Cognac Vixen (Pushkin Bratva Book 2

COGNACVIXEN
PUSHKINBRATVA
BOOK2NICOLEFOXCopyright?2023byNicoleFox
Allrightsreserved.
Nopartofthisbookmaybereproducedinanyformorbyanyelectronicormechanicalmeans,includinginformationstorageandretrievalsystems,withoutwrittenpermissionfromtheauthor,exceptfortheuseofbriefquotationsinabookreview.
CreatedwithVellumCONTENTS
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AlsobyNicoleFox
CognacVixen
1.Cora
2.Ivan
3.Ivan
4.Cora
5.Ivan
6.Cora
7.Ivan
8.Cora
9.Cora
10.Ivan
11.Ivan
12.Cora
13.Cora
14.Ivan
15.Ivan
16.Ivan
17.Cora
18.Cora
19.Cora
20.Ivan
21.Ivan
22.Ivan
23.Ivan
24.Cora
25.Cora
26.Cora
27.Ivan
28.Cora
29.Ivan
30.Francia
31.Cora
32.Cora
33.Ivan
34.Cora
35.Cora
36.Ivan
37.Ivan
38.Cora
39.Ivan
40.Cora
41.Ivan
42.Francia
43.Cora
44.Cora
45.Cora
46.Cora
47.Cora
48.Cora
49.Cora
50.Ivan
51.Cora
52.Ivan
53.Ivan
54.Cora
55.Ivan
56.Ivan
57.Cora
58.Ivan
59.Cora
60.Ivan
61.Cora
62.Ivan
63.Cora
64.Ivan
65.Cora
66.Cora
67.Ivan
68.Cora
Epilogue:Cora
ExtendedEpilogue:IvanMAILINGLIST
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ViktorovBratva
WhiskeyPoison
WhiskeyPain
OrlovBratva
ChampagneVenom
ChampagneWrath
UvarovBratva
SapphireScars
SapphireTears
VlasovBratva
ArrogantMonster
ArrogantMistake
ZhukovaBratva
TarnishedTyrant
TarnishedQueen
StepanovBratva
SatinSinner
SatinPrincess
MakarovaBratva
ShatteredAltar
ShatteredCradle
SolovevBratva
RavagedCrown
RavagedThrone
VorobevBratva
VelvetDevil
VelvetAngel
RomanoffBratva
ImmaculateDeception
ImmaculateCorruption
KovalyovBratva
GildedCage
GildedTears
JadedSoul
JadedDevil
RippedVeil
RippedLace
MazzeoMafiaDuet
Liar’sLullaby(Book1)
Sinner’sLullaby(Book2)
BratvaCrimeSyndicate
*Canbereadinanyorder!
LiesHeToldMe
ScarsHeGaveMe
SinsHeTaughtMe
BelluciMafiaTrilogy
CorruptedAngel(Book1)
CorruptedQueen(Book2)
CorruptedEmpire(Book3)
DeMaggioMafiaDuet
DevilinaSuit(Book1)
DevilattheAltar(Book2)
KornilovBratvaDuet
MarriedtotheDon(Book1)
TilDeathDoUsPart(Book2)
HeirstotheBratvaEmpire
*Canbereadinanyorder!
Kostya
Maksim
Andrei
PrincesofRavenlakeAcademy(BullyRomance)
*Canbereadasstandalones!
CruelPrep
CruelAcademy
CruelElite
TsezarBratva
Nightfall(Book1)
Daybreak(Book2)
RussianCrimeBrotherhood
*Canbereadinanyorder!
OwnedbytheMobBoss
UnprotectedwiththeMobBoss
KnockedUpbytheMobBoss
SoldtotheMobBoss
StolenbytheMobBoss
TrappedwiththeMobBoss
VolkovBratva
BrokenVows(Book1)
BrokenHope(Book2)
BrokenSins(standalone)
OtherStandalones
Vin:AMafiaRomance
BoxSets
BratvaMobBosses(RussianCrimeBrotherhoodBooks1-6)
TsezarBratva(TsezarBratvaDuetBooks1-2)
HeirstotheBratvaEmpire
TheMafiaDonsCollection
TheDon’sCorruptionCOGNACVIXEN
Oneevilstepfather.
Twoex-fiancésfightingtoclaimme.
Threebeautifulwords:“Happilyeverafter.”
Iranfrommyoldlifebecausethemonstersinmypastthoughttheycouldownme.
Foronebriefmoment,IvanPushkingavemeatasteofahappyendingtomystory.
Butnow,thosesamemonstersarebacktofinishthejob.
Franciawantsmedead.
Mystepfatherwantsmemarried.
AndtheSokolovswantmechainedtothemforever.
TheonlythingbetweenmeandthemisIvan.
Butthere’sstuffbetweenmeandhim,too.
Lies.Secrets.
Heartbreak.Hope.
Thiswholethingstartedwithasipofcognac.
Isthemanwhopoureditmyhero…
Ormyvillain?
COGNACVIXENisBookTwointhePushkinBratvaduet.IvanandCora’sstorybeginsinBookOne,COGNACVILLAIN!1CORA
Themomentthesilhouetteappearsinthedoorwayatthetopofthestairs,myheartsinks.
“Don’tlooksofuckinggrim,”Mikhailscoldsashesauntersdownintotheroom.“Yourfiancéhascometoclaimyouatlast.You’regoinghome.”
Idon’tknowwhereMikhailplanstotakeme,butitwon’tbehome.Andhesureasfuckisn’tmyfiancé.
“I’mnotgoinganywherewithyou,”IspitwithasmuchvenomasIcanmuster.Butit’shardtosoundtoughwhenyourhandsarestillboundtoachair.“WheredidFranciago?”
SheleftassoonasMikhailshowedupwithoutsomuchasagoodbye.Iwonderwhatcouldbemoreimportantthankeepingtwowomenprisonerinthisdank,depressingbasement.
Hiseyebrowsspringupward.“You’dprefertobedownherewiththatcrazybitchoverme?”
“You’retheoneworkingwithher.”
“Meanstoanend,darling,”hedrawls.“Franciaissimplyameanstoanend.”
I’mthe“end”he’stalkingabout.ButwhateverMikhailishopingwillhappenheretoday,he’smistaken.IrefusetoletMikhailfuckingSokolovbetheendofmystory.
Iscanthedungeonagain.Therearetwodoors:themainoneMikhailjustcamethroughandthelockedsidedoorwhereFranciadraggedJorden’sunconsciousbodythroughearlier.Asidefromthose,there’snowayout.NotunlessIcankillMikhailandusehisdeadbodylikeabatteringram.Which,hello—handsstillboundinchainshere.
“IfFranciaisameanstoanend,whatisJorden?”Iask.“Youhaven’tcheckedonherinawhile.Sheshouldbeawakebynow.”
Atleast,Ihopeshe’sawakebynow.Ifsheisn’t,I’mnotsurewhatthatmeansforhersurvival.Canpeoplediefromchloroformorwhateverthehelltheyusedtoknockusout?
Hiseyesdarttothedoorandhisjawflexes.“Gone.”
Myentirebodygoescold.“…Gone?Whatdoesthatmean?Sheisn’tgone.She’s—”
“Aliveandgone,”hecorrectswearily,asiffeigninghumanemotionisexhaustingforhim.Poorguy.Nooneeverhasenoughpityforsociopaths.“Sheisn’tuseful,sowepawnedheroff.Thegoingrateonprettywomenwithnofamilytosearchforthemisn’tbad.Youshouldrememberthat.IfIgetboredwithyou,you’llendupinthesameplace.”
She’salive.Ishouldberelieved,butit’scoldcomfortiftherestofwhatMikhailissayingistrue.
Jorden,mybestfriend,traffickedtosomesickowhothinkstheycanownahumanbeing.Jorden,thelifeofthepartywhojustwantedtobetakencareofandloved,soldofftoGodonlyknowswho.Thehorrorofitistoomuchtoprocess.Likesomuchelseaboutthisexperience,Ibottleitupandshoveitdowndeep.
Ivanwillcomeforme.Whenhedoes,he’llsaveJorden,too.
Asifhecanreadmythoughts,Mikhailshiftsclosertome.Hekneelsdown,hisbonyarmsonhisknees,hisskinsopaleitpracticallyglowsinthegloom.
“IsthathopeIseeinyoureyes?”Mikhailtwistshisfacetotheside.“Unbelievable.Aftereverything,youstillthinkIvanPushkinwillcomesaveyou.”
“Iknowhewill.”Iliftmychin,refusingtosinktoMikhail’sgames.Hewantstodragmedown,butIcan’tlethim.
Mikhailstudiesmeforamomentlonger.Thenhelaughs.
Thesoundofitsendsgoosebumpsshiveringacrossmyskin.It’srepulsive.Ican’tbelieveIeverspentasinglesecondbyhisside.ThatItuckedmyarmthroughhisandlethimleadmethroughdinnerparties.Thatwestoodinajewelrystoreandchoseafuckingweddingring.
“You’vealwaysbeendelusional,Cordelia.Yourexpectationsforyourlifearechildish.Likeyouthinkyouliveinsomefairytale.”
“Ifyouthinkyou’rethePrinceCharming,you’reoutofyourfuckingmind.”
Hebareshisteethandhisfistclenches.Forasecond,Ithinkhe’sgoingtohitme.ThenMikhailrelaxes.Heeasesbackandsmiles.“Youalsooverestimateyourvalue.Mostwomenknowwhenthey’rebeingmoretroublethanthey’reworth.Youhaveneverbeenagoodjudgeofthat.”
“IfI’msomuchtrouble,whyareyouhere?”Irasp.“Whynotletmego?”
“BecauseIdon’tmindworkingforwhatIdeserve.You’relikeawildhorse.Youneedtobebrokenbeforeyoucanbeputtoyourproperuse.”
Hiseyessmearupanddownmybody.Ifightbackanothershiver.
“I’mnotyourstotrain.”
“Oh,really?”hesnorts.“Whodoyoubelongto,then?Ivan?”
Yes.ThewordechoesthroughmyhollowchestsoloudlyI’msureMikhailcanhearit.
“Idon’tbelongtoanyone.”
“Youdon’tbelongtoIvan,that’sforsure,”hesnarks.“Ifyoudid,he’dbeherenowtosaveyou,wouldn’the?Butno—justlikealways,youweredifficult.YoupushedbackagainsthiscontrolandyouandIbothknowthatIvanhasnointerestinsomeonehecan’tcontrol.Hedoesn’twantawildhorse;hewantsadocilelittleshowpony.”
Iblinkbackthetearssuddenlycollectinginmyeyes.“That’snottrue.”
“Butitis.”Hekneelsdownagain,hisfacetwistedintoahorrifyingmaskoffauxsympathy.“Ivanannouncedtotheentireunderworldthathewantedasimplebusinessarrangementforamarriage.Hewantedawomanwhoknewhowtofollowordersandwouldn’tgetinhisway.HewantsawomanlikeFrancia.”
Jealousyflaresinme.“Fuckyou!”Istrainforward,rubbingmyalready-rawwristsagainstmybindings.“Youdon’tknowIvan.Nottherealhim.Youdon’tknowanythingaboutus.”
Mikhailbarksoutalaugh.“‘Us.’Fuckingdelusional.Ivandoesn’tloveyou.Heneverlovedyou.Thebastardisn’tcapableofit.”
“Andyouare?”
Heconsidersthequestionforamoment.“No,probablynot.ButIholdtightlytowhatismine.WhereasIvanisalreadymovingon.Whyshouldhecareaboutyouwhenthereisanotherwomanwillingtofillyourposition?”
Iwanttoignorehim.Ishouldignorehim.Mikhailistryingtogetariseoutofme.He’stryingtobreakmedown.
ButIthinkbacktoallthosetimeswherethetruthhitme—whenIwasforcedtorealizethattherearesomanyotherwomenbettersuitedtoIvanandwhathewants.Francia,ascrazyasshemaybe,isoneofthosewomen.Shedoesn’twantlove;shewantspower.Ivancangiveherthatandmore.
Mikhailstandsupandpullsouthisphone.“NowordfromFranciayet.Maybeshe’sbusysecuringthedeal.”Hewinksatmesuggestivelyandmystomachbottomsout.
ThethoughtofanyonetouchingIvanistoomuchtothinkabout.
Hewouldn’tdothattome,Ithink.He’sgoingtosaveme.He’llcomeforme.
Irepeatthewordstomyselfagainandagain,clingingtothewarmthofthethoughtevenasachillIcan’tfightseepsintomybones.2IVAN
“Youwantmetomarryyou;otherwise,you’llkillCora.”It’snotreallyaquestion,justarepetitionoftheabsolutelybatshitnonsensespewingoutofFrancia’smouth.
ThetrulycrazypartisthatFranciadoesn’tlooknearlyasderangedasIknowsheis.ThebitchiswatchingmewithaneasysmilelikeshejustaskedhowItakemycoffee.
“I’mgladwe’reonthesamepage.Ihaterepeatingmyself.”Shelooksdownatherwatch.“Youhavefiveminutestodecide.”
Ican’tdecidesomethinglikethatinfiveminutes.I’mgoingtoneedfiveyearsjusttowrapmyheadaroundtheclusterfuckofthissituation.
Upuntilafewhoursago,IhadneverbotheredtothinkmuchaboutFrancia.ShewasCora’sfriend.SomeoneIneededtoprotecttofulfillmydealwithCora.TomakeCorahappy.Ineverpaidheranymind.
Thatwasmyfirstmistake.
Whileshecoweredintheshadows,unnoticedandunwatched,Franciawasbusybetrayingeveryone.Sheliedanddeceivedusallandnow,Coraisindanger.
Myfault,myfault,myfault.
Guiltthrumsthroughme.Ican’tbelieveIdoubtedCora.Inthemidstofitall,Ithoughtmaybeshewasbehindthis.Maybeshewasaspywhohadbetrayedme.Ididn’tletmyselfthinkthatIwastheonewhohadfailedher
Now,herlifeisinthebalance—anditallhingesonwhatIdecideinthenextfiveminutes.
“Tick,tock.Tick,tock.”Franciaclickshertongueasherheadswaysbackandforth.I’dlovetoripitrightoutofhersmugmouth.
“Givemeafuckingsecondalonetothink,”Igrowl.
Sheflipsherdarkhairoverhershoulderandbacksaway.She’stryingtoplayitoff,butIscareher.
Good.
“It’sCora’slifeyou’regamblingwith,”shesaysflippantly.“Throwitawayifyouwant.Idon’tcare.ButifIdon’tcallmyassociateswithinfiveminutes,they’vebeeninstructedtokillherandsendyouherprettylittleheadinabox.”
Myvisionisgone,replacedwithwhite,blindingrage.IhavetofighttostaystandingandnotlungedownthehallwayforFrancia’sthroat.
“Takeyourtime.Nottoomuchofit,ofcourse.”Shedragsherthumbacrossherneckwithaghoulishsmile.“Butdon’tworry—I’llwatchtheclock.”
I’mstillstaringunseeingatFranciawhenoneoftheBratvasoldiersgripsmyelbowandpullsmeaway.Iexpecthimtotakemetoanearbyroom,buthestartsjoggingdownthehallway.Attheend,wetakealeftandthenwe’reatanemergencyexitdoor.Whateveralarmshouldbeblaringnowthatithasbeenopenedissilent.
AndJordenislyingontheconcretejustoutside.
“Whatthefuck,Yasha?”
MysecondisathiskneesnexttoJorden’slimpbody.She’sconscious,butbarely.“IgotthetextwhileFranciawasgivingherspeech.ThesecurityteamspottedJordeninthealley.Nofuckingideawhereshecamefrom.”
Iscourthealleyforanysignofasecondbody,eventhoughIknowtherewon’tbeanythingtosee.IftherewasasignofCora,theteamwouldhaverelayedittomebynow.
YashahelpsJordensitup.“Canyouhearme?”
Jorden’seyesrollaroundinherheadlikemarbles.Itlookslikeittakesallofherenergytoforceouthisname.“Y…asha.”
Hecrumplesattheraspinhervoice.“I’mhere.”
Iignoretheirhappylittlereunion.“WherethefuckisCora?”
Wedon’thavetimeforthis.IcanhearFrancia’svoiceinthebackofmyhead.Tick,tock.Tick,tock.
Jordenshakesherhead,butdoesn’tsayanything.
“That’snotgoodenough.Speak!Whereisshe?”
“She’shurt,”Yashasnapsatmeinasurprisingshowoffrustration.“Sheneedsadoctor.”
Iknowhe’sright,butthefactJordenisthisoutofitsetsoffaflurryofalarmbells.Ifshe’sthisbadoff,howmuchworseisCora?
“SheneedstotellmewhereCorais.Maybeyouweren’tpayingattention,butunlessyouwantCora’sheadovernightedtomydoorstep,Ineedtofindher.Now.”
JordenflinchesagainstYasha’schestandhewrapshisarmsmoretightlyaroundher.Whenhelooksatme,hiseyesaregranite.“Backoff,man.”
Second-in-command,bestfriendallmylife—noneofthatmattersrightnow.I’mabouttotellhimexactlywhathappenstoinsubordinationintheBratvawhenYashaturnsbacktoJordenandstrokeshercheekgently.“Jorden.Jorden.DoyouknowwhereCorais?”
HereyesfocusonhimandIwatchasshesettlesintothesafetyofhistouch.“Idon’t—No,Idon’t—Iwokeupalone.”
Fuck.
“Where?”Yashapressesgently.“Wheredidyouwakeup?”
Sheshakesherhead.“Dark.IthinkIp-passedoutafewtimes.I’mnotsureifI…Maybesomeonecarriedme.It’sallconfusedandI—Theyhitme.”
Shepressesherscalpandwinces.Yashastudiesthespotandlooksatme,hiseyeswide.“Sheneedstogettothedoctor.Theyfuckingclockedher,Ivan.Shecouldhaveaconcussionorbleedinginherbrain.”
Iknowhe’sright,butI’dleteverygoddamnpersonintheworlddieamilliontimesoverifitgotmeevenhalfastepclosertoCora.
“Doyouknowanyonewhomight—”Igritmyteethandstartover.“Didyouseeanyone?MikhailSokolov?OrAlexanderMcAllister?”
Jordenfrowns.“Mikhail.CoraandMikhail…”
Ileanforwardashervoicetrailsoff,hangingoneveryword.“CoraandMikhailwhat?”
Yashagivesmeawarninglook,butIignorehim.Nowisnotthetimeforhispuppylove.NotwhenCora’slifeisontheline.
“Shehateshim,”Jordenmumbles.Hereyesarestartingtoflutter.She’sfadingfast.“Shehates…Idon’tknowwho.Ican’t—Whatdidyousay?”
“Ihavetogethertoadoctor,”Yashabarks.“Now.Nomorequestions.”
Hecradlesherinhisarmsandstandsup.Andthere’snopointarguing.Jordenisalreadyunconsciousagain,herbodysaggingagainstYasha’schest.Nowthatshe’sofftheground,Icanseethebloodmattingthehairatthebackofherhead.
DidtheyhitCora,too?Issheunconsciousinsomedarkroom?Isshecrawlingtowardswhatshehopesissafety,prayingI’llbetheretorescueher?
Thequestionstormentme.TheytormentmeenoughthatIknowexactlywhatIhavetodo.
“TakeJordentoDr.Popov,”Itellhim.“We’redonehereanyway.”
Yashahesitates.“Whatareyougoingtodo?”
WhateverittakestokeepCorasafe.
“I’mgoingtomarryFrancia.”3IVAN
“No!”Yashashakeshishead.“No.Iwon’tletyoumarrythatpsychotic—”
“Idon’thaveachoice.”
“Youalwayshaveachoice!You’reIvanPushkin,forfuck’ssake.Thereisalwaysawayout.”
Yashaisn’tpronetoidealism.It’soneofthemanyreasonsIchosehimasmysecond.Butheknowswhatmyjobis.Whatmyjobtrulyis:I’mamanwhoknowshowtomakethetoughcallsotherpeoplearetooafraidtomake.
Thisisoneofthem.
“Sheplayedus,sobrat.Franciaplayedusallforfools.TheonlywaytosaveCoranowistogiveherwhatshewants.”
“No.Therehastobeanotherway.”
“Notonewecanfigureoutin—”Iglanceatmyphone.“Twominutes.”
Myheartbeatrampsup,matchingpacewiththesecondstickingpast.Timeisrunningoutfast.
JordenstirsinYasha’sarms.Shegrabshisshoulderandtriestositup,butsheisweak.Shecanbarelyholdon.
“Relax,”Yashareassuresher.“Ihaveyou.”
Herheadswivelstome,hergazeglassy.“Cora…Youneedher.Shetalksabout…youtwo.Two…together.”
“Gethertothedoctor,Yasha.Sheisn’tmakingsense.”
Exceptsheis.Iknowwhatshe’ssayingaswellasYashadoes.Butit’snotpossible.CoraandIcan’tbetogether.Notinthislifetime.I’dratherbreakherheartandsaveherlifethandoomhertodyingbecauseofme.
“WhenwefindCora,she’llbedestroyedifshefindsout—”
“She’llbedeadifIdon’tdothis,”Ibiteback.“Itdoesn’tmatteranyway.Ineverwantedawife.”
Yashagivesmeaknowinglook.“C’mon,Ivan.Thatwasdifferent.Thatwasbefore.Now—”
“Now,I’mgoingtomarryFranciaandsaveCora’slife.What’sonebridecomparedtoanother?”Mywordsareice-cold,butYashadoesn’tlookconvinced.NeitheramI.Heopenshismouthtorespond,butIshakemyheadandpointdownthealley.“Go.Now.Jordenneedsyou.”
Ifthesituationwasanydifferent,IknowYashawouldn’tleave.He’dstandhereandfightashardformeasIwouldforhim.ButJordenhasslippedintounconsciousnessagain.Bloodfromthewoundonthebackofherheadhassoakedintohisshoulder.Sheneedsmedicalattention.
So,withadrawn-outsigh,Yashagivesmeonefinallookandthenturnsandcarriesherdownthealleyway.
WhenIgetbackinside,Franciaiswaitingforme.“Iwasgettingnervousyou’dmadearunforit,”shetitters.“Itwouldn’tbethatsurprising,Isuppose.IneverunderstoodyourinterestinCora.”
“Don’tyoudaresayherfuckingname.”
Thewordstearoutofmythroat.Franciaissmartenoughtopressherlipstogetherandstayquiet.
“Ihavedemands,”Iadd.
Shearchesabrow.“IthoughtIwastheonemakingdemands.”
“We’veenterednegotiations,”Itellher.“Youmadeademand;now,I’mcountering.Doyouwanttohearitornot?”
“Byallmeans.Butknowthatyouonlyhave…”Shelooksatherwatch.“Oneminute.”
Sixtysecondstonegotiatetherestofmylife.Nopressure.
“Ifyou’regoingtomarryme,youwillplaytheroleofthetraditionalBratvawife.”
“Meaning…?”
“Youaretobeseen,notheard.”ThoughIwouldn’tmindifshewasn’tseen,either.“YouhavenopoweroveranypartoftheBratva—thatremainsfullyinmycontrol—andweliveinseparatewingsofthehouse.”
Shefrowns.“WereyouandCoralivinginseparatewings?”
“Corawasn’tmywife.”
Inmyhead,Iadd,Shewasmorethanthat.
WhatIhadwithCoraismorethananythingI’lleverhavewithFrancia.ThefactFranciathinksI’llevertreatherthewayItreatedCorashowsexactlyhowdelusionalshereallyis.
Shehums,considering.“Isthatall?”
“IalsowantproofthatCoraisalive.NowandwheneverIrequestitfromthismomentforward.”
“Asyouwish.”Francia’smouthpinchesintoaslygrin.Sheslowlyslinksforward,movingclosertomethansheoughttodare.“Ican’tdemandthatyouloveme,Ivan.ButonceyouseehowperfectlyIfitintoyourworld…onceyouseemecarryyourchildren…whoknowswhatmighthappen?”
Notthat.Notever.
Ideciderighthere,rightnow,thatIwillnevertouchFrancia.Fuckmylineage.FucktheBratva.I’llleaveittoYasha’schildreninmywillifImust.ButIwillneverlaysomuchasafingernearFrancia—unlessit’storipherstill-beatingheartoutofherchest.
Asthevowcrossesmymind,Franciaextendsherhand.“Dowehaveadeal?”
“Onemorething.”IreachoutandsnareFrancia’swristfrommid-air.Sheyelpsasmyhandswallowsupherfingerandyanks.
“Whatthefuckareyoudoing!Thatis—”
“Notyourring,”Ifinish.
IstepbackandopenmypalmtorevealCora’sengagementbandshininginthepalmofmyhand.ItlookedwrongonFrancia’sfinger.Itlookswronghere.Itbelongsinoneplaceonly.
IlookupatFranciaasastormcloudsettlesonherbrow.She’savengefulbitch—thatmuchhasbecomeblindinglyobvious.IfI’mgoingtonavigatethisrelationship,Ihavetoplayitright.Carefully.IneedherdocileuntilI’mreadytomakemynextmove.Sofornow,thatmeansforcinglittlewhiteliesdownherthroatonebyone.
“Youdon’twantahand-me-down,doyou?”Icroon.“I’llgetyouyourownring.Onethatsuitsyou.”
Preferablyonetiedtoacementblockthatiswellonitswaytomeetingthebottomoftheocean.
RevengefantasiesaretheonlythingthatwillgetmethroughthisrelationshipwithFrancia,howeverlongithastolast.Becauseoutwardly,I’llhavetoplaymypart.I’llhavetoeaseFrancia’svindictivesideandlureherintoafalsesenseofsecurity.UntilIcanfindCoraandkilleveryonewhoplayedapartinseparatingus.
Francia’ssmilegrowsslowly.Thenshenodsandpullsoutherphone.“Ilikewhitegold.Andbigdiamonds.Sparenoexpense.”
“Ineverhave.”
“That’swhatIliketohear.”Shepressesherphonetoherear.“It’sdone.”
Thenshehastheaudacitytowinkatme.Likethischapterisfinished.
Butnothingaboutthisisdone.
Wearejustgettingstarted.4CORA
Mikhailcan’tshutup.He’sincapableofit.SoIdomybesttotunehimout
AsherattlesoffallofthewaysthatI’mill-suitedtobewithIvan,Icountstonesinthegrimywallacrossfromme.Whilehekeepsblabbing,ItwistmywristsagainstmybindingsuntilInearlycryoutfromthepain.I’drathersevermyownhandswithnothingbutfrictionthanspendanothersecondinthesameroomwithMikhailSokolov.
Thankfully,beforeIcangetthatfar,Mikhail’sphonerings.
“Finally!”Awickedsmiletwistshispaleface.“Franciamustfinallybedonewithhim.Thatdidn’ttakelong,didit?”
He’saliar.Nothinghe’ssayingistrue.Hedoesn’tknowwhathappenedbetweenFranciaandIvananymorethanIdo.
Still,thewordssticktheirlandinginadeep,jealouspartofme.Iturnawaysohedoesn’tseemecringe.
Hepresseshisphonetohisearandturnstowardsthewall,thesmiledisappearingfromhisface.“Well?”
Iwatchhimcarefully,butIcan’thearanything.Thisroomissoundproof.Airproof,tooThestonewallsandfloorarestifling,swallowinganydropofsoundthatmighttrytomakeitswaytome.
Mikhailnodsandhums.Heletsoutafew“Okays.”Noneofitisuseful.NoneofiteasestheburningneedtoknowwhereIvanisandwhyheisn’therewithme.
ButthelongerIwait,themoreMikhail’swordsslitherbehindmyweakeningdefenses.
IvanchoseFrancia.Hesawthewayshemanipulatedhissecurityandplayedherrole.Thefirehesawinme?Itburnstentimesbrighterinher.SheiseverythingIcouldneverbe:afierceBratvawife.Anassettohisempire.
He’sgoingtochooseherandthiswillbetheendofme.
Isitstraighter.IsthishowIdie?InthedarkatthehandsofMikhailSokolov?Iliterallycan’tthinkofaworseending.
ThenMikhailturnsbacktome.Hisexpressionisunreadable,buthethruststhephonetowardsmyear.
Ilookupathim,readytoaskwhathe’sdoing.Then,withoutwarning,hegrabsmyarmandtwists.
Fireshootsupmyinjuredwrist.Myshoulderbladeburnsandmyforearmscrapesagainstmybindings.Icryoutandtrytopullaway,butitonlymakesitworse.
Mikhailletsgoofmewithalaugh,thephonebackagainsthisownear.“Howisthatforproofoflife?”
Mybodystillaches,butitdullsintherushofrelief.IvanwantedtomakesureIwasalive.Hecares.Heisn’tgoingtoleavemeherewithMikhail.He’sjustmakingadealandthenhe’llgetmeout.I’llbesaved.
BythetimeMikhailistuckingthephonebackinhispocket,I’veconvincedmyselfthatthisisalmostover.IfIjusthangonforafewmoreminutes,MikhailwilluntiemeandhandmeovertoIvan.I’llgohomewithhim.Home.Tohismansion,hisbed.I’llbesafeandwarmwrappedintheheatofhisbody.
Jordenwentthroughaphaseafewmonthsagowhereshewouldn’tshutupaboutmanifesting.Justtelltheuniversewhatyouwantandboom,presto-change-o,you’llgetitI’mtryingtobelieveinit,clickingmylittlerubyredslipperstogetherandprayingforIvantocomeburstingthroughthedoor.
Butitstaysshut.
AndMikhail’sgringrowswider.
“Oh,youpoorthing.IsthatstillhopeIseeonyourface?”Mikhailgivesmeasarcasticpout.“Ivanisnotcoming.Isthatwhatyouwereimagining?Heisn’tcomingforyou.”
Ittakeseverythinginmenottodissolveintotears.
Mikhailsensestheweaknessanddrawscloser.Hisvoiceisalow,insistenthiss.“AreyoufinallyrealizingthatyouwerenothingmorethanapawninIvan’sgame?Henevercaredaboutyou.Youwerejustthelatestwomaninalonglineofthem,willingtosuckhiscockwheneverhefelttheneed.”Iturnmyfaceaway,butMikhailgripsmychinandforcesmetolookathim.“IvanPushkinnevergaveafuckaboutyouandnow,he’sgoingtomarryFrancia.Youwerenothingmorethanadistraction.”
Iwanttopushbackagainstwhathe’ssaying,butIdon’thavetheenergy.Notwheneverythinghe’ssayinglinesupsoperfectlywithwhatI’vefeltallalong.
Ivanneededsomeoneelse.Someonebetter.
Now,hehasthat.
HehasFrancia.5IVAN
IwatchFranciatalkonthephone.Hervoiceisanannoyingdrone,likeamosquito’s.Sheisn’tsayinganythinguseful.
Thedealisdone.
Youknowwhattodo.
Asweagreed…
AllIcanthinkaboutishowcloseIamtoCora.She’sonephonecallaway.Rightthere,ontheotherendofthisline.ThisistheclosestI’vebeentoherindaysandIstillcan’ttouchher.Can’tseeher.
Issheconscious?Isshealive?Idon’tfuckingknow.
Thewrongnessofnotbeingwithhersettlesinmyveins.EspeciallyasFranciahandsmethephone.
Herlipsarepursed.She’ssmuginhersuccess,howevertemporaryIintendforittobe.Shewouldn’tlooksopleasedifsheknewallthesickfantasiesswirlinginmyhead.Mostofthemendwithherinseveraldistinctpieces.
Isnatchthephoneawaywithouttouchingherhandandpressittomyear.
Atfirst,thereisnosound.NodistinguishingbackgroundnoisetocluemeintowheretheymightbeholdingCora.Ipressthephonehardertomyear,desperatetohearanything.I’mabouttorevealexactlyhowdesperateIamandcalloutCora’sname…
ThenIhearsomething.
Shuffling.Astruggle.Chainsrattleandfeetskidacrossahardfloor.Butallofthatisbackgroundnoisetothemainevent.
Cora’sscream.
IknowFranciacanhearitthroughthespeaker.She’swatchingmecarefully,butIkeepmypakhanmaskonandupevenasIwantnothingmorethantoripitoffandhowlinrage.I’dsmashFrancia’sfragileskullagainstthewallifIthoughtitwouldhelp.Butwhoevershe’sworkingforwouldkillCoraregardless.Franciahasplannedforthatcontingency.Sheiscrazyenoughthatshe’swillingtodiebeforethismissionfails.
I’mnotwillingtoletCorasufferthesamefate.
SoIbitemytongueandlistentoherscream.
Whenshestops,she’spanting.Anothervoicecomesovertheline.AsneeringvoiceIrecognizealltoowell.“Howisthatforproofoflife?”MikhailSokolovasks.
This“proofoflife”justsecuredMikhail’spainfuldeath.Ifit’sthelastthingIeverdo,I’llmakehimpayforhurtingher.He’llregrettouchingCorafortherestofhisshort,miserableexistence.I’mgoingtomakesureofit.
Francia’sdarkeyesarenarrowedonme.Ican’ttellifthiswaspartofherplanornot.Itwouldn’tsurprisemeifMikhailwasgoingoff-book.Hehasneverbeenonetofollowstrictorders.Growingupthespoiledonlysonofamaniacwilldothattoyou.ButFranciaisinscrutable.
Itdoesn’tmatter.She’lldieeitherway.Justlikehim.
ImeethereyesasIspeaktoMikhail,mywordsslowandeven.“I’mgoingtosaythisonce,soyoubetterlisten.”
“God,youreallythinkyoucontrolusall,don’tyou?”hesnarks.“Youarenotmy—”
“IfCorascreamslikethatagainatanypointbetweennowandtheendoftime,Iamgoingtoburnyourworldtotheground.”
Mikhailhasgonequiet.Francia’slipspurse,butsherefusestobreakeyecontactwithme.SheknowsaswellasIdothatthepowerbalancebetweenusisinflux.Shehastheupperhandnow,butshe’llhavetomaintainit.
AndIplantomakeherfuckingworkforit.
“Sheisn’tyoursanymore,”Franciaspits,ahardedgetohervoice.
“I’mnotsayingthisbecauseshe’smine,”Iexplaintothemboth.“Thisisbecauseyoumademeanoath.Coralives.Period.Ifyoufailtofulfillyourpromise,I’llkillyouboth.”
Shearchesabrow.“Iguessyou’vealwaysbeenasoftieforwomensuffering,haven’tyou?Yoursister,Katerina…”
Idon’treact.TossingoutKaterina’snameisherwayofpushingmeoff-balance.ButI’mimmovable.
Soonenough,I’llkillherandMikhail.I’llwipeeverylastSokolovoffthefaceoftheearth.I’llgetCorabackandI’llspendtherestofmylifemakingthisuptoher.
Untilthen,thegameison.
Franciablowsoutacasualbreath.“Well,Iguesswe’realldonehere.Unlessthere’sanythingleftyouwanttodiscuss…?”
Idon’trespond,butshecarriesonanyway.
“I’lltakeyoursilenceasa‘no.’Sothat’sthat.I’llbeatyourplacein”—shechecksherwatch—“anhour?Iguessit’sourplacenow,isn’tit?”
Fuck,no.Never.
“Thatwilltakesomegettingusedto.”Shesmilesandreachesout.Herhandstrokestheairovermyarm,notcomfortableenoughtotouchmejustyet.“Forbothofus.”
Istepback,puttingmorespacebetweenus.“Don’tforgetthedetailsofourarrangement.You’llhaveyourwing.I’llhavemine.”
Sherollshereyes,butkeepsafakesmileonherface.“I’llbehomeinanhour.Ihaveafewthingstopackupfirst.Areyougoingtobetheretocarryyournewbrideoverthethreshold?”
“I’llbetheretowatch,”Isayflatly.“Andunlessyoumanagetobreakbothyourlegsinthenexthour,I’msureyoucanwalkinbyyourself.”
Francia’sfaceistight,butsheforcesoutalaugh.“Seeyousoon,darling.”
“Toosoon,”Imutter.
Ifshehearsme,shedoesn’tshowit.Shesashaysdownthehallwayandleavesmealone,myknuckleswhitearoundherphone.6CORA
Idon’tevenhavetearstoblinkback.
Thestormoffaithandfearsandcourageanddoubtthathasragedthroughmeforhoursissuddenlyquiet…which,inaweirdway,istheworstfeelingofall.
“Ialmostpreferredwhenyouhadalittlehope,”Mikhailcomments.“Itwasmoreinteresting.”
Ilookup.Mikhailiswatchingmewithapout.HelookslikeachildstaringdownattheruinedtangleoftheirSlinkie.He’sdestroyedmyhopeandI’vedestroyedhissadisticfun.Thetwooffensesdon’tseemanywhereclosetoequal,asfarasI’mconcerned.
“Ah,well.Onwardandupward.”
Hewalksaroundmychairandfiddleswiththechainsonmywrist.Whenheseesmycuts,hewincesandpokesattheraw,oozingskin.Ittakeseverythinginmenottocryoutinpainagain.
“That’sgross.Youshouldreallycleanthatupbeforeitgetsinfected.Ihavealotofbigplansforyou.”Suddenly,hisbreathishotagainstmyear.“Manyofwhichinvolveyourhands.”
ThethoughtofwhateverelseMikhailhasplannedisenoughtomakemehurl.“Ifyoudon’tgetmesomethingtoeatsoon,therewon’tbeanythingleftofme,bigplansornot.”
Thechainaroundmywristclatterstotheground.AssoonasI’mfree,Iclutchmyhandstomychest.Idon’tneedtolookatthedamagetoknowit’sthere.Thecoolairhissesagainsttheexposedfleshlikerubbingalcohol.IfIlookdown,Imightpassout.AndIdon’tdaretobethatvulnerablewithMikhail.
“Patience,”hecroons,walkingaroundmychairtofacemeagain.“I’mtakingyouhome.”
Home?Foronesolitarysecond,Ithinkhemeansmyhome.Ivan’shome.Thenthatfairytalefracturesintoathousand,razor-sharppieces.
“Doyoumean…Doyouhaveahouse?IthoughttheSokolovestatewaswhereallofyoulivedtogether.”
Maybethatwouldbeforthebest.Mikhail’srottenappledidnotfallfarfromhisdaddy’sfucked-uptree,butifwearesurroundedbyMikhail’syoungersistersandthehouseholdstaff,maybethat’llatleastkeephimfromgoingcompletelyandtotallyapeshit.Ifnothingelse,it’llbeniceraccommodationsthanthisfoul,cobwebbydungeon.
Withoutwarning,Mikhailgrabsmebytheelbowandhaulsmeontoshakylegs.Hedoesn’tgrabmebymywrists,whichistheonlymercyhehasshownmein…well,ever
“Asfunasitwouldbetotakeyouhomewithme,I’mamanoftradition.”
Ifrownupathim,waitingforunderstandingtoclickintoplace.
“I’mnottakingyoutomyhome,”heexplains.“I’mtakingyoutoyours.Ineedyourfather’spermission,afterall.”
Thereitis.Understanding.Itclicksintoplacelikethecockingofagun.
“Alexander?”Irasp.“My…myparents?You’retakingmetomyparents.”
Franciaadmittedshesoldmeouttomystepfather.IwasjustsodistractedwitheverythingelsethatIforgot.
Mikhailslidesclosertome.Instinctively,Ijerkbackfromhim.Butheholdsmestillwithastrengththathisthinarmsshouldn’tbecapableof.
“Yourmotherandstepfatherwillbesohappytohearourbignews,”hedrawlsthroughclenchedteeth.“Theyalwayslovedme.”
“Theylovedyourmoney.”
Heshrugs.“Closeenough.”
“Don’tyoucareabout…aboutanything?Theyonlywanttoworkwithyoubecauseyou’rerich.Theydon’tevenknowyou.Wouldn’tyourathermarrysomeonewhoactuallylovesyou?”
Ifeellikeacorneredgazellepleadingwithalionformylife.EvenasIknowitwon’tdoanygood.ThesamewayIwasraisedtobeprey—tostayquietandobey—Mikhailwasraisedtobeapredator.Heisdoingwhathewastaught.
“I’drathermarrysomeonewhocangivemewhatIwant.”
“Whichiswhat,exactly?”IaskthatasifIhaveanythingatallIcouldgivehim.
Hesmilesandstrokesacallusedfingerdownmyjaw.Iturnaway,butheforcesmyfacebacktohis.“IwanteverythingIvanPushkinhas.”
Anyemberofhopethatmighthavesurvivedsnuffsout.
Iturntowardsthedoorbehindme.TheplacewhereFranciadraggedJorden.Ifshewasstillbackthere,wecouldhavetriedtofightMikhailtogether.Wecould’vetriedtoescapeand—
Itdoesn’tmatter.It’simpossible.Thenandnow.
JordenisgoneandIdon’tneedtotryanythingtoknowthatMikhailisn’tgoingtoletmeescapethistime.Morethanthat,mystepfatherwon’t,either.I’vefooledthemallbefore.Theywon’tsitbackandletithappenagain.
Mikhailbrushesathumbovermylowerlip.Itastethesaltfromhisfingertip.“Don’tlooksoglum,Cordelia.I’llmakesureyou’retakencareof.”
“Inexchangeforwhat?”Iask.“Iknowyouwellenoughtoknownothingcomescheap.”
Hesmirks.“Allitwillcostyouisyourworship.”
Iblink,stunned.“Pardon?”
“Treatmeasyourgod,”hesayscasually.“WhateverIsayisgospel.WhateverIwant,yougiveme.LiveanddiebymydesiresandI’llmakesureyouhaveeveryextravaganceyoucouldeverwant.”
Ivan.IwantIvan.
ButIdon’thavetoasktoknowMikhailwillnevergivemethat.
“Ifyoudon’t…”Heletshisvoicetrailoffashiseyesscrapeovermyskin.Beingunderhisgazefeelslikelyingnakedonanexamtable.Hemightaswellbestandingovermewithascalpel.“Well,asdisappointedasI’dbetoseeithappen,youcanbereplaced,sweetheart.”
“Youcan’tkillme.That’swhatIvanaskedfor,right?”
Hesnorts.“Ivandidn’taskforafuckingthing.Hedoesn’tcarewhathappenstoyou.”
“Thenwhyhaven’tyou—?”
“Killedyou?”Mikhail’shandslidestomythroat.“BecauseI’mhavingtoomuchfun.Ifyouwanttolive,makesureitstaysthatway.”
Iswallow,mythroatbobbingagainsthispalm.Idon’twanttothinkaboutwhatMikhail’sversionof“fun”lookslike.
ThenMikhaildropshishandandstepsback.“Soyouhaveachoice:comewithmewillinglyandlive.Orcomewithmeunwillinglyanddie.”
Notmuchofachoice.Butinthisworldofpreyandpredator,Ishouldn’tbesurprised.Allwecandoisplaytheroleswe’vebeengiven.NomatterhowhardIfightorhowfastIrun,thisiswhereIalwaysendup.Thisisthechoiceinfrontofme.
AndI’mso,sotired.
Ilowermyheadandnodsoftly.“Okay.”
“What?”Mikhailcallsloudly.“Icouldn’thearyou.”
Ilookupathim.Thewordslodgeinmythroat,andIhavetoforcethemout.“I’llcomewithyou.Willingly.”
AslowsmilespreadsacrossMikhail’sface.Hebrushesmycheekwithhiscold,clammyhand.“Now,that’sagoodgirl.”
MikhailleadsmethroughthesidedoorwhereJordenwastakenandoutintothealley,whereacarwithtintedwindowsawaitsus.Heopensthedoorandpushesmeintothebackseatwithahandonmyhead.Thenhepausesforamomentwithaneasysmilesmearedacrosshisface.“Thingsarefinallygoingtoworkoutthewaytheywerealwayssupposedto,Cordelia.”
Heslamsthedoorclosed,leavingmealone.Iseehimstandingoutsideonthephone,butIcan’thearanything.It’sagoodthing.Ineedthesequietmomentstofocusonmysituation.Tosortoutthejumbleofpanickedthoughtsinmyhead.
Nooneiscomingtosaveme.Thatmuchisstupidlyclearbynow.SoifIwanttogetoutofthisandrescueJorden,Ihavetofigureouthowtosavemyself.
WhenIdo,I’mgoingtoescapethiscity—thislife—andstartover.There’snothingandnoonehereforme.
EverythingIlovedhasbeentaken.7IVAN
OnceFrancialeaves,I’mtemptedtodropherphoneonthetilefloorandcrushit.IfIcan’tbreakher,thisworthlesspieceofshitisthenextbestthing.
ThenIhearvoices.
Distant,tinnyvoices,comingthroughthephone’sspeaker.
Ilookdownatthescreenandseethatthecallisstillconnected.Slowly,Iraiseittomyear.MyentirebodytenseswhenMikhail’svoicecutsthroughthesilence.
“Soyouhaveachoice,”Mikhailissayingtosomeoneelse.Hisvoiceissoft.Hemustnotbeholdingthephonetohismouthanymore.“Comewithmewillinglyandlive…orcomewithmeunwillinglyanddie.”
Heisn’tstupidenoughtokillCora.NotafterthethreatImade.
Butshedoesn’tknowthat.
There’salongpause.Iholdmybreathasthesecondspass,waitingtohearthefireinCora’svoice.ReadytohearhertellMikhailexactlywhereheshouldshovehisthreats.
Instead,sherespondsinavoicesoshattered,it’sawonderthephoneisevenabletocatchthepulverizedpieces.“Okay.”
“What?”Mikhailbarksback.“Icouldn’thearyou.”
He’snotgoingtobeabletohearanythingwhenIrupturehiseardrums.Thefucker.Kidnappingher,threateningher,andthendemandingenthusiasmasshebendstohiswill…IfilethisawayasyetanotherreasonwhyIwon’tofferhimanymercywhenthetimecomes.Seehowhelikesbeggingwithenthusiasmforaquick,painlessendtohismiserablelife.
“I’llcomewithyou,”Corarasps.“Willingly.”
ThereisnofireinCoranow.Onlyicyresignation.
ShehastoknowI’mcomingforher.ThatI’ddoanythingtogetherback.Butunlessshe’sputtingontheperformanceofalifetime,itdoesn’tsoundlikeshehasanyhopeofthat.
Corahasgivenuponme.
ButI’llnevergiveuponher.
“Now,that’sagoodgirl,”Mikhailcroons.
Myentirebodyclenchesagainstthefalsetendernessinhisvoice.I’mgoingtomakehimregreteverythreat.Everysingleword.
Voicesarereplacedwithrustlingandfootsteps.They’reonthemove.MystandardsaresolowthatI’mjustgladCoraisn’tscreaming.
“Thingsarefinallygoingtoworkoutthewaytheywerealwayssupposedto,Cordelia,”Mikhailsays.
AcardoorclosesandthenMikhail’sbreathcracklesthroughthephone’scheapspeaker.“Wouldn’tyouagree,Ivan?Everythingishappeningjustasitwassupposedto.”
Ifreeze.Itwasn’tanaccident.HeknewIwaslistening.
Motherfucker.
Ihesitate.MaybeitwouldbebettertomakehimthinkIneverheardhim.Thathisperformancewasfornothing.
Intheend,Ican’tbitemytongue.“Everythingwillhappenexactlyasit’ssupposedto,”Iconfirm.“Butithasn’thappenedyet.I’llletyouknowwhenit’stime.”
Hechuckles.“You’reright.Ithasn’thappened.BecauseIhaven’ttastedCordeliayet.”
Mychesttightenswithpent-uprage.
“I’vewaitedforsolong.”Mikhailpracticallymoans.“She’llbesofuckingsweet.Ibetshemoanspretty,doesn’tshe?Ibetshesoundsdelicious.”
“HernameisCora,”Igrowl.“Ifyoutouchher,I’ll—”
“You’llwhat?Tattleonme?DoyouthinkFranciacareswhatIdotoCora?Solongasshestaysconscious,I’vekeptmyword.Eventhen,FranciawouldbefineifIflayedheralive.Shehasabitofajealousstreak.Beonthelookoutforthat.”
Myhandisshaking.“Don’tfuckingtouchher.”
“Whereshouldn’tItouchher?Specifically?”heasks,amusementdrippingfromeveryword.Hewouldn’tbesoamusedifhewasstandinginfrontofme.Ifhecouldseethemurderouslookonmyface.“ShouldIavoidhertits?Whataboutherass?Oh,Iknow:Ibetyouwantmetokeepmyfingersawayfromthatsweetlittlecuntbetweenherlegs.Youwantthatalltoyourself,Iassume.You’vealwaysbeenterritorial.”
I’veenduredphysicaltorturelesspainfulthanthis.ButifIletmyselfcracknow,I’llneverbeabletopiecemyselftogethernow.Forthesakeofthismission—forCora—Ihavetokeepittogether.
“ButCordeliaisnolongeryourstoclaim,”hetuts.“Sheneverwas.Fromtheverybeginning,thebitchwasmine.”
“WhenCorahadthechoice,sheranfromyou.Shedidn’tthinktwice.”
Heignoresme,carryingonlikeIdidn’tsayaword.“Andnow,Ihaveherback.Soonenough,I’llhaveherineverywayimaginable.I’llbreakheruntilit’smynameshescreamswhenshecomes.Untilshecan’tevenwalkstraight,letalonerunbacktoyou.”
Ishouldknowbetterthantoletthisstupid,pettymotherfuckergettome.ButI’mseeingred.IttakeseveryounceofmyrestrainttostayquietandletMikhailprattleoffhistauntsandjeers.
“Areyoufinished?”Iaskoncethelinegoesquiet.
“No,”hesneers.“I’llfinishinsideCoralater.ButI’mdonetalkingfornow,ifthat’swhatyoumeant.”
Fuckingg’andon“Ifyouhurther,you’llanswertome,Mikhail.AndI’m—”
“What?You’rebreakingup,”helies.“Ican’thearwhatyou’re—”
Thenthelinegoesdead.
Thistime,Idon’thesitate.IhurlFrancia’sphoneagainstthewall.Itshattersintopieces,takingachunkofthewallwithit.
Butitisn’tenough.
Iroar,myvoiceechoingdownthelongcorridor.Iyankafireextinguisherfromitscradle,leavingagapingwoundinthedrywall.Ikickthroughawoodendoorandripanexposedairductdownfromtheceiling.
IrageanddestroyandbreakshituntilmychestisheavingandtherearesomanycutsupanddownmyarmsthatIdon’tknowwheretheimaginedpainstopsandtherealpainbegins.
FranciaandMikhailandwhoeverelseisworkingwiththemaregoingtoregretcrossingme.I’lltrackthemdown.I’llchainthemup.AndonlyonceI’veemptiedmynear-bottomlessrageonthemwillIgivethemthemercyofendingtheirlives.8CORA
Thesunhasnobusinessshiningonadayliketoday.
Goldenlightstreamsthroughthecar’swindowsasMikhailpullsintothelong,familiardrivewayIrandownyearsago.ItwasnighttimethelasttimeIwashere.Thewindowsonthefrontofthehouseweredarkexceptfortheonenexttothefrontdoor.Thatlonelightglowed,onesinglewindowlikeanopeneyewatchingmefleedownthedrivewaywithnothingexceptwhatwouldfitinmyrattyoldbackpack.
AsIturnedmybackonAlexanderMcAllister’shouse,Isworetomyselfitwouldbeforthelasttime.
ButhereIamagain.
“Doesitlookhowyourememberedit?”Mikhailisgrinning,watchingmethroughtherearviewmirror.“It’sbeenalongtimesinceyou’vebeenhome.Yourdadwillbehappy.He’smissedyou.”
“Alexanderisn’tmydad.”
Mikhailstretchesanarmacrossthepassengerseatandlooksbackatme.Hisnosewrinkles.“Youcoulduseashower.Andachangeofclothes.”
“Nexttimeyoukidnapsomeoneandholdthemcaptive,keepthemattheFourSeasonsthen,”Isnap.
Hiseyesnarrowforonlyasecond.Thenhechuckles.“Alexanderwillunderstand.Assoonasyouopenyourmouth,he’llknowexactlywhyitlookslikeyouweredraggedthroughasewer.”
Mikhailclimbsoutofthecarandcomesaroundtothebackdoor.Heopensit,butIstayput.
Ican’tforcemyselftomove.Can’tbringmyselftoslideacrosstheseatandclosertoMikhail.AsingleinchclosertothehouseI’vespentyearsrunningfromisaninchtoofar.
Helooksinatmethroughthedoor,hissmilegone.“Youpromised,Cordelia.”
“Promisedwhat?”
Hearchesathreateningbrow.“You’dcomewillingly.IfIhavetoforceyou,youwon’tlikehowthingsendup.”
Idon’tthinkI’lllikehowthingsendupeitherway.ButIslowlyscootmywayacrosstheseatandpressmyfeetflatontothepavement.I’mhungryandtired.TheworldspinsasIstandup,mykneesthreateningtogiveway.
“Comeon.”Mikhailtugsonmyarm.“We’rerunninglate.”
“IthoughtFranciawasincharge.”
Hestopsandlooksbackatme.“Nooneisinchargeofme.”
Hesaysitsoftly,asifhedoesn’twantanyoneelsetooverhear.ProbablybecauseMikhailandIbothknowhehasneverbeenincharge.Hisentirelifehasbeenhimbucklingundertheleadershipofhisfather.Now,it’sFrancia.MaybeAlexander.Perhapsboth.He’salittlefishinaseafullofsharks.
Whichiswhymytruefeardoesn’tkickinuntilheopensthefrontdoorofmystepfather’shouse.
ItsmellsexactlylikeIremember.Likebottledcinnamonandmint.Mymomalwayslovedpotpourri.Asakid,Itriedtoeataglitterydecorativepineconeandshreddedtheroofofmymouth.Iatenothingbutapplesauceforaweek.
Thescentofitnowmakesmenauseous.
Ionlyhaveasecondtotakeinthestaircase,thefoyer,aglimpseoftheden.ThenMikhailclickshistongueinirritation.“Thisway.”Heyanksonmyarmagain,draggingmeupthestairstowardsAlexander’soffice.
TheonlytimeheeveraskedmetomeetinhisofficewaswhenIwasintrouble.LikethetimeIbrokeschooldresscodeandworeaskirtthatwashalfaninchtooshort.OrwhenIgotcaughtsneakingouttomeetaboyAlexanderhadnotexpresslyapprovedof.
HewantedtocontrolwhatIworeandwhoIspoketo.Hewantedtogroommeintothequiet,obedientpawnheneeded.
Admittedly,hegotclose.Butcloseisn’tgoodenough.Notwhenitcomestocrushingahumanspirit.
Alexanderleftalittletoomuchofmywillpowerintact.Bythelooksofit,he’sfixingthatmistakenow.
Mikhaildoesn’tknockontheofficedoor.Hejustyanksdownonthehandleandshovesitopen.AndthatishowIseemystepfatherforthefirsttimeinthreeyears.
Intheblinkofaneye,thedoorisopenandthereheis,standinginthemiddleofhisofficeandstaringatme.Hishairisalittlethinner,butIcantellbytheswoopinhisbangsthathe’stryingtohideit.Otherwise,helooksthesame.Darksuit,whitecollaredshirt,clean-shavenface.It’slikenotimehaspassedatall.
Excepthismouthishangingopenslightly.HelooksalmostasstunnedtoseemeasIamtoseehim.Likehedidn’treallyexpectmetowalkthroughthisdoortoday.Maybehenevertrulythoughthe’dwinoneoveronIvan.
Hequicklyschoolshisexpressionintoamuchmorefamiliarscowl.“You’relate.”
“Thankyourdaughterforthat.”Mikhailpushesmeintotheroomandslamsthedoorclosed.
Ilookaroundinvainhopeformymom.Notthatshewoulddoanythingtostopwhat’shappeningevenifshewashere,butIcan’tbringmyselftogiveupthehopethatshe’llfinallystepupandbethemotherIdeserve.
I’mstilltryingtofindmybearingsandgetmyfootingwhenMikhailpushesmeagain.Hehitsmyshoulder,shovingmetowardsthechairdirectlyacrossfromthedeskinthemiddleoftheroom.Ibarelycatchmyselffromfalling.
“Idiot!”Alexanderbarks.“Carefulwithher.”
Isthatconcerninhisvoice?Ishefeelingprotectiveofme?Itwouldbethefirsttime.Butatthispoint,anythingispossible.
“She’svaluable,”hecontinuesinaplaciddrawl.“Themoreyoubeatherup,thelessshe’sworth.”
Ah.Thereitis.Welcomehome,Cordelia.Nothinghaschangedabit.
Mikhailshiftsbehindmeandgathersmystringyhairinhishands.HelaysitovermyshoulderasIfighthardnottocringeawayfromhistouch.“Ijusthavetokeepheralive.”
“No,youjusthavetokeepyourfuckinghandsoffofher.”
“Butshescreamssopretty.”Mikhail’sfingersdanceovermythroat.“HowcouldInotwanttohearitallthetime?”
Mystepfathersighs.“Youcanhearitasmuchasyouwantoncesheisofficiallyyours.Untilthen,handsoff.”
Finally,mybrainunlocks.Iclearmythroatandleanforward.“Buttheweddingis—Theweddingwascalledoff.Itwasinthepaper.”
Iwonderedhowheandmymotherwouldhandlemydisappearance.Whetherthey’dcallthepoliceandorganizeasearchorsimplytrytosweepitundertherug.Intheend,therewasasmallcorrectionissuedinthesocietysectionofapapernooneundertheageofseventy-fiveread.
Ihopedthatwouldbetheendofit,butbasedonthewayAlexanderislookingatmenow,IknowexactlyhowwrongIwas.
WhenIfirstwalkedintotheroom,Alexanderstudiedme.Hiseyesroamedoverme,calculating,checkingtomakesureallthepieceswereaccountedfor.
Now,helooksdirectlyintomyeyes.Achillrunsdownmyspine.“IdidthebestdamagecontrolIcould,giventhecircumstances,”herasps.“Butnow,youaregoingtofulfillthecommitmentyoumade.”
“Inevermadeacommitment!Youmadeoneonmybehalf.”
“Andhe’llfulfillit,”Mikhailchimesin.Hemovesaroundmychairtostandnexttomystepfather,sneeringdownatmewithpurecontempt.“I’vebeenclearsincetheverybeginning,Cordelia:youwerepromisedtome.Youbelongtome.”
It’sonethingwhenyouhavetositandlistentoalunaticbabble.Butwheneveryoneelsestartsagreeingwithhim?Whenpersonafterpersonspoutsthesamestory?It’shardnottofeelcrazy.
Iturnbacktomystepfather.“Youcan’tbeserious.Mymomwouldnever—”
“Yourmotherwantswhatisbestforthisfamily,”Alexandersnaps.“Whatisbestforthisfamilyisforyoutofollowthroughwithyourcommitments.Youwereyoungandwildbefore,butnow,you’re—well,older,ifnothingelse.Andyou’reback.You’rebackandreadytofulfillyourpromise.”
Adesperatelaughsqueezesoutofmylungs.“Youcan’tjustrewritehistorylikethis.I’mnotsomepressreleaseyoucanedittoyourliking.You’vegottobekidding.”
“Nooneislaughing,”Mikhailinterjects.
“Iam!”Iraiseahandintheair.“I’mlaughingmyassoff.BecauseyoumustbeinsanetothinkI’mgoingtomarry—”
Ascreamslicesthroughtheroomandmakesmybloodruncold.
Iwhiparound,tryingtoseewhereit’scomingfrom.ThenIseeAlexanderisholdinghisphone.“Whoisthat?”Iask.Eventhoughsomepartofmealreadyknows.
Thescreengoesblackandhepocketshisphone.Iwanttoclawitoutofhishandsandscreamintoit.Canshehearme?Issheonthelineorisitarecording?
“You’vealwayslivedunderthedelusionthatyouhaveachoice,Cordelia.Youdon’t.”
“Whowasthat?”Iaskagain.“Whowasscreaming?”
Mystepfather’sfacecreases.Fauxconcernisetchedinthelinesofhisface.“Yourlittlefriendwon’tfaresowellifyougiveusanymoretrouble.”
“Jorden,”Ibreathe.
TheyhaveJorden.
Mikhailtoldmeshewassoldofftosomeone,buthedidn’tsaywho.It’snotastretchthatshewassoldtosomeonetheyknow.Someonesickenoughtosendthemclipsofherscreaming.
Whatdidtheydotomakeherscreamlikethat?
Mystomachtwists.Iwanttodroptomyknees,butIknowitwon’thelp.“Don’thurther.”
“IknewI’dneedaninsurancepolicy.”
“Don’thurther.”
“Thendon’tmakethingsdifficult.”
“Whatdoyouwantfromme?”
“WhatI’vealwayswanted.”Hereachesoutandplucksastrandofhairawayfrommyface.“Aquiet,obedientdaughter.”
Bilerisesinmythroat.Iwanttospititathim.Hedeservesworsethanthat.ButJorden’sscreamisstillechoinginmyears.
Mydecisionsdon’tjustaffectmeanymore.IfIdon’tdowhattheyask,notonlycouldIdie,butIcouldtakeJordenwithme.I’dneverforgivemyselfforthat.
“Areyougoingtobeagoodgirlanddoasyou’retold?”heasks.
Intheend,Alexanderisright.Idon’thaveachoice.Ineverhave.
Ilowermyheadandnodslowly.
Hepressesakisstothetopofmyhead.“Ialwaysknewyou’dcomearound.”9CORA
IstumbleoutofAlexander’sofficeonnumblegsandmoveinastupordownthehallway.AsIpassbythefrontdoor,Ipause.Justamoment.Ahalf-stepofhesitation.
ThenIkeepgoing.
Thereisnoescape.EveniftheopportunityarisesandIcanrunthroughanunlockeddoororslipthroughanopenwindow,theyhavemebythethroat.
TheyhaveJorden.
SoIduckmyheadandkeepmoving,ploddingthewell-wornpathupthestairstotheseconddoorontheright.
WhenIopenthedoor,IseethatmybedroomlooksexactlythesameasitdidthedayIleft.Everybookinitsplaceonthelittlewhiteshelfinthecorner.Everynecklacehangingfromgoldenhooksonthewall.Everyfuzzy,flower-shapedpillowonmybed.
It’salltheexactfuckingsame.
Likenoneoftheyearsinbetweeneverhappened.
Tearswellinmyeyes,andforthefirsttimeallday,Ican’tstopthem.Ipressthedoorclosedquietlyandleanmyforeheadagainstthewood.Tearsrollfreelydownmycheeks,thoughIchokedownthesobssotheycan’thearmefallapart.
It’snotasifI’vespentthelastthreeyearsmissingthisroom.EverysecondthatIwasforcedtoliveinthishouse,theonlythingIimaginedwasgettingaway.
Butseeingitperfectlyuntouched—liketheyalwaysknewI’dbecomingrightback—isjustalittletoomuchformetoprocessrightnow.Thefuturehasneverlookedsobleak.
Itakeafewdeepbreathsandletthetearsstopontheirown.I’dhatetogetallcriedoutsoearlyinthisnightmare.I’msurehorrorsaplentyawaitme
Irunahanddownthelimegreenpaintonthewalls,smilingsadlyatTeenageMe’sdesignaesthetic.Mymomhatedit
“Alexanderhasaninteriordecorator,”shearguedwhenshesawthegallonofneonpaintIcamehomewith.“LetJennettedesignyourroom.Thatway,itwillmatchtherestofthehouse.”
Thatwastheproblem:Ididn’twantthisroomtomatchtherestofthehouse.Inhere,IwantedtofeellikeIwasamillionmilesaway.LikeIwasinmyownworld.OnewhereAlexanderMcAllisterdidn’texist.AndwhenIcouldn’tpretendIlivedsomewhereelse,Ipouredmyfeelingsintojournalafterjournal.
Idropdownonmykneesinfrontofthebookshelf.TuckedbehindarowofBabysitter’sClubbooksarethreetattereddiaries.Igingerlypulloneoutandflipopenthecover.
Thefirstentrydoesn’thaveadateoragreeting.It’sjustchickenscratchpenmanshipblurredinplacesbylittledropsofwater.Imust’vebeencryingwhenIwroteit.
Ihavenocluewhowouldchoosetoliveinthishell.Mymomisbrainwashedandnooneseemstoseewhatishappeningtome.AlexanderismakingmebreakupwithTrentbecausehisfamilyisn’tniceenough.Hisdadisadentist!Hismomworksatourschool.Idon’tevenknowwhatthatmeans.“Niceenough?”BeforeMommetAlexander,weweren’t“niceenough,”either.Wewerelivingonthestreets.MomandIateatsoupkitchens.DoesAlexanderknowthat?MaybeIshouldtellhim.Maybethenhe’dkickusout.I’drathereatgarbagethanspendonemorenightaroundhisfancydiningroomtable.
WhenIclosemyeyesandfocus,IcanseeTrent’sface.Hewasablonde-haired,blue-eyedboyonthelacrosseteam.Hehadacneandascruffygoatee,butIthoughthelookedlikeaCalvinKleinmodel.Iwasinlove.
WhenIaskedmymomifIcouldmeetTrentatthemovies,AlexandertookonelookatTrent’slastnameandshookhishead.
“Youaren’tgoinganywherewithhim.”
Iturnedtomymomforbackup,butshewouldn’tlookatme.Sometimes,Iknewshedisagreedwithmystepdad,butshewastooscaredtosayanything.
Iflipthroughthejournal,readingentryafterentryofmepouringmyheartoutonpaper.Thereweremomentsoflevity.BriefglimpsesofthelifeImanagedtoekeoutformyselfamidstTsarAlexander’styranny.Butmostly,Iprayedforagoodman.OnewhowasbiggerandstrongerthanAlexanderandwouldtakemeaway.
“You’rewastingyourink,”Imumbletomypastself.
TheonlyreasonIgotoutofthismessthefirsttimeisbecauseIleftallonmyown.Nomanevershoweduptowhiskmeintothesunset.
Ivancameclose,though.
Thethoughtofhimhastearspressingagainstthebacksofmyeyesagain,andIfightthemback.Ivanisgone.Heisn’tcomingback.
Assoonasthethoughtcrossesmymind,Ihearsomeoneinthehall.Justlikethat,Ichangemytune.Ivan.He’shere.I’mbeingrescued.
Thenthedooropensandit’sMikhail.
Thatoughttoteachmetopinmyhopestopipedreams.Butsomehow,Idoubtit.Myhearthasalwaysbeenalittletootenderforthisworld.
Mikhailwrinkleshisnoseandlooksaround.“Remindmenottoletyoumakeanydesigndecisions.”
“Iwasateenager.”Icasuallyclosemyjournal,tryingnottobringtoomuchattentiontoit.ThelastthingIneedismyheartfeltwordsinthehandsofMikhailSokolov.Hehasenoughofmeinhandasitis.
“Itdoesn’tmatter,”hesays.“Youwon’tbeherelonganyway.YourdadandIwerejusttalking.”
Myjawclenches,mymolarsgrindingtogether.
Alexanderisnotmydad.Butmycorrectionwouldfallondeafears,soIswallowitdownandpracticesufferingthroughMikhail’sbullshitinsilence.I’llbedoingalotofthat,itseems.
“Ifoundyouayearago,youknow?”
Isnapmyattentiontohim,eyeslaserfocused.“No,youdidn’t.’
“Youdroppedfourlettersfromyourname,Cordelia.Youdidn’tfleethecountry.OfcourseIfoundyou.”
Itsoundssostupidwhenhesaysitlikethat.IthoughtIcouldescape.
“Ithought…IthoughtyoufoundmebecauseofIvan.Becauseofthepartyand—”
“Ifoundyouwaybeforethat,”hescoffs.“AndwhenIsawthedingyshitholeyouwerelivingin,Iwaspositiveyou’dcomecrawlingback.”
He’swrongtocallitashithole.Sure,mylittlestudiowasn’tinagreatpartoftown,andyes,Ihadtocaulkaroundthepipesinthebathroomsomyneighborcouldn’twatchmethroughthegap,butitwasn’tashithole.Itwasmodest.Affordable.
Itwasfreedom.
Oratleast,that’swhatIthoughtthen.Now,Iseeitforwhatitreallywas:adelusion.
“Idon’tgetit,”Iwhisper.“Whydidyouwaitforme?Whyspendallofthisenergyonme?Yourdaddycouldhavepickedanotherbrideforyou.”
Mikhail’slipcurlsupinbarely-restrainedrage.“Becauseyouwerepromisedtome,Cordelia.AndIalwaysgetwhatIdeserve.”
Whathedeservesisaridedownaslidemadeofrazorbladesintoapoolfulloflemonjuice,butIbitemytongueandmeethiseyes.IfIhavetofigureouthowtoliveinthisworld,I’mnotgoingtospendmydaysstaringattheground.
Iftheywanttoholdmyprisoner,they’llhavetolookmeintheeyes.
“IhadnoideaIwassuchaprize,”Idrone.“Seemslikeyou’dwantawifewhoismoreinterestedininteriordesignandprettydresses.”
Hesighs.“Thatwouldbetheeasierchoice.Fuckknowsplentyofwomenhaveofferedthemselvesup.Isampledmanyofthem.Buttheydidn’tholdmyattention.”
“Isitbecausetheywerewilling?Consentcanbesoboring.”Thequestionsoundsinnocent,butIcantellbytheflexinMikhail’sjawthatheknowsI’mgoadinghim.
Hekneelsdowninfrontofmeandgripsmehardbythechin.“WhenIwastwelve,mydadtookmehunting.It’saSokolovtradition.Ourfamily’syearlyexcursion.Toreconnectwithnature,earnourplaceinthehierarchyofthings.Allthatbullshit.”
Itrytoturnaway,butheholdstighter.HisfaceissoclosetominethatIfeelhiseveryexhaleonmyskin.
“Thefirstyear,Iwentalldaywithouthittingasingletarget.Justbeforesunset,myfathershotacoyoteintheleg.Onceitwascrippledandunabletomove,heletmeshootitinthehead.”Hesighs.“WhentheyaskedmeifIwantedtheanimalstuffedandmountedformyroom—”
“Andyoucomplainaboutmydesignchoices,”Imutter.
Hismouthticksupinaflashofamusementbeforehecontinues.“Ideclined.Itdidn’tfeelright.Ididn’tearnit.Butthenextyear…thenextyearwasmine.Itrackedaherdofelkforhours.Andwhenmyfatherwarnedmeagainsttakingmyshot,tellingmeitwastoorisky,Ipulledthetrigger.AndIwenthomewiththebiggestkillanyoneinourfamilyhadbaggedindecades.”
“AmIsupposedtobeimpressed?”
Mikhail’seyesflareforasecond.ThenI’msnatchedoffthefloorandthrownflatagainstthewall.HishandisbandedaroundmythroatsotightlyIcan’tbreathe.Blackdotsformontheedgesofmyvision.
“Idon’tneedyoutobeimpressed,”hegrowls.“Idon’tneedanyonetoshootyouinthelegandcrippleyouforme,Cordelia.BecauseI’vetrackedyoudown.I’vecorneredyou.Andwhetheryoulikeitornot,you’regoingtobetheprettiestfuckingtrophyI’veevercaught.”
Istretchontomytoes,strainingforair.Forjustasinglebreath.
JustasIfeelmyeyesrollingbackinmyhead,Mikhailletsgo.
Islidedownthewall,gasping.Buthedoesn’tletmegetfar.BeforeIcanfalltothecarpet,hepinsmetothewallwithhisbody.Ifeeleveryinchofhowmuchhe’senjoyingthismomentagainstmythigh.
“Iwaitedforyou,Cordelia,”hewhispersharshly,“becauseIdon’twantahalf-deadcoyote.Idon’twantsomesimpering,easywhorewhohasbeendeliveredtomeonasilverplatter.Iwanttoworkforit.”
“Firsttimeforeverything,”Irasp.
Hisbodyshovesevenclosertomineasheglaresdownatme.“Oneday,you’regoingtogivemeeverythingIwant.You’regoingtohandittomewithasmileonyourface.Andthat’swhenI’llknowI’vewon.Butuntilthen…”Heslideshishanddownmywaistandgripsmyhip.“…I’lltakewhatIcanget.”
Therealityofwhathe’sgoingtodoslamsdownonmelikeacartoonanvilhangingovermyhead.
Mikhailisgoingtorapeme.
Hereandnow,inmychildhoodroom,heisgoingtorapeme.
Withroughhands,hehitchesmylegoverhishipandgrindsintomewithpainfulthrusts.HisteethscratchacrossmyneckandmycollarbonehardenoughthatI’msurehe’sdrawingblood.
“Ithoughtyouwantedtoearnit,”Igasp,doingmybesttoholdhimoff.
Hefistsmyshirtinhishands.Ihearstitchespopping.“Iwill.I’mgoingto.”
“Thendon’ttakeitnow.”
I’mabouttoblackoutwithpanic.Icanfeelmymindslippingaway,tuckingintosomesecret,safespaceinmybrain.Ican’tfighthim,soIhavetogetthroughthis.Ihavetogritmyteethandbearit.
ButMikhail’sgriploosens.
Ipeekaneyeopen.Iwouldn’tsayitisremorseonhisface,butit’sanewexpressionIhaven’tseenbefore.AndIjumponit.
“Ifyou’resosureyou’regoingtowinmeover,thenwait,”Isay,breathless.“You’vewaitedthislong.Giveitsomemoretime.”
Hehuffsinfrustration.“I’vebeentoopatient.”
“Doingthisnowwillonlymakethingsharder.I’ll…I’llneverforgiveyou.”
Helooksdownatme,andIcanseeinhispaleeyesthathereallythinksthere’sachanceIwon’talwayshatehim.Thepsychopaththinkshehasashotatwinningmeoveroneday.
Thatscrapofinsanityisscarierthananythingelsethathashappenedsofar.
Heletsmegoandstepsback.There’sabulgeatthefrontofhispantsthatIpointedlyignore.
“Rememberthis,”hesays.“RememberthatI…Icontrolledmyself.Iwaited.”
Likefuckhedid.Theonlyreasonheisn’trapingmerightnowisbecauseIstoppedhim.
ButIstayquietandnod.“Okay.”
Hereachesoutandcupsmycheek.Hispalmisclammyagainstmyskin,andIwanttocringeaway.ButIdon’t.Ineedhimtobelievethere’shope.
“You’reright.Thewaitwillmakeitsomuchbetter,Cordelia.”Hedropshishandandbacksaway.Hestopsinthedoorway,hiseyestrailingovermeonelasttime.“I’llseeyousoon.”
Themomentheisgoneandthedoorcloses,Idroptothefloor.
AllthepanicIbottledupandshoveddowncomesracingtothesurface.Icryintomysleeveandbitebackloud,heavingsobs.
IknewtherewasagoodreasonIwassavingmytears.
Afterwhatcouldbeminutesoranhour,Ishifttomykneesandcrawlbacktomybookshelf.
Thejournalsaren’ttheonlythingsIkepthidden.Ipulloutseveralbooksfromthefirstshelfandrunmyhandsalongtheundersideofthewood.Afterafewswipes,Ifeelit.JustwhereIleftit.
Ipeeloffthebrittletapeandaweightlandsinmypalm.Iclosemyhandaroundthepolishedwoodhandle.
IstolethisletteropenerfromAlexander’sofficeyearsago.Itwastheonlyweapon-likethinginthehouseIknewhe’dnevermiss.
Itakeapracticeswipethroughtheair,imaginingthethinbladeslippingintoAlexander’scarotidorjabbingbetweenMikhail’slegs.
It’snotmuch,butIknownowthatnooneiscomingtosaveme.Nooneisgoingtogetmeoutofthis.AllofthetearsIshedandlettersIwrotedidn’tdoadamnthing.
I’mnoprincessandthereisnohappyendingwaitingforme.It’sjustmeversustheworldIleftbehind.
SoImightaswellbearmed.10IVAN
Theshadesarepulleddownovertheglassdooranda“Closed”signhangsinthewindow.Still,Iknock.
There’sasecuritycamerahangingjustabovethedoor.IknowI’mbeingwatched,butIdon’tlookatit.Idon’tneedto.Becausethedoorwillopenformeinthree,two,one…
“Mr.Pushkin!”Kieran’svoiceismuffledbytheglassashefumblesfranticallywiththeshadesandthelock.“Ididn’trealizeyouwerecomingintoday.Youdidn’tcall.Iwouldhavehadthedooropenandunlockedifyou’d—”
Heopensthedoor.“Hello,”herepeats,beamingatmewiththesmilehereservesforhishighest-payingcustomers.
Itiltmyheadingreeting.“Kieran.”
“Iwouldhavehadtheshopreadyforyouifyou’dcalledahead.Whereisyourlady?Isshewithyouor—”Helookspastmetothesidewalk.Thenhiseyebrowsjump.“Oristhisasurpriseforher?”
Hiswordslandlikeafuckingknifetothegut.IremindmyselfthatKierandoesn’tknow.Ofcoursehehasnoideawhatjusthappened.Hecan’tfathomtheguiltandragetearingthroughmerightnow.
WhichiswhyIclenchmyfistatmysideinsteadofwrappingitaroundhisthroat.
“I’maloneandIneedafavor.”
KieranmustpickupontheshakycontrolIhaveonmytemperbecausehestepsasideimmediatelyandushersmeinside.
Theshopisdark,butthelittlebitofsunlightcomingthroughtheblindsglintsoffthegoldedgesofthedisplaycases.IcanalmostclosemyeyesandseeCorastandinginthisshopmereweeksago.
ShethinksIchosehergaudyengagementringthatdayaspunishment,butitwasbecausethatlarger-than-lifejewelwastheonlythinginthisentireshopthatcouldevenbegintocomplementherthewayshedeserved.Abeautifulwomanneedsabeautifulring.WhichmeansCoradeservesafuckingplanetmadeofdiamond.
Kieranflicksonalight.Thememorydimsandfades.
“Ihopenothingseriousiswrong,”hesayswithafrown.“Ifthere’stroublewithyourring,youknowIwilldoeverythingtokeepmybestcustomershappy.Whateveryouneed—arushjoborareplacementjewel—I’mhappyto—”
“Ineedyoutoholdontothisforme.”
IplacetheringIjustsnatchedoffofFrancia’sfingerintoKieran’spalm.
Hiseyeswiden.“Doesyourfiancéenotlikeit?Ifsheisunhappy,thenIcanmakesomethingelse.Acustomorder.Nocost.”
Myfiancéeisalmostcertainlyunhappy.ButnotforanyreasonKierancouldpossiblyimagine.
“Ijustneedyoutoholdontoitforme,”Itellhim.“IneedyoutokeepithiddenandtellabsolutelynooneIwashere.”
Kierancloseshisfistaroundtheringandnods.“Ofcourse.Anything,Mr.Pushkin.I’llkeepitinmysafe.I’mtheonlyonewhoknowsthecombination.”
“Good.”
“Doyouknowhowlongyouwantmetokeepit?”heinquires.
UntilIcanslideitbackonthefingerwhereitrightfullybelongs.
“Notlong,”Itellhim.“It’llbeanydaynow.”
Icanonlyhopeit’sthetruth.
***
JustasIclimbbackintothecar,myphonerings.Yasha’snameflashesonthescreen.
“HasJordensaidanythingusefulyet?”IaskwhenIanswer.
“She’sstillunconscious,butI’llletyouknow,”Yashareplies.“HaveyoumurderedFranciawithyourbarehandsyet?”
“Notquite,butIhavealifetimeofopportunityaheadofme.I’llletyouknow.”
Hecursesunderhisbreath.“Ican’tbelieveyou’regoingtomarrythatbitch.Ishouldhaveseenhercoming.Whythefuckdidn’tIseehercoming?”
I’veaskedmyselfthesamequestionoverandoveragain.“Wegotdistracted.”
I’msurethatwasFrancia’splan.ShesentCoraandJordentomypartyhopingI’dpayattentiontooneofthem.Thatwasherwayin…andIfellforit—forCora—hook,line,andsinker.
Yashasighs.“Jordentrustedher.Coradid,too.Inevereventhoughttolook.”
“Feelfreetomakeupforlosttimeandfindouteverythingyoucanaboutherthen.I’dliketoknowthewomanI’minbedwith.”
There’sapause.“Youaren’tactuallygoingtogetintobedwithher,areyou?”
Justthethoughtmakesmecringe.“Fuckno,”Isnarl.“Sheisgoingtohaveherownwingofthehouse.Imightevenputabrickwallupbetweenus.Nolove.Nofucking.”
“Youshouldhavekilledher,”hegrumbles.“Imean,Iknowitwasn’tanoption.ButIwishitwas.”
“Youandmeboth.”Isighwearily.I’veneverfeltmoreexhaustedinallmylife.“DoyouhaveanETAonwhenJordenmightwakeup?”
“Notyet.She’llbeokay,though,”hesays.“Dr.Popovsaidsheneededstitchesandshe’sconcussed,buttheonlyreasonshe’sasleepisbecauseshe’stiredanddehydrated.Assoonasshegetssomerestandfluids,she’llbefine.Shemighthaveinformation.”
Thatwouldbealuckyfuckingbreak.Butifthelasttwenty-fourhourshavetaughtmeanything,it’stonotholdmybreath.
“Oh,and,um…”It’snotnormalforYashatosoundnervous,buthe’sclearlybeatingaroundthebushrightnow.“PopovalsomentionedthatJordenisgoingtoneed,like,aguardian.Orsomeonetowatchher.Youknow,sinceshehastheconcussion.SoIthought—”
“Staywithher.”
“Really?”Hesoundsastonished.“Becausethereissomuchgoingon.ItotallygetthatI’mneededbackatthebase.You’llbebusywithFrancia,sosomeonehastokeepthesearchalive.Icandoalotfromthemedicalbay,butIcoulddomoreifIwasthereontheground.Soifyouwantme—”
“Iwantyoutostoptalking.ItoldyoutostaywithJorden,sostaywithher.”It’sthemeanestI’veeversoundedwhiledeliveringgoodnews.“Ifshewakesupandhasinformation,Iwantitasquicklyaspossible.”
WhatIdon’tsayisthatIsawthewayYashacradledJordeninthatalleyway.Iheardthewayhesnappedatmeforbeingtooroughwithher.
It’sthesamewayIwouldhavesnappedathimwhenitcomestoCora.
Yashahasneverbeeninlovebefore,butIthinkJordenmightbechangingthat.AndascoldandunfeelingasIam,Idon’twanttobewhatstandsbetweenYashaandthewomanheloves.EspeciallywhenIdon’tthinkthereismuchYashacandotohelpmerightnow.
WhereFranciaisconcerned,I’monmyown.
“Okay,”hesays.“Thankyou.I’llstayhereandhandlewhatever.Anythingyouneed,I’mavailable.I’lllookintoFranciaandseewhatIcandigup.Butwhatelseisthere?What’syourplan?”
That’sagreatquestion.AllI’vedonesofarisreacttothesituationinfrontofme.
Franciadisappeared,soIwenttolookforher.
Corawaskidnapped,soIrushedtosaveher.
FranciathreatenedCora,soIdidwhatIhadtodotokeepheralive.
Now,finally,it’smyturntomakethefirstmove.Andthereisonlyonethingthatmakessense.
“WefindCora.”
Yashasighs.“Yeah.That’swhatIwant,too,man,but…Ihavetobehonest,Idon’tknowhowtodothat.Franciaslippedunderallofmyradars.WehadaninklingtheSokolovswereinvolved,butIneverpickeduponMikhailspecificallyplayingaroleinallofthis.AndCora’sstepdadhasbeenelusive.AlexanderMcAllisternevercameuponanyofmysearches.Ifhe’sworkingwithMikhailagain,theycouldbehidingCoraanywhere.Idon’tknowwheretostart.”
“Theusualsuspectswon’tbeofanyhelp.Mikhailhasobviouslykepthispartinallofthisquiet,sotherewon’tbeanyrumblingsaboutitintheusualplaces.Andwecan’tmarchintoKonstantinSokolov’sofficewithoutwarningagain.”
EspeciallyifwhatIdidtohelpKaterinaescapehasmadeitswaybacktoKonstantin.Hewillnotbepleasedwithmeafterhearingthatnews.
“Sowegotoanewsource,”Icontinue.“TothepersonwhowillhavemoredirtonCora’smomandstepdadthananyoneelse.”
“Whowouldthatbe?”heasks.
“Cora’sfather.”11IVAN
“No.”
I’mnotoftenstunned,buthearingmyhousemanagerdefyadirectorderisstunning.There’snootherwaytoputit.
“Excuseme?”
Nilesliftshischin.“Isaid…Isaidno,sir.Irespectyou,Mr.Pushkin.Deeply.ButIwillnotworkforthatwoman.”
IknowheremembersFrancia’sname.Nilesneverforgetsadamnthing.Soifhe’snotusinghername,it’sforaverygoodreason.ProbablybecausesayingitthreetimesmightsummonherlikeBeetlejuice.
WhileIwasnegotiatingwithFrancia,talkingtoMikhail,andleavingCora’sringwithKieran,YashacalledtofillNilesinonthelasttwenty-fourhours.Apparently,themantookthenewsofFrancia’sbetrayalaboutaswellastherestofus.
Isigh.“IfIcouldhaveCorabackhererightnow,I’d…”
Well,I’dlockherinmyroomandneverletherout.I’dtangleherinmysheetsandwrapherinmyarmsandwe’dnevercomeupforair.Nileswouldhavefullrunofthemansion.He’dneverhavetotakecareofmeagainbecauseI’dbeextremelywellcaredfor.
Butinsteadofallthat,Isaysimply,“ThisiswhatIhavetodotomakethingsright.”
Histeethclicktogethersohardthesoftlineofhisjawquivers.“ShebetrayedMs.Cora.Thiswomanyou’rebringinginherehurtmymistress.”Hisfaceflushes.He’sembarrassedbyhisowndevotiontoMs.Cora,butthatdoesn’tstophim.“Iwon’tliftafingertoserveanyonewhohurtMs.Cora.ThatwomancouldbeonfireandIwouldn’tbothertospitonher.”
“Holyshit,”Isnort,bitingbackalaugh.“AndIthoughtwhatyousaidaboutKonstantinSokolovafterhisfirstvisitherewasbad.”
Niles’hesitantsmirkdissolvesintoadeepfrown.“ThatmanhunghisjacketonmyheadlikeIwasacoatrack.WhenIcorrectedhim,heapologizedwithaone-dollarbill.Theycanbothsharearoominhell.”
Nilesknewintwominuteswhatittookmyfatheruntil…well,untilnevertorealize:theSokolovsarenottobetrusted.
Iknowhe’sonceagainrightaboutFrancia.
Butthatdoesn’tchangewhathastobedone.
“Idon’twanttodealwithFranciainmyhouseanymorethantherestofyou.I’mtheonewhohastofuckingmarryher.Ifsheiseveronfire,I’mprobablytheonewholitthematch.”
Hisbrowfurrowsinconcern.“Therehastobeawayoutofit.Youdeservebetterthanher.Youdeserve…”
Hisvoicetrailsoff,butwebothknowwhathewasgoingtosay.
Cora
I’mflatteredhethinksso.Thetroubleis,afterthefuck-upsI’vemadethelastcoupledays,I’mnotsosureCoradeservesme.
Shedeservessafety.Protection.ThingsIcannolongerofferher.
“Whatanyofusmayormaynotdeservedoesn’tmatter.Franciaismovingintoday.ThatisthedecisionImade.Now,Ineedyouandeveryoneelsetofigureouthowtomakeitwork.”
Nilesstiffens.Iseehissenseofloyaltyfightingagainsthishonor.HereallymightratherquitoutrightthanserveFrancia.
Then,finally,hisstiffposturerelaxesjustafractionofaninch.“I’lldomybest,sir.”
“Yourbesthasbeengoodenoughsofar.”Iclaphimontheshoulderandturntowardsthedoor.“Helphergetsettledand—”
“Shecan’tstayinCora’sroom,”Nilesinterrupts.“Shecanliveinthishouseifyouallowherto,butIwillnotputherinmymistress’sroom.Notafterwhatshehasdone.”
Hisloyaltyisatestament.ToCora’sinfluence,butalsotothemanhimself.TheoldcootwillhaveahomeinmyBratvaforaslongashewantsit.
“She’llsleepintheEastwing,”Iagree.“I’llleaveittoyoutochooseherroom.”
Finally,Nilesshowsasignofamusement.WhateverhehasplannedforFrancia,Iknowshewon’tlikeit.
Butallworkandnoplayisn’tgoodformyhouseholdstaff.
I’llletthemtaketheirvengeancewheretheycan.
***
ImakesureI’mnotaroundwhenFranciaarrives.Ihearthecrunchofwheelsonthepavementoutsideandtheshuffleofmovementdeepinthehouse,butIstayinmyoffice.Shecancarryherownassacrossthethreshold.FuckknowsI’mnotgoingtodoit.
TheonlytimeI’llcarryFranciaanywhereistoanexit.Preferablyinabodybag.
Astheminutestickpast,myfingersitchtodosomething.Tostaybusy.IwanttotextYashaaboutanythinghemayhavefoundoutaboutMarcusSt.Clairintheninetyminutessincewespoke,butIknowit’stoosoonforthat.Besides,Idon’twanttodoanythingthatFranciacouldwalkinandsee.Thebitchdoesn’tneedanymoreleverage.
SoIdigthroughmytopdrawerandfindtheSavetheDatemock-upsAnyasentmelastweek.Actually,shedroppedthemunceremoniouslyontopofmylaptopandsaid,“Pickyourfavorite.”
Iswipedthemaway.“Ican’t.”
“Yes,youcan,”shecomplained.“Testosteronemaymakeyouanunbearableasshole,butitdoesnotmakeyouincapableofhavinganopinionaboutdesign.SopickyourfavoriteandthenI’lltellyouifyou’reright.”
Istackedthemupandhandedthembacktoher.“Myfavoriteistheoneyouchooseforme.”
She’dlovetowalkthroughmyofficedoorandseemeflippingthroughthemnow.Unfortunately,whenmydooropens,itisn’tmysisterinthedoorway.
“Thisisridiculous!”Franciashrieks
Ikeepmyeyesdown.ThefirstSavetheDatelooksliketheannouncementforababy’sbaptism.Therearewingedcherubsandlaurelbranchesandcartoonwhiterosesaroundtheedges.Iloatheit.
Islideittothebackofthestackandstudythenextone.
“What’sridiculous?”Idrawlwithaslittleconcernashumanlypossible.It’seasy,becauseItrulydonotcare.
Shestompsintotheroom,herheelsclickingacrossthehardwoodfloor.“ItoldyouwhenI’dbehere.”
Iglanceattheclockhangingonthewall.“Youdid.You’reverypunctual.Goodforyou.”
Idon’tneedtolookathertofeeltheheatofherglaresearingintothesideofmyface.
ThesecondSavetheDatetemplatelookslikeit’sforadestinationwedding.Toomuchblueandgold.CoraandIhaveneverbeentoabeachtogetherandwewouldn’tgetmarriedonone.Islideittothebottomofthestack.
“ItoldyouwhenI’dbehere,”sherepeats,thewordspracticallyvibratingoutofher.“Butnoonemetmeatthedoor.Yourbutlerleftmybags—”
“Housemanager.”
Anexhalehissesbetweenherteeth.“What?”
“Nilesisthehousemanager.”HealreadyhatesFrancia,sohemightturnhomicidalifshereferstohimasmy“butler.”
“Well,yourhousemanagerhasn’tmanagedafuckingthingsinceI’vebeenhere!Heleftmybagsinthedrivewayandshowedmetoabroomclosetinsteadofabedroom.Itwasbarelybigenoughforatwin-sizedmattress!Thisisabsurd.”
Ibitebackasmile.Nilesreallyisagutsysonofabitch.Iknowexactlywhichroomshe’stalkingabout.Itactuallywasabroomcloset,atonepoint.ThethoughtofFranciasleepingwiththespidersandcleaningproductisexactlythekindofmoodboostIneededtoday
ThenFranciasnatchesthestackofSavetheDatesoutofmyhand.
“Yourstaffistreatingmeliketrashandyoucan’tevenlookatme.Whatareyougoingtodoaboutthis?”
Anywhisperofasmileisgonefrommyfacenow.Iturntowardsherslowly,lookingatherforthefirsttimesinceshebargedintomyoffice.Andmybloodisfuckingboiling
ThefactthatsometimeinthelasthourFranciadecidedtodressinafulleveninggown,diamondearringsandanup-doincluded,isnothelpingmatters.Doesshethinkwe’reheadingtoourweddingtodayordoesshedressliketheQueenofEnglandeveryafternoon?
“Itoldyouyou’dbesleepinginanotherwingofmyhouse.Youagreedto—”
“Ididn’tknowyouexpectedmetosqueezemyselfintoafuckingshoebox!IsawCora’sroom,”shesnaps.“Iknowtherearebiggerroomshere.Iwanttostayinoneofthose.”
ThelasttimeFranciawasinsidemyhousewaswhenshewaslyingtoallofourfaces.IfonlyI’dknownwhoshereallywasthen,Iwouldhavekilledheronsight.Nohesitation.
“AllofthemainbedroomsareintheWestwingofthehouse.YouarestayingintheEastwing.”
“ThenputmeontheWestside,”shegritsout.“I’mnotsleepingonatwinmattresslikesomepeasantbratatsummercamp.”
“Thendon’tsleep.”
Hangupsidedownlikethelife-suckingvampireyouclearlyare.
Sheinhalessharply.“Despitethismorning,Iwantedtodaytobepleasant.”
AndIwantCoratobestandinginfrontofme,wholeandunharmed,whileFrancia’sheadismountedonaspikeinmyfrontlawn.
“Wedon’talwaysgetwhatwewant.”
Sheleansforward,eyeswide.“Ido.AndIwanttheroomCorahad.”
“No.”
Theairbetweenusrippleswithtension,butneitherofusbreakeyecontact.“Allittakesisonephonecall,”shewhispers.“Onetext.AndCoraisgone.”
IfuckinghatethatFrancia’sthreattemperstherageboilinginsideofme,buthowcanitnot?Coraisindanger.Ihavetoacttokeephersafe.ThatmeansdenyingmyselfwhatIwantmorethananything—tohaveFrancia’shotblooddrippingdownmyhandswhileshegaspsforherlastbreath—andstickingtotheplan.
“Youcan’tsleepinCora’soldroombecauseit’snottradition.”
Shefrowns.“ButCora—”
“Wasnevermyrealfiancée.Youare.”It’saliedisguisedasthetruth.CorawasclosertobeingmywifethanFranciawilleverbe.EvenifIdohavetogothroughwithanactualweddingwithher,Iwillnevercareaboutherinthewaysthatcount.
“Whatdoesthathavetodowithanything?”
“Itmeansthatwehavetodothingstherightway,”Itellher.“Orasrightaspossibleunderthesecircumstances.Wecan’tcohabitateuntilthewedding.”
Shesnorts.“Thisisn’ttheDarkAges.AndIknowyouarenosaint.Plentyofwomenhave‘cohabitated’withyou.”
“Noneofthemhaveeverlivedwithme.”
UntilCora.
WhichiswhyIwon’tletFranciaprancearoundmyhouseandplayHousewife.Thatroleisreservedforonewomanandonewomanonly.
“I’mnotgoingtobedisrespectedbyyourstaffandyou.IfIwanttosleepinwhateverroomIwant,then—”
“Thenyou’llbebreakingtheagreementyoumade.”
Hermouthclosesslowly.“How?”
“YouagreedtofulfilltheroleofaBratvawife,”Iremindher.“Thatmeanssubmittingtoallofmydesires.Rightnow,Idesiretradition.”
Shewantstoargue,butsheknowsI’mright.
IreachoutandplucktheSavetheDatesoutofherhandanddropbackdownintomychair.
Shewatchesmeflipthroughthestackforafewsecondsbeforesheletsthisbattlegoandforceslightnessintohervoice.“Alreadypreppingforthebigday?”
Ifby“bigday”shemeansthedaythatIgettoobliterateherfromtheplanetandbewiththewomanIactuallycareabout,then…
“Yes,”Itellher.“I’mlookingforwardtoit.”12CORA
Iwakeuptosilence.Nooneisstandingovermewithanaxandaghoulishsmile.Nooneisdanglingmybestfriend’sfateinmyface.Nooneburstsinandripsmycurtainsopenandordersmehereandthere.
Thatallcomesassomewhatofasurprise.
Halfofmynightwasspenttossingandturning,imaginingthetorturethatwaswaitingformeinthemorning.WouldMikhailcomebackandtrygropingmeagain?MaybeI’dwakeupwithAlexandersittingontheedgeofmybed,strokingmyhairawayfrommyforeheadlikeastepdadfromaDatelineepisode.
Butthere’snothing.Justthesoundofbirdssingingoutsidemywindow.
“Wefuckinggetit,”Imumbleatthesparrows,rollingoverandpullingthecoversovermyhead.“You’rehappy.Don’trubitin.”
IstayburiedunderthecoversforaslongasIcanuntilfinally,Isighandgetup.Ididn’tbringanyclotheswithme,butsomeoneclearlypreparedformyarrival.Allofmyfavoriteclothesfromhighschoolarestillhanginginmycloset.Butnexttothoseisastashofbrandnewitemswithtagsattached.They’reallinmycurrentsize.Onepairofjeans,afewt-shirts,andhangerafterhangerafterhangerofdemure,girlishdresses.
Itrynottothinkaboutwhatitmeansthatsomeoneboughttheseclothes,knowingI’dbeheldprisonerhere.Whoeveritwashadsomeskewedexpectations.NowayI’mpullingaJuneCleaverandshowinguptobreakfastinafloralprintdress.Ifthat’swhatAlexanderwants,hebettergetouthislobotomyequipment.
Butevenprisonersneedtoeat.SoafterIsteelmyselfforwhatevermycaptorshavewaitingforme,Icreepdownthestairstowardsthekitchenforsomethingtoeat.Coffee,atleast.
Idon’tseeanyoneinthesittingroomandIcan’thearanyvoices.MaybeifI’mlucky,I’llpourmyselfacupofcoffeeandgrababananawithoutbeingseen.Afewmorehoursaloneinmyroomsoundsnice.
Butluckhasn’tbeenonmysiderecently.Actually,LadyLuckhasbeenastone-coldbitchwhoseemstogethershitsandgigglesfromkickingmewhenI’malreadywaydown.
SoIguessIshouldn’tbesurprisedthat,themomentmytoestouchthehardwoodflooroftheentryway,mynameiscalledfromthediningroom.
“Cordelia,”Alexandersayslikehehasbeenexpectingme.“We’reinhere.”
Idon’tknowwho“we”is,butIdon’twanttobeincludedinthegroup.ItisfirmlyMeversusThem.
Caffeine-lessandstomachgrowling,Istandtallandwalkintothediningroom
Thenmypastwallopsmeovertheheadwithachair.
“Mom…”
Mymomishere.She’llsaveme.
Exceptmymomiswearingastringofpearlsaroundherthroatthatmightaswellbeadogcollar.Shelooksatmewithapleasantsmileonherface.Noconcern.Nofear.Shejustsmilesatmeblankly,likesomekindofrobothand-programmedbyapsychopath.
Afterthehellishtwenty-fourhoursI’vehad,thereisn’tamotherintheworldthatwoulddoanythingbutruntotheirkidandholdthemintheirarms.
Butmymotherdoesn’tmove.
Sheisn’tgoingtohelpmedoagoddamnthing.
Iclearmythroatandtrytotakeintherestoftheroomthroughthesheenoftears.“Goodmorning.”
Alexandersmilesandgesturesformetotaketheseatnexttohim.TheseatbetweenhimandMikhail.
“It’safullhousetoday,”Imumble.
Mikhailstandsupandpullsoutmychair.“We’vebeenwaitingforyoutostartbreakfast.”
“Noonetoldme.Isleptin.Yesterdaywas…hectic.Ineededtheextrarestthismorning.”
Heshovesmychairuptothetablealittletoohard.MyribspinchagainsttheedgeandIhavetoslideawaytocatchmybreath.
Withoutwarning,Alexanderclapshishands.
Ijoltinsurprise,butnoonenoticesbecausethedoortothekitchenopensandthreemaidshurryoutcarryingtraysoffruitandpastries.Anotherhaspitchersofmilkandorangejuiceinherhands.
“Wow.”
Alexander’ssmileslips.“Whatissosurprising?WasIvannotfeedingyoubreakfast?”
MymomisstaringdownatherlapandIgetthesenseI’vedonesomethingwrong.ButI’mnotsurewhat.
“No,wehadbreakfast.Ijustdon’trememberthereeverbeingafullkitchenstaffherefirstthinginthemorning.Wealwaysate—”
“That’swhathappenswhenyoudon’tkeepintouch,”hesnaps.“Thingschange.”
Yeah,andapparently,themainthingthatmusthavechangedisthenumberofzeroesinAlexander’sbankaccount.WhenIlastlivedhere,hewouldhiretemporarystafftoimpressdinnerguests.Afterthatnight,I’dneverseethemagain.Now,therearethree—no,fourwomendishingoutslicedfruitandpouringglassesofmilk.
MikhailislookingfrommetoAlexanderwithaslightlypuzzledfurrowbetweenhisbrows.Isthislittleshowforhisbenefit?
Maybemytwoco-abductorsaren’tashonestandopenwitheachotherasIthought.
Ifiletheinformationawayforlaterandgrabacroissantfromthecenterofthetable.Thesepeoplemaybemonsters,butnothingcangetbetweenmeandaflakypastry.
Weeatinsilence.Alexanderwaveshishandandrequestsacoffeerefill.Mymompicksatthethreestrawberriesonherplateforfifteenminutesbeforeshedarestograbaspoonfulofblueberriesforseconds.
TheonlytimeMikhailsaysanythingistomakeacommentunderhisbreathasIreachformythirdcroissant.
“Youhaven’thadanyfruit,Cordelia.”
Withoutbreakingeyecontact,Ipluckabananaoffthetableandpeelit.HefinallylooksawaywhenIwrapmylipsaroundthetipofit.
IknowIshouldn’tplaywithfire.Notafterwhathappenedinmyroomyesterday.Butafteryearsoffreedom,ithurtstofeeltheinvisiblechainsaroundmywristsagain.
Speakingofchains,Ilookoverandseemymotherstaringwide-eyedatmywrist.AtwhatherhusbandandMikhaildidtome.
Ididn’texactlyhaveaccesstoafirstaidkitlastnight,soIdidmybestwithhandsoapandbitsofawashclothIrippedintostrips.TheyfelloffwhileIwassleepingandIwokeupwithnobleeding,soIdidn’tbothercoveringthemup.Now,I’mgladIdidn’t.
IfmymotherhasdeludedherselfintothinkingI’mherebychoice,thenhopefully,myscabbed-overinjuriescanbeawake-upcalltoher.
“Issomethingwrong,Mom?”Iask.
SheblinksandlookstowardsAlexanderinapanic.Butheisn’tlookingather—he’swatchingme.
Mikhailpushesmyarmunderthetableandwrapshishandaroundmyrawwrist.Hesqueezesthefreshly-closedcutsuntilawhimperisforcedoutofmythroat
Thenhechucklestotherestofthetable.“Cordeliahasforgottenhermannerswhileshewasaway.”
“Ihatehow—”Mymomstopsandclearsherthroat.“Ialwayshatetheadjustmentperiodafterbeingaway.Theweekafteravacation,I’malwaysamess.It’shardtogetbackintoaroutine.”
I’veneverhadagreatpokerface.Thismomentisnodifferent.
Ijuststareatmymom,mouthopenbecauseIcan’tbelievewhatshejustsaid
Isshecomparingmefleeingmyhomeinthemiddleofthenightandchangingmynametoprotectmyselffromherhusband…toavacation?
Ipickmyjawupoffthefloorandpushawayfromthetable.“Yeah,Iagree.Suchastrangetransition.It’sabitofacultureshocktogofrombeingyourownpersonandhavingfreedomtobeingforcedinto—”
“Cordelia!”Mynameringsacrossthetable.Alexanderdoesn’tquitehavethebassnecessaryforhisshouttobetrulyintimidating.NotthewayIvancanmakeitfeelliketheworldaroundyouisthunderingwithoutevenraisinghisvoice.Buthegivesithisbestshot.It’senoughtointerruptmemid-sentence.
Mymotherdropshereyestothetable.Shehasneverlookedlessimpressivetome.Sosmall.Someek.
BeforeIleft,Ihadsomecompassionforher.Iviewedherlikeapersontrappedinacult.Someonewiththebestintentionswhocouldn’tseethedamagebeinginflictedaroundthem.
Butshecanseeitallnow…andshe’sstillhere.Evenwhenherowndaughteriscollateraldamage.
IrunmytongueovermyteethandturntoAlexander.“Yes?”
“I’dliketospeaktoyouinmyoffice,”hegritsout.“Now.”
“I’mnotfinishedeating.”
Ireachforanothercroissant,butMikhailgrabsmywristagain.Hejerksmyarmbackandtwists.Weknockoveraglassofjuiceandabrightorangestainspreadsacrossthewhitetablecloth.
“Lethergo,”Alexanderorders.
Mikhailsqueezesharder.“I’lllethergowhensheshowsmethatshecanbehaveherself.Imighthavetocarryherin—”
“Let.Her.Go.”Thereisnoquestioninmystepfather’svoice.Norequest.
It’sanorder.
AndMikhailfollows.
Hedropsmyarmandslowlysettleshishandinhislap.Buthedoesn’ttakehiseyesoffofme.
Alexanderwalkstohisofficeatafastclip.Ifollow,feelingMikhail’sgazeonmetheentiretime.
Whethertheyknowitornot,theyjustrevealedagapingcrackintheirfacade.Imakeamentalnotetopokeatitlater.13CORA
IwalkintoAlexander’soffice,butweirdly,it’sempty.I’mjuststartingtoturnaroundinconfusionwhenthedoorslamsclosedbehindme.
“Whoa.Whatthe—”Iwhiparoundtoseehe’slurkingnexttotheentranceliketheboogeyman.
“Youdon’thaveaknackfordetails.”Hecarveshiswayacrosstheroomtowardshisdesk.“Youaresofocusedonyourselfthatyoudon’tseethelargerpicture.”
Inodsarcastically.“You’reright.I’vebeenwaytooself-centeredduringmyabduction.Howareyoudoing?”
Hisupperlipcurls.“You’veneverunderstoodthestakes,haveyou,Cordelia?DoyouthinkIenjoymakingyouhateme?”
ThesilencegoesonforsolongthatIrealizeheactuallywantsmetoanswer.
“Yes,”Isaywithahumorlesslaugh.“Yes,Ido.Ithinkyouenjoyitverymuch.”
Hesitsback,hishandsfoldedinhislap.“You’rewrong.You’rewrongabouteverything.”
“Thenenlightenme!”
I’dlovenothingmorethanforallofthistobesomebigmisunderstanding.IfAlexanderrevealedhimselfastheheroofthisstoryandcouldjustifyallofhisactions,Iwouldbethefirsttoshakehishandandaskforforgiveness.
Butthatisn’tgoingtohappen.
Sometimes,thevillainisjustthevillain.Simpleasthat.
“IhavetomarryyoutotheSokolovstoformanalliancebetweenourfamilies,”heexplains.
“Yeah,Igatheredthatmuchonmyown.Butthanksforthehelp.”
Hisnostrilsflare,buthecarrieson.“Whenthisallstarted,youweresoyoung.YourmotherandIdecidedthatmarryingMikhailSokolovwasthebestthingforyou.Hewouldbeabletotakecareofyouandgiveyouacomfortablelife.”
“Ididn’twanttomarryhim!”
“Youdidn’tknowwhatyouwanted!”hesnapped.“IfI’dletyoudowhatyouwanted,youwouldhaveendedupapregnantslutwithnoprospects.”
Iblinkathim.“You’re…you’rekidding,right?Ididn’tevenhavemyfirstkissuntilIwaseighteen!”
Heleansinwithasmile.“You’rewelcome.Ikeptyousafe,Cordelia.ThesamewayIprotectedyourmother.”
“Brainwashedmymother,youmean.”
“Callitwhatyouwant,butthetwoofyouweredaysawayfromeatingoutofagarbagecanwhenItookyouin,”hesnarls.“Ivowedtotakecareofyouboth,sothatiswhatIdid.Mikhailwasagoodchoice.Butthenyoufuckedeverythingup.”
“Isavedmyself.”
“YouembarrassedtheSokolovfamily!”heroars.“Doyouhaveanyfuckingideahowmuchdamageyoucaused?Igotyouconnectedtotheonlysonofoneoftherichestmeninthecityandyouranoffonhim.”
Irollmyeyes.“ThenMikhail’sdaddyshouldhavefoundhimanotherwillingwifey.Therewereplentywhowould’vewaltzedinwitheyesopen.”
“Notformenlikethat.”Heshakeshishead.“Youembarrassedhim.Theonlywaytorightthewrongwastogetyouback.IfMikhailwantedtorecoverhisreputation,heneededyoutocomebackonyourknees.”
“Yeah,well,don’tcountonit.”
“Youstilldon’t—”Hegrowlsinfrustration.“Iwasbuildingacareerbeforeyouthreweverythingaway.Whenyoudisappeared,Ihadtostartoverfromnothing.Youdidn’tjustruinMikhail’sreputation;youdestroyedmygoodname.”
“Whatgoodname?”Ispit.
Beforethewordsareevenfullyoutofmymouth,Alexander’shandcracksacrossmyface.
“Watchhowyoutalktome,Cordelia.Idon’tstandfordisrespect.”
Heshakesouthishandlikeitstingsabit.Iwanttoaskifmyfacehurthishand,butIdon’tfeellikegettingslappedtwicebeforeI’veevenhadasipofcoffee.
“I’vedonewellformyselfwhileyouwereaway,”hesays.“Insomeways,youleavinghelped.Italkedtoeveryoneimaginabletryingtofindyouanditputmeintouchwithallkindsofpeople:lawyers,doctors,politicians.Ihaveinfooneveryone.Andinformationsells.”
“Ifthat’strue,youwouldn’tneedtosellme,”Imumble.
Henarrowshiseyesinwarning.“Well,there’salimittowhoIcansellthatkindofthingto.PeoplelikeKonstantinSokolovaren’tgoingtotrustjustanyone.Theyliketokeepthingsinthefamily.Socreatingafootholdtherewouldbehelpful.Plus,youwerepromisedtoMikhail,Cordelia.WhatgoodamIifIdon’tprovemyselftobeamanofmyword?”
“Soallofthis—trackingmedown,holdingmeprisoner,marryingmeofftoMikhail—thisisallsoyoucanbeaprofessionalgossip?”
“Fixer,”hecorrectsicily.“I’mapoliticalfixer.It’sawholelotmorethangossip.Icleanupmesses.Itakecareofproblems.”
Ifeelhiseyesonme.Hedoesn’tneedtosayIamaproblemhewilltakecareofinorderformetounderstandthatisexactlywhathemeans.
“Thejobisunderworld-adjacent,giventhesomewhatquestionablefavorsIhavetopullfromtimetotime.ButIdon’twanttoworkneartheSokolovs;Iwanttoworkwiththem.I’mseekingapromotion.”
Isnort.“Enteringintoalifeofcrimeisarealstepup.Congratulations.”
Heleansback,relaxednow.Slappingmemusthaveconsumedsomeoftheragehe’dbeencarrying.“Youhavenovision,Cordelia.”
“Stopcallingmethat.”
“Stoplivinginafantasy,”hebitesback.“YournameisCordelia.You’remarryingMikhailSokolov.Thesearetherealitiesofyourlifeandthesooneryoucometotermswiththem,thebetteroffyou’llbe.”
Istandtallandproud.“I’mgoingtoescapeandlivefreeagain.Thesooneryoucometotermswiththat,thebetteroffyou’llbe.”
Alexanderarchesagrayingbrow.“AreyoustillwaitingforIvantocomeandsaveyou?”
“No.”
Yes.
IwishIdidn’t,though.Iwanttocutthatuselesshopeoutofme,butIdon’tknowhow.Somepartofmewillalwaysbewaitingforhim,Ithink.Somepartofmewillalwaysbelieve.
“You’reaterribleliar,Cordelia.Icanseeitinyoureyes.YouthinkIvanPushkinisgoingtorescueyou.”Heshrugslazily.“Maybehe’lltry.He’sputforwardmoreofaneffortthanIthoughthewould.Hebarteredonyourbehalf.”
Ifrown.“Hehas?”
Thecrackinmyfacadeallowsafloodofbaselesshopestocomerushingin.MaybehisrelationshipwithFranciaisallpartofsomedeal.Maybeeverythinghehasdoneistokeepmesafe.
“IvanisasgoodaspakhaninthePushkinBratvanow,”Alexandersays,ignoringmyquestion.“Thefactthatyouhaveaconnectiontohimisusefulforme.Itgivesmesomeleveragethere.”
“NoonehasleverageoverIvan.He’lldestroyyou.”
Heturnstome,eyesnarrowed.“Thenwhyareyouherewithmeinsteadoftherewithhim?”
Alexanderthinkshehasmadeagoodpoint.Icantellbythesmugexpressiononhisfacethathethinkshehaswon.
ButtheonlyreasonI’mnotwithIvanrightnowisbecauseIchosetoleave.
IfoundoutaboutKaterinagoingmissingandIdoubtedhim.IthrewawayeverythingI’dlearnedaboutIvaninasecondandfledfromhimandhishouse—rightintothearmsofthepeopleIranfrominthefirstplace.
Thisisallmyfault.
Alexandersighsandwavesmetowardsthedoor.“Goeatandshower.Youlooklikeawreck.”
“Ididn’trealizemyprisoncellhadadresscode.”
“Oh,itdoesn’t.Butthecamerasareunforgiving.”Anoilysmileslipsacrosshisface.
Idon’twanttogivehimthesatisfactionofasking,butIcan’tstopmyself.Iftherearecamerasinmybedroomorsomewhereelseinthehouse,Ineedtoknow.“Whatcameras?”
“You’regoingtogoshoppingwithyourmother.Apropergirl’sdayoutsoyoucanpickoutsomenewclothes.”
“Ihaveclothesupstairs.”
“Clothesyoulefthanginginfavorofjeansandat-shirt.”Hislipcurlsindistaste.“I’llhavethestaffwrestleyouintodressesifImust,butI’mgoingtobekindandletyoupicksomethingyoumightlike.”
Iwanttolaughinhisface.Sendingmedressshoppingwithmymomisthefurthestthingfromkind.It’sactuallyanightmare.
“Then,”hecontinues,“youandMikhailhavealunchdate.”
“Inpublic?”
People.Freedom.Icouldescape.Icouldyellforhelp,and—
“Unfortunately,poorJordenwon’tbejoiningyou,”Alexanderadds.“She’s…occupied.”
Thereitis.Thenot-so-subtlereminderofwhyIwon’tbeescapinganytimesoon.
They’llkillherifItry.
“I’mhere,”Itellhimicily.“YouareholdingmeprisonerandI’mgoingtomarryMikhail.Whydowehavetoparadearoundthecitytogether?Isn’tthisenough?Isyourvictoryovermenotcompleteuntilyou’verubbedmynoseinit?”
“Noteverythingisaboutyou,Cordelia,”hedrawls.“Thisistactical.Themorepeoplewhoseethatmyprodigaldaughterhasreturnedhome,theharderitwillbeforIvantomakeamove.”
Isthataconcern?DoeshethinkIvanmightcometorescueme?Ifso,hemightaswellsavehisworry.Ivanisn’tcomingforme.
Thesemenaregoingtousemeasapawnintheirowngreedygames.
UnlessImakeitstop.
Justlikehedidatthestartofbreakfast,Alexanderclapshishandsagain.“Now,go.I’mbusy.”
IgivemystepfatheronefinallookbeforeIleavehisoffice.He’sregalbehindhisdesk,comfortableandrelaxed.Nothingaboutmypresenceunsettleshim.Hedoesn’tthinkI’mcapableoffightingback.
Good
WhenIdo,he’llneverseeitcoming.14IVAN
I’velostcountofthedayssinceI’veseenCora.
It’shardtokeepareliablerecordoftimewheneverysecondfeelslikeanhour.Thenightsareanendlessstretchoftossingandturning.Ispendthemreplayingthelastcoupleweeksinmymindagainandagain.
WhatcouldIhavedonedifferently?
Everything.
WhoshouldIhavekilled?
Everyone.
That’stheconclusionIreacheverygoddamntime.IfitwouldmeankeepingCorasafeandwithme,Iwouldhavedestroyedtheworld.Istillmight,ifthat’swhatittakestogetherback.
Francia,toherlimitedcredit,haskeptalowprofile.It’snotformybenefit;shejustknowsthatIamoneoutburstawayfromsnappingherspinelikeastickovermyknee.
TheonlyreasonsheisevenstillbreathingisbecausesheknowswhereCorais.AllitwouldtakeisonewhisperfromherandCoracouldbegone.Losttomeforever.
SoI’veletherputteraroundandplayHouse,evenwhenitmakesmefeelfuckingmurderous.
Iavoidherandtrytostaybusy.YashaisstillwithJorden.She’soutofthehospitalnow,butsheneedsaround-the-clockcare.“Thedoctorisstillworriedabouthersleeping,”hesaidwhenwetalkedlastnight.“Someoneneedstobetheretowatchoverherandmakesureshe…sleeps.”
“ThenI’mnotsureyou’retherightguyforthejob.”
“What?”hesnapped,alreadyfrothingatthemouthwithjealousy.“Whynot?Whoelseshoulditbe?”
“Probablysomeonewhodoesn’twanttokeepherupallnight.”
Ittookhimacouplesecondstogetthejoke.Evenwhenhedid,hedidn’tlaugh.Idon’tblamehim.Nothingseemsparticularlyfunnyanymore.
Soaslongastheworldisonfuckingfire,atleastoneofusshouldbewiththewomanwewanttobewith.
Suddenly,myofficedoorfliesopen.
“Whereisshe?”Yashaasks.Noknock.Nogreeting.
Ifrown.“IthoughtyouwerewithJorden.”
Hewavesmeawayandslamsthedoorshutbehindhim.“She’sfine.Shetoldmetocome,actually.Iwasgoingtocall,butshethoughtIshouldshowyouinperson.”
“Showmewhat?”Igrowl.
Insteadofanswering,Yashapullsarolled-upnewspaperoutofhisbackpocketandthrowsitonmydesk.“This.”
Thenewspaperisfoldedinhalf.Anarticleaboutarecord-settingfundraiserforachildren’shospitalfillsthebottomhalfofthepage.Ihaveafeelingthatsliceofwholesomegoodnewsisn’twhatYashawantedmetosee.SoIflipthepaperover…
…Andnearlycrumpleitinmyfist.
Corafillstheupperquadrantofthesocietypage.Herdarkhairispulledintoanelegantlowbunjustunderneathtoday’sdateinthetoprightcorner.Shehasonasimplegreendress—thesameshadeofemeraldashereyes—andheels.Shelookslikethehousewifeina1950svacuumcommercial.
Exceptthereisnopearlywhitesmileonherface.Nofull,pinkcheeks.Nojoy.Herfaceislonganddrawn.Therearebruisesunderhereyesandshelooksfrail.I’mnotsureifit’spossibletoactuallybecomenoticeablythinnerinaweek,butshelookslikeshe’swastingaway.
Idon’thavetowonderwhy.Theanswerhashisarmloopedaroundherwaist.
“Mikhail.”
Ithrowthenewspaperoffmydesk.IfIlookathisplasticsmileorhishandclutchinghershoulderforanothersecond,I’llexplode.
“Forsomeoneinthemiddleofanabduction,heisn’tinhiding,”Yashasays,pointingouttheobvious.
“Ofcoursenot.Mikhailwantseveryonetoknowthey’rebacktogether.”
Backtogether.I’mstilltryingtogetusedtotheideathatCorawaseverengagedtoMikhail.
ThatnightIcaughthimcorneringheratTheCoop,Ihadafeelingtherewasmoretothestory.Atthetime,Ithoughtthat,atworst,hewastargetingherbecausehethoughtIwasresponsibleforhissister’sdisappearance.IfiguredhisonlyconnectiontoCorawasthroughmineandKaterina’sengagement.
ButtherewassomuchmoregoingonthatImissed.SomuchmorethatCoradidn’ttellme.
Iblowoutabreath.She’salive.Thisphotoprovesit.That’ssomethingtobegratefulfor,eveninthemidstofthisshitstorm.
“Doyouthinkit’sajabatyou?”Yashaasks,tippinghischintowardsthepicture.
Ishakemyhead.“Ifanything,it’sacompliment.He’sworriedaboutme.He’slikeadogpissingonthestreetcorner,tryingtomarkhisterritory.”
“Iguessthatmakessense.”Yashagrabsthepaperandscowlsattheimage.“He’stryingtoinsulatehimselfwithwitnesses.”
“Asiftheycouldsavehim,”Imutter
ThefactthathethinksanyamountofsocialpressurecouldstopmefromgettingtoCoraislaughable.Hehasnoideathebeastthathepokedwhenhefuckedwithme.
Hethinksthesephotoswillsavehim,butIcanseehowtiredCoralooks.Howweaksheis.IfIneededmoremotivation—whichIcertainlyfuckingdidnot—Ihaveitnow.
IsnatchthenewspaperoutofYasha’shandandstudythepictureagain.Thistime,Ilookatthebackground.
Thephotoisaclose-up.Nothingmorethanafewlettersfromasignbehindthemisvisible.Andthedescriptionisuseless.
Ithrowthenewspaperbackdownonmydesk.“Weneedtofindoutwherethey’vebeen.Ineedateamtrailingthem.”
“Done.”
“Letmeknowif—”
“There’ssomethingelse,”heinterrupts.“BeforeIsawthepaper,Iwasgoingtocallandtellyouthenews.”Hesmirks,clearlyproudofhimself.“Igotusameeting.WithMarcusSt.Clair.He’sexpectingus.”
Itrynottoletmyemotionsgettoooutofhand.Itmightbenothing.Hemightnothaveanyusefulinformationforus.
Butatthispoint,I’lltakeanyleadIcanget.
Ipushbackfrommydeskwithouthesitation.“Thenwhatthefuckarewestandingaroundfor?Let’sgo.”15IVAN
Ifeeltheairchangethemomentwestepoutintothehallway.I’mprettysureIsmellsulfurandbrimstone,too,actually.Whichmakessense,because—
“Ivan!”shecallsout.
YashacursesbehindmeasIlookdownthehallatFrancia.
She’sstandingatthemouthofthehallway,blockingtheexit.Herhandsareonherhipsandasicklysweetsmiletwistsherface.
IneverfoundFranciaattractive,butshewasacuteenoughgirl.Innocuous.NowthatIknowwhatshe’sreallylike,though,it’sasifIcanseethroughtheopticalillusion.Whatevertricksheusestolookniceandnormaldoesn’tworkonmeanymore.
AllIseeisthedesperatefuckingghoulunderneath.
“Whereareyoutwooffto?”sheasks.
It’sthefirsttimeI’vestoodfacetofacewithhersinceshemovedin.Lastnight,Ibrushedpastherinthekitchen.Shewasatthetableeatingwhatlookedlikewarmed-overslop.IbreezedpastandwenttomyroomwhereNileshadleftmeaplateofsteaminghotbeefandbroccoliwithachocolatesoufflefordessert.
IneedtotalktoNilesaboutthepiss-poorjobhe’sdoingmakingournewhouseguestfeelwelcome.Maybegivehimaraise.
“Out,”Igrowlather.
It’sasmuchasI’mwillingtosay.It’salreadymorethanshedeserves.Sheshouldbegrateful.
“Doyouknowwhenyou’llbeback?”
“No.”
IgesturetoYashaandheslinksaway,keepinghisfacelowandguardedsoshedoesn’tseehisviciousscowl.
FranciahurtJorden,too.YashaiseverybitasfuriousatherasIam.Ipositionmyselfbetweenthemsohedoesn’tdosomethingstupid—eventhoughI’dlovenothingmorethanforhimtodosomethingreally,reallystupid.
Butinsteadofmovingoutofourway,Franciastepsintomypathasweneartheendofthehall.“I’maskingbecauseIhadplansfordinner.”
“Idon’tseewhatthathastodowithme.”
“Wehaven’thaddinnertogetherallweek.”
“I’meatingjustfine.”
“Ifyoudon’tlikethemealsyourchefcooks,wecanfirehim,”shesuggests.“Ihaven’tbeenthrilledwithhiscooking,either.”
“Wearen’tfiringanyone.Iamhappywithmystaff.”
Shesighs.“Fine.Butyoucan’teatoutforeverymeal.Allthatsaltandcholesterolisbadforyourheart.”
Itryforafakesmile,butitendsupasmoreofagrimace.“Isuggestyouworryaboutyourownheart.”
Franciastepscloserandsmoothsherhandsacrossthecollarofmyshirt.“You’resosweettoworryaboutme,Ivan.Believeme,Itakeverygoodcareofmyself.Mybodyisatemple,afterall.Iwanttheworshiperstoenjoytheview.”
Shegivesmeasultrysmile.Mystomachphysicallyturns.
“Ididn’trealizeSatanistsworshipedatatemple,”Yashamusesfromofftotheside.“Isthatwhyyoulooklikeagoat?”
Ihavetostiflemylaughwithacough,butFranciaisn’tfooled.Herfaceandneckturnangryshadesofredasshelookspastmetomysecond,whoiswearinghisusualshit-eatinggrin.
“Ithinkthere’sabittoomuchmaleinfluencearoundhere.”ShesnapshereyesfromYashabacktome.“You’vebeenlivinglikeyou’reinafrathouseforalongtimenow.Ithinkthisplaceisreadyforalongoverdueshake-up.”
“Arewestilltalkingaboutyourbodytemple?”Yashaasks.“Or…?”
“I’mtalkingaboutthehouse.”Whenhereyeslandonme,theysoftenagain.“Ihavesomeideasforredecorating.Thehouseshouldfeelmorelikeus.”
Unlessshe’senvisioningflamesshootingoutofthewalls,brimstonescentintheoildiffusers,andtorturedevicesineverybathroom,I’mnotsurehowshe’sgoingtocaptureour“vibe.”
“I’veputtogethersomeideasforadesignrevamp.IwantedtoshowyouwhatI’mthinkingoverdinner,”shefinishes.
It’snotasifI’minlovewiththedesignofthemansion.Muchofitwasdoneundermyfather’sleadership.Hepassedthebuckontodesignersandletthemcraftabeigepalace.
ButFranciaisoversteppingbyafuckingmile.She’stryingtocarveoutaplaceforherselfhere.Ifshemanagestodothat,I’llhavenochoicebuttoburnthehousedownonceI’vedisposedofher.Idonotintendtoletanythingofherlingeroncethisshitisallover.
“AlldesigndecisionsgothroughNiles,”Ilie.
NileswillhatemeforsendingFranciahisway,butI’mmoreliabletostrangleherwithacurtainthanchooseafabriccolorwithher.
Herjawsets,heralreadythinlipsdisappearinginanangryline.“Fine.”
Imovetowalkpasther,butsheshiftsintomypathagain.“Also,IwanttobeintroducedtotheotherBratvawives.”
Unexpectedly,alaughburstsoutofme.Hereyesnarrowandthereisn’tacoughbigenoughtodisguisethefactthatIjustcackledinherface.
Icontrolmyselfandshakemyhead.“No.No,thatwon’tbepossible.”
“HowamIsupposedtoacclimateintothisworldifIdon’tknowanyone?Youdon’ttakemeanywhere,”shecomplains.“I’vebeencoopedupinthishousesinceIgothereandIdon’tknowanyone.IneedtomakefriendsifI’mgoingto…”Whatevershewasgoingtosay,Franciathinksbetterofit.“IneedfriendssoIdon’tgocrazy.”
“Toofuckinglate,”Yashamumbles.
Franciastartstolookathim,butIdragherattentionaway.“Peopleatthetopdon’thavefriends.”
ShegesturestoYasha.“Thenexplainhim.”
Yashawagshisfingersatherfromunderhisownchin.“Idefyexplanation.”
“Heismysecond-in-command.Heworksforme.”
“Well,Idon’thaveastaff,”shewhines.“Everyonehereworksforyou.”
“Whichyouagreedto.”
“IagreedtobetheBratvawife.Soletmebeone.IwanttomeetsomeotherwomenwhocanrelatetowhatI’mgoingthrough.”
“Goodluckwiththat,”Yashaguffaws.“Idon’tknowofanyotherBratvawivesthatabductedtheirpredecessorandheldthemransomsotheirnewhusbandwouldn’tmurderthemthefirstchancehegot.”
Iflookscouldkill,Yashawouldbeasmolderingholeinthecarpetbynow.
“No,Isupposenot.”Hergazeflicksbacktome.“Maybethat’swhyyouseemunfamiliarwiththeconceptthatCora’slifeisinmyhands.You’veneverseenorexperiencedthiskindofthingbefore.Ifyoudon’tcooperatewithourdealasitwaslaidout,thenIcanmakesureshesuffers…orworse.”
IpositionedmyselfbetweenYashaandFranciatokeepthepeace,butitisYasha’shandfistedinthebackofmyshirtthatactsastheonlythingkeepingmefromthrowingmyselfatFrancia.Mychestrisesandfallsinraggedgasps.Iblinkawaythehatredblindingmeandtrytothinkclearly.
She’sright.WithCorainhercontrol,shehasmebytheballs.
Ihavetobemorecareful.
“Iamcooperatingwithourdeal,”Itellhericily.“I’msavingyouembarrassment.”
“YouthinkIwouldembarrassyou?”shepracticallyshrieks.
“Thepakhan’swifewouldn’tbecaughtdeadfraternizingwith‘lessers’inthefamily,”Ilie.“I’mnotgoingtointroduceyoutothem—becauseyouareabovethem.Itwouldmakeyoulookweak.Isthatwhatyouwant?”
Franciastudiesmyface,searchingforsignsofmydeception.Shemustnotfindanybecausesheshakesherhead.“No,Idon’t.”
“Ididn’tthinkso.Nowifyou’llexcuseus,”Ipurposefullysidestepherandmoveintotheentryway,“wehavethingstotakecareof.”
Getaway.Getawaynow.BeforeyoustranglethisfuckingbitchandthrowCora’slifeinthebalance.
Suddenly,herhandwrapsaroundmybicep.Oninstinct,Ijerkmyarmaway.Franciafrowns,butrecoversquickly.“Iamtiredofbeingcoopedup.MaybeIcouldcomewithyou.”
“No!”Thistime,it’sYashawiththeoutburst.
Webothturntohimandheswallows.“I—I’minchargeofsecurityanditwouldn’tbesafetobringyoualong.”
“Areyoudoingsomethingdangerous?Ifso,Ideservetoknowwhatitis.Iliveinthishouse,too.Ifmyfiancéisgoingtogethurt,thenI—”
“EverydayisdangerousforIvan,”Yashasays.“It’sevenmoredangerousforhis…hiswoman.”
HestumblesoverthedescriptorthesamewayIdo.It’sjustplainfuckingwrong.Franciaisnotmywoman.
“Youaresafewhenyou’rehere.Icankeepaclosereyeonyouandmakesurenothinghappenstoyou.It’s—It’smydutytoprotectyou.”Hebowshisheadslightly.“EvenifIdon’twantto.”
Francia’smouthtwitchesatthelastlittlebarb,butitactuallyservestomaketherestofYasha’smessageseemgenuine.Despitehisownfeelingsabouther,hefeelsitishisdutytoprotecther.Hownoble.It’shisloyaltyinaction.
It’salsoutterbullshit.ButbasedonthesparkleofsurpriseinFrancia’seyes,shedoesn’tknowthat.
Shesighs.“Okay.ThenIsupposeI’llstayhere.”
Inodandmovetowardsthedoor,butFranciareachesoutonelasttime.Herhandswipesovermyshoulder.“Becareful.”
Idon’tbothertorespond.
Aswewalkthroughthedoorandtothecar,Iwantnothingmorethantogobackinsideandshower.IwanttoscrubthefeelofFranciaoffofme—withbleachattheleastandwithfireifnecessary.Iwanttoforgetsheeverexisted.
NotmuchlongeruntilIcan.16IVAN
IspotMarcusSt.Clairthemomentwewalkintothecafe.
Hechoseanupscalespotdowntownwedgedbetweencorporateofficebuildings.Peopleinsuitsandtieschargethroughrevolvingdoorsandbarkloudlyintocellphones.
ButMarcusissittingintheemptyrestaurantwithhishandsfoldedpolitelyonthetableinfrontofhim.Hisgreeneyes—theexactsameshadeashisdaughter’s—studyusaswearrive.
Hestandsuptogreetus,radiatingsuspicion.“Hi,”hesays,handextended.“MarcusSt.Clair.Nicetomeetyou.”
Ishakehishandfirmly.“IvanPushkin.”Iwatchcarefully,butIdon’tregisteranyrecognitionofmynameinhiseyes.
“AndI’mYasha.Iarrangedthemeeting.”
Marcusnodsatmysecondandgesturestowardsthetable.Themomentwesitdown,heleansforward.“So,areyoulawyersforAlexanderMcAllister?”
IlookatYasha.“Ithoughtyouspokeonthephone.”
“Wedid,”Yashasayssoftly.
“Andwhatdidyoutalkabout?”
“Youwanttomeetconcerningmydaughter,Cordelia,”Marcussays.There’sabitetohisvoice.Hedoesn’tlikebeingtalkedaround.Yetanothertraitheshareswithhisdaughter.“Inmyexperience,thatusuallymeansAlexanderhassomethingtodowithit.Ihaven’tspokentoCordeliain…well,it’sbeenalongtime.”
Marcussaysitmatter-of-factly.Nosenseofshameordisappointment.Justatruthhe’sacknowledging:hehasn’tplayedaroleinhisdaughter’slife.
Andhedoesn’tseemtocare.
Buthereallyfuckingshould.
“Ifyouhaven’tspokentoyourdaughter,whenwasthelasttimeyouspoketoAlexander?”
“Evenlonger,”hesayswithascowl.“Alexanderlikestosendinotherpeopletodohisdirtywork.Peoplelikeyou.”
Yashasitstaller,lockedandloadedtoinformMarcusexactlyhowwrongheis.ButIsubtlywavehimoff.
“Whatkindofefforthaveyoumadetoseeyourdaughter?”
Marcusscoffs.HecrosseshisarmsoverhischestandIcantellexactlyhowwellmadehisshirtis.It’stailoredforhimandthecottonisthick.Proofenoughthathe’sdoingwellforhimself.JustlikeCorasaid,herfatherhadmorethanenoughmoneytotakecareofherandhermom.
Buthedidn’t.
Becauseofthat,CoraendedupinthehandsofAlexander.Herentirelifewasderailed.AsgladasIamthatitbroughthertome,italsostoleherfromme.Thismanshouldhaveprotectedher,butheabandonedher.
Iwanttoknowwhy.
“Cordeliahasn’tmissedme.”There’sangerinMarcus’svoice,butIgetthefeelingthatthere’smorehappeningherethatIdon’tunderstandyet.
“Youthinkyourdaughterdoesn’twanttoknowyou.”
“Ithinknoonehasmadeanyefforttoincludeme,soIhaven’tmadeanefforttobeincluded,”hespits.“Ithoughtmaybe,onceCordeliawasanadult,shewouldreachoutandwecould—well,itdoesn’tmatter.Shedidn’t.Iassumeshe’sdoingfineandIleaveitatthat.”
Marcustwineshisfingerstogether,hisjawworkingbackandforth.
Igetitnow:therewasnoshameinhisvoiceamomentagobecausehe’slivid.Whateverthismanhasbeenthrough,heispissedthathedoesn’tgettoknowhisdaughter.
Now,thatIcanworkwith.
“Ifthat’swhatyouthink,thenI’mgladyouagreedtositdownwithus,”Isay.“Yourdaughterisnotdoingwell,Marcus.She’snotdoingwellatall.”
Hisbrowlowers.HelooksfrommetoYasha,suddenlytense.“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
“Wedon’tworkforAlexander,”Yashaexplains.“ItoldyouthatwewantedtotalktoyouregardingCoraandAlexander,but—”
“Cora?”Hefrowns.“Whoisthat?”
“Yourdaughter,”Iexplain.“ShechangedhernameaftersheranawayfromAlexanderthefirsttime.”
“Ididn’tknowshe—Holdon.Thefirsttime?Sheranawaymorethanonce?”Heblinks,processing.Thenhiseyesgowide.“Isshealive?”
“She’salive,”Ireassurehim.“Andsheranawayoncebefore,butI’mhopingshe’lldoitagain.Becauseasofnow,Alexanderhasherback.”
Marcusleansforward.Hisnostrilsflareasangerburblesoutofhim.“Whathashedone?”
Oh,yeah.Icandefinitelyworkwiththis.
“Coraissettobemarriedofftoapsychopathinthecriminalunderworldagainstherwill,”Itellhimcoolly.“It’swhysheranawaythefirsttime.Alexanderisusinghertoformalliancesforhisownbenefit.”
“Thatisn’t—forGod’sfuckingsake,thatisn’tlegal!Thatcan’tbe—Whydidn’tshecometome?”Itseemsmorelikeaquestionhe’saskinghimselfthanoneheexpectsananswerto.
“Becauseyouabandonedherandhermother.”
Marcusturnsonme,eyesnarrowedashehisses,“Ineverabandonedher.Ever.EvalineranaroundbehindmybackandhookedupwithAlexander.IwaswillingtomakethingsworkforCordelia’ssake,butEvalinedivorcedme.Thenshetookmydaughterandran.”
“Corathinksyouhungthemouttodry.”
Hechucklesdarkly.“Yeah.EvalineandAlexandermadesuretopaintthatpictureofme.Buthe’stheonewhoabandonedthem.HetoldEvalinethathe’dneverspeaktoheragainifshedidn’tpackupCordeliaandleaveme.Soshedid.ButAlexanderdidn’tgiveheranywheretogo.”
Coratoldmeaboutthemonthssheandhermomspentonthestreets.Howdesperatetheyweretofindshelterandfood.
Ifrown.“CorathinksthatEvalinemetAlexanderlateron.Aftertheywerealreadyhomeless.Shetoldmethattheymetandthenhetookthemin.”
Marcusshakeshishead.“No.Alexanderwantedherdependentonhim.Hewantedtomakesuresheburnedeveryotherbridgeinherlifebeforehefinallylethermoveintohishouse.Shechoselivinginthefuckinggutteroverbeingwithme.Shestolemyfamilyawayinthedeadofthegoddamnnight.”Heblowsoutabreath.
“WhywouldEvalinedothattoherdaughter?Thingsmusthavebadbetweenyouforherto—”
“Theyweren’t,”hebitesout.“Weweren’talwaysthehappiest,butItookcareofher.AndCordelia,too.SheleftbecauseAlexanderisasnakewhoknowshowtopreyonweakpeople.”
“Didyoutrytogetthemback?”
“Ifoughtforcustody.Itried,anyway.”Heshakeshishead,ashadowfallingoverhisfaceasthememoriesrollback.“Alexanderhasfriendsinhighplaces.WhenItriedtotakethemtocourt,menshowedupatmyhousewithdocumentssayingthatIgaveupmyrightstoCordelia.Ineversignedthem,butitwasmysignatureforgedrightthereatthebottomofthepapers.AndifItriedtofightit,IknewhowI’dendup.Thethreatswerevague,buttheywereclearenough.”
IknowAlexanderisapoliticalfixer,butitsoundslikehehadalotofpowerevenadecadeago.Howmuchmorepowerfulishenow?
“Whathaveyoubeendoingsincethelasttimeyouspoketoher?Haven’tyouwonderedwhatisgoingoninherlife?”
Hedragsahandoverthebackofhishead,rufflinghairthesameshadeofchestnutashisdaughter’s.“OfcourseIdid.ButIdidn’tfeellikeIhadanoptiontoknowanythingabouther.SoItriedtomoveon.Igotremarried.IlivedthebestlifeIcouldandhoped,sinceIcouldn’tlookforCordelia,thatshewouldlookforme.”
Ican’tthinkofasinglethreatthatwouldeverkeepmeawayfromCora.Thereisnothinganyonecouldsayordotomakemestopchasingher.Tomakemelethergo.
Asifhecanreadmymind,Marcusleansforward.Hiseyes—Cora’seyes—boreintomine.“IfI’dhadanyideawhatAlexanderhadplannedforCordelia,Ineverwouldhavestoppedfighting.Itrulythoughtshewashappythere.”
Marcusisn’tperfect,buthecares.Onsomelevel,hecaresaboutCoraandwhathappenstoher.
Rightnow,that’sgoodenoughforme.
“Coraisnothappythere,whichiswhyIneedtogettoher.Now.”
Marcusnods.“Absolutely.Ifthere’sanythingIcando,thenI’ll—”
“TellmeeverythingyouknowaboutAlexanderMcAllister.”
Hepausesandsighs.Thenhestartstotalk.
***
Asitturnsout,MarcushaslessinformationthanIhoped.HescribblesAlexander’saddressdownonanapkinaswellasafewotherbusinessesthatareconnectedtohim—lawyersandaccountant’soffices,mostly.
Butit’sastart.
Though,ashestartstoslidethenapkinstowardsme,hestops.“Justonething.Afavor.”
Ieyethenapkin.“Ask.”
“WhenyoufindCordelia,Iwanttomeetwithher.”Helowershisgazetothetable.Finally,asignoftheshameIwantedtoseebefore.“Iwanttoapologizetoher.Ishouldhavefoughtharder.Ishouldhave—ah,fuck,let’sjustleaveitat.There’salotIwanttosaytoher.’”
“Iwon’tmakeyouanypromises.”
Marcusfrowns.“Butsheismy—”
“She’sherownwoman,”Iinterrupt,myvoicesharp.“Itwillbeherchoiceifshemeetswithyouornot.ButI’llpassthemessagealong.”
Hesighs,butnodsslowly.“That’sfair.Ionlywanttoseeherifshewantstoseeme,too.Idon’twanttobelikeAlexander.”
“Nobodydoes,”Yashamutters.
“Icouldn’tagreemore.”Marcusslidesthenapkinover,meetingmyeyes.“Givehimhell.”
Asweleavethecafe,thenapkintuckedinmybackpocket,IfeelsomethingIhaven’tfeltindays.
Hope.17CORA
Ileanagainstthedressingroomwallandwatchthebubblesfloattothesurfaceofmychampagneflute.
Astackofdressesineveryimaginablecut,shade,andmaterialarepiledonthebenchnexttome.Lookingatitmakesmyeyescross.Mymotherandapairofherfriendsarehuntingdownmorethingsformetotryonfromtheshowroomfloor,soIclosemyeyesandtrytoabsorbthepeaceandquietwhileIcan.
Itdoesn’tlastlong.
IhearthegaggleofvoicesdrawingcloserandItosstherestofmychampagneback.MomtoldmeIshouldn’tpartakewhenwearrived,soI’vebeendrinkingabiteverytimeshe’soutoftheroom.There’sahealthybuzzpercolatingundermyskinnow.It’sbetterthanthefearanduncertaintythathasbeenstabbingatmesincethemomentIwokeupinthatdankbasementwithmywristsbound.
“Herewego!”Momsing-songs,pushingbackthecurtainsotheattendantscancartinanothermetricfuck-tonoffabric.“Moreoptions.”
“Everyoption,”Icorrect.“Thishastobemostofthestore.”
AblondewomanMomintroducedasher“dearfriend”laughsfromthehallway.“Ifyouwantthestore,youcanhaveit.GodknowsAlexandercanaffordthebill.”
Mymomchuckles,butitdoesn’treachhereyes.Pinkrisesinhercheeks.
ItakeherblushasconfirmationthatIwasrightaboutthefourstaffmembersservingusbreakfastthismorning:Alexanderdoesn’thavethemoneyforthemoranyofthis.It’swhyheneedsmetomarryMikhail.
“IfAlexanderwon’tbuyyouwhatyouwant,askMikhail,”adark-hairedwomansuggests.HernamerhymedwithStellaorStacyorsomethinglikethat,buthercoiffedupdolookslikedevil’shornssoI’vebeencallingher“Satan”inmyhead.
“That’strue,”theblondewomanagrees.“Mikhailisn’tlackingforanything,either.Ican’tbelievehehadn’tbeensnatchedupyet.”
SatanelbowsBlondie,whoseemstorealizewhatshesaidallatonce.
“Butobviously,it’sbecausehewaswaitingforyou,”sheaddsquickly.“Trueloveisworthwaitingfor.”
LookslikeI’llbewaitingforever,Ithinkmiserably.
Still,Ivan’sfaceflickersinmymind.IseehimeverytimeIblink.HauntingmewithwhatIcan’thave.
Mymotherhaskeptherselfbusysincethemomentwearrivedatthestore.Nowisnodifferent.Toavoidlookingatme,sheoccupiesherselfbyhangingeachitemofclothingfromabaronthewall.Butsheglancesoveratherfriends.“Mikhailisverypatient.Andgenerous.Icouldn’tbehappierwiththematch.”
Rightoncue,herfriendsoohandawwoverthismake-believeversionofMikhail.“MuchbetterthanthatawfulPushkinbrute—”Satanstartstosaybeforerealizingshe’scrossedalineandclappingherhandsoverhermouth.
Mymom’shandsgoperfectlystilloverthelinendressshe’sholding.She’ssopaleIthinkshemightpassout.
Thenshequicklyspinstome,hergazefixedsomewhereovermyshoulder.“Here,Cordelia.Trythison.”
It’sanorder.Changethesubject.Now.
Whilethewomenquicklylaunchontothesafergroundoffloralarrangementsandcolorthemesfortheceremony,ItryontenmoreoutfitsthatIdon’tevensee.Itwouldn’tmatterifIdid—beforeIcanevenattempttoformanopinion,mymomoroneofherridiculousfriendsmakesuptheirmindsformeandthenI’mbeingunzippedandshovedintothenextthing.
Thisishowtheybreakyou,Ithink.Theymakefightingbackandhavingyourownopinionsoexhaustingthatit’seasiertoletthemhavecontrol.
Bytheendofit,wehaveatidystackofthingslaidupinthebackcornerthatareAlexander-approved.MymomhandsthemtoSatanandBlondietotaketothefrontofthestore.
“Ifithadbeenme,Iwouldhavedonealotmoredamage,”Blondiesayswithawink.“There’salwaystime,though.We’llcomebacklaterandI’llteachyoumyways.”
“NotifIcanhelpit,”Imutter.
Theydon’thearme,butIcatchmymom’seyeinthemirrorandIknowshedid.Sheturnsawayandstartsgatheringalloftherejectedclothesintoapile
It’sstrangetowatchhermovearoundme.Bothsofamiliartomeandcompletelyunrecognizable.I’mstandingonefootawayfromherandyetImisshermorethanIhaveinyears.
“Mom.”Myvoicecracks.Iknowshehearsit.
Shestiffensbutdoesn’tturntome.
“Mom,just…justletmego,”Iwhisper.“TellAlexanderthatIgotaway.Islippedthroughanemergencyexitandyoulostme.I’lldisappear.”
Ican’tdoanyofthat.AlexanderstillhasJorden.IfIrun,they’llkillher.It’swhytherearen’tguardswithusrightnow.Hedoesn’tneedthem.
Butit’satest.Whatwillmymomchoose?Willshetrytoprotectherdaughterfromthehorrorsheadedmyway?
Orwillshedragmealongandtossmeintotheflames?
Herjawflexesasshestandstallandturnstowardsthedoorway.Shecheckstomakesureherfriendsaren’tnearbybeforeshelooksoveratme.“Thatisn’twhatAlexanderwants.”
“Yeah,Iknow,”Isnap.“BecausewhatAlexanderwantsisinsane.”
“Beingtakencareofbyagoodmanisnotinsane.”
“ThinkingAlexanderisa‘goodman’is,though.He’samonster!”
Sheshakesherhead.“You’reonlysayingthatbecauseyoudon’tknowwhatit’slikenottohaveasafetynet.Evenwhenyouleft,youknewyoucouldalwayscomehome.”
“Home?”Ispit.“Hishousewasnevermyhome.Ican’tbesafewithamanwhotreatsmelikecattle.Likeabarteringchip.”
IcanpracticallyseemywordsbouncingofftheshieldAlexanderhasbuiltaroundher.“Hetakescareofus,Cordelia.Alexanderisdoingwhatisbestforus—forbothofus.Withouthim,we’dstillbeonthestreets.”
Thereisn’tasinglepartofherthatthinksshecantakecareofherself.Jordenalwayswaxedonaboutwantingasugardaddy,butit’sbecauseshewantedabreak.Notbecauseshewasn’tcapable.
ButAlexanderhasfooledmymomintothinkingshecan’tdoasinglethingforherself.
“I’dratherbeonthestreetsthaninprison,”Ihiss.“That’swhatthisisforme,Mom.Aprison.”
Sheliftsherchin.“I’msorryyoufeelthatway.”
Ipause,waitingforhertosaysomethingelse.Waitingforhertoshowsomekindofconcernforheronlydaughter.Evenjustatinylittlesmidgeofsympathy.
Butthereisnothing.
Iknewalongtimeagothatmymotherwasbrainwashed,soI’mnotsurprised.Butthatdoesn’tmakeherresponseanylesspainful.
HattheBratpokesherhelmetedheadofhairintothedressingroom.“Theyareringingyougalsup.SomeonebettergetouthereandpaybeforeIthrowafewthingsformyselfonthepile.”
“Right?IfIwastwentyyearsyoungerandtwentypoundslighter,I’dstealallofCordelia’sclothesformyself!”Momlaughsgiddilyandturnstome,nosignofourpreviousconversationonherfaceatallexceptfortheslightestglimmerinhereyes.“Neverforgethowluckyyouare,darling.Itallfadesinaninstant.”
Goahead.Fade.
Iwon’tcomplain.18CORA
Sometimeduringdinner,someonedeliveredalloftheclothesIboughtthisafternoontomyroom.Ishufflethroughthehangersanddon’trecognizeanything.I’msureItrieditallon,butitwasablur.Evennow,thedressesmightaswellbeidenticalprisonjumpsuitsforasdifferentastheylooktome.
Islammyclosetclosedandflopdownonthebed.
Dinnerwasslightlymorebearablethanbreakfast,butonlybecausenoonespoke.Notasingleword.Alexanderandmymotherateinstonysilence.Iwantedtoprobethemtoseeiftheywereinafight.I’mfindingweaknessesbetweenAlexanderandMikhailalready,somaybefindingafewbetweenMotherandDaddyDearestcouldbeuseful,too.
Butthesilencewasnice.
Atfirst,Ithoughtbeinglockedawayinaroombymyselfwastorture.Now,it’spreferable.TherearenomindgameswhenI’malone.Noonetriestobendmetotheirwill.It’speaceful.
SoIguessIshouldn’tbesurprisedthatfatesays,Oops,nevermind,andmybedroomdoorswingsopen.
Igofromrelaxedtoareadypositioninrecordtime.Myheartslamsagainstmyribs,adrenalinepumpsthroughmyveins.
Butit’sonlyamaid.She’syoung.Nomorethantwenty-five.Herblondehairistwistedintoabraidonthetopofherhead.She’swearingablackdressthatcoversherfromnecktokneejustlikeAlexanderorders.
“Excuseme,miss,”shesays,incliningherheadslightly.“I’mjustheretochangethesheets.”
“Someonewasinmyroomearliertoday.”Igesturetothecloset.“Ifmysheetsneededchanging,theywouldhavedoneitthen.”
“It’sanormalpartoftheschedule.Justablanketrefresh.”
Shetakesastepintomyroom,butImovetowardsher,blockingherpath.“I’mfine.Idon’tneednewblankets.”
WhatIneedisfiveminutestomyselfwithoutanysurprises.
“Itwillonlytakeamoment.”
Allatonce,myannoyanceshiftstoawareness.
Somethingiswrong.
Sheisn’tsupposedtobehere.DidAlexandersendher?Mikhail?Francia?Someoneworse?
Ithrowoutanarmsoshecan’tpass.“Whoareyouandwhatdoyouwant?”
Hercheeksflushandshespeaksevenmorequietly.“Iwanttohelpyou…withyourblankets.That’sall.”
Thewayshesaysitsetsoffevenmorealarmbells.“No.”
“MissCora,”shesayssosoftlyIcanbarelyhearher,“ifyou’djustletmein,thenI’ll—”
“I’mnotlettingyouanywhere,”Ibark.“Idon’tknowwhoyouareorwhatyouwant,butifyoudon’tleavethenI’ll—”
I’ll…what?YellforAlexander?Ifthiswomanishere,it’sprobablyathisbidding.She’sprobablygoingtoslipsomekindofpowdereddrugonmypillowtoknockmeoutsohecandoGod-knows-whattome.
BeforeIcanfinishthethought,thewomanreachesintoherpocket.
ItakeasteptowardsmybookshelfsoIcansnatchmyletteropeneroutofitshidingplace,butthenIstop.
Themaidpullsaphoneoutofherpocket.Shetapsasinglebuttonandpressesthephonetoherear.“HereisCora,sir.”
Cora.NotCordelia.Cora.
Thensheholdsthephoneouttome.
Istareatitlikeitmightberadioactive.Intheend,curiositygetsthebestofme.Gingerly,Ipressittomyear.“Hello?”
There’sasinglebeatofsilencebeforethreelittlewordscrackmyheartwideopen.
“Cora.”Thedeeprumbleofhisvoiceisasfamiliartomeasmyown.“It’sme.”
Ivan.
Idroptomyknees.19CORA
Themaidchecksthehallwayandthenclosesthedoorbehindher.
I’mstillonmyknees.Mylegsareweakandwobbly,butmygriponthephoneiscrushing.MymouthopensandclosesaroundsilentwordsIcan’tspeak.
Imissyou.
Ineedyou.
Whereareyou?
Comesaveme.
Finally,Iraspout,“It’syou.”
“It’sme,”herepeats.“I’msorryittooksolong.”
Tearsstingmyeyes,butIblinkthemback.Idon’tknowwhatthisconversationisaboutyet.LastIheard,he’sengagedtoFrancia.I’velearnedbetterthantojumptoconclusions.
“Whatisthis,Iv—”
“Don’tsaymyname,”hebarks.
Isnapmymouthclosed.
“Don’triskit,”headdsabitsofter.“Incaseanyoneislistening.”
“Areyouworriedwhatyournewfiancéewillthinkifshefindsout?”MorevenomthanIexpectedleaksfrommyvoice.Apparently,losingagameofmusicalfiancéswilldothattoagirl.
Iusetheangertoforcemyselfbacktomyfeet.Ineedtobereadyforwhateveriscomingnext.
Ivanhastheaudacitytochuckle.“Iknewyou’dbepissedaboutthat.”
“Pissed?I’mnot‘pissed’;I’mdevastated.”
“Cora.”Hesighs.
Thepityinhisvoicemakesmefeelphysicallysick.“Itrustedyouandyouliedtome.Yougotengagedtothewomanwhowantedtokillme.”
Imakeitsoundpersonal,butI’dbejustasbrokenifhewasengagedtosomerandomgirlI’dneverseenbefore.
Itwouldn’tmatterwhohewaswith—itwouldalwaysfeelwrong.
Heshouldbewithme
“It’smorecomplicatedthanthat.Itwastheonlywaytosaveyourlife.WhythefuckelsewouldIeverwanttobewithFrancia?”
Mikhail’swordsinthatbasementdungeoncomebacktome.
IvanPushkinnevergaveafuckaboutyou,andnow,he’sgoingtomarryFrancia.Hesaidshewouldhavebeenthebetterchoiceallalong.Youwerenothingmorethanadistraction.
“SheknowshowtoplaythegamebetterthanIdo,”Isaysoftly.“Shehasconnectionsandshewantsabusinessarrangement.That’swhatyou—”
“Ididn’twantyoutoactuallyanswerthequestion.Fuckinghell,Cora,”hebreathes.“I’mnotwithherandIneverwillbe.Notinanywaythatmatters.”
IwantthosewordstobetruemorethanI’veeverwantedanything.
ButI’vebeendeceivedtoomanytimes.Trickedandliedtotoooftentotrustanything.
EvenIvan.
EspeciallyIvan.
HeexistsinaworldIbarelyunderstand.AsfarasIknow,thiscouldallbeanothermanipulation.
“Areyouokay?”heasksgently.“Hasanyonehurtyou?”
Ilookdownatmywrists.They’vescabbedover,thoughstilltendertothetouch.Butbeyondthat…
“No.Noonehashurtme,”Isay.“Notphysically.”
Hebreathesoutanditsoundsalotlikerelief.Thatalonegoesfurtherthananythingelsehehassaidtomakingmebelievethatheactuallycares.
Evenifhecanneverloveme—evenifI’llneverbehiswife—atleasthecareswhetherI’msafe.That’smorethancanbesaidforanyothermaninmylife,includingmyownfather.
“I’msorryithastakensolongtogetintouchwithyou.Ittookafuckingeternityjusttofigureoutwhereyouwerebeingheld.ThenIhadtogetsomeoneontheinsidetomakecontact.”
Iglanceoveratthemaid.Sheisstandingagainstthedoor,hereyesfixedonthefloor.
“Whydidsomeoneneedtomakecontact?Whatisthisabout?”
“BecauseIneedyoutoknowthatI’mgoingtogetyououtofthere,Cora.”
I’masleep.I’mdreaming.ThatistheonlywaythosewordsarecomingoutofIvanPushkin’smouthrightnow.
“I’mgoingtogetyououtofthereandsendyou…God,sofuckingfaraway,”hecontinues.“I’llgetyouawayfromthiscityandthesepeople—fromme.Whereyou’llbesafe.”
Justlikethat,thedreampops.“You’regoingtosendmeaway?”
“HalfwayaroundtheworldifIhaveto.Whateverittakestokeepyousafe.”
Okay,sothisdoesn’tseemlikeatrick,butitalsoisn’ttheromanticrescueIwashopingfor.
“Idon’twantthat,”Iprotest.“Idon’twanttobesentaway.”
“It’stheonlywayyou’llbesafe,Cora.”
“Idon’tcareaboutbeingsafeifI’mnot—”IfI’mnotwithyou.Iswallowdownthewords.“EvenifthatiswhatIwanted,it’simpossible.Ican’tleave.”
“Thefuckyoucan’t,”hegrowls.“I’mgoingtogetyououtofthere.Nooneisgoingtostopme.”
“Jorden.”
Hehesitates.Whenhespeaks,hisvoiceisicycold.Itsendsashiverdownmyspine.“IsJordeninvolvedinthisshit,too?WassheworkingwithFrancia?Ifsheisinvolved,youneedtotellmeeverything—”
“No,no.Sheisn’tinvolved.She’savictim,”Itellhim.“ButtheyhaveJorden.IfIescape,they’llkillher.”
“Whowillkillher?”heasks.
Ibitemylip,guiltrisingupinme.“IshouldhavetoldyouaboutallofthisthatnightatTheCoop.Ishouldhavetoldyoubeforethatprobably.ButIwas…Iwasrunningaway.Iwastryingtohide.Ididn’tthink—”
“Mikhail.”
“Yeah.”Isag,headdippedlow.“MaybeifI’dbeenhonestabouteverythingfromthestart,youcouldhavestoppedthisbeforeitstarted.Butnow,it’stoolate.MikhailhasJordenandheisgoingtokillherifIdon’tmarryhim.”
“MikhaildoesnothaveJorden.”
Istandtall,myeverycellatfullattention.“What?”
“Mikhaildoesn’thaveJorden,”herepeats.
“But…Iheardher.Therewasascream,and—Howdoyouknow?”
“BecausesheiswithYasharightthissecond.”
Istareatthewallasrealityshiftsaroundme.
“Fuck,”Ihiss.
OnescreamthroughatinnycellphoneisallittookformetobuyintoAlexander’sversionofevents.Thatisallittookformetogoquietly.TodowhatIwastoldandobeywithoutquestion.
Icouldhaveplowedthroughmymotherandhertwofriendsattheshopandsprinteddownthesidewalkthisafternoon.IcouldhavescreamedforhelpwhenMikhailandIwalkedtolunch.
“Icouldhaveescapedsomanytimes,”Igritout.“I’mgoingtokillthem.Allofthem.”
“Cora,wait.”
Iwalktothebookshelfandpulloutmyletteropener.Themaidisstillintheroom,butifIvantrustsher,thenIguessItrusther,too.
“I’mtiredofwaiting,”Isay.“I’mgoingto—to—shit,Idon’tknow!Forcemywayout?”
Hesnorts.“Withwhat?Doyouevenhaveaweapon?”
Ilookatthetinyblade.WhenIclosemyfist,itbarelysticksoutofmyhand.“Ihavealetteropener.”
“Youandatwo-inchdullbladeagainsttheworld?”Helaughs.“WhyamInotsurprised?Butifyoustopandlistentomeforasecond,IthinkIhaveabetteroption.”
“Abetteroptionforwhat?Isthemaidyousentinherearmedwithsomethingmoredeadlythanacellphone?”Ilookoveratthewomanandshefinallymeetsmyeyes.Shegivesmeaquickshakeofherhead.
Guessnot.
“Ihaveabetteroptionforgettingyouhome,”heclarifies.
Home.
God,Iwantthatsobad.
Ivanclearshisthroat.“I’llgetyououtofAlexander’shouseandgetFranciaoutofourlives.ButIneedyoutobepatient.”
Iclingtothephonewithbothhands.“Ican’t.Ineedtogetoutofhere.”
“Andyouwill.”Hesaysitwithsomuchcertaintythatit’salmostimpossiblenottobelievehim.Yetsomepartofmereallycan’tseebeyondthesefourwalls.SomepartofmerefusestothinkI’lleverescape.
Tearswellinmyeyes.Iswipethemaway,gratefulIvancan’tseethem.“Alexanderisscary.Iknowwhathe’scapableofnow.Idon’twanttobehereanylongerthanIhaveto.”
“IfIcouldgetyououtrightnow,Iwould.But…”Hegrowlsinfrustration.“I’mgoingtogetyouout,Cora.Andyouaren’tintherealone.Ihavepeoplewatchingoveryou.”
Ilookoveratthemaidagain.AsifshecanhearIvan,shenodsherheadatme.
“Butwehavetogetoffthephonenow.”
“No!”IknowIsoundlikeachild.Justonemoreminute.Butthat’showIfeel.Smallandhelpless.Evenifhecan’tbehereinperson,havingIvaninmyearisbetterthannothing.Ifeelsafe.
“Itwilllooksuspiciousifshe’sinyourroomtoolong,”heexplains.“I’llcallagainsoon.”
“Youpromise?”
“Iswearit,solnishka.”Hisvoiceislowandserious.Iwanttowrapupinitlikeablanket.“Iwon’tleaveyouthere.I’llgetyouout.”
Inod,tearscloggingmythroat.
“Ineedyoutotrustme.”
Iswallowdownmyemotions.“Ido.Itrustyou.”
Hedoesn’tsayanythingelseasthemaidtakesthephoneandslipsoutofmyroom.20IVAN
I’veheldcountlesslivesinmyhands.I’vebeenresponsibleforendingthem.Forsavingthem.
ButnothingcomparestohearingCoraadmitthatshetrustsme.
Ihangupthephonewithanewweightonmyshouldersandanachebelowmybelt.SincethemomentCorawastaken,Ihaven’tbeenabletothinkaboutanythingexceptgettingherback.I’vebeensolelyfocusedonfindingherandmakingsuresheissafe.
Now,Iknowshe’salive.Forthemoment,she’ssafe.Andshetrustsme.I’mgoingtogetheroutofAlexander’shouseandwhenIdo…
I’mgoingtoreclaimeverylastfuckinginchofher.
AllthesexualfrustrationI’veignoredandshoveddownfordaysbubblesupinoneinstant.Ishiftinmyseat,tryingtoeasethepressureofmyrock-hardcockagainstmyzipper.
“Ihavetolethergo.”Isayitoutloud,asifmydickmightlistentoreasonandgolimpwithdisappointment.
Butifanything,theunderstandingthatIcan’tkeepCoramakesmewantherevenmore.
“Maybejustonemoretime,”Iwhispertomyself.“Itwillbeagoodbye.”
MycockjumpsatthetrulyterribleideaevenasmymindknowstherewillbenowalkingawayfromCora.IfIgetherbackinmybed,evenforanight,I’llneverwanttolethergo.
Hersoftbodyinmysheets.Hersmoothskinagainstmine.Theburningheatofherdesireonmytongue.
Withoutreallymeaningto,Islidemyzipperdownandletmyselfspringfree.
I’venevermetsomeonewhocanmakemelosecontrolthewayshecan.NootherwomanhasevermademewanttothrowawayeverythingIhaveandeverythingI’vebuiltjustforonemoretasteofher.
Idragmypalmupmylength,groaningasIimagineCorasprawledonmymattress.Asheenofsweatglisteningonherskin.ButasIgetcloser,sherollstoherbellyandanglesherhipsup.
Takemelikethis,shesays.I’mtootiredtositup.ButIneedyou.
God,Ineedher,too.
I’vememorizedthefeelofherhipsinmyhands.TheweightofherbodyasIdragheragainstmeandthrustinsideofher.
Onestroke,two,three…Itdoesn’ttakemuchandI’malreadyontheedge.AlreadytryingtodragoutthisimaginarymomentforaslongasIcan.BecausethisistheonlyreliefI’llgetuntilCoraisactuallybackinmyarms.
UntilIcanhearthesoftnoisesshemakesinthebackofherthroatwhenshe’sclose.
UntilIcanfeelherbodygripmeaspleasureexplodesinsideofher.
“Fuck!”Heateruptsoutofme,spillingdownmyhandastheimagefades.Asthedreamslipsaway.
Idon’tdeserveonemorenightwithher.I’mnotsureanymandoes.
ButI’mgoingtotakeitanyway.
AssoonasCoraisoutofAlexanderMcAllister’shouseandsafewithme,I’mgoingtotakeonelastselfishnightwithhertoburnthroughasmuchoftheinsatiabledesireinmychestasIcan.ThenI’mgoingtosendherawaywhereshe’llbesafe.SafefrommeandAlexanderandFranciaandMikhailandKonstantinandanyoneelsewhowantstohurther.
ButIcan’tlethergowithoutonemoretaste.21IVAN
IsleptinanemptybedforyearsbeforeCora.Itwasbychoice;Ididn’twantanyoneinmyspace,especiallywhenIwasasleep.InevertrustedanyoneenoughtoletthemclosewhileIwassovulnerable.Untilher…
Now,though,whenIfeelhersideofthebeddip,whenIfeelahandsnakearoundmywaist…Iwelcomeit.
Idon’tevenmindthatshewokemeupfromadamngooddreamasherhairwhispersovermychest.
Inthedream,CoraandIwereoutonadate.Therestaurantwasloud,buttheworldarounduswasdarkandhazy.Indistinct.Nooneelsemattered.Icouldn’tseethem.Didn’twantto.
Therewasonlyher.
Shewasn’tsurewhattoorder,butItoldherexactlywhatIwanted.“Andwhatisthat?”sheasked,aknowingsmileteasingthecornersofherfullmouth
Inanswer,Ispreadheronthetableinfrontofme.IranmyhandsupherthighsanddraggedthetiniestpairofpantiesI’veeverseendowntoherankles
Idevouredherrightthenandthere,notstoppinguntilshe’dfallenaparttwiceandbeggedmetostop.
“Ican’ttakeanymore,”shepanted.“It’stoogood.”
WhenIletherup,sheslidoffthetableintomylap.Shewrappedherlegsaroundmywaist…
Now,I’mawake.Andreadytobringthosedreamstolife.
“Iwasdreamingaboutyou,”Imurmurintothedark.
Sharpnailsdragdownmyabs,alittletoopainfultofeelgood.Shebreathesout.
“Areyoutryingtotellmeyouwantitroughtonight,then?”Iaskwithasmirk.
Sheanswersbypressingherlipstothejutofmyhipbone.Herbreathisdampagainstmyskin.Andherlipsfeelrough,notnearlyassoftandsmoothasI’musedto.
IneverthoughtI’dsaythedreamwasbetterthanreality,but…
Suddenly,shecupsherhandaroundmydick,butshemovestooquickly.Herhandslapsmyballsandthehazeofsleepburnsupinasecond.Ijoltup,eyeswide.
“Whatthefuck,Cor—”
ExceptthewomankneelingbetweenmylegsisnotCora.
Allatonce,everythingfeelswrong.Thesharpnails,herdampbreath,eventhewayshesmells—somedeep,mustystenchinsteadofthebrightfruitinessI’musedto…
Franciasmilesupatme.
“Getthefuckoutofmybed!”Iroar.
Hereyeswideninpanic,butIdon’tstop.Ican’t.Notuntilsheisoutofmybed.Outofmyroom.
“Out!”Iripthecoversoffandshoveheroffofthemattress.“Getoffofme.Getthefuckaway!”
“Ivan,wait—”Shescramblestogetherfeetunderher,butIkeepshovinghertowardsthedoor.
Shepulledmeoutofadreamandintoanightmare.IfIhadn’topenedmyeyes,howlongwouldithavetakenmetorealize?Howlongwouldtheshe-devilhavebeeninmybed?Howfarwouldshehavegotten?
Angerburnsthroughme.Sheisn’tmovingfastenough.
Becausesheisn’trunningforherlife
Igrabherarmanddragheroutofmyroomandintothehall.
“I’mleaving!”Shetriestopulloutofmygrip.“I’moutofyourroom,Ivan.Letmego.”
ButIdon’t.Ican’t.Iwanttodragherstraightoutofthefrontdoor.Iwanttokickhertothecurbinnothingbuttheclothesonherback.Or,really,theclothesnotonherback.
Becauseshe’swearingatinysilkslipwithlacecutoutsonherhipsandchest.
“Thisisjustamisunderstanding,”shewhines.
Likehellitis.Thereisnomisunderstandingthewayshe’sdressed.Thewayshetouchedme.
Igritmyteethinaneffortnottotwistherarmoutofthegoddamnsocket.“Ifuckingtoldyoutherewouldbenotouching.Nolove.Nosex.”
Aswecrosstheentrywayandmoveintotheoppositewingofthehouse,Iseeafewstaffmemberspokingtheirheadsoutoftheshadows.Someguardsaretakingnoteofwhat’sgoingonbetweenus.
Good.IftheywantedtoknowFrancia’splaceinthishouse,thisisit.Coweringatmyfeetlikeadog.
Whenwegettoherdoor,Ifinallylethergo.Shedropstoherkneesandlooksupatmebeneathloweredlashes.
Evennow,she’stryingtoseduceme.Thegamesneverstopwithher.
“Ididn’tcomeintoyourroomtodo…that.Icametotalktoyou.”
“Mostpeopleusetheirmouthsfortalking.Nottheirhands.”
“Icametotalktoyou,butthenIsawyou.”Hereyesglancedownatmycrotch.“Iwantedtogiveyousomerelief.Youlikeditatfirst.”
“IassureyouIdidn’t.”
“Tellthattoyourdick,”shewhispers.“Yougothardforme.”
Beforethewordsareevenoutofhermouth,Isnatchheroffthefloorandpinhertoherbedroomdoorwithmyforearmbarredacrossherthroat.Sheyelps,butthengoesperfectlysilentasIcrowdintoherspace.
“Thatwasnotforyou,”Igrowl.“Itwillneverbeforyou.”
Shefrowns.“Ifit’snotforyourwife,thenwhoisitfor?”
Idon’tanswerthequestionbecausewebothalreadyknowtheanswer.
Francia’sscowldeepens,butIleanincloser.“Ifyoueversneakintomyroomagain,I’llkillyou.”
Withthatvowhangingintheair,Iturnandmarchbacktomysideofthehouse.22IVAN
TheknockatmyofficedoorissosoftthatIalmostdon’thearitatfirst.
Thentheknobturns.
Iassumeit’sgoingtobeoneofthenewmaids.TosavemystafffromneedingtointeractwithFranciaquitesooften,Ihiredafewextrasetsofhands.Theyareyoungandskittish.I’msurebeingorderedaroundbyFranciaalldayhassomethingtodowiththat.Youhavetobemeekandmildtodealwithheralldaywithoutcommittinghomicide.
Insteadofoneofthenewmaids,however,mysisterslipssilentlythroughthedoor.
“Anya?Whatareyoudoing?”
Shequietlypressesthedoorclosedbehindherandthenturnstofaceme.“Avoidingyournewroommate.Shewasinthesittingroom.Ihadtocrawlonmyhandsandkneesthroughtheentryway.”
“Sincewhendoyouknockonmyofficedoor?”
“SinceIheardstormingintoyourroomuninvitedisworthyofadeaththreatthesedays.”
I’mnotsurprisedthestoryofmeputtingFranciainherplaceismakingtherounds.Iknewwehadanaudience.I’mgladwedid.Franciamighttrytogetherrevenge,butatleasteveryoneknowswhereIstandwheresheisconcerned.
“IthoughtItoldyoutoquitgossipingwithmymaids.WhodoIneedtofire?”
Anyasmirks.“Niles.”
Ifoldmyhandsovermystomachandkickmyfeetup.“Bullshit.”
“I’mserious!”sheinsists.“ItwasNiles.Hetoldmeallaboutyourlittlelatenightrun-inwithyourdarlingbetrothed.”
Ishiveratthepetname.Franciaisalotofthings,butsheissureasfucknotmydarlinganything.
“Evenforyou,thatisimpressive.Youmusthavereallywornhimdowntogetthatkindofgossipoutofhim.”
“Pfft,yeahright,”shesnorts.“Nilescouldn’twaittotellmeallaboutit.Hemighthaveevengiggledalittlebit.”Shesmilesatthememory,whichisawelcomesight.Therehasn’tbeenmuchtosmileaboutforeitherofusintoolong.
Thenhersmilefades.Mysistershiftsclosertomydesk,herhandflatonthewoodentop.“Howareyoudoing?”
“Don’tsayitlikethat.”
“Likewhat?”Shepullsback.“I’mworriedaboutmybrother.”
“You’resayingitlikeI’mterminal.”
“Youare.Kindof.”Shewagsherbrowsplayfully.“Terminallyinlove.”Justlikeshedidasakid,Anyamakeskissyfacesatmeuntilshecan’thelpbutlaughatherself.
Irollmyeyes.“Areyoudone?”
“Donewiththeairkisses?Ordoneteasingyou?”sheasks.“BecauseI’mdonewiththeairkissesfornow.ButIwillbemakingfunofyoueverydayfortherestofyourlife.Ormylife.Whichevercomesfirst.”
“Ifyoudon’tstopbeingannoying,thentheendofyourlifeisrapidlyapproaching.”
Shegrins,proudofherself,butholdsupherhandsinsurrender.“Howaboutthis?”Sheleansforward,faceflatandexpressionless.Inhermostroboticvoice,sheasks,“Howareyoudoing,IvanBot?”
“Better,”Ideclare.“AndI’mokay.Howareyou?”
Shesinksdownintotheleatherchairacrossfrommydeskandsighs.“I’mokay,too.Scared,butwedon’thavetotalkaboutthat.We’llkeepitlightandfun.Otherwise,bored.ImissplanningyourweddingtoCora.”
“MyfakeweddingtoCora.”
Shewavesmeaway.“Yeah,yeah.Iknowitwasallfake,butcomingupwiththedesignsandthecolorswassofun.Itfeltreal.”
Itdid.Butit’snevergoingtohappen.ThisissomethingevenAnyawon’tbeabletocharmintoexistence.
“YoucanhelpFranciawithherplanning.I’msurethereareicesculpturestocommissionandyou’llneedtogivetheBolshoiBallettimetochoreographaspecialnumberforthereception.”
“Don’tremindme,”shegrumbles.“She’sleftmethreemessages.”
“Sheactuallycalledyou?”
Anyanods.“Shewantsustogooutforlunchsowecan‘gettoknoweachother.’I’drathergarglebleach.Also,Iknowplentyaboutheralready.Like,Iknowshe’safuckingpsychopath,forstarters.IalsoknowIwishshewasdead.”Sheraisesherbrowsinchallenge.“ShouldIkeepgoing?”
“You’repreachingtothechoir,moyasestra.”Igrimace.“IfI’mnotcareful,she’sgoingtoplanthisentireweddingbehindmyback.I’llwalkoutofmyroomonedayandfindmyselfinthemiddleoftheceremony.”
“Idoubtit.She’dneedhelptoplanaceremonyandsheisn’tgettinganyofthatfromanyonearoundhere.Nilessaidherbreakingintoyourroomsealedthedealforalotofthestaff.Theyhateher.”
“Thatcouldbeaproblem.”
Anyafrowns.“Howisthataproblem?It’sagoodthing.Franciaisinsane.Now,peoplerealizethat.”
“You’reright.She’sinsane,”Isayslowly.“WhichmeansIdon’thaveanyfuckingideawhatshe’lldowhensherealizesherplanisn’tworkingout.Shecouldattackmystaff.ShecouldhurtCora.”
“Shewouldn’tdothat.”Anyalooksatmewithwideeyes.“…Wouldshe?”
“Ican’tbecertain,”Iadmit.“Whichiswhy,asidefromlastnight,I’vetriedtokeephercalm.IneedhertobeplacatedsoIcandowhatIneedtodo.”
Shenodssadly.“Thatmakessense.Ifyouneedanythingfromme,justletmeknow.I’mhappyto—”Anyastopswhensheseesmyface.Theoffertohelplodgesinherthroat.Thensheshakesherheadvehemently.“Nope.Nuh-uh.Noway.Ididn’tmeanit.Idon’twanttohelp.Findsomeoneelse.”
“Shealreadyaskedtomeetup,Anya.It’stheperfectplan.”
“Yeah,exceptforthepartwhereIhavetobeanywherenearFrancia.”
“Itwasn’taquestion,Anya.”
Mysistergroansandmeltsoutofherchairuntilherasshitsthefloor.“Thisisgoingtobeterrible.”
Inod.“Probably.”
“WhatifItakeherforadriveandthenpullovertostretchbutforgettoputthecarinparkand‘accidentally’sendheroveracliff?”
“It’sagoodplanupuntilthepointwhereAlexanderandMikhailfindoutaboutherdeathandkillCorainpunishment.”
Anyasnapsherfingers.“Dang.I’llkeepbrainstorming.”
Ileanovermydeskandclapmysisterontheshoulder.“YoucanbrainstormwhileyoutakeFranciaouttolunchandpickoutsomejewelry.”
“Jewelry?We’regoingshoppingtogethernow,too?”
“Franciaislikeadragon.Orwhichevermythicalcreaturelikesshinybaubles.Pointis,Iwanthertobesobusyguardingherhoardthatshedoesn’tseemecoming.”
“Fine.ButI’mbuyingmyselfsomething,too.”
“Goforit,”Itellher.
“It’sgoingtobebig.Andexpensive.Like,anecklacethatneedsitsownprivatesecurity.We’llneedtoinformNASAofthepurchase‘causethey’llbeabletoseeitfromspace.”
“I’llcalltheInternationalSpaceStationrightnowandletthemknow.”
Shenarrowshereyesatme.“You’renofun.”
“Andyou’renotgettingoutofthisnomatterhowmanythreatsyoumake.”Igiveheratightsmile.“Franciaiscurrentlyinthesittingroom,ifyouwanttogomakeplanswithher.”
Anyascowlsandwavesgoodbyewithoneveryspecificfinger.23IVAN
ThemomentFranciaandAnyadisappeardownthedriveway,Yashaarrives.“They’regone?”heasks.
“Fornow.Butwedon’thaveendlesstime.”
I’vesweptmybedroomandofficeforcamerasandmicrophonescountlesstimessinceFranciamovedin.I’mconfidentsheisn’trecordinganyofmyconversations.Theonlydangerleftisthatshecouldsomehoweavesdroponmymeetingsherself.Hencegettingheroutofthehouse.
DespitewhatAnyaprobablythinks,I’mnotjustsendingheroutonthetownwithFranciaassomekindoftwistedpunishment.She’sgivingusvitaltimetoplotandplan.She’sgettingusonestepclosertoCora.
Whenwegettomyoffice,IlockthedoorwhileYashaspreadsoutastackofpapershebroughtwiththem.Afewofthemarelarge,architecturalplanssketchedoutingraphite.
“Alexander’shouse,”heexplains.
“Thatdidn’ttakelong.”
Hesmiles.“Funfact:thenightsecurityguardatCityHalliseasilyboughtwithacouplecourtsidebasketballticketsandacrispone-hundreddollarbill.”
“Hopefully,Alexander’sstaffcanbejustaseasilybought.”
“Sofar,sogood,”Yashasays.“ThemainproblemisthatAlexanderhiresandfiresmaidssofast.Oneofthemaidssaidthathecannedherwithoutpayingheracent.Thecheapasshole.IcoveredherlostwageswithalittlebonusinexchangeforsometalesofhertimeintheMcAllisterhousehold.”
“ThatexplainswhyheneedsCorasobadly.He’sbroke.”
It’sanexplanation,butthereisnoexcuseforwhathe’sdone.Andtheresureasfuckwillbenosalvation.
“Whenwe’redonewithhim,”Yashasnarls,“he’llhavealotmoretoworryaboutthanhislackofmoney.Lackofahead,forinstance.”
Ilaughgrimly.
Thenwebuckledownandgettowork.
Asidefromthemaidswe’veplanted,Yashahasaccesstooneofthesecuritycameras.It’sanexteriorangle,butitgivesusanideaofwhoiscomingandgoingfromthehouse.Mainly,theanswerisMikhailSokolov.
“Heisn’tthereintheevenings,”Yashasays.“AsmuchasIknowyouwanttokillhim—”
“Youdon’thaveanyfuckingideahowmuchIwanttokillhim,”Igrowl.
“Well,regardless,weshouldprobablywaituntilheisn’taroundtogoinandgether.”
Igrimacebutnod.“Thefewercasualties,thebetter.Idon’twantthemtobeabletotieanyofthisbacktome.NotifAlexanderishalfthefixerthatCora’sdadthinksheis.”
“That’sanotherthing.”Yashastraightensup,wincingashisbackpops.We’vebeenbentovermydeskforalongtime.“I’vebeenthinkingaboutwhatMarcussaid.Ididn’trealizeexactlyhowmuchswayAlexanderhasover…well,everybody.”
“So?”
Herunsahandoverthebackofhisneck.“IwanttogetCoraoutofthereasmuchasanybody,butwehavetodoitinawaythatwon’truintherestofyourlife.Ortherestofmylife.Ortherestofherlife”
“Iknow.Wegetin;wegetout.Nocasualtiesifwecanhelpit.”
“IthinkweneedtohitpauseonanyrescueplansuntilIcangetmoresecurityinthehouse.Ifwejust—”
“No.”
ThewordripsoutofmebeforeIcanevenunderstandwhatYashaissaying.It’saninstinct.
LeaveCorainthehandsofmyenemies?No.
Beapartfromherlongerthannecessary?Never.
AbandonherafterIpromisedI’dgetherout?Idon’tfuckingthinkso.
“Iknow,Iknow.”Yashahashishandsraisedlikehe’stryingtoeasemeoffaledge.“Weneedtogettoherassoonaspossible.”
“Notassoonaspossible,”Icorrect.“Immediately.”
“Butwedon’tdoanygoodifwebargeinthereandareunprepared.WhichiswhyIwanttogetsomemorecamerasputinplace.Ialreadyhaveoneofthemaidsontheinsideworkingonit.Ifthingsgoourway,itwillonlyaddadayortwototheplan.”
“Andiftheydon’tgoourway?”
Yashahesitates.“Thingswillgoourway.Theyalwaysdo.”
“Ifthingsalwayswentmyway,CorawouldbeinmybedandFranciawouldbeinashallowgrave.”
“Bothofthosethingsaregoingtobetrue,brother,”Yashasayssoftly.“I’mgoingtomakesureofthat.”
Intheend,mygoodsensewinsout.Inodreluctantly.“Getthecamerasupassoonaspossible.Coraisscared.Iwanttogetherhome.”
Yashafrownsatmywordchoice.Ido,too.It’sthesecondtimeI’veslippeduplikethat.Thiscan’tbeCora’shome.NomatterhowmuchIwantittobe.I’mtofreeherfromthehellholeshe’strappedin—butafterthat,ifIwanttokeephersafe…
Ihavetolethergo.
BeforeYashacansayanything,myphonerings.HeleansoverandchecksmyscreentoseeFrancia’sname.“Speakingofthedevil.Nottosayweweretalkingabouther.Justthatsheis,youknow,thedevil.”
“MaybeAnyaactuallytriedtopushheroffacliff.”
Yasha’seyeswiden.“Wasthatherplan?”
“IguessI’llfindout.”Ipressmyphonetomyear.“ThisisIvan.”
“Iknowwhoyouare,”Franciacroons.There’snosignofangerinhervoice.Afterlastnight,Iexpectedafreeze-out.Apparently,Franciahasotherideas.“Iwouldn’tbecallingifIdidn’t.”
“Whoisthisagain?”
Shelaughs.“Don’tteaseme,Ivan.”
“Whatdoyouwant?”
There’sabeatbeforesheanswers.“You.”
Itense.Theurgetothrowmyphonethroughthenearestwindowgrowsstronger.
“Youherewithme,”shecontinuesquicklyasherjokeyseductionattemptfallsflat.“Atlunch.”
“Iwouldn’twanttointerruptthesisterlybonding.”OrbeintheproximityofbothFranciaandasteakknife.Seemslikearecipefordisaster.
“Nofearofthat.Anyaleftafterthejewelrystore.”
Igritmyteeth.“Whyisthat?Theplanwasforthetwoofyoutohavelunch.”
“AndIchangedtheplans,”shesayscheerfully.“Iwanttogooutonthetownwithmyfiancé.Unlessyouhavesomethingmoreimportantgoingon?”
“Actually,”Ihedge,“Iambusy.”
“Toobusyforme?”sheasks,hervoicepouty.“Ifyoudon’twanttocome,IguessIcouldcheckinonhowCoraisdoing.”
HearingFranciasayhernamesendsmetomyfeet.Myhacklesrise.It’sathreat;webothknowit.She’sthreateningCorasoI’llcooperate.
Whichmeansshe’suptosomething.
“Fine,”Igritout.“Textmetheaddress.I’llbethere.”
“Thisisgoingtobesofun!”shegushes.“Seeyousoon.”
Ihangupandtakeadeepbreath.ThenIcrackopenoneeyetolookatYasha.“Justafewmoredays?”
“Two,tops,”heconfirms.“She’llbeoutofourlivessoon.”
IfIhaveanythingtosayaboutit,Franciawillbeoutofeveryone’slivessoon.Theworldwillthankme.24CORA
EverysinglepersonwholayseyesonMikhailseemstoinstantlysensethathe’sstuffedtothebrimwithshit.
Thepeoplehesmilesataswewalkdownthesidewalk.Thehostessheslidesatwenty-dollarbilltososhecangiveusatablenearthewindows.Thewaitresswhoblusheswhenhecomplimentsherperfume.
“Writedownthenameofitforme,”hetellsherwithawink.“I’dlikemyfiancéetosmellthatgood.”
Thewomanlooksatme,embarrassedthatmy“fiancé”isflirtingwithherinfrontofme.Ifonlysheknewhowmuchworseitcouldget.
Mikhail’smaskisthin.EvenbeforeIknewhowdeeptherotinhimwent,Ihadabadfeelingabouthim.Iknewrightawaythatwecouldn’tgetmarried.Itwassomesurvivalinstinctinmethatcametolifewheneverhewasaround.AradarthatwentpingwheneverIwasintheblastradiusoftheself-centeredasshole.
Assoonasthewaitresswalksaway,Mikhailleansinclose.“RememberwhatIsaidthismorning,Cordelia.Smile.”
ConsideringheburstintomyroomandstartedtotalktomebeforeIwasfullyconscious,Idon’tknowwhyheexpectsmetorememberanythinghesaid.
ThoughIdo,ofcourse.It’shardtoforgetwhensomeonethreatenstotortureyourbestfriend.
“Up.Getdressed,”he’dbarked,throwingadressontopofmycomforter.“We’regoingout.”
“Idon’tfeelwell,”Isaid.
Itwasn’tentirelyalie.AfterIhungupwithIvanlastnight,Ispenttherestofthenightcryingquietlyintomypillow.WhenIwokeupthismorning,myeyeswererawandpuffy.
Hegrimacedatme.“Yeah,youlooklikeshit.Putsomemakeupon.Theremightbepictures.”
Ishookmyhead.“Idon’tfeelwell.I’mnotgoingwith—”
Suddenly,heleanedinclose,hiswordsrippingoutinaharshwhisper.“Unlessyouwantmetogospendmynewfreetimewithyourlittlefriendinstead,you’llgetoutofthisbedanddoexactlywhatIsay.Now.”
Iknewitwasbullshit.IvanhasJorden.MikhailandAlexanderhavebeenlyingtomeaboutholdinghercaptivetocontrolme.IfIwantedto,IcouldhavetoldMikhailtofuckoffandpulledthecoversovermyhead.Icouldhavegonewithhimandthenranatthefirstopportunity.Thecontroltheyhadovermeisgonenow.I’mfree.
ExceptIpromisedIvanI’dwait.ItoldhimthatItrustedhimandI’dlethimtrythingshisway.
So,reluctantly,Idraggedmyselfoutofbed,steppedintomydressfitforagardenpartyfromapatriarchalwetdream,anddidasMikhailsaid.
Afewhourslater,I’mstilldoingashesays.
Igivehimapointedlookandsmile.“Howisthis?”
“Muchbetter,”hesaysapprovingly.“You’renothalfbadwhenyouputalittleeffortin.”
“WishIcouldsaythesame,”Imumble
Hesnapshisgazetome,annoyanceburninginhiseyes.Thenourwaitressreappearswithourdrinksandthenameofherperfumeonatinysquareofcardstock.Iignoreherandtakeasipofmyicedtea.
Ifsheactuallywantshim,shecanhavehim.
Besides,there’smorethanenoughgoingonaroundusformetofocusoninstead.Theworldisbig,buttheworldofrich,privilegedsocialitesinthiscitywhocanaffordtogoouttolunchinthemiddleofaweekdayissmall.TheroomisfilledwithpeopleIhalf-rememberfrommyoldlife.PeopleI’veseenatfundraisersandweddingswhodon’tknowadamnthingaboutmebeyondthenameofmystepfather.
Someglare,though.AtleastahandfulofwomeninthisroommusthavebeenatIvan’spartythenightheandImet.Andnow,itispainfullycleartheycan’tbelieveI’msittingherewithMikhailSokolovinstead.
MikhailplacesbothofourorderswithoutaskingmewhatIwant.Justasthewaitressleaves,acoupletakesherspot.Theguyismyagewithatrendyhaircutandapinkandgreenplaidpolotuckedintohistrousers.Butthegirlisyoung.Ridiculouslyyoung.
“Mikhail!Hey,man.How’sitgoing?”theguyasks.Hisarmisaroundhisdate’swaist,holdinghercloselikehe’sworriedshemightrunoff.
Mikhailstandsupandshakestheman’shand.“Geoff,howhaveyoubeen?”
Theyfallintoaneasyconversationaboutbusinessorworlddominationorthesizeofthesticksuptheirrespectiveassesorsomething.SoIsmileatthegirl.
“Hi.”
Shegivesmeatight-lippedsmileandanod.ThatsameinstinctualradarthatwarnedmeawayfromMikhailallthoseyearsagopingsagain.
Somethingisn’trighthere.
Ismilealittlewider,tryingtocommunicatetoherthatI’masafespace.I’mfriendly.“What’syourname?”
“Lucy.”Shefoldsherhandsinfrontofhernervouslyandnow,I’mconvincedshe’snoolderthanseventeen.
“Nicetomeetyou.I’mCor—Cordelia.”Icorrectmyselfclumsily.MikhailistoobusysnickeringwithGeofftonotice.“Areyoutwoheretogether?”
Shepursesherpalelipsandnodsonce.
“Datingor—?”
“Engaged.”Sheholdsupasmallhandwithanoversizeddiamond.Theringisgorgeous,butitlookslikecostumejewelryonherthinfinger.
“Oh,wow.Congratulations.”
ImustnotlookascheerfulasIsoundbecauseLucyfrowns.“Thanks.You,too.”
Ishakemyhead.“I’msorry.Me,too?Forwhat?”
“Yourengagement,”shesayslikeit’sthemostobviousthingintheworld.
Iguessitis.Oritwouldbe—ifMikhailandIwereactuallyengaged.Hedidn’tevenorganizeashamproposaltoaccompanyourshamengagement.Istilldon’thavearingonmyfinger.
Ichuckle.“Oh.Right.Yes.Ofcourse.”
“It’sprobablyalottokeeptrackof,”shesayssoftly.
Mybrowspinchtogether.“I’mnotsureIknowwhatyoumean.”
SheglancesoveratGeoffandMikhail.Bothofthemarebusyassumingtheyarethecenteroftheuniverse,sotheyaren’tpayinganyattention.
Lucylooksbacktomeandleansin.“It’sprobablyhardtokeeptrackofyourengagements.You’vehadsomany.”
Ipullbackandherexpressionisneutral,butIfeelthevenomfromherwords
“Oh.Idon’t—Thatwasn’t—”Ifumbleforsomethingtosay,butIdon’tknowhowtorecoverfromthis.Orhowtoexplainthelastfewweeksofmylife.Instead,Iblowoutabreath.“Howoldareyou?”
Herbrowarchessharply.“Oldenoughtoknowyou’reafuckingidiot.”
Iblinkather,stunned.SheglancesatGeoff.Whenhelooksover,shesmilespleasantly.Butthemomenthelooksaway,hergazesnapsbacktome.“NopersonintheirrightmindwouldgiveupIvanPushkin.You’rethedumbestwomanalive.”
ThereareamillionthingsIshouldsay,butallIcanmanageis,“Ididn’tgivehimup.”
Hereyesnarrowfurther.“Thenyouweren’tworthhistime.Whichmakesyouthemostpitifulwomanalive.Havefunwiththat.”
Bitch.
Itellmyselftogivehergrace.She’syoung,probablybeingmanipulatedbythisdouchebagnamedGeoff,andhasbeenbrainwashedtothinkthatheronlyworthcomesfrommarryingsomeonewithmoney.
ButIcan’tsayanyofthat.Notrightnow.NotwhenMikhailisstandingtwofeetaway.NotwhenI’msupposedtobeplayingmyroletoperfection.
Instead,Ismileatherandturntotheside.“AndyouhavefunbeingrepeatedlycheatedonbyamannamedGeofffortherestofyourlife.”
Hermouthfallsopen,butbeforeshecansayanything,IlayahandonMikhail’sarm.“Excuseme—I’mgoingtotherestroom.”
Hiseyesflare.Hedoesn’twantmeoutofsight,buthecan’tsaythatinfrontofhisacquaintances.
Histeethclenchashegrimaces.“Hurryback.Ourfoodwillbeheresoon.”
Islipawayandmovetowardsthebackoftherestaurant.IfeeleyesonmeasIwalk,butIdon’tstopandtalktoanyone.Mikhail’sgoalinbringingmeherewasforthetwoofustobeseen.Andwe’vebeenseen.Goalaccomplished.Now,Ineedfiveminutesinaquietroomtodecompress.
Thewomen’sbathroomisarightturnandalonghallwayawayfromthediningarea.Justturningthecornertakessomeoftheweightoff.Isagintomybones,droppingthefacadeI’vebeenclingingtofordearlifeallmorning.
WhenIstepintotherestroomandboltthedoorbehindme,Ireleaseasoul-deepsigh.
WhateverplanIvanisworkingon,hebettermakeithappenfast.Idon’tknowhowmuchmoreofthisIcantake.
Thefakesmiles.Thefakepeople.Themetaphoricalknifetwistinginmyribs.
Mikhailiscontentjusttotrotmeoutlikeashowpony—fornow.Butitwon’tbelongbeforehetriestocornermeagain.Beforehewantsway,waymorethanI’mwillingtogive.
Iwon’tbeabletofakeasmilethroughthat
No,ifMikhailtriestotouchmeagain…I’llkillhimbeforeIgivemyselfover.
Fornow,though,Idon’thavetokillanyone.Rightnow,thegoalistogetthroughlunchwithoutwantingtokillmyself
IshakeoffthedarkthoughtandturntoatleastwashmyhandsbeforeIwalkbackintothearena.ButjustasIreachforthewater,there’saknockonthebathroomdoor.
“Justasecond,”Isaysweetly.
Whoeveritisknocksagain.Threetimes.Hard.
Iclearmythroatandspeaklouder.“Someoneisinhere.Justasecond.”
Again,threemoreknocks.
Myheartratespikes.Iturntofacethedoorinmutehorror.Idon’tsayanything.Ijuststareatthewoodandthelaminatedsignremindingemployeestowashtheirhands.
Anotherknock.
Suddenly,I’mcertainIknowwhoitis
GeoffandLucymust’vewalkedaway,andnow,Mikhailhascometofindme.He’soutsidethedoor,andthemomentIopenit,he’sgoingtopushmebackinsideandpunishmeforwalkingawayfromhim.
IjustsworetomyselfI’dkillhimifhetouchedme,butIdon’tevenhavemypursewithme.UnlessIcanfigureouthowtoturnarollofpapertowelsintoaweapon,I’munarmedandbackedintoacorner.
Mybreathingiscomingfastandheavy.Ifeelpanictakinghold.
WhatdoIdo?HowdoIgetoutofhere?
Thentheknobturns.25CORA
Ihearmyname.Myname.SpokenbyavoiceI’llhavetodietoforget.Andmaybenoteventhen.
“Cora.”
Withoutanotherthought,Iunboltthedoorandthrowitopen.
Ivanpushesthroughthedoorandlocksitbehindhiminaninstant.HedoesexactlywhatIworriedMikhailwoulddo,butinsteadofpanicking,Ithrowmyselfathim.
IplastermybodytoIvan’sineveryconceivableway,tryingtotouchasmuchofhimasIcan.ThemoreofhimItouch,thelesslikelyitisthatthisissomekindofvividdaydream.
Ifeverypartofmetoucheseverypartofhim,thenthishastobereal.
“Ivan,”Ibreathe.
Helpme,iswhatI’mreallysaying.Saveme.
Hishandssmoothacrossmyshouldersanddownmyspine.MyfaceispressedintohischestasItakedeepbreathsofhim.We’reinapublicrestroom,buthesmellslikefreshair.Likenighttimeandsandalwood.
Isqueezemyeyesclosedjustincasethisactuallyisadream.Ifitis,Ineverwanttowakeup.
“Cora.”Hecurlsahandaroundthebackofmyheadandrunshisfingersthroughmyhair.
“Howareyouhere?”
“IwasonmywaytomeetFranciaforlunch.Isawyouwalkpastthebackdoor.”Hechucklestohimselfindisbelief.“Ithoughtitwasadream.”
Cautiously,Icrackoneeyeopenandpeekupathim.
Hiseyesarebright,cloudless.He’sstaringdownatmelikehecan’tbelieveI’minhisarms.Forsomereason,thatisenoughtoconvincemethisisreal.BecauseIwouldneverinmywildestdreamsimagineIvancouldlookquitethisstunned.
He’shere.
IvanPushkinisstandinginfrontofme,aliveandreal.
Theenormityofitslamsintomeand,beforeIcanstopmyself,Ihookmyhandsaroundhisneckandkisshim.
HismouthfitsagainstminethewayIknewitwould.Thenhistongueswipesacrossmylowerlipandthereissuddenlynothingatallcomfortableaboutthegnawingacheinmystomach.Oneflickofhistongueandmybodyisonfire.
“Imissedyou,”Igaspagainsthismouth.“Iwantyou.”
Iarchagainsthim.Ifeelhowmuchhewantsmepressedagainstmystomach.Islipmyhandbetweenus,strokinghimroughly.
“Fuck.”Hepresseshisstubbledcheekagainstmine.Hisbreathingisheavyinmyear.
Iamcatalogingeverydetailofthis.Ofhim.ThemilliontinythingsIdidn’tknowifI’deverexperienceagain.
Itallfeelssoprecious.ButIcanfeelitslippingthroughmyfingers.TimeisshortandIdon’twanttowasteasecondofit.
Istrokehimagain,drawingadeepgroanfromhischest.ThenImovetounbuttonhispants.
ButIvangrabsmywrist.“Wecan’t.Fuck,Iwantto,but—”Hisforeheaddropstomine.Ilookintohiseyes,buttheamberisgone,devouredbydarkdesire.“WhenI’minsideyouagain,Cora,I’mgoingtotakemytime.It’ssomethingthatcan’tbedoneinafewminutes.Ineedhours.DaysAwholefuckinglifetime.”
Mywholebodywarms.Itrailmyhandoverhischestandcuphischeek.“Youcan’ttalktomelikethatandexpectmetowait.”
Hehuffsoutasoftlaugh.“Whosaidanythingaboutwaiting?”
I’mabouttoaskwhathemeanswhenhespinsmearoundandpressesmetothetilewall.Slowly,soslowly,hekisseshiswaydownmybodyanddropstohisknees.
Adarktendrilofhairfallsoverhisforeheadashelooksupatme.
I’mabsolutelypositivethereisnosightmorebeautifulinalltheworldthanthismountainofamanonhisknees.
ThenhepushesmydressuparoundmywaistandIcan’tsavoranything.Idon’thavethebrainspaceforit.AllIcanfocusonistheheatofhisbreathagainstmydamppanties.Thescrapeofhisbeardagainstmyinnerthigh.
HehooksmylegoverhisshoulderandImeltbackagainstthewall.I’mbalancedbetweenhimandthetile,whichisgood,becauseIdon’tthinkIcanstandonmyown.
ThenheshovesmypantiestothesideandImoan.
Suddenly,IrealizethatthereisnowayI’llbeabletogetthroughthiswithoutscreaming.Thereisnowaywecandothiswithoutmealertingeveryhumanwithinaten-mileradiusthatIvaniseatingmeoutlikehislifedependsonit.
“Wait!”Itugonhishair,tryingandfailingtopullhimawayfromtheachebetweenmythighs.“Wait.Ican’t—I’llscream,Ivan.Ican’t—”
Hereachesupandpressesapalmflatovermylips.“Saveyourscreams,solnishka.Savethemforwhentheycount.”
Ikissthetipofhisfingerjustashekissesmyclit.Heflickshistongueagainstmeandthendelvesdeeper.Hetastesmeinlongstrokes,lappingfromtoptobottomandbottomtotopandkissingeverypointalongtheway.
Iwritheunderhistouch.“Ivan,”Igasp,rakingmyfingersthroughhissilkysofthair.
Hestrokeshishandsupanddownmythighs.Hereachesundermydressandgripsmywaist.Onehandcurlsoverthelaceofmybra,kneadingmybreast.
He’severywhereallatonce.AllIcandoispressbackagainstthewallandtakeit.
“Youtastesofuckingsweet,”hegrowls.Ifeelthevibrationatmycore.Goosebumpssproutacrossmyskin.
“Ineedyou,”Iwhimper,clutchingmylegaroundhisnecktodrawhimcloser.“Ineedyouinsideofme.Ineedtofeelyou.Ineed—”
Ivanslidesafingerinsideofme.Itisn’twhatImeant,butIgaspanyway.Myhipsjerk,takinginevenmoreofhim.
“Likethat,”hesays.“Rideit,Cora.”
Igrindmyselfagainsthishand,slowingslightlyasheaddsanotherfingerandthenathird.
Hepumpshishandintomeandflickshistongueacrossmyclit.Hisotherhandisstillkneadingmybreast,workingmefromeveryangle.
Idon’twantittoend.
Thelastfewdayshavebeenanightmare.Iwasbeginningtoworrythattherestofmylifewouldbestumblingthroughthedarkness,desperatetofindthelight.
Buthereitis.Thelight.
“I’msoc-close.”Itugonhishairandarchagainsthismouth.“I’mso…Rightthere…Pleasedon’t…”
Ivanhookshisfingersinsideofme,settingoffnerveendingsIforgotexisted,andboom,Iexplode.
Pleasureoverflowsfrommeinmindblowingpulsesthattakemybreathaway.There’snolungcapacityleftformetoscream.IttakeseverybitIhavejusttokeepbreathing.
Isqueezemyeyesclosedastheworldspinsoutofcontrol.
Gently,heworksmedownfromtheclimax.Hisfingersslowandhistongueeasesmedown.Finally,heworksmylegoffofhisshoulderandlowersmydress.AllIcandoiscollapseintohisarms,apuddleofCoraleftbehindwhereprimandproperCordeliawasjustafewminutesago.
“Whataboutyou?”Iwhisperintohischest.
“Ifyouthinkthatwasn’tforme,thenyou’refuckinginsane.”Hegripsmychinandkissesme.HislipsareslickwithmeandIpressintothekissharder.
Histongueslidesintomymouth.Istarttolosemyselfinhim.Butnow,thefrenzieddesirehaspassedandmymindhasalittlemoreroomtothinkclearly.
Ipullback,pressingahandtohischest.“Don’truinmymakeup.Ihaveto—Ihavetogobackoutthere.”
“Leaveit,”heorders.“Letmetakeitoff.Letmetakeeverythingoff.”
“Mikhailishere,”Iprotest.“He’srightoutthereinthediningroom.Ifheseesmelikethis,hecould…Idon’tknowwhathe’ddo.”
Hegrowls.“Nothing.Ifhetouchesyou,I’llkillhim.”
“Funny.Ijustthoughtthesamethingbeforeyougothere.”Ipressmycheektohischestandlistentotheconsistentthuddingofhisheart.“Iwanttostayherewithyou.Buthe’soutthere.Waiting.”
Ivanstrokesmyhair.“Franciaisprobablyherebynow,too.”
Thatmeansweshouldleave.Therationalpartofmybrainisshoutingatme.Youshouldgobeforeyourunoutoftime.
IfMikhailcomeslookingforme,thereisnowheretohideIvan.Heshouldgetoutofherewhilehestillcan.
“Oh,”Isay,anideatakingroot.Ican’tbelieveIdidn’tthinkofitsooner.“Youshould…OhmyGod,takemewithyou!Rightnow.Ivan,”Igasp,grabbinghishands,“let’sgetoutofhere.Wecanleaveand—”
“IftherewasanychanceIcouldgetyououtofheretoday,Iwouldn’thavetouchedyou.”Hegripsmyhipsinfrustration.“Iwouldhavewaiteduntilwewerebackatmyhouse.Inmybed.”
Myskinheatsagain.It’sgoodtoknowhewasthinkingclearly,atleast.AssoonasIsawhim,Ihadtotouchhim.Iforgotabouteverythingandeveryoneelse.
“Whyistherenochance?”
“IhavenoideahowmanyguardsMikhailhaswithhimandI’mbymyself.”
Myhopesdeflate.“ThereareatleastfiveSokolovguardswithustoday.Maybemore.”
“Icouldcallinateam,butthere’ssomuchwewouldn’tknow.I’mnotgoingtoescapewithyouintoasituationIhaven’tscouted.I’mnotgoingtoriskyourlifelikethat.NotwhenIhaveabetterplantakingshape.”
Ifallagainsthim,myforeheadpressedtohischest.“Iwantthistobeover,Ivan.Idon’tknowhowmuchlongerIcandothis.”
Hetakesadeepbreathandthenpullsmeaway.Heleansdownandlooksintomyeyes,hismouthaseriousslash.“YouareCorafuckingSt.Clair.”
“Thatdoesn’tmeananything.”
“Itmeanseverything.Everything,Cora.”Hesqueezesmyshoulders.“Youaregoingtocleanyourselfupandwalkbackintherelikenothinghappened.”
Ishakemyhead.“I’mnotlikeyou.Thisisn’tmyworld.Idon’tknowhowtodoanyofthis.”
“Youare.Itis.Andyoudo.”Hepressesakisstomyforehead,hislipslingeringtherebeforehefinallypullsaway.“Ihavetogo.ButI’mgoingtoseeyousoon.”
Instinctively,Idigmyfingersintohisarm.Gently,hepriesmyhandsawayandwrapshisfingersaroundmineforonebriefsqueeze.
Thenhe’sgone.
AndI’mallbymyselfagain.26CORA
IttakesafullthirtysecondsafterIvanhasleftthebathroomformetofeelthesmalllumpheleftinmypalm.
Iopenmyhandandfindanecklace.It’sacircularlocketwithintricatedesignsworkedintothegold.Itlookslikethepetalsofapeony.ItlooksliketheengagementringIvangaveme.
Iglancedownatmylefthand.ForasmuchasIhatedthegaudyringatfirst,Imissitnowthatit’sgone.IhopeFranciaisn’twearingit.Ifsheis,I’llmakesureshechokesonitbeforeshedies.
Iflickthetinylatchonthelocketanditspringsopen.Atinystripofpaperfallsout.Iunfurlitwithtremblingfingers.
WearthisandIwillalwaysfindyou.
Tearsburnthebacksofmyeyes.IpressthelocketagainstmychestandtrytogatheruptheselastfewminutesIhadwithIvan.IwanttoholdthemcloseandusethemtohelpmemakeitthroughthenexthowevermanydaysIhaveleftinthisprison.
ThenIhearIvan’svoiceinmyhead.
YouareCorafuckingSt.Clair.
HehasaplanandIamstrongerthanIthink.SoItakeadeepbreathandgettowork.
Iflushthestripofpaperdownthetoiletanddropthelocketintomypocket.Ican’twalkoutwearingapieceofjewelryIdidn’thavegoingin.I’llfigureouthowtomakesureitcanhangproudlyaroundmynecksoon.
Untilthen,Ivantoldmetocleanmyselfup.Iturntothemirrorand—holyhell.Mylipstickissmudgedaroundmyswollenmouth,myeyelinerhasgonesmokey,andmyhairisfallingoutoftheloosebunIhadittwistedinto.
AsquicklyasIcan,Icleanuptheblurrededgesofmymakeupandredomyhair.It’snotperfect,butMikhailhasbeensobusyshowingmeoffthathehasn’treallybotheredtolookatme.
ButassoonasIstepintotherestaurant’sdiningroom,Mikhailiswaitingbythehallway.Hegrabsmyarmandpullsmetowardsthebackpatio.
“We’releaving,”hehisses.
IfeellikeI’msuddenlystandingunderablacklight,signsofIvanblazingacrosseveryinchofmyskin.He’sgoingtosmellIvanonme.
He’llseewhatI’vebeendoing.Heknows.
Itakeadeepbreathanddomybesttolookconfused.“What?Wehaven’teveneatenyet.”
Hespinsaroundsohe’sinfrontofme.Hispalefacelooksyellowinthedirectsunlight.“Wherewereyou?”
Isnap,“Iwasinthebathroom.CanInotevengotothebathroombymyselfnow?”
Hishandtightensaroundmywrist,buthiseyesshiftovermyshouldertowardsthediningroom.Peoplearewatchingus.Heloosenshisgripandsmiles.
“Wherethefuckwereyou,Cordelia?”
“Ijusttoldyou:Iwasinthebathroom,Mikhail.”
IsIvansomewherebehindme?Canheseemerightnow?Theurgetoturnaroundandfindhimisstrong,butIshoveitdown.
Instead,IpatMikhail’sforearmasgentlyasIcanbearto.“Didsomethinghappen?Iseverythingokay?”
Hefrownsatmygentletouch.Thenhefollowsthelineofmyarmup,up,up.Forthefirsttimeallday,helooksatme.Reallylooksatme.
Thenhegrabsmyhandandpullsmeoutoftherestaurant.
Istruggletokeepupwithhislongstrides.“I’minheels,”Iremindhim.“Canweslowdown?Wherearewe—”
Weduckbehindatallhedgeandheturnsonme.“Didyouknowhewouldbehere?”
WarningbellsblaresoloudIcanbarelyhearhim.Canbarelythink.“Who?”
Histoplipsneers.“Ivan.”
Iknewthat’swhathewasgoingtosay,butmystomachstillbottomsout.IhopeitaddsanairofauthenticitytotheshockIsmearacrossmyface.“What?Hewas—Hewashere?Today?”
Hispaleeyesnarrow.“Yes.HeandFranciashoweduptogethermomentsbeforeyouwalkedoutofthebathroom.”
“ThenhowwouldIknowhewasthere?”
Hestareshardatmeforalongtime.Iholdmybreathuntil,finally,Mikhailturnsaway,thoughhekeepsahandonmyarm.Heleadsmetothewaitingcarandherdsmeintothebackseat.
IfeelthedistancegrowingbetweenIvanandme.Ithurts,likeachainsetintomyribcagewithfishhooks.
Iignoretheache.AtleastMikhailisn’tinterrogatingmeanymore.
Butthemomenthecloseshisdoor,he’sonmeagain.HisfingersareclenchedaroundmyforearmwithbruisingforceandIcan’ttwistaway.
“Ow!You’rehurtingme.”
“You’llsufferworsethanthis,”hecroaks,“ifyoueversomuchasbreathethesameairasIvanPushkinagain.”
“You’retheonewhomademecomehereforlunch!Iwouldhavestayedhomeifyouhadn’tmademego.”
Hescowls,butthere’snodenyingthat’sexactlyhowitwentthismorning.
“Ifyou’resoworriedabouteveryoneknowingIbelongtoyou,whydon’tyoujustgetmeadogcollar?”Iaddsarcastically.“YoucouldputyournameandaddressonthetagincaseIgetlost.”
“Aleashmightnotbesuchabadidea.Disobedienceshouldbepunished.”
Mystomachturns.ThewayhetalksaboutmelikeI’mbarelyhumanisterrifying.
ButIcanusethis.
“Idon’tknowifI’devenmindaleash,”Imumble.“ThenmaybewomenlikeLucywouldn’tgivemesomuchshit.”
Hisangerguttersout.“WhatdidLucysay?”
ThatI’manidiotforgivingupIvan.
Shewasn’twrong,butIcan’tsaythat.Thatwon’thelpmyargumentatall.
“ShenoticedIdidn’thavearingonandwonderedhowseriouswereallywere.”Isigh.“That’swhyIwenttothebathroom.Ididn’twanttotalktoheranymore.”
IwatchasthewordslandexactlyhowIplannedthem.
Mikhailtwistshislipsinthought.“There’saring,butit’sgoingtotaketimetohaveitfinishedandresized.”
“Ifyoureallywanttoconvincepeoplewearetogether,getmeanotherpieceofjewelryinthemeantime.Abraceletor…”Ipretendtowaver,thinking.“Anecklacecouldwork.It’snotsofarofffromacollar.”
Ilookoutthewindow,feigningboredom.Pretendinglikemyheartisn’tabouttohurlitselfoutofmychest.
“Iwasundertheimpressionyoudidn’twantpeopletothinkwewerereallytogether.You’restillwaitingforIvanPushkintocomesaveyoufrommyevilclutches,aren’tyou?”hedrawls.
It’satrap.He’ssotwisted,hemightactuallylikeifIfallintoit.Thatwayhe’dhaveanexcusetopunishme.Notthatheneedsone.
Isnort.“I’vegivenuponmen—allmen.MyrelationshipwithIvanwasneverreal.MaybeIdeludedmyselfintothinkingitwasreal,but…”Ishrug.“He’swithFranciaandheisn’tcomingforme.”
Mikhail’shandloosensonmyarm.“Ifyou’vegivenuponmen,whydoyouwantpeopletothinkyou’rewithme?”
Ilookupintohispaleeyes.We’recloserthanIthought.Icanseetheblueveinsrunningunderhisskin.Thedesperationburninginthem.
“Imaynothavechosentobehere,butifIhaveto,Idon’twanttobeatthecenteroftherumormill.Iwanttobeleftalone.Ifsellingyourversionofthestorydoesthat,thensobeit.”
It’sablendofmytruthandtherealityMikhailwants.Acompromiseofsorts.Ijusthopehetakesit.
Heletsoutaslowbreath,hiseyesrovingovermyface.Then,withoutlookingaway,hebarksatthedriver,“Stopatajewelrystoreonthewayback.Anystore.Idon’tcarewhich.”
IfightbackasmileasthewordsfromIvan’snoteflickerinmymind.WearthisandIwillalwaysfindyou.
IhopetoGodhemeantit.27IVAN
We’rebackatthemansionandthingsaregoingpoorly.
Franciaslamsherhandsonthediningroomtablehardenoughthattheemptyglassnexttohersettingcrashessideways.Oneofthenewmaidsjoltstogetit,butFranciascaresherawaywithaskin-meltingglare.
“Leavetheglass.Justbringoutthefood.Now.”
“There’sanappetizerfirst,”themaidsaysshakily.“Ahousesaladand—”
“It’sthemiddleofthefuckingafternoonandwestillhaven’teaten.Idon’twantasalad—Iwantlunch.Bringit.”
Themaid’smouthopensandcloses.Sheglancesatmeforhelp.
Thestaffjustfoundouttwentyminutesagothatlunchattherestaurantwascanceledandtheyneededtohaveafulllunchreadyforusbythetimewegotbackhome.Franciadoesn’tseemtograspthatroastduckisn’tthekindofthingyouthrowinthemicrowaveonshortnotice.
“Skipafewcoursesandlet’sgettotheentreeasquicklyasyoucan,”Itellher.“Let’sgetthisshowontheroad.”
ThewomannodsandhurriesoutofthediningroomwithFranciacallingafterher,“Now,youlisten?That’swhatIsaid!”
“Ithinkit’smoreaboutthewayyousaidit.”
Herattentionslidestome.“HowdidIsayit?”
“Likearabiddog,”Isayflatly.“Maybeweshouldn’tgooutifit’sgoingtoupsetyousomuch.”
Shefrowns.“I’mnotupsetaboutgoingout.I’mupsetthatwecouldn’tgoout.”
“Istilldon’tseewhynot.”
Hereyeswiden.“Youdon’tseewhynot?Isupposethatmakessense.Youapparently‘didn’tsee’Coratoday,either.LikeIbelievethat.”
“Ididn’tseeCora,”Ireiterate.“EvenifIhad,Iwouldn’thavemadeahugescenethewayyoudid.”
“Ididn’tmakeascene.”
Isnort.“Youscreamedatthehostessandstormedoutoftherestaurant.”
AfterIleftCorainthebathroom,IsnuckoutthroughthebackpatiodoorandwalkedaroundtothefrontoftherestauranttomeetFrancia.Shewasallsmiles,clingingtomyarmandgrinningateveryoneonthestreetlikeshewasinafuckingpageant.
Thenwewalkedinside.
Mikhailsprangoutofhischairthemomenthesawmeinthewaitingarea.Icaughthistrailacrossthediningroomoutofthecornerofmyeye.ButbasedonthewayFrancia’sfacetightened,Iknowshesawallofit.
Webarelymadeitthroughthedoorsbeforeshewasstompingbackoutontothesidewalk,lookingahellofalotlesspleasedthanshehadwhenshe’dgonein.
Thatwasallfinewithme.I’dalreadygottenexactlywhatIwantedfromourlunchdate.MorethanIevercouldhavebargainedfor,actually.
“Ididn’twanttositaroundwhilepeoplewhisperaboutyouandyourex,”shehisses.“Ourfirstoutingtogethercan’tbeadoublefuckingdate.”
“Itwouldputtobedalotofrumorsswirlingaroundrightnow.”
Sheunfoldshernapkinwithaquickflickofherwrists.“PuttinganythingtobediswhatI’mworriedabout.”
ThememoryofCorawrappedaroundmyneck,herpussyquiveringagainstmylips,roarstolifeinme.It’sthefightofmylifetokeepfromgrinninglikealunatic.
FranciaisstillstaringatmewhenIhearthefrontdooropen.
“Whoisthat?”sheasks.
Idon’tsayanythingbecauseIalreadyknow.Thereareonlytwopeoplewhobargeintomyhousewithanyregularity—andYashadoesn’tusuallywearhighheelsthatclickacrosstheentryway.
Franciastartstostandjustasmysisterappearsinthedoorway.WhensheseeswhoI’msittingwith,hersmilecurdles.
“Greattiming,Anya.”Iwaveherin.“Joinus.Sitdown.”
“I’dhatetointerrupt.Anyway,Iwasactuallyjustdroppingbyfor—There’sadressupstairsintheguestroom.Iwantedtowearit.”
“It’sgreatthatyou’rehere!”Franciacrows.“Iwantedtotalkmoreabouttheweddingplanning.”
Anyaisstillcreepingaroundtheedgeofthediningroom.Asifshemightbeabletoslipbackintotheshadowsandescape.“Isentyouanemail.Didyougetmyemail?”
Franciafrowns.“No.”
“Oh.MaybeIforgottosendit.”Shechucklesatherself.“Iamsoscattered.Verybusyrecently.IshouldleaveandcheckandthenI’llsenditand—”
“Orwecantalkaboutitnow.”Franciapullsoutthechairbetweenus.“Sit.”
Sensingshe’slostthisbattle,Anyareluctantlysitsdown.Underthetable,shekicksmyankle.Ijustsmilebackatherovermyicewater.
“LikeItoldyoutheotherday,Francia,I’mnotreallygreatatthewholeweddingplanningthing.Idon’thavetheheadforallofthedetailsandthecolorschemes.”
“Youplannedyourownwedding,didn’tyou?”Franciaasks.“Isawanarticleaboutitinthepaper.Itlookedbeautiful.”
“Yearsago.”Shewavesahanddismissively.“Whichfeelsmorelikealifetimeago.Anditwaskindofoutofnecessity.”
“Yeah,becauseyoufiredtheweddingplanneryouoriginallyhired,”Iadded.“Youtoldmeshecouldn’tcapture‘yourvision,’soyou’dhavetodoityourself.”
Ifeelanotherhard,sharpkickunderthetable.Myanklewillbebruised,buthavingAnyahereasabufferbetweenmeandFranciaisworthit.
Franciaarchesabrow.“Itsoundslikeyoureallyknowwhatyou’redoing.AndIknowyouaretheonewhoorganizedCora’sbacheloretteparty.Andyouarrangedforhertotryonweddingdresseshereatthehouse.”
“MostofthatwasIvan’sdoing.”Anyaturnstome.“Right,Ivan?Youarrangedmostofthat.”
Iclapmysisterontheback.“Don’tbemodest,Anya.Thatwasallyou.”
“Great.Thenyoucanhelpme,too.”Franciareallyisshameless.MostpeoplewouldpickupontheveryobvioushintsAnyaisdropping,buteitherFranciaiscluelessorshe’sindeep,deepdenial.“I’mimaginingagardenpartyforthebachelorette.AndI’dlikeIvantobetherewithme.”
“NotmuchofabachelorettepartyifI’mthere.”
“Thendon’tcallitabacheloretteparty.”Shereachesoverandlaysherhandontopofmine,herfingertracingmyknuckles.It’sliketryingtoholdperfectlystillasatarantulacrawlsacrossyourskin.“Callitacelebrationoflove.”
Anyasnortssohardshealmostchokes.
Franciasnapsherattentiontoher.“What’ssofunny?”
“I’msorry,but…love?”Anyalaughsagainandlooksbetweenus.“Youtwoaren’tinlove.You’rejust…you’renot.Youhavetoknowthat,Francia.”
“TheonlythingIknow,”shespits,“isthatI’mnotgoingtosithereandbedisrespectedinmyownhouse.”
Anya’smouthfallsopen.“Thisisn’tyourhouse!Whatthehelliswrongwithyou?”
“Out.”Franciastandsup,fingerpointedtowardsthedoor.“Ifyoucan’trespectme,then—”
“Ifthatisyourbarforwhoisallowedinyourhouse,it’sgoingtobealong,lonelylife.”
Franciaexhalessharply.Shemakesmethinkofabullbeforeitcharges.“Getoutrightnow.”
“Areyoutryingtothrowmeout?Youcan’tthrowmeout.Thisismybrother’shouse.”
Francialiftsherchin.“Thisisourhouseandyou’renotwelcomehere.”
Anyastaresatherforafewseconds,asmileslowlyspreadingacrossherface.Thensheshakesherhead.“You’reactuallyderanged.Full-onunhinged.Like,haveyouconsideredseeingaspecialist?Bookscouldbewrittenabouthowabsolutely,banana-pantscrazyyouare.”
Franciatakesasteptowardsmysister,hereyesnarrowedtoslitslikethesnakesheis.“GetoutofmyhousebeforeI—”
I’monmyfeetandstandingbetweenherandAnyabeforeshecanevengetthewordsout.
“It’smyhouse.Ichoosewhostaysandwhogoes.”
Shestumblesbackandglaresupatme.“You’lllethertalktoyourwifelikethat?”
“Youaren’tmywife.”
“Yet,”sheaddswithasneer.
Ever,Ithinkwithascowl.
Instead,Ijustshakemyhead,tootiredtoevenfightaboutthis.“Anyastaysaslongasshelikes.”
Anyacacklesandthenflopsbackdowninherchairandkicksherfeetuponthetable.“Amazing.Suddenly,I’moverjoyedtobehere.MaybeI’llstayfordinner,too.”
Franciastartstoargue,butIpushpasthertowardsthebalcony.
“Whereareyougoing?”shehissesatmyback.
Idon’tanswer.Ijustwalkontothepatio,lettingthedoorsclosebehindme
Silence.Blissfulsilence.Thesunissinkinglowerinthesky.It’swellpastlunchanddippingintomid-afternoonnow.There’sabreezerustlingtheplantsinthegardenbedsandwhirlingundertheoverhang.
ButIdon’tfeelit.
Idon’tfeelanything.
Numbnesshasbeenseepingintomebitbybit,piecebypiece,fordays.EverysecondCoraisawayfromme,itspreadsfurther.
IsthiswhatIfeltlikebeforeImether?
Now,I’mbackhere—backwithFrancia—andIcan’tevenbringmyselftocarethatsheandAnyaareyellingateachotherintheotherroom.Idon’tcarethatshethinksshelivesinmyhouse.Shecanhavethehouse.I’llgiveitalltoher.
IjustneedCora.
Ihadherinmyarmsonlyafewhoursago.Iheldherandtastedher.Now,it’shardtoconvincemyselfanyofitwasreal.It’shardtoconvincemyselfthatI’llevergetherback.
Iclosemyeyesandblowoutalong,deepbreath.
Fuckthat.
Istareoutatthelawnuntilthetightnessinmychesteases.Idon’tknowhowlongittakes,butbythetimeI’mdone,theshoutinginsidehasstopped.EitherFranciaandAnyahavesolvedalloftheirproblemsoroneofthemisdead.Ishouldprobablygoseewhichitis.
Iheadbackintothediningroom,expectingtheretobebloodshed.Instead,FranciaandAnyaaresittingperfectlypolitelyatthetable.Ittakesmeasecondtoseewhy.
Myfatherisstandinginthedoorway.
“Thisisbecomingarealfamilyaffair,”Isaywithagrimace.“Willyoubejoiningusforlunch,too?Ordoyou—”
Hecutsmeoff.“Ishouldhavefigured.You’veturnedusintoalaughingstock,butyou’rehavingbrunch.Typical.”Hethrowsacrumpled-uppieceofparchmentatme.“KonstantinSokolovjustsentmehisson’sengagementannouncement.”
Iknewitwouldbecomingoutsoonerorlater.Afterouralmost-run-inthisafternoon,I’mnotsurprised.Mikhailwasshakenandwantstostakehisclaim.
Ifhe’dseenwhatCoraandIgotuptointhebathroom,hewouldn’thavebothered.
She’smine.
Otetsturnsbacktome.“Youputthatlittlebitchonmypayroll.Youtiedhertoourfamilyname.Andthenyoulethergo?Youfuckingletherhumiliateus.Youlethermakeanembarrassmentofyou.”
Franciastandsup.“Hello,Mr.Pushkin.MynameisFrancia.I’mIvan’sfiancée.”
Anysanepersonwouldseetheveinthrobbinginmyfather’sforeheadandstanddown.Butit’salreadywell-documentedthatFranciaisnotasaneperson.
Myfatherlooksherupanddown.Hisliptwistsintoasneer.“Anotherone?”
Franciafrowns.“I’msorry.Anotherwhat?”
Heignoresher.“Ivan,areyoufuckingkiddingme?Thisisn’tabrothel.Youdon’tgetaharem.Pickonewomanandbedonewithit.”
Hewantstogetariseoutofme,buthehasnocluethefavorheisdoingme.I’dlovenothingmorethanforFranciatobekickeddownapeg.He’ssavingmetheeffortofdoingitmyself.
“I’msorrywehaven’tbeenabletomeetyet,”Franciacontinuesobliviously,“butI’mexcitedtojoinyourfamily.Ihopethatwecangettoknoweachotherandyou’llsee—”
“Don’ttellmewhatI’llsee,”hebarks.“IknowwhatIsee.Anotheruselessleech.”
“Myparentsarelawyers.”Francia’svoiceisshaking,makingherargumentsoundevenweaker.“I’mnot—Icanbringvalueto—”
“Ifyouwanttobringsomething,bringmeadrink,”hebarks.“Themenaretalking.”
AnyaistryingsohardnottolaughI’mworriedshemightgiveherselfahernia.Ihavetoadmit,thisisthefirsttimeI’veeverbeengladtohavemydadturnupunexpectedly.
Francialooksdistinctlylesshappyaboutit.
Shesnapshermouthclosed,butIcantellbythesetofherjawthatshe’llhaveplentytosayaboutthislater.28CORA
Istandinfrontofthefull-lengthmirrorinmybedroomandtrymyhardesttorecognizethewomanstaringbackatme
ThedressAlexanderchoseformetoweartonightisaruffledeyesore.Ilooklikeapastelpi?ata.It’sreallyfitting,actually.Theydon’tphysicallyhurtme,butI’mtakinganemotionalbeatingfromeveryside.
Ireachupandgrabthegoldlocketaroundmyneck.Isqueezethemetaluntilit’swarminmypalm.Ican’ttellwhereIstopanditbegins.
Mikhailwilllookatitandthinkit’stheoneheboughtme.IwaspleasantlysurprisedathowcloseofadupeIwasabletofindattherandomjewelrystorewestoppedoffatafterleavingtherestaurant.
ButthemomentIgottomyroom,IhidMikhail’slocketbehindtheloosepieceoftriminmyclosetandswappeditwithIvan’s.
WearthisandIwillalwaysfindyou.
God,Ihopehe’sright.
Istillhavemyhandwrappedaroundthenecklacewhenmydoorexplodesopen.“Areyouready?”mystepfatherbarks.
Islowlydropthenecklaceandlowermyhand.ThelastthingIwantistolookguiltierthanIalreadyfeel.
It’shardbecauseAlexanderhasbeenespeciallykeyed-uptoday.Heisn’teverpleasant,buthe’sbeenonthewarpathallafternoon.
“Isanyoneevertrulyreadytomeettheirin-laws?”Idrawl.
Hejabsafingeratme.“Noneofthatsmartmouthatdinner.Yousmile.Younod.Youlookpretty.”
“Hardtodointhisdress.”
Hiseyesnarrow.“Ifyoucan’thandle—”
“Justgettingitalloutofmysystem.”Ilowermyselfintoadeepcurtsy.“I’llbeonmybestbehavior,Master.”
Hesneersandopenshismouthtosaymore.Butbeforehecanunleashhisnervesonme,mymothermovesbehindhimandplacesahandonhisshoulder.
“Sheknowswhattodo,Alex.Itwillallbeokay.”
Heshrugsherhandaway.“Irememberasimilarsentimentthenightbeforesheranaway.Maybeyoudon’tknowyourdaughteraswellasyouthinkyoudo.”
Alexandertossesonefinalglareinmydirectionbeforehestormsintothehallwaytosnarlatthetemporarystaffhe’shiredfortheevening.He’sbroughtinatleasttennewhirestofilloutthedecor.GodforbidKonstantinSokolovseethatthishouserunswithonlytwopermanentindenturedservants.
“Youreallyshouldtrytocooperate,Cordelia,”mymothersayssoftly.
Ialmostforgotshewasstandinginthedoorway.I’vegottengoodattuningherout.Survivalinstincthasmedividingeveryoneintofriendsorfoes.Whoisheretohurtmeandwhoisheretohelpme?Mymotherisdoingneither,soasfarasI’mconcerned,shemightaswellnotexist.
“I’minthedress.I’mgoingtodinner.Idon’tknowwhatmorehewantsfromme.”
Shesighs.“He’sstressed.Ifyoucouldnottalkback,thenitwouldmakethingseasier.”
“Easierformeorforyou?”
Acreaseformsbetweenherbrows.ShelooksolderthanIremember.Likeshe’sagedtenyearsinthelastthree.“Whycan’titbeboth?”
“They’rehere!”Alexanderroarsupthestairsatus.“Getdownhere.Now!”
Shehalf-turnstowardsthecommand,butthenstopsandlooksbackatme,waiting.
Idon’tletAlexander’sorderrushme.Iconsiderherquestionseriously.“Maybeitusedtobepossible.Atonepoint,youandIcouldbothbenefitfromthesameoutcome.Butnow…Ican’twinifmyenemysucceeds.Andyou’rewiththeenemy.”
SheblinkslikeIphysicallyhither.Hermouthfallsopen.Beforeshecangatherthewordsforwhateverliesheisabouttotell,Ibrushpastherandheadtowardsthestairwell.
IfI’mgoingtomakeitthroughtonight,Ineedtofocusmyenergyontheplayersthatmatter.
JustasIreachthefoyer,mymothernotfarbehindme,Alexanderreachesforthedoorknob.Hiseyessharpenonme.Onesilentfinalwarningtobehave.
Itakeadeepbreathashepullsthedooropen.
Letthegamesbegin.
***
Beforetheappetizerscanevenhitthetable,KonstantinSokolovhasoffendedmeineverywaythatmatters.
“Ifthingshadhappenedliketheyoughttohave,”Konstantinsays,referringforthefifthtimetomerunningawaytoavoidmarryinghisson,“thenIwouldn’tbeworried.Butshe’spastherprime.Ifwewanthealthyoffspring,theyneedtogetmarriedandgetstartedassoonaspossible.”
Pastmyprime?I’mtwenty-four,forfuck’ssake!
Thenagain,Idon’twanttobeinmyprime.NotforMikhailSokolov.Notforbeingusedasabreedingcowforhispsychopathbabies.
SoIbitemytongueanddrownthewords.IwishIcouldliterallydrownthem,butAlexanderalreadysilentlywarnedmeoffofanymorewater.Whenthemaidrefilledmyglassforthethirdtime,Alexanderglancedoverandshookhishead.ButIthinkhe’dratherIdrinkthansaywhatisonmymind.
WhichisthatKonstantinSokolovisgoingtoneedmorethanawomaninherprimetohavesexwithMikhailifhewantsgrandchildren.Becauseasitis,onelookathismean,pastysonhasmedryerthantheSahara.Icanpracticallyfeelmyovariesshrivelingup.Nineoutoftenfertilitydoctorsrecommendagainsttryingtoreproducewithmenyoudespiseonavisceral,physicallevel.
“Weannouncedtheengagementtoday,butlefttheweddingdateunspecifiedsincethesituationis…unfolding.”MikhaillooksdownatmeandIrealizeIam“thesituation.”
“‘Unwilling’ismorelikeit,”Imutter.
Nooneseemstohearmebecause,rightasIspeak,thekitchendoorsopen.FourwomenIdon’trecognizeandoneIdomarchoutcarryingbasketsofbreadandsalads.There’soneserverforeachpersonatthetable.Becausethatisn’tostentatiousandobnoxiousintheleast,right?
IfMikhailandKonstantinareimpressedbyAlexander’sshowofwealth,theyhideitwell.Betteryet,everyoneissofocusedonthefoodbeingplacedinfrontofthemthatnoonenoticesasmallphonebeingdroppedintomylap.
Theyoungmaiddoesn’tlookatmeorsignaltomeinanyway.Shesimplyplacesmystartercourseonthetableandthendrapesaclothnapkininmylap,discreetlycoveringthephone.Then,withoutbreakingrank,shedisappearsintothekitchenwiththeothers.
“That’swhywe’rehere,”Alexandersaystothetable.“Tohammeroutthedetailsofourfamiliesbecomingone.I’msurewecanhandlethatoverfourcourses.”
Fourmorecourses?Ican’tsithereforfourmorecourses!Notwiththisbombinmylap.
Myheartisthundering.Itakeabiteofbread,butitturnstocementinmydrymouth.
IsthephonefromIvan?
Orisitatrap?
MaybeAlexanderandtheSokolovsaretestingmycommitment.MaybetheyaretestingmetoseewhatI’lldowhenpresentedwithawayout.WillItakeitorwillIobey?
“Idon’twanttowaitfourcourses;I’vewaitedlongenough,”Konstantinsays.“Idon’tseewhatwe’redoingwiththisdinnerinthefirstplace.It’sawasteoftime.Itshouldbeaweddingrehearsal.”
“Ifwerushit,itlookslikewe’rescared,”Mikhailoffers.
Helooksdownthetableatmeforonlyamoment.Doesheknowwhat’shidinginmylap?Hehastoknow.Hecanseerightthroughme.Heseestheterrorburningundermyskin.
ThenIseeit.Theghostofwhathefeltintherestaurantiswrittenalloverhisface.ThepanicatseeingIvanthere.ThefearthatIamslippingthroughhisfingers.
Whatwouldhethinkifheknewhe’dneverhadmeinhisgraspinthefirstplace?
Konstantinsighs.“Isuppose.Buttheweddingshouldhappenassoonasproprietyallows.”
Alexandermullsoverthethought.“Wecouldfasttrackthingsafewweeks.Themainconcernwouldbetheinvestment.PuttingarushonsomeofthesethingswillbecostlyandthebenefitI’mexpectedtogetoutofit—”
“Thecostisofnoconcerntome,”Konstantinsnaps.
Great.Gladwegotthatsettled.Nowthatmoneyisn’taconcern,maybetheycanbeconcernedabouttheabductionandforcedmarriage.
Ican’tevenbebotheredaboutthatrightnow,though.Notwiththiscellphoneofunknownoriginburningaholeinmylap.
Theyrambleon,talkingaboutweddingdatesandoptimaltimesformetobeimpregnated,butI’msodistractedIcan’tbeasdisgustedasIshouldbe.
Ineedtogetoutofhere.
Ineedtoseewhatisonthisphone.
Ifinishmysaladinrecordtime,shiftingthephonetowardsthebuilt-inpocketsofmydresseachtimeIreachdowntowipemyfingersonthenapkin.Bythetimethesaladisgone,thephoneissafelytuckedaway.ThethreeglassesofwaterIchuggedbeforethestartersarrivedarealsosittingheavyinmybladder.
“Arethereanyhereditaryconditionsweshouldknowabout?”Konstantinasks.Helooksatmymom,studyingher.“Hermotherlooksfineenough,butwhatdoyoumakeofherfather?Isheunwell?Idon’twanttoinviteanydisordersordiseasesintoourfamilyline.”
Yes,whatashameitwouldbetotarnishtheirlonghistoryofsociopathywithadoseofsanity.Can’thaveanyonewithaconsciencebreakingintothefold
“OurgenesarestrongenoughthatI’mnotconcerned.”Mikhailsmirks.“Impregnatingherwon’tbeaworry,butwhethershecancarryaSokolovbabyfulltermis.Sokolovmotherstendtowardsanemia.Wesuckourmothersdry,apparently.”
Iwanttothrowupinmymouth.Maybethat’swhat’swrongwiththeentirefamily.Theyareallparasites.IfI’mnotcareful,Mikhailwilllatchontome.
AlexanderlaughslikeMikhailjustsaidsomethingfunny.LikemakingacrackabouthowthewomenintheSokolovfamilygetillanddiewhileAlexanderisactivelymarryingmeintothatfamilyisn’tcauseforconcern.
Iguess,forhim,itisn’t.
“Wecanscheduleaphysicalifyouneed,buttherehasneverbeenanythingoutoftheordinarywithCordelia’shealth.Hasthere,Evaline?”
Mymothershakesherhead.“No.She’shealthyasahorse.”
“Icanpeelikeone,too,”Iinterrupt.
It’sthefirsttimeI’vespokentheentiremeal.Alleyesturntome.Mymother’sfaceisbrightredandAlexanderlookslivid.
Apparently,asenseofhumorisnotawelcomequalityinabride.Ah,well,nevertheless.Hetoldmetobeonmybestbehavior.ThisisthebestI’vegot.
“Ineedtousetherestroom,”Icorrect,myvoicemeekanddainty.“Ifyoucouldallexcuseme.”
Thephonesitsagainstmythighlikeabrick.Ifeeltheweightofitbringingmyskirtdownontherighthip.IshiftthatsideawayfromthetableasIslideoutofmychairandmakeforthedoor.
“Cordelia.”KonstantinSokolov’svoiceringsoutacrossthediningroom.“Stop.Turnaround.”
Myheartgallopsuncomfortablyinmychest,butIturnslowly.
Oh,fuck.
Ichosewrong.ThiswasatestandIfailedit.Whatcomesnext?Howbadwillithurt?
Foursetsofvenomouseyesarelockedonme.Icanfeelsweatdrippingdownmyspine.
“Yes?”Icroakthroughadrythroat.
Konstantin’seyesnarrow.Hisgazesweepsmeupanddownslowly.Finally,heturnsbacktoAlexander.“She’stoothin.SeetoitthatyoufixthisbeforeshecarriesaSokolov.”
Reliefmingleswithdisgustastheyallturntheirattentionbacktothetableandeachother,lookingawayasthoughIdon’tevenexist.
It’sagoodthing.ItmeansIcanslipoutofthisroomandtothebathroomwiththecontrabandintowwithoutbeingnoticed.
Butitstillmakesmefeelsmall.Insignificant.
I’mthinbecausehumansdon’tusuallyfaretoowellincaptivity.Weneedjoyandsunlightandhopetothrive.NoneofwhichareavailableintheMcAllisterhousehold.AndIhaveafeelingtheSokolovestateisevenbleaker.
BythetimeIgettothebathroom,I’mshakingwithadrenalineandfearandanger.Somuchanger.
Atfirst,Iwantedthemalltoignoreme.Now,thewaytheytalkaroundme,planningmyfuture,arrangingwhenI’llhavechildren…Itmakesmesick.
Idon’tknowhowmuchmoreofitIcantake.
Itakeamomenttopee—Ireallydidhavetogoafterthreecupsofwater—beforeIpullthephoneoutofmypocketandfinallydaretolookatit.
There’satextmessagefromanunknownnumber.
It’sme.Usethisphoneifyouneedit.I’mhere.
Ivan.Hesmuggledacellphonetomethroughanotheroneofthemaids.Buthe’sneverfeltfartheraway.
BeforeIcandecidewhattotextback,there’saknockonthedoor.Ilockthescreenandshovethephoneinmypocket.
“Hello?”Icall.
“Justcheckingonyou,”mymothersayssoftlythroughthedoor.“We’rewaitingonyouforthenextcourse.”
Ihaven’tbeengoneformorethanninetyseconds.Wasshelisteningtomyflowfromtheoutsideofthedoor?Shefinishedpeeingandflushed,soonlytwentymoresecondsforwashinghands,whichmeans…
IwanttoclingtothepromisesIvanhasmademe.Iwanttobelievethatheiscomingformeandthatthiswillallend.
Butthat’shardwhenmyworldisnobiggerthanthisbeigehalf-bath.AsmuchasIwanttodenyit,thisfeelslikemyfuture.
NotIvan,butMikhail.
Nothope,buthate.
Notlove,butfearandpainandbeingforcedtogivebirthtoanewgenerationofpeoplewhowillgrowupinthistoxiccycleandsuckmedryfromthewombandthendrop-kickmeintoanearlygrave.
Iblinkbacktearsandopenthebathroomdoor.29IVAN
Theaudioiscomingthroughcrystalclear.
WhenCoralefttherestaurant,thenecklacewasshovedinherpocket.Everythingwasmuffledandunintelligible.Butshemusthavefiguredouthowtodisplaythenecklacewithoutraisingeyebrows.BecauseIcanheareveryword.
Everydisgusting,horrendousword.
KonstantinSokolovhasn’tchangedabitsinceheandmyfatherarrangedformetomarryKaterina.“Thegoalofanymarriageishealthyoffspring,”he’dsaid,gesturingtohisbarelytwenty-year-olddaughter.“NowomanwillgiveyouhigherqualitybabiesthanKaterina.She’sreadyforthis.”
Ofcourse,Katerinawasn’treadyforit.Foranyofit.
SheranawaythesamewayCoratriedto.Shestartedover.
ThedifferenceisthatKaterinaisstillfree.Withouthisprizedoffspring,KonstantinhassethissightsonCora.Sheishisonlyhopetohaveheirs.BecausenooneintheirrightmindwouldmarryMikhailSokolov.
AndKonstantinknowsit.
“Theweddingshouldhappenassoonasproprietyallows.”IttakesmeasecondtorealizethatisKonstantin’svoiceinthepresentandnotfrommymemories.
Ibringmyphoneclosertomyear,tryingtocatcheveryword.
“Wecouldfasttrackthingsafewweeks,”Alexandersnivels.“Themainconcernwouldbetheinvestment.PuttingarushonsomeofthesethingswillbecostlyandthebenefitI’mexpectedtogetoutofit—”
Konstantincutshimoff.“Thecostisofnoconcerntome.”
Liars.Thecostistheonlythingthatmatterstoanyofthem.Theyarealllookingattheirbottomlinesallthetime.Themomentthisuniondoesn’tbringinenoughmoneyorensureenoughpower,itwillbedissolved.
IhearCorasigheverysooften.Herbreathrumblesagainstthespeaker,sendingablastofstatic.Thereminderthatsheisaliveandbreathingiscalming.
Whichisgood—becausenothingelseabouttheconversationiscalming.
It’stheworld’smostboringboxingmatch.Thesetwopreeningidiotssquaringoff,circlingeachotherwhiletheytrytomakesuretheyareeachgettingthebetterendofthedeal.
KonstantinwantstoknowAlexander’sfixerbusinessisonanupwardtrajectory.AlexanderwantstoknowthatsellinghisstepdaughterwillguaranteeKonstantinSokolov’scontinuedbusinessmovingforward.
It’snotdinnerconversation;it’sabuffetofthethoughtsofinsecuremen.Menwhohavenothingbettertodothanselltheirsonsanddaughtersintojoylessmarriageswhiletheycounttheircoins.
Atonepoint,Icouldhavebeenoneofthem.Ifithadn’tbeenforwatchingmyownsistersuffer…IfIhadn’tbeenengagedtoKaterina,wholiterallybeggedmetohelphergetfree…MaybeIwouldhaveturnedintooneofthesemanipulativeghoulswhotreatthepeoplearoundthemlikekindlingforthefire.
Butnow,thereisCora.
WithCora,itisn’tjustaboutsettingherfreeandhelpingherescapethisworld.It’saboutdestroyinganyworldthatwouldeverwanttokeepherdown.
Mikhail’svoicebreaksmeoutofmythoughts.Theaudiojumpsandthenpicksup.“Impregnatingherwon’tbeaworry,butwhethershecancarryaSokolovbabyfulltermis.”
MyknucklesgowhiteasIgripthephone.
ThethoughtofMikhailevenbeinginthesameroomasCoraisenoughtomakemewanttodriveacrosstownanddragCoraoutofthere,bodycountbedamned.Butthethoughtofhimtouchingher…impregnatingher…thereisn’taviolentenoughwordforwhatitmakesmewanttodotohim.
MaybethatangeriswhyIdidn’thearthefootstepsinthehalluntiltheknobisturning.
IswipeoutoftheaudioappandplacemyphonefacedownonmydeskjustasFranciastompsintomyoffice.
“Iwillnotlivelikethis,Ivan!”shescreeches.“Iwillnotlivelikethis.Irefuse.Thistreatmentis—is—It’sunacceptable!”
Herhairisinasweaty,frizzymessaroundherheadandshe’spanting.Shemusthavemarchedhereallthewayfromherwingofthehouse.
“Ah,yes.Ofcourse.”Ifoldmyshakinghandsontopofmydeskandnod.“Icanseehowlivinginamansionwithtwomaidsassignedtocareforyou,around-the-clockprotection,andalive-inchefcouldbeunacceptable.HowdareImakesureyoureveryneedismet?”
Franciastaresdaggersintome,butallIcanthinkaboutisCoralockedawayinherroom.Shehasnofreedom,noconnectiontotheoutsideworldbeyondthephoneamaidwillhopefullybedeliveringtohersoon,andshe’switheringawaywitheverypassingday.
She’scompletelyalone,trappedinthatroomwithmenwhodon’tdeservetobreathethesameairasher.
AndI’mhere…listeningtoFranciacomplainabouttheaccommodationsshestolefromCora.
Withoutlookingatmyunwelcomebride,IgrabmyphoneandfireoffatexttoCora’sburnernumber.
It’sme.Usethisphoneifyouneedit.I’mhere.
IwantCoratoknowsheisn’talone.Nomatterhowshefeelsrightnow,I’mgoingtocomeforher.I’mgoingtogetheroutofthere.
WhenIlookup,smokemightaswellbepouringoutofFrancia’sears.“Thereismoretoalifethanamenities,Ivan,”shespits.“Idon’tcarewhatthethreadcountofmysheetsareifyoucan’tevenmakeitthroughasingleconversationwithmewithoutgrabbingyourphone.Idon’tcareaboutajacuzzitubifnooneinthisfuckingmansionrespectsmyroleasyourwife.”
“Wearen’tmarried.”
“Yet,”shehisses.“Wearen’tmarriedyet.Butwewillbe,andbeingtreatedlikeasecond-classcitizeninmyownhomeisnotwhatIsignedupfor.”
“Guessyoushouldhavereadthefineprint.”It’sastrugglenottolaughinherface.“Youaren’tdead.Youcouldbedead.Isuggestyoukeepthatinmindandyou’llbemoregrateful.”
Sheblanches,butdoesn’tbackdown.“I’maBratvawife.Ishouldhavesomepower.”
“I’msorrytherealityisn’tlivinguptoyourfantasy.”
“Thisisn’taboutsomefantasyIhave,Ivan!I’mnotalittlegirlwithstarsinhereyes.I’mnotCora.”
Hernamehitsmelikeaboltoflightning.Igorigid.Ifeeleverybreath.Everyinhaleandexhale.
I’vetoedthelinebetweenpushingFranciaawayanddrawingherin.I’veheldmytongueandletherbuynewpillowsforthesittingroom.I’vesatbackandletherplayHouse,allsoshe’dthinktherewaseventhevaguestchancethatIcouldcometoacceptherasmywife.
Butnow…fuckit.
“No,”Isnarl,myvoicepurevenom.“You’renot.You’reafuckingbusinessdealandnotagoddamnthingmore.Ifyou’realivetosay,‘Ido,’thenthatisgoodenoughforme.Beyondthat,you’reuselesstome.”
Truthfully,Ihavenointentionofeverlettingthisbullshitgetthatfar.ButIdon’tneedtorevealallofmycardsatonce.NotwhenapeekatthishandissendingFranciaintoshock.
Hereyesarewideassheblinksatme,silentforthefirsttimeinalongtime.ThankfuckingGod.
“Youwantedastrong,capablebride.”Hervoiceisunsurelikeshehasn’tfullyconvincedherself.“Youwantedapartnership.That’swhatyousaid.Howcanthisbeapartnershipif…ifI’mdisrespected?”
“I’llmakesureyouarerespectedinpublic,”Itellher.“Itdoesmenogoodifyouarealaughingstockamongstourpeers.Butinthishouse,Iwon’tliftafingertomakeyourlifeeasier.Iwon’tgooutofmywaytomakesurethestaffcutsthecrustsoffyoursandwichesormakesyourbed.”
“But…butwe’reengaged!I—”
“Youforcedmeintothismarriage,”Iremindhericily.“IfyouthoughtIwouldtakekindlytothat,youseverelyunderestimatedme.Andifyoudon’tlikethewaythingsaregoinghere,youhavenoonetoblamebutyourself.Themomentyoudecidedtodoublecrossme,thisisthelifeyousignedupfor.Youaremybride,notmybeloved.Andyouneverwillbe.”
IexpectFranciatothrowanotherfit.Toscreamandshoutuntilshegetsherway.
Instead,sheglaresatmeforonesecond,two,three…Thensheturnsandtwirlsoutoftheroom,leavingassilentlyasshecame.
KonstantinSokolovwantstobumpuptheirtimeframe.Well,Ihaveyetanothergreatreasontobumpupmine.
Franciaisnotgoingtoquitthiseasily.30FRANCIA
Ithoughthewouldcomearound.
Coraiswide-eyed.Naive.Shedoesn’tknowhowtotakecareofherself.HowcanIvanthinkshe’llbeabletotakecareofhim?Sheisahelplesslittlegirltrappedinauselesswoman’sbody.
IhatethatIwasright.
IhatethatIknewIvanwouldchooseher.AllIhadtodowassendherteeteringinhisdirectionandhefellforher
No—hefellforme.
EverythinghewantsisbecauseItoldhimtowantit.Sowhycan’tImakehimwantthis?Wantme?
IliftmychinasIpassthroughthekitchen.Themaidsthinktheyarehidingwellenoughinthepantry,butIcanseethelightcomingfromunderthedoor.Tittering.Mockingme.
I’llcomebackforthemlater.
Rightnow,Ineedtotakecareofmyhusband-to-be.
Menknowwhattheywant,buttheyhavenofuckingcluewhattheyneed.Ivanneedsarealwoman.Heneedsapartnerwhocancarrytheweightofpoweralongsidehim.Corawouldbuckleunderthestrain.Shecan’tdoforIvanwhatheneeds.Shecan’tdowhatI’mgoingtodoforhim.
He’llseeit.Iknowhewill.
Ivanwillopenhiseyestotheprizestandinginfrontofhimor…orI’llgetridofhim,too.I’llgetridofeveryoneinmyway.
Thephoneringssixtimesbeforethere’sananswer.“YouknowI’mbusy,”hesnaps.“Whatdoyouneedthatisso—”
“Getridofher.”
There’sapause.“Who?”
“Youknowwho,”Ihiss.“Whothefuckelse?Iwantheroutofthepicturenow.”
There’salongpause.Isigh.Anothermanwhodoesn’tknowwhatheneeds.DoIhavetodofuckingeverythingaroundhere?
“Francia,therearethingsinmotionthatcan’tberushed.Wehavetogothroughtheproperchannelsand—”
“ShutthefuckupanddowhatItellyou.GetridofCora.”
Hestartstosaysomething,buttheretortislostasIhangupthephone.
“Ivandoesn’tknowwhatisbestforhim,butIdo,”Iwhisper.“I’mgoingtobehisqueenwhetherhelikesitornot.”31CORA
ThemomentI’maloneinmyroom,Itearmyfrillydressoffandkickitintothecorner.
Ifeelfilthy.LikeI’vespentthelasttwohourswallowinginthemudwithpigs.
Inalotofways,Ihave.Alexander,Mikhail,Konstantin—they’reallpigs.TheonlyworthIhaveintheireyesistheabilitytolookprettyandprocreate.Theydon’tcareifI’mhappy.Theydon’tgiveashitifI’mfulfilled.
Ifthelasttwohourstaughtmeanything,it’sthatifIstayhere,I’llenduplikemymother.Aweak,simperingwomanclingingtothearmofaheartlessbastard.
Igointomyensuitebathroomandscrubthemakeupoffofmyface.Ittakestwopassesbeforetheeyelinerandmascaraisfinallynothingmorethanaslightsmudgearoundmyeyes.Usually,I’dtryagain,butwhatdoesitmatter?Whoisgoingtoseeme?NooneIcareaboutimpressing.
WhenI’mdone,Ipadbackintomyemptyroom,gratefultobealone.Butstill,IwishIwassomewhereelse.Withsomeoneelse.
It’sme.Usethisphoneifyouneedit.I’mhere.
Ivan’stextpopsintomymindatthesamemomentIseemydresscrumpledinthecorner.
TherestofthedinnerwassuchanightmarethatIalmostforgotaboutthephonehesentme.IhurryacrosstheroomanddigthroughtheswathsoffabricbeforeIfeelthepieceofplastic.
Irestbackonmyanklesandopenthephone.MymessagetoIvanisstillinthetextboxunsent.
Don’tforgetaboutme,Ivan.Don’tleavemehere.Thankyouforthis,butpleasecome—
Allofthosesamefeelingsstillburninsideofme,cryingoutforanyonetohear.Butnow,thereissomethingelse,too.Aneed.
Ideletethemessageanddraftanewone.
Iwishyouwerehere.Rightnow.Inmybed.
Isendthemessageandthenscramblebackontomymattress,waitingforhisreply.Idon’thavetowaitlong.
Saymore.
Myfingerstinglewithanticipation.Doyourememberthatbagofsextoysyoumademebuy?Iask.
OfcourseIremember.
Mybodyremembers,too.Ashiverworksitswaydownmyspine.Iremembertryingtochasetheacheinsideofme,tryingtogetIvanoutofmyhead,onlyforhimtoshowupinmyshower.Icanstillfeelthewayheshiftedbehindme.Thewayhisbodyfitagainstmycurves.Hebroughtmetothebrinkwithhishandsandthetoyandtherawsexualitythatnooneelseonearthcanholdacandleto.
Iblowoutashakybreath.Iwantyoutotiemetoyourbedandusethemonme.
IsendthemessagebeforeIcandoubtmyself.Forthefirsttimeindays,thewallsofmyroomdisappear.ThecagearoundmefallsawayandIfloatoffsomewhereelse.
Istareatthescreen,waitingforhistext.Instead,thephonerings.
AssoonasIacceptthecall,thedeeptimbreofhisvoicecutsthroughthesilence.“Don’tsayanything.Idon’twantthemtohearyou.”
Mymouthisalreadyhalf-opened,butIcloseit.
“Cora,”hebreathes.Eventhewayhesaysmynameisforeplay.Ifeelthevibrationofitinmytoes.“Slideyourhandbetweenyourlegs.”
Myheartjolts.Igripthephonetighter.Sextingwasonething,buthearingIvansayallthesedirtythingsrightinmyearisdifferent.I’mnotsureifI’mreadyfor—
“Stayquiet,”heremindsme,asifhecanreadmythoughts.“Andletmemakeyoufeelgood.”
Iblinkbackthesuddenthreatoftears.NooneseemstocareaboutwhatIwantorneed.
ExceptIvan.
Hecares.
SoIlethim.
Islidemyhandbetweenmylegs,curlingmypalmovermyheat.
“Runyourmiddlefingeroveryourslit.”
Ilisten,mybreathhitchingasIfollowhisorders.
“Ilovethatsound,”hegrowls.“Ilovewhenyoufallapartjustalittlebitforme.Pushyourpantiestothesideanddoitagain.”
It’smyownhandmovingmypantiestothesideanddippingintomyarousal,butitfeelsdifferent.I’matIvan’smercy.I’mfrozen,waitingforhisnextdirection,achingforhimtoletmegofurther.
“You’rewet,aren’tyou?”Hehumslikeheknowstheanswer.“Circleyourclit,Cora.”
Igaspagain,shockedatthejoltofpleasurethatshootsthroughme.Ivanmoans,too.Thefacthe’senjoyingmypleasuremakesitsomuchbetter.
“Keepgoing,”hesays.“Don’tstoptouchingyourself.Iwouldn’t.Ifyouwereinmybed,IwouldwrapyourlegsaroundmyheadthewayIdidinthatbathroom.Iwouldlickyouandsuckuntilyouwerequivering.Areyouquivering,Cora?”
Inod,mybreathcatchingwithagaspinmythroat.
“Goodgirl.Touchyourselfforme,Cora.Takewhatyouwant.Takewhatyoudeserve.”
He’sbreathingheavilyinthephone.Iimaginehishotbreathonmyneck.Onmybreasts.IimagineIvan’sfamiliarweightontopofme.
Therearesofewreasonstofeelgoodinmylifeasitcurrentlystands.Sofewmomentsthatbelongexclusivelytome
Butthismomentdoes.
ThisismineandI’mgoingtotakeit.
Iarchmybackwithagasp.“Likethat,”Ivanencourages.“Don’tstop.”
SoIdon’t.Ikeepcirclingandstrokinguntiltheheatbloominginmycoreflaresandthenexplodes.Tendrilsofitexpandtomyfingertipsandmytoes.Ifeelmyheartbeatbetweenmylegs,pulsingandthrummingwithlife.
Iwhimperwiththeeffortittakesnottocryout.
Ivangroansinmyear.Ihopehe’sfindingrelease,too.IwishIcouldtalktohim.IwishIcouldtakehimtothesameplaceIam.
“Fuck,Cora,”hepants.“Youare…You’reincredible.Mysolnishka.Mylittlesuninthedarkness.”
I’venevergonefromarousaltotearsquitesoquicklybefore,butIsniffleandswipeatmyeyes.
“You’regoingtogetoutofthere,”hesayssoftly.“Captivityisnothingbutastateofmind.”
It’sbeenimpossibletolatchontohopethelastfewdays.ButhearinghowmuchIvanbelievesinme,Ican’thelpbutbelieveinme,too.
Iwillgetoutofhere.
Nomatterwhathappens,I’llgetoutofhere.
OrI’lldietrying.
***
Iwakeuptoacrash.I’moutofbedandonmyfeetbeforemymindcancatchuptowhatmybodyisdoing.
Therewasabang.Aloudbang.
Andvoices.
Iblinkintothedimlightfilteringthroughmycurtainsandseepeoplemovingintomyroom.
“Whatisit?”Irasp.“Whatisgoing—”
Someoneclicksonthelampnexttomybed.Ihissawayfromthesuddenbrightness.
“Comeon,Cordelia.It’stimetogo.”Idon’tneedmyvisiontoknowthatismymother’svoice.
“Mom?”Myeyesarestartingtoadjust.IcanseeAlexanderstandinginthehallway.Hehashishandsfoldedbehindhisback,hiseyescasttowardsthestairs.“What’sgoingon?Whatis—Iseverythingokay?”
Shemovestowardsme,reachingformyarm.“We’lltalkaboutit.Youjustneedtocomewith—”
“No!”Ijerkback,smackingintothewallbehindme.
Shelowersherhead,browspinched.“Cordelia,don’tmakethisharderthanithastobe.”
“Makewhatharder?Idon’tevenunderstandwhatishappening!Whyareyouhere?”
Mymomopenshermouthtorespond,butanothervoicecutsin.“Ifyoucan’tcontrolyourdaughter,thenIwill.”Mikhailstepsintomyroom,andIswearadarkcloudofsulfurrollsinbehindhim.
I’mwearingacottont-shirtandflannelshorts,butImightaswellbenakedforhowexposedIfeel.Iwrapmyarmsaroundmyself.“Youshouldn’tbeinhere.”
“IgowhereIwant.”Heholdsoutahand.“ComewithmeorI’llhavetomakeyou.”
Irecoilfromhistouch.“Alexander,thisisyourhouse.Youcan’t—Tellhimtoleave.”
IhatethatI’mturningtomystepfatherforanyhelp,buthe’stheonlyonewhocanstopthis.IknowtherelationshipbetweenhimandtheSokolovsisallfucked-up.MaybeifIcanpokeatthatconnection,he’llstopwhateverthisis.
“It’slate,Cordelia,”hesighs.“Don’tbedifficult.”
Ididn’tknowIstillhadthecapacitytobeshockedbythesepeople,buthereIam.I’mstunned.There’snohumanityinthem.Noempathy.
“Idon’tevenknowwhereI’mgoing.Someonetellmewhat’shappening!”
Maybeiftheytellmewhatisgoingon,Icanstopit.MaybeIcangetoutofthis.
Butevenasthethoughtcrossesmymind,somethinginsideofmeknowsitisn’ttrue.
“It’sactuallygreatnews.”Mikhailsmiles.Silvermoonlightglintsoffofhisteeth,turningthemintofangs.“YouandIaregettingmarried.Tonight.”32CORA
“Married?”Myhandshiftsuptosqueezethelocketrestingagainstmycollarbone.
ThephoneIvangavemeiswedgedundermymattress.There’snowayIcangettoitandtextIvanintime.
EvenifIdidtexthim,Iknowwhatwouldhappen.
He’drushintothehousetosavemeunprepared.He’dtrytofight,butAlexanderandtheSokolovswouldbereadyforthat.Hewoulddie.Anditwouldallbemyfault.
SoIcan’ttextIvan.
ButIalsocan’tleavewithMikhail.
Oncewe’remarried,deathwillbetheonlywayout:eitherhisormine.Divorcewon’tbeanoption.
“Youknewthiswascoming.Don’tactsurprised,”hesays.
“It’sthemiddleofthenight.OfcourseI’msurprised!”Ispit.“Plus,tonightatdinneryouallsaiditwouldbeafewweeks.Yousaid—”
“Wehavenewinformationnow.”
Itcouldbemyimagination,butMikhail’sfaceseemstosharpen.Theanglesofhisfaceturnominous.I’veneverenjoyedlookingatMikhail,butI’vealsoneverfoundhimscary.
Rightnow,though,he’sterrifying.
Hereachesforme,snaggingthesleeveofmyt-shirtjustasIdodgeoutoftheway.“Comeon,Cordelia.It’stimetogo.”
“No!”Icrawloverthebedandmakeforthedoor,butAlexanderisstillthere.
“Youaren’tgettingoutofhere,Cordelia,”hesays.“Notuntilweletyou.”
“Notuntilwedragyou,”Mikhailamends.
Ispinaroundandlooktomymother.Thisisit:herlastshottobematernal.Totakecareofme.Tosaveme.Please,myeyesbeg.Pleasedon’tletthemdothis.
Herlipspurse.Icanseeherwrithingundertheuncomfortablepressure.Shedoesn’twanttobeheredoingthis.
Butthenshelooksaway.
Mymomdoesn’tmindthatIamindanger;shemindsonlythatsheisuncomfortable.Herentirelifehasbeenabouttakingcareofherself.Andthatwon’tchangeanytimesoon.
Mikhailwalksaroundmybedtowardsme.“Let’sgo.It’stimeto—”
Justbeforehecangrabme,Iturnandlungeformybookshelf.
HowmanytimeshaveIpracticedslidingtheletteropeneroutofitshidingplace?Countless.I’vepulleditoutjusttomakesureit’sstillthere.ToconsolemyselfwiththethoughtthatIhaveabackupplanincaseeverythinggoessideways.
Well,thingsaren’tjustsideways—theyareupsidefuckingdown.
Icrashintothewhitesetofshelves,cryingoutatthepaininmyshoulder.Butthereisn’ttimetostop.Tohesitate.BecauseMikhailisonme.
Hiscoldhandswraparoundmyankle,tuggingmeback.
ButIgriptheshelfwithenoughforcethatIthinkmyfingernailsmightcrackandkickmylegs.IflailandflopuntilMikhailcan’tholdme.
Icrawlforwardandswipemyhandundertheshelf.Foronepanickedsecond,Ithinkitmightnotbethere.DespitehowmanytimesI’vedouble-andtriple-checked,Iimaginehittingnothingbutdeadair.
Butthenmyhandwrapsaroundthenow-familiarwoodenhandle.Iriptheletteropenerfreeofthetape,whirlontomyback,andholdthebladeinMikhail’sdirection.
Hepullsbackinshockthatquicklyturnstorage.“Whatisthat,Cordelia?”
“I’mnotgoingwithyou,”Igritout.“Youcan’tforcemeintothis.Youcan’tdragmeoutofbedinthemiddleofthenightandhaveashotgunwedding.”
“Can’tI?”Hesmirks.“I’mnotsureifyouheardmethefirsttime,butIcandowhateverthefuckIwant.”
Ishakemyhead.“Notme.”
Hissmilewidens.“Especiallyyou.”
Itightenmygripontheletteropener,butitdoesn’tmatter.BeforeIcansayanythingelse,anarmswipesoutfrombehindmeandknocksmyonlyweaponoutofmyhands.
Iscrambleafterit,butAlexanderkneelsonmychest,pinningmedown.
“Ican’tbreathe!”Igasp,clawingathisthigh.“Getoffofme!”
Helooksdownatme,hiseyescold.“Areyougoingtocooperate?”
Asobwrenchesoutofmytightchest.“Please,Alexand—Ican’t—You’resuffocatingme.”
“Are.You.Going.To.Cooperate?”herepeatsslowly.
Iwanttorefuse,butmyvisionisnarrowingtopinpricks.Blackiscreepingin,agrowingcircleofdarknessswallowingmysight.
IfIrefuse,he’llkillme.Iknowit.
“Yes,”Iraspinadesperateattempttobreathe.“Yes,I’llcooperate.I’ll—Please.Ican’t—”
HiskneeliftsandIinhalegreedylungfulsofair.Iflopbackonmyfloor,myheadpressingintotheplushcarpet.Sprawledoutandoxygen-starvedanddefenseless.
“That’sagoodgirl.”Mikhailgrabsmyarmandyanksmetomyfeet.
Iwobbleasthebloodrushesoutofmyhead,butbeforeIcanevenregainmyfooting,Mikhailisdraggingmetowardsthedoor.
Forafewstunnedseconds,Ilethim.There’snouseinfighting.Alexander,Mikhail,andmymotherareallhereandtheyallwantmetogetmarriedtoMikhail.Nooneisgoingtohelpme.
ThenIhearIvan’svoiceinmyhead.Captivityisnothingbutastateofmind.
ThemomentIdecideI’mcaught,it’sover.
Ihavetofight.
“Wait.”Idon’tjerkoutofMikhail’shold,butIlayahandonhiswrist.Islowhimdown.“Waitasecond.”
“Youaren’tgettingoutofthis,soshutupandcome—”
“I’mnottryingtogetoutofit,”Ilie.“ButI…Idon’twanttogetmarriedlikethis.”
Herollshiseyes.“Ifyouwantedromance,youshouldn’thavestartedourweddingdaybyshovingaknifeinmyface.”
“Idon’tneedromance,butwecanstillmakethisnice,right?”Ibrushmythumbalonghiswrist.
Mikhaillooksdownatourhands.Iexpecthimtotwistawayfromme.Surelyhe’llseerightthroughmygamesanddemandthatIshutmymouth,right?
Instead,heglancesupatme.“Whatdidyouhaveinmind?”
Ireleasehiswristandthrowmyarmswide.“Notgettingmarriedinmypajamasisastart.”
Helooksmeupanddown.“Idon’tcarewhatyou’rewearing.AllIneedisasignature.”
“Andconsummation,”Iblurt.Myfaceflushesdeepred,whichI’mactuallygratefulfor.Itmakesmelookeverybittheliteralblushingbride.Itsellsmylies.
Mikhailfrowns.
“Afterthewedding,”Iexplainsoftly,steppingclosertohim.“IfIhavetodothis,Iwantittobememorable.Iwantittobenice.Weshouldtrytostartourmarriageoffontherightfoot.”
Hismouthtwistsdownevenfurther.“Whywouldyoucare?”
“Thismaynotbelove,butIstillhavemydignity.”Iliftmychinandpressmyshouldersback.“Iwanttoshower,cleanmyselfup,andchoosesomethingnicetowear.Rightnow,I’mbralessinrippedpajamas.Isthathowyouimaginedyourweddingnight?”
Mikhailprobablyimaginedhisweddingnightwithtortureracksandwhips.Or,no—that’stooexcitingforhim.Morelikely,itinvolvedjoylessmissionarysexuntilhefinishesandrollsoffofhisbride.I’msurethat’shisfantasy.
Idon’tplantofulfillit.
“Isupposenot,”Mikhailadmits.Heconsidersitforafewmoresecondsandthennods.“Okay.Youcanhaveanhourtogetready.”
Anhour.Maybethat’llbeenough.
I’llbealoneandIcantextIvan.Icantellhimwhatisgoingon.Maybehe’llhavetimetorallyhisforcesandstopthis.Maybehe—
“Butyourmomwillstayherewithyoutheentiretime,”Mikhailadds.
Justlikethat,myhopescrashandburn
“I’dbehappyto,”mymothersays.
There’ssomeprideinhervoice.Itmustfeelniceforhertobeusefulaftersomanyyearsspentaslittlemorethanalawnornament.IsthatwhatIhavetolookforwardto?
IdismissthethoughtassoonasIhaveit.Thatwon’tbeme.Iwon’tgivein.
Mikhailstopsinthedoorway,castingonelonglookbackatmebeforeheclosesthedoorandleavesmeandmymotheralone.
Theairisthickwithtension.Somehow,it’sevenworsethanitwaswithMikhailintheroom.
IneverexpectedMikhailtohelpme.I’veneverhadanynotionsthat,inmytimeofneed,hewouldriseupandsaveme.Butmyownmother?Somedeep,childlikepartofmerefusedtobelievethatshewouldreallyturnmeovertomyenemiesonasilverplatter.Yetthat’sexactlywhatshedid.
“Well,”shesighs,clappingherhandstogether,“Icangetyourdressoutandsteamitifyouwanttogetintheshowerand—”
“Iwantamaidtohelpme,”Iinterrupt.
“What?”
“Amaid,”Irepeat.“Um…thewomanwhoservedmetonight.Ilikedherhair.Theblondewoman.Maybeshecouldfixmyhairforme.”
Mymomfrowns.Thenrecognitioncrossesherface.“Oh.Oh.No,thatwon’twork.She’sfired.”
“Butshewasjustheretonight.”
“UntilAlexandercaughthermessingwiththesecuritycameras,”shesays.“Hefiredheronthespot.She’sgone.”
Myonlyallyinsidethehouseisgone.MyconnectiontoIvaniswedgedsodeeplyundermymattressitmightaswellbeinTimbuktu.I’malone.Completelyalone.
AndIhavenoideawhatI’mgoingtodo.
“Gogetintheshower,”mymothercajoles.“I’llironyourdressandgetitready.Wedon’thavemuchtime.”
“No,”Imuttersoftly.“Wedon’t.”
Ipadintothebathroomandclosethedoorbehindme.Captivityisastateofmind.AndIcanfeelthebarsrisinguparoundme.
Igrabmynecklaceandlookupatthesky,prayingforamiracle.
“Helpme,”Iwhisper.“Someone,please.IfIdon’tgetoutnow,Ineverwill.”33IVAN
Iliebackandstareupattheceiling.It’simpossibletosleepknowingCoraisinanotherbed.
Onthephonewithher,therewasamomentwhereIimagineditwasallreal.WherethesceneplayedoutinmymindthewayIwanteditto,withmyhanddoingalltheworkwhileCorafellapartunderneathme.
Thenwehadtohangupandtherealityofmyemptyroomcamecrashingdownonme.
BasedonwhatIoverheardfromthedinnerconversation,wehavemereweekstogetCoraoutofAlexanderMcAllister’shousebeforeshe’sgoingtobemarriedtoMikhail.YetIcan’tshakethefeelingthatsomethingisn’tright.
SinceIcan’tsleepanyway,Ipulloutmyphoneandopenuptheliveaudiofeed.
Corahasbeenwearingthenecklacetobed.Inthesilenceofherroom,Icanhearthesoftthudofherheartbeatandherdeep,evenbreathing.It’slikewhitenoise.Thesoundofhercontinuedlife,evenifsheisn’twithme,iscalming.
Iclosemyeyesandlistentoherinhalesandexhales,tothestatickymurmursassheshiftsbeneaththeblanketsorrollsover.
Slowly,Isettle.MyeyescloseandImatchherbreathingpace,lettingmybodysinkintothemattressanddriftclosertosleep.
Thenthepeaceshatters.
Thereisbangingandvoices.Coraispantingandpanicked.I’moutofbedandslippingintopantsbeforeIevenknowwhatishappening.
Whateveritis,it’swrong.
Screwthethoroughlydrawn-outplanandthemitigationofrisks.Fuckitall.
I’mgoingafterher.Now.
Coraistalkingtohermom,butIknowtherearemorepeoplethere.IcanhearitinCora’svoicethatthereisabiggerthreat.
Finally,thatthreatrevealsitself.
“Ifyoucan’tcontrolyourdaughter,thenIwill,”Mikhailspits.
IclenchmyteethasItearthroughthemansiontowardsthesecuritywing.SinceJordenhasallbutrecovered,Yashahastakentosleepinginthesecuritywingofthehouse.HehasbeenmonitoringthesituationherewithFranciaandworkingwithmeineverysparesecondtomapoutexactlyhowtogetinandoutofAlexanderMcAllister’smansionwithCoraintowwithoutgettinganyonekilled.
“It’sactuallygreatnews,”Mikhailcontinues.“YouandIaregettingmarried.Tonight.”
Ittakesallofmyrestraintnottohurlmyphoneatthewall.
“Fuck,”Ihiss.
Tonight.
ForallIknow,there’saministerstandingdirectlybehindhim,paperworkinhand.Thisweddingcouldbesecondsorhoursaway,Ihavenoidea.
Butthatdoesn’tchangethegoal:IneedtogettoCoranow
IlistenasCoraarguesandfightsback.Prideswellsinmeassherefusestoleavewiththem,butitdescendsintopanic.Thereismorebangingandshouting.Ihavenoideawhatishappening.Isshebeingattacked?Issheokay?
Ibreakintoajog,thephoneheldclosetomyearsoIcanheareverysecondofaudio.
Finally,IhearCora’svoiceagain.
“I’mnotgoingwithyou.Youcan’tforcemeintothis.Youcan’tdragmeoutofbedinthemiddleofthenightandhaveawedding.”
“Can’tI?”Mikhailhisses.“I’mnotsureifyouheardmethefirsttime,butIcandowhateverthefuckIwant.”
“Thefuckyoucan,”Igrowl.
Idon’tbotherknockingonYasha’sdoor.There’snotime.Ithrowitopenandcrashintohisroom.
“Coraisintrouble.Wehavetogo.Now!”Ibark.
Yashayelpsandyankshiscomforterup,coveringhimself…
AndJorden.
Onanynormalday,I’dcommentonthefactthatJordenisnakedinYasha’sbed.I’dhaveagoodtimegivinghimshitaboutit.Butrightnow,Ihavenointerest.
“Coraisintrouble,”Irepeat.“Wehavetogo.”
Jordenhugsthecomfortertoherchest.“What’shappening?”
Coraanswersforme,theaudiopickinguphermuffledcries.“Ican’tbreathe!Getoffofme!”
Mystomachchurnspainfully.She’sindangerandIcan’thelpher.I’mstillfifteenminutesaway.
Ishouldhavegrabbedherwhenwewereinthatbathroomandran.Fucktheguards.Fuckeverythingelse.Ishouldhaveriskeditallandtakenherthen.
Now,itmightbetoolate.
Yashacursesandjumpsoutofbed.Iturnawayashepullsonclothesandthenreachesforhisphone.Withoutsayinganythingtome,hemakesacall.
“Rooster,”hesays,“it’sYasha.Weneedbackup.”
Throughthenecklace,IcanhearAlexanderdemandingthatCoracooperate.Shepromiseshimthatshewill.
I’mgoingtokillthem.Alexander,Mikhail,Konstantin…Hell,evenCora’smother.I’llkillthemallandleavetheirheadsonpikesinthelawn.I’llgomedievalontheirasses.LeteveryoneknowwhathappenswhenyoumesswithIvanPushkin’swoman.
Yashaturnsbacktothebed,grabsJorden’sface,andpressesaquick,tenderkisstoherlips.“I’llseeyoulater.”
Thenmybestfriendstridestowardsme,purposeinhiseverystep.“Let’sgogetyourgirl,Ivan.”34CORA
“Whoeverwouldhavethoughtthetwoofuswouldbehere?”mymotherasks.
I’vebeenavoidingmyreflectioninthemirrorsincethemomentIsteppedintothewhitedress.ButIriskalookuptoseemymomstandingbehindme.
“Doyoumeanlacingupaweddingdressinthemiddleofthenightforaforcedmarriage?Becauseifso—yeah,notme.”
Hersmilefalls.“Iknowyouthinkthisistheworstthingthatcouldeverhappen,butwewerelivingonthestreet.Wewereinthegutter.Alexandersavedus.”
“WejumpedoutofthepanandintothefireasfarasI’mconcerned,”Imutter.
Shepullsharderonthelaces,makingmejolt.“Don’tsaythatinfrontofAlexander.You’vemadethingscomplicatedenough.”
Theyaretheoneswhomadethingscomplicated.Theywokemeupinthemiddleofthenight.Theyaretryingtowedmetoapsychopath.Whatdidtheyexpectwouldhappen?
Butthere’snopointinfightingback.
Mymotherstandsbackandsmiles.“Ithinkthat’sit.You’redone.”
Myheartquivers.Iwanttheretobemorelacestotie.Morepinstostickintomyalreadyoverdoneupdo.I’mnotreadytostepoutofthisroomandfacewhateveriscomingnext.
Ivansaidcaptivityisastateofmind,butit’saplace,too.It’shell.
Helliswhatwaitsformeoutsidethatdoor,andwhileIsworetomyselfandtoIvanthatIwillfighttoothandnailtomakeitthroughthisnever-endingnightmare…IdesperatelywishIdidn’thaveto.
I’mjustsotired.
Tearswellinmyeyesasmymommovesaroundme.Shereachesupanddabsatthemwithawhitehandkerchief.
“Everywomancriesonherweddingday,”shereassuresme.
Isnort.“Usuallyfordifferentreasons.”
“Yes,well…”Sheshrugs.“Mikhaildoesn’tneedtoknowthat.Asfarastheyknow,you’reovercomewithjoy.”
“Hewon’tbelievethat.”
“Thenmakehimbelieveit.”Hervoicehasasurprisingedgetoit.
Ilookinmymom’seyes.SheandIhaveneverlookedtoomuchalike.Sheisshorterandsofterand,eversinceshemetAlexander,herwavyhairhasbeentamedintolowbuns,hermakeupsubtleandnude.
“Makehimbelieveit,”sherepeats.“Becauseasbadasyouthinkthingsarenow,they’llonlygetworseifyoukeepfighting.LetMikhailtakecareofyou.Lethimkeepyousafe.”
“IsthatwhatyoudidwithAlexander?”
Sheholdsmygazeforafewmoreseconds,somethingunspokenpassingbetweenus.Thensheturnsaway.“Ofcoursenot.Ilovehim.”
“Veryconvincing.”
Suddenly,mymotherwhipsaroundme,hervoicelow.“Youdon’tseemtounderstandthedangeryou’reinnow,Cordelia.Mikhailhasputupwithyourprotestssofar,buthewon’tforever.Ifyouwantthisfamilytosurvive—ifyouwanttosurvive—you’lllearntotakethehandyou’vebeendealt.”
It’sthefirsttimesinceIgotherethatI’veseenaglimpseofmyactualmother.ApeekatthewomanbehindthefacadeAlexanderhascrafted.
She’sscared.
Maybesomeofherfearisforme.Thedaughterinmewouldsureliketothinkso.ButIknowmostofitisforherself.IfI’mdifficult,itmightreflectpoorlyonher.
BeforeIcansayanything,shestepsbackandsmiles.“Youlooklovely,Cordelia.”
She’srecededbackbehindhermask.Idon’tevenrecognizeher.
IsthatwhatI’llhavetobecome?Ashellofmyformerselfwhotucksallofherthoughtsandfeelingsandfearsoutofsight?
Iwanttokeepfighting.ButI’mnotsureIcan.Becauseshe’sright:Mikhailwillkillmeifhedoesn’tgethisway.
Mymotherturnstowardsthedoorandpanicwashesoverme.“Areyoureadytogetmarried,sweetheart?”Shehastheaudacitytoaskthequestionwithasmileonherface.I’mnotsureifshe’sthatdeepindenialorifit’sanexampleofhowIshouldbehave.Smile.Pretend.Dowhatyoumusttogetthrough.
Ican’tbringmyselftorespond,soIjusthikeuptheskirtofmydressandmakemywayacrosstheroom.
WhatisIvangoingtodowhenhefindsout?Thiswasneverpartoftheplan.Hepromisedhewouldstopthisfromhappening.
MoretearsstarttoburnthebacksofmyeyesandIblinkthemaway.
Ican’tthinkaboutwhatwaspromisedorwhatcouldhavebeen.Thereisn’ttimeforthat.Theonlythingthatmattersisnow.Andrightnow,I’mbeingmarriedofftoalunatic.
Alunaticwhowillprobablykeepmeunderlockandkeyafterwe’remarried.Therewon’tbeanymoreneedtoconvincethepublicofourrelationship.Actually,keepingmeoutofsightwillworkinhisfavor.We’lllooklikestereotypicalnewlyweds,toobusybetweenthesheetstocomeupforair.
Theliemakesmystomachturn.
Mostlybecauseitisn’tallfalse.KonstantinwasclearthathethinksI’mpastmyprime.I’msureitemnumberoneonMikhail’sto-dolistwillbeme
Mymomopensmydoorandstepsoutintothehallway.Forjustasecond,sheducksoutofview.Ihearhermovingsomethinginthehall,probablytomakeroomforthelongtrainofmydress.Andthat’swhenIseeit.
Theletteropener.
Alexanderdidn’ttakeitwithhimafterheknockeditoutofmyhandearlier.It’sstillonthefloor,half-hiddenbytheshadowofmybed.
Idon’tthinkorhesitate.Ilungeforit.
Bythetimemymomreappearsinthedoorway,herplacidsmilefirmlyinplace,theletteropeneristuckedunderthenecklineofmydress.
ThenexttimeIpullitonMikhail,therewillbenowarning.Hewon’tseeitcoming.
IhopetoGodithurts.35CORA
MikhailandAlexanderdidn’tusethelasthourtogetreadythewayIdid.WhenmymotherandIwalkintothesittingroom,thetwoofthemandathirdmanwhoIcanonlypresumeistheministerareloungingonthesofa.
Therearenocandlesorflowers.Noattempttoarrangethefurnitureintoanaisleorplaysomemusic.Mikhailisn’tevenwearingasuit.He’sinapairofdarkwashjeansandadarkgraybutton-down.Ilookridiculouslyoverdressedincomparison.
“Finally,”Alexandermumbles,risingtohisfeet.
Mikhailfollowssuit.Hekeepsahalf-stepbehindmystepfather,buthiseyesaregluedonme.
Ithoughttakingthetimetoputonthedresswouldgivemeachancetogetoutofthis.Instead,I’minevendeeper.ThereisnothinginMikhail’seyesthatmakesmebelieveIcanconvincehimheshouldn’ttouchmetonight.ItoldhimIwasgettingdressedfortheoccasion,andnow,hehassomeseriouslypervertedexpectations.
Hispaleeyesgodarkwithtwisteddesire.Finally,helooksaway.“Let’sgetthisoverwith.”
“Thewordseverybridedreamsofhearingonherweddingday,”Imutter.
Alexandergrabsmyarmandhaulsmetotheopenspaceinfrontofthefireplacehearth.ATVhangsonthewallaboveourheadswithaninfomercialforkitchenknivesonthescreen.Atleasttheyhadthedecencytoputitonmute.
Afewguardslingerinthehallway.Ihearmorepatrollingtheentryway.
Mikhailstepsintoplaceacrossfromme.Hereachesformyhands,butIkeepthemflatatmysides.Iwon’trunscreamingfromtheroom,butI’mnotgoingtoholdhishandsandpretendthisisallhunky-fucking-dory.
“Whereisyourfather?”Iask.NotthatIcare.TheonlythingthatwouldmakethisalreadygloomyweddingevenworseisKonstantinSokolov’sappearance.
“Probablyinbed,”headmits.“He’smoreinterestedintheoutcomethanthedestination.I’llfillhiminlater.”
“Okay.We’vegotabride,agroom,aminister,andwitnesses,”Alexandersays.Hesnapsatthethirdman.“Let’sgetonwithit.”
Theministerisamiddle-agedmanwithdarkcirclesunderhiseyesandwhatlookstobeatattoopeekingoutofthecollarofhisneck.Helookslikeexactlythekindofpersonwhowouldperformamiddleofthenightweddingceremonywithanunwillingbrideandthenhopovertohis4AMappointmentofharvestingblackmarketkidneys.
Heopensabookandbeginsreading.“Welcome.Wearegatheredheretodaytojoin—”
“Moveon,”Alexanderbarks.
Themannodsandskipsapage.“Loveisthejoiningof—”
“Nope.”Alexandercircleshisfingerintheair.“Skipthatshit.Gettothemeat.”
Theofficiantlooksflusteredasheskipsaheadevenmore.ThenhelooksupatAlexander,aquestioninhiseyesashecontinues.“Doyou,Mikhail,takeCordeliatobeyourlawfullyweddedwife?”
Mikhaillooksintomyeyes,hischinraised.“Ido.”
Holyshit.Itfeelsimpossiblethatthisishappening.ShouldIstabhimnow?Ifeelthetipoftheletteropenerpressedagainstthespotabovemyheart.Ifitstartsbeatinganyfaster,Imightaccidentallyimpalemyselffirst.
Therearetoomanypeople.Alexanderisstandingbehindme,probablytomakesurehecansneakattackmeifItrytofight.Plustheguardsoutsidetheroom.Theycanbehereinasecond.
It’shappening.
AndIdon’tseeawayout.
Theofficiantclearshisthroatandturnstome.“Anddoyou,Cordelia,takeMikhailtobeyourlawfullyweddedhusband?”
No.Hellno.
Thewordsringinmyheadloudandclear,butmymouthstaysclosed.IstareatMikhail,silentlybeggingforhimandtherestofthissituationtojustdisappear.
Buthedoesn’t.
“Comeon,Cordelia,”Alexanderwhispers.Hiswordshissagainstthebackofmyear.“Don’tleaveusinsuspense.”
Thisisit.
Thereisnowayout.
Idon’thaveachoice.
IsqueezemyeyesclosedandsweartomyselfthatI’llbefreeagain…oneday.
ThenIopenmyeyesandmeetthegazeofthemonsterI’mbeingforcedtomarry.“I—”
BeforeIcanfinish,thegroundquakesandtheFrenchdoorsbehindusrainglass.36IVAN
TheexplosionisbiggerthanIexpected
Ipeekovertheconcretehalf-wallItookcoverbehindandseethedoubledoorsfromthepatiotothehousearenowblownout.AlexanderMcAllisterislookingintohisbackyardtothesmolderingmotorcyclepartslayinginhissingedgrass.
“Roosterreallyknowshowtorigabomb,”Yasharemarks.
“Ihopehecanfighthalfaswell,”IaddasMcAllister’ssecurityguardsfloodthebackyard.
Icatchaglimpseofwhitethroughtheshattereddoorframe.IsthatCora?Idon’thavetimetofindoutbeforeYashaandIaresurroundedbyguards.
Yashatakesoutaguardinfrontofhimwithasingleshottothehead.Thenheducks,landsablowtoanotherguard’sstomach,andpresseshisguntotheman’sneck.
Themeninfrontofmehesitate,wonderingwhethertheyshouldfocusonmeorhelptheircolleagues.Iquicklysolvethedilemmaforthem.Ifiretwoweaponsatonce,bringingbothmentotheirknees.
“Keepmoving.I’llfinishthem,”Yashabarks.
Somuchforsneakinginandoutwithoutbloodshed.
WecarveapathtothebackofAlexander’shouse.RoosterhasateamwatchingthefrontofthehousetomakesureMikhailcan’tescapewithCoraandIhavemyowncontingentflankingthesidesoftheproperty.
MyonlygoalistogetinsideandfindCora.
Buttherearemoreguardsthanwebargainedforandthegoingisslow.Luckily,theyaren’theavilyarmed.Theyprobablydidn’texpectmuchofafightinthemiddleofthenight.
Thatwastheirmistake.
Ifirewildlytokeepthematbay.Onebyone,theystarttotoppleanddie.
Distantly,Ihearanotherloudboom.RollingthemotorcyclebombintoAlexander’sbackyardhadbeenRooster’sidea.Themanwaspracticallygiddywhenhesuggestedit.
“I’vebeenwaitingforanopportunitytousemyinvention,”hesaid.“Thisisit.Letmetry.”
WhenIagreed,hiswife,Legs,rolledhereyes.“Iswear,hewon’tbehappyuntilhediesinafieryblaze.”
BasedonthewhoopofcelebrationIhearcomingfromthefrontofthehouse,sheisn’tsofaroff.
Anewwaveofguardscomesprintingaroundthesideofthehouse.IhearYashacursebehindme.Thismightreallybeit.Wecan’tfightallofthesemenalone.
ThenIrealizewhytheyarerunning.
Amotorcycleengineroarsaroundthehouse,andIseeRoosterdrivingwhileLegssitsbehindhimholding…holyshit,she’sthrowingMolotovcocktails.Behindthem,aguardisrollinginthegrasstoputouttheflamesengulfinghisbody.
“Theyarefuckingcrazy,”Yashalaughs.He’spantingandbloody,buthepushesmetowardsthepatio.“Gogetyourgirl.We’vegotitouthere.”
Hedoesn’tneedtotellmetwice.
IsprintforthepatioandthenslowdownasIapproachtheblown-outdoors.Wehavetheexteriorhandled,butwhat’sgoingoninsideisamystery.ThemaidIhiredasaspywasfiredfortryingtogainaccesstotheinteriorcameras.MikhailcouldbeholdingCorahostage.Maybeshe’salready…
No.
I’mgoingtofindher.Alive.
Istepthroughthedoorgunfirst.Glasscrunchesundermyboot.It’swildhowmuchquieteritisinside.IcanstillhearLegsscreamingandthewhineofthemotorcycle,butit’smuffledandfaraway.Mysenseshavenarrowedinonthespaceinfrontofme.Ontheonlygoalthatmatters.
ThenIseeit.
Aglimpseofwhitelacefrombehindthesofa.
“Cora.”Ispeakhernamewithoutthinking.It’sareflex.She’shere.She’smoving.
Shepeeksaroundthebackofthecouch,eyeswide.“Ivan?”
It’sreallyher.She’salive.She’shere.Ihaveher.
Thenhervoicecracks.“Ivan,watch—”
Aguardjumpsinfrontofmewithabattlecry,cuttingoffCora’swarning.
Heisn’tlargeorparticularlyskilled,buthehastheadvantageofsurprise.Ishouldhaveclearedtheroomfirst,butIwassosetongettingtoher.
Now,heistoocloseformetosafelytakeashot.EspeciallywithCoraintheroom.Ihaven’tcomethisfarjusttolethergettakenoutbyastraybullet.
Themanchargesmebackintothefireplace.Thehardedgeofthestonecutsintomyspine.
Iusethemomenttoholstermysecondgun,freeinguponehand.ThenIlaunchmyselfatthemudak.
Hefocusesonsecuringmygunhand,holdingitbackabovemyheadwhileIkickoutathim.TheheelofmybootconnectswithhisribsandIhearasatisfyingcrack.Hecriesoutandtwistsmywrist.Painflares,butI’mabletogetoutofhisholdbeforeanythingisbroken,spinningaroundsoIcandriveakneeintohisstomach.
Hegroansanddrapesaheavyarmaroundmyback.Wegrapplewitheachother,jockeyingforcontrol.Twice,Icouldshoothim,butknowingCoraisrightbehindkeepsmytriggerfingersteady.Iwon’triskhurtingher.
Notwhenwe’rethisfuckingclosetotheend.
Finally,Igetthemanbackonthecouch,buthestillhasmybodypinnedinwithhisarm.Ihavetheupperhand,butonlybarely.AndifIdon’tgetCoraoutofheresoon,there’snotellingwhatcouldhappentothebattleoutside.Moreguardscouldbeinthisroomanysecondandthatwouldbeit.Gameover.
Iroaranddriveanelbowdownintotheman’sthroat.Hegaspsandstartstochoke,buthisgripdoesn’tloosen.Ifanything,ittightens.Heholdsmeharder,strugglingforair.
Justashestartstobreathenormallyagain,anangelrisesoverhisrightshoulder.Idon’tevenhavetimetolookupbeforethere’saflashofwhite…andthenawoodenhandleisprotrudingfromtheguard’sneck.
Hiseyesgowide.Thentheygoblank.Then,pulsebypulse,theyclose.
Bloodpoursfromthewound,stainingthebeigesofabeneathhim.Whenhefinallyletsmego,I’mnotwillingtotakeanychances.Ipresstheguntohisforeheadandpullthetriggertoputthisdogdownforever.
OnlywhenhiseyesrollbackinhisheadandhislimbsgolimpdoIfinallylookup.
Coraisstandingnexttothecouch,herhairfallingaroundherfaceandbloodsplatteredonherdress.
“Beautiful,”Ibreathe.“You’refuckingbeautiful.”
Sheblinksandthenlooksdownatherself.Hermouthtipsintoahalf-smilethatwobblesanddisappearsagain.She’sproud,terrified,stunned—toomanythingsatonce.Icrossthedistancebetweenusinonestepandhaulherintomyarms.
Ineedherweightagainstmychest.Herbreathagainstmyneck.Ineedtoholdherandconvincemyselfthatthisisreal.Sheiswithme.
“Timetogetyouhome.”
Shecan’tevenspeak.Shejustnestlesherheadintothesideofmyneckandnods.
So,withherbloodstainedveildraggingonthefloorbehindus,IcarryCoraoutofAlexanderMcAllister’shouseandintothenight.37IVAN
Thefrontofthehouseisclearedout.Asidefromtwocarsburninginthedriveway,thereisnoonetostopCoraandmefromclimbinginmycarandpeelingout.
IcallYashatheminutewe’rethroughthegates.“Getoutofthereasfastasyoucan,”Itellhim.“IhaveCora.We’regone.”
“We’reworkingonit.”Ihearfaintyellingandcommotionbehindhim,butit’squieterthanIwouldhaveexpected.“Mikhailmusthavecalledoffhisguards.Eitherthatortheyabandonedhim.”
CoracanhearYashaonthespeakerphoneandsheleansforward.“MikhailandAlexanderbothdisappearedthesecondthedoorsexploded,”sheexplains.“Theyleftmewithaguard,butIthinktheywentintoapanicroomortookanotherexitorsomething.Idon’tthinktheywantedmetoseewheretheyweregoing.”
“Iwouldn’tbesurprised,”IsaytobothherandYasha.“Oneitheraccount.They’reallfuckingcowards.”
“Yeah,butifthosecowardsdidescape,they’llbecomingstraightforthemansion,”Yashawarns.
“I’lltakeCorasomewhereelseuntilthingssettle.”
“Copythat.Seeyouontheotherside,brother.”
Thelinegoesdeadandthecarisoddlysilent.Especiallyafterthechaosofthelast…shit,howlonghasitevenbeen?Thirtyminutes?Anhour?Mysenseoftimeiswarped.IhavenoideahowmuchtimehaspassedsinceIfirstheardCora’sscreamthroughthenecklace.
“Areyouokay?”Iask.
Shelooksdowninherlap.Herhandsarefoldedtogetherandthere’sbloodalloverherknuckles.“Inthelastcouplehours,Iwaswokenupinthemiddleofthenight,forcedtogetmarried,survivedanexplosion,andkilledaman.SafetosayI’vehadbetterdays.”
Coratakesadeepbreathandturnstothewindow.
Forafewquietminutes,wejustdrive.Streetlightsilluminatethecarinred,yellow,andgreen.Peoplelivingverydifferentliveswalkdownsidewalkswiththeirfriends.
Ifthingshadbeendifferent,Coracouldbewiththem.Shecouldhavebeenoutthere,justanormalgirl.Iwanttoaskifshe’sthinkingthesamething,butshe’sclammedupwithshock.Theonlythingthatwillfixthatistime.EventhoughIwanttoscrubitallawayfromher.Totakethepainmyself.
Ican’t.Ijusthavetofuckingwait.
Suddenly,shesitsup.“Thisisn’tthewaytothemansion.Whereareyoutakingme?”
“Myoldpenthouseinthecity.It’swhereIlivedbeforemyfatherhandedthemansionovertome.”
Sheturnstome.Idon’tlookather,buteveninmyperipherals,she’stoomuch.Hersoftcurvesandstrawberries-and-creamscent.Beingthisclosetoherafterlivingwithoutisintoxicating.It’safuckingmiracleIcanevendrivestraight.
“You’llbesafethere,”Ivow.“Iwon’tletanythinghappentoyou.”
Shesettlesbackintothepassengerseatandthetensionconsumesusonceagain.
***
IleadCorainsideandboltthedoorbehindus.
“There’sasecurityteamdownstairsmonitoringeverything.”Ipointtothewallofwindowsoppositeus.“Andthatisbulletproofglass.Justincaseashooterclimbstwenty-fivefloors.”
Sheblinksatme,hergreeneyestakinginmyexpressionforamomentbeforeshequicklyturnsaway.
Again,thesensethatsomethingiswronggnawsatme.Somethingbeyondthefactthatsheiswearingabloodstainedweddinggownfromaceremonywithanotherman.
Whichisfuckinginfuriatinginitsownright.
Iturnontheelectricfireplaceinthesittingroom.Flameslickacrossthescreenandheatimmediatelyblowsoutofarecessedvent.
Shelooksfromthefireplacetothecouchandhesitatesinthemiddleoftheroom.Thathesitation,thatfear—thatripsmeapartinside.Iwanttoreachoutandsmooththewrinkleinherforehead.IwanttoriptheweddingdressoffofherandwashawayeverytraceofwhatMikhailandAlexanderdidtoher.
Butthisshitisafragilesituation.Whatshedid,whatshehaddonetoher…Pushinghertoofarnowmightruinwhat’sleftofherspirit.
Soasmuchasitagonizesme,Ineedtokeepmydistance.
Fornow.
“There’saguestroomifyouwantit,”Irasp.Myheartthrobsuncomfortablyinmychest.“I’llshowyou.”
Ileadherdownthehallway.Whenwepassthemaster,Iduckinandgrabherapairofshortsandat-shirt,thenkeepgoingtothenextbedroomover.It’sonlytenstepsawayfrommine,butitmightaswellbeamile.Alightyear.Idon’tknowhowI’msupposedtosleepwithhersofuckingclose,yetsoimpossiblyfaraway.
WhenIletmyselfimaginesavingCora,itwentsodifferently.Wereunitedlikewedidinthebathroomattherestaurant.Inatangleoflipsandlimbs,clawingateachothertogetcloser.
ButthisCoralookslikeaghostinfrontofme.Hereyesarevacantandherskinispale.Shelookslikeshe’sbarelystayingonherfeet.
Shetiptoesintotheroom,herheadswivelingfromsidetosideasshetakesineverycorner.She’sscanningforthreats.
“You’resafeinhere.”
Shejumpsatthesoundofmyvoiceandthenflushes.“Iknow.”
I’mnotsureshedoes.
“I’llfindsomethingtoeatwhileyouchange,”Isay,backingtowardsthedoor.“Youcansleepifyouwantorcomeandjoinme.It’suptoyou.”
Shechewsonherlowerlipandnods.“Thanks.”
Iclosethedoorandlingerthere,myhandrestingagainstthewood.I’mgoingtoeviscerateAlexanderandMikhailandtheentireSokolovfamilyforwhattheydidtoCora.
Sighing,Iputtheviolentthoughtasideandstarttowalktowardthekitchen.I’mhalfwaytherewhenIhearayelp.Idon’thesitateforevenafractionofasecond—IjustspinaroundandchargerightbackintoCora’sroom,readytowreakhavoconwhichevermudakwasstupidenoughtofollowushereand—
Butthere’snooneelseinthereasidefromCora.
Shelookslikeshe’sfightingghosts.Gruntingandcursing,bangingintothedresserandthecornerofthebed.
“Ican’tgetitoff!”shegasps.Herarmsarebentbehindher,herfingersworkingfranticallyatthestuckzipperinthecenterofherback.“It’s—Thestupidthingisstuck.Ican’t…Itwon’tcomeoff.Ivan,itwon’t—”
Icrosstheroomintwostridesandpeelherhandsoffofthegarment.“Takeadeepbreath,Cora.”Iholdherfaceandforcehereyestomine.“I’mherewithyou.You’reokay.”
Hergreeneyesgoglassy.“Getmeoutofit,Ivan.Please.”
Mygazedropstothematerial.Icouldundoitonehookatatime.Unraveltheknots.Teaseopenthelaces.
OrIcouldjustripittofuckingshreds.
IgowithOptionB.
Seizingafistfulofthiscursedfuckingfabricineachhand,Isnarlandtearitapart.Stitchespopandexplode.
I’mtearingitapartforher,butit’salsoforme.Corawaswearingthisweddingdressforanotherman.Idon’tjustwanttotearitoffofher;Iwanttoburnittoashes.
Idon’tstopuntilit’sflutteringinscrapsaroundherlikewhitepetals.It’saneerieechoofthenightwemet,whenshestoodsurroundedbyaverydifferentkindofruineddress.
Herarmsarefoldedoverherbarebreastswhensheturnstome.Coloriscomingbackintoherface,turninghercheeksadeliciousshadeofpink.Ihavetofightnottodrinkineverygorgeousinchofher.
Nowisn’tthetime.
Thisisn’twhatsheneeds.
ButI’mabouttogoinsanewithhowbadIwanther.Iwanttoreclaimherfromheadtotoe.Withkisses,withlipandtongueandfingersandbreath.Iwanttomakeherfeelsafeagain.Wholeagain.Tocomeundoneinmyarmsagain.She’ssocloseandit’dbesoeasytoreachoutanddragherintobedwithme…
Time.Givehertime.Sheneedstime.
“Youshouldgetdressed.”
Igrabtheshirtfromthecornerofthebedandunfolditforher.ShekeepsherhandsoverherchestwhileIslidewhatmightaswellbeatwo-persontentoverherhead.Thehemsettlesmidwaydownherthighsand,whenshestretchesherarmsthroughtheholes,thesleeveshitwellpastherelbows.
Iforcemyselftotakeastepback.“I’llletyougetsomesleep.I’msureyou’retired.”
Thedecisionhasalreadybeenmade:Coraneedstoleavemylife.Ineedtogetherfarawayfromthiscityandthisworld…fromme.Blurringthatlinetonightwillonlymakethingsharder.
Maybethisisforthebest.
Iswallowdownthedesirelodgedinmythroatandturnforthedoor.
Cora’svoicestopsme.“I’malive.”
Ifrownandlookovermyshoulder.
“I’malive,”sherepeats.“Andwe’rehere.Together.”
Idon’tneedthereminder.Iknowdowntothecentimeterhowclosesheis:very.Howlongitwouldtakeformetospanthegap:notimeatall.
“AndIdon’twanttosleep,”sheaddssoftly.
Iturnaroundfullynow.Coraisstandingmuchcloser.Tooclose.CloseenoughthatallI’dhavetodoisreachoutandshecouldbeinmyarms.
Ifistmyhandsatmysides.“Whatdoyouwant,Cora?”
Shegrabsthefrontofmyshirtinherfistsandgentlypressesherbodyagainstmine.“Iwantyoutomakemefeellikeeverythingisgoingtobeokay.”38CORA
Heatpoursoutofhim,soakingthroughthethinmaterialofthewornt-shirthedressedmein.Iloosenmyholdonhisshirtandletmyfingernailsscratchoverthehardplanesofhisbody.
“No.”Ivanshakeshisheadandgrabsmywrists.Heputsdistancebetweenus.“Nottonight.”
Iblinkupathim.“Don’tyou—?Ithoughtyouwanted—”
“You’retraumatized.I’mnotgoingtotakeadvantageofyouaftereverythingyou’vebeenthrough.”Hebiteshislip.“Youhave—God,youhavenofuckingideahowmuchIwant…ButI’mnotgoingtofuckitup.”
Hiseyesarestormyashestudiesme.Ivanwantsthis,too.Iknowhedoes.
“IknowwhatIwant,”Itellhim.“ButIalsoknowwhatit’sliketobeforced.Iwon’tdothattoyou.Ifyoudon’twantme,then—”
ThewordsdieinmythroatasIvanspinsmebackagainstthewall.Heplacesafingerundermychinandforcesmyfaceuptohis.Hisbreathishotandheavyagainstmyskin.
Foramoment,we’rebackintheshadowsofhisoffice.It’sthenightwefirstmet,butthistimeIknowit’snotjustafling.Icanseeeverythingwaitingaheadforus.
I’ddoitalloveragainjusttoendupherewithhim.
Helowershisfacetomine,ourforeheadspressedtogether.“OfcourseIwantyou,Cora,”hegrowls.“Ihavealwayswantedyou.”
Icurlmyhandaroundhiswrist.“Youdon’tscareme,Ivan.I’mnottraumatized.Notwithyou.Notwiththis.”
Ibrushmylipsoverhisjaw.Everypartofhimisclenchedandstraining.
“Youdon’thavetoholdyourselfbackwithme,”Iwhisper.“Whateveryouwanttogiveme,Icantake.”
Ivancomesaliveinaninstant.
Hegripsmyhipsandwrapsmearoundhiswaist.Hisharderectionpressesagainstmybelly.Hesqueezesmycheeksasheclaimsmymouthwithhis.It’sahotflashatfirst,oneburningsecondofneed.Thenhesettlesandslows.Gentle.Tenderandthorough.
It’sluxurious,thiskissing.There’snorush,he’stellingme.I’mgoingtotakemytimewithyou.
Hecarriesmeovertothebedandlaysmedownonmyback.“Stayput,”hesays,droppingtohisknees.“IhaveyouexactlywhereIwantyou.”
Hepusheshisshirtupmythighsandtrailskissesupthesensitiveinsidesofmylegs.Theexhaleisenoughtosendgoosebumpsracingacrossmyskin.
IwanttotellIvanhedoesn’thavetodothis.Theotherdayintherestaurantbathroom,thatwasenough.It’shisturn.
Butthewayhesettlesbetweenmylegsandsighskeepsmequiet.Hewantsthis
Hewantsme.
Hestartsslowly,flickinghistongueagainstmyslit,teasingmeopen.Buttherestraintdoesn’tlastlong.Partofitismyfault—Ican’tstopmyselffromworkingmyfingersintohishairandholdinghimfastagainstme.
Imoanasheexploresme.Theflatofhistongueappliestoe-curlingpressureandhislipssuctionaroundmyclit.
Embarrassinglyfast,Iclampmylegsaroundhisearsandgrindagainsthismouth.IchaseandchaseandchaseuntilIflopbackonthemattressandabsolutelyfallapart.
“Ohmygod,”Igasp.“Thatwas—”
“ThatwasonlyafractionofwhatIintendtodotoyou.”
Hedragshistongueupthecenterofmystomach.Igrabhisfaceandtrytobringhimtomymouth,butIvanwranglesmebackontothebedandpinsmedownwithastrongarm.
Hegrabsmyhipsandfillsmeinoneslow,steadythrust.
“Ohmy…”Ihookmylegsbehindhisbackwhilemybodyadjusts.“Ivan.”
Agrowlrumblesthroughhischest.“Youfeelsofuckinggood,solnishka.”
Heletshishandsroamovermystomachandmychest.Hepalmsmybreastsandcirclesthepointedpeaksofmynipplesallwhilehethrustsintomeagainandagain.
“Idon’twantthistoeverend.Iwanttostayhereforever.Iwantyouinsideofmefortherestofmylife.”
“Youcan’ttalktomelikethat,Cora.”Hisvoiceisstrained.
Hisjawclenchesandsomethingdangerousflashesinhiseyes.Thenheslowly,soslowlyslidesoutofme…andslamsbackin.
Iarchupthebedfromtheforce,butIvanbringsmerightbackanddoesitagain.Andagain.
Iclingtohim,wrappingmylegsaroundhishipsandmyarmsaroundhisneck.Imeethisthrustshalfwayandwhisperbreathynothingsinhisear.
Unlikethefirstorgasm,thisonecrashesovermesuddenly.Thereisnobuild—justasuddendropintoblissfuloblivion.
“Fuck,fuck,fuck.”Ikisshisneckandhisface.IdevoureveryinchofhimIcanreachuntilthepulsinginmeslows.“Ivan,thatwas—”
IvanflipsmeontomystomachbeforeIcanfinishthesentenceandhaulsmyhipsup.Hefillsmewithonethrust.
HefillsmeagainandagainandIgladlytakeit.Ilowerontomyelbowsandarchmyhipshigher.
ThereisnowayIcanpossiblyclimaxagain,butIdon’tcare.I’mhappytobeusedbyhim.I’mmorethancontentjusttotouchhim.
ThenIvanslipsahandaroundmyhipandfindsmycenter.IwassosureIwasfinishedforthenight,butallofthesudden—
“I’mcoming.Ican’tbelieveI’m…Fuck,Ivan,I’mcoming.”
HeroarsasmybodysqueezesaroundhimandIknowhe’sclose,too.ButIcan’tholdmyselfuplongenoughtohelphimfinish.Icollapsetothemattressandhesmoothshishandupanddownmyspine.
Ipeekovermyshoulderathim.He’ssilhouettedbythebedsidetable,agoldenhaloringinghisdarkhair.Thenherollsmeontomyside.Hisbodycurlsaroundmeeasily,likeweweremadeforthis.Hesettlesbehindmeandslidesbackintenderly,nestlingsodeeplyinsidethatIcan’ttellwhereheendsandIbegin.Icanfeelhisheartthundering,matchingpacewithmine.
Somehow,thisisdifferentfromthesexbefore.It’sslowandsensual.It’speaceful.
It’shome.
“Cora,”Ivanmoans.Hislipswhispermynameagainstmyshoulderbladeagainandagain.Untilhisbreathcatchesandhespillsintome.39IVAN
Itriedtobecareful.Ifuckingtriedtogoslowandbegentle.Buthavingherclose,smellingher,tastingher—itwastoomuch.
DidIpushhertoofar?Isshehurt?
Fuckinghell,Ishouldhavesentherawayimmediately.ThemomentweleftAlexanderMcAllister’s,Ishouldhavedrivenhertotheairport.Sheisn’tsafeinmylife.Sheisn’tsafewithme.Notwhenbeingnearherturnsmethisferal.
Thenshelooksbackatme.Justalittlepeekoverhershoulder…
AndIknow,ifshekeepslookingatmelikethat,there’snogoddamnwayIcaneverlethergo.
That’swhyIturnedheraroundandfinishedinherfrombehind.Becausethoseeyeswillbethedeathofme.Worseyet,they’llbethedeathofher.
Ifshestaysinmyworld,she’lldie.Onewayoranother,I’llloseher.
Atleast,ifIsendheraway,shelives
Whenit’sover,Corarollstofaceme.“Thankyouforsavingme.”
“You’retheonewhostabbedthatmotherfuckerintheneck.Yousavedyourself.”
Sheshakesherhead.“No.No,I—Yougavemehope.Withthephonecallthatshowedmeyouweren’tanenemy.Thebathroom.Thetexting.Thenecklace.Everythingyoudidwasalittlerayoflight.Ineededallofit.”
“Anythingforyou,”Iwhisperback.“I’llalwaysbethereforyou.”
It’salie.Or,itshouldbe.
Tomorrow,I’mgoingtolethergo.
Tomorrow,I’mgoingtosetherfree.
Butfortonight,letmelie.
Coranestlesherheadagainstmychestandcloseshereyes.Herbreathingslowsandevensoutquickly,butIdon’tletgo.Iholdherwhileshe’sasleep,delayingthemomentIhavetolethergoforaslongasIcan.
Butdawncomestooquickly.Birdssingoutsidethewindow.Thesuncutsthroughtheshades.Timemarchesonandrealityinvadesdreams.
Gently,IdisentanglemyselffromCoralimbbylimb.AsIgo,Itakemyheartwithme.
Ourtimetogetherisdone.Soon,she’llunderstandwhyithadtobethatway.40CORA
IsmellhimbeforeIopenmyeyes.Woodsy,musky,pureIvan.Irolloverandswipeanarmacrossthesilkysoftsheets…
Butheisn’tthere.
Thebediscold.
Slowly,Ipeelmyeyesopen.Goldenmorninglightstreamsthroughthewhitecurtains.Theroomlookslikeadream.
Butifthiswasadream,Ivanwouldbehere.
“Ivan?”Myvoiceisraspy.Itugthesheetaroundmynakedbodyandsitup.“Ivan?”
Hestepssilentlyintothedoorway.There’salookinhisfaceIcan’tfigureout.Somethingunsettled.Raw.
“Iseverythingokay?”Iask.
Waslastnightnotgoodforhim?Icameoverandoverandoveragain.MoretimesthanIthoughtwashumanlypossible.I’mstillbuzzingwiththeafterglow.
“Fine.”Hismouthturnsupwards,butthemaskdoesn’treachhiseyes.“Youshouldgetup.Wehavealottodo.”
Ipullthesheetuptomycollarbone.IwishIwasdressedrightnow.Ifeelfartoovulnerable.“Likewhat?”
“Youcanchangeintothese.”Ivanlaysabundleofclothesonthedressernexttothedoor.Ididn’tevenrealizehewasholdinganything.
“Why?”Isigh.“Imean,IknowwhyIneedclothes.It’snotlikeIcanwalkaroundnakedallday.”
ExceptIcould.Ifhewanted.AllitwouldtakeisonelookfromhimandI’dstayinthisbedallday.Allweek.Fortherestoftime.
“Whatdowehavetodo?”Iaskagain.
“IspoketoYashathismorningandeverythinghasbeenquietasfarastheSokolovsandyourstepfatherareconcerned.Wefigurethisisthebesttimetogetyououtofthecity.”
Ittakesafewsecondsforhiswordstosinkin.Iblinkathimwhilemybrainbuffers.
“We’releaving?”
Ivan’sexpressionhardens.Hisjawclenchesandhisgazeshiftsfromabovemyshouldertotheoppositewall.“Youare.Assoonaspossible.”
“Forhowlong?”
“Forever.”
Thewordisfinite.Immovable.Init,Ihearwhathe’sactuallysaying:goodbye.
“WhatifIdon’twanttogo?”
“Thiswasyourplan,”hesays.“IsawtheproandconlistyoumadewhileyouwerestayingatJorden’shouse.Youtwowereplanningtoleave.Youweregoingtorunoffandstartoversomewherenew.”
ItwasonlylastweekthatJordenandIsatinhersmallkitchenandmadethatlist,butitfeelslikealifetimeago.Iwasadifferentpersonlivinginadifferentworld.OneIthoughtIcouldcontrol.Now,theideathatIcouldboildowneverythingaboutmyrelationshipwithIvanintoafewproandconitemsislaughable.Asifit’snotinfinitelymorecomplexthanthat.
“Thatwasbefore—”
“Iknow.Sonow,youhaveevenmorereasontoleave.”
“ThatwasbeforeIrealizedIwaswrongaboutyou,”Ifinish.
Hismouthworkssidetoside.Thenhepicksuptheclothesfromthedresserandtossesthemontothebednexttome.“Thishasnothingtodowithme.Youcan’tstayhere.YouknewthatbeforeandI’llremindyouifIhaveto.It’snotsafe,Cora.”
“Nowhereissafe.”
“Ifit’saboutmoney,I’llmakesureyou’retakencareof,”hecontinuesasifhecan’thearme.“ItoldyouI’dpayyouforyourtimeandIwill.I’llincludethelastweekandgiveyouovertime.You’veearnedit.”
“Thisisn’taboutmoney!Idon’tcareaboutmoney.Icareabout—”
“Ihaveaprivatejetwaitingforyou,”heplowsahead.“Therearegoingtobeseveraldifferentlegsofthetriptoshakeanyonewhomightbetailingyou.Itwillbealotoftravel,soIorderedyousomeclothesandgotasuitcasepacked.Allyouneedtodoisgetdressedandthenwecan—”
“No!”
It’shardtofeelpowerfulandincontrolwhenI’mwearingnothingbutabedsheet,butIdomybest.Istandup,handpressedtomychesttokeepmyselfcovered,andliftmychin.
Forhalfasecond—maybeevenless—IconsiderjustlisteningtoIvan.
Maybestartingoverfreshwouldbeagoodidea.It’swhatJordenandIdecidedonoriginally.Onemancan’tpossiblychangemyplansthatmuch,right?
Ilookathimnow.Hisstubbledjaw.Thetraceofbruisesonhischeeks.Thescratchesandscrapesonhisforeheadfromshrapnelandfightinglastnight.Fightingthathedidforme.Torescueme.
“Youcan’tforcemeout,”Isay.“Ihaveachoicehere,don’tI?It’sfinallymyturntodecidemyfuture.IdeservethelifeIwant.”Ijabafingerintomychest.“ThelifeIwant.Nottheoneyoudecideforme.”
Hedragsafrustratedhandthroughhishair.“I’mmakingadecisionthatgivesyoualife.I’mhelpingyousurvive.”
ItakeadeepbreathandlookIvandirectlyinhiseyes.“Idon’twanttobesafesomewherefaraway.Iwanttobeherewithyou.Iloveyou,Ivan,”Iwhisper.“Iloveyouwhetheryoulovemebackornot.”
“Youcan’tbefuckingserious.”
I’mnotsurewhattosaytothat—whichworksoutnicely,becauseIvandoesn’tgivemetheopportunity.
“‘WhetherIloveyouornot.’”Hescoffs.“WouldIhavedoneanythingI’vedoneinthelastcoupleweeksunlessIlovedyou?”
It’smyturntofrown.“Um…Idon’t—”
“WhywouldIallowawomanasdisgustingandvileasFranciaintomyhouseunlessitwastosavethelifeofthewomanIlove?WhywouldIhaveriskedmyselfandmymenrescuingyoulastnightifIdidn’tloveyou?”
Witheveryquestion,hetakesasteptowardsme,closingthegapbetweenus.
“DoyouthinklastnightcouldhavehappenedwithsomeoneIwasn’theadoverfuckingheelsinlovewith?”hesnarls.“Imean,forfuck’ssake,Cora…Thatdoesn’thappenforjustanybody.”
He’scloseenoughnowthatallittakesisonestepformetobepressedagainsthischest.Formycheektolandoverhisracingheart.
Hestrokesfingertipsthroughmytangledhair.“OfcourseIloveyou,Cora.Thatwasneveraquestion.Thereisn’tanyoneelse.Thereneverwillbe.”41IVAN
Coraisafuckingangel.
She’swearingalongfloralsundressthatAnyasentoverforher.I’veconsideredpullingthecarovertwicetofuckherabsolutelysillybeforeweevenmadeittothehouse.
Throughsheerforceofwillalone,Imademyselfwaitsowecoulddoitinbedforonce—except,assoonaswereachtheporch,Yashaburststhroughthefrontdoortomeetus.
“Sogoodtoseeyouagain,Cora.Really.Gladyou’reback.”Thenheturnstome.“Goodtoseeyou,too,brother.Butthere’ssomethingyoushouldknowbeforeyougointhere.”
Instinctively,IshiftCorabehindme.“Tellmenow.”
“It’sfine.Thehouseissecure.NeithertheSokolovsnorCora’sfamilyhavemadeanymovestocontactusoranyoneelseinthehouse.”
Ifrown.“Okay.Thenwhatthefuckisthisabout?”
I’mgettingimpatient.Ineedtochristeneverysurfaceofthemansion.AsexualexorcismtopurgeFrancia’sessencefromeverygoddamnnookandcranny.I’llfuckCorainthegarden,intheeighthguestbathroom,hangingfromthechandelier—it’llbelikeburningsagetogetridofthedemons.
“Theyhaven’tcontactedanyoneinthishouse,”herepeatswithemphasis.“Notawordalloflastnightorthismorning.”
Ittakesmeasecondbeforemyeyespopwide.“AreyoufuckingtellingmethatFranciaisstillinthere?”
CoragaspsasYashanods.
“Shehasnocluewhathappenedlastnight.”Hesmilesinwilddisbelief.“Aftertheattack,IfiguredMikhailwouldcallandwarnher.ButIgotbackhereandshewasstillinbed.Thenshewokeupthismorningand…businessasusual.”
“She’shere?”Corahisses.
“Whydidn’tyougetridofher?”Idemand.
Yashagivesmeashit-eatinggrin.“Ithoughtyoumightenjoythehonors.”
WhenIprocesswhathe’ssuggesting,mygrinspreadswidetomatchYasha’s.“Youthoughtright.”IturntoCora.“Staybehindme.”
IkissherhardandfastbeforeIstepintomyownhouse,slammingthedoorbehindustomakesurethesoundechoes.Corastaystuckedawaybetweenmeandapillarinthefoyer.
ItonlytakesafewsecondsbeforeIheartheclick-clackofheelsonthetile.Ormaybeit’sclovenhooves.Whocanreallysay?
“Whereinthehellhaveyoubeen?”Franciasnaps.
Hernostrilsareflaredinfrustrationandhertoplipiscurled.Sheisn’tattractiveonagooddayandtodayisnotagoodday.Notforher,atleast.
Fuck,Ican’twaituntilshe’soutofmyhouse.
“Iwentout.”
“Where?Forwhat?”Hereyesnarrow.“Whowereyouwith?”
“That’smybusiness.”
Sheshakesherhead.“Thatisnothowthisworks.Ifwearegoingtoliveinthishousetogether,Ihavetoknowsomethingaboutwhatyou’reupto.I’mnotgoingtobemarriedtoaghost.Plus,yousaidyouwouldn’tbeunfaithful.Youcan’ttouchanyoneelsewhilewe’retogether.”
“Luckily,”Isay,reachingbehindmetoturnthedoorknobslowly,“youandIaren’ttogether.Notanymore.”
Franciagoesdeathlystill.“That’sbadnewsforCorathen.Orhaveyouforgotten?Icontrolwhathappenstoher.”
Herthreatislifeless.Basedonthewayshe’sstaringatthefrontdoorandthewayherthroatbobs,IhaveafeelingFranciacanfeeltheshiftintheair,evenifshedoesn’tquiteknowityet.
“Isthatright?”Ismirk.Coraslinksoutfrombehindme.Ifeelabsolutelyfuckinggiddytohaveherrighthere.Thewarmthofherbodyalongmyarm,thetingleofawarenessthatsheisfinally,mercifullyclosetome…“Whatdoyouthink,Cora?DoesFranciahaveanycontroloveryou?”
“Notanymore,”Corasayswithsurprisingviciousness.
Hereyesgleamandherfistsknotup.It’shotashell,actually.
CorasqueezesmyhandasFranciatakesinthetwoofus.Shedigsfranticallyintoherpocketforherphone,butIcantellassoonasshelooksatthescreenthatthere’snothingthere.Nomissedcalls.Nomessages.
Hershoulderssagandshetakesanotherstepback.“Didyoukillthem?”Herchiniswobbling,butshe’sfightingbacktears.“Isthatwhytheydidn’tcall?”
“ItwouldalmostbebetterifIkilledthem.Thenyoucouldbelievetheyabandonedyoubecausetherewasnootherchoice.Butno,Ididn’t.AssoonasIshowedup,MikhailandAlexanderranlikecowardswithoutevenawordofwarningtoyou.Somuchforyour‘allies.’”
Shelooksevenpalerthanusual.Herlipsarewhiteandhereyesdartfromsidetoside,lookingforanescape.
FranciastaresatCoraforonebeat,two.Thensheturnstome.“Iassumeourdealisatanend.”
Isnort.“Fuckyes.Yourlifeisatanend,too.UnlessCoradecidestospareyou.”
IwalkedthroughthedoorwitheveryintentionofkillingFranciaforeverythingshe’dputmethroughinthelastweek.ButCoraisthevictim.IfeitherofusshoulddecidewhathappenstoFrancia,itshouldbeher.
Slowly,FranciashiftshergazebacktoCora.
“You’reinterestedinwhatIhavetosaynow?”Coraasks,asmileonherface.
“Iwon’tapologizeforwantingtolive.”
“Fine,”Corasnaps.“Don’t.ButdoapologizeforalmostkillingmeandJordenintheprocess.”
Francia’sthinlipssealtogether.Finally,sheexhales.“I’msorry.”
“That’scute.Tryagain.Thistime,onyourknees.”
“You’renotserious.”
Corapointsdownatthefloor.“Droptoyourkneesandbegmeforforgiveness,Francia.”
Holyhell,Ididn’tthinkitwaspossibletobemoreturnedonthanIwaslastnight,buthereitis.FranciathoughtCoracouldn’tbeaBratvawife,butlookathernow.Sheisruthless.
It’sincredible.
“WhatifIrefuse?”
“Thenyoudie,”Corasayssimply.“Yourcall.”
Francialooksatme,whichjustmakesmelaughoutloud.NeverinmylifehaveIbeenlookedatasthemoremercifuloftwooptions.
Ijustshrug.“I’ddoasshesays.”
Shewobblesbetweenasneerandasobasshegingerlylowersherselftoherknees.“Cora,I’msorryfor—”
“Closer.”Coracurlsafinger.“Ican’tquitehearyou.Crawlclosertome.”
Anotherpause.Anotherhopefulglanceinmydirection.Anotherabsolutefailuretofindanythingclosetosalvationthere.
So,withanothergrimace,Franciaslidesacrossthetileflooronherhandsandherknees,hergazefixedonthefloor.
“Lookatme,”Corabarks.
Francia’sfaceisburningwithshame.Hereyesshimmerwithtears.
I’mlovingeveryfuckingsecondofthis.
CoraholdsupahandtostopFranciaonceshe’scloseenough.“Good.Now,lookatmeandspeakclearly.”
FranciabendsherneckbacktolookupatCora.“I’msorry.”
“Forwhat?”
“For…forplanningtokidnapyou.”
“And?”
“AndmovingintothishousewithIvan,”shecontinues.
“And?”Coraprods.
“And…andI’msorryforkidnappingJorden,too?”
“Idon’tknow.Areyousorry?It’snotaQ&A;it’sanapology.”
“I’msorryforkidnappingJorden,”Franciastates.“I’msorryforeverythingIdidthathurtorupsetyou.”
Coralooksbackatme,asmallsmileplayingacrossherlips.“Wasthateverything,Ivan?”
IstepupbehindCora,herbackpressingfirmlytomyfront.I’msureshecanfeelmyhardnessagainstherlowerback.Ilickthecurveofherearandthenwhisper,“Makeherbeg.”
Corashivers,butit’ssubtle.Justforme.
“Whatdoyouwanttohappennow,Francia?”Coraasks.“WhatshouldIdowithyounext?”
Franciahasn’tlookedawayfromus.Shewastransfixedbyus.AtthesoundofCora’svoice,sheblinksandlooksbackdownatthefloor.“Iwanttolive.”
“Thenshowme.”
Shesitsbackonherheelsandshrugs.“How?I’monmyknees.Whatmoredoyou—”
“Showme!”Corasnaps.Hervoiceechoesoffthehighceilings.“Showmehowmuchyouwanttolive.Showmewhatyourlifeisworthtoyou.”
Forthefirsttime,Franciadoesn’tlookangry,shelooksscared.That’sbecausesheneversawwhatIsawinCora—herfireiswhatdrewmein.Franciaunderestimatedher.
Shedropsbackontoherhandsandkneesandcrawlscloser.Thenshelowersherforeheadtothefloor.“Pleasedon’tkillme,Cora.Iwanttolive.I’m…I’mbeggingyou.”Hervoicecracks.“Pleasedon’tkillme.”
Coralooksdownather,expressionicycold.“God,thatwaspathetic.WorsethanIthoughtitwouldbe.”
Franciastartstositup,butCoraquicklyputsherfootonFrancia’sshoulderandpinsherbacktothefloor.“Ididn’tsayyoucouldgetup.”
Franciayelpsbutthenfallsquietagain.
“Idon’twanttoeverseeyouagain,”Corasnarls.“Idon’tcarewhereyougo,butIsuggestyoumakeitfar—becauseifIdoeverseeyouagain,I’llkillyoumyself.”
Francianods.“Okay.Okay,I’lldisappear.”
Coraremovesherfoot.“Standup.”
Franciarises,unsteadyandafraid.Still,itisn’tenough.Shedeservesmorethanembarrassment.Shedeservespain.Lotsofit.WhatIwouldn’tgivetoletlooseonherand—
Suddenly,CorajerksoutofmygripandlandsapunchdirectlyinthecenterofFrancia’sface.There’sanastycrackingsoundandbloodspurtsdownherlip.
Franciascreamsandrecoilsback,bothhandsclampedoverhernose.Morebloodwellsbetweenherknuckles.
“Now,”Corasays,shakingoutherfist,“getoutofmyfuckinghouse,youpsychoticbitch!”
Evenaftertheblow,Franciadoesn’thesitate.Sheleavesatrailofspatteredblooddropletsassherunsaroundusanddisappearsthroughthefrontdoor.
Iturnandlookatmywoman.“Cora…”
“Sorryaboutthepowertrip.”Hercheeksarepinkandshechewsnervouslyonherlowerlip.“Ishouldhaveletyouhandlethat,butIjust…IgotsomadwhenIsawher.Iwantedtomakeherpay.”
IgrabCora’sshouldersandlookherinhereyes.“Cora,thatwasthesexiestfuckingthingIhaveeverseen.”Igrabherhandandplaceitoverthebulgeinmypants.“Ihaveneverbeenmoreturned-oninmylife.”
Hermouthtipsintoashysmileasherhandstrokesupanddownthelengthofmyzipper.“Nowwhat?”sheasks.
Ismirk.“Ihaveanidea.”42FRANCIA
Shethinkssheisbetterthanme.
ThatworthlessbitchthinksshedeservesthatlifemorethanIdo?JustbecauseIvaniswillingtoshowupandsaveheragainanda-fucking-gain?
She’dbenothingwithouthim.Theywouldbenothingwithoutme.I’mthereasontheymet.I’mthereasonthey’retogether.
AndIamgoingtobethereasontheyloseitall.
Thereisnocarwaitingformeoutside,soIwalkthroughthefrontgatesanddowntheroadforafewminutesbeforeIpulloutmyphone.
ThenIcalltheonlypersonlefttocall.
ItringsandringsandringsbeforeMikhailfinallyanswers.“What?”
“Funny.You’requestioningme,butI’mtheonewhodidn’tgetawarningaboutwhatwasgoingon.Icouldhavedied.”
“SocouldI,”hehissesback.“Webumpeduptheweddingonyouradvice,Francia.YoutoldusweneededtohurryandthatyouwouldkeepaneyeonIvan.”
“Ihaditongoodauthoritythathewasplanninganattack.”It’snotentirelytrue,butthefactherefusedtotouchmewasevidenceenoughthatsomethingwasup.HisloyaltytoCorawouldbesweetifitwasn’tsopathetic.
“Nexttime,detailswouldbenice!Like,‘Hey,Mikhail,Ivanisgoingtosendacrewofmotorcycle-ridingpyromaniacstotryandkillyouall.Justthoughtyoushouldknow.’Ialmostlostmyeyebrows.”
“Yeah,well,IjustgotsurprisedbyCoraandIvancominghometogether.Iwouldhavelovedtomissthatreunion.TheonlyreasonImadeitoutisbecauseI—”Ibeggedonmykneesinfrontofthemboth.Thememoryistoohorribletorepeat.Ishakemyheadandburyit.“Awarningwouldhavebeennicenexttime.”
“Therewon’tbeanexttime.Thisplanwentofftherailsasitis,Francia.Youdon’thaveanythinglefttoofferandwe’redonewith—”
“Ihaveplentymoretooffer.”
“Youshouldofferyourlife,”Mikhailsnaps.“That’sallyouhavelefttogiveme.Menaredeadbecauseofyourincompetence.Whyshouldyougettolive?”
“Evenmorewilldiewithoutme.Maybeevenyou,Mikhail.”
There’salongpause.Hecouldbetakingalongtimetothinkitover,butIdoubtit.Alexanderisprobablythere,too,listeningin.I’msurethey’relookingateachother,silentlygoingbackandforthonwhattodowithme.GodforbidMikhailmakeasinglefuckingdecisiononhisown.
Inthatway,heandCoraareperfectforeachother.Neitherofthemcantakecareofthemselves.Neitherofthemknowshowtosurvive.
NotthewayIdo.
“Well?”Ipress.
“Whatdoyouknow?”heaskswithasigh.
Ilaugh.“It’scutethatyouthinkI’dtellyouonthephone.BeforeIsayaword,Ineedsomeassurancesfromyou.Frombothofyou.”
There’sanotherpausebeforeAlexanderspeaks,confirmingmytheorythathe’sbeenlistening.“I’vetakentoomanychancesonyou,Francia.Willthisonepayoff?”
“Thatdepends.HowmuchdoyouthinkthelocationofKaterinaSokolovisworth?”
There’swhatIhavetopresumeisstunnedsilenceontheotherendoftheline.
“We’llmeetinanhour,”Alexandersays.“Thisisyourlastshot,Francia.”
Ismile.“That’sallIneed.”43CORA
Jordenstartstalkingtomebeforethepatiodoorcanevenclosebehindher.
“IthinkNilesputssomethingillegalinthislemonade.”Sheholdsupherglasstothelightandsquintsasshestudiesit.“Doyouthinkit’sdrugs?”
“Goodmorningtoyou,too.”
Shegivesmeaquickwaveandthenswirlsthedrinkwithherstainlesssteelstraw.
Apparently,beingkidnappedisonlynovelforaday.Becauseit’snowdayfourofbeinghomeandI’mlosingtoaglassoflemonade.
“Toansweryourquestion,Idon’tthinkNilesputsanythinginitthatshouldn’tbethere.He’stoopropertodrugpeoplewithoutaskingfirst.”
“Ifthat’strueandtherearenodrugsinhere,thenexplainwhyIwouldbewillingtobartermyfirstbornchildtohaveoneoftheseinmyhandfortherestoftime.”
“Maybeit’sthefreshfruitfrozenintheicecubes.That’sanicetouch.”
Shewrinkleshernose.“Maybe.ButsinceI’llneverknowforsure,I’lljusthavetocomeoverhereeverysingledayandgetaglassstraightfromthesource.”
“Andtalktoyourbestfriend.”
Sheloungesinthechairacrossfrommeandwinks.“Obviously.You’retherealreasonI’mhere,Cora.Thelemonadeisadeliciousperk.”
Lies.SheandIbothknowJordenisn’thereforme.Sheisn’thereforthelemonade,either.Sheisallaboutoneblonde,right-handman.
WheneverYashaisintheroom,it’slikenooneelseexists.I’vetakentoslippingsilentlyawaywhenevertheyhappenuponeachotherandcan’thelpbutgazeintoeachother’seyeslikethey’rebeinghypnotized.Ihaveitongoodauthoritythattheyhavebeengoingatitlikerabbitsanychancetheyget.Ivanspilledthebeanstomeacoupledaysago,afterweparticipatedinsomerabbit-likeactivitiesofourown.Ofcourse,wedidthatinourbedroom,notthelinenclosetnexttotheden.
“What’swiththatlook?”Jordenaskssuddenly.
“Whatlook?”
Shecirclesafingerinthedirectionofmyface.“Thatdopeysmile.”
Idipmyfingersinmyicewaterandflicksomeather.“Myfaceisn’tdopey.”
“Fine.Whatiswiththatblissfullookofradiantjoyonyourincomparablybeautifulface?”
“Idon’tappreciatethesarcasticwayyousaidthat.”Ilaugh.“Anditwasnothing.Justsmilingaboutyouandyourlemonade.”
“Good.Thenit’sbringingyoujustasmuchjoyasit’sbringingme.Eversincethislemonadehascomeintomylife,I’vebeenwalkingonsunshine.”
I’dbetherveryfulfillingsexlifehasalotmoretodowithhersuddenjoythanlemonade,butIkeepmythoughtstomyself.
Sincewe’veseeneachothereverysingleoneofthelastfourdays,thereisn’tmuchtotalkabout.JordenandIsitandlookoutonthelawn.Atthebutterfliesflutteringaroundthemarigolds.Atthehummingbirdshoveringnearthefeederattheedgeofthepatio.
Lockedawayinmystepfather’shouse,Iforgotwhatitfeltliketojustbe.Tositinsilencewithoutplottingorplanning.Toenjoythefreshair.
“Howareyoudoing?”
IstartleatthesoundofJorden’svoice.
“Sorry,”shelaughs.“DidyouforgetIwashere?”
Iwaveheroff.“It’sokay.Iwasjustthinking.”
“About…?”
“Nothing.”Ishrug.“Everything.I’mnotsure.I’vehadalotoftimetothinkrecently.”
Shefrowns.“Isthatagoodthingor—”
“It’snotbad.Ivanislettingmerest.Hewantsmetorelax.AndIneedto.Thelastfewweekshavebeenalot.I’mhappytohaveasecondtobreathe.”
“But…?”Jordenpresses,eyebrowsraised.
Thereareprosandconstohavingpeoplearoundyouwhocanreadyoureveryfacialexpression.I’mnotsurewhichonethisis.“IguessIfeellikeIshouldbedoingsomething,”Iconcede.
Amalevoicecallsover,“AsfarasI’mconcerned,youaredoingsomething.”IturnaroundtoseeYashastrollingacrossthepatio,hiseyesfixedonJorden.
“Oh,yeah?What’sthat?”
Hereluctantlyturnstolookatme.“Ivanhasbeeninahelluvagoodmoodsinceyoucameback.ThankGod,too,becauseIwasabouttosmotherhiminhissleep.”
“Ididn’treallyhavetodoanythingforthattohappen,though,”Iargue.
Yashasnorts.“Idisagree.Thetwoofyou‘do’plenty.”
“Ew!Likeyoucantalk.”
“We’retalkingaboutyou,notme,”hecorrectssternly.“ButFranciaisalsogone.Thatwasallyou.Thehouseholdstaffisinlovewithyouforit.AskfourofthemtocarryyouaroundononeofthosebedsthatroyaltyuseandIbetthey’ddoit.”
“Alitter,”Jordensays.
Yashaturnsbacktoher,hiseyesgoingstarry.“What?”
“Alitter,”sherepeats.“That’swhatthebedthingiscalled.IsometimesfallasleepwiththeHistoryChannelon.”
“Iwouldn’thavepeggedyouforahistorybuff.”HetakesastepclosertoherandIcanalreadyfeelmyselffadingoutoftheirnotice.
Shesmiles,hercheekstintingpink.“Iliketowatchtheconspiracyshowsaboutghostsandaliens.”
“I’veneverseenthose.Maybewecanwatchthemtogether.Whenaretheyon?”
“Late,”Jordensayssoftly.“Reallylate.”
Theyarelookingdeeplyintoeachother’seyeswhenIclearmythroat.“Well,I’mgladthestaffstilllikesme.Aftereverything,Ithoughtmaybethey’dthinkIwasmoretroublethanIwasworth.”
“Noway,”Yashainsists.“Theylikehavingyouaround.It’sniceforthemtohavesomeonetheycangotowithhouseholdoperationsquestions.Ivanhatesthatstuff.”
“IthoughtNileshandledallofthat.”
“HedoesitbecauseIvanrefuses,butitwouldusuallyfalltotheBratvawi—ladyofthehouse,”hecorrectsquickly.“Butnooneexpectsanythingofyourightnow.You’veearnedsometimetorestandrelax.”
“Amen,”Jordenagrees.
“Speakingof…”YashalaysahandonJorden’sshoulder,andIcanpracticallyseethesparksflyingbetweenthem.“Maybeyouwanttonap?IcanescortJordenoutifyouwanttobealone.”
Istarttoshakemyhead.“No,that’sokay.I’mactually—”
Jordenjumpsupquickly.“Youdolooksleepy.Youknow,sleepisoneofthemostimportantfactorsinoverallhealth.Youneedtobanksometocatchup,Ibet.”
Inarrowmyeyesather,butshewon’tbeshamed.
“I’llgetoutofyourhair.”SheturnstoYasha.“Youcanescortmeoutifyou—”
“Yeah,okay.”Hegivesmeatight,guiltysmile.“Seeyoulater,Cora.Goodbye.”
Thetwoofthemrunintothehouselikethepatioisonfire.Ican’tevenbemadatthem.I’mgladthey’vebothfoundsomeone.JordendeservesagoodguyandIknowYashawilltakecareofher.
I’msmilingwhenIfeelstronghandsmassagemyshouldersfrombehind.
“Niles,whatstronghandsyouhave,”Imoan.
Ivanbendsdownandnipsattheverytopofmyearwithhisteeth.“That’snotfunny.”
Ijoltplayfully,throwingmyarmsovermychesttocovermyself.“Oh,Ivan!It’syou.Ithoughtitwas…someoneelse.”
Hewalksaroundmychair,hiswoodsyscentwrappingaroundmeasItakeineveryclimbableinchofhim.MaybeI’mnobetterthanYashaandJorden.He’sbeenhereforhalfasecondandI’mmolten.
HesitsinJorden’schairandthendeftlypullsmeontohislap.“IlikeNiles.Itwouldbearealshametohavetokillhim.”
Ihookmyhandsbehindhisneckandkisshim.“Don’tkillNiles.IthinkhislemonadeistheonlyreasonJordenkeepscomingtovisitme.”
Helaughsandmyheartsqueezes.Istillcan’tgetoverhowniceitistoseehimlikethis.Free
“What’ssofunny?Aretherereallydrugsinit?Jordenthoughtmaybehewasdosingher,gettingherhooked.”
“Nilesbuyslemonadebythegallonfromthestore.Hepoursitintopitchersandthentakesthebottlestotherecycling.”
Igasp.“Noway!Heusesfruiticecubes.”
“ThoseareallNiles.Buttherest?”
“Liar!”
Herubshisnoseagainstmineandlowershisvoice.“Don’ttellhimItoldyou.Hedoesn’tevenknowthatIknow.”
Ishakemyheadwithfauxdisappointment.“Ican’tbelievethekindoflooseshipyou’vebeenrunninghere,Ivan.IthoughtIwassigningonforthelifeofluxury,butI’vebeendrinkingstore-boughtlemonadelikeacommonpeasant.”
“WhatcanIsay?I’maheathen.”
Hiseyeshaveflecksofyellowandgreeninthesunlight,andthesightofhimhere—smilingandinmyarms—isalmosttoomuchformetotake.Myhearthurtsfromhappiness.
“Thenit’sagoodthingI’mheretokeepyouincheck.”
Hepressesaslowkisstomyneck.“Youcancertainlytry.”
I’dliketo.Ifhekeepsthoseteasingfingersmovingupmythigh,everyonejustontheothersideofthewallofwindowsisgoingtogetquitetheshow.Andyetsuddenly,Idon’tgiveadamn.
I’mabouttotellhimthatwehaven’thadsexinthisparticularchairyetandthatseemslikeaterriblemistakeweshouldcorrectimmediately,butbeforeIcan,hisphonerings.
“Ireallydon’twanttogetthat,”hemurmursagainstmylips.
Icatchmybreath.“AndIreallydon’twantNilestoseemenaked.”
Sighing,heanswersandheadsinsidetotakethecall.Iliebackinthechairwithadreamyexhale.IfJordenthoughtIlookeddopeybefore,shewouldn’tknowwhattomakeofthesmileonmyfacenow.
WhenIhearthepatiodooropen,I’mreadytogetIvanrightbacktowherewewere.ThenIturnaroundandseehisface.
WhenIdo,Isitupandspintofacehim.“Whatisit?Whathappened?”
Hehasn’tevensaidanythingandmyheartisracing.Underneathmycalmfacade,I’vebeenwaitingfortheothershoetodrop.Andhereitis.Mylittlesliceofparadiseisgoingtobesnatchedaway,Ijustknowit.
“Nothing.”Ivanpullsmetomyfeetandguidesmethroughadeepbreath.“Everythingisokay.You’resafe.”
Iinhaleandexhaleslowly.“Okay.Thenwhydoyoulooklikethat?”
“Becausethere’ssomeoneheretoseeyou.”
“Itcan’tbeanyonegoodifyoulooklikethat,”Isaysoftly.
“Juryisstilloutonthatone,”avoicesaysfrombehindIvan.
Afamiliarvoice.
It’sbeenovertenyearssinceI’veheardit.Butit’shardforapersontoforgetthevoiceoftheirownparent.
IvanstepsasidesoI’mstandingfacetofacewithmyfather.
MarcusSt.Clairraisesonehandinasmallwave.“Hi,Cordelia.”44CORA
“No.”IshakemyheadandspinaroundsoI’mfacingIvan,mybacktomyfather.“I’mnotdoingthis.”
“Itoldyoushewouldn’tbeinterested,”myfathermumbles.
Ihatethathe’stalkingtoIvanliketheyhavesomesecretconnection.Ihatethatheishere.
Ihatehim.
I’mabouttoturnaroundandtellhimallofthatwhenIvanputsahandonthebackofmyneck.Histouchisfirmbutgentle.“Hearhissideofthestorybeforeyoudecide.”
“Iknowhisstory,”Ihiss.“Iknowwhathe’sgoingtosay.”
“Maybe.Maybenot.”
Ifrown.“Whydoyoucare,Ivan?Howdoyouknowhim?”
“Iwasdesperatetofindyou.Yashareachedouttoyourdadandhemetwithus.Hehelped.”
Myeyesgoglassy.Notbecausemydadshoweduptoameeting—that’stheliteralleasthecoulddoforhisonlydaughter.No,it’sbecause,whileIwasstuckinAlexander’shouse,forcedtoplayatmarriagewithMikhail,Ivanwaslookingforme.
Henevergaveup.
Inod.“Fine.I’llhearhimout.ButI’mnotdoingitforhim;I’mdoingitforyou.”
Ivanpressesakisstomyforehead.“That’sagoodenoughreasonforme.”
Whenhewalksawayfromme,Iwanttowrapmyarmsaroundhimandholdhiminplace.ButIcalmmyracingheartandturnbacktomyfather.
MarcusSt.ClairlooksexactlylikeIrememberhimandnothinglikeitatthesametime.Ialmostforgothowsimilarweare.Wehavethesamedarkhairandgreeneyes.InowrememberwhereIgotmypointedchin.Itcertainlywasn’tfrommymother.
Buthelooksdifferent,too.Therearegraystrandsspeckledthroughhishair.Hisjawlineislesssharp.Irememberhimbeingatallbeanpole—evenasalittlekid,Icouldgetmyarmsmostofthewayaroundhislegs.Now,he’srounder.Softer.Hehidesmostofitbehindasharpsuit,butit’seasytonoticethosekindsofthingswhenyouhaven’tseeneachotherfor…
“Well,howlonghasitbeen?”Iask,asurprisingamountofvenominmyvoice.“Adecade?Longer?”
“It’sgoodtoseeyouagain,Cordelia.”
Hesoundssocalm.Solevel-headed.Ihatethat,too.
“MynameisCora,”Igritout.
“That’sright.Ivansaidsomethingaboutthat.Sorry.Oldhabitsandall.”
Isnort.“Notmuchofahabitifyouhaven’tseenmesinceIwasapre-teen.”
Hismouthtwitches.“TherewerealotofyearswhereIwasthere.”
“Youknow,whenyouputitthatway,therewerealotofyearswhereIdidn’tknowMikhailandAlexanderwasn’ttryingtoforcemeintomarriage.Maybethosefewpeskyweekswerejustablip.”
“Don’tcomparemetohim,Cordel—Cora.It’snotfair.”
“Don’ttalktomeaboutwhat’sfair,”Ispit.“Iflifewasfair,I’dtellIvantokickyourassoutonthecurbandI’dneverseeyouagain.”
MarcusglancesoverhisshouldertowardswhereIvan’ssilhouetteisvisiblejustbehindtheglass.“Youcould.He’ddoit,too.Ithinkhe’ddojustaboutanythingforyou.”
IfhethinkscomplimentingIvanisgoingtoputhimonmygoodside,he’swrong.Itjustmakesmewanttopushhimfartheraway.WhatIhavehereisgood.Idon’tneedanyonefrommypastcomingalongtoruinit.
“Maybethat’swhyyoushouldhearmeout,”headds.“IfhethoughtIwasabadguy,wouldhehaveletmeintohishouse?”
“Youdon’tknowanythingaboutus.Don’ttalkabouthim.Thisisaboutyouandme.ThisisaboutwhetherIwantyouhereornot.”
“You’reright.I’msorry.”Helooksdownathisfeet.
Isthatshame?Doeshefeelguilty?Didhethinkofmewhilehewasgone?I’mnotsureifanyofitmakesanydifference.
Helooksbackupwithasadsmile.“Iguessthat’sallIcansay:I’msorry.Iwanttoknowyou.Whoyouarenow.Whoyou’vebecome.”
“Convenientthatyoudecideyouwanttoknowmenowthatlifeisfinallygood.I’mlivinginabigmansionandthenboom,hereyouare.”
“Thishasnothingtodowithwhereyou’reliving.Ididn’tknowwhereyouwerebeforethisorIwouldhavecometoyouthen.”
“Youknewwewereinahomelessshelter,”Iinterrupt.“Didn’tyou?Afterweleft,youknewwewerelivingonthestreet.Momsaidyourefusedtohelpus.”
Helooksawayfromme.It’sasgoodasanadmission.Neitherofushaveeverbeenabletolieforshit.
“That’swhatIthought.Youdidn’tcarewhatIwasuptobackthen,”Isneer.
“Yourmothertookyouandran.Ididn’tknow—”
Iwanttoplugmyears,butIsettleforshakingmyhead.“Youleft!Youabandonedus.”
“No!No.Sheranaway.ShemetAlexanderanddidn’twantanythingtodowithme.Iwantedtohelpyou,butIdidn’tknowifthemoneywouldgotohimor…Ijustwasn’tsurewhattodo.”
“Shemethimafterwewerealreadyonthestreets.Theonlyreasonsheiswithhimisbecauseshewaspooranddesperate.”
“Iknowthat’swhatshetoldyou,Cordelia,butthetruthis—”
“Cora,”Igritout.“Forthelasttime,mynameisCora.”
Herunsahanddownhisface.HelooksasexhaustedasIfeel.“Yourmothertoldyoualotofthings,Cora.Myguessisalotofthemweren’ttrue.Ididn’tabandonyou.Shewascheatingonmeandshelefttobewithhim.Whathappenedafterthat,Idon’tknowforsure.ButIknowIdidn’tleave.”
Irememberbeinghuddlednexttoabenchonenight,tryingtoblendinsononeofthebeatcopsonpatrolwouldbotherus.Mymomfellasleepcrying.“Hewon’thelpus,Cora.He’sgoingtoleaveusoutheretodie.”
Ithoughtshemeantmydad,butmaybe…
Myheadisswimming.He’stellingamuchdifferentstoryfromtheoneI’veknownthelasttenyears.Butevenworse,Iknowhe’slying.Atleastaboutonepartofit.
Mychinwobbles.IworkhardtokeepitsteadyasImeethiseyes.“WhateverhappenedwithherandAlexanderandyou,youdidabandonme.Youdisappeared.Youleftmewiththemevenwhenthey…”
Ican’tmakemyselfsayit.Ihaven’tseenthismanforalmosthalfofmylife.WhatkindofexplanationdoIreallyowehim?
Still,hisfacecrumples.Heliftsahandlikehewantstoreachforme,buthethinksbetterofitandletsitfalltohisside.
“You’reright,”hesaysfinally.“Iwasn’ttheonewholeftfirst,but…Istillleft.Ishouldhavefoughthardertoseeyouandtogetcustody.Ithoughtyourmomwouldcomebackonceyou’dbeenonthestreets,butshedidn’t.ThenshewaswithAlexanderandIthoughtyouwerehappythere.Ithought—nevermind.Itdoesn’tmatterwhatIthought.Ifuckedup,Cora.Bigtime.ButIwanttotrytomakeupforitstartingnow.”
Ihavehalfamindtoaskhimwhathewantsfromme.Everyoneelseseemstowantsomething.MymomandAlexanderwanttousemelikeabarteringchip.Mikhailwantsmetobehisthoroughbredbreeder.Franciausedmeasadecoy.
Ivanisthefirstpersoninmylifewhowantsmeforme.I’mnotreadytobelievethereareotherpeoplelikehim.
Notyet.
“Canyouforgiveme?”mydadasks.“Couldwetrytostartover?”
Atonepoint,Iwouldhavelied.Outoffearthathewouldgetupsetandneverseemeagain,IwouldhaveliedaboutwhatIwanted.WhatIneeded.
Notanymore.
“Idon’tknow,”Iadmit.“Thisisalot.I’mnotsurewhattomakeofitall.Ineedtime.Maybealotofit.”
Disappointmentflashesacrosshisface,fastandfurious,buthewipesitawayandnods.“Okay.That’sunderstandable.”
Westareateachotherforafewsecondsbeforehetakesastepbacktowardsthedoor.“IguessIshould…I’llleave.”
“That’sprobablyforthebest,”Isaysoftly.
“Ivanhasmynumberifyouneedanything.Orifyoudon’tneedanything.Just…ifyouwanttotalk.”
Ican’tmeethiseyesashewalksaway.Idon’twanthimtoseemecry.45CORA
Ivanwalksmydadout.Iretreatintoourbedroomandtrytokeepmyselffromcrumbling.
I’mnotthatscaredlittlegirllivingonthestreetswithhermom.I’mnotthatterrifiedteenagertryingtodisappearintothewallpaperatAlexanderMcAllister’shouse.
I’madifferentpersoninadifferentworld.I’vechanged.
Butthatdoesn’tmakeanyofthiseasiertoprocess.
Icurluponthebed,huggingmypillowtomychest.Sittingoutsidefeltlikebeinginafishbowl.Idon’twanttobeondisplay.Iwanttobealone.
Atleast,IthinkIdo.UntilIhearthedooropenandfeelafamiliardipinthemattressbehindme.Suddenly,allIwantistobewrappedinIvan,cocoonedinhisscentandprotectedfromtheoutsideworld.
Hedrapeshisarmovermyhip.Hiswarmthsoaksthroughmyshirt,meltingawaythechillmydadleftbehind.
“Areyouokay?”hewhispers.
Thetendernessinhisvoicemakesmyeyeswater.Isqueezethemclosedandnod.“I’mokay.”
“Iknewyouwere,butIneededtomakesureyouknewit,too.”
IrolloversoI’mfacinghim.EvenwhenI’mpreparedtobeclosetohim,italwaystakesmebysurprise.Thescentofhisskin,thefeelofhimagainstme,theclosenessofhismouth—allofitisintoxicatinginawayI’veneverfeltbefore.It’sastruggletothinkstraight.
“Whatdoesthatmean?”
Hetucksastrandofhairbehindmyear.“Itmeansthatyou’restrong.You’vebeenthroughalotworsethanameetingwithyourdad.Iwouldn’thavebroughthimhereifIdidn’tthinkyoucouldhandleit.I’mgladyouknowhowstrongyouare,too.”
Ihearmydad’svoiceinmyhead.IfhethoughtIwasabadguy,wouldhehaveletmeintohishouse?
“Youcouldhavetoldmehewascoming.”Isigh.“I’mnotmad,butI’mnotnotmad.I’vehadenoughsurprisesforalifetime.”
Herunsafingerdownmyspine.“IfI’dtoldyou,wouldyouhaveagreedtoseehim?”
“TheonlyreasonIagreedtoitisbecauseofyou.Ifyou’dtoldmeandthenaskedmetomeetwithhim,Iwouldhavedoneit.”IvanarchesaskepticalbrowandIwiltslightly.“Iwouldhave…consideredit.”
Hesnorts.“Youwouldhaveflat-outrefused.AndIunderstandthat.Mydaddidn’tabandonmeandIstillavoidhimwheneverpossible.”
“Speakingofwhich,Iwouldloveadvancewarningwhenhe’scomingover.Ihaveenoughparentaldramawithoutdealingwithyours,too.”
“Fairenough.”Hetracesapathundertheslopeofmyjaw.“Ijustknewhowmuchhimleavinghurtyou,solnishka.AndIknewthattheversionofeventsyouweretoldwasn’tcompletelyaccurate.”
Iblowoutabreath.“Ialmostforgotaboutthat.Apparently,mymomknewAlexanderbeforemydadleft?”
“That’swhathesays.Hetoldmethatyourmomcheatedonhim.WhenshelefttobewithAlexander,Alexanderrefusedtotakeyouallin.Butshewassoinlovewithhimthatshebouncedaroundfromsheltertoshelterwithyouratherthangobacktoyourdad.”
Ishakemyhead.“Iwanttosayitdoesn’tmakesense.Imean,ifAlexanderwasalreadyinthepicturewhenwewerelivingonthestreets,whywouldn’thehavesteppedin?”Ipauseandreconsider.“Actually,whenIsayitoutloud,itmakesperfectsense.Alexanderhasbeenasadisticmanipulatorfromtheverybeginning.I’mnotsurprisedatall.”
We’requietforawhile.Ivanwatchesme,hisfingerstillswirling,ourbreathmingling.
Finally,Ilookupathim.“Heaskedmetoforgivehim.”
“Youdon’thaveto.”
Iarchabrow.“You’retheonewhobroughthimhere.Ifiguredyouwereonhisside.”
“I’monyourside.”Hewrapshisarmaroundmeandpullsmeclose.“I’malwaysonyourside.”
“EvenifIdon’tknowwhatI’mgoingtodoyet?”
“Evenifyouknowexactlywhatyou’regoingtodoanddecideyouwillneverforgivehimandwanttokeyhiscar.”
Thatsurprisesalaughoutofme.“Ihadnoideacommittingpettycrimeswasadatenightoption.”
“Pettycrimes,misdemeanors,justaboutanyfelonyyoucandreamup.I’mopenforanythingaslongasyou’rewithme.”Hissmilesoftensandthemomentbetweenussoftens,too.“I’mnotgoinganywhere,Cora.Youhaveplentyoftimetofigureoutwhatyouwanttodowithyourdad.I’llbeherewhenyou’reready.”
I’vedoneagoodjobofholdingbackmytears,butoneslipsfree.
Ivanbrushesitaway.“Don’tcry.”
“No,it’sgood.It’sahappytear.Knowingthatyou’llbehere,thatwehavetime—itmeanseverythingtome.”
“Wehavesomuchtime,Cora.Alifetime.”Hebringsmyknucklestohislipsandpressesalongkissthere.“Wearegoingtomakeitthroughallofthis.Wearegoingtoliveourlivestogetherandstartafamily.Andwearen’tgoingtopassanyofthisbullshitfamilydramadowntothem.We’regoingtogivethemthelivesweneverhad:parentswhoarethereforthemandadadwhoisheadoverheelsobsessedwiththeirmom.”
Thosepeskytearsareburninginmyeyesagain,andIswipethemaway.“Thatsoundslikeagoodplan.”
“That’stheonlykindImake.”
Irollmyeyesandlaugh.“Sococky.”
“Ifyouwantcocky,Icanshowyoucocky,”hegrowls.
Inasecond,he’sontopofme,hismouthonmyneckandthreateningtoventurelower.
Ithreadmyhandsthroughhishair.“Don’tgetmewrong:Iwantyoutostayrightwhereyouare,but…don’tyouhaveameetingtoday?”
Hegrowls,thevibrationrumblingthroughmychest.“AmeetingI’malreadylatefor,yeah.”
Mydisappointmentisimmeasurable,butIslowlypushhimbackandsitup.“Idon’twantanyonetothinkthatI’madistractionforyou.”
“Youaren’tadistraction,Cora.”Hestrokeshislongfingerundermychin.“You’remywoman.Myreason.”
Iturnmyfaceandkissthecenterofhispalm.“KeeptalkinglikethatandI’llchangemymindandbegyoutostay.”
“Theyshouldseethat.”
Myeyesgowide.“Theyshouldseethetwoofusinbed?”
“Fuckno.Thatsightisallmine.”Possessionflaresinhiseyes.“Buttheyshouldseewhoyouaretome.Comewithmetothemeeting.”
“Really?Youwantmethere?”
“Iwantyouwithme,”hesays.“Always.”Hestrokeshischinashethinksaboutit.“Butlet’ssavethatforanotherday.I’mfuckingfamishedandIdon’twanttogotothismeetinganyway.Sohere’swhat’sgoingtohappen:rightnow,I’mgoingtofuckyoutowithinaninchofyourlife.We’regoingtoshowerandgetreadytoleave,thenI’mgoingtogethornyanddoitalloveragain.Then,whenyou’resweatyandwreckedandyousmelllikeme,I’mtakingyoutogetthebestburgeryou’lleverhaveinyourlife.”
***
LetnoonesaythatIvanPushkinisnotamanofhisword.
Hedoesindeedfuckmetowithinaninchofmylife.Hedoesindeedcarrymystill-tremblingbodytotheshower,rinsemeoffwiththegentlesttouchI’veeverfelt,thencarrymerightbacktobedanddevourmeuntilI’mameltedpuddleofgooonthesheets.Then,withasmileonhislips,hedressesmeinsweatpantsandabaggyt-shirtandwalks
Wepullupoutsidethemostrundown-lookingburgerjointI’veeverseeninmylife.
“Arewegettinghamburgersorhepatitis?”Iasknervously.
Herollshiseyes.“Backhomeinthemansionforonedayandyou’realreadyasnob.”
Ithwackhimonthearm.“I’mnotasnob!”Gesturingatmyself,Iadd,“Wouldasnobbeabouttowaltzintothisplacelikethemostslovenlypeasantwhoeverlived?”
Ivan’seyebrowperksupandhistonguedartsout.“Youlookprettygoodtome,solnishka…”
Ipushhimawayandrecoiltothefarsideofthecar,evenasasmileplaysacrossmylips.“Nuh-uh.Noway.Handstoyourself,mister.Youmademecomewaytoomanytimesalreadythismorning.IfIletyouatitagain,you’regoingtobreakmepermanently.”
“Don’tthreatenmewithagoodtime,”hegrowls.
Laughing,helungestowardme.IshriekandjumpoutofthecarasfastasIcan,hishandpawingovermyhipbutnotquitecloseenoughtoreelmebacktowardhim.
Ihitthepavementanddanceaway.I’mstilllookingbackatthevehiclewhenIcollidewithsomethingsolidandwarm.TheimpactmakesmyheadspinandIstumblebackward,dizzy.It’sonlywhenmyvisionclearsandIrealizewhat—orrather,whom—Ijustslammedintothateverytraceoflaughtervanishes.
BecauseMikhailSokolovisstaringdownatme.46CORA
Forasplitsecond,IconvincemyselfI’mhallucinating.
HowmanynightmareshaveIhadthelastfewnightsthatfeaturedthepalefaceinfrontofme?Maybethisisanotheroneofthose.
Exceptno.Ivanisneverthereinmynightmares.
Buthe’sherenow.
BeforeIcanevenprocessthatthisisreal,Ivangrabsmyarmandjerksmebehindhim.
“Isitatrap?”Iwhisper.
Ilookaroundinhorror.Ifthisisatrap,Alexanderwillbewaitingjustoutside.Idon’tseeanyoneoutoftheblue,though.Justafewcouplesandfamilieslikeus.Someconstructionworkersonlunchbreak.Nobodywhodoesn’tbelong.
“Masterletyouoffyourleashtoday,Mikhail?”drawlsIvan.
IpeekaroundhimintimetoseepurerageflickeroverMikhail’sface.Hisneckisaviolentredcolor.
Ifthisisatrap,helooksjustassurprisedasweare.
“Noonecontrolsme.”Helookspointedlyatme.“Iwouldneverletmyselfbedraggedintoawarforanotherman’swoman.”
“Ididn’tdoitforanotherman’swoman,”Ivansnarls.“Ididitformine.”
ThecustomersstandingbetweenMikhailandIvanshiftnervously.Amaninajanitor’sjumpsuitstepsoutoftheway,glancingbackoverhisshouldertowatchthisaltercationplayout.Somuchfornothavingalleyesonus.
Mikhaildoesn’tseemtonotice.Hedoesn’thaveeyesforanyonebeyondIvan.Notevenme.
“YoufuckingPushkinsthinkyouowneverything.Cordeliawasalwaysmine.Shewaspromisedtome.”
Ivansnorts.“Wedon’tallplaybytherulesyourdaddymadeupforyou,Mikhail.HecanpromiseCoratoyouallhewants,butshewasneverhistogiveaway.”
Mikhail’seyesflickdowntowheremyhandisclutchingIvan’sforearm.Iseerageturninghisfaceadangerousshadeofviolet.
Withoutwarning,herearsback…andcharges.
Ivanshovesmeback,fartherawayfromthemayhem.Theothercustomersintherestaurantshoutandslideback.Overthescrapingofchairsontheconcreteandworriedvoices,Ihearonesoundrisingabovetherest:thethudofIvan’sfistconnectingwithMikhail’sblood-redface.
ThehitrocksMikhail,buthemanagestostayonhisfeet.Hiseyesnarrowintofuriousslits—ormaybeit’sjustthatthey’realreadybeginningtoswellshut.
“Thebitchisnobody.Nobody.”Mikhailspitsbloodontothefloor.“Youcouldhaveanyone,butyoustolewhatwasmine.Youstartedthiswar,Ivan.Andforwhat?IguessIneedtogetbetweenthewhore’slegstofigureoutwhatyouseeinher.”
Ivandoesn’tbotherwithareply.Thistime,hetakesthefighttoMikhail.
Mikhailseesitcominganddodgestotheside,butnotfastenough.IvanlandsaglancingblowthatsendsMikhailtopplingintoanearbytable.Thecustomerstherehavealreadyabandonedtheirlunchtocoweralongthewall,buttheirburgersandshakescrashtothefloor.
“Someonecallthepolice!”awomancriesout.
Ivanwavesahandintheair,dismissingthewoman.“Notnecessary.I’mgoingtoputthedogdownmyself.”
HegrabsMikhailbythefrontofhisshirt,liftshimoffofhisfeet,andslamshimbackdownonthetablehewasjustgrippingforsupport.
Hisbackrippleswithstrength.Theveinsinhisarmsareraised,adrenalineandbloodandvitalitycoursingthroughhim.
“Coradoesnotbelongtoyouoranyone,”Ivangrowls.“It’sherchoice.Ithasalwaysbeenherchoice.Andshechoseme.”
Mikhailscreechesandspringsupoffthetablewithallofhisstrength,butIvanjustusesthemomentumtospinhimaroundandslamhimagainstthewall.Hischestcavesin,theairrushesoutofhiminahuff,andthecolordrainsfromhisface.Hiseyesgowidewithpanic.
Ivanleanscloser,thoughIcanstillheareveryword.“Ishouldfuckingkillyouforwhatyoudidtoher.”
“Doit,”Mikhailgasps.“Youmightaswell.Mynameisruined.”
Ivanshakeshishead.“Ican’ttortureyouthewayyoudeservehere.Notwithallthesepeoplearound.No,yourendwillhavetowaituntilI’mready.Rightnow,Idon’thavethetimeforthis.”
Mikhailswingsoutagain,butit’saweakattempt.HelightlyconnectswithIvan’sribsand,aninstantlater,Ivanslamshimagainstthewallasecondtimeandpuncheshimintheeye.
Heisslidingdownthewall,nearingunconsciousness,whenwaterspraysacrosstheroom.
MikhailblinksandIvanstepsbackasthechefwalksoutasfarasthesprayerfromthesinkwillallow.“Breakitup!”
ThewaterseemstorevitalizeMikhail.Hestandsup,swayingslightly,beforehejabsafingerinIvan’sdirection.Heseemstowanttosaysomething,butthewordsdon’tcome.
Thenheturnstome,hispaleeyesburningwithafurorI’veneverseenbefore.“Thisisnottheend,”hespits.
Foramoment,it’sjustmeandMikhail.Fearoverrideseverythingelse.Ican’tmove.Can’tbreathe.Can’tthink.
ThenIvangrabshimbythebackofhisshirtandhurlshimdownthestreet.Mikhaillandshardwithagruntandthewholegatheredcrowdsucksinashockedbreath.Weallwatchasheclimbstohisfeet,givesusonemoreskeweringlook,thendisappearsaroundthecorner.47CORA
Idon’trealizehowtightlyI’mgrippingtheedgeofthetrashcanuntilIvan’shandssmoothovermine.Gently,hepriesmyfingernailsawayfromthewoodenlip.
“Areyouokay?”heasks,voicelowandserious.Hisrightsleeveisdrippingwater.Adropletcarvesitswaydownhisbicepandrollsoffhiselbow.Iwatchitgoinwhatfeelslikeslowmotion
“I’mokay.”Myvoiceisshaking.Myentirebodyisshaking.Iwasn’teventheonefighting.
“I’mgoingtotakecareofyou,solnishka.Iwon’tletanythinghappentoyou.”
“Iknow.”
AndIdoknowthat.Ibelievehim.
Sowhycan’tIstopshaking?
“You’vegottogo,man!”thechefbellowsfromthekitchen.“I’mcallingthecops.”
Ivanstartstoletgoofme,butIclingtohim.Itwinemyfingersthroughhissohecan’tescape.Ineedhimclosetome.Hescrutinizesmeforamoment,thensighsandleadsmebackouttothecar.
Hehelpsmeupandbucklesmeintoplacebeforewalkingaroundandclaiminghisspotbehindthewheel.Wetakeacircuitousroutethroughthecitytomakesureweshakeanyonewhomightbefollowingus.BasedonMikhail’sface,thatrun-inwasasurpriseforhim,too.Butstill—bettersafethansorry.
Finally,wemovebeyondthelastoftheresidentialstreetsuntilwe’rewindingthroughthehills.OnlythencanIletmyselfrelax.
“Areyouokay?”Ivanasksagain.
He’sstillholdingmyhandovertheconsole.Isqueezehistighter.“Yeah.I’mokay.”
“Youwereshaking.”Ivanreadjustshisgriponthewheel.Thewhitesofhisknucklesarevisible.“Ican’tstandthathescaredyoulikethat.”
“Really,I’mokay.Iknewyouwouldprotectme.”
Hisjawclenches.“Hedeservesworsethanhegot.Iftherehadn’tbeensomanypeople,Iwouldhave—”
“Ivan,Iknow.I—”Thevibrationinmeseemstohavereachedmychest.MyheartisracingandIrealizeallatoncethatIwasn’tshakingbecauseIwasscared.ThishuminmychesthasnothingtodowithfearorMikhailSokolov.
It’sforIvan.
Ineedhim.Now.
“Pullover.”
“Rightnow?”Hecheckshismirrors.Theroadisempty.
Ishiftinmyseatandpressmythighstogether.“Rightnow.”
Ivanpullsintothenextdirtdrivewayandfollowsituntilthere’sanovergrownalcoveinthewoods.Hugetreescastshadeoverthecarandblocktheviewofthemainroad.It’sperfect.
BeforeIvancanaskwhatisgoingon,Iunbucklemyseatbeltandcrawlintohisseat.Istraddlehim,pressingthebeatbetweenmylegsagainsthisbody.
“Seeingyoubacktherewasreally,reallyhot.”Ihookmyhandsbehindhisneckandrollmyhipsagainsthim.“That’swhyIwasshaking.Itwasadrenalinefromseeingyouinactionlikethat.Butnow,there’snowhereforallthatadrenalinetogo.”
Ivan’seyeshavebeeneatenawaybytheblackofhispupils.Hegripsmywaistanddragsmeagainsthim.“Ihaveanideaortwoforwhereitcouldgo.”
Hecapturesmymouth,nippingatmybottomlipwhilehethrowshisseatbackasfarasitwillgo.IyelpinsurpriseandIvanslideshistonguepastmylips.
WeareamessofteethandtonguesandlimbsasheliftsmyhipshighsoIcanwiggleoutofmysweatpants.Somehow,Imanagetogetthemoffandstraddlehimagain.Ivantugsdowntheneckofmyshirtandpushesmybraaside.HetakesmybreastinhismouthandIarchmyback.
“Ivan,”Imoan.Hishairissilkysoftbetweenmyfingers.“You’rekillingme.”
Hesmirksupatme.“Well,wecan’thavethat,canwe?”
Hispantsarealoteasiertodealwiththanmine.Abuttonandonezipperandmyhandiswrappedaroundthelong,thicklengthofhim.
HecursesunderhisbreathasIslowlyexplorehimfromtoptobottom.“You’regoingtokillme,Cora.”
I’mfinewiththat,butheisn’t.Hepressesmebackagainstthesteeringwheel,gripsmyhips,andpullsmedownontohiminonedevastatinglysteadystroke.
WecrashtogetheruntilI’mstickywithsweatandpanting.AllIcandoislaymyheadonhisshoulderasheseatshimselfdeepinsideofmeagainandagain.
“Comeforme,”hegrowls.Hisfingersdigintothesoftfleshofmyhips.He’sontheedge,holdinghimselftogetherlongenoughformetofallfirst.Sacrificingformeyetagain.
Ithrowmyheadbackandcryout.
“Goodgirl,Cora.Justlikethat.”Hislowerlipiscaughtbetweenhisteethasheworksmedownhiscockonce,twice,athirdtime.Thenhecrashesdownwithme.
Ikisshiscreasedforeheaduntilhisarmsbandaroundmybackandwe’relyingtogether,limpandsated.
Andsafe.
Mostofall,we’resafe.48CORA
Ipushopenthedoorsofthegym.Yashaimmediatelyslideshisheadphonesoffandslowshistreadmill.“Whatareyoudoinghere?DidJordensendyoutoseeme?”
“No…Shouldshehave?”
“No!”heanswersabittoofast.Hedownshiftsintoagrimace.“It’snotabigdeal.Wejusthadalittledisagreement.Ifiguredshesentyouintomediate.”
“Ah,”Isay.“Hencetherunning.Ifyoutwoarefighting,I’msureyouhavealotofexcessenergytoburnoff.”
“Onthecontrary:whenwe’refighting,I’mevenmoreexhaustedthanusual,ifyoucatchmydrift.”Hegrinsandwaggleshisbrows—asifIneededthenonverbalexplanation.
“Gross.”Iwrinklemynose.“Movingon.Sowhyareyoutwofighting?”
“Wearen’tfighting.ShejustwantedmetocometoherplacelastnightandItoldherIcouldn’t.”
“Whycouldn’tyou?”
“Because.”
Iraisemybrows.“Because…why?”
“Becauseofyou,”hesays,likeit’stotallyobvious.“You’rebackandMikhailandAlexanderarestilloutthere.Ineedtobehereincaseanythinggoeswrong.Tokeepyousafe.”
“That’sactuallywhatIcametotalktoyouabout,”Isay.“Iwanttobeassafeaspossible,too.AftertheotherdaywithMikhail,Ihaven’tbeenabletostopthinkingabouthowuselessIfelt.”
“IvanhadMikhailhandled,Cora.Hedidn’tneedyourhelp.”
“No,Iknowthat.Igetthat.ButtheremightcomeapointwhenIneedtofendformyself.”
JustthethoughtofapointlikethatbringsbackmemoriesI’dratherforget.MikhailcorneringmeinmybedroomatAlexander’shouse,pressingmeagainstthewallwhilehishandscreptlowerandlowerand…
IblinktheimagesawayandfindYashastudyingme.Heswipesthesweatoffofhisforehead.“Idon’tknowwhatyou’resaying.”
“Iwantyoutoteachmehowtofight.”
“No.Correction:hellno.”
Hisanswerissofastthatittakesmebysurprise.I’msureImusthavemisheardhim.
“What?”
“No.”Heshakeshisheadfirmly.“Ican’t.”Hepullsouthisphone,ignoringmeentirely.
I’mstillstandingthere,wonderingifI’mthebuttofsomejokeIdon’tget.“Youcan’t?Whatdoesthatmean?”
“Listen,CorCor—canIcallyouthat?”Hepocketshisphone.“CorCor,Ibasicallyviewyouasasisteratthispoint.Youareasexless,shapelessblobinmyeyes.”
Iwrinklemynose.“Somehow,I’mbothgrossedoutandoffendedatthesametime.Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
“Fightingiscloseandpersonal.”Hedoesalittlebob-and-weavetoprovehispoint.“Foryou,grapplingwouldprobablybethebestuseofyourlearningtimeandthatcanonlytakeplaceinclosequarters,youknowwhatImean?I’mnotgoingtodothatwithouttalkingtoIvanfirst.”
“You’rekidding.Whatisthis,like,somekindof‘brosbeforehoes’thing?”
Hesnapsandpointsatmewithapleasedgrin.“Exactly!Yougetit.”
Igaspinmockhorrorandpulloutmyphone.“I’mgoingtotellIvanyoucalledmea‘hoe.’Howdoyouthinkhe’llfeelaboutthat?”
“Woah!It’sjustaphrase.Heknowsthat.Hewon’tcare.”YashawatchesmepacewhileIdialandthephonerings.JustbeforeIvanpicksup,hewhispers,“Butdon’ttellhim…justincase.”
“Hello,solnishka,”Ivananswers.“Everythingokay?”
“IwantYashatoteachmehowtofight.”
Again,Iexpectafewmomentsofconsiderationandadiscussion.I’vegotmyargumentready,anextremelyconvincingPowerPointalreadycuedupinmyhead.ButjustlikeYasha,Ivananswersimmediately.
“No.”
Mymouthfallsopen.“What?Why?”
“Hesaidno,didn’the?”Yashacrows.“Iknewit!HewouldhavekilledmeifI’ddoneitwithoutasking.”
IignorehimandfocusonIvan’sdeepvoice.“Yashaisnotgoingtoteachyouhowtofight.”
Ifrown.“Youalreadysaidthat,butwhy?”
AsIask,thedoorstothegymopenupandIvanwalksin.Helowersthephonefromhisearandslidesitintothepocketofhisgraysweatpants.“BecauseIam.”
Ivanisinablacktanktopthatismoldedtoeveryridgeandvalleyofhisbody.Istandstock-stillandoglehim.Hisbroadshoulders,muscledarms,andtaperedwaist.Ihaven’tevengottenbelowthebeltyetandI’malreadygiddyandsquirmy.
I’veneverseenIvanincasualclotheslikethisinthelightofdayand,goodGod,Ithinkhewascreatedforathleticwear.HeisbroadandsolidandtheideathatIshouldlearntodefendmyselfseemssillyinthefaceofeverythingthatheis.
“Okay,”Yashasays,creepingforwardonestepatatime.“Thatismycuetoleavebeforesomethingphysicalgoesdown.”
IvanblinksawayfrommetolookathisbestfriendandIamforcedtoacknowledgeonceagainthatweareeverybitasbadasYashaandJorden.FifteensecondsinthesameroomwithusandYashaissprintingfortheexit.
AshepassesIvan,hepatshimontheshoulder.“Goodluck.AndifCorasaysanythingaboutmecallingheraname,itwasamisunderstanding.Youknowhowwomencanbe.”
“Hey!”Icallafterhim.Butit’stoolate.Yashaisalreadyhightailingitforthedoors.
AndthenIvanisinfrontofme.Everyhot,chiseledinchofhim.
Iblinkawayfromhischestandlookintohiseyes.Thatdoesn’thelpmuch.He’sgotthemcrankeduptofullpowertoday.I’mahelplessdeerintheheadlights.“Wherewereyou?”
“IwasplanningtogetaworkoutinwhenYashatextedmethatyouwerehere.”
“CanIdoanythinginthishousewithoutyouknowingaboutit?”
“Probablynot,”Ivanadmits.“Notuntilthingscooldown.TheonlyreasonIagreedtoleaveformymeetingthismorningisbecauseYashasworethesecurityteamwouldupdatemeonwhereyouwereeveryfifteenminutes.”
TheoppressivesurveillancehasanechoofbeingtrappedinAlexander’shouseunderlockandkey.Thedifferenceis,Ivanisdoingallofthistokeepmesafe—tokeepmefree.He’slookingoutforme.IgetthatandIlovehimforit.
Ijustwanttobeabletolookoutformyself,too.
“So,”Ivanstartsagain,“youwanttolearnhowtofight?”
Inod.“Willyouteachme?”
“Ofcourse.Foraprice.”
“Aprice?”
Hegrinswickedly.“Iscratchyourback,youscratchmine.Quidproquo.Thatsortofthing.”
“Well,Idon’tknowhowtofight.EvenifIdid,youdon’tneedmetoteachyouthat.IcanteachyouhowtoFrenchbraidhairifyouwant?”
Hechuckles.“Tempting,butI’llpass.”
“Thenwhatdoyouwant?”
Heleansin,bringinghiswoodsyscentwithhim.“I’lldecidelater.”
Ihavetoexhaleawaythehazeinmymind.“YouwantmetoagreetoconditionsIdon’tknowyet?Ithinkeverylawyerinexistencewouldtellmethat’sabadidea.”
Ivanspreadshisarmswide.“Idon’tseeanylawyersinhere,solnishka,”hesays.“It’sjustyouandme.”
Isigh.I’monethousandpercentpositiveI’llregretthewordsthatareabouttocomeoutofmymouth.I’malsoonethousandpercentpositiveit’sthekindofregretIcanlivewith.
“Fine.I’llpayyourextortionprice,Ivan.TeachmetofightandI’lldowhateveryouwant.”49CORA
Iliftmyarmstotrytopullmyhairbackintoaponytailandmyshouldersscreaminpain.IdropthemtomysideandturntoAnya.“Yourbrotherisasadist.”
Shefloatsupbehindme,lookingandsmellinglikeaspringflowerevenafterthetwo-milejogwejustdid.“You’retheonewhoaskedhimtoteachyoutofight.Ifyouweresmart,youwouldhavecometomefirst.”
“Hesaidhewouldn’tletanyoneelsetrainme.‘Anyonewholaysahandonyouwillsuffermywrath’werehisexactwords.”
ButitfeelslikeI’mtheonesufferinghiswrathrightnow.IvanbroughtoutthedumbbellsattheendofoursessionyesterdayandIfeellikeeverymuscleinmybodyisstillcrying.
Anyalaughsasshetwistsmyhairupintoaperfectmessybunonthefirsttry.“I’mnotafraidofbig,badIvan.Youshouldknowthat.Plus,lookatthetwoofusrightnow.I’mtrainingyou,aren’tI?”
“Well,yeah.Buthegaveyoupermission,didn’the?”
“Hewasgoingtoskipyourtrainingsessionthismorningbecausehe’sbusybeingPakhanPushkinandreigningoverhislands,soIvolunteeredtopickuptheslack.Don’tworry.”Shepatsmyshoulder,drawinganotherwinceoutofme.“You’resafeinmyhands.Well,safe-ish.”
Anyaleadsmeawayfromtheweightsandmachinesandstopsinthecenterofalargebluemat.
“Sparring?”Ibalk.“Already?It’sonlymysecondsession.AmIreadyforthat?”
Shenods.“It’swhatIvanhadonthescheduleandwebothagreeditmightbebestforyoutotrysparringwithsomeoneyourownsizefirst.Lessintimidating.Intheory.”
I’dagreewithAnya—except,inherpinksatinboxingshortsandmatchinggloves,shelookslikeBeatMyAssBarbie.Inevernoticedhowmanymusclesshehas.Whatisinthewaterinthismansion?Whateveritis,I’mnotgettingnearlyenoughofit.
Anyasmacksherglovestogether.“Okay.Nomoreprocrastinating.Getyourglovesonandlet’sdothis.”
Iclumsilystruggleintotheredleatherglovesshebroughtforme.Oncethey’reon,ittakesmethreetriestofinallygetmyarmsupandintoposition.
“I’lltakeiteasyonyousinceyou’rerecoveringtoday,”Anyasays,bouncingfromonefoottotheother.“NohardhitsandI’llmoveslow.Thisisjustpractice.”
Ibitedownonmymouthguardandnod.“Okay.Thanks.”
ThenAnya’ssmilevanishesfromherface.Shedropsintoastanceandtakesonepowerfullungeinmydirection.Ifloweffortlesslywiththemotion,letitscytheharmlesslypastmyface,thenturnandunleashholyhellonherfordaringtothinkIwassoweak.
Justkidding.That’swhatIwishIdid.Inreality,Ishriekandfumbleoutoftheway,tripovermyfeet,andlandhardonmyfaceonthemat.
Anyalooksdownatmewithscorninhereyes.“Whatthehellwasthat?”
“No.”Irolloverandgestureupwildlyather.“Whatinthehellwasthat?Thatwasnotslowandeasy,Anya!”
Shelaughsatfirst,butquicklybitesitbackwhensheseesthefrownonmyface.“Sorry.Okay.We’llgoagain.Thistime,itwillbeslowerandeasier.I’mjustusedtosparringwithIvan,Iguess.”
“Well,IamnotIvan.”Atthispoint,Ithinkthat’sapparenttoeveryonehere.Andtowhicheverluckysecurityguardismonitoringthecamerastoday.I’msureI’mgivingthesecurityshackarealtreatrightnow.
Anyahelpsmetomyfeet.Wesquareupagainand,onhersignal,westart.Sheapproachesmeagain,stillmovingfast,butmore“relentlessTerminator”andless“enragedbull.”MymusclesburnasItrytokeepasafedistancebetweenus.Somehow,Anyastillmanagestoweaselherwayinandlandafewsoftjabs.
“Keepyourarmsin!”sheorders.“Protectyourribs!”
Iadjustandthenshestrikesandtapsthesideofmyhead.“Keepyourhandsup.Protectyourface.”
Again,Iadjust.Again,shehitsmyribs.“Ribs,Cora!”
Thelessongoesaboutlikethatforthenextthirtyminutes.Anyatellsmetoprotectsomepartofmybody,Idoit,andthenanotherpartofmeisexposedenoughthatshegivesmealovetapthatreallyisn’tsoloving.
Bythetimewefinish,I’mdrippinginsweat,mymusclesburnwithexhaustion,andIalreadyhaveafewpurplebruisesspreadingonmyarms.
“Thatwasreallygoodforyourfirsttry,”Anyasays.
IlookupatherfromwhereI’vecollapsedinapileoflimbsonthefloor.“Areyoujustsayingthatsoyoucanassaultmeagaintomorrow?”
Shelaughs.“Youprobablydon’twanttohearthis,butthatwasnotexactlyexcitingforme.IfIwantedtoassaultyou,Icouldhavedoneitfourtimesfasterandalreadybeshoweredbynow.”
“Great.”Ithrowmyarmsovermyeyes.“Now,you’vewoundedmybodyandmypride.”
Anyagrabsmyhandandyanksmeuptostanding.Iwobble,butsheholdsmesteady.“Youaretrulypatheticwhenyou’retired.”
“Andhungry,”Iadd.
Shechucklesandthenslapsmybutt.“Goshowerandrestup.I’llmeetyouheretomorrow,sametime.”
Withthattorturelyingahead,Ipracticallycrawldownthehalltomybedroomandthenshuffleintothebathroom.I’msosorethatIthinkIblackoutatsomepointafterstartingtheshowerandpeelingoffmysweatyclothes,becausethenextthingIknow,I’mstandinginthesteaminghotshowerspray,moaningoutalitanyofcursewords.
“Doesthatfeelgood?”Adeepvoiceasksfromthedoorway.
I’mtooexhaustedtobestartledorself-conscious.Ijustnodandwhimper.“Thisisthebestandworstmomentofmyentirelife.”
Ivanlaughs.Thatdeep,growlysoundwouldstartafirelowinmybellyifmybodywasn’tcurrentlyusingallofitsreservesofenergytokeepmeupright.
Heleaveshisclothesinapileonthefloorandslidesintotheshowerbehindme.Whenhisarmswraparoundmymiddle,Igivemyselfovertohim.
“I’msotired,”Iwhimper.“YouPushkinsaregoingtobreakme.”
“No.We’regoingtomakeitsonoonecanbreakyou.Itjusttakestime.”
Igroan,butthesoundquicklyshiftstoamoanasIvanworkshishandsdowntheachingmusclesofmyarms.
“OhmyGod,Ivan.”Ialmostsinktotheshowerfloor,buthepressesonehandflattomystomachtopinmeagainsthim.“I’m…You’re…GoodGod.”
Anotherlaughrumblesthroughhimashekeepscoaxinghismassagelowerandlower.Overmystomachandlowerstill,untilhisfingertipsgrazeovermycenter.
IthoughtIwasonthevergeofdeath—butassoonasheteasesatmypussy,I’mburning.Aching.Yearning.
Funnyhowthatworks.
Hecomesandgoes.Teasesandretreats.“Whatareyoudoing?”Iwhimperthefourthtimehegetssoclosetothepromisedlandbeforedisappearingagain.
“Pelvicmassage.”Thewordsshouldn’tsendashiverdownmyspine,butwiththatvoice,hecouldreadaphonebooktomeandI’dhavenochoicebuttostraddlehim.
“Feelsmorelikeyou’retauntingmebecauseyouknowIcan’tfightback.”
“Idon’twanttohurtyou,”heexplains.“Over-massagingthemusclescanbejustasbadasoverworkingthem.”
Ishakemyheadandleanbackagainsthim.Hisbodyiswarmandstickyfromthesteamintheshower.“No,no.Over-massage.Overwork.Doyourworst.Especiallyrightthere.”
Hechucklesagain.Afewminutesago,allIwantedwastoshowerandsleep,butIhaveverydifferentplansnow.Ivanpressesakisstothesideofmyneck…andthenslipsaway.
Iblinkmyeyesopenandwatchhimclimboutoftheshower.“Whereareyougoing?”
“Youneedtobereadyfortomorrow.Idon’twanttotireyouout.”
Istarttoargue,butthenIseethemischiefshininginhisambereyes.Heknowsexactlywhathe’sdoing.Andhe’sdoingitonpurpose.
“IsthismypunishmentforaskingYashatotrainmebeforecomingtoyou?”Igroanpitifully.“Areyoutryingtotortureme?”
Hesmilesandleansintotheshower.“Ifyouthinkthiswaspunishment,youaren’tgoingtoknowwhathityouwhenIfinallyclaimmypayment.”
Withthat,Ivanwalkshistoned,nakedassoutofthebathroom.
EvenwhenI’mthismadathim,Ican’thelpbutwatch.50IVAN
It’sonlybeenafewdaysoftraining,butCoraisalreadyimproving.Herformisbetter,she’smovingabitfasterwhileshespars,andsheisn’tendingeverydayneartears.
Mybodynowachesattheendofeverysession—butforverydifferentreasons.
Corabendsatthewaistandstretchesbothhandsdowntoherankle.Sheextendsherleg,pressingherhipstoonesideandstrainingheralreadythinleggings.ShedoesitallsofuckingslowlythatIwanttoroarandripthemirrorsrightoutofthewalls.
Atleast,Ithinkshe’sdoingitslowly.
Imightjustbefuckinghorny.
Theshowermassagewithnohappyendingstartedasawaytogetherback.ThenCorakept“fallingasleep”beforeIcouldgettobedeverynightasawaytogetmeback.
Shethinksshe’swinning.
Shedoesn’thaveafuckingclue.
“Enoughwiththestretching,Cora,”Anyacallsfromthesparringmat.“Hecan’ttakehiseyesoffofyou.Yourjobisdone.”
Corastandsupandspinsaround,doingherbesttolookinnocent.Butsheknewwhatshewasdoing.
“Veryclassy,Anya,”Imutter.
“Iwasn’ttheonestaringatmy…”Anyaturnstomewithanarchedbrow.“Whatisshetoyounow?Yourgirlfriend?Fiancée?Ican’tkeepup.”
“She’sminetolookatwheneverthefuckIwant,”Isnapback.“Idon’tneedyourpermission.”
Anyaholdsupherhandsandbacksaway,asmugsmileonherface.
Meanwhile,Corasashaysherwaytothesparringring.Iknowshe’ssafewithAnya.Still,Ican’tshakethefeelingthatIshouldbetheonestandingbetweenCoraandanyonewhowantstohurther.
Thenagain,Iwanthertofeellikeshecantakecareofherself.Iwanthertobeconfident.Andlearningafewtechniquesandgettingstronger—allofitishelpingherregaintheconfidenceMikhailandAlexanderstrippedfromher.
That’sworthitsweightingold.
“Gooddodge,”Anyacoachesastheycircleeachother.“Don’tforgettokeepyourhandsupsoIcan’t—”
Inthemiddleofheradvice,CorafeintswithherrighthandandthenlandsablowaboveAnya’sbrowwithherleft.
Anyaisstunnedforasecondbeforeshegrins.“Holyshit.IguessI’mtheonewhoneedstokeepmyhandsup.Niceshot!”
Coraglancesoveratme.Theprideinhereyesisplaintosee.She’secstatic.Idon’tevenhavetocheckthemirrorstoknowthatmyfaceshowstheexactsamethings.
She’smyqueen.AnyawantedtoknowwhatCoraistomeandthat’stheanswer.Coraismyqueen.
Astheycontinue,Ican’tstopmyselffromwatchingthewayherbodyshiftsandbounceswitheverystep.Hersportsbraholdsherchestintight,tauntingmewithcleavageIwanttoburymyfacein.Herstomachistightandglisteningwithsweat.HerhipscurvewideandIcanseetheindentiononherlowerbackwheremythumbsfitperfectly.WhereIcanholdhersteadyandfillheruntilwe’rebothoutofourmindswithneed.
Anyashoutsoutafewmorecorrections,butIdon’thearathing.I’mlostinafantasy,growingharderbythesecond.I’msolostthatIbarelycatchCoraunbalancingAnyaandtakinghertothefloor.
“Howthefuckdidyou—”Anyatapsoutandsitsup,armsrestingonherknees.“Ididn’tseethatcoming.HowdidInotseethatcoming?”
Coraisstillonherhandsandkneesonthemat,pantingassweatdripsdownherneck.Ihavetheperfectviewdownthetopofhersportsbra.Andwhenshelooksupatme,apleasedsmiletuggingthecornersofhermouth,Iknowthegameisup.
It’stimeformyreward.
***
Coratakesalongshower.
Afterthewayshesaunteredupthestairsandstrippednakedinthebathroomdoorway,Iknowshe’swaitingformetobreakdownandjoinher.IfIdidn’talreadyhaveotherplansinmind,Iwould.
Instead,Isitbackinmyarmchair,handsfoldedovermystomach,andwait.
Finally,theshowerturnsoff.Ihearfrustratedstompingacrossthetilefloor.I’mbarelyholdingbackasmilewhenthedoorslamsopenandCoracomesoutlookinglikeAphrodite.Herhairiswetandfallingoveroneshoulder,herskinisflushedfromtheheatofthewater,andshe’sbarelycoveringherself.
“Isthatahandtowel?”Iask.
Sheopenshermouthtorespondwhensuddenly,shestops.Herbrowspinchtogetherasshetakesinthescene—allofit.
Directlyinfrontofmychairisanabsurdlyexpensivesextoysittingonaplatform.Alittlestagearrangedforaprivateperformance.
“Isthat…isthatasaddle?”
“Somethinglikethat.Withafewmodifications.”Ilifttheremotecontrolinmyhandandtipmyheadtowardsthenot-at-allsubtleattachmentrisingoutofthecenteroftheseat.It’spurpleandribbedanditlooksvery,verydangerous.
Aslow,persistentblushrisesupherchestandneck.“Whatisthis?”
“Yousaidyou’dpaymyprice.Paymenttimeishere,solnishka.”
Sheventurescloser.Thelamplightglintsoffthemoistureclingingtoherskin.Whenshe’scloseenoughtotouch,shetracesafingerdownthelengthofthedildoandIhavetorepressafullbodyshiver.
“Idon’tseehowridingasextoyisasacrifice.”Shelooksupatmewithloweredlashes.“Isn’tthisatreatforme?”
Ishrugoneshoulder.“Iguesswe’llsee.Dropthetowel.”
Corahesitatesforonlyamoment.Then,shouldersbackandchestforward,sheletsthetowelfallawayintoapilearoundherfeet.
Fuckinghell,she’sgorgeous.
She’salwaysbeengorgeous,butthere’ssomethingbeautifulaboutthesmallwaysherbodyhasbeenchangingsinceshestartedtraining.Thelittlecurvesofnewmuscle.Theproudposture—headup,shouldersback.Thegleaminhereyes.
Iholdoutmyhandtohelpheronboard.Withdelicatefingers,shegripsmyhandandputsherfeetinthestirrups,butshestayshoveringoutofreachofthepurplerubbercock.
“WhatdoI—HowdoI—”
“Loweryourselfontoit.”
Coralooksupatme,aquickflashofnerves.Thenshemaintainsthateyecontactasshecarefullypositionsherselfandlowersdown,inchbyagonizinginch.WiththelubeIputonbeforesheemerged,sheslidesonwithnoproblem,thoughshebitesbackatendergasp.
“Thisisnowherenearasbigassomeofthetoysyouboughtmebefore.Isthatthepunishment?”Shearchesaneyebrow.
Insteadofresponding,Iholduptheremoteandshiftthedial.
Itbuzzestolifeinstantaneously.It’sontheverylowestsetting,soitdoeslittlemorethanvibrateandpulseaquarterofaninchupanddown.Butit’senoughtogetthereactionIwant.Corajerkswithayelpofsurpriseandsqueezesthedaylightsoutofthesaddlegrips.Oncetheinitialshockpasses,shescrewsherfaceupintoasseriousofamaskasshecanmuster.
“Soisthis—ah,fuck—isthisit?”Sheleansbackandarchesherspinewithanothersoftexhale.“Youdon’ttouchmefordaysandnow,I’mgoingtogetoffwhileyousitinthatchairandwatch?Ithoughtyouweresomebig,badBratvaboss,butnow,I’mwonderingifyou’vejustbeenmakingitallup.”
Ijustsmirk.Shewon’tbeabletoformwordshereinalittlebit,soI’mfinewithhertryingtotauntmenow.
Iturnuptheintensityonthedialandenjoytheshow.
Anotherquarter-inchofpenetrationrampsupasthevibrationintensifies.Amoanshetrieshardtoholdbackslipsoutofher.Icanseethefightinherbody.Thepinktinttohercheeks.Thewayshepinchesherlowerlipbetweenherteeth.Thesoftwhimpersthatslipfromher,soquietIcanbarelyhearthem
WhenIturnupthedialanothernotch,though,thereisnomorehidingagoddamnthing.
“Oh,fuck.”Sherocksforwardagain,allofherweightrestingonherhands.Hermouthisopen,eyesglassyassherollsherhips.“Oh,oh…ohmy—”
Ishiftthedialever-so-slightlyhigherandCorafallstopieces.Herstomachtightensasherthighsclamparoundtheseat.Icanheartherelentlesschuggingpulseandgroanofthemachineasitsplitsherapart.
Thenshereleases.Iseeherletgoallatonce.Shecrackswideopen.
Mycockissohardit’sthrobbing.Iwanther.Iwanthersofuckingbad.
“OhmyGod.”Coramoansandstartstoliftherselfoffoftheseat.
Beforeshecan,Istandupandgrabherthighs.Herlegstremblebeneathmyfingers.Gently,Ipushherbackdownuntilshe’sfullyseatedontheattachment.
Sheblinksupatme,hereyesstillglassyfromherrelease.“Whatareyoudoing?”
“It’snottimetogetoffyet.”
“But…ButIjustcame.Ireally,reallycame.”
“Once.”Iholdupafingerinfrontofher.ThenItrailitdownherneck,overherpeakednipples,anddownherquiveringstomach.“Butyou’vegotalongwaytogoyet,mylove.You’regoingtostayhereandcomeuntilyoucan’twalk.Thatisthepriceyou’regoingtopay.”51CORA
Overstimulationishotintheory.Inreality,it’saseesawfromtorturetoecstasyandbackagain.
Mybodyisstillclenchingaroundthedildoattachment,myfirstorgasmebbingaway,whenIvanforcesmebackdownontothemachine.
Hiseyesareblackwithdesire.It’salmostscary.Almost
Mostly,though,thewayhe’slookingatmemakesmewanttothrowthismachineinthetrashandgetIvaninsideofmeassoonaspossible.
“You’regoingtostayhereandcomeuntilyoucan’twalk.Thatisthepriceyou’regoingtopay.”Hisvoiceishoarse,thickwithneed.Icanseethelargebulgeinthefrontofhispants.
“Wh-whataboutyou?”Istutter.
Hestepsbackanddropsdownintohischair.“Igettowatch.That’smyprize.”
BeforeIcanopenmymouthtorenegotiate,heflickshislargethumbovertheremoteandIcryout.
I’mstillsensitivefromthefirstorgasmandthismachineisabeast.Suddenly,I’mterrified.Iwasalltalk,allbravadocomingoutoftheshower.ButthisisnotthefightIwasreadyfor.
“Iwon’tcomeagainsosoon,”Itellhim.I’mpracticallybegging.“Ineedmoretime.Ineed—”
HeturnsupthepowerandmywordsarelosttoacracklinggroanIdidn’tknowIwascapableof.Itossmyheadbackandrockmyhips.Mywholebodyismovingonitsown.I’mhelplesstodoanythingbutgoalongfortheride.
“Likethat,”Ivancoaches.“Grinddownonit.”
Iwanttodoashesays,butinreality,Ihavezerocontrolhere.Themachinetakeswhatitwants.Well,actuallyIvantakeswhathewants,kickingupthepowersoIhavenootheroptionthantocomeagain.
IopenmyeyesjustlongenoughtoseeIvanleaningforwardinhischair,hiseyeslockedonme.IhavehisfullattentionevenifIcan’tgivehimmine.I’malittlebusydroolingandcomingwhilemybrainturnsintopudding.
“I’mcoming.Icame,”Isay.Truthbetold,I’mnotreallysurewhichtensetouse.Ijustcamedownfromonewave,butaslightshiftofmyhipshastheattachmentworkingmerightbackup.
“Touchyourself,”Ivanorders.
Isitupandslidemyhandsovermychest.Mynipplesarepinchedtohard,sensitivepointsthatIletslidebetweenmyfingers.
Ivanwatchesmyhandswithintensefocus.Heisn’tmissingamomentofthis.
“Itfeelssogood,”Iwhisper.
“Themachine?”
Ishakemyheadandlookathim.“Youreyesonme.”
“YoulikewhenIwatchyou.”
Itisn’taquestion,butInodanyway.“Ilikeseeingwhatitdoestoyou.”
MyeyessliplowertotheevidenceofhowmuchIvanenjoyswatchingme,too.
Hestandsupandeasestowardsme,loweringtheintensityonthetoyashedoes.Thenhesetstheremotetothesideandslipshiswaistbanddownlow.Hiscockspringsfree.
“Youcandoalotmorethanseeit,”hegrowls.
Idon’tneedaninvitation.Itakehiminmyhandandwrapmylipsaroundhishead.
Atthisrate,I’mgoingtobeapileofgoobeforethenightisdone.It’snicetotakecontrolofsomethingwhileIstillcan.TogiveIvanafractionofthepleasureI’mfeeling.
Icirclemytonguearoundhimandthendivedeep.
Ivanletsoutalowcurse,whichisalltheencouragementIneed.Iwrapmyhandaroundthebaseofhimandstroke,meetingmymouthinthemiddle.
Withoutreallymeaningto,itbecomesacompetitionwithmyselftobringhimtohisknees.IwanttomakehimlosecontrolthesamewayIhave.
Heplaceshishandatthebackofmyhead,thrustinggentlyintomymouth.Mynamefallsfromhislipslikeaprayer.“Cora.”
Ifeelhimtensing.Iknowit’sclose.
Thenfireworksflarebehindmyeyesasthetoykicksintohighgear.
Ifallbackwithacry,usingeverybitofmystrengthtostayseatedandnotflingmyselfontothefloor.
WhenIlookup,Ivanisholdingtheremoteagain.Ididn’tevenseehimgrabit.
“Cheater!”Ipant.
Helaughsandstandsback,turningthedialhigherandhigher.
Iclenchmyteethandthinkabouttaxes.Aboutgrandmothersinhand-knitcardigansandcountinghowmanytilesthereareinthefloor.Ipullallofmymusclestightand,whenthatdoesn’thelp,Igiveupandjustflopsillyandletthisthinghaveitswaywithme.
Itpromptlyobliteratesmeyetagain.Threeorgasms?Four?I’mlosingcount.Numbersdon’tseemtoholdmuchmeaninganymore.
“You’restillfightingit,”Ivansayswithafrown.“Why?”
IfeeltheintensitypickbackupandImoan.Icanbarelyfindwords.Mymindismelted.Rationalconversationisforthebirds.
Somehow,Imanagetogaspout,“Iwantyouinsideofme.WhenIcome,Iwantyou…Iwantittobeyou.”
Ivanreachesoutandplacesahandonmystomach.Gently,heshiftsmybodyback,anglingmesothefocusofthevibrationshifts.Thenheslipshishandlower,circlinghisfingerovermyclit.
Iopentohim,moaningwordlesslybecauseIamsofarbeyondhumanspeechthatitisstraight-uplaughable.
Hekissesmyforeheadandmycheek.Thenhislipsfindmyear.“It’sbeenmethisentiretime,Cora.Insideofyouornot,yourpleasureismine.Iownyou.”
Andjustlikethat,Icrash.
Themostpowerfulorgasmyetrocksthroughme.IclingtoIvan’sarmtokeepfrompitchingsideways.It’samiracleIcansitupatall.
AsIcomedownfromyetanotherclimax,Ivanfinallyturnsthemachineoff.
Thesilenceintheroomisdeafeningafterthenonstopvibrationofthetoy.I’mpositivehecanhearmyheartthunderinginmychest.Thebloodcoursingthroughmyveins.HegripsmywaistandliftsmeoffofthetoyasifIweighnothing.
“AmIdone?”Iwhisper,wrappingmyuselesslegsaroundhim.
“Thatdepends.Canyouwalk?”
Hepretendslikehe’sgoingtosetmeonthegroundandIclingtohimevenmoretightly.“Definitelynot.Don’teventryit.”
Hechucklesandlowersmeontothebed.
AsIspreadoutonthemattressinfrontofhim,hissmilefades.ThedarkdesireIsawinhiseyesearlierisbackandentirelyfocusedonme.
I’mnotsurewhereIfindtheenergy,butIspreadmylegsandrunahandupmystomach.Itrailmyfingerovermyskinandaroundeachofmybreasts.
BeforeIcanslidemyhandbackdownbetweenmythighs,Ivansnatchesmywristandpinsittothemattress.QuicklyfollowedbymyotherhanduntilI’mwrappedaroundhiswaistwithmyhandsboundabovemyhead.
“Mine,”Ivanwhispers,hisgazetracingeveryinchofme.
Iarchmyhips,brushingthetipofhim.“Yours.”
Heslideshiscockintomeeasily.Ithoughthe’dbeaninfernoofintensity,buthe’sactuallyslowandtender.Eachstrokeisabalmtomyfrazzlednerves,anantidotetothebuzzinginmyveins.
HestretchesandfillsmewithjustthetipuntilI’msureIcan’ttakeanymore.Thenheslidesindeeper.
“This.”Istrainagainsthisholdonmywristsandarchtowardshim.“Thisis—Iwantthis.You.”
Thewordsarenonsensical,butthey’reeverything.
Thetoytookwhateveritwantedfromme.Ivanisdifferent.Hehearsme.Moveswithme,notinme,ifthatevenmakesanysense.
Hefillsmeinlong,steadythrustsuntilIunfurlinawashofheatandpleasureandlove.
Iknowhefeelsit,too,becausehisbreathpicksup.Hereleasesmywristsandgripsmythighs,holdingmefastagainsthim.
“Perfect,”hebreathes,watchingmecomeundoneonelasttimeashefollowsclosebehind.“You’resofuckingperfectforme.”
It’salongtimebeforeIvanslidesoutofmeandcarriesmeintothebathroom.Ijusttookashower,butmyskinisstickywithsweatandmynewmuscleshurtinallthebestways.Helatherssoapovermybodyandhisown.Thenhewrapsmeinthesoftest,fluffiesttowelandlaysmeinourbed.
“Tellmewhatyouneed,Cora.”
“You.”
Hiseyebrowsrise.“Idon’tthinkyoucanhandleanymoreofmetonight.”
Ismile,myskinwarmingwithablush.“No,notthat.Just…lieherewithme.Stayherewithme.”
HenodsandstartstolowerhimselfintobedwhenIhearmyphonealarmbuzzing.Hegrabsitfromthenightstandandholdsitouttome.“Whatis‘BC’?”
“Oh.That’sthealarmformypill.”
“Pill?”
Istruggleuprightandpullthecircularpillcontaineroutofthenightstand.“Thepill.IwasoffofbirthcontrolwhileIwasatAlexander’s,butI’mbackonmyschedulenow.”
IdropasmallbluepillintomyhandandamabouttotossitbackdownthehatchwhenIvanlayshiswarmfingersonmywrist.“Doyouwanttobebackonyourschedule?”
“What?”
Hetipshisheadtowardsthepill.
Ifrownandblink.Apparently,five—God,maybesix—consecutiveorgasmsmakemealittleslowbecauseittakesmewaytoolongtounderstandwhathe’ssaying.
Finally,Ilookupathim,eyeswideandstunned.“Doyouwantmeonmyschedule?”
“Iwantwhatyouwant,”hesays.“ButIalsowantafuturewithyou.”
It’sthemostdirectconversationwe’vehadaboutourrelationshipsince…ever.Sleepinginthesameroom,doingawholelotofnot-sleepinginthesameroom—itallpointedtowardsthisbeinganactualrelationship.Butneitherofushadsaiditoutloud.
Untilnow.
Iblinkbackafloodofemotion.“Iwantafuturewithyou,too,Ivan.Iwantallofit.”
“Kids?”
LeaveittoIvanPushkintobedirectaboutlife’sbigquestions.“Yeah,”Iadmit.“Iwantkids.Iwanttobeabetterparenttothemthaneitherofmineweretome.”
“Thatwon’tbehard.Foreitherofus,”hesays.
Ichewonmylip.“Ihopeso.”
Histhumbbrushesovermymouth,untuckingmylipfrombetweenmyteeth.“Iknowso,Cora.You’regoingtobeanamazingmotherwheneverthetimecomes.”
Myheartraces.“Ihaven’treallythoughtabout—Imean,thetimingis—TherehasbeenalotgoingonandIguessIdon’tknowwhatyouare—”
“I’mnotgoinganywhere.”Hecurlshishandaroundmyneckandpresseshisforeheadtomine.“I’mherewithyou,solnishka.Nomatterwhat.Wheneveryou’reready.”
Ipressintohissteadytouch.He’ssolidanddependable.I’veneverfeltsaferthanwhenI’minthisman’sarms.
Iknowourkidswillfeelthesameway.
“I’mready.”
Hepullsbacktolookinmyeyes.“Ready.”
“Ready,”Irepeat.“I’mnotgoinganywhere,either.Sowhynotjust…letfatedecide?”
Hiseyesareabrightamberwhenhesmiles.He’ssohandsomethatIwanttolookaway.It’stoomuch.
“Fuckfate,”hesays,pluckingthepillsoutofmyhandandtossingthembackintothebedsidedrawer.“YouandIwillchooseourownfuture.”52IVAN
CoraisstillasleepwhenYashatextsmeawarning.Yourdadisonhiswaytothehouse.
NotexactlythestarttothemorningIwashopingfor.MyhopeswerefirmlywedgedsomewherebetweenCora’ssleep-warmskinandthetopsheet.
Icouldhavetheguardslockthefrontgatesandrefusetoseehim.It’smyhouse;IcandowhateverthefuckIwant
Thetroubleis,layingoutmyfuturewithCorafeltgood.We’regoingtostartafamilyandbuildalifetogether.AsmuchasI’dlovetostayhereandgetaheadstartonbuildingthatfamily,Ialsoneedtomakeitcleartomyfatherthatthewindowoftimewhenhecouldbargeintomyhouseandcalltheshotsislongover.
Iquietlyslideintoapairofdarkjeansandat-shirtandheaddownstairs.IgettotheentrywaywithjustenoughtimetoopenthefrontdoorandinterceptBorisontheporch.
Basedonthewayhestumblesbackahalf-step,Icantellhewasn’texpectingme.Surprisedrop-inshavealwaysbeenhisfavorite.I’llhavetothankYashafortheheads-uplater.
“Youputatrackeronmeorsomething?”hegrumbles,loweringhisshoulderlikehe’sreadytopushthroughmetogetinside.
Ifuckingwishhewould.
Iwavehiminwithastiffarm.“Ipaytheguardstotellmewhenvisitorsarrive.”
“I’mno‘visitor.’I’myourfather.Iwasyourpakhan!”
“Youwere,”Iagree.“Notanymore.”
Hiseyesnarrow.ThewrinklesaroundhiseyesaredeeperthanIremember,theblueveinsacrosshischeeksmorevisible.Helooksworn.Tired.Alackofpowerdoesnotsuithim.
“I’llbepakhanagainifshitkeepsgoingthewayit’sgoingaroundhere.”Hepacesacrossthetilefloorandthenspinsbacktofaceme.“Ihearyourlatestlittlefiancéeisgone.”
“Franciawasnotmyfiancée.”
“Oh,excuseme.Yourwhore,”hespits.
“InsultFranciaallyouwant.Icouldn’tcareless.Ifyouwanttogetariseoutofme,trycomplimentingher.Thatmightdothetrick.”
“Thisisn’tsomejoke,Ivan.Youmaythinkthisworldisyourplayground,butthewaywepresenttoourenemiesmatters.Thewaywepresenttoouralliesmattersevenmore.Rightnow,welookweak.”
“Myenemies.Myallies.Noneofitbelongstoyouanymore.”
Hesnorts.“Callitwhatyoulike!Iwouldn’twantmynameonthismess,anyway.Youralliesincludebikergangsnow,apparently.Everyoneistalkingaboutthestuntyoupulledtheothernight.”
Yashahaskeptanearonthegroundthelastfewdays.WehopedtheattackatAlexander’shousewouldskatebyunnoticed,butexplodingmotorcyclesandsuburbanfiresaren’texactlylowkey.
Itdoesn’tmatter.I’ddoitalloveragaintohaveCoraherewithme.
“Ipulledthatstunttomakesurepeopleknowtheycan’twalkallovermyBratva.TomakesuretheyknowCoraismywomanandshewillbeprotectedassuch.”
“I’msureitwasanhonestmistakeontheirpart.Youhavesomanywomencomingandgoing;whocouldevenkeepcount?”
“WoulditbebetterifIjusthadonewomanthatIbeatintosubmission?”Ifireback.
ThewordslandexactlylikeIhopedtheywould.
Rageripplesacrosshisfaceandhislipstwistintoahideoussneer.Anycalmhepossessedwhenheshoweduphereislonggone.“Yourmotherknewwhatshewasgettingintowithme.InevermadeheranypromisesIcouldn’tkeep.Igaveheralifeandchildrenandshebroughtherwealthandstatuswithher.ShemadetheBratvastronger.”
“ShemadetheBratvastrongerwhileyoubrokeherapart,oneslapatatime,”Igrowl.“That’safairtrade?”
“Shealsoraisedyouandyoursistertobesoft.YouthinkthatwhatyouwantshouldbemoreimportantthanwhattheBratvaneeds.YouandAnyaaremorefocusedonyouruselessfuckingfeelingsthanwhatisbestfortheFamily.Whenyouthinkaboutit,”hesays,“yourmothertoremedown,too.Childbychild.”
Atonepointinthenot-too-distantpast,thisconversationwouldhavemademelivid.Now,I’mjustfinishedwithit
Igazedownatmyfather.Helookssooldthesedays.“Ifeelbadforyou,Otets.Actually,no—ifIwastedevenamomentofmytimethinkingaboutyou,I’dfeelbad.Because,despitespendingyourentirelifegivingupeverythingforthesakeofyourlegacy,you’velostitall.Yourwife,yourchildren,yourBratva—it’sallgoneandyouhavenothingleft.There’snotevenanyonetopityyou.”
Hepuffsouthischest.“YouareintemporarycontroloftheBratva,son.IfyouthinkIcan’ttakeitallbackatthesnapofmyfingers,thenyou’re—”
“Youtalktoomuch.”Isighandrubmychin.“Ifyouwantthingstochange,stopjabberingandfuckingdosomethingaboutit.”
Myfatherstaresatme,hisjawsetandgrindingtogetherinfrustration.
“Well?”Ipress.“Areyougoingtochallengeme?OrareyoufinallyrealizingthatIcouldhaveyourelegatedtothemotherlandwithnothingbuttheclothesonyourbackwithinthehour?OnewordfrommeandyouwouldlivetherestofyourlifeshiveringinfuckingSiberiaandlookingoveryourshoulder,wonderingifI’llcomedotoyouwhatyoudidtomymother.”
SilencelikenothingheandIhaveeverexperiencedbeforedescendsonus.Heclearshisthroatandshufflesinplace
“AndhereIthoughtfamilyloyaltymeantsomethingtoyou,”hemuttersatlast.
“Itmeanseverythingtome.WhichiswhyI’llkillyouoranyoneelsewhothreatensmine.”Itakeasteptowardshim,voicelowandrazorsharp.“Youmaycallloveuseless,butmyloveiswhatIwilllive,fight,anddiefor.It’smyreason.Ifyouthinkyou’remorepowerfulthanthat,Iwelcomethechallenge.Butifyou’resmart,you’lleitherbendthekneeordisappear.”
“AndifIdon’t?”
“Youwilllivejustlongenoughtoseeyourfamilyandformeralliesturntheirbackonyou.ThenI’llkillyouwithmyowntwohands.”
IcancountthenumberoftimesI’veseenmyfatherspeechlessononefinger.Hemeetsmyeyesforalongmoment.WhenheseesthatImeaneverylastword,heturnsonhisheelandleaves.
Istandthereforawhileafterhe’sgone.Theentrywaysmellslikehisoldmancologneand,beneathit,thetangofhissweat.Iusedtoworktomakemyfatherhappy.Iwasraisedmyentirelifetobethekindofleaderhewas,thekindofmanhewas.Now,he’sgone,andI’mtheonecallingtheshots.
Ihaveeverythingmyfatherneverknewhewanted.
Soonenough,I’llhaveitall.
MydadhasonlybeengoneforfiveminuteswhenanothertextfromYashapings.TheSokolovswantameetingwithyou.
Veryfunny,Itextback.Ihaven’tevenbeenawakeanhourandhe’salreadygivingmeshit.
I’mheadingintothekitchentogetcoffeewhenheanswers.I’mserious,Ivan.Theywanttomeet.WhatshouldItellthem?
Fuck.He’snotkidding.
Iforgetthecoffeeandturntowardsmyoffice.53IVAN
Itapthescreeninfrontofmeandwatchatinyhourglassflipandturnthreetimesbeforeitconnects.Thenthreevideowindowsappear.
“Whatthefuckisshedoinghere?”Igrowl.
Franciaissittinginfrontofthecamerawithonelegtuckedupintoherchairandasteamingcupofcoffeeinherhands.Shelookswaytoocasualandwaytooaliveformyliking.
“I’mnothappyaboutthis,either,”shesnaps.
She’sobviouslynottalkingtome.SoIshiftmyattentiontothethirdscreen:MikhailandKonstantinSokolov.
Theylooklikeghoulslurkinginthedark.Thetwomenaresopalethecameradoesn’tquiteknowwhattodowiththem.Thebrightnessshiftsandflares,tryingtofindsomethingtofocusonuntilMikhailflipsonalightbehindthecamera.
ThelighthighlightsthebruiseIleftunderhisrighteye.Icanpracticallyseetheoutlineofmyknucklesalonghiseyesocket.There’salongscrapeonhisnoseandchinfromwhereheskiddedacrosstheconcrete.
Servesthemotherfuckerright.
“Thingshavechanged,”Konstantinsays.“Ithoughtitwouldbeagoodideatotouchbaseandmakesureeveryoneunderstandswhatisatstake.”
“Nothinghaschanged.I’mgoingtokillyouall.”
AllowingCoratomakethecalltoletFrancialivewastherightchoice.Istandbyit.ButI’llstillfantasizeaboutchokingthelifeoutofheruntilthedaysheisdead.
“Andthereiswhywecan’tmeetinperson,”Franciasighs.“Allthisviolenceisbadfornegotiations,Ivan.”
“Ihavenointentionofnegotiating.”
“Wedon’twanttonegotiate,either,”Konstantinagrees.“Thetimeforthathaspassed.”
Franciafrownsatthescreen.“Thenwhatisthis?Thelasttimewetalked,weweregoingto—”
“Thelasttimewetalked,Francia,youbroughtsomeinformationtoourattention.Somecrucialinformation.”
“Andyoureturnedthefavorbynotpreppingmeforthismeeting,”shesnaps.“I’mnotfeelingreal‘crucial’overhere.”
Theycanbickeralltheywant,butI’mnotinterestedinsittinginontheirgrouptherapysession.“Gettothepoint,Sokolov.Whatthefuckdoesanyofthishavetodowithme?”
“Thishaseverythingtodowithyou.”KonstantinnudgesMikhail,whoshiftsoutofframe.“Thisallstarted,forme,whenmyKaterinawaspromisedtoyou.ThatdealwasneverfinalizedandIlostwhatwouldhavebeenasolidinvestment.”
“ThenIsuggestyoukeepyourkidsonatighterleashnexttimeyouwanttoexploitthemforyourownpersonalgain.”
Throughthevideocall,it’shardtotellifhe’sfazedbytheangercracklingoffofmeliketoxicradiation.“Thiswasn’tjustformypersonalgain.AmarriagetoKaterinahelpedyou,too.Yourfatherwouldn’thaveagreedtothematchotherwise.”
“MyfatherandIdon’talwaysseeeyetoeye.Hewantedapartnershipwithyou;Iwanttoburyyoualive.”
Konstantingrimacesandfoldshishandsinfrontofhim.“Regardless,yourfatherandImadeadealandyouagreedtoit.Yougavemeyourwordthatmydaughterwouldbeyourbride.”
“Thenyourdaughterdisappeared.Ican’tmarryamissingpersonposter,soIdon’tseewhyyou’rewastingmytime.”
“Didshedisappear,though?”Konstantinmuses.
Hegesturestosomeoneoff-cameraandsuddenly,afigurebarrelsintotheframe.There’sadarkpillowcaseovertheirhead.
Acreepingfeelingofdreadripsthroughmygut.Whatthehellisgoingon?
“Well,”KonstantinpresseswhenIsaynothing,“didshe?That’swhateveryonesaid.Youwouldknowbest,though.Wasshemissing,Ivan?”
Heisbluffing.It’satrick.Hewantsmetoadmitsomething,butI’mnotstupid.There’snowaythathe—no,Iwon’tevenletmyselfthinkit.
Isitbackinmychair.Breathe,motherfucker,Isayinmyheadagainandagain,tryingandfailingtomakemyselfrelaxevenaseverythinginsideofmegoesrigid.
“Idon’thavetimeforthis,Konstantin.SaywhatyoudraggedusallheretosayorI’mleaving.”
Hejusttutsandpurseshislipsagain.“Well,younolongerhaveanyonetofunnelmoneytoviasecretoffshoreaccounts.Hopefully,thatfreesupenoughtimeforyoutolistentowhatIhavetosay.”
Thedreaddoubles.
No.Hedidn’tfindher.There’snoway.
Exceptthereisalwaysaway.Ifsomeoneknewwheretolook…Iftheyhadanudgeintherightdirection…
No.Evenifhefollowedthemoney,hedoesn’thaveher.Iwouldhaveheardbynow.Iwouldhaveknown.Iwouldhavepreventedit.
ThecloakedfigurenexttoKonstantinisshiveringnow.
“IcouldhaveallthetimeintheworldandIstillwouldn’thavetimeforthis,Konstantin.SpititoutorI’mhangingup.”
Hesmilesacidly.Then,withamelodramaticflourish,heripsthepillowcaseawayfromhisprisoner.First,it’snothingbutamessoflong,tangledhair.ThenKonstantingrabsthepersonbytheneckandforcesthemintothecamera.
Thereisnobackgroundvisiblenow.Noadjustmentforthelenstomake.
Theentirescreenisfilledfromcornertocornerwiththebruised,terrifiedfaceofKaterinaSokolov.
“Katerina,”Ibreathe.It’ssosoftthatthemicrophonedoesn’tpickupthesound,buttheycanseemyface.
She’sthinandpale,evenconsideringthatshesharestheSokolovfamilygenes.Herhairisariotofknotsfanningoutaroundherhead.Themottledcolorinherfaceishalf-bruising,halfbagsofsleepdeprivationpilingupbeneathhereyes.
Suddenly,she’sjerkedback.Mikhailappears,hoveringoverhershoulder.
“MyKaterinahascomehomeatlast,”Konstantincroons.Hedrapesanarmaroundhisdaughter’sshiveringshoulders.“Ithoughtyoutwoshouldbethefirsttoknow.”
“Whatthefuck,Konstantin?”Franciashrieks.Somehow,shelooksevenmoreshockedthanIam.
“Joyousday,isn’tit?”Mikhailsquatsdownlookingjustassmugashisfather.
“Thiswasn’t—”Franciashakesherheadandleanstowardsthecamera.“Ididn’tpassinformationalongsoyoucould—Youweren’tsupposedtobringherhome.Thisruinseverything!”
Itallclickstogether.Truthslappingmeinthefacewithacold,hardhand.FranciadeliveredinformationaboutwheretheSokolovscouldfindKaterinaand,insteadofrewardingher,theycutheroff.
Now,Katerinawilltakeherplaceatthealtarwithme.Whethershewantstoornot.
“Foryou,”Mikhailcorrects,shiftingaroundsohissmugfaceisbetweenhisfather’sandsister’s.“Itruinseverythingforyou,Francia.Butyouwerealwaysjustameanstoanend.Now,wehaveanewmeans.Wehaveanewend.Wedon’tneedyou.”
“Whatdoyouwant?”Igritthewordsoutbetweenclenchedteeth.
Katerinawon’tevenlookatthescreen.Hereyesarelockedonthetableinfrontofher.Everytimeherfatherorbrothergetclose,sheflinches.
Whatdidtheydotoyou,Kat?
Igavehermoneyandsentheraway.She’ssupposedtobeoffinhernewlife,awayfromallofthisshit.
“Iwantwhatwaspromisedtome,”Konstantinsayssharply.“Iwantyoutomarrymydaughter.”
“That’snotwhatweagreedto!”Franciashrieks.
Iignoreherandshakemyhead.“That’snotgoingtohappen.”
“Thenshedies.”
Konstantinshrugslikeitdoesn’tmattereitherwaytohim.Likeit’snothisownfuckingdaughter’slifethathe’stossinginthemiddleofthetablelikeapokerchip.
“Youwouldn’tfuckingdare,”Isnarl
“I’mabusinessmanfirstandforemost,Ivan.Ifanassetisn’tservingme—ifit’sdraggingmedown—Icutitloose.”HereachesoverandtucksalockofKaterina’sblondehairbehindhershoulder.“NotonlydidKaterinanotmarryyouandbringaninfluxofcashandconnectionsintoourfamily,shefled.Shedisappearedandembarrassedusall.Soeitheryoumakegoodonyourdealandshebecomesabenefittome—orIkillherjusttoridmyselfoftheshame.”
“Itwouldbeeasy,”Mikhailadds.“Everyonealreadythinkssheismissing.Nooneknowsshe’sback.Wecouldslitherthroatandnoonewouldknowathing.”
Franciawavesherhandintheair.“I’dknow.I’dtelleveryonewhatyoudid.”
“You’ddie,too,”Konstantinsays.“Noonewouldmissyou.”
Franciatriestocomeupwitharesponse,butthereisn’tone.He’sright.Shehandedoverallofhercardsandnowtheydon’tneedher.NotwhentheyhaveKaterina.
“You’reasickfuckingmonster,”Irumble.
“Iamamanmakingthingsright!”heroars,suddenlyenraged.Thebloodinhischeeksturnshimasicklypurple.“Youthinktheworldisyours.Thatyoucangiveandtakeasyoufuckingplease.ButyouwilltakewhatIgiveyou.Andmysonwilltakebackthewomanyoustolefromhim.”
Istiffen.“Coradoesnotbelongtohim.”
“Shedid!”Mikhailseethes.“CorawaspromisedtomethesamewayKaterinawaspromisedtoyou.”
Konstantinnods.“Asitstandsnow,you’rerobbingmeoftwogoodmatchesformychildren.Ican’ttakethatkindoflossonthechin,Ivan.Ithastobedealtwith.”
Ican’tgiveintothisshit.Can’tshowweakness.IftheSokolovssmellbloodinthewater,they’llcomeformythroat.TheBratvaisalreadyinatenuouspositionwiththetransferofpowerfrommyfathertome.There’snotellingwhatmighthappenifthisshitbreaksloose.
Iliftmychin.“Irefusetobeextortedbyamudaklikeyou,Konstantin.Sothere—it’sdealtwith.WhyshouldIcareifyoukillyourowndaughter?”
Atthat,Katerinafinallyglancesup.It’sonlyforasecond,buthereyesflashtowardsthecamera.
Andthere’ssomuchfearinthem.
IhopetoGodsheknowsI’mbluffing.
“Maybeyoudon’tcare,”Konstantinponders.“Thenagain,ifyoudidn’tcare,youwouldn’thavemadesureKaterinastayedhiddenforsolong.Youwouldn’thavekeptsendinghermoneyaftershevanished.That’showwetrackedher,youknow?Wefollowedthemoneyoverseas.Breadcrumbsfromyoutoher,laidoutsoneatly.Niceplaceyouputherupin,butthedoormancouldn’tkeepmysoldiersfrombreakingdownherdooranddraggingheroutbyherhair.”
IfIdidn’thavedecadesoftraining,they’dseetheemotiononmyface.Thefury.Theguilt.
“YoumarryKaterinaandCoracomeswithme,”Mikhailchimesin.“Allwillmoveforwardasit’ssupposedto.”
Iclenchmyfistsundermydesk.“Coraisn’tgoinganywherewithyou.Ever.”
“Coraismine,”Franciainterjects.
She’sbeenquietthelastfewminutes,butnow,herteetharebaredandhereyesaredangerousslits.ShelookseverybitascrazyasIknowsheis.
“I’llkillherforthis,”sheadds.“NoonewillgetCoraexceptforme.”
Mikhailshrugs.“Thatcouldbefuntowatch,too.Aftereverythingthatbitchhasputmethrough,it’sprobablybetterformyreputationthatIdon’tmarryher,anyway.”
He’spretendingtobecavalier,butIsawtherageinhiseyestheotherday.Mikhailispissed.IfhegetshishandsonCora,itwon’tendwell.
Konstantinslashesahandthroughtheair,cuttingeveryoneoff.“AllthatmattersisthatIvanhastomakeachoice.EitherhestayswithCoraandIkillKaterina.Orhehonorsthepromisehemade,leavesCora,andmarriesmydaughter.Whatwillitbe,Ivan?”
It’slikechoosingwhichgunIwanttobeshotwith.
Eitherway,someonedies.
IknowwhatIwanttodo,butthewayKaterinakeepslookingupatthecamera…Icanhearhervoiceinmyhead.Sameasitwasthedayshecametomeandbeggedtobesetfree.
Helpme,Ivan.Please.
I’mtryingtodrumupaplanthatcansolveallofthiswhenIhearasqueakyfloorboardinthehallwayoutsidemyoffice.
“Ineedtimetothink,”Isnap.
Konstantinshakeshishead.“You’vehadenoughtime.Decidenowor—”
“Tomorrow.”
“Ivan,”hegrowls.“Wearen’tplayinggameshere.Wewillkillherifyoudon’t—”
“I’mnotplayingagame,either.Ifyouwanttodothisright,let’sdothisright.We’llfinalizedetailstomorrow.Overdinner.”
ThedoorknobtomyofficestartstoturnandIdon’twaitforaresponse.IslamthelaptopclosedjustasCorastepsinside.54CORA
ItoldmyselfeverythingwasfinewhenIwokeupalone.Ivanisbusy.Hecan’tlieinbedallday.He’sprobablyworkinginhisoffice.Don’tfreakout.
Igotdressedandbrushedmyteeth.IfocusedonthesorenessbetweenmylegsasIwalkeddownthestairstohisoffice.Heaskedmetostoptakingmybirthcontrollastnight.Wemighthaveakidtogether!He’scommitted.
Don’tfreakout.
ThenIwalkintohisofficeandseehisface.
He’slookingatme,butheisn’tseeingme.Hiseyesareunfocusedandhisbodyistense.Hishandisshakingfromtheforceheusedtoslamhislaptopclosed.
Nevermind.Thisistheend.
SomethingiswrongandIshoulddefinitelybefreakingout.
Instead,Ismile.“Goodmorning.”
“You’reupearly,”hesaysinalowmonotone.
“Afterlastnight,Iwasn’tsureI’deverberestedagain.”Itryforalaugh,butitsoundshollow.
Hehumsavagueresponseandnods.Buthedoesn’tlookatme.
“You’reupearly,too.Whatareyouworkingon?”
“Nothing.”
IhesitateforonlyasecondbeforeIwalkaroundhisdeskandlaymyhandoverhis.“I’mworriedabouteverythingyou’reworriedabout,Ivan.Whateverisgoingoninyourlife,itmatterstome.Iwanttohelp.”
Heflipshishandoverandcloseshisfingersovermine.“Youcan’t.”
“Thenletmebeunhelpfulwithyou.”Ispinhischairtowardsmeandsettleonhislap.“What’swrong?”
“You’vedealtwithenoughalready.Letmehandlethis.”
Irunmyhanduphisforearmtosqueezetheswellofhisbicep.“Iknowyoucanhandleit.You’vebeencarryingtheweightoftheworldonyourshouldersformostofyourlife.ButIhaven’tbeendoingallofthistrainingfornothing.Letmecarrysomeofit.Iwantto.”
Hishandspreadsacrossmyribslikehe’stryingtoshieldmefromwhatever’soutthere.“ItwasKonstantin.”
Iknownooneisstandingbehindme,butIstillfeeltheurgetoglanceovermyshoulder.“Youweretalkingtohim?”
Henods.“Hewantedtohaveaconversationwithme…aboutKaterinacominghome.”
“Katerina,”Ibreathe,mymouthmovingbeforemybraincancatchup.“Sheis…Shecameback?”
No,she’sgone.Ivansentheraway.Hisex-fiancéeishalfaworldaway.
“Shedidn’tcomeback;shewasforcedback.”Hisfingerstightenonmyside.“Theyfoundheranddraggedherback.ItwasFrancia’slittlepartinggift.”
Mystomachtwists.Ivan’sarmaroundmywaististheonlyreasonIdon’tcrumpletothefloor.“Me.I—Itwasme.Myfault.Whentheyfirstkidnappedme,IthoughtFranciawas…Shemademethinkshewasmyfriend.ItoldheryousentKaterinaawaysoshewouldtrustyou.Itwasallatrick.It’smyfaultthattheyfoundher.It’smyfaultthat—”
“Lookatme.”Ivanpullsmecloserandforcesmyeyestohis.“Noneofthisisyourfault,Cora.Noneofit.TheonlypeopleresponsiblearetheSokolovs,Alexander,andFrancia.I’llmakesureeverylastoneofthempays.”
IsuppressashiverandagallonofguiltI’lldefinitelyhavetowadethroughlater.“SowhydidKonstantincalltotellyouKaterinawasback?Whatdidhewant?”
“Thesamethinghehaswantedforyears.”Hisjawclenchesbeforehecanforcethewordsout.“Hewantsmetomarryher.”
Iknowthis.Konstantinhasn’texactlybeensubtleabouthowmuchhewantsIvantomarryintohisfamily.
WhatIdon’tknowiswhyIvanlookslikethisisadeathsentence.
Hishandfistsinthefabricofmyshirt.“Konstantinwantsmetochoose.HewantsmetopickbetweenKaterinaand…”
“Me,”Iwhisperasunderstandingfinallysinksin.“Andifyouchooseme…shedies.”
Heleansforwardsohisforeheadisrestingonmychest.“IgotheroutofthiscityinthefirstplacebecauseIknewthey’dkillher.Shedidn’twantanypartofthisworld,ofthislife.IknewKonstantinwouldkillherratherthanloseher,soIsentheraway.Now,hehasherback.”
Istrokemyfingersthroughthehairatthebackofhisneck.Thatbitofsilkyfrictionistheonlythingkeepingmetetheredtorealityinsteadofblastingoffintoafull-onfreak-out.“Idon’twantsomeonetodiebecauseofme.”
“Thisisn’tbecauseofyou.Thisisbecauseofme.AndI’mfuckingstuck,”hegrowls.“IfIchooseyou,Katerinadies.AndifIchoose—”
Beforehecanevensayit,Igrabhisstubbledface.OureyesmeetforonlyasecondbeforeIvantightenshisarmsaroundmeandourlipscrushtogether.
IshiftsoI’mstraddlinghiminhisdeskchair,myfeetonthefloor.MysleepshirtslipsupmythighsandIvanstrokeshiscallousedfingersovermyskin.Justthatlittletouchhasmeonfire.
Ican’tgivethisup.Ican’twalkaway.
“Ican’tevenhearyousayyoucouldbewithsomeoneelse,”Iwhisper,breathingheavily.“HowamIsupposedtoletitactuallyhappen?”
Hegripsmyhipsandsettlesmeoverhiswaist.“IfIchooseyou,they’llcomeafteryouevenmorethantheyalreadyhave.AndifIdon’tchooseyou,they’llstillfuckingcomeafteryou.Somuchhashappenedthattheywantrevenge.Theycan’ttakeitoutonme,sotheywanttotakeitoutonyou.”
Itwinemyfingerstogetherbehindhisneck.“Soundslikeitdoesn’tmattereitherwaythen.”
“Itdoesmatter.Itistheonlyfuckingthingthatmatters,Cora!IcouldchooseKaterinaandthengetyououtofthecitythewayIwantedtofromthestart.I’llmakeyoudisappear.You’llbe—”
“Dead.I’llbedead.Ifyousendmeaway,Iwon’tsurviveit.I’vebeenawayfromyoubeforeandIcan’tdoitagain.”Ikisshisjawline,trailingmylipstohisear.“I’myours,Ivan.Pleasedon’tmakemeleave.”
Hegrowlsandhishandstightenonmyheatedskin.MynightshirtisaroundmywaistandIyankitovermyheadsoonlythetinyscrapoffabricbetweenmylegsseparatesus.
Hiseyestrailovermybodypossessively.“That’swhyIhavetosendyouaway.Becauseyou’remine,Cora.Ihavetoprotectyou.”Ivankissesmychestandcircleshistonguearoundmynipplesuntilmytoesclench.
“Youcan’t.I’d…I’d…I’dmarrysomeoneelse.”
Hisfingersdigpossessivelyintomyhips.“Excuseme?”
“I’dfindsomemanIdon’treallylove,”Icontinue,“andI’dmarryhim.Itwouldbeoutofloneliness.BecauseIneededadistraction.BeingwithoutyouandknowingyouwerewithKaterinawoulddrivemeinsaneandI’dmarrysomeoneelse.Itwouldbelikenoneofthiseverhappened.”
Witheveryword,Ivan’sholdonmegrowstighter.He’scrushingmeagainsthischestsoIcanbarelybreathe.
“Isthatwhatyouwant?”Ipant.
Hedoesn’tanswer.Instead,helaysclaimtoeverybitofmyskinhecantouchandtaste.Iliftmyselfupandreachbetweenus.HisbreathishotonmyneckandmycollarboneasIunbuttonhispants.
We’rebarrelingtowardssomething.Acliff,awaterfall,abreakingpoint.We’regoingtogotumblingover—thatmuchisguaranteed.ThequestioniswhetherIfallaloneorwefalltogether.
Iwrapmyhandaroundhisdickandhecatcheshisbreath.
“Doyouwanttosendmeaway?”
Hiseyesdarken.“Iwanttokeepyousafe.”
“Soyou’rewillingtogivemeuptosomeoneelse?”Islidemyhandupandbackdown.“You’regoingtoletmemarryanotherman?You’regoingtoletmetouchanothermanlikethis?”
Beforethewordsareevenoutofmymouth,Ivanstandsupandsitsmeontheedgeofhisdesk.Hewrapsmylegsaroundhiships,shovesmypantiesaside,andfillsmeinonethrust.
Ican’tgivethisup.Iwon’t.
Whenhe’sseateddeepinsideofme,Ivangripsmychinandlooksintomyeyes.“Youcan’tbewithanyoneelse.Ever.You’remine.”
“I’myours.”Tearsburninmyeyes.Iblinkthemback.“I’myoursandyou’remine.Thereisn’tanyoneelse.Therecan’tbe.”
IvankissesmeuntilI’mlyingflatonthedeskinfrontofhim.Splayedandvulnerable,hedrivesintomeagainandagain.Hecirclesmyclitwithhisthumbandpalmsmybreasts.Thesexisfastandgreedyanddesperate.Hetouchesmelikeheownsme,heartandsoul.
Becausehedoes.
Ifallfirst,clenchingandcryingoutuntilIvanfollowsaminutelater.Whenwe’refinished,hescoopsmeupoffthedeskandholdsmeinhislapagain.“We’rebackwherewestarted,”Ivansays,kissingmybareshoulder.
“Yeah.ExceptIthinkImightknowwhatweneedtodo.”
Hearchesabrow.“Youwerethinkingofaplanthroughallofthat?”
“I’magreatmultitasker.”Igrin.“Ijustneedtoknowonething.Doyoustillhavemyengagementring?”55IVAN
ImeetKaterinaatthetopofthedrivewayinfrontofthemansion.JustlikeItoldKonstantinIwould.
She’swearingasatingownthatmusthavefitheratsomepoint,butithangsoffofherfrailshouldersnow.Herarmsarethinandhercheeksaresunkenin.ItisdefinitelyKaterinawalkingtowardsme,butallIseeisCora.
AndnotCoraasshewasjustafewhoursagowhenIfuckedheronmydesklikeI’dnevergettodoitagain.TheCoraIseesuperimposedoverKaterinaisCoraasshewasinthatphotoofherfromthepaper,herbonyarmwrappedaroundMikhail’s.AwiltedCora.AdyingCora.Itwasliketouchinghimdrainedthelifefromher.
IseethatsamemutehorrorinKaterina’sface.
Oneday,I’mgoingtokillthemallforwhatthey’vedonetotheseinnocentwomen.
“Howdidyouconvincehimtoletyoutalktomealone?”KaterinaaskswhenI’mcloseenoughtohearherquietmurmur.
Iignoreherquestion.“Ifyouhaveawire,tellmenow.”
“Idon’thavea—”
“Givemeasignal,”Idemand,stoppingafewfeetaway.“Onehecan’tsee.”
Sheglancesoverhershoulder,lookingbackatthecaridlingatthebaseofthedrive.IknowKonstantinisinsidewatchingoureverymove.Itwasaconditionofthismeeting.Theotherconditionwasthatwewouldn’tberecorded.
Sheholdsoutherarmsandletsthemfalltohersides.“Idon’thaveawire.IfIdid,I’dwinkorsomething.ButIdon’t.It’sjustthetwoofus.”
Justthetwoofusandthedozen-plusSokolovsoldiershidinginmybushes.
“Howdidyouconvincehimtoletyoutalktomealone?”Katerinaasksagain.
“Ididn’tneedtoconvincehim,”Igrowl.“Nomatterwhatyourfathertellsyou,Ihavetheupperhand.HeneedsthisdealmorethanIdo.IcandowhateverIwant.”
Sheshakesherheadsadly.“Ifthatwastrue,neitherofuswouldbehererightnow.I’dbeanoceanawayfromthesepeople.”
Tearswellinherpuffyeyes.She’sdonealotofcryingthelastfewdays;thatmuchisobvious.Ireachoutandsqueezehershoulder.IneverwantedtomarryKaterina,butIalwayslikedher.Shewasahellofalotbetterthananyoneelseinherdisgustingfamily.
“I’mgoingtogetyououtofhereandbackhome.Youjusthavetotrustme.”
“Idotrustyou,Ivan.Oratleast,Itrustthatyou’rebetterthanthemeninmyfamily.Youtriedtodotherightthingbymeevenwhenyoudidn’thaveto.ButhereweareagainandI’mnotsureevenyoucangetmeoutthistime.”
“Myplandoesn’tdependonyoubeingsure.Ijustneedyoutostayoutofmyway.”
“Whatplan?Whatareyougoingtodo?”
“Thereismorethanyourlifeonthelinehere,”Isaysoftly.Itrustshedoesn’thaveawireon,butI’mnotgoingtotakeanyunnecessaryrisks.Notwiththis.“FollowmyleadandI’llgetyouwhereyouwanttogo.Doyouunderstand?”
Katerinastaresatmeforafewseconds,pondering.Thensheleansin.“I’mnotmarryingyouoranyoneelse.Ineverwantedthat.Iwanttobeonmyown.Independent.Whateveryourplanis,takethatintoaccount.”
Inod.“Alreadydone.”
“AndwhenIleave,I’mtakingmysisterswithme,”sheaddsinquickly.
Hardertomanage,butnotimpossible.GiventhewayKonstantinkeepstryingtosellthemofftothehighestbidder,it’sprobablyagoodidea.“I’lldomybest.”
Sheobviouslydoesn’tlovethatanswer,butit’sallshe’sgoingtoget.“Thankyou,Ivan.”
Ipressahandtoherlowerbackandwalkhertowardsthefrontdoor—thesigntoKonstantinthatourconversationisover.“Don’tthankmeyet.Saveitforlater.Whenyou’refree.”
KaterinaandIarestandingintheentrywaywhenKonstantinandMikhailwalkthroughthefrontdoor.
Mikhail’sfacetwistsintoasmirk.“Well,aren’tyoutwoaprettypicture?Togetheratlonglast.”
Onsecondthought,fucktheplan.I’llskipdinnerandkillhimnow.
“Enough.”KonstantinelbowspasthissonandlooksfromKaterinatome.“Haveyoumadeyourdecision,Ivan?”
“ItoldyouI’dhaveananswerforyouatdinner,didn’tI?”Isnap.
Hisbrowsraise,waiting.“And?”
BeforeIcantellKonstantinthatI’llguthimbeforeIlethimcomeintomyhouseanddemandanswersfromme,thedoorbellrings.Mikhailisclosesttothedoor,sohespinsaroundandthrowsitopen…torevealFrancia.
Mikhail’seyebrowshithishairline.Ijustsigh.I’vestoppedbeingsurprisedwhenshepopsup.She’slikeafuckingcockroach.
“Oh.Mikhail…”Hereyesnarrowbeforeshestrutspasthimintomyhouse.“AmIlate?”
“Youcan’tbelateifyouweren’tinvited.”
KonstantinstepsinfrontofFranciatoboxherout.“Youaren’tpartofthisdeal.”
“Iwasuntilyoucutmeout.Youbrokeyourword,butIwon’tbreakmine.IsaidI’dbehereuntiltheend,sohereIam.”Shepickslintofftheshoulderofherblackdresslikeeverythingisla-di-fucking-da,butherhandisshaking.“Whathappensheretonightconcernsme.I’mstaying.”
“Getout,Francia,”Mikhailbarks.“Youlost.It’sover.”
FranciaisreadytofaceoffwiththeSokolovsinmyfoyer,butit’sawasteoftime.Iknowhowthisendsforallofthem.AsfarasI’mconcerned,themorethemerrier.
Besides,noneofthemshouldbehere.IftheSokolovBratvawasjustatouchmoreinexperienced,I’dkillthemallwheretheystandandbedonewithit.Buttheyareagenuinethreat,evenwiththeirmeagerresources.Iwon’tthrowmymenintoawarifIcanavoidit.
“Everyoneisstaying,”Iannounce.“Gotothediningroom.Grabsomechampagne.”
“Whatarewetoastingto?”Franciaasks.
IslidemyarmaroundKaterina’sshouldersandsmile.“Anewbeginning.”
Katerinagoesrigid,butherfamilyandFranciaarealltoothrilledtonotice.KonstantinthinksI’mmarryinghisdaughter.MikhailandFranciaarebothlookingaroundliketheyexpectCoratobewheeledouttothemonasilverplatter.
Youbettercelebratenow,Ithink.Itwon’tlastlong.
KaterinaandIleadthewaytothediningroom,whereflutesofchampagnearewaitingonatray.Itakeoneandgestureforeveryoneelsetofollowsuit.
It’sahellofascene.Aroomfullofenemiessittinginacircleandsippingchampagne.Completelyunawareofthenoosetighteningaroundtheirnecks.
Istandattheheadofthetable,glassinhand.“Iknowwe’veallhadourtroubles.There’salotofhistoryhere.Betrayalsandpartnershipsalike.Secretsandliesaplenty.IbroughtyouallherebecauseIwanttostartthisnextphaseofmylifeontherightfoot.”
Konstantinraiseshisglassincautiousagreement.“Ilikethesoundofthat.”
“Good.I’mgladyouagreewithme.”Istepbackfromthetablejustasthedoorsbehindmeopen.
Idon’tneedtoseeYashaandLevtoknowthey’rethere.They’restandingoneithersideofthekitchendoors,waiting.Konstantin’seyesdartbetweenthemandme,tryingtogetareadonthesituation.
“Notthatitmatterseitherway,”Icontinue.“Idon’tgiveafuckaboutyourfeelingsorwhetheryouagreewithme.Itwouldjustmakethingssimplerifyoudid.”
Mikhailpointstothedoorbehindme.“Whataretheydoinghere?Yousaidsecuritywouldstayoutside.”
“Yoursecuritywouldstayoutside.Thisismyhouse.IfyouthoughtI’dbeunarmedwhileyouwalkinheremakingdemands,you’reevendumberthanyoulook.”
Konstantinlurchestohisfeet.“Thisisagainstthespiritofthearrangement.”
“AndkidnappingthewomanIlovewasinthespirit?”Isnap.
Konstantinfrowns.Icanpracticallyseethegearschurninginhishead.AmItalkingaboutKaterina?Orsomeoneelse?
Somanypeoplekidnapped.Whocouldpossiblykeeptrack?
“Ifyoucan’thonortheconditionsyourequired,thenwe’llleave,”hespits.“Youcan’tmarrymydaughterandtreatherfamilylikethis.”
KaterinaisdoingexactlywhatIaskedhertodo.She’ssittingquietlyandstayingoutofmyway.Ifonlyherfatherandbrotherwereasaccommodating.
TheybothsteptowardthedoorasifthereisachanceinhellI’dletthemwalkaway.
“Sitthefuckdown,bothofyou.You’renotgoinganywhere.Ihaven’tevenmademyannouncementyet.”
“Withthewaythingsaregoing,Idon’tthinkIwanttohearit,”Konstantinseethes.“I’vewaitedalongtimeforthis,Ivan.Foryoutofollowthroughwithyourcommitment.Ifwe’regoingtobefamily,then—”
“ThatiswhereI’llstopyou,Konstantin.You’rewastingyourbreath.Wewillneverbefamily.Iwon’tmarryKaterina.”
Konstantinexhalessharply.“You’vemadeyourdecisionthen.”
“Therewasnodecisiontomake.Ican’tmarryher.”
“Can’t?”heasks.“Orwon’t?”
Konstantinislookingatmelikehewantstoimpalemeonthewall.Mikhailissearchingforanexit.Theratwantstoflee,butthereisnowheretogo.NotuntilIreleasethem.IfIreleasethem.
“Can’t,”Irepeat.“Ican’tmarryKaterina—oranyoneelse,forthatmatter.It’stoolate.”
Iextendmyarmout,champagnefluteheldlightlyinmyhand.Ionlyhavetowaitafewsecondsbeforedelicatefingerssliparoundthestem.
Irevelintheirstunnedsilence.
Coradoes,too.Icanseeheroutofthecornerofmyeye,headheldhigh,shouldersback.Sheissheergraceasshepressestheglasstoherlipsanddrinks.JustlikeItoldherto.
Shetipsthechampagnebackslowly,lettingthelightreflectofftheglisteningdiamondonherringfinger.
Itakeherotherhandinmineandfacemyguests.“I’malreadymarried.”56IVAN
Theannouncementisstillsettlingoverthesilentroomwhenachairscrapesawayfromthetable.
Ithappensquickly.Franciaisstaringopen-mouthedonesecond;thenext,shethrowsherchairbackandsprintsatCora.
Armsflailing,mouthopeninascream,Francialookslikeshe’spossessed.Maybesheis.Itwouldexplainalot.
Idon’tthink—Ijustreact.IshiftovertoblockCoraandFranciaslamsintomychestinstead.Butit’sliketryingtoholdarabidraccoon.She’ssofocusedonhergoalthatshebarelynoticesme.Shejustreachesovermyshouldersandkeepsclawing,screeching,scratching.
Ishoveherback,butbeforeIcantakeaswing,Yashabeatsmetoit.
Mysecond-in-commandgrabsFranciabythecollarofherlittleblackdressandflingshertotheground.Sheimmediatelytriestocrawlbackup,butheplantsafootinherchestandkicksdownhard.Herheadbouncesoffthetilewithanastycrackandshegoeslimp.
“Damnit,”Yashamutterstohimself.“Ihopedthatwouldlastalittlelonger.”
MorechairsscrapeasMikhailandKonstantinmovecloserforabetterlook.
“She’sbreathing,”Itellthem.“NotformuchlongerifshewakesupandrunsforCoraagain.Butforrightnow,she’sbreathing.”
“Idon’tcareabouther,”Konstantinhisses,glaringatFrancia’scrumpledbody.ThenhisrageshiftstoCora.“Thisisabouther.Wehadadeal,Ivan.”
“Sodidwe,”Mikhailgritsout.HisbeadyeyesarefixedonCora.“Youbelongtome.”
AnanimalsoundIcan’tcontrolshuddersthroughmychest.It’stheonlyresponseIcanmanagethatdoesn’tinvolvecrackingtheirheadsopen.
Corasqueezesmyhand.“Ineverbelongedtoyou,Mikhail.Ineverwill.”
Konstantinsnorts.“Thiswon’tstand.Katerinahasbeenruinedbyherconnectiontoyou.Noonewillmarryhernow.Notwiththistrailofdramabehindher.She’suselesstome.”
Katerinadoesn’tflinch.Ifanything,she’sprobablythrilled.SheneverwantedtobeusedbyKonstantin.
LevwalkscalmlypastmeandoffersahandtoKaterina.Whenwewereuplatelastnightchoreographinghowthisdinnerwouldgo,Isuggestedanothermanforthejob.ButAnyawouldn’thearofit
“LevisagentlegiantwhosavedanotherBratvadaughterfromaterriblefate.”Shesqueezedherhusband’shand,tearsshininginhereyes.“It’sanice,full-circlemomentforhimtoescortKaterinaawayfromherfather,too.”
Katerinamustagree,becauseshetakesLev’shandwithoutasecondthoughtandstartstofollowhimout.
“Whereareyougoing?”Konstantincallsafterher.
Hestartstoreachforher,butIblockhispath.“Yousaidshe’sruined.She’suselesstoyou,remember?Itdoesn’tmatterwhereshe’sgoing.”
“Thatismydaughter!”hecries.“Ideservetoknowwheresheisgoingandwhoshewillbewith.Ideserve—”
“Youdeservetobeexecuted,”Itellhimflatly.“Youdeservetobemadeanexampleof.IsuggestyoushutyourfuckingmouthandbegratefulI’mofferingyouawayout.”
Hisfaceisredandtheveininhisneckisthrobbing.“Idon’tneedyoutooffermeanything.I’mnotsurrendering.”
“Thenyou’llbeobliterated.”IshrugasifIdon’tcareeitherway.Truthfully,Idon’t.“Corawasalwaysgoingtobemychoice.ThereisnotasinglerealityinthisuniverseoranyotherwhereIendupwithanyoneelse.Youcanfightmeonthatanddieoryoucanbowoutgracefullyandstillgetareward.”
Konstantin’seyesnarrow,slicingfrommetoCoraandbackagain.“Areward?”
“It’samercy,really,”Icorrect.“Coraismywife,Katerinagoesfree,andIofferyouabusinessmergerthatgivestheSokolovfamilymorepowerthananymarriageeverwouldhave.”
BeforeKonstantincanrespond,Mikhailbarksoutalaugh.“Whythefuckwouldwetrustyouaftereverythingyou’vedone?You’vegonebackonyourwordtoomanytimestocount.You’vebrokenuptwodifferentmarriagestostandherewithCordeliaandyouwantmeto—”
“Hername,”Ibellow,therageinmychestflaringbright,“isCoraPushkin.”
Mikhailfaltersastep.Iclaimthelostground,stridingcloseruntilI’mtoweringoverhim.“Andmydecisionisfinal.Nothingyousaycanorwillchangemymind,exceptinhowIchoosetodealwithyou.EitheryougraciouslyacceptthishandoutoryoukeeptalkingandI’llslaughteryouhereandnow.”
“Wehavesoldiersoutside.”Mikhailraiseshischin,butdoesn’tmoveanycloser.“Wearereadytofight.”
“SoamI.I’llkillyouandcommandmymentoslaughtereverylastoneofyoursoldiersbeforeyourlifeless,uselessbodyevenhitsthefloor.”IturnmyfocustoKonstantin.AsmuchasIwanttoendMikhail,Ihaveotheraffairstohandlefirst.“Ifyouaren’tmyallies,thenyou’reathreat.AndIwon’tletanythreattomywifesurvive.”
Mywife.Thetitlesingesthetipofmytongue.It’sapleasantburn.IplantorepeatitoverandoverandoveragainuntilI’musedtoit.PreferablywhileI’mburieddeepinsideofher.
“Whatarethedetailsofthismerger?”Konstantincroaks.
Mikhailwhipsaround,eyesblazing.“Youcan’tbeserious,Father!Wecannotaccepthisterms.He’sthrowingshitatusandwaitingforustolickitup.We’renotpathetic.”
Ismirk.“Ibegtodiffer.”
“Shutup,Mikhail.”Konstantin’svoiceechoesoffthehighceilings.Helooksbackatme,andonelookintothosebeady,calculatingeyesisallIneedtoseetoknowthathegetsthepicturehere.Thathetakesthisdealsightunseenorhegetscrushedbeneathmyboot.“Iacceptyourterms.”
“No!”Mikhailisshaking.“Wedon’taccept.Idon’taccept.Whataboutme?Thatbitchwaspromisedtome!”
HejabsanaccusingfingerinCora’sdirection.Idon’thesitate—Igripitandtwist,notstoppingevenwhenIhearthecrackofsplinteringbone.
Mikhaildropstohisknees,hisscreamsechoingoffthetile.
Ileandownandwhisperinhisear.“Talkaboutmywifelikethatagainandnexttime,thatwillbeyourneckcracking.”
Konstantingrabshisquiveringsonbythearmandhaulshimup.“Therewon’tbeanexttime.We’releaving.”
IcouldsayalotofbadthingsaboutKonstantinSokolov,butatleastheknowswhenhe’sinoverhishead.
Theoldmanistryingtowrestlehissontowardsthedoorwhenheloseshisholdonhim.Mikhailhasbeenanobedientlittledogforyears.Now,he’sofftheleash.
“Wearen’tleavinganywhere.”Histoplipiscurledandhisteetharebared.“I’mnotwalkingawaywithmytailbetweenmylegs.NotaftereverythingI’vebeenthroughtogether.CordeliafuckingSt.Clair,youarenothing.”
“Mikhail!”Konstantingrabsforhisshirt,butMikhailpullsaway.
“Youthinkyouarebetterthaneveryoneelse.Butyouarenothingbutapowerlesslittlewhorewhoneedstobeputinherplace.Youare—”
IstoppedhearingMikhailthemomenthestartedspeaking.Itdoesn’tmatterwhathe’ssaying.He’sinsultingmywifeandthat’smorethanenoughreasonformetoknockhisheadoffhisshoulders.
HisfaceistheonlythingIcanseeinmynarrowedfieldofvision.Myfistishurtlingtowardit—when,suddenly,he’sgone.
Iblinkandlookdown.MikhailissprawledonthefloorafewfeetfromFrancia,hisarmsandlegslimp.
Ittakesmeasecondtorealizewhathappened.Glancingtomyside,IseeYashagrinningandshakingouthisknuckles.“Twofortwo,”hebrags.
“Youbeatmetohim,”Irealize,blinkingoutofmydaze.
He’scheesingfromear-to-ear.“Sorry,brother.Hatetostealyourthunder.Butyoualreadygottohitthesonofabitchonce.I’vebeendyingformyturn.”
“Iwasn’tgoingtohithim;Iwasgoingtokillhim.”
“Don’t.”Konstantinstandsoverhisson,hiseyespleading.“Please.Letmedealwithmyboy.I’llgethimoutofhere.Don’tkillhim.”
Suddenly,Cora’shandloopsthroughmyarm.Shedoesn’tsayaword,buthertouchisenough.
She’sokay.
Wesurvived.
We’rehere.
“Don’tlethimnearme,”Igrowl.“Keepyoursonawayfrommeandmyfamily.ThisisthelasttimeIshowyouanymercy.DoyouunderstandwhatI’mtellingyou?”
Konstantinlowershisheadinagrimnod.Thenhedragshisson’sunconsciousbodyoutofmydiningroom.57CORA
Thisisover.We’redone.
Idon’tletmyselfbelieveituntilKonstantinhasdraggedMikhailthroughthefrontdooranditslamsclosedbehindthem.
Isthiswarfinallyover?AmIfree?
IvanisstillstaringatthedoorlikeheiswaitingfortheSokolovstorunbackin,armedtotheteeth.It’snotsuchacrazyidea.Theyaren’teasytoputdown.
Butthehousestaysquiet.
IreachoutandsqueezeIvan’shand.Irunmythumboverhisthickknuckles.Isoakupthewarmthofhistouch.
Wemadeit.
We’reokay.
“Well,thatwentaboutaswellasIthoughtitwould,”Iobservewryly.
Ivanturnsbackandstartstosmile.Thenheseesme—andhisfacefalls.
Ialmostduckdown.Withalooklikethatonhisface,someonemustbebehindme.MaybeFranciaregainedconsciousnessandiscominginforroundtwo.
ThenIvangripsmychinandtiltsmyfaceuptothelight.“You’rehurt.”
“I’m—What?”
“Ididn’tseeitbefore.Youdidn’tsayanything.You’rebleeding.”
“Iam?”Itrytoreachformyface,buthepushesmyhandaway.
“Ineedbandages,”hebarkstowardsthekitchen.“Now!”
I’mnotinpain.Idon’tseeblooddrippinganywhere.AmIinshock?MaybeitallhappenedsofastthatIdidn’tfeelit.I’veheardaboutthathappeningwithstabwounds.Peopledon’trealizeuntilminuteslaterthattheywerestabbedatall.
ButFranciadidn’thaveaknifeinherhand,didshe?Ifshestabbedmeinthehead,IliketothinkI’dknow.
“Isitjustacut?DoyouthinkIneedstitches?”
Ivanpushesmebacktomychair.Mykneesbucklewhentheyhittheseat,andIdropdown.“I’lltakecareofyou.You’llbeokay.”
Amaidrushesoutofthekitchenwithafirstaidkit.IvansnatchesitoutofherhandsandtearsthroughthecontentslikeI’mmomentsawayfrombleedingout.
“Holdthisinplace.”Hepressesapieceofgauzetomyforeheadandthensearchesforabandage.Ivanshakeshishead.Hisjawissetandhiseyesareastormygold.“You’rehurt.Franciahurtyou.”
“Shebarelyeventouchedme.Youstoppedher.”
“Notsoonenough.”
Hepullsmyhandholdingthegauzeaway.Ireachupandfeelthetiniestcutonmyforehead.“This?Thisiswhatyou’reworriedabout?Lookatthegauze,Ivan.Thereisn’tevenanyblood.I’mfine!”
“Stopsayingthat,”hegrowls.HislipsbrushagainstmineandIslidetowardshim.Mythighsopen,straddlinghimwherehekneelsonthefloorinfrontofme.
“I’mfine,”Irepeatsoftly.
Ivandoesn’tseemconvinced.“Noonewassupposedtogetclosetoyou.TheonlyreasonIwentthroughwithyourplanisbecauseyouweresupposedtobesafe.”
“AndIamsafe,Ivan.Lookatme.I’msaferightnow.Withyou.”Igrabhishandsandpressthemtoeithersideofmyface.Hestrokesmycheekswithhisthumbsandthenletshishandsslidelower.Hetraceseveryinchofme,takingstock.
“I’mokay,”Isayagain.“I’mperfect.”
Hecan’tstoprunninghishandsoverme.EvenwhenYashaandLevappear,Ivandoesn’tstoptouchingme.
“What’sthewordonthisone?”YashapokesatFrancia’slimplegwiththetoeofhisshoe.Sheisstillface-downonthetile.“Draghertothedungeon?”
“Howaboutthebottomoftheocean?”Levsuggests.
“That’stooeasyofanendingforher.”Ivanscowls,glancingatheronlybrieflybeforeheturnsbacktome.Hishandsslipovermyhipsandaroundmywaist.Hisfingersmassageintomyspineashegivesthemananswer.“FranciatoldmeshewantedtobeaBratvawife,solet’smakeherone.SendherbacktoMoscow.Lettheold-schoolBratvamemberswatchoverher.”
Yashawincesinsomethingveryclosetosympathy.“Wemightaswellputherinaholeandletherrot.It’llhavethesameoutcome.They’lleatheralive.”
Ivanreachesupandbrusheshisfingeroverthesupposed“cut”onmyforehead.“Good.”
YashaandLevhaulFranciaoutoftheroombyherhandsandfeet.Asshedanglesbetweenthem,Itrytofeelsomething.Angerorvindication.Maybeevensympathy.
Butthere’snothing.
WespentcountlesshourstogetherinthekitchenatQuinta?o’s.WeusedtoopentogetheronSaturdaymorningsandwe’dplayABBAonthejukeboxwhilewewipeddowntables.Onslownights,we’dsplitourtips.
Shewasmyfriend.Andnow…
“Ithoughtthatwouldfeelmore…momentous.”
Ivanisstretcheduponhiskneesnow,hisfacelevelwithmine.“What?”
“Franciabeinghauledaway.Draggedoutofmylifeforever.IthoughtIwouldcaremore.”
“Youdon’t?”
“I’mgladshe’sgone.Ijustthoughtitwouldmattermore,but…”Ishakemyheadandrunmyhandsoverhisshoulders.“TheonlythingIcareaboutisthis.You.”
Ivanhumsashesqueezesmyribs,histhumbsdraggingoverthelacedetailingofmydress.“It’shardtocareaboutanythingwhenyou’rewearingthis.Itwasdistracting.”
“Youdidn’tlookatmeoncewhenIwalkedout,”Ilaugh.
“Ididn’tneedto.”Henuzzlesmyneck,hisstubblescrapingovermypulsepoint.“Icouldfeelyou.Thatwasenough.”
GoosebumpseruptacrossmyskinandIshiver.“Ithinkitmightbeaweddingdress.Itseemedappropriategiven…well,everything.”
Ivankissesmycollarboneandmyneck.Hetrailshishotmouthovermyskin,settingmeonfirepiecebypiece.“Youknowwhatelseseemsappropriate?”
I’mbreathless,eyesclosedandheartthundering.“What?”
Hislipsfindtheshellofmyear.“Claimingyouonthistable.Celebratingthatyouaremineandnow,everyonefuckingknowsit.”
I’velostthepowerofspeech.Instead,IcirclemyarmsaroundIvan’sneckandnod.
Hekissesmewithbruisingforceashescoopsmeupandsitsmeontheedgeofthetable.Untouchedchampagneflutestoppleoverandspill.Ifeeltheliquidsoakingintomydress,butIdon’tcare.I’mgoingtobegIvantoripmeoutofitinasecondanyway.
Turnsout,Idon’tevenhavetoask.Ivangrabsthenecklineofmygownandshredsthebodicefrommycollarbonetomywaistwithonesolidtug.
It’ssohotIcan’tevenbringmyselftocarethatthedressprobablycostthousandsofdollars.
“You’reperfect,”hegrowls.Hiseyesaredarkwithdesireasheshovestheshreddedfabrictothesideandswirlshistongueovermybreast.
Iarchagainsthismouth.“I’myours.”
IvanfinishesrippinghiswaythroughtheskirtwhileIfumblewiththebuttononhispants.Thelaceissoakingupsomeofthechampagne.Therestofitformsasparklingwaterfallthatflowsofftheedgeofthetableandsplatterstothetilefloor.Butitdoesn’tmatter.
Nothingmattersbutthis.
WhenIfinallygetIvan’spantsoutoftheway,Itakehiminmyhandandpresshimtomyopening.Hedoesn’taskifI’msureorteasemehalf-mad.
Withonethrust,hegivesmeexactlywhatIwant.Hegivesmeeverything.
Iclingtohimwithmyarmsandstickylegs.Hishandswraparoundmybutt,pullingmeeventighteragainsthim.Grindingintomeuntilthere’snomorespace.UntilIhavenothinglefttogive.
“Oh,Ivan.Iwantyouthisdeepallthetime,”Igaspashepullsoutandthrustsbackin.“Rightthere.Please.”
HedragsoutofmeandpulsesbackinuntilI’mpracticallycrawlinguphisbodytogetcloser.UntilIamdeliriouswithneedandbeggingforhimtoletmecome.
IvanslipshishandbetweenourbodiesandcircleshisthumbexactlywhereIneedhim.
ThenheholdsmetogetherasIshatter.
Anembarrassingnumberofpeopleareprobablylisteninginfromthekitchen.Yashawillgivebothofusshitaboutthislater.He’lldefinitelytellJordenallaboutitandIwon’thavealegupingettingtoteaseheraboutallofhersecrettrystswithYasha.Butthismomentisworthallofit.Nothingmattersmorethanthismanandthewaybeingpressedagainsthimfeels.
Iwrapmybodyaroundhim,holdinghimtightly.“Neverletmego.Stayhere.”
“I’mnotgoinganywhere.”Hekissesmytempleandliftsmeoffofthetableashefucksmerelentlessly.“I’mstayingrighthere.”
Idon’tquestionhowIvanisabletocarrymefromthediningroomtoourbedroomwithouteveronceslippingoutofme;Ijustenjoyit.Ikisshisneckandrollmyselfdownhislengthuntilhehastostoponthestairs,asteadyinghandonthewall.
“Keepthatupandyou’llkillusboth,”hewarnswithalaugh.
“Ican’tdecideifthatwouldbethebestormostembarrassingwaytodie.”
“Both,”hedecides.“ButI’mserious:quitit.IhaveplansbeforeIdie.”
Hopefully,plansthatinvolvefinishingwhatwe’vestartedhere.Andthenstartingitupagainthemomentwe’redone.
Tomakesurewebothlivetoseethatmoment,Ipivottokissinghisneckandsuckingonhisearlobewhilehewalksusupthestairs,downthehall,andintoourbathroom.
Ivansetsmeonmyfeetinourshowerandpushestheshreddedremainsofmydressfrommyshoulders.Then,beforeIcangethimoutofhisclothes,hespinsmearoundandpressesmypalmsflatagainstthetile.Hisfingersthreadthroughmineslowly.Hekissesmyshoulderbladeandmyspine.Hemoveslower,lickingandsuckinghiswayacrossmyskin.
“Youtastesweet,”hegroans.
Icanfeelhimhardandthrobbingagainstmythigh,Isqueezemylegstogetherandstrokehim.“Ithinkthat’sthechampagne.”
“No,”hegroans,thrustingintomythighs.“It’syou,Cora.It’sallyou.”
Heshiftshishipsand,withoutlettinggoofmyhands,hefillsmeagain.
“Fuck,”hewhispersagainstmyneck.“Howdoyoufeelthisgood?Howisitlikethis?”
Ishakemyhead.Itrulyhavenoidea.EverytimeIvantouchesme,I’mamazedathowwellwefittogether.
There’sbeensomanyliesandcharadesfromthebeginningofourstory.Butthis…thisisreal.Thisheatbuildingbetweenusmeansmorethanaringandasheetofpaperevercould.It’sacommitment.Becausenothingwilleverbebetterthanthis.Afterbeingwithhim,howcouldIeversettleforanythingless?
Ithastobehim.
Now.Later.Forever.
HishandsclencharoundmineandIknowhe’sclose.Iarchback,meetinghisthrustssothesoundofuscomingtogetherechoesoffthetiles.Thenewangleleavesheatpoolinglowinmybelly.
“Rightthere,Ivan,”Ibeg.“Don’tstop.Rightthere.”
Hegrowlsinmyear.“Comeforme,Cora.Comeformeagain.”
AndIdo.
Ivan’shandstwinedthroughminearetheonlyreasonIdon’tmelttotheshowerfloor.Heholdsmefirmly,thrustingthroughmyorgasmuntilhefindshisown.Whenwe’refinished,theevidenceofitdrippingdownmylegs,Ivanfinallytakesofftherestofhisclothesandstartstheshower.
Together,atangleoflipsandlimbs,weletthehotwaterwashawaytheday.58IVAN
“Ithoughttheendofallthiswardoomandgloomwouldmeanyouhadmoretimeforme.”Yashaswaggersintomyofficeandplopsdownacrossfromme.He’stryingtofrown,buthecan’tquitehidehisamusementwithhimself.“I’mamesswithoutyou,compadre.”
Irollmyeyes.“Corahasn’tseenJordenaroundmuchlately,either.Youhaveanyideawhereshe’sbeen?”
Themostobviousgrinspreadsacrosshisfaceasheshakeshishead.“Nope.Haven’tseenher.”
Yashaisn’tfoolinganyone.CoraandIknowexactlywhatkindofdebaucheryourbestfriendsareupto.Butbringitupandit’sdeny,deny,deny.
“Iguessit’shardtoseeclearlywhenthelightsareoffandyou’retangledupinsheetstogether.”
Yashafaux-gasps.“ThefactthatyouthinkI’dhavesexinthepitchdarklikeateenageris…it’sinsulting.IfIeverhadthepleasureofanightwithJorden—whichI’mneitheradmittingnordenying—thenIwoulddoitinfulldaylightwiththewindowsopenandenjoyeverydelightfulsecond.”
He’dbedescribingthosedetailstomeatpainfullengthifJordenwasn’tmakinghimkeeptheirrelationshiponthedown-low.Lefttohisowndevices,Yashaisn’tdiscreetenoughtokeepanythingsecret,letalonewhenhe’shavingcopiousamountsofsex.
Mysecond-in-commandblinksawayhisthoughtsandlooksatme,adopeysmilestillplasteredonhisface.“Anyhow—ifIcoulddothat,thenIwould.ButsinceIcan’t,I’mhereinyouroffice,wonderingwhyyouarehereinyouroffice.Ithoughteverythingwassettled.”
“Everythingissettled.Mostly.”Ipowerdownmycomputerandleanbackinmychair.“Butthere’salwaysmoretodo.”
“Later,”Yashasayssternly.“Rightnow,wecelebrate.TheSokolovsagreedtothetermsyousentthem.Wesplitprofitsfromgunrunning,oneofourleastprofitablesectors,andotherwise,theyaregoingtofuckoff.Mikhailwasn’twrong:wethrewshitonthegroundandtheylickeditrightup.Thatisamajorwindeservingofafewweeksawayfromyourcomputer,atleast.”
“It’snotfinishedyet.Therestillhasn’tbeenanywordfromAlexander.”
Corahasn’tsaidit,butIknowshe’sworriedabouthowherstepfatherisgoingtoreacttothefalloutofeverything.Sofar:silence.Hecouldbegatheringhisforcesforretaliationasfarasweknow.Iwouldn’tputitpasthim.Themanisdesperate.Corawashisonlyrealasset,sowithouther,he’llhavetosucceedbasedonhisownmerits.
Whichmeanshedoesn’tstandafuckingchance.
Yashawavesawaymyconcern.“Alexanderisanobody.Konstantintoldmehe’drelaythedetailsofthearrangementtohim,includingyour‘marriage’toCora.Beyondthat,hedoesn’tmatter.HisonlypowerwasinworkingwiththeSokolovs,butnow,theSokolovsworkforus.”
Iwaver.“Theydon’tworkforus;theyworknearus.Wearen’tpartnersandwehavetobereadyforthemtofindabetterdealsomewhereelseandbetrayus.”
“Iamreadyforthat.I’mlookingforwardtoit,actually.”Yashagrins.“Iwantanothercrackatthoseassholes.Let’sgivethemwhattheydeserve.”
“Ifitwasn’tforCora,they’dalreadybedead.ButIcan’triskhavingtheSokolovarmyoutforblood.They’dcomeforCoraandshehasbeenthroughenough.Idon’twantawar.”
Yashaletsoutalong,lowwhistle.“Shereallyhaschangedyou.”AtthesharplookItosshim,heholdsuphishands.“Inagoodway,man.You’vealwaysbeenastrongleader.Betterthanyourdadeverwas.Forawhilethere,Iwasworriedyou’dburnyourselfoutfightingeveryslightagainsttheBratva.Now,youknowwhat’sreallyimportant.Thementrustyourleadership.”
It’sraretocatchYashainaseriousconversation,butheisn’tsmirkingortossingoutasecretwinkbetweensentences.Hemeansit.
Thatmeanssomethingtome.
“Ithinkwe’rebothmadebetterbythewomeninourlives,”Isay.
Yashastartstonodandthencatcheshimself.“Idon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout.I’mfreeasabird.Nowomaninsight.”
“Right.ThenIguessIwon’tremindyoutotellyourwomanthatyouandIhaveplanstonight.It’sourfirstrendezvouswiththeSokolovlieutenants.Agunshipmentiscomingintotheharbor.”
“Oh.Shit,”hegroans,digginghisphoneoutofhispocket.“Iforgot.Luckily,Ihavenoonetotextandcancelplanswith.Idefinitelywon’ttellhertocomehangoutwithCoratonightsoshe’sherewhenIgetbacktothemansion.”
ThisistheYashaI’musedto.Evenhimkeepingthingsonthedown-lowishimsharingallofhisthoughts,feelings,andplans.
“Goodthing,becauseCoraisbusytonightandcan’thangoutwithanyone.”
Yasha’sfacefalls.“Really?You’relettingheroutofthehouse?”
“Fuckno.Notyet.ButsheandMarcusaremeetingupherefordinner.”
“Wow.That’sabigdealforher.”Hefinisheshistextto“DefinitelyNotJorden”andpocketshisphone.“Isshenervous?”
“Shesaidshewasn’t,whichisalie.Butshe’llbefine.”
Yashastandsupandsaunterstowardsthedoor.“I’msureshewill.Shehasalotofpracticewiththis.”
“Practicespendingtimewithherdadforthefirsttimeintenyears?”
“No.Practicedealingwithemotionally-closedoffmenwhoaredesperatetogettoknowher.”
YashabarelydartsoutofthedoorframefastenoughtododgethepenIchuckathisface.
***
ThewarehouseontheharborhasbeeninPushkincontrolfordecadesOnceuponatime,itwasusedasafrontforillegalpokergamesandclandestinedrugdens.
Now,it’sastoragefacilityontheharborfilledwithconstructionequipment—and,forjustafewhoursonceamonth,weapons.
Aunitofmymenscourthepropertyforanysignofbetrayal.TheyscanthebuildingandthesurroundingwarehousessearchingfortheslightesthintthatKonstantinSokolovisplanningtopushbackagainstourarrangement.
Findingnothing,YashaandIgoin.
“Ifeellikearecruitagain,”hesays,checkingthegunathiship.“Ihaven’tbeenoutonarunlikethisinyears.”
“We’rejustheretonighttomakesurethingsgosmoothly.OnceItrusttheSokolovsaregoingtoupholdtheirendofthedeal,we’llpullbackandlettherank-and-filehandlethetransfer.”
Yashasnorts.“Yousaythatlikeyou’lleveractuallyletyourselftrustthoseslimyfucks.I’mgoingtobehandlingtheweaponstraffickinguntilI’mdead.OruntiltheSokolovsaredead.Whichevercomesfirst.”
“Let’shopethatdoesn’thappentonight,”Imutteroutofthesideofmymouth.“I’dhatetogetbloodonthisshirt.”
WestepthroughthedoortoseeKonstantin’smenwaitinginfrontofpalletsofboxedfirearms.Iapproveeverything,thentheygettowork.Halfanhourlater,theSokolovsoldiersaredonerepackagingtheweaponsshipmentsandhavestartedtakingtheircutofthesupplies.
“Lookatthis,”Yashaproclaims,hisvoiceechoingoffthemetalwalls.“Whowould’vethoughtwe’dallbeherelikeonebig,happyfamily?”
Thereareafewtoomanysuspiciousglancesbeingtossedaroundformetofeellikewe’reafamily.ButthiswholearrangementhasgonealotmoresmoothlythanIthoughtitwould.
Noweaponshavebeenfiredandnooneisdead.IftheSokolovgunrunnersarepissedaboutthedealImadewiththeirboss,theydon’tshowit.Theytoilingrimsilence.
“Catsanddogs,”Yashacontinues.“Oilandwater.Yethereweare,workingtogether.I’minspired.Someoneputmeonthecabinetofforeignaffairs.IthinkI’mreadytocreateworldpeace.”
EveryonehasbeenlettingYasharambleforafewminutesuninterrupted,butsuddenly,avoicecutsthroughthenonsense.“Youreallylovetohearyourselftalk,don’tyou?”
MygunisinmyhandbeforeIeventurnaround.BecauseIdon’tneedtoseewhoitis.Ialreadyknow.
IturntofaceMikhailSokolov.
“Itoldyourfathertokeepyoufar,farawayfromme.”
He’sstandinginthedoorway,flankedoneithersidebyguardswhodon’tstandachanceinhellofsavinghimfromme.
“Myfatherismydon,butheisn’tmykeeper.IcangowhereIlike.”Mikhailwalksslowlyintothewarehouse,armsextendedlikehe’safuckingcircusringmaster.
Yashagroans.“Well,somuchforpeaceonearth.”
TheSokolovmenhavefinishedloadingtheweapons,butthey’reallstandingaroundwatchingtheirfutureleaderquestionme.It’snottheendtotheeveningIimagined.
ButI’dbelyingifIsaidIwasn’texcitedaboutwherethismightend.
Mikhailrunninghismouthandshowingupwherehedoesn’tbelong…Ifthatisn’tareasontoputthismudakdown,thenwhatis?
“Ifyouoryourbossweregoingtokillme,youwouldhavedoneitalready.YouknowwhatIthinkitis?”Hesmiles.“IthinkIvan’slittlewifeyaskedformercyforme.”Mikhailisn’ttalkingtoYashaortomeanymore.He’sgivingaspeechtothegatheredmen.He’stryingtorewritehistory.“Cordeliaplaysthesweetandinnocentpartwell,butnoonebagsmenlikethetwoofuswithoutsomeambition.”
“ThefactthatyouthinkyouandIvanareinthesamecategoryishilarious,”Yashainterjects.“Thefunniestthingyou’vesaidallnight.ButIsuspectwhateveryou’reabouttosayisgoingtobeevenmoreasinine.Please.Keepgoing.”
Yes.Please.Everywordoutofhismouthisyetanotherreasontopullthetrigger.
Mikhailclearshisthroat.“Letmebebluntthen:yourwifeisagold-diggingbitchwhojumpstogobbleupwhateveropportunitylinesherpocketsthebest.WhenyoudriveyourBratvaintotheground,she’llcomecrawlingbacktome.”Heliftshischin,lookingdownhiscrookednoseatme.“She’llbegformetoforgiveher,andIwill—foronenight.ButwhenI’mdonefuckinghersenseless,I’llsnapherneckandthrowherawaylikethetrashshe—”
TheguardtoMikhail’srightgoesdownwithoneshottotheshoulder.
Mikhailducksdown,armsoverhishead,whileYashatakesdownthemantohisleft.Theguardsareonlywounded,notdead,buttheydon’trushbacktotheirfeettosacrificethemselvesinfrontofMikhail.NeitherdoanyoftheotherSokolovsoldiersliningtheroom.
Ihaveafeelingthey’llthankmeoncehe’sdead.
MikhailisstillcoweringwhenIgrabhimbythefrontofhisshirtandthrowhimbackagainstthewall.Hisheadbouncesoffthemetal,thevibrationshudderingupthewall.
“Howisthisfor‘face-to-face’?”Igrowl.“AmIcloseenoughforyou,Mikhail?”
Hiseyesarewide,searchingtheroomforanyonewillingtostepforwardandhelphim.Hecomesupempty.
Islideintohislineofsightandshakemyhead.“Youwouldn’thavecomeherewithoutallthisbackup.YouthoughttheyweregoingtorushintosaveyouYouthoughtyouweresafe.”
“Myfatherwillstartaw-waroverthis,”hestammers.“You’lllosemorethanit’sworth.”
“Morethanwhatisworth?”Iask.“Morethanyou’reworth?Definitely.Youaren’tworththebreathI’mspendingexplainingmyself.ButifyoumeanthatI’lllosemorethankillingyouisworth…Well,Ihavetodisagree.Becausekillingyouisgoingtobefuckingpriceless.”
Ipressmyguntohistemple.Heflinchesaway.Tearswellinhiseyesandsweatbeadsonhisforehead.He’sshakingfromheadtotoelikethespinelesscowardheisandalwayshasbeen.
“Tellmeyou’resorry,Mikhail.”
Helooksupatmequickly,asparkofhopeinhiseyes.“I’msorry,Ivan.Ishouldn’thavecome.I’m—”
Ishakemyhead.“No.Tellmeyou’resorryforwhatyoudidtoCora.Apologizeforeverythingyoudidtoher.”
Hehesitatesforonlyasecondbeforethepressofmymuzzletohisskinremindshimwhatisatstake.
“I’msorryIforcedherintomarriage.I’msorryIkidnappedherandheldherhostage.I’msorryIkeptherfromyou.I’msorryI—I’msorryforeverything.I…Idon’tknowwhatelsetosay.”
“That’senough.That’smorethanenough.”Iletgoofhisshirtandhesagsagainstthewallinobviousrelief.“I’lltellCorathosewereyourlastwords.”
Iletthatsitforhalfasecond.JustlongenoughforMikhailtounderstandwhatishappening.
ThenIshootthemotherfuckerinthehead.59CORA
“MaybeIshouldsitatthehead.”Istandbackandtrytoimaginetheplacesettingthere.“Doyouthinkitwouldbetooformaltohavethewholelengthofthetablebetweenus?”
Nileshasenduredanhourofmyfidgetingandfussingalready,sothepoormanjustshrugs.“Whateveryoudecidewillbefine.”
That’sniceandall,butI’veneverdoubtedmyowndecisionsmorethanIhavetoday.Goldorsilvercutlery?ShouldIwearapantsuitoradress?Fullfaceofmakeuporkeepitminimal?
“Yourdaddoesn’tcareaboutanyofthat,”Ivantoldmethismorningbeforeheclimbedoutofbed.“Heisjustexcitedtositdownandgettoknowyou.Solethimseeyou.Beyourself.”
Thetroubleis,Idon’tknowwhoIam.
Amonthago,IwasawaitressatacheapMexicanrestaurant.Ilivedinadinkyone-bedroomapartmentandspentmylimitedfreetimewatchingrealitytelevisionuntilmyeyesbled.
ThenIwasatarget,bait,IvanPushkin’sfakefiancée,MikhailSokolov’sforcedfiancée(again),andnow…Now,I’mbuildingalifewiththemanIlove.IknowhowtomoveforwardwithIvan.IknowhowtoleaveAlexanderandmymotherandMikhailandFranciabehindme
WhatIdon’thaveasinglefuckingcluehowtodoismergemypastandmypresent.
Mydadwasfirmlyinmypast.Wheredoeshefitinnow?
MythoughtsarespiralingoutofcontrolwhenNileslayshishandsonmyshoulders.“Ifyouwantmyhonestopinion,Mrs.Cora,Ithinkyoutwoshouldtakeyourdinneratthekitchenisland.”
“What?”IspinawayfromthetableandfaceNiles.He’sonlyafootaway,whichistheclosestwe’veeverbeen.He’salwaysstruckmeasarich,formalgrandpa.Youknowhelovesyou,butheisn’tgoingtosayit.“Butyouspentsomuchtimegettingthediningroomready!”
“Idid.Andthenyouspenttwiceasmuchtimemovingitallaroundandrearranging.”
Idropmyfaceintomyhands.“Ugh.I’msorry.I’mbeingtheworst.YouworkedsohardandIundidallofit.You’rebetteratthisthanIam.Ishouldhavejustleftitthewayyouhadit.MaybeIcanmoveitbackand—”
I’malreadyhalfwayturnedaroundwhenNilesstopsme.“No.”
Iblinkathim,toostunnedandfrazzledtofindanywords.
“Youneedtotakeadeepbreath,dear.”
Iinhaleandexhaleslowly.“I’mfreakingout.”
“Youare,”heagrees.“Whichiswhyyou’regoingtostoptouchingeverythingandtrustthatitwillallworkout.Youliketoeatatthekitchenisland,sodothat.Dowhatyouarecomfortablewithandforgetaboutappearancesorwhatanyoneelsewillthink.Beyourself.Thatisenough.”
I’mobviouslyteeteringontheedgeofanervousbreakdown,becauseNiles’littlespeechhasmeholdingbacktears.
“Niles,I—just,thankyou.Iappreciateeverythingyou’vedonetoday.Buttherapysessionsareprobablyoutsideofyourjobdescription.Youcango.I’llfigurethisalloutonmyown.”
“AnythingMr.Pushkinasksmetodoiswithinmyjobdescription.”
Ittakesmeasecondtoregisterwhathe’ssaying.“Holdon—didIvanaskyoutohelpme?”
“Hewasworriedaboutyou,”hesaysbywayofexplanation.“Andhetoldmethatifyouwerespiraling,Iwassupposedtograbyourshouldersandtellyoutotakeadeepbreath.”
I’dbemadthatIvanthinksIneedtobemanagedifithadn’tworkedsowell
“Didhetellyoutogivemeapeptalk,too?”
Heshakeshishead.“No.Thatwasmychoice.Didithelp?”
Ismile.“Yeah.Itdid.Thankyou.”
Sometimes,IforgetthatalongwithIvan,Anya,Lev,andYasha,IalsogainedanentireBratva.Afamilywhowillsupportmeandtakecareofme.IncludingNiles.
I’malmostateasewhenthedoorbellrings.Assoonasitdoes,Istiffenandmyanxietyrampsrightbackuptoelevenoutoften.
ThenNileslaysahandonmyshoulderoncemore.“You’llbefine,madam.I’llanswerthedoorandescorthimtothekitchen.”
I’mtoonervoustodoanythingmorethannodandheadinthedirectionNilespoints.It’smyowndad.Nooneshouldbethisnervoustoseetheirowndad.
Thenagain,nooneshouldbeforcefullyseparatedfromtheirdadandliveonthestreetsasateenager.Butshithappens.
Dinneriskeepingwarmintheovenand,assoonasIstepintothekitchenandtheswirlingaromaofroastedmeatandpotatoes,IknowNilesisright.Thisisthegatheringplace.WhereIvanandImakecoffeeinthemorning.WhereAnyapaintshernailswhileLevandIvantalkoutonthepatio.It’stheheartofthehouseandI’mcomfortablehere.
I’malsoverygladIswappedoutmydressforapairofdarkwashjeansatthelastminute.
Bemyself.I’menough.
Irepeatthosewordstomyselfoverandoveragain,butI’mstillstandingawkwardlybytheislandwhenNileswalksintothekitchenwithmydadrightbehindhim.
“I’llgetyoubothsomedrinksandthencomebackinafewminutesfordinner.”Nilesushershimintotheroomandthentossesmeasubtlewinkbeforehedisappears.
MydadandIstareateachotherforasecondbeforeheholdsoutthebouquetofflowersIdidn’tevenregisterhewasholding.“Theseareforyou.”
“Oh.Wow.Thankyou.”Ifumblewiththemforasecond,ourhandsbrushingawkwardly.
Ican’tbelieveIusedtohugthismanandlethimreadmestoriesbeforebed.He’sastrangernowineverywaythatmatters.
“Nileskeepsthevases…somewhere.”Igesturevaguelytowardsthepantry.“He’llputtheseinonelater.”
“Beforehedoes,makesureyougetthisout.”Hereachesoutandpluckssomethingoutofthecenterofthebouquet.“It’smypoorattemptatanediblearrangementofsorts.Irememberyoulikingthose.”
I’mnotsurewhathe’sholdinguntilheflipsthewhitebagover.
“Isthatsaltwatertaffy?”
Hesmiles.“Fromthatshopweusedtogoto.Marina’sConfectionery.It’sstillopen.Theymovedtoabiggerlocation,buttheystillmaketaffy.Isn’tthatwild?”
Instantly,crystal-clearmemoriesofhoppingdownthesidewalkhand-in-handwithmydadfloodbacktome.Everysooften,he’dtakemewithhimtothehardwarestore.Afterwards,we’dwalkdowntheblockandbuyabouquetfromtheflowerstandandabagofsaltwatertaffyfromMarina’s.I’drationoutthetaffyforweeksafterward,eatingonlyonepieceorhalfapieceperdaytomakeitlast.
Allatonce,theanxietyI’vefeltalldayshiftstosomethingelse.SomethingrawandpainfulthatI’vetriedtosquashdownforyears.
“Arethoseokay?”heasks,misunderstandingmysuddentears.“Doyounotlikethemanymore?Ishouldhaveguessed.Itwasyearsandyearsagowhenyouusedtoeatthose.Ijustthought—”
“Ilovethem.”Iswipeatmyeyesandputonasmile.“Ido.IlovethemsomuchthatI…Ihaven’thadthemsinceyouleft.Er,sinceweleft.Itwastoohardtoremembertheolddays.”
Hisfacepincheswithsympathy.
Ishakemyhead.“I’msorry.Iwasn’tgoingtodothis.Weweregoingtohaveanormaldinner,butIalreadymadeitweird.Ididn’tmean—”
“Youdidn’tmakeitweird.Youmadeithonest.”Heblowsoutabreath.“Allofthisishard,Corde—Cora.Butwe’rehereandI’mgladwe’retryingtofigureitout.Nomatterhowuncomfortableitis.”
“You’reuncomfortable,too?”
“OhGod,yes,”hegroans.“Don’tgetmewrong—I’mhappytobehere.I’msogladyouagreedtohavedinnerwithme.ButIguessowninguptoyourshitisnevereasy.Nomatterhowmuchyouwantto.AndIdowantto.That’swhatI’mheretodo.IwanttotellyouhowsorryIamaboutnotreachingouttoyousooner.Andforbeingangry.”
Nileshasn’tevencomebackwithdrinksyetandwe’realreadydivingintothedeepend.Itfeelsnice,though.I’mtiredofputtingupafacade.
“Iwasangry,too.Istillamalittlebit,”Iadmit.“Notatyou,necessarily,butatthesituation.And,yeah,partlyatyou.”
Heshrugs.“That’sokay.Hopefully,we’llspendenoughtimewitheachotherthatwecansortthroughallofit.BecauseIdon’twantthistobeourlastdinner.Idon’twanttogoanothertenyearswithoutseeingyou.”
Ilaythecandyonthecounterandgrabhishand,holdingitlooselyinmine.“Thenwewon’t.”
Hesmilesandwesitdownattheisland
ItbecomesclearveryquicklythatIspentalldayworryingaboutnothing.Mydadisn’theretojudgethehouseormyhostingabilities.Heisn’tnitpickingandlookingforcracksinmystory.Heisheretogettoknowme.Tomakethingsright.
Heeventriestomakethingsrightbetweenmeandmymom.“I’mnotsayingyoushouldforgiveher,butIthinkyoushouldunderstandher,”hesaysatonepoint.
Hetellsmeaboutherlifegrowingup.Thereasonshewassogoodatlivingonthestreetsisbecauseshe’ddoneitbefore.Herentirechildhoodwasinconstantflux.Nostablehouse,noguaranteedmeals,noonetodependon.
“Whenyouandyourmomleft,thingsweren’tgreatformeatwork.Wewerestrugglingfinancially.Itwasn’tanythingtooserious,buteventhewhisperofproblemssentyourmomspiraling.I’mnotsurprisedsheendeduprunningtoAlexander.Allshewantedwasstability.”
“Financialstability,”Iclarify.“Becausethatmanisnotmentallystable.Idon’tthinkMomisanymore,either.”
ItellhimaboutthelastfewweeksandwhatMomandAlexandertriedtodotome.Icryandhelooksmurderous,butwetalkeachotherdown.Then,somehow,westartlaughing.
Theconversationebbsandflowseffortlessly.Wereminisceongoodmemories,talkaboutthehardtimes,and,bestofall,talkaboutabsolutelynothing.Theweather,television,ourfavoritemusic.WetalkuntilIforgetwhyIwasnervousinthefirstplace.
Whenhe’sdonewiththeappleturnoverNilesmadefordessert,mydadsitsbackandsmiles.“Youseemreallyhappyhere,Cora.”
Ican’thelpbutsmileback.“Iamhappy.I’m…I’minlove.”
Ihaven’tfullyadmittedittoIvanyet.Notintheexactwords.Butheknows
“Helovesyou,too.Thewaythetwoofyouarewitheachother…Well,anyonecanseehowyoufeel.I’mgladyou’vefoundsomeone.”
Anewwaveoftearsthreatenstoflow—whoknewonepersoncouldbethishappy?—whenIhearthefrontdooropen.
Iglanceattheclock.“Wow.Ididn’trealizeitwasalreadyafterten.”Ivantoldmehe’dmakehimselfscarceuntilmydadwasgone,butheprobablydidn’tthinkourdinnerwouldgothislong.
“It’salotlaterthanIthought.”Hestandsupandstretches.“Ishouldgetgoingandletyougettobed.”
“Oryoucouldstayforafewmoreminutes?Ivanishere.Maybewecanall…talk?”
Likearealfamily,Ithink.
Iknowonenightisnotenoughtofixeverything,butit’sagoodstart.AndIvanistheonewhopushedmetoevenbeingopentothisideainthefirstplace.Iwanthimandmydadtogetalong.
“Yeah,sure,”heagrees.“Icandothat.”
“Amazing.I’llgograbhimbeforehesneaksupstairs.He’sprobablytryingtogiveusspace.”
Ilightlyjogoutofthekitchenanddownthehallwaytowardstheentryway.“Ivan!Youcancomebackhereifyou—”
IslamtoastopintheentrywayasFranciaturnstomeandsmiles.
“Wereyouexpectingsomeoneelse?”60IVAN
“Wasthatreallynecessary?”Yashagroanswhenhecomesbackover.
IstepbacktoavoidthepuddleofbloodformingaroundMikhail’shead.Orwhat’sleftofit.
“Hechallengedme.Ididn’thaveachoice.”
NotthatIwould’vechosenanydifferently.
“No,Iknow.”Hesighs.“Imean,Icouldhavedoneit.Itwouldhavebeenarealcleanshot,too.Butyouchargedinandgotyourpoeticjustice.Itmakesforabetterstory,butIjustwouldhavelikedashotathim.Maybenoteventhekillshot.Justagraze.”
“Youcanshoothimnowifyouwant.”ItoeMikhail’slimpleg.“Hewon’tshootback.”
Yashawrinkleshisnose.“Thanks,butnothanks.It’snotthesame.”
“WhatdidyoutelltherestoftheSokolovsoldiers?”
“Whatyoutoldmetotellthem:ifthepolicecomesniffing,noneofthemwereeverhere.They’veneverheardoftheplace,neverheardofyou.Theywon’thaveasinglefuckingcluetoofferuptosolvethismystery.”
“AndifKonstantinasksthemwhathappened?”
Yashaknowsthedrillbynow.We’vecleanedupenoughmessesovertheyearstoanticipatewhatneedstobedone.Butnowisnotimetogetsloppy.
“Mikhailchallengedyou,”Yashasays.“Heshowedupunannouncedandthreatenedyourwife,questionedyourauthority,andrefusedtobackdownevenwhenyougavehimtheopportunitytowalkaway.Youdidn’thaveachoice.”
Ididn’t.Noonegetstotreatmelikethatandlive.
Thatdoesn’tmeanI’mlookingforwardtothewrenchthisisgoingtothrowinmyrelationshipwithKonstantin.
Isighandturnaway,walkingbacktowardswhereIparkedatthebackofthewarehouse.Yashatrailsalongbehindme.“Makesurethebodyiscleanedupanddisposedof,”Itellhim.“Letacoupleofrecruitsdealwiththehands-onworkifyouwant,butIwantyoutooverseeeverything.Idon’twanthimwashinguponthebeachtomorrowmorning.”
“Done.Maybedisposingofhimmyselfwillscratchthemurderousitchtheassholegaveme.Ormaybenot.I’mgettingalittleoldtobehaulingbodiesaround.”
HisphoneringsandYashaturnsawaytoanswerit.He’sthepointmanforsomanydifferentthingsthathe’salwaysonthephone.Idon’tpayanyattentiontoit.
Untilhegrabsmyarmandpullsmetoastop.
“Saythatagain,”heordersintothephone.
“Whoisit?”Iask.
Yashastaresatme,hiseyesgettingbiggerwitheverywordbeingsaidontheotherendofthephone.WordsthatIcan’tfuckinghear.
Igrowlandgrabhisphone,switchingittospeaker.
“—days,maybefour.Wejustfoundthemthismorning.Buttheywerefuckingrippedtoshreds.Shotandstabbedbeyondrecognition.Whoeverdidthisenjoyedit.”
“Tellmewho’sdead,”Ibark.
“Whois—Isthat—”Themanonthephonesplutters.
“Yes,it’sIvan,”Yashasays.“Skipthefangirlingandtellthepakhanwhatyoutoldme.”
Themanclearshisthroat.“EveryguardatthesafehouseinMoscowisdead.Noonehadheardfromtheminawhile,soIwenttocheck.Allthreeofthemweregoners.Smelledlikethey’dbeendeadforafewdaysalready.”
ThelastmessageIreceivedfromthesafehousewasanoticethatFranciahadarrivedandwouldbe“takencareof.”Usually,thatwouldmeanshe’dbeofferedfood,clothes,andabed.Inthiscase,itmeantFranciawasgoingtobebunkingwiththemenwhoweredeemedtoounpredictableandrecklesstoliveStateside.
Shewasinforhell.
OrsoIthought.
IlooktoYashaasIask,“AndFrancia?Whereisshe?”
“There’snosignofher.Shedisappeared.Wehavemenlookingforherbut—”
Idon’tneedtohearanymore.IrunformycarandcallCoraatthesametime.ItoldherI’dmakemyselfscarcewhileshehadherdinnerwithMarcus,butthisisbiggerthanthat.Hersafetytrumpseverythingelse.Ineedtohearhervoice.Now.
Thephoneringsandringsandrings.Thenhervoicemailpicksup.
“Fuck!”Iroar.
Yashaisrightbehindme.“I’mcallingJordentoseeifshe’sheardanythingfromeitherofthem.”
“IfJordenhasheardfromFrancia,she’salreadydead.”
Yasha’sjawclenches,butthere’snopointinsugarcoatingthereality.IfFranciaisback,there’sonlyonethingonhermind:revenge.
IcallNiles,butI’mnotgettinganything.Myonlyhopenowisthatit’sasignaljammer.Ifit’snot,thenthey’reall—
Ican’tsitandthinkaboutpossibilitiesforanothersecond.Ineedtodosomething.IneedtogettoCora.
“I’mgoingtothemansion.”
“Wehavenoideawhat’shappeningthere,”Yashaprotests.“GivemeasecondandIcan—”
“I’llcallyouwhenIknowsomething.Oryoucallmewhenyouknowsomething.ButI’mnotleavingCoraalonerightnow.”
Yashawaves.“Yougo.I’llseeyousoon.”
Ihopelikehellhe’sright.61CORA
Ineedtorun.
Ineedtoscream.
IneedtotellIvan.
Butthereisn’ttimeforanyofit.Forasecond,it’slikeI’mbackatthedinnerlastweek.I’mhavingdéjàvu.Franciahurlsherselfatmeexactlylikeshedidbefore.
Theonlydifferenceis,nooneisheretostopherthistime.
ThereisnothingbetweenmeandFranciaexceptemptyspaceandshe’sclosingitquickly.
Whenshesmashesintome,mylungscompress.Ican’tscream.Icanbarelyevenbreathe.
WecollapseonthetilefloorandeverytrainingsessionI’vehadwithAnyaandIvanfallsoutofmyhead.AllIcandoisthrowmyarmsovermyfaceandtrytoprotectmyselffromFrancia’snailsandfistandteeth.
Shegrabsahandfulofmyhairandyanks.Iswingoutather,butIhitdeadair.Thenshesmashesmyheadagainstthefloor.Starsexplodebehindmyeyes.
“Youruinedeverything,youfuckingbitch!”Franciascreeches.Herbreathishotonmyneck.IdrivemyelbowbackinthegeneraldirectionofwhatIthinkisherfaceandyelpwhenherteethdigintomybicep.She’sfuckingrabid
ThenFranciasplutters.Sheletsgoofmyhairandslidesback,andIrealize,mybicepsmashedintoherteeth.
Shedidn’tbiteme.Ihither.
Thatonesuccessisenoughtowakemeup.It’senoughtopullmeoutoftheshockofhershowingupandlungingatmesothatIcanseewhatIneedtodo.
WhenIwassoreandexhaustedfromtraining,ItoldIvanthatheandAnyaweregoingtobreakme.Hesworetheyweretrainingmesonoonewouldeverbeabletobreakme.
Iguessit’stimetoputthattothetest.
FranciaisstilltryingtoreclaimthelittlebitofgroundshejustlostwhenIflipontomybackandkickout.She’spracticallyontopofme,soallImanagetodoiskickhershins.Butit’sbetterthanlyingonthegrounddefenseless.
“Don’tmakethisharderthanitneedstobe!”Franciaispantingandscrabblingforgriponmyarms.
Iknowifshepinsmedown,Iwon’tgetbackup.SoIthrowallofmyweighttoonesideandroll.Itgivesmeenoughspacetopullmyrightlegupandthenkickstraightbackwiththeheelofmyfoot.
Francia’skneesnapsawkwardlyundermyfoot.Thingsthataren’tsupposedtomovegopop-pop-pop.EvenIwince.
HershriekechoesoffthehighceilingsasIcrawlawayonmyhandsandknees.Myheadisstillspinningfromtheblowearlier,sostandingupisn’tanoption.Ijustneedtogetfarenoughawayto—
Thenthere’sacoldhandaroundmyankle.
Franciarakesherfingernailsintomyskin.Itrytokick,butshethrowsherselfontopofmylegs,pinningmedowntothefloor.
Francia’sbreathinggetslouderasshescramblesoverme.Ivanisgoingtofindmedeadonhisentrywayfloor.MaybeFranciawilllieinwaitandattackhim,too.He’lldroptohiskneesnexttomycorpseinhorrorandthat’swhenshe’llstrike.He’llstillprobablybeabletofightheroff,buthe’llneverforgivehimselfforlettingmedie.
ThatthoughtisscarierthanrealizingI’mabouttodie.AndImusteruponelastburstofenergy.
Ihaulmyselfupontomyarms,pullmylegsinasfastasIcan,andthrowmyselfforward.ItonlyputsafewfeetofspacebetweenmeandFrancia.It’snotenough,Iknowthat.
ButatleastItried.
IhopeIvanknowsItried.
Franciarearsbacktolaunchherselfatmeagain…justasshotsringout.
Shedropsflatonthefloor,butIspinaroundlookingforthesource.Yasha?Ivan?MaybeevenNiles?Ivantoldmehishouseholdstaffistrainedforemergencysituationslikethis.
Maybesomeonecametosaveme.
ThenIturnandseemydadstandinginthehallway,hisgunpointedattheceiling.
“Staythefuckawayfrommydaughter.”
There’saholeintheceilingandplasterdustrainingdowninawhitehaze.
Afewhoursago,heshowedupcarryingflowersandtaggy.Now,he’sholdingagun.It’shardtoreconcilethetwosidesofhim.Butitdoesn’tmatter.He’shere.I’msafe.
Sowhydoesn’titfeelthatway?Somethingstillseemswrong.Franciaisstilllyingflatonthefloor.Mydadissighingwithreliefandsettingthegundownontheground.Aholeintheceilingissmoking.
Ittakesmeasecondtoputtogetherthepieces.
Thenithitsme.Hefiredawarningshot.
Whichmeanshedidn’thurtFrancia.
Whichmeanssheshouldn’tbelyingmotionlessonthefloor.
Mydadismovingtowardsme,leavingthegunbehind.Iseeitallhappeninslowmotion.He’sholdingahandouttohelpmeup,butbehindhim,Francialiftsherselfup.Shedoesn’tstandallthewayupbecauseshedoesn’tneedto.Shecanreachwhatsheneedstowhilelyingdown.
Shepicksuptheguninherhandand,unlikemydad,sheisn’tpointingattheceiling.She’spointingitathisback.
Withoutaword,shefires.
Unlikehim,shedoesn’tstartwithawarningshot.Noremorse.Nochancetogiveup.
Franciapullsthetriggerandmydadjerksandcrumplestothefloor.
“Dad!”Ireachoutforhim,butmyheadspins.IthinkIhaveaconcussion,butifIdon’tgettohim,thingsaregoingtobesomuchworse.
Ican’tputonefootinfrontoftheother,butItryanyway.Iliftmyselftomykneesandtheworldisyankedoutfromundermyfeet.Ifallsidewayswithmyshoulderpressedtothewall.
Francia’sshadowfallsoverme.Shescoffs.“WhatIvanseesinyou,Iwillneverfuckingknow.”
Thensomethingheavyhitsmytemple.Theworldgoesdark.
ThelastthingIseeisthebloodonmyfather’sshirt.62IVAN
IhearthegunshotbeforeI’mevenoutofthecar.
Islamthecarintoparkandthrowthedooropenwithoutturningtheengineoff.Please,fortheloveoffuckingGod,letitbeNilesfightingback.OrMarcus.Oraguard.AnyonebutFrancia.
Buttheshatteredremainsofthegatesatthemouthofthedrivewaywereenoughofahintastohowthisisgoingtogo.Theemptyguardshackmadeitanear-certainty.
Franciaishere.Andsomehow,shefoundherwaytoCora.
Knowingthatdoesn’tchangethefull-bodyachethatripplesthroughmewhenImakeitinsideandseeFranciawithherarmaroundCora’sneck…andagunpressedtoherhead.
“Don’ttakeanotherfuckingstep,”shehisses.
Coraisalive.Hereyesareclosedandthere’sabumponherforehead,butIcanseeherchestmoving.Franciawouldn’tbethreateningtokillherifshewasalreadydead.
Aslongasherheartisbeating,there’sachance.
“Lethergoandyoucanwalkoutofhereintact.”Myvoiceistight,butitisn’tshaking.Amiracle,giventheadrenalinepumpingthroughme.
IfIdon’tsaveher,I’llneverforgivemyself
Franciacackles.Therearedarkcirclesunderhereyes.Itdoesn’tlooklikeshe’ssleptindays.Actually,itlookslikeshediedandcamebackfromthedead.WhateverhappenedtoherinMoscowbeforeshekilledtheguardsandfled,itwasn’tpretty.
“We’vebeenthroughtoomuchtolietoeachother,Ivan.WebothknowI’mnotwalkingoutofhere.”
“Fine.”Inod.“Ifyoubackawayfrommywiferightnow,I’llgiveyouaquickdeath.”
It’swaymorethanshedeservesafterallofthecarnageandchaosshehascaused.
IfCoracangetthegunawayfromherhead,evenforasecond,thenIcantakemyshot.Butrightnow,theriskthatFranciatakesCoradownwithheristoogreat.
“Yourwife.”HerlipcurlsindisgustandIwatchherhandtightenaroundCora’sthroat.
Wakeup,solnishka.Fightback.
Coradoesn’tbudge.Butherchestisstillmoving.
“Ishouldhavebeenyourwife,”shehisses.“Ishouldhavebeensomeone’swife.Anyone’s.Iwenttothefuckingpartiesandworethefuckingdresses.IdidwhatIwassupposedtodoanditdidn’twork.Youdidn’twantme.”
“Thatisn’tCora’sfault.Coradidn’tdoanythingwrong.”
“Shedidn’tdoanythingright,either!Corahadeverything.Everything.”FrancialooksdownatCoraforasecond,hateburninginhereyes.“ShewaslivingwithAlexanderandengagedtoMikhail.CorawasgoingtolivethelifeIwanted.ThelifeIdeserved.Andshethrewitaway.”
“YouwantedtomarryMikhailSokolov?”It’shardformetoimagineanywomanthatdesperate.
“Iwantedtomarrysomeonelikehim!Someonewhocouldcrushpeoplelikemyparentsundertheirheelwithoutasecondthought.IhatedtheSokolovsforwhattheydidtomyfamily,butIdidn’twanttokillthem;Iwantedtobethem.”
Ifrown.“YourparentswerelawyersforKonstantinSokolov,weren’tthey?”
“Howelsedoyouthinktheygotintroducedtothepeoplewhodestroyedtheirlives?KonstantinSokolovpassedmyparents’businesscardaroundtohisfriends.NextthingIknow,myparentsaregoneeverynight.Theycomehomeoutoftheirmindsondrugs.Weneverhadmuchmoney,buttheyspentallofitandmore.TheydippedintoKonstantin’smoney,too.Untilhecaughtthem.Andkilledthemforit.”
“Howdidyoumanagegoingtoprivateschoolwithdeadparents?”
“Konstantintookmein.”Shebrusheshertangledblackhairbackoverhershoulder.“Sincemyparentscouldn’trepaytheirdebt,hetookmeaspayment.Iworkedforhim.IkeptaneyeonKaterina.IknowyouandKatliketothinkyoupulledoneoveronKonstantinbysendingheraway,buthealwaysknewhisdaughterwasaflightrisk.Sohegavemeapositioninhishouseandinherschool.Ikeptaneyeonher.Ihadafrontrowseattoyourentireengagement…andKaterina’sdisappearance.”
HowmanytimesmustIhavewalkedpastFranciawhileshewasworkingattheSokolovestate?HowmanytimesdidIlookrightpastwhereshewaslingeringintheshadows?Inevernoticedher.Notevenonce.
Notuntilitwastoolate.
“WhenKaterinawentmissing,IstruckadealwithKonstantin,”shecontinues.“ItoldhimthatIwouldhelpfigureoutwhathappenedtoKaterina.Butastimepassed,myplanchanged.Iwastiredoflivingneartheuppercrust.Icouldmimictheirdainty,prissyvoicesandIhadenoughofKaterina’shand-me-downstoplaytheparttoperfection,butIwasontheoutsidelookingin.Whereyouwereconsidered,Ivan…Iwantedtobeupcloseandpersonal.”
Evennow,there’sapurrtoFrancia’svoice.There’sanattemptatseductionbeingmadeevenwhileshe’sholdingthewomanIloveatgunpoint.
Thewomanisfuckingunhinged.
“Aftertryingtogetyourattentionagainandagainwithnoluck,IthoughtI’dsendinCora.”FranciastrokesahanddownCora’sdarkhair,herfacepuckeringindisgust.“She’spretty,butshedoesn’tbelonginthisworld.Evenbetter,shedidn’twanttobeinit.Iwantedtogetyourattentionwithherandthenpivottome.ButevenwhenCoraranfromyou,youchasedher.Youpursuedher.Youlikedher.AndthemoreCoratriedtogetaway,themoreIhatedher.Shehadeverythingatherfingertipsandshehadnofuckingclue.”
Myvoicecomesoutinarasp.“Ifyouwanttobemadatsomeone,bemadatme.Ifyouwanttopunishsomeone,punishme.”Iholdmyhandsouttotheside,practicallybeggingFranciatoshootme.
Ifsheturnshergunonme,I’lltakemyshot.I’llendthis.EvenifIdiedoingit.
WhateverittakestosaveCora.
AslowsmilecreepsacrossFrancia’sface.“ThatisexactlywhyI’mgoingtokillher,Ivan.Topunishyou.”
ThisiswhyIwantedtosendCoraaway.Iwantedtogetheroutofthiscityandawayfromme.Becausemyloveforherisreasonenoughformyenemiestocomeafterher.ThisnightmareisplayingoutexactlylikeIknewitwould.
AndIdon’tknowhowtostopit.
“You’regoingtowatchthewomanyoulovedie.”Herhandtightensonthetrigger.
“I’llkillyou.Themomentthatgungoesoff,I’llshootyou.”
Franciashrugs.“I’mdeadeitherway.Atleast,thisway,Iknowyou’reasmiserableasIam.”
“Cora,”Icroak.Myvoiceisbroken,desperate.Wakeup.
“It’stoolateforher.”Franciasmiles.“Saygoodbye.”
Shepullsthetriggerandagunshotpiercesthroughthequiet.63CORA
“Cora.”
ThedesperationinIvan’svoicemakesmewanttoweep.Mydadwasright:it’sobvioushelovesme.It’stheonlythinghewearsonhissleeve.
IwanttoopenmyeyesandtellhimthatI’mawake.I’mokay.
ButIcan’t.Notyet.
“It’stoolateforher,”Franciasays.“Saygoodbye.”
I’vebeenwaitingfortherightmoment.Really,I’vebeenwaitingforthebuzzinginmyearstoeaseandmybalancetoreturn.I’llbedeadlongbeforethathappens,though.UnlessIactnow.
IfeelFranciastiffen.Iknowthisisit.
She’sgoingtokillme.
Allatonce,Islambothhandsupandswingherarmandthegunawayfromme…atthesamemomentshepullsthetrigger.
Thesoundoftheshotpiercesmyeardrums,butIpowerthroughthepain.Thetimeforrollingoverandwaitingforsomeonetosavemeisover.IvanandAnyadidn’ttrainmefornothing.Theytrainedmeforthis
“Whatthe—”Franciaisfrozenforafewpreciousseconds.Thestill-smokinggunisinherhand,aimedatthefrontdoorinsteadofmyhead.AndIlunge.
Distantly,IhearIvanlaughinsurprise.Ituneitout.ItuneouteverythingexceptFrancia’shollow,angryface.Ifocusonhersunken-ineyes…soIcanscratchthemout.
Shetriestoswingthegunbackatme,butIgrabherwristandtwist.Sheelbowsmeintheribsandkneesmeontheinsideofmythigh,butIdon’tletupuntilthegunclattersfromherhandandfallstothefloor.
“Pushherback!”Ivanyells.“GetawayfromherandI’llshoot.”
Itry,butFranciaisclingingtome.SheknowsI’mtheonlythingstandingbetweenherandbeingshotdead.
Franciawrapsherhandaroundmyneckandspinsbehindme.Myheadisalreadyfuzzyandherpressingonmywindpipeisn’thelping.
“Youcan’tfightme,Cora,”shewhispersinmyear.“I’mstrongerthanyou.I’mtougherthanyou.Iwantthislifemorethanyoudo.”
Iclawatherarm.
Ivanmovescloser,butthenIfeelit.Abladepressedtothesideofmyneck.
“Shehasaknife,”Igasp.
Ivanstopsinthemiddleoftheroom.I’veneverseenhimsotortured.TornbetweenkeepingmesafeandwantingnothingmorethantoripFrancia’sheadfromherbody.
“That’sright.Ihaveaknife.”Franciacackles.“Coraherekeepsdestroyingallofmyplans,soIcamewithplentyofbackup.It’stimeyoulearnthatyoucan’tstealfromotherpeopleandgetawaywithit.”
“YouthinkIstolesomethingfromyou?You’retheonewhostolemylife.Myhusband!”
“TheonlyreasonyouknowIvanisbecauseIdressedyouupandpushedyouintherightdirection,”shesnaps.“Ifitwasn’tforme,thetwoofyouwouldhavebrokenuponceIvancompletedhislittlemission.You’dbebackwaitingtablesatQuinta?o’s,pretendingyoudon’tregretlettingIvangetaway.Maybethatwouldbebetterthanhowthingsaregoingtoturnoutforyou.Atleastyou’dbealive.”
Ishakemyhead,talkingmoretoIvanthantoFrancia.“Nomatterwhathappens,Ivanisworthit.He’swortheveryinsanethingyou’veputmethrough.Wearen’ttogetherbecauseofyou.We’retogetherbecauseweloveeachother.Becausewearemeanttobe.Youhadnothingtodowithit.”
Thetipoftheknifetwistsinmyneck.Ifeelawarmtrickleofbloodrunningovermyskin.“Onethingisforsure,evenifyouthinkIhadnothingtodowithgettingyoutwotogether:I’mgoingtohaveeverythingtodowithkeepingyouapart.Intheend,Ivan’sfutureisinmyhands.HisfatebelongstomeIvanismine.”
She’sinsane.Franciaiscertifiable.
ButhearingherclaimIvanwithsomuchconvictionisallittakestosendrageburningthroughme.
Suddenly,I’mbackinthetrainingroomwithAnya.She’sbehindme,herhandwrappedaroundmyneck.
“Destabilize,”Anyainstructed.“That’syouronlygoalinthisposition.Youwanttogetthepersonoffbalancelongenoughtoescape.Slamthemagainstawall,kicktheirkneecaps,rockbackandforth—whateverittakestoloosentheirgrip.”
Withoutanotherthought,IgrabFrancia’swristandpraymygripisstrongenoughtokeepherfromstabbingmeinthethroat.ThenIthrowallofmymomentumbackwardsandslamherspineagainstthewall.
Ifeeltheairwhooshoutofher,hotonmyneck.
Ivanrushesforward,butI’mnotwaitingforhim.NotwhenIhaveherexactlywhereIwanther.
Ispinaround,grabherwristwithmyotherhand,anddriveFrancia’sownhandstillholdingtheknifestraightupintoherjugular.
Hereyesgowideashotbloodpulsesfromherneckandpoursoverourinterlacedhands.Herlipsmove,butnowordscomeout.I’mglad.Thetimeforhertoexplainandrationalizeisover.Shewasacrazybitch,andnow,she’sadead,crazybitch.
“Theonlyperson’sfateyoushouldhavebeenworriedaboutisyourown,”Isay,steppingbackassheslidestothefloor.“Ivanbelongstome.”64IVAN
CoraisswayingoverFrancia’sbody,blooddrippingfromherfingertipsontothetilefloor.
Shelookslikehell,butshedidit.
CorakilledFrancia.
SincethemomentIgotthecallatthewarehouse,allI’vewantedtodoisgettoCora.Now,Itakeamomenttoadmireher.Bloodstainedandbreathlessandfuckingfierce.Myqueen.
ThenshetakesastumblingstepawayfromFranciaandIcan’twaitanothergoddamnsecond.Ineedtoholdherandfeelher,warmandalive,inmyarms.
Corakeepsbackingupuntilshethudsagainstmychest.Icatchherwithanarmaroundherwaistandpressmylipstoherear.“I’vegotyou.You’reokay.”
Shejoltsforonlyasecondbeforeshesinksagainstmychest.“Ivan.”
“Youwerefuckingincredible,”Iwhisper.“Youdideverythingright.Everythingwetaughtyou.Youwereamazing.”
IfIhadthingsmyway,Corawouldhaveneverlearnedtofight.Itwouldn’thavebeennecessary.ButI’mgladshedid.ShetookcareofherselfandIcouldnotbeprouder.
Herheadlollsbackagainstmyshoulder.“I’mtired.Myhead…I’mdizzy.”
Ipressakisstohertemple—thesamespotwhere,justafewminutesago,Franciahadpointedagun.I’mnotsuretheimageofCoraonthegroundatFrancia’smercywilleverfullyleavemyhead.Thatisthekindofshitthathauntsyou.
I’llrememberitforever.
Andmakesureitneverhappensagain.
“You’reokaynow,”Itellher.“I’mgoingtogetyoutothedoctor.You’llrestandbefine.”
Shesighs.“Thankyou,Ivan.”
I’msofocusedonherheartbeatflutteringinherthroatandthewayherlipspartaroundasighthatIdon’thearthefootstepsbehindmeuntilit’salmosttoolate.
Atthelastsecond,IpushCoraforwardandspinaround,positioningmyselfbetweenherandthethreat.
Inthiscase,thethreatisAlexanderMcAllister.Andhe’spointingagundirectlyatmychest.
Atthispoint,I’mmoreannoyedthananything.Whenarethesebastardsgoingtogiveup?
“Iknewyouweren’tgoingtodisappear.Thatwould’vebeenthesmartthingtodo.”
Hegrimaces,hisfacescrewedupinrage.“Franciatoldyoushehadabackupplan.”
“Youareherbackupplan?”Ialmostlaugh.“Youhitchedyourhorsetothatcrazybitch?Youmusthavebeendesperate.”
“Youleftmenochoice!Konstantinmadehisdealwithyouandcutmeout.AftereverythingIdid—forhim,forMikhail—they…theyallabandonedme.MeandFrancia.Becauseofyou.Bothofyou.”
AsAlexanderhasbeentalking,I’veedgedeversoslightlyawayfromCora.Onehalf-stepatatime,I’vemovedsothegunisn’taimingatCoraatall.She’sofftotheside,stayingquietandstill.Alexanderisfullyfocusedonme.
“YoucouldhaveleftCoraalone.Youdidn’thavetodragherbackhomeandmarryheroff.”
“IneededthatarrangementwiththeSokolovsto—”
“Youweren’tstarvinginthestreets.Youdidn’tneedanything.Youwantedit.Yougotgreedyandyoutookarisk.Ineverwouldhavebotheredyouifyouhadn’ttakenherfromme.”
“Youtookherfromme,”herages.Hisfaceisredandsweating.“ShewaspromisedtoMikhailandIwasgoingtomakesurethatdealhappened.Thenyoushowedup.Itruinedeverything.KonstantinSokolovwasgoingtosinkmeifIdidn’tcompletethedeal.Andnow,mynameistrashed.Nooneisgoingtocometome.Whatgoodisafixerwithanendlesstrailofscandalsinhiswake?”
Yetagain,IcouldtakeashotatAlexander,buthemightshootbackbeforehefalls.HecouldkillmewhereIstand.
I’dratheritbemethanCora,butifthere’sanywaywecanbothmakeitoutoftonighttogether,I’mgoingtotakeit.
SoIwaitforanopening,gunclutchedinmyrighthand.
“Aboutasgoodasafixerwhoischargedwithdoublehomicideinthedeathofhisstepdaughterandherhusband,”Itellhimicily.“Yousayyou’reruined,butthiswillruinyou,Alexander.Rightnow,youcouldwalkawayandmakealifeforyourself.Butifyoupullthattrigger,it’sover.”
Heleansinclose,thegunstillaimedatmychest.“It’soverforAlexanderMcAllistereitherway.Aftertonight,he’sgoingtodisappear.Ihaveenoughmoneylefttostartover.I’llkillthetwoofyou,killEvaline,andthenleavethecountry.EveryonewillassumeIdiedandI’llstartoverfresh.Far,farawayfromtheinfluenceofthePushkinsandtheSokolovs.”
Coraisstaringathim,open-mouthed.Idon’twanthertosayanythingtodrawhisattention,soIaskthequestionIknowisonhermind.
“You’dreallykillyourownwife?”
“Evalinewasameanstoanend,”hespits.“Everymanneedssomeonetokeeptheirhouseholdrunningandtheirdickwet.Youknowsomethingaboutthat,don’tyou,Ivan?WhyelsewouldyouchooseCordeliawhenyouthoughtshewasnothingmorethanawaitress?”
Fuckit.I’lltakemychancesandshoothimdeadrightnow.
BeforeIcanevenraisemygun,CorafliesoutofnowhereandthrowsherselfonAlexander’sback.
“Youselfishsonofabitch!”shescreams,clawingathisfaceandhisneck.“Youruinedmylife,youasshole!Iwon’tletyoukillmymother,too!”
Alexanderistoobusytryingtostayonhisfeettorememberhehasaguninhishand.Hestumblesbackandforward,tryingtoshakeCoraoff.
Finally,hebendsforwardandCoraslips.Sherampsuptojumponhimagain,butAlexanderraiseshisarmandcracksthebackofhishandacrossherface.
Cora’sheadjerkstooneside.Shefallstoherkneesandslidesacrossthetilefloor.
“Youfuckingbi—”Alexanderstartstohiss.
ButthefirsthalfofthewordisbarelyoffhislipswhenIpressmyguntohisheadandpullthetrigger.
Nolastwords.Nohesitation.BloodspraysandAlexandercrumplestothefloorinauselessheap.
“Nooneputshandsonmywomanandsurvives,”Isnarloverhislifelessbody
Onelastvictimofmyfuckingrampage.65CORA
Myfaceburns,myearsareringing,andmyheadfeelslikeit’spackedwithwetsand.AsIlookfromIvantoAlexander’sbodyandbackagain,mybrainssloshfromsidetoside.
Hiseyesaredarkandmenacing.Heispurewrath.
Thenheshiftstowardsmeandeverythingabouthimsoftens.Ivandropstohiskneesnexttomeandcupsmyfaceinhismassive,gentlehands.“Tellmeyou’reokay.”
Aslongasyou’rewithme,I’mperfect.
“I’mokay,”Irasp.Mythroatiscloggedwithemotion.“Isitover?Howmanymorearethere?”
Ivanlooksoverhisshoulder,scanningthedoors.“Ithinkit’sover.Fuck,Ihopeso.IkilledMikhailandthenranheretostopFrancia.ThenAlexandershowsup.Theyarecomingoutofthewoodworktonight.”
“Wait—youkilledMikhail?”
Hewinces.“Youdon’tneedtoworryaboutthatnow.”
“Areyouhurt?”Ismoothmyhandsdownhisbroadshouldersandoverthefirmplaneofhischest.Hefeelslikethemostsolidthingintheworldrightnow
Hegrabsoneofmyhandsandpressesittohislips.Abitofbloodrubsoffmyhandsandsmearsacrosshischin.IlookbackathisshouldersandrealizeIwasspreadingFrancia’sbloodalloverhisshirt.“Cora,don’tworryaboutmerightnow.Ifyou’reokay,I’mokay.”
Iclosemyeyesandtakeadeepbreath.“I’mokay,Ithink.I’msoreandImighthaveaconcussion,butI—Ijustdon’tunderstandhowthisallhappened.Iwashavingareallygoodday.DinnerwithmydadwentwellandI—”
Thewordslodgeinmythroatatthesametimemyheartdropstomystomach.
Iforgot.HowcouldIforget?
“Whatisit?”Ivanstiffens,lookingaroundfordanger.
Thereisn’tanymoredanger.Justthewreckageofwhatalreadyhappened.Thecarnagelitteredallaroundtheentryway.
Includingthebodyofmyfather.
“Dad!”IpushawayfromIvanandcrawlacrossthefloor.
WhenFranciashothim,hefellbackwardintothehallway.Everythingthathappenedafterthatwasawhirlwindoffearandsurvival.Ididn’thavetimetocheckonhimorlooktoseeifhewasmoving.Icouldn’tworryabouthimandmakeitoutalive.
Now,I’malive…
Butmydadmightbegone.
Ivanmakesittomydad’ssidebeforeIdo.
“Ishealive?”Idon’twanttoheartheanswer.Forjustasecond,IwanteveryoneIlovetobesafeandokay.Iwantmyworldtoberight.
IcrawlpastIvanandlookdownintomyfather’sface.He’spale.There’stoomuchbloodsoakingthroughhiscottonpolo.Ican’tevenrememberwhatcoloritwaswhenhegotheretonight.Green?Maybeblue?It’samuddybrownnow
Ivanhashisfingerspressedtomyfather’sneck.
“Ivan?”IwhisperquietlyenoughthatevenIcanbarelyhearmyself.
“There’sapulse,”hesaysfinally.“It’sfaint.Ifhe’sgoingtosurvive,weneedtomovefast.”
Ivanboltsupandgrabshisphone,butIcan’tleave.Ican’twalkaway.Notagain.
Igrabmydad’shandandtrytoignorehowcoldhisfingersare.Thetipsareturningblue.“You’regoingtobeokay,Daddy.”
I’mnotsureifI’msayingitforhimormyself.Probablyboth.Godknowswebothneedsomecomfortingliesrightaboutnow.
“Youhavetobeokay.Ijustgotyouback.”MyvoicebreaksandIpressmycheektohisshoulder.Tearsstreamdownmyfaceanddripontohisalready-ruinedshirt.“I’msosorryIdraggedyouintothis.Thisisallmyfault.”
Inthebackground,IhearIvanonthephone.He’stellingYashawhathappenedandarranginganoff-the-recordambulanceridetothehospital.Idon’tknowwhenI’llstopbeingamazedathowmuchcontrolandpowerhehasinthiscity,butitisn’ttoday.
“You’regoingtobeokay,”Isayagain.Hestillisn’tmoving,butIbelievemyownliealittlemore.
Ivanisherenow.
Ifhe’shere,Iknoweverythingwillbealright.66CORA
ThehospitalwaitingroomisemptyexceptformeandIvan.
We’vebeenherefortwohoursalready.Thefirsthourpassedquickly.ItwaseatenupbyIvanbarkingordersateverydoctorinthevicinitytodouble-andtriple-checkmeforanyinjuries.
“Ifsomethinghappenstoherbecauseanyoneofyoumotherfuckersdidn’tdoathoroughenoughexamination,I’llburnthishospitaltotheground,”hegrowledafterI’dbeenx-rayedandexaminedatleastthreedifferenttimes.
Beyondamildconcussion,Imustbefine.Because,evenwiththatthreathangingovertheirheads,eachdoctorclearedmetogohomewithIvanassoonasIwasready.
Butwedidn’tgohome.Wecametothewaitingroomtowait.Andwait.Andwait.
“Heshouldbeoutofsurgerybynow,right?”Idropmyfaceintomyhandsandpressmypalmsintomyachingeyesockets.“He’sbeenbackthereforhours.”
“Twohours.That’snotthatlongforagunshotwound.”Ivanmassageshisheavyhandbetweenmyshoulderblades.Iteasesthetensioninmybody,butIdon’tthinkanythingcanhelptheacheinmyheart.
“Itfeelslikealongtime.Someoneshouldbecomingtoupdateusmoreoften.Like,ifhediesonthetable,willtheyeventellus?Theymightnotevenknowhe’smydad.Ididn’ttellthem.Didyoutellthem?”
Hesqueezesmyshouldersuntiltheyeasedownfromaroundmyears.“Assoonasthereissomethingtoknow,they’lltellus.”
Iknowhe’sright,butthisistorture.Sittingnexttomyfatherwhilehebledoutonthefloorwasterrible,butatleastIcouldwatchhischestriseandfall.Iknewhewasalive.
Now,I’mpowerless.Andit’sallFrancia’sfault.
“Ican’tbelievesheshothim.”ThetensionIvanrubbedawaycomesbackinfullforce.“HehasavoidedmymomandAlexanderforadecade,butoneweekofbeinginmylifeandhegetsshotandendsupinthehospital.”
“Idon’tthinkitisbeingpartofyourlifethatistheproblem,”Ivansayssoftly.“Myworldisdangerous.It’swhyIwantedto—”
Iturntohimandsqueezehishand.“Don’tsayit.Iknowyouwantedtokeepmesafe,butsendingmeawaywasn’tanoption.”
Hehasbeenthereformeallnight—throughtheattacksandafterward.EverysecondsincehebargedthroughthefrontdoorsofhismansionandfoundFranciaholdingmehostagehasbeenspenttryingtoprotectmeandmakesureI’mokay.
“Ichoseyou,Ivan.”Thelightbehindhimflaresinmyconcussedvision,castinghiminafaintglow.Ifitdidn’tburnsofuckingbadly,itwouldbekindofbeautiful.“Ichoseyourlife.It’smylife,too.Ourlife.”
Henods.“Itisourlife,Cora.YoudecidedIwasworththedanger.AndIknowyou’reworriedyourdadisgoingtogetoutofsurgeryandwalkawayagain,butyourdadmadethesamechoiceyoudid.Whenhepullsthrough,hewon’tbemadatyou.You’reworththenightmarethatwastonightandsomuchmore.”
Isqueezehisarmandlaymycheekonhisshoulder.Closingmyeyesfeelsgood,butIdon’twanttosleep.It’stheearlyhoursofthemorning.Gettingabitofsleepnowwouldbesmart.Whoknowshowlatewe’llbeupbythetimethisnightisover?
Ijustknow,ifIgotosleep,I’lldreamofeverythingthathappened.OfFranciarunningatme,red-facedandscreaming.I’lldreamofmyfather’sbodyhittingthetilefloor.OfAlexanderpointingagunatIvan’schest.
I’llseemyselfplungingtheknifeintoFrancia’sneckagainandagain.
Idon’tsayanything,butIvanknowsmetoowell.Hecanfeelmetensingup,tryingtoprotectmyselffrommyownmemories.Heturnsandkissesmyforehead.“What’swrong?”
“Ikilledsomeonetonight,”Iwhisper
“YoukilledFrancia.”
“Isthereadifference?”
“Thedifferenceisthateveryonewhohaseverknownherwillunderstandwhyyoudidit.”
Isigh.“Iknowshewasawful,but…bykillingher,amIanybetterthanshewas?”
Allatonce,Ivan’sshoulderisgonefromundermyhead.ButbeforeIcantipsideways,hegrabsmyface.Histhumbsaregentleastheybrushalongmycheekbones.“Thereisnocomparisonbetweenyouandher.Youareworthahundredofher.Amillion.Solnishka,youarenotabadpersonforprotectingyourselfagainstacrazywoman.You’reaBratvaqueen.Youdidwhathadtobedone.”
Ishakemyhead.“Maybeoneday,I’llbeabletohearthosewordsandbelievethem.Untilthen,Imightjustneedyoutorepeatthemtomealot.”
Hesmilessadly.“I’llsaythemasoftenasyouneed,Cora.Ifithelps,Iloveknowingyoucanbealittleruthless.It’ssexy.”
Iarchabrow.Forthefirsttimeinhours,areluctantsmilepullsatthecornerofmymouth.“Really?I’llhavetorememberthat.”
I’mstilllookingupathim,lettinghissmilethawtheiceinmyveins,whenIhearthedooropen.
News.It’sanursecomingtotellushowthesurgeryisgoing.Maybeadoctor.Finally.
ItfeelslikeImovequickly,buttheconcussionslowsthingsdown.AllIknowisbythetimeIlooktowardsthedoorandstandup…
Mymotherisstandinginfrontofme.
Ican’tmakesenseofwhatshe’sdoinghereorhowshefoundme.Ijuststareather.Ivanisthefirsttosaysomething.“Evaline,whatareyou—”
Beforehecanaskthequestion,mymotherhaulsbackandslapsme.
Mycheekstings,buttherealpainisinmyskull.Itfeelslikemyeyesaregoingtobulgeoutofmyhead.MyteethrattletogetherandIhavetograbthearmofthechairnexttometokeepfromdroppingtomyknees.
Ivangrabsherandpushesherback,barkingsomethingatheraboutnotlayingahandonme.ButIdon’thearanyofit.
Hereyesareredandpuffylikeshe’sbeencrying.Mascararunsdownhercheeksandhernoseisrunning.Shelookslikeshegotthrowninadryeronhighspeed.
Whatisshedoinghere?
Ican’tmakesenseofituntilmymom’sscreamscutthroughtheroarofbloodinmyears.
“—havenoideawhatyou’vedone,Cordelia!Youkilledhim,butyouruinedme,too!WhereamIsupposedtogo?WhatamIsupposedtodo?”
IfeellikeI’monstageforaplayIhaven’trehearsed.Andtheplayisinanotherlanguage.
“Ididn’t—”Ishakemyhead,whichisamistake.MyvisionpixelatesandIhavetoclosemyeyesuntilitsettles.“IkilledFrancia.Butshewasattackingme.Shewasgoingtokillme.Ididn’thaveachoice.”
Ivanisstillpushingmymotherback,butshe’sstretchingontohertoes,talkingoverhisshoulderandaroundhisarm.“Idon’tcareaboutthatlittlebitch;I’mtalkingaboutAlexander.YoukilledmyhusbandandI’llneverforgiveyou.”
Oh.I’mnotsurehowIforgot.Inallthechaos,Alexander’sdeathslippedthroughthecracks.
ProbablybecauseIhavenoregretsaboutitatall.Ididn’tpullthetrigger,butIknowtheworldisabetterplacewithhimgone.Ivandidusallafavor.Ifhehadn’tshothiminthehead,Iwouldhave.Gladly.
“Hebrokeintomyhouse.HeknewFranciawasgoingtotrytokillmeandhedidn’ttrytostopher.”Istareatmymom,butnothingI’msayingiswipingawaytheangeronherface.“Hewasgoingtokillyou.Hesaidhewouldkillyouandstartoversomewhereelsewith—”
“Don’tlietome,”shesnaps.“EverythingAlexandereverdidwasforourfamily.Hewastryingtotakecareofus.”
Isnort.“Hewastakingcareofhimself.Henevercaredaboutyou.Hesaideverymanneededsomeonetotakecareofhishouseandkeephis—”
Istopmyself.I’vecrossedalotoflinestonight,buttellingmyownmotherherdeadhusbandonlykeptheraroundasasextoyistoofar.
“Hewasabadpersonandhewasgoingtokillusall.”
Suddenly,shetakesastepback.Ivandoesn’tbudge.Iknowhe’sgoingtostayplantedbetweenherandmeuntilsheleaves.Butshecalmsdown.
Forasecond,Ithinkshe’sgoingtolistentome.MymotherwillrecognizethatIamherfamily.I’mthepersonshewassupposedtotakecareofandsacrificefor,nothim.Maybetonightwillbringbothofmyparentsbacktome.
Thenhertoplipcurlsindisgust.“Alexanderwasrightaboutyou,Cordelia.You’reselfish.Youdon’tcareaboutme.”
Ifmyjawcouldhitthefloor,itwould
“Idon’tcareaboutyou?Youcan’tbe…You’refuckingseriousrightnow.”Idon’tneedtoaskthequestion;Ialreadyknow.Ishakemyhead.“I’mnevergoingtobeapriorityforyou,amI?Therewillalwaysbesomemanwhocomesalongand—”
“Hewasn’tjust‘aman’—hewasmyhusband!”
Icontinueon,ignoringher.“TherewillalwaysbesomemanwhomeansmoretoyouthanIdobecausehepaysyourbillsandkeepsyouincomfort.Iwasnothingmorethanaburden,wasn’tI?YouprobablylikedwhenIranaway.Thenyoudidn’tneedtoworryaboutmeanymore.”
“Ididn’tlikewhenyouranaway,”shesays.“Youabandonedusmid-dealwiththeSokolovsandwehadtoscrambletogetherenoughmoneyto—”
Ican’tstopmyselffromlaughing.Noneofthisisfunny,butit’salljustsoabsurd.
“I’mdonewithyou,”Itellher.“Youwillnevercareasmuchaboutmeasyoudoyourself,soI’mdone.Forever.”
There’sasinglesecondofstunnedsilencebeforeshelaunchesherselfatIvanagain.Ifhewasn’tthere,Iknowshe’dbescreamingdirectlyintomyface
“AsifI’dwantanythingtodowithyou!You’reamurderer!You’resomecriminal’swhoreandamurderer!Ineverwanttoseeyouagain!”sheshrieks.“You’renodaughterofmine.”
“We’redonehere.”Withfartoomuchease,Ivanpicksherupandcarriesheroutoftheroom.
Aridiculousendforaridiculouswoman.It’sanoddlyfittinggoodbye.67IVAN
Evalinetoreintothewaitingroomlikeawildanimal,butthere’snofightleftinherbythetimewegettothesidewalkoutside.Ishoveherthroughtheautomaticdoorsandshestumblestowardsthecurb.
“WhereamIsupposedtogonow?”shewhispersagainandagaininahollow,brokenvoice.
Idon’tthinkshe’stalkingtome,butI’mhappytoansweranyway.“Idon’tgiveafuck.Anywherebutherewouldbeagoodstart.”
IwantherasfarawayfromCoraaspossible.ButIalsoknowifshestayshere,I’llkillher.AndI’vedoneenoughofthatforonenight.
HerhusbandtriedtoforceCoraintomarriageandthen,whensherefused,killher.AndEvalinedoesn’tgiveadamn.ShenevertriedtosaveCora.Shenevertriedtomakethingsright.SheismoreworriedaboutherlifethanCora’s.
PartofmeoncethoughtEvalinewaslikemymother.Shewastrappedwithamonsteranddidn’thaveanotherchoice.Butnow,Alexanderisdead.Sheisfreetomakeherownchoices.Andwiththisnewfoundfreedom,herfirstthoughtwastogettothehospitalandscreamatherdaughterforhavingtheaudacitytosaveherownlife.
Thisbitchdoesn’tdeserveCora.
“AlexanderwasallIhad.”Hershoulderssag.Itlookslikeshe’scavinginonherself.“Ihavenothingleft.”
“Youcouldhavehadyourdaughter.”
Hereyesaredark,shadowycavernswhenshelooksupatme.“Corahatesme.Shehashatedmeforyears.It’swhyshekilledAlexander.Shewantstopunishmefor—”
“IkilledAlexander.”Ipauseandlettheconfessionsinkin.“Coradidn’tpullthetrigger;Idid.AndIdiditbecause,justlikeyou,heslappedCora.I’llkillanyonewhohurtsher.”
Hereyesgowideandshestumblesanotherhalf-stepback.
Good.Sheshouldbescared.
“Andjustsoyouknow—soyoucanspendtherestofyourdaysthinkingaboutallthemanywaysyou’vefuckedup—hehitherbecauseCoraattackedhimafterhesaidhewasgoingtokillyou.Shewasdefendingyou.”
Evaline’sjawdrops.“Hedidn’tsaythat,”shewhispers.ButIcantellshedoesn’tbelieveit.
“Hesureasfuckdid.Aftereverythingyou’vedonetoher,Corawasstilltryingtoprotectyou.Yourdaughterwaslookingoutforyoueventhoughyouhaveneveroncelookedoutforher.”
Atearrollsdownhercheek.“Ididn’tknow.Ithought—Ineedtotalktoher.”
ShetakesasteptowardsthefrontdoorsandIshiftinfrontofher.“Youarenevergoingtotalktoyourdaughteragain.”
“We’refamily.Weneedto—”
“Youneedtogetawayfrommerightnow.BeforeIdecidetokillyouforhurtingmywife.”
Sheinhalessharply.“Youwouldn’tkillyourwife’smother.”
Ichuckledarkly.“Thenyoudon’tknowafuckingthingaboutme.Ifyoutouchmywifeagain,I’llendyou.Ifyousomuchasbreathethesameairasher,I’llpopyourlungslikeballoonsandwatchyouchoke.IfIevenhearyournamewhisperedbyanyoneinmyvicinity,Iwillhuntyoudownandmakeyouwishyouhadneverbeenborn.”
She’spalenow.Shetakesanotherstepbackandfallsoffthecurb.Onlybarelydoesshecatchherselfonthebumperofaparkedcartokeepfromspillingintothestreet.
“Idon’tcarewhereyougo,”Itellher,“butitbetterbefarawayfromhere.Doyouunderstand?”
AsmuchasIwantEvalinetorunintothenightanddisappearforever,partofmewouldrespectherforpushingback.I’mestrangingherfromherdaughterforever.Sheshouldfightagainstthat.Sheshouldrageandbeg,whateverittakes.That’sherdaughtershe’slettinggo.Showsomegoddamnheart.
Butintheend,Evalinenodsweaklyandthenshufflesintothedarkness.
Maybeshe’llenduponthestreetsagain.Maybeshe’llfindanotherrichmanwillingtotakeherintohishouse.Eitherway,Idon’tcare.
Iwatchherturnthecorneranddisappear.Hopefullyforthelasttime.
“Doyouthinkthatwasagoodidea?”
IsawYashacrossingthestreettowardsusafewminutesago,butIwasabittoobusyriddingCora’slifeofyetanothersoul-suckingleechtopayhimanymind.
Iturntohimnow.“Ithinkitwasoneofmybestideas,actually.Ishouldhavedoneitalotsooner.”
Henods.“Good.Ifshestuckaround,Iwasgoingtohavetokeepaneyeonherandanyfutureboyfriendsshehadtomakesuretheyweren’tplottinganything.Itwouldhavebeenannoying.”
“That’swhyIdidit,”Isaysarcastically.“Soyou’dhavelesswork.”
Hegrins.“Iappreciatethat.You’realwayslookingoutforme,boss.”
Irollmyeyes.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”
“Cametomakesureyousurvivedwithoutmehavingtobailyououtoftroublelikealways.”Henudgesmeintheribsandsighs.“Seriously,though,I’mgladyoubothareokay.Thehousewasfuckingwrecked.IfoundNileslockedinacloset.Ifyouhadn’talreadykilledFrancia,Ithinkhewouldhave.”
“Isheokay?”
“Thefirstthinghedidwhenhegotoutwasfindaladderandstartpatchingbulletholes.Itshouldbebacktonormalbythetimeyougethometonight.”
“Ifwegethometonight.Cora’sfatherisstillinsurgery.”
Yashawinces.“Ishegoingtomakeit?”
“Ithinkso.Ihopeso.”Irunahandovermyhead.“Coraistough.Shecangetthroughanything…butshe’sbeenthroughenough.Sheneedsthis.”
Yashagentlypushesmetowardsthedoors.“Youshouldgobewithherthen.I’llmakesureMommyDeareststaysgone.”
“She’llstaygone.IthinkIscaredherthoroughlyenough.Youshouldgetsomerest.Orgofindyourwoman.”
Yashasmiles,butstillwrinkleshisforeheadlikehe’sconfused.“Who?”
“God.Whenareyoutwogoingtogiveupthisstupidgame?Everyoneknowsyou’refucking.”
“Obviously,Ifuck.Imean,lookatme,Ivan.OfcourseIfuck.”
Igroan.“It’sbeenalongnight.GofindJordenandletherdealwithyou.”
“Jorden?Huh,there’sanidea,”hesays,stillgrinningfromeartoear.“Ineverthoughtofherbefore,butmaybeIwillgoseeher.Sinceyou’relettingmeoffforthenightandsheisCora’sfriendandall.I’llgocheckonherandmakesureshe’ssafe.BecauseI’maveryniceguy.”
Yashaisstilltalkingtohimself,hisvoicefadingout,whenIwalkbackthroughtheautomaticdoorsandintothehospital.
Iturneverycornerexpectingsomeoneelsetoshowup.Hell,afterthenightwejusthad,maybemyfatherwillmakehisfinalstandwithwhateveroldguardlieutenantshecouldscroungeup.MaybeI’llhavetokillhimtocementmyplaceaspakhanofthePushkinBratva.
Butnooneshowsup.Iwalkthequiethallsbacktothewaitingroom.
It’sempty.
Panicgripsmeforasinglesecondbeforeayoungnurseclearsherthroatbehindme.Iwhiparound,andthegirljolts.“Sorry,I—Yourwifetoldmetotellyouthatshe’sinRoom408.”
“IsMarcusSt.Clairoutofsurgery?”
Shenods.“Ijustwheeledhimintotherecoveryroom.”
“What’shisprognosis?”
Shegivesmeanervousshakeofherhead.“I’msorry.That’ssomethingyou’dhavetotalkaboutwiththedoctor.Iwasn’tintheoperatingroomandIhaven’tseenhischarts.Butyou’rewelcometogoinandseehimforyourself.”
IwantMarcustopullthroughforCora.Sosomepieceofheroldlife—thelifeshelost—cancomebacktoher.Shedeservesit.
AsIapproachRoom408,Ihearvoices.Laughter.
IknockonthedoorandfindCorastandingnexttoherfather’shospitalbed,smilingwiderthanI’veseeninalongtime.
Sheturnshersmiletomeandalmostknocksmebackonmyass.She’ssofuckingbeautiful.
“Oh,hereheis!”Corasays.“Ivanistheonewhocalledtheambulanceandgotyouintosurgerysofast.”
Marcusisstillpale,buthe’scleaned-upandconscious.“YoulookalotbetterthanthelasttimeIsawyou,”Iremark.
Heturnstomeslowly,hiseyesheavy.“Yousavedmylife.”
“Yeah,well,youboughtenoughtimeformetogettothehouseandsaveCora’slife.Forthat,Ioweyoumine.ThiswastheleastIcoulddo.”
Corafluffshispillowsandholdsacupofwatertohislipssohecandrink.Shetalkstohimaboutnothingforhalfanhouruntilhedriftstosleep.Evenwhenhe’ssnoringgently,though,Corastandsbyhisbedside,lookingdownathim.
“Youshouldsitdown,”Itellher.“Youneedtorest,too.”
Shenods,butdoesn’tbudge.“Ijustcan’tbelievehemadeit.”
Igrabherbythewaistandpullherintomylap.“Believeit.Youmadeit,too.”
“Iwasn’tsureI’dgettotalktohimagain.Ithoughtitwasallover.”
“It’snot,”Iwhisper.“Youcanbothtalktomorrow.Sofornow,rest.”
Shecurlsagainstmychest.“Tomorrow.Ilikethesoundofthat.”
Iholdhereventighter.“Youhavealifetimeoftomorrows,Cora.”
Hercheekcurvesasshesmiles.“You’llbethere,too?”
Ikissherforehead.“Untiltheveryend.”68CORATWOMONTHSLATER
I’mtremblingsohardIcan’tevenscratchmyfacewithoutalmostpokinganeyeout.
“Stopdoingthat!”Jordangrabsmyhandsandpinsthemtomysides.“You’llruinyourmakeup.”
“Mymakeupisalreadyruined.”
I’vebeencryingonandoffallmorning.
WhenIunzippedthegarmentbagthatheldmydress:tears.
WhenJordenandAnyacameoutintheirbridesmaidsdresses:tears.
WhenIaskedforalatteandYashabroughtmedecafbecause“youdonotneedtheextraenergy.You’reabouttobuzzoutofyourskin”:tears.
Inmydefense,IwassonervouslastnightthatIcouldn’tsleep.I’mexhaustedandanxiousand—
“Idon’tknowifIcandothis.”It’sthefirsttimeI’veletmyselfsaythewordsoutloud.
Jordenfrownsbut,withhersmokeyeyeshadowandbronzer,itlookslikeshe’sposingforamagazine.“Can’tdowhat?Scratchyoureye?”
“Getmarried!”Iblurt.Ispinawayfromherandimmediatelytriponthetrainofmydress.Ittakesmeasecondtoextricatemyheelfromthelaceandstandtallagain.
WhenIdo,Jordenisgapingatme.Iwonderwhatlipstickshe’swearing.It’sflawless.“Youdon’twanttomarryIvan?”
“What?Yes!Imean—No.Er,Idowanttomarryhim.OfcourseIdo!Ilovehim.”
Shepressesahandtoherchest.“Oh,thankGod.IwouldnotwanttobethepersonwhohadtodeliverthatnewstoMr.Tall,Dark,andFelonious.”
“Iwanttomarryhim;Ijustdon’tknowifIcan.Imean,Ican’twalkinthisdress.It’sonlybeenanhourandI’vealreadysmudgedmylipstick,crackedanail,andlostapininmyhair.I’mjustnotmadeforallofthis.”Ipickupthelayersofintricatelyembroideredlacethatcincharoundmywaistandfalltothefloorindelicateripples.“I’mnotaprincess.”
“Uh,yeah,youare.You’reascloseasmostpeopleareevergonnaget,anyway.Plus,youpickedallofthis—thedress,thehair,themakeup.Ivantoldyouhe’dgetmarriedinthekitchenwithNilesasofficiantifyouwanted.”
“MaybeIshouldhavetakenhimuponthat,”Imutter.
Asmallceremonywould’vemeantfewerwitnesseswhenIinevitablyfaceplantintheaisleorrecitemyvowswithlipstickonmyteeth.
Jordenstepsinfrontofmeandgrabsmebytheshoulders.“Let’sbreakitdown.Questionone:doyoulovehim?”
That’saneasyone.“OfcourseIdo.Morethananything.”
“Excellent.”Shesmiles.“Questiontwo:areyousureyouwanttomarryhim?”
That’saslamdunk,too.“I’veneverbeenmoresureaboutanythinginmylife.”
“Then,girl—”Shespinsmetowardsthefulllengthmirrorbehindme,herheadpeekingovermyshoulder—“stopfreakingoutandenjoywhatshouldbethebestdamndayofyourlife.”
Allatonce,thefearsandworriesfallaway.
MaybeIwilllandonmyfaceinfrontofeveryone.MaybeallofmynailswillchipandI’llloseaneyelashandmydresswillgetstuckinadoor.AslongasIendthedaymarriedtothemanIlove,nothingelsematters.
Suddenly,Jordenpecksmycheekandwhispersinmyear,“I’mgoingtomakemyselfscarce.I’llbebackbeforetheceremony.”
Ifrown.“What?Why?Whereareyou—”
Butsheisalreadyhustlingaway…pastIvan,whoisstandinginthedoorway.
Jordenducksoutbehindhimwithoutapeep.I’veneverlovedhermore.
“Youaren’tsupposedtoseemeinmyweddingdress,”Iprotestweakly.
Somehow,Ivanlooksatmeevenharder.Hiseyesareshiningashetraceseverylineofme.Isitsuddenlyextremelyhotinhereorisitjustme?
“Wewereengagedbeforeweevenstarteddating.It’sinournaturetodothingsalittlebackwards.”Hearchesabrowandstalkstowardsmeslowly.Hissmellinvadestheroomaheadofhim.IinchbackwardsbeforeIbumpintothevanityandalmostscreamattheunexpectedcontact.
“Like,maybeweshouldhavecakeandthensayourvows?”Isuggest.
“No,”hegrowls.“Notlikethatatall.”Heunbuttonshisjacketanddrapesitonthearmofachair.There’salotoftalkaboutmeninsuits,butIdon’tthinkwe’vegivenproperconsiderationtomenworkingtheirwayoutofsuits.Heundoesthecufflinksanddropsthemtothefloorwithaclink-clink.
IrecognizetheheatinIvan’seyes.I’veseenitmorethanenoughtimestoknowwherethisisgoing.Imayhavebeennervousabouttheweddingallday—butthis?Idon’thaveanydoubtsabouthowtodothis.We’veknownhowtodothissincebeforeweevenkneweachother’snames.
Iswallow,mymouthsuddenlydry.“Thenwhat?”
Ivanslipshisbowtieoffanddropsitinthetrailofclotheshe’sshedding.Littlebylittle,he’sgoingfrombillionairebosstodangerousdon.Tattoosrevealthemselves.Muscles.Harshnessandsexybrutalityintheslopeofhislipsandtheflameinhiseyes.“IthinkyouhaveanideaalreadyofwhereI’mgoingwiththis,solnishka.”
He’sonlyafootawayfrommenowandhe’sright—Idoknow.IalsoknowthatIcan’tstopmyself.Ireachoutandundothetopbuttonofhisshirt.He’sstillplayingthegame,butIcan’twait.IknowwherethisisheadedandIwanttogetthere.
Now.
“Ah,now,you’regettingit,”hebreathes.Hetakesthefinalstepandhishipsarchforwardtocomerestagainstmine.Ihateeverylayeroflacekeepingusapart.
Iundothefinalbuttonandthenstrokemyhandsupthehardplaneofhisbaredstomach.HisskinistanandwarmandIwanttodrowninthewoodsysmellofhim.
Itdoesn’thelpthatIhearthevoiceoftraditionscreaminginmyear.Thegroomseeingthebridebeforetheceremony?Wrong.Ivanbeingherewiththedoorclosedandthatlookinhiseyes?Very,verywrong.
Toobadthatonlymakesitallthatmuchhotter.
“JordenwillkillmeifIruinmymakeup.”It’strue,butIdon’tcare.Asecondago,Iwasworriedaboutlipstickonmyteeth,butnow?I’llwalkouttherewithwildsexhair,smearedlipstick,andawrinkleddressifitmeansIgethim.Hell,I’dtap-dancedowntheaislenakedforonesinglekiss.Onesingletouch.
Ivantipsmychinupandleansclose.Notquitealltheway,butalmostthere.Istretchontomytoes,lipsalreadyparted.Kissme.Ruinmymakeup.Destroyme.
“No,”hesighsagainmournfully.“Notlikethat.Likethis.”
Withasuddenblurofmotion,heputshispalmsonmyhipsandwhipsmearounduntilmybackistohisfrontandwe’rebothfacingthemirror.
Hisbreathishotinmyear.“IwanttowatchyoufallthefuckapartwhenImakeyoumine.”
Heundoesthebuttonsatthebackofthebodiceandroughlypeelsthedressdownmytorsountilit’sapuddleofwhiteatmyfeet.Ilovehowhehisses,howhisfacecontortswhenheseesthebridallingerieI’mwearingbeneath.
Itwassupposedtobeasurprisefortonight.Whoops.IguessChristmascamealittleearlyforMr.Pushkin.
Icatchhisreflectionbehindme—hisdressshirtopenoverhisbarechest,hiseyesdarkwithneed.I’veneverwantedanythingmore.
“We…wehavetowalkoutofthisroomrightnow,”Iargueinalimpcroak.“BecauseIthinkI’lldieifIdon’tgettomarryyoutoday.”
“Ohno,”hebreathes,pushingmypantiestothesideandstrokingafingerovermyachingpussy.“Wecan’thavethat.”
Mywholebodytremblesatjustthislittletouch.Ireachbackandhookmyhandaroundhisneck.“Then—oh,fuckme,justhurryup.I’mdyinghere.”
Hesmilesandunbuttonshispants.Whenhepresseshisdickagainstmyopening,hisfingersdigintomyhips.Iarchmybackandallittakesisoneshiftforhimtoslidehomeinsideofme.
ThenIvan’slipsarebackagainstmyear.“Youcanforgetallaboutwalkingoutofhere.WhenI’mdonewithyou,youwon’tevenbeabletostand.”
Ivandrivesdeepintomeatthesametimehisfingerscirclemycenter.Fireworksexplodebehindmyeyes.I’dcollapseinaheaponthefloorifhewasn’tholdingmeuprightwithahandonmyhipandanotheratmythroat.Icanseethelinesofdesirestretchingmyfaceinthemirror.
Mypartedlipsmatchinghis.
Thoseeyes,amberandbright.
Hestrokesintomeslowly.Lingersforamoment.Thenhedrawsoutalmostentirelybeforestartingalloveragain.
It’spainfulhowslowhe’stakingthis.Straight-uptorture.Heknowswhathe’sdoing,too.Everytimehethinksmyeyesareflutteringclosed,heletshissmirktipupjustabitmore.
“OhmyGod,Ivan,”Icryout.Myhandspressagainsttheglass.“There.Rightthere.”
IclencharoundhimasIcome.Ivan’sbreathingpicksup,buthedoesn’tjoinme.Hishandsjusttightenaroundmywaist,draggingmeagainsthimastheorgasmwringsmedry.
“Comewithme,”Ipleadbetweenmoans.“Come.”
Butinsteadofmovingfaster,Ivanslows.Heeasesfartherandfartherbackuntilheletsgoofmywaistandstepsawayentirely.
I’mstillpantingwhenIcatchhiseyesinthemirror.“Wh-whatareyoudoing?”
“Walktome.”
“Whatareyou—?”
“Walk.”
Myinsidesarestillpulsingsoftly,comingdownfromhistouch.ButIstandupandwalktowardshim.
Mylegsshake,butIplaceonefootinfrontoftheother.Ifeellikeanewborngiraffe,butIvan’slookingatmelikeI’mthesexiestthinghe’severseen.
Myorgasmisstillebbingaway,butIalreadywantmore.Idon’tthinkI’llevergetenoughofhim.
WhenIreachhim,Ireachouttobalanceagainsthischest.“Whatwasthatfor?”
“I’mcheckingtoseeifI’mdonewithyouyet.”Hekissesmycheekandmyneck.Thenhedipslower,flickinghistongueovermylace-coverednipple.Hedropstohiskneesandkisseseachofmyhipbonesandthesoftspotlowinmybelly.
It’slikeworshipthewayhetouchesme.Likeeveryinchofmeneedshisfullattention.Likehe’dspendafuckinglifetimekissinghiswayupthestretchofskinbetweenmykneeandhip.
Istrokemyfingersthroughhishair.PartlybecauseIwanttotouchhim,butmostlybecauseImightfalloverifIdon’tholdontosomething.“And?What’stheverdict?”
Helooksupatmefromwherehe’skneeling.HislipsaretippedintoasmileIwanttotaste.“Youcanstillwalk.SoI’dsaythejob’snotquitefinished.”
That’sallhesaysbeforethatsmileslipsbetweenmylegs.Atfirst,Ihalf-screamlikehe’sbrandingmewhenhislipstugatmyclit.Then,quickly,theheatdigsdeepandsettles.Icurlmyhandaroundhisneckandpullhimcloser.
Ifthisiswhatitfeelsliketoburn,Ineverwanttobeputout.
Histonguepulsesintomewhilehecircleshisthumbovermyclit.Asheatunfurlsinsideofme,Istumbleback.TheworldistippingandIcan’tstandupright.
Rightoncue,Ivanstands,sweepsmerightoffmyunsteadyfeet,andlowersmetothefloorinfrontofhim.MylegsdrapeoverhisshouldersasIclampmythighsaroundhisearsandgrindagainsthismouth.
“Rightthere—Yes—Ineed—Want—”Nonsensewordstumbleoutofmeastheorgasmswellsandthenbreaks.Ifistmyhandinhishairandscreamtotheceiling.
Guestscouldbearrivingdownstairsrightthissecond.Maybetheycanhearmethroughthewalls.ButtheycouldbestandinginthedoorwayandIwouldn’tchangeadamnthing.
They’reheretowitnessourlove,right?
Mightaswellgivethemsomethingtowitness.
Ilaughinmyheadatthethought—that’ssomethingIvanwouldsay.
Mythighsshakeandtrembleashelowersmegentlytothecarpetandcrawlsupthecenterofme.Hepresseskissestomyfeverishskinashegoes.
“Thisisallmine,”hewhispers,tastingmyribsandnippingatmycollarbones.“Fucktheminister.Fucktheceremony.Youarealreadymine.”
Loveswellsinmychest.Ifollowadropofsweatdownhisneckandoverhismuscledchestwithmyfinger.“I’mprettysurethat’sblasphemy.”
“Ifthisisblasphemy,”hewhispers,“thensendmestraighttohell.”
Hefillsmecompletelyinonestroke.Ituckmylegsaroundhisbodyandholdhisheadagainstmyshoulder.
Weslidetogetherlikeit’sthemostnaturalthingintheworld.It’seasyandslowandright.
I’mexactlywhereI’msupposedtobe.
Here.Withhim
Pressurebuildsslowly.Iscrapemynailsdownhisbackandwhisperinhisear,“Pleasecomeinsideme.”
Thistime,Ivandoesn’targue.Hespillsintomewithagroanandthenstaysthere.Weholdeachotheronthefloor,lettingourheartseasebacktoanormalrhythm.
Finally,heliftshisheadandkissesmychin.“Canyouwalk?”
“Icanbarelytalk,”Icorrect.AsmileIcan’tcontainspreadsacrossmyfaceastearswellinmyeyes.“Wereallyaredoingthingsbackwards,aren’twe?”
Ivanbrushesafallentearfrommyfaceandshakeshishead.“No.We’redoingthingsexactlyright.”
***
JordentakesonelookatmeasIwalkdownthestairsandshakesherhead.“Idon’tevenknowwhyIbothered.”
She’snotwrong.
I’mwrecked.
Fifteenminutesago,IwasnakedandsplayedopenbeneathIvan.Now,I’mabouttoheaddowntheaisleonlegsthatarestillquiveringfromallofourscandalouspre-ceremonyactivities.
Myupdohasbecomealoosebraiddownmybackandmyeyemakeupisatotalloss.Jordenpullsoutamakeupwipeandscrubsitawaywhilecursingmeandmyhusband-to-beunderherbreathforwastingallofherhardwork.Whenshe’sdone,myfaceispinkandflushed,mylipsareswollen,andtheevidenceofwhatIvanandIdidisstilldrippingdowntheinsidesofmylegs.
Butitallfeelsright.
EventhefactthatwhenthedoubledoorsopenandIheaddowntheaisle,Ivanlooksasgoodasever.Notahairoutofplace.Themanisunrufflable.
Fromtheoutside,anyway.OnlyIknowthetruth.
Ilikethat.
Whenhelooksupatme,he’sseeingmeinmylacelingerieandheels.He’srememberingthewayIfeltwrappedaroundhimanddreamingaboutbeingbackthereagaintonight.
Ilovebeingtheonlypersonwhogetstoseehimfallapart.Theonlypersonwhocanbringhimtohisknees.
Hesmilesatmeandtherestoftheworldfallsaway.TheBratva,ourfamilies,ourfriends—nothingelsematters.ThemanIloveiswaitingforme.WhyshouldIcareaboutmyruinedcat-eye?
“Youlookfuckingincredible,”hewhispersinmyearwhenIreachhim.
Imeettheminister’seyesandthenimmediatelylookaway.“Behaveyourself.”
Helooksmeupanddown.“Never.”
Duringtheceremony,IignoretheguestsandtheministerandthewayJordenandYashaareblatantlyoglingeachotherintenselyenoughtocauseascene.Iignoreeverythingandeveryoneexceptthemaninfrontofme.
Itpassesinabluroftearsandjoy,cappedoffwithakissthatknocksmesothoroughlyoffmyfeetthatIvanhastoscoopmeintohisarmsandcarrymedowntheaislewhileourguestscheer.
Hecarriesmestraightthroughthehouseandoutthedoubledoorstothepatiowhereourreceptionhasbeensetupinthebackyard.
Stringlightshangoverthelawnandthereisastagewithanorchestraplayingmusicintotheevening.ItlooksalmostexactlylikeitdidthefirsttimeIeversawit.
IvanandIcutourcakeonthepatiowherehesavedmefrombeingassaultedbyoneofhisguestsallthosemonthsago
Ipointouttheeeriefull-circlefeelingasNilesswoopsintofinishcuttingandservingcaketotheguests.IvanandIheadtothedancefloorforourfirstdance.
“Savedyou?”Hesnorts.“Youdidn’tactlikeI‘savedyou’atthetime.Irememberyounotbeingverythankfulatall.”
Ourguestsareinawidecirclearoundthelawnwhilecellomusicswellsagainstthewarmnight.Mydadisdabbingathiseyeswithawhitehandkerchief.He’sbeenablubberingmessallnight.IguessIknowwhereIgetitfrom.
“ItwasonlybecauseIcouldhavehandledhimonmyown.Thatguywasasloppydrunk.Hewashandsy,butIcouldhavefoughthimoff.”
“ThankGodforthat,”hebreathes.
Ifrown.“Excuseme?”
“Thatsloppydrunkdestroyedyourdress.Ihavehimtothankforfindingyounakedinmyoffice.”Ivan’sambereyesundressme,turningdarkerbythesecond.“Itsetalotofthingsinmotion.”
Irollmyeyesevenasablushspreadsovermyskin.“Maybeyoushouldhaveinvitedhimheretonight.Wehavehimtothankforourrelationship.”
Ivanswirlsmeoutandthenbackagainsthischest,holdingmeclose.I’mnotagooddancer,butIvanisgracefulenoughforthebothofus.
Hepresseshischeektomytemple,hiswordssoftinmyear.“No.Thisisallus,Cora.Youandme.Wegotourselveshere.”
IlookoverhisshoulderatJordenandYashastandingshouldertoshoulder,smilingliketwoidiotsinlove.AnyaandLevaresharingapieceofcake,feedingeachotherlittlebitesandlaughing.EvenIvan’sdadlooksmarginallyhappyfromhisperchatthetableinthefarbackcorner.BorisPushkinprobablystilldoesn’tapproveofme,buthe’ssmartenoughtostayquietaboutit.
Thenthere’sthegiftsIsawonthegifttableearlier.AcardfromKaterinawithoutareturnaddress.She’sontheothersideoftheworld,singleandhappy.EvenKonstantinsentagift.Ivantoldmeitwashispeaceoffering.TheelderSokolovknowsIvankilledMikhail,buthealsoknowshissonwasarecklessasshole.Ivandidn’thaveachoice
Allaroundusarethesignsofanewbeginning.Afuturewe’vecarvedoutforourselves.
Ican’twaitanothersecondtogetstarted.
“You’reright.”Myvoiceisshaking,butIpowerthrough.“Wegotourselveshere.Allthreeofus,actually.”
Ivanspinsuswithease,butIfeelthemomenthefalters.Hishandtightensaroundmineandhedrawsbacktolookdownatme.I’veneverseenhimsostill
“Thethreeofus,”herepeats,takinginmyfreshwaveoftearsandthesmileIcan’tbitebackanothersecond.
“We’rehavingababy,”Iblurt.“I’mpregnant.”
Ivancrushesmeintoahugjustasthesongends.Theguestscheer,buttheyaren’tinonourlittlesecret.It’sjustforthetwoofus.
Astheorchestraplayson,everyoneshiftsontothedancefloor.ButIvandragsmeawayintheotherdirection.
Hehaulsmebythehandupstairs,downthehall,andintohisoffice.IcanhearthehumofthepartyandseetheglowofthelightsthroughtheFrenchdoorsasmyhusbandwrapsmylegsaroundhiswaistandpressesmeagainstthewall
Unlikethefirsttime,thisisn’tafantasyIaccidentallyletmyselfgetlostin.BeingwithIvanisn’tabreakfromrealitythatIwilltrytoenjoyaslongasIcanbeforeheisgoneforever
Ivanismyreallifefairytale.
Thisisourhappilyeverafter.EPILOGUE:CORATWOYEARSLATER
Ivanparksandkillstheengine,butIcan’tbringmyselftogetoutofthecar.Isinkdowninmyseatandstareupatthehouse.TheporchstepsmightaswellbeMt.Everest.
“Ifeelterrible,”Imumble.
“We’llgetyouinsideandyoucanlaydown.”
Ishakemyhead.“Notphysically.Emotionally.Ifeelbad.”
Ivanchucklesandtucksastrandofhairbehindmyear.“There’snothingtofeelbadabout.Thenightgotcutalittleshort,butwedidn’thavetogooutinthefirstplace.Iwasfinestayinghome.”
“It’soursecondanniversary,though.Wehavetocelebrate.”
“Yes,”heagrees,leaninginandkissingmyshoulder.“Whichwecouldhavedonefromourcouch.Nileswouldhavelovedtoorderusananniversarydinner.”
He’snotwrong.Nilesmadelittleinquiriesallweekaboutwhatourplanswereandiftherewasanythinghecouldhelpwith.
Igroan.“Now,Ifeelbadaboutthat,too.Ialreadypulledoutofthetriphetriedtosurpriseuswith.TheleastIcouldhavedoneislethimmakeussomedinner.”
“Nilesknowswhyyoupulledoutofthetrip.Heisn’tmadatyou.”
“Youdon’tknowthat.Nileswouldneveradmithe’smadinamillionyears,evenifheis.”
“BecauseheknowsI’dstringhimfromthechandelierbyhisankles.”
Isnort.“YouwouldneverhurtNiles.”
Ivanarchesbothbrows.“I’llhurtanyonewhomakesmypregnantwifefeelbadaboutbeingtoosicktotakeatrip.Youaregrowingapersonandtakingcareofatoddler.Youdeservetodowhateveryouwantwhenyouwantit.”
He’srubbingmyshoulder.Ireachupandgrabhishand,thenholditinmylap,mythumbstracinghisknuckles.“You’rereallynotupset?BecauseI’dunderstandifyouare.WeweresupposedtogotoBoraBora.Instead,Icouldn’tevenmakeitthroughtheentreeatourfavoriterestaurantbeforeIfeltlikeIwasgoingtohurl.”
“IfI’mmadatanyone,it’sthebitchnexttouswhoorderedtheseafood.”
Ilaugh.“That‘bitch’wasatleastninety.”
“ShecouldbeninehundredandIstillwouldn’tgiveashit.Ishould’vepuntedhertothecurb.”
Iknowhe’snotserious,butIlovebeingthepersonIvanwillalwaysfighttodefend.
Ialsolovebeingthepersonwhocancalmhimdown.
Slowly,Idragmyhanduphisarm.“It’sokay.Thenauseahaspassednow.ButI’mstillsufferingfromotherfirsttrimestersymptoms.”
“I’llgetyouwhateveryouneed.Justtellme.”
Iturntohim,oureyesmeetinginthedark.“DoyourememberwhatthingswerelikewhenIwaspregnantthelasttime?”
I’mtryinghardtofeelsexy,butit’sachoreconsideringthat,fifteenminutesago,IvanwasholdingmyhairbackwhileIthrewupinaplanterboxbythecurb.Myteetharebrushed—allpregnantwomenshouldkeepanemergencykitoftoothbrushingsuppliesintheirpurse—butI’mnotsureminttoothpasteisenoughtorecoverthemood.
Atleast,Ithinkso.UntilIvanunderstandswhatImean.
Hegentlywrapshishandaroundmythroatandtipsmyheadtooneside.Hiseyesareblackinthelightsfromthecar’sconsole.“Youwerefuckinginsatiable,Cora.Ithoughtyouweregoingtowearmeout.”
“ButIneverdid,”Igrin.“Youwerealwaysupforthechallenge.Areyouupforitnow?”
Hechucklesdarklyandslidesmyhanddowntothefrontofhispants.Hearchesabrowinchallenge.“I’mupforitifyouare.”
Themixofpregnancyhormonesracingthroughmearemostdefinitelyupforit.Icanalreadyfeelthedampnesspoolingbetweenmylegs.Icanalsodefinitelyfeelhowrock-solidIvan’serectionis
Hestridesaroundthecarandopensmydoor.Thenwecreepupthefrontsteps.
“Matveishouldalreadybeasleep,”Ivanwhispers,slippinghiskeysilentlyintothedoor.“IfwecancreeppastYashaandJordenonthecouch,theycanstickaroundandmakesurehestaysasleepwhilewetakecareofyouupstairs.”
BetweenYashaandJordenandAnyaandLev,Matveihasnoshortageofauntsanduncleswhoaredyingtotakecareofhim.NottomentionGrandpa.Mydadisanabsolutesoftyformybabyboy.ButI’mgladhe’snotheretonight.WiththewayI’mfeeling,thelastpersonIwanttorunintoonmywayupstairsismydad.
MybodybrushesagainstIvan’sarm.“Ifyouwanttofullytakecareofme,theymightneedtostaythenight.”
Ivansmilesandthesoftcurveofhislipspairedwiththesquarelineofhisjawisalmostenoughformetothrowmyselfathimrighthere.Forgetsneakingupstairs—wecandoitontheporch.
Butproprietyandalittlemercyforwhoeveronthesecurityteamismanningthecamerastonightwinsout.ItuckawaymyinnerfreakandfollowIvaninside
Thehouseisdarkandquiet.Usually,JordenandYashaputMatveitobedandthenpostupinthedenandwatchmovies.ButIdon’thearasoundtonight.
“Maybetheyareupstairsinhisnursery?”Iwhisper.
Ivannodslikeit’sapossibility,buthisbrowscreasetogether.Hetiptoesintothesittingroom.Whenhefindsitempty,hestandstallandspinsaround
Mychesttightens.“Iseverythingokay?”
“I’mgoingtocallthesecurityshackandseeifthey’veheard—”AsoftthudinterruptshimandIvanwhipsaround.He’sstaringattheclosetinthehallway,everymuscleinhisbodytense.
“Ivan?”Ihiss.
“GocheckonMatvei,”heorders.Thenheinchestowardsthecloset.
I’msuddenlyterrified.Whateverisgoingon,Iwanttoknowthatmybabyboyisokay.
Ipulloutmyphoneandopenthebabymonitorapp.ThelivefeedloadsupforthreeexcruciatingsecondsbeforeIseeMatveilyingonhissideinhiscrib,perfectlysafeandasleep.Hisroomisotherwiseempty.
Forthemoment,he’ssafe.
SoIturnmyattentionbacktoIvanandwatchhimglideacrosstheroom.Myanxietyspikeshigherwitheverystep.I’mnotarmed,soIgrabakeyfromtheceramicbowlonthefoyertableandholditbetweenmyknuckleslikeI’mWolverine.It’snotmuch,butit’sbetterthannothing.
There’sanotherthudandclatterfrominsidethecloset.Itsoundslikesomethingfallsoffoneoftheshelves.
Ivanhesitatesoutsidethedoorforjustasecondbeforeheyanksitopen.“Whothefuckareyouandwhatareyoudoinginmy—”
Hisvoiceislostinachorusofshrieking.Onemale,onefemale.
ThenIvanjumpsbackwithascowltwistinghisface.“Forfuck’ssake!Putyourassaway,Yasha!”
Myheartishammeringfromtheanxietyandthenoise,butIstormintothesittingroom.“What?”
Theclosetdoorisopenandnow,IcanseeexactlywhatIvanwastalkingabout
Yasha’sbareassisframedinthedoorway.Hispantsarearoundhisankles.Alsoaroundhisankles…mybestfriend’sfeet.
JordenispinnedagainstthegameshelfinapositionthatlookseerilysimilartotheoneIvanputmeinonourweddingday.
“Don’tlook!”ShereachesoverYasha’sshoulderandtriestoclosetheclosetdoor,butshecan’treach.“Closethedoor,Yasha.”
“I’malittlebusyhere!IfIclosethedoor,Ivanisgoingtoseealotmorethanmyass.”
Eveninthedimlight,IcantellJorden’sfaceisbeetred.Shemeetsmyeyesandseemstowiltinembarrassment.“Oh.Hi,Cora.”
“Ivan,closethedoor,”Isay.“YashaandJorden,getdressedandgetouthere.”
Ivanclosesthedoorandthenwalkstowardsme,shakinghishead.“Somuchforsneakingupstairs.”
“Whatthehellweretheythinking?”Isnap.Asecondlater,Ihavethechancetoaskthesexualdelinquentsthemselves.“Whatthehellwereyoutwothinking?”
Yashaisdressed,buthisshirtisbuttonedwrongandhishairisstickingupineverydirection.Jordenlooksfineexceptforherswollenlipsandthebeginningofahickeyonherneck.
“Wewerethinkingitwouldbeawkwardforthetwoofyoutocomehomeandfindusonthecouch,”Yasharetorts.“Wewerebeingcourteous.”
“‘Courteous’would’veinvolvednotgettinghotandheavyinaclosetwhenyou’resupposedtobebabysitting,”Ivanrumbles.
“ImadesureMatveiwasasleepfirst!”Jordenprotests.
Yashaarchesabrow.“Forsomeonewholivesinaglasshouse,youarethrowingalotofstones,boss.IhadthepleasureofwalkingpastthesittingroomlastweekwhenCorawasonthebackofthecouchwithherlegsspreadandIvanwas—”
Iscreambeforehecanevenfinish.“Wewerehomealone!”
ThatdaywasactuallyoneofmyfirsthintsthatIwaspregnant.I’dfollowedIvanintotheshowerthatmorningandthen,justafewhourslater,Iwasachingforhimagain.Thememoryofhisbeardstubblescrapingmyinnerthighssendsheatfloodingeverywhere.
“Notquite.”Yashasmirks.“SoIthoughttheclosetwouldbeabetterchoicethanthatpublicdisplay.”
Oh,God.Killmenow.
IvanlooksatmeandthenspinsbacktoYasha.“Forgetyoueversawthat.Andnexttime,ifyouwanttobecourteous,waituntilyou’reathome.Youaren’tafuckingteenager.Youcanwait.”
“Actually,wecouldn’t.”Jordenbitesherlowerlipandthenholdsupherlefthand.There’sacartoonishlylargereddiamondonherringfinger.Ittakesmeasecondtorealizeit’saRingPop.
Ilookfromtheringtoherandbackagainbeforeitclicks.“Holyshit!You’reengaged!”
Jordengrinsandnods.“Yashajustproposedtome.”
“WithaRingPop?”Ivanasksunderhisbreath.
Yashaelbowshimhard.“It’sallIhadonhand,okay?Iwasbeingspontaneous.”
IpullJordenintoahugwhileIvanclapsYashaontheback.
“Youtwoarecheesyanddisgusting,butwe’rehappyforyou,”Ivansays.
Inod.“Sohappy.Beyondhappy!Especiallysinceyoutwotriedtokeepitasecretthatyouwereevendatingformonths.ThefactIknowthesamedaythatyou’reengagedisashock.”
“Itwouldhavebeenhardtokeepitasecret,”Jordensays.
ShelooksatYashaandsomethingpassesbetweenthem.WhenYashaturnsbacktous,hissmileissobigitlookslikehe’sgoingtoburst.He’sbouncingfromheeltotoelikeakidwaitinginlinetomeetSanta.
Ivanbreaksthetension.“Whateveritis,sayit.You’reshitatkeepingsecrets.”
YashalookstoJordenandsherollshereyes,butwaveshimon.
“TheengagementwaskindofarushjobbecauseJordenjusttoldme…she’spregnant!”
Myjawdrops.“What?!”
Yashalooksnothingbutrelievedtohavethesetwosecretsoffhischest.Forworkinginacriminalorganization,hereallyisterribleatdeceptionwhenitcomestostufflikethis.
“I’mpregnant,”Jordenconfirms,wipingtearsfromhereyes.“Ijustfoundoutlastweek,butyoumadeyourannouncementandIdidn’twanttosteponyourtoes.SoIwaswaitinguntilthetimewasright,but—”
“Youcouldneversteponmytoes!”Isqueezeherhandsandpullherinclose.“Iampregnantatthesametimeasmybestfriendintheentireworld!HowcouldIeverbeanythingbutthrilledaboutthat?”
“I’dbealittlemorethrilledifIcouldopentheclosetwithoutseeingYasha’sbareassfortherestofmylife,”Ivangrowls.ThenhesmilesandwrapsanarmaroundYasha’sshoulders.“ButI’mstillthrilled.”
It’shugsandcongratulationsallaround.Thenweallsitdownonthecouchinahazeofhappiness.
“I’mgoingtobeadad,”Yashafinallysays,shakinghishead.“Canyoubelievethat?”
“IcanhonestlysayIcan’tbelieveit,”Ivansays.“Butyou’regoingtobeagreatone.”
“Yeah?”heasks.
Jordenlaysherheadonhisshoulderandlooksupathimwithnothingbutadoration.“Yeah.”
YashakissesherforeheadandIvanlooksoveratme.He’sbeamingwithprideforourfriendsandthere’snootherwayIwishthisnighthadgone.
EspeciallysinceIknowwe’llstillmakeourwayupstairseventually.
Wehaveallthetimeintheworldforthat.EXTENDEDEPILOGUE:IVANSIXTEENYEARSLATER
CheckouttheExtendedEpiloguetotakeasneakpeeksixteenyearsintothefuture!LearnaboutYashaandJorden’sdaughter,IvanandCora’sheirs,andaglimpseofwhatlovelookslikealmosttwodecadesafter“Ido”!
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