CONTENTS
ITheLovers
IIHusbandandWife
IIITheSisters
IVMotherandChild
Ifyoucouldgoback,whowouldyouwanttomeet?I
TheLovers
‘Ohgosh,isthatthetime?Sorry,Ihavetogo,’themanmumbledevasively,ashestoodupandreachedforhisbag
‘Eh?’thewomansaid.
Sheglaredwithuncertainty.Shehadn’theardhimsayitwasover.Buthehadcalledher–hisgirlfriendofthreeyears–tocomeoutforaseriousconversation…andnowhehadsuddenlyannouncedhewasgoingtoworkinAmerica.Hewastoleaveimmediately–inafewhours.Evenwithouthearingthosewords,sheknewnowthattheseriousconversationwasaboutbreakingup.Sheknewnowitwasamistaketohavethought–tohavehoped–thattheseriousconversationmighthaveincluded‘Willyoumarryme?’forexample.
‘What?’themanrespondeddryly.Hedidn’tmakeeyecontactwithher.
‘Don’tIdeserveanexplanation?’sheasked.
Thewomanspokeusinganinterrogativetonethemanparticularlydisliked.Theywereinawindowlessbasementcafe.Thelightingwasprovidedbyjustsixshadedlampshangingfromtheceilingandasinglewalllampneartheentrance.Apermanentsepiahuestainedthecafeinterior.Withoutaclock,therewasnowaytotellnightandday.
Therewerethreelargeantiquewallclocksinthecafe.Thearmsofeach,however,showeddifferenttimes.Wasthisintentional?Orweretheyjustbroken?Customersontheirfirstvisitneverunderstoodwhytheywerelikethis.Theironlyoptionwastochecktheirwatches.Themandidlikewise.Whilelookingatthetimeonhiswatch,hestartedrubbinghisfingersabovehisrighteyebrowwhilehislowerlipbegantoprotrudeslightly.
Thewomanfoundthatexpressionparticularlyexasperating.
‘Andwhyareyoulookinglikethat?LikeI’mtheonebeingapain?’sheblurtedout.
‘I’mnotthinkingthat,’herepliedsheepishly.
‘Yesyouare!’sheinsisted.
Withbottomlipagainprotruding,heevadedherstareandofferednoreply.
Theman’spassivebehaviourwasinfuriatingthewomanmoreandmore.Shescowled.‘Youwantittobemewhosaysit?’
Shereachedforhercoffee,fromwhichallheathadnowgone.Withthesweetestpartoftheexperiencelost,itsenthermoodplummetingfurther.
Themanlookedathiswatchagainandcountedbackfromtheboardingtime.Hehadtoleavethecafeverysoon.Unabletocomposehimselfanybetter,hisfingershadfoundtheirwaybacktohiseyebrow.
Thesightofhimsoobviouslyhungupaboutthetimeannoyedher.Sherecklesslyplunkedthecupdownonthetable.Itcamedownhardonthesaucer.Clang!
Theloudnoisestartledhim.Hisfingers,whichhadbeenbusycaressinghisrighteyebrow,begantopullathishair.Butthen,aftertakingashortdeepbreath,hesatbackdownandlookedherintheface.Allofasudden,hisfacewascalm.
Infact,theman’sfacehadsoclearlychangedthatthewomanwasquitetakenaback.Shelookeddownandstaredatherhandsclenchedonherlap.
Themanwhohadworriedabouttimedidn’twaitforthewomantolookup.‘Now,look…’hestarted.
Nolongermuttering,hesoundedcollectedandtogether.
Butasifshewasactivelytryingtostopshorthisnextwords,thewomansaid,‘Whydon’tyoujustgo?’Shedidn’tlookup.
Thewomanwhowantedanexplanationnowrefusedtohearit.Themansatmotionlessasiftimeitselfhadstopped.
‘It’stimeforyoutogo,isn’tit?’shesaid,aspetulantlyasachild.
Helookedatherperplexed,asifhedidn’tunderstandwhatshemeant.
Asifshewasawareofhowchildishandunpleasantshesounded,sheuncomfortablyavertedhereyesfromthemanandbitherlip.Herosefromhisseat,andspoketothewaitressstandingbehindthecounter.
‘Excuseme,I’dliketopay,’hesaidinasmallvoice.
Themantriedtograbthebill,butthewoman’shandwaspressingdownonit.
‘I’mgoingtostayabitlonger…soI’llpay,’waswhatshemeanttosay,buthehadpulledoutthebillfromunderherhandwitheaseandwaswalkingtothecashregister.
‘Together,thanks.’
‘Oh,Isaidleaveit.’
Notmovingfromherchair,thewomanreachedoutherhandtotheman.
Butthemanrefusedtolookather.Hepulledoutathousand-yennotefromhiswallet.
‘Keepthechange,’hesaidashehandedthewaitressthenotetogetherwiththebill.Themanturnedhisfacefilledwithsadnesstothewomanforasplitsecond,ashepickeduphisbagandleft.
CLANG-DONG
‘…andthathappenedoneweekago,’saidFumikoKiyokawa.
Herupperbodyfloppedintoaheaponthetablelikeadeflatingballoon.Asshecollapsed,shesomehowavoidedspillingthecoffeecupinfrontofher.
ThewaitressandthecustomerseatedatthecounterwhohadbeenlisteningtoFumiko’sstorylookedateachother.
BeforeFumikohadfinishedseniorhighschool,shehadalreadymasteredsixlanguages.AftergraduatingtopofherclassfromWasedaUniversity,shejoinedamajormedical-relatedITfirminTokyo.Byhersecondyearatthefirm,shewasalreadydirectingnumerousprojects.Shewastheepitomeofthesmart,career-drivenwoman.
Today,Fumikowasdressedinordinarybusinessattire:awhiteblouseandblackskirtandjacket.Judgingbyherappearance,shewasonherwayhomefromwork.
Fumiko’slookswerebetterthanordinary.Blessedwithwell-definedfeaturesandpetitelips,shehadthefaceofapopidol.Hermid-lengthblackhairshoneandcrownedherwithaglowinghalo.Despiteherconservativeclothes,herexceptionalfigurewaseasytodiscern.Likeamodelfromafashionmagazine,shewasabeautifulwomanwhowoulddrawanyone’sgaze.Yes,shewasawomanwhocombinedintelligenceandbeauty.Butwhethersherealizedthiswasadifferentmatter.
Inthepast,Fumikohadn’tbeenonetodwellonsuchthings–shehadlivedonlyforherwork.Ofcourse,thisdidn’tmeanshehadneverhadrelationships.It’sjustthattheyneverhadthesameallureforheraswork.‘Myworkismylover,’shewouldsay.Shehadturneddownapproachesfrommanymen,asthoughflickingawayspecksofdust.
ThemanshehadbeentalkingaboutwasGoroKatada.Gorowasasystemsengineer,andlikeFumiko,hewasemployedbyamedicalcompany,thoughitwasn’tamajorone.Hewasherboyfriend–hewasherboyfriend–andthreeyearsherjunior.Theyhadmettwoyearsagoviaaclientforwhichtheywerebothdoingaproject.
Oneweekago,GorohadaskedFumikotomeetfora‘seriousconversation’.Shehadarrivedatthemeetingplaceinanelegantpale-pinkdresswithabeigespringcoatandwhitepumps,havingcaughttheattentionofallthemenshehadpassedonthewaythere.ItwasanewlookforFumiko.Shewassuchaworkaholicthat,beforeherrelationshipwith
Gorohadsaidseriousconversation,andFumikohadinterpretedthisasmeaningthattheconversationwasgoingtobespecial.So,filledwithexpectation,shehadboughtanoutfitespecially
Theyarrivedattheirchosencafetofindasignonthewindowsayingitwasclosedduetounforeseencircumstances.FumikoandGoroweredisappointed.Thecafewouldhavebeenidealforaseriousconversationaseachtablewasinaprivatebooth.
Leftwithnochoicebuttofindanothersuitableplace,theynoticedasmallsigndownaquietsidestreet.Asitwasabasementcafe,theyhadnowayofknowingwhatitwaslikeinside,butFumikowasattractedbyitsname,whichcamefromthelyricsofasongsheusedtosingasachild,andtheyagreedtogoin.
Fumikoregrettedherdecisionassoonasshepeeredinside.Itwassmallerthanshehadimagined.Thecafehadcounterandtableseatsbutwithjustthreeseatsatthecounterandthreetwo-seatertables,itonlytookninecustomerstofilltheplace.
UnlesstheseriousconversationcurrentlyweighingonFumiko’smindwastobeheldinwhispers,theentirethingwouldbeoverheard.Anothernegativewasthewaythateverythingappearedasinsepiaowingtothefewshadedlamps…itwasnottohertasteatall
Aplaceforshadydeals…
ThatwasFumiko’sfirstimpressionofthiscafe.Shenervouslymadeherwaytotheonlyemptytableandsatdown.Therewerethreeothercustomersandonewaitressinthecafe.
Atthefurthesttablesatawomaninawhiteshort-sleeveddressquietlyreadingabook.Atthetableclosesttotheentrancesatadull-lookingman.Atravelmagazinewasspreadopenonthetableandhewasjottingmemosinatinynotebook.Thewomanseatedatthecounterworeabrightredcamisoleandgreenleggings.Asleevelesskimonojackethungonthebackofherchair,andshestillhadcurlersinherhair.SheglancedfleetinglyatFumiko,grinningbroadlyasshedid.AtseveralpointsduringFumikoandGoro’sconversation,thewomanmadearemarktothewaitressandletoffaraucouslaugh.
OnhearingFumiko’sexplanation,thewomanincurlerssaid,‘Isee…’
Actually,shedidn’tseeatall–shewasjustfollowingupwiththeappropriateresponse.HernamewasYaekoHirai.Oneofthecaferegulars,shehadjustturnedthirtyandrananearbysnack,orhostess,bar.Shealwayscameinforacupofcoffeebeforework.Hercurlerswereinagain,buttodayshewaswearingarevealingyellowtubetop,abrightredminiskirtandvividpurpleleggings.Hiraiwassittingcross-leggedonthecounterchairwhilelisteningtoFumiko.
‘Itwasoneweekago.Youremember,don’tyou?’Fumikostoodupanddirectedherattentionacrossthecountertothewaitress.
‘Hmm…yeah,’thewaitressanswereduneasily,notlookingatFumiko’sface.
Thewaitress’snamewasKazuTokita.Kazuwasacousinoftheproprietor.ShewaswaitressingtherewhileattendingTokyoUniversityoftheArts.Shehadquiteaprettyface,apalecomplexionandnarrowalmond-shapedeyes,yetherfeatureswerenotmemorable.Itwasthetypeoffacethatifyouglancedatit,closedyoureyesandthentriedtorememberwhatyousaw,nothingwouldcometomind.Inaword,shewasinconspicuous.Shehadnopresence.Shedidn’thavemanyfriendseither.Notthatsheworriedaboutit–Kazuwasthesortofpersonwhofoundinterpersonalrelationshipsrathertedious.
‘So…whatabouthim?Whereishenow?’Hiraiasked,playingwiththecupinherhand,notseemingveryinterested.
‘America,’Fumikosaid,puffingouthercheeks.
‘Soyourboyfriendchosework,then?’Hiraihadagiftforgettingtotheheartofthematter.
‘No,that’snotright!’Fumikoprotested.
‘Eh?Butthatisright,isn’tit?HewenttoAmerica,didn’the?’Hiraisaid.ShewashavingahardtimeunderstandingFumiko.
‘Didn’tyouunderstandwhenIexplained?’Fumikosaidvehemently.
‘Whatbit?’
‘Iwantedtoscreamoutdon’tgobutIwastooproud.’
‘Notmanywomenwouldadmitthat!’Hiraileantbackwithasnicker,slippedoffbalanceandnearlyfelloffthechair.
FumikoignoredHirai’sreaction.‘Youunderstood,right?’shesaid,lookingforsupportfromKazu.
Kazufeignedamoment’scontemplation.‘Basicallyyou’resayingyoudidn’twanthimtogotoAmerica,right?’
Kazuwasalsoonetogetstraighttothepoint.
‘Wellbasically,Iguess…no,Ididn’t.But…’
‘You’readifficultonetounderstand,’Hiraisaidjovially,afterseeingthatFumikowasstrugglingtoreply.
IfHiraihadbeeninFumiko’splace,shewouldhavejustbrokendownintears.‘Don’tgo!’shewouldhavescreamed.Ofcourse,theywouldhavebeencrocodiletears.Tearsareawoman’sweapon.ThatwasHirai’sphilosophy.
FumikoturnedtoKazuatthemiddleofthecounter.Hereyeswereglistening.‘Anyway,Iwantyoutotransportmebacktothatday…thatdayoneweekago!’shepleaded,totallystraight-faced.
Hiraiwasfirsttorespondtothelunacyofrequestingtobesentbacktooneweekago.‘Backintime,shesays…’ShelookedtoKazuwithraisedeyebrows.
Lookinguncomfortable,Kazusimplymuttered,‘Oh…’anddidn’taddanythingfurther.
Severalyearshadpassedsincethecafehaditsmomentoffameinthelightofanurbanlegendthatclaimeditcouldtransportpeoplebacktothepast.Uninterestedinthatkindofthing,Fumikohadallowedittofadefromhermemory.Visitingaweekagowascompletehappenstance.Butlastnight,shehadwatchedavarietyprogrammeonTV.Intheintroduction,thehostspokeabout‘urbanlegends’,andlikeaboltoflightningstrikinginsideherhead,sherememberedthecafe.Thecafethattransportsyoubackintime.Itwasanincompletememory,butsherememberedthatkeyphraseclearly.
IfIreturntothepast,Imightbeabletosetthingsright.ImightbeabletohaveaconversationwithGorooncemore.Shereplayedthisfancifulwishoverandoverinhermind.Shebecameobsessedandlostanyabilitytomakealevel-headedjudgement.
Thenextmorningshewenttowork,completelyforgettingtoeatbreakfast.There,hermindwasnotonthejob.Shesatthere,obsessedwiththepassingtimeIjustwanttomakesure.Shewantedtofindouteitherwayassoonaspossible–andnotasecondlater.Herdayatworkwasalongstringofcarelessmistakes.SosporadicwasherattentionthatacolleagueaskedifshewasOK.Bytheendoftheday,shehadreachedpeakscatterbrain.
Ittookherthirtyminutestogetfromhercompanytothecafebytrain.Sheprettymuchranthelaststretchfromthestation.Enteringthecafefeelingquitebreathless,she’dwalkeduptoKazu.
‘Pleasesendmebacktothepast!’she’dpleadedbeforeKazucouldevenfinishsaying,Hello,welcome.
Heranimatedgestureshadcontinuedinthatveinuntilshehadfinishedherexplanation.Butnow,lookingatthereactionofthetwowomen,shefeltillatease.
Hiraijustcontinuedtostareatherwithalargesmirkonherface,whileKazuworeadeadpanexpressionandavoidedalleyecontact.
Ifitwastrueaboutgoingbackintime,Iguesstheplacewouldbethrongingwithpeople,Fumikothoughttoherself.Buttheonlypeopleinthiscafewerethewomaninthewhitedress,themanwithhistravelmagazine,andHiraiandKazu–thesamefacesthatwerehereaweekago.
‘It’spossibletogoback,right?’sheasked,uneasily.
Itmayhavebeenprudenttobeginwiththisquestion.Butitwaspointlesstorealizethisnow.
‘Well,isitornot?’sheasked,staringdirectlyatKazuontheothersideofthecounter.
‘Hmm.Ah…’Kazureplied.
Fumiko’seyesonceagainlitup.Shewasnothearingano.Anairofexcitementstartedtosurroundher.
‘Pleasesendmeback!’
Shepleadedsoenergeticallythatsheseemedabouttoleapoverthecounter.
‘Youwanttogobackanddowhat?’askedHiraicoolly,betweensipsofhertepidcoffee.
‘I’dmakeamends.’Herfacewasserious.
‘Isee…’saidHiraiwithashrug
‘Please!’Shespokelouder;thewordreverberatedthroughoutthecafe.
ItwasonlyrecentlythattheideaofmarryingGorohadoccurredtoher.Shewasturningtwenty-eightthisyear,andshehadbeeninterrogatedonmanyoccasionsbyherpersistentparents,wholivedinHakodate–Stillnotthinkingofmarriage?Haven’tyoumetanynicemen?andsoforth.Herparents’nagginghadgrownmoreintensesincehertwenty-five-year-oldsistergotmarriedtheyearbefore.Nowithadreachedthepointwhereshewasreceivingweeklyemails.Asidefromheryoungersister,Fumikoalsohadatwenty-three-year-oldbrother.Hehadmarriedagirlfromtheirhometownfollowingasurprisepregnancy,leavingonlyFumikosingle.
Fumikofeltnorush,butafterherlittlesistergotmarried,hermindsethadchangedjustalittle.ShehadstartedtothinkgettingmarriedmightbeOKifitwastoGoro.
Hiraipluckedacigarettefromherleopard-printpouch.
‘Perhapsyou’dbestexplainittoherproperly…don’tyouthink?’shesaidinabusinesslikemannerwhilelightingit.
‘ItseemslikeIshould,’KazurepliedinhertonelessvoiceasshewalkedaroundthecounterandstoodbeforeFumiko.Shelookedatherwithasoftkindnessinhereyesasifshewereconsolingacryingchild.
‘Look.Iwantyoutolisten,andlistencarefully.OK?’
‘What?’Fumiko’sbodytensedup.
‘Youcangoback.It’strue…youcangoback,but…’
‘But…?’
‘Whenyougoback,nomatterhowhardyoutry,thepresentwon’tchange.’
Thepresentwon’tchange.ThiswassomethingFumikowastotallyunpreparedfor–somethingshecouldn’ttakein.‘Eh?’shesaidloudlywithoutthinking.
Kazucalmlycontinuedexplaining.‘Evenifyougobacktothepastandtellyour…um,boyfriendwhowenttoAmericahowyoufeel…’
‘EvenifItellhimhowIfeel?’
‘Thepresentwon’tchange.’
‘What?’Notwantingtohear,Fumikodesperatelycoveredherears.
ButKazucasuallywentontosaythewordsthatsheleastwantedtohear.‘Itwon’tchangethefactthathe’sgonetoAmerica.’
Atremblingsensationsweptthroughherentirebody.
Yetwithwhatseemedlikearuthlessdisregardforherfeelings,Kazucontinuedwithherexplanation.
‘Evenifyoureturntothepast,revealyourfeelings,andaskhimnottogo,itwon’tchangethepresent.’
FumikoreactedimpulsivelytoKazu’scoldhardwords.‘Thatsortofdefeatsthepurpose,don’tyouthink?’shesaiddefiantly.
‘Easynow…let’snotshootthemessenger,’Hiraisaid.Shetookadragofhercigarette,andseemedunsurprisedbyFumiko’sreaction.
‘Why?’FumikoaskedKazu,hereyesbeggingforanswers.
‘Why?I’lltellyouwhy,’Kazubegan.‘Becausethat’stherule.’
Theretendstobe,inanymovieornovelabouttimetravel,somerulesaying,Don’tgomeddlinginanythingthatisgoingtochangethepresent.Forexample,goingbackandpreventingyourparentsmarryingormeetingwoulderasethecircumstancesofyourbirthandcauseyourpresentselftovanish.
Thishadbeenthestandardstateofaffairsinmosttime-travelstoriesthatFumikoknew,soshebelievedintherule:Ifyouchangethepast,youdochangethepresent.Onthatbasis,shewantedtoreturntothepastandhavethechancetodoitafresh.Alas,itwasadreamthatwasnottobe.
Shewantedaconvincingexplanationastowhythisunbelievableruleexisted,thatthereisnothingyoucandowhileinthepastthatwillchangethepresent.TheonlyexplanationthatKazuwouldgivewastosay,Becausethat’stherule.Wasshetryingtoteaseherinafriendlyway,bynottellingherthereason?Orwasitadifficultconceptthatshewasunabletoexplain?Orperhapsshedidn’tunderstandthereasoneither,ashercasualexpressionseemedtosuggest.
HiraiseemedtoberelishingthesightofFumiko’sexpression.‘Toughluck,’shesaid,exhalingaplumeofsmokewithobviouspleasure.
ShehaddraftedthatlineearlierwhenFumikohadbegunherexplanation,andhadbeenwaitingtodeliveriteversince.
‘But…why?’Fumikofelttheenergydrainfromherbody.Assheletherselfslouchlimplyintoherchair,avividrecollectioncametoher.Shehadreadanarticleonthiscafeinamagazine.Thearticlehadtheheadline‘UncoveringTruthBehind“Time-TravellingCafe”MadeFamousbyUrbanLegend’.Thegistofthearticlewasasfollows.
Thecafe’snamewasFuniculiFunicula.Ithadbecomefamous,withlongqueueseachday,onaccountofthetime-travelling.Butitwasn’tpossibletofindanyonewhohadactuallygonebackintime,becauseoftheextremelyannoyingrulesthathadtobefollowed.Thefirstrulewas:Theonlypeopleyoucanmeetwhileinthepastarethosewhohavevisitedthecafe.Thiswouldusuallydefeatthepurposeofgoingback.Anotherrulewas:Thereisnothingyoucandowhileinthepastthatwillchangethepresent.Thecafewasaskedwhythatruleexisted,buttheironlycommentwasthattheydidn’tknow.
Astheauthorofthearticlewasunabletofindanyonewhohadactuallyvisitedthepast,whetherornotitwasactuallypossibletogobackintimeremainedamystery.Evensupposingitwaspossible,thestickypointofnotbeingabletochangethepresentcertainlymadethewholeideaseempointless.
Thearticleconcludedbystatingthatitcertainlymadeaninterestingurbanlegend,butitwasdifficulttoseewhythelegendexisted.Asapostscript,thearticlealsomentionedtherewereapparentlyotherrulesthathadtobefollowedbutitwasunclearwhattheywere.
Fumiko’sattentionreturnedtothecafe.Hiraiseatedherselfoppositeheratthetableshehadcollapsedontoandproceededtomerrilyexplaintheotherrules.Withherheadandshouldersstillsprawledonthetable,Fumikofixedhereyesonthesugarpot,wonderingwhythecafedidn’tusesugarcubes,andquietlylistened.
‘It’snotjustthoserules.There’sonlyoneseatthatallowsyoutogobackintime,OK?And,whileinthepast,youcan’tmovefromthatseat,’Hiraisaid.‘Whatelsewasthere?’sheaskedKazu,asshemovedhercounttoherfifthfinger.
‘There’satimelimit,’Kazusaid,keepinghereyesontheglassshewaswiping.Shementioneditlikeanafterthought,asifsheweremerelytalkingtoherself.
Fumikoraisedherheadinreactiontothisnews.‘Atimelimit?’
Kazushowedaslightsmile,andnodded.
Hiraigavethetableanudge.‘Frankly,afterhearingjusttheserules,barelyanyonestillwantstoreturntothepast,’shesaid,apparentlyenjoyingherself.AndshewasindeedtakinggreatdelightinobservingFumiko.‘It’sbeenalongtimesincewe’veseenacustomerlikeyou–someonetotallysetinyourdelusionofwantingtogobacktothepast.’
‘Hirai…’Kazusaidsternly.
‘Lifedoesn’tgetservedtoyouonaplate.Whydon’tyoujustgiveitup?’Hiraiblurtedout.Shelookedreadytocontinuehertirade.
‘Hirai…’Kazurepeated,thistimewithabitmoreemphasis.
‘No.No,Ithinkit’sbesttoclearlyputitoutthere.Huh?’ThenHiraiguffawedloudly.
ThewordsspokenwerealltoomuchforFumiko.Herstrengthhadentirelydrainedfromherbody,andagainshecollapsedheadandshouldersontothetable.
Then,fromacrosstheroom…‘CanIhavearefill,please?’saidthemansittingatthetableclosesttotheentrancewithhistravelmagazineopenedoutinfrontofhim.
‘OK,’Kazucalledback.
CLANG-DONG
Awomanhadenteredthecafealone.Shewaswearingabeigecardiganoverapaleaquashirt-dressandcrimsontrainers,andcarryingawhitecanvasbag.Hereyeswereroundandsparklinglikealittlegirl’s.
‘Hello.’Kazu’svoiceboomedthroughthecafe.
‘Hi,Kazu.’
‘Sis!Hithere!’
Kazucalledhersis,butactuallyshewashercousin’swife,KeiTokita.
‘Lookslikethecherryblossomshavehadit.’Keismiled,showingnogriefattheirpassing.
‘Yes,thetreesareprettybarenow.’Kazu’stonewaspolite,butnotthesamepolite,civiltoneshehadusedwhenspeakingtoFumiko.Hertonenowsoundedsofterandmorelikeadove.
‘Goodevening,’saidHiraiasshemovedfromtheseatatFumiko’stabletothecounter,appearingtobenolongerinterestedinlaughingatFumiko’smisfortune.‘Wherehaveyoubeen?’
‘Hospital.’
‘Whatfor?Justaroutinecheck-up?’
‘Yes.’
‘You’vegotabitofcolourinyourfacetoday.’
‘Yes,Ifeelgood.’
GlancingoveratFumikostilllimpatthetable,Keitiltedherheadinquisitively.Hiraigaveaslightnod,andwiththat,Keidisappearedintotheroombehindthecounter.
CLANG-DONG
SoonafterKeihaddisappearedintothebackroom,alargemanpokedhisheadthroughthedoorway,bowinghisheadtostopitbangingintothedoorframe.Hewaswearingalightjacketoverhischef’suniformofwhiteshirtandblacktrousers.Ahugebundleofkeyswasjinglinginhisrighthand.HewasNagareTokita,theownerofthecafe.
‘Goodevening,’Kazugreetedhim.
Nagarenoddedinresponseandturnedhiseyestothemanwiththemagazineatthetableclosesttotheentrance.
KazuwentintothekitchentobringarefillfortheemptycoffeecupthatHiraiwassilentlyholdingup,whileHirai,leaningwithoneelbowonthecounter,quietlyobservedNagare.
Nagarewasstandinginfrontofthemanwhowasengrossedinhismagazine.‘Fusagi,’hesaidgently.
Foramoment,themancalledFusagididn’treact,asifithadn’tregisteredthathisnamehadbeencalled.ThenhelookedupslowlyatNagare.
Nagarenoddedpolitely,andsaid,‘Hello.’
‘Oh,hello,’Fusagisaid,withablankexpression.Heimmediatelyreturnedtohismagazine.Foramoment,Nagarecontinuedtostandtherelookingathim.
‘Kazu,’hecalledtothekitchen.
Kazupokedherfaceoutfromthekitchen.‘Whatisit?’
‘RingKohtakeforme,please.’
TherequestpuzzledKazuforawhile.
‘Yes,becauseshe’sbeenlooking,’Nagaresaid,asheturnedtofaceFusagi
Kazuunderstoodwhathemeant.‘Oh…Right,’shereplied.
AftergivingHiraiarefill,shedisappearedintothebackroomagaintomakethephonecall.
NagarecastasidewaysglanceatFumikoslumpedoverthetableashewalkedbehindthecounterandtookaglassfromtheshelf.Hepulledoutacartonoforangejuicefromthefridgeunderthecounter,poureditnonchalantlyintotheglass,andgulpeditdown.
Nagaretooktheglassintothekitchentowashit.Amomentlater,therewasthesoundoffingernailstappingonthecounter.
Hepokedhisheadoutofthekitchentoseewhatwashappening.
Hiraimadeasmallbeckoninggesture.Withdrippinghands,heapproachedquietly.Sheleanedalittleoverthecounter.
‘Howwasit?’shewhisperedtohimashesearchedforsomekitchenpaper.
‘Hmm…’hemumbled,ambiguously.Maybeitwassomehowananswertothequestion,ormaybeitwasjustafrustratedgruntwhilelookingfortheelusivekitchenpaper.Hirailoweredhervoicefurther.
‘Howwerethetestresults?’
Notreplyingtothisquestion,Nagarebrieflyscratchedthetopofhisnose.
‘Theywerebad?’Hiraiaskedmoresombrely.
Nagare’sexpressiondidnotfalter.
‘Afterlookingattheresults,theydecidedshedoesn’tneedtobehospitalized,’heexplainedinalowmumble,almostasifhewastalkingtohimself.
Hiraigaveaquietsigh.‘Isee…’shesaidandglancedtowardsthebackroomwhereKeiwas.
Keiwasbornwithaweakheart.Throughoutherlife,shehadbeeninandoutofhospital.Nevertheless,havingbeenblessedallherlifewithafriendlyandcarefreedisposition,shecouldalwaysmanageasmile,nomatterhowbadherconditiongot.Hiraiwasalltoofamiliarwiththataspectofher.ThatwaswhyshecheckedwithNagare.
Nagarehadfinallylocatedthekitchenpaperandwaswipinghishands.‘Andhowarethingswithyou,Hirai?AretheyOK?’
Hiraiwasn’tsurewhatNagarewasaskingabout.Hereyeswidened.‘Whatdoyoumean?’
‘Yoursisterhasbeencomingtoseeyouafairbit,hasn’tshe?’
‘Ah.Iguessshehas,’Hiraiansweredwhileshelookedaroundthecafe.
‘Yourparentsrunatravellers’inn,right?’
‘Yeah,that’sright.’
Nagaredidn’tknowaboutthingsinmuchdetail,buthehadheardthatasaresultofHiraihavingleftthefamilyhome,hersisterhadtakenoverrunningtheinn.
‘Itmustbetoughforyoursister,alonelikethat.’
‘Nah,she’scopingallright.Mysister’sgottherightheadforhandlingthatkindofwork.’
‘Butstill…’
‘It’sbeentoolong.Ican’tgohomenow,’Hiraisnapped.
Shepulledoutalargepursefromherleopard-skinpouch.Itwassobig,itlookedmorelikeadictionarythanapurse.Herpursejingledasshebeganforagingamongthecoins.
‘Whynot?’
‘EvenifIwenthome,Iwouldn’tbeanyhelp,’shesaid,tiltingherheadwithasillysmile.
‘But…’
‘Anyway,thanksforthecoffee.Ihavetogo,’shesaid,cuttingNagareshort.Sheputthecoffeemoneyonthecounter,thengotupandwalkedoutofthedoor,asifshewasrunningawayfromtheconversation.
CLANG-DONG
WhilepickingupthecoinsthatHiraihadleft,NagareglancedatFumikoslumpedonthetable.Butitwasjustaglance.Hedidn’tseemveryinterestedinwhothiswomanwas,facedownonthetable.Hecollectedupthecoinsinhislargehandsandplayfullyjangledthem.
‘Hey,bro.’Kazu’sfaceappearedasshecalledout.KazucalledNagare‘bro’despitehimbeinghercousin,notherbrother.
‘What?’
‘Sisiscallingyou.’
Nagarelookedaroundthecafe.‘OK,coming,’hesaid.HecasuallyplacedthecoinsinKazu’shand.
‘Kohtakesaidshe’llcomestraightaway,’Kazusaid.
Nagarereceivedthenewswithanod.‘Lookafterthecafe,couldyou?’Hedisappearedintothebackroom.
‘OK,’shesaid.
Theonlypeopleinthecafe,though,werethewomanreadinganovel,Fumiko,whowasslumpedoverthetable,andFusagi,whowastakingnotesfromthemagazinespreadopenonthetable.Afterdepositingthecoinsinthecashregister,KazuclearedawaythecoffeecupleftbyHirai.Oneofthecafe’sthreeoldwallclockssoundedfivedeepresonatinggongs.
‘Coffee,please.’
FusagicalledovertoKazubehindthecounter,holdinguphiscoffeecupashespoke.Hehadyettoreceivetherefillhehadalreadyaskedfor.
‘Oh…right!’exclaimedKazu,realizing,andhurriedbacktothekitchen.Shecameoutagainholdingatransparentglasscarafefilledwithcoffee.
‘EventhatwouldbeOK,’mutteredFumikostillslumpedonthetable.
WhileKazuwaspouringarefillforFusagi,Fumiko’spresenceinthecornerofhervisionattractedherattention.
Fumikosatupright.‘EventhatIcanlivewith.It’sOKifnothingchanges.Thingscanstayastheyare.’ShegotupandwentovertoKazu,invadingherspacealittle.GentlyplacingacoffeecupinfrontofFusagi,Kazu’sbrowsettledintoafrown.Shetookacoupleofstepsback.
‘Right…ah,’shesaid.
Fumikodrewinevencloser.‘Sotransportme…tooneweekago!’
Itwasasifherdoubtshadbeenwashedaway.Nolongerwasthereanyhintofuncertaintyinherspeech.Ifanything,therewasjustexcitementatthechanceofreturningtothepast.Hernostrilswereflaringwithenthusiasm.
‘Um…but—’
BecominguncomfortablewithFumiko’soverbearingattitude,Kazudartedaroundherandmovedbackbehindthecounterasifseekingrefuge.
‘Onemoreimportantrule,’shebegan.
Inresponsetothesewords,Fumiko’seyebrowswidenedconsiderably.‘What?Therearemorerules?’
‘Youcan’tmeetpeoplewhohaven’tvisitedthiscafe.Thepresentcannotchange.Thereisonlyoneseatthattakesyoutothepast,andyoucannotmovefromit.Then,thereisthetimelimit.’Fumikocountedonherfingersassheranthrougheachrule,andherangeratthemgrew.
‘Thisoneisprobablythemostproblematic.’
Fumikowasalreadyextremelyannoyedwiththerulessheknew.Thenewsofafurther,mostproblematicrulethreatenedtosnapherheartintwo.Nevertheless,shebitherlip.
‘Ifthat’sthecase,thenfine,sobeit.Goon,tellme,’shesaid,foldingherarmsandnoddingtoKazu,asiftoemphasizeherresolve.
Kazudrewashortbreathasiftosay,Iwillthen,andvanishedintothekitchen,toputawaythetransparentglasscarafeshehadbeenholding.
Leftstandingtherealone,Fumikotookadeepbreathtofeelmorecentred.HerinitialaimhadbeentoreturntothepasttosomehowstopGorogoingtoAmerica.
Stoppinghimfromgoingsoundedbad,butifsheconfessed,Idon’twantyoutogo,Goromightgiveuptheideaofleaving.Ifthingswentwell,theymightendupneversplittingup.Atanyrate,theinitialreasonforwantingtogobacktothepastwastochangethepresent
Butifitwasn’tpossibletochangethepresent,thenGorogoingtoAmericaandthemsplittingupwerealsounchangeable.Regardless,Fumikostillyearnedpassionatelytoreturntothepast–allshewantedtodowastogobackandsee.Herentireobjectivewascentredontheactualactofgoingback.Herheartwassetonexperiencingthisfantasticalphenomenon.
Shedidn’tknowwhetheritwasagoodthingorabadthing.Itmightbeagoodthing,andhowcoulditbeabadthing?shetoldherself.Aftershefinishedadeepbreath,Kazureturned.Fumiko’sfacestiffenedlikeanaccusedawaitingthecourt’sdecision.Kazustoodbehindthecounter.
‘Itisonlypossibletogobackintimewhenseatedataparticularseatinthiscafe,’sheproclaimed.Fumikoreactedinstantly.
‘Whichone?WhereshouldIsit?’Shelookedaroundthecafesorapidlyshealmostmadeawhooshingsoundassheturnedherheadfromsidetoside.
Ignoringherreaction,Kazuturnedherheadandlookedfixedlyatthewomaninthewhitedress.
Fumikofollowedherconstantgaze.
‘Thatseat,’Kazusaidquietly.
‘Thatone?Theonethewoman’ssittingin?’Fumikowhisperedacrossthecounterwhilekeepinghereyesgluedonthewomaninthedress.
‘Yes,’Kazuansweredsimply.
Yetevenbeforeshehadfinishedhearingthatshortreply,Fumikowasalreadywalkinguptothewomaninthewhitedress.
Shewasawomanwhogavetheimpressionthatfortunehadpassedherby.Herwhite,almosttranslucentskincontrastedstarklywithherlongblackhair.Itmayhavebeenspring,buttheweatherwasdefinitelystillchillyonbareskin.Yetthewomanwaswearingshortsleeves,andtherewasnosignshehadajacketwithher.Fumikowasgettingthefeelingthatsomethingwasnotright.Butnowwasnotthetimetobeconcernedwithsuchthings.
Fumikospoketothewoman.
‘Er,excuseme,wouldyoumindawfullyifweswappedseats?’sheasked,holdingbackherimpatience.Shethoughtshehadspokenpolitelyandwithoutrudeness;yetthewomaninthedressdidnotreact.Itwasasifshehadnotevenheardher.Fumikofeltalittleputoutbythis.Onsomerareoccasionsapersoncanbesoengrossedinabookshedoesnothearthesurroundingvoicesandsounds.Fumikoassumedthatwasthecasehere.
Shetriedagain.
‘Hello?…Canyouhearme?’
‘…’
‘You’rewastingyourtime.’
ThevoicecameunexpectedlyfrombehindFumiko.ItwasKazu.Ittookherawhiletoworkoutwhatshemeantbyit.
Ionlywantedhertogivemetheseat.WhywasIwastingmytime?WasIwastingmytimeaskingpolitely?Wait.Isthisanotherrule?DoIhavetoclearthisotherrulefirst?Ifthat’sthecase,Ithinkshecouldsaysomethingabitmorehelpfulthan‘You’rewastingyourtime’…
Suchwerethethoughtsthatwererunningthroughhermind.Yetintheendsheaskedasimplequestion.
‘Why?’sheaskedKazuwithalookofchildlikeinnocence.Kazulookeddirectlyintohereyes.
‘Becausethatwoman…isaghost,’sherespondedsternly.Shesoundeddeadlyseriousandlikeshewastellingtheabsolutetruth.
Onceagain,Fumiko’sheadwasfilledwithracingthoughts.
Ghost?Arealmoaningshriekingghost?Thesortthatappearsunderaweepingwillowinthesummer?Thegirljustsaiditsocasually–maybeImisheard?Butwhatsoundslike‘isaghost’?
Fumiko’sheadwasawashwithmanyconfusingthoughts.‘Ghost?’
‘Yes.’
‘You’remessingwithme.’
‘No,honestly,she’saghost.’
Fumikowasbewildered.Shewashappynottogetstuckonquestioningwhetherornotghostsactuallyexist.Butwhatshecouldn’tacceptwasthepossibilitythatthewomaninthedresswasaghost.Sheseemedfartooreal.
‘Look,Icanclearly…’
‘Seeher.’KazufinishedhersentenceasifsheknewwhatFumikowasgoingtosay.
Fumikowasconfused.‘But…’
Withoutthinking,shestretchedherhandouttowardsthewoman’sshoulder.Justasshewasabouttotouchthewomaninthedress,Kazusaid,‘Youcantouchher.’
Again,Kazuhadareadyreply.Fumikoplacedherhandonthewoman’sshoulderasiftoconfirmthatshecouldbetouched.Withoutadoubt,shecouldfeelthewoman’sshoulderandthematerialofthedresscoveringhersoftskin.Shecouldn’tbelievethatthiswasaghost.
Shegentlyremovedherhand.Thenonceagainsheplacedherhandonthewoman’sshoulder.SheturnedtoKazuasiftosay,Icanclearlytouchher,callingthispersonaghostiscrazy!
ButKazu’sfaceremainedcoolandcomposed.‘She’saghost.’
‘Really?Aghost?’
Fumikopokedherheadtowardsthewomanandlookedhersquarelyintheface,quiterudely.
‘Yes,’Kazureplied,withutmostcertainty.
‘Noway.Ijustcan’tbelieveit.’
IfFumikocouldseeherbutwasunabletotouchher,thenshecouldhaveacceptedit.Butthiswasnotthecase.Shecouldtouchthewoman,whohadlegs.Thetitleofthebookthewomanwasreadingwasoneshehadneverheardof.Itwasanormalbook,nevertheless–onethatyoucouldbuyalmostanywhere.ThisledFumikotocomeupwithatheory.
Youcan’treallygobacktothepast.Thiscafecan’treallytakeyoubacktothepast.Itisalljustaploytogetpeopletocome.Takethecountlessnumberofannoyingrules,forexample.Thesearejustthefirsthurdletoencouragecustomerswantingtoreturntothepasttogiveup.Ifthecustomerpassesthatfirsthurdle,thenthismustbethesecondhurdleforthosecustomerswhostillwanttogobackintime.Theymentionaghosttofrightenthepersonintogivingupontheidea.Thewomaninthedressisjustforshow.She’spretendingtobeaghost.
Fumikowasbeginningtofeelquitestubborn.
Ifit’sallalie,thensobeit.ButI’mnotgoingtobefooledbythislie
Fumikoaddressedthewomaninthedresspolitely.‘Look,itwillonlybeforashortwhile.Pleasewouldyoukindlyallowmetositthere.’
Butitwasasifherwordshadn’treachedthewoman’sears.Shecontinuedreadingwithouttheslightestreaction.
BeingtotallyignoredlikethisdarkenedFumiko’smood.Shegrabbedthewoman’supperarm.
‘Stop!Youmustn’tdothat!’warnedKazuloudly.
‘Hey!Juststopit!Stopjustignoringme!’
Fumikotriedtoforcefullydragthewomaninthedressfromherseat.
Andthenithappened…Thewomaninthedress’seyeswidenedandsheglaredatherfiercely.
Shefeltasiftheweightofherbodyhadincreasedmanytimesover.Itfeltasifdozensofheavyblanketshadfallenoverher.Thelightinthecafedimmedtothebrightnessofcandlelight.Anunworldlywailingbegantoreverberatethroughthecafe.
Shewasparalysed.Unabletomoveamuscle,shedroppedtoherkneesandthenfelltoacrawlingposition.
‘Ugh!What’shappening?What’shappening?’
Shehadabsolutelynoideawhatwashappening.Kazu,inasmug,told-you-sokindofway,simplysaid,‘Shecursedyou.’
WhenFumikoheardcurse,shedidn’tunderstandatfirst.
‘Huh?’sheaskedwithagroan.
Unabletowithstandthisinvisibleforcethatseemedtobegettingstronger,Fumikowasnowlyingfacedownonthefloor.
‘What?Whatisthis?What’sgoingon?’
‘It’sacurse.Youwentaheadanddidwhatyoudid,andshecursedyou,’saidKazuassheslippedbackintothekitchen,leavingFumikosprawledonthefloor.
Lyingfacedown,Fumikodidn’tseeKazugo,butwithoneearfirmlyagainstthefloor,sheclearlyheardKazuleavebythesoundofherfadingfootsteps.Herfearwassointense,Fumikoshiveredasificywaterhadbeenpouredoverherentirebody.
‘You’vegottobekidding.Lookatme!WhatcanIdo?’
Therewasnoresponse.Fumikostartedshuddering.
ThewomaninthedresswasstillglaringatFumikowithaterrifyingexpression.Sheseemedacompletelydifferentpersontothewomanwhohadbeencalmlyreadingherbookjustmomentsearlier.
‘Helpme!Pleasehelpme!’Fumikoyelledouttothekitchen.
Kazucalmlyreturned.Fumikocouldnotseethis,butKazuwasholdingaglasscarafeofcoffeeinherhand.Fumikoheardherfootstepscomingtowardsher,butshehadnoideawhatwashappening–firsttherules,thentheghost,andnowthecurse.Itwasallutterlybewildering.
Kazuhadn’tevengivenheranyindicationwhethershemeanttohelpherornot.FumikowasonthevergeofyellingHelp!atthetopofherlungs.
Butrightatthatmoment…
‘Wouldyoucareforsomemorecoffee?’FumikoheardKazuaskingnonchalantly.
Fumikowasincensed.Ignoringherinhermomentofneed,Kazuwasnotonlynothelping,shewasofferingthewomaninthedresssomemorecoffee.Fumikowasdumbfounded.Iwasclearlytoldthatshewasaghost,anditwaswrongofmenottobelieveit.Itwasalsowrongofmetograbontothewoman’sarmandtrytoforcefullyremoveherfromherchair.ButeventhoughI’vebeenyelling‘Helpme!’thegirlhasjustbeenignoringmeandnowsheisbreezilyaskingthatwomanifshewantsmorecoffee!Whywouldaghostbewantinganothercoffee!
‘You’vegottobekidding!’wasallthatFumikowasabletovocalize,however.
Butwithouthesitation,‘Yes,please,’aneerilyetherealvoicereplied.
Itwasthewomaninthedresswhohadspoken.Suddenly,Fumiko’sbodyfeltlighter.
‘Aah…’
Thecursehadbeenlifted.Fumiko,unencumberedandpanting,stooduprightonherkneesandglaredatKazu.
Kazureturnedhergaze,asiftoask,Youhavesomethingtosay?andshruggedwithindifference.Thewomaninthedresstookasipfromherfreshlypouredcoffeeandthenreturnedquietlytoherbook.
Actingasifnothingoutoftheordinaryhadhappened,Kazudisappearedbacktothekitchentoreturnthecarafe.Fumikooncemorereachedherhandouttotouchtheshoulderofthatterrifyingwomaninthedress.Herfingerscouldfeelher.Thewomanishere.Sheexists.
Unabletounderstandsuchweirdevents,Fumikowascompletelyconfused.Shehadexperiencedthewholething–shecouldn’tdisputethat.Herbodyhadbeenpusheddownbyaninvisibleforce.Thoughshecouldnotmakesenseofthingsinherhead,herhearthadalreadyfathomedthesituationwellenoughtobepumpinggallonsofbloodthroughherbody
Shestoodupandwalkedtowardsthecounter,feelingquitedizzy.Bythetimeshehadmadeherwaythere,Kazuhadreturnedfromthekitchen.
‘Isshereallyaghost?’FumikoaskedKazu.
‘Yes,’wasKazu’sonlyreply.Shehadstartedtoppingupthesugarpotwithsugar.
So,thistotallyimpossiblethinghappened…Fumikooncemorebegantohypothesize.Iftheghost…andthecurse…reallyhappened,thenwhattheysayaboutgoingbackintimemightalsoreallybetrue!
ExperiencingthecursehadconvincedFumikothatyoucangoback.Buttherewasaproblem.
Itwasthatrule–inordertogobacktothepast,youhavetositinoneparticularseat.Sittinginthatoneparticularseat,however,isaghost.AnythingIsaydoesn’tgetthroughtoher.AndwhenItriedtositthereforcefully,shecursedme.WhatamImeanttodo?
‘Youjusthavetowait,’Kazusaid,asifshecouldhearFumiko’sthoughts.
‘Whatdoyoumean?’
‘Everyday,thereisjustonemomentwhenshegoestothetoilet.’
‘Aghostneedstogotothetoilet?’
‘Whileshe’sgone,youcansitthere.’
FumikostaredhardintoKazu’seyes.Shegaveasmallnod.Thatseemedtobetheonlysolution.AstoFumiko’squestionofwhetherghostsgotothetoilet,Kazuwasunsureofwhetheritwasgenuinecuriosityormeantforcomediceffectanddecidedtoignoreitwithadeadpanexpression.
Fumikodrewadeepbreath.Amomentagoshehadbeengraspingatstraws.Nowshehadapieceofstrawinherhand,andshewasn’tgoingtoletitgo.Sheoncehadreadastoryaboutamanwhotradedhiswayupfromonepieceofstrawtobecomeamillionaire.Ifshewastobecomeastrawmillionaire,shemustn’twastethatstraw.
‘OK…I’llwait.I’llwait!’
‘Fine,butyoushouldknowthatshedoesn’tdifferentiatebetweendayandnight.’
‘Yes.OK,I’llwait,’Fumikosaid,desperatelyclutchingherstraw.‘Whattimedoyouclose?’
‘Regularopeninghoursareuntileightp.m.Butifyoudecideyouwanttowait,youcanwaitforaslongasittakes.’
‘Thankyou!’
Fumikosatdownatthemiddleofthethreetables.Shesatwithherchairfacingthewomaninthedress.Shefoldedherarmsandbreathedhardthroughhernose.
‘I’mgoingtogetthatseat!’sheannounced,glaringatthewomaninthedress.Thewomaninthedresswasreadingherbook,asalways.
Kazugavealittlesigh.
CLANG-DONG
‘Hello.Goodevening!’saidKazu,deliveringherstandardgreeting.‘Kohtake!’
Standingintheopendoorwaywasawoman.Shelookedlikeshemightbealittleoverforty.
Kohtakewaswearinganavybluecardiganoveranurse’suniformandcarryingaplainshoulderbag.Breathingalittleheavilyasifshehadbeenrunning,sheheldherhandonherchestasiftosteadyherbreath.
‘Thanksforcalling,’shesaid.Shespokequickly.
Kazunoddedwithasmileanddisappearedintothekitchen.KohtaketooktwoorthreestepstowardsthetableclosesttotheentranceandstoodnexttothemancalledFusagi.Hedidn’tseemtonoticeheratall.
‘Fusagi,’Kohtakesaidinagentletonethatonewouldnormallyreserveforachild.
Atfirst,Fusagishowednoreaction,asifhehadn’tnoticedthatshehadcalledhim.Butnoticingherinhisperipheralvision,heturnedtoherwithavacantstare.
‘Kohtake,’hemuttered.
‘Yes.It’sme,’Kohtakesaidwithcleararticulation.
‘Whatareyoudoinghere?’
‘IhadsometimeoffandIthoughtImighthaveacupofcoffee.’
‘Oh…OK,’Fusagisaid.
Heoncemorecasthiseyesdowntohismagazine.Kohtake,continuingtolookathim,satcasuallydownintheseatopposite.Hedidn’treacttothisandinsteadturnedthepageofhismagazine.
‘Ihearyou’vebeencomingherealotlately,’Kohtakesaidwhilestudyingeverynookandcrannyofthecafelikeacustomerwhowasvisitingforthefirsttime.
‘Yeah,’Fusagisaidsimply.
‘Soyou’vetakenalikingtothisplace?’
‘Oh…notparticularly,’hesaid,inawaythatclearlyshowedthathehadindeedtakenalikingtotheplace.Aslightsmileformedonhislips.
‘I’mwaiting,’hewhispered.
‘Whatareyouwaitingfor?’
Heturnedandlookedoverattheseatwherethewomaninthedresswassitting
‘Forhertoleavethatseat,’heanswered.Hisfacebetrayedaboyishglimmer.
Fumikohadn’tparticularlybeeneavesdroppingbutthecafewassmall.‘What!’sheexclaimedinsurpriseatlearningthatFusagiwaslikewisewaitingforthewomaninthedresstogotothetoiletsohecouldreturntothepast.
HearingFumiko’svoice,Kohtaketurnedtolookather,butFusagipaidnoattentiontoherhimself.
‘Isthatso?’Kohtakeasked.
‘Yeah,’wasallthatFusagisaidinreplyashetookasipofhiscoffee.
Fumikowasshaken.Pleasedon’tletmehavecompetition.
Afterall…sheinstantlyrealizedthatitwasherwhowasatadisadvantageshouldtheybothhavethesameobjective.Whenshehadenteredthecafe,Fusagiwasalreadythere.Sincehewasherefirst,itwashisturnfirst.Asamatterofcommoncourtesy,shewasnotgoingtojumpthequeue.Thewomaninthedressonlywenttothetoiletonceaday.Thereforetherewasonlyonechancetositintheseateachday.
Fumikowantedtogobackintimerightaway.Shewasunabletobearthethoughtthatshemighthavetowaitanextraday,andwasunabletohideheragitationatthisunexpecteddevelopment.SheleanedsidewaysandcockedhereartomakesurethatFusagireallydidintendtoreturntothepast.
‘Didyougettosittheretoday?’Kohtakeasked.
‘Nottoday.’
‘Oh,youcouldn’tsitthere?’
‘Yeah…no.’
Theirconversationwasdoingnothingtoallayherworstfears.Fumikoscrunchedupherface.
‘Fusagi,whatdoyouwanttodowhenyougobackintime?’
Therewasnomistaking–Fusagiwaswaitingforthewomaninthedresstogotothetoilet.ThisrevelationwasahugeblowforFumiko.Disappointmentspreadacrossherfaceandshecollapsedontothetableagain.Thedevastatingconversationcontinued.
‘Somethingyouwanttofix?’
‘Ah,well.’Fusagithoughtforamoment.‘That’smysecret,’hesaid.Hegaveaself-satisfied,childishgrin.
‘Yoursecret?’
‘Yeah.’
EventhoughFusagihadsaiditwasasecret,Kohtakesmiledasifsomethingwaspleasing.Thenshelookedovertothewomaninthedress.
‘Butitseemslikesheprobablywon’tbegoingtothetoilettoday,doesit?’
Fumikohadn’tbeenexpectingtohearthat.Shereactedautomatically,liftingherheadfromthetable.Hermovementsoswiftitwasalmostaudible.Isitpossiblethatthewomanmightnotevengotothetoilet?Kazusaidthatshegoesonceaday.Butasthatwomansaid,perhapsthewomaninthedresshasalreadymadetoday’strip…No,thatcan’tbethecase.Ireallyhopethat’snotthecase.
Prayingthatwasnotthecase,FumikowaitedintrepidationforwhatFusagiwouldsaynext.
‘Perhapsthat’sright,’hesaid,readilyconcedingthispoint.
Noway!Fumiko’smouthopenedasiftoletoutashriek,butshewasdumbfoundedbytheshock.Whyisn’tthewomaninthedressgoingtogotothetoilet?WhatdoesthewomancalledKohtakeknow?Shewasdesperateforanswers.
Yetshesensedthatsheshouldn’tinterrupttheconversation.Shehadalwaysbelievedthatreadingthesituationwasimportant,andrightnow,Kohtake’sentirebodylanguagewassaying,Stayoutofit!Exactlywhatshewasmeanttostayoutofwasnotcleartoher.Buttherewasdefinitelysomethinghappeningthere–andoutsidersweren’twelcome.
‘So…howaboutweleave?’Kohtakesaidinagentle,coaxingway.‘Huh?’
Herbigchancewasback.Settingasidethequestionofwhetherthewomaninthedresshadalreadygonetothetoilet,ifFusagileft,atleastshecouldberidofherrival.
WhenKohtakehadsuggestedthatthewomaninthedressprobablywouldn’tbemovingtoday,Fusagihadsimplyagreed,Perhapsthat’sright.Hesaidperhaps.Itisequallyplausiblethathecouldhavemeant,Atanyrate,I’mwaitingtosee.Ifitwasher,Fumikowoulddefinitelywait.Sheconcentratedallofhermentalreserveswhileshewaitedforhisreply,tryingnottoappeartooeager.Itwasasifherentirebodyhadbecomeherears.
Heglancedoveratthewomaninthedress,thenpaused,deepinthought.‘Sure,OK,’hereplied.
Asitwassuchaclearandsimplereply,Fumiko’sheartdidn’tskipabeat.Butevenso,herexcitementsoaredandshefeltherheartbeatingfast.
‘Rightthen.We’llleavewhenyoufinishyourcup,’saidKohtake,lookingatthehalf-emptycoffeecup.
Fusaginowseemedtobeonlythinkingaboutleaving.‘No,it’sOK.It’sgonecoldanyhow,’hesaidasheclumsilypackedawayhismagazine,notebook,andpencilandgotupfromhisseat.
Puttingonhisjacketwithfleecysleeves–atypeoftenwornbyconstructionworkers–hemadehiswaytothetill.Withimpeccabletiming,Kazucamebackoutofthekitchen.Fusagipassedherthecoffeebill.
‘WhatdoIowe?’heasked.
Kazuenteredtheamountusingtheclunkykeysoftheancientcashregister.Meanwhile,Fusagiwascheckinghissecondbag,hisshirtpocket,hisbackpocket,andeveryotherplacehecouldthink
‘That’sodd,mywallet…’hemuttered.
Itseemedhehadcometothecafewithouthiswallet.Afterlookinginthesameplacesagainandagain,hestillcouldn’tfindit.Helookedvisiblyupset,closetotears,even.
ThenKohtakeunexpectedlyproducedawallet,andhelditinfrontofhim.
‘Here.’
Itwasawell-wornmen’sleatherwallet–foldedinhalf,bulgingwithwhatappearedtobeawadofreceipts.Hepausedformoment,staringatthewalletpresentedbeforehim.Heseemedgenuinelyinadaze.Finally,hetookthewalletofferedtohimwithoutaword.
‘Howmuch?’heaskedwhilefurrowingintothecoinpurseasifitwasafamiliarhabit.
Kohtakesaidnothing.ShesimplystoodbehindFusagi,watchingoverhimashewentaboutpaying.‘Threehundredandeightyyen.’
FusagipulledoutonecoinandhandedittoKazu.‘OK,receivingfivehundredyen…’
Kazutookthemoney,entereditintothecashregister.Cha-ching…
Shepulledthechangefromthedrawer.
‘That’sonehundredandtwentyyenchange.’KazucarefullyplacedthechangeandreceiptinFusagi’shand.
‘Thankyouforthecoffee,’hesaid,puttingthechangecarefullyinhiswallet.Hestowedthewalletinhisbag,havingseeminglyforgottenthatKohtakewasthere,andhequicklyheadedforthedoor.
CLANG-DONG
Kohtakeseemednotintheleastbotheredbyhisattitude.‘Thankyou,’shesaidsimply,andfollowedonafterhim.
CLANG-DONG
‘Theywereratherodd,’Fumikomuttered.
KazuclearedthetablewhereFusagihadsatanddisappearedoncemoreintothekitchen.
ThesuddenappearanceofarivalhadupsetFumiko,butnowthatonlysheandthewomaninthedressremained,shefeltsurethatvictorywouldbehers.
Right,thecompetition’sgone.NowIjustneedtowaitforhertovacatetheseat,shethought.Yetthecafehadnowindowsandthethreewallclockseachshoweddifferenttimes.Withoutcustomerscomingandgoing,hersenseoftimewasbecomingfrozen.
Startingtodozeoffalittle,shereeledofftherulesforreturningtothepast.
Thefirstrule–theonlypeopleonemaymeetwhilebackinthepastarethosewhohavevisitedthecafe.Fumiko’spartingconversationwithGorojusthappenedtohavetakenplaceinthiscafe.
Thesecondrule–nomatterhowhardonetrieswhilebackinthepast,onecannotchangethepresent.Inotherwords,evenifFumikoreturnedtothatdayoneweekearlierandpleadedforGoronottogo,thefactthathehadleftforAmericawouldnotchange.Shedidn’tunderstandwhyitshouldbeso,andshecouldfeelherselfgettingupsetagainthinkingaboutit.But,resigned,sheacceptedit,givenitwastherule.
Thethirdrule–inordertoreturntothepast,youhavetositinthatseatandthatseatalone.Thiswastheseatoccupiedbythewomaninthedress.Ifyoutrytosittherebyforce,yougetcursed.
Thefourthrule–whilebackinthepast,youmuststayintheseatandnevermovefromit.Inotherwords,forsomereasonorother,youcouldn’tgotothetoiletwhilebackinthepast.
Thefifthrule–thereisatimelimit.Nowthatshethoughtaboutit,Fumikostillhadn’tbeentoldthedetailsofthisone.Shehadnoideahowlongorshortthistimewas.Fumikothoughtabouttheserulesoverandover.Herthoughtswentbackandforth.Shewentfromthinkingthatgoingbackintimewasgoingtoberatherpointlesstothinkingthatshemayaswelltakechargeofthatconversationandsayeverythingshewantedto–afterall,itcouldn’thurt,couldit,ifitwasnotgoingtochangethepresent?Fumikowentovereachruleagainandagainuntilfinally,slumpedonthetable,shedriftedofftosleep.
ThefirsttimeFumikolearnedofGoro’sdreamfuturewaswhenshedraggedhimoutontheirthirddate.Gorowasagaminggeek.HelovedthoseMMORPG(massivelymultiplayeronlinerole-playinggames),whichheplayedonaPC.HisunclewasoneofthedevelopersofanMMORPGcalledArmofMagic–agamethatwaspopulararoundtheworld.Eversincehewasaboy,Gorohadlookeduptohisuncle.ItwasGoro’sdreamtojointhegamecompanyhisuncleran:TIP-G.ToqualifyfortheselectionexamforTIP-G,itwasmandatorytohavetwothings:(1)atleastfiveyears’experienceworkingasasystemsengineerinthemedicalindustry,and(2)anewunreleasedgameprogramthatyouhadpersonallydeveloped.Humanlivesdependonthereliabilityofsystemsinthemedicalindustryandbugsarenottolerated.Intheonlinegamingindustry,ontheotherhand,peopleputupwithbugs,asit’spossibletoapplyupdatesevenaftertherelease.
TIP-Gwasdifferent.Itonlyrecruitedcandidateswithexperienceinthemedicalindustrytoensurethatonlythebestprogrammerswerehired.WhenGorowastellingFumikoaboutthis,shethoughtitwasawonderfuldream.Butwhatshedidn’tknowwasthatTIP-GhaditsheadquartersinAmerica.
Ontheirseventhdate,FumikowaswaitingforGorotoarriveattheirmeetingpointwhenacoupleofmenstartedtalkingtoher.Theywerechattingherup.Theyweregood-looking,butshewasnotinterested.Menwerealwaystryingtopickherupandsoshehaddevelopedatechniquefordealingwiththis.Beforeshecouldputittouse,Goroarrivedandstoodthere,lookinguncomfortable.Fumikorusheduptohim,butthetwomenreacted,sneeredatGoro,andaskedherwhyshewaswiththatdweeb.Shehadnochoicebuttobeginherspiel.
Goroloweredhisheadanddidn’tsayanything.Butshefacedthetwomenandsaid(inEnglish),‘Youguysdon’tknowhisappeal,’(inRussian)‘He’sbraveenoughtotakeondifficulttasksatwork,’(inFrench)‘Hehasthementaldisciplinenottogiveup,’(inGreek)‘Hehastheskilltorendertheimpossiblepossible,’(inItalian)‘Ialsoknowhehasputinextraordinaryefforttobeabletogainthisability,’(andinSpanish)‘HisappealisfargreaterthananyothermanIknow.’TheninJapanese,shesaid,‘IfyouunderstoodwhatIjustsaid,Iwouldn’tmindhangingoutwithyou.’
Visiblystunned,thetwomenatfirststoodmotionless.Thentheylookedateachother,andmovedonawkwardly.
FumikosmiledbroadlyatGoro.‘Naturally,IsupposeyouunderstoodeverythingIsaid,’shesaid,thistimeinPortuguese.
Showinghisembarrassment,Gorogaveasmallnod.
Onthetenthdate,Goroconfessedthathehadneverbeeninarelationshipwithawomanbefore.
‘Oh,soI’mthefirstwomanwhoyou’vegoneoutwith,’Fumikosaidhappily.Itwasthefirsttimeshehadconfirmedthattheywereactuallyanitem,andGoro’seyeswidenedatthenews.
Youcouldsaythatnightmarkedthestartoftheirrelationship.
Fumikohadbeenasleepforawhilenow.Suddenly,thewomaninthedressslammedshutthebookshewasreadingandsighed.Afterpullingoutawhitehandkerchieffromherhandbag,sheslowlystoodup,andbeganwalkingtowardsthetoilet.
Stillasleep,Fumikohadn’tnoticedthatshehadleft.Kazuappearedfromthebackroom.Shewasstillwearingheruniform:awhiteshirt,blackbowtie,waistcoat,blacktrousers,andanapron.Whileshewasclearingthetable,shecalledouttoFumiko.
‘Madam.Madam.’
‘What?Yes?’Fumikosatboltuprightinsurprise.Sheblinkedhereyesandlookedaroundthecafeuntilfinallyshespottedthechange.
Thewomaninthedresswasgone.‘Oh!’
‘Theseatisfreenow.Doyouwishtositthere?’
‘OfcourseIdo!’Fumikosaid.
Shegotupinahurryandwalkedovertotheseatthatpromisedtotransporthertothepast.Itlookedlikeanormalchair,nothingoutoftheordinaryaboutit.Asshestoodthere,staringatitwithintensedesire,herheartbeatquickened.Finally,aftergettingoveralltherulesandthecurse,shehadhertickettothepast.
‘OK,nowtakemebackintimebyoneweek.’
Fumikotookadeepbreath.Shecalmedherracingheartandcarefullysqueezedintothegapbetweenthechairandthetable.Shehaditinhermindthatshewouldtravelbacktoaweekagoassoonasherbottomlandedontheseat,sohernervousnessandexcitementwerereachingpeaklevels.Shesatdownsoforcefully,shealmostbouncedbackupagain.
‘OK.Gobackoneweek!’sheexclaimed
Herheartswelledinanticipation.Shelookedaroundthecafe.Astherewerenowindows,therewasnowayoftellingnightfromday.Thethreeoldwallclockswiththeirhandspointingindifferentdirectionsdidn’ttellherthetime.Butsomethingmusthavechanged.Shelookeddesperatelyaroundthecafe,searchingforasignthatshehadgoneback.Butshecouldn’tspotasingledifference.Ifshehadreturnedtoaweekearlier,Gorowouldbethere–buthewasn’tanywheretobeseen…
‘Ihaven’tgoneback,haveI?’shemuttered.Don’ttellmeI’vebeenafoolbelievingthisnonsenseaboutreturningtothepast.
Justasshewasshowingsignsoffallingapart,Kazuappearednexttohercarryingasilvertray,uponwhichwasasilverkettleandawhitecoffeecup.
‘Ihaven’tgonebackyet,’Fumikoblurtedout.
Kazu’sexpressionwasdeadpanasalways.‘Thereisonemorerule,’shesaidcoolly.
Damn!Therewasanotherone.Itwouldtakemorethansimplysittinginthechair.
Fumikowasbeginningtogetfedup.‘Therearestillmorerules?’shesaid,yetatthesametime,shefeltrelieved.Itmeantthatgoingbacktothepastwasstillonthecards.
KazucontinuedherexplanationwithoutshowingtheslightestinterestinhowFumikowasfeeling.‘Inamoment,Iamgoingtopouryouacupofcoffee,’shesaidasshesetacupinfrontofFumiko.
‘Coffee?Whycoffee?’
‘Yourtimeinthepastwillbeginfromthetimethecoffeeispoured…’Kazusaid,ignoringthequestionfromFumiko,whowasneverthelessreassuredbythenewsitwouldbehappeningsoon.‘Andyoumustreturnbeforethecoffeegoescold.’
Fumiko’sconfidencevanishedinaflash.‘What?Thatsoon?’
‘Thelastandthemostimportantrule…’
Thetalkingneverends.Fumikowasitchingtogo.‘Toomanyrules…’shemutteredasshegrippedthecoffeecupplacedbeforeher.Thevesselwasquiteunremarkable:justacupwhichhadnotyethadcoffeepouredintoit.Butshethoughtitfeltnoticeablycoolerthantheusualporcelain.
‘Areyoulistening?’Kazucontinued.‘Whenyoureturntothepast,youmustdrinktheentirecupbeforethecoffeegoescold.’
‘Uh.Idon’tactuallylikecoffeethatmuch.’
KazuopenedhereyeswiderandbroughtherfaceaninchorsofromthetipofFumiko’snose.
‘Thisistheoneruleyouhavetoabsolutelyobey,’shesaidinalowvoice.
‘Really?’
‘Ifyoudon’t,somethingterriblewillhappentoyou…’
‘Wh-what?’
Fumikofeltuneasy.Itwasn’tthatshehadn’tbeenexpectingsomethinglikethis.Travellingintimemeantviolatingthelawsofnature–whichobviouslyentailsrisk.Butshecouldn’tbelievethetimingofKazu’sannouncement.Asinkholehadjustopeneduponthefinalstraittothefinishline.Notthatshewasgoingtogetcoldfeet–notaftershehadcomethisfar.ShelookedapprehensivelyintoKazu’seyes.
‘What?Whatwillhappen?’
‘Ifyoudon’tdrinkallthecoffeebeforeitgetscold…’
‘…IfIdon’tdrinkthecoffee?’
‘Itwillbeyourturntobetheghostsittinginthisseat.’
AboltoflightningwentoffinsideFumiko’shead.‘Seriously?’
‘Thewomanwhowassittingtherejustnow…’
‘Brokethatrule?’
‘Yes.Shehadgonetomeetherdeadhusband.Shemusthavelosttrackofthetime.Whenshefinallynoticed,thecoffeehadgonecold.’
‘…andshebecameaghost?’
‘Yes.’
ThisisriskierthanIimagined,Fumikothought.Therewerelotsofannoyingrules.Tohavemetaghostandtohavebeencursedwasextraordinary.Butnowthestakeswereevenhigher.
OK,Icanreturntothepast.Yet,Ionlyhaveuntiljustbeforemycoffeegoescold.Ihavenoideahowlongittakesforahotcoffeetogocold–it’snotgoingtobethatlong,though.Atleastitwillbelongenoughtodrinkmycoffee,evenifittastesawful.So,Idon’thavetoworryaboutthat.ButsayIdon’tdrinkit,andIturnintoaghost–that’sprettyworrying.Nowlet’sassumeIamnotgoingtochangethepresentbygoingbacktothepast,nomatterhowmuchItry–there’snoriskthere…Thereareprobablynopluses,buttherearenominuseseither.
Turningintoaghost,ontheotherhand,isadefiniteminus.
Fumikofeltherselfwavering.Shewasassailedbycountlessworries–themostimmediateofwhichwasthatthecoffeethatKazupouredwouldberevolting.Shefeltsheshouldbeabletohandlethetasteofcoffee.Butwhatifitisreallypeppery?Whatifitiswasabi-flavouredcoffee?HowcouldIpossiblydrinkanentirecupofthat?
Realizingherthoughtswerebecomingparanoid,sheshookherheadtotrytodispelthewaveofanxietythathadcomeoverher.
‘Fine.Ijusthavetodrinkthecoffeebeforeitgoescold,right?’
‘Yes.’
Hermindwasmadeup.Or,moreaccurately,astubbornresolvehadtakenroot.
Kazujuststoodthereimpassively.Fumikocouldimaginethatifshehadinsteadtoldher,Sorry,Ican’tgothroughwiththis,herreactionwouldhavebeenthesame.Shebrieflyclosedhereyes,placedherclenchedfistsonherlap,anddrewinadeepbreaththroughhernostrilsasiftryingtocentreherself.
‘I’mready,’sheannounced.ShelookedKazuintheeye.‘Pleasepourthecoffee.’
Givingasmallnod,Kazupickedupthesilverkettlefromthetraywithherrighthand.ShelookedatFumikodemurely.‘Justremember.Drinkthecoffeebeforeitgoescold,’shewhispered.
Kazubegantopourthecoffeeintothecup.Shegaveoffanairofnonchalance,butherfluidandgracefulmovementsmadeFumikofeellikeshewasobservinganancientceremony.
JustasFumikonoticedtheshimmeringsteamrisingfromthecoffeethatfilledthecup,everythingaroundthetablealsobegantocurlupandbecomeindistinguishablefromtheswirlingvapour.Shebegantofeelfearandclosedhereyes.Thesensationthatshewasshimmeringandbecomingdistorted,liketherisingsteam,becameevenmorepowerful.Sheclenchedherfiststighter.Ifthiscontinues,Iwon’tfindmyselfinthepresentorpast;I’llsimplyvanishinawispofsmoke.Asthisanxietyengulfedher,shebroughttomindthefirsttimeshemetGoro.
FumikofirstmetGorotwoyearsago,inthespring.Shewastwenty-six,threeyearsolderthanhim,andstationedataclientcompany.Gorohadbeenpostedtothesameplace,butworkedforanothercompany.Fumikowastheprojectdirectorandinchargeofallvisitingemployees.
Fumikoneverheldbackifshehadsomethingcriticaltosay,evenifitwastoasuperior.Shehadevengoneasfarastogetintoargumentswithseniorcolleagues.Butnooneeverspokecriticallyofher.Shewasalwayshonestanddirect,andherwillingnesstosparenoeffortinherworkwaswelladmired.
AlthoughGorowasthreeyearsherjunior,hegavetheimpressionofsomeoneintheirthirties.Tobeblunt,helookedmucholderthanhewas.AtfirstFumikohadfeltjuniortohimandspoketohiminapolitemanneraccordingly.Furthermore,eventhoughGorowastheyoungestintheteam,hewasthemostcompetent.Hewasahighlyskilledengineerwhowentabouthisworksilently,andFumikosawshecoulddependonhim.
TheprojectFumikowasleadingwasalmostfinished.Butjustbeforethedeliverydate,aseriousbugwasdiscovered.Therewasanerrororflawintheprogram,andwhenprogrammingformedicalsystems,evenseeminglytrivialbugsareserious.Deliveryofthesysteminthisstatewasimpossible.Butfindingthecauseofabugislikedistillingandremovingadropofinkthathasfalleninatwenty-five-metreswimmingpool.Notonlyweretheyfacingadauntingandenormoustask,theydidn’thaveenoughtimetodoit.
Asshewastheprojectdirector,theresponsibilitytofulfiltheconditionsofdeliveryfellonhershoulders.Deliverywasdueinoneweek.Asthegeneralconsensuswasthatitwouldtakeatleastamonthtofixthebug,everyonewasresignedtomissingthedeadline.Fumikothoughtshewouldhavetotenderherresignation.Amidthisturmoil,Gorodisappearedfromtheprojectworksitewithouttellinganyone,andnoonecouldgetholdofhim.Onesnidecommentledtoanotherandsooneveryonesuspectedthatthebugwashisfault.Peoplespeculatedthathemustbefeelingsoashamedthathecouldn’tshowhisface.
Ofcourse,therewasnothingconcretetosuggestthatithadbeenhismistake.Itwassimplythatiftheprojectwasgoingtobeliableforabigloss,itwasconvenientforittobesomeone’sfault.Ashewastheonewhowasmissing,hebecamethescapegoat,andnaturallyFumikowasamongthosewhosuspectedhim.Butonthefourthdayofnocontact,hesuddenlyappearedwiththenewsthathehadfoundthebug.
Hehadn’tshaved,andhedidn’tsmellverynice,butnooneevenconsideredgivinghimahardtimeforthat.Judgingbyhisexhaustedface,heprobablyhadn’tevenslept.Whileeveryothermemberoftheteam,includingFumiko,haddecideditwastoodifficultandsimplygivenup,Gorohadsucceededinsolvingtheproblem.Itwasnothinglessthanamiracle.Bytakingleavewithoutpermissionandnotcontactinganyoneaboutit,hehadviolatedbasicrulesthatappliedtoanycompanyemployee.Yethehaddemonstratedacommitmenttohisworkthatwasgreaterthananyoneelse’s,andhehadsucceededasaprogrammerwherenooneelsecould.
AfterFumikoexpressedherheartfeltgratitudeandapologizedforthinkingevenforaninstantthatitwashismistake,Gorosimplysmiledasshebowedherhead.
‘Allrightthen,perhapsyoucouldbuymeacoffee?’hesaid.
ThatwasthemomentFumikofellinlove
Aftersuccessfullydeliveringthesystem,theirnewpostingswereatdifferentcompanies,andshehardlysawhim.Butshebelievedingettingthingsdone.Whenevershecouldsparethetime,shewouldtakehimtodifferentplaces,eachtimeonthepretextofbuyinghimacoffee.
Goro’sapproachtoworkwasobsessive.Whenhestartedworkingtowardsagoal,hewouldn’tseeanythingelse.FumikofirstlearnedthatTIP-GhaditsheadquartersinAmericawhenshevisitedhishome.HetalkedsoenthusiasticallyaboutworkingforTIP-G,anditmadeherworry.Whenhisdreamcomestrue,whichwillhechoose:hisdreamorme?Imustn’tthinklikethat,there’snocomparison.Butgosh…
Then,littlebylittle,itbecameclearertoherhowbigalossitwouldbe.Shecouldnolongerbringherselftotrytoascertainhowhefeltabouther.Timepassed,andthatspring,hefinallygotanoffertoworkatTIP-G.Hisdreamhadcometrue.
Fumiko’sanxietywasjustified.GorohadchosentogotoAmerica.Hehadchosenhisdream.Shehadlearnedthisaweekago,atthiscafe.Nowsheopenedhereyesfeelingdisorientated,asifwakingfromadream.
Thesensationthatshewasaspirit,shimmeringandswirlinglikesteam,nowlefther,andshebegantoregainawarenessofherlimbs.Inapanic,shefeltherbodyandface,tomakesureitwasherselfwhohadappeared.Whenshecametohersenses,amanwastherebeforeher,watchingherstrangebehaviour,puzzled.
ItwasGoro,unlessshewasmistaken.Goro,whowasmeanttobeinAmerica,wastherebeforehereyes.Shereallyhadreturnedtothepast.Sheunderstoodthepuzzlementonhisface.Therewasnodoubtthatshehadreturnedtoaweekago.Theinsideofthecafewasjusthowsherememberedit.
ThemancalledFusagihadamagazinespreadoutonthetableclosesttothedoor.Hiraiwassittingatthecounter,andKazuwasthere.AndoppositeherwasGoro,atthesametablewheretheyhadbeen.Butjustonethingwaswrong–theseatinwhichFumikosat.
Aweekago,shehadbeensittingfacingGoro.Now,however,shewasintheseatofthewomaninthedress.ShewasstillfacingGoro,buttheywerenowonetableapart.He’ssofaraway.Hispuzzledlookwascompletelyjustified.
Butunnaturalornot,shecouldn’tleaveherseat.Thatwasoneoftherules.ButwhatifheaskswhyIamsittinghere?WhatshouldIsay?Fumikogulpedatthethought.
‘Ohgosh,isthatthetime?Sorry,Ihavetogo.’
Goromayhavelookedperplexed,butdespitetheirnowunnaturalseatingpositions,hehadsaidtheexactwordsshehadheardaweekago.Thismustbeanunspokenrulewhentravellingbacktothepast.
‘Ah,that’sOK.That’sOK.Youdon’thaveanymoretime,doyou?Idon’thavemuchtimeeither.’
‘What?’
‘Sorry.’
Theyweren’tonthesamepageandtheconversationwasn’tgoinganywhere.Althoughsheknewthemomentshehadreturnedto,Fumikowasstillconfused–itwas,afterall,thefirsttimeshehadreturnedtothepast.
Togiveherselftimetosettle,shetookasipofthecoffeewhilelookingupfromunderherbrowstoobserveGoro’sexpression.
Ohno!Thecoffeeisalreadylukewarm!Itwillbecoldinnotime!
Fumikowasdismayed.Atthistemperature,shecouldalreadyhavegulpeditdown.Thiswasanunexpectedsetback.ShescowledatKazu.ShehatedthewayKazupermanentlyworesuchadeadpanexpression.Butthatwasnotall…
‘Ugh…Sobitter.’
Thetastewasevenbittererthanshehadanticipated.Itwasthebitterestcoffeeshehadeverdrunk.GorolookedconfusedathearingFumiko’sstrangeutterance.
Rubbingabovehisrighteyebrow,Gorolookedathiswatch.Hewasworriedaboutthetime.Fumikounderstoodthat.Shewasinahurrytoo.
‘Um…Ihavesomethingimportanttosay,’shesaidhurriedly.
Fumikoshovelledsugarintohercupfromthesugarpotplacedinfrontofher.Then,afteraddingafairamountofmilk,sheclinkedandclangedhercupwithherspoonwithhervigorousstirring.
‘What?’Gorofrowned.
Fumikowasn’tsureifthefrownwasbecauseshewasaddingtoomuchsugar,orbecausehedidn’twanttotalkaboutanythingimportantjustthen.
‘WhatImeanis…Iwanttotalkaboutthisproperly.’
Gorolookedathiswatch.
‘Hangonasec…’Fumikotookasipofthecoffeethatshehadsweetened.Shenoddedinapproval.Shehadn’tdrunkcoffeeuntilshemetGoro.Ithadbeenthepretextofbuyinghimacoffeethatledtotheirdates.ThecurioussightofFumiko,whohatedcoffee,franticallyaddingatremendousamountofsugarandmilkearnedherawrysmilefromGoro.
‘Hey,thisisaserioussituation,andyou’rejustsmirkingatmedrinkingcoffee.’
‘NoI’mnot.’
‘Youblatantlyare!Youcan’tdenyit,Icantellbylookingatyourface.’
Fumikoregrettedinterruptingtheflowoftheconversation.Shehadgonetotheeffortofreturningtothepast,andnowitwasgoingthesamewayasaweekearlier.Shewasagainchasinghimawaywithherchildishtalk.
Gorogotupfromhisseat,lookingagitated.HecalledtoKazubehindthecounter.
‘Excuseme…Howmuch,please?’Hereachedforthebill.
Fumikoknewthatifshedidn’tdosomething,Gorowouldpayandthenleave.‘Wait!’
‘It’sfine,let’sleaveitatthat.’
‘Thisisn’twhatIcametosay.’
‘What?’
(Don’tgo.)
‘Whydidn’tyoutalkaboutitwithme?’
(Idon’twantyoutogo.)
‘Well,that’s…’
‘Iknowhowmuchyourworkmeanstoyou.Idon’tnecessarilymindifyougotoAmerica.Iwon’tstandintheway.’
(Ithoughtweweregoingtobetogetherforever.)
‘But,atleast…’
(Wasitonlymethinkingthat?)
‘Iwantedyoutodiscussitwithme.Youknow,it’sprettydespicablejustdecidingwithouttalkingaboutit…’
(Ireally,truly…)
‘That’sjust…well,youknow.’
(…lovedyou.)
‘Itmakesmefeelforgotten…’
‘…’
‘WhatIwantedtosaywas…’
‘…’
(Notthatit’sgoingtochangeanything)
‘Well…Ijustwantedtosaythat.’
Fumikohadplannedtospeakhonestly–afterall,itwouldn’tchangethepresent.Butshecouldn’tsayit.Shefeltthatsayingitwouldbetoadmitdefeat.Shewouldhavehatedherselfforsayinganythinglike,Whichdoyouchoose–workorme?UntilshehadmetGoro,shehadalwaysputworkfirst.Itwasthelastthingthatshewantedtosay.Shealsodidn’twanttobetalkinglikeaparodyofawoman,especiallytoaboyfriendthreeyearsherjunior–shehadherpride.Shealsowasperhapsjealousthathiscareerhadovertakenherown.Soshehadn’tspokenhonestly.Anyhow…itwastoolate.
‘Finethen,go…Whatever…It’snotasifanythingIsaywillstopyougoingtoAmerica.’
Aftersayingthis,Fumikogulpeddowntherestofhercoffee.‘Whoa.’
Whenthecupwasempty,thedizzinessstartedagain.Shewasoncemoreswallowedupbyawaveringandshimmeringworld.
Shebeganpondering.(WhatdidIcomebackfor,exactly?)
‘IneverthoughtthatIwastherightmanforyou.’
Shedidn’tknowwhyGorowouldbesayingthis.
‘Whenyouinvitedmeforcoffee,’hecontinued,‘IalwayssaidtomyselfthatImustn’tfallforyou…’
‘What?’
‘BecauseIhavethis…’Heranhisfingersthroughhisfringe,whichhadbeencombeddowntocovertherightsideofhisforehead.Herevealedthelargeburnscarthatspreadfromhisrighteyebrowtohisrightear.‘BeforeImetyou,Ialwaysthoughtwomenfoundmerepulsive,andIcouldn’teventalktothem.’
‘I…’
‘Evenafterwehadstarteddating.’
‘Itneverevenbotheredme!’shoutedFumiko,butshehadbecomeonewiththevapourandherwordsdidn’treachhim.
‘Ithoughtthatitwasonlyamatteroftimebeforeyoustartedlikingother,better-lookingguys.’
(Never…Howcanyouthinkthat!)
‘Ialwaysthoughtthat…’
(Never!)
ItwasashockforFumikotohearhimconfessthisforthefirsttime.Butnowthathementionedit,itseemedtomakesense.Themoreshelovedhim,andthemoreshethoughtaboutmarriage,themoreshecouldsensesomekindofinvisiblebarrier.
Whensheaskedifhelovedher,hewouldnod,butheneversaidthewordsIloveyou.Whentheywalkeddownthestreettogether,Gorowouldlookdownsometimes,almostapologetically,andstrokehisrighteyebrow.Gorohadalsonoticedthatmenwalkingdownthestreetwerealwaysgawkingather.
(Surelyhehadn’tbeenhunguponthat.)
Yet,asshethoughtthat,Fumikoregrettedherownthoughts.Whileshesawitashislittlehang-up,forhimitwasapainful,long-standingcomplex.
(Ihadnoideahefeltthatway.)
Fumiko’sawarenesswasfading.Herbodywasengulfedinawavering,dizzysensation.Gorohadpickedupthebillandwasmakinghiswaytothecashregisterwithhisbaginhishand.
(Nothingaboutthepresentisgoingtochange.It’srightthatitisnotgoingtochange.Hemadetherightchoice.AchievinghisdreamisworthmuchmoretohimthanIam.IguessIhavetogiveuponGoro.I’lllethimgoandwishhimsuccesswithallmyheart.)
Fumikowasslowlyclosingherbloodshoteyeswhen—
‘Threeyears,’Gorosaidwithhisbacktoher.‘Pleasewaitthreeyears.ThenI’llreturn,Ipromise.’
Itwasafaintvoice,butthecafewassmall.Althoughnowonlyvapour,FumikocouldclearlyhearGoro’svoice.
‘WhenIreturn…’Gorotouchedhisrighteyebrowoutofhabitand,withhisbacktoFumiko,saidsomethingelsethatwastoomuffledtohear.
‘Huh?What?’
Atthatmoment,Fumiko’sawarenessofthatplacebecameshimmeringsteam.Justasshewasslippingaway,FumikosawGoro’sfaceasheglancedbackbeforeleavingthecafe.Shesawhisfaceforonlyasplitsecondbuthewassmilingwonderfully,justlikethetimewhenhehadsaid,‘Perhapsyoucouldbuymeacoffee?’
Whenshecameto,Fumikowassittingintheseat,aloneinthecafe.Shefeltasifshehadjusthadadream,butthecoffeecupinfrontofherwasempty.Hermouthstillhadasweettasteinit
Justthen,thewomaninthedressreturnedfromthetoilet.WhenshecaughtFumikosittinginherchair,sheswoopedsilentlyuptoher.
‘Move,’shesaidinaneerilypowerfullowvoice.
Fumikostarted.‘I…I’msorry,’shesaid,standingupfromthechair.
Thedreamlikesensationhadstillnotdissipated.Hadshereallyreturnedtothepast?
Goingbackintimedidn’tchangethepresent,soitwasonlynormalthatnothingfeltdifferent.Thearomaofcoffeedriftedfromthekitchen.Fumikoturnedtolook.Kazuhadappearedcarryingafreshcupofcoffeeplacedonthetray
Kazuwalkedpastherasifnothinghadhappened.Whenshegottothewomaninthedress’stable,sheclearedFumiko’susedcupandplacedthefreshcupofcoffeeinfrontofthewomaninthedress.Thewomangaveasmallnodofacknowledgementandbegantoreadherbook
Returningtothecounter,Kazuaskedcasually,‘Howwasit?’
Onhearingthesewords,Fumikofinallyfeltsurethatshehadtravelledintime.Shehadreturnedtothatday–oneweekago.Butifshehad…
‘SoI’mjustthinking…’
‘Yes?’
‘Itdoesn’tchangethepresent,right?’
‘That’sright.’
‘Butwhataboutthethingsthathappenlater?’
‘I’mnotsurewhatyou’resaying.’
‘Fromnowon…’Fumikochoseherwords.‘Fromnowon–whataboutthefuture?’
KazulookedstraightatFumiko.‘Well,asthefuturehasn’thappenedyet,Iguessthat’suptoyou…’shesaid,revealingasmileforthefirsttime
Fumiko’seyeslitup.
Kazustoodinfrontofthecashregister.‘Coffeeservice,pluslate-nightsurcharge,that’sfourhundredandtwentyyen,please,’shesaidquietly.
Fumikogaveabignodandwenttowardsthecashregister.Shefeltlight-footed.Afterpaying420yen,FumikolookedKazuintheeye.
‘Thankyou,’shesaidandbowedherheadlow.
Then,afterlookingaroundtheentirecafe,sheonceagainbowed,nottoanyoneinparticular,moretothecafeitself.Thenshewalkedoutofthecafewithoutacare.
CLANG-DONG
Kazustartedenteringthemoneyintothecashregister,withherdeadpanexpression,asifnothingoutoftheordinaryhadhappened.Thewomaninthedressgaveaslightsmileasshequietlyclosedthebook,anoveltitledTheLovers
II
HusbandandWife
Thecafehasnoairconditioning.Itopenedin1874,morethanahundredandfortyyearsago.Backthen,peoplestillusedoillampsforlight.Overtheyears,thecafeunderwentafewsmallrenovations,butitsinteriortodayisprettymuchunchangedfromitsoriginallook.Whenitopened,thedecormusthavebeenconsideredveryavant-garde.ThecommonlyaccepteddatefortheappearanceofthemoderncafeinJapanisaround1888–awholefourteenyearslater.
CoffeewasintroducedtoJapanintheEdoperiod,aroundthelateseventeenthcentury.Initiallyitdidn’tappealtoJapanesetastebudsanditwascertainlynotthoughtofassomethingonedrankforenjoyment–whichwasnowonder,consideringittastedlikeblack,bitterwater.
Whenelectricitywasintroduced,thecafeswitchedtheoillampsforelectriclights,butinstallinganairconditionerwouldhavedestroyedthecharmoftheinterior.So,tothisday,thecafehasnoairconditioning.
Buteveryyear,summercomesaround.Whenmiddaytemperaturessoartoabove30degreesCelsius,youwouldexpectashop,evenonethatisunderground,tobeswelteringinside.Thecafedoeshavealarge-bladedceilingfan,which,beingelectric,musthavebeenaddedlater.Butaceilingfanlikethisonedoesn’tgenerateastrongbreezeandsimply
ThehottesttemperatureeverrecordedinJapanwas41degreesCelsiusatEkawasakiinKochiPrefecture.Itisdifficulttoimagineaceilingfanbeingatallusefulinsuchheat.Butevenintheheightofsummer,thiscafeisalwayspleasantlycool.Whoiskeepingitcool?Beyondthestaff,nooneknows–norwilltheyeverknow.
Itwasanafternooninsummer.Itwasonlyearlyintheseasonbutthetemperatureoutsidewasashighasonanymidsummerday.Insidethecafe,ayoungwomanseatedatthecounterwasbusywriting.Nexttoherwasanicedcoffeedilutedbymeltingice.Thewomanwasdressedforsummer,inawhitefrilledT-shirt,atightgreyminiskirt,andstrappysandals.Shesatwithherbackstraight,asherpenracedacrosscherry-blossom-pinkletterpaper.
Standingbehindthecounter,aslenderwomanofpalecomplexionlookedon,hereyesfilledwithayouthfulsparkle.ItwasKeiTokita,andthecontentsoftheletterhadnodoubtpiquedhercuriosity.Occasionallyshewouldtakesneakpeekswithalookofchildlikefascinationonherface.
Apartfromthewomanatthecounterwhowaswritingtheletter,theothercustomersinthecafewerethewomaninthewhitedresssittinginthatchair,andthemannamedFusagi,whowassittingatthetableseatclosesttotheentrance.Fusagionceagainhadamagazineopenedonthetable.
Thewomanwritingtheletterdrewadeepbreath.Keifollowedbytakingadeepbreathherself.
‘Sorryforbeingheresolong,’thewomansaid,insertingherfinishedletterinanenvelope.
‘Notatall,’Keisaid,fleetinglyglancingdownatherfeet.
‘Um…Doyouthinkyoucouldpassthistomysister?’
Thewomanwasgraspingtheletter-filledenvelopewithtwohands,andpresentingittoKeipolitely.HernamewasKumiHirai.ShewastheyoungersisterofthecaferegularYaekoHirai.
‘Ah.Well,ifIknowyoursister…’Keithoughtthebetterofcontinuing,andbitherlip.
KumitiltedherheadslightlyandgaveKeianinquisitivelook.
ButKeisimplysmiledasifshemeantnothingbyit.‘OK…I’llpassitontoher,’shesaid,lookingattheletterKumiwasholding.
Kumihesitatedalittle.‘Iknowshemightnotevenreadit.Butifyoucould…’shesaid,bowingherheadlow.
Keiassumedacorrectandpolitestance.‘OfcourseIwill,’shesaid,actingasifshewasbeingentrustedwithsomethingextremelyimportant.ShereceivedtheletterwithbothhandsandmadeacourteousbowwhileKumimovedtothecashregister.
‘Howmuch?’Kumiasked,handingKeithebill.
Keicarefullyplacedtheletteronthecounter.Thenshetookthebillandbeganpunchingthekeysofthecashregister.
Thiscafe’scashregisterhadtobeacontenderfortheoldestonestillinuse–althoughithadn’tbeeninthecaferightfromthebeginning.Itskeysweremuchlikethoseofatypewriter,anditwasintroducedtothecafeatthebeginningoftheShowaperiod,inabout1925.Thiswasaverysolidlybuiltcashregister,designedtopreventtheftclankeachtimeakeywaspunched.
‘Coffeeand…toast…curryrice…mixedparfait…’
Clankclankclankclank…clankclank.Keirhythmicallypunchedintheamountsofeachorder.‘Ice-creamsoda…pizzatoast…’
Kumicertainlyseemedtohaveeatenalot.Infact,noteverythingfittedononebill.Keibeganpunchingintheordersofthesecondbill.‘Currypilaf…bananafloat…cutletcurry…’Normallyit’snotnecessarytoreadouteachitem,butKeididn’tminddoingit.Thesightofherpunchingintheamountsresembledachildhappilyimmersedinplayingwithatoy.
‘ThenyouhadtheGorgonzolagnocchi,andthechickenandperillacreampasta…’
‘Isortofpiggedout,didn’tI?’saidKumiinaratherloudvoice,perhapsalittleembarrassedathavingeverythingreadout.Please,youdon’thavetoreaditallout,wasprobablywhatshewantedtosay.
‘Youcertainlydid.’
Ofcourse,itwasn’tKeiwhosaidthis–itwasFusagi.Havingheardtheorderbeingreadout,hehadmutteredthissoftlywhilehecontinuedtoreadhismagazine.
Keiignoredhim,butKumi’searswentarosypink.‘Howmuch?’Kumiasked.ButKeihadnotfinished.
‘Ah,let’ssee…thentherewasthemixedsandwich…grilledonigiri…secondcurryrice…ander…theicedcoffee…comestoatotal…oftenthousand,twohundredandthirtyyen.’
Keismiled,herroundsparklingeyesshowingnothingbutkindness.
‘OKthen,hereyougo,’Kumisaid,andshequicklypulledouttwonotesfromherpurse.
Keitookthenotesandcountedthemefficiently.‘Receivingeleventhousandyen,’shesaid,andagainshepunchedthekeysofthecashregister.
Kumiwaitedwithherheadhunglow.
Cha-ching…ThecashdraweropenedwithajoltandKeipulledoutthechange.
‘That’ssevenhundredandseventyyenchange.’
Smilingonceagain,withherroundeyessparkling,KeigaveKumithechange.
Kumibowedherheadpolitely.‘Thankyou.Itwasdelicious.’
Perhapsbecauseshewasembarrassedthatallthethingsshehadeatenhadbeenreadaloud,Kuminowseemedeagertoleavequickly.Butjustasshewasgoing,Keicalledouttostopher.
‘Um…Kumi,’shesaid.
Kumistoppedinhertracksandlookedbackather.
‘Aboutyoursister…’Keisaid,andglanceddownatherfeet.‘Isthereanymessageyouwouldlikemetogiveher?’Sheheldbothhandsupintheairassheasked.
‘Noit’sOK.Iwroteitintheletter,’Kumisaid,withouthesitation.
‘Yes,Iimagineyoudid.’Keifurrowedherbrowasifdisappointed.
PerhapstouchedthatKeishowedsuchconcern,Kumigrinnedandsaid,afteramoment’sthought,‘Perhapsthereisonethingyoucouldsay…’
‘Yesofcourse.’Kei’sexpressionbrightenedinstantly.
‘TellherthatneitherDadnorMumisangryanymore.’
‘Yourfatherandmotheraren’tangryanymore,’Keirepeated.
‘Yes…Pleasetellherthat.’
Kei’seyeswereonceagainroundandsparkling.Shenoddedtwice.‘OK,Iwill,’shesaidhappily.
KumilookedaroundthecafeandoncemorebowedpolitelytoKeibeforesheleft.
CLANG-DONG
KeiwentovertotheentrancetocheckthatKumihadgone,andthenwithaquickpirouette,shestartedtalkingtothevacantcounter.
‘Didyouhaveafightwithyourparents?’
Thenfromunderthesupposedlyvacantcounterahuskyvoiceanswered.‘Theydisownedme,’Hiraisaid,emergingfromunderthecounter.
‘Butyouheardher,right?’
‘Heardwhat?’
‘Thatyourfatherandmotheraren’tcrossanymore.’
‘I’llbelievethatwhenIseeit…’
Afterbeingcrouchedunderthecounterforareallylongtime,Hiraiwasbentoverlikeanoldwoman.Shehobbledoutintotheroom.Asalways,shehadhercurlersin.Shewasdolledupinaleopard-printcamisole,atightpinkskirt,andbeachsandals.
Hiraiwincedalittle.‘Yoursisterseemsreallynice.’
‘Whenyou’renotinmyposition,I’msuresheis…yeah.’
HiraisatonthecounterseatwhereKumihadbeensitting.Shepluckedacigarettefromherleopard-printpouchandlitit.Aplumeofsmokeroseintotheair.Followingitwithhereyes,Hirai’sfaceshowedararevulnerability.Shelookedasifherthoughtshaddriftedsomewherefaraway.
KeiwalkedaroundHiraitotakeherpositionbehindthecounter.‘Doyouwanttotalkaboutit?’sheasked.
Hiraiblewanotherplumeofsmoke.‘Sheresentsme.’
‘Whatdoyoumeansheresentsyou?’Keiasked.
‘Shedidn’twantitpasseddowntoher.’
‘Huh?’Keitiltedherheadsideways,unsurewhatHiraiwastalkingabout.
‘Theinn…’
TheinnHirai’sfamilyranwasawell-knownluxuryplaceinSendai,MiyagiPrefecture.HerparentshadplannedforHiraitotakeovertheinn,butshehadafallingoutwiththemthirteenyearsearlieranditwasdecidedthatKumiwouldbethesuccessor.Herparentswereingoodhealth,buttheyweregettingoninyearsandasthefuturemanager,Kumihadalreadytakenovermanyoftheinn’sresponsibilities.SinceKumihadacceptedshewouldtakeover,sheregularlymadethetrektoTokyotovisitHiraiandtryandpersuadehertocomehome.
‘IkeeptellingherIdon’twanttogohome.Butshekeepsonaskingtimeandtimeandtimeagain.’Hiraibentthefingersofbothhandsonebyoneasifshewascountingthetimes.‘Sayingthatshewaspersistentwouldbeanunderstatement.’
‘Butyoudon’thavetohidefromher.’
‘Idon’twanttoseeit.’
‘Seewhat?’
‘Herface.’
Keitiltedherheadinquisitively.
‘Iseeitwrittenonherface.BecauseofwhatIdid,sheisnowgoingtobetheownerofaninnshedoesn’twanttorun.Shewantsmetocomehomesothatshecanbefree,’Hiraisaid.
‘Idon’treallyseehowallthatcanbewrittenonherface,’Keisuggesteddoubtfully.
HiraiknewKeiwellenoughtoknowshewasprobablystrugglingtopicturethis.Herveryliteralmindsometimesmissedthepoint.
‘WhatImean,’Hiraisaid,‘isitjustfeelslikesheispressuringme.’
Frowning,sheblewoutanotherplumeofsmoke.
Keistoodtherethoughtfullytiltingherheadtothesideseveraltimes.
‘Ohgod!Isthatthetime?Ohdear!’Hiraisaiddramatically.Shequicklystubbedouthercigaretteintheashtray.‘I’vegotabartoopen.’Shestoodupandgingerlystretchedfromthehips.‘Yousurefeelitinyourbackafterthreehourscroucheddownlikethat.’
Hiraithumpedherlowerbackandheadedquicklyfortheentrance,herbeachsandalsflip-floppingloudly.
‘Holdon!Theletter.’KeipickeduptheletterKumihadgivenherandpresentedittoHirai.
‘Throwitaway!’Hiraisaid,withoutlooking,wavingitawaydismissivelywithherrighthand.
‘You’renotgoingtoreadit?’
‘Icanimaginewhatitsays.It’sreallytoughformebymyself.Pleasecomehome.It’sOKifyoulearntheropesonceyou’rethere.Youknow,thatsortofstuff.’
Asshespoke,Hiraipulledoutherdictionary-sizedpursefromherleopard-printpouch.Sheputthemoneyforthecoffeeonthecounter.
‘Seeyoulater,’shesaidandleftthecafe,clearlydesperatetogetaway.
CLANG-DONG
‘Ican’tjustthrowitaway.’Kei’sfaceshowedherdilemmaasshelookedattheletterfromKumi.
CLANG-DONG
WhileKeiwasstillstandingfrozenlikethis,thebellrangagainandKazuTokitaenteredthecafe,takingtheplaceofHirai.
KazuhadgoneouttodaywithNagare,thecafe’sownerandhercousin,tobuysupplies.Shereturnedcarryingseveralshoppingbagsinbothhands.Thecarkeywasjanglingwithotherkeysonthekeyringhangingoffherringfinger.Shewasdressedcasually,wearingaT-shirtandbluejeans.Thiswasinstarkcontrasttothebowtieandapronsheworewhenworking.
‘Welcomeback,’smiledKei,stillholdingtheletter.
‘Sorrywetooksolong.’
‘No,itwasfine.Itwasprettyquiet.’
‘I’llgetchangedrightaway.’Kazu’sfacewasalwaysmoreexpressivebeforesheputonherbowtie.Shestuckouthertonguecheekilyanddartedintothebackroom.
Keikeptholdingtheletter.‘Where’sthatdamnhusbandofmine?’shecalledouttothebackroom,lookingattheentrance.
KazuandNagaredidtheshoppingtogether.Thiswasn’tbecausetherewassomuchtobuy,butbecauseNagarewasadifficultshopper.Hewouldgetsocaughtupwithwantingtobuythebestthathewouldoftengooverbudget.ItwasKazu’sjobtotagalongandmakesurehedidn’t.Whiletheyweregone,Keihandledthecafealone.SometimeswhenNagarewasunabletofindtheingredientshewanted,hewouldgetinastinkandgooutdrinking.
‘Hesaidhewouldprobablybelatecomingback,’Kazusaid.
‘Oh,Ibethe’sgoneoutdrinkingagain.’
Kazupokedherheadout.‘I’lltakeovernow,’shesaidapologetically.
‘Argh…Idon’tbelievethatman!’Keisaid,puffingouthercheeks.Sheretreatedtothebackroom,stillholdingtheletter.
TheonlypeopleleftinthecafewerethewomaninthedressquietlyreadinghernovelandFusagi.Despiteitbeingsummer,theywerebothdrinkinghotcoffee.Thereweretworeasonsforthis:firstly,youreceivedfreerefillswithhotcoffee,andsecondlythecoffeebeinghotdidn’tbotherthesetwocustomersasitwasalwayscoolinsidethecafe,andtheysatthereforsolonganyway.Kazusoonreappeareddressedinhernormalwaitress’suniform.
Summerhadonlyjustbegun,buttodayitwasover30degreesCelsiusoutside.Shehadwalkedlessthanahundredmetresfromthecarparkbutthesweatstillbeadedonherface.Sheexhaledsharplywhilewipingherbrowwithahandkerchief.
‘Um,excuseme…’saidFusagi,whohadliftedhisheadfromhismagazine
‘Yes?’saidKazu,asifsomethinghadsurprisedher.
‘MayIhavearefill,please?’
‘Oh,sure.’Sheletherusualcooldemeanourslip,andrepliedinthecasualtoneshehadusedwhilewearingaT-shirtjustearlier.
FusagihadhiseyesgluedonKazuasshewalkedintothekitchen.Whenhecametothecafe,Fusagialwayssatinthesamechair.Ifanothercustomerwassittingthere,hewouldleaveratherthansitanywhereelse.Ratherthancomingeveryday,henormallymadeanappearancetwoorthreetimesaweek,sometimeafterlunch.Hewouldopenuphistravelmagazineandlookthroughitfromcovertocoverwhileoccasionallyjottingdownnotes.Hewouldusuallystayaslongasittooktofinishthemagazine.Theonlythingheeverorderedwasahotcoffee.
ThecoffeeservedatthecafewasmadefrommochabeansgrowninEthiopia,whichhaveadistinctaroma.Butitdidn’tappealtoeverybody’stastes–thoughitwasdeliciouslyaromatic,somefounditsbitterfruitinessandcomplexovertonesalittleoverbearing.OnNagare’sinsistence,thecafeonlyservedmocha.Fusagihappenedtolikethiscoffee,andheseemedtofindthecafeacomfortablespacetoleisurelyreadhismagazine.KazureturnedfromthekitchenholdingtheglasscarafetopourFusagihisrefill.
Standingbyhistable,Kazupickedupthecupbythesaucer.Fusagiwouldnormallycontinuetoreadhismagazinewhilewaitingforhertopourhisrefill–buttodaywasdifferent:helookeddirectlyatherwithastrangeexpression.
Sensingthathismannerwasdifferentfromusual,shethoughthemustwantsomethingelsebesidesthecoffeerefill.‘Isthereanythingelse?’sheaskedwithasmile.
Hesmiledatherpolitely,lookingalittleembarrassed.‘Areyouanewwaitresshere?’heasked.
Herexpressiondidn’tchangeassheplacedthecupinfrontofFusagi.‘Er…hmm,’wasallthatshereplied.
‘Oh,really?’herepliedalittlebashfully.Heseemedpleasedtohavecommunicatedtothewaitressthathewasaregularcustomer.Butsatisfiedwiththat,heimmediatelyloweredhisheadandreturnedtoreadinghismagazine.
Kazuwentaboutherworkwithadeadpanexpressionasifnothingwasoutoftheordinary.Butwithnoothercustomers,therewasnotmuchtodo.Heronlyworkatthatmomentwaswipingsomewashedglassesandplateswithateatowelandreturningthemtotheshelf.Asshewentaboutthistask,shestartedtalkingtoFusagi.Inthissmall,intimatecafe,itwasquiteeasytoholdaconversationfromsuchadistancewithoutraisingone’svoice.
‘So,doyoucomehereoften?’
Heliftedhishead.‘Yes.’
Shewenton.‘Doyouknowaboutthisplace?Haveyouhearditsurbanlegend?’
‘Yes,Iknowallaboutit.’
‘Aboutthatseataswell?’
‘Yes.’
‘Soareyouoneofthosecustomersplanningongoingbackintime?’
‘Yes,Iam,’herepliedwithouthesitation.
Sheletherhandspausebriefly.‘Ifyoureturntothepast,whatareyouplanningtodo?’Butrealizingthequestionwastoointrusiveandnotsomethingshewouldnormallyask,sheimmediatelybacktracked.‘Thatwasarudethingtoask.I’msorry…’Shebowedherheadandreturnedtoherwiping,avoidinghisgaze.
Helookedatherwithherheadbowed,andquietlypickeduphiszippedportfolio.Fromit,hepulledoutaplainbrownenvelope.Itsfourcornerswerecrumpledasthoughhehadbeencarryingitaroundforalongtime.Therewasnoaddressontheenvelope,butitlookedlikealetter.
Heheldthislettertentativelyinbothhands,holdingitupalittleinfrontofhischestforhertosee.
‘What’sthat?’sheasked,pausingonceagaininwhatshewasdoing.
‘Formywife,’hemutteredinaquietvoice.‘It’sformywife.’
‘Isthataletter?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Foryourwife?’
‘Yeah,Inevermanagedtogiveittoher.’
‘So,youwanttoreturntothedayyoumeanttopassittoher?’
‘Yeah,that’sright,’heanswered,onceagainwithoutanyhesitation.
‘So,whereisyourwifenow?’sheasked.
Ratherthanansweringstraightaway,hepausedinawkwardsilence.‘Um…’
Shestoodlookingsquarelyathim,waitingforhimtoanswer.
‘Idon’tknow,’hesaidinabarelydiscerniblevoiceashebegantoscratchhishead.Afterthisadmissionhisexpressionhardened.
Shesaidnothinginreply.
Then,asifofferinganexcuse,hesaid,‘Hmm,but,Ireallyhadawife,’andthenhehastilyadded,‘Hernamewas…’Hebegantappinghisheadwithhisfinger.‘Huh?That’sodd.’Hetiltedhishead.‘Whatwashername?’hesaid,andwentquietagain.
Atsometimeduringthis,Keihadreturnedfromthebackroom.Herfacelookeddrained,maybebecauseshehadjustwitnessedKazuandFusagi’sexchange.
‘Wellthat’sodd.I’msorry,’Fusagisaid,forcinganawkwardsmile.
Kazu’sfaceshowedasubtlemixofemotions–itwasn’tquitehernormalcoolexpression,butnorwassheshowingmuchempathy.
‘Don’tworryaboutit…’shesaid.
CLANG-DONG
Kazusilentlylookedtotheentrance.
‘Ah,’shegaspedwhenshesawKohtakestandinginthedoorway.
Kohtakeworkedasanurseatthelocalhospital.Shemusthavebeenonherwayhome.Insteadofhernurse’suniform,shewaswearinganolive-greentunicandnavy-bluecapripants.Shehadablackshoulderbagononeshoulder,andshewaswipingthesweatfromherbrowwithalilachandkerchief.KohtakecasuallyacknowledgedKeiandKazustandingbehindthecounterbeforewalkinguptoFusagi’stable.
‘Hello,Fusagi,Iseeyou’rehereagaintoday,’shesaid.
Hearinghisname,helookedupatKohtakeinpuzzlement,beforeavertinghiseyesandloweringhisheadinsilence.
Kohtakesensedthathismoodwasdifferentfromusual.Shesupposedhemightnotbefeelingverywell.‘Fusagi,areyouOK?’sheaskedgently.
Fusagiliftedhisheadandlookeddirectlyather.‘I’msorry.Havewemetbefore?’heaskedapologetically.
Kohtakelosthersmile.Inacoldsilence,thelilachandkerchiefshehadjustusedtowipeherbrowdroppedfromherhandontothefloor.
FusagihadearlyonsetAlzheimer’sdisease,andwaslosinghismemory.Thediseasecausesrapiddepletionofthebrain’sneuralcells.Thebrainpathologicallyatrophies,causinglossofintelligenceandchangestothepersonality.OneofthestrikingsymptomsofearlyonsetAlzheimer’sishowthedeteriorationofbrainfunctionappearssosporadic.Sufferersforgetsomethingsbutrememberotherthings.InFusagi’scase,hismemoriesweregraduallydisappearing,startingwiththemostrecent.Meanwhile,hispreviouslyhard-to-pleasepersonalityhadbeenslowingmellowing.
Inthatmoment,Fusagirememberedthathehadawife,buthedidn’trememberthatKohtake,standingbeforehim,washiswife.
‘Iguessnot,’Kohtakesaidquietlyasshetookone,thentwostepsback.
KazustaredatKohtake,whileKeipointedherpalefacedownatthefloor.KohtakeslowlyturnedroundandwalkedtotheseatatthecounterthatwasfurthestfromFusagiandsatdown.
Itwasaftersittingdownthatshenoticedthehandkerchiefthathaddroppedfromherhand.Shedecidedtoignoreitandpretenditwasn’thers.ButFusaginoticedthehandkerchief,whichhadfallennearhisfeet,andpickeditup.Hestaredatitinhishandforawhile,andthenherosefromhischairandwalkedovertothecounterwhereKohtakewassitting.
‘You’llhavetoexcuseme.RecentlyI’vebeenforgettingalot,’hesaidbowinghishead.
Kohtakedidn’tlookathim.‘OK,’shesaid.Shetookthehandkerchiefinhertremblinghand.
Fusagibowedhisheadagainandshuffledawkwardlybacktohisseat.Hesatdownbutcouldn’trelax.Afterturningseveralpagesofhismagazine,hepausedandscratchedhishead.Thenafewmomentslater,hereachedforhiscoffeeandtookonesip.Thecuphadonlyjustbeenrefilled,but—
‘Damncoffee’scold,’hemuttered.
‘Anotherrefill?’Kazuasked.
Buthestoodupinahurry.‘I’llbeleavingnow,’hesaidabruptly,closinghismagazineandputtingawayhisthings.
Kohtakecontinuedtostareatthefloorwithherhandsonherlapassheclenchedthehandkerchieftightly.
Fusagimovedtothecashregisterandhandedoverthebill.‘Howmuch?’
‘Threehundredandeightyyen,please,’Kazusaid,glancingsidewaysatKohtake.Shepunchedintheamountonthecash-registerkeys.
‘Threehundredandeightyyen.’Fusagipulledoutathousand-yennotefromhiswell-wornleatherwallet.‘Right,here’sathousand,’hesaidashehandedthenoteover.
‘Receivingonethousandyen,’Kazusaid,takingthemoneyandpunchingthecash-registerkeys.
FusagikeptglancingatKohtake,butwithnoapparentpurpose.Heappearedtobejustrestlesslylookingaroundwhilewaitingforthechange.
‘That’ssixhundredandtwentyyenchange.’
Fusagiquicklyreachedouthishandandtookthechange.‘Thanksforthecoffee,’hesaid,almostapologetically,andhurriedout.
CLANG-DONG
‘Thankyou,comeagain…’
UponFusagi’sdeparture,thecafefellintoanuncomfortablesilence.Thewomaninthedressquietlyreadherbook,unbotheredaseverwithwhatwasgoingonaroundher.Withnobackgroundmusicplaying,theonlysoundsthatcouldbeheardweretheconstanttickingoftheclocksandthewomaninthedressoccasionallyturningthepageofherbook.
Kazufirstbrokethislongsilence.‘Kohtake…’shesaid.Butshewasunabletofindtheappropriatewords.
‘It’sOK,Ihavebeenmentallypreparingfortoday.’KohtakesmiledatKeiandKazu.‘Don’tworry.’
Butafterspeakingsheonceagainlookeddownatthefloor.
ShehadexplainedFusagi’sillnesstoKeiandKazubefore,andNagareandHiraiknewaboutittoo.Shehadresignedherselftothefactthatonedayhewouldcompletelyforgetwhoshewas.Shewasalwayspreparingherself.Ifithappens,shethought,Iwillcareforhimasanurse.Iamanurse,soIcandothat.
EarlyonsetAlzheimer’sdiseaseprogressesdifferentlyforeachindividual,dependingonawholerangeoffactorswhichincludeage,gender,thecauseoftheillness,andthetreatment.Fusagi’srateofdeteriorationwasprogressingrapidly.
Kohtakewasstillinshockfromhisforgettingwhoshewas.Shewasstrugglingtogetthingsstraightinherheadwhilethegeneralmoodwassolow.SheturnedtoKei,butshewasinthekitchen.Almostinstantly,sheappearedholdingahalf-gallonbottleofsake.
‘Agiftfromacustomer,’Keisaidassheputitdownonthetable.‘Drink,anyone?’sheasked,withsmilingeyes,stillredfromcrying.ThenameonthelabelwasSevenHappinesses.
Kei’sspur-of-the-momentdecisionhadintroducedarayoflightintothegloomyatmosphere,andeasedthetensionbetweenthethree.
Kohtakewasintwomindsaboutdrinking,butwasreluctanttopassupthechance.‘Well,justone…’shesaid.
Kohtakewassimplythankfulthatthemoodhadchanged.ShehadheardthatKeioftenactedonimpulse,butshehadneverexpectedtoexperiencehersenseoffunatamomentlikethis.
HiraihadoftenmentionedKei’stalentforlivinghappily;shemayhavelookeddespondentafewmomentsearlier,butnowshewaslookingatKohtakewithwide,brighteyes.Kohtakefoundstaringintothoseeyesastrangelycalmingexperience.
‘I’llseeifIcanfindsomenibblestogowithit,’Kazusaid,disappearingintothekitchen.
‘Whydon’twewarmthesake?’
‘No,it’sOK.’
‘Right,we’lldrinkitasitis.’
Keiremovedtheliddeftlyandpouredthesakeintotherowofglassesshehadsetout.
KohtakeletoutachuckleasKeiplacedaglassinfrontofher.‘Thankyou,’shesaidwithathinsmile.
Kazureturnedwithatinofpickles.‘ThiswasallIcouldfind…’Sheputdownasmalldish,tippedthepicklesontoitandsetthreesmallforksonthecounter.
‘Oh,yum!’Keisaid.‘ButIcan’tdrinkmyself.’Shebroughtoutacartonoforangejuicefromthefridgeunderthecounterandpouredherselfaglass.
Noneofthethreewomenwerethatparticularaboutsake,especiallyKei,whodidn’tdrink.SevenHappinessesearneditsnamefromtheclaimthatthosewhodrankitwouldobtainsevendifferentkindsofhappiness.Itwastransparent,pigment-freetop-shelfsake.Thetwodrinkersdidnottakemuchnoticeofthispremiumsake’ssubtleglacialhue–noritsfruityaroma.Butitwentdownwellanddeliveredonthehappyfeelingitslabelpromised.
AsKohtakeinhaledthesweetaroma,sherecalledonesummerday,somefifteenyearsago,whenshefirstvisitedthecafe.
TherehadbeenaheatwaveinJapanthatsummer.Recordtemperatureswerecontinuallyreportedthroughoutthecountry.Dayafterday,thetelevisiondiscussedtheunusualweather,oftenalludingtoglobalwarming.Fusagihadtakenadayofffromwork,andtheyhadgoneshoppingtogether.Thatdaywasarealscorcher.Hotandbotheredfromtheheat,Fusagipleadedthattheytakerefugesomewherecool,andtogethertheysearchedforasuitableplace,likeacafe.Theproblemwasthateveryonehadthesameidea.Noneofthecafesorfamilyrestaurantstheyspottedhademptyseats.
Bychance,theysawasmallsigninanarrowbackalley.Thecafe’snamewasFuniculiFunicula.ItwasthesamenameasasongKohtakeonceknew.Itwasalongtimesinceshe’dheardit,butshestillrememberedthemelodyclearly.Thelyricswereaboutclimbingavolcano.Thethoughtofred-hotlavaonthishotsummerdaymadeeverythingseemevenhotterandjewel-likebeadsofsweatformedonKohtake’sbrow.However,whentheyopenedtheheavywoodendoorandentered,thecafewasrefreshinglycool.Theclang-dongofthebellwasalsocomforting.And,eventhoughithadthreetwo-seatertablesandathree-seatercounter,theonlycustomertherewasawomaninawhitedressseatedfurthestfromtheentrance.Thankstoastrokeofluck,theyhadmadearealfind.
‘Whatarelief,’Fusagisaidandchosethetableclosesttotheentrance.Hequicklyorderedicedcoffeefromthewomanwiththebrighteyeswhobroughtthemglassesofcoldwater.‘Icedcoffeeformetoo,please,’Kohtakesaid,sittingoppositehim.Fusagimusthavebeenuncomfortablewiththisseatingarrangement,ashemovedandsatatthecounter.Thisdidn’tupsetKohtake:shewasusedtosuchbehaviourfromhim.Shewasjustthinkinghowwonderfulitwastofindsucharelaxingcafesoclosetothehospitalwheresheworked.
Thethickpillarsandthemassivewoodenbeamthatcutacrosstheceilingwerealustrousdarkbrown,likethecolourofchestnuts.Mountedonthewallswerethreelargewallclocks.Kohtakedidn’tknowmuchaboutantiquesbutshecouldtellthatthesewerefromanearlierperiod.Thewallsweretan,madeofearthenplasterwithawonderfulpatinaofobscurestainsthathadobviouslybuiltupovermanyyears.Itwasdaytimeoutside,butinthiswindowlesscafe,therewasnosenseoftime.Dimlightinggavethecafeasepiahue.Allthiscreatedacomforting,retroatmosphere.
Ithadbeenincrediblycoolinthecafe,buttherewasnosignofanairconditioner.Awooden-bladedfanfixedtotheceilingwasslowlyrotating,butthatwasall.Thinkinghowstrangeitwasthatthiscafewassocool,KohtakeaskedbothKeiandNagareaboutit.Neitherprovidedsatisfactoryanswers;theyjustsaid,‘It’sbeenlikethissincelongago.’
Kohtaketookarealshinetotheatmosphere,andtothepersonalitiesofKeiandtheothers.Andsoshebegantocomeoftenduringherbreaksfromwork.
‘Chee—’KazuwasgoingtosayCheersbutstoppedherself,screwingupherfaceasifshehadcommittedafauxpas.
‘Iguessit’snotacelebration,isit?’
‘Oh,comeon.Let’snotbetoodown,’Keisaidglumly.SheturnedtoKohtakeandsmiledsympathetically.
KohtakeheldupherglassinfrontofKazu’s.‘I’msorry.’
‘No,it’sfine.’
Kohtakesmiledreassuringlyandclinkedglasseswithher.Thisharmoniousclink–unexpectedandcheerful–soundedthroughouttheroom.KohtaketookasipofSevenHappinesses.Itsgentlesweetnessspreadthroughhermouth.‘It’sbeenhalfayearsincehestartedcallingmebymymaidenname…’shebegan,speakingsoftly.‘It’ssilentlyprogressing.Fadingaway,slowlybutsteadilyfadingaway…Hismemoryofme,thatis.’Shelaughedsoftly.‘Ihavebeenmentallypreparingforthis,youknow,’shesaid.
AsKeilistened,hereyeswereagainslowlyreddening.
‘Butit’sreallyOK…honestly,’Kohtakehastenedtoadd,wavingherhandreassuringly.‘Heyguys,I’manurse.Look,evenifmyidentityistotallyerasedfromhismemory,I’llbepartofhislifeasanurse.I’llstillbethereforhim.’
KohtakehadputonhermostconfidentvoicetoreassureKeiandKazu.Shemeantwhatshesaid.Shewasputtingonabraveface,butherbraverywasreal.IcanstillbethereforhimbecauseI’manurse.
Kazuwasplayingwithherglass,staringatitwithadeadpanexpression.
Kei’seyeswelledupagainandasingleteardropfell.
Flap.
ThesoundcamefrombehindKohtake.Thewomaninthedresshadclosedherbook
Kohtaketurnedroundtoseethewomaninthedressplacingtheclosednovelonthetable.Shetookahandkerchieffromherwhitepurse,rosefromthetableandheadedtowardsthetoilet.Thewomaninthedresswalkedsilently.Hadtheynotheardthenovelclose,theymightneverevenhavenoticedshehadgone.
Kohtake’seyesstayedgluedtohermovements,butKeijustglancedather,andKazutookasipofSevenHappinessesanddidn’tevenlookup.Afterall,itwasjustanordinarydailyoccurrenceforthem.
‘Thatremindsme.IwonderwhyFusagiwantstoreturntothepast?’Kohtakesaid,staringattheseatvacatedbythewomaninthedress.Sheknew,ofcourse,thatthatwastheseatforreturningtothepast.
BeforetheAlzheimer’sdiseasetookhold,Fusagiwasnotthetypeofpersonwhobelievedinsuchtales.WhenKohtakecasuallymentionedtherumourthatthiscafecouldsendyoubacktothepast,hewouldscoff.Hedidn’tbelieveinghostsortheparanormal.
Butafterhestartedtolosehismemory,theonce-scepticalFusagistartedcomingtothecafeandwaitingforthewomaninthedresstoleaveherseat.WhenKohtakefirstheardofthis,shefoundithardtobelieve.ButpersonalitychangeisoneofthesymptomsofAlzheimer’s,andnowthatthediseasehadprogressed,Fusagihadnewlybecomeveryabsent-minded.Inlightofsuchchanges,Kohtakehaddecidedthatitwasn’tparticularlystrangethathehadchangedwhathebelievedin.
Butwhydidhewanttoreturntothepast?
Kohtakewasverycuriousaboutthis.Shehadaskedhimonseveraloccasions,buthejustsaid,‘It’sasecret.’
‘Apparentlyhewantstogiveyoualetter,’Kazusaid,asifreadingKohtake’smind.
‘Giveittome?’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Aletter?’
‘Fusagisaiditwassomethinghenevermanagedtogiveyou.’
Kohtakewassilent.Thensherepliedmatter-of-factly,‘Isee…’
UncertaintysweptacrossKazu’sface.Kohtake’sreactiontothisnewswasunexpectedlycool.Wasitimpertinenttohavementionedit?
ButKohtake’sresponsewasn’tanythingtodowithKazu.TherealreasonforhercurtresponsewasthefactthatFusagi’shavingwrittenheraletterdidn’tmakemuchsense.Afterall,hewasneveranygoodatreadingorwriting.
Fusagihadgrownuppoorinasmallderelicttown.Hisfamilywasintheseaweedtradeandeverymemberhelpedout.Buthelpingoutaffectedhisschoolworksobadlythatheneverlearnedtowriteanythingmorethanhiragana,andahundredorsokanjicharacters–roughlywhatachildnormallylearnsinthefirstyearsofelementaryschool.
KohtakeandFusagiwereintroducedtoeachotherviaamutualacquaintance.Kohtakewastwenty-onewhileFusagiwastwenty-six.Thiswasbeforeeveryonehadmobilephones,sotheycommunicatedbylandlineandletters.Fusagiwantedtobealandscapegardener,andlivedwhereverheworked.Kohtakehadstartednursingcollege,whichfurtherreducedtheiropportunitiestomeet.Theydidcommunicate,though–byletter.
Kohtakewroteallkindsofthingsinherletters.Shewroteaboutherself,ofcourse.Shewroteaboutwhatwentonatthenursingcollege,ofgoodbooksshehadread,anddreamsofthefuture.Shewroteofeventswhichrangedfromthemundanetothemajornewsoftheday,explainingindetailherfeelingsandreactions.Sometimestheletterswereaslongastenpages.
Fusagi’sreplies,ontheotherhand,werealwaysshort.Therewereeventimeswhenhewouldsendone-linereplieslike,‘Thanksfortheinterestingletter,’or,‘Iknowjustwhatyoumean.’Atfirst,Kohtakethoughthemustbebusywithworkanddidn’thavethetimetoreply,butinletterafterletterFusagicontinuedtogivethesebriefreplies.Shetookthistomeanthathewasn’tveryinterestedinher.Kohtakewroteinherletterthatifhewasn’tinterestedthenheshouldn’tbotherreplying,thatwiththislettershewouldstopwritingifshedidn’tgetareply.
Fusaginormallyrepliedwithinaweek,butnotthistime.Therewasstillnothingafteramonth.ThiswasashocktoKohtake.Certainly,hisreplieswereshort.Buttheyneversoundednegative,liketheyhadbeenwrittenoutofobligation.Onthecontrary,theyalwaysseemedfrankandgenuine.Soshewouldn’tgiveupquiteyet.Infact,shewasstillwaitingtwoandahalfmonthsaftershehadsenttheultimatum.
Thenoneday,afterthosetwomonths,aletterarrivedfromFusagi.Allitsaidwas:‘Let’sgetmarried.’
Thosefewwordsmanagedtomoveherinawayshehadneverfeltbefore.ButKohtakefoundithardtoreplyproperlytosuchaletter,Fusagihavingopenedhisheartinsuchaway.Intheend,shesimplywrote:
‘Yes,let’s.’
Itwasn’tuntillaterthatshelearnedhecouldbarelyreadorwrite.Whenshefoundout,sheaskedhimhowhemanagedtoreadallthelonglettersshewrotetohim.Apparently,hejustallowedhiseyestowanderoverthem.Thenhejustwroteinhisreplythevagueimpressionhegotfromthisgazing.Butwiththelastletter,aftercastinghiseyesoverit,hewasovercomewithafeelingthathehadmissedsomethingimportant.Hereaditwordbywordwhileaskingdifferentpeopletotellhimwhatthewordswere–hencethelongtimeittooktoreply.
Kohtakestilllookedlikeshecouldn’tbelieveit.
‘Itwasabrownenvelope,aboutthissize,’saidKazudrawingintheairwithherfingers.
‘Abrownenvelope?’
UsingabrownenvelopeforalettersoundedlikesomethingFusagiwoulddo,butitstilldidn’tmakesensetoKohtake.
‘Aloveletterperhaps?’suggestedKei,hereyessparklinginnocently.
Kohtakesmiledwryly.‘No,notachance,’shesaid,dismissingtheideawithawaveofherhands.
‘Butifitwasaloveletter,whatwillyoudo?’Kazuaskedwithanawkwardsmile.
Shedidn’tnormallypryintopeople’sprivatelives,butperhapsshewasrunningwiththeideaitwasalovelettertohelpgetridofthedarkmoodthathaduntilthenhungintheair.
Alsoeagertochangethesubject,Kohtakewillinglyacceptedthelove-lettertheoryproposedbythosewhowereunawareofhowawfulFusagiwasatreadingandwriting.‘IsupposeIwouldwanttoreadit,’sherepliedwithagrin.
Thatwasnolie.Ifhehadwrittenheraloveletter,ofcourseshewantedtoreadit.
‘Whynotgobackandsee?’Keisaid.
‘What?’KohtakelookedatKei,herfaceblankwithincomprehension.
KazurespondedtoKei’scrazyideabyhurriedlyplacingherglassonthecounter.‘Sis,seriously?’shesaid,bringingherfaceclosetoKei’s.
‘Sheshouldreadit,’Keisaid,assertively.
‘Kei,mylove,holdon,’Kohtakesaid,tryinghardtoslowherdown,butitwasalreadytoolate.
KeiwasbreathingheavilyandwasnotinterestedinKohtake’sefforttorestrainher.‘Ifit’saloveletterthatFusagiwrotetoyou,youneedtoreceiveit!’
Keiwasconvinceditwasaloveletter.Andaslongasshehadthisinhermind,shewouldn’tbestopped.Kohtakehadknownherlongenoughtorealizethat
Kazudidn’tlooklikeshewasparticularlycomfortablewithwherethiswasgoing,butshejustsighedandsmiled.
Kohtakeonceagainlookedattheseatvacatedbythewomaninthedress.Shehadheardtherumouraboutreturningtothepast.Shealsoknewaboutthevariousfrustratingrules,andnever–notonce–hadsheevercontemplatedgoingbackintimeherself.Shewasevenuncertainastowhethertherumourwastrue.Butif,say,itwastrue,shewasnowdefinitelyinterestedintryingit.Shewanted,morethananything,toknowwhatthelettercontained.IfwhatKazusaidwasright,ifshewasabletoreturntothedaythatFusagihadplannedtogiveittoher,shesawaglimmerofhopethatshemightstillgettoreadit.
Shehad,however,adilemma.NowthatsheknewFusagiwantedtogobackintimetogiveheraletter,wasitrighttogobacktothepasttoreceiveit?Shewasintwominds–itseemedwrongtogetholdoftheletterthatway.Shetookadeepbreathandtookstockofthecurrentsituationcalmly.
Sherememberedtherulethatgoingbackintimewouldnotchangethepresent,nomatterhowmuchyoutried.Thatmeantthatevenifshereturnedtothepastandreadthatletter,nothingwouldchange.
‘Itwon’tchange,’Kazusaid,bluntly,whenKohtakeaskedtodoublecheck.
Kohtakefeltsomethinglargestirringinherheart.So,nochangetothepresentmeantthatevenifshewentbackandtookit,Fusagiwould,inthepresent,stillbeintendingtoreturntothepasttogivehertheletter.
ShegulpeddownherglassofSevenHappinesses.Itwasjustthethingtosetherresolve.Exhalingdeeply,sheputtheglassdownonthecounter.‘That’sright.That’sright,’shemutteredtoherself.‘Ifit’sreallyaloveletterwrittenforme,howcanitbeaproblemifIreadit?’
Callingitaloveletterdispelledherfeelingsofguilt.
Keinoddedvigorouslyinagreement,andgulpeddowntheorangejuiceasiftoexpresssolidaritywithher.Hernostrilsflaredexcitedly.
Kazudidnotjointheothertwoindowningherdrink.Shequietlyplacedtheglassonthecounteranddisappearedintothekitchen.
Kohtakestoodinfrontoftheseatthatwouldtransporther.Feelingherbloodpumpingthroughherbody,shecarefullysqueezedinbetweenthechairandthetableandsatdown.Thecafe’schairsalllookedlikeantiques,elegantlyshapedwithcabriolelegs.Theseatandbackwereupholsteredinamoss-greenfabric,andKohtakesuddenlysawtheminafreshlight.Shenoticedthatallthechairswereinexcellentconditionasiftheywerebrandnew.Itwasn’tjustthechairs,either;theentirecafewassparklingclean.IfthiscafeopenedatthebeginningoftheMeijiperiod,itmusthavebeenoperatingformorethanahundredyears.Yettherewasnottheslightesthintofmustiness.
Shesighedinadmiration.Sheknewthatinordertokeepthiscafelookingthisway,someonemustbespendingalotoftimeeachdaycleaning.ShelookedtohersidetoseestandingthereKazu,whohadapproachedwithoutKohtakenoticingher.Standingtheresoquietly,therewassomethingeerieaboutherappearance.Shewascarryingasilvertray,onwhichtherewereawhitecoffeecupand,insteadoftheglasscarafenormallyusedtoservecustomers,asmallsilverkettle.
Kohtake’sheartskippedabeatasshesawhowstunningKazulooked.Hernormalgirlishqualitieshaddisappeared,andshenowworeanexpressionthatwasbothelegantandintimidatinglysombre.
‘You’refamiliarwiththerules,right?’Kazuaskedinacasualbutdistanttone.
Kohtakehurriedlywentthroughtherulesinhermind.
Thefirstrulewasthatwhenreturningtothepast,theonlypeopleonecouldmeetwerethosewhohadvisitedthecafe.
That’snoproblemforme,thoughtKohtake.Fusagihasvisitedherecountlesstimes
Thesecondrulewasthatthepresentwouldn’tbechangedbyreturningtothepast,nomatterhowhardonetried.Kohtakehadalreadyreassuredherselfthatthisrulewasn’taproblem.Ofcourse,thisdidnotonlyapplytoletters.If,forexample,arevolutionarytreatmentforAlzheimer’sdiseasewasdiscoveredandsomehowtakenbacktothepasttobetriedonFusagi,itwouldbeunabletoimprovehiscondition.
Itseemedanunkindrule.
Thethirdrulewasthat,inordertoreturntothepast,onehadtositinthisseatinparticular.Bychance,thewomaninthedresshadgonetothetoiletjustatthatmoment.ThenarrowwindowofopportunitywasperfectlytimedforKohtaketotakeadvantageof.Shehadalsoheard–thoughdidn’tknowifitwastrue–thatifyoutriedtoforcefullyremovethewomaninthedressfromherseat,shewouldcurseyou.Socoincidenceornot,Kohtakefeltluckyindeed.
Buttherulesdidnotendthere.
Thefourthrulewasthatwhenonereturnedtothepast,itwasnotpossibletomovefromthechairinwhichonewasseated.Itwasn’tthatyouwerestucktothechair,butratherthatifyoudidgetup,youwouldbeforcefullybroughtbacktothepresent.Asthiscafewasinabasement,therewasnomobile-phonesignal,hencetherewasnochanceofgoingbackandcallingsomeonewhowasn’tthere.Also,notbeingabletoleaveyourseatmeantyoucouldn’tgooutside–yetanotherdetestablerule.
Kohtakehadheardthatseveralyearsagothecafehadbecomequitefamous,attractingathrongofcustomerswhoallwantedtoreturntothepast.Withallthesemaddeningrules,nowonderpeoplestoppedcoming,shethought.
KohtakesuddenlyrealizedthatKazuwassilentlywaitingforherreply.‘Ihavetodrinkthecoffeebeforeitgoescold,right?’
‘Yes.’
‘Isthereanythingelse?’
Therewasoneotherthingshewantedtoknow:howcouldshemakesurethatshereturnedtotherightdayandtime?
‘Youneedtoformastrongimageofthedayyouwanttoreturnto,’Kazuadded,asifreadinghermind.
Simplybeingaskedtoformanimagewasrathervague.‘Animage?’Kohtakeasked.
‘AdaybeforeFusagiforgotyou.Adaywhenhewasthinkingofpassingyoutheletter…andadaywhenhebroughttheletterwithhimtothecafe.’
Adaywhenhestillrememberedher–itwasaroughguess,butsherememberedadayinsummerthreeyearsago.ItwasatimebeforeFusagihadshownanysymptoms.
Adaywhenhemeanttohandhertheletter–thiswasdifficult.Ifshehadn’treceivedit,howcouldsheknow?Yetitwouldbemeaninglesstoreturntoadaybeforehe’dwrittentheletter.ShedecidedsheshouldsimplyvisualizeanimageofFusagiwritingtoher.
Andadaywhenhebroughttheletterwithhimtothecafe–thisonewasimportant.Evenifshemanagedtogobackintimeandmeethim,ifhedidn’thavetheletter,everythingwouldbecomepointless.Luckily,sheknewthathenormallyputallhisimportantthingsinhisblackzipperedportfolio,andhewouldcarrythiswithhim.Ifitwasaloveletter,hewouldn’tleaveitlyingaroundathome.Hewould
Shedidn’tknowthedaywhenhemeanttogiveittoher,butwheretherewasabag,therewasaway.SheformedanimageofFusagicarryinghiszipperedportfoliowithhim.
‘Areyouready?’saidKazuinacalm,quietvoice.
‘Justamoment.’Shetookadeepbreath.Sheformedtheimagesonemoretime.‘Dayhedoesn’tforget…letter…dayhecame…’shechantedsoftly.
OK,enoughmessingaround.
‘I’mready,’shesaid,staringdirectlyintoKazu’seyes.
Kazugaveasmallnod.ShesettheemptycoffeecupinfrontofKohtakeandcarefullypickedupthesilverkettlefromthetrayinherrighthand.Herballerina-likemotionswereefficientandbeautiful.
‘Justremember…’Kazupaused,facingKohtakewithdowncasteyes.‘Drinkthecoffeebeforeitgoescold.’
Thesesoftwordsechoedthroughthesilentcafe.Kohtakesensedhowtensetheatmospherehadbecome.
Withaseriousandceremonialair,Kazubeganpouringcoffeeintothecup.
Athinstreamofpitch-blackcoffeepouredfromthenarrowspoutofthesilverkettle.Unlikethegurglingsoundmadebycoffeepouredfromacarafewithawidemouth,thecoffeefilledthewhitecoffeecupsilentlyandeversoslowly
Kohtakehadneverseensuchakettlebefore.Itwasalittlesmallerthanthoseshehadseenatothercafes.Solidlybuilt,itlookedveryelegantandrefined.Thecoffeeisprobablyspecialaswell,shethought.
Assuchthoughtswerepassingthroughhermind,awispofsteamrosefromthenow-fullcup.Atthatmoment,everythingaroundKohtakebegantorippleandshimmer.Herentirefieldofvisionsuddenlyseemedsurreal.SherecalledtheglassofSevenHappinessessherecentlydowned.PerhapsI’mfeelingitseffects?
No.Thiswasdefinitelydifferent.Whatshewasexperiencingwasfarmorealarming.Herbodyhadalsobegunripplingandshimmering.Shehadbecomethesteamcomingoffthecoffee.Itseemedasifeverythingaroundherwasunravelling
Kohtakeclosedhereyes,notoutoffear,butinanattempttofocus.Ifindeedshewasnowtravellingbackintime,shewantedtomentallyprepareherself.
TheveryfirsttimeKohtakenoticedachangeinFusagi,itwasbecauseofsomethinghesaid.Onthedayheadmittedoutloudwhathadhappened,Kohtakewaspreparingdinnerwhilewaitingforhimtocomehome.Alandscapegardener’sworkdoesnotsimplyinvolvepruningbranchesandrakingleaves.Hehastoconsiderthebalancebetweenthehouseandthegarden.Thegardencannotbetoocolourful,norcanitbetooplain.‘Thekeywordisbalance.’ThatwaswhatFusagihadalwayssaid.Hisworkdaybeganearlybutfinishedatdusk.Unlesstherewasaparticularreasonnotto,Fusagiwouldcomehomestraightaway.SowhenKohtakedidn’thaveanightshift,shewouldwaitforhimandtheywouldeattogether.
Onthisoccasion,nightcame,butFusagihadstillnotcomehome.Thiswasunusualbehaviour,butKohtakeassumedhemusthavegoneoutdrinkingwithcolleagues.
When,finally,hedidcomehome,itwastwohourslaterthanusual.Normally,whenhecamehomehewouldalwaysringthedoorbellthreetimes.Butthatnight,hedidn’tring.Instead,Kohtakeheardthesoundofthedoorknobturningandavoicefromoutsidesaying,‘It’sme.’
Onhearinghisvoice,sherushedandopenedthedoorinapanic.Shethoughthemusthavehurthimselfinsomewaythatpreventedhimfromringingthedoorbell.Buttherehewas,lookingashealwaysdid:dressedsimplyinhisgreygardeningsmockwithhisnavybreeches.Hehadtakenhistoolbagfromhisshoulder,and,lookingalittleashamedofhimself,admitted,‘Igotlost.’
Thathadhappenedaroundtheendofsummertwoyearsago.
Beinganurse,Kohtakehadbeentrainedtorecognizeearlysymptomsofawholerangeofillnesses.Thiswasmorethansimplyforgettingsomething.Shewassureofit.Soonafterhebegantoforgetwhetherornothehaddoneataskatwork.Aftertheillnesshadprogressedabitfurther,hewouldwakeinthenightandsayoutloud,‘Iforgottodosomethingimportant.’Whenthishappened,shewouldn’targuewithhim;shefocusedoncalminghimandreassuringhimthattheycouldcheckuponitinthemorning.
Sheevenconsultedadoctorbehindhisback.Shewaskeentotryanythingthatmightslowtheadvancementofhisdisease,evenifbyjustalittle.
Butasthedayswenton,hebegantoforgetmoreandmore.
Helikedtotravel.Itwasn’tthetravelitselfthatheliked,buttheopportunitytovisitgardensindifferentplaces.Kohtakealwaysarrangedtotakeherholidaysatthesametimeashimsothattheycouldgotogether.Hewouldcomplainandsayhewasgoingforwork,butthatdidn’tbotherher.Whileonatrip,hisbrowseemedpermanentlyfurrowed,butsheknewthatthiswashowhelookedwheneverhewasdoingsomethingheliked.
Evenashisillnessprogressed,hedidn’tstoptravelling,buthedidstartvisitingthesamedestinationoverandoveragain.
Afterawhiletheillnessbegantoaffecttheirdailylives.Heoftenforgotthathehadboughtthings.Moreandmoreoften,therewouldbedayswhenhewouldask,‘Whoboughtthis?’andthenspendtherestofthedayinabadmood.Theylivedintheapartmenttheyhadmovedtoaftergettingmarried,buthebegannotcominghomeandshewouldfrequentlygetcallsfromthepolice.Thenaboutsixmonthsago,hestartedcallingherbyhermaidenname,Kohtake.
Finallythedizzysensationofripplingandshimmeringfaded.Kohtakeopenedhereyes.Shesawtheslowlyrotatingceilingfan…herhands,andherfeet.Shewasnolongersteam.
However,shedidn’tknowwhethershehadactuallygonebackintime.Thecafehadnowindowsandthelightingwasalwaysdim.Unlessonelookedatawatch,therewasnowayofknowingwhetheritwasdayornight.Thethreesolid-lookingclocksonthewallallshowedcompletelydifferenttimes.
Butsomethingwasdifferent.Kazuhadvanished.Keiwasnowheretobeseeneither.Kohtaketriedtocalmherself,butshewasunabletostopherheartfrombeatingfasterandfaster.Sheonceagainlookedaroundthecafe.
‘There’snoonehere,’shemuttered.TheabsenceofFusagi,whoshehadgonebacktomeet,wasahugedisappointment.
Shelookedattheceilingfaninadazeandconsideredherplight.
Itwasashame,butperhapsitwasforthebest.Actually,insomewaysshewasrelieved.Ofcourseshewantedtoreadtheletter.Butshecouldn’thelpfeelingguiltythatshewassneakingapeek,sotospeak.Fusagiwouldhavesurelybeencrosstolearnthatshehadcomefromthefuturetoreadwhathehadwritten.
Itwasn’tasifanythingshedidwouldchangethepresentanyway.Itdidn’tmatterifsheneverreadit.Ifbyreadingithisconditionwouldsomehowimprove,thenofcourseshewould–shewouldgiveherlifeforthat.Buttheletterhadnothingtodowithhiscondition.Itwouldn’tchangethefactthathehadforgottenher,either.
Shecoollyandrationallyconsideredherpredicament.Justearlier,shehadtheshockofhimaskingherwhetherthey’dmetbefore.Ithadreallyupsether.Shehadknownthistimewouldcome,butitstillcaughtheroffbalance,andbroughtherhere.
Shewasbeginningtofeelmorecomposed
Ifthiswasthepast,thenitheldnothingofuse.Ishouldreturntothepresent.EvenifIamjustastrangertoFusagi,Icanbehisnurse.ImustdowhatIcan.Sherememberedherheart’sresolveandreaffirmedit.
‘Idoubtit’saloveletter,’shemutteredtoherselfasshereachedoutforthecupofcoffee.
CLANG-DONG
Someonehadenteredthecafe.Toenterthiscafe,onehastodescendstairsfromthegroundlevel,andgointhroughalargedoorabouttwometreshigh,madeoutofsolidwood.It’swhenthisdooropensthatthebellsounds,butthevisitordoesnotimmediatelyappearattheentrance,asasmallpatchofflooringmustbecrossedfirst.Oncethebellrings,thereisatimelagofafewsecondsbeforethevisitortakesthoseoneortwostepsandentersthecafe.
Sowhenthebellrang,Kohtakehadnoideawhohadcomein.WasitNagare?OrKei?Shenoticedhownervousthesuspensewasmakingher.Herheartwasracinginexcitement.Itwasn’tthekindofthingshenormallydid–aonceinalifetimeexperience,tobeexact.IfitwasKei,shewouldprobablyaskmewhy.Kazu,ontheotherhand,wouldjustprobablydeliverherusualcustomerservice…thatwouldprobablybeadisappointment.
Kohtakeplayedoutvariousscenariosinhermind.ButthepersonwhoappearedwasneitherKeinorKazu.StandinginthedoorwaywasFusagi.
‘Oh…’Kohtakesaid.Hissuddenappearancehadtakenherbysurprise.Itwashimshehadcomebacktosee,butshehadn’tbeenexpectinghimtowalkintothecaferightthen.
Hewaswearinganavypoloshirtandbeigeknee-lengthshorts.Itwaswhatheoftenworeonhisdaysoff.Itmusthavebeenhotoutside,ashewasfanninghimselfwithhisblackzipperedportfolio.
Shesatunmovinginherchair.Hestoodattheentranceforawhile,staringatherwithanoddlook.
‘Hithere,’shebegan.
Shefeltcluelessastohowshewasgoingtobroachwhatshehadcometotalkabout.Hehadneverstaredatherlikethis.Notsincetheymet–letalonesincetheyhadbeenmarried.Itwasbothflatteringandembarrassing.
Shehadformedahazyimageofthreeyearsagobutshedidn’tknowhowtomakesurethatthatwaswhereshewas.Maybeshehadn’timagineditright,andifthatwasthecase,whatwastosaythatbysomemistakeshe’dgotthethreeright,butshehadonlyreturnedtothreedaysago?Justwhenshebegantothinkshemighthavebeentoovague…
‘Ohhello.Ididn’texpecttoseeyouhere,’hesaidmatter-of-factly.
Fusagisoundedlikehehadbeforehebecameill.Hewasasshehadpicturedhim–thatistosay,hewashowsherememberedhim.
‘Iwaswaiting,butyoudidn’tcomehome,’headded.
Helookedawayfromhergaze.Hecoughednervouslywithafurrowedbrow,asifuncomfortablewithsomething.
‘Soit’sreallyyou?’shesaid.
‘Huh?’
‘YouknowwhoIam?’
‘What?’Helookedatherwithbemusement.
Butshewas,ofcourse,notjoking.Shehadtomakesure.Itwasobviousthatshehadreturnedtothepast.Butwhen?BeforeoraftertheonsetoftheAlzheimer’s?
‘Justsaymyname,’shesaid.
‘Areyougoingtostopmessingwithme?’hespatoutcrossly.
Thoughhehadn’tansweredthequestion,shesmiledwithrelief.‘No,it’sOK,’shesaid,shakingherheadalittle.
Thisshortexchangetoldhereverythingsheneededtoknow.Shehaddefinitelygoneback.TheFusagistandingbeforeherwasFusagifrombeforehehadlosthismemory.Andiftheimageshepicturedhadworked,itwastheFusagiofthreeyearsago.Kohtakesmiledasshegavehercoffeeanunnecessarystir.
FusagiobservedKohtakeandherpeculiarbehaviour.‘You’reactingabitstrangetoday,’hesaid,lookingaroundthecafe,asifhehadjustrealizednooneelsewasthere.
‘Nagare,youhere?’hecalledtothekitchen.
Withnoreply,hewentbehindthecounter,flappinghissettasandalsashewalked.Hepeekedintothebackroom,butnoonewasthere.
‘That’sodd.Noone’shere,’hegrumbled.HesatdownonthecounterseatfurthestawayfromKohtake.
Shecoughedonpurposetogethisattention.Helookedather,fedup.
‘Whatisit?’
‘Whyareyousittingthere?’
‘Whynot?What’sstoppingme?’
‘Whynotcomeandsithere?’
Sherappedonthetabletobeckonhimtositintheemptyseatfacingher.Buthewincedattheidea.
‘No.I’mfine,’hereplied.
‘Oh,comeonnow…Whynot?’
‘Amaturemarriedcouple,sittingdowntogetherlikethat…nah,’Fusagisaid,alittlecrossly.Thecrevicebetweenhisbrowsdeepened.Hewasdismissiveoftheidea,butwhenhisbrowfurrowedinthatway,itwasn’tthathewasdispleased.Onthecontrary,itwasasignthathewasinagoodmood.
Sheknewalltoowellitwasmeanttoconcealhisembarrassment.
‘True.We’reamarriedcouple,’sheagreed,smiling.Shewassohappytohearthewordcouplefromhislips.
‘Ugh…Don’tbesosentimental…’
Nowanythinghesaidbroughtbackwavesofnostalgia…andhappiness.Sheabsent-mindedlysippedthecoffee.
‘Uh-oh,’shesaidoutloud,assherealizedhowmuchthecoffeehadcooled.Itsuddenlydawnedonherhowlimitedhertimetherewas.Shehadtodowhatshehadtodobeforeitwentcompletelycold.
‘Look,there’ssomethingIneedtoaskyou.’
‘What?Whatisit?’
‘Isthereanything…anythingyouwanttohandme?’
Kohtake’sheartstartedracing.Fusagihadwrittenitbeforetheonsetofhisillness,itmayhavebeenaloveletter.Totallyimpossible…shewastellingherself.Butifitwere…Herwishtoreaditwasnowrunningwild,reassuredbythefactthatnomatterwhatshedid,thepresentwouldnotchange.
‘What?’
‘Aboutthisbythis…’
Shedrewthesizeoftheenvelopeintheairusingherfingers,justasKazuhadshownher.Herdirectapproachprovokedalarminhisface,asheglaredather,completelymotionless.I’veblownit,shethoughtonseeinghisexpression.Sherememberedthatsomethingsimilarhadhappenedsoonaftertheyweremarried.
Fusagihadapresentreadytogiveherforherbirthday.Onthedaybefore,byaccident,shesawitamonghisbelongings.Neverbeforehavingreceivedapresentfromhim,shewasoverjoyedattheprospectofreceivingthisfirstgift.Onthedayofherbirthday,whenhehadreturnedhomefromwork,shewassoexcitedthatsheaskedhim,‘Don’tyou
Shefeltshehadrepeatedthesamemistake.Hehatedbeingtoldtodosomethingthathehadbeenmeaningtodohimself.Nowshefearedthatevenifhewascarryingtheletter,hewouldnevergiveittoher–especiallyifitwasaloveletter.Sheregrettedhercarelessnessevenmoresobecausetimewasoftheessence.Hestilllookedalarmed.Shesmiledathim.
‘I’msosorry.Ididn’tmeananything.Pleaseforgetit,’shesaidinalight-heartedway.Thentoemphasizethatitdidn’treallymattertohereitherway,shetriedtomakesmalltalk.‘Hey,Ijustthought:whydon’twedosukiyakitonight?’
Itwashisfavouritedish.Heseemedtobeinasulkymood,butthisusuallyliftedhisspirits.
Sheslowlyreachedforthecupandfeltthetemperatureofthecoffeewithherpalm.ItwasstillOK.Shestillhadtime.Shecouldcherishthesepreciousmomentswithhim.Shewantedtoforgettheletterforthetimebeing.Judgingbyhisreaction,hedefinitelyhadwrittenhersomething.Ifhehadn’t,hewouldhaverespondedinnouncertainterms,‘Whatonearthareyoutalkingabout?’Ifsheallowedthecurrentsituationtoplayout,hewouldendupthrowingtheletteraway.Shedecidedtochangestrategy.Shewouldtrytoalterhismoodtopreventarepeatofwhathappenedonherbirthday.
Shelookedathim.Hisfacewasstillserious.Butthenagain,itwasalwayslikethat.Heneverwantedhertothinkthatjustbyhearingsukiyakihismoodinstantlylifted.Hewasn’tthatstraightforward.ThiswasFusagibeforeAlzheimer’s.Evenhissulkyfacewasprecioustoher.Itwasblisstobewithhimagainnow.Butshehadreadthesituationwrongly.
‘Oh,Igetit.Iseewhat’shappening,’hesaid,withagloomylook.Hegotupfromthecounterandwalkedovertostandinfrontofher.
‘Whatdoyoumean?’sheasked,lookingupathim.Hewasstrikinganimposingstanceasheglaredbackather.‘What’swrong?’Shehadn’tseenhimlikethisbefore.
‘You’refromthefuture…aren’tyou?’
‘What?’
Whathehadjustsaidcouldbeconsideredcrazy.Buthewasright–shehadcomefromthefuture.
‘Er.Now,look…’Shewasrackingherbrainstryingtorememberwhethertherewasarulethatsaid,Whenyougobackintime,youcannotrevealthatyouarefromthefuture.Butnoneexisted.
‘Look,Icanexplain—’
‘Ithoughtitwasstrangethatyouweresittinginthatseat.’
‘Yes…well.’
‘Sothatmeansyouknowaboutmyillness.’
Shefeltherheartstartracingagain.Shethoughtshehadbeentransportedbacktoatimebeforehisdisease–butshewaswrong.TheFusagistandingbeforeherknewhewasill.
Justfromlookingathisclothes,shecouldtellitwassummertime.Shehadbeentransportedbacktothesummeroftwoyearsago–thetimewhenhebeganlosinghisway,whenshebegannoticingthetelltalesignsofhisillness.Ifshehadgonebackbyaslittleasayear,herconversationwithhimwouldhavebecomemuddledbynow.
Ratherthanthreeyearsago,shehadreturnedtothedaythatmetwiththecriteriashehadimagined:adaywhenFusagihadnotforgottenher…adaywhenhewasthinkingofpassinghertheletter…andadaywhenhebroughtitwithhimtothecafe.Tohavegonebackthreeyearswouldhavemeantthathehadnotyetwrittentheletter.
TheFusagistandingbeforeherknewhewasill,andsoitwaslikelythatthecontentoftheletterconcernedhisdisease.Also,thewayhereactedwithsuchdreadwhenshementionedtheletterseemedfurtherevidence.
‘Youknow,don’tyou?’hesaidforcefully,pressinghertogiveananswer.Shecouldn’tseehowshecouldlieatthisstage.Shenoddedsilently.
‘Isee,’hemuttered.
Sheregainedhercomposure.OK,whateverIdohere,it’snotgoingtochangethepresent.Butitmightupsethim…IneverwouldhavereturnedtothepastifIthoughtthatmighthappen.HowembarrassingthatIwasallcaughtupintheideaofitbeingaloveletter.
Shefeltdeep,deepregretforcomingback.Butnowwasnotthetimetobewallowing.Hehadgonesilent.
‘Mylove?’shecalledouttothedespondent-lookingFusagi.
Shehadneverseenhimlookingsodepressed.Itwasheart-wrenching.Hesuddenlyturnedhisbackonherandwalkedbacktowardsthecounterwherehehadbeensitting.Hepickeduptheblackportfolio.Fromit,hepulledabrownenvelopeandwalkedbacktoher.Hisfaceshowednosignsofwretchednessordesperation;helookedmoreembarrassedthananythingelse.
Hebegantomumbleinathroatyvoicethatwasdifficulttohear.
‘The“you”livinginthistimedoesn’tknowaboutmyillness…’
Hemightbeunderthatimpression.But‘I’alreadyknow,orwillverysoon.
‘Ijustdon’tknowhowtotellyou…’
Heheldupthebrownenvelopetoshowher.HewasplanningtotellherthathehadAlzheimer’sinthisletter.
ButIdon’tneedtoreadit…Ialreadyknow.Itwouldmakemoresensetogiveittomeinthepast.The‘me’thatFusagican’tbringhimselftogiveitto…Iguessifhecan’tpassittothatversionofme,it’sOKthatItakeit.That’sjustthewaythingsare.
Shedecidedtoleavewhilethingswereastheywereatthatmoment.Shedidn’twantthesubjectofhisillnesstobebroached.Theworst-casescenariowashimaskingabouthisconditioninthepresent.Ifheaskedhowhisconditionprogressed,whoknowshowhewouldtaketheawfulnews.Sheshouldreturnbeforeheasked.Nowwasthetimetoreturntothepresent…
Thecoffeewasnowatatemperaturethatshecoulddownitinonego.
‘Ican’tletthecoffeegocold,’shesaidandbroughtthecupclosetohermouth.
‘SoIforget?Iforgetyou?’hemumbled,lookingdown.
Hearingthis,shewasoverwhelmedbyconfusion.Shedidn’tevenknowwhytherewasacoffeecupinfrontofher.
Shelookedathimintrepidation.Staringathim,shenoticedhowforlornhisexpressionwasnow.Shehadneverimaginedthathecouldlookthatway.Lostforwords,shecouldn’tevenmaintaineyecontactandfoundherselfcastinghereyesdown.
Bygivingnoreply,shehadansweredhisquestionwithayes.
‘Isee.Ifearedasmuch,’hemurmuredsadly.Hebowedhisheadsodeeplyhisnecklookedlikeitmightbreak.
Hereyeswelledwithtears.AfterbeingdiagnosedwithAlzheimer’s,hehadstruggledeachdaywiththedreadandanxietyoflosinghismemory.Yetshe,hiswife,hadnotseenhowhehadbornethesethoughtsandfeelingsalone.Onlearningthatshehadcomefromthefuture,thefirstthinghehadwantedtoknowwaswhetherhehadforgottenher,hiswife.Thisrealizationfilledherwithbothjoyandsorrow.
Itgaveherthestrengthtolookhimintheface,withoutwipingawayhertears.Shesmiledbroadlyathimsohemightinterprethertearsasthoseofjoy.
‘Actually,yourillnessdoesgetbetter,youknow.’
(Asanurse,nowisthetimeIneedtobestrong.)
‘Infact,youinthefuturetoldme.’
(Icansayanythingwithoutchangingthepresent.)
‘Howyoudidhaveanxiousmoments…’
(WhatdoesithurtifIlie?IfIcanrelievehisanxiety,evenifit’sjustforamoment,it’sworthit…)
Shewantedsomuchforherlietobebelieved,shewoulddoanything.Shehadalumpinherthroat.Tearsstreameddownherface.Butmaintainingherbeamingsmile,shecontinued.
‘Itwillbeallright.’
(Itwillbeallright!)
‘Yourecover.’
(Yourecover!)
‘Don’tworry.’
(Yourecover…Really!)
Everywordshespoke,shedeliveredwithallherstrength.Inhermind,itwasn’talie.Evenifhehadforgottenwhoshewas…Evenifnothingshedidchangedthepresent.Helookedherstraightintheeyesandshelookedrightbackathim,herfacestreamingwithtears.
Helookedhappy.‘Ohreally?’hesaidinasoftwhisper.
‘Yes,’shesaid.
Helookedatherinthegentlestofways.Lookingdownatthebrownenvelopehewasholdinginhishands,heslowlyapproachedher.Thedistancebetweenthemwasnowsuchthatalettermightbehandedfromonetotheother.
‘Here,’hesaid.Likeashychild,heofferedherthebrownenvelopehewasholding.
Shetriedtopushtheletteraway.‘Butyougetbetter,’shesaid.
‘Thenyoucanthrowitout,’hesaid,handingherthelettermoreforcefully.Histonewasdifferentfromhisnormalgruffself.Hespokewithsuchgentlenessthatitgavehertheoddfeelingthatshemusthavemissedsomething.
Heonceagainpressedthebrownenvelopeonher.Hertremblinghandsreachedoutandnervouslytookit.Shewasn’treallysureofhisintentions.
‘Drinkup.Yourcoffeewillgocold,’hesaid,acknowledgingtherules.Thekindnessinhissmileseemedinfinite.
Shenodded.Itwasjustasmallnod.Withnowordsleft,shereachedforthecoffee.
Onceshehadherhandsfirmlyonthecup,heturnedhisback.
Itwasasiftheirtimeasacouplehadreacheditsend.Alargetearbegantoforminhereye.
‘Mylove,’shecriedoutwithoutthinking.Hedidnotturnround.Hisshouldersappearedtobetremblingeversoslightly.Whilewatchinghisback,shedrankthecoffeeinonego.Shedrankitinonegulp,notoutofasenseofurgencythatthecoffeewasabouttogocold,butratheroutofrespectforFusagi,whosegentlebackwasturnedtoensureshecouldquicklyandsafelyreturntothepresent.Suchwasthedepthofhiskindness.
‘Mydarling.’
Shefeltovercomebyashimmeringandripplingsensation.Shereturnedthecuptoitssaucer.Asherhanddrewback,itseemedtodissolveintosteam.Allthatwaslefttodowastoreturntothepresent.Thisfleetingmoment,whentheyhadoncemorebeentogetherashusbandandwife,hadended.
Suddenly,heturnedround–areaction,perhaps,tothesoundofhercuphittingthesaucer.Shedidn’tknowhowhecouldmakeherout,butheseemedtobeabletoseeherthere.Asherconsciousnessflickeredanddissipatedintothesteam,shesawhislipsmovealittle
Unlessshewasmistaken,heseemedtobesaying,‘Thankyou.’
Herconsciousnesshadmergedwiththesteam,andshehadbegunthetransitionfrompasttopresent.Thecafearoundherbegantofast-forward.Shecoulddonothingtostemtheflowofhertears.Inablink,sherealizedKazuandKeihadreappearedinherfieldofvision.Shehadreturnedtothepresent–thedaythathehadcompletelyforgottenher.OnelookatherexpressionwasenoughtofillKei’sfacewithworry.
‘Theletter?’sheasked.Letter,notloveletter.
Shedroppedhergazetothebrownenvelopeshe’dbeengivenbyFusagiinthepast.Sheslowlyremovedtheletterfromtheenvelope.
Itwaswritteninbasicscript,allsquigglylikecrawlingworms.ItwasdefinitelyFusagi’shandwriting.AsKohtakereadtheletter,sheheldherrighthandtohermouthtostopthesobbingashertearsfell.
SosuddenwasheroutburstoftearsthatKazuwasworried.‘Kohtake…areyouOK?’sheasked.
Kohtake’sshouldersbegantoshudder,andgraduallyshebeganwailing,louderandlouder.KazuandKeistoodtherelookingather,unsureofwhattodo.Afterawhile,shehandedKazutheletter
Kazutooktheletter,and,asiflookingforpermission,shelookedatKeibehindthecounter.Keinoddedslightlywithagraveexpression.
KazulookedbackatthetearfulKohtakeandthenbegantoreadoutloud.
You’reanurse,soIcanonlyassumeyouhavealreadynoticed.IhaveanillnesswhereIforgetthings.
IimaginethatasIkeeponlosingmymemory,youwillbeabletoputasideyourownfeelingsandcareformewiththedetachmentofanurse,andthatyoucandothatnomatterwhatstrangethingsIsayordo–evenifIforgetwhoyouare.
SoIaskyounevertoforgetonething.Youaremywife,andiflifebecomestoohardforyouasmywife,Iwantyoutoleaveme.
Youdon’thavetostaybymeasanurse.IfIamnogoodasahusband,thenIwantyoutoleaveme.AllIaskisthatyoucandowhatyoucanasmywife.Wearehusbandandwifeafterall.EvenifIlosemymemory,Iwanttobetogetherashusbandandwife.Icannotstandtheideaofusstayingtogetheronlyoutofsympathy.
ThisissomethingIcannotsaytoyourface,soIwroteitinaletter.
WhenKazufinishedreading,KohtakeandKeilookedupattheceilingandbegantocryloudly.KohtakeunderstoodwhyFusagihadhandedthislettertoher,hiswifefromthefuture.Fromtheletter,itwasclearthathehadguessedwhatshewoulddoaftershefoundoutabouthisillness.Andthen,whenhecamefromthefuture,itbecamecleartohimthat,justashepredicted,inthefutureshewascaringforhimlikeanurse
Amidtheanxietyandfearoflosinghismemory,hewashopingthatshewouldcontinuetobehiswife.Shewasalwaysinhisheart.
Therewasmoreproofofthistobefound.Evenafterlosinghismemory,hecouldcontenthimselfbylookingattravelmagazines,openinghisnotebook,andjottingsomethingdown.Shehadoncelookedatwhathewrote.Hehadbeenlistingthedestinationsthathehadtravelledtoinordertovisitgardens.Shehadsimplyassumedhisactionswereahangoverfromhisloveofhisworkasalandscapegardener.Butshewaswrong.Thedestinationshemadeanoteofwerealltheplacesthathehadvisitedwithher.Shedidn’tnoticeatthetime.Shecouldn’tsee.Thesenoteswerethelasthand-holdforFusagi,whowasgraduallyforgettingwhoshewas.
Ofcourse,thatshehadlookedafterhimasanursedidn’tfeellikeamistaketoher.Shehadbelievedthatitwasforthebest.Andhedidn’twritethelettertoblameherinanywayeither.Itseemedtoherthatheknewthathertalkabouthimgettinghealedwasalie,butitwasaliehewantedtobelieve.Otherwise,shethought,hewouldn’thavesaid‘thankyou’.
Afterhercryinghadstopped,thewomaninthedressreturnedfromthetoilet,stoodinfrontofherandspokejustoneword.
‘Move!’shesaidinalowvoice.
‘Sure,’shesaid,leapingupandrelinquishingtheseat.
Thewomaninthedress’sreappearancewasimpeccablytimed,coincidingwithaswitchinKohtake’smood.Eyesswollenfromcrying,shelookedatKazuandKei.ShehelduptheletterthatKazuhadjustread,andwavedit.
‘Sothereyouhaveit,’shesaidwithagrin.
Keirespondedbynodding,herroundbrighteyesstillstreamingtearslikeawaterfall.
‘WhathaveIbeendoing?’Kohtakemumbled,lookingattheletter.
‘Kohtake,’Keisniffled,lookingworried.
Kohtakeneatlyfoldedtheletterandreturnedittotheenvelope.‘I’mgoinghome,’shesaid,inabold,confidentvoice.
Kazugaveasmallnod.Keiwasstillsniffing.Kohtakelookedatthestill-tearyKei,whohadcriedlongerthanshehad.ShesmiledasshethoughtthatKeimustbegettingprettydehydrated,andletoutadeepbreath.Nolongerlookinglost,sheseemedempowered.ShepulledoutherpursefromhershoulderbagonthecounterandhandedKazu380yenincoins.
‘Thanks,’shesaid.
Withacalmexpression,Kazureturnedhersmile.
Kohtakegaveaquicknodandwalkedtowardstheentrance.Shesteppedlightly.ShewasinahurrytoseeFusagi’sface.
Shepassedthroughthedoorwayandoutofsight.
‘Ah!’shesaidanddoubledbackintothecafe.KazuandKeilookedatherenquiringly.
‘Onemorething,’shesaid.‘Startingtomorrow,nomorecallingmebymymaidenname,OK?’
Shegrinnedbroadly.
ItwasKohtakewhooriginallyrequestedthatshebecalledbyhermaidenname.WhenFusagihadstartedcallingherKohtake,shewantedtoavoidconfusion.Butsuchconsiderationwasnotnecessarynow.AsmilereturnedtoKei’sfaceandherbrighteyesopenedwidely.
‘OK,gotyou,’shesaidhappily.
‘Telleveryoneelsetoo,’saidKohtake,andwithoutwaitingforareply,shewavedandleft.
CLANG-DONG
‘OK,’saidKazu,asifspeakingtoherself,andputthemoneyfromKohtakeinthetill.
KeicleanedawaythecupthatKohtakehaddrunkfromandwentintothekitchentogetarefillforthewomaninthedress.Theclank,clanksoundofthekeysofthecashregisterreverberatedthroughthecoolroom.Theceilingfancontinuedtorotatesilently.Keireturnedandpouredanewcoffeeforthewomaninthedress.‘Weappreciateyourpresenceagainthissummer,’shewhispered.
Thewomaninthedresscontinuedtoreadhernovelanddidnotreply.Keiplacedherhandonherownstomachandsmiled.
Summerwasjustgettingstarted.
III
TheSisters
Agirlwassittingquietlyinthatseat.
Shelookedoldenoughtobeinhighschool.Shehadlarge,sweeteyes.Shewaswearingabeigeturtleneckwithatartan-checkminiskirt,blacktights,andmoss-brownboots.Aduffelcoathungonthebackofherchair.Herclothescouldhavebeenwornbyanadultbuttherewassomethingchildlikeaboutherexpression.Herhairwascutinabobtoherjawline.Sheworenomake-upbuthernaturallylongeyelashesaccentuatedherprettyfeatures.Althoughshecamefromthefuture,therewasnothingthatwouldhavepreventedherfrompassinginpublicassomeonefromthepresent–ifithadn’tbeenforthatrulethatsaidthatanyonevisitingfromthefuturemuststayinthatseat.AsitwasearlyAugust,herclotheswould,however,havelookedterriblyoutofseason.
Itwasstillamysteryastowhoshehadcometomeet.Rightnow,theonlypersoninthecafewasNagareTokita.Thelarge-framedmanwithnarroweyeswaswearingacook’suniformandstandingbehindthecounter.
Butthecafeproprietordidn’tseemtobewhothegirlhadcometomeet.AlthoughhereyeswerelookingatNagare,theyshowednosignofemotiontowardshim.Sheseemedtobetotallyindifferenttohisexistence.Butatthesametime,nooneelsewasinthecafe.Nagarestoodtherelookingatherwithhisarmscrossed.
Nagarewasalargeman.Anyordinarygirl,orwomanforthatmatter,mighthavefeltalittlethreatenedsittinginthatsmallcafealonewithhim.Buttheuntroubledexpressiononthisgirl’sfacesuggestedthatshecouldn’tcareless.
ThegirlandNagarehadexchangednowords.Thegirlhadbeendoingnothingexceptoccasionallyglancingatoneoftheclocksonthewall,asifshewasworriedaboutthetime.
SuddenlyNagare’snosetwitchedandhisrighteyeopenedwider.Achingfromthetoasterinthekitchenrangout.Foodwasready.Hewentintothekitchenandbeganbusilypreparingsomething.Thegirldidn’tpayanyattentiontothenoiseandtookasipofhercoffee.Shenoddedasiftosayyes.Thecoffeemusthavestillbeenwarmasherexpressionsuggestedthatshehadplentyoftime.Nagarecameoutfromthekitchen.Hewascarryingarectangulartraywithtoastandbutter,salad,andfruityogurtonit.Thebutterwashome-made–hisspeciality.Hisbutterwassogoodthatthewomanincurlers,YaekoHirai,wouldcomeinforsome,armedwithaplasticcontainer.
Nagaregotalotofjoyfromwatchingthecustomers’delightastheyatehisdeliciousbutter.Theproblemwasthatalthoughheusedthemostexpensiveingredients,thebutterwasfreeforcustomers.Hedidn’tchargeforcondiments;hewasveryparticularaboutthat.Thesehighstandardsofhiswerequiteaproblem.
Stillholdingthetray,hestoodinfrontofthegirl.Hislargeframemusthaveseemedlikeagiantwalltothepetitegirlseatedthere.
Helookeddownather.‘Whodidyoucometomeet?’heasked,gettingstraighttothepoint.
Thegirllookedupatthegiantwallstandingthere.Shecasuallystaredathim.Hewasusedtohishugesizecausingsurpriseandapprehensioninthosewhodidn’tknowhim;itfeltstrangenowthathedidn’thavethiseffect.
‘What?’heasked.
Butthegirldidn’toffermuchofaresponse.
‘Nooneinparticular,’shejustsaidandtookanothersipofcoffee.Shewouldn’tengagewithhimatall.
Tiltinghisheadtooneside,hegracefullyplacedthetrayonthetableforthegirlandthenreturnedtohisplacebehindthecounter.Thegirllookeduncomfortable.
‘Uh,excuseme,’shecalledtoNagare
‘What?’
‘Ididn’torderthis,’thegirlsaidawkwardly,pointingtothetoastinfrontofher.
‘Onthehouse,’hesaidwithpride.
Thegirllookedatallthefreefoodwithdisbelief.Heuncrossedhisarmsandleanedforwardwithbothhandsonthecounter.
‘Youmadealltheefforttocomefromthefuture.Ican’thaveagirllikeyougoingbackwithoutservingyouanything,’hesaid,perhapsexpectingatleastathankyou.Butthegirljustkeptstaringathimanddidn’tevensmile.Hefeltobligedtorespond.
‘Isthereaproblem?’hesaid,abitrattled.
‘No.Thankyou,I’lleatit.’
‘Attagirl.’
‘Well,whywouldn’tI?’
Thegirlexpertlyspreadthebutteronthetoastandtookahungrymouthful.Shekeptonmunching.Shehadawonderfulwayofeating.
Hewaswaitingforthegirl’sreaction.Naturally,hethought,shewouldshowherdelightuponeatinghisboast-worthybutter.Butshedidnotreactashehadanticipated–shecarriedoneatingwithoutchangingherexpression.Whenshefinishedthetoast,shestartedcrunchingonthesaladandgobblingdownthefruityogurt.
Onfinishing,thegirljustfoldedherhandsinthanksforthefoodwithouthavingmadeasinglecomment.Nagarewascrestfallen.
CLANG-DONG
ItwasKazu.ShehandedthekeyringwithitswadofkeystoNagarebehindthecounter.
‘I’mba—’shesaid,stoppingmid-wordwhenshenoticedthegirlinthatseat.
‘Hey,’repliedNagare,pocketingthekeyring.Hedidn’tsay,‘Hey,welcomeback,’likehenormallywould.
Kazugrabbedhiswrist,andwhispered:‘Who’sshe?’
‘I’vebeentryingtofindout,’hereplied.
NormallyKazuwouldn’tparticularlypaymuchattentiontowhowassittingthere.Whensomeoneappeared,shecouldeasilytellthatthepersonhadcomefromthefuturetomeetsomeone.Itwasnotsomethingsheinterferedin.
Butneverhadsuchayoung,prettygirlsatinthatchairbefore.Shecouldn’thelpbutopenlystareather.
Herstaringdidnotgounnoticed.
‘Hello!’saidthegirl,offeringapleasantsmile.
Nagare’slefteyebrowtwitchedinannoyancethatshehadn’tofferedsuchasmiletohim.
‘Didyoucometomeetsomeone?’saidKazu.
‘Yeah.Iguess,’thegirlconceded.
Hearingthisconversation,Nagaretightenedhislips.Hehadaskedthesamequestionjustmomentsearlierandthegirlhadsaidno.Hewasn’tamused.
‘Butthey’renothere,arethey?’hesaidcrossly,turningaway.
Sowhowassheplanningtomeet?Kazuwonderedasshetappedherindexfingeragainstherchin.
‘Huh?Surelyitwasn’thim?’Shepointedthechin-tappingfingertowardsNagare.
Nagarepointedathimself.‘Me?’Hefoldedhisarmsandmuttered,‘Um,er…’asifhewastryingtorememberthecircumstancessurroundingthegirl’sappearance.
Thegirlhadappearedonthatseatabouttenminutesago.KeihadneededtogotothegynaecologyclinicsoKazuhaddrivenherthere.NormallyNagarewouldtakeKeitoherregularcheck-ups,buttodaywasdifferent.
Heconsideredthegynaecologyclinictobeasanctuaryforwomenonly,wherenomanshouldventure.Thatwaswhyhewasmanningthecafealone.
(DidshechooseatimewhenonlyIwasworking?)
Hisheartliftedatthethought.
(Soperhapsthewayshe’sbeenuntilnowisdowntoherbeingembarrassed…)
Strokinghischin,henoddedasifitallmadesense.Hesprangfromthecounterandsatdowninthechairfacingthegirl.
Thegirlstaredbackathimblankly.
Henolongerlookedlikethepersonhehadbeenuntilamomentago.
Ifhercoldnesstowardsmeisjustoutofshyness,I’lltrytobemoreapproachable,hethoughtandgrinnedbroadly.
Heleanedforwardonhiselbowsinaneasy-goingway.‘So,wasitmethatyoucametovisit?’heaskedthegirl.
‘Noway.’
‘Me?Youcametomeetme?’
‘No.’
‘Me?’
‘No!’
‘…’
Thegirlwasadamant.Kazuheardtheexchangeandcametoasimpleconclusion.
‘Wellyou’recompletelyruledout.’
Again,Nagarewasdeflated.‘OK…soit’snotme,’hesaidsulkilyashetrudgedbacktothecounter.
Thegirlseemedtofindthisamusingandletoutacheekygiggle.
CLANG-DONG
Whenthebellrang,thegirllookedattheclockinthemiddleofthewall.Thisclockinthemiddlewastheonlyonethatwasaccurate.Theothertwowereeithersloworfast.Shemusthaveknownthat.Thegirl’seyeswerefixedontheentrance.
Amomentlater,Keiwalkedintothecafe.
‘Thanks,Kazu,dear,’shesaidassheentered.Shewaswearinganaqua-coloureddressandstrappysandals,andwasfanningherselfwithastrawhat.ShehadgoneoutwithKazu,but,judgingfromtheplasticshoppingbagshewasholding,shemusthavepoppedintotheconveniencestorenearbybeforecomingintothecafe.Keiwas,bynature,acarefreeperson.Alwayscharmingandnevershy,shewascomfortablewiththemostintimidatingofcustomers;shewouldbefriendlyandoutgoing,evenwhencommunicatingwithaforeignerwhospokenoJapanese.
WhenKeinoticedthegirlsittinginthatseat,shesaid,‘Hello,welcome,’whilewearingabigsmile.Hersmilewasbeamingevenmorethannormal,andthetoneofhervoicewasalittlehighertoo.
Thegirlstraightenedinherchairandbowedherheadalittle,keepinghergazeonKei.
Keirespondedwithasmileandtrottedtowardsthebackroom.
‘Sohowwasit?’NagareaskedKei.
GivenwheresheandKazuhadjustreturnedfrom,therecouldbeonlyonethingthathewantedtoknow.Keipattedherstillflatstomach,gavehimthepeacesign,andsmiled.
‘Ah.Rightthen,’hesaid.
Henarrowedhiseyesfurtherandgavetwosmallnods.Whenhefeltjoy,hefoundhimselfunabletoexpresshishappinessopenly.Knowingthisalltoowell,Keilookedonathisreactionwithcontentment.
Withkeenlyobservingeyes,thegirlinthatseatwatchedthisexchangewarmly.Keididn’tseemtonoticehowthegirlwaswatchingherandbeganwalkingtothebackroom.
Asifthiswassomekindofcue,thegirlcalledoutinanunexpectedlyloudvoice.‘Excuseme?’
Keistoppedinhertracksandansweredunthinkingly.‘Yes?’Sheturnedandlookedatthegirlwithherround,brighteyes.
Thegirlself-consciouslyavertedhereyesandbeganfidgeting.
‘Whatisit?’Keiasked.
Thegirllookedupasifsheindeedwantedsomething;hersmilewashonestandsweet.ThecooldistancesheexpressedtowardsNagarehadvanishedentirely.
‘Um.It’sjust…’
‘Yes?Whatisit?’
‘I’dliketotakemyphotowithyou.’
Keiblinked,startledbythegirl’swords.‘Withme?’sheasked.
‘Yes.’
Nagareimmediatelyresponded.‘Withher?’heasked,pointingtoKei.
‘Yes,’saidthegirlcheerily.
‘Areyousayingthatyoucametoseeher?’askedKazu.
‘Yes.’
Kei’seyesbeamedbrightlyatthisunknowngirl’ssuddenconfession.Keiwasneversuspiciousofstrangers.Soratherthanaskingthegirlwhoshewasorwhyshewantedthephoto,sheimmediatelysaid,‘Oh!Really?CanIfixmymake-upfirst?’
Shepulledoutacasefromhershoulderbagandbeganfixinghermake-up.
‘Um,there’snotime,’thegirlsaidurgently.
‘Oh…No,ofcourse.’
Naturally,Keiknewtheruleswell.Hercheeksflushedasshesnappedthecaseshut.
ThegirlwaspreventedfrompositioningherselfalongsideKei,asyouwouldnormallydowhenaskingforaphoto,bytheruleprohibitinghertomovefromthatseat.Keipassedherconvenience-storeplasticbagandstrawhattoKazuandstoodnexttothegirl.
‘Where’syourcamera?’askedKazu.
Thegirlpushedsomethingtowardsheracrossthetable.
‘Huh?Isthatacamera?’askedKeiinsurprise,asKazulookedatthecamerahandedtoher.Ithadthedimensionsofabusinesscard.Wafer-thinandsemi-transparent,itjustlookedlikeaplasticcard.
Keiwasfascinatedbyit.Shetookacloselookatitfromallangles.‘It’ssothin!’
‘Um,wehavetohurry.Timeisalmostup,’thegirlsaidcalmlytoKei.
‘Yes,I’msorry,’saidKei,shrugginghershouldersandstandingalongsidethegirlagain.
‘OK,I’mtakingit.’Kazupointedthecameraatthetwo.Itdidn’tseemdifficulttouse,shejustpressedthebuttonthatappearedinthescreen.
Click
‘What?Waitabit,whenareyougoingtotakeit?’saidKei.
KazuhadtakenthepicturewhileKeiwasadjustingherhairandarrangingherfringe.Shehandedthecamerabacktothegirl.
‘Youalreadytookit?Whendidyoudothat?’ThegirlandKazuwerebothverybusinesslike.Keialonewasfullofquestionsandconfused.
‘Thankyouverymuch,’saidthegirlandimmediatelydranktheremainderofhercoffee.
‘What…?Justaminute,’Keisaid.Butthegirlvaporizedintosteam.Asthesteamrosetowardstheceiling,thewomaninthedressappearedfromunderneathit.Itlookedlikeatransformationtrickworthyofaninja.
Asallthreewereusedtosuchthingshappening,noonewasparticularlysurprised.Ifanothercustomerhadseenittheywouldhavebeenshocked.Ifacustomereverdidseesuchathingtheywouldbetolditwasaparlourtrick–thoughifthecafestaffwereaskedhowtheyperformedthistrick,theywouldbeunabletoprovideananswer.
Thewomaninthedresswasreadinghernovelcasuallyasifnothinghadhappened.However,whenshenoticedthetray,shepusheditawaywithherrighthand,whichclearlymeant:Takethataway!
WhenKeiwenttocleanupthetray,Nagaretookitfromher,tiltedhisheadtooneside,anddisappearedintothekitchen.
‘Iwonderwhothatwas,’Keimuttered.Sheretrievedtheplasticconvenience-storebagandstrawhatfromKazuandretreatedtothebackroom.
Kazukeptstaringatthatchairwherethewomaninthedresswassitting.Itwasclearbythelookonherfacethatsomethingwasbotheringher
ThiswasthefirsttimeacustomerhadcomefromthefuturetomeetNagare,Kei,orKazu.Therehadneverseemedtobeagoodreasonwhyanyonewouldwanttogobackintimetoseeoneofthecafestaffmemberswhowerealwaysinthecafe.
YetagirlhadjustcomefromthefuturetomeetKei.
Kazudidn’tinterrogateorpressanyoneonwhytheyhadvisitedfromthefuture.Evenif,say,amurderertravelledbackintime,shewouldhaveagoodreasontoleaveitalone:therulewasthatthepresentdoesn’tchangenomatterhowmuchonetriestorearrangethingsinthepast.Thisrulecouldneverbebroken.Aseriesofrandomeventswould
Thatwastherule.
Kazuorwhoeverwastherewouldcalltheambulanceandthepolice.Theambulancewouldleaveforthecafe.Thisambulancewouldnotgetcaughtintraffic.Theambulancewouldtravelfromtheemergencycentretothecafeandcarrythepatientfromthecafetothehospitalusingtheshortestdistanceandinthefastesttime.Onlookingatthepatient,thehospitalstaffmightsay,‘Weprobablycan’tsavehim.’Evenifthathappened,thenaworld-leadingsurgeonwouldhappentobevisitingthehospitalandwouldoperateonthepatient.Evenifthevictim’sbloodwasararetypethatonlyoneinseveraltenthousandpossessed,therewouldbeastockofsuchbloodatthehospital.Thesurgerystaffwouldbeexcellentandtheoperationwouldbesuccessful
Becauseofthis,Kazudidn’tmindwhocamefromthefuture,forwhateverreason.Everythingavisitorfromthefuturemighttrywouldbefutile.
‘Couldyoudothisforme,please,’Nagarecalledfromthekitchen.
KazuturnedandlookedtoseeNagarestandingatthekitchendoorholdingthetraycontainingthecoffeebrewedforthewomaninthedress.Shetookthetrayandstartedcarryingittothetablewherethewomanwassitting.
Forawhileshestaredatthewoman,whilethoughtswentaroundinherhead.Whatdidthatgirlcomebackfor,Iwonder?IfitwastotakeapictureofKei,whydidshegototheeffortofreturningtothepast?
CLANG-DONG
‘Hello,welcome,’Nagareshouted.Kazucollectedherthoughtsandservedthecoffee.
(IfeellikethereissomethingimportantthatI’mmissing.)
Todispelthefeeling,shegaveherheadalittleshake.
‘Hello.’Kohtakehadenteredthecafe.Shewasonherwayhomefromwork.
Shewaswearingalime-greenpoloshirtandawhiteskirtwithblackpumpsonherfeet.Shehadacanvasbaghangingfromhershoulder.
‘Hello,Kohtake,’Nagaresaid.
Onhearinghernamecalled,shespunroundonherheelasiftowalkoutagain
‘Ah,sorry.MrsFusagi,’hecorrectedhimself.Kohtakesmiledwithapprovalandsatatthecounter.
ItwasnowthreedayssinceKohtakehadreturnedtothepastandreceivedtheletterthatFusagihadwrittenbutnevergiventoher.Shenowinsistedupon‘MrsFusagi’.
Shehungherbagonthebackofherchair.‘Coffee,please,’sheordered.
‘Certainly,’Nagaresaid,bowinghisheadandturningtothekitchentobrewthecoffee.
Shelookedaroundtheemptycafe,flexedhershoulders,andtookadeepbreath.ShehadplannedtoaccompanyFusagionhiswalkhomeifhehadbeenatthecafe,soshewasalittledisappointed.Kazu,whohadbeenwatchingtheexchangebetweenNagareandKohtakewithasmile,hadfinishedservingthewomaninthedress.
‘I’mjusttakingmybreak,’shesaidanddisappearedintothebackroom.Kohtakesaid,‘OK,’andgaveheralittlewave.
ItwasearlyAugustandsummerwasreallypeaking.Kohtake,though,likedhercoffeehot,eveninsummer.Shelikedthearomaofitwhenitwasfreshlybrewed.Shecouldn’tenjoyicedcoffeeinthesameway.Coffeewasfarmorepleasurablewhenitwashot.
WhenNagaremadecoffee,heusuallybreweditusingthesiphonmethod,bypouringboilingwaterintoaflask,thenheatingittoallowtheevaporatedsteamtorisethroughafunnelandextractthecoffeefromthegroundbeansheldinsidethefunnel.However,whenhemadecoffeeforKohtakeandsomeotherregularcustomers,hebrewedthecoffeehand-dripstyle.Whenmakinghand-dripcoffee,heputapaperfilterinadripper,addedthegroundbeans,andpouredboilingwateroverthem.Hethoughtthehand-dripstyleofmakingcoffeeallowedforgreaterflexibilityasyoucouldchangethebitternessandsournessofthecoffeebychangingthetemperatureofthewater,andthewayyoupouredit.Asthecafedidnotplaybackgroundmusic,itwaspossibletohearthesoftsoundofthecoffeedripping,dropbydrop,intotheserver.WhenKohtakeheardthisdrippingsound,shewouldsmileinsatisfaction.
Keitendedtouseanautomaticcoffeemaker.Thismachinewasequippedwithasinglebuttonthatalloweddifferenttastestobeaccommodated.AsKeiwasnotamasterintheartofmakingcoffee,shepreferredtorelyonamachine.SomeoftheregularcustomerswhocametoenjoyacupofcoffeedidnotthereforeorderwhenNagarewasnotaround.Afterall,thecoffeewasalwaysthesameprice,whetheritwasbrewedbyNagareorKei.Kazunormallymadecoffeeusingthesiphonmethod.Thereasonforthischoicewasnotbecauseoftaste.Shesimplyenjoyedwatchingthehotwaterriseupthroughthefunnel.Besides,Kazufoundthehand-dripcoffeetootedioustomake.
KohtakewasservedwithacoffeespeciallybrewedbyNagare.Withthecoffeeinfrontofher,sheclosedhereyes,andinhaleddeeply.Itwashermomentofhappiness.Asperhisinsistence,thecoffeehadbeenmadefrommochabeanswiththeirdistinctaroma,whichcoffeedrinkerseitherloveorhate.Thosewhoenjoythearoma,likeKohtake,can’tgetenoughofit.Infact,youcouldsaythatthecoffeepickedthecustomers.Justaswithhisbutter,Nagareenjoyedwatchingcustomerstakepleasureinthearoma.Ashewatched,hiseyesnarrowedevenfurther.
‘Bytheway,’saidKohtakewhileenjoyinghercoffee,asifshe’dsuddenlyremembered,‘InoticedthatHirai’sbarhasbeenclosedbothyesterdayandtoday.Doyouknowanythingaboutthat?’
Thesnackbar,asortofmini-hostessbar,thatHirairanwasjustmetresfromthecafe.
Itwasjustasmallbarcomprisingacounterwithsixseats,butitwasalwaysbusy.Itopenedatdifferenttimeseachevening,dependingonHirai’smood,butitwasopensevennightsaweek,allyearround.Sincesheopeneditsdoors,thebarhadopenedeverynightwithoutfail.Patronsoftenwaitedoutsideforittoopen.Somenights,asmanyastencustomerssqueezedintotheplace.Onlythefirstsixcustomerssatonchairs;therestwoulddrinkstandingup.
Thepatronsweren’tonlymen,either.Hiraiwaspopularamongwomentoo.Herbluntwayofspeakingsometimesdentedtheprideofpatrons,buttheyknewtherewasnomaliceintended,andtherewereneverhardfeelings.Patronsalwaysfeltcomfortablearoundher;shehadanaturalgiftforbeingabletosayanythingandgetawaywithit.Shedressedinaflashywayandcouldn’tcarelesswhatanyonethoughtaboutit.Butshebelievedingoodmannersandetiquette.Shewouldlistentoanythinganyonehadtosay.Thoughifshethoughtapatronwaswrong,eveniftheywereofhighsocialstatus,shewouldhavenoqualmsaboutsettingthemstraight.Somepatronsweregenerouswiththeirmoney,butsheneveracceptedanymoneyexceptinpaymentfordrinks.Somepatronswouldtrytoearnherfavourbyofferingherexpensivegifts,butsheneveracceptedthem,notonce.Therewereevenmenwhowouldofferherahouseoranapartment,aMercedesoraFerrari,ordiamondsorthelike,butshewouldjustsay,‘I’mnotinterested.’EvenKohtakesometimesvisitedherbar.Itwasaplacewhereyoucouldbeguaranteedtohaveafuntimedrinking.
Kohtakehadnoticedthatherbar,usuallysofullofcustomers,hadbeenclosedfortwonightsinarow,andnoneofthepatronsknewwhy.Shewasalittleconcerned.
AssoonasshebroachedthesubjectofHirai,Nagare’sfaceturnedserious.
‘Whathappened?’sheasked,alittlestartled.
‘Hersister.Therewasaroadaccident,’hesaidsoftly.
‘Ohno!’
‘Soshewenthome.’
‘Ohhowterrible!’Shesankhergazeintothepitch-blackcoffee.SheknewHirai’syoungersisterKumifromwhenshewouldvisitandtrytogetHirai–whohadbrokentieswiththefamily–tocomehome.Forthelastoneortwoyears,Hiraihadfoundherfrequentvisitssuchanuisancethatmoreoftenthannotsheavoidedmeetingher.Regardless,KumiwouldmakethevisittoTokyoalmosteverymonth.Threedaysago,KumihadvisitedthecafetomeetHirai.Theaccidentoccurredonherwayhome.
Thesmallcarthatshewasdrivingcollidedheadonwithanoncomingtruckwhosedrivermusthavedozedoff.Shewastakentohospitalinanambulancebutdidnotsurvivethejourney.
‘Whathorriblenews.’Kohtakelefthercoffeealone.
Thefaintsteamthathadbeenrisingfromithaddisappeared.Nagarestoodwitharmsfolded,silentlylookingathisfeet.
HehadreceivedanemailonhisphonefromHirai.SheprobablywouldhavecontactedKei,butKeididn’townaphone.Intheemail,Hiraigavesomedetailsabouttheaccidentandmentionedthatthebarwouldbeclosedforawhile.Theemailhadbeenwritteninamatter-of-facttone,asifithadhappenedtosomeoneelse.KeihadusedhisphonetoreplyandhadaskedhowHiraiwasdoing,butshegotnoresponse.TheinnontheoutskirtsofSendaiwascalledTakakura,meaning‘TheTreasury’.
Sendaiisapopulartouristdestination,particularlyfamousforitsgorgeousTanabataFestival.Thefestivalisbestknownforitssasakazari:atoweringpieceofbambooabouttenmetreslong,towhichfivegiantpaperballswithcolourfulpaperstreamersareattached.Otherdecorationsfromthefestival–colourfulpaperstrips,paperkimonos,andorigamipapercranes–aresoughtafterbytouristswhousethemforbusinessblessingsandluckycharms.Thefestivalalwaystakesplacefrom6to8August,whichmeantthatinafewdays,thedecorationpreparationinthedowntownareaaroundSendaiStationwasduetobegin.Giventhetwomilliontouristswhowereattractedtothethree-dayfestival,TanabatawasthebusiestperiodforTakakura,locatedasitwasabouttenminutesbytaxifromSendaiStation.
CLANG-DONG
‘Hello!Welcome,’Nagarecalledoutcheerfully,liftingthecafeoutofitssombremood.
Onhearingthebell,Kohtaketooktheopportunitytogetmorecomfortable.Shereachedforthecoffee.
‘Hello.Welcome,’saidKei,comingoutfromthebackroominanapronafterhearingthebell.Buttherewasstillnoone.
ItwastakinglongerthannormalforsomeonetoappearinthecafebutjustasNagaretiltedhisheadquestioninglytooneside,afamiliarvoicerangout.
‘Nagare!Kei!Someone!Ineedsalt!Bringmesalt!’
‘Hirai,isthatyou?’
Noonehadexpectedhertohavecomebacksoearly,evenifhersister’sfuneralhadnowtakenplace.KeilookedatNagare,hereyeswideinastonishment.Nagarestoodthereamomentinadaze.Giventhathe’djustdeliveredtheterriblenewsaboutKumitoKohtake,tohearHirai’susualbrisktonemusthavebeenalittledisorientating.
Hiraimayhavewantedthesaltforspiritualpurification,butitsoundedmorelikeyellingcomingfromakitchenwheresomeonewasfranticallymakingdinner.
‘Comeon!’Thistime,hershouthadalow,sultryedgetoit.
‘OK!Justasec.’
Nagarefinallygotmoving.Hegrabbedasmallbottleofcookingsaltfromthekitchenandshuffledhastilytotheentrance.KohtakepicturedHiraistandingbeyondthecafe’sentrance,dressedinhernormalflashyattire.Toher,Hirai’sbehaviourwasn’tquitewhatonemightexpect.Howcoulditbethathersisterhadjustdied?SheandKeiexchangedglances–Keiseemedtobethinkingthesamething.
‘I’msoexhausted,’Hiraisaid,comingindraggingherfeet.
Herwalkwasthesameasnormal,butshewasdressedratherdifferently.Ratherthanwearingherusualloudclothesinredandpink,shewasinmourningdress.Ratherthanaheadfullofcurlers,herhairwasdoneupinatightbun.Anyonewouldagreethatshelookedlikeadifferentperson.Dressedinhermourningblack,shedroppedherselfdownatthemiddletableseatandraisedherrightarm.
‘Sorrytobeabother,butcouldIhaveaglassofwater,please?’sheaskedKei.
‘Ofcourse,’Keisaid.
Withasomewhatexaggeratedsenseofurgency,shescuttledofftothekitchentofindsomewater.
‘Phew,’Hiraiexclaimed.
Shestretchedoutherarmsandlegslikeshewasdoingastarjump.Herblackhandbagswungfromherrightarm.Nagare,stillholdingthebottleofsalt,andKohtake,seatedatthecounter,staredatherlikeshewasbehavingoddly.Keicamebackwithaglassofwater.
‘Thankyou.’Hiraiputherhandbagonthetable,tooktheglassinherhand,andtoKei’samazement,drankitdowninonegulp.Sheletoutanexhaustedsigh.
‘Anotherone,please,’shesaid,presentingKeiwiththeglass.Keitooktheglassanddisappearedintothekitchen.Wipingperspirationfromherbrow,Hirailetoutanothersigh.Nagarestoodtherewatchingher.
‘Hirai?’hesaid.
‘What?’
‘HowdoIputit?’
‘Putwhat?’
‘HowdoIsayit?That…’
‘What?’
‘I’msorryforyourloss…’
Hirai’sstrangebehaviour–sounlikesomeoneinmourning–hadmadeNagarestruggletorememberanappropriatethingtosay.Kohtakewasalsolostforwordsandbowedherhead.
‘YoumeanKumi?’
‘Yes.Ofcourse…’
‘Wellitwascertainlyunexpected.Unlucky,Iguessyou’dsay,’Hiraisaid,shrugginghershoulders.
Keireturnedwithanotherglassofwater.WorriedaboutHirai’sdemeanour,Keihandedhertheglassandalsobowedherhead,revealingherdiscomfort.
‘I’msorry.Thanks.’Hiraidownedthenewglassofwateraswell.‘Theysaidshegothitinthewrongplace…soshewasunlucky,’shesaid.
Itsoundedlikeshewastalkingaboutsomethingthathadhappenedtoastranger.ThecreasedeepenedbetweenKohtake’sbrowsassheleantforward.
‘Wasittoday?’
‘Whattoday?’
‘Thefuneral,ofcourse,’Kohtakereplied,betrayingheruneasinesswithHirai’sattitude.
‘Yeah.Look,’Hiraisaidasshestoodupandspunroundtoshowherfuneralattire.‘Itkindofsuitsme,don’tyouthink?Doyouthinkitmakesmelookabitsubdued?’Hiraimadesomemodel-likeposes,adoptingaproudface.
Hersisterwasdead.Unlessthepeopleinthecafeweremistakenaboutthat,herirreverenceseemedoverthetop.
AsshebecameincreasinglyirritatedatHirai’sblaséattitude,Kohtakestrengthenedherwords.‘Whyonearthdidyoucomehomesoearly…?’sheasked,herfaceshowingsignsofdisgustasifshewasbitinghertongue,tryingnottosay,Alittledisrespectfultoyourdeadsister,don’tyouthink?
Hiraidroppedherexaggeratedposeandsatdownagainlazily.
Sheheldupherhands.
‘Oh,it’snotlikethat.I’vegotthebartothinkabouttoo…’sheanswered,clearlyknowingwhatKohtakewantedtosay.
‘Butstill…’
‘Please.Letitgo.’
Shereachedovertoherblackhandbagandtookacigarettefrominside.
‘So,areyouOK?’Nagareasked,toyingwiththesaltbottleinhishands.
‘Withwhat?’Hiraiwasreluctanttoopenup.Withacigaretteinhermouth,shewaspeeringintoherblackhandbagagain.Shewasrummagingaroundforherlighter,whichsheseemedtobehavingajobfinding.
Nagarepulledalighterfromhispocketandpresentedittoher.‘Butyourparentsmustbeveryupsetoverthedeathofyoursister.Shouldn’tyouhavestayedtobewiththemforawhile?’
HiraitookthelighterfromNagareandlithercigarette.‘Well,sure…Normallythatwouldbethecase.’
Hercigaretteglowedandburnttoacolumnofash.Shetappedtheashintheashtray.Thecigarettesmokeroseanddisappeared.Hiraiwatchedthesmokerise
‘Buttherewasnowhereformetobe,’shesaid,expressionless.
Foramoment,whatshehadsaiddidnotsinkin.BothNagareandKohtakelookedatheruncomprehendingly.
Hiraisawhowthetwowerelookingather.‘Ididn’thaveaplacewhereIcouldbe,’sheadded,andtookanotherdragofhercigarette.
‘Whatdoyoumean?’Keiaskedwithalookofconcern.
InanswertoKei’squestion,Hirairepliedasiftalkingaboutanyordinarything.‘Theaccidenthappenedonherwayhomefromseeingme,right?Sonaturallymyparentsblamemeforherdeath.’
‘Howcouldtheythinkthat?’Keiaskedwithhermouthagape.
Hiraiblewaplumeofsmokeintotheair.‘Welltheydo…Andinawayit’strue,’shemuttereddismissively.‘ShekeptcomingdowntoTokyo,timeandtimeagain…Andeachtime,Iwouldturnheraway.’
Thelasttime,KeihadhelpedHiraiavoidKumibyhiding.Shenowlookeddownwithalookofregret.Hiraicontinuedtalking,takingnonoticeofKei.
‘Bothmyparentsrefusedtotalktome.’Hirai’ssmilefadedfromherface.‘Notoneword.’
HiraihadheardofKumi’sdeathfromtheheadwaitresswhohadworkedatherparents’innformanyyears.IthadbeenyearssinceHiraihadansweredacallcomingfromtheinn.Buttwodaysago,earlyinthemorning,theinn’snumberflasheduponherphone.Whenshesawwhoitwas,herheartskippedabeatandsheansweredit.Theonlythingshecouldsayinresponsetothetearyheadwaitresswhowascallingwas,‘Isee,’andshehungup.Thenshepickedupherhandbagandheadedtoherfamilyhomebytaxi.
Thetaxidriverclaimedtobeaformerentertainer.Ontheirjourney,hegaveheranunsolicitedsampleofhiscomedicact.Hisstorieswereunexpectedlyfunnyandsherolledaroundintheconfinesofthebackseatroaringwithlaughter.Shelaughedlongandhard,withtearsstreamingdownherface.Finallythetaxipulledupinfrontoftheinn,Takakura,Hirai’sfamilyhome.
Itwasfivehoursfromthecityandthetaxifarewasover150,000yen,butasshewaspayingincashthedriversaidaniceroundnumberwasfineanddroveoffinhighspirits.
Whenshegotoutofthetaxi,sherealizedshewasstillwearingslippers.Shealsohadcurlersinherhair.Wearingonlyhercamisole,shefeltthehotmorningsunhitherwithitsfullforce.Whenlargebeadsofsweatbegandrippingdownherbody,shewishedshehadahandkerchief.Shebegantowalkupthegravelpathtoherfamilyhomeattherearoftheinn.WhereherfamilylivedwasdesignedinJapanese-styleandhadnotbeenalteredinanywaysinceitwasbuiltatthesametimeastheinn.
Shepassedthelarge-roofedgateandcametothefrontentrance.Ithadbeenthirteenyearssinceshewaslastthere,butnothinghadchanged.Toher,itseemedaplacewheretimestoodstill.Shetriedopeningtheslidingdoor.Itwasunlocked.Thedoorrattledopenandshesteppedintotheconcreteinside.Itwascold.Thechilloftheairwasenoughtosendashiverdownherspine.Shewalkedfromtheentrancedownthehallwaytothelivingroom.Theroomwascompletelydarkwithnosignoflife.Thiswasquitenormal.RoomsinoldJapanesehousestendedtobedark,butshefoundthedarknessoppressive.Thehallwaywascompletelyquietexceptforthecreakingofherfootsteps.Thefamilyaltarwasinaroomattheendofthehallway.
Whenshelookedintothealtarroom,itwasopentotheveranda.There,shesawherfatherYasuo’ssmallroundedback.Hewassittingontheedge,lookingoutatthelushgreengarden.
Kumiwaslyingtheresilently.Shewasdressedinawhiterobe,andhadhangingoverherthepinkkimonowornbytheheadwomanoftheinn.Yasuomusthavejustmovedfromherside,ashishandwasstillgrippingthewhitecloththatwouldnormallycoverthefaceofthedead.HermotherMichikowasnotthere.
HiraisatdownandpeeredatKumi’sface.Sopeacefulwasitthatitlookedlikeshewasmerelysleeping.AsHiraigentlytouchedherface,shewhispered,ThankGod.Ifherfacehadbeenbadlycutintheaccident,herbodywouldhavebeenlaidinthecoffinandwrappeduplikeamummy.ThisiswhatwasrunningthroughhermindasshelookedatKumi’sprettyface.Thethoughthadbeentroublingher,havingheardthatKumicollidedheadonwithatruck.Herfather,Yasuo,keptgazingoutatthecourtyardgarden.
‘Father…’HiraicalledoutinastiltedvoicetoYasuo’sback.
Itwastobeherfirstconversationwithherfathersinceshelefthomethirteenyearsago.
ButYasuoremainedseatedwithhisbacktoher,hisonlyresponsebeingasniffle.HirailookedatKumi’sfaceawhilelonger,thenslowlyroseandquietlylefttheroom.
ShewentintoSendaitown,wherepreparationsfortheTanabataFestivalwereunderway.Withcurlersstillinherhair,shetrudgedarounduntildusk,stillinherslippersandcamisole.Sheboughtsomethingtoweartothefuneralandfoundahotel.
Atthefuneralthenextday,shesawhermotherMichikoputtingonabravefacealongsideherfather,whohadbrokendownintears.Ratherthansittingintherowofseatsforthefamily,shesatwiththerestofthemourners.Justonceshemadeeyecontactwithhermother,butnowordspassedbetweenthem.Thefuneralwentsmoothly.Hiraiofferedincense,butleftwithoutspeakingtoanyone.
ThecolumnofashlengthenedonHirai’scigaretteandfellsilently.Shewatcheditfall.‘Yes,andthat’sthat,’shesaid,stubbingoutthecigarette.
Nagare’sheadwasbowed.Kohtakesatmotionlesswithhercupinherhand.
KeilookeddirectlyatHiraiwithconcern.
Hirailookedatthesethreefacesandsighed.‘I’mnogoodwithallthisseriousstuff,’sheletoutinexasperation.
‘Hirai…’Keibegan,butHiraiwavedherhandtostopher.
‘Solosethesadfaces,andstopaskingifI’mallright,’shepleaded.
ShecouldseethattherewassomethingthatKeiwantedtosay.Soshekepttalking.
‘Imightnotlooklikeit,butIamreallyupset.But,comeon,guys,Ineedtoovercomethisbyputtingmybestfootforward,don’tI?’
Shespokeasifshewastryingtoreassureatearfulchild.Shewasthatkindofperson–inscrutabletotheend.IfKeiwasinhershoes,shewouldhavebeencryingfordays.IfitwereKohtake,shewouldhaveobservedthemourningperiod,lamentedthedeceased,andbehavedwithpropriety.ButHiraiwasneitherKeinorKohtake.
‘I’llmournhowImourn.Everyone’sdifferent,’Hiraisaid,andwiththatshestoodupandpickedupherhandbag.
‘Sothat’showthingsare,’shesaid,andbegantowalktothedoor.
‘So,whyvisitthecafenow?’Nagaremuttered,asiftohimself.
Hiraifrozelikeastop-motionframe.
‘Whycomehereratherthangoingdirectlybacktoyours?’heaskedbluntly,keepinghisbacktoher.Hiraistoodtheresilentlyforawhile.
‘Busted.’Shesighed.Sheturnedroundandwalkedbacktowhereshehadbeensitting.
Nagaredidn’tlookather.Hejustcarriedonstaringatthebottleofsaltinhishands.
Shereturnedtoherseatandsatdowninthechair.
‘Hirai,’Keisaidassheapproachedholdingaletter.‘Istillhaveit.’
‘Youdidn’tthrowitout?’Sherecognizeditinstantly.ShewasprettysureitwastheoneKumihadwrittenandleftatthecafethreedaysago.ShehadaskedKeitothrowitoutwithouthavingreadanyofit.
Herhandtrembledasshetookit:thelastletterthatKumihadeverwritten.
‘IneverimaginedIwouldhandittoyouundersuchcircumstances,’Keisaidwithherheadbowedapologetically.
‘Noofcoursenot…Thankyou,’Hiraireplied.
Shepulledoutaletterfoldedinhalffromtheunsealedenvelope.
Thecontentswerejustasshehadthought;itwasalwaysthesame.Butthoughtheletterwasfilledwiththesameoldirritatingthings,asingleteardropfellfromhereyes.
‘Ididn’tevenmeetherandnowthishappened,’shesaid,sniffing.‘Onlyshenevergaveuponme.ShecametoTokyotoseemeagainandagain.’
ThefirsttimeKumicametovisitHiraiinTokyo,Hiraiwastwenty-fourandKumiwaseighteen.Butbackthen,Kumiwasthecuddlylittlesisterwhocontactedhereverynowandthenbehindherparents’back.Stillonlyinseniorhighschool,shewasalreadyhelpingattheinnwhenshewasn’tatschool.WhenHirailefthome,herparents’expectationswereimmediatelytransferredtoKumi.Beforeshehadevencomeofage,shehadbecomethefaceoftheoldinn,thefutureowner.Kumi’seffortstopersuadeHiraitoreturntothefamilybeganthen.Despitealwaysbeingbusywithherresponsibilities,KumifoundthetimetovisitTokyoonceeverycoupleofmonths.Atfirst,whileHiraistillsawKumiashercuddlyyoungersister,shewouldmeetherandlistentowhatshehadtosay.ButtherecameapointwhereKumi’srequestsbegantofeellikeanannoyingimposition.Forthelastyear,thelasttwoyearsforthatmatter,Hiraihadcompletelyavoidedher.
Thefinaltime,shehadhiddenfromherinthisverycafe,andtriedtothrowawaywhatKumihadwrittentoher.SheputtheletterthatKeihadrescuedbackintheenvelope.
‘Iknowtherule.Thepresentdoesn’tchangenomatterhowhardyoutry.Ifullyunderstandthat.Takemebacktothatday.’
‘…’
‘I’mbeggingyou!’Hirai’sfacewasnowfarmoreseriousthaniteverhadbeen.Shebowedherheaddeeply.
Nagare’snarroweyesnarrowedfurtherashelookeddownatHiraibowingdeeply.Naturally,NagareknewthedaythatHiraiwasreferringto:threedaysagowhenKumihadvisitedthecafe.Shewasaskingtogobackandmeether.KeiandKohtakewaitedwithbatedbreathforNagare’sreply.Theroombecameeerilysilent.Onlythewomaninthedresscontinuedtobehaveasifnothingwaswrong,continuingtoreadhernovel.
Plonk.
ThesoundofNagareputtingthebottleofsaltonthecounterechoedthroughoutthecafe.
Then,withoutaword,hewalkedawayanddisappearedintothebackroom.
Hirailiftedherhead,andtookalarge,deepbreath.
Fromthebackroom,Nagare’svoicecouldbefaintlyheardcallingforKazu.
‘But,Hirai—’
‘Yeah,Iknow.’
HiraiinterruptedKohtakesoshedidn’thavetohearwhatshewasgoingtosay.Shewalkeduptothewomaninthedress.‘Um,solikeIwasjustsayingtotheothers.CouldIsitthere,please?’
‘Hi—Hirai!’Keisaidfrantically.
‘Canyoudothisforme?Please!’IgnoringKei,Hiraiputherhandstogetherasifshewereprayingtoagod.Shelookedfaintlyridiculousasshedidso,butstillsheseemedgenuinelyserious
Butthewomaninthedressdidnotevenflinch.ThismadeHiraiirate.‘Hey!Canyouhearme?Don’tjustignoreme.Can’tyougivemetheseat?’shesaidwhileputtingherhandonthewoman’sshoulder.
‘No!Hirai,stop!Youmustn’t.’
‘Please!’Shewasn’tlisteningtoKei.Shetriedtopullthewoman’sarmbyforce,totaketheseatfromher.
‘Hirai,stopit!’Keiyelled.
Butatthatmoment,thewomaninthedress’seyesopenedwide,andsheglaredatHirai.Instantly,shewasoverwhelmedbythesensationthatshewasbecomingheavier,manytimesover.Itfeltasiftheearth’sgravityhadbegunmultiplying.Thecafe’slightingsuddenlyseemedreducedtocandlelight,flickeringinthewind,andaneerieghostlywailingbeganreverberatingthroughoutthecafe,withnosignofwhereitwascomingfrom.Unabletomoveamuscle,shefelltoherknees.
‘Whatthe…whatisthis?’
‘Well,youcouldhavelistened!’Keisigheddramatically,withanairofI-told-you-so.
Hiraiwasfamiliarwiththerules,butshedidn’tknowanythingaboutthecurse.Whatsheknewhadbeenputtogetherfromexplanationsgiventocustomerswhohadcomewantingtogobacktothepast,andtheyhadnormallygivenupontheideaafterhearingtheoverlycomplicatedrules.
‘She’sademon…ahag!’sheshouted.
‘No,she’sjustaghost,’Keiinterjectedcoolly.Fromthefloor,Hiraiwashurlinginsultsatthewomaninthedress,butsuchabusewasuseless.
‘Oh…!’Kazuexclaimedwhensheappearedfromthebackroom.Onelooktoldherwhathadhappened.Shedartedbackintothekitchenandcameoutcarryingacarafefilledwithcoffee.Shewalkeduptothewomaninthedress.
‘Wouldyoucareforsomemorecoffee?’Kazuasked.
‘Yes,please,’thewomaninthedressreplied,andHiraiwasreleased.Strangely,Kazuwastheonlyonewhocouldliftthecurse;whenKeiorNagarehadtriedtoithadn’tworked.Nowfree,Hiraireturnedtonormal.Shestartedpantingheavily.Lookingverywornoutbytheordeal,sheturnedtoKazu.
‘Kazulove,pleasesaysomethingtoher.Gethertomove!’shecried.
‘OK,Iunderstandwhatyou’regoingthrough,Hirai.’
‘Socanyoudosomething?’
Kazulookeddownatthecarafeshewasholdinginherhands.Shethoughtforafewmoments.
‘Ican’tsaywhetherthiswillworkornot…’
Hiraiwasdesperateenoughtotryanything.
‘Whatever!Pleasedothisforme!’shepleaded,holdingherhandsinprayer.
‘OK,let’stryit.’Kazuwalkeduptothewomaninthedress.WithKei’shelp,Hiraireturnedtostandingandwatchedtoseewhatwasabouttohappen.
‘Wouldyoucareforsomemorecoffee?’Kazuaskedagaindespitethecupbeingstillfulltothebrim.
HiraiandKohtakebothtiltedtheirheadssideways,unabletoworkoutwhatKazuwasdoing.
Butthewomaninthedressrespondedtotheofferofarefill.
‘Yes,please,’shereplied,anddranktheentirecupofcoffeethathadbeenpouredforherjustmomentsbefore.Kazuthenfilledtheemptiedcupwithcoffee.Thewomaninthedressthenproceededtoreadhernovel,asifnothingoutoftheordinaryhadhappened.
Then,straightafterwards…
‘Wouldyoucareforsomemorecoffee?’Kazuaskedagain.
Thewomaninthedressstillhadnottouchedthecoffeesincethelastrefill:thecupremainedcompletelyfull.
Andyetthewomaninthedressagainreplied,‘Yes,please,’andproceededtodowntheentirecoffee.
‘Well,whowouldhavethought…’Kohtakesaid,herexpressionslowlychangingassherealizedwhatKazuwasdoing.
Kazucontinuedwithheroutlandishplan.Afterfillingthecupwithcoffeeshewouldofferagain:‘Wouldyoucareforsomemorecoffee?’Shewentondoingthis,andeverytimeitwasoffered,thewomaninthedresswouldreply,‘Yes,please,’anddrinkitdown.Butafterawhile,thewomanbegantolookuncomfortable.
Ratherthandrinkingthecoffeedowninonego,shebegantotakeseveralsipstofinishit.Usingthismethod,Kazumanagedtogetthewomaninthedresstodrinksevencupsofcoffee.
‘Shelookssouncomfortable.Whydoesn’tshejustrefuse?’Kohtakecommented,sympathizingwiththewomaninthedress.
‘Shecan’trefuse,’KeiwhisperedinKohtake’sear.
‘Whynot?’
‘Becauseapparentlythat’stherule.’
‘Goodness…’Kohtakesaidinsurprisetothefactthatitwasn’tonlythosetravellingbackintimewhohadtofollowannoyingrules.Shewatchedon,eagertoseewhatwouldhappennext.Kazupouredaneighthcoffee,fillingthecupalmosttothepointofoverflowing.Thewomaninthedresswinced.ButKazuwasrelentless.
‘Wouldyoucareforsomemorecoffee?’
WhenKazuofferedtheninthcupofcoffee,thewomaninthedresssuddenlystoodupfromherseat.
‘Shestoodup!’Kohtakeexclaimedinexcitement.
‘Toilet,’thewomaninthedressmumbled,glaringdirectlyatKazu,andheadedofftothetoilet.
Ithadtakensomecoercion,butthatseathadbeenvacated.
‘Thankyou,’Hiraisaidasshestaggeredovertotheseatwherethewomaninthedresshadbeensitting.Hirai’snervousnessseemedtoaffecteveryoneinthecafe.Shedrewinalarge,deepbreath,slowlyexhaled,andslidinbetweenthetableandthechair.Shesatdownandgentlyclosedhereyes.
KumiHiraihadalwaysbeen,sinceshewasayounggirl,alittlesisterwhofollowedherbigsisteraround,callingout‘BigSis’thisand‘BigSis’that.
Theoldinnwasalwaysverybusy,nomattertheseason.Herfatherwastheproprietorandhermothertheproprietress.HermotherMichikowentbacktoworksoonaftershewasborn.Oftenthetaskofwatchingoverher,stillayoungbaby,felltosix-year-oldHirai.Whenshestartedelementaryschool,Hiraiwouldgiveherapiggybacktoschool.Itwasacountryschool,andtheteacherswereunderstanding.Ifshestartedcryinginclass,Hiraiwasabletotakeheroutofclasstocomforther.InschoolHiraiwasareliablebigsister,diligentinlookingafterherlittlesister.
Hirai’sparentshadgreathopesforHirai,whowasnaturallysociableandlikeable.Theythoughtshewouldbecomeanexcellentmanageroftheinn.Butherparentshadunderestimatedtheintricaciesofhercharacter.Specifically,shewasfree-spirited.Shewantedtodothingswithouthavingtoworrywhatothersthought.ItwaswhatmadehercomfortableenoughtogiveKumiapiggybacktoschool.Shehadnoinhibitions.Shewantedtodothingsherownway.Herbehaviourmeantthatherparentsdidn’tworryabouther,butitwaspreciselythisfree-spiritednessthatultimatelyledtoherrefusalofherparents’wishthatshewouldsomedaytakeovertheinn
Shedidn’thateherparents,nordidshehatetheinn.Shesimplylivedforherfreedom.Ateighteen,shelefthome,whenKumiwastwelve.Herparents’angeratherleavinghomewasjustasintenseastheexpectationtheyhadheldthatshewouldbetheirsuccessor,andtheycutheroff.Whiletheshockofherleavingweighedheavyonherparents,Kumialsotookitbadly.
ButKumimusthavesensedthatshewasgoingtoleave.Whensheleft,Kumididnotcryorappearheartbroken;shejustmuttered,‘She’ssoselfish,’whenshesawtheletterthatHiraihadleftforher.
KazuwasstandingbesideHiraiandcarryingawhitecoffeecupandsilverkettleonasilvertray.Herfacehadanelegant,calmexpression.
‘Youknowtherules?’
‘Iknowtherules…’
Kumihadvisitedthecafe,andwhileitwouldn’tbepossibletochangethefactthatshediedintheaccident,Hiraiwasnowsittingintherightseat,andhowevershortthetimeshewouldhaveinthepast,ifshecouldseeKumionelasttime,itwouldbeworthit.
Hiraigaveadeepnodandpreparedherself.
Butregardlessofherpreparedness,Kazucontinuedtospeak.
‘Peoplewhogobacktothepasttomeetapersonnowdeceasedcangetcaughtupintheemotion,soeventhoughtheyknowthereisatimelimit,theybecomeunabletosaygoodbye.SoIwantyoutohavethis…’KazuplacedasmallstickabouttencentimetreslongintoHirai’scupofcoffee–thekindyoumightusetostiracocktail.Itlookedabitlikeaspoon.
‘What’sthis?’
‘Thissoundsanalarmjustbeforethecoffeegetscold.Soifthealarmsounds—’
‘OK.Iknow.Iunderstand,OK?’
Thevaguenessofthedeadline‘justbeforethecoffeegetscold’worriedHirai.Evenifshethoughtthecoffeewascold,therestillmightbetimeremaining.Orshemightthinkthecoffeestillhadenoughheatinitandmakethemistakeofstayingtoolongandnevermakingitback.Analarmmadethingsmuchsimplerandcalmedheranxiety.
Allshewantedtodowasapologize.KumihadmadetheefforttocometovisithertimeandtimeagainbutHiraisawitonlyasanuisance.
ApartfromthematterofhowshehadtreatedKumisounkindly,therewasalsothematterofKumibeingmadethesuccessortoTakakura.
WhenHirailefthomeandwascutofffromthefamily,Kumiautomaticallybecamethesuccessor.Shewastooobligingtobetraytheexpectationsoftheirparents,asHiraihaddone.
Butwhatifthishadshatteredadreamthatsheheld?
Ifsheoncehadadream,ruinedbyHirai’sselfishdecisiontorunaway,itwouldexplainwhyshehadsooftenvisitedHiraitobeghertoreturnhome–shewouldwantHiraitocomebacksothatshecouldhavethefreedomtopursueherownambitions.
IfHiraihadfoundherfreedomatKumi’sexpense,thenitwouldonlybenaturalforhertofeelresentful.NowtherewasnowayofendingHirai’sregret.
Thiswasallthemorereasonforhertoapologize.Ifshecouldnotchangethepresent,thenatleastshecouldsay,‘Sorry,pleaseforgiveyourselfishbigsis.’
HirailookedintoKazu’seyesandgaveafirm,definitenod.
KazuputthecoffeeinfrontofHirai.ShepickedupthesilverkettlefromthetraywithherrighthandandlookedatHiraifromunderneathherloweredbrow.Thiswastheceremony.Theceremonydidnotchange,nomatterwhowassittinginthatseat.Kazu’sexpressionswerepartofit.
‘Justremember…’Kazupausedandthenwhispered,‘Drinkthecoffeebeforeitgoescold.’
Shebegantoslowlypourthecoffee,whichflowedsoundlesslyfromthesilverkettle’snarrowspout,likeasingleblackthread.Hiraiwatchedthesurfaceoftheliquidasitrose.Thelongerthecoffeetooktofillthecup,themoreimpatientshebecame.Shewantedtogobackandmeetherlittlesisterwithoutdelay.Shewantedtoseeher,toapologize.Butthecoffeewouldstartcoolingthemomentthecupwasfilled–shehadpreciouslittletime.
Shimmeringsteamrosefromthefilledcup.Lookingatit,Hiraibegantoexperienceanoverwhelmingdizziness.Herbodybecameonewiththesteamthatengulfedher,andshefeltlikeshewasbeginningtorise.Althoughitwasthefirsttimeexperiencingthis,shedidn’tfinditatallfrightening.Feelingherimpatiencesubside,shegentlyclosedhereyes.
Hiraifirstvisitedthecafesevenyearsbefore.Shewastwenty-fourandhadbeenrunningherbarforaboutthreemonths.OneSundayattheendofautumnshewasstrollingaroundtheneighbourhoodandcasuallypoppedintothecafetocheckitout.Theonlycustomerswereawomaninawhitedressandherself.Itwasthetimeoftheyearwhenpeoplestartedwearingscarves,butthewomaninthedresswasinshortsleeves.Thinkingthatshemustbealittlechilly,evenifshewasinside,Hiraisatdownatthecounter.
Shelookedaroundtheroom,buttherewerenostaffmembersinsight.Whenthebellhadrungassheenteredthecafe,shehadn’theardanyonecallout‘Hello,welcome!’asshemighthaveexpected.Shegottheimpressionthatthiscafewasnotbigoncustomerservice,butthisdidn’tputheroff.Thekindofplacethatdidn’tfollowconventionsappealedtoher.Shedecidedtowaittoseeifanyonewhoworkedtherewouldmakeanappearance.Perhapssometimesthebellwentunnoticed?Shewassuddenlycuriousastowhetherthisoftenhappened.Also,thewomaninthedresshadnotevennoticedher;shejustkeptonreadingherbook.Hiraigotthefeelingthatshehadmistakenlystumbledintothecafeonadaywhenitwasclosed.Afteraboutfiveminutes,thebellrangandincameagirlwholookedlikeshemightbeinjuniorhighschool.Shecasuallysaid,‘Hello,welcome,’withoutanysenseofurgencyandwalkedoffintothebackroom.Hiraiwasoverjoyedbythis:shehadfoundacafethatdidn’tpandertocustomers.Thatmeantfreedom.Therewasnowayofanticipatingjustwhenonewouldgetserved.Shelikedthiskindofcafe–itwasarefreshingchangefromtheplacesthattreatedyouinthesameoldpredictableway.Shelitacigaretteandwaitedleisurely.
Afterashortwhile,awomanappearedfromthebackroom.Bythistime,Hiraiwassmokinghersecondcigarette.Thewomanwaswearingabeigeknitcardiganandalongwhiteskirtwithawine-redapronoverit.Shehadbigroundeyes.
Theschoolgirlmusthavetoldherthattheyhadacustomer,butsheenteredtheroominalaid-back,casualmanner.
Thewomanwiththebigroundeyesshowednosenseofhurry.ShepouredsomewaterintoaglassandsetitinfrontofHirai.‘Hello,welcome.’Shesmiledasifeverythingwasnormal.Acustomerwhoexpectedtobetreatedinaspecialmannermighthaveexpectedanapologyfortheslowserviceatleast.ButHiraididn’twantorexpectsuchservice.Thewomandidn’tshowanysignthatshehadbehavedwronglybutinsteadsmiledwarmly.Hiraihadnevermetanotheruninhibitedwomanwhodidthingsatherownpace,asshealwaysdidherself.Shetookaninstantlikingtoher.Treatthemmean,keepthemkeen,thatwasHirai’smotto.
Fromthenon,HiraistartedvisitingFuniculiFuniculaeveryday.Duringthatwintershediscoveredthatthecafecouldreturnyoutothepast.Shethoughtitwasoddthatthewomaninthedresswasalwaysinshortsleeves.Whensheasked,‘Shemustbecold,don’tyouthink?’Keiexplainedaboutthewomaninthedress,andhowyoucouldreturntothepastifyousatinthatseat.
Hiraireplied,‘Youdon’tsay?’thoughitsoundedunbelievabletoher.Butasshedidn’tthinkKeiwouldtellalielikethat,sheletitgoforthetimebeing.Itwasaboutsixmonthslaterthattheurbanlegendsurroundingthecafespreadanditspopularitygrew.
ButevenonceHiraiknewabouttravellingtothepast,sheneveronceconsidereddoingsoherself.Shelivedlifeinthefastlaneandhadnoregrets.Andwhatwasthepointanyway,shethought,iftherulesmeantthatyoucouldn’tchangethepresent,nomatterhowhardyoutried?
Thatwas,untilKumidiedinatrafficaccident.
Amidsttheshimmering,Hiraisuddenlyheardhernamebeingcalled.Whensheheardthisfamiliarvoice,sheopenedhereyeswithastart.Lookinginthedirectionofthevoice,shesawKeistandingthere,wearingawine-redapron.HerbigroundeyesshowedshewassurprisedtoseeHirai.Fusagiwasinthecafe,sittingatthetableclosesttotheentrance.ItwasexactlythescenethatHirairemembered.Shehadreturnedtothatday–thedaywhenKumiwasstillalive.
Hiraifeltherheartbeatquicken.Shehadtorelax.Thetensionfeltlikecordsstretchedasfarastheywouldgoasshestruggledtomaintainherfragilecomposure.Shepicturedhereyesbecomingredandswollenwithtearsandbecomingchokedup.ThatwasnotatallhowshewantedtolookwhenshemetKumi.Sheplacedherhandonherheart,inhaledslowlyanddeeplytosettleherself.
‘Hello…’shegreetedKei.
Keiwascaughtbysurpriseathavingsomeonesheknewsuddenlyappearinthatseat.Lookingbothstartledandintrigued,sheaddressedHiraiasifitwasthefirsttimeshehadhadsuchavisitor
‘What…Youcamefromthefuture?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Really?Whatonearthfor?’
TheKeiofthepasthadnoideaaboutwhathappened.Itwasastraightquestion,innocentlyasked.
‘Oh,I’vejustcometoseemysister.’Hiraiwasn’tinapositiontolie.Shetightenedhergriponthelettersheheldinherlap.
‘Theonewhoisalwayscomingtopersuadeyoutocomehome?’
‘That’stheone.’
‘Well,thatmakesachange!Aren’tyounormallytryingtoavoidher?’
‘Wellnottoday…Today,I’mgoingtoseeher.’
Hiraididherbesttoreplycheerfully.Shehadmeanttolaugh,buthereyeswerenotlaughing.Shewasunabletoproduceasingletwinkle.Shedidn’tknowwheretodirecthergaze,either.IfKeigotagoodlookather,shewouldseestraightthroughher.Evennow,sheknewthatKeicouldsensethatsomethingwaswrong.
‘Didsomethinghappen?’Keiaskedinawhisper.
Shecouldn’tsayanythingforawhile.Theninanunconvincingtoneshesaid,‘Ohnothing.Nothing.’
Waterflowsfromhighplacestolowplaces.Thatisthenatureofgravity.Emotionsalsoseemtoactaccordingtogravity.Wheninthepresenceofsomeonewithwhomyouhaveabond,andtowhomyouhaveentrustedyourfeelings,itishardtolieandgetawaywithit.Thetruthjustwantstocomeflowingout.Thisisespeciallythecasewhenyouaretryingtohideyoursadnessorvulnerability.Itismucheasiertoconcealsadnessfromastranger,orfromsomeoneyoudon’ttrust.HiraisawKeiasaconfidantewithwhomshecouldshareanything.Theemotionalgravitywasstrong.Keiwasabletoacceptanything–forgiveanything–thatHirailetflowout.AsinglekindwordfromKeicouldcutthecordsoftensionthatranthroughher.
Atthatmoment,itwouldhavebeenenoughforKeitosayjustonemorekindthingandthetruthwouldhavecomepouringout.Keiwaslookingatherwithconcern.Hiraicouldtell,evenwithoutlooking,andwasthereforedesperatelyavoidinglookingather.
Keicameoutfrombehindthecounter,botheredbyHirai’sreluctancetolookather.
CLANG-DONG
Justthenthebellrang.
‘Hello,welcome!’saidKei,comingtoastandstillassheautomaticallycalledouttotheentrance.
ButHiraiknewitwasKumi.Thehandsofthemiddlewallclocksaiditwasthreeo’clock,andHiraiknewthatthemiddleclockwastheonlyoneofthethreethatshowedthecorrecttime.ThiswasthetimethatKumihadvisitedthecafethreedaysearlier.
Onthatday,Hiraihadbeenforcedtohidebehindthecounter.Thearrangementofthecafe–locatedinabasementwithonlyoneentrance–lefthernochoice.Theonlywayinoroutwasviathestairsthatledtothestreet.Hiraialwaysturnedupatthecafeafterlunchtime.Shewouldordercoffee,chatwithKei,andthenheadoffforwork.That
Kumiwascomingdownwhiletalkingtosomeoneonthephone.Inapanic,Hiraidoubledbackintothecafeandrantohidebehindthecounter.Clang-dong,thebellrang.HiraiglimpsedKumienteringtheroomassheduckeddown.Thatwasthestoryofhernotmeetinghersisterthreedaysearlier.
Now,Hiraiwassittinginthatseat,waitingforKumitocomewalkingin.Sherealizedshecouldn’timaginewhatclothesKumiwouldbewearing.Shehadn’tseenherfaceproperlyforyears,infact,shecouldn’trememberthelasttimeshehad.Itmadeherrealizejusthowconsistentlyshehadavoidedhersister’svisits.Now,herchestwasfullofregret.Thepainintensifiedassherecalledthelowlytacticsshehademployedtoavoidmeetingher.
Butrightthereinthatmoment,shecouldnotallowherselftocry.Shehadneveroncecriedinfrontofhersister.ThatmeantKumiwouldnotconsideritnormalifshebrokedowninfrontofhernow.Shewouldwanttoknowifsomethinghadhappened.Putinthatposition,Hiraithoughtshewouldcrumble.Despiteknowingthatthepresentwouldnotchange,shewouldneverthelesssay,‘Youhaveacarcrash,takethetrainhome!’or‘Don’tgohometoday!’Butthatwouldbetheworstthingthatshecouldsay.Shewouldendupbeingtheharbingerofdeath,upsettingKumibeyondmeasure.Shehadtoavoidthathappeningatallcosts.Causingherfurthersufferingwasthelastthingshewantedtodo.Shetookadeepbreathtotrytocalmherunwieldyemotions.
‘BigSis?’
Hearingthatvoice,Hirai’sheartskippedabeat.ItwasKumi’svoice,avoiceshe’dthoughtshewouldneverhearagain.Sheslowlyopenedhereyestoseehersisterattheentrancelookingbackather.
‘Hithere…’Hirailiftedherhand,wavedandsmiledaswidelyasshecould.Thestrainedlookthatshehadbeenwearingwasgone.Butinherlap,clenchedinherlefthand,wastheletter.Kumistaredather.
Hiraicouldunderstandherconfusion.Untilnow,everytimeHiraihadseenher,shemadenoefforttohideherawkwardness.Shenormallyadoptedacoldnesstoconveytoherthatshejustwantedhertohurryupandleave.Butthistimewasdifferent.ShewasactuallylookingatKumiandgivingherafull-facedsmile.Usuallyreluctanttoevenmakeeyecontact,shewasnowlookingatherandnothingelse.
‘Wow…Thisisstrange.What’supwithyoutoday?’
‘Whatdoyoumean?’
‘Imean,inalltheseyears,you’veneverbeensoeasytofind.’
‘Youthink?’
‘Iknow!’
‘Oh,Kumi,I’msorryaboutthat,’Hiraisaid,shrugginghershoulders.
Kumislowlyapproachedher,asifshewasstartingtofeelmorecomfortablewithherapparentchangeofheart.
‘Um.CouldIorder,please?I’dlikeacoffee,sometoast,andthencurryriceandamixedparfait?’shecalledouttoKei,whowasstandingbehindthecounter.
‘I’llgetrightonit,’Keisaid,glancingbrieflyoveratHirai.
RecognizingtheHiraisheknew,sheseemedmuchmoreateaseasshedisappearedintothekitchen.
‘CanIsithere?’KumiaskedHiraihesitantly,asshepulledoutthechair.
‘Ofcourse,’Hirairepliedwithasmile.
Elated,Kumibrokeintoasmile.Takingthechairopposite,sheslowlysatdown.
Forawhileneithertalked.Theyjustlookedateachother.Kumikeptfidgetingandcouldn’tseemtorelax.Hiraijustkeptlookingather,happyjusttostare.Kumireturnedhersteadygaze.
‘It’sdefinitelyprettystrangetoday,’shemumbled.
‘Howso?’
‘Itfeelslikesomethingwehaven’tdoneforages…justsittingherelookingateachother…’
‘Wehaven’t?’
‘Oh,comeon.LasttimeIcame,Iwasstandingatyourfrontdoorandyouwouldn’tletmein.Thetimebeforethatyouranawaywithmechasingafteryou.Beforethat,youcrossedthestreettoavoidme,andthenbeforethat…’
‘Prettyawful,wasn’tit?’Hiraiagreed.
SheknewthatKumicouldkeepongoingon.Itwasobviouswhatwasreallyhappening–whenshepretendednottobehomewhenherapartmentlightswereon,whensheactedlikeshewasreallydrunkandsaid,‘Whoareyou?’pretendingthatshedidn’trecognizeher.SheneverreadKumi’sletters,shejustthrewthemaway.Eventheverylastletter.Shewasanawfulbigsis.
‘Wellthat’showyouare.’
‘I’msorry,Kumi.I’mreallysorry,’Hiraisaid,pokinghertongueout,tryingtoliftthemood.
Kumicouldn’tletitgounremarked.‘Sotellmethetruth,what’shappened?’sheaskedwithaworriedlook.
‘Huh?Whatdoyoumean?’
‘Comeon,you’reactingallweird.’
‘Youthink?’
‘Hassomethinghappened?’
‘No…nothinglikethat,’Hiraisaid,tryingtosoundnatural.
TheawkwardnessandworryinKumi’slookmadeHiraifeellikeitwasherwhowaslivingherfinalhours,likesomeoneinasentimentaltelevisiondramasuddenlyredeemingherselfinthefaceofdeath.Shefelthereyesreddenatthecruelirony.Shewasn’ttheonewhowasgoingtodie.Overwhelmedbyawaveofemotion,shecouldnolongermaintain
‘Herewego…’Keiappearedwiththecoffeejustintime.
Hiraiquicklyliftedherfaceagain.
‘Thankyou,’Kumisaid,politelynodding.
‘Notatall.’Keiplacedthecoffeeonthetable,gavealittlebow,andreturnedtobehindthecounter.
Theflowofconversationhadbeeninterrupted.Hiraiwaslostforwords.EversinceKumihadappearedinthecafe,Hiraihadwantedtohughertightlyandyell,‘Don’tdie!’Theeffortaloneofnotsayingthiswaskeepingherbusy.
Asthepauseintheconversationgrewlonger,Kumibegantogetrestless.Shewasfidgetingoutofdiscomfort.Bendingaletterpadsheheldonherlap,shekeptglancingatthetickingwallclock.Hiraicouldseewhatshewasthinkingbyhowshewasbehaving.
Kumiwaschoosingherwordscarefully.Lookingdown,shewasrehearsinginherheadwhatshewantedtosay.Ofcoursetherequestinitselfwassimple–Pleasecomehome.Butarticulatingthiswasastruggle.
Itwassohardtosaybecauseeverytimeshe’draiseditoverthelastseveralyears,Hiraihadflatlyrefused,andthemoreshehadrepeatedlydeclinedandrefused,thecoldershehadbecome.Kumihadnevergivenup,nomatterhowmanytimeshersisterrefused,butshenevergotusedtohearingno.Eachtimesheheardit,ithurther–anditmadehersad.
WhenHiraithoughtabouthowharditmusthavebeenforKumitohavebeenmadetofeelthiswayagainandagain,thetensioninherchestfeltlikeithadreachedbreakingpointandsnapped.Forsolong,Kumihadhadtobearthesefeelings.Atthatmoment,shewasimaginingthatHiraiwouldonceagainrefuse,andnaturally,thisleftherataloss.Eachtime,shebattledtenaciouslytofindcourage.Butshenevergaveup,ever.ShelookedupandstareddirectlyandboldlyintoHirai’seyes.Hiraididn’tlookaway;shelookeddirectlybackatKumi,whotookashortbreathandwasabouttospeak.
‘OK,Idon’tmindcominghome,’Hiraireplied.
Technicallyitwasn’tareplybecauseKumihadn’tsaidanythingyet.ButHiraihadknownalltoowellwhatshewasgoingtoaskandsorespondedtowhatsheexpectedhertosay:‘Iwantyoutocomehome!’
Kumi’sfacebetrayedherconfusion,asifshedidn’tunderstandwhatHiraihadsaid.‘What?’
Hirairespondedgentlyandclearly.‘OK…Idon’tmindgoinghometoTakakura.’
Kumi’sfacestillshoweddisbelief.‘Really?’
‘ButyouknowIwouldn’tbemuchuse,don’tyou?’Hiraisaidapologetically.
‘That’sOK.Noproblem!Youcanjustlearntheworkasyougo.DadandMumwillbesopleased,I’msure!’
‘Really?’
‘Ofcoursetheywill!’Kumirepliedandmadeadeepnod.Herfaceswiftlyturnedredandsheburstintotears.
‘What’sup?’
ThistimeitwasHirai’sturntobedismayed.SheknewthereasonforKumi’stears:ifHiraireturnedtoTakakura,shewouldreclaimherfreedom.HerpersistenteffortsoversomanyyearstopersuadeHiraihadpaidoff.Itwasnowonderthatshewashappy.ButHiraihadneverimagineditwouldleadtosomuchcrying.
‘Thishasalwaysbeenmydream,’Kumimuttered,lookingdown,hertearsspillingontothetable.
Hirai’sheartbeatwildly.SoKumididhaveherowndreams.Shehadwantedtodosomethingtoo.Hirai’sselfishnesshadrobbedherofthat–adreamworthcryingover.
Shethoughtsheshouldknowexactlywhatshehadgotinthewayof.
‘Whatdream?’sheaskedKumi.
Withredtearyeyes,Kumilookedupandtookadeepbreath.‘Toruntheinntogether.Withyou,’shereplied.Herfacetransformedintoabigsmile.
NeverhadHiraiseenKumishowsuchanecstatic,happysmile.
HiraithoughtbacktowhatshehadsaidtoKeionthisdayinthepast.
‘Sheresentsme.’
‘Shedidn’twantitpasseddowntoher.’
‘IkeeptellingherIdon’twanttogohome.Butshekeepsonaskingtimeandtimeandtimeagain.Sayingthatshewaspersistentwouldbeanunderstatement’
‘Idon’twanttoseeit…’
‘Iseeitwrittenonherface.BecauseofwhatIdid,sheisnowgoingtobeownerofaninnshedoesn’twanttorun.Shewantsmetocomehomesothatshecanbefree.’
‘Ifeelsheispressuringme.’
‘Throwitaway!’
‘Icanimaginewhatitsays…It’sreallytoughformebymyself.Pleasecomehome.It’sOKifyoulearntheropesonceyoucome…’
Hiraihadsaidallthosethings.Butshewaswrong.Kumididn’tresenther.Norwasittruethatshedidn’twanttoinherittheinn.ThereasonthatKumididn’tgiveuptryingtopersuadeHiraitoreturnwasbecausethatwasherdream.Itwasn’tbecauseshewantedherownfreedom,anditwasn’tbecauseshewasblamingher:itwasherdreamtoruntheinntogetherwithHirai.Thatdreamhadnotchanged,andnorhadherlittlesister,whowasthereinfrontofherwithtearsofjoystreamingdownherface.HerlittlesisterKumi,whohadlovedherbigsiswithallherheart,had,timeaftertime,cometopersuadehertoreturntothefamily,nevergivingup.Whileherparentshaddisownedher,KumihadhungontothebeliefthatHiraiwouldcomehome.Howsweetherlittlesisterstillwas.Alwaysthelittlegirl,alwaysfollowingheraround.‘BigSis!BigSis!’HiraifeltmoreloveforKumithansheeverhadbefore.
Butthelittlesisterthatshesolovedwasnowgone.
Hirai’ssenseofregretgrew.Don’tdieonme!Idon’twantyoutodie!
‘Ku-Kumi.’Hiraicalledhernameinasoftvoice,asifithadjustslippedout.Eveniftheeffortwasfutile,shewantedtostopKumi’sdeath.ButKumididn’tseemtohaveheardHirai.
‘Waitabit.Gottogotothetoilet.Ijustneedtofixmymake-up,’Kumisaidgettingupfromherseatandwalkingaway.
‘Kumi!’Hiraicriedout.
HearinghernamesuddenlyscreamedinthatwaystoppedKumiinhertracks.‘What?’sheasked,lookingstartled.
Hiraididn’tknowwhattosay.Nothingshesaidwouldchangethepresent.
‘Er.Nothing.Sorry.’
Ofcourseitwasn’tnothing.Don’tgo!Don’tdie!Sorry!Pleaseforgiveme!Ifyouhadn’tcometomeetme,youwouldn’thavedied!
Thereweremanythingsshewantedtosay,andapologizefor:selfishlyleavinghome,expectingKumitolookaftertheirparents,leavingittohertotakeontheroleofheir.Notonlyhadsheneglectedtothinkhowhardthatwasforherfamily,she’dneverimaginedwhatreallyledKumitotaketimefromherbusyscheduleandcometoseeher.Iseenowthatyousufferedbyhavingmeasyouroldersister.I’msorry.Butnoneofthesefeelingscouldbeformedintowords.Shehadneverunderstood…Butwhatshouldshesay?Andwhatdidshewanttosay?
Kumiwaslookingatherkindly.Evenifnothingwasforthcoming,shestillwaitedforhertospeak–sheunderstoodthatshehadsomethingshewantedtosay.
HowkindlyyoulookatmeafterI’vebeensohorribleforsolong.Youheldontothesekindfeelingswhileyoucontinuedtowaitformeforsolong.Alwayswishingwecouldworktogetherattheinn.Nevergivingup.ButI…
AfteralongsilenceofbeinglostinherfeelingsHiraimanagedtomutterjusttwowords.‘Thankyou.’
Shedidn’tknowwhetherthatonephrasecouldcontainallthesefeelingsorwhetheritconveyedhowshefelt.Buteverypartofheratthatmomentwasinvestedinthosetwowords.
Kumilookedperplexedforamoment,butthenrepliedwithabiggrin.‘Yeah,you’redefinitelyactingstrangetoday.’
‘Yeah,Iguess,’Hiraisaid,squeezingoutherlaststrengthtoproduceherbiggestandbestsmile.Visiblyhappy,Kumishruggedandthentwirledroundandheadedforthetoilet.
Hiraiwatchedherwalkaway.Tearswelledupinhereyes.Shefeltshecouldnolongerstemtheflow.Yetshedidnotblink.ShefixedhergazeonKumi’sback,watchingheruntilshedisappeared.AssoonasKumiwasoutofsight,shedroppedherheadandhertearsfellfromherfaceandlandedlikerainonthetable.Shefeltthegriefsurgefromthebottomofherheart.Shewantedtoscreamandbawl,butshecouldn’tcryout.
Ifshedid,Kumiwouldhearit.Shedesperatelycoveredhermouthtostopherselffromyellinghersister’snameandwithshoulderstremblingshemutedhervoiceandcried.Fromthekitchen,Keicalledouttoher,concernedbyherstrangebehaviour.
‘YouOK,Hirai?’
Beepbeepbeepbeepbeep…
Thesuddensoundcamefromthecoffeecup:thealarmwarningthatthecoffeewasabouttogetcold.
‘Ohno!Thatalarm!’
Keiunderstoodeverythingwhensheheardit–thealarmwasonlyusedwhenapersonwasvisitingsomeonewhohaddied.
Ohdear…Hersweetlittlesister.
WithKumiinthetoilet,KeilookedoveratHirai.‘Surelyno…’shemutteredindread.
HiraisawhowKeiwaslookingather,andsimplynoddedsadly.
Keilookeddistressed.‘Hirai,’shecalled.
‘Iknow,’shesaid,grabbingthecoffeecup.‘I’vegottodrinkup,right?’
Keididn’tsayanything.Shecouldn’tsayanything.
Hiraiheldthecup.Shebreathedinandexhaledwithamoan,filledwithallthepainfulgriefseepingfromherheart
‘Ijustwanttoseeherface,onemoretime.ButifIdo,Iwon’tbeabletoreturn.’
Hirai’sshakinghandsbroughtthecuptoherlips.Shehadtodrinkup.Tearssurgedonceagainfromhereyes.Arushofthoughtscrossedhermind.Whydidthishappen?Whydidshehavetodie?Whydidn’tIsaythatIwouldgohomeearlier?
Thecupstoppedashortdistancefromherlipsanddidn’tmove.Afteramoment,‘Ugh.Ican’tdrinkit…’
Sheputthecupdown,totallydrainedofstrength.Shehadnoideawhatshewantedtodoorwhyshehadgonebacktothepast.Allsheknewwasthatshelovedherlittlesister,shewasprecioustoher,andnowshewasgone.
IfIdrinkthiscoffeenow,Iwillneverseemysisteragain.EventhoughIfinallymadehersmile,itwillneverhappenagain.YetsheknewshewouldneverbeabletodrinkthecoffeewithKumi’sfaceinfrontofher.
‘Hirai!’
‘Ican’tdrinkit!’
KeicouldseehowdistressedHiraiwas.Shebitherlipandlookedgrave.
‘Youjustpromised…’shesaidwithatremblingvoice.‘Youjustpromisedyoursister,didn’tyou?Thatyouwouldreturntotheinn.’
Kumi’shappyelatedsmilewasbrandedontothebackofherclosedeyelids.
‘Yousaidthatyouwouldrunitalongsideher.’
HiraiimaginedthatKumiwasalive.Theywereworkinghappilytogetherattheinn.
Thesoundofthatearlymorningphonecallranginherhead.‘Butshe…’
TheimageofKumilyingthereasifshewassleepingflashedbeforeher.Kumiwasgone.
Whatwasshetodoonceshereturnedtothepresent?Herheartseemedtohavelostalldesiretoreturn.Keiwascryingtoo,butHiraihadneverheardsuchdeterminationinhervoice.‘Thatmeansyouhavetoreturn.Thatmakesitmoreimportantthanever.’
Howso?
‘Howunhappywouldyoursisterbeifsheknewthatyourpromisewasonlymadefortoday?Shewouldbedevastated,don’tyouthink?’
Yes!Kei’sright.Kumitoldmeitwasherdreamtoworkwithme,andIpromisedher.ThatwasthefirsttimeIhadeverseenKumisohappy.Ican’tactasifthatsmilingfaceneverhappened.Ican’tletherdownagain.IhavetoreturntothepresentandtoTakakura.EvenifKumiisdead,Ipromisedherwhenshewasalive.Ihavetomakesureherhappinesswasforsomething.
Hiraigrabbedthecup.But…
IwanttoseeKumi’sfaceonemoretime.Thatwasherlastdilemma.
ButwaitingtoseeKumi’sfacewouldmeannotbeingabletoreturntothepresent.ThiswassomethingthatHiraiwasalltooawareof.Yeteventhoughsheknewthatshehadtojustdrinkupthecoffee,thedistancebetweenthecupandhermouthremainedthesame.
Clack.
Shefaintlyheardthesoundofthetoiletdooropening.Atthemomentsheheardthatsound,herinstinctstookoverandshedownedthecoffee–shecouldn’taffordtohesitate.
Allrationalthinkinghadbeenputaside.Shefeltherentirebodyreactingintuitively.Themomentshedrankthecoffeethedizzinessreturnedandshefeltlikeshewasblendingintothesteamthatnowsurroundedherentirebody.SheresignedherselftoneverseeingKumieveragain.Butjustthenshereturnedfromthetoilet.
Kumi!
Amidsttheshimmering,partofHirai’sconsciousnesswasstillinthepast.
‘Huh?BigSis?’Kumihadreturned,butsheseemedunabletoseeHirai.Shewaslookingatthatseat,theoneHiraihadbeensittingin,withapuzzledlookonherface.
Kumi!
Hirai’svoicedidnotreachher.
Thenow-fadingKumilookedatKei,whowasstandingwithherbackturnedbehindthecounter.
‘Excuseme,Idon’tsupposeyouknowwheremysisterwent,doyou?’sheasked.
Keiturnedroundandsmiledather.‘Shehadtogosuddenly…’
OnhearingthisKumilookedbereft.Itmusthavebeenadisappointment.Shefinallymethersisterandthenshesuddenlyleft.Shehadsaidshewouldreturnhome,butthereunionwasshortandsweet.Itwasonlynaturalthatshefeltanxious.Shesighedandslumpedinherchair.Keisawhowshereactedtothisnews.
‘Don’tworry!Yoursistersaidshewouldkeepherpromise,’shesaid,winkinginthedirectionofwhereHirai,reducedtosteam,waswatching.
Kei,you’reasaviour!Thankyou.
Hiraibegancrying,touchedbyKei’ssupport.
Kumistoodandwassilentforamoment.‘Really?’sheasked,asabroadsmilespreadoverherface.‘OK,great!WellI’llbeonmywayhomethen.’Shebowedpolitelythenroseandwalkedoutofthecafewithaspringinherstep.
‘Kumi-i!’
Hiraisaweverythingthroughshimmeringsteam.KumihadsmiledwhensheheardthatHiraiwouldkeepherpromise.
EverythingaroundHiraiwoundfromstarttofinishlikeafilmonfast-forward.Shecontinuedtocry.Shecriedandcriedandcried…
Thewomaninthedresshadreturnedfromthetoiletandwasstandingnexttoher.Kazu,Nagare,Kohtake,andKeiweretheretoo.Hiraihadreturnedtothepresent–thepresentwithoutKumi.
ThewomaninthedresspaidnoattentiontoHirai’stearyeyes.‘Move!’shesaiddisgruntledly.
‘Ah.Right,’Hiraisaid,jumpingupfromthatseat.
Thewomaninthedresssatbackdowninherseat.ShepushedawaythecoffeecupthatHiraihaddrunkfromandbeganreadinghernovelasifnothinghadhappened.
Hiraitriedinvaintofixhertear-stainedface.Sheletoutabigsigh.‘I’mnotsuretheywillwelcomemebackwithopenarms.AndIwouldn’thaveacluehowtodothework…’shecontinued,lookingdownatKumi’sfinalletterinherhands.‘IfIwentbacklikethis…itshouldn’tbeaproblem,shouldit?’
ItseemedthatHiraiplannedtoreturntoTakakuraimmediately.Leavingthebarandeverythingelse,justgoing.ItwastypicalofHiraitodecideonsomethingwithoutfeelingtheneedtothinkthingsoverfirst.Shehadmadeuphermindandherfaceshowednotraceofdoubt.
Keinoddedreassuringly.
‘I’msureit’llbefine,’sheansweredcheerfully.Shedidn’taskHiraiwhathadhappenedinthepast.Shedidn’tneedto.Hiraitookout380yenfromherpursetopayforthecoffee.ShegaveittoNagareandwalkedoutofthecafe,lightonherfeet.
CLANG-DONG
KeihadwalkedoutwithHiraitoseeheroff.Now,sherubbedherstomachgently,andwhispered,‘Howwonderfulwasthat…’
WhileNagarewasenteringthecoffeemoneyintothecashregister,helookedsolemnlyatKeirubbingherstomachinthatway.
Iwonderifshecangiveitup?
WithoutNagare’sexpressionchanging,thebellechoedthroughoutthecafe.
Clang…Dong…
IV
MotherandChild
Whenitappearsinhaiku,thehigurashicicadaisatermdenotingtheseason,associatedwithautumn.Thementionofthehigurashi,therefore,evokesanimageofitshrillingattheendofsummer.Inreality,thisinsect’scrycanbeheardfromthebeginningofsummer.Somehow,though,whiletheshrillsoftheaburacicadaandthemin-mincicadaevoketheimagesofablazingsun,midsummer,andscorchingdays,thesongofthehigurashievokesimagesoftheeveningandthelatesummer.Whenthesunbeginstosetandtheduskgathers,thekana-kana-kanaofthehigurashievokesamelancholicmood,andonegetstheurgetohurryhome.
Inthecity,theshrillofthehigurashiisseldomheard.Thisisbecause,unliketheaburacicadaandthemin-mincicada,thehigurashilikesshadyplacessuchasthecanopyofaforest,orofcypressgrovesawayfromthesun.Butlivingnearourcafewasasinglehigurashicicada.Whenthesunstartedtoset,acontinualkana-kana-kanacouldbeheardcomingfromsomewhere,shrillingfleetinglyandweakly.Thiswassometimesaudibleinthecafe,thoughasthecafewasatbasementlevel,youhadtostrainyourearstohearit–itwasthatfaint.
ItwasonesuchAugustevening.Outside,theaburacicadawasloudlyshrilling,jeejeejee.Theweatherofficehadreportedthatthisdayhadbeenthehottestoftheyear.Butinthecafe,itwascooldespitethelackofairconditioning.KazuwasreadinganemailthatHiraihadsenttoNagare’sphone.
IhavebeenbackatTakakurafortwoweeksnow.Therearesomanynewthingstolearn.EverydayIamnearlyreducedtotears,it’ssotough.
‘Oh,shedoeshaveittough…’
ListeningtoKazuwereKohtakeandNagare.AsneitherKazunorKeihadaphone,itwasNagare’sphonethatreceivedallemailssenttothecafe.Kazudidn’thaveaphonebecauseshewasnotverygoodatmaintainingpersonalrelationships,andsawphonesandmeansofcommunicationasnothingmorethananuisance.Keididn’thaveaphonebecauseshecancelleditwhenshegotmarried.‘Onephoneisenoughforamarriedcouple,’shesaid.Incontrast,Hiraihadthreephones,eachforaparticularpurpose:forcustomers,forprivate,andforfamily.Onherfamilyphone,shehadsavedonlyherfamilyhomenumber,andhersisterKumi’snumber.Althoughnoonefromthecafeknewit,nowshehadaddedtwoextracontactsinherphonereservedforfamily:thecafeandNagare’smobile.Kazucontinuedtoreadouttheemail.
Thingsarestillabitawkwardwithmyparents,butIfeelreturninghomewasforthebest.IjustthinkthatifKumi’sdeathhadledtounhappinessforbothmeandmyparents,thenthatunhappinesswouldhavebeenheronlylegacy.
Sothat’swhyIintendtoleadalifethatcreatesamorewonderfullegacyforKumi’slife.IguessyouneverthoughtIcouldbesoserious.
Soanyway,I’mhappyandwell.Ifyougetachancepleasecomeandvisit.Althoughit’salreadycomeandgonethisyear,IhighlyrecommendtheTanabataFestival.Pleasesendmyregardstoeveryone.
YaekoHirai
Nagare,listeningattheentrancetothekitchenwithhisarmsfolded,narrowedhiseyesevenmorethanusual.Hewasprobablysmiling–itwasalwaysdifficulttoknowwhenhewassmiling.
‘Oh,isn’tthatwonderful,’Kohtakesaid,smilinghappily.Shemusthavebeenonabreakbetweenshiftsasshewaswearinghernurse’suniform.‘Hey,checkoutthephoto,’Kazusaid,showingKohtakethephotoattachedtotheemail.Kohtaketookthephoneinherhandssothatshecouldgetagoodlook.
‘Wow,shealreadylooksthepart…forsure,’shesaid,withahintofsurprise.
‘Doesn’tshe!’Kazuagreed,smiling.
Inthephoto,Hiraiwasstandinginfrontoftheinn.Withherhairinabun,shewaswearingapinkkimono,indicatingherstatusastheownerofTakakura.
‘Shelookshappy.’
‘Shedoes.’
Hiraiwassmilinglikeshedidn’thaveacareintheworld.ShehadwrittenthatthingswerestillawkwardbetweenherandherparentsbutstandingnexttoherwereherfatherYasuoandmotherMichiko.
‘AndKumitoo…’mutteredNagare,peeringatthephotofrombehind.
‘Kumi’snodoubthappyaswell.’
‘Yes,I’msuresheis,’Kohtakesaid,lookingatthephoto.Kazustandingbesideheralsogaveasmallnod.Shenolongerhadthecooldemeanourshehadwhileconductingtheritualforreturningtothepast.Herfacewasgentleandkind.
‘Bytheway,’KohtakesaidasshereturnedthephonetoKazu.Sheturnedandlookedoverdubiouslytowherethewomaninthedresswassitting.‘What’sshedoingoverthere?’
Itwasnotthewomaninthedressshewaslookingat,butFumikoKiyokawa,whowassittingonthechairoppositeher.ItwasFumikowhohadtravelledbacktothepastinthecafethatspring.Normallytheepitomeofaworkingwoman,todaymusthavebeenherdayoffasshewasdressedcasuallyinablackT-shirtwiththree-quarter-lengthsleevesandwhiteleggings.Onherfeetwerecordsandals.
FumikohadshowednointerestinHirai’semail.Instead,shewasstaringatthefaceofthewomaninthedress.Justwhatshewantedwasamystery.Kazuhadnoideaeither.
‘Iwondertoo,’wasallthatKazucouldreply.
Sincespring,Fumikohadoccasionallyvisitedthecafe.Whenshedid,shesatthereoppositethewomaninthedress.
SuddenlyFumikolookedatKazu.‘Um,excuseme,’shesaid.
‘Yes?’
‘Thereissomethingthat’sbeenbotheringme.’
‘Whatisit?’
‘Thiswholething,whereyougettransportedthroughtime.Couldyouvisitthefuturetoo?’
‘Thefuture?’
‘Yes,thefuture.’
HearingFumiko’squestion,Kohtake’scuriositywaspiqued.‘Yes,I’dbeinterestedtoknowthattoo.’
‘Iknow,right?!’Fumikoagreed.
‘Goingbacktothepastorgoingtothefuturearebothaboutbeingabletotravelthroughtime.SoIthoughtmaybeit’spossible?’Fumikocontinued.
Kohtakenoddedinagreement.
‘Soisitpossible?’Fumikoaskedwitheyesfullofexpectationandcuriosity.
‘Yeah,ofcourseyoucangotothefuture,’Kazubluntlyreplied.
‘Really?’Fumikoasked.Theninherexcitementsheaccidentallybumpedthetable,spillingthewomaninthedress’scoffee.Thewomantwitchedhereyebrowsandinagreatpanic,Fumikowipedthespilledcoffeewithanapkin–shedidn’twanttogetcursed.
‘Wow!’Kohtakeexclaimed.
Kazutookinbothwomen’sresponses.‘Butnoonegoes,’sheaddedcoolly.
‘What?’Fumikoasked,takenaback.‘Whyonearthwouldn’tthey?’shedemanded,drawingclosertoKazu.Surelyshewasn’ttheonlypersontowhomtheideaoftravellingtothefutureappealed–that’swhatshemeanttosay.Kohtakealsolookedasifshewantedtoknowwhynoonewent.HereyeswidenedandshelookedintentlyatKazu.KazulookedtoNagareandthenbackatFumiko.
‘Well,OK…Ifyouwanttogotothefuture,howmanyyearsforwarddoyouwanttogo?’
Despitethequestionapparentlyhavingcomefromnowhere,itseemedthatFumikohadalreadyconsideredthis.
‘Threeyearsfromnow!’Fumikoansweredimmediately,asifshehadbeenwaitingtobeasked.Herfaceturnedalittlered.
‘Youwanttomeetyourboyfriend?’Kazuenquired,apparentlyunmoved.
‘Well…SowhatifIdo?’Shestuckoutherjawasiftodefendherself,butherfacegrewredder.
AtthatpointNagareinterrupted.‘Noneedtobeembarrassedaboutit…’
‘I’mnothingofthesort!’sheretorted.ButNagarehadtouchedanerve,andbothheandKohtakewerelookingateachother,grinning.
Kazuwasnotinateasingmood.ShewaslookingatFumikowithherusualcoolexpression.Fumikopickeduptheseriousness.
‘That’snotpossible?’sheaskedinasmallvoice.
‘No,it’spossible…It’snotthatit’snotpossible,’Kazucontinued,inaflatmonotone.
‘But?’
‘Howcanyouknowthatinthreeyearshewillvisitthecafe?’
Fumikodidn’tappeartounderstandthepointofthequestion.
‘Don’tyousee?’KazuaskedFumiko,asifcross-examiningher.
‘Oh,’Fumikosaid,finallygettingit.Evenifshetravelledforwardintimebythreeyears,howcouldshepossiblybesurethatGorowouldbeinthecafe?
‘That’sthestickingpoint.What’shappenedinthepasthashappened.Youcantargetthatmomentandgobackthere.But…’
‘Thefutureiscompletelyunknown!’Kohtakesaid,clappingherhands,asifplayingonaquizshow.
‘Sure,youcantraveltothedayyouwishtogoto,butthereisnowayofknowingifthepersonyouwanttomeetisgoingtobethere.’
JudgingbyKazu’snonplussedexpression,theremusthavebeenlotsofotherpeoplewhohadponderedthesamething.
‘So,unlessyouarecountingonamiracle,ifyoudecideonatimeinthefutureandtraveltoit–forjustthatshorttimebeforethecoffeecools–thechancesofmeetingthepersonyouactuallywanttomeetareveryslim,’Nagareadded,asifheexplainedthissortofthingallthetime.HefinishedbylookingatFumikowithhisnarroweyesasking,YougetwhatI’msaying?
‘Sogoingwouldjustbeawasteoftime?’Fumikomutteredwithacceptance.
‘Exactly.’
‘Isee…’
Consideringhowseeminglysuperficialhermotivewas,Fumikoprobablyshouldhavebeenmoreembarrassed.Butshewassoimpressedwiththeair-tightnatureofthecafe’srulesthatitdidnotcrosshermindtoquestionKazu’sresponsefurther.
Shedidn’tsayanythingbutshethoughttoherself,Whenyoureturntothepast,youcannotchangethepresent.Goingtothefutureissimplyawasteoftime.Howconvenient.Icanseewhythatmagazinearticledescribedthecafe’stimetravelas‘meaningless’.
Butshewasn’tgoingtoavoidembarrassmentsoeasily.Nagarefurthernarrowedhiseyes,inquisitively.
‘Whatdidyouwanttodo?Makesureyouweremarried?’heteased.
‘Nothingofthesort!’
‘Ha!Knewit.’
‘No!Itoldyouit’snotthat!…Ugh!’
Themoreshedeniedit,thedeepertheholeFumikoseemedtobediggingherselfinto.
Butunfortunatelyforher,shewouldn’thavebeenabletotraveltothefutureanyway.Therewasonemoreannoyingrulepreventingthisfromoccurring:Apersonwhohassatonthechairtotravelthroughtimeoncecannotdoitasecondtime.Eachpersonreceivesonlyasinglechance.
ButIthinkitwouldbeeasiernottotellFumikothat,Kazuthought,assheobservedFumikochattinghappily.ThiswasnotoutofconsiderationforFumiko,butratherbecauseshewoulddemandareasonableexplanationforsucharule.
Ican’tbebothereddealingwiththat,Kazuthoughtsimply.
CLANG-DONG
‘Hello!Welcome!’
ItwasFusagi.Hewaswearinganavypoloshirt,beige-browntrousers,andsettasandals.Abaghungfromhisshoulder.Itwasthehottestdayoftheyear.Inhishand,heheldnotahandkerchiefbutasmallwhitetowel,whichhewasusingtowipehissweat.
‘Fusagi!’NagarecalledhisnameratherthanchantingthecustomergreetingofHello!Welcome!
Fusagifirstlookedabitconfused,butthengaveasmallnodinreplyandwenttositdownathisusualseat,atthetableclosesttotheentrance.Kohtake,withherhandsbehindherback,strolledupclosetohim.
‘Hello,darling!’shesaidwithasmile.ShenolongercalledhimFusagilikeshehadusedto.
‘I’msorry,doIknowyou?’
‘I’myourwife,mylove.’
‘Wife?…Mywife?’
‘Yes.’
‘Thisisajoke…Right?’
‘No.Ireallyamyourwife!’
Withouthesitation,sheslippedintotheseatfacinghim.Notsurehowtoreacttothisunknownwomanbehavinginsuchafamiliarmanner,helookedtroubled
‘Er,Iwouldpreferitifyoudidn’ttakethelibertyofsittingthere.’
‘Oh,it’sperfectlyfinethatIsithere…I’myourwife.’
‘Um,it’snotfinewithme.Idon’tknowyou.’
‘Wellthen,you’llhavetogettoknowme.Let’sstartnow.’
‘Whatonearthdoyoumean?’
‘Well,Iguessit’samarriageproposal?’
Whilehewasgapingatthiswomaninfrontofhim,shesattheresmiling.Visiblydistressed,hesoughtthehelpofKazu,whohadcometoservehimaglassofwater.
‘Um.Pleasecouldyoudosomethingaboutthiswoman?’
Ifyouwereastrangertakingaquickglance,youmightseeacoupleinagoodmood.ButifyoulookedharderatFusagi,youwouldseethefaceofamanindistress.
‘Helooksabitupset,’Kazusaid,offeringhimhersupportwithasmile.
‘Ishe?…Ohwell.’
‘Maybeit’sbesttoleaveitatthatfortoday?’Nagaresaidfrombehindthecounter,offeringalifeboat.
Similarconversationshadplayedoutbetweenthecoupleonseveraloccasions.Somedays,whenKohtaketoldFusagithatshewashiswife,hewouldrefusetobelieveit.Butoddlyonotherdaysitwasdifferent.Therewouldbetimeswhenhewouldsay,‘Oh?Really?’andacceptit.Justtwodaysearlier,shehadsatoppositehimandtheyhadhadwhatseemedtobeanenjoyableconversation.
Duringsuchconversationstheymainlytalkedabouttheirmemoriesoftravel.Fusagienjoyedtellingherabouthowhehadtravelledhere,orwherehehadvisitedthere.Shewouldlookathimwithasmileandadd,‘Iwenttheretoo,’andbothofthemwouldbecomeengrossedintheconversation.Shehadcometoenjoythiskindofcasualexchange.
‘Iguessso.I’llpickuptheconversationwhenwegethome,’shesaidandwentbacktosittingatthecounter,resignedtoleavingitatthatfornow.
‘Butyouseemhappywiththings,’Nagareobserved.
‘Oh,Isuppose.’
Despitethecooltemperatureofthecafe,Fusagicontinuedtowipethesweatforminginbeadsonhisface.
‘Coffee,please,’heorderedasheremovedthetravelmagazinefromhisshoulderbagandspreaditoutonthetable
‘OK,’Kazusaidwithasmile,anddisappearedintothekitchen.Fumikoonceagainbegantostareatthewomaninthedress.KohtakewasleaningforwardwithhercheeksrestingonherhandsandlookingatFusagi,whowaslookingdownatthemagazine,oblivioustothefactthathewasbeingwatched.Nagare,whilewatchingthesetwo,begantogrindcoffeeusingaretro-lookingcoffeemill.Thewomaninthedress,asalways,continuedtoreadhernovel.Asthearomaoffreshlygroundcoffeefilledthecafe,Keiappearedfromthebackroom.ThesightofhermadeNagarestop.
‘Goodgrief!’KohtakesaidwhenshesawKei’scomplexion.Shelookedverypale,almostbluish,andshewaswalkingasifshemightfaint.
‘AreyouOK?’Nagareaskedbrusquely,clearlyhorrifiedasthebloodseemedtohavedrainedfromhisfacetoo.
‘Ohdear,sis,Ithinkyou’dbetterresttoday,’Kazucalledoutfromthekitchen.
‘No,I’mOK.I’mfine,’Keisaid,tryingherhardesttolookbetter,butshecouldn’thidehowunwellshewas.
‘Youdon’tlooklikeyou’refeelingtoogoodtoday,’Kohtakesaid,standingupfromhercounterseatwhileassessingKei’scondition.‘Youshouldberesting,don’tyouthink?’
ButKeishookherhead.‘No,I’mfine.Really,’sheinsisted,makingapeacesignwithherfingers.
Butitwasplaintoseethatshewasn’t.
Keiwasbornwithaweakheart.Orderedbydoctorsnottotakepartinintensephysicalactivity,shewasneverabletotakepartinthingslikesportsdayswhenshewasatschool.Nevertheless,shewasnaturallysociableandfree-spirited–anexpertatenjoyinglife.Thiswasoneof‘Kei’stalentsforlivinghappily’,asHiraiwouldsay.
IfIamunabletodovigorousexercise,that’sOK–Iwon’tdovigorousexercise.Thatishowshethought.
Ratherthanjustsittingouttheracesonsportsdays,shewouldgetoneoftheboystopushherinawheelchair.Ofcoursetheyneverhadachanceofwinning,buttheygaveittheirallandalwaysseemedtobebitterlydisappointedwhentheylost.Indanceclass,shewouldmakeslowmovements,incompletecontrasttotheswingingandshakingtheothersweredoing.Doingthingsdifferentlyfromeveryoneelsewouldnormallyantagonizethosemakingsurenoonewentagainstthegrain,butnooneeverthoughtthatwaywithKei.Shewasalwayseveryone’sfriend;shehadthatsortofeffectonpeople.
Butirrespectiveofherstrengthofwillorcharacter,Kei’sheartoftenseemedtodeteriorate.Althoughneverforverylong,Keiwasoftenpulledoutofschoolandhospitalizedfortreatment.Itwasinhospital,infact,thatshemetNagare.
Shewasseventeenyearsoldandinhersecondyearofseniorhighschool.Whileinhospital,shewasconfinedtobed,soshegotherenjoymentfromtheconversationsshehadwithhervisitorsandthenurseswhocameintoherroom.Shealsoenjoyedstaringoutattheoutsideworldbeyondherwindow.Oneday,whilelookingoutthewindow,shesawinthehospitalgardenamanwhowasfullywrappedinbandagesfromheadtotoe.
Shecouldn’ttakehereyesoffhim.Notonlywasheentirelywrappedinbandages,buthewasalsosomuchbiggerthaneveryoneelse.Whenaschoolgirlwalkedinfrontofhimsheappearedtinybycomparison.Itwasperhapsrudetodoso,butKeicalledhimthemummymanandshecouldwatchhimalldaywithoutgettingbored.
Anursetoldherthatthemummymanhadbeenhospitalizedafteratrafficaccident.Hehadbeencrossingtheroadatanintersectionwhentherewasaminorcollisionbetweenacarandatruckjustbeforehiseyes.Heluckilyescapedthecollisionbutthesideofthetruckdraggedhimabouttwentymetresandthrewhimintoashopwindow.Theactualcarcrashwasminorandthepeopleinthecarweren’tinjured.Thetruck,however,haddrivenupontothekerbandtoppledover.Therewerenootherbystandershurt.Ifthesamethinghadhappenedtosomeoneofnormalbuild,itcouldhavemeantsuddendeath,butthelargemansoonpickedhimselfupasifnothinghadhappened.Ofcourse,thatwasfarfromtrue,andhewasabloodymess,bleedingeverywhere.Butdespitehiscondition,hestumbledtotheoverturnedtruckandcalledout,‘YouOK?’Petrolwasleakingfromthetruck.Thedriverwasunconscious.Thebigmanpulledthedriverfromthetruckandwhilecasuallycarryinghimoverhisshouldercalledouttooneoftheonlookersgatheredatthescene,‘Callanambulance!’Whentheambulancecame,theytookthebigmantoo.Hehadterriblebleedingfromallthecutsandgrazes,buthehadn’tbrokenanybones.
Afterhearingthemummyman’sbackgroundstory,Keigrewevenmoreintrigued.Itwasn’tlongbeforethisintriguehadgrownintoafull-blowncrush.Hebecameherfirstlove.Oneday,onanimpulse,shewenttomeethim.Whenshestoodbeforehim,hewasevenlargerthanshehadimagined.Itwaslikestandinginfrontofawall.‘Ithinkyou’rethemanIwanttomarry,’shedeclared,withoutreservationsorembarrassment.Shesaiditclearlyanddirectlytothemummyman–thefirstwordsshehadeverspokentohim.
Themummymanlookeddownatherandforawhilesaidnothing.Thenheofferedapragmaticyetnotentirelynegativereply.
‘You’llbeworkinginacafeifyoudo.’
Theirthreeyearsofdatingstartedthen,andfinallywhenKeiwastwentyandNagarewastwenty-three,theysignedtheregistrybooksandbecamehusbandandwife.
Keiwentbehindthecounterandbegandryingthedishesandputtingthemaway,asshealwaysdid.Thesiphoncouldbeheardbeginningtogurglefromthekitchen.KohtakecontinuedtolookatKeiwithconcern,butKazuslippedintothekitchenandNagareonceagainstartedgrindingcoffeebeanswiththemill.Forsomereason,unbeknownsttoeveryone,thewomaninthedresswascontinuingtostareatKei.
‘Oh,’Kohtakeexclaimedjustbeforethesoundofbreakingglasscouldbeheard.
TheglasshadfallenfromKei’shand.
‘Sis!AreyouOK?’Normallysocalmandcollectedunderanycircumstances,Kazucamerushingoutinapanic.
‘I’msorry,’Keisaid,beginningtopickupthebrokenglass.
‘Leaveit,Sis,I’lldoit,’KazusaidwhileproppingupKei,whowasbeginningtobuckleattheknees.
Nagaresaidnothingandwatched.
ItwasthefirsttimeKohtakehadseenKeiinsuchaseriouscondition.Beinganurse,shedealtwithillpeopleallthetime.Butseeingherfriendlookingsounwellshookhertothepointoftheblooddrainingfromherface.
‘Kei,darling,’shemuttered,
‘AreyouOK?’askedFumiko.
ItnaturallycaughtFusagi’sattentionaswell,andheliftedhishead.
‘I’msorry.’
‘IthinkKeishouldgotothehospital,’Kohtakeadvised.
‘No,I’llbeOK,really…’
‘ButIreallythink…’
Keishookherheadstubbornly.Butherchestwasheavingasshebreathed.Herconditionseemedworsethanshethought
Nagaresaidnothing.Hejustkeptlookingsombrelyathiswife.
Keitookadeepbreath.‘IthinkIhadbetterliedown,’shesaidandstaggeredtowardsthebackroom.ShehadgatheredfromNagare’sexpressionthathewasseriouslyconcernedabouthercondition.
‘Kazu,lookafterthecafe,please,’Nagaresaidashefollowedher.
‘Yeah,sure,’Kazureplied,standingstillasifhermindwaselsewhere.
‘Coffee,please.’
‘Oh!…Sorry.’
Fusagiobviouslyhadreadthemoodandhadbeenbitinghistongue,waitingtomakehisrequest.HispromptforcoffeebroughtKazubackfromherdaze.ShehadbeensocaughtupwithKei,shestillhadn’tservedFusagihiscoffee.
Thedayendedwiththisheavymoodstilllingering.
Sincebecomingpregnant,whenevershewasfree,Keiwouldtalktothebaby.Atfourweeks,itwasabitearlytobecallingitababy,butthatdidn’tdeterher.Inthemorningshewouldstartwith‘goodmorning’,andwhilecallingNagare‘Papa’,shewouldsetouttoexplaintheeventsoftheday.Shefoundtheseimaginaryconversationswithherbabythehighlightofanyday.
‘Canyousee?It’syourpapa!’
‘Myfather?’
‘Yes!’
‘He’shuge!’
‘Yes,buthedoesn’tonlyhaveahugebody.Hehasahugeheartaswell!Heisaverykind,lovingpapa.’
‘That’sgood!Ican’twait.’
‘PapaandMamacan’twaittoseeyoueither,mylove!’
Sowenttheseconversationsinwhich–ofcourse–Keiplayedbothroles.ButthesadrealitywasthatKei’sconditionwasworseningasherpregnancyprogressed.Atfiveweeks,asachasformedinsidetheuterusandinsidethereistheembryo,measuringoneortwomillimetres.Thisiswhenthebaby’sheartbeatbecomesdetectable.Fromthispointorgansbegintoformquickly:eyes,ears,andmouthdevelop;thestomach,intestines,lungs,pancreas,cerebralnerves,andaortaareformed;thehandsandfeetbegintoprotrude.AllthisearlyfoetaldevelopmentwastakingatollonKei’sphysicalcondition.
Shewasalsogettinghotflushesyetfeltlikeshehadafever.Thehormonesthatherbodywasproducinginordertocreatetheplacentaweremakingherfeellethargicandsubjecttostrongwavesofsuddendrowsiness.Thepregnancyaffectedhermood,whichwouldswingfromoneextremetoanother.Shewouldhaveperiodsofanxiety,shortburstsofanger,andthenfeeldepressed.Thereweretimeswhensomethingsseemedtotastedifferentfromnormal.
Despitethis,however,sheneveroncecomplained.Conditionedbyherregularspellsinhospitalsincechildhood,shenevercomplainedaboutherphysicalailments.
Butoverthecourseofthelastcoupleofdays,herconditionhadrapidlygrownworse.Twodaysearlier,Nagarehadtakenadvantageofabriefmomentalonewithherprimarydoctortodemandmoreinformation.Thedoctorhadconfidedinhim.
‘Frankly,yourwife’sheartmaybeunabletowithstandchildbirth.Morningsicknesswillbeginfromthesixthweek.Ifshegetsabadboutofmorningsickness,shewillneedtobehospitalized.Ifshechoosestohavethebaby,shehastorealizethatthepossibilitythatbothsheandherchildwillsurviveisverylow.Evenifsheandherbabysurvivethebirth,itwouldtakeatremendoustollonherbody.Shemustunderstandthatitwilldefinitelyreduceherlifespan.’
Headded,‘Normally,terminationsareperformedbetweensixandtwelveweeks.Inyourwife’scase,shouldshechoosetoendthepregnancy,itshouldbedoneasearlyaspossible…’
Afterreturninghome,NagareconfrontedKei,tellinghereverythingthathadbeensaid.Afterhehadfinished,Keisimplynodded.
‘Iknow,’wasallshesaid.
Afterclosingthecafe,Nagaresataloneatthecounter.Theroomwaslitonlybythewalllamps.Onthecounter,severalsmallpapercraneswerelinedup–madebyNagarefromafoldedpapernapkin.Theonlysoundthatcouldbeheardinsidethecafewasthetickingofthewallclocks.TheonlythingsmovingwereNagare’shands.
CLANG-DONG
Althoughthebellrangout,Nagareshowednoreaction.Hejustplacedthepapercranehehadfinishedfoldingonthecounterwiththerest.Kohtakewalkedintothecafe.ShehaddroppedbyonherwayhomefromworkbecauseshewasworriedaboutKei.
Nagare,whowasstaringatthepapercranesonthecounter,noddedhisheadslightly.
Kohtakestoodatthecafe’sentrance.‘How’sKeidoing?’sheasked.Shehadfoundoutthatshewaspregnantearlyon,butshehadneverthoughtitwouldcausehertodeterioratesorapidly.Shelookedjustasworriedasshehadearlierthatday.
Nagaredidn’tanswerstraightaway.Hetookasinglenapkinandbeganfoldingit.
‘She’smanagingsomehow,’hesaid.
Kohtakesatdownatthecounterleavingaseatbetweenthem.
Nagarescratchedthetipofhisnose.‘Sorrytocausesomuchworry,’hesaid,noddingapologeticallyashelookedoverather.
‘Youdon’thavetoworryaboutthat…butshouldn’tshebeinhospital?’
‘Itoldhersheshould,butshewon’tlisten.’
‘Yes,but…’
Hefinishedfoldingthepapercraneandstaredatit.
‘Iwasagainstherhavingthebaby,’hemutteredinafaintvoice.Ifthecafehadn’tbeensosmallandquiet,Kohtakewouldn’thaveheardit.‘Butnothingwillchangehermind,’hesaid,lookingatKohtakewithaslightsmileandthenlookingdown.
HehadtoldKeithathe‘wasagainst’theirhavingthebabybutthatwasasfarashewouldgo.Hecouldsayneither‘Don’thaveit’nor‘Iwantyoutohaveit.’Hecouldn’tchoosebetweenthem,choosingKeioverthebabyorchoosingthebabyoverKei.
Kohtakedidn’tknowwhattosay.Shelookedupattheceilingfanthatwasrotatinggently.
‘That’stough,’sheagreed.
Kazucameoutfromthebackroom.
‘Kazu…’Kohtakewhispered.
ButKazuavertedhergazefromKohtakeandlookedatNagare.Shewasn’thernormalunreadableself:sheseemedsadanddespondent.
‘Howisshe?’Nagareasked.
Kazulookedtowardsthebackroom.NagarefollowedhereyesandsawKeislowlyapproaching.Hercomplexionwasstillwhiteandshewalkedalittleunsteadily,butsheseemedtobeinmuchmorecontrol.ShewalkedbehindthecounterandstoodinfrontofNagarelookingathim,buthedidn’tlookback.Instead,hesimplystaredatthepapercranesonthecounter.AsneitherNagarenorKeispoke,thesilencebetweenthemgrewmoreawkwardbytheminute.Kohtakefeltunabletomove.
Kazuwentintothekitchenandbegantomakecoffee.Sheplacedthefilterinthefunnelandpouredhotwaterfromthekettleintotheflask.Aseverythingwassoquietinthecafe,itwaseasytotellwhatshewasdoing,eventhoughshewasoutofsight.Soonthecontentsoftheflaskbegantoboil,andagurglingsoundofhotwaterascendingthefunnelcouldbeheard.Afterafewminutesthearomaoffreshcoffeefilledthecafe.Asifrousedbythearoma,Nagarelookedup.
‘I’msorry,Nagare,’Keimumbled.
‘Whatfor?’Nagareasked,staringatthepapercranes.
‘I’llgotothehospitaltomorrow.’
‘…’
‘I’llgetadmitted.’Keisaideachwordtoherselfasiftryingtomakepeacewithsomethingshewasstillwrestlingwith.‘Tobehonest,onceIgointohospital,Idon’timagineI’llevercomehomeagain.It’sadecisionIhavebeenunabletomake…’
‘Isee.’Nagareclenchedhisfiststightly.
Keiliftedherchinandstaredwithherlargeroundeyesintospace.‘ButitseemsIcan’tgoonlikethisanylonger,’shesaidashereyesfilledwithtears.
Nagarelistenedquietly.
‘There’sonlysomuchmybodycantake…’
Keiplacedherhandsonherstomach,whichhadyettoexpandevenaninch.‘Itlookslikegivingbirthtothischildwilltakemyall…’shesaidwithaknowingsmile.Itseemedthatwhenitcametoherbody,sheknewbetterthananyone.
‘That’swhy…’
Nagarelookedatherwithhisnarroweyes.‘OK,’wasallthathecouldreply.‘Kei,darling…’
ThiswasthefirsttimethatKohtakehadseenKeiupsetlikethis.Asanurse,sheunderstoodtherealdangerthatshefacedinattemptingtobearababywithherheartcondition.Herbodyhadalreadybecomethisfrailwhileshewasstilljustapproachingthemorningsicknessphase.Ifshehadchosennottohavethebaby,noonewouldhaveblamedher,butshehaddecidedtogoahead.
‘ButI’mreallyscared,’Keimutteredinatremblingvoice.‘Iwonderifmychildwillbehappy.
‘WillMama’sbabybelonely?Willthatmakeyoucry?’Shetalkedtothechildasshealwaysdid.‘Imightonlybeabletohaveyou,mychild.Willyouforgiveme?’
Shelistened,butnoanswercame.
Astreamoftearsfloweddownhercheek
‘I’mscared…thethoughtofnotbeingthereformychildisfrightening,’shesaid,lookingdirectlyatNagare.‘Idon’tknowwhatIshoulddo.Iwantmychildtobehappy.Howcansuchasimplewishbesoterriblyscary?’shecried.
Nagaregavenoreply.Hejustgazedatthepapercranesonthecounter.
Flap.
Thewomaninthedressclosedhernovel.Shehadn’tfinishedit:awhitebookmarkwitharedribbontiedtoitwasleftinsertedbetweenthepages.Hearingthebookclose,Keilookedoverather.ThewomaninthedresslookedbackatKeiandjustwentonstaringather.
WithhereyesfixedonKei,thewomaninthedressgentlyblinkedjustonce.Thenshesmoothlygotupfromherseat.Itwasasifthatblinkhadbeenmeanttocommunicatesomething,yetshewalkedbehindNagareandKohtakeanddisappearedintothetoiletasifshewasbeingdrawninside.
Herseat–thatseat–wasvacant.
Keistartedwalkingtowardstheseatasifsomethingwaspullingherthere.Thenonceinfrontofthatseat–theonethatcansendyoutothepast–shestoodstaringatit.
‘Kazu…couldyoumakesomecoffee,please?’shecalledweakly.
HearingKei’srequest,Kazupokedherheadfromthekitchenandsawherstandingnexttothatseat.ShehadnoideawhatwasonKei’smind.
NagareturnedroundandsawKei’sback.‘Oh,comeon…You’renotserious?’hesaid.
Kazuspottedthatthewomaninthedresswasgone,andrememberedtheconversationfromearlierthatday.FumikoKiyokawahadasked,‘Couldyouvisitthefuturetoo?’
Fumiko’swishwassimple:shewantedtoknowwhetherornotinthreeyears,GorohadreturnedfromAmericaandtheyweremarried.Kazuhadsaidthatitcouldbedonebutthatnoonedecidedtogobecauseitwaspointless.ButthatwasexactlywhatKeiwantedtodo.
‘JustonelookisallIwant.’
‘Hangon.’
‘IfIcouldsee,forjustamoment,thatwouldbeenough…’
‘Doyouseriouslyintendongoingtothefuture?’Nagareasked,histonegrufferthanusual.
‘It’sallIcando…’
‘Butyoudon’tknowifyoucanmeet?’
‘…’
‘What’sthepointofgoingthereifyoudon’tmeet?’
‘Iunderstandthat,but…’
KeilookedpleadinglyintoNagare’seyes.
ButNagarecouldonlyproduceoneword.‘No,’hesaid.HeturnedhisbackonKeiandwithdrewintosilence.
NagarehadneverbeforestoodinthewayofKeidoinganything.Herespectedherinsistentanddeterminedpersonality.Hedidn’tevenarguestronglyagainstherdecisiontoputherlifeonthelinetohaveachild.Butheobjectedtothis.
Hewasn’tjustconcernedwithwhetherornotshewouldhaveherchild.Hethoughtthatifshewentintothefutureanddiscoveredthatthechilddidn’texist,theinnerstrengththathadbeensustainingherwouldbedestroyed.
Keistoodbeforethechair,weakbutdesperate.Shecouldn’twalkawayfromherdecision.Shewasnotgoingtoretreatfromherpositioninfrontofthatchair.
‘Ineedyoutodecidehowmanyyearsintothefuture,’Kazusaidsuddenly.Sheslidbesideherandclearedawaythecupthatthewomaninthedresshadbeendrinkingfrom.
‘Howmanyyears?Andwhatmonth,date,andtime?’sheaskedKei.ShelookeddirectlyintoKei’seyesandgaveasmallnod.
‘Kazu!’Nagareshoutedwithalltheauthorityhecouldmuster.ButKazuignoredhimandwithhertrademarkcoolexpressionsaid,‘Iwillremember.Iwillmakesureyoucanmeet…’
‘Kazu,sweetheart.’
Kazuwaspromisingherthatshewouldmakesureherchildwouldbethereinthecafeatthetimethatshechosetogotointhefuture.‘Soyoudon’thavetoworry,’shesaid.
Keigazedintohereyesandgavealittlenod.
KazuhadafeelingthatthedeteriorationinKei’sconditionoverthepastfewdayswasn’tdowntothephysicalchangesfromthepregnancyalone,butthatithadalsobeencausedbytheoverallstressofthesituation.Keiwasn’tafraidtodie.Heranxietyandsadnessstemmedfromthethoughtofnotbeingtheretoseeherchildgrowup.Thisweighedheavilyonherheart,andwassappingherphysicalstrength.Asherstrengthfaded,hersenseofanxietygrew.Negativityisfoodforamalady,onemightsay.KazufearedthatifKeicontinuedonthiscourse,herconditionwouldcontinuetoweakenasthepregnancyprogressedandthelivesofbothmotherandchildmightbelost.
AglimmerofpositivityreturnedtoKei’seyes.
Icanmeetmychild.
Itwasavery,verysmallhope.KeiturnedtolookatNagaresittingatthecounter.Hereyeslockedwithhis.
Hewassilentforamomentbutwithashortsigh,heturnedaway.‘Doasyouwish,’hesaid,turningonhisstoolsothathisbackwastoher.
‘Thankyou,’shesaidtohisback.
AftermakingsurethatKeiwasabletoslideinbetweenthetableandtheseat,Kazutookthecupthatthewomaninthedresshadusedanddisappearedintothekitchen.Keiinhaleddeeply,slowlyloweredherselfintotheseat,andclosedhereyes.Kohtakeheldherhandstogetherinfrontofherasifinprayer,whileNagarestaredsilentlyatthepapercranesinfrontofhim.
ThiswasthefirsttimeKeihadseenKazudefyNagare’swill.Outsidethecafe,Kazurarelyfeltcomfortabletalkingwithanyoneshehadn’tmetbefore.ShewenttoTokyoUniversityoftheArts,butKeihadneverseenherwithanyoneyoumightdescribeasafriend.Shenormallykepttoherself.Whennotinuniversity,shehelpedoutatthecafe,andwhenthatwasfinished,sheretiredtoherroom,whereshewouldworkonherdrawings.
Kazu’sdrawingswerehyper-realist.Usingonlypencils,shecreatedworksthatappearedastruetolifeasactualphotographs,butshecouldonlydrawthingsshecouldobserveherself;herdrawingsneverdepictedtheimaginaryortheinvented.Peopledon’tseethingsandhearthingsasobjectivelyastheymightthink.Thevisualandauditoryinformationthatentersthemindisdistortedbyexperiences,thoughts,circumstances,wildfancies,prejudices,preferences,knowledge,awareness,andcountlessotherworkingsofthemind.PabloPicasso’ssketchofanudemanthathedidatageeightisremarkable.ThepaintinghedidatagefourteenofaCatholiccommunionceremonyisveryrealistic.Butlater,aftertheshockofhisbestfriend’ssuicide,hecreatedpaintingsinshadesofbluethatbecameknownastheBluePeriod.ThenhemetanewloverandcreatedthebrightandcolourfulworksoftheRosePeriod.InfluencedbyAfricansculptures,hebecamepartofthecubistmovement.Thenheturnedtoaneoclassicalstyle,continuedontosurrealism,andeventuallypaintedthefamousworksTheWeepingWomanandGuernica
Takentogether,theseartworksshowtheworldasseenthroughPicasso’seyes.TheyaretheresultofsomethingpassingthroughthefilterthatisPicasso.Untilnow,Kazuhadneversoughttochallengeorinfluencepeople’sopinionsorbehaviour.Thiswasbecauseherownfeelingsdidn’tformpartofthefilterthroughwhichsheinteractedwiththeworld.Whateverhappened,shetriednottoinfluenceitbykeepingherselfatasafedistance.ThatwasKazu’splace–itwasherwayoflife.
Thiswashowshetreatedeveryone.Hercooldispositionwhenhandlingcustomerswishingtogobacktothepastwasherwayofsaying,‘Yourreasonsforgoingbacktothepastarenoneofmybusiness.’Butthiswasdifferent.Shehadmadeapromise.ShewasencouragingKeitogotothefuture,andheractionswerehavingadirectinfluenceonKei’sfuture.ItcrossedKei’smindthatKazumusthaveherreasonsforherout-of-characterbehaviour,butthosereasonswerenotimmediatelyapparent.
‘Sis.’KeiopenedhereyestoKazu’svoice.Standingnexttothetable,Kazuwasholdingasilvertrayuponwhichwassetawhitecoffeecupandasmallsilverkettle.
‘AreyouOK?’
‘Yes,I’mfine.’
KeicorrectedherpostureandKazuquietlyplacedthecoffeecupinfrontofher.
Howmanyyearsfromnow?shepromptedsilentlywithasmalltiltofthehead.Keithoughtforamoment.
‘Iwanttomakeittenyears,on27August,’shedeclared.
WhenKazuheardthedate,shegavealittlesmile.
‘OKthen,’shereplied.27AugustwasKei’sbirthday:adatethatneitherKazunorNagarewouldforget.‘Andthetime?’
‘Threeintheafternoon,’Keirepliedinstantly.
‘Intenyearsfromnow,on27August,atthreeintheafternoon.’
‘Yes,please,’Keisaid,smiling.
Kazugaveasmallnodandgrippedthehandleofthesilverkettle.‘Right,then.’Sheresumedhernormalcoolpersona.
KeilookedoveratNagare.‘Seeyousoon,’shecalled,soundingclear-minded
Hedidn’tlookback.‘Yeah,OK.’
DuringKeiandNagare’sexchange,Kazupickedupthekettleandhelditstillabovethecoffeecup.
‘Drinkthecoffeebeforeitgoescold,’shewhispered.
Thewordssoundedthroughoutthesilentcafe.Keicouldfeelthetensionintheroom.
Kazubeganpouringthecoffee.Anarrow,blackstreamflowedfromthesmallopeningofthekettle’sspout,slowlyfillingthecup.Kei’sgazewasfixednotonthecupbutonKazu.Whenthecoffeehadreachedthetop,Kazunoticedhergazeandsmiledwarmlyasiftosay,‘Iwillmakesureyouwillmeet…’
Ashimmeringplumeofsteamrosefromthefullcupofcoffee.Keifeltherbodyshimmeringasifitweresteam.Inamoment,shehadbecomeaslightasacloudandeverythingaroundherhadbeguntoflowasifshewereinthemiddleofafilmplayingonfast-forward.
Normallyshewouldhavereactedtothisbygazingatthepassingscenerywiththesparklyeyesofachildatanamusementpark.Butsuchwashermoodrightnowthathermindwasclosedevenfromappreciatingsuchaweirdexperience.Nagarehadputhisfootdowninopposition,butKazuhadsteppeduptogiveherachance.Nowshewaswaitingtomeetherchild.Surrenderingtotheshimmeringdizziness,shebroughttomindherownchildhood.
Kei’sfather,MichinoriMatsuzawa,alsohadaweakheart.HecollapsedatworkwhileKeiwasingradethreeatelementaryschool.Afterthat,hewasfrequentlyinandoutofhospital,untilhedepartedjustoneyearlater.Keiwasnineyearsold,anaturallysociablechildwhowasalwayshappyandsmiling.Andyetatthesametime,shewassensitiveandhighlystrung.Herfather’sdeathleftherinadarkplaceemotionally.Shehadencountereddeathforthefirsttime,andreferredtoitastheverydarkbox.Onceyouclimbedinsidethatbox,younevergotout.Herfatherwastrappedinthere–aplacewhereyouencounterednoone,awfulandlonely.Whenshethoughtofherfather,hernightswererobbedofsleep.Gradually,hersmilefaded.
HermotherTomako’sreactiontoherhusband’sdeathwastheoppositeofKei’s.Shespentherdayswithapermanentsmile.Shehadneverreallyhadabrightdisposition.SheandMichinoriseemedanunexcitingandordinarymarriedcouple.Tomakohadcriedatthefuneralbutafterthatday,shenevershowedamiserableface.Shesmiledfarmorethanshehaddonebefore.Keicouldn’tunderstandatallwhyhermotherwasalwayssmiling.Sheaskedher,‘WhyareyousohappywhenDadisdead?Aren’tyousad?’
Tomako,whoknewthatKeidescribeddeathastheverydarkbox,answered,‘Well,ifyourfathercouldseeusfromthatverydarkbox,whatdoyousupposehewouldbethinking?’
WithnothingbutthekindestofthoughtsforKei’sfather,TomakowastryingherbesttoanswertheaccusatoryquestionthatKeiwasasking:‘Whyareyousohappy?’
‘Youfatherdidn’tgointhatboxbecausehewantedto.Therewasareason.Hehadtogo.Ifyourfathercouldseefromhisboxandseeyoucryingeveryday,whatdoyouthinkhewouldthink?Ithinkitwouldmakehimsad.Youknowhowmuchyourfatherlovedyou.Don’tyouthinkitwouldbepainfulforhimtoseetheunhappyfaceofsomeoneheloved?Sowhydon’tyousmileeverydaysothatyourfathercansmilefromhisbox?Oursmilesallowhimtosmile.Ourhappinessallowsyourfathertobehappyinhisbox.’Onhearingthisexplanation,Kei’seyeswelledupwithtears
HuggingKeitightly,Tomako’seyesglistenedwiththetearsthatshehadkepthiddensincethefuneral.
Nextitwillbemyturntogointothebox…
Keiunderstoodforthefirsttimehowharditmusthavebeenforherfather.Herhearttightenedatthethoughtofhowdevastatedhemusthavebeen,knowingthathistimewasupandthathehadtoleavehisfamily.Butbyfinallytakingintoaccountherfather’sfeelings,shealsounderstoodmorefullythegreatnessofhermother’swords.Sherealizedthatonlyadeeploveandunderstandingofherhusbandwouldhaveallowedhermothertosaythosethings.
Afterawhile,everythingaroundhergraduallyslowedandsettled.Shetransformedfromsteambackintobodilyform,changingshapebackintoKei.
ThankstoKazu,shehadarrived–tenyearsinthefuture.Thefirstthingshedidwastolookaroundtheroomcarefully.
Thethickwallpillarsandthewoodenbeamcrossingtheceilingwerealustrousdarkbrown,thecolourofchestnuts.Onthewallswerethethreelargewallclocks.Thetanwallsweremadeofearthenplasterwiththepatinaleftbymorethanonehundredyears;shethoughtitwaswonderful.Thedimlightingthatcolouredtheentirecafewithasepiahue–evenduringtheday–gavenosenseoftime.Theretroatmosphereofthecafehadacomfortingeffect.Above,therewasawoodenceilingfan,rotatingslowlywithoutasound.Therewasnothingtotellherthatshehadarrivedtenyearsintothefuture.
However,thetear-offcalendarnexttothecashregistershowedthatitwasindeed27August,andKazu,Nagare,andKohtake,whohadbeeninthecafewithheruntilmomentsago,werenownowheretobeseen.
Intheirplace,amanstoodbehindthecounter,staringather.
Shewasconfusedtoseehim.Hewaswearingawhiteshirt,blackwaistcoat,andbowtie,andhehadastandard,short-back-and-sideshairstyle.Itwasclearthatheworkedinthecafe.Hewasstandingbehindthecounterforonething,andhedidn’tappearsurprisedthatKeihadjustsuddenlyappearedinthechair,sohemusthaveknownaboutthespecialnatureoftheseatshewassittingin.
Hedidnotsayanything,justkeptstaringatKei.Tonotengagewiththepersonwhohadappearedwaspreciselyhowastaffmemberwouldbehave.Afterawhile,themanbegansqueakilypolishingtheglasshewasholding.Helookedasifhewasinhislatethirties,maybeearlyforties–hejustlookedlikeastandard-issuewaiter.Hedidn’thavethefriendliestofmanners,andtherewasalargeburnscarrunningfromabovehisrighteyebrowtohisrightear,whichgavehimaratherintimidatingair.
‘Um,excuseme…’
NormallyKeiwasn’tthetypetoworrywhetherapersonwasapproachableornot.Shecouldbeginaconversationwithanyoneandaddressthemasiftheyhadbeenfriendsforyears.Butatthatmomentshewasfeelingalittleconfusedbyeverything.Shespoketothemanasifshewasaforeignerstrugglingwithasecondlanguage.
‘Um,where’sthemanager?’
‘Themanager?’
‘Thecafemanager,ishehere?’
Themanbehindthecounterreturnedthepolishedglasstotheshelf.
‘Thatwouldbeme,Iguess…’hereplied.
‘What?’
‘I’msorry,whatisit?’
‘Youare?You’rethemanager?’
‘Yes.’
‘Ofhere?’
‘Yes.’
‘Ofthiscafe?’
‘Yes.’
‘Really?’
‘Yep.’
Thatcan’tberight!Keileanedbackinsurprise.
Themanbehindthecounterwasstartledbyherresponse.Hestoppedwhathewasdoingandcameoutfrombehindthecounter.‘What–what’swrong,exactly?’hesaid,clearlyrattled.Perhapsitwasthefirsttimesomeonehadreactedinsuchawaytolearninghewasthemanager.ButKei’sexpressionseemedoverthetop.
Keiwastryinghardtomakesenseofthesituation.Whathadhappenedduringthesetenyears?Shecouldn’tworkouthowthiscouldbe.Shehadsomanyquestionsforthemaninfrontofher,butherthoughtswereajumbleandtimewasoftheessence.Thecoffeewouldgocoldandherdecisiontocometothefuturewouldhavebeeninvain.
Shecollectedherself.Shelookedupattheman,whowaspeeringatherwithconcern.
Imustcalmmyself…
‘Um…’
‘Yes?’
‘Whataboutthepreviousmanager?’
‘Previousmanager?’
‘Youknow.Reallybigguy,narroweyes…’
‘Oh,Nagare…’
‘Right!’
ThemanatleastknewNagare.Keifoundherselfleaningforward.
‘NagareisinHokkaidorightnow.’
‘Hokkaido…’
‘Yes.’
Sheblinkedinamazement,sheneededtohearitasecondtime.‘Huh?Hokkaido?’
‘Yes.’
Shebegantofeeldizzy.Itwasn’tgoingasshehadplanned.SinceshehadknownNagare,neveroncehadhementionedanythingaboutHokkaido.
‘Butwhy?’
‘Well,thatIcan’tanswer,’themansaidasherubbedtheskinabovehisrighteyebrow.
Shefeltutterlyrattled.Nothingwasmakingsense.
‘Oh,wasityourplantomeetNagare?’
UnawareofKei’smission,themanhadguessedwrongly,butshehadlostthewilltoanswer.Itwasallfutile.Shewasneververygoodatthinkingaboutthingsrationally;shealwaysmadeherdecisionsinlifeguidedbyintuition.Sowhenfacedwithasituationlikethis,shewasatalosstounderstandwhatwasgoingon,orhowitcouldhavehappened.Shehadthoughtthatifshecouldgotothefuture,shecouldmeetherchild.Ashermoodbegantosink,themanasked,‘Then,youcametomeetKazu?’
‘Aha!’Keishouted,suddenlyseeingnewhope.
Howcouldshehaveforgotten!Shehadfocusedonaskingthemanaboutthemanager,butshehadforgottensomethingimportant:itwasKazuwhohadencouragedhertogotothefuture;itwasshewhohadmadethepromise.Itdidn’tmatterifNagarewasinHokkaido.AslongasKazuwashere,therewasnoproblem.Keitriedtocontainhersurgingexcitement.
‘WhataboutKazu?’shequicklyasked.
‘What?’
‘Kazu!IsKazuhere?’
Ifthemanhadbeenstandinganycloser,Keiprobablywouldhavegrabbedhimbyhisshirtfront.
Herintensitycompelledhimtotakeacoupleofstepsback.
‘Isshehereornot?’
‘Um,look…’Themanavertedhisgaze,overwhelmedbyKei’squick-firequestioning.
‘Thetruthis…KazuisinHokkaidoaswell,’themanrepliedcarefully.
That’sitthen…Theman’sreplyhadcompletelydashedherhopes.
‘Ohno,notevenKazuishere?’
HelookedwithconcernatKei.Shelookedasifherspirithadbeentotallysappedfromher.
‘Areyouallright?’heasked.
Keilookedupatthemanwithalookthatsaid,‘Isn’titperfectlyobvious?’buthehadnoideaabouthersituation,andsotherewasnothingshecouldsay.
‘Yeah,I’mfine…’shesaiddejectedly.
Themantiltedhisheadinconfusionandwalkedbackbehindthecounter.
Keibeganrubbingherstomach.
Idon’tknowwhy,butifthosetwoareinHokkaido,thenthischildmustbewiththemtheretoo…Itdoesn’tlooklikeit’sgoingtohappen.
Shedroppedhershoulders,slumpingdespondently.Itwasalwaysgoingtobeagamble.Ifluckwasonherside,theywouldmeet.Keihadknownthat.Ifmeetingpeopleinthefuturewassoeasy,thenmorepeoplewouldbetryingit.
Forexample,ifFumikoKiyokawaandGorohadpromisedtomeetatthecafeinthreeyears’time,thenofcourse,itwaspossibletheywouldmeet.Butforthistohappen,Gorowouldhavetokeephispromisetocome.Thereweremanyreasonsforbeingunabletokeepsuchapromise.Hecouldtrytodrivebutgetstuckintraffic,orhecoulddecidetowalkbutgetdivertedbyroadworks.Hemightgetstoppedandaskedfordirections,orlosehisway.Theremightevenbeasuddentorrentialdownpouroranaturaldisaster.Hemightsleepinorsimplymixupthetimetheywereduetomeet.Inotherwords,thefutureisuncertain.
Withthisinmind,whateverthereasonforNagareandKazubeinginHokkaido,itfellwithintherangeofthingsthatcanhappen.Hokkaidowasathousandkilometresawayanditwasashocktoheartheyhadgonesofar.Butevenifthey’donlybeenonetrainstopaway,theywouldstillhavebeenunabletogetbacktothecafebeforethecoffeewentcold.
Supposewhenshereturnedtothepresent,sheconveyedthisturnofevents,itwouldnotchangethefactthattheywereinHokkaido–Keiknewtherule.Herluckhadrunout.Itwasassimpleasthat.Afterthinkingthingsover,shebegantofeelmorecollected.Shepickedupthecupandtookasip.Thecoffeewasstillprettywarm.Shecouldswitchmoodsquickly:anotheroneofhertalentsforlivinghappily.Herupsanddownscouldbeextreme,buttheyneverlingered.Itwasashamethatshecouldn’tmeetherchild,butshehadnoregrets.Shehadfollowedherwishesandhadmanagedtotraveltothefuture.Shewasn’tcrosswithKazuorNagareeither.Theysurelyhadagoodreason.Itwasinconceivablethattheywouldn’thavedonetheirbesttobetheretomeether.
Forme,thepromisewasmadejustafewminutesago.Here,itistenyearslater.Ohwell…itcan’tbehelped.WhenIgoback,Imayaswellsaythatwemet…
Keireachedoutforthesugarpotsittingonthetable.
CLANG-DONG
Justasshewasplanningtoaddsugartohercoffee,thebellrang,andoutofhabit,shewasabouttoyell,‘Hello,welcome!’whenthemansaiditbeforeher.
Keibitherlipandlookedovertotheentrance.
‘Oh,it’syou,’themancalled.
‘Hi,I’mback,’saidagirlwholookedlikeshemightbeinjuniorhighschool,fourteenorfifteenyearsold.Shewaswearingsummerclothes:asleevelesswhiteshirtwithcroppeddenimtrousersandcordsandals.Herhairwasneatlydoneupinaponytailfastenedwitharedhairclip.
Ohthegirlfromtheotherday
Keirecognizedherassoonasshesawherface.Itwasthegirlwhohadcomefromthefutureandaskedtohavetheirphototakentogether.Shewaswearingwinterclothesatthetime,andhadherhaircutshort,soshelookedalittledifferent.ButKeirememberedhowshehadbeenstruckbythosebigsweeteyes.
Sothisiswherewemeet.
Keinoddedinunderstanding,andfoldedherarms.Onthatoccasion,shehadthoughtitweirdtohaveavisitorshedidn’trecognize,butnowitmadesense.
‘Wehadaphototakentogether,didn’twe?’shesaidtothegirl.
Butthegirl’sfaceshowedapuzzledexpression.
‘I’msorry,whatareyoutalkingabout?’sheaskedtentatively.
Keirealizedhererror.
Oh,Isee…
Thegirlmustcomeafterthismeeting.Herquestionobviouslywouldn’tmakeanysenseinthatcase.
‘Oh,forgetIsaidthat,it’snothing,’shesaidsmilingtothegirl.Butthegirlseemedunnerved.Shegaveapolitelittlenodanddisappearedintothebackroom.
Well,thatmakesmefeelbetter.
Keifeltmuchhappiernow.ShehadcometothefutureonlytofindKazuandNagaregoneandintheirplaceamanshedidn’trecognize.Shehadbeguntofeeldepressedattheprospectofreturninghomewithnothinghavingturnedoutasshe’dimagined.Butthatallchangedwhenthegirlappeared.
Shetouchedhercuptocheckthatitwasstillwarm.
Wemustbecomefriendsbeforethiscoffeecools.
Thinkingthis,ahearteningfeelingofelationfilledherchest–anencounterbetweenpeopletenyearsapart.
Thegirlcamebackintothecafe.
Oh…
Shewasholdingawine-redapron.
That’stheapronIused!
Keihadn’tforgottenheroriginalaim.Butshewasn’tthetypetostewoverthingsthatweren’tgoingtohappen.Shealteredherplan:shewouldbefriendthisinterestinggirl.Themanpeeredoutfromthekitchenandglancedatthegirlwiththeapron.
‘Oh,youdon’thavetohelpouttoday.Afterall…There’sjustthatonecustomer.’
Butthegirlgavenoreplyandstoodbehindthecounter.
Themandidn’tseemintentonpressingtheissueandwithdrewintothekitchen.Thegirlbegantowipethecounter.
Hey!Lookthisway!
Keiwasdesperatelytryingtoattractthegirl’sattentionbyrockingherbodyleftandright,butthegirldidn’tlookupatheronce.ThisdidnotdouseKei’senthusiasm.
Ifsheishelpinghere,perhapsthatmeanssheisthemanager’sdaughter?
Keiconsideredsuchpossibilities.
Beep-boopbeep-boop…Beep-boopbeep-boop
Thedisruptivesoundofaphoneringingcouldbeheardfromthebackroom.
‘I’ve…’Keisuddenlyfoughtthehard-wiredresponsetoanswerthephone.Itmayhavebeentenyearslaterbutthesoundofaphonewasunchanged.
Oh…Becareful…Thatwasclose…
Shealmostbroketheruleandlefttheseat.Shewasabletoleavetheseatbutifsowouldhavebeenforcefullyreturnedtothepresent.
Themancameoutfromthekitchencalling,‘I’vegotit,’andwentintothebackroomtoanswerthephone.Keimadeanexaggeratedgestureofwipingherbrowandgaveasighofrelief.Sheheardthemantalking.
‘Yes,hello?Ohhi!Yes,sheis…Oh,right.OK,hangon.I’llgether…’
Themansuddenlycameoutfromthebackroom.
Hmm?
ThemanbroughtthephonetoKei.
‘Phone,’hesaidashehandedKeithehandset.
‘Forme?’
‘It’sNagare.’
OnhearingNagare’sname,shepromptlytookthephone.
‘Hello!WhyareyouinHokkaido?Canyouexplaintomewhat’sgoingon?’shesaid,inavoiceloudenoughtoresoundthroughoutthecafe.
Theman,stillnotgraspingthesituation,tiltedhisheadinconfusionandreturnedtothekitchen.
Thegirlshowednoresponse,asifshewasoblivioustoKei’sloudvoice.Shesimplycontinueddoingwhatshewasdoing.
‘What’sthat?There’snotime?I’mtheonewithnotime!’Evenasshewastalkingthecoffeewascooling.‘Icanhardlyhearyou!What?’Shewasholdingthehandsettoherleftearwhilepluggingherrightearwithherotherhand.Forsomereason,therewasaterribleracketinthebackgroundontheotherendofthelinewhichmadeitdifficulttohearanything.
‘What?Aschoolgirl?’ShecontinuedtogetNagaretorepeatwhathewassaying.‘Yes,she’shere.Theonewhovisitedthecafeabouttwoweeksago;shecamefromthefuturetogetaphotowithme.Yes,yes.Whatabouther?’sheaskedlookingatthegirl,who,whileavertinghergaze,hadstoppedwhatshewasdoing.
Iwonderwhyshelookssonervous?Keithoughtastheconversationcontinued.Itwasbotheringher,butshehadtofocusonlisteningtotheimportantinformationNagarewasgivingher.
‘LikeItoldyou,Icanhardlyhearwhatyou’resaying.Eh?What?Thatgirl?’
Ourdaughter.
Justatthatmoment,themiddlewallclockbegantochime,dong,dong…tentimes.
ItwasthenthatKeifirstrealizedwhatthetimewas.Thetimeshehadarrivedatinthefuturewasnotthreeintheafternoon.Itwasteninthemorning.Thesmilefellfromherface.
‘Oh,OK.Right,’sherepliedinaweakvoice.Shehungupandplacedthehandsetonthetable.
Shehadbeenlookingforwardtospeakingtothegirl.Butnowherexpressionwaspaleanddrawn,withoutanyremnantsofthatbrightexpectantlookthatexistedjustmomentsbefore.Thegirlhadstoppedwhatshewasdoingandalsolookedcompletelyspooked.Keislowlyreachedoutandheldthecuptocheckthetemperatureofthecoffee.Itwasstillwarm.Therewastimeleftbeforeitwascompletelycold.
Sheturnedandlookedatthegirlagain
Mychild…
Therealizationthatshewasnowfacetofacewithherchildhithersuddenly.Thestatichadmadethephonecalldifficulttohearbutshehadgotthegistofit.
Youplannedtotraveltenyearsintothefuture,buttherewassomekindofmistakeandyoutravelledfifteenyears.Itseemstenyears15.00andfifteenyears10.00weremixedup.Weheardaboutitwhenyoureturnedfromthefuturebutrightnow,weareinHokkaidoforunavoidablereasonsthatIwon’tgointobecausethere’snotime.Thegirlyou
Afterhavingsaidallthat,NagaremusthavebeenworriedaboutthetimeKeihadleft,andhesimplyhunguponher.Havinglearnedthatthegirlinfrontofherwasherdaughter,Keisuddenlyhadnoideahowtotalktoher.
Morethanconfusionandpanic,shefeltastrongsenseofregret.
Whatsheregrettedwasprettysimple.Shewasinnodoubtthatthegirlknewshewashermother.ButKeihadassumedthegirlwassomeoneelse’sdaughter–theagedifferencehadbeentoobig.Althoughshedidn’tpayanyattentiontoituntilnow,Keisuddenlyheardthesoundofthetickinghandsofthewallclocks.Theyseemedtobesaying,‘Tick-tocktick-tock,thecoffeeisgoingcold!’Therewasindeednotime.
ButKeisawinthegirl’ssullenexpressionananswertothequestionshewantedtoaskbuthadn’tmanagedto:CanyouforgivemethatallIcoulddowastobringyouintothisworld?anditcastashadowoverherheart.Shestruggledtothinkwhattosay.
‘What’syourname?’sheasked.
Butwithoutrespondingtothesimplequestion,thegirlbowedherheadinsilence.
Keiinterpretedthisasfurtherproofthatsheblamedher.Unabletobearthesilence,shealsobowedherhead.Then
‘Miki…’Thegirlofferedhernameinasmall,sad,andweak-soundingvoice.
Keiwantedtoasksomuch.ButfromhearinghowfaintMiki’svoicewas,shegottheimpressionthatshewasreluctanttospeaktoher.
‘Miki,oh,that’snice…’wasallshemanagedinresponse.
Mikisaidnothing.Instead,shelookedatKeiasifshedidn’tlikeherreactionandrushedtowardsthebackroom.Atthatmoment,themanpokedhisheadoutfromthekitchen.
‘Miki,areyouOK?’hecalled,butMikiignoredhimandvanishedintothebackroom.
CLANG-DONG
‘Hello,welcome!’
Awomanenteredthecafejustasthemanofferedhisgreeting.Shewaswearingashort-sleevedwhiteblouse,blacktrousers,andawine-redapron.Shemusthavebeenrunninginthehotsunasshewasoutofbreathandsweatingprofusely.
‘Ah!’Keirecognizedher.Oratleast,shewasstillrecognizable.
Lookingatthepantingwoman,though,Keigotarealsensethatfifteenyearshadpassed.ItwasFumikoKiyokawa,thewomanwhojustearlierthatdayhadaskedKeiifshewasOK.Fumikohadhadaslimbuildthenbutnowshewasquiteround.
FumikonoticedthatMikiwasn’tthere.‘WhereisMiki?’sheaskedtheman.
ShemusthaveknownthatKeiwasgoingtocomeatthistimetoday.Shehadthatsenseofurgency.Themanwasobviouslyflusteredbyhertone.
‘Intheback,’heanswered.Hestilldidn’tunderstandwhatwasgoingon.
‘Why?’sheaskedassheslappedherhandonthecounter.
‘What?’hesaidunapologetically.Hestartedrubbingthescarabovehisrighteyebrow,confusedastowhyhewasbeingblamed.
‘Idon’tbelievethis,’shesighed,glaringattheman.Butshedidn’twanttowastetimeonaccusations.Shewasalreadyatfaultforbeinglateforsuchanimportantevent.
‘Soyou’relookingafterthecafe?’Keiaskedinaweakvoice.
‘Uh,yeah,’Fumikoanswered,lookingdirectlyather.‘DidyoutalktoMiki?’
ItwasastraightforwardenoughquestionthatKeifeltuncomfortableanswering.Shejustlookeddown.
‘Didyouhaveapropertalk?’Fumikopressed.
‘Oh,Idon’tknow…’Keimumbled
‘I’llgoandcallher.’
‘No,it’sOK!’Keisaidmoreclearly,haltingFumiko,whowasalreadymakingherwaytothebackroom.
‘Whydoyousaythat?’
‘It’senough,’Keisaidwithastruggle.‘Wesaweachother’sfaces.’
‘Oh,comeon.’
‘Shedidn’tseemlikeshewantedtomeet…’
‘Oh,shedoesso!’Fumikosaid,contradictingKei.‘Mikihasreallywantedtomeetyou.Shehasbeenlookingforwardtothisdayforsolong…’
‘IjustthinkImusthavecausedhersomuchsadness.’
‘Ofcoursetherehavebeentimeswhenshe’sbeendown.’
‘Ithoughtasmuch…’
Keireachedoutforthecoffeecup.Fumikosawherdoingit.
‘Soyou’rejustgoingtogobackandleavethingsastheyare?’shesaid,realizingshewasfailingtoconvincehertostay.
‘CouldyoujusttellherthatIsaidI’msorry…’
AtKei’swordsFumiko’sexpressionturnedsuddenlygrim.‘Butthat’s…butIdon’tthinkyoumeanthat.DoyouregretgivingbirthtoMiki?Can’tyouseethatsayingsorrycanonlymeanthatitwasyourmistaketohaveher?’
Ihaven’tgivenbirthtoheryet.Ihaven’t.ButIhavenosecondthoughtsaboutmydecisiontodoso.
OnseeingKeiclearlyshakeherheadinresponse,Fumikosaid,‘LetmecallMiki.’
Keicouldn’treply.
‘I’llgoandgether.’
Fumikodidn’twaitforKeitoreply.Shesimplydisappearedintothebackroom,wellawarethattimewasoftheessence.
‘Hey,Fumiko,’saidthemanashefollowedherintothebackroom.
Oh,whatamItodo?
Leftaloneinthecafe,Keistaredatthecoffeeinfrontofher.
Fumikoisright.Butthatjustseemstomakeitmoredifficulttoknowwhattosay.
ThenMikiappeared;Fumikohadherhandsonhershoulders.
RatherthanatKei,Miki’seyesweredirectedatthefloor.
‘Comeon,sweetie,don’twastethismoment,’Fumikosaid.
Miki..
Keimeanttospeakhernameoutloud,butnovoicecame.
‘OKthen,’Fumikosaid,liftingherhandsfromMiki’sshoulders.ShelookedquicklyatKeiandthenretreatedtothebackroom.
EvenafterFumikohadgone,Mikicontinuedtolookdownatthefloorinsilence.
I’mgoingtohavetosaysomething..
Keiremovedherhandfromthecupandtookabreath.‘So.Areyouwell?’sheasked.
MikiliftedherheadalittleandlookedatKei.‘Yes,’shesaidinaquiet,tentativevoice.
‘Youhelpouthere?’
‘Yeah.’
Miki’sanswerswerebluntandmonosyllabic.Keiwasfindingitdifficulttocontinuetalking.
‘BothNagareandKazuareinHokkaido?’
‘Yeah.’
MikicontinuedtoavoidlookingatKei’sface.Eachtimesheanswered,shespokealittlemoresoftly.Theredidn’tseemtobemuchshewantedtotalkabout.
Withoutgivingitmuchthought,Keiasked,‘Whydidyoustayhere?’
Oops…
Keiregrettedaskingthequestionthemomentitleftherlips.WhensherealizedthatshehopedtohearMikisaythatitwassoshecouldmeether,sheknewhowinsensitivesuchaforthrightquestionmusthavesounded.Shelookeddowninembarrassment.
ButthenMikispoke.‘Well,yousee,’shebeganinhersoftvoice,‘Imakethecoffeeforthepeopleinthatseat.’
‘Makethecoffee?’
‘Yeah,likeKazualwaysdid.’
‘Oh.’
‘It’smyjobnow.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah.’
Buttheretheflowofconversationabruptlyended.Mikididn’tseemtoknowwhatelsetosayandturnedhergazedownwards.Keiwasunabletofindanywordstosaynext,buttherewasonethingshewantedtoask.
BringingyouintothisworldwastheonlythingthatIdidforyou.Canyouforgivemeforthat?
Buthowcouldsheexpecttoreceivesuchforgiveness?Shehadcausedsomuchsadness.
Miki’sreactionmadeKeifeelshehadbeenselfishtocome.Findingitincreasinglydifficulttolookather,Keilookeddownatthecoffeebeforeher.
Thesurfaceofthecoffeefillingthecupwaseversoslightlytrembling.Therewasnolongeranyrisingsteam.Judgingbythetemperatureofthecup,itwouldsoonbetimeforhertoleave.
WhatwasitthatIcameheretodo?Wasthereanypointinmycomingfromthefuture?Itallseemssopointlessnow.TheonlythingthathascomefromitismoresufferingforMiki.WhenIreturntothepast,nomatterhowItry,itwon’tchangeMiki’sunhappiness.Thatcannotbechanged.TakeKohtake,forinstance,shereturnedtothepast,butitdidn’tcureFusagi.Andlikewise,Hiraiwasn’tabletostophersisterfromdying.
Kohtakegottoreceiveherletter,whileHiraimethersister.Fusagi’sillnessisstillworseningandHiraiwillneverseehersisteragain.
It’sthesameformeaswell.ThereisnothingIcandothatwillchangethefifteenyearsthatMikihasspentinsadness.
Althoughshehadbeengrantedherwishofvisitingthefuture,shestillfeltutterdespair.
‘Well,Ican’tletthecoffeegocold…’Keisaidasshereachedoutandtookthecoffeecup.
Timetogoback.
Butatthatmomentsheheardfootstepsapproaching.Mikihadwalkedrightuptoher.
Sheputthecupbackonthetableandlookeddirectlyatherdaughter.
Miki…
Keididn’tknowwhatMikiwasthinking.Butshecouldn’ttakehereyesawayfromherface.Mikiwasstandingsoclose,shecouldtouchher.
Mikitookadeepbreath.‘Justbefore…’shesaidwithatremblingvoice.‘WhenyousaidtoFumikothatIdidn’twanttomeet…It’snotlikethat.’
Keilistened,hangingoneveryword.
‘Ialwaysthoughtthatifwemet,Iwouldwanttotalktoyou…’
ThereweresomanythingsthatKeiwantedtoaskalso.
‘Butwhenitactuallyhappened,Ididn’tknowwhattosay.’
Keihadn’tknownwhattosayeither.ShedreadedhowMikimightbefeeling.She’dfailedtoputthethingsshewantedtoaskintowords.
‘Andyes…therehavebeentimeswhenIhavebeensad.’
Keicouldwellimagine.ThethoughtofMikialonelikethatwasheart-wrenchingforher.
Icannotchangethosesadtimesofyours.
‘But…’Mikismiledbashfullyasshetookalittlestepcloser.‘Iamreallygladforthelifeyougaveme.’
Ittakescouragetosaywhathastobesaid.ItnodoubttookMikiallofhercouragetoexpressherfeelingstothemothershehadjustmet.Hervoicewaveredwithuncertainty,butitconveyedhertruefeelings.
But…
LargeteardropsbeganflowingfromKei’seyes.
ButgivingbirthtoyouistheonlythingIwilleverbeabletodoforyou.
Mikialsobegancrying.Butusingbothhandstowipeawaythetears,shesmiledsweetly.
‘Mum.’Shesaiditinanervous,excitedvoicebutKeihearditclearly.
MikiwascallingherMum
ButIhaven’tgivenyouanything…
Keicoveredherfacewithbothhands.Hershouldersshudderedasshewept.
‘Mum.’
Hearinghernamecalledagain,Keisuddenlyremembered.Itsoonmustbetimetosaygoodbye.
‘What?’Keiliftedupherfaceandsmiled,reciprocatingMiki’sfeelings.
‘Thankyou,’Mikisaidwiththebroadestofsmiles.‘Thankyouforhavingme.Thankyou…’ShelookedatKeiandquicklyheldupapeacesign.
‘Miki.’
‘Mum.’
Atthatmoment,Kei’sheartsangwithhappiness:shewasthemotherofthischild.Shewasn’tjustaparent–shewasthemotherofthegirlstandingbeforeher.Shewasunabletostopthetearsfromgushing.
Ifinallyunderstand.
Thepresentdidn’tchangeforKohtake,butshebannedeveryonefromusinghermaidennameandchangedherattitudetowardsFusagi.ShewouldbewithFusagitocontinuebeinghiswife,eventhoughshehadvanishedfromhismemory.Hiraiabandonedhersuccessfulbartorejoinherfamily.Whilerepairingherrelationshipwithherparents,shewaslearningthetraditionalwaysoftheinnfromsquareone.
Thepresentdoesn’tchange.
NothingaboutFusagichanged,butKohtakecametoenjoyherconversationswithhim.Hiraihadstilllosthersister,butthephotoshesenttothecafeshowedherlookinghappywithherparents.
Thepresenthadn’tchanged–butthosetwopeoplehad.BothKohtakeandHiraireturnedtothepresentwithachangedheart.
Keigentlyclosedhereyes.
IwassoabsorbedinthethingsthatIcouldn’tchange,Iforgotthemostimportantthing.
Fillinginforher,FumikohadbeenbyMiki’ssideforthesefifteenyears.NagarehadbeenthereforMikiasherfather,showeringherwithlove,nodoubtgoingsomewaytomakeupforherabsence.Alsofillinginforher,KazuhadlavishedMikiwithkindness,playingtheroleofmotherandbigsister.SherealizedthattherehadbeenalltheselovingpeoplearoundMiki,earnestlysupportinghergrowthforthefifteenyearsshehadbeengone,wishingforherhappiness.
Thankyouforgrowingupsohappilyandhealthily.Justbygrowingupsofitandwell,youhavemademesohappy.That’sallIwanttosaytoyou…thisishowIfeeldeepdown.
‘Miki…’Leavingherflowingtearsunwiped,KeigaveherbestsmiletoMiki.‘Thankyou,forthehonourofhavingyou’
UponKei’sreturnfromthefuture,herfacewasatearfulmess.Butitwasimmediatelyplaintoeveryonethatthesewerenottearsofsadness.
NagaresighedinreliefandKohtakeburstintotears.
ButKazusmiledwithsuchkindness,itwasasifshehadseenwhathadhappenedforherself.‘Welcomehome,’shesaid.
Thenextday,Keicheckedintohospital.Inspring,thenextyear,ahealthy,happybabygirlcameintothisworld.
Themagazinepieceontheurbanlegendhadstated,‘Attheendoftheday,whetheronereturnstothepastortravelstothefuture,thepresentdoesnotchange.Soitraisesthequestion:justwhatisthepointofthatchair?’
ButKazustillgoesonbelievingthat,nomatterwhatdifficultiespeopleface,theywillalwayshavethestrengthtoovercomethem.Itjusttakesheart.Andifthechaircanchangesomeone’sheart,itclearlyhasitspurpose.
Butwithhercoolexpression,shewilljustsay,‘Drinkthecoffeebeforeitgetscold.’
AbouttheAuthor
ToshikazuKawaguchiwasborninOsaka,Japan,in1971.Heformerlyproduced,directedandwroteforthetheatricalgroupSonicSnail.Asaplaywright,hisworksincludeCOUPLE,SunsetSong,andFamilyTime.ThenovelBeforetheCoffeeGetsColdisadaptedfroma1110ProductionsplaybyKawaguchi,whichwonthe10thSuginamiDramaFestivalgrandprize.
Firstpublished2019byPicador
Thiselectroniceditionpublished2019byPicador
animprintofPanMacmillan
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Associatedcompaniesthroughouttheworld
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ISBN?978-1-5290-2959-8
Copyright?ToshikazuKawaguchi
Translationcopyright?Picador2019
Coverillustration?SunmarkPublishingInc.
TherightofToshikazuKawaguchitobeidentifiedastheauthorofthisworkhasbeenassertedbyhiminaccordancewiththeCopyright,DesignsandPatentsAct1988.
OriginallypublishedinJapanasCoffeeGaSamenaiUchinibySunmarkPublishing,Inc.,Tokyo,Japanin2015
Japanese/EnglishtranslationrightsarrangedwithSunmarkPublishing,Inc.,throughInterRights,Inc.,Tokyo,Japan,Gudovitz&CompanyLiteraryAgency,NewYork,USA
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