A Not So Meet Cute

PublishedbyHot-LantaPublishing,LLC
Copyright2021
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Prologue
Chapter1
Chapter2
Chapter3
Chapter4
Chapter5
Chapter6
Chapter7
Chapter8
Chapter9
Chapter10
Chapter11
Chapter12
Chapter13
Chapter14
Chapter15
Chapter16
Chapter17
Chapter18
Chapter19
Chapter20
Chapter21
Chapter22
Chapter23
Epilogue
Excerpt–EarnYourExtraCredit
MoreBooksbyMeghanPrologue
LOTTIE
“Hey,girl.”
Hmm,Idon’tlikethecheerinessinhervoice.
Thesmirkonherlips.
Theoveruseofhertoxic,throat-chokingperfume.
“Hey,Angela,”IanswerwithwarytrepidationasItakeaseatatthetableinheroffice.
Withaflipofherbrightblondehairoverhershoulder,sheclaspsherhandstogether,herbodylanguageconveyinginterestassheleansforwardandasks,“Howareyou?”
Ismoothmyhandsovermybrightredpencilskirtandanswer,“Doingfine.Thankyou.”
“That’ssowonderfultohear.”Sheleansbackandsmilesatme,butdoesn’tsayanotherword.
Ohh-kay,whatthehellisgoingon?
Iglancebehindmetotherowofsuitedmen,sittinguprightinchairs,foldersontheirlaps,staringatourinteraction.I’veknownAngelasincemiddleschool.We’vehadoneofthoseon-again,off-againfriendships,mebeingthevictimoftheintermittentcamaraderie.Iwashermainsqueezeoneday,thenextitwasBlair—whoworksinfinance,orLauren—whoworksoverinsales,andthenthefriendshipwouldcomebacktome.We’reconstantlyinterchangeable.Who’sthebestiethisweek?I’dalwayswonder,andinsomesick,dementedway,I’dhaveahiccupofexcitementwhenthebestiecardlandedonme.
Whystickaroundinsuchatoxicfriendship,youask?
Theansweristhreefold.
One—whenIfirstmetAngela,Iwasyoung.Ihadnoideawhatthehelltododuringsuchavibrantrollercoasterride.Ijustgrippedthehandlesandheldonfordearlife,becausefrankly,hangingwithAngelawasexciting.Different.Bold,attimes.
Two—whenshewasnicetome,whenweweredeepintoourfriendship,Ihadsomeofthebesttimesofmylife.GrowingupinBeverlyHillsasthepoorgirldidn’tlenditshandtomanyadventures,butwiththerichfriendwholookedpastyouremptywalletandwelcomedyouintoherworld—yeah,itwasfun.Callmeshallow,butIhadfuninhighschool,despitetheupsanddowns.
Three—I’mweak.I’mconfrontation’sbitchandavoiditatallcosts,therefore—raiseshand—hereIam,doormat,atyourservice.
“Angela?”Iwhisper.
“Hmm?”Shesmilesatme.
“CanIaskwhyyoucalledmeinhereandwhytheFBIseemstobelinedupbehindme?”
Angelatiltsherheadbackandletsoutaheartylaughasherhandlandsonmine.“Oh,Lottie.God,I’mgoingtomissyourhumor.”
“Miss?”Iask,myspinestiffening.“Whatdoyoumean,miss?Areyougoingonvacation?”
Pleaseletthatbethecase.Pleaseletthatbethecase.Ican’taffordtolosethisjob.
“Iam.”
Oh,thankGod.
“KenandIareheadedtoBoraBora.Ihaveaspraytanscheduledinabouttenminutessoweneedtogetonwiththis.”
Wait,what?
“Getonwithwhat?”Iask.
Herjovialfacemorphsintosomethingserious,thetypeofseriousIdon’tseeveryoftenfromAngela.Because,yes,shemightbetheheadofherlifestyleblog,butshe’snottheonewhodoesthework—everyoneelsedoes.So,sheneverhastobeserious.
Shesitstaller,herjawgrowstight,andthroughherthick,fakeeyelashes,shesays,“Lottie,you’reatruepioneerforAngeloop.Yourmasterybehindthekeyboardhasbeenpositivelyunmatchedbyanyoneinthiscompany,andthehumoryoubringtothisthriving,money-drippinglifestylebloghasmadethistriptoBoraBoraareality.”
DidIhearthatright?Becauseofme,she’sabletogoonhervacation?
“But,unfortunately,we’regoingtohavetoletyougo.”
Holdup…what?
Letmego?
Asin,nomorejobforme?
Likeaboltoflightning,threeofthemencomeupbehindme,twooneitherside,flankingmelikesecurity.Withtheirheavy-setshouldersblockingmein,oneofthemdropsafolderonthetableinfrontofmeandflipsitopen,revealingapieceofpaper.Myeyesaretoounfocusedtoevenconsiderreadingwhatitsays,buttakingasimpleguess,I’mthinkingit’saterminationpaper.
“Signhere.”Themanholdsapenouttome.
“Wait,what?”Imovetheman’shandaway,onlyforittobouncebackrightwhereitwas.“You’refiringme?”
Angelawinces.“Lottie,pleasedon’tmakethisathing.Youmustknowhowdifficultthishasbeenforme.”Shesnapsherfingersandanassistantmagicallypopsup.Angelarubsherthroatandsays,“Thisconversationhastrulytakenitoutofme.Water,please.Roomtemperature.Lemonandlime,buttakethemoutbeforeyougiveittome.”Andlikethat,theassistantisgone.WhenAngelaturnsbackaround,sheseesmeandclutchesherchest.“Oh,you’restillhere.”
Uhhh…
Yeah.
Blinkingafewtimes,Iask,“Angela,whatisgoingon?YoujustsaidImakeyouatonofmoney—”
“DidI?Idon’trecallmakingsuchastatement.Boys,didIsayanythinglikethat?”
Theyallshaketheirhead.
“See?Ididn’tsaythat.”
Ithink…yup,mmm-hmm,doyousmellthat?That’smybrainsmoking,workingovertime,tryingtonotLOSEIT!
Calmly,andImean…calmly,Iask,“Angela,canyoupleaseexplaintomewhyyou’relettingmego?”
“Oh.”Shelaughs.“You’vealwaysbeensuchanoseylittlething.”TheassistantbringsAngelaherwaterandthenrushesaway.Suckingfromanunnecessarystraw,Angelatakesalongsipandthensays,“Yourone-yearanniversaryisonFriday.”
“Yes.That’scorrect.”
“Well,peryourcontract,itsaysthatafterayear,you’renolongerunderrestrictedpay,butinsteadreceiveyouractualsalary.”Sheshrugs.“WhypayyoumorewhenIcanfindsomeonetodoyourjobforless?Simplebottom-linethinking.Youunderstand.”
“No,Idon’t.”Myvoicerisesandtwolargehandslandonmyshoulderinwarning.
Oh,forfuck’ssake.
“Angela,thisismylife,thisisn’tsomegameyougettoplay.Youtoldmewhenyoubeggedmetoworkforyouthatthisjobwasgoingtobelife-changing.”
“Andhasn’titbeen?”Sheholdsherarmsout.“Angeloopislife-changingforeveryone.”Sheglancesatherwatch.“Oh,Ihavetogetnakedinfive.Spraytansdon’twait.”Shetwirlsherfingerattheguysbesideme.“Wrapitup,boys.”
Twosetsofhandsgripmeandhelpmeupfrommychair.
“Youcan’tbeserious,”Isay,stillnotquitegraspingwhat’sgoingon.“You’rehavingsecuritydragmeoutofyouroffice?”
“Notbymychoice,”Angelasays,thepictureofinnocence.“Yourhostileattitudeismakingmeusesecurity.”
“Hostile?”Iask.“I’mhostilebecauseyou’refiringmefornoreason.”
“Oh,honey,Ican’tbelieveyouseeitthatway,”shesaysinthatcondescendingvoiceofhers.“Thisisnothingpersonal.YouknowIloveyouandstillplanonyourmonthlyinvitationtobrunch.Thisisjustbusiness.”Sheblowsmeakiss.“Stillmybestie.”
She’slosthergoddamnmind.
I’mpulledtowardthedoorbutIdiginmytwo-seasons-agoJimmyChooheels.“Angela,seriously.Youcan’tbefiringme.”
Shelooksupatme,tiltsherheadtotheside,andthenpressesherhandtoherheart.“Ahh,lookatyou,fightingforyourjob.God,you’vealwaysbeenscrappy.”Sheblowsmeanotherkiss,waves,andcallsout,“I’llcallyou.Youcantellmeaboutyourhorriblebosslater.Oh…anddon’tforgettoRSVPtoourhighschoolreunion.Twomonthsaway.Weneedaheadcount.”
Andjustlikethat,defeatwhipsthroughme,myheelsletupintotalshock,mybodygoeslimp,andI’mdraggedbymyunderarmsthroughtheofficesofAngeloop,themostidioticandabsurdlifestyleblogontheInternet,aplacewhereIdidn’twanttoworkinthefirstplace.
Peerswatchme.
Securitydoesn’tskipabeatastheydragmeallthewaythroughthetall,glassfrontdoor.
AndbeforeIcantakemynextbreath,I’mstaringattheobscenelylargeAngeloopsignoutsideoftheoffice,boxofmyofficethingsinhand.
Howthehelldidthisallhappen?ChapterOne
HUXLEY
“I’mgoingtofuckingmurdersomeone,”IshoutasIthrowmysuitjacketacrossmyofficeandslammydoor.
“Seemsasthoughthemeetingwentwell,”JPsaysfromwherehe’sleaningagainsttheexpansivewallofwindowsinmyoffice.
“Seemsasthoughitwentincrediblywell,”Breakeroffersfromwherehe’slyingacrossmyleathercouch.
Ignoringmybrothers’sarcasm,IgripmyhairandturntowardtheviewofLosAngeles.It’sacleardaytoday,freshrainfromthenightbeforeeliminatingsomeofthesmogintheair.Palmtreesreachhightothesky,liningtheroads,butlooksmallcomparedtowheremyofficesitsabovetherest.
“Caretogababoutit?”JPaskswhiletakingaseatinachair.
Iturntowardthem,mybrothers,thetwoidiotswhohavebeenbymysidethroughthickandthin.Whohaveriddentheupsanddownsofourlives.WhohavedroppedeverythingtojoinmeinthiscrazyideaoftakingovertherealestatemarketinLosAngeleswiththemoneyDadleftuswhenhepassed.We’vebuiltthisempiretogether.
Butthesmarmylooksontheirfacesmakesmewanttopunttheirgoddamndicksoutofmyoffice.
“DoesitlooklikeIwanttogababoutit?”
“No.”Breakersmirks.“Butfuckdowewanttohearallaboutit.”
Ofcoursetheydo.
BecausetheyweretheoneswhosaidIshouldn’tmeetwithDaveToney.
Theyweretheoneswhosaiditwasgoingtobeawasteofmytime.
TheyweretheoneswholaughedwhenIsaidIhadameetingwithhimtoday.
AndtheyweretheoneswhosarcasticallysaidgoodluckasIwalkedoutthedoor
ButIwantedtoprovethemwrong.
IwantedtoshowthemthatIcouldconvinceDaveToneythatheneededtoworkwithCaneEnterprises.
Spoileralert—Ididnotconvincehim.
Capitulatingtomybrothers’stares,Itakeaseataswellandletoutalongsigh.“Fuck,”Imutter.
“Letmeguess,hedidn’tfallforyourcharm?”Breakerasks.“Butyou’resopersonable.”
“Thatshitshouldn’tmatter.”Islammyfingerintothearmrestofmyplushleatherchair.“Thisisbusiness,notsomegoddamnparadeofnurturingfriendshipsandcoddlingoneanother.”
“Ithinkhemissedsomethinginbusinessschool,”JPsaystoBreaker.“Becausewasn’tfosteringbusinessrelationshipsanentirecourse?”Hissarcasmisgratingonmynerves.
“Ibelieveitwas,”Breakersays.
“Iwentinthereandkissedhisass—whatmoredoeshewant?”
“Didyouwearlipstick?Notsurehisgirlfriendwouldappreciatefindinganotherpairoflipsonherman’sasscheeks.”Breakersmirks.
“Ihateyou.Ireallyfuckinghateyou.”
BreakerletsoutabarkofalaughwhileJPsays,“Hatetosayit,but…wetoldyouso,bro.DaveToneydoesn’tworkwithjustanyone.He’sadifferentbreedinthiscity.Manyhavetriedtobreakintothevastamountofrealestateheowns;manyhavefailed.Whydidyouthinkyou’dbeanydifferent?”
“Becausewe’reCaneEnterprises,”Ishout.“Everyonewantstofuckingworkwithus.BecausewehavethelargestrealestateportfolioinLosAngeles.Becausewecanturnabroken-downbuildingintoamillion-dollarbusinessinayear.Weknowwhatthefuckwe’redoing,andDaveToney,althoughsuccessful,hassomedeadpiecesoflandonhishandsthat’shurtinghisbusiness.Heknowsit,Ifuckingknowit,andIwanttotakethosepiecesoflandoffhishands.”
JPgripshischinandasks,“Whatpreciselydidyousaytohim?Ihopenotthat?Because,althoughyourlittlespeechmademynippleshard,Idoubthe’dappreciatethetone.”
Irollmyeyes.“Isaidsomethingalongthoselines.”
“YourealizeDaveToneyisapridefulman,right?”Breakerasks.“Ifyouinsulthim,he’snotgoingtowanttoworkwithyou.”
“Ididn’tinsulthim,”Ishout.“Iwastryingtogetonanevenplayingfield,youknow,lethimseethatI’maprettynormalguy.”
Bothofmybrothersscoff.
“Iamanormalguy.”
JPandBreakerexchangeglancesandthenbothleanforward,andIknowwhat’scoming:aclassiccome-to-Jesusmoment.Theyliketoperformthemonmefromtimetotime.
“Youknowweloveyou,right?”Breakerasks.Andsoitbegins.
“We’rehereforyou,wheneveryouneedus,”JPadds.
Idragmyhandovermyface.“Justgetthefuckonwithit.”
“You’renotnormal.You’reanythingbutnormal.Noneofusare.WeliveinBeverlyHills,areconstantlyinvitedtopremieresandcelebritygatherings,andhavebeenintheheadlinesonPageSixmanytimes.There’snothingnormalaboutus.DaveToney,now…he’snormal.”
“Howthefuckso?”Iask.“Becausehedoesn’tgetinvitedtocelebrityafter-parties?”
Breakershakeshishead.“No,becausehe’sdown-to-earth.Approachable.Youcouldeasilygrababeerwithhiminabarandnotfeeltheleastbitintimidated.You’retheexactopposite.You’reflashy.”
“I’mnotflashy.”
JPnodsatmywatch.“NiceMovado—isitnew?”
Iglancedownatit.“Gotitlastweek—”Iraisemyeyestomeetmybrothers’knowinglooks.“AmInotallowedtospendmyhard-earnedmoney?”
“Youare,”JPsays.“Thewayyouliveyourlifeiscompletelyacceptable.Thehouse,thecar…thewatch,allearnedandrightfullyso,butifyouwanttoconnectwithDaveToney,thenyou’regoingtohavetogetonadifferentlevel.Andthatdoesn’tmeandressingdown,becausehe’llseerightthroughthat.Healreadyknowsyou’reaflashyguy.Butheneedstoseeyouinadifferentlight.”
“Ooo,Ilikethat,”Breakersays.“Adifferentlight.That’swhatheneeds.”Hetapshischin.“Butwhatwouldthatlightbe?”
Irritated,IgetupfrommychairandgrabmysuitjacketfromwhereItossedit.“Whileyoutwomoronsthinkaboutit,I’mgoingtograblunch.”
“IfonlyToneycouldseethismoment,whereHuxleyCanedoesn’taskhisassistanttograbhimlunchbut,likeamerepeasant,walksthestreetsofLosAngelestofetchhisownfood,”JPsays.
Isliponmyjacket,despitetheheatoutside.Ignoringthem,Icrosstowardmydoor.
“Couldyougrabussomething?”Breakercallsout.
Sighing,Icallback,“Textmewhatyouwantfromthedeli.”
“Pickles.Allthegoddamnpickles,”JPyellsasImakemywaydowntheofficehallwaytotheelevator.Luckily,thedoorsslideopenforme,soIstepin,pressthelobbybutton,andleanagainstthewall,handsstuffedinmypantspockets.
Getonadifferentlevel.Idon’tevenknowwhatthatmeans.AndIknowI’mabusinessmanwho’smadedealswithpeopleI’vegottenalongwith,butI’vealsomadedealswithpeopleIabsolutelydespise.ThedifferencebetweenmeandDaveToney—Idon’tgiveafuckwhotakesmymoneyorwhoIsellto.Businessisbusiness,andifit’sagooddeal,I’mgoingtotakeit.
IofferedDaveafuckinggood-as-shitdealtoday,betterthanwhathedeserves,ifI’mhonest.Andinsteadofshakingmyhandandacceptingit,hesatbackinhisofficechair,scratchedthesideofhischeek,andsaid,“Idon’tknow.I’mgoingtohavetositonthis.”
Sitonit.
Sitonmygoddamndeal.
Noonesitsonmydeals;theytakethemandthankJesusChristHimselffordoingbusinesswithCaneEnterprises.
Ipushthroughtheelevatordoorswhentheypart,weavemywaythroughthebusylobby,andthenheadoutoftheofficebuildingtowardthehole-in-the-walldelithat’sjustdowntheroad.Twoblocks.Idon’tusuallysendmyassistant,Karla,tograbmefood,becauseitmakesmefeellikeanasshole—despitewhatpeoplemightthinkofme—andIalsoenjoythesecondtogetoutandbreathesomefreshair.Well,it’sLA,sofreshairisanoverstatement.ButitgivesmeasecondtoresetbeforeIgetbackbehindmydesk,whereIcontrolourbillion-dollaroperationwithmykeyboard.
MyphonebeepsinmypocketandIdon’tbotherlookingatitbecauseIknowit’sJPandBreaker’sorders.Idon’tevenknowwhyItoldthemtotextme,becausetheygetthesamethingeverytime.Sameasme.Phillycheesesteakwithextramushrooms.And,ofcourse,pickles.It’sourgo-tosandwich.Somethingthatwedon’teatoften,butwhenwedoheadtothedeli,it’sourusual.
Thesidewalkismorecrowdedthannormal.SummerhashitLosAngeles,meaningtouristsaresweepingin,celebritybustourswillbeattheirmax,anddrivingonthe101isgoingtobeahellishnightmare.Luckyforme,Ionlylivethirtyminutesfromtheoffice.
AsIapproachthedeli,afamiliarblackSUVpullsupinfrontofit.Whenthedooropens,IcatchsightofDaveToney—speakofthedevil—steppingoutofthevehicle.Whataretheodds?
Whatevertheyare,theylooklikethey’reinmyfavor.Nothinglikeagoodfollow-uptotrytosecurethedeal.MaybeJPwasright,DaveToneymightchangehismindwhenheseesmepickinguplunch.That’sdefinitelyonadifferentlevel.
Ibuttonmysuitjacketandpickupmypace.Nevermissanopportunityinbusiness.Never.AsIgrowcloser,I’mdangerouslycaughtoffguardwhenIseeafemininehandpopoutofthevehiclebehindDave.Islowdownandzeroinonthehand…thesmallhandwithaVERYbigengagementringonit.
Holyshit,Daveisengaged?
I’massumingheis,sincehe’sholdingthewoman’shand.
Butengaged…hell,howdidImissthat?
UsuallyI’mawareofsuch—
MythoughtspauseandIblinkafewtimesasthefiancéeturns,givingmeaprofileview.
Holy…fuck.
Looksliketheengagementisn’tthebiggestsurpriseoftheday.
Thankstohertight-fittingdressandslenderframe,there’snodoubtinmymindthatDaveToney’sfiancéeispregnant.
DaveToney,engagedwithababyontheway.How…when?
Hewavestothedriver,shutsthedoor,andthenglancesbehindhim,justenoughforustomakeeyecontact.Hiseyebrowsliftinsurpriseandthenheturnsallthewayaroundandwavestome.“Cane,didn’texpecttoseeyouonthestreets.”
Yeah,neitherofusexpectedtoseeeachother,butI’mnotgoingtolettheshockofthisnewdevelopmentrattleme.
Showtime.
Iplasteronasmile.
“JustenjoyingthesultryCaliforniasunwhileonmywaytogetlunchformeandmybrothers.”Iwalkuptohimandextendmyhand.Hegivesitabriefshake.“Thisdeliisourfavorite.”
“Isthatright?”Daveasksinsurprise.“It’sEllie’stoo.I’veneverbeen,butshewastellingmetheyhavethebestpickles.”
“Mybrothersareasuckerforthepicklesaswell.”Iholdmyhandouttohisfiancée.“YoumustbeEllie.”
“Shit,that’srudeofme,”Davesayswithanawkwardlaugh.“Yes,thisisEllie.Ellie,thisisHuxleyCane.”
“It’sapleasuretomeetyou,”Elliesaysinaverysweetsouthernvoice.OnethatI’veheardbefore.
Ishakeherhandandthenletgo,onlytosay,“Letmeguess,you’refromGeorgia?”
Hersmilebrightens.“Iam.Youcouldtell?”
Yup,thisbodeswellforme.
“Mygrandmaisaself-proclaimedGeorgiaPeach.Ispentmanybrutal,humidity-filledsummersoutonherscreened-inporch,rockingonchairswithherasshefilledmeinonthelatesttowngossip.”
“Really?Whereabout?”
“PeachtreeCity.”
Hereyeswidenindelight.Shepressesherhandtoherchest.“IgrewupinFayetteville,justeastofPeachtree.Wow,whatasmallworld.”
Yes.Yes,indeed.EspeciallysincemygrandmaactuallyresidesinSanDiego,andI’veneverbeentoGeorgia,actually,buttheydon’tneedtoknowthat.Theyalsodon’tneedtoknowIrecognizeheraccentbecauseIdatedagirlincollegefromPeachtreeCity.Allsemantics.
DelightedwiththesmallconnectionI’mmakinginDave’sworld,Iturntowardhim,onlytobemetbyaveryterritorial-lookingman.Uh-oh.Jawclenched,browsnarrowed,hiseyesfindnohumorinoursmall…verysmallworld.
Dudeispracticallymarkinghisterritorywiththatangrysnarl.Iwouldn’tbesurprisedifhestartedcirclingEllieandpeeingallaroundher.
Givenwhatheknowsaboutme,flashy,aflirt,Mr.PageSix—notrecently,thankGod—hemustthinkI’mathreat.Which,I’mnot.Imean,yeah,Ellieisapetitebundleofblonde.Pretty,withblueeyes,butshe’salsopregnant—totalnightmare—andshe’sengaged,therefore,completelyoffthemarket.
Butgivenwhatmybrotherssaid,Daveprobablydoesn’tseeitthatwaywhenitcomestome.
Whichmeans,Ineedtosalvagethisandfast.
Buthow…
HowcanIpossiblymakeit—
*Lightbulb*
Didyouseethatbrilliantflashoflight?Yeah,anideahasemerged.Itmightnotbesmart.It’sdefinitelynotthemostintelligentthingI’veeverthoughtof,butDaveseemstobegrowingmoreandmoretensebythesecond,so…
Heregoesnothing.
Pleasedon’tcomebacktobitemeintheass—famouslastwords.
“Fayetteville,huh?”Iwetmylips.Heregoes.“Wow,crazy.Ithinkmyfiancée’sparentsarefromPalmetto.Isn’tthatjustnorth?”
Yeah,fiancée.Toldyouitwasn’tintelligent,butit’sthebestI’vegot.
“Yes,Palmettoisjustnorthofit,”Elliesayswithsuchjoy,whileDavemoveshishandaroundherwaistinaprotectiveembrace.
“Fiancée?”heasksafterclearinghisthroat.“You’reengaged,Cane?”There’sgenuineinterestinhiseyesandthetensionthatwascollectinginhisshouldersisslowlyeasing.
“Yup.”
“Huh,I’msurprised.”
Ican’treadhim.Doeshebelieveme?Ishetestingme?AmImakingthisexponentiallyworse?Ihopetofucknot.Idon’twanttolosethisdeal.
Irefusetoletitslipthroughmyfingers,notwhenI’msoclose.Tohavethosepropertieswouldbeexponentiallybeneficialtoourportfolio,especiallywithwhatwehaveplannedforthem.AndtosnagadealwiththeillusiveDaveToneywouldmakemethatmuchmorevictorious.Mybusinessmindtakesover,leavingmycommonsensetothewind.
So,beforeIcanchangemymindonwhat’sabouttocomeoutofmymouth,Iswallowhardandsay,“Yup,engagedand…expecting.”
Theminutethelieleavesmylips,agrossfeelingtakesover,becausefuck,Iknowhowhardsomewomentrytogetpregnant,andtolieaboutsomethinglikethat…hell,itdoesn’tfeelright.ButlikeIsaid,commonsenseisnowheretobefoundatthismoment,it’spureidioticinstinct.
“Really?”Elliecheers.“Ohmygosh.”Sherubsherbelly.“Soarewe.Dave,isn’tthatexciting?”
“Thatreallyis.”Dave’sfacemorphsfromunsure,protectiveboyfriendto…toalookIhaven’tseenonhimbefore.Compassion.
Understanding.
DareIsay—camaraderie?
IstickmyhandsinmysuitpantspocketstokeepthemfromfidgetingasItellthebiggestgoddamnlieofmylife.
“Yeah,mygrandmaintroducedmetoherbackinPeachtree.Itwasoneofthoselove-at-first-sightmeet-cutes.”
Ellieclaspsherhandstogether.“Oh,Ilovemeet-cutes.”
Ishrug.“Yeah,andwehititoffquickly.”IattempttogazeofftowardtheskyasIthinkaboutmyimaginarypregnantfiancéeandhowmuchI*gulp*loveher.“Wedidthingsalittlebackwards,withgettingpregnantfirst,butIguesswe’veneverdoneanythingright,accordingtosociety’stimelines.”
“Same,”Davesays,andIseeit,rightthereinhiseyes.Anewappreciationforme.Thisiswhattheboysweretalkingabout.ThiswaswhatDaveneeded,toseemeasa“human.”
Thisisme,meetingDaveonanewlevel.Connectingonanewlevel.Inthismoment,hedoesn’tseemeastheflashy,take-no-prisonersbusinessman,butrather,someonehecanaskoutforabeerandtalkthroughhisworriesaboutbecomingafather.
ThismightverywellbeexactlythekindofinIneeded.Alittlechitchat,anacutewhiteliethatisn’tgoingtohurtanyone.Hedoesn’thavetoactuallymeetthisimaginarygirl.Hedoesn’tevenneedtoknowmuchabouther.Justtheideaofhermakesmethatmuchmoreappealing.
Huh,maybethiswasn’tsuchabadideaafterall.
Maybethiswasactuallypurebrilliancyatitsfinest.
Markmywords—bythistimetomorrow,he’llbecallingmeup,nolongerwillingtositonmyoffer,butmorelikelywillingtotakeit.
HuxleyCane,you’reanabsolutegenius.
“Dave,wouldn’titbeabsolutelydivinetohaveHuxleyandhisfiancéeoverfordinner?”
Ehhh,whatnow?
Dinner?
Ellieclaspsherhandstogetherandcontinues,“Itwouldbesolovelytotalkwithpeopleinoursamesituation.”Leaningforward,Elliesays,“Familyhasbeenlessthanthrilledaboutuswaitingtogetmarrieduntilafterthebabyisborn.Myparentsarequitetraditional.”
SweatbreaksoutonmyupperlipasItrytokeepmyfaceneutral.
Adinnerdate.
Withmy“fiancée.”
Oh…fuck.
Abort,Cane.ABORT!
“Thatwouldbewonderful,”Davesayswithajovialsmile.
FUCK!
“HowdoesSaturdaynightwork?”hecontinues.
Saturdaynight?
Doublefuck!
That’sfourdaysfromnow.
Fourfuckingdaystonotonlyfindafiancée,butapregnantfiancée.
HuxleyCane,you’renogenius,you’reanabsolutemoron.
“Oh,givehimasecondtotalkaboutitwithhisgirl,”Elliesays.I’dsaythankGodforEllie,buttheanxiety-riddendinnerdatewasheridea.“Whydon’tyougetbacktoDaveandthenletmeknowifit’sago.Ilovecooking.Icouldmakeusarealsouthernmealifyou’dlike.”
MymindisalreadyformulatingexcusesastowhymyfiancéeandIwon’tbeabletomakeSaturdaywork.
“Andmaybewecantalkaboutthedealsomemore,”Davesayswithagenuinesmile.
Fuck.
Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.
Can’tsayno,now.Notattheriskofsecuringthedeal.
Christ.
Despitethedesertthatismymouth,Iswallowhardandnod.“Yup.”Myvoicecracks.“Saturdaysoundsgreat.”
“Wonderful.”Ellieclapsherhands.“Oh,Ican’twait.I’mgoingtomakemybestpeachcobblerandcollardgreens.Davewillexchangeinformationwithyou.”
“Perfect,”Isaywithashakysmile.WhatthehellamIgettingmyselfinto?
“Oh,babe,we’regoingtobelate.Let’sstopbythedeliafterourclass—thatokay?”Daveasks.
“AslongasIcangetdoublethepickles,”ElliesayswhilepressingakisstoDave’slips.
ThePDAmakesmystomachroll.It’snotthatIfindthemrepulsive,butit’sastarkreminderoftheholeIjustdugformyself.
“Okay,we’reofftoLamazeclass.Talksoon,”Davesayswithawave.
Igivethemawaveinreturn,hopingmyhanddoesn’tlookshaky,andwithoutgoingintothedeli,Iturnaroundandheadbacktotheoffice,mymindswirlingwithhowtogetoutofthisfuck-up.
HuxleyCane,you’reacompleteanduttermoron.ChapterTwo
LOTTIE
Handsonthesteeringwheel,Istareoutatmychildhoodhomeandalsocurrentplaceofresidence,asmallbungalowthathasbeeninthefamilyforyears.Imean…years.GrandmaPruboughtitbackinthefiftiesandpasseditontomymom,whoraisedmeandmysister,Kelsey,allbyherself.
Thewhitestuccohasfadedovertheyearsandlooksmorecreamthananything,andtheredclaytileroofneedsmorerepairsthanwhatMomcanafforddespiteherlive-inboyfriendofthirteenyears,Jeff,wantingtoreplaceitforher.
SpeakingofJeff,he’soutinthefrontyardinhisoversizedjeanshortsandclassicwhiteundershirt,pushinghismower.Jeffalwayshasanunlitcigarettedanglingfromhismouth,becauseeventhoughhedoesn’tsmokeit,ever,hefindscomfortinknowingthathecouldifhewanted.Don’taskmeaboutthepsychologybehindit;he’sgreattomymomandhe’sbeenawonderfulsoundingboardoverthepasttenyearsformeandmysisteraswell.So,ifacigarettedanglesfromhismouth,sobeit.Couldbeworse.
ButJeffbeinginthefrontyardcreatesaflawinmyabilitytobringmyboxofofficethingsintomyroomwithoutquestions.AndIdon’twantanyquestionsfromJefformymom.Theycan’tfindoutaboutAngelafiringme.Thatwouldbeadebilitatingdisaster.
No,theycanNEVERfindout.
Why?
Well,becausetheyweretheoneswhobeggedandpleadedformetofindanotherjobthatwouldn’tincludemeworkingforsomeonewithwhomI’vesharedatoxicrelationshipforyears.
Butyouknowhowitgoes.Parentsknownothing,weknoweverything,andthenwehavetoeatourfreakingwordslateronwhenwerealize…should’velistenedtosaidparents.
Ughhh.
NotwantingJefftobecomesuspicious,IgetoutofmydilapidatedVWBug,leavingtheboxintheback,strapmypurseovermyshoulder,andplasteronabeautifulsmilethatIknowwillbringjoytoJeff’sday.
“Hey,LottieBug,”hesays,usingthenicknameMomgavemeyearsago.
“Hey,Jeff.”Iwaveasheturnsoffthemowerandadjustshissunglassesonthebridgeofhisnose.“Yardislookinggreat.”
“Thankyou.Ithinkthebeautificationcommitteewillhavetonoticeusthisyear.”
Oh,Jeff,alwayssohopeful.
Yousee,weliveontheborder,andImean,onestreetover,fromTheFlatsinBeverlyHills.Andeverysummer,there’sacommitteethatwalksfromhousetohouse,pickingoutthebestyardsintheneighborhoodandawardingthemprizes.We’vealwayswalkedthroughTheFlats,takinginthefabulouslymanicuredlawnscuratedbyprofessionallandscapers,nottheactualowners.It’sabloodbaththeweekbeforethejudgestaketheirwalk,includinghereatourhouse,becausethelasthouseontherouteisacrossthestreet,andinordertoseethehouse,youseeours,justpastthebushes,andJeffisboundanddeterminedtobenoticed.
“You’llhavetogetMomtofixtheroofifyouwantanyshotatit.”
There’safatchanceinhellthatouryardwouldeverbenoticed.Thebeautificationcommitteeismadeupofabunchofrichsnobswhowouldneverlookacrossthestreet.Butit’snicetogiveJeffhope,especiallysinceheworkssohard.
Hisshouldersslumpindefeat.“Itoldherthat.Ineedtherooftobepristine.Thosebrokenshingleswillnevergetthewin.IthinkI’mgoingtocalltheboysoveroneofthesedaysandfixitwhileshe’satwork.Actfirst,askforforgivenesslater.”
“Verysmartapproach.”
“Howwaswork?”
Ipauseinmypursuitofthefrontdoor.Keepingmysmileinfullforce,Isay,“Great.Justatypicalday.”Yup,atypicaldayofmeanderingaroundthestreetsofLosAngeles,killingtimebeforeIcouldreturnhome,knowingfullwellmymomandJeffareawareofmyscheduleandifIarrivedhomeanyearlierthannormal,they’dbesuspicious.Andluckilyforme,duringmymeandering,Iwastoldtogobuysomepantyhosebyanendearinghomelessmanwhoscowledatmybarelegs.Iboughtsomeconsolationminticecream,whichfellvictimtothesummerCaliforniasunandendedupdrippingdownthefrontofmywhiteblouse,and,totopitoff,Itrippedoverastreetgrateandtoreaheeloffmytwo-seasons-agoJimmyChooshoes,whichiswhyI’mwalkingbarefootintothehouse.
It’sbeenoneofthosedays.
“Promotionisinaweek,right?”Jeffasks.“Areyouexcited?Youcanfinallyfindaplaceofyourown.”
Insertthedeepsighhere.
Igivehimathumbsup.“Superpumped.”
Withoutanotherword,IopenthedoortothehouseandimmediatelysmellMom’shomemadefishsticks.LordJesus,notagain.
Thisgirlcan’tcatchabreak.
“Jeff,dinnerisalmostready.”
“It’sme,Mom,”Isay,headingtomyroom,butbeforeIcangettoofardownthehallway,Mompeeksherheadaroundthedoorwaytothekitchen.
“LottieBug,justintimefordinner.”
Iwavemyhandather.“Notreallyhungry.”Igripmystomach.“Latelunch.Imighthaveanapplelater.”
“Don’tberidiculous.Gowashyourhands”—yes,shestillmakesmewashmyhandsbeforeameal—“andfreshenup.I’llhaveaplacesettingwaitingforyou.”
Sighing,Isay,“Thanks,Mom.”Ireachmyroom,shutthedoor,andthenslidedownagainstituntilmybutthitsthefloor.“God,Ineedbooze.”Ipullmyphoneoutofmypurseandtextmysister.
Lottie:Boozeneeded.DaydrinkingwhenMomandJeffleavetomorrow.Youin?
Kelsey,myIrishtwinasMomlikestocallher,isonlytwelvemonthsyoungerthanme,andisanup-and-comingorganizer—yeah,Iwasconfusedwhenshetoldmethatlittlenuggetofinformationaswell.Basically,she’sstartedherownorganizingbusinesswhereshegoestodifferentpeople’shousestoshowthemhowtoorganizetheirpantriesandclosetstobemorefunctional—so,howtonotbepackrats.IaskedherhowshediffersfromeveryoneelsejumpingonTheHomeEdittrend,andheranswerblewmeaway—becauseitwasactuallywell-thought-out.Shefocusesonorganizingsustainably.Insteadofencouragingallofherclientstouseclearacrylicbins,sheworkswithacompanythatofferssustainablysourcedorganizationalproducts,aswellasproductsmadefromfullyrecycledmaterials.Betterfortheenvironmentandbetterforyourhome.See?Blownaway.Apparently,she’sonecelebrityawayfrombeingdiscovered.Ibelieveher.ShemakesjustenoughrightnowtogrowherbusinessandtoaffordasmallstudioapartmentinWestHollywood.
Myphonebeepswithatext.
Kelsey:Shouldn’tyoubeatworktomorrow?
Istandfrommyspotontheflooranduntuckmyshirtbeforetextingherback.
Lottie:Ishould…
Isetmyphonedownandundress,tossingmyclothesinmyhamper,notevenbotheringwiththestain.Thedamagehasbeendone.Iputonapairofshortsandatanktopandtiemylongbrownhairupinaknot.
Kelsey:Don’ttellmethathofiredyou.
Lottie:Considermeunemployed.
Kelsey:IFREAKINGtoldyouthiswasgoingtohappen.She’ssucha…God,Lottie,ifyouevertalktoheragain,I’mgoingtodisownyou.Doyouhearme?
Lottie:Trustme,Angelaisdeadtomenow,despitewhatSHEmightthink.
Kelsey:Letmeguess,thenarcissiststillthinksyou’regoingtobefriends.
Lottie:Yup.Anyway,I’mnottellingMomandJeff,notuntilIcanfiguresomethingout.TheystillthinkI’mmovingoutnextweekwhenIgetmy“promotion”—aka,downgradedtounemployed.
Kelsey:Yoursecretissafewithme.I’llbeoveraroundninewithtequilaandmargaritafixings.
Lottie:Canyoucomewiththeideanotebook?
Kelsey:Alreadypackingit.Igotyou,sis.
Lottie:Iloveyou.
Kelsey:Loveyou.Anddon’tworry.We’llfigurethisout.
Feelingrelieved,Isetmyphonedownonthedresser,becauseifMomseesaphoneanywherenearthedinnertable,shesnatchesitawayandtossesitinthetoilet.I’vefallenvictimtosuchthieveryonceandonlyonce.Afterdryingyourtoilet-waterphoneinriceovernight,youquicklylearntoneverdothatagain.
Iheaddownthehallwayandtothediningroom,whereIcatchJeffpressachastekisstomymom’scheek.Hewhispers“thankyou”toherbeforetakingaseat.He’schangedhisclothesaswell,handsfreefromanylandscapingdirt.Iknowhe’llberightbackoutsideafterthis,butIappreciatehisunderstandingformymom’srulesatthetable.
“Smellsgood,Mom,”IlieasItakeaseat.Jefflovesherhomemadefishsticks.Iloathethem.ButIeatthembecauseIwastaughtataveryearlyage,youeatwhat’sonyourplateandyoudon’tcomplainaboutit.Behappyyouhavefoodatall.
“Thankyou.Imadesomeofyourfavoritecobblerfordessert.”
Nowthat’ssomethingIcanchokedownfishsticksfor.
“You’reamazing.Thankyou.”
Momtakesaseat,andthenasacutefamilyofthree,welinkhands,Momleadsusinaprayer,andthenwedigin.Thankfully,Momgavemesmallerportions.Icaneasilytakethisdownforthepromiseofsomefreshcobbler.
“Howwaswork,sweetie?”Momaskswhileputtingadollopoftartarsauceonherplate.ShepassesthesaucetoJeff,whotakesascoopaswell,andthentome.Iloadupmyplatewiththepickle-riddendippingsaucebecauseit’stheonlywayIcanchewthroughthesticksoffish.
“Itwasgreat,”Ianswer,theliefeelingrawonmytongue.
ThreethingsIlearnedwhilegrowingupwithastrong,independentwoman—youdon’tlie,youdon’tcheat,andyoualwaysworkforwhatyouwant.Well,Ijustlied,butIcan’tpossiblystomachtellingthetruth.NotwhenMomandJefftoldme—justlikeKelsey—whatabadideaitwastotakeajobfromAngela.HotandcoldAngela.NarcissisticanderraticAngela.Theytoldmetowaitoutthejobmarket,thatsomethingwouldcomealongforagraduatefromUCIrvinewithamaster’sinbusiness.
Somethingwouldcome.
Anythingwouldcome.
Nothingcame.
Absolutelyzeroopportunities.
Ibecamedesperate.
Studentloanswereknockingatmydoor,responsibilitywasfloodingaroundmyfeet.
Ineededajob.
Angelawasmyonlyoption.Sheofferedmetemporaryplacementwithinthecompany,alow-ballsalarythatforcedmetolivewithmymomsoIcouldmaintainlivinginSouthernCalifornia,andapromisethatifIperformedmyjobwell,thatafterayear,mysalarywouldtriple—yes,triple,that’showmuchofapaycutItook—andshe’dgivemeapermanentposition.MomandJeffsaidI’dbeafooltotakeit.Thatshe’dscrewmeoversomehow.
ButIhadnootheroptions.Absolutelynone.So,Ihadnochoice,inmymind.Itookit.
AndIslayed.
Overthenextfewmonths,Isawextremegrowthofthelifestyleblog.Celebritiesstartedbackingit,andbeforeIknewit,Angeloophadbecomeahouseholdname.Iwasapartofthat.Ithrewa“toldyouso”rightatMomandJeffafterourfirstfeaturedspotontheTodayShow.IsaidIhadtoputthetimein,andgoodthingswouldhappen.
Canyouhearthesarcasticlaughternow?
NotonlydoIhavenomoney,butnowIhavenojob,andinaweek—unlessIwanttotellMomandJeffthetruth—nowheretolive.
AsRachelGreenwouldsay,isn’tthatjustkick-you-in-the-crotch,spit-on-your-neckfantastic?
“Didyousignaleaseyet?IknowyoufoundaplaceoverinWestHollywoodnearyoursisteryouliked.”
ThatIdid,butthankGodformyfearofcommitment,becauseIdidn’tsignthelease.Thatwould’vejustaddedtothisnightmare.
“Ididn’tquitelikethatplace;thevibewasn’tthere.”
Jefflaughs.“Maura,doyourememberbeingtwenty-five,searchingforaplacetolivebasedoffavibe?”Heplayfullyclutcheshischest.“Thememories.”
Mymomchucklesandsmoothsherhandoverhisback.“IrememberIfoundaone-roomsquareoverinKoreatownwherethetoiletwasnexttomybedandI’duseitasanightstand.Itwasinthosenightstand-toilet-seatmomentsthatIthought,wow,thevibehereisreal…”Momlooksatme.“Realpoor,thatis.”
Chuckling,Jeffnods.“Toiletnightstand,gotmebeatthere.Ijusthadaneighborwithabroomthatwreckedmyvibeallthetime.”
Ilookbetweenthetwoofthem.“YouknowI’mborderlineaGenZ’er;thesarcasmcancutdeepattimes.”
TheybothlaughandthenMomsays,“You’reasoftmillennial.That’sokay,honey.YoucanstaywithMommyandStepdaddyforaslongasyouwant.Welovehavingnoprivacy.”ShesmirksandIknowshe’steasing.She’dneverkickmeoutofthehouse,butIalsoknowthey’vebeenlookingforwardtomydepartureforawhile.
“Ifyoulikehavingnoprivacy,thenwemightaswellhaveaslumberpartytonight.Wecanallcuddleupinyourqueen-sizebed.”
Jeffholdsuphishand.“Please,spareme.”
PoorJeff,suchagoodguy,andIcanseethathedoeswanttohavesomeprivacywithmymom.He’sbeenwithussinceIwasfifteen.Ithinkhe’sreadytohavesomeseriousalonetimewithmymom.Andjustlikethat,theguiltbuilds.DoesitsuckthatAngelafuckedmeover?Ofcourse,butwhatsucksevenmoreisifIdon’tfigurethisout,I’mgoingtobefuckingJeffandmymomoutofthefreedomthey’vebeenlookingforwardto.
“Wereallywanttowalkaroundnaked,”Momsaysoutoftheblue.WhenIgiveherahorrifiedlook,shesays,“Wheneveryou’rehangingoutwithyoursister,that’swhatwedo.WeturnonsomeHarryConnickJr.,stripdown,andthendancenakedinthelivingroom.”
“OhmyGod,whyareyoutellingmethis?”Isetmyforkdown,thepossibilityofeatingdwindling.Yes,Jeffandmymomareattractivepeople;JeffliftsweightsinthegarageandMomkeepsupwithherphysique,butgoodChrist!Notsomethingyouwanttoenvision.
“Justsoyouknowwhatwe’relookingforwardto.”Shewinksandthendipsafishstickintartarsaucecasually.
“Icould’vedonewithoutknowing.”Ileanbackinmychairandcrossmyarmsovermychest.
Momwavesherforkatmyplate.“Eatup,sweetie.Cobbleriswaitingforyou.”
HowcouldIforget?
***
Frombehindabush,IpeekthroughthebranchesandwatchasJeffpullsmymominforakiss,givesherassasqueeze—ugh,oldpeople—andthentheybothgetintheircarsandheadtowork.Idon’tpopoutofthebushesrightaway,instead,Iwaitanothertwominutesjusttomakesuretheydidn’tforgetanything.Withmyluck,they’dreturnhomejustasIwasbustingopenabagofchips.
WhenIfeelthecoastisclear,Imovearoundthebush,attemptingtonotsnagmyblackpencilskirtonabranch—can’taffordtoloseanygoodinterviewclothes—andItrudgeacrossthestreetinmygenericblackheels.ThankGodforseven-footshrubs,becauseIdon’tthinktheynoticedathing.Itiptoeupthesidewalktothehouse,unlockthedoor,slipinside,andthenletoutadeepbreath.
Missionaccomplished.Although,nowI’mwonderingwhyIdidn’tjustdrivetoKelsey’splaceratherthanworryaboutallthissubterfuge.
Thehumofthefridgefillstheratherquiethouse.Everythingisinorder,notathrowpillowoutofplace,notasingledishinthesink.Momprobablywantsthis.Peace.Theabilitytoenjoythehomeshe’sworkedsohardtokeep.
NotthatI’mloudorobnoxiousorabad“roommate,”butthere’ssomethingtohavingahousetoyourself,beingabletodowhatyouwantwithouttherepercussionsofsomeonewalkinginonyou.That’swhatMomandJeffwantdesperately.
Iknowthisbecausetheymentionitalmosteveryday.
Ineedtofindajob,andquick.
NotonlybecauseIwanttobeabletogivemymompeacewithJeff,butbecausethisgirldoesn’thavemuchinthebankaccountandstudentloanswon’tpaythemselves.Nottomentionmyhighschoolreunioniscomingupandwouldn’titjustbeafreakingcactustothearmpitifIshowup,unemployed,uptomyeyeballsinstudentloans,wearingadressfromfiveyearsago,andstilllivingwithmymom?
Andit’snotasifIcan’tshowup,becauseifIdon’tshowup,Angelawillknowwhy,andIcan’tgiveherthesatisfactionofknowingIreliedonher.
No,Ineedtofigurethisout.
IheadbacktomybedroomandchangeoutofmyworkoutfitandintoapairofshortsandarattyTaylorSwiftshirtthatI’vehadforoveradecade.
AsImakeitbackintothelivingroom,myphonebeepswithatext.
Kelsey:Allclear?
Lottie:Clear.
Afewminuteslater,Kelseycomesbustingthroughthedoorwithtequilaandmargaritafixingsinhand.“Theitemstoforgetallyourtroublesarehere.”
Iwalkuptoher,takethetequila,andthengiveherahug.“Thankyouforcomingover.”
“Whataresistersfor?Plus,Ihavealightdaytoday.Justfieldingsomeemails.IbroughtmycomputerwithmesoIcangetsomeworkdoneaswell.”
“Whiledrinking?”Iask,browraised.“Doesn’tseemlikeasmartidea.”
“We’regoingtotakeitslow.”Shegivesmeapointedlook.“Alcoholcaneasethepain,butit’snotgoingtofixanything.Unless…haveyoudecidedtotellMomandJeff?Becauseifthat’sthecase,I’llgetshit-facedwithyourightnow.Yousaytheword,andourheadswillbebattlingforprime-timetoiletspaceintwohours.”
Ishakemyhead.“No,I’mnottellingMomandJeff.”Margaritafixingsinhand,webothwalktothekitchen,whereweseteverythingonthecounter.“Idon’tthinkIhaveitinmetotellthem.Youshould’veseentheirfaceslastnightwhentheyweretalkingabouthavingthehousetothemselvesandhavingtheopportunitytofinallydancearoundnaked.”
“Ew.”Kelsey’sfacescrunchesup.
“Tellmeaboutit.ItwasavisualIdidn’tneedwhiletryingtochokedownMom’sfishsticks.”Igrabtwoglassesandashakerfromthecabinet.Kelseygoestothefreezerforatrayoficecubes—Momdoesn’tbelieveherfridgeneedstobeupdated,justliketheroof.“Buttheywereexcitedaboutmeleaving,andtotellthemthatthere’snoendinsightatthismoment,itmakesmewanttodrinkthisentirebottleoftequila.”Ipressmyhandtomyface.“I’msuchafailure,Kelsey.”
Sheslipsinbehindmeandgivesmeahug.Iwrapmyarmsaroundhersandholdhertight,lettingmyselftakeadvantageofthesisterlyhug.
“You’renotafailure,”Kelseysays.“You’vejusthitabumpintheroad.”
“Youalltoldmeshewasgoingtoscrewmeoveratsomepoint,andmaybeIthoughtthatinthebeginning,butafterfindingagroovewithworkandprovingmyworthatthecompany,IthoughtIcouldtrusther.ItrulythoughtI’dfoundmyplace.”Ishakemyhead.“I’manidiot.”
“You’renotanidiot.”Shepatsmyhandsbeforereleasingme.“Butmaybeyoumakesomebaddecisionsattimes.”
“Imakesomanybaddecisions.RememberthattimeyoutoldmenottoaskoutTylerDretchbecauseyousaidhelikedyou,butItriedtoproveyouwrongandaskedhimoutanyway?Hetoldmehewantedtodatetheyoungerversionofmyself.Thatwasinhighschool.HIGHSCHOOL,Kelsey.”
Shechuckles.“Iknow.Itoldyounotto.”
“AndthenwhenIboughtthosepeach-coloredseersuckers?Iconvincedyoutheywerethenewestfashionbutitjusthadn’thitthemarketyet,andIworethemtothebeachonlyforthemtotearinthecrotchseamwhenIbentover?Myasscracknevercinchedupsotightandsofastinmylife.”
“Icanstillseethehorrifiedlookonyourfaceasyoufeltthefirstoceanbreezecrossyourladybits.Notwearingunderwear,anotherbaddecision.”
“Yousee?Idon’tevenknowwhatagooddecisionis.”
“That’snottrue.Thosearejustsmallthings.You’vemadesomegooddecisions.”
“Ohyeah?”Iask,pouringthemargaritaingredientsintotheshaker.“Please,regalemewithmyamazingdecisions.”
Kelseyleansagainstthecounterandtapsherchin.“Uh…you…well,therewasthetime…hmm,oh,whatabout…eh,maybenotthat…”
“Please,keepthemcoming,”Isaydryly.“You’reshoweringmewithallmygooddecisions.Icanbarelybreathefromalltheflattery.”
“Justgivemeasecond,sheesh—oh,yougotyourmaster’sinbusiness.Thatwasagreatidea.”
“Wasit?”Iaskher.“BecauseI’vespentthelastyearusingmymeaslypaychecktopayoffmyheftystudentloans.Andthatmaster’sinbusinessdidabsolutelynothingformeotherthanlandmeajobwithAngela,which…weknowhowthatended.”
“Oh,Iforgotaboutthestudentloans.Aretheybad?”Kelsey’sfacescrunchesup.
Ishakethemixerandsay,“Ihonestlycan’tevenlook,I’mtooscared.Ihavethemonautopayrightnow.”
“Howmuchdoyouhaveinthebank?”
Iwince.
It’sbad.
AndIknewshewasgoingtoaskthequestion,butitdoesn’tmakeitanyeasier
Ipourthemargaritasintotheirrespectiveglasses.“Idon’tknow.Onceagain,tooscaredtolook.”
Kelseytakesadeepbreath,picksupherdrink,andsays,“Well,ifwe’regoingtofigureoutwhatyou’regoingtodo,thenwe’regoingtohavetoripthebandageoffandtakealookatwhatwe’reworkingwith.Weneedtoknowyourlevelofdesperation.”
Shepullshercomputerfromherbagandnodstowardthediningroomtable.
“It’stime,”shesays.
Crap…I’mafraidshe’sright.Itistime.
Istandthere,lifttheglasstomylips,andtakeaverylargesip.I’mgoingtoneedit.
***
Webothstareblanklyatthewallinfrontofus.
Notaword.
Notamovement.
Just…staring.
Theairconditionerwillkickoneveryfewminutes,blowingcoolairovermyheatedbody.Butthat’sit.That’stheonlymovementinthehouse,aslightwispofmyhairfloatingacrossmygrief-strickenandincrediblyshockedface.
I’veheardofrockbottombefore.I’vereadaboutit.I’veevenseenitonsomepeople.
IthoughtIwasatrockbottomyesterday.
ButIwaswrong.
This…thisrighthereisrockbottom.
Finally,afteratleastfiveminutesofsilence,Kelseysays,“So,I’dsayourlevelofdesperationisDEFCON1.”
Itipbackmydrinkandfinishthecontents.“Yup,”Isaysimply.
Overthirtythousanddollarsindebt,lessthanthreethousanddollarstomyname.
Notenoughforadepositandfirstmonth’srentformyownplace.
Notenoughtokeeppayingoffmyloans.
Notenoughtoconsidersomemoneytofallbackon.
Nope.
DEFCON1ispreciselywhatwe’redealingwith—nuclearwar.
“Youreallyweren’tmakingmuch,wereyou?”Kelseyasks.
“No,Iwasn’t.”Ipressmyhandagainstmyforehead,theseverityofmysituationreallystartingtosinkin.“Ihatetoadmitit,butIthinkIhavetostartstripping.”
“What?”Kelseyasks.
“Yup,stripping.I’veseenhowmuchthosegirlsmake.They’rerakinginthedough.”Iliftthecollarofmyshirtandpeerdownatmybody.“Ihaveniceboobs,maybesmallerthanwhatsomemightenjoy,butguyslikethat,right?They’reperkyenough.AndIcan…swaytothemusic.”
“Stripclubsaren’tlookingforpeopletoswaytoTaylorSwiftmusic,theywantyougyrating.Doyouknowhowtogyrate?”
“You’renevertoooldtolearnsomethingnew.Gyratingisjustthrustingyourpelvis,right?Isaywelookupsomestripclubsandjust,youknow,scopeoutthecompetition.Seewhat’sgettingthepenisesuparoundHollywoodthesedays.”
“I’mgoingtotellyourightnow,it’snotthekindoftwo-step,side-to-sidedancingyoudo.Also,Momwouldmurderyou.Andyourealize,you’dhavetodanceinathong,andyourboobswouldbeoutforeveryonetosee.”
Irollmyeyes.“Iknowwhatstrippersdo.I’mnotanidiot.”Itapmychin.“DoyouthinkifIgetmynipplepierced,thatwouldhelpmychances?”
Kelseyactuallygivesitsomethought.“Maybe—wait,no.”Sheshakesherhead.“You’renotgoingtobeastripper.Therehastobeabetterideathanexposingmentoyourbare-breastedtwo-step.”Shestandsandholdsherhandouttome.Shehelpsmestandaswellandthensays,“Let’sgoforawalk.Freshairwillclearourheads.Boozeisalwaysagoodideatoforget,butwecan’tforget,becausewe’reinDEFCON1moderightnow.Weneedideas,notsorrows.”
“AreyousayingI’mnotallowedtowallow?”
Sheshakesherheadagain.“No.Wehavenotimeforwallowing.Notunlessyou’rereadytotellMom—”
“Nowayinhell.”
“Thengetyourshoes,becauseweneedtogetthinking.”
Notbotheringwithsneakers,Isliponmysandals,welockup,andthenweheadoutofthehouse.Kelseywalksacrossthestreetandturnsright.
“YouwanttowalkthroughTheFlats?”Iaskher.“Doyouwanttodepressme?”
“Beingsurroundedbyrich,elaboratehousesmightbeexactlywhatyouneed.Inspiration.”
Draggingmyfeet,Ifollowher,andwestartourwalkthroughtheneighborhoodofthemostelaborateandornatehousesinLosAngeles.Thesidewalksareimmaculate,withnotacrackinthecement,andthegrassissopristinelycutthat,fromaquickglance,onewouldassumeitisAstroTurf,that’showperfectitis.Amixtureofpalmtreesandoldoaktreeslinetheroads,whilecascadingbushesandwrought-irongatesprotectthedwellingsofthewealthy.
“Thisisdepressing,”IsayasIgototurnaround.
“No,thisisinspiring.Youhavetohaveamindsetchange.Whoknows?Maybebywalkingthesestreets,we’llrunintosomeonerichwhowantstoworkonacharitycase—you.”
“Aren’tyoucute.”
Shechuckles.“Seriously,though,youneverknowwhowemightruninto.Haven’tyouheardthosestoriesaboutpeoplewhomeetaninvestoronanairplaneandnextthingyouknow,theirproductisineveryTargetinthecountry?”
“No,”Ianswer.“Ihaven’theardthosestories.”
“Well,theyhappen.Youneverknowwhoyoumightruninto.”Shelaughs.“Youcouldpossiblymeetarichhusband,walkingthesestreets.”Sheglancesatmeandthenlooksmeupanddown.“Well,notdressedlikethat,but—”
“Youknow,thatmightnotbeabadidea,”Isay.
“What?Meetingarichhusband?”Kelseyasks.“Sis,Iwasjoking.”
Butit’snotajokeinmyhead.And,yes,itmightbethetequila—whatlittlewehad—talking,buttherehavetobemenaroundherelookingforsomeonetomarry,right?Somesingletonslookingforarompontheirluxurymattressthatcouldverywellturnintoalifelongcoupling?I’mnotopposedtoimpressingwithmysexualexploitstosnagaman.Remember,DEFCON1.
“No,thiscouldbesomething.”
“Oh,Jesus,”Kelseysaysinanexasperatedtone.“Lottie,Iknowyou’redesperate,butweneedtobesmart-desperate.Findingarichhusbandisn’tthesolutiontoyourproblems.Whatareyougoingtodo,getmarriednextweek?”
“Lovecanhappenthatfast.”
“I’mgoingtostopyourightthere—thisisn’tasolution.Weneedsomethingconcrete,somethingwecancontrol.”
“No.”Igesturetothehousesaroundus.“Lookattheseplaces.Youcan’ttellmeallthesepeoplearelivingtheperfectlife.Ibettherearesomebachelorsherelookingforsomeonetokeepthemwarmatnight.”Ipointtomychest.“Thatpersoncanbeme.I’mwarm.Ihavesnugglyarms,andI’llputout.Ihavenoproblemwithsuchbehavior.”
“Jesus,helpme,”Kelseysays,pressingherhandstogetherwhilelookinguptothesky.
Iliftmyphoneandopenmybrowser.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Kelseyasks.
“Lookinguphowtosnagarichhusband.”
“Lottie,you’velostit.Truly,thisisanall-timelowforyou.”
“Precisely,whichmeansIcanonlygoupfromhere.Oh,look.”Ipointatmyphone.“Anarticleonhowtoimpresstherich.”Iclickonitandstartscrolling.“Itsaystheylikebraids.”IlookupatKelsey.“Richpeoplelikebraids?Doyourclientshavebraidsintheirhair?”
Kelseythinksaboutit.“Imean…IguessI’veworkedwithafewwhohavethecuteminibraidsintheirhair.”
“Okay,braids—check.”
“Lottie,youcan’tbeserious.”
Desperationconsumesme,andonceI’mfixatedonsomethingthatIthinkwillsavemefrommycurrentsituation,Igoallin.So…yes,Iamserious.
“Classyclothes,nothingscandalous.”Iglancedownatmyshirt.“ThinktheywouldlikethisTaylorSwiftshirt?”
“No,”Kelseysays.“Noonelikesthatshirt.Ithasholesinthearmpits.”
“Unlessyou’veexperiencedthekindofbreezereceivedfromtheseholesinthearmpits,youhavenoopiniononthematter.Butnoted,therichmightnotenjoyit.”Iscanthearticle.“Makeup,sophisticatedconversations.Knowledgeonavastarrayoftopics.”Ithinkaboutit.“DoIknowalotofthings?”
“Whatkindsofthings?”
Iscanthearticleagain.“Doesn’tsay,justavastarrayoftopics.”
“Uh,Imean,youknowalotofrandomfactsaboutrealityTV.”
“Ido.”Iperkup.“Thatcanbeentertaining.”
“Probablynotforsomeonewhobringsinenoughmoneytoaffordatwenty-four-million-dollarhome.”
“Hmm,yeah,maybeyou’reright.Nottoworry,I’llperuseWikipedia,brushuponsomeknowledge.”
“Yeah,becauseWikipediaistheplacetodothat,”Kelseysayssarcasticallyandthenstopstofaceme.“Ithinkwereallyneedtofocushere,Lottie.Comeupwithavalididea.Iknowthisisn’twhatyouwanttodo,butmaybeyoucanaskKenifyoucan—”
“No,”Isay,turningawayfromherandcontinuingtowalkdownthemanicuredstreets.“I’mnotcontactingKen.”
“Buthe’dhaveajobforyou,youknowhewould.”
“Kenisoutofthequestion.I’dratherrubmyboobonsomedrunkman’sfacethancallKen.”
“Isitbecausehe’sdatingAngelanow?”
Myjawgrowstightasmylipstwisttotheside.“No,Ijustdon’tfeellikecrawlingbacktomyexwholeftmeformybossafterIintroducedhimtoher.Begginghimforajobathislamefreight-shippingcompanyissomethingI’llneverdo.Seriously,myboobonadrunkman’sfaceissomuchmoreappealingthanthat.”
“Youknowhe’dhelpyou,”Kelseypushes.
Ishakemyheadandthenturnaroundtoheadbackhome.“Thisisuseless.Weshouldbethinkingofusefulideas,notwalkingaround,comingupwithideaslikecallingupmyexforajob.Honestly,Kelsey,you’renotbringingyourA-gametoday.”
“Ididn’tgetalotofsleeplastnightandIthinkthatmargaritamixwasold.”Sheholdsherstomach.
Itakeherhandandturnheraroundwithme.“Thisfreshairideawasaflop.”
“Betterthansittingonthecouchwithapitcherofmargaritas.”
“Ibegtodiffer,”Isayasablackcardrivestowardus,windowstintedblack.“Youknow,thatpersoninthatcarcouldbemyescapeoutofthismess.I’mstillthinkingfindingarichhusbandisthewaytogo.”
“You’redelusional.Yourealizethat?Especiallydressedlikeanunemployedvagabond.Nooneisgoingtowantanythingtodowithyouinthatgetup.”
“I’llhaveyouknow—thesearemyniceshorts.They’reonlythreeyearsold.”
Kelseyslowclapsforme.“Bravo,sis.”
Wecrossthestreetandheadtowardthehouse,andmyphonebeepsinmyhand.WemakeourwayupthesidewalktothehouseasIbringmyphoneintoview.
AndthenIstopdead.
Kelseynoticesandasks,“What?Whatisit?DoMomandJeffknowwe’rehome?”
Ishakemyheadandshowhermyphone.“Angelatextedme.”
“Noooooo.”Kelseytakesthephonefrommyhandsandpunchesinmypasscode.Yup,we’rethatclose.“Whatthehelldoyouthinkshewants?”
“Idon’tknow,youtookmyphone.”
Together,weleanin,andKelseyholdsthephoneoutinfrontofussowecanbothreadit.
Angela:Hey,girl,nowthatyouhavetimeonyourhands,thinkyouwanttohelpmewiththereunionplanning?Icouldreallyuseyourmagictouch.You’resogoodateverything.
“Whattheactualfuck?”Kelseyshouts.“Shehastheaudacitytotextyouandaskyouforhelp?Hasshelostherdamnmind?Andtimeonyourhands?Uh,youhavenotimeonyourhandsbecauseofher;youhavetospendallthattimelookingforanewjob.”
Ijuststaredownatthetext,unabletomove.Stunnedthatshe’dsaysuchathingtome.Thatshe’dthinkit’sokay,afterfiringme.
It’snothingpersonal…
Yeah,well,it’spersonaltome.
Ishakemyhead.“She’stheworsthumanbeingIthinkI’veevermet.”
“Gladyou’refinallynoticingthat.”Kelseypatsmeonthebackandencouragesmetoenterthehouse,butIstaystill.
“There’snowayI’mgoingtothatreunion.Doyouknowwhy?Becauseshe’sjustgoingtospendithumiliatingme.”
Kelseyturnsmetowardherandforcesmetolookherintheeyes.
“Oh…you’regoingtothatreunion.Doyouhearme?You’regoing,andyou’regoingtoshowupwithsomehot-as-shitguyonyourarmwho’sgoingtomakeKenlooklikeafreakingtroll,andAngelaisgoingtodroolalloverhim.”
“It’sintwomonths.Currently,Ihavenojob,Ilivewithmymom,andIhavezeroprospectsforarmcandy.”Ipointatherandsay,“Andifyouevenjokeabouthiringanescort,oursistershipisdone.Gotit?”
Shenods.“Iunderstand.Escortisnotanoption.”Shetapsherchin.“Let’sgoinside,figurethisout.Formaplan.We’llgetyououtofthismess,evenifitmeansyousleeponthefloorofmystudioapartmentforafewweeks.”
“AndhereIthoughtI’dhitrockbottom,butyoujustofferedupawholenewlow.”
***
Kelsey:Youknow,Ijustmeasuredoutmystudio.Anothertwinbedwon’tfitinherewithmyfurniture.Whatifwestacksomepillowsundermybistrotable?Mightfeellikeabunkbedorsomething.
Lottie:I’mnotstayingatyourplace.
Kelsey:Wespentalldayyesterdaytryingtocomeupwithsomething.That’sthebestI’vegot.YouknowifIcouldaffordto,I’dlovetohireyousoyoucouldtakecareofallthebusinessthings,andIcouldfocusmoreonclientoutreach.Butyouneedmoney.
Lottie:Workingwithyouwouldbethedream,butifIwanttogetoutofMom’shouse,Ineedmoney.Butdon’tworry,Ihaveitcovered.
Kelsey:Whatdoyoumeanyouhaveitcovered?Itoldyou,nostripping,nomatterhowniceyourboobsare.
Lottie:I’mnotstripping.Idon’tthinkmynipsarereadyforthatkindofexposure.
Kelsey:Then,I’mafraidtoaskwhatyourplanis.
Lottie:I’mnotsayingthisistheendgoal,butatleastit’ssomethinguntilIcanfigureoutmore.
Kelsey:Lottie,whatthehellareyoudoing?
Lottie:Just…takingastroll.
Kelsey:OhmyGOD!AreyouinTheFlatsrightnow?
Lottie:Nothingwrongwithalittleexercise.Gottogetmymusclesmoving,youknow?
Kelsey:Whatareyouwearing?Ifyousayheelsandadress,I’mgoingtodriveoverthereandpickyouup.ThisisnotaPrettyWomanmoment.Youhearme?JuliaRobertsluckedoutwithEdward.That’sonceinalifetime.
Lottie:Thatwasfictional.
Kelsey:Eitherway,whatareyouwearing?
Lottie:[picture]Simpleworkoutclothes.
Kelsey:You’rewearingasportsbra,noshirt.That’sflashy.
Lottie:Yeah,andthesepeopleareflashy.HighponytailsoIlookapproachableandfun,withofcourseabraidontheside.Brightwhitesneakers,becausetheyscreamIliketennis.AndIfoundaFujiwaterbottleonthegroundyesterdaywhenIwaspretendingtocomehomefromwork,andIbroughtithome,cleanedit,andI’mcarryingitnowsoitlookslikeIbuyexpensivewater.
Kelsey:Eeeww.Areyoudrinkingfromit?
Lottie:God,no.I’mnotreadytocontractsyphilis.It’sjustaprop.
Kelsey:Aprop?I’msorry,areyouinamovieIdon’tknowabout?
Lottie:Notyet,butIdidapplytosomeservicethatgathersextrasforTVandfilm.Youcanmake$40aday.Score.
Kelsey:Youknow,IneverthoughtI’dseeyoulikethis,but…wow.
Lottie:What’sthatsupposedtomean?
Kelsey:You’reexcitedaboutthepossibilityofmaking$40aday,whileperusingthestreetsforpossiblesingle,richmen,inaneighborhoodyoudon’tbelongin.CALLKEN!
Lottie:OVERMYDEADBODY.Icanfeelit,Kels.Thisisitforme.Today,mylifeisgoingtochange,evenifitmeansIhavetostayouthereallday,walkingupanddownthesedamnstreets.Thisismyout.
Kelsey:Whenyoucomehome,don’tbesurprisedwhenthere’saninterventionsetup.Becausethisisanewlowforyou.
Lottie:I’mgoingtomakeyoueatyourwords.Justwatch!ChapterThree
HUXLEY
JPpresseshisfingerstohistemples.“Holdthefuckon.Letmegetthisstraight.”Helooksupatme.“YouranintoDaveToneyonthestreetandtoldhimyouwereengagedtoagirlfromGeorgiaandthatshe’spregnant?”
Iwetmylips.“Thatwouldbecorrect.”
We’resittingonmyfrontporch,beersinhand,asIbreakthenewstomybrothersthatInotonlyfuckedup,butIROYALLYfuckedup.Ididn’ttellthemyesterdayafterIsawDaveonthestreet,becausehonestly,IneededasecondtoprocesswhatthehellI’dgottenmyselfinto.NowthatI’vehadmorethantwenty-fourhourstothinkaboutit,Irealizethat,yes,I’mgoingtoneedsomeassistancefrommybrotherstogetmeoutofthisone.
Breakerrestshisbeeronthearmrestofhischairandasks,“Whatthehellwereyouthinking?”
Ishrug.“Isawanopportunity,andwithoutthinking,Itookit.”
“Claimingyournon-existentfiancéeispregnantwithyourchildisn’tanopportunity,that’sabigfuckingmistake.Dude,youhavetohavedinnerwiththeminthreedays.”
Igripmyhairandpullonit.“Iknow.Fuck,whatamIgoingtodo?”
“Uh,tellhimthetruth,thatyou’realiar,”JPsays.
“Becausethat’sgoingtosecurethedeal.”Irollmyeyes.“Ican’tdothat.IfItellhimIlied,ourreputationisgoingtobetarnished.Noonewillwanttoworkwithus.”
“Youcouldn’thavethoughtaboutthatbeforeyouwentandmadeupafakebabyandfiancée?”Breakerasks.“Shit,man.”
Yeah,Ifuckingknow.
Icouldn’tsleeplastnight,becauseallIkeptthinkingaboutwashowthehellIwasgoingtogetmyselfoutofthissituation.Honestly,Ihavenoideawhatcameoverme.
Theproperty,yes,couldbeahugeprofitforus,especiallywithwhatI’velinedupidea-wise,butit’snotasifthisdealwillmakeorbreakthecompany.Ithinkthere’sjustapartofmethatneedstogetwhatIcan’thave.Andthat,rightnow,isthoseproperties.Ihavemyeyessetonthem,andapparently,I’lldojustaboutanythingtosecurethem.
Evenifitmeansputtingourbusinessontheline.
Andthatmademefeelsicktomystomachatthreeo’clockthismorning.MybrothersandIhavebuiltCaneEnterprisesintotheconglomerateitistodaywithalotofhardwork,alotofrightmoves,andalotofreinvesting.
Thatonelittlemistakeyesterday—itcouldcostusallthathardwork,especiallyifwordgetsaround.
“Doyouhaveanyfriendsthataresinglewomen?”Breakerasks.
“Ibarelyhavetimetohangoutwithyoutwo;doyoureallythinkIhavetimetonurtureafriendshipwithawoman?”
“Hey.”Breakerholdsuphishands.“Don’tgetsnarkywithme.You’retheonewhocameupwiththisgreatfuckingidea.”
Sighing,Istandfrommychairandsetdownmybeer.
“Whatareyoudoing?”JPasks.
“Goingforawalk.Ineedtoclearmyhead.”
“Fine,”Breakersays,standingaswell.“I’mgoingtoorderfoodwhileyoudothat.Andyouknowwhat?I’mgettingfuckingicecreamtoo,becausethisisoneofthoseicecreammoments.”
“Cookiesandcream,dude.I’vebeencravingit,”JPsaysastheybothgointothehouse.
Ijogdownthefewstepsfrommyporchtomysidewalkandheadouttowardthestreet.Iusethedoorintheguardgate,ratherthanhavingtoopentheentiregate,andthenturnright.
It’sjustpastsix.Icamehomeearly,becauseIcouldn’tstandsittingattheofficeanylongerthanIhadtotoday,andit’sbecauseonmycomputerscreen,inbigboldletters,wasane-vitetoDaveToney’shousefordinnerwiththemissus.Yup…themissus.
ItwasableedingreminderofhowIlostmydamnmindyesterday.Attheageofthirty-five,you’dthinkI’dhavetheabilitytostaymore…calm,butthatwasn’tthecase.Thepressuregottome.
Maybeit’sbecauseIfeeltheneedtobethebest.Turningthirty-fivehasmademerealizethatI’mstillyoungandhavesomuchpotential,andifIcontinuetomakethedealsI’mmaking,wecouldeasilybecometheyoungestbillionairesinthebusiness.
Moneyshouldn’tbeamotivator,buthell,theprestigeofitis.
Igripthebackofmyneckinfrustration.Dadisprobablylookingdownatme,laughinghisassoff,thinkingIgotmyselfintoonehellofasituationthistime.Growingup,eventhoughIwastheoldest,Iwasalsothetroublemaker,theonewhopushedthelimits.Notthetypicalfirstbornpersonality,butI’dpushandpushandpushuntilIwasstuckbetweenarockandahardplace,andDadwouldjustsitbackandlaughwhileIattemptedtobecomeunstuck.Ialwayssucceeded,butthistimearound,I’mnotsosureI’llbeableto.
I’veperformedmyfairshareofmiracles,butfindingawomantofallinlovewithme,acceptmyproposal,andgetpregnantinthreedaysseemslikeabitofastretch.
Ifonlyagirlcouldjustfallrightinmylap,willingandreadytogothroughthisrusewithme.Someone,anyone…
Iturnthecornerandalmostrunstraightintoaconfusedballofbrunette.
“Oh,sorry,”IapologizeasIgripbothofherarmstokeepherfromtopplingoverintothegrass.
“Hey,watchwhereyou’regoing,”shesnapsatmewhilepullingaway.
“Jesus,”Isay,holdingmyhandsup.“Itwasanaccident.”
Shesteadiesherselfandthenadjustsherlong,brownponytail.Iquicklytakeherin.She’sasmallthing,petite,headbarelyreachesmychin.HerskinhasthatCaliforniaglowtoitthattellsmeshehastimetohitupthebeachorpool,andthedefinitioninherarmsmakesmebelieveshehastimetogotothegymaswell.Probablysomehousewifeoutforawalk,tryingtogetherstepsinbeforethehusbandcomeshomefromalatenightattheoffice.
Whensheturnstofaceme,though,hell…I’mstruckinthegoddamnchestasherlightgreeneyesmeetmine.Aseafoamcolor,solightthatit’salmoststartlingagainsthernatural,thickblacklashes.
Damn.
Hereyesquicklyroammybodyandthenmeetmineagain,butthistime,she’snothostile,more…frustrated.
“Sorry,I’mjust…ugh,I’mlost.AndIshouldn’tbetellingacompletestrangerI’mlostbecausethat’saninvitationtotakeadvantageofme.Butmyphonedied,andIcan’trememberwhichwaytogo.”
“Oh,soyoudon’tlivearoundhere?”
Shescoffs.“I’mwearingfour-year-oldleggingsfromTarget.Trustme,Idon’tlivearoundhere.”Andthen,asifsherememberssomething,shesays,“Uh,Imean,I’mfromhere.I,uh…I’mposhandallthosethings.”Withadeepexhale,hershouldersslumpandsherestsherhandsonherhips.“WhoamIkidding?Thiswasastupid-assidea,andnowI’mlostandhungryandmymomisgoingtocallthecopsifIdon’tcomehomesoon.”
Ohshit,howoldisthisgirl?Iassumedoldenoughtolookat,butifhermomisworried…
“Beingthatit’saschoolnight,Icanseewhyshe’dbeworried,”Isay.“Youcanusemyphoneifyouwant.”
Shestandstaller.“Schoolnight?HowolddoyouthinkIam?”
Igripthebackofmyneck.“Idon’tknow.Yousaidyourmomwouldbeworried.”
“Becauseshe’sanoverprotectivemotherandI’matwenty-eight-year-oldloserwhogetslostinarichneighborhoodwhiletryingtofindarichhusband.”
“What?”Ilaugh.
“Uh-huh.”Shefoldsherarmsoverherchest,whichpropsupherbreastsinthatalreadyspectacularsportsbra.“Triedtolookforarichhusbandtoday.Notagolddigger,though,ifthat’swhatyou’rethinking.Justseekingrevengeforahighschoolreunion.Youknowthedeal.”
“I’munfamiliarwithneedingtofindarichhusband.”
“So,you’renotgay?”
Myeyebrowsshoottomyhairline.Thisgirlholdsnothingback.“DoIseemgay?”
“Imean,ifyouwanttolaydownstereotypes,then,no,youlookmorelikeanalphaassholeyoumightfindintheboardroom.It’sthehaircutandwatch.”
Iglancedownatmywatchandthenbackather.Thewatchisreallyexpensive.“Igetthealphaintheboardroom,butwhytheasshole?”
Shescansme,hernosescrunches,andshesays,“Yourcologne.Smellstoogood.Niceguysneversmellthatgood.”
“Fromthisbriefconversation,I’mgoingtoassumeyoufoundnotakersinyourrichhusbandsearch.”
“Nope.”ShepopstheP.“You’reactuallythefirstguyI’verunintotoday.Imaginethat.Receivedplentyofjudgmentalstaresfromtheladiesaroundhere,though.”
“It’sprobablybecauseofyourfour-seasons-ago-Targetleggings,”Ijoke.
“Yeah,theycantotallytellthatkindofstuff.”Shetiltsherheadtotheside.“CanIaskyouaquestion?”
“Sure,”Ianswer,sortofenjoyingthisoddencounter.
“You’rerich,right?”WhenIdon’tanswer,sherollshereyesandadds,“I’mnotgoingtopulloutanailfileandtrytostabyou,ifthat’swhatyou’reworriedabout.Ireadthisarticleonhowtosnagarichguy,andIfeelasthoughoneofthesuggestionswaswrong.”
Istickmyhandsinmypocketsandcasuallysay,“Ihavemoney.”
Shesnorts.“Yeah,I’msureyoujusthaveit.”Shakingherhead,shesays,“Okay,you’reloaded,let’sgowiththat—becauseit’sobvious.Iwanttoknow,dorichguyslikebraids?”
“Braids?”Iask,confused.
“Youknow.”Shepointstothesideofherhead,wherethere’sasmallbraidstretchedacrossherheadandthentiedintoherponytail.“Braids.Doyoulikethese?”
“Uh,Imean…sure?It’snotlikeI’msuperexcitedaboutit,butIdon’thateit,either.”
“Iknewit,”shewhisperswhilesnappingherfingers.“Thatarticlewastotalclickbait.IcouldtellbythemillionsofadsonthepagethatkeptpoppingupeverytimeIscrolleddown.Dupedagain.”
“DoIevenwanttoknow?”
“Probablynot.”
Irockonmyheels.“So,lookingforarichboyfriend,huh?”
Sheeyesmeskeptically.“Yes.”
“Youknow,I’msingle.”
Iknow,Iknow.Whatthehellareyouthinking,Huxley?Thisisarandomgirlonthestreet,lookingforarichboyfriend.Forallyouknow,shecouldverywellbeagolddigger.Shecouldbebadnews.Shecouldbeadecoyforsomeonetodrivebywithavanandrobyou.It’shappenedbeforeinthisneighborhood.
And,fromthewayherleggingsfittightlyagainstherflatstomach,it’sasolidguessthatshe’snotpregnant,thereforemakingthisplanofmineexponentiallyworse.ButIdon’tseeanyotheroptionsatthemoment.
She’ssingle,andshe’sawoman,theonlytworequirementsI’mtrulylookingforatthispoint.
Stilllookingskeptical,shefoldsherarmsoverherchest.“You’resingle.”
“Yeah.Singleastheycome.”
“Andyou’retellingmethisbecause…”
Yeah,whyareyoutellingherthis,Huxley?Whyareyoutellingacompletestrangerthatyou’resingle,withtheintentionthatyoucanusehertoyouradvantage?
BecausesheseemstoneedhelplikeIneedhelp,andifI’velearnedanythingaboutbusiness,it’sthatbusinessdealscangoalongwayifmadeproperly,iftheycanbenefitbothparties.
AndIverywellmighthaveabusinessdealinthemaking.
“Youknow,Ithinkweshouldgograbsomethingtoeat.”
Shedoesn’tmove,doesn’tevenblink.“Okay,whatkindofcreepareyou?”
“Excuseme?”Iask.
Shemotionsatmewithherfinger.“ItoldyouI’mlookingforarichboyfriend.Youshouldberunningaway.Youshouldprobablybecallingthecopstoescortmeoutofhereandbacktomymom’smodestbungalow.There’snowayinhellyoushouldbeaskingmetograbsomethingtoeat.So,what’syourgame,man?”
She’sspunky,outspoken,unlikeanygirlI’vemet,that’sforsure.Andshe’sright.Ishouldbescared.Sheseemstohavethekindoftenacitythatwouldbringamantohisknees,butshealsoisaqualifiedcandidateforwhatI’mlookingfor,andI’mthreedaysawayfromadinnerdate.I’mwillingtorollthedice.
“Ihavenogame—”
“Don’tbullshitme.”
Wow,shereallycallsitlikeitis.
“Justtellmewhatyourendgameis.”
“Fine,”Isay,seeingwherethisisgoing.“Imightbeintheneedforafakefiancée.”I’llkeepthepregnantthingtomyselffornow.
“Afakefiancée?”sheasks.“Why?”
Iglancearoundatoursurroundings.“Idon’ttendtotalkbusinessinthemiddleoftheneighborhood.Ifyou’reinterestedintalkingaboutthis,thenwhydon’tyoumeetmeattheChipotleonSantaMonicaandBeverlyinanhour?”
“Chipotle?”sheasks,dumbfounded.“You’rerich—supposedly—andthat’swhereyouwanttomeetfordinner?”
“Ilikeburritos,”Isaywithashrug.“Plus,anywhereelseisn’tgoingtoacceptsomeonewearingfour-seasons-agoleggingsandasportsbraintotheirestablishment.”Evenifthesportsbramakeshertitslookamazing.
Shedoesn’tanswerrightaway,instead,takeshertime,butwhenshedoesanswer,shesays,“That’sfair.CaretodirectmebacktomyhousesoIcanputonsomethingmoresuitableforChipotle?”
“Sure.”IpulloutmyphoneandopentheGoogleMapsapp.Ihandhermyphoneandletherfigureitoutonherown.“MynameisHuxley,bytheway.”
Hereyesflutteruptomine.“Huxley,huh,that’saninterestingname.AnyinspirationfromHuckleberryFinn?”
“NotthatI’mawareof.”Whenshegoesbacktothephone,Iask,“Andyouwouldbe…”
“Lottie,”shesays,zoominginonthephoneandgainingherbearingsassheglancesaroundthestreets.
“Lottie.Anyinspirationfromalollipop?”
Herbrowraiseswhenshelooksupatme.“No.It’sactuallyshortforLeiselotte.Butnoone,andImeannoone,callsmethat.Notevenmyparents.”Shepointsatme.“Anddon’teventhinkaboutcallingmethat.Gotit?”
Iholdupmyhandsindefense.“Gotit.”
“Good.”Shehandsmebackmyphoneandsays,“IknowwhereI’mgoingnow.I’maboutamileaway.”
“Willanhourbelongenoughforyoutogetback?”
“DoyouthinkI’llbecrawling?”
Sofiery.
Sofierce.
“No,justnotsurehowlongitwouldtakeyouto,youknow…shower.”
Herbrowsshootuptoherhairline.“AreyouimplyingIstink?”
Jesus.
Idragmyhandovermyface.“No,Ijust…Idon’tknowwhatyouneedtodotogetready.”
Sheholdsuponehand.“Trustme,itwon’ttakelong.I’mnotheretoimpressanyone.”Shetakesastepback.“Chipotle,inanhour.”Shepointsatme.“You’rebuying.”
Andthenshetakesoffatajog,andforsomereason,Ikeepmyeyestrainedonherheart-shapedbackside.
Business.Opportunity.Cane.That’swhatIneedtofocuson,becauseLittleMissNo-One-Calls-Me-LeiselottemightbejustthewomanIneed.Smart.Quickonherfeet.
Desperate.
***
“Whatdoyoumean,you’releaving?”JPasksfrommydiningroomtable.“Andwhyareyoudressedlikethat?”
“Likewhat?”IaskasIadjustthecuffsonmybutton-upshirt.
“Asifyou’reabouttogoonadate,”Breakeranswersbeforetakingasipofhisbeer.
“BecauseIam.”
Bothofmybrotherssitupintheirchairsandsettheirbeersdownonthesandalwooddiningroomtable,towhichIhavenoattachment.Mydesignerpurchaseditbecauseitgoeswithmy“designaesthetic.”
“Whatdoyoumean,you’regoingonadate?”JPasks.“Youwerejustoutside,tryingtodigyourselfoutofthemessyou’vemadewithDaveToney.Youwentonawalk,andnowyou’regoingonadate?”
“Yeah,”IsayasIsliponmyshoes.
“How?”Breakerasks.
“Ranintoheronthesidewalk.Shewaslookingforarichboyfriend.Ihappentoberich.Therefore,itworksoutperfectly.”
“What?”JPasks,hisvoicedisbelieving.“Holdon.Youmetagirlonthesidewalk,sheopenlytoldyoushe’slookingforarichboyfriend,andnowyou’retakingherout?”
Ifinishtyingmyshoe,stand,andadjustmyslate-greyshorts.“Yup.”They’reabouttoopentheirmouthswhenIpinthemwithasteelyglare.“Doyouhaveanybetterideas?Doyouhaveanyotherwomenliningupforthejob?”
“Issheliningupforthejob?”JPasks.
“She’sawarethatIneedafakefiancée.”
“Idon’tknow,”Breakersays.“Thisseemslikeareallybadidea.Goingoutwithsomeoneyoudon’tknow.”
Igivehimaconfusedlook.“Dude,that’swhatdatingisallabout,goingoutwithsomeoneyoudon’tknow.”
“Butthisisdifferent.Shewantsarichboyfriend,youneedafakefiancée,who’stosayshe’snotgoingtotakeadvantageofyou?Howdoyouknowshewon’tagreetowhateveryouhavegoingoninyourheadbutthendosomethinglikegotothemediaandfuckupourreputation?”
Istuffmyphoneinmypocketandsay,“That’swhywepayourlawyersanextremeamountofmoney,sotheycancreatecontractstopreventthatfromhappening.”WhenBreakerstilllooksuneasy,Isay,“Listen,Ididn’tgivehermylastname,andshedidn’tseemtorecognizemeeither,soI’mgoingtofeelheroutandseeifshe’sinterested.Ifso,I’llgetHarveytodrawupanNDA,aswellasanagreementforbothofustosign.”
“Idon’tknow,”Breakersays,leaningbackinhischairnow.“Thisseemsreallyfuckingrisky.”
“ThentellmewhatIshoulddo.Doyouhaveanotherplanofaction?”Iask,armsspread.
“TellDavethatyourfiancéeisn’tavailablethisweekend.Thatshe’sawayforthenexttwoweeks.So,thedinnerdateneedstobepostponed.Although,Iwouldn’thaveliedinthefirstplace,”Breakersays.
“Toofuckinglateforthat,”Isayinahuffwhilegrabbingmykeys.Nottomention,Iwantthisdealdoneanddusted.Notwaitinganotherfuckingtwoweeks,whenI’dprobablybenoclosertofindingafakefiancée.Onmywaytothegarage,Isay,“Beback.Lockupifyouleave.”
Ihatetoadmitthatthey’reright—thisiscrazy,slightlystupid,andincrediblyrisky,butIalsodugmyhole.Imightaswelllieinit.ChapterFour
LOTTIE
Lottie:OMG,KELSEY!!!
Kelsey:What?DidMomandJefffindout?IswearIhaven’tsaidanything.
Lottie:No,Ifoundarichman.
Kelsey:Uh…what?
Lottie:Idon’thavealotoftime.MyphoneischargingandI’mmeetinghiminabouttwenty-fiveminutesattheChipotledownthestreet.But,yeah,Ifoundarichman.
Kelsey:Holdon.Whatdoyoumeanyoufoundarichman?Whatwereyoudoing?
Lottie:**Puffschest**Whileonmywalk.Igotlost,andthenBAM,richmantosavetheday.ToldyouIcouldfindonewalkingthroughTheFlats.
Kelsey:You’refuckingwithme.
Lottie:I’mnot,Iswear.I’mputtingonsomemascararightnowandI’mtryingtodecideifIgoincasualorifIputonasundress.Honestly,Ihavenoneedtoimpresshim.He’stheonewhowantstodiscussthings.
Kelsey:Discussthings?Whatdoesthatevenmean?Whyaren’tyouansweringyourphonewhenIcallyou?Ineedtoknowwhatthehellisgoingon.
Lottie:Ican’ttalk.Idon’twantMomandJeffhearingme.Andthisguyislookingforafakefiancée.Itworksoutgreat.
Kelsey:WHAT?Lottie,areyouhearingyourselfrightnow?Doyoureallythinkthisissafe?Youfoundarandommanonasidewalkandhejustsohappenstobelookingforafakefiancée?Doyounotseehow…coincidentalthatis?
Lottie:Lucky,right?
Kelsey:OhmyGod…you’regoingtobemurdered.
Lottie:Noway.ThedudeismeetingmeatChipotle.He’snotgoingtomurdermeataplacewhereyouhavetopayextraforguac.
Kelsey:Whatdoesguachavetodowithanyofthis?
Lottie:Nothing,butIwantittobeknownthatIbelievechargingextraforguacisoutrageous.Anyway,Ihavetogetgoing.I’mwalkingthereandIdon’twanttoshowupasasweatymess,Iwanttotakemytime.I’lltextyouwhenI’mdone.
Kelsey:Lottie!Iknowyou’redesperate,butthisisnotbetterthantellingMomandJeff.Suckupyourprideandjusttellthem.Meetingarandomstrangerforfoodisn’tthewaytogo.
Lottie:Peoplemeetupwithstrangersallthetimetosharefood.That’swhatdatingisallabout.
Kelsey:You’renotdatinghim!
Lottie:Notyet.Textyoulater,sis.Loveyou.
***
Yeah,thisisstupid.
I’lladmitit.
Kelseyhaseveryreasontofret,becausethissituationscreamsbaddecisions,butIliketothinkI’magoodjudgeofcharacter,andthisguywasn’tgivingmemurdervibes.Instead,hiseyesreflectedthesamedesperationasmine.Heneedsme,justlikeIneedhim.Andthatrightthereisexactlywhatoneneedsinordertofollowthroughwithsuchafarce—mutualneediness.
Now,mymotherdidn’traiseafool,andofcourseI’llplayhardtoget,because,yes,gettingoutofJeffandMom’shouseistheendgoalhere,aswellasfindinganewjobandbringingahotpieceofasstothereunion,butI’malsogoingtoseewhatthisguyhastosay.I’mgoingtofeelhimout,andiftheofferorstoryisn’tgoodenough,seeya,buddy.
I’mallaboutsavingface,butnotinexchangeformysoul.
IroundthecornerandfindtheChipotleacrossthestreet.Mystomachgrowlsjustfromthesightofthecrispwhitebuildingandburntredpepperlogo.Ifanything,thiswillbeafreemeal.Burritobowl,hereIcome.
OnceIgothome,Iquicklyshowered,tossedmyhairintoatightbun,andthenputonapairofjeanshortsandasimpleAerosmithT-shirt.IpairedthatwithsomebraceletsandmyfavoritepairofcomfortableBirkenstocks—foundthemattheThriftyShopper,whicharoundherehasrichpeople’susedclothingforsupercheap—andIheadedout.
IchargedmyphonejustlongenoughtobeabletomakeaphonecallifIneedaquickoutorifIwasabducted.NowthatI’mcrossingthestreet,almosthere,asmallboutofnervesisinthepitofmystomach.
Forthemostpart,Ihavestrongbravado,buttherearetimeswhenthatbravadofaltersandmyvulnerabilitycomesout.I’mexperiencingflashesofthatrightnow.
WhenImakeittotheothersideoftheroad,Itakeadeepbreathandheadintotherestaurant,andIspotHuxleyimmediately.It’shardnotto.
I’lladmit,themanisextremelyattractive.Atallman,hemustbeatleastsixfoottwo,hisskinhasagoldentantoit,hishairisabeautifulchestnutbrown—yes,Isaidbeautiful—andhehasthosedark,penetratingeyesthatseemliketheycouldcutanyhumaninhalf,intheboardroomoronthestreets.Currently,he’sstaringdownathisphone,onelegpressedupagainstthewallhe’sleaningonto,andhe’swearingdarkgreychinoshortsandalightbluebutton-downshirtthathugshiminalltherightplaces.Hissleevesarerolleduptohiselbowsand—hello,manchest—thetoptwobuttonsofhisshirtareundone,showingoffalittlemancleavage.Nottoomuchtobedouchey,butjustenoughtopiquemyinterest.NotthatI’mheretoactuallyseehimasapotentialdate,butthehotfactorneedstobeconsideredforthis…transaction.And…
He’sincrediblygood-looking.
HewouldmakeAngeladrool,forsure.
Hiseyesliftfromhisphonebriefly,andwhentheyspotme,Ifeelthemdangerouslyrakeovermyframe,takingmein,everylastinchofme.Whentheyfinallymeetmyeyes,hepushesawayfromthewallandwalksuptomewhilestuffinghisphoneinhispocket.
“You’rehere,”hesays.
“WorriedIwasgoingtostandyouup?”
“Alittle,”headmits,butthatconfidenceheexudesdoesn’tfalter,asifhehadaboutofworry,butknewIwasgoingtocomeallalong.Henodstowardthecounter.“Wanttoorderandthengetdowntobusiness?”
“Thatwouldbeidealformystomach.”
Wegetinline,andheletsmegofirst—pointforhimbeinggentlemanly—andIordermytypicalburritobowlwithchicken,blackbeans,andfajitaveggies.Andsinceloverboyispaying,Ihavethempiletheguacon.Huxleysweepsinbehindmewithasteakburrito,pintobeans,noriceandtonsoflettuceandsalsa.Noguac.Doeshenotlikeguacorishenotwillingtopaytheextramoney?Aquestionfortheages.
Whenwegettotheregister,hegrabsabeerforbothofus,aswellaschipsandsalsa,andthenpays.WhenIseehimpullouthisAmexBlackCardtoswipeit,myanxietyoverhimclaiminghe’srichnolongerexists.Uh,yeah…themanwasn’tlyingaboutbeingrich.Goodtoknow.
Withfoodanddrinksinhand,Huxleyfindsahigh-toptablenearthewindowthatoffersusenoughprivacyfromtherestoftherestaurantthatIfeelcomfortableenoughtohavethetypeofconversationwe’reabouttohave.
Oncewe’reseated,Isay,“Fromthelackofguaconyourburrito,I’mgoingtoassumeyoudon’tlikeitverymuch.”
Heshakeshishead.“Tooslimy.Can’thandlethetextureofit.”
“AreyouaCalifornianative?”
Henods.“Yup,borninSantaMonica.”
“Fascinating,”Isay,givinghimasmoothonce-over.“Idon’tthinkI’veeverfoundanativeCalifornianwhodoesn’tlikeguacamole.”
“I’mananomaly.MybrothersthinkI’mweird,soyou’renotaloneintheopinionyouprobablyhaveaboutme.”
“Idon’tthinkyou’reweird,just…interesting.Youalsodidn’tgetrice.”
“Notabigricefan.”Heglancesatmewhileheunwrapshisburrito.“Caretoanalyzeanythingelseaboutmyorder?”
“Yougotbeerinsteadofasoda.You’reeitherextremelynervousoryou’rethetypeofpersonwhohasnoshameinorderinganalcoholicbeverageataquick-serverestaurant.”
“Idon’tknowwhatitfeelsliketobenervous,”hesaysinsuchastraight,monotonevoicethatIactuallybelievehim.I’mnotsureheknowsthatemotionbasedonthatquickandabruptanswer.“Ialsodon’tcarryaroundshame.It’sawasteofmymentalenergy.”
Ipickupmyforkandmoveitaroundmyburritobowlashetakeshisfirstbite.“Ahh,Iseehowyouare.”
Hefinisheschewingandswallows,followingupwithaswipeofhisnapkinacrosshismouthbeforeheasks,“Oh,youdo?Please,educatemeonmyself.”
“You’reoneofthosepowermen.”
“Powermen?”heasks,browraised.
“Youknow,theonesyoureadabout,thesuccessfulonesthathaveacrazyregimen.Theyreadaself-helpbookaweek,workouteveryday,arebrutalintheboardroom,anddrinksomuchwaterthattheirbladderdoesn’tknowwhatyellowpeeis.”
Hisburritoishalfwaytohismouthashesays,“Takesmeaweekandahalftogetthroughaself-helpbookwhenanewseasonofTheChallengecomesout.”
Thenhetakesabiteofhisburrito,andhonestly,fromthelackoffacialexpressions,Ican’ttellifhe’sbeingseriousornot.Mightaswelltesthisknowledge.
“YouwatchTheChallenge?”
Henodsslowly.“CTforlife.”
Okay,okay,don’tfreakout.
Gah…butCT!
“He’smydreamman,”IsaybeforeIcanstopmyself.“HeavyBostonaccent,troubledpast,buff—eveninhisdad-bodera—andjustafinepieceofass.Lovehimsomuch.Isthatwhyyoulikehim?”
Hewipeshismouth,andinadrytone,hesays,“Yes.Can’tgetenoughofthattightassofhis.”
Lookatthat,wehaveafunnymaninourmidst.Ilikethat.Makesmefeelcomfortable.
“Iknewyouwereanassman.”
“Howdoyoufigure?”
“Youjusthavethattypeofintenseglareinyoureyes.Screamsassman.”
“Wasn’tawareyoucouldtellbysomeone’sglarethatthey’reanassman,”hesayswhileliftinghisbeertohislips.
“Easily.”
“Funny.”Heswallowssomemorebeer,setsitdown,andsays,“Becauseassesaresexyandall,butI’mallabouttheneck.”
“Theneck?”Iask,myloadedforkhalfwaytomymouth.“You,uh,youliketochokepeople?”
“No,butthere’ssomethingsosexy,sopossessive,aboutbeingabletoholdyourgirlatthenapeofherneck.”
“Possessive,arewe?”Iask,tryingtofeelthismanout.
“Iprefertoclaimwhat’smine.”
“Interesting.Ifthat’sthecase,whyareyoulookingforafakefiancée?Claimingwhat’syoursseemslikeanintensereaction,somethingyouwouldn’ttakelightly.”
“Idon’ttakeitlightly.It’swhyIhaven’tbeenabletofindtherightperson,becauseItakemydatinglife,orlackthereof,seriously.I’mnotgoingtowastemytimeonsomeoneifIdon’tfeelaninnatedemandinmybodytoclaimthem.”
“Iguessthatmakessense.”Istudyhim.“So,then,whythefakefiancée?ItoldyouIneedsomeonetopretendtobemyboyfriendforareunion.What’syourreasoning?”
“We’llgettothat,”hesays.“Iwanttoknowmoreaboutyoufirst.IneedtobecomfortablewithyoubeforeItellyouwhatIneed.”
“Okay,aslongasIcanaskyouquestions,too.”
“Aquestionforaquestion.Thatworkforyou?”
Easytocompromise—I’msurprised.Hedoesn’tnecessarilygiveoffthatvibe,especiallywithallthepossessivetalk.I’mjustgoingtomakeitknown,thatdetailabouthimisatotalturn-on.NotthatI’mlookingtoactuallydatethisguyoranything.
“Thatworksforme.Youaskfirst.”
“Whatdoyoudo?”Hetakesalargebiteofhisburrito,andforbeingamanof“class,”he’sreallymunchingdownonthatburrito.
“Currentlyinbetweenjobs—”
“So,unemployed,”hecutsin,andIgrowdefensive.
“Notbymychoice.”
“So,youwerefired?”Heliftshisbrowinquestion.
Ipuffupmychest.“Asamatteroffact,Iwasfired,andnotbecauseIwasn’tdoingmyjob,butbecausemyidiotbossbelievesshecangetsomeoneelsetodomyjobforlesspay.”Withasinistersmile,Isay,“Ihopeherbusinessburnsupinflames.”
Heletsoutalowchuckle.“Seemslikepoormanagementtome.”
“Youcouldsaythat.Mybosswasoneofmybestfriendsgrowingup.Avolatilefriendship,verytoxic.Icouldloveherandhateherallinthespanofoneminute.Shetoldmemyfiringwasn’tpersonal,andthenthenextday,sheaskedifI’dhelpherwithourhighschoolreunionshe’splanning,youknow,nowthatIhavetimeonmyhands.”
Hewinces.“Brutal.”
“Yes.So,she’sSatan’sdaughter.”
“Seemslikeshedidyouafavor.”
Ishakemyhead.“Shescrewedmeover.”Ismile.“Butwecantalkaboutthatlater.Myturntoaskaquestion.Whatdoyoudo?”
“Realestate,”heanswerssimply.
“That’sit?That’sallyou’regoingtosay?”
Hesipsfromhisbeerandthensays,“Sorry,don’thaveatragicstorytotellyouaboutlosingmyjob.”
“Areyoumockingme?”
Helevelswithme,hiseyesconnectingdirectlywithmine.“I’mtryingtogetyoutoagreetobemyfakefiancée.DoyoureallythinkI’dmockyou?”
“Iguessnot.”
“Nextquestion.Areyouattachedtoanyoneromanticallyinanyway?”heasks.
“IfIwere,Iwouldn’tbetryingtofindsomeonetotaketothereunion,nowwouldI?”ItakeanotherbiteofmyburritobowlandwishIwasn’ttryingtobealldaintyaroundthisguy,becausethechickenisonfiretodayandIwanttoshovelitinmymouth.
“Sothat’sano.Ineedtohearyousayit.”
Whataformalfuck.“That’sano.I’mnotromanticallyinvolvedwithanyone.”ImotiontomybodyandsayinthevoiceoftheoldladyfromTitanic,“It’sbeeneighty-fouryearssincethesebreastshavebeentouched.”
Hesmirksandnods.“Good.”
“Whataboutyou?”Iask.“Seemslikeastupidquestionsinceyou’relookingforafakefiancée,butwhoknows.Maybeyougotyourselfinvolvedinsomesortofdrugdealgonesidewaysandyouneedafakefiancéetogetyououtofthesituationinsteadofthrowingyourwifetothewolves,soyoufindaninnocentwalkerintheneighborhoodtouseasadecoy.Lureherinwithpromisesofextraguacandgood-smellingcologne.”
Seemingamused,hewipeshismouthandleansbackinhischairbeforetossinghisnapkinonthetable.“Ifearwhatelseisgoingoninthatheadofyours.”
“Trustme,it’saplaceyoudon’twanttogetlostin.”Igrinandthenshovesomemorechickeninmymouth.SweetChipotlegods,yououtdidyourselftoday.Chef’skiss.
“Apparently.Andtoansweryourquestion,no,I’mnotromanticallyinvolvedwithanyone.Don’thavetime.”
“Ooo,workaholic,huh?Amanwho’smarriedtohiswork,alwaysacatchforasinglelady.”
“Haven’tfoundanyonetotakemeawayfrommywork.”Hefinishesuphisburrito,andifthisguyweremybrorightnow,I’dofferupahighfivefortheannihilationofhismeal.Colormeimpressed.
“So,you’resayingifyoufoundtherightwoman…orman—”
“Woman,”hesays,sippinghisbeer.
“Justdouble-checking.Canneverbetoosure.Ifyoufoundtherightwoman,youwouldcomehomeearly?”
“IfIfoundtherightwoman,I’dbefarmoreinterestedinfuckingheragainsteverysurfaceofmyhouseratherthanansweringmonotonousemailsorbuyingabusinesspartneradrink.”
Well…okay.
That’s…well,that’sinformation.
“So,youlikefucking.That’sgoodtoknow,”Isayawkwardlywhilenodding.
“Doyounotenjoyfucking?”heasks,andIdon’tthinkI’veevermetsomeonelikehim.Bold,brash,domineering,butalsoequippedwithaplayfulsideifyoucanpullitoutofhim.
“Well,youknow…sinceit’sbeeneighty-fouryears,Ican’tquitedrawupanyexperiencesthatwouldremindmewhatapleasurableeventfuckingis.”
Heslowlynodsbutdoesn’tsayanythingafterthat.Instead,hestudiesme,andunderthatstronggaze,Ifeelnaked,asifhe’sstrippingmedowntonothingwitheverybreathItake.
GoodGod.
“So,isitmyturnforaquestion?Ikindoflosttrack,”Isay.
“Sure.Askaway.”
Inod,butmymindgoesblank,becauseallIcanthinkaboutisthewayhe’sstaringatmewiththosetake-no-prisoners’eyes.They’recontrolling,almostamindfuck.Steadfast,unwavering,hespeakstruthwithhisgaze,hedestroyswithhisglare.Thefaintdustingofdarkscruffonhisjawmakeshimexponentiallymoreintimidating,andthewayhehasonehandcasuallydrapedonthetable,almostasifhe’sclaimingthisspace,throwsmeoff,andIcan’tthinkofadamnthingtoaskhim.
“Whydon’tyouaskaquestion?”Iask,rightbeforeIshoveahugeforkfuloffoodintomymouth.
“Areyoucomfortablearoundme?”
Wasn’texpectingthatquestion,eventhoughIshouldhave,sinceheseemstosaywhat’sonhismind.There’snoskirtingthetruthwithhim.
Ifinishchewing,swallow,andthensay,“IknowIshouldn’tfeelcomfortablearoundyou.You’reeverythingmymotherhaswarnedmeabout.Alphaworkaholicwhoseemstogeteverythinghewants.Dominant,holdsnothingback,intimidating.Youdon’tscreamfamilyman,nordoyouhave‘attentiveboyfriend’writtenacrossyourforehead,butthere’salsothisairaboutyouthatmakesyouseemtrustworthy,andI’mnotsureifthat’scomfortingorterrifying.”
“I’lltakethatasayes.”Heleansforwardacrossthetableandeatsachipforthefirsttime.Neitherofushavetouchedthem,tooengrossedinourconversation.“I’mgoingtoneedyoutofeelcomfortablewithme,Lottie.I’mgoingtoneedyourtrust.”
“Yourealizetrustisearned,right?”Iask.
Henods.“Yeah,butI’mgoingtoneedyoutobeopentoit.Myintentionsarepure,althoughaskew,butthey’repure.Goingintothismeeting,IknewIwasgoingtobeaskingalot,butIneedtomakesureyou’reopentoitfirst,beforeIlayitalloutonthetable.”
Huh.
NowI’mreallyintrigued.Imean,Iwasintriguedbefore—andofcourseafreemeal—buthealmostseemstobeshowingaslighthintofvulnerability,somethingI’mnotsureamanlikeHuxleyshowsveryoften.
“Areyouopentoit,Lottie?”
Isetmyforkdownandpatmymouthwithmynapkin.“I’munemployed,Ilivewithmymom,andIhavenothinggoingformeatthemoment.PrettysureI’mopentowhatevercomesmyway.”
Henodsandthenleansevenfartherforward.“Ifuckedupbigtime,andnowI’mtryingtocovermyass.”
“Ooo,amanwhoknowswhenhe’swrong.Bestillmyheart.”
Hedoesn’tsmirk,buthegrowsmoreserious.“Thisfuckupcouldcostmemyreputation,andnotonlymyreputation,butmybrothers’aswell,andeverythingwe’vebuilttogether.”
“Whatdidyoudo?”Iask,leaningforwardtoo.Goingintothisdinner,Ididn’tthinkIwasgoingtogobbleupsomegossip,butI’mhereforit.
“ShortstoryisIwastryingtolandadeal.TheguywhoIwastryingtoworkwithwasn’tbiting,andmybrotherssaidit’sbecausehecouldn’tconnectwithmeonapersonallevel.Iranintohimonthestreetafterthemeeting.Imethisfiancée,andbeforeIknewit,IwastellinghimIwasengagedaswell.”
Iwince.“Yourmouthspokebeforeyourbraincouldthink.”
“Yeah,youcouldsaythat.Anyway,heinvitedmeandmyfiancéetodinner,andit’sthefirstinI’vehadwiththisguy.Theproblemis,thedinnerisSaturday.”
“Well,thatreallyputsyouinaspot,doesn’tit?”
“Youcouldsaythat.”Hiseyesboreintomine.“That’swhereyoucomein.”
“Youwantmetogotothisdinnerwithyou,andpretendtobeyourfiancée?”
“Yes,butIalsoneedyoutoplayoutthefarceuntilthedealisdone.”
“Howlongwillittakeforthedealtogothrough?”
Heshrugs.“Couldtakeaweek,couldtakelonger.”
Islowlynod,thinkingthisover.“Whatwouldthefarceentail?AmIgoingtoberequiredtoplayJuliaRobertsforyou?”
“JuliaRoberts?”heasks,confused.
“Youknow.PrettyWoman.RichardGerehiresJuliaRobertstobeathisbeckandcallforallofhisimportantbusinessmeetings.Haveyouneverseenthemovie?”
Heshakeshishead.“No.”
“Well,basicallyshemovesintohishotelwithhimandshowsupwhereverheneedsher.”
“Youwouldn’tneedtomoveinwithme,”hesays.
Damn,theregoesgettingoutofMomandJeff’shouse.NotthatI’dactuallymoveinwithacompletestranger.I’mnotthatinsane.
“ButI’dneedyoutobeavailablewhenIneedyou.”
“Isee.”Icrossmyarmsovermychest.“AndyouthinkIcouldjustdothatgivenhowI’venojob?”
“Ihaveconnections.Icouldgetyouajob.”
Iholdupmyhandtostophimrightthere.“Idon’tneedyourcharityjob.I’dprefertoearnmyowncareer.”
“Icanrespectthat.”Hisjawtightens.“IfIcan’thookyouupwithajob,whatcanIgiveyouinreturn?Thiswouldbeabusinesstransaction,afterall.”
Shelterwouldbepreferred.
Moneytopayoffmystudentloanswouldbeamazing,butI’dneveraskthat.
Thereunionistheonlythinghecanreallyofferme,butisthatenough?Thatdoesn’treallysolvemuch.Justgivesmeasuperficialupperhand.Itdoesn’tsolvemymoneyproblemortheneedtomoveoutofMom’shouse.
Honestly,whatwasIthinking,lookingforarichhusband?Whatwastheendgoal?
ThemoreIthinkaboutit,themoreIrealizetherewasnoendgoal.Thiswas…hell,thiswasadistraction.
“I’mnotsure,”Isay.
“Icangotoyourreunion,actasthoughwe’reinlove,whateveryouneed.”Desperationslipsintohisvoice.
“I’mnotevensureI’mgoingtothat,”Isay.“Youknow,I’mnotsurethisisreallyforme.IhavestudentloansIhavetopayoff,soIdon’tthinkIcanbeatsomeone’sbeckandcallwhenIshouldbefindingajob.”Ileanbackinmychairandstaredownatthetable.“Jesus,whatwasIeventhinking,comingtothismeeting?Ajob,that’swhatIneedtobedoing,findingajob,notworryingaboutwhatIlooklikeatastupidhighschoolreunion.”IlookatHuxley,whosebrowispinchedtogetherinconsternation.“Thiswasamistake.I’msorry.”
Istandfromthetable,andHuxleysays,“Wait.Wecancomeupwithsomethingthatbenefitsbothofus.”
Ishakemyhead.Ultimately,thisisanothersituationwherearichpersongetswhattheywantbyusingapoorperson.EventhoughI’mcurrentlylyingtomymomandJeff,Ihatelying.Youhavetheintellecttobemore,tofindajobthatutilizesyourskills.“Iknowthisisgoingtosoundprideful,butI’mnotsureIshouldbetakinghandoutsrightnow.IneedtofigureoutwhatI’mdoingwithmylife.”Ilookatthebagofchipsandsnagthemfromthetable.“ButI’mnottooproudtotakefreefood.”Ipatthebag.“Thanksfortheseandthanksforyourtime.Goodday,sir.”
AndthenIturnonmyheelandtakeoff.IlastonlyuntilIreachthecrosswalkbeforeIdipmyhandinsidethebagandpopachipintomymouth.Limesaltismyonlycomfortrightnow.
***
Lottie:I’malive.
Kelsey:Well,thankJesus.DoIdareask,areyouengaged?
Lottie:No.Itwastempting,butIreallyneedtofocusonmycareer.That’swhat’sgoingtomovemealongfromthisnightmare,notsomestupidfakefiancéebullshit.
Kelsey:Youknow…maybeitwouldn’tbesobad.
Lottie:You’veGOTtobekiddingme.Haveyoulostyourmind?
Kelsey:Iwasthinkingwhileyouwereeatingdinner—maybeyoucoulddothisfakefiancéethingandworkformeatthesametime.I’msoclosetoexpanding,Icouldreallyuseyourhelponthebusinessside.I’dbeabletopayyousoon,andyoucouldlivewithmeforafewweeks.Wecouldmakeitwork.Andhecouldhelpyou.
Lottie:You’velostit.It’sokay,sweetie.Getagoodnight’srestandthencallmeinthemorning.Iloveyou.
Kelsey:I’mserious.
Lottie:Nightnight.
***
“Hey,honey,howwaswork?”Momasksfromthekitchen,whereshe’spreparingdinner.
PretendingtobewhuppedfromatoughdayofdealingwithAngela,Isay,“Sameold,sameold.”
“Stillnonewsonthepromotion?”
Iswallowhard.“Nonews.”Itakeaseatattheislandinthekitchenandwatchmymomstirthepotofspaghettisaucesheclaimsishomemade,thoughIknowisn’t.Shesayssheaddsherownspices,whichmakesithomemade,buttheemptyPregojarsnexttothesinksuggestotherwise.
“Well,I’msureit’scomingsoon.Whatabouttheapartmenthunting?How’sthatgoing?”
Yup,Igetit,Mom.Youwantmeout.
“FoundacuteplacenearKelsey.Thinkingaboutit.”Thelieslipspastmylipsflawlessly.
“Oh,thatwouldbewonderful,youtwolivingclosetoeachother.”
“Yeah,”ImutterasJeffcomesthroughthefrontdoorfromwherehe’donceagainbeentendingtothelandscapinginthefrontyard.
“Lottie,caretoexplainthese?”heasks,holdingalargebouquetofredroses
Whattheactualhell?
“Arethoseforme?”Iask.
Henods.“Yes,theyhaveyournameonthem.”
“Oh,maybeit’sAngelapromotingyou.”
Jesus,one-trackmind,anyone?
Ihopoffmystool,takethebouquetfromJeff,andsetitonthetable.Iremovethetinywhiteenvelopefromtheholderandtakeoutthecard.Writteninverymanlyhandwriting—slanted,almostillegible—itsays“Pleasereconsider.H”andthenthere’saphonenumberbeneathit.
HowonearthdidheknowwhereIlive?
Iknowrichpeoplehaveaccesstothingsuspeasantsdon’t,butthemandoesn’tevenknowmylastname,norenoughinformationaboutmetoputtogetherwhoIam.
“Whoaretheyfrom?”Momasks,comingupbehindme.
Iclutchtheenvelopetomychest.“Noone,”Isayquickly,andthenIgrabtheflowersandruntomyroom.Ishutthedoorand,onceagain,slidetotheground,flowersinhand.
Whattheactualhell?ChapterFive
HUXLEY
“DaveToneyisonthephone,”Karlasaysassheknocksonthedoorframeofmyofficedoor.
“Sendhimthrough,”IsaybeforeturningtoJP.“CanIgetsomeprivacy,man?”
Heshakeshishead.“I’dratherbehereforthisconversation.”Whenhedoesn’tattempttomove,Irealizehe’snotkidding.
Rollingmyeyes,Ipickupmyphone.“Dave,goodtohearfromyou,”Ianswerinacasualvoice.“Howareyou?”
“Doinggreat.IwasspeakingwithEllielastnightandshewasadamantIfindoutifyourfiancéehasanyallergiesoraversionstofood.EversinceElliegotpregnant,shecan’tevenbeinthesameroomasFrenchfries.Theyabsolutelyrepulseher.Butpotatochipsarefine.Idon’tgetit,butIgowithit.”
Greatquestion.
Reallygreatfuckingquestion.
Well,ifthiswereanalternaterealityandIreallywasengagedtoapregnantwoman,I’dassumeshe’dhavesomesortofpregnancycraving,aswellassomethingshecouldn’tpossiblybearound,butbecauseIdon’thaveapregnantfiancée,Idon’thaveananswerforhim.
ButI’mstillcountingonLottie,eventhoughI’veyettohearfromher.Iknowtheflowersweredelivered,Iaskedforadeliveryreceipt,soIshould’veheardsomethingfromher.Atleast,that’sthenarcissisticsideofmetalking.AndI’mgoingtokeepholdingout,becauseIcouldseeshewasinterested.Sheneedsthehelp.Ijustneedtofindtherightwaytopursueher.I’malsonotopposedtoplayingdirtytogetwhatIwant.That’sobviousfromthisentirepredicamentI’min.
So,insteadofansweringaboutallergies,I’mgoingtoansweraboutcravings,becauseifIcannudgethemtowardsomethingIknowshe’lleat,thenthatwillguaranteeIdon’tmakehereatsomethingshemighthaveanallergicreactionto.
“NoallergiesthatI’mawareof—thankGodfornoallergicreactionsduringthetimewe’vebeentogether,amIright?”
Davelaughs.“Talkaboutruiningadate.”
It’ssickeninghowjovialthemansounds.Howrelaxed.It’sasifhe’sbeenwalkingaround,doingbusinesswithastickuphisass,andthenIcomearoundwithapregnantfiancée,andhe’sMr.Dadnow,happy-go-lucky,wearinghisNewBalance409sandlivinghisbestlife.
“Yeah,wehaven’thadthathappen.Thankfully.ButIdoknowthatshe’scravingburritobowlsrightnow.IjusthadtogetheronefromChipotleyesterday.”Notalie,thetruth.Andsheshoveledthatthingintohermouth.
“That’scrazy.ElliehasbeencravingChipotlelately.Wehaditlastnight.I’mwonderingifweshouldjustgetthatfordinner.IknowElliespokeofmakingasouthernmeal,butshe’sbeenexhaustedlatelyandthismightbeaneasyoutforher.DoyouknowwhatyourgirllikesfromChipotle?”
ThatIdo.
IsmileandforthefirsttimesinceIpickedupthephone,IrememberJPissittingacrossfromme.Hisarmsarecrossed,onelegcrossedovertheother,andhehasahugesmileonhisface,enjoyingmesquirmwaytoomuch.
“Yes,Idoknowwhatshelikes,”Isaywhileturningmybacktowardhim.“Shelikestheburritobowl.”JPsnickersbehindme.Hecanfuckoff.“Chicken,blackbeans,lettuce,andshelikestopileontheguac.She’salwaysworriedbecauseitcostsextra,butyouknow”—Iswallowhard—“whatmybabywants,mybabygets.”
JPsnorts.
Red-hotembarrassmentcreepsupthebackofmyneck.I’mgoingtogetsomuchshitforthis.
“Perfect,”Davesays.Hedragsitout,asifhe’swritingitdown.“Andwhataboutyou?”
Thisiswhatmylifehasbecome,megivinganothermanmyChipotleorder,butnotjustanyman,themanIwanttodobusinesswith.We’vesuccumbedtonolongertalkingbusinessorbeingsharksintheoffice,nope,we’rehandingoutChipotleorders.
Igivehimmyorder,andthenheasks,“Doyouguyslikethechips?”
“Lovethem,”Isay.Iwasactuallybankingontakingthosechipshomelastnightandeatingthemaloneinmyroomwhilestaringoutatmypool,contemplatinglife.ButLottiesnaggedthemasapartinggiftbeforeIcouldstopher.Ishould’vebeenannoyed,butitactuallyamusedme.Can’tsayawomanhasdonethatsortofchipdashtomebefore.
“Great,I’llbesuretohaveabunch,then.Ellieiscravingsaltrightnow,soIknowthosewillberightupheralley.Andareyousureyou’reokaywiththisdinner?Elliewillprobablybehorrifiedthatwe’reorderingfastfoodtoservetoourguests,butIalsoknowhowpregnantwomenare.”
“Trustme,Lottiewillbethrilled.”
“Lottie,Ilikethatname,”Davesays.“That’sthefirsttimeyou’vesaidit.IsitshortforCharlotte?”
“Leiselotte,actually.”IcanfeelJP’sburninggazeonme,hisbrainfillingupwithamillionquestions.
“Beautiful,”Davesays.“Ican’twaittomeether.DoessixonSaturdaywork?”
No.
Itdoesn’tworkatall.ItactuallywouldbehelpfulifIhadtimetofindsomeoneslightlymorestablethanthegirlI’mtryingtochaseafterrightnow,butIcan’taffordthatkindoftime.IneedtomakeanimpressionsoonerratherthanlatersoIcanscorethatgodforsakendeal.
“Thatworksgreat.We’llseeyouthen.”
“Perfect.”
Ispinaroundinmychairandcasuallyhangupmyphone,ignoringJPaltogether.Imovemymouseonmydesk,wakeupmycomputer,andgostraighttomyinbox,whereIfeelthemostcomfortable.
JPdoesn’tsayanything.Hejuststaresatme.Afewminutespass,andmynervescreepandcrawlhigherandhigheruntilIbreak.“What?”Iaskhim.
“Nothing.Ididn’tsayanything.”
Iturntowardhisannoyinglylargegrin.“Youdidn’thavetosayanything.It’sallinyoureyes,inyourstare.”
“Justfascinated,isall.Becausenotonlyhaveyouliedaboutthiswholepregnantfiancéething,butnowyou’vedugyourselfanevenbiggerholebyhandingDaveaname,butnotjustaname,herwholename.AndyouofferedhimaChipotleorder.Ballsyman,reallyfuckingballsy,especiallysincethegirldidn’tsayyes.”
“Shewill,”Isay.
“Yeah,yousureaboutthat?”
“Positive.Iknowherweakness,andifIhavetouseit,Iwill.”
“Perfectwaytogetsomeonetodosomethingforyou.Threats.”JPclaps.“Youreallyaresomethingelse,Hux.”Hestandsfromhischair.“Ithinkthesmartthingwould’vebeentotellhimyoulied.”Hebuttonshissuitjacket.“Ijustprayyoudon’tfuckthisentirethingup.Weworkeddamnhardputtingthisenterprisetogether.”
“YouthinkIdon’tknowthat?”Iask.“It’swhyI’mgoingtodoeverythingittakestosaveourasses,tomakethisright.”
“Youbetter,”JPsays.“AndLottie,shebetterbeatthatdinnerwithyoubecauseIdoubtpretendingshewassickwillbeaccepted.You’rejustgoingtohavetodothenightalloveragain.”
He’sright,thatwasanoption,butIknowDaveenoughtounderstandhisneedtomakeanimpression.Hewantstomeetmyfiancée,andhe’sgoingtokeepaskinguntilhedoes.
“Goodluck,bro,you’regoingtoneedit.”JPwalksoutofmyoffice,andIleanbackinmychair,lettingoutsomepent-upfrustration.
“Fuck,”Imutter.
Istaredownatmydeskandcontemplatemynextmove.Clearlytheflowersdidn’twork,whichonlymeansI’mgoingtohavetoplaydirty.
She’llhateme,butthat’sfine.AslongasIcangethertocometodinnerandnotmakeafooloutofme,that’sallIcareabout.
***
Thisisreallyfuckingdumb,andanypersonwatchingmedowhatI’mabouttodowouldagree.ButdesperationisatmydoorandI’mfuckinganswering.
Chocolatesinhand—becausehonestly,Idon’tknowwhatwomenlikeandI’veneverdonethisbefore—IwalkupthesmallpaththatleadstoLottie’sfrontdoor.Shelivesinasmallbungalowwithanimpeccableyard,rightaroundthecornerfromTheFlats.Thehousemustbeworthafortunenow,especiallyonsuchaniceparcel,rightnexttoawealthyneighborhood.
Iknockonthedoorandholdmybreath.
“Igotit,Mom,”IhearLottiecalloutrightbeforesheopensthedoor.
She’swearingapairofcottonshortsandaRollingStonesT-shirt.Herhairisup,pulledawayfromherface,andhereyesarewidewithsurprise.
“Hey,babe,”Isaywithadevilishsmile.“I’vemissedyou.”
Throughclenchedteeth,sheasks,“Whatthehellareyoudoinghere?”
“Don’tyouwanttoinvitemein?”
“No…Idon’t,”shesaysinasnippytone.LooksasifIhavemyworkcutoutforme.
“Lottie,whoisit?”afemalevoiceasksfrominsidethehouse.
“Noone,”Lottiecallsout.Icansenseshe’sabouttoslamthedoorinmyface,soItakeastepforwardandstandinthedoorway,cuttingherofffromanabruptdepartureonmyend.
“Noone?Isthathowyoutreatyourfiancé?”Iask.“IthoughtImeantmoretoyouthanthat?”
“You’reinsane,”shewhispers.“HowdoyouevenknowwhereIlive?Didyoustalkme?Doyouhavesomeonefollowingmearound,watchingmyeverymove?Richpeoplecandothingslikethat.Iknowthekindofpoweryouhave.”
Tryingtoholdbackmysmile,Isay,“YoutypedyouraddressintomyGoogleMaps.Itwasinthepreviousaddressessection.”
“Oh.”Sheslowlynods.“Yeah,thatchecksout.”
Jesus.
“Lottie,dessertis…ready.Well,hello.”FromthevastresemblancebetweenLottieandthewomannexttoher,I’mgoingtoassumethisisLottie’smom.“Andwhomightthisbe?”
BeforeLottiecansayanything,Iholdoutmyhandandsay,“Huxley,ma’am.Lottie’sboyfriend.”
“Boyfriend?”hermomshoutsinsurpriseandturnstoherdaughter.“Sincewhenhaveyouhadaboyfriend?”
“Threemonths,”Iansweronceagain.“We’vekeptitreallyquiet.Wewantedtogettoknoweachotherbeforeweannouncedanythingpublicly.Especiallysincemyjobishighprofile.”
“Wow,I’mshocked.Ididn’tevenknowLottiewasdatinganyone,butwhatwonderfulnews.”Sheholdsoutherhandandsays,“I’mMaura.”
Itakeherhandandgiveitasoftshake.“Huxley.It’sverynicetomeetyou.”
“Huxley,oh,whatawonderfulname.Pleasecomein.Dessertisready,andI’dloveforyoutojoinus.”
Ihandherthechocolates.“MaybeIcanaddtothedesserttablewiththese,”Isay,butbeforeMauracantakethem,Lottiesnagsthemfrommyhand.
Witharavenouslookinhereyes,shesays,“Thesearemine.”
Hermomchuckles.“Don’tgetbetweenLottieandhersweets.I’llgrabanotherplateforourguest.Comein,comein,Huxley.”
Idojustthat.IstepintotheirquaintbuthomeybungalowandremovemyblackTomFordshoesandthenmyblacksuitjacketaswell.Iundothebuttonsonthecuffofmylong-sleevedbutton-upandrollthesleevesuptomyelbowswhilestaringdownatLottie,who’sstaringupatme,hatredbeamingfromherpupils.
“Hey,babe,”Isayagain,thistimewithasmile.
“You’vecompletelylostyourmind,”shesaysquietly.“Whatdoyouthinkyou’redoing?”
“Playingdirty.Itriedtoplaynice,butyoudidn’twantto,sohereIamnow.Playingdirty.”
“WhatmakesyouthinkI’mgoingtoplayalong?”Sheliftsherchin.
“BecauseIknowyoudon’thaveajob…andyoudon’twantyourmomtoknow.”
Herfacegoeswhite,andinthismoment,Idofeelslightlybad.It’sobviousLottieisgoingthroughahardtime,andIwatchedherstrugglewithherconscienceinChipotleasshetriedtofigureoutwhattodo.Respectedthat.ButIdon’thavetimeforhertofigureitout,andhonestly,Idon’tfeelbadenoughtoendthefarce.EspeciallysinceI’mindeepershitthansheis.
“You’regoingtoblackmailme?”
“No,justusingtoolstohelpmegetwhatIwant,anddon’tactasifyoudon’tneedmetoo.”
“Idon’t.It’swhyIhaven’tcalled,youpsycho,”shesnaps.
Laughing,Isayalittlelouder,“Missedyoutoo,babe.”
“Whydon’tyoutwocomeinhere?”Mauracallsfromthekitchen.
Smiling,IreachdownandtakeLottie’shand.Sheattemptstosnatchitaway,butIhaveafirmenoughholdonherthatshedoesn’tgoanywhere.Leaningdowntowardherear,Iwhisper,“Iswear,I’llmakethisworthitforyou.”
WhenIpullaway,hersurprisedeyesmeetmineforabriefsecondbeforeIpullhertowardthekitchen,handinhand.
Hermomturnsandplacesaplateonthesmallfour-persontable.Thetableissituatedunderalargewindow,offeringanexpansiveviewoftheirwell-manicuredbackyard.Acanopyoftreesandanoldstuccowallofferthemprivacyfromtheclose-knitquartersoftheirneighbors.“JeffisworkinglatetonightsoLottieandIweretakingadvantageofsomeicecreamsundaes,sinceJeffislactoseintolerant.”
I’massumingJeffisherhusband.
“IbelieveLottiementionedthat,”Isay,playingalong.“NotsurewhatI’ddoifIwerelactoseintolerant.Ienjoyicecreamwaytoomuch.”
“Metoo,”Maurasays.“I’mgratefulmydigestivesystemcanhandleit.Please,takeaseat.”
IpulloutachairforLottiefirst.Imightnothavevastexperienceindatingawoman,butIdoknowfuckingmanners,andpullingoutaseatforyourgirlisasweetgesture.FromthelookonMaura’sface,I’mgoingtoassumesheagrees.WhenLottieissettled,Itakeaseataswellandpickupmyspoon.
“Wow,Ifeelspoiled,”Isay.“Thislooksamazing.”
“Igaveyoutheworks,justlikemeandLottie.Ihopeyou’renotallergictonuts,Ishould’veasked.”
“I’mallgood.”Ispinthebowlaround.“What’sinthis?”
“Vanillaicecream,hotfudge,choppedpeanuts,adashofcherryjuice,whippedcream,chocolatesprinkles,andcherries.”
“Looksamazing.Thankyou.”Idigmyspoonintothebowl,takealargehelping,andshoveitinmymouth.Damn,it’sreallygood.I’mnotsurethelasttimeIhadasundae,butI’vebeenmissingout.“Reallygood.”
Lottiejuststaresatme,asifshecan’tbelieveI’mhere,eatingicecreaminhermom’skitchen,actingasthoughnothingiswrong.
Actually,that’sexactlywhat’shappening.
IfonlyIcouldhearherthoughts.
Myguessis,she’djustbesaying,“I’mgoingtokillhim,”overandover.
“Lottie,areyounothungry?”hermomasks.
Ipressmyhandtoherthighandsay,“She’sprobablyinshock.I’mnotsureshewasreadytotellyouaboutme.Iassumednoonewashomewhenshewastextingme,soIfiguredI’dstopby.”Isqueezeherthigh.“Sorry,baby.Cat’soutofthebag.”
“Oh,honey,whatdoyouhavetoworryabout?”hermomasks.
WebothlookatLottie,wholookslikeadeerinheadlights.
“Myreputation,”Isay,coveringforher.“It’s,uh,notthebest,butnotbymydoing.I’mnotsureifyou’veheardofCaneEnterprises.”
Maura’sfacemorphsintoshock.“HuxleyCane?You’reHuxleyCane?”
IquicklyglanceatLottie,wholooksclueless.Interesting.
“Yes.AndeventhoughPageSixlikestoreportonwhatgirlIhaveonmyarmonenighttotheother,it’snottrue.Don’tbelieveanythingyoureadinthosethings.”ThankfullyIhaven’tbeenmentionedinawhile,becausethatwouldn’tworkoutwellformystorywithLottie.
“Oh,IneverbelieveanycelebritygossipunlessitcomesfromHodaKotbherself.”Maurawavesherhandindismissal.
Lottiefinallycomestolifeandsays,“Mom,youalwaysbelievewhattheysayinthosegossipmagazines.YoutoldmetheotherdaythatJenniferAnistonhadtripletsandsoldthemtoWillArnett.”
Mauralaughsnervously.“Itwasajoke.”Sheclearsherthroat.“Anyway,isthiswhyyou’vebeensoevasiveaboutmoving?”MauraasksLottie.“Becauseyou’rethinkingaboutmovinginwithHuxley?”
Ohshit…
“Whatwouldmakeyouthinkthat?”Lottieasksinannoyance.
“BecausewhenIlookedaroundforapartmentsnearKelsey,therewasnothingavailable.Itseemsasifyou’vebeenavoidingthewholeconversation,andIdon’tknow,findingoutyouhaveaboyfriendjustmakesmethinkthatyoumightbethinkingaboutmovinginwithhim.”Mauraturnstowardme.“Don’tgetmewrong,welovehavingLottiehere,butwe’vealsobeenexcitedaboutherpromotionsoshecouldfindherownplace,finally.”
Interesting.So,shedoesneedaplacetostay;that’snotwhatshesaidtheothernight.Andsinceshedidn’tgetapromotion,butwasfired,nottellinghermommakessense.IthinkIhaveLottierightwhereIwanther.
Mauraoffersmeaslygrin.“JeffandIreallywanttowalkaroundthehousenaked.”
“Mom!”Lottiesays,herfaceturningred.
Ileaninandwink.“Itotallygetwhatyoumean.”Clearingmythroat,Isay,“Iaskedhertomovein,butI’mwaitingonananswer.”
“Really?”Mauraasks,excitementbeamingfromhereyes.“Oh,wow,that’ssoexciting.Honey,areyougoingtosayyes?”
WebothlookatLottie,whosemouthisfulloficecream.Sheglancesbetweenus,andIknowshewantstomurderme,becauseiflookscouldkill…
I’dbesixfeetunder.
Sheswallowscautiouslyandthensays,“I’mnotsure.He’smoreattachedtomethanIamtohim.”Sheshovesmoreicecreaminhermouth.
“Lottie.Howcouldyousaysomethinglikethat?”Mauraasks,horrified.Whispering,sheadds,“Andrightinfrontofhim,too.”
“Ah,she’sonlykidding,”Isay,takingtheheatoffLottie.“Shewasthefirstonetosay‘Iloveyou,’actually.”
Maura’seyeswiden.“Wow,Ididn’t…Ididn’tknow.”MauraturnstoLottie.“I’msadyoudidn’tthinkyoucouldtrustmewiththisinformation.”Ohshit.Idon’tneedthemomfeelingsad.
“It’smyfault,”Isayquickly.“Ibeggedhernottotellanyone.Ireallywantedtokeepitonthedown-low.ShewantedtotellyouandJeff,butIaskedhernotto.Pleasedon’tbemadather.Ifyou’remadatanyone,itshouldbeme.”
ThatearnsmeasoftgazefromLottie,butitdoesn’tlastverylong,notwhensheturnsbacktohericecreamandscoopssomemoreintohermouth.
“Iappreciateyoubeinghonestwithme,Huxley.”Jesus,ifonlysheknew.“Well.”Maurarestsherhandsonthetable.“Howdidyoumeet?”
“Onawalk,”Isay,eventhoughthat’snotwhatItoldDave.Jesus,thisisalreadytwistedandfucked.Atleastonawalkistrue.“ShewaslostandIhelpedherfindherwaybackhome,butIknewbeforesheleft,Ineededhernumber.Couldn’tstopstaringather.Thosegreeneyesofhersmesmerizeme.”
Lottieglancesinmydirection,asurprisedlookonherface.Yeah,Ipayattentiontothesmallthings.I’drememberthoseeyeseveniftheyjustbrieflyglancedatme.
“Howsweet.Lottie,youhaven’tsaidmuch.”
BecauseIkeepsteppinginbeforeshecansayanything.BecauseeventhoughIknowsheneedsmetocoverforher,I’mnotfullyconfidentshewon’tflyoffthedeependandblowourcover.
“JustobservingHuxley,”shesays.“Seeinghowhefitsinmyenvironment.”Shestirsherspooninherbowl.“Notsurehefitsinornot.”
“Pleaseexcusemydaughter,sheapparentlyhasnodecorum.Lottie,thisisyourboyfriend.”
Mauraisagoodwoman.
“It’sokay,Maura.Shetendstobustmyballsoften—excusemylanguage.”
“Oh,don’tbotherexcusingyourselfaroundhere,wearen’tproperinanyway.AndIguessshegetsthatattitudefromme;ItendtothrowsomeshadetowardJeffaswell.”
“Makesitthatmuchmorefun,especiallywhenatnight,shecurlsintomeforahugandpressesthosesweetlipsonmine.Makesitallworthit,becauseIknowmygirllovesme.Trulylovesme.”
AndtheOscargoesto…
Lottiestandsfromthetable,bowlinhand.“I’mdone.Huxley,letmeshowyoumyroom.”
“That’spresumptuous,”Iteasewhiletakingamouthfuloficecream.Whensheglaresatme,Istandfrommyseatandsay,“Maura,excusemewhilemygirlgainssomeprivatetimewithme.ShallIputmybowlinthesink?”
Shewavesatme.“No,Igotthis,youtwogoahead.”
“Thankyou.”ItakeLottie’shandinmineandallowhertoguidemedownthehallwaytothelastroomontheleft.Sheopensthedoor,dragsmein,andthenshutsthedoorbehindme.
Itakeinthesmallbutfullydecoratedroom.Postersofrockbandsspanacrosseverywall.FromtheBeatles,toELO,toBoston,everyoneisrepresented,evenontheceiling.Herbedisunmade,thereareclothesontheground,andherdresseriscoveredinmakeupandfaceproducts.IfeelasthoughI’vebeentransportedbacktwodecadestooneofmygirlfriend’srooms.Clutter,everythingyoulikeplasteredonthewalls,andeventhoughthereisn’tablacklightinherroom,thereisropelightingoutliningherdoor.Thisgirlisnotthatmuchyoungerthanme,butmandoesitfeellikeit.
“Howoldareyou,again?”Iask,turningtofaceher.I’mgreetedbyaveryangry-lookingwoman:armscrossed,jawclenched,foottapping.
Damn,thegirltrulycancommitmurderwithhereyes.
“Whattheactualhellareyoudoinghere?”
“We’llgettothatinasecond.Ijustneedtoknowhowoldyouarefirst.”
Sherollshereyes.“Don’tworry,babe,I’mtwenty-eight.Noneedtocallyourlawyers.”Shepassesme,hershoulderbumpingagainstmineasshemakesherwaytoherunmadebedandtakesaseat.Hersheetsarecoveredintinyhearts,whereashercomforterispitchblackandvelvety.I’mtryingtogainanunderstandingofthisgirl,butIcan’tseemtoputmyfingeronher.She’sallovertheplace.
Rockposters.Heartsheets.
Surlyattitude.Caresaboutherparents.
Snarlsfromacrossthetable.Willgobbledownwhateverisplacedinfrontofher.
“Nowtellmewhatthehellyouthinkyou’redoing,”shesays.
“Doingyouafavor.”Istickmyhandsinmypantspockets.
“Howislyingtomymomdoingmeafavor?Shelegitthinkswe’reacouple.”
“Whichwasaccomplishedbymyimpeccableacting.Youcouldusesomeadjustments.”
Herbrowsnarrow.Coolitwiththeteasing,man,she’snotopentoitrightnow.
“IthoughtItoldyouatChipotleIwasn’tinterested.”
“Youwereinterested,”Isay.“Butyouwerespooked.Notsurewhatspookedyou,butIsawashiftinyou.Iknewyouweren’tthroughwiththis;youjustneededsomeencouragement.That’swhattheflowerswere,encouragement.”
“Uh-huh.Andwhatwouldyousaytodayis?”
“Todayisakickintheass.”
“Idon’tneedakickintheass.You’retheonewhoneedsthismorethanIdo.”
“Oh,really?”Iask,feelingcockynowwithknowledge.“Becausefromwhatitseemslike,yourmomiscountingdownthesecondsuntilyouleavethishouse.Shealsoseemstobelieveyouwillbereceivingapromotionsoon,when,infact,you’reoutofajob.Caretotellmewhyshethinksthat?”
Lottiemovesherjawbackandforthbutdoesn’tanswerme.
Ithumbtowardthedoor.“OrshouldIgoaskhermyself?”Imovetoleaveandshequicklyspringsfromthebedandgrabsmyhand,pullingmeback.
“Don’tsayaGDthingtomymom.”Shesitsonthebedandthenflopsbackwards.“God,whyisthissuchanightmare?”
“Itdoesn’thavetobe,”Isay.“Itcouldbereallysimple.Wecanhelpeachotherout,butforsomereason,you’renotallowingthattohappen.”
“Becauseyou’reacompletestranger,”shehissesatme.“Youwantmetobeyourfiancée,livewithyouapparently,andbeatyourbeckandcall?IhavealifeIhavetolive,Idon’thavetimetoplayyourrich-dickgame.”
“Thisisn’tagameforme,”Isay.“Thisisahugefuckuponmypart,andI’mtryingtomakeitbetter,foreveryone.Andyouwon’thavetobeatmybeckandcall,justafewdinnershereandthere,maybeaweekendthing,justuntilIcansecurethisdeal,andthenyoucantellmetofuckoff.”
“AndwhatdoIgetinreturn?”sheasks,liftingupsoshe’sleaningonherelbows.
“Whateveryouwant,”Isay,becauseI’matthatpoint.Iwanthertoknowtheskyisthelimit,becauseI’veyettomentionthepregnancything.“Needaplacetostay?Ihaveaseven-bedroomhome.Needadateforyourreunion?I’myourman.Needmetomakeaphonecalltothisex-bossofyours,letherknowshemadeahugemistakebylettingyougo?I’mthereforyou.Wantajob?Icanfindyouone.”
“Idon’twantajobfromyou,”shesays.“Ireallywant…”Hervoicetrailsoffassheshakesherheadandlookstowardherwindow.
Oh,shedoeswantsomething.Icanseeitinherfar-offgaze.It’swishful,hopeful,somethingbehindthosesultryeyesthatshetruly,trulywants.
Itakethatopportunitytositnexttoheronthebed.Thismightbeabreakthroughmomentforme,whereIcanmovepastthattoughexteriorofhers.“Whatdoyouwant,Lottie?Trustme,Icanmakeprettymuchanythinghappen.”
Herlipstwisttothesideassheavoidseyecontactwithme.Justfromthewayherbrowdrawstogether,Iknowshe’sthinkingaboutit,consideringtellingme.Insteadofpushing,Iwait.
Andwait.
Until…
“Iwanttobeabletohelpmysister,”shesaysquietly.“Iwanttofeelfulfilledwithmycareer,appreciated,andIknowIcandothatwithKelsey.She’smyperson,mybestfriend,andworkingwithherwouldbeadream.”Sheglancesatme.“Butshecan’taffordtohireme,andIneedtomakemoney.”
“Whatdoesshedo?”Iappreciatethevulnerabilityinhervoice.Whenshe’snothidingbehindthesnarkandsarcasm,she’sthemostunselfishpersonI’veeverknown.HereIamwiththeproverbialAladdin’slamp,andshewantstohelphersister.Truealtruism.Wow.
“Shehasherownorganizingcompany.ThinkTheHomeEdit,butdoingitsustainably.”
“What’sTheHomeEdit?”Iask,confused.IsthatsomethingIshouldknow?
“Ugh,men,”shemuttersbeforesaying,“TheHomeEditisallaboutorganizingyourhouse,paringthingsdown,andmakingsureyouliveanorganizedliferatherthanachaoticone.Theyturnpantriesintohavens,fridgesintomasterpieces.It’sspectacular.Kelseyisonthecuspofbeingabletopushforwardandbemorethanaone-personshow,butshe’shavingahardtimekeepingupwiththebusinessside.That’swhereIwouldcomein.”
“Isee.”Istaredownather.“Youknow,Ihavealotofconnections.Mybrothersalonecouldusesomeonetocomeintotheirhouseandorganize.Ourofficescoulduseanoverhaul.Icanmakesureyoursister’sbusinessisnotonlyseenbythetypeofpeoplewhowouldspendalotofmoneyforherservices,butIcanmakeitthriveaswell.”
“Wedon’twantyourcharity.”
“It’snotcharity.I’mnottellingpeopletouseher,butifyouwanttogoanywhereinbusiness,Lottie,youhavetoknowconnectionsmeaneverything.Sometimes,justonepersonisallyouneed.Onepersontoignitetheflame,becausethatonepersonmightknowfivepeople,andthosefivepeoplemightknowfivemorepeople,andthat’showabusinessgrowsatfirst,wordofmouth.I’mthatfirstpersonandIknowwaymorethanfivepeople.”
“Whatareyousaying?”
“I’msayingIwanttohelpyou.”HowdoImakeherbelieveme?“Howaboutthis—youpretendtobemyfiancéeandgotothesebusinesseventswithme,andinreturn,youcanstayatmyhouse—”
“I’mnotlivingwithyou.IcanmoveinwithKelsey.There’snowayI’mlivingwithastrangerIdon’tknow.”
“Fine.YoutakethejobwithKelseyandmoveinwithher,andIhelpyoutwowithsomeconnections.”
Shemullsitover,herlipstwistedtotheside.
“Andyouknow,”Iadd,clearingmythroat,“ifyoucouldbepregnantaswell,thatwouldbeideal.”
“What?”shesays,sittingupcompletely.“Haveyoulostyourmind?I’mnotlettingyougetmepregnant.”
“Fuck,no,Ididn’tmeanitlikethat.Pretendtobepregnant.Pretend.I’mnotgoingtobefuckingyouoranythinglikethat.”
Herbrowknitstogether.“WhyonearthwouldIpretendtobepregnant?”
“BecauseItoldtheguyI’mtryingtodobusinesswiththatyou’repregnant.”
“Why?Whywouldyousaythat?”
Isighandgripthebackofmyneck.“Hisfiancéeispregnant.Iwastryingtoformaconnectionwiththeguy.”
“Bymakingupthefactthatyouhaveapregnantfiancée?Wow,Huxley,youreallyareinsomedeepshit,aren’tyou?”
“Iam.That’swhyIneedyou.So,nameit,Lottie.”Iholdmyarmsout.“Namewhatyouwantandit’syours.”
“Idon’tknowwhatIwant.”
“Okay.”Istandfromthebedandpaceherroom.“Inaperfectworld,whatwouldyouhaverightnow?”Ifaceherandholdmyfingerup.“Workingwithyoursister,right?”
Shenods.
“NotlivingwithyourmomandJeff.”
Shenodsagain.
“Showingupthisbossofyours,theonethatletyougo.”
“Alifelongfriendwhohasbeentoxicfromthestart.Wouldlovetojustshoveitupherass.”
Ichuckle.“Okay,thatcanbearranged.Whatelse?”
“Perfectworld?”sheaskswithhesitation.
“Perfectworld.”
Herteethrolloverthecornerofhermouthasshesays,“Well,I’dbeworkingwithmysister,outofmymom’shouse,couldstickittoAngela,mystudentloansarepaidoff,andeverytimeitrains,IhaveaplacewhereIcanlieintherainwithoutjudgment.”
“Done,”Ianswer.
“What?”sheasksskeptically.
“Allofit,done.I’vegotyoucovered.I’llhelpwithyoursister’sbusinesssoyoucanworkforher.You’regoingtolivewithyoursister,sothatcovershousing,we’llmaketheperfectplantostickittoAngela,I’lleasilypayoffyourstudentloans,andIknowtheperfectplacetoprivatelylieintherain.”
Sheshakesherhead.“You’renotpayingoffmystudentloans.”
“Whynot?”Iaskher.
“BecauseI’mnotahooker.”
Iscratchthebackofmyhead.“Idon’trecallthetimewhereIsaidIwouldpayyoutofuckme.”
“Youdidn’t,butitjustfeels…weird.Youpayingmetobeyourescort.”
“Firstofall,you’renotanescort.Let’sthrowthattermrightoutthewindow,gotit?Secondofall,thisisn’taboutme,thisisaboutus.Thisisadeal.Anaccord.Atransactionbetweentwopeople.We’llbothagreeuponafairbargain,andtradeservices,that’sit.Nothingmore.Trustme,I’dpayaheftyamountofmoneytoconvinceyoutogetonboard.I’msurethestudentloanscan’tbethatbad.Howmuchdoyouowe?”
Shewincesandsays,“Thirtythousanddollars.”
Thecornerofmymouthtiltsup.“Chumpchange,Lottie.”
Hereyeswiden.“Ihaveathirty-thousand-dollardebtandyou’recallingthatchumpchange?”
“TrustmewhenIsayIhavebillionstoworkwith.”
Confused,sheasks,“Whyareyoutellingmethis?Icouldextortthosebillionsfromyou.”
“Possibly,butIdon’tthinkyouwill.Youdon’tseemtobethatkindofperson.”
“I’mnot,”shesays,deflated.“IwishIwere;itwouldmakethisthatmucheasier.”
Ichuckle.“I’mgladyou’renotsomeonewhoreliesonextortion.Bodeswellforme.”Istandthere,handsinmypockets.Headdown,Ijustliftmyeyestoglanceather.“Sayyes.”
Shepressesherlipstogether.“HowdoIknowyou’llfollowthroughonyourend?”
“I’llhavemylawyersdrawupacontract.Simple.”
Stillseemingunsure,shestaresdownatherhands.“Idon’tknow.”
“Tellmewhyyoudon’twanttodoit,”Isay.Inorderforhertogothroughwiththis,shehastoadmittowhateverisholdingherback.
“Justfeels…wrong.IknowIwastheonewhocrazilysoughtoutarichhusbandtosolveallmyproblems,butnowthatit’shalfwaytrue,itjustfeelswrong.I’veworkedhardforeverythingI’veearned;thisfeelslikeafreebie,anditdoesn’tsettlewellwithme.”
Icanunderstandthatfeeling.Ifitweren’tformydad,wewouldn’thavethebusinesswehavetoday.
“Iunderstandtheprideyouhaveinworkingforeverythingyou’veearnedinlife.Iunderstandthatalltoowell.Butdoyouknowhowwestartedourbusiness?”
Sheshakesherhead.“Ihonestlyknownothingaboutyou.”
“Well,itwaswithanideaandinsurancemoneyfrommydad’spassing.Withoutthatinsurancemoney,there’snowaywewouldbewherewearetoday.Yes,hardwork,hustle,andwell-thought-outdecisionsmadethatmoneygrow,butweneededthatboost,thatassistance.Thatstartingpoint.Everyoneneedsbothastrongstartandaboostfromtimetotime.Don’tlookatthisasafreebie,Lottie,lookatitasaboost.”
“Iguessthatmakessense.”Hereyesflashtomine.“Youmightbeofferingmethedealofalifetime,butIneedyoutoknowsomething.”Shestandsfromherbed,andeventhoughshe’safootshorterthanme,shestillwalksuptomeandattemptstobeintimidating.“IoweyounothingotherthanwhatIsignedupfor,andthislittlestuntyoupulledtoday—it’sdeceivinganditwon’thappenagain.Blackmailing,holdingmytruthagainstme,that’sbullshit,andIdon’tlikeyouverymuchforit.”
“Fair,”Isay.“ButIrefusetoapologizeforwhatIdid.”Hergazefocusesonme.“Idon’tapologizeunlessIregretsomethingIdid.Idon’tregretthis.Asabusinessman,Imakethebestdecisionstohelpcloseinonmygoal.”
“Sothat’swhatthisis—abusinesstransaction?”
“Nothingmorethanthat.”
“Good,”shesaysandthenpointstothedoor.“Youcanleavenow.”
Ishakemyhead.“Nicetry,Lottie,butI’mgoingtoneedsomeinformationfromyoubeforeIleave,andthosethingsincludeyourphonenumber,sister’saddress,dresssize,andshoesize.”
“Whydoyouneedthosethings?”
ItakeastepcloserandtugonheroldrockbandT-shirt.“Notthatthisisn’tsexyonyou,butyou’regoingtoneedsomethingalittlemore…expensive…ifyou’regoingtobeattachedtome.”Iliftherchinupwithmyindexfinger.“I’malsogoingtoneedyourringsize.Myfiancéewillbeproperlyadornedwitharing.”
Sheswallowshard.“Fine,butI’mgoingtoneedtoknowyourdicksizebeforeyouleave.”
“Whydoyouneedtoknowthat?”Iask.
“Because,”shesayswithasmile,“IneedtoknowifIhavetoactlikeahappyfiancée,oratrulysatisfiedfiancée.”
Fuck,theovariesonthisgirl.WhenwasthelasttimeIhadsuchanhonest,forthrightconversationwithawoman?
ThebackofmyneckheatsupasIsay,“Trustme,you’refuckingsatisfied.”
Sheshrugs.“IguessI’llhavetotakeyourwordforit.”
Shewalksovertohernightstandandpullsoutapenandapieceofpaperandstartswritingthingsdown.Imovearoundhermessyroomandsay,“Ifyoursisterspecializesinorganization,howcomeyourroomisadisaster?”
“She’striedtohelpme,butI’malostcause.Behappyyou’renotlivingwithme.”
Youmightbealostcausetoyoursister,butyoucouldbemyvictoryChapterSix
LOTTIE
Mom:[picture]Here’sapictureofJeffandme,naked,inthelivingroom.Sparedyouwithapicfromtheneckup.Butwe’relivingafree,breezylife.
“Why,Mom?Why?”IaskasIcringeandsetdownmyphone.
“What?”Kelseyasks,fumblingwithoneofmyboxes.
“TwohoursafterImovedoutandthey’realreadynakedinthelivingroom.”
Kelseymakesagaggingsound.“I’mallforexpressingyourtrueself,buttherearethingsshedoesn’tneedtosharewithhertwodaughters.”
“Agreed,”Isay,whileleaningagainstthewallofKelsey’ssmallstudioapartment.“Andwestillhavetositonthatfurniturewhenwegotovisither.”
“I’llbestandingfromnowon,”Kelseysays,gruntingassheshovesoneboxontopofanother.
Thespacehereis,let’sjustsay…lacking.“Kels,I’mstartingtogetanxious.”
“Becauseofthedinneryouhavetogototonight,thecontractyoujustsigned,orthefactthatwe’regoingtohavetomakeaboxcastleinorderforyoutoliveheretoo?”
Yup,that’sright,Isignedacontract,bindingmyselftoHuxleyCaneuntilallcontractualobligationsarefulfilled.
And,yes,I’llbeactinglikethedotingfiancéetonight.
Nottomention,there’sabsolutelyzerowalkingspaceinKelsey’sapartment.WhydidIthinkitwasbigger?WhydidIthinkthiswasbigenoughfortwopeople?
“Allthree,”Ianswer.“DoyouthinkImadeahugemistake?”
“Honestly?Idon’tknow.”Kelseyletsoutaheavybreath.“Ithinktherearerisksandrewardswitheverything.It’sahugeriskbeingcontractuallyobligatedtohangoutwiththisHuxleyguyuntilhesecuresthedeal.Butthinkabouttherewardsfromitall—andI’mnotjusttalkingaboutwherethebusinesscouldgo.Thinkaboutbeingdebtfreefromyourstudentloans.”
“Yeah,Istilldon’tfeelrightaboutthat.”
Kelseystacksoneofmyboxesofclothesontopofaboxofshoes.“Thinkaboutitthisway.Huxleyisprobablymakingalotofmoneyoffthisdeal,orelsehewouldn’thavegonetothelengthsthathehastosecureit,right?”
“Right.”
“Well,justtreatthestudentloanpayoffasyourcommissionforhelpinghim.”
“Huh,IguessIcouldthinkaboutitthatway.”
“See?”Shehoistsupanotherbox.“ThesewillhavetogohereuntilIcanfigureouttheperfectstoragesystemforus.”Shepointstomybedonthefloor.“Areyousureyoudon’tmindsleepingonpillows?Icantradewithyoueveryothernight.”
Iwavemyhandather.“It’llbefine.Andlookathowcuteyoumadethebedtoo.It’llwork.”Isigh.“Thanksfortakingmein.”
“WhatdoMomandJeffthinkyou’redoing?”
“TheythinkImovedinwithHuxley.”
“Uh,whatareyougoingtodowhentheyasktovisityournewplace?”
“We’llsetupatime,I’lltakeoversomepersonaleffects,andthenI’llpretendI’mlivingthere.It’snotasifthey’regoingtocheckthebathroomstomakesuremytamponsarelockedandloaded.”
“True.”Kelseylaughs.“Didn’timaginethat.Well,itseemsasifyouhaveeverythingplanned.Whatabouttonight?Areyouready?Doyouhaveyourstorystraight?”
“Whatstory?”
“Youknow,howyoumet,howheproposed…howfaralongyouare?”
OhGod,wedon’thaveastory.
Nothingwasinthecontract.
AndI’veonlyheardfromHuxleyoncesinceheleftmyhousetheotherday,whichjustmakesthingsthatmuchmorecomforting.
Canyousensethesarcasm?
Becauseit’sheavy.
MyanxietypeaksasIrealizewehaven’ttalkedaboutanyofourbackstory.Theonlythingwe’vespokenabouttoeachotheristhecontractandifIsigneditornot.Ihadalengthyconversationwithhislawyer,whobasicallythreatenedmylifewithanNDA.IaskedhimifKelseycountedinthatNDA,andoncediscussedseparatelywithHuxley—Iwasleftoutoftheconversation—Iwastoldno,shedidn’tcount,butthentheymadehersignanNDAaswell.It’sbeenanordeal.
“Wehaven’ttalkedaboutanysortofbackstory.”Inibbleonmyfinger,attemptingtotampdownthebilestartingtoriseinmythroat.
Kelseycringes.“Ooo,I’dtexthim,seewhattimedinneris,whenheplansonpickingyouup,andwhatyourstoryis,becauseIdoubthe’llbethrilledaboutanyslipuponyourend.Didn’thesaysomethinginthecontractaboutcommittingtocharacter?”
“Didhe?OhGod,Ishould’vereaditbetter.”
“Didyounotreadthecontract?”Kelseyasks,horrified.
“Itwastwentypages,Kels.That’sfartoomuchlegaljargonforonesitting.”
“Jesus,Lottie.Yousignedyourlifeawaywithoutreadingit?”
“Igotthegistofit.”
“Clearlynot.”
Icantastethebileonmytonguenow.“You’renotmakingmyanxietyanybetter,yourealizethat,right?”IreachformyphoneandshootHuxleyapanickedtext.
Lottie:What’sourstory?Howdidwemeet?Howdidyoupropose?HowfaralongamI?ShouldIbeshowing?Arewehavingaboyoragirl?Whatarethenamesofthepeoplewe’rehavingdinnerwith?WhyonearthdidIsignthatGDcontract?
Itossmyphonedownandsitatthetwo-seatoakbistrotable.“Thiswasabadidea,”Isay.“Ipromisedtostayincharacter,andIdon’tevenknowwhatthecharacteris.Isignedacontract,Kelsey.”
“Yeah,notgoingtolie,Ihavesecondaryanxietyforyou.”
“That’snothelpful.”Ipinherwithastare.
Knock.Knock.
“That’sthefood,”Kelseysays,bouncingtowardthedoor.“Putapininthatanxiety.Springrollsdon’tgowellwithit.”
Doesanxietygowellwithanymaindish?
Asthedooropens,Irestmyheadagainstthewall,butonlyforananosecond,becauseKelsey’sstartledgaspdrawsmyattention.Frightenedbywhatmightbeontheothersideofthedoor,Ihesitantlyleanforwardjustintimetoseeamancarryingafewdressboxesandbagsfullofshoeboxesintotheapartment.HesetsthemonKelsey’stwin-sizebedandthenleavesasHuxleystepsforward,lookingratherexpensiveandquiteserious.Whenhiseyesmeetmine,I’mmetwithafrown.Whythehellishefrowningatme?
“CanI,uh,helpyou?”Kelseyasks.
HeturnstoKelsey,andhisfrownlightensashesays,“YoumustbeKelsey.”Heholdsouthishand.“I’mHuxley.It’sapleasuretomeetyou.”
“Oh,dearGod,”Kelseysays,shakinghishand.Shelooksoverhershoulderandwhispers,“YoudidNOTsayhowhandsomeheis.”
Iwhisperback,“Youmightbewhispering,buthecanstillhearyou.”
Huxleychucklesandshutsthedoorbehindhim.Hiseyesroamthequaintfour-by-fourspace.Hisneutralexpressionslowlychangesintoadispleasedscowlwitheverysecondthatgoesby.Hedoesn’tseemtoohappy.
“Thisiswhereyouplanonliving?”
“Isthereaproblemwiththat?”Ianswer.
Hestepsinfarther,andhiscriticalinspectionfallstothepillowbedontheground.Hetoesitwithhisshoe.“Andthisiswhereyou’resleeping?”
“Isn’titnice?”
Notansweringme,heshufflespasttheboxtower,whichprecariouslysways.“Andwheredoyouplanonputtingtheseboxes?”
“Notthatit’sanyofyourbusiness,butKelseyisgoingtoorganizeeverything.She’sapro,remember?”
Thatjudgmentalcastofhiseyesextendsoverourspaceonemoretimebeforehesays,“Noinsulttoherprofessionandskills,butI’dliketoseehowallofthisisgoingtofitintothistinyapartmentandthespacestillbelivable.IseethatKelseyhasalreadyusedsomeoftheheightsthesetallerceilingshavetooffer,butI’veseenyourroomandthedisasteryou’recapableof.”
Well,hecameinfiredup,didn’the?
“Kelsey,caretoputhiminhisplace?”Iaskcasually.Ifanyonecanfigureoutthisdebacle,it’sKelsey.She’samodern-daymarvelwhenitcomestoorganization.Sheseesstorageinwaysotherpeopledon’t.Ifanyonecanmakeitwork,it’sher.
“Well,Ididn’tthinkyouweregoingtobringoverthismanyboxes,”Kelseysays,lookinglessconfidentthanme.“Andthenwhoknowswhat’sinthoseboxesandbagsthatHuxleyjustdroppedoff?”
“Kelsey.”Isittall.“Thisiswhatyouspecializein.”
“Iknow.”ShetwistsherhandstogetherandsaystoHuxley,“Idon’twantyoutothinkI’mnotgoodatwhatIdo,becauseI’mreallygood,butsometimesyoualsohavetoadmitthatapurgeisnecessaryinordertomakethingswork.I’maminimalist,andIthinkwemighthavetopurgesomeofyourthingsfirst,Lottie,inordertomakethiswork.”
“Purge?”Iask,flabbergastedatthemerenotionofdoingsuchathing.“DoyourealizeIonlybroughtthebareminimumwithme?Ididn’tevenbringallofmyclothes.ThisiswhatIneedtosurvive.”
“I’lltakecareofthis.”Huxleypullsouthisphoneandstartstypingaway.“I’llhaveAndrecomeretrieveyourboxes.”
“Whatdoyoumean,retrievethem?What’shegoingtodowiththem?”
Huxleyglancesupfromhisphone,onebrowlifted,thosesultryeyesburningthroughme.“Takethemtomyhouse.”
Ishakemyhead.“Noway,nope.Notachance.ItoldyouIwasn’tmovinginwithyou.”
“Don’tbeabsurd.Ihaveaseven-bedroomhouse.Youcouldhavearoomforeachofyourboxes.”
“I’mnotroomingwithamanIdon’tknow.”Ifoldmyarmsovermychest.
Westareeachotherdown,alinebeingdrawnbetweenus.
WouldlivingwithHuxleybeeasier?Sure,probably,butIdon’tknowtheguy.Whatinsanepersonwouldjustmoveinwithacompletestranger?
Notme.
Andmysisterwouldneverallowit.
“Youknow,itmightnotbeabadidea,”Kelseysays.
ExcusemewhileIpickmyjawupofftheground.
Excuseme?
Notabadidea?
“Kelsey,”Iwhisperinshock.“Whatonearth?You’resupposedtobeonmyside.”
“Iam.”Shegesturestotheboxes.“Butoneweekendofthisandwe’regoingtohateeachother.Andlookathim,heseemsniceenough.”
“Niceenough?”Iask,completelyfloored.“Isthatallthequalificationsyouneed?Niceenough?”
“Andhesmellsheavenly,andweknowwhoheis,soifhetriestodoanything,wecanreporthim,andthatwouldruinhisreputation.It’sobvioushe’sgoingtogreatlengthstoavoidthat.”
There’ssometruthtothat,butstill…
“WhatamIsupposedtodo—justliveatthisguy’smansion?”
Kelseysmirks.“Uh,yeah.Seemslikeadreamtome.”
LeaningtowardKelsey,Iwhisper,“Idon’tevenlikehim.”
Whisperingback,shesays,“Hecanhearyou.”
“Youdon’thavetolikemetodobusinesswithme.Remember,thisisnothingbutabusinesstransaction.Thesooneryoustartthinkingofitthatway,theeasieritwillbetotaketheemotionoutofit.”
IscowlatHuxley,wholooksfartoocasual,rockingonhisheels,handsinhispockets.
“He’sright,”Kelseysays.WhenIdon’trespond,shecontinues,“Whataboutthis?Tryitforaweek,andthenifyouwanttocomeback,mystudioapartmentisopentoyou,pillowbedandall.”
“You’reserious?Youdon’twantmetostay?”
“He’snotgoingtohurtyou,”Kelseysays.
“That’swhatyousaynow,buttomorrowinthenews,missing-sisterreportscirculatetheInterweb.”
“You’rebeingridiculous.Weknoweverythingabouthim.Hetriesonething,andhisreputationisruined.Trustme,I’mgoodatreadingpeople.He’snotstupid.”
Ican’tbelieveI’mevenconsideringthis,butwhenIlookbetweenthetwoofthem,Ifeelmyselfleaningfurtherandfurthertowardayes.Notbecauseofthemansionaspect,butbecauseIdon’twantKelseytohateme,andIknowafterafewdaysinthistinyapartment,sheverywellmightdisownme.Livinghereisonething,butworkingandlivinghereinthisapartmentisawholeotherballgame.
Sighing,Isay,“Fine,butIrequestthefarthestroomawayfromyours,nofunnybusiness.”Ipointmyfingerathim.
“Don’tflatteryourself,”hesayscasuallybeforegoingtothebed,whereheshufflesthedressboxes.KelseysnortsandcovershermouthwhileIsteam.
“Well,don’tyou…flatteryourselfeither,”Isay.
“Ooo,burn,”Kelseysaysmockingly.“Youreallygothimwiththatone.”
Irubmytemples.“Kelsey,Iwouldappreciateitifyouwereonmyside.”
“Iam,that’swhyI’mencouragingyoutotryharderwithyourcomebacks.Thinkbeforeyoureact,hithimbackwhereithurts.Youknow,somethinglike…your,uh,hair…well,no,that’snice.Maybe,thatsuit…hmm,it’simpeccablytailored.Wait,that’sacompliment.Oh,Iknow,yourjawissotight…it’sactuallyquitesymmetrical.Hiswholeface,verysymmetrical.Justanabsolutespecimen.”
“Wow.”Islowclap.“Thanks,Kelsey,super-helpfulinsults.”
Huxleylooksbetweenthetwoofus.“Arewedonewiththepitifulattemptsatcomebacks?”
“You’repitiful,”IshootbackandthenlooktoKelseyforapproval.Shegivesmeasolidthumbsupandaheadnod.Ha,gothimgood.
Hisjawticks.“Ineedyoutotryonoutfits.”
“Youcouldaskinanicertone.”
“Thisisbusiness.I’mnottryingtowinyouoverorwooyou.I’myourbossinthismoment,therefore,yourespondtomycommands.”
Angerbubblesupinsideme,whileKelseyfansherface.
“Wow,shouldshecallyouDaddyafterthatdomineeringspeech?”
“Kelsey,fortheloveofGod.”Ipinchthebridgeofmynose.“Couldyoupleasekeepitinyourpants?”
There’sanotherknockatthedoor,andshesays,“Now,thatmustbethefood,unlessyouhavesomeonewaitingformebehindthatdoor.”Shewiggleshereyebrowsandthenstraightens.“Man,Ireallydoneedtokeepitinmypants.”Shegoestothedoor,acceptsthefood,andthenbringsittohergalleykitchen.
Huxleyflipsopentheboxesandholdsupabeautiful,greenmaxidresswithanempirewaistandflowydolmansleeves.TheplungingnecklineislowerthanwhatI’dnormallywear,butthefabriclooksluscious,so,youknow…I’lltryiton.
“Putthison.Iwanttoseeyouinit.”
Istandfrommychair,snagthedressfromhim,andsay,“Youknow,apleasewouldn’thurtyou.”
WhenI’minthebathroom,Iquicklyslipoutofmyclothes—whichIjustkicktotheside,Kelseywillbehorrified—andthenputonthedress,lettingthesmoothfabricfallovermycurves.
“Wow,”Iwhisper,whiletakinginthedressinthemirror.Itfitslikeaglove,itaccentuatesmywaist,andmyboobslookspectacular.Iguessmoneyreallycanbuyeverything,becauseI’veneverbeenabletobuythiskindofsilhouettebefore.
Timetoshowthe“boss.”
Iopenthedoorandwalkoutofthebathroom,feelingawkward.Idon’tknowwhattodowithmyhands,soIholdthemdemurelyinfrontofme.“Isthiswhatyouwerelookingfor,master?”Iaskhim.
Hisfacialexpressiondoesn’tchange,nordoesheshowaflickerofappreciation.Inasternvoice,hesays,“It’lldofortonight.”
MightaswellbethefarmerfromBabe.Patmeontheheadandsay,“That’lldo,pig.That’lldo.”
Sheesh.
Atleasthe’ssettingexpectationsrightnow.Thisisbusiness.Thisisn’tsomesortoffairytalewhereheplucksmefromragsandturnsmeintoaprincess.NotthatIwantsomethinglikethat.Itrulywanttoearnmywaythroughthislife,but,youknow,alittledecencyoracknowledgementofmyusuallylackingcleavagewouldbenice.
“Theseotherdressesarefordifferentoccasions.Therearenotesintheboxesonwhentowearthemandhow,aswellaswhichshoestopairwiththem,butnowthatyou’regoingtobelivingwithme,I’llbeabletogivefinalapprovalbeforeyouwalkoutofthehouse.”
“Finalapproval?”Iask.“Yourealizethisismybody,right?”
“Verymuchawarethat’syourbody.ButyoualsosignedacontractthatstatedIgetfinalapprovalofalloutfitsbeforeweattendabusinessevent.”
“Ithoughtthatwasjust,youknow,semantics.”Iwavemyhandabout.
“Nothingaboutacontractisjustsemantics,”heshootsatme.“That’ssomethingyoushouldlearnrightaway,especiallyifyou’regoingtobeworkingwithintheadminsideofyoursister’sbusiness.Itwouldbehooveyoutobecomequitefamiliarwithlegaljargon.”
“Iamfamiliar,”Ishootback.“Don’tassumeIknownothing.”
“Whenyoupassoffourcontractassemantics,I’mgoingtoassumeyouneedtobeeducated,especiallywhentakingonyoursibling’sbusinessthatthey’vebuiltfromthegroundup.Youdon’tfuckaroundwiththat.”
“I’mnotfuckingaroundwithit.”
“Youneedtotakeitseriously,”hesaysinthatcommandingvoice.
“Iamtakingitseriously.”
“Thisisn’tjustagame,Lottie.Thisisanopportunitytoseize,tojumptothenextchapterinyourlife,tolevelup,andifyou’rejustgoingtofuckaround—”
“WhatthehellmakesyouthinkI’mfuckingaround?”Ispreadmyarmswide.“I’mstandinghereinadressyouwantmetowear,andsomemanisgoingtocomehereandmovemyboxestoyourhouse,atyourrequest.I’mgoingtoattendadinnertonightthat,frankly,I’mterrifiedofattending,justforthemerefactthatifIslipup,ifIsaysomethingwrong,thenIfuckeverythingupforyou.Andforsomeoddreason,Idon’twanttodothat.”Iclosethedistancebetweenusandpokehiminthechest.“Sodon’taccusemeoffuckingaround.Doyouunderstandme?”
Amunchingsoundfillsthesilence,andatthesametime,HuxleyandIbothturntowardKelsey,whohasacontaineroflomeininhand,chopsticksintheother.She’smidbitewhenshesmilesatusandsays,“Oh,sorry…justenjoyingtheshow.Lomein?”Sheoffersthecanister.
Annoyed,Ispinonmyheelandreturntothebathroom,whereIdisrobeonceagain,butthistime,Isit,halfnaked,onthecoveredtoilet.
Thenerveofthatman.Itreallyistimetoreadthatcontract.
***
Theairconditionerinthecarisdoingnothingfortheburninginfernothat’srippingthroughmybody.
Iknowthisisbusiness,I’mnotlookingforanythingotherthanabusinesstransaction,butwouldithavekilledthemantoatleastacknowledgethelengthsIwentto,tocurlmylonghair?Granted,heaskedmetocurlitanddemandedIgowithanaturallookwithmymakeup,butanodofapprovalwouldbenice.
DoyouthinkIgotone?
WhenIsteppedoutofthebathroom—lookingdamnfine,mindyou—hesaidnothing,otherthan“Let’sgetmoving.”
KelseygavemeahugofencouragementbeforeIleftandtoldmetocallherifIneededtocomebacktoherapartment.Fromtheanxiouslookonherfaceasweweretryingtofigureoutwhattodowithalltheboxes,I’mgoingtoassumetheinvitationisanemptyone.
HuxleydrivesthecarintoaquietstreetandpullsupnexttoalargewhitehousethatresemblesthehousefromTheFreshPrinceofBelAir,withthegrandiosepillarsandlarge,danglinglightfixture.
Ireachforthecardoorhandle,butheasks,“Wheredoyouthinkyou’regoing?”
Ilookovermyshoulderathim.“Idon’tknow,arrivingobnoxiouslyearlytoadinnerdate?”Ipointtotheclock.“Honestly,whoshowsupanhourearly?Isthatarichthinguspeasantsareunawareof?”
“Cuttingthesnarkoutofyourtonewouldbehelpful.”
“Cuttingtheassholeoutofyourswouldcutthesnarkoutofmine,so…theballisinyourcourt,Huxley.”
Theanimositybetweenusseemstobestrong,andIcan’tquitepinpointwhenithappened.SomewherearoundthetimehecametoKelsey’sapartmentanddemandedItryonadress.Wheneveritwas,it’snowfilteredintothevibebetweenus.
Thetensionisfierce,that’sforsure.
Hisjawclenchesandhecarefullyturnstowardme,hislargeframeadjustingtothecompactspaceofthecar.“Thisisn’ttheirhouse.Davelivesdowntheroadmore.Ifigured,foryourbenefit,wecouldtalkthroughsomeofthequestionsyoutextedme,butifyouwanttoshowupearly,lookinglikeadysfunctionalcouple,then,sure,let’sdothat.”
Ipointmyfingerathim.“That’snotcuttingouttheassholetone.”
“I’llcutitoutwiththeassholetonewhenyoutakethisseriously.”
“Iamtakingthisseriously,”Iyellathim.Iflipmyhairinhisdirection.“Doyourealizethekindofeffortittakestocurlthishair?Irarelydoit,butwhileyouwereenjoyinglomeinwithmysister,Iwassweatinglikeabeastinthebathroom,tryingtomakemyselfpresentableenoughtobeonyourarm.I’msorryI’mnotPageSixmaterial,butyouchosemetohelp,sodealwithwhatyougot.”
Hiseyesremainstern,hisfacialexpressionstoic,andforasecond,I’veanurgetopokehisface,toseeifhe’sfrozenwithoutmeknowingit.Buthedropshiseyestohisphoneandgrabsitfromtheconsole.Heflipsthroughitandsays,“Youwanttoknowhowwemet.”
So,we’renotgoingtoaddresshowlongittookmetodomyhair?Okay,justmakingsurethat’sthecase.Inserteyerollhere.
“Itmightbehelpful,becauseI’msureit’sgoingtobeasked.Arewejustgoingwiththewhole‘ranintohimonthesidewalk’story?Because,althoughlackinginluster,it’saneasyonetotell,butinmyversion,you’readick.Letmeguess,I’mashrewinyours?”
“Close,”hemuttersandthensays,“WemetinGeorgia.”
“Georgia?”Iaskinashrillvoice.“WhythehelldidwemeetinGeorgia?I’veneverevenbeenthere.”
“Youhaven’t?”heasks,asifhecan’tcomprehendsuchapreposterousidea.
“It’snotasthoughI’maCalifornianwho’sneverbeentoDisneyland.Ijusthaven’thappenedtoflyacrosstheUnitedStatestorandomlyvisitGeorgia,whenNevadaisthefurthesteastI’vebeen.”
“Howisthatpossible?”
“Notallofuscandropeverythingandflysomewhereonawhim,Huxley.Also…you’reold.You’vehadmoretimetoexplore.”
Hislipstwisttotheside.“Researchme?”
Iglancedownatmynails,examiningthewonderfuljobIdidwhilepaintingthemearlier.Mattewhite,incaseyouwerewondering.Totallyhoppingonthetrend,andI’mlovingit.“Thoughtitwouldbehelpful.Didn’texpecttoseeyouwereacradlerobber.Sevenyearsdifferencereallyisquiteupthere.”
“Ihaveassociateswhoaremarriedtowomentwenty-fiveyearstheirjunior.Sevenyearsisnothing.”
“Twenty-fiveyears?Jesus,theycouldbetheirfather.”
“Whydoyouassumeit’saman?”heasks.
“Well…Idon’tknow,”Isay,thinkingthathe’sright.“Men,Ijustassume,likeperkythings.”
“Andolderwomenlikestaminainthebedroom.”
Yeah,Imean,Iwouldn’tturndownstaminaeither.“So,they’rewomen?Abunchofcougars.”
“They’reactuallymen.”
Itossmyhandsintheair.“JesusChrist.Whatwasthepointofallofthat?”
“Toeducateyoutonevermakeassumptions,especiallyinbusiness.Itcouldbiteyouintheass.”
Iexhalesharply.“DearJesus,pleasehelpmethroughthisnightmarepredicamentIputmyselfin.”Afterafewmomentsofcollectingmyself,Isitbackupandsmileathim.“So,sweetie,pleasetellmehowwemetinGeorgia.”
“Don’tcallmesweetie,Idon’tlikethat.Ifyoumusthaveanendearingnameforme,youmaycallmeHux.”
“Inventive.”Igivehimathumbsup.
“ItoldDavemygrandmalivesinGeorgia.PeachtreeCity,tobeexact.Yougrewupjustnorthofthere.”
“Grewup?”Iaskinshock.“HowinthehellamIsupposedtotalkaboutgrowingupinastateI’veneverbeentobefore?Can’twejustgowiththesidewalkstory?Whyinvolveadifferentstate?Idon’tevenhaveasouthernaccent.”
“BecauseIalreadytoldthemmygrandmaintroduceduswhilewewerevisitinginGeorgia.”
Ifoldmyarms.“Well,thatwasidiotic.”
“Theinteractionwasunhingedfromthebeginning.Wecanmakeupforit,though,andsaythatyouwerevisitingGeorgia,familyandwhatnot.YoumovedtoCaliforniawhenyouwereten.It’llhelpwiththeno-accentthing,andthenyoucanalsobemorefamiliarwithCalifornia.Butwewerebothvisitingfamilywhenmygrandmaintroducedus.She’sbestfriendswithyourgrandmaCharlotte,andtheythoughtitwouldbeidealsincewebothliveinLosAngelesandwerebothvisitingthematthesametime.”
Inod.“Okay,thatcouldwork.Whathappenedwhenwemet?Wereyoutakenabackbymybeauty?”
“Yes,”hesays,hiseyesnotstrayingfrommine.“Icouldn’tstopthinkingabouthowcaptivatingyoureyeswere.”
Hmm…that’sthesecondtimehe’smentionedmyeyes.I’mbeginningtothinkthedemandingassholemightactuallythinkthey’repretty.
NotthatIcare.
But,youknow,neverhurtstoknowyouhaveaprettysetofpeepers.
“Justmyeyes,nothingelse?”Iask,battingmyeyelashes.
“Ifyou’rereachingforcompliments,you’renotgoingtofindthemhere.”
“Jeez,”Isay.“WhathappenedtothepleasantguyIhadChipotlewith?Orthefellawhocameovertomyhouseandwooedmymother?”
“He’sanact,justlikeIputonformybusinesspartners.”
“Wow.”Iclapforhim.“Welldone.Youreallyfooledmeintothinkingyouwereagenuinelyniceguy.”
“Iamnice,Ijustdon’tneedthepleasantrieswhenI’mworking.Iliketogetstraighttothepoint.”
“Isee.”Ismileathimandsay,“Ifyouwantthistoworkforyou,I’mgoingtoneedsomepleasantries.Iunderstandthisisbusiness,butyoudon’tneedtobeadick.Technically,we’repartnersinthisendeavor,despitethisallbeingyouridea.Soinsteadoftossingoutcommands,let’strysomethingalittledifferent,eh?Maybealittlepleaseandthankyou?”
Heglancesathiswatchandthenbackatme.“Wedon’thavetimeforyournonsensicalwayofconductingameeting.Andwe’vewastedtimejusttalkingaboutit.Bequiet,andjustlistentothebackstory.Retainit.Add,ifneedbe,butwedon’tneedthis…fluff.”
Aw,lookatthislittlerayofsunshineI’vecontractuallyattachedmyselfto.Luckyme.
“Now,ourbackstory.Focusandlistenup,becauseEllie,Dave’sfiancée,isfromGeorgia.”
Groaning,Ileanmyheadbackagainsttheheadrest.“You’resuchafreakingmoron…youknowthat?”
Whenhedoesn’tsayanythinginreply,Iliketobelievethathe’ssilentlyagreeingwithme.
***
“BeforeIforget…”Huxleyreachesovermetotheglovecompartmentandpullsoutasmallbox.Hehandsittome.“Here,wearit.”
Isn’theromantic?
Iopenthevelvetbox,revealingthebiggestdiamondI’veeverseen.It’sinanestofmorediamonds,andthediamond-encrustedbandisinabeautifulrosegold.
Mouthagape,Ipickitupandexamineitmoreclosely.“Whatonearthisthis?”
“Anengagementring,”hesayscasually.
“Uh,thisisn’tanengagementring,thisisanicerinkforafamilyoffive.”Ilookupathim.“Whatthehell,Huxley?Youexpectmetowearthis?”
“Yes.”
“Justlikethat—yes.Noreasoningbehindit?”Iask.
“Doyouneedreasoning?”
“Huxley,haveyoulookedatthisthing?”Iholditup,andIswear,itweighsatleastapound.
“Yes,Ipickeditout.OfcourseI’velookedatit.I’vestudieditverycloselytomakesuretherewerenoimperfections.”
“Andyouthinkthisisanappropriatering?”
Heshiftshisbodyandlooksatme.“You’refakeengagedtoabillionaire,Lottie.Thatringisverymuchappropriateforwhatsettlesinmybankaccount;anythinglesswouldbeajokeandunbelievable.Nowputitonyourgoddamnfingeranddon’ttakeitoff.”
Stunnedbytheedgeinhisvoice,Isettheboxdownandsliptheringonmyfinger.“Wow,wouldn’thaveguessedthiswouldbetheimmaculateproposalI’dgetoneday.Just‘putitonyourgoddamnfingeranddon’ttakeitoff.’Soromantic.”
Hegoestoopenhiscardoor,andIfollowsuit,buthesays,“Don’tgetout.”
“Don’tgetout?”Iask,confused.
“Yes,don’tgetout.”
“So…youwantmetostayinthecarthewholenight?Thatdefeatsthepurposeofthelasthour.”
Hedragshishandoverhisface.“StayinthecarsoIcangetthegoddamndoorforyou.”
Oh.
Inwardly,Ichuckleasheleaves,tensionsetinhisshoulders.Iwanttocallouta“sir,yes,sir”tohim,buthisdoorisalreadyshutandhe’sroundingthecar.Somethingrabidcrawleduphisasstoday.
Whenhewhipsopenmycardoor,heoffershishandtomeanddemands,“Holdmyhand.”
“Youcouldsayplease.”Hiseyesmurderouslynarrowinonme.Eep.“Ornot.”Itakehishand,andhehelpsmeoutofthecar.Iadjustmygreendress,lovingthefitofit,andheshutsthedoorbehindme.
Together,wewalkuptoagrandiosestonehousewherevinesclimbtheentirefa?ade.Whenwedrovethroughthegate,IalmostfeltasthoughweweretransportedintotheEnglishcountryside,withthewispy,overhangingtreesandstonewallthatlinesthegraveldriveway.VerySecretGardenesque.
“Whatdoyouthinkistheupkeeponthosevines?”
“Pleasedon’taskquestionslikethat,”Huxleysays.“Makesyousounduncultured.”
“Haveyouforgottenhowyoufoundme?Iwaspanningthestreetsforarichhusband.Scrapingthebottomofthebarrel,Hux.”
Heglancesdownatme.“I’dhardlysayyou’rethebottomofthebarrel.”
Iclutchmychest.“Oh,acompliment.IshallcherishitthroughoutthenightasIattempttoplayyourheart-eyed,pregnantfiancée.”
Heleadsmetothefrontofthehouseandringsthedoorbell.Heclutchesmyhandtightly,asifhe’safraidI’mgoingtorunaway.Trustme,I’vethoughtaboutit.Manytimes,onthedriveoverhere,Iconsideredpullingtheold“tuckandrollrightoutofthemovingcar,”buttwothingspreventedmefromperformingsuchanaction-heromove:one,Iwasworriedaboutroadrash,andtwo,theiron-cladcontractIsignedthatholdsmeaccountable.Basically,ifIdon’tfollowthrough,I’llloseeverything,andsowillmymom,Kelsey,andmyunbornchildren,stillchillinginmyladybits.
ButIdowonder—ishenervous?
Hedoesn’tlookasthoughheis.Thenagain,Idon’tthinkheknowshowtoshowemotion.He’ssostoic,completelydifferentthanthemanImetonthesidewalk,andthemanIhaddinnerwith.WhoistherealHuxleyCane?Apartofmewantstobelievethisemotionlessmanholdingmyhandisallanacttoprotectwhatrestsunderneaththatpuffedandproudchestofhis.
Thedoorsunlockandawaveofnerveshitsmelikeatidalwaveasthedooropens,revealingtwopeoplewhoaretheprimepictureofwealthysuburbanlife.DavestandstherewithhisarmwrappedaroundEllie’sshoulders,andshehasherhandpressedagainsthischest.
Smiling.Inlove.
Alldewy-like,withtheirperfectskinandteeth.
ReadytobepublishedinHomeandCountrymagazine.
Whoopensthedoorlikethat,likethere’saphotoopportunityontheotherside?Theylookpositivelyperfect.
Daveisincrediblyhandsome.Hehasthatwhole“blondhair,blueeyes,nerdyfinanceguy”vibegoingforhim,whileEllieisbasicallythemostgorgeouscreatureI’veeverseen.Highlightedblondehairthat’scurledinperfectwaves,framingherface.Hermakeupmakesherglow,andhersweetlittleredcapriswithwhiteflowytopjustgiveherthisangelicvibethatI’mtotallydigging.
“Welcometoourhome,”Davesayswithahugesmile.“We’resogladyoucouldmakeit.”
Thisisgoingtobeanincrediblylongnight.Icanfeelitalready.
DinnerinPleasantville—prettysurethisisn’ttheplacetolieback,patyourbelly,andsay,“Boy,Icouldn’tstuffanothertacoinmyface.”Andthenquicklygrabthelasttacobeforeit’stakenbackintothekitchen.
I’msousedtoeatingdinnerwithJeffwithhisnapkintuckedintothecollarofhisshirtandMom,wholikestogiveustherundownonthelatestcelebritygossip—whichsheclaimsshedoesn’tpayattentionto—thatI’mnotsureI’mgoingtoremembermymanners,likeelbowsoffthetable,smalltalkthatdoesn’trevolvearoundasurprisemolethatwasfoundonone’sback,orwhatkindofchickenbonewastossedoverthefencebyourgrotesqueneighbors.
“Thankyousomuchforhavingus,”Huxleysaysinapleasantvoicethatnearlystartlesmeoutofmydesignersandals.“ThisisLottie.Lottie,thisisDaveandEllie.”
Davestepsupandoffersmehishand.Itakeitashesays,“Lottie,it’ssuchapleasuretomeetyou.”
“Thepleasureisallmine,”Isay,becausethat’swhatpeoplesayinmovies,whenreally,Ihavezeropleasureinmeetingthisman.It’sactuallytheoppositeofpleasure.It’s…it’s…displeasure.Yup.It’sadispleasuretomeethim.“And,Ellie,it’ssogreattomeetsomeoneelsewho’spregnant.Allmyfriendsareinacompletelydifferentstageoftheirlives.”
“Itotallygetit,”Elliesays,shakingmyhand.“I’minabitofthesameposition.Comein,comein.Wecantalksomemore.”
IturnbackaroundtotakeHuxley’shandandcatchthesmallestglintofappreciationinhiseyesaswewalkintothehouse.
Hmm…maybehe’llbenicertomenow.ChapterSeven
HUXLEY
“Ihateyou,”Lottiewhispersintomyearasshestandsfromthetable,herhandlovinglycaressingmyshoulderasshewalksby.
“Thankyou,babe,”Isay.Ikeepmyeyesonherasshetakesmyglassandheadsintothekitchenforarefill.Notafanof“servingherman,”asElliesaid.Gotit.
Lottiedoesn’tseemtobeafanofmuch.
Ifitweren’tforherbrilliantabilitytoslaponasmileandactinterestedinEllieandDave’slovestory,IknowI’dfindanunwaveringscowl,agauntletofsarcasticcomments,andmaybeatossofherangryhandshereandthere.
She’saspitfire.Foralittlepackage,shepacksapowerfulpunch.
Itwashardtokeepastraightfaceinthecarwhenshekeptgettingirritatedwithme.ButIassumedfindinghumorinherannoyancewasn’tgoingtowinmeanypoints.
“She’sgreat,”Davesays.“Icanseewhyyourgrandmaintroducedyou.AndEllieseemstolikeheralot.”
“Yeah,I’mprettylucky,”Isay,meaningthat.Iamaluckymotherfucker,thatinsuchashortamountoftime—fourdays,tobeexact—Iwasabletofindsomeonewhohadnoproblemsteppingintotheroleofpregnantfiancéeandhelpingmeout.
Suchaluckymotherfucker.
Lottiewalksbackintotheroomwithaglassofwaterinherhandandasmileonherfaceasshesashaystowardme.Thatdress,yeah,it’sfuckingperfectonher.IknewshehadgreattitsfromthefirsttimeImether,butseeingtheminthisdress?They’rereallyfuckingnice.Notbigatall,buttheperfectsize,lessthanahandful.Andwithherhairfloatingaroundhershouldersinloosewaves,abeautifulchestnutcolor,shereallyisgorgeous.LikeIsaid,aluckymotherfucker.
Shehandsmetheglassandthentakesaseat.Ileanintoherearandask,“Didyouspitinthis?”
Sheleansincloseandwhispersback,“IfElliewasn’thelpingme,Iwould’velickedtherim,spitinthewater,andthenaddedvinegarasadelicioustouch.”
IpullawayandsayalittleloudersoDavecanhearme,“You’reperfect.”
Herhandreachesuptomycheekandsherubsmythickscruff.“Iknow.”
Davelaughsloudly,whileElliegiggles.“Perfectresponseforsuchapowerfulman,”Davesays.“I’veknownHuxleyforafewyearsnowandhethinkshighlyofhimself,asheshouldbecauseoftheempirehe’sputtogether,buttonotreplywithhe’sperfect…thatmakesmyday.”
I’msureitdoes,Dave.
Lottiesmilesatme,andIcanseeawickedgleaminhereyeassheturnstowardDaveandEllie.“Iknowhe’dkillmeifIsaidthis…”
Sodon’tfuckingsayit.
“But,he’sfarfromperfect.”Leaningforward,shesays,“Themandoesn’tknowhowtopickuphissocksandputtheminthehamper.”
ElliegaspsandthenpointsatDave.“Davetoo.”
Daveraiseshishandwithacoylook.“Guilty.ButI’vegottenbetter.Thenagginghasworked.”
“Hmm,maybeIshouldnagmore,”Lottiesays.Herhandfallstomythigh,herfingernailsapplyingmorepressurethanIcarefor,especiallyasshedragsherhandfarthernorth.Hey,there,watchit.“Whatdoyouthink,Hux?Caretodealwithanaggingfiancée?”
“IthoughtIalreadywas,”Ianswerwithawink,lettingDaveandEllieknowI’monlyteasingher.
“Isn’thecharming?”Lottieasks.“It’swhatwonmeover,hisinherentcharmthatjustkeepscoming.That,andmygrandmasaidhewasasadandlonelymanwhoneededsomefuninhislife.”
Don’tcareforthat.Icanseewe’relettingloose.Gettingcomfortable.
Thatslightlyterrifiesme,becauseLottieisnodoubtaloosecannon.
“Aren’tweallsadandlonely?”Daveasks,shakinghishead.“Thisbusinesscanbeincrediblycutthroat.Brutal,attimes.Havingsomeonetocomehometoatnight,someoneloving,someonewhodoesn’twanttotalkbusinessbutwantstotalkaboutus,aboutourrelationship…”HeliftsEllie’shandandkissesthebackofit.“That’swhatIwant.It’swhatIneeded.I’msureyou’rethesameway,”Davesaystome.
Uh-huh,yup,totally.
Inod.“Longnightsattheofficehavebrokenmedown.Ididn’tknowhowmuchIneededLottieuntilshemagicallyappearedinmylife.”
Elliesighs.“Aren’ttheythebest?”sheasksLottie.
“Totally,”Lottieanswerswithanauseatingsmile.
“So,whenareyoutwotyingtheknot?”Ellieasks.“Findingavenuerecentlyhasbeentough.Haveyouhadahardtime?”
IsetdownmyglassofuntouchedwaterandplacemyhandonLottie’sleg.“Wewerethinkingabouthavingsomethingsmall,maybeinmybackyard.”
“Ugh,thatwouldbethedream,”Elliesays.“ButDave,overhere,hasamotherwhodemandsthefanfareofaceremonyandreception.Shewantsthebellsandwhistlesforherson.Fromtheliveband,tothesparklersattheendofthenight,tothedessertbarthatoffersmorecookiesthananyonehaseverseen.”Sheleansinandsays,“Granted,I’mthrilledaboutthecookies,buttheotherstuff,allthepeople,itmakesmenervous.”
“Yes,butI’llbetherewithyou,sweetheart,”Davesayscalmly.“Ipromise,it’llbejustyouandme.”
SeeingthissideofDaveis…enlightening.Nowonderweweren’tconnectingonabusinesslevel.He’ssensitive.NotsomethingIwasexpectinggoingintomeetingswithhim.NotanapproachItook.Instead,Ispokebusiness,Italkednumbers,butjustfromspendingthistimewithhimtonight,I’mseeinghe’smorethanjustnumbers.Hehasaheart,andclearlymystraight-talkapproachdoesn’tworkforhim.Hewantstoseetheheartofthedeal.
Rollseyes.
Fuckinghatethatshit.
Thisisbusiness.Taketheemotionoutofit.It’seitheragoodfinancialdealorabaddeal.Iteitherbenefitsyoufinanciallyoritdoesn’t.Ifit’snotaviablebusinessdecision,moveon.
Believeme,whatwe’reofferingDavebenefitshimgreatly.
“Whatwouldyourdreamweddingbe?”Lottieasksasshecrossesherlegandleansintowardme.It’sthelittletouchesofhersthatIappreciate.Thebodylanguage,theglancesinmydirection,theconstanthandsomewhereonmyperson.She’sgoodatwhatshe’sdoing,andIdon’tknowifIshouldbepleasedorterrified.
ElliemeetsDave’sgazeandsmilescharminglyathim.“Iwouldlovetogetmarriedoutonaboat.DaveproposedtomeinMalibu,atsunset,onthewater,andthatmomenthasbeenengrainedinmymindasutterperfection.I’dlovetorentayachtandjusthaveourparentsattendtheceremony.Kissashusbandandwifejustasthesunsets.”
“Thenwhynotdothat?”Lottieasks.Ishiftinmyseatandgripherlegtighter,notwantinghertostartanysortoffightbetweenthecouple.ElliealreadystatedDave’sfamilywastheonepressuringthemtohaveabigwedding.Draggingupwhatseemstobeanuncomfortabletopiccan’tbegoodforanyone.ButLottiedoesn’tseemtogetthehint,orrather,shedoesn’tseemtocare,becausesheremovesmyhandfromherlegandslipsherhandinsideminewhilekeepingasmileonherface.
“Whatdoyoumean?”Ellieasks.
“Isthefoodalmosthere?”Iask,cuttingintotrytochangethesubject.“Can’tbelettingmygirlgethangry.”IpointtowardLottie.“Happenswiththisone.”
DavechucklesandpointsatEllie.“Thisonetoo.”
EllieplayfullyknocksawayDave’shandandthenturnstoLottieagain.“Areyousayingweshouldhavetwoweddings?”
Backtothis?Hell.
“Whynot?”Lottieasks.“Imean,itseemsasthoughthisisaveryspecialmomentforDave’sparents,andIcompletelyrespectthat.”Lottieplacesherhandonherstomachandsays,“Whenthislittleonegetsmarried,trustme,I’llbeorderingaskywriterandabillboardtoleteveryoneknowthatmybabyistyingtheknot.ButIwonderifyouguyscoulddoasmall,intimateceremony,justyou,andthenmaybeeventhenextday,youhavetheceremonythat’sbeingplanned.”Lottieshrugs.“Iguesssomethingtojustthinkabout.Thatwayeveryoneishappy.”
DaveturnstoEllieandasks,“Wouldthatmakeyouhappy,sweetheart?”
Elliesmilesandnods.“Itwould,actually.I’dreally,reallylovethat.”
WhenLottieturnstome,shehasthebiggestfuckyoulookonherface.AndhereIthoughtIwasthecockyone.
“ThenI’llspeakwithmymomandtellherourplans.She’llhavetobeokaywiththat.”
EllieexcitedlykissesDavejustasthedoorbellrings.“Foodishere.Willyougetthat,Dave?LottieandIcanheadintothediningroom.”
“Ofcourse.”
“I’llhelpyou,”IsaytoDaveasIrisefrommychairandthenofferassistancetoLottie,whothankfullytakesit.
EllielinksherarmwithLottie’sandsays,“I’msogladImetyou.”
Togethertheyheadtowardthediningroom,whileDavegripsmebytheshoulderandguidesmetowardthefrontdoor.“Ihavetotellyou,Idon’tthinkI’veeverseenElliethisexcited.Lottie,man,she’ssomethingelse.Yourgrandmawassmart,settingyouupwithher.Shesmoothsoutyourroughedges,andshebringslightintotheroom.She’squitethecatch.”
Ifonlyheknew.
But,hell,Ihavetogivecreditwherecreditisdue—Lottieisabsolutelykillingittonight.
She’smorethanacatch,she’sabsoluteperfection.
***
“So,howfaralongareyou?”Ellieasks.“I’massumingnotveryfar,sinceyoudon’tseemtobeshowingatall.”
“Eightweeks,”Lottiesaysandthennudgesmewithhershoulder.“Thisguyshouldn’tbetellinganyone,butheseemstoletitslipmorethanheshould.”
WedevouredourChipotle,thegirlsactuallyfinishingtheirmealsfirst.IfIdidn’tknowanybetter,I’dthinkLottiewaspregnantfromthewaysheunapologeticallymatchedEllie’sravenousappetite.Nowwe’resittingoutback,afirepitburningbetweenus,Lottieandmeinoneloveseat,DaveandEllieinanother.Lottieiscurledagainstmysidewithherhairticklingmycheekandherhandrestingonmychest.Shereallyissuchalittlething;shefitsperfectlyplasteredagainstme.NotthatI’deveradmitthistoher—becausetalkabouttheworldoffuckingpainitwouldbetohearherboast—butshefeelsgoodcurledagainstme.
Apparently,I’veforgottenwhatit’sliketohaveafemalecompanion,notthatI’vereallyeverhadone,butI’vedatedhereandthere,andhavingthatfemininetouch,theattention,yeah…it’snice.
“Ihadahardtimekeepingthenewsquiettoo,”Davesays.“Whenyoufindoutyourgirlispregnant,it’shardnottoshoutitfromtherooftops.”
“Same,”Isay.“Ijustcan’tseemtokeepmymouthshut.”
“Haveyouboughtanythingforthebaby?”Ellieasks.
“Notyet.ButI’velookedatafewcribsfromPotteryBarnthatcaughtmyattention.Mysisterisallaboutsustainability,andPotteryBarnmakesalotoftheirfurniturefromrepurposedwood.”
“Oh,wow,Ilovethat.Dave,weshouldlookatPotteryBarn.”
“Anythingyouwant,sweetheart.”
Daveissuchayes-manwhenitcomestoEllie.Wishhewasayes-manwithbusinesstoo.MaybeIshouldbutterhimupwithsomeofEllie’stactics.
WhatmybrotherswouldfuckingdoiftheysawmecurledupagainstDave’sarmpit,slowlystrokinghisthighwhilenuzzlingmyheadintohim.
Also…wasLottiereallylookingatcribs?Idoubtshe’dsayanythingthatisn’ttrueoutoffearofbeingcalledout.So,howthehelldoessheknowaboutrepurposed-woodcribs?
“Didyouhearthat?”Lottieasksme.“DaveisgoingtogiveEllieanythingshewants.Isitthesamewithus?”Lottiepatsmychestwithherhandandlooksupatme.She’sinchesaway,andIknowifIwereanoutsiderlookingin,wewould100%looklikeacouple.AllbecauseofLottie.
“Youknowyoucanhavewhateveryouwant,”Irespond.“WhendoIeversayno?”
Herfingerplayswiththebuttonsonmyshirt.“Justlastnight,whenIaskedfor—”
“Notaroundcompany,”Isay,notsurewhatshewasgoingtosay,butwantingtocutitoffbeforeitbecomessomethingitshouldn’t.Lottieisawildcardandshe’sbeenonherbestbehaviorallnight;Icouldseethepotentialofherslippingsoon.
Davechuckles.“BestwegograbdessertwhileLottieconvincesHuxleytoperform…whateveritisshewants.”
“Mightbebest,”Lottiesayswithawink.
DaveandEllieretreatinsidethehouse.Whenthedoorclicksshut,Lottiestaysinplace,butthesweetnessinhertonedissipatesasshesays,“Idon’tappreciateyousqueezingmylegwhenyouthinkI’mabouttosaysomethingwrong.I’mgoingtohavebruises.”
“Don’tbedramatic.”
Herfingerplayswiththesideofmycheek,hernailscrapingagainstmyscruff.“I’mreallycarryingtheteamoverhere.NowonderDavedoesn’twanttodobusinesswithyou.You’relikeadeadfishinabutton-upshirt.”
Mybrowsnarrow.“I’mnotadeadfish.”
“Uh,it’slikepullingteethtogetyoutoshowsomepersonality.Seriously,where’sChipotleguy?HewaswaymorefunthantheoneI’vebeenpettingallnight.”
“Youhaven’tbeenpettingme.”
“Feelslikeit.”Herfingertugsonmylowerlip.“Arewegoingtohavetokissatsomepoint?BecauseI’mreallynotinterestedinthat.KissingadeadfishisreallynotanactivityI’dcaretopartakein.”
“I’mnotagoddamndeadfish,”Iseethe.
“Could’vefooledme,”shesays.“Youbarelyevenlaugh.Thathelps,youknow—laughing,interacting.Makingajokeonoccasion.Iknowhe’sabusinessassociate,butlightenup,man.Sheesh.”
“Howaboutweleavethebusinessinteractionstome,andyoujustkeepdoingwhateveritisyou’redoing?”
“Oh,makingyoulookmorelikeablebecauseyouhadenoughsenseinthatpea-sizedbrainofyourstoaskmetofakemarryyou?”
“You’refoultobearound,”Isay.
Hereyebrowsshootupandthenhereyesgrowroundwithanger.“I’mfoultobearound?Uh,hellopot,it’skettle…you’reblack.Also,I’mnotsurehowIcouldbefoultobearoundwhenclearlyI’mthelifeofthisborderlineHallmarkmoviewe’vebeenlivinginthepasttwohours.”Stillwhispering,shesays,“I’mtwenty-eightyearsold,andI’mhavingtotalkaboutmarriage,babies,andwhatkindoflinensIliketouseonmybed.Shoot.Me.Now.”
“Thentalkaboutsomethingyoulike,”Isay.
“Oh,youwantmetodothat?ShallIdiscussthelatestdildoIpurchasedfromanexoticwebsite?BecauseithasasuctioncupandIloveusingitintheshower.”
Jesus.
Christ.
Ishiftinmyseatandturnmoretowardher.“Donotbringthatup.”
Shesmirks.“ButIthoughtyouwantedmetotalkaboutwhatIwantedtotalkabout.”
“Thisiswhyyou’refoultobearound.”
“Comingfromtheonewiththestickuptheirass.”Hereyestraveltomylipsandthenbackup.“You’reunpleasant.”
“You’reunhinged.”
“Youopenyourmouthandputpeopletosleep,”shesnapsback.
“You’reobnoxious.”
“You’reanass.”
“You’rebawdy.”
“You’reimperious.”
“Aww,lookatthem,”Elliesays,comingbackoutside.“They’resocute,aren’tthey,Dave?”
“Theydolookquiteperfectforeachother.”
Ifonlytheyknew.
IsmileatLottieandstrokethesideofherfacelovinglybeforeturningtowardEllieandDaveandthetrayofminitriflecupsthey’recarrying.
“Imeanttomakepeachcobbler,butjustyesterdaypeachesstartedtomakemesicktomystomach,soIhopeeveryonelikesstrawberryshortcake.”EllieturnstoLottie.“Lottie,I’llhavetosharetherecipewithyou.It’stodiefor.”
Lottieliftsoffme,butstillkeepsherhandtouchingmyleg.“I’dabsolutelylovethat,Ellie.”Lottiesqueezesmylegtightlyasshesitsup,andIknowexactlywhatthatsqueezemeans.
She’dratherbecaughtdeadthantraderecipeswithEllie.
***
Doyouknowwhat’sbeentheworstpartofthisevening?
Nothavingtododgecouples’questionsfromEllieleftandright.
NothavingtopretendtotouchLottie’sflatstomachonoccasion,likeDavedoestoEllie’sslightlyroundedone.
AndnothavingtoseeamanIrespectedintheboardroomshrinktoashellofamanwhofallsinlinewitheverythingElliehastosay.
NorisittheideathatLottiehasagoddamnsuction-cupdildothatsheusesintheshowerfloatingaroundinmyhead.
Icanhandleallofthat.
WhatIcan’thandleisnotbeingabletocashinononeminuteofalonetimewithDave.Ihaven’tbeenabletotalkaboutthedealonce.Ihaven’tevenbeenabletomentionit,becauseit’snotsomethingI’ddoaroundEllieandLottie.Businessshouldbekeptseparatefrom“familytime,”butIthoughtIwould’vebeenabletosneakawaywithDaveatsomepoint.ButeverywhereIlook,ElliehasherclawsdugintoDave,andhe’sthehappiestmotherfuckeraboutit.
Ellieyawns.“Oh,whatanight.I’vehadsuchawonderfultime.”
“Metoo.”Lottieyawnsaswellandthenpatsmychest.“Butweshouldprobablygetgoing.Wedon’twanttokeepyoufromgettingthatimportantbeautyrest…right,Dave?”
Davelaughsandnods.“Ohyes,Lottie,youknowIneedthatbeautyrestorI’llbeanightmaretolookatinthemorning.”
“I’dsayintimidationisneverabadthingforamaninyourposition,”Lottiesays,“butafterspendingtheeveningwithyou,I’mgoingtoassumethat’snotyourMO.”
“You’dbecorrect.Veryperceptive,Lottie.”
Shepretendstobow.“Thankyou.”Andthensheturnstome.“Areyouready,sweetcheeks?”
Don’tcareforthatnickname,either.
“I’mready.”Istandfrommychairandholdoutmyhand,andshetakesitsoIcanhelpherupaswell.IthenturntoDaveandoffermyhandforashake,realizingthisistheendofthenightandwehaven’tdiscussedagoddamnthing.“Dave,thankyouforhavingusovertonight.ItwasapleasuregettingtoknowEllie.”
“Sogladyoutwocouldmakeit.”
Theyleadusthroughthehouse,andwhenwereachthedoor,ElliegivesLottieahugandDaveoffersmeanotherhandshake.It’sallsodomestic,so…suburban.Anditmakesmefeelclaustrophobic.Mythroatclosesuponme,andwhileLottiegivesthemanothergoodbye,Ijustnodandwalktomycartoopenthedoorforher.Myhandfallstoherbackasshegetsin,andthenIshutthedooronceshe’ssettled.
Iroundthehoodandthengetin.DaveandElliestandatthedoor,connectedatthehipastheysmileatus.Ifthatiswhathavingafiancéeinvolves—thatdomesticity,docility—I’msogladtherewillneverbeanythinglikethatbetweenmeandLottie.Neverbeanythinglikethat,period.
IstartthecarandofferonemorewavebeforeIroundthecirculardrivewayandheaddownthegravelpath,finallyabletoletoutadeepbreath.
SodoesLottie,butsheslouchesinherseatandsays,“IfeelasifIcanfinallyunclench.”Asmirkpullsatmylips.“Thatwas…unreal,thatentireexperience.IfeltasthoughItransportedintoanotherbodyandthatbodycontrolledmyeverywordandaction.BecauseifIwould’vebeeninmyownbody,Iwould’vesnatchedEllie’sshortcakerightoutofherhandaftergivingherakneetotheheadtomakesureshedoesn’ttakeitback.Thatshitwasgood.Reallygood.Ifeltferaleatingit.AndthefactthatElliesaidshe’dsharetherecipewithme?No,Idon’twanttherecipe,Iwantsomeonetomakeitforme.”
“I’mgladyoudidn’tkneeherinthefaceformore.”
“Shewaseatingitsoslow.Isweartheyweredoingsomesortofsexualgameinfrontofus.”
“Theywerenotperformingasexualgameinfrontofus,”Isay,debunkingthatthoughtquickly.
“Areyousureaboutthat?Wereyoupayingattention?Becauseyoureallyfeltlikearobotbackthere.Shewastotallylickingthespoonsexuallyandthenglancingathim.Isawhimshiftinhisseatafewtimes.Betyouanythingthey’vealreadystrippedoutoftheirclothesandarefuckingagainsttheentrywaydoorrightnow.Although,Davedoesn’tseemlikethetypethatfucksagainstthedoor.”Sheconsidersthisandthenadds,“Butit’sactuallyusuallythesilentoneswhoaretotalfreaksinbed.”Sheturnstowardme.“You’resilent—areyouafreakinbed?”
“Notsomethingyouneedtoworryabout,”Ianswer.
“God,”shegroansinfrustration.“Thanksfortheevasiveanswer.I’lldrawmyownconclusionsthen,andI’mguessingyouhaveateenyweenieanddon’tknowhowtouseit.”
Igripthesteeringwheelmoretightly.“Howaboutwedon’ttalk?”
Ineedtosulk,stewsilentlyonthedrive.BecausehereIwas,goingtoabusinessmeeting,thinkingI’mabouttoscoreadeal,andnotoncedidwespeakaboutbusiness;instead,wespokeaboutthedifferentvariationsofthecolorcream,theimpactasimpleruginadiningroomcanhave,andthedifferentwaystoserveavocadotoast.Christ.
“Oh,Istruckachord.Youdohaveateenyweenie.That’sprobablywhyyou’resingleandspendsomuchtimeintheoffice,whyyoudidn’thaveacatalogueofgirlstoasktohelpyouout,buthadtofindarandomgirlonthestreets.Thisisallmakingsomuchsense.”
“Lottie,enough.”
Butshedoesn’tstop.
“Yourealizeyoucancatchmoreflieswithhoney,right?Youcanadjustyourattitude.We’repartnersinthisendeavor,afterall.HowwouldyoulikeitifItookyoualongtoafunctionofmineandspoketoyouthewayyouspeaktome?”
Idon’tanswer.Instead,IthinkbacktothewayDaveseemedsocomfortable.So…inhisplace.Notthathe’sawkwardatmeetings,buthedoesn’tseemcomfortable,ever.Almostuneasy,untrusting.Butsittinginhisbackyard,withEllierightnexttohim,heletdownhisguard.
“I’msureyouwouldn’ttakekindlytosuchanattitude.Youshouldreallyspeaktoothersthewayyouwanttobespokento.Idon’tthinkthat’stoomuchtoaskfor.Andwhileyou’reatit,treatothersthewayyouwanttobe—”
“Canyoujustshupupforagoddamnsecond?”Iask,mymindracing,tryingtoputtogetherthepieces.
“Excuseme?”sheasks,foldingherarms.“Wouldyoucaretorephrasethat?Becauseunlessyouwantmetomarchbacktotheirhouseandflashthemanegativepregnancytest,I’dchangeyourattitude.”
“You’reincontract.”
“Andguesswhat?Ithinkmyfamilywouldratherusloseeverything,thanformetobeverballyattackedbyanasshole.I’mahuman,Huxley,treatmelikeone,”shesnapsatmeandthenturnsinherseatsoshe’snotlookingatmeatall,butratheroutthewindow.
Fuck.
Guiltswarmsme,becauseshe’sright.
Sheisahumanandshedidafuckinggreatjobtoday.I’mnotgenerallyanasshole.Iknowhowtobecivil,sowhyhaveIthrownoutalldecorumwhenitcomestoLottie?
Iglanceoverather.She’sclosedoff;there’snothingIcansayrightnowthatwillpenetratethewallshe’serected,soinsteadoftryingtodeliversomehalf-heartedapology,Istaysilentfortherestofthecarride,stewinginmyownthoughtsandrelivingthenight.
Daveseemstobehismostreceptivewhenathome,whenwithEllie,buthealsoclearlywon’ttalkbusinesstheneither.SohowcanIcombinethetwo?
NormallyIwouldn’tchaseadeallikethis.Ineverhave,really.Infact,I’veneverhadtolienorbeacompleteassholetoanyonetoachievemygoals.Butwithmyeyessetontheten-million-dollarprofitthisdealwillprocure,there’snostopping,asfarasI’mconcerned.CaneEnterprisesneedsthoseproperties.Thatisthepriority.
Theywillbeminebytheendofthis,Iguaranteeit.ChapterEight
LOTTIE
Ihatehim.
Ihatehimsomuch.
HereIam,performingmyassoff,caringaboutthedifferencebetweenfrozenspinachandfreshspinachasEllietellsmeallaboutherspinachballsthatDavelikessomuch.Ilistenwithasmile,respondwiththoughtfulquestions,andevendelightinexchangingemailssoshecansendme,asshesaid,“alloftherecipes.”
AndwhatdoIgetattheendofthenightfromHuxley?
Areyouthinkingathankyou?
Possiblyagoodjob?
I’mnotlookingforacelebrationofmyaccomplishments,butI’dappreciatealittlebitofkindness.
Butitseemsasthoughkindnessisn’tpartofHuxleyCane’srepertoire.
That’sfine.Totallycool.Because,guesswhat?Iknowwhattoexpectnow.
Whichwouldbenothing.
Ishouldexpectnothingfromhim.
SilencefillsthecaraswemakeourwaythroughBeverlyHills.Huxleyfliesthroughthestreets,onehandonthesteeringwheel,theotheronthegearshift,disregardingeveryspeedlimitstatedonthesideoftheroad.AndwhenIglanceoverathim,Inoticethetightgripofhishandonthefinelyconditionedleather,thesteelofhisjaw,andthepinchbetweenhisbrow.Whatthehellishesodisconcertedabout?I’mtheonewhohasbeenthrownthroughthewringertoday.
Hejustsatthereanddictated.
Annoyedwithhim,Ikeepmyeyesforwardaswebegintoslowdown.Wepullupinfrontofalarge,woodengate.Hepressesabuttononthevisorofhiscar,andthegateslowlyopenstotheright,intoawhitestonewallcoveredbyvines.Ofcourse.
Ahh,thismustbehomesweethome.Inmyhead,hehassomeostentatioushousewithpillars,obnoxiouslylargefountains,goldfixtures,andmarbleeverywhere,evenonthewalls,becausehecanaffordit,butasweturnintothedriveway,I’mcompletelysurprisedbythehousethatcomesintoview.Acoastal-lookingwhitehousewithblack-framedwindows,large,southern-lookinglampsflankingeachsideofthemaindoor,andasimpleblacktinroof.
ThiswasnotwhatIwasexpectingatall.
It’schic.
Modern.
Instyle.
Nothingostentatiousaboutitotherthanthesize.
Huxleyparksthecarjustassomeonestepsuptohiscardoorandopensitforhim.“Mr.Cane,welcomehome.”
“Thankyou,Andre.”Huxleyhandshimthekeys.“Everythingallset?”
“Yes,sir.”
“Thankyouforstayinglate.Youcanheadhome.”
“I’llparkyourcarinthegarageandplugitinfirst.Haveagoodnight.”
“Youtoo,”Huxleysays,andexcusemewhileIpickupmyjawbecause…howcomeAndregetsspokentolikeanormalpersonandIdon’t?
Huxleyopensmydoorformeandthenholdsouthishand,butsincewe’renolongerundertheeyesofDaveandEllie,Iignorehishelpandattempttoshutthecardoor,hisgriponthetopofthedoorpreventingmefromdoingso.
“Whatthehellareyoudoing?”heasks.
“Icanopenandshutthedoormyself.”
Leaninginclose,hesays,“AndIhavestaffaroundthehousethatwillbewatchingusinteract,soyouneedtoactlikeyou’remyfiancée.”
“Uh,excuseme?”Iask.“Thatwasn’tpartofthedeal.”
“Didyoureadtheentirecontract?”
Thatgodforsakencontract.Howmanytimesisitgoingtocomebackandbitemeintheass?
“OfcourseIdid.”
Ididn’t.
Whoreallyreadscontractsthesedays?Lawyers,that’swho.Ireadtheimportantparts—atleast,IthoughtIdid.Therewasasectionaboutstaff,butIbreezedoverit.Ithoughtitwasjustabouthowhehasstaffthatworksforhim,so,Idon’tknow…bekind.Somethinglikethat.
“Thenyou’dhavenoticedthatsection.Andreismytrustedright-handman,heknowsofourarrangement,buthe’stheonlyone.”
“Doesn’tyourstaffhaveNDAs?”Iask.
“Yes,butthingsalwaysseemtoslip.We’vefiredafewstaffmembersfortippingoffthemedia,soIstilldon’tfullytrusteveryoneinmyhouse.”
“Seemsstupidtome.”Ireluctantlytakehishand.“Allowingthesestrangerstocomeintoyourhouseandtakecareofyou,butyoudon’ttrustthem.Yeah,reallyintelligent.”
“ThereareveryfewpeopleItrust.”
“Doyoutrustme?”Iaskaswewalktowardhisgrandentrance.Theblackdoorfeelsincrediblyintimidatingdespitethepottedflowerswelcomingyou.
“No,”heanswerswithoutthought.
“Wow,that’s…that’sfuckedup.”
“Ibarelyknowyou.WhywouldItrustyou?”HeopensthefrontdoorandI’mgreetedbyanexpansiveentryway,lightblondfloors,whitewalls,andastraightshotallthewaytothebackofthehouse,wherethelargestslidingglassdoorsI’veeverseenopentoabeautifullylit-uppoolanddreamybackyardwithenoughfoliagetoblockouttheneighboringproperties.Heplaceshishandonmybackandsays,“Youneedtoearnmytrust.”
Iglanceupathimandsay,“You’renottheonlyonewhoneedstrusttobeearned.”
“You’dbeaterriblebusinesswomanifyouofferedupyourtrustrightaway.Irespectyoumoreformakingmeearnit.”
“Oh,yay,Iearnedyourrespect,”IsaysarcasticallyasIwalkintothehouse.Itakeintheimpersonaldécorandthecalculatedplacementofeachitem.Largevases,sleek-lookingbowls,andfoliageofferthelackofpersonalizationI’mtalkingabout.Heprobablydoesn’tevenknowhalfofthesedecorationsexist.
Pasttheentryway,thehouseopensupintoagreatroomwithvaultedceilingscoveredinwhiteshiplapandlightlystainedwoodenbeams.Thehouseisdevoidofanycolor,onlydecoratedinvariationsofwhite,withpopsofblackandgreenhereandtherefromaplantI’msurehedoesn’tbotherwateringhimself.Thekitchenismassive.Theislandtraversestheentirelengthofthekitchen,withmarblecountertopsandblackcabinets,buttheuppersandlowersaroundthekitchenwallsarewhitewithmodern,blackhardware.It’sanabsolutedreamkitchen,andI’mprettysureifKelseysawthishouse,she’dbedrooling.
“You’rewelcometoanythinginthekitchen.Mychefpreparespremademealsandputstheminthefridge.Ifyou’veanyrequests,justletmeknow,andI’llmakesurethey’reprepared.”
“Icangetmyownfood.”
“DoIneedtoremindyou,you’remyfiancée?”
Iturntowardhimandcatchhimwithhishandsinhispockets,lookingsomewhatvulnerableasItakeinhishouse.Ileaninandwhisper,“Fakefiancée.”
Ignoringmycomment,hesays,“Nothingisofflimitsinthehouse.What’smineisyours.”
“Oh,sonothreattostayoutofthewestwing?”
Hisbrowknitsinconfusion.
“Youknow,likefromBeautyandtheBeast.”
“AreyoucomparingmetotheBeast?”
“Notquite.Heseemedtohavemoremannerswhendealingwithhiscaptive.”
“Idon’tfindthatamusing.”
“Shocking,”Isayandwalkovertothefridge.IpullopenoneoftheenormousSub-Zerodoors.Justlikehesaid,therearemealsfullypreparedandstuckinthefridgewithdatesmarkedonthetop.Man,thekindofthingsmoneycangetsomeone.“LikeBrusselsprouts,doyou?”Iask,seeingalotoftheminthecontainers.
“They’regoodforyou.”
“SoI’veheard.”Ishutthefridgeandthenask,“Where’smyroom?”Andthenithitsme.“Uh,wait…arewegoingtohavetosharearoom?”Iholdupmyhand.“Becausethat’swhereIputmyfootdown.There’snowayI’msharingabedwithyou.Ineedmyownspace.”
“Thisway,”hesays,walkingtowardthestaircasejustoffthegrandlivingroom.
“Thatwasn’tananswer.Arewesleepinginthesamebed?I’mgoingtotellyourightnow,youwon’twantto.Iliketosleepnaked.”
“Notahardshipforme,”hemuttersashewalksupthestairs.
“Wasthatacompliment?”Iask,trailingbehindhim.“AreyousayingIhaveanicebody?Wait…itdoesn’tmatterifyoudid.Don’tbeapervert.”
“I’mnotbeingapervert.You’retheonewhobroughtupthenakedthing.”
“I’mtryingtotellyouwhyI’mnotagoodpartnerinbed.”Ipauseandthensay,“Wait,Ididn’tmeanthat.I’mareallygoodpartnerinbed.Iknowhowtomakeamansingtothehighheavenswiththesehands.Miracleworkers,they’vebeencalledbefore.I’magoodpartnerinthesexualaspect,therealdeal.Amazingatgivinghead,incaseyouwerewondering.”
“Iwasn’t.”
“Well,Iam.AndI’mverycomfortablewithmysexuality.Veryadventurous.Butwhenitcomestoactuallysleeping—notsex,butsleeping—that’swhenthingsgohaywire.I’merratic.I’llsleepsidewaysinbed.IhavenoproblemkickingsomeonetogetthemoutofthewayandIdon’tcuddle.So,youknow…sharingabedandaroomwithyouisn’tagreatidea.”
Whenwereachthetopofthestairs,heturnsrightandheadsdownalonghallway.
“Didyouhearme?”
“Iheardyou.”
Icatchuptohim.“Thenhowcomeyou’renotansweringme?”
“Becauseyourincessantchatterisannoyingme.”
“Wow,youreallyaresuchanasshole,”Isayasheopensadoorontheleft.
IstepintotheroomandI’mimmediatelytransfixedbythemodern,light-stainedfour-posterbed,whichclaimstheattentionoftheroomwithitssoftwhitelinensandfluffypillows.Atthefootofthebedisabenchwithpillows,andacrossfromthebedisafireplacewithtwomid-centurymodernblackchairsangledtowardtheflames.Offtotherightisanensuitebathroom,whichI’msureisdeckedoutinmarblelikethekitchen.Butwhat’sreallycatchingmyeyeisthedresserunderthelargewindowthatoverlooksthefrontyard.Becauseontopofitaremythreedildos.Onepink,onepurple,andthesuctioncupdickIrecentlypurchased.
DearChrist,whatarethosedoingout?Andwhothehelltouchedthem?
IglanceoveratHuxley,andtomylackoffortune,he’sstaringatmypleasurecollectionaswell.
“Didyourstaffunpackmythings?”
“Theydid,”hesays.
“Seemsasthoughtheycameacrossmyladytoys.”
“Isthatwhatyoucallthem?”heasks.
“Icouldsaydildosifthatmakesyoufeelmorecomfortable.Although,itprobablydoesn’tbodewellforyouthatIhavethose,huh?”Inudgehimwithmyelbow.“Youknow,sinceyou’resupposedtobekeepingmesatisfied.”
“It’snothingnewtothem.TheyknowIhavetoys.”
Errr…what?
DidIhearthatcorrectly?HuxleyCanehastoys?Talkaboutaplottwist.
“Uh,what?Where?”Ilookaroundtheroom.“Doyouhidetheminyournightstands?”Iwalkovertooneandopenit,findingabsolutelynothing.
“Thisisn’tmyroom.”
Istandtall.“Wait,sowe’renotsharingaroom?”
“No.Myroomisdirectlyacrossthehall.”
“Isee.”Ifoldmyarms.“Andwhatwillyourstaffthinkaboutthat?”
“They’vebeeninformedthatwe’reattemptingtoremaincelibatebeforeourwedding.”
AloudsnortpopsoutofmeandIcovermynose.“I’msurethatwaslaughableforthem.”
“Whywouldthatbelaughable?”heasks.
“Youknow…”Iwavemyhandathim.“Aren’tyoualwaysbringingwomenhome?”
“No.”
“Oh.”Ithinkaboutthat.“Well,Iguessthat’sgoodforme.Don’thavetopretendyourwanderingeyedoesn’tbotherme.”
Heclosesthedistancebetweenuswithpurposeful,commandingsteps.Hishandfallstojustabovemycollarboneandhegripsmetightly,hisfingerspressingintothebackofmyshoulder.Thepositionnotonlycommandsmyattentionbutstealsthebreathrightoutofmylungs.
“Let’sgetonethingstraight,”hesays,hisvoicemenacing.“Idon’thaveawanderingeye,neverhave,neverwill.AndIsignedacontractwithyou.ThatmeansIbelongtoyouandyoubelongtomeuntilourobligationsarefulfilledwithinouragreement.Doyouunderstand?”
Hiswordspierceme,theirmeaningstrong,poignant.
There’snooneelsehe’llbelookingat,noonehe’llbefuckinguntilouragreementisup,that’swhathe’stellingme,anditshouldn’thaveanyeffectonme.Butforsomereason,itsendsachilldownmyspine,anice-coldchill.
Growingirritatedwithmysilence,hestepsincloser,hisbodyaninchfromme.Hishandslidesupmyneckandhisthumblocksundermychin.Hetiltsmyheadup,forcingmetolockeyeswithhim.“Doyouunderstand,Lottie?”
God,beingthisclosetohim,forcedtolookhiminthosesinister,dominanteyes…inthismoment,IrealizejusthowmuchI’veputontheline.Becauseeventhoughhispersonalityspeaksofnothingbutarrogance—andIcouldneverimaginemyselffallingforamanwithsuchanincessantneedforauthority—Ican’thelpbutfeelsomethingwhenhespeakstomewithsuchconviction,whenheclaimsmewithhishands.
Swallowinghard,Isay,“Nophilandering.Gotit.”
“I’llbeloyaltoyou;Idemandthesamerespect.”
“YouactasifIhavemenliningupatthedoortotakeoutmyhotmessofanass.Trustme,noneedtoworry.”Ipathischest,tryingtolightenthetensionintheroom,andtakeastepawaysoIcancatchmybreath.
Thatwas…consuming.Somethingtoremember—whenhecommandsaroom,commandsmyattention,commandsmyeverymove,Icanseemyselfdrowninginhispresence.There’snodoubtaboutthat.
Iwalkovertomydildosandpickthemuponeatatimetoinspectthem.EventhoughHuxleyisanatrociousmanwithamercurialattitude,he’sincrediblyhot,andthewayhespoketomejustthen,withthatalphatone?Thatwashot.Goahead,chastiseme.IknowIshouldn’tthinkanythingabouthimishot,especiallyafterourrecentinteractions,but,ugh,hisdeep,sultryeyes,thewayhetowersoverme,thebaritoneofhisvoice…yeah,it’sdoingallsortsofthingstomethatwillrequireassistancefromoneofmyvibratingfriends.
MaybeI’llusemypurpledildotonight.Ilovethetwistingmotionitdoes.Although,mysuctioncuppenisiscallingmyname,butthat’sbestusedintheshower.It’swhyIgotit,soIcouldgetofffrombehind,oneofmyfavoritepositions.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Huxleyasksashewatchesmerunmyhandupanddownmypurpledildo.
BecauseIthinkit’sfuntotesthim,Isay,“DecidingwhatIwanttofuckmyselfwithtonight.Youknow,sincemyfiancéiscelibateandall,Ineedtogetoffsomehow.Yourstaffmostlikelyunderstandsthecircumstances.”Ipickupmysuctioncupdickandrunmyhandoverthetip.“God,Iloveitfrombehind,butI’mtootiredforashowerrightnow.”Iholdupthepurpleone.“LookslikemeandThorwillbehavingsomefuntonight.”
IglanceupatHuxley,andI’mrewardedwithatightjawandanirritatedglare
Perfect.
Revengeismine.
I’mnotsayingI’mabeautyqueenoverhere,turningthisguyonwitheverystepItake,butIdoknowsomethingaboutmen.Nomatterwhoyouare,ifyou’restrokingadildoinfrontofthem,they’regoingtothinkaboutsex.Andwhentheythinkaboutsex,theygetturnedon.Andaturned-onassholewhohastogotobedaloneissatisfactorytome.Ihopehesuffers…justtoeventhescalesfortheaggravationI’veexperiencedtonight.
“Breakfastwillbeatseventhirtytomorrowmorning.Makesureyou’rethere.”
“Seventhirty?”Ishout.“It’saSunday.”
“Wehavethingstodiscuss.”Andwiththat,heshutsmydoor.Ihearhimgointohisroomacrossthehallandshutthedoorbehindhim.
Someoneneedshelpwiththeirangerproblems.
MaybeIwaswrong,maybeheistreatingmeverymuchliketheBeasttreatedBelle.
“Aninvitationwould’vebeennice,notademand,”ImumbleasIsetThordownonthebed.Iwalkovertotheclosettodiscoverthatnotasinglepieceofmyclothingishangingup.Instead,it’salldesignerclothes,rangingfromflowydressestotight-fittingeveningwear,toblouses,tojeans.Andthenlotsofshoes.Okay,that’skindofnice,because—
“OhmyGod,”Iwhisper,pickinguponeandclutchingittomychest.“Louboutin.SweetheavenlyLord.”Isetitbackdowncarefullyandgiveitasmallpet.“You’rebeautiful.Alwaysrememberthat,especiallywhenmycarelessfeetscuffyouup,becausesometimesIwalklikeanewbornfawn.”
Iopenthedrawersintheclosetand…oh,wow.Pickingupawhitelacethong,Iholdituptothelight.
“That’sawholelotofnothing.”Iglancedownandopenanotherdrawertofindmatchingbras.“Doundergarmentsreallymatter?”Well,ifhisstaffisdoingthelaundry,heprobablydoesn’twantmymismatchedstuffjustfloatingabout.
It’sannoyinghowthoroughhe’sbeeninsuchashortamountoftime.
Itossthegarmentsbackinthedrawersandthensearchformypajamas,which…seemtobenowhere.ThemoreIlookthroughdrawers,themoreInoticeonethinginparticular—there’salotoflingerie,butthereisn’tonetraceofmyoversizedT-shirts,mybandshirts,oranytraceofmypersonality.
Iliftupatwo-piecesilkset—petiteshortsthatI’msurewillbarelycovermyassandamatchingslinkytop.Thisiswhatheexpectsmetowear?
Garmentsinhand,Istormthroughmyroom,outthedoor,andrightacrossthehallwaytopoundonhisdoor.
“Ineedtospeaktoyou,”Ishout.
Ittakeshimafewseconds,butwhenhewhipsthedooropen,hepullsmeinbythehandandspinsmeagainstthewallasheshutsthedoor.
Standingtallinnothingbuthisshortsfromtonight,hisimmaculatelymuscularchestrisesandfallsashestaresatme,hisbodyoverbearing,large,fuming.Someonespendstimeinthegym,andhisnameisHuxleyCane,because…wow.Just…wow.
Whoknewpecscouldbesothick?Ibettheybouncewhenheruns.
“Whatthehellareyouscreamingfor?”
Uhh…
What’sthequestion?
I’msorry,butI’msortofdistractedbytheabsolutegodwho’sstandinginfrontofme.Yes,it’seasytoseethathe’sanattractiveman.I’dbelyingifIsaidhewasn’t.ButInevernoticedhewashidingsomuchmoreunderhisdressshirts.AndImean…somuchmore.
Thick,flatpecs,carvedshoulders,bicepsthatlooklikechiseledmarble.Hehasthefitbuildofasurfer,allmuscle,fromtheneckdown,allthewaytohisperfectlydefinedabsandtheindentedVinhiships.Andbecauselifeisn’tfair,hisboxerbriefsclingtohiswaistjustabovewherehisshortshang.
It’sofficial—myfakefiancéisatotaldreamboat.
Toobadhe’sthebiggestassholeI’veevermet.
Stillfuming,heasks,“Whatthehelldoyouwant?”
Oh,right.I’msupposedtobemadathim.
Onehandonmyhip,Iholdupthenegligeeandask,“Doyouexpectmetowearthis?”
Hiseyesfalltotheblacksilkinmyhandandthenhelooksbacktome.“Isthereaproblemwiththat?”
“Uh,thesearenotpajamas.”
“Ithoughtyousleepnaked,sowhat’sthebigdeal?”
“Uh,I’mnotgoingtosleepnakedinarandomstranger’shouse.”
“Thenwhat’sinyourhandshouldbesuitable.”
Myeyesnarrow.“Whereareallofmyclothes?”
“Instorage.”
“Why?”
Hedragshishandoverhisface.“Becausetheyweren’tsuitablefortheroleyouneedtoplay.Thiswasdiscussed.WhyareyoubringingthisupwhenI’mtryingtogetreadyforbed?”
“BecauseIthoughtI’dhavesomeofmyownclothestoputonatleast.”
“Notnecessary,Imadesureyouhaveeverythingyouneed.Nowifthat’sall,I’dliketogetsomesleep.”
Couldhebeanymoreofadick?
Probably.
Ibetthisisjustthetipoftheicebergforhim.Ibethecouldbewaymoreofanasshole,whichofcoursemakesmewonderhowfarcouldIpossiblypushhim.SeemsasthoughIhavesometimetofindout.
Clutchingmynewpajamas,Isay,“You’redreadful,youknowthat?”
“You’renorayofsunshineyourself.”
Eventhoughhe’satleastafoottallerthanme,Istepuptohim,crankmyheadback,andsay,“Ihopeyouhaveasleeplessnight.”
“Sweetnightmares,”herepliesbackwithsuchalevelofsnarkthatIthinkImighthavemetmymatch.
Littledoesheknow,he’snottheonlyonewhocanplaydirty.
Imayhaveacontractualagreementwiththeman,butIsureashellcanmakehislifeahorrorfilm.Andthat’sexactlywhatIplanondoing.ChapterNine
HUXLEY
JP:Howwaslastnight?Wedidn’thearanythingfromyouandI’mworriedsheblewit.Didshe?Didshefuckingblowit?
Istaredownatthetextfrommybrotherandpickupmymugofsteamingblackcoffee.Iblowonthehotliquidandthenbringtherimofmymugtomylipstotakeasmallsip,lettingthebitteryetsmoothdrinkslipdownmythroat.
DidLottieblowitlastnight?
Shedidnot.
Shedidn’tblowonefuckingthing…
Ifyoucatchmydrift.
Inallhonesty,Ididn’texpecthertolookthatdamngoodinthedressIpickedout.NordidIexpecthertowalkoutofhersister’sbathroomlookinglikeagoddesswithherhairinwavesandsubtlemakeuphighlightinghermesmerizingeyes.
AndIsureashelldidn’texpecttothinkaboutherlastnight,alllastnight,withthatgoddamnvibrator.AfterIgotintobed,IswearIbarelybreathed,justhopingtohearherpleasureherself.Afterthirtyminutesofstayingquiet,mydickashardasarock,Irelievedmyselfandthenwenttobed.
Threedildos.Whatwomanneedsthree?
Lottie,ofcourse.BecausenotonlyamIborderlinefuckingupmyentireenterprisewithmycarelessmistakes,butIhadtopicktheonegirlwhosoeasilygetsundermyskin.She’sannoying,frustrating,beautiful,andsnarky.Atotalwildcard.Shemakesmeholdmybreathwitheverywordthatcomesoutofhermouth,andthenshesurprisesmewithherbrilliancy.
It’sexhausting.
Isetdownmycoffee,takingnoteofthetime.She’stwominuteslatetobreakfast.WhileIwait,ItextbacktoJP.
Huxley:Shedidn’tblowit.Annoyingly,sheexceededexpectations,madeDaveandElliefallinlovewithher,andmademelookgood.
Itakeanothersipofmycoffeeasmybrotherstextback.
Breaker:Howisthatannoying?Shouldn’tyoubehappy?
JP:Uh-oh…isthereaprobleminparadise?
Huxley:She’sagoddamnpill.
Breaker:LOL.Well,thatmakesmefuckinghappy.
JP:Difficulttoworkwith?
Huxley:Youcouldsaythat.Shechallengeseverything,andshe’slateforbreakfast.
Breaker:Yousetatimeforbreakfastthismorning?Dude,it’sSunday.
JP:Letmeguess,you’rebeingacompleteasstoher.ClassicHuxley.
Huxley:I’mnotbeinganass.I’mtreatingourinteractionsasbusinesstransactions.Becausethat’swhatthisis—business.
Breaker:He’ssoromantic.
Huxley:There’snothingromanticaboutthisarrangement.
Breaker:So,you’resayingyoudon’tfindhertheleastbitattractive?
JP:Whatdoesshelooklike,anyway?
Huxley:Doesitmatter?
Breaker:Yes.
JP:Onethousandpercentitdoes.
Huxley:Why?
Breaker:Becauseweneedtoknowifthisarrangementisgoingtoendinyoutwofucking.
JP:Weneedtogearupthelawyers,makesurethey’reonstandby.
Huxley:ThisWILLNOTendinfucking.Trustme.
Justthen,Iheartheflopofslippersslidingacrossthehardwoodfloors,drawingmyattentiontowardthestairs.Lottiecomesdraggingintothediningarealookingasthoughshejustrosefromthedead,butfuck…she’swearingthose“pajamas.”
Theshortsarebarelyshorts.Theyjustslippastthejunctureofherhipandthigh,smoothingoverhercurves,andtheshirt…well,itshowsoffhermidriff,justaboveherbellybutton,andthenstops,minimallycoveringherbreasts.Thefabricissothin,thatifitwerewhite,IknowI’dseethosetight,littlenipplesthatarepokingagainstthematerial.
Herhairisstillinwaves,butherfaceiscleanandclearofthemakeupsheworelastnight.
Shelooks,rumpled…cozy…andlikeabsolutetrouble.
There’saplacesettingnexttomeatthetable,andwithoutsayingaword,shedropsdownintothechair,picksupmycoffee,andtakesasipoutofitbeforeslouchinginherchairandrestingherheadagainsttheback.
“You’relate,”Isay.“Andthat’smycoffee.”
Ireachforit,butlikearabidbeast,shehissesatme,causingmetopullbackinabsolutefear.“Touchitanddie,”shesaysinadeep,possessedvoice.
Notamorningperson.Noted.
Afterafewsecondsandsomelargegulpsofcoffee,shesetsdownmymugandslowlyturnstowardme.“Yourseventhirtybreakfastisabsolutehorseshit.”
Reallynotamorningperson.
Fromthekitchen,mychef,Reign,bringstwoplatesofbreakfast.Eachplatehasasliceofavocadotoast,aservingofscrambledeggs,andafruitsalad,perfectlypresented.
“Thankyou,Reign,”Isay.Ashe’sabouttoleave,Igesturetothedevilincarnatenexttomeandsay,“Thisismyfiancée,Lottie.Lottie,thisisReign.We’reveryluckytohavehimonstaff.Hisfoodisimpeccable.”
Shakingoffsomeofthecrustsheaccumulatedovernight,shesitsalittletaller,brushesherhairbehindherear,andsays,“Hello,Reign.IlovefoodsoIthinkwe’llbebestfriends.”
“MissLottie,thepleasureisallmine.Pleasedon’thesitatetoaskmeforanything.IshallmakesureyoureceivethepalatesurveysoI’llknowwhichfoodsyouenjoy.”
“Thankyou,”Lottiesayswithasmile.Whenheleaves,Lottieturnstowardme,afrownonherface,andsays,“Youcould’vewarnedmeotherpeopleweregoingtobehere.I’mpracticallynaked.”
“ItoldyouIhavestaffinthehouse.”
“Ontheweekends?”shehisses.“Youmonster.”
“They’recompensatedextremelywell.”
“Great,theyhavemoney,buthowaretheysupposedtohavefunwithitifthey’realwaysworkingforyou?”Shewhipsopenherclothnapkinandplacesitonherlap.
Istudyher,thepompoustilttoherchin,theproudpufftoherchest,thestubbornsettohershoulders.“Ifyou’resoworriedabouthowpeopleperceiveyouinwhatyou’rewearing,thenwhydidyoucometobreakfastwearingthat?I’mnotsomeoneyou’reveryfamiliarwith.”
Hereyessnakeovertomeassheplungesherforkintohereggs.“Ifyou’velaideyesonmydildos,thenyou’veseenprettymucheverything.”
“Noteverything,”Isay,pickingupmymugandglancingdownatherchestwhileItakeasip.Shecatchesmyonce-over.
“Isthatsupposedtomakememelt?Swoonatyourfeet?Thatoneglance,thedeepsetinyourvoice?You’regoingtohavetotryharderthanthat.”
“WhosaysI’mtrying?”Iask,settingdownmymug.
“Yourbreathlessvoicelastnight,whenIcameintoyourroom.”
“Ithinkyou’remistakingmeforyourself.Youweretheonebreathless,chestheaving,asyoustaredatmynakedtorso.”
“Pffft,okay,Huxley.”Shestuffsaforkfulofeggsintohermouth.
Greatdefense.Shecanbeindenialallshewants,butIknowwhatIsawlastnight.Shemighthateme,asshesoaccuratelyportrays,butshedoesn’tshyawayfromoglingme.
“Onthatspectacularcomeback,let’sgetdowntobusiness.”
Sheshootsmeaglarebutdoesn’tsayanything.Iopenthefolderonthetabletotheleftofme,removethefirstpieceofpaper,andhandittoher.Shetakesit,lookingconfused.
“What’sthis?”sheasks.
Casually,Ipickupapieceofavocadotoastandsay,“That’stheletterstatingyourstudentloanshavebeenpaidoff.Keepitforyourrecords.”
Hermouthfallsopenassheexaminesthepaper.Icantellwhenhereyesfocusinontheowedamount,whichsayszero,becauseherfacefallsflat.“It’sallpaidoff?”
“That’swhatwasstatedinthecontract,wasitnot?”
“Itwas…but…it’sactuallypaidoff?”
“DoyouthinkI’mnotamanofmyword?”
“You’redeceivingapotentialbusinesspartnerintothinkingyouhaveapregnantfiancée.ExcusemeifI’mslightlyskeptical.”Shesetsthepaperdown.
Isay,“Isignedacontractwithyou.Idon’ttakethoselightly.Youwenttodinnerwithme,Ipaidoffyourdebt.Nowwemoveforward.”
“Justlikethat,wemoveforward?How?Weseemtohateeachother.”
“Youcanhatesomeoneandstillworkwiththem.Youneedtolearntotaketheemotionoutofbusiness.”
“Areyouattemptingtomakemeyourprotégé?”sheasks.
“Thatwouldbeadeathsentenceonmypart.Idon’thavetimetodealwithyournonsense.”
“Nonsense?”sheasksjustasReignre-entersthediningroom.
“Howiseverything?”heasks.
Lottie’sangryfacemorphsintoasmileasshelooksupatReignandsays,“Absolutelywonderful.Thankyou.”
“Good.Mr.Cane,iseverythingtoyourliking?”
Inod.“Asalways.Wouldwebeabletogetanothercupofcoffee?AlthoughIenjoyhavingLottie’slipsallovermymug,she’sdrinkingfartoomuchofit.”
Reignchuckles.“Ofcourse.Mymistake.MissLottie,howdoyoutakeyourcoffee?”
“JustlikeHuxley’sisfine.”
Reignnodsandthenreturnstothekitchen.
“It’sfrighteninghowquicklyyoucanchangefromangrytopleasant,”Isay.
“Speakforyourself.You’reamodern-dayDr.JekyllandMr.Hyde.”
OnceReigndropsoffLottie’scoffeeandgivesussomespace,Ibringtheconversationbacktobusiness.“I’munsurewhatthetimelineofourcontractwillbe.ItseemsasthoughDaveisinnorushtopushthisnegotiationalong,andIdon’twanttopushmyluckandpressurehim.”
“Figuredasmuch,”shesays,mouthfulloffoodassheleansbackinherchair
It’soddhowdifferentherattitudeisaroundme.Sheletslooseandhasnoshameinthewaysheslouchesinherchairortalkswithfoodpoppingoutofhermouth.Andevenmoreodd,Idon’tfinditrepulsive.Ratherintriguing.Doesshereallyhavenocareforheractions?Forherdecorum?Andyet,whenwewerewithDaveandEllielastnight,shecarriedherselfwithclass.Thecontrastisincrediblyconfusing.
“DavewasallaboutEllielastnight.Youhaveyourworkcutoutforyou.”
“Whichmeans,youdo,aswell.I’msureI’llreceivecorrespondencefromDavetomorrow,afollow-upontheevening.FromwhatIcouldtell,Ellielikedyou.She’llprobablywanttoinviteyouout,justyouandher.”
Lottiepauses,herforkhalfwaytohermouth.“Excuseme?Thatwasn’tinthecontract.”
“Itfallsunderadditionaloutings,”Isay.Mylawyersthoughtofeverything.
“So,you’retellingmeI’mgoingtohavecoffeewithher?Spendextracurriculartimewithher?Inactuallife,wehavenothingincommon.She’sverymuch…affluentsuburbia,andI’m…well,IhaveajarfullofsparebillsthatIuseassavingssowhenForeignercomestotown,Icanbuythenosebleedticketsandfinallyseetheminconcert.I’mprettysureElliehasnoideawhoForeigneris.Doyou?”
Ileanbackinmychairandsay,“I’mpartialto‘ColdasIce’.”
Herbrowsraise.“Youarefamiliar.Atleast,youknowoneoftheirmainhits.”
“AgentProvocateurismyfavoritealbumoftheirs.”
Shesitstaller.“Isitnow?”Icanseethetwitchofasmile,thehintofintrigue.“Iwouldn’thavepeggedyouasaForeignerfan.”
“Whatwouldyouhavepeggedmeas?”
“Idon’tknow,constantlyplaying‘TheImperialMarch’overandoverinyourhead.”
Iglancedownatmyplate,asmiletestingmylips,asthethoughtofwalkingaroundtoDarthVader’sthemesongishumorous.“Consideritmysecondchoice.”Iclearmythroatandtrytocontinuewiththismeeting.“Concerningyourjob—”
“Thathasnothingtodowithyou.”
“IsaidI’dhelpyoursister’sbusiness.Ihavetheconnectionssheneeds.Isyourego,yourpride,toobigforyoutositdownwithmeandtalkaboutherbusiness?”
Icantellfromthesetofherjawthatshedoesn’tlikemyapproach,buttoobad.Adealisadeal.
“No,butI’mnotsureweneedyoubuttingin,either.”
“Howmuchisshepayingyou,again?”Iaskwhilebringingmymugtomylips,fullyawareLottieisgettingpaidnothingforthetimebeing.
“God,you’resuchanass.HereIthoughtyouwerenormalforasecondbecauseyoulikeForeigner,butthenyougoandsaysomethinglikethat.”Sheshakesherhead.“Everybusinesshastostartfromsomewhere,sobeforeyoustartjudging—”
“I’mnotjudging.I’mattemptingtohelpyou,butyouaren’tallowingthattohappen.”
“Idon’twantyourhelp.”
“Thenwhyareyouhere?”Ishootback,keepingmyvoicelow.
Shegoestoanswer,butthencloseshermouthandleansbackagainstherchair.Shestaresatherplateforafewseconds,thenpicksuphernapkin,tossesitonherplate,andliftsupfromherchair.Shewalksoutofthediningroomandbackupthestairs.
Great.Justfuckinggreat.ChapterTen
LOTTIE
BeforeIcouldlayeyesonHuxleythismorning,Islippedoutofthehouse,fullydressedinsomesilkydressthat’sfartooflattering.Thematerialfeelslikeacloudgentlywrappedaroundme.Damntheseexpensiveclothes.
Iwantednothingtodowithhim,nordidIwanthimaskingmequestions.
Yesterdaywasdreadful.Afterbreakfast,Islippeduptomyroom,whereIwrotedownallofmyideasforKelsey’sbusinessandhowtoimproveit.LunchanddinnerwerespentsittinginsilencenexttoHuxleyuntilIwasabletoslipawayagain.Ihaven’tseenhimsincedinnerlastnight,andIpreferitthatway.
WhenIwenttogetintomycartodriveovertoKelsey’sthismorning,Irealized—guesswhodoesn’thaveacarhere?So,IwalkeddowntheblockandorderedanUbertogetmetoWestHollywood.
Now,withourfavoritecoffeeinhand,IwalkuptoKelsey’sapartment,excitedtoseeherandgiveherallthegorydetails.Iknockonthedoorandwait.It’searly,buthopefullyshe’supandreadyfortheday.
Thedooropensand—
“Whattheactualfuckareyoudoinghere?”IaskHuxley,whostandsontheothersideofthedoor.
Inasarcastictone,hesays,“Youdidn’tgivemeakissgoodbye.”
Pushingpasthim,Isay,“Crawlupyourownscrotumanddrown.”IfindKelseyinthekitchen,eatingabagelwithahugesmileonherface.“Whydidyoulethimintoyourapartment?”
“Ithoughttherewassomethingwrong,likesomethinghappenedtoyou.Thenhetoldmeyoudidn’tsaybyetohimandIfeltbad.”
IspinaroundtoglareatHuxley.He’sdressedforthedayinadeepbluesuit,whitebutton-upshirt,andaslatecoloredtie.Notonehairisoutofplaceonhishead,andhehasjustenoughscrufftomakehimlookpositivelyintimidating.
“Howonearthareyoureadyanddressed?”
“Ifyousharedaroomwithme,you’dknowIwakeupatfourtostartmyday.”
“God,you’remental.”IhandKelseyhercoffeeandsay,“Ishouldn’tevengivethistoyou,sinceyouseemtoenjoymyslowtorture.”
“He’sactuallyaprettyniceguy,”Kelseysays.
“Towhom?Toyou?Ofcourseheis,becausehedoesn’tseeyouashispuppet.Believeme,ifyouwereinthetrencheslikeme,you’dthinkdifferently.”
Kelseyfingersthesleeveofmydress.“Youconsiderdesignerclothesbeinginthetrenches?”
Pompously,Huxleystickshishandsinhispocketsandrocksbackonhisheels,agrinonhisstupidlyhandsomeface.
“I’dratherbenakedthanhavetodealwithhim.”
“Wecanarrangethat,”Huxleysays,causingmysistertochuckle.
“Hey,”Isnapather,“whosesideareyouon?”
“Yours,ofcourse.Alwaysonyourside,sis.Butthisisfartooentertaining.”
Groaning,IturnbacktoHuxleyandsay,“Ihavenoideawhyyou’rehere,butIneedyoutoleavesoIcantalkaboutyoubehindyourbackwithmysister.”
Fromhispantspocket,hepullsoutablackcardandholdsitinfrontofme.
“What’sthat?”
“Thekeytoyourcar.”
“That’snotakey,that’sacreditcard.”
Heshakeshishead.“Itunlocksyourcarandyouneedittodrivethecarsoyeah,it’sakey.It’sthewhiteModel3inthefrontparkingspotofthisbuilding.Iexpectyoutodriveit.ThePINnumberyou’llalsoneedtodriveitiswrittendowninsidetheenvelopeonthetable.”WhenIdon’ttakethecardfromhim,hestepsuptomeandslipsitrightintomycleavage.“Haveagreatdaysweetheart.”
Andthenheleaves.
Istareatthecloseddoor,cardstillstuckinmycleavage.
WhenIturnaround,mouthagape,Kelseychucklesandsays,“Oh,thisissomuchfunforme.”
“Whyareyouabadsister?”
Shelaughsandsetshermugdownonthecounter.“I’mnotabadsister,I’mjusttakingjoyinsomethingnewthat’shappeninginyourlife.”
IpointtothedoorthroughwhichHuxleyjustretreated.“There’snothingjoyousaboutthatman.”
“Idon’tknow.”Shesmirks.“Hedoesseemtohavesomegoodqualities.”
Ifoldmyarms.“Really?Goodlooksbuyyourloyalty?”Ipointtomychest.“I’myoursister.Yourloyaltybelongstome.”
“Oh,settledown,”shesaysassheplucksthekeycardfrommycleavageandguidesmetooneofthechairsatherbistrotable.“YouknowI’monyourside,butIwillsay,youshouldprobablygivehimachance.Notbeso…irritablearoundhim.He’shelpingyouout.”
“I’mhelpinghimout.”
“Youarebothinthistogether.Butlookatwhathe’sdoingforyou.GaveyouanewcartodriveratherthanthathunkofjunkBugthatbarelygetsaround;youhaveallnewclothes,whichhelpsus,because,nottobemean,butnowyoulookputtogether,whichbodeswellforbusinessmeetings;andhegaveyouaplacetostaysoyoudon’thavetoliveherewithme,orworse,withMomandJeff.Healsopaidoffyourstudentloans,soyoudon’thavetoworryaboutgettingajobtopaythoseback,andcanworkwithmeinstead.He’sdonealot,Lottie.Andyouwenttodinnerwithhim,tohelphimwithsomedealhe’stryingtoscore.I’mnottakingsides,butheseemstobedoingalotforyou.”
“Well…whenyouputitlikethat,sure,helookslikeasaint,buthe’sanythingbutthat.Trustme.He’sapompousasshole.He’srudeanddegrading,attimes.Hedoesn’ttreatmewithrespect.”
“Doyouofferhimrespectorareyoualwaysfightinghim?Knowingyou,it’sprobablythelatter.”
Mysisterknowsmefartoowell.
“Hestartedit,”Isay.“Hecameinripewiththeattitude.WhatwasIsupposedtodo?Justsitbackandtakeit?Hellno.Hemakesmylifedifficult?I’lldothesame.”
“Sogladyoudidn’tloseyourmaturityinthemove,”Kelseysayswithsarcasm.“AndeventhoughthistopicofHuxleyCaneisentertaining,wehavesomeworktodo.”Shebringshercomputerovertothetableandhandsittome.
“Whatdoyouwantmetodowiththis?”
“Weneedtostartgettingorganizedwiththebusiness,andoddlyenough,that’sthepartofthisjobIsuckat.Wehaveameetinglatertodaywithapotentiallyhugeclient,andIwanttomakesurewehaveeverythingundercontrol,soiftheyaskquestions,wecangivethemexactnumbers.”
“Exactnumbersof…”
“Youknow,likeinventoryandfinancials.Thingslikethat.”
Ieyehersuspiciously.“Whywouldtheycareaboutthat?”
Sherollshereyes.“Richpeoplewanttoknowhowsuccessfulyouare.Ineedyoutomakemelooksuccessfulonpaper.”
“Okay…whatareyougoingtodo?”
ShepullsoutheriPadandsmiles.“Design,ofcourse.”
“Ofcourse.”Sighing,Iopenhercomputer.Allthefilesweneedonhercomputerareatthebottom,readytobeopened.“AmIgoingtohateyouafterthis?”
“Possibly.Butthisiswhatyouenjoy.”
“Oddly,itis.”Icrackmyfingers.“Let’sgettowork,sis.”
***
“Howdoyouturnoffthecar?”Iask,lookingforanoffbuttonofsomesort.
“Idon’tthinkyouturnitoff,”Kelseysays,slingingherbagoverhershoulder.
“Whatdoyoumean,youdon’tturnitoff?Therehastobeanoffbuttonsomewhere.”
Sheshakesherhead.“Iwentoutwithaguywiththeexactsamecar,andhejustputitinpark,gotout,lockedupandwalkedaway.Thecarknowswhenyou’renotinitanymore.”Shegetsout,andIgrumbletomyselfasIputthecarinparkandgetoutmyself.
OutofallthecarsHuxleycouldhavegivenme,hegavemeonewithamindofitsown.Ipressthekeycardtothesideofthewindowandwatchasthesidemirrorscurlintowardthecar.
“Isitlocked?”Iask.
“Ibelieveso.”Kelseychecksherwatch.“Comeon,we’regoingtobelateifwefiddlearoundwiththisthinganymore.”
Shovingthekeycardinmypurse—keycardforacar,strange,bytheway—IcatchuptoKelsey,who’salreadyhalfwaytothebuilding.
“Whoarewemeetingwith,bytheway?Younevergavemeanyinformation.AllIknowisthatyourbookkeepingisindireneedofhelpandI’vebeenabletopulltogethersomeroughnumbers.”
Shedoesn’tanswer,instead,pushesthroughthelargeglassdoorsandintoamodern,sleeklobby.Thereisn’tapersoninsightotherthanareceptionistatthefrontdesk.
Nosigns.
Nopersonalization.
Nothingtoindicatewherethehellweare.
“MissKelsey,MissLottie,gladyoucouldmakeit,”thereceptionistsays.“Please,takethethirdelevatortothetenthfloor.They’rewaitingforyou.”
“Thankyou,”Kelseysays,powerwalkingtotheelevator.
Irushtocatchupwithherandbarelymakeitintotheelevatorasthedoorsclosebehindme.“Jesus,hurrymuch?”
“Wecan’tbelate.Itlooksbad.”
Iliftherwristtolookatherwatch.“Wehavetwominutestospare.Calmdown.”
Shelooksmeintheeyes.“Thisisimportant,Lottie.Thiscouldbeabigbreakforus,okay?Pleaseunderstandthemagnitudeofthis.”
Seeingthedesperationinmylittlesister’seyes,Isay,“Hey,Iknowthisisimportant.I’dneverdoanythingtomesswiththat.I’mjusttryingtocalmyoudown.Goingintherelookingfrenziedisn’tgoingtohelpthecauseeither.”
Shetakesadeepbreath.“You’reright.ThisislikeanyotherpitchI’vemade.”
“Exactly.Wehaveeverythingweneed,andI’mherebyyoursidetohelp.”
“Thankyou.”Shesqueezesmyhand,theelevatordings,thedoorspart,andthere,standinginfrontofaconferenceroom,arethree,tall,broad,andintimidatingmen.
Butoneofthemisunmistakable.
“Whattheactualhell,”ImutterasmyeyeslandonHuxley.
“Decorum,”Kelseywhispersasshepullsmeofftheelevatorwithher.
“Kelsey,Lottie,sogladyoucouldmakeit,”Huxleysayswithagrin.Hegesturestotheconferenceroombehindhim.“We’llbeinhere.”
Kelseystartsfortheconferenceroom,butIgrabherhandandholdmyfingeruptoHuxley.Withasmilethatpainsme,Isay,“Pleasegiveusonemoment.We’llberightin.”
Henods,andthethreemenwalkintotheconferenceroom,allowingthedoortoshutbehindthem.
Iturnmybacktothemand,witheyesthatscreamdeath,say,“Whatthefuck,Kelsey?WhyisHuxleyhere?”
Withagrinspreadacrossherface,makingsuretheguysseethatnothingiswrong,shesays,“That’swhyhecamebythismorning—well,oneofthereasons—tosetupameetingwithusandtogiveyouthecar,obviously.”
“Ameetingforwhat?”
“Fortheoffice.”Hersmilegrowsevenmore.“Hewantstopossiblyhiremetoorganizeandmaketheofficemoresustainable.Thiscouldbeahugeaccount,Lottie.Ifdonerightandefficiently,thiscouldputusonthemap.”
Theexcitementinhereyes,thehopebloominginsideher,setsmeintoatailspin.Becausethisdoesn’tfeelright,italmostfeelstoogoodtobetrue,andastheoldersister,Iwanttoprotectherfromharm.ButhowcanIexpressmyconcernswithoutlookingasthoughI’mtryingtopeeonherparade?
Idon’ttrustHuxley.
Idon’ttrusthisintentions.
I’veseentheextenthe’llgotoinordertodeceivesomeoneintomakingadeal.Who’stosayhewouldn’tdothattomysister?
Butherbegging,pleadingeyesarecuttingthroughmystrongwill.Shewantsthis,thischancetogrow,andhell,Ican’ttakethatawayfromher,nomattermylevelofunease.
Pushingmyhesitationtotheside,Isay,“Okay,butlet’sproceedwithcaution.Wedon’tknowwhatthiscouldleadto,andwealsoneedtorememberthatHuxleyisashrewdbusinessman.”
Shesmirks.“Trustisn’tbuiltinaday;Igetit.”Shetakesmyhandinhers.“Let’sgointhereandblowtheirdicksoff.”
Ichuckle.“Notliterally…right?”
Hereyeswiden.“Right,noblowingactualdicks.”
Together,wewalkintotheconferenceroomandstandattheendofthetable,oppositethethreeextremelyhandsomemen.Eventhoughtheyallareextremelyattractive—whichisn’tintimidatingatall—myeyeslandonHuxley,sittinginthemiddlewithhisfoldedhandsrestingonthetable.
“Mr.Cane,we’resohonoredyouhadtimetomeetwithustoday,”Kelseysays,andIholdbackasneeratheruseofMr.Cane.Ugh,gross.AmIgoingtohavetocallhimthat?
Andthesetwoguys,dotheyknowwhoIam?AmIsupposedtowalkuptoHuxleyandgivehimakiss?
Ohshit,wait…wasI?
Wasthispartofatest?
WhenIglanceatHuxley,he’sstaringmedown,hiseyesfixatedontheringonmyfinger,whichIkeeptwirlingwithmythumboutofpurenerves.
Ishetryingtotellmesomething?Isthatahint?Ididbrushhimoffrightwhenwegothere,askedforspace.Whatifhe’dintendedtogivemeahug?ShouldIassumethesemenknowwe’reengaged?Oristhisabusinesssetting?Hishousestaffwereawareofourengagement.
JesusChrist,aheads-upwould’vebeenwonderful.
Onbothends.FrommysisterandfromHuxley.
Sweatformsatthebaseofmyneck,heatingupmyearsasItakeastepforward.IwatchHuxleyintentlyasItakeanotherstepforward,lookingmorelikeanunoiledrobotthanaconfidentfiancée.Ijustdon’tknowtheprotocol.
WHATISTHEDAMNPROTOCOL?
“Lottie,areyouokay?”Kelseyasks.
Anotherstep,closingthedistance,slowly,awkwardly,butclosingit.
“Oh,yeah,justwonderful.Wantto,uh,makesureIsayhello.Youknow…”Igulp,“tomy,uh,tomycounterpart.”IpointatHuxleyandtakeanotherstepforward.“ThemanIcan’tstopthinkingabout.”Anotherstep,untilI’mrightathischair,theothertwomenlookingupatmeawkwardly.IpatHuxleyontheshoulder,mygestureserratic.Notasmoothboneinmybody.“Hello,dearhoney…bottoms.”Ismile.“You’relookingravishing.”Witheveryeyeintheroomwatchingme,Ileandown,growingcloserandcloseruntilmylipsmeetthetopofhishead.InstantlyI’mmetbythesmellofhisdeliciouscologneandthemasculinescentofhishairproducts.“Oh,thatsmellsnice.”Ipathishead.“Notmuskyatall.Just…youknow,likeamanshouldsmell.Allmountainyandrich.Yousmellveryrich.”AwkwardlyIfinishkissingthetopofhishead,andthenImoveawayandgivehimathumbsup.“Lovegettingtosneakinsomeaffectionduringtheday…fiancé.”Iwinkandtakeanotherstepbackasadropletofsweatrollsdownmyback.
Thatwasnotsmoothatall.
“FortheloveofGod,tellmethat’snothowsheactedinfrontofDave,”theguytotherightsays.
Huxleyleansbackinhischairandpropsuphischinonhishandasheslouches.“Ihavenoideawhatthefuckthatwas,butitwasn’twhatshedidSaturday.”
“Excuseme?”Iask,lookingbetweenthemen.
“Uh,Lottie,maybeyoucomeonbackoverhere.”Kelseywavesherarm.“So,youknow,wecanbeprofessionalsandstartthepresentation.”
“Holdon,”Isay,holdingupmyhandtomysisterasIturntofaceHuxley.
Hisnavy-bluesuitmakeshimlookevenmoresinisterwhenhe’ssittinginthatpitch-blackconferencetablechair.Andhispose—casualyetfirm,hiseyesfixatedonme—unwavering.He’saforcetobereckonedwith,andIhavenoproblemstandinguptotheman.
Imotiontothetwoothermen.“Dotheyknow?”
“Whatexactlyareyoureferencing?”HuxleyaskswithsuchsmugnessinhisvoicethatI’mtemptedtoreachoutandkickhimintheshin.
“Ourengagementofcourse,sweetcheeks,”Ianswerinanauseatingtone.“Aretheyawareyou’vemademethehappiestwomanonearth?”Iclaspmyhandstogetherandholdtheminfrontofme.
Kelseyclearsherthroat.“Lottie.Comeoverhere.”
“Youdon’tseemparticularlyhappy,especiallywhenyoucameofftheelevator.”Huxley’sindexfingertravelsupthesideofhisfacetohistemple,whilehisthumbpositionsitselfjustunderhisjaw.Itfeelslikeapowerpose,asifhe’sattemptingtocommandtheroominacasualmanner…yetcommandme.AndI’llbedamnedifhethinkshecancommandme.
Handsonmyhips,Iask,“Nowwhywouldyousaythat?Iwasshockedtoseeyou,isall.Iwasn’texpectingtorunintosuchahunkofmeatinthemiddleoftheafternoon.”
“Lottie,”Kelseywhispers,givingmethecomeheremotion,butIignoreher.
ThetwomennexttoHuxleyarefartooamusedastheysitdeepintheirseatsandtakeintheshow.
“Isee.”Huxley’seyesstaytrainedonme.“Andwereyouparticularlyhappytoseeyourfiancé?”
Whatishedoing?
Whatgameisheplaying?
Thisdoesn’tseemveryprofessionalofhim.
It’salmostasifhe’stauntingme,testingme.
Guesswhat,buddy?Twocanplayatthisgame.
Iwetmylips.“Very…excited.”Ilacemyanswerwithinnuendoandslowlymovemyeyesdownhischesttohiscrotchandthenbackup.
There.
Seewhathedoeswiththat.
“Willyouexcusemysister,she’s—”
“Kelsey,it’sokay,thecatisoutofthebag,”Isaytoshushher.“We’reengaged.Iknowitmaycomeasashocktosome,but”—Iwalkovertohimandtakehishandinmine—“we’reinlove.”
Iglanceoveratoneofthemenandhe’ssnickeringbehindhishand.That’sfuckingrude.
Ilookoverattheotherguy,andhissmilestretchesfromeartoear,butit’snotajoyoussmile,it’smoreofanamusedsmile.Whatthehellisgoingonhere?
“Sorry,”Isayafterapause.“Iwassortofexpectingaroundofapplauseorsomething,youknow,forourlove.”Alleyesonmestill—Huxleyisn’thelpingintheslightest—IlowermyselfuntilI’msittingonHuxley’slap.HishandfallstomysideandIwrapmyarmaroundhisneck.“Somuchlove,”Isay,gettingagoodwhiffofhislavishcologne.Ihatethatitsmellssogood.
Handonmyhip,Huxleykeepshiseyesonmeasheaskstheothers,“Willyougiveustheroom,please?”
Uhh…saywhatnow?
IglanceoveratKelsey,wholooksmorethanirritated,butshegathersherthingsandleavestheroom,followedbythetwomen.
Oncethedoorisshut,Huxleyasks,“Whatthehellwasthat?”Igotomoveoffhim,buthekeepsmeclose,hishandnowgrippingmyassandkeepingmetightagainsthisbody.
“Thatwasmetryingtofigureoutwhatthehellthisis.”Imotiontotheconferenceroom.“Youcouldn’thavetoldmeyouweremeetingwithmeandmysistertoday?”
“WhywouldItellyouwhenyoursisterclearlycouldhave?”
“Uh,Idon’tknow,youcould’vegivenmeaheads-upaboutwhomightbeinthemeeting.AmIsupposedtoplaydotingfiancée,orirritatedshrew?”
“AsmuchasIenjoyirritatedshrew…youcallthespectacleyoujustlaidoutdotingfiancée?Thatwasawkwardwomanunsureofwhattodo.”
“Becauseyouputmeinthatposition.Ihadnoideahowtoact.Idon’tknowwhoknowsaboutusandwhodoesn’t.WhenIshouldturnitonandwhenIshouldn’t.”
“Youshouldalwaysbeturnedonaroundme.”
Myeyeslevelwithhim.“Notthatkindofturnedon.God,youpervert.”
“Iwasn’ttalkingaboutthatkindofturnedon…”
“Yeah,okay,surrrre,”Ianswermaturely.“Eitherway,Ihadnoideahowtoreact,awkwardnessgotthebestofme,andthat’stheversionofmyselfyoureceived.IfI’mprepared,Iknowhowtoact,butwalkingoffanelevator,onlytoseeyoustandingtherewhenI’mnotexpectingit,threwmeoffmygame.”
Heslowlynods.“DidIintimidateyou?”
“No,”Ianswerquicklyashishandreachesupandpushesmyhairbehindmyear.“Whatareyoudoing?”Iaskinapanicasawaveofchillsstumbledownmyarmfromthegrazeofhisfingerovermycheek.
“Everyonecanseeus,”hesays,tiltinghisheadtotheside.“Andsincewe’reinmyoffice,wouldn’tyouthinkeveryonewouldneedtoseeustogether,seeusinteract,becausethemainpointofthisentirefarceissothatIcanscoreadeal?”
“Huh,”Isay,thinkingaboutit.“Yeah,Iguessthatmakessense.”
“Onethingyouneedtogetstraight,Lottie—Ialwaysmakesense.”
Myeyesconnectwithhis.“You’resonarcissistic.”
“Confident,”hereplies.
“Acockhole.”
Hisbrowsraise.“Whatthehellisacockhole?”
“Cockyasshole.Therefore,you’reacockhole.”
Hishandsmoothsdownmyassandbackup.Ineedtohatehowthatfeels,butforsomeabhorrentreason,Idon’t.Idon’tmindthefeelofhislargepalmskimmingovermybackside.
Jesus,Lordhelpme,there’ssomethingwrongwithme.
“So,becauseIknowwhatIwant,howIwantit,andwhenIwantit,thatmakesmeacockhole?”Hiseyesshifttomymouthandthenbackup.
Tensionbuildsinthehollowofmychest,atingling,heavy,throbbingsensation.OneI’veneverexperiencedbefore.
“No.”Iswallow,andforsomereason,Ilookathismouthforasecond,aswell.Hehasgreatlips.Nottoofullforaman,butjustenoughthatIknowifheeverhadtoplacehismouthonmine,itwouldn’tbeabadkiss.Justfromthewayhespeaks,withsuchcommand,there’snodoubtinmymindthathe’dbeagoodkisser.“Notthatitmatters,becauseitdoesn’t.You’reacockholebecauseyoudon’ttreatpeoplewithkindness.”
“Isee.”Hisstareisunwavering.“So,letmegetthisstraight,Idon’ttreatpeoplewithkindness.So,whatwouldyousaymakingsureyouhaveasolidmodeoftransportationis?OrwhatabouttheflowersIsenttoyourmomandJeff,congratulatingthemonanemptyhouse?”
Hesentthemflowers?Momdidn’tsayanything.
“OrhowaboutthelengthsIwenttoinmyhousetoensureyou’dbecomfortable?”
Whatlengths?
“OrthemeetingItookwithyoursistertoday,completelyrearrangingmyschedulesoshecouldpitchtous?Whatwouldyoucallthat?”
Uhhh…
I’mabouttoanswer,whentheconferenceroomdooropens.Huxleylooksovermyshoulderasafemalevoicesays,“I’msosorrytodisturbyou,Mr.Cane,butBowerisonlineone.”
Henodsandsays,“Thankyou,Karla.I’llberightthere.”
ThedoorswishesshutandHuxleyletsgoofme,helpingmesettleonthegroundbeforehestandsfromhischairandbuttonshissuitjacket.
Eyesboringintome,hesays,“I’llseeyouathome.”
Hestartstowalkaway,andIask,“Wait,whataboutthemeeting?”
“Looksasthoughyou’veusedupmytime.”
“What?”Ichaseafterhimandmoveinfrontofhislargebody.Icanfeeleyesonus,eyesfromaroundthecompany,soImakesuretokeepmyfrustrationatbayasIslidemyhandupthelapelofhissuitjacket.“Huxley,mysisterhasbeenpreparingforthismeetingallday.She’sgoingtobedevastatedifshecan’tpitchtoyou.”
“Somethingyoushould’vethoughtof.”
Hegoestomoveagain,butIstophim.“Please,Huxley.”
Hiseyesmeetmine,andforabriefmoment,Iseeahintofhumaninsidethem.Thismanreallydoeshaveasoul.It’srightthere,behindthedarkchocolateofhisholloweyes.
“I’llseeyouathome,”herepeatsandmovestotheside.“Andbytheway,ifyou’regoingtohelpyoursistersucceed,youshouldalwaysdoyourresearchoneveryclientyougotomeet.”
“Whatdoyoumeanbythat?”Iask.
“Themensittingwithme.They’remybrothers,notassociates.Andtheyknoweverythinggoingoninmylife.”
Myeyesnarrow,andItrytokeepittogetherasIask,“SoIdidn’thavetoputonanactatall?”
“No,youdidn’t.Theyknowexactlywhoyouareandwhatyou’redoingforme,butyou’dhaveknownthatifyouweretrulyprepared.PerhapsI’lltakeanothermeetingwithyoursisterwhenyoushowthatyoucanactuallyconductyourselfprofessionallyinabusinesssetting.”
AngershootstothetopofmyheadasIfeelmycheeksdarkenwithembarrassment.“Ihateyou,”IsaywithsuchvenomthatIcantastemyhatredforhimonthetipofmytongue.
“I’mwellawareofyourfeelingsforme.Noneedtoconstantlyrepeatthem.”Andwiththat,heheadsoutoftheconferenceroom,pastKelseywithoutasecondglance,andintothedepthsofhisoffice.IglanceatKelsey,whostandstherealone,herlaptopandportfolioinhand,lookingabsolutelydefeated.
Andthat’swhenithitsmehard.Ifuckedthisupforher.
Ifuckedupreallybadly.
***
Kelseyreachestoleavethecar,butIgrabherarmandstopher.“Please,Kelsey.Pleasejusttalktome.”
Shelowersherheadandshakesitfromsidetoside.“Idon’tevenknowwhattosaytoyouatthismoment.I’msoupset,Idon’twanttosaythewrongthing.”
“I’msorry,Kelsey.Ireallyam.”
Shelooksoverhershoulder,andIcanseethedisappointmentinhereyes.Itcutsthroughmelikerazor-sharpglass.
“Iunderstandyou’reinaweirdpositionrightnow.Youwerefiredbysomeoneyouthoughtyoutrusted,thrustintothisodddealwithaverydomineeringman,amanyoudon’tparticularlygetalongwith,andyou’retryingtofindyourwaythroughthismess.Butthatdoesn’tgiveyoutherighttobeamartyr.”
“Amartyr?”Iaskinsurprise.“I’mnotamartyr.”
“No?”sheasksassheturnsinherseattofaceme.“BecausefromwhereIsit,you’relookingprettycushyatthemoment.Notmanypeoplearegrantedtheopportunityyou’vebeengiven.Notonlyareyoulivinginsomemansionwithanextremelyhotman,butyouhadyourcollegeloanspaidfor,youdon’tneedtoworryaboutanyexpenses,andyouweregrantedachancetolivewithabusinessmanwho’sawealthofknowledge.Yourealizehe’sworthbillions,Lottie?BILLIONS.He’sbuilthisbusinessfromthegroundupwithhisbrothers,andinsteadofcapitalizingonthat,onhisexperience,onhisexpertiseinwhatyouspentfouryearsstudyingincollege,you’reincitinghimtoanger.Andyou’rehurtingthepeopleyoulovewhiledoingit.”
“It’snotthateasy,”Isay.
“It’snoteasytoloweryourguard,seethisincredibleopportunityatyourfeet,andbegrateful?”sheasks.“BecauseifIwereinyourposition,that’sexactlywhatIwouldbe.”
“Yousaythat,butyoudon’tknowuntilyou’reinmyshoes.”
Shenods.“You’reright,Iwouldhavenoideawhatyou’reexperiencing,butwhatIdoknowisthatwehadabigmeetingtoday,andinsteadofpushingyouregototheside,itspiked,andyouletittakeanopportunityfromus.WhenIsaythiscould’vebeenbig,Imeantit,Lottie.NotonlyisCaneEnterprisesworthbillions,buttheyownbusinessesandrealestatealloverLosAngeles,andinotherstates,aswell.Meaning,ifIweretolandanopportunityandtheylikedwhatwedid,theycouldhaveusedusnotjustfortheiroffice,butforeverypropertytheyown.Butyoudidn’tthinkaboutthatwhenyouweretryingtoputonsomeshowintheconferenceroom,didyou?”
“Ihadnoideahowtoact,”Ishootback.“He’sinmyhead.Idon’tknowhowtoapproachhim,howto…treathim.”
“Trywithalittlerespect,”Kelseysayswhileopeningherdoor.
“Hewastheonewhoprovokedmeinthatroom,”Isay,stillonthedefensive.
“Becauseyoulethim.HeseemedperfectlyfinefromwhereIstood.Youweretheonewholookedlikethefool.”Andwiththat,sheslamsthecardoorandwalkstowardherapartmentbuilding.
Irolldownthewindowandsay,“Youforgotyourlaptop.”
“Keepit.Theleastyoucandoisfixthewebsite.”
Thenshewalksintoherapartmentbuilding.
Anger,frustration,andembarrassmentclashwithinmeatthesametime,hittingmesquareinmychest,onlytotravelupmyneck,heatupmycheeks,andultimatelybringawaveoftearstomyeyes.
“Fuck,”Iquietlysayasatearcascadesdownmycheek.WhatHuxleyandKelseybothsaidwas100%correct.Bepreparedforeverymeeting.Knowwhoyou’remeetingwith.Knowyourownpresentationinsideandout.Goinwithconfidence,readytoanswereverypossiblequestion.Thesearebasicmeetingrequirements,andIdidn’tfollowanyoneofthem.Imadeamockeryofyearsofstudies.Why?Andofallpeopletoshowsuchlackofprofessionalismandpreparation,ithadtobetheownersofCaneEnterprises.Fuck.
AndKelsey’sbusiness.
KelseyandIhavehadourfairshareoffights,butforsomereason,thisonedoesn’tfeelasthoughitcanbefixedwithaDouble-DoubleandchocolatemilkshakefromIn-n-Out.Thisfeelsdeeper.
Thisfeelsdamaging.
Andthatfrightensmemorethananything.ChapterEleven
HUXLEY
“Ihaveaquestion,”Breakersaysashetakesaseatinmyoffice,JPfollowingclosebehindhim.
“What?”Iask,exhaustedfromthedayI’vehad.
“AreyoutryingtomakesureLottieabsolutelyabhorsyou?”
“Shealreadydoes.Idon’thavetodoanythingtoachievethat,”Isaywhileexitingoutofmyinboxandturningoffmycomputerforthenight.
“Everthoughtaboutgettingherto,Idon’tknow…likeyou?”Breakerasks.
“WhywouldIwanthertolikeme?Thisisabusinessarrangement.There’snothingmorethere.”
“Hedoesn’tmeanitlike…sexually,”JPsays.“Butdon’tyouthinkitwouldbeeasiertoworkwitheachotherifyouweren’tateachother’sthroats?”
“Probably,”Ianswer.
“Sothenwhyareyoupissingheroffeverychanceyouget?”Breakerasks.“Whatyoudidthisafternoon?”Heshakeshishead.“Brutal,man.”
“Yeah,Iactuallyfeltbadforthesister.Shelookeddefeated,”JPadds.
“Ididn’thaveachoice,”Isay.“Bowercalled.That’swhoI’vebeenworkingwithsinceIlefttheconferenceroom.”
Breakerperksup.“EverythingokayinNewYork?”
Ishakemyhead.Bowerisoursitemanager;heonlycallsoffscheduleifsomethingiswrong.“No.HewascallingtotellmetherewasanelectricalfireattheNinety-FifthStreetlocation.Firedepartmentwascalled,buildingevacuated,afewguyshadtobeevacuatedbytheFDNY.”Ipressmyhandtomyforehead.“Itwasagoddamnnightmare.Ispenttheentireafternoonreachingouttoallstaffaffectedtoensuretheywereokay.”
“Shit.”Breakerdragshishandoverhismouth.“Anyseriousinjuries?”
“Twomenhavethird-degreeburnsontheirarmsbuttheyseemtobeingoodspirits.Everyoneelseisfine,thankfully.”
“Christ,”JPsays.“Didwesendsomething?”
Inod.“Yes,sentsomethingtothehospital.OneoftheguyslovesacertaintypeofpizzaonNinthStreetandtheotherguyisobsessedwithGray’sPapaya.Imadesuretosendthembothdinner,alongwithsomecupcakesfromMagnoliaBakery.Ialsosenttheirfamiliessomethingaswell.Karlawillbetakingcareofdinnersforthecrewfortheweek.I’vecontactedinsurancetoletthemknowwhat’sgoingon.”Ileanbackinmychair.“I’llhaveKarlasetupanotherappointmentwithKelsey,becauseI’mquiteinterestedtoseewhatshecandoforthecompanyandpossiblyfutureoffices.”
“Seemsasthoughshehasaninterestingbusiness,”JPsays.
Breakerchuckles.“Ithinkyouweremoreinterestedinher…”
MybrowraisesasIswiveltowardJP.“Isthatso?”
Heshrugs.“Shewashot.”
“Hewasthinkingmorethanshewasjusthot.IcaughthimwritingJandKForeveronaPost-itinhisoffice.”
“Fuckoff,Iwasnot,”JPsays.“ImentionedtoBreakerthatshewashotandleftitatthat,andnowhe’sdreamingupsomebullshitinhishead.”
“Couldyouimagine?”Breakerasks.“Brothersgettingmarriedtosisters?That’safunstory.”
“You’velostyourgoddamnmind,”IsayasIstandfrommydesk.“Marriageisnotforme,letalonetosomeonelikeLottie.”
“What’sthatsupposedtomean?”Breakerasks,standingaswell.
Iputmyphoneinaninnerpocketofmysuitjacketandslipmywalletintomypantspocket.“She’samess.Disorderly,aloosecannon,andtooerraticformyliking.She’satotalwildcard,andIdon’tneedthatinmylife.”
Breakersmiles.“Ithinkyoudo.You’resuchanuptightasshole,andshemightbeabletoloosenyouup.”
“Therewillbenoloosening.”Weleavemyofficeandheadtowardtheelevators.Thefloorisquiet;we’rethelasttoleave.Wemighthaveabillion-dollarenterprise,butweunderstandwhatittakestomakesureemployeesarehappy,andthatmeansmakingsuretheyallgohometotheirfamiliesatfive.
JPpressesthedownbuttonontheelevator.“IthinkifanyoneneedsaLottieintheirlife,it’syou.”
Ipiercehimwithmygaze.“Don’tevenstartwiththatshit,okay?”
“He’sright,”Breakersays.“JustfromthesmallglimpseIcaught,shelookslikeaspitfire,andI’dverymuchenjoywatchingherdriveyounuts.”
“Shealreadydrivesmenuts.”
Theelevatordoorsopenandwestepinside.“Idon’tknow.Ithinkthere’ssomethingthere,”JPsays.“Didyouseeit,Breaker?”
Breakernodshishead.“Idid.”
“Youbotharesofullofshit.”
Weridetheelevatortoourprivateparkinggarage,andwhenthedoorspart,Idon’tbothertowaitformybrothersasIheadtomycar.
“Itwasthewayyoulookedatherwhenshegotofftheelevator,whensheapproachedyouintheconferenceroom,andwhenshesatonyourlap,”JPcallsout.“Therewasheatinyoureyes.”
Ignoringhim,Iunlockmycarandgetin.ThelastthingIneedismytwoidiotbrothersputtingideasinmyhead.There’snothingbutaplatonicpartnershiphappeningbetweenmeandLottie.
DoIfindherattractive?I’dbeblindnotto.She’sfuckingbeautiful,butIcanlookpastthat.
Anddidshelookfineashellinherform-fittingdresstoday?Yeah,shereallyfuckingdid,butonceagain,IcanlookpastthatbecauseI’maprofessionalandIknowhowtoseparateattractionandbusiness.
Aknockonmywindowstartlesme.Breakerisstandingrightoutsidemycar.Irolldownthewindowandsay,“Idon’tfuckinglikeher,okay?”
Breakersmilesandleansdownsohisarmsrestonmydoor.“Iwasn’tgoingtosayanythingaboutthat,butyourdefensivetoneisn’tmakingasolidcase.”I’mabouttorollupthewindowwhenhestopsmeandadds,“MakesureKarlamakesthatappointment.Ifeelreallyfuckingbadaboutskippingoutontheirpresentation.Wedon’tdoshitlikethat.”
“Iknow.”
“AndmakesureLottieknowsit.Explaintoherwhathappened.”
“Shedoesn’tneedtoknow.”
Breakernods.“Shedoes.Sheneedstobeabletotrustyou,Hux.Ifthisisgoingtowork,bothofyouaregoingtohavetodropthehateandlearntoworkwitheachothermoreharmoniously.Ifyoucan’t,soonerorlaterDaveisgoingtoseerightthroughitandyou’regoingtoloseeverythingyouworkedtoward.AndIknowthat’sthelastthingyouwant.”
Ithinkbacktotheconferenceroomandsay,“Shedidgiveoffthewrongenergy,evenwhenshewasattemptingtobethedotingfiancée.”
Breakernodsagain.“You’vegottoletup,man.Iknowyouliketokeeppersonalandbusinessseparate,butIthinkthisisatimewhenyoucan’tdothat.Youhavetoshowheryou’rehuman,orelseit’snevergoingtowork.”
Andthat’swhatI’mafraidof—showingherwhoIreallyam—becauseeventhoughI’lldenymyinterestinher,Iknowapartofme,deepdowninside,knowsifIgottoknowher,ifshegottoknowme,theremightbesomethingthere.
Mixingpersonalwithbusinessisahugerisk.Linesgetblurred,promisesgetlost,anditneverworksout,ever.It’swhyIneedtokeepmydistance,whywebothneedtokeepourdistance.
“I’llgiveitsomethought,”Isay,eventhoughIknowIwon’t.
AllittookwasonemealwithLottie,onemealatChipotle,andIknewshewasdifferent.Iknewshecouldbetrouble.She’sunlikeanywomanI’veevermet.Filterfree,shesayswhat’sonhermind,sheshowsnoremorsetowardhermessiness,she’soutgoingandupforanything,andthere’snoholdingbackwithher.It’swhyIneedtoremainstoic,whyIneedtocontinuetokeepspacebetweenus;ifIdon’t,IknowI’llbewreckedintheend.
Lottiecouldwreckme.Butthere’snowayinhellI’mtellingmybrotherthat.He’sfartooinsightful,damnhim.
***
“WillMissLottiebejoiningyou?”Reignasks.
Inod.“Yes,she’sjustfinishinguponsomething.”Iglancedownatthehomemadepizzaandsay,“Thislooksamazing.”
“Thankyou.Ialsomadesomedarkchocolateraspberrymoussefordessert.I’llbringitoutwhenyoutellmeyou’reready.Untilthen,it’schillinginthefridge.”
“Thankyou,Reign.”Hetakesoff,andIreachformyphone.ItextedLottiefiveminutesago,lettingherknowdinnerwasready.Ihaven’tseenhersinceI’vebeenhome.FromwhatIcouldtell,shecamehomeandwentstraighttoherroom,whereshe’sbeenhidingouteversince.There’snodoubtthelastthingshewantstodoiseatdinnerwithme,especiallyaftereverythingthathappenedtoday,butsheneedstoeat.
I’mabouttostandfrommychairandgethermyselfwhenshedescendsthestairs.She’swearingoneofthesilkrobesIhadpurchasedforher.Thisonematcheshereyes,adeepjadegreen.Asshetakesthelastfewstepsdown,Iwatchtheslitoftheroberideuphertannedbareleg.Myeyestraveltoherwaist,wherethetieiscinchedtightly,accentuatingherpetiteframe,andthenmyeyeslandonherbreasts,whichgentlyswayasshemakesittothemainlevel.
There’snomistake—she’snotwearinganythingunderthatrobe.
Whenhereyesmeetmine,shesays,“Iwastakingabathwhenyoutexted.”Hervoiceismonotone,devoidofanylife.Hereyesaresullen,andeventhoughshelookstemptinginthatrobe,sheisn’tstruttingwithconfidencelikeshenormallydoes.
Breaker’swordscomebacktohitmehardinthechest.
Youhavetoshowheryou’rehuman,orelseit’snevergoingtowork.
Lottiepullsoutherchairandtakesaseat.Shedoesn’tacknowledgetheplacesetting,me,oreventhefood.Instead,sheunfoldshernapkin,setsitonherlap,andthenpicksupherforkandknifeandcutsasmallpieceofpizza.IwatchasherlipsformanOshapeandsheblowsonthesteamingpizza.
There’snohumor,noanger,just…nothing…toherpersonality.It’salmostasifthebathshejusttookwashedawayanyremnantsoftheLottieI’vecometoknowoverthepastfewdays.
Thespiceisgone.
Thehatredisgone.
Thearguingisnowheretobeseen.
She’shollow.
DidIdothattoher?
Andeventhoughshe’sgratedonmynervesforwhat’sfeltlikeeverygoddamnsecondshe’sbeenaround,I’dtakethatoverthisLottieanyday.
Ithinktodaybrokeher,andthatdoesn’tsettlewellwithme.Imaybearuthlessbastardattimes,butthis…thisdoesn’tfeelright.
TherulesI’vesetfirmlyinplacewhenitcomestobusinesswaverasIfeelaninherentneedtotellherwhathappenedtoday,tobringbacksomeofthelifethat’svanishedfromhereyes.“ItwasanimportantphonecallIneededtotake.”Myeyesfalltoher,lookingforanysortofreaction.
“I’msure,”shesaysquietly,buthertonehasanedgetoit,asifshedoesn’tbelieveme.
Idon’tneedtoexplainmyself.Idon’toweheranysortofexplanationregardingmyworkandhowIconductbusiness,butIstillfindmygutchurning.Iwanttoseethatfireinhereyesagain.
“Aren’tyougoingtoaskwhatcouldpossiblybemoreimportantthanyoursister?”
Sheglancesinmydirection,thosecut-downeyesmovingovermyfaceforabriefsecondbeforetheyreturntoherfood.“WhywouldIaskthat?Ialreadyknowtheanswer.”
“Andwhatwouldthatbe?”Iask.
“Thatit’snoneofmybusiness.”Shesetsherforkandknifedownandsays,“IknowwhereIstandinyourscaleofimportance,Huxley.Explanationisnotneeded.”
Shepushesfromthetable,stands,andheadstowardthestairs.
“You’renotdonewithyourdinner.”
“I’mnothungry,”shesaysasshewalksupthestairs,herrobebillowingawayfromherlegs.
She’sjustgoingtoleavelikethat?
Withnothingelsetosay?
Nofire?
Nosnarkycomment?
Nofuriousglanceinmydirection?
Thatwon’tdo.
Eyesstillfixedonthestairs,mymindwhirlswithwhattodo.I’veneverdealtwithemotionwhenitcomestobusiness,soI’minunchartedterritoryhere.ButIhatetoadmitBreakermightberight.IneedLottietobeasolidparticipantinthisscheme,andifshe’supset,I’mnotsureshe’llbewillingtoworkwithmethewayIneedherto.
ButhowthefuckdoImakeherhappywithoutgettingtooinvolved?
Iblowoutaheavybreathoffrustrationandthenpushawayfromthetableandchargeupthestairsbehindher.NotsurewhatI’mgoingtodo,butIcan’tletherwalkawaylikethat.
She’salmosttoherroomwhenIcatchuptoher.“Youcan’tgotobedhungry,”Isay,unsureofwhatelsetosay.
“IcandowhateverthehellIwant,”shesays,atouchofthatedgecomingbacktohervoice.
That’swhatIwantedtohear.Asnappyresponse.Keeppressing,Hux.
Reachingout,Itakeherhandandpullherbackbeforeshecangoanyfarther.Shewhipsaroundtofaceme,herexpressionregisteringshock.“Whatthehelldoyouthinkyou’redoing?”sheasks,thatsparkinfullforcenow.
Better.
“Remindingyouwho’sincharge.”
Sheattemptstoyankherhandaway,butinsteadoflettinggo,Iliftherhandupandpressitagainstthewallbehindher.
HereyeswidenasIkeepherhandheldtightlyaboveher.
“Noneedtoremindmewho’sincharge.Yourobsceneinabilitytocareaboutothersisquiteclear.Whatyousay,goes.”
“Isthatso?”Iask,wantingtopushherfurther,wantingtodragthatpersonalitybackout.So,Igripherhipwithmyfreehandandsteadyheragainstthewall.“Thenhowcomeyou’realwaystestingme?”
“HowdoItestyou?”sheasks.Herchestheavesasitrisesandfallsatamorerapidrate.
“Doyouconsiderthisproperdinnerattire?”Iaskher,playingwiththetieofherrobe,gaugingherreactionassomethingcomesoverme.Something…primal.
Butthisprimalsideseemstodrawoutherpersonality.Itseemstobreathelifebackintohersnarkyself.
Andthat’swhatIwant.
IwantLottieback.
Iunderstandthisiscrossingtheline—touchingher,pinningheragainstthewalllikethis—butseeinghersosullen,sodefeated,awokesomethinginsideofme.Idon’thandlesituationslikethiswell,Idon’tknowhowtocheersomeoneup—that’sobviousfromthewayI’mpressingherbuttonsratherthanshowingempathy—butmybraindoesn’tseemtoworkthewayitneedsto.
“Wasn’tawaretherewasadresscodefordinner.”Sheglancesatmysuitpantsandrolled-updressshirt.“Wasitbusinesscasual?WouldyoupreferitifIworemydressinstead?”
“Iwouldpreferitifyoucamebackdownstairsandfinisheddinner.”
“ItoldyouIwasn’thungry,”sheshootsback.
Talkingsternly,Isay,“AndIseethatasanexcusetonotbearoundme.Itwasbusiness,Lottie.Nothingyouneedtotakepersonally.”
“Nottakepersonally?”sheretorts.“Jesus,I’msosickofyousayingthatbullshit.”Shegoestomove,butIholdherinplace.“It’shardnottotakeeverythingyoudopersonallywhenthere’semotionattachedtoitforme.Ican’tbesoblackandwhitelikeyou.Ihavefeelings,Huxley.”
“Thentellmewhatyou’refeeling.”
Herchinlifts.“Youcan’thandlewhatI’mfeeling.”
“Tryme.”
Shepauses.
Studiesme.
Then…
Shewetsherlips.“Fine.I’mmadatmyselfforgettinginvolvedinthismess.I’mmadthatIfuckedupmysister’smeetingtoday,onethatsheworkedhardpreparingfor,giventheshortnotice.I’mfuriousthatIdon’thaveenoughcouragetotellmymomthatshewasright,thatInevershould’vetakenthatjobwithAngela.Ihatethatmyprideismoreimportantthanthetruth.Andmostofall”—hereyesscanmeupanddown—“I’veneverdespisedsomeoneasmuchasIdespiseyou.Ithinkyou’recold,baseless,andhavenoregardforanyonebutyourself.IhatethatIhavetorelyonyou,thatyouneedtorelyonme,andmostimportantly”—shecatchesherbreathandherfingerscurlaroundmyhandthat’spinningherarmtothewall—“IhatethatIthinkyou’reevenremotelyattractive.”
AlightsheenofsweatbreaksoutatthenapeofmyneckasIfeelthisurgetopullherforciblytowardme.
I’veseenthewayshelooksatme.I’venoticedherwanderingeyes,butshe’snevervoicedherappreciationbefore.
And,fuck,itmakesmefeelweak.Weakenoughtosuccumb…
“Youdon’tneedtobeangry.Yoursisterwillgetanotherchance.Itoldyou,thephonecallwasimportant.”MytoneisclippedasIwatchherlipsparteversoslightly,justenoughtoenticeme.
Enoughtodrivemewild.Justenoughtomakemywillslip.
“Idon’tbelieveyou.”Hervoiceisfirmyetsoft,andthesoundofitpoundsanothercrackintomywall.
Myhandpressesharderagainstherhip.
Mythumbstrokesthesoftfabricoftherobe.
Andtomysatisfaction,alow,almostinaudiblemoanfallspastherlips.
“Karlashould’vealreadycontactedyoursisteraboutsettingupanothermeeting.”Thepushandpullbetweenusintensifiesasmyfingersitchtotouchhermore,toslipunderherrobe.“It’sdone.Asforyourguiltaboutnottellingyourmomthetruth,that’sonyouandnoneofmygoddamnbusiness.”
Igripherhandtighter,theonethat’spinnedagainstthewall,andwhenherfingerscurlaroundmine,anotherpartofmebecomesunhinged.Theneedforthiswomanpummelsme,andIcanfeelmyselfholdingonbyathread.
Continuing,Isay,“Andyourhatredforme…youshouldknowthathatredisn’tmutual.”
Herpiercingeyesmatchmine.Hervoicewaversasshesays,“You’veonlyeverexpresseddistasteforme.”Butthatwaverinhervoicedoesn’tmatchtheboldnessinheractionsasshetakesholdofmyhandrestingonherhipandslowlyshiftsitinward…
Untilmyfingerstanglewiththetieofherrobe.
Don’tfuckingtemptme.
Imaybeabletoseparatebusinessandpleasure,butwhenthelinestartstoblur,whenmymindfeelsfoggyandconfused,theremaynotbeanystoppingme.
AndIfeelconfused.
Ifeelsogoddamnfoggy.
Mybodyhumswithindecision,thewrongdecisionpullingmecloserandclosertoher.
“I’veexpressedannoyance,frustration,irritation,butnothate.You’retheonewhohasexpressedhate.”Myfingertoyswiththesilkribbon.“Ihavenoproblemwithyou.”
“Liar,”shesays.
“Whydon’tyoutrustme?”
“Youhaven’tgivenmereasonto,”shesays.Herhandglidesupmychest,stoppingatmyshoulder,leavingatrailofheatinitswake.
MyteethrollovermybottomlipasIgentlytugonthetieofherrobe.
Shedoesn’tprotest.
Instead,herbodymovesclosertomine.
Fuck.Mycontrolisbarelyhangingon;it’steetering,readytosnap.
Readytocombust.
“HaveIgonebackonanythingI’vesaid?”
“No,”shesaysbreathlessly,herchestarchingawayfromthewall.Themovementpullsatthefabricoftherobe.Myeyesslidedowntoherchest,wherethelapelsoftherobedancedangerouslyopen.Hell,whatdothosegorgeoustitslooklikebare?Aretheysensitive?IfIbroughtthemintomymouth,wouldshemoaninsatisfaction?
Unabletoholdback,Itugonthetieonemoretime,looseningoneend.Thesmallopeningteasesme,temptsmeevenfurther.Itignitesthefirepulsingthroughmyveins.
Fuck,whatareyoudoing,Huxley?
Somethingyoushouldn’tbedoing.
But,fuck,she’ssotempting.Iknowthere’snothingunderthisrobe,nothingbuthersmoothbody.Iglancedownatherbreasts,andI’mrewardedtoseeherpebblednipplesrubbingagainstthesilkofthefabric.They’resosmall,sogoddamnsexy.
Attemptingtofocusonourconversation,Isay,“SoifI’venevergonebackonanythingI’vepromisedsofar,whynotrust?”
Herhandfloatstothebackofmyneck,wheresheslowlyplayswiththeshortstrandsofmyhair.“Becauseyou’redeceitful.”
“Normally,I’mnot.”Myfingersitchtotugonthetieonemoretimesotherobeopens.ButIholdstill.
“ExcusemeifIcan’ttakeyourwordforit.”
Rollingmyteethovermylips,Iask,“Okay,sohowcanIproveittoyouthatyoucantrustme?”
Hereyesbecomeheadyassheremovesherhandfrommyneckandrunsitupherbody,tothegapeoffabricbarelycoveringherchest.Tantalizingme,herfingerscaresshercleavage.Mygoddamnmouthwaters.“Don’tgobackonyourpromises.”
“ButIhaven’t.”
Hereyesconnectwithmine,andshesays,“Evenyoursilentones.”Then,tomysurprise,sheundoesherrobe,thesidesfallopen,exposingthecenterlineofherbody.
Fuck.
Fuckme.
Inseconds,Igrowhard.Butinsteadofwalkingawayormaulingher,Idecidetotorturemyselfandslowlytakeherin,startingatherchest,wheretherobehangsontoherbreasts,barelycoveringthem,tormentingme.Thenmyhungryeyesmovedownhertautstomachtohercompletelysmoothpussy.Mymouthwatersfromthesightofher.She’sonlyofferingabriefpreview,butit’senoughtodrivemecrazy.Topushmeoverthegoddamnedge.
She’stestingme.She’sseeinghowfarI’llgo.
Littledoessheknow…
Istartedthis.
Iwastheonewhopinnedheragainstthewall.
Iwastheonewhopulledonthetie.
AndI’mtheonewhoshouldfinishthis.
“JustwhatIthought,”shesays.“Youcan’tfollowthroughonwhatyoustart.Likethebusinessmeeting.”
“Itoldyou,Icouldn’tpreventwhathappenedtoday.”
“Youcould’ve,youchosenotto.”
Myteethgrind.
“Andrightnow,I’mstandinghere,almostcompletelynakedinfrontofyou.Isn’tthatwhatyouwanted?Tocontrolme?Tocontrolmybody?Andinsteadoffollowingthrough,yougostill.”
Isshefuckingkiddingmerightnow?
ShethinksI’malltalk?
Howlittlesheknowsme.
“Notstill,Lottie.”Istepcloser.“Stiff.Igofuckingstiff.”Withthat,Islidemyhandontoherbarehip,continuingtokeepherhandpinnedaboveherhead.
Shegaspsfrommyabrupttouch,andwhenIslidemyhandtoherbacksideanddownthatsweetassofhers,shenibblesonherbottomlip.
“AndIdidn’tstartthis,”Isay,eventhoughIdid.“Youshoweduptodinner,wearingnothingbutthisrobe.”
“Ishowedupyesterdayinanegligee.Howisthisdifferent?”
IfloatafingernearhercrackasImovemyhandnorth,toherlowerback,whereIgriphertightly,pullingherclosetome.
“Thiswasintentional.”
“Asmuchasyou’dliketobelieveit,Huxley,itisnotmyintentiontotrytoturnyouon.It’stospendaslittletimewithyouaspossible.”
“Thenwhyaren’tyouleavingnow?”Iask,bringingmyhandtothefrontofherbody,andIsmoothlydragmyfingerstojustaboveherpelvicbone.Awaveoflusthitsher—it’sinhereyes,inthewayshegentlyshifts,spreadingherlegsslightly.
“Callingyourbluff,”sheanswers.“You’dnevertouchme—”
“Touchyoulikewhat?”Iaskasmyfingerslidesoverherarousedslit.
Shesucksinasharpbreathasherheadfallsbacktothewallandherpelvissticksout.
“Touchyoulikethis?”Isweepanotherfinger,butthistimeIslidedeeper,connectingagainstherclit.Fuck.She’ssosoft.“BecauseneverunderestimatewhatIwon’tdo.”Watchinghowresponsiveherbodyistomytouch,Isay,“Tellmeyouwantmore.”
Sheshakesherhead.“No.I’dnevergiveyouthatsatisfaction.”
“Isee.”Twocanplaythisgame.Keepingherpinned,IstaredownathersmoothpussyasIbringtwofingerstogetherandslidethemupanddownherslit,allowingherclittocatchbetweenthem.Igentlysqueezeandpulse.
“OhGod,”shewhispers.Herheadwhipstothesideandhergriponmyhandgrowstighter.
Ipulsemyfingers,teasingherentrance.ShespreadsjustalittlewiderformeandItakethatasaninvitation.Isliponefingerinsideher.
Fuckyes,she’stight.
Andwet.
Reallyfuckingwet.
Movingincloser,mylipsaretemptedtopressagainstherheatedskin,butIrefrain.Thisisaboutprovingapoint.ThisisaboutshowingherexactlywhatIcandotoherbodywithjustmyhand.
Idragmyfingeroutandthensmoothmythumboverherclit.ShesucksinahissofbreathasIapplymorepressureandmakesmall,circularmotions.
“Yes,”shewhispers,herhipsbeggingformore.ButIkeepmytouchlight,allowingthegentlepressureIhaveonhertodrivehernuts.
Slowcircles.
Roundandaround.
Buildingher.
Climbingher.
Drivinghercrazy.
Herteethdragoverherbottomlip.Herchestheaves,herrobebarelycoveringhertitsnow.AnysharpmovementandI’llseeallofher.Andthegripshehasonme,onmyhand,issotightthattheremightbebruisesinthemorning.
Butit’llbeworthit.
Becausewatchingherlikethis—submittingtome,lettingmetouchher,bringhertoherpeak—it’sallfuckingworthit.
“More,”shewhispers.“Givememore.”
JustwhatIwantedtofuckinghear.Ireleaseherhand,andbeforeshecanprotest,Iturnheraroundsoshe’sfacingthewall,bothhandssplayedoutashercheeklandslightlyagainstthewhitesurface.Frombehind,IcupherpussyandpullherassagainstmycrotchsoshecanfeelhowhardIam.
HerraspygaspbringsmepleasureasIslidemyfingeracrossherclitagainandagain.
“Doyouhatemerightnow?”Iaskher,toyingwiththelittlenub,makingherentirebodytrembleagainstmine.
“Morenowthanever.”
“BecauseIknowhowtobringyoupleasure?”Iask,mylipspressingagainstherear.
“Yes.”Islidetwofingersinsidehernow.Sheletsoutalowmoan.
“YouwishthatIwasn’tfuckingyouwithmyfingersrightnow?”
Istarttopullthemoutbutsheletsoutaprotest.“No,Ido.”
“Youdo,what?”Iask,mycocksogoddamnhardthatit’spressingpainfullyagainstthezipperofmypants.
“Fuckme.Iwantyoutofuckme.”
Withmyotherhand,IsmoothupthecolumnofherneckandtiltherheadbacksoI’mtalkingdirectlyintoherear.“So,youhateme,butyouwanttofuckme.”Mythumbpressesdownonherclitandsheletsoutastrangledgasp.“Howcloseareyou?”
“Close,”shewhispers,herbodyshakingundermyhold.“Soclose.”
“Good,”Isay,justbeforeremovingmyhandfromherpussy.
“Wh-whatareyoudoing?”Herconfusedgaspgivesmegreatpleasure.
“WhyshouldIgiveyouanorgasm,Lottie?WhyshouldIfinishyouoff?”
“Becauseyou’reabastardifyoudon’t.”Herpalmsflattenagainstthewallasherheadbendsforward.Everymuscle,everyfiberofherbeingistense.
Iworkmyfingeroverherclitagain,watchingcarefullyasshetensesmore,herbackarching.Iwanttobringhertotheedge,tothepointwhereshe’sabouttofallover.“YoualreadythinkI’mabastard,sowhatdoesitmatter?Youthinktheworstofme,Lottie.IfIletyoucome,youwillstillthinktheworstaboutme.”
“ButatleastI’llknowyoucancommandmybody.Andisn’tthatwhatyouwant?Control?”
Sheknowshowtotalktome,sheknowswhatIliketohear,andthat’sscary.Because,yes,Idowantcontrol.Iwanthertolayhereyesonmeandheatup.IwanthertocravemewhenIwalkintotheroom.AndIknowIshouldn’t,Iknowthisisstrictlybusiness,butsheunleashedsomethinginsidemetonight.AndnowIfeel…desperate.
“Tellme.”Ipinchherclit,evokingaloudmoanfromher.“WhenIwalkintotheroom,doesyourbodyheatup?”
Shedoesn’tanswerrightaway,buttakesasecondtocatchherbreath.“No,”shefinallysays.
Pressingmyentirebodyagainsthers,Iask,“Whythehellnot?”
“Because,”shegaspsasIrubherclitbetweenmyfingers.“Fuck,”shemutters,herbreathheavy.“BecauseIdon’tknowhow…howhardyoucanmakemecome.”
“Isthatachallenge?”Iaskher,releasingherclitandcausinghertonearlycollapseagainstmychest.Herentirebodyshakes,andIknowshe’srightwhereIwanthertobe.She’srightwhereIneedher.
“It’sarequest,”shesays,hervoicesofullofvulnerabilitythatmyideaofedginghertoherorgasmandleavinghertheretofinishherselfoffslipsfrommymind.AlthoughI’dlovetoseeherbeg,plead,andthenstormoffinanger—knowingshe’lluseoneofthosevibratorstomakeherselfcome—Iwanthertoknowthatshe’sright,thatIdocommandherbody.
Imovemyhandbacktoherpussy,butIjustcupher,makingsuretokeepmyhandstilldespitethewaysheshakesbeneathme.
“Listentome,Lottie.”Whenshedoesn’tacknowledgeme,Igriphertighter.“Areyoulistening?”
“Yes,”sheanswersbreathlessly.
“Iwasn’tgoingtoletyoucome,Iwasgoingtoedgeyououtuntilyouwerecrying,beggingformore,butyourlackoftrustorevenregardformeisdisconcerting.”IpressmylipsrightagainstherearasIstarttopulsemyfingeroverherclit.“I’magoodman.Youmightnotseeitnow,butyouwill.”
“Thiswon’tchangeanything,”shesays.
“That’saboldfacedlie,”Isayasherlegstightenaroundmyhandandherbodystiffensevenmore.“Thiswillchangeeverything.Youmightstillhateme,youmightstillnotwanttolookatme,butyou’lldamnwellknow,youfuckingcraveme.”
Iapplymorepressureandmovefasterandfasteruntilsheclampsaroundmeandmoansagainstthewallasherpelvisrocksacrossmyfinger.
Shecomes.
Andshecomeshard.Myhandissoakedbyherarousal,andshegrindsagainstme,hermoansmuffledbythewall.Sheridesoutherorgasmandeveryspasmuntilthere’snothingleftinsideofhertogive.
Ipullmyhandawayandspinherbackaround,plantingherbackagainstthewall.Itiltherchinupsohereyesmeetmine,andthat’swhenIdragmyfingerthatwasjustteasingherpussyacrossmytongue.Hereyesturnheadyasshewatchesmetasteeverylastinchofmyfingers.
“You’refuckingdelicious.”Ireachforthesashofherrobeandtiethetwoendstogether,closingofftheviewofherdelectablebody.“IfKarladoesn’tsetupanotherappointmentwithyoursister,letmeknow.I’llmakesureherpitchisheard.”Icuphercheek,studyingthosemesmerizingeyesofhers.“Haveagoodnight,Lottie.”
Stillhungry—nowforthefuckingincredibletasteofher—Ireleaseherandreturntothediningroom.Icansmellheronmyfingers.Onmyhand.Icantasteheronmytongue.Asifshe’sstillmillimetersfrommylips.AndIwanttotastehersomemore.Iwanttofuckheragainstthatwall.
She’s.Not.For.You.
Mymindraceswithwhatshemightbethinking.Doesshewantme?Doesshestillhateme?
DoIstillwanthertohateme?ChapterTwelve
LOTTIE
Takingadeepbreath,IknockonKelsey’sdoor.
CoffeeanddonutsareinhandasIwaitnervouslyoutside.
Ididn’ttextherlastnight,Ididn’tevenbothercontactingher,becauseIknowhowmysisterworks.Whenshegetsmad,sheneedstime,andsheneedsspace.I’mhopinganightawaywasallsheneeded,because,JesusChrist,Ineedsomeonetotalkto.
Ineedsomeonebad.
AfterwhathappenedinthehallwaywithHuxley,Ineedtogetitoffmychest,andKelseyistheonlyonewhoknowswhat’sactuallygoingoninmylife.
Lastnight,Ifelt…defeated.IfeltasthoughIletdownmyentirefamily,andthelastthingIwantedtodowashavedinnerwithHuxley.IknewifIdidn’tshowup,he’dmakeabigdealaboutit,soIdidtheabsoluteminimum.AndthenIleft.Ididn’tthinkhe’dchaseafterme,andIcertainlydidn’tthinkhe’dattempttotakeoffmyrobe,letalonemakemecomealloverhisfingers.I’mnotreallysureifwearingtherobehadbeentoteasehim,ifI’mhonest.
Inibbleonmybottomlip,stillthinkingaboutthewayhisstrong,commandingvoicefeltrightupagainstmyear,howhishandfeltsolargeonmybody,howdesperatelyIwantedhislipstotrailupmyneckandacrossmyjaw.
Itrulydohatetheman,there’snoquestionaboutthat,but,ohmyGod,ishehot.Heknowsexactlyhowtousehisvoice,hisbody,inawaythatwillmakeanyonefallathisfeet—meincluded.
Andthatorgasm…Christ.Itwaswithjusthisfingers,andyet,itfeltasthoughheattackedmeinawayIcan’tevendescribe.IfeltasifIwereunderaspellandtheonlywaytosnapoutofitwaswithanorgasm.Andthatorgasmdelivered.Itwassogood,sosatisfying,thatIwasstillturnedonwhenIwentbackintomyroom,andIhadtorideitoutonThoronemoretimewiththememoryofHuxley’sdominantvoiceplayingoverandoverinmyhead.
Butwhat’sreallyrockingmyworldisnotonlywhathesaidafter,butthewayhesaidittome.Gently,holdingmychinsoIwasforcedtolookhimintheeyes,hemadesureIunderstoodthathe’dtakecareofmysister.Thathe’dmakesureshewasheard.
Whenheleft,Istoodthere,stunned.
Therewasnoharshtone,therewasnosarcasticjab,itwasasifIwasbackinChipotle,talkingtothemanIfirstmet.Itwasconfusing.It’swhyIneedKelseytoforgivemeandopenthisdoor.
ImpatientlyIshiftmyfeetuntilthedoorunlocks,andIholdmybreath.Kelseyappearsontheotherside,butinsteadofwearingherusualboss-ladyattire,she’sinapairofcottonshortsandatanktop.
OhGod,whathappened?
Iswallowhard,smile,andholdupthecoffeeanddonuts.“I’msorry.”
Sheeyestheitemsinmyhandandthenopensthedoormoretoletmein.
Steponecomplete:I’minsidetheapartment.Igotothekitchen,grabplates,andseteverythingoutonherdiningtable.Shetakesaseatacrossfromme,pullingoneofherlegsagainstherchest,andwatchesasIcarefullytakeouteachdonut,putitonaplatterbetweenus,setthebagontheground,andthenhandherthecoffeeIknowsheloves—ahouseblendwithfrothedmilkandasplashofcaramel.ShetakesasipandIholduptheplate,whichbearsagiantbearclaw,anapplefritter,amapleLongJohn,andofcourse,theclassicBostoncream.Aspredicted,shepicksuptheapplefritterandIgofortheBostoncream.
“I’mreallysorry,Kels.Yesterdaywasn’tmybestshowing,butIpromise,itwon’thappenagain.Iworkedalldayonthewebsite,andIhavesomethingstoshowyou,somethingsIthinkyou’ll—”
“Karlacalled.”
Ipause.WhydoIknowthatname?Karla…Karla…
“Huxley’sassistant,”sheoffers.
“Oh…OH!Shedid?Huxleysaidshewould.Didshesetupanothermeetingtime?”
Kelseynods.“Shedid.ThisFridayatthree.Wehavemoretimetoprepare,whichisnice.Wecancomeupwithagreatpresentationnow,fine-tuneeverything.”
“That’sgreat,”Isay,feelingexcited.ButI’msensingKelseyisn’tasexcitedasme.“What’swrong?That’sgreat,right?”
“It’swonderful.”
“Thenwhyisyourtoneofvoicenotmatchingyourexcitement?”
Shesetshercoffeedownandasks,“DoyouknowwhyHuxleyleftthatmeeting?”
Ishakemyhead.“Hedidn’tsaywhy,justthatitwasimportant.OhGod,wasitnotimportant?”Ileanforward.“Figureshe’dgoandlieaboutsomethinglikethat.”
“Hewasn’tlying,”Kelseysays.“Itwasimportant.OneoftheirpropertiesinNewYorkCityhadanelectricalfire.Twomenhadthird-degreeburns,otherssomesmokeinhalation.”
“Oh…God,really?”Iask,feelingmyselfshrinkintoanincrediblysmallversionofmyself.Hewasn’tlying.He’dbeenneededforsomethingcritical.Essential.
“Yes.Karlaapologizedfortakingsolongtogetbacktomewithrescheduling,becausesheandHuxleyspenttherestofthedayonthephonemakingarrangementsfornotonlythevictimsthemselvesbutalsothefamiliesofthevictims.”Kelseyleansforwardandsays,“Apparentlyhepersonallycalledeveryoneofthem.Thenhesenttheirfavoritemealstothehospitalandtothefamilies.”
Iblinkafewtimes,attemptingtocomprehendwhatKelsey’stellingme.“He…hedid?”
Shenods.“Yes,hedid.”Shepicksupherdonut.“DoyouknowwhyI’mtellingyouthis?”
“Tomakemefeellikeanasshole?”
Sheshakesherhead.“No,I’mtellingyouthissoyoucanlightenuparoundhim.He’sagoodguy.Theremighthavebeensomeheadbuttingbetweenthetwoofyou,butatsomepoint,youneedtoletthatgo.He’shelpingyou,he’shelpingus,andthat’ssomethingyouneedtobegratefulfor.Yesterdayshould’veneverhappened.YouknowIloveyou,butitwascompletelyunprofessional.There’snowayyou’dhavedonesomethinglikethatifyouwerestillworkingforAngela.”
Istaredownatmyuntoucheddonutandswipeatthefrostingwithmyfinger.“You’reright.Ineverwould’veactedthatwayinfrontofAngelaorinfrontofprospectiveclients.”I’vehadalotoftimetothinkaboutmyreactionsthroughoutthenight…well,beforetheorgasm,ofcourse.AndwhenIconsideredobjectivelyhowinsanelyridiculousandunprofessionalmybehaviorwas,Iwasmorethanmortified.Mywishhadbeentoputmystudiestouse,tohelpKelseygrowherbusinesstothenextlevel.AllIcouldattributemybehaviortowasshock.Misplacedanger.Immaturity.
“IthinkI’vebuiltthiswholesituationupinmyhead,andinsteadofbreathinginadeepbreathandtakingeverythingthrownmywayonestepatatime,I’mreactingwithoutthought.”Isighandleanbackintothechair.“Ihatetothrowoutexcuses,butthiswholethingwithgettingfired…Ithinkit’sfuckingwithmyhead.Insteadofgivingmyselftimetomourn,I’mtakingoutmyangeroneveryonearoundme,Huxleyincluded.”
Kelseynods.“Thatmakessense.You’vebeenrather…edgylately.”
Ismirk.“I’malwaysedgy.Howaboutmoreirritable?”
“Okay,I’llgiveyouthat.”
Ireachacrossthetableandtakeherhandinmine.“I’mreallysorry,Kels.Ipromise,fromhereonout,it’llbenothingbutprofessionalismfromme.Okay?”
“Okay.”Shetakesabiteofherdonut.“Nowshowmewhatyou’vedonewiththewebsite.”
“AfterItakedownthisdonut.Ididn’teatdinnerlastnightandI’mfamished.”
***
“Wait,sowecansellthesustainableproductsstraightfromourwebsite?”Kelseyasksaswebothhunkerdownathercomputer,staringatthescreen.
“Yes.Ijusthavetoinstallthisapp,andwecanconvertallsalesthroughthewebsite.Mindyou,wewon’tmakeahugeprofit,butit’llbenicesupplementalincome,whileclientsgetthechancetobrowsetheproductsweworkwith.Andwecansortitbyhowyou’duseeachproduct,so,bathroomstorage,pantry,etcetera.”
“Thisisgreat.”Kelseysitsback.“Wouldwepurchasetheproductwholesale?”
Ishakemyhead.“No,Isentanemailtoyoursupplieryesterdayaskingifwecouldsetupacontractwherewenotonlyusetheirproductforeveryprojectwedo,butwealsobecomeanofficialsupplier.Iexplainedthatwehavesomemajorprojectsintheworksandwanttomakesurewehaveasolidproductbasetoturnto.”
“Seriously?”
Inod.“AndIknowit’sasmallpercentage,butIsaidifwelandthisbigclientwe’vebeentalkingto,wewouldliketostarttalksaboutourownproductline.”
“Stop,”Kelseysays,grabbingmyhand.“Ourownline?”
Igrinfromeartoear.“Yup.Mindyou,it’sapipedream,butIwantedthemtoknowthatweweregoingplacesandthey’reourfirstoptionwhenitcomestopartneringup.”
Kelseywavesherhandinfrontofherface.“I’msweating.I’mlegitsweating.”Shefacesme.“Lottie,thisishuge.Holycrap,wheredidthisallcomefrom?”
“Well,whenyoufeellikeafailure,it’sanice,swiftkickintheasstogetmoving,andthat’swhatIdid.Igotmoving.”
“Wow,Lottie.I’mreallyimpressed.”Whispering,sheasks,“Havetheywrittenback?”
Ichuckle.“Notyet,butIdidsenditlatelastnightandit’sonlyteninthemorning.”
“True.”Shesighs.“Wow,wow,wow,I’mreallyimpressed.Impressedandgrateful.Thankyouforworkinghardonallofthis.”
“I’minvestedjustasmuchasyouareinthisbusiness.I’veseenyoubringittowhereitistoday,butIknowthere’ssomuchmorepotential,andwhenIhavemyheadoutofmyass,IknowIcanreallyhelpbuildit.”
Withachuckle,sheasks,“Howwerethingswhenyougotbacktohisplace?”
Ishutthelaptopandleanbackinmychair.“I’mnotsureyou’rereadyforthisstory.”
Shecrossesherlegsandrubsherhandstogether.“Oh,Idon’tthinkI’veeverbeenmoreready.”
AndthisiswhatIloveaboutKelsey.Wecanhaveafight,resolveit,andthenjustlikethat,we’rebacktoournormalselves.Wedon’tharpondisagreements;wedon’tdragthemout.Weapologizeandwemoveon.AnotherreasonwhyIthink,inthelongrun,we’llbegreatbusinesspartners,becausewe’llbeabletoreadeachotherwell.Butthatdoesn’tmeanI’mnotincrediblythankfulforthesecondchance.
“So,whenIgothome,Iwasobviouslyinareallysourmood.Igotstraighttoworkandburiedmyselfinthecomputer.BeforeIknewit,itwasgettinglateandIneededtotakeasecondtorelax,soIdrewabath.”
“Oh,I’msurehehasareallynicebathtub.”
“Reallynice.Jetsandeverything.Andbathbombs.Idroppedalavenderoneinthewatertocalmme.Itwasreallynice.”
“But…”
Ismirk.“ButhetextedthatdinnerwasreadyjustasIwasstartingtoreleasetension.”
“Andletmeguess,heexpectsyouatdinner.”
“Theshowmustgoon,”Isay.“BecauseIwaslazy,Idriedoffquicklyandthenjustthrewonarobe,makingsureitwasproperlycinchedatthewaist.”
Herbrowraisesinsuspicion.“Justarobe,nothingunderit?”
Ishakemyhead.
“Girl,wereyouaskingfortrouble?”
“Iwasjusttryingnottohaveamomentinfrontofhimaftereverythingthathappened.Ididn’tputmuchthoughtintowhatIwasdressedin,andbelieveme,Iwasmorecoveredupthanthenightbefore.Therobewasastepup.”
“Okay,soyoushowuptodinnerinarobe.Washeawarenothingwasonunderneath?”
“It’sasifhehasX-rayvision.Iswearheseeseverything.Anyway,westartedgettingintoitagain,becausethat’swhatweseemtodo.”
“Naturally,bothofyouliketobecorrect,bothofyouliketobeincontrol.Sparkswillflywhenpersonalitiesclash.”
“Boydidtheyclash.”Ithinkbacktolastnightanditfeelslikeablackholeinmyhead.“Ican’treallytellyouwhatwewerefightingabout.IknowIwasquietandhedidn’tseemtolikethat,soheprovokedme.ItoldhimIdidn’ttrusthim,Ithink.”Itapmychinandthenshakemyhead.“AllIknowisthatIcouldn’tsitatthetablewithhimanylonger,soIgotupandwentbacktomyroom.”
“Oooo,Ibethedidn’tlikethat.”
“Hedidn’t,andhemadeitknown.”
“Didhesendyouanastytext?”
Ishakemyhead.“Worse.Hecameafterme.”
Kelseysitstaller.“Oh,tellmemore.”
Gettingintothestorytelling,Isay,“Iwasinchesfromreachingmyroomwhenhesnaggedmyhandfrombehind.AndbeforeIknewit,Iwaspinnedagainstthewall.”
Kelseygasps,handtoherchest.“Like…inasexualway?”
Islowlynod.
“Lottie,whatthehelldidyoudo?”
“Ididabsolutelynothing.Hewastheonedoingallthethings.”
Kelseynibblesonherthumb.“Whatkindofthings?”
“Hetuggedmyrobeopen.”
“Hedidnot.”Hereyeswidenandthenshewhispers,“Didhe?”
“Hedid.Butitneverfellopen,justwasundone…undoneenoughforhimto,uh,youknow…lowerhishand.”
Kelseyslapsthetable.“Stop,hedidnot.He…he…fingeredyou?”
Inod.“Yup.Hedid.”
Handsbyherhead,Kelseypretendsherheadisexploding.“Youwentfromfighting,ateachother’sthroats,tohimtouchingyouinthehallway.Howthehelldoesthatevenwork?”
“Idon’tknow,andforthelifeofme,Icouldn’tstopit.Ididn’twanttostopit.Iwantedhimtokeepdoingwhathewasdoing,andIwantedittolastallnight.”Icovermyforeheadwithmyhand.“God,Kelsey,amIawhore?”
Shelaughs.“No.Youaren’tawhore,butyouareconfusing,that’sforsure.Ineverwould’vethoughtyouwereinterestedindoingsomethinglikethatwithhim.Notwiththewayyoutwoseemtohateeachother.”
“HesaidIhatehim,buthedoesn’thateme.ButIguessevenifIthinkhe’sanasshole,Istillwanthisfingersinsideme.”Ishrug.“I’mprettysurethatmeansI’mfuckedinthehead.”
“Theyalwayssaythere’sathinlinebetweenloveandhate.”
“Ohno,don’tstartwiththat.There’snoloveinvolved.Lust…yes.Themanisadream,I’mnotgoingtodenythat.Fromthewayhetalkswithsuchafilthymouth,tohisstronghold,tothedomineeringstanceofhisbodyandhowheusesittohisadvantage…yeah,everythingabouthimscreams‘amazing,dropeverythingyou’redoing,ear-piercingsex.’”
“OnelookathimandI’dbelievethat.Andhisbrothers.”
“Makesyouwonderwhattheirparentsarelike.”
“Ooo,imagineanoldermanthatlooksjustlikethem.Amaninhissixties,salt-and-pepperhair,slapsyouontheasswhenyou’renaughty.”
Icockaneyebrow.“Excuseme?Isthissomesortoffantasyyou’venevertoldmeabout?”
“Oldguyscanbehottoo.”
“Sixties…thatcouldbeourdad.”
“Ineverjudge.Loveislove.Lustislust.Aslongaseveryonegivesconsent,letpeoplelive.”
“Okay.”Ichuckle.“That’sfair.”
“So…didhefinishyouoff?”
Ibitemybottomlipandnod.“Hedid,anditwasexplosive.Kelsey,I’veneverhadanOlikethatbefore.Iwasshakingafter,andIknowthisisTMI,butwhenIwentbackinmyroom,IhadtogetoffagainbecauseIwassogearedupfromhavinghimthatclose,touchingme,talkingtome.Itwastoomuch.”
“Icanimagine.Ican’trememberthelasttimeIevenkissedaman,letalonehavesomeonedothat.”
Feelingslightlyawkward,Isay,“Hesuckedhisfingersafter.”
“Stahp!”Kelseyyellsandclutchesherchest.“Ohmyfuck.”
“Iknow.”Icovermyeyes.“ItwaseasilythehottestthingI’veeverseen.Andthenhegrabbedmebythechin,forcedmetolookathim,andtoldmethathepromisedyou’dgetyourchancetopitchthebusiness.Inthatmoment,whenhewasspeakingtome,itfeltasifhewasthesameguyIwenttoChipotlewith.Hewasn’tanasshole,hewasn’tprovokingme,hewasjustbeingnormal,sincere.”Likeable.IlookKelseyintheeyes.“Itconfusedme.”
“Confusedyouhow…likeyoumightbefeelingdifferentlyabouthim?”
Ilookaway.“Imean…maybe.ButjustdifferentlyinthewaythatmaybeIdon’thatehimasmuch.Istillthinkhe’sanasshole,andIthinkonewrongthinghesaystomewillsetmeoff,butthatgesture…smoothedoutsomeoftheroughedges,ifthatmakessense.”
“Itdoes.”MyphonebeepsandIsnagitfromthetableasKelseycontinues,“See?Maybethere’sachanceforyoutwo.Maybeyou’llhaveaproperworkingrelationship.”
“Maybe,”IsayasIseeatextfromHuxley.“Speakofthedevil.Hejusttextedme.”
Iopenthemessageandreadit.
Huxley:Areyouatyoursister’s?
“HewantstoknowifI’mherewithyou.”Itextback.
Lottie:Yes.
He’squickonthetrigger,andthedotsappearrightbeforehistextmessage.
Huxley:I’msendingacartogetyou.Whatareyouwearing?
Lottie:Leggingsandacroptopthatwasprovidedinmyapprovedwardrobe.DoIneedtoborrowsomethingfromKelsey?
Huxley:No.Seeyouinfifteen.
“What’sgoingon?”Kelseyasks.
“Ihavenoidea.Hesaidhe’llseemeinfifteenminutes.SomethingwithDaveandEllieprobably.Ifeellikeifhe’sgoingtospringthesethingsonme,IneedmorecontextsoIcanprepare.”
“Agreed.Askhimwhat’sgoingon.”
Ishoothimanothertext.
Lottie:CanIhavesomeideaaboutwhatwe’llbedoing?
Huxley:Lamazeclass.Hopeyou’regoodatbreathing.
“Ohshit.”
“What?”Kelseyasks.
Ilookupather.“Lamazeclass.”
Shesnortsandcovershernose.“Tobeaflyonthewall.”
***
ItakeaseatinHuxley’scarandturntowardhimasIbucklemyseatbelt.
“Whatonearth—”
“Hey,baby,”Huxleysays,leaningovertokissmeonthecheek.“How’syoursisterdoing?”
Ohyeah…there’ssomeonedrivingus.Actlikethefiancée.Whenindoubt,fromnowon,alwaysactlikethefiancée.
“She’sgood,”Isayinacheeryvoice.“ExcitedaboutFriday.”Wantingtogetsomeinformationaboutwhatthehellwe’redoing,Isay,“Thisisanunexpectedsurprise.”
“Iknowhowmuchyoulikesurprises,”Huxleysaysandthenturnstohisphone.
Okay,soIguessthat’sthat.
I’mabouttosaysomethingelsetohim,justtokeeptheconversationflowingsowedon’tlooklikealamecouple,whenmyphonebuzzesinmyhandwithatext.IglancedownandseeHuxley’snameonthescreen.
Ooo,secretcommunications.
Huxley:Thiswillbeyourfirstpregnancyclass.You’regoingjusttotryitout,andthenwe’llgeticecreamwithEllieandDaveafter.
I’mgladhe’shandingoutinformation.ThemoreIcanprepare,thebetter.
Lottie:CanIaskhowyougotuswrangledintoapregnancyclass?
Huxley:RanintoDaveatthecoffeeshopthismorning.HetoldmeheandEllieweregoingtoaclass.Iaskedhimwhichoneandsaidwewerethinkingabouttakingthatone.Hetoldustojoinandgeticecreamafter.
Lottie:Whatclasswasit?
Huxley:Nofuckingidea.
Ichuckleandtexthimback.
Lottie:Howdoyouknowit’sgood?
Huxley:Idon’t.ButIknowsincewehavenocluewhatthefuckwe’redoing,it’llbegoodenough.
Lottie:Isn’titalittleearlyforapregnancyclassforme?
Huxley:HellifIknow.Ifanyoneasks,justsayweloveeducation.
Lottie:Howeloquent.
Huxley:Askmeaquestion,we’vebeentooquietonthisride.
Lottie:Uh…whatdidyouhaveforbreakfast?
Huxley:JesusChrist.Outloud.Askmeaquestionoutloud.
“Oh,”Isayquietlyandthenchuckle.FacingHuxley,Iask,“How’syourrashdoing?”
HiseyesnarrowandIhavetoholdbackthestraight-upoutburstoflaughterthatthreatenstoslippastmylips.
“Rashisfine,”heanswersthroughclenchedteeth.“Butnowthatyoubringitup,isyouryeastinfectionimproving?”
Ohhh,heplaysdirty.
“Faringwell,”Ianswer.“Doctorsaidnosexforaweek,though,butdon’tworry,Iwon’tbackoutonmypromise.Iknowhowmuchyouwanttotryoutmyvibrators.”Asmirkcrossesmylips.Ifindthisfartooentertaining.Ipathimonthecheek.“Icangrindyourgearstonight,whenwegethome.Youcanlightthatlovemakingcandleyouenjoysomuch.”
Hisnostrilsflare,andIcovermymouth,protectingmyselffromanoutburst.
“Soundsgoodtome.Iknowwatchingmecometurnsyouon,butifyoucouldrefrainfromsoundinglikeabarnyardanimalwhileIcome,thatwouldbegreat.Themooingisaweirdhabityou’vepickedup.”
“Thatwasonetime,”Isayindefense.“Andit’sbecauseIwatchedthatdocumentaryonanimalsreproducing.”
“Onetimeisenough,”hesays,turningbacktohisphone.Hisfingersflyacrossthescreen.
Myphonebuzzes.
Huxley:YourealizeI’mgoingtohavetofindanewdrivernow.
Ahiccupoflaughterpopsoutofme.ThisistheHuxleyfromChipotle,fromthesidewalk.ThisisthesideofhimIappreciate.ThesideofhimIwishhewouldshowwaymoreoften,becauseifhedid,I’mcertainwe’dbefriends.
Lottie:I’mprettysurethisconversationmademyyear.Also,Icanrunbythepharmacytomorrowifyouneedmorecreamforyourrash.
Huxley:Ifthat’showyouwanttoplaythis,it’son,Lottie.Andremember,I’mrelentless.
Lottie:Ithinkyou’vemetyourmatch,HuxleyCane.ChapterThirteen
HUXLEY
“Huxley,Lottie,overhere,”Elliesays,wavingherhandwhileshebalancesonanexerciseball.
IsqueezeLottie’shandandguideherovertothejubilantpregnantwoman.
IwasworriedI’dbeencroachingonLottie’sdaywiththisrequest,Iwasn’tsurewhatshewasdoing,butshedidn’tseemtomind.Sheactuallyseemstobeingoodspiritstoday,whichisthrowingmeoff.Stillhasanedgetoher,butitseemsasthoughthatedgehasbeensmoothedout—slightly.
Lottieturnsdistinctivelyintomyshoulderandwhispers,“Shelooksasifshejustbustedoutoftheinsaneasylum.”
IchuckleandassessEllie.Bouncingfartoohighontheball,wearingleggingsandasportsbra,herhairswishingbackandforth,whileagiant,unfalteringgrinisplasteredtoherface.Lottieisn’twrong.
Justthen,DavecomesupbehindEllieandsettlesherdownwithhishandstohershoulders.Hespotsmeandwaves.“Sogladyouguyscouldmakeit.”
WewalkuptothemandEllieimmediatelytakesLottieintoahug,whileDavegivesmeafirmhandshake.
“YouwillabsolutelyloveHeaven,”Elliesays.“She’sthebestinthebusiness.”
“Heaven?”Lottieasks,confused.
IplacemyhandonLottie’slowerbackandsay,“Theprenatalteacher.RememberIwastellingyouaboutherinthecar?”
Itoldhernothing.Becausehertext,Ithinkyou’vemetyourmatch,inspiredme.Ratherthandiscussingtoday’souting,Iwentintogreatdetailabouthowifshe’dactuallyattendthepedicuresI’dsetupforher,hercrustyfeetwouldn’tscrapeacrossourbeautifulhardwoodfloors.AndthemurderouslookonLottie’sfacewhenIsaidwehadtogetacontractortocomeinandcheckoutaspotonthefloorwhereshe’dleftagashwaspriceless.
“Oh,yes,sorry.”Shetapsherhead.“Pregnancybrain.”TurningtoEllie,sheasks,“You’resureit’snottooearlyforustodosomethinglikethis?”
ElliewavesoffLottie’sconcerns.“Ithinkthemoreyoucanlearnandpracticethebetter.”
“That’swhatItoldherinthecar,”Isay.
Lottieadds,“Wedoloveeducation,don’twe,Hux?”
Ilookdownather.“Wedo.Wereallyloveeducation.”
“Thenyou’reintherightspot,”Davesays.“Pullupayogamat,aball,andoneofthosepillows.Weshouldbegettingstartedsoon.”
“Great.”
IheadtowardthewallwhenLottietakesmyhandinhers,remindingmetobeaffectionateinthemoment.Togetherweworkourwaytothewallwhereallofthe“supplies”are.Outofearshot,shewhispers,“Whatthehellarewesupposedtodowithanexerciseball,yogamat,andpillows?I’mnotverybendy,Huxley.I’mverystiff,andwhenIsquat,mykneescrack.Imightbetwenty-eight,butmybodyactslikeaseventy-five-year-oldarthriticwoman.”
“Idon’tthinkthere’salotofbendinginthisclass.”
“Haveyoubeentooneofthesebefore?”
Igiveheralook.“DoyouthinkI’vebeentooneofthesebefore?”
Sheshrugs.“Idon’tknowwhatyoudoinyoursparetime.”
“Notthis,”Ialmosthiss.IreallyneedtostartthinkingbeforeIreacttosituations,aka,don’tsayyestoeverythingDaveasks.“Idon’tthinkwe’regoingtoberequiredtobeprofessionals.Thisisourfirsttime.”
“Whatifwehavetoimitatesexualpositions?”Sheglancesbehindherback.
“Whythefuckwouldwehavetodothat?”
“Idon’tknow,”shewhispers.“We’reinLAandwe’reinabirthingclass.Theylikegranolathingshere.Hipandtrendythings.Whatifthisclassisn’taboutbreathingbutmoreaboutthejourney,theprocess?Youknow,wedidthiswholestoryonAngeloopwheretheytalkedaboutuniquebirthingclassesandhowyouhadtoshareyourentirejourneywiththeclass.Whatifthisisoneofthose?”
“Webarelyhaveajourney.You’rewhat,sixweekspregnant?”
Hereyeswiden.“Idon’tknow,amI?Idon’trememberwhatIsaid.”
“JesusChrist.”Idragmyhandovermyface.
“Everythingokayoverthere?”Daveasks.“Needhelp?”
“We’regood,”Isaywithasmile,whilewavingtohim.IturnbacktoLottieandsay,“Ithinkyousaidyouwereeightweekspregnant.”
“Areyousure?”
“No,”Ianswer.“Butitfeelsfamiliar.”
“You’rethebrainsofthisoperation,you’resupposedtocataloguethesethings,”shehissesatme.“WhatkindofmomamIgoingtolooklikeifIcan’tevenrememberhowmanyweeksthislittlecashewinmybellyis?”Shepatsherflatstomach.
“Thenyoushould’verememberedwhatyousaid.”
Hereyesnarrow.“Excusemeforbeingputonthespotandnotremembering.I’llhaveyouknow,Ioftenblackoutinstressfulsituations,so…goodluckwiththat.”
“Great,”Imutterandthenreachforapillow.Theeasycamaraderiefromthecarisquicklyevaporatingbetweenus.“Maybeavoidthequestionifasked.”
“Youknowtheteacherisgoingtoask,everyoneasks.Evenwhenthey’renotsupposedtoask,theyask.It’sacommonpregnancysmall-talkspecialty.‘Oh,hey,Judy,you’repregnant,lookatthat.Howmanyweeksareyou?’‘Thanks,Carolyn,yeah,thislittlebananainmybellyisthirty-twoweeks.’”
“Thirty-twoweeksisabanana?”
“Ihavenofreakingclue,Huxley,thatwasmebabbling.”
“Well,fortheloveofGod,don’tbabble.”
Withasmileonherface,becauseEllieisstartingtomovetowardus,Lottiesays,“Babblingiswhatyougetforpluckinganamateuroffthestreets.”
“Areyoutwonervous?”Ellieaskswhenshereachesus.SheplacesherhandonLottie’sarminacomfortingway.“Igetit.Iwasnervousourfirsttimetoo.Itcanbeembarrassing,havingtodoallofthesethingsinfrontofpeople,butIpromise,you’reinasafezone.Andstartingwhenyou’reonlyeightweekspregnantgivesyoumoreandmoretimetobecomfortable.”Shetakesaballfromtheballrackandsays,“I’llbringthisoverforyoutwo.”
WhenEllieisoutofearshot,Lottieturnstowardmeandsays,“Thankstothemodern-dayStepfordwife,wenowknowI’meightweekspregnant.”Sheletsoutadeepbreath.“Andwhatthehellkindofthingsarewegoingtohavetodoinfrontofpeople?”
“Idon’tknow,”Isay,eyeingthepeopleinthecircle.“Can’tbethatbad,right?”
***
“Deepbreathinand…deepbreathout.That’sit,andwhenyou’reready,starttolightlypulseintoyourpartner.”Lottieisbeneathme,legsspreadwideascanbe,eyesadangerousshadeofbloodshedassheholdsontoherkneesandIpressmyjean-cladcrotchagainstherpussy.“Connectingtothatmomentofconceptionwillbringyoucloserandclosertothelittleseedlinggrowinginsideofyou.Rememberthatnight,thewayyoufelt.Wasitpassionate?Wasitseductive?Whatwasinvolved?Ifyou’recurrentlyinthephasesoftryingtogetpregnant,thinkaboutconnectingwithyourpartner.Eyecontact.Alwayskeepeyecontact.”
Mouthingtome,Lottiesays,“Iwanttodie.”
Imouthback,“Righttherewithyou.”
Aswefoundoutquickly,thisisaclassforeveryone,notjustpeoplewhoarepregnant,butthosewhoaretryingaswell.It’snotLamaze,perse,it’saboutlearningtoconnectwithyourbodyandyourpartner,hencethesexualpositionI’mcurrentlyin.
“Dave,suchabeautifulrhythm,andyoureyecontactwithEllie…Icanfeelyourpassionbuildingup,yourloinsstirringasyoupreparetogiveheryourseed.”
Lottiebitesdownonherbottomlipassheattemptstokeepittogether.
“Suchabeautifulimage,Dave.Now,Ellie,please,withyourheadthrownbackinpassion,therehastobesomethingyou’redoingwithyourhands.Areyoucaressingyourbreasts?ReachingforDave?Themoreyouevolvethismomentintotherealthing,themoreyouwillopenyourflowerandreceivealltheloveDavehastogive.”
Lottiewhispers,“I’mgoingtothrowup.”
Strained,Ireply,“Shutthefuckupandlookasifyou’reenjoyingmypulsing.”
“ButI’mnot.Yourpulsingisanythingbutenjoyable.”
“Notwhatyousaidlastnight.”
Hereyesnarrow.“Youfinger-fuckedme,notpulsedwithyourpelvis.It’sdifferent.”
Iswallowwrongandstartcoughing,whichofcoursebringstheinstructor’sattentiontous.ThejanglingbraceletsonherwristsannounceherapproachandIwinceasIseeherclogscomeintoview.Fuck.
“Ournewestcouple,HanleyandLonnie.Now,youlookuncomfortable.”
Firstofall,it’sHuxleyandLottie.
Secondofall,weweren’tpreparedforagoddamnorgywhencomingtothisclass
Thirdofall,yeah,we’reuncomfortable,becausewe’veneverconceivedorattemptedto,forfuck’ssake.
ButIdon’tsaythat.Instead,Ismileandsay,“Ithinkweweredrunkthenightweconceived.”
“It’swhyittookhimsolongtogetitup,”Lottiesays,andwhenIshootherascowl,shegrinsupatme.
“Itdidn’ttakelong,nevertakeslongwithher,”IsayasIsqueezehersides,remindingherwhowe’repulsingnextto.
“Oh,adrunkennightofdebauchery.Oneofmyfavoritecouplings,becausenothingisoffthetable,right?Evengoingbareback,whichI’massumingiswhathappened?”
Kill.
Me.
Now.
“Yup,”Lottiesays.“Totally.We’dbeenfornicatingforquitesometimebeforethat,butallittookwasonedrunkennightofCatchPhraseinthebackyardwithfriends,andweweretoast.Bumblingupthestairs,wemadeitallthewaytoourroomcompletelyclothed,andthen,bam,IturnedaroundandtherewasHuxley,standingnaked,inallhisglory.OnelookathiserectionandIknewwhatIwanted.Iremembersaying‘screwcondoms’andIthrewthemoutthewindowbeforejumpingthisman.Thelovelypoolboyfoundtheminthepoolthenextday.Saidhehadneverfishedoutcondomsbefore.He’sanicelad.”
She’sbabbling.JesusChrist,she’sbabbling.
“Oh,soyoujumpedhim,then?”Heavenasks.
“Yes.”
There’snopointinstoppingher.
“Therefore,wouldthishavebeenthepositionyouwerein?”
“Actually,no,”Lottiesays.“Thisisn’tthepositionwewerein.Ilovebeingontop.”
Heavenlaughs.“Well,that’swhythisisawkward,becausewearen’tthinkingbacktotheactualdayofconception.Ifyou’renotre-creatingitproperly,thenwearen’tconnectingwithourbaby.”Shemotionsatuswithherhands.“Please,please,getupandtryagain.Reallyjumpbacktothatnight.”
“ShouldIgetdrunk?”Iask.
Heavenlaughsagain.“Wouldn’tthatbeagas?”
Yes,itfuckingwould.
Irolltomybackandrestmyheadonthepillow,whileLottieclimbsontopofme,connectinghercentertomine.
“Icanalreadytellthisismorecomfortableforthebothofyou.”Heavengetsdownonherkneesandsettlesrightnexttous.Theothercouplesarestillpulsing,talkingtoeachother—connecting—andIcan’thelpwonder,howthefuckisDaveokaywiththis?Notjustokay,butaveryactiveparticipant.Somemightsaytheteacher’spet.“Hanley,walkmethroughwhatyouremember.Wasshetopless?”
So,we’redoingthis…astep-by-stepwiththeinstructor?
Christ.
“Uh,yeah.Shewascompletelynaked.”
“Good.Good.Andwhenyoulookupatherlikethis,herbreastsbouncinginfrontofyou,hernippleshardwitharousal,wouldyousayit’sinthatmomentwhereyourloinsknewyou’dbeimpregnatingher?”
Uh…what?
“I,uh,Ireallywasn’tthinkingaboutgettingherpregnant.Itwasn’tplanned.”
“Oh,Isee.”Heavennods.“So,purelyanightofpassion.Thatissomethingfortheages.”Movingincloser,shetakesLottie’shandsandputsoneinherhairandtheotheronherbreast.ThensheassistsLottiebygrippingherhipsandmovingherovermycock.Whoa,slowdownthere.“Wouldyousaythisfeelsfamiliar?”
“Yes,”Lottiesays.“Veryfamiliar.”HerhipsgrinddownonmineandshenibblesherbottomlipasIwatchherfingersglideoverherhardnipple.
Fuck.
FUCK!
There’snowayinhellI’mabouttogethardatastupidpregnancyclasswithDaverightnexttome.
ButLottieismakingthatadifficulttask,especiallysinceshe’swearingthatcroptopandIcanseepeeksofherbareskin,thesamebareskinItouchedandcaressedlastnight.
“Hanley,Ineedyoutobeinthemoment.You’rethinkingtoomuch.PretendnooneisherebesidesyouandLonnie.”HardtodothatwithaMotherHenyappinginmyear.“WatchthewayLonnie’sbodyundulatesagainstyours.Thepassioninherexpression,thewayherfingersglideoverherbreasts,tugonherhair.”
Jesus,thisisn’thelpingatall.
Mybodytenses,myshoulderspracticallykissingmyears,andmyhandsfalltoherthighs,tryingtogethertoslowdownsoIcancatchmybreath.
“That’sit,”Heavensays.“Justlikethat,Lonnie,keeppace.”Slowly,Heavenbacksawayandmovestowardthecenterofthegroup.“Don’tfalter,Lonnie,keepmovingasyouare.”
Lottienodsandthenglancesdownatme.“Tryingnottogethard?”
“You’refullofyourself,”Iwhisper.
“Afterlastnight,I’dhaveahardtimebelievingthisrighthereisn’tgettingyouhard.”Shecontinuesherpace.
“I’mnotateenager.Iknowhowtocontrolmyself.”
“Okay,”shesays,thentakesherhandthatwasinherhairandplacesitonmylowerstomach.Theshiftinpositionanglesherjustenoughtoallowforbetterfriction.Shepicksupthepaceandgrindsdownonmeafterlifting,hittingmycockinjusttherightspot.Awaveofheatspikesthroughmeasmycockstartstostir.
Myjawclenchesdown,Itrytoattempttoblurherout,tonotmakeeyecontact,buteverytimesheanglesup,Icatchaglimpseofthelacy,darkgreenbraletteshe’swearing,andthat’snothelpingthecause.
“Idon’trememberourconception,”Lottiesaysandmakeseyecontactwithme.“ButIsureashellrememberlastnightandhowhardyoumademecome.”
Fuck.
I’mgoneandsheknowsit,becauseshegrinsasshedrivesagainstme.
“Mmm,havingyourfingersdeepinsidemelikethat.”Shewetsherlips.“Iwantedmore.”Sheleansforwardand,lookingmedeadintheeyes,shesays,“Igotoffagainwithmyvibrator,becausethat’showmuchyouturnedmeon.”
Fuckinghell.Mycockswellsbeneathher,andasatisfiedsmilecrossesherface
“Thereyouare.Paybackisabitch,Hanley.”
Igrindmyteethtogether,mycockbeggingformorefromher.
“Rememberthat,becausethisisn’tover,”Isaywhileshecontinuestopulseoverme,makingmeharderandharderuntil…
“Okay,let’sgetintoanotherposition.”Heavenclapsherhands.
Thetensionintheroomispalpable,andaseveryonedisengagesfromtheirpartners,Irealizeveryquicklyfromtheshiftintheroom,I’mnottheonlyoneturnedon.
Butit’sthesighttomyleftthatreallyhasmerethinkingallofmydecisions.Standingtallandproud,handsonhiships,isDave,withamassiveerectionpokingagainsthispants.
Jesus.Christ.
AnimageIknowI’llnevergetoutofmyhead.
Nope,Daveisapparentlyclaiminghisterritory,lettingeveryoneintheroomknow…he’sthebonerchamp.
Idon’tknowifIshouldclap,acthorrified,orgowashmyeyesoutwithbleachwhenIgethome.
Mostlikely…thelatter.
***
Huxley:IsawDave’sboner.
Breaker:Uhh…what?
JP:Pleasetellmeyouaren’ttheonewhogavehimaboner.I’mallaboutdoingwhateverittakes,but,man…comeon.
Huxley:AllIhavetosayispregnancyclassgonewrong.Wehadtosimulateprocreating.Therewaspulsing.
Breaker:YouandDavehadtopretendtoprocreate?Dearfuck,whowaspulsing?
JP:MyguessisDavewaspulsingintoHux.
Huxley:No,JESUS.Wewerepracticingwithourrespectivepregnantwomen.
Breaker:Ohhh…doesthatmeanyoupulsedintoLottie?
JP:Thingsjustgotinteresting.
Breaker:Uh,Davehavingaboneriswhatmadethingsinteresting.
JP:Wait…didyouhaveaboner,Hux?
Breaker:^^^This.Pleaseanswerthis.
Huxley:Iwasfineuntilsheclimbedontopofme,grippedhertits,anddry-humpedme.
Breaker:Holyfuck.
JP:Thiswasaclass?Soundsmorelikeagoodtime.WherecanIsignup?
Huxley:Youhaveseriousissues.
JP:Saystheguywhowasboningoutduringapregnancyclassnexttoacolleague.
Huxley:Youweren’tthere.Youdon’tknow.
Breaker:DidyouatleastcongratulateDaveonhisboner?
Huxley:Whendoesaguyevercongratulateanotherguyonhisboner?
Breaker:Mightbesomethingnicetodo.Asolidpatonthebackandthenacompliment.“Nicebone,man.”
Huxley:FuckknowswhyItalktoyoutwo.
***
“Whatawonderfulclass,don’tyouthink?”Ellieasksasshelickshermintchocolatechipicecreaminalargewafflecone.
“Oh,quitelovely,”Lottieresponds,eventhoughIknowhervoiceisfullofsarcasm.
Thatwasnotalovelyfuckingclass.Thatwasanightmare,formanyreasons.
“Isn’tHeavenawonderfulinstructor?”Daveasksme.“Shereallyhelpsmeconnectonanotherlevel.EllieandIaresomuchstrongerinourrelationshipbecauseofHeaven.”
“Yeah.”IscootinclosertoLottie,myhandonthebackofherchairasweshareanicecreamcone.AndwhenIsayshare,Imeanshe’seatingtheentirethingbyherself.“Heavenwasgreat.ShemademethinkofthingsI’veneverconsideredbefore.”Truth.Heavendefinitelybroughtmetoanewlevel.
“Doyouthinkyou’llcontinuewiththeclass?”Ellieasks,sohopeful.
“DependsonLottie’sschedule,”Ianswer.“Shehasastart-upbusinesswithhersister,sohertimeislimited.”
“Really?”Daveasks,lookinginterested.“What’sthe—”Helooksdownathisphone,whichbuzzesonthetable.“Crap.”Withasorrowfullook,hesays,“That’sGregory.He’sbeenwantingtodoawalk-throughofoneofourproperties,andItoldhimtotextmewhenhe’sready.Unfortunately,Ihavetocutthisicecreamdateshort.”
“Totallyunderstand,”Isay,offeringhimawave.“Weshouldprobablygetgoingsoonaswell.Afterwefinishthisicecream,ofcourse.”
DavestandsandhelpsEllieoutofherchair.“Yes,enjoythesunnyday.Hopefullywe’llrunintoyouagainsoon.”
“I’dlovethat,”Elliecoos.“Justloveyoutwo.”
Together,handinhand,theysaytheirgoodbyes,andthentheytakeofftowardtheirparkedcar.
InsteadofreleasingmyselffromLottierightaway,Ikeepmyarmfirmlyplantedwhereitisandask,“Areyougoingtosharethat?”
“Nope,”shesaysbeforetakingahugelickoftheRockyRoadicecreamwedecidedtogettogether.“Thisisallmine.It’stheleastyoucando.”
“Youknow,youweren’ttheonlyonewhosufferedthroughthatblackholebackthere,”Ihissintoherearwhilekeepingmypostureandfaceneutral.DaveandElliecouldstillseeus.
“Areyoutalkingaboutyourblueballs?”Lottieasks,adevioussmileonherlips.
Yeah,maybealittle.
Blueballsareinfullforcerightnow.
Doesn’thelpthatIkeeppicturingheraboveme,grindingdownonmycockwhileshegrabsherbreast…
“Lottie…LottieBug,isthatyou?”
Instantly,Lottiegoesstiffnexttomeasaleggyblondeapproachesus.Deckedoutinabubble-gumpinkskirtandwhitetop,thewomanlooksasifshewaspluckedfromLegallyBlonde.
Lottiesitsupandcasuallyplacesherhandonmythigh.Thatmoverightthere,herhandclaimingme,tellsmeoneimportantthing:whoeverthispersonis,sheneedsmetobeincharacter.
“Angela,”Lottiesaysafterswallowinghericecream.“What,uh,whatareyoudoinghere?”
Angela?Asin…theex-friendwhofiredLottie?
AngelaglancesmywayandIknowtheminutesherecognizesme,becauseshetiltshersunglassesdownontheedgeofhernoseandhermouthfallsopen.
IgnoringLottieentirely,sheasks,“HuxleyCane,isthatyou?”
AmIsupposedtoknowher?Becauseshe’smakingitseemasifweknoweachother.
Ishiftinmyseat,movingclosertoLottieasmyarmslipsuptohershoulderratherthanrestingonherchair.“I’msorry,havewemet?”Iask.
Lottieleansintowardme.Herbodylanguageisscreamingforhelp.Ireassureherwithastrokeofmyhandoverhershoulder.
Angelawavesherhandandsays,“You’retoofunny.WemetattheStardomGalalastyear.Iwasthegorgeousgoddessinthepurplefloor-lengthdress.”Shetossesherhairoverhershoulder.
“Huh,”Isay,tiltingmyhead.“Can’tquiteplaceyou.”
ThesoftestofsnortsescapesLottie’snose,andI’msureI’mtheonlyonewhoheardit.
“Well,therewerealotofpeopletherethatnight.”Angelasetsherhandonherhip.“Howcrazythatwerunintoeachothernow.”ShethenlooksatLottie.IwatchashereyesfallonmyarmaroundLottie,theclosenessofourbodies,andthen…itclicks.“Ohmy,Lottie,areyoutwo…together?”
Lottieglancesinmydirection,soItakethatmomenttoliftherhandthat’sholdingtheicecream,bringittomymouth,andtakeabitefromitbeforewinkingather.“Hidingmefromyourfriendsagain,babe?WhatdidItellyou?Stopkeepingmeasecret.”
“Wait,”Angelasays,hermindwhirling.“Areyouserious?Youtwoaredating?”Shemotionshermanicuredfingerbetweenus.
Lottienods.Keepinghereyesonme,shesays,“Yes,we’redating.”
“Babe,we’remorethandating.”Itaketheicecreamfromherandthenliftherhand,showingoffhermassiveengagementring.Igiveitakissandsay,“We’regettingmarried.”
“What?”Angelanearlyshrieks.“Sincewhen?Youneversaidanythingtome,Lottie.”
IturntowardAngelaand,withasmileonmyface,Isay,“We’vebeenbusy.Isn’tthatright,babe?”Ileanoverandkissthesideofherneck.
Lottie’sgriponmylegtightensasshesays,“Yeah,verybusy.But,yeah,we’reengaged.”
“Isee,well…can’tsaythatI’mnothurtyoudidn’ttellme.”
Wow,shehassomefuckingnerve.
“That’swhathappenswhenyousevertieswithyourbestfriend,Angela.Theytakethatasasigntomoveon.”LottiesmilesatmeandoffersmetheicecreamagainsoIcantakeanothermouthful.“I’vemovedon.”
Angelastepsback,handtoherchest.“Lottie,you’rebeingsocruel.AndhereIwas,comingovertoseeifyouwantedtohavelunchwithmesometime.”Oh,whataloadofbullshit.“Wereallymissyouatthecompany.Maybewecanfiguresomethingout.Especiallynowthatyou’redatingHuxleyCane,wecouldpartnerup.”
Fromthecornerofmyeye,IseeLottie’sjawclench.Heranger’sspiking,andI’mseeinganothersideofher.Sure,I’vemadeherangry,butthoseconversationswe’vehadalmostseemsuperficialnow,comparedtothis.Thisistrueanger.Thisisfromthepitofherstomach.
AndIcanseeherwantingtojumpdownAngela’sthroat,whichwilldonothingforLottie,soIstopitbeforeitcanhappen.“We’reactuallylateforameeting,babe.”Islipmyarmoffhershoulderandinsteadtakeherhand.“I’msureAngeladoesn’tmindcatchingupwithyousomeothertime.”IgiveAngelaalook.
“Oh,ofcoursenot,”shesayseasily.“Don’tletmekeepyou.ButI’dlovetochatatsomepoint,Lottie.Imissyou.AndyouknowhowbusyIam.Givethereunionsomethought.ItneedsaniceLottietouchtoit.”ShetwiddlesherfingersatLottieandthenheadsintotheicecreamshop.
Lottiestayssilentasshesitsthere,holdingtheicecream,butnotsayingathing.Notevenmoving.
Unsureofwhattodo,Isay,“So,that’sAngela?”
Lottiestandsandhandsmetheicecream.“Canweleavenow?”
“Yeah,ifthat’swhatyouwant.”
“Itis,”shesays,andforthefirsttimesinceI’veknownher,ItakeherhandinminenotbecauseI’mputtingonashow,butbecauseIthinksheneedsit.
***
Theclangingofspoonsinoursoupbowlsistheonlysoundinthediningroom.Thesilenceissodeafeningthatifsomeonewalkedin,they’dthinktheywerewalkinginonafuneral.
Afuneralformyself-respect.
Lottiehasn’treallysaidanythingtomesincewelefttheicecreamshop.Shedoesn’tseemmad,more…contemplative.Probablyregrettingherdecision-making,likeIam.
Istilldon’tknowwhatkindofclassthatwas.IknowLosAngelesisslightlydifferentthanothercities,butdry-humpinginfrontofstrangerswhileenvisioningburyingyourseed…that’salittlemuch.
Andbecauseitwassoweird,sooff-base,IhavenoideawhattosaytoLottie.ShouldIapologize?ShouldIaskherifshelikedit?ShouldIsignusupforanotherclass?ShouldIbringupAngelaagain?
“Howisthesoup?”Reignasks,cominginwithabasketofbiscuits.
“Delicious,”Isay.
“Reallygood,”Lottieadds.“Arethosehomemadebiscuits?”
“Yes,”Reignsays.“Chiveandcheddar.”
“Don’tmindifIdo,”Lottiesaysassheplucksonefromthebasket,smiling.Okay.She’sinbetterspiritsthanwhenwelefttheicecreamstore.
So,Idecidetotestmyluckwithher.
“DoyouwanttotalkaboutwhathappenedwithAngela?”
Hereyesflashtomine.“No.”
“Becauseitseemedlike—”
“Isaidno,Huxley,”shesnapsatme.
Okay,noted.Doesn’tliketalkingaboutAngela.Gotit.Itryadifferentapproach.
“DavetoldmeElliewashopingyou’dgoshoppingwithhersometime.Forbabyitems.”
Shedoesn’tlookatme,notevenasmallglance.“Shesaidshewantedtogetfittedforbreastpumps.”
“Oh.”Shit,thatdoesn’tsoundlikefun.IhavenoideawhatthatentailsbutIcanalreadysenseitwouldn’tbesomethingLottie’sinterestedin.“Didshesaywhen?”
“Sometimenextweek.”Shebreaksoffapieceofherbiscuitandplopsitinhermouth.
“Areyougoingtogo?”
“DoIreallyhaveachoice?Afterwhathappenedthisafternoon,I’mprettysurewe’rebondedtoEllieandDaveforlife.”Sheaddsanotherpieceofbiscuittohermouth.“Whenwewereputtingawaytheyogamats,EllietoldmeshehadanorgasmwhileDavewaspulsingintoher.”Casuallyshedabshermouth.“Doyouunderstandthekindofdamagethatdoestoaperson?KnowingsomeoneonlyafewfeetawayhadanOwhiletheirfiancédry-humpedtheminapregnancyclass?”Hereyesfinallymeetmine.“I’mnotdoingwell,Huxley.”
“Well,you’reingoodcompany,becauseI’llneverbeabletolookatDavethesame,afterheproudlystoodwithhisbonerforeveryonetosee.”
“I’msurprisedyoudidn’tjoinhim.”Shescoopsupmoreofhersoupandsipsonit.“Youknow,sinceyouseemtoliketobethebestateverything.Itwould’vebeenfunseeingwhopackedmoreheat.”
“WhathappenedtodaywascompletelyunprofessionalandIhavenointentionsofrepeatingit.”
“Iknewit.”Sheshakesherhead.
“Knewwhat?”Iask.
“Thatapolewasbeingshovedfartherandfartherupyourasswhilewewerethere.”
“Areyoutellingmeyou’denjoygoingtoanotheroneofthoseclasses?”
“Absolutelynot,butchalkituptoalifeexperience.Youdon’thavetobesostiffallthetime,nopunintended.”
“I’mnotstiffallthetime,”Isay.“Ijustdon’tenjoygettingdry-humpedinfrontofabusinessassociate,onlytoseesaidbusinessassociate’serectionafter.”
“Hedidn’tgetexcitedoveryoudry-humping.”
Ipinchthebrowofmynose.“Iknowthat.Iwasjustaddingitontothe‘experience’oftheday,”Isay,usingairquotes.“Youyourselfsaidyouweren’tdoingwell.Sowhyareyouchastisingme?”
“I’mnotchastisingyou,”sheshootsbackandthentakesadeepbreathwhileleaningbackinherchair.“Youknow,Idon’tthinkthisisworkingout.”
“Excuseme?”Isay,panicinmyvoice.
“This.”Shemotionsbetweenus.“Wecan’tseemtogetonthesamewavelength,andfrankly,I’mtiredoffightingwithyouallthetime.”
“YouthinkIenjoyfightingwithyou?”
“Ithinkyoutakepleasureinmakingmeangry.Thatmuchistruefromlastnight.”
“Itakepleasureinotherthings,”Isay,raisingabrow,becauseIreallyfuckingenjoyedhavingmyfingersinsideofher.
Sherollshereyesandsetsherhandsonthetable.“Ithinkthiseatingdinnertogetherthingistoomuch.We’reforcingsomethingweshouldn’tbeforcing.”
IleaninandspeakquietlywhenIsay,“We’renotforcinganything.We’reputtingonagoddamnshow.”Keepingmyvoiceatawhisper,Icontinue,“Dinnersaren’taboutspendingtimewithyou,they’reaboutkeepingtheillusionalive.”
“YoureallythinkReignmightsaysomething?Likethatwe’renoteatingdinnertogether?Heseemslikeanice,trustworthyguy.Hehasn’tpoisonedyouyet,unfortunately.”
Cute.
“It’snotthathe’ddeliberatelysaysomething.Hemightcasuallycommentonhowwedidn’thavedinnertogether,itmightgetouttosomeoneelse,whothenspinsitforanarticletoselltoallthosebullshitgossipsites.Whenyou’reinapositionsuchasmyself,youhavetobeawareofinformationgettingoutinanyway,evenifitisinnocent.”
“Ugh,”shegroansandcrossesherarmsoverherchest.“Ijustdon’tknowhowmuchlongerIcandothis,Huxley.”
HereyeslookdrainedwhentheyconnectwithmineandIrealizethatmaybeshe’sright.Thisisreallydraining,puttingonashow,makingsureyou’resayingtherightthingallthetime.I’musedtoactinglikesomeoneelse,it’showI’veactedaroundallmybusinessassociates.Professional,puttogether,thoughtful,focused.Butinreality,I’mlikeeveryotherguywhojustwantstorelax,whojokesaround,teases,hasagoodtime.Forsomeonewhomightnotbeusedtoputtingonashow,itisdraining,especiallywhenitisn’tjustyourlivelihoodatstake,butsomeoneelse’s.
“Howmuchlongercanyoudothis?”Iaskher,growingserious.
Hereyessnaptomine.“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Givemeatimeframe.IcancallDavetomorrow,seeifhewantstomeetup.Talkaboutthedeal.IwantedtomassagethefriendshipsomemorebeforeIbroughtupthedeal,butIunderstandyourneedtobedonewiththis.”
“Well,Idon’tknow.”Hereyesareconfused.
Inod.“I’llspeakwithmybrotherstomorrow.”Iscoopupsomesoupandtakeasip,retreatingbackintomyself.
Shedoesn’tmove,shejustsitsthereandstaresathersoup,leavingituntouched.
Afterafewminutesofsilence,shesays,“Doyouknowwhatwouldhelp?”
“What?”Iask,turningmyattentionbacktoher.
“OneofthereasonsIsaidyestothiswasbecausewhenwewerehavingdinneratChipotle,youseemedlikesomeoneIcouldgetalongwith,butsomewherealongtheway,thatallchanged.”
“Ican’thelpwhoIam.”
“That’stheproblem.Idon’tknowwhoyouare.Andyoudon’tknowwhoIam.”
“Ididn’tthinkyouwereinterestedingettingtoknowmeonapersonallevel,givenourrelationshipisstrictlybusiness.”
Shegroans.“God,youandyourgoddamnbusiness.Howaboutsettingthatbusinessmindsettothesideforahotminuteandgettingtoknowmeinstead?Maybeit’llmakeiteasiertodotheseoutingswithyou.Topretend,becauseitwon’tfeelasthoughI’mdry-humpingastrangerinapregnancyclass.”
Iconsiderwhatshe’saskingofme,andit’snotmuchatall.ButIdoknowI’veputawalluparoundher.IfIgettoknowhermore,I’mgoingtolikehermore.Icanfeelit.She’sthekindofgirlwhowouldeasilycapturemyattentionandkeepmestrungalong.I’mnotlookingforthat,tobecaptured,tostartanysortofrelationship.Idon’thavethepatiencetofocusonsomethinglikethat,noramIreadytogivesomeonemytime.I’mtooselfishatthemoment.Toofocusedonmycareer,onmygoals.
ButIneedher.
FuckdoIneedher.
Ineedhertohelpmesecurethisdeal,andifthatmeansswitchinggearsandlettinghergettoknowmebetter,thenfuck,that’swhatI’llhavetodo.
“Fine,”Isay.“Twoquestionsduringtheday.Twoquestionsatdinner.Thatshouldbesufficient.”
“Sufficient?YousoundlikeMaryPoppins,allproperandshit.”
“Areyoutakingthedeal?”Iraisemybrow.
“Areyousayingthesequestionscanhappeneveryday?”
“Yes.Doesthatwork?”
Sheshakesherheadinamusement.“Iwasn’texpectingittobesoformal,butIguessthatwillhavetowork.Whostarts?”
Ipatmymouthwithmynapkin.“You.”
“Rightnow?”
“Isn’tthatwhatyouwant?”IaskasItrytohidemyirritation.
“Imean,sure.IguessIwasn’tpreparedforyoutobesoopen.”
“I’mnotacompleteasshole,Lottie.”
Herlipsquirktotheside,tellingmeshebelievesotherwise.“Okay,fine,IguessI’llstartwiththequestions.”Hereyespinme.“WhyisthisdealwithDavesoimportanttoyouthatyou’dgotosuchanextenttosecureit?”
Ishould’veknownherquestionsweren’tgoingtobeeasy.
Shiftinginmyseat,Icasuallyturntowardheranddrapemyarmoverthebackofmychair.“It’sprettysimple,actually.WhenIsetmymindonsomethingIwant,Igoafterit,nomatterthecircumstances.Davehasthreepropertiesthatwouldbeextremelybeneficialforourbusiness.He’snotgoingtojustsellthemtomakemoney,hewantstomakesuretheygototherightperson.Iwanttobethatperson.”
“Justseemsso…aggressive.”
“Whenyou’reincommercialpropertydevelopment,youhavetobeaggressive.Youcan’tsleeponanything.Youhavetoknowwhat’sselling,whereit’sselling,andthepotentialforthespot.Breaker,JP,andIalwayskeepoureyesandearsopen,whiledevelopingourexistingpropertiestocontinuetomakemoneyforus.Dave’spropertieswouldbeahugeopportunitythatIcan’tjustletslipbybecausehedoesn’tknowmeasaperson.Thatdoesn’tsitwellwithme.”
Shenods.“Icanseehowthatmightmakesense.Iwouldn’tgototheextentthatyoudo,butIgetit.”
Thehostilityinhervoicehassubsidedandthepinchinherbrowhasloosened.Ihatetoadmitit,butmaybethisquestionsthingwasn’tabadideaafterall.
“Doyouwantmetoaskaquestionnow?”
Shenodsagain.“Yeah,takeawhackatit.”
Okay,ifshe’sgoingtocomeinhotwithahardquestion,soamI.“WhyareyousoashamedoftellingyourmomandJeffaboutbeingfired?”
“Should’veexpectedthatquestion,givenwhatIaskedyou.”Shesighs.“IgrewupwithAngela,theownerofAngeloop,thelifestyleblog.She’sgivingGwynethPaltrowoveratGooparunforhermoney.Wewereon-again,off-againfriends.”
“What’sthat?”Iask.“AsfarasI’mconcerned,you’reeitherfriendsoryou’renot.”
Lottieshakesherhead.“NotwithAngela.She’dhaveafriendoftheweek,kindoflikeaflavor-of-the-weeksituation.Shehadnoproblembouncingfromfriendtofriend,andwhenshegottiredofone,she’dmoveontothenext,andthentheywerehernextbestfriend.Growingupinarichcityonablue-collarincome,Angelawasexcitingtome.Iknowitsoundsridiculous,butwhenyou’reakid,flashythingsarefun.Angelahadalltheflashythings,andwehadsomuchfuntogether.We’drollintoschoolinherBMW,spendweekendsatherhousehavingpoolparties,andthenonerandomday,I’dbedroppedasthepersonshewentto.Itwastorturous,toxic,andyet,Ikeptacceptingherbackbecauseofthefuntimeswehadtogether.”
“Isee,”Isay.“That’sthedefinitionoftoxic.”
“Iknow,andthat’swhatmymomsaidtome.MymomreallyhatesAngela,actually.So,whenIgraduatedfromschoolwithamaster’sinbusinessandAngelaofferedmeajobathergrowingstart-up,mymomwasextremelyskepticalaboutmejoiningforceswithsomeonewho’ssohotandcold.”
“Anaturalfeeling.”
“Yes,perhaps.Momwassoright.Sheoncesaidsomethingthathitsmemorenowthanitdidatthetime.‘She’streatedyouwithdisdainandrelentlesscrueltyasafriendthroughoutyourwholefriendship,Lottie,sohowdoyouthinkshebelievesshecantreatyouinbusiness?’”
“Thesameway,right?”
“Yeah.Butmyoptionswereslim.IcouldgoworksomewherethathadahintofthefieldIwantedtobein,orIcouldworkforAngela,growabusiness,andtakecharge.Sheofferedmealowstartingsalaryandsaidafterayear,ifIhelpedgrowthebusiness,she’dgivemetheraiseIdeserved.Ithoughtitwasasolidsituation.Mymom,Jeff,andsisterallsaidnottodoit,thatAngelacouldn’tbetrusted.ButIdiditanywayandIexcelled.Igrewthatbusinesstowhereitisnow.IhadahugepartinbringingAngelatotheforefrontofeveryone’seyes.Andwhenthetimecameformyraise…”
“Shefiredyou.”Ishakemyhead.“I’mprettyruthlesswhenitcomestobusiness,butthere’snowayinhellI’deverdosomethinglikethat.IknowagoodemployeewhenIseethem,andinsteadofcuttingthemout,Imakesuretodevelopthem.Theywoulddosomuchbetterundermywing,thanwithacompetitor.MyguessisAngelafeltthreatenedbyyouandshewantedtogetridofyoubeforeeveryoneelseinthecompanyrealizedhowvaluableyouwere.”
“Probably.”Sheglancesdownatherlinkedhands.“Eitherway,IwastooembarrassedtotellmymomandJeff.Ididn’twanttoheartheItoldyouso’s,andthat’showIcametobesittinghere,withyou.Desperationtosaveface.”
“Iunderstandtheneedtoprotectareputation.Ithinkit’soneofthereasonsI’mbeingsoaggressiveinmyapproachwithDave.EveryoneinthebusinessknowsI’mgoingaftertheproperties,andeveryoneknowsIgetwhatIwant,butDaveisgivingmearunformymoney,andthatputsablemishonmyreputation.”
“Youcan’twinthemall.”
“Ido,”Itellher.“Ialwayswin.”
“Gladyourperspectiveisforgiving.”
Iletoutalightchuckle.“What’syoursecondquestion?”
Tiltingherheadtotheside,studyingme,sheasks,“Youseemsostiffallthetime,it’shardformetoimagineyouactuallyhavingfun,soIguessmyquestionis,whatdoyouliketodoforfun?”
Irubmyhandovermyjaw.“WhenIgettotakeasecondtobreathe,Ienjoygoingtobaseballgames.”
“Letmeguess—yousitinthecushionedseats.”
“Iwouldn’tsettleforanythingless.”
“Iknowthisisanotherquestion,butwe’llcallitquestion2a.”
“I’llletitslide,”Ianswer.
“Doyouhaveafavoriteteam?”
Ishakemyhead.“Notreally,actually,whichseemsodd.IlikeafewoftheCaliforniateamshere,Ienjoygoingtothedifferentballparksandseeinghowtheydifferfromothers,andIfollowmygoodfriendfromcollege.He’sretiringthisyear,onhisfarewelltour.”
“Ooo,question2b,who’syourfriend?”
Ichuckle.“PennCutler.HepitchesfortheChicagoBobbies,butwewenttocollegetogether.He’shadabumpyroadinthemajors,buthe’slookingsolidthislastseason.”
“I’mgoingtohavetolookhimup.But…baseball,that’sit?That’stheonlyfunthingyouliketodo?”
“Nah,Ilikehangingwithmybrothers.Pooldays.Simplegameslikeringtoss,cornhole,goingtothebeach.I’mnotasurfer,buttheboysandIplayfootballonthebeachprettyoften.”Ishrug.“Justchillingwhenwegetachance.”
Sheblinksafewtimesandthenchucklesassheshakesherhead.“Ineverwould’vepickedyouassomeonewho’dplayfootballonthebeach.Ifiguredyou’reamanwholikestohangoutinoldsmokerooms,wearingalogoedsmokingjacket,cigarinhand,talkingaboutthestockmarketandhowtheDowisfuckingyouover.You’rethekindofguywhogoestotheoperaandlikesit.Thekindofmanwhotakespianolessonsinhissparetimebecauseheneedstobegoodateverything.”
“IlearnedtoplaywhenIwasyoung.”
“Ofcourseyoudid.Butfootballonthebeach,that’sanormalperson’sactivity.Nextyou’regoingtotellmeyouenjoygoingtoconcerts.”
“Ido,”Isay.“Hastobetherightmusic,though.I’mnotabouttogotoaBrunoMarsconcert,butiflet’ssayForeignerisintown,I’llbesuretograbtickets.”
“Nope,noway,Idon’tseethatforyou.Idon’tseeyouatconcerts.Andifyoudogotoconcerts,you’reprobablythestiffguy,beerinhand,whodoesn’tmove,doesn’tsing,doesn’tcrackasmile.”
“You’dbesurprised.”She’sloosenedmeupwiththesequestions,andI’mnotreallycomfortablewiththat.I’m…cautiousbynature,ruthlesswhennecessary.Buthavingtwobrothersasbestfriends,I’vebecomereticentwithothers.Andhere’sLottie,determinedtoknowmemorethanI’mwillingtogive.
“Veryinteresting.”Shehasasmileonherface,anexpressionsogenuinethatI’msurprisedthisisallsheneeded.Aconversation,somethingsosimple.“Okay,yourturn,askyourfinalquestion.”
Givingitsomethought,Ifinallyask,“Dreamconcerttoattend?”
“Deadoralive?”
“Both,”Ianswer.
“IfIcouldresurrectFreddieMercury,I’dprettymuchgivemysoultodoso.Toseehimlive,towatchhimperform…God,itwouldbetheultimatedream.Buttowatchalive…hmm,rightnow…probablyFleetwoodMac.”
Surprised,Isay,“Iwasnotexpectingthatanswer.Fromeverythingyou’vesaid,Iwould’vethoughtyouweregoingtosayForeigner.”
“Imean,theyareontopofthelist,butI’mobsessedwithStevieNicks,andthenewcollabsshedidwithMileyCyrus…ooo,sogood.Andthey’rejustchillmusic,youknow?Youcanlistentothemonarainydayorwhenyou’reatthebeach.And‘Dreams’”Asmilecrossesherface.“Ithinkitwouldbetheperfectmake-outsong.Thetempo,thefeelofit.It’ssogood.AreyouafanofFleetwoodMac?”
Inod.“Iam.I’llplaythemwhileworkingsometimes.”
Sheholdsupherhandinsurprise.“Youlistentomusicwhileyou’reworking?”
“Everyday.”
“Wow.”Shepushesmyshoulder.“See?ThisiswhatIneeded.Toseeyouactlikeahuman.”Sheletsoutadeepbreath.“Ifeelbetter.”Shepicksupherspoonanddigsbackintohersoup.
“Youfeelbetter?Justlikethat?”
“Yup.Youshouldknow,Huxley,I’mprettyeasy.”
“Yeah…foundthatoutlastnight.”
“Andwouldyoulookatthat—hejokestoo.Amazing.”ChapterFourteen
LOTTIE
Icheckmywatchtoseewhattimeitis.Alittlepastone.WeatelunchearlytodaybecauseKelseyhadameetingwithapotentialclientatonethirty.I’vebeenworkingonthewebsiteforthepasthourandahalfandIneedtotakeabreather.
Leaningbackintheuncomfortablediningchair—we’regoingtoneedanofficespaceatsomepoint,ratherthanKelsey’ssmallstudioapartment—IpickupmyphoneandopenmytextthreadwithHuxley.
Yesterdaywasarollercoaster.OneminuteI’mimpressedwiththemaninhowhekepthispromiseandsetupanothermeetingforKelsey,nottomentionfindingouthowhecaredforhisemployees,defyingthenegativeimageofhimIhadinmyhead.Next,hehasmegoingtosomecreepypregnancyclassthatputmefaroutsideofmycomfortzone.Itdidn’thelpthathecouldn’tjustbefuninthemoment.Thatwastheworstpartofit—ifhe’dbeenlaughingwithmethroughtheawkwardencounter,itwould’vebeenamomenttoremember,buthewaslikearobot,anditmadeitthatmuchworse.AndthenweranintoAngela.
God,couldshebeanyworseofahuman?
Idespiseher.
Thenerveshehadtosay,let’sworksomethingout,whenshesawIwasdatingHuxleyCane—fakedating,Iknow,butstill.She’sbeenshowinghertruecolorslately.ButwhatwasevenworsethanrunningintoherwasthewayHuxleyreacted.
Hewasprotective.
Hedefendedme.
Hetookholdofthesituation.
ThismanthatI’ddespisedforthepastweekorsosuddenlycamethroughforme,withoutmeevenasking.Idon’tthinkI’deverbeenmoreconfused.
Hewasjust…there.Holdingmyhand,makingsureIwasallright.
Butwhilewewereinthecar,heturnedbackintoarobot.
Stiffsettohisshoulders,tightgriponthesteeringwheel.Heshutmeoutintheblinkofaneye.
AndIhavenoideawhy.
Now,thatrobotpersonacarriedoverintodinner.Icouldn’ttakeitanymore;Iwasfedupandalmostwalkedout.
Likethemercurialmanheis,hedippedandshowedthatgenerouspersonalityagain,theoneIsawwhilewewereatChipotle.
Andheofferedmetwoquestionsadayandnight,somethingIwasn’texpectingeither.I’mnotsurehethoughtIwasseriousaboutaskingthem,butIam.It’llmakethingssomucheasierifIactuallygettoknowthisman.I’llfeelmorecomfortableand,likeKelseysaid,maybeIcanmakethingsmorebelievablebetweenus.
Isendhimatext.
Lottie:Whatareyoulisteningtorightnow?
WhenIseethedotsappearnexttohisname,I’msurprised.
Huxley:“TheChain”—FleetwoodMac.Youputmeinthemoodyesterday.Beenlisteningtothemallday.
Ismiletomyselfandtexthimback.
Lottie:Metoo.Justgotdonesingingmyheartoutto“Rhiannon.”MycomputermousewasmymicrophoneandIusedtheflashlightonmyphoneformoodlighting.Didyoudothesame?
Huxley:No.
Lottie:Babysteps,Iguess.Goahead,askmeoneofyourdaytimequestions.
Huxley:Isthatwhat’shappeningrightnow?
Lottie:Yes,yousaidIgettwoquestionsduringtheday,twoatnight.So…goahead.
Huxley:Craziestthingyoueverdidincollege?
Lottie:Throwbackquestion.Okay,uh…well,Iwasn’treallycrazyincollege.IknowitseemsasthoughImighthavestoriestotell,butIreallydon’thavemany,justoneclaimtopartyfame.
Huxley:Whatisit?
Lottie:Therewasthisbarwewenttoalot,theChickenLeg.Itwasaholeinthewall.TheyacceptedanyformofID,andtheyhadsomeofthebestmusiceverplayed,andwhenIsaybestmusic,IthinkyouknowwhatI’mtalkingabout.Oldschoolrock.Theyhadalip-syncwetT-shirtcontestonenight.Prizewasonethousanddollars.
Huxley:IthinkIseewherethisisgoing.
Lottie:Idon’thavemuchtoworkwithupstairs,butIworethethinnestT-shirtIhad,nobra,andwhenitwasmyturntolip-sync“Don’tStopBelievin’,”Idrenchedmyboobsinwaterandwentforit.Iwasonethousanddollarsricherthatnight.
Huxley:Whatdidyoudowiththemoney?
Lottie:PaidforparkingticketsIaccumulatedfrombeinglazyandparkinginthewrongparkingspotsatschool.
Huxley:That’sanunfortunatewaytospendit.
Lottie:Itwasgoingtobillseitherway.
Huxley:Didyouworkincollege?
Lottie:Isthatyoursecondquestion?
Huxley:Yes.
Lottie:Then,yes.Iwasawaitressatasteakjoint.Imadegoodmoney,butthehourswerelong,thecustomerswerebrutal,andItookbackatleastonesteakaweektothekitchenforbeingcookedtoorare.ButIserveddinnertorichpeopleandtheypaidwell.It’swhyI’mnotdrowningindebt.Well,thatandyou…
Huxley:Havingonlythirtythousanddollarsinstudentdebtaftergraduatingjustayearago?That’sreallygood,actually.
Lottie:Butwhenyouhavenothing,thirtythousandisalot.
Huxley:Igetit.What’syoursecondquestion?
Lottie:What’syourfavoriteboardgametoplay?
Huxley:Don’thaveone.
Lottie:That’saboringanswer.Youhavetohavesomesortofboardgameyouenjoy.
Huxley:Idon’tplayboardgames.
Lottie:Cardgame?
Huxley:Uno?
Lottie:Isthataquestionorananswer?
Huxley:Answer.It’stheonlythingIcouldthinkof.BreakermakesusplayUnoAttackeveryonceinawhile.It’sfun.
Lottie:Ooooo,IloveUnoAttack.Whenthosecardsspitoutatyou,it’sthedevil’swork.Goodanswer,Huxley.Iaccept.
Huxley:Gladtohearit.Now,gettingbacktowork.
Lottie:Seeyouatdinner.
***
“Didyouaskforthisonpurpose?”IaskwhenReignleavestheroom.
Huxley,who’slookingparticularlyhandsomeinablackbutton-upshirt,placeshisnapkinonhislapbeforereachingforthehomemadehorseradishsauce.“Youputmeinthemoodforsteak.Hopeyoudon’thavetosendyoursback.”
“Cheeky,”Isay.Hedumpssomesauceonhissteakandthenhandsmethedish.Ourfingersglideoveroneanother,andforsomereason,thewarmtouchofhisfingersendsaboltoflustupmyarmandstraighttomyheart.Wherethehelldidthatcomefrom?
Clearingmythroat,Isay,“Thislooksgoodthough.Fingerlingpotatoesand…what’sthisgreenthing,again?”Iask.
“Broccolini.”
He’sansweringinclipped,shortresponses,whichonlyleadsmetobelieveonething—heneedstobewarmedupagainifI’mgoingtogethimtoengagelikeearlier.Heseemedprettyopenthroughtexts,butinperson,hisguardisup.ThegoodthingisIknowitcanbetorndownwithsomecoaxing.
“BroccolinilookslikesomethingfromaDr.Seussbook.”
“It’sgood.”
“What’sthisstuffonit?”Iask,seeingifhe’llexpandonhiscomments.
“Mustardvinaigrette.”Huxleycutsintohissteak.
Oh-kay…
I’mwrackingmybrainforwhatelseIcanask,whenhesays,“IreachedouttoDavetoday,likeIpromised.Iaskedtosetupameetingwithhimtogooverbusiness.”
Ohcrap,Iforgothesaidhewasgoingtodothat,evenafteradmittinghe’dlikemoretimetoworkthefriendshipangle.Ifeelguilty.IhadamomentofweaknesslastnightwhenItoldhimIwasdone.Iwasfrustrated,anddeservinglyso,giventheclosed-offindividualI’vebeeninteractingwith.Butthatfrustrationmorphedintosomethingelselastnight—appreciation.
Appreciationforhimlooseningupandgivingmyideaachancewithoutadisgruntledlookorthought.
“Youdidn’thavetocallDave,”Isay.“Iwasjustinabadstateofmindlastnight.Ishouldn’thavetoldyouthatIwasreadytobedone.”Iglanceupathim.“I’msorry.”
“It’sfine.Businessneedstobetakencareof,”Huxleysaysrathercoldly.“He’sgoingtotrytomakesometimeformethisweek.Whenhedoes,I’llbesuretotellhimyou’rebusyandcan’tmeetupwithEllie.”
“Huxley,youdon’thavetodothat.Isignedacontract.IcangooutwithEllie.”
Hiseyeslandonmeandsternlyhesays,“It’sfine.”
Itdoesn’tfeelfine.
Butjustlikethat,theconversationisover.JustwhenIthoughthewasstartingtowarmuptome,heturnsintothistaciturnmanagain.NotsureI’lleverunderstandthesemoodswingsorwhyhehasthem,probablybecausehewon’tletmegetcloseenoughtofigureoutwhyheactsthewayhedoes.
ButIguessthat’s“business”foryou…right?
I’msosickofthat.Ofthatterm.Whendidbusinessbecomethisimpersonal?Whenmymomfirstownedhercleaningbusiness,beforebeinghiredasaseniormanagerinhercurrentposition,shewasnevercold.Shewaswarm,friendly.Itwasoneofthereasonswhyhercustomerslovedhersomuch,becauseshetookgreatcareofthem,becauseshewas,infact…notindifferent.Although,tobefair,Mom’sbusinessinvolvedgivingtoherclients,whereasHuxleyisinthebusinessofacquisitions.
Butthatdoesn’texplainwhyHuxleyhastheneedtoactlikethis.
Let’sseeifIcanloosenhimuplikeIdidlastnight.
“Questiontime—areyouready?”
Hisbrowraisesasheglancesupatme.Forananosecond,Ithinkhe’sgoingtodenymethesatisfactionofcrackinghisexterioronceagain,butthenhiseyesreturntohissteakashecutsintoit.“Ready.”
Man,itisgoingtobehardtopullhimoutofhisshelltonight.Ithastobeagoodquestion,somethingthatwillgethimtalking.
Hmm…
Somethingtoreallygethimtalking.
Somethingthatwillappealtohim.
Igotit.
“Ifyouhadaboat,wherewouldyougo?”Asimplequestionwithroomtoelaborate.
“Idohaveaboat.Ayacht,ifyoucaretobecorrectabouttheterminology.”
Oh,huh.
“Youdo?”Iask,feelingsurprised.Imean,ofcoursehe’dhaveayacht,he’sabillionairewholivesneartheocean.Whywouldn’thehaveayacht?Thatwouldbelike…uh…likeaknightwithoutahorse.Sure,thatworks.Well,andasword,ofcourse.
“Yes,mybrothersandIactuallyshareitbecausewethoughtitwouldbestupidtoallhaveyachts,especiallysincewedon’tgooutonitallthatmuch.”
Commonsense.
“Okay…so,ifyoucouldgoanywhereonyouryacht,wherewouldyougo?”
“Alaska.”
“Alaska?”Iask,feelingevenmoreshockedwiththatanswer.“WhyAlaska?IthoughtyouweregoingtosaysomethingliketheMediterranean,youknow,becauseinmyheadthat’swherealltherichpeoplego.”
“Alaska,becauseit’sbreathtakingupthere.Thecascadingmountainscappedinsnow,thebluewaters,thetallpines,andwildlife.”Henods.“I’dspendmytimethere,exploring.”
“Holdup,areyoutellingmeyou’rethekindofmanwhoshedsthesuitandputsonapairofhikingboots?”
“Isthatyoursecondquestion?”heasks.
“Considerit1a,”Isaywithagrin.
Thesmallestofsmirkspullsattheleftcornerofhismouthbeforehesays,“Idoenjoyhiking.”
“Thatwasn’tonthelistofthingsyouliketodoforfun.”
Heshrugs.“Well,it’soneofthethingsIliketodo.Therearesomedecenttrailsaroundhere,especiallyupinthehills.TheboysandItrytogetafewhikesinontheweekendsduringthemonth.Wehaven’tbeeninabitbecauseoflife.But,yeah,I’dtaketheyachttoAlaskaandgohiking,whalewatching,camping.”
“Whydon’tyou?”
“Time,”hesays.“Timeisalwaysthefactor.”
“Butyoucouldretirerightnow,youhaveenoughmoneyformorethanalifetime,sowhykeepgoing?”
Hecutsapieceofhissteakandpiercesitwithhisfork.Whenhisdarkeyesmeetmine,Ifeelmybreathcatchinmychest.Theintensitythrowsmeforaloop.“Wecan’tjuststopwhatwe’redoing.Alotofpeopledependonusforaliving.Fortheirlivelihood.UntilIfeelcomfortableenoughtofindsomeonewhocouldtakecareofthebusinesswhileweweregone,I’llworkforthepeoplewhoworkforme.”
Anoutsiderlookingin,listeningtoHuxleyandhisclippedtonesandshort-wordedanswers,wouldthinkthemanhasnoheart,butthenhegivesyouananswerlikethat.Hehasallthemoneyonepersoncouldeverneed,hecouldjetoffsomewhereandbedonewitheverworkingagain,butheseesthatheowespeoplehistime,becausethey’vegivenhimtheirs.
Thathitsmeharderthanexpected.
“That’saverykindanswer,Huxley.You’remakingmethinkthere’saheartunderthatpressedshirtafterall.”
“It’stherewhenitneedstobe.”Hetakesadrinkofhiswaterandasks,“Bestplaceyou’veevergoneonvacation?”
“Ooo,you’regoingtobesadlydisappointed.Wedidn’treallygoonvacationgrowingup.Mymomdidn’thavethemoney,butwhenshedidsaveenoughonoccasion,weusedtohaveafantasticdayatDisneyland.Momwouldspoilus.We’dgetthereearlybeforetheparkopened,haveallthefoodweeverwanted,ridetheridestwice,sometimesthreetimes,andthenstayuntiltheparkclosed.SomeofmybestmemoriesareofgoingtoDisneyland.Theonlyvacationwe’veeverbeenonwaswhenwewenttotheRedwoodNationalPark.Wewentcamping.Wearen’twildernessladies,butitwasfun.Weattemptedtocookfoodoverafire,livedoffs’mores,andplayedcardstheentireweekend,whenweweren’tmarvelingatthetrees.Itwasalotoffun.”
“Soundslikeit.I’vealwaysenjoyedcamping.”
“Letmeguess—withyourbrothers.”
Henods.“Yeah,wedoeverythingtogether.”
“I’msensingthat.Youknow,I’veneverbeenformallyintroducedtothem,butI’mguessingtheyknowallaboutme.”
“Theydo.”
“Well,maybeFridayIcangetaproperintroduction.”
“Icanarrangethat.”HebitesintohissteakandIwatchashisfirmjawmovesupanddown.Okay,forsomereason,thatseemssexytome.Yup,IthinkImightbelosingit.“Yourturntoaskaquestion.”
“Right,”Isay,turningbacktomyplate.“Uh…who’syourfavoritebrother?”
Hechuckles.“Goingthere,huh?”
“Mightaswell.IneedtobepreparedwhenIdomeetthem.”
“IfIhadtopick,IwouldsayI’mclosertoJP.We’recloserinage,wegotintomoretroubletogether,andweworkedmoreonbuildingthebusinesstogether.He’salsotheoneI’dprobablygotoifIneededsomeonetohelpbailmeoutofjail.”
“Jail?Whyareyougoingtojail?”
“Wedidstupidshitgrowingup.”
“Likewhat?”Iask.
Heshakeshishead.“Aquestionforanotherday.Yourquotaisup.Anddon’ttrythat2a,2bbullshitonme,youalreadyusedit.”
“Well,aren’tyouakilljoy?”
“Justplayingthegameasitwaslaidout.Myturn.”Heliftshisglassofwaterandtakesasip.Whenhesetstheglassdown,helooksuncertain.“I’mnotsurehowtoaskthiswithoutitsoundingharsh,butwhathappenedtoyourdad?”
“That’snotbeingharsh.Heleftmymomearlyon.Hewasatruckdriver.Didn’twanttostayinoneplace.Ineverhadarelationshipwiththeman,buthealwayssentmymomchildsupport.It’swhyshewasabletoaffordthehousewelivein.IrememberhearingmymomtalktomygrandmalateonenightwhenDadfirstleft.Momwassayingshedidn’tfeelrighttakingthemoneyfromhim,butmygrandmashotdownthosefeelingsveryquickly.ItwasthefirsttimeIheardmygrandmatalkinsuchastricttone.Shesaidmymomdidn’thaveherbabiesonherown.Thatthemoneyhesentwasn’tcharity,itwashisduty.Andfromthenon,Momacceptedhischeckseverymonth.Wesenthimhomemadecardsonholidaysandhisbirthdays,butthatwastheextentofit.Now,Ihonestlyhavenoideawhathe’sdoingorwhereheis.Andwe’reokaywiththatbecausewehaveJeff,andJeffisallweneed.”
Huxleyissilentforamomentbeforehesays,“Icouldn’timagineabandoningmyfamilylikethat,butatleasthehaditinhishearttobethereinsomecapacity.”
“HehelpedgiveusahomeMomwouldn’totherwisehavebeenabletoafford.Andit’ssuchagreathome,fullofmemories.”
“IfeltthatwhenIwasthere.Veryhomey.”Heplopsanotherpieceofsteakinhismouthandthengoesquiet.
Heremainsthatwayfortherestofthenight.And,ofcourse,beingthepersonthatIam,Irecountourconversationinmyhead,tryingtopinpointthemomentorthethingIsaidthatshuthimdownsoquickly.
IfonlyIcouldask…
***
“Whatareyoudoing?”KelseyasksasIbringmyfeetupintomychairandpropmyphoneonmyknees.
“GettingreadytoaskHuxleysomequestions.”
“Aboutwhat?”
“Abouthim,”Ianswer.“It’spartofthedealsoIdon’tfreakoutabouthavingtoliveandactwitharobot.Igettoaskhimquestions.Twoduringthedayandtwoatnight.Hegetstodothesame.”
“Wow,thatseemsvery…calculated.”
“That’sHuxleyforyou.Themanneedsorder.”
Kelseystudiesmeandthenscootsherchairclosersoshecanreachoutandpokemeinthearm.“Youlikehim,don’tyou?”
“What?”Iaskwithapinchinmybrow.“Areyounuts?No,Idon’tlikehim.He’s…he’sasociopath.NotthetypeofguyI’devergofor.Butit’snicegettingtoknowhimalittlebitbetter,becausehavingdinnerwithsomeonewhoeitherspendshistimeirritatingmeorbeingcompletelysilentisn’twhatI’dcallfun.Thismakesthedealeasier.”
“Uh-huh,”shesayswithasmileasshegetsoutofherchair.“I’mgoingtowalktothesaladshoparoundthecorner.Wantmetograbyousomething?”
“Please.”Ismileather,notgivingintoherdisbelief.“Choppedsalad,notomatoes.Thanks,sis.”
Withthatgrinofhers,shegrabsherpurseandheadsoutthedoor.Whenitclicksshut,IopenupmytextthreadwithHuxleyandaskhimthequestionIwantedtoaskhimlastnight.Maybehe’dbemorereceptivetoansweringovertext,wherehedoesn’thavetolookmeintheface.
Lottie:Whatstupidshitdidyoudoasakid?
Ismiletomyselfasthedotsappearonthethread.
Huxley:Iknewthatwascoming.
Lottie:So,thenyoumighthaveagoodanswerforme,right?
Huxley:Dependsonwhatgoodis.
He’ssomuchmoreplayfulthroughtext.Makesmewonder—doeshefeelasthoughhedoesn’thavetomaintainhisfa?adewhentexting,likehedoeswhenwe’reinperson?Mostlikelyhefeelsasthoughhecanbemorehimself.Hidebehindthecomfortofhisphonelikeaprotectiveshield.
Lottie:Stopavoiding.Tellmeallthenaughtythingsyou’vedone.
Huxley:Youwantnaughty?
Lottie:Notthatkindofnaughty…well…huh,nowI’mcurious.Areyouanaughtyman?
Huxley:Arethoseyourtwoquestionsfortheday?
Lottie:Youdriveahardbargain,butIkindofwantthemanswered,so,yes,thosearemytwoquestions.I’dlikethejail-timequestionansweredfirst.
Huxley:Fortherecord,weneverwenttojail,becausewewerenevercaught.Butwewereboredassholesandwouldfuckwithourneighbors,stealingstupidshitfromlawnsandputtingitinotherpeople’syards.So,Mr.GalstoneonthecornerwouldendupwithMrs.Dreerie’spottedplants,butwewouldalterthemsomehow,likespray-paintingtheplanters.Stupidshit,butitgottheneighborstalking,arguing.Itwasentertaining.
Lottie:Youlittleassholes.Man,thatwoulddriveJeffnutsifsomethinglikethathappenedtohim.He’sveryprotectiveofhisyard.Hewisheshe’dbeacknowledgedbyTheFlatsyardcommittee,butwe’reonestreetofffrombeingconsidered.Jeffbelieveshedeservesrecognition.Wealldo.
Huxley:Inoticedtheyardwasverywellmanicured.Hedoesagreatjob.
Lottie:He’dappreciatethecompliment.Now…askmeaquestion.
Huxley:Youdon’twantmyanswertoyourotherquestionrightnow?
Lottie:I’llwait.Hitmewithahardone.
Huxley:Okay…haveyoueverbeeninlove?
Istaredownatmyphone,readinghisquestionoverandoveragain.Forsucharoboticman,Ineverthoughthe’daskaquestionlikethat.WhenIsaidhard,Imeantsomethinglike“Whowouldyoudieonaswordfor?TeamJacoborTeamEdward?”
Sidenote…glitterdick,allday,everyday.
ButhaveIeverbeeninlove?Nowthat’saheavyquestion.
Huxley:I’mwaiting…
Andhe’srelentless.Iguessit’sonlyfairIanswer.
Lottie:HaveIeverbeeninlove?Umm,thatwouldbeano.Asolidno.I’vebeenwithafewguys,dated,butnoonehasevercapturedme.I’mprettysuremyheartwillwaittofallforsomeonewhenIleastexpectit.
Huxley:Howmanyguyshaveyoubeenwith?
Lottie:Isthatyoursecondquestion?
Huxley:Yes.
Lottie:Throwingawayasecondquestiononsuchamenialsubject.I’vebeenwithfiveguys,andI’llthrowyouabone,onlyoneofthemhasmademecome.Thatoneguy…wasyou.
MyfaceheatsupasIpressSend.DearJesus,whydidIsaythat?Thatwasn’tflirting,wasit?No,I’mnotflirtingwithhim.Thatwasjusttellingthetruth,andknowingthekindofmanHuxleyis,he’llbeproudhe’stheonlyone,becausehe’sanalphaandhethrivesoninformationlikethat.It’llhelphimopenuptomemore…hopefully.
Huxley:Clearly,you’vebeenwithsomeassholes.GladIcouldmakeyoucomeallovermyfingers.
Ooof…okay,thingsaregettingacutelysweatyoverhere.
Thebackofmyneckfeelsdewy,myupperlipalsoseemstohaveasheentoit.Whatan“attractive”reactiontoadecentlydirtytext.
Lottie:You’retheonlyone,otherthanmyself.
Huxley:IfIgiveyouonemorequestion,willyougivemeonemore?
Lottie:I’mintrigued.So…yes.
Huxley:Askanotherquestionfirst.Thenaughtyone?
Lottie:No.I’msavingthatforlast.Iwanttoknowifyou’veeverbeeninlove.
Huxley:Never.NoonehasevencomeclosetomakingmefeelasthoughIcouldspendtherestofmylifewiththem,asifIcan’tgoanotherdaywithoutlayingeyesonthem,asifIneedtheminmyarmsjusttogetasolidnight’ssleep.I’veonlyeverhadsurface-levelrelationshipswiththewomenI’vebeenwith.
Lottie:Iwouldn’thaveguessedthatwouldbeyouranswer.Fromthewayyouact,yourclippedtone,yourstandoffishbehavior,Iwould’veswornsomeonebrokeyourheart.
Huxley:Therewassomeonewhofuckedmeinthehead,butIwasn’tinlove.Iwasmore…attachedforthewrongreasons.Forbusiness.
Lottie:Oh,Isee.Well,thatexplainsyourneedtokeepeverythingbusinessrelatedbetweenus.
Huxley:There’sareasonforeverything.
Lottie:What’syourthirdquestionforme?
Huxley:YousaidI’mtheonlyonewhogotyouoff,besidesyourself.Tellmethebestwayyou’veevermadeyourselforgasm.
Cuemoreupper-lipsweat.BecauseIknowprecisely,withoutadoubt,noquestioninmymind,whichmoment.Butmyanswerisonlygoingtopuffuphischestmore
Lottie:Itwasthenightyougotmeoff.WhenIwentbacktomyroom,Ifuckedmyselfwithmypurplevibratorandcamesohard,justthinkingabouthowyoucommandedmybodyonlymomentsbefore.AndIrealizehowinappropriatethatansweris,butit’sthetruth.Youworkedmeupthatnight.Therewasnoturningback.
Huxley:Yourbodywaseasytocommand.
Isetmyphonedownforasecondandtakeadeepbreath.Okay,yes,themanisattractive,hehasawaywithwords,andwhenheshowsit,hispersonalityisactuallyoneIlike,butIneedtotreadcarefullyhere.Eventhoughthisisstrictlybusiness,apartofmebelievesifIlethim,ifIlethimintomyroom,hewouldn’tthinktwiceaboutit.
Lottie:It’sathoughtfulbody,alwayswantingtoincludeeveryone.
GoodGod,whatdoesthatevenmean?
Beforehecanrespondtothat,Iquicklysendhimanothertext.
Lottie:Okay,sowhat’sthenaughtiestthingyou’veeverdone?
Huxley:Naughtyinmyeyesprobablyisn’tnaughtyinsomeoneelse’s.I’vefuckedwomeninsomeprettyweirdplaces,butthat’sjustfucking.Naughtytomemeanscrossingaline,alinethatprobablyshouldn’tbecrossed.Somethingforbidden.
Lottie:I’dagreewiththat.
Huxley:Sothen,thenaughtiestthingI’veeverdonewasundoingyourrobeandslippingmyfingersinsideyoursweetcunt.
Blinks.
Swallows.
Nearlychokesonownsaliva.
Okay,what’shappening?Whatisactuallyhappening?Isheflirting?Ishejustbeingblunt?What’sgoingoninthatheadofhis?Inquiringmindswanttoknow,becausehisanswerisblowingmymindrightnow.
Lottie:Therehastobesomethingnaughtierthanthat.Like,youknow,takingsomeoneonyourofficedesk,ormaybewhipsandchains?Idon’tknow,Ican’tbeit.
Huxley:Icrossedalinethatnight.You’reforbidden,offlimits,partofabusinessdeal,andIlostcontrol.Iallowedmyselftogiveintotemptation.BehappyIonlytouchedyourpussy,becauseifIwould’vehaditmyway,thatrobewouldn’thavestayedon.Ihaveameeting.I’llseeyoufordinner.
Isetmyphonedownandslowlylookup.HowthehellamIsupposedtohavedinnerwithhimnow?
***
“Steakandarugulasaladwithcandiedpecans,fingerlingpotatoes,peppers,gorgonzolacheese,andabalsamicglaze.Enjoy,”Reignsaysbeforeleavingustoourplentifulsalads.Wehadsteaklastnight,butthislooksdifferent.Thinlyslicedsteakandpotatoesinasalad…I’veneverheardofsuchathing,butI’llbehonest,I’mhereforit.
WhenIgotbacktoHuxley’shouse,Iwentstraighttothetub,whereItookanicelongbathandusedoneofmyvibratorstotaketheedgeofffromthetextmessages.TherewasnowayI’dbecomingtodinnerallworkedup.Nope,IedgedmyselfoffandthenletthewarmwatersoakintomytensemusclesuntilIwasutterlyrelaxed.
BythetimeIgotout,Huxleywasrushingmewithatextsayingdinnerwasready
Ithrewonarobe—andathong,forobviousreasons—andchargeddownthestairstowhereHuxleywassittingatthetablewearinganavy-bluebutton-upshirt,thesleevesrolledtohiselbowsandthetoptwobuttonsundone.Talkaboutsomeonewhowearsbusinessclotheswell.
“Thislookssogood,”Isaywhilemovingthefoodaroundonmyplate,mixingeverythingtogether.
WhenIglanceatHuxley,helookstenseonceagain,stiffasaboard.
“Uh,everythingokayoverthere?”Iask.Whatcouldhepossiblybeangryaboutnow?Itneverendswiththisman.Ithoughtwe’dmadepeace,thatweweregettingalong.Butwitheverydinner,itfeelsliketwostepsback.
“Whyareyouwearingthat?”Huxleyasks,hiseyesfallingtotherobe.
“Uh,Iwasinthebathtubagainwhenyoutexted.Igotdressedquicklyinthenearestthing.Don’tworry,Iputonunderwearthistime.”Iwink,asifthat’ssupposedtohelp.
Reigncomesbackintothediningroomandsays,“Thekitcheniscleanedandset.Ifyoujustleaveyourplatesinthesink,themorningstaffwilltendtothem.I’mgoingtocatchmydaughter’srecital.”
“Thereareflowersinthepantryfridgeforher,”Huxleysays.“Enjoyyoureveningwithyourfamily.”
“Thankyou,”Reignsayswithasmileandthentakesoff.
“Hehasadaughter?Ididn’tknowhehadafamily.”
“Hedoes.It’swhyIeatearly,sohecangetbacktothem.”
See…therehegoesagain,beingthoughtful.Areyouannoyed?BecauseIam.
Afterafewmomentsofsilence,Huxleyasks,“Areyougoingtoaskyourquestions?”
“Oh,yeah…sure,”Isay.“Umm,letmesee.Aquestion,aquestion.”Itapmychinasnothingcomestomind.Notasinglefreakingthing.AllIcanthinkaboutisthewayhissteelyeyesshottomyrobeasheaskedwhyIwaswearingit.Dark,sinister,asifhewasabouttoripthedamnthingoffmybodywithhisteeth.
“Wecanskipthequestionsfortonight,”hesayswithafirmtone.
“No,no,justgivemeasecond.Uh,what…uh,whatcanyoucook?”
“Cook?”heasks,browsraised.
“Yeah,areyouacookinanyway?Anydishesyoulayclaimto?Anythingyou’resuperproudof?Like,let’ssayJPishavingabackyardbarbecueandeveryonehastobringsomethinghomemade—whatwouldyoubring?”
“JPwouldhaveitcatered,”heanswers.
“Playalong,”Isay.
“Idon’treallycook,butifIhadtomakesomething,I’dgrill,becausethat’stheonlythingI’mdecentat.So,ifIweretobringsomething,probablyburgersReignpreparedforme,andI’dgrillthem.”
“Wow,”Isaywithalaugh.“Thatwasaverywealthyresponse.”
Hebarelysmilesashesays,“I’velosttouchwithsomethingsafterbeinginthebusinessforsolong.Cookingisoneofthem.”
“What’sanotherthingyou’velosttouchwith?”Iask.
“Isthatyoursecondquestion?”
Inod.“Yeah,that’sagoodsecondquestion.”
Heliftshiswaterglasstohislipsandsays,“WhathaveIlosttouchwith?Probablyeverythingathirty-five-year-oldmandoes.Dating,cooking,hobbies.”
“So,you’reallaboutwork,then?”
“That’swhathappenswhenyou’reinapositionlikemine.Itconsumesyou.”Helooksoveratme,eyesintrigued.“Haveyoueverhadsomethingconsumeyou?”
I’massumingthat’soneofhisquestions,soIgiveitsomethought.“Arewetalkingconsumemytime,orconsumemeasawhole,likeworkhasconsumedyou?”
“Consumedyouasawhole.”
“Hmm…IhatethatIknowwhatmyanswerisbecauseIwishsomethingelsewouldconsumeme.”
“Whatisit?”heasks.
“Angela,”Ianswer.“She’sconsumedmebutnotinahealthyway.TherelationshipI’vehadwithherhasbeentoxic.Attimes,she’smademefeelimportant,special,onlytothrowmeawayasifIdidn’tmatter.”Ishakemyhead.“I’veallowedhertohavetoomuchofmyheadspace,andIwishIcouldfindsomethingelsethatwouldconsumeme,somethingthatwouldmakemeforgeteverythingthathappenedbetweenmeandher.”
“Youstillthinkabouthowsheletyougo?”heasks.
“Yes,allthetime,becausethat’sthereasonI’mhererightnow.AndIdon’tmeanthattobeoffensivetoyou,butthisisveryunconventional.So,yeah,IjustwishIcouldletitgo,notgiveheranymoreofmytime.Anymorethought.Ijustneedtofindsomethingthatwilltakeoverthatheadspace,youknow?”
Heslowlynods.
“AndeventhoughIloveworkingwithKelsey,Idon’twantmyheadspacetobetakenoverbywork.Iwantittobesomethinghealthy.Somethingthatbringsmejoy.IguessI’mstilltryingtofigurethatallout.”
Huxley’stonguedragsoverhisteethandhepusheshissaladtotheside.What’shedoing?Hepusheshischairout,puttingspacebetweenhimandthetable.Inacommandingtone,hesays,“Comehere.”
“Uh…what?”Iask.
Hislaser-sharpeyesmeetmine.“Isaidcomehere.”
“Why?”
“I’mgoingtoteachyousomething,somethingtohelpwiththatconsumingfeelingyou’retryingtofulfill.”
“Oh,”Isay.Simpleenough.Istandfrommychair,butbeforeIcanevensetmynapkindown,hegrabsholdofmyhandandpullsmeovertobetweenhislegsandupagainstthethickwoodofthediningroomtable.“Whatthehell?”Isayashesitsmeonthetableinfrontofhim.Isqueezemylegsshutandadjustmyrobesoastonotrevealanything.“Whatareyoudoing?”
“Youwantsomethingtoconsumeyou?Youwantthosethoughtsoutofyourhead?Thisishowyoudoit.”Hishandsgotomythighs,andrealizationfinallykicksin.Hiseyesstayonmineashesays,“Sayitrightnowthatyoudon’twantthisandI’llgobacktoeatingmysalad.Ifnot,I’mgoingtoeatyou.”
Oh.
Dear.
God.
Mixingbusinesswithpleasure,alwaysabadidea.Huxleyhassaiditsomanytimes,buthowonearthcanIdenythesatisfactionofhavinghimmakemecomeagain?Afterthetexts,thetenseconversations,therevealingquestions…howcanIsayno?
There’snochance.
Iwanttobeconsumed.
Iwanttoforget.
Iwanttomoveontosomethingthatisn’tgoingtomakemefeelbad,butrathermakemefeelcompletelysatisfied.
“Whydoyouwanttodothis?”Iaskhim,wantingtofigureoutwherehisheadisat.
“I’magivingman,Lottie,butmyofferdoesn’tlastforever.There’satimelimit.It’seitherayesorano.”
Ibitemybottomlipwhilestaringdownatthisman.Icanpracticallyfeelhimbetweenmylegsalready,thatcoarsefiveo’clockshadowrubbingonmyinnerthighs,whilehisdeliciousmouthpressesagainstmyarousal.
Iwantit.
Ineedit.
Idon’twanthimanywhereelse.
Inod,givinghimthego-ahead,buthedoesn’tmove.Instead,hesays,“Fromyourmouth.Iwanttohearyousayyouwantmebetweenyourlegs.”
Iwetmylips,myheartracingamileaminute.
“Iwantyou,Huxley,betweenmylegs.Yourtongueonmyclit.Iwanttocomeonyourmouth.”
Hiseyesdarkenandhishandsslideupinsidemyrobeandtothewaistbandofmythong.HedragsitdownandIliftuptohelphimpullitallthewayoffme.Hedropsittotheside,almostseeminginsultedthatI’dwearsuchathingtodinner.
Exposed,Ipressmyhandsbehindme,myrobestillcinchedtightatmywaist,andIwatchashishandsslowlycrawlupmyinnerthighs.Hedoesn’tsayanything,doesn’tevenlookatme;instead,he’sfixatedonmycenter,slowlypushingmylegsfartherandfartherapartuntilI’mcompletelyopentohim.
Idon’thavetosmoothmyhandovermypussytoknowI’malreadywet.Justthethoughtofhimbeingnearme,inthisposition,turnsmeon.
Hishandsglideinwarduntilhisthumbgentlyconnectswithmyclit.Hepassesoverthenubafewtimes,asatisfiedgrintuggingathislips.“Wet,justasIexpectyoutobewhenaroundme,”hesaysashisthumbmakescircles.“Wereyouwetatthepregnancyclasswhenyouwerepulsingovermythickcock?”
JesusChrist,nomanhasevertalkedtomelikethis.
“Yes,”Ianswerhonestly.“Iwas.”
“Didyouplaywithyourselfwhenyougothome?”
Isuckinasharpbreathasheplacesakissonmyinnerthigh.“I’veplayedwithmyselfeverynightsinceI’vearrivedatyourhouse.”
Hiseyesmeetmine.“Idon’thearyouatnight.”
“Imakesureofit,”Isay.
“Don’t.”Hestopshisfingers.“Ifyouplaywithyourselfatnight,Iwanttofuckinghearit.Iwanttohearyourmoans.Iwanttoknowthatyou’resatisfied.”
“Wouldyouwanttowatch?”
Hismouthpressesanotherkiss,andanother.“Yes.I’dwatch.”
“Wouldyoumasturbatewhileyouwatchedme?”
“Itwouldbedifficultnotto,butno.”
“Whynot?”Iask.Hismouthissoclose,Iwanttoscream,buthegoestotheotherleg,histonguelightlydraggingovermypussyforabriefsecondbeforetendingtomyotherthigh.Igroaninfrustration.He’sworkedmeupinamatterofseconds.Itusuallytakesmeafewminutes,butnotwithHuxley,notwiththewayhecommandsmybody.Well,andthetextmessagesfromearlier.JustthinkingabouthowI’dcausedhimtotugonthetiesofmyrobe…makesmehot
“Iwouldn’ttouchmyselfbecausetheonlywayI’dwanttocomeisinsideofyou.”Andthenhismouthdescendsonmyclitandmybackarches,thetieofmyrobedangerouslyclosetocomingundonefrommyabruptmovement.
“OhGod,Huxley…yes.”
Histonguemovesovermyclit,circlingit,applyingjustenoughpressuretodrivememad.
“Youtastelikegoddamnhoney.”Hesucksmyclitintohismouth,pulling,teasing,makingeveryboneinmybodyfeellikemush.
“Jesus.”BeforeIcancatchmybreath,heslipstwofingersinsideofme.“Fuck,”Iyell,hopingReignwasthelastpersontoleavetonight.KnowingHuxley,hewouldn’tbedoingthisifsomeoneelsewasinthehouse.
Simultaneously,hecurlshisfingersupinsideofme,hittingaspotthatmakesmyvisiongoblackashistonguerotatesoverandovermysensitivenub.
There’srhythmtohismovements,aprecisesynchronizationthat’sbuildingmyorgasmfastandhard.
Mylegsgonumb,andmyshakyarmscanbarelysupportmyweight.HuxleynoticesandgentlypushesmebackwithhishanduntilI’mlyingdown,mypussyattheedgeofthetable,rightinfrontofhisface.Andhetakesadvantageoftheposition,becausehespreadsmylegsevenfarther,holdsthembothinplace,andthenhismouthlapsmeup.
Overandoverandover.
Hetakesnobreathinbetween.
Hedoesn’tattempttokissmeanywhereelse.
Instead,he’sfocusedonmyclitandmyclitalone.
It’smyundoing.
Thepressurebuildsatthebaseofmyspine,delicious,swirlingpleasure.Myvisionfadestoblack,forcingmetoshutmyeyesandfeelwhatthisconceitedyetcommandingmandoestomybody.I’msweptaway,broughtintoanotherworldwhereIcan’tfeelanythingbutthedistinctpleasureofHuxleybetweenmylegs.
“God,yes,Hux.Pleasedon’tstop.Please.”
Hedoesn’t.
Hedoesn’tevenfalter.
Instead,headdsmorepressuretomyclitbeforemovinghishandstomyinnerthighs,wherehespreadsmylipswithhisthumbs,grantinghimundisturbedaccess.
Andinthisposition,hetakesadvantage.
Histongueswirls.
“Fuck,yes,”Iyell,myarmgoingovermyeyes.
Histonguepulses.
“OhmyGod.”Igripmyhair.
Hislipssuck.
“Holyfuck,yes,Huxley,yes.”
Thepressurebuildsandbuildsandbuildsuntil…
“I’mcoming.Oh,fuck,Huxley,I’mcoming.”
Mybodyspasms,myclitpulsesinhismouth,andmyscreamofecstasybouncesoffthepristine,whitediningroomwallsasIrideoutmyorgasmonhistongue.
Delicious.Addicting.Life-alteringpleasure.
Feelingouttherestofmyorgasm,myhipspulseunderhimandIslowlycomebackdowntoearthasIcatchmybreath.
“Jesus,”Isay,myvoicehoarse.
Huxleyplacesonelastkissonmypussyandthensitsupinhischair.HetakesmyhandinhisandgentlyhelpsmeupsoI’msittinginfrontofhim.Headjustsmyrobeovermylegsandsays,“Letthatconsumeyoutonight,andnothingelse.”
Withthat,hestandsfromthetableandattemptstosteptotheside,asifhe’sleaving.Igrabhishandquicklyandask,“Whereareyougoing?”
“Ihadmydinner.”Hisalluringeyespinme.“Nowit’stimeforbed.”
Eyestrainedonmine,hebringsmyhandtohismouth,placesasoftkissonmyknuckles,andthenbreaksourconnectionashebacksaway.Beforeheturnsandretreatsfromthediningroom,Ispyhisharderection,pressingandachingagainstthezipperofhisdresspants.
God,he’ssohot,sotempting.
Iwanthisdickinmymouth.
That’smyinitialthought,andthenthedesiretohavehiminmymouthgrowsimmenselylargerwitheverybreathItake.ShouldIchaseafterhim?WhatwouldIdoifIdid?Hell,IthinkweallknowwhatIwoulddo.Pullhispantsdownandsuckhimoff.I’drevelintheactofhavinghisheavycockinmymouth.
ButifIknowonethingaboutHuxley,it’sifhewantedhiscockinmymouth,hewould’veaskedforit.That’sthetypeofmanheis.
Andfromhisquickretreat?Hedoesn’twantitfromme.
Yet.ChapterFifteen
HUXLEY
Icanstilltasteheronmytongue.
Icanstillfeelthebeatofherclitpulsingwithpleasure.
Icanstillhearhercriesofecstasyasshecameallovermyface.
And,fuck,Ican’tthinkofanythingelse.
ThisisexactlywhyIdidn’twanttogetinvolved.WhyIknewcrossingthatlinewithherwouldbeabadidea,becauseshe’stooconsuming.Becauseshe’sthetypeofwomanyoudon’thaveonetasteofandsaytakecare.
No,sheleavesalastingimpression.Animprint.Shedoesn’tfadeaway.
Ifindmyselfcheckingtheclock,seeingwhattimeitis,countingdownthegoddamnminutesuntilshetextsmeaquestion,waitingdesperatelytoseehertodayforthemeetingwithhersister.
Andallittookwasonegoddamntaste.NowI’mafuckingmess.
Iwanther.
Ididn’tseeherthismorning.Isnuckoutearlywithmygymbag,cametotheoffice,gotaworkoutin,andshoweredhere,tooworriedthatifIdidseeher,I’dburymyselfbetweenherlegsagain,searchingouthersweettaste,wantingtohearhercryoutmynameagain.
Fuck.
Whatiswrongwithme?
Inevershouldhavecrossedthatline.Inevershouldhaveevenconsideredheranoption,andthebigreasonwhyisbecauseIthinkI’mdevelopingfeelingsforthegirl,andIknowthosefeelingsmostlikelyarenotreturned.
Yeah,she’sgettingtoknowme,thoughnotbecauseshelikesme—fuck,Isoundlikeateenager—butshe’sgettingtoknowmesoshe’snotdoingbusinesswithsomejerk-offwhodoesn’tknowhowtoactaroundwomen.
Andifshewasreallyintome,she’dhavefollowedmeupstairslastnight.Ididn’texpecthertoandI’dneverexpectawomantoreturnthefavor,butifshehadanydrawtowardme,she’dhavebeenatmybedroomdoor,atleastlisteningasIcameallovermystomach,myhandpumpinglikeagoddamnworkhorsewhilemymindfocusedonthesoundsandtasteofherorgasm.
Butshedidn’t,andIneedtobeconsciousofthat.IneedtorememberexactlywhatI’mdoing.Tryingtosecureadeal.
Iturnmyattentiontomycomputerjustasmyphonebeepswithatextmessage.Isqueezemyeyesshut,attemptingtohavesomeself-control,butIfailmiserablyasIreachformyphoneandopenupthetextfromLottie.
Lottie:What’sforlunchtoday?
Ileanbackinmyofficechairandtextherback.
Huxley:Isthatoneofyourquestions?
Lottie:Consideritafreebie.Inquiringmindsarecurious.
Huxley:Notsure.Probablynothing.Gettingalotofworkdone.
Shedoesn’tneedtoknowthatwhatIreallywantforlunchishergoddamnpussy,andifshewerehererightnow,I’dbefeastingonherbeforeshecouldeventakehernextbreath.
Lottie:Howcanyounoteatlunch?Ihadadonutanhourago,ahugebreakfastburritoforbreakfast,andI’mstarving,readytognawmyarmoff.Andyouskippedoutondinner.
Huxley:Irecallitdifferently.Ihadmyfillofdinner.
Fuck,Ican’thelpmyself.Ican’tstopmyselffromremindingherofhowImakeherfeel,hell,howshemakesmefeel.
Satisfied.
Lottie:Question—haveyoualwaysbeenthisdirty?
Huxley:Whenyouknowwhatyouwant,yougoafterit.There’snothingdirtyinvolved,justthetruth.
Lottie:Well,thatwasascapegoatanswerthatworkedreallywellforyou.Nowaskmeaquestion.DistractmewhileKelseyfetchesuslunch.
Huxley:Doyoufeelasthoughyouknowmealittlebetter?
Lottie:Ido,butI’mnotsureIwould’vewithoutthesequestions.I’mgladyou’vebeenopentothem.
Huxley:Yourturn.
Lottie:That’sallyou’regoingtosayonthematter?
Huxley:Yes.
Lottie:Okay,IseethatI’mgettingtheclosed-offHuxleytoday,that’sfine.Hmm,question—whenwasthelasttimeyouhadsex,andwithwho?
Huxley:That’stwoquestions.
Lottie:It’satwo-parter,linkedtogether.Itpasses.
Huxley:Whydoyouwanttoknow?
Lottie:Isthatyourquestion?
Huxley:Consideritlinkedaswell.
Lottie:JustinterestedinwhatyourlifewaslikebeforeIrolledin.
Huxley:LasttimeIhadsex,probablythreemonthsago,withagirlI’veknownforafewyears.Occasionallywegettogetherjustforthehellofit,nostringsattached.Don’thavetimeforanythingelse.
Lottie:Abootycall.Iwouldn’thaveexpectedanythingless.Butthreemonthsseemslikealongtime.Iwould’vethoughtonceaweekforyou.
Huxley:Notime.Plus,Itoldyou,whenwe’reincontract,Idon’tseekoutanyoneelsebutyou.
Lottie:Idon’tknowhowtorespondtothat.
Huxley:Noneed.MylastquestionbeforeIgo—areyounervousaboutthepitchtoday?
Lottie:Honestly?
Huxley:Always.
Lottie:Iam.I’mnervousbecausewe’vebeenworkinghardonthis.Iknowweofferagreatservice,Iknowalotisridingonthis,andIknowyou’renotgoingtojustgiveussomethingforthehellofit,you’regoingtomakeusearnit.
Huxley:That’scorrect.
Lottie:Thismeansalottous.Eventheopportunitytopitchmeansalot.We’vebeenpracticing,makingsureeverythingisperfect,andwhenthetimecomes,Ireallyhopewecanshowyouhowbeneficialwe’dbeforCaneEnterprises.
Ialreadyknowthey’reperfectforthejob.I’vedonemyresearchonKelsey,butI’mgoingtomakethempitchanyway,becauseI’mnottheonlyonewhomakesthedecisions.BreakerandJPhavetobeayesaswell.Moreso,thisisgoodpracticeforKelseyandanexcellentboostinconfidenceforLottie.Sheneedstofindhernicheinbusiness,givenit’swhatshe’sstudied.Iseethepotentialinher.Sheneedstoproveittoherselfmorethantome.
Huxley:Welookforwardtoyourpresentation.We’llseeyouthen.
Isetdownmyphoneandturnbacktomycomputer.Ilookthroughmyemails,butthelettersbecomealljumbledandmashedtogether.Nothingmakessense.
Mymindisunfocused.
BecauseeventhoughIdon’twanttoadmitit,theonlythingIcanthinkaboutisthis:willIbeabletogodownonLottieagainand…when?
***
“Theyshouldbehereanyminute,right?”JPasks,adjustinghissuit.
“Yes,”Isay.Icanseeoneoftheelevatorsclimbingtowardourfloor.Thathastobethem.
“Doweknowifthesisterissingle?”JPasks.“She’sreallyhot.”
“Noidea,butifwesignacontractwithher,itwouldn’tbeagoodideatopursueher,”Isay.
“Uh,saystheguywhoateoutLottieonthediningroomtablelastnight.”
“What?”Breakerleansin.“WhythehelldidInotknowaboutthat?”
“Iconnedhimintotellingme,”JPsays.“Icouldtellhewasinagoodmoodwhenhecameinthismorning,soIneedledhimuntilhetoldme.”
“Dude,whatthehellareyoudoing?”Breakerasks.
“Nottheplaceortime,”IsaytoBreakerastheelevatordingswiththeirarrival.IsetmyshouldersbackandpreparetolaymyeyesonLottieandwhateverdressshechosetoweartoday.
Butwhentheelevatordoorsopen,itisn’tLottieandKelseyIsee,butratherDave.
“Wow,whatagreeting,”Davesaysashestepsofftheelevator,takingusallin.“Iwasn’texpectingtoseeallthreeoftheCanebrotherswaitingontheothersideoftheelevator.”
What’shedoinghere?
Betteryet,whereareLottieandKelsey—
Theelevatoronthefarleftdingsandthedoorsslideopen,revealingKelseyandLottie,bothwithfemininebriefcasesinhand.Kelseyiswearingadeeppurpledressthatshapestohertorsoandflareseversoslightlyatthehips,whileLottie—hell,isshetryingtodistractme?She’swearinganavy-bluedressthathitshermidthigh,fitslikeaglove,andcutsjustlowenoughonherchesttomakemewanttoripthedressrightoffherwithmybarehands.Andthenthoseheels.
Myteethwanderovermybottomlipasmyeyesstayfixedonher.Onher…confusedface.
“Wouldyoulookatthat?Lottie,hownicetoseeyou,”Davesays,pullingmeoutofmydaze.“Youlookfantastic.”
Shit,shouldshebeshowing?
Hopefullynot.
IhadnoideaDavewasgoingtocometotheoffice.Ithoughthecouldn’tworkanythingintohisscheduleandthat’swhyweneverheardfromhim.IguessIwaswrong.
“Thankyou,”Lottiesays.“Nicetie,Dave.”Smoothly,shewalkstowardme,andIwatchhereverystepinthoseheelsasshemarchesrightuptome,placesherhandonthebackofmyneckandsays,“Hey,handsome.”Then,beforeIcancatchmybreath,she’sbringingmymouthtowardher.Itfeelslikehoursassheclosesthespacebetweenus,butwhenherlipsmeetmine,somethingpossessiverunsdeepthroughmyveins.
Life.
Herlipsonminearegivingmelife.
MyhandsnagsaroundherbackandIpullherinclosetoanchorheragainstme.Herotherhandholdinghermodernbriefcasefallstomychestasshesteadiesherself.Mylipsgetlostinhers.
Thefactthatwe’reintheofficefadestoblack.
Thepeeringeyesarenon-existent.
Andthemeetingwehaveplannedgoesontheback-burnerasItasteLottie’slipsforthefirsttime.
Smooth.
Interested.
Passionate
Iknew,justfromthewayshegetslostinmytouch,thatshe’dbeagoodkisser,butthisreaction,thispressofherbodyagainstmine,fuck…it’ssomuchbetterthanIeverexpected.
Whenshefinallypullsawayandlooksupatmewithsearchingeyes,sheslowlyswallowsandsays,“Hey,you.”
Ipinchherchinwithmyforefingerandthumb.“Hey.”WhenIfinallylookawayfromher,IcatchKelsey’slookoftotaldisbelief,followedbyDave’sexcitedresponse.
“Iloveyoutwotogether,”Davesays,asifhe’sknownusforyearsandfinallygotustohookup.Themaniskindofweird,I’vegrowntofindoutaswe’vespentmoretimewithhim.Heclapshishandstogether.“I’msorrytointerrupt,though.Huxley,areyoureadyforourmeeting?”
“Meeting?”Lottieasksquietly.Iglanceather.There’saconfusedlookinhereyesandIknowhowthismightseem.
LikeonceagainI’mskippingoutonherandhersister.
“Iwasn’tawareyousetupameetingwithDaveaswell,”Lottiesaysandthere’sdefeatinhershoulders.SheknowshowhardI’vebeentryingtogetDavetotalktomeabouttheproperties.
“Wedidn’t,”Davesays.“Iwashopingtosneakinbeforetheweekend.YouknowhowIdon’tliketotalkbusinessafterhours.”
Didn’tknowthat,butnowIdo.
“Oh.”Lottiepatsmeonthechest.“ThenIwon’tkeepyouwaiting,Dave.”Lottiestepsaway.IseetheprotestonKelsey’slipsasLottieslowlyshakesherheadandmoveshersistertowardtheelevator.“Itwasgreatseeingyou,Dave.”Shegiveshimagentlewaveandpressesthedownbuttonontheelevator.Thedoorsopenrightaway.
But,beforetheycanstepon,Isay,“Lottie,Kelsey,meetusintheboardroom.We’llberightwithyou.”
ThelookofsurpriseonLottie’sfacegivesmealltheconfirmationIneed.Ijustdidtherightfuckingthing.
“Huxley?”
“We’llberightthere.Gosetup.”IletherknowwithmyeyesthatImeanbusiness.
Withoutarguing,sheleadsKelseyintotheconferenceroom,butIcanfeelhereyesonmetheentiretime.
IturntoDaveandsay,“Man,youknowI’dlovetohavethisconversationwithyoumorethananything,butIpromisedKelseyandLottieI’dlistentotheirpitch.”
“Pitch?”Daveasks.“Youmakeyourfiancéepitchtoyou?”
Ismirk.“Shewouldn’thaveitanyotherway.”
“Pardonmyintrusion,butcanIaskwhatthey’repitching?”
Istickmyhandsinmysuitpocketsandsay,“Theyownanorganizationalbusinessthatfocusesonusingsustainableandearth-friendlyorganizingproducts.We’rethinkingofhavingthemgothroughourproperties,especiallythisoffice,tomakeourspacesmoreefficient.”
“Wow.”Daveblinksafewtimesandglancestowardtheconferenceroom.“IhadnoideaLottiewasahustler.”Heslowlynods.“Withallthemoneyyouhave,shedoesn’twanttojustsitaroundandenjoyit,shewantstomakesomethingofherself.Irespectthat,alot.”Hekeepshiseyesonherandaspikeofjealousy…possession…pulsesthroughme.
“I’maluckyman.It’sreallysexyseeingherworkashardasshedoes.”
“Icanimagine.”Daverocksonhisheelsandsays,“Well,howaboutIsetupatimewithKarlatospeaksowedon’thavearun-inlikethisagain?”
“Great,andI’msorryabouttoday.”
Davewavesmeoff.“Itactuallymakesmerespectyouevenmore,stickingtoyourpriorcommitments,realizingwhensomethingisimportant.”Davenods.“You’reagoodman,HuxleyCane.”
Hell,ifheonlyknew.
IturntoBreakerandask,“CanyouhelpDavefindKarlatosetupthatmeeting?”
“Itwouldbemypleasure,”BreakersaysasheguidesDavetothebackoftheoffice.Whenthey’reoutofearshot,JPturnstowardme,mimickingmystance.
“You’refucked.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”Iask.“Davesaidherespectedmemore.”
JPshakeshishead.“Nah,man,notwithDave.You’rejustfucked,becausethatgirlinthere,theoneinthebluedress—yeah,shehasyoubytheballs.TheHuxleyIknowneverwould’vepassedupontheopportunitytomeetwiththeguyhe’stryingtostrikeadealwith.Asamatteroffact,he’ddropprettymuchanythingtomakeithappen.”Heglancesbehindhim.“Whoknewagirlinabluedresswouldbeyourkryptonite?”
“Imadeapromisetoher,”Isay,myjawclenchedtight.“I’mnotabouttowalkbackonthatpromise.”
JPpatsmeontheshoulder.“Keeptellingyourselfthat,man.”
Heheadstowardtheconferenceroom,andwhenheopensthedoor,bothgirlslookup,butLottiedoesn’tsayanythingtoJP.Hereyesstraytominethroughtheglasswindows.Thereitis,plainasday—she’sgrateful.
Thesurgeofpridethatpummelsmeinthechestfromthatonesimplelookisscary.
Terrifying.
***
Exhausted,Iflopontomylargebedandletoutadeepsigh.Fromthelackofsleepthisweektothetension-filledmomentsI’vesharedwithLottie,I’veneverfeltmoretiredinmyentirelife.
WhenIgothome,IsatatthekitchenislandandscarfeddownthesandwichReignmadeforme,andthenIspentagoodtenminutesintheshower,washingtheweekaway,thenslippedintoapairofboxerbriefsandlayontopofmybed.
LottieandKelseydeliveredtoday.Theredidn’tseemtobeanounceofnerveswhentheywerepresenting.Theywereconfident,knowledgeable,andwhenwedrilledthemwithquestions,theyhadananswerforeverysingleoneofthem.Butnotjustanswers,answersthatwerewell-thought-outandinformative.
Therewasnoquestion.Aftertheyfinished,Ilookedattheboys,theygavemethenod,andwetoldthemtheywerehired.We’dstartwiththemainofficeandthenworkourwayoutfromthere.It’sahugecontractforthem.Acontractthat’sgoingtoputthematthenextlevel.
Theyheldtheircomposureastheypackeduptheirthingsandthankedus,butafterweleft,LottiesentmeatextmessagefullofemojisandsaidsheandKelseyweregoingtocelebrate.Sheaskedifitwasokayifshemisseddinner.
Asifsheneedstoaskmypermission.Itoldhertohavefun.
Whichleavesmehere,alone,inmybedroom,contemplatingmydecisions.
Knock.Knock.
Myeyesglanceovertothedoor.
Isituponmybed,handsgrippingtheedgeasIsay,“It’sopen.”
ThedoorcracksandLottiepokesherheadinside.“CanIcomein?”
“Yes,”Ianswerasmyeyesdragoverherbodyinthatdress.WhatIwouldn’tgivetopeelitoffherbodyrightnowandcelebratehervictorywithher,theonlywayIknowhow—byworshippingherbody.
“Hey.”Shewavesshyly.
“Hey,”IsayasIwetmylips.Lottielookslikeajuicypieceofmeat,standingthereinfrontofme,waitingtobedevoured.
“IjustthoughtI’dstopbybeforeIwenttotakeabath.Iwantedtopersonallythankyouagain.”
“Noneedtothankme,Lottie.YouandKelseyputononehellofapresentation.Itwasaneasyyesforallofus.”
Sheshakesherhead.“No,Imean,thankyouforthesacrificeyoumade.Youdidn’thavetodothat.”
“Dowhat?”Iask,confused.
Herheadtiltstotheside.“Huxley,Iknowyou’vebeenwaitingtotalktoDaveaboutbusinessforawhilenow,butwhentheopportunitypresenteditself,youdidn’tbackdownonyourpromisetous.”
“Itoldyou,Icanbeanhonestman.Davecouldwait.”
“Well,IknowwhatasacrificeitwasandI’mreallygrateful.”
“You’rewelcome,”Isaysimply.Andwhenshedoesn’tleave,Iask,“Didyouhavefunwithyoursister?You’rehomesoonerthanIthought.”
“Wewentforcelebratorydrinks.Someguysboughtusafewdrinks.”Myjealousiesrise,myangertakingroot.“Kelseywasvibingwithoneofthem,andtheotherguywastryingtogetmynumber.”
Myjawtenses,myfingersgripthesideofthemattresstightly.
“ButItoldhimIwasengaged.”Lottiesmirksandholdsupherhand,showingoffherring.“Whenhesawthesizeofthediamond,heknewtherewasnocompetition.”
Damnfuckingright.
“Hedoesn’tneedtoseethesizeoftheringtorealizethere’snocompetition.EspeciallywhenI’mthemanwhogaveyouthering.”
Shefoldsherarmsoverherchest.“AmIsensingahintofjealousy,Huxley?”
“Notjealousy,justprotectingwhat’smine.”
“I’myoursnow?”
“Untilwe’vefulfilledourdutiesspelledoutinthecontract,”Isay,myfingersitchingtoletgoofthismattressandburythemselvesinLottie’slong,darklocks.
“Well,youhavenothingtoworryabout,myloyaltylieswithyou.”Shewalkstowardme,thosemile-highheelsofhersclickingacrossthefloor.Myeyesfixonhertonedlegs,andwhenshestopsinfrontofme,herchestrestsjustateyelevel.Andthenshesquatstoherknees,rightbetweenmylegs.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Iask,mybodyeruptinginexcitementfromherposition.
Herhandsfalltomythighs.“Thankingyou.”
Herhandsslideuptomyalreadystiffcock,butIstopherbeforeshecantouchanything.“Idon’tneedyourthanks.Itoldyou,youearnedeverythingyougottoday.Ithasnothingtodowithoursituationandeverythingtodowithyourideasandmerit.”
Hereyesmatchuptomine.“Doyounotwantmetosuckyouoff?”
“Notlikethis,”Isay,offended.“Notwiththethoughtinyourmindthatyou’rethankingmeforhiringyou.Idon’twantyourmouthlikethat.”
Imovemyhandtohercheekandcaressherlipswithmythumb.Sheopenshermouth,capturingmythumb,andshesucksonit,hard.Hercheekshollowout,andfuck,whatIwouldn’tgivetohavemydickreplacemythumb.
Butnotlikethis.
Notwhenthere’sthepossibilitythatshethinksshe’srepayingme.
Nofuckingway.
Whenshereleasesmythumb,shesmoothsherhandsupmythighsandstands.ShepushesatmychestuntilI’mlyingdownandthencrawlsontopofme,herlegsspread,herheatedwarmthconnectingrightwithmyachingcock.
I’dlovetofuckthiswoman,topeelheroutofthisdressandshowherthekindofloverIam.
AndIdon’twanttofuckherjustbecauseshe’sbeautiful,orbecausehersmartmouthturnsmeon,butbecauseIsawasideofherIhaven’tseenbefore.Aprofessionalside,asparkofexcitementforhergoals,forherachievements.Itwasreallyfuckingsexy.It’smakingmeseeherinacompletelydifferentlight,whichissogoddamndangerous,becauseI’malreadystickingmytoesoverthelinehere.I’malreadycrossingintodamagingterritory.
“Lottie,whatareyoudoing?”
Herhipsrubagainstmycockandshesmiles.“You’rehard.”
“What’syourpoint?”
Herfacefallsandherhandbracesonmychest.“Whyareyouangry?”
“I’mnotangry.”
“You’repullingaway.Iknowwhenyou’reshuttingdownandthat’swhatyou’redoingrightnow.You’reshuttingdown.Why,Huxley?”
“You’vealreadyaskedyourquestionsfortoday.”
Sheshakesherhead.“Notmydinnerquestions.”
“Youdidn’thavedinnerwithmetonight,soyouforfeitedthatright.”
Growingangry,sheliftsoffme,andIsitupassherightsherdress.“JustwhenIthinkyoumightnotbeanassholeanymore,youprovemewrong.You’rethemostinfuriatingmanI’veevermet.”
Yeah,I’mprettyfuckingannoyedwithmyselfaswell.ButwhenIremainsilent,shehuffsandturnstowardthedoor.
Beforeexitingmyroom,shesays,“I’mmeetingupwithEllieonTuesdayattentolookatbreastpumps.ThoughtI’dletyouknow.I’mstillkeepingupmyend.”
“Itoldyou,youdon’thavetodothat.”
“Apparentlyit’stheleastIcando,”shesayswithsuchvenomthatIgrowirritated.
“Youowemenothing,Itoldyouthat,”Isayasshereachesforthehandleofmydoor.
“Consideritpartofthecontract.”Shegoestoleavebutthenpauses.Shelooksoverhershoulder,herpetiteframetense,causinghermovementstobejagged.Exhalingdeeply,shelowersherheadandbarelyaboveawhisper,sheasks,“Couldyouatleastdomeafavorandunzipmydressforme?”
“Youcan’treachit?”
Sheshakesherhead.“No,Kelseyhelpedmeearlier.”
Istandfrommybedandclosethedistancebetweenus,mycockhardinmybriefsasIapproach.Whenonlyafewinchesseparateus,Iswipemyhandacrossherlonghairandswoopitoverhershoulder,exposingherback.Ireachuptothesmallzipperandslowlypullitdownherback,painfullyrevealingthatshe’snotwearingabra.WhenIreachtheendofthezipper,Ikeepmyeyesfixedonherbackasshepushesthedressdownuntilitpoolsatherfeet,revealingherbrightwhitelacethongandherround,perkyass.
Fuck.
Me.
Armclaspedoverherbreasts,sheturnstowardmeanddropstoasquattopickupherdress.Asshestandsbackup,hershouldergrazesmycockandInearlyjumprightoutofmybriefsfromthetouch.Hereyesmeetmineandsheblinksthoselonglashesbeforeshesaysseductively,“Thankyou.”
Iwetmylips.
Myhandsitchtoreachoutandgrabher.
Mycockbegsforrelief.
ButIdon’tmove.Idon’tevenflinch.
Withadisappointedlookinhereyes,sheheadsoutofmybedroombutdoesn’tshutthedoor.Shecrossesintoherbedroomandleavesherdooropenaswellasshedropsthedressonherbedandsashaystothebathroom.
Fuck.Anopendoor.That’saninvitation.
She’stemptingme,notgivingupinherpursuit.Forthelifeofme,Idon’tthinkIcanholdback.
Notafterseeingherperfectass.
Notafterundressingher.
Notafterthatkisswesharedearlier.
Notafterseeingheronherknees,cheekshollowed.
Notafterknowingshewantedmycockinhermouth.
Mywillhascracked,mystrengthiswavering,andallmyrulesarejumbledinmyhead,notasingleonemakingsense.
Iheartheshowerturnoninherbathroom.Hell.MycockgrowsevenharderasIstandstill,staringintotheotherroom,pleadingwithmyselftomakeamove,buttoalsokeepitthefucktogether.
Butthen…shewalksacrossthebedroom…completelynaked.
Tits,theperfecthandful.
Hips,justenoughtograbonto.
Pussy,waxedandsogoddamntempting.Onetastewasnotenough.
Mother.
Fucker.
Shelooksoveratme,flipsherhairoverhershoulder,andthengoestohernightstand.Sheopensadrawerandpullsoutherdildowiththesuctioncupattheend.Turningtowardme,sheoffersafull-frontalview,andmymouthgoesdryasmyeyestakeinhertightnipples,hardandcravingmymouth.Awareofmystaring,Lottietakestheendofthedildoandrubsitacrossherchest,allowingherheadtofallbackasshebringsituptohermouth.
Hertonguepeeksout…
Andshelicksthegoddamntop.
I’mfuckinggone.
Mycockjoltsinmybriefs.
Sweatbreaksoutonmylowerback.
Andjustlikethat,mywillpowersnaps.
Satisfiedwithherself,shemovestowardherbathroom,dildoinhand,withmecrossingthebarrierbetweenourroomsandfollowingherinside.
ThemomentIstepintoherbathroom,sheshutsthedoortotheshower,andIcatchherwateringdownthedildobeforeshesuctionsittothewall.Ibuiltthishousetoincludetwo-personshowersineverybathroom,sothere’splentyofroominthere.EspeciallyifIwantedtojoinher.Shestepsaway
andwetsherselfdownintheshoweraswell,butinsteadofjustlettingthewatersoakher,sheputsonashow.
Seductively,withpurpose,herhandscascadedownherbreasts,whereshepausesandpincheshernipples.Alowmoanfallspastherlipsasherhandscontinuetomovesouth.Waterrunsdownherchest,offthetipsofhernipples,andallthewaydownherflatstomach,tohersmoothpussy.
Mymouthwaters.
Myhandsitchtotouchher.Feelher.
Mybodyachestobeinthatshowerwithher.
Onceshe’sdousedinwater,sheturnsherbacktowardthedildoandthenbendsatthewaist,anglingherselfjustenoughto…oh…fuck.
Myteethbiteintomybottomlipassheslowlybacksupontothedildo,insertingitintohertighthole.
“Yesss,”shemoanssoftlyasshepullsherwethairtooneside.
Intentlyfixatedonwhatshe’sdoing,Iwatchherpelvismovearoundinsoftcircles.
Fuck,mycockgrowssotightthatit’spainful.IsworeIwouldn’tmasturbateinfrontofher,thatifIweretocome,I’dcomeinsideofher.
Butseeingherlikethis,wantingsobadlytotouchhergoddamnnipplesandsuckthemintomymouth…itdrivesmecrazy.
Itmakesmesnap.
ItcausesmetowanttogoagainsteverythingI’vesaid.
“God,Huxley,”shesaysinsuchasatisfiedtonethatmyearsperkupfromtheuseofmyname.“Yes,Hux,”shesays,pumpingalittleharder.“Sogood.Feels…so…good.”
Mycockjumps.
Mybodytenses.
Myarmstrembleatmysidesasoneofherhandssnakesbetweenherlegsandshebeginstomassageherclit.
“Yes,rightthere.Rightthere,Hux.God,Iloveyourhands.Ilovehowtheymakemefeel.”
Fuck.
Hereyesslideopenandherheadtiltstothesideashergazeconnectswithmine.
Heady.
Lustful.
Passionate.
“Mmmm,yes,”shemoans,hereyesneverleavingmine.
Itakeastepforward,myneedpossessingme.
“Yourtongue.Ilovecomingonyourmouth.”Shesticksherfingerpastherlipsandsucks.“Iloveitwhenyoutasteme.Lickme.Suckme.”Herotherhandgoestoherbreast,whereshepincheshernipplehard.“You’resogoodatmakingmecome,unlikeanymanI’veeverbeenwith,”shegroans.
Herhipspulseinandout.
Thefingeronceinhermouthdragsdownherchest.
Fuckinghell…
Anothertwostepsforward.
“Ahh,ahhh,yes.OhGod,you’resohuge.Iknewyouwouldbe,IknewyourcockwouldbejustwhatIneeded.”
Herheadfallsforward.
Herhipspulsefaster.
Herfingerspinchhernipples,pullingahisspastherlips.
Motherfucker.
Iwantthattobeme.
Ineedthattobeme.
Thelastthreadofresistancesnaps,andbeforeIcanstopmyself,Istripoutofmybriefsandthrowthedoortotheshoweropen.ThewaterpeltsmeinthebackasLottiesmilesupatmerightbeforeherhandreachesoutandgrabsmycock,whichisstandingatattention.
“JustwhatIwantedfordessert,”shesaysbeforetakingmycockintohermouth.
Fuck
IreachforherhairandgatherittoonesidesoIcanwatchashermouthdescendsovermythickcock.Herplumplipssuckmeinandherhandstrokesmeatthebaseofmycock.Butit’shermouththat’smakingmedrivemyhipsforward,beggingformore.
Hot.
Wet.
Perfection.
Shetakesmedeepinherthroat.MyeyesrolltothebackofmyheadandImoveclosersoshecankeeppleasuringherselfaswell.
JustasIthought—allowinghertotouchme,suckme—it’severythingIdreamedof.Sofuckinggood.Imovemyhandoverhercheekandstrokehersoftskinwithmythumb.“Takemycock,deep,intothatdirtymouth.”Shesucksmeharder.“Justlikethat.Fuck,yes,Lottie.”MyhandgoestothebackofherheadandIhelpherkeeppace,movingherovermyerectionagainandagain,buildingthepleasuredeepwithinme.
“OhGod,”shemumblesagainstmycockassheswivelsherhipsagainstthedildo.
Can’tsayIparticularlylikehergettingoffwithsomethingotherthanmyhandormouth,butitishothavingherfuckherselfwhileshefucksmewithhermouth.I’llallowitthistime.Butit’smynameshe’sbeensaying.Myhandsshe’simaginingonherbody.Mytongueonherclitandpussy.
Hermouthdragstothetipofmycockandherhandsreachformyballs,whichshegentlyrollsbetweenherfingers.Ispreadmylegssoshehasbetteraccess,becauseIwanttobeplayedwith.Iwanthertobeabletodowhateverthefuckshewantstome.Andshedoes.Shesmoothsherpalmovermyballsandplayswithmytip,suckingjusttheend,licking,flicking.
Fuckingteasing.
AndIloveit.
Ilovethebuildup.
Thewayshefocusesononeparticularareaandthentakesapartofmeinhermouthagain,pressingmetothebackofherthroat…
“Fuck,”Imutterwhenmycockjoltsagainstherlusciouslips.
“Iloveyourcock,”shesayswhensheremovesmefromhermouthandlicksmylength.“It’ssobig,Huxley.Sothick.”Hertongueflickstheundersideofthehead,teasingthatsensitivepart,andIswearIgrowanotherinchfromhowshe’sholdingmyballs,gently,andImeangently,tuggingonthem.It’sjustenoughtodrivemecrazy,tosendachillofpleasureupmyspine.
“Iwanttocomeinyourmouth,”IsayasIgripthebaseofmycock,butsheswatsmyhandaway.
“Thisismine,youdon’ttouchit.”
Mybrowraisesfromherdemand,andifIwasn’tsodesperateforhertofinishmeoff,I’dtellherexactlywhatishers,butIneedherperfectmouthallovermycock.AndIneeditnow.
“Thenfuckmewithyourmouth,”Isaythroughclenchedteeth.
Shestopspulsingonherdildoand,instead,focusesonmycock,takingmedeepinherthroat.
Shesucks.
Shegags.
SherepeatstheprocessuntilIcan’tfeelanythingbuthersweetmouth.
Igripthesideoftheshowerwallaspleasureripsupmylegsandpoolsatthebaseofmycock.
“Fuck,I’mgoingtocome.”Ibrushmyhandoverhercheek.“Takeeverylastdrop.”
Hereyesturnhazyand,inthatmoment,shefinishesmeoff,pumping,sucking,givingmethebestheadofmyentirelife.Myballstighten,mycockswells,andIexplodewitharoarthateruptsfrommychestasIcomeinhermouth.
Andshetakesitall.
Everylastdrop,likeIsaid,untilI’mcompletelyspentandtryingtocatchmybreath.
Shereleasesmeandsmirksupatme.
Ittakesmethreesecondstograbholdofher,fliptheshoweroff,andthenlayheracrossthebuilt-inbench.Ispreadherlegs,getdownonmyknees,andpressmymouthtoherpussy.
“Yesss,”shedrawsoutasherhandfallstomyhair.ShegripsthestrandstightlyandmoansasIlapupheralreadyarousedpussy.
She’ssoclose.Herlegssqueezeatmyshoulders,thetrembleinherhands,whichlooselygripmyhair.
“Iwon’tevergetoverhowyoutaste,”Isaywhiletakinglong,lappingstrokesandinsertingtwofingersinsideofher.“Icouldeatyouallgoddamnday.”Strokeafterstroke,thetensioninhercoregrowstighterandtighteruntilherfingersdigdeepintomyscalpandherhipsshift.
“Huxley,I’mgoing…ohfuck,I’mcoming,”sheshoutsasIholdherpelvisdown,makingitimpossibleforhertomoveasIeatherout,pleasureherhowIwanthertobepleasured.
Shemoans,hervoiceechoingoffthetile.
SheyellsmynamewhenIdon’tletup,takingeverylastounceofherorgasmfromher.
Andwhensheslowlyrelaxes,Igiveherafewmorestrokesbeforepullingawayslightly,onlytogiveherakissonherpussy.
WhenIstand,shelooksupatme,hereyesshowingdisbelief.Herhandshakilymovesupherbody,toherneck.Shesearchesmeasshecatchesherbreath,andI’mnotsurewhat’sonhermind,whatshemightsay,soIdecidetobeathertoit.
“Haveagoodnight,”Isay,beforesteppingoutoftheshower.Ihavetocutitoffhere.Ihavetogetthefuckaway,orelseIcanseemyselftakingherbacktoherbedandfuckingherthroughthenightuntilshecan’ttakemycockanymore.
Regretforleavingherpulsesthroughme,butIpushpastitandgraboneofhersparetowels,wrapitaroundmywaist,andheadtowardmybedroom,shuttingthedoorbehindme.
Dazed,confused,andunsureofwhatcameoverme,Ientermybathroom,whereIflipontheshowerandrestunderthehotwater,tryingtogathermyself.
WhattheactualfuckamIdoing?
I’mblurringlinesalloverthegoddamnplace,andnowthatI’vehadhermouthonme,Idon’tthinkI’lleverbethesame.Notafterseeinghertakemesodeep,afterthewayshedrankeverylastdropofmycome.
Iwon’tbeabletogetthatimageoutofmyhead.Notforaverylongtime.
AndasIstepoutoftheshowertodryoff,allIcanthinkaboutishowIwanttogobackacrossthehallwayandexploreLottie’sbody.HowIwanttothankherforputtingupwithmyshit.ForopeningmeupwhenIdon’treallywanttobeopenedup.
Istareatmyselfinthemirrorandslowlydragmyhandovermyscruff,thesamescruffthatmarkedLottieonherinnerthighsasmine.Whattheactualhellareyoudoing,man?
Andwhydoyoulook…happy?
HappyinamomentwhenIshouldn’tbehappy,becausechaosisswallowingmewhole.Thedeal,thelies,theblurredlines…it’sallupintheair—somethingIdon’tnormallyputupwith—buthereIam…dealingwithit.
Christ.
MyphonebeepsonmynightstandandIglanceoveratit,wonderingwhatthehelltimeitis.
Itakeaseatinmytowelonmybedandreadit.
Lottie:Yourmouthisabsolutelydecadent.Ilovecomingonyourtongue.
Fuck.
Isshetryingtogetmehardagain?
Huxley:Ican’tgetenoughofyourpussyoryourtremblingclit.
Idragmyhandovermymouth,willingmybodytonotgetexcitedagain.Oncetonightisenough.Crossingthelinemorethanthatisaskingfortrouble.
Lottie:I’veonlycomelikethatforyou.Nooneelse.Only.You.
Yup,she’stryingtogetmehardagain,she’stryingtoenticeme.Shewantsmore.Icanfeelitdeepinmybones.
Huxley:Areyounakedonyourbedrightnow?
Lottie:Howdidyouknow?
Huxley:You’retryingtogetmetocomebacktoyourbedroom.
Lottie:Iwantyourdickinsideofme,Huxley.Mylegsarespread,mynipplesarehard,mybodyisheatedjustthinkingaboutit.
MycockjoltsandIgrindmymolars,tryingtokeepittogether.
Huxley:I’mnotcomingbackoverthere.
EventhoughIwantto.FuckdoIwanttosinkmyselfbetweenherlegs.ButI’mgrowingaddicted,andthatneedstostop.Ihavenoideawhereherheadisat,ifthisisjustfunforherwhilewepassthetime,butIcanseethatitwouldbemoreforme,andI’mnotabouttoriskit.Iplacemyphonedown,thinkingthatLottiewon’trespondafterthatlasttext.Issheangry?Frustrated?Confused?EverythingIfeeltoo?
Lottie:Ifyouwon’tcomebackoverhere,thenwillyoureconsideransweringmytwoquestions?
Iletoutadeepsighandpushmyhandthroughmyhair.Shestillwantstoknowme…
ButIstillneedtokeepboundaries.
Huxley:Thosearedinnerquestionsonly.
Lottie:Please,Huxley?
Andjustlikethat,theconversationswitchesfromsexuallychargedtoinnocent.Icanhearhervoicesayingthosetwowords,askingme,beggingme,toparticipate.
Iapparentlyhavenowillpower,becauseInodeventhoughshecan’tseemeandtextherback.
Huxley:Whatareyourquestions?
Lottie:Thankyou.HowaboutIaskthetwoquestionsandwebothhavetoanswer?
Huxley:Fine.
Lottie:Yourenthusiasmisinfectious.
Huxley:You’reonborrowedtime…
Lottie:Okay,questionnumberone—whatwouldyousayisyourfavoritequalityaboutyourself?
Huxley:Notsurewhereyou’regoingwiththisbutIguessI’danswermydrive.
Lottie:Icouldseethat.
Huxley:What’syourfavoritethingaboutyourself?
Lottie:Myloyalty,eventhoughitgotmeintotroublewithAngela.Ithinkhavingloyaltyisveryimportant.AnotherreasonwhyI’mstickingtomywordandgoingbreast-pumpshoppingwithEllie.
Huxley:Beingloyalisaveryadmirablequality.
Lottie:Okay,secondquestion—whatdoyoulikemostaboutme?AndI’llanswerwhatIlikemostaboutyou.
Huxley:Fishingforcompliments?
Lottie:Sincewe’reworkingtogetherandyoutendtopullawayalot,Ithoughtitwouldbebeneficialifwesaywhatwelikeabouteachother.Asareminder.
Huxley:Okay.Ilikethatyou’reloyal.
Lottie:Noway,youcan’tusethethingIsaid.Comeon,Huxley,Iknowitmightbepainfulforyoutooffermeacompliment,butyoucanatleasttry.
MylipspressagainstmyteethinfrustrationasIflopbackonmybed.Okay,shewantstoknowwhatIlikeabouther,mightaswelltellher.
Huxley:You’refearless.Youmightnotmaketherightdecisionallthetime,butnomatterwhat,yougointothesituationwithoutfearandyoudon’tholdback.It’sacharacteristicyoudon’tfindwithmanypeople.Pairthatwithloyalty,anditmakesyousomeoneI’dspendtimewith.
Shedoesn’treplyrightawayandIworryifIoverstepped,ifIsaidtoomuch,butthenthere’saknockonthedoorframeofmydoor.IsitupandfindLottiestandingthereinoneofthemanylingeriesetsIhadpurchasedforher.
Thisoneisred.Theshortsareloose-fitting,madeentirelyoflaceandsee-through.Thetopiscroppedatthebellybuttonandoffersnosupport.Therefore,herbreastsjustfloatfreely.
Yup,she’seasilythesexiestwomanI’veeverseeninmyentirelife.
“What’sup?”Iask,feelinguncomfortablefrommyhonesttextandalso,onceagainturnedon.
“Wantedtoseeifwhatyousaidwasthetruth.”
“WhywouldIlietoyou?HaveIliedtoyouyet?”
“No,”shesays.“But…Idon’tknow,justfeltasifIneededtoseeyourface.”
“It’sthetruth.Youcancountonthatfromme.”
Shetoesthegroundasshestaresdownatthecarpet.“Thankyou.”
“Isthatall?”Iaskher.
“No.IneedtotellyouwhatIlikeaboutyou.”
Ishakemyheadandstandfrommybed.“Notnecessary.”
“Yourhelpingheart,”shesays,hereyesmeetingmine.“Youdon’tletpeopleseeit;youhideitawayfromthepubliceye.Butasaspectator,havingpaidcloseenoughattention,I’veseenit,andit’sbeautiful.”
Idon’ttakecomplimentswell.
Idon’treallycareforthem,actually.
So,listeningtoher,toherpraise,doesn’tsettlewell,andIdon’tunderstandhowtohandleit.
“Youdon’tneedtosayanything,”shesays,sensinghowuncomfortableIam.“ButIthoughtI’dletyouknow.”Sheoffersmeasoftsmile.“Goodnight,Huxley.”
Quietly,Isay,“Goodnight”asshewalksaway.
Mymindfeelsasthoughit’sbeeneclipsedbyaheavy,foggynight.Ican’tthinkstraight.Ican’tseemtoputtwothoughtstogetherastowhatthehellIshoulddo.HowthehelldoIreconcileLottie’sobservationofme…herfavoritethingaboutme?“Yourhelpingheart.Youdon’tletpeopleseeit;youhideitawayfromthepubliceye.Butasaspectator,havingpaidcloseenoughattention,I’veseenit,andit’sbeautiful.”Noonehasevertalkedtome—arguedwithme—thewayLottiedoes.Noonehasseenmethewaysheseesme.Sure,mybrothersknowmeforthepersonIam,butanyonewho’swalkedintomylifeseesHuxleyCane,thebillionaire,themogul.They’veneverseenmeasHuxley,themanwithaheart.BecauseIknowit’sfuckingthere.Ipridemyselfonbeingcompassionatewhenthemomentpresentsitself.Butnoonehaspickeduponit.
UntilLottie.
KnowingI’mintroublementally,Igobacktomynightstand,grabmyphone,andtextmybrothers.
Huxley:I’mfucked.
They’reimmediatewiththeirresponses.
JP:Letmeguess—yourealizedyoulikeyourfakefiancée?
Huxley:Ilikeher.Ishouldn’t,butIdo.
JP:Calledit.
Breaker:Everypersonwatchingthiscould’vecalledthat.
Huxley:Idon’tknowwhattofuckingdo.
JP:Whatanyotherpersonwoulddoiftheylikedsomeone.Askthemout.
Huxley:Askherout?Butwehaveabusinessagreement.AndIdon’tthinkshelikesmelikethat.
Breaker:Lookatourbigbrotherbeingallinsecure.It’scuteonhim.
JP:DareIsay,I’menjoyingthishumblingmoment?
Huxley:Don’tbeassholes.Ineedfuckinghelp.
JP:Youdon’tneedhelp.Youknowexactlywhattodo,you’rejusttooscaredtopullthetrigger.
Breaker:^^^Facts.
Huxley:It’scomplicated.WhataboutthedealwithDave?
JP:Idon’tthinkthat’sanythingyouneedtoworryaboutrightnow.I’dfocusonwhatyouwant,somethingyouwantthat’snotbusinessrelated.BreakerandIcanbothattesttothisandsay,youneedsomethinginyourlifeotherthanthiscompany.
Breaker:Youneedtolearntolive,man.You’renotliving.Youhaveallthismoneyandyoudonothingwithit.Nowyouhaveareasontodosomething.Takeherout.Dateher.Ifyoulikeher,goforit.
Huxley:Youdon’tthinkit’llfuckthingsupbetweenus?
JP:It’llonlymakeitbetter.
Breaker:He’sright.Whatcouldgowrong?Seriously.
Huxley:Famouslastwords.ChapterSixteen
LOTTIE
Istareupattheceilingofmybedroom,myminddriftingtolastnight.
WhatIwouldn’thavegiventohaveHuxleycometomyroomagain,totastehislipsonemoretime,tofeelhimdrivingbetweenmylegswithhismagnificentcock
Igroaninfrustrationandsitup,notbotheringtoadjustmyswimmingcover-upthatIputonbeforeIfloppedonmybed.IfHuxleyhadn’talreadyseenmenaked,I’dconsiderskippingthecover-up,becausetheswimsuitheprovidedmebarelycoversmynipples.
Thismorning,hewasoutonarunwhenIwentdowntothekitchenforbreakfast,atleast,that’swhatthenoteonthekitchenislandsaid.Itwasaplainnote,nothingspecialaboutit.Itjustsaid“onarun.”Hisstaffdoesn’tworkontheweekendsanymore,soIhadhishousetomyself.IgrabbedayogurtparfaitReignhadmadethedaybefore,devouredit,andthenworkedonourwebsiteforabitbeforespendingadecentamountoftimeputtingmyhairintoFrenchbraidsandthenpullingononeoftheprovidedswimsuits.Iwentwithasimpleblackone.
Ineedtogetsomesun.Clearmyhead.GetthehelloutofthisroomwhereI’mremindedofhowamazingitfelttohaveHuxley’sfiveo’clockshadowroughlyrubagainstmyinnerthighs.
Thesidesofthecover-upflapopenasIsnagmysunglassesfromthedresserandheadforthestairs.IleavemyphonebehindbecauseIdon’twantanydistractions.Iwantittobemeandthesun.
Itakethestairsdowntothemainfloorandglancearound,noticingthatthespacelooksuntouched,andthenheadtothebackofthehouse,whereIopenoneoftheoverlylargeslidingglassdoors.Ofcoursetherearetowelsfoldedneatlyandstackedinanoutdoorlinencloset,alongwithanythingelseyoumightneedwhileswimming—goggles,sunscreen,andeventhoselittleplugsforyournose.
Fromthecloset,Isnagatowelandtakeittooneoftheblack-and-whitestripedloungechairsborderingthepool.Undoingthetiesofmycover-up,Iletthefabricfalltotheground,thensetmysunglassesovermyeyes.TheCaliforniasunisrelentless,makingitgreattanningweather,whichmakesmethink…Iglancearound,knowingdamnwellI’maloneinthisincrediblylargehouse,soIreachbehindandundomybikinitop.Oops,wouldyoulookatthat,completelytopless.That’smorelikeit.Irevelinthewaytheheatofthesunimmediatelywarmsmynipples.
ShouldIstripdowncompletely?
Iglancearoundonemoretimeandthenthink,whythefucknot?
Oncemybottomsarepusheddowntomyfeet,Istepoutofthefabricandplacethebottomswithmytop.
Nude.
Anditfeelssogood.
There’sawhiteloungefloatinthepoolcallingmyname,soIwalkovertotheedge,reachforthefloat,andpullittowardthestairstocarefullygeton.Thecoolwateragainstmyheatedskinisawonderfulcontrastthatmybodyappreciates.OnceI’msituatedonthefloat,Iadjustmyglassesandthensinkintothecomfortoffloatingonthewaterasthesunheatsmynakedskin.
Wouldn’tbethefirsttimeI’vegoneskinny-dipping.
Iclosemyeyesandlistentothesubtlebreezeswishingthroughthepalmtreeleaves,offeringarelaxingsoundtracktomymid-morningswim.Yes,thisisjustwhatIneeded.
Eyesshut,I’mjustabouttodozeoff—
“Whatthehellareyoudoing?”
Huxley
Andfromthetoneofhisvoice,he’snothappy.
Iopenmyeyesandliftmysunglassestoseehimattheedgeofthepool,wearingnothingbutapairofrunningshortsandrunningshoes.Histhick,barechestiscoveredinsweat,andhishairissoaked,wetstrandsclumpingtogether.
God,helooksyummy.
Ishiftontheraft—I’mnotshyatall,themanhasseenitallalready—andsay,“Floating.”
“You’renaked.”
“AmI?”Iask,glancingdown.“Well,wouldyoulookatthat,Iam.”Andjustforthehellofit,Ispreadmylegswiderthantheraftandletmyfeetdipintothewater.
“Why?”
Ifixmysunglassesovermyeyes.“BecauseIwantedto.Becauseyou’vealreadyseenmenaked.Andbecauseyourstaffdoesn’tworkonweekendsanymore.”Itiltmyheadtowardthesun.“God,Iloveskinny-dipping.Haveyoutriedit?”
“No.”
“Really?Youhaveapool.Youshouldatleasttryitonce.”Iwavetowardhim.“Comein,joinme.”
Hedoesn’tsayanything,soIcrackmyeyesopentoseewhathe’sdoing.Ifindhimstandingontheedge,butnowhishandsareballedintotightfistsathisside.
Someoneneedstorelax.
Themanisapent-upballofstress,readytoexplodeanyminute.He’shadsmallmomentshereandtherewherehe’sallowedhimselftorelax,buthehasn’tfullyunclenchedyet.Maybeslowlybutsurely,Icanhelphimdothat.
“Iwon’tbite.Promise.”Idipmyfingersintothewaterandsplashthemaroundbeforebringingthemuptomychest,wherewaterdripsfrommyfingersandontomybreasts.I’mtemptedtocirclemynipplebutI’mnotlookingforhimtocomeinheresexuallycharged.I’mjustlookingforhimtorelax.
Whenhestilldoesn’tmove,Isighinfrustrationandshiftmybodyofftheraftandintothecoolwater.Mynippleshardenimmediatelyfromtheshockofthetemperaturechangetomyskin,butIpowerthroughandmakeittothestairs.
Huxley’seyesstayfixedonme,pulsingthroughmewithsuchintensitythatmystomachbottomsoutmomentarilyasIgrowclosetohim.
Withashakyhand,Itakehisinmine,guidehimtoaloungechair,andforciblymakehimsit.Whenhedoesn’tprotest,Ikneelinfrontofhimandremovehissocksandshoes.Icanfeelhisgazeonmetheentiretime,watchingmyeverymove.WhenI’mdone,Istandandtakehishandinmineagain.Ileavehiminhisshorts,becausethoseareeasytoswimin,andafterI’vecheckedforhisphoneandwallet,Iguidehimtothestepsofthepool.
Oddly,eventhoughI’mcompletelynaked,Idon’tfeelself-consciousinfrontofhim.Idon’tevenfeelasthoughI’mnaked.Hemakesmefeelcomfortableinmyskin.Hehasn’tquitevoicedhisappreciationformybodyasmuchasonewouldthink,giventheconfidenceIhavearoundhim,butitisn’taboutwhathesays,it’sabouthowheactswhenI’mexposedtohim.Thewayhiseyesrakeovermewithdesperategratitude.Thefirmgripwheneverheplaceshishandsonme.Thedomineeringcommandswhenwe’reinthemoment.
Nottomention,howhegetssoincrediblyhardanytimewe’reintimate.
Istepintothewaterandbringhiminwithme.Hedoesn’tprotest,soIkeepmovingforwarduntilIreachtheraft,whichisdefinitelybigenoughforthebothofus.Ipullitcloserandsay,“Geton.”
Hescanstheraftandthenlooksatme.“Areyougoingtojoinme?”
“Yes,”Ianswer.
Withthat,hegetsontheraftandthenhelpsmeon.Withtheaddedweight,wesinklowerintothewater,butwe’restillfloating,justtheoccasionalsplashofwaterlappingupovertheedge.IsituatemyselfsoI’mfacinghim,whileheliesonhisbackandplaceshishandbehindhishead.
“See?Noneedtogetyourpantiesinatwist.Isn’tthisnice?”
Inagruffvoice,hesays,“Mypantiesweren’tinatwist.”
Ipressmyfingertohisbrowandsay,“Thiswasallscrunchedup.”
“You’renaked.”
“Youdidn’tseemtohaveaproblemwiththatlastnight.”
Hiseyesshoottomine.“Youweren’toutside.”
Ican’thidethesmirkthatpullsatmylips.“Afraidsomeoneelsemightseeme?”
“Yes,”hesays.
“Youactasifyoucare.”
Hiseyesflashtomineagainandhestaresatmeforafewbreathsbeforeheturnsandfacesmeontheraft.Hishandfallstomyhip,andfromthatlittlepossessivetouch,myentirebodyheatsupfromtheinsideout.
“Idofuckingcare.”Histhumbrubsovermyskin.“Thisisformyeyesonly.”
Itwistmylipstotheside,tryingtotreadthelinecarefullyasIask,“Wasmybodycontractedtoyouaswell?Ican’tquiterememberthatpart.”
Hewetshislipsanddragshishandupmyside,downmyarm,andthenstraighttomybreast.Hisfingersconnectwithmynipple,andcasually,asifthisiswhathedoesonSaturdays,herollsmynipplebetweenhisfingers.
Butthefeelingpumpingthroughmefromhistouchisanythingbutcasual.
“DidIordidInothavemymouthalloveryourcuntlastnight?”HetwistsmynippleandIsqueezemyeyesshut,mybreathstolenfrommemomentarily.
“You…did,”Ianswer.
“ThenthatmeansIlaidclaimonthisbody.”Hepinchesme.“Understood?”
Ahissescapespastmylips.“Yes,”Ianswer.
“Good.”HereleasesmynippleandIcan’thelpbututterasoundofprotest.ThesmallestofsmirkspassesoverhislipsandIglareathim.
“Youthinkthat’sfunny?Teasingmelikethat?”
“Notfunny…moreenticing.Makesmewanttodomore.Seeingyoulikethis,nakedinmypool,makesmewanttodosomuchmore.”
“Likewhat?”Iask,intrigued.Afterthelastcoupleofencounterswithhimandthemind-blowingorgasmshe’spulledfromme,I’dprettymuchlethimdoanythingtome.AndImeananything.
“Bendyouoverthesideofthispool,spreadyourass,andeatyouout.”
Oh.
Jesus.
Mylegsgrowtightasadullthrobpulsesbetweenthem.Ican’timaginewhatthatwouldfeellike,butnowI’mwonderingjusthowgooditwouldbe.
“Haveyoueverdonethatbefore?Everdoneanythingwithanyoneinyourpoolbefore?”
Heglancestotheside,avoidingeyecontactwithme.“Yeah.”
Forsomereason,thatdisappointsme.IknowIshouldn’tcareandIhavenorighttocareatall,butasmallpartofmewishesthatIwasthefirstwomanhehadinthispool.
Butplayingitcool,Iask,“Ohreally?Wassheanygood?”
Thistimehiseyesflashtomine.“No.”
Well…that,uh,thatmakesmewanttosmile.
“Interesting,”Isay,keepingmysmiletomyself.“Whywasn’tsheanygood?”
Herunshisfingersovermybreastagainandthenpasseshisthumbacrossmynipple.“Shewasaggressive.Overthetop.Itwasasifshewastryingtoimpressme.”
“Whenshedidtheexactopposite.”
Henodsasherollsmynipplebetweenhisthumbandindexfinger.Asmallmoanfallspastmylips.I’munabletocontrolit,controlhowhemakesmefeel.ThisisthefirsttimeinmyentirelifethatIcansaythatwhenIlookataman,allIwantishismouthonmine,hishandbetweenmylegs,hisbodycommandingmine.
Every.
Single.
Time.
“Idon’tappreciatetheatrics,”hesayssoftly,hiseyesfixedonmybreasts.“IwantrealwhenItakeawomantobed.”
“DoyouthinkI’mbeingreal?”Iask.
Histhumbreleasesmynippleandhemoveshishandbacktomyhip,strokingmegently.I’mturnedonandwantsomuchmore.Andyet,Ialsowanthimtorelax,andthat’swhatheseemstobedoing.“Yes,Idothinkyou’rebeingreal.YouhatemetoomuchtopretendI’mgivingyoupleasure.IfIwasn’tturningyouon,you’dletmeknow.”
He’sverymuchrightaboutthat,butthereisonethinghe’snotentirelycorrectinstating.
“Idon’thateyou,Huxley.”
“Could’vefooledme,”hesayssoftly.Thetoneofhisvoiceismoreteasingthanaccusatory.
“Imean,therearemomentswhenIhateyou,I’mnotgoingtolieaboutthat.ButIdon’thaveanoverallhatredforyou.Iactuallyappreciatewhatyou’vedoneforme.”
“It’samutualappreciation,”hesaysbeforehecloseshiseyes.
Hisbreathevensoutashisgriponmerelaxes.Ishe…takinganap?Withmenakedlikethis?
Whenhedoesn’tmove,butcontinuestoliethere,eyesclosed,handonme,Irealizethat’sexactlywhathe’sdoing.
Andmaybe,inothercircumstances,I’dtakeoffensetothis.I’manakedwomanlyingrightnexttohim.I’dexpecthimtowanttotakeadvantageofthesituation,butHuxleydoesn’tneedto.Hecanliehereincomfort,knowingthatI’llprobablylierightherewithhim.
WhichIwill,becausethismomentfeelscomfortable.Itfeelsnormal.
IclosemyeyesaswellandletoutadeepsighasIallowtherafttofloatusaroundthepool.Theincomingcloudsslowlyblockthesunfromcrispingupourskin,givingustheopportunitytojustenjoythewarmheat.
I’mnotsurehowlongwestaylikethis.
Ican’tbesurehowlongwenap,butitisn’tuntilI’mbeingcarriedupthestairsofHuxley’shousethatIrealizeI’mnolongerontheraft.
Inahaze,Iopenmyeyesandblinkafewtimes.“What’shappening?”Iask,confused.
“Ididn’twantyoutogetburnt.Thesuncameoutagain,”hewhisperssoftly.
Carryingmedownthehallwaythatleadstoourbedrooms,Ihalfexpecthimtokickopenthedoortohisbedroom,buthedoesn’t.Heopensmybedroomdoorandthensoftlyplacesmeonmybed,rollingdowntheblanketsandthenslippingthemupovermynakedbody.Whenhestraightens,hegripsthebackofhisneckandasks,“CanIgetyouanything?”
Caughtoffguardfromhisone-eightyinattitude,Ishakemyhead.“No,I’m…uh,I’mgood.”
Henodsandtakesastepback.“Sorryaboutthatbackthere.”
“Sorryaboutwhat?”Iask.
“Touchingyou.Ishouldn’thave.I’mjusthavingahardtimekeepingthisprofessional,especiallywhenIwalkinonyounaked.You’redamnhardtoresist,Lottie.”
Itiltmyhead,tryingtounderstandhim.“Whenhastouchingmeeverstoppedyoubefore?”
“I’mtryingtorespectwhatwehave,notfuckitup.”
“Doyouknowhowyoucanfuckitup?”Iask.
“How?”
“Byclosingyourselfoff.”
Hegripshisneckevenharder.“I’mtrying,Lottie.”
“I’venoticed,”Isay.“AndIappreciateyouopeningupandtalkingtome.Answeringmyquestions.Itmeansalottome.Itmakesthissituationeasier,andhonestly,Ilikegettingtoknowyou,Huxley.You’rea…neatguy.”
Hisbrowquirksupwhileaslightsmilepullsathislips.“Neat?”
Ismirk.“Yup.Neat.”
“Prettysurenoonehasevercalledmeaneatguybefore.”
“Suchashame.”Iremovethecoversheplacedovermeandstandfrommybed.AsIwalktowardmybathroom,Ifeelhiseyestracingmyeverymove.Iwalkintothewalk-inclosetandgrabafreshpairofunderwear—ifthat’swhatyouwanttocallthem.Thefabricbarelycoversmyass.Ilookforanoversizedshirtbutrememberallofmyclothesareinstorage.Groaning,Iwalkbackout.Hiseyesimmediatelyrakeoverme,fromheadtotoe.It’saheatedgaze,remindingmethathemightnothavedoneanythingwithmethismorning,butthere’snodoubtinmymindthathewantsto.“CanIborrowashirt?”Iask.“Ireallyjustwanttowearsomethingoversizedandcomfortable.”
“Youwanttoborrowoneofmyshirts?”heasks.
“Yeah,doyoumind?”
Hiseyesgrowdarkerandhepausesbeforeanswering.What’sthebigdeal?It’sashirt.
I’mabouttoteasehim,whenhesays,“Sure.”Heturnsawayfrommeandheadsintohisroom.Ifollowbehindhim,notcaringatallthatI’mtopless.What’sthepointincoveringupnow?
HegoestohisdresserdrawersandpullsoutafadedblackT-shirt.“Don’tloseit.It’soneofmyfavorites,”hesaysbeforehandingittome.
Itakethethreadbareshirtfromhimandunfoldit,revealingapictureofCreedenceClearwaterRevival.Iquicklylookupathim.“CCR?YouhaveaCCRshirt?”
Henods.“Theywereoneofmydad’sfavoritebands.Ionlyhaveafewmemoriesofmydad,becausehedivorcedmymomwhenwewereyoung,butthememoriesIdohaveofhimalwaysinvolvedCCRplayinginthebackground.”
Isliptheshirton,lovinghowitsmellslikehim.
Hetakesastepforwardandtugsonthesleeve.“You’reswimminginthis.”
“ThewayIlikeit.”
Henodsagain.“Yeah,youlookprettydamngoodinit.”
Ihugmyself.“It’sreallycomfortable.Imightstealitfromyou.”
Thatplayfulbrowofhisquirksupagain.“Youbetternot.”
Teasinghim,Isay,“Youshouldn’thaveofferedupthisshirtifyoudidn’twantmestealingit.”Imovepasthim,onlyforhimtogripmywristandpullmeagainsthischest.
Hetiltsupmychinandsays,“Don’tmakemepeelthatshirtoffyourightnow.”
“Isthatsupposedtobeathreat?Feelsmorelikearewardtome.”
Hislipsthinastheypresstogether.Hiseyessearchmine,bouncingbackandforth,andIwaitforhisnextmove.Hiscomeback.Buthedoesn’tsayanything.Hejust…shakeshisheadandthenlaceshisfingerswithminetobringmebackdownstairstothekitchen,wherehespinsmetowardthecounterandliftsmeupontotheisland.Thecoldsurfacemakesmesquealforjustaseconduntilmyskinbecomesacclimated.
“Whatdoyouwantforlunch?”heasks.
“Ithoughtyoucan’tcook.”
“Ican’t,”hesays.“Butasandwichisinmywheelhouse.”
“Isitnow?”Icrossonelegovertheotherandleanmyhandsbackonthecounter.“Whatkindofsandwich?Grilledcheese?Oristhataskingtoomuch?”
Helooksoverhisshoulderatme.“That’saskingtoomuch.”
Isnortandcovermynoseatthesametime.“Youpoorwealthyman.Can’tevenmakeagrilledcheese.Letmeshowyouhowit’sdone.”
Ihopoffthecounterandgotothefridgetofindthecheese.Butterisonthecounterinacrock,andIturntofindHuxleyhandingmethebread.
IknowthepotsandpansareintheislandcabinetssoIopenoneofthedoorsandfindexactlywhatI’mlookingfor.
WhenIturntowardthestove,IfeelHuxleycrowdingme.“Don’tworry,I’mnotgoingtobreakanything.”
“I’mnotworriedaboutyoubreakinganything,”hesays.“I’mhopingyouteachme.”
Ipause.“Youreallydon’tknowhowtomakeagrilledcheese?”
“Nevermadeonebefore.”
“OhGod,whydoIfindthatsoendearing?”Iask.
Hishandfallstomylowerbackashemovestomyotherside.“Maybebecauseit’saweaknessofmineandyouenjoywatchingmestruggle.”
Ichuckle.“IdolikeseeingthealmightyHuxleyCanehavingtocomebackdowntoearth.”Ielbowhim,showinghimI’mteasing.Andwhenheglancesinmydirectionwithasmile,Icanfeelallofmyanxietywashrightoutofme.
Withonesimplelook.
That’sallittakes
“So,howdowemakethesethings?”Heholdsuptwopiecesofbread.
“Youreallyarehelpless.”Iturnonthestovetop,warmupthepan,andthengrabaplateandaknife,whichIhandtohim.“Doyouknowhowtobutterbread?”
Hegivesmeamockinglook.“I’mnotcompletelyinept.”
“Justchecking.”Ismilewidely.“Butteronesideoneachsliceofbread.”
Heliftsthetoptothebuttercrockandswipesbutteroverthebread.He’snotsmoothaboutitbyanymeans.He’sactuallyquiteclumsy,whichIfindadorable,andatonepoint,hepiercestheknifethroughthebread,makingitseemasthoughI’msittinginthefrontrowtoanawfulinfomercialwheretheydon’tknowhowtodosimplethingslikecutasliceofcheese.
Whenhe’sdonewiththebutter,Ihandhimthecheese.“Putthatonthesandwichandthen,withthebutterfacingout,setthesandwichonthepan.”
“Easyenough,”hesays,thoughhegetsbutteralloverhisfingersinhisattempttoputthesandwichonthepan.Ihandhimatowel,whichheusestowipehishands.“Nowwewait?”
“Yes.Ihavetheheatonmediumandwe’regoingtocoverthepanwiththislidsothecheesemelts,andthenwe’llcheckonitinaminuteorso.”
Hestaresatthepanandthenrunshishandthroughhishair.“Thisseemsfartooeasy.I’mlookinglikeanasshatrightnow.”
Iletoutaloudlaugh.“No,just…interesting,isall.Ifnooneshowedyou,howwouldyouknow?”
“Icouldask.”
“Whichyoudid.”Ipathisbarechest.“Youaskedme.Aren’tyouluckytohavemeasyourteacher?”
“Very,”hesays,hiseyesserious.
Well…okaythen.
Uh,letmejustgo,uh,getsomethingsoIdon’thavetofeellikeawiltingflowerunderthisman’sstronggaze.
IsmileawkwardlyandthenheadintothepantrytogetsomechipsIsawintheretheotherday,aswellastwobananas.
Idon’tknowwhat’swiththechangeofattitudeonhisend,butI’mgoingwithit,becausethisisaHuxleyCaneIcouldverymuchgetalongwith.Andgiventhemanfellasleepwithmeonapoolfloatandthencarriedmeupstairstorest,IthinkI’mtheLottieGardnerhecouldgetalongwithtoo.
***
“Itdoesn’ttastethatbadafteryouscrapeofftheburntparts,”Isay,examiningthesandwich.
“Yourealizethisisyourfault,right?”Hetakesabiteofhispartiallyburntgrilledcheese.
“Howisthismyfault?”Iask.
We’resittingattheoutdoordiningset,asmallbowlofchipsbetweenus,aswellaspre-cutveggiesfromReign.Imustsay,thepersonalchefthingisprettynice,aluxuryI’llmisswhenthisisallover.
“Youleftmeinchargewhileyouwenttothebathroom.”
“Itoldyoutocheckitinafewsecondstoseeifitwasdoneandthentotakeitofftheheat.Youturneduptheheat.”
“Somethingthesupervisorshould’vebeentheretowatch.”
Irollmyeyesandleanbackinmychair.“Keeptellingyourselfthat,Hux.”
Hesetshissandwichdownandpicksuphiswater.Casually,heleansbackinhischairaswellandlooksouttowardthepool.“Doyouhaveanyquestionsformetoday?”
“Ialwayshavequestions.”
“Fireaway,”hesays,lookingwaymorerelaxedthanI’veeverseenhim.Whichmeans,heverywellmightbeopentoansweringsomehard-hittingquestions.
Don’tmindifIdo.
Irubmyhandstogetherandask,“Whatwasyourfirstimpressionofme?”
Hetakesasipofhiswaterandkeepshisgazeforwardashespeaks.“Firstimpression.Well,youwerewearingleggingsandasportsbrathatmadeyourtitslookamazing.Itwashardnottothinkrightoffthebathowhotyouwere.”Hestunsmewithhisstare.“ButthenIquicklyrealizedyouwerealunatic.”
Mymouthfallsopeninamusement.Ipokeathisarmandsay,“Andyet,youstillaskedmetobeyourfakefiancée.”
Hescratchesthesideofhischeek.“Desperationdoescrazythingstoaperson.”
“Aren’tyouacharmertoday.”Ibringmyfeetuponmyseatandhugmykneestomychest,gettingmorecomfortable.“Goahead,askmeaquestion.”
Studyingme,hetiltshisheadtothesideandasks,“Yourdreamman,whoishe?”
Colormeshocked.Didn’texpectthatkindofquestiontofallpasthislips.
“Youseemsurprised,”Huxleysays.
“Yeah,wasn’texpectingthat.Almostthoughtyouweregoingtoaskmewhatmyfirstimpressionofyouwas.”
“Ialreadyknowthat.You’vebeenquitevocalabouthowIwasadifferentmanonthesidewalkandinChipotle.”
Yeah,Ihave.
“Okay,then.Mydreamguy?Hmm…I’veneverreallythoughtaboutitbefore.IknowIwantsomeonewhocaresforme,likeJeffcaresformymom.Hethinksshe’sanabsolutequeenandtreatsherlikeit.I’dalsolikehimtohavefunwithme.Wedon’thavetohaveeverythingincommon,butI’dlovetobeabletojustletloose,havefunwithhim.Butalso,amanwithagoodheadonhisshoulders.I’mbarelykeepingmyheadabovewater,Idon’twantsomeoneIhavetobabysit,ifthatmakessense.”
Henods.
“Andthen,ofcourse,theobvious—hehastobeakillerinbed.I’vehadmyfairshareofbadlovers.I’vepaidmydues.WhoeverIendupwithneedstobeabletogetmeoffwithbarelytrying.”
“Isthatit?”heasks.
“Ithinkso.Youcaughtmeoffguard.I’msurethereareotherthings,youknow…likecelebratingmywinsjustasmuchaswecelebratehis.Respect.Theusualitems.”
“Thinkyou’lleverfindhim?”
“Isthatyoursecondquestion?”
“Yeah,itis.”Hepropshischinonhisfingersasheleansfurtherintohischair.
“WillIeverfindhim?”Ishrug.“Idon’tknow.Maybe,ifI’mlucky.I’veneverbeenasuper-romanticperson,soIdon’treallygiveanyofthismuchthoughtatall,butwouldIliketohaveadreamguybymysideoneday?Yeah.I’veseenmymomaloneandI’veseenherwithsomeonewhotrulyadoresher.She’ssomuchhappier,stressfree.Iwantthatformeoneday.NotsayingIneeditnow,butsomeday.”Whenoureyesconnect,Iask,“Whataboutyou?Thinkyou’llfindyourdreamgirloneday,settledown?”
Hedoesn’twaverwhenhesays,“Yeah,IthinkIwill.”
“Caretoelaborateonthatanswer?”
Heshakeshishead.“Nah,I’mgood.”
Irollmyeyes.“God,you’reinfuriating.”
Hechuckles.“Idon’tknowwhatyouwantmetoelaborateon.DoIthinkI’llfindher?Yeah,Ifuckingdo.DoIthinkI’mreadyforher?No.Butlifedoesn’treallyworklikethat,itdoesn’twaitforwhenyou’reready.So,whenevershecomesalong,IknowI’mgoingtoscrambletofigureouthowtomakeherhappy,totrytokeepher.”
“Here’sahint—don’tbeadicktoher.”Iwinkathim.“Thatwillgiveyouafightingchance.”
“I’lltakethatintoconsideration.”
***
Tired,IcloseKelsey’slaptopandflopbackonmybed.SinceIspentagoodportionofmydayyesterdaydoingabsolutelynothing,IfiguredI’dtrytogetsomethingsdonetodaybeforeIgotoKelsey’stomorrowmorning.
ButI’vebeenworkingonthewebsiteforagoodthreehoursnowandI’moverit.Ineedabreak.
Wow,it’sgottendarkinhere.Whattimeisit?
Iwakeupmyphonetoseeit’sonlyfourintheafternoon,soIglanceoutthewindowandtakeinthedarkcloudsandtheearlysignsofrain.
AraredayinCaliforniawhenitrains.
MyphonebuzzesandIglanceatthescreen.
Angela
MynostrilsflareasIangrilypickupmyphoneandunlockitsoIcanseewhatshehastosay.Honestly,she’ssodelusionalthatshethinksshecanjusttextmeasifshedidn’tfuckmeover.WhyIhaven’talreadyblockedhernumberisbeyondme.
Angela:Hey,girl.Didn’tgetyourRSVPforthereunion.ShouldIcountonyoucomingsolo?
WhywouldshejustassumethatwhenIhadHuxley’senormousrockonmyfinger?
ProbablybecauseshebelievesHuxleyiswaytoogoodforme.
Which,yeah,shemightberightaboutthat.I’mnotnecessarilythedreamgirlhe’ssearchingfor,eventhoughhedidn’tdescribeher.IknowIdon’tquitefitintohishigh-profilelife.I’mnotanidiot,butforAngelatojustassume
Whatawretchedbitch.
ShouldIevenbotherwithtextingherback?
IfIdon’t,she’sgoingtoassumeshegotthebestofmeandIdon’twantthat,so,outofpureanger,Itextherback.
Lottie:Sorry,beentotallybusywithHuxley.Countusinfortwo.
There,thatshouldsetherfake-blonderootsonfire.
Smilingtomyself,Iliftoffthebed—stillinmyrobefrommyshowerearlier—andgotomycloset.Ithrowonapairoflacepajamashortsandmatchingbralette.It’sactuallyoneofthemorecomfortablesets,andI’veworneverycolorbesidesthiswhiteonesofar.
MyphonebuzzesandIquicklyreadit,wantingtoseethekindofsnarkyresponseAngelahasforme.
Angela:Oh,you’retogetherstill?Huh,IthoughtIsawhimwithsomeoneelsetheothernight.
Whatafuckingliar!
I’mnotstupidenoughtofallforthatshit,noramIinsecureenoughtoevenquestionHuxley’sintentions.He’stoldme,pointblank,I’mitwhilewe’reincontract.Andifanything,IknowwhenHuxleytalksbusiness,hemeansit.
IwalkintomybedroomandstartpacingasIfuriouslytextherback.
Lottie:Funny…he’sbeenwithmeeverynight.Areyoutryingtostartdrama,Angela?
There,callheroutonherbullshit.It’snotasifIhaveanythingtolose.
Angela:WhyonearthwouldIwanttodothat?
Ilaughoutloud.ShemustthinkI’macompletedumbass.
AndmaybeIaminhereyes,sinceI’mtheidiotwho’sfollowedheraroundandbeenatherbeckandcallonlyforhertoturnherbackonme.
Notanymore.
Lottie:Becauseyou’rejealous.
Angela:Jealous?Ofyou?Oh,honey,that’scute.
Idon’tthinkI’veeverdespisedsomeoneasmuchasIdespiseher.
I’mabouttotextherbackwhenthere’saknockatmydoorandthenHuxleycracksopenthedoor.Whenhecatchessightofme,hiseyesheatup,andhegivesmeastrongperusalbeforehepushesthedoorallthewayopen.
“Whatareyoudoing?”heasks.I’mnotsureI’veeverseenhimsocasuallydressed.ShortsandaT-shirt,hishairarumpledmess,andhedidn’tbothershavingtoday.Helooks…yummy.
“TextingwithAngela.DidyouknowIhateher?”
“Yeah,Idid.”Hewalksuptome,removesmyphonefrommysteelgrip,andtossesitonthebed.Hethenlaceshisfingerswithmineandguidesmetowardthehallway.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Iask.
“It’sraining.”
“Inoticed.”
Hepausesandsays,“WhenIaskedyouwhatyou’dwantifitwasaperfectworld,yousaidtoworkwithyoursister,moveoutofyourmom’shouse,stickittoAngela,eraseyourstudentloans,andtohaveaplacewhereyoucanlieintherainwithoutjudgment.”
Herememberedthat?
Hetugsonmyhand.“ItoldyouI’dtakecareofallofit.I’vecomethroughoneverythingelse.Thisisthelastthing.”
Hepullsmedownthehallway,totheoppositesideofthehouse,andtoadoorI’veneverexploredbefore.Whenheopensit,we’regreetedbyanothersetofstairs.
“Whereareyoutakingme?”Iaskasweascendthestairs.
Hedoesn’tanswer.Instead,whenwereachthetop,heopensthedoortoasurpriserooftopdeck.
Whatonearth?
It’snotverybigatall,andhe’sdonenothingwiththespace.Justfourshortwallstopreventyoufromrollingofftheside.
“Hereyougo,”hesays,“theperfectspottolieintherainwithoutjudgment,withoutbeingdisturbed.”Henodstowardtheteak-coveredfloor.“Doesthiswork?”
“Thismorethanworks.”Iglanceupathim.“Thankyou.Thismeansalottome.”
“You’rewelcome,”hesayssoftlyandstepsasidesoIcanmakemywayoutintotherain,justasitstartstopickup.
WhenIgetoutside,Ispreadmyarmswide,tiltmyheadback,andlettherainsoakthroughmyclothesandintomyskin.WhenIopenmyeyes,IsmileatHuxley,who’swatchingmeintently.Imotionforhimtojoinme.
Hedoesn’tskipabeatandstepsoutintotherainwithme.Itakehishandsinmineandspinhimaround.Hechuckleslightly,lettingmebegoofywithhim.
“Don’tyouloveit?Therain?”Iask.
“Notasmuchasyoudo.”
“Youclearlydon’tknowhowtoappreciateit.”Iguidehimtothegroundandlayhimoutnexttome,keepingmyhandinhisastherainpeltsdownuponus.Eyesclosed,Isay,“Thesound,thesmell,thefeelingofnotcaringifyougetwet—isn’titthebestfeeling?”
Hedoesn’tanswerrightawaybut,Ifeelhimtakeafewdeepbreaths.“I’veneverstoppedtofeeltherain.”Iturnmyhead,openmyeyes,andseehimstaringbackatme.“Thankyou.”
He’ssogenuineinthismoment.
Soreal.
There’snodomineeringassholetryingtocontrolme.
There’snosignofthemanwho’sbeenplayingDr.JekyllandMr.Hyde.
ThisisHuxley.
Thetrueman.
Anditfeelslikeabullettothechest.Ilikethissideofhim.IlikehimlikethismorethanIprobablyshould.
Together,welieintherain,lettingitsoakustotheboneandgatherontherooftopsurface.Theplopsfromthewaterhittingthehardsurfacefillthesilencebetweenus,whilethesmellofwetblacktopwaftsaroundus.
Pureperfection.
“Whendidyoustartdoingthis?”heasks,turningtowardme.
Iturntowardhimaswell.Therainhasletupsoit’smoreofasprinklenow.“WhenIwasinhighschool.I’vealwayslovedtherain,especiallysinceitrarelyrainshereinCalifornia.Ilovedthefeelingofbeingcaughtupinsomethingotherthaneverydaylife.EspeciallywhenIwashangingoutwithAngela.Ifeltoutofcontrolattimes.Therainwouldhelpmeslowdown.”BeingwithAngelaoftenfeltlikebeinginadark,unwelcomestorm.Buttherain,bycontrast,wassoft.Safe.Clean.
Hereachesoutandplaceshishandonmycheekbeforewipingawayafewdropletsofwaterwithhisthumb.It’sasweet,intimategesture,andinsteadofshyingaway,Ileanintoit.
“Howoftendoyoucomeuphere?”
“Notoftenenough,”hesays.“I’veprobablycomeuphereonceortwice.Butwhenyousaidyouwantedaplacetolieintherain,IknewexactlywhereI’dtakeyou.”Seeminginsecure,heasks,“Doyoulikeit?”
Inod.“Ilikeitalot.Itcoulduseapieceoffurniture.”Ichuckle.“ButIthinkit’sperfect.Thankyou.”
Whenhedoesn’tsayanything,butinsteadcontinuestostareatme,Itakethatmomenttoscootclosertohim.Theheatofthedaydoesn’tquitebreakthroughalltherain,somybodyisslightlychilled,butnotchilledenoughtoforcemetoleave.Ijustneedalittlewarmth.
Noticingmyintention,heliftshisarm,andIscootinevencloseruntilhewrapshisarmaroundmywaistandpullsmeagainsthisside.And,ohGod,doeshesmellgood.Likefresh,masculinelaundry—ifthatmakessense.
“Should’veputonsomethingwarmer,”hesays.
“Ididn’tknowI’dbeoutintherain,andthesearetheclothesyouprovidedme.”Ilookupathim.“I’vecometorealizeyou’reapervert.”
Helightlychuckles.“I’mnotapervert.”
“Everythinginthatclosetofmineisscandalous.I’mgoingtostartworkingmywayintoyourdresserdrawersandtakingallyourshirts.”
“Havewhateveryouwant.Youlooksexyinboth.”
Iliftup,myhandonhischestasIstareathim.“Wasthatacompliment,Huxley?”
“Wantmetotakeitback?”
“No.”Ishakemyheadandpressmyhandtomyheart.“Ineedtocherishthismoment.HuxleyCanecomplimentedme.Notsurethismomentcouldgetanybetter.”
“Itcan,”hesaysandpullsmeontopofhim.Comparedtohistallandmuscularstature,Ifeelsominiature,sopetite.Bothofhishandsfalltomylowerbackandthenslipaninchunderthewaistbandofmyshorts.
“Isthiscomfortableforyou?”Iaskhim.
“Very,”hesays.
“AndIthoughtyouwouldn’tappreciatehavingashrewofawomandrapedacrossyou.”
Helaughs,andit’ssuchabeautifulsound.“ImightenjoytheshrewmorethanIthought.”
ThiscausesmetositallthewayupuntilI’msituatedontopofhislap.“Areyousayingyouenjoymycompanyratherthandespiseit?”
Hishandsfalltomythighs,andhemovesthemfarthernorthuntiltheyconnectwiththeinsidesofmyhips.It’sasmalltouch,butitcarriesalargeimpactasaboltoflustshootsrightupmyspine.
“Ineverdespisedyou.Youhavetostopthinkingthat.DidIfindyoumildlyirritatingattimes?Ofcourse.”
Ilaugh.“Suchacharmer.”
“Wasn’tawareIneededtocharmyou.”Hiseyesspeakofpureplayfulness.“Doyouneedcharming?”
Ipretendtofluffmywethair.“Wouldn’thurtyoutothrowalittlecharmthisway.”
Hewetshislipseventhoughtheyprobablydon’tneeditbecauseoftherain.“Whatdoyouconsidercharm?Wordsoractions?”
“Bothcanqualify.”
Heglancesatmychestandthenbackupatme.“So,ifIweretosayyourtitslookhotinthatsee-throughlacetop,wouldthatcharmyou?”
It’ssee-through?
Iglancedownandseethecleardefinitionofmynipples.Well,Iguessitissee-throughwhenit’swet.
“Iguessthatwouldcharmmemarginally,butIbelieveyoucouldprobablydobetter.”
“Yeah?”Hishandssnakeupmysidesuntiltheyloopundermybraletteandpullitupandovermyhead.Hetossesthedrenchedfabrictothesideandthenbringshishandstomythighs.“Whataboutnow?Charming?”
Isitthere,onhislap,topless,intherain,andtoanyotherperson,thisactioncouldbedefinedas“hornyman.”
But,God,withoneblinkofhiseye,hecouldcharmtheseshortsrightoffme.
“Fromyoursilenceandheavybreathing,I’mgoingtotakethatasayes.”
He’ssococky,sosureofhimself.It’ssexyandalsovaguelyannoying.Theannoyingpartcausesmynextaction.
Irestmyhandonhisstomachandshiftmypelvisoverhislap.Hisplayfuleyesimmediatelyturndark,seductive.
“Whatareyoudoing?”
“Showingyouwhatcharmreallyis.”Irotatemyhipsagain,andthistime,I’mrewardedbyhimgrowingharderunderneathme.
I’dbelyingifIsaidIdidn’twanthiscock.Aftergivinghimheadintheshower,there’snothingIwantmorethantoexperiencehimdrivingintomeoverandoveragain.Buthe’salsoabitofaflightrisk,andwhilewe’vemadesomeprogressthisweekend—progresstowardwhat,I’mnotsure,butatleasthe’sengagingwithme—Idon’twanttopushhimtoofar,justenough.
WaterdripsdownmyfaceasIsmileathim.“Yousee,Huxley”—Irubmycenteroverhiserectioninacontinuousmotion,findingjusttherightspotforbothofus—“charmcaneasilycomeintheformofdry-humping.”
HeletsoutaroaroflaughterrightbeforethemostgorgeoussmileI’veeverseenlightsuphisface.God,he’sbeautiful.Sexyandhot,yes,butrightnow,Iseeaboyishcutenesstohimaswell.
“Ihadnoideacharmcouldbetranslatedthroughdry-humping.Ialwaysthoughttheuniversaltranslationfordry-humpingwas…‘hey,I’mhorny.’”
Isteadymyhandsonhisstomach,whichcausesmybreaststopresstogether.“Itcanmeanboth.”
Stillsmiling,hereachesuptomybreastsandrollsmynippleswithhisfingers.“Goodtoknow.”Hethenenvelopsmyrightbreastinhishand,squeezing,massaging.“HaveIevertoldyouhowfuckinghotyourtitsare?”
“Mmm,”Imoan,pickingupmypacejustanotch.“Ican’tremember.Maybe.Buttellmemore.”
“They’resexyasfuck,Lottie.Nottoobig,nottoosmall,tightlittlenipplesthatbegmetotouchthem.Icouldspendhoursjustplayingwithyourtits.”
“Hoursseemsexcessive.”Myheadfallsbackashesitsupandbringshismouthtomybreast.Hesuckstightlyonmynippleand…that’sit.Thescruffofhisjawrubbingagainstmysensitiveskincombinedwiththeintimatefeelingofhislipsonmynipplesendsacrazyripofpleasuredownmyspineandallthewaytomycurledtoes.
“Hoursarenecessary.”Hemoveshismouthtomyotherbreastandpaysasmuchattentiontothatnippleashedidtheother.
Myhandfloatstothebackofhishead,andIholdhiminplace,notwantinghimtostopdoingwhathe’sdoing,becauseitlightsmeup,makesmefeelalive.
Thepatterofrainaroundusheightensthemood,aswellasthewaythewaterrunsoverourtwobodies,soakingourclothes,ourhair,ourskin.It’serotic.Theonlythingthatcouldmakethisbetterwouldbeifwewerebothcompletelynaked.
“God,Huxley,”Igroanwhenhetugsonmynipplewithhisteeth.“Iwantmore.”
Hetakesthatasasigntoflipmetomyback,layingmeacrossthecold,wetsurfaceoftheteak-woodflooring.Hisgorgeousbodyhoversabovemine,blockingtherainfallfromhittingmeintheface.Hischestripplesaboveme,hishair’swetwithdroplets,andhiseyesaresointensewithneedthatIfindmyselfspreadingmylegs.
Hepositionshimselfbetweenthem,hislargeframecausingmetomakeevenmoreroom.Helowershispelvistomine,andwhentheytouch,immediategratificationstrikesmeinthechest.
Yes.
Hefeelssomuchbetterlikethis.
Heavyagainstme.
Hardasstone.
Buthe’stheoneincontrol,somethingI’vecometolovewhenhetouchesme.Iwanthimtoownme,ownmybody,andmakemeforgeteverythingaroundus.
“Iwantyourshortsoff,”hesaysinatorturedtone.
Hepusheshishandthroughhishair,soppingthewateraway,andliftsoffmeonlyenoughtopulldownonmyshorts.Ihelphimremovethemwithaliftofmyhips,andoncethey’reoff,hedropsthemtothesideandpositionshimselfagainstmeagain.
I’veneverbeennakedintherain.
AndI’mgoingtobehonest,itmightbemynewfavoritething.
It’sexciting.
Daring.
Erotic.
Huxleyhoversoverme,theonlythingbetweenushisshorts,andtheydonothingtohidehismassiveerection.
“Iloveseeingyoulikethis,”hesays,“submittingtome.I’veneverseenanythingsexierinmylife.Thisisit,righthere,younaked,wet,legsspread,waitingforme.”Hewetshislips.“Howmuchdoyouwantme?”
“MorethanIcaretoadmit,”Isay,loopingmyhandbehindhisneck.
“Stillhateme?”
“No.”
“Stillwanttohelpme?”
“DoIevenhaveachoice?”Iask,wonderingwherethisquestioningiscomingfrom.
Heflasheshiseyestome.“EvenifIdon’twanttoadmitit,youalwayshaveachoice.”Herubshislengthalongmyarousedclit.OhGod,thatfeelstoofreakinggood.Myhandtremblesagainsthisneckashereachesuptomybreastandteasesitwithhisfingers.Lookingmeintheeyes,hesays,“Ifyoutoldme,tomorrow,youwantout,I’ddestroythecontract.”
Hethrustsagainstme.
“What?”Igaspashepushesagain,andagain,andagain.“OhGod,”Imoan,hispacestirringpleasuredeepwithinme.“Wh-why?”
“Because,”hesays,thrustingagain.Icatchthetensioninhisshoulders.He’sholdingback.Fromthethickveinsinhisneckandthetightclenchofhisjaw,hecouldgivemore,wantstogivemore.“Eventhoughyoumightnotbelieveit,Iwantyoutobehappy.”Hethrustsagain,andmybackarchesasmybodypulses.Begs.“Idon’twanttotrapyou.”Anotherthrust.Twomore,that’sallit’sgoingtotake.“Idon’twantyoutofeeltrapped.”Thrust.
“Yes,God,yes,Huxley.”Igriphimandmeethisthrustswithmyown.I’mrightthere,ontheedge.Pleasurepoolsatthebaseofmyspine,thiseuphoricfeelingamplifyingwitheverypushofhiserectionagainstmyclit.
Soclose.
God,I’msoclose.
“Ijustwantyouhappy,”hesays,andIhearhim.
I’mlisteningtoeverythinghe’ssayingtome,butit’snotquiteregisteringinmyhead.
Hiswordsaren’tmakingsense,becauseallIcanfocusonisteeteringontheedgeofmyorgasmandwantingtofallover.Iwanttofalloverwithhim.
“Howcloseareyou?”Iaskhim.
“Right…there,”hegroans.
“Thentakeit,takeme.Harder,Huxley.”
Hesmoothshishanddowntomyass,wherehegripsmetightlyandpullsmeallthewayagainsthim,intensifyingtheconnection.That’sallittakes.
OnethrustandI’mdone.
Everylastounceofpleasuregathers,coils,intothecenterofmybody,onlytoberippedintomillionsofjoyouspiecesasmybodycombustsunderneathhim.
“Oh,fuck,”Iyell.“Yes,Huxley.”
“Jesus,”hemuttersashedrivesharderandharderuntilhestills,groansloudly,andthencollapsesontopofme.
Hepropshisweightupwithonearmontheground,buthisheadtiltsdown,ourforeheadsconnecting.It’sascloseasourmouthshavebeenthisentiretime,makingmerealizethatthemanmighthavejustdry-humpedmetocompletion,butheneveroncelaidhislipsonmine.
Why?
MyeyessearchouthisandIcatchhimtakingafewlargebreathsbeforemakingeyecontactwithme.Raincontinuestofallonus,andinthedistance,Iheartherumbleofthunderforthefirsttimesincewe’vebeenouthere.
Huxleywipesthewateroffhisfacebeforeblinkingafewtimes.“Weshould,uh…getbackinside.”
“Yeah,”Isay,breathless,stillstaringupathim.ThepullbetweenusissodamnstrongthatIwantnothingmorethantoclingtohimandbecarriedtohisbed.
Butwhenhestandsandoffersmehishandtohelpmeup,Inoticeachangeinhim.Hesitation.Uneasiness.
AndI’mnotsureifthat’sagoodthingorabadthing.
Huxleytugsmequicklytowardthedoor,opensit,andhurriesmeinside.Thenhesnagsmygarmentsandguidesmedownthestairscarefully,makingsurewedon’tslip.Whenwereachthehallway,hetakesmyhandandmaneuversmetowardourbedrooms.I’mcuriouswhichwayhe’lltakeme—maybetohisshowersowecanwarmup?
Butthenhestopsinfrontofmybedroomdoorandletsgoofmyhand.Ourtimeisup.Withastepback,hegripshisneckandscansmynakedbody.“Youshouldtakeashower,getwarmedup.”
“Yeah,”Ianswerawkwardly.
“Doyouneedanything?”
You
Aconversation.
Someunderstandingofwhatthehellwe’redoing.
Maybeabriefrecapofthethingsyousaidupontheroof.
“Um,Idon’tthinkso,”Ianswer.
Henods.“Okay.Ifyouwant,Icanordersomethingfordinner.”
Ishakemyhead.“It’sokay.I’mnotveryhungry.”
“Sure.”Hetakesanotherstepback,andmyhopeplummetsasIseehimretreatonceagain.
Why?
Whydoeshedothis?
Whydoeshetakeonegiantleapforwardonlytotaketwostepsback?
AndwhydoIevencare?
Yeah,Iknow…Iknow.
Everyoneknows.Becausesomehow,someway,I’vestartedtocareabouthim.ChapterSeventeen
LOTTIE
“Whereareyou?”KelseyasksoverthephoneasIleanagainstthewhitebrickofthebreastpumpstore.
“Youdon’twanttoknow.”
“IfIdidn’t,Iwouldn’thaveasked.”
“Okay,I’matabreastpumpstore,waitingforEllietoshowupsowecanshoptogether.”
“Youwereright,Idon’twanttoknow.”
“Toldyou.”
“Aren’tyoualittleworriedyou’releadingthisgirlon?Sheseemstobegettingattachedtoyou—Imean,you’regoingbreastpumpshopping.”
“Iknow.”Inibbleonthecornerofmymouth.“Iactuallyfeelkindofbad,butIdon’tknowwhattodo.Idon’tlikefakingthispregnancysincesomanypeopletrysohardtogetpregnant,andthere’snowayinhellI’deveractasifI’dmiscarriedtoendallofthispregnancystuff.RememberAuntRina?ShehadfivemiscarriagesandholdingherhandthroughthemwithMomwasdevastating.ThemoreIthinkaboutit,themoreuncomfortableIfeel.”
“Somaybe…tellherthetruth.”
“Areyouinsane?Huxleywouldlosethedealforsure.”
“Whatareyougoingtodowhenyou’resupposedtostartshowingandyoudon’t?”
“Idon’tknow.Butyoudon’tstartshowinguntilaroundthirteenweeksorsowithyourfirstbaby,right?”Atleast,that’swhatIreadwhenIlookedituplastnight.Ipressmyhandtomyforehead.“God,I’minsuchamess.”
“Hasmorehappened?”
Ibitedownonmyindexfinger.Yesterday,Kelseywasgonemostofthedayrunningerrandsandinterviewinganothersuppliersincetheonewecontactedhasn’tgottenbacktousyet.Therefore,Ihaven’ttalkedtohermuch.
Actually,Ihaven’tspokentoheratall.
ShehasnoideawhathappenedthispastweekendwithHuxley.
Hell,Ibarelyhaveagrasponwhathappened,butthisissomethingI’dnormallytellmysisterrightaway.Butaftertherooftop,Iwasn’tsurewhattodo.Ifelt…weird.
Asifsomethingwasn’tright.
AndIknowitwasn’twhatIdid,butmoresowhathappenedafter.Iwantedmore,somuchmorewithhim,but,forthelifeofme,didn’tknowhowtoexpressit.He’sbeensohotandcoldwithme,soinconsistentwithhowhetreatsme,thatI’mscared.Ilikehim,alot,andI’munsurewhatthatmeansforus,forme.I’mnotsureifIcanmakeamove,ifIcantellhim.Ifheevenwantsmorewithme.
Hedidn’tkissmeonSundaywhenhehadtheperfectopportunitytodoso.Weweredrenchedfromtherain,andtherewasnothingaroundusbutnature.Ifhewasgoingtokissmeatanypointintime,itwould’vebeenthen,buthedidn’t,whichleadsmetobelievethathehasnodesiretoshiftthisrelationshipinanyway.He’stoldmehe’snotwantingtoblurthelines.He’salsotoldmehewantsmetobehappy.Butwhy?Whydoesthatmattertohim,ifIdon’treallymattertohim?
IjokedaboutouragreementreplicatingthatofPrettyWoman,mebeingthelesswhore-yversionofVivian,butinsteadofVivianbeingtheonewhodoesn’tkissonthelips…it’sHuxley.
AndifIlearnedanythingfromthatmovie,it’sthatkissingmeanssomuchmore.Itcarriesweight.KissingconnectsyouonanintimatelevelandHuxleydoesn’twantthat.It’sevident.Hemightwantmybody,buthedoesn’twantme.
Which,inreturn,makesmefeelweird.ButdoesthatmeanIwanthim?
“Lottie,youthere?”
“Yeah,sorry.”Iclearmythroat.God,whyamIgettingemotional?Ishouldn’tbegettingemotional.
“What’sgoingon?Didsomethinghappenthatyou’renottellingmeabout?”
Wincing,IlookuptotheskyasIsay,“I,uh,Imighthavedonesomethings.”
“Whatkindofthings?”
“Um,youknow,like…Imighthavegivenhimheadintheshower,andthenpossiblydry-humpedhimonaroof.”
“What?”Kelseyscreamsintothephone.“Lottie,areyouseriousrightnow?”
“IwishIwasn’t.”Iletoutadeepbreath.“God,Kelsey,Idon’tknowwhat’shappeningtome.Itallstartedwithourpitch.Hechoseus,Kelsey.HechoseusoverDave,andthat,God,thatcrippledme.WhenIsawDaveshowup,Ithoughtwe’dhavetoreschedule—thatourchancewasgoneagain—buthetookourmeetinginstead,likehepromised.ItputadentinthenegativethoughtsIhadoftheman.Andthen,thisweekend…”Iletoutadeepsighandrestmyheadagainstthebrick.“Hewasdifferent.Softer,didn’thavetheedgeheusuallydoes.Hejoked,laughed,teased.And,yeah…hedidmorethingsthanIcaretoadmit.”
“Holyshit,Lottie.Whatdoesthismean?”
Isqueezemyeyesshut,completelyshockedI’mabouttosaythisoutloud.“ItmeansIlikehim.”
“Wait…like…youlikehim,likehim?”
“Yeah.AndIshouldn’t.God,he’sbeensomercurial.Soupanddownandstraight-upassholishattimes,buthealsohasthisgivingheartIcan’tseemtoignore.”
“Oh,thesameheartIkepttellingyouabout?”
“Thisisyourfault.Youmademelookathimdifferently.”
“Thisisnotmyfault.You’retheonewhosetouttofindarichhusband.”
“Ididn’tthinkitwasactuallygoingtohappen,”Ihissintothephone.“Stufflikethatdoesn’tjustworkoutforme.”
“Okay,soyoulikehim,youputhispenisinyourmouth—whatnow?”
“Ihavenoclue.Idon’tknowhowtoactaroundhim.Notafterwhathappenedovertheweekend,andthere’sonethingIdidn’ttellyouabout.”
“Uh,whatelsecouldtherebe?Youdry-humpedhimontheroof.”She’ssilentforasecondandthensays,“Letmeguess—hehasabigpenis?”
“AsifGodcouldn’tstopwiththegoodlooks,hehadtoblesshimwiththepenisofallpenises.”
“Figuredasmuch.Amanwithsuchasterngazedoesn’thaveafloppynoodlebetweenhislegs.”
“Morelikeasteelrodmadetobuildskyscrapers.”
Kelseyletsoutalaugh.“Theimageryonthat…toomuch.”
“Butthatwasn’twhatIwasgoingtosay.”
“Obviously,”Kelseysays.“So,whatisit?”
Feelingslightlyembarrassed,Iturnsomysideispressedupagainstthebrick.Forsomereason,thepositionmakesmefeellessexposed.“He,uh…hedidn’tkissme.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Imean,duringallofourescapades,heneveroncekissedme.”
“Oh…”
“Oh?”Irepeat.“Thatdoesn’tsoundlikeagood‘oh,’thatsoundslikeasympathetic‘oh.’”
“Notonce?”
Mystomachtwists,andonceagain,myemotionsroarwithshame.“No,”Isaysolemnly.“Whatdoyouthinkthatmeans?”WhenKelseydoesn’tanswerrightaway,Iadd,“Thathe’sVivian-ingme,right?”
“Vivi-what?”
“Youknow,howinPrettyWoman,Viviandoesn’twanttokissEdward,oranyofherclients,becauseit’stoointimate?Ifeelasthoughthat’swhatHuxleyisdoing.”
“Oh,Igetit.”Kelseypauses,andIswearitfeelsasthoughI’mwaitingonpinsandneedlesforherresponse.“Idon’tknow,Lottie.”
“That’snotwhatyouweresupposedtosay,”Inearlyscreechintothephone.“Youweresupposedtosay‘no,that’snotitatall’.”
“I’mnotgoingtolietoyou.”
“God.”Ipressmyhandtomyforehead.“Lookatme.Ilikeaguywho’sVivian-ingme.Howdidthishappen?”
“Stupidluck?”
“Youarenothelpfultoday.I’mreallyfreakedout,Kels.Mystomachistwistedinknots,I—ugh…”
“What?”Kelseyasks.
AcarpullsuponthestreetandIrecognizeitimmediately.“Ellieishere.Ishouldgo.”
“Okay,I’msorrythatI’mnotbeingahelpfulsister.Honestly,allIcanthinktosayismaybejustseewhereitgoes.”
“Butthatcomplicatesthings.”
“Hatetotellyou,sis,butthingsarealreadycomplicated.Mightaswellseeifhe’sworthyourtime.”
“You’reconfusingme.”
“ThenI’mdoingmyjob.Loveyou,Lottie.”
Groaning,Isay,“Loveyou,Kelsey.”
IhangupthephonejustasElliepopsoutofthecarandwavesatmefrantically.
She’salittle…much…forme,butsheisincrediblynice.Idofeelbadaboutdeceivingher.Whycouldn’tIjusthavebeenthefakefiancée?WhydoIhavetobefakepregnanttoo?
“Oh,I’msogladyou’rehere,”Elliesaysasshecomesuptomeandgivesmeahugehug.“Areyouexcited?”
“Uh,youknow,thismightbealittlemuchforme,”Isayhonestly.“ButI’mmorethanhappytohelpyou.”
“Oh,areyouuncomfortable?”sheasks.
“Overwhelmedwitheverything.”There,notalie.Ireallyamoverwhelmed,especiallywithHuxley.
“Icanunderstandthatcompletely.”Shetakesmyhand.“Butdon’tworry,I’vegotyou.”Shechargesusintothestoreandallthewaytotheback,wherethere’sadesignatedareaofbreastpumps.Fakebreastsofallshapesandsizesandcolorslinethewall—goodforthem—andbelowthemaretheseweirdsuction-cupthingswithbottlesattheend.
Isthatwhat’ssupposedtogoonthebreast?
“Ilovethisplacesomuch,”Elliesays.“Whenmysisterwaspregnant,wewenttothesamestore,butinGeorgia—oh,youmightknowwhereitis,actually.OffCliveStreet?”
Uhhh…
Ohyeah,I’msupposedtobefromGeorgia.
Itapmychin.“Soundsfamiliar.”
“It’srightnexttoPeachesBakery.”
“Ohh,Peaches.”InodasifI’vebeenthereamilliontimes.
“Wouldn’tyoujustkillforoneoftheircupcakesrightnow?Whichonewasyourfavorite?”
OhGod.
Myfavorite.
Err…
Thinkofsomethingunoriginalthateverybakerywouldhave.
“Chocolate,”Isaywithanod.
Herfacecontortsinconfusion.“Chocolate?”
Ohfuck,dotheynothaveachocolateoption?Whatbakerydoesn’thavechocolateasanoption?Thatwouldbeabsolutelyludicrous.
“Well,youknow—”
Shenudgesmyshoulderwithalaugh.“Iwassureyouweregoingtosaytheircrumble-cakecupcake,asyoujustgivemethosevibes.”
NeverinamillionyearswouldIhavesaidcrumble-cakecupcake.
Ishrugplayfully.“Achocolategirlhere.”
“I’machocolategirlmyself.Haveyoutriedtheirpinkvelvetcupcake?Ihonestlydon’tunderstandhowitdiffersfromvanilla.”
“Iwasjustabouttosaythat,”IsayasIpickupafakebreastandexamineit.God,it’ssolifelike.“Whatdotheydo,justsplashsomefoodcoloringinitandcallitaday?”Iask.
“Totally.Buttheirpeachpie…”
Iwavemyhandather.“Todiefor.”
“Hello,ladies.Welcome,”asaleswomansays.“Doyouneedhelpwithanything?”
Elliespinsaroundwithasmileandsays,“Lookingatbreastpumps.I’mEllie,andthisismyfriendLottie.She’snotreadytofindaperfectfit,butI’mheretosqueezebreastsandfigureoutwhatworksforme.”
“Wonderful.I’mAnn,andI’manexpertwhenitcomestobreastpumps.Nowletmeseeyourbreasts.”
Uhh…
Elliegoestolifthertop—wow,justlikethat,noshame—butAnnsays,“No,no.JustpuffyourchestsoIcanhaveabetterlook.”
Ellielaughs.“Oh,okay.Iwasreadytostripdownforyou.”
Thatwasobvious.
Andentirelyunnecessary.
Annreachesoutandasks,“DoyoumindifItouch?”
“Pleasedo.It’swhyIcamehere.”Talkingtome,Elliesays,“Theycanfityouperfectlytoyourneeds,andyoucantestthemoutonthewallofbreaststoseehowtheywouldwork.”
Iglanceatthewallofbreasts.“Seemsasifyouhaveeverysizethere,”Isayawkwardly.
“Wedo,”AnnsaysasshefondlesEllie.Thisisweird,reallyfreakingweird.“Andyoucanadjusttheflowtoo.”
“The…uh,thewhatnow?”
“Theflow,”Elliesays.“Theyproduceactualliquid,soyoucangetthefullexperience.”
Whoonearthcomesupwithaplacelikethis?Floatingbreastsgluedtowallswithanactual“milk”flow.I’mconfused…anduncomfortablyintrigued.
“LikealmosteverywomanIcomeacross,there’sasizeabledifferencebetweenyourrightbreastandleft.”AnnliftsbothofEllie’sboobs.
“Yeah,guilty.Theleftjustcan’tseemtocatchup.”
“Nobreastsaresymmetrical,butsomewomenhavealargedifferenceandyou’reoneoftheluckyones.”
Ellielooksatme.“Whatboobisbiggeronyourbody?”
“Umm…”Igripmyboobs.“Ithinkmyright?”
“Ifyou’reright-handed,itprobablyisbigger,”Annsays.ShethenasksEllie,“CanIasknipplesize?”
“Whydon’tIjustshowyou?It’llbesomucheasier.”BeforeIcanevenexcusemyselftogivehersomeprivacy,Ellieliftshershirtandbraatthesametime,flashingbothmeandAnn.
Andthereareherboobs,justlikethat.
NowwhatthehellamIsupposedtodowiththis?DoIlook,doInotlook?DoIpretendtofindsomethingfascinatingontheground?DoIstareatthewallofbreasts?DoIpraythefloorswallowsmewhole?
Iwasnotmentallypreparedforthis.
“Oh,wow,youhavewonderfulnipples,”Annsays,andfromthecornerofmyeye,IseehergetincloseandpinchEllie’snipplebetweenherfingers.“Veryfirmnipple.Thatwillserveyouwell.”
“Oh,really?I’msohappytohearthat.Doyouhavefirmnipples,Lottie?”
“Huh?What?”Iask,glancingoveratEllie,butkeepingmyeyesnorth.“Sorry—these…books,”Ipickupabookfromatable.“Fascinating.Whatdidyousay?”
“Firmnipples.Doyouhavethem?”
Awkwardly,Ismoothmyhandovermybreasts,attemptingtofeelthemthroughmylayersofclothing—becausethis,thetoplesspartyhappeninginfrontofme,isnotsomethingI’llbejoining.“Well,youknow,Ihavesmallnipples.”
“Nipplesorareolas?”Annasks.
“Both.”
Shenods.“IthinkIhavetheperfectbreastpumpforyou,then.There’sonlyonethatworksgreatwithsmallnipples.Butforyou,Ellie,wehavesomechoicestomake,becausethesenipplesarejustspectacular.Lottie,comehere,feelthis.”
IwavemyhandatAnn.“Oh,youknow,that’sreallyokay.”Ilaugh.“Icanseefromhere.”IlookatEllie’sboobs.Andyup—bare,everythingbare.“Thoseforsurelookfirm.”Igiveherathumbsup.“Goodjobgrowing.”
Ellielaughs.“Isn’tshefun?Comeon,Lottie,justfeel.Youcanfeelwhatthebabywillbesuckingon.YouknowIdon’tcareatall.”
Shemightnotcare,butIdo.
“It’sveryeducational,”Annsays.“Youcanmimicthesuckingsensation.”
Ilaughandshakemyhead.“I’mallabouteducation,butIthinkI’mgoodwithnotsuckingmyfriend’snipple.”
AnnandElliebothlookateachotherandthenthrowbacktheirheadsandlaugh.
“Notwithyourmouth,”Annsays,grabbingmyhand.“Withyourfingers.”
Inaflash,myhandsmacksrightintoEllie’sleftbreastandherextremelyhardnipplerubsagainstmyfingers.
Thick,tight,just…asolidnip.
AndI’mtouchingit.
I’mtouchinganotherwoman’snipple.
Fondlingismorelikeit,asAnnmakesmemovemyfingersalloverit.
“Oo,thattickles,”Elliesays,andthat’sitforme.
Iyankmyhandawayandfoldmyarmsacrossmychest.“You’vegotsomebabysuckersthere,”Isay,tryingtomentallyblockthisdayalreadyfrommemory.
Huxleyisgoingtoowemebigtime.
“I’msoexcitedyouthinkso.”Ellielowershershirtandbra.“So,whatdoyouthink,Ann?Canwemilksomebreasts?”
“Youdidn’tcomeherenotto.”Annpatsmeontheshoulder.“Thisiswherethefunbegins.”
***
“Lottie?”Huxleycallsout.“Whereareyou?”
Idon’tsayanything.
Idon’tevenmove.
Instead,Isitinthelivingroom,onthemostcomfortablecouchI’veeversaton,stifflyperchedattheedge,handsinmylap,asIstareattheelaboratefireplacerightinfrontofme.
Therearenowordsforwhatmymorningwaslike.Nowordsatall.
Afterbeingsquirtedintheeyebyafakebreastgluedtoawall,I’vedonemyfairshareofadultingfortoday.
“Thereyouare,”Huxleysays,stoppinginthelivingroomdoorway.“IjustgotatextfromDave.HetoldmeElliewon’tstopravingaboutthismorning.”WhenIdon’tlookathim,Ihearhimshuffleacrossthefloortogetinmylineofsight.“Uh,everythingokay?”
Lipspressedtogether,Ishakemyhead.“Nope.Notevenclose.”
“Whathappened?”
“Itouchedherbareboob,Huxley.ItouchedEllie’sbareboob.”
“What?”heasksashetakesaseatonthecoffeetablesohe’ssittingacrossfromme.Hishandsomefacecomesintoview,butitdoesnothingtoeasethetensioninmyshoulders.“Whatdoyoumean,youtouchedherboob?”
“AndIgotsquirtedintheface.”
“Byherboob?”Huxleypracticallyyells.
“No,byaboobonthewall.”
Hesitstaller.“You’regoingtohavetorunthroughitforme,becauseI’mconfused.”
“AsamI.”Ipathisknee.“AsamI.”Iletoutadeepbreathandsay,“Idon’thaveitinmetorecountwhathappened.Justknow,ifIeverprovedhowseriousI’mtakingthisdeal,todaywouldbetheday.”
“Soundslikeit.”Guiltwashesoverhisface.“I’msorryyouhadtodothat.”
Isnapoutofmyfunkandconnectwithhiseyes.
Thereheis.
TheChipotleguy.
Rightthere.Thesternscowlonhisforeheadisgone.Theboyishcharmisbrimminginhiseyes.Andthewayhepullsonthebackofhisneck—unmistakable.
“It’sfine,”Isay.“Traumatizing.Iwillhavetobleachmyeyes,butI’llmakeit.”
Hesmirksandthenreachesbehindhimtohisbackpocket.That’swhenInoticehe’swearingjeansandsneakers.Well,hello,Mr.Casual.
“Igotsomethingforyou.”
“Youdid?”Iask.
Henodsandbringsarolled-uppieceoffabricoutinfrontofhim.
“Whatisit?”
Heunravelsitandholdsitup.“Thoughtyoumightlikeit.”
Infrontofmeisacream-colored,vintagerockbandT-shirtwithFleetwoodMaconthefront,theimagefromtheirRumoursalbum.
“OhmyGod.”Itakeitfromhim.“Thisisamazing.”Iholditoutandstudyit.
“Checkouttheback,”hesays.
Iturnitaroundandtakeinallthecitytourdates.
“Wait,isthisanoriginaltourshirt?”
“Yeah,”hesays.WhenIglanceup,Icatchtheprideinhiseyes.
“Holyshit,Huxley.Thisis…wow,thisisamazing.”Iclutchittomychest.“Thankyou.Thismeanssomuchtome.”
AndthisisexactlywhyI’mhavingsuchahardtime.BecausethethoughtfulnessbehindthisT-shirtonlymakesmelikehimthatmuchmore.Thegesturecracksopenmychestandpullsonmyheart,forcingmetolookathiminadifferentlight.
Herubshishandsonhislegs.“Gladyoulikeit.”Heglancestothesideanditalmostlooksasthoughhe’s…nervous.Nervousaboutwhat?“Iwasn’tsureifyouhadanythingelseplannedfortoday.Doyou?”
He’sactingreallyweird.
Verystrange.
NotlikethedemandingmanI’vecometoknowverywell.
“Uh,nothingonthedocket.Justtryingtoerasewhathappenedthismorning.”
Henodsandcontinuestorubhishandsonhisthighs.“Well,ifthat’sallyouhaveplanned,IwasthinkingImighttakeyousomewhere.”
Takemesomewhere?
Aninchofhopebloomsinmybelly.It’scoupledwithexcitement.
Ishe…isheaskingmeout?
Isthatwhyhe’snervous?
Isthatwhyhe’srockingbackandforth?
Becausehe’snervoustoaskmeout?
Don’tgetaheadofyourself,Lottie.Remember,hewouldn’tkissyouovertheweekend.Evenwhentherainwasdrippingoffhischestandhewasthrustingintoyou,hekepthislipstohimself.
Ichokedownmyrawemotionsandask,“Likeonadate?”
Hiseyeslandonmine.Andforatorturoussecond,I’mterrifiedIreadhimcompletelywrong,untilhesays,“Yeah,likeonadate.”
OhGod.He’sserious.
Thehonesty.
Theshadowofhopeinhiseyes.
Thenervoustickinhishands.
HowcouldIpossiblysayno?There’snowayIcouldsayno,notwhenmybodygravitatestowardhim,whenIcansensemyheartopeninguptohim,evenwhenItrytohideitorholdback.He’sgotmehooked.It’sundeniable.
I’mpositivelyhookedonthisman.
Itrytokeepmyemotionscasual,though.“Whatwereyouthinking?”
Hisnervousticksmorphintoaconfidentsmileashereachestopulloutsomethingelsefromhisbackpocket.Heholdsapieceofpaperinfrontofmeandthenflickshisfingerssotheonepieceofpaperinhishandturnsintotwo.“CaretogotoaFleetwoodMacconcertwithme?”
“What?”Ishout,standingfromthecouchandgrabbingtheticketstolookatthemclosely.“Noway.There’snoway…”Myeyesscanthetickets.“Holyshit,thesearetickets,thesearerealfuckingtickets.Huxley,didyouknowthesearerealtickets?”
Hechucklesashestandsaswell.“DoyouthinkI’dbuyfakeones?”
“No,Imean—Ijustthought,youknow,itwouldbelikeafaketicketandthenwegoonthepatioandplaythemusic,pretendingit’saconcert,butthesearereal.Theyhaveabarcodeonthem.”
“Thebarcodemakesallthedifference.”
Indisbelief,Istaredownatthetickets.“Ican’tbelievethis.Ididn’tknowtheyweregoingtobeinLosAngeles.I—Huxley…”Iglanceupathim.“Wait.ThisconcertisinPortland.”
HopefallsasIrealizethemistake.
Hetiltsupmychinandsays,“Iknow.Thejetisreadytotakeusonceyougetdressed.”
“Jet?”Iask.
Acockysmirkappearsonhisface.“Yeah,youdorealizeIhaveaprivatejet,right?Wecangowhereverwewant,whenwewant.”Hewinks,theconfidenceinfullswingnow.“That’swhathappenswhenyouhavearichfakefiancé.”
“Wait…sowe’reflyingtoPortlandtonightandwe’rereallygoingtogoseeFleetwoodMac…inconcert?”
Henods.“Yup.There’salsothisburgerplaceinPortlandcalledKillerBurger.Weshouldgotherefordinner.MaybeVoodooDoughnutfordessert.That’sifyou’reupforit.”
“Areyoukiddingme?”Inearlyshout.“OfcourseI’mupforit.”Ilookhimintheeyes.“Thankyou,Huxley.Thisis…”Icatchmybreath.“Thisisreallythoughtful.”
ThisiswhyI’mfallingforthisman.Thisrighthere.
Thatsmile.
Thatkindheart.
Thatattentive,sexymindofhis.
“Iwantedtodosomethingniceforyou.”Hepinchesmychinwithhisforefingerandthumb.“I’mreallygratefulforeverythingyou’vedoneforme.”Andforsomereason,thatcommentdiminishesmyhopethatthisissomethingmore.He’sgratefulfortheworkI’vedoneforhim.Deepsigh.Ican’tletthatruinmynight,though.Hemightnotbeinthesameheadspaceasme,butatleastIcanenjoytonight.Helooksathiswatch.“Thinkyoucangetreadyinhalfanhour?”
“Onit,”Isaywhilesqueezingtheshirttomychest.“Ihavetheperfectshortstowear—ugh,youtookmyclothesaway.Idon’thavejeanshorts.”
“Ihadyourclothesbroughtoverthismorning.Figuredyou’dwantsomethingcasualtoweartonight.Everythingisinyourroom.”
“Godblessyou.”Istandonmytoes,liftup,and,becauseIhaveadeathsentence,Iplaceakissonhisjaw.“Thankyou,Huxley.”
AndthenwithmyT-shirtinhand,IrunupthestairstomyroomsoIcangetdressed.Ican’tbelieveI’mabouttoseeFleetwoodMacinconcert.
Butmoreimportantly,Ican’tbelieveI’mgoingonadatewithHuxleyCane.
***
Kelsey:He’sflyingyoutoPortland?What?Foradate?WherecanIfindmyselfaHuxley?
Lottie:Hehastwobrothers.
Kelsey:Unlikeyou,Idon’tmixbusinesswithpleasure.Butenoughaboutthat.HOLYSHIT,Lottie,you’regoingtoseeFleetwoodMac.DidyoutellMom?
Lottie:Notyet.IfiguredI’dsendherapicture.
Kelsey:Wherearetheseats?Frontrow?
Lottie:Ididn’tevenlook.Probablynot.
Kelsey:He’sflyingyoutoPortlandinhisprivatejet.I’mprettysurehedidn’tmindspendingmoneyonexpensivetickets.
Lottie:Hehasthetickets,I’mgettingdressed.I’llletyouknowwheretheseatsarewhenIlookatthemagain.
Kelsey:Whatareyouwearing?
Lottie:HegavemeavintagetourT-shirtwiththeRumourscoveronthefront,soI’mwearingthatandmyrippedjeanshorts.Hairdownandcurled,andmybohohat.Ankleboots.
Kelsey:It’sperfect.Thinkhe’smakingamove?
Lottie:Ihonestlycan’tthinkaboutit.Iaskedhimifitwasadateandhesaidyes.ButhealsothankedmefortheworkI’vedone.ThiswaswhatIwasworriedabout.Ireallylikehim,andIdon’tthinkhereturnsthefeeling.
Kelsey:Thenjustenjoy.Maybethisistheolivebranch,himtryingtoconnectthetwoofyouonadifferentlevel.
Lottie:I’mnervous.Alltheteasing,thesexualtension,thatfelteasy,butadate?Thatjustfeelsalltooreal.
Kelsey:Becauseitisreal.Don’twasteyourtimeworryingaboutit.Justenjoyit,becausewhendoyouevergetwhiskedawayonaprivatejet?
Lottie:Never.
Kelsey:Exactly.Enjoythemoment,sis.Takelotsofpicturesandenjoyyourself.Iloveyou.
Lottie:Loveyou,too.ChapterEighteen
HUXLEY
“You’regrippingthearmrestprettytightly.Areyounervous?”
Lottielooksawayfromthewindowandsays,“Justneverbeenonaplanethissmall.It’sdifferent.”
She’ssittingacrossfromme,lookingsexyashellinshortdenimshorts,hervintageT-shirtthatshetiedinthebacksoitshowstwoinchesofhermidriff,andthatgoddamnhat,whichisdoingthingstomylibidoIneverexpected.Whenshecamedownthestairsinheroutfit,IknewIwasinforalongnightofstaringandappreciating,withthesecrethopethatwhenwe’reattheconcert,she’llletmeholdher.
“Wanttodosomethingtodistractyou?”
SheraisesabrowandIrollmyeyes.
“Nothinglikethat.”Ireachtothesidepanelofmyseatandpulloutapadofpaperandapen.There’satablebetweenussowehavetheperfectplayingspace.“WanttoplaysomeHangman?”
“IsthatHuxleyCanebrandedstationery?”
“JustCaneEnterprises.”
“God,youarerich.”
Ichuckle.“Iam.So,howaboutit?Wanttoplay?”
Cutely,shecracksherfingersandsays,“I’llhaveyouknow,I’manexpert.”
“Yeah,guesswe’llhavetoseeaboutthat.”
Idrawoutthegameboardandthenputspacesonthepaperformychosenword.
Lottietakeshertime,studyingthepaper.Hereyesshoottomine,thentothepaperandthenbacktomine.Sheleansbackinherchair,crossesherarms,andsays,“Pussy.”
Myeyesnearlybulgeoutofmysockets.“What?”
Shetapsthepaper.“That’syourword.Pussy.I’mright,aren’tI?”
Howtheactualfuck?
Shesmilesandchuckles.“I’mright.God,ItoldyouIwasgood.”Shetakesthepaperfrommeandfillsinmyblankspaces.“Areyouimpressed?”
“Terrified.”
ThelaughthatfallspastherlipsissogoddamnsexythatI’mtemptedtopullheracrossthistableandputheronmylap,whereIcankisshersenseless.
FuckdoIwanttotastethoselipsagain,desperately.ButforthefirsttimeinmylifewhenitcomestoawomanIlike…Ifeelunsure.Iwouldn’tsaywe’vehadthebesttrackrecordwhenitcomestogettingalong,norhasourrelationshipsofarbeenonefilledwithease.It’sbeentense,uncomfortableattimes,alie.That’snowaytostartarelationship,whichmakesmequestion,doessheevenwanttostartanythingwithme?Although,I’msureIsawhappinessinherexpressionwhensheaskedifthiswasadate.Ithink.
Shemarksdownsomespacesonthepaperandsays,“Okay,yourturn.”
Istudythesix-letterword.Glanceupather.Thenbackatthepaper.Igripmychinandsay,“O.”
Hereyesflashtomine,they’relitupwithhumorasshemarksOasthefirstletter.
Smilingwidelynow,Isay,“M.”
“Youknow.”Shetossesthepenatme.
“Orgasm.”Whensherollshereyes,Isay,“You’renottheonlyonegoodatthisgame.”
“Itseemsasthoughwe’rebothperverts.”Shepressesherhandtoherchest.“I’muncultured.What’syourexcuse?”
“Uncultured?”Ilaugh.“Whatmakesyouuncultured?”
Sherubsherfingerstogether.“Ididn’tgrowupwithmoney.”
“Moneyhasnothingtodowithit.Someoftherichestpeopleareunculturedswine.Completeassholes.Moneyhasnothingtodowithit.”
“Oh,thentellme,whatmakesaculturedperson?”
“Yourheart.Yourmind.Yoursoul.Ithasnothingtodowithstatusandeverythingtodowithwhoyouareasaperson.”
Thoughtfully,shetiltsherheadtotheside.“So,basedoffthosecriteria,wouldyousayI’mcultured?”
Givingherahardtime,Isay,“Well,yourheartisbeautiful.Yoursoulisspottedwithblack,butoverall,akindone,and,well,yourmind…that’sallkindsoffuckedup.”
Hermouthdropsopeninamusementasshestandsfromherseatandchargestowardme.Idon’tflinch.Whenshereachesouttopokemewithherrose-colorednail,Itakeherhandandpullherforwardsoshe’sforcedtositonmylap.
Sheplayfullyfightsme,pokingmeallovermychest.“I’llshowyouaspotted-blacksoul.”
Ichuckleandgainholdofherhands,onlytopinthematherside.
“Letgoofmeatonce.I’mattemptingtoproveapointtoyou.”
“Whatareyougoingtodo?Pokemetodeath?”
“Todeathseemsabitextreme,don’tyouthink,Huxley?”Shearchesabrow.“Abitdramatic.”
“You’retheonewhocameoverherewithyourfingers.HowamIsupposedtoknowwhatyou’redoing?”
“So,yourfirstinclinationisthatI’mgoingtopokeyoutodeath…todeath,Huxley.”
Ishrug.“Youdidharborsomestronghateformeatthebeginning.”
“Yeah,atthebeginning,butnotanymore.”
Mylipsturnupinagrin.“Notanymore,huh?”
Sherollshereyesandattemptstogetoffmylap.“I’mnotheretoboostyourego.”
Ikeepherfirmlyinplace.“I’dneverexpectyouto.Nowcuttingitdown,that’sanotherthing.”
“Someonehastokeepyougrounded.”
“Youdoadamngoodjobatit.”
“WouldyousayI’mthebestatit?”
Ireleaseherhandsandrestmypalmonherthigh.Shedoesn’tflee,butstaysinplace,whichIfuckinglike.“Betweenyouandmybrothers,it’satoughcompetition,butIthinkyouedgethemout.”
“Ishallwearmymedalwithhonor.”
“Mr.Cane,”thepilotsaysoverthespeaker.“We’llbelandingshortly.Pleasetakeyourseatandbuckleup.”
IpatLottie’sleg.“Areyoureadyforthis?”
Sheshakesherhead.“Idon’tthinkso,butitdoesn’tlooklikeIhavetimetopreparemyself.”Beforeshegetsoffmylap,shereachesoutandcupsmycheek.Herfacialfeaturesturnsoft,endearing,asshesays,“IfIforgettosayittonight,thankyou,Huxley.Thankyousomuchforthis.You’rereallymakingadreamofminecometrue.”
Iplacemyhandonhersandmoveittomymouthtokissherpalm.“You’rewelcome,Lottie.”
***
“I’msweating.”
“What?”Ilaugh.“Whatdoyoumeanyou’resweating?”
We’restandinginline,waitingtoentertheconcerthall,andthisisthefirstthingshe’ssaidtomesinceweleftthecarafterfinishingoffourdonuts.WesharedaburgerandfriesatKillerBurger,optingforthepeanutbutterburger,beforeweheadedovertoVoodooDoughnutandeachgotadonut,butsplitthem,sowecouldhaveatasteofeach.Lottie’sidea.Butshe’sbeensilenteversincethedonutswereconsumed.Iaskedheraquestionatonepoint,butshedidn’tanswer,instead,continuedtostareoutthewindow.Iwasn’tsurewhatwasgoingthroughherhead,soIchosetojustletherhaveherpeace.
Holdingontightlytomyhand,sheleansinclosetomeandsays,“I’msoexcited,Hux.I’msweaty.I’mnervous.Mybodydoesn’tknowwhattodowithitself.”
IlikeitwhenshecallsmeHux.Itsoundsgoodcomingfromherlips.
“Areyougoingtofangirlout?”
“Uh,yeah,”shesayswithconfidence.“Ifyoudidn’texpectthat,youclearlydon’tknowmeatall.AndIexpectyoutofangirloutaswell.”
“I’llgetmygirlyscreamready.”
Shechuckles.“WhatIwouldn’tgivetohearit.”ThedoorsopenandthecrowdgrowscloseraspeoplebegintofilterintothevintageArtDecobuilding.
“Beforeweheadin,wanttotakeapicturewiththemarquee?”Iask.She’snervous,soshemightsayno.
“Oh,greatidea,”sheanswers.
Thankfuck.
Itakemyphonefrommypocketandswitchittocameramode.Lottiecurlsagainstmysideandplacesherhandonmychest,andIanglethephonejustrighttocapturemyheight,herheight,andthemarqueeaboveus.
OnceItakeafew,Isay,“I’lltextyouthebestone.”
“Pleasedo.Iwanttosendonetomymom.She’sgoingtofreakout.”
“IssheaFleetwoodMacfantoo?”Ipocketmyphoneaswemoveclosertothebuilding.
“Yes.Shewastheonewhointroducedmetotheirmusic,basicallytoallthemusicIlove.”
“IfIknew,Iwould’veinvitedheraswell.”
“Stop.It’sbetterlikethis,makingherjealous.”Lottiesmiles,and…fuck…Ilikethatsmile.I’mobsessedwiththatsmile.
I’mobsessedwithher.
“Daughteroftheyear.”
“Ithinkso.”Shebumpsmyshoulderwithhers.“Whataboutyourbrothers?Aretheyjealous?”
“Theydon’tknowI’mhere.”
“Really?”sheasks,surprised.“Youdidn’ttellthem?”
Ishakemyhead.“No.”
Shepausesandasks,“Didn’twantthemtoknowaboutme?”
Iclutchherhandtightertoeaseanydoubtsthatmightbepoppingupinherhead.“Didn’twanttoheartheirI-told-you-so’s.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”sheasks,confused.
ThisisnottheplaceIwanttohavethisconversation,inathrongofpeople,butthankfully,we’reatthefrontofthelinesoIcanpresspauseonmyanswerasIhandtheticketattendantourtickets.Oncethey’rescanned,wewalkintotheconcerthall.Fromtheoutside,itstandsabovetherest,withitsgothic-stylecolumnssurroundingthemarquee,butontheinside,it’sdeckedoutingoldwallpaperfromfloortoceiling.Popsofadustysky-bluearecarvedintothepillarssurroundingthelobby,whilethefloorsareacolorfullyglazedtilethatmustbeoriginaltoitseraofbuild.Breathtaking.ArtDecoatitsfinest.
“Doyouwantadrink?”Iaskheraswemovetowardaconcessionstand.
“Uh,sure,”sheanswersquietly,andIknowtheshiftinhermoodisfromthequestionsheaskedthatwentunanswered.
Iworkherthroughthecrowdandfindaconcessionstandthatjustopened.Iorderusbothabeer,andthen,withthedrinksinhand,Iguidehertoourseats,whichareonthefirstrowofthemezzaninelevel,deadcenter.Theperfectview,inmyopinion.Justcloseenough,butnotsoclosethatwe’recraningournecks.
“Wow,thesearegreatseats,”shesays.
“Yeah,I’mpleasedwiththem.”
Shetakesaseat,andonceshe’ssettled,Ihandherabeerandthentakeaseataswell,beingsuretoturntowardher.EveryoneisstillfilteringintotheirseatssoItakethisopportunitytoelaborateonmyanswer.
Ijusthopeshe’sonthesamepageasme,becauseI’mabouttoputmyselfoutthere—putmypersonallifeoverbusiness—andthat’sfuckingterrifying.Whatifshedoesn’tfeelthesamewayaboutme?WhatifI’vebeenreadingherwrongthisentiretime?Ican’tkeeplivinginthisunknownsothere’sonlyonewaytofindout.
Isetmydrinkinthecupholderandreachforherhand,whichsheletsmetake.Ibringherknucklestomylipsandplaceagentlekissthere.Hercheeksstainwithahintofpinkasshesmilesatme.
“Mybrotherswereskepticalaboutoursituation.”Ilookherintheeyes.“TheytoldmetherewasnowayIwouldbeabletokeepthisstrictlyprofessional—ouragreement.”Irubthesideofmycheek,aboutofnerveshittingmeallatonce.Christ,man,justsayit.“Theywereright.AfterourfirstnighthangingoutwithEllieandDave,Iknewyouweredifferent.AndthenIhadatasteofyou,inthehallway,Igottowatchyoucomeapartonmyfingers,andIwasfuckingdone.Itriedtodenyit,toignoreit,butmyneedforyouhasgrowntoostrong,Lottie.”Withadeepbreath,Isay,“Iwantmorefromyou.AndIknowthiscrossesthelineofouragreement,butIcan’tpretendIdon’thavefeelingsforyou,becauseIdo.Ilikeyou,Lottie.Ilikeyoualot.”
“Iwasnotexpectingyoutosaythat.”Shetakesadeepbreath.Fuck,shedoesn’tfeelthesameway.
Shestandsfromherchair,andIpanicthatshe’sabouttoleave,butinstead,shesetsherbeerinhercupholderandtakesaseatonmylap.Sheplacesherhandonthebackofmyneckandplayswiththeshortstrandsofmyhair.
“Ilikeyoualot,too,Huxley.AndIwantyoutoknowhowpainfulthatisformetoadmit.”
IchuckleasI’mfilledwithrelief.
Herhandcupsmycheek.“You’veslowlywonmeoverwithyourheart,somethingIneverthoughtIwouldsay.Givenhowthingsfirststarted,Iwasn’tsuretherewasaheartinthatbarrelofachestofyours,butIknownowthatyouwerehidingit.”
“BecauseIdidn’twanttoshowyou.IwantedyoutothinkIwascold,soulless,justamantoworkwith,nothingelse.”
Shechuckles.“Well,youdidagoodjobatthat,buttoobadforyou,Ihavepeopleinmylifewholiketopointoutthegoodinyou.Whichtheypointedouttome.Iwantedtodenyit,Iwantedtothinkitwasn’ttrue,thatyoursoulwasn’tjustspottedblack,butencompassedbyit.Iwaswrong.”Sheshakesherheadandletsoutacurtlaugh.“God,Ithoughtyoudidn’tlikemeatall,thatmaybeIwasjustatoytoyou.”
“Whythehellwouldyouthinkthat?”Iask.
Shyly,shemovesherhandovermyshirtasshesays,“Becausethisweekend,whenwewereintimate,youneverkissedme.”
Foragoddamnreason.
Itiltherchinupsoshe’sforcedtolookmeintheeyes.“BecauseIknewifIdid,Iwouldn’tbeabletostop.”Iwetmylips,movingcloser.“Andhonestly,Iwasn’tsureyouevenwantedmetokissyou.”
“Ido,”shesays,hervoicesoundingbreathless.“Idon’tthinkI’veeverwantedsomethingasmuchasIwantyoutokissme.”Herhandfallstomycheek.“You’vecommandedmybody,Huxley,nowIwantyoutocommandmymouth.”
There’snowayinhellIcandenymyselfnow,notwiththatconfession,notwiththewayshe’spullingmecloser.
No,Iwantthis.Iwanther.
ThismightgoagainsteverygoddamnthingI’vesaidfromtheverybeginning,butitseemsasthoughit’sinevitable.There’snomoredenyingourattraction,ourneed,ouryearning.
It’soutintheopen,andI’mgoingtotakeadvantageofit.
Igentlyplacemyhandatthesideofherneck,andwithmythumb,tiltherchinupjustbeforeIlowermymouthtohers.
It’sasimplekissbutwithapowerfulpunchbehindit,packedwithpent-uprestraintanddesperation.
AndnowthatI’mnotinfrontofmybrothersorDave,Idon’thavetomakeashowofourkiss.Icanreallyletmyselfenjoy.
Enjoyhowbeautifullysoftherlipsare.
Enjoythefirmgripshehasonmycheek,keepingmestill,showingmehowmuchmoreshewantsfromme.
Enjoythesoftnoisesthatfallpastherlipswhensheneedstocatchherbreath
Mymouthmovesacrosshers,slowlyexploring.HertongueswipesagainstmylipsandIopenmymouthtoallowhertoexplore.Timidatfirst,hertonguegingerlystrokesmine,butasIgriphermoretightly,hertimidkissturnsmoredesperate,andbeforeIknowit,we’remakingout,inourchair,waitingfortheconcerttostart.
Herhandsnakesbehindmyheadandupintomyhair,whileImovemyotherhandtoherribcage,justbelowherbreast.I’mtemptedtocopafeel,toincreasethisburnbetweenus,butrightasIstarttomovemyhand,aguitarchordstrumsthroughspeakers.
WepullapartjustintimeforFleetwoodMactocomeontothestage.
What?
Noopeningband?
Noannouncement?
Just…heretheyare?
Theentireplaceeruptsincheers,andmycomfortablemake-outsessionturnsintoLottiehoppingoffmylapandthrowingherhandsintheairasshestartsjumpingupanddownandcheering.
Stillseatedinmyseat,IgivemyselfafewsecondstocollectmyselfbeforeIjoinher.
Lottie,she’s…hell,she’sfuckingspecial.AndIknewthatfromthefirsttimesheturnedmedown.Shewassomeoneinneed,yetsheonlythoughtabouthersister.Shedidn’twantherparentstobedisappointedinher,soshelookedoutforthemtoo.Shefoughtmeonthingsthatdeservedfightingmeon,andeventhoughIattemptedtodenyitfromthebeginning,Idon’tthinkthere’sachanceinhellI’llbeabletolethergo.
Andthatmeansonething:Ihavetomakethiswork.IwanttodateLottie,makeherfeelspecial,becausethat’swhatsheis—special.AndIsuspectshehasnoclue.Nothankstoher“friend”Angela.
Standingfrommychair,Iwrapmyarmaroundherandsettlemyhandonherstomach,keepingherclosetomejustasthechordsfor“Dreams”starttoplay.Lottieglancesupatme,tearsinhereyes.Shereachesforthebackofmyhead,bringsmedowntoher,andplacesapassionatekissacrossmylips,turningmeintoagoddamndesperateman,wantingsomuchmore.
Whenshepullsaway,shesays,“Thankyou,Huxley.Thankyousomuch.”
Ipressalightkisstotheendofhernose.“You’rewelcome,Lottie.”
Smilestillonherface,shespinsinmyarmsandleansintomyembrace.
AndwhileFleetwoodMacperforms,Lottieneverleavesmyside,nevershiftsaway.Sheswaystothemusicwithmewhilewesingtogether,lettingthenighttakeaholdofus.AndwhileI’vebeentomanyconcertsbefore—aprivatejetmakesitsoeasy—thisisoneofmybestconcertexperiences.Andit’sallaboutthegirlinmyarms.
***
“Mr.Cane,you’refreetoremoveyourseatbeltsandmoveaboutifyou’dlike,”thepilotsaysoverthespeaker.
Lottieiscurledupinherseat,staringatme,thebiggestsmileonherfacethatI’veeverseen.
“What?”Iask,unabletotakeitanymore.“Whydoyoukeepstaringatme?”
“BecauseIcannow.”
“Didn’tknowtherewasarulethatyoucouldn’tbefore.”
Shecutelytiltsherheadtotheside.Sheditchedherhatwhenwegotbackontheplane,andshetiedherhairupintoaponytailsoherhairwasoutofherface.“Thereiswhenallyoukeepsayingtomeoverandoveragainis‘contract,contract,contract.’”
Ichuckle.“Ihadaprotectiveshieldup.Can’tblamemeforthat.”
“Youweren’tlikethatwhenwefirstwentoutatChipotle.”
“BecauseIdidn’tknowtheeffectyou’dhaveonme,”Iadmit.“OnceIrealizedyouwereatemptationIcouldn’thave,Ishutdown.”
“Isee,”shesayswhilestandingfromherchair.Shewalksovertomeandsays,“AndwhatamInow?Stillatemptation?”
“Undeniably,”Ianswer.
Herfingermovesovermyshoulder.“Butyoucanhavemenow?”
“Youtellme,”Isay.
Smirking,shetakesmyhandinhersandpullsmeoutofmychairandtowardthebackoftheplane.Ipauseheratthedoorofthebedroomsituatedintheback.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Iaskher.
“WhatdoyouthinkI’mdoing?”sheasks,pushingthedooropenandwalkingbackwardintothespacewhileholdingmyhandandsmilingupatme.
“Lottie,youdon’thavetodothis.”
“Yousaythatasifit’sachore.”Shepullsmeintothebedroomwithherandshutsthedoorbehindme.HerhandsfalltothehemofmyT-shirt,andshepullsitupandovermyheadbeforedroppingitonthefloor.“IknowIdon’thavetodoanything.”Herhandsfalltomychest.“But,God,Huxley,doIwanttofeelyouinsideofme.”
Justlikethat,Igrowhard.
“Eversincethatnightwhenyoumademecomeonyourfingers,I’vewantedtoknowwhatitwouldbeliketocomealloveryourcock.”
“Fu-ck,”Imumble.
Herfingersdragdownmychesttothewaistbandofmyjeans.Sheundoesmypants,butinsteadofpushingthemdown,sheleavesthemhangingonmywaistandliftsherhandsaboveherhead.
“Undressme,Hux.”
Skinburningwithlustforthiswoman,Ireachforthehemofhershirtandpullitoverherhead.Idroptheshirtwithmineandtakeinthesee-throughblackbrashe’swearing.Hernipplesarepuckered,pushingagainstthethreadbarelace,andherbreathappearserraticasherchestrisesandfallsrapidly.
Eyesconnectedwithmine,shetakesmyhandsandputsthemonthefrontclaspofherbra.Idon’tbothertolookattheclaspasIundoit.Herbreastspushtheunhookedbraaway,andsheletsitslidedownherarmstotheground.
Ireachoutandpassmythumboveroneofhernipples.“YouhavethesexiestfuckingtitsI’veeverseen.Icouldspendhoursworshippingthem.”Ismoothmyhanddownherstomachtoherjeanshorts.Iundothemandpushthemdowntotheground,leavingherinjustherblacklacethong.“ButI’llwaittoworshipthemanotherday.Now…Ineedtobeinsideofyou.”Iturnheraroundandlayherupperhalfdownonthebed,keepingherlowerhalfarchedupforme.Itakethesidesofherthonganddragthemdownherlegsuntilshecanstepoutofitforme.
Iglidemyhandoverhernakedassandrelishinhernakedbody.
“Sogoddamnhot.”Isqueezeherassandthengiveitalightslap,pullingamoanstraightfromthedepthsofherthroat.“IfIweretoreachbetweenyourlegsrightnow,wouldIfindyouwet,readyforme?”
“Yes,”shegroans,pushingherassintomyhand.
“Thenspreadwiderforme.”
Shedoesjustthat,spreadingherlegsandthenstickingherasshigherintheair.
Iglidemythumbdownhercracktoherarousal,whereI’mrewardedwithherslickpussy.“Suchagoodgirl,”Isay,smoothingtwofingersoverherclit.Herhandscurlintofistsasshegathersthecomforterbeneathher.
“Don’tteaseme,Huxley.”
“DoyoureallythinkIwouldteaseyouatthispoint?Mycockisashardasstoneseeingyoulikethis.There’snowayI’dfuckingteaseyou.”
“Showmehowhard.”
Easy.Ipushmyjeansandbriefsdownandtakethemoff,alongwithmysocks.Mycockjoltsupward,hard…ready.Igripthebaseandtakeastepforwardtorubthetipalongherslickarousal.
“OhmyGod,”shesaysasshegripsthecomfortertighter.“Huxley,Iwantyouinsideme.Now.”
Iwanthertoo.Sofuckingbad.ButIwanttoseeher.
Igripherhipsandtwistheronthebedsoshe’sflippedtoherback.Shescootsupward,offeringmeroom,soIclimbontothemattressaswellandmovetowardtheheadboardwithher.She’swaitingforme,legsspreadandarmsopenwide,soIeasedownontoherandpropmybodyupwithmyforearms,whichcradleherhead.
“You’rebeautiful,Lottie.I’mnotsureI’veevertoldyouthat,butyouare.Fuckingbreathtaking.”
Hereyesgosoftasshereachesupandpressesherpalmtomycheek.“Thankyou,”shewhispersbeforepullingmymouthdowntohers.
Withafeatherlighttouch,shemovesherlipsagainstmineinatantalizing,teasingperformancegivingmealittle,butnotgivingmenearlyenoughofherdeliciousmouth.Igrowlinfrustration,whichcauseshertosmileandpullherlipsawayevenmore.
“Kissme,Lottie.Letmetastethoselips.”
“Yousoundasthoughyou’vebeenwantingtheselipsforalongtime.”
ImovemyhandclosertoherfacesoIcanfloatmyfingeroverhercheek.“Ihavebeen.Nowletmefuckingenjoy.”
Hersmilegrowsevenbrighterandshetugsonmynecksomymouthswoopsdownonhers,andIcaptureherlips,claimingherwithmykisses.
Mymouthmovesoverherswithsavageintensity,beggingherformorebutsavoringeverymoment.
Herhandmovestothebackofmyhead.Withmythrustingtongue,Ipartherlipssothatourtonguesclashinheatedpassion.
Ouroncecalm,leisurelykisshasnowturnedintosomethingfrantic,somethingcompletelycarnal.Hergriponthebackofmyheadgrowstighter.MyhandfallstoherjawandIholdhermouthinplace,gainingcontroloverthiskiss.
BecauseI’mfalling.
Inthismoment,withherlegsspreadandmyerectionrestingagainsthercenter,ourhandsholdingontightly,ourmouthsclaimingeachother…I’mfuckingfalling.Icanfeelitinmybones.
She’snotwhatIwasexpecting.
Butshe’severythingIfuckingwant.
Pullingmymouthaway,Ikissherchin,thenherjaw,thenthecolumnofhernecktohercollarbone.Herbodyshiftsundermine,andImovedowntoherbreasts,draggingmytonguealongherskin,untilImeetherpertnipple.ImassageherrightbreastasIpullherleftintomymouth,suckinghard.
“Yes,”shewhispers.“Yes,Huxley.”
Shepullsonthestrandsofmyhairasmyteethmassagehernipple.WhenInibble,ahissescapesherlips,followedbyadrawn-outmoan.
“I’msowet,”shewhispersandthentakesmyhandandbringsitbetweenherlips.“Feelme.FeelhowdrenchedIamforyou.”
Islidemyfingeracrossherpussy,andfuck,she’sright.She’sdripping.
Iliftoffherbreastsandhereyesconnectwithmine.“Iwantyou,”shesayssoftly.“Please,Huxley.”
“I’mallyours,baby,”IsayasIpressasweet,gentlekisstohermouth.
HerlegsspreadevenwidersoItaketheopportunitytosmoothmyhanddownherlegandthencarefullyliftituntilit’sdrapedovermyshoulder.
“Thatokay?”Iask,wantingtomakesureshe’scomfortable.
“Yes,sogood.”
“Perfect,”IsayasIgripmycockandteaseherentrancewithit.Shethrustsherhipstowardme,andIsmileathowimpatientsheis.
Hell,I’mjustasimpatient.
Imovemyhipsforwardandshiftmycockinsideherjustaninch.
Butthatinchisallittakes.
Herwarmthsucksmein,andIpushfarther,notgivinghermuchtimetoadjust.
“Fuck,”Imutter.“You’resogoddamnperfectforme.”Itakeadeepbreathandask,“Areyouokay?”
“More,”isallshesays.“Iwantmore,Huxley.”
Giventhegreenlight,IthrustallthewayinuntilIbottomout,unabletopushanyfarther.Shegroansashereyesflyshutandherchestarchestowardme.Itakethatmomenttobringherbreasttomymouthagain,wantingtomakesureshe’sasrelaxedaspossible,becauseI’mnotgoingtobeabletoholdbackverylong.Notwhenshefeelsthisgood.
Needingtofeelher,Islowlythrustintoher,whilemymouthplaysoverhertautnipples.
“You’resobig,”shesays,lettingoutadeepbreath.Thisrelaxeshermore,andI’mabletothrustfarther.
“Baby,youneedtorelaxsomemore,you’retense.”
“Thenbringthoselipsbacktomymouth,”shesays,pullingatmychinwithherfinger.
Idon’tautomaticallymoveuptoherlips.Idragmytonguealongherskinandpepperkissesupherneckandalongherjaw,leavingapathofpleasureinmywake.Iowneverylastinchofher.WhenIreachhermouth,Iwastenotimeintanglingourtonguestogether.
AndIfeelherrelaxevenmore.
Fuck.Ithrustagain,andIgodeeper,sodeepthatmyvisionnarrows.
“Yes,”shewhispersagainstmylips.
Mouthsconnected,Ipickupmypaceandthrustharder,quicker.
“Neverbeenthisgood,”Iadmitasmytempobecomesfrenzied.“Neverinmygoddamnlife.”
“Same,”shecries,herbackarchingmore,herlegclampingaroundmyshoulder.“OhGod,I’mgettingclose.More,Hux.”I’msoclose.Sofuckingclose.Sogood.
Ilowerherlegfrommyshoulder,pressherthighswideopen,andsay,“Holdyourlegs.”
Shedoes,andIbracemyselfonthemattressasIpoundintoherharder.
Myhipsarerelentless.Pushingandpushingandpushing.
Thepleasurebetweenusheightens.
Mybodybeginstofloatasthefirstrippleofpleasureshootsupmyspine.
“Fuck,Lottie.I’mgoingto—”
“Yes,”shemoansasherpussyclenchesaroundmycock.“You’remakingmecome.OhGod,Huxley.”
Withacryofabsolutepleasure,sogoddamnloudI’malmostpositivethepilotscanhearus,shecomesallovermycock,andIuseherspasmstopushmeovertheedgewhileshegaspsinsweetagony.
Myballstighten,andwithonefinalpulseofmyhips,myorgasmripsthroughmelikeagoddamnwreckingballthroughmyribcage.
Ittakesmybreathaway.
ItrocksmetomyverycoreasIcomeoverandoverinsideher.
ThelastingripplesofpleasurecasuallythrobupanddownmyspineasIcollapseontopofher.
Herarmswraparoundmybackandherhandsgentlycaressmyshouldersaswebothcatchourbreath.Afterafewseconds,Iliftupjustenoughsonotallofmyweightisontopofher,andIreachuptobrushmythumboverhercheek.
“Areyouokay?”Iask,worriedthatIwastoorough.
“I’mperfect,”sheanswerswithasatedsmile.Sheliftsupandpressesanotherkisstomylips.“I’mreallysoperfect,Huxley.”
Andshelookslikesheis.Headyeyes.Satisfiedsmile.Relaxedbody.
“Areweabletojustliehereforasecond?”sheasks.
“Aslongasyouwant.Letmejustgetsomethingtocleanusup.”Ipressonemorekisstoherlipsandthenliftoffher.There’sabathroomattachedtothebedroom,thankfully,soIwalkinthere,cleanupquickly,andthenwetawashclothforher.WhenIturntogobacktothebedroom,Idiscoverherstandinginthebathroomdoorway,wearingmyshirt.
Fuck.
Shelookssodamngoodwithherhairrumpled,comingloosefromherponytail,andasatisfiedexpressiononherface.
Iholdoutthewashcloth.“Here,”Isay.
Shepressesherhandtomychest,kissesmyjaw,andthentakesthewashclothandgoesintothebathroom.Givinghersomeprivacy,Istepintomyboxerbriefs,thenhopintobedandunderthecovers.Wehaveanhourbeforewehavetobebackinourseats.
Afterafewminutes,shecomesoutofthebathroom,lookingsexyashellinmyshirt,andcrawlsintobednexttome.Iopenmyarm,andshecurlsagainstme,herheadrestingonmyshoulderandherhandonmybarechest.Icurlmyarmaroundher,clutchinghertight.
Andjustlikethat,I’matakenman.
Fuckingbesotted.
ThisiswhatIwant.
Her,inmyarms.
Exactlylikethis.
It’sasifthelastfewweekshavebeenthemostintenseforeplayofmylife,becausetheendresult,Lottieinmyarms…yeah,thebestfuckingthingthatcouldhappen.
“I’monthepill,”shesayssoftly.
“Ifigured,”Isay,movingmyhandoverherhair.
“Idon’twantyouthinkingI’mtryingtotrapyou.”
“I’dneverassumesuchathing.Youhavetoomuchpridetoconsiderdoinganythinglikethat.”
“That’strue.”Shechuckles.“ButIthoughtI’dletyouknowanyway.”
“Thankyou.”Ikissherforeheadandclosemyeyes.
Afterafewbeatsofsilence,shesays,“CanIaskyousomething?”
“Anything,”Ianswer.Idon’tthinkI’veeverbeenthiscomfortable,thiscarefree,asIaminthismoment.
“Whenyousaidit’sneverbeenlikethis,didyoumeanthat?”
“Fuckyes,”Isaywithoutskippingabeat.“Iwouldn’tlieaboutshitlikethat.”
Sheliftsup,andIopenmyeyestofindherstaringatme.“AreyousayingI’mthebestyou’veeverhad?”
Ichuckle.“Lookingforatrophy?”
Imeanit’snotalie,sheisthebest,handsdown.AndIknowalotofthathastodowiththisconnectionIfeeltowardher.
“Iwouldn’tmindone.”
Iticklehersideandshesquirmsagainstme,laughing.
“Afterallyou’veputmethrough,I’dsayatrophywouldn’tkillyou.”
“Callitcharacterbuilding.”
Sherollshereyes.“Suchabusinessman-typethingtosay.”
“Getusedtoit.That’swhoyou’redatingnow.Abusinessman.”
Herbrowarchesinquestion.“Oh,arewedatingnow?”
“Yeah,”Ianswer.“Whatthehelldoyouthinktonightwas?”
“Aluckynightoutwithmyfakefiancé?”Shesmirks.
“Isthathowyouwanttoseeit?”Fuck.Ihopenot.
Sheshakesherhead.“No,Idon’twanttogobacktowhateveritwasthatwewere.Thatwasstressful.”She’sright.Itwasstressful.NotonlydidIhavemynormaljobtodo,butIfeltenormouspressuretobesomeoneI’mnotaroundher.I’mnotahard-heartedasshole.I’mreticent.Slowtoshowmyinnerself.Protective.Andyet,somehowshe’smanagedtopulldeeperpartsofmetothesurface.But,thankfuck,she’snottossingthatbackinmyface.Shewantsmoreofme…andIwanthertohaveit.Willingly.Gratefully.
“Sothen,we’redating.”
Shepauses,thinkingaboutitforasecond,andthenshechuckles.“NeverthoughtI’ddatemyfakefiancé,butthenagain,IneverthoughtI’ddohalfthethingsI’vedonesinceI’vemetyou.”
“Andwehaven’tevengottenstartedyet.”ChapterNineteen
LOTTIE
“I’mnervous.WhyamInervous?ShouldIbenervous?”ItwistmyhandsinfrontofmeasIpacetheentrywayofHuxley’shouse.
He’ssittingonthestairs,agrinspreadacrosshisface.
“AndIdon’tlikethatyou’refindingjoyinmypacing.”
Hechucklesandstands,thenstepsinfrontofmetokeepmefromwearingapathintohisbeautifulfloors.Hestillsmewithhishandstomyshouldersandthenliftsmychin.Onlytobenddownandplaceasoftkisstomylips.NotsureI’llevergettiredofreceivinghisaffection.
Ever.
“Youhavenothingtoworryabout.”
“Easyforyoutosay.Mymomalreadylovesyou,butI’veneverreallyspokentoyourbrothersbefore.Besidesafewpleasantries,they’restrangerstome.AndtheymustknowI’msomekindoflunaticforagreeingtobeyourfakefiancée.”Igripmyforehead.“God,whattheymustthinkofme.”Eyeswide,Iask,“DotheythinkI’magolddigger?BecauseI’mnot.I’llbreakupwithyourightnowtoprovethemwrong.”
“Theydon’tthinkyou’reagolddigger.Ifthey’rejudginganybody,they’rejudgingme.Trustme,I’vetakenenoughshitfromthemoverthepastweekaboutusgettingtogether.They’regoingtobeecstatictogettoknowyoubetter.”
“They’vegivenyoushit?”Iask.
“TheysaidfromtheverybeginningthatIlikedyoubutIwasindenial.So,basically,themjustrubbingitinmyface.”Heshrugshisshouldersasifit’snothing.
“Andtheyknowmymomthinkswe’reengaged?”
Henods.“They’rewellaware.Everyoneisgoingtoactasthoughwe’reengaged.”
Iblowoutadeepbreathandstepintohisembrace.
Hishandrubsupanddownmyback.“It’sgoingtobeokay,Lottie.”
“Whydidwethinkitwouldbeagoodideatohaveourfamiliesoverforabarbecue?Thisseemslikearecipefordisaster.”
“Ithoughtitwasbecauseyouwantedtotelleveryonehowamazingmycockis.”
MyheadshootsupandIcatchtheblatanthumorinhisexpression.“Whatiswrongwithyou?”
Hechuckles.“Tryingtolightenthemood,babe.It’sreallygoingtobeokay.”
“Andwhatifyourbrothersdon’tlikeme?”
“Theywill,trustme.Anyonewhocangivemeasmuchshitasyoudoandbringmetomyknees,they’regoingtolove.Iwouldn’tbesurprisediftheyshowedupwearingTeamLottieT-shirts.Trustme,they’refans.”
“TeamLottie.Ilikethesoundofthat.”Ipressakisstohisjaw.“Andyoustilldon’thaveanyregrets?”
Heshakeshishead.“None.”
It’sbeenalittleoveraweeksincetheconcert,sinceweconfessedourfeelings,sinceHuxleyCanetookmebystorm.Whenwegotbackhome,hebroughtmebacktohisbedroomandfuckedmeuntilwepassedout.Thenextday,hecalledinsick—ItoldKelseyI’dbeworkingfromHuxley’splace—andwespenttheentiredaygettingtoknoweachotheralloveragain.HetoldmeabouthowwhenhewasanEagleScout,heusedtoboastaboutittogetgirlstonoticehim.Sadly,noneofthemcared,whichmademelaughsohardIsnorted.AndItoldhimaboutthetimeIcaughtmymommakingoutwithJeffinthepantrywhentheyfirststarteddating,andhowMomsaidshelostherTicTacinhismouth.Shewastryingtofindit.WhichtheninspiredHuxleytoproceedtopushmeonmybackandsayhelostaTicTacaswell…
I’llbehonest,I’veneverhadthismuchsexinmylife.I’veneverbeencontortedthewayHuxleycontortsme.AndIneverknewthereweresomanysurfacesyoucanhavesexon.
Bathroomcounter.
Stairwaylanding.
Loungechairs.
Patiotable.
Fence.
Hoodofacar…
Basically,ifIcansitorleanonit,Huxleycanfuckmeonit,andhehas.
Andit’sbeenamazing.SoamazingthatIadmittedtoKelseyyesterdaythatI’membarrassinglyaddictedtohiscock.SobadthatanytimeIseehim,Icanpracticallyfeelhimalreadybetweenmylegs.Yup,I’velostitcompletely.
Andyet…it’snotjustthat.Infact,it’smakingmeseehowsuperficialmypreviousboyfriendswere.EspeciallyKen.God,Idatedanidiot.IknewHuxleyhadadeepersoulthanitseemedwhenIfirstmethim.AndI’vegottentoknowhim.Yes,hehaspretentiousbusinessgoalsandaspirations,buthe’salsogenerouswithhistime.Helooksforopportunitiestogrowhisemployeesbyofferinghisexpertisewhenthatbenefitsthem.Heencouragesgrowthinemployeeskills.Hesharedsomeofhisdrivewithme,anditgotmeevenmoreexcitedaboutopportunitiesforKelsey’scompany.AndforwhatI’mactuallycapableof.Hecomplimentedmeformybusinessacumen,andthatfeltextraordinary.Heisextraordinary.
Grabbingmebythehips,Huxleyasks,“Doyouhaveanyregrets?”
“Areyouserious?”Iask.“TheonlyregretIhaveisnotstrippingdownforyouondayone.”
Helaughs.“Prettysureyouhatedmetoomuchtostripdown.”
“Angrysexisbetterthannosex.”Ireachuptokisshimjustasthedoorbellrings.Istiffeninhisarmsandwhisper,“OhGod,they’rehere.”
“They’regoingtoloveyou.Ipromise.”Hekissesmeonelasttime,thentakesmyhandinhisandbringsmetothefrontdoor.Whenheopensit,herevealsBreakerandJP,bothholdingTupperwareandflowersintheirhands.
“Theresheis,”Breakersays,pushingthroughthedoor.“Thegirlwhoturnedourbrotherintoawalkingpileoflustymush.”
“Jesus,”Huxleymutters.
“Theseareforyou.”Breakerhandsmeflowersandthenpullsmeintoahug.
JPfollowsbehindhim,handingmeflowersaswell.“You’reagoddess,”hesays,givingmeahugaswell.“Wewantyoutotelluseverything.”
Huxleyinsertshimselfbetweenhisbrothersandseparatesus.“Thatwon’tbenecessary.Youknowenough.”
“Youcan’tprotectherallnight.Wewillgetheralone,andwe’llaskherembarrassingquestions.Weneedasmuchammoaswecanget,”JPsays.
There’saknockatthedoor.
Withawarningglare,Huxleysays,“Beonyourbestbehavior.”
Hisbrothersrolltheireyes—whichIthinkishilarious—andtheywalktowardthekitchenasHuxleyanswersthedoor.“Maura,Jeff,Kelsey,welcome.”
Huxleyswingsthedoorallthewayopen,revealingmyfamilyontheotherside.MommadehomemadechurrosandJeffbroughtafruitsaladIknowhespentatleastanhourmaking.Hetakeshisfruitsaladsseriously.Itshows.They’repositivelybeautifulandreallyfreakingdelicious.
“Thankyousomuchforhavingus.I’vebeenitchingtoseewhereourLottiehasbeenstaying,”MomsaysasshestepsinandgivesHuxleyahug.JeffoffershimahandshakeandKelseygiveshimafistbump,whichIthinkiskindoffunny.We’vehadtwomeetingswithCaneEnterprises,andeventhoughHuxleyisextremelyprofessional,BreakerandJPhavemadethebusinessrelationshipmoreeasygoing.IcanseethatintheeasymannerKelseyhasaroundHuxleynow.
Igivethemaquickhellobeforeweallheadbacktothekitchen.Reignpreparedaspreadoffood,whichhearrangedonthekitchenislandwhileHuxleyandIwerebusydoing…otherthings.
Theslidingglassdoorstothebackyardareopen,andthere’smusicplayingsoftlyinthebackground.
“Wow,”Momsaysinawe.“Yourplaceisspectacular.”
“Thankyou,”HuxleysayswhiletakingthefoodMomandJeffbrought.“CanIgetyouanythingtodrink?”
Overthepastweek,I’vecometoknowtherealHuxley.TheHuxleyIthoughtImetwhenweranintoeachotheronthesidewalk.Easygoing,fun.TheoncestiffandunapproachablemanIknewisnolongerinsight.Actually,theonlythingstiffabouthimishiscock.
Afterwe’reallsettled,pleasantriesandintroductionsbehindus,weheadouttothepatiowithourfoodandtakeaseatatthelargepatiotableonwhichHuxleyandIhavehadsexthreetimes.Butnooneneedstoknowthat.
Huxleyleansintomyearandwhispers,“Yourmomissittingintheexactsamespotwhereyoucamesohard,yousquirted.”
“Canyounot?”Iwhisperback,feelingmyfacegored.
Hechucklesandkissesmycheek.
“Whatareyouwhisperingaboutoverthere?”Kelsey,who’ssittingacrossfromme,asks.Theglintinhereyetellsmesheknowsexactlywhatwe’retalkingabout,becauseItoldheraboutourpatiotableescapades.
“Nothing,”Isay,glaringather.
“So,Jeff,areyougoingtotellthemthenews?”Momasks,thankfullychangingthesubject.
“Whatnews?”Iask,glancingdownthetableatJeff,who’spartakinginsomeofhisfruitsaladandReign’shomemademacaronicasserole.
ThetablegrowsquietasJeffsetsdownhisforkandliftshishead.“Ireceivedaletterinthemailyesterday.Apparently,someonecontactedthebeautificationcommitteeandsuggestedtheytakealookatourhouse.Theycamebylastweekwhilevisitingtheotherpropertiesandcongratulatedmeonawell-preservedyardwithexquisitedefinitionandcolorselectioninourplanters.”MomsqueezesJeff’sarm.
“Seriously?”Iask,incompleteshock.
Jeffnods,hissmilesolargethatit’scontagious.“Unfortunately,thehouseisn’twithintheboundariesofthecontest,buttheydidgivemeanhonoraryawardandsaidthey’dbeworkingwiththecityonexpandingtheboundarylinesoIcanpossiblybeincludedinthefuture.”
“Holyshit,”Isay.“That’samazing,Jeff.OhmyGod,you’veworkedsohard.”
Henodsagainandhiseyeswellup.HelooksatHuxleyandsays,“Thankyou,Huxley.I’mnotsureyouknowhowmuchthismeanstome.”
Huxley?
Iturnaroundtolookathim,andheoffersJeffasimplenod.“Ijustmadeaphonecall.Youdidallofthework.”
“Wait,youcalledthebeautificationcommittee?”
“Nothingtomakeabigdealabout,”hesaysunderhisbreath.“Congrats,Jeff.It’sawell-deservedhonor.”
Inthemostsincerevoice,Jeffsays,“Itmeanstheworldtometoberecognized,Huxley.Thankyou.”
Andthenthetablefallssilentasmymindswirlswiththisnewinformation.
Jeffheardfromthemyesterday.
Buttheydidtheirroundsaweektotwoweeksago.
Whichmeans…Huxleymusthavecalledthembeforeweweretogether,whenwewereateachother’sneckswithangerandfrustration.
Andhedidthat.Hecalled.
HeputthatsmileonJeff’sface.
“Huxley,”Iwhisper.
Hepicksupmyhand,placesakissacrossmyknuckles,andsays,“We’lltalkaboutitlater.”
***
“Pleasetellusyouhavesomeembarrassingstories,”JPsaysashetakesaseatacrossfrommeonalounger.Breakerjoinshim.
Iglanceoveratthepatio,whereHuxleyisindeepconversationwithJeffandmymom.Kelseyleftawhileagobecausesheclaimedshehadanotherengagement,butIsawrightthroughher.ShewasavoidingJPandhisflirtation.Frankly,Iwasenjoyingtheshow,butKelseycouldonlytakesomuch.
Hunkeringdownwiththeboys,Isay,“I’mnotsurethemaniscapableofdoinganythingembarrassing.”
“Obviouslyhe’sbeenabletoholdittogethersofarinfrontofyou.TrustmewhenIsay,themancanembarrasshimself.”
“Ohyeah?Whydon’tyoudelightmewithastory?”
BreakerandJPexchangeglances.“DidhementionthetimehedidapresentationatNYUaboutentrepreneurship,andtheentiretime,hisflywasundone?”
“What?”Ilaughoutloud.“No,hedidn’t.”
Breakernods.“Hedid.Attheendofhispresentation,oneofthedickheadcollegekidsaskedhimifhewashot.”
“OhGod.”Iclampmyhandovermymouth,giggling.
“Ofcourse,Huxleywasconfusedandanswerednoandaskedwhy.Thenthekidsaidbecausehedidn’tknowwhyelsehisflywouldbeundoneunlessitwasforacross-breeze.”
IburstoutinlaughteranddrawHuxley’sattentionawayfromhisconversation.Heeyeshisbrotherssuspiciously,andthere’snodoubtheknowswhathisbrothersaredoing.
“Whatdidhedo?”Iask.
Breakerrubshishandoverhisjaw,somethingI’venoticedHuxleydoesaswell.“Heofcoursewashumiliated.Zippeduphispants,clearedhisthroat,andthenthankedeveryonefortheirtimebeforebolting.Browasanepicdickfordaysafter,blamedusforsendinghimoutthereunzipped.”
“What?”Iask.
JPpresseshishandtohischest.“Exactly.Explaintoushowthat’sourfault.Arewesupposedtohoveroverhimlikeahelicoptermom?”JPshakeshishead.“No,notourjob.Beanadultmanandzipupyourpants.”
“Now,beforewegointoanymeeting,wealwayswhispertoHuxleytocheckhisfly.”
“Stop.Doyoureally?”Ichuckle.
Breakernods.“Yeah,hehatesussomuchforit,buttohellifwe’regoingtobeblamedagainforhismistake.”
“You’reprotectingyourself,”Isay.
“Exactly,”BreakersaystoJP.“Shegetsit.”
“Shegetswhat?”Huxleyasks,joiningus,mymomandJeffathisside.
“Nothing,”JPsays.“Thisisbetweenus.Nothingyouneedtoconcernyourselfabout.”
“Ifyou’retalkingtomygirl,I’mconcerned,”Huxleyresponds,whichofcoursemakesmeallweakinthekneesbecauseofthepossessivetoneheuses.
“Ooo,Ilikethissideofhim,”JPsays.Hestandsandslapshisbrotherontheshoulder.“AsmuchasIlovetalkingtoyourfiancéeaboutyourembarrassingmoments,Ineedtoheadout.”
“Metoo,”Breakersays.
“We’reheadedoutaswell,”Jeffsays.“Wecameovertosaybye.”
IstandandgiveJeffandmymomahug,makingsuretosqueezethemextratight.Itwasgoodseeingthemagain.I’vebeensowrappedupinmyhecticlifethatI’vemissedspendingtimewiththem.Hopefullythingsareslowingdownnow,though,sowecanplanmorethingslikethis.
Together,asagroup,weheadtothefrontdoor,whereweallexchangehugs,thank-yousandgoodbyes.Oncethedoorisshut,Huxleyturnstowardmeandasks,“Whatdidtheysaytoyou?”
Ichuckleandheadintothekitchentostartcleaningup.“Afraidtheysaidsomethingthatwoulddetermeawayfromyou?”
“Yes.”
“It’sgoingtotakealotmorethanastoryaboutyourflybeingdowntotearmeaway.”
Hegroansandleansagainstthecounter.“Theydidn’t.”
Ipinhimwithalook.“Wasitforthecross-breeze?”
Thelookinhiseyesisabsolutelymurderous,anditjustmakesmelaughevenmore.
“You’renolongerallowedtotalktothem.”
“Suchashame,”Isay.“Wegotalongverywell.”Sincewealreadytookcareofthefoodearlier,IjuststickthedishesinthedishwasherandthenturntowardHuxley.“I’dlovetotalktothemmore.Theyseemreallygrounded.”
“Yeah,I’msureyouwould.”WhenIclosethedishwasher,hecomesuptomeandtugsonmyhand,pullingmeinclose.“Didyouhavefuntoday?”
“Idid.”Ismoothmyhanduphischest.“ButIdohavetoaskyousomething.”
“What’sthat?”
“Thatphonecallyoumade—”
“It’snotabigdeal,Lottie.”Hestartstomoveaway,butIstophim.
“It’sabigdealtome.I’mnotsureyourealizethis,butyoumadeJeff’syear.Heworkssohardonourfrontyard,andtoberecognizedlikethat,itmeanseverythingtohim.”IforceHuxleytolookatme.“Whendidyoumakethephonecall?”
“Whydoesitmatter?”
“Becauseitdoes.Whendidyoumakeit?”
Heletsoutadeepsigh.“Idon’tknow,likefourweeksago.”
“Fourweeksago?”Iask,astonished.“Asin,rightafterwemet?”
Hepullsonhisneck.“Yeah,probablyaroundthen.ButlikeIsaid,itdoesn’tmatter.”
“That’swhereyou’rewrong,”Isay,reachinguptohimandgrippinghischeek.“Huxley,youdidthisoutofthekindnessofyourheart,becauseyouknewitmeantalottosomeoneelse.Notmanypeoplewouldstoptodosomethinglikethat.”
“Wedon’thavetomakeabigdealoutofthis.”
Ipauseandobservehim.Thefidgetinessofhisbody.Theinabilitytolookmeintheeyes.“Youdon’tacceptcomplimentsverywell,doyou?”
“Idon’tthinkit’snecessarytomakeabigdealoutofsomethingthat,inthegrandschemeofthings,wassmallonmyend.”
“Butitwasn’tsmall,”Icounter.“Itwasn’tsmallatall.YoumadeJeff,amansospecialtome,happy.Youtrulymadehisyear,Huxley.Ican’ttellyouhowgratefulIamforthat.”
Hegripsmyhipsandleansforward,pressingakisstomyforehead.“Ifyou’rehappy,thenI’mhappy.”
Hetakesmyhandandguidesmeupthestairstohisbedroom.Theentireway,Ikeepthinkingabouthowthingshavechanged,andsoquickly.Wewentfrombeingateachother’sthroatswithinsultstonotwantingtoleteachothergo.Kelseywasright—therereallyisafinelinebetweenloveandhate,andwecrossedoverit.
***
“Idon’tfeelcomfortablewiththis,”IsayaswewaitforDaveandEllietoshowup.“Weneedtotellthem.”
HuxleylooksjustasuncomfortableasIfeel.“Iknow,butIdon’tknowhowtofuckingdoit.Istillhaven’tsecuredthedeal,becausehekeepscancellingonme.”
We’rewaitingoutsideatallbrickbuildingforanewbornclass.Daveaskedifwewantedtojointhem,andofcourse,Huxley—stillonhisquesttosecureDave’sproperties—saidyes.Butnowthatwe’rehere,itdoesn’tfeelrightatall,especiallysincewe’reactuallytogethernow.
“Whatdoyouthinkhe’ddoifheactuallyknewthepregnancythingwasn’ttrue?”
“Idon’tknow,”Huxleysays,lookingouttowardthestreet.“I’mprettysurehe’dneverdobusinesswithme,becauseIlied.Andmyworstfearwouldbethenewsgettingouttoeveryonearoundus,allthepeopleIworkwith.Itcouldbeabsolutelydisastrous.”
“Yeah,Ican’timaginepeoplewantingtodobusinesswithyouafteryou’veclaimedafakefiancéeandchildallinoneday.”
“Doesn’tbodewellforme.”
Inudgehimwithmyshoulder.“IknowI’vesaiditbefore,butitwasaprettyidioticmove.”
Hechuckles,pullsmecloseragainsthischest,andkissesmeonthetopofthehead.“Yes,you’vemadethatstatementbefore.”
“Hey,youguys,overhere,”wehearDavesayfrombehindus.Together,weturnaroundtofindDaveandElliewearingjeansandmatchingwhitebutton-uptops,walkingtowarduswiththeirarmswrappedaroundeachother’swaists.Theyaresomethingelse.
Huxleyliftshishandinawaveandthenquietlysaystome,“I’llfigureoutawaytomakethisbetter,Ipromise.Let’sjustgetthroughtoday.”
“Okay.”Igivehimasqueeze,andthenwejoinDaveandEllie.
“Oh,wow,youlookamazing,”Elliesays,pullingmeintoahug.“You’repositivelyglowinginthisdress.”IchosetowearaflowydressjustincaseI’msupposedtobeshowing,whichI’mnot.“Isn’tsheglowing,Dave?”
“Sheis,”Davesayswithaslysmile.“Shelookslikeawomaninlove.”Inearlychokeonmyownsaliva.
IcoughafewtimesandHuxleyrubsmyback.“Youokay?”
“Yeah,sorry.”Icoughagain.“Justswallowedwrongforasecond.”Igathermyselfandsmileateveryone.“Uh,so,arewegoingin?”Ithumbtowardthedoorawkwardly.
“Yes,I’msoexcited.Iheardthedollsaresolifelikeinthisclassthattheyactuallypeeonyou.Doesn’tthatsoundthrilling?”
Keepingmycomposure,Ianswer,“Ohyes.Veryexcitedforthatsurprise.”AboutasexcitedasIwasforthefakebreastmilktoflyacrossmyface.
DaveandElliewalkinbeforeus,andHuxleyhangsbackforasecond,tuggingonmyhand.“Everythingokay?”heasks.
“Yeah,everythingisfine.Why?”Iask,pastingonasmile.
“Becauseyou’reactingweird.”
“AmI?”Iaskinahigh-pitchedtone.“IfeelasthoughI’mnormal.”
Hestudiesmeforafewbeatsbeforereachingforthedoorandopeningitforme.Handonmylowerback,heguidesmeintowhereDaveandElliearewaitingforus.Ellieholdsupababydollandsays,“Wegotourbaby.HisnameisEnoch.Isn’thedreamy?”
Dreamy?
It’sadoll.
IreallywanttoknowwhatspeciesEllieisbecausethere’snowayshe’shuman.Notevenclosetoit.She’sanoddone.
“Whatalovelybaby,”Isay.“Very…plasticky.”
Huxleytugsonmyarmtowardtheregistrationdesk.Helowershismouthtomyearandinanamusedtone,heasks,“Plasticky?”
Ichucklesoftly.“Idon’tknowhowtocomplimentafakebaby.”
“Hello,whoisthereservationunder?”thereceptionistasks.
“Mr.andMrs.Cane,”Huxleysays,shockingme.
“Ah,Ihaveyourighthere.Letmegograbyourbabyandsupplies.”
Whenshetakesoff,IturntoHuxleywithanarchedbrow.“Mr.andMrs.Cane?”
Hesmirks.“Hasaniceringtoit,don’tyouthink?”
“Uh…what?”Iask,abouttochokeonmysalivaagain.
Helaughsandtugsmeclosertohimtoplaceakissonthetopofmyhead.“Yourfearofbeingattachedtomeismakingmefeellikeagodtoday.”
Thereceptionistcomesbackoutandhandsusagirldoll.“HernameisJudith.She’sacrankyone.”
Judith?
Arewetakingcareofaseventy-year-old?
Itakethebabyandglancedownatit…
“GoodJesus,”Iwhisper.“She’smissinganeye.”
Thereceptionistnods.“Notallbabiesareperfect.”
“Butthisbabydoesn’tlookasthoughitwasbornlikethis,itlooksasthoughitwasmauledbyapackofcoyotes.”
“Morelikeabrothelofchihuahuas,”thereceptionistsays.“Judithhasbeenthroughalot,butIknowyoutwowilltakegreatcareofher.”Thereceptionistmotionstowardtheroom.“Hurryonin,theclasswillbestartingsoon.”
ItuckJudithinmyarmandturntowardEllieandDave,whoarecuddlingEnochasifhe’stheirown.Sorry,Judith,weprobablywon’tbehavingthesamebond.
“She’swhatnightmaresaremadeof,”Huxleywhispersinmyear.
“Iwouldn’tbesurprisedifsomehowshefindsawaytohitchitbackhomewithusandstareatusinthemiddleofthenightwhilewe’resleeping.”
Withhishandonmylowerback,Huxleysays,“IfIlookovermyshoulderasI’mpoundingintoyouandseeher,I’mtellingyourightnow,I’mgoingtoleaveyou.”
Iwhisperback,“Idon’tblameyou.”
“Areyouready?”Daveasks,lookingupfromcooingatEnoch.
“Weare,”Isay,eventhoughIhavenoideawhattoexpectorwhatHuxleygotusinto.
Asagroup,wewalkintotheroom,whichisfilledwithcouplesholdingbabies.Atleasttenothercouplesallhoverovertheirbabystations.Theonlytablesleftareoneinthebackandoneinthefront.
“Ifyoudon’tgetthatbacktable,I’llneversuckyourcockagain,”IwhispertoHuxley,whochucklesandmovesforwardinfrontofDave.
Handsout,hesays,“Ah,damn,looksasifwecan’tsitnexttoeachother.We’lltakethisbacktable.”
“Oh,whatashame,”Elliesays,scanningthetables.“Well,mightbeforthebest,IthinkourlittleEnochiscrushingonyourone-eyedJudith.”ElliewinksandthentakesofftowardthefrontwithDave.
IglanceupatHuxleyandask,“Doyouthinkthatwassarcastic?DoyouthinkshewashatingonJudith?”
“Doesitmatter?IthoughtyouwereterrifiedofJudith.”
“Iam,”Isayaswemakeourwaytothebacktable.“Butshe’sourstobeterrifiedof,nooneelse’s.”
“Ithinkyou’retakingthisbabythingtooseriously.”
“Areyousayingyou’renotactuallyheretolearntheinsandoutsoftakingcareofaninfant?”Iaskhim.
“I’mjusthopingthere’ssomekindofsnackbreak.”Heglancesaroundtheroom.“ButIdon’tseeasnacktable,soI’mguessingI’moutofluck.”
“WhydoIlikeyou?”
Leaningintowardmeandtalkingcloselytomyear,hesays,“Becauseyoucan’tgetenoughofmycock.”
“Ifonlythatwerethecase,”Ireplyastheinstructorwalksintotheroom.Wait…“IsthatHeaven?”
“Who’sHeaven?”Huxleyasks.
“Uh,theladywhomademedry-humpyouinfrontofabunchofstrangers.”
“OhJesus,”Huxleysays,tryingtogetabetterlookattheinstructor.“Fuck,Ithinkit’sher.ThankGodwe’reintheback.”
“Welcome,”Heavensays,hervoiceboomingthroughthespeakers.“I’msogladeveryonecouldjoinusonthiswonderfuljourneyofgettingtoknowyournewborn.Iseesomefamiliarfaces,andI’msureI’llseemoreasImakemywayaroundtheclassroomtoworkwitheachofyouindividually.”
“Oh,great,”Imutter.“I’msureshe’sgoingtobefocusingonusagain.”IglanceupatHuxley.“Youoweme,Hanley.”
“I’mstartingtorealizethat.”
“Now,pleasegoaheadandturnonyourbabies.Theswitchisontheirback.They’llwakeup,andwe’llgetstarted.”
IflipJudithoverandfindheronswitch.Imoveittotheright,turnherbackover,andthenwithoneeye,sheblinksatme.
Blinksagain.
Andthen…wails.
“DearChrist,”Isay,tossingheronthetable,whichonlymakesherwailevenlouder.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Huxleyasks.“You’redrawingattentiontous.”
“Notonpurpose.”
“Whyisshesoloud?”heasks,pickingherupbytheleg.
“Becauseshehasoneeyeandisn’thappyaboutlife,”Ianswerwhilelookingaround.“Idon’tthinkyoushouldholdherlikethat.”
“Likewhat?”
“Likeshe’sasnakeyoufoundonthetrail.”Inudgehim.“She’snotgoingtobite.Coddleher.”
“Easyforyoutosay,she’snotstaringatyouwithheroneeye.”ShewailsevenlouderandHuxleygrimaces.“Goodfuck,whathaspossessedthisthing?”
“Itdoesn’tlikebeingheldupsidedownlikethat,”Isay.
“Itdoesn’tknow.It’snotalive.”
“Saysthemanwho’sscaredoftheblinkingdoll.No,Ithinkithasasensor.Holditclosetoyou.”
“Maybeweshouldn’tcallJudithit,maybethat’shurtingherfeelings.”
“ThenholdJudithclosetoyou,”Isayasshescreamsevenlouder.
“Liketomychest?”
“Yes,”Isayinexasperation.“Likeanactualbaby,Huxley.”Judithwailsagain,andIcatchsightofHeavenwalkingtowardus.“Ohshit,Heaveniscominginthisdirection.Quick,coddleher.Coddleher,damnit.”
“Ugh,okay.”HuxleybringsJudithtohischestandholdsher,butthatdoesn’tstopherwailing.“She’sstillactinglikeawretchedcrotch.”
“Thenpather.”
“Pather?”heasks.
“Yes,youknow.Alighttaptotheback.Sootheher,Huxley.”
Awkwardly,hepatsJudith,whichonlymakesherscreammore.“It’spossessed.It’sbecauseshe’smissinganeye,there’snootherexplanation.”Hehandsmethedoll,whichIholdoutinfrontofme.Theplasticdollwails,blinks,andwailssomemore.
“Idon’tlikethisthing.”
“You’renotcoddlingit,”HuxleysaysasHeavendrawscloser.
“BecauseI’mafraidJudithisgoingtosuckmysoulrightfrommybodyifIbringherincloser.”
“Here,I’llpatherwhileyouholdher.”HuxleyreachesoutandpatsJudithonthebackafewtimes.
Afterthefourthpat,Judithstopscrying.
“OhmyGod,wedidit.”
“Didwe?”Huxleyasks,unsure.“Wouldshejuststoplikethat?”
“Ithinkso.Ithinkwesoothed—”
BeforeIcanfinishmysentence,I’msprayedinthefacewithsomesortofmilkyliquid.
“Ohfuck,”Huxleysays,jumpingbacktoavoidwhateverhellishliquidthedollisspewing.
“Getitoffme,getitoffme,”IyellasIruninplace,holdingJudithasfarawayfrommeaspossible.“OhmyGod,whydoesitsmell?”
“Ihaveawash—”Huxleymakesagaggingsound.“Jesusfuck,itsmellssobad.Whatisthat?”
“Idon’tknow,justgetitoffmyface.”
“Everythingokayoverhere?”Heaven’svoicecutsthroughthechaos.
Ipausemytheatricsandtrynottovomitfromtheputridsmellonmyface.“Judithisexperiencinganexorcism,”Isay.
“Icanseethat.Itseemsasthoughshe’snotfeelingwell.Isthathowyou’dholdababywho’snotfeelingwell?”
“ThisishowI’dholdababythatjustsprayedsourmilkallovermyface.She’sluckyshe’snotrollingonthegroundbyherself.”
Huxleywipesmyfacewithawashcloth,andIallowmyselftotakeadeepbreathoncemostoftheliquidisgone.
“Whydoesitsmell?”IaskHeaven,who’sstandinginfrontofuswithajudgeylookonherface.
“Wetrytomaketheexperienceasauthenticaspossible,whichiswhyI’daskthatyoutreatthebabylikearealone.”
“Iam.Iwasjustcaughtoffguard,Iwasn’texpectingfor—”
Judithgurgles.
Judithmakesanoddsound.
Andthen,tomyhorror,Judithstartsleakingsomethingbrown.
Withouteventhinking,Iscreech,dropJudithonthetable,andstepawayasafreshroundofputridstenchcomesfromJudith’splasticbottom.
Andofcourse,becauseshe’sSatan’sbaby,shewailssoloudthateveryoneislookingatusnow,evenDaveandEllie,whoarecoddlingEnoch.
Thisisnotgoingwell.
***
“I’msorry,”Iwhisperaswesitoutsideofthebuilding,cleanedup,thankfullyallremnantsofJudithwipedaway.
“Don’tbe,thatdollwaspossessed.”
“Yeah,butIgotuskickedoutoftheclass.”
AfterJudithhadanother“upsetbelly,”asHeavenlikedtocallit,Isworeatthedoll,whichcausedourevictionfromtheclassroom.
I’msorry,butifthatwasarealchild,Iprobablywould’vereactedthesameexactway,exceptthewholedroppingthebabything.ButIdoubtthere’soneparentouttherewhowould’vebeenabletokeeptheircoolastheywerebeingblastedbytheirbabyfromeveryhole.Pleaseshowmeoneparentwhowould’vebeenabletohandlethatsituationwithdignityandgrace.
None.
“Kickingusoutofclasswasaggressive,”Huxleysays.“Justbecauseofyourlitanyofswearwords?Frankly,Ithoughtitwasacolorfulcombination.”
Ileanagainsthimandpressakisstohischeek.“Iappreciateyouappreciatingmyabilitytocombineswearwords.”
ThedoortothebuildingopensandDaveandElliestepout,holdinghands.Whentheyspotus,theysmilewithapologeticlooks.
“Weweren’tsureifyoutwoleftornot,”Elliesays.“Thatwasabitofaroughsituationinthere.”
Huxleyhelpsmestandandplaceshisarmovermyshoulder,keepingmeclosetohim.“I’mnotsurewewereexpectingthingstobesovolatile,”Huxleysayswithhumorinhisvoice.
Davechuckles.“Idon’tthinkI’veeverseensuchastringofunfortunateeventsbefore.”Hesmirks.“Andcongratsontheswearwords.Quiteimpressive,Lottie.”
Ifeelmyfaceheatupwithembarrassment.IwassothrownoffbyJudiththatIcompletelyforgotaboutalldecorumandthepurposeofbeinginthedamnclasstobeginwith—toimpressDave.IreallyhopeIdidn’tjustscrewthingsupforHuxley.Thisdealthatseemstohavebeendraggedonforever.
“Sorryaboutthat.”Iwince.“IthinkIwassoovercomebythesmellthatIlostallabilitytoactlikeanormalhuman.”
“Noneedtoapologize,”Davesays.“I’mnotsureIwould’vebeenabletoholdittogetherifthesamethinghappenedtome.”
“Iwouldn’thavebeenableto,”Elliesays,restingherhandonherbelly.“I’mstarving.Wouldyouguyscaretojoinusforsomedinner?”
“Thatwouldbegreat,”IanswerforthebothofusbeforeHuxleycancomeupwithanexcuse.IthinkIoweittohimtogivethisoutingonemoreshot.
“Wonderful,”Elliesays.“Rightaroundtheblock,there’saquaintsandwichshopI’mobsessedwith.Doesthatsoundgood?”
Inod.“Leadtheway.”
DaveandEllietakeoff,butHuxleyholdsmebackafewsteps.Whisperingintomyear,hesays,“Youdon’thavetodothis.Iknowyouprobablywanttogethome.”Andshower.Yes,God,yes.But…
“Ioweittoyou,”Ianswer.
Hislipsrunovermyear,sendingchillsdownmyarm.“Youowemenothing.Iwanttomakesureyou’reokay.”
Ilinkmyfingerswithhis,twiningthemtogether.“Ipromise,I’mokay.Let’sseeifwecanmakeadentinthisdeal.”IwinkandlethimdrawmeincloseraswetrailbehindEllieandDave.Heleansawaysuddenlyandclearshisthroat
“Issomethingwrong?”
“Yeah,um…Idon’tthinkyougotallthebabyvomitoutofyourhair.”
Ohfuck.
***
“Don’tyoujustloveameatysandwich?”Ellieasks,takingaravenousbiteofherPhillycheesesteaksandwich.Cheesedripsoffherchinasshesmilesandchews.
DearGod.
“Iloveallthemeatinmymouth,”Ianswer,causingHuxleytosnortnexttome.Huh,Iguessthatdidn’tsoundquiteright.
“Sosadthatyouoptedforthesoup.Youcould’vereallychoweddownonthischeesesteak.”
Igotthechickennoodlesoupbecause,frankly,Ihadnoideawhatapregnantladycouldeat,andsinceEllieandDaveinsistedonusorderingfirst,Iwentwithsomethingneutral.Trustme,thatcheesesteaklooksphenomenal.
“Notsadatall,”Ianswer,scoopingupaspoonfuloftheboringbroth.“Lovemeagoodsoup.”Ishovelthespoonintomymouthandpretendtoenjoythelacklustermeal.
“Isthatso?”Daveasks.“Areyouabigsouper?”
“She’sobsessedwithsoup,”Huxleystepsintosay.He’sbeendonewithhissandwichforabitnow,havingoptedforsomethingsmallwithasidesalad.Hisarmisdrapedovermychairandhe’sbeencasuallytwirlingmyhairwithhisfinger.“Rememberthatbarleysoupyoumadeforusthatonenight?”
Uhhh…no.
Andfrankly,soupisehhh.I’mnotmuchofaheated-liquidperson.Ipreferaheartysandwich,sowhereishegoingwiththis?
“Oh,yeah,thebarleysoup,”Ianswer.
“Youusedawholejarofdriedbarley.”HuxleylaughsandturnstoDaveandEllie.“Itriedtobethedotingfiancéandeatit,butitwasn’tswallowable.”
“Oh,I’vehadmyfairshareofunswallowablethings,”Elliesays,lookingatDavewithacertainglintinhereye.Good…God!
Daveraiseshishandapologetically.“Notthebestcook…inanyaspect.”
Isitjustmeorarethesetwothrowingdownsexualinnuendos?
Iftheyare…gross!
“Andthentherewasthebeefandpotatostewyoumade,”Huxleycontinues,beingMr.Chattytoday.“Now,thatwasgood.”
Sincewe’rethrowingoutsexualinnuendos…
“BecauseI’mgreatathandlingmeat.”
Huxley’seyesfixonmine.“You’reverygoodatit.”
Westareateachother,smilesplayingonourlips.Ishethinkingaboutlastnight?BecauseIam.I’mthinkingabouthowIspentagoodtenminuteshandlinghismeatwhilehewrithedbeneathme,beggingforrelease.
“Oh,Dave,doyouseethat?”Ellieasks.
HuxleyandIbothsnapoutofouroglingandturntowardthecoupleoppositeus.
“Yep.”Davehasahugesmileonhisface.“Ithinkthat’sourcue,sweetheart.Weneedtoleavethesetwoalone.”
Ellienods.“Thosepregnancyhormonesarekickingin,andthey’reabouttoteareachother’sclothesoff.”
Imean,Iwouldn’tmindseeingHuxley’swell-builtchestrightnow.Atthesandwichshop,notsomuch,butyouknow,whenwegetbackhome.
“Youdon’thavetoleave,”Huxleysays,clearinghisthroat,buthisgriponmegrowstighter,morepossessive.
Davelaughs.“Ithinkwedo.”HeoffershishandtoHuxleyandasks,“Nextweek,thinkwecandiscussthisacquisition?”
HuxleystraightensandtakesDave’shand,givingitagoodshake.“Yes,I’llhaveKarlacallyoutoseewhenwe’rebothavailable.”
“Perfect.”Daveliftsmyhandandplacesakissonthebackofit.“Lottie,alwaysapleasuregettingtoseeyou.Goodluck…handlingyourmeat.”
Mycheeksflame.“Th-thankyou,”Isayawkwardly.
Elliegivesusaquickgoodbye,andoncethey’reoutoftherestaurant,Huxleyturnstowardme,ahugesmileonhisface.“Babe,didyouhearthat?”
Iloveitwhenhecallsmebabe.Itmeanshe’srelaxed,inagoodmood,andthestickhelikestowearuphisassmostofthetimehasbeentemporarilyremoved.
“Thathewantstomeetupwithyou?”Iask.
Henods,thatlopsidedgrinsodamnendearingthatIfindmyselfdrawingclosertohim.
“Ithinkhe’sreadytomakeadecision.Fuck,couldyouimagineifthisisallovernextweek?”
Mysmilefadesasrealizationhitsmesquareinthechest.Whatifthisisallovernextweek?IneverreallygavemuchthoughttowhatwouldhappenafterHuxleysecuredthedeal.Iknowwe’resortofdating,butdoIleavehishouse?I’mmakingsomemoneynowthatKelseyandIwerepaidanadvancebyCaneEnterprisesforourwork.DoesthatmeanIcouldaffordmyownplacenow?
“That,uh,thatwouldbegreat,”Ianswerwithasmile,butmymindiswandering.Myheadisswarmingwithwhatifitreallyisallover?
Nolongerhungry,IpackupmysoupandletHuxleyknowI’mreadytoleave.Hetextshisdriver,whomeetsusoutside.Together,weheadoutoftherestaurantandstraighttothewaitingcar,wherewetakeaseatintheback.Ibuckleupandlookoutthewindow,willingmyemotionstostayascalmaspossible.
Theunknownisscary.
Beingunpreparedisevenscarier.
IneedtohaveaplanforwhenHuxleydoessecurethedeal.
Ihaveajob—thankfully.
Istillhavemyoldcarand,tomyknowledge,itstillworks,soIhaveawaytogetaround.
Schoolloansarepaidoff—that’sstillamiracle.
Huxleyhasalreadysaidhe’llgotothereunionwithme,soIdon’thavetoworryaboutthat.StickingittoAngelawillstillbeapossibility.
Butaplacetolive…
That’stheonethingIdon’thaveundercontrol.
Needingtocalmdowntheworry,IpullmyphoneoutofmypurseandgotoZillow,becausewhereelseshouldIlookforanapartment?AndIdoasearchforplacesinWestHollywood.Iwon’tbeabletoaffordanythingnearHuxley,butnearKelseywouldbegood.
Astudio,that’sallIneed.
Notabasementapartment,though,that’sjustaskingtobemurdered.
God,rentissohigh.That’sokay,Idon’thavemuchinthewayofbills.Spendmoreonrent,savebyforgoingluxuries.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Huxleyasks,theangrytoneofhisvoicecatchingmeoffguard.
Iglanceupathimandcatchtheconfusioninhisface.“Uh…”Keepingmyvoicedown,Iwhisper,“Lookingforaplace.”
“Whythehellwouldyoubedoingthat?”
Iturntowardhimnowandsay,“Well,ifyousecurethedeal,there’snoneedformeanymore.”
Hisbrowsnarrow.“Areyousayingyou’regoingtoleaveonceIsecurethedeal?”
“Isn’tthat—isn’tthatwhatyouwant?”Iask,completelyconfused.
“WhatIwantisyou.SowhythehellwouldIwantyoutoleave?”
“Uh…Idon’tknow,”Ianswer.“Imean,Iassumedwe’dstilldate,right?Isthatabadassumption?”
“That’sacorrectassumption.ButwhatIdon’tunderstandiswhyyou’retryingtoleave.”
“BecauseIdidn’tthinkyou’dstillwantmearound,”Iwhispertohim,notwantingthedrivertohearus,eventhoughthere’saprivacyshield.
Huxleygripsmychinandholdsmeinplaceashesays,“You’renotgoinganywhere.Youhearme?Whatwehavegoesbeyondthecontract.Tome,thecontractdoesn’texistanymore.What’sbetweenusnowisreal.Isitnotrealtoyou?”
“No,itis,”Isayquickly.“Ijustdidn’twantto,youknow,impose.”
Hechucklesandleansin,placingasoft,open-mouthedkisstomylips.Whenhepullsaway,hequietlysays,“Lottie,trustmewhenIsayyou’renotimposing.Iwantyouinmyhouse,inmyroom,inmybed.Iwantyouonmycouch,holdingmyhandwhilewatchingashowyou’veforcedmetoreluctantlybinge.Iwantyouinmypool,skinny-dippinglikeyouenjoysomuch.Iwantyouonmyroof,feelingtherainbounceoffyouduringastorm.Iwantyouatmydiningroomtable,eatingdinnernexttome,givingmeahardtimeforwhateverreasonyoucomeupwiththatday.”Heliftsmyknucklestohislipsandplacesasoftkisstothem.“Iwantyou,okay?”
Thesmilethatcrossesmylipsstretchesfromeartoear.“Okay.So,noapartmentsearching?”
“No,Jesus.”Hechuckleswhileshakinghishead.“Nomoregivingmeaheartattack.”
Ipressmypalmtohischeek.“Aw,youactasifyou’reattached.”
“Iam.I’mverymuchattachedtoyou,Lottie.Idon’tknowhowyoudidit,butI’maddicted.You’renotgoinganywhere.”
“Goodtoknow.”Inodcasually.“Verygoodtoknow.”
Iglanceathim,holdingbackmysmile.
Hesmirks.
Iattempttoplayitcool.
Hecallsmybluffandreachesouttotickleme,causingmetolaugh,rightbeforehecapturesmymouth,placingamufflingkissacrossmylips.Imeltintohisembraceandenjoyhimlayinghisclaim.
He’snottheonlyonewho’saddicted,becauseIneedthismanjustasmuchasheneedsme.Ineedhisteasing,hisannoyinghabits,andhisabilitytorilemeup.Ineedhiscaringheart,hisblessedsoul,andhisabilitytomakemefeelsafeandprotectedwithinthecomfortofhisarms.
Myfeelingschangedforhimsoquickly,likethesnapofafinger,whichmakesmewonder,didIalwaysfeellikethiswithhim?Weremytruefeelingsjustmaskedwithindifference?
FromhowmuchI’vefallenforthisman,myanswerisprobablygoingtobeayes
Yes,IdobelieveI’vealwayshadfeelingsforhim.I’vealwaysfeltdrawntohim.Aconnectionthat’sunmistakable.ButnowI’veliftedtheveil,andI’mabletoacknowledgethetruth.
InotonlylikeHuxleyCane,butI’mfallinginlovewithhim.ChapterTwenty
HUXLEY
Ipressmylipstothecurveofherneckasherhandglidesintomyhair.
“Yes,”shewhispers,beingquietforonce.
MyhandslidesupherstomachandcupsherbreastasIcontinuetopumpinandoutofher.
Iwokeupthismorningneedingmygirl.NotbecauseImissedher—shehasn’tleftmygoddamnsightunlessI’matwork—butbecauseIcravedher.Iwakeupeverymorningcravingher,andthankfully,shecravesmejustasmuch.
HardasstonewhenIwokeup,Imovedinclosebehindher,andIcanstillrememberthesoundofhermoanassheliftedonelegandletmein.
Thishastobeoneofmyfavoritepositions—lyingdown,fuckingherfrombehindassherestsonherpillow.
“Sogood,soclose,”Isay.
“Metoo,”shebreathesoutheavily.
There’snothingferalaboutwhatwe’redoingrightnow,morelikecomfort.It’slazy,butitfeelssofuckinggood.
IgiveherafewmorepumpsasIfeelhertighteningaroundme,andwhenIknowshe’sabouttofallover,Ipinchhernipple,andthat’sallittakeswithmygirl.Shescreamsmyname,tightens,andthensendsmeovertheedgeaswell.
Together,werideoutthewaveofeuphoriauntilwe’rebothsatedandbreathingheavily.
Idon’tmoveandneitherdoessheaswecatchourbreath.Icasuallyplaywithherbreastandpullherincloser.
“Theperfectwaytowakeup,”shesays,hervoicealldreamy.
“Yeah,I’moneluckysonofabitch.”
Shechucklesandrestsherhandovermine.“I’mluckythatyoucankeepupwithmylibido.”
“Areyousayingyou’remore…needy…thanme?”
“Doyounotrememberwhathappenedinthemiddleofthenight?”
HowcouldIforget?
Iwokeuptoherridingme.IhadnoideaIwashard,butapparentlyIwas,becauseinadreamyhaze,IopenedmyeyestofindLottiehoveringaboveme,hertitsbouncingbeautifullyassheusedmydicktomakeherselfcome.
HottestthingI’veeverexperienced.
“Idorecall.”Iplaceakissalongherneck.“NotsureI’lleverforgetthat.”
Pullingawayfromme,sheturnsinmyembraceandasks,“ShouldIbeembarrassed?”
Ilaughoutloud.“Babe,youshouldberewarded.Thatwasreallyhot.”
“Yeah?”
Inod.“Yeah.Please,feelfreetodothatagain,wheneveryouwant.”
Herfingersplayovermychest.“Youweresohardlastnight,youwokemeup,andeventhoughyouwerestillsleeping,allIcouldthinkaboutwashowitwouldfeeltoslideoveryou.”
“Andhowdiditfeel?”
“Amazing.”Sheglidesherlegovermineandherhandfallstomypec,herthumbpassingovermynipple.
“Ifyoukeepthatup,I’mnevergettingoutofthisbed.”
“Wouldthatbeabadthing?”
Igripherassandgiveitasqueeze.“YouandIbothhaveworktodo.Callinginsickwon’tworkanymore.Everyoneknowswewouldn’tactuallybesick.”
“Ugh,Ihatereal-worldresponsibilities.”
“Youandmeboth,”Isay,pressingakisstohernose.
Sighing,sherollsawayfrommeandgetsoutofbed,muchtomydismay.Iwashopingformorecuddletime.
Theshowerturnson,indicatingthestartoftheday.
Groaning,Igetoutofbedaswellandtrudgeacrossthehardwoodfloortothebathroom,whereIfindLottiestandingnexttotheshower,holdinguponeofhervibratorsandsportingamischievousgrin.
“Caretohavesomefunintheshower?”
Shedoesn’thavetoasktwice.
***
“Dude,areyoulistening?”
“Huh?”Iask,lookingatJP,wholooksmorethanirritatedwithme.
“I’mtryingtotalkaboutourbusinesshereandyoucan’tgivemetwosecondsbeforeyou’redaydreaming.”
“I’mnotdaydreaming,”Isay,eventhoughthat’sexactlywhatI’mdoing.IkeepthinkingaboutLottieandthewickedsmileshegavemebeforerubbinghervibratorupanddownmycock,makingmecomeinthirtyseconds—shecountedinherhead.
“Bullshit,”Breakersays.“Youhaven’tpaidattentiontoagoddamnthingwe’vehadtosaythisentiremeeting.”
“That’snottrueatall.”
“Oh?”Breakerasks.“Thenwhodidwesayisarrivinginfiveminutes?”
Someoneisarrivinginfiveminutes?
“Uhh…Karla?”Iask,soundingmorepatheticthanI’dlike.
Breakerrollshiseyes,whileJPthrowshisarmsupinannoyance.
There’saknockonmyofficedoor,andKarlastandstherewithhertabletinhand.“Mr.Cane,Mr.DwayneHernandezisheretoseeyou.”
“Thankyou,”IsaytoKarla.“Sendhimin.”Whenshetakesoff,Iquicklysaytomybrothers,“Dwayneisarriving.”
JPoffersmeaslowclap.“Wow,man.Impressive.”
Idon’thavetimeforasnarkyretort,becauseDwaynemakeshiswayintomyoffice.
I’vedoneplentyofbusinesswithDwayneinthepast.He’sagoodman,someoneItrust,someoneIwouldn’tminddoingmorebusinesswith,especiallysincehe’sleadingtheareainclean,sustainable,andon-timeconstruction.He’sourgo-toman.AndifIwerepayingattentionearlierratherthandaydreamingaboutLottie,I’dknowexactlywhyhe’shere.
ButI’vewingeditbefore.
Istandfrommydeskandroundit,welcomingtheman.
“Dwayne,it’sgoodtoseeyou.”Igivehimahandshake.
“Howareyou,man?”Dwayneasksbeforeshakingmybrothers’handsaswell.
“Good.Good.Please,takeaseat.”Ijointheminthesittingareaofmyoffice.
Dwayneunbuttonshissuitjacketandtakesaseat,hislargeframeeatingupmostofhischair.
“Howarethegirls?”Iaskhim.Prettysurehehaseight-,six-,andtwo-year-olddaughters.
“Theyhavemewrappedaroundtheirlittlefingers.WejustinstalledaslidetoourpoolyesterdayandIspentsomuchtimeinthewaterwiththemthatIthinkmyballshavebecomeraisins.”
Weletoutaheartylaugh.
“Butseeingthosesmilingfacesastheyflewintothewater—worthit.”
“Ibet,”Isay.“AndMaxine?She’sgood?”
Henodsandshiftsinhisseat.“Sheis.She,uh,she’spregnantagain.”
“Wow,that’sgreat,”Breakersays.“Howdoyoufeelaboutit?”
“Excited.”Dwaynerubshishandstogether.“Hopingforanothergirl.Maxinewantsaboy,butnotme.Iknowifwehaveaboy,he’sgoingtoendupbeingapunkjustlikeme.Iwanttohaveanothergirl,anotherangellikemywife.”
AndthisisexactlywhywehireDwayneforeveryjob.Becausehe’sjustanall-aroundgoodman.Afamilyman.Anhonestman.Amanwithintegrity.
“Youknow,havinganotherDwayneHernandezintheworldmightnotbeabadthing,”Isay.
“Yourflatterynevergoesunnoticed.”Hethenmotionshishandtomeandsays,“AndIguesscongratulationsareinordertoyou,or…fakecongratulations.”Helaughs.
Eh…what?
“Fakecongratulations?”Iask,confused,eventhoughIfeelasenseofdreadfallingoverme.
“Yeah.”Hechucklesandthenshiftsinhisseat.“HaddinnerwithDaveToneytheothernight,andhetoldmeallaboutyourfakeengagementandpregnancy.”Dwayneshakeshishead.“I’mnotsureI’dbeabletopulloffsomethinglikethatbutDavesaidyouwerekillingit.”
What.
The.
Actual.
Fuck?
BreakerandJPbothstareatmewithhorrifiedexpressions,mostlikelymirrorreplicasofmine.
“He,uh,hetoldyouthat?”Iask,unsureofwhatelsetosay.
“Yeah.Hesaidhehadnoclueuntilhisfiancée,Ellie,toldhimallaboutit.”
Mymindraces.MypulsehammersinmyheadasItrytowrapmymindaroundwhatDwayneisdivulging.
EllietoldDaveitwasfake?
Howcouldshehaveknown?
Unless…
No
Lottiewouldn’thavesaidanything.Right?
Herloyaltyiswithme.That’swhatshesaid.
But…
“But,yeah,theplanshehasfortheemptylotsdownonthesouthside—greatidea,”Dwaynecontinues.
Plans?
Thesouthside?
IshetalkingaboutthelotsI’mtryingtoacquire?
Aburningrageofconfusioneruptsinthepitofmystomach.
No,there’snofuckingway.
“Wasn’tsureIcouldfithimintomyschedule,butIputtogetheraquoteanyway.Dudeiskindofastrangeone.Haveyouspentmuchtimewithhim?”
Toomuchgoddamntime.AndnowIknowwhyhe’sbeenblowingoffmeetingswithme.Thebastard.
“Uh,yeah,”Isay,tryingtokeepmycomposure,butI’mnotdoingagoodjobofitassweatbreaksoutovermyupperlip.
“Solidguy,though,evenifhehashisquirks.”Dwayneclapshishandstogether.“Okay,shouldwegoovertheMalibuestate?”
“Um…”Iholdupmyfingerandstandfrommychair.“Wouldyoubeabletogivemeonesecond?”
“Ofcourse.”Hepullshisphonefromhissuitpocket.“Ifit’sokaywithyou,I’dliketocallMaxinetomakesureshe’sokay.There’samessagefromher,andasshewashavingoddbackpainthismorning,Iwanttocheckuponher,makesurealliswell.”
“AskKarlaforaccesstotheconferenceroom.She’llbemorethanhappytohelpyou.”
“Thankyou,”Dwaynesays,standingfromhischair.
Hemakeshiswayoutofmyoffice,andthemomentthedoorclicksshut,JPasks,“Whattheactualfuck?Daveknows?”
“FirstI’veheardofit,”Isay,pushingmyhandfranticallythroughmyhair.
“Howthehelldoesheknow?Youdidn’tsayanything,didyou?”
“Areyouinsane?DoyouthinkI’dtellhimthetruthwhiletryingtosecurethisdealwithhim?Adealitseemsasthoughhehasnointentionoftaking,seeinghehasplanstocapitalizeonourgoddamnidea.”Angrily,Istandfrommychairandstartpacingtheroom.
Heknows.
Davefuckingknows.
Andhe’stellingpeople,peopleIworkwith,ruiningmyreputation.
Myworstfearscometothesurface,pinningmeinthechestwithmortification.
“Whoelsedoyouthinkhetold?”Iask.“Fuck,thiscouldbebad.”
“Thiscouldbereallybad,”JPadds.“IfhetoldDwayne,thenhe’stoldothers.Dwayneiscoolenoughtolaughitoff,butIcouldn’tsaythatabouteveryoneweworkwith.”
“Especiallypeoplewemightwanttoworkwithinthefuture.”Igripmyhairwithbothhandsnow.“Fuck,he’sprobablyturningusintoalaughingstockwitheveryone.Whatthehelldowedonow?Ihaveameetingwithhimtomorrow.”
“Whatthehellfor?Clearly,he’snotgoingtosellustheproperties,”Breakersays,hisfacecontortedinaworriedexpression.Mystomachplummetsfromthatonelook.
Thisiswhatmybrothersfearedwouldhappen,thatmymistakeandignorancewouldcomebacktobiteusintheass.I’mnotonlyfuckingovermyself,butI’mfuckingthemoveraswell,andthathurtsmorethananything.
Throughthickandthin,they’vebeenthereforme.We’vecreatedthisbusinesstogether,fromthegroundup.We’vegrown,we’vebeenthroughtheachesandpainstogether,theupsanddowns,andthesuccesseswithminimalfailure.Ifthislietookmeoutindividually,thatwouldbesomethingI’dhavetolivewith,buttakingoutmybrothers…fuck,Ican’timaginecarryingthatburdenonmyshoulders.
“I…Idon’tknow.”
“Ithinkyouneedtofigureouthowhefoundout,”JPsays.
“AndhowdoIgoaboutdoingthat?”Ipinmybrotherswithalook,andIcanseeitontheirfaces.Thesamethoughtisgoingthroughtheirmindsthatpassedthroughmine.
“DwaynesaidEllieknew,”Breakersaysgently.“Ithink—”
Ishakemyhead.“Don’tsayit.”
“Youneedtoaskher,”JPsays.“YouneedtoconfrontLottie.”
Andthereitis,theelephantintheroom,theonethingIdidn’twanttoconsider.
“Idon’tthinkshesaidanything,”Isay,defendingher.
“Didn’tshehangoutwithEllieinthebeginning?Beforeyoutwowerearealcouple?”Breakerasks.
“Yes,butshewouldn’thavesaidanything.”
“Youdon’tthinkshemighthavesaidsomethingoutofspite?Youtwofoughtalotinthebeginning.I’mprettysureyousaidthereweretimeswhenyouthoughtsheactuallyhatedyou.”
ThereweretimeswhenIthinkshecouldbarelylookatme.Didn’tevenwanttobearoundme.
But…
“Shewasundercontract.”
“Sometimesthatdoesn’tmattertosomepeople,”Breakersays.HeglancesoverhisshouldertoseeifDwayneiscoming.“Eitherway,youneedtoaskher,becauseifitwasLottie,weneedtoknowexactlywhatshetoldEllie.”
“Fuck,”Isayasanervoustensionfillsmymuscles.
“Ihatetosayit,”JPadds,“especiallysinceIlikeLottiesomuch,buthehasapoint.Weneedtogettothebottomofthis.She’stheonlyoneIcanthinkofthatwouldhavethatcloseaconnectiontothetruthandtellEllie.”
Idragmyhandsovermyface.“Andwhatifshedidsaysomething?Thenwhat?”
Breakerleansbackinhischair.“ThenIthinkwecallitlikeitis—wewerefuckedover.Andnotsureifwe’regoingtorecover.”
Andthatrighttheresendsacoldchillofresentmentthroughmyveins.
Fuckwithme—fine.
Fuckwithmybrothers—that’sadifferentstory.ChapterTwenty-One
LOTTIE
“Whatdoyouthinkaboutthisdress?”IaskKelsey,holdingituptomybodywhilelookingatitinthemirror.
“Thatcolordoesnothingforyou,whichsurprisesme,sinceHuxleyseemstobeperfectatpickingoutclothesthatshowcaseyourbestfeatures.”
“Thisisoneofmydresses.”
“Thenthatmakessense.”
Rollingmyeyes,Itossthedressather,whichmakesherlaugh.
“Remindmewhyyou’regettingdressedupfordinner,again?Isn’titjustanothernormalnightinthiscrazy,dreamlikelifeyou’vebeenliving?”
IpickupapurpledressthathasadeepV-cutinthemiddleandholdituptomybody.Thisonemakesmyeyesstandout,andit’ssexy—justwhatIwant.
“Noparticularreason.”Ismirkandtakethedressoffthehanger.
“Uh,Idon’tbelievethatforasecond.”
Notcaringifmysisterseesmeinmybraandunderwear,IremovetheshirtIborrowedfromHuxleyandtossitonthebed,thenslipthedressovermyhipsandupmytorso.Isituatethestrapsonmyshoulder,adjustmyboobs,andthenlookinthemirror.
Yup.Thisisit.
“Canyouzipmeup?”ImovemyhairtothesidesoKelseyhaseasyaccesstothezipper.
Shestandsfromthebedandgripsthezipperofmydressbutdoesn’tpullituprightaway.“Whatareyouplanningtonight?”
Thenshezipsupthedress,andIwatchasthefabricclingstomysilhouette.God,it’sperfect.Huxleywilltearitoffinseconds,nodoubtinmymind.
“Nothing,”Isay,eventhoughthat’snotthetruth.
Kelsey,beingtheintuitivesisterthatsheis,turnsmetofaceherandgripsmyshoulders.“Talktome,now.”
Sighing,Iliebackonmybedandstareupattheceiling.“Ilovehim,Kels.”
“What?”sheasks,hervoicecomingouthigh-pitched.“Whatdidyousay?”
Iliftuptolookherintheeyes.“Ilovehim.”
Herjawdropsassheblinksafewtimes.“Youlovehim.Asin,youloveHuxleyCane,yourfakefiancé?”
“Yes,exactly.Ilovehim.”
“What?When?How?Imean,Iknowyou’redatingandthingshaveprogressed,butlove?”
Inod,totallysureofit.“Yeah,Ilovehim.Itfeelsasthoughitcameoutofnowhere,butthere’snodoubtinmymind.Youwereright—there’sathinlinebetweenloveandhate.Icrossedthatline.”
“Wow,just…”Shepauses,andwhenmyeyesconnectwithhers,shesmilesandthenreachesoutandpullsmeintoahug.“I’mhappyforyou,Lottie.”
“Thankyou.”Ireturnherembrace.
“Areyouplanningontellinghim?Isthatwhyyou’regettingalldressedup?”
“Yeah.”Ibitedownonmylip,nervesshootingupmyarms.“Doyouthinkthat’stooforward?”
“No.”Kelseyshakesherhead.“BecauseIthinkhehasthesamefeelingsforyou.”
Iperkup.“Youthinkso?”
“I’veseenhimbeforeyoutwoweretogetherandsince,andI’mtellingyourightnow,I’veneverseenamansointoawomanasHuxleyisintoyou.Heworshipsyou,Lottie.”
“Ithinkworshipisastrongword.”ButIstillsmirk,thinkingabouthowhewasreluctanttoleavemethismorningafterIplayedwithhimintheshower.IcanstillhearhisdeepgroansashecameonmychestwhileIranmyvibratoralonghisballs.
ItwasoneofthehottestthingsI’veeverseen,hisgodlikebodycontracting,straining.Everymusclevibratingashelostcontrolofallhissenses.I’vebeenreplayingthevisualinmyheadallday,tothepointthatIsenthimadirtytextlettinghimknowexactlywhatIwantedtodotohimwhenhegothome.Hehasn’trepliedyet,butthenagain,he’saverybusyman.
“Whenishesupposedtogethome?”
Iglanceattheclockonmynightstand.“Anytimenow.”
“Really?”Kelseyjumpsoffthebed.“ThenIshouldgetgoing.Idon’twanttobetheonewhointerruptsaspecialhomecoming.”Shesnagsherpurseandthensnatchesmeintoahug.“I’mhappyforyou.Huxleyisagoodguy;I’vesaiditfromthebeginning.Youbothareluckytohavestumbleduponeachother.”Shechuckles.“Stillcan’tbelieveyouwentlookingforarichhusbandandactuallyfoundone.”Withthat,shegivesmeonelasthugandthentakesoff.
Itakeanotherlookatmyselfinthemirror.There’snodoubtthisisthedressIshouldbewearing.Huxleyisgoingtoloveit.Theonlyquestionis—doIpairitwithshoesordoIgobarefoot?
KnowingHuxley,he’dwantheels.
IwalkintotheexpansiveclosetandtryonafewpairsbeforesettlingonapairofstrappyblackheelsIknowhe’lllove.IwalkovertomydresserwhereIkeepmyperfumeandspritzmyselfafewtimes.Ihearthefrontdooropenandclose.
He’shome.
Butterflieseruptinmystomach,knowingthisisahugestepforme.I’venevertoldaguyIlovedhimbefore,letalonebethefirsttoacknowledgefeelings.Butthere’ssomethingaboutthewayHuxleytalkstomewithsuchhonesty.Heinstillsconfidence…comfort,asafeplacetobeabletoexpressmyself.AndIdon’tthinkthere’sachanceinhellI’llbeabletogoanotherdaywithouttellinghimhowIfeel.LordknowsItoldthemanIhatedhimseveraltimes.
It’sabouttimeItoldhimIlovehim.
Iheaddownthestairs,beingcarefulnottoslipintheseheels,andworkmywaytotheentryway,whereIcatchHuxleystaringdownathisphone.
“Hey,you,”Isay,walkinguptohim.IplacemyhandonhischestandcurlagainsthimasIpressakisstohisjaw.
Insteadofwrappinghisarmaroundmywaistlikehenormallywould,orforcingmetokisshimonthelips,hestandstherestiff,almostunwelcoming.
Nervous,Ipullawayandask,“Iseverythingokay?”
Slowly,heliftshisheaduntilhiseyesconnectwithmine,andthat’swhenIseeit:thedisconnectinhisgaze.ThesamedisconnectIsawearlyon,whenhebarelytalkedtome,whenhewantednothingtodowithme.
ThisisnotthemanIleftthismorning.
Thisisnotthemanwhotextedmethismorningsayinghowhewishedhedidn’thavetogointowork.
AndthisisnotthemanIplannedontellingIlovehim.
“Huxley,”Iwhisper.“What’s…what’sgoingon?”
Hestuffshisphoneinhispantspocket,andIwatchasthemuscleinhisjawtensesashiseyesnarrowonme.
“Whatdidyousaytoher?”
“Saytowho?”Iask,completelyconfused.“SaytoKelsey?”
OhGod,shedidn’ttellhimanythingwetalkedabout,didshe?
No,she’dneversayanything.
“No,toEllie.”
“ToEllie?”Ifeelmyfacecontortwithcompleteconfusion.Whatonearthishetalkingabout?
Growling,hesays,“Yes,Lottie.WhatthefuckdidyousaytoEllie?”Hisvoicesoundslikevenom,lashingoutatme,spittinginmydirection.
ThiswasnotwhatIwasexpectingwhenHuxleycamehome.Honestly,ifhehadn’tbeenlookingdownathisphonewhenIsawhim,Iwould’veleaptintohisarms,soexcitedtoseehim.Buttheangervibratingoffhim,thehostility…Ihavenoideawhat’shappening.
“I…Idon’tknow,”Ianswer,myvoicestumblingwithnerves.
“Youmusthavesaidsomething,”heyells,pushingpastmewhilegrippingthebackofhishead.“BecauseDaveknows.”
Daveknows…
“Asin,heknowsaboutus?”Iask.
“Yeah,hefuckingknows,andguesswhotoldhim?Ellie.So,tellmewhatthefuckyousaidtoher,becausewhateveritwas,IneedtoknowsoIcanassessdamagecontrol.”
“Idon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout,Huxley.Ididn’tsayanythingtoheraboutus.”
“Don’tfuckingbullshitme,Lottie,”heyells.Hiseyesaredevoidofanylovingtendernesstowardme.They’reempty,asif…asifhe’salreadywrittenmeoff.“You’retheonlyonewho’sbeenalonewithEllie.You’retheonewhohatedmesomuchatthebeginningofallofthis,soIwouldn’tputitpastyoutosaysomethingtoherinconfidence.”
Wait…
Waitagoddamnsecond.
IsheactuallyaccusingmeoftellingEllieourentireengagementisahoax?Hecan’tpossiblybedoingthat.
ButwhenIlookhimintheeyes,takeinhisheavybreaths,thesteelinessofhisjaw,theemptinessofhiseyes…Iseethat’sexactlywhathe’sdoing
“YouthinkIsaidsomethingtoEllie?”Iask,justneedingtoconfirmhisassumption.
“Yes,”hesaysinanexasperatedtone.“Daveistellingpeopleaboutourfakeengagement,ruiningmyreputation,andIwanttoknowwhatyoutoldElliesoIcanseehowfuckedIreallyam.”
Yup,he’sblamingme.
HethinksI’dgobehindhisback.HethinksI’dsoeasilybetrayhimlikethat
Afterallofthoseconversationsaboutthecontract,afterallthosethreats,hereallybelievesIwouldn’tcare,thatI’dsaysomethinganyway.
Notonlydoesthatmakemeincrediblyangry,but…awaveofemotionclogsmythroat,becausethatbreaksmyheart.Thathe’dthinksolowlyofme.
Unabletomusterupthecouragetohavethisconversationwithhim,Iturnonmyheelsandwalkaway.Theearlysignsofapanicattackstarttosurfaceasmybreathshortensandmychesttightens.
Ican’tbelievethathethinksI’dsaysomething.Thathedoesn’ttrustme.
Istalkupthestairs.
Ihearhimcallout,“Wherethehelldoyouthinkyou’regoing?”
Idon’tstop,Idon’tevenstumbleasmyfeetmovefasterthanmybody.
Instead,Ipropelmyselfforward,andwhenIreachmyroom,Islammydoorandreachbehindmybackforthezipperofmydress.Istruggletoreachitforafewseconds,andjustasIgrabitandpulldown,unzippingmydress,thedoortomybedroomflingsopen.
“Areyougoingtoanswerme?”HuxleyasksasIstepoutofthedressandheels,leavingthemonthefloor.
IturntotheclosetandthrowonapairofjeanshortsandtheonlysimpleT-shirtinthere,whichistheFleetwoodMacshirthegotme.It’llhavetodo.Isliponapairofmysandalsandgrabmyphonefrommynightstand.I’mabouttostormpasthimwhenheblocksthedoor.
“Lottie,Ineedtofuckingknow.”
“Whydoyouneedtoknow?”Iaskhim.“Itseemstomeasthoughyou’vealreadymadeupyourmind.”
“Areyousayingyoudidn’tsayanything?”
“Thefactthatyouevenhavetoaskthatissoincrediblyinsulting.”
“That’snotananswer,”hesays.
“Youwantananswer?”Ireply,tryingtoholdontomycomposureasbestasIcan.“Fine,here’syouranswer.No,Ididn’tsayanythingtoEllie,because,despitewhatyoumightthinkofme,despitehowhorriblyyoutreatedmeinthebeginningofallofthis,Istillfounditwithinmyselftobeloyalandkeepoursecretjustthat…oursecret.”
Igotomovepasthim,buthestopsme.Hisfacialfeatureshavesoftenednow,andsohashisvoice.“You…youreallydidn’tsayanything,Lottie?”
“No.Ididn’t.”
Hiseyessearchmineandhisexpressionslowlyturnstooneofregret.
“Shit,Lottie.I’m—”
“Don’t,”Isay,holdingupmyhand.“Don’tevenbother.”Abletocatchhimoffguard,Islippasthimandheaddownthestairs,himtrailingbehindme.
Ibarelyregisterhispleadingformetostopoverthepoundingofmyownheart,overthesoundofitcracking,shattering.
Ithoughtwetrustedeachother.Ithoughtwe’destablishedaconnection,abondsostrongthatnothingcouldpenetrateit.Ithoughtweweremovingtowardmore,butapparently,Iwaswrong,because,withtheflipofaswitch,heturnedonme.
Howcouldhepossiblyeveraccusemeofsuchathing?HaveInotprovenmyself?HaveInotdoneeverythinghe’sasked,anddoneitexceptionallywell?HaveInotshownhowhecantrustme?
Ichargetowardthefrontdoor,whereHuxleycatchesuptome.
“Lottie,wait.”Hestepsinfrontofthedoor,hisbreathinglabored.“I’msorry.Okay?Thatwasstupidofmetoask.”
“Youdidn’tjustask,Huxley,youaccused.”
“Iknow.”Hepullsonhishair.“Iwasthrownoff,okay?Iwasn’texpectingtohearthatDaveknowsaboutthefakeengagement.”
“So,thefirstthingyoudoisblameme?”
“No,Imean—hell,IwastoldEllietoldhim.WhatwasIsupposedtothink?”
“Whatwereyousupposedtothink?”Iaskincredulously.“Youweresupposedtotrustme.YouweresupposedtoapproachmewiththeproblemsoIcouldhelpyoufindthesolution.Butyoushouldn’thavecomecharginginhere,blamingme.NotwhenIwas—”IcatchmyselfbeforeIadmittowhatIwasgoingtotellhimtonight.
“Notwhenwhat?”heasks.
Ishakemyhead.“Nothing.”Raisingmychin,tryingtobecalm,Isay,“Ishould’veknownthiswasalltoogoodtobetrue,thatyouweregoingtoenduphurtingmesomehow.”
Hetakesastepback.“Talkaboutfuckingassumptions.”
“Uh…didyounotjustdothat?Didyounotjusthurtme?”
“Notonpurpose.I’mkindoffuckedrightnow,Lottie.Incaseyouhaven’tnoticed.Thiscouldruinmyentirebusiness.”
“Maybeyoushould’vethoughtaboutthatbeforeyoustartedlyingtoeveryoneabouthavingafiancéeandbabyontheway.Thisisnoone’sfaultbutyourown.”
“I’ddoanythingtosecurethatdeal,”Huxleysays,snappingbackatme.
“Includingblamingmeforsomethingyoushould’veknownIneverwould’vedone.”
Hescrubshishandoverhisface.“Youhatedmeearlyon,Lottie.ItwasaquestionIhadtoask.”
“No,itwasn’t.”Iclosethespacebetweenusandpokehischest.“YoushouldknowI’dneverscrewsomeoneover,especiallywhenitcomestobusiness,notafterIwasfuckedoverbysomeoneIthoughtIcouldtrust.Ilosteverything,Huxley.AngelatookawaytheonethingIthoughtIwasgoodat,mademefeelsmallandnotworthagoddamnpenny.Shedenigratedme.Afterbeingtreatedsopoorly,havingeverythingrippedoutfromunderme,doyoureallythinkI’dturnaroundanddothattosomeoneelse?”Whenheglancesdownathisfeetinshame,Isay,“No,Iwouldn’t.Imighthavedislikedyouinthebeginning,butthatdislikewouldneverhaveenragedmetodosomethingaslowastellElliethetruthaboutus.”
Imovepasthimandopenthedoor.
“Lottie,stop.Whereareyougoing?”
ItypeoutatexttoKelseytellinghertocomegetme.Iknowshewon’taskanyquestions,she’lljustshowupandaskquestionslater.Ijustneedtogetoutofhere.Ican’tpossiblybearoundhim.
“Kelseyiscomingtogetme.”
“I’msorry,okay?Ilostmycool.Let’stalkthroughthis.”
“There’snothingtotalkabout,Huxley.”Icontinuetowalktowardthegate.
“So,you’releaving?Justlikethat?”
Iturntofacehim.“DoyouthinkIcanstayhere?”
“Itwasamiscommunication.”
Myeyesnearlybugoutofmyhead.“Howcanyoubesoapatheticaboutthis?”
“I’mnotbeingapathetic.I’mjusttryingtowrapmyheadaroundthis.”
“Well,wrapyourheadaroundthis,Huxley.Iwasplanningonexpressingmyfeelingsforyoutonight,andinsteadofmebeingabletodothat,youplacedblamewhereitshouldn’thavebeenplaced,toredownthetrustwebuiltbetweeneachother,andyoubrokemyheart.”
“Wait…what?”heasks,hiseyesgoingsoftwithregret.“Your…feelings?Whatfeelings?”
“Doesn’tmatteranymore,”Isayasatearfallsdownmycheek.Ididn’tevenknowmyeyeswereleaking.Iquicklywipeitaway,butnotbeforeHuxleycatchessightofit.
“Fuck,Lottie.I’msorry.I’mreallyfuckingsorry.Ishouldn’thavesaidwhatIsaidtonight.”
Imovetowardthegate,unabletolistentohimovertheroaringofmyheart.
“Please,stay.Wecanworkthisout.”
“Ican’t.”Ishakemyhead.Ifeelsofragileinthismoment.“Ineedsomespace.”
“Space?”HecatchesuptomeasIwalkthroughthegateandontothesidewalk,whereIwaitforKelsey.“Whatdoyoumean,youneedspace?Lottie,please,don’tdothis.Don’tleaveme.”
Kelsey’scarcomesintoview.
“Lottie.”HuxleyreachesformyhandbutIpullitaway.
“Don’t.”
“Justfuckingtalktome,please.Wecanworkthroughthis.Wedon’tneedspace.”
Iturnaroundtofacehimasthetearsgatheredstarttofallagain.“Icanbarelylookatyourightnow,Huxley.WhatmakesyouthinkIwanttostaywithyou?”
Caughtoffguardbymytears,herearsback,andit’sallIneedformyescapewhenKelseypullsup.Iopenthecardoorandstarttogetin,butHuxleysays,“Please,Lottie.Babe,don’tleave.”
Idon’tlisten.Igetin,shutthedoor,andbuckleup.
Kelseydoesn’tsayathing,justdrivesaway.Wedriveinsilenceallthewaytoherapartment.
EvenwhenmyphoneblowsupwithtextsfromHuxley,shedoesn’tsayanything.
Itisn’tuntilwe’reinherapartmentthatsheopenshermouth.
***
“God,Lottie,I’msosorry.”
Myeyesarepuffyatthispoint.
Ihavenomoretearslefttocry.
AndI’mcurledinaballonKelsey’sfloor,wrappedupinoneofherblankets.
“Idon’tunderstand,”Isayquietly.“Ithought…Ithoughthetrustedme.”
“Soundslikehewascaughtoffguard.”
Iglanceatherwithawarningstare.
Sheholdsupherhandsindefense.“I’mnotgivinghimanout,I’mjusttryingtounderstandwherehe’scomingfrom.Imean,couldyouimaginehearingthat?He’sworkedsohard,andforitalltojustblowupinhisface,hemustbestressed.”
“Hemostlikelyis,butthatdoesn’tgivehimtherighttolashoutatme.Heshould’vecomehomeandaskedmeforhelpratherthanaccuseme.Hebasicallythreweverythingwebuiltbetweeneachotherrightoutthewindow,asif…asifhisbusinessismoreimportantthanme.”Andthenithitsme.“Maybe…maybehisbusinessismoreimportantthanme.MaybeIdidn’tmatterasmuchtohimasIthoughtIdid.”Myliptrembles.“MaybeIlikedhimmorethanhelikedme.”
“No.”Kelseyshakesherhead.“That’snotthecase.Helikesyou,Lottie.Hecameafteryou.Isawhisface.Hewasdevastated.”Iwishthatwerethecase.
“Maybeoutwardlyheactedasthoughhecared,butsomeonewhocaresaboutanotherpersondoesn’ttreatthemthewayhetreatedme.”
Kelseysighsandleansbackonherbed.“CanIsaysomethingandyounothateme?”
“No.Ihavealltherighttohateyouforwhatevercomesoutofyourmouth.”
Kelseygrumblessomethingunderherbreathandthensays,“Ithinkyouneedtolookatthisfromhisperspective.Hejustfoundouthissecretwasn’tasecretafterall,thatwordisgettingaroundthathe’saliar.Hemostlikelyblackedoutandhadaone-trackmind.Hedidn’tthink,hejustreacted.”
Isitupfrommyballed-uppositiononthefloorandlookKelseyintheeyes.“Butthat’sthethingyou’renotgetting,Kelsey.Hereactedwithoutthinking,andhisreactionwastonottrustme.IwasabouttotellhimthatIlovedhim.ThathemakesmesoincrediblyhappyandeverydayI’mgratefultowakeupinhisarms.”Tearsflowdownmycheeks.“Buttohim,I’msomethinghe’swillingtothrowawayoveranassumption.Doyouseetheproblem?”
Slowly,Kelseyshakesherhead.“Yes,Iseetheproblem.Iwasn’tthinkingaboutitthatway.”Shegetsdownonthefloorandcrawlstowardmetoscoopmeintoahug.“I’msorry,Lottie.Ican’timaginehowmuchyou’rehurtingrightnow.”
“Toomuch,”Isaywithasniff.“Waytoomuch.”Iwipeatmytears.“IwishI’dneveragreedtoanyofthis.IwishI’dcalledhisbluff.IwishI’dnevergotteninvolved,becausenowIfeelmorebrokenthanever,ratherthanputtogether.”
Kelseybrushesherhandovermyhead,whichbringsbackthetears.WhatIsaidtoHuxleyaboutAngelawasn’twrong.Herbetrayalcutmedeeply,eventhoughshewassimplyactingaccordingtohercharacter.She’saspineless,manipulativeliar.ButIhadtrustedinHuxley’scharacter.Hisdetermined,intensenature.Unrelenting,yetdecent.NowIshouldbewonderinghowIcouldfallinlovewithsomeonewhopaidpeopletolieforhim.Whowrotecontractstocoveruphisbarefacedfiction,becausehisbusinessmeanteverythingtohim.There’ssomethingverywrongwithmethatIcouldlookpastthat.Thatwasourfoundation.
Andyet,myheartandsoulfeeldestroyed.
Snifflingagainsthershoulder,Iask,“Whydidhehavetobreakme,Kels?”
“Idon’tknow,”shesaysquietly.“Butyouneedtorememberjusthowresilientyouare.”
“Notthistime,”IsayasIwipeatmycheek.“Idon’tthinkbouncingbackfromthiswillbeeasy.Notintheslightest.”
***
ThegurglingsoundofKelsey’scoffeemakerwakesmeupfrommyspotontheground.Justfromanattemptatopeningmyeyes,Iknowthey’repuffyfromallthecryingIdidlastnight.AndtheacheinmybackisfromthelovelymattressofpillowsIattemptedtosleeponaswell.
“Didmycoffeewakeyou?”Kelseyasksfromthekitchen.
“Yeah,”Ianswer,myvoicesoundingasifIsmokedanentirecaseofcigaretteslastnight.“ButIshouldgetup.”
Knock.Knock.
“Wasthatyourdoor?”Iaskher.
“Ithinkso,”sherepliesbeforegoingtothedoortoanswerit.Whenshepropsitopen,Ihearherask,“Huxley,whatareyoudoinghere?”
Crap.
“IwashopingtotalktoLottie.”Iglancebehindmeandmakeeyecontactwithhim.Whenhetakesinmyappearance,concernquicklywashesoverhisface.“Baby,please,canItalktoyou?”
“Uh,youknow,Ireallyneedtogetintheshower,”Kelseysays.“AndIdon’tknowhowtohandleawkwardsituations.Iwanttobeagoodsister,butIalsocan’thandleitwhenguysdothatwholepuppy-dog-eyething,andhelookssopathetic,sobasically,I’mjustgoingtobolt.”
Andshedoesjustthat.
Shetakesoffrunningtothebathroom,shutsthedoor,andturnsontheshower.
WhenIhearthedoorclickshut,IknowHuxleyhassteppedintotheapartment,butIrefusetolookupathim,notwhenmyeyesarestartingtowateralloveragain.
Idon’twanttoseehim,Istillfeeltooraw,buthehasotherplans.
Hekneelsdownnexttomeandplaceshishandonmycheek.Whenoureyesmeet,hisarenotonlybloodshotbutalsoheavywithconcern.Butisheconcernedabouthiscareer,hisbusiness,orisheconcernedaboutme?
“Yousleptonthefloorlastnight?”
“Therearepillowsunderneathme.”WhichhappenedtoshiftwhenIshifted,leavingmepartiallyonthefloor,buthedoesn’tneedtoknowthat.
“Lottie,I’msorry.”Hisvoiceistight.“IknowwhatIdidlastnightwasinexcusable.IshouldneverhavetreatedyouthewayIdid,andI’mashamed.”Heswallowshard.“I’mjustreallyfuckingscaredIfuckedovermybrothers.Itookmyfearsoutonyouratherthanleaningonyou.”Histhumbbrushesovermycheek.“AndI’msorry.”Hepicksupabagfromhissideandsetsitclosertome.“Iwasn’tsureifyouhadanyclothesorovernightthingshere,butIthoughtI’dbringyousomeofyourthings.”That’sannoyinglythoughtful.“Ihavetogettotheofficetodosomedamagecontrol,butIwantedtoseeyoufirst.Canwehavedinnertonight?”WhenIdon’tsayanything,hesays,“Please,Lottie.”
Islowlynodasatearslipsdownmycheek.
Hegrowlsinfrustrationandwipesitawayforme.
“Fuck,I’msorry.”Hestandsandmakeshiswaytothedoor.“I’lltextyouthedetails.”
AllIdoisnod.
Oncehe’soutoftheapartment,Iunzipthebaghepackedforme,andrightontopisaprintedpictureofmeandhimattheFleetwoodMacconcert.Hehashisarmaroundmepossessively,hishandtuckedintothefrontofmypocket,andI’mleaningagainsthisbroadchest,withonearmup,myhandgrippingthebackofhisneck.
IremembertakingthisandtheexactfeelingIfeltwhiletakingit.Iwascompletelyoverjoyed.
Now,I’dgiveanythingtofeelthatfeelingagain.Instead,allIfeelis…empty.ChapterTwenty-Two
HUXLEY
“Whatareyougoingtosaytohim?”Breakeraskswhilepacingthelengthofmyoffice.
“I’mjustgoingtocomeoutwithit.Askhimpoint-blankifheknew.What’stheuseofbeatingaroundthebush?”
JPbounceshislegsupanddownasheperchesinoneofthechairsinthesittingareaofmyoffice.“Ithinkbeingdirectiskey.Ibelievehe’dappreciatethatmore.”
“Ithinksotoo,”Breakeradds.“Areyougoingtopassitoffasafunnythingyoudid?Ortakeitseriously?”
“Seriously,”IanswerasmymindswitchesovertoLottie.
Seeingherlyingonthegoddamnfloor,tearsstreamingfromhereyes,isfuckinggnawingatmystomach.EatingawayatmewitheverybreathItake.Insteadofstayingwithme,shethoughtitwouldbebetterifshestayedathersister’s,whereshehadtosleeponthefloor.That’showmuchshedidn’twanttobearoundme.That’showmuchIshouldbeashamed.Mygirlwouldrathersleeponthefloorthanshareabedwithme.Oreveninabedacrossthehallfromme.
“IthinkifIgoinwithaserioustone,explaineverythingratherthanjokearoundaboutit,thenI’mgoingtosavemyass.”
“Smartapproach,”Breakersaysandthenletsoutadeepbreath.“Fuck,Ihopehehasn’tsaidmuchtoanyone.”
“Istilldon’tgethowheknows,”JPsays.“Howdidtheyfindout?Wehaven’tsaidagoddamnwordtoanyone,andeveryoneelsehasanNDA.”JPscratcheshishead.“DoyouthinkitwasKelsey?”
Ishakemyhead.“No.”
“DidLottieseemhappytoseeyouthismorning?”JPwinces.
AfterLottietookoffyesterday,Isentatexttomybrothers,tellingthemitwasn’tLottie,andthenwentintodetailabouthowIfuckedupeverythingwithher.Iblamedthem,theyblamedme.Itookresponsibilitybecause,let’sbehonest,thisentiremessismyfault.BecauseIhavesomesickdrivetoprove—toprovewhat?ThatIcansecureadeal?What’sthepointofsecuringadealif,intheend,Ihurtthepeoplewhomatterthemosttome?
Ihurtmybrothers.
AndIhurtLottie.
Nodealisbiggerthanthat.
“No,”Isay,rememberingthegrief-strickenlookonherface.“Shedidn’tevensaymuch.”
“Didyouapologize?”JPasks.
“OfcourseIfuckingapologized.DoyouthinkIjustwentoverthereforthehellofit?”
“I’mjustchecking,”JPsaysinadefensivetone.“You’vescrewedupalotlately.Justwantedtomakesureyoudidn’tscrewthatuptoo.”
“Ohno,Idid.Ifuckedthatupbigtime.TheonlythingIhavegoingformeisthatshesaidshe’dhavedinnerwithmetonight.”
“Ohshit,really?”Breakerasks.“Whatareyougoingtodo?”
“Begforherforgiveness.Whatelseistheretodo?”
“Provetoherhowsorryyouare.”
“AndhowwouldIdothat?”Iask.
Breakershrugs.“HellifIknow.It’swhyI’mnotinarelationship.Idon’tknowhowtohandlewomen.”
“Idon’tthinkthat’sthereason,”JPsays.“You’rejustanidiot.”
“Saystheguywho’snotinarelationshipeither,”Breakersays.
“Bychoice,”JPshootsback.“IfIwantedtobeinarelationship,thenIwouldbe.”
“Uh-huh.”Breakereyeshimupanddown.“Andhow’sthatflirtinggoingwithKelsey,bytheway?”
“Fine.IfIturneditupanotch,she’dbealloverme.”
Breakerscoffs.“Yeah…alloveryou.”Herollshiseyes,andI’mabouttosnapatmybrotherswhenKarlacomesintomyoffice.
Sherapsherknucklesonthedoorframeandsays,“ThefrontjustinformedmeMr.Toneyisonhiswayup.”
“Thankyou,Karla.”Shegivesmeacurtnodandthendisappears.“Youtwoneedtogetthehelloutofhere.”Ineedtodealwiththisonmyown.
Theygathertheirthingsandheadtowardthedoor.“Goodluck,man,”Breakersayswithanod.JPgivesmeaquicknodtoo,andthenI’mleftaloneinmyoffice.
Idly,Isitinmychair,staringatmycomputerscreen.I’maluckysonofabitchthatmybrothersaresupportiveratherthanwantingtomurdermeforpossiblyfuckingupourreputation.Ourlivelihood,aswellasthecompany’semployees.Theycouldbedicks,butthey’rechoosingnottobe,andI’mreallyappreciativeofit.It’stoughenoughknowingIdamagedmyrelationshipwithLottie,I’mnotsureI’dknowwhattodowithoutmybrothers.And,yes,Isaiddamaged.It’snotover.I’mgoingtogetLottieback.She’smine.Forever.
KarlaknowstosendDavebacktomyofficewhenhearrives,sowhenthere’saknockatmydoor,I’mnotsurprisedtoseehim.
“Dave.”Istandandwalkovertohim,offeringhimafirmhandshake.“Thanksformakingitoverhere.”
“IthoughtIwasgoingtobelate.”Hechuckles,completelyunawareofhowmystomachisturninginonitself.“Therewasahugeaccidentonthe405.IwasabletogetoffatanexitbeforeIhitparking-lottypetraffic.”
“Whenistherenotanaccidentonthe405?”Iask.
“Verytrue.”
IgesturetowardthesittingareainmyofficewhileIshutmydoorbehindhim.“Takeaseat.CanIgetyouanythingtodrink?”
“I’mgood.Idownedacoffeeonthewayhere.Don’tworry,IwenttothebathroombeforeIcamein,soIwon’tberequiringtheuseofyourpersonaltoilet.”
Ichuckleandtakeaseatacrossfromhim.“Mypersonaltoiletisalwaysavailabletoyou.”
Hepresseshishandtohischest.“Thesentimenthitsmehard.”
MysmilefadesasIclearmythroat.IfigureImightaswelljustjumprighttoit.“I,uh,Iwashopingtohaveanhonestconversationwithyoutoday.”
ThesmallestofsmirksappearonDave’sface.“IthinkIknowwhatthisisabout.”
“Doyou?”Iask,wantingtoseewherehe’sat.
Henods.“Youknow,whenElliefirsttoldme,Ididn’tbelieveheratfirst,butafterthebabyclass,IknewrightawaythatElliewasright.”
Iclearmythroatagain,temptedtopullonmytie,toloosenit,butIholdstrong.“Andwhatwassherightabout?”
“Excusemeforbeingforward,butthatyourrelationshipwithLottiewasn’treal.”
Yup,thereitis.
Shameandembarrassmentflowthroughmyveins,heatingupmybody.Damnit,IwishI’dthoughttotakeoffmysuitjacketforthisconversation.It’stoolatenow.
Igotosaysomething,butDavecontinues,“Shetoldmeafterthedinneratourhouse.Shesuspectedyoutwowerefakingit.Ithoughtmaybeitwassomecrazypregnancyhormoneatfirst,becauseIcouldn’tfathomwhyyou’dlie.Especiallyaboutarelationship.ElliepointedoutthestiffnessinyourshoulderswhenLottietouchedyou,theroboticwayyoutalkedtoeachother.Therewassomethingmissing,andeventhoughyouwerequiteconvincing,therewerethingshereandtherethatgaveyouaway.”
Idragmyhandovermyface.“Listen,Dave.Icanexplain.”
“Ifoundthewholethingquitecomical,tobehonest.HowfarwouldHuxleyCanego?Justhowunethicalwasthemanwhowantedmybusiness?”Hepauses,andIthinkI’mgoingtobesick.
Unethical.
He’snotwrong.God,Ifeelashamed.Especiallythathe’dknown.
“Elliekeptfindingthesecrazythingstodoandthoughtitwouldbefuntodragyoutwoalong.”
Isitalittletaller.“Youmean,youinvitedusonpurpose?”
Davelaughs.“Ohyeah.You’reprobablythemostuptightmanIknowand,granted,it’sgottenyouveryfarinbusiness,butthere’smorethanmakingadeal,Huxley,andIwantedyoutoseethat.Ithoughtthatmaybeifwecarriedonwiththecharade,thatmaybesomethingwouldcomeofit.TherewasaconnectionbetweenyouandLottie,andEllieandIwerehopingtoseeitgrowstronger.”Hesmiles.“Andithas.”Helaughs.“Icanassureyou,hadInotmetEllie,Imayhaveneverknownwhattruelovewaseither.”
“Wh-what?”Iask,tryingtocomprehendandprocesseverythinghe’ssaying.
“CorrectmeifI’mwrong,butyouloveher,don’tyou?”
Myteethrollovermybottomlip,andIstaredownatmyconnectedhands.Inod.“Yeah,Ido.”
“Iknewit.”Daveslapshisleg.“ElliethinksLottiewastheonetocrackfirst,sheseemedtobemoreintoyou,butItoldEllieyou’reaprofessionalatmaskingyouremotions,andifIhadtobetonit,I’dsayyoudevelopedfeelingssoonerthanshedevelopedfeelingsforyou.”
Sincethisistheconversationwe’reapparentlyhaving,Isay,“IthinkitstartedtheminuteIranintoher.”
“Whichwasn’tinGeorgia…”
Ishakemyhead.
“Elliewasalsostruckbythat.Lottiewasn’tveryconvincingaboutknowingmuchaboutGeorgia.”
Iwince.“She’sneverbeen.”
“Thenhowexactlydidyoumeet?”
“Onthesidewalkinmyneighborhood.Shewaslost;Iwasblowingoffsteam.Justsohappenedwebothneededeachother.”Igripthebackofmyhead.“Anot-someet-cute.”
“Youknow,Ibegtodiffer.Meetingonthesidewalkhasitscharm.”
“Notifyouaddinwhatwewerebothafter.Ineededafakefiancée,andsheneededarichhusbandtoimpresssomeone.Thatdoesn’treallyscreamromance.”
“Sometimesit’snotthebeginningthatscreamsromance,butratherthejourney.AndIhavetosay,yourjourneyhasbeenquiteinterestingtowatchunfold.”Davescratchesthesideofhisface.“Idowonder,though…whydidyoudoit?”
Sighingheavily,Ileanbackinmychairandsay,“BecauseI’madumbass.”
“Well,thismuchistrue,butgivemetherealreason.”
Therealreason.Wasn’tthatenough?ThatIwasadumbass?ButDavehadtakeneveryanswerinstridesofar,soeventhoughthisshowedhowmanipulativeIcouldactuallybe,howmuchofaliar,Iwasnowall-inhere.
“BreakerandJPsaidI’dneversucceedinmakingadealwithyoubecauseyouwerearelatableguy.Youhonoredtheconnectioninabusinessdeal,notjustthemoney.TheysaidIwasn’trelatabletoyou.Iwantedtoprovethemwrong.WhenIsawyououtsidethedeliandyouintroducedmetoEllie,theliesjustpouredoutofmymouthbeforeIcouldstopmyself.Ithoughtthatmaybeifwecouldconnectonanotherlevel,you’dconsideradealwithme.”
“Andwhathappenedifwedidmakethedeal…whatwould’vehappenedtoLottie?”
“Wewould’vegoneourseparateways.Iprobablywouldn’thavementionedanythingtoyou.”
“Isee.”Hissmilefades.“Seemsveryuntrustworthy.”
“Iknow.”Idragmyhandovermyforehead.“Trustme,Ifuckingknow.Mybrothers,fromtheverybeginning,toldmeitwasabadidea,andwhenIwasabletolookpastmydetermination,Iknewwhatweweredoingwaswrong,butIwassoinflexiblethatIcouldn’tlookpastthedeal.Iendeduphurtingmybrothers,andevenworse…IendeduplosingLottie.”
“What?”Daveasks,lookingconcerned.“Sheleftyou?”
Inod.“Lastnight.I,uh,Ispokewithsomeonewhooff-handedlytoldmeyouknewwehadafakeengagement.Icouldn’tpossiblyunderstandhowyou’dknow,soIblamedLottie,thinkingshewastheonewholetitsliptoEllie.Isaidsomeshittythings,andsheleft.”Ishakemyhead,completelydisgustedwithmyself.“IfuckingblewitbecauseIwassocaughtupinmyimage,myreputation,thatIforgotonething—noneofthatmattersifIdon’thavesomeonetosharemylifewith.Shetookoffforhersister’s.”Ipinchthebridgeofmynose.“Shechosesleepingontheflooroversleepingwithme.Ifthatdoesn’ttellyouhowfuckedIam,Idon’tknowwhatdoes.”
“Letmeaskyouthis,andlookmeintheeyeswhenyouanswer.Ifyoucouldchooseone,Lottie,ortheacquisitionwithme,whatwoulditbe?”
“Lottie.”Ilookhimstraightintheeye.“Lottie.Sheiseverything.Idon’tknowhowitcametothis,howIfellforagirlsofast,sohard,thatIactuallyfeelphysicalpainfromlosingher,buthereIam,adesperateassholewillingtodoanythingtogetherback.”
Thatbringsasmiletohisface.Daveleansforwardandholdshishandouttomewhilehesays,“Thismightsurpriseyou,Huxley,andinsomeways,itsurprisesmetoo,butyouhaveadeal.”
“What?”Iask,awkwardlytakinghishand,unsurewhatwe’reshakingon.Dwaynesaidhewasdevelopingthelandwithhim.Howisthishappening?
Davestandsfromhischairandbuttonshissuitjacket.“Yourbrotherswereright.Iwasn’tsureIwantedtomakeadealwithsomeoneIdidn’tquiteknow.Iwasn’tsureyouweregoingtodevelopthelotsintosomethingIcouldconsciouslybeokaywith.I’vebeenincrediblydisappointedindealsI’vemadeinthepast,promisesthatweren’tkept.It’swhyIspokewithDwayne.Iknewyou’dbeworkingwithhim.Iwantedtoseeifyourplanswerefeasible.IwantedtoseeifheknewaboutyouandLottie.IwantedtoseewhatkindofdealImightbegettingmyselfinto.ButwhenDwaynegenuinelylookedsurprisedtohearaboutyouandLottie,Iknew,eventhoughyouwerelying,youweren’tmakingmeintoalaughingstock.”
“Fuck,Iwouldnever.Ifanyoneisgoingtobelaughedat,it’sme.IhadallmyemployeessignanNDA—evenLottiewasunderanNDA.Andthosewhodidn’thaveanNDAbelievedwewereactuallyengaged.Shemovedintomyhomeandeverything.Trustme,Ididn’twantthisgettingout.”
“Ibelieveyou,”Davesaysconfidently.“It’swhythelotsareyours.I’llhavemylawyersworkwithyourlawyersonthedetails.I’mtrustingthatyou’renotlyingtomenow,andthatyou’llfollowthroughonthetermsofouragreement.”
“Iwill.It’snotinmynaturetolie,Dave.Ihonestlyfeltwretchedeverytimewepretendedaroundyou.LottieandIbothdid.So,Iwon’tletyoudowninyourtrustinme.”
“Ifeelconfidentinyou.Now.Andmaybeanothermanwould’vetoldyoutofuckoff,butIfindthewholescenarioquitefascinating,andI’veenjoyedseeingyouchange.Youwereahardmantounderstandbefore,butLottiehassmoothedoutyourroughedges.Youunderstandyourprioritiesnow.Andfrankly,you’remorerelatable.I’vehadsomefuntimes,notonlywatchingyoustruggle,butalsohavingsomehonestconversationswithyou.You’vegrown,Huxley,andIdoconsideryouafriend,evenifundersomefalsepretenses.IonlyhopeyoucanfixthingswithLottie,becausewetrulydidenjoyyourcompany.”
“Wow,”Isay.“Ihonestlywasn’texpectingyoutosaythat.Ithoughtthisconversationwouldgoacompletelydifferentdirection,andIwasreadytobegandpleadwithyou.”
Daveglancesathiswatch.“Ihaveaboutfiveminutesifyouwanttogetdownonyourkneesanddoalittlebegging.”HechucklesandInervouslylaugh,because,hell,Iwould’vedoneit.“Butinallseriousness,Ican’tstopthinkingaboutseeingyoutwointeractafterthebabyclass.Iknewyou’dchanged.Iknewyou’dgentled.Yourseverityhaddisappeared,andIappreciatedthat.Ienjoyedthetransformation,andIhopeitcontinues.You’reagoodman,Huxley.Now,figureoutawaytofixthiswithLottie,becauseIknowEllieisgoingtowantyoutwooverforacelebratorydinner.”
“Thatwouldbegreat,Dave.Thankyou.Truly,thankyouforeverything.”
Heheadstowardmyofficedoor.“I’maprettyunderstandingguywhocanfindjoyinalmosteverysituation.Butknow,youprobablywon’tseethesamerespectfromotherbusinessassociates,soI’dkeepthefakefiancéeandfakepregnancythingoutofbusinessdealsfromhereonout.”
“Trustme,neveragain.”
“Goodtohear.We’llbeintouch.”Heoffersmeawaveandthentakesoff.WhenIknowhe’sfartherdownthehall,Islumpinmychairandletoutapent-upbreath.
Holy.
Fucking.
Shit.
Afterafewminutes,BreakerandJPcomebarrelingintomyoffice.
“Ohfuck,hedoesn’tlookgood,”Breakersays.“Isthatsweatonhisbrow?”
JPtakesastepcloser.“Fuck,itissweat.Hedoesn’teversweat.”
“Whathappened?Areweruined?”Breakerasks.
Iclaspmyhandstogetherandchuckle.
“He’slaughing.Isthatagoodlaughorahe’slosthismindlaugh?”Breakerasks.
“Soundsslightlymaniacal.Ithinkhe’slostit,”JPanswers.
“He’ssigningthedeal.”
“What?”BreakerandJPsayatthesametime.
“Idon’thavetimetotalkaboutit.IhavetofigureouthowtofixthingswithLottie.That’swhatIcareabout.”Istandandpushmyhandthroughmyhair.“Fuck,Idon’tevenknowwheretostart.”
“Youcan’thalf-assit,”Breakersays.
“Youwentallinonthiscontractwithher,mightaswellgoallinonarelationship,”JPsays,laughing.
Butalightbulbgoesoffinmyhead.
“Ihaveanidea,”IsayasIgotomydesktopocketmyphoneandkeys.“HavethelawyersconnectwithDave’slawyers.I’llgiveyouacallwhileI’minmycartoexplaineverything.”
Andwithoutagoodbye,IheadoutofmyofficeandpastKarla.
Ihavesomeshittodobeforetonight.ChapterTwenty-Three
LOTTIE
“WhatamIdoing,Kelsey?”Iask,staringoutthewindow,therich,eleganthomesinTheFlatspassingmeby.
“You’regoingtohearhimout,”shesaysthroughthephone,hercalmingvoicedoingnothingtosoothemyragingnerves.
IgotatextfromHuxleyafewhoursagotellingmeacarwouldbeatKelsey’stopickmeupatsixthirtyandthathehopedIgotinthecar.IalmosttextedhimthatI’dchangedmymind,thatIcouldn’tmakeittodinnerbecausethethoughtofseeinghisfacetonightmademenauseous.
ButKelseymademetakeafewdeepbreaths,shetalkedmethroughthepositives,andtoldmethatthereasonIwassoupsetwasbecauseIlovedhim,andthatupsetfeelingwasn’tgoingtogoawayuntilIlistenedtowhathehadtosay.
Atthetime,Ithoughtshewasright.NowthatI’mnearinghisplace,I’mstartingtothinkmaybeshewaswrong.
“Idon’tfeelpretty.He’sgoingtothinkIlooklikeamess.”
“Youlookfreakingamazing,andwhocaresifyoudolooklikeamess?Ifhelovesyou,he’llthinkyoulookbeautifulnomatterhowtear-streakedyourcheeksare.”
“Ishould’vedressedup.Ishould’vedonemymakeup.”
“Youcouldn’tstopcryinglongenoughtodoyourmakeup.Remember?Wetried,itjustsmeareddownyourface.”
“Thiswasamistake,Kelsey.Ireallydon’tthinkIshoulddothis.I’mnotready.”
“I’mnotsureifyouwilleverbeready,Lottie.”
“Ifeelbrokeninside,”Isaysoftly.“Idon’tthinkI’veeverfeltlikethisbefore.WhenAngelafiredme,Ithoughtthatwasrockbottom,butthatfeelingisnothingcomparedtothis.Ithoughtwehadsomething,andthenhejustrippedthatawayfromme.”Isuckinadeepbreathasalonetearfallsdownmycheek.“I’mnotsurehowtowashawaythatfeeling.”
“Andtheemotionsyou’reexperiencing,they’reallvalid,”Kelseysays.“But,Lottie,there’sareasonhewantsyoutocomeovertonight,whyhestoppedbythismorning.Heknowshemessedup.Weallmakemistakes—granted,hismighthavebeenlargerthanmost—buthe’stryingtomakeitright.Ifyoutrulylovehim,youwillgivehimachancetodothat.That’swhatloveis,isn’tit?Imean,haven’tyouandIhadtoforgiveeachotherforjumpingdowneachother’sthroatswithoutconsideringthetruth?”
MoretearsstreamdownmyfaceasItakeinthefamiliargatethatprotectsHuxley’shouse.Sheisn’twrong.God,I’dhurtKelseyonlyweeksagowithmystupidmouth,talkingwithoutthinking,and…andsheforgaveme.Itakeadeepbreathasthedriverpressesabuttonandthegateslidesopen.Noturningback.Aswedrivethrough,IseeHuxleystandingoutsidehisdoor,onhisporch,waitingforme.
“OhGod,Iseehim.Kelsey,Ican’tdothis.Ican’t.I’mamess.”
“Thenbeamessinfrontofhim.Iloveyou,sis.Youhaveabeautifulheart.Shareitwithhim.”Andthenshehangsupjustasthedriverputsthecarinpark.
Iwipefranticallyatmytears,butunfortunately,theykeepfalling,evenasHuxleystepsuptothecarandopensthedoor.Whenhecatchessightofme,Iseethedevastationthatpassesthroughhiseyesbeforeheoffershishandtome.
Notreadytoholdhishand,Igetoutofthecarwithouthishelp.
Hedoesn’tsayanything,butIseethedisappointmentinhisshouldersfrommydenial.
Clearinghisthroat,hesays,“Thanksforcomingover.”
Iwipeatmyfaceandjustnod,mythroattight,sochokedupthatsqueezingoutawordrightnowfeelsnexttoimpossible.
Raw,tumultuousemotionsbeatthroughme,andfromthesightofhiminapairofsimplejeansandaT-shirt,hishairruffledfromhishandrunningthroughit,thoseemotionsskyrocket,sendingmeintoatailspinofuncertainty.
ShouldIbehere?
ShouldIgivehimasecondchance?
IfIfeelthisawfulfromoneboutofheartbreak,whatcouldhepossiblydotomeinthefuture?
AndwhyexactlyamIsufferingfromsuchintenseemotions?
ProbablybecauseKelseyisright.Ilovehimsomuch,morethanIthought.Myheartisdrawntowardhim.Myheartachesforhim.Butmyheartisalsowary.He’splayingtug-of-warwithmyheart,rippingandtearingitineverydirection,stirringupanxietyanduncertainty.
“Doyoumindifwegoinside?”heasks.WhenIshakemyhead,hegesturestowardthedoor,andwhenIstepinfrontofhim,heplaceshishandonmylowerback.Itfeelslikeaboltoflightningtomyspine,forcingittostraighten,gostiff.Henoticesquicklyandremoveshishand,probablyinterpretingitasmenotwantinghistouch.Butmyreactionwasn’tbecauseIdidn’twantthetouch,itwasbecauseIdidn’trealizehowmuchI’dmissedit…
Heopensthedoorforme,andwhenIwalkthrough,hesays,“Ihaveeverythingsetupinthediningroom.”
Everythingsetup?Whatdoesthatmean?
Whatexactlydidhehavetosetup?
Anxiousandnervous,Iwalktowardthediningroom,whereIseethetablesetfortwo.Twolargeclocheservingdishes,twoglassesfilledwithwater,andamanilafolderwithtwopenshavebeenlaidonthetable.Thelightsaredimmed,FleetwoodMacplaysinthebackground,andtheredoesn’tseemtobeasoulinthehouseotherthanmeandHuxley.
HewalkspastmetothechairInormallysitin,andhepullsitout,waitingformetotakeaseat.Questioningeverythinginmyhead,Itaketheseatandglancetowardthefolder,mymindracing.What’sinsideit?
Huxleytakesaseataswell,butinsteadoffacinghisplate,hescootshischairclosetomineandturnstowardme.
“Lottie.”
Takingadeepbreath,Iturntowardhimaswell,atearslippingdownmycheek.
“Baby…”hesaysquietlywhilereachingoutandwipingawaythetear.“Pleasedon’tcry.”
“Wh-whatdoyou…want,Huxley?”Iask,gettingthewordsout.
Withaconcernedgaze,hesitsstraighterandsays,“Iwantyou,Lottie.”
“Youscrewedthatup.”
“Iknow.Trustme,IknowhowbadIscrewedthisup.It’sbeenthebiggestmistakeofmylife,chargingintoourhome,andstickingblameonyouforsomethingIknow,deepdown,youwouldneverdo.”Itdoesn’tslippastmethathesaidourhouse.“AndI’vetriedtofigureouthowtomakethisuptoyou,howtoshowyouhowsorryIam,andIrealized,maybeIshouldbringitbacktowherewestarted.”
Slightlyconfused,Iask,“Whatdoyoumean?”
Fromthefolder,hepullsoutastackofstapledpapers.Whenmyeyeslandonit,Irealizeit’sourcontract.
Hestandsfromhischairandwalksovertothecornerofthediningroomwhereabuffettablelinesthewall.Sittingontopofit,pluggedin,isapapershredder.Withoutapause,hesendsthecontractintothepapershredder,andthedeafeningsoundofiteatingupourcontractechoesthroughtheroom.
Andforsomereason,ithurts.Thatwasthethingthatbondedustogether.It’swhatfreedmeofmystudentloans.Isthatgonetoo?It’swhatbroughtmeclosetoHuxley,andhetoreitupwithoutablinkofaneye.
“Whydidyoudothat?”Iask,myanguishclearinmyvoice.
“Becauseweneedtostartfresh,Lottie.”Hewalksbacktothetableandtakesaseat.HereachesformyhandbutIdon’tlethimhaveit.Dippinghisheadindefeat,hesays,“Lottie,please,you’renotmakingthiseasyonme.”
“DoyouthinkIshould?”Iask.“Becauseyousureashelldidn’tmakeiteasyonmelastnightwhenyouwereaccusingmeoftellingElliethetruth.”
“Iknow,but—”
“Anddoyouthinkitwaseasyonme,seeingtheabsolutedisdainyouhadforme?”
“No,but—”
“Anddoyouthinkitwaseasyonme,knowingthemanthatItrusted,thatIwasfallingfor,didn’ttrustmetokeephimsafewithoursecret?”
“No.But,Lottie—”
“Idon’tknowwhyIcamehere.”Istandfrommychair.
Huxleystandsaswell.“Whereareyougoing?”
“I’mleaving,”Isay.“Thiswasstupid.”
Iheadtowardtheentryway,butHuxleytugsonmyhand,spinningmebackaround.Withangerinhiseyes,hesays,“Sitdown,Lottie.”
“Excuseme?”
“Isaidsit.Down.”Hespeaksthroughhisteeth,andinthatinstant,mysorrowturnstoanger.
“Whothehelldoyouthinkyouare—”
Hemovestowardmeandgentlypushesmeupagainstthediningroomwall,cuttingmywordsshort.Mybreathcatchesinmythroatashisonehandpinsmeinplaceandtheotherstrikesthewall,proppinghimup.
“I’mtryingtoapologize,damnit,”hesays,hisangerspiking.
“Andyouthinkthisisthewaytodoit?”
“Doyouhaveabetteridea?”heasks,hiseyesneverleavingmine.“You’resogoddamnstubbornthatpissingyouoffseemstobetheonlywaytomakeyoulisten.”
“Youhurtme,Huxley.Idon’twanttolisten.”
“Ifyoudidn’t,youwouldn’tbehere.”Heseesrightthroughme.“Ifyoudidn’twanttobehere,thenyouneverwould’vegotteninthatcar,andIknowyou,Lottie.Youloveme—”
“No.”Ishakemyhead.“Idon’t.”
Hepressesharderagainstme,trappingmybreathinmylungs.“Don’tyoudarefuckinglietome.Youdon’tlosefeelingslikethatovernight.Now,isthathowyouwanttohavethisconversation,withmepossessingyou?BecauseI’dratherbecivilwithyou,notreverttoouroldwaysofcommunication.ButifIneedto,I’llholdyouherelikethis,allnight,untilyoulisten.”
Iwetmylipsasmybodyheatswithlust.
Goddamnit.
Idon’twanttolustafterhim.
Idon’twanttoenvisionthekindofdelicioustorturehecouldputmethroughinthisposition,waitingformetocommunicateproperly.
“Areyougoingtolistentome?”heasks,repeatinghimself.
IgiveitafewbreathsbeforeIsay,“Fine.”
Hereleasesmeandthentakesmyhand,whichIlethimhave,andhewalksmebacktothetable,wherewebothtakeaseat.
Whenwe’resettled,heasks,“Areyoudonebeingstubborn?”
“Areyoudonebeinganasshole?”
Andjustlikethat,thesmallestofsmirkspullathislips.Justlikethebeginningofourrelationship,we’rebackatgroundzero,meirritated,himtakingsomesortofjoyoutofit.
Annoyedwiththesmirk,Ifoldmyarmsacrossmychestandask,“Doyoufindhumorinthis?”
“Ido.Remindsmeofourearlydays.”
Metoo.
“Iwasmorepartialtoourlaterdays.”Ilookaway.
“Don’tgetmewrong,sowasI,butit’snicetobringthingsfullcircle,don’tyouthink?”
“IthinkweneedtogetonwithwhateverpresentationyoumighthavesoIcanmoveon.”
Thatpisseshimoff,judgingbythenarrowingofhiseyesandclenchingofhisjaw.Giventheshiftinourrelationship,Ididn’tthinkitwaspossibletorevisitwhatitwaslikewhenwewerefirsttogether,butIwaswrong.Wecouldverymuchgetthere.
ButwhatIhateisthatitinvigoratesme.
Hisjawtwitchesashereachesoutandtakesoneofmyhands,andthistimeIlethim.Holdingitfirmly,hestaresmedownandsimplysays,“Iloveyou.”
Thewordsstunme.
Theytakemybreathaway.
Buttheyalsodon’tfeelentirelyreal.
“Idon’tbelieveyou,”Isay.“HowdoIknowyou’renotjustsayingthat?”
Frustrationlacesthroughhiseyesashereachesforthefolderandopensit,revealinganothercontract.Butthisoneislessformal.Insteadoflegaljargon,itlooksasifhetypedituphimself,anditonlyconsistsofbulletpointsonasinglesheetofpaper.
“What’sthat?”Iask.
“Ournewcontract.”
“YouthinkI’mgoingtosignanewcontractwithyou?”
Hiseyesflashtomine.“Cutthegoddamnsassforasecondandhearmeout.”
“That’sonewaytowinmeback.”Irollmyeyes.
“DoIneedtobendyouoverthistablejustsoyouknockitoff?”
MybodyheatsupandIcanfeelmyeyeswidenfromthethought.
Hecatchesit.
Theintrigue.
Theyearning.
Theneed.
“Don’t,”Isay,holdingupmyhandasheshifts.“Don’teventhinkaboutit.”
“ThenhearmeoutandIwon’tbeforcedtotakeextrememeasures.”
God,it’sannoyinghowcommandingheis.
Domineering.
Possessive.
ButIalsoloveit.Whatiswrongwithme?
Someofthesteelleaveshiseyeswhenhesays,“I’msorry,Lottie,foralotofthings.I’msorrythatIblamedyouforsomethingIhadnorightblamingyoufor.I’msorryforbreakingourtrust.I’msorryfornotleaningonyouwhenIshouldhave.Andmostimportantly,I’msorrythatIhurtyou.Toseeyoucry,seeyousoupset,andknowI’mtheonecausingthatpain…itkillsme.”
Andjustlikethat,withhissoothingvoice,theirritationdrainsfrommeasthetensionlessensinmyshouldersand…Ilisten.
“Iquicklyrealizedmymistakewhenyoustartedtoleave.Myheartleaptinmythroatwhenyougotinyoursister’scar.AndwhenIsawyoudriveaway,Iknewyou’dtakenahugepieceofmewithyou.Itguttedmeseeingyouleave,whichmademerealizeIloveyou.IloveyoumorethanIeverthoughtitwaspossibletolovesomeone.Andithitmelikeatonofbricks.Ineedyoutobeapartofmylife,Lottie.Ineedyoutobeapermanentfixture.WhichiswhyIcameupwiththiscontract.”
Idon’ttakeit,butinstead,Isay,“Readittome.”
Clearinghisthroat,hesays,“Mylegaltermsaren’tuptopar,sodon’tmakefunofme.”Thatmakesmeinwardlysmile.“‘ThiscontractbindsHuxleyCaneandLottieGardneroncetermsareagreedtoandsignaturesarepresentatthebottom.’”
“You’reright,yourterminologyiswayoff.”
“Iwasdrawingablankwhenwritingthisup.Bearwithme.”Hesetshisshouldersbackandreadssomemore.“‘Thefollowingrequestsmustbefollowedbybothparties.Requestnumberone—aftersomecarefulthoughtandconsideration,LottieagreestoforgiveHuxleyforbeingamassiveass.’”
“Iappreciateyouusingmassiveasadescriptor,becausethat’swhatyouwere.”
“Iwas,”heagrees,andmoretensioneases.
“‘Requestnumbertwo—afterasolidmake-upsession,whichwillincludewhateverLottiewants’”—Ismirkatthat—“‘LottiewillberequiredtopermanentlymoveinwithHuxley,andintohisbedroom,wherehe’salreadymadespaceintheclosetforherclothes.’”
“Myclothesorthepersonalitemsyoupickedoutforme?”Iask.
“Whateveryouwant.”
“Ipreferamixtureofboth.”
“Done.”Hisfacialexpressionlightensashecontinues.“‘Requestnumberthree—Lottiedropsallpreviousrolesoffakefiancéeandfakepregnantwoman.HuxleyrealizeswhatabadideathiswasandhasalreadyclearedtheairwithDave.HewantsLottietoliveherbestlifenow,freeofanyfakepremise.’”
“Herbestlife?”Iaskwitharaisedbrow.Henods.“AndthingsareclearedupwithDave?Really?”
“Yes,Ispokewithhimtoday.Hewasn’thappywhenItoldhimI’dfuckedthingsupwithyouandtoldmeI’dbettergetyouback.ItoldhimIintendedtoandthatIalreadyhaddinnerplannedwithyou.”
“Daveisasmartman.”Ipushmyhairovermyshoulder,needingtobusymyantsyhands.
“‘Requestnumberfour—eventhoughthepreviouscontracthasbeendestroyed,HuxleyisstillindebtedtoLottieandthereforewillattendanysocialeventtohelpherstickittoheroldboss,butthistime,hepreferstoactasherrealfiancé.’”
Hiseyespeerupatme.
Uh,didIhearthatright?Realfiancé?
“‘Requestnumberfive—LottierealizesthatHuxleyisashellofamanwithouther.Thathenotonlycravesherinhislife,butheneedsherinhislife.She’sbecomeapermanentfixtureandnothavingherinhislifeisnon-negotiable.’Whichbringsmeto‘Requestnumbersix—LottiefollowsHuxleytotherooftop.’”Huxleystandsandholdsouthishand.
Idon’ttakeitrightaway.
I’mnotevensureIcanwithhowshakyIam.
“Lottie…”
Musteringupsomewords,Isay,“I’m,uh…I’mgoingtoneedmylawyertolookatthatcontract.”
Hissmilenearlyknocksmeover,it’ssobrilliantlyhandsome,andfullofjoy.Itpropelsmyhandintohisandguidesmethroughthehouse,upthestairs,andtotherooftop.WhenHuxleypushesopenthedoor,heallowsmetogothroughfirst,revealingthebeautifulsetup.
Twowoodenloungechairsoccupythemiddleofthespace,decoratedwithrosepetals,andsurroundedbyfakecandlesthatofferjustenoughlighttosetthescene.
“Wow,”Isay,takingitallin.
Thedoorshutsbehindus,andIturntofindHuxleybentdownononeknee,holdingaringbox.
Thiscan’tbereal.Thisseriouslycan’tbethelifeI’mlivingrightnow,butwhenheopenshismouthandsaysmynameinabreathlesstone,Irealizethisisverymuchreal.
“Lottie,Iloveyou.You’rebeautifullyfrustrating,annoyinglyrightmostofthetime,andyoubringmemorejoythanIeverthoughtI’dbeluckyenoughtohave.Youcomplementmysurlyattitude.YouputmeinmyplacewhenIneedit,andyoulistentomewhenIneedalisteningear.Plainandsimple,youcompleteme,andIknowforcertain,Ican’tlivethislifewithoutyouinit.”Hepopsopentheringbox,revealingabeautiful,cushion-shapeddiamondringwithdiamondaccentsontheband.It’sdifferentthanthecurrentringonmyfinger,edgier,justlikeme.“Iloveyousogoddamnmuch.Please,wouldyouacceptthecontract,andwillyoualsodomethehonorofbeingmywife?”
Istaredownathim,thosedeep,mysteriouseyespiercingthroughme,holdingmecaptive.
Theyalwayswill.
Ibelievehe’shadmyheartfromtheverybeginning.Eventhroughourupsanddowns,therewasaconnection,anunrelentingbondthatdrewmetowardhim.There’snodenyingIlovethisman,there’snodenyingI’llalwayslovehim.He’sitforme.Irealizethis.But…
“Youhurtme,Huxley.”
Hestandsupandquicklyclosesthespacebetweenus.“Iknow,Lottie,andI’mreallyfuckingsorry.Ican’tpromiseyouIwon’thurtyouagain,becausewe’llalwayshavedisagreements,butI’llpromiseyouthis—you’remynumberone,you’rethepersonItrust,thepersonIknowwillalwaysbebymyside,cheeringformeandtellingmewhenI’manasshole.AndI’lldoeverythingpossibletomakeyouhappy.TomakesureInever—onpurpose—makeyoucryagain.”Hishandrisestomyfaceandhisthumbgentlyrubsacrossmycheek.“Iloveyou,baby.”
Iwetmylips,getlostinthoseeyes,andonaleapandaprayer,Isay,“Iloveyou,too.”
“Fuck,”hesaysinanexhalebeforetiltingmyjawupandpressinghislipstomine.MyarmsinstantlywraparoundhisneckandIdeepenthekiss,lettinggooftheangerandtensionthat’sdrainedfromme.
Oddly,he’severythingI’veeverwanted.Hechallengesme.Teasesme.Andpassionatelylovesme.
Whenhepullsaway,hegripsmycheeksandrestshisforeheadonmine.“Pleasetellmeit’sayes.Pleasetellmeyou’llbemineforever.”
Lockinggazeswithhim,Isay,“I’myoursforever,Huxley.”
“Thankfuck,”hesays,liftingmyhandandpressingakisstomyknuckles.Then,hetakesthefakeengagementringoffmyfingerandreplacesitwiththerealthing.Hegivesitakissandasks,“Doyoulikeit?”
Ismile.“Iloveit,justlikeIloveyou.”
Hepressesanotherkisstomylipsandthenquietlysays,“Lookslikeyousnaggedyourselfarichhusbandafterall.”
Ichuckle.“Ithinkitwasthebraids.”
“Itwasthebraidsforsure.”
Hepullsmeintoahug,thenliftsmeupandspinsmearoundaswebothlaugh.
Justwhenyouthinkyou’vehitrockbottom,whenyoudon’tthinkthere’sanywayyoucouldclimbthemountainagaintofindhappiness,youstumbleacrossatrail,onethathasitsbumpsandbruises,butoffersagorgeousoutcome.ImightnothaveknowntheoutcomeofsayingyestoHuxleyandhiscrazyscheme,butI’msogladIdid,becauseIcan’timaginewhatthislifewouldbelikewithouthim.Epilogue
HUXLEY
“Doesmybuttlookgood?”
“Forthetenthtime,yourasslooksamazing,”Isay,thoughIdon’tevenbothertolookatitthistime.I’msureithasn’tchangedinthelastminute,andthemoreIstareatit,themoreI’mgoingtogethard,andthelastthingIwanttodoisbehardwhenwewalkintoLottie’shighschoolreunion.
“Thisdresswasn’ttoomuch?Itfeelsliketoomuch.”
Istopherandspinhertowardme.She’swearingadeep-purpledressthatclingstoeverycurveofherbodyandliftshertits,givingherimpossiblecleavage.Whenshesteppedoutofourbathroom,myjawhitthefloorandmydickgrewinseconds.Shepairedthedresswithfour-inchblackstilettos,mykryptonite.Iimmediatelyreachedforherbutsheblockedmewithastiffarm,sayingIwasn’tallowedtotouchhersexuallyuntilafterthereunionbecauseshedidn’twantmeruiningherhairandmakeup.
Ididn’ttouchherinthehouse,butthemomentwegottothecar,Iputuptheprivacyshield,liftedherlegsovermyshoulders,andateheroutuntilshecametwice.Inreturn,shegavemeoneofthequickestblowjobsofmylife.Iwasprimedandreadyfromhertasteonmylips,soitdidn’ttakelong.EvenifIwasn’tallowedtopullonherhairlikeInormallylovetodo.Bothsatisfied,wemadeourwayintotheBeverlyHillshireHotel,whichmadeLottielaugh,giventhestartofourrelationship,anditsPrettyWomanvibe.
“Thedressisperfect,babe.Ipromise,youlookamazing.”Ikisshercheekandthenleantowardherear.“Sogoddamnamazingthatit’stakingeverylastounceofmycontroltonotfuckyourighthereinthishallway.”
MyhandpressestothecurveofherhipandImoveheragainstthewall.
“Huxley,”shesaysbreathlessly.
“Youcan’tsaymynamelikethat.You’regoingtomakemehard,”Iwhisper,placingakissonherneck.Shetiltsherheadtotheside.“Babe,you’retauntingme.”
“You’retheonedoingthetaunting,”shesaysasIkissthespotbeneathherear.Shelightlymoans.
“Lottie…doyouwantmetofuckyourighthere—”
“Excuseme,we’rehostingahighschoolreunionhere,”ashrillvoicesays.
WhenIpullaway,I’mmetwithawomaninabubblegum-coloreddress.There’samanattachedtoherarm,buthehonestlylooksfake.There’snoconnectioninhiseyes,nocaring.It’sasifhe’sjustpresent.WhenIfinallynoticethewomanspeakingtous,Irealizeit’sAngela.
“Oh,Lottie,”Angelasays,placingherhandonherchest.Iwatchashereyesrakeovermyfiancée.Herlipsturndown,andIknowrightthenandthere,she’sjealous.WhenLottie’shandclutchesaroundmine,IknowLottiesawittoo.“Ididn’trealizethatwasyou.”Angelaturnstome.“Huxley,howareyou?”
Ihatethatshethinkswe’refriends.
“Great,”Ianswer,liftingLottie’shandandplacingakissonthebackofherknuckles,thesamehandthatbearsherengagementring.Angela’seyeslandonitandshehasaveryhardtimemaskingheremotionsasjealousyripsthroughher.“SorryaboutthatPDA,butmygirlisstunninginthisdressandIcan’tseemtokeepmyhandsoffher.ShemademeswearIwouldn’truinherhairandmakeup.IthinkIdidagoodjobofthatinthecar,don’tyou?”
Hereyesnarrowbutthenshemustrealizeshehastoputonashow,becauseshestraightensupandleansagainstherman,whois,unfortunatelyforAngela,checkingoutanotherwoman.
“Oh,yes,BradandIhadahardtimecontrollingourselvesinthecaraswell.Themanishornyallthetime.”
Hedoesn’tacknowledgeher,butinsteadbitesthecornerofhislipasablondewalksby.
“WhathappenedtoKen?”Lottieasks.
Angeladismissivelywavesherhand.“Hegotboring.”
Aka,hebrokeupwithher.
“ButBradandIarejusthavingthebesttime.Isn’tthatright?”ShetugsonBrad’sarm.
“I’mgoingtogotothebathroom,”hesays,takingoffwithoutanotherword,followingthatblonde.
Stillputtingonahappyface,Angelaasks,“So,haveyoutwoactuallysetadate?”
“Decembertenth,”Lottiesays.“We’regoingtoTulumandflyingourclosestfriendsandfamilydownforatwo-week-longweddingcelebration.”
“Oh,howexciting.”Angelaperksup,clearlymissingthemarkthatshe’snotinvited.“ShouldIbookmyflightnow?”
Really,reallyobtuse.
“No,that’sokay.We’llbefinegettingmarriedwithoutyou.”
Shefrowns.“Lottie,I’myourbestfriend.”
“Nope,that’snotaccurate.”Lottieshakesherhead.Herconfidenceismakingmesogoddamnhornyrightnow.Ihopeshedoesn’tplanonstayingatthisreunionverylong.“Butthankyouforthinkingsokindlyofme.”Lottiesmiles.“Oh,andhey,sorrytohearaboutyourtoptwosponsorspullingoutofadvertising.Thatmusthavebeenhard.”
Angela’sfrowndeepens.
“Iknowhowharditwastokeepthoseaccountshappy,asitwasalwaysmeensuringtheyhadeverythingtheyeverneeded.Suchashame,but,hey”—Lottiewinks—“atleastyou’resavingmoneywhenitcomestohiringmediocreemployees.”
Thatfrowngrowsevenmore.
“DidyouhappentoseeKelseyandIareinbusinessnow?Wejustsignedaone-million-dollarcontractwithDaveToney.We’reinwayoverourheadsandplanonhiringquiteafewhandstohelpusgetthejobdone.Don’tworry,though,we’llkeepthemediocreemployeesatyourdisposal.Weonlywantthebestsowepaythemwhattheydeserve.Anyway”—Lottiereachesupandpressesakisstomycheek—“I’mkindofoverthis.Wanttogogrababurger?”
Ismirk.“CaretoflytoPortland?I’mcravingKillerBurger.”
“Icouldn’tthinkofanythingmoreperfect.”LottieturnstoAngela.“Sonotnicetoseeyouagain.Takecare,Angela.”
Andwiththat,handinhand,wewalkoutofthehotelandstraighttowheremycariswaiting.Icallupmypilotandtellhimtomeetusattheairport.Mygirlwantsaburger,she’sgoingtogetone.
Aswedrivethroughthecity,IthinkabouthowluckyIam.
Ihadbeensowronginsomanyways.Insuggestingaflagrantdeceptionwasthewaytogetabusinessdeal.TothinkthatDave,whoI’dalwaysknowntobeastand-upguy,hadn’tbelievedinCaneEnterprisesallalong.TobelievethatthisgorgeouswomaninmyarmswascapableofthesortofbetrayalI’dsuggested.Ridiculous.I’mfuckinglucky.I’vehadtoeathumblepie,andIwon’tevertakeherforgrantedagain.NorwillIfabricateastorytogetadeal.
Lottieleansintomyembraceandgentlyliftsherlipstomyjaw.“Iloveyou,Huxley.”
“Iloveyou,too,babe.I’mproudofyou.Reallyfuckingproud.”
“Iwasn’ttoobitchy?”
“Youwereincrediblybitchy,butIlovedit.”
Shechuckles.“Thatlastjabwasmaybeuncalledfor,butIcouldn’thelpmyself.”
“Doyouhaveclosure?”
Shenods.“Verymuchso.Thankyou.”
“Noneedtothankme,babe.Youdidthisallonyourown.”
“YoumeansnagarichhusbandbyhaphazardlygettinglostinTheFlats?”
Thebestdamndayofmylife.ThankfuckAngelawastrulythatvacuoustofireLottie.
“Exactly.YouhavenoideahowgladIamthatyoulostyourwaythatday,andthatyousaidyestomycrazyproposal.”
“Well,Ihavetosay,Ilikedyourmostrecentproposalevenmore.”
“Andyousaidyes.”
“AndIsaidyes.”
ThankGod.
“Angelawasverywrongaboutmanythings,youknow.”
“Oh,Iknow,butwhatdoyoumean?”
“You’remybestfriend,Lottie.Andmylifeisonlybetterforit.Iloveyou,wife-to-be.”
“AndIloveyou,husband-to-be,evenwithallyourcrazy.”
Ilaughandthenblowhermindwithadeepandpassionatekiss.Mygorgeous,sexy,incrediblegirl.Lifewillneverbeboringwiththisspitfirebymyside.Rainydayswillneverbedismal.Lifewillbefun,adventurous,crazy,andbetterthanIeverthoughtlifecouldbe.BetterthanIeverdeserved.
***
Keepreadingforanexcerptfrommysteamyteacherromance,EarnYourExtraCredit
ReadallofMeghan’sbooksinKindleUnlimited.Excerpt–EarnYourExtraCredit
Prologue
ROMEO
“DoyouwanttositnexttoStellaontheairplane?”Arloasks.
“What?Fuck,no,”IsaywhileturningupthegamesoIcanheartheannouncersovermytedious,wedding-planningbestfriend.
ArlosnatchestheremotefrommyhandandturnsofftheTV.Theroomissilentforamomentbeforeuproariousobjectionsfilltheair.
“Gentryisupnext,”Gunner,myotherbestfriendandformerteammate,complainsfromnexttome.“He’sthreeforthreesofar.”
“Weneedtotalk,”Arlosaysinthatstern,alpha-likevoicethatwonoverhisfiancée.Littledoesheknowitdoesn’tworkonme.
Ireachfortheremotebutheswatsmyhandwitharesoundingthud,causingmetoyankmyhandback.“Whattheactualfuck,man?”
WhenIdecidedtohavetheguysovertomyloft,Iassumedwe’dtearupsomewings,drainsomebrews,andwatchtheBobbiesgame.NeverinmywildestfuckingdreamswouldIhavepicturedArloTurner,thegrumpycurmudgeonoftheForestHeightsEnglishdepartment,torollinlikeabeamingbride,holdingaweddingplanningfoldertohischest,andconsumethenightwithquestionsaboutwhatheshouldwearandifcoconutcakeistoo“Hawaiian-y”forhisMauidestinationwedding.
Buthereweare.
“Cutthecrap,Romeo.”
“Cutwhatcrap?”Ireachovertothecoffeetableandpickupmyalmostemptyglassofbeer.
“I’mnotabouttohavetheBickersonsattendmywedding,sowhatthehellisgoingonwithStella?”
“Nothingisgoingon,”Ianswer,thentakeasmallsipofmybeer,makingtheliquidlastsoIdon’thavetogetupforarefill.
Gunnerleansinandasks,“Ifwegettothebottomoftheproblem,canweturntheTVbackon?”
“Yes,”Arloanswers.
“Thenitwasthebaseballgamehetookherto.”
“Dude,”Isayinprotestwhilesittinguponthecouch.“Whatthefuckhappenedtodon’tsayanything?”
Gunnerunapologeticallyshrugs.“IreallywanttowatchtheBobbieskilltheRebelsininterleagueplay.”
“Whatbaseballgame?”Arloasks.“DoyoumeanthegameyoutookherandCorato?”
“Yup.”Gunnerpopsachipinhismouthfromthebowlonthecoffeetable.“ExceptCorawasn’tsupposedtogo.Itwassupposedtobeadaaate,”Gunnerdragsout.
“YouaskedStellaout?”Arloasks,shocked.
“Waytosellmeoutforagame,youdick.”
Notshowinganounceofremorse,Gunnerstandsfromthecouchandtakesmyglassfromme.“I’lltopyouoff.You’llneedit.”
Seething,Ipassmyhandovermyheadandsay,“Yeah,Iaskedherout.SheinvitedCora.Endofstory.”
“That’snottheendofthestory,”Gunnersaysfromthekitchen,theopenconceptofmyloftallowinghisvoicetocarrytouseasily.
Whenyouthinkafriendistrustworthyandthentheygoandshockyourfuckingnutsrightoffbydivulgingeverythingyoutoldtheminsecret…withoutevenablinkofaneye.Gunnerisdeadtome.
You’reprobablywonderingwhyIdidn’tsayanythingtoArloaboutwhathappened,givenhe’soneofmybestfriends,right?It’ssimple.GunnergotmedrunkandIrelishedinthecomfortoffartoomanycoldbeersandalisteningear.Ifitwasn’tforthat,I’dhavekeptmymouthshut,becausetheentireincidentwasfuckinghumiliating.
Betweenyouandme,I’velikedStellaGarcia,theSpanishteacheratForestHeights,forawhilenow.Fartoolongactually.Ican’tquitepinpointwhenithappened,butallIknowisoverthethreeyearsI’veknownher,I’vebeenpiningafterthegirlforthemajorityofthetime.
Fuckingbold,quick-wittedwithasharptongue,lovessports,shywhenitcounts.Flat-outgorgeouswithherlong,wavybrownhairandfascinatinggreeneyesthathavearingofbrownaroundthepupil.She’shadmyattentionforawhileandlastyear,Idecidedtofinallymakeamove.
Enoughwasenough.Wesharedtoomanydinnerstogetherasfriends.She’spressedherlipstomybeerglasswithoutasecondthoughtwaytoomanytimes.Themomentpresenteditself,Igrewapair,andaskedherouttoabaseballgameknowingsheloveswatchingthesportasmuchasIdo.
Butfuckdiditbackfire.
“What’stheendofthestory?”Arloasks,growingagitated.Hispatiencerunsthin,whichissurprising,givenhisprofessionofeducatingtheyouth.
He’snotgoingtodropit.
Arlo’srelentlesswhenhewantstoknowsomething.
Draggingmyhanddownmyface,Isay,“Itwassupposedtobeadate.”Gunnersitsnexttomeandhandsmemyrefilledglass,whichIgladlytake.“SheinvitedCora.Whichwasfine.Wehadagoodtime,IstillsatnexttoStella,andwesharedjokeseveniftherewasathirdwheel.Butitwaswhathappenedafterwardsthat—”
“Thatguttedhim,”Gunnerfinishesforme.WhenIsnapalookathim,hesmirks.“That’swhatyoutoldme.JustthoughtI’dhelptellthestory.”
“Iwasn’tgutted.”
MaybeIwasalittle.
Hell…Iwashumiliated.
Guttedisn’tastrongenoughwordforwhathappened.
“Whatthefuckhappenedafter?Christ.Whyareyoutakingsodamnlongtogettothepoint?”Arlopracticallygrowls.
“Goeasyonourguy.”Gunnergripsmyshoulder.“Hewasembarrassed,man.”
“It’sfine,I’moveritnow,”Isayinapassive-aggressivetone.
“You’reclearlynotifyouandStellacan’tevenbeinthesameroomtogether.Idon’twantanythingruiningthistripforGreer,andyourconstantarguingwithStellaisdrivingeveryonefuckingcrazy.”
“Great,thenIjustwon’ttalktoher.Simple.”
“Justtellhim,”Gunnersays,nudgingme.
Christ.
Staringdownatmybeer,Iquietlysay,“Shewenthomewithsomeoneelsethatnight.”
Theroomfallssilent.
Theydon’thavetoreactformetoknowwhattheymustbethinking.TheyknowI’velikedStellaforawhile.TheyknowI’vebeentryingtofigureoutawaytoaskherout.
Andthis…hell,thiswasanepicfailonmyend.
Itwouldn’tbeasbadifIweren’talreadycarryingachiponmyshoulderaboutthewayIwasforcedtotwistmylifearound.
Fiveyearsago,everythingchanged.
Fiveyearsago,Iwasstrippedoftheonethingthatbroughtmelife.
ArupturedAchillestendonendedeverythingforme.
Inevergotthechancetoappreciatemylastgame.
Ineverhadtheopportunitytositonthefieldandsaygoodbye.
Instead,playingprofessionalbaseballwasstrippedfrommeandIwasforcedtofallbackonmyteachingdegreeIearnedwhileplayingincollege.
TosayI’mbitter,resentful,andfuckingangry…yeah,that’sanunderstatement.
Ilivewithregretdailyandharbormoreanimositythananyoneshould.
So,whenItookStellatothegame,onadate,hopingtotellherhowIfeel,andshewenthomewithsomeoneelse,itfuckingstung.
Doyouknowwhatstungmore,though?
ThefactthatshelookedrightpastmeandinsteadwentforarookieontheBobbies.
Whygooutwithawashed-upbaseballplayerturnedphysedteacherwithaslightlimpinhiswalk,whenyoucangooutwithanunmarredprofessionalbaseballplayer?
Yeah.There’sresentmentforareason.Shechosethestar.That’swhoshewants.
That’swhoI’llneverbe.
Andthat’swhyIplanonstayingasfarawayfromStellaGarciaonthistripasIcan.
AndwhenwegetbacktoChicagoandtheschoolyearstarts,everythingwillgoonasplanned.
Avoid.Avoid.Avoid.
Tooeasy,right?
ChapterOne
STELLA
“Thisplaceisamazing,”Corasays,lostintheambianceofthegrandlobbyoftheFourSeasonsResortGreerandArlochosefortheirweddinglocale.
I’llgiveittothem,fantasticchoice.Thankstothetimedifference,wearrivedrightatnoon.Thecarservicethatpickedusupfromtheairportofferedusfreshfruit,snacks,andchampagne.Iindulgedinallofit.
AndIrealizedsomething—itmightbethetropicalbreeze,orthefactthatIcanalreadyfeelmybodystartingtorelax,butthepineappleheretastesathousandtimesbetterthanonthemainland.
Yup,I’musingtheterminologyalready.
“Greerinformedmeoftheabsenceofanypersonyoungerthantheagemajoritywhileweholiday,”Keiko,mywonderfullybrilliant,slightlyquirky,alwaysawkwardfriendsaysassheadjustsherglassesonhernose.ShewentalloutontheHawaiianprintswhenpackingforthetrip.Shewentwithalightblueprintfeaturingpalmtreesandrainbowsforherfirstday,tuckedintoapairofkhakiBermudashorts.
Cora,Arlo’ssister,andamemberofourLadiesinHeatBookClub,givesmeaconfusedlook.“Whatdidshesay?”
“Ithinkshe’stryingtotellustherewon’tbekidshere.”
“Affirmative,”Keekssayswhilereachingintoherpocketandpullingoutapairofsunglassesthatattachtoherglasses.“Shallwecombthegroundsandmakeourselvesfamiliarwiththeexoticvegetation?”
“Uh,IthinkI’mgoingtoheadtothebar,”Isay.“Afterthatflight,IneedaMaiTai.”
“Isecondthat.”
“Wastheflightunsettlingtoyou?”Keeksasks,confused.“Idon’trecallmuchturbulencenoranuproariousbabythatcoulddeteraflightfrombeingenjoyable.Infact,youhadtwoandahalfmimosas,theeggandbaconsandwich,whichtheflightattendantpairedwithalacklusterbowloffruit,astrawberryyogurtcup,andanuninspiringcroissant.Afteryounourishedyourselftosatisfaction,youdelightedinarolereversalromanticcomedy,WhatMenWant,andthenproceededtotakeslumberonmyshoulder,whereyousleepilysalivated,leavingaone-inchdiameterwetstainonmysleeve.Ifanyonehadaroughflight,itwouldbeme,havingtofendoffyourhotbreathonmyshoulderwhileIattemptedtocompeteinachallenginggameoftravelchessagainstmyself.”
DidImentionKeikohasnoproblemtellingitlikeitis?
Nordoesshehaveafilter.
“Mybreathwasn’thot,”Imutter.
“Allhumanbreathishot—”
“Okay,”Coracutsin,eyeswide.“Let’snotgetintothecoretemperatureofourbreath.IthinkStellawasreferringtothewayRomeowassneeringathertheentireflight.”
“Oh.”Keikonods.“Why,yes,Ididhappentoarrestacontemptuousglancefromhim.ButIconsideredtheobjectofhisdisdainfulglaretobethelusterlessfruitbowl.”
“Iwishitwerethefruitbowl,”Isaywhilescoopingmylonghairupandquicklytyingitintoaknotonthetopofmyheadwithmyhairband.“HehassomethingagainstmeandIdon’tknowwhatitis.”
“Ifeelasthoughit’sbeengoingonformonths.Youtwohavenotbeenfuntobearound,”Corasays.
“WhichiswhyIdon’tplanonbeingaroundhimatallduringthistrip.”Itakeinadeepbreathandlettheoceanbreezewashoverme.“ThisismytimetorelaxandenjoywatchingGreermarrythemostpompousandarbitrarymanI’veevermet.Now,ifyou’llexcuseme,Ineedadrink.”
IheadtowardthebarwhenKeikosays,“Althoughrelaxationofthehumanspiritismuchneededwhenbaskingintheglowofparadise,haveyouforgottenaboutthedetaileditinerary?”
IpausemidstrideandswivelonmyheeltofaceKeeks.“Uh…what?”
Sheadjustsherglasses,chintiltedup.“Theitinerary.Itwasattachedtoyourflightinformation.Therearequiteafewexcursionsthehappycoupleplannedforthegroup.”
“Oh,yeah,”Corasays.“Iremembersomethinglikethat.TherewassomesortofchocolatetourIwasexcitedabout.”
“Itinerary?”Igroan.“Isitmandatory?”
“Indeed,”Keekssays.“TheArloandGreercompanywereallsummonedtotheexcursions,whichwouldincludeRomeo.”
“Iconnectedthedots,Keeks.”Isigh.“Well,whatever,doesn’tmeanIhavetotalktohim.It’llbefine.Isthereanythinggoingontonight?”
Fromherpocket,Keikotakesoutapieceofrolled-uppaperand,asifit’sapaperscroll,sheunravelsitandholdsitlikethetownsquireabouttoannounce“hearye,hearye.”Hereyestraveloverthepaperandshesays,“Aftergivingtheitineraryaquickoverview,tonightisscheduledasfreetime.”
“ThankGodforthat.”
“Aswellastomorrow.”
“Hey,”Isay,smiling.“See?Thisisstartingtobebetterthanwethought.”ItakeCora’shandinmine.“Let’sgetadrink.”
“Itwouldbehooveyoutohydrateafteralongflight,”Keekscallsout.
“That’swhatweplanondoing,”Isayovermyshoulder.“HydratingwithMaiTais.”
Inthedistance,Keikostartsrattlingoffhowalcoholactuallydehydratesthehumanbody,butwepressforwardwithonethingonourminds—tropicalinebriation.
***
“Ilikerum,”Isay,lickingtherimofmyglassratheraggressively.“I’veneverbeenthisattractedtorum,butI’mfeeling…”Ipauseandrollmyheadtotheside.“DareIsay,Imighthaveacrush?”
“I’vehadacrushonliquorbefore,”Corasayswhilesuckingontheendofacherrystem.“Itendedpoorly.Webrokeupthenextmorningwhilemybodyrevoltedovergivingtheintoxicatingbeverageachance.”
“Whatwasit?”
“Fireball.”
IwinceandgivetherimofmyglassonemorelickbeforetippingbacktherestofmyMaiTai.“Fireballisadeviousbastard.Grabsyourattention,makesyoufeelallwarminside,andthenBAM!”Ismackthetable.“Trouble.That’swhatitis…justtrouble.”
“Fireballislikethebadboyyoushouldstayawayfrom.”
Inod.“IfFireballhadamodeoftransportation,itwouldbeamotorcycle,andyouknowFireballwouldn’twearahelmet.”
“Oracondom,”Coraadds.“Fireballistoogoodforacondom.Foranyprotection.”
“FireballsaysFUCKcondomsandthenshootsitsloadonyourback.”Igesturewithmyhand.
“Andit’sacinnamonyload.”
“Somuchcinnamon.”Isighandsitup.TurningtofaceCora,Isay,“Ibelievewe’vereachedthethresholdoflovingMaiTaisorhatingMaiTais.Ifwedrinkonemore,we’regoingtoregretourdecisions,butifwestophere,we’llrememberhowmuchMaiTaismakeusfeelvaluedandrespected,unliketheshrewdFireball.”Ipressmyhandtohersandspeakwithmyheart.“Iwantalong-termrelationshipwithMaiTais,ameaningfulvacationflingthatwillmeansomethingtomewhenI’msixtyandthinkingaboutmyyoungeryears.Idon’twanttoberesentfulandrigidwhenthinkingaboutthem…likehowyoufeelaboutFireball.”
Shenods.“IhearyouandIseeyou.”Shedropshercherrystemtothecounterandtakesadeepbreath.“IneedaPop-Tart.”
“Pop-Tartsbytheocean,”Isay,theideasograndinmyheadthatIcan’timaginedoinganythingelse.Ican’tpossiblyfathomsomethingbringingmemorejoy.Itapthebartopandsaytothebartender,“Dearsir,weshalltaketwoPop-Tarts.”
Thebartender,whosenamewedon’tknow,turnstomeandsays,“Sorry,ladies,wedon’thavePop-Tartshere,butyoucouldcheckthegiftshop.”
“You’reagem.”Ismileathim.“We’dliketocloseourtab.”
Hechuckles.“Ihaveitonyourroom.Justneedyoursignature.”HeslipsmeareceiptattachedtoaboardandIquicklysignacrossandupthepaper,andthendrawapalmtreeaftermyname.Ihandthereceiptbacktohimandsay,“Thepalmtreeisalittletreatforyou.”
“Thatwasverykindofyou.Letusknowifyouneedanythingelse…likeashotofFireball,”hesayswithasmirk.
MyeyeswidenasCoragaspsnexttome,handtoherchest.“Howdareyoubringupanex-lover?Youknowwe’reinaweakenedstate.”
“That’swhyFireballisthebadboyofliquor.Itdoesn’tcareaboutyourfeelings;itjustkeepsyoucomingbackformore.”
IstandfrommychairasCorareachesoutherhand.“No,”Isayintoherear.“You’restrong.Youdon’tneedFireball.It’snotgoodtoyou.Itdoesn’tcareaboutyourfeelings.”Iwrapmyarmaroundherchestandslowlypullherawayfromthebar.
“Itlovesme.”
“Itdoesn’t,”Isnapbackandthencalmmyvoicetoawhisper.“It…doesn’t.”
Resigned,shenods,andIholdherhand,guidingherawayfromhertoxiclover.Ourflip-flopssnapagainstthebeigetileaswedrunkenlynavigatethroughtheluxurioushotel.Withalackofwalls,theentirelobbyanddiningareaareopentotheseabreezeandlitupbystrategicallyplacedtikitorches.FaintHawaiianmusicplaysinthebackground,andbecausethehotelisn’tcrowdedthisweekendandisfreeofkids,it’squiet.Serene.JustwhatIneed.
Yes,IdobelieveI’llhavealoveaffairoverthenexttwoweeks.AloveaffairwithMaiTais,thesun,andthesand.
“Thankyouforbeingthereforme,”Corasaysquietly.“Whatyoujustsawwasalowpoint.Bottomofthebarrel.I’mhopingit’sonlyupfromhere.”
“Ipassnojudgement.Iknowwhatit’sliketobeinaweakmomentlikethat.It’shardtoseepastwhatyourheartwants.ButI’mproudofyou.Youheldstrong.NowwecanenjoyourPop-Tartsandthinkabouthowwe’restrong,confidentwomenwhodon’tneedFireballtomakeusfeelgood.”
Coragivesmeasidehug.“I’msogladyou’rehere.Iwasfeelinglikethethirdwheelcomingonthisvacation.Itseemsasthougheveryoneishookedupwithsomeone.ArloandGreer,GunnerandLindsay,KeikoandKelvin—well,whenhegetshere.Iassumedyou’dbetiedtoRomeothewholetime.”
“Ha!”Iletoutaloudguffaw.“Yeah,nothankyou.Trustme,therewillbenotyingmyselftoRomeo.”
Weturnthecornerandfindthegiftshop,whichisstillconvenientlyopen.“Themotherlandofsnacks,”Corawhispers.“DoyouthinktheyhavePop-Tarts?”
“Notsure,butifweputoutgoodvibes,wemightbeabletomanifestit.”Ipauseinourpursuittothestoreandtakeadeepbreath.“DearHawaii,pleaseprovideuswiththesweet,sugarynectarfromKellogg’s.”
“Preferablyblueberrynectar,”Coraadds.
“Blueberry,really?IneverpicturedyouasablueberryPop-Tartgirl.You’remorelikeabrownsugar.”
“What?Howso?”
Iloopmyhandthroughherarmandcontinuetowalktowardthestorewhiledivulgingmylogic.“You’refancy.Youhaveaposhupbringing.I’mnotsayingyou’rethekindofgirlwhowouldfrownuponaPop-Tart,butyoudohaveamorerefinedpalate,andinmyhead,brownsugarismorerefinedthananartificialfruitflavoring.”
“They’reallartificiallyflavored,butIunderstandwhatyou’resaying.”Shegivesitsomethought.“Youknow,Iamabrownsugarkindofgirl.IfI’mgoingtoeataPop-Tart,byGod,itwillbefancy.”
Westepintothestoreandwe’regreetedbytheattendantbehindtheregister.“Aloha.”
“Aloha,”Isay,divingrightintotheculture.Lookatme.MaiTaisandalohas.Nextthingyouknow,I’llbefiringupthepitfortheluau.Isitcalledapit?Hmm,somethingIneedtolookinto.IfI’mfiringitup,Ineedtoknowtheterminology.
“CanIhelpyoufindanything?”
Handsclaspedtogether,Coraasks,“DoyouhavePop-Tarts?”
Theattendantsmilesandpointstothebackofthestore.“Withthesnacks.”
“Oh,thankGod.”Corabowsandthensays,“MeleKalikimaka.”
“ThatmeansMerryChristmas,younitwit,”Isay,laughing.
Corapauseswhiletheattendantlaughsaswell.“ItfeltlikeaMeleKalikimakamoment,didn’tit?”
“ThankGodyoudidn’thavetheFireball,”Isaywhiledragginghertowardtheback.
“Iwon’tseeheratChristmas.MaybeIwaswishingherMerryChristmasinadvance.That’sjustkind.”
“Isthatwhatyouweretryingtodo?”
Sheshakesherhead.“No,IthinkIwasgoingforGodbless.”
“Exactly.”Imovearoundarackofkidsouvenirshirts,andfromthecornerofmyeyespotthefamiliarbluepackage.“Gasp,”Isay.“Theretheyare.”
“Where?”Corawhipsaround,lookingfrantic.“Dotheyhavemyfancyflavor?”
IdirectherheadtowardthePop-TartsjustasIhear,“Stella?”
MyentirebodyfreezesastheauthoritarianvoiceIgrewupwithshakesmetomybones.Slowly,Iturnaroundandcomefacetofacewithmydad.Mydad,shirtless,wearingswimtrunksandastrawhat.
I’mgoingtotellyourightnow—thisisn’tnormal.
Growingup,mydadwasstraitlaced.Rigid,almost.Hewokeup,workedoutinthegarage,atebreakfastwiththefamily,andthenwenttowork,wherehedidsomethinglikecomputerprocessing.Stillnotquitesureonthedetails.Whenhe’dgethome,Momwouldhavethefoodonthetable,ready,andthenhe’dcheckoverourhomeworkwhileMomcleanedthekitchen.Ifwewereluckyandhewasinagoodmood,he’dplayaroundofcardswithmeandmysisters.Heworeabutton-upshirtuntilhehadtotakeitofftogotobed,andhishairwasalwaysperfectlypartedtothesideandslickeddownwithgel.Notahairoutofplace.Alwaysafreshlyshavenface.
ThatisnotthemanI’mlookingatrightnow.Yes,hemighthavethesamesternlookinhisdeepchocolateeyes,butthat’sasfarasitgoeswhenitcomestothemanIknowasmyfather.
“Dad?”Iask,stillunsureifit’shim.
“Stelly,haveyoubeendrinking?”
Myspineimmediatelystiffens,andI’mabouttoanswerwhenCoratumblesintome.“Ohyes.TheMaiTaisarefantasticandweplanonprocuringalong-lastingrelationshipwiththemwhilehere,butdon’tworry,Mr.Stella’sDad,westayedawayfromFireball.”Shetapshernoseandthenpointsatmydad.“We’rekeepingitclassy.”
Yup…reallyclassy.
Mydadhasneverseenmedrunk.
Andthefearcoursingthroughmeofactinglikeafoolinfrontofhimisreal.
Buttomyshock,hesays,“TheMaiTaisjustabouttookmedownlastnight.”
Umm…
What?
Dadreacheshishandoutandsays,“I’mDonny.”
Inearlychokeonmyownsaliva.Donny?
**EYESPOPOUT**
DONNY?
Uh…neverinmyENTIREtwenty-nineyearshasmydadEVERreferredtohimselfasDonny.He’salwaysbeenDonald,andnothingelse.
DonaldGarciawiththepressedpants.
DonaldGarciawiththesensibleVolkswagen,whichwasn’tallowedtobeeatenin
DonaldGarciawhowouldpolishhisshoesatnightasarelaxationtechnique.
NeveroncewasheevercalledDonny.MymomnevercalledhimDonny.Shewouldn’tdare.Maybethat’swhytheyfelloutoflove—theinabilitytocalleachothernicknames.
No.Iknowwhytheydivorced.
Theyneverreallylovedeachother.Throwntogetherbytheirparents,theymarried,hadkids,raisedthem,andwhenwewerealloutofthehouse,theycalleditquits.They’refriendlywitheachother,butnotfriendlyenoughtocalleachothernicknameslikeDonny.
“Coraline,buteveryonecallsmeCora.”Sheshakesmydad’shand.“Wow,whatasurprise,findingyourdaughterinHawaii,atthesameresort.Whataretheodds?”
Yeah,whataretheodds?
I’lltellyou.They’reslim,butthatseemstobethekindofluckIhave.
PerplexedandstilltryingtofigureoutifthisisasideeffectoftheMaiTais,Iask,“Dad,what,uh…whatareyoudoinghere?”
Herocksonhisheels.“Oh,youknow,justlivingthegoodlife.”
Okay.ThisisdefinitelytheMaiTais.There’snowayinhellmydadwouldeversaysomethinglikelivingthegoodlife.AndhereIthoughtI’dhavealong-lastingrelationshipwiththerumconcoction.
Ohhellno.Notifit’smakingmehavestrangeconversationswithmydadwherehesaysthingslikelivingthegoodlife
Chuckling,Ishakemyhead.“Sorry,Ithoughtyousaid‘livingthegoodlife.’TheseMaiTaismustbehittingmereallyhard.”
“No,that’swhathesaid,”Corasays.“AndIcouldn’tagreemore.Lifeistooshort.Wehavetoenjoyitwhenwecan.Bytheway,lovetheboardshorts.Menaresoscaredtoweartheshortones,but,dareIsay,greatlegs,Mr.Donny.”
“Why,thankyou.Yourfriendissmart.”Dadlooksatmeandsmilesbeforeopeninguphisarms.“Where’smyhug,Stelly?”
BeforeIcanevenconsiderwhatitwouldbeliketobepressedagainstmydad’snakedchest,heenvelopsmeagainsthim,andI’mcaughtupinthesmellofsunscreenandbeerashesnugglesmeagainsthisfurrychest.
Curlyhairsrubagainstmynose.
Hispecsencasemycheek.
AndIcanhonestlysay,I’veneverbeenthisintimatewithmyfather.
“It’sgoodtoseeyou.You’realwayssobusy,Inevergettoseeyouanymore.”Whenhepullsaway,ItrynottoflinchasIfeeltheimprintofmydad’sgraychesthairagainstmycheek.NotsureI’veeverseenhimshirtless,letalonehuggedthemanwhenhe’srunningaroundtopless.
Thisshopmustbeanotherdimension.Alternatereality.Athresholdforwhat-the-fucksituations.Ihatetosayit,butIdon’tthinkthePop-Tartsareworththetrouble.Andthat’ssayingalot,comingfromdrunkme.
“Whyaren’tyouvisitingwithyourdad?”Corachastisesme.
“What?”Iblink,stilltryingtocomprehendwhat’sgoingon.“Uh,Iteachalot.”
“Notduringthesummer.”
“Iteachworkoutclassesduringthesummer,”Isay,dazed.
“Whatkindofworkoutclasses?”afemalevoiceaskstomyright.
Nowwhothehellisthat?
Iturntoseewhospokeupwhenmyjawnearlyhitstheground.
No.
Fucking.
Way.
“StellaGarcia,asIliveandbreathe.”Turningtomydad,sheasks,“Donny,didyouplanthis?”
Dadrestshishandonhisstomachandinajollytonesays,“Ihadnoideashewashere.”
PleaseexcusemewhileIbracemyselfagainstaclothingrack.
Thecoolfabricofthesouvenirshirts,whichhavebeenhangingintheair-conditionedspace,areacontrasttomyheatedskin.
Whatinthefreshhellishappening?
AshleyBroome,myhighschoolnemesis,isstandinginfrontofme.Thegirlwhomademyfreshmanandsophomoreyearsonthevolleyballteamalivinghellisstanding…right…there…lookingatmewiththoseperfectblueeyes,longblondehairand—oh,wow.
Andshe’scallingmydadDonny.
Swallowingbackthebilethathasriseninmythroat,Isay,“Ashley.Wow,whatareyoudoinghere?”
Shelaughsandpushesatmyshoulderasifwe’vebeenfriendsforyears.“Oh,alwaysthejoker.”
Shestepstowardmydadand,inabsolutehorror,Iwatchassheslipsherhandintomydad’s.
Myeyeszeroinontheconnection.Myvisionbeginstotunnel.
She’sholdingontohim.
Butnotjustlike“ohno,Itrippedonmyho-ysandalsandIneedtobracemyself.”
No,she’sholdinghimasif—asif…shebelongstohim.
Asifthey’re—Iswallowbile—together.
Whatinthedevilishappening?
“We’reherecelebrating,”Ashleysays.
Mouthdry,myheartpounding,readytoescapemychest,Isay,“Celebratingwhat?”
Shechuckles,andIwatchasshetakesherotherhandandpressesitagainstmydad’snakedchest,justwheremycheekuncomfortablyrestedafewmomentsago.Shesmilesupathimasifhe’sherentireworld,andthat’swhenmyeyesseeit.
Theglintofadiamond.
Thesparkleofpromise.
Theeternalcommitmentbetweentwolovers.
No.
Nofuckingway.
There’snofucking—
“We’recelebratingourengagement,ofcourse.”
“Oh…shit,”CorawhispersnexttomeasIblinkrapidly,attemptingtocomprehendwhat’sunfoldinginfrontofme.
“Isn’titamazing?”Ashleyreachesoutandtakesmyhandinhers.“I’mgoingtobeyournewmom.”
I…
There’s…
WHAT?
That’sit.
NomoreMaiTais.HereIthoughtitwasFireballthatwasgoingtowreckus,thatwasgoingtoswoopinwithitswildwaysandmakeusregretourdecisions.Wedidn’tgiveMaiTaiscreditwherecreditisdue.
Canwecueupaslowclapfortherumconcoction?Because,welldoneonthemindfuckery.
Wellfuckingdone.
Boss-levelmindfuckery.
Bringingaparenttoanislandinthemiddleoftheocean,changinghispersonalitycompletely,andthenattachinghimtothegirl—twoyearsmysenior—whousedtotorturemeallthroughoutvolleyballpractice.Notjustattaching,butmarryinghim.
Ha.
Oh,goodone.
Thisisreallyfreakinggood.
“Whyareyouslowclapping?”Coraasksme.
Ilookdownatmyhands—they’removingwithoutmyknowledge.Ishakemyhead.“Can’ttellyou,butIdothinkI’mhavingsomesortofweirdepisode.”Iclearmythroat.“IthinktherewassomethingintheMaiTaisthat’smakingmedelusional.”Iswallow,mysalivafeelinglikeabouldertryingtosqueezedownmythroat.Clutchingthebackofmyneck,Isay,“Yousee,IthoughtIsawmydadinHawaiiandengagedtoagirltwoyearsolderthanme.”
“She’stwoyearsolderthanyou?”Surprised,Coralookspastmeandasks,“What’syourskincareroutine?Yourskinisflawless.”
“Aw,thankyou,”Ashleysays,makingmenearlyjumpoutofmyflip-flops.“Butthisisjustme,nothingspecial.Ijustseemtobelucky.”Shepushesmyshoulderagain.“ButIdorecallsomeonehavingatremendousamountofacneinhighschool.Looksasthoughyou’reallclearedupnow,Stella.Goodforyou.”
Stilluneasy,Ifacethesightinfrontofme,mydadlookingjolly—yes,freakingjolly—holdingAshleyBroome’shand,herbosomhighandlargeandinyourface,apinksarongwrappedaroundherstomachmakingherlooklikeHawaiiBarbie.
Thisisreal.
Thisisactuallyrealandhappening.
MydadisengagedtoAshleyBroome,anabsolutewitch.
“I’msorry,Ididn’tcatchyourname,”AshleysaystoCora.
Waving,Corasays,“I’mCoraline,buteveryoneexceptmybrothercallsmeCora.Arlonevertooktothenickname.”
“Cora,nicetomeetyou.AreyouStella’spartner?”
“Partner?”Coraasks.“Ohhh,likeherlover?”Corastartsgigglinglikeamoron.
“No,she’snot,”Isay.
“Oh,sorry.Shejustseemedlikeyourtype,”Ashleysaysoffhandedly.
Mydadclearshisthroat.“Iwasn’tawarethatyoulikewomen.Isthisanewdevelopment?”
“What?No,”Inearlyshout.
“Wealwaysthoughtshewasintogirls,”Ashleysays.
“Who’swe?”Iask.
Whatishappeningrightnow?Whyismysexualorientationapointoftopic?AndwhyisAshleybringingitup?Notthatitwouldbeabadthingtobegay.Ienvylesbiansattimes,nothavingtodealwiththedisgustingintricaciesofthemalepopulation.Isittoomuchtoasktowashyourhandsafteryougotothebathroom?Youtouchyourprivatepartstopee,thereforeWASHYOURHANDS.TheamountoftimesI’veseenmaleteacherscomeoutoftheteachers’loungebathroomwithdryhandsis—
“Kristin,Tiffany,andMadison,”Ashleyanswers,interruptingmythoughts.“WeactuallythoughtyouandMcKennawereasecretcouple.”
“No.”Ishakemyhead.“Shewasmybestfriend.”
“McKennawouldspendthenightoftenatourhouse,”Dadsays,araisetohisbrow.
“Becauseshewasmybestfriend.”
“You’dgiggleinthebackofthebusonschooltrips.”
“BecauseshewasmyFRIEND!”Ishout,drawingattentionfromtheshopattendant.
“Well,itdoesn’tmatter.”Ashleywavesmeoff.“Iwasjustconfusedbecauseyourdadwastellingmeyou’veneverbeeninarelationship,soIfiguredyouwerejusthidingyourself.”AshleytouchesmeagainonthearmandIswearifshedoesitagain,I’ll—“It’sokaytobeopenwithme.I’mgoingtobeabigpartofyourlife.I’mquitematernal.Ifyouwanttocomeouttome—”
“Ihaveaboyfriend,”Ishout,surprisingCoraandmyself.
“What?Sincewhen?”Coraasks,takingastepbacktolookmeupanddown.
Christ,ifonlyshecouldreadaroom.
Jawclenched,Isay,“Uh,we’vebeenkeepingitsecret.”
“OhmyGod,whoisit?”Coraasks,completelyoblivious.
Itrytocommunicatetoherwithouttalkingbutwe’rebothtoowastedtohaveanysortofmindreadingcommunicationtranslatedsoIsay,“Uh,he’s,uh…”Think.Think,Stella.Who’syourboyfriend?
ChrisPine.
ChrisEvans.
ChrisHemsworth.
No,no,no.WhyisChrisinmyheadrightnow?
Thinkofaname.
Anyname.
Aman’sname…
“Romeo,”IsaybeforeIcanstopmyself.
Ohno.
“Shut…UP,”Corashouts.“God,Iknewit.Ifreakingknewit.ItoldGreertheotherdayyoutwoweretotallytogetherandputtingonafront.”Sheparadesaroundthesmallspaceinthebackofthestore,fist-pumpingtheairwithcertainty.“Ican’twaittotellGreerandshoveitinherface.Thisisfantastic.Andhe’shere,inMaui.OhmyGod,areyoutwosneakingofftobewitheachother?”
“Uh,no,it’snot—”
“He’shere?”Ashleyasks,jumpingupanddown,herboobsbobbingwithher.“OhmyGod,Donny,weneedtomeethim.Tomorrownight,let’shavedinnertogether.”
Andthisiswhyyoudon’tsayanamepeopleknow.
Damnyou,MaiTais,we’redone.
Youhadyourchance,andyoudidn’tplayyourcardsright.It’soverbetweenus
“Youknow,Idon’tthinkthat’sagoodidea.”
“Oh,soyou’renotreallytogetherthen?”Ashleyasks,achallengingglintinhereye.
Andthatrightthere,thatonelook,pushesmeovertheedge.
Somethinginmesnaps.
Maybeit’stheathleteinme.
Maybeit’stheMaiTais.
Maybeit’smyjealousbreastswhowishtheywereasperkyandniceasAshley’s,butIuptheanteonthedelusionalsituationIseemtobein.
“Oh,we’retogether.We,uh…we’reactuallyengagedtoobutwe’renotsayinganythingsincewe’rehereonourfriends’weddingtrip.”
“You’reENGAGED?”Corabringsherhandstoherheadinuttershock.
Ugh,howcouldIforgetshewasstillhere?
IgnoringCora,Isay,“So,yeah,happyandinlove.”
“Stelly,I’msohappyforyou,”DadsaysinawarmtoneashescoopsmeupintoahugandpressesakisstothetopofmyheadlikeheusedtowhenIwasgrowingup.“Thiscallsforcelebration.”Heholdsmyshouldersandlooksmeintheeyes.“Tomorrownight,dinner.You,me,Ashley,andRomeo.I’lltextyouthedetails.”
Ashleysmilesatme.“Ican’twait.”Andthenshecomesuptomeandpullsmeintoahug.“We’regoingtohavethebestmother-daughterrelationship.”Whensheletsgoofme,shepinchesmycheekandthenstepsaway.Givingmeasmallonce-over,shesays,“Andmaybewhileyou’reherewecangoshoppingtogether,getyousomethingmore…modern?”
“Thatwouldmakemeveryhappy,seeingyoutwospendsometimetogether.”
OvermydeadandMaiTai’dbody.
Dadtipsmychinup.“Seeyoutomorrow.”AndthenwithhishandtoAshley’slowerback,heguidesheroutofthesouvenirshop.
LeaningagainstthewallwithanopenPop-Tartpackage—whendidshegrabthat?—Corasays,“Wow,justwow.Familyreunion,twosecretengagements,andnoFireballtoskewourthoughts.Whatanight.”
IswatthePop-TartawayandwatchithitthefloorbeforelookingintoCora’seyes.“We’renotengaged,norareweinarelationship,norhaveweevercomeclosetotouchingeachother.Ijustsaidthattosaveface.”
“What?”Corawhines.“Ugh,comeon.Youliterallyjustpeedallovermyparade.”
“Ugh,youjusthadtoescalateitwithyouroohingandahhing.”
“Ididn’toohandahh,andwhyareyoulying,anyway?”
“Uh,didyounothappentonoticethatmydadisengagedtoawomantwoyearsolderthanme?Orbetteryet,toawomanwhowasmyarchenemyinhighschool?”
Coragasps.“Noooooo,really?Ooo,plottwist.”
“No,notplottwist.Thisismylife.”
Corastartstogiggle.Thensnorts.Loudly.“Howdoyousupposeyou’regoingtogettheMasterofSneertoattenddinnerwithyou?”
Shit.
ThingsIdidn’tthinkthrough.
Ugh…crap.
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TheRightSideofForever
TheBlueLineDuet
(Anepicromancewithmanytwistsandturns)
TheUpsideofFalling
TheDownsideofLove
TheDatingbyNumbersSeries
(Adventurousdatingseriesfulloflaughoutloudmomentsandveryheatedscenes)
ThreeBlindDates
TwoWeddingCrashers
BackintheGame
OneBabyDaddy
TheBinghamtonSeries
(Fullofheart,humor,andheatandsomeHOTCONSTRUCTIONWORKERS)
Co-Wrecker
MyBestFriend’sEx
TangledTwosome
TheOtherBrother
StandaloneNovels
TheMotherRoad
(Afamilyroadtripromanticcomedy)
NewlyExposed
(Maytheforcebewiththismalemodel,aromanticcomedy)
DearLife
(Alifechangingcontemporaryromance)
TheStrokedSeries
(HOTsportsromancewithplentyofhumor)
STROKED
STROKEDLONG
STROKEDHARD
TheJettGirlSeries
(Sassy,eroticromancewithagorgeous,protectivealphamale)
BourbonSins
BourbonDeceit
BourbonKingdom
BourbonTruths
TheLoveandSportsSeries
(NewAdult,Footballsportsromancewithplentyoftwists)
FairCatch
DoubleCoverage
ThreeandOut
TheHot-LantaSeries
(Myfirstseriesever.Baseballsportsromancewithlotsofdrama!)
CaughtLooking
PlayingtheField
WarningTrack
HitandRun