Cognac Villain (Pushkin Bratva Book 1)

COGNACVILLAIN
PUSHKINBRATVA
BOOK1NICOLEFOXCopyright?2023byNicoleFox
Allrightsreserved.
Nopartofthisbookmaybereproducedinanyformorbyanyelectronicormechanicalmeans,includinginformationstorageandretrievalsystems,withoutwrittenpermissionfromtheauthor,exceptfortheuseofbriefquotationsinabookreview.
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CognacVillain
1.Cora
2.Ivan
3.Cora
4.Cora
5.Ivan
6.Cora
7.Cora
8.Cora
9.Cora
10.Ivan
11.Ivan
12.Cora
13.Cora
14.Ivan
15.Ivan
16.Ivan
17.Cora
18.Ivan
19.Ivan
20.Ivan
21.Cora
22.Cora
23.Cora
24.Cora
25.Ivan
26.Ivan
27.Cora
28.Cora
29.Cora
30.Cora
31.Ivan
32.Cora
33.Cora
34.Ivan
35.Ivan
36.Cora
37.Cora
38.Cora
39.Ivan
40.Ivan
41.Ivan
42.Cora
43.Cora
44.Cora
45.Ivan
46.Ivan
47.Ivan
48.Cora
49.Ivan
50.Ivan
51.Ivan
52.Cora
53.Cora
54.Ivan
55.Ivan
56.Ivan
57.Cora
58.Cora
59.Cora
60.Ivan
61.Ivan
62.Ivan
63.Cora
64.Ivan
65.Cora
66.Cora
67.Ivan
68.Ivan
69.Cora
70.Cora
71.Ivan
72.Ivan
73.Cora
74.Cora
75.Ivan
76.Ivan
77.Cora
78.Cora
79.Ivan
80.Ivan
81.Ivan
82.Cora
83.Ivan
84.Cora
85.IvanMAILINGLIST
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ViktorovBratva
WhiskeyPoison
WhiskeyPain
OrlovBratva
ChampagneVenom
ChampagneWrath
UvarovBratva
SapphireScars
SapphireTears
VlasovBratva
ArrogantMonster
ArrogantMistake
ZhukovaBratva
TarnishedTyrant
TarnishedQueen
StepanovBratva
SatinSinner
SatinPrincess
MakarovaBratva
ShatteredAltar
ShatteredCradle
SolovevBratva
RavagedCrown
RavagedThrone
VorobevBratva
VelvetDevil
VelvetAngel
RomanoffBratva
ImmaculateDeception
ImmaculateCorruption
KovalyovBratva
GildedCage
GildedTears
JadedSoul
JadedDevil
RippedVeil
RippedLace
MazzeoMafiaDuet
Liar’sLullaby(Book1)
Sinner’sLullaby(Book2)
BratvaCrimeSyndicate
*Canbereadinanyorder!
LiesHeToldMe
ScarsHeGaveMe
SinsHeTaughtMe
BelluciMafiaTrilogy
CorruptedAngel(Book1)
CorruptedQueen(Book2)
CorruptedEmpire(Book3)
DeMaggioMafiaDuet
DevilinaSuit(Book1)
DevilattheAltar(Book2)
KornilovBratvaDuet
MarriedtotheDon(Book1)
TilDeathDoUsPart(Book2)
HeirstotheBratvaEmpire
*Canbereadinanyorder!
Kostya
Maksim
Andrei
PrincesofRavenlakeAcademy(BullyRomance)
*Canbereadasstandalones!
CruelPrep
CruelAcademy
CruelElite
TsezarBratva
Nightfall(Book1)
Daybreak(Book2)
RussianCrimeBrotherhood
*Canbereadinanyorder!
OwnedbytheMobBoss
UnprotectedwiththeMobBoss
KnockedUpbytheMobBoss
SoldtotheMobBoss
StolenbytheMobBoss
TrappedwiththeMobBoss
VolkovBratva
BrokenVows(Book1)
BrokenHope(Book2)
BrokenSins(standalone)
OtherStandalones
Vin:AMafiaRomance
BoxSets
BratvaMobBosses(RussianCrimeBrotherhoodBooks1-6)
TsezarBratva(TsezarBratvaDuetBooks1-2)
HeirstotheBratvaEmpire
TheMafiaDonsCollection
TheDon’sCorruptionCOGNACVILLAIN
Onewardrobemalfunction.
Twopeoplewhodon’tbelongtogether.
Threeawfulwords:“Bemywife.”
Everyoneelseisatthispartytomarrythehost.
I’monlyhereuntilIcangetaridehome.
Whenmydressripsintheworld’sworst-timedwardrobemalfunction,
Igofindsomewherequiettofixit.
SoI’mstandingthereinnothingbutmyheelswhen,
Asmyluckwouldhaveit,thedooropens…
Andthemanofthehourwalksin.
IwishIcouldsayIplayeditcool.
Butit’sbeenalooongtimesinceanyonehasseenmeinmybirthdaysuit…
MuchlessthehottestmanI’veeverlaideyeson.
AllIwanttodoisfixmydress,clickmyheelsthreetimes,andbebackonmycouchinfuzzyslippers.
ButIvanhasotherideas.
He’sdecidedwhohe’stakingtothealtar…
AndIdon’thaveachoicebuttosay“Ido.”
COGNACVILLAINisBookOneinthePushkinBratvaduet.IvanandCora’sstoryconcludesinBookTwo,COGNACVIXEN!1CORA
Ican’tbelieveIletmyfriendsdragmeouttonight.
Afteranendlessshiftwaitingtablesatthediner,dishingoutlukewarmenchiladastoungratefulseniorcitizenswhotiplikeit’sstilltheGreatDepression,thelastthingIwannadoisputonafancydressandgotoaparty.
ButFranciaandJorden,myfellowQuinta?o’swaitresses,insisted.Andworseyet,FranciaisrefusingtoletmewearanyunderwearwiththisgownI’mborrowingfromher.
“VisiblepantylinesinVeraWangis,like,asinagainstGod,”shesaysinahorrifiedgasp,asifI’mgoingstraighttohellforevensuggestingsuchathing.“Undernocircumstancesareyouallowedtowearany.Overmydeadfreakingbody.”
Idon’tevengettoargueback,becausealmostimmediatelyafter,shegetsnauseousandrunstothebathroomtobesick.Iwould’vecalleditanight,butpartyanimalJordenisn’tlettinganythingstopherfromgettingshmammered.
“Nuh-uh.Franciagotastomachbug,butI’vegotthedancingbug,”sheproclaims.“I’mgoingoutandI’mgettingdrunk.Andyou,mylovelyladycompanion,arecomingwithme.”
Dammit.
SoJordenandIcallanUberfromtheapartmentafterwefinishgettingready.Atfirst,we’reboppingtomusic,laughing,feelinglikeDisneyprincessesonourwaytotheball.Webothworkeddoublesatthedinereverydaythisweekinordertosplurgeonararenightout,sowearedeterminedtoliveitup.
Fun.Thatisthemission.
Butthecloserweget,thequeasierIbecome.
It’snotthatFrancia’sstomachfluwascontagious,either.It’sthelineofcarsparkedalongtheroadthatfirstgivesmethatnastystomachdropfeeling.MercedesG-Wagons,RollsRoyces,andLamborghinisasfarastheeyecansee.
Itremindsmetoomuchofmyoldlife.
Iranfromthatlifeforagoodreason.Ihatedthecondescension,thefakenesslayeredontopofeverythinglikeglittersludge.WhenIleft,IsworeI’dneverbebackinplaceslikethis.
YethereIam.Luckyme.
Thefeelingonlygetsworseasweapproachthehouse.Butthenweturnthecorner…andthereitis.
Themansionislituplikeajewelinthenight.Allglasseverything.Beautifulpeopleloungeeverywhere:onthesteps,intherooms,inlittlegroupsoffourandfivespreadoutacrossthebacklawn.
“We’reonlystaying‘tilmidnight,Jor,”Iwarnmyfriendaswetotterupthefrontstepsinhighheels.“I’mopeningthedinertomorrowandIdonotwanttobehungoverfortheSaturdaymorningrush.”
“Yeah,yeah,whatever,”shesassesback.“InbedbymidnightorCoratheExplorerwillturnintoapumpkin.Rogerthat.”
Thenshehooksherarmthroughmineandbringsusupinfrontofthebouncer.“Hi,”shepurrs.
Heglancesdownatusovertheedgeofhisclipboard.“Names?”
Jordenelbowsmehardintheribs.“Sayit,”shehissesunderherbreath.“Likewepracticed.”
Isigh.“FranciaDelacourandguest.”Werehearsedthatlittlewhitelieenoughtimesontherideoverthatitcomesoutmoreorlessnatural.
Thebouncertakesalongtimeperusinghislistbeforenoddingandsteppingaside.“Enjoyyourevening,ladies.”
Thenwestepthroughthedoorandintoanotheruniverse.
Everythinggleamswhiteandgolden,withboldhintsofblackmarblewhereyouleastexpectit.There’sanhonest-to-goodnessfountaininthecenterofthelivingroomandI’mfairlysureIsawapeacockroamingthegroundsoutfront
“Isthisahouseorapalace?”Jordenasksme,dumbfounded.
“Betterquestion,”Ireply.“IfFranciacangetintopartieslikethis,whatonEarthisshedoingwaitingtablesatQuinta?o’swithus?”
It’snottheonlythingaboutFranciathatdoesn’tquitemakesense.SherandomlyshoweduptoworkonedaywithadiamondCartiertennisbraceleton,forexample.WhenIaskedherwhereshegotit,shejustlaughedandsmiledandchangedthesubject—thenitwasgonethenexttimeIsawher.Sheneverinvitesustoherapartment;wheneverwehangout,it’satmyplaceorJorden’s.Truthbetold,I’mnotevensurewhatpartoftownshelivesin.
“Champagne,ladies?”comesavoicefrommyleft.Iturntoseeaserverofferingusaselectionofglitteringflutesofchampagneonasilvertray.
“Yes,please!”Jordenchirps.Igetone;shesnatchesuptwo.“Oneformeandoneformy,uh…otherfriend.”
Themanbowshisheadandwhisksawaywithoutanotherword.Jordenpromptlydownsthefirstglassinasinglegoandsetstheemptyfluteonanearbypedestal.
“Thirsty?”Iteaseher.
“Girl,Iget,like,onenightoutperyeartoenjoymyself.SoI’mgonnaenjoymyselfMamadeservestohavefun.And,”sheadds,bumpingmyhipwithhers,“sodoyou.”
“Yeah.Fun.Totally.”
Butthatgut-churningfeelingisstillaliveandwellinthemiddleofmybelly.
Wemeanderthroughthehouse,snagginghorsd’oeuvresoffofcirculatingtraysandgawkingattheinsanearchitecture.Wepassmoreknotsofpeople,too,congregatingoneverysurfaceandtalkingintently.
Someonetoldmeoncethatbackgroundactorsinamoviearetaughttowhisper“watermelonwatermelonwatermelon”overandoveragaintopretendlikethey’rehavingactualconversations.That’swhatthisfeelslike.
Exceptinsteadofwhispering“watermelon,”they’rewhisperingtwowords.Ittakesawhileformetomakethemout,butwhenIdo,somethinginthephrasemakesmefeellikethere’sacoldbreezerushingovermyskin.
IvanPushkin.
Againandagain,everywherewego,that’swhatIhear.
IvanPushkin.
IvanPushkin.
Itrisesupfromeverysinglegroupwepasswithoutfail.There’sastrangesortofskittishnessintheair,too.Everyfemalebetweentheagesofeighteenandfortykeepscheckingovertheirshouldersliketheyknowsomethingwedon’t.Likesomethingimportantiscomingandtheywanttolooktheirbestwhenitgetshere.
Wefindourselvessteppingoutontothebacklawn.It’sfestoonedwithfairylightsbranchingoutfromastageatthefarend.Ajazzbandplaysclassymusictoacrowdofpeopleintentonlookingcoolbyignoringit.Noonedancesatpartieslikethese.
Correction:onepersondancesatpartieslikethese.
“Uh-oh,”Jordenwarnswithawickedgrin.Shepointsdownatherhips,whicharestartingtoshimmyfromsidetosideliketheyhavealifeoftheirown.
“Jor…”
“Uh-oh!”sherepeatsinadelightedcackle.“Ican’thelpit,Cora!It’s—I’m—They’realiiive!”
“We’vebeenherefortwentyminutesandyou’realreadywasted?”
“No,”Jordenclapsback,“I’mhavingfun.Youshouldtryitsometime.”
Iloveher,Ireallydo—Ijustcan’tmatchherenergyallthetime.Definitelynotwithoutsignificantlymorealcoholinme.
She,ontheotherhand,doesn’tneedadropofthestuff.Evenwhenshe’ssoberasajudge,Jordenisatenoutoften.Shelaughsloud,lovesloud,livesloud.
It’smiraculous,honestly,becauseshe’sbeenbustingherbutttomakeendsmeetforaslongasI’veknownher.Shewasraisedbyasinglemomofffoodstamps,workingindinerslikeQuinta?o’slongbeforeshewasactuallyoldenoughtodosolegally.
She’sright:shedoesdeserveabreak.Lifeishard.
“Yougodance,”Isaysheepishly.“I’mgonnagofindanotherdrinkfirstsoIcankeepupwithyou.”
Sheshrugsandflipsherhairoverhershoulder.“Fine.Butifyoufindmegrindinguponsomehotyoungthingwhenyougetback,it’llbeyourloss!”
Igrinandkissheronthecheek.“IhopeIfindyougrindingupontwoofthem.”
“Don’ttemptme,girl.Ijustmight.Ireallyjustmight.”
Laughing,weseparateandIgobackinsidethehouseinsearchofabathroom.IputonabravefacewhileJordenwaswatching,butassoonasIfindabathroom,Ishutthedoorbehindme,lockit,anddrawinahuge,shudderingbreath
Thisistoomuch.Itwasabadideatocomehere.Backtoaplacelikethis,aroundpeoplelikethis…Iturnedmybackonthisworld.Ineverwantedtoreturn.
AssoonasIgetoutofhere,I’mgoingtodoubledownonthatvow.
WhenItouchthebackofmyneck,mypalmcomesawaysoakedwithclammysweat.
“Midnight,”Isweartomyreflectioninthemirror.“Justacouplemorehours,thentheclockwillstrikemidnightandyoucansaygoodbyetothesepeopleforever.”
Midnight.
We’realmostthere.
Irinsemysweatyneckandstepoutofthebathroom,readytobravetherestoftheparty.Throughthedistantdoubledoors,IcatchabriefglimpseofJordeninthecrowd.ButbeforeIcanevengetastepinherdirection,Ifeelanunexpectedhandonmywaist.
Avoiceaccompaniesit.“Heythere,gorgeous.”
Ifollowthesoundoftheslurredgreetingtoarumpledmanwithadampforehead.He’sswayingfromsidetoside.
“Hi.”Igivehimatightsmileandretreattowardsthewall.
“Icameoverbecauseyoulooklonely.”Hiswordsarebreathy,arrivingonacloudofalcoholfumes.“ThoughtI’dkeepyacompany.”
Iwrinklemynose.“‘Oh,that’sniceofyou.I’mfine,though.Butthanks!”
Ifheunderstandstheimpliedgoodbye,hedoesn’tshowit.Hestepscloser,hisbellypressingagainstme.“Whoareyouwith?”
“Myboyfriend,”Iliereflexively.“He’sgettingmeadrinkrightnow.”
Hehesitatesforasecondandthencackles.“Bullshit.”
Thatthrowsmeforaloop,mostlybecausehe’ssocertain.“Idon’t—Imean—Howwouldyouevenknow?”
“Becauseyou’reheretomeethim.Justliketherestofthem.”Hesaysitwithmoreofthatsamefinality.LikeheknowssomethingIdon’t.
Ihavelotsofquestions,butnoneIwanttositanddiscusswiththischarmingfellow.Itrytoedgepasthim.“I’mjustgoingto—”
“Heisn’tthatgreat,youknow.”Heshiftswithme,blockingmypath.“EveryoneishereforIvan,butI’llshowyouwhatarealmancandoforyou.There’snolinetogettome.”
“Gee,Iwonderwhy,”Imuttertomyself.Tohim,Isay,“Ihaveliterallynoideawhatyouaretalkingabout.Youprobablydon’t,either.You’redrunk.Soifyoucouldjustletmego—”
Suddenly,hissweaty,meatyhandslapsmyass.
Distantly,Ihearthreadsofmydresspopping.Butit’slikepayingattentiontoadrippingfaucetwhenyourhouseisonfire.Ihavebiggerfishtofry.
Anyonewho’severworkedinthefoodserviceindustryknowsthatcustomersdojaw-droppingthings.Marriedmenleavetheirphonenumbersonthereceipt;friendly-lookinggrandpaspinchyourass;theirwiveshissthatyou’reaslutbeneaththeirbreaths.
Andanyonewho’severbeenstuckworkinginthefoodserviceindustry,evenwhenthey’resosickofallthosethings,knowsthattherearetwochoices:youcantakeitallonthechinandkeepyourjob—oryoucanliveoutthefantasyofeveryservereverandshowthemotherfuckerswhocrossedthelinethattheymessedwiththewrongperson.
Today,I’mthewrongperson.
Andthisisthemotherfuckerwhocrossedtheline.2IVAN
I’mboredoutofmyfuckingmind.
EverywhereIlookatthisparty,IseetheleastinterestingpersonI’veevermet.Andthenext,andthenext.Forabunchofscumbagsandcriminals,you’dthinktheywouldhavesomethingengagingtodiscuss.
Buttheydon’t.Thefurthestthingfromit,infact.
Becausejustabouteverysoulundermyrooftonightishereforthesameirritatingreason.
Togetmetomarry.
Whetherit’sthemI’mmeanttobemarrying,ortheirdaughter,sister,cousin,mother,whoever,theyaren’ttooparticular.Theyjustwanttogetclosertome.Tomyempire.Byanymeansnecessary.
Idon’tevenblamethem.ThePushkinBratvaisthebiggestsharkinaseafullofthem.Wehavethemoney.Thepower.Wedecidewhogetswhatandwhen,andtheusualanswerstothosequestionsare“us,”“allofit,”and“rightfuckingnow.”
“Thesethingswillbethedeathofme,”Imutter.
“Sowhyareyouhere?”asksYasha,mybestfriendandright-handman,ashesnaresatoothpickofcheesefromapassingwaiter.
“BecauseAnyawillbethedeathofmeifIbail.”
Hesnortsthroughamouthfulofbrie.“True.Thatsisterofyoursowesyouoneforwhatshe’sputtingyouthroughtonight.”
“Thatshedoes,”Iagree.
Buteventhatisamassiveunderstatement.Iwouldn’tbehere,subjectingmyselftothisbullshit,foranyonebuther.
Ifitweren’tforme,though,she’dbegoingthroughhellfirerightnow.Ourfatherwasfuriousenoughwhenhefoundoutwhatshe’ddone.RebuffinghalfadozendecentmarriageproposalsinordertoelopewithalowlyBratvafootsoldier?It’sblasphemyintheeyesoftheoldbastardwhobirthedus.Daughters,inourfather’smind,arepawnstobemovedaroundtheboardasheseesfit.Godforbidtheyshouldmarryforlove.
Ithinksheshoulddowhateverthehellshewants.Thatbeingsaid,I’mnotexactlybigontheconcept.Marryforlove:fine,ifthat’swhatAnyadesires.
ButIwillnotbedoingthesame.
IfI’mgoingtobeforcedtomarry,I’llbemarryingforbusiness.Nothingmore.I’mmarryingtotaketheheatoffmysister’stransgressions.I’mmarryingtosolidifythePushkinBratvaasthepreeminentforceintheAmericanunderworld.
Lovehasnothingtodowithit.
Asuddensoundfrombehindmedrawsmyattention.YashaandIturnasone,conditionedbyyearsoffightingalongsideoneanothertobereadyforwhatevercomesnext.Itwouldn’tbethefirstpartywe’veattendedthatendsingunfireandbloodshed.
Butthere’snoneofthattobeseen.
Notyet,atleast.
AwomanI’veneverseenbeforeisbaringherfangsatthedrunkennephewoftheGreekGenakosmafiadon.Stefanosishisname,Ithink.He’scoarseandsloppy,whichmatcheshisreputation.Evennow,hiseyesarerollingintheirsockets,loosenedbytoomuchofthefreeboozeonhand.Hisclawsarereachingouttowardthegirl.
“Keepyourfuckinghandstoyourself,”shespitsathim.
“Aw,c’mon,”hemuttersthroughclumsylips.“Iwasjusttrynabefriendly.”
“Bygrabbingmyass?”
“Trynaappreciateyou,too,”hemumbles.“Youdon’tgottabeabitchaboutit.”
Herjawdrops.“Iknowyoudidnotjustcallmeabitch.”
“Isaidyou’rebein’abitch,notthatyouare—”
Hedoesn’tgettofinishthesentencebeforeshecrackshimacrossthefacewithaviciousslap.Thosefreewheelingeyesofhisgoblankandhestumblesbackwards.Hebumpsintoawallandwobbles.
Thenherightshimselfandhisunkemptsmiletwistsintosomethingfarmeaner.
“Listenhere,youfuckin’whore…”Headvancesonher.Thosehandsofhissuddenlydon’tlooksolimpandharmless.Hegoestopawheragain.Shetriestobathimoff,buthe’sbiggerandstrongerthanher,sohejustswallowsherupwithhisbulkashebacksherintothecornerbythebathrooms.
Andwiththat,I’veseenenough.
I’mnotheretobeanyone’swhiteknight.ButI’llbedamnedifthisinebriatedmoronisgoingtogoaroundgropingunwillingwomeninfrontofme.
WhenIwasaboy,Isawmyfatherdofartoomuchofthat.Icouldn’tdoanythingtostophimthen.
Butnow?Now,I’mperfectlycapableofrippingthismotherfuckertopieces.
Icrossthedistance,findthebackofStefanos’scollar,andriphimtotheground.Heshrieksandhitshardenoughtoshakethenearbysculpturesontheirpedestals.
Achampagneflutecrashestothefloorandshattersinamilliondirections.OneofthejaggedpiecescutsStefanos’sear.Hisbloodstartstopooloutontothewhitemarble.
IplantakneeonStefanos’schestandbenddowncloseenoughforhimtoheareverywordIbreatheinhisface.“Ithinkyouaretheonewhooughtto‘listenhere,’myfriend.Theladytoldyouno.Sheaskedyoutokeepyourhandstoyourself,butyoudidnot.Sonow,I’mputtingmyhandsonyou,andIwon’tstopwhenyouaskmeto.Iwon’tstopwhenyoubegmeto.Iwon’tevenstopwhenyouscreamandpleadandcryformetopleaseGodjusthavesomefuckingmercy.”
Stefanos’seyesarewideandstillnow.Hislowerlipquivers.Thecoldfearsweatbeadinginhismustachedisgustsme.“P-p-plea—”
“Shh.”Ipressafingertomymouth.“Ijusttoldyouthatbeggingwon’thelp.”Then,sighing,Ireleasemyweightfromoffhischestandstandagain.IpullmytuxedocuffsintoplaceasIlookdownonhimfromabove.“ButIdon’tfeellikegettingyourbloodonmysuittonight.Sofornow,I’llletyougo.Getthefuckoutofmysight.”
Hedoesn’thavetobetoldtwice.Hescramblesawayonhishandsandknees,leakingblood,untilhecangatherhimselfbackupright.Thenhegoesbumblingaway,downthecornerandoutofsight.
Whenhe’sgone,Iturntothegirl.3CORA
I’mstillstandingwherethatassholeleftmebackedintothecorner.Myhairismussedandsweatyandmyjawisachingfrombitingdownsohard.I’dliketogetoutofhere,butI’mstuckfortwomainreasons.
OneisthatthemanwhojustrescuedmefromMr.HandsyDoucheBagiscurrentlysmolderingdowninmydirection.Helookslikeiftestosteronehadaface.Pure,ripplingmasculinity.Eyeslikepreservedhoney.Handsthat,evennow,areflexingandunflexinglikethey’recapableofdoingsomuchmore.
Thesecondreasonisthat,ifImoveoutofthiscorner,PrinceTestosteroneandalltherubber-neckingonlookerswillgetaneyefulofmybarebutt.
That’sbecause,whenthedouchebagtriedtopawatme,herippedmydressallthewayupthebackseams.IcanfeelthecoldbreezeoftheairconditioningblowingwhereIreallywishitwouldn’t.
Notgood.
Sothat’smypredicamentinanutshell:hottestguyI’veeverseenplusonehellofawardrobemalfunction.I’mawaitress,notamathematician,butevenIknowthatthatdoesn’tadduptoanythinggreat.
“Relax,”herumbles.“Youdon’thavetoworry.Ihandledit.”
“Yep.Relax.Workingonit.”It’sdifficulttotalk,givenhowhardI’mtryingnottomoveforfearofrippingthedressfurther.
Ihaveadeliriousmentalimageofjuststayingplantedrightherefortherestofthenight.Theycanusemyarmslikeacoatrack.Theclean-upcrewwillhavetogetacrowbartoprymeoutofthecornerinthemorning.
“I’dadviseyoutostartbyinhaling,”hesuggests.“Inthroughthenose,outthroughthemouth.Thatsortofthing.”There’sanundercurrentofdarklaughterinhisvoice.
Iwrinklemynose.“Whichpartofthisisfunnytoyou?”
Hedoesn’tseembotheredintheleastbymysharpvoice.“Thepartwhereyoulooklikeyou’reabouttohaveananeurysmifyoudon’ttakeabreathinthenearfuture.”
He’sright—Ireallyamclenchingdangerouslyhard.Formedicalreasons,ifnothingelse,Isighandtakeabigsipofair.
AsIdo,Ifeelanotherstitchintheseamgiveway.
Thingsaregoingwell.
“Youknow,youlooklikeabusy,importantman,”Isay,doingmybesttokeepmyever-growingdesperationoutofmyvoice.“I’msureotherbusy,importantmenandwomenwouldverymuchlikeyourattentionsomewhereelseintheparty,right?”
Heshrugs.“Maybe.Hardtosay.”
“Buteasytofindout!Youcouldgo…overthere,maybe!”Ijutmychininthedirectionofthebacklawn.“Orthere.Orthere.Anywhere,really.Lotsofpeoplearenodoubtextremelyeagertoaskyouabout,uh,worldpoliticsortheeconomyorwhoyouthinkisgonnawinNaked&Afraidthisseason.”
Unfortunately,PrinceTestosteronedoesn’ttakeanyofmysuggestions.“Thentheycanwait.”Heinchescloser,whichIreally,reallywishhewouldn’tdo.“What’syourname?”
“Who,me?”
“No,theothergirlcoweringinthecorner.”
Iforcealaugh.“Oh,I’mnobody.Notbusyorimportantintheleast,andIdon’tevenwatchNaked&Afraid!”
Itfeelslikethewallsareclosingin.I’mmakingsilentoathsinmyheadandhopingthatsomedeitiesabovearelisteningandwilltakemercyonme.I’llwearonlypantsfortherestofmylifeifyougetmeoutofthismess.Justplease,forGod’ssake,helpme!
Ifanyoneupabovehears,theyshownosignofit.
Heedgescloserstill.Icansmellhiscolognenow.Cedarwoodandsage.It’smakingmyheadspin.
Overhisshoulders,mostoftheotherattendeeshaveturnedbacktotheirconversations,thoughIstillfeelafewstrayeyesdriftinginourdirectionhereandthere.It’shardtolookanywherebutathim,though.He’sjustgotthisconfidence,thismagnetism,thatbringsmebacktohisgazeagainandagain.
Forhispart,hedoesn’tseemtohaveanyproblemblockingoutthewholeworldtofocusonjustme.“You’reastrangeone.”
“Youdon’tevenknowthehalfofit,”Ipromisehim.“Seriously.I’drunifIwereyou.”
I’drunifIwereme,too,Iaddsilently.
Hestilldoesn’tsmileorshowanysignsofadepartureinthenear-future.“I’llaskyouonemoretime:what’syourname?”
I’mscrapingthebottomofthebarrelasfarasliesanddistractionsgo.Betweenthatandthetickleofcoldaironmybareskinandthetick-tick-ticksound-slash-sensationofmorestitchesgivingwayandmyever-growingterrorthatsomehow,someway,thisterrifyingmanknowswhoIam—whoIreallyam—I’maboutthisclosetojusttellinghimthetruth.
OrmaybeI’mjustsickoflying.Ofhiding.Ofrunning.It’sbeenyearsofitnowandit’sstartingtogetold.
SoIopenmymouth.Myrealnameisrightonmylips.“I’m—”
Thensomeonetapsthemanontheshoulder.
Hestraightensandturnswithascowlonhislips.Thepersoninterruptingusisslenderandtall,withawiryframeandashockofbrownhair.He’sgotthesamekindofseriouscomposureinhisfacethatPrinceTestosteronehas.Ado-not-fuck-with-me-ness.
Thenewmanwhisperssomethingurgentinhisear.Boththeirscowlsdeepen.Theireyesflitouttothelawn.
Iseethatforwhatitis.
Awindowofopportunity.
Withonelastprayertotheheavensabovejustincaseanyofthosecelestialassholeshavedecidedtotunein,IclamptheruinedhalvesofmydresstogetherasbestasIcan,pirouetteonmyheel,andtakeoffwaddle-runningdownthenearesthallwaybeforethetwomenturnbacktorealizeI’mgone.
Myplanissimple:I’mgoingtofindsomewherequiettofixmydress.ThenI’mgoingtofindJordenandwe’regoingtogetthehelloutofhere.
Withanyluck,I’llneverseethatmanagain.4CORA
Badnews:thisplaceisalabyrinth.IfeellikeI’vebeenrunningforhours,twistingandturningdownhallafterhall.TheonesilverliningisthatatleastI’mleavingthesuperHulkbehind
Ishiveratthethoughtofhim.Hewastooperfecttobereal.Hisbonestructurewasbrutallysharp.Thoselipshadacruelslanttothem.Andthoseeyes—Lordhavemercy,thoseambereyescouldhypnotizeagirlifshe’snotcareful
Hehadn’tlaidsomuchasafingeronme,butthewayhelookedatmewasaphysicaltouchinandofitself.Itstrokedthedeepestpartsofme.
AsifIdidn’talreadyfeelplentynakedwithagapingripinthebacksideofmydress.
Ishakeoffthememoryjustasadoorwithathinsliceoflightatthebottombeckons.Itlookslikeabathroom,soIpushthrough—
Andcometoascreechinghalt.
Atrioofgirlsisclusteredaroundahandmirrorbalancedontopofthesink.Theirhairisexpertlycurled,theirdressesflawless,theirmanicuresglisteninginthecandlelight.
Twoofthemdon’tnoticemeenter.Thethirdlooksupfromwhereshe’sbentoverthemirrorwithastrawpressedtohernostril.Herfaceisreflectedonthesurfacebelow,althoughit’sbrokenupbyfiveorsixneatlyarrangedlinesofwhitepowder.
Whensheseesme,shefrowns.It’snotafrownofsurpriseatbeingbargedinon,though.
It’safrownofrecognition.
“Cordelia?”shesaysinshock.“Isthatyou?”
Cordelia.Adeadname.Anobodyname.
Myheartjumpsintomythroat.Onethoughtblaresthroughmyheadlikeatornadosiren:run.
Thistime,Iholdnothingback.Irunandrunandrun.Highheelsbedamned.Rippeddressbedamned.
Ikeeprunning,downhallwaysandupstairs,untilmybreathburnsinmylungs.ThenIburstthroughthenearestdoorIseeandslamitshutbehindme.
Insidethedarkenedroom,Ikeelover,elbowsonmyknees,andtrytoinhale.I’msotiredIdon’tgivearat’sassaboutthefactthatanyonewhocomesupfrombehindmecouldgetahigh-defviewofwherethesundon’tshine.
Istaythereforawhile.EvenwhenIcatchmybreath,though,myheartcontinuestopitter-patterinmychest.
Shesawme.Sheknewme.
Ishudderagain.Cordelia.God,Ihatehowthatsounds.
I’mCoranow.
Cordeliaisdead.
Eventually,myheartcalmsdown,thoughthetangoffearnevertrulyleavesmymouth.WhenI’masateaseasI’mgonnaget,Ilookaroundtheroom.
I’minanofficeofsomesort.Verymasculine,darkpalette,brooding.It’sshadowyinhere,thoughthere’slightcomingthroughasetofFrenchdoors.WhenIwalkover,Irealizetheattachedbalconylooksoutovertherearlawn.Mostofthecrowdhasshuffledoutside,soit’samazeofbodies.Thesoundoflaughterandclinkingglassesrisesuptomeetme.There’snosignofPrinceTestosteroneorhisfriend.
Iturnmybackonthebalconyandfishmyphoneoutofmypurse.IpressJorden’scontactandholdituptomyear.Itringsandrings,andthen:
“Heeeey!Girl,where’dyougo?Thispartyiscrazy!”
Ohjeez.Jordenisblitzedbeyondbelief.Iknowthatloosenessinhervoice,thatcackle.ThegirlisD-R-U-N-K.Sheisn’tcomingtosaveme.
I’mallonmyown.
“Uh,nevermind,”Imumbleintothephone.“Buttdial.I’mcomingtofindyou.Onesec.”Ihangupanddropmyphoneontothenearbycouch.
Ifindalampinthecornerandclickiton.Theripisintheback,soIneedtogetthisdressoffandtrytofinaglesomekindofsafetypinstopgapsolutiongoodenoughtogetmeoutofherewithoutmooningeverypartygoerinattendance.Withagrimaceandaprayer,Istarttryingtopeeloffthedresswhiledoingtheleastdamagepossible.
Thebackwherethedrunkard’shandswentisprettyruined,butifIcanjustwriggleoutofitcarefullyandfindasafetypinaroundheresomewhere,there’sachanceI’llbeableto—
Riiiiip.
Nevermind.I’mscrewed.
Myoh-so-carefuleffortshavejustextendedtheripevenfurther.AssoonasIletmyhandsgolimp,thedresspartsintwolikewiltedflowerpetalsandpoolsaroundmyfeet.I’mleftstandingthere,inthemiddleofsomestranger’soffice,innothingbuthighheelsandnipplepasties.
Which,ofcourse,iswhenthedooropens.
Forasecond,Iholdouthopethatit’sJorden,heretoprovidebackup.
Butit’snotJorden.
It’snotJordenatall.5IVAN
It’dbeamistaketocallherthegirlinthegreendress—mostlybecauseshe’snotinthegreendressanymore.It’spuddledaroundherfeetandshe’snotwearingastitchofanything.Justhighheelsandnipplecovers.
Iclosethedoorbehindme.“Nooneissupposedtobeinhere.”
“I’mhiding,”sheblurts,tryingherbesttocoverherselfup,notthatitdoesmuchgood.I’dhavetobeMotherfuckingTeresatokeepmyeyesoffofherbody.
Fuckinghell,she’sstunning.
Iswallowdowntherushofdesire.“Stripping,hiding,Idon’tgiveashitwhatyoucallit—butyoucan’tdoithere.”
ShelevelsmewithaglarethatrivalstheoneshegavetheGreekmuttoutside.“Andwhoareyou?Security?”
“Youmustbejoking.”
Shedoesn’tknowwhoIam?Icallbullshit.EveryonehereknowswhoIam.
She’sblushingfromheadtotoe—Icanseeeveryinchofflushedskin—butshedoesn’tshyaway.“So,notsecurity,then?Probablysometrustfundbabywhothinksyouowneveryroomyouwalkinto.”
“Bigwordsfromsomeoneskulkingthroughastranger’shousenaked.”
“Hiding!”sheyelpsagain.“Andbelieveme,Iwouldgiveanythingtobeclothedrightnow.Preferablyinsweatpantsandahoodiewithaparkaontop,butbeggarscan’tbechoosers.I’dacceptthatstrappy,skin-tightmonstrosityonthegroundrightnowifitwouldjustcooperate.”
Shehatesthisparty,shedoesn’tknowwhoIam,andinsteadofbraggingtomeaboutwhodesignedherruineddress,she’slongingforsweats.
Shecan’tbereal.
Abreezeblowsthroughtheopendoorsandthewomaninfrontofmeshivers.BeforeIcansecond-guesstheinstinct,Ishrugoutofmyjacket.
“Whatareyoudoing?”sheasks.
Goodquestion.ItmightbethefirsttimeinmylifeI’vevoluntarilyaskedawomantoputonmoreclothes.
Hereyesarewideandshockinglygreenassheshrinksawayfromme.Likeadogthat’sbeenkickedsomanytimesit’ssurethattheonlythingthefuturecouldholdismorepain.
“Beggarscan’tbechoosers.”Idanglemyjacketintheairbetweenus.“Takeitorleaveit.”
Shewatchesmewarilyforanotherlongbreathbeforeshelungesforthejacketandslipsiton.
Herskindisappearsbeneaththelongsleevesandbroadshoulders.Thejacketabsolutelyswallowsher,butI’mnotlaughing.Somehow,theimageofherswimminginmyjacketisevenmoretantalizingthanhertaut,nakedskin.
Shetucksthematerialaroundhermiddleandcrossesherarmstosecureit.“Thanks.Forasecond,Ithoughtyouweregoingtoparademeoutofherenakedaspunishment.”
“Don’ttemptme.”
“Don’tthreatenme,”sheretorts.
“Don’tactlikeitwouldbeallbad.You’dbethecenterofattention.”
“Don’tactlikeallwomenwantthesamething.”
Iarchanamusedeyebrow.“Don’tthey?YougotalldolledupandmarchedinheretosellyoursoultoIvanPushkin.Justliketherestofthem.”
“Notyou,too?”shemurmurs.“Ivanthis,Ivanthat.Everyonecan’tgetenoughoftheguy.Whoevenishe?”
Ijoinheratthewindow,gazingdownatthepartygoersbelow.“Everyoneisherebecausetheywanttomarryhim.”
“I’msurehethinksso.”Shewrinkleshernoseandpointsatapaunchymanstandingbytheshrubs.“Whataboutthatone?”
Iclockthepersonshe’spointingatimmediately.Mymindwhirrsandconjuresuptherelevantfacts.ValmorShundi.Albanianunderboss.Likeshiswhiskeyagedforseventeenyearsandhiswomenforlessthanthat.
“Him,too.Thepoorbastardhasanastydrugproblemandisabouttogetcaughtforstealingmoneyfromhisclients.Heneedshisdaughterstosecureagoodmatchnowbeforehisnameturnstoshit.”
“Howdoyouknowthat?”
“Iknoweverything.”IpointoutthescrawnyItalianmannexttothestage.Again,mymindhumsandpullsupwhatIneedtoknow.AlfonsoMarciano.ARossifamilyunderboss.Cokehead.“Thatoneisintogroupsexwithhisbossandhiswife.”
“Noway,”shegiggles.“He’swearingapinkpolowithapoppedcollar.Howishehavingthreesomes?”
“Foursomes,actually.Hebringshisownwifealong.”Ipointoutthewomaninthebrownbedazzleddresswhoisscanningthelawnlikeavulture.“ThoughI’mnotsureyoucancriticizeanyoneelse’sappearance,allthingsconsidered.”
Sheglancesdownatmysuitjacketandwincesshyly.“Fairenough.ButIlookedbetterbeforethatassholerippedmydress.”
“Agreetodisagree,”Imurmur.
Ididn’tactuallyintendtospeakoutloud,butthatslippedoutbeforeIcouldstopit.Herblushisbrightenoughtoseeinthegloom.
“Whataboutthatone?”sheasks,obviouslychangingthesubject.
IfollowherfingertoseehersinglingouttheemaciatedblondhairoftheonemanIwouldhavemostpreferrednottothinkabout.Thelaughterdisappearsfrommyvoice.“KonstantinSokolov,”Isayquietly.
“Youdon’thaveanydirtonhim?”sheteases.“He’snot,like,aterriblepokerplayerorsecretlyintodressinguplikeafurryinhisfreetime?”
No,Ithinktomyself.He’sthefatherofthewomanIwassupposedtomarry.
“He’snoone,”Isaidoutloudinstead.“Nooneatall.”
“Hm.Okay.”Sheturnsherheadtotheside,darkhairspillingoverhershoulder.“Finalquestion:what’syourname?”
Ihavetoadmirehertenacity.Sheisreallyclaimingshedoesn’tknowwhoIam.I’mstillnotsureIbelieveher,butitisnicetobeanonymous.Ifjustforafewminutes.
“Tellmeyoursfirst.”
“Orwhat?”shechallenges.
“OrI’llkickyououtfortrespassing.”
Shenarrowshereyes.“Areyousureyouaren’theadofsecurity?You’reonarealpowertrip.”
Mygazedoesn’twaverfromhers.Theworldshrinksaroundus.“I’llanswerwhenyoutellmewhoyouare.”
Shehesitatesforonlyasecond.“FranciaDelacour.”
Iflipthroughmymentalrolodexofnamesandcontactsandalliesandenemies,butthereisnoDelacourasfarasIcanremember.
Frowning,Iturntothebarcartandgrabtwoglasses.“Careforadrink,Ms.Delacour?”
“God,yes.Butyoudon’tgetoffthateasily.You’resupposedtotellmeifyou’retheheadofsecurityornot.”
Iholdupmyglassandtakeasip.“IfIwasheadofsecurity,wouldIbedrinkingonthejob?”
“Ifyouwerebadatyourjob,youmight.”
Ipassthesecondglasstoher.“I’mnotbadatanything.”
“IhatethatIactuallybelieveyou.”Shetastesthedrinkandwinces.“Ialsohatecognac.”
“That’sathree-hundred-dollarbottle.”
“Ah.Well,inthatcase,it’sthebestthingI’veevertasted.”Shepastesonabig,fakesmile.“Better?”
I’msureI’llneverseeheragainaftertonight,sowhatthehell?Marriageislooming,andaftereverythingthathappenedwithKonstantinandKaterinaSokolov,I’mpositiveitwillbeanabsolutefuckinghellscape.MightaswellenjoymyselfwhileIstillhavethechance.
Iclinkmyglassagainsttheedgeofhersinatoasttowhereverthisnightisgoingtotakeus.“Muchbetter.”6CORA
Thedraftinthisjacketisunbearable.It’smadeevenworsebythebedroomeyestheownerofthejacketkeepstossingmyway.
Cometothinkofit,thosebedroomeyesareexactlywhythedraftissounbearable.Nounderwear,arousal,adraft—it’sabadcombo.
AsIseethem,theproblemsareseveral-fold.One,I’mbutt-nakedinaborrowedsuitjacket.Thisisnotwhatweinthefemaleempowermentbusinessliketocall“thecommandposition.”
Two,Idon’tknowthisman.Hecouldbeheadofsecurity,hecouldbeaclownoutofcostume,hecouldbeaspyonasecretmissionfromtheKremlin.Whoknows?Notme.
Third,andmostimportantly,Iambutt-nakedinaborrowedsuitjacket.Ithinkthatpointbearsrepeating.
MybrainkeepsdriftingtohowmuchFrancia’sVeraWangmust’vecost.Everytimeitdoes,Imakemyselftakeanothersipofdisgusting,expensivecognacandwonderhowonearthI’mgoingtopayherback.
“More?”
Theman’shugehandisalreadyhalfwayaroundtheglasswhenIrealizewhathe’sasking.HisfingersbrushmineandIjerkmyarmbacklikeI’vebeenelectrocuted.Theonlyreasontheglassdoesn’tcrashtothefloorisbecausethemanhasSuperman-likereflexesandsnatchesitoutofmid-air.
“No,that’sokay.”Ishakemyhead,cheeksburning.“Thanks,though.Forthedrink.Thefirstone.”
Andforsendingmygroperoffwithhistailbetweenhislegs.Andforthejacket.Andfornotkickingmeoutthedoorinmybirthdaysuit.
Thedebtsbetweenusarepilingup.Ishouldthankhimforeverythinghe’sdone,butIcan’tbringmyselftodoit.BecauseIcouldhavegottenmyselfoutofthismess.
Ishouldhave,anyway.Sittingbackandlettingamanswoopintorescuemeissonotmystoryanymore.NoPrinceCharmings.NoHappilyEverAfters.
Admittedly,Idohaveonetoomanyevilstepparents,butthat’sasfarasthesimilaritiesgo.
PrinceTestosteroneistinkeringaroundbehindmeatthebarasIstepoverthedestroyeddressandfurtheroutontothebalcony.Theeveningairiswarmandbalmy.Ababbleofcross-talkingvoicesrisesstraightupfromthecrowdbelow.
“Whereishe?Iheardhemightbewatchinginfromthesecuritycameras.DoIlookokay?”
“Ihaven’tseenIvanoncesinceIgothere.Idoubthe’sevenhere.Menlikehimnevercometotheirownparties.”
“Portiagotherboobsdone.AsifthatiswhyIvanhasneverlookedtwiceather.Forgetherhorseteethandbeigepersonality;shethinksitwastheboobs.Getfuckingreal.”
TheIvantalkisreallyblowingmymind.It’slikehecouldsnaphisfingersandgiveeveryfemaleonthepropertyaninstantG-spotorgasm.I’vebeenaroundplentyofpompous,overstuffedpeacocksinmytime,butnoneofthemhaveeverdrawnthiskindofdevotion.
MaybeIshouldstickaroundandfindoutwhothisguyis.
NosoonerdoesthethoughtcrossmymindthandoIseeamanseparatefromthecrowdbelow.Hestepsout,thencraneshisnecktolookupatthestringlightshangingoverhead.
“BorismustbehopinghecanliquorIvanupenoughtoconvincehimtomarry.Whyelsewouldtherebeendlesstraysofchampagnewithoutabitetoeatinsight?”
Iduckbackoutofsightandholdmybreath.IhopetoGodIhidintime.Sayingmyheartisinmythroatisn’tametaphor.Icantastetheblood.Theirontangoffear.
BecauseI’drecognizethatvoiceanywhere.
Andifmymonsterofastepfatherseesmehere,there’snotellingwhathe’lldo.
“Eitherthat,”hedrawls,“orhe’shopingarespectablewomanwillgetdrunkenoughtoforgetthatIvanisafuckingsadist.”
Mystepfather’svoicefadesawayashemovesthroughthecrowd,butIstayput.Ican’tmove.Icanbarelybreathe.
It’sbeenyearssinceI’vebeenthatclosetohim.CouldhesensehownearIwas?Didhisskincrawlwithdisgustlikeminedid?
Idoubtthatverymuch.Whywouldit?
Monstersneverrunfromtheirprey.7CORA
“Youlookspooked.”
ThevoicebehindmeupsetsthedelicatebalanceI’mstrikingintheseheels.Ifallforward,catchmyselfontherailing,andthenjerkmyselfrightbacktomakesuremystepfatherdoesn’tcatchsightofme.Thebreezeiscoldinallthewrongplaces.
Isortmyselfintosomethingresemblingstability.“Huh?”
“Thatlookonyourface.Likeyoujustsawaghost.”
“I’mfine.Noghosts.I’mjusthavingsecondthoughtsaboutthatdrink.”I’vealreadyhadabitmorethanmyusualnightoutallowance,butI’lldoanythingtospendafewmoreminutesinthisroom,safefromtheboogeymanofmypast.
Ineedtimetocomeupwithanescapeplan.
“Alcoholisnotgoingtoimproveyoursituation,”heremarksasheturnstothebartopourmeaseconddrinkanyway.
“Whatsituationisthat?”
Helooksbackoverhisshoulder,darkeyebrowarched.“Doyouactuallyneedmetoexplainit?”
Igritmyteeth.“Youwannaknowsomething?Youplaytheherotype—savingmefromadrunkmandownstairsandofferingyourjacket—butyou’rekindofanasshole.”
“Only‘kindof’?
“Oh,I’msorry.Wouldyouratherbeafull-blownasshole?”
Hewalksoverwithasmirkandafreshdrink.“Ifyou’regoingtodosomething,youmightaswellcommit.”
Igrimace,butItakethedrinkandthrowhalfofitback.Thealcoholburnsgoingdown.Itstilltastesterrible,butI’mnotinthisfortheflavorprofile.IfI’mgoingtowalkoutofthisroomwithmybitsandbobshangingoutofaborrowedsuitjacket,Ineedalittleliquidcourage.
“Now,”hecontinues,“areyougoingtokeeptradingbarbsorareyougoingtotellmewhyyoulookedsoscaredjustnow?”
Ishakemyhead.“I’mnotscared.”
Notanymore,atleast.
Ihavenodesireatalltoseemystepfatherorreliveanyportionofmypast,butI’mnotscaredofhim.Iescapedandhehasn’tcaughtmeyet.AsfarasI’mconcerned,thatmeansI’vewon.
“Yousawsomething.Orsomeone.Iwanttoknowwhoitwas.”
“Noone.Itwasnothing.Ijust,uh…tripped.”Iliftonelegtoshowoffmyheels.“It’swhatIgetforwearingimpracticalfootwear.IshouldalwaysremembertowearshoesIcanrunin.”
“Yousaythatasifyou’realwaysgettingreadytorun.”
Iturn.Heissomuchcloserthanhewasasecondago.Theworldfadesawayasheshiftsintostarkfocus.
Hislipsarecurvedandgorgeous.Ididn’tnoticeitbefore,butblackinkmarksswirloutofthecollarofhisshirt,whirlingaroundhisthickneck.“Youhavetattoos.”
“You’rechangingthesubject.”
“Sodidyou.Earlier.Itmakesmethinkyou’rehidingsomething.”
“Iam,”headmitsfreely.“ButI’mnotlyingtoyou.Areyoulyingtome,Francia?”
Thefalsenamelandswithanawkwardclunkbetweenus.“No.”
Hemovesevencloser.“Didyouseeyourboyfrienddownthereinthecrowd?Maybeahusband?Youhaveaguiltylookaboutyou.”
“Yourecognizethatlook,hm?Maybethat’swhyyouknowsomuchabouteveryoneelse’saffairs—becauseyou’retheonecausingthem.”
“Idon’tknowathingaboutyouoryours.”Hisgazedripsdownmyfacelikehoney,slowandsweet.“Whoareyou?”
Ibitemylipandturnbacktothedoorway.Itakeaslowstepforward.Thenanother.Mystepfatherisgone,soIcanletmyselfrelaxagainstthedoorframelikeIdon’thaveanythingtohide.“I’mnoone’swifeorgirlfriend,Icanpromiseyouthat.Andunlikeeveryoneelsehere,Ihavenodesiretobe.I’mokayonmyown.”
“Idon’tbelieveyou.”
Isnapmyattentiontohim.“Excuseme?”
“Idon’tbelieveyou.Yousawsomeoneinthecrowd.Butifyoudon’twanttotellme,sobeit.Idon’tcarewhoitwas.”
Ishoulddenyit,buthecanseestraightthroughme.“Whynot?”
“Becausethere’snotasinglepersonatthispartywhocanstopmefromdoingwhatIwant.”
Thethrillthatracesdownmyspineisreasonenoughonitsowntogetthehelloutofhere.I’msupposedtobehavingfun,notfallingintodevastatinglustwithahandsomestranger.
ButIcan’tleave.Becauseforthefirsttimein…well,maybeforever,Ifeelsafe.Ifeellike,ifmystepfatherwalkedthroughthisdoor,thismanwouldputhimselfbetweenhimandmewithouthesitation.
“Idon’tneedyoutoprotectme.”
Hedrumshisfingeronthesideofhisglass.“IsawyoutrytofendoffStefanosdownstairs.Youdidyourbest,butitwasn’tquiteenough,wasit?”
“Idon’tliketowhipmykung-fuoutoncivilians,”Ijokelamely.“Iprefertohandlethingsnonviolently.”
Hechuckles.“Asyoushould.Me,though?Ihaveadifferentapproach.”Hefingerstheedgeofhislapel,whichwouldnormallybefineanddandy,butsinceI’mtheonewearingthejacket,thosefingertipsareventuringjustalittletooclosetomybarechest.“Ithinksomethingsshouldbehandledrighttothepointofbreaking.Again,andagain,andagain.Andthen—onlywhenthey’veproventheydeserveit—thenyougivethemthelittlebitofviolencethey’vebeenaskingfor.”
“Oh…well,that’s…certainlysomething.”Iswallowpastamassiveknotinmythroat.“ButIcanhandlemyselfjustfine.”
Consideringtheheatbrewinginsideofme,I’lldefinitelybehandlingmyself,alright.Maybetwoorthreetimesinarow.
Iformulatedmyopiniononmenlikethisonealongtimeago.Rich,powerfulmeninexpensivesuitswhodrinkagedcognac.Theyareusedtogettingwhattheywantinlifeandnothingless.Whenit’sdeniedtothem,theyaren’tafraidtotakeitbyforce.
Standinghereinnothingbutajacket,agentlebuzzbrewinginmyveins,Ishouldbeterrified.Hecouldtakeadvantageofme.Hecouldforcemeoutofthisjacketifhechose.
Buthewon’t.
Idon’tknowhowIknowthat,butIdo
“Youknow,Ishouldprobablygo.”
Themomentthewordsareoutofmymouth,Iknowit’stherightchoice.GetoutofherebeforeIdosomething—orsomeone—I’llregret.Plus,Ihaven’tseenJorden.I’msureshehasdownedseveralmoreflutesofchampagnesinceIlefther.She’sgoingtobedrunkandshe’llneedmyhelpgettinghersloppyselfhome.
“Afterallthat,you’regoingtoleavewithoutsayinggoodbye?”
Hisvoiceiswarmmolassesinmyear,smoothandrich.
Ilooktomyrightandseethedoor.Theexit.
AndIknowimmediatelythatI’mnotgoingtotakeit.
Dammit.Iwassoclosetodoingtherightthingforonce.
“Foraheadofsecurity,you’reawfullypresumptuous,”Icroak.
Hearchesaneyebrowandlaughs.“Foranakedwomaninmyoffice,you’reawfullyfeisty.”
“I’mnot—Wait.”Thewordsfreezeonmytongue.EveryinchofmeicesoveruntilI’maglacierinthisman’sstrongarms.“Didyoujustsayyouroffice?”
PrinceTestosterone’sgrinticksonenotchwider.“Idid.I’mIvanPushkin.It’sapleasuretomeetyou.”8CORA
Hisnameisringinginmyears.HeisIvan.Ivanishim.I’minaroomalonewiththemaneveryoneelsewantstobealoneinaroomwith.
Holyfuckingshit.
“Wow.Uh,okay.Well,itwasgreattomeetyouaswell,butlikeIsaid,Ireallyshouldgo.Thisisn’tmyscene.”
“No?Thentellmewhatsceneyouprefer.”
“Iknowyoucan’timagineaworldbeyondthesepalacewalls,”Isay,sarcasmoozingoutofeveryword.“Butsomeofusdon’tliveinafairytale.Someofusliveintherealworld.Withbillsand9-to-5jobsand…and…andwehavetowashourowndishes.”
“Sowashingdishesisyourscene?”
“Maybe!”Icrossmyarmsandtakeastepawayfromhim.“Notallofit,obviously.Ihave…Ihaveotherstuff,too.”
“Dotell.”
Hedrawsclosertome.Therestoftheworldblotsoutinstantly.It’slikeaconeofsilencehasdescendedoverus.It’smeandIvan.Ivanandme.
Nothingelseexists.
“Ihave…friends.”
Henods,wavingmeon.
“JordenandF—”Istopmyself,rememberingmylies.“Jorden.Iworkwithher.”
“Onefriend.Quitethescene.”
Now,IknowI’mnotimaginingit—that’sdefinitelyjudgment.
“I’msureyouandyouroh-so-closegroupofhundredsofvagueacquaintancesherecan’trelate.It’ssonormaltohaveapartywhereeveryoneinattendanceisonlytherebecausetheywanttomarryintoyourfamilyfortune.IsthatwhatIshouldstrivefor?”
Heshrugs.“Striveforwhateveryouwant.Yousaidyouweren’theretomarryme,butifyou’vechangedyourmind,you’rewelcometojointhequeue.”
“That’snotwhatI—oh,forGod’ssake,I’mnottalkingaboutwantingtomarryyou!That’snotwhyI’mhere.”
“Thentellme:whyareyouhere?”
Ican’thelpbutfeellikehealreadyknowswhatI’mgoingtosaybeforeIevensayit.Maybethat’swhyItrytothrowhimoffwithsomethingunexpected
“Togetthescooponyouandsellittothegossipmagwiththehighestbid.”
IdeliverthelinewithasmuchconfidenceasIcanmusterinmysuitjacketensemble.Heimmediatelylaughsrightinmyface.
“No,you’renot.”
Ibristle.“Itwouldn’tbethathardifIwas.Everyonehereiswhisperingaboutyou.”
Heleansinclose.Icatchahintofsandalwood.Richpeoplesoap,Ithink.Mymomkeptsandalwoodhandsoapinherandmystepfather’smasterbathroom.Weirdly,thesmelldoesn’tbringbackbadmemoriesnow.Ijustwanttoleanincloser.
“Everyoneisalwayswhisperingaboutme,”hesayssoftly.“Itcomeswiththeterritory.”
“TheterritoryofbeingasrichasGod?”
“That,”heagrees.“Andalsotheterritoryoflookinglikeone.”
“Oh,gross.Wereyouthiscockyaminuteago?Idon’trememberfeelingthisconstanturgetorollmyeyes.”
Hesmiles,notbotheredintheleast.“Youcameherewithyourfriend.”
“Isthataquestion?”
“No.I’mjusttryingtounderstandifthisisadualinvestigativeoperationyou’reperforming.”Heflicksafingerinmydirection.“Andifyourdressmishapwassomekindofdistraction.Ifso,itwas…thorough.Iwasquitedistracted.”
Mybodyflushes.I’dgiveanythingtobeinsweatpantsonmycouchrightnow.Farfromthisworldandthismanandhisintoxicatingattention.
“DidyoucheckwiththesecurityatthegatetoseewhoIcamewith?Orwereyouwatchingmeoncamera?”Ilookaroundthehallwayceiling.“Howmanycamerasareinthishouse?”
Hisfaceremainsperfectlyneutral.“IliketolearnmoreaboutwhoI’veinvitedintomyhouse.I’msureyoucanunderstand.”
I’msureIabsolutelycannot.Ifsomeoneisinmyhouse,Ialreadyknowwhotheyare.Mostlybecausemyapartmentisonlyfivehundredsquarefeet,notfivehundredrooms.
IcouldtellhimI’mnotFranciaDelacourandIonlyusedhernametogetinside,butthenhe’daskmyrealname,andthatwouldopenupacanofwormsI’dreallyprefertostayclosed.
I’mstillfumblingforwhattodoandsaywhenhesuddenlyplacesahandonmyhipandpullsmeintohim.
“Youseemonthefenceaboutwhetheryou’reinterestedinme,”hemuses.
“Thenletmeclarifyforyou:I’mnot.”
Hepressesapalmtohischest.“Aweakermanwouldbehurtbythat.”
“It’sagoodthingyou’renotweak,then.”
“Averygoodthing.”Helooksatme.“You’renotweak,either.WhenStefanosgrabbedyou,youdidn’thesitatetoputhiminhisplace.”
“Heputhishandsonme,soIputmyhandsonhim.”
Ivan’sdarkbrowarches.“Isthatallittakes?”
Igulp.There’snomissingthedarkflirtation.“You’rethestaroftheshowhere.I’msureyouhavewaysofgettingwhatyouwantoutofpeople.”
“I’mnotsureawomanlikeyouwillfallformyusualtricks.”
Oh,howwrongheis.IthinkI’mfallingforthemrightnow
Ibitethecornerofmyliptohideasmile.“ItreallybothersyouthatI’mnotinterested,doesn’tit?I’msureyouaren’tdeniedthingsyouwantveryoften.Thismustbeanewexperienceforyou.”
“Nothinghasbeendeniedyet,”hesays,hisvoicealowrumble.
He’sright.Witheverywordspoken,IfeellikeI’mwalkingtowardstheedgeofacliff.Thewindiswhippingthroughtheopendoorsandmystomachiscratering.
Ivantakesanothersteptowardsme.We’reonlyafewinchesapart.“Howdidyougetaninvitetothisparty?”
Iopenmymouthandcloseit,fumblingwiththeclumsytruth.“I,uh…”
“Thisisn’tyourscene,”Ivancutsinslowly.“Youdidn’trecognizemeearlier.Nowthatyoudo,youstillhavenointerestinmarryingme.I’masmartman,butIcan’tfigureoutwhatyou’redoinghere,Francia.”
“I’mherefor…for…forfun.”
“Howconvenient.”Hiseyesgleam.“Ihaveanideainthatregard.”
Thenhepullsmeinthefinaldistanceandpresseshislipstomine.9CORA
Hetasteslikecognacandbaddecisions
Icurlmyhandsthroughthedarkhairatthebackofhisneck.Hismouthpartsanddaresmein.ThesuitjacketslipswideasourbodiesslidetogetherandIvanworkshiskneebetweenmylegs.Igaspwhenhisthighdragsacrossmybareflesh.
“Ithoughtyouweren’tinterested,”hetaunts.
Myeyesarestillclosed,myheadspinning.Ifeeldrunk,butIknowIhaven’thadenoughtodrinkforthat.
“I’mnotinterestedinmarriage,”Icorrect.“Butthisis…”
Thisisreckless.
Thisiscrazy.
HishandsslipdowntomyhipsandhegrindsmemoreagainsthismuscularthighuntilI’mquivering.“You’vegotmeontheedgeofmyseat,princess.Thisiswhat?”
Hecalledme“princess,”butI’mnotthat.I’mnotthegirlwhogetsPrinceCharmingandridesoffintoherhappilyeverafter.
ButIcanhavethis,can’tI?Stolenmomentswithadarkprinceallmyown.ApeekintotheglitteringworldoftheyouththatIfledfrom.
“Afairytale,”Itellhim.“It’safantasy.”
IvanwalksmebackwardsuntilI’mflatagainstthewall.Hishandsskateunderthelapelsofhisownjacketandteasealongmyheatedskin.
“Luckyforyou,fantasiesarewhatI’mgoodat.”
Desirecoilsinmychest,eageranddemanding.“Isthatso?Haveyoubeenfantasizingaboutthis?”
Henodsshamelessly,hisstubbledcheekraspingagainstmyface.“SincethemomentIwalkedinandsawyoustandinginmyoffice.Itwastheperfectplan,ifI’mbeinghonest.”
“Getnakedandthrowmyselfatyou?”
“Getnakedandtellmeyoudon’twantme.Itleavesmewithnochoicebuttoproveyouwrong.”
Hedragsafingerupmyinnerthighandthroughmywetness.WhenIspreadmylegsapartforhim,heworksthatfingerintomeonefractionofaninchatatime.Mywholebodyrockswitheverypulse.I’mclampingmyteethdownashardasIcan,butthepressureisbuildingandbuildingandI’mterrifieditmighttearmeapartwhenitfinallyerupts
Hislipsarehotonmyneck.Beneathmyearlobe.Hisotherhandteasesmynippleintoapainfulpeak,thensqueezesmyhipandencouragesmetoridehispalmastheorgasmintensifiesinsideofme.
Mybreathcatches.I’mtightfromheadtotoe,tightenoughtosnap,tightenoughtocrumble.Andthen:“Oh,fuckingGod,”Igaspasitexplodesinsideofme.I’mgladhe’shereandhe’sstrong,becauseifIdidn’thavehimtoholdonto,I’dbeapuddleonthefloor.
Andhe’snotdoneyet.
“Now,”hemurmursinadark,steelysnarl,“letmeshowyoujusthowwrongyouare.”
Hereachesbetweenusandfreeshimselffromhispants.Ihavetostifleagaspwhenhespringstolifeinmyhand.He’shardagainstmypalmandsounbelievablybigthatIfeelatwistoffearinmygut.Surelythat’snotabouttogoinsideofme…
Right?
Mybodyisshaking.Itcouldbefromthechillonmynakedness,butIknowbetter.Thisisabone-deepshiver.Adrenalineiscoursingthroughmyveinsandmyvisionisgoinghazy.
Iwrapmyhandaroundhiscockandpresshimagainstme.HeteasesmyopeningandIcan’thelpbutbuckagainsthim.Heslipsaninchin,thenretreatsagain.Hepausesthere.
Soclosetonirvana.
Soclosetosalvation.
Soclosetoavery,verybadidea.
ShouldIbedoingthis?IvanPushkinisdangerous,orsoI’mtold.Nothingaboutthisissmart.AnyonecouldwalkinonusandIdon’twanttobeknownastheeasygirlwhofucksbillionairesinthedarkcornersofparties.
ButIalsodon’twanttobethedead-insidegirlwhoworksnonstopandlivespaychecktopaycheck.Forjustafewminutes,Idon’twanttobethescaredlittlekittenwhoisrunningfromherpastanddoesn’thaveaplanforherfuture.
IwanttobethewomanthatIvanthinksbackonlongafterhe’smarriedtowhateverbrainlessbimbohe’sgoingtochoose.Iwanttobethewomanwhosurprisedhimandchallengedhim.
Tonight,Iwanttobetheheroineofthisstory.
SoIbitehisneckandpullhimtherestofthewayintome.
IvanthrustsinasItightenmylegsaroundhiswaist.WecrashtogetherinonesmoothstrokeandIarchmybackasaninvoluntarygaspripsoutofme.
“Oh,God,”Iwhimper.
He’severywhere.Witheverythrust,thepressureinsideofmegrowsandshifts.It’slikeI’mbeingrippedapartattheseams,stretchedbeyondthenormallimitsofwhatahumanshouldbeabletohandle—andmyGod,itfeelssofreakinggood.
“Whatisthis?”Iwhisper.“Whyisthis…Thisissogood.”
Itfeelssillytobeshockedbygoodsex.Butinmyexperience,sexismoreofaformality.Sure,itcanoccasionallybenice,butitisn’tearth-shattering.Itdoesn’tteardowneverythingyouthoughtyouknewandrebuildit.
Sexshouldn’tmakeyouquestionthepurposeoflife.
Butthissexdoes.
Ivanshiftsmyhips,leaningmebacktotakemeatanewangle.HehitssomethingdeepinsideofmeandIcryout.
“Thereitis,”hegrowls.Hepressesmeagainstthewallandclampstheflatofhishandovermymouth.“Screamforme.Screamforme,baby,andletmeswallowupeverybitofit.”
Hedrivesintomeagainandagain.Whoeversaidmenmoaningisn’thotdidn’tknowwhatthehelltheyweretalkingabout,becauseeverytimeanewbreathlesssnarlpassesIvan’slips,Igetanothernotchclosertoexploding.
Hebendsdownandpullsmybreastintohissinfulmouth.HistongueflicksovermynippleuntilI’mpracticallybentbackwardsfromhowgoodeveryinchofhimfeels.
“Comeforme,”hecommands.“Letgo.”
That’sallittakes—anotherorgasmtearsthroughme.Ivan’shandisstillovermymouth.Ibitedownonhisskintostopfromcryingout.
“Fuck!”hespits,buthedoesn’tpullhishandaway;hejustdrivesintomeharder.Punishingmewithmore,more,moreofhim.
UntilIclamparoundhim,pulsingandshakingfromheadtotoe.Thenever-endingorgasm.
“You’resofuckingtight,”hegritsout.
ThenIvancomes,too.
Hepulsesintome,spillinghisownpleasureuntilwe’rebothpantingandlimponthesideofhishouse.
Iwanttosoakupeverysecondofthisfantasy.Idon’twanttoletamomentslipawayunenjoyed.Butthesoundsofthepartyonthelawnbelowarestartingtobreakthroughourlittlebubble.SomeoneinthecrowdcallsoutIvan’sname.
“Whereishe?”awomanshouts.
Ivanpusheshisjacketoffofmyshoulderandpressesakisstothebareskinthere.“Incredible.Fuckingincredible.”
“Acceptable,”Icorrect.Itrytosoundnonchalant,joking,butmyvoiceistrembling.Icanfeelmythighsshakingstill.
Heopenshismouthtosaysomething,butthenadifferentloudvoiceboomsoutinstead.“IvanPushkin,youarewanted.”
Forasecond,IthinkitmightbeGodHimselfbreakinginfromtheheavenstoremindmethatIvanPushkinisthisparty’smosteligiblebachelorandIdon’tstandachanceinsnaringhim.
ThenIrealizeit’sjusttheDJmakingaformalcallthroughthespeakers.
Hepresseshisforeheadtomine.“Fuckthisparty.Let’sgotomyroomandseeifyoucanscreamanylouderthanthat.”
I’mtempted.Thedesiretostretchthisfantasyintoanentirenight—totangleupwithhimuntilmorning—isstrong.Butitwouldbeamistake.
“Youhaveguests,”Idemure.
“Idon’tcareaboutmyguests,Francia,”hesayssimply.“I’mmoreinterestedinyou.”
Thewrongnamewashesovermelikeabucketoficewater.Itrinsesawaywhateverisleftofthefairytalemomentwejustexperienced.
Hedoesn’tknowme.Hedoesn’tevenknowmyrealname.
Noneofthisisreal.
Morecriesof“Ivan!”riseupfromthecrowd.
“Thenativesaregrowingrestless,”Isaywithasmallsmile.Ishoveawayfromhischestonshakylegs.“Goappeasethem.I’llmeetupwithyoulater.”
Hisjawworksbackandforth.Thenhegripsmychinwithhisthumbandforefinger,anglingmyfaceuptohis.“Don’tyoudarerunoffonme.”
“Iwon’t,”Ilie.IpointdowntothehighheelsI’mstillwearing.“I’mnotwearingtherightshoestoflee,remember?”
Hiseyestraceovermybodyashetakesastepback.“Later.”
Thatsinglewordholdsadirtypromise.OneIdesperatelywishIcouldkeep.
ButIcan’t.
Withonefinalnod,Ivandisappearsthroughthedoor.
Assoonashe’sgone,Ifollow.
IseeJordenquickly.Sheisloungingagainstapillar,adrinkinhand,chattingwithahandsomeyoungmanwithwaytoomuchproductinhishair.AsIpassher,Idon’tevenbreakstride;Igrabherhandandpullheralongwithme.
“Hey!”sheyelps,droppingherglass.
Ihearitshatteragainstthepavement,butIdon’tletgo.
“Cora,”shecomplains.“Whatareyoudoing?Wherearewegoing?”
Ipullherthroughasidegateandaroundtotheemptyfrontyard.Iholdfirmlyontoherhand.“Backtoreality.”10IVAN
IcanstillfeelFrancia’sheatwrappedaroundmycockwhenYashastepsinfrontofme.
“I’vegotbadnews.”
“Idon’twanttohearbadnews.”Iwavehimaway.“Talktomeaboutitlaterwhen—”
“Konstantinwantstotalktoyou,”heblurts.
Ispinaround,glaringathim.He’sgesturingbehindme,butIignorehim.“Thentellhimthathecanf—”
“Hello,Ivan.”
Iwince.Theroboticvoicebehindmecanonlybelongtooneman.
IturnaroundandfaceKonstantinSokolov.Helooksevenpalerupclose.Hisblueeyesarewashedoutinthewarmglowofthestringlights.Insteadofofferinghisskinawarmtint,helookssallow.Almostsickly.Nothingnewforhim
“Youmadeit,”Idrawl.“Whatatreat.”
Iwouldhavepreferrednottoputhimortherestofhissour-facedbroodontheguestlist.ButexcludingthemwouldhaveinvitedevenmoredramaIdidn’twant.
Helaughswithoutadropofhumorinit.“I’mtoooldforeventslikethis.Thesepartiesarefortheyoung.”
“Sothenwhyareyouhere?”
IfeelYashaprodmeintheback.Careful,he’swarning.Playnice.
ButI’mnotthrowingKonstantinoutonhisass.AsfarasI’mconcerned,thatisplayingnice.
“We’vebeenfriendsforalongtime,”Konstantinsays.Whenheseesmyface,hecorrectshimself.“Ourfamilieshavebeenallies,rather.I’veknownyourfatherformanyyears.He’sagoodman.Anhonestman.Heisamanofhisword.”
IhavetostopmyselffromspittingontheflooratKonstantin’sfeet.Anyonewhothinksmydadishonorabledeservesnothinglessthanthat.
“It’sashameheisn’ttheoneontheauctionblock,”Ireply.“Thewayyoudescribehim,he’dbesnatchedupinaminute.”
Konstantinisn’tamused.Heneveris.InallthetimeI’veknownhim,I’veneverseenhimsmile.
Exceptthedayhelookedmeoverlikehewasinspectinglivestockandthenshookmyfather’shandtosealadealIneverwanted.
“Itlookslikethe‘auction,’asyoucallit,isgoingwellenoughforyou.Plentyofwomenshowedup.Doyouplantoacceptthehighestbid?”
It’sasimpleenoughquestion,butIknowwhatheisreallyasking.
“Idon’tintendtoannouncemyengagementtomorrow,ifthat’swhatyoumean.”
“Soyouhaven’tmetawomanspecialenoughtoturnyourheadyet?”
Francia’sfacecomestomymind.Anot-insignificantpartofmehopesI’llfindherinmyofficewhenIfinallygetawayfromKonstantin.
Butmaybeit’sbestifthat’snotthecase.Itcouldneverlast.Konstantinmaynotthinkso,butI’mamanofmyword,too.I’vemadepromisesIhavetokeep.PromisessomeonelikeFranciacouldneverfitinto.
“NooneIplantomarry,”Ianswersimply.
Henods.“Smartman.You’rewaitingfortherightwoman.Asyoushould.Butyoudon’thavetowait.Ihaveplentyofdaughters.”
Immediately,IfeelYashatuggentlyonthebackofmyshirt.HeknowswhatI’mthinkingbeforeIcanevensayit.Butnothingcankeepthedisgustoffofmyface.
“Youroldestisn’teventhirteen,”Ihiss.
“Thenbepatient.YourfatherandIworkedoutanalliance.Thereisstilltimetomakeithappen.Katerinacanbereplaced.”
Whatalovingfather,swappingouthisdaughterslikepawnsonachessboard.MaybemyownfatherhasauseforsomeonelikeKonstantinSokolov,butIdon’t.Ourfamilies’alliancewillendwhenIampakhan.
Ileanin.“Everyonecanbereplaced.”
Hestiffens,butIbrushpasthim,headedbackintothepartytolookfortheonlypersonwhomightbeanexceptiontothatstatement.
Ican’timaginereplacingthewomanImettonight—Francia,ifthatisevenherrealname.That’swhyit’sevenmoreimportantthatIfindher.Themomentwesharedtonightwasexactlywhatshesaid:afantasy.
Butreallifeisnofantasy.
Nothingandnooneiseverasgoodastheyseem.11IVAN
PeoplecallouttomefromthecrowdasIwadethrough.Otherssaymynameinhushedwhispers,gigglingwiththeirfriends.Iignorethemallandslicethroughthegrasstowardsthestage.Thebandissoftlyplaying,buttheyfadeoutasImountthesteps.BythetimeIgrabthemic,they’vegonequiet.
There’sasharpshriekoffeedbackthroughthespeakers.Theneveryeyeisonme.
Ididn’thaveaplanforwhatIwasgoingtosaywhenIstartedwalkingthisway.Butnow,there’sonlyonethingworthmentioning.
“Thepartyisover.”
Disbelieving,unfamiliarfacesstareupatme.Peoplewaitforapunchlinethatwillnevercome.
“Thanksforcoming.Seeyourselvesout.”Ipointtowardsthegates.“Now.”
Idropthemic,sendingaresoundingthudandanotherscreechoffeedbackthroughtheparty.
AsImakemywaybacktothehouse,nooneapproachesme.Forthefirsttimeallnight,I’mgivenawideberth.LikeI’msuddenlycontagious.
It’safuckingrelief.
Yashaisstandingbythepatiodoors,hislipspressedintoafirmline.“Yourdadisgoingtobepissed.”
“TellsecuritytostopFranciaatthedoor.”
Hefrowns.“Who?”
“FranciaDelacour,”Isnapimpatiently.“She’swearingmysuitjacket.Onlymysuitjacket.Iwanttotalktoher.Don’tletherleave.”
“Oh,shit,”Yashalaughs.“Soundslikeyoualreadydidmorethantalktoher.”
“Now,Yasha.”
Yashasensestheurgencyinmyvoiceandholdsuphishandsinsurrender.Hepullsouthisphonetorelaymyordertothesecurityteam.Inthemeantime,Iturnbacktothedepartingcrowd.
Forlornfacesslatheredinmakeupglancemyway.ButIdon’tseeFranciaamongthem.
Sheshouldn’tbehardtocatch.Darkhair.Nudeexceptformysuitjacket.Someonewillspother.Surelysomeonewillspother.
Thatassurancefadesasthecrowdthins
“Noonehasseenher,”Yashatellsmefifteenminuteslater.“Shemighthaveleftbeforeyoucalledthepartyoff.”
“Idon’twanttohearwhereshe‘might’havegone.Wedon’tspendhundredsofthousandsonsecurityfor‘might.’Fuckingfindoutwhereshewent.Now.”
“What’sthedealwiththisgirl?Doyouknowher?”
Iundomytieandthrowitatthestairs.“No.That’stheproblem.”
“Youdidn’tknowhalfofthepeoplehere,andyoucouldcareless.”
“Thosepeopledidn’tbreakintomyofficeand…”Myvoicetrailsoff.Ididn’tintendtosharethattidbit.Therearenocamerasinmyoffice,despitethewayImadeitsoundtoFrancia.Ourmomentwillforeverremainprivate.
Yashastandstall.“Youthinkshewassentheretogatherinformation?Whosenther?”
Iconsiderthequestion.IfFranciawasaspy,Iwouldhaveknown.Iwouldhaverealized.Shetoldmeshewasareporter,whichwasclearlyalie.
ButIdon’thaveanyotherreasontocarethismuchaboutwhereshewent.
“That’swhatyou’regoingtofindout.Trackherdown.Tellmewhenyouhave.”
Yashanodssolemnly.“We’llhaveherbymorning.”
Damnrightwewill.
Noonecanhidefromme.12CORA
I’llnevertakepantiesforgrantedagain.
EvenworkingtheearlyshiftatQuinta?o’swithahorriblyhungoverJordencan’tbringmedown.I’mclothedandfar,farawayfromtheinfluenceofIvanPushkin.
Lifeisgood.
“Howistheremoregumunderthistable?”Jordenisdoubledover,headunderbooththirteen.“Ijustcleanedit,like,twodaysago.”
“Middleschoolers,”Icall.
Aregulargroupofscrawnymiddle-schoolboysalwaysclaimthatboothonSundaymornings.Theybuynothingbutsodaandoneappetizertoshareandtheyalwaystipinpennies.Iwouldn’tmindsomuchiftheydidn’talsoleavetheirchewinggumplasteredunderthetable.
Jordenstampsherfoot.“I’mnotlettingthemintoday.Theycanfindsomewhereelsetoeat.”
“Right,”Isay,sarcasmthick.“Andyou’llsaythatevenwhentheytellyouyou’retheprettiestwaitressthey’veeverseen?Orwhentheyaskforyourphonenumberandslipyoulittlelovenotesonthebackoftheirnapkins?”
Jordensmirks.“MaybeIwouldn’tbesostarvedforattentionifyouhadn’tdraggedmeawayfromHotAthlete.”
“Thefactthatyou’recallinghim‘HotAthlete’insteadofanamedoesn’tbodewellforthestrengthofthatrelationship.”
“Screwthe‘strengthoftherelationship,’”Jordensays.“Hewasanathlete.Thatmeansstamina,Cora.Power.Flexibility.Areyouhearingme?Areyouunderstanding?”
Iwrinklemynose.“Everyoneunderstands.You’regross.”
“Saystheskankwhocamehomeinnothingbutaman’ssuitjacket!”
Ihissandspintowardstheswingingkitchendoors.They’restillclosedandIcanhearthekitchenstaffclangingpotsaround,soFranciaprobablycan’thearus.Butstill—bettersafethansorry.
IwhirlbacktofaceJorden.“We’renottalkingaboutthat,”Isaythroughgrittedteeth.“I’mgoingtorepairthatveryexpensivedressandgetitbacktoFrancia.Noonewilleverknowithappened.”
That’stheplan,anyway.IshovedthedressinmypursebeforeIleftIvan’soffice.BythetimeIgothomelastnight,Iwastoowounduptothinkaboutit.ThenIwokeupandcamerightintoworktoday.I’llcheckthedamagewhenIgetbacktomyapartmentaftermyshift.
“Sowhathappened?Diditjustripor—”
“Itoldyou:thatdrunkguygrabbedme.”
Shesnapsherfingers.“Idorememberyousayingthat.Ithink.It’shazy.”
“Becauseyouwerebarelyconsciousontheridehomelastnight.”
“Nojudgment,”sheremindsmewithascoldingfinger.“Wewerehavingfun.Iwouldn’thaveseemedsodrunkifyou’dalsobeendrinking.”
Iholdupmyhandsinsurrender.“You’reright.Nojudgment.Butthatgoesbothways.”
Jordenconsiders,hermouthtwistedtoonesideasshecleansoffthesix-topinthemiddleofthediningroom.“Okay,but…”
“Noexceptions!”
Shewinces.“Okay—exceptyoucamehomewithnopanties,soIwanttoknow—”
“Lalalalala!Ican’theaaaryou!”Isingoverher,drowningouthervoice.
Jordengroans.“Fine!Don’ttellme.Youprobablyhookedupwithabazillionaire,butwhywouldIwanttohearthatstory?It’sonlymyentirelifegoal.”
“Datingaguylikethatisnotyourlifegoal.”
“You’reright,”shedeadpans.“MygoalistobeawaitresshereuntilIdie.BecauseI’llnevermakeenoughtoretire.Pension?Whoneedsit!I’llpayforanursinghomewithmymiddle-schoolboytipsand$2.13anhour.”
Ireplacethesaltandpeppershakersonthetableswithfreshonesandchecktheclockhangingabovethefakeivywreath.Weopenforthebrunchcrowdintenminutes.Joy,ohjoy.
“Nothanks,”Jordensays,continuingherrant.“Iplantofindmeasweetlittlesugardaddy.Thatpartywaschockfullofthem.”
IfJordenknewwhathavinga“sugardaddy”wasreallylike,shewouldn’twantitsobad.
Icouldtellher.Icouldwalkherthroughmymom’slife.Throughwhatwassupposedtobemylife.ButIdidn’trunawayjusttodivebackintothatcesspoolagain.
Cleanbreak.That’swhatIwant.WhichmeansIcan’ttellJordenthatI’veseenherfantasyupcloseandpersonal,anditdoesn’tlookanythingliketheadvertisements.
“Guysliketheonesfromlastnightwantgirlsinballgownswhoareeternallytipsyonchampagne.Theyaren’tinterestedinworkingclassgirlslikeus,”Isay.“Andit’stheirloss!We’reawesome.”
“Ineverwouldhavethoughtofyouasasnob,Cora.”
“I’mnotasnob!Ijust…”
“Youjustjudgepeoplebasedonhowmuchmoneytheyhave.”ShesmilesandshrugswhenIturntolookather.“It’sfine.Beasnobifyouwant.I’llstillloveyouevenwhenI’mrichbeyondbelief.”
Ithrowadamptowelovermyshoulderandleanagainstthecornerofthebooth.“It’snotthattheyhavemoney.It’sthatnoneofthemknowwhatit’sliketoworkforit.Theylookdownonpeoplewhodon’thavemoneyandtheythinktheyshouldbeinchargeofthemjustbecausetheywerebornwithaperfectcreditscoreandatrustfund.”
Jordenwrinkleshernose.“Sorry,babe.ButI’vebeenworkingforaslongasIcanremember.Ifamanwithdeeppocketswantstotakemeawayfromallofthisgumscraping,thenI’llgladlylethim.”
“Youwanttobedependentonaman?”
“IfitmeansIcanfinallybreathe,thenyeah.”Jordenwinksasshepasses,bumpingmyhipwithhers.“Butuntilthen,I’llsignonforthebrunchshiftwithyouandacceptcomplimentsfrommiddleschoolers.”
Justthen,Franciaswingsthroughthekitchendoorwithaheavysigh.“Wehavegottohiremorekitchenstaff.I’mnotgettingpaidenoughforthis.”Herhairisfrizzedoutaroundherfaceandhercheeksarered.
“JusttellDinoyouwon’thelphimwiththepastriesanymore.It’shisjob,”Itellher.
Shepuffsoutabreath,blowingherbangsoffofherforehead.“Iknow.Iwill.It’sjustthat,whenIdon’thelphim,werunoutofpastries.AndyouknowwhocustomersyellatwhenIdon’tbringthemacinnamonroll?I’llgiveyouahint:itisn’tDino.”
“Inaperfectworld,customerswouldn’tyellatanyone.Butiftheyhaveto,”Isay,mullingoverthewayDinoswatsatwaitresses’asseswithhisdishtowel,“itshouldalwaysbeDino.”
Franciabrightens.“Speakingofaperfectworld,howwaslastnight?”
Jordensqueals.“Girl,youmissedout.Thatplacewaswalltowallwithbeefcakes.”
“Ew.”Iwrinklemynose.“Idon’trememberseeinganybeefcakes.”
“Youprobablyjustrememberseeingone.”Shewagsherbrows.“Youwereallover—”
“Thesnacktable!”Iinterject.“Therewasacroquembouche.”
Jordenstaresatmeblankly.“Awhat?”
“Atowerofcreampuffswithcaramel.It’saFrenchdessert.They’relike—”
“Boring!”Jordenblares.Herhangoverisstilllingering,soshewincesatthesoundofherownvoice.“Ididn’teatathing.”
“HencethedrunkenstuporwhenIdraggedyououtofthere.”
ShelooksatFranciaandrollshereyes.“She’sexaggerating.Itwassomuchfun.Imetthisamazingguy.He’sanathleteand—”
Jordenrambleson.IlisteninonlysofarasIneedtomakesureshedoesn’tmentionIvan.
“—bicepslikeyouwouldn’tbelieve.”Jordenisstilltalkingamileaminute.“HepickedmeupandcarriedmelikeIwasnothing.IfeltlikeIwasonthecoverofoneofthosehistoricalromancenovelcovers.Youknow,withtherippedbodicesandflowinghair?Itwashellaromantic.”
Franciaturnstomethemomentthere’sabreakintheconversation.“Whodidyoutalkto,Cor?Thesethingscanbekindofsnobby.Hopefully,everyonewasnice.”
Jordensnorts.“Oh,theyweremorethannice.Corawasbusyentertainingallnight.”
I’llkillher.IsweartoGodIwill.Iloveher,butI’llkillher.
“Entertainingwho?”Franciaasks.
Ismileandwaveheraway.“Jordenwasenjoyingthefreechampagnetoomuchtoknowwhatwasgoingon.Ijustwanderedaroundandobserved.”
“Youhadtohavetalkedtosomeone,”shepresses.“Didanyoneaskwhoinvitedyou?Whatdidyoutellthem?”
Sheseemsoddlyinterestedinmyevening.Butshe’sprobablyjustwonderingwhatshemissed.
“Ionlyhadtotellthesecurityatthegateyourname.Otherwise,nooneasked,”Ilie.
Shefrowns,hermouthopeningtosaysomething.Butthebellsabovethefrontdoorjangle,cuttingheroff.
“Oh!”Jordenspinsaroundandlooksattheclock.“Wow.Weareopenalready.”
IhurryandfinishwipingdownthelasttwotableswhileFranciaslidesallthechairsontothefloor.
“Comeonin,boys,”Jordencallstoourcustomers.“Wejustopened,sogiveusasecondtogetourselvessorted.”Shepluckstheragoutofmyhandandslapsastackofmenusagainstmychest.“IneedsomemoreconcealerandavatofcoffeebeforeIcanservethattable.”
I’mnotsurewhatshemeansuntilIturnaround.
“Brawny”doesn’tbegintocoverit.Themenatthetablearehugeineverydirection.Thicknecks,eventhickerbiceps.Threeofthemaredeckedoutinallblacklikethey’restoppingforabitetoeatbeforetheycontinueontotheirdayjobsastopsecretninjas.
Exceptonemanwithhisbacktome.He’snarrowerthantheothers,leanerinawaythatI’vealwaysfoundmoreappealing.Ican’tdeterminemuchfromthebackofhishead,though.
Thepullofattractionbringswithitathreadofguilt.AsifIowethemanIspentlastnightwithatleasttwenty-fourhoursofemotionalmonogamy.It’sridiculous,ofcourse;IcanguaranteeIvanPushkinisn’tthinkingaboutmerightnow.SoIcanbeattractedtothebackofwhoever’sheadIdamnwellplease.
Withthat,Iplasteronmybestpeople-facingsmileandslidemenusacrossthetackysurfaceoftheirjust-washedtable.
“WelcometoQuinta?o’s.We’reservingbrunchrightnow,soyouluckygentlemengetourfullbreakfastandlunchmenu.Letmeknowwhatyou’reinthemoodforandIcanpointyoutotherightpageinthe—”
I’mhalfwaythroughmyspielbeforeIevenlookupatthemen.
Mymouthfallsopeninwhathastobeaveryunattractivegape.ButIcan’tsummontheenergytocloseit.
Allofmyenergyisdirectedatremainingstanding.
Atnotturningandfleeingintothekitchen.
AtnotthrowingmyselfdirectlyintoDino’sfreshvatoffryingoil.
BecauseasetofmoltenambereyesIneverthoughtI’dseeagainareblinkingupatme.There’snotasingledropofsurpriseintherestofhisgraniteexpression.
“Goodmorning,solnishka,”IvanPushkinsays.“Didyoumissme?”13CORA
Oh,shit.
Acrazed,maniclaughbubblesoutofmeand,evenwhenitfades,Istaygrinninglikeaclownonpartydrugs.“Wow.Theworldissosmall.Ican’tbelieveyou’rehererightnow.”
“That’stheonlythingyou’vesaidinthelasttwelvehoursthatIknowistrue,”IvanPushkinsaysdarkly.“Icantellyouweren’texpectingme.”
Myheartisahummingbird,flappinguselesslyagainstmyribcage.“No.No,Iwasn’t.ButI—Well,I’m,uh,Francia.”Iintroducemyselftotherestofthestone-facedmenatthetable.IhopetherealFranciaisinthekitchenbynowsoshedoesn’thearmeplay-actingasher,butIdon’thavetimetoturnaroundandcheck.“It’snicetomeetyouall.”
Themendon’trespond.Ivandoes,though.Withjustoneword.Asinglewordthatshattersmylieintoamillionpitifulpieces.
“Cora.”
Oninstinct,Iturntowardsthesoundofmyname.TowardsIvan.
Andjustlikethat,thegameisup.
Hesmiles,theedgesassharpasbrokenglass.“It’snicetomeetyou,too.”
Isagintomyself,eyespinnedtothefloor.“Okay,so…I’mnotFrancia.Youknowthat,obviously.Shewastheoneinvitedtoyourparty,notme.Iwasaguest.ButIneededhernametogetinside.ThenImetyouandIkeptusinghername.Idon’tknowwhyIdidit.Well,Ikindofknowwhy.Butit’scomplicated.Ishouldn’thave—”
I’minthemiddleofaramblingexplanationwhenthethreemenslideoutoftheboothinunison.
Istumbleback,eyesdartingfromonegoliathtotheother.Buttheydon’tpayattentiontome.Theysplitup,movinginthreedifferentdirections.
Onegoestothefrontdoor,onepushesthroughtothekitchen,andtheotherchecksthelonghallwaythatleadstothebathroomsandthemanager’soffice.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Icallout.
Noonebotherstoanswer.
Thekitchendoorswingsopen.FranciaandJordenareatthefrontofaveryconfusedprocessionoflinecooksandbusboys.
“You’reclosingearlytoday,”Ivanannounces.There’snothreatinhisvoice,butit’simpossibletomisstheauthority.“Enjoythedayoff.”
DinoscowlsatIvan.“Andwhothefuckareyou?”
Ivan’seyebrowgivesasubtlearch.“Noone.”
“Noone?”Dinoparrotsback.
Ivannods.“Exactly.Keeppracticingthat.I’mnoone.Yousawnothing.Sayituntilyoubelieveitifyoudon’twantanytrouble.”
It’salmostworsethathe’stalkingsoftly.Almostwarmly.There’saquasi-friendlinesstothewayheislayingdownexactlywhatisgoingtohappen.
Thefearliesintheunknownofwhathappenswhenhestopsbeingquitesofriendly.
Franciaraisesherhandlikeshe’sinschool.“Wecan’tleave.We’llbefired.”
Ivanturnstoher.“Thereareworsethingsthanbeingfired.JustworryaboutdoingwhatIsay,Francia.”
Shamecoilsupmyspine.Heknowshername.Heknowsmyname.
Whatelsedoesheknow?
“Idon’tcareaboutbeingfired,”Jordenspits.“WhatareyoudoingwithCora?”
Ishakemyheadather.Iappreciatetheconcern,butIdon’twantherinvolvedinwhateverthehellthisis.
AnothermanstepsforwardandushersJordenandFranciatowardsthefrontdoor.“Corawillbefine.Don’tworryabouther.”
Jordenturnsherdisgruntledgazetotheman.“Whoareyou?”
Hekeepsherdinghertotheexit.“MynameisYasha.Notthatthatmatterstoyou.”
YashaandJordendisappear.Franciaisalreadyoutsidewithoneofthebigthugs.Anothershepherdstherestofthekitchenstaffoutwithnothingmorethanbrief,confusedglancesinmydirection.AssoonastheyseeIvanwatchingthem,theysnaptheirattentionaway.Asifevenlookingatmemightbecrossingaline.
Icouldcryoutforhelp,butitwouldn’tmakeanydifference.
IvanPushkinalwaysgetswhathewants.
Andrightnow,forwhateverreason,hewantsme.
Whenwe’realone,Ivanflipstheopensignto“Closed”andturnsbacktome.I’mfrozeninplaceandflushedfromheadtotoeashesaunterscloser.“Youliedtome.You’renotFranciaDelacour.”
“I’malsonotaninvestigativejournalist.”Ithrowmyarmswide,gesturingtomypolyesterwaitressinguniform.“Incaseyoucouldn’ttell.”
Hesnatchesmywristoutoftheair.Mybreathcatchesinmythroat.“Whatisyouraim?”
“Idon’thavean‘aim.’”
Hiseyesnarrow.They’redangerouseyes—predatoryeyes.“Youloathedeverysinglepersonatmyhouse—myselfincluded—yetyouusedyourfriend’snametogetinsideandfindme.”
“Youfoundme,”Icorrecthim.“Itoldyoutoleavemealone,remember?”
“Andthenyoustrippednakedinmyoffice.”Asifrememberingthescene,hiseyesslipdownmybody.
Myskinprickleswithawareness.“Mydressfellapart.Ididn’thaveachoice!”
“Someonecoachedyouwell.Youhaveananswerforeverything.”
“Iwasn’tcoached.I’mnot—”Igroaninfrustration.“I’mtheonewholeftyou,remember?Youtoldmetostayandwaitforyou,butIleft.”
“Maybeyouleftbecauseyougotwhatyouwanted.”
“Oh,that’sright.”Isnapmyfingers.“Don’tyourememberreadingoffyourdebitcardandPINnumberbetweenorgasms?Thatwasmydastardlyplanandyoufellrightintomytrap.IfyouseeasuspiciouslyhighTargetchargeonyourcreditcardstatement,you’llknowwhichvillainisresponsible.”
I’mnotsurewherethisconfident,feistystreakhascomefrom,butit’stheonlythingkeepingmestanding.
“Idon’ttakeyouforawomanwhoissoeasilysatisfied.”
He’swrongaboutthat.Iwasveryeasilysatisfiedlastnight.Severaltimes,actually.
Isqueezemythighstogether,desperatelytryingtokeepasmuchbloodflowingtomybrainaspossible.
“Iwasatyourpartytohaveagoodtimeandletloose.That’sall.IfI’dknownwhoyoureallywere,Iwouldn’thavegoneanywherenearyou.”
“YouknewwhoIwaswhenwewerefucking,”hegrowls.“Thescaleswereunbalanced,itseems.YouknewwhoIwas,butIdidn’tknowwhoyouwere.”
“Andnow,you’retheonebreakingintomyplaceofworktothreatenme.IfIhadtomakeabetonwhichoneofushassuspectmotivations,Iwouldn’tputmoneyonme.”
Allatonce,hedrawsback.Thestormcloudonhisbrowclearstoafaintovercast.“I’mnotthreateningyou.”
“Whatdoyoucallthis?”Iscoff.
Throughthefrontwindow,IcanseeJorden’sponytailswishingbackandforthassheswaysfromonefoottotheother.Ihopeshe’sokay.Ihopethey’reallokay.
Ivanshiftsinfrontofme,blockingmyviewofthewindowandforcingmyeyesbacktohim.“Icallthisafact-findingmission.I’mheretofindoutwhothefuckyouareandwhatthefuckyouwant.”
“Well,whenyouasksonicely…”
Hisgrowlisadeeprumbleofthunderinhischest.“I’mnotgoingtohurtyou—unlessIhaveto.Thechoiceisyours.”
Istareathischesttoavoidbeingsuckedintothesexyvortexofhiseyes.“It’suptomewhetheryouhurtmeornot?Okay,great.ThencountmeasaloudandproudmemberofTeam‘Don’tHurtCora.’”
Ivancouldcrushmeunderfootifhewanted.Hecouldmakemedisappearwiththesnapofhisfingers.ButIrefusetobackdown.IrefusetoshrinkawaythewayIknowheexpectsmeto.
Icanfeelhimstaringholesintome.Aftersteelingmyself,Ifinallylookintohiseyes.
ButI’mstillnotready.
Instantly,I’mtakenbacktotheinkyshadowsofhispartywitheveryreasontoleave,butIcan’tforcemyselftomove.BecauseI’mtangledupinhiminawayIdon’tknowhowtoundo.
Doeshefeelthis,too?
Inanswer,hisgazedropstomychest.Thenhiseyeswiden,shocketchingintothelinesofhisface.
I’mabouttomakeajokeabouthowmypolyester-cladcleavagehasnevermadeanyonelooksohauntedbefore.ButbeforeIcan,withoutanounceofwarning,IvanPushkindropshisshouldersandtacklesmetothefloor.14IVAN
ForawomanwhothinksI’mheretohurther,Coraisbeingawfullymouthy.
Atthispointinmostofmybusinessdealings,peoplearepleading.Therearebowedheads,claspedhands,andbentkneesinvolved.Tearsaplenty.Maybesomeunintentionalpants-wettingonaparticularlypatheticday.
ButCoraliftsherchinandplantsallonehundredandthirtypoundsofherselffirmlyinfrontofme.
“It’suptomewhetheryouhurtmeornot?Okay,great.ThencountmeasaloudandproudmemberofTeam‘Don’tHurtCora.’”
I’mabouttotellherI’dratherbeonTeam‘MakeCoraScreamAgain.’
ThenIseealight.
Aredsniper’sdotinthecenterofherchest.
IactbeforeIevenrealizewhatI’mdoing.Idipmyshoulder,chargeforward,andwrapanarmaroundherwaist.Myotherhandcradlesinstinctivelyaroundthebackofherhead.
Shestartstoscream,buttheairwhooshesoutofheraswehittheground.Itaketheworstofthefall.Myknucklesbiteintothehardtilefloorandsplitopen.
“Whatinthehellareyoudoing?”sheshrieks.“Getoffofme!Letmeup—”
“Don’tfuckingmove!”
Ibandmyarmacrossherchesttoholdherdown…
Justastheroomimplodes.
Largewindowpanesadvertisingdulcedelechecrepes,southwesteggscrambles,andenchiladasasbigasyourheadshatterintheirframesandthenexplodeinward.Glassshardsanddustrainoverus.IthrowmyselfoverCora,shieldingherfromtheeruptionevenasmybackispeltedwithglassshrapnelandpainskittersacrossmyskin.
Forafewmoments,it’smayhem.
Thenitstops.Theworldgoeseerilyquiet.
Coraistuckedintomychest.Shewasafraidofmeasecondago,butnow,herfaceisburiedinmyshirt,herhandsfistingthemateriallikeshe’sfloatingouttoseaandI’mherlifepreserver.
“Ithinkit’sover.”
Myvoiceseemstoshakeherfromherstupor.Shepeeksherheadoutfromundermyarmandstareswide-eyedattheglass-coveredfloor.“Wasthatabomb?”
“Sniper.”
Shechokesontheword.“Asniper.Asniperwasgoingto…Holyshit.Yousavedmylife.”
“Don’tgettoofarintoyour‘thankyou’speech.Theshooterisstillalive.”
Thatrealizationsendshercurlingagainstmeonceagain.
Iriseuponmyachingkneeandofferhermyhand.Shetakesit,slippingherfingersintomine,andwecrawlaroundthebankofboothsinthemiddleoftheroomsowearefurtherfromthewindows.
Sheleansagainsttheseatnexttome.Sheisn’tweepingandcryingthewaysheshouldbe.Thewaymostwomenwould.
Withouttheadrenalineandthefeelofherbodyagainstmeasadistraction,angerrisesupinmychest.“Whatthefuckareyouinvolvedin?”
Sheturnstome.“Youthinkthiswasbecauseofme?”
“Noonetargetingmewouldlookinashitholelikethis.I’mstartingtothinkyoucouldbelyingtomeaboutawholelotmorethanyourname.”
Ihaveplentyofenemies,butnoneofthemsodesperateandsloppythatthey’dshootuparestaurantfullofinnocentciviliansinthemiddleoftheday.There’samissingpieceofthepuzzlehere.
“Iliedaboutmyname,butI’mnotlyingaboutthis.Nooneisafterme.”
She’slyingorshe’swrong.Idon’thavetimetofigureoutwhichone.NotuntilIsolvetheproblemfacingusnow
“Areyouokay?”Ifinallyask.
Sheturnstome,eyesnarrowed.“What?”
Irepeatthequestionslowly,asifshemightneedtimetounderstandeachindividualword.“Are.You.Okay?”
“Iheardyou,but…Yes.”Sherunsahandoverthebackofherheadlikeshe’scheckingtomakesure.“Yeah,I’mokay.Areyou?”
“I’mperfect.”
“Don’tweallknowit,”shemutters.
Iignoreherandflipontomykneesjustasthebackdooropens.Myhandmovestothegunonmyhip,butthenIhearYasha.
“Ivan?”
Good.He’salive.
“Overhere.Doyouhaveeyesonanyone?”
“Workingonit,”hesays.“Whoeveritwas,theydidn’tgoafteranyonestandingoutside.Theywereaimingforthewindows.Stayput;we’reclearingtheperimeter.”Thenhedisappearsbackoutsideagain.
“Wewerethetargets?”Coraisstillrestingagainstthesideofthebooth.Herkneesaretuckedagainstherchest,herarmswrappedaroundherlegs.She’slookingtomewithwide,greeneyes.
Ifshewasanyoneelse,I’dkillher.There’ssomethingsheisn’ttellingmeandshe’sputtingmeatrisk.
Butsheisn’tanyoneelse.She’s…
Well,Ihavenofuckingideawhosheis.Notreally.
Irestmyelbowonmykneeandlookintohereyes,levelingwithher.“Nowisthetimetobareitall,Cora.”
Hercheeksflush.“Wealreadyplayedthatgame.”
Irollmyeyes.“Ifyouhaveenemies,tellmenow.Yourlifecoulddependonit.”
“Idon’thaveanyenemies,”sheretorts.“Unlessyoucountyourself.”
Goodpoint.
Ihaven’tdecidedwhatIamtoheryet15IVAN
Yashacrashesthroughthebackdoorfifteenminuteslaterwithathrashingmaninhisarms.
“Enoughwiththeresisting,”hebarksatthepoorbastard.“You’recaptured.Giveitupalready.”
Themanfallstothegreasytilefloorandrisestohishandsandknees.Darkeyesbouncefromfacetofaceinhopeanddesperation.
“There’snowheretogo,”Iinformhimcoldly.
Thedoorleadingouttothealleyslamsclosedwithfinality,rattlingthestainlesssteelshelves.ImovedCoraintothekitchentogetawayfromthewindowsinthediningroom.Butwiththenumeroussinksanddrainsinthefloor,thiswillmakeanicekillroom,too.Bloodcleansupaboutaseasilyastomatosauce.
Themanstartstosaysomething,butIholdupahandandheimmediatelyclamsupagain.
Ipaceacrossthefloortowardsthemanandgestureforhimtositup.He’ssmallwithstockyarmsandlegs.Hisneckisthickandhisheadisbalding.Whenhesitsup,heglaresatme,lipcurled.
Ipromptlyslughimintheface.
Hecollapsesforwardagain,wheezingoutacurse.Coragaspsfromsomewherebehindme,butIcan’tthinkabouthernow.Ihavetostayfocused.
Icrouchdowninfrontofthemanwithasneeronmyface.“Whydidyoushootatus?”
Theman’seyesaredark.Heturnshisheadandspitsonthefloorbeforefacingmeagain.“Iwasn’tshootingatyou.”
“Oh,soitwasthewindowsyouwereafter.Wellthen,niceshot.Theyneverstoodachance.”
“Iwasaimingforher,”hehisses.
“Ah.”Ifrown.“ThenIstandcorrected.You’reafuckingterribleshot.”
“Itwasawarning.Iwantedtodrawyououtside.”HeleansaroundmetoseeCora.“Iwantedaclearshotather.”
MyfistconnectswithhissoftjawbeforeIcanstopmyself.
“Fuck!”hecomplainsashespitsoutabloody,brokentoothfragment.“Ifyou’regoingtokillme,justkillme.”
“Yousoundsurprisinglyeagerfordeath.”
Hespitsbloodandshrugs.“I’mdeadeitherway.Ifailedthemission.”
IfeelCorainchingcloser.Iholdoutanarmtostopherandshelaysherhandonmywrist.It’sasmallgesture.Justalighttouch.Butitisfarmoredistractingthanitshouldbe.Samegoesforherstrawberries-and-creamscentpoisoningmemoreandmorewitheverybreath.
“Whosentyouhere?”Igritout.
Heshakeshishead.“Ican’ttellyouthat.”
“You’redeadeitherway,”Iremindhim.“Nopointinbeingshynow.”
“I’mdead,eitherway,yeah.Butmyfamilyisanothermatter.IfItellyouwhosentme,they’redead,too.Unless…”
Inthecornerofmyeyes,IseeCora’sbrowsdrawtogether.There’sasmallscrapealongherjawfromtheglass.Ibarelystopmyselffromreachingouttodabthebloodaway.
Themanswallows.ThenbeforeIcansayanythingelse,themanlungesforwardather.
Shedoesn’tevenhavetimetoreactbeforeIgrabtheassassinbythethroatandthrowhimbackonthestainlesssteelcountertop.
“I’msorry!”Coragaspsasshelungesbackward.“Ididn’t—Ithought—”
“Don’tapologize.”Isqueezetheman’sthroat.Hewrapshishandsaroundmywrist,butitwouldtakethreeofhimandafuckingmiracletomakemeloosenmygrip.“That’shisjob.Comeonnow,mudak.Apologizetothelady.”
Hismouthopens,awheezeleakingoutofhiscollapsingwindpipe.
Iholdhimtighter.“Hurry.Apologizebeforeit’stoolate.”
Histonguelooksswolleninhismouth.Hiseyesarebulging.Helookslikeanoverripetomatoreadytopop.
“Ivan,”Corabreathesinwarning.
Shehasmercyforthemanwholungedforher,whoshotather—butIdon’t.Ifhedoesn’tdowhatIask,he’lldierighthere.Rightnow.
NooneisgoingtotouchCorabeforeIgetthechancetofigureoutwhatisrunningthroughthatgorgeousheadofhers.Whatsecretsarehidingbehindthosegreeneyesandpoutylips.
“S-sorry,”themanfinallyraspsout.Hiseyesarerollingbackinhisheadasthewordoozesoutofhim.
“There.Thatwasn’tsohard,wasit?”Iletgoandhesucksinairingreatwheezinggulps.“Now,tellmewhyyoushotather.”
Hehacksupaphlegmycough.Ifhewasgoingtolivetoseetomorrow,he’dbesore.
Asitis,thatwon’tbeaproblem.
“Targetpractice.”
Igrowlinfrustration,myhanditchingtowardshisneckagain.“Don’tfuckingplaywithme,mudak.YouknowwhatIwanttoknow.”
Hepressesahandprotectivelytohisneckandnods.“Iwassentheretomakesureshedied…soyoutwocouldn’tgetmarried.”
Fuck.Coraisindeedinvolved—butit’snotbecauseofanythingshedid.
It’sbecauseofme.
“Married?”Coraspits.“Wearen’t—Whywouldanyonethinkwewere—Whosentyouhere?”
Ileanforward,lookingintotheman’sbloodshoteyes.“Answerherquestion.”
Heclencheshisjaw.“Ican’t.Myfamily…They’llalldie.Everyoneofthem.Ican’t—”
Iholdupahandtosilencehim.“Iunderstandfamilyloyalty.You’reprotectingthem.There’shonorinthat.”
Yashashiftsintoview,aneyebrowraised.Aquestioninhisexpression.ShouldItakeCoraawayfirst?
Probably.Idon’tusuallyofferoutsidersafrontrowseattomycriminaldealings.ButIdon’twantheranyfartherawayfrommethansheisrightnow.NotuntilIknowwhoisafterherandwhyshemightbeafterme.
Igiveaquickshakeofmyheadandturnmyattentionbacktothewannabeassassininfrontofme.
“AllI’veeverdoneisformyfamily,”hesays.“Ineededthemoney.Idon’twanttokillpeople,butIhavetoeat.Youknow?”
Inod.“Iknow.Iunderstand.Weallhavetomaketoughchoices.”
Hesighs,reliefrollingoffofhim.“I’msogladyou—”
“Wealsohavetofacetheconsequencesofthosechoices.”
There’sabeatofhesitation.Ablissfulsecondwherehedoesn’tyetunderstand.
Andthenhedoes.
Hestiffens,butit’stoolate.Thegunisinmyhandandpressedtohistemplebeforehecanpleadforhispatheticlife.
Theshotringsout.
Corascreams.
Andthemanwhodaredtohurthergoesslitheringtotheground.16IVAN
“Calmdown.”
Cora’spanicisnatural.Butit’saninconvenience.There’snotimeforit.
IturnbacktolookatYasha.“Ineedyouto—”
“I’llcleanthisup.”HeinclineshisheadinCora’sdirection.“Takecareofher.”
We’vebeenworkingtogethersolongthatwehaveanaturalrhythm.Yashasetsaboutdraggingtheman’sbodyontothefloor.IturnbacktoCora.She’spressedinthecornerofthegreasykitchen,herfaceasicklyshadeofwhite.It’samirrorofhowwemetlastnight,butthestakesaretentimeshigher.
“Comewithme.”
Igrabherarm,butsheflinchesawayfromme.Shecowersagainstthesteelappliances.Herkneesstarttogiveway,herbodysinkingtowardthefloor.
Iholdherjustabovetheelbowsandpinheragainstthewallwithmyhips.Shetriestofight,butsheisn’tevenlookingatme.Shehasnoideawhatshe’sfightingagainst.
“Cora.”Sheisblinkingpastme,watchingYashadohiswork.Ishiftintoherlineofsightandgrabherchintobringhergazetome.“Cora.”
ThenamesuitshersomuchbetterthanFrancia.Thewayitrollsoffofmytongueisfamiliar.Lyrical.Almostsweettothetaste.
Herlashesflutter.Finally,she’slookingatme.Hergreeneyesclearandfocus.“Youkilledhim.”
“Hetriedtokillusfirst.Ithinkitwasjustified.”
“You…”Sheshivers.“Youshothiminthehead.”
“It’sabetterdeaththanhewouldhavegottenelsewhere.Hefailedhismission.Whoeverhiredhimwouldhavekilledhim,butmuchmoreslowly.”
Corablinksagain,hermouthopeningandclosing.Then,withoutwarning,sheslamsafistintomychest.“Whoareyou?”
“Youstolemyline.”
Herjawsetsascolorreturnstoherface,herlipsturningasoftshadeofpetalpink.“Youkilledaman,Ivan.Atmyjob!Whatthefuckishappening?”
Sheraisesherhandtohitmeagain,butbeforeshecan,Ipinherwristtothemetalovenaboveherhead.Ipressforwardsowe’reflush,myfacenomorethanacoupleinchesfromhers.Icanfeelthewarmexhaleofhershockonmychin.
“Don’teverraiseyourhandtome,Cora.”
“Oh,soyoucandishitout,butyoucan’ttakeit?”
“Ikilledhim,butIhaven’ttouchedyou.Notwithoutyoureagerandexpresspermission.”Iholdhersteadywithmyhips,refreshinghermemoryincaseshe’sforgottenaboutlastnight.“I’mbeinggentlerwithyouthanIshouldbe.Don’ttestme.”
Hereyessearchmyface.Whatevershefindstheremakeshereaseback.Herbodygoesslackbeneathmyweight,untilI’msatisfiedenoughtoreleaseherhand.
“Good.Now,comewithme.”
Thistime,whenIsayit,shelistens.Corawalkswithmeoutofthekitchenandintothediningroom.Glasscracksunderourfeet.Ihavetosweepshardsoffofaboothbeforewecansitdown.
Corasinksintotheflakingmaroonvinylanddropsherfaceintoherhands.“Thisistheworstdayever.”
“Firsttimebeingshotat?”Iaskconversationally.
Shescowlsatmefrombetweenherfingers,unamused.Thenshedropsherhands.“CanIleavenow?Idon’twanttobeapartof…ofwhateverthisis.”
“Thatmanwassentheretokillyou.You’realreadyapartofthis.”
“Yeah,but…”Shelowershervoiceandleanscloser.“He’sdeadnow.”
Ileanin,mockingherwhisper.“Thepersonwhohiredhimisn’t.He’llcomeforyouagain.”
Thatrealizationhitsherlikeaphysicalblow.Shesnapsbackagainstthebooth,eyeswide.“Someoneisafterme?”
“Allsignspointtoyes.”Iflickafewshardsofglassoffthetable.“You’vepissedsomeoneoffinamajorway.”
“How?Why?Isthisbecausewe…becausewe…”
“Fucked?”Iofferup.
Shegrimaces.“Becauseweslepttogether?IsoneofthosewomencomingaftermebecausetheythinkIwanttomarryyou?Ifso,justtellthemIhavezerointerest.”
Ipressahandtomychestinfauxoffense.“Ouch,Cora.Wordsareweapons,too,youknow.”
Sherollshereyes.“Weshouldn’tbejokingrightnow.Thisisserious!”
“IfIstoppedjokingeverytimeIhadtokillaman,I’dneverjokeagain.Whataterribleplacetheworldwouldbewithoutalittlehumor.”
Shestaresatme,disgustminglingwithherhorror.“Peopleatthepartysaidyouwereacriminal,butIdidn’treallybelievethem.Ithoughtyouwereinvolvedin,like,financialcrimes.Embezzlementorsomethinglikethat.”
“Iam.”
“Ofcourseyouare,”shemuttersbeforecontinuing.“Butthisis…ThisismorethanIbargainedfor.Ishouldhaveleftlastnight.Ishouldhavewalkedoutofyourofficeanddisappeared.”
“Butyoudidn’t.It’sjustlikeItoldyourwould-beassassinbackthere:everyonemakeschoicesandeveryonefacesconsequences.”Iholdoutmyarms.“I’myourchoiceandthisisyourconsequence,princess.”
“Don’tcallmeprincess,’”shehisses.“I’mnotyourprincess.I’mnotanythingtoyou.Weslepttogetheronetime.I’mnotgoingtoletthatruintherestofmylife.I’mleaving.”
“No,you’renot.”
Shestaresatme,asilentbattleofwills.Thenshestartstoslideoutofthebooth.
Beforeshecanreachtheedge,Iliftmylegandplantmyfootontheseat,blockingherpath.“Don’tmistakemysenseofhumorforweakness,Cora.Don’ttestme.Youwillnotwin.”
“Andwhatareyougoingtodo?Chainmeup?”
Shesaysthatasifitisn’tadistinctpossibility.Ijustkilledamaninfrontofher.ChainingherupbarelyregistersonthespectrumofterriblethingsI’vedone.
ButjustasIstarttoanswerher,anideacomestome.
Abadidea.PossiblytheworstoneI’veeverhad.
IcouldchainCoraup.Thatwouldbeonewaytohandlethings.ButtheassassinadmittedheshatteredthewindowstotrydrawingCoraoutsidesohecouldgetaclearshot.I’mnotgoingtodrawoutwhoeveriscomingafterherbykeepingherlockedaway.
Sheneedstobevisible.
Sheneedstobewithme.
“Actually,Ibelieveyou’llbetheballandchain.”
Hernosewrinkles.“Whatareyoutalkingabout?Whatdoesthatmean?”
Thewomanisdifficultalready.Thisplanwon’tmakeheranyeasiertohandle.ButuntilIcanguaranteehersafetyandfigureoutwhosheis,Idon’tseethatIhaveanotherchoice.
Choicesandconsequences.Consequencesandchoices.
I’mmakingachoice.I’mmorethanreadytosufferwhateverfollows.
“ItmeansyouandIaregettingmarried.”17CORA
He’skidding.Hehastobekidding.Right?
Right?!
Ivanleadsmebackthroughthekitchen.IkeepholdofhishandonlybecauseI’mnotsureIcannavigatetherestaurantbymyselfrightnow.
I’vespenttoomanyhoursheretocount.I’veworkedopeningshiftsandstayedlongafterclosing.Anyotherday,Icoulddocartwheelsdownthehallwayswithmyeyesclosed.
Butrightnow,mymindisacompleteandutterblank.
Aswewalkintothekitchen,IlooktothecounterwhereIvankilledtheman.Fiveminutesago,itwasastomach-turningbloodbath.
Now,though,it’sspotless.Noblood.Nobody.
“Yourguydoesquickwork,”Isaysoftly.
Ivanlookstowardsthecounterandshrugs.“He’shadpractice.”
Goosebumpssproutacrossmyshouldersanddowneacharm.Whoisthisman?
Hesavedmylifeandthenturnedaroundandtookanothertenminuteslater.I’vealwaysknownpeoplearen’tblackandwhite.Mymomwasaperfectexampleofthat.Therearenoangelsanddemons.Nocleardelineationsbetweenthegoodandthebadintheworld.
ButIvanPushkinlivesinthegrayspacelikenooneI’veeverknown.Ican’tmakesenseofhim.
“We’regettingmarried.”Isayitmoreformyselfthananyoneelse.I’mnotanywhereclosetoactuallyprocessingoracceptingit.I’mmostlyjustcheckingtomakesurethatIdoinfactunderstandwhatthatseriesofwordsmeans,justasageneralconcept.Asforwhatitmeansformeinparticular?Thatwilltakelotsoftimeyet(andmaybeatherapist)tounpack.
Ivanonlynodsinanswer,holdingopenthebackdoorintothealley.
Istepthroughitandintothecoolshadebetweenthebuildings.Thecementisdampthewayitalwaysis,condensationtricklingfromtheairconditionersandpoolingontheground.There’sthesicklysweetscentoffoodrotemanatingfromthedumpstersatthemouthofthealley.
It’sallsonormal.Somundane.Icouldalmostbelieveeverythingthatjusthappenedwassomekindoftwistednightmare.
ThenIvanstepsinfrontofthedaylightcomingfrombetweenthebuildings.He’salltooreal.
“Ineedmystuff,”Iblurt.
“Yashawillgrabwhateverbelongstoyouinsideandbringittomyhouselater.”
“Notthatstuff.Mystufffromhome.”
“Like?”
“Like…normalstuff!”Isnap.“Humanstuff.Clothesandmyphonecharger.Ineedatoothbrush.”
“Icanreplaceallofthat,”hesaysdismissively.
Thewallsseemtocloseintighter.Ifeelmyfreedomshrinking,evaporatinglikeitwasnothing.Likeitwasnevertheretobeginwith.
“Idon’twanttoreplaceit,”Igritout.“Iwantmystuff.I’mgoingtomyapartment.”
Ivancheckssomethingonhisphoneandshakeshisheadlikehe’sbored.“No,you’renot.”
“Youcan’tstopme.”
Heblowsoutabreath.“IjustmadeitclearthatIcandowhateverIwant.”
“Andyouwanttoholdmeagainstmywill?”Ichallenge.“Youwanttokidnapmeandforcemetomarryyou?”
Idon’treallythinkthere’sanyhopethatI’llappealtosomedeepreservoirofmoralityinsideofhim.Butthenhestiffens.Hepocketshisphoneandturnstomewithrigid,carefulmovements.
“Iwanttokeepyoualive.Iwanttokeepyoubreathing.”Hestalksclosertome.“Youdon’thaveasinglefuckingcluehowmuchdangeryou’rein.Asniperjusttriedtoshootyouinthechestandyouwanttoparadebackintoyourapartmentforagoddamnedtoothbrush.”
Itsoundsridiculouswhenhesaysitlikethat.
“Thisisn’taboutatoothbrush.It’saboutmyfreedom.”
“Takethatupwithwhoeverhasahitoutonyou.”
“Feelslikesemantics,”Imutter.
Hestandstall,lookingdownhisnoseatme.“Youhavenoconceptofthedangeryou’reinorthesavinggraceI’mofferingyou.”
“You’reofferingmeagildedcage,”Isay.“ButI’msupposedtobeokaywithitbecauseyou’regoingtobuymewhichevertoothbrushmyheartdesires?”
“Agildedcageisalotbetterthanacoffin,wouldn’tyousay?That’swhereyou’llbeifyougobacktoyourapartment.Itisn’tsafe.”
Ishakemyhead.“Myapartmentissafe.It’sinaniceneighborhood.I’monthe—”
“Fifthfloor,”Ivanfinishes.“Youhaveabalconyoverlookingaflowerstandandyouliveacrossfromanelderlycouplewithtwocats.”
AngelaandGeoffopenanewbottleofwineeveryFridaynightandbringmeaglass.WhenImakebrownies,Itakethemapan.They’reGeoff’sfavorites.
ButI’venevertoldanyoneaboutthem.Theonlywayanyonewouldknowanyofthisisifthey’dbeenwatchingme.
“Howdoyou—”
“Itwaseasyformetofindyou,Cora.YourneighborswerewillingtotellmeanythingIasked.Ifthatsniperknewwhereyouworked,hesureasfuckknowswhereyoulived.”Ivanreachesoutandtapsthecenterofmyforeheadwherethekiller’sbulletmight’vegone.“Thinkitthrough.You’llseethatI’mright.”
Thefightinmevanishesallatonce.
IthoughtIwassafe.ButIvanknowseverythingaboutmylifeandweonlymettwelvehoursago.
Whoelseknows?
Heisstillstandinginfrontofmewhenthedoorswingsopen.It’sthemanwhoescortedJordenoutsideandcleanedupthebody.Yasha,Ithinkhesaid.
“Theinsideiscleanandthemanagerscrubbedthetapes.Igotthebackups,too,andeveryoneelseisclearonthestory,”heexplains.“Whenthecopscomeasking,they’llsaytherobberswerewearingmasks,nodiscerniblefeatures,nothingnoteworthytoshareasadescription.Sameol’,sameol’.”
Howmanytimeshavetheydonethisbeforethatithasbecomearoutine?Theyhaveabuilt-instorythattheyfeedtowitnesses.
“Tellthekitchenstafftowaithalfanhourbeforetheycallthepolice,”Ivanorders.“ThatwillgivemetimetogetCoraoutofhereandsomewheresafe.There’snowaytoknowhowmanyhitmenhavebeensentto—”
“Myfriends!”
Guilthitsmehard.I’materribleperson.Howhasittakenmethislongtothinkaboutmyfriends?
“They’refine,”Yashadismisses.“Alltheshotswentthroughthewindows.Igotthemtosafetywhiletheshootingwasstillgoingon.”
IspintoIvan.“Theyhavetocomewithme.Yousaiditisn’tsafehere,right?”
“Letmetakecareofthis.”
“Sure,‘causeyou’vedoneafan-fucking-tasticjobtakingcareofthingssofar.Youshowup,andwithinminutes,myworkisinliteraltatters.Idon’tevenknowifI’llhaveajobafterthis.Youmighthavejustgottenallofmyfriendsfired.Howareanyofussupposedtosurvivewhen—”
“Ifyourfriendsareindanger,ithasnothingtodowithmychoicesandeverythingtodowithyours,”hegrowls.
“Mine?”Iyelp.“You’retellingmethatallofthisismyfault?Areyouserious?”
“Whatthefuckdidyouexpecttohappen?EveryoneelseatthatpartywouldhavekilledtobeinthatofficeDidyouthinktheotherladies-in-waitingwouldgiveyouapolitegolfclapandcongratulateyouonajobwelldone?”
Yashaisbitingaknuckletoholdbackalaugh,butIignorehim.Ihaveto;myentirebodyisburningwithshame.
“IneverwouldhavetouchedyouifI’dknown—”
“Butyoudid.Choicesandconsequences,Cora.”
“Stopsayingthat!”
Hestepscloser,butdoesn’ttouchme.Itdoesn’tmatter,though.Ifeelhispresencelikeafingerstrokedownmyspine.Mybodyshiversclosertohim.Partsofmerememberwhatitfeltliketobethisnear.Tosmellhim.Feelhim.Tastehim.
“Don’tpretendyouwouldhavewalkedawayfrommeifyou’dknownwhoIwas.Youdidknow,”hechides.“YouknewwhoIwasandyoustilldecidedanorgasmfrommewasworthwhatevertroublemightcome.”
He’sright.Iknewwhohewaswhenhetouchedme.WhenIaskedhimtomakemescream.
Ivantakesmysilenceforagreement.“Good.Sowe’reagreed.You’llplaymywifeandI’lltakedownwhoeverisafteryou.”
“Ihaven’tagreedtoanything.”
Hegrimaces.“Onsecondthought,maybeIshouldgetanactualchain.”
“Iappreciateyourhelp,butthisismylifeontheline.Idon’tevenknowyou.Eitherofyou!”Irubmythrobbingtemples.“I’mnotgoingtomarrysomeoneIdon’tlove.IranfromthatfateoncebeforeandI’lldoitagainifyoumakeme.”
ThewordstumbleoutofmebeforeIcanstopthem.Ivanleansbackandlooksmeover.
Ishouldlearntokeepmymouthshut.Ivanknowstoomuchaboutmealready.Idon’tneedtohandhimmoreammo.
“Unlikewhoeveryouranfrombefore,Ihavethepowertodragyouback,”hesaysafteralong,strainedsilence.“I’lldoitasmanytimesasittakes.”
“Butwhydoyoueven—”
“Thisisn’tforever,Cora.It’sfornow.Untilwecatchwhoeverisafteryou.”
Ihuffoutabreath.“Butwhydoyouevencarewhoisafterme?WhoamItoyou?”
Heraiseshishandandgrazesacallousedfingeracrossmycheek.“Noone.You’reanemptyvesselIcanuseasIplease.Asbait.Asawife.That’swhatmakesyouperfectforthis,Cora.”
Hiswordsshouldn’thurt.Idon’tknowhim.Idon’twanttoknowhim.
“I’mnotgoingtobeyourbait.”
“Thenyouandyourfriendswilldie.”
Hesaysitsobluntlythatitstealsmybreathaway.Likeanygoodpredator,Ivannoticestheweaknessandmovesinforthekill.
“YoutoldeveryoneatthatpartyyournamewasFrancia.Whoeverisafteryoumightnotknowanybetter.TheycouldgoaftertherealFrancia,too.”
Ichewonmylowerlip.“Soherapartment…”
“Compromised,”hesays.“Youbothneedprotection.Unlikeourdeallastnight,myservicesnowcomewithaprice.CooperatewithmeandI’llmakesureyourfriendsstayalive.”
I’veheardamilliondifferentversionsofthiscompromisebefore.I’veseenthemplayout.
Mymothercryinginherwalk-incloset,surroundedbyadesignerwardrobesheworewithpasted-onsmiles.
GirlsIgrewupwithmaking“goodmatches”withmenwhosentthemontropicalresortvacationssotheycouldfuckanotherwomanintheirbed.
MarriageinIvan’sworldisanexchange,asacrifice.Lifeisn’tafairytale.Everygoodthingcomesataprice.
ThequestioniswhetherI’mwillingtopayit.
“SoifIpretendtomarryyou,you’llprotectFranciaandJorden?”Iask.
“You’regoingtopretendtomarrymeeitherway,”Ivanclarifies.“Butifyoucooperateandmakeiteasierforme,thenyes,I’llhelpyourfriends.”
It’salmostasifIdon’thaveachoiceatall.SoImightaswellmakethebestofit.
“AssoonasIknowmyfriendsaresafe,I’mgone.”
Henodsinagreement.“Ifyourfriendsaresafe,thatmeansthethreatisdeadandIhavenofurtherneedforyou.”
Slowly,Iextendmyhand.
Ivan’senvelopsmine.Warmthandtoomanymemoriesfloodthroughme.Memoriesofhishotbreathonmyneck.Hisfingersexploringotherpartsofmybody.Assoonasweshake,Ijerkmyhandback
Hewatchesmewipemypalmonmypantsandsmirks.“Thisshouldbefun.”18IVAN
Thedrivefromtherestauranttomyhousetakesoveranhour.IstayquietbecauseIsaidallIneededtosayinthealleybehindtherestaurant.Corahastocomewithmeeitherway,butI’dratherhercomewillingly.Whichshedid…though“happily”isapparentlynotonthetable.
Shespendsthefirstchunkofthetimeinabroodysilence,herhandsfoldedtightlyinherlap.Butasthedrivedragsonandtheenginelullsusintoasenseofcalm,sheeventuallyleansherheadagainstthewindowandletsoutawearysigh.
Tenminuteslater,I’mparkedinfrontofmyhousewithasleepingCorainthepassengerseat.
“Ihavenocluewhattodowithyou,”Imutter.
Fakeornot,Imustbeoutofmyfuckingmindtothinkthiswasthebestcourseofaction.Idon’tknowhowtobemarried.Idon’twanttobemarried.
Yet…
IlookoveratCora—myfakewife.Herdarkhairispaintedmahoganyinthelightstreamingthroughthewindow,herpaleskindappledinmid-morningsun.Beingwithherfeelsmorerightthanitshould.EspeciallysinceIstilldon’tknowwhyshewasatmypartyorinmyoffice.
Shelookssovulnerable.Thedisdainshe’swornsinceshelearnedmynameisgoneinsleep.Shelooksyounger.Innocent.
ButnomatterwhetherCoraisinnocentinallofthisornot,killingthesniperwithasinglebulletisamercyIwon’textendtowhoeverisresponsibleforputtingahitoutonher.
WhenIcatchwho’shuntingher,I’llmakehimfuckingsuffer.
ThegaragedooropensandNilesappears.Hestopsonthethreestepsdowntothegarage,eyeingmeinthedriver’sseatandtheunfamiliarformasleepagainstthewindow.
AsthePushkinestatemanager,he’sgoodatanticipatingmyneeds.He’sbeenworkingwithourfamilyforgenerations.Howmanyexactly,nooneknows.Buthispale,gauntfacehasahauntedqualitythatcantakesomegettingusedto.
WhenIstepoutofthecar,hewaves.“Ididn’tknowyou’dbereturningwithcompany,sir.Wouldyouliketheusualguestsuitemadeup?”
Nilesknowsexactlyhowtomakemyfemaleguestsfeelwelcome.Cleanlinens,freshbouquets,andacomplimentarybottleofchampagneonicewhenIshowthemtotheirtemporaryroom.
Corawouldseerightthroughaploylikethat.
Icanimaginehersneeringasshetookintheneutraldecorationsandlackofpersonaltouch.“Howmanywomenhaveyoutakentothisbed?”shewouldask.
“No,actually.Iwantthesecondmastersuiteprepared.”
Nilesisspeechlessforalongmomentuntilheclearshisthroat.“Ofcourse.Whateveryouneed,sir.”Hemovestowardsthepassengersidedoor.“Icancalloneoftheguardstocarryher—”
“No.”ThewordtearsoutofmebeforeIcanstopit.“Idon’twantanyonetolayafuckingfingeronher,understood?Noonetouchesmywomanbutme.”
Nilesblinksagain.It’stheonlysignofhisshock.Thenhebowshishead.“I’llstripthebedandremakeitmyself.Itwillbereadybythetimeyougetherinside.”
Withoutanotherword,heturnsandhurriesintothehouse.
Idon’tenjoystressinghimout.HedoesgoodworkandIappreciatehisloyalty.ButifpeoplearegoingtobuythatIvanPushkinisgettingmarried,Ihavetosellit.Toeveryone.
Myselfmostofall.
Corahasshiftedslightly,hertemplerestingagainstthecrossbarbetweenthedoors.I’mabletopullherdooropenwithoutanytroubleandslideheroutofherseat.
It’sonlywhenIscoopherintomyarmsthatIrealizethemistakeI’vemade
She’stooclose.Icanfeelthesoftcurveofherhipagainstmystomach.Eachinhaledrawsbetweenherlipslikeawhisper.Longlashesflutteragainsthercheeksandherstrawberryscentradiates.
Iremindmyselfofthefacts.CoraandIarepretending.Ilookedherinherfaceandtoldhershemeantnothingtome.Bait.Anemptyvessel.
Ineedtorememberthat.
Grimacing,IcarryCorainsidethehouseandupthestairs.IpassbytheofficewhereImetherandtheimageofherstandinginfrontofmeperfectlynakedrisestotheforefrontofmymind.
Fuckinghell.ThismightbeharderthanIthought.
Ipassbymybedroomandwalktotheroomnextdoor.IpushitopenandfindNilesadjustingthecomforter.
Hehearsmecomingandpullstheblanketsdowntomakespaceforher.“I’mgoingtobringupfreshtowelsandtoiletries.Iassumetherestofherbelongingsareinthetrunk?”
Gently,InestleCoraontothemattressandpulltheblanketuptoherchin.Sheshifts.Herlipspart.Thensheexhalesdeeplyandsinksbackintosleep.
Ibackawayfromthebed,nottakingmyeyesoffofher.“Shedoesn’thaveanybelongings.”
“Theyhaven’tarrivedyetor—?”
“Shehasnothing,”Iexplain.“I’mputtingyouinchargeoforderingherwhateversheneeds:anewwardrobe,jewelry,shoes,anything.Whateversheasksfor,shegets.Noquestionsasked.”
“Ofcourse,”Nilessays.Buthiseyesareburningwithexcitement.ThemanhasbeentryingtodressmesinceIwasateenager.It’sChristmasfuckingmorningforhim.
InNiles’shands,noonewillquestionwhetherCorabelongshereornot.She’lllookmadefortherole.
She’lllookmadeforme19IVAN
YashaisleaningagainstthewallnexttothebedroomdoorwhenIstepoutintothehallway.
“Didyougetyourladyloveallsettledin?”hecroons.
“Shutthefuckup.”
Heholdsuphishandsandshrugs.“ThatsourattitudemustbewhyNilesjusttorethroughherelikehewasonfire.I’veneverseenhimsoflustered.”
“IfwewantpeopletobelieveCoraismywife,everyoneneedstobelieveit.Noexceptions.”
“Youdon’thavetoconvinceme.”
IlooktoYasha,browraised.“Whatdoesthatmean?”
“ItmeansIknewfromthestarttherewasnowayinhellyouweregoingtomarrysomeditzydaughterofadonandbehappy.Thosegirlsexistinthesafelittlesnowglobeworldstheirdaddiesbuildforthem.Butthisgirl?”Hehitcheshisthumbtowardsthedoorandblowsoutabreath.“Icanseethetwoofyouworkingwelltogether.”
Isnort.“Youmusthavemissedwhensheinsinuatedshe’dratherchewoffherownlegthanmarryme.”
“Andyoumusthavemissedwhenyouwentallcavemanonthatsniperfortryingtotouchher.”
“Hedidn’ttrytotouchher;hetriedtokillher,”Isnarl.
Yashasnapsandpointsatme.“That’swhatI’mtalkingabout.Ifthat’spartofyourhusbandact,thenyou’renailingit.Verybelievable.‘TheOscargoesto…IvanPushkin!’”
Iblowoutadeepbreathandwalkpasthimtowardsmyroom.“Sortouttheprotectionteamsforherfriendsandmeetmedownstairsinhalfanhour.”
IthinkYashasayssomethingaboutme“sortingoutmyhard-onforCora,”butIslammydoorbeforehecanfinish.
Myclothessmelllikegunpowderandsweat.Ipeelmyshirtoffandkickmypantsintothepilenexttothehamper.
Yashawasjustbeinganasshole,buthewasn’tentirelywrongaboutthehard-on.Afightalwaysgetsmybloodpumping.Usually,Icallupasurethingafterward.Someonewhoknowsitwon’teverbemorethananhourbetweenthesheets.
ButIcan’tthinkofasingleotherwomanIwanttocallrightnow.
BecausetheonlywomanIcanthinkaboutisonlyonewallaway.
“Ashower.Ineedashower.”Istompintothebathroomandturnthehandletosearingheat.Ihissasthehotwaterpeltsmybackandthensinkintothecomfort.
TracebitsofbloodIdidn’tnoticeswirldownthedrain.Bitbybit,mymusclesrelaxintheheat.
ButnoamountofsteamandscrubbingcancleansemymindofCora.
Mycockishard,almostthrobbingwiththeneedtorelease.Andshe’ssoclose.Oneroomaway.There’sevenadoorconnectingus.
ButIdon’twantherinaseparateroom.Idon’twantheroutofmysight,period.Iwanttofeelherbodyagainstme,herdelicatehandstrokingovermyskin,hermouthlettingloosethosedeliciouslittlegasps…
Iwrapmyhandaroundmycock.
“Fuck,”Irumble.Ican’trememberthelasttimeIwasthisturned-on.
Actually—Ican.
Lastnight.
Ihearhervoiceinmyhead.Ifeelhersilkyskinonmytongueandwrappedaroundmywaist.
IstrokemyhandtothefeverishpaceIsetlastnight.ItwasalmostimpossibletoholdoffmypleasurewhenCorafeltsogoodcomingaroundme.
Ipressonepalmtothecoldtileandworkmyselfwiththeother.Pleasuretwistslowinmygut,tighteningthewaytheydidlastnightwhenIcouldfeelherorgasmpulsingthroughher,throughbothofus.
Shewassotight…
“Sofuckingtight,”Iwhisper.
Isqueezemyeyesclosedandseeherbody,nakedbeneaththelapelsofmysuitjacket.Herbreastsbouncingwitheverythrust.
Ivan…
ThenIcome.
“Fuck.”
Ispilldownthedrain,pumpafterpumpafterpumpuntilIsagagainstthecoldshowerwall.
ButevenwhenI’mdone,Idon’tfeelrelieved.ThetensionisstillrightwhereIleftit.Soistheneed.
Goddammit.
ThiswomanmightbeabiggerproblemthanIthought.20IVAN
“Didacoldshowerhelp?”Yashaasks.He’ssittinginmyofficewithhisfeetkickeduponthecoffeetable,ashit-eatinggrinonhisfacethatmakesmethinkheknowsexactlywhatIwasdoingupstairs.
“Itwouldbegreatifyoucouldatleastpretendtobeprofessionalforonceinyourgodforsakenlife.”
“Doyoumeanactuallypretend?Ordoyoumeanthewayyou’re‘pretending’tomarryCora?‘CauseIthinkIcanmanagethefirstone.”Heplaceshisfeetflatonthefloorandsitstallwithafaux-seriousscowlonhisface.“Howisthis?Yes,sir,Mr.Pushkin,sir.Rightaway,sir.Verygood,sir.Pip-pipcheerio,tally-ho,sir.”
IlearnedyearsagothatitisbettertoignoreYashawhenhe’sinamoodlikethis.Mostlybecauseit’susuallyagoodsign.Ifthingsaregoingtoplan,Yashaisagoofyjackass.Whenshithitsthefan,heturnsgrim.
Iglareathimuntilheholdsuphishandsandslouchesbackintohisseat.“Fine.I’mhere,I’mprofessional,I’mreadytotalkbusiness.”
“Thentalk,”Ideadpan.
Hesighs.“Franciaisunderguard.Imovedheroutofherapartment,sinceCorawasusinghernamelastnightatthepartyandherplacemightbecomeatarget.Didyouaskheraboutthat,bytheway?”
“Askwhoaboutwhat?”
“Cora,”hesays.“Aboutwhyshewasusingafakenamewithyou.Wasshetryingtokeepalowprofileor—”
“Business,”Iremindhim.
Chastised,heduckshisheadandcarrieson.“FranciaisintheapartmentcomplexintheValley.Iftheriskonherincreases,shecanbemovedtoamorelowkeysafehouse,butfornow—”
“Theapartmentisfine.Idon’tneedanyoneknowingaboutoursafehousesunnecessarily.DearoldDadwouldn’tappreciatemedivulgingfamilysecrets.”
“Speakingof…”Yashalowershisvoiceandleansin.“WhatarewetellingDonPushkinaboutallofthis?”
“I’llhandlemyfather.”
“Right,”henods.“Iknow.Butifheasksme—”
“Thenyoutellhimtotalktome.”
Yashalooksunconvinced.ProbablybecauseheknowsaswellasIdothatnotansweringadirectquestionfrommyfatherisasurefirewaytoendupwithaknifeinyourbelly.
Otetsisnotoneforsubtletyormixedmessages.
“Untilthen,Iwantanswers,”Isay.“IneedtoknowwhoisafterCoraandwhy.”
“IgaveyoueverythingIhadthismorning.”
Isnortdismissively.“Yougavemeherworkaddress,herapartmentnumber,andauselessinterviewyouconductedwithherneighbors.”
Heshrugsunapologetically.“AngelaandGeoffwerereallynice.TheysaidCoraislikethedaughtertheyneverhad.TheyaskedifIwasherboyfriend.Theysaidwewouldmakeahandsomecouple.Whatdoyouthink?”Helaceshisfingersunderhischinandsmileslikeadebutante.
Mystomachtwists.“Ithinkyou’reprovingwitheverypassingsecondthatIshouldgetsomeoneelseonthisjob,too.”
Hefrowns.“Hey.Lowblow.”
“You’retheoneflirtingwithseniorcitizens,”Isnap.“Wehavefuckingworktodo,Yasha.IneedtoknowwhereCoracamefromandwhoherparentsare.Anythingatallthatmightconnecthertoanyoneatthatparty.”
“Youwanttoknowifshehasaboyfriend,youmean.”
ThepossibilitythatCorawasinmyhousetomeetanothermanhasindeedoccurredtome.Ijusthopeitisn’ttrue.
Ican’tguaranteethathypotheticalmanwouldsurvivemyquestioning.
Irunmytongueovermyteeth.“Iwanttoknowwhoisinmyhouse.Ifshe’ssomekindofspyoraplant—”
“Ortaken,orinan‘it’scomplicated’relationship,”Yashaaddson,notmissingabeat.
Myholdonmycomposuresnaps.“Thisisn’tafuckinggame,Yasha.Someonethinksthiswomanismyfiancéeandtheyaretryingtokillher.ThatisanattackonthePushkinfamily.Itcan’tstand.”
“Iknow.”Yashadipshisheadlikeapoutingpuppy.“Iamtakingitseriously.”
“ThenstopcrackingjokesandmakesureCora’ssecuritydetailisairtight.”
Hesitsupwithafrown.“Butshe’sstayinginthemansion.”
“So?”
“Soshe’sinoneofthemostsecurelocationsontheentireWestCoast.Nothingcantouchherinsidethesewalls.”
“Thenitshouldbeeasytofindtrustworthymenwillingtotakeonthejob,”Isay.“They’llbepatrollinghertwenty-fourhoursaday,sevendaysperweek,untilwhoeverisafterheriscaught.Ifshesomuchassniffles,Iwanttoknowaboutit.”
Yashastaresatmeforafewseconds,hiseyebrowsraisedinsurprise.Thenhewheezesoutalaughandshakeshishead.“Itmightbeeasiertojustputadogcollaronherandleashherup.Keepherclosetoyousoyoucanmakesureshe’sbeingagoodgirl.”
“Idon’tneedacollarforanyofthat,”Itellhim.“That’swhattheweddingringisfor.”21CORA
Ijoltawake.
Mychestisheavingandmyeyescan’tseemtosettle.Ilookforsomething,anything,togroundme.Toremindmyselfthatthishasallbeenadream.Theparty,Ivan,theshooting…allofit.
ButIdon’tseemybrightyellowalarmclockwiththegooglyeyestickersoverthebuttons.Idon’tseethestackofCDsI’vethriftedovertheyearseventhoughIdon’thaveaworkingCDplayer.Idon’tseetheframedphotoofmeandMomfromwhenIwasseven,theonlyoneIhavewithoutmystepfatherinit.
Instead,Iseeafour-posterbedwithcream-coloredsilkcurtainstiedaroundeachpost.There’salongwoodendressertoppedwithanivoryvasefilledwithbloodredroses.Theframesonthewallsaregildedandthecarpetisplush.
ThelastthingIrememberisclimbingintoIvan’scar.Iclosedmyeyesatonepoint.Imust’vefallenasleep.Now,I’mhere.
Whathappenedinbetween?
There’salargewindowonthewalltomyleft.Thecurtainsaredrawn,butasliverofdaylightpeeksthroughacrack.It’snotmuch,butatleastIknowitisn’tnighttime.
That’ssomething.
“Hello?”Mytiredvoiceisbarelymorethanawhisper.Iclearmythroatandtryagain.“Hello?”
There’sadoorafewfeettomyright.It’sopen,butIdon’thearanythingbeyond.Slowly,Islideoutfromundertheimpossiblysilkysheetsandwalktothedoor.
Amassivebathroomstretchesoutinfrontofme.There’sasinglesinksetinalongvanity.Themirrorisframedingold;soistheglassshowerdoor.Thetilesareiridescent,apearlywhitethatchangescolorsasImovefromsidetoside.Afreshstackoftowelssitsonthecounter.
Suddenly,Ifeelfilthy.
MyhairsmellslikegunpowderandIhavethemetallictangofbloodinmymouth.Withoutasecondthought,Istripoutofmyclothesandstarttheshower.
Steamswirlsintheair,warmingthebathroomtoatoastytemperaturemydraftyapartmentbathroomhasneverbeencapableof.
Moneycan’tbuyhappiness,butitcanbuyareallyincredibleshower.
Itcanalsobuysoapandhairproductsthatsmelllikemannafromheaven.Iscrubandrinseoffand,oncemyskiniscleanandpink,Ikilltheflowanddryoffwithafluffywhitetowel.
ThefairytaleshatterswhenIrealizeIhavetostepbackintomyworkuniform.Nofairygodmothertomagicmeintoacleanpairofsweats.
Ipullmypantiesfreeofmypantsandwinceathowdamptheyare.IvaguelyrememberdreamingwhileIslept.Ivan’shandsonmeindarkcorners.Hisvoiceinmyear.Thetensioninsidemebuildingandbuildingand…
“Whatthefuckiswrongwithme?”Imutter.
ItossmyshamefullysoiledpantiesintoasmalltrashcantohidetheevidenceandgrimaceasIpullonthepolyesteruniformovermybareskin.
OnceIfigureoutwherethehellIam,myfirstorderofbusinesswillbeachangeofclothes.
Ittakesafewminutesformetoworkupthecouragetoleavemyroom.WhenIfinallycrackthedooropen,Irecognizethehallwayimmediately.
Themarooncarpetrunnerandthebeigewallswithwarmwoodtrim.
ThisiswhereIvanhostedhispartylastnight.Itmakessensethatheactuallyliveshere,Isuppose.Ijustcan’timagineit.Throwinglavishpartieshere?Sure.PaddingaroundinholeyflannelpajamasandwatchingHallmarkmovies?Notexactly.
ThoughIdoubtIvanevenhasholeyflannelpajamas.Picturinghiminpajamasatallisastretch.Heisprobablyoneofthosehypermasculineguyswhosleepsinthenude.
Thethoughtsendsheatburningtomyface,andIquicklyredirectmytrainofthought.
Whatahorrendouslygaudywallsconce.Onlyarealassholewouldpickthatout
I’mstillstaringatthesconce,tryingtothinkofanythingexceptIvan’sbare,muscledbody,whenIfeelapresencebehindme.
Ispinaround,armsheldinsomeconfusedformofafightingstance.
Yashajustarchesabrow,hismouthpinchedinanamusedsmile.“Hellotoyou,too.”
Ilowermyfists.“Youshouldn’tsneakuponpeople.”
“Ididn’tthinkIwas.I’vebeenstandingoutheresinceyoucreepedoutofyourbedroom.Youshouldbemoreobservant.”
Idon’thaveasnarkycomebackforthat.He’sright—ifI’mgoingtoliveinthishouse,Ihavetopayattention.
“Whattimeisit?”IturninacircleuntilIseeanintricategoldclockrestingonanarrowtable.Delicateflowersarepaintedontheface.Itlookslikeanoldgrannyclock.NothingIvanPushkinwouldbuy.
ButI’mmoresurprisedbythetime.
“It’stwelvenoon?”
“It’snottwelvemidnight,”Yashachuckles.“I’dbegettingmybeautysleepifitwas.Notallofuscanaffordtosnoozethedayaway.”
Ican’taffordit,either.Notusually,anyway.Ican’trememberthelasttimeItookanapinthemiddleoftheday.DefinitelynotsinceImovedoutofmystepfather’shouse.
“Whywereyouwaitingforme?”Iask.Yashahesitates,andI’mprettysureIknowtheansweralready.“OrdidIvanaskyoutoguardmyroom?Becauseourdealrequiresmetocooperate.It’snotasifI’mgoingtomakearunforitandletFranciafendforherselfagainsttrainedassassins.”
Yashaholdsuphishandsinsurrender.“Firstofall,thatguywaspathetic.Second,relax.I’mheretogiveyouatour.Theestateislarge.Ivandoesn’twantyougettinglost.”
Inanormalhouse,thatwouldbeajoke.Butinthismansion,it’sadistinctpossibility.Maybeatourwouldn’tbesuchabadidea.
Iagree,andYashaleadstheway,headingtowardsthestairs.
“AsidefromIvan’soffice,whichIhearyou’vealreadyseen—”Heglancesbackatme,andI’msuremyfaceisasredasastopsign.“—thiswingisjustthetwomastersuitesandthensomeadditionalbedrooms.Maybekids’roomssomeday.”
TheideaofIvanhavingkids—ofsomeotherwomancarryinghischildren—isaninsectbuzzingaroundmyhead.Inconsequential,butannoying.
Whoeverhechoosestohavekidswith,Godhelpher.That’sallIhavetosay.
ButIcatchonanotherdetail.
“Twomastersuites?”
“One.”HepointstothedoorIjustwalkedthrough.Thenherotatesforty-fivedegreesandpointstothedoornexttomine.“Two.ThisoneisIvan’s.Theroomsareconnectedbyaninteriordoor.It’smoreofadoublemastersuite,Iguess.”
ItrytohidethepanicclawingupmythroatattherealizationthatIvanisgoingtobesleepingonewallaway.Onedooraway.
AsingletwistofthehandleandIcouldbeinhisroom.Icouldfindoutwhatkindofpajamashewears—ifhewearsanyatall.
Abolt,Ithink.I’llinstallabolt.Orlockitwithawedgedchairunderthehandlesohecan’tinfiltratemyroomwhileI’msleeping.MaybeI’llcallJordenandaskherhowtoburnsagetokeepdemonsatbay.
Yashadoesn’tnoticemyagitationashecontinuesdownstairs.
Lastnight,theinteriorofthehousewasdark,litonlybyselectivelampsandcandles.Today,sunlightstreamsthroughlargewindows.InoticealotofdetailsImissed.
“Allrichpeoplemustusethesameinteriordecorator,”Imumble.
Yashachuckles.“Haveyoubeeninalotofmansions?”
Justmystepfather’s,Iwanttosay.ButIchidemyselfquickly.Payattention.Don’tletanythingslip.
“I,uh…watchalotofHGTV.”
“Yeah,well,Ivanisintheprocessoftakingovertheplacefromhisparents.Redecoratinghasn’trankedhighontheto-dolist.”
Yashaleadsmethroughaden,ameetingroom,thenbackthroughanothersetofdoorsintoakitchen.
“That’sbasicallyeverything,”hesumsup.
“Thishousehasamillionrooms.There’snowaythatwasthefulltour.”
Hiseyesglimmerwithmischief.“Everythingyouneedtoknowabout,anyway.Ifyougetlost,it’llbebecauseyouwerestickingthatlittlebuttonnoseofyourswhereitdidn’tbelong.”
HereachesouttotapmynoseandIslaphishandoutoftheair.“Don’ttouchme.”
Fromtheothersideofthekitchen,there’sastifledlaugh.Iturntoseewhoitwas—andhavetobiteoffthebeginningsofascream.
Anelderlymanisstandingnexttothepantry.Hisfaceislongandgauntwithbushyeyebrows.Hiseyesseemtobesunkenintothesockets,hoodedyetperceptive.IfYashatoldmehecouldn’tseehimstandingthere,Iwouldn’tdoubtit.Themanlookslikeaghost.
“AndthisisNiles.”Yashasweepsanarmtowardstheman.“Hemaylooklikethecryptkeeper,buthe’sactuallythecaretaker.”
Nilesturnstomewithapolitesmile.“Keepputtinghiminhisplace,Mrs.Pushkin.MasterYashaneedsafirmhand.”
“Oh,no,I—”Ishakemyhead.“MynameisCora.I’mnotMrs.Pushkin.I’mnot—”
“Marriedyet,”Yashainterjectsquickly.“She’sstillMs.…What’syourlastnameagain?”
“St.Clair.ButyoucancallmeCora.”IsmileatNiles.“Please.”
Hebowshisheadrespectfully.“IsthereanythingIcangetforyou,Cora?Iapologizethatyourroomisnowherenearreadyyet.Iwouldn’thaveputyouintheretoday,butitwasatMr.Pushkin’srequest.Hewantedtokeepyouclose.”
Oh,I’msurehedid.
“Butifthere’sanythingIcangetyouintheinterim,somethingtoeatordrink…?”Helooksatmyoutfitandgrimaces.“Someclothes,perhaps?”
Inodgratefully.“Clothes!Yes.Cleanclotheswouldbeamazing.”
Nilesnodsagain.“Theguestroomdirectlyacrossfromyoursisn’tbeingusedrightnow,butthereareplentyofthingsintherethatshouldfityou.Youcanhaveyourpickuntilyourthingscomein.”
Aroomfullofwomen’sclothesisn’tbeingusedrightnow?Asin,ithasbeenusedinthepast?When?Howfrequently?Bywhom?
Thejealousyisstupid.Ivanisn’tmyhusband.Heisn’tmyboyfriend.Heisn’tanythingtome.
You’renoone.You’reanemptyvesselIcanuseasIplease.Asbait.Asawife.That’swhatmakesyouperfectforthis,Cora.
Ineedtorememberthat.22CORA
Theguestroomisasblandastherestofthehouse.Soaretheclothesinit.Neutralbasics,jeans,jackets.Islipintoapairofcamel-coloredjoggersandawhitetanktop.ItfeelssogoodtobeoutofmywaitressinguniformthatIdon’tcarewhotheybelongto.
WhenIgetbackdowntothekitchen,Nilesredirectsmeoutside.“Yashaiswaitingforyouontheveranda.I’llhavelunchsentoutshortly.”
Someoneelsepreparingfoodformewillneverbenormal,butIthankhimandstepthroughtheFrenchdoors.
Yashawavesfromacirculartableacrossthepatio.Flowerboxesbrimmingwithmarigoldsandperiwinkleoutlinetheedgeofthepatiobehindhim.Asoftbreezeblowsacrossthelawn,liftingmyhair.It’ssuchapicture-perfectsettingthatit’salmostimpossibletothinkIwasbeingshotatonlythismorning
Thethoughtfracturesthemoment.Cracksofpanicbleedthroughthelovelyscene.Ilookupattheblueskyabove,whitewispycloudsburningawayinthesun,andallIseeisdanger.
Couldsomeoneattackusfromabove?Whataboutthehillssurroundingthecompound?Arethereanysnipersupthere?Whatif—
“You’resafehere,”Yashacalls.
Iturnbacktothetableandhe’swatchingme.Hisfeetarekickeduponthechairnexttohim,crossedattheankle
“We’reexposed.”
Heshakeshishead.“Noonecomeswithinthreemilesofthefencewithoutsomeoneonstaffknowingaboutit.Theywon’tgetcloseenoughtotakeashot.You’resafe.”
“IthoughtIwassafeatthediner.”Ipadoveranddropdownintothechairoppositehim.“Thatwasinpublic.”
“Yeah,wellasnipercanblendinbetterinpublic.Theycandisappearintothecrowd.Outhere?”Heshakeshishead.“Theydon’tstandachance.Plus,noonewithevenhalfabrainwouldtrytobreakontothePushkinestate.It’sadeathsentence.”
“AndFranciahasthissamekindofprotection?”
“She’scovered.Don’tworry.”
Iwrinklemynose.“I’malwaysgoingtoworrywhenmyfriends’livesareatrisk.”
“Speakingoffriends.”Yashadropshisfeettothegroundandfoldshishandsonthetable.“Isthereanyoneyouneedtoalertaboutyourwhereabouts?”
I’musedtoYashabeingkindofasmartass,buthe’sbeingseriousnow.Thisiswhathe’slikeinhisofficialroleas…uh,whateveritishedoesforIvan.
I’membarrassedbythelackofnamescomingtomind.“JordenandFranciaalreadyknow.MaybeIcouldtellmyneighbors.”
“IleftanoteforAngelaandGeoff.”IarchabrowandYashashrugs.“They’renicepeople.Theyseemtocareaboutyou.”
“Theymightbetheonlyones,”Imutter.
Yashaturnstothesideandplucksamarigoldoutoftheplanter.Hetwirlsitaroundhisfinger,strippingtheleavesfromthestemonegentletugoutatime.“Doyouhaveanyfamily?”
“NonethatwouldcareifIwentmissing.”
You’dthinkI’dgetusedtomyfamily’sdismissalofme.That,atsomepoint,theacheoftheirindifferencewouldstophurting.Butthewoundreopensagainandagain,asfreshasthedayIfirstleft.
“Areyouanonlychild?”heasks.
“Howdidyouknow?”
Hesmilesknowingly.“Irecognizemyownkind.”
Talkingaboutmyselfisoneofmyleastfavoritepastimes,soIjumpattheopportunitytoshiftthefocustoYasha.“Whataboutyourparents?”
Hemovesfromthemarigoldstemtothepetals.Heplucksthemonebyone,makingapileonthetableinfrontofhimashetalks.“Addicts.Theyhadotherpriorities.Gettinghigh,mostly.”
“Itmusthavebeenhardgrowinguparoundthat.”
“Itwas.That’swhyIleftwhenIwasthirteen.”
Igawkathim.“Thirteen?Like…tenplusthree?Thatthirteen?”
“Isthereanotherkind?”
“Ijustcan’tbelieveit,”Ibreathe.Iwasonthestreetsatthirteen,butIwaswithmymom.Thatwasscaryenough.Ican’timaginedoingitalone.“Wheredidyougo?”
“WhereverIwanted.Istartedoutasathief.”MythoughtsmustbewrittenonmyfacebecauseYashawavesmeoff.“Don’tjudgeme.GrowingboysgethungryandIneededtoeat.Stealingwaseasierthananythingelse.Myparentswerehopelessandsheltersalwaystriedtocallthepoliceandhavemeputinfostercare.Itwaseasiertobealone.Igotgoodatit.”
“Yougotgoodatbeingalone?”
Hegivesmeasadsmile.“No.Inevergotgoodatthat.ButIwasgreatatpickinglocks,takingonlywhatIcouldcarry,andthenfindingtherightbuyer.BythetimeIwasseventeen,Iwasgettinghiredbygrownmenforhigh-leveljobs.Seriousshit.That’showImetIvan.”
“Ivanhiredyou?”
“No.”Yashagrins.“Ivanwasmytarget.”
“Oh.”IrememberthewayIvandealtwiththeassassinthismorning.Heclaimedthatwasmerciful.Whatwouldnomercylooklike?
“Iknowbetterthantocrosshimnow,”Yashachuckles.“Atthetime,Ithoughthewasjustsomeuselessrichkid.Ibrokeintohiscarandstolehisphone.Ididn’tmakeitthreeblocksbeforehechargedoutofanalleyandtackledme.”
“Andyousurvived?”Iblurt.
“Yeah.ButonlybecausethatwasIvan’splanallalong.He’stheonewhohiredme.”
Ifrown.“That’swhatIsaid,andyousaid—”
“There’sanartformtostorytelling,Cora.Itwouldn’tbeinterestingifyouguessedrightaway.Iwasbuildingsuspense.”Hesighsandcontinues.“Anyway,apparently,I’dhitoneofthePushkinwarehousesacoupleweeksprior.Ivanwastaskedbyhisfathertoshoreupsecurity.Hefiguredthebestwaytodothatwouldbetogostraighttothethiefwhobrokein.Istartedoutonthesecurityteamandworkedmywayup.”
“Youstolefromhim…andherewardedyouwithajob?”
“Andahouse,”Yashaadds.“Weroomedtogetherforawhile,actually.Ivanmovedoutonhisownforafewyearsoncehewaseighteen.Hewantedsomespaceto…roam,shallwesay.Wehadanapartmentinthecity.”
Idon’tevenwanttoaskallthemanywaysIvanroamedduringthatperiodoftime.I’mgoingtotakean“ignoranceisbliss”approachtomuchofIvan’spersonallife.
“Ivanis…”Yashashakeshisheadlikehecan’tfindquitetherightwords.“Agoodman.He’sabettermanthanhelikestoleton,atleast.”
EverytimeIblink,Iseehimpressingaguntothatman’sheadthismorning.Ihearthedeafeningbangofthedischarge.Iseebloodontheexpocounter.
Ivansavedme.Buta“goodman”wouldhavecalledthepolice,wouldn’the?
Yashasweepsthegoldenmarigoldpetalsontothepatioandstandsupwithagroan.“Well,goodchat.”
“Whereareyougoing?IthoughtNileswasgoingtobringuslunch.”
“He’llbringyoulunch.Ihaveworktodo.”
Isubconsciouslyglancetowardsthestonefenceagain.
“You’resafehere,Cora.Iswearit.”Yashadigsintohispocketandthenplacesaphoneonthetable.“Thisisyours.Somenumbersareprogrammedinthere.Ifyou’reintroubleandnooneisaround,youcancallforhelp.”
Ilungeforthephonelikeit’salifeline.MyownphoneisstillinmylockerbackatQuinta?o’s.Inavigatetothecontactsandfeelmychesteaseatthesiteofmyfriends’names.Ivan’snamelistedrightnexttotheirsgivesmeajoltofsomethingIdon’tquiteunderstandanddon’twantto.
“Thankyou.”IgiveYashaasinceresmile.“Really.Thanks.”
Henods.“ItwasIvan’sidea.”
Mysmilefades.“Okay,sowhere’sthecatch?”
“There’snocatch.Justdon’ttellanyoneyourexactlocation.Andplayupthestorythatthetwoofyouaremadlyinloveandgettingmarried.Ifit’sgoingtowork,everyoneneedstobelieveit.”
“Butmyfriends—”
“Aredependingonyouractingskills,”hefinishes.“Ifyoublowyourowncover,we’llknow.YourcallswillbemonitoredbythePushkinsecurityteam.Beforeyougetalloffended,theydothatforeverycallthatoriginatesinsidethecompound.It’sanothersecurityfeaturetomakesurewedon’thavearat.”Yashaarchesabrow.“Soyou’llbefine…aslongasyou’renotarat.”
“I’mnotarat.I’mhereagainstmywill,remember?”
Yasharunsahandthroughhislighthairandglancesaround.“Don’tletIvanhearyousaythat.”
“What?”
“Nothing.Just…Ithinkyoushouldtrytomakethebestofthingswhileyou’rehere.”Hegesturesaroundtothemeticulouslylandscapedyardandbluesky.“It’snice.”
“Prisonscanbenice,”Imutter.
“It’snotaprison,Cora.”
“Okay,thencanIleaverightnow?WhatifIwanttogoforawalkorheadtothemall?I’msureIcanjustpopoverwithnoproblem,right?”
Ididn’tthinkitwaspossibleforhisgoodhumortoflag,butYashalooksgenuinelyexhaustedbyme.“You’llhavetotalktoIvanaboutthat.”
Irollmyeyes.“Right.Talktothewarden,notthejailer.”
“It’sreallynotgoingtobesobad,Cora.Ifyougiveitachance,youmighthaveagoodtime.”
YashawalksinsideandIslouchdowninmychair.“That’sexactlywhatI’mscaredof.”23CORA
Ieatlunch—anincredibleporktacothatIwouldgivemyleftnippletohavetherecipefor—andthenexperimentwithastrollaroundtheyard.
Ipacebackandforth,slowlymakingmywayfurtherandfurtherfromthehouseasakindoftest.
IfImovetwentypacesout,willaguardappeartoescortmeback?
Whataboutthirtypaces?Maybeadronewillbuzzoverhead,atinygunaimedandreadytofire.
Butnothinghappens.Theskyremainsclearexceptforthesun,whichturnsmyshoulderspink.Ikickoffmysandalsanddragmytoesthroughthelushgrass.
Moreandmore,IthinkYashaisprobablyright.LifehereinIvan’smansionwon’tbesobad…
WhichwillmakethingsevenworsewhenI’mruthlesslykickedbacktothedirtycurbofmynormallife.
Idon’twanttosoundungrateful.Mylifeisgood.It’sbetterthanlivinginabjectpovertyandit’scertainlybetterthanthebedazzledcellmystepfatherhadplannedforme.
Still,it’snicetohaveahotmealdeliveredtomytable.It’snicetofreelyspendanafternoonwithoutcountingdownthehoursuntilmynextshiftatthediner.
Ihaveafeeling,whenallissaidanddone,itwillbehardtowalkawayfromthis.
Imakeitallthewaytothebackfenceandturnaroundtofacethemansion.It’sbreathtakingthatpeoplelivelikethis.ThatI’mgoingtolivelikethis,nomatterhowbriefly.
Thehouseisastunningthreelevelswithbalconiesdrapedfromsomeofthewindows.Amezzaninelevelwindshalfwayaroundthetopfloor.Endlesswindowsanddoorsandroomsandsecretstuckedawayinwhatcanonlybedescribedasacastle.
ExceptthemaninsideisnoPrinceCharming.
AndI’msureashellnoprincess.
MymindismakingitsfifthpassovermylonglistofworrieswhenIfinallypullthephoneYashagavemeoutofmypocketandtapinJorden’snumber.
Sheanswersimmediately.“Hello?”
“Hey.It’sme.”
There’sapausebeforesheshrieks.“Cora!I’vebeenblowingupyourphoneallday.Wherehaveyoubeen?Whathappened?Thewindowsblewout.Someonesaidagasexplosion,butIdon’tknow.IthoughtIheardgunfire.Areyouokay?”
She’stalkingsofastthatshe’spantingbythetimeshepauses.
“I’mokay.I’mfine.”
“Yousure?”sheasks.“Wasitanexplosion?Orashooting?Thathotguywhotookmeoutsidewouldn’tsayanything.”
Ifrown.Ivandidn’ttakeheroutside.ThenIrealizewhosheistalkingabout.“Yasha?”
“Right.Yasha.Hetoldmenottoworryaboutit.Butguesswhat?I’mworried!Wherehaveyoubeen?”
“I’vebeen…”IimagineIvansittinginsomedarkroomsomewhere,headphonesonandamonitorwithmyfacesplashedacrossitinfrontofhim.“I’vebeenwithIvan.”
There’salongpausebeforeJordenspeaksagain.“Ivan…Pushkin?Fromthepartylastnight?”
“Yeah.Hecameintotherestaurantthismorning.”
There’sanotherlongpause.ThenJordenscreams.
“What?”Igasp.“Whatisgoing—”
“YoufuckedIvanPushkinatthepartylastnightandthenheshoweduptoseeyouthemorningafter?!”Jordensqueals.“Holyshit!Ican’tbelieveit!But…wait.WastheexplosionthismorningbecauseofIvan?”
“No.Itwas…”ItrytoquicklysortthroughwhatIcanandcan’ttellJorden,butintheend,it’seasiertolie.“Itwasallacaseofmistakenidentity.Adrive-byshooting,Ithink?”
“Shit.Really?”Sheblowsoutalongbreath.“That’sarelief.Imean,it’sabsolutelybatshit,bananas,bonkers,totallyofftherocker.Butstillarelief,Iguess.”
“Yeah,itis.ButI’mstillkindofshakenup.I’llprobablytakeafewdaysoffofwork.”
“Usually,I’dbepissedbecauseIcannotbecoveringallofyourshifts,buttherestaurantisclosedforrepairs,anyway.Comeover.OrIcancometoyou?”
Iwince.“I’dloveto,but…I’mnotatmyapartmentrightnow.Iprobablywon’tbeforawhile.”
“Oh.Whereareyou?”
Yashatoldmenottogiveawaymyexactlocation,butI’massumingit’ssafetosay…“I’mwithIvan.”
Thistime,whenthereisalongpause,Iknowtopullthephoneawayfrommyear.Throughthespeaker,Ihearatinnyshriek.
“Noway!”Jordensqueals.“Heinvitedyoubacktohishouse?”
Invited,abducted.To-may-to,to-mah-to
“Yeah.That’swhyhecametotherestaurantthismorning.HewastherebecauseIranofflastnightwithoutgivinghimmynumber.”
Jordenismakingallkindsofgiddynoisesfromtheotherendofthephone.Iwouldn’tputitpasthertobeliterallyjumpingforjoyrightnow.Thenshestops.“Wait!ThatwholepartylastnightwasforIvantofindawife,right?”
Ichewonmylip.Ihatelyingtoher.“Uh,yeah.Right.”
“Andnow,hewantsyournumber?”
“Correct.”
Athirdsilencestretches.IwinceinpreparationforwhatIknowiscominginthree,two,one…
“HOLYSHIT!IVANPUSHKINWANTSTOMARRYYOU?!”
IletJordencalmdowntoadecibelsafeforhumanearsbeforeIputthephonebacktomyear.“Thatseemstobecorrect.”
“OhmyGod!Ithoughtthiskindofthingcouldonlyhappeninfairytales,butyou’vegotyourselfareallifeprince.”
Sure.Princeofdarkness,maybe.
“Howdidthishappen?”Jordenbadgersme.“Imean,obviously,hemetyouandwasenamoredwithyourbeautyandwitandcleavageandotherincrediblequalities.Butwhathappenedlastnight?”
Now,thispartIcantellwithoutanylies.
IrunthroughthedrunkmanrippingmydresstoshredsandIvanwalkinginonmenakedinhisoffice.“Ihadnocluewhohewasatfirst,”Iadmit.“WhenIfoundout,Itriedtoleave—butIguessIdidn’tquitegetthatfar.”
“Insane,”shebreathes.“Thiswholethingisinsane.IfyouneedmetogetouttherewithmyvoodooshitandlayacurseonhisassandbustyououtOcean’sEleven-style,youjustsaytheword.Butifnot,I’mhappyforyou.Ifyou’rehappy,thatis.”
“I…thinkso,yeah.Thanks.”Itrytosoundthepart,butIcanfeelexhaustioncreepingbackin.Lyingishardwork.“ButIhavetogo.”
“Ofcourse.Somuchsextohaveandmoneytospend.You’reabusywomannow.”
Isnort.“I’lltalktoyousoon,okay?”
“Lunch!”shedemands.“Wewillhavelunch.Itwillbealonglunch.Verythorough.Nodetailtoosmall,doyouhearme?”
Now,mysmilecomeseasily.JordenissoquintessentiallyJordeninthismomentthatIcan’thelpbutloveher.“Ihearyou.It’sadeal.”
AndIreallymeanit.Oneday,I’mgoingtositdownandtellJordeneverything.Thetruth.
Ijusthavenoideawhenthatwillbe.24CORA
Onmylongtrekbackacrossthelawn,IdecidetocallFrancia.Ialreadyhaveastomachachefromlyingtoonefriend.Imightaswellgoforadoubleheader.
Butshedoesn’tanswer.Itrytotellmyselfthatdoesn’tmeananything.Ivan’smenarewatchingoverher.She’ssafe.Hewouldn’tletanythinghappentoher.
Ifireoffatextinstead.
Todaywasinsane.Idon’tknowwhatyouknow,but…yeah.Callmewhenyougetachance.I’mokay.Iwanttomakesureyouare,too.
Sinceshedidn’tanswermycall,Idon’texpectaquickresponse.ButbeforeIcanevenpocketmyphone,itbuzzes.
FRANCIA:I’mokay.Butapparentlymyapartmentisn’tsafe?Thesepeoplearetellingmetheyknowyou,andIshouldtrustthem?WHATISGOINGON?
Lyingtoherisgoingtobesignificantlyharder.Jordenwaseasilyropedintothefauxromanticismofthewholething.Dangeramidawhirlwindromanceandallthatjazz.Franciahasalwaysbeenmorepractical.
CORA:Youcantrustthem.There’stoomuchtoexplain,buthopefullythiswillbeoversoonandyoucangohome.
FRANCIA:Didsomethinghappenattheparty?
Inervouslytapmythumbsontheedgesofthephone.Ivanshouldhavegivenmeascriptforthis.Orheshouldhavehandledtheseconversationshimself.IhavenoideawhatI’mallowedtosay,butIknowonesmallslip-upcouldmeanFrancianolongerhastheprotectionsheneeds.
CORA:WhatdoyouknowaboutIvanPushkin?
FRANCIA:Iknowheshowedupattherestaurantthismorningtotalktoyou.Didsomethinghappenlastnight?
Everythinghappenedlastnight.MorethanIwanttoexplaintoherovertext.
BeforeIcanformulatearesponse,anothertextfromFranciavibratesin.
FRANCIA:Ifyou’regettingmarried,tellmenow
SheknowsmoreaboutthepartylastnightthanIthoughtshewould.Shedidn’tmentionitwassomematchmakingthingwhenshesentmeoffunderhername.Probablybecauseshedidn’tthinkitwasimportant.WhatwouldsomeonelikeIvanPushkinwantwithsomeonelikeme?
Thequestionechoesaroundallofthedeep,darkplacesofmybrain.
Whatdoesheseeinsomeonelikeme?
Nothing,apparently.I’mjustthebait
CORA:Ican’texplaineverythingrightnow.I’msafe,andI’mmakingsureyouare,too.I’lltellyoumorewhenIcan.
Beforetheguiltcanslitherundermyskin,Isilencethephoneandslideitbackinmypocket.
AssoonasIsetfootonthebrickpatio,thedoorfromthekitchenopensandNilesstepsoutside.Icantellhehasbeenwaitingforme.
“Mrs.Pu—Cora,”hecorrectshimselfdeftly.“AfewofthethingsI’veorderedforyouhavearrived.Iwantedtoletyouknowincaseyouwantedtounpackthemyourself.”
“Already?It’sonlybeenafewhours.”
Hissmileisslight,butproud.“Ihaveawonderfulworkingrelationshipwithmanydesignersandboutiques.TheywerehappytoputsomethingtogetheronshortnoticeforMr.Pushkin’snewbride.”
Bride.I’llnevergetusedtohearingthatword.Certainlynotwhenit’saimedinmydirection.
“Youreallydidn’thavetogotoallthetroubleforme,Niles.”
“OfcourseIdid,”hesays.“Itwasmypleasure,butmorethanthat,Ivaninsisted.”
Appearances,Itellmyself.Thisisjustaboutappearances.
Everythingwe’redoingisforthecharade.ItwillbemorebelievablethatamanlikeIvancouldbeslummingitwithagirllikemeifI’mwearingtherightclothes.Asabonus,awholeslewofshopkeepersanddesignersnowknowIvanPushkinisengaged.Thewordisspreading.
Allpartofhisplan.
Iswallowdownmypanicandforceasmiletomyface.“Thankyousomuch,Niles.I’llbeinsideinaminute.”
Hebowsandslipsaway.
IgobackandforthforafewmomentsonwhatIwanttodo,butintheend,exhaustionwinsout.I’llunpackandthentakeanap.Everythingwillfeelmoremanageableafterabitofrest.
ItakeonelonglookatthebackyardandthensteelmyselfasIwalkthroughthedoorsintothekitchen.
Nileshasdisappearedandthekitchenisempty.There’satrayoffruitandcheeseleftonthecounter.Itremindsmeofgoingtoopenhouseswithmymom,backbeforeshemarriedmystepfatherandaftermybiologicaldadleft.Ican’tcounthowmanystalechocolatechipcookies,tinypickles,andlukewarmfingersandwicheswepilferedfromrealestateagentswhowouldnevergetourbusiness.
Itakeacheesesquareforoldtimes’sakeandnibbleonitasIwalkoutofthekitchen.
IcutacrosstheformallivingroomandamalmosttotheentrywaywhenIhearheavyfootstepsonthestairs.Ifreeze.It’stoolatetorunbacktothekitchen—whoeveriscomingwouldseemeretreating.ButIcan’tforcemyselftokeepwalkingintosomeunknownsocialsituation.
Thenasetofstrongthighscomeintoview.Followedbyadevastatinglytaperedwaistwrappedinatightgrayt-shirt.Idon’tneedtokeeplookingtoknowthisbodyistoppedwithasquarejawandmoltenambereyes.
Ivanjogsdownthestairs.
Helookslikehe’sinahurry.Maybehe’llbreezerightoutthedoor.Maybehewon’tseeme.
Istaystill,watchinghimdescendthestairsandstarttoturninmydirection.Butbeforehecanseeme,afemalevoicecutsthroughthequiet.
“Whyhaven’tyoucalledme?”
Awomanstepsintothedoorway.Herbackistome,butshehasanhourglassshapeanddark,wavyhairthatfallstohermid-back.She’sinatallpairofwedgesandabreezysummerdress.Itdoesn’ttakeadetectivetorecognizethatsheisgorgeous.
NortoseehowIvan’sfacelightsupwhenheseesher.
Thesightofhisgenuinesmilenearlyknocksmebackwards.Straight,whiteteethbehindfulllips.
MyGodinheavenabove,isthatadimpleinhisrightcheek?
TheheatstirringinmycoreisimmediatelydousedwhenthewomanthrowsherselfintoIvan’sarms…andhehugsherback.
“I’vebeenbusy,”hemurmursintoherdarkhair.“ButI’mfine.”
“AndhowthehellwasIsupposedtoknowthat?”Shepullsbackandsqueezeshiselbowsasifshe’smakingsurethey’restillproperlyattached.“Yashatoldmetherewasashootingandthenimmediatelystoppedresponding.Youneedtotalktohimabouthisphoneetiquette.”
Ivanrollshiseyes.“Ineedtotalktohimaboutalotofthings.Ihaditallhandled.Heshouldn’thaveworriedyouovernothing.”
Herhandreachesouttostrokehischeek.Ivanducksaway,butsheforcesthecontact,pattinghisface.“I’malwaysgoingtoworryaboutyou,Ivan.Iloveyou.”
IsworetomyselfthatIdidn’tcarehowmanywomenIvanhadbeenwithorwouldbewith.It’snoneofmybusiness.Heisgoingtogetmarriedonedayandhavechildrenwithanotherwoman.Noneofthatismybusiness.
Becausethisispretend
Wearepretending
NomatterhowmanywaysIexplainittomyself,though,itdoesn’tchangethefactthatmyjealousyisvery,veryreal.
“Oh,”thewomansays.“Andwhohasbeeninmyroom?Thereareclothesonthebedandmyclosetisamess.Nilesisslippingupwiththecleaningaroundhere.”
Herroom?IturntoleavebeforeIdosomethingI’llregret,butIvan’svoicestopsmeinmytracks.
“ThatwasCora.She’sinthelivingroom,ifyouwanttomeether.”
Imouthacurseandspinaround,screwingmyfaceintoasmile.
Ivanswoopsintotheroom,hisarmaroundthewoman’sshoulders.Evenfromtheback,Iknewshewasbeautiful.Now,thereisnodoubt.
Shehasaheart-shapedfaceandrosyapplecheeks.Herlashesarelongenoughthattheymightstillbeattachedtothegoddesswhomusthavebestowedthemonher.
Icanhandlealot,butbeingintroducedtomyfakehusband’smistressispushingmeaweebitbeyondmycomfortablelimit.
“Cora,”Ivanrumbles.Hisvoiceisdeepandcasual.Hedoesn’tsoundguiltyatall.“I’dlikeyoutomeet—”
“I’mCora,”Iinterrupt,holdingmyhandouttothewoman.“I’mIvan’sfiancée.”
Whatinthehellhascomeoverme?WhoamI?
IglanceatIvan.Hismouthisatightline.Thedimpleinhisrightcheekismakinganencoreappearanceforaverydifferentreason.
Screwit.Hedidn’twantmetotellher?Thenheshouldn’thavebroughtherhere.
Iexpectthewomantobeupset,butshe’ssmirking.Actually…she’sshakinglikeshewantstolaugh,butisholdingitback.
“Nicetomeetyou,Cora.I’mAnya.”Herhandissilkysmoothinmine.She’sneverdoneadayofworkinherlife.“Ivan’ssister.”
Myrunninglistof“ReasonsWhyThisShe-DevilIsTheAbsoluteWorstAndDeservesAFieryDeath”freezesmid-scroll.Ifthiswasacartoon,myeyeswouldbugoutofmyhead.
“Sister,”Ibreathe.“You’rehis…sister.You’resiblings.”
“Andyou’rehisfiancée!”SheelbowsIvanintheside.“Thatwould’vebeennicetoknow,too.”
Ivanmumblesthroughahalf-heartedexcuse,butI’msoovercomewithreliefthatI’mnotpayingattention.
Theguestroomwasn’tforaharemofsexualpartners.Itwasforhissister.
Theknotinmystomacheases.Mychestdoesn’tfeelastight.ButthereliefischasedbyaboltofpanicbecauseIshouldn’tfeelrelievedatall.
NoneofthisismybusinessandIcan’taffordtocareaboutmyfakehusband.25IVAN
“Whendidallthishappen?”AnyawagsafingerbetweenmeandCora.
“Whendoyouthink?Youwereatthepartylastnight,”Igrumble.
Sheelbowsmeagain.“Yeah,Iwas.WhichmeansIhadtotalktodozensofwomenwhothoughtthebestwaytoyoumightbethroughme.”SheturnstoCora.“Ineversawyou,though.”
Coratucksastrandofhairbehindherear.Herfaceblushespink,matchingthenewcoloronhershoulders.
Shespenthoursoutside.Iwatchedherwalkingaroundthelawnandthoughtaboutgoingtojoinher.
Butaftermyweaknessintheshower,Idecidedthatkeepingmydistancemightbeforthebest.
Anyasighswhenbothofusremainawkwardlysilent.“Really?Isthissomebigsecret?Iwanttohearaboutyourmeet-cute.Now!”
“Don’tbeabrat.”
Anyaspinstoelbowmeagain,butCorainterrupts.“She’snotbeingabrat.Ithinkit’snicethatyoucareaboutwhatisgoingoninyourbrother’slife.”
Anyapressesahandtoherchestforastunnedmomentandthen,beforeIcanstopher,shepullsCoraintoabearhug.“Iknewmybrotherwouldfindtheperfectwomanforhimsomeday.Ijustknewit.”
CorameetsmyeyesoverAnya’sshoulderforjustasecondbeforequicklylookingaway.Shepatsmysisteronthebackandmanagesasmile.
Anyawhipsoutanarmtoropemeintothehug.Shesqueals.“I’msohappyforyoutwo!”
Coraispressedagainstmyarm.Thewarmthofherbodysearsintome.Shesmellslike…likeme,actually.Likesandalwood.Nilesmusthavestockedhershowerwithmybodywash.Itsparkssomepossessivepartdeepinsideofme.
Sheismine.
“Okay.That’senough.”Islideoutofthehugandputsomedistancebetweenus.“Whyareyouhere,Anya?I’msureyourhusbandmissesyou.Youshouldbegettingback.”
Istarttosteerherforthedoor,butshedodgesme.“Areyoutryingtogetridofmealready?Ijustgothere.”
Exactly.AnyahasonlybeenhereforthreeminutesandI’malreadyquestioningeverything.
ThisfakemarriageplanseemedlikeagoodideabeforeCorashookmysister’shandandintroducedherselfasmyfiancée.Anyahasalwayswantedmetogetmarriedforlove.It’sbeenimportanttohersinceshegotmarried.
“LevandIaresohappy.Iwantthatforyou,too,”shesaidonherweddingday.“Whateverittakes,Iwantyoutobethishappy,Ivan.”
Sheshouldknowbetterthanmostthatitisn’tpossibleforme,butshestillheldontohope.
Now,I’mtoyingwiththosehopes.It’sforherowngood—forthegoodoftheBratva—butitdoesn’tmakemefeelanybetter.
I’mabouttotellAnyathatsheshouldleavebecauseCoraandIwanttobealone,butthenCoraswoopsinanddelicatelyloopsherarmthroughAnya’s.“Nooneistryingtogetridofyou.We’dlovetohaveyou.Nilesmadesomesnacksinthekitchen.”
Again,Anya’smouthfallsopen.Sheturnstome,sheerdelightwrittenalloverherface.“Doyouseethishospitality?Ican’tbelieveI’veputupwithyourbrutishwaysforsolong.”
Iflipheroffandsheblowsmeakissinresponse.
“Idon’twanttooverloadyou,”Corateases,“butIwasthinkingaboutmakingcoffee,too.”
Anyagroans.“Cora,youandIaregoingtogetalongfamously.”
That’swhatI’mworriedabout.
Thetwoofthemsashayintothekitchen.Itrailalongirritably.Coragetsplatesdownoutofthecabinetandpassesthemout.Anyagrabsahandfulofcheeseandcrackersandthenleansin,agrinonherface.
“Tellmeeverything.Fulldetailsofthemeet-cute.”
IexpectCoratobuckleundermysister’sinsistence.Whenpeoplearen’tusedtoAnya,shecanbealot.“TMI”isnotpartofhervocabulary.
Instead,Corasmileswitheaseanddoesn’tevenlookatmeassheanswers.“Iknowitprobablysoundscrazy,butwemetforthefirsttimelastnight.”
“Sothepartyworkedthen?”Anyaclapsherhands.“Wereyouintroduced,or—”
“Enoughwiththeinquisition,”Isnap
Thistime,Coraistheonetoreachoutandlayherhandovermine.Electricitybuzzesinthespacebetweenourskin.
“Idon’tmindansweringherquestions.”Coragivesmeapracticedsmileandthenfocusesherattentiononmysister.“IthinkIvanistryingtoprotectme.”
Anyafrowns.“Protectyoufromwhat?”
IhavenoideawhatCoraisabouttosay.Ihavehalfamindtointerrupther.Idon’tknowhowI’mgoingtoexplaintomysisterthatthisentirethingisbullshit,soIsureasfuckdon’twantCoradoingitforme.
ButI’malsofascinatedbythewaysheistakingcontrolofthissituation.Iwanttoseewhatshedoeswithit.
“Lastnightdidn’tgoexactlythewayIplanned,”Coraadmits.“Ifirstmetyourbrotherwhenhesavedmefrombeinggropedbysomedrunkman.”
“StefanosGenakos,”IexplainwhenAnyalookstomeforanexplanation.
Shegrimaces.“Oh.Gross.HebackedmeintomorethanonecornerbeforeIgotmarried.Heshouldbebannedfromtheseparties.”
“Iwouldsecondthat.Hewasnotagentleman.Yourbrother,however,was.Hesteppedinandprotectedme.”Corareachesoverandgrabsmyhandagain.Shetakesiteasily,curlingherfingersaroundminelikewe’vedoneitamilliontimesbefore.
Anyastaresatourintertwinedhandslikeshemightbeseeingthings.“Well,brother,willStefanoslivetotellthetale?”
“He’lllivetotellthetaleofhowhegothisasskicked.”
AnyasilentlycheersasCoracontinues.“ButbeforeIvanswoopedin,theguy—Stefanos,Iguess—rippedmydress.”
Anyagasps.“No!Where?”
“Rightupthebackside.”Coradropsherfaceintoherhandswiththeperfectself-deprecatingchuckle.“Thematerialwasreallydelicate.Bythetimeyourbrotherfoundme,theentiredresshadshreddedapart.Iwasstandinginnothingbutmybirthdaysuittryingtofixitsomehow.”
“No!”Anyaclapsbothhandsoverhermouthandlooksatme.“Whatdidyoudo?”
“Igavehermysuitjacket.”
“WhichIthoughtwasverychivalrousofhim—untilIshoweduptodayandfoundouttherewasanentireclosetofyourclothesjustafewdoorsdownthehallIcouldhavechangedinto,”Corasays.
Anyalungesacrosstheislandandslapsmyarm.“Allmenarecreeps!EspeciallytheonesI’mrelatedto.”
“Icouldhaveletherleavenaked,”Ipointout.“SoIthinkthesuitjacketwasafaircompromise.”
“Pig!”Anyaaccusesevenasshehastobitebackalaugh.
Coraslipsoffofherbarstoolandturnstothecoffeepot.Whileshe’saway,Anyasilentlypullsonmysleeve.She’samazing,shemouths,jabbingafingerinCora’sdirection.
Iwaveherawaywithoutaresponse.Iwon’tdareopenmymouthonthetopic.There’snotellingwhatImightaccidentallysay.
“Thiscoffeepotislikeaspaceship.”Corastandsbackandbopsthesideofthestainlesssteelmachinelikethatmighthelp.“IneedaPhDjusttogetmycaffeinefix.”
Imovebehindher,slidinganarmaroundherbacktofliptheswitchontheside.Myforearmgrazesoverherhipbone.Herhairticklesmychin.It’sanordinarykindofcontactthatfeelssomehowabilliontimesmoreintimatethanwhatwedidintheshadowslastnight.
Coraturns.She’sblushingfromheadtotoe,butsheraisesherchinwithdignity.“Thankyou.”
“Mypleasure.”Myvoiceislittlemorethanarasp.
Sheblinksandslidespastme.“Coffeewillbereadyinafewminutes.Doyoutakecreamandsugar,Anya?”
“Ungodlyamountsofboth,”Anyareplies.
Thishostessactisthrowingmeforaloop.Atthedropofahat,Coraisoperatingwiththenonchalantgracethatmostwomenearnaftercountlesstutorsandtoomanyreprimandstocount.
Whoisthiswoman?
I’mstillmullingoverCora’spossibleoriginswhenIrealizewhatAnyaissaying.
“I’vebeenhopingIvanwouldfindsomeoneniceforliteralcenturies.”Shegrinsoveratme.“Hemaynotliketoshowit,butIvanisachampionoflove.”
Corapracticallychokesonacracker.Shecalmsherselfdownandschoolsherexpression.“Isthatso?”
“Itis!Ivanwantsthepeoplearoundhimtobehappy.Hegoestogreatlengthstoensuretheyare.”
Shit.AnyathinksCoraandIaretherealdeal.Shehasboughtintoourliesocompletelythatsheisabouttospillourfamilydramatoher.I’mtryingtocomeupwithacasualwaytotellhertoshutthefuckupandleavewhenthefrontdoorbangsopen.
“Hello!”
Corasitstaller.“Areyouexpectinganyoneelse?”
“No,I—”
“Etotchertovdommorg?Wherethefuckiseverybody?”
MysisterandIshareapainedexpressionasmyfather’svoiceringsthroughthehouseagain.
Idragahanddownmyface.“Guessit’safamilyfuckingreunion.”26IVAN
“Ivan?”Myfather’svoiceechoesthroughthehouse,growingcloser.“Ivan!”
CoraisstaringbackandforthbetweenAnyaandme.“Whatdon’tIknow?”
Ihearhisheavyfootstepsonthetileandmychestclenchesupwithanger,sameasitalwaysdoeswhentheoldbastardintrudeswhereheisn’twanted.
Anyaisthefirstoneoutofherseat.Shemeetshiminthedoorway,herarmsaroundhismiddle.“Hi,Daddy.”
Ibowslightly.“Hello,Fath—”
“WhatthefuckdidIjusthearaboutashootoutthismorning?”hesnaps.“Youwereinashittypartoftowntakingdownamercenary?”
AnyapullsawayfromOtetsandgawksatme.“Youtoldmeitwasnothing!”
“Ihandledit.Therewasnothingtotell.”
“That’snotnothing,Ivan!”shegasps.“That’sahugesteamingpileofsomething!”
“ThisiswhyIdidn’ttellyou.Iwasn’talmostkilled.ThesniperwasgoingafterCora.”
Ifpossible,Anya’sfacepalesevenfurther.SheturnstoCora.“Yousathereandtoldmeallaboutyourmeet-cute,butdidn’tmentiontheassassinationattemptyoudodgedthismorning?”
Islipbetweenthetwoofthem,feelingoddlyprotectiveofmypretendfuturewife.Anyatakesastepback,catchingthehint.
Myfatherisn’tsoeasilydefeated.
Hedoesn’tevenhavetolookathertocutherdowntosize.“Whywereyoueventhere,Ivan?Idon’tunderstandwhatinthehellanattemptonthelifeofawaitresshastodowithyou.”
“Daddy,”Anyawhispers,“sheisIvan’sfiancée.”
Fuckinghell.ThisisnothowIwantedtoannounceanyofthis.
Withoutevenglancingatme,heshakeshisheadandlaughs.“No,sheisn’t.”MyfatherwavesAnyaoutofthewayandmovesinonme.“Iwanttoknowwhatisgoingon,Ivan.Iwanttoknowrightfuckingnow.”
Isigh.“CorawasattackedbecausesomeonebelievedsheandIweregoingtogetmarried.Idecidedthebestwaytosmokeoutwhoauthorizedtheattackwouldbetocontinuetheruse.”
Mysisterdragsherselfbacktotheislandanddropsintoabarstool.“So…youaren’tgettingmarried?”
Corahasn’tsaidawordsincemyfatherarrived,butsheleansinclose.“I’msorry,Anya.Forwhatit’sworth—”
Iinterrupt.“Ithoughtthebestwaytoensurenoonefoundoutwe’repretendingwastolietoeveryone.”
“I’mnoteveryone,”Anyahisses.“I’myoursister.JustbecauseI’mnotintheinnercircledoesn’tmeanIdon’tdeservetoknowwhatthefuckis—”
Otetsslashesahandthroughtheair,silencingherinstantly.“Enough,Anya!Thisisbiggerthanyourhurtfeelings.”
Anyaopensandcloseshermouth.Ultimately,shedecidestostayquiet.Shecrossesherarmsandleansagainsttheislandwhilemyfatherchangescourse,closinginonCora.
Coralookstome.EverybitoftheingrainedpolitenessIsawfrombeforeisgone.ShecouldhandleAnya,butsheiswayoutofherdepthwiththemanwhobirthedme.Hergreeneyesarewide,searchingmyfaceforawayout.
“Whoareyou?”heasksher.
Cora’sfulllipspartandclose.Sheclearsherthroatandsitstall.“MynameisCoraSt.Clair.”
Hefrowns.“Idon’trecognizeit.Areyousomebody?”
Coradoesn’tunderstandthequestion.Whowouldunderstandaquestionlikethat?Isn’teverybodysomebody?
Notinourworld.
Imovetostandnexttoher.“Shetoldyouwhosheis.”
“Idon’tknowanySt.Clairs.”
“Oh.”Coralooksdownatherlap,herheadshaking.“Youwouldn’t.It’smyfather’sname,buthe…heleftus.Itwasjustmeandmymom.She’snot—Well,I’mnotreallyfrom—Icametothepartywithafriendlastnight.”
“Fuckinghell.Youreallyarejustawaitress.”Hespinsonhisheel,pacingbackandforth.Thenhestopsinfrontofheragain.“Howmuchofthisplanwasyouridea?”
“What?”
“Yougofromwaitingtablestobeingwaitedon.It’sanicedealforyou,”heaccuses.“Didyousetthisupwithoneofyourfriendstoplayrichandfuckmyson?”
“Enough,”Igrowl.
Heignoresme.“Ibettheassassinwasoneofyourfriends.Maybeabrother?Aboyfriend?”
Coraistooshockedtoevenspeak.
“Ikilledtheassassin,”Itellhim.
“Wonderful.”Hesnorts.“Sonow,she’salooseendwithleverage.Thisjustkeepsgettingbetterandbetter.”
“I’mnot—”Coraletslooseashakybreathandtriesagain.“I’mnotgoingtotellanyoneanything.Ivansavedme.”
“Yes,butwhy?”Heleansinclose,thewordhissingbetweenhisteeth.“Whyareyouworthhistime?”
“Daddy,”Anyatriestointervene.
Heturnstoher.“What?AmIsupposedtobelievebothmychildrenhaveafetishforthelowerclasses?”
Anya’sfaceflames.Icanseeherclenchingherteethtokeepquiet.
Withhercowed,heturnsbacktome.“Idon’tknowwhyI’msurprised.YouloveputtingwomenonmypayrollwhodoabsolutelynothingtobenefittheFamily.”
Usually,I’dletmyfatherrunoutofsteambeforesteppingintobethevoiceofreason.Steppinginnow,however,keepshimfromrevealingtoCorafarmorethanacivilianlikehershouldknowaboutwhoweareandwhatwedo.
ItalsohastheaddedbenefitofdeflectingthebarbshemeantformysisterandCora.He’smadeitnosecretthathethinksAnyaandherhusbandarenothingbutadrainonthefamily.They’vearguedaboutituntilthey’rebothredintheface.Itdoesnogood.Anyadoesn’tneedtositthroughthatlectureagain.
“IdowhatIhavetodotofixthefuckingmessesyouinsistoncreatingforus,”Isnarl.
“TheonlythingIdidwhereKaterinawasconcernedisarrangeaperfectmatchforyou.You’retheonewhothrewitallawayfor—”HeflingsadisgustedhandinCora’sdirection.“This.”
“Thisisn’taboutKaterinaorCora,”Isaywithpreternaturalcalm.“Thisisaboutprotectingourfamilyfromsomeonewhowantstohurtit.”
Tenyearsago,Iwouldn’thaveneededtoexplainthis.Buttimeandagehaswornonmyfather’sabilitiestoseesituationsclearly.Heisallinstinctandragenow.Logictakesabackseat.
Hisflabbyjawworksbackandforth.“Thegirlisuseless.Shedoesn’thaveanyconnections.Whatgooddoesshedoforus?”
Iwanttopointoutthatninety-eightpercentofthewomenmyfatherhand-selectedtobeatmypartylastnightareundeniablyuseless.Theyarelittlemorethanprettylawnornamentsperchedinfrontoftheirfamilyestates.LookatwhereIcomefrom.Stopandadmireme.
Coraisnothinglikethat.
Itdoesn’tultimatelymatter,though.BecauseIhaveaverygooduseforCora.Myfatherisjusttooblindtoseeit
“Corahelpsmedrawouttheidentityofthepersonboldenoughtoattackourfamily.”
“Wecandoitwithouther.Withoutyoutakingyourselfoffthemarketandruiningthepotentialofasuitablematchbeingmade.”
“Coraisgoingtobealitmustestforwhoamongstouralliesistrustworthyandwhoistryingtomanipulateus.Ifyouthinkthat’suseless,perhapsit’stimeforyoutoretire.”
Hescowls.“You’dlovethat,wouldn’tyou?”
Igivehimatightsmile.“Ionlywantwhatisbestforthefamily.”
Westareateachotherforafewseconds.He’sdecidingwhethertopush.Whethertofight.
Idon’thavetodecide:I’lldieonthishill.
Finally,hetakesastepback,nodding.“Youthinkyouarereadytolead?Fine.Proveit.HandlethisbeforeitbecomesaproblemIhavetofix.Ihaveafeelingyouwon’tlikemysolution.”
WithonelastscowltossedinCora’sdirection,heturnsandleaves.27CORA
Thatcouldnothavegoneworse.
Assoonasthefrontdoorslamsclosed,Anyablowsoutabreath.Ivandoesn’tmove.Hestaresinthedirectionhisfatherleftlikeheexpectshimtoreturnandwreakmorehavoc.Likethevillaininaslashermoviecomingbacktolifeafteryou’recertainhe’sdead.
IlookovertoAnya,butshewon’tmeetmyeyes.
Iliedtoher.Igetit.Butsomeoneneedstobreakthissilence,tocleartheair.
Iguessthatsomeoneisme.
Istepforward.“Thankyou,Ivan,for…”Iswallow.“I’msorrythatdidn’tgowell,butthankyoufordefendingme.I’msurehe’llcomearoundand—”
“Anya.”Hisvoiceisicyrageashelooksovermyshoulderathissister.“TakeCoraupstairs.”
Anyastandsup.“Ihavetogoand—”
HisbreathcomesoutinalowgrowlthatsilenceswhateverwasgoingtobeAnya’sexcuse.Thenheturnsandstompsoutofthekitchen.
Icrossmyarmsovermychest,wishingIcouldsinkintothefloorbeneathmyfeet.
AnyaandIsitinsilenceforasecond,bothofusdumbfoundedastohowtomoveforward.
Afewminutesago,Anyahadherarmwrappedaroundmineandthesamewide,dimpledsmileI’veseenonherbrother’sfaceonlytwice.Now,hermouthisathinslashasshetipsherheadtotheleft.“Let’sgo.”
“Anya,I’msorryabout—”
“It’sfine,”shesnaps.Sheascendsthestairs.Itrailbehindheruntilwegettomyroom,whereshesitsonthetuftedbenchatthefootofthebed.
Iclosethedoorandleanagainstthedresser,toonervoustositdown.“Itdoesn’tfeelfine.Idon’tfeelfineaboutit.Idon’tlikelying.”
“Yousuredidaconvincingjob.”
Isigh.“Todaywasalot.IwasjustdoingwhatIthoughtI—”
“Iknow.”Anyasighsandwavesahandthroughtheair.“I’mbeingabitch.Youdidn’thaveanymorechoicethantherestofusdo.Iunderstand.IguessI’mjust…Usually,I’mthepersonwhoisinonIvan’splans.I’mtheonehetells—well,noteverything,buthetellsmealot.Usually.”
Ivanbeingclosetohissister…Ineverwouldhaveimaginedit,butIcanseeitnow.AnyaislightandwarminthesamewayIvanseemstostayshroudedindarknessandmystery.Theybalanceeachotherout.Twosidesofthesamecoin
“I’msurehewouldhavetoldyouthetruth,”Ioffer.“Thisallhappenedsofast.Imean,eighteenhoursago,Ididn’tknowyourbrotherexisted.Now,we’remarried.Fakemarried.Actually,fakeengaged.Idoubttherewillevenbeawedding.”
Anyahuffsoutalaugh.“Iseeyouallhavereallyplannedthisout.”
“Hardly,”Imumble.“We’vebarelyevenspoken.EverythingItoldyoudownstairswastrue,though.Abouthowwemet.Thatallhappenedjustlastnight.Theonlythingthatwasaliewasthemarriagepart.”
Shegivesmeatightsmile.“Thanksforyourhonesty.”
Itoeattheplushcarpet.“Youcangoifyouwant.Ivantoldyoutotakemeupstairsand…”Igesturearound.“I’mupstairs.Youdon’thavetostay.”
Shearchesabrow.“I’mnotaservant,either.Idon’tfollowmybrother’scommands.”
Mymouthopensandclosesuselessly.“Right.Youjustsaid…Itseemedlikeyouwantedtoleave,butheaskedyoutobringmehere.Yousaidyoudon’thaveachoice,soIthoughtyou’dwantto—”
“I’mbeingabitchagain.”Shesighsandrearrangesherhair.“Everyonedoeswhatmybrothercommands.ItcomeswiththeterritoryofbeingBratva.”
Bratva.HellifIknowwhatitmeans,butitcan’tbegood.Ivanshotamanintheheadamatterofhoursago,forfuck’ssake,andhisfamilyactslikethisisanynormaldayforthem.HowdeepdoestherabbitholegoforthePushkinfamily?
“Areyougoingtoworkforyourbrotheronedaythen?”
“Ialreadydo.”
“ButIthoughtyourdadwas—”
“It’scomplicated.”Sheshrugs.“He’ssteppingdownandIvanistakingover.ButI’llstillbethesecond-borndaughterwhomarriedadisappointment.Nobirthright,nopenis,andnorich,well-connectedhusband.ImightaswellbeanSTDonthefamilyjewelsforallthegoodIdo.”
I’vegotamillionandonequestions.WhatdoesaBratvado?WhatdoesIvando?Whatexactlyishe‘takingover’?Doesthatmeanhe’s—
Butjustasthewordscometomylips,Anyaclapsandstands.“Anyway,I’mjustbeingadrag.Don’tmindme.IvanalwayssaysIthrowapitypartybetterthananyone.That’sallthisis.”
“Everyonehasfamilydrama.Igetit.Iknowwearen’treallygoingtobesisters-in-law,butyoucanstilltalktomeifyouwant.I’msureIvanwillbringmeanNDAorsomethingsimilarsoonenough.I’llbelegallyboundtokeepyoursecrets.”
“AnNDA,”sherepeatswithasoftchuckle.“Howquaint.”
Thatsendsashiverdownmyspine.Whoarethesepeoplewhoseemtooperateentirelyoutsideofthelaw?Thesepeoplewiththeirguardsandmansionsandsecretsandtheirimpliedthreatsswimmingbehindeverysingleword?
“Yourbrothersavedmylife.He’ssavingmyfriends’lives.Iowehim,iswhatI’msaying.Youcantrustme.”
Anyatipsherheadtotheside,sympathywrittenalloverherface.Thenshegrabsherpursefromtheendofthebedandwalkstowardsthedoor,stoppingforonlyasecondtolayahandonmyshoulder.“Firstruleofsurvivinginourworld,Cora:don’ttrustanyone.”
BeforeIcansayanythingelse,Anyaclosesthedoorbehindher.28CORA
MyphoneringsnotlongafterAnyaleaves.“Hi,”JordensayswhenIanswer,hervoicesurprisinglysharp.“Doyouhaveasecond?”
Isitonthewindowseatandtuckmyfeetunderme.“Ihavenothingbutseconds.”
“HasIvansaidanythingtoyou?”
Ichewonmycheek.“He’ssaidalotofthings.”You’reanemptyvesselIcanuseasIplease.Asbait.Asawife.That’swhatmakesyouperfectforthis,Cora.“Likewhatinparticular?”
“Like…Idon’tknow,”shemumbles.“Somethingaboutwhatisgoingon.Yousaideverythingisfine,butthesetwomassivemenarestandingoutsidemyapartmentrightnowandI’mkindafreakingout.”
I’monmyfeetbeforesheevenfinishesthesentence.Myheartisinmythroat,thunderingaway,makingitimpossibletobreathe.
“Areyouokay?”Ichokeout.“Whoarethey?”
MaybeIcanyellforIvan.He’llknowwhattodo.Hecouldgetsomeonetoherfasterthanthepolicecould,surely.
“Guards,Iguess.”
Ifrown.“Guards?”
“Yeah,that’swhatYashasaid.”
Iclosemyeyesandtrytocalmthestormofpanicinmychest.“YoutalkedtoYasha?”
“Hecalledmeanhouragoandtoldmehewassendingguardstowatchmyapartment.”
Idropmyfaceinmyhandsandblowoutalongbreath.“Okay.Leadwiththatnexttime.Ithoughtyouwereabouttobekidnapped.”
“What?Isthatapossibility?IsthatwhyIhavetheguards?”
ThisJordenisamuchdifferentversionthantheoneIspoketoafewhoursago.Before,shewaswrappedupinthecharmofmywhirlwindromance.Now,shesoundsterrified.
“No.You’renotgoingtobekidnapped.Thewayyousaidthatjustscaredme.”
“Thatmakestwoofus,Cora!Whatthefuckisgoingon?”
Whichispreciselythetitleofthischapterofmymemoir,forsure.WhattheFuckIsGoingOn?:Whyyoushouldn’thookupwithbillionairesatanarrangedmarriageparty.ByCoraSt.Clair.
Wait,no—CoraPushkin.
Ishiver.
“WhatdidYashatellyou?”
“Nothing.Well,almostnothing.AllhesaidisthatIwasgoingtohaveguardsoutsidemyapartment.Butwhy?Hewouldn’tansweranyofmyquestions.Obviously,somethingisgoingonthatIdon’tknowabout.”
Ikeepchewingontheinsideofmycheekuntilthecopperytasteofbloodfillsmymouth.“There’salotgoingonthatIdon’tknowabout,too,”Isayfinally.“ButYashaisjusttryingtokeepyousafe.MarryingIvanis…It’sarisk.Whenwordgetsout,myfriendscouldbecometargets.”
There’salongpausebeforeshespeaksagain.“AndthishasnothingtodowithhimbeinginaBratva?”
Forthesecondtimeinasmanyminutes,myheartlurchesuncomfortably.“What?”
Ivanmonitorsthesecalls.SomeoneisgoingtooverhearJordenmakingaccusations.She’llbecomeatarget—a“looseend,”asIvan’sdadsaid.Willtheycuther?
“Idon’tknow.I’vebeenlookingonlineeversincetheguardsshowedupandtherearesomeweirdstoriesoutthereaboutIvan.Likethatheissomekindofcrimebossorsomething.It’sallrumors,butit’sstartingtofeelpossible.”
RumorsavailabletoanyonewithaGooglesearchbar.Theycan’tkillherforthat,right?Surelynot.
“Youknowwhatkindofshitisontheinternetthesedays.Conspiracytheoriesandwhatnot.Thisisprobablyjustmoreof—”
“Soyouhaven’theardanythingweirdsinceyou’vebeenthere?”sheinterrupts.“Youjustmethimlastnight,Cora.Maybeitisn’tsafethatyou’restayingwithhim.”
“It’ssafehere.Ipromise.Ivanisprotectingme.”
Ihope.
Jordenhumsnervously.“Iwanttobehappyforyou.Iamhappyforyou.ButIalsoloveyou,girl,soIwanttomakesureyou’regoingtobeokayandIhaveaweirdfeelingaboutallofthis.”
Tearsfillmyeyes.“Iknow.Iloveyou,too.AllIwantisforyoutobesafe.That’swhyyouhaveguardsthere.It’sallbecauseIpanickedandwantedtomakesureourengagementwouldn’tputyouinanydanger.Youknow,sinceyouwereatthepartywithmelastnight,andtheneverythingthathappenedatthedinerthismorning…”
It’salsowhyI’mlyingnow:becausetellingherthetruthisn’tsafe.YashaandIvanandAnyahavemadeitclearthatthelesspeopleknowaboutwhatisgoingonhere,thesafertheyare.
Ignoranceisbliss.
“Thatdoesn’tmakeanysense.Whywouldanyonecarethatyou’regettingmarriedtoIvanPushkin?”sheasks.“I’mstartingtowonderiftheshootingthismorningwasactuallyarandomdrive-by.Hashesaidanythingtoyouaboutit?Arewesureitwasn’tsomeoneheisin,like,aturfwarwithorsomething?Ijustdon’twant—”
Myphonebuzzes.IpullitawayfrommyeartoseethatFranciaisFaceTimingme.
I’mnotsureacallfromFranciaisreallythesavinggraceIwishitwas,butrightnow,it’sallI’vegottoescapeJorden’sincrediblyaccuratelineofquestioning.
“Hey,Franciaiscallingme.Ihavetogo,butI’llcallyouback,”Isay,interruptingJordenmid-speech.“Bye!”
She’sstilltalkingwhenIendourcall.ThenItakeadeepbreath,pasteonasmile,andanswerFrancia.29CORA
“Hi,Franny.”
ThescreenisblackforasecondlongerbeforeFranciaappears.She’sholdingthephoneoutinfrontofher,butasthecallconnects,sheleansitagainstsomethingonthetableinfrontofherandsitsback.“Canyoutalk?”
“Yeah.Iwasjust—”DodgingJorden’squestionsandlyingtoourmutualfriend.“I’mfree.What’sup?”
“ItalkedtoJorden.”
“When?”Iask.“Iwasjusttalkingtoher.”
Arethetwoofthemtalkingandputtingthepiecestogether?MaybeIshouldfindawaytotellthemthetruthifitwillmeantheystoplookingforanswers.
“Afewhoursago.Shetoldmewhatyoutoldher.Aboutthewedding.Itwouldhavebeenniceifyou’dmentionedittome.”
“Iwasgoingtotellyou,Francia.Iwas.Ijustdidn’twanttodoitovertext.It’sallhappeningsofastandIneededasecondtoprocessit.I’msorry.”
“No,it’sokay.”Shesagsslightly.“Iwasfreakingoutearlier.”
“Probablybecausestrangersweretellingyouyouweren’tsafeinyourownapartment.”
Shechuckleshumorlessly.“Thatmighthavebeenpartofit,yeah.”
“Areyouokaynow,though?”Iask.“Ihaven’tcompletelyruinedyourlife,haveI?”
“Youhaven’truinedanything.Thisisnot—”Shefrownsandleanstowardsherphone.“Whereareyou?”
“I’minmyroom.”
“That’snotyourroom.”Franciashakesherhead.“Turnthecameraaround.Givemeatour.”
Istayseatedandquicklycirclemyphonearoundtheroom,toofastforhertoreallyprocess.“It’sjustaroom.Aniceroom.”
“Areallyniceroom,”Franciacorrects.“Whenistheweddinggoingtobe?”
“Ihavenoidea.Wehaven’treallytalkedaboutit.”
Wehaven’ttalkedaboutanything.I’vebarelyevenseenmyhusband-to-besincewegothere.
“I’msureitwillbesoon.Ivanwaslookingforawife,whichmeanshe’sreadytogetmarried.Nowthathe’schosenyou,what’sthepointinwaiting?Thiskindofthingusuallyleadstoashortengagement.”
“‘Thiskindofthing’?”Iask.“Youmakeitsoundlikethishappensalot.”
“Itisn’tsounusualforpeopleinhistaxbracket.ItisunusualforsomeonelikeIvan,”shesayssoftly.“He’sthetypewhocanmarrywhoeverhewants.ButIguessittookaspecialkindofwomantomakehimsettledown.”
Myfaceflushes.NotbecauseFranciaisright—butbecausesomepartofmewishesshewas.
IwishIcouldbethekindofwomanthatwouldturnIvan’shead.Thekindthatmightmakehimthinktwiceaboutsettlingdown.
Butthisisallfake.I’mnoone.Allofthisisnothing.
“HowdoyouknowIvan,Francia?”
“Idon’tknowhim.”
“Well,youwereinvitedtohisparty,”Iremindher.“Howdidyougetontheguestlist?”
“Oh…”Shewavesahanddismissively.“That’sjustoneofthoseweirdthings.Myfamilyknowshisfamilygoingwayback.WestillgetChristmascardsfromthePushkins.I’msuretheyinvitedeveryonetheyknowwhohaddaughters.”
WhatIwanttoaskis:DoyouknowwhataBratvais?Isyourfamilypartofacrimesyndicate?Haveyoueverseenamandierightinfrontofyoureyes?
Instead,Iask,“HowdoesyourfamilyknowthePushkins?”
“Myparentshavethis,like,boutiquefirmandBorisPushkinhiredthemyearsandyearsagotorepresenthim.Hewonhiscaseandtheystayedfriends.Morelikeacquaintances,really.”
“Yourparentsareattorneys?”IcanpracticallyfeelthebackofmynecktinglethinkingaboutIvan’sguardslisteninginonthisconversation.Everydetailfeelslikesomethingtheycanuseagainstmyfriends,sometallytheycanmakeasyetanotherreasontodisposeofthem.
“Mydadis.Mymomisalegalassistant.Iam,too,actually,”shesays.Thenshetipsherheadtotheside.“Technically.”
“Wait—youcouldworkatalawfirm,butyou’reawaitressatQuinta?o’s?”Assoonasthequestionisoutofmymouth,Itrytobacktrack.“Imean,It’sagoodjob.Iloveit.Iamjustsurprised.Don’tyourparentsneedyouatthefirm?”
Sheshakesherhead.“Notreally.Mypositionisinflux.IfIwasanyoneelse,they’dprobablyfireme.SinceI’mtheirdaughter,theykeepmeonretainerandpaymeareducedrate.It’senoughtolivecomfortablyandthetipsfromwaitressingareabonus.”
“Oh.Well,that’snice.”
“Ithasitsmoments,”sheadmits.“Buttheyhavealotof…expectationsofme.I’mnotquitereadytomeetthemallyet.WhenIam,Iwon’thavetimetopickupoddjobsandmeetnewpeople.”
AllthehoursI’vespentworkingwithFranciaandevenmeetingupfordrinksafterworkoratherapartment,Ineverrealizedhowmuchwehaveincommon.Orhowmuchwecouldhaveincommon.
Iknowwhatit’sliketobeintheshadowofyourfamilywithnowayout.
“Ican’tbelievewe’venevertalkedaboutanyofthisbefore,”Isay.
It’snotthatIhaven’tasked.It’sthatshehasthisamazingabilitytowriggleoutofanylineofquestioning.
Shefidgetswiththeedgeofthetable.“Yeah,well,thereisn’talotoftimetotalkwhenyou’rewaitingonafulldiningroomforfive-percenttips.”
Igroan.“Don’tevenremindme.”
“Whynot?It’snotlikeyou’regoingbacktowaitressinganytimesoon.”
“Oh—Er,Iguessnot.”
“Youguessnot?”sheasks.
IchewonmycheekbeforeIrememberI’monvideoandslaponasmile.“Probablynot.Ijusthadn’tthoughtaboutityet.”
TheyaregoingtohatemewhenIwaltzbackintoworkinafewdaysandtellthemthiswholethingwasaruse.IfIcaneventellthemthat.ToexplainwhatIvanandIaredoing…Itwouldrevealalotaboutwhoheis,whohisfamilyis.
MaybeI’llneverbeabletotellthemthetruth.
“Hmm.Well,ifyou’reasboredasIam,youprobablyhavenothingbuttimetothink.”
Iwince.“I’msorry.”
“It’snotyourfault,”shesaysquickly.“Ijustdon’thaveabig,strongmantokeepmecompanyinherethewayyoudo.I’mactuallylookingforwardtogoingbacktowork.”
Idon’thaveabig,strongmantokeepmecompany,either.Sofar,itseemslikeIvanisdoinghisbesttoavoidmeasmuchasI’vebeenavoidinghim.
“I’lllivevicariouslythroughyoutwo.Whathaveyoubeendoing?Doyouhaveanyplans?”
Iwanttomakesomethingup,butIcan’t.BecauseIwantittoomuch.Asafeplace,someonetoloveme,aworldawayfromtherunningandscrapingbyI’vebeendoing.I’veseenenoughtoknowIvanPushkinisn’ttheknightinshiningarmorgirl’sdreamabout,butforabrokengirllikeme,hefeelsawfullyclose.
Mythroatisclosingup.Franciaisstaringatmeexpectantly,waitingformetoanswerwhatshouldbeasimplequestion,butIcan’tfindasingleword.
Thenthere’saknockonmydoor.
Mysalvation.
“Oh,sorry,Fran—someoneisatthedoor.”
“I’llletyougo,then.”Shewaves.“Talktoyousoon.”
Icloseoutofthecall.Itfeelslikesteppingoffstage.Thelightsareoffofme,thecurtainsareclosed.TheperformanceisoverandIcanbreatheagain.
Theliesarefortheirownsafety,Itellmyself.I’mdoingeveryoneafavor.
“Justasecond,”Icallout.Istraightenmyshirtandpinchmycheeks,tryingtoforcesomecolorbackintomyface.Ifeelexhaustedandfrail,butIdon’twanttolooklikeit,too.
Someoneknocksonthedooragain.Harderthistime.
IhaveafeelingIknowwhoitis.30CORA
Ivanisleaningagainstthedoorframe,hisarmscrossed.“Awifeshouldnevermakeherhusbandwait.”
He’swearingshortsleeves.Forthefirsttime,Icanseehisarms.Theblacktattoosthatpeekoutofthecollarofhisshirtandsnakeupanddownhismuscledbicepsandthickforearms.
IsuppressashiverandturntosaunterbackacrossmyroomasifIcouldcarelessthathe’sstandinginmydoorway
“Iknewwewerepretendingtobeengaged.Ididn’tknowwewerepretendingtoliveintheDarkAges.”
Hechuckles.“Whathappenedtothewomanwhowasthankingmeprofuselyinthekitchenonlyafewhoursago?Isavedyoufrommybig,badfather,ifyourecall.”
“Yourfatherdidn’tseemsobigandbadtome.”Isitonthebenchattheendofmybed.Sittingonabedwithhimintheroomfeelslikeopeningthedoortoaverybadidea.
“Tellmehowyoufeelifyou’reeverinaroomalonewithhim.Youmightchangeyourmind.”
Heclosesthedoorbehindhimandfacesme.
Ifit’sevenhalfasscaryasbeinginaroomalonewithhisson,thennothankyou.Everynerveinmybodyisonhighalert.
Ithoughtthismansionwouldbemorethanbigenoughforthetwoofus.Now,I’mnotsurethereissuchathing.Thisplanetmightnotbebigenough.
“Heseemedlikeanasshole.”
Ivanlaughshumorlessly.“That’sbecauseheis.Adangerousasshole,though.Oneyoushouldavoidwhenyoucan.”
“Areyouworriedhedoesn’tapproveofyourfiancée?IguesshewashopingforaFortune500heiressortheprincessinlineforsomeforeignthrone.SorryI’m‘justawaitress.’”
“Idon’tgiveafuckabouthisapproval.It’smytimenow.Hisreignisover.”
IshudderatthethoughtofKingIvanonthethrone.Crownonhishead,allhail,allpeasantsbowbeforehim.
He’sanightmarenow.Whatwillhebelikewhenthecoronationcomes?
“Well,Iguessitdoesn’tmatterwhathethinksofmemuchanyway.”Ishrug
“Whatmakesyouthinkthat?”
“I’llbegoneinafewdays.”Ivanstaresatme.Isquirmunderhisgaze.“What?”
“Thisisn’tgoingtoberesolvedin‘afewdays,’Cora.”
“But…”Ilickmylipsandtwisttowardshim.“ButIhavetogetbacktoworksoon.Ihavealife.”
“Alifeyouwon’thaveifyoustrollbackintothatrestaurantlikeyouweren’tshotatthismorning.”Hegesturestotheroom.“You’resafehere.”
MyvoiceshakesasIrespond.“IknowI’msafehere.AndIappreciatethat,Ireallydo.You’vegoneaboveandbeyondtomakemecomfortable.Thatdoesn’tmeanIwanttolivehere.Ican’tjustquitmyjob.”
“Yes,youcan.Therestaurantisblowntobitsanyway.They’llcloseforrepairs.”
“Okay,butthat—Thatdoesn’tmean—Istillneed—”Thehalf-formedsentencesstickinmythroat.Icanfeelpressurebuildinginme.Mygriponcontrolslipsasthewell-decoratedwallsofmycageclosein.“Youcan’tlockmeupinhere.”
Ivangoesdeathlystillandhisvoicedropsanoctaveintoaraspyrumble.“NeedIremindyouthatyouagreedtoourdeal?”
“Tosavemyfriends,”Ipointout.“Itwasunderduress.Youthreatenedme.”
Hisambereyesturnmolten.“Ifyou’rewaitingformetoapologizeforrefusingtoletyougobacktoyourapartmentandgetyourselfkilled,don’tholdyourbreath.”
Hestalkscloser.Iresisttheurgetoshrinkaway.
Iranbefore.Iranawayfrommystepfather,fromthelifehethoughthecouldchainmeinto—andyethereIam,backinthelion’sden.
Clearly,runningisn’tanoption.
IfIwantfreedom,Ihavetofight.
He’scloseenoughforhisbreathtowhisperovermyheatedface.“I’vedoneyounothingbutfavors,Cora.Sincethemomentwemet.Icouldhaveleftyounakedandaloneinmyoffice,”hegrowls.“IcouldhaveletfuckingStefanosGenakoshavehiswaywithyou.Hewouldhave,too.Nooneelseatthatpartywouldhavedoneathingtostopit.”
“Ifthat’showyoufeel,thenGodhelpyourrealwifesomeday.Howwillshebeusefultoyou?”
Hearchesadarkbrow.“Careful,Cora—orImaystarttothinkyou’rejealous.”
Ilaughabittoosuddenlyforittosoundreal.“WhyonearthwouldIbejealous?”
Hewalksaroundme,forcingmetospinlikeatoptokeephiminmylineofsight.“Maybemyfatherwasn’tsofaroff.Maybe,whenallissaidanddone,you’llbesadtoleavethecomfortsI’veprovided.”
Igasp.“I’mnotsomegold-digger!IworkformyownmoneyandImakemyownwayinlife.Idon’tneedahusband.Idon’tneedyouoranyoneelsetakingcareofme.”
Hisheadtiltstooneside,assessingme.“Good.BecauseIwon’tbeyourhusband.Thisdealisn’tthetwoofusplayingHouse.I’mgoingtoputupwithyouaslongasIhavetountilIfigureoutwhoiscomingaftermyfamily.Thenyou’llbegoneandwe’llbothbefree.”
“Iwon’tstayhereifyouthinkyougettocontrolmyentirelife.I’mnotyourlittlewhore.”
He’sinfrontofmebeforeIevenrealizedhemoved.Hischestispressedtomine,andhe’slookingdownhisnoseatme,ragerollingoffofhiminhot,violentwaves.“Youagreedtothejobandyou’lldoit.You’lldoitifIhavetodragyoubackherescreamingeveryday.You’lldoitifIhavetocuffyoutomysideeverysecondofeveryhour.You’lldoitifithurts,ifitfeelsgood,ifyouloveit,ifyouhateit—Idon’tgiveadamn,Cora.Nomatterwhathappens,youaregoingtodoasIsay.”
Myhandstrembleatmyside.Iclenchthemintofistssohedoesn’tseethemshaking.
“Iamyourboss,yourjudge,jury,andexecutioner,”hesnarls.“Iamthesunaroundwhichyourworldrevolves.Doyouunderstand?”
Attheparty,IcaughtglimpsesofamanIrecognized.Someonewhowasforcedtoplayaroleagainsthiswill.Someonewhohadtobowtothewhimsandwishesofhisfamilyandforfeithisowndesires.
Thatmanisgone.Ormaybeheneverexisted.
Maybe,likeme,Ivanwaswearingamaskthenightwemet.AndmaybethemonsterbeneathisworsethananythingIcould’veimagined.
ButifhethinksthatmeansI’llsubmittohim,he’sveryfuckingwrong.
“Whatareyougoingtodo?”Ispit.“Killme?”
Withoutevenasecondofhesitation,Ivanleansin.Ifeelhishotbreathonmyface.“Itwouldn’tbethefirsttime.”
BeforeIcanfindthewords,hestormsoutofmyroomandslamsthedoorclosed.31IVAN
Breathe.Ineedtobreathe.
OrelseI’mgoingtofuckingexplode.
Mychestistight.Ragecrawlsupmythroatandtensesacrossmyshoulders.Worstofall,mycockisachingly,infuriatinglyhard.
“Fuck.”
CoraSt.Clairisanuisance.Herarguinggetsinthewayofmedoingwhatneedstobedonetosaveherdamnedlife.
ItalsomakesmewantherfarmorethanIoughtto.
Shewasright—thewomenwhousuallywantmedon’thaveathoughtintheirprettyheads.Theyarelifelessdollswhohavebeenbornandbredtoobey.Theydon’tcauseasceneorstiruptrouble.Theonlydreamtheyhaveforthemselvesistomarryrichandliveeasy.
ButCoraisfireandsass.Shefightsback.Iwanttostoketheheatinsideofher,notdousetheflames.
Unfortunately,Idon’thaveachoice.BecauseIdon’tneedaqueen.
Ineedapawn.
“Thatwentreallywell,”Ihearfrombehindme.IturnandseeYashacomingupthebackstairwell.“Youtwoarethepictureofweddedbliss.Thedefinitionofholymatrimony.”
Ifrown.“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”Iwould’venoticedifhewasanywherewithinlisteningrange.
Hehitchesathumbtowardsherdoor.“Quitethespatyoutwojusthad.Youhadtopulloutthegravellypakhanvoiceonher.Verynicelydone,bytheway.”
Ifrownathim,aquestioninmyeyes.Finally,hetapshisear.“Ididwhatyouaskedandhadamicplacedinherroom.IwasinthecontrolroomlisteningtoherconversationwithFranciawhenyouknocked.”
“Ididn’taskforyoutoputfuckingspywareinherbedroom.Wehavesecuritycamerasandherphoneistapped.Themicinherroomisredundant.Iwantitremoved.”
Yashanodswithouthesitation.“I’llhavethemdisabledimmediately.”Hestrokeshischin.“Whatwillwedoforentertainment,though?ThetwoofyouwerelikearealityTVshow.Verytensestuff.”
Iswipeoutathimbeforeheseesmecoming.Heyelpsasmyfistthwacksintohisshoulder.“She’snothereforyourentertainment.She’sheretodoajob.”
“Oneshe’dclearlyratherbeexecutedthando.”Hestraightens,keepinghisarmsinfrontofhimasashield.“Whoknewbeingmarriedtoyouwassuchachore?”
Iglareathim.“It’sjustbecauseshedoesn’tunderstandthethreatshe’sunder.Ifsheknewhowdangerousitcouldbe,she’dbehappytobehere.”
Atleast,that’swhatItellmyself.BecauseIrefusetothinkforevenasecondthatI’mactuallyimprisoningher.
That’smyfather’sprerogative,notmine.Idon’twantanunwillingbride,nomatterhowtemporary.Whichremindsme…
“Iwantheronthepayroll,”Iorder.
Yashastaresback.“HaveyoutalkedtoDonPushkinaboutthis?”
Ihearmyfather’svoiceechoinginthedarkrecessesofmymind.YouloveputtingwomenonmypayrollwhodoabsolutelynothingtobenefittheBratva.
“No.”
Hewon’tlikeit,butIdon’tcare.I’mnotgoingtogiveCoraanyroomtomakeherselfoutasaprisonerhere.NotwhenI’msavingherlife.
Yasharunsahandoverthebackofhisneck.“Well,ifyouwantmyopinion—”
“Idon’t.”
IntypicalYashafashion,hecarriesonanyway.“Coraisindependent,butshealsowantstofeelneeded.Shewon’tdowellifshefeelslikesomeporcelaindollontheshelf.Youshouldgivehersometasksandresponsibilities,thingsshe’llexcelat.Letherprovetoherselfandtoyouthatshecanbeuseful.Itwillhelphertotakeownershipofherrolehere.”
Idrawback,blinkingatmysecond.“WhydoyouthinkyouknowmoreaboutmyfiancéethanIdo?”
“She’syourfakefiancée.Gettingtoknowherwillhelpsellthestory,right?”Yashatiptoesaroundme.“Themorecomfortablesheisaroundyouandme,thebettertheoptics.”
IwantCoratobecomfortablehere.
Withme.
Iwanthertofindaplacehere.
Withme.
It’sjustbecauseshe’smy“wife,”though.Ifeelpossessiveofherbecauseit’spartoftheact.That’sallthisis.
Yashaleansin,eyeswary.“Arewecool?”
Irunmytongueovermyteeth.“We’recool.”
“Okay,”hesighs.“Great.Forasecond,Ithought—”
“Solongasyoudowhatyou’reaskedandleavemattersinvolvingmywifetome,thenwe’refuckingdandy.”
BeforeYashacancomeupwithsomesmartassthingtosaythatI’llhavetokillhimfor,Iturnintomyroomandclosethedoorinhisface.32CORA
I’mnotsurewhatI’mhopingforasIpressthephonetomyear.
Comfort,maybe.Normalcy.Somesignthattheworldbeyondthisestateisstillspinning.Becauserightnow,myuniversehasstopped.
“Iamyourboss,judge,jury,andexecutioner.Iamthesunaroundwhichyourworldrevolves.Doyouunderstand?”
There’snomistakingitforwhatitwas:athreat.Butathreatshouldn’tmakemythighsquiver.Itshouldn’tforcemetopressmylegstogetherandfightoffmemoriesofwhenthatpowerwasthrustingintome.
Isqueezethephonetighterwitheveryring.
“Pleasepickup,”Ibeg.“Pleasepickup.”
I’mdesperateforanyconnectiontosocietyoutsideofthismess.Sodesperatemystandardshavehitrockbottomandkeptgoingsouth.
Aftertoomanyrings,thevoicemailpicksup.
“ThisisShondra,Mr.St.Clair’sassistant.Heisoutoftheofficethisweek,butI’llbemonitoringhismessages.Ifit’surgent,pleaseleaveyournameandnumber.Mr.St.Clairwillgetbacktoyouassoonashecan.Thankyou.”
DoesbeingheldagainstmywillbyamanwhomayormaynotbeacriminalsoIdon’tgetkilledbyanunknownassassinqualifyas“urgent”?
Ihangupbeforethebeep.Ihaven’tspokentomyfatherinyears.I’mnotgoingtoletthefirsttimebeavoicemail.AvoicemailthatwillprobablybetranscribedbyShondra.
Insomeways,thisisasignthattheworldisstillturning:myfatherremainsadisappointment.
JordenandFranciaareinenoughdangerasitis.There’ssomuchIcan’ttellthem,buttheyhavesomanyquestions.Rightfullyso.Idon’tevenblamethem.
Ijustcan’tanswerthem,either.
Witheveryblink,IseeIvan’sscowlingfaceinmymind’seye.IhearthehissofhisvoiceashetellsmeI’mnoone.AsheremindsmethatI’llbekickedtothecurbthemomenthe’sdonewithme.
Iknowthisisn’tlikethelasttime.Thisisn’tlikeMikhail—mystepfather’sbigplanforhowmyfuturewouldend.
Still,theresemblancebetweennowandthenisuncanny.SouncannyI’mhavingahardtimenotthrowingmyselffromthewindowasameansofescape.Runningisaninstinct,andI’vehonedminetoprecisionovertheyears.Sittingstillistorture.
Ithrowmyphoneonthebedandpacetothrowopenthewindow.PartiallyforthefreshairandpartiallytoremindmyselfthatI’mtwenty-fivefeetoffthegroundandI’dbreakmyneckifIjumped.
“HowdidIgethereagain?”Imuttertonobodyinparticular.
I’veneverspentmuchtimethinkingaboutdestiny,butnowthatI’mtrappedinyetanotherlovelessengagement—realornot—Ihavetowonderwhetherthisisn’tjustmyfate.Toendupforciblymarriedtosomeonewhocouldn’tcarelessaboutme.
There’sabangontheothersideofthewall.IturntowardswhatIknowisIvan’sroom.
He’ssoclose.Icouldcallouttohimandhe’dbehereinasecond.Icouldtalktohimandsay…
Well,Idon’tknowwhat.I’mnotsureifIwanttoscreamathimorapologize.It’snotthatIthinkIwaswrong,butIwantthissituationtobetolerable,ifnothingelse.Forbothofus.
Ipresstheheelsofmyhandsintomyeyesandgritmyteeth.“That’sgivingup.It’sgivinghimwhathewants.”
Butmaybeit’swhatIwant,too.Ivan’sdadwasn’tentirelywrong,afterall.Withsomeconcessions,Icouldmakethisarrangementworkforme.Amansion,around-the-clockprotection,andgourmetmealswheneverIwant?Ifthat’sprison,thenIknowalotofpeoplewhowouldlovetosignup.
MyconversationwithJordenfromwhatfeelslikealifetimeagoresurfaces.
Sorry,babe.ButI’vebeenworkingaslongasIcanremember.Wellbeforeitwaslegal.Ifamanwithfatpocketswantstotakemeawayfromallofthisgumscraping,thenI’lllethim.
Youwanttobedependentonaman?
IfitmeansIcanfinallybreathe,thenyeah.
Igetthat.Ireallydo.Buttherehastobemoretolifethanjusttheabsenceofstruggle.Therehastobehopeforsomethingbeyondnot-terrible-all-the-time.
AndIjustneedtoknowI’mnotalonehere.
Idon’tneedIvantoloveme;I’mnotthatdelusional.I’mawarethatthisisn’tarealmarriage.Itisn’tevenarealrelationship.Butstill,IneedtoknowI’mmorethanjusttheburdenthatcruelfateorterribleluckstuckhimwith.
Again,Iseethesimmeringrageinhisgaze,thecurlofhissneeringlipasheglareddownatme.
MaybeaburdenisexactlywhatIam.
BeforeIcanthinkaboutwhatI’mdoing,Igrabmyphoneoffthebedandtapinafamiliarnumber.UnlikeDad,Momanswersonthesecondring.
“ThisisEvaline.”
Icouldhangup.I’mcallingfromanewphone.She’llneverknowwhoitwas.She’llprobablyjustassumeitwasaspamcallorawrongnumber.
ButhervoiceisalifelinefloatinginthewaterandI’mslippingbelowthesurface.Onsheerdumbinstinct,Ilungeforit.
“Hi,Mom.”
Sheinhalessharply.“Cordelia?Isthatyou?Areyoualright?”
Isigh.It’sthefirsttimeI’vecalledhersinceIleft.Ishouldhaveexpectedshe’dsuspectsomethingiswrong.
Tobefair,somethingiswrong.
“I’mfine,”Itellher.“Ijustwantedtoseehowyou’redoing.Checkifyou’reokay.”
It’smorethanshe’sdoneforme.Atonetimeinmylife,shewasmyeverything.Itwasthetwoofusagainsttheworld.
“Youandme,meandyou,”sheusedtowhisperoverwhateverdinnerwemanagedtoscrabbletogether.
Ibelievedherwholeheartedly.Shewasmymom.Whywouldn’tI?
ThensomeonebettercamealongandIbecameanafterthought.
“Whoisit?”amuffledvoiceinthebackgroundasks.
It’sthesamevoiceIoverheardatIvan’sparty.Thesamecruelvoicethatstillplaysinmynightmaresfromtimetotime.AlexanderMcAllister.
Mystepfather.
“Don’ttellhim,”Ibegherinadesperatewhisper.“Lie.”
“Evaline,whoisit?”heasksagain.
Icanhearherhesitation.She’sprobablychewingherlowerlipandglancingoverhershoulderathim.Igetmyinabilitytoliefrommymother.Myfatherwasalwaysremarkablygoodatit.Youdon’tstartasecretsecondfamilywithoutafewgnarlyliesupyoursleeve.
“Mom,”Irasp.
Still,shesaysnothing.Butwiththat,shehassaidmorethanenough.
Ihangupthephoneandblinkbackthetearsburninginmyeyes.
Mymotherchosemystepfatherovermeyearsago.Whenwemovedintohismansionandshelethimauctionmeofftothehighestbidder,toMikhail—thatwasherchoosinghim.Idon’tknowwhyIexpectedanythingdifferenttoday.
Myownparentsdon’tloveme.WhydoIthinkanyoneelseshould?MaybealovelessmarriagebuiltonmutualconvenienceisthebestIcanhopefor.IfIwassmart,I’dgetonmykneesandbegIvantomakethisofficial.
HeatleastseemstodespisethisworldofmasksandfalsefacadesasmuchasIdo.Itmightbethattheonlythingthatexistsbetweenalifetimespentaloneandalovelessmarriageisabusinessarrangement.
Iguessthedevilnextdoorknowshe’sgoingtogetwhathewants.33CORA
IawakefromdreamsIdon’trememberwithasticky,pulsingachebetweenmylegs.
IvanPushkinisahardmantoescape.
Eveninmysubconscious.
Islideoutofthesheetsandpullthecomforterovertheevidenceofmyshame.Nilesisprobablyfartoodecenttosayanything,butIknowhe’llnoticethatthebeddingsmellslikesweatandGodonlyknowswhatelse.
Shower.That’swhatIcancontrolrightnow.Ineedashower.
IpadintothebathroomandmyplanschangeimmediatelywhenIrememberthetubmyensuiteisoutfittedwith.It’sbigenoughfortwopeople.EvenmeandsomeoneasbigasIv—nope.No.No.No.Iwon’tlethimruinthisforme.
WhileIdon’tappreciatebeingtrappedhere—correction:whileconsciousmedoesn’tappreciatebeingtrappedhere,althoughDreamMeseemstodisagree—Ihavenointentionofturningmynoseupattheamenities.Ispenttoomanymonthslivingonthestreetwithoutsomuchasatoilet.Iknowthejoyofahotbath.
Steamswirlsfromthefaucetasthetubfillswithscaldingwater.Allthebettertoburnawaytheremnantsoflastnightandthelastfewdays.
IvownottothinkaboutwhereIvan’shandsgrippedmetwonightsagoatthepartyasIslipoutofmyborrowedclothesandkickthemintothecornerofthebathroom.
I’msofocusedonnotthinkingabouthimthatI’malsonotthinkingabouttheunlockeddoorthatconnectsourrooms.I’mcertainlynotthinkingaboutthefactthatthebathroomdooriswideopen.
SowhenIhearalatchclickandrelease,IspinaroundjustasIvanwalksthroughthatdoorandlooksthroughthebathroomdoorway.
Atme.
Atallofme.
Heslideshisgazedownandbackup,thenonemoretimeforgoodmeasure.“I’mhavingdéjàvu,”herumblesatlast.Hisvoiceisraspyandlow.
Ishouldfindsomethingtocovermyselfwith.Slammingthebathroomdoorclosedwouldalsobeanormalresponsetoamanstandinginfrontofyouwhileyou’renaked.
ButIvanisn’tjuststandinginfrontofme.
He’sstandinginfrontofmeshirtless
IfIthoughthisbarearmswereatemptation,thefullexpanseofhischestisafull-onseduction.Thetattoosthatswirlacrosshisbicepsandcreepoutofthecollarofhisshirtsalsodelvedown,down,down.
I’msecondsawayfromactuallywalkingtowardshimtotryandstepthroughit,whenheclearshisthroat.
“Seesomethingyoulike,moyazhena?”
Hisdeepvelvetvoicesnapsmeoutofmythoughts.Ijerkbackanddoapitifuljoboftryingtocoverupmymoredelicatebits.
“Icouldaskyouthesamequestion.You’retheonewhokeepsbarginginonmewhileI’mnaked.”
Hiseyestraildownmybodyagain,drippingovermyskinlikehoney.“ImadeitabundantlyclearthenightwemetthatIlikedwhatIsawjustfine.Asdidyou.”
Myfaceflushes.IcrossmyarmsovermychesttohidetheevidenceofexactlyhowmuchIlikewhatIsee.“Whatdoyouwant,Ivan?”
Deliciousamusementcurlsinthecornerofhismouth.“IthinkI’vemadethatabundantlyclear,too.”
“Doyouhavesomethingtotellme?”
“Youneedtogetready.”
“That’swhatIwasdoingbeforeyoubargedinhere.Withoutknocking,mightIadd.”
“Whatwereyougettingreadyfor,lookinglikethat?”Hedropshischin,hisambereyeslookingupatmethroughlashesfartooprettyforamansobrutal.“Ihadmyownplansforhowtolegitimizeourmarriage.Butifyouwanttogetaheadstartontheconsummation…well,youradoringhusbandwouldneverdenyyousomethinglikethat.”
Hiswordsoozesarcasm,butIburnupwiththemanyway.Mybodyisonfirefromtheinsideout,andI’msurehecanseeitwrittenintheblushcoloringeveryinchofmyskin.
“YouandIhaveverydifferentpriorities.”
Henodsinagreement.“Mypriorityistokeepyoualive;yoursistomakeyourownlifeasdifficultaspossible.”
Heisn’twrong.Icouldhavestayedhomethenightoftheparty.
IcouldhaveleftafterIvanofferedmehisjacket.
IcouldhavetoldhimwhoIreallywasandnotbeggedhimtofuckmeuntilIscream.
Againandagain,mychoicesmakemylifemorecomplicated.
ButIvanisn’thelping,either.
“Youcan’tjustwalkintomyroom.Wemaybepretendingtobeacouple,butwearen’t.I’maguestinyourhouse,accordingtoyou.”
Hestrollscloserandleansagainstthebathroomdoor.“Isayifwe’replayingthepart,wemightaswellgettheperks.”
Igaspindisgustandsnatchatowelfromthecabinetbehindme.Iwrapitaroundmyselfandmy“perks.”
“Isayweneedgroundrules,”Ifireback.
“Okay,groundrule:youdoasIsay,andIkeepyouandyourfriendsalive.”
Iclenchmyteeth.“That’sthedealwemade,butweneedtosetexpectationsforhowwetreateachother.IfIhavetostayhere—”
“Whichyoudo.”
IbristlebutIdon’tlethimthrowmeoff-course.“IfIhavetostayhere,thenIneedtoknowwhattoexpect.”
Ineedtobeabletoprepare,onsomelevel,forencounterswithhim.Ineedtoknowwhat’sexpectedofmewhenwe’reinpublic—and,moreimportantly,what’sexpectedinprivate.
Livinginthisgrayspaceofdesireanddisdainisnotanoption.I’llburntoashes.
Ivancontinuestostare,waiting.
Iblowoutabreath.“First,Iwantprivacyinmyroom.Youcan’tcomeinherewheneveryouwant.”
“Ourroomsareconnected.”
“Thenunconnectthem,”Isnapback.“Youcontroleverythingandeveryone,right?Lockthedoor.”
Hisjawshiftsbackandforth.“Noneedforalock.Icancontrolmyselfifyoucan.”
WhatifIcan’t?Istiffenmyspineandnod.“Ican,too.”
Headjustshisarms.Themusclesflexandshiftbeneathhissmoothskin.Ichewonmylipasalightnessfillsmychest.Connecteddoororno…Idon’tstandachance.
Ivanarchesabrow.“Isthatall,ordoyouhavemore—”
“Nosex,”Iblurt.
Hismouthsnapsshut,hisambereyesnarrowing.“Ithoughtyoucouldcontrolyourself?”
“Thisisabusinessarrangement,right?That’swhatyoucalledit.”
“I’mawareofwhatIcalledit,”hegrowls.
“Okay.Sodoyouregularlyhavesexwithbusinessassociates?I’mguessingnot.SoI’lldowhatneedstobedonewhenwe’reinpublictosellthestory.Butbehindcloseddoors,nosex.”
“Fine,”hebarks.“Iagreetoyourtermssolongasyouholdupyourendofthebargain.Youhavetosellthestory,Cora.WhenIneedasmittenwifeatmyside,youneedtobethere.”
“Fine.”
“Thenbereadyinanhour,”hesays.
Itightenmytowelaroundmychest.“Wherearewegoing?”
Hehalf-turnsonhiswayoutanddrawls,“WhatkindofhusbandwouldIbeifIdidn’tgetmywifearing?”
Thenhestrollsoutofmyroomandintohis,hisbackripplingwithpoweranddefinitionalltheway.It’sonlywhenthedoorbetweenourroomssnapsclosedthatIblinkandbreakoutofthetrance.
IturnanddrainthetubIjustfilled.
Ineedacoldshowerinstead.34IVAN
Ilookacrossaseaofglitteringdiamondsandgoldandseemyfiancée.That’swhatIcalledherwhenmyfamily’slong-timepersonaljeweleraskedwhyIneededthelast-minuteappointment.Thefirstpersonbeyondthecircleofmyownfamilywhoknows.
“Iwantedtoletmyfiancéehand-selectherengagementring,”ItoldKieran.“Whatevershewants,it’shers.Noquestionsasked.”
Atthosewords,Kieranlookedlikehewantedtomarryme.He’sanincorrigiblegossip,too,soI’msurethatthesecondwe’regone,he’lltakeoutabillboardsayingthatthenewPushkinbrideiswearinghisjewelry.
WhichiswhyIchosehimasoneofourfirststops.
KieranimmediatelyturnedtoCora,pepperingherwithquestionsaboutsizeandpreferences.Shegavehimablankstareinreturn.Overwhelmedbyallofthis,nodoubt.
“I’llleaveyoutwotobrowseasIpreparesomecustommockupsI’vebeensavingforaspecialoccasion.”Hewinkedatmeanddisappearedintohisofficeintheback.
CoraandIhavebeenperusingthedisplaycaseseversince.We’recirclingeachotherintensesilence.Everytimeshetucksherdarkhairbehindherearandtwistsherfulllipsinconcentration,Igetrigid.
Ican’tseemtodecidewhatIhatemore:beingclosetoherornotbeingcloseenough.
God,thewayshelookedstandinginthatbathroom…
Myofficehadbeendarkthenightwe’dmet.Shekeptmysuitjacketon,keptthecurvesandedgesofherconcealedunderwool.
Thismorningoutsideofthetub,shewasilluminatedfromeverypossibleangle.Isawthesoftswellofherbreastsandthecurveofherhip.I’llneverscrubtheimagefrommymind.NotthatI’dwantto.Especiallyafterthewayshelookedbackatme,hergreeneyesgoingdarkwithdesireastheytrailedovermytattoos.
We’realikeinthatway:IalsolovetheallureofsomethingI’mnotsupposedtohave.
“Thisone,”Corasayssuddenly.
Isnapmyattentionup.She’spointingtoacaseatthefrontofthestore.
“Notgoodenough.Picksomethingfurtherback.”
Sheglaresatmeovertheglass.“Youhaven’tevenseenit.”
“Idon’tneedto.It’sdirectlyinfrontofthedoors.I’mnotgoingtoletyouwalkaroundwithacheapringonyourfinger.You’remine.Actlikeit.”
Shemutterssomethingthatsoundsanawfullotlike“snob,”butshewalksdeeperintothestore—whichbringsherclosertome.
AsshepassesbythedisplaycaseI’mstandingnextto,shepointsintoit.“Thatoneisnice.”
Ifollowherfingerandthenscowl.“That’saplainband.”
“Anexpensiveplainband,”shepointsout.
Icheckthefour-digitpricetagandsnort.“Hardly.”
“Idon’tcareaboutjewelry.Ineverwearit.WhenIdo,Idon’twantitgettingintheway.I’dratherhavesomethingsimple.”
NilesdidagoodjobwithCora’swardrobe.She’swearingapairofhigh-waistedtweedtrouserswithasilkcamituckedin.Shelookssleekandclassy.Shelookslikeshebelongshere.
Thetrouble,itseems,willbeteachinghertoactlikeshebelongshere.
Kieranchucklesashewalksbackintotheshowroom.“Inallmyyearsasajeweler,I’veonlyheardoneotherwomansaysomethinglikethat.Itwasacoupleyearsagoand—”
HiseyescatchonCoraandwiden.
Shesnapsherheadbackdown,herhairfallingbetweenthemlikeashield.
“Andanyway,”Kieranpivots,tryingandfailingtomakeaseamlesstransition,“Ihavethemockupsifyou’dliketoseethem.”
Coramumblesa“yes”andwemeetatthebackdisplaycase.Kieranspreadsdigitalrenderingsacrosstheglasssurface,neveroncemeetingCora’seyes.
Idon’tmissthesparkofrecognition.
Theyknoweachother.
She’sbeenherebefore.
YashatoldmeCora’smotherandstepfatherarerich.Shetoldmeherselfthathewasatmypartytheothernight.I’msureshe’sbeenherewithhermother,maybegettingapiececleanedorhavingsomethingresized.
Andyet…someprimalpartofmechafesagainstthesuggestionthatshemight’vecomeherewithanotherman.Thebeastinmychestgrowls.
“Ihaveanarrayofoptions,”Kieranbegins.“Ifyou’relookingforsomethingonthesimpleendofthespectrum,wehavesolitaireengagementrings.ThoughIwouldhighlyrecommendanaccompanyingbandaftertheceremony.Icankeepitunderstated,butabeautifulwomansuchasyourselfshouldhaveabeautifulringtomatch.”
Therewillbenoceremony.ThismayverywellbetheonlyringIeverbuyCora.Iwantittocount.
“Thatsoundsnice,”shestarts.
ButIswipetherenderingsofthesolitairesettingsintoapile.“Iwantsomethingbigger.”
Coraleansinclose.“WhataboutwhatIwant?”
Iturnandgripherchingently.“Iwanteveryonewithinaten-mileradiustoknowyouaremine.Isn’tthatwhatyouwant,too?”
Ifshewantstokeepherpartofthebargain,thereisonlyoneanswershecangiveme.
Herthroatbobs.“Yes.”
Ibrushmythumboverherlowerlipandreleaseher.“Goodgirl.”ThenItapthepileofpapers.“Picksomethingelse.”
KieranandCoratakeovertheconversation,discussingthousandsofdifferentoptionsandcustomizations.Therearenoadditionalsignsthatthey’vehadthissameconversationbeforewithanothermanstandingatCora’sside.ButthefeelingthatI’mfillinganotherman’sabsenceweighsheavily.
Itshouldn’tmatter.Itdoesn’t.CoraandIarenotinarelationship.Thisisabusinessarrangement.Wehavegroundrulesandwell-outlinedrolesandexpectations.
ButIcan’tstopimaginingherwearingthisring.Onlythisring.Onherkneesbeforemewithherhandwrappedaroundmy—
“Thatone,”Corasaysdefinitively.“Iwantthatone.”
Therenderingisofasimplediamondsettinginthecenterwithacrownofdiamondsaroundit,openingasifthey’repetalsofaflowerinbloom.Thebandismadeofdelicatelymoldedgoldleaves.
Kieranbeams,tellingmeallIneedtoknowaboutthepriceofit.“Impeccablechoice.Anycustomizations?”
“No,Ilikeitjusttheway—”
“Iwantthecenterdiamondtwiceasbig,”Isay.
KieranandCorabothturntome,oneofthemlookingfarmoredelightedthantheother.
“Thatcanbearranged,”Kieranassuresmegreedily.“I’llneedtomakesomeadjustmentstothesurroundingstones,butit’snothingIcan’thandle.Theextrasizewillincreasetheprice,ofcourse.”
“Idon’tgiveafuck.”
Isignwherehetellsmetodo,thenputmyhandonthesmallofCora’sbackandescortherouttothewaitingvehicle.
Isilentlyholdthecardooropenforher.Idon’tsayanythinguntilIturnawayfromthedirectionoftheestate.Whensherealizeswe’reheadedadifferentway,shesitsup.“Wherearewegoing?”
Ibitebackasmirk.“We’vegotonemorestoptomake.You’regoingtolovethisone,Ipromise.”35IVAN
Fromtheoutside,theshoplookslikeanyotherboutiqueonthestreet.“LePlaisir?”Corafrownsatthegildedlettersabovethedoor.“We’reshopping?IthoughtNilesboughtmeeverythingI’dneed.”
ThethoughtofNileswalkingintothisshopisenoughtotearalaughfromme.“TherearesomethingsthatIprefertohandlemyself.”
Iopenthedoorandusherherinside.Thebellabovethedoorchimesourarrival,butCoradoesn’tmakeitmorethantwostepsinbeforesheslamstoastop
Alongtablerunsdownthecenterofthesmallspace.Mannequinsinbarely-therelingerieperchontopofit.Underneaththem,inlitshelvesthatringtheshop,arecountlesssextoys.Everyshape,length,kink,color,andvoltageimaginable.
Iclosethedoorbehindme.Corashrinksbackintome,itchingforescape.“Wemaderules,Ivan.Wecan’t—”
“IsaidI’dkeepmyhandstomyself.Butifyou’regoingtodemandcelibacy,you’llneedsomethingtotaketheedgeoff.”
Theideacametomefullyformed.Ididn’tquestionit.PartiallybecauseIwanttoprovetohernowthatthereisnocheckmatewithme.Ialwayswin.Always.
Butadeeper,darkerpartofmewantstoseewhatCorawilldoinaluxurysexshop.Thepartofmethathasalwayscravedabittoomuchtroublewantstoknowwhatshe’llbedrawnto,whatshelikes.
Iknowhowshelooksandsoundswhenshecomesonmycock.
Whataboutwhenshe’stiedspread-eagleonabedwhileIteaseherwithwhipsandvibrationsandsoftkissesbetweenherthighs?
Herfacequivers.She’stoostubborntoshowmewhatshe’sreallythinking,butIcanguessatthetensionsripplinginsideofherrightnow.
Theyprobablylookalotlikemyown.
Finally,sheturnsawayfromme,lookingoutoverthestore.“What’smybudget?”
Irunmythumbsalongthesuddenlytensecolumnofherneck.“Doyourworst.”
Coraleansbackintomytouch,rockingagainstthepressureofmyfingertipsintohermuscles.Then,asifrememberingwhoIam,shejerksawayandheadsforthenearestdisplay.
Ared-headedwomaninadangerouslylow-cuttopappearsfromtheback.SheglancesatCoraandthenturnsherattentiontome,awickedsmileonherlips.“Hello.IsthereanythingIcanhelpyouwith?”
“We’rejustlooking,”Coracallsoverhershoulder.She’shuddledovertheshelveslikeshe’sworriedthewomanmightseewhatshe’sbuying.
“Ofcourse.Takeyourtime.”Thewomantakesastepclosertome.“Ifyouseeanythingyoulike,besuretoletmeknow.I’dlovetopersonallyassistyou.MynameisMadison.”
Theflickofhertongueoverherred-paintedmouthishardtomisconstrue.
Sheretreatstowardtheback.Corawatchesherleavewithascowlonherface.
“Seeanythingyoulike?”Iask.“Theassociatewouldlovetopersonallyassistyou.”
“Madisonwouldlovetopersonallyassistyou.”Shesnorts.Corathinksforamoment,thenshewavesdownthesaleswoman.“Excuseme,miss?We’regoingtoneedabasketoverhere.Maybetwo.Ihavequitetheshoppinglisttogetthrough.”
Mywife-to-begivesmeawickedgrinthathasapowerfuleffectoneverythingbelowmybelt.
Corawillneverbeabletoone-upme.
Butfuck,thewomanfightsdirty.
Dildos,vibrators,clitoralstimulators—younameit,Coragrabsit.IfIhopedtonarrowdownherinterestsinthebedroom,I’moutofluck.Coraunceremoniouslydumpsherhaulintothebasketwithoutawordandthengoesbackformore.
“Areyouinterestedinanylingerietoday?”Madisonpointstoalacyblacksetonamannequininthebackcorner.ShespeaksinCora’sdirection,butkeepshereyesonme.“IhavethissetformyselfandIcan’trecommendithighlyenough.I’vetesteditthoroughlyandithasstooduptowhateverI’veputitthrough.”
IgesturetoCora.“Whatevershewants,shecanhave.”
“Howgenerousofyou,”thewomanpurrs.“Notallmenaresounderstandingofawoman’sneeds.”
IglanceoverandcatchCorastaringdaggersattheredhead.Thenshesnatchesupthreelingeriesetsandpracticallyhurlsthematthesaleswoman.“Doyouhaveadressingroom?”
“Sorry,wedon’t.We’vehadtoomanyincidents.”Shewinksatusboth.“Somepeoplecan’twaittogethome.Theyfindtheallureofsomethingnewalittletooexciting.”
Cora’sjawpracticallygrindsherteethtodust,hertonguerunningoverherteethwhenshe’sabletorelaxenough.She’snotmissinganyofMadison’sclumsilyobvioushints.“HowamIsupposedtoknowifthesefitmethen?”
Madisonwavestowardsthebackofthestore.“There’samirrorinthebacktoholdthingsuptoyourself,butwehaveagenerousreturnpolicy.Sometimes…”Shelookstome,eyebrowarching.“Sometimes,thingsdon’tworkoutandyouneedtoexchangeforsomethingnew.Weunderstandthatandwearehappytoaccommodateourcustomer’sneeds.Nomatterwhattheymightbe.”
“Thanks,”Corabitesout.Shestompsofftothebackofthestore.
Madisonstepsclosertosaysomethingtome,butIbreezepastherwithoutawordandfollowCora.
Thebackroomisaloungewithaleathersofaandatallmirrorinthecorner.IcanseethereflectionofCoraleaningagainstthecorner,hereyesclosed.Herfulllipsarepursedinanexhale.
“You’renottakingthisseriously.”
Shestiffensatthesoundofmyvoice.Oneeyeopensnarrowly.“I’mnottakingthisseriously?You’renotexactlyleapingtohelp.OrareyoutoodistractedbyMissObviousoverthere?ShallIgiveyoutwosomeprivacy?”
“Thereitisagain,”Iremark.
“Therewhatisagain?”
“Jealousy.It’saninterestinglookonyou.Notasgoodas”—Iglanceatthepileinherarms—“sheerpinklingerie,butstillinteresting.”
Icanseeherteeteringontheedgeofanexplosion.Thewisevoiceinmesaystodefusethesituation.Whatgoodcancomeofstokingherfire?
Butthevoiceinmethatsaid,“Followherintotheoffice”,thevoicethatstartedallthisshit,nowsays,“Lightthematchandwatchitallburn.”
Doit,I’mdaringhersilently.Flashthatfire.Stakeyourclaim.Beboldenoughtosayyouwantsomethingthat’srightthereforthetaking.
WhatI’mreallyaskingmyfiancéeis,Whatareyoumadeoutof?
Ialreadyknowtheanswer.
Ijustneedhertoseeitforherself.
Shechewsonhercheekasshethinks.Finally,sheshakesherhead.“Thisisashamofamarriageanyway.WhyshouldIcareifsomewomanflirtswithyou?WhyshouldIcareifyoutakeherhomeanddressherupinlingerie,thentakeherrightbackoutofit?”
BecauseIwantyoutocare.
“Becauseyouwantyourfriendstobesafe,”Isayinstead.“Becauseyouwanttocatchthepersonwhotriedtokillyouyesterday.Thatwon’thappenifyoudon’tplayyourparttoperfection.Thismaybeashamtothetwoofus,butit’srealtoeveryoneelse.Wehavetomakethembelieveit.”
“Idon’tknowhow.”Shepressesahandtoherface.“Idon’tknowhowtodothis,Ivan.I’minsofarovermyhead.Twodaysago,Iwasawaitress.Now,I’m…I’m…”
Ican’tholdmyselfbackanymore.Seeingherhere,inthisplace,withthatconfusedflushinhercheeksmatchingtheflushonhercollarbone…
IwanthereverybitasbadlyasIdidthenightwemet.
Istridecloserandpinheragainstthewall.“Mine,”Ifinishforherinabreathygrowl.“You’refuckingmine.”
Herpupilseatawaythegreenofheririses.“What?Ican’t.We’renot—”
Ipressmylipstothecurveofherneckjustbelowherear.“It’sallpretend,Cora.Settlebackandenjoythecharade.”
SheshiverswhenIgripherhip.Iletmyfingersspreadoutacrosstheswellofherbody,claimingasmuchofherasIpossiblycan.Ihikeupherdressandshovethosepantiesroughlyaside,thenbrushmyfingerthroughherarousal.She’salreadyslickforme,dripping.
Iwanther—no,Ineedher—tostartembracingherpositionatmysideandthepoweritbrings.Thebestpositioniswhicheveroneallowsmetoburymydickinsidehersweetbody,butthere’sfarmoretoitshehasn’tevenbeguntotapinto.
“You’remine,”Iremindher,rubbingmythumboverherclit.ShesucksinanothertremblingbreathandIfeelhergrindagainstmyhand.Shetriestodoitsubtly,butthere’snotachanceinhellI’mmissingthewayshe’sdesperateformore.“Stopworryingaboutotherwomentryingtostealwhattheycan’thave.Showthemwhyit’syou.Showthemwhyyou’remine…andwhyI’myours.”
Whenhereyesmeetmine,glazedwithlustandneed,Iplungetwofingersdeepinsideher.
Shearchesherbackagainstthewall,pushingherintomeevenmore.Fuck,howcouldIevenbegintonoticeanotherwomanwhenshe’salreadysofuckingperfect?
IwhisperexactlythattoherasIstarttorubthatsweetspotinsideher.SheshuddersandclutchesmyarmsasInipherskinandcontinuetomurmurallthereasonswhysheshouldn’ttakebullshitfromanyone.Leastofallsomepathetic,thirstysexstoreclerk.
Ourbodiesarepressedtogether,myerectionhardagainstherthigh.Coradragsherlegagainstmeandmoansmynameinafrazzled,strangledrasp.“Ivan…”
Suddenly,avoicebreaksthroughthesexualhaze.“Howarethingsgoingbackhere?Doyoutwoneedany…”Madison’svoicetrailsoffassheenterstheroomandseesthetwoofus.
IhavenointentionofpullingmyfingersoutofCora’sslickheat,butshegripsmywristanyway.Herfingersarecold,buthergazeonthesaleswomanissuddenlyfiery.Whetherthewomanreturnsitornot,Ihavenoidea.I’mtoodistractedbyhowCora’sglarelooksevenbetterwithherflushedskin.
“We’refine,”shesayssweetly.“Thanks,anyway.”
Madisonclearsherthroat.“Youcan’tdothathere.Youhaveto—”
“Youhavetositdownandshutup.”Cora’svoiceislacedwithirritation,butit’stherumbleofherfurythatmakesmesofuckinghard.SheglaresatMadisonand,atthesametime,rollsherhipstofuckherselfonmyhand.“Andshowmesomefuckingrespectinsteadofeyeingmymanlikesomedick-hungryslut.He’smine.”
Holyfuck.Ifshe’snotcareful,Imightactuallyendupfuckingherhardrighthere,rightnow.
I’mhalfwayconvincedCorawouldn’tmindthatatall.
Thewomanbehindmepracticallychokesonhershock.“Youcan’t—”
“Mywifejusttoldyouwhatyou’regoingtodo,”Igrowl.Coraclenchesaroundme.“Sositthefuckdownandshutthefuckup.”
AnamusedsmilecurvesmylipswhenMadisontakesatremblingseatontheedgeofthecouch.CoragaspsandIdon’tknowifit’sbecauseofthethrillthatthrowingauthoritygives—orifit’sbecauseI’mworkingmyfingersinsideherfasterandmassagingherclitmorewithmythumb.
Shedeservesthis.She’safuckingqueenwaitingtobecrowned.Shejusthastobewillingtoseeit—andacceptit.
Hernailsdigintomywrist,beggingmetokeepgoing.“Howdidthatfeel?”Iask,nippingatherear.“Toshowherwhoyoubelongto?”Awhimperworksbetweenherbee-stunglips.Sheclingstomejusttostopfromcrumblingtothefloor.
“Good,”shemoans.“Itfelt…Itfeelssodamngood.”
MadisonmightstillbesittingwhereIorderedhertoorshemayhaverunforthehills—Ihavenoidea.Nothingexistsbeyondthiswomanandthewayshefeelsinmyhands.
Ilosemyselfinherpleasure,drivinghertotheedgesoIcangreedilywatchherspill.
“Ivan!”shegritsout,herbodyclampingdownonmyfingers.“I’m—fuck…fuck…Ivan…”Shetriestotellme,butIalreadyknow.AndIbaskinthewaysheshattersinmyarms,herlashesflutteringashertoescurlandshebucksherselfonmyfingers,soakingthemwithherrelease.
Shefloatsdown,sighingandholdingontomyneckfordearlife.Ikeepherthere,pinnedbetweenthewallandmyhips.
ThebrideIneveraskedfor.
ThequeenIneversawcoming.36CORA
Isitontheedgeofmybedandstareattheblackbaginmycloset.Scarlettissuepaperpeeksoutofthetop,ascandaloushintofwhat’stuckedawayinside.
Inthesexshopyesterdayafternoon,Ifeltpowerful.WithIvan’sfingersstrokingalltheplaceswhereIachedforhim,hisentirefocusonmypleasure,Irealizedallatoncehowintoxicatingcontrolcanbe.Howapersoncancometocraveit.
Thenwelefttheshop.
TheorgasmfadedandIvanretreatedbehindtheicywallsofhismask.Themanwho,justminutesbefore,hadbeenwhisperingsoftcommandsinmyear,urgingmetocomeapartforhim,turnedintoamutestonepillar.
Thesilenttreatmentcarriedontherestofthedayandthroughthenight.
Evenstill,Iwokeupfromadreamsweatyandpantingandshamefullywet.Ithrewmycoversbackandstaredatthedoorconnectingourrooms,willingittoopen.
Needlesstosay,thatdidn’thappen.
Now,I’vemovedontostaringatPlanB.Thebag.
Idropmyfaceintomyhandsandscrubatmytiredeyes.“Pathetic.Youarepathetic.”
Andhorny.Thatshoefits,too.
We’rebarelyafulldayintothiscelibacyarrangementandI’vealreadycreepedascloseasphysicallypossibletobreakingtherulethatIinsistedon.
Idon’tthinkwefullybrokeit,though.Ivangotmeoff,butheleftwithavisiblebulgeinhispants.Hewasnotsatisfied.It’sprobablyatechnicality,butatthispoint,awinisawin.
Iglanceatthedooragain,wonderingifhetookcareofhimselflastnight.MaybeatthesametimeIwaslyinginbedthinkingabouthim,hewasholdinghimselfandthinkingabout—
Myfaceflames.Ishakemyheadatmyownthoughts.“Yep.Absolutelypathetic.”
IfIvanistakingcareofhimself—orhavingsomeoneelsetakecareofhim,thoughIabsolutelycannotletmyselfthinkaboutthat—thenwhyshouldn’tIworkoutmyowntension?That’swhatthesetoysarefor,right?Ivanwouldn’thaveboughtmehalfthatsexshopifhedidn’twantmetouseit.
Istandup,edgingtowardsthebagofsextoyslikemaybeIcansneakuponthem.Iwon’thavetoadmitI’mhavingdirty,sexythoughtsaboutmyfakehusbandifthetoysdon’tseemecoming.
Isnortatmyaccidentalpunandtakeanotherstepclosertothebag.
It’snotbreakingtherulesifIonlythinkabouthavingsexwithIvan.Icaneasetheyearninginmycoreandmakesuresomethinglikewhathappenedinthebackofthatsexshopneverhappensagain.
“Thisiswhathewants,”Iwhispertothedark,needysideofmyself.“Hewantsmetothinkabouthim.”Iblowoutabreathandsnatchthebagoffthefloor.“Butthere’snoharmintryingthemout.”
IdigintothebagandgrabthefirstthingIfeel.Whateveritis,I’llcarryitintothebathroomwithme,burnoffsomeofthisenergy,andbedonewithit.WithIvan.
ButassoonasIpullatoyoutofthebag,thedoorbetweenourtwinbedroomsburstsopen.
Iyelpanddropthebag,butItightenmygriponthetoylikeImightbeabletowielditasaweapon.
AsIvanstompstowardmeinflagrantviolationofoneofthetworulesIrequested—knockbeforeyouenter—heopenshismouthtosaysomething.
Thenheseeswhat’sinmyhand.Iglanceatit,too,andwince.
I’mholdingaratherlong,quitegirthypurpledildo.
“Sorrytointerruptyoutwo,”hedrawls.
Ihurlthetoybackinthebagandfacehim,myarmscrossedovermychest.“Youaren’tinterruptinganything.Iwasjustfindingsomewheretoputallthisstuff.”
Hisotherbrowjoinsthefirst.MybodyburnswiththeawarenessofwhatI’vejustsaid.
“Notsomewheretoputit,like—”Igroan.“Adrawerorsomething!SoNilesdoesn’tsee.Whatdoyouevenwant?”
Hestepsoverthebagoftoysandwalksintomycloset.“Youneedtogetdressed.”
Ifollowhim,pausinginthedoorway.BeinginconfinedspaceswithIvanPushkinismyundoing,apparently.
“Despitewhatyouthink,Ihavemanagedtogetreadyonmyowneverydayofmylifeuptothispoint.Idon’tneedyoubarginginhereand—”
“Wehaveaninterviewtoday.”Hethrowsabrightgreendressatmeandthenspinsaroundanddigsthroughmytopdrawer.“Itcameuplastminute.”
“Whatkindofinterview?”
“Anengagementannouncement.”Heturnsaround,apalepinkstraplessbradanglingfromhisfingers.“Wearthisandthat,”hesays,pointingtothedress.“Nothingelse.”
Helooksthroughmyshoeoptionswithauthority.Iwouldhaveassumedhe’dbelostwhenitcametowomen’sfashion,buthequicklydismissesapairofchunkyheels,awedge,andaloaferinfavorofanudeheelwithafabrictiearoundtheankle.
Muchtomyirritation,itwillgoperfectlywiththedress.
“Idon’tneedyourhelpchoosinganoutfit.”Iedgearoundhimandpulloutthetopdraweragain,diggingfortheunderwearthatmatchthebra.
Ivanslamsthedrawershutandleansagainstit.Hisbicepsbulgeagainstthesleevesofhisblackt-shirt.“Isaid‘nothingelse.’Wasthatnotclear?”
“IthoughtyoumeantIshouldn’twearajacketorsomething.”
“Obviouslynot.Ajacketwouldlookridiculouswiththisdress.”Hepinchestheruffledchiffonsleeves.“ImeantwhatIsaid.Nothingelse.”
Myeyeswidenasthemeaningsinksin.“Whatpartofanengagementannouncementrequiresmetogocommando?”
“ThepartwhereIrequireditofyou,”hesayscoolly.“Thecarleavesinthirtyminutes.Don’tbelate.”
Heswoopsoutoftheroomasquicklyasheentered,butIswearhispantsarefittinghimtighterinthecrotchareathantheywerewhenhefirstwalkedin.
ThedoorclosesandIlookdownattheclothesinmyarms.TheoutfitIvanchoseforme,sansproperundergarments.
Maybehewantstoavoidpantylinesforthephotos,Ithink.
ThenIholdthedressupandrealizethatwon’tbeanissue.Thedresshasafittedbodice,buttheskirtandsleevesarelightandairy.LayersoftulleandchiffonthatflounceanddanceasIswingthedress.
Ihookonthebraandamtemptedtograbthepantiesanyway.HowwouldheknowifIfollowedhisordersornot?It’snotasifheisgoingtocheck…right?
Ivanhastoldmehedoesnothingwithoutareason.Isitpossiblethatthereasonbehindthisoutfitchoiceissimplythathelikesit?
Heplayscool.Heplaysaloof.Heplaysdistant.
ButmaybeIvanPushkinisspendinghisnightsthewayIam:tossingandturningandwonderingwhat’sgoingonontheothersideoftheadjoiningdoor.
Ipullthedressonanddeludemyselfintothinkingthatthisisallpartofsomeplan.IfIvanismoreattractedtome,thenitmeanshe’llbeabetterfakehusband.KnowingI’mnotwearinganythingundermydresswillmakehimmore…attentivetome.It’spurebusiness.Purestrategy.
Asstrategicastheflirty,innocentdresshehasmedolledupin.Betweenmyhairtwistedintoasidebraidandthesilhouetteofthedress,IlooklikeIjumpedstraightoutofthe1940s.It’soddlywholesomeforthefiancéeofthenotoriousIvanPushkin.
Asfarasanyonecansee,I’minnocentandnaive.Theperfecttarget.Whattheydon’tknow—whatI’mfinallystartingtofigureout—isthatI’minontheplan,too.
Onmywayoutthedoor,Iswipeonaboldredlipstick.
ItfitshowI’mbeginningtofeel.37CORA
Thisinterviewisatrainwreck.
Theinterviewerisamiddle-agedwomaninanill-fittingpantsuit.“Ilovelove,”sheinformedusthemomentshewalkedthroughthedoor.“YouhavenoideahowfastIjumpedattheopportunitytoshareyourstory.I’msohonoredtobehere.”
Now,halfanhourintowhatfeelsmorelikeaninterrogationthanafluffpiece,sheissaggedinherseatwithawearygrimaceonherface.
“Wasthereanythingabouttheotherpersonthatstoodouttoyouimmediately?”shepracticallybegs.“Anythingatall?”
Atfirst,ItriedtoletIvanleadtheinterview.He’shadmorepracticeatthiskindofthingthanIhave.Betweenthetwoofus,heisthecharmer.
Butthirtyminutesintothistorture,itisaracetorespondbeforehecancontinuetokillwhatisalreadyathoroughlydeadvibe.
“It’shardnottonoticeIvanwhenyouwalkintoaroom.”Ipressmypalmagainsthisbicep,andhegoesrigidundermytouch.“Herescuedmefromaprettyembarrassingwardrobemalfunction.Mydressripped,andheofferedhisjacket.Betweenthechivalryandhisgoodlooks,Iwassmitten.”
Hopefloodsthewoman’sface.Shesitsup,leaningin.“Ohmygoodness!What’sthestorythere?”
“Adrunkenassholetriedtoassaulther,”Ivangrowls.
“Howheroicofyou,sweepingintosaveher!”
“It’smydutytocontrolguestsatmyownparty.OnceIsawwhatwasgoingon,Ididn’thaveachoice.”
Ohyes,duty.ThereaderswillswoontohearabouthowitwasIvan’sunwillingobligationtoprotectandthenmarryme.Trulythestuffofwhichromancesarespun.
Ipasteasmileonmyface.“Andoncewerealizedhowmuchwehadincommon,wedidn’thaveachoicebuttogetmarried.”
It’snotactuallyuntrue.AndyetIvansomehowmanagestolookevenlessapproachable.Hescowls,hisjawflexinglikehe’stryingtocrackhisownmolars
Ishedoingthisonpurpose?Arewetryingtoblowthisinterview?
Theinterviewerloosesasighandreachesforhercamerabag.“Well,let’sgetaclose-upofthering,shallwe?”
Idon’tknowhowmuchIvanpaidKierantoovernightthiscustomjob,buttheexactringfromthemockupheshowedmeyesterdayisnowperchedonmyfinger.Ivanunceremoniouslytossedittomeinthecar.
“Putthison,”hegrumbled.
Again—justatouchshyofastorybookproposal.
Ihadtobitebackmyshockatthesheersizeofit.Hemightaswellhaveputadiamond-encrustedsoftballonmyfinger.
“Thatisgorgeous!”Shesnapsaphoto.“Canyouholdhands?”sheasks,nervouslyeyeingIvan.“Andmoveclosertogether.I’lltakeashotwithyourhandsinfocusandyourbodiesblurred.Ithinkitwilllookniceabovethefold.”
Iinchcloseruntilourthighsarepressedtogether.Theheatofhimburnsthroughthethinfabricofmydress.Thenheslideshishandundermine,hisfingerscurlingaroundmyknuckles.
It’sthefirsttimetodayI’veseenhiscoldfacadestarttodefrost.
Asthewomanlinestheshotup,herfacetuckedbehindthecamera,histhumbstrokesthesideofmyhand.Ifeelthattoucheverywherefromheadtotoe.
“Gotit!”thewomansays,springinguplikeshe’sfleeingafire.“Ithinkwe’redonehere.”
Ivandropsmyhandlikeitstunghim.Iwrapmyarmsaroundmyselftohidetheshivermovingthroughme.
Thewomanpausesinthedoorway.“Itwaslovelytomeetyouboth.Goodluck.”
IwaituntilsheleavestheroombeforeIsaginmychair.“Shewisheduslucklikewe’regoingtowar.”
Inaway,Isupposeweare.
Hestandsupandcheckshiswatch.“Let’sgo.Ihavethingstodo.”
“Ivan,”Ibreathe,“thatwas…notgreat.”
“Shetooksomenotes;shesnappedourphoto.Peoplearegoingtoreaditandnow,they’llknowwe’retogether.”
Ichewonthecornerofmylip.“Right…”
“Whatthefuckdoyouwant?”hebarkssuddenly.“ShouldIhavefingeredyouduringtheinterviewtoprovetoherthatwe’reinlove?”Hespitsoutthosewordslikethey’repoison.
Whathappenedbetweenusyesterdayhasexistedwithinabright,shinybubbleinmymemory.Ivanhaswastednotimeinpoppingit.
“Itwouldhavebeenbetterthanwhateversurly,standoffishB.S.youjustpulled!SheprobablysawrightthroughtheactandthinksI’minahostagesituation.”
Hisnostrilsflareashespinstowardsme.“Noonewasholdingyouhostageyesterday.Youbeggedmetomakeyoucome.”
“Ididn’tmeanthat.Ijustmeant—”
“Aslongaspeoplefindoutwe’remarried,nothingelsematters,”hespits.“Thisisallameanstoanend.”
“Thanksforthereminder,”Iwhisperundermybreath.“Forasecondthere,Ialmostforgot.”38CORA
I’monthebackpatio,twirlingthediamondplanetaroundandaroundmyringfinger,whenIhearthedoorsopen.
Iwhiparoundhopefully.ThenI’mforcedtofacethedisappointmentthatfloodsmewhenIseeitisAnyastandinginthedoorwayratherthanherbrother.
Ihaven’tseenIvanoncesincewegotbackfromtheinterview.WhenIsawNilescomingoutofhisofficeacouplehoursago,evenhelookedfrightenedbywhateverhe’dseeninthere.
HighLordIvanisinafoulmood,itwouldseem.
“Howdy.”Anyasoundsfriendlyenough,butIcanseethewarinessinhereyesassheapproaches.
HowamIsupposedtobehavearoundmypretendsister-in-lawafterlyingtoheraboutlovingherbrother?Isettleforastiffwave.“Goodtoseeyouagain,Anya.”
Shestopsinfrontofmeandliftsherhugedesignersunglassesupintoherwavyhair.“Isit?Becauseyoulookmiserable.”
WhatevernonsenseIwasabouttosayfalters.
“Easy.”Anyaeasesintothechairacrossfromme.“Iknowthetruth,remember?Youdon’thavetopretendtobehappilyinloveinfrontofme.Whathasmybrotherdonenow?”
Thelastcoupledaysriseuplikebileinmythroat.Theneedtotellsomeone—anyone—whatisgoingonisalmostoverwhelming.
ButIcan’ttellAnyaaboutmydirtydreamsorthesexshoporthewayIcan’tdecideifIwanttosmotherherbrotherwithapillowordraghimbeneaththesheetswithme.
“Nothing.Everythingisgreat.We’redoingfine.”
Anyaarchesherbrowanddoesn’tsayaword.
Itdoesn’ttakelongbeforemypaper-thinresolvegivesway.Isagindefeat.“Wehadanengagementannouncementinterviewthismorning.I’llbeshockedifthereporterdoesn’talsoannounceourimminentdivorceattheend.”
Shewinces.“Thatbad?”
“Worse.Hebarelyspoketomeallmorning,whichisfine.Igetit.It’snotlikewe’rereally…Imean,thisisn’treal.”I’mnotsureifI’mremindingmyselforAnya.“Ivandoesn’towemeanything.Butitalmostfeltlikehewassabotaginghisownplan.Allwehadtodowasholdhandsandsmileandtellafewprettylies,buthehungmeouttodry.Ijustdon’tknowwhatI’msupposedtodowiththat.”
Anyareclinesbackinherchairandslideshersunglassesbackdownonhernose.“Oh,mybrother.He’safunnyone.”
“‘Funny’isnotthewordI’dusetodescribeIvan.”
“Unique,then,”Anyaamendswithasmirk.“Hecanbehardtopindownifyoudon’tknowhimverywell.”
I’mnotsureifshemeansitasajabornot.Eitherway,she’sright.Idon’tknowIvanverywell.Atall.
“Doesthatmeanyoucanpinhimdown?BecauseIwouldlovesometips.Oneminute,he’sthissmooth,effortlessmanwhocancharmthepantiesoffof—”AnyagivesmealookandIclearmythroat.“He’scharming,iswhatI’mtryingtosay.Thenthenext,he’sablockofice.Whenwehadtoholdhandsforaphotoop,IthoughtIwasgoingtolosemyfingerstofrostbite.”
Lies.Despitehowterribletheinterviewhadgone,heathadstillpulsedthroughme.
That’stherealtroublewithIvan.Ifanyoneelsetreatedmelikehedoes,I’drunasfastandasfaraspossibleintheotherdirection.Butevenwhenhetriestopushmeaway,mybodydrawscloser.
“Iguess…”Itakeadeepbreath.“Somuchofwhatwe’redoingispretend.SoIguessIjustdon’tknowwhichsideofhimisreal.”
“Theybothare.”
Ifrown.“Idon’tseehowthat’spossible.”
“Hehasalotonhisplate.He’sresponsibleforeverything.”Anyasitsupandfoldsherhandsinherlap.“Partofitismyfault.ThingsweredifferentbeforeIgotmarried.Ivanhadthefreedomto—”Hereyescuttomeandsheshakesherheadandletsthesentencelingerunfinished.“Thingschangedafterthat.”
Iknowherfatherdoesn’tapproveofherhusband.Shetoldmeasmuch.Theirfatheralsomadeitclearhewouldneverapproveofme,either.
“Justawaitress”echoesthroughmyhead.It’snotthekindofthingyouforgeteasily.
Anyareachesoverandpatsmyknee.“Hejustneedstimetoadjust.”
“Idon’tknowhowmuchlongerIcanputupwiththis.Thehotandcoldmoodsarealottonavigate.”
Especiallywhenthehotissoobscenelyhot.Itwouldalmostbeeasierifhewasalwaysthesexy,flirtyIvanImetthatnightattheparty.Icanprepareforthat.Butwhenhegoesfromoneextremetotheother,Ijustgetlostinthemix.
Anyafrownsatme,herfullmouthremindingmefartoomuchofherbrotherformyliking.Then,suddenly,shejoltsupright.“Iknowexactlywhatyouneed.”
“Amoodring?”
Shesmiles.“Evenbetter.Youneedadatenight.”
Ican’thelpbutsnort.“IthinkitwouldbeeasiertogetIvanintoamoodringweddingbandthanitwouldbetogethimtoagreetoadatenightwithme.”
“Yeah,right,”shedismisses.“Haveyouseenyourself?Uniquemybrothermaybe,butunderneathitall,menarethesame.Thepromiseofyouinalittleblackdresswillbealltheencouragementheneeds.”
“Youdorememberthisisafakerelationship,right?”
“Oh,Iremember.Believeme.Buttheattractionisreal.Iknowmybrotherwellenoughtoknowthatyouareeverybithistype.”
ItellmyselfIdon’tcareifI’mhistype.Itdoesn’tmatter.Itcertainlydoesn’tchangeanything.
We’restillnotgettingmarried.
We’restillnothavingsex.
We’restillfakingthisinsanity‘tilthecowscomehome.
“Youtwojustneedtogettoknoweachother,”Anyacontinues.“Youcan’tplopdowninfrontofcamerasandactlikeacoupleifyouhaven’tpracticed.”
Thatalmostmakessense.Howarewesupposedtoeasilytouchandplayifwe’veneverdoneitbefore?Performinginfrontofotherpeopleiswayharderthandoingitinprivate.
AlthoughMadisonfromthesexshopmightdisagree.
Shepointsatme.“Icantellyou’reonboard.”
“I’monlyonboardifIvanisonboard.I’mheretodowhathesays,and—”
Anyagroans.“Mybrotherneedsakickinhispants.Youcan’tjustrollovereverytimeheasks,Cora.”
Iturnmyfacetowardstheskytohidetheflushwarmingmycheeks.ShehasnoideaexactlyhoweagermybodyistorolloverunderIvanPushkin.
“Dinner,”Imutter.“That’sit.IfIvanagrees,wecandodinner.Justdinner.Notadate,butanightto…topractice.”
Sheclapsherhands.“Yes.Okay,Iwilltotallymakethishappen.Tonight.”
SheseemsoddlyconfidentasshemarchesawayfrommeandintothehouseonwhatI’msureisadoomedmission.
Ivanwasawalloficethismorning.ThereisnowayevenAnya,assweetandbubblyassheis,canmelthimdownbytonight.
Butifshedoes,Isupposealittlepracticewon’tbetheworstthingintheworld.I’dlovetoendurethenextfewdays,weeks,orhoweverlongthistakeswithsomethingakintoafriendlyceasefire.I’msurethat’spossiblewithoutblurringthealreadyverymuddylinesbetweenus…
Right?
Igroanandsinkdownintomychair.It’sfine.Anya’splanwillprobablyfail,anyway.39IVAN
Anyadoesn’tevenbotherknocking.Shestrollsintomyofficewithatuxdrapedoverherarm.“YouandCorahaveareservationatBouloninninetyminutes.”
Idon’tbotherlookingather.“Notinterested.”
BeforeIcanevenpretendtobereabsorbedinmywork,Anyathrowsmytuxedoonmydesk.Itlandsacrossmyarmsjustassheleansoverthedeskandjabsafingerintomychest.
“Yourwifeismis-er-a-ble,”sheclaps.“Icouldseeitwrittenalloverherface.Shetriedtoplayitoff,butthatgirllookslikedeathwarmedover.”
Igrimace.Theinterviewthismorningdidn’tgoaswellasIhopeditwould.Turnsout,evenafacadewithgoodintentionsrubsmethewrongway.Sittingtherenexttoher,pretendingtobesomethingwearen’t…
ItremindedmetoomuchofeverythingIsworeI’dneverbecome.
“Thentellhertobeabetteractress.”
Anyagroans.“Shecouldbethebestactressintheworldanditwouldn’tmatter.Nooneintheirrightmindwouldlookatthetwoofyouandthinkthatyou’reinloveandonyourwaytogettingmarried.”
“Youbelievedus.”
Shenarrowshereyes.“Iwasinshock.IgiveittwohoursandIwouldhaveuntangledyourentiredeceitfulweb.”
“Cora’shappinessisn’tmypriority.I’msavingherlife.I’dsaythat’senough.”
“YourplantocatchwhoeverisafterheronlyworksiftheythinkCoraisanactualthreat.Thatmeansyouneedtolooklikeyouenjoybeingaroundher.”
That’spreciselythefuckingproblem.Idoenjoybeingaroundher.Toomuch,actually.
“Thentalktoherabout—”
“No,youtalktoheraboutit.Overdinner,”Anyasays.“You’reherhusband.”
“Fakehusband.Fakefiancé,actually.Wearen’tfakemarriedyet.”
Sherollshereyes.“Don’tyouwanttoactuallycatchwhoeveristhreateningourfamily?”sheasks.“Youalmostactlike…likeyoudon’twantthisthingwithCoratoend.”
IcanfeelAnya’sassessingeyesonme,waitingforanysignofacrackinthefacade.
“OfcourseIwantittoend,”Isnarl
Andwhywouldn’tI?
Mylifeisamazing.I’mrichandpowerful.IcanbuywhateverIwantandhavewhoeverIwant.Meanwhile,Coraisawaitress.
EvenasIthinkit,thewordschafe.Theysoundfartoosimilartosomethingmyfatherwouldsay.
Theyalsodon’tringparticularlytrue
Coraisalotmorethanawaitress.She’sloyaltoherfriendsandwillingtosacrificetoprotectthepeopleshecaresabout.She’sfierceineverythingshedoes.Inkindnessandfuryandfucking.
ThatferocityisjustanotherreasonitishightimeCoragotoutofmyhouseandoutofmyhair.IneedsomeonewhocandowhatIaskandstayoutofmyway.
Coraisnotthatwoman.
Sothesoonershegetsoutofmylife,thesoonerIcanfindawomanwhorespectsmyneedforthosethings.
“Justtalktoher,”Anyapresses.“Please?”
Imeetmysister’seyes.“Fine.I’lltalktoher.Dinner.”
***
I’mprettysuremysisteristheonlypersonintheworldwhocouldgetmeintoatuxagainstmywill.
ThenIlookupthegrandstaircaseandseeCora.
I’dputonasuitforher.I’dtakeitoff,too.
Isilencemydirtythoughtsanddrinkinthesightofher.
She’swearingamidnightbluegownthatmakesherskinshinelikestarlight.Thenecklineplungeslowacrossherchestandaslitrisesalongherrightlegtonearlythetopofherthigh.HerhairfallsinloosewavesaroundhershouldersthatIwanttogatherupwithmyhands.Iimaginemyselfshiftingherhairtooneshoulderandpressingmymouthtothehollowofherthroat.Suckling.Biting.Claiming.
Suddenly,mysister’slong,loudwhistlecutsthroughthethought.
“Holyshit,”shecatcalls.“Youlookamazing!”
Coraturnstoher,apleasedsmilebrighteningherface.“Thanks,Anya.”
AnyaelbowsmeinthesideasCorareachesthebottomstep.“Doesn’tshelooknice?Tellhershelooksnice.Tellher.Sayit.Sayitnow.”
Ilovemysister.Butrightnow,Iwanttostrangleher.
“Youlooknice.”Myvoicesoundsrobotic.Mymovementsfeelrobotic,too,asIshifttothebaseofthestairsandholdanelbowout.JustthewayIwastaught.
Inthesameeasy,well-trainedgrace,Coracurlsherarmaroundmineandstandsbesideme.
Anyacirclesuslikeajudge,takingusinfromeveryangle.“Youtwolooklikearealcoupletome.Abeautiful,realcouple.”
“Thenmaybewedon’tneedtodoallthispractice,afterall,”Corajokes.“MaybeIcanjustgobackupstairsand—”
Shestartstoletgoofmyarm,butIholdtight.
Whenshelooksoveratme,aquestioninhereyes,Iignoreitandleadhertowardsthedoor.
Anyatrailsbehindus.“Yourreservationisinhalfanhour.”
“Iknow.”
“Makesureyousmile,”shecalls.
Iwaveahandovermyshouldertobatherawayliketheirritatinglittleflysheis.
“Holdhands!”
“Goodbye,Anya,”Ibark.
WhenthefrontdoorisclosedandCoraandIareontheporch,Iblowoutabreath.
“Wedon’thavetodothis,”Corasayssoftly.
Ilookdownather.Atthecurlofherlashesandthepinkshimmerofherlips.“Iknow.”
“Andjustfortherecord,thiswasAnya’sidea.Ididn’ttellhertodothis.Ididn’twantto—Well,Idon’tmean—”
“Idon’tdoanythingIdon’twantto,Cora.”
Shestaresupatme.IcanseehertryingtopuzzleoutthemeaningbehindwhatIsaid.Honestly,I’mnotentirelysure,either.
WithCoranexttome,theideaofdinnerdoesn’tseemlikesuchawasteoftime.
Whatafuckingdisasterthatis.40IVAN
Everytimeshemoans,Iclenchmyteeth.MybodylocksuppurelysoIdon’tdosomethingI’dregret.
“Thisisincredible.”Coraslidesherplatetowardsme.“Takeabite.Seriously.”
“Weeachgotourown,youknow.Wedon’thavetoshare.”
Shecutsoffasliceofcheesecakeandholdsitoutforme.“Justbequietandtryit.”
She’sgotthatlookinhereyes,thatinfuriating,intoxicating,I-won’t-quitspark.Sowithagrowl,Iplucktheforkoutofherhandandtakethebite.
Shit.Itisgood.
“Whoevencameupwithputtinglemoncurdoncheesecake?Whatgenius?”Shesnatchesherforkbackandeatsanotherbite,hereyesflutteringclosedasherlipswraparoundthefork.“I’minlove.”
AndI’mrockhard.
Ihadnoideaathree-coursemealcouldbeasexualexperience,butCoraisan…enthusiasticeater.It’shardformymindnottoimaginethatsameenergyinother,muchlessinnocentscenarios.
“Ifyoucanlookatmelikeyou’reeyeingyourdessert,Anyawillbeproudofourprogress.”
Shegrins,narrowinghereyes.“Inyourdreams.”
Shehasnofuckingidea.
Thenighthasflownby.Iimaginedwe’dhaveatight,sixty-minutedinnerwherewerehashedourrulesandpracticedholdinghands.Buteverythinghappenednaturally.
IguessIshouldhaveknownafterthefirstnightwespenttogether:beingwithCoraiseasy.
Shefinishesherdessertandleansback,wrappingherarmsaroundherself.Sherubsherhandsalongherbicepstostaywarm.There’saheaterblowingbehindme,butshe’sclosertothedraftcomingoffthebalconyledge.
“Here.”Istarttoshrugoutofmyjacket.
“Thanks,butI’mokay.”
Islipitoffandstandup.“Youhavegoosebumps.Icanseethemfromhere.”
Icanalsoseethepointsofhernipplesthroughthedress,thoughIkeepthatdetailtomyself.
Idrapethejacketaroundhershoulders.ThememoryofthelasttimeIofferedhermyjackethangsheavilybetweenus
Shelooksup.“What’sthisgoingtocostme?”
Islidemychaircloserandsitdown,blockingsomeofthewindcomingfromthebalconyledge.“Whatdoyoumean?”
“IfIknowanything,it’sthatnothinggoodinthisworldcomeswithoutaprice.”Shegripsthelapelsandpullsthemtightlyaroundherself.“So,whatdoyouwant?”
Herfaceisflushedfromthewineandthecold,butCoraisburning.Hereyesareavibrantgreen,shimmeringinthetwinklelights.Butit’sdeeperthanthat,even.IsawitthenightwemetwhenshetoldStefanosexactlywherehecouldshovehisjackassery.Whenshetoldmethatshehadnointerestinmarryinganyone,letalonesomeonelikeIvanPushkin,whoeverthehellhewas.
Sheisn’tjustburning—she’sincendiary.
She’saskingmewhatIwant,butsurelyshealreadyknows.Surelyit’sobvious.
I’mabouttotellCoraexactlywhatIwant—andwhereandwhenIwantit—whenthewaitressreappearswithasilverwinebucketinherhands.
“Agift,”shesays,takingtheemptybottlefromthecenterofourtableandreplacingitwithchampagne.
I’mcontenttoignorethewaitressandthebottle.MygazeisstilllockedonthepulsethrumminginCora’sneck.Onthecurlofhairagainsthercollarbone.Ontheswellofherbreastsintheshimmeringfabric.
“Oh,hownice,”Coraexclaims.“Fromwho?”
Thewaitressshakesherhead.“I’mactuallynotsurewhoitcamefrom.Wedon’tusuallycarryit,butIknowit’saveryexpensivebottle.”
“Ifanyoneasks,we’reovercomewithgratitude.”Iwavethewaitressaway.“Thankyou.”
Corapullsthebottlefree,studyingthelabel.Iwanttoshoveitandtheentirebucketoffthebalcony.It’salladistraction.
ThenCoragoespale.
Iseetheshiftinher.Thewaythecolordrainsfromhercheeksandhereyesturnwary.Sheglancesupatmeandwhispersmyname,ahollowsound.“Ivan…”
Instantly,alarmbellssoundinmyhead
Thiswasalladistraction.Thewine,Cora,theconversation.She’sindanger,andIletmyselfbecomedistracted.
Isnatchthebottleoutofherhandsandturnitaround.Awordonthelabelhasbeenscratchilyunderlinedinredink.
Francia41IVAN
“Ivan,”shewhispersagain,“what’sgoingon?”
Ifuckedup,that’swhat.Igotsuckedintoaruseofmyownmaking.Iforgotwhatwe’redoinghereinthefirstplace.
Iplungethebottlebackintotheicebucketandpressmyhandtoherleg.“You’reokay.”
She’sshakingundermytouch.“Whosentusthatbottle?”
“Idon’tknow.”Ilookaround,buttheothertablesonthepatioareempty.Therearenodirectwindowsintothediningroomdownstairs.Ifanyoneknowswearehere,theymusthaveseenuscomeinsideorbeenfollowingussinceweleftthehouse.
AndIdidn’tevenfuckingnotice.
Stupid.So,sostupid.
“Coulditbeacoincidence?”Herhandwrapsaroundmywristthesamewayitdidyesterdayinthesexshop.Exceptthistime,she’snotclingingtomeinecstasy.She’sclingingtomeinutterfear.
“No.”
IpulloutthephoneIallbutforgotaboutforthelasttwohoursandtextYasha.SendadrivertopickupCora.Someoneknowswe’rehere.Alertallsecurityandbringinreinforcements.
“Whoareyoutexting?”
Ipocketmyphoneandwavedownthewaitressfromwhereshehasbeenwatchinginthestairwell.
“Iseverythingtoyourliking?”sheasks,acheerysmileonherface.
“Wheredidyousaythisbottlecamefrom?”
“ItcamefromtheChampagneregioninFrance.Weworkwithalocal—”
“Iknowwherefuckingchampagnecomesfrom.Imeanthisspecificbottle,”Igrowl.“Tonight.Yousaidyoudon’tusuallyserveit,sowhobroughtitin?”
Sheswallowsnervously.“I’mafraidIdon’tknow.Itwasinthekitchen.Theytoldmetobringittoyou.”
“Who?”
“Thekitchenstaff.Noonetoldmewhodeliveredit.Imightbeabletoaskthechef,butthesekindsofthingsaren’tusuallywrittendownanywhere.Weonlyknowwhatiswrittenonthecards,andthisbottledidn’tcomewithacard.”
Becauseitdidn’tneedto.Thesendermadetheirmessagecrystalclearwithonestrokeoftheirredpen.
“I’msorry,”sheadds.“Ifyoudon’tlikethechampagne,Icantakeitawayandreplaceitwithsomethingelse.Ican—”
Iwaveheraway.“Giveyourselfafiftypercenttipandclosemytab.We’releaving.”
Myhot-and-coldactisdoinganumberonourwaitress,butshestandsabitstraighter.Shescansthetableasiftoremindherselfexactlyhowmuchmoneywespentheretonight.“Thankyou,Mr.Pushkin.Itwasapleasuretomeetyou.Ihopeyoutwohaveagoodrestofyournight.”
Thewomanfinallyleaves.IgrabCora’shand.“We’releaving.”
“Doyouthinkwe’reindanger?”Corastands,myjacketslippingfromhershoulder.“Isitsafetoleave?”
Thisthreatisabitmoresubtlethantheredlaserpointofasniperinthecenterofherchest,butIcan’ttakeitanylessseriously.
Ipullhercloseandslidemyjacketbackintoplace,coveringhershoulders.“ItoldyouI’dtakecareofyou.SodoasIsayandletme.”
Icantellthereissomuchmoreshewantstosay,butshepresseshermouthintoatightlineandnods.“Ican’tbelieveI’msayingthis,but…Itrustyou.”
IkeepholdofCora’shandaswetakethestairsbackdowntothenarrowhallway.Thistime,however,insteadofcuttingacrossthediningroom,Isneakthroughthecamouflageddoorbeneaththestaircase.It’spaintedblacktoblendinwiththeshadows.
Thehallwayisdim,weavingthroughthenarrowspacebetweenthepublicdiningroomtotheleftandtheprivatediningspacestotheright.Doorwaysopenintoquietchatterandcandlelitdinners,peoplecompletelyoblivioustothethreatwe’reunder.
We’reonlytwentyfeetfromthesecondaryentrancetotherestaurant—ablacked-outglassdoornexttothewomen’srestroom—whenaharshmalevoicecutsthroughthewhitenoiseofrestaurantconversation.
“Adealisafuckingdealandheknowsthat,”themanhisses.
Corastiffens.Ituckherbehindme,twistingtowardsthevoice.
It’scomingfromthemen’srestroom.
“Hemadeadeal,butthedetailshavechangedsinceitwasagreedupon,”asecondvoicesays.“Ithinkmaybethatgiveshim—”
“HesworetomarryaSokolovdaughter,andthatiswhathewilldo,”thefirstmansays.“Konstantinwon’tbemadeafoolof.”
ThefuckingSokolovs.
Coratugsonmyarm.“Ivan?Whatisit?”
Idon’thavetimetoexplainbeforeIhearfootstepsmovingtowardsthedoor.
Inanyothersituation,I’dgladlyconfrontwhoeverisinthebathroomrightnow,gettheanswersIneed,andleavethemfordead.ButCora…
She’sclingingtomyhandwithtremblingfingers.She’sscared,andIhavetogetheroutofhere.Iwon’tputherinharm’swayagain.
Thebathroomdoorstartstoswingopen.Inasinglemove,IspinCoratowardsmeandtuckusbothintothesmall,shadowyalcovebetweenthemen’sandwomen’srestrooms.
Weneedacover.Adistraction.Analibiofsorts.
So,asthemen’svoicesgrowlouderandemergeonlyafewfeettomyright,IgripCora’schinandclaimhermouthwithmine.42CORA
Ihavenocluewhatisgoingon.
Champagne,fleeing,mysteriousvoices,andnow…kissing?
Idon’thaveevenasecondtomakesenseofitallbeforeIvanwhipsmeintoacorner,presseseveryinchofhismuscledbodyagainstmine,andkissesthehelloutofme.
Ihearmalevoicesgrowlouderandthenretreat,butI’mnotsureifthey’reactuallygoneorifthethrumofbloodthroughmyveinsisdrowningeverythingelseout.
Allnight,I’vefeltabuzzundermyskin.AsensethatI’mtoobigformybody.Now,withhissoftlipsonmineandhishandsslidingalongmywaist,I’vebeenunleashed.Themonstercrawlingundermyskintakesover,fistingthecollarofhisshirtandhaulingmyselfupbecausenomatterhowcloseIamtohim,itisn’tcloseenough.
Heloopsahandaroundmywaistandpressesmemorefirmlyintothewall.Icanfeeleveryinchofhowmuchhe’senjoyingthisagainstmyinnerthigh.
HistongueflicksacrosstheroofofmymouthandIshudderwithanimalpleasure.Ibitehislowerlipandcurlmyfingersthroughhishair,holdinghimagainstme,tryingtostretchthismomentonandonandon.
ButIcanfeelhimretreating.Hishandshavegonestillovermyribslikehedoesn’tdaremoveanotherinchhigher.He’sdrawingback,puttingspacebetweenourbodiesthatleavesmyflushedskincold.
Onelastbrushoftonguesandlips.Thenit’sover.
“Cora,”hemurmursinahuskysnarl.
Ifhe’stryingtostopthis,thenheshouldn’tsaymynamelikethat.
Reluctantly,Ilethimgoandslidetotheflooronshakylegs.He’slookingdownatmewithglowingambereyes.Thenheglancesupanddownthehallway,andithitsme…
Thiskisswasacover.
Astrategy.
Ivandidn’twantustobeseen,sohekissedmeuntilthosemenleft.
AndIturnedferal.Ipracticallysprayedhiminmyattempttodevourhiminadarkhallwaybetweenpublicrestrooms.
I’mgratefulforthedarkbecauseithidestheshamethatburnsacrossmyfaceasIbackawayfromhim,straighteningmydress.
Hestartstosaysomething.“Cora—”
“Anyawouldbeproudofthatperformance,”Isay,slappingonacheerysmiletokeepthetearsfromwellinginmyeyes.“Idon’tknowaboutyou,butIthinkwemadethisfraudofarelationshiplookprettyrealthereforasecond.”
Hisexpressiondoesn’tchange,butthelightinhiseyesflickersanddims.
“Idon’tthinkchemistryisourissue.”Ivanstepsbackandshoveshishandsinhispockets.“IfIcouldfuckyouinfrontofeveryone,therewouldn’tbeasoulonEarthwhocoulddoubtthatthismarriageislegitimate.It’severythingelsethatistheproblem.”
Well,then.That’scertainlyonewaytoputit.
Myladybitsapplaudtheideaenthusiastically.Therestofmetellsthemtozipit.
Itrytocomeupwithsomething—anything—tosay.Butthereisn’ttime.I’mstillindanger,andIvanstillsworetoprotectme.Whichheisdoing,eventhoughIwascontenttoriskmylifetogetinhispants.
Heleadsmethroughtheexitdoorandontothesidewalk.IseesomeoneleaningagainstalightpostandIjerkback,onlytorealizeit’sYasha.
“Evening,lovebirds,”hecroons.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Iaskhim.ThenIturnbacktoIvan.“Ithoughtwewereleaving.”
Hereachesaroundmeandopensthebackdoorofablackcar.Adriverissittinginthefrontseat.“You’releaving.We’regoingtolookmoreintothechampagnebottle.”
Iwanttoarguewithhim.ButwhatwouldIevensay?
Ourdatecan’tendlikethis.Youweresupposedtodrivemehomeandkissmeonthefrontporch.Iwasgoingtoinviteyouinside.
Thefairytaleversionofthisnightbloomsinmymindandthenwithersinasinglesecond.
Realityisalotuglier.
Ilethimhelpmeintothebackseat.Butbeforeheclosesthedoor,Ireachoutandgrabhishand.“Becareful,okay?”
Hestaresatme.Iseeaflickerofthatlightcomeback.Asmallsparkofhopeinhiseyesthatmakesmewonderifthereisn’tsomethingelsegoingonhere.
Thenheslamsthecardoorclosedandwalksaway.
Yashagivesmeasmallwaveandfollowshim.43CORA
It’sbeenhoursandhestillisn’thome.
IwanttoaskIvanwhathefoundoutattherestaurantandfigureoutwhomightbeafterme.Butjustasurgently,Iwanttoaskifthatkissinthehallwaymeltedhisbonesthewayitdidmine.
It’sbeenhoursandI’mstillvibratingfromtheforceofhislipsonmine.Icanstillfeelthesingeofhishandsacrossmyskinandthewarmthofhisbreathonmyneck.
AndIdon’tevenknowifhe’salive.
“Ofcoursehe’salive,”Ihissatmyself,shovingawayfromthedoor.
Ipacethewell-wornpathI’vemadeinthecarpet,cuttingacrosstothebathroomandthenspinningrightbacktothatdoor.
Ican’tsitstill.Icertainlycan’tsleep.AllI’vedoneforhoursiswaittohearevenawhisperofnoiseonIvan’ssideofthedoor.Anythingtoletmeknowheisokay.
I’mconsideringcallingthenumberYashaprogrammedintomyphone.Maybehe’llanswerandIcantalktohim.Butasthethoughtcrossesmymind,IrealizethatIvancouldhavecalledmeatanypointinthelastcouplehours.Ortexted.Hell,hecouldhavesentNilesupwithaXanaxandanotetoletmeknoweverythingisfineandthathehadanicetimeonour“date.”
Buthedidn’t.
Becauseitwasn’tarealdateandthisisn’tarealrelationship.
I’mnothisgirlfriendandheisn’tanythingtome.WhyshouldIcarewhathe’sdoingrightnow?Whatdifferencedoesitmaketome?
ThenIrememberthefeelofhimbetweenmythighs.Thewayhishandsgrippedmyribs.Thewayhetastedonmytongue,likelemoncurdandchampagne.
ItmatterstomebecauseIgotahitofIvanPushkin.
AllIwantnowismore.
“No,”Iwhisper,backingawayfromthedoor.“No,Idon’tneedhim.Idon’tneedhim.Icantakecareofmyself.”
UnlikethismorningwhenItiptoedaroundthebagofsextoysliketheymightexplode,tonight,Igrabthebagandoverturnitonmycomforter.Ispreadthetoysout,carefullyselectingthewandIwant,andmarchintothebathroom.
Ineedtorelax,soIwill.
ThisiswhatIvanwanted,anyway.Formetolearntotakecareofmyself.Right?Right.
Thehotwaterdoesnothingtoeasethefireinmyblood,buttheheatfocusesbetweenmythighsasIpressthewandtomyachingcenter.
There’snoneedforawarmup.I’vehadhoursofanticipation.Now,Ijustneedrelease.
Islidethewanddeepinsideofmeandrollmyhips.Thetilesarecoldonmyback,butthisisthepositionIneedtobein.Thecoldwallbehindme,theheatofthewaterstreamingdownmyfront…almostashotastheheatofIvan’sbodypressedtome.
Iclosemyeyesandworkthetoyinandout,mypacegrowingfeverish.Idon’thavetimetowait.AllI’vebeendoingforhoursiswaiting.Now,Ineedrelease.Ineed…
“Ivan,”Irasp.
Heatshuddersthroughmeashisnametumblesfrommylips.It’satantalizingshame,acknowledgingwhatIwant,butknowingIcan’t—shouldn’t—haveit.Buthere,inthisshower…IcanhavewhateverIwant.
WhoeverIwant.
Ismoothalinefrommynecktomychest,kneadingandstroking.Iimaginecallousedfingersovermyskin,stronghandstakingwhattheywant.Whatwebothwant.
Idon’tdoanythingIdon’twantto,Cora.
Ivanhasfuckedme.Savedme.Kissedme.Datedme.
Doeshewantthis,too?Ishisdesireagnawinghungerlowinhisgutthewaymineis?Asinkholeofneedyawningopen,consumingeveryotherthought?
Iarchoffthetilewallasthepleasurebuilds.Iimaginestronghandsonmylowerback,holdingmeup.Softlipssuckinginonenippleandthentheother,lavishingmybodywithattention.
“Ivan.”Imoanhisnamelikeaprayer,chantinginbreathygaspsbeforethedaminsideofmecracksunderthepressure.
Theorgasmalmosttakesmetotheshowerfloor.Ihavetocatchmyselfontheshelf.Shampooandconditionerbottlesgoflyingintheprocess.
Eyesstillclosed,Ifeelthedesirepulloutlikethetide.RecedingbackintotheplacewhereIneedtohideit,butwhereitwillneverfit.Notentirely
WhateverIfeelforhim,it’stoobigtostaytuckedaway.
ButIhavetotry.
IstarttolowerthetoytotheedgeoftheshowerwhenthesamecallousedhandIjustimaginedslidesovermine,holdingthetoyinplace.
ThenIhearavoice.
“Doitagain,”Ivangrowls.“Iwanttowatch.”44CORA
AmIstillimaginingthis?
IlookovertoseeIvanstandingjustoutsidetheglasspartition.Hisshirtisoff,thelinesofhistattoosdarkagainsthisskin.He’swatchingmecarefully.Hiseyesarealmostblackwithwanting.
Ishouldbescared.Myheartisthundering,butit’salmostlikesomesmallpartofmeexpectedhimtobehere.
“Youdidn’tknock,”Isaysoftly.Asifthatmatters.HecouldhaveblownthroughanentirewalltobeinherenowandIstillwouldn’tkickhimout.
Hestepsintotheshowerwearingnothingbutapairofblackbriefs.MyeyessnagontheimpressivelengthtentingthematerialbeforeIwhipmyattentionbacktohisface.
Ivanmovesclosearoundmeandgentlypullsthewandfrommyhand.Heflickstheswitchon,thenpressesitbackbetweenmyfingers.Ijoltandbitemyliptostopfromcryingout.
“Icametocheckonyou,”hewhispersagainstmyneck.“Iheardmyname.”
AnyembarrassmentImightfeelisburnedawayintheinfernothatroarsthroughmeasIvansituateshislengthbetweenmythighs.
Hisotherhandgripsmyhip.Ilookdownjustasastreakofpinkwaterflowsdownmyleg.Ifrownatit,confused.UntilmygazeslidesuptoIvan’sarm.
“You’rebleeding.”Evenasthewordsleavemymouth,Iknowtheyaren’ttrue.
Itisn’thisblood.
I’veseenhimkillbefore.Iwatchedhimpullthetrigger.Now,he’shere,coveredinblood…andallIwantistolickhimclean.
Fuck,I’msick.
“Tellmewhatyou’rethinking,”Ivanorders.
Ilaymyheadagainsthisshoulderandclosemyeyes.“Areyouasdangerousaseveryonesays?”
“No.”Heturnsandkissesmythroatbeforehislipsmovetomyear.“I’mworse.”
Ishouldstopthis.IfIwassmart,IwouldtellIvantoleave.IwouldholdfirmtotheboundariesIset,lethimsavemefromwhoeverisafterme,andthengobacktomynormallifewithoutasingleglanceintherearviewmirror.
Butmaybe…maybethisisallmyimagination.Maybethisisavividfantasy.ApocketoftimewhereIcanhavewhatIwantandnotbepunishedforit.WhereIcanbethedamselandIvan,asbloodyanddarkandwildlywrongformeasheis,canbemyknight.
“Ivan?”
IwhisperitsosoftlyI’mnotsureifhecanevenhearmeovertheshower.Butofcoursehedoes.Heslideshishandupmystomach,histhumbbrushingtheundersideofmybreast.
“Fuckme.Please.”
Hisambereyesflarebright.“Mypleasure.”45IVAN
Iwasinherroomlisteningtotheshowerrun.Iplannedtowalkaway.Itwaslateandbeingthereaftereverythingthathappenedtonightwasamistake.
Thenshesaidmyname.
No—Coramoanedmynamelikeafuckingsirencall.
Now,I’mcoiledaroundher,herbreathonmyneckandherwetskinslidingagainstmine.She’sbeggingme.
Fuckme.Please.
Iwill.OfcourseIwill.Idon’thaveachoice.
Butfirst…
Iwanttowatchherfallapart.
Iworkthewandagainsther,buzzingtheabsurdlyexpensivemachineoverthebundleofnervesbetweenhergorgeousthighs.Iboughtherthetoystouse,butwhenIwalkedinthebathroomandsawitinherhandasshemoanedmyname,I’veneverwantedtosnapadeviceinhalfmoreinmylife.
Itshouldhavebeenme.
“Isthiswhatyouwant?”Igrowl.
Corawrapsherarmupandaroundmyneck,hangingfrommeasshewrithesagainstthepressure.“It’sgoodenough.”
Ibiteherearlobeandtuguntilshebendsback,herthroatexposed.“Youdeservemorethan‘goodenough,’Cora.Isthiswhatyouwant?”
She’spantingnow.Herbodyistwitching,fracturingapartbitbybit.I’msohardithurts.Thefrictionofherthighsisn’thelpingmefocus.
“Ivan,”shegasps.Herthroatbobsassheswallowsanothermoan.“I’m—I’mcoming.”
Then,beforeIcanevengiveherpermission,that’sexactlywhatshedoes.
Ifeelherstomachtenseundermyhand.Shetrembleswiththerelease,suckingdownlungfulsofair.Tinysplutterspassherlipsandshejerksandspasmsinmyarms.
It’sfuckingbeautiful.
Butitisn’tenough.
Notforher.Certainlynotforme.
She’sstillcomingdownwhenIthrowthewandontheshowerfloorandspinCoraagainsttheglass.HereyesarewideandsearchingasIbandagentlehandaroundherthroat.
“Tellmeyou’resatisfied.Tellmethatwasenoughforyou.”
Tellmeyoudon’twantthissoIcanwalkaway.
Waterclingstoherlashesandstreamsbetweenherbreasts.She’sflushedandbreathlessfromtwoorgasms.Itshouldbeenough.Ifnot,thefactI’mcoveredinanotherman’sbloodshouldbereasonaplentyforhertowalkaway.
Andifshewon’t,Ishould.Ican’thaveher.Ican’twanther.
Butfuckme,sheistheonlythingIwant.Everythingelsecanburntoashes.Iwanther.
Herhandreachesout,strokinglightlyovermyabs.“Ivan…”
WhateverscrapofcontrolIhadleftcracksapartatthequiverinhervoice.
Igripherthighwithcrushingforceandwrapherlegaroundmyhip.Corashouldbescreamingforhelp,butinstead,shetugsdownthewaistbandofmybriefs.
“Itwasn’tenoughforme,”shebreathes.“Iwant…”
Shedoesn’tfinishthethoughtbeforeIslamintoher.
“Fuck.”Ibrushmythumboverherpoundingpulseandpushherheadback.Ipinhertothecoldglasswallwithmyhandandmycockandmybody.
ThenIpulloutandcrashintoheragain.
Eachretractionisanopportunitytoleave.Toendthis.Toseverwhateverconnectionexistsbetweenus.
Butthepullistoofuckingstrong.
Coraclawsatme.Hernailsscrapeatthebitsofdriedbloodonmyarmsasshedragsmeclosertoher,risingtomeeteverythrustwiththesamedesperationIfeelburninginmybones.
“Takeme.”Shewrapsherarmsaroundmyneckandliftsherotherlegtohookaroundmyback.“Takeme,Ivan.Likethis.”
Iwatchherbodyfallontomine.Thewayshetenseswitheverythrust.Herlipsareparted,andshedrawsclose.Closer.CloseenoughthatIfeelherbreathonmyfaceandsmellhertoothpaste.
She’sgoingtokissmeagain,andIknowitwillunleashwhateverislurkingundermyskinforher.
Justashereyesflutterclosed,Islideoutofherandpullaway.
Herfeetslapagainsttheshowerfloor.“Whatareyou—”
“Turnaround.”Ispinherandclawatherhips.RedmarksmapalltheplaceswhereI’vetouchedher,likelivingtattoos.
ShepressesherpalmstothetileattheverymomentIfillherfrombehind.Alongmoanworksfreefromherthroat.
Ipresstheheelofmyhandhardtoherlowerback,bowingherinfrontofme.TakingexactlywhatIwant.
Thisisn’tabouther.Thisisaboutme
Ilietomyselfagainandagain,thrustingintoherasifithasnothingtodowithwhosheistome.
“Don’tstop,”shebegs.“Keepgoing.Likethat.”
Ihookahandaroundherthroatandhaulherbodyup.Hershoulderbladescrashintomychest,butshe’sstilltremblingagainstmybody.She’sstillstrainingfortheexactrightangle.
“Yes,yes,yes.”Shepunctuateseachslapofourbodieswithacryofpleasurethatelectrifiesme.Finally,shegasps.“I’mcoming.I’m—”
Herbodytightenslikeavicearoundmeand,whenthathappens,Idon’tstandafuckingchance.
Ispillintoher.Theleashonmyself-controlisgone,missing,destroyed—ifiteverevenexistedinthefirstplace.Igripthebaseofherthroat,bitehershoulder,palmherbreasts.Iexploreeveryremaininginchofherbody,milkingeverypossiblesecondofthismomentforallitsworth.
CorajustreststhebackofherheadonmyshoulderandhooksherhandaroundmyneckasIexplode.
Finally,realitycomesswimmingbacktotheforefrontandIcaninhaleagain.Sheloosesabreathylaugh.“OhmyGod…Thatwas…Ivan,thatwas…”
Shecan’tfinishthesentence.Shedoesn’tneedto.
Iknowwhatitwas.
Ialsoknowexactlyhowdangerousit’sbecoming.46IVAN
IsitonthebedasCorafinisheshershower.
Thewaterturnsoffand,afewsecondslater,shepadsintothebedroomwithnothingbutatowelwrappedaroundher.Consideringwhatwejustdid,itshouldn’tsendsuchawarenessthroughme.Butitdoes.
EverysideofCoraissomethingnew,somethingIwanttocollageandkeepformyself.
Corainmysuitjacket.
Corainadressfordatenight.
Coraintheshower.
Corainatowel.
Everysingleimageissearedintomyretinas.WhenwillIfinallyhaveenoughofher?
Shefalterswhensheseesme,hesitatingforjustasecondbeforeshewalksovertothedresser.
“Ididn’texpectyoutostillbehere.”Shefrownsandturnsaway,diggingthroughhertopdrawerandpullingoutablackpairofpanties.“Didyouneedsomethingfromme?”
Yes,Ialmostsay.Ineedtherestofyourlifetobespentatmyside,doingwhatwejustdidagainandagain.
ButofcourseIcan’tsaythat.AndIdon’thaveagoodexcuseforbeinghere.
SoIpushtostanding,half-expectingtowalkpastherintomyroomandslamthedoorclosed.ButI’mdrawnintoherorbitasIgetcloser.AsIpass,Iopenthedrawerandpulloutasilkpajamaset.
“Wearthese.”
Shewrinkleshernose.“Igetwhyyoupickedoutmyoutfitfortheinterview,butIdon’tseehowwhatIweartobedispartofourbusinessarrangement.”Shefingerstheblushpinkmaterial.
I’mabouttotellherthatthereisawholehellofalotgoingonbetweenusthathasnothingtodowithourarrangementwhenInoticeherarm.Herthroat
Bandsofredwrappingaroundher,turningdarkontheedges.
Ireachoutahandandrunmyfingersoverherthroat.Shegoestautlikeaviolinstring.Onepluckandshecouldbeinmycontrol.
“Ileftmarks,”Imurmur.
“Oh.”Sheeasesback,gesturingtowardsherthroat.“It’sokay.I’mnothurt.Don’tfeelbad.”
“DidanythingIdohurtyou?”Iask.
Sheblinksupatme,obviouslyconfused.Herfaceflushespink.“No.”
“ThenwhywouldIfeelbad?”
ThetruthisthatIfuckinglovethesemarks.Iwantthemtostay.Iwanttolookatherandalwaysrememberthemomentwhenshebeggedmetofuckher
Igrabhertowel.Coradoesn’ttrytostopmeasItugitawayfromher.
ItpoolsaroundherfeetwhenIdropit,therestofherblissfullynaked.
“Itouchedyouthere.”IgentlygripherhipoverthemarksIleftbehind.ThenIsmoothmywayuptoafewsmallbruisesonherribs.“Andhere.”
She’sstaringdownatwheremyhandispressedtoherskin,hergreeneyesblazing.“Doyoualwaystakestockofthecollateraldamagelikethis?”
No.Hellno.
IneveryothercasebeforeCora,I’mlonggonebythetimeanyoneisintheshower.Icertainlydon’tstickaroundafterwardandpickouttheirpajamas.Thatwastheobjectivelybetterwaytodothings.
Evennow,Ishouldleave.ButIcan’t.Notyet.
Insteadofanswering,IgrabtheclothesfromCora’sarmsandbegintodressher.
“Iknowyou’veseenmenakedalot,butIcandressmyself,”sheprotestsweakly.Hervoiceisthickandhernipplesarepinchedintosharppoints.
Ipullthesilkcamisoleoverherhead,loiteringaroundthesoftswellofherbreasts.“ItoldyouI’dtakecareofyou.Sothat’swhatI’mdoing.”
Sheswallowsandnods,allowingwhateverthisistocontinue.Bothofuscaughtinthetangleofsomethingwedon’tfullyunderstand.
Ipulltheshortsoverherlonglegs,alreadyitchingtotakethemoffagain.Butno.Weshouldn’t.
Andmaybethat’swhatthisis.AsI’mdressingher,I’mlayeringonmyownarmor.I’mtakingbackmyself-controlandgivingthisstoryanaturalend.
AsIsettleCoraintothemattressandpulltheblanketsunderherpointedchin,Itellmyselfthisisover.
Ican’taffordtolosecontrol.
Ican’taffordtobedistracted.
Ican’taffordtohaveanythingthatmeanstoomuchtome.Anythingsomeoneelsecantakeaway.
Shesmilesupatme,thosebruisesglowinglikejewelryaroundherwristsandthroat.“Iwaitedforyou.”
“Youwereintheshower.”
“No.”Sheshakesherhead.“Imeanearlier.Afterour—Afterdinner.”
Date.Shewasgoingtosay“date.”Isthatwhatitwas?
Iwanttoknowhowthenightwouldhaveendedifthechampagnehadn’tshownup.Insomeways,itfeelslikeallroadswillalwaysleadbacktothis.Likewecan’thelpourselves.
“Iwasworriedaboutyou,”sheadds.
IrememberthewayshegrabbedmyhandasIputherinthebackseatofthecarBecareful.
NooneasidefromAnyaandYashahaseversaidthattome.Noonehasevercared.Thenshesatupathomewaitingforme…
She’slookingatmelikeshe’sstillwaiting.Forwhat,Idon’tknow.ButIknowit’ssomethingIcan’tgiveher
Iadjusttheblankets,thenriseandturnaway,walkingtowardstheshareddoorbetweenourrooms.
IfCoraiswaitingforme,shebettergetusedtoit.
She’llbewaitingforever.47IVAN
“It’sgood,right?”Anyaisbouncingfromfoottofootinfrontofmydesk,eyebrowswagginginimpatience.“Isn’titgood?”
Iscowlupather.“Shutupandletmeread.ThenIcantellyouwhatIthink.”
Butshe’sright.TheinterviewCoraandIdidtwodaysagoisgood.Great,actually.
Whichbegsthequestion:Howthefuckdidthatdisasterofaninterviewturnintothis?
“Youtwosoundsoinlove!”Anyasnatchesthepaperaway,hereyessecondsawayfromturningintocartoonishhearts.Shepointstoaparagraph.“Thispart.Ilovethispart.Listen.‘IvanandCoraadmittheirrelationshipisabitofawhirlwind,butitdoesn’tfeelthatwayfromtheinside.‘MywholelifehasbeenaseriesofexperiencesanddisappointmentsthathavemademereadyforsomeonelikeIvan,’Corasaid.‘Someonedependableandloyal.Iknowthathe’llalwaystakecareofme.’”
Shesureashellneversaidthat.NotwhenIwasaround,anyway.
Anyatossesthenewspaperatmeandthrowsherselfdownintoaleatherchair,practicallyvibratingwithglee.“OhmyGod,Iknewsendingthetwoofyououtonthatdatewouldwork.”
“Somuchforthatbeing‘strategy.’”
Shesnorts.“YouknowmetoowelltothinkIwasseriousaboutthat.Iwantedthetwoofyoutogetloosenedupandthen—”Shewinkssuggestively.
“Asmysister,you’resupposedtoberepelledbythatkindoftalk.”
“Asyoursister,I’msupposedtowantwhatisbestforyou.Ifyouhavetogetsomeinordertoseethat,thenthat’sfinebyme.It’sallpartoftheprocess.”
NothingaboutwhatishappeningbetweenmeandCoraispartofanynormalprocess.We’redoingeverythingbackwards,orsideways,orinsideout.Whateverdirectionwe’regoing,itisn’tastraightline,anditdoesn’tmakeanyfuckingsense.
That’sprobablywhyIhaven’ttalkedtohersinceIdressedherinthosesinfullysmallpajamasandtuckedherintobed.
Ifoldthenewspaperanddropitintothetopdrawerofmydesk.I’llreaditlaterwhenAnyaisn’tbreathingdownmyneck.
“Iknowwhatisbestformyself.”
Anyastaresatmeforafewseconds…thensheburstsintoobnoxiouslaughter.
I’velearnedthatitisbesttoletherrunhercourse,soIgobacktoworkinguntilshecanbreatheagain.
“The—whooo,thatwasagoodone;I’mtearingup—thefactthatyoubelievethatisreallycute,brother.Imean,youweregoingtoletthatinterviewrunwithoutanyintervention.Itdoesn’tspeakwelltoyourjudgment.”
Ifrown.“Whatthefuckdoesthatmean?”
“Didyoureallythinkthisiswhatthatinterviewerwroteaboutthetwoofyou?”
Mystonysilenceisanswerenough.
Anyashakesherheadandcontinues.“Thefirstdraftreadlikeamedicalreport.Itwasfuckingbleak.Thewriterwasafraidofupsettingyou,butitwasobviousyoutwogavehernothingtoworkwith.”
“Becausethereisnothingtoworkwith.Wearen’tarealcouple,”Ispit.
Anyaslouchesdowninherchairandrollshereyes.“ThankGodyourfiancéehasagoodheadonhershoulders,atleast.”
“WhatdoesCorahavetodowiththis?”
“Withtheinterview?”sheasks.“Everything.Shewroteit!Thereportersaidshecouldn’tpullitbecausetheydidn’thaveabackuparticleandhereditorwouldhavekilledher,soCorabeggedhertolethertakeashotatrewritingitabit.”
Coradidthat.Onherown.Shereachedouttotheinterviewerandtookactionwithoutmeorderingherto.Withoutanyprodding.Shejust…sawaproblemandfixedit.Shedidn’tevenaskmeaboutit.
“She’sprettyamazing,isn’tshe?”Anyaissmirkingfartoosmuglyforittobesafe.
Iwaveheraway.“Someofushaveworktodo.Gobeanuisancetosomeoneelse.”
Shestandsupandtossesherhairdramatically.“MaybeI’llgohangoutwithmyfuturesister-in-law.”
“Sheisn’treal.”
Anyasimplyblowsmeakissandhurriesoutoftheroom.
Itrytogetbacktowork,butafewminuteslater,Ifindmyselfkickedbackinmychairwiththenewspaperinmyhands.
Thearticleisgood.Reallygood.Evenpeoplewhodon’tknowadamnthingaboutmeormyfamilywouldreadthisandrootforus.Corasoftenedmeinalltherightways,makingmeapproachable,desirable.Shealsomademesoundliketheluckiestfuckerintheworldforhavingawomanlikeheronmyarm.
Icouldcallherupandthankher.Itwouldbetherightthingtodoafterghostingherforthelasttwodays.
Itaptheedgesofmyphone,considering.
Finally,IpickitupandtextKieran.HaveasimplegoldbraceletsenttomyhouseforCora.Forthenote,justwrite,‘Thanks.’
Shewon’tbeabletoweartheweddingringonceourshammarriageisover,butshecankeepabraceletifshewantsto.
Forsomestupidreason,Ifindmyselfhopingshewill.
Yashawalksintomyofficetenminuteslaterwithabreakfastsandwichinhishand.Iscowlupathim.“You’relate.”
“Iwashungry.Oh,shit.”Hewinces.“Icangograbyouone.”
“I’mnothungry;I’mimpatient.”Ipointtothechairacrossfrommydesk.“Sit.Tellmewhatyoufoundout.”
Hesetsthesandwichontheedgeofmydeskandblowsoutabreath.“Well,notmuch,honestly.YourdadhadneverheardoftheSt.Clairsbecausethereisn’tmuchtohear.Cora’sdadisprettywell-off,buthemakeshismoneytheboring,legalway.Healsodippedoutwhenshewasakidandhasawholenewfamilynow.Coraisn’tinanyofthepicturesIcouldfindofhis‘family’online.”
That’sreasonenoughformetohatethebastard.Idon’tneedtoknowanymore.
“Andhermother?”
“Hermom,Evaline,marriedAlexanderMcAllisteralmosttenyearsago.”
Ifrown,scouringmymindforanymentionofthatname.“DoIknowhim?”
“It’spossible.Hemovesinsomeofthesamecircles,buthekeepsalowprofile.Noonereallyhashimnaileddown.”
“That’swhyIaskedyoutolookintoit.Tonailhimdown.”
“AndIdid!”Heloungesback,hishandsraisedindefense.“Itried,atleast.He’sjustsomegenericrichguyasfarasIcantell.”
“Itjustdoesn’tmakeanysense.”Igrowlinfrustration.“Corawasatthatpartyunderherfriend’sname.Butwhy?Ifherstepdadmovesinthesamecircles—evenatangentialcircle—shewouldhavebeeninvited,too.”
Yashashrugs.“Maybeherinvitegotlostinthemail.”
“Hm.”There’smore,too.“Whenwewereshoppingforherring,Kieranactedlikehe’dseenherbefore.”
Hefeignsshock.“Arichwomaninafancyjewelryshop.Howscandalous.”
“Heactedlikeshe’dbeentherebefore—withsomeoneelse,”Igritout.“IthinkCoramighthavebeenengagedbeforethis.”
Hefrowns.“Nothingaboutapreviousengagementcameupanywhere.”
“You’rerunningintoalotofdeadendswhereCoraisconcerned.”
“Maybebecausethereisn’tmuchtofind.”
Ishakemyhead.“Orbecausethere’ssomethingsomeonedoesn’twantyoutofind.”
“Likewhat?Coraseemsnice.Ican’timagineherhavingsomedark,sordidhistory.”
“Thatdoesn’tmeanshedoesn’thaveone.Lookintoitmore.Interviewpeople,followleads,digfordirt.Whateveryouneedtodo.”
Yashasitsupandblowsoutabreath.“Man,I—Iknowyoulikethisgirl,but—”
“Idon’tlikeher,”Isnap.“I’mlettingherintomyhouseandIneedtoknowwhothefucksheis.Thisisn’tanymorepersonalthanthat.”
Yashaarchesaskepticalbrowforamomentbeforeheclearshisface.“Okay.Eitherway,wehavebiggershitgoingon.DonPushkincalledusinforameetingtonight.HewantstoknowwhotriedtoassassinateCora.”
“I’lldealwithmyfather,”Itellhim.“LookmorecloselyintoCora.”
Hetakesanotherbiteofhissandwichandflopsbackinthechair.“Ifyou’resure.”
Hellno,I’mnotsure.SinceCorashowedup,Ihaven’tbeensureaboutafuckingthing.
ButIshovethatuncertaintydownandnod.“I’mpositive.”48CORA
You’dthinklivinginanadjoiningroomwiththeguywouldhaveustrippingovereachotherseveraltimesperday,butno.Sincethenightofournot-a-date,he’sbeenaghost.
Iwakeupearlyinthemorningandhe’salreadygone.
Iwaitupatnightandhestaysoutevenlater.
ForallIknow,hemightbeabatsleepingupsidedowninatreesomewhere.Becausehecertainlyisn’tgettingenoughsleepinthebedroomnextdoortomine.
ThethoughtofwhereexactlyIvanmightbesleeping—whohemightbesleepingwith—hasmeburyingmynoseevendeeperinthehistoricalromancenovelIfoundtuckedawayinthelowest,dustiestshelfofthelibrary.
Angstandconfusionaside,allthisfreetimetokickbackandrelaxhasbeennice.It’sbeensolongsinceI’vehadtimetoreadabookorcontemplatemyrelationshipwithaman.Evenhavingarelationshipwithamantocontemplate,fraudulentandtemporaryasitmaybe,wasaluxurybeforeallofthis.
Now,I’mlousywithtimetoruminateonallthingsIvanPushkin.
Itrytofocusonthetextinfrontofme.OnJessaminetryingandfailingtoclimbatopherhorse,sothescandalousrakeDukeAndrewhastohelpher.Hegrabsherwaistandshetensesallover.AmaninVictorianEnglandhasnevertouchedherlikethis.She’saflame.
“Relatable,”Igroan,slammingthebookshut.
Idon’tknowwhyI’msurprised.It’shardtoescapethoughtsofIvanwhenI’mlivinginhishouse.Especiallywhenwecan’ttalkaboutwhathappenedtheothernight.
HefoundmeintheshowerandproceededtoraisemystandardsforallfuturesexualencounterssoimpossiblyhighthatImightaswellnotevenbotherdatinganyoneelse.
I’vebeenruinedonallmenwhoarenotIvanPushkin.
YetIhavenoclueifthatwasaone-offbornoutofourundeniablechemistryorifhe’dliketorepeatitagain.Rightnow.Andthenanhourfromnow.Andmanytimesmoreinthefuture,maybeuntilwebothdiefromoverstimulation.
“Oh,God.”Isinkdownintothevelvetloungechairandcovermyburningface.“Whatishappeningtome?”
TheonlyreasonI’mhereisbecausesomeonewantstokillme,butI’mspendingninety-fivepercentofmyenergywonderingifIvanthinksI’mcute.
It’spathetic.
I’mlyingonthechaise,thebookflatonmychestandmygazestuckontheceiling,whenmyphonerings.
Ijoltoutofthechairandfumbleformyphoneinmybackpocketlikemylifedependsonit.ButwhenIseethenumber,mydisappointmentisvisceral.
Idropbackdownintothechairandanswer.“Youshouldn’tbecalling.”
“Youcalledmefirst,”mymothersays.“Icanonlyhopeit’sbecauseyou’rereadytocomehome.”
Ibitebackahumorlesslaugh.“IcalledbecauseIthoughtyoucouldtalktome.Ithoughtthingscouldbe…”Liketheyusedtobe.“Ijustwantedtoseehowyouweredoing.”
WhenIcalledtheothernight,mymomwasstunned.Now,she’shadtimetoprepforthiscall.She’splayingherpartperfectly.“YouknowhowI’mdoing,Cordelia.Idomissyou.”
Ishiveratmyoldname.It’slikepassingthroughaghost.Theairaroundmeseemstodroptwentydegrees.
“Imissyou,too.”
Truthis,I’vebeenmissingherforyears.WaybeforeIleft.I’vemissedmymomsincethedayshegotmarriedtomystepfather.
“Thencomehome,”shepleads.“CalloffthisengagementorwhateveritiswithIvanPushkinandcomehome.”
Ifreeze,myhearthammeringagainstmyribs.“Wheredidyouhearaboutthat?”
“Itwasonthefrontpageofthesocietysection.”
“Youreadthenewspaper?”
“No,butyourgrandmotherdoes.Shesentmethearticle.”
Ivan’sentireplanhingesonusgoingpublicwithourengagement.ButIwastoobusyrunningfromgunfiretoreallythinkaboutwhatthatwouldmean.Aboutpreciselywhowouldseeit.
“Doesheknow?”
Idon’tneedtospecifywho.SheknowswhoImean.
“Notyet.”Shesighs.“ButIhaveto—”
“Don’ttellhim!”Ihatetheshakinessinmyvoice.Howquicklythememoriescomefloodingback.Feelingtrappedandalone,terrifiedofwhatmyfuturelookedlike.WhetherI’dhaveafutureatall.
“Cordelia,Ican’tkeepthis—”
“Don’ttellhim,”Irepeat.“Mom…please.I’mnotreadytocomeback.”
I’llneverbeready,butmaybe,ifshethinksthere’sachance,ifshethinksthereisapossibilityI’llcomeback…Maybeshe’llkeepthissecret.
IjustneedabitmoretimetofigureoutwhatI’mgoingtodooncemystepfatherknowswhereIam.
Becausethemomenthefindsme,he’lltrytohaulmebacktohishouseandmarrymeoffagain.IfthingswithIvanendandIdon’thaveajoblinedup,Imightnothaveanotherchoice.
Thesilenceontheotherendofthelineisdeafening.
“Mom…”
“Okay,”shesayssoftly.“Iwon’tsayanything.ButIcan’tcontrolifhefindsout.”
Atinyrayofreliefburststhroughthegloomhangingoverme.“Thankyou.Ijustneed—”
“You’llbehomeonewayoranother,”sheinterrupts.“Thesooneryoudoit,thebetteroffwe’llallbe.”
ShehangsupbeforeIcansayanything.Notthatthereisanythingtosay.
Ishouldhaveknownhe’dneveractuallyletmego.
I’msodeeplyentrenchedinmypitypartythatIdon’thearanyonecomeintothelibrary.WhichiswhyIshriekthemomentAnyastartstalking.
“Ivanlovedthearticle.”
Ialmostflopoffthechaiseinmypanic,butImanagetocatchmyselfonthearmofthechair.“Whendidyougethere?”
“Justnow.”Sheraisesherbrows.“Areyouokay?”
Isitup,handpressedtomyracingheart.“Youscaredthebejeezusoutofme.”
“It’sprobablybecauseyou’resittinginthisdankoldroominthedark.Opensomewindows.Letthesunshinein.”
Anyawalksaroundmeanddoesjustthat,throwingbackthethickcurtains.SunlightcomesstreaminginandIfeeltheurgetohisslikeascaldedvampire.
Shestrokesthewindowsilltoinspectfordust.“Nilesreallyisremarkablygoodathisjob,”shecomments.“Noonecomesinhereandyetit’sstillspotless.”
“ThePushkinsaren’tbigreaders?”
Sheshrugs.“Somanyenemiestokill,solittletimetoread.”
“Isthatcommon?The…thekillingof—”
“Iwasjoking.”Shesaysitabittooquicklyandwavesahandasiftodismisstheconversation.“Whatareyoudoinghere,anyway?Nilessaidyouhaven’tbeendownstairsallday.”
“I’vebeenrelaxing.”
Ididn’trealizeNileswaspayingsuchcloseattentiontomymovements.Ifhe’stellingAnyawhatI’mupto,it’sprobablysafetoassumehe’stellingIvan,aswell.Idon’tknowwhyitbothersme,butI’dratherhimnotknowthatI’mjusthidingawayinthelibrarywithabookwhilehe’soutthere,doingwhateveritishe’sdoing.
Anyasnorts.“Youdon’tlookrelaxed.YoualmostshotthroughtheroofwhenIwalkedin.”
“I’musedtolivingalone.It’sstillnewtohaveotherpeoplearound.”
Myapartmentisprobablyalreadygatheringdust.It’sonlybeenafewdays,butitfeelslonger.LikeI’vegonedowntheWonderlandrabbitholeandtimeispassingoutoforder.
Sheshiftstowardstheshelves,runningherfingeralongarowofleatherboundbooks.“Thatmakessense.Ivanisstillgettingusedtomepoppinginunannouncedandit’sbeenyears.Hesayshehatesit,butIknowhesecretlylovesthecompany.”
“Hedefinitelydoes.It’sobviousthetwoofyouareclose.”
Shesmilestoherself.“Doyouhaveanysiblings?”
“No.It’sjustme.”
“Areyouclosewithyourparents,then?”
Ichewonthecornerofmylip.“Nuh-uh.MydadleftwhenIwaslittleandmymomgotremarried.Wearen’tcloseanymore.”
Shewinces.“Irelatetoproblematicparents,believeme.ButI’msorry.”
“It’sokay.That’slife.”
“Yeah…”Shesighsandthenseemstocomealiveagain,sittinguptall.“Speakingofparents,wouldyouwantyourparentalsinvitedtoyourwedding?”
“Invitedtomy—Myfuturewedding,youmean?Orareyoutalkingabout…IvanandIaren’treallygettingmarried.”
Orarewe?Howfarisheplanningtotakethischarade?TheimageofmeinawhitedressstandinginfrontofIvaninatuxedo…Imean,Icanbarelyhandlelivingnextdoortohim.IcannotvowbeforeGod.I’llbesmotebydivinelightningformydirtythoughtsalone.
Anyashakesherhead.“Iknow,Iknow.Thisisallaboutappearances.Ifthingstakealittlelongerthanexpected,I’dlovetohaveaguestlistreadyforSavetheDates.Justtokeepupthecharade.”
Myheartrateeasesbacktosomethingresemblingnormal.“Iguessthatmakessense.”
“So,ontheparentfront,isthatayesor—”
“No!”Isaysharply.“No.Especiallyifitisn’treal.I’dratherkeepthemoutofthis.There’senoughgoingonwithoutdiggingupthepast.”
Anyaleansinclose.“Yousaidif.”
“What?”
“If,”sherepeats.“‘Ifitisn’treal.’Doyouthinkitcouldbereal?”
“What?No.No,that’snotwhatImeant.Ididn’tsayitlike—Ijustmeantthatsincethisisn’treal,Iwon’tsayanything.Oneday,whenitcouldbereal,withsomeoneelse,thenmaybe—”
“Afterreadingthatinterviewyourewrote,IthoughtIheardweddingbells.”Anyashrugs,asmugsmilepinchingherlipstight.“Youneverknowhowthingsmightturnout.”
Theinterview.Ialmostforgotaboutthat.
“HasIvanreadit?”Iask.“Whatdidhethink?”
Anyagrinsandreachesbehindher.Ididn’tnoticetheblackboxbefore.ProbablybecauseIwastoobusyscreamingbloodymurder.
“Nilessaidthisarrivedforyouafewminutesago.”Anyashovestheboxintomyhandsandhoversoverme.“Goon.Openit.”
Slowly,Ipeelopenthelid.There’sawhitepieceofcardstocksittinginside.Asinglewordtypedinthecenter:Thanks.WhenIpickitup,Iseewhatit’scovering.
“Ohwow,that’s—”Anyatipsherheadtotheside,assessing.“Thatiskindofplain,butstillanicegesture.Ivanhasclearlyneverboughtawomanjewelrybefore.”
Ipickuptheplaingoldband,runningmythumboverthepolishededge.
Nofrills.Nogaudygemsordiamonds.Noover-the-topdetailing.
Justasimplegoldband.LiketheengagementringIwanted.
ThesameoneIwantedwhenMikhailandIwereinKieran’sshop,alifetimeago.IhopedKieranwouldn’trecognizeme.Heseessomanycustomersthattherewasnowayhe’drememberme,right?
Wrong,asitturnedout.
“It’sperfect,”Imurmurundermybreath.
“Really?”Anyainspectsitabitcloserandthenshrugs.“ThenIvanknowswhathe’sdoing.That’sanothergoodsign.”
Iclosethelidandtucktheboxcarefullyinmylap.“Agoodsignforwhat?”
Anya’sbrowsshootupinnocently.“What?Oh,nothing.I’mjusttalking.Idothatalot.You’llgetusedtoit.”
Ivanwasright:whenitcomestolovingAnya,shereallydoesn’tgiveyouachoice.
“Anyway,”shechirps,“I’mthinkingweneedtogetyououtofthehouseanddosomeweddingplanning.Youneedtoseeandbeseenifwewantthisplantowork.”
I’mbeginningtowonderwhoseplanshe’sexecuting:Ivan’sorherownsecretagenda.
“EverytimeI’vegoneoutinpublic,I’vebeenthreatened.”
Orabsolutelyravishedbyherbrother.
Eitherway,it’sabadidea.
“WhichiswhyI’vebookedprivateappointments,duh!Yourdressfittingandcaketastingaregoingtobeexclusive.Noonewillbeallowedinoroutwithoutsomeextensivevettingandtherewillbesecurityeverywhere.Noonewilltouchyou.”
“MaybesomeonecouldjustcometothehouseandIcouldlookatdresseshere.Thenwewouldn’tneedalloftheguardsandsecuritymeasures.”
Sheswatsawaymyidea.“Thereisnowayinhellthatmybrother’swifeistryingonweddingdressesinherwalk-incloset.Notgonnahappen.”
“Haveyouseenthecloset,though?It’samazing.”
“It’sstillacloset.Thishastobeextravagant.It’slikeroyaltygettingmarried,”Anyasays.“That’swhatyouandIvanrepresenttopeople.It’sawayoflifethathastobemaintainedandflaunted.”
Isqueezetheboxinmylapuntilmyknucklesturnwhite.“Idon’twanttoberoyalty.”
“Wearen’treallyroyal,”shelaughs.“Butourfamilyhasalotofresponsibilities.Ivanhasalotofresponsibilities.Weneedtoexudestrengthandnormalcyrightnowuntilthisthreatisundercontrol.”
IhearthewordsAnyaissaying,butIcan’tmakesenseofthem.She’stalkinglikewe’respiesinthemidstofsomeforeignwar.Likethisisanespionagemovieinsteadofmyreallife.
Iblinkather,mouthhangingopenforamoment.“Whoareyoupeople?”
Anya’ssmilefalters.“We’reungodlyrich;that’swhoweare.Thisallcomeswiththeterritory.”
Assassins.Executions.Armedguards.
Iknowrichpeople.I’vebeenrich,nomatterhowbriefly.Noneofthiscomeswiththeterritory.
Thisismafiastuff.
Maybethat’swhatIvan’sdadwastalkingaboutwhenhementionedaBratva.Imean,itfits.WhoelseasidefromcareercriminalscanmurderpeoplewithnoremorsethewayIwatchedIvankillthatsniper?
Itobviouslywasn’tthefirsttimehe’dkilledsomeone.AndgiventhebloodIsawwashdowntheshowerdraintwonightsago,itprobablywasn’thislast
Anyajumpsupandbackstowardsthedoor.“Well,Ibettergo.Ihavesomethingstogetinorderbeforeourcaketastingtonight.Comehungry,okay?”
Inodandwave,aplanofmyowntakingform.
Ifnooneisgoingtotellmewhatisreallygoingonhere,I’lljusthavetofigureitoutformyself.Andtonight,atasecurelocationawayfromtheWiFiI’msureIvanishavingmonitored,I’llbeabletodojustthat.
Answersarelongoverdue.49IVAN
“Well?”Otetsbarks.Heslapsahandonthedeskthatwasoncehis.Helikestoreclaimhisthronewheneverhevisitsmyhomeoffice.Areminderofwhohethinksisreallyincharge.“Tellmewhatyouknow.”
Isprawlinthearmchairacrossfromhim.“TwoSokolovguardswereattherestaurantwhenCoraandIhaddinnertheothernight.”
“Whatdidyoufindoutbeforeyoukilledthem?”
IglanceatYashawherehe’sstandinginthecorner.Heduckshishead.
Ilookbacktomyfather.“Wedidn’tkillthem.”
“Youletthemgo?”Aveininhisneckthrobs.
“TheSokolovsareanally.Ididn’twanttomaketrouble.”
Hesnorts.“Toofuckinglateforthat,isn’tit?YouandKaterinacausedenoughtroubleforalifetime.”
“Andkillingtwoguardswhowereguiltyofnothingbeyondgossipinthemen’sroomcouldstartanall-outwar.Isthatwhatyouwantmetodo?”
“Don’tbesmart,son.”Hewagsafingeratmeinwarning.“YousaytheSokolovsmightbeinvolvedingoingafterourfamily.Iassumethatisacrimeworthyofdeath.Howimportantisthefamilytoyou?”
Igritmyteeth.“ImportantenoughthatI’mnotgoingtorunheadfirstintoawarifIcanavoidit.”
Yashastepsforward.“Wequestionedthetwomen,sir.Webloodiedthemup.Theydidn’thaveanythingtosay.”
“Becausetheyknewyouwereweak.”OtetsignoresYashaentirely,hisdisdainfocusedonme.“Theyknewtheyweregoingtowalkawaywiththeirlives.Ifanything,gettingabeatdownfromthefuturepakhanofthePushkinBratvaisabadgeofhonortheywillwearwithpride.Youprobablyearnedthemapromotion.”
“ImadeitclearthatIamontothem.Now,Konstantinknowsthat.Hemightslipupand—”
“Hewon’tbeabletoattackyoursupposedbrideevenifhewantsto.Ihappentoknowshehasn’tleftthehouseindays.”Hescoffs.“Youknowhowyoucatchapredator?Withbait.Thisgirlisawormonahook.Youdon’tcatchanythingbyyankingherawayanytimesomeonegetsclose.Youhavetoletthemgetatasteorthisisallforfuckingnothing.”
Itakeadeepbreath,bitingbackathousandcuttingwordsI’drathersay.“It’snotfornothing,Otets.Wehavealead.”
“Ifyou’dhadthegutstotakearisk,youcouldhavethepersonwhoistargetingus.”
“Or,”Icounter,“IcouldhavelostCoraandthepersonresponsiblestillwouldhavegottenaway.ThenI’dbeleftwithfuckingnothing.”
Imeantitintermsoftheplan,butthewordsringtruesomewhereinmyhollowchest.
WhenthisisoverandCoraleaves,whatwillallofthisbefor?SoIcansafelymarrysomestand-inwifeIdon’tgiveashitabout?
Otetsnarrowshiseyes.“Haveyoufuckedher?”
Itense,fightingtheurgetostranglehimforevenasking.“Thatdoesn’tmatter.”
“Itmatterstome,”hespits.“ItmatterstotheBratva.Ifyou’rewastingtime,money,andresourcessoyoucanshackupwiththisfuckingwaitress,thatmattersawholehellofalottoallofus.”
“DoesitlooklikeI’mplayingHousetoyou?”Iflingmyarmswide.“Ihaven’tevenseenherintwodaysbecauseI’vebeenbusytrackingdowninformation.”
“Isawthebillfortheengagementring.We’llbeluckyifshedoesn’tpawnitforadownpaymentonhernewlife.”
“Ihadnoideawewereshortoncash,”Idrawl.“Ifyou’reworriedaboutourfinances,I’llgetitbackfromherandre-giftittothenextwoman.”
That’safuckingwhopperofalie.I’llmeltitdownbeforeIseeitonanyfingerasidefromhers.
Butitdoesn’tmatter.Thisisn’taboutthemoneyformyfather.
It’saboutcontrol.Hislossofit,specifically.
“I’mworriedthatyou’regettinglostinyourowncon,Ivan.”Heleansforward,hisfingersdrummingslowlyonthetabletop.“Whenthetimecomes,youneedtobeabletocutthebaitandreelitin.Youneedtobeabletogetoutofthisunscathed,whetheryourlittleslutdoesornot.”
“Don’tcallherthat.”
I’mshakingwiththeforcerequiredtostaysitting.Tonotdragmyownfatheroutofhischairbyhisthroat.
Yashaedgestowardsthedoor,butOtetsdoesn’tmove.Doesn’tblink.“Whatdidyousay?”
Ilookathim,myvoiceloudernow.“Iwon’tsithereandletyoudisrespecther.”
Myfathersmirksatme,butthereisnowarmthinit.Nojoy.
Onlyasenseofretribution.
“Iwon’tletthisgamegoonmuchlonger,boy.”Hewavesanotherwarningfinger,hisnostrilsflaring.“Getyourshittogetherandbepreparedtocutthatgirllooseforthegreatergood.Ifyoucan’t,I’lldoitforyou.”
Hestandsandstormsout,leavingmesittingtherewithasinglethoughtburninginmyhead.
I’dliketoseehimfuckingtry.
Yashaescortsmyfatherout,thenreturnsandcollapsesintotheleatherchairacrossfrommewithasigh.“Fuck.”
“What?Ithoughtthatwentwell.”
Hescowlsatme.“Beserious,Ivan.”
“That’susuallymyline.”
“Becauseyou’reusuallybeinganuptightassaboutnothing,”hesays.“Thisisnotnothing.Thepakhanispissed.”
Iwaveahandintheair.“Youdon’thavetobeafraidofhim.”
“I’mnotafraidofhim;I’mafraidforyou,”hesays.“There’sadifference.”
IhearCora’svoiceinmyhead.Becareful.
ForallYasha’sfuckery,I’vealwaysknownhecares.IknowIcancountonhim.ThefactthatCorahasnowjoinedrankswithhiminbotheringtoworryaboutmeissomethingIcan’tquitegrasp
“Don’twasteyourtimewitheither.I’mfine.”
“You’refinerightnow,”Yashacounters.“WhatI’mworriedaboutiswhathappenswhenthisisover.I’mworriedwhatwillhappenwhen—if—youhavetocutthebait.”
Myfathertookhisraincloudswithhim,butIfeelanotherstormbrewingasIturntoYasha.“Iwon’thavetodothat.”
Heholdsuphishandsinsurrender.“Ihopenot.Coraisgoodforyou.Idon’twanttoseeanythingbadhappentoher.”
Eventhesuggestionhasmetighteningmyfists.“Thenlet’smakesureitdoesn’t.”
“I’lltry.Ireallywill.ButyouknowaswellasIdothatwecan’tcontroleverything.EspeciallywhenDonPushkinthinksCoraisexpendable.”
Iflexmyjaw,tryingtodrumupthewordsIknowIneedtosay.Finally,Ispitthemout.“Isn’tshe?”
“That’swhatI’maskingyou.”Hisvoiceissoft,solemn.“YoulikebeingaroundCora.Icantell.EvenAnyalikesher,whichisasmallmiracle.Yoursisterhatesanywomanwhoevenlooksatyou.ButIthinkshecanseeit,too:thatCorafitsinhere.Withyou.Inourworld.”
It’sstrange,hearingmyprivatethoughtsspokenoutloudbysomeoneelse.
Coradoesfitinhere.
Coracouldholdherowninmyworld.
Shebelongs.
“Noneofitmatters,”Isaywithfinality.
“Howcannoneofit—”
“Noneofitmattersbecausethisisatemporaryarrangement,”Isay,cuttinghimoff.“Thisisamission.Feelingscan’tgetinthewayofamission.Notmine.Notyours.NotCora’s.Thisthingbetweenmeandherwasalwaysmeanttoend.”
Yashasighs.“Butitdoesn’thaveto.Notifyoudon’twantitto.”
“WhatIwantistodomyjob.ThatmeansIcan’thaveCorafallinginlovewithmeandfuckingthingsup.”Idropmyfeettothefloor.“Thisisallanact.Agoodone,ifevenyouboughtintoit.”
Yashaisquietforafewsecondsbeforehespeaks.“Areyousure,Ivan?”
“I’msurethatIhavearesponsibilitytotheorganizationandmyfatherandmysister,”Itellhim,“tomarrysomeonewhoisactuallysuitable.SomeonewhocanbewhatIneedtodomyjob.Andthatpersonisn’tCora.”
Isittallandturntowardshim…onlytoseesomeoneelseinthedoorway.
“Cora.”
Sheblinksatme.Hereyesareglassy,filledwithtearssheisrefusingtoshed.
Sheliftsherchinandlooksatme.“We’releavingforthecaketastingintenminutes.Ijustwantedtoletyouknow.”
Istarttostand.“Cora—”
BeforeIcangetanotherwordout,sheturnsandleaves.50IVAN
Slicesofeveryimaginablecakecombinationarelaidoutontheglasscounterinfrontofus,butCorahasn’ttouchedasingleone.
Ileaninclose,voicelowandtight.“Youbasicallymadelovetoalemoncurdcheesecaketwonightsago.Maybedrumupafractionofthatenergyforthiscake.”
Shedoesn’tmove.Sheisaglaciernexttome.“Thingsweredifferenttwonightsago.”
“Wewerepretendingthenandwe’repretendingnow.Nothinghaschanged.”
Iknowthewordsarealie.Coraknowsit,too.Twonightsago,wewereoutonadate,withthepossibilityofsomethingswirlingalluringlybetweenus.
Now,I’veguttedthosehopes.Onecruelwordatatime.
Isawherinthedoorwaytomyoffice.Theshocketchedintothelinesofherface.Thehurt.IthoughtthegutpunchIfeltthenwastheworstitcouldget
Untilnow.ThefireinCorahasgonedormant,replacedbyanicyindifferenceIcan’tseemtothaw.
Thathurtsworse.
Thebakeremergesfromtheback.“Howisthehappycouple?”Thewomanisbeamingatus,toothrilledwithhergoodfortuneathavingbeenchosenasourbakertoevennoticetheschismwideningbeforehereyes.“Arethereanyflavorsyouparticularlylove?Icanbringoutmoresamplesorwhipupdifferentcombinationsifthereissomethingyouwanttotrythatisn’there.”
Corakeepshereyesonme.“Orderwhateveryouwant,dear.”
Whatthefuckdidsheexpect?Shetoldmethenightwemetthatshehadnointerestinthisworld.EvenifIhadtoldYashawhatIwasreallythinking,whatIwasreallyfeeling,whatwouldhavechanged?Sure,IcouldhavesaidthatCoraisdifferent.Thatshebringscolortothemonotonedrudgerythatismyday-to-daylife.Thatmypulsequickenswhensheentersaroomandwhensheleavesit.ThatIfuckingdreamofher.
ButevenifItoldhimallthat,nothingwouldhavechanged.
Westillwouldn’thaveashotinhellofbeinganythingmorethanwhatwearenow:twopeoplepretendingtheyhaveafuturethatdoesn’texist.
Iholdhergazeforonesecond,two,five,ten.ThenIspinbacktothebaker.“Leave.ComebackwhenIcallforyou.”
Thewoman’ssmilefades.“Oh.I—Doyouneed—?”
“Ineedyoutoleave,”Igritout.“Now.”
Evenasthebakerstumblesbacktowardsthekitchendoor,Coradoesn’tmove.Doesn’treact.Theonlysignshe’sevenconsciousofwhatishappeningaroundheristhewaysheflinchesasIspinbacktoher.
“Ifyou’remad,sayso.”
Sheliftsherchin.“I’mnotmad.”
“Likefuckyouaren’t.Forsomeonewhohatesmasks,yousurelovetohidebehindone.”
Shesnapsherattentiontome,eyesflaring.“I’mnothidinganything.”
“Sincewhen?”
“Sincealways!”Shethrowsherarmswide.“TheonlyreasonI’mhereisbecauseyoudemandedit.Becauseotherwise,myfriendsandIwouldbekilledandyouwouldn’tdoanythingtostopit.Ineverhadachoice.”
I’mlookingatCora,butIdon’tseeher;instead,IseeKaterinaSokolovstandinginfrontofme,handsshakingaroundachampagnefluteaswetoasted.
Iseemymother,headbowedassheoverandoveragainresignedherselftoherfate.
Thisisnotlikethat.
I’mnotlikethat.
“Youthinkyoudon’thaveachoice?”Ispit.
Sheliftsherchin.“IknowIdon’t.”
Islideaplateoflemonraspberrycakebetweenusandswipemyfingerthroughit.PinkbuttercreamandberriesdripdownmyfingerasIholdittoherlips.“Tryit.”
“No.”
Ileancloser.“Ithoughtyousaidyoudidn’thaveachoice.”
“Youknowdamnwellthat’snotwhatIwastalkingabout,Ivan.”
“Soyouhaveachoiceinsomethingsbutnotothers?”Ipress.“It’sawonderyouhavefreedomatallifI’msuchamonster.Thatmustbewhyyouweretremblingintheshowertheothernight.Youwereafraidofme.”
Herjawclenches.Colorriseshighinhercheeks.She’srememberingexactlywhathappened.
Thewayshebeggedmetofuckher.Howmuchshewantedmetotouchher.
Suddenly,shesitsforwardonherstoolandwrapsahandaroundmywrist.Hergreeneyesarelockedonmineassheleansforwardandpartsherlips.
Themomentshewrapsherfulllipsaroundmyfinger,Iseemymistake.
Ifeelmycockgrowinginmypants.Achinglyhard.Painfullyhard.
We’veshatteredthroughthewallofice,butnow,we’reattheotherextreme.Heatburnsbetweenus,scorchingeveryotherthoughtandworryoutofmyhead.
Ishiftcloserandpalmherthigh.Ijustneedtogroundmyselftosomethingreal,somethingtangible.BecausewitheverysecondthatCora’smouthisonmyfingertip,thelikelihoodthatIthrowheronthecounteranddevourherlikethecakewe’resupposedtobetastinggrowsexponentiallylarger.
Herlashesflutterclosed.Shetightensherhandaroundmywrist,twistingassheswirlshertongueslowlyaroundmyfinger.It’simpossiblenottothinkaboutwhereIwishhertonguewasinstead.
Thenshemoans.
Holyfuck,sheactuallymoans.Ifeelthevibrationinmybones.
Hercheekshollowout.Shesuckseverypossibledropoffrostingfrommyfinger.Hertongueflickstheendofmyfingeronceandthenagain.
I’mshakingwithlust.Stuckinatrapofmyownmaking.
Thenhereyesopen.
Andthemomentshattersapart.
Thehouselightscomeon.Thecurtainparts.Thefantasywe’vebeenlivinginfordaysdissolveslikethepaperdreamitis,andIforcemyselftopullmyfingerfreeofhermouth.
Hermaskisgone.Allthat’sleftisstunnedfearandcrushedhope.
Corablinksatme,hereyesdartingaroundinhopesofsomekindofescape.Thenshejoltsup,almostknockingherstoolbackintheprocess.“Ineedtousetherestroom.”
Asshesprintsaway,Iadjustmypantsandconsiderthechoicenowbeforeme:doIpretendIdon’tgiveadamnandlethergo?
OrdoIfollowherintothebathroomandshowherexactlyhowmuchIcare?51IVAN
Iglanceatthebathroomdooragainandagain.Asiftheanswertothequestioncirclingaroundmymindwillappearthere.
JustasIdecideCorahasbeengonetoolong—awhoppingfiveminutes—andIshouldgoafterher,myphonerings.
IanswerthecallandsquintthroughthefrontwindowtothedarkworldbeyondwhereIknowYashaisstandingguard.“Whatdoyouwant?”
“IwanttoknowifIshouldgiveyoutwosomeprivacy.Thingsareheatingupinthere.”
IhonestlyforgotYashawaswatchingoverus.ThemomentCorawrappedherlipsaroundmyfinger,Iforgottherestoftheworldfuckingexisted.Myuniversenarrowedtooneveryspecificpoint.
“We’replayingourparts,Yasha.”
“Uh-huh,”hesays,unconvinced.“Mypart,apparently,istobeyourvoyeur.That’swhatIfeellikeouthere.Likesomecreepypervbeingturnedonbycake.”
IflashamiddlefingerattheglasseventhoughallIcanseeismyownwateryreflection.“Fuckoff.”
Yashalaughs.“Isthatanorder?BecauselastIheard,yourwifeyisstillunderthreat.”
Ispinbacktowardsthestillclosedbathroomdoor.Maybeshe’sgoingtohideinthereuntilourcaketastingisover.
“Haveyouseenanymovementoutthere?”
“Nope.Nothingbeyondthetwoofyougettingcozy.”
Irollmyeyes.“Icanhandletheinterior.Whydon’tyoukeepyoureyesoutthereandfarawayfromCora?”
Ihearthepossessivenessinmyownvoice.TheclaimI’mlayingonher,eventhoughIdon’thaveaclaimtolay.NotafterwhatIsaidinmyoffice—whatCoraoverheard.
I’mwaitingforYashatocallmeoutonit.HeandAnyaseemsetonmakingthisarrangementpermanentforsomereason.
Buthedoesn’tsayanything.
Iwaitafewmoreseconds,sureI’llhearhiscacklinglaughanysecond.
“Yasha?”
Nothing.
Icheckmyphoneandtheconnectionisgone.Silent.
Everythingissilent,actually.Thekitchenwasbustlingwithmovementandclatteringpanswhenwearrived,butIdon’thearathingnow.Nofootsteps.Nomuffledvoices.
Iturnbacktothebathroomdoorandit’sstillclosed.
Somethingiswrong.
Iwalktothebathroomandpoundonthedoor.“Cora!”
Nothing.Notasoundbeyondmyownbreathing.
“Shit.”Ikickatthebaseofthedoor,thewoodrattlingintheframe.“Cora,openthedoor!”
Wrong.Wrong.Somethingisveryfuckingwrong.
ThatthoughtthrumsthroughmelikeasecondheartbeatasIstepbackandthenthrowallofmyweightintothebathroomdoor.
Thetrimripsawayfromthewallandthedoorfliesopen,revealingCora…
Sprawledoutonthefloor.
Foroneheartstoppingsecond,Ithinkshe’sdead.Iletherwalkawayfromme,andnow,she’sdead.Ididn’ttakecareofher.It’sallmyfault.
Thensheliftsherface.
She’salive,butsopale.Sofuckingpale.Hereyesarehalf-closedandherheadkeepsbobbingupanddownlikeshe’sfightingtostayawake.
“Cora.”Idroptomykneesnexttoherandgrabherhandsinmine.“Whathappened?”
Sheblinks,tryingtofocus,butthereisaglazeoverherexpressionI’veneverseenbefore.She’srightinfrontofme,butshemightaswellbeamillionmilesaway.
“My…phone,”shemumbles.
Ishakehergently.“Canyouhearme?”
Herheadflopsinmydirectionlikeit’stooheavytoholdup.“Ivan.”Herfingerstwitcharoundmine.Shemoans.“Ivan.”
She’sbeendrugged.Someoneslippedhersomething.
Itenseup.Notonlydidsomeoneattackmyfiancée,buttheydiditonmywatch.AfterIpromisedCoraIwouldtakecareofher.
AfterIsworeI’dkeephersafe.
Fromtheworld.
Frommyself.
“Wehavetogo,”Itellher.“Now.Canyoustand?”
Herhandflopsintoherlap.Ontoherphone.Idon’tknowifshe’stryingtotellmesomethingorifthat’sallthemovementshe’scapableof,butthereisn’ttimetofigureitout.Ipocketherphoneandscoopherintomyarms.
HerheadisheavyonmyshoulderasIcarryheroutofthebathroomandthroughanemergencyexit.
Thedooropensintoadarkalleybetweenbuildings.Thereshouldbeaguardpositionedhere,butthealleyisempty.ThefactYashahasn’tcalledtoaskwhatthefuckI’mdoingbreakingdownthebakery’sbathroomdoorisalsoabadsign.
Rightnow,Coraneedsmetogetheroutofhere.Sheneedsmetostayfocused.
WhichisgettingharderwitheveryraspyexhaleIfeelagainstmyneck.
Herhandisswayinglimplyatherside,herbodyjostlingwitheverystep.Ihavenoideawhatshewasgiven.Idon’tknowhowmuchlongershehasto—
“No.”
Isayitoutloudtomyself.ToCora’sflutteringlashesandpartedlips.
Shewon’tdie.Iwon’tallowit.
Slowly,Islideherbodydownmineandsetheronherfeet.ShemanagestolockherkneesenoughthatIcanholdherupwithonehandaroundherwaist.
“Ivan,”shemoans.“AmI—”
“Letmegetyououtofhere.We’lltalkthen.”
Itdoesn’tendhere.Itcan’t.Therewillbealater.
IpulloutmyphoneanddialYasha’snumber,butthecalldoesn’tgothrough.There’snoservice.Iftherewasanydoubtatallaboutwhetherthisisanattackornot,it’sgonenow.
We’rebeingtargeted.
Whichmeanswehavetogetoutofherebefore—
“Don’tfuckingmove,”avoicegrowlsfrombehindme.
Atthesametime,Ifeelagunpressagainstthebackofmyhead.52CORA
ThenexttimeIopenmyeyes,I’moutside.
Acoolbreezewhispersacrossmyoverheatedskin.Ifeelmarginallymorecoherent.Coherentenoughtorecognizethestrongarmaroundmywaist,atleast.
“Ivan.”Ittakesrealefforttosayhisname.Itrytostandonmyownfeet,butIfallmorefirmlyintothehardcliffofhischest.“AmI—”
“Letmegetyououtofhere.”Hepatsmywaist,hishandspreadacrossmyribslikearmor.“We’lltalkthen.”
Heseemstothinktherewillbea“later.”Thatwhateverishappeningtomeisn’tpermanent.That’snice.Ilethisconfidenceseepintome,ebbingawaythepanicmyweakbodyistryingtomuster.
ThenIfeelhimstiffen.AvoiceIdon’trecognizeechoesthroughthealley.“Don’tfuckingmove.”
Iturnmyhead.Theworldinfrontofmeswirlslikewatercolorsbeforecrystallizingintoshape.Whenitdoes,Ifrown.
Amaninblack.Amaskpulledoverhisface.StandingbehindIvan.Withaguntohishead.
That’snotsonice.
Thereisn’ttimetothinkorplan.Withouthesitating,IstumbleoutofIvan’sembrace.“D-don’t.Don’tshoot.Don’t—Pleasedon’thurthim.”
Ivanisglaringatme.Rageisripplingoffofhimlikelivingshadows,crowninghimindarkness.It’sprobablywhateverI’vebeendruggedwith,butIfeelthedarknessreachingtowardsmelikevines,tryingtopullmecloser.
“Cora,”Ivangrowlsinwarning.
Themanreadjustshisweapon.“Shutup.Bothofyou.”
ButIcan’tstayquiet.Notwhenthetruthhasbeenlaidsobarebeforeme.
Iknow,inthismoment,thatI’dratherdiethanseesomethingbadhappentoIvan.I’dratherhandmyselfoverthanlethimgethurt.
Thismightallbeagameforhim.ButI’mnotplaying.Notanymore.
“Please.”IlookpastIvantothemanbehindhim.Tothegunpressedtohishead.“Pleasedon’thurthim.”
Themantiltshisheadtotheside.Ican’tseehismouth,butIcansenseasmileinhisdarkeyes.Thenheturnsthegunonme.
Theworldexplodes.Soundandmovementandcolor.Iseetheflashoftheshot.Thensomethinghitsme.Someone,rather.
Ivanthrowshimselfintomeandshovesmeoutoftheway.Afeatthatdoesn’ttakemucheffortconsideringmylegsarelittlemorethanpoorlystackedbuildingblocks.
Icollapseintothesideofthebuilding,thewindwhooshingoutofme.
Ineedtogetup.Ineedtofight.IneedtohelpIvan.
Thethoughtsarewispsofsmoke.Ireachforthem,buttheydissolveinfrontofme.
Ican’tgetup.Ican’tfight.Ican’thelpIvan.Icanbarelyevenkeepmyeyesopen.
Betweenlongblinks,Iseehimstrugglingwiththeshooter.They’refightingandgrunting.Ican’ttellwhoiswinningorwhatisgoingtohappen.ButasIslipintoinevitablesleep,onethoughtrisestothesurfaceofmymuddledmind.
Itrusthim.53CORA
Ivanhashisarmaroundmywaist.Hishandfitssoperfectlyagainstme.Likeweweremadeforthis.
We’reinthejewelrystore,diamondsglitteringallaroundus.Ivaniswatchingmeslideringafterringontomyfinger.Everytimehewrinkleshisnoseandshakeshishead.
“I’vetriedontheentirestore,”Ilaugh.
“Noneofthemaregoodenough.Youdeservethebest.”
Ipressontomytoesandkisshischeek.“Ialreadyhavethebest.Ihaveyou.”
Ishouldfeelawkwardanduncomfortable.We’reonlypretending,afterall.Butthere’snosenseofthathere.Thisallfeels…real.Normal.
Likewe’reanactualcouple.
Ivansmilesdownatme.Amusementdancesinhisambereyes.“Muchtomydismay,youcan’twearmeallthetime.”
“Icantry,”Ipurr.
Heleansin,hislipsclosetomyear.“Tellmewhatyouknow.”
Ipressmynosetohisneck,breathinghimin.Hesmellslikegunpowder.Likedustandbloodand…
Ipullback.“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
Buthe’sgone.
***
Ivanisnowkneelingdownafewfeetawayfromme.He’stalkingtoamanwhoiscurledontheground.
“Whosentyou?”hebarks.“Whatdidyougiveher?”
Themanonthegroundisdressedinallblack.Ican’tseehisface,butIseehishand.Hepullssomethingoutofapocketinhisjacket.
Agun.
Itrytolunge,butmybodyisfrozen.Ican’tmoveasIwatchthehorrorunfoldinfrontofme,powerlesstodoanythingtostopit.
Butthemandoesn’tshootIvan.
Hepointsthegunathimself.Hewedgesitunderhischinand—
***
Thecardoorbangsclosed.Ivanisinthebackseatnexttome.Cameraflashesfromthepaparazzilightupthewindow.Iunderstandwhy.Helooksincredibleinhistux.
Hismouthispulledintoadevilishsmirk.Asmilethatpromisesnothingbuttrouble.Whenheturnstome,Ifeelmyinsidesmelt.
“Wearen’tgoinghome,”hetellsme.“We’regoingoutonthetown.”
Ilaugh.“AfterallthecheesecakeIjustate,you’dhavetorollmeoutonthetown.”
“I’llrollwithyou.”Hearchesabrowandslidesahandovermystomach.“Onthetown,inourbed—eitheroneisfine.”
Ourbed.Weshareabed.
Ofcoursewedo.Whywouldn’twe?
“I’mstuffed,butifyoutryreallyhard,youmightbeabletoconvincemetorollintobedwithyou.”
Hesnorts.“YouthinkI’dhavetotry?”
“Reallyhard,”Itease.“JustbecauseyouwineanddinemedoesnotmeanI’masurething.”
“You’regoingtobeokay,”hesayssuddenly.
Ilaughnervously.“IassumedIwouldbe.ShouldIbenervous?”
Hissmilefades.Heleansacrossthebackseattowardsme.Someone—Yasha,Ithink—isinthedriver’sseat.He’sbitchingattrafficandswervingallovertheroad.
“Whatisgoingon?”Iask.
Ivandoesn’tanswer;hejustloopshisarmsundermykneesandaroundmyback.Hehaulsmeintohislap,curlingmeintohischestlikeI’machild.
“You’regoingtobeokay,”hesaysagain.
Myheartisbeatingalopsided,unsteadyrhythm.“Iwishyou’dstopsayingthat.IknowI’mokay.Itrustyou.”
It’sthewordsIthoughtbefore.ThewordsIthoughtwhen…whenIwasonthedamp,coldgroundinthealley.
Thealleybehindthebakery.
Thegun.
Ithitsmeallatonce.
Thisisadream.
I’mcurledagainstIvan’schest,butthegauzyfilterofthedreamisgone.Thecarisdark,butstreetlightspainttheinterioryelloweveryfewsecondsasYashafliesdowntheroad.
IlookupinamomentoflightandcatchaglimpseofIvan’sface.Bloodissplatteredacrosshischeek.Idon’tthinkit’shis.
It’shardtothinkofanything.Mythoughtsfeelfaraway,disjointed.MaybeI’mstilldreaming.Butthisdoesn’tfeellikeadream.
Myheadispoundingandmybonesache.Itfeelslikethey’regrindingtogetherwitheverybumpofthecar.Mystomachswirls.IfI’deatenmorethanonebiteofcake,IknowI’dbethrowingituprightnow.
Theworstpartis,allIwanttodoisgobacktosleep.
Backintomydream.
Asifhecansensemydiscomfort,Ivansmoothsahanddownmyspine.Hedrawsmeclosetohim,encirclingmewithhisarmsandhisscent.It’snotthegunpowderanddustofthealley,butsomethingquintessentiallyIvan.Itmakesmethinkofwarmnightsbeneaththestars.Ofcrispbreezesandmoonlight.
Myeyesflutterclosed,andIfeelhisbreathonmycheek.
SoftwordsspokeninRussian,whisperedlikeapromiseagainstmyskin.
Idon’tknowwhathe’ssaying,butIsinkintothewordsandhisarms.Iletthemcarrymeaway.54IVAN
Yashaskidstoastopinthedriveway.“Holdon,andIcangetthedoorsfor—”
ButI’malreadyinmotion.
I’vebeenwatchingCoraeverysecondofthedrive,countingherbreaths.Waitingforthemtogrowshallow,tostopcomingaltogether.
Ican’tsitstillforanothersecond.Thereisn’ttimetowait.
Ifoldheragainstmychestandrunforthefrontdoors.Permyorders,Dr.Popovisalreadyhere.HeopensthefrontdoorasImountthestepsandushersusinside.
“Ihavemythingssetupinthesittingroom.”Hestartstoleadtheway,butIbrushpasthim.
Faster.Everyoneneedstomovefaster.
Dr.Popovisnearingeighty.He’sbeenaBratvadoctorsincewellbeforeIwasborn.Oneday,he’llneedtobereplaced.Butfortoday,hekeepspacewithmejustfine.
“Layheronthecouch.”Heslideshisstethoscopeintohisearsandlaysahandonmyshoulder.“YoucanwaitinthekitchenuntilI’m—”
“I’mnotgoinganywhere,”Igrowl.
Iletheroutofmysightonce,andsomeoneattackedher.Somehow,withoutmenoticing,someonegottoher.
Irefusetoletithappenagain.
Thedoctorstaresatme,notindefiance,butinquestion.I’veneveroverseenhisworkbefore.There’sneverbeenaneedto.Iknowhe’llalwaysdohisbesttotakecareofanypatientinfrontofhim.
Thisisdifferent.
Coraisdifferent.
Ijabahandathertoo-stillbodyonthecouch.“Examineher.Now.”
Dr.Popovjoltsattheauthorityinmyvoice.Hebendshisalready-hunchedbackoverherandbeginshisexamination.
Corastirredafewtimesinthecar.Hereyeswouldrollinmydirectionorherlipswouldformaroundnonsensesounds,almostlikeshewastryingtospeaktome.Once,IeventhoughtIsawhersmile.Butshehasn’tsomuchasbattedaneyelashinthelastfifteenminutes
Shedoesn’tlookquiteaswaxypaleasshedidwhenIfoundheronthefloorofthebakery’sbathroom.Thefluorescentsintherewereharsh,givingheradeathlypallor.Butthenear-permanentblushsheusuallysportsismissingfromhercheeks.
Dr.Popovpressesagainstthepulsepointinherneckandchecksherbloodpressure.Hedrawsbloodfromthedelicateblueveinontheinsideofherarm.
Throughallofit,Coradoesn’tmoveaninch.
It’sbizarre,watchinghimworkonherwhen,ineveryconceivableway,shelooksperfect.Herpointedchinistuckedagainstherchest.Longlashesbrushthetopsofhercheeks.Herlipsareslightlyparted,asifinexhale.
Ihavethesuddenurgetoleandownandkissher.Likewemightbelivinginastorybookandonekisscouldawakenher.
Butthisisnofairytale.I’mnoPrinceCharming.
“Youthinkshewasdrugged,correct?”Dr.Popovasks.
Inod.“It’stheonlyexplanation.Shewasfine,butwhenIcheckedonherafewminuteslater,shewasonthefloor.”
Myfistclenchesatmyside.HardenoughIthinkmyknuckleswillburstthroughtheskin.RageboilsinsideofmeuntilI’msureI’llbreathefire.
PrinceCharmingdoesn’tseekvengeance
PrinceCharmingdoesn’tsitbytheprincess’sbedsideandplotallthewayshewillmaimandtorturethevillainresponsible.
Inthisfairytale,I’mnohero.I’mthemonster.
AndwhenIfindoutwhoisresponsibleforthis,Iwillraindeathonallofthem.55IVAN
“Again.”
Withasigh,Dr.Popovrepeatshimselfforthethirdtime.“Thebloodtestshowedsignsofacommonsedative.Shereceivedahighdosage,butitwillwearoffinafewhours.Shewillbefine.”
“Howdiditgetinhersystem?”Yashagrowls.HesoundsalmostasangryasIam.
Itwashisjobtomakesurethebakerywassecure.Itwashisjobtowatchthetwoofus,makesurenothinghappened.Thisisasmuchaviolationtohimasitistome.
“Iwaswatchingthemboththeentirefuckingtime.”Helookstome,pleadingwithmetobelievehim.“WhenourphonecalldroppedandIlostservice,Isawsomeoneinallblackrunningdownthestreet.Ifollowedthem.I—Ithoughtitwastherightcall.”
Iclapahandonhisshoulder.“Itwasadistraction.Youmadetherightcallwiththeinformationyouhad.”
Dr.Popovclearshisthroat.“Asfarasthesedative,itcouldhavebeeninsomethingshedrank.Somethingsheate.”
“Shedidn’ttouchthecake.Well,justonebite.”Mystomachtightens,rememberinghermouthwrappedaroundmyfinger.
Yashacursesunderhisbreath.“Thewater.Shehadawaterbottle.Imadesurethecakeswereclean,butIdidn’t—Thewaterbottlesweresealed.Ididn’tthinktheywouldbeanissue.Fuck.”Herakesafurioushandthroughhishair.“Itmustmeantheywereplanningtomovehertoasecondarylocation.Theonlyreasontheytriedtoshootherinsteadwasbecause—”
“Iinterrupted.”
MystomachtwistsatthethoughtthatCoracouldbeinenemyhandsrightnow.Ilookdownatheronthecouch,stillasleep,herchestrisingandfallinginslow,evenmovements.Thefactthatthisisthebestpossibleoutcomeisun-fucking-acceptable.
“Nexttime,wedobetter.”IlookatYasha,myeyesboringintohis.
Heshakeshishead.“Thereisnonexttime.Thiswon’thappenagain.”
Dr.Popovpicksuphisblackbagandholdsouthisliver-spottedhandforashake.“Ifthereisanexttime,youcallme.YouknowI’malwayshereforyourfamily,Ivan.Whateveryouneed.”
IthankthemanandhaveYashaescorthimouttohiscar.
ThenI’malonewithCora.
AlonewithherforthefirsttimesinceIfoundherinthatbathroom.Thedreadthatswirledinmethenmakesasuddenreappearance.
BeforeIcanstopmyself,Ibendlowandscoopherintomyarms.IhaulheragainstmychestandholdhersoIcanfeeleverybreath.SoIcanfeelthewarmthofherskinandhearhereveryexhale.
She’salive.She’salive.She’salive.
IbarelyglanceatherbedroomdoorasIpassbyit,walkingtowardsmineinstead.
Ineedherinmybed.Inmyroom.WhereIcanseeherandwatchoverher.
MyroomisdarkasIlayheronthemattress.Herheadtiltsgentlytotheside,hercheekcushionedagainstmypillow.
Shelookspeaceful.Athome.
Ishovethethoughtdownandtakeintherestofher.Thebloodsplatterdottingherclothes.Thedirtfromthealleystainingherpaledress.
Idigthroughadrawerforalarget-shirtandgettoworkpeelinghergentlyoutofherclothes.
She’sgorgeous—beyondgorgeous.ButthereisnothingexcitingaboutwhatI’mdoingnow.Aboutseeingherhelplessandunconscious.Unresponsivetomytouch.
Ican’tsitdown.Ican’tstopmoving.SolongasIkeepmoving,everythingwillbeokay.IfIstaybusy,shewillwakeupandthiswillallbe…
Pretend.
Thegnawingacheinmychestdoesn’tfeelpretend,though.TheyearningIhavetoburntheworlddownjusttoseeheropenhereyesisn’tcasualortemporaryorfake.
Thewayshelooksinmyt-shirt,betweenmysheets…
It’snotsomethingI’llforgetanytimesoon.
Istandnexttothebed,watchingherbreatheuntilthedooropensandAnyaburstsin.
“Issheokay?”Hereyesarewide,frantic.SheseesCoraasleepinbedandfreezesinhorror.“OhGod.Howlonghasshebeenlikethis?”
Ihavenoideahowmuchtimehaspassed.Itcouldhavebeenminutesorhours.
ShedropsdownbyCora’sbedsideandcupsherhands,andallIcanthinkis,Corafitsinhere.
Corafits.Withme.Withmyfamily.Inourworld.
Shefits,butthatdoesn’tmeanshe’sright.Notforthisrole.Notforthislife.Notwhenshecouldbeattackedordruggedorkilledjustforthecrimeofstandingnexttome.
I’veseenthatfireinsideofherdimbefore.Iknowwhattheworldfeelslikewithoutit.
Iwon’tletithappenagain.
“Stayhere.”Iturntothedoor,pausingwithmyfingersonthehandle.“Don’tleaveheralone.StayhereuntilIgetback.”
Anyanods.“I’llstay.Butwhereareyougoing?”
“TodowhatIshouldhavedonefromthebeginning.”56IVAN
Iflingthedoortomyfather’sstudyopenhardenoughthatitbouncesoffthewall.
Allofthemeninsidejolt.Afewofhismoreloyallieutenantsrisetotheirfeet,handsontheirweapons,readyforaviolentintruder.
“Weareinthemiddleofameeting,Ivan,”myfathersnarlswhentheyseeit’sme.“Waitformeoutside.”
Istandmyground.“Whateverbullshityou’reworkingoncanwait.”
“‘Bullshit’?”Hiseyesnarrowtoslivers.“Don’tcondescendtome.Whileyou’retakingyourgirlfriendondates,I’mkeepingthisBratvarunning.”
“Whileyou’rehidingawayinthisroomwithyouradvisors,I’mfendingoffdirectassaultsonourfamily,”Isnarl.“Therewouldn’tbeaBratvatorunwithoutme.”
“IftherewasanattackontheBratva,I’msureIwouldhaveheardabout—”
“Therewasanattack,”Iassurehim.“WhichiswhyCora’ssafetyisnowourtoppriority.”
Otetswaveshislieutenantsback,tellingthemtositdown.“Don’twastemytimewiththis,Ivan.YoubroughtthisgirlintothefoldandImadeitclearshewasyourresponsibility.Youclearlycan’thandlethat.Shehasofficiallybecomealiabilityandadistraction.Iwanthergoneassoonas—”
“Coraismyresponsibility.”Islamthedoorclosedbehindmeandspinbacktomyfather.“Butsheisthesoletargetofourenemies.Thefactyourefusetotakethisthreatseriouslyisafuckingjoke.Whichmakesyouafuckingjoke,too.”
Heleansforward.“Youdon’tcomeinhereandtellmehowto—”
“WhatdoesitsaythatthePushkinBratvacan’tprotectonesingularwoman?Thepakhan’swoman,atthat?”
“She’snotyourwoman.”Hiseyesflare.“Andyouarenotpakhan.Notyet.”
“AndIneverwillbeifIdietryingtosaveher.WhichIwill,”Ivow.“BecauseifCoradies,thecredibilityoftheBratvadieswithher.Noonewilltakeusseriouslyifwecan’tkeephersafe.Itwilltellourenemiesthatweareripeforthetaking.Itputsallofusindangeranditmakesourdefenseslookweak.”
DmitryandVadimshiftnervouslyintheirchairs.IknowforafacttheyfeelthesamewayYashadoesabouttheirresponsibilities.They’vesworntoprotecttheBratvawiththeirlives.Theytakeitseriously.
Andrightnow,myfatherismakingliarsofthem.
“Theonlythingthatmakesuslookweakisthatyourheadcouldbeturnedbythispeasantwoman,”myfatherspitsback.“Ourcredibilitywasneverquestionedbeforeshearrived.Now,she’smakingyousoft.”
Iclenchmyjawhard.“Youcan’tseeit.Youreallycan’tfuckingseeit.Amazing.”
“Don’ttellmewhatIcanandcan’tsee!”heroars.“Iseemorethanyourealize.”
“ThenyoumustseethatsomeoneouttherewantsintoourfamilysobadlythattheyarewillingtokillanywomanIchoose.Theyaregoingtoteardowntheempirewe’vebuilt,brickbybrick,untiltheycanwaltzrightthroughthefrontdoors.”
“Bullshit!”Hisfaceisredandsweaty,hiseyesalmostbulgingoutofhishead.“Thisisallbullshit.Astoryyou’reconcoctingtogetoutofyourbargainwithme.Thisisallbecauseyoudon’twanttogetmarried.”
Thatwastrueatonepoint:Ididn’twanttogetmarried.ThedecisionwaslittlemorethanabargainingchipforAnya’sfreedom.
Now,theproblemis…
Iwanttogetmarriedtothewronggirl
ButIcan’tandIwon’t.Notifitputsherlifeindanger.SotheleastIcandoismakesureshe’ssafe.Nomatterthecost.
“I’mgoingtoupholdmyendofourbargain,”Itellhimsolemnly.“I’vealwaysintendedtodoexactlyasIpromisedyou.ButI’mgoingtodoitmyway.I’mnotgoingtoallowsomeoutsidertothreatenmeintomakingachoice.AndIcertainlywillnotlettheBratvaIamgoingtoinheritbediscreditedbyallowingthewomanonmyarmtobehurtordisrespected.”
IturntoDmitryandVadim.Itakeintheirstoicfaces—facesscarredfromyearsofprotectingthisbratva,fromdecadesoffightingformyfamily.
“Thisfamilyhasalwaysbeenprotected,”Isaytothem.“Oursecurityandstrengthhaveneverbeendoubted.Iwon’tletitstartnow.”
Theybothnodinsubtleagreement.
That,morethananythingI’vesaid,forcesmyfather’shand.Hecan’taffordhismentounitebehindmejustyet.
“Fine,”hebarks.“Yourwaitressisournumberonepriority.Dowhatneedstobedonetomakesuresheissecure.Runanythingelsebymebefore—”
“No.”
Hepausesanddrawsinasurprised,rattlingbreath.“No?”
“No.”Ishakemyhead.“I’mtakingthefighttothem.”
Hesighs.“Whathappenedtoavoidingwar?”
“I’mdoneplayingdefense.It’stimetomakeamove.”
Fuck,itfeelsgoodtosaythat.57CORA
Myheadisencasedincement.Eyessealedshut.Mouthstuffedwithcotton.
I’mnotawake,butI’malsonotinadream.I’minsomesluggishmiddleground,trappedinmyownbody.
ThenIfeelahandaroundmine.
Ivan
HisnamerisesthroughthemuddywatersofmymindbeforeIrealizethehandissmoothandsmall.Nothinglikethework-roughened,largehandsIknow.
NotIvan,then.
“Cora?”asoftvoicesays.
Anya.
Istruggleagainstmyheavylids.
“You’reokay,”shereassuresme.“You’reokay.Justtakeyourtime.”
Iliebackandletmyselfcomeawakepiecebypiece.Ishakemyfeetandhands.Itakestockofmybreathingwithdeepinhalesandexhalestoeasethenervousflutteringofmyheart.
Finally,Ipeelmyeyesopen.
Ihisslikeavampirewhenabeamoflightstabsmedirectlyintheeyeballs.
“Oh,shit!”Anyayelps.“Sorryaboutthewindow.”
Shedropsmyhandandscurriesawayand,asecondlater,theroomisdarkagain.
Itrytosaysomething,butmythroatisraw.
“Oh,here.”Shegrabsawaterbottlefromthebedsidetableandholdsthestrawtomylips.“It’swater.Nopoison.Ialreadychecked.”Ifrown,andsheducksherhead.“Sorry.Thatwasn’tfunny.Toosoon,probably.”
Igulpwater.Dropbydrop,Istarttoreturntothelandoftheliving.WhenI’vehadenough.Ihanditbacktoher.“Wh…whathappened?”
Sheblowsastrandofhairoffofherforehead.“I’llgiveyoutheshortversion:don’tdrinkoreatanythingwhileinpublicthathasn’tbeencheckedbysomeoneonthesecurityteam.”
Iclearthehoarsenessfrommythroat.“Maybegivemetheslightlylongerversion?”
“Youweredrugged.Ivanfoundyouonthebathroomfloorofthebakeryandcarriedyououtside,buthewasstoppedbyamanwithagun.”
Bitsofmydreamcomebacktome.Thesmellofgunpowder.Abang.Ivan—
“Isheokay?”Irasp.
Anyapressesahandtomyshoulderandeasesmebackintothebed.Ididn’tevenrealizeIsatup.
“He’sfine.Hewasgrazed,butitwasnothing.Theshooterwasgoingafteryou,nothim.”Shepullstheblanketovermylegs.
Assoonasshe’sdone,Ishovetheblanketbackdownandstareatmylegs.Mybarelegs.Atthethreadbaret-shirtthatbarelycoversthetopsofmythighs.“WheredidIgetthisshirt?And—”Ilookaroundattheoddlyfamiliarroom.Itlookssomuchlikemine,butinreverse.“IsthisIvan’sroom?”
Thefurnishingsaremoodier.Darkbluewallpaper,velvetcurtains,andwalnut.Itsuitshim.
“AndIvan’sshirt.”Anyanods.“Hebroughtyouheresoyouwouldn’tbealone.”
Ifighttheurgetobringthecomfortertomynoseandtakeadeepbreath.“Icouldbe‘notalone’inmyroom.”
“Hewantedyouclose.Veryclose.”Shegivesmeawarmsmile.
Ipulltheblanketbackovermybarelegsandcrossmyarmsovermychest.“Didyoudressme?”
“Notexactly…”Shewinces.
“Thenwhoexactlydid,Anya?”
Shelaughsandrunsfingersthroughherhair.“Forsomeonewhojustwokeupfrombeingdrugged,you’resurprisinglycoherent.Ididn’tthinkI’dbeansweringsomanyquestions.”
“Anya.”
Sheholdsupherhands.“ItwasIvan.Butitwasn’tlikethat.Hejustdidn’twantyoutowakeupinbloodyclothesandhedidn’ttrustanyoneelsetodoit.”
“You!Youcouldhavedoneit.”
“Iwasn’thereyet.YouroptionswereIvan,Yasha,orNiles.Takeyourpick.”
ImullitoverforallofthreesecondsbeforeIrealizetherewasnobetteroption.I’dhavetogointowitnessprotectionifNileseversawmenakedandYashacan’tbetrustedwiththatkindofinformation.He’dteasemeaboutitfortherestof…well,therestofhoweverlongIknowhim.
Isinkdownintheblankets,knowingfullwellIvanhasalreadyseenmenakedmultipletimes.Thatisn’teventheproblem;Idon’tcarethathesawmenaked.
IcarethathimtakingcareofmewhenIcouldn’ttakecareofmyselffeelsfartoointimateforthisgamewe’replaying.
“It’ssweet,isn’tit?”IlookovertoseeAnyahasstarsinhereyes.“I’veneverseenhimsoprotectiveofsomeonebefore.HemademeswearIwouldn’tleaveyoualonebeforeheleft.”
“Heleft?Wheredidhego?”
Ifmydreamistobebelieved,themanwhocameatuswiththegunkilledhimself.Iblinkandseehimraisingtheguntohischin.Iheartheshotechoonthebricks.
Ishiver.
Anyashrugs.“Hedidn’tsay.Buthemademepromisetostayherewithyou.Helooked…Well,I’veneverseenhimsoshaken.Yashacalledandtoldmewhathappenedandhesaidthesamething.Hesaidthatthiswasdifferent.Thatyouweredifferent.”
Herwordspokeatthedried-uphuskofhopeinmychest.
“Ijustthink…”Anyaperchesontheedgeofthebed,herhandsfoldedinherlap.“Ithinkthisthingbetweenthetwoofyouisreal.Morerealthaneitherofyouwilladmit.”
Ihearwhispersinmyear.Gentlewordsofcomfortandcare.Ifeelhisarmsbandedaroundme,protectingme.
Allofthatwasreal.Butafuture?Alifetogether?
Thatcan’tbe.
WhenIlookup,Anyaiswatchingme.Herexpressionisguarded.Then,asifdecidingsomething,shetakesadeepbreath.“Youknow,Iwaspromisedinmarriagetotheheirtoatechfortune.Millionairesontheirwaytobillionaires.”
“Lev?”Iask.
Shebustsoutlaughing.“God.No.Levis…”Shesmiles,hercheeksglowingpink.“Levworkedformyfather,actually.Hewasonthesecurityteam.Lowestlevelclearance.Hecouldn’tevenbuzzhimselfthroughourfrontgate.Theguardsondutyhadtolethiminanytimehecametoseeme.Whichmadeithardtokeepourrendezvoussecretfrommyfatherandmyfiancé.Asyoucanimagine,Daddywasn’tpleased.”
“Youcheated?”
Shewaversbackandforth,ashysmileonherface.“I’darguethatit’simpossibletocheatonsomeoneyouneverchosetobeinarelationshipwith.Ibarelyknewtheguy,letalonelovedhim.ButIlovedLev.”
“Didyourdadknowthatwhenhesetuptheengagement?”
Shesnorts.“Oh,hellyeah,heknewit.MyrelationshipwithLeviswhyhesetuptheengagementinthefirstplace.Hewantedtoforceusapart.HeactuallyfiredLev,butIvanhiredhimforhispersonalsecurityteam.”
“Why?”
“Becauseunlikemyfather,mybrotherjustwantedmetobehappy.”Hereyesgoglassy,butshequicklyblinkstheemotionaway.“Anyway,thatstirredupawholebigbrouhaha.MyfiancéwasthreateningtopulloutoftheengagementandmydadwasseriouslyconsideringmurderingLev.”
Ican’ttellifshe’sexaggeratingornot,butIhaveafeelingsheisn’t.BasedonthelittleIknowofhim,BorisPushkinseemsmorethancapableofsenselessmurder.
Anyasags,seeminglyexhaustedbythememoryofitall.“EverythingwasfallingapartandIwasabouttoendthingswithLevjusttoprotecthim.Totrytokeephimaliveandmyfamilyfromsplittingapartattheseams.”
I’montheedgeofmyseatnow.Ahappyending?Inthisfamily?Surelynot.
“Whathappened?”
Shesmiles.“Ivanhappened.Iwenttomyfather’sofficetotellhimIwasgoingtobreakupwithLevandmarrytheboringbillionaire,butIvanwasalreadythere.Theywerefinalizingthedetailsofanewplan.Abargain.IvansworethathewouldtakeonmyburdenandmarrywellforthefamilyifitmeantIcouldmarrythemanIloved.”
Idon’tthinkI’mbreathing.“You’rejoking.”
“Deadserious.HemadethatdealandmademyfatherswearthatIwouldneverbedisowned.Hecouldn’tcutmeoutofthewillorpullsecurityfrommeandLev.Ivanstakedmyentirelifeononepromise:thathewouldmarrysomeonemyfatherapprovedofinmystead.”
Mystomachhollowsout.IhearBorisPushkin’ssneeringvoice.AmIsupposedtobelievebothmychildrenhaveafetishforthelowerclasses?
“Ivannevertoldmethat.”
Hetoldmethiswasallpretend.Hetoldmewewouldneverwork.Hetoldmetheoutcome,butheneverexplainedthereasoning.
“He’dbemadItoldyou,”sheadmits.“Hedoesn’twanttotalkaboutit,butthisismystory.ThisiswhatIcantellyou,evenifhewouldhatethatyouknow.”
“WhywouldhecarethatIknow?”
Ifanything,thisisaneasyoutforhim.Thisinformationmakessenseofsomanythingsbetweenus.It’shis‘GetOutofJailFree’card—notthatheneedsone.
“Ivancaresmorethananyoneknows.Morethanheshows.”Shelaysahandovermine,squeezinggently.“Ifherevealsevenadropofemotiontoyou,there’sanoceanoffeelingwherethatcamefrom.”
I’monanemotionalcarousel,circlingaroundandaroundthesamethoughtsagainandagain.
Butitallcomesbacktothesameplace
Myeyeswellwithtears.Frowning,Anyaleansinclose.“What’swrong,honey?”
BeforeIcananswer,thedoorswingsopen.Ivanisinthedoorway,silhouettedagainstthehallwaylightlikeanavengingangel.He’sasbeautifulashewasinanyofmydreamswithhiscrownofdarkhairandburnishedgoldeyes.
“Youcango,Anya,”hesaysfirmly,nevertakinghiseyesoffofme.“Coraneedstorest.”
Withoutanotherword,Anyastandsup.Shepatsherbrother’sshouldersoftlybeforesheclosesthedoorandleavesusalone.58CORA
Theroomshrinksaroundus.He’sstandingadozenfeetaway,buthemightaswellbebreathingdownmyneckthewaymyheartishammeringagainstmyribs.
Ican’thavehim.
Hedoesn’twantme.
Thisisn’treal.
This.
Isn’t.
Real.
Irepeatthewordstomyselfagainandagainasifmymindmightbeabletokeepmyheartinline.Likethere’sachanceIcanwranglethefeelingrunningwildinmychest,theonemewlingandpawingtogetclosetothemaninfrontofme.
“You’reawake.”Hisambereyesseeeverything.Thereisn’tamoleculeofmehedoesn’texamineandmakenoteof.
“Iwokeupafewminutesago.Anyawaswithme.Shesaidyouleft.”
“Ihadthingstotakecareof.”
“Peopletotakecareof,youmean?”Ilookhimoverforanysignsofinjury.Forbloodsplatterorbruises.Idon’tseeanything.ButIcan’timaginehe’dletthissingounpunished.
Hisfistsclenchathissides.Bandsofmuscleflexandcontractacrosshisarms,shiftingthedarktattoosthatswirloverhisskin.“Themanwhoshotatyouisdead.Iftherewasanyoneelseworkingwithhim,I’llfindthemall.Everysingleone.”
Godhelpthosepeople.Wrathcloudshisexpression.I’dhatetobeonthereceivingendofthatlook
“Thankyou.For…Well,Idon’tremembereverythingthathappened.”
Witheachblink,IseeIvankneelingnexttomeinthebakerybathroom.Iseehimloomingoverthedarkshadowofmyattacker.Ifeelhiswarmthwrappedaroundmybody.Ismellhismusk.
Ihavetoshakemyheadtoclearthebitsofmemorylikerocksfrommyshoe.“Thankyouforsavingme.”
“Youshouldn’thaveneededsaving,”hegrowls.“Noneofthisshouldhavehappened.”
“Weknewthiswasarisk.Gettingnibbledisthefateofthebait,right?”Itrytosmiletolightenthemood,butitdoesn’tlightentheheavinessinmychest.
Ivangoesperfectlystill.Hisjawworksbackandforth,backandforth.
Isitup,clutchingthecomforteragainstmychest.“I’mokay,Ivan.Ifeelfine.”
“Youweren’tfine,”hespits.“Youwerepracticallyunconsciousonthebathroomfloor.Youalmost—Theytried—Hefuckingshotatyou.”
“Andyousavedme.I’mfine.”
“Stopsayingthat.Juststop.”Adeepgrowlrumblesthroughhischestashestalkstothebed.HeclaimsthespotAnyawasjustin,hisbodybrushingagainstmythigh.“Youshouldbeupset,Cora.Thelasttimewespoke,youweremad.Bemadatme.Befurious.”
Ourlastinteractionrisesupbetweenuslikesmoke,obscuringeverythingelse
IwasmadthatIvandidn’twantme.ThathecouldsoeasilysayIwouldneverbetherightwomanforhim.
ThenIwaslividthatIcouldbedrawnbackinsoeasily.Onetouch—onetaste—wasallittooktomakemeforgeteverythingelseandgivemyselfovertohimagain.
Now,thankstoAnya’sstory,Iknowalittleaboutwhatitiscostinghim.Whathehassacrificedforhisfamily.
AndIcan’tfinditwithinmetobemadaboutthat.
“Theonlythingyouneedtoknow,”hesays,“isthatI’lldiebeforeIletsomeonehurtyouagain.”
I’mafraidtobreathe.Thismomentistenuous,fragile.Oneexhalecouldsenditflutteringaway.
Thenhetakeshishandaway.
It’sinstinctual—theurgetobeclosetohim,tonotlethimdrawbackyetagain.Idon’tplantodoit,butIfindmyselflungingforhishand.MyfingerswraparoundhiswristandIpullhimclose.Icradlehishandbetweenmine,staringdownatwhereweintertwine.
“WhatIknow,”Isaysoftly,“isthatyouareagoodman,IvanPushkin.Nomatterwhatanyonesays.”
Histhumbcirclesacrossmypalm,sendinggoosebumpsupmyarm.“I’mgoodtomyfamily,”hemurmurs.“I’mgoodtothepeoplewhofollowme.Buttoeveryoneelse—toanyonebeyondthescopeofthat,toanyonewhothreatensmeortheonesclosetome—I’mamonster.Becausethat’swhatisrequiredofme.”
“Byyourfather?”
“Bythislife.”Slowly,hewithdrawshishandfrommine.“IfI’mgoingtokeepthepromisesI’vemade,Idon’thaveroomtobegoodtoanyoneelse.Idon’thavetimetoaddanyoneelse’sneedstomyplate.”
Ifeelthewallbetweenusgoingupbrickbybrick.Iwanttocry.Weweresoclose.
ButIvanmadeadealwithhisfatherandhewantstoseeitthrough.Hewantstotakecareofhissisterandbeagoodson,evenifhisfatherdoesn’tdeserveit.
Heisagoodman,whichisexactlywhyhe’stryingtopushmeaway.
Butthewayhisheadishangingnowandhiseyesfixoneverythingexceptmyface,Idon’tthinkhewantsthiswallbetweenusanymorethanIdo.Soon,though,wewon’thaveachoice.Theclockisrunningout,andIcanfeelourmomentstogetherslippingaway.
Thatdoesn’tmeanI’mreadytoletthemgo.
IwantIvanrightnow,likethis,evenifit’sonlyforalittlewhile.
SoIshovethecomforterback,risetomyknees,andclimbontoIvan’slap.Whenhelooksintomyeyes,Idragafingerdownhissquarejaw.“Whataboutyourneeds,Ivan?”59CORA
Hishandssettleonmyhips,fistinginthematerialofmyshirt.Hisshirt.“Whatareyoudoing?”
“Youspendalotoftimetalkingaboutwhateveryoneelseneeds.Iwanttotalkaboutwhatyouneed.”
“WhatIneedistobeamanofmyword.”
“Sobeone,”Isayplainly.“I’mnotstoppingyou.”
Histhumbsstrokeovermyribs.“No,butyou’remakingitreallyfuckinghard.”
Imayhavebeenunconscioushalfanhourago,butmybodyisthrummingnow.Ifeellikealivewireinhishands.
“Youhavesecrets.Iknowthat.ButsodoI.”Iwrapmyhandsaroundhisneckandtracemyfingersthroughhissilkyhair.“Webothhavegoodreasonsnottobehere—nottobetogether.ButIcan’tthinkofasinglereasonwhyIshouldn’tletyoutearthisshirtoffofmerightthissecond.”
Ifeelhishardlengthpressingagainstmycenter.“Forone,thisismyshirt.”Hesmirks.“I’dhatetoloseit.”
“Oh.Okay.”Ireachdownandpulltheshirtovermyheadinonesmoothmotion.Itossitattheendofthebedandturnbacktohim.“Isthisbetter?”
Outside,I’mconfident.Ontheinside,I’maballofuncertainty.
UntilIseethewayIvanislookingatme.
Desireturnshiseyesdark—feral.Hegroansasifinpainandpresseshisforeheadtothesmoothskinbetweenmybreasts.“Cora.”
Mynameonhislipsisanaphrodisiac.Fuelonthefire—notthatitneededany.
Islidemyhipsforwardandback,gentlygrindingintohim.“SomecrueltwistoffatehasbroughtthetwoofustogetherandIsaywemakethemostofitwhilewecan.Untilwebounceoffeachotherandgoourseparateways,whynotenjoythesexualchemistry?”
Heliftshisheadfrommychest,lookingupatmebeneathheavybrows.“Ididn’ttakeyouforthecasualsextype.”
“AndIdidn’ttakeyouforthemonogamoustype,”Ifireback.“You’llmarrya‘suitablewoman’oneday.Butuntilthen,you’remorethanfreetofuckme.”
Hesqueezesmyribs,hishandsshiftingeverhigheruntilhisthumbsbrushagainstthelacematerialofmybra.“Thingsaregoingtogetcomplicatedfast.”
“Thingsarealreadycomplicated.Butthis?”Igrindintohimagain,tryingnottomoan.“Thishasalwaysmadeperfectsense.”
Hegritshisteethandswipeshisthumbsoverthehardpointsofmynipples.Afaintwhimpersneaksbetweenmylips.“Nothingaboutyouhasmadeanyfuckingsense.Notsincethemomentwemet.”
I’mnotsurewhathemeans,butIdon’twanttoask.Notnow.Idon’twanttogetsidetrackedwithanythingelse.
Notwhenheisaliveandinfrontofme
Notwhen,inanot-too-distantfuture,he’llbefaroutofmyreach.
“Thiswillsellourcharade.”I’mbreathlessalready,half-losttothedesirepoundingbetweenmylegs.“Itwillmakeusseemmorerealistic.”
Hishandsslidedownmywaistandwraparoundmylowerback.Iarchintohistouch.
“Unlesswe’replanningtoofferwebcamviewingsofmybedroom,Idon’tseehowwhatwe’redoingrightnowwillhelpsellanythingtoanyone.”
Ifhewantedto,I’dlethimsetupawebcam.Ifitmeanthe’dkeeptouchingme,I’ddojustaboutanything.
Hegrowlsagain,alowrumblevibratingfromhimandthroughme.Iforcemyeyesopen—forcemyselftolookathim.Athisstubbledjaw.Atthetattoosclimbinguphisneck.Atthegoldenflecksinhisambereyes.
Andforjustasecond,I’mforcedtolookatmyself.Atmyownmotivationsforbeinghere.Forsuggestinganyofthis.
Thisismorethanaflimsyfacadeforthesakeof“hismission.”ThisisafacadeforwhatIreallyfeel.ForthefeelingsIcan’tnavigateandwon’tconfess.
Despiteitall,Iwantthisman.Desperately.
ThisisjusttheonlywayIcanhavehim.
Fornow,ithastobeenough.
Ivan’seyestrailovermyfaceandmybody.Then,allatonce,hepushesmebackandprowlsoverme.Hesettlesbetweenmylegs,hishandspressedintothemattressoneithersideofmyhead,cagingmeintohisbody,hisscent.
“God,it’sgoodtofeelyoulikethis,”hemurmursbetweenbitesofmycollarbone.Helooksatmeupthelengthofmybody,hiseyeshooded.“Seeingyouthewayyouwerewasafuckingnightmare.Thisis…better.”
Someoneadmittingtheylikeyoubetterconsciousisn’texactlypoetry,butAnya’swordsringoutinmyhead.Ifherevealsevenadropofemotiontoyou,there’sanoceanoffeelingwherethatcamefrom.
Thisissex.Justsex,Iremindmyself.Hopingforanythingmoreisawasteofenergy.
“Iprefermyselfconscious,aswell.”Islidemyhandbetweenourbodiesandstroketheundersideofhiserection.“Itmakesiteasiertodothis.”
Hedropshisheadontomyshoulderandgroansinmyear.“Fuckinghell,Cora.”
Islipinsidehispantsandgriphim.“It’sgoodpractice,too.Yousaidifpeoplecouldseeushavingsex,they’dhavenodoubtaboutourrelationship.Maybeweshouldgiveitatry.”
Alaughhissesbetweenhisclenchedteeth.“Reconsideringmywebcamidea?”
“I’mtoyingaroundwithit.”
Atthenextslowpullofmyhand,Ivangentlypresseshisteethintomyshoulder.“Keeptoyingwithit,then.”
Hislipsfindtheirwaytomyneckagain,buthemovesslowly.Asifwehaveallthetimeintheworldtobehere.Toexploreandtouchandkiss.Andlaugh.
That’sthefunnything:allittakesisonelookatIvantoknowthathewouldbegreatinbed.Buttheeasybanter,thelaughter—thatwasunexpected.That,morethananything,makesithardtokeeptheyearninginmychestintheboxwhereitbelongs.
Hegrowlsoutacurseandthenslidesawayfrommytouch.Hiseyesarenearblackashekisseshiswaydownmystomachandlower.Hetugsattheelasticofmypanties,draggingthelacedownmythighsandthenshovingthemdowntotheflooralongwithhisownpants.
Iwatchhimwithmymouthopen.He’ssofuckinggorgeous.Itstillblowsmymindthatthismanchoseme.
Thenhepouncesagainandallthoughtsgoflyingoutofmyhead.
Whenhehooksmylegsoverhisshouldersandlowershisfacetomypussy,Ialmostbuckusbothoffthebed.Hefeastsonme,lickingandsuckinguntilmyhandsarefistedinthesheetsandI’mthrashing.Mythighsclampdownaroundhisearsasthesensationbecomestoomuch.
IthreadmyfingersthroughhishairandridehimwhileIcomeundoneagain,again,again.
Whenhefinallyliftshishead,awickedsmileonhislips,myheartstutters.
Iwantmore.
Morethanhisbody.Morethanmind-blowingsex.
Iwantallofhim.Thewarrior.Theprotector.Theleader.Thecharmer.
IwanteveryiterationofIvanPushkin,andasmuchasItrytopushthatinconvenienttruthtotheside,it’simpossibletoignorewhenhe’ssmilingupatmelikethis.
“ScreamlikethateverytimeItouchyouandwe’llhaveeveryonefooled.”
“DidIscream?”Ididn’trealizeit,butI’mnotsurprised.Theorgasmisstillebbingaway,aftershocksstillshiveringthroughme.
Henods,keepingmylegshookedoverhisshouldersashecrawlsupmybody.“Don’tworryifyoumissedit.You’reabouttodoitagain.”
BeforeIcananswer,hefillsmeinonethrust.
Iclawathisshoulders,tryingtobringhimcloser.Toburymyfaceinhisnecksohecan’tseewhatthisisdoingtome.Butwithmylegsoverhisshoulders,thisisascloseaswecanget.Closeenoughthathecanseeeveryfleetingemotionasitcrossesmyface.
Icanseethesweatglisteninginthehollowsofhisthroat.Iwatchhisjawflexwitheachthrust.Worse,IseehimstudymethesamewayI’mstudyinghim
AndwhenIvanlooks,heseeseverything.
“Takethisoff.”Igrabawkwardlyathisshirt,pretendingIcareaboutitwhilehe’sfillingmeagainandagain.
Ivandeftlyslidesmylegsoffhisshouldersandleansback,tugginghisshirtoffwithonemove.
Ireachforhim,gratefulforthepositionchangeuntilIgotoloopanarmaroundhiswaistandfindalargebandagethere.It’stapedoverhisribsandwrappedpartiallyaroundhisback.
“Whathappened?”
Heglancesdownandthenshrugsitoff.“Nothing.”
“That’snotnothing.That’sahuge—”Ilosemyvoiceasheslidesintometothehilt,ourbodiesslappingtogether.Ipressahandtohischest.“Isthatfromtonight?Didyougethurt?”
Anyasaidhewasgrazed.Iimagineditlikearoadrash.Buthisbandageisbiggerthanmyentirehand.
“Itwasabulletgraze.I’mfine.”
Ipressapalmtohisside,andhewinces.“That’snotfine,Ivan!Heshotyou!Yousavedme,butheshotyou.”
Hegrowlslowinhisthroat.“It’sagraze.Andwecantalkaboutitlater.”
Topunctuatethepoint,hedrawshishipsbackandslamsintomeagain.
“Youshouldn’thave—Youhavesomanypeoplewhocareaboutyou.”It’sastruggletokeepmyvoicesteadywhenmybodyisfightingtogetclosertohim.“Idon’twantyoutodietosaveme.Myfamilyisn’tlikeyours.Thereisn’tanyonewhocaresaboutme.Youshould—”
Hehaulsmeagainsthiminaninstant,draggingmeoffmybacksowearekneelingtogether,chesttochest.“Forfuck’ssake,solnishka.I’veexplainedthistoyouoverandoveragain.”
“Explainedwhat?Idon’tknowanything.Noneofthismakesanysensetome.”
“Thenletmeclearthingsupforyou.”
Heslidesmybodyupanddownhisthighs,takingmeinslow,steadystrokeswhilehelooksintomyeyes.Hebringshismouthnearlytomine,lettingourlipsbrushwitheveryword.
“IdowhateverthefuckIwant.”
Istarttoargue,buthetakesmylowerlipintohismouth.Histongueswirlsagainstmine,muddyingmythoughtsandmysenses.I’mputtyinhishands.
Hishandslipsbetweenus,thumbcirclingbetweenmylegs.Itipmyheadback,eyesclosed.“Youcan’tdieforme,Ivan.”
“OfcourseIcan.”
Histhrustsareshallownow,butIfeellikehe’stouchingthedeepestpartofme.Iwanttostaylikethiswithhimforaslongaspossible.Forever,ifIhadmyway.
ButIdon’thaveforever.
Wemightnotevenhavetomorrow.
SoIclingtothebleedingedgeofnow.WerocktogetheruntilI’mrollingmyhipsagainsthimandcryingouttotheceiling,dizzywithpleasure.
Slowly,Ivanlaysmebackonthemattress.Hefistsahandinmyhairaswecollidetogether.Once,twice,andagainandagainuntilhepantsoutacurse.
Itracetheswirlingtattoosonhisarmsashespillsintome.Hisbodyflexeswithrelease,thenheletsoutalong,exhaustedsigh.Henuzzleshisstubbledfaceagainstmyneckand,whenhetalks,hisvoiceisahoarsewhisperinmyear.
“IalwaysgetwhatIwant,Cora.AndwhatIwantisyou.”60IVAN
Thisshitwassupposedtobefake.
EverytimeIlookoverather,thelightcuttingthroughthewindowatdifferentanglesasthehourspass,Ican’twrapmyheadaroundit.Howcansomethingthatissupposedlyfakefeelsodevastatinglyreal?
MyphoneisGodonlyknowswhere.AsidefromafewplatesoffoodNileshasleftinfrontofthedoor,Ihaven’tinteractedwithanothersoulinwelloverfourteenhours.We’vebeenfuckingandtalkinganddoingnothingatall,buttogether.
It’smiraculous.Sheismiraculous.
ThefactthatsheisaliveandbreathingnexttomeistheonlythingIcareabout.
Allofwhichisfuckingterrifying.
Isitupanddragahandthroughmytangledhair.Cora’sarmisthrownoverherhead.Hercheekisrestingonherelbow,herlipspartedlikeshefellasleeptalking.Ithinkshedid,actually.
“I’veneverknownaguywhowantedtousetoysinbed,”shesaidafewhoursago,stillflushedfromherfourth—maybefifth,possiblysixthorseventhortwelfth—orgasmofthenight.“They’realwaysafraidthey’llbereplaced.”
“Thenyou’veonlysleptwithlessermen.”
Shesnorted.“Youcansaythatagain.”
“No,yousayit.”Irolledover,alighthandbandedaroundherthroat.“SayI’mthebestyou’veeverhad.”
Heatroseinhercheeks,turningheragorgeousshadeofpinkthathadmesemi-hardagain.Buthergreeneyesfoundmineandstuck.“You’rethebestI’veeverhad,Ivan.”
Someunspokentruthfloatedbetweenus.Sayingitwouldruinthings,soIdidn’t.Neitherdidshe.Ijuststareddownather,watchingasherblinksbecameslowerandsloweruntilhereyesstayedclosed.
She’sbeenasleepsincethen,catchinguponthesleepwelostlastnight.
ButIhaven’tsleptatall.Idon’twanttosleep.Idon’twanttomissasecondofthistimewheretheonlythingthatmattersisthesoundCoramakeswhenIslideintoher.
Because,assoonaswestepfootoutsidethisroom,Corabecomesjustanothercoginthemachineofmylife.Anassetinamission.Apawnonthechessboard
Sheinhalesdeeply,herchestrisingandfallingunderthethinsheetcoveringherchest.Itoccurstome,notforthefirsttime,thatsheknowsfarmorethansheshouldaboutourfamily,butnotnearlyenoughformyliking.
There’ssomuchIcan’ttellher.
Murders,missingpersons,billion-dollarhandshakedealsinsmokybackrooms.Shesawmekillthesniperwhotriedtohurther.Sheknowswhatwe’recapableof.
Butshedoesn’tknowaboutKaterina.Shehasn’tseenthecomplicatedtangleofmypastandIcan’tevenbegintounwinditforher.NotifI’mgoingtokeepmypromises.
SoCoracannevertrulyunderstandmeormymotivations,andIcan’tbewithherwithoutdefaultingonthedealImadeonbehalfofmysister.Whichleavesme…
“Fuckingstuck,”Imutter.
Ireachoutandrunafingeroverhershoulder.Herskinisgoldeninthelateafternoonlight.Ifeellikeademonclingingtothefrontgatesofheaven.Itracetheleanmuscleofherbicep,tuggingthesheetlowerandlower.
Hereyesareclosed,butherlipscurlintoalazysmile.“I’veneverhadtosaythisbefore,butpleasedon’tgivemeanotherorgasm.Inowthinkit’spossibletodiefrompleasure.”
“Whatawaytogo,though.”Iletoutalowwhistleandcurlmyhandaroundtheundersideofherbreast.Icuptheweightinmypalm.Shefitsagainstmesofuckingperfectly.“Deathbyorgasm.”
Hernipplespuckerintopoints.“I’veneverbeeninthiskindofdangerbefore.”
Ipropmyheadonmyfist.“That’sashame.”
“Gofigure.Thebestrelationshipofmylifeisafraud.”
Theinteractionfromthejewelrystorerisestotheforefrontofmymind.Iconvincedmyselfitwasn’tmybusinessbeforesoIdidn’tgetdistractedbyunnecessarydetails.Butthisentiredayhasbeenadistraction.Mightaswellgoforbroke.
“YouandKieranhadmetbeforeItookyoutohisshop.”
Corawinces,thensighsandletsitgo.Sheisstillwearingmydiamondonherringfinger.It’stheonlythingshe’sbeenwearingsincelastnight.“Ihopedhewouldn’trememberme.Iwasinthereonce.Andonlyforafewminutes.”
“Withwho?”It’sanefforttounclenchmyjaw.
“SomeoneIdidn’twanttobedating,letalonemarrying.”Sherollsontohersideandflipsmyhandoversoit’spalm-sideup.Thenshetracesthelinesofmyhandwithameticulousfinger.“Iwon’tpretendtounderstandallofthepressureyou’reunder,butIknowathingortwoaboutfamilyexpectations.Iknowalotmoreaboutdisappointingthem.”
“Sodoyouregretit?Notmarryingwhoeverthisassholewas?”
Shearchesabrow.“Howdoyouknowhewasanasshole?”
Iarchabrowinreturn.“Well,washe?”
“Yes.”Shelaughs.“Heabsolutelywas.Andno,Iabsolutelydon’tregretrunningaway.”
PiecesofCoraclicktogether.Herrefinedmannersandunderstandingofmyworldpairedwithherjobasawaitressinthatshitheapofarestaurant.Shewassomeoneinapreviouslife.Sheranawayfromit…
AndIdraggedherrightbackin.
“Earlier,yousaidyoudon’thaveanyonewhocaresaboutyou.”
Shewrinkleshernose.“AllIwantedwastobefree.Now,Iam.Nothingelsematters.”
“‘Free’?IseemtorememberyoutoldmeIwasholdingyouhostagehere.”
“Areyougoingtokeepquotingmywordsbacktome?”Shepokesmeplayfullyinthechest.“Iwas…adjusting.”
“Andnow?”
Shesmilessowidehereyesarealmostclosed.“I’dsayI’veadjusted.”
Shestretchesherarmsoverherheadandyawns.Hereyesarepuffywithsleepandtherearepillowcreasesonhercheek.
Lyingnexttoherlikethisfeelsmoreintimatethansex.There’ssomethingvulnerableaboutwakingupnexttosomeone.
IneverthoughtI’dlikeitthismuch.
“It’snotthefirsttimeI’vebeenheldhostage,”sheexplains.“ItisthefirsttimeI’mnotmadaboutit.”
“Howflattering.”
“Tellingyouyou’rebetterthanmystepdadisn’tmuchofacompliment.Hesetthebarsolowit’sbasicallyinhell.”Shegivesmeawrysmile.“Ipreferredlivingonthestreettolivinginhismansion.”
“Ididn’tknowyoulivedonthestreets.”
“Onlyforayear,”sheexplains.“Myrealdadleftandmymomwasstruggling.Shemarriedhimwithoutapennytohername.Whenheleft,hetookeverything.”
“Fuckhim.”
Shesnorts.“That’sexactlywhathisnewwifedid…whilehewasstillmarriedtomymom.Shegotpregnantandhebailed.”
WhenYashatoldmeCora’sdadhadabandonedher,Iwaspissed.Now,Ialmostfeelbadforhim.HegaveupCora.
Whatafuckingidiot.
“So,yeah,”shecontinues.“WebouncedfromsheltertoshelteruntilMomwasabletogetajobasasecretaryatthisaccountingfirm.Mystepdadwalkedintoherworkonedayandthatwasthat.Itwouldbearomanticstoryifhewasn’tsuchaprick.”
“Doeshehavekidsofhisown?”
“No.Butdon’tworry,heviewedmeasthedaughterheneverhad.”Sherollshereyes.“Heremindedmeofthatoften.Usuallywhenhewastryingtopimpmeoutformoney.”
Igorigid.“Hedidn’t—”
“No.”Shelaysahandonmyarm,soothingmebackdownintothemattress.“Notliterally.ButhemadesureImetthesonsofeveryrichfriendhehad.Thesonsofmenhewantedtoworkwith.Iwasthesign-onbonus.”
“Welcometotheclub,”Isay.“IwasbornunderstandingthattheonlyreasonIexistedisbecausemyfathercouldn’tfigureouthowtomakehimselfimmortal.Someonehadtotakeovereverythinghe’dbuilt.”
“Doyouthinkthatmadeiteasier?Beingbornintoit?”Shesighs.“Imean,it’sfucked-upeitherway.Butsometimes,IwonderwhatmylifewouldlooklikeifI’dbeenbornintothisworld.IfI’dbeenraisedknowingthatIwasgoingtomarryrichandspendmylifebeingsomemillionaire’sarmcandy,maybeIwouldthinkitwasnormal.MaybeI’dbemarriedrightnow.Pregnant,even.I’dspendmydaysshoppingandsupervisinghouseholdstaffandwarminghisbedeverynight.”
Shefrowns.I’mpositiveimagesofhernexttoherassholeex-fiancéareflashingthroughhermindrightnow.Somepossessivepartofmesnarlsatthemereideaofanothermandaringtosetfootinherhead.
Igrabherchinandbringhereyestomine.“Thatwouldneverbeyou,Cora.”
“Howdoyouknow?”
“Becauseyouwouldroastthosepoorbastardsalive,nomatterhowmanytheytriedtosetyouupwith.Somepeoplejustcan’tbecontained.Youareone.”
“Youmakemesoundlikeawildanimal.”Obviousamusementdancesonthecurveofherlips.
“Afterthenoisesyoumadelastnight,theshoefits.”
Shechokesonalaughandslapsmyarm.“Idon’trememberyoucomplainingaboutanythinglastnight!”
Icatchherhandandpressittomychest.“I’mnotcomplainingnow.Juststatingafact.PoorNileshasbeenscandalized.”
“OhGod.”Sheburiesherfaceinthepillow—mypillow.“Ihopehedidn’thearus.”
Ifhedid,hedefinitelybelievesinourrelationshipnow.
Thetroubleis…Imightbestartingtobelieveinit,too.61IVAN
We’restilllyinginbedafewminuteslaterwhenmydoorburstsopenandmysistercomesbarrelingin.
“Whereinthehellhaveyoubeenallday?I’vebeencallingand—”Shecareenstoahaltinthemiddleoftheroom.Hermouthcurvesintoadizzyingsmile.“Oh,”isallshemanages.“Oh.”
Corascramblestopullthecoversoverherself.Ireachdownandgrabthecomforter,throwingitoverherbodyasIglareatmysister.“Doyoufuckingmind?”
Shecrossesherarmsandgrins.“Notatall.”
Thebubblepops,justlikethat.Theconeofsilencethathasbeenaroundmyroomformostofthelasttwenty-fourhoursevaporates.Asquicklyasitdisappeared,allthenoiseofmylifecomesracingbackin.
Ineedmyphone.
Yashahasprobablytextedme.
Myfatherwillwantanupdate.IfIdon’tassurehimI’mtrackingdownthepeopleresponsibleforthis,allmyplansarefornothing.
AndAnya…
Mysisteristhrilledrightnow.WhichisexactlywhysheisthelastpersonIwantedtoseemelikethis.Asifherdelusionalhopesweren’talreadymisplaced,hermatchmakingwillbeinsufferablenow.
Ithrowapillowather.“Getthefuckout,Anya.”
“Youtwoarereallytakingthischaradeseriously,”sheteases.“Idon’tthinkyouneedtopretendeveninthebedroom.Unless…youaren’tpretending.”
Corapullsherkneestoherchestandmumbles,“it’sjustpractice.”
It’snotbelievable.Wedroppedanypretenseaboutwhatthiswasandwhatweweredoinghoursago.Butstill,hearingthewords…
Thefantasyfades.
Ididn’tevenrealizeI’dbeencreatingone.ButwithCora’sbodywarmingthesheetsnexttome,mymindbegantospinatale.
AworldwheresheandIcouldbetogether.Whereassassinsweren’tafterhereverytimeweleftthehouse.Wheremyfatherkepthismouthshutandhisnoseinhisowngoddamnbusiness.
ArealitywhereIcouldwakeupnexttothiswomanandfallasleepnexttoherandIdidn’thavetoworryaboutherbeingrippedoutofmygraspingfingersineveryminuteinbetween.
Thiscouldneverbemylife.Itwillneverbemylife.
It’sbettertoacceptthatnowandfocusonwhattrulymatters.
“Ifyouneedsomething,spititout,”Igrowlatmysister.“I’dliketoputmyclotheson.”
Anyawrinkleshernoseandshootshergazeuptowardstheceiling.“Neitherofyouwereansweringyourphones.I’vebeentextingyouallday.”
“Oh,shit!”Corapatsthebedasifherphonemightbehidingunderthecoverssomewhere.“Icompletelyforgotabout—”
“Abouttheworldbeyondthatbed,apparently,”Anyamumbles.
Coraflushes.Ishiftforwardtomovebetweenherandmysister.“YoucouldhavetextedYasha.”
“Idid!”sheargues.“Hetoldmeyouwerebothbusy.”
“Andyet…”Igesturetoherwithbotharms.“Hereyouare.”
“Yeah,butonlybecauseIhaveasurpriseandit’stimely.Ididn’thavetimetowaitforyoutocomecrawlingoutofyourroomwheneveritpleasedyou.”
“Iloathesurprises.”
“Whichiswhyitisn’tforyou,”Anyasayssmugly.SheleansaroundmetogrinatCora.“It’sforher.”
“Me?”Coraasks.
“Yep.Unlessthere’sanotherwomanhidinginthatbedsomewhere…?”
“Iftherewas,wouldyouleave?”Igrowl.
Sherollshereyes.“Areyoufeelinguptoit,Cora?Iask,butgivenwhatyou’veobviouslybeendoing…”Anyacirclesafingeraroundthetwoofusandthebed,formingaheartshapeintheair.“…I’mguessingyou’refeelingalotbetterthanwhenIleftyesterday.”
“Anya…”Iwarn.
Sheholdsupherhandsinsilentsurrender.“I’veplannedalittlenightoutforme,Cora,and—”
“No.”ThewordisoutofmealmostbeforeIcancomprehendwhatAnyaissaying.“Corahasleftthehousetwiceinthelastweekandbeenattackedbothtimes.Sheisn’tgoinganywhere.”
Anya’sbrowsarchnearlytoherhairline.“Okaaay.OrwecouldletmefinishwhatIwasgoingtosaybeforejumpingtorashconclusions.”
Coralaysahandonmyshoulderandslidesclosertome.Herbarethighbrushesagainstmyhipandmyentirebodytightens.
Idon’twantherleavingthishouse,butitispainfullyclearshehastoleavethisbed.Oneofushasto,anyway.AllthistimewithCorahasmyheadspinning.Ineedtogetbackonsolidgroundimmediately.
“I’mnotsureI’mupforgoingoutagainsosoon,”Corasayscarefully.
AnyawatchesmewithsomethinglikeconcerninhereyesbeforesheshiftsherattentionbacktoCora.“Icompletelyunderstandthat,butIthinkyoubothshouldhearmeout.I’vetakenprecautions.”
“Itookprecautions,”Iremindherharshly.“Itwasn’tenough.”
Cora’shandslidesfrommyshouldertomyelbowandsqueezes.Asilentcomfort.Anattempttoeasethestorminsideofme.
Shehasnoclueshe’sonlymakingitworse.
Ishiftawayfromher,leaningbackagainsttheheadboard.Shepullsherhandbackintoherlap.
“Okay,”Anyasays,ignoringmyprotests.“SoIsetitupatTheCoop.”
“TheCoop?”Isnort.“Abso-fucking-lutelynot.Thatplaceismassiveand—”
“Andclosedforaprivateeventtonight.”Anyabatsherlashesatmeratheraggressively.“Myprivateevent.ButRoostersaidhe’ddoublesecurityasapersonalfavortoourfamily.”
It’sCora’sturntosnort.“YouguysknowsomeonenamedRooster?”
“He’sareallyniceguy,”Anyareassuresher.“Totallytrustworthy.He’sbeenafriendofoursforyearsandhe’sdoingmeahugefavorbyclosingtheplacedowntonightfortheevent.”
“Whatkindofevent?”Coraasks.
Anyahesitatesforonlyasecondandthensagswithagroan.“Iwantedittobeasurprise,butit’sobviousthatisnotgoingtofly.”
“Itwon’tflynomatterwhatyoutellus.”
Shenarrowshereyesatme.“ItoldyouI’vetakenprecautions.YashasaidhecouldfigureoutsecurityinadditiontowhatRoosterhasplanned.Thatplaceisgoingtobecovered,andIwon’ttakemyeyesoffofherallnight.”
Coraraisesherhand.“Hey,hi,hello.Stillnocluewhatyou’retalkingaboutoverhere.”
“Oh,right.Sorry.I’mplanninga…”Anyaslapsherownthighsinasloppydrumroll.“Bacheloretteparty!”
Thesilenceisweighted,expectant.Anyawasclearlyanticipatingmoreofanenthusedresponsefromus.
“Comeon!”sheurges.“Itwillbefun.We’llgetreadyatmyhouse,havedinner,andthengostraighttotheclub—whichwillbesurroundedbysecurity.Onlyfamilyandfriendsallowedinside.Itwillbeperfectlysafe.”
Corasighs.“Butwearen’tevengettingmarried.”
“Right,butpeoplearesupposedtothinkthatyouare.”Anyasnapsherfingers.“We’remaintainingarusehere,leadingpeopleastray.Keepup.”
“WhowouldIeveninvite?Idon’thaveanyfriendshere.”
Anyajerksbacklikeshewasphysicallyslapped.“Firstofall,howdareyou.”
“Ididn’tmeanyou!”Corainsistsinhorror.
Anyawavesheraway,alreadysmiling.“Forgiven,butnotforgotten.Secondofall,I’minvitingFranciaandJorden.Thosegalsneedtogetoutofthehouse,too.Theyhaven’tbeennearlyas…occupied…asyouhavebeen.”
“Theyalsohaven’thadaclosebrushwithmurder,”Iremindher.“Corahasn’tbeenonsomevacation.Ifthey’recomplaining,thenthey’reungrateful.”
“Ihaven’tspokentoeitheroftheminawhile,”Corasayssoftly.“I…forgotaboutthem,honestly.God,I’mashittyfriend.”
“You’vebeenpreoccupied,”Igrowl.
“Andnow,you’renotpreoccupied,”Anyaburstsin.“Youhavenothingbuttime,andIthinkweshouldmakethemostofyourcontinuedsurvivalandcelebratealittlebit.”
Coraischewingonherlowerlip.Iknowshe’sonlymullingitoverbecauseshefeelsbadaboutditchingFranciaandJorden.Andshe’sprobablyworriedaboutnotconsideringAnyaafriend,eventhoughmysisterismadeofmuchtougherstuffthanthat.Still,Corawouldliterallythrowherselfonaswordforthepeopleinherlife.
It’sanadmirablequality—evenifitmakesmewanttoencircleherinplasticwrapandshoveherinapaddedroom.
Sheleansinclosetome.Mybodypressesbackintoheronsheerinstinct.“Willyoucomewithme?”shewhispers.
BeforeIcanevenopenmymouth,Anyachimesin.“Nuh-uh.Nosoon-to-be-but-not-reallyhusbandsallowed.It’sabacheloretteparty.Therewillbedebaucheryheshouldnotsee.Penis-shapedgummiesandsuch.”
“I’veseenworse,”Idrawl.
Anyasighs.“ButhowisCorasupposedtoflirtwithguysanddancewithstrippersandgetfreedrinksifyou’retoobusythrowingheroveryourshoulderlikeacaveman?”
“Nocavemenandnodebauchery.”Corajabsawarningfingerinmysister’sdirection.“Ifanunclothedmancomesanywherenearme,I’llpunchhimintheballs.Imeanit.”
“Nostrippers?Really?”Anyapouts.“Lame.”
There’saratherlargepartofmethatwantstoshovemysisteroutoftheroom,lockthedoor,andstayinherewithCorafortherestofforever.Lifewouldbealotsimplerifnothingbeyondthismattered.
Buttoomuchshitmattersformetodothat.Ican’tbedistracted,butthelongerwespendinhere,themoreatriskIamoflosingfocusinawayImayneverbeabletogainback.
It’slongpasttimetocutthecord.62IVAN
IneedmorethanashowertowashCoraoffofme.
Hersmelliseverywhere.Shehasinvadedeveryfiberofmybedroom.Everythoughtinmyhead.I’mstrippingthesheetsinadesperateattempttoexorcizeherfromthespacewhenthere’saknockonthedoor.
“Comein.”Iwadupthebeddingandtossittowardsthecloset.Imighthavetoburnittogetridofthestrawberriesandcreamsmellofher.
IexpectittobeNilescheckingtoseeifthere’sanythinghecanhelpwith,butYashapokeshisheadin.Whenheseesme,hemanagestolookevenmoresmugthanAnya.
“Longtime,nosee,partner.”
“Couldbelonger.”Iwavehimtowardsthestillopendoor,hopinghe’lltakeahintandleave.Buthedoesn’tbudge.
“Ican’trememberthelasttimeyoudidn’thaveyourphoneonyou.Thismightbeafirst,actually.”
IripCora’spillowcaseoffthepillow.ThenIseealongstrandofherhairtangledinthethreadingandthinkbetterofit.Ithrowtheentirepillowintothepile.I’llbuynewones.
“Alotoffirstsarehappeninghere,”Yashacontinues.“AccordingtoeveryoneItalkedto,Coraisthefirstwomanyou’veeverbroughtintoyourbedroom.”
Iwhiparound.“Whois‘everyone’?Whodidyoutalkto?”
“Niles.”
Inarrowmyeyes.“Bullshit.Nilesisn’tagossip.”
“Yeah,buthe’salsoashitliar,”hesays.“IaskedhimifCorawasthefirstwomanyou’dbroughttoyourroomandhetriedtododgethequestion.ButIcouldtell.Shewas,wasn’tshe?”
Changeofplans.Strippingthesheetswon’tbeenough.
Ineedtostripmemories.Ineedtoturnbacktimeandrewritethepasttwenty-fourhours.
Anytimeanyonementionsherorthisweekend,I’llrememberwhatshefeltlikeunderneathme.Thewayhercalfwrappedaroundmythigh.ThescrapeofhernailsonmyshoulderbladesandthewhisperedmoanofherbreathagainstmychestasIfilledher.
Evenamnesiawon’tbeenough.Mybodyremembershers.
I’mnotsureI’lleverfullyberidofher.
“Ifyou’resuchagoodreaderofpeople,goaheadandtellmewhatthismeans.”Iholduptwoveryspecificfingers,oneoneachhand.
Yashalaughs.“That’sa‘yes,’obviously.Consideringthetwoofyouspenttheentiredayinbed—anotherfirstforyou—I’mguessingitwentwell?”
Ithrowtheotherpillowsintotheburnpileanddropdownontothemattress.Somehow,thesmellofherstillsurroundsme.
Yashapusheshimselfoffthewall.“Whyareyouactinglikethisisabadthing?Youhadagoodtime.Revelinit.Sharedetails.”
“I’mnottellingyouafuckingthing.”
MostlybecauseIdon’twanttoencouragehimwhenhegetsinthiskindofmood.
Butalsobecausewhatwejustdidfeelssacred.Personal.IfItellYasha,Imightaswellactuallysetupawebcam.Lettheinternetshareinthedeepest,darkestdesiresofmyheart.
“Fine.Butatleastlooklikeyouenjoyedyourself.Iknowyoudid.”Heleansin,voicelow.“Wecouldhearyou.”
Igrimaceandturnmyfaceaway.“Itwasadistraction.”
“So?”Heshrugs.“That’sfine.Weallneedthemfromtimetotime.”
“Maybe.Butwedon’tallhavetimeforthem.”
“That’swhatI’mherefor,Ivan.Youcanpasssomeofthisshittome.Letmehandleitsoyouhavetimeto…tofuckingbreathe,man.Youneedthat.”
“I’mfine.”
Yashasighsandleansbackagainstthewall.“That’sabadattemptatalie.Butyou’reagoodman,Ivan.”
IhearCora’svoice.Youareagoodman,IvanPushkin.
“Whythehelldoeseveryonekeepsayingthat?”Imutter.
“But,”YashacontinuesasifIhadn’tspoken,“you’reagoodmanwhohastoomuchweightonhisshoulders.Itturnsyouintoanasshole.”
Isnortinsurprise.“Thanks,Yasha.Howuplifting.Ifeelsomuchbetter.”
“Youwouldfeelbetterifyouletyourselfenjoythepleasuresoflifeeverynowandagain.Imean,fuck,”hesays,“itwouldn’tbetheendoftheworldifyoutookaweekendoffeveryonceinawhiletopile-drivesomewomanintothesheets.Arandomwoman…orCora…”Ishoothimawarningglareandheholdsuphishands.“I’mjustsaying,itwouldn’tkillyoutohavesomefun.”
That’sallIwasdoingthenightImetCora.Havingalittlefun.IwastryingtodistractmyselffromtherealitythatIwasgoingtohavetomarryawomanIcouldbarelystand.
Funmightbethedeathofme.Ofallofus.
“Tellthattothemanwhoheldaguntomyheadlastnight.Havingalittlefunalmostgotmekilled.”
“Iwould,ifhewasn’talreadydead,”Yashadeadpans.“OrifIhadanycluewhothefuckheis.”
Isnapmygazetohim.“Youfoundsomething?”
“Yes.Er—no.Itdependshowyoulookatit.ThemanhasnoconnectionatalltotheSokolovBratva.”
Ifrown.“That’snotpossible.”
“He’snevereventakenastrollpasttheirheadquarters,asfarasIcouldtell.Nothing.”Yashashakeshisheadlikehecan’tbelieveit,either.“Iwaspositivetherewouldbesomething,butthisguycameoutofnowhere.”
AfteroverhearingthetwoSokolovguardstalkingattherestaurant,YashaandIbothassumedtheSokolovswerebehindtheattacks.Itwouldmakesense—myconnectiontoKaterinaandthefalloutofourengagement.Plus,Konstantinmadeitclearatmypartythathewouldstillloveformetomarryoneofhispre-teendaughters.Thesickfuck.
“TheSokolovshavetheclearestmotive.”
“Spokenassomeonewhowasn’trunninginterferencebetweenyouandallthewomenatyourparty,”Yashasayswithraisedbrows.“WhenyoupulledStefanosoffofCoraandthenfollowedherupstairs,Ithoughttherewouldbeariot.Whethertheysawitfirsthandornot,peoplewerewhisperingaboutCoraallnight.”
Shit.
“Ithoughtwewerediscreet.”
“Youwerethebelleoftheball.Thereisnowaytobediscreetwhenalleyesareonyou.”
Thatwholenight,allIcouldthinkaboutwashowmuchIdidn’twanttobethere.HowmuchIdidn’twanttogetmarriedtoawomanmyfatherchose.HowmuchIwantedtobeanywherebutthatparty.
AndthenCorawasthere.
Idragahanddownmyface.“ItcouldbeanyonefromthepartywhosawCoraandItogether.SomeonewhofeltlikeIbrushedthemoff,someonewhowantedmoretimewithmeanddidn’tgetit.”
“Exactly.I’mthinkingweconductsomeunannounceddrop-insonouralliesandseeifanyonehasheardanything.”
“Yes,”Iagree.“WaitingforsomeonetoattackCoraagainsowecanquestionthemisn’taplan.Fuckwhatmyfathersays—sheisn’tbait.”
Yashawiselykeepshiscommentstohimself.ButInoticehismouthtwitchintoasmile.“Whoshouldwevisitfirst?”
“Let’sstartontheoutsideandworkourwayin—someonewhohasaleginbothworlds.IwanttotalktoRoosterandLegs.Tonight.”
Now,Yashacan’thelphimself.Hegrins.“YouwanttodropinontheownersofTheCoop,tonightofallnights?Howsurprising.Ican’timaginewhy.”
Iignorehim.“IwantyoutooverseesecurityatTheCoop.Thatway,youcanbecloseifIfindanything.Otherwise,IwantyoureyesonCoratheentiretime.”
“Sure.EithermyeyesoryoureyeswillbeonCoraatalltimestonight.I’llmakesureofit.”
Iglareathim.“Youreyes.I’mnotgoingtointerruptthebacheloretteparty.I’mtherestrictlyforbusiness.”
Yashashrugs.“Business,pleasure—whocanreallytellthedifferencethesedays?”
Ipassbyhimonmywaytothedoorandshovehimintheshoulder.“Ican.”
Ihaveto.63CORA
“Theseare‘yourclosestfriendsandfamily’?”Ihavetoyelltobeheardovertheblaringmusicandthemassivecrowdstuffedintotheclub.
Fromtheoutside,TheCooplookedlikeanyotherclub.Aneonmarquee,blacked-outwindows.Therewasn’talineatthedoor,whichmadesenseconsideringtheplacewassupposedtobeclosedforaprivateevent.Myprivateevent.
Now,Iseethattherewasn’talinebecauseanyonewhowouldpossiblywanttobehereisalreadyinside.ItlookslikeAnyainvitedhalfthecity.
Sheleansinandscreams,thewordsstillgettinglostinthenoise,“OnlythepeopleItrustarehere.You’resafe.Ipromise.”
I’mlessconcernedaboutbeingmurderedandmoreconcernedaboutlong-termhearingloss.
Musicboomsthroughspeakersaffixedtoeverycorneroftheroom.Icanfeelthevibrationinmyfeet.Itrattlesmybones.
WhenAnyamentionedthebacheloretteparty,Iimaginedsittingaroundatablewithfancydrinksandshinydressesandconversation.IwantedtocatchupwithFranciaandJordeninperson,maybegettoknowAnyaabitbetter.
Butitmightbehardtofindatablehere—consideringwomenaredancingonmostofthem.
Thetableclosesttousisholdingtwowomeninsky-highstilettosandbarely-theredresses.TheybothblowakissinAnya’sdirectionandcontinuedancing,agaggleofinterestedmenthrongingattheirfeet.OneofthemennoticesAnya,too.HemustnotbeafriendofLev’s,becausehe’sstaringatAnyalikehewantstoeather.
Jordenshovesthroughthecrowd.Thecoloredlightsflashonherpaleskinandherteethturnavibrantshadeofbluewhenshesmiles.“Ineverwouldhaveguessedyou’dhaveaclubbacheloretteparty,Cora.Thisisamazing!”
“Itis?”
Shenodsenthusiastically.“I’vebeencoopedupforwaytoolong.Ineedtoletloose!”
“I’vebeencoopedup,too,”Franciashouts.Herlipcurlsindisgustasshesurveysthescenearoundus.“Socomingto‘TheCoop’isnothowIpicturedmyfirstoutinginaweek.”
FranciaandJordenjoinedusforapre-partydinneratAnya’shouse.ItwasobviousbythelookonbothoftheirfacesthattheywereshockedbythepersonalchefandthedriverAnyasenttopickthembothup.Apparently,theirtemporarylodgingsaren’tquiteasextravagantasmine.
“Iforgotthiswholearrangementmeantyouwerelivinginamansion.”Jordenelbowedmeintheribsaftershearrived.“That’swhywehaven’theardfromyou.You’retoobusylivingthehighlife.”
“I’vejustbeennormalbusy,”Imumbled.
Busybeingfuckedup,down,andsidewaysbymyfakehusband.Buttheydidn’tneedtoknowthat.Nomatterhowwellitwouldsellourlittlegame.
Franciastayedquiet.Shestayedquietmostofthenight.
Untilnow.
Ireachforherarm,groundingmyselfinthecrushofpeople.“I’msorry.ThisisnotwhatIhadinmind.Ithoughtitwasgoingtobe…intimate.”
Suddenly,anarmisaroundmyshoulders.IturnaroundtofindYashasurveyingthecrowd.Hishairlookswhiteintheneonlights.“Getasdrunkasyouwant,Cora.I’mthedesignateddrivertonight.”
“No,you’renot,”Jordensays.“Thatoldguywiththemustacheisourdriver.”
“Fine.I’myourdesignated…somethingthatstartswitha‘D.’”Hewavesitaway.“Doesn’tmatter.Havefun.”
Jorden’smouthcurlsintoaflirtysmile.“Iwon’tbeabletofocusnow.I’llspendallnightwonderingwhatthesecondDcouldstandfor.”
HereyestakeanobviousdipbelowthebeltandYashaactuallychuckles.Hook.Line.Sinker.Hedoesn’tevenknowhowfastJordenisreelinghiminyet.Poorguy.
“Shehasn’tevenhadadrinkyet,”Franciagrumblestome.
Themusicismakingmyearsnumb,FranciaandJordenarealreadyatodds,andmyheadofsecurityisgoingtospendmostofthenightfendingoffadvancesfrompeoplewithinmyownparty.Andwehaven’tevenmadeitpasttheentryway
“Let’sfindthebar!”Iyell,urgingusallforward.“Let’sdiveinandseewherethenighttakesus.”
MyenthusiasmwanesmomentslaterwhenI’mtryingtonavigatethroughtheherdsofpeople.BythetimeIgettothebar,I’msweatyandYashaistheonlyonestillwithme.Hestayedpurposefullyclose;IsuspectIvanisresponsibleforthat.ButFranciaandJordengotlostinthecrush.
“Doyouseethem?”Iaskhim.
“Jordenjustputadollardownthepantsofamanwhoisdefinitelynotastripper.”There’satingeofjealousyinhisvoice.“AndFranciasnaggedanopentable.She’sundertheprojectororderingfromawaitress.”
IshouldhavegonewithFrancia.Oneglancebehindthebarisallittakestoseethatitisgoingtobealongwaitforadrink.Besides,I’mnotevensureifI’mallowedtodrinkhere.GoingtothebarwasjusttheonlythingIcouldthinktodo.
ItugonYasha’sarm,tearinghiseyesawayfromwhereJordenisalreadybusymakingnewfriends.“Anyatoldmeyesterdaynottodrinkanythingunlessyou’dcheckedit.”
“Youshouldbesafehere,”hepromises.“RoosterandLegsknowwhat’sgoingonandtheytoldmetheypersonallyvouchforthesafetyofeverything.”
Iwatchthebartenderclosestgrabtwobottles,twirlthem,andthenfillalineofshotglasses.Inthatsamefive-secondspan,anotherbartendernexttoherfillsabeerandslidesapinkmixeddrinkdownthelengthofthecountertop.
Therearesomanybottlesandglassesanddifferentdrinks.EvenifIstartoffpayingcloseattention,I’lllosemyedgebythethirdorfourthdrink.Besides,IhaveafeelingIshouldstaysoberifI’mgoingtonavigatethesocialwatersI’mintonight.
“IthinkI’llbesaferatherthansorry,”Itellhim.“Maybejustabottleofwater?”
Hereachesintohisbackpocketandpullsoutaplasticwaterbottle.“Havemine.Ialreadytesteditforyou.Definitelynotpoisoned.”Hegrabsmyshouldersandpointsmetowardsthetable.“Yougositdown.I’mgoingtogowrangleyourfriendbeforeshegetsherselfintotrouble.”
Jordendoesn’tlooklikeshe’sintrouble.SheissomehowalreadytoastingaroundofshotswithagroupofpeopleI’veneverlaideyesonbefore.
Ivanshouldhavechosenher,Ithink.
Hewouldn’thavetoworksohardtomakepeoplebelievehewasintoJorden.Sheattractspeople.It’ssomekindofmagnetisminherthatdrawseveryonein
I’veneverbeengoodatthatpart—meetingpeople,stayingintouch.IbouncedaroundfrommyDad’shousetoshelterstomystepdad’shousetomyshittyapartment…Needlesstosay,scrapingandclawingtoputfoodinmymouthandaroofovermyheaddoesn’tleavealotoftimeformetomakeclosefriends.
It’spartofthereasonIholdFranciaandJordensoclose.They’retheclosestthingsI’veeverhadtobestfriends.
YashaseesmetothetableandthendivesbackintothecrowdafterJorden.IvanwouldprobablyremindhimthatJordenisnothispriority,butIlovethathe’stakinggoodcareofmyfriends,too.EvenifhismotivesfallmoreinlinewithkeepingJordenawayfromothermenthanprotectingherfromharm.
IdropdownnexttoFrancia.“Nodrink?”sheasks.
“Thebarwaswaytoobusy.”
Sheeyesmywaterbottleandthenturnsbacktothecrowd.“Italkedtoawaitressandorderedeveryonesomething.”Ifshe’stryingtohidehergrimace,she’sdoingaterriblejob.
Franciahasalwaysbeenalittle…proper.Jordenwouldsaystuck-up,butthat’sbecauseshedidn’tknowthegirlsIwasadebutantewith.Isawthemshunlifelongfriendsbecausetheyworethewrongkindofdresstoateaparty.
Franciajustknowswhatshelikesandshe’shonestaboutwhatshedoesn’t.It’sagoodqualityintherightcircumstances.Rightnow,though,itwouldbebetterifshehadmoreofapokerface
“Ireallyamsorryaboutthis,”Itellheragain.“Iknowthisisn’tyourscene,but—”
Shewavesmeoff.“No,I’msorry.I’mbeinganasshole.I’mlikeacat,Ithink.LeavemeinaroomaloneforlongenoughandIstarttogoferal.Iforgothowtointeractwithotherhumans.”
“I’msorryaboutthat,too.”
“Ihaven’tbeenkilledbyoneofIvan’scrazedex-girlfriends,soIcountmyselflucky.”
Iblowoutabreath.“He’sreallydoingeverythinghecantotakecareofme—ofus.Allofthis.He’stryingtofigureoutwhomightbeafterme,andassoonashedoes,you’llbeperfectlysafe.”
Beforeshecansayanything,awaitressreturnswithatrayofdrinksthataremiraculouslyupright.IfI’dbeenforcedtocarrythemthroughthedancefloor,theywouldhaveendeduponthestickyfloor.
FranciaoffersmethesamepinkdrinkIsawawomanatthebardrinking,butIwaveitaway.Sheleavesitinfrontofmejustincaseandtakesoneforherself.
“Isheworthallofthis?”sheasks.HervoiceisalmostquietenoughthatIdon’thearher.“Idon’tmeantopry.“Ijustmean,youcouldcallofftheengagementandbesafe,right?Someoneisonlyafteryoubecausetheydon’twantyoumarryinghim.Soifyoudon’tmarryhim…”
“Thenthereisstillsomeoneouttheretryingtomanipulatehim.Ifitisn’tme,itwillbesomeotherwomanbeingattacked.IfeellikeIoweittohimtohelphimfigureoutwhothethreatis,atleast.”
“Hownobleofyou.”Shegivesmeateasingsmile.“Heseemstobetakinggreatcareofyou.Icanseewhyyouwouldstay.Ijustwantedtomakesurethisiswhatyouwant.”
Myheartclenches.Herwordshitaspotfartooclosetohome.
ThisiswhatIwant.
Nottheassassinsandmasks…butIvan.Anya.Niles.Yasha.
Thesepeoplewholoveintheirownuniqueways.Whocareaboutandsupporteachother.I’veneverhadanythinglikeitbefore.
“Iwantit.”Iclearthesuddenhoarsenessfrommythroat.“He’sworthit.I’veneverfeltso…caredfor.Sosafe.”
“That’snice.”Shesqueezesmyhandoncebeforeshepullsherownback.“Youhavewhatweallwant.Or…whatIwant,atleast.”
Jordentoldmeshewantedasugardaddy.Somerichmantolavishexpensivegiftsonherandtakeherawayfromherminimumwagedays.Francia’sdesiresseemtorundeeperthanthat.There’sashadowloomingoverherI’venevernoticedbefore.
“Whatdoyouwant?”
“Someonewhowantstotakecareofme.”Sheshrugs.“Myparentswerealwaysbusy—workingallhoursofthedayandnighttoscrapeby.Theydiditforme,buttheyweren’taround.Iwasalonealot.Thentheysentmetoaprivateschool.Theyweretryingtogivemethebesteducationtheycould,butIfeltmorealonethanever.Growinguprich-adjacentwithoutactuallybeingrichwas…lonely.”
IcanrememberhowisolatedIfeltatsomeofthepartiesmystepfathersentmetowhenIwasateenager.That’swhereIlearnedthatyoucanbelonelierinacrowdofpeoplethanyoucanwhenyou’reallbyyourself.
“Icanrelatetothat.”
“Ijustwanttofit,”shesays.“IwanttofindapersonwhomakesmefeellikeI’vefoundmyplace.Itseemslikeyou’vefoundthat.I’mreallyhappyforyou.”
It’sstrangetofeellikewe’rebondingwhile,atthesametime,Franciadoesn’tunderstandasinglethingaboutwhatI’mgoingthroughrightnow.
IdofeellikeI’vefoundmyfit.It’slikeIvanandIarematchingpuzzlepieces.Thetroubleis…we’reinthewrongpuzzlebox.Wegotogether,butnothingaroundusmakesanysense.
I’mnotsureiteverwill.
Tearswellinmyeyes.Iblinkthembackhurriedly,hopingFranciawon’tnotice.
“Andincelebrationofthatfit…”Franciagrabsoneoftheotherdrinkssheorderedandholdsituptome.“Atoast!ForyouandIvan!”
Igrabmywaterbottle,raiseitintheair,andsmilemeekly.“TomeandIvan.”64IVAN
ItoldRoosterthemomentIwalkedintothebackroomthatIwasherestrictlyonbusiness.Buttheburlybastardwon’thearofit.
“You’regettingmarried!”Hethrowshisarmswidelikehewantstohugtheworld.“Weneedtocelebrate.Legs,crackopenthechampagne!”
“Alreadydone.”Atall,skeletallythinwoman—theexactoppositeofRoosterineveryway—walksintotheroomwiththreeglassesofchampagnehelddeftlybetweenherfingers.“Whenyoucalled,Iputthebottleonice.Iknewthisoldsoftywouldwanttotoastyou.”
Roosterlooksaffectionatelyathiswifeandthengrinsatme.“Thereisnothingwrongwithlovinglove.Peopledeservetobehappy.Evenrottenbastardslikeus.”Heelbowsmeinthesideandhandsmeaglass.“Takethisanddrinktoyourgoodfortune.Isawyourlittleladyoutthere.She’sabeaut.”
IglanceatLegs,butthere’snosignofjealousyonherface.Shenodsinagreement.“She’salittleshortforadancer,butI’dbewillingtomakeanexception.We’llslapsomeplatformheelsonherandshe’llbethestaroftheshow.”
Roosteralmostchokesonhischampagne.“We’renotgoingtoaskthefuturequeenofthePushkinBratvatobeadancer!GoodGod,woman.Tenyearswe’vebeenmarried,andIstillcan’ttakeyouanywhere.”
“Thereisnothingwrongwithbeingadancer.”Legspinchesherhusband’sshoulder.“NeedIremindyouhowwemet?”
Hepatsherhand,shushinghergently.“No,darling.Iremember.”
Roosterstartedtheclubtenyearsago;Legswashisfirsthire.Shestartedasadancer,butwithinweeks,shewashisbrideandco-owner.They’vebeendoingitalltogethereversince.
Hegothisnicknamefromthebrightredmohawkhewearsallthetime.Shegothersfrom—well,thatoriginstoryisobvious.They’vebeenmyfriendsandalliesforalongtime.
Legssmilesatme.“Butofcoursewewon’taskhertoworkhere.I’mjustsayingshecoulddoit.Ifshewanted.”
TheimageofCoraonastage,longleghookedaroundabarasshebendsherselfbackwards,dressedinnothingbut…
Icleartheimagefrommyhead.
Isetmyglassdownandleanback,onelegcrossedovermyknee.“Doyouhaveanyinformationforme?”
TheCoopisRooster’slargestclubandhisfavorite,buthehasdivesandsmallbarsalloverthecity.Plus,he’sfriendswitheveryone—evenhisenemies.Thereisn’tmuchthatgoesoninthiscitythathedoesn’tknowabout.Itmakeshimaninvaluableresource.
Instantly,thebroadsmileandrelaxedposturearegone.Roostershiftsintohisbusinesspersonaseamlessly.Hiseyesburnlikecoals.
“Iwishwehadmore,”hegrumbles.“Yoursecondsentmephotographsofthemenyou’vecapturedsofar.Wedon’tknowthem.”
“They’veneverstoodaroundoneofmytables,”Legschimesin.“Ineverforgetaface.”
Roosterhangshishead.“I’msorry.Iwishwehadmoretoshare.”
Ishakemyhead.“Don’tsweatit.Yashahasn’tfoundanythingonthem,either.It’sliketheycameoutofnowhereandtheyrefusetotellusathing.Whoeverthey’reworkingfor,they’rescaryenoughthatthesemenknowfailuretocompletetheirmissionmeansdeath.They’rekillingthemselvesbeforewecanevenquestionthem.”
“Mustbesomeonepowerful,then,”Legsmurmurs.
SheandRoostersharealook.Somuchpassesbetweentheminthosefewseconds
Roosterturnsbacktome.“Ididn’tthinkitwasrelevant,but…maybeIhavesomething.”
HetipshisheadatLegs.Shejoinsusatthericketytable.“Itwasafewmonthsago,”shebegins.“Iseealotofmencomeinherewithdifferentwomen.I’mnoprudeandIwon’tturnawayanyone’scash.Especiallyifthey’regoodtippers.IhavetomakesureIcanpaymydancers.That’showIkeepthebest.”
Roostergivesmeanapologeticsmile.“Theshortversion,darling.”
Shenarrowshereyesathim,butnods.“Yeah.Okay.IsawKonstantinSokolovherewithawomanwhowasnothiswife.Theysattogetherforhours.”
GivenwhenIoverheardattherestaurant—theSokolovguardsmakingitcleartheirleaderisn’tpleasedwithwhatheconsiderstobemebackingoutofourdeal—I’mstillcountingonKonstantinSokolovbeingsomehowinvolved.
ButI’mnotsurehowthisfitstogether.
“Iknowthatsoundslikenothing.Gossip,atmost.Buttherewassomethingaboutthemeetingthatdidn’tsitrightwithme.Konstantinmetthiswomanhere,buttheydidn’ttouch.Theydidn’tdance.Hedidn’tevenorderadrink.Theyjusttalked.Attheendofit,moneywasexchanged.”
“Didtheyleavetogether?”
Sheshakesherhead.“Thewomanleft,butKonstantinstayedandheldcourtforanotherhour.”
“Whowasthewoman?”
Shesighs.“Ihavenoidea.Shehaddarkhairandshelookedyoung.YoungerthanKonstantin,forsure.Idon’tthinktheyweretogether.”Legsgivesmeatight,apologeticsmile.“It’snotmuchtogoon,butIhopeitmighthelpdowntheroad.”
Somanyscrapsofinformation.Theoriesandsnippetsandhalf-hints.Butnothingsolid.
It’snotenough.Notnearlyenough.
IturntoRooster.“WhatdoyouknowaboutMarcusSt.Clair?”
Ididn’tplantoaskaboutCora’sfamily.ButIcan’tstopmyself.Justincase.
Hisfacecreasesinthought.Thenheshakeshishead.“Nothing.Idon’trecognizethename.ShouldI?”
“WhataboutAlexanderMcAllister?”
“Thatoneringsabell.He’saregular,isn’the,Legs?”
Shenods.“Tall,skinnyguy.Pompous.Heusuallycomesinwithagroupofmeninsuits.Theydrinkandwatchthegirls,buttheydon’ttip.”Shewrinkleshernoseinobviousdistaste.“OneofthemgrabbedoneofmydancersandIsetthebounceronhim.Theyhaven’tbeenbackinawhile.”
It’snotexactlynewsthathe’sanasshole.Coramadethatclearwiththebitsandpiecesofherstoryshe’sshared.
“I’llkeepmyeyesopen,”Roosteroffers.“I’llaskaround,too.”
IwanttotellhimthatYashahasbeenlookingintoCora’sfamilyforme,andhehasn’tfoundmuchofanything.Nothinguseful.
Thatshouldbeasignthatalliswell,butIcan’tshakethefeelingthatthereissomethingIdon’tknow.Somethingimportant.
“Thanks,”Itellhim.
“It’sourpleasure.We’realwaysheretohelpyou,Ivan.Whateveryouneed.”Hedipshisheadinashowofrespect,grinningagain.“We’reluckytocountyouasafriend.”
“Gotothebarandgetyourselfsomethingtodrink,”Legssays.“Onthehouse.”
Ishouldn’t.
IknowIshouldn’t.
ItoldYashaIwouldn’t.
ButthereminderthatCoraisintheclubjustbehindmechipsawayatthelittlebitofwillpowerI’vemanagedtomuster.
“Youcandrinkforfreefromnowuntilkingdomcome,”Roostersays,sensingmyhesitation.“Withallthebusinessyoursisterbroughtintonight,weoweyouall.”
Ifrown.“Anyamadeitsoundlikeyouweredoingherthefavor.”
Helaughs.“Aprivateeventthisbigmakesdoublewhatwe’reusuallypulling.Yourfiancéemusthavealotoffriends.”
FuckingAnya.Ishouldhaveknownshe’ddotoomuch.Now,Ihavenochoicebuttocheckitoutformyself.
Atleast,that’stheexcuseI’mgoingwith.
“Pointmetothebar,”Igritout.“Timeformetomakeanappearance.”
Roosterhasoneofhismenguidemethroughthebackhallwaysoftheclub.WhenIemergeintothemainbellyoftheplace,Iseeit’sabsolutelycrawlingwithpeople.
“I’mgoingtokillAnya,”Imuttertomyself.
TheonlybenefittothemassofpeopleisthatI’mabletoblendineasily.Islipintothemayhemandcarveapathfromthebartowardsthedancefloor.
YashashouldhavetoldmewhatIwassendingCorainto.Themomenthegothere,heshouldhavetoldmehowmanypeoplewerehere.ButnowthatI’mintheclub,Icanseesecurityateveryentranceandliningthewalls.Plusmyownsoldierssprinkledthroughouttherevelers.
Sheshouldbesafehere.
Ishouldleave.
ButnowthatI’mhere,Ican’tgowithoutseeingher.Withoutseeingformyselfthatsheisfineandhavingfun.
AsIapproachthedancefloor,flashinglightstwirl,momentarilyblindingme.ThenIseethem.
Anya.Jorden.Afewofmysister’sfriends.They’redancinginacircleinthemiddleofthefloor.
NoCora,though.
Iscanthecrowdforherface.There’snopossiblewayshewouldblendin,Iknowthat.Thedaywespentinbedtogetherhasmademeabloodhoundforher.I’mpositiveI’dbeabletopickheroutofacrowd…butsheisn’there.
Justasaknotformsinmychest,Ifeelahandonmyarm.
IturnandlookdownatFrancia.She’sholdingadrinkinonehand.Unliketheotherwomeninthegroup,whoIcanseeareglisteningwithsweatfromhere,Francialookslikeshehasn’tspentmuchtimeonthedancefloor.
“Iheardyouwerebarredfromthefestivitiestonight.”
“Iheardthiswassupposedtobeasmallgathering,”Iretort.
Shegrimaces.“Sodidweall.Yoursisterknowshowtothrowaparty,that’sforsure.”
Idon’twanttochit-chat.ThelastthingIneedrightnowistoentanglemylifeevenfurtherwithCora’s.Oncethisisover,sheandFranciaandJordenwillallbeoutofmylife.Idon’tcarewhethertheylikemeandIdon’tneedtogettoknowthem.
I’mabouttoaskFranciawhereCoraiswhenshehandsherdrinktoapassingbusserandturnstome.“Caretodance?”
Iarchabrow.“I’dtellyouI’mengaged,butyoualreadyknowthat.”
“Ididn’tfigurethatwouldmatter,”shesays.“Itdidn’tstopyourfiancée.”
IfrownasFranciapointstotheoppositesideofthedancefloor.Tooneoftheprivatealcovesthatringthemainspace.
It’sadarkroom,especiallysinceit’stuckedbehindthelightsthatstrobedownonthedancefloor.ButIcanstillmakeoutthefamiliarshapeofCora.Hergoldenbrownhair.Thecurveofherhip.
Andahandtouchingthathip…
Myeyessearupthearmofthemanwithhishandonmywoman.WhenIseehispaleface,practicallytranslucentintheflashinglights,Idon’thesitate.
ItearpastFranciaandmakemywayacrosstheroom…
OnacollisioncoursewithMikhailSokolov.65CORAFIFTEENMINUTESEARLIER
“Ihaven’tseenawaitressinwaytoolong.”Franciagrabsherclutchandstandsup.“I’mgoingtobravethelineatthebar.”
Istarttostandup.“I’llcomewithyou.”
“That’sokay.Idon’twanttolosethistable.Ifwestandup,someoneisgoingtojumpontopofit.”
She’snotwrong;I’mjustnotsureIcareanymore.Maybethepeopleontopofthetableshavetherightidea.Itsurelookslikethey’rehavingfun.Thegroundfloorisatouchlessexciting.
“Maybewecouldgodanceorsomething.I’mtiredofsittinghere—”
“Okay,thanks!I’llberightback!”Franciashouts,givingmeathumbsup.Icantellshedidn’thearathingIsaid.
Sheheadstowardsthebar,andIslouchdowninmyseat.
WhenAnyafirstsuggestedtheidea,Ididn’timaginedancingthenightawayinacrowdofstrangers,butIdidn’timaginebabysittingthetablebymyselfallnight,either.
IcanseeJordenandAnyalaughinganddancinginthemiddleofacircleofpeople.Ishouldhavesuspectedthetwoofthemwouldhititoff.They’rebirdsofafeather,forsure.
EvenFranciaishavingabettertimethanme.Atleastshe’sdrinking.
I’msober,alone,andbored.
IwishIvanwashere.
Franciawastheonlyonesmartenoughtobringapurse,sosheisholdingeveryone’sphones.Maybewhenshegetsback,Icanaskformyphone.Iwon’ttextandaskIvantocome.Thatwouldbepathetic.ButIcouldtellhimhowboringitis.Howmuchmorefunitwouldbeifhewashere.Icouldalludetotheideathatheshouldcomeandrescueme.
Rescuemefromwhat,though?Fromanightoutwithfriends?TheCoopishardlyahorrorshow.Icouldbehavingagoodtime.Ijust…don’twanttobehere.
Acouplebreaksawayfromthedancersandswirlsclosetomytable.Theyalmostcrashintooneofourchairs,buttheyhardlynotice.It’shardtopayattentiontoyoursurroundingswhenyourmouthsarefusedtogether.Theirhandsroamoveroneanother,lipsteasingandtasting.Theyarelostinthemusicandeachother.Free.
Thatcouldbeus.
I’mstilllostinthefantasywhenadarkfigureglidesinfrontofme.Foramoment,Ithinkmyprayersareanswered.
ThenIrealizehowwrongIam.
“Youlooklikeyouneedadancepartner.”
He’stallandtoweringoverme.Hisfaceiscompletelysilhouettedbythestrobinglightsbehindhim.“No.Thankyou.I’mhereformybacheloretteparty.”
Numberone,Ihavenointerestinthisguy.
Numbertwo,it’sgivingmenauseatingflashbackstothenightIvanandImet.
“Thenyoudefinitelyneedadancepartner,”themanreplieswithawickedgrin.
Ismiletightlyandturnbacktowardsthebar.Franciahasonlybeengoneforthirtyseconds,butIwishshewasbackalready.“Idon’tneedanything.I’mjustfine.”
“Youarefineindeed.”Hiswordstakeonasinisteredgethathasmesnappingmygazebacktohisface.He’sstillobscuredbythelights,butIcatchthefamiliarangleofhisjaw.
Andjustlikethat,mystomachbottomsout.
No.No,it’snothim.He’snot—I’mimaginingit.
Thenheleansdown,givingmethefirstclearviewofhisface.
“Mikhail.”Hisnamerushesoutofmeinabreathlessgasp.It’slikethesightofhimknockedthewindfromme.
“Bachelorettepartiesaresupposedtobefun.”Heholdsouthishand.“Comeon,Cordelia.Let’shavesomefun.”
Adrenalinepumpsthroughmeatthesoundofmyoldname.Thenameofanothergirlfromanotherlife.Alifewheremystepfatherhadmebetrothedtothisslimy,snarly,sadisticlunatic.
Ihavenoideawhathe’sdoinghere,butitcan’tbegood.
Idartoutofmychairandtrytolungeforthebar.ButMikhailistherebeforeIcantakeasinglestepawayfromthetable.
“Dancewithme,”hehissesinmyear.“OrIwillmakethingspainfulforyou.”
Yashaishere.He’llfindme.He’llstopthis,justassoonasherealizeswhat’shappening.Untilthen,Ijusthavetoplayalong.
Mikhailholdsouthishandagain.Islowlylaymyfingersinhispalm.
It’safamiliarposition.We’vedancedtogetherbefore.Whenwewereengaged,Iwastrottedoutliketheshowponymystepfatherwantedatweddingsandbenefitsandthingslikethat.
Butthistimefeelsdifferent.
BecauseInowknowwhatitfeelsliketoactuallylikethemanyou’retouching.Tosurgewithelectricitywhenhe’saround.Tobebowledoverbysheerphysicalchemistry.
Comparedtothat,touchingMikhailleavesmenothingbutnauseous.
Mikhailpullsmeontothedancefloorandspinsmeagainsthisbody.Hehasaneasysmileplasteredonhisface.Nosignofthemonsterthatlurksjustundertheskin.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Iask.
“Dancing.Shutyourwhoremouthandfollowalong,”hegrowls,stillsmiling.
Hishandsslidetomywaistandthenmyhips.Hepullsmehardagainsthimandtwistsandturns.
Ilosetrackofwherethetableis.Whichdirectionthebarisin.IknowAnyaandJordenareoutheredancing,too,butIcouldn’tfindthemifIwantedto.EverytimeItrytogetmybearings,Mikhailspinsmeagain.
ThenIlookoverandrealizehowclosetothewallweare.Howfarfromthecenterofthefloorwe’vemoved.
He’sleadingmeintotheshadows.
Itrytopullaway,butheholdsmewithacrushinggrip.“Nomorerunningaway.Notthistime.”
“Whatdoyouwant?”Ihatetheedgeofpanicinmyvoice.IhateitevenmorewhenMikhailsmirks.
“Iwantwhatwaspromisedtome.”Hedragsmeagainsthimandholdsmefirmlybythehips.Hisfingersdigintomyskin.“Don’teventhinkaboutfighting.”
Heglancesbacktowardsthedarkalcovebehindhim.Ityawnsopenlikeacave.IhavethefeelingthatifIgointherewithhim,Iwon’tbecomingbackout.
SoIholdstillandmeethiseyes.“Inevermadeyouanypromises,Mikhail.”
“Didn’tyou?”Hegrabsmylefthandandholdsitup,twirlingmyringaroundmyfinger.“Iputaringhereonce,too.DoesIvanknowthat?”
“Ithasn’tcomeup.”
Lie.Ivanasmuchasaskedmeearliertodayinbed.ItoldhimasmuchofthetruthasIwaswilling.Now,IwonderifIshouldn’thavetoldhimeverything.YashacouldhavebeenonthelookoutforMikhailandmystepfather.Hecouldhaveprotectedmefromthis.Thewayhehasprotectedmefromeverythingelse.
I’manidiot.Ithoughtthepastwouldstaybehindme.Ishould’veknownitwouldn’tdiesoeasily.
Hisjawclicks.“Howlonghaveyouevenknownhim?”
“Itdoesn’tmatter.”
Tellhimnothing.IhearIvan’svoiceinmyhead.Tellhimnotafuckingthing.Keephimcalm.Getaway.
Mikhailglowersdownatme.“Itdoesmatter.Itmattersalot.Answerthequestion.’
“I’mengagednow.Ishouldn’tevenbetalkingtoyou.”
Itrytotakeastepback,butMikhailgluesourbodiestogether.Hiscolognecloysmysenses.“Areyouworriedyouwon’tbeabletocontrolyourselfaroundme,Cordelia?Areyouworriedyourfiancéwillfindoutyourheartbelongstosomeoneelse?”
“I’mjustworriedyou’redelusionalandIwon’tbeabletostopIvanfromkillingyou.”
Iexpecthimtogetmadandlashout.Instead,Mikhailtrailsafingerovermyneck,tracingmyjaw.Ijerkmyheadback.“Ivanistheonewhoneedstowatchhisback.Hetookwhatwasmine.”
“Iwasneveryours!Whateverwehadisover.”
I’mnotIvan’s,either.Notreally.NotinthewayIwanttobe.
ButMikhaildoesn’tknowthat—andIhavenointentionoftellinghim.
Heleanshisheadtothesideandstudiesme,butwhenIlookinhiseyes,Isee…nothing.They’redarkandvacant.Justblackdisks,asemptyasdeepspace.
Hedragsahandovermyhip.“It’snotover,Cordelia.It’sjustgettingstarted.”
Ishakemyhead.“Whatareyou—”
“NowthatI’vefoundyouagain…”Hepullsmeclose.“I’mnotlettingyougo.”
Ishoveoffofhischest,tryingtogetsomespacebetweenus.Tryingtofindsomeroomtobreathe.
“You’reinsane.”
Helaughsviciously.“Youwerepromisedtome,Cordelia.Thedealwemadeisstillon.YouaremyfiancéenomatterwhatliesIvanfuckingPushkinhasputinyourhead.”
There’sangerthere.RageinthewayhesaysIvan’sname.
“Doyouknowhim?”Iask.
Hesnorts.“EveryoneknowsIvan.Forbetterorworse.”
“Howdoyouknowhim?”
“I’mmuchmoreinterestedinhowwellyouknowhim,”hesays.“HaveyoumetBorisyet?”
Mikhailmightaswellbereadingfromanotecard.It’sobviousheandmystepfatheronlywanttoknowhowmuchtroubletheymightbeinwiththePushkinsforstealingmeaway.Howdeephasthisrelationshipgone?HowinvestedisBorisintheideaofme?
Maybethey’lldecideI’mnotworththetrouble.
Ormaybethey’llfeedmetothesharks
“I’vemethim,”Isayevenly.“Borisapprovesofourmarriage.”
Anotherlie.CanMikhailtell?DoesheknowBoris?Ifhedoes,he’llknowthereisnowaythemancouldapproveofme.Butifhedoesn’t…
“Hashefuckedyouyet?”
Igorigidagainsthim.“Howdareyou?”
“Don’tactsoprecious,Cora.Therearerumorsgoingaroundaboutyou.Nasty,nastyrumors.”
“Andyouwon’tgetanyofthemconfirmedbyme,”Isnap.“I’mnottellingyouafucking—”
Hegrabsmyarmwithbruisingforceandhaulsmeclose.“You’lltellmeexactlywhatIwanttoknow.I’mtheonewhomightbereceivingusedgoods,”hehisses.“Ihavearighttoknowwhomyfuturewifehasbeenwith.Whatkindoffilthshe’sgoingtobringintoourmarriagebed.”
Istretchontomytoes,gettingasclosetohimasIcan.“Fuck.You.”
ThenIhaulmyfreearmbackandthrowallofmystrengthintopunchinghimsquareintheface.66CORA
Nooneevertoldmehowmuchpunchingsomeonewouldhurt.
Itfeelsgoodforonesplitsecondtopunchthissmugassholeintheface,becausemygod,I’vebeenwaitingtodothatforsolong.
Butthatthrillisfollowedalmostinstantlybyblisteringpaininmyknuckles.I’mstillshakingoutmyhandwhenMikhailturnsbacktome.
Heturnsslowly.Slowly.So,soslowly.
Hischeekisbarelyredfromthehit,buthiseyesareblazingwithrage.Aveininhisneckthrobsasherisestohisfullheight.“Youlittle…fucking…bitch.”
Helungesforme.Ithrowmyarmsuptoshieldmyself—fromablowthatnevercomes.
Secondsthatfeellikeminuteslater,Icrackmyeyesopen,justintimetoseeMikhailthrowntothefloorbyamassiveblurofblackmotion.
He’scrash-landsflatonhisback.Whenhiseyesrefocus,he’sstaringupatIvaninunholyterror,wholoomsoverhimlikethespecterofdeath.
Istaggerbackagainstthewall.Reliefanddreadpulsingthroughmeinequalmeasure.
Ivanishere.He’sgoingtosaveme.He’sgoingtoendthis.
Ivanishere.WhatwillMikhailtellhim?
IpressmyselfagainstthewallandtrytocatchmybreathasIvanswoopsdownandpicksMikhailupoffofthefloor.Apparently,heisn’tfinishedwithhimyet.
MikhailisastickfigurecomparedtotheripplingmusclesofIvan’sarmsandlegs.HewrapsahandaroundIvan’swrist,buthecan’tpryitloose.Can’tescape.It’snicetoseethetablesturned.Towatchhimsquirmwhilehe’smanhandledbysomeoneelse.
ThemusicissoloudthatIcan’thearmuchofanything.Ihavenocluewhatthey’resayingtoeachother.ButIdon’thavetoheartoknowit’sheated.
Mikhail’seyesarenarrowed.HisgazecutstomeacoupletimesbeforeIvantwistshimaway.
“Don’tlookather!”hebarksoverthethumpingbass.“Lookatme.”
BeforeIcandiscernanythingelse,Yashastepsbetweenmeandthetwomen.Guiltiswrittenalloverhisface.
“Therewasathreatdetectedoutside,”heyellsoverthemusic.“Iwenttoinvestigate.Itwasanotherfuckingdistraction.I’m…I’msorry.”
MyhandisstillshakingwhenIlayitoverhis.“It’snotyourfault.I’mfine.”
Hisfrowntwists.IcantellYashawon’tforgivehimselfforthisslipupanytimesoon.
ThenIvanbarkshisname.“Yasha!”
Withouthesitation,Yashaturnstohisfriendandleader.Towardshisduty.
IvanshovesMikhailtowardsYasha,whointerceptshim.Hegrabsmyex-fiancébythebackoftheshirtanddragshimtowardstwowaitingguards.Thethreeofthemescorthimout.
Whenthey’regone,Ivanstepsinfrontofme.Onlynowistheshockstartingtowearoff.Iwanttoburymyselfinhischestandcry.“Ivan,I—”
Thewordsarerippedoutofmewhenhegrabsmyarmandjerksmeintothenearestalcove.
Thespaceisdark.Eventhoughthedoorstayswideopen,thenoisefromtheclubsoftensinsidethethickwalls.Theairiscoolanddamp.Itfeelslikewe’reinanotherworld.I’mhitwithanotherwaveofgratitudethatMikhaildidnotgetmealoneinhere.
Idon’tevenwanttothinkaboutwhatcouldhavehappenedifhe’dsucceeded.Aboutwhathewouldhavedonetome…
Theentiretimewewereengaged,IknewMikhailwasanasshole.Butheneverscaredmequitelikethis.
Notuntiltonight.
“Ivan,”Istartagain,myvoiceshaking.“Thankyoufor—”
“Whatinthehellwereyouthinking?”
Thefaintglowofthecoloredlightshighlightshischeekbonesandjawlineononeside;theothersidebleedsintoshadows.
Heshakesmehard.“Youcouldhavebeenkilled.Youshouldn’thavebeenalonewithamotherfuckerlikehim.”
Him.Hesaysitwithfamiliarity.Doeshe…doesheknowMikhail?
Thiscouldbeatest.MaybeIvanalreadyknowsaboutmybroken-offengagement.Maybehe’sgivingmetheopportunitytocomeclean.
Butthereisnothingformetocomecleanabout.Ihaven’tdoneanythingwrong.There’snoneedtotellhimanything.ThewomanwhowasengagedtoMikhaildoesn’texistanymore.
Cordeliaisdead.
“Ididn’twanttobe.”
Hisnostrilsflare.“Could’vefooledme.”
Forthesecondtimeinasmanyminutes,I’mabouttohitaman.“Ipunchedhimintheface!”
“Notsoonenough.”
“Oh,I’msorry.”Isnort.“Ididn’trealizeI’msupposedtoassaulteverymanwhoevenapproachesme.”
“Noteveryman,no.Butanymanwhocornersyouinaclub.Anymanwhoputshishandsonyou.Anymanwhoisn’tme.”
Hisambereyespracticallyglowinthedark.Itrytosquirmawayfromhim,ifonlytodrawsomemoreoxygenintomybody.“Iaskedyoutocomewithme.AndIthinkpunchinghiminthefacemadeitperfectlyclearIdidn’twanttobeherewithhim.Idon’tknowwhyyou’remad.”
“BecauseIwasn’tevensupposedtobeheretonight.”Hebiteshislowerlip.Whenhelooksatme,Idon’tthinkhe’sseeingme.He’sreplayingthesceneinhishead—Mikhailcorneringmeagainstthewall,theshadowsbeckoning.“I’mmadbecauseyouweresupposedtobesafehere,butyoualwaysseemtofindyourselfintrouble.”
Iswallowdownangrywords.MostlybecauseIdon’tthinkIhavetheenergytospeaktothem.Notwhenit’stakingeveryounceofstrengthjusttokeepfromshivering.“Iwastakingcareofit.”
ButmyvoicesoundsasweakasIfeel.Itisn’ttrue.
Thisaltercationtonightisn’tlikethenightIvanandImetathisparty.Thatman,Stefanoswhatever,wasadrunknuisance,butoneIcouldhandle.Buttonight…withMikhail…
Iwasintrouble.
Ididn’thaveachoice.Heforcedmeawayfromeveryonelikeitwaseasy.Hemadeitlooklikeweweredancing.AnyonewhosawustogetherprobablythoughtIwantedtobethere.
Iwashelpless.
Andthenwhat?Wouldanyonehaveseenusleave?IfIturnedupmissing,wouldIvanthinkIranawayfromhim?
Thereareworsequestions,too.Mikhailfoundme.Iranaway.Ichangedmyname.Buthefoundmeanyway.
Whichmeansmystepfatherwon’tbefarbehind.
Myheadswimswithfear.I’msplitbetweentheurgetosprintoutofthisroomandrunforthehillsorcollapseintoapileonthefloor.
WhatamIsupposedtodo?
“Cora.”Ivan’svoiceisfirm.Heplucksupmyhandsandplacesthemflatonhischest.“Breathe.”
Myinhaleisraspy.Iwanttodoitbetter,butIcan’t.Ican’tbreathe.I’mgoingtosuffocatehere,drowninginuncertainty.
WhocanItrust?
WillIeverbesafeagain?
“Nooneisgoingtohurtyou,”hegrowls.“NooneisgoingtolayahandonyouwhileI’maround.”
Hishandsonmybodyfeelsoright.Soreal.HeistheonlypersonIwantnearmerightnow.TheonlypersonItrust.
Heduckshishead.“Tellmeyou’realright.”
Ican’t.I’mnotalright.ButIwanttobe.Atleastforalittlewhile.
Igrabhisarmandarchagainsthim.“Dancewithme.”
Hisdarkbrowspinchtogether.Concernflickersacrosshisface.ButIpullhimtowardsthealcovedoorandbackintothemainclub.Hecomeswillingly.
Whenwemakeittotheedgeofthecrowd,Iturnaround.Ifeelhisbodyagainstmyback.Hisbreathonmyneck.“Cora…”
It’saquestion.Awarning.Apromise.
Ireachbackandhookmyhandaroundhisneck.“Ijustwanttobeherewithyou.Foralittlewhile.”
Hehesitatesforasecond.Thenhegrabsmyhandandtwirlsmearoundsowearefacetoface.“Wecanstayhereaslongasyoulike.”
Forever,Ithink.Howaboutforever?Foreversoundsnice.67IVAN
IholdCorainmyhandsandtrytoforgetthelookonherfacewhenIfoundher.Thedeepwelloffearthatopenedinhereyes.
Itwasmorethanthefearofawomancorneredbyaman.Shelookedterrified
WhatdidMikhailSokolovsaytoher?Whatdidhewantwithher?
Coraisclingingtome,spinningandswayingasthemusicblaststhroughthespeakers.It’ssoloudthatIcan’tthinkaboutanythingbeyondthebeatandtherhythmofherbodyagainstmine.
Iholdhertighteraftereverysong,remindingmyselfthatsheishere.Sheissafe.She’sbreathingandaliveinmyarms.
Fornow.
Butevennow,Ifeeleyesonus.Onher.
Wekeeptotheedgeofthedancefloor.Thecrowdofmysister’sthousandclosestfriendsgiveusawideberthoutofrespectforme,butIfeelthemwatching.Wondering.
Igripherwaistandslidemyhandsaroundtotheexposedskinofherlowerback.Icurveheragainstme,urgingourhipstogether.
Thechestnutwaterfallofherhaircatchesthelight.Herskinrippleswithshiftingcolors.She’sakaleidoscopeinmyarms.
Irunmyhandupherspineandthenpullherbackagainstme.Mymouthfindshershoulder,hercollarbone.Ikissmywayacrossherskinwhileshedragshernailsacrossmyneckandtugsonmycollar.
Iknowherbodyalmostaswellasmyownatthispoint.Thecurvesandedgesofher.Theplacesshelikestobetouched.Iwanttorevisitallofthemnow.
Yetthereisstillsomuchunexplored.SomuchIdon’tknowaboutherandherfamily.Toomuch.
Ineedtoknowthiswomaninsideandout.FormyBratvaandmyfuture,yes—butformyself,too.Otherwise,thequestionswilldrivemecrazy.
WheredidCoracomefromandhowdidsheteardownmywallssoeasily?
“Ivan.”Shewhispersmynameinmyearasshedrawsahanddownmychest.Herfingerstrailovermyabs,scrapinglowerwiththepromiseofmore.
Oh,right.That’show.
AmongsteverythingIdon’tknow,there’sonethingthatisundeniable:Iwanther.
Igrabherhandfromwhereit’srestingnearmywaistbandandtugheroffthedancefloor.Shedoesn’taskwherewe’regoing.Doesn’tresist.CorajusttwinesherfingersthroughmineandfollowsasIleadheroutoftheclub,throughtheemptyroomwhereRoosterandIjustmet,andintoaservicehallwaybeyond.
Thehallwayisdarkandempty.Silent,exceptfortheconsistentbassofthemusicfromtheotherroom.
Wefalltogetherinstantly.Foreheadtoforehead,wegrappleinthedarkness—foreachother,forawall,forhopethatthismightallendinahappily-ever-after.
Shecirclesherhandsaroundmyneck.Herfingersplayinmyhair.Herthumbsstrokethemusclesthatcurvedowntomyshoulders.
“Ishouldhavestayedinbedwithyou.”Shespeakssoftly,breathlessly,buthervoicestillsoundsloudafterthenoiseoftheclub.“Thingswerebetterthere.Justthetwoofus…”
ToforcedownallthewordsIcan’tspeak,Ileanforwardandpressmylipstohers.
Shegaspsagainstmymouthandthenleansintoit.Ismoothmyhanddownherbacktothebaseofherspine.Thecurveofherassbeneaththeflimsyfabricofherdressissoftandpure.
Ishouldstopthis.
MikhailSokolovwashere.Whoknowswhoelsecouldbelurkingnearby?We’realoneinadarkhallway,compromisedandvulnerable,anditwouldbesoeasytosneakupfromanyangle.
ButthemoreofherItouch,themoreIneed.Stoppingisnotanoption.WhenIlookdownather,thehungerinCora’seyesmirrorsmyown.
“Iwantyou,”shewhisperswithkissswollenlips.“Righthere.Rightnow.”
Thatmakestwoofus.
Inonemovement,IpinCoraagainstthewallandwrapherlegsaroundmywaist.It’snothingliketheslow,lazytourItookofherbodylastnight.ThewayIlaidheroutonthemattressandmappedeveryinchofher.
Thisishalf-crazedandfurious.
Sheunzipsmypantsandwrapshersofthandaroundthehardlengthofme.Idropmyforeheadtohershoulderandreleaseabone-deepgroan.
“Thisisjustlikethenightwemet,”shemurmurs.“Thetwoofusagainstawallinadarkcorner.Me…notwearinganypanties.”
Ipushherdressevenhigherupherthighsandswipemyhandoverherexposedcenter.Overtheevidenceofhowmuchshewantsthis,too.
“Youcameoutwithnopantieson?”Icircleathumboverthesensitivenubbetweenherthighs.Shegasps,bitingonherlowerliptokeepamoaninside.“Ithoughtyousaidnodebauchery.”
“Hm.Idorecallsayingthat.”
“Thenwhatdoyoucallthis?”
Shegrindsherhipsagainstmyhand.“ImeantnodebaucherywhileIwasout.Whilewewereapart.ButI…I…”
Islideafingerinsideofher.“Youwhat?”
“Oh,God.”Hergreeneyesarehazywithlust.“Iwantedtothinkofyou.WhileIwasgone.I…Iwantedtocomebackhometoyoutonight…Ready.”
Thebeastinsideofmepracticallypurrs.
“ButI’mreadynow,”shewhimpers.“Don’twait.Takemenow.”
Icouldn’twaitifIwantedto.IpullmyhandawayandCoraisquicktopositionmeatheropening.SheworksmeintoherwarmthsoallittakesisoneshiftofmyhipsbeforeI’mfillinghertothehilt.
Idriveheragainstthewallwhilesheclingstome.Ipumpeveryounceoffearandrageandlustanddesireinmybodyintothismoment.
TheweightofthenightdisappearswhileI’minsideofher.Nothingmattersbeyondherbreathonmyneck.Theweightofherinmyarms.
Andwhenshecriesout,clampingdownaroundmeasherorgasmpulsesthroughher,I’mconvincedshe’sthesinglemostimportantthingintheworld.
SoIclosemyeyesandgivehereverythingIhave,too.68IVAN
“Isaywebreakthroughthegates.Justplowthecarstraightthroughthewroughtiron.”Yashahasawickedgrinonhisface.“AfterwhatMikhailpulledlastnight,itwouldservehimright.”
“Itwouldalsostartawar.”
Heshrugs.“Evenbetter.”
“AsmuchasIwouldlovetobeinaroomalonewithMikhailSokolov”—ifonlytofigureoutwhatthefuckhewasthinkingattackingmyfiancéeatTheCoop—“I’mnotinterestedinfightingawarontwofronts.”
“Maybewewouldn’tbe.Imean,iftheSokolovsaretheonesbehindtheattacks,thenitwouldstillbeonlyonefront.”
“Whichiswhywe’regoingtodropinonthem.Withoutcrashingthroughtheirgates,”Iadd.“We’llfeelthemout.Seeifanythingisoutoftheordinary.”
LegssaidshegotabadvibefromKonstantinSokolov,whichisn’tsurprising.It’shardnottogetabadfeelingaroundhiscreepy,anemic-lookingass.Withhispalefaceandghost-blondhair,it’slikehejustcrawledoutofhisowngrave.
ButIdon’twanttodiscountherlead.RoosterandLegshavealwaysbeentrustworthybefore.IjustwishtherewasawaytofollowtheleadwithoutleavingCorahomealone.
“Whoisondutybackatthehouse?”Iask.
“AlekseiisinthesecurityshackandDimaisonthemonitors.”Heglancesoveratme.“Areyouexpectingtrouble?”
“TroubleisallIexpectthesedays.”
EverytimeIturnaround,Coraisinthecrosshairsofsomeattack.Ican’trememberthelasttimeIfeltstretchedthisthin.NomatterwhereIam,myheadissomewhereelse…
UnlessI’mwithher.
“Yeah.”Yashasighs.“Isensetroublecoming,too.”
Itense.“Backatthehouse?Ifyouhaveinformation,youneedtofuckingtellmeright—”
“I’mnotworriedaboutCora.She’stakencareof.”Hepeekssidelongatme.“I’mworriedaboutyou,man.”
Iblowoutaharshbreath.“Fuckinghell,Yasha.Don’tsayshitlikethat.I’mfine.”
“Ithinkyouforgetsometimesthatmyentirejobistogatherintel.It’stobeobservantandpayattentiontopeople.Evenyou.IknowyoutoowelltoignorewhatI’mseeing.”
Myskinprickleswithsuddenawareness.“Butyouknowmewellenoughtoknowyoushouldshutthefuckuprightnow.”
Anyoneelsewouldbackdown,butYashajustlaughs.“That’strue.AndIwill…butnotuntilIsay—”
“Nothing.Weneedtoprepforwhatwe’regoingtosaytoKonstantinwhenwe—”
“—DonPushkinisnevergoingtoapproveofCora,”hefinishes,ignoringme.“He’llneveragreetoherjoiningthefold.”
Isnaptowardshim,fistclenched.“Nooneisaskinghimtoapproveofher.She’spartofaplan.Nothingmore.”
Yashapresseshislipstogether,staringstraightaheadattheroad.HemightbeevenlessconvincedbymywordsthanIam.
WewindthroughthehillsuptowardstheSokolovpropertyforseveralquietminutesbeforeYashaspeaksagain.
“Transitionsofpoweraremessy,Ivan.Evenwhenthey’replanned.Evenwhenthepassageisfromfathertoson.”Hedrumshisfingersnervouslyonthewheel.“Sometimes,nomatterhowmuchpeoplewantapeacefulchangeover,theoldguardhastobedeadandgonebeforethecrownfitsrightonanewhead.”
Mysecondistalkingaroundthepoint,butit’sstillimpossibletomiss.
Acoup.Againstmyfather.
Ifanyonebeyondmeheardhimsayit,hecouldbekilled.Heknowsthat.Andyet…
“You’vealwaysbeenloyaltome,Yasha.Moreloyaltomethananyone.Myfatherknowsthatandhehastoleratedit.Butifhehearsevenawhisperofsomethinglikethatfromyou,”Iwarn,voicelow,“evenImightnotbeabletostopwhathe’lldotoyou.”
Yashamakesafinalturnintoalongdrive.Blackgateslikeprisonbarsmartheotherwisepristinelandscapeahead.Asthecarslowstoastop,heturnstome.Themischievoussmileisbackonhisface.“Whateveryousay,boss.”
Weparkandgetout.“Overcompensating,”Yashawhispersaswewalktowardthefrontdoor.
Itswingsopenassoonaswe’reontheporch.Konstantin’smiddledaughter,Kira,standsinthedoorway.
“Mr.Pushkin!”Shesmilesupatme,heradultteethstilltoobigforherthirteen-year-oldmouth.Sheushersusinsidethewayshewasnodoubttrainedtodo.“It’ssogoodtoseeyou.Iwantedtogotoyourpartywithmydadtheothernight,butIcouldn’tmakeit.”
“Becauseitwasafterherbedtime,”Yashamutterstomeoutofthesideofhismouth.
Ifshehearshim,shedoesagoodjobofhidingit.Itwouldberudeforapoliteyoungladytodefendherself,afterall.QuietsubmissionisthenameofthegameintheSokolovhousehold.Inmostoftheunderworld,really.IfitwasuptoKonstantin,hewouldhandhismiddleschoolerovertomeasabride,andshewouldn’tevenknowhowtobegintofightthesickdealoff.
Eventhethoughtofitturnsmystomach.Whatkindoftwistedfucklooksatthislittlegirlandwantstomarryheroff?
Shesmiles,herlipscoatedinapurplegloss.“I’llgotellmyfatheryou’rehere.”
“Noneed.Iknowthewaytohisoffice.”
Kirastopsinthemiddleofthehallway,hereyeswide.“Oh.Well…I’msupposedtotellhimwhenpeople—Hemightbeinameeting.”
“It’salright.He’llmaketimeforme.”
WeturnthecornerandseeKonstantin’sofficedoorclosed.IraponeknuckleagainstthewoodbeforeIshovethedooropen.
Konstantinissittingbehindhisdesk,onelegcrossedovertheother.Muchtomysurprise,Mikhailishere,too.He’sstandinginfrontoftheprivateentrancetotheofficeatthebackoftheroom.
“IguessIshouldn’tbesurprisedyoudidn’twaitformetoreceiveyou,”Konstantindrawls,asenseofforcedlazinessinhistone.“Youaren’tonetofollowtherulesofsocialetiquette.”
“Idon’tliketobotherwithetiquette.NotwhenI’mamongstfriends.”Itakeapointedlookaroundtheroom.“Yourlittlegirlthoughtyouwereinameeting.”
“Kirahasgrownupalotsincethelasttimeyousawher.”
“Isshefinallyoutofherboosterseat?”Yashaaskswithasarcasticsmile.“Goodforher.”
Konstantin’sgazeturnsicyashestaresatmysecond.“TowhatdoIowethepleasureofyourcompany,gentlemen?”
“Wedidn’texpectavisit,”Mikhailadds.“Wordonthestreetisyou’respendingallyourtimewithyournewfiancée.”
Forthefirsttime,IturnfullytoMikhail.There’sabruiseonhisrightcheek—evidenceofthetimehespentwithmyfiancée.
IopenmymouthtowarnhimI’llkillhimthenexttimehetouchesher,butKonstantininterrupts.
“Mikhailtoldmehehadthepleasureofmeetingyourwomanlastnight.Cora,wasit?”HelookstoMikhailforconfirmation.Hissonnodsonce.“Well,MikhailtellsmeCoraislovely.Asyourfriends,webothwishyounothingbutthebest.”
“Howgenerousofyouboth.”
Konstantindipshispaleblondhead.“Butofcourse,Ibelieveifyouwantthebest,thenyouwouldmarryaSokolovdaughter.”
“Wetriedthatoncebefore.Itdidn’tworkout.”
Konstantin’ssmilefalters.“Thedetailsofouralliancewerewrittendown.Ikeptacopy,andI’msureyourfatherdid,aswell.TheverbiagemakesitclearthatyouagreedtomarrytheeldestavailableSokolovdaughter.ThatwouldmakeKira—”
“Achildbride,”Igritout,unabletoholdbackmydisgust.“Doestheverbiageexplainwhyafatherwouldhandhischildofftoagrownman?”
Konstantin’sneckreddens,buthedoesn’treact.“Sheismatureforherage.Ifyouspentanytimewithher,you’dseethat.”
“Unfortunately,Idon’tspendalotoftimewithmiddleschoolers.”
Mikhailleansforwardlikeheisgoingtodosomething.Whatthatmightbe,Ihavenoidea.ImadeitclearlastnightthatIcouldmorethanhandlehimbymyself.
ButKonstantinclearshisthroat.
Alookpassesbetweenthemen.Asharedexpressionthatsetsoffalarmbellsinmyhead.
“Perhapswe’renotreadyforthatdiscussionyet,”themandemurs.
Myfatherwouldinstructmetokeepmycardsclosetomyvesthere.EventhoughIwanttochuckmycardsoutthewindowandwringboththesemenbythethroat.
FuckKonstantinSokolov.Andfuckhiscreepyson,too.
“It’llbeacolddayinhellbeforeIgiveitasecond’sthought,”Isnarl.IgiveeachoftheSokolovmenawitheringglare.“Keepyourfuckinghandsawayfrommyfamily.”
Withoutanotherword,Iturntoleave.Yashafollows.
“Wedidn’tlearnanything,”hewarnsaswemarchdownthehall.
“Welearnedenough.”
TheSokolovsapproachedCoralastnightattheclub.Theirnameshavepoppeduptoomanytimesforittobeacoincidence.IftheyplantomakeanothermoveonCora,I’mgoingtobeatthemtothepunch.
“Okay.Sowhat’sourmovenow?”
“Weexterminatethesefuckingcockroaches.”69CORA
“Icannotbelieveyoulivehere.”Jordenkicksbackinthedeckchairandsurveysthesprawlinggrounds.
We’vebeensittingoutsidesinceshearrived.Nilesbroughtoutatrayoffruitandcheese,andyouwouldhavethoughtitwasalobsterdinnerthewayJordenoohedandahhedoverit.
“Like,acoupleweeksago,wewerejusttworandosmillingaroundwithallofIvan’sotherguestsonthissamepatio.Now,I’mhereasyourguest.Isn’tthatwild?”
“Toowildtocomprehend,”Itellhertruthfully.
WhenJordenfirstshowedup,Iwasrelieved.Iwasn’tsurewhen,ifever,I’dgettohaveheroranyoneelseinmylifeheretovisitme.ButafterthechaosofTheCoop,Ivandecidedhishouseshouldbethesiteofallfuturesocialengagements.AtleastuntilI’mnotactivelybeingtargetedanymore.
NowthatJordenhasbeenhereforanhour,though…I’mexhausted.
Exhaustedwithallthepretensesandthelies.IthoughtitwouldbeeasyenoughtoavoidtalkingabouttheweddingormyrelationshipwithIvan,butthere’salmostnothingelsetotalkabout.
“DidIvanevertellyouwhyyoustuckouttohim?”sheasks.“Asidefromyourobviousbeautyandcharmandwitandvoluptuousass.”
Ilaughandshrug.“Idon’tknow.Beingnakedinhisofficeprobablymademestandoutfromthecrowd.”
“Right.Probably.Buthowmuchwouldthatreallystandouttohim,youknow?HehastohaveseenmorenakedwomenthantheaverageJoe.”
I’vehonestlyneverthoughtaboutit.Andasitturnsout,Ineverwantto.ThelastthingIneedtodoisthinkabouthowIstackupwitheveryothersexualencounterIvanhaseverhad.
“Iwouldn’tknow.Wehaven’texchangedthatdatayet.”
Jordengivesmeaknowinglook.“Everywomanatthatpartywantedtojumphisbones.Youcan’ttellmesomeofthemhaven’twhippedouttheirbirthdaysuitstogethisattention.”
Mystomachtwists.IknowIvanhasbeenwithotherwomen;I’mnotanidiot.Butit’sthethoughtofhimgoingbacktothatmeatmarketthatismoreupsettingthananything.
“I’mjustsaying,”Jordencontinues,“thattheremusthavebeensomethingaboutyouthatstuckout.Somethingspecial.”
“Maybe.Idon’tknow.Hehasn’tsaid.”
“Youshouldask.You’relivingthefairytale,girl.Youmightaswellgetthefullexperience,romanticinsightsandall.”
“Wedon’treallydothat.”
“Don’tdowhat?”sheasks.
“Romance.Itisn’treallyourthing.”
IfJordenhadadrink,she’dbespittingitoutrightnow.“Areyouinsane?You’reengagedtoakajillionairerightnow.ThisisliterallythesetuptohalfoftheromancenovelsIread.”
“Thosearefiction.Thisisreallife.Imean,we’vebeensobusythatwe’vebarelygoneontwodates.”
Shewavesadismissivehand.“Youdon’thavetogoondatestoberomantic.It’sallaboutchemistryandsexualtension.AndIsawplentyofbothwhenyoutwoweredancingatyourbacheloretteparty.”
“Ican’tbelieveyousawanything.Youweredancingandshovingdollarbillsinunsuspectingpeople’spantsallnight.”
ShecacklesatthememoryandgivesmeamischievoussmirkthatremindsmealotofYasha.“Luckily,I’magoodmultitasker.Isawplenty.Like,IsawIvanswoopinandpullthatguyoffofyou.ThenIsawthetwoofyoupracticallygoatitonthedancefloor.”
ThephotosAnyasentmeflickerbehindmyeyes.Myfaceflusheshotandred.“Wewerejustdancing.”
“Puh-lease!Therewerelegitflamescomingoffofyoutwo,”sheargues.“Itwashot.Idon’tevenwanttoknowwherethetwoofyoudisappearedtowhenyouleft…Actually,justkidding.Idowanttoknow.Wheredidyougo?”
Ishakemyhead.“Nowhere.Wewerejusttalking.”
Jordenwagsherbrows.“Youspoketheuniversaltongueofbodylanguage,amIright?”Ihavetobitebackasmileandshesqueals.“Iknewit!”
“Shutup.”
“Never!IneedtoknoweverythingsoIcanusethesametrickstofindmeaguylikethat.Imean,you’rerakingthemin.First,Ivan.Thenthatguyattheclub.Whowashe,bytheway?”
“Who?”
“TheguyIvanpulledoffofyou,”shesays.“Hewascute.AlittleAddamsFamilylookingformytaste,buthandsome-ish.”
Mikhail.ShehastobetalkingaboutMikhail.
Shesaysshesawmewithhim,butifshesawthefullextentofthatinteraction,shewouldn’tbetalkingaboutitsoflippantly.
“Oh.Yeah,Iguesshewasokay.”Myvoicesoundsfarawayinmyownears.Icanhearbloodrushingthroughmyveins
“Okay?”shesnorts.“Ivanhasdestroyedyourstandards.Butwhatever,moreforme.MaybeIcanaskAnyaabouthim.Shetoldmeshe’dintroducemetosomeofherfriendsand—”
“No.”
Jordenfreezes,shockedforasecondbeforeconfusionshiftsoverherfeatures.“No,Anyacan’tintroducemetoherfriends?”
Ishoulddropit.Jordenprobablywon’teverseeMikhailagain.Evenifshedid,he’smadeitclearhe’sfixatedongettingmeback.Idoubthe’dgoforJorden.
Yetthethoughtnagsatme.
WhatifJordengotinvolvedwithMikhail?Insomeways,hecanbecharming.AndifJordenisseriousaboutlookingforsomeonewhocantakecareofherfinancially,Mikhailfitsthatbill.
Iknowfirsthandhowharditistogetoutoncetheysuckyouin.
Iblowoutalongbreath.“Youdon’twanttoknowthatman.He’s…Youcandobetterthanhim,believeme.”
“Didsomethinghappenbetweenthetwoofyoulastnight?”
There’ssomuchIcan’ttellJorden.SomanythingsIhavetokeephiddenfromherforherownsafety.
Butthisissomethingthatwillmakehersafer.
“Yes,somethinghappened,”Iconfess.“Butlastnightwasn’tthefirsttime.”
Shefrowns.“You’refreakingmeout.”
“I’mnottryingtofreakyouout.”ThenIthinkbetterofitandchuckle.“Actually,maybeIam.Butit’sonlybecausethatguyisanabsolutecreep.Youdon’twantanythingtodowithhim.”
“Okay.Ibelieveyou,”shesays.“Buthowdoyouevenknowhim?IthoughtyouandIweretheoutsiderstothiswholeworld.Franciaistheonewhoknowsthesepeople.”
Ibitemylip.“Idon’twantyoutogetmad…”
“Thendon’tstoptalking,”shesays.“I’vebeenwithouthumancontactforthelastweek,andthisisthemostrivetedI’vebeensincethelastseasonofTheBachelor.Spillthebeans,girl.Allofthem.”
So…Ido.
Afterkeepingsomanysecretsandnavigatingthemurkywatersofmynot-really-onandoffagainrelationshipwithIvan,itfeelsgoodtospeakthetruth.
IwalkJordenthroughmymomgettingremarriedtomystepdadandhisexpectationsforme.ItellheraboutmyforcedengagementtoMikhailandhow,inthefinalweeksbeforewhatwouldhavebeenourwedding,Iranforit.ItookwhatlittlemoneyIhad,packedafewchangesofclothesinabag,andleftinthemiddleofthenight.
“…ThenIgotthejobatQuinta?o’sandmetyouandFrancia.Andnow,I’mhere.”
BythetimeI’mdone,Jordenisfull-ongawkingatme,jawunhingedlikeananaconda.Sheblinks,shakingherheadslowly.“Thatisunbelievable.Honestly,ifyou’dtoldmeallofthistwoweeksago,Iwouldhavesaidyouwerefullofcompleteanduttershit.”
“Thanksforyourconfidence.”
“It’sthetruth.”Sheshrugs.“Iwouldhavethoughtyouweredelusionalorsomething.Butnow,you’reengagedtoIvanPushkin.Ifthatcanhappen,anythingcanhappen.”
“Hey!”
Shelaughsandreachesformyhand.“Ididn’tmeanitlikethat.You’reacatch.Ijustmean…well,youknowwhatImean.Oneminute,wewereworkingtheopeningshiftandnow,you’reengagedandbeingtargetedbyassassins.It’swild.TheshitwithMikhaildoesn’tsoundnearlyascrazycomparedtothat.Eventhoughthatdudeisobviouslyastraight-uppsychopath.”
Isag.“Yeah.Hemightbe.”
Thelookinhiseyeslastnightashetoweredoverme…Itsendschillsdownmyspinejustthinkingaboutit.
“Andyourdadwasjustgoingtomarryyouofftohim?”sheasks.
“Stepdad.Butyeah.Hestillwould,I’msure.IfIwenthome,they’dputtheannouncementinthepapertheminuteIsteppedthroughthefrontdoor.”
“Thisjustdoesn’tmakeanysense.We’rewomeninthemodernera.Youdon’thavetomarryanyoneyoudon’twantto.”
Ilookdownatmylap.“It’smorecomplicatedthanthat.”
“How?Explainittome,becauseI’mlost.Whycan’tyoujustcallthepoliceonthesepeople?”
“Becausetheyarethepolice,”Isnap.Itakeadeepbreathtotryandsoothemyracingheart.“I’msorry.Ijust…Ihaven’tthoughtaboutanyofthisstuffinalongtime.”
Jordenlaysahandonmyshoulder.“Whathappened?”
“BeforeIleft,Itriedreportingmystepdadtothepolice.Hewasbasicallyplanningtolockmeinthehouseuntilthewedding.‘Thenyou’llbeMikhail’sproblem,’hesaid.SoIcalledthepoliceandsaidIwasbeingimprisoned.”
“Whatdidtheydo?”
Igritmyteethtogether,thememoryasfreshnowasitwasthatday.“Theysataroundthediningroomtableandhadacupofcoffeewithmystepdad.Thentheyshookhandsandleft.”
“Nuh-uh.”Jordenshakesherhead.“Thatisnothowthatworks.Theycan’tdothat.”
“Theycanwhenmystepdadisoneoftheirbiggestdonors.Hiscompanyboughtthemafleetofnewsquadcarsafewyearsago.”
“Butthat’snotright!They’repaidtoprotectpeople.”
“They’repaidforloyalty,”Ifireback.“Peoplelikemystepdadhaveenoughofthemintheirpocketsthattheygetawaywithwhatevertheywant.It’showIknow,iftheycatchuptome,Iprobablywon’tgetawayagain.”
Jordenslidestotheedgeofherchair,herkneestouchingmine.“Thendon’tletthemcatchuptoyou.”
Ithrowmyarmsup.“Ifthey’rewillingtocomeaftermewhenI’mengagedtoIvan,thennothingwillstopthem.”
“Ivanwill!”shesays.“DoesheknowwhoMikhailis?”
Guiltrisesupinme.IshouldhavetoldhimaboutMikhaildaysago.Idefinitelyshouldhavetoldhimthatnightattheclub.
Jordensighs.“IcantellbythatlookonyourfacethatIvandoesn’thaveaclue.Ifhedid,Mikhailwouldprobablybedeadrightnow.”
Isnapmygazetoher.HowmuchdoessheknowaboutwhoIvanreallyis?
ThenIrealizeshedidn’tmeanitliterally.
“Hewouldhavewipedthefloorwiththatscrawnyman,”shecontinues.
“Ithoughtyousaidhewashandsome.”
Shewrinkleshernose.“ThatwasbeforeIknewthetruth.Now,he’sadisgustingcreepwhodeserveswhateveriscomingforhim.IfIhadmyway,I’dsayIvaniswhatiscomingforhim.Butthat’syourchoice.”
“Soyouaren’tgoingtotellanyone?”Itwinemyfingerstogethernervouslyinmylap.
Shesighs.“No.No,Iwon’t.Butyoushould.IfMikhailknowswhereyouare,thenIvanshouldknowabouthimandyourhistory.Evenifit’sjustsohecanbetterprotectyou.”
“Iknow.”Istaredownattheground,noddingmyhead.“Iknowyou’reright.Iwouldjustratherforgetthatpartofmylifeeverexisted.ThistimewithIvanhasbeenafairytale.Idon’twantittoend.”
“Aww,honey.”Jordenpatsmyarm.“Itwon’tend.YouandIvanaregoingtogetmarriedandlivehappilyeverafterandhavesomanybeautifulbabies.Mikhailwillfadeintherearview.Trustme.”
Igiveheratightsmileanddomybesttomakeitlookconvincing.It’shard,though.
Becauseshehasnoideahowwrongsheis.70CORA
JordenandIarestilloutonthepatiowhenIhearvoicescomingfrominside.
There’ssomuchsecuritymonitoringthepropertyatalltimesthatI’mnotreallyconcerned,butIstillturntoJordenwithafrown.“Weird.Ivanisn’tsupposedtobebackyet.”
Icouldbewrong.It’snotlikehetellsmewherehe’sgoing.Idon’tevenmind;I’dreallyrathernotknow.Asitis,Icanpretendhe’ssafeandcozyinanofficesomewherewithhisfeetkickedup,asopposedtofacingoffwithhisenemiesindarkalleys,wieldingmenacingweaponsanddrippinginblood.
“Hm.”Jordenpursesherlips,doingherbesttolookconfused…andfailing.
“Areyouexpectingsomeone?”
“Me?”Sheletsoutaloud,barkinglaugh.“WhywouldIbeexpectingsomeoneatyourhouse?Thatdoesn’tevenmakesense.”
Iarchabrow.Icanalmostliterallyseethecracksforminginherperformance.“What’sgoingon,Jor?”
Sheshrugs.“Yourguessisasgoodasmine.Ibetit’snothing.Maybeit’syourmanservant—”
“Niles,”Icorrect.“Andhe’dthrowyouoverthesecuritywallifheheardyoucallhimthat.”
Somethingthatsoundslikeabustedshoppingcartwheelsquealsfromthekitchen.Foramoment,IimaginehowIwouldexplaintoIvanthatIwassittingonthepatio,completelyunconcerned,asburglarsbrokeinandwheeledallofhisbelongingsouttotheirwaitingvan.
Istarttositup.“I’mjustgoingtomakesureeverythingisokayinthere.Icangetyouasparklingwaterorsomejuiceifyou—”
“I’lldoit!”JordenjumpsoutofherchairbeforeIcanevenfinish.“Whatdoyouwant?”
Ilookupather,squintingagainstthesunshinehaloingherhead.“Whatisgoingon?”
“Nothing!”sheinsists.Buthereyesshiftnervouslytowardsthekitchen.
Myheartstutters.ItrustJorden.She’smyfriend,but…
Ifthelastweekhastaughtmeanything,it’sthatI’mnotnearlyassafeasIthinkIam.WhatifJordenisworkingwithIvan’senemies?
Itrytoshovetheideadown,butitwon’tbudge.“Jorden,”Isayevenly,slidingtotheedgeofmychair,“ifyouknowwhatisgoingon,youneedtotellme.”
Hergazedartspastmetothekitchendoor.Thevoicesarestillsoft.Ithoughtitwasbecausetheyweredeeperinthehouse,butnow,Irealizewhoeverisinsideiswhispering.
Myheartraterampsup.“Jorden…”
“It’sfine,”sheinsists.Hercheeksareflushed.It’sraretoseeherthisrattled.“Everythingisfine.”
Ifsomeoneisinmyhouse,iteithermeanstheguardslettheminortherearenolongeranyguards.Neitheroptionisgreat,butthere’snothingIcandoaboutitnow.
“Youknowwhat?I’mnotgoingtosithereandwaitforsomeonetobustinand—”
I’mshovingpastJordenjustasthedoubledoorstothekitchenburstopen.
AndAnyaandFranciaburstout.
“SURPRISE!”
IstumblebackintoJorden,whowrapsherarmsaroundmywaistinatighthug.“Sorry.”
Reliefwashesthroughme.“Ithought—Idon’tknowwhatIthought.”
“Theywantedittobeasurprise,”sheexplains.
Anyagrins.“Wasitasurprise?”
“Sheheardyouallsqueakingaroundinthekitchen!”Jordenreprimands.“Icouldbarelykeepherouthere.”
“Waswhatasurprise?WhydidIneedtostayouthere?”
Anyaskipsovertomeandplantsherhandsonmyshoulders.Shewalksbackwards,leadingmethroughthekitchendoorsandtowardstheprivatestaircaseontheright.“Ihadbig,grandplansforyou,Cora.Thereweregoingtobemultipleattendants,endlessbottlesofchampagne—”
“Andthoselittlefingersandwicheswiththecreamcheeseandcucumber.”
Anyachucklesandrollshereyes.“Nilescanstillmakethoseforus.I’llputinarequest.”
Jordencheersbehindme,butFranciadoesn’tsayanything.Asidefromtheinitialsurprise,shehasn’tsaidaword.
“Anyway,itwasgoingtobeanaffairinthemostlavishhotelroommoneycanbuy.ButplanschangeandIamnothingifnotadaptable.Sohere’sthebackupplan.”Anyapushesopenmybedroomdoorandushersmeinside…
Toaroomofwall-to-wallweddingdresses.
Movableclothingracksarearrangedaroundtheperimeteroftheroom,eachonestuffedwithlaceandsilkandvelvet,allinvaryingshadesofbridalwhite.Heelsarelinedupundereachrack.Idon’tevenneedtochecktoknowthey’reinmysize.
“Wow.”
It’sallIcansay.TheonlywordIcanmusterasIstareattheroomoverflowingwithdressesthatI’llneverweartotheweddingI’llneverhave.
Asitturnsout,Anyaordereddressesineveryone’ssizesowecouldalltrythingson.
“IknewCorawouldn’tlovebeingthecenterofattention,whereasIlivetobethecenterofattention.”Anyalaughsatherownjoke.“Sowe’reallputtingdresseson.Itwillbefun!”
Tenminuteslater,itturnsoutshewasright—atleastinthesensethatmyfriendsallwearinggownsoftheirowndoesmakemefeellessridiculousinmypuffy-sleevedmonstrositystraightoutofthe1980s.
“Fun”isalooseword,though.Francialookslikeshe’sinasmuchpainasIam.
“Someofthesearefromthedesigner’svintagecollection.”AnyastepsbehindFranciainthemirror,admiringthefrillysleeves.“It’srightoutofafairytale.”
Franciagrimaces.“AmItheevilstepsisterinthisfairytale?”
BeforeAnyacananswer,Jordenstepsoutoftheclosetwithbotharmswide,walkingwithherhipspressedforwardandhershoulderspressedback.“Ilookincredible.Now,allIneedisagroom.”
Anyawolfwhistles.“Thetrumpetsilhouetteisperfectforyou.”
Thegownisfittedthroughthemiddleanddownherthighs,butflaresoutinawhirlwindofrufflesandlaceatherknees.Itbalancesheroutnicely.Shelooksgorgeous.
“Youreallydolookamazing,”Iagree.“Bookmarkthatdressforwhenyoufinallymarryyoursugardaddy.”
“Asugardaddy?”Anyaraisesbothbrows.“Tellmemore.”
Jordenshakesherhead.“There’snothingmoretotell.EverymanImeetisflirtatiouslyincompetent.”
“Whatdoesthatevenmean?”Franciapinchesthetulleskirtofherdressbetweenherfingersanddropsit.Noplanstosayyestothatdress,apparently.
“Itmeanstheydon’tknowhowtowoome,”shesighs.
Anyanods.“Agirlneedstobewooed.It’simportant.”
IsthatwhatIvanwasdoingwhenhestudiedmynakedbodyupanddownbeforefinallyhandingmehissuitjackettocoverup?Wasthatwooing?
Ifso…itworked.
“Ithoughtyouwantedasugardaddy,”Franciamutters.
Francia’sinnerferalcatiscomingoutabittoday.She’sbeenonedgesincetheyarrived.Toomuchtimelockedawayinthesafehousebyherself,I’dimagine.
Jordenshootsasharplookherway,butquicklyschoolsherfaceintoalightheartedsmile.“I’macomplexhuman,Francia.Iwantboth.”
Anyaplucksashort,edgyveilfromthetopofoneoftheracksandtucksitintoherhair.“BasedonwhatIsawattheclubtheothernight,youwantacertainfriendofmybrother’s.”
“Huh?Who?”Jordenisplayingdumb,buthercheeksarepink.
IknowwhereAnyaisgoingwiththis.EvenwhileJordenwasshovingdollarbillsdownanotherman’spants,shewaswatchingYasha.
“Youknowwho!Don’tplaycoywithme.Youtwoweredancingaroundeachotherallnight.Notliterally,”Anyaadds.“Despitemybestefforts.”
“Yourbesteffortswerenotverysubtle.Yashaprobablyknewyouweretryingtoshipus.That’swhyhewouldn’ttalktomeallnight.”
Anyawavesheroff.“Thatwasnotmyfault.Yashawouldn’ttalktoyoubecausehe’sbadwithwomen.”
Alaughburstsoutofme.“Yashawouldbesomadifheheardyousaythat.”
“Ofcoursehewould,”Anyasays.“Allmenwould.It’sjustbecausetheycan’tadmitthattheydon’thaveasinglefuckingcluehowtotalktoawoman.EvenLevdidn’tknowhowtotalktomeuntilatleastayearintoourmarriage.Menneedtobetaught.Trained.”
“ThatmustbewhyIcan’tfindamanworthdating,”Jordenponders.“BecauseI’mlookingforonethathasalreadybeentrained.OrbecausetheonlymenIhavebeeninrecentcontactwitharejusttheretowatchmyapartment.”
“You’rehittingonyourguards?”Iask.Idon’tknowwhyI’mevensurprised.
Shewinks.“They’recute.AndIthinktheycoulddoabetterjobofguardingmefrominsidemyapartment.Itisnotacrimetoluretheminsidewithfresh-bakedcookiesandwhiskey.”
“No,butitisacrimethatnoneoftheguardssenttowatchovermehavebeenhandsomeorshownanyinterestinmewhatsoever,”Franciachimesin.Shelaughs,butIrememberthelookonherfacewhenweweretalkingattheclub.
She’slonely.Icanseeit.
“Yeah,sorryaboutthat,”Anyawinces.“Theapartmentbuildingwhereyou’reatisusuallystaffedwiththefamilyguys.Menwhoneedasetworkschedulesotheycangethometotheirwivesandkids.”
“Justmyluck,”Franciagrumbles.
“Well,don’tfeeltoobadforyourself,”Jordensays.“I’mnotfaringanybetter.ThemenyoumeetaremarriedandthemenImeetarehopeless.WhichprobablymeansIshouldstopdaydreamingwiththesedresses.Maybeweshouldgetsomenunhabitsinheretotryonforsize.”
Idropdownontothebedandkickmylegsoutfromundertheskirtofthedress.I’veonlytriedonthreedresses,allofwhichhavebeenatrocious.MostlybecauseI’mafraidifItakethisseriously,ImightfindadressIactuallylike.
ThenitwouldbeevenhardernottopicturemyselfstandingatthealtarwithIvan.
“Myviewofmenisn’tsobleak,”Isay.“Thereareplentyofnice,handsomeguysouttherewhoknowhowtoholdaconversation.”
Nonethatmystepfathertriedtosetmeupwith,but“afunctioningpersonality”wasn’thighonhislistofmust-haves.Thatfellsquarelyafterwealth,connections,andagirthystickuptheirbutt.Thelastonewasn’tofficial,butIcanonlyassumeitwasasmandatoryastherest.
“Saysthewomanengagedtoawalking,talkingsexgod,”Jordenmutters.
“Ew!”Anyaplantsherhandsoverherears.“Pleaseneversaythatinfrontofmeagain.”
“Sorry,butit’strue.Ivanisahigherbreedofhuman.Imean,hehadanentirepartyfullofwomenwantingtomarryhim.Whogetsthatkindofresponse?”
“Richguys,”Franciasuggests.
AnyapointstoFrancia.“She’sright.Moneycoversamultitudeofsins.Believeme,mybrotherhashisfairshareofrelationshipmess-upsandfauxpas.Ifyoudon’tbelieveme,askKaterina.”
Theairseemstogetsuckedoutoftheroom.Ormaybeit’sjustmyair.
“WhoisKaterina?”Jordenasks.
Anya’ssmilelookssuddenlystrained.“Noone.Justtrustme.Mybrotherhasmadehisfairshareofmistakes.”
“Notimelikethepresenttospillthetea.Everywomanwantstohearaboutherfiancé’sexeswhileshe’stryingonweddingdresses.”
Ihonestlycan’ttellifJordenisjokingornot.
Anyadropstheveilbackontherackandslipsoutofherdress.Shelungesforhertrousersandsweaterlikethere’safire.“Thatmaybetrue,butthereisn’tasisterontheplanetthatwantstotalkabouttheirbrother’slovelife.I’velearnedmylessonwherethatisconcerned:mindmyownbusiness.”
“Sincewhen?”IchucklebeforeIcanstopmyself.
SheturnstomeandIseesomethingpleadinginhergaze.Whateversheletslip,itwasamistake.
Dropit,hereyessay.I’mbeggingyou.
Jordenistakingadeepbreath,readytolaunchintowhatwillnodoubtbealong-windedargumentforwhywedeservetoknoweverythingaboutIvan’spast.Assupportiveasshehasbeenthelastfewdays,Iknowshe’sstillworriedIvanmightbetrouble.
Beforeshecan,Istepin.
“I’mstarved.Doyouthinkthereareanysnacksready?”
“Yes!”Anyasaysalittletooquickly.“Ibetthefingersandwichesareready.I’llgograbthem.”Thensheisgone,onlytheghostofherChanelperfumehangingintheair.
Jordenwatchesherleaveandthendoesaslowturnbacktous,eyebrowarched.“Thatwasweird,right?”
“Anyaisflighty.That’sjusthowsheis,”Ilie.
“No.No,thatwasadifferentlevelofweird.Shewasbeingevasive.Whatisn’tshetellingus?”
Istandupandstartsortingthroughthedressesontheracks.“Shedoesn’twanttotalkaboutherbrother’spersonallife.Weshouldrespectthat.”
Iknowthewordscomingoutofmymoutharethesane,rationalthingtosay.It’sresponsibletorespectpeople’sprivacyandletthemdivulgewhateversecretstheymayhavetoyouwhenthetimeisright.
LikethewayI’mkeepingMikhailfromIvanuntilthetimeisright.EvenifIhavenoideawhenthattimewillbe.
“Doyouhaveyourphone?”Jordenholdsoutahandandwagsherfingersatme
“Why?”
“SowecangetourGoogleon,obviously.WeneedtofigureoutwhothisKaterinabitchis.”
“She’sprobablynoone.Andprobablynotabitch,either!Shemightbejustafriendor—”IturntoFrancia,knowingIcancountonhertobesane.“YouprobablyknowsomethingaboutKaterina,right?Youknowmoreaboutthesepeoplethanwedo.TellJordenthatsheisn’timportant.”
Franciagivesmeanapologeticwince.“IwishIcould,butIdon’tknowanythingabouther.”
“Ooh,intrigue,”Jordenhisses.Shecurlsherfingersinmydirectionagain.“Getyourphoneout.”
“Getyourownphoneout,”Isnapback
“Ileftitdownstairsonthepatio.Whycan’tIuseyours?”
“Because…”Iscrambletothinkofagoodreason.“We’reonIvan’sWiFi.Whatiftheycanlookatmysearches?”
“Youaren’tlivinginapolicestate.It’syourowndamnhouse!”
Ifonlysheknewthetruth.
“IhaveaVPN,”Franciablurtssuddenly.
Jordenspinstowardsher,herdresssplayingoutaroundherlegs.“Awhat?”
“AVPN.Itkeepsmysearchesprivate.It’sformyjob.”
“You’reawaitress,”Jordendeadpans
Franciapullsoutherphone.“Myotherjob.Whatdoyouwantmetolookup?”
“Nothing,”Isay.
Atthesametime,JordenrattlesoffwhatshewantsFranciatotypeinthesearchbar.“KaterinaIvanPushkinLosAngeles.”
JordenhoversoverFrancia’sshoulderasshetypes.BothofthemstaredownatthephoneasFranciascrollsthroughthesearchresults.
“Youtwodowhateveryouwant.ButIdon’twanttohearathingaboutit,”Ilie.“IfIvanwantstotellmeabouther,hewill.”
Lie,lie,lie.
Ivandoesn’towemeanything.Honestyabouthispastrelationships,leastofall.MaybeifwewereinarealrelationshipI’ddemandmoreinformationfromhim,butasitis…Thefactheiskeepingmealiveisenough.Itshouldbeenough.Iwon’taskhimformorethanthat.
ThenJordengasps.
Ican’thelpmyself.Ispintowardsthem.Jordenislookingdownatthephone,eyeswide.Franciaislookingatmewithsomethinglikefearinhereyes.
Mywillpowercrumblesundertheweightofmycuriosity.I’mabouttonosediveoffthemoralhighgroundandwallowinthemudofinternetgossip.
Thenthedooropens.
“Wehaveavisitor,”Anyasays,peekingherheadintobesurewe’redecent
Ivanfollowsher.“Ican’tbeavisitorinmyownhouse.”
Hisvoiceisgruff,butthere’sasmileonhisface.Hehasnoclueeveryoneinfrontofhimwasjustpokingtheirnosesintohispersonalbusiness.
IfJordenandFranciacanwipetheshockoffoftheirfaces,maybeitwillevenstaythatway.71IVAN
Cora’sfaceispale,hereyeswide.Shelookslikeshe’sseenaghost.
Ormaybeshejustcaughtastrayglimpseofherselfinthemirror.
“What,”Iask,lookingheroverfromfrillyheadtobedazzledtoe,“inthehellareyouwearing?”
Anyaelbowsmeintheside.“It’saweddingdress,asshole.”
“Sure,butwhichcorpsedidyoustripitoffof?Itlooksancient.”
Thereisanungodlyamountoffabricdrapingoffofhershoulders.Shelookslikesheisdrowninginit.Throwheroutonawindydayandshe’dprobablytakeflight.
“Apparently,thedesignerhasavintagecollection.”Coratriesandfailstoflattenthevolumearoundherwaist.“Youdon’tlikeit?”
There’saplayfuledgetohervoice.SheknowsIdon’tlikeit.AndIknowshewouldrathergetmarriednakedthaninthis.
Cometothinkofit,that’snotabadidea.
“I’veneverbeenmoreeagertogetyououtofanitemofclothinginmyentirelife.”
“Thenmaybeit’sawinner,”Jordensuggests.ShewastuckedupbehindFrancia,butshestepsawayandfoldsherhandsbehindherback.“That’sthekindofenergyamanshouldbringtohisweddingnight.”
Franciaisstillstandingofftotheside,hernoseburiedinherphone.
Anyaholdsupherhandsinsurrender.“Okay.Ifyouallaregoingtobegross,thenI’moutofhere.”
“Maybethat’sforthebest,”Idrawl.“IthinkI’lltakeovertheweddingdresshuntfromhere.”IturntoCora’sfriends.“Butfornow,I’dlikeamomentalonewithmyfiancée.”
“Whataboutthedresses?”Anyaprotests.
“Wearthem,sellthem,burnthem.Idon’tgiveafuck.”Whatevergetsthemoutofherethefastest.Idon’tevencare;I’lleatthecost.”
JordenlooksatmewarilyasshehugsCoragoodbye.Franciadoesn’tevenlookatme.ShejusthugsCoraandthenpullsback,holdingherbythearms.“Becareful.”
ThenthewomenleaveandCoraandIarealone.
Icirclearoundher,twistingmyheadfromsidetosidetocaptureeveryangle.“IthoughtIwasvicious,butmysisterisheartlessforputtingyouinthisdress.”IlayahandonherarmandhavetocompresssixinchesofmaterialbeforeIfeelherbodyunderneath.
“Believeitornot,Ichosethismyself.”
Iarchabrow.“Ifyourgoalistogetabandonedatthealtar,thenI’dsayit’sperfect.”
“Therewon’tbeanaltartoleavemeat,remember?”Sheturnsbacktotheracksofdresses,thegownswishingaroundherwitheverystep.“Whytakethisseriouslyiftheweddingisn’treal?”
She’sright.Iknowshe’sright.
Yetsomethinginsidemeragesagainsttheidea.
“Iremembersomeonetellingmethatweneededtopractice.”
Sheducksherhead.Icanseeablushcreepinguphercheeks.“Thatwasdifferent.”
“No,itwasn’t.Noonewillbelievewe’regettingmarriedifwedon’ttoucheachotherinpublic.Youlearnedthatlesson.Andnoonewillbelievewe’regettingmarriedifyoudon’tchooseadress.Samething.”
“Ifyousayso.I’veneverbeenmarriedbefore,”shesayswithaforcednonchalantshrug.“Idon’tknowhowanyofthisissupposedtogo.”
Istepupbehindherandslowlypullthezipperofthedressdownthelengthofherspine.“Thenletmeteachyou.”
Goosebumpsspreadacrosshershoulderblades.Shesnorts.“Youdon’tknowanythingaboutweddingdresses,either…doyou?”
She’saskingsomethingelse.Aquestionbeneaththequestion.ButI’mtoofocusedonexposingmoreofherskintoworryaboutit.
Ipushthesleevesdownherarms.“IknowwhatIlike.IknowwhatI’dliketoseeyouin.”
Nothingatall.
Ashideousasthisdressis,Ican’tthinkofanythingmorebeautifulthanthewayitslidesdownherbody.
Whatwoulditbelikeonourweddingday?Howmuchmorewouldthismomentmeanafterhoursspentoglingherinhergown?Aftervowsandcakeanddancing?WouldIpeelheroutofthedressslowlylikethis?OrwouldIriptheexpensivelayerstofuckingpiecesjustsoIcouldgetather,touchher,claimher…mywife.
Suddenly,Coraspinsaroundtofaceme.Thegownishanginglowonherarms,thetopbarelycoveringthetwinswellsofherbreasts.“Youaren’tsupposedtoseemeinmyweddingdressbeforetheceremony.We’rebreakingalltherules.”
Ipullhercloser.“DoIstrikeyouasthekindofmanwhogivesadamnabouttherules?”
Shelaughsquietly.“No,Iguessnot.”
“Didn’tthinkso.”Ipluckherhandsawayfromthefabricshe’stryingtoholdoverherselfandletthedresscascadeintoapuddlearoundherlong,tonedlegs.She’swearingastraplesswhitebodysuitthatcoversjustenoughofhertodrivememad.
Iswallowdownagroan.“Putsomethingon.Anything.”
“Asyouwish.”Sherifflesthroughtherackandpullsdownaslinkysatingown.
Andthusbeginsmytorture.
IsitonthebedandwatchCoraslipinandoutofdressafterdress.Againandagain,shetwirlsinfrontofme.Andagainandagain,allIcanthinkaboutisshreddingthroughthegownslikeagiftboxonChristmasmorningsoIcandevourher.
Shecomesoutinthefifthdressandit’sastruggletostayseated.Ihavetoclenchmyfiststokeepmyselffromgrabbingheraroundthewaistandhaulinghertowardsme.
Thedressissheer,nothingbutmeticulouslyoverlaidlacecoveringherchestandthespacebetweenherlegs.Icanseetheshadowofherbodythroughthetulle.Lightdancesaroundthecurveofherhipandherthighs.Shelooksethereal.Likeadream.
“Whatdoyouthinkaboutthisone?”Longlashesbatatme.Thereisnogoddamnwayshedoesn’tknowwhatsheisdoing.
Iriseslowlyfromthebed,eyeslockedonher.“Ihateit.”
Shestartstosmile,butthenstops.Herbrowspinchtogetherinconfusion.“What?”
“Ihateit,”Irepeat,movingtowardsher,“becauseeverysetofeyesintheroomwouldbelockedonyou.I’dhavenochoicebuttoclaimyouasmineinfrontofeveryone.”
Isnagherwaistandpullherclose.Herbackarchesovermyarmsoshecanlookupatme.“Howwouldyoudothat?”
“Icouldshowyou,”Iwhisper,pressingakisstothehollowofherthroat.“Consideritarehearsal.”
Herphonevibratesonthedresserbehindus,butCoradoesn’tevenglanceatit.Herthroatbobsassheswallows.“Yes.Showme.”
Itakeagentlebiteofherjawbone,herearlobe,thenIpresstheflatofmytonguetoherskinandtasteher.
Herphonevibratesagain,andIfeelherturntowardsit.ButthenIgrabherhipsandcircleheragainstthelengthofme.
“Ifseeingyouinthedressisbad,”Ibreathe,“thenfuckingyouinitmustbeunforgivable.”
“Straighttohell,”sheagreeswithastrainedlaugh.
Ipressherbackagainstthedresser.“I’malreadygoingtohell.What’sanothersinonthewaydown?”
Thenherphonevibratesagainandagain.Anonstopseriesofmessagesthatareimpossibletoignore.
Shereachesforitwithflamedcheeks.“Sorry.I’llturnitoff.”Butwhensheseeswho’stexting,hersmilefalls.
Shescrollsandscrolls,herexpressiongrowingstonierbythesecond.Whenshefinallylooksupatme,Ifeellikethelastfewminuteswereadream.Imusthaveimaginedthem.
“Yousaidyou’vekilledsomeonebefore.”
It’sastatement,notaquestion.ButitcomesfromsofaroutofleftfieldthatIcan’tgetmybearings.Ishakemyhead.“What?”
“Youtoldmebeforethatyoukilledsomeone.”
“Yousawmekillsomeone,”Iremindher.“Thatmudaktriedtosnipeyou.Ikilledhimto—”
Sheshakesherhead.“Nothim.”
Istepaway.“Mostpeoplehavethe‘howmanypeoplehaveyousleptwith’conversation.Thisisanewone.”
“I’mnottalkingaboutyourenemies,”shesays.“I’mnottalkingabouttakingoutpeoplewhoattackyou.YoutoldmewhenIfirstgotherethatyouhadkilledanothergirlfriend.Isthattrue?”
Irememberitnow.CoraandIwerearguing.Shewantedtoleave.Iwantedhertostay.
Whatareyougoingtodo?Killme?
Itwouldn’tbethefirsttime,Isaid.
“Whyareyouaskingmeaboutthisnow?”Iask,theheatinsideofmeturningtosolidice.
Hereyesnarrow.“TellmewhoKaterinais.”
Andjustlikethat,theothershoedrops.72IVAN
Coragetsoutofherdressandintonormalclothesfasterthanshouldbepossible.Istillhaven’tsaidaword.
Thereisn’tawordtosay.NotifI’mgoingtokeepmypromises.
Sheturnstome,herlacebodysuittuckedintoherjeans.“Areyoureallynotgoingtosayanything?”shehisses.“Defendyourself!Explainthistome!”
“There’snothingtoexplain.”
Sheholdsupherphone.Thescreenisblacknow,butIcanguesswhatthetextmessageswere.ThewayFranciaandJordenactedwhenIshowedupmakesalotmoresensenow.
Theywerediggingupdirtonme.
“Yourlastgirlfriendismissing.Noonehasseenher,”shesays.“AndwhenIaskedifyouweregoingtokillme,yousaid,‘Itwouldn’tbethefirsttime.’Ithoughtyouwerejustsayingthat,butnow…Now,Idon’tknow.”
“Itlookslikeyouknowenough.”Igesturetowhereshe’sslippingintohershoes.“Onetextandyou’rereadytosprintoutthedoor.”
“Becauseyouaren’ttellingmeanything!”shecries.
Sheshovesherphoneinherpocketandpressesherhandsoverhereyes.Whenshepullsthemaway,therearetearsgatheringthere.Emotionthreateningtooverflow.
Shetakesadeepbreathandwhirlstowardsme.“YouandIareinaweird,not-really-a-relationshipwherewedon’toweeachotheralot.I’mdoingyouafavorandyou’rekeepingmealive.It’squidproquo.Thisisdifferent.Youowemeanexplanation,Ivan.”
IknowIdo.
ButIcan’t.
“Katerinahasnothingtodowithyou.”
Thereisn’tevenacomparison.IwasforcedtobewithKaterinadespitehavingnointerestinher.WithCora,Iwanttobewithhermorethananything,butIcan’t.They’reoppositesineveryway.
“ShehasalottodowithmeifI’mgoingtoenduplikeher,”shesnaps.
Itakeasteptowardsherandsheshrinksback.Actuallywiltsinfrontofme.
It’sbeenalongtimesinceshe’sbeenscaredofme.IforgothowitfeelstoseeherflinchwhenIapproach.
Iretreatandfistmyhandsatmyside.“Youdon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout.”
“Thentellme,”shepleads.“Tellmewhatisgoingon.Trustmewiththetruth.Tellmethatyou’rethemanthatIthinkyouare.”
Mylifeisbuiltonafoundationoflies.Corawantsthetruth,butitisn’tmytruthtotell.
“I’mnotthemanyouthinkIam.”
Herfacefalls.“What—”
“You’relookingatmelikethat.”Ijabafingerinherdirection.“You’relookingatmelikeI’mthemonsterunderyourbedandthat’snotwhoIam.Nottoyou.Whateveryou’rethinkingrightnow,it’sworsethanthetruth.”
“Okay.”Sheblowsoutabreath,butitdoesn’tdoanythingtocalmher.She’sstillshaking,pacingbackandforthinfrontofme.“Okay,somaybeyoudidn’tkillher.That’swhatyou’resaying.Butshe’sstillmissing.SomethinghappenedtoKaterina.”Idon’tsayanythingandCoraseemstofoldundertheweightofherownmisplacedexpectations.“Ifyouwon’ttellmewhathappened,thenithastobebecauseit’sworsethanIthink.Didsomeoneattackherthewaythey’veattackedme?”
“Nooneattackedher.”
“Thenwherethefuckisshe?!”shescreams.“Peopledon’tjustdisappearintothinair!Somethingmusthavehappenedtoher.AndIknowhowyouarewithme.Idon’tthinkyouwouldhurtme.We’rejustpretending,butyou’vesworntoprotectme.Didyousweartoprotecther,too?”
Forabriefmoment,I’monceagaininthebackofthatcar.ThedividerisupandKaterinaishuddledintheseatnexttome.She’swearingafurcoatandhugesunglasses.Whenshespeaks,hervoiceisbarelymorethanawhisper.
“Itrustyou,Ivan,”shesays.“Whateverhappens,Itrustyou.”
Whichiswhy,standinginfrontofCoranow,Ibitemytongue.Iswallowdowntheexplanationsthatareclawingatmythroat.
Atearrollsdownhercheekandsheswipesitaway.“Ifyoucouldn’tkeephersafe,thenwhyshouldItrustyoutoprotectme?”
It’sherdoubtinmemorethananythingthatsnapsmyself-control.Itakeajerkingsteptowardsher.“Itookcareofher!”
Corascramblesbackagainstthewall.Herskingoespale—sopale—andherthoughtsarewrittenplainlyonherface.
ShethinksItookcareofKaterina.Aftereverything,CorathinksIkilledher.
“Oh,forfuck’ssake,Ididn’tmean—”
“Iwanttoleave.”Coracrossesherarmsoverherchestlikearmor.“Iknowyouhaveothersafehousesandmorethanenoughguards.Putmeupsomewhereelse.”
“No.”
Shefrowns.“Thenchainmeup.Lockmeinadungeon.Takecareofme.TheonlywayIwillstayherewithyouisifyouforcemetostay.”
Adarkpartofmewantstostraphertotheheadboardandnotletherleaveuntilsheunderstands.
Butnothinghaschanged.ThereistoomuchIcan’ttellher—toomuchshedoesn’tknow.Andintheend,itmightbeforthebestifsheleaves.She’sbeenadistractionsincethemomentshearrived.
Outofsight,outofmind.Amancanhope,atleast.
Coraisglaringatme,preparingfortheworst.SowhenInodinagreement,thefightdrainsoutofher.
Shesags,hershouldersdrooping.“IwanttostaywithJorden.”
Iscrubahandthroughmyhair.Jorden’sapartmentisashithole,butthelocationmakesitsurprisinglyeasytoguard.Plus,theprivateparkinggarageinthealleyisagoodentryandexitpoint.It’snotwhereI’dliketoputCora,butitwilldo.
“Fine.Yashacantakeyou.I’llarrangeit.”
Herknucklesturnwhitefromclenchingherphonesohard.ShenodsandlooksdownatherfeetandmumblessomethingIdon’tcatch.
Fifteenminuteslater,Coraisgone.
Thecardisappearsdownthedrive,afogofdusttrailingbehindit.Onceshe’soutofsight,Iwalkbackintothesilent,distraction-freehouse.
It’sneverfeltemptier.73CORA
Hislastgirlfrienddisappeared.
Sheisstillmissing.
Therearerumorshekilledhertoendtheirengagement.
Evenwithmyphoneturnedoffandtuckedintomypurse,IcanseethetextmessagesJordensentmeagainstthedarkbackdropofmyeyelids.Ican’tgetthewordsoutofmyhead.
Ivan’slastgirlfriendismissingandhecouldn’ttellmewhathappened.Couldn’torwouldn’t?I’mnotsureanymore.I’mnotevensureitmatters.
ThecartakesasharpturnandIpressagainstthebackdoor.Mylimbsareweak.ThefactI’msittinguprightnowinsteadofcurledinthefetalpositionfeelslikeanaccomplishment.
Jordenreachesoverandsqueezesmyknee.“Areyouokay?”
Ilookoverandtrytorespond,butthemomentIopenmymouth,tearsfillmyeyes.Islammymouthclosedandshakemyhead.
No.No,I’mnotokayatall.
It’snotasifIthoughtIvanwasasaint.I’veseenhimkillaman.Iknowhisworldisviolentandbloody.
ButIthoughthewashonest.Ithoughthewashonestaboutwhoheisandwhathehasdone.Ididn’tthinkhewouldlietomeaboutsomethingthisimportant
I’manidiot.
“Menaretrash,”Jordensays.“Worsethantrash.They’regerms.”
“Hey,”Yashacomplainsfromthedriver’sseat.“Notallmenaregerms.”
“Pleasebequiet,driver.We’retryingtohaveaprivateconversationbackhere.”Jordenlookstomeandrollshereyesasiftosay,Canyoubelievethisguy?“Allmenaregerms,Cora.Everylastoneofthem.Especiallytheonesthatmakeyoucry.”
Ididn’trealizetearswererollingdownmyfaceagain.Igroanandswipeatmycheeks.“I’msostupid.Iknewthiswas—”
Allpretend.Thosearethewordspoisedatthetipofmytongue.
“Iknewthiswastoogoodtobetrue,”Isayinstead.“Iletmyselfhavehope,anyway.ItrustedhimandIthoughthewouldtrustmeenoughtoconfideinme,but—”
“Ivandoesn’tconfideinpeople,”Yashainterrupts.
Jordenelbowsthebackofhisseathard.“Thisisaprivateconversation.”
“Well,thisisasmallcar,”Yashafiresback.“Andyou’retalkingaboutmybestfriend.IfeellikeIhavearighttodefendhim.”
“Whichgoestoshowhowlittleyouknow.Youdon’thaveanyrightsinthissituation.”
“I’myourdriver,notarobot.IcantalkifIwantto—”
“NowisnotthetimetohearanyargumentsindefenseofIvan.NowisthetimetoberatehischaracterandsympathizewithCora.Later,ifandwhenshe’sready,wecanbereasonable.Maybeyoucanhavesixtyuninterruptedsecondstodefendyourgermybestfriend.Untilthen,it’sventingtime.”
IgiveJordenmybestversionofathankfulsmile.Thoughrightnow,itfeelsmorelikeagrimacethananythingelse.
Ipressmytempleagainstthecarwindowandwatchthecitypassbyinablur.StayingwithIvanwasn’tanoption.Icouldn’tsleepintheroomnexttohisandactlikenothingwaswrong.Passinghiminthehallsandmakingpoliteconversationwouldhavekilledme.
Theproblemisthatleavingfeelswrong,too.
It’sjustallIcouldthinktodo.
Mydadleft.Oneday,hewasthere,paddingaroundthehouseinapairofworn-throughslippers.Thenext,hewasmovinginwithCrystalandraisingababythatIsharehalfofmyDNAwith.
Whybotherwiththeold,bustedmodelwhenyoucancreateyourownupgrade?
Whystaywhenyoucango?
Mymomstayedphysicallyclose,butsheleftmeineverywaythatcounts.Shestoodbyandlethernewhusbandpimpmeouttoallofhisfriends’sonstoseeiftheywereinterested.AlexanderMcAllisterneverhadanicewordtosayaboutmeunlessheneededsomething—analliance,aninvestor,aconnection.ThenIwasthemostprecioustoolhehad
Mymomneversaidaword.Shestoodsilentlybyhisside,lettinghimmoldandshapemeintowhateverheneededatthetime.Becauseshewastooscaredtoleave.Lettingyouronlydaughterbeusedasabargainingchipwasbetterthanbeingapoor,singlemother,apparently
Theonethingitalltaughtmeisthatwhenthegoinggetstough,yourunasfastasyoucanandneverlookback.
Peopleabandonyou.
Youabandonpeople.
It’sthetwisted,knotted-upcircleoflife.
Inalllikelihood,Ivanwouldhavebeendonewithmesoonenough,anyway.Likeeveryoneelse,hewouldhaveleftmebehind,too.AllIdidisbumpupthetimeline.
YetallIcanseewhenIclosemyeyesisIvan’sfaceasheloweredhisheadandnodded.Thebrokenwayheagreedtoletmeleave.
Hedidn’tevencareenoughtofight.
Jordensqueezesmykneeagain.Ihavenoideahowlongithasbeenorhowfarwe’vedriven.Ilookoverather,blinkingbackintoreality.
“Doyouneedanything?”sheasks.“Myapartmentisagrocerydeadzonerightnow.WecanstopandYashacangetyousomeicecream.”
“I’mnotyourdeliveryboy,”heprotests.
Jordenignoreshim,hereyesonme.“Maybechocolate?Vanilla?Both?”
“Thanks,butI’mokay,”Imumble.“I’mnotveryhungry.”
“I’llputinagrocerydeliveryorderjustincaseyouchangeyourmindlater.YouneverknowwhattheBadBoyBlueswilldemand.”
“TheBadBoyBlues?”Iask.
Shegivesmeatightsmile.“Icoinedtheterm.It’swhenanassholebreaksyourheartliketheassholeheisandthenyouneedtofilltheholeleftbehindwithsnacks.Mineusuallycallsforabottleofwineandabagofsaltandvinegarchips.”
Jordenistryingtodistractme—or,attheveryleast,keepmefromgoingcatatonic—butIdon’thaveitinmetojokeorpretend.Ijustwanttocry‘tilIfallasleepandthensleepuntilI’mdead.
“Ivanisnota‘badboy,’”Yashaargues.“Ivanisagoodguy.Thiswholethingisamajormisunderstanding.”
IthitsmeallatoncethatYashahasbeenfriendswithIvanforyears.Theyareclose.He’shisbestfriendandhissecondincommand.
Heprobablyknowsthings.
Jordenslapsthebackofhisheadrest,jostlingtheseat.“Pipedownupthere.Wedon’twanttohearanythingfromthehelp.”
“Saysthewaitress,”Yashamumbles,earninganotherslaptotheheadrestfromJorden.
Iwaveheroff.“It’sokay.Actually…Yasha?”
He’sbeentryingtotalktometheentiredrive,butassoonasIaddresshim,hetenses.“What?”
“WhatdoyouknowaboutKaterina?”
“Me?”heasksnervously.“Oh,um…notmuch.Nothing.”
“Whichisit?”Jordenbites.“Notmuchornothing?”
God,Iloveher.Idon’thaveitinmetofightrightnow,butJordenisinatake-no-prisonerskindofmood.
Yashasighs.“Iknowherfamilyis…They’rethefuckingworst.Katerinawasraisedlikeahorseforbreeding.”
“Icanrelate,”Imumble.
Yashadoesn’thearmeandkeepstalking.“Ivanandherfamilyhavenevergottenalong.Itwasalwaystensebecausehedidn’tlikethewaytheydidthings.Theystilldon’tseeeyetoeyeonmostthings.”
“Whydidtheygetengagedinthefirstplaceiftheirfamiliesdidn’tgetalong?”Thewordsareoutofmymouthbeforethelikelyanswercomestome.“Didhe…didheloveher?”
Theknifetwistsinmygut.Ivaninlove.Whatasightthatwouldbe.Whatanexperiencetobeonthereceivingsideofthat.
“IvanandIareclose,butwearen’tthatclose.Wedon’ttalkaboutlove.”
Jordenclickshertongueindisappointment.“Classicmen.Godforbidyoushowyouremotions.”
Yashasitsupandlooksatherintherearviewmirror.“Iexpressmyemotionsjustfine,thanks.I’mnotafraidtobaremyselftotheworld.”
Jordenrollshereyesagain,butInoticetheblushcreepinguphercheeks.
Yashapullsdownanarrowalleyandthenintotheprivateparkinggaragebeneaththebuilding.Thepillarsarecrumblingandcoveredinlayersofgraffiti.Trashoverflowsinthetrashcansandlittersthecrackedcement.Butthere’saguardwaitingatthebackdoorwithagunstrappedtohiship.
AsJordengetsoutofthecar,shewigglesherfingersatthemanandgrins.“Hi,Leon.”
Yashalooksbetweenthetwoofthemandfrowns.IknowexactlywhatJordenisdoing,evenifYashadoesn’t.
Myfriendloopsherarmthroughmineandpullsmetowardsthedoor,sayingloudly,“You’regoingtoloveithere,Cora.Somanyhandsomemenhangingaroundtohelpyougetoverthislittlehurdle.”
ThenLeonleadsuswordlesslyintothebuildingasthedoorclosesonYasha.74CORA
DespiteallJorden’ssmilingandflouncing,Leondoesn’tsayawordtoherallthewayuptheelevator.Whenwereachherdoor,heassuresustheapartmenthasbeensweptandtellsJordentocallifsheneedsanything.
“Whataboutabackrub?”shehollersafterhim.
Leondoesn’tanswer.
“Nosenseofhumor,”shegrumbles.
Shehurriesaround,tossingclothesoverthebackofachairandsweepingupamessofmailandpapersspreadacrosshercounter.“Sorry.Ihaven’thadanyoneoverinacoupleweeks.Iletregularhousekeepinggetawayfromme.”
“Noproblem.Ihaven’thadtocleanathinginweeks,soyou’redoingmorethanIhave.”
Shestopsandstaresatme,eyebrowsraised.“Wasthatsupposedtomakemefeelbetterorareyoutryingtobrag?”
“I…Ihonestlydon’tknow,”Iadmitwithachuckle.“It’sjustthetruth.Butit’snotmuchofabragnowthatInolongerhaveamaid.It’sbacktotherealworldforme.”
Ididn’tevensaygoodbyetoNiles.OrAnya.ThoughmaybeneitherofthemwouldwanttosayanythingtomeconsideringhowIleft.
“Oh,girl.”Jordenthrowsthearmfulofjunkmailintohertrashcanandthendrapesanarmaroundmyshoulders.Sheleadsmetowardsthecouch.“ThissucksandI’msorry.But—”
“IthoughtitwasanonstopventingsessionuntilI’mreadytohearcounterarguments.”
Sheforcesmedownontothecouchandthensitsnexttome,tuckingherfeetunderneathher.“IsaidthattoYashabecausehisloyaltywillalwaysbewithIvan.Whateverhesayscannotbetrusted.ButIamafountofendlessloveandconcernforyou,dearestCora.YoucantrustthatwhatI’msayinghasyourbestinterestatheart…whichiswhyIhavetosaythatIdidnotsendyouthosetextsbecauseIwantedyoutocalloffyourengagementandrunawayfromIvan.”
Idoadouble-take.“Youtextedmethatmyfiancémighthavekilledhislastgirlfriend.Whatdidyouexpectmetodo?”
“Iexpectedyoutosoakinyourginormousjacuzzitub,drinksomeridiculouslyexpensivewine,andmulloveryournextmove,”sheexplains.“Iwantedyoutobearmedwithalltheinformationtomakeathoughtout,well-consideredchoice.”
Istareather,blinkingslowly.“I’veseenyouthrowamugofhotcoffeeinaman’sfacebecausehewhistledatyou.”
“Itwaslukewarmcoffee!”
“Ihaveseenyouthrowyourentirephoneintoatrashcanbecauseyougotatextyoudidn’tlike.”
“Idugitoutofthetrashfiveminuteslater,”sheargues.“Andbesides,thosethingswereminor.TheywerebadexperienceswithmenIbarelyknew.It’snotthesameasendingwhatcouldhavebeenalifelongrelationship!”
Jordenwouldhaveapoint…ifmyrelationshipwithIvaneverhadachanceofbeinglifelong.Butitdidn’t.Wewereheadeddownapaththatwasalwaysgoingtoendwiththetwoofuspartingways.
“So,what,youthinkIshouldhavestuckaroundandheardhimout?”
Sheshrugs.“I’mnotheretoshameyouforwhatyoudid.I’mgoingtosupportyounomatterwhat.ButIjustthinkweoweittothepossibilityofyourHappilyEverAftertoconsiderthatmaybewe’remisunderstandingsomething.”
“Thewomanismissing.ThelastpersonshewasseenwithwasIvan.Whatistheretomisunderstand?”
“Nothing.Or…maybeeverything,”sheoffers.“IjustknowI’veseenthewayIvanlooksatyou.Hedoesn’tlookatyoulikehewantstokillyou;helooksatyoulikehewantstodevouryou.”
Islumpbackward.“Havinggreatsexdoesnotmeanthatsomeoneisn’tamurderer.”
Jordenjabsafingeratme.“Finally!Youadmitit!Thesexisamazing.”
Igroan.“Thisisnotaboutthat,Jor.”
“Iknow,Iknow,”shesays.“It’sjustnicetohearmytheoryconfirmed.I’veneverseenyousorelaxedaroundsomeone.Nowonderit’sbecauseyouweregettingyourworldrockedonaregularbasis.”
She’sonlysayingthatbecauseshewasn’ttherewhenIvankilledasniperinfrontofme.Orwhenasuspiciousbottleofchampagneshowedupatourtableduringourdate.OrwhenIwasdruggedinabakerybathroom.
Wow.Thelastfewweekshavebeenawhirlwind.EvenworsethanIthought.
Allofthatwasincrediblystressful.
Thenagain,everythinginbetweenwasnice.MymindwanderstothefulldayIvanandIspentinhisbedafterthebakeryincident.Wespenthourstangleduptogether,talkingabouteverythingunderthesun.Ican’trememberthelasttimeIfeltlikethat.
Socaredfor.Sosafe.
“BeingwithIvanfeltlikeafairytalesometimes.”Evilstepparentsandpoisonincluded.“Butreallifeisn’tafairytale.Ivanwasn’thonestwithme,andI’mnotgoingtoliveinalie.I’vedoneenoughofthatforalifetime.”
Jordenfrowns.“Ihearyou.Butmaybehe’llcall.Maybehe’llexplaineverythingand—”
“It’stoolate.”Icrossmylegsandsittall.“Ithinkit’stimeformetostartover.”
“Startoverhow?”
“Entirely.Anewtown,anewjob.”Anewname,maybe.Newfingerprints,ifIcangetthem.“Iknowthissoundsdrastic,butitisn’tjustaboutIvan.”
“Mikhail,”Jordeninfers.Foronce,hervoiceisserious.“You’rereallyscaredofhim,aren’tyou?”
Iconsiderdenyingit.Idon’twanttobesomeonewhorunsawaybecausethey’reafraid.Thenagain,Iwanttobesomeonewhoknowstheirlimits.AndI’mprettysureI’vereachedit.
Thereistoomuchinthiscityformetofaceitalldownonmyown.
“Idon’twanttobesuckedintohisorbitagain.Mikhail,myfamily,Ivan—they’reallhere.Whichisenoughreasonformetobesomewhereelse.”
Jordenstaresatmeforalongmoment.I’mwaitingforhertoargueortrytoconvincemetostay.Instead,shesays,“Fine.”
“Finewhat?”
“Fine,I’llgowithyou.”
Mymouthopensandcloses.Finally,Ireachoutandgrabherhand.“Iwasn’tsayingallofthattoconvinceyoutocomewithme.Youhavealifehere.Idon’twantto—”
“Ihavealife?”sheblurts,lookingaroundmelodramatically.“Whereisit?PointmetowardsitandI’llgladlystay.”
“Youhaveajob.”
“Quinta?o’sisclosedforrepairsandI’mnotnaiveenoughtothinkQwillhireusallback.HehashatedmeeversinceItoldhimI’dratherdunkmyheadinthedeepfryerthansleepwithhim.”
Igapeather.“Youdidnotsaythattohim.”
“Wordforword.”Shebeamswithpride.“He’sacreepandI’dloveanewjob.Doyouhaveanyotherreservations?”
“Youhavefriendshere.”
“YouandFrancia,”shesays.“Anddon’ttellFrancia,butI’vealwayslikedyoumore.Yougetme.So,forgetthejobandfriends.Don’tevenmentionfamily.YouknowIhaveatragic,utterlyheart-wrenchingtearjerkerofabackstorythatisn’tevenworthgoinginto.”Shesqueezesmyhandandthenreachesfortheotherone.Herfingersarecoldagainstmine.“Therealityis,Cor,youaremybestfriend.Iknowitdoesn’talwaysseemthatway,buthavingmyentirelifeflippedupsidedownbecauseofyoumademerealizethatyou’reoneofthemostimportantpeopleintheworldtome.Like,Ihaven’tbeenabletowalkoutofmyhousewithoutguardstailingmeforweeks,yetI’mnotmadatyouatall.Ifthat’snotlove,Idon’tknowwhatis.”
Ilaugh,tearsonceagainbrimminginmyeyes.“I’msorry.”
Sheshakesherhead.“Don’tbe.Seriously.I’verealizedwhat’simportanttomethroughallofthisandI’vedecidedsomething:whereveryou’regoing,I’mgoing,too.Iwon’tletyoutakeoffonthisadventurealone.”
“Adventure,”Isaysoftly.“Ilikethat.Itsoundsalotbetterthan‘runningaway.’”
“We’renotrunningawayfromsomething;we’rerunningtowardssomething,”sheclarifies.“Wejustdon’tquiteknowwhatthatisyet.Butwe’llfigureitout!”
I’vebeen“figuringthingsout”myentirelife.Icanfigurethisout,too.
Inod.“Okay.Deal.”
“Deal.”Jordenflopsbackonthecouchandletsoutacackle.“God,thisisgoingtobefun.”
“Agreed,”Isay,evenassomedeeppartofmybrainisshoutingthatthisisadumbidea.
Iignoreit.ThisisthesamebrainthatconvincedmeitwasagoodideatohookupwithabillionaireinthemiddleofhisFindAWifeparty.Thisbrainmakesmistakes.Leavingistherightcall
Thistime,I’lljusthavetodoabetterjobofcoveringmytracks.75IVAN
Ihearthefrontdooropen,butIdon’tgetup.
I’mtoobusydrinking.ThecognacIdrankwithCorathenightwemetseemedlikeamorbidlyappropriatechoice.Idon’tbotherwithaglass;Ijustslugitstraightfromthebottle.
Thealcoholisstillburningdownmythroatwhenmysisterappearsinthedoorway.Forthefirsttimeinalongtime,thereisn’tahintofasmileonherface.
“Well,thisiseverybitaspatheticasIthoughtitwouldbe,”sheremarks.“IneverthoughtI’dhatetobeprovenright.”
“Goaway,Anya.”
Shemarchesovertothesofaandholdsoutherhand.Iknowshewantsthebottleofcognac,butIignoreher.
“Ivan,”shewarns.
Iglareupather.“Anya.”
Shedropsherhandandtakesastepback.Forasecond,Ithinkshe’sgoingtoleave.AnyahateswhenI’minamood—amoodthatalcoholinevitablymakesevenworse.
“Fine.Beabooze-soakedasshole.Callmewhenyou’resober,”sheshoutedatmethelasttimeIgotdrunkafterabrawlwithourfather.
Butshesurprisesmethistime.Insteadofstormingout,Anyakicksoffherheelsandcurlsupontheendofthesofafacingme.“Iknowyou’renotreallydrunk.”
Iscowlather,refusingtosayanythingelse.
She’sright,ofcourse.Ijustsatdownwiththisbottlefiveminutesago.I’vehadtheequivalentoftwoshots,maybe,andI’malreadyreadytobedone.Witheverythinggoingonrightnow,Ican’taffordtogetshitfaced.Nomatterhowpleasantitwouldbetoforgettheeventsoftonightinahazeofliquor.
Isitupandplacethebottleonthecoffeetable.“Whyareyouhere,Anya?”
“BecausesomeonehastotalksomesenseintoyouandI’mtheonlyonequalifiedforthejob.”
“Thatistoodepressingtobetrue.”
Sheshrugs.“Suchisyoursociallife.Yashaletsyougetawaywithfartoomuchshit,sohe’soutofthequestion.And,well,youknowwhyCoraisnolongeranoption.”
MystomachtwistsatthesoundofCora’sname.It’sonlybeenafewhourssinceYashadroveheraway,butitfeelslikedays.Havingheroutofmyworldwassupposedtohelpmefocusonwhatmatters.
Why,then,haswalkingthroughthishousebeenlikefumblingthroughadensefog?Nothingfeelsfamiliaranymore.Inamatterofdays,Corashowedupandturnedmylifeonitshead.
Now,Idon’tknowwhichwayisup.
Ahandlandsonmyshoulder.IflinchandlookovertoseeAnyaiswatchingmewithconcerninhereyes.“Tellthetruth.”
Ipullawayfromher.“Aboutwhat?”
“Abouteverything.”
“Youalreadyknow—”
“Nottome.”Shegivesmeasadsmile.“Corawantstoknowyou,Ivan.Aftershewasdrugged,Iwastherewhenshewokeup.Thefirstthingshewantedtoknowisifyouwereokay.Shealsowantedtoknowmoreaboutyou.ShehadalotofquestionsthatIcouldn’tanswer…”Hervoicetrailsoff.
Inarrowmyeyes.“Whatdidyoutellher?”
“Itoldhermystory,”shesays,sittingtall.“Itoldhersheneededtoaskyouaboutalotofthings,butItoldheraboutmyself.”
“Fuck,Anya.”Idragahandthroughmyhairandsnapmygazebacktomysister.“YoutoldheraboutLev?Youtoldheraboutthedeal?”
Shenods.“Itoldherwhatyoudidforus.Forme.”
“Fuck,”Igrowlagain.
ItoldCorafromthebeginningthatourrelationshipwasjustafacade.Sheknewitwasgoingtoend.ButInevertoldherwhy.
IwantedhertothinkIdidn’tcare.It’seasierifshethinksI’msomeheartlessbastardwhocanfuckherandtossherasidewhenI’mdone.
Now,sheknowsthatitisn’taboutnotwantingtomarryherorhavingnointerestinher.It’sthatIcan’tmarryher.Ican’tbewithher—becauseofmyownbleedingfuckingheart.
“What’sdoneisdone,sodon’tevenbothertryingtoworkyourselfintoafussaboutit.Betteryet,dropit.Allofit.Thismaskthatyouputon,thisbullshitfacade—justcutthatshitoutTellCorawhoyoureallyare.Tellherwhatyoudidforme…andforKaterina.”
Ishootawarninglookatmysister.SheistheonlypersonwhoknowsaboutKaterina.AboutthetruthofwhatIdid.
Anyalooksmeintheeyes.“Iknowit’shardforyou,butyoureallycantrustme,Ivan.”
“Iknowthat.”
“Good.”Shereachesoutagainandgrabsmyarm.Thistime,Idon’tpullaway.“BecauseIloveyou.You’remybrother.And,asdepressingasitisforbothofus,you’reoneofmybestfriends,too.”
Iwaitforhertocontinue,butshedoesn’t.WhenIlookover,she’sblinkingbacktears.
Ishakemyhead.“No.Noneofthat.Nocrying.”
“Sorry.Now,it’salmostlikeI’mtryingtoscareyouaway.”Shelaughsanddabsathereyes.“AllI’mtryingtosayis,Iwantyoutobehappy.AndIcan’tremembereverseeingyouashappyastheselastcoupleweeks.Corais—”
“Aprop,”Iinterrupt.“She’sheretohelpuscatchwhoeverisgoingafterourfamily,andthenshe’llbegone.Itisn’tanydeeperthanthat.”
Shesags,staringatmewithobviousdisappointment.“Idon’tbelieveyou.”
“Idon’tcare,”Isayflatly.“Youdon’thavetobelieveme.It’sthetruth.”
“No,itisn’t.”
“Anya—”
“No!”Shestandsupandplantsherhandsonherhips.“You’relyingtoyourself.Evenworse,you’relyingtome.Youcanhidefromeveryoneelse,butI’myoursister.”
Istandup,toweringoverher.“Exactly!You’remysister.WhichmeansyouknowbetterthananyonethekindofpressureI’munder.”
“Idoknowhowmuchpressureyou’reunder.AndI…”Shewiltsslightly.“Iknowthatsomeofthatismyfault.Alotofit,probably.WhichiswhyIcan’tletyouwalkawayfromthiswomanwithoutafight.Youcan’tjustgiveOtetswhathewants.”
“I’mnotgivinghimanything.Hetakes,”Ihiss.“Allhefuckingdoesistake,take,take.Iwon’tbelikethat.ThatiswhyIletCorago.”
Anyafrowns.“Youlethergobecauseyoudon’twanttobelikeDad?Idon’t…”
Coralookedmeinmyeyesandaskedtoleave.Shetoldmeshedidn’twanttostayhere.ShesaidIwouldhavetotieherdownagainstherwilltokeepherhere.
Iamalotofthings,butIamnotmyfather.I’llneverdotoCorawhathedidtomymother.
Anyaseemstounderstandallatonce.Shesighs.“Ivan,thisisdifferent.It’snotlikethat.”
“Iknowit’snot,”Isayquickly.“BecauseIlethergo.Shewantedtoleave,soIlether.It’snotlikeitmattersanyway.Shewouldhaveleftsoonerorlater.Mightaswellbesooner.”
“Don’tdothis.Don’tdenyhowyoufeelbecause—”
Anyacutsoffthesamemomentthefrontdooropens.
Thereareonlytwopeopleonthisplanetwhobargethroughthefrontdoorliketheyowntheplace.Oneofthemisalreadyintheroom.Andtheother…
“Ivan!”myfatherbellows.
Anyagroans.“Justwhatthismomentneeds:twosullenbastards.”76IVAN
“Youlethergo?”hesnarls.“Youlethergo?Thiswomanwasonmyfuckingpayrollandyouletherwaltzthefuckaway?”
“That’swhatIsaid.”
Myfather’seyesnarrow.“Don’ttalktomelikethat.Thisplanwasyourideaandnow,you’veletitgocompletelyofftherails.’
“Theplanisstillon,”Anyacutsin,tryingtohelp.“Ivanisstilllookingforthepeopleresponsiblefor—”
“Enough,Anya!”Otetsswipesahandtodismissherandfocusesonme.“IwanttohearIvanexplainhimself.IhearthatyoubargedintoKonstantinSokolov’sofficeunannouncedyesterday.Now,you’recuttingyourbaitloosewithoutanyleads.Makeitmakesense.”
Iarchabrow.“Ididn’trealizeyoukeptintouchwithKonstantinSokolov.”
“Ihaveto,whenmysondecideshewantstostartafuckingwar,”hehisses.“IbuiltthisBratvafromnothingandIwon’tstandbyandletyoudriveitstraightintotheground.”
Anyaissittingontheveryedgeofthesofa,chewingonhernails.Herlegbounceswithnervousenergy.
Strangely,Ifeelcompletelycalm.
“Sowhatareyougoingtodo?”Iask.
Otets’scowldeepens.“What?”
“Ifyouwon’tstandbyandwatchmemakethedecision,thenwhatareyougoingtodo?”
“I’lltakebackwhatismine,youungratefullittlebastard.I’llforceyouout.Ididittooneofmychildrenalready;Icandoitagain.”
Anyainhalessharply.ShewasforcedoutofallBratvabusinessthemomentshechoseLev.Usually,ourfatherhasjustenoughtactnottobringitup.
Inod.“Youcantry.”
Hislipcurls.“Try?Icandomorethantry.”
“Maybe.There’sachancemoreofthemenareloyaltoyouthantome.ButIwouldn’tbankonit.”
“AreyousuggestingIdon’thavecontrolovermyownsoldiers?”Hisfaceisgoingpurplewithrage.“Youdon’twanttostartacivilwarwithme,son.Itwon’tendwell.”
“Idon’twantacivilwar,”Iadmitfreely.“ButIalsodon’twantyourapproval.Theonlythingthatmatterstomeismakingtherightcallsandearningtheloyaltyofmymen.That’swhatI’vedone.”
“Yousoundsure.”Histoneismocking,buthe’sfishingforleverage.He’stryingtofigureouthowconfidentIam.HowsureIamthatIcantakehim.
“Ifyou’renot,thenfeelfreetochallengeme,”Isaycasually.
Heopensandcloseshismouthafewtimes,atalossforwhattodo.We’vetoedthelineofdecorumoverthelastfewyears,evenashisbitternessaboutbeingforcedouthasrisen.Butnow,I’msaying,Fucktheline.
ThisismyBratvanow.
“Sowhat’sthegrandplan,son?Yourlittlewifeisn’tmuchuseifshewon’teventalktoyou.”Hiseyesremaincoldandhardashetakesmein.“Ishouldn’tbesurprised.Younevercouldkeepawomanaround.”
Istandmyground.“IguessIshouldhavetakennotesfromyouandlockedherup.MaybeIshouldhaveslappedheraroundabittotakethefightoutofher,right?”
“Youlittlefucking—”
“Raiseyourhandtomeandseeifitendswellforyou,Father.Ithinkyouknowitwon’t.”
Hishandflopsbackbyhisside,thoughitstaysknottedinafist.Hisjawworksashegrindshisteeth.Finally,hesays,“Goodluck,son.You’regoingtoneedit.”
Myfatherwalksoutoftheroomwithhisheadheldhigh.Buthemightaswellhaveatailtuckedbetweenhislegs.
Thebalancehaspermanentlyshifted.
Anyawaitsuntilthefrontdoorclicksshutbehindhimbeforesheturnstome,mouthhangingopen.“Areyouthefuckingdonnow?Isthat—Isthatwhatjusthappened?”
“Itwasastep,”Itellher.“Alotofformalitiesneedtohappenbetweennowand—”
Anyathrowsherarmsaroundme,squeezingmymiddle.“ThankGod.It’saboutdamntime.”
Reluctantly,Ipatherback.
Whenshepullsaway,Anyasmilesupatme.“So…?”
“Sowhat?”
Sherollshereyes,frustratedbymyobtuseness.“Nowthatyouhavethatoffyourback,youcanstartmakingplans.Arrangements.”
Iknowwhatshemeans.OfcourseIdo.
Myfatherwantedmetomarrybeforehehandedovertheleadershiprole.That’stheonlyreasonIattendedthepartywhereImetCora.It’stheonlyreasonCoraisn’tundermyroofrightnow—inmybed.
Now,I’mincharge.Newleadership.Newrules.
“Idon’thaveanyarrangementstomake,”Isay.
Anyastaresatmeforalongtime.SolongthatIalmostsaysomething,justtobreakthesilence.It’slikewe’reinaplayandI’veforgottenmyline.
Finally,shespeaks.
“ItwasreallynobleofyoutomakethatdealwithOtetsforme,”shesayssoftly.“Youdon’tlikebigemotionaldisplays,soI’vetriednottomakeone,but…itmeanseverythingtomethatyouwantedmetobehappy.YouhandedoveryouropportunityforahappymarriagesothatIcouldbewithLev.I’llneverbeabletorepayyouforthat.”
“Youdon’tneedtorepaymefor—”
“But,”sheinterruptssharply,“ifyousacrificeyourselfnow,whenit’snolongernecessary,youaren’tahero—you’reacoward.”
Withthat,mysister,whoneverknowswhenshe’soverstayingherwelcome,makesatimelyexit.77CORA
Jorden’spull-outbedisatorturedevice.
ThemattressismoreironspringsthanfoampaddinganditsquealslikesomeoneisslaughteringapigeverytimeIrollover.I’mpositivetheguardsaregoingtobustinanysecondtocheckforaxmurderers.
Afteranhouroftossingandturning,Igiveupandgolieonthelumpycouchcushionsinstead.Jordenissnoringupastormfromthemasterbedroom.
ButIstillcan’tsleep.
MaybeI’vegottenusedtohigherclassliving.MaybeI’masnobnow.Top-of-the-linememoryfoammattressesandgajillionthreadcountsheetsaretheonlywayIcangetcomfortable.
OrmaybespendingnightswithIvanasleepnexttomehasruinedmefortherestofforever.MaybeI’llneverbeabletoforgethim.NomatterhowfarIrun
ThatthoughtisscarierthananynightmareIcouldimagine.
Iboltoutofbedandgrabmyphone.Idon’tevenknowwhatmyplanisuntilItypeinFrancia’sname.
It’slate,butsheanswersrightaway.“Cora?Iseverythingokay?”
“Hi.Yeah,I’mokay.I’msorry.”Iblowoutabreath.“Ishouldn’thavecalled.It’slate,andIjust…IguessIneededsomeonetotalkto.”
“Don’tapologize.Iwasn’tsleeping,anyway.”
“Youeither?”
Shehuffsoutalaugh.“I’vehadalotonmymind.EversinceweleftIvan’searlier…”
HervoicetrailsoffandIrealizeIdon’tknowhowmuchsheknows.Ihavenoideawhathappenedaftertheylefttheroom.AndbasedonthewayFranciaiswaitingformetosaysomething,Iassumeshedoesn’tknowwhathappened,either.
“Jordentoldmewhatyouallfound.”
Sheexhales.“Ifiguredshewould.I’msorry.Ishouldhavetextedyou,butIdidn’twanttoruinthings.Youseemedsohappy.Ididn’twanttobetheonetowreckthat.AndIguessIfeelkindofguilty.”
“Whywouldyoufeelguilty?”
“I’mthereasonyouwereintroducedtohimatall!IfIhadn’tdraggedyouout…”
“Oh,Fran.”Ishakemyhead.“No,no,no.Iusedyournametogetthroughthefrontgates,butImademyownchoicesonceIwasinside.Pleasedon’tfeelbad.”
“Thanksforsayingthat,but…Idon’tknow.Somepartofmejustwantsthingswiththetwoofyoutoworkout.ThenIcouldbeamatchmakerinsteadofalife-ruiner.”Shechuckleshumorlessly.“That’sprobablystupid.Imean,IknewwhoIvanwasbeforeallofthis.Ishouldhaveknownbetter.”
IkeepforgettingthatFranciahasafootinthisworld.ThatshehasaccesstoinformationIdon’thave.
“Iknowyousaidyourfamily’slawfirmhelpedoutIvan’sfamilyatonepoint,butwasthattheonlycontactyoueverhadwithhim?”
“Well,Ididn’thaveanycontactwithhimdirectly,”sheexplains.“Myfamilyknewhisdad,butIknewsomeofhisfriends’friendsfromschool.”
“Wait—youguyswenttothesameschool?Howhasthatnotcomeupbefore?”
“Oh,no,”shesaysquickly.“Ididn’tgotoschoolwithhim,butalotofhisrichfriendswenttothesameprivateschoolIwentto.SoIknewallabouthim.Mostlyfromallofthegirlswhohadtheirheartsbrokenaftertheytriedtodatehim.Hewasarealheartbreakerbackthen.Apparently,hestillis.”
“Areyoustillincontactwithanyonefromtheschool?Maybethereissomeonewhoknowshimandmightbeabletotellme—”
“IwishIcouldhelp,butIhaven’tbeenintouchwiththosepeopleinsolong.TheinvitationtoIvan’spartyisthefirstcontactI’vehadfromthatworldinyears.IwenttoanalumnibrunchafewyearsagoandcaughtupwithGeorgiaandKat,butnothingsince—”
“Kat?”Myradarispinging.“WhoisKat?”
Franciacatchesherbreathandholdsit.Sheisquietforalongstretchbeforesheexhales.“Earlier,backatthehouse,itallcaughtmeoff-guard.Ihadn’theardawordaboutKaterinainyears.Icertainlydidn’tknowshe’dgonemissing.”
“Ohmygod…”
Kat.Katerina.KatisKaterina.
FranciaknewKaterina.
FranciawasfriendswithIvan’sex-fiancée.
IrepeatthefactstomyselfagainandagainlikeI’mafraidI’llforgetthem,butIstillcan’twrapmyheadaroundit.
“I’msorry,”Franciabreathes.“WhenIfirstheardhername,Ididn’teventhinkitwasthesameKaterina.IalwayscalledherKat.Wealldid.Ididn’tevenknowthatsheknewIvan.Imean,itwaspossible,buttheyweren’tfriendswhenIknewher.ButthenIsawthearticleabouthermissingandtherewasapicture…Ishouldhavesaidsomethingrightaway,butIwasprocessing.”
“It’sokay,”Itellher.“I’mstillprocessingeverything,too.It’salot.”
“Yeah,itis.It’swhyIwasgoingtotakethenighttothinkandthencallyouinthemorning.IguessJordenbeatmetoit.”
Isnort.“Shetextedminutesafterthetwoofyouleft.”
“Herprocessingtimeisfasterthanmine,”shechuckles.“ButIthinkI’vefullyprocessed,andCora…Ijustfeelthatyoushouldgetoutofthathouse.”
“Francia—”
“Hearmeout,”sheinterrupts.“IknowthatthereisalotgoingonbetweenthetwoofyouthatIdon’tunderstand.Everythingiscomplicatedandyouallhavesomethinggoingonbehindthescenes,butwhateveritis,yourlifeisn’tworththerisk.IfyouhaveevenaninklingthatIvanhurtKaterina,youshouldgetoutofthere.Icantrytohelpyougetaway.Maybewecan—”
“I’matJorden’shouse,”Iinterrupt.“AssoonasJordentextedme,ItoldIvanIwantedtoleave.”
“Andheletyou?”Shesoundssurprised.
Istillam,too,honestly.
Again,thelookonhisfaceasheresignedtoletmeleaveflashesinmymind.Iblinkitaway.“Yeah,hedid.YashadrovemetoJorden’s,soI’mstayinghereuntil…Well,untilIdon’tknowwhat.”
SomeoneouttherehastoknowsomethingaboutKaterina.Ivanwon’ttellmeanything,Yashawasn’tforthcoming,andFranciadoesn’tknowenoughtobehelpful.Butmaybesomeoneelse…
Maybemymom?
Ifilethethoughtawayasalastresort.Reachingouttomymomforanythingisarisk.Shemaypromisetokeepthingssecretfrommystepdad,butIknowwhereherloyaltylies.AndifI’mseriousaboutgettingoutofthecity,thelesscontactIhavewithher,thebetter.
Still,I’dbedumbnottoconsiderherifIgetdesperateenough.Shespendssomuchtimestandingsilentlybyherhusband’ssidelikethearmcandysheisthatsheprobablyseesandhearsalot.Ifshecan’tbeadecentmother,shemightatleastbeadecentsourceofinformation.
“Well,Iwantyoutobesafe,whichmeansthathidingoutwithJordenisprobablythebestcallrightnow.Still,thisisabigdecision.Youneedtoknowwhatyourchoicesare.”
“HowamIsupposedtodothat?”
“Don’tgetyourhopesup,butI’llreachouttosomepeoplefromschool.MaybesomeoneknowssomethingaboutKaterina’sdisappearanceorherrelationshipwithIvan.I’llseewhatIcandigupandwecanfigureoutwheretogofromthere.”
Forthemillionthtimetoday,tearswellinmyeyes.“Youaretoonice,Francia.EspeciallyafterthewayI’veturnedyourlifeupsidedown.”
Shesnorts.“Noonehaseveraccusedmeofbeingtoonice.Feralcat,remember?”
“Well,you’rethesweetestferalcatI’veevermet.I’mnotreallysurehowIcanrepayyoufor—”
“Youcanrepaymebykeepingmeintheloop,”shesays,cuttingmeoff.“AndwhateverschemeyouandJordenhaveplannedtofleeacrossthecountry,makesureyousaveaplaneticketforme.”
Igrin.“Howdidyouknow?”
“BecauseI’veworkedwithbothofyouforfartoolong,”shechuckles.“Ornotlongenough,Iguess.BecauseIhaven’thadenoughyet.I’llfollowwhereverthetwoofyougo.”
Isqueezemyeyesclosed,refusingtosobonthisphonecall.Finally,Iforceawordoutofmycloggedthroat.“Deal.”78CORA
Jordenslamsthefridgedoorclosedwithagroan.“WhatdidItellyou?Grocerydeadzone.Thereisnothingtoeathere.It’satragedy.”
“There’stoast.”Ihadtopickatinybitofmoldoffofthebread,butI’vehadworse.Besides,IforcedmyselfonJordenwithoutasking.I’mnotgoingtocomplainabouttheaccommodationsnow.
“Wearegrowinggirls.Toastalonewillnotsatisfy.”
Isnort.“Well,I’mfinewithtoast.”
“That’sonlybecauseyouneverwanttogotocoffeeshopswithme.Afive-dollarlattewillnotbankruptyou,Cora.Youneedtolearntoenjoythefinerthingsinlife.Likepastry.Andcroissants.Maybeamuffin.”
Irollmyeyes.“JustcallYashaandaskhimtotakeyoutoacoffeeshop.”
Shesighs.“Well,Iwoulddothat,buthetoldmeyesterdaythatI’m‘takingtoomanyrisks’goingouteveryday.Butthat’sridiculous,becauseI’vebasicallybeenaprisonerhere.AllI’vebeendoingisgoingtothebodegaonthecornerforasandwichatlunch,visitingthecoffeeshopafewblocksoverformyafternooncaffeinehit,andthenhittingthegymeveryevening.Oh,andthetacoshopacrossfromthebubbleteastand.Oh,and—”
“Hemighthaveapoint,”Ilaugh.
ShegrumblessomethingIdon’thearanddropstwoslicesofbreadintothetoaster.“Well,nowthatyou’rehere,I’msurethewallsaregoingtocloseinalittlemore.Adios,hotsandwiches.Adios,hotguysquattinginthegraysweatpants.”
She’sjoking,butguiltwashesoverme.Ichewonmylowerlip.“I’msorry…”
Jordenwhipsaround.“No!Ididn’tmeanitlikethat.YoubeingheremeansIwon’tneedtogoscroungingaroundforhumanconnection.I’llbehappierinmyfour-hundredsquarefootapartmentthanIevercouldbeoutinthebig,wideworld.”
“Veryconvincing,”Idrawl.“IknowI’mimposing.Andreally,ifyouneedmetostaysomewhereelse,Ican—”
“Girl.”Jordenpointstwofingersathereyesandthenjabstheminmydirection.“Listentome:I.Want.You.Here.Okay?Comprende?”
Istilldon’tfullybelieveher,butthereisnopointarguingaboutit.SoInod.“Okay.”
“Okay,good.”Sheleansbackagainstthecabinet.“Besides,howelsearewegoingtoplanourstunningnewlifeifwearen’ttogether?”
“Goodpoint.Doyouhaveideas?”
Ihaven’tbeenabletothinkaboutmuchofanythingbeyondIvanandKaterina.Thinkingaboutmyfuturefeelslikestaringoutanopaquewindow.Ican’tevenmakeoutblurryshapesontheotherside.
Idon’twantFranciatobeburdenedwithmyproblems,butIhopeshe’sabletofindoutsomethingaboutKaterina.SomethingthathelpsgivemeapeekintowhatthehellI’msupposedtodonext
Jordendoesn’tshareinmyuncertainty
“I’mthinkingsomewherecold,”shemuses.“MyauntusedtoliveinMontana.Ineverwent,butshesentpicturesandtheywerepretty.”
Imusterupahalf-heartedgrin.“Isthisthepartwhereyoustartwaxingpoeticaboutthemanyupsidesofdatingalumberjack?”
Shelaughs.“Iwasn’tthinkingthat,butyouwon’tcatchmeprotesting.Flannel,manlyforearms,swingingaxes,buildingus,like,alogcabininthemiddleofapasture…Okay,I’msold.Wheredowesignup?”
Suddenly,Jorden’sfrontdoorsmashesopen.
IthappenssofastthatIcan’tevenreact.MyheartlurchesandIspinaround,butmyfightorflightinstinctisfrozensolid.IjuststareasYashacrashesinside,eyeswideandfrantic.
“Areyouokay?”He’sbreathless,hischestheaving.
I’veneverseenhimlikethis.He’salwaysjokingaround,lighthearted,soseeinghimpanickedsendsaboltoffearthroughme.
“Ofcoursewe’refine.”Jordenscoffs.“Whathappenedtoknockingbeforeyou—”
“Whyaren’tyoutwoansweringyourphones?”hegrowls.Yashastompsintotheroomandspinsinacircle,searching.“Wherearethey?Whyhaven’tyouresponded?”
Jordenliftsherchin.“I’monadigitaldetox.”
“Youweren’tononelastnight.”
Jordenflushes.IhaveafeelingIdon’twanttoknowwhattheyweretextingaboutlastnight.NotifIwanttolookateitherofthemdirectlyintheeyesagain.
Hewavesherawaybeforeshecanrespondandturnstome.“Whataboutyou?Haveyouheardanything?Whereisyourphone?”
“Ihaven’tlookedatitthismorning.”IcrosstothecouchanddigbetweenthecushionsuntilIfindmyphone.It’svibrating.ThealarmIsetlastnighthasbeengoingoffforthelastthirtyminutes,butJorden’scouchabsorbseverything,includingbothsoundandmywilltolive.
Isilencethealarmandcheckmynotifications.“Ihaveabunchofmissedmessagesfromyou.”
“Anyoneelse?”
Idouble-checkandshakemyhead.
“Shit.”Yashapullsouthisownphoneandfiresoffatext.Hedragsahandthroughhishairandcursesagainunderhisbreath.
Jordenstepscloser,ahandreachedtowardshimbeforeshethinksbetterofit.“Whatisgoingon,Yasha?”
“Ihaven’tbeenabletogetintouchwithsecurityatthebuildingwhereFranciaisstaying.Noonehasrespondedallmorning.Ialsocouldn’tgetintouchwithyouall,andIthoughttheworst.IgothereasfastasIcould,butstillnowordfromFrancia’sbuilding.”
Iinhale,tryingtofillmylungswithairbeforetheycandrowninpanic.“Italkedtoherlastnight.”
Jordenwhirlsonme.“Youdid?”
“Icalledher.Icouldn’tsleep,sowejusttalked.Everythingseemedfine.”
“Butthatwaslastnight?”hepresses
“Yeah.Like…sevenhoursago.”Mightaswellbealifetime.Anythingcouldhavehappenedtoherbetweennowandthen.“Haveyousentanyoneoveryet?”
“Idon’tknowwhatI’msendingtheminto.I’mnotgoingtosendtheminblind.”
“Cameras!”Jordensuggests.“Lookatthecamerasand—”
“Down.Theyhaven’tbeenworkingsincemidnight.Theguardsondutyshouldhaveinformedme,butthey’reMIA.”Henodstome.“Callher.”
ItypeinFrancia’snameandpressmyphonetomyear.Shepickedupimmediatelylastnight.Itwaslate,butitwasalmostlikeshewaswaitingformycall.Iprayforthattohappenagain.
Butthelinerings…andrings…andrings.
“Sheisn’tanswering.”Myvoicecracks.“Wecango.I’llgoinblind;Idon’tcare.Ifsomethingiswrong,then—”
“Thensendingyouinwillonlymakeitworse.Jorden,youtrytocallher.”
“Ifsheisn’tansweringforCora,shewon’tanswerforme.”ButJordenstilldialshernumberandwaits.
Sheglancesoveratmeasitringsandchewsonherlowerlip.Finally,sheshakesherheadandhangsup.
“Thisismyfault.”MylegspracticallygiveoutasIdropintoakitchenchair.“FranciawasgoingtolookintoKaterina’sdisappearance.Shetoldmeshe’daskaround.Whatifsheaskedthewrongperson?Maybetheywentafterherand…Shit.Shit.Shit!Thisisallmyfault.”
Yashalaysahandonmyshoulderandsqueezesonce.“Youtwostayhere.Therearestillguardswatchingyou.I’mgoingtogocheckthingsout.”
“Youcan’t!Yousaiditwasn’tsafe,”Jordenprotests.
Atthesametime,Istandup.“I’mcomingwithyou.”
Helooksbetweenus,unsurewhichtorespondtofirst.HestartswithJorden.“Ifthemenareintrouble,it’smyfault.Ihavetogetthemout.”
Jorden’sfacecreaseswithworry,butshestaysuncharacteristicallyquiet.
Yashaturnstome,fingerraisedinapoint.“Andthere’snowayinhellyou’recomingwithme.”
“Ican’tjustsitherewhilemyfriendisintrouble!”
Ifheiswalkingintotrouble,someoneshouldbebyhisside.Plus,whoeverhasFranciaisprobablyafterme.IfIhavetohandmyselfovertoprotectthetwoofthem,thenIwill.
“Takingyouwithmeisadeathsentence,”Yashasays.“EvenifIsurvived,Ivanwouldkillme.”
“Hedoesn’tcare.”
Yashasnorts.Hedoesn’tbuyitand,truthfully,neitherdoI.“Stayhere.Bothofyou.I’llcallwithupdates.”
Thenanotherhorrifyingthoughtoccurstome.“DoesIvanknowaboutthis?Ishegoingwithyou?”
GuiltcloudsYasha’sexpression.“I’lltellIvanwhenheneedstoknow.Thisismyfailuretofix.”
Withthat,heleaves.
Inthesilence,Jorden’stoastpopsoutofthetoaster.Thesuddennoisemakesusbothjolt.ThenJordenplummetsdownintothechairnexttome.“Fuck.”
“Thisisallmyfault,”Iwhisper.“Ishouldn’thaveusedhernameattheparty.Ishouldn’thavecalledherlastnight.Shesaidshewantedtocomewithuswhereverwedecidetogo,andnow,shemightbe…”
“She’sgoingtobefine.”Jordenpatsmyhand.Herownfingersareicycold.“Franciaisonetoughbitch.She’llbeokay.”
Itrytonodalonginagreement,butmyhandshiftstowardsmyphone.
IfIwantFranciatobeokay—ifIreallywanttomakesureIdoeverythingIpossiblycantosaveher—thenIknowwhatIneedtodo.WhoIneedtocall.
Ijusthavetosiftthroughawholelotofpridetopickupthephoneanddoit.
ButifthereisanywayIcanhelp,Ihavetotry.
Thereisn’tanotherchoice.79IVAN
Isleptlikeshitlastnight.Ihavenoonebutmyselftoblame.
Thatdidn’tstopmefromtrying.
AsItossedandturned,IfirststartedtoblameAnya.Itwashervoicethatkeptringinginmyears,afterall.Ifyousacrificeyourselfnowwhenit’snolongernecessary,youaren’tahero—you’reacoward.
Idragahanddownmyfaceandreachformycoffee.
Idecidetoblamemyfathernext.Hispersonalityruledthehousewhenwewereyounger.AnyaandIwerejustkidsandmymother’ssoft,sweetnaturedidn’tstandachance.
“Youhavetotakecareofyourselfbeforeyoucantakecareofothers,”shesaidtomeonce.Shewascuttingbackthepeonybushesinthebackyard,preparingthemforwinter.Elbowsdeepindirtiswhereshewasalwayshappiest.Outsideofthehouse.
Awayfrommyfather.
“That’swhyIcomeouthereeverymorning,”shecontinued.“Ibreatheinthemorningairandfeelatpeacebeforethedaystarts.Whichiswhyyouneedtogetinsideandbacktobed.”
Shewrinkledhernose,grinningasshesweptsix-year-oldmebacktowardsthepatio.
Idugmyheelsintotheground.“ButIwanttohelpwiththegarden!Ineedtofeelpeace,too.”
Mymomplantedherhandsonherhipsandlookeddownatme.Shecouldn’tkeepthesmilefromherface.“Justthisonce.Doyouhearme?Aftertoday,youneedtofigureoutyourownwaytofindpeace.Inyourroom.”
Imanagedtocutbackjustoneofthedozenpeonybushesbeforemyfatherstormedontothepatioandcalledmeinside.Beingsixwasnoexcusetobusymyselfwith“awoman’swork,”hesnarledashedraggedmeinbythescruffoftheneck.
Ilookoutoverthelawnnow.Itlookssodifferentthanitusedto.WhenMomgotsick,thebushesbecameovergrown.Thelawndevolvedintoatangledmessofvinesandoverflowinggardenbeds.Otetsdidn’thireagardeneruntilaftershedied.Thefirstthingtheydidwasripoutthepeonybushes.Heneverexplainedwhyhehadthemrippedout,butIknew.
Theyremindedhimofher.
Now,alineofneathedgesbordersthefence.InevergardenedagainafterthatdaywhenIwassix,butIthinkImanagedtofindmypeace.
AndthenIletherwalkaway.
“Goddamnyou,Anya,”Imutter.
Themomentthewordsareoutofmymouth,myphonestartstoring.I’mpositiveit’smysistersomehowsensingthatshewonthisroundandcallingtogloat.
ThenIpickupmyphoneandseehernameinstead.
Cora
Myinstinctistoletitring.I’llcallherlater.OnceI’vefiguredoutwhatthefuckIwanttosay.Betteryet,I’lltalktoherinperson.I’llshowupatJorden’sandexplainthings.
I’vealmostconvincedmyselftoletitgotovoicemail,butthenIsnatchthephoneupandanswer.
BeforeIcansayanything,Cora’svoicecomesovertheline.“Ivan?”Mynamecomesoutinatremble,brokeninherdesperation.
Istanduponinstinct.“Areyouokay?”
“I’mokay,”shesays.“HaveyoutalkedtoYasha?”
Ihaven’tseenYashasinceheleftyesterday.IaskedhimtodriveCoratoJorden’sapartment,butheknewbetterthantoshowupbackherewhilethewoundwasfresh.Unlikemysister.
“Nottoday.What’sgoingon?”
“Yashashowedupandhecan’tgetintouchwiththeguardslookingafterFrancia.JordenandIbothcalledherandsheisn’tanswering.Italkedtoherlastnight;shewasfine.Butthen…Ithinksomethingmighthavehappenedtoher.”
Blyat.Yashashouldhavetoldme.Heshouldhaveinformedmeofallofthisimmediately.
“AreyouandJordensafe?”Idemand.“Whereareyou?”
“Yashatoldustostayatherapartment,butIwantedtocallyou.IfIcandoanythingtosaveFrancia,Iwanttodoit.YouweretheonlypersonIknewwhomightbeabletodosomething.”
“WheredidYashago?”Iask,eventhoughIalreadyknow.
“HewenttoFrancia’s.”
“Shit,”Ihiss,shiftingmyphonetospeakersoIcansendatexttoYasha.
Don’tyoufuckingdarewalkintherewithoutme.That’sanorder.Standdown
“Areyouworried?”Coraasks.
Iwanttolieandtellheritwillallbefine.Iwanttoeaseherworriesandkeephercalm,butIcan’tlietoher.Notanymore.
“Yourfriendgoesmissingonedayafteryouleavemyhouseandmybubbleofprotection…It’satrap,”Isayflatly.“Someonewantstodrawyouout.Idon’tknowwhoorwhy,but—”
“Imight,”Corasqueaks.
“ThemoreinformationIhaverightnow,thebetter.Tellmeeverything.”
“Iwantto,butyouhavetopromiseyouwon’tbeangry.Franciadidn’tdoanythingwrong,”shesays.“Whateverhappens,youcan’tdoanythingtoher.Itwasallmyfault.Iaskedhertodoit.”
“Dowhat?”Igrowl.
“IaskedFranciatolookintoKaterina’sdisappearance.”
Ifrown.“Whatthefuckwouldsheknowaboutthat?”
“FranciawenttoschoolwithKaterina.Somerichprivateschool.Theywerefriendsonce,butshesaidtheyhadafalling-out.Franciasaidshecouldaskaroundandtrytofigureoutwhathappened.”Cora’svoicecatches.“Sheprobablyaskedthewrongpersonthewrongquestion—butitwasn’therfault!Shewasdoingitforme,soI’mtheoneyoushouldbemadat.Ifsomeonehastobepunished,letitbeme.Butsaveher.Please.”
Thedesperationinhervoicewrecksme.
“Cora,I’mnotgoingtohurtyou.OrFrancia.Forfuck’ssake,that’snotwhoIam.”
“ButKaterina…”
ImadeKaterinaapromise.ButIpromisedCorasomethingaswell.ItoldCoraIwouldkeephersafe.Rightnow,tokeepthatpromise,Ihavetocomeclean.Ihavetorevealthesecretsthatdroveherawayfrommeandputherindanger.IhavetodoanythingIcantogetherbackundermyroofandinmyarms.
“Katerinaisfine.”
Thelinegoesperfectlysilent.IcanfeelCorawaitingontheotherside.SoItellherwhatsheneedstoknow.
“KaterinaandIwerepushedintoanengagementbyourfathers.Itwasabusinessrelationshipmorethananything.AfterthedealImadewithmyfatheronAnya’sbehalf,Iwasreadytoholdupmyendofthebargain.UntilKaterinatoldmeshedidn’twanttomarryme.”
IcanstillseeKaterinatremblingaswedanced.Weweretakingourrelationshippublicatsomeidioticcharityfunction,andshewasanervouswreck.EverytimeItouchedher,sheflinchedaway.Allnightlong,shekepttossingnervousglancesatherfather.Konstantinwasonthesidelines,scowlingather,threateninghertodoasshewastold.Ipulledherasideand,aftersomecoaxing,sheconfessedeverything.
“Katerinadidn’twanttogetmarriedtoanyone,”Iexplain.“Shedidn’tevenwanttobepartofthisworld,butherfatherwouldn’tlethergo.Shewastheoldestofthreegirls.Hernextsisterwastenyearsyounger,soitwouldbealongtimebeforeshewasmarryingage.Herfatherwantedtocapitalizeoneveryshothehadofsecuringhisfamily’sstatus.”
“That’sdisgusting,”Corasaysinhorror.“Ididn’teventhinkpeoplestillthoughtthatway.”
“Alotofthingsaboutthisworldarebackwards,”Iadmit.“Katerina’sfamilymostofall.ItoldKaterinaIwouldcallofftheengagement.Youmightnotbelievethis,butIhadnointerestinmarryingsomeonewhowasn’twilling.Ineverexpectedtofindlovewithsomeone,butIwantedapartnership.IwantedsomeonewhounderstoodwhatIwasofferingandwaspreparedtoofferthesameinreturn.SinceKaterinawasn’t,Iwasreadytoendthingsandfacewhateverconsequencescamefromendingthedeal.ButKaterinabeggedmenotto.Shesaidthatherfatherwouldjustforceherintoamarriagewithsomeoneelse,someoneworse.Therewasonlyoneoption:sheneededtoescape.SoI—”
“Youhelpedher,”Corasaysquietly.“Youtookcareofher.”
ShefinallyunderstandswhatImeantyesterday.
“Itookcareofher,”Iconfirm.“IpaidforKaterinatodisappearandIhaven’ttoldasoul.ExceptforAnya.Andnow,you.”
There’salongpausebeforeCorablowsoutabreath.“I’msosorry,Ivan.Ishouldhavetrustedyou.”
“Youhadnoreasontotrustme.”
“YouthinkIhadnoreasonto—?Ivan,you’vesavedmylifeoverandoveragain.YoumadethatdealwithyourdadtoprotectAnya.Everythingyou’vedonehasbeenareasonformetotrustyou,butassoonasIheardonethingthatseemedsuspicious,Iran.”
“AndIletyou.”Isqueezethephonetight,wishingmorethananythingthatIwaswithherrightnow.ThatIcouldholdher.“Icouldhavetoldyouthetruthrightthenandthere,butIdidn’t.Iletyouleave.Andthatisonme.Allofthisisonme.”
“Youcan’ttakeontheweightoftheentireworldbyyourself.”
“It’stoolate.”Ishakemyhead.“ItoldyouI’dkeepyouandyourfriendssafe,butIletyouleave.Thatwaseasierthanlettingmyselftrustyou.”
“Why?Whydon’tyouwanttotrustme?”
“Becauseitisn’tsafeforyou.Thecloseryouaretome,themoredangeryou’rein.”
Shechucklesmiserably.“Funny,becausetheonlyplaceI’veeverfeltsafeisclosetoyou.”
Igrimace.Ican’tstandwhenshesaysthingslikethat.ItmakesmefeelthingsinplacesIthoughtwerelongsincedead.It’salmostenoughtokillacoldheartedbastard.
“Ishouldhavelistenedtothatpartofme,”shecontinues.“Ishouldhavefollowedmygutandstayedwithyou.I’msosorry,Ivan.Forallofthis.”
“Don’tapologize.”
“Iknowyouwanttotakealloftheblame,butsomeofitbelongsto—”
“Don’tapologizeyet,”Iclarify.“Later,whenthisthreatisneutralized,I’dliketohearyousayit…onyourknees.”
Icanperfectlyimaginethewayshe’sbitingherlowerlip.Thefirethatisburninginhergreeneyesasshesays,“It’sadate.”
“First,Ineedtofindyourfriendandgetyouhome.”Home.Withme,inmybed,inmyhouse.“AndCora…youknowIdidn’tmurderKaterina,butIneedyoutoknowsomething:Iwillkillanyoneandeveryonewhogetsbetweenmeandyou.Anysoulthatlaysahandonyoudies.Iwon’thesitateandIwon’taskquestions.”
Iexpecthertoargue.Iwaitforhertotellmenottokillanyoneforher.
Butshedoesn’tsaythat.
“Iknowyouwill,Ivan,”shesayssoftly.“Pleasebecareful.”
Ican’tmakethatpromise,soIdon’tsayanythingasIendthecall.80IVAN
IhangupwithCoraandcallYasha.
“Letmegoin,”hepleadsassoonasheanswers.“Thisismymistake.NooneelseshoulddiebecauseIdidn’tprotectFranciawellenough.Letmegoinalone.Rightnow.”
“Notafuckingchance.”
“Ivan,”hegrowls.
“No.You’renotgoingintheretodieforthis.WehadnoreasontobelieveFranciawouldbeatarget.NotaftereveryattackforthelasttwoweekshasbeenaimeddirectlyatCora.”
“Ishouldhaveanticipatedit.That’smyfuckingjob.”
“Yourjobistobemysecond.TodowhatIask,”Iretort.“YoucarriedoutthesecuritymeasuresIordered.”
“ButIshouldhave—”
“YourjobisalsotodowhatIfuckingsay,notargueaboutwhoisatfault,”Isnap.“Shithitthefan,andit’snottimetofigureoutwhothrewit;it’stimeforustocleanup.That’sourjob.”
Heletsoutafrustratedbreath.“Okay,butsomeonehastogoin.Theplaceislikethefuckingwalkingdead.Nooneisansweringcallsandthecamerasaredown.”
“TheycouldbeholdingtheguardsandFranciahostageinsidetheunit.”
“Maybe.Butpeoplewithhostagesarelookingforsomeonetotalkto.Itimpliesnegotiations.Whoeverdidthis,theyaren’ttalking.”
Inod.“You’reright.Thisissomethingelse.”
Somethingworse,Ithink.ThoughIdon’twanttosaythatoutloud.
“Whereareyou?”
There’salongpause.IknowYashaistryingtodecidewhetherheshouldtellmeornot.FollowingmyordershasneverbeenanissueforYasha…untilhishonorisontheline.
“Yasha,”Ibark.
Hesighs.“I’mattheparkinggarageoneblocksouth.Iwantedtogetavantagepointonthebuildingandcomeinonfoot.”
“Staythereandwaitforme.Wegointogether.”
Ihangupandturntowalkinside…
Onlytofindmyfatherstandinginthedoorway.
“Ourfearlessleaderisgoingtogethimselfkilledonhisfirstfulldayonthejob,”hesneers.“Whatalegacy.”
HelooksworsethanhedidwhenIsawhimlastnight.Itakeitourconversationdidn’tsitwellwithhim.
“Ifyoudon’thaveagoodreasonforbeinghere,thengetoutofmyway.I’mbusy.”
“I’mnotsurewhyI’mherejustyet.”Heshrugsandmeanderscasuallyacrossthepatio.Herunshisfingeralongthebackofachairashewalks.“Imighttrytoconvinceyounottomakeahugemistake.OrImightletyourunintoanunknownsituation,getyourselfkilled,andruntheBratvaintotheground…whichwouldserveyouright.”
Isnort.“Whotoldyouaboutwhat’shappening?”
“Someofthemenstillknowwheretheirloyaltyshouldlie.Theythoughtthepakhanoughttoknowwhatwasgoingon.”
“ThenyouknowI’mbusy.”
Istarttowalktowardsthedoor,butheshiftsintomypath.“Youaren’tgoingtowastetimeandmoneyonawomanofnoconsequence.Isatbackandletyoushackupwithyourlittlegirlfriendandprotectherfriends,butnooneisgoingtodietosavethem.”
“Youdidn’tletmedoanything,”Igrowl.“Andthefactthatyoudon’tseethatthisisadirectattackonusandourcredibilityisjustanotherreasoninalonglistwhyyoushouldhavesteppeddownyearsago.”
Angrywrinklesfanoutaroundhisnarrowedeyes.Hisjawworksbackandforth.“Ourjobisnottoprotectindividualpeople.It’stoprotecttheBratva—thelegacyofthePushkinnameandwhatI’vebuilt.You’renotreadyforthejobifyou’regoingtoletsomeno-namebitchdistractyoufrom—”
“TalkaboutherlikethatagainandI’llkillyou.”
Hearchesabrow,butdoesn’tsayanything.HeknowsImeaneveryword.
“FranciawasunderthePushkinBratva’sprotection,”Icontinue.“Anattackonherisanattackonus.Someoneistryingtoundermineourauthorityandmakeuslookweak.Shehastoberescued.”
“Spokenlikeasoft-heartedfool.Ifyourefusetosacrificeanyone,thenyou’llgetyourselfkilledandyou’lltaketheBratvadownwithyou.”
Maybehe’sright.
MaybeI’llwalkintothatbuildinganddietoday.Maybethisistheendofme
ButifIdietoprotectCora,thenI’lldiekeepingmypromise.I’lldieasamanofmyword.
“Thepeoplearoundyouarenotpawnsyoucansacrificeforyourownambition,Otets.Butwhenyoutreatthemthatway,eventually,yourunoutofpawns.Thenyou’releftalone.”
Ileavemyfatherstandingonthepatioandgoinsidetoprepare.81IVAN
YashaandIapproachthebuildingfromtherear.Gunsareconcealedundermyshirt,atmywaist,andtuckedatmyankle.Bratvamenarestationedinaperimeteraroundthebuilding,butthey’refurtheroutthanI’dlike.IfsomeoneisinsidethebuildingwithFrancia,Idon’twantthemtoseeuscoming.
“Doyouthinkanyoneisinherapartment?”Yashaasksquietly.
Iscanthewindowsandbalconies.Therearepottedplantsonledgesandlightshangingfromrafters.Ablackcatsitsinfrontofascreenonthesecondfloor,watchingusclosely.
“Idon’tknow.Itdependswhoisdoingthis.Itcouldbeasmalloutfit—peoplelookingforaransomortoboosttheircredibility.Butifit’sanythingorganized—”
“TheSokolovs,youmean.”
“They’rethemostlikely.Butwedon’tknowuntilwegetinthere.”Iseeanemergencydoorproppedopentoourrightandturntowardsit.“It’stimetofindout.”
YashaandIpositionourselvesoneithersideofthedoor.Butjustashegrabsthehandle,myphonevibrates.
Ipullitout,expectingtoignoreit.Butit’sCora.
“Holdon,”Igrumble.Iturnawayandanswerthecall.“I’llcallassoonasIhaveanupdate.JuststayatJorden’sandwaitfor—”
“Ivan,”Corawhispers.Icanbarelyhearher,butshe’ssniffling.Herbreathingiscomingfastandheavyinthespeaker.
Igorigid.Everycellinmybodyisonhighalert.“Cora,tellmewhat’shappening.”
Distantly,Ihearbanging.Loud,echoingsoundscomingfromherendofthephone.
“Cora,”Igrowl.“Whatis—”
“Idon’tknow,”shequietlysobs.“Someoneis—Ithinksomeoneisinsidethe—”
Soundexplodesthroughthespeaker.It’slikeabombwentoffinherroom.
Thenthescreamingstarts.
Ican’ttellwhetherit’sCoraorJordenorbothofthem,butthereissomuchfuckingscreaming.Yashaisnexttome,hisgazemurderousaswe’reforcedtostandhereandlistentoit.
Thenthenoisefades.Thesoundsmovefurtherandfurtheraway…
Untilallisquiet.
I’melectrifiedwithrage.MybodyistremblingandYashahastoprythephoneoutofmyhandsbeforeIcanturntohim.
“Trap,”Igrowl.
Hiseyescloseasheshakeshishead.“Wasit—”
“ItwasCora,”Igritout,myvoicegrowinglouderwitheveryword,“andwefellintoafuckingtrap.”
Ispinaroundandkicktheemergencydoorclosed.Themetaldoorbangsbackintotheframe,andIdon’tfeelanouncebetter.
Iwon’tfeelbetteruntilIseeCora.UntilI’mholdingher—warmandalive—inmyarms.
AndIwill.Ihavetobelievethatwillhappen.Otherwise,Iwon’tbeabletoputonefootinfrontoftheother.
“What’stheplannow?”Yashaasks.
Isnatchmyphoneoutofhishandandstompdownthesidewalk.Ihearhimwalkingalongbehindme.“WefindwhoevertookthemandweeradicateeachandeveryoneofthemfromthefaceofthefuckingEarth.”82CORA
Forasecond,Idon’trememberanythingthathappened.
ThenIpryopenmyblearyeyesandseemysurroundings.
Shadowycorners.Drippingpipes.Theairsmellsdank,likewe’remilesbelowthesoil.Itrytoliftahandtopushmyhairoutofmyface,butIcan’t.Becausemywristsarebound.
“Shit,”Ihiss,jerkingmyarmsagainstthechairI’mtiedto.Themetalrungscutintomyforearmsandtheropeburnsmyskin.“Shit,shit—”
Apalelegcatchesmyeye.IturnandseeJordenslumpedinthechairnexttome.
Mystomachroils,threateningtoupendthetoastIbarelynibbledonthismorning.“Jorden?”Ikeepmyvoicelow.Ihavenoideawhodidthistousorwheretheymightbe,andIdon’twanttoalertthem.“Jorden?Hello?Areyou—”
She’salive,Itellmyself.She’salive,andwe’regoingtogetoutofthis.Whateverthisis.
I’mstilltryingtotalkmyselfbackfromtheledgewhenthere’smovementtomyotherside.Ispinaround,movingsoquicklythatmyshoulderstwingepainfullyagainstthebindings.
Asobwrenchesoutofmychest.“Francia.”
She’sinachairfacingme,herhandswrappedbehindherchair.Herdarkheadishangingforward.There’sdirtonherarmsandaripinhershirt.Butshe’smovingherlegs.
“Francia,canyouhearme?”Iwhisper.“Areyouokay?”
Sheblinksslowly,openinghereyeswidereachtime.Finally,sheliftsherheadandlooksaroundtheroom.
It’sstrangetowatchhershufflethroughthesameemotionsIdid.Theconfusion,thepanic.Hereyesgowide,andIseeherchesthitchlikeshe’sgoingtoscream.
“Francia,”Iwhisperagain.
HergazeslamsintomeandIfeeleverydropofherterror.“Cora,whatis—Wherearewe?Who—Whatishappening?”
Itakeadeepbreathandblowitout,hopingshe’llfollowsuit.Nothingisgoingtogetanybetterifwepanic.Ineedhertostaycalmandhelpmefigurethisout.
Francianodsherheadandtakesafewdeepbreaths.Whenshe’scalmer,shetakesintheroomagain.ShelookstoJordenandthentome,noticingtheropearoundmywrists.
“Wh-whathappened?”Hervoiceishoarse.Iwonderhowlongshehasbeendownhere.Sinceourphonecalllastnight?
“Idon’tknow,”Iadmit.“Youwentmissing,soYashawastryingtofindyou.ThenthesemaskedguyscameintoJorden’shouseand…”Igesturearound.“Iwokeupdownhere.Doyourememberanything?”
Shetugsagainstherrestraintsandthensagsintothechairwithahuff.“Idon’tknow.Iremembertalkingtoyou.IguessIfellasleep,butIdon’trememberit.Thensomethingwasovermyhead.Therewerevoices,buttheywerequiet.Theygrabbedmeand…andI…They…”Sheshakesherhead,fightingbacktears.
“I’msosorry.”Theapologyisdredgedupfromthedeepestpartofme.“Thisisallmyfault.IgotyoubothintothisandI’msosorry.”
“Ivanisbehindthis,”shesaysmatter-of-factly.
Ididn’texpecthertoforgivemeimmediately,butherwordsstillsurpriseme.Theshiftfrompanictotheorizingwaswhiplashquick.
“Well,Imean,wedon’tknowwhoisbehindthis.Ihaven’treally—”Ihaven’tthoughtaboutityet.ThisiswhyIneededFranciatobeclear-headedandnotpanicked.Imaynotlikehertheory,butshe’salreadytryingtothinkaboutwhatishappeninghereandhowtogetoutofit.Ifthere’sanyoneI’dwanttobetrappedinaprisonwith,itwouldbeher.
“Ofcoursehe’sbehindthis,”sheinsists.“Ithoughtitwasstrangethatheletyouwalkoutofhishousesoeasily.Now,Iknowwhy.Becausehealwaysplannedtogetyouback.Nomatterwhat.”
Afewhoursago,Imayhavebelievedher.Butnow…
“Ivanisn’twhatyouthink,”Itellher.“Heisn’twhatIthought,either.He’sdifferent.”
“Comeon,Cora.Lookaround.Whoelsecouldorganizesomethinglikethis?You’veseenhowmuchpowerhehas.Whoelsecouldhavegottenthroughthesecuritymeasuresheputinplacebuthimself?”
She’smakinggoodpointsandmymindisstillsomuddledfromwhateverknockedmeoutthatI’mtemptedtobelieveher.Ivanisstrong.He’spowerful.Hesetupsecurityaroundallofus—aroundJorden’sapartmentandthebuildingwhereFranciawasstaying.Itwouldmakesenseifhewastheonewhobreachedhisownbarriers.Ifhemadeusfeelsafe,onlytoyanktherugoutfromunderourfeetatthelastmoment.
Ishakemyhead.“Ican’ttellyoueverything,butIknowIvandidn’tdothis.”
“Youhavetotellmesomething!”shecries.“Becausenoneofthismakessense.Ifyouknowanything,Ineedtohearit.Otherwise,wemightnotmakeitoutofhere.”
IglanceovermyshoulderandseethatJordenisstillslumpedinherchair.Nowthatmyeyeshaveadjusted,Icanseethatherchestisrisingandfalling.ReliefpulsesthroughmeandIturnbacktoFrancia.
“Katerinaisn’tdead,”Isayquietly
Franciafrowns.“Whatdoesthathavetodowiththis?”
“Ivanisagoodguy.That’swhatithastodowiththis.Thelasttimewetalked,IstillthoughtIvanmighthavekilledKaterina,butIknownowthathedidn’t.”
Franciaisquietforasecond.Thensheshakesherhead.“HowdoyouknowKaterinaisn’tdead?Didhetellyouthat?”
Inod.“Hedid.AndIbelievehim.”
Franciablowsadarkstrandofhairoffherforeheadandsighs.“Iguessitdoesn’treallymattereitherway.”
“Whynot?”
Shetriestogesturearoundandthenletsoutahumorlesschucklewhenshecan’traiseherarms.“Becausewearen’tgettingoutofhere.”
“Don’tsaythat.Wejusthavetothinkandtryto—”
“Trytobreakthroughsteel?”shesnaps.“Becauseyoucan’tseethedoorfromwhereyou’resitting,butIcan.Thatdoorissteelandthere’snolockonthisside.”
IturnmyheadasfarasIcan,buttheonlythingIcanglimpseinmyperipheralsismoreshadows.Irockbackandforth,butallitdoesismakethemetalchairlegsscrapeagainsttheconcrete
Franciawinces.“Stop.Justgiveitup,Cora.We’retrapped.”
Iwhirlbacktoher.“No.No,Iwon’tgiveup.I’mthereasonweareallhereandI’mnotgoingtositbackandletyouallsufferforme.”
FranciaandJordenaregoingtodiedownherewithme.Ivanisgoingtogetkilledtryingtosaveme.EveryoneIcareaboutisgoingtodie.
Anditwillallbemyfault.
“Whatdoyouplantodo?”Franciaasks.“Whathaveyoudonesofar?”
“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Whenyouwerealmostsnipedatwork,whenyouwerepoisoned,whenMikhailcorneredyouattheclub—”
Ifrown.“DidJordentellyouaboutthat?Ididn’tthinkanyoneelse—”
“Whatdidyoudoallofthosetimes?”sheasks,loweringhereyestomeetmine.“Nothing.That’swhat.YoudidnothingandwaitedforIvantosaveyou.”
Ipressbackintomychairandstareather.I’mtoostunnedtosayanything.
She’sright,avoiceinthebackofmyheadsays.You’veneverbeenabletosaveyourself.Youwon’tbeabletosaveyourselfnow.It’sover.
ButIshakethethoughtlooseandtrytodrumuparesponse.BeforeIcan,Franciareleasesasuddensob.
Shewasn’tcryingbefore,butnow,she’sshaking.Itcameonsuddenly.Shock,probably.Adelayedresponsetothestresswe’reunder.
“Wecan’tsaveourselves,”shecries.“Sowhoisgoingtosaveus?”
“Itoldyou,Ivanisgoingto—”
“Whatbig,muscledmanisgoingtoburstthroughthedoorandtakeusinhisarms?”shecontinues.“Whoisgoingtoputusonhiswhitesteedandgallopusoutofdanger?”
Somethingisn’tright.
Thefeelingcomesovermesuddenly.Thehaironthebackofmyneckstandsup.Goosebumpsprickleagainsttheropesaroundmywrists.
“Francia,whatareyoutalkingabout?”
Shelooksupatme,allsignsoftearsgone.Hercheeksaredryandherfaceisonceagainflat.Emotionless.“I’mtalkingaboutyoutakingsomefuckinginitiativeinyourlife,Cora.Foronce.”
ThenFranciastandsup.
Noropesaroundherwrist.Nobindingstyinghertothechair.Shewasfaking.
Shestandsupandwalksacrosstheroomtowardsme,andIcan’tprocesswhatI’mseeing.Now,I’mtheoneinshock
It’sFrancia.
Shedidthis.
ShetoesatJorden’slimpleg.“Shegotastrongerdosethanyou.Soshe’llbeoutforawhile.”
“Letmego,”Ibeg.I’mstilltangleddeepinmydenial.“Untieus.”
FranciagrabsthebackofJorden’schairanddragsherthroughadoorwayIdidn’tnoticebefore.Thesoundisshrillandpiercing.Iwanttocovermyears,butIcan’t.AllIcandoiswatch.
Thenshereturns,hereyesdarkandfixedonme.
Shesmiles.Ifeelthecruelcurlofevilslipdownmyspine.
“No,Cordelia,”shesays,saunteringtowardsme,“Idon’tthinkIwill.”83IVAN
Yashascreechestoastopintheparkinggarage.Leonseparatesfromthecementwall,leavinghispostnexttothebackdoors.Hisbrowisfurrowedlikehehasnocluewhywe’rethere.
Iflyoutofthecar,alreadyrunningtowardsthebuilding.“Youhaven’tbeenansweringyourfuckingphone,”Ibark.
Leon’sexpressionfiltersthrougheveryemotionbeforehedigshisphoneoutofhispocket.Hisjawclenches.“Nosignal.Fuck.”
Thesignalwasjammed.Whoeverdidthisplannedahead.
Yashacomesrunningupfastbehindme,butIgettothebackdoorfirst.IthrowitopenandheadinsideasLeoncalls,“Whatshouldwedo?”
IfYasharesponds,Idon’thearhim.Idon’thearanything.
Myentirefocusisongettinginside.GettingtoJorden’sapartment.GettingtoCora.
Eventhoughsomepartofmealreadyknowsshewon’tbethere.
WhatIheardonthatphonecalltoldmeenough.Theyweredraggedoutoftheapartmentscreaming.
Weskipthebankofelevatorsinfavorofthestairs,leapingupthemthreeatatime.Weexitonthethirdfloorlandingandimmediately,mystomachdrops.
Jorden’sdoorisopen.
Morespecifically,it’sopenbecausesomeonekickeditinwithenoughforcethatthetrimrippedoffthewall.
“Shit,”Yashaspits.
Ihearhisgunslideoutofhisholster,butIdon’tevenreachformine.IknowIwon’tneedit.
They’realreadygone.
Ipushthedooropenandstorminside,stompingoverspilledpapers,anoverturnedstool,andtheremnantsofsomeone’sburnttoast.
“Careful,Ivan.Letmecleartheapartmentbefore—”
“Theyaren’there.”
Therewasastruggle,Icantellthatmuch.Theclosetinthehallwayisopenandhangingoffitshinges.
IimaginesomeonedraggingCoradownthehallwayinmymind’seye.Ienvisionherfighting,helplesstostopwhoeverhadaholdofher.
MyfistsclenchatmysideasImovebacktothebedroom.
Theblanketsarehangingoffthebedandthenightstandisknockedover,butmyeyesarelockedonthecloset.Ontheclothesandhangerspiledinthemiddleofthefloor.Attheclosetrodrippedfromthewall.
“Thisiswheretheywerewhenshecalled.”Iknowit’strue.Icanfeelit.Thesceneisplayingoutlikeahorrormovieinmyhead,andIknowI’mright.
Ishouldhavebeenhere.
AssoonasCoratoldmeFranciawasmissing,Ishouldhavebroughtherbacktomyhouse.
Betteryet,Inevershouldhaveletherleaveinthefirstplace.
That’swhenIseeCora’sphoneonthefloor.It’sthephoneIgaveherwhenshearrivedatmyhouse.TheoneIhadatrackerinstalledin.It’suselessnow.
Ipickupthephoneandslideitintomybackpocket.
Yashahasclearedthebedroomandthebathroomalready.Now,heismovingbackintothelivingroom.
“Ivan!Inhere,”hecallsaminutelater.Ifollowhisvoiceintothelivingroom.He’sstandingbythewindownexttothecouch.
“Thewindowwasunlockedandcrackedopen.Ithinkthisishowtheyleft.”
Ipeekoutthewindowandseetherustedremnantsofafireescape.“Doyouthinksomeonecouldhavecarriedthemdownthisfireescape?”
Yashalooksoutthewindow,assessing.Finallyhenods.“Yeah,Ido.Why?”
“BecauseifIwasinchargeofgettingtwowomenoutofthisapartmentwithoutbeingseen,Iwouldhavedruggedtheminsideandcarriedthemdownthestairsmyself.Fewervariablesthatway.”
“Youthinkitwasatwo-personjob?”
Inod.“That’sapossibility.Or…”
Yashaspinsaround,browfurrowed.“You’renotreallysayingwhatIthinkyouare,right?Iwatchedthatgirlaroundyoufortwoweeks.Ifsheisguiltyofanything,it’snotspying;it’sbeinginlovewithyou.”
Ishakemyheadandgritmyteeth.“Orshewasjustagoodfuckingactress.”
“Thisisridiculous.Lookaround,Ivan.Lookatthisplace!”Yashathrowshisarmswide.“Idon’tthinkyou’reseeingthisclearly.Theplaceistrashed.Webothheardthatscreaming.”
Thesoundofitisstillechoinginmyears.
Soisthethoughtthatsomethingisn’tright.
“Franciawentmissing.Aswewerecheckingonthat,CoraandJordengomissing.Andallthreeofthemaregonewithoutatrace.Withoutanywitnesses.Withoutanyoneseeinganything.”Ishakemyhead.“Howcouldsomeonedothiswithouthelpthemfromtheinside?”
Yashasnorts.“WhoexactlywouldCorabeworkingfor?NeedIremindyou,wefoundherwhenshewasawaitressinadiner.I’vebeenlookingintoherfamilyandthebiggestbombshellI’vefoundisthatherstepdadsharesafewacquaintanceswithyou.Notexactlysurprisingconsideringyouknoweveryone.”
AsYashaistalking,athoughtoccurstome.
“What’sherstepdad’sname?”
“AlexanderMcAllister.”
“LookforaconnectionbetweenhimandMikhailSokolov.”
Yashapullsouthisphone,butIcantellhethinksI’mjustjealousandoverprotective.MikhailcorneredCorainaclubonenight—sowhat?It’snotabigdeal.
I’mhalf-convincedthathe’sprobablyright.Maybeit’seasierformetothinkthatCoraleftofherownfreewillthantofacethefactthatIfailedher.
IwatchYashascrollingandtypingaway.Then,suddenly,hegoesstill.Theblooddrainsfromhisface.
“I—”Heswallowsandstartsagain.“IkeptsearchingforCora’snamealongsideAlexander’s,butnothingappeared.Noonehadanycluewhoshewasandtherewerenoredflagswithherstepdad.Itallseemednormal…”
Ibounceonmyheels,waitingforthe“but.”
Yashashakeshishead.“Butyou’regoingtowanttoseethis.”
Heholdshisphoneouttome,andIreachforitwithnumbfingers.I’moperatingonautopilot.I’mfloatingoutsideofmyownbody,watchingmyselfmovethroughthemotions.
Thescreenislitup,filledwithsomethrowawayarticlefromaboringsocialite-stylegossiprag.Butthere’saphotointhecenter.
OfCora.
She’sinafrillypinkandwhitegownthatmakesherlooklikeLittleBoPeep,andshe’sstandingnexttoaman.She’sstandingnextto…
“MikhailSokolov,”Igritout.“Howthefuckdidn’twecatchthisearlier?Sheknewhim.”
Andshedidn’ttellme.
IdraggedMikhailoffofherandhadhimthrownoutofTheCoop,andCoradidn’tbreatheaword.Shenevertoldmesheknewhim.Mikhaildidn’tmentioniteitherwhenIwasattheSokolovEstate.KonstantinsaidthatMikhailhadthepleasureofmeetingmyfiancée.Hedidn’tmentionthey’dalreadymet.
“LikeIsaid,IsearchedforCora’sname,”Yasharepeats.Thenhetipshisheadtothephone.“Readthearticle.”
Beneaththephoto,thefirstparagraphofthearticlereads:“Earlierthisweek,KonstantinSokolovandAlexanderMcAllisterannouncedtheengagementoftheirchildren.MikhailSokolov,theoldestsonoftheelderSokolovandheirtotheSokolovfortune,ismarryingarelativeunknown.AllwewereabletodigupaboutAlexanderMcAllister’sstepdaughterishername:CordeliaSt.Clair.”
Ilookupslowly,andYashaisshakinghishead.“Ididn’tknowitwasafakename.Cordeliadidn’tappearasAlexander’sstepdaughteranywhereandtherewasnothingatallaboutCorabeforeayearago.”
Istaredownatthepicture.AtthewomanwhoisclearlyCora—Cordelia,Isuppose—withabeamingsmileonherfaceandherarmwrappedaroundMikhailSokolov.
Ifsheliedabouthername,whatelsedidshelieabout?
Ifshedidthis,whatelsehasshedone?84CORA
“Idon’tunderstand,”Isay,evenasthehorribletruthistakingshapeinmymind.“Whatareyoutalkingabout?Whatdidyoustart?”
Shesighs.“It’salongstory,Cora.You’vebeenfallingformyshitforsolongnowthatIhavetotakeitwaybacktomakethisclearforyou.It’sgoingtobe,ugh,soannoyingtorattleoffallthedetails.DoIreallyhaveto?”
Shesoundsbored,butIcanseetheexcitementbrimmingbehindhereyes.FranciaislitupinawayI’veneverseenbefore.She’spracticallyglowing.“Radiating”mightbemoreaccurate,becausetheshitcomingoffofherispuretoxic.
“YoumadeitclearIcan’tgetoutofhere,sowhatelsearewegoingtodo?”
ThethoughtofwhatelsewecoulddodownhereisnotsomethingIwanttothinkabout.IhaveafeelingFranciadoesn’tintendformetowalkoutofherealive.
Shesighsandtwirlsherhairaroundherfinger.“Thisallstarted…fuck,IguessthisallreallystartedwhenIwasateenageratthatgodforsakenprepschool.Iwasneverenoughforthe‘coolgirls.’”Shesneers.“I’llgiveyouthreeguesseswhotheQueenBeeofthecoolgirlswas,andthefirsttwodon’tcount.”Istareathersilently,butFranciawavesmeon.“Goon.Makeaguess.”
Igulp.“Katerina?”
“Ding,ding,ding!”Herupperlipcurls.“KaterinaSokolovranthatplace.Ifyouwantedtobeanyone,youneededtoknowher.”
“Katerina…Sokolov?”Ifrown.“Wasshe—”
“Mikhail’ssister?Yeah.Fuckingkeepup,”shesnaps.“Howwereyouengagedtoaguyandyoudidn’tevenknowhisfamily?”
BecauseIwasn’treallyengagedtohim,Iwanttosay.Itwasallforshow.Ourfatherssetitup,andthensuddenly,IwasgoingtopartieswithMikhailandpickingoutaring.Itallhappenedinamatterofweeks,andtherewasn’tmuchdiscussioninbetween.Mikhaildidn’tcarewhoIwasandIknewitwasawasteoftimetogettoknowhimwhenIhadnointentionofgoingthroughwith
Franciacontinueson.“Anyway,everyonethoughtKaterinawasGod’sgift,soIgottoknowher.Shetreatedmelikeherservant.Anythingshewanted—‘Fucked-UpFrannywilldoit!’”
Ishakemyheadbutitwon’tsettleintoplace.“Lasttimewetalked,yousaidyouwantedsomeonetotakecareofyou.Yousaidyouwerelonely.”
“God,youreallyatethatup,too.”Shelaughscruelly.“Itoldyouwhatyouwantedtohear.It’scalledstrategicbonding.YouwearyourmiserablebackstoryonyoursleeveandIparrotedaversionbackatyou.Helpme,Cora,I’msadandlonelyandIjustwanttobeloved.Fuckthat—I’mgoingtosavemyself.”
“Howisthissavingyourself?”Iask,gesturingaroundthedankroom.“Youaregoingtomurdertheonlytwofriendsyouhave?Forwhat?”
Herfacesplitsintoamenacinggrin.“Foreverything.”
“How?Idon’tseehow—”
“Thenshutthefuckupandletmefinish.I’mtellingthestoryhere.Allyouhavetodoissitbackandlisten.”Shehuffsandcontinues.“So,Igraduate.KaterinagoesherwayandIgomine.Weneverspeakagain,butIseeherengagementannouncementtoIvanPushkin.Iwatchasherlifecarriesonexactlyasitwasalwaysgonna:high-profilemarriagetoaconnectedman,shitouthislittlebrats,andliverichlyeverafter.Everywoman’sdream.Butthensomethinginterestinghappens.”Shesnapsherfingersdramatically.“Katerinadisappears.Bam!Notraceofher.Hereoneday,gonethenext.HerfatherisdesperatetofindherandIseemychance.IcallKonstantinSokolov,Ioffermycondolences,andItellhimmyplan.”
“Whatplan?”Iask,unabletokeepthequestioninside.
“MyplantowormmywayintoIvan’slifeandfigureoutwhathappenedtoKaterina.”
Mystomachdrops.That’swhyFranciahadsomanyquestionsaboutKaterina.That’swhyshewantedproof.
IjusttoldFranciawhathappenedtoKaterina.Or,whatdidn’thappentoher,atleast.
Shedidn’tdie.
Andnow,Franciaknowsthat.
“Konstantinlovedmyideaandhepaidupfrontforit,”shesays.“HegavememoneyforclothesIcouldonlydreamabout,anapartmentwithaview,andaccesstoeverypartyIcouldeverwant.AllIhadtodowashookIvanPushkin.”Herfacesoursslightly.“ButIvandidn’tbite.Thebastarddidn’tevenrecognizemewhenheshowedupatQuinta?o’stofindyou.”
Ifrown.“Ifyouwantedtomeethim,whydidyousendJordenandmetohisparty?”
Shegroans.“Youdon’tlisten.God,youreallyarestupid.Ivanwasn’tpayingattentiontome.Hewasn’tinterested,soIhadtopivot.IhadtocomeupwithanewplanandIknewthatyouandJordenweremybestchance.Ifthere’sanythingmenlikeIvanlove,it’sacoupleofempty-headedskankstoflauntaroundinfrontofhim.”
IwanttodefendIvan.Shedoesn’tknowhimatall.Thatiseverythinghedidn’twantinawoman.
ButIkeepmymouthshut.ThelongerFranciatalks,thelongerIstayalive.
“JustlikeIthought,Ivanmadeabeelinestraightforyou.ButwhatIdidn’tanticipate,”shesays,thatunsettlingsmilecurlingthecornersofhermouthagain,“ishowupsetMikhailSokolovwouldbeaboutthewholesituation.”
Myheartisthunderinginmychest.Alltheburiedthreadsofmylife—thepastIhopedIwouldneverhavetounearth—arebeinglaidbareinfrontofme.
Francia.
Knows.
Everything.
“Mikhailwasupsetbecausehisfiancéehaddisappearedonhim.”Shepoutsdramatically.“Sheranoff,leavinghimjilted…onlytopopupagainunderanewnameonthearmofIvanPushkin.”
Realizationdawns.“That’showMikhailknewwewereatTheCooptheothernight.Youtoldhim.”
“Genius,right?”Shelaughs.“WhenIvanshowedup,Ihopedhewouldseethetwoofyoutogetherandgetjealous,butyouhadhimwrappedtootightlyaroundyourfingerbythen.HethrewMikhailoutwithoutaskinganyquestions.Hewantedyou.Godknowswhy,buthedid.”
ThevenomousragerunningthroughFrancia’swordsisobvious.Nomatterhowpowerfulsheclaimstobe,shehatesthatIcaughtIvanwhenshecouldn’t.Shedespisesmeforit.
“Naturally,IrealizedIwasbeingpresentedwithyetanotheropportunity,”shecontinues.“Inanattempttofindonemissingdaughter,I’ddiscoveredanother.AndIwantedmydue.SoIcalledyourstepfather.”
Myheadthrobs.Everythingisfallingapart.ThefragilelifeIbuiltiscrumblingundermyfeetandI’mnotsurewhathellisgoingtoswallowmewhole.ButIknowitwon’tbegood.
“Sowhoareyoudeliveringmeto?”Iaskbitterly.“MystepfatherorMikhail?”
“TheSokolovsgavememorethanenoughtosearchforKaterinaandI’msuretherewillbeanevenbiggerpayoutwhenItellthemwhatyoujustrevealed.Thanksforthat,bytheway.”Shewinksatme.“Andyourstepdadwasabitcheap,tobehonest.Ifiguredhe’dpayabitmoretofindoutwhereyouare,butyoumustnotbeworththatmuchtohim.Eitherway,Igotmymoneythere,too.Thosedealsareclosed.”
Ifrown.“Sowhat’sthepointofthis,then?”
“Thatisyourproblem,Cora.Oh,wait—doyoupreferCoraorCordelia?”Shewavesahandthroughtheair.“Itdoesn’tmatter.Yourproblemisafailuretothinkcreatively.Imean,youhadsomanypowerfulmenatyourdisposal,andyouranfromallofthem.Forwhat?Tobeawaitress?Toliveinashittystudioapartmentandscrapeby?It’spathetichowyouwastedeveryopportunitythrownyourway.”
“Onewoman’sopportunityisanother’sprison,”Ideadpan.
Sherollshereyes.“Well,yourprisonwithIvanlookedprettyfuckingnice.Overandoveragain,heputhimselfontheline…tosaveyou.Heriskedhispositionaspakhanandallhisconnections…foryou.Itwouldhavebeenromanticifithadn’tbeensopathetic.Butitgavemeanidea.”Shepacesbackandforthinfrontofme.“Ifyouweren’tgoingtoappreciatewhatyou’dbeengiven,thenIwouldtakeitformyself.Byanymeansnecessary.”
“Ivan?”Iask,notquiteabletobelievewhatI’mhearing.“YouthinkthatyouaresomehowgoingtotrickIvaninto…intowantingyou?”
“Hedoesn’tneedtowantme.I’mnotnaiveenoughtothinksomethinglikethatisimportant.ButifIvanshowsuphereandfindsmeclingingtomylifeafterabrutal,heroicfighttosaveyouandJordenfromdeath—afightI’llunfortunatelylose,sadlyforthetwoofyou—thenhe’llmarrymeoutofconvenience.He’llmarrymetokeepthisstoryquietandasthanksfortryingtosaveyou.”
It’sterrifyinghowmuchherplanmakessense.Ivanhastoldmemultipletimesthathewantstomarrysomeonewhoiswell-connected.Check.Someonewhoisn’temotionallyinvestedCheck.Someonewhoknowswhattheyaregettingintowithhim—moneyandprotection,butnolove.Check.
FranciacouldgiveIvaneverythinghewants.
“You’reforgettingsomething,”Itellher.“Youhavetopinthismurderonsomeone.Ivanisgoingtowanttoknowwhoisresponsibleanditwillallcomebacktoyou.”
Shewagsherfinger.“Konstantinwon’tbreatheawordtoIvan.Notwhenhehasaspylivinginhisenemy’shouse.I’llkeepdeliveringinformationtoKonstantinuntilhefindsKaterinaandourbusinesstogetherisdone.”
Isnort.“GoodluckgettingthatpastIvan.”
“I’vegotteneverythingelsepasthimsofar,”shesayssimply.“Healreadyknowssomeoneisafteryou.Yourstepdadisinbedwithalotofbadpeople.Couldbeanyoneofthemwhocameafteryou,honestly.Ivanmayneverbeabletopuzzleitout.”
Mystomachisinknots.I’mtryingtopokeholesinaplanI’mhearingaboutforthefirsttime,butFranciahasbeenplottingallofthissincethemomentwemet.EverysecondofourfriendshiphasbeenaschemeandIhadnoclue.
Franciahasthoughtofeverything.
“You’reinsane,”Ibreathe.“Actually,clinicallyinsane.Noneofthisisnormal.Youunderstandthat,right?You’reacrazyfuckingbitch.”
Franciawalksaroundmychair.Itrytoanglebacktoseeher,butIcan’t.Theropesaretootight.Thenshesqueezesmyknucklespainfullyandyanksonmyfinger.Somethingcracks.Painflashes.Thenaweightdisappears.
Myring.
Shewalksbacktofaceme.Slowly,sheslipsthehugediamondontoherfinger.
“MaybeIamcrazy.”Sheholdsoutherhand,lettingthediamondreflectthemuddylightsofourdungeon.“Butyou’reabouttodieinadankbasementwhilethiscrazybitchgetseverythingshehaseverwanted.”
Myfearvaporizesinaninfernoofrage
“Ivanwillneverbeyours,”Ispit.“Heisandalwayshasbeenmine.”
Franciaopenshermouthtorespond…justassomethingloudshuddersupstairs.
Sheturnstowardsthedoor.Forthefirsttimesincesherevealedherloyalty,Francialooksscared.
“Lookslikemybig,muscledmanhascometosaveme,”Ispit.
I’mhopinglikehellthatI’mright.85IVAN
“Thisisawasteoffuckingtime.”
Yashadoesn’tsayanything,butIknowheagrees.
WesweptJorden’sapartmentagainforclues,butfoundnexttonothing.SowearebackatFrancia’sapartmentbuilding,onceagainapproachingtheemergencyexitdooronthesideofthebuilding.
“Areyougoingtoletmeclearthebuildingthistime?”Yashaasksbitterly.
“Fuckno.”Iwrenchopenthedoorandstepinside.Afewfeetaheadisanotherdoor.There’sadoorbelltotherightofitwithaspeakerattached.ButwhenYashapushesthebutton,nothinghappens.
“It’sdisabled,”hesays.
“Thenwe’llhavetodothisthehardway.”
Ilowermyshoulder.Yashastepsupnexttome,bracinghimself.Thenwebothchargeatthedoor.Ittakesafewhitsbeforethewoodaroundthehandlesplinters.Ittakesafewmorebeforethedoorshearsawayfromthehandleandtheboltandfliesopen.
Analarmshouldbesoundingatthispoint.We’vemadeenoughnoisethatthereshouldbeguardswaitingforusontheotherside.
Butthere’snothing.
Nolights.Noalarms.Nosounds.
Thebuildingsoundsabandoned,eventhoughIknowtherearepeoplelivinghere
Yashapointstowardsthefrontofthebuilding.“Wecancheckthefrontlobbyfirst.Idoubtanyoneismanningthedeskgivenwhatwe’reseeing,butwecouldcheckand—”
Somewherenearby,ahingesqueals.
Yashastopstalking.Hiseyesnarrowashedropsintoacrouchandeasesforward.Itakeuppositionbehindhim.
Maybethiswon’tbesuchawasteoftimeafterall.Maybethekidnappersareusingthisbuildingastheirhomebase.
MaybeCoraishere.
Footstepssoundfromthehallwayupahead.Yashathrowsoutanarmtostopme.“Whothefuckareyou?”heroarsdownthecorridor.
Asecondlater,afigureappearsattheendofthehallwaywiththeirhandsraised.
“Don’tmove!”Yashayells.“Don’ttakeanother—Francia?”
Sureenough,sheliftsherheadandasherdarkhairparts,IseeFrancia’spaleface.Whensheseesus,shesobs.“I’msos-sorry.”
IshiftaroundYashaandkneeldownnexttoFrancia.“Whodidthis?”
“Idon’tknow.”Sheswipesathernosewithhersleeve.Hershirtistornandshe’sdirty,butshelooksotherwiseunharmed.
Suddenly,Franciagrabsmyshirtandhaulsherselfagainstme.Shepressesherfaceintomychestandcries.“I’msosorry,Ivan.Itried.Itried.”
Iglanceovermyshoulder,andYasha’sfaceiscreased.“Sorryaboutwhat?”
Yashaasksthequestion,butFrancialooksupatme.“Icouldn’tsavethem.”
Oureyesmeet.Dreadpoolslowinmystomach.
Suddenly,itdoesn’tmatterifCoraisaspy.Itdoesn’tmatterifeverywordoutofhermouthhasbeenalie.Nothingatallmatters…
Ifshe’salreadygone.
Franciaburiesherfacebackinmyshirt.Ican’tformulatethewordstoaskherwhatshemeans.
ButYashacan.“Youcouldn’tsavewho?”
“Jorden.”Shesniffles,tryingtogatherherselfbeforecollapsingintomoresobs.“AndCora.”
“Fuck!”Yashabellows.Heslamsthepalmofhishandagainstthewall,thenwheelsbackaround.“Whotookyou?Tellmeeverythingthathashappened.Inasmuchdetailasyoucan.Now.”
Thereisn’ttimeforFranciatogatherherselforcalmdown.She’stellingusCoraandJordenaredead,butYashaisgoingtokeepworkinguntilwefindbodies.
Bodies.Thetermfeelssocold.Socallous.Coracan’tbejustabody.Shecan’tbegone.
Shecan’tbe.
Iclosemyeyesandsensearoundmeforsomesignofher.Idon’tfeelanything.Butmaybethat’sgood.Becauseifshewasgone—reallygone—I’dfeelawholelotworsethannothing.
Franciasitsupandcurlsherbodyintomine.She’sleaningonmelikeacrutch,herarmclutchedaroundmybicep.“TheyputabagovermyheadwhileIwasasleep.Ineversawtheirfaces.Thenitallhappenedsofast.JordenandCorawerethere,butitwasn’tlongbefore…before…beforeIdidn’thearthemanymore.”
Didshesuffer?
Didshescream?
Didshecryoutforme?
QuestionsthatwillhauntmeuntilthedayIdieringoutinmyhead,butIdon’taskthem.Ican’taskthem.Notyet.
“Whydidtheyleaveyouhere?”Iask.
Sheturnstome,hereyeswideandwatery.“Ithinktheywantedyoutofindme.Like…likeamessage.”
“Unlesstheygaveyouamessagetosendtome,thatdoesn’tmakeanyfuckingsense.”
Shelaysherheadonmyshoulder,herbreathhumidagainstmyneck.“Theonlythingthatmakessensetomeisthatyou’rehere.Iknewyouwouldfindme.”
IlooktoYasha.Hecircleshishandintheair.Weneedtochecktherestofthebuilding.Wecan’tleavewithoutmakingsureJordenandCoraaren’theresomewhere.
IextricatemyselffromFranciaandpressheragainstthewall.“Stayhere.We’regoingtodoasearch.”
Shebitesherlowerlip.“Bymyself?”
“Screamifyouneedhelp,”Yashasays
Thenwebothcontinuedownthehallway,Franciadisappearingintotheshadowsbehindus.
WeturnacornerupaheadandIstop.
“Somethingaboutthisisn’tright,”Yashamutters.
Inod.“WhywouldtheygotothetroubleofkidnappingFranciajusttodropherbackoffunharmed?”
“Sheheardwhatwasgoingon.She’dbealooseend,”hesays.“Ifitwasme,I’dkillhertobesafe.”
“Agreed.”IbeckonYashaintotheroomtomyrightandclosethedoor.Somethingoccurstome.“Whenyouputthewomeninthesafehouses,youclonedtheirphones,right?CanyoustillseeFrancia’stexts?”
Henods.“Doyoususpectsomething?”
“Itwouldbefoolishnotto.She’savictim,aneyewitness,andthesolesurvivor?Wehavetocheckherout.”
Yashapullsouthisphoneandopensanapp.Heinputsafingerprintandfacialrecognitionbeforeanewphonescreenappearsonhis.Thisonehasaburgundyredbackgroundwithablackroseinthecenter.
“Thisisamirrorofherscreen,”Yashaexplains.“Rightnowsheisn’tdoinganything,soit’sjust—”
Ashe’sspeaking,thescreenchanges.
Atextthreadappears.Thenumberisunknown.Asecondlater,wordsappearintheboxbelow.
IvanandYashainthebuilding.They’researchingtheroomsnow.ItoldthemIcouldn’tsaveCoraandJorden.
Iseered.Myvisionpulseswithrage.“She’spartoftheplan,”Igrowl.“Shedidthis.”
Ifuckingsaiditseemedunlikelyanyonewouldbeabletopullaplanlikethisoffwithoutsomeoneontheinside.ButIsuspectedCora.Franciaflewundertheradar.Sheneverstoodouttome.
Bydesign,Irealize.
IthoughtshewasCora’sfriend.Corathoughtshewasherfriend.Andshebetrayedusall.
“What’stheplan?”Yashaasks.
Igrabthehandleandpullthedooropen.“Shedies.”
Iretraceoursteps,turningdownthelonghallwaywhereweleftFrancia.She’sstillstandingagainstthewall,butherphoneisinherhandnow.Shelowersitasweapproach,slidingitintoherbackpocket.
“Didyouclearthebuildingalready?”sheasks.
Ishakemyhead.“Turnsoutitwasn’tnecessary.Wealreadyfoundwhatwe’relookingfor.”
IpulloutmygunandaimitatFrancia,butshedoesn’tblink.Doesn’tflinch.Shestaresdownthebarrel…
Andsmiles.
“Killmeifyouwant,”shesays,hervoicesuddenlyflatandsociopathic.“Itwon’tsaveCora.”
Myfingerispoisedoverthetrigger.It’sitchingtoretract.Towipethiswasteofspaceoffthefaceoftheearth.“IsCoraalive?Fuckingtellmethetruth.Now!”
Francia’slashesflutter.“Forthetimebeing.Butwhetheryoukillmeornot,she’llbedeadbeforeyoureachher.Orrather,she’llwishshewasdeadwhenshefindsoutwho’scomingforher.”
That’shaunting,butatleastit’saflickerofhopeinthedarkness.Asparkoflightattheendofthishorrifyingfuckingtunnel.
“Whatdoyouwant?”Yashaasks.“Weprotectedyou.Wegaveyoueverything.Whydoallofthis?”
Franciabarksoutalaugh.“Everything?Youthinkanapartmentinsomesecond-rateshitholedowntowniseverything?Iwanttobeinthemansion.Iwanttheringonmyfinger.”
SheliftsherhandandIseeaveryfamiliarringgleamingthere.Shedidn’thaveitonbefore,butthereitis,unmistakable:Cora’sweddingring.
MylipspullawayfrommyteethasIsnarl.“Wheredidyougetthat?”
“Corahandeditover,”shesays.“Shewasmorethanhappytotradeplaceswithme.Turnsoutyourfiancéeisn’tascommittedtoyouasI’llbe.”
Liar.She’slying.CorawouldhavefoughttoherlastbreathtonevergiveFranciathesatisfactionofseeingherwilt.
“YouwanttomarryIvan?”Yashaasksindisbelief.
Shetipsherheadtotheside,grinning.“Actually,Ivanwantstomarryme.”
She’sinsane.Ican’tbelieveIdidn’tseeitbefore.“Notachanceinhell.”
Sheshrugs.“Ifyourefuseme,hellisyouronlychanceofseeingCoraagain.Becauseshe’lldie.Beforeyoucanwrapthosedeliciouslymeatyhandsaroundmythroat,she’llbegone.”
“Whatdoyouwant?”Igrowl.
FranciastepsforwardasifIdon’thaveagunpointedatherhead.Shereachesoutandstrokesahanddownmychest,Cora’sringglisteningonherfinger.“It’ssimple.Iwantyou,Ivan.MarrymeandCoralives.Refusemeandshedies.Sowhat’sitgonnabe?”
TOBECONTINUED
IvanandCora’sstoryconcludesinBook2,COGNACVIXEN
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