(Dangerous Damsels Book 2) The League of Gentlewomen Witches

PRAISEFORTHEWISTERIASOCIETYOFLADYSCOUNDRELS
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ALSOBYINDIAHOLTON
TheWisteriaSocietyofLadyScoundrels
TheLeagueofGentlewomenWitches
AJOVEBOOK
PublishedbyBerkley
AnimprintofPenguinRandomHouseLLC
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Copyright?2022byIndiaHolton
ExcerptfromTheWisteriaSocietyofLadyScoundrelscopyright?2021byIndiaHolton.
PenguinRandomHousesupportscopyright.Copyrightfuelscreativity,encouragesdiversevoices,promotesfreespeech,andcreatesavibrantculture.Thankyouforbuyinganauthorizededitionofthisbookandforcomplyingwithcopyrightlawsbynotreproducing,scanning,ordistributinganypartofitinanyformwithoutpermission.YouaresupportingwritersandallowingPenguinRandomHousetocontinuetopublishbooksforeveryreader.
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LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData
Names:Holton,India,author.
Title:Theleagueofgentlewomenwitches/IndiaHolton.
Description:FirstEdition.|NewYork:Jove,2022.|Series:Dangerousdamsels
Identifiers:LCCN2021042014(print)|LCCN2021042015(ebook)|ISBN9780593200186(tradepaperback)|ISBN9780593200193(ebook)
Classification:LCCPR9639.4.H66L432022(print)|LCCPR9639.4.H66(ebook)|DDC823/.92—dc23
LCrecordavailableathttps://lccn.loc.gov/2021042014
LCebookrecordavailableathttps://lccn.loc.gov/2021042015
FirstEdition:March2022
BookdesignbyLauraCorless,adaptedforebookbyCoraWigen
Thisisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,places,andincidentseitheraretheproductoftheauthor’simaginationorareusedfictitiously,andanyresemblancetoactualpersons,livingordead,businessestablishments,events,orlocalesisentirelycoincidental.
pid_prh_6.0_139403811_c0_r0
CONTENTS
Cover
PraiseforTheWisteriaSocietyofLadyScoundrels
AlsobyIndiaHolton
TitlePage
Copyright
Dedication
TableofSignificantCharacters
Chapter1
Chapter2
Chapter3
Chapter4
Chapter5
Chapter6
Chapter7
Chapter8
Chapter9
Chapter10
Chapter11
Chapter12
Chapter13
Chapter14
Chapter15
Chapter16
Chapter17
Chapter18
Chapter19
Chapter20
Chapter21
Chapter22
Chapter23
Chapter24
Chapter25
Chapter26
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
ExcerptfromTheWisteriaSocietyofLadyScoundrels
AbouttheAuthor
Forallthewildwindgirls
TABLEOFSIGNIFICANTCHARACTERS
–InOrderofAppearance–
CharlottePettifer…abibliophile
AlexanderO’Riley…apirateoflowmoralsbutattractivelyhighcheekbones
Londontraffic…difficult
MissPlim…generallyspeaking,aflyineveryone’sointment
MrsPettifer…ourheroine’smother
Woollery…aquick-wittedbutler
MissGloughenbury…arival
MrsChuke…abearerofinterestingnews
MissDearlove…atremulouslady’smaid
NedLightbourne…acharmingrogue
ConstantinoplaBrown…ayoungwoman
Variousmuseumstaff
CeciliaBassingthwaite…apirateofscandalousrepute
Assortedpirates
Sundrywitches
MrPettifer…ourheroine’sfather
EugeniaCuttle-Plim…asour-mouthedcousin
DoctorAnneSmith…decidedlyarch
MrSmith…anunexpectedhusband
TomEames…inthewrongplaceatthewrongtime
LadyArmitage…apersistentnemesisandmatrimoniophile
Bixby…animpeccablebutler
DetectiveInspectorCreeve…nasallygifted
MrsRotunder…anextravagantlyhattedpirate
Hooper…championfisherman
Mr.&Mrs.Smith…caughtinastorm
Aninformativechambermaid
Severaltourists
Mr.Rotunder…agentlemanandassortedfurniture
VicarDickersley…twice-kidnapped,once-shy
Mrs.Ogden…aninnocentbystander
1TEA&SANDWICHES—WHATTHEDICKENS—ANINDECOROUSMELEE—OURHEROINESETSFORTH—EXPLOSIONS—THEPERILSOFCHARITY—INTERESTINGFOOTWEAR—ELIZABETHBENNETISNOTCONSULTED—ABADDECISION
Charlottecouldlistennomoreinsilence.Forseveralminutesnowayoungmanattheteahousecounterhadbeenabusingawaiterwithlanguagethatpiercedhersoul.Shehadtriedtobehaveastheothercustomersandlookaway—afterall,whodidnotunderstandthepainofbeingdisappointedinone’shopesforawarmcurrantscone?Butfinallyherpatiencebroke,andshesimplyhadtospeakbysuchmeansaswerewithinherreach—namely,avolumeofDickensshehadbeenreadingoverteaandsandwiches.
Risingfromherchair,shecastGreatExpectationsattheyoungman’sheadandthensettleddownoncemoretoherluncheon.
Theyoungmanroared.Clutchinghishead,eyesblazing,heglaredaroundthecafeteria.“Whodidthat?!”
Charlotteraisedonedelicate,lace-glovedhand.
“Hedid,”shesaid,pointingtoadark-hairedgentlemanatanearbytable.
Severalladiesgasped.Herchosenscapegoat,however,gavenoreaction.Charlottewasunsurprised.Shehadseenhimentertheteahouseearlierandnotedataglancehoweverythingabouthimwasrich,fromhislongblackovercoattohisgold-handledbriefcase.Shecouldnotimaginehimpayingattentiontoanyonehemightconsiderlesserthanhimself.Indeed,hereadhisnewspaperanddrankhiscoffeeasifshehadnotevenspoken.
Theangryyoungmanhadheardherwellenough,however.Hestormedacrosstosnatchthegentleman’snewspaperandflingitdramaticallytotheground.Themomentwasratherspoiledbypapersheetsflutteringabout,onecoveringhisfaceandtherebymutinghistirade,buthepulleditaway,scrunchingitwithinafist.
“Whatdoyouthinkyou’redoing?”hedemanded,brandishinghisknucklesalongwiththerumpledpaper.
Thegentlemanblinkedcomposedly.“Ibegyourpardon?”
“Youthrewabookatme!Standup,mister,andfacejustice!”
“Don’tberidiculous,”thegentlemanreplied,unmoved.Charlottenotedthathisvoicewasrichtoo,withaslightaccentwoventhroughlikegoldthread.“Compensatemeformynewspaperthenreturntowhatevergutterfromwhichyoucrawled.Youaredisturbingthepeace.”
“I’llgiveyoudisturbing!”Theyoungmangraspedthecoatlapelsoftheolderandhauledhimfromhischair.
“Goodnessme,”Charlottemurmured,leaningbackasthemenstumbledagainsthertable.Screamsarosefromtheotherpatrons,butCharlottedidnotindulgeinshock.Herteacupwasrattlinginitssaucer.Hersandwichesalmostleapedofftheirplate.Ifshesataroundgasping,luncheonwouldbeentirelyspoiled.
Withasigh,shestood,layinghernapkinonthetable.Shetookalastsipofteawhilethemenknockedoverchairswiththeirfuriouswrestling.Shewrappedhersandwichesinthenapkin,rescuedherpursefromthetablemomentsbeforethemencrashedontoit,thenlefttheteahouse,pickingupthegentleman’sbriefcaseasshewent.
Atinybelltinkledassheopenedthedoorandsteppedout.Abreezepluckedatherstrawberryblondecoiffurebutwasunabletodisruptit.Charlottepaused,squintingagainstthelambentafternoonlight,andconsideredherrouteahead.
St.James’sStreetwasbusyasusualwithabrightdriftofladiesgoingabouttheirregularbusiness,shoppingandsightseeingandgenerallymakingapromenadeofthemselves.Awomandressedsimplyingray,withonlyonefeatheronherhatandthesmallestbustlepossiblewithoutbeingindecent,wouldstandoutmostregrettablyamongstthem.Buttherewasnochoice.Sheclosedtheshopdoorjustasateapotsmashedagainstit.Fromwithinthepremisescamealady’sanguishedcry,andthenamanshouted:“Whereismybriefcase?!”Charlottestraightenedhermodesthat,hungherpursefromthecrookofherelbow,andproceededalongthestreet.
Shehadnotgonefarwhenthetinkleofadoorbellshookthroughherconsciousness.Withoutglancingback,shebegantolengthenherstride.ShemanagedtocoverseveralyardsofSt.James’sStreetwithinmomentsand,noddingtoacknowledgeapoliceconstablewhoveeredinhispathtomakewayforher,turnedontoKingStreet.
Almostatonceshefoundherselfstalledbyahalfdozenladieslaughingtogetherastheymovedataratethatbarelyqualifiedasstrolling.Charlottemanagedtotapherfootimpatientlyevenassheedgedforwardbehindthem.
“Stop,thief!”aroseashoutfromSt.James’sStreet,theforceofitsangermakingitclearlyaudibledespitethedistance.Charlotteattemptedtocircumnavigatetheladieswithoutsuccess.Really,peoplehadnoconsiderationforothersthesedays.Howwasonesupposedtoeffectarobberywhendawdlersblockedthefootpathinthisdisgracefulmanner?Theylefthernooptionbuttocastoffalldecorumandstepoutamongstthewagonsontheroad.
Adriverholleredathertoimmediatelyevacuatehisintendedroute(oratleastwordstothateffect).Asshelookedback,CharlottesawthegentlemanfromtheteahouseenterKingStreet,hiscoatbillowingashestrodetowardher.Realizingthatshewouldnotbeabletooutpacehim,shemutteredunderherbreath.
Allofasudden,thewagon’shorseswhinniedandreared,forcingtheirvehicletoashudderingstopinthecenteroftheroad.Pumpkinsflewfromtheback,burstingopenonthecobblestonesandcausingladiestoscreamasorangemushsplatteredovertheirgowns.Aphaetoncomingupbehindnarrowlyavoidedcollision,andasitsdriverrosefromhisseattoshoutabuseatthewagoner,variouspedestriansrushedtojoinin.
Withinseconds,thestreetwasblocked.
Charlottewalkedawayfromthetumult,herheelsclickingdelicatelyagainstthepaving.NoticingAlmack’spublicassemblyhousefartheralong,shebegantoaimforit.
Apoliceman’swhistlepiercedtheclamorofthecrowd,andCharlottewinced.Painfromthenoisericochetedalonghernerves.IfonlyshecouldleaveLondonwithallitscacophonyandretiretoHampshire,birthplaceofJaneAusten,wheregreenpeacewhisperedwildyetgentlepoetrytoone’sheart.Itwasnevertobe—dutyforcedherpresenceinLondon,nobleduty(andthefacttherewasnotmuchofvaluetostealinthecountryside)—yetstillshedreamed.Andoccasionallytookbriefjauntsbytrainbecause,truly,therewasnothinglikeleavinghomeforrealcomfort.
Thusimaginingoaktreesandcountrylaneswhilebehindherthebrawlintensified,CharlottemadeherwaywithoutfurtherimpedimenttowardAlmack’s.Itsdoorstoodopen,adeliveryboy’sbicycleleaningonthewallbesideit,andthewarminteriorshadowspromisedrespitefromLondon’sinconveniences—aswellasabackdoorthroughwhichshecouldslipunnoticedbypolicemen,pumpkincarters,andaggravatedbriefcaseowners.Shewasalmosttherewhenshesawthechild.
Amerescrapofhumanity,hehuddledwithintornandfilthyclothes,hissmallhandextendedpathetically.CharlottelookedathimandthenatAlmack’sdoor.Shecametoadecisivestop.
“Hello,”shesaidinthestifftonesofsomeoneunusedtoconversingwithchildren.“Areyouhungry?”
Theurchinnodded.Charlotteofferedhimherwrappedsandwichesbuthehesitated,hiseyesgrowingwideandfearfulasheglancedoverhershoulder.Suddenly,hesnatchedthefoodandran.
Charlottewatchedhimgo.Twocucumbersandwicheswouldnotsustainaboyforlong,butnodoubthecouldsellthelinennapkintogoodeffect.Shealmostsmiledatthethought.Thenshedrewherselfuptoherfullestheight,liftedherchin,andturnedtolookatthegentlemannowloomingoverher.
“Goodafternoon,”shesaid,tighteninghergriponhisbriefcase.
Inreply,hecaughtherarmlestshefollowtheexampleoftheurchin.Hisexpressiontumbledthroughsurpriseanduncertaintybeforelandingonthehardgroundofdispleasure;hisdarkblueeyessmoldered.Forthefirsttime,Charlottenoticedheworehighleatherboots,strappedandbuckled,scarredfrominterestinguse—bootstomakeawoman’shearttremble,eitherintrepidationordelight,dependingonhereducation.Asilverhookhungfromhisleftear;arubyringencircledonethumb,andwhatshehadtakenforabeardwasmereunshavenstubble.AltogetheritledtoaconclusionCharlottewasappallednottohavereachedearlier.
“Pirate,”shesaidindisgust.
“Thief,”heretorted.“Givemebackmybriefcase.”
Howrude!Noteventhesuggestionofaplease!Butwhatelsecouldoneexpectfromabarbarianwhoprobablyflewaroundinsomebrickcottagethinkinghimselfagreatmanjustbecausehecouldgetitup?Piratesreallywerethelowestofthelow,evenif—orpossiblybecause—theycouldgohigherthaneveryoneelseintheirmagic-raisedbattlehouses.Suchanunsubtleuseofenchantmentwasacrimeagainstcivilization,evenbeforeonecountedinthepiracy.Charlotteallowedherirritationtoshow,althoughfrowningonthestreetwasdreadfullyunladylike.
“Possessionisnine-tenthsofthelaw,sir.KindlyunhandmeandIwillnotsummonapoliceofficertochargeyouwithmolestation.”
Hesurprisedherbylaughing.“Iseeyouareawitaswellasathief.Andanunlikelyphilanthropisttoo.Ifyouhadn’tstoppedfortheboy,youmighthavegottenaway.”
“Istillshall.”
“Idon’tthinkso.Youmaybeclever,butIcouldhaveyouonthegroundinaninstant.”
“Youcould,”Charlotteagreedplacidly.“However,youmayliketonotethatmyshoeispressedagainstyourfoot.IfIamsoinclined,Icanreleaseapoisoneddartfromitsheelwhichwillpenetratebootandskintoparalyzeyouwithinmoments.”
Heraisedaneyebrow.“Ingenious.Soyoutooareapirate,Itakeit?”
Charlottegasped,tryingtotugherarmfromhisgrip.“Imostcertainlyamnot,sir,andIdemandanapologyfortheinsult!”
Heshrugged.
Charlottewaited,butapparentlythatwastheextentofhisreply.Shedrewatightbreath,determinedtoremaincalm.WhatwouldJaneAusten’sfiercestheroine,ElizabethBennet,dointhissituation?
“Iconsidermyselfareasonablewoman,”shesaid.“Itakeprideinnotbeingprejudiced.Althoughyourbehaviorisdisgraceful,andIshallsurelyhavebruisesonmyarm,Idoappreciatethishasbeenadifficultafternoonforyou.Therefore,Igiveyoupermissiontowithdraw.”
“Howkind,”hesaidwryly,althoughhedideasehisgriponherarm.“Iamgoingnowhere,however,withoutmybriefcase.”
“Butitisfortheorphans,”shesaid,hertonesuggestinghorrorthathewoulddeprivethepoor,wretchedcreaturesofwhateversmallcomforthisbriefcasemightaffordthem.
“Theorphans,indeed?Andyou’retakingittothemrightnow?”
“Don’tberidiculous.It’safternoon.Nowell-manneredladydoesbusinessintheafternoon.I’mtakingithome,sellingitscontents,andaddingtheincometomyestate.Itwillsupportmygeneralaffluenceandprestige,whichinturnwilllendweighttomyopinionaboutthesadplightoforphans.”
“Isee.SobycontributingtoyourpersonalwealthIamhelpingthepoor?”
“Exactly.”
Hegrinned.“Yousureyou’renotapirate?”
“Certainlynot!Iamtheoppositeofapirate.Iamagoodperson.Ionlystealfromtherich.”
“Andthosewhowouldberichifthey’djustputtheirmindstoit?”
“Yes.”Shepaused,frowning.“No.Thatis—”Shebrokeoff,muttering
“Ibegyourpardon?”themanasked,thenflinchedasapumpkinflewpasthishead,narrowlymissinghimbeforeexplodingagainstthewallofAlmack’s.Wetpulpsplashedhiscoat,althoughbygoodfortune(andsomereversalofthelawsofphysics)nonetouchedCharlotte.
Themanregardedhersteadilyforalongmoment.Thenwithhisfreehandhepulledbackhersleevetorevealadelicategoldbraceletsetwithtinyjeweledbeecharms.
“Ithoughtso.I’veheardofwomenlikeyou.Whatisyourname?”
Charlottetriedagaintoescapehisgrip,withoutsuccess.“Verywell,”sherelented.“IamMissAnneSmith.AndwhomdoIhavethemisfortuneofaddressing?”
“CaptainAlexO’Riley,madam.Which,mayIadd,ismyrealname.”
SohewasIrish,assuggestedbyhismildaccent.AnIrishpirateinLondon.Charlottecouldonlyimaginetheunbridledpoetryhewasleavinginhiswake.“IcannotsayIampleasedtomeetyou,Mr.O’Riley.Butifyouleavemeyourcard,I’msureI’llacknowledgetheacquaintanceshouldwehappentoencountereachotheragainatsomepublicballorsoiree.”
“Or,”hecountered,“Icouldjustknockyouunconscious,takebackmybriefcase,andkissyoubeforeIleave.”
Hesmiledwickedly.Charlottealmostgaspedforthesecondtimeintwenty-oneyears.Heroutragewassogreat,shestruggledtosummonawittyretort.ElizabethBennet,consultedurgently,couldonlysuggestthathisarrogance,hisconceit,andhisselfishdisdainofthefeelingsofothers,weresuchastobypassherdisapprobationandmovestraighttodislike!ButCharlottedidnothavetimetoexpressallthatbeforehespokeagain.
“Forgiveme,”hesaidwithouttheslightestevidenceofremorse.“I’mnotusuallyquitesorough.ButwhatelsecanapiratedowhenhemeetsaladyoftheWickenLeague?”
Hegaveherasmug,challenginglook.
“Ihavenoideawhatyoumean,”Charlottereplied.
“No?”Hetippedhisheadtoonesideasifhemightseeherbettercrooked.“Ionceknewaladywithasimilarbraceletfeaturingbees.”
“Itisacommonsymbol.”
“Forheritshowedshebelongedtoacovertleagueofwomenskilledinthecunningarts.Thatistosay,althoughIbelieveitmustneverbesaid—”Glancingaroundtobesurenoonecouldhearhim,heleanedsocloseCharlottecouldseethesparksofmockeryinhiseyes.“Witchcraft.”
Charlotteconsideredthisforamoment,thendiscardingElizabethBennetinfavorofLydia,shestompeddownhardonhisfoot.
Purplesmokeburstfromherheel.Bother—wrongshoes!Thechurlmightsickenifhebreathedinthatsmoke,butsinceitwassomesixfeetbelowhismouthandnose,theriskofeventhatwasminimal.Sheherselfwasinmoredanger,beingshorterthanhim.Luckily,surprisehadcausedhimtoweakenhisgrip,andCharlotteyankedfree,bashedhiminthegutthenunderthechinwithhisownbriefcase,andmadearunforit.
“Stop!”heshouted,butdidnotfollow,onaccountofbeinghunchedover,clutchingathisstomach.Charlotteknew,however,thathe’dsoonrecoverandcatchuptoher.Escapingonfootwasgoingtobeimpossible.Almostwithoutthinking,shegrabbedholdofthedeliveryboy’sbicycleandclamberedonasquicklyasherskirtswouldallow.
Themachinewobbledasshebegantorideitacrossthecobblestones.Shespokerushedwordsunderherbreath.Aladyhurriedoutofherway,acrycouldbeheardfromwhatsheguessedwasthedeliveryboy,andshewentonurgentlymuttering,muttering,untilallatoncethebicycleliftedfromthefootpathintothesunlitair.
Alexgrinnedthroughhispainashewatchedthewitchtakeflight.Pedestriansweregaspingandpointingatthesightofawomanonanairbornebicycle—orperhapsbecauseherlacedrawersweremadevisiblebythebillowingofherskirts.Shereallywasrathermagnificent,heconceded,withherrichstrawberryblondehairandhereyesliketornadoweather,nottomentionherdelightfulwillingnesstomaimorkillhim.Hermanner,though,remindedAlexalittletoomuchofhischildhoodnurse.Thethoughtofkissingher,mingledwiththerecollectionofNannysmackinghisbottom,madeamanmoreflusteredthanhewantedtobeonapublicstreet.
Besides,Alexdislikedwitchesongeneralprinciple.Whilehe’donlyeverknownonebefore,thathadbeenonemorethanenough.Eventhememoryofhermadehimwince,andhehastilytransformedtheexpressionintoabroodingscowl,incasesomeonewaswatching.
TheWisteriaSociety,leadersofthepiratecommunity,consideredwitchcraftdéclassé,andAlextendedtoagreewiththem,althoughhepreferreddevious,destructive,andotheralliterativewordshecouldnotthinkupjustatthatmoment.AlthoughtheWickenLeagueemployedthesamemagicalincantationaspirates,theychosetodososubtly.Alexfoundthissuspicious.Whatkindofpersonpreferredtotriflewithminorthings—pumpkins,people,bicycles—whentheycouldflyactualbuildings?Andwhydoitsecretly,wheninfamywaspossible?
Ontheotherhand,healsoagreedwiththewitcheswhentheycalledpiratesunjustifiablyarrogant.Hehimselfwasentirelyjustifiedinhisarrogance,butsomepiratesheknewcouldbenefitfromtheWickenLeague’sassessment.Notthatsuchathingwouldeverhappen,sincethetwosocietiestooksuchmutualpleasurefromhatingeachotherthattheyneverwillinglymet.AlexwouldnothavechasedthewomantodayhadherealizedshebelongedtotheLeague.Hemightbeanefariousprivateer,buthedidnotgenerallyaskfortrouble.
Mindyou,thewitchwastheoneheadingfortroublenow.FlyingabicycleoveracrowdedstreetwasratherinconducivetotheLeague’sprecioussecrecy,andwhenherfellowwitcheslearnedaboutit,shewasgoingtobeinmoredangerthansheeverwouldhavebeenwithhim.
Atthethought,hesmiledandwaveduptoher.Losinghisbriefcasewasanuisance,forhe’dcomeuptoTownforaspotofblackmailing,maybeaswindleortwo,andherrobberyhadmuckedthatup.Butmostlyhejustfeltgladtoseehergo.Nevermindthathecouldstillsmellherenticinglypuritanicalscentofplainsoap,northathis—er,hisfootwasthrobbingfromherimpactonhim.Alexrespectedwomenenoughtoknowwhentokeepthehellawayfromthem.
Butgoodness,thosecertainlywereveryprettydrawers.
Charlottefrownedasshepedaledupward.Allherlifeshehadbeenboundbyonerule.Well,thatistosay,severaldozenrules,suchasneverputthemilkinbeforethetea,neverslouchonthesofa,andalwaysbrushone’shairahundredtimesbeforebed.Butbeneaththepettyrequirementsthatgovernedwomen’sexistence,therewasoneparticular
Neverdomagicinpublic.
Oh,shemightflingabookandmakeitseemthatshe’dusedherhandtodoso.Shemightstopawagon,tossitsproducetocreateadiversion.Butobviousmagic—thatwasstrictlyforbidden.Notonlymightshebeburnedaliveifcaught,butsheendangeredtheentireLeague.Justbecausenoonehadencounteredawitchhunterinmorethanacenturydidn’tmeantheyweren’toutthere,stalkingthestreetsandhauntingthenightmaresofdecent,law-breakingwitches.Charlottehadbeenraisedbetterthantobreakarule,takearisk.
AndcertainlyElizabethBennetwouldneverdoit.
Yethereshewas,ridingabicycleaboveabusyLondonstreetatnoonwhileacrowdofpedestriansstaredupatherinhorrifiedamazement.
Stupid,Charlottecastigatedherself.Somemangrabsyourarm,smilesatyoulikehe’sslowlyunlacingyourbrain,andyoupanicandthrowtwenty-oneyearsofscrupulouscautiontothewinds—literally.Thebriefcase’scontentshadbetterproveworthit.
Herhatfeatherflutteredinthebreezeasiffrommemory.Herskirtsbillowedaroundherknees.Charlottepedaledhardtogainheight.Ifshecouldjustsurmounttherooftops,she’dbeawayfree.Unabletoresistananxiousglancedownatthestreet,shesawCaptainO’Rileywavingcheerfullytoher.Therewassomethinginhishand—
Bother!He’dstolenherpurse.
“Odiouschurl!”sheshouted,andshookthebriefcaseathim.Helaughed.Thebicyclewaveredperilously,andasCharlottetriedtogripitshandlebarswithbothhands,thebriefcase’slatchsnapped.Beforeshecoulddoanything,ittippedopen.
Andshreddedblankpaperfloateddownonthecrowd.
2MISSPLIMDISAPPROVES—THEPASTANDTHEFUTURE—ADULLTALEINWHICHNOTHINGUNUSUALHAPPENED—NEWS!—ANACROBATICBUTLER—MORENEWS!—THERACEISON
Itisatruthseldomacknowledgedthatasinglewomaninpossessionofagoodfortuneisnotespeciallyinwantofahusband.MissJudithPlim,sociallyadvantagedandpossessingseveralfortunes(althoughlegallytheybelongedtootherpeople),hadalwaysfeltamanwouldaddnothingtoherhappiness.Asshegrewolderandtheworldofferednoopportunityforhertotestthistheory,shebecamesodeterminedinitthatsheassumedthesamemustbetrueforanywoman.
“JustconsiderpoorHadassahGreig,”shesaidtohersister,Mrs.Pettifer,astheysippedteaatalace-coveredtableinthePettiferdrawingroom.“Marriagehasruinedherhealth.Why,she’sonlybeenabridethreeweeksandispracticallybedridden!”
“Hm,”Mrs.Pettiferreplied.Sheflickedoverapageinthemagazineshehadopenonherlap.
MissPlimeyedhernarrowlythroughasmall,roundpairofspectacles.“Areyoulisteningtome,Delphine?”
“Ofcoursenot,dear.”Mrs.Pettiferheldoutherhandwithoutlookingupfromthemagazineand,withalowmutter,transportedabiscuitfromanearbyplatetoherfingers.“Butdon’tletthatstopyoufromgoingon.”
MissPlimpursedherlipsinlieuofemployingthewitches’incantationtopropelMrs.Pettiferoutthenearestwindow.Magicwasnottobeusedforfun.MissPlimwasveryclearonthat—soclear,indeed,thatshehadmadeittheunofficialmottooftheWickenLeaguebydintofsheernagging.Shewasastickler.Notforanythinginparticular,perse—but,rather,foreverything.Iftherewassticklingtobedone,MissPlimwasthewomanforthejob.Andnothingcalledforsticklingmorethanwitchcraft.
“Whatareyoureadinginthatragthatcouldbemoreimportantthanthewillfulself-ruinofindependentwomen?”shedemandedofhersister.
“AnaccountoftheBelfastriots,”Mrs.Pettifersaid.
“Huh.”
(Thiswas,itmustbesaid,anawfullybriefstatementontheIrishsituationfromawomanwhohadrecentlyusedwitchcrafttocampaignagainst“thatatrociousliberal”Gladstone,drivinghimsotodistractionbysubtlymovingthepenciltrayonhisdeskandthepottedfernonhiswindowsillthatheactuallyproposedHomeRulefortheIrishandgothimselflaughedoutofoffice.)
“Severalpeoplehavebeenkilled,”Mrs.Pettiferreported.“It’squiteshocking.”
MissPlimpeckedirritablyathertea.“Somethingmoreshockinghappenedyesterday.”
“Indeed?”Mrs.Pettiferflickedoveranotherpage.“Yousmiledatsomeone?”
“No.IwasinTwining’sandthatDarlingtonwomanwalkedin.Sheacknowledgedmepolitelywithanod.”
Atthis,Mrs.Pettiferfinallylookedup,hervelvetyeyesgrowingwide.“NotMissDarlington,thepirate?”
“Indeed,”MissPlimintoned.
“Howatrocious!Whatdidyoudo?”
“Arrangedforacanisterofteatofallonherhead,ofcourse.WhatelsecouldIdo?”
“Nothing,”Mrs.Pettiferagreed.“Andhowdidsherespond?”
“Braceyourself,sister.”
“Iambraced,sister.Tellme.”
“Shelaughed!”
Mrs.Pettifer,despitethebracing,gasped.
“Thisneverwouldhavehappenedafewmonthsago,”MissPlimsaid,shakingherheadassherecollectedtheoffensivescene.Theknotofblackhairuponhercrownreverberatedwithanattitudeofdisapprovalallitsown.“Apparentlythewomanhasgotherselfmarriedtosomeman,andit’scausedhertodevelopasenseofhumor.”Theselastthreewordswerespokenasiftheytastedofrawlemonrind.“Married,inheradvancedyears,andmoreoverwhensheisindependentlywealthy!Womenshouldonlybecamewivesiftheyhavenothingbettertodo.Granted,Darlingtonisapirate,thereforepronetostupidbehavior.Butaltogetherthismoderntrendforromanceisquiteridiculous.”
“Hm,”Mrs.Pettifersaid,tryingnottoglanceatthedozenredrosesherhusbandhadgivenheryesterday.Theystoodinavasejustbehindheroldersister’shead,makingthethin,gray-cladwomanappeartobewreathedwithfolly.IfonlysheknewhowMrs.PettiferhadexpressedgratitudetoMr.Pettiferforthoseroses…
AllatonceMrs.Pettiferwasobligedtorepurposethemagazineasafan.
“Iblameeducation,”MissPlimwassaying,oblivioustohersister’sblushes.“Thefemalebrainisweakenedwithallthoseramblingsfrommalephilosophersandfoolishexamplesfromkings.”Withaclickofhertongue,shedamnedtheentirecompassofpedagogicalarts,selectedatinysalmonsandwichfromthetieredplatebeforeher,thenmutteredafewwordstoengagetheteapotinrefillinghercupwhilesheherselfcutthesandwichintoquarters.“AtleastourCharlotteseemsestablishedasanoldmaid.”
“MyCharlotte,”Mrs.Pettiferamended,sincethegirlinquestionwasherdaughter.
“Don’ttalknonsense,Delphine.”MissPlimliftedthesandwichtoherlipsthenlowereditagainwithanexpressionofvaguerevulsion.“Youknowthat,astheProphesizedOne,CharlottebelongstotheentireWickenLeague.”Inotherwords,herself.Shewasafterall,asitsleader,theveryembodimentoftheLeague.(Orthearchetype.OrwhatevernounnecessarytojustifyCharlottebeinginhercontrol.)
Mrs.Pettifergaveasighascomplexashertightlycurledcoiffure.“Don’tmentionthatprophecy.IstillmaintainLetticejustwantedtopredictsmallerbustlesandhigherhemlines.”
“Balderdash.Iheardher—”
“Youdictatedtoher.”
“—andsheclearlysaidthetrueheirofBerylBlackwouldcome,bringinginaneweraofgreatness.Thenshepointedatyou.Sevenmonthslater,Charlottewasborn.”
Mrs.Pettiferrecalledthescenewithdistaste.Ithadquiteruinedherweddingday.ThefactLetticehaddiedlaterthatnightonlyservedtofurtherinspiregeneralbeliefinherprediction—mostlybecausetheLeaguewitchesknewawarningnottoaskquestionswhentheysawoneintheformofaknifehavingaccidentallyfallenintothebackofanelderlywomanwhilesheslept.
Thenagain,scandalwouldhaveeruptedhadCharlottenotbeenprophesizedsomehow.Witchesdislikedseeingpeoplegoabouttheirlivesinrandomfashion;itwasaltogetheruntidy.Why,onlyyesterdayMrs.Pettiferherselfhadbeenpredictedbyvariouscards,crystals,andpassingcloudstospendtheweekplayingtennis,buyingthatcharmingpinkhatinHarrod’s,andalas,havingafternoonteawithJudith.
“LetticecouldatleasthavewaiteduntilIwasonmyhoneymoontoannounceherprophecy,”shesaidwithabitterlookathersister.
MissPlimwouldhaveshruggedhadthatnotbeenunladylike(andratherdifficulttodowhenone’spostureisevenstifferthananEnglishman’supperlip).“Therewasnotimetowaste.RumorhaditMargaretCuttlewasabouttopayamediumtopredicthergranddaughterwastheOne.Canyouimagineanythingsounscrupulous?”
Mrs.PettiferthoughtofLettice’sbodyinitsblood-soakedbed,anddecidedchangingthesubjectwasadvisable.“IfyoufearedCharlottemarrying,”shesaid,“whydidyouinsistonherreceivingsuchathorougheducation?”
“Theriskwasnecessary.Evenifsheweren’ttheProphesizedOne,CharlotteisaPlim,andthereforeneededtobeeducatedwithherheritageinmind.”
Plimwomenhadbeenwitchesforalmosttwohundredyears,althoughthisdidnotequatetoabloodinheritanceofmagic.TheirpowercamefromaLatinincantationBerylBlackhadfoundinanoldsea-washedbottlewhilediggingagraveforherhusbandontheislandwherehe’dshipwreckedthem.(Heaskedherwhatthebottlewas;shetoldhimtogobacktosleep.)AfterBerylrealizedtheincantationcouldmoveanyobject,regardlessofweight,sheusedittoflyalocal’shutbacktoEngland,whereshesharedhertalewiththeladiesinherbookclub.ThustheWickenLeaguewasborn.(Andasubgroupoflesserimportance,comprisingladieswhosebookclubcontributionshadinvolveddrinkingtoomuchwineandreadingaloudluridscenesfrompenny-dreadfulnovels;theydegradedtheartofwitcheryintothecrudepracticeofflyinghousesanddeclaredthemselvestheWisteriaSociety.TheWickenLeaguehadanothernameforthem,tooimpolitetorecordhere.)
OneofthefirstwitcheswasAndromedaPlim,whobetrayedBeryltotheauthoritiesarrangedforherdarlingfriend’searlyretirement.OnceBerylwassafelytriedandhangedensconcedinthecountryside,Andromedatookoverherleadershiprole,andaPlimhadruledtheLeagueeversince.Soitwasaninheritancethatinvolvedblood,justnotPlimblood.
Charlotte’sroleasthenextleadercouldnotbeleftinthesofthandsofMrs.Pettifer,whobelievedinsuchnonsenseas“love”and“qualityoflife.”MissPlimhadinsteadinstalledastrictregimeofintellectualadvancementandpsychologicalrepressionthatwouldhaveleftboardingschoolheadmistressesweakattheknees.Andtheresultshadprovenasexcellentashercrystalballpredictedtheywould.Atnine,Charlottehadpouredaperfectcupofteawhilesittinginadifferentroomfromtheteaservice.Atnineteen,shehadstolentheearringsfromPrincessBeatrice’searlobeswithoutanyonenoticing.ShewastheapexofPlimmishness.Putaglassorplatedowninfrontofherandshewouldbeutterlyincapableofnotmovingit,evenbythemerestpartofaninch.OnedayshewouldtakechargeoftheWickenLeague,fulfillingtheprophecyandallowingMissPlimtoretire—i.e.,stayonrulingfrombehindthescenesuntilshewasatlastdraggedawaytohergrave.
“IshouldliketoseeLottiehappy,”Mrs.Pettifersaidwithanothersigh
“Youwould,”MissPlimmutteredsourly.Shereachedforanewsandwichbutwithdrewherhandempty.“Caviar.Really,Delphine,whatiswiththisnauticaltheme?Doyounothaveanygood,sensibleMarmite?”
Justthencameabangingofthefrontdoor,andfootstepshurriedacrosstheentrancehall.Theladiesglimpsedagray-cladfiguredashingpastthedrawingroom.
“Charlotte?”MissPlimcalled,hervoiceassharpasahook.“Isthatyou?”
Themomentarysilenceseemedtowince
“Charlotte,”Mrs.Pettiferrepeatedinawistfulmaternaltone,whichisfarworsethansharpness,foritcanbeignoredonlyatthecostofcripplingguilt.“Yourauntisvisiting.Comeandsayhello.”
Awomansteppedintothedoorway,bright-facedandbreathingalittletoofastforgoodmanners.“Myword!”MissPlimejaculatedwithastonishment.“Youlookasifyou’veemergedfromahurricane.”
Charlottetouchedtheoneloosestrandofhairfallenfrombeneathherhat.Thehatitselfwastilted;afewcreasesmarredherskirt.“Itookanunfamiliarroutehome,”sheexplained,“andfoundmyselfrushing.Hello,AuntJudith.Goodafternoon,Mama.”
“Won’tyoujoinusfortea?”Mrs.Pettiferasked.
Charlottehesitated,andtheladieswatchedherblinkasshetriedtocontriveagoodexcuse.Butfailingtodoso,shecametositatthetablewiththatparticularlyexquisitegraciousness,whichscreamsreluctance.“Whathaveyoubeenupto?”hermotherasked,passingherateacup.
“Upto?”ThecupshookinCharlotte’shand.Shesetitdownfirmlyandsmiled.“Nothing.Thatistosay,ploddingalongasnormal,feetontheground,quiteboring,really.”
“DidyougotoSt.James’sasyouplanned?”MissPliminquired.
“Briefly,”Charlottesaid—andthenunaccountablyflushed.“Imean,onlyforamoment.Justinandout.Sawnoonespecial,talkedtonoone,pleasepassthemilk.”
Mrs.Pettifereyedherdaughterwithconcernassheincantatedthesmallsilverjugacrossthetable.“Areyouquitethething,dear?”
Charlottesmiledagain.“Yes.Ofcourse.Howwasyourownmorning?”
“Ihavebeenbusyplanningtonight’sdinnerpartyandmakingsureCookorderedplentyofpumpkinsforthesoupLadyMontagueespeciallyloves.”
Suddenly,Mrs.PettiferandMissPlimgaspedinunison.MissPlimdroppedthesandwichshewasabouttonoteat;Mrs.Pettiferlaidahandagainstherlace-swathedbosom.
“Issomethingthematter?”Charlotteaskedassheanxiouslyreturnedtheirstares.
“Ithinkyouaretheonetotellusthat,”MissPlimsaid.
“Dear,”Mrs.Pettiferwhispered,“youhavejustpouredthemilkintoyourcup—beforethetea!”
Charlottelookedintohercupandblanched.“Ibegyourpardon,”shesaid.“Ithasbeenadifficult—whichistosay,aboringmorningthathasquitedulledmysenses.”
“Ahem.”
ThethreeladieslookeduptoseetheimperiousformofWoollery,thePettiferbutler,possessingthedoorway.“MissGloughenbury,”heannounced.
MissPlimandMrs.Pettiferexchangedaglance.Althoughneitherspoke,theformer’spainedsmileandthelatter’sleapingeyebrowsprovidedeloquenceenough.Amiddle-agedwomansailedpastWoolleryinamagnificenceoflace,ruffles,stripes,andbeads.Shecarriedasmallwhitepoodlealsodressedtowithinwhatwouldhavebeenaninchofitslifewereitnotactuallydeadandtaxidermied.
“Darlings,howlovelytoseeyou,”thewomandeclared.Hervoicewassocultured,everyvowelhaditsownbustleandfeatheredhat.Herfacewasarictusvarnishedwiththesortofglossyhealthobtainableonlyfromjars.
Thethreeladiesmurmuredinresponse
“AlthoughIfearIcannotentirelyseeyouwithallthislight.”Sheraisedaglovedhandtoshieldhereyes.“Howbraveyouaretokeepyourdrawingroomcurtainsopen.Alas,myowncomplexionistoorefinedformetoriskdoingsuchathing.”
“Youdouseadjectivesinthemostcharminglyobverseway,Mauddear,”MissPlimreplied.
“Darling!Andyou—”
“Won’tyouhavethisseat,MissGloughenbury?”Charlottesaid,standing.“Imustbegettingon.”
“Dostay,”MissGloughenburysaid,andCharlottewasobligedtostophalfwaytothedoororelseberude.“YouwillwanttohearwhatIhavetotellyourmotherandaunt.”
“Oh?”Charlottesmiledinmildinquiry.
“Yes,IrushedherestraightfromSt.James’stoshareit!”
“Why,CharlottewasonSt.James’sStreetjustthisveryhour,”Mrs.Pettifersaiddelightedly.
“Darlinggirl!”MissGloughenburystretchedhersmiletoshowfretfulness.“Howcouldyou?Isay,howevercouldyoudoit?”
“Um,”Charlottesaid.
“SurelyeveryoneknowsSt.James’sStreetisnottheplaceforniceladiesafternoon.Hm?Hm?”Shelookedaboutthecompanyforagreement,althoughshowednoactualinterestintheresults.“Allthosegentleman’sclubscorruptthefemininesoul.”
“Nonsense,”MissPliminterjected.Infact,sheagreedabouttheunsuitabilityofSt.James’sStreetforladypedestrians,butMissGloughenburymighthavesaidPlimswereequaltoqueensandshe’dhavedeclareditnonsense.Thetwoladieshadbeenindisputeeversinceattendingasoireeinthesamedress(thatis,nottogetherinthesamedress,whichwouldhaverepresentedawholedifferentkindofrivalry,buteachinacopyoftheother’s)andforthepastseveralyearshadonlyrefrainedfrommaimingeachotherbyinsteadusingcharitiesinaproxywarofspitefulgenerosityandbenevolence.Thatithadinadvertentlyledtolivesbeingsaved,andeachladybeingawardedmedals,wasaconsequenceneitherregarded,excepttoensuretheirnextdonationwasevenmoremedal-worthythantheother’shadbeen.
MissPlimproducedfromasecretpocketared-handleddevicefromwhichsheextractedatinybroomandproceededtosweepimaginarycrumbsfromtheteatable.ThisbothcalmedherfeelingsandgaveheranexcusenottolookatMissGloughenbury.“Ibelieveamodern,independentwomanshouldgowherevershepleases,”shelied.
“Includingintotheair?”MissGloughenburyasked.
MissPlim’sbroomflickedateaspoonfromthetable.“Wellofcoursenotthat.Onecannotcondonepiraticbehavior.”
“Exactly,darling.WhichiswhyIcameatoncetotellyou—”
SuddenlyCharlottecoughed.MissPlimlookedupintimetoseeabronzestatuetteonthemantelpiecebehindMissGloughenburybecomeliberatedfromitspositionandspeedtowardthelady’shead.OnlyaheroicdashbyWoollery,whograbbedthestatuettemid-flight,preventedtheladyfrombeingbrained.
“Idobegyourpardon,”Charlottesaid.
“That’sallright,dear,”Mrs.Pettiferreplied,smilingatherdaughter.“Whoamongstushasn’taccidentallycoughedtheincantation?”
“AsIwassaying,”MissGloughenburycontinued,pattingherdogpeevishly.“IwasonmywaytothehaberdasherstostealanewribbonforBarkerherewhenmypassagewasdivertedbyaterribletrafficaccidentonKingStreet.Pumpkinsbrokenallovertheroad.”
Mrs.Pettiferejectedfromherchairinshock.“Egads,thatisindeedterrible!Pumpkins?Areyoucertain?”
“I’msureevenMissGloughenburycanidentifypumpkins,”MissPlimsaid,althoughthecomplimentwassotingedwithdoubtastomakeitclearly,butdeniably,aninsult.
MissGloughenburydeignedtoignorethis.“Iamafraidthenewsgetsworse,Delphine.Aratherformidablelookingpiratechapcouldbeseennearby,talkingto—”
AgainCharlottecoughed.Woolleryrushedacrosstheroomand,thankstoanimbleleap,caughtalargeornamentalwreaththatwaswheelingfromthewalltowardMissGloughenbury’sback.
“Itseemsyoucoulddowithapastille,darling,”theladymurmured.
“Forgiveme,MissGloughenbury,”Charlottereplied.“Won’tyousitdownandhavesometea?Perhapstelluswhereyouboughtthatlovelyhat?”
“Inamoment,dear,afterIhavefinishedsharingmynews.WherewasI?”
“Icannotrecall,”MissPlimsaid,“butIhaveasuggestionastowhereyoumightgo.”
MissGloughenbury’ssmiletightenedtosuchadegreetherewassomedangerofherfacesnappingbackinonitself.NodoubtonthemorrowseveralimpoverishedfactoryworkerswouldhavetheirrentpaidforthemandMissPlimwouldbescramblingtodeviseanevenmorebeneficentcounterassault.
“Apiratewastalkingto…”Mrs.Pettiferprompted.
“Ahyes.Talkingtoapoliceman,canyoubelieveit?Apparentlyabicyclehadbeenstoleninthemiddleofthekerfuffle,andthispiratewasbeinginterviewedasawitness.”
“Washearrested?”Charlotteaskedcasually.
“Onecanonlyhope,darling.ButIhavenotyettoldyouthemostshockinginformationofall!Thatbicycletookflightoverthestreet,asseenbydozensofpeople,andbeingoperatedbynoneotherthan—”
Charlotteclearedherthroat,andimmediatelyWoolleryleapedontoasofabehindMissGloughenbury,armsoutstretched,tocatchaplummetinglightshadebeforeitconnectedforciblywithherhead.
“Really,Woollery,”Mrs.Pettifermurmured.“Thisisnotthetimetobedoinghousework.PleasegoatoncetoinformCookabouttheghastlypumpkinsituation.”
“Yes,madam,”Woollerysaid.CastingasternglanceatCharlotte,hedepartedthedrawingroom.
“AsIwassaying,”theladywenton,“thisaerobaticbicyclewasriddenbynoneotherthanthenotoriouspirateCeciliaBassingthwaite!”
“Really?”Charlottesaidwithastonishment.
“Whyareyousurprised?”MissPlimasked.“Imyselfhavenotheardanythingmorebelievablelately.Thatwomanissoscandalous,eventheWisteriaSocietyfearsher.”
“Iheardshestoleoneoftheirhousesandcrashedit,”Mrs.Pettifersaid
“IheardshetriedtokillthequeenattheJubileeBanquet,”MissGloughenburyadded.
“Well,evenpirateshavetheirgoodmoments,”MissPlimsaid,nudginghersandwichwithafork.“Butsheisstillareprehensiblescoundrel.Charlotte,IhopeyoutakeMissBassingthwaiteasanexampleofwhatnevertobe!”
“Yes,AuntJudith,”Charlottesaid.Returningtotheteatable,shesatdownandsmoothedtheuncreasedtablecloth.“IhaveneverseenMissBassingthwaitebefore.Whatdoesshelooklike?”
“Ibelievesheisaredhead,”MissGloughenburysaid.
“Thatsoundstypicalforapirate,”MissPlimremarked.“Nowitchwouldpossesssuchindecenthair.”
“Charlottehasredhair,”Mrs.Pettiferpointedout.
“Blonde,”MissPlimcorrected.
“Strawberryblonde,”Mrs.Pettiferpersisted.
MissPlimreachedacrossthetabletosnatchthetumbledlockofCharlotte’shairandholditout,causingCharlottetowincedespitesuchafacialexpressionbeinguncouth.
“Blonde.AstheProphesizedOne,Charlotteofcoursehasentirelyproperhair.”
Mrs.Pettiferopenedhermouthtoarguefurther—
“Ahem.”
EveryoneturnedtoseeWoolleryonceagainatthedoor.“Mrs.Chuke,”heannounced.
“Darlings!”
Awomanstrodeintotheroom,herorangesilkbustlenearlyknockingdownWoolleryintheprocess.“Ihavethemostastonishingnews!”
Charlottesighed,pinchingthebridgeofhernose.
“Listentothis!”Mrs.Chukecommandedsoloudly,eventheneighborscouldhavelistenedweretheyathome.“IwasjustinSt.James’sandheardallaboutit!”
Avasebegantoliftfromthemantlepiece,itscargoofflowerstrembling.
“TheBritishMuseumhasopenedanexhibitiononBerylBlack!”
Thevasedroppedbackdownwithaclink.Theassembledladiesmurmuredexcitedlyamongstthemselves.
“Butwait,there’smore!Dearlove!”Mrs.Chukesnappedherfingers,andhermaid,apallidyoungwomanwithplainbrownhairandaplainbrowndress,hurriedthroughthedoorway,tryingtowalkandcurtsyatthesametime.Mrs.Chukesnatchedabrochurefromherhandandshesteppedback,blendinginwiththefurniture.“?‘Foralimitedtimeonly!’?”Mrs.Chukereadaloudfromthebrochure.“?‘VisitnowandseethemysteriousamuletoncebelongingtoBerylBlack!’?”
“Mysteriousamulet?”Mrs.Pettiferechoedwithgratifyingexcitement.
“Itwasonlyrecentlydiscovered,”Mrs.Chukeexplained.“ApparentlyitisetchedwithStrangeMarkingsofanAccidentalNature.”
MissDearlovehurriedforwardagainandwhisperedinhermistress’sear.
“OccidentalNature,”Mrs.Chukesaid.Shewavedthebrochureatthem,butwhenMissGloughenburywenttotakeit,whippeditawaybehindherback.“IdobelievethismaybethependantBerylmadebymeltingdownthebottleinwhichshefoundtheincantation.Itdisappearedthenightsheleftforherretirementinthecountryside.”
MissPlimandMrs.Pettiferexchangedaglance.TheyknewAndromedaPlimhadstolenthatpendantfromBeryl,thenpromptlylostitbybeingsofoolishastoputitinasafeplacewherenoonecouldfindit—including,asitturnedout,her.
“Ifitis,”Mrs.Chukecontinued,“thenthisisatremendousdiscovery.Afterall,theoriginalbottlehadthespellinsideitandthegreatpoweroftheseasurroundingit,wasmolteninfire,andthencooledinasettingofgold.I’vehearditsaidthepowerofthoseforcescombinedwassuchthatapersonwieldingtheamuletcouldpullpiratehousesoutofthesky,uprootforests,evensummonbuildingsfromadistance.”
“It’sjustamyth,”Charlottesaid
“It’sintheBritishMuseum,”Mrs.Chukecountered,flappingthebrochure
Neverbeforehadamomentofsilencesoundedsoloud.
“Imaginebeingabletoweedone’syardwithouteffort,”MissGloughenburysaiddreamily.
“Orbringabanktooneself,”Mrs.Pettifersaidwithasmile.“Grandlarcenyfromtheconvenienceofone’sowndoorstep!”
“ImaginebeingthedownfallofthoserevoltingWisteriaSocietyladies—literally!”MissPlimaddedthroughamouthfulofoystersavory.
Everyonesighed.
“Themuseum’sGrenvilleLibraryhasbeenremodeledforthespecialpurpose,”Mrs.Chukereported,“andextraordinarysecuritymeasuresareinplace.”
Theladieslaughed.EvenWoollerysmirked.
“Well,now.”MissGloughenburytuckedhertaxidermieddogunderherarmsoastomoreeasilystraightenhergloves.“Thishasbeenlovely,darlings,butImustbeonmyway.I’vesuddenlyrecollectedanotherengagementIhavewithmy—er,myhatmaker.”
MissPlimpushedbackherchairandrose.“Itoomustgo.Thankyoufortea,Delphine,butIhaveanurgentdentistappointmentthatquiteslippedmymind.”
Thetwoladiesracedeachothertothedoorasfastasdecorumandheavydresseswouldallow.
“Heavens,isthatthetime?”Mrs.Pettifersaid,althoughtherewasnoclockintheroomforhertohaveconsulted.Sherose,sheddingbiscuitcrumbsfromherflouncedskirt.“Excuseme,Mrs.Chuke,butI—er,Ihavetoseeawomanaboutapumpkin.”
“Notatall,”Mrs.Chukereplied,backingfromtheroomevenasshespoke.“Ionlycalledintosharetheinformation,andnowmusthurryalongmyselfbefore,before…”Sheblinkedatthewindowasifseekinginspiration.“Yes,beforenightfalls.”
Withaswishofskirtsandaclatterofheels,theladiesdeparted,andamomentlatercouldbeseenhasteningalongthestreetbehindMissesGloughenburyandPlimtowardBloomsbury,whereinadditiontotheBritishMuseumtherewasnodoubtadentist,apumpkinsupplier,ahatter,andseveralmorehoursofdaylight.
Charlottesatforamomentinthoughtfulstillness,thenleanedbackinherchair,proppedherfeetuponanotherchair,andselectedacustardtartfromtheteatable.
“Willmadambestayingathomethisafternoon?”Woolleryaskedfromthedoorway.
Theyexchangedalook.Neithersmiled,althoughonlyatthecostofsomeeffort.
“IbelieveImightgooutinashortwhile,”Charlottesaid.
“CanIbringyouanythingforyourpurpose?”
“Yes,please.TellBagshotIneedanewpurse.Andyoumightbringmemyblackembroideredboots,aparasol,threescrewdriversofassortedwidths,andagun.”
“Pistolorrifle,madam?”
“Pistol,please.Ihaveafeelingthingsaregoingtobecomeratherpiratic.”
“Howexciting,madam,”Woollerysaidwithoutintonation.
“Ihopeso,Woollery,forIdearlylovealaugh.”Andtakingasmallbiteofcustardtart,Charlottefrownedpleasantlyintothemiddledistance.
3ALADIES’MAN—THEEFFECTOFMARRIAGEONRESPIRATORYRATES—BEST-LAIDPLANS—THEWITCHISBACK—TWOFOESMEET—ANUNAMUSINGDESTRUCTION—THETOOLSOFWITCHCRAFT
Alexoftenthoughtthattherewasnothingsobadasmeetingwithone’sfriends.Heseemedsoforlornwiththem;especiallylately,whentheywerehappytoanalmostsickeningdegree.Alexdidnotbelieveinhappiness.Hebelievedintemporaryself-delusionandgin.
ButasheenteredtheBritishMuseum,hecaughtsightofNedLightbourneleaningagainstawallonthewestsideoftheentrancehall,lookingbored,andhishearttookhimovertothemanbeforehisfeetevenknewwhattheyweredoing.ThatwashowitwaswithhimandNed—thatinstinctforeachother,despiteeverything.Alexdidn’tlikeit,butapparentlywasdoomedtoanenduringfellowship,abrotherlykindoflove,damnit.
Ashetraversedthehall,hisbootssmackingagainstthepolishedstonefloor,henoticedseveralladieswatchinghim.Theirheadsturnedbeneatheleganthatsastheytrackedhiscalm,powerfulstride.Theirmouthsedgedintoindiscreetsmiles.Heheardseveralwhispersandfelthotgazesslideupanddownhisbody.Onewomanevenbegantoapproach,butAlexveeredaway,havingnotimeforconversationdespiteherprettygoldencurls.(Asamatteroffactshewasamuseumemployee,wantingtoinformhimthatheneededatickettoenter.Butasshedrewnear,itbecamecleartoherhewasapirate,andshewiselydecidednottopursueboththeentryfeeandthescarymanwithapasselofweaponsbeneathhislongblackcoat.)
Alexdidnotmindtheattention.Infact,afteramiserableyouthbeingkickedaround—andsmashedaround,andthrownvariousdistances—helikednowbeinganobjectofdesire.Hewasalwayshappytodancewithalady,ordoagreatdealmore,evenifhermotivewasjusttoscandalizesocietybybeingseeninhiscompany.Hewouldobligeanywhowantedtoplaywithfire.Itwasneverheartfelt—afterall,nooneengagedwithadangerouspirateforthesakeofhispersonality—andyetAlexhadnocomplaints.Womenweredecidedlyenjoyable.
Butagoodrobberywasevenbetter.
Anywomanhecameacrosstodaywouldbenomorethananobstaclebetweenhimandhisgoal,theBlackBerylamulet.AndAlexintendedtoobtainhisgoal.Hecouldnotlose,becausehewouldnotlose.He’dlearnedthehardwaythatattitudewaseverything.
“Howya?”hesaidasheapproachedNed.
Theblondmanglancedupwithanexpressionthatseemedallthemoredeadlybecausehewasattendingtohisfingernailswithaserrateddagger.ButAlexonlygrinnedinresponse.ItwashardtotakeNed’sdeadlylooksseriouslyafterhavingsatthroughhispoetry-ladenramblingsaboutthejoysofloveonthenightbeforehiswedding.AlexhadbeenabletocleanthreegunsandsharpenaswordbeforeNedwasdonerecountingthequalitiesofhisbride.
“Congratulations,”hesaid.“Fourmonthsmarried,andyetyou’restillbreathing.”
“IcanassureyouI’mrenderedbreathlessalotofthetime,”Nedreplied.Hesheathedtheknifecasuallyinapocketofhisembroideredblackcoat.Alexnoticedthathewasdressedpiraticallyintighttrousersandahideouswaistcoat,anditpleasedhimthathisoldestfriendhadn’tbeentransformed,notevenforthebetter,bywedlock.
“Whereisyourwife?”heasked,lookingaroundforthewomanwhohadbecomehisnewestfriend,thusbringingthetotaltotwo.
Nedgesturedvaguelyatadoorwaynearby.“Inthere.”
“IsthattheBlackBerylexhibition?Iassumeshe’sassessinghowtostealtheamulet?”
Nedgaveabrief,facetiouslaugh.“No,she’soglingalltheoldbooks.”
“Andshemadeyoustayhereoutofherway?”Alextriednottosmirk.
“Actually,I’monguardincasesomeonemanagestotaketheamuletandescape.I’llstopthemandrelievethemoftheirburden.”
“Ah,you’reatruepirateforsure,Lightbourne.Alwaysgowiththelaziestplan.”
“Ofcourse.You’reherefortheamulettoo,Iimagine.”
Alexshrugged.“Maybe.”Infacthevowedtoneverrestuntilthatamulet,andthepoweritcontained,belongedtohim.
“Goodluck.Theexhibition’sonlybeenopentwodaysandalreadyatleastathirdoftheWisteriaSocietyarehere,gossiping,tradinggunpowderrecipes,andsizingeachotherupforassassination.TherearealsoseveralotherwomenwhoIassumeareeitherveryenthusiastichistoriansorwitches.”
“Witches,”Alexechoeddourly,andNedraisedaneyebrow.
“Stillholdingagrudgeafteralltheseyears?”
“WhatcanIsay,I’mIrish.Mygrandchildrenwillinheritthatgrudge,andtheirsafterthem.”
“Thenyoumightnotwanttogointotheexhibition,foreveryone’ssake.”
Alexsaidnothinginamanneraspointedasanyofthesevenbladessheathedabouthisperson.Nedlaughed.
“Ihopeyouatleasthaveaquickgetawayplanned.”
“Myhouseisjustdowntheroad.Yours?”
“Themaidhastakenitofftodosomeshopping.It’sfine,Iexpecttobehereforawhile.WoebetideanyonewhodecidestostealtheamuletbeforeCecilia’sfinishedlookingthroughthelibrary.”
Alexwasabouttoreplywhenhesawsomethingoutofthecornerofhiseyethatfrozeeverywordinsidehim.
Thebriefcasethiefhadjustwalkedin.
Shepausedattheentrance,anelegantfigureingray,herhairboundsmoothlybeneaththemerestexcuseofahat.AsAlexwatched,sheremovedapairofdarksunglassesandcoollylookedaroundthehall.Shewasevenmoreattractivethanheremembered—andforthepasttwodayssincetheirencounter,he’ddonealotofremembering.Andrestlesssighing.AndwanderingalongSt.James’sStreetincaseheglimpsedheragain(soastodemandhisbriefcaseback,ofcourse,andnottogazeadmiringlyathersmokyeyesortheslow,promisingcurvesofherbody).Butuponactuallyseeinghernow,heimmediatelyduckedintoNed’sshadow.
Nothiding,notatall;hewasabig,scarypirate.Hejustdidn’tfancybeingnoticedinthismoment.
Thewomanpocketedhersunglassesandbegantostridetowardtheticketcounter.Alex’spulsequickenedasherealizedshewascarryinghisbriefcase.
“You’redrooling,”Nedcommentedwithamusement.
Alexignoredhim.Whatshoesdidsheweartoday?hewondered.Whatterriblethingwouldtheydoifsheemployedthemagainsthim?Andhowcouldhearrangeademonstration?
“You’llwanttobecareful,”Nedsaid.“That’sawitch.”
“Youknowher?”Alexasked,notlookingawayfromthewoman.Shehadcometotheendoftheshortqueueinfrontofthecounterandwaswaitinginmuchthesamewayastickofdynamitewaits.
“Iknowofher.She’sCharlottePettifer,nieceofJudithPlimwholeadstheWickenLeague.”
Alexraisedaneyebrowinsurprise.“Ididn’tknowtheyhadaleader.CanyouimaginesomeonetryingtodothatintheWisteriaSociety?”
Nedsnortedlaughter.“I’veheardwitchesarelessvolatilethanpirates.”
TheybothregardedCharlottePettiferforamoment,thenexchangedawryglance.
“Isuggestyourun,”Nedsaid.
Alexfrowned.“Haveyoueverknownmetorun?However,Imayjustwalkwithalacrityintotheexhibitionroom.Seeyoulater?”
“Ifyousurvive.”
Charlottewasquitecertainthattheperson,beitgentlemanorlady,whohaspatienceforaqueuemustbeintolerablystupid.Andyetitwasalsoconsideredvulgartomoveaheadmorequicklybysmackingone’spurseagainstthoseinfront,soshemerelytappedherfootasshewaitedforagirltoconvincetheticketagentshewasindeedovertheageofeighteenandanyminutenowherfiancéwouldarriveandconfirmthis.
“IamConstantinoplaBrown,”thegirldeclaredinapompoustone.Andwhentheticketagentonlyblinked:“IhavechattedwithHerMajestytheQueeninHerMajesty’sbedroom,andthereforeobviouslycanbetrustedinyoursillylittlemuseum.”
“IhadbreakfastwiththeRussianempressthismorning,”theagentrespondedwithasmirk.“Sheadvisedmenottosellticketstolyingschoolgirls.”
“Nowseehere—!”
“Forheaven’ssake,”Charlottesaid,leaningpastthepersonaheadofhertofrownattheticketagent.“She’sobviouslyeitheranoverindulgedaristocratorapirate.Bothpossibilitiessuggestyoushouldletherinifyouwishtoavoidacommotion.”
“Verywell,”theagentrelentedandgavethegirlaticket.SheexitedthequeuetriumphantlyandwavedtheticketatCharlotte.
“Ioweyou!”
Charlottelookedatherblankly.“Icannotimagineanyinstanceinwhichasixteen-year-oldgirlmightassistme.”
“Oh,butI’monlysixteenchronologicallyspeaking,”thegirlreplied,thentrottedoffonapairofsnazzyyellowshoesthatwereatleastonesizetoosmallforher.Charlottewatchedwithdisapproval.OverthepasttwodaysshehadseenthenumberofpiratesandwitchesvisitingthemuseumincreaseaswordspreadaboutBeryl’samulet.Infact,somehoursitwasimpossibletoactuallyseethedisplayeditemsbeyondalltheruffleddressesandmadlydecoratedhats.Atleasteveryonehadbeenwell-behaved.Thusfar,theonlydamagedonehadbeentoegosasthetwosocietiesengagedinconversationalcombatwhilescoutingtheroomandassessingtheguarded,glass-domedamulet.
Butitwasalsofairtosaythatifmannersgotanysharpersomeonewasgoingtoendupneedingemergencysurgery.
Asshelookedawayfromthegirl,hergazehappenedtomeetthatofapale-hairedgentlemanloiteringbesideabrochurestand.Hewasstaringatherwithanexpressionsoicilyintent,Charlotteshivered.Hisdullsuitandshabbybrownovercoatsuggestedhewasnopirate;whatelsemightexplainthewayhekeptstaring,evenaftershestaredback,
“Fire!Fire!Evacuatethemuseum!Fire!”
Charlotteblinked,herthoughtsscattering.Ayoungmandashedthroughthehall,armsflailingashescreamedhiswarning.Thepatronslookedathimblandly.Thiswasthesixthfalsefirealarmsincetheexhibitionhadopened,andnobodywasfooled.Theyoungmanreachedthefrontdoorswithouteffectand,blushinginembarrassment,turnedaroundandtrudgedbacktotheGrenvilleLibrary.
Inthemeanwhile,thequeuehadmovedforward.Charlotteglancedagaintowardthebrochurestand,butthepale-hairedmanhadvanished.Nodoubthehadjustbeenanordinarycitizen,transfixedbytheeleganceofherhat.Shepurchasedaticketandmadeherwaytowardthelibrary.
Overthepasttwodays,shehadpreparedacunningplantoobtaintheamuletHeramulet.AsBeryl’strueheir,accordingtoWickenprophecy,shewasclearlyalsobeneficiarytoBeryl’spossessions—andwhileoldmapsandpearlnecklacesdidnotinteresther,anamuletwiththepowertobreakmagic,breakbuildings,andsubdueevenAuntJudith,certainlydid.Justthinkingofitalmostbroughtasmiletoherface.Withsuchpower,noonecouldpreventherfromsittinginaquietcornertoreadrulingtheLeagueuncontested.
Soshehadstoodbeforeglasscabinets,gazingatrowsofbookswhilesurreptitiouslylooseningscrewsinthecabinetdoorframes.Shehadlocatedallthelightswitches.Themostsignificantpiratethreat,MissDarlington,wasattendinganurgentconsultationwithherlong-sufferingdoctorafterCharlottedeliveredtoherhouseaboxlabeled“measles.”AndseveralwitcheswhomCharlotteconsideredrivalshadbeenluredacrosstownbyasupposedsaleonrugcleaners(“guaranteedtogetteaandbloodoutofyourcarpets!”).Charlotteneedednocrystalballtoassureherofsuccess.
“Excuseme.”
ShelookeduptoseeahandsomeblondmansmilingathersocharminglyherinnerLizzieBennetswooneddeadaway.InsteadFannyPricearose,tut-tutting.
“CanIhelpyou?”sheaskedplimly(whichwasevenmoresnootishthanprimly).
“Inoticedaladydropherhandkerchief,”hesaid,“butI’munsureifitwouldbepoliteformetoapproachher.Wouldyoubesokindastodosoinstead?”
Charlotteeyedthehandkerchiefheheldout.Itwasadelicate,lace-trimmedthingwithpinkAsiaticliliesembroideredonit,thesortofconfectioncarriedbyaladywhohadnointentionofusingittoactuallycleananything.“Verywell,”shesaid,takingitgingerly.“Whatlady?”
“She’sintheBlackBerylexhibitionnow.Palebluedress,red-goldhairinapureandbrightmythicbraid.WouldyoupleasetellherIthinkshe’sbeautiful?”
“Goodheavens.Can’tyoudothatyourself?”
Heblinkedhislongeyelashescoyly.“I’meversoshy.Doyoumind?”
Charlottehesitated.FannyPriceadvisedhernottothinkwellofthismanwhowasnodoubtsportingwithsomeinnocentwoman’sfeelings.Butanotherpartofherwouldhaveeverybodymarryiftheycould,andwasimprudentenoughtohelpthefellowtowardthatpossibleaim.
“Notatall,”shesaid.
Hetriedtoofferthanks,butshewasalreadyescapingtheconversationbeforehecouldsmileatheragain.
EnteringtheGrenvilleLibrary,Charlottepausedonthethreshold,takingadeepbreathasshetriedtoassimilatethenoiseandvehementcolorsofthecrowdedroom.Almosteverythinginherwantedtoescapetosomequieterlibrarywheretheonlysoundcamefromtheturningofpages,butdeterminedambitionpropelledherforward.Shenoticedhermotherflirtingwithoneofthemuseumguards,andMrs.Chukedirectingherlady’smaidtopickthepocketofasecondguard,andhalfadozenotherfamiliarfacesamongstthosecrowdedaroundwhatwaspresumablytheamuletdisplay.Charlottecouldnotseeitpasttheirvoluminousdresses,butshecouldfeelitsmagictuggingonherwitchyinstincts.
Atlastshelocatedthered-hairedwomaninpaleblue,inspectingabookopenondisplayandpossessingsuchanairofeffortlesspoiseandfemininitythatCharlotteimmediatelybothhatedandfellalittleinlovewithher.Herewasawomanfitforaromanticstory!
AndherewasCharlotte,taskedwithbeingaservantinthatstory.
Swallowingdownanemotionforwhichshehadnoliteraryreference,shestrodeoverandextendedherarm,handkerchiefdanglingfromherfingers.Thewomanturnedtoregardthelacyclothwithwariness,asifitmightbeaweapon,andthenwithgentleconfusion.HergazeflickereduptoCharlotte’sface,andoneeleganteyebrowliftedinaquestion
“Ibegyourpardon,”Charlottesaidbelatedly.“Ibelievethisisyours?”
Lookingagainatthehandkerchief,thewoman’sgrayeyesbegantosoften.“Itisn’tmine,butIdidseesuchaoneinastorewindowthismorningandwasadmiringit.Wheredidyougetit?”
“Agentlemanintheentrancehallsaidhesawyoudropit,andheaskedmetobringittoyou.”Charlottegesturedwiththehandkerchieftowardthedoorwayatthesamemomentthewomanreachedouttotakeit.Anawkwarddanceofhandsfollowed;finally,thewomansmiledandcarefullyremovedthehandkerchieffromCharlotte’sgrip.
“Thankyou.”
“Healsoaskedmetoconveythathefoundyoubeautiful.”
Thewomanlaughed.Ablushsuffusedherlovelyface.“Letmeguess—blondfellow,ridiculoussenseoffashion?”
“Yes.”
“That’smyhusband.He’ssucharogue.”Shetuckedthehandkerchiefintoherbodice,nearherheart.“Inoticedyouhereyesterdayalso.Haveyoucomeupwithaplanforacquiringtheamuletyet?”
Charlotte’seyeswidened.“Areyoucallingmeapirate?”
“Certainlynot.Iwouldneveroffendyouinsuchaway.”
“Thankyou.”
“I,however,amapirate;thereforemycuriosityisprofessional.”
Charlottelookedmorecarefullyatthewoman.Redhair,easyself-assurance,interestingpocketsinherdress.“ByanychanceareyouMissCeciliaBassingthwaite?”
Thewomansmiledagaineffortlessly.“MyhusbandkeepstryingtointroducemeasMrs.Lightbourne,butyes,IamCeciliaBassingthwaite.MayIbegthehonorofyourname?”
“CharlottePettifer.”SheheldoutaglovedhandandCeciliashookit.Forthemerestmoment,theirgripsshiftedinwhatmayhavebeencalled,byuncharitableobservers,awrestlefordominance,althoughthepleasantexpressiononbothfacesdidnotwaver.Astheyloweredtheirhandsagain,theysmiledateachotherwithladylikesweetness.
Gunshavebeencockedlessterrifyingly.
“CharlottePettifer,”Ceciliarepeated.“ThesameCharlottePettiferwhoflewabicycleoverSt.James’searlierthisweek?”
Charlottenarrowedhereyes.“Thatisaprovocativequestion.”
“Icertainlyhopeso,orI’dhavetogiveuppiracyandbecomeareasonablewoman.”
“Areyougoingtoreportme?”
Ceciliagaspedwithwhatappearedtobegenuinehorror.“Egads,no.Wemaybebeyondtheeraofmasswitchtrials,butIamawarethedeathpenaltyremainsforwitchcraft.Itwouldbemostill-manneredofmetosendyoutothegallows.”
“WhileIampleasedindeedtohearthat,Ifeelobligedtomentionyourdutytothecentury-oldfeudbetweentheWisteriaSocietyandtheWickenLeague.Forexample,lookoverthere—Mrs.Chukeisattemptingtomaneuveramarblebustontotheheadofthatpoor,frail,elderlylady.”
“Thatpoor,frail,elderlyladyisBloodhoundBess,”Ceciliasaid.“Iamfairlysureherhatwillbespeciallyconstructedto—andyes,thereyougo.”
BothwomenwincedasthebustbouncedoffBloodhoundBess’slargepurplehatandshatteredagainstawall.ItwasfollowedbyadartthatfailedtoimpaleMrs.Chukeonlybythepromptinterventionofhermaid,MissDearlove,wholeapedinfrontofher,flickingaminiaturemetalparasoloutfromared-handleddevicetoshieldthewoman.
Amuseumemployeedashedover,crying,“No!NotMelpomene!”Hefelltohiskneesbeforethemarbleshards.
“Tragic,”Charlottemurmured.
“Whatwasthattoolyourassociateused?”Ceciliaaskedwithquietbutkeeninterest.
Charlottehesitated,butcouldseenoharmintellingher.“Wecallitourwitcharmybroom,orbesom.Ithasseveralfunctions,althoughweprimarilyuseitasabroom.”
“Forflying?”
“Fortidying.”
Indeed,atthatmomentastiffwomaninanevenstifferblackdressheldoutherownbesomand,withaflickofherwrist,causedathinbroomtoappearfromitsinterior.Shemarchedoverandbegansweepingtheshardsofthemarblebustwithsuchvigor,theemployeescuttledfearfullyaside.Ashewatchedherwork,anotherwitchslippedbehindhimand,whisperingtheincantation,directedhiswallettofloatfromhisjacketpocketintohers.
“Teamwork.Howfascinating,”Ceciliamurmured,asifshehadjustwitnessedfairiesdancingthroughthechamber.“Whatashamethat,duetothefeud,itwouldbemoretroublethanit’sworthtoinviteyoutoafternoontea.OtherwiseI’dcertainlybeeagertohaveaconversationwithyouaboutthatdevice,theelevationofbicycles,andotherinterestingtopics.”
“Alas,ImyselfamfatedtobethenextleaderoftheWickenLeague,”Charlottereplied.“ThereforeIoughtnotbetalkingtoyouevennow.OtherwiseI’daskyouropinionofErasmus’sThePraiseofFolly,whichyouhavebeenperusing.ButI’mafraidI’mrequiredtodespiseyou.AndasIseemyAuntPlimnearby,Imustbidyougood—”
Shestopped,herheartthuddingassherealizedMissPlimwasinconversationwithacertaintall,dark-hairedgentlemanwhosebriefcaseshecurrentlyheldinherhand.Evenasshestaredatthem,MissPlim’smouthpuckeredwithdisapprovalatsomethingCaptainO’Rileytoldher.ShelookedpasthimtoCharlotte,andherbrowfurrowedaboveherlittleroundspectacles.
“Ohdear,”Ceciliamurmured.“Iperceiveyoumaybeintrouble.”
“Notatall,”Charlotterepliedwithaperfectlycalmfacade.“Thatismyaunt’sregularexpressionofpleasure.”
“AndthatisAlexO’Rileyshe’stalkingto.JustasIknowyouwereonthatbicycleyesterday,Ialsoknowhewasthereasonwhy.”
“MissBassingthwaite,Imustventuretosayyouarefartoocleverforanyoneelse’sgood.”
“Yes,”Ceciliarepliedcomplacently.“SoIhavebeentoldbefore.Inthiscase,itismerelythatmyhousemaidhappenedtowitnessthescene.ButIdounderstandaboutaunts.AndIknowAlex.He’snotmalicious,butheis—well,aman.Goodnessknowstheycannotberelieduponforrationalbehavior.”
“Thatistrue.”Charlottehesitated,bitingherlip.“IthinkI’dbetter…”
“RunawaytoAmerica?”Ceciliasuggested.
MissPlimliftedtwofingersandflickedthembrusquely,summoningCharlottetoherside.
“Unfortunately,”Charlottesaidwithasigh,“Idoubtitwouldbefarawayenough.”
Andtighteninghergriponthebriefcase,shewenttofaceherfate.
4OURHEROINEISHANDSOME,CLEVER,ANDRICH—HOWEVER,SOTOOISOURHERO—FIRE!—MR.DARCYISNOTDISTURBING—CHARLOTTEFLEES—NOTEXACTLYPEMBERLEY—THEMYSTERYOFMALEANATOMY—SOMETHINGINTHEAIR
CharlottePettiferhadlivedtwenty-oneyearsintheworldwithagreatdealtodistressandvexher,butAlexO’Rileywastheworstofall.Howvileofthemantomaketroublesimplybecausesheabscondedwithhisbriefcase…andcausedhimtobeassaulted…and,um,assaultedhimherself.Nodoubthethoughthecouldgetawaywithsuchbehaviorbecausehewasamalewithabigsword,severalknives,anddark-rimmedblueeyesthatcouldonlybedescribedasbeauti—
Charlottepressedherlipstogetherinanefforttostopherselffromgaspingatherowntrainofthought.ShecouldnotaffordtoletCaptainO’Rileyrattleheragain,especiallynotinsightoftwodozenwitchesandpirates,primaryamongstwhomwasherAuntJudith.GettingrattledinfrontofAuntJudithwouldleadtoDisappointment.AndeveryinstinctinCharlotte’sbodyhadbeentrainedatanelitelevelagainstDisappointingAuntJudith.
Besides,Charlottewasbetterthanhim.Smarter,asevidencedbythebriefcaseinherpossession.Tidierindressandmind.Hewasnotevenwearingatietoday!Why,shecouldseepartofhischestthroughtheopenupperbuttonsofhisshirt…couldglimpsedarkinkthereon…
Goodness,butelectricallightingmadearoomhot!
Charlottestraightenedhershoulders,liftedherchin,andmarcheduptoAlexO’Riley(and,er,MissPlim).
“Hello,Aunt,”shesaidinatonethatcommunicatednointerestwhatsoeverinthepirate’sconversation—orthepiratehimself,forthatmatter.
Outofthecornerofhereye,shesawhimsmirk.
“Hello,Charlotte,”MissPlimsaid.HersyllablestappedlikeasharpfingernailagainstCharlotte’scomposure.“CaptainO’Rileyhasjustbeentellingmethemostinterestingtaleaboutyou.”
“Youshouldn’tlistentohim,Aunt.He’sapirate.”
“Nonsense,dear.Iwouldnotbecaughtdeadtalkingtoapirate.”
“ButAunt,haveyounotnoticedhisearring?Boots?Theextensivecollectionofweaponryabouthisperson?”
MissPlimsniffed.“Aladydoesnotlookataman’sperson,Charlotte.Besides,ifheisapirate,whichIdoubt,I’msurehecan’thelpit.”
Charlotte’seyesslippedmomentarilyoutoffocusasshetriedtoprocessthis.PerhapsMissPlimequatedpiracytoanunfortunateinfectiousdisease?Charlottecouldcertainlyagreewithherthere.“Inanycase,whateverhetoldyouisalie.”
“Isee.”MissPlimglancedatAlex.Heshrugged,andCharlotteknewifshelookeduponhisfaceshewouldfindacrookedsmilethere.Justaswellshehadnointentionoflooking.Shewouldratherperishthandoso!
HeflashedhiscrookedsmilebackatherandCharlotteturnedquicklyaway,furiousthathereyeshadsothoroughlyignoredherbrain.
“So,”MissPlimsaid,“tobeclear:atSt.James’stheotherday,youdidnotsaveateashopwaiterfromcruelverbalabuse,thusearningtheadmirationofthis—thisgentlemanofundeterminedoccupation,aswellastheprideofyourentirefamily?”
“Er…”Charlotteblinked,bemused.“Well,perhapsImighthavedonethat.”
MissPlimstretchedherlipsintowhatmighthavebeencalledasmilebysomeonewithoutthebenefitofwitorathesaurus.“Youarebeingmodest,dear.”
“Youknowme,Aunt,”Charlottesaidwithabrisknod.“Idon’tliketodrawattentiontomyself.”
Alexdidnotlaugh,butCharlottesensedhowcarefullyhewasnotdoingso,andshescowledagain.Arrogantcreature!(Thecaptain,thatis—certainlynotCharlotte,ofcourse.)Wordstumbledinawhisperfromhertonguebeforeshecouldstopthem.AmomentlaterBeryl’sgoldspyglassleapedoffawalldisplayandflungitselfacrosstheroomtowardAlex’shead.
Hecaughtitwithoutlooking.
“Icommendyourhumility,”MissPlimsaid,notnoticingtheinclusionofweaponryintotheirconversation.
“Thankyou,Aunt,”Charlottereplied,surprisedbysuchapositiveremark.
“Indeed,”Alexmurmured.“MissPettiferseemslikeanexceedinglyhumblegirl.”
Charlottecountedatleastthreedifferentinsultsinthatsinglecompliment.Thechurl!Shepressedthetoeofherelegant,embroideredbootagainsthismuchrougherone,andhadthepleasureofnoticinghisbodystiffenwithwhatwasundoubtedlyfear.
“Nevertheless,”AuntPlimcontinued,“itwasgraciousofthecaptaintotellmeaboutit,andawell-behavedladywouldbegraciousaboutsuchgraciousnessinreturn.”
“Andnotaccusethemofbeingapirate,”Alexadded.
MissPlimnodded.“Exactly.”
“Butyouareapirate,”Charlottepointedout.
“Thatisnocausetoaccusehimofit,”MissPlimsaid.
Charlottetookadeep,calmingbreath.“Thankyouforcorrectingme,Aunt.Bytheway,didyouknowabouttheneworphanageopeningtodayon”—shepulledanamerandomlyfromherimagination—“KnightleyStreet?”
“Neworphanage?”IfMissPlim’searscouldhaveprickedup,theywouldhave.Herknotofhairdidseemtospringmoreerect.
“Indeed,itissonewtheyhavenobenefactorsyet,andIhearthechildrenarequitestarvedandcold.”
MissPlimsnappedherheadaroundtostareatMissGloughenbury,whowasstandingbesidetheamuletdisplay,clutchinghervelvet-claddogandtryingtoconvincetheguardshewasareputableantiquesdealerandmerelywantedtoinspectthegoldmarkonthepiece,afterwhichshewouldgiveitback,ofcourse,absolutely.
“Doesanyoneelseknowaboutthisorphanage?”MissPlimaskedoffhandedly.
“Noone,”Charlottesaid.
MissPlimsteppedback,gatheringupherstiffgrayskirts.“Goodheavens,lookatthetime,”shesaid,notevenpretendingtoseekoutaclock.“Iamgoingtobelateformydentalappointment.”
“Ohdear.”Charlottegesturedtowardtheexit.“Youhadbetterdash!”
NosoonerhadshethusadvisedthanMissPlimwashasteningacrossthegallery,keepinganeyeonMissGloughenburyasshewent.
“Thatwomanismoreruthlessthananunwho’sjustseenastudentwithdirtyfingernails,”AlexO’Rileymuttered.
Charlottealmostnoddedinagreement,butcaughtherselfintime.Sheturnedtoglareathim.“Idon’tknowwhatyouareplayingat—”
“Playingat?”heechoed,hisvoiceallinnocencedespitethedarknessinhiseyes.Heidlyflippedthespyglassaroundhishandashelookedather.
“—butIcanassureyouIamnotdiscomposed.”
Thespyglasswentstill.Hismouthslidintoasmilethatwouldhavemadealesserwomanblush.“AndIcanassureyou,MissPettifer,thatifatsomepointIdochoosetoplaywithyou,you’llendupthankingmeprofuselyforhowdiscomposedImakeyoufeel.”
Charlottegasped.Shedidnotactuallyknowwhathemeant,butthesuggestioninhissultryeyeswasenoughtowarrantasignificantinhalationofbreath.“AndIcanassureyou,sir,thatIamnotheretoplay.Iamhereonbusiness.AndthenextthingIthrowatyourheadwillnotbeblunt.”
“Youarereassuring,”hesaid.
Towhichtheonlyreasonablereplywastostomponhisfoot.
Unfortunately,hemoveditawayamomentbeforeimpact,andherbootcamedownhardonpolishedstone.Charlottewincedasametaldartintheboot’ssolecrumpled,pressingbackagainstherownfoot.Onlyexcellentcraftsmanship,thickleather,andadurablesilkstockingsavedherfromcollapsingwithaninconvenientparalysis.
“Ohdear,”thepiratesaidlanguidly.“Itlookslikeyouareinsomedisc—”Hesmiled.“—omfort.Allowmetolightenyourburdenbytakingthatbriefcasefromyou.”
Shesnatcheditbehindherback.Insideweredocumentsvitaltoherplanforgettingtheamulet.“Never!Andfurthermore—”
“Fire!Fire!”
Thefranticcallechoedthroughtheexhibitionroom.Charlottesighed.Alexrolledhiseyes.
“You’dthinkpeoplemighttrytobemoreoriginal,”hesaid.
“Oratleastlearnfaster,”Charlotteadded.
Theyglancedateachother,realizingtheyhadinadvertentlystumbledintoagreement.Luckily,atthatmomentaflameleapedfromanearbywoodenmodeldisplayingBerylBlack’sweddinggown.
“Fire!”severalladiesscreamed,rushingbackinhorror.
“Fire!”theguardsshouted.
Thereensuedageneraltrampling,pushing,writhing,andwailing,asthecrowdattemptedtoconvergeupontheamulet.Aguardpulledahithertounnoticedleverinthedisplayplinth,andasapanelintheflooropened,theplinthsankimmediatelyfromsight.Piratesandwitchesstumbledoveremptygroundtocollideinatangleoffury,weaponry,andpreposteroushats.
Charlotteshruggedhermouthinreluctantadmirationofthissecuritymeasure.ButseeingthesameexpressiononAlex’sface,shehastilyscowledinstead.Angerflaring,sheturnedonherheelandsnappedwordsattheburningdress.Itobedientlytippedtothefloor.
Charlottetookherbesomfromapocketandpushedtheminusculebuttononitshandle.Theextendiblebroomshotout.Walkingcalmlyovertotheburningheapofsatin,shebegantobeatitwiththebroom,albeitone-handedly,herotherinfirmpossessionofthebriefcase.Toheraggravation,Alexjoinedin,pullingBeryl’sblackflagfromawallandapplyingittotheflames.Withinmoments,theyhadthefireout.
“Hm,”Charlottesaidbrusquely,inlieuofthankingthegentlemanforhisassistance.
“Hm,”herepliedinanequallyabrupttone,tossingtheflagontothecharreddress.
“Everyoneout!”shoutedthemuseumguard.
Withoutlookingateachother,theyfollowedthecrowdoutoftheexhibitionroom.Itsdoorslammedshutbehindthem.
TherestofthedaywasspentinconjecturinghowsoonthePettiferladieswouldreturntothemuseum,anddeterminingwhomtheyshouldinvitetodinnerwhentheyhadtheamuletintheirpossession.Atleast,Mrs.Pettiferwasthusoccupied.Charlotte,sittingverystraightandveryquietonthesofa,readPrideandPrejudiceandmurmuredagreementeverynowandagain.Shewasnotgoingthroughthebookpage-by-pagebutskippingtoherfavoritescenes,seekingmentalbalmsothememoriesofthedaytroubledherless.Mr.Darcy—now,therewasamanworththinkingabout!Dignified,tidy,well-shaven,justexactlythesortCharlotteliked.Hewouldnotthreatentokissalady,norsmileatherinawaythatmadeherratherwishhewould…
“Heavens,whatisitdear?”Mrs.PettiferaskedasCharlottejoltedupfromthesofa.“SurelyyouapproveofMrs.Clayboothasaguest?It’shardlyherfaultshemarriedabutcher.”
“Ibegyourpardon,Mama,”Charlottemurmured,sittingagainandsmoothingherskirts.“IthoughtIsawamouse,butitwasjustashadow.”
AquarterofanhourfollowedinassuringMrs.Pettifernorodentofanykindexistedinthesittingroom,afterwhichthegoodladysettledagaintoherplanning.ButthenMr.Pettifer,consultedasheadofthehousehold,declaredthereshouldbenodinneratall.Abusyman,hehadnointerestinwitchcraftandevenlessinentertainingwitches.Charlotte).Hewouldabsolutelynothavewitchestodine!
Byevening,fourteennameswereontheinvitationlist.
“Whataboutthathandsomefellowyouwerechattingwithatthemuseum?”Mrs.PettiferaskedCharlotteinthekindofmildtonethatsetsoffalarmsinadaughter’shead.
CharlottelookedupwarilyfromMr.Darcy’ssecondproposalscene.“Whatabouthim?”sheasked.
“Heseemedniceenough.Weshouldinvitehim.”
“Heisapirate,Mama.”
Mrs.Pettiferwavedthisconcernaway.“I’msurehejustneedsawoman’sinfluencetohelphimsettledownandtakeaproperjob,perhapsasanartistoraslightlymelancholypoet.Andmyrunestonespredictedjustthismorningthatyouwouldmeetaneligiblegentleman,Lottiedear.”
Charlottewouldhaverolledhereyesweretheynotwidenedinhorror.Overher(oratleastsomeone’s)deadbodywouldthatdiabolicalmansetfootinPettiferHouse!
“Idonotthinkso,Mama,”shemurmured,andattemptedherbookonceagain
ButMrs.Pettiferpossessedthedeterminationofamotherwhosedaughterwasnotsomuchonthevergeofoldmaidenhoodasabouttotumblerightoffitintoaspacedevoidoffuturegrandbabies.“Ourotherguestswouldbemostentertainedbyhislooks—Imean,hisbooks—Imean,heseemedaneducatedman,judgingbyhis—er—broadshoulders.Hemusthavecarriedmanyencyclopediasovertheyearstomakehimsomuscled.Youyourselflikereadingandthinking.Surelyyouwouldenjoyhavingaconversationwithhim?”
Charlottefrownedsidelongathermother,notlikingthewayshe’dsaidthewordconversation
“Mr.Pettifer,don’tyouagree?”Mrs.Pettifercalledacrossthesittingroomtoherhusband.“Atête-à-têteortwowithaneruditegentlemanisjustwhatourCharlotteneeds?”
Mr.Pettifersnappedhisnewspaperasaremindertohiswifethathewasactuallytryingtoreadthething.“Charlotteisoldenoughtomakeherowndecisions,”hesaid.(Andsinceherdowrywasinanaccountearninghimgoodinterest,hedidnotmindifsheneverspokewithgentlemen,regardlessoftheireducation.)
“Iamentirelycontent,Mama,”Charlotteinsisted.
“Whatyouareisshyandtenderhearted,”Mrs.Pettiferreplied,ignoringthefiercescowlCharlottewasgivingher.“Youneedtotakeafewrisks,startanewcycleinlife,reachforthesky…Ohdear,Lottie,shallIbringyouadrinkofwater?”
“No,no,”Charlottesaidwhenshewasabletobreatheagain.“However,Imightjustgoforastrolltogetsomefreshair.”
Donningsunglassesagainstthemellowautumnallight,shefledthehouse.Butclamoringpedestriansandtheclatterofhorse-drawncarriagesalongthestreetonlyservedtoirritatehernervesfurther.Soonshefoundherselflongingtorun—andrun—andnotstopuntilshewasinthecountryside,whereJaneAustenassuredheronedaywasexactlylikeanother,andnoblue-eyedpirateswithprodigiouslylongswordscouldbefound.
AtthisreminderofCaptainO’Riley,astrangeelectricalsensationleapedinherstomach(oratleastazoneofherbodyonemustdiscreetlyrefertoasthestomach).Shemutteredwithoutthinking,andamanwalkingpastfoundhimselfsuddenlyjumpingtocatchhishat,whichhadshotoffhisheadasifpropelledbyasmallandhighlytargetedtornado.
Lifehadbeensopeacefulbeforethatbothersomepiratebargedhiswayintoit!Soroutine.Soexceedinglytedious—no,wait,tranquilwasthewordshemeant.AndnowhereshewasstridingthroughSohoatanhourusuallyreservedforattendingtoherblackmailcorrespondence.CharlottevowedthatassoonasshehadpossessionoftheamuletshewouldbuyatrainticketforHertfordshire.Ifadventureswouldbefallayoungladyinherowncity,shemustescapethemabroad!
Havingreachedthispleasantdecision,sheliftedherchintofacethefuturewithbetterspirit—andpromptlyloweredhereyebrowsinafrown.She’dunconsciouslywalkedbacktotheBritishMuseum,whereanoddsightconfrontedher.Severalhouseswereclutteringthefootpath—forpiratesdidnotliketowalkiftheycouldfly,andsettheirhousesdownatmaximuminconveniencetoeveryoneelse,andthencomplainaboutreceivingaparkingticket—butamongsttheelegantabodesanoldcottagesquatted.Charlotteremovedhersunglassestostareatit.
Whereastheotherswerepirates’houses,thiswasapiratichouse.Itsstoneslookedliketheyhadbeendraggedoutofamarshlandandscrapedofold,murkyghostsbeforebeingcobbledtogetherintowallsandchimneys.Mossstubbleditssteepslateroofandgrewbetweenmanyofthestones.Thiswasabuildingthatreallyneededtotaketwoaspirinandhaveagoodnight’ssleep.Charlottewantednothingmorethantogiveitascrubdownandhangcurtainsinthebare,white-framedwindows.ButscorchmarksacrossthefrontandabrokenchimneysuggestedthehousehadfacedworsethanPlimmishdisapprovalandhadrespondedtoitwithferocity.Altogetheritbroughttomindanancientraptor(forexample,afalconofmillennialage),andCharlotteshudderedagainassherecollectedthepopularnotionthatapirate’shousereflectedtheircharacter.Whatkindofloutishwomanlivedhere?
Justthen,movementinawindowcaughthereye.Someonewasstandingbehindthemullionedglass,buttoningtheirshirt.Aglimpseofnakedchest,ridgedwithmusclesandmarkedwithaswoopofblackink,madeCharlottecatchherbreath.Althoughshecouldn’tseeaface,sheknewinstinctivelythiswasAlexO’Riley.Theknowledgeseemedtosingthroughherbloodandnerves,causingmoreofthoseelectricalsensationsthatmadeherwishtotakeanurgentholidaytoRosingsPark.Sheavertedhereyes.
Hefinishedbuttoningtheshirtandproceededtotuckitintohistrousers.Charlotterealizedhereyeshadonceagaindisobeyedadirectorder,andsheclosedthemfirmly.Buthervisionfoughtback,flashinganafterimageofbareskininthedarknessbehindhereyelids
Shehadneverseensuchathingbefore,exceptincoldmarble.Yearsago,she’dconsultedthenaturalsciencebooksinPettiferHouselibrary,onlytodiscovercertainpageshadbeentornout.Itdidnotseemdignifiedtopursuethematterthroughapubliclibrary;besides,classicalstatuesprovidedenoughinformationtoconvincehermen’sphysicalspecificitieswereallastorminateacup.
Why,therefore,herpulseshouldberacingnow,andinplaceswhereone’sheartwasnotlocated,shecouldnotunderstand.
Suddenlythemanpausedinhisshirt-tucking.Hebeganraisinghishead,andaslongblackeyelashesandacrookedsmilewereslowlyrevealed,Charlotteunderstoodthathewasawareofbeingwatched,andthatanysecondnowhewasgoingtoseeher.
Thesmilecurved,andsherealizedhealreadyhadseenher.
Despitetheseverallayersofherclothing,shefeltnakedrightdowntoherhot-blushingsoul.Turningabruptly,shemarchedhome,intentupontakingupacopyofMansfieldParkandsubmittingherselftoasterntalking-tofromFannyPrice.
Sofocusedwassheonthiscoursethatshefailedtonoticethepale-hairedgentlemanfollowingherfromadistance,hisnosemakingsharplittlenoisesashesniffedtheairinherwake.
5IMPERSONATIONOFTHEENEMY—AMARRIAGEOFINCONVENIENCE—MR.&MRS.SMITH—ACULINARYDISAGREEMENT—DIVORCE—THEAMULETISSTOLEN—ALL’SUNFAIRINTHEFT&WAR—THEAMULETISSTOLENAGAIN—ANOLDENEMYRETURNS
Theseason,thescene,theairofthefollowingmorningwereallunfavorabletotendernessandsentiment.Charlottefrownedirritablyasshemarchedyetagaintowardthemuseum.MissPlimhadconscriptedMrs.PettifertohelpherfindtheKnightleyStreetOrphanagebymeansofwalking,consultingmaps,orhittingCityPlanningDepartmentemployeesaroundtheheadwithaparasol,sodeterminedwasshetotracktheorphansdownandbloodywellfeedthembeforethatGloughenburywomancould.ResponsibilityforstealingtheamulethadbeenleftinCharlotte’sprophesizedhands.Thebreakfasttealeaveshadpromisedsuccess,andCharlotteherselfwasdeterminedtogetthejobdone.Shehadherbriefcaseofdocuments,hermentalscriptofconversations,andherexitplanallinorder.Nopirateshenaniganswouldstophertoday.
Asshewalked,imaginingthepeacefulHertfordshiremeadowinwhichshewouldsoonbesittingwhileadmiringheramulet(albeitonastraight-backedchair,withaparasoloverheadtoprotectherfromthefreshair)sherubbedathersleeve,breastbone,hip.She’dappliedtalcumthismorning,andafewdropsoflilacperfumetakenfromhermother’sdressingtable.CeciliaBassingthwaitehadsmelledoftalcumandlilac.Presumably,however,CeciliaBassingthwaitehadgrownusedtotherashcausedbythem.
Andpresumablyshedidnotmindtheaggravationofonegentlecurltumblingdownherbareneck,whereasonCharlotteitwasquitepossiblygoingtocauseinsanity.
Furthermore,ifCeciliaBassingthwaitehadsomestrategyfortoleratingalace-trimmedbodice,CeciliaBassingthwaiteoughttobemorallyboundtoinformotherwomenofitbeforetheydecidedtowearadelicate,lacy,damnedscratchy,whitedressonthemorningofanimportantrobbery.
Thusdreaminganditching,Charlotteenteredthemuseum.
TheBerylBlackdisplayhadreopeneddespiteariskoffire(andtheft,damagedbooks,brokenstatues,emotionaltrauma)andCharlottehadn’tbeentheonlyonewiththeideatoarriveearly.AtleastadozenwitchesmingleduncomfortablywithadozenpiratesinascenethatlookedlikesomethingonanAfricansavannah,onlywithlaceandpolitesmilesinsteadoffurandfangedteeth.
Charlottepausedtoevaluatematters.ShesawhercousinEugeniaCuttle-PlimrisklifeandlimbtopluckastraythreadfromthesleeveofpiratemavenMrs.Rotunder.AnotherpiratewasstraighteningMrs.Chuke’sgoldenbeebroochinanactequivalenttotheunsheathingofclaws.Guns,swords,andhatpinsflashedintheelectriclight.Onewrongmoveandtwenty-fourlionesseswerereadytospringintoaction—andconsideringtheonlyantelopeswereafewmuseumstafftremblingattheedgesofthecrowd,chaoswassuretoensue.
CharlottesmiledtoherselfinamannerthatcausedBloodhoundBess,noticingit,toshudderandhurryawaytothefarsideofthegallery.
Spyingtheexhibition’scurator,Charlottebegantomakeherwaytowardhim.Shepassedtwowitchesdebatingthecorrectetiquetteforstealingrubiesfromabaroness—beforeorafterdinner?—andawizened,white-hairedpiratestealingpearlsfromthemboth.
ShepassedCeciliaBassingthwaite,wearingaplaindressthatlookedextremelycomfortable,andwhisperingtoherhusband,whowasstrokingherbackashelistenedtoeveryword.
SheaccidentallymurmuredtheincantationandsentabustofEratoflyingacrosstheroom,whereitlandedinacradleoncebelongingtoBerylBlack—whicheitherforeshadowedalovelyfutureforMissBassingthwaiteandherhusband,orwasjustsheerchance.
Andforoneawful,heart-stoppingmomentshethoughtshesawLadyArmitage,themaddestandmostdangerousofallpirates.ButitwasonlyataxidermiedcassowarybirdthathadbeenincludedintheexhibitionbecauseBeryloncewrestledonetodeathwithherbarehands(orpossiblyshotitfromadistancewithaWinchesterrifle,dependingonwhetheryoulikedyourstoriesinterestingortrue).
Thecuratorwasatthefarendoftheroom,fussingwithanotherofBeryl’sweddingdresses,whichhadreplacedthedestroyedone.Charlottefoundherselfwonderingifhehadanabdomenrippledwithmuscleandsearedwithtattoosbeneathhisbrowntweedsuit,butthewayhegulpedasshearrivedbeforehimwassounappealing,shefeltnodesiretoundresshimandfindout.Whichonlyprovedthegeneralwisdomthatwhatcountsinamanisthequalityofhischaracter,nottheswellingofstrengthbeneathhissleeves,northewarmcolorofskinthatpromisestotastelikesaltonawoman’stongueasshe—
“Hello!”Hersudden,briskgreetingcausedthecuratortonearlyleapoutofhisprobably-not-tattooedskin.“Don’tbealarmed,”shetoldhim.“Iamnotapirate;Iamanarchaeologist.”
Hepeeredatherwitheyesred-veinedfromconstantwariness.“What,anotherone?I’vespokentothreearchaeologistsandahistorianinthepasttwodays.”
“Juniorcolleaguesofmine,”Charlottesaid,dismissingthemwithaflapofthehand.
“Really?BothMr.JonesandMr.BrownclaimedtobeheadoftheArchaeologicalSociety.Mr.Jones-Jonesonwasolderthanmygrandfather.AndMr.UmblackhadadocumenttoshowheranthearchaeologicaldepartmentatOxfordUniversity(althoughIwassuspicious,asthereappearedtobeashoppinglistjottedonthebackofit).Mr.Umblackalsosmelledoffloralperfumeandhadasubstantialbosom,butIamnotonetojudge.Allwantedtoinspecttheamuletandall,regardlessoftheircredentials,wererefusedpermission.”
Charlottepausedamomenttoconsiderthis.Thenshesmiled.“DidyouthinkIsaid‘archaeologist’?Ohdear,excuseme,Isaid‘architect.’Yes.MynameisAnneSmith.Youwillofcoursehaveheardofme;IwasrecentlyawardedArchitectoftheYearbythe,um,ArchitectionSociety.”
Sheheldoutherhandandthemanshookitweakly.Charlottestrovenottogrimaceortowipeherhandagainstherskirt.“Ihavenointerestinanyamulet,”shesaid.“I’vecometointerviewyouaboutthedesignofthisexhibitionforaspecialpapertobepresentedatournextconvention.Whatisyourname,please,soIcanquoteyouinmyspeech?”
Afrownbegantowitherhisexpression.“You’reactuallyanarchitect?”
“Yes.”
“Afemalearchitect.”
“Yes.”
“Oh.”Clearlyinstincturgedhimtoargueagainstthepossibilityofthis,buthisbrainwasswayedbyCharlotte’sunassailableconfidence.“Howdoyoudo,miss?”
“Doctor,”shecorrected.
“Adoctorofarchitecture?”
“Justso.Yearsofeducation,mostedifying.Allowmetoshowyoumycredentials.Theremightbeasmallmisspellinginvolved—itseemsarchitectandarchaeologistareoftenconfused,haha,butpayitnomind.”
“Haha,”thecuratorsaidtentatively,quiteoverwhelmed.Charlottegaugedhewouldbeeasytomanipulateandallowedherselfasmallmomentofhappiness,foreverythingwasgoingexactlytoplan.Well,almostexactly.Itshouldbesimpleenoughtofakeamasteryofarchitection,andinjustafewminutesshe’dbewalkingoutofthemuseumwithBeryl’samuletinherpossessionandherplaceofsuperiorityinthemagicalcommunityassured.Takethat,MissBelovedCeciliaElegantBassingthwaite.
Proppingthebriefcaseagainstherhip,shereachedforitslatch.
“Hello,mydarling,”saidadeepmalevoice.Ahandcoveredherown.
Andjustlikethat,everythingwentverywrongindeed.
CharlottelifteduphereyesinamazementatAlexO’Riley,butwasnottoomuchoppressedtomakeanyreply.“Howdareyou,sir!”
Hesmiledpleasantlyinreturn.“Andyoutooaredear,mysweet.”
“Ah,nowitmakessense,”saidthecurator,sighinginreliefashisworldrealigneditselfproperly.“DoctorSmith,Ipresume?”HenoddedtoAlex.“WhichmakesthelittleladyMrs.Doctor.”
“Little—!”Charlottetriedtotakeacalmingbreath,butitwasnoteasywithclenchedteeth.“IamMissDoctorSmith,”shesaid.AndshepulledherhandoutfrombeneathAlex’s,causingafrictionthatsparkedacrossherskin.Hecaughtholdofthebriefcasehandleinstead.
“Letgo,”shedemanded.
“Never,”hereplied.
Theystruggledforpossessionofthebriefcaseasthecuratorwatchednervously.Thiswasnothowheexpecteddoctorsorarchitectstobehave(althoughhehadtoadmititdidresemblehisownmarriedlife).
“I’mconfused,”hesaid.“JustwhohereisDoctorSmith?”
“Iam,”Alexsaidfirmly.“DoIlooklikeI’dlietoyou?”
Thecuratorconsidered.Themasculinityalonesuggesteddoctorship,butthelackofatie,nottomentionthecollectionofterrifyingweapons,castsomedoubtonthematter.Hegulped,hisAdam’sapplebobbingasifitfearedsomeonemightbiteit.
“DoctorJohnSmith,atyourservice,”Alexinsisted.“Thisladyismywife.”
Hehadspokennormally,butasuddengaspwentthroughthegalleryasifhehadshouted.Charlottelookedaroundtoseeeveryonestaring.
“Knife!”shetoldthem.“Hesaid‘knife,’not‘wife’!”
Thepiratesandwitchesglancedateachother,unitedinthismomentunderthethrillofapossiblescandal.“Butdear,”saidapuff-hairedlittlegrandmotherwithadragontattooupherarm,“howcanyoubehisknife?Surelyabladeisagentlemanlymetaphor?”
Severalpeoplesnickered.Worse,CeciliaBassingthwaitecringedsympathetically.Charlottefeltherstomachclenchwithshame.OnlythefacthermotherandMissPlimwerenotpresentkeptherfromspontaneouslycombusting.
AndthenAlexwinkedather,asifthesituationwereamusing,nothorrifying,notappallinglymessy,andnotsuretofeedgossipalloverLondonforweeks.Suddenly,andforthesecondtimesinceknowinghim,Charlottelosthertemperanddidsomethingfoolish.
“MissGloughenbury,”shecalledoutinacharminglypleasantvoice.“Didn’tyoutellmetheotherdaythatMrs.Rotunderputscreambeforejamonherscones?”
Anothergaspshookthecompany.Charlotte’smaritalstatuswaspromptlyforgottenashalfoftheladiesturnedtowardMissGloughenburyinshockatawitchhavingknowledgeofapirate’sculinaryhabit,andtheotherhalftowardMrs.Rotunderforthesinofthathabit.Someonedrewtheirsword.
“Clever,”Alexmurmured.
Charlotteignoredhim.Shewasgoingtogetherplanbackoncourseifitkilled—well,nother,butsomeone.PreferablyanIrishsomeonewithdarkhairandanunscrupuloussenseofhumor.Turningtothecurator,sheliftedherchinimperiously.
“Irequireyoutoignorethisman,sir.He’slying,heisnotmyhusband;heisapirate.”
“Aeronauticalentrepreneur,”Alexcorrected.
TherecamethesoundofmetalclashingagainstmetalasMrs.Rotunderandherfriendswerecalledupontodefendherscone-spreadingetiquette,butneitherCharlottenorAlexnoticed,caughtupastheywereinaprivatewaroftheirown.
“Mylove,youaregettingoverwrought,”Alexsaid.“See,thereisaflushonyourface.”HestrokedthebackofonefingeracrossCharlotte’scheek,andindoingsoturnedhislieintoreality.“Youneedtocomehomeforanicecupoftea.”
Shetookastepawayfromhim,strugglingnottotouchherfacewhereittingled.“Iamnotyourlove.Iamafamousarchae—Imean,architect.”
“Youreallyshoulddoasyourhusbandsays,missus,”thecuratoradvisedwithacondescendingsmile.
“Iwillnot!”Charlottereplied.“Thatis,Ireiterate,heisn’tmyhusband.He’sarogue,athief,abuccaneer!”
“Aeronauticalentrepreneur,”thecuratorcorrected.
Charlotteinhaledsharplyinanefforttorepresshertemper,whichwaswhythemanwasabletoleaveworkthateveninginfullpossessionofhishair.“Thisisinsane,”shedeclared.
“Itisindeed,”Alexagreed,pattinghershoulderinawaynoactualhusbandwoulddarewithhiswife.“Ididwarnyouwhatwouldhappenifyouforgottotakeyourpills,darling.”Heturnedtothecurator.“Mrs.Smithisquiteunwell,I’mafraid.It’satragictale.Shehammeredinanailtohangourweddingportraitlastmonthandeversincehassufferedanidéefixeaboutbeinganarchitect.Ifearshewantstotakeyouramulettoserveasourdoorknocker.”
“Goodnessme.”ThecuratorofferedCharlotteapatronizinglysympatheticlookthat,ifshewasapirate,she’dremovefromhisfacethroughtheenergeticapplicationofherknuckles.Shewasnotapirate,however;shewasawitch.Andwitchesweregentle,dignifiedpeople.
Suddenlytheman’seyescrossedandhebegantuggingasdiscreetlyaspossibleathisunderwearthroughtheclothofhistrousers.
“Comedearest,let’sleavethepoormanalone,”Alexsaid,tryingtopullheraway.“We’llgogetyourmedicinethentuckyouupniceandcozyinbed.Wouldn’tyoulikethat?”
Theywerebrieflydistractedbyawomanshovingpast,longknifeblurringasshemadealiteralpointabouttheneedforclottedcreambeneathjam.Herconversationalpartnerrepliedwithabarbedwalkingstick.Fromsomewherebeyondthemcameamildexplosion,andfeathersdrifteddownthroughtheair.
“AllowmetoinformyoupreciselywhatIwouldlike,CaptainO’Riley,”Charlottereplied,movingherfeetapartandpressingthemagainstthefloorsohecouldnoteasilyshifther.“Bycoincidenceitalsoinvolvesmedicine—orshouldIsay,poison!”
Thecurator,stillattendingtohistwistingundergarment,gaveanappalledgasp.“Goodheavens!Iseewhatyoumean,Mr.Smith.”
“It’sallright,”Alexsaid,soundingbrave.“I’veputupwithworse.TheotherdayImerelyaskedhertorepeatasentenceandshethrewapumpkinatme.”
“Egads.”
“She’snoteasy,butshe’sworthit.EverytimeIlookatherlovelyface,mybicyc—Imean,myheartlifts.”
Hesmiledwithmockfondnessather.Shestaredcoldlyinresponse.Justthen,adaggerflewbetweenthemandembeddeditself,shuddering,inamapdetailingBerylBlack’stravels.Thecuratorcroucheddownwithasqueal,flinginghisarmsoverhishead.
AleximmediatelytooktheopportunitytoyankthebriefcasefromCharlotte’sgrip.Hesteppedback,hisexpressiongrimlytriumphant.
“Considerthisanannulment,sweetheart.”
Charlotteglared.“Youaretheworstkindof—”
Aflamingpieceofwoodclatteredagainstherfeet.Charlottekickeditaway.“Thankyou!”anelderlypirategentlemancalledoutcheerfully,hoppingovertoretrievewhatwasinfacthisleftleg.
“—devil,”Charlottecontinued.
“Butadevilonceagaininpossessionofhisbriefcase,”Alexsaid.“Dobegtheorphansforforgivenessonmybehalf.”
“No,IthinkIshallcompensatetheminstead.”Mutteringrapidly,sheheldoutherhand,andhisrubyringflewneatlyintoherpalm.Withaself-satisfiedsmile,shetuckeditinsideherbodice.
Alex’sexpressionabruptlyturnedcold.“Givethatback.”
Helookedgenuinelyfrightening,andafrissonsweptthroughCharlotte’sbody.Notfear,however—excitement.Noonehadeverstaredatherinsuchafashionbefore—undauntedbyherreputationasthemostpowerfulwitchofherage,andpreparedtoabsolutelydismantleeverydefenseshepossessed,shouldthatberequired.EvenMissPlimhadbecomealittlecautiousofherlately.AlexO’Riley,however,clearlywasnotscared.
Delighted,shestaredrightbackathim.
“I’llreachinafterit,”hewarned.
“You’lltry,”shesaidcomplacently.
Theyduckedasabookflewoverhead—andthen,asMissGloughenburywhackeditwithherstuffedpoodle,flewbackagain.Charlottestraightenedfirst;Alexdidsomoreslowly,hiseyessmolderingbeneaththeirheavyblacklashes.ItmighthavebeenalarminghadherinnerElizabethBennetnotgiggledatthesight.
“Mrs.Smith,”thecuratorcriedoutfromhishuddleonthefloor.“Youreallymustletyourhusbandtakeyoutosafety.Thesepiratesaredangerous!”
“I’mnotscaredofpirates,”Charlottescoffed.
“Youshouldbe,”thecuratorandpiratesaidinunison.
Shesighed.Itwasacomplexsound,containingmoreconsonantsthanareregularlyheardinexhaledair,andAlex’seyeswidened.
“Don’tbestupid,”hesaid,butitwastoolate.Heleftthegroundandtraveledataconsiderablespeedacrossthechamber,meetinghisrestabruptlyagainstadisplaycase.
“Howdidyoudothat?”thecuratoraskedwithhorrifiedastonishment.
“I’mstrongerthanIlook,”Charlottereplied.“Itcomesfromyearsofarchitecting.”Shestrodeaway,makingadeterminedpaththroughsword-wielding,broom-smackingwomen,mutteringincantationsasshewent.Bodiesjoltedoutofthewayandweaponsswervedagainsttheirnaturalmomentumtoavoidtouchingher.Theperfectserenitysheusuallyfeltwasasshakenasthelaughterinapirate’smockingblueeyes,andsuddenlyallshewantedwasthatamuletinherhand,inalockedroom,withaniceacupofteaandagingerbiscuittosoothehernerves.
Museumguardswereblowingwhistlestosummonreinforcements;pirateswerehollering;swordswereclashingwithavibrantringofnoise.Thewholeworldseemedtothrob.CharlotteglancedbacktoseethatAlexhadgottohisfeetandbegunstalkingher.Everyoneelseremainedoblivioustoheractions,butalthoughthepiratehadonlyrecentlymether,heseemedtounderstandwhatshewasabouttodo,perhapsbecausehe’dwitnessedjusthowfoolhardyshecouldbewhensheranoutofpatience.
Rightnow,herwellofpatienceresembledaditchintheAfricandesertatnoononamidsummer’sday.Twistingawordonhertongue,shesentawoman’speony-coveredhatcareeningintoAlex’sface.Butanotherglancesawhimflingthehatofftorevealahot,darksmile.
“Concido,concidolente,”Charlottechanted,increasingherstridetowardtheplinththatheldtheglass-encasedamulet.Asherwordsflickedmagicacrosstheinterveningspace,theguardcollapsedbackward,smackingagainstthefloor.Thewhistlebetweenhislipsshriekedonce,thentwitteredintosilence.Apirateinyellowsatinleapedoverhim,swingingherpursefromitsstringsasshechasedawitchwhopreferredhersconesDevonshire-style.Charlottereachedtheplinthandlaidahandagainstthecasing.
Theamulet,lyingbackonavelvetcushion,sparkledasiftosay,Goon,takeme.Forsomethingofincalculablevalueitwasrathertacky—abulgingdiskofbrownishglassframedinmetalthatlookedmoregold-coloredthanactuallygold.ItwassetonachainofheavylinksthatmadeCharlottethinkinexplicablyofmenwithhairychestsswaggeringonadancefloor.Sheblinkedtheimageawayandfocused.
“Discutio.”
Thecasingshattered.
Charlotteinstinctivelymovedherhandbackfromtheexplosionofglass.Ameremomentlatershewasreachingfortheamulet—butadelicate,lace-glovedhandgottherebeforeher.
“Thankyoumostkindly,”CeciliaBassingthwaitesaid,snatchingupthedisk.Withabrief,politenod,sheturned,steppedoverthedazedguard,andbegantohastentowardthedoorway.
ShockcloudedCharlotte’ssensesmomentarilybeforebeingsplitbyalightningboltofabsolutefury.Shethrewwordsatthepirate.Ceciliastumbled,andtheamuletfloatedoutofhergrasp.Catchingitagain,shehoistedherskirtsandranon.Charlottetookupthechase.
“Theamulet!”someoneshoutedinbelatedrealization.
EugeniaCuttle-PlimbarreledpastseveralpeopletograbCecilia’sarm.Thepiratespunabout,herotherarmrisinginself-defense,butEugeniashoutedaphraseoftheincantationinherface.Ceciliarearedback(lessfromthewitcherythanthefactEugeniahadeatenfriedonionsforbreakfast)andMrs.Chuke’smaidneatlystoletheamuletfromher,thenhandedittoMrs.Chuke.Butbeforethewomancouldtakeevenastep,MissHabersham,ayoungwitchdressedinlayersoffranticwhiteruffles,pushedthemaidaside,kickedMrs.Chukehardintheshin,andgrabbedtheamuletfromherbeforedartingaway.
Charlottestrodethroughthecrowd,incantatingpeopleoutofherpath.She’dstolenthatamuletfairandsquare,andunderanycode(excepttheactualcodeoflaw,ofcourse)itrightlybelongedtoher!Asangerblazedinherthroat,theunimpeachableruleaboutnoovertpublicmagicburnedaway—muchlikesheherselfwoulddoifshewascaughtandprosecutedforwitchcraft,butshedidnotstoptoconsiderthat.Withonerapidphrase,sheelevatedherselfseveralfeetoffthegroundandleapedforMissHabersham.
Shelandedamomenttoolate.AlexO’Rileyhadgottherefirst.HepickeduptheberuffledwitchandswungheraroundsoherlowerhalfcollidedwithCharlotte’smidriff.Itwaslikebeinghitwithacreampie,onlywithkneesinside.Charlottestaggeredback,andMissHabershamsaidawordthatwasnotmagicalbutcertainlywitchy.Alexlaughed.Removingtheamuletfromherpossession,hedroppedher,andshebouncedupoffherbustletocrashagainintoCharlotte.
“Stop,thief!”Charlotteshoutedwithhelplessfury,tryingtodivestherselfofMissHabershamsoastopursuethefiendishpirate.Alexdidnotpause,buthethrewsomethingoverhisshoulderather.MissHabershamducked;Charlottecaughttheitemautomatically,thenscowledatitsfamiliarleathersurface.
“Devil,”shemuttered,tossingthebriefcaseaside.ItcrashedintoabustofEuterpe,causingacacophonyofdisharmonicnoisesthatironicallyreachedtheircrescendoasthemarblebustmetthefloor.CharlotteextricatedherselffromMissHabersham’sruffles,butitwastoolate;Alexdashedoutthroughthedoorway—
Andfellflatonhisfaceasabootedlegcameouttotriphim.
“Sorry,oldchap,”NedLightbournesaidlanguidly,bendingdowntotaketheamuletfromAlex’shand.Straightening,heturnedtoleave—
Andgotwhackedinthefacebyalargepinkpurse.
“Takethat,MasterLuxe!”
“Constantinopla,”Nedgroaned,staggeringback.
Thepirategirlwhirledtodramaticbutpurposelesseffect,punchedhiminthegut,andsnatchedtheamulet.“How’sthatforadancemove?”shesaid,andfledacrosstheentrancehallwithpiratesandwitchesinhotpursuit.
CharlottespunMissHabershamaway,shovedMissGloughenbury,andwincedassomeoneyankedthehatfromherheadinanefforttoslowherdown.Fartheracrossthehall,CeciliaBassingthwaiteleapedovertheticketcounteranddeftlykickedtheamuletfromConstantinopla’sgrasp.Itsailedhighintotheair,flashingbrightly,andthecrowdstaggeredtoahalt,alleyesliftingtowatchitsprogress.
Atthatbreathlessmoment,ayoungmanwanderedintothemuseum,handsinhispockets,hattiltedjoviallytooneside.
“What’sup?”hesaidtothegeneralassembly.
“Tom!”criedConstantinopla.“Catchit!”
Tom’seyeswidenedashesawtheamuletfallingtowardhim.Hereachedoutbothhandsalmostmindlessly,andhisentirebodyjoltedwithsurpriseasthetreasuresmackedintohispalms.Hestaredatit.
“Run,Tom!”Constantinoplashouted.“Run!”
Tomspunaboutobedientlyandleggeditbackoutside.Asheraceddownthemuseumstepsandontotheforecourt,heglancedbackatthecrowdfollowinghim
Andthusitwashefailedtoseethetall,narrowhouseloweringitselfbeforehim.Nordidhenoticeitsreddooropening.
“Tom!”Constantinoplacalledoutinahigh,franticvoice.“It’sLadyArmitage!”
Butthewarningcametoolate.Tomranintothehouseanditsdoorslammedshut.
Piratesandwitchesalikestoodonthemuseumsteps,staringinshockasthehousemostsynonymouswithtruepiratichorrorrosefromtheforecourtandflewaway,bearingwithitBeryl’samulet(andTomEames).
6HOTPURSUIT—THEBUTLERWOULDN’TDOIT—ANUNWELCOMESIGHT—CHARLOTTEISNOTASPIDER—HOTCIRCLING—THEWEAPONIZINGOFTEA—CHARLOTTEMAKESAMESS—WHENONEDOORCLOSES—ALEXSURRENDERS
Thesocietyofpiratesentertaineditselfnowandthenwithsendingafewdozenwomentoairinhousesfittobeemployedinbattle.Townhouses,mansions,asmallcastleortwo—theymadeabravesightwhengathered(whichistosay,apersonhadtobebravetostandstillandbeholdthemratherthanrunawayscreaming).AlexO’Riley’shouse,however,wasgenerallyagreedtobeaneyesore.Nevermindthatitwasalsothefastestintheskies;atruepiratehadconsiderationforappearances.Heoughtatleasttowhitewashthewalls,fixthechimney,andsubmittothesuperioropinionoftheWisteriaSocietyonallmatterssincetheyreallyonlyhadhisbestinterestsatheart.
ButEnglishpeoplehadbeensayingsuchthingstotheIrishforcenturies,soAlexfeltcomfortableignoringthem.Helikedhishouse.HelikeditsruggednessandthewayitalwayssmelledofDonegalrain.HecertainlylikedhowhecouldbashitintoMrs.Rotunder’shouseastheyrosetogetheroffGreatRussellStreetandstillitsmagicdidn’tfalter—whereasMrs.Rotunder’sgenteeltownhousetippedsharplytostarboardandwasrescuedfromcompletecollapseonlybyatelegramcompanyofficebeingintheway.
(Ithastobesaid:shewassavedbythebell.)
Alexharborednoguiltaboutthis.Notonlydiditmeanonelessrivalintheair,butonhisownstarboardsideBloodhoundBesswastryingtodothesametohim.
EveryonehadrushedtotheirhousesafterseeingLadyArmitageabscondwithboththeamuletandapiratelad—andnotjustbecauseTom’sfiancée,Constantinopla,wasscreaminginthemostaggravatingway.AnobjectofsuchpowerasBeryl’samulethavingfallenintotheclutchesofLadyArmitagemustbeconsiderednothinglessthanadisaster.Thewomanhadmurderedseveralhusbandsandnowthereforehadnothingtodobuttomarryalltherestoftheworld—orruinit,ifshecould.TheWisteriaSocietyladiesdidnotgenerallyagreeonmuch,buttheywereunifiedinabeliefthatArmitageshouldnotbeallowedtogettheupperhand,orelseshe’dbeintolerableatparties.Besides,pirateswereconstitutionallyincapableoflettingsomethinggo.
TwoelderlyladieshadshovedpastAlex,almostknockinghimfromhisfeet,astheyracedtowardtheirbattlehouses.Butashegothishousealoft,mutteringtheincantation’sstanzaforspeedandturningthegreatoaksteeringwheelwithaneasyone-handedmastery,Alexknewhe’dsoonbeaheadoftheothers.Apirate’shousewastheirvisiblepsyche,sothesayingwent.Alexlikedhiswellenough,butintheenditwasmerelyawaytogetintheair.He’dpushitashardashecould—andifbitsdidhappentofalloff,well,therewasplentyofstonearoundtopatchit.
Muchthesameaswithhisactualpsyche.
Besides,hewasdeterminedtowinthatamulet,andnotjustbecausethelookonCharlottePettifer’sfacewhenhegotitwouldbepriceless.
Thewitchhadonlyherselftoblame.Smashingpumpkinsandthrowingmuseswasallveryentertaining,butofnorealbenefitwhenthingstookoff,literally.Now,ifshehadbeenapirate,shewouldhavepulledthepinsfromherhair(hepausedamomenttoimagineit)andheldonetohisthroatwhiledemandingthekeytohishouse.Shewouldn’tstandlikethewitchesweredoingonthemuseumforecourt,shakingtheirfistsandparasolsaspiratesraisedhousesaroundthemandspedaway.
Alexdidn’tusuallyfeelsocompetitive.OtherthanafriendshipwithNedLightbourne,hismaininvolvementwiththepiratecommunitythusfarhadbeeninavoidingthepiratecommunity.Andonlyoncebeforehadheallowedawitchanyspaceinhisbrain.Butnow,asheflewhisbattlehouseovertheBritishMuseumandtowardLadyArmitage’srapidlydwindlinghouse,hecouldnothelpbutlaugh,thinkingabouttheWickenLeaguelefthopelesslybehind.
“Issomethingamusing,sir?”
Alexspunabout,swordunsheathedandrisinginaswift,automaticmovementevenbeforehecompletedtheturn.
Hisbutlerpausedinthecockpitdoorway,waitingdispassionatelyforAlex’smemorytopullitselftogetheragain.Dressedinaflawlessblacksuit,hisbrownhairimpeccable,hehadatraysetupononehandandaprofessionallyunfocusedlookbehindhisspectacles.ThiswasamanwhowouldnotrecognizeamusementevenifitknockedonthedooranddemandedhesayWho’sthere?beforesmackinghimonthenosewitharubberchicken.HewasayearyoungerthanAlexbutseemedineffablyolder.
Thetrayheldanonyx-handledpistol.
“Idon’tneedagun,”Alexsaid.Withasmallapologeticshrug,hesheathedtheswordandreturnedhisattentiontotheviewoutthewindow.CeciliaandNed’sbattlelibraryflewalongside.Alexeyeditthoughtfully.Heprobablyobviouslycouldnotsideswipehisfriends’premises,buthedidmutterthephraseforspeedonceagain,andthecottagetrembledasitstreakedthroughthelight,outpacingtheothercottage.Atthisrate,hewouldsooncatchArmitage.“Preparethegrapplinghook,Bixby,”heorderedhisbutler.
“Iamnotsureagrapplinghookwouldbeappropriateinthissituation,sir.Itmightdamagethefurniture.”
Alexfrowned,tryingtoworkthisoutandfailing.“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
“Irefertotheuninvitedguestinyoursittingroom.”
Alexturned,onehandstillonthewheel,theotheronhiship,tofrownattheman.“Bixby,didyoukidnapanotherProtestantsoyoucoulddebatetransubstantiationwiththemwhileIwasout?”
“Nottoday,sir.AndmayIbesoboldastomentionthatyouareabouttocollidewithamanor?”
Alexspunbacktothewindowand,witharushofwordsandanurgenttugofaleverattachedtothesideofthewheel,bankedthehouseoverandawayfromMrs.Dole’sresidence.Theonlyfurnitureinthecockpit,ashabbyarmchairwithseveralknivesandbrassknucklesclutteringitsseat,shudderedacrossthefloor.Alexfrowned,forthestabilizingmagicshouldpreventsuchthings.Hadhebeensobusygloatingaboutthewitchesthathe’drecitedthestanzaincorrectly?
Annoyedwithhimself,hemutteredthestanzaagaintobesure,thenwavedahandtodismissBixby.“Idon’thavetimeforthis.LockhimintheatticandI’lldealwithhimlater.”
“Ialreadysuggestedthatcourseofactiontothelady,andsheregretfullydeclined.Shesatdownonthesofa,andeachtimeIapproachedtorelocateher,sheroseupagain—severalfeetintotheair,ifyouplease—takingthesofawithher.”
Thisnewswasnarratedwiththemaximumdisapprovalpossibleintheminimumamountoftone.Alexclosedhiseyeswearily.
“Letmeguess.Hairthecolorofwildhoney,lovelyeyes,holdsherselfasifshe’sarifleaimedatitstargetandabouttofire?”
“Itisnotinthecompassofmyemploymenttocommentonthequalityofladies’eyes,”Bixbyreplied.“Butshedoesindeedhavered-blondehair.”
Alexsighed.“Takethehelm,Bixby.I’lldealwithourstowaway.”
“Areyounotengagedinhotpursuit,sir?”
“Yes,inmoredirectionthanone,itseems.”
“Ibegyourpardon,sir?”
“Nevermind.Justfollowthathouseattopspeed.”
“Topspeed.”ThebutlermadeitsoundasifAlexhadaskedhimtohandwashhisgrandmother’sundergarments.
“Ifyoucatchthathouse,there’sanewdusterinitforyou.”
“Hurrah,”Bixbyproclaimeddryly.
Alexsnatchedthegunandholstereditinhiswaistband,thentippedhisheadtowardthesteeringwheel.Bixbydidnotsigh,buthisentireposture,andthemannerinwhichhetuckedthetraybeneathhisarm,elocutedlong-sufferingdisapprobation.Hemarchedovertothewheel,sonorouslyintoningthepilotphraseashewent,andforonemomentthecottageseemedtocometoattentionlikeafootmanwhoknowswho’sreallybossinahousehold.
Alexlefthimtoit.Headingdownthehallway,pastcratesofsugarwaitingtobesmuggledintoIreland,hetriedtocalmthetumultofthoughtssuddenlyoverwhelminghismind.HowhadCharlottePettifergotintothehouse?Andhowcouldhegetheroutagain,consideringtheywereinhotpursuit,hundredsoffeetofftheground?Hecouldthrowher
Withluck,she’dfaintedatthemessinhissittingroom.Thenagain,thewayhisownluckwasgoing,she’dprobablygivehimonelong,slow-blinkinglookwithhersmokygreeneyesandhe’dbetheonefaintinginstead.
Ha,hedidn’tmeanthatseriously,ofcourse.Hewasn’tscaredofsomewitchwomanwhobarelycameuptohischin
Evenifshewasstandinginthemiddleofthesittingroomwithapistolinonedelicateglovedhandpointeddirectlyathim.
No,notscared,Alexthoughtashelookedather.Norinanywaystirred.
Herhatwasmissingandherhairhadescapeditsbindings.Itpouredoverhershouldersanddownherbackinanabundanceoffine,softwavesthatlookedliketheyweregettingtheirfirstexperienceoffreedominyearsandweremakingthemostofit.Alexwrestledwithasuddenstrangecompulsiontogatherthathairinhishandsand—
“Stoprightthere,ifyouplease,”shesaidarchly,makinghisthoughtscrashagainsteachother:gun,hair,suchanelegantneck,yesbutgun,neckagain,doyouthinkshe’dshootyouifyoutriedtolick…
“Isaidstop,”shereiterated,holdingthepistolalittlehigher,andAlexrealizedhe’dcontinuedwalkingtowardher.Hestopped,buthissmilekeptongoing,budgingupagainsthercomfortzone.Shetookastepback.
“Ihaveagun,”shesaidunnecessarily.
“Andyou’renotafraidtouseit?”heguessed.
“No,Iamafraidtouseit.Butthatwon’tpreventme,shouldyoucomeanycloser.”
“Ibelieveyou.”Heheldupbothhandstoshowhewasnothreat.“TowhatdoIowethepleasureofthisvisit?”
“Youknowperfectlywell.Iintendtoretrievemystolenamulet.”
Heraisedaneyebrow.“Youramulet?I’veheardofreincarnation,butIalwaysthoughtifBlackBerylcamebacktolifeitwouldbeasatarantula,notaLondongirlwhodoesn’tevenknowhowtoreleasethesafetyonagunbeforepointingitatsomeone.”
Shestaredcoldlyathissmile,butherfacewasbeginningtoheat.Alexcouldnotdecideifthatwasduetoangerorembarrassment,andhesuddenlyworried—forhemightbearogue,andmakingherwalktheplankwasstillanoption,butheneverwantedtoactuallyhurther.Hismotherwouldhaveraisedhimbetterthanthat,hadshelivedbeyondhisfirstfiveyears.Instinctivelyhetookhalfastepforward,anapologyforminginhismouth.
MissPettiferreleasedthesafetyandshookbackherhair,andhefelthimselfbegintoheattoo.Theireyesmet.
Ah,saidhisbrain,erasingtheapology.Soitwasthatkindofheat.
Theairseemedtosizzle.Alexcouldnotstandstill,butdidnotwanttoriskrushingher.Hemadeacarefulsidestep.
Shedidthesameintheoppositedirection.
“IamthetruespiritualheirofBerylBlack,prophesizedbygenerationsofwitches,”shesaid.“Therefore,theamuletisrightfullymine.”
“Generations,hey?”
Herjawtwitched.“Well,twogenerations.Buttheprincipleremains.”
“Fairenough.ButI’mafraidyouwon’tfindanyamuletinthishouse,darling.”
Hestepped;shestepped—circlingeachother.
“IdoubtIcouldfindanelephantinthishouse,”sheretorted,“consideringthemess.”
Alexsmiled.Theroomwasclutteredwithboxes,treasures,pilesoftarpaulin,alltheusualdetritusofabusypirate.Ashetookanotherstephehadtokickasideanoldholster;asshedid,sheveeredaroundacrateofgoldcups.Onlyasofaandlowwoodentableofferedthesuggestionofthisbeingahome,althoughbothstruggledtoservetheir
“Whydoyouevenhaveabutlerifyoudon’tlethimtidyyourhouse?”Charlotteasked,wrinklinghernoseasshesteppedonadirtyplate.“Andscrubit…disinfectit…justburnittotheground.”
Irritationflaredinhisheart,butherepliedwithperfectnonchalance.“Iseeyou’vebeentalkingwithBixby.Heismybutlerbecausehehasablackbeltinkarate,cankillamansevenwaysusingabowlerhat,andmakesthebestlambstewthissideoftheIrishSea.Ifhewantstowastehisenergywithcleaning,hehastokeepittohisownrooms.Thisisaworkingbattlehouse,notaMayfairmansion.Wehadgoatsinherelastweek,andagovernmentministerasahostagetheweekbeforethat,ifyouwanttoknowhowreallymuckyitcanget.”
“Ishallbesuretodecontaminatemyselflater.ButfornowIrequireyoutotakemeinpursuitofLadyArmitage,sothatImayrecovermyamuletfromher.”
“It’strueIjustsohappentobegoinginthatdirection.Unfortunately,however,witchesarenotwelcomeinmyhouse.”Atthosewords,aspikeofold,poisonoushatredfiredhisinstincts,andonlybycurlinghisfingersintoafistcouldhepreventhimselffromtouchingthescarsleftbyacertainwitchwho’dgotintohishouse,hisfamily’sheart,sometwentyyearsago.“Butdon’tworry,”hesaid,shovingthememoryawaywithpracticedbrutality.“IhavejusttheplaceforyoutowaituntilwelandandIcanevictyou.Niceandtidy,althoughlackingaview,I’mafraid.”
“Youspeakofacloset,”shesaidwithremarkableperspicacity.
“Ispeakofacloset,”heconfirmed
Theireyes,stillfocusedoneachother,blazed.Iftheairbetweenthembecamemuchhotter,Alexfearedhishouse—oratleasthissomething—wouldgoupinflames.
“CaptainO’Riley,youseemtobeundertheimpressionyouhaveauthorityinthissituation,”thewitchsaid.“Mygun,however,trumpsyouropinion.”
“Butyouwillonlyhaveyourgunforthenextfewseconds,”hetoldhercalmly.
“I’llshootifyoucomenearme.”
“Willyou?”Hedidn’tgivehertimetolie.“I’mnotmoving.Smithsonwillbetakingitoffyou.”
“Smithson?”
“Behindyou.”
Hereyesnarrowed,andhecouldeasilyguesswhatshewasthinking.Almostcertainlynoonestoodbehindher,andturningtolookwouldleavehervulnerabletohim.But“almostcertainly”leftroomfordoubt,anddoubtwasadangerousthingwhendealingwithpirates.Alexshruggedoneshouldercarelessly,smirkingatsomething,orsomeone,justoverhershoulder.
Sheturned.
Shepointedhergunatnothing.
Hehaditoutofherhand,andherhandtwistedupbehindherback,beforeshecouldevenregisterthatshe’dmadethewrongchoice.Pullingheragainsthisbody,hewrappedonelegaroundherssoshecouldnotdeploythoseinterestingshoesasweapons.
Butasherwarmthsankintohim,thefreshcleansmellofherhairsofteninghismentalawareness,thepressofherbustlehardeninghisphysicalawareness,Alexforgotthemostdangerouspartofher.
Hebarelyheardthewhisperingbeforeacrateofteaslammedintohim.
Charlottejoltedasthecratehitthepirate’sshoulder.Hestaggered,gruntingwithpain.Immediatelysheyankedherselfaway,buthecaughtheragain.
“Don’tbother.There’snowhereto—”
“Aereorapido!”
Mapsflewuplikewildgeese,harshandexcited,toslaphisface.Hereleasedherinordertobatthemaway,andCharlotterantowardthehallthatledtothewheelroom.Ifshegotinthereandbarricadedthedoor,shecoulduseherfemininewiles(i.e.,witchcraft,weaponizedshoes,multifacetedbesom)onthebutlertosecurehishelp.
Suddenlyherplan,andherbody,lurchedtoastop.Alexhadsnatchedthebowofherridiculousdressand,asCharlottecursedCeciliaBassingthwaiteandherbadfashionexample,hetuggedherbackagainsthim.
“Howdare—”shebegan,buthishandclampedoverhermouth.
Charlottewasgobsmacked(literally)bytheman’srudeness.Thisallcouldhavebeenresolvedinacivilmannerifhe’djustofferedheracupofteaandacomfortableseatwhileshehijackedhishouse.Thathehadn’tonlyprovedwhatascoundrelhewas,andshewouldbesuretochastenhimvialecturingoramoralisticburglarizingwhenshegotthechance.
Fornow,however,shehadnoideawhattodo.Hisgripwassostrong,shecouldnotevenstruggle;herheelsclatteredagainstthedustywoodenfloorashebegandraggingherbackwardacrosstheroom.Neverbeforeinherlifehadshedonemorethanshakeagentleman’shand.Tohavehisarmsaroundher,hispalmpressedagainstherlips,was—was—
Unacceptable!Atrocious!Rousing!No,wait,revolting!
JaneAusten’sheroines,beggedforassistance,offeredbewilderedsilence.Unlesshetriedtoproposemarriage,theywereatalossastohowshemightdefeathim.
“Sorryaboutthis,”hesaidcheerfully.“Don’tcallmeheartless,though.AfterI’veretrievedtheamuletImightletyoulookatitbeforeIdropyoubackhome.”
“Mphm!”(Fortherecord,shewascallinghimsomethingagreatdealworsethanheartless.)
“Fearnot,I’llsetthehousedownbeforeIdropyoufromit.”Shetriedtobitehishand.“Probably,”heamended.
Shetastedsweatandherownbitter,unspokenmagic.Shecursedthegentlenessoffeminineliteraturethathadlefthersounequallyeducatedinviolence
AndthenAmyMarchroseunexpectedlyfromthedregsofherimagination,manuscriptinonehandandsharpsmileonherface.
Alexcursedasthewomanwentsuddenlylimpinhisarms.Hadhehurther?He’dnotintendedto,onlywantedtoensureshewasrestrainedfromtearinghishouseapartwiththatdamnedwitchyvoiceofhers.
“MissPettifer?”heinquired.Shedidnotreply—ofcourse,he’dcoveredhermouth.Perhapsshe’dfaintedbecauseofthat.Hereyeswereclosed,herfine-bonedfacepallid,andifhewasnotholdinghershe’dtumbletotheground.Worried,hehoistedher,intendingtoliftherintohisarmsandcarryhertothesofa.Butashisgriploosenedshesuddenlypulledfree.
Hescowled.“You—”
Whetherthiswastobeastatementofrelieforacursemustremainunestablished,forhegotnothingfurthersaidbeforesheraisedherskirt,swiveled,anddeliveredabrisk,angledkicktohisleg.
Inthatmoment,Alexdiscoveredshewaswearingknee-highboots,andthatthosebootswerestudded.Hewouldhavebeenseriouslythrilledhadhenotbeenstaggeringinpain.
Sheshouldhaverunthen.Butsheoverthoughtit,andsnatchedupabrokencrossbowfromthejumbledstackagainstthewall,preparingtosmackhimwithit.Alexlurchedforward,grabbingherhandandsqueezinguntilshedroppedthecrossbow.Itlandedononeofherfeet,causingasmallexplosionofsparks.
“Ow!”shecried,moreinfurythanpain.ButAlexwasmerciless.Asshetiltedoff-balance,hepulledheragainsthimandhauledherup,overhisshoulder.
“Putmedown!”shedemanded,kickinghelplesslyinsidethelayersofherskirtsashecarriedheracrosstheroom.“Putmedownatonce,orIwill—”
Heputherdown.Buthisarmwasstillaroundher,holdingherbodyclose,soclose,sosoftandluscious,likeadream.No,hetoldhimself—abloodynightmare.Shescowledupathimthroughatumbleofhair,sparksofwitchfireinhereyes.
Alexgrinned.“I’mafraidourguestroomisalittlesmall,”hesaid,andreachedouttoopentheclosetdoor.
“Reciprico,”Charlottesnapped,andthedoorslammedshut.
CaptainO’Rileysnappedafewwordsofhisown,noneofwhichrequiredtranslationtotheLatintogivethemforce.Charlottegasped.Pressedagainstthelengthofhisbody,shenotonlyheardthosewordsbutfeltthemvibratingthroughherbones,heatingherbloodfurther.
Theylookedateachother,gazesclashinglikeswords.Heliftedhishandtowardhermouth,shemutteredquickly,anditwasaracebothofthemlost—forhesilencedhermid-word,butshegotenoughofthatwordouttomakesomedifference.Anemptywickerbirdcage,alreadydreamingofwings,liftedintheairandbeganrushingtowardthem.
Alexturned,hunchingoverhersothecagecrackedagainsthisback.ItwasanactalmostDarcy-like,protectingCharlottefromtheconsequencesofherowniratechoices,andshemighthavebeenimpressed,evenalittlesorryforwhatshe’ddone,hadshenotknownthateverythingwashisfault.Hestraightened,moaningslightly,andshekickedhimintheshin.
Abruptlyhepushedherbackagainstthewall.Theimpactignitednervesandtossedmagicwordsthroughherbrain.Shemurmuredthemagainstthebarricadeofhishand,andalthoughtheyweremuffled,thefrontdoorflungopen.Windroaredintothecottage.Charlottefelthermagicroarinresponse.Shewentonincantatingagainstthepirate’sskin,andsmallitemsbegantoflyabout;herhairstirred.
Nowthiswaswitchcraft,shethoughtinexhilaration.Nevermindstealingbriefcases.Thiswasstealingthesky.
ShesawherselfreflectedlikeaflameinAlex’seyes.Sheinhaledhishot,angrybreathandwantedmore.
Theyglaredateachother.
Thehousebegantoswayaswitcheryclashedwiththeflightincantation.Thesofawasrising,windowsswingingopen.Charlottewonderedwhyshe’dneverbeforenoticedthefilamentofgoldinthepirate’slefteye.
Alexliftedhishandfromhermouth,takingallherwordsawaywithit.Hebrushedthehairfromherface.Aswordspiraledpast;abottlesmashedagainstthewallbesidethem.Thepiratewasbreathingasifhe’drunamile,butCharlottefeltherownhecticbreathbeginningtoease.Asultry,heavystillnesssettledthroughher,evenastheworldturnedwild.
Alexloweredhishead.Charlotteliftedhers.
Theirlipstouched.
Thegroundbeneaththemshook.
7GROUNDED—BADLANGUAGE—DANGEROUSQUESTIONS—JUSTASMALLPRICK—BIXBYOPTIMIZESTHESEARCH—APROPOSALOFMARRIAGE—FUNNYBUSINESS—THESCENTOFAWOMAN
Kissesarefoolishthings.Thepleasureofrationalthoughtisnotenhancedbythem,andtheinconvenienceisoftenconsiderable.ThereforeCharlottewaspleased—exceedinglypleased!—couldn’thavebeenhappier!—whenthehardlandingofthehousecausedAlextostumbleawayfromherbeforetheirkisscouldproperlycommence.
“Whatthehell?”Helookedaround,blinkingatthetumultintheroom,theswingingwindowsandgapingfrontdoor.Fromtheshockonhisface,Charlotterealizedhehadsomehowfailedtonoticeuntilnowwhathadbeenhappening.
“Fluff!”heswore.(Infactitwasawordvastlymorepotentthan“fluff,”butCharlotte’sbraindecidedshe’dhadjustaboutenoughforoneday,andtookpityonher.)WithoutevenglancingagainatCharlotte,hestormedacrosstheroom,kickingstrewnbooksandtoolsasideashewent,anddisappearedintothehallleadingtothecockpit.
Charlottetookadeep,unsteadybreath.Herthroatseemedfullofashes;hereyesachedasiflight-burned.Neverbeforehadmagicleftherfeelingthisway.Theintensityfrightenedherenoughthatsherespondedintruewitchyfashionbysweepingitup,alongwiththerealizationshe’dalmostkissedaman;boxingthembothneatly;andputtingthemalphabetizedonamentalshelf.Thisleftherbraincalmandtidyagain.Staidquestionsenteredinstead,wipingtheirfeetfirstandspeakinginleveltones:WheredidCaptainO’Rileyputmygun?WhatshouldIdonow?…andIstheretimetobrushmyhairfirst?
Clearly,findinghergunamongstthedisorderofthepirate’ssittingroomwouldbeimpossible,andshe’dlikelyriskbacterialinfectionbytrying.Instead,shesmoothedherskirtsandtidiedherhairasbestshecould,untilshefeltcalmsettlethroughheroncemore.Thenshepickedacarefulpathovertothefrontdoorandpeeredout.
Theyhadsetdowninsomeone’sgarden.Thismuchwasarelief.
Lessrelievingwasthefactitwasarooftopgarden.
Andtheedgeoftheroofwasmereinchesaway.
Charlotteswallowedawordthatmighthavedoomedthem.Justthen,atownhouseandacottageflewpast.Tootsemergedfromthetownhouseasifsomeoneblewonahorn.
Charlottehuffedwithaninexplicablefeelingofoffense.Buttherewasnothingtodoexceptwatchastheotherhousesincineratedaquarter-milefromtheadvantageAlex’scottagehadheld.Shuttingthedoor,shepickedanothercarefulpaththroughthesittingroom,towardthecockpitthistime.
Alexandhisbutlerwerearguingtherein.
“Youshouldn’thavelandedhere,”Alexwassaying,onehandonhisswordpommelashescowledatthebutler.Bixby’sexpressionofboreddisapprovalimpressedCharlottesomuch,shemadeamentalnoteofhowshemightreplicateit.
“Itwaseitherlandonthisrooforlandonourroof,”thebutlerrepliedcalmly.
“You’reoverreacting.Sowewerealittleunstable—”
Bixbymerelyturnedhisheadtolookatthearmchair,whichwasnowproppedupsidedownagainstawall.Alex’smouthflattenedwithannoyance.
ThenhecaughtsightofCharlotte,andtheannoyancespreadthroughhiscountenanceintohiseyes,hisbreathing;evenhishairlookedannoyedfromhavingahandtuggedthroughit.
“You’restillhere.”
“Yes,”Charlotterepliedwithasmuchdignityaspossible,consideringafewmomentsagoshehadalmostsurrenderedthatdignitybeneathhislips.“Imightbeabletoclimbdownfromtheroofofafour-storytownhouseifItried,butIstilldonothavetheamuletinmypossessionandthereforeamgoingnowhere.Speakingofwhich,whyarewenotinhotpursuit?”
“We?”Alexreplied.“We,madam,aretwomenwhowerequietlyattendingtoourdisreputablebusinessuntilhijacked.Wedonotincludeameddlingwitchwhosemagicalmostmadeuscrash.”(Charlottescoffed,mainlybecauseitwastrue.)“We—”
“We,”Bixbyinterjected,throwingareprovingglanceathisemployer,“werejustdiscussingtherecommencementofhotpursuit.MissPettifer,wouldyoucareforacupofteawhileyouwait?”
“Wait?!”AlexandCharlottespokeinunifieddismay.
“I’mapirate;Idon’twait,”Alexsaid.
“Myamuletisgettingaway,”Charlotteadded.
“Ibegtosuggestithasalreadygone,”Bixbytoldher.“Sevenhousesandwhatappearedtobeaticketboothhaveflownaheadofus.Noteventhishousecangofastenoughtooutpacethemallnow.”
“Shit.”Alexshovedathishairagainasheturnedtoglareoutthewindow
Bixby’smouthpursed.“Thereisaladypresent,sir.”
“Iamaware,”Alexretorted.“She’sthereasonwe’reinthisshittysituation.”
Charlottebristled.“Iwouldn’tbeifyouhaddonethegentlemanlythingandallowedmecompleteauthorityoveryourbattlehouse.”
“Madam,Iadviseyounottorequestgentlemanlybehaviorfromapiraticrakeunlessyou’repreparedtoacceptalloftheconsequences.”
“Sir,ifyouaretrulyarake,thenIamamilkmaid.”
Heturnedtoherwitheyesthatglittereddangerously.“Ijustkissedyou,”hepointedout,andhisvoicesoundedlikeakissitself.
“Youmostcertainlydidnot!Abriefandtemporaryconjunctionoflipsdoesnotequatetoa—”Shepaused,becausealmostkissingapiratewasonething,butspeakingaboutitrepresentedawholenewlevelofimpropriety.“Ifyouthinkthatitdoes,sir,Icanonlypityyourfuturewife.”
Hetookalithesteptowardher.Shestoodherground,cockinghermouthintoasmile.
“Pardonme,”thebutlerinterposedbeforeafireballsuddenlyappearedontherooftopofaLondontownhouse.CharlotteandAlexsnappedtheirattentiontohim,buthedidnotevenblink.“IdoubtwewouldhavecaughtLadyArmitageinanycase,”hesaid.“Shehadtoomuchofaleadonus.”
“Thenitisnotamatterofspeedbutintelligence,”Charlotteanswered.
Nowbothmenstaredather,theireyesdark,theirhardjawlinestaut.Shefeltasudden,uncharacteristicleapofanxiety,appreciatingfinallythat,inherhastetopursuetheamulet,shehadenteredwithoutachaperoneintotheprivatecompanyofanotoriousscoundrelandhisassassin-butler.Notevenflyingabicycleinpublictoucheduponthe
Theproperfemininebehavioratthispointwouldbetosaynomore,leavetheroom,andlockherselfinthecloset.CharlottedidnotneedtoreferenceaJaneAustennoveltoknowthat.Clearly,therewasonlyonechoiceshecouldmake.
Takingadeepbreath,sheshookbackherhair,liftedherchin,andmarchedforwardtothehouse’senormous,spokedwheel.
Themenwatchedher,incredulous.Betweenthewheelandthewindowstoodatiltedsurfacestrewnwithmaps.Althoughtheseofferednothingcomprehensibletoher,Charlotteneverthelesstappedoneofficiously.
“ImaybeamereLondongirl,”shesaid,“butevenIknowonecanplotatractory—”
“Trajectory,”Alexcorrected.
“—todeterminetheprobablecourseofone’sprey.”
“Andthisissomethingyoulearnedinembroideryclass,isit?”
Shedidnotdeigntolookathim.“Itissomethingeveryphilanthropististaught.Planning.Prediction.Thesubtletiesoftheart.”
“Philanthropist,”Alexechoed.
“Independentmanagerofwealthredistribution,”sheclarified.
“Ah.Thief.”
“Doyouwanttolistenornot?”
Heshrugged.“Not.Butdon’thuff—”
“Huff?!”Charlotte,alas,huffed.
“Iwilladmityourideamakessense.Armitagehastolandsoonerorlater,andwemaybeabletogettherebeforeher—oratleastbeforetheotherpirates—ifwecanfindashorterroute.Thequestionis,where?”
“Ifyouwillgivemejustamoment,sir,”Bixbysaid.Turningtoaseriesofalphabetizeddrawerssetinthesteeringcabinet,heopenedtheuppermostandtookfromitafilethickwithpapers,whichheproceededtoread.
“Youshouldgohome,”AlextoldCharlotte.“Seriously,Iknowyouwantthatamulet,andIgiveyoucreditforyourdetermination,butthisisadangerousbusiness,notappropriateforalady.Pleaseunderstand,I’monlythinkingofyoursafetywhenI—”
Thethinbutextremelysharprapierathisthroatpreventedfurtherspeech.
“Perhapsyoushouldthinkagain,”Charlottesuggestedcalmly,twitchingherbesomsotherapierpointscratchedhisskin.
Hegrinned.HiseyesbecameheavywithanexpressionCharlottedidnotrecognizebutherbodycertainlyseemedto.Shecouldalmostfeelhispulsebeatingthroughtherapierintoherownveins.Suddenly,holdingaweapontohimseemedlewd,andshepulleditback,leavingatinyredmarkonhisthroat.
Withoutblinking,hereachedupandtouchedafingertiptothemark,thentohislips.Hiseyessmiledwickedlyashelickedthefinger.Charlottesensedablusheruptingoverherentirebody.Shesnappedthebesomshutandreturneditsoforcefullytoapocketthatthefabricstrainedagainstitsseams.
“Howrevealing,”Bixbymurmured.
CharlotteandAlexturnedtoglareathim.Buthedidnotseemtonoticewhatwashappeningbetweenthem.“LadyArmitage’sdossiersuggestsshehasaproclivityfortheseaside.Iventuretosuggest,sincesheisheadingeast,shewillbeaimingforthecoast.”
“YouhaveadossieronLadyArmitage?”Charlotteaskedwithsurprise.
“Madam,allprofessionalbutlersaretappedintoaninterconnectedarrayofinformationalnetworks.”
Confused,CharlotteglancedatAlex.
“Theygossip,”hetranslated.
Bixbybristledatthis.“Weparticipateinthesharingofresourcesanddub-dub-dub—”Hepaused,straighteninghisspectacles.“Excuseme.Dubbedcopiesofpossiblefactoids.”
Again,CharlottelookedtoAlex.
“Rumors,”hesaid.
IfBixbybristledanymore,heriskedexplodingintosharppieces.“Imyselftakethelibertyofcreatingfiles,suchasthisoneaboutLadyArmitage.Aquicksearchforcertainkeywordsenablesmetosuggestwheretheladyisheading.”
“Tilbury,”Alexguessed.“TheWisteriaSocietyusedtomeetatthedocksintheolddays.”
“Andthatisnodoubtwhyeveryoneisflyinginthatdirection,eventhoughLadyArmitageisnowoutofvisualrange,”Bixbysaid.“ButIbelievesheisgoingtoClacton-on-Sea.Recordsshowshehasafriendshipwiththevicarthere.”
“Whyshouldthatbesignificant?”Charlotteasked.
Alexsnappedhisfingers,thenpointedoneatBixby.“Becausetheamuletisn’ttheonlythingshetook—andperhapsnotthemostimportanttoher.Right?”
“Indeed,”Bixbysaid.“WhendealingwithIsabellaArmitage,onemustalwaysconsiderthepossibilitysheiswantingtomarry.”
“PoorTom,”Alexmurmured.
“Tom?Theboywhostolemyamulet?”Charlottetriedtofindsympathyforhimwithinherself,butfailed.“MarriagetoLadyArmitageistheleastpunishmenthedeserves.”
“Don’tletConstantinoplahearyousaythat,”Alexadvised.
“Who?”
“ConstantinoplaBrown,generallyknownasOply.Tom’sfiancée,feistyyoungpirate,andasshewouldhaveit,closepersonalfriendofHerMajesty,QueenVictoria.”
“Oh.”Charlotterecollectedthegirlinthemuseumqueue.“Iamnotafraidofasixteen-year-old.”
“Youshouldbe,”AlexandBixbychorused.
“Shehasrefinedspoiledbrattishnesstoanartform,”Alexadded.“Whatshewants,shegets,andwoebetideanyonestandinginherway.”
“Soyou’resayingshe’spiratic?”
“No,she—”
“Wait,IthinkIunderstand.She’sayoungfemale.Thereforeherbehavior,whiletypicalforpirates,is,inher,merebrattishness.”
Alexopenedhismouthtoreply,butuponseeingCharlotteliftoneeyebrowinanticipation,closeditagainwordlessly.
Charlottetriednottosmirk.“Inanycase,Oplyisnothere.Westillare,however—sittingonthisrooftopwhenweoughttobepursuingLadyArmitage.Thequestionis,doweaimforTilburyorClacton-on-Sea?”
“Clacton,”Alexsaidwithouthesitation.“Bixbyisnotwitter.HisanalyticalabilityisoneofthereasonsIemployhim.”
“Thankyou,sir,”Bixbychided.
Alexgavehimawrysmile.“SetacourseforClacton.And,MissPettifer—”
“I’mcomingtoo.”
Hesighed,androlledhiseyes,thenturnedhissmileonher.Charlottesawitcoming,butfeltunconcerned.Afterall,shewasaPlim,andnothingdaunteda—
Thesmilestruckherwiththefullforceofitscrookedcharm.
Sparksflewthroughherbodyaseverynervefellintoutterdisarray.She’dforgottenshewasalsoaPettifer.Suddenlyshethoughtofhermotherurginghertohavea“conversation”withthisman,andhernervessizzledagain.Furiouswithherself,sheglaredatAlex.
Hissmilewidened.
“Allright,”hesaid.“IsupposeIwon’tmakeyouwalktheplank.Yet.”
IntheBritishMuseum’sGrenvilleLibrary,silencecrouchedlikeananxiouscuratorwhohadbeenthroughtoomanyfirealarmsthatweek.Itflashedhereandthereaslightcaughtonshardsofglassfromtheshattereddisplaycase.Itwaveredatitsedgesasmuseumpatronstalkedinthefoyerbeyond.Ifthesilencehadfingernails,itwouldbebitingthemaboutnow.
Theactualcuratordidnotfeelmuchbetter.Somefoolinadministrationhadthoughtcallingthepoliceaboutthestolenamuletwouldbeagoodidea,andnowthecuratorhadtostandsmilingintheworriedsilencewhileDetectiveInspectorCreeveexaminedthecrimescene
“Ifearwearewastingimportantpoliceresources,”hesaidfinally,thewordsburstingoutinneardesperationfornoise.“Thisisreallynotanythingforyoutobeconcernedwith.”
DICreeveglancedupfrombeneathapale,sparseeyebrow.Hishairwassolightandthinitseemedlikecobwebs.Hismouthwasspectral.Thelookhegavethecuratordidnotonlypiercebuttwistedonitswaythrough.
Thecuratorlaughedshakily.“Well,yes,Iknowtherewasatheft.Anddestructionofmuseumproperty.AndEustacedidgethisnosebrokenwhenthatoldladyhithimwithhercrutch.Butforthepublicityofficertohavecalledtheamulet‘gold’maybeconsideredaliberalinterpretationofthe…well,toputitexactly…truth.”
DICreevejustwentonwordlesslystaring.Thoseeyes,thoughtthecuratorwhilehisbreathcoweredandhisinstinctsranscreamingforanemergencyexit.Itwasn’tjustthattheywerethecolorofbone.Itwasthewaytheyassessedamanasiftheysaw…indeed,bone.Andsecrets,old,terriblesecretsamanbarelyevenknewhehad.Shufflingback,heknockedintoabustofThalia,whichresultedinamomentofchaoticfumblingthatwouldhavebeenamusingtorelatehadnotthepolicemanwatcheditimpassively,castingachilloverthescene.
“Black’samuletwas,ofcourse,animportanthistoricalartifact,”thecuratorsaidoncehehadthestatueandhiswitsstraightagain.“Weareupsetatitsloss.Butwhatcanyoudowhenpirateswanttotakesomething?”
“Itwasnotpirates,”DICreevesaid.
“Buttheywereeverywhere!WiththeirswordsandgunsandohmyGodtheirhats,nottomentionthesmiles…”Thecuratorshuddered.
“Thisistheworkofsomeoneevenmorenefarious.”Creevespokethewordasifitwerearichchocolatewithraspberryatitsheart,andhelickedhisthinwhitelipsafterward.
“Iassureyou,Detective,thatwehaveentertainednolawyershere.”
Creevedidnotrespondtothishilariousjoke.Hejuststood,staring.Thecuratorhadneverseenskinsplayedsoawkwardlyacrossfacialbonesbefore,norbeensodoubtfulofthelifeforcebehindit.Onedoesnotliketobelieveinghostswhenoneisahistorian,butthismanmenacedhisimaginationwiththepossibility.Manysecondslater,therewasaknockatthedoor,andthecuratorwrenchedhiseyestowardit.“Thatwillbethecleaners.”
“Letthemin,”Creevesaid.“Ihavefinishedmyinspectionandknowwhocommittedthiscrime.”
“Youdo?Goodness,howremarkablyclever.”Pleasegoawaynowandarrestthemandnevercomeback.“Whowasit?”
“Canyounotsmellher?”Creeveasked,andbegantosnifftheair.
“Um.”Thecuratorattemptedasniff,althoughitwasapatheticaffair,temperedbyembarrassment.Hecouldsmelloldwood,olderbooks,andbloodfromthepirates’melee.ButhedidnotthinkCreevewouldbeinterestedinhisolfactoryreport.Thepolicemanwasnosingthedustylightasifhungeredbyit.
“Bitterness,”Creevesaid,lickingthewordoutoftheair.“Heat.Fromangerorperhapspassion;redheat,burningawayallgoodsense.And—hm,lilac.Awitchwashere.”
Laughtershotfromthecurator’sthroat.Creevewentstill,andthecuratorhastilyturnedthelaughintoacough.“Awitch,”hesputtered.“Goodness,howdreadful!”
“Moredreadfulthanyoucanimagine.”Creevemovedhisstaretoabriefcaselyingamongsttheshatteredruinsofamarblebust,andforamomentteethappearedbetweenhislips,small,sharp,andhungry.“Awitchbornofsin,raisedinwickedness.Anabomination.”
“Ohdear,”thecuratormurmured,tuggingathisshirtcollar,whichsuddenlyseemedtootight.
“Theyareeverywhere,”Creevehissed.“Fingeringthesecretsofoursociety,plucking,stealing,stirringthingsup.Butthisoneinparticular—”Hesniffedtheairagain.“Thisoneistheirheart.Theirpromiseforthefuture.Couldtheyhavebeenmorestupid—andmorehelpful—markingitoutwithaprophecysoit’seasiertohuntdown?Fearnot,however.Ihavebeenwatching.SoonIwillbringitin.AndthenIwilldestroyit.”
“Butwestillwantitforourexhib—”ThecuratorblanchedasCreevelookedbackathim.“Oh,ofcourse.Youdon’tmeantheamulet,butthe—thewitch.”
Creeve’smouthsaggedwithdisdain.“Iseeyoudon’tunderstandtheseriousnessofthis.Nevermind.Iplantolightabonfirewhichwillilluminateyou.Which.Witch.Haha.”
“Haha,”saidthecurator.
Creevesniffedathim.Thenwalkingovertheshatteredglass,grindingitintosmallerpiecesbeneathhisbootheel,hedepartedtheroom.
“Uponmyword,”thecuratormutteredshakily,andhadtospendtherestofthemorningsittingdownwithseveralnicecupsoftea.
8LIFEINTHEFASTLANE—BARELYSPEAKING—THEPURSUERSAREHOT—ACUNNINGPLAN—CHARLOTTEISCHANGED—INTOTHELIGHT—SLOWBURN—CHARLOTTE’SHEARTDOESNOTSTAYCOOL—TWOHOUSES,BOTHALIKEINUNDIGNIFIEDBEHAVIOR—DISASTER!
Asthepirate’shouseflewtowardClacton-on-Sea,AlexandCharlottehadnoconversationtogether.Nointercourse(alas,inalldefinitionsoftheword)butwhatthecommonestcivilityrequired.
“Wouldyoulikeaseat?”heasked.
“Yes,please,”shereplied.
ThearmchairwasrestoredtoitsnormalpositionandCharlottepercheduponit,tryingtobalancebetweenrestandmakingaslittlecontactaspossiblewiththestainedsurface.Anuncomfortablesilencepassed,duringwhichAlexsteeredthehouseandCharlotteamusedherselfwithworryaboutwhathermotherwouldsaywhenshedidnotarrivehomebyevening.ShewasatthepointofimaginingMrs.PettiferinmostsatisfyinghystericswhenAlexremovedhiscoatandfoldedupthesleevesofhisshirt.
Charlottefoundherselfcaptivatedbythesight,asshe’dneverbeforeseenaman’snakedforearmsandwassurprisedtodiscoverthemmoreinterestingthanthoughtsofhermother.Darkhairshadowedthetannedskin;sleekmusclesshiftedwitheasymasculinepowerashemovedthewheel.Charlotterememberedthatarmaroundherwaistandimagineditthereonceagain,butunclothednowasitgrippedherfirmly,haulinghertowardwhatwasnotaclosetbutabed…
“Ahem!Ahem!”Sheclearedherthroatwithavigornecessitatedby—by—theeffectsofaltitude,or—yes!—allthedustintheroom.Soterriblydusty!
“Wouldyoulikesometea?”Alexasked.
“Yes,please,”shereplied.
Bixbywassummoned,teaandbiscuitswereprovided,andtheyflewoninasilencethatburnedallthewaythroughuncomfortableintoexcruciating.
“Wouldyoulikemetokissyouwhenwegetthechance?”Alexasked.
“TryandI’llslapyou,”shereplied.
“Yes,please,”hesaid,andgrinnedsidelongather.
Shelookedaway,nibblingabiscuitcontemptuously.
Thesilencebegantosteam.Charlotte,fanningherselfwiththeteasaucer,realizedAlexwaswatchingherreflectioninthewindow.“Stoplookingatmelikethat,”shesaid.
“Likewhat?”Heturned,lookedatherdirectly,hisgazesodeep,sointense,itmadeherfeelnaked.
“Likeyouwanttoeatme.”
Hislithe,sultrysmileleaped.Herbloodleapedinresponse.
Atthatopportunemoment,Bixbyreappeared,teatowelandgrenadeinhand.“Ibegyourpardon,sir.Thereisahousefollowingus.”
“Whoisit?”Alexasked,stillholdingCharlotteinthatunblinkinggaze.
“MurielFairweather,judgingfromtheyellowwallsandpinkcurtains.”
“Nodoubtshe’stakingachancethatfollowinguswillleadhertoArmitage.Ugh,theydon’tcallthatwomanFoxTerrierfornothing.”Heturnedfinally,glancingoutthewindow,allowingCharlottetobreatheagain.
“Actually,theycallherFuriousFairweather,”Bixbysaid.“AlsoFoulweather,Frightfeatherforsomeunknownreason,andMurieltheMad.Shehasnocaninenicknames.”
Alexfrownedslightly.“Areyousure?”
Bixby’ssilencewasaneloquentresponse.
“Well,inanycase,I’llbringhertoheel.”Hebeganunfurlinghissleeves,andCharlotteputhalfabiscuitintohermouthtoquellherdisappointment.“I’lljustjumpoverandtossasmokegrenadedownherchimney,thenwecangetonwithhotpursuit.”
“Hereyouare,sir,”Bixbysaid,andhandedoverthegrenadeasifthiswassomethingtheydidoften.“ButmayIsuggestasafermethodofdelivery?”
“Safer?”Alexlaughed.“Arewepiratesorw—”Hestopped,glancingatCharlotte.“Er…”
“No,dogoon,”shesaid,regardinghimwithcalminterest.“Iamkeentoknowwhatyouintendedtosay.‘Witches’or‘women’?”
Toherdelight,heflushed.“Nevermind,”hesaidgrumpily.“Bixby,takethewheel.I’mgoingupstairs.Thelasttimewetriedtolobagrenadefromthehouse,wemissed,andnearlyblewupaflockofsheepgrazingbelow.”
“Sir,”Bixbyargued,“Iknowyouareavegetarian,butthatdoesnotmeanyoushouldthrowyourselfofftheroof.”(Aficionadosofthepaleodietmaydisagree.)
“Thankyou,Daniel.”Ignoringthebutler’sexpressionofoffendeddignity,hebeganpullingonhiscoat.“I’llbefine.Besides,wehavenochoice.It’snotlikethere’sabicyclesittingaroundsoMissPettifercanpedaloverwiththebomb.”
Charlottecameatoncetoherfeet.Shedrewbreath—
“No,”saidthemeninunison.
“Butyouhavenotheardmeyet,”sherepliedreasonably.“IwillnotallowMissFairweathertointerferewiththeplanstorecovermyamulet.Intheabsenceofabicycle,Icanincantateacrosstothelady’spremises.”
“No,”Alexreiterated.Heputhishandonhisswordpommel,asifthatmightinanywayinfluenceher.Shelookedatthehand,thenupathisface,andblinkedwithabsoluteunconcern.Infact,sounconcernedwasshe,itpracticallyservedasadeclarationofwar.Alextookadeepbreathtocalmhimself.
“No.Onemissteporgustofwindandyou’dfall.Eighthundredfeet.ToagroundthatIcanassureyouisevenmoreunyieldingthanawitch’sopinion.”
“Iamnotafraidofalittleemptyair.”
“Youreallyshouldbe.”
“PerhapsMissPettifercouldlevitateyouinstead,sir,”Bixbysuggested.“Shewouldnotneedtoemergefromthehatchanyfartherthanshoulderheight,andwithmostofhersituatedontheladderinsidetheattic,shewouldbequitesafe.”
“Soweareagreed,”Charlottedeclared.
“No,wearenot,”Alexsaid.
“IshallrequireachangeofgarmentsifIamtoclimbaladder.”
“No.”
“Shirt.”
“No.”
“Trousers.”
“N—”Hestopped,aspeculativelookdarkeninghiseyes.“Well,perhapsitisagoodidea,Isuppose.Solongasyoustayontheladder.Bixby,dowestillhavethoseclothesbelongingtotheyoungViscountofSheffield?”
“Ibelieveso,sir.”
“FetchthemforMissPettifer.Shirt.Coat,ifthereisone.Trousers.”
“Ihavemyowncoat,”Charlottesaid.“IremoveditwhenIenteredyourpremises.”
Alexstaredatherunfocusedly.
“Comealong,miss,”Bixbysaid,gentlyplacinghishandatherelbow.“Bestnottomentionremovingclothestothecaptainjustnow.Letusseewhatisavailabletooutfityoumoreappropriatelyforshenanigans.”
Tenminuteslater,Charlottere-enteredthecockpit.Alexglancedaroundandnearlychokedonhisownbreath.Sheworeawhiteshirtthathadbeentuckedintotight-fittingblacktrousers,andwhileherlongcoatprotectedhimsomewhatfromtheprovokingsightofherhips,therewasnoreprievefromherthighsorherknee-highstuddedboots.Hehastilyturnedaway,wincingatthediscomposureherrevealedformcausedinhim.Nodoubtshewouldhavesmiledwithtriumphantironyhadshebeenaware.
“So,”hesaid,thenhadtopausetoclearhisthroat.“Areyoureadytocome—Imean—ohGod.”
“Youwishtopraybeforetheendeavor?”Charlotteinquired.
Helaughed,rubbinghiseyeandtemple,andsmiledsardonicallyoutthewindow.“No,butmypriesthadbettersetasideawholeafternoonsoontohearmyconfession.”
“You’reCatholic?”Shesoundedsurprised.“ACatholicpirate.”
“I’mIrish.BeingbothCatholicandapiratearealmostobligatory.”
Adjustinghisowntrousers,heturned,andfocuseddeterminedlyonherface.Thisdidnothelpmuch.Shehadtiedherhairbackatthenapeofherneck,butonestrandcurvedoverhercheek,stirringhimalmostasmuchastherevelationofherlegs.Howcouldawomanlooksoartlessandyetsosensualallatonce?Andhowwasamanexpectedtoproperlybreatheinthesameroomasher?
She’sawitch,heremindedhimself.
Awitchwithgorgeouslips,solushbeneathhis…
Witch.Enemy.Briefcasethief.
Andthewayshecankickamanwiththosefierceboots…
Heclenchedhisjaw.ThiswomanwasnodifferentfromDeirdreRiordan—beesatherwrist,ruthlessmagicinherheart.AndlikeDeirdre,shewouldhurthim,noquestion.Hell,shealreadyhad.Hewasgoingtohavebruisesonhislegwhereshe’dkickedhim,andthatwasnothingcomparedtothediscomforthecurrentlyenduredinhiscrotch.
“Ohyes,”shesaid,hervoicelikevelvetagainsthisgrittythoughts.“Thisisyours.”
Shebroughtsomethingfromhercoatpocket,helditout.Alexextendedahandautomaticallyandshedroppedhisrubyringintoit.
Hestaredatthering,feelingutterlyblindsided.Kindnesswasthelastthinghehadexpectedfromthiswoman—oranyone,ever.Somethingpainfulleapedinhisheart.Theringwasstillwarmfromhavinglainbetweenherbreasts;slippingitonhisthumb,hetookarathershakybreath.
“Thankyou,”hesaid,surprisinghimselfwiththewords.“Thisisparticularlyprecioustome.”
Sheshrugged.“Itwouldn’tbuymuchfortheorphans,”shesaid,buthethoughtheheardanapologybeneaththewords.Suddenlyheneededtherestraintofeverymoralfiberhepossessedtostophimselffromtakingthewickedlittlewitchinhisarmsandkissingher,feudbedamned.
Buthesawtheshadowinhereyes,andrealizedsheprobablyfeltvulnerableinthemasculineclothes.Andsincehewasn’tthecompletecadhewasreputedtobe,hegentledhissmile.“Readytogo?”
Charlottelookeddownatherself.“Hm,let’ssee.Ihaveabesomfullofweaponsinmypocket;Ifoundmygun,sothat’stuckedintomystudded,poisonousboots;I’mthoroughlytrainedincombatmagic;andImoisturizedthismorning.”Shewithdrewhersunglassesfromacoatpocketandputthemon.“I’mready.”
Alexswalloweddryly.“Er,good.Bixby!”
Thebutlerappearedatonceinthedoorway.“Yes,sir?”
“We’regoingup.Youhavethehelm.”
“Verygood,sir.”
“Hmm.GetusalongsideFairweather’shouseandkeepusthereuntilIgivetheallclear.”TurningtoCharlotte,hegrinned.“Tallyho!”
Shetippedthesunglassesuptofrownathim.“Isthatsomekindofinsult?Idemandan—”
Alexrolledhiseyesand,steppingcloser,clappedhishandoverhermouth.Sheglaredathimabovehisfingers,herowneyesahot,flashingstorm.Lookingatthem,heratherthoughtthatwaswhyhehaddoneit.“ItmeansLet’sgo.”
“Mphm,”shesaid.Helaughed,releasingher.Shejammedthesunglassesbackdownandmarchedfuriouslyfromthecockpit—thenstopped,foottappingagainstthefloor,waitingforhimtocatchupandshowherwhichwaytogo.
Behindthem,Bixbyalmostcertainlydidnotsnicker,althoughitsoundedagreatdealasifhedid.
Charlottefollowedthepirateupthroughdustyatticdarknessintothewildlight.Alexpushedopenthehatchandhauledhimselfofftheladdertotheroof;sheemergedmorecarefully.Withherfeetseveralrungsintoshadowsandherfaceliftedtothesun,shethoughthowmetaphoricalamomentitwas—andthenshestoppedthinkingatall.Thesky,sovast,filledherwithitsfierce,coolemptiness.ThewayAlexwalkedtheridgelineasifhewerewalkingaparlorfloorcaptivatedherpulse.
“Staythere,”hecalledoverhisshoulder.
Thewindwhippedhiswordslikearedflag.“Iwill,”shesaid,butknewitforalie.Ridingabicycleupoverbuildingshadbeentoouncertainaventuretoenjoyatthetime,buteversince,she’dfeltheavy,slow,asifherbodywasmeantforflyingandshe’djustneverrealizedbefore.Shesteadiedherhandsontherooftopand,climbingthelastfewladderrungs,satontheedgeofthehatch.
Herspiritflungoutitsarmsandlaughed.Heractualbody,rigidwiththeposturedrilledintoherfromearliestchildhood,satquietlyanduseditspropergoodsensetoclutchtherooftiles.ButCharlotteknewinherheartshewasruined.Justlikethat,betweenanatticandarooftop:utterlyruinedforgenteellife.Allherdreamsofruralpeacecollapsed.Tositintheshadeonafinedayandlookuponverdurewasnotthemostperfectrefreshmentafterall.Tobreathethewildbluewindwassomuchbetter!
Nowonderpiratesalwaysseemedsosatisfied—whichCharlottewaslearningmeantsomethingquitedifferentfromself-satisfied,thewitch’sgroundstateofbeing.EverythinginherlongedtoriseupandrunafterCaptainO’Riley,whostoodwithhisbootedfeetsetapartontheridgelineashewatchedMissFairweather’shousegrownearer.Hewassosteadyhemighthavebeenanchoredtherebymagic.Charlottefoundherselfmoving,drawnunthinkingtowardhim,andscoldedherselfbackintosubmission.Evenwhensittingonapirate’sroof—orperhapsespeciallywhen—aladymustmaintainherproperdeportment.
GentlythecottageveereduntilitwaseasingalongsideMissFairweather’sgarishtownhouse.Alexswayedalittleattheshiftofangle.Withhislongblackcoatandblack-sheathedsword,sunlightflashingonthesilverdanglingfromhisearandthevariousknivesstrappedabouthisperson,helookedcasuallydangerous.Hedidnotsay“Ahoy!”buthesmiledit,asmileofcrookednessandcontentment.Clearly,stayingalivewaslessinterestingtohimthanall-outliving.Charlotterealizedhewasn’tgoingtowaitforhertosafelyincantatehimbetweenrooftops.Themomentthehousesaligned,hewasjumping.
Andifhefell—
Sheshookherheadatthethought.Hemustnotfall.Ifonlybecauseshe’dneverconvincehisbutlertoflyoninpursuitofLadyArmitage.
Besides,shewasaseventh-generationwitchandtheProphesizedOnewhowouldnextleadtheWickenLeague.Shecouldeasilykeephimsafe.
Hewouldnotfall.Breathe,Charlotte.
Hiscoatbillowedaroundhimashetookthegrenadefromhispocketandtosseditup,caughtit,restless.Heglancedatherandwinked.
Herheartwinkedback.
Shebeganmuttering.Magicawoke,sparkingagainstwords,sendingtrailsofheatalonghernerves.Charlottefrowned.
Somethingfeltwrong.
Suddenly,Alexleaped.Allthethoughtsinherheadseemedtogowithhim;blank,sheincantatedbyhabitalone.Helandedwitheaseandbeganrunninguptherooftowarditsridgelineasifhecouldoutracegravity.Wouldhermagicreachacrossthedistancetohim?Worried,Charlotteremovedhersunglassestoseemoresurely.Sheincantatedinaloudervoice.Windshookthroughthesound,shookherawareness,makingherrealizeshe’dsomehowgottoherfeetandwasstandingonthecottageroof,anchoredonlybymagic.Herheartleapedlikeapirate.
Sheswayed,handsreachingoutasifshecouldgraspholdofthewindtosteadyherself.Magicwhippedinsideherinawayitneverhadbefore,rowdy,messy…
Exhilarating.
Shelaughed.
Thesoundshockedher.Awitchoughtnotlaughwhenrecitingtheincantation.Magicwasnotfun.Itshouldn’tdelight,nordisturb,nortugatinstinctsdeepandsecretinsideheruntilshefeltlikedancing.CharlottetoldherselfsternlytogetbackontotheladderwhereshecouldbesafeandfocusherthoughtsonprotectingCaptainO’Riley.Thatwasthesensiblethingtodo.Andnoonewasmoresensiblethanawitch.
Shenoddedinagreementwithherself.
Andbegantowalktowardthechimneyatthefarendoftheroof.
Ontheotherhouse,Alexhadreacheditschimneyandwasdroppinginthegrenade.Charlottewatchedhimfromthecornerofhereye.Smokeeruptedfromthechimneyandheturnedtorunback.Inthatmoment,hesawher.
Hestopped,hisbodyteeteringonthenarrowridge.“Whatthehelldoyouthinkyou’redoing?”heyelled.
Charlotteputafingeragainstherlipstoshushhimasshecontinuedtomuttertheincantation.TheladiesoftheWickenLeaguewouldbeaghastiftheysawher.Butthoseladieswerenotpresent.AndElizabethBennethadnothingtosay,sincenotevenexploringtheroomsofPemberleyequatedtosuchadaringperambulation.Charlottewasaloneand
“Goddamnidiot!”
Fromthecornerofhereye,shesawAlexrunningtoleapbackontohisownhouse.Nodoubtheintendedtochastiseher,butshedidnotcare.Afterall,shewasagrownwoman,capable,intelligent,andmature.Hewasnotthebossofher.
She’djustreachedthechimneywhenhecaughtuptoher.Sheturned,alittleunsteady,andhegraspedherarms,pushingherbackagainstthebrickcolumnasifthatmightsaveherfromplummetingintothedepthsofawaywardenchantment.Shestaredupathim,half-drunkonmagicandwantingtofly.
Goodheavensbuthewasgorgeous.Thoseblack-lashedeyesreflectingthevast,baresky…thatmouthmorealluringthananythingshe’denvisionedonMr.Darcy…
SuddenlyCharlottefoundherselfwishingthey’dletherreadMadameBovary
Alexdrewabreathasiftochastiseher.Shesmiled,daringhim.
Andthenhekissedher.
Andshediscoveredtherewasamagicbeyondwords.
Shehadsupposedhewouldtakeherinthewayofarogue,capturingherbodyandplunderinghermouthanddoingotherthingsdescribedwithequallypiraticmetaphorsuntilshewasrobbedofallgoodsense.Buthewasastonishinglygentle.Hismouthlaysoftonhers,tentative,wishing.Hisstubblewaslikeahundredtinykissesagainstherskin.Everynerveinherbodybegantosing.
Anaria.Fromagrandopera.Withmagnificentcostumes,anentireorchestra,andflowerstossedontothestage.
Andyet,shewantedmore—wantedsomethingforceful,soshecouldbesureofwhatwashappening,andhowshemustreact.Hewouldnotgiveittoher.Hebrushedherlipswithsuchalighttouchthatshealmostsobbedwithyearning.Liftingonhertoes,shepressedagainsthim,handsclutchinginhiswindswepthair,tryingtopullhimintopassion.Thiswasnotanythingclosetoladylikebehavior,andJaneAustenwouldhaverippeditoutofhernotebookandthrownitaway,butCharlottecouldnotseemtohelpherself.Thewindwastoblame—ormagic—orthepirate’saggravatingnature.
Herespondedwithasmile,andflickedherlipswithhisquick,devilishtongue.Thefiend!Thiswasoutrageous!Hewaskissingher,andyet—notquite.Hewascoaxingaflameinherandthenblowingitout,overandagain,untilthesingingalonghernervesreachedsuchapitchitwouldhaveshatteredglass,hadanybeeninthevicinity.
Heshiftedbackaninch,leavingherbereft,andanold,achinglonelinessrushedintothespacebetweenthem.Charlottecouldnotbearit.Shemovedtowardhim,andheallowedtheirlipstotouchgently,desperatelybriefly,beforeshiftingbackagain.Hissmiletippedlikeahook.Shewantedittopierceher,wantedkissesandsighsandhisbare
Charlotterealizedthenitwasagame,likethebriefcasehadbeen.Sheconsideredreachingforthebesominherpocketsoastoholdhimatrapierpointuntilhedamnedwellravishedher.Butifhewantedtoplay,shecouldplay.Shecouldbeflirtatious.Bookswentthatfar,atleast:Mr.TilneyhadflirtedwithCatherineMorlandinNorthangerAbbey,andsherecollectedthewayofitperfectlywell.Shegaveonesmirkandbegantoturnherheadasifshehadlostallinterestinthisirrationalkissingventure—
Suddenly,Alexsurrendered.Catchingherfaceinhishands,hekissedherwithapassionthatutterlyengulfedhersenses.Foroneexcitingmomentshethoughtshemightcombust.Smokeswirledaroundthem—granted,fromtheFairweatherchimney,butitwasstillconvenientlymetaphorical.Charlotte’skneestrembled,andshegraspedatthepirate’scoat,arms,anythingshecould,tokeepherselffromtumbling.Hepushedherbackagainstthechimneyagain,hisbodypressingtohers,trappingherbetweenarockandahardplace.Inthatmomentshediscoveredwhataninadequateeducationstatueshadbeen.ThatwhichshefeltthroughAlex’strouserswasn’tsomuchastorminateacupasateapot—asamovar,even—andthethunderwasinherblood.
Thewholeworldthundered.
Andthenshuddered.
Theypulledapart,theireyesglazedwithpassion,realizingamomenttoolatethatsomethingwaswrong.TheFairweatherhousehadcollidedwithAlex’scottage.Itjerkedaway,thenbackagain,bricksmashingagainststonewithascreechingcrash.
“Hell!”Alexswore,wrappinghisarmsaroundCharlotteinfutileprotection.Thecottagerockedviolently,tippedtoport,andbeforeeithercouldthinkofwhattodotheywerethrownofftheroof.
9EVERYTHINGTURNSTOCUSTARD—AHORDEOFBARBARIANS—WITCHESEXPLAINTHATWITCHESDONOTEXIST—CECILIACREATESANEXPLOSION—THEDIFFERENCEBETWEENPIRATESANDWITCHES
Ifthereisanythingdisagreeablegoingon,mothersarealwayssuretogetintoit—evenwhenatseveralmiles’distance.Mrs.Pettifer,sittingtoafternoonteawithMissPlim,joltedsuddenlyinherchair.Theteashehadbeenabouttosipshookinitscup,andshesetitdowninthesaucerwithaslightclinkthatimmediatelyalertedMissPlimto
“Whatisit,Delphine?”shedemanded,peeringovertherimofherspectacles.“Youlookasifyou’veseenaghost.”
“It’sLottie,”Mrs.Pettifergasped.“Ohmydeargirl.”Shepressedahandagainstherpearl-swathedbosom,inwhichherheartwassufferingtremorsofanxiety(ortoomuchtea).
“WhataboutCharlotte?”MissPlimaskedimpatiently.
“Ifear—Oh,Judith,Ifearshewentforththismorningwithoutaparasol,andthatshewillcomehomemostdreadfullysuntanned!”
“Nonsense,”MissPlimdeclared.SheproceededwiththecustardslicefromwhichMrs.Pettiferhaddistractedher.“Charlotteisfartoosensibletotan.NeverinallmylifehaveIknownagirlmorecautiousandcircumspect.Shewillstayoutoftheweather,youmarkmywords.”
“Perhapsyouareright.”Mrs.Pettifersighed,thenmurmuredashortphrase.Ashawlfloatedacrossfromthesofatoheroutstretchedhand;Mrs.Pettiferwrappeditaroundherselfcomfortingly.“Lottieisdown-to-earth,”shesaid,tryingtoconvinceherself.“Andsheisanadult,Imustremember.Shecanbetrustednottobeflighty,andtokeepintheshade.AlthoughImustconfess,Ithoughtshewouldbehomebynow.”Shesighedagain,toMissPlim’saggravation.“Nodoubtshehastakenupwithoneofherjollyfriendsandlosttrackofthetime.”
MissPlimalmostchokedoncustardslice.Shedidnotknowwhatwasmoreamusing—theideathatCharlottehadfriends,orthatMrs.Pettiferactuallybelievedit.Unfortunately,theopportunitytomockhersisterwaslostasatthatmomentWoolleryappeared.
“AMissBassingthwaiteisatthedoor,madam,”heannounced.
“Goodheavens!”Mrs.Pettiferejaculatedinastonishment.MissPlimactuallychokedoncustardslice.“Aflyingbicyclistcometovisit!Theshame!”
“AndCaptainLightbourne,”Woollerycontinued.
“NottheDreadedLightbourneofLeeds?I’veheardhethrewhisownhouseoffacliffbecausehedidn’tlikethewallpaperanymore!Pirates,Judith,atourverydoor!Quick,hidethesilver!”
Alas,MissPlim,busilyengagedwithsmackingherselfonthechestandtryingtobreathe,leftthesilvertoitsdoom.
ButWoolleryhadnotfinished.“Also,Mrs.Rotunder.”
“No!”Mrs.Pettifergasped.“RevoltingRotunder!Arewegoners,Judith?”
Theonlyreplyshegotwasawordless,wheezingcough.
“AndMissConstantinoplaBrown,madam.”
Mrs.Pettiferfrowned.“Who?”
AfragmentofpatisserieshotacrosstheroomandsplattedagainstWoollery’sface.Heblinked.“ShallIsayyouarenotathome,madam?”heaskedashalf-digestedcustarddrippedfromhischeek.
“Gracious,no,”Mrs.Pettifersaid,morealarmedthanever.“Thatwouldberude.Letthebarbariansin.”
Thebutlerturnedtoperformthistask.
“Wait!Woollery!”Mrs.Pettiferrecalledhimurgently.Heturnedback,inexpressive.“Bringmoreteaforourguests.Andcake.”
“Madam,”heintoned,anddeparted.Mrs.Pettiferlookedpale-facedathersister.
“Whatadisaster.Fourvisitorsandnotenoughteatoofferthem!ThankheavensIrememberedintime!”
“Hmhgh,”MissPlimreplied,reachingforaglassofwater.Herlifehadflashedbeforehereyeswhileshewasdyingfromcustard,andalthoughithadbeenentirelysatisfactory,sherealizedtherewasstillmuchtodotoimprovethelivesofothersaroundher.ButbeforeshecouldembarkuponhelpingMrs.Pettiferbymeansofalengthycorrectivelecture,thevisitorsentered.
Mrs.Pettiferrosegraciouslytowelcomethem(andcheckhersixteenth-centurygoldengoosestatuettewassafelyoutoftheirreach).Mrs.Rotunder,adistinguishedmatroninpurple(andred,green,lavender)swoopedintotheroominamannerthatwouldhavemadeevenagrandduchessfeelgauche.BehindhercameConstantinoplaBrown,bedeckedinlaceandribbons.Sheinturnwasfollowedbyapretty,red-hairedwoman,thenamaninsuchaghastlywaistcoatMrs.Pettifer’spolitesmilesaggedsomewhat.
“Suchanunusualpleasuretobevisitedbymembersofthepiraticcommunity,”shelied.“Willyousitdown?”Afterall,thechairscouldeasilybereupholstered.Andifthepirateswereseated,theycouldnotbestealing.
(Infact,CeciliaBassingthwaitepocketedagoldpenshefoundonasidetableandMrs.Rotundersurreptitiouslytorethebraidingoffthecushionsetatherback,repurposingitlaterasahattrim.)
ThepiratesarrangedthemselvesonthesofasandMrs.Pettiferangledherchairtofacethem.MissPlim,however,wouldnotcomeoutfrombehindthetieredcakeplate.“Sister,dear,”Mrs.Pettifersaidthroughhersmile,“won’tyousayhellotoourcompany?”
“Imostcertainlywillnot,”repliedMissPlim,forwhomsocialgracesweresomethingthathappenedtootherpeople.“NeverinmylifecouldIhaveimaginedpiratesinthehouseofanallegedwitch.”
“Witchesdonotexist,dear,”Mrs.Pettifersaid,thesmiletightening.
“Hence‘alleged,’dear,”MissPlimsnapped,andsetaboutmaulinganewcustardslicewithafork.
Thepiratesglancednervouslyateachother.Theyknewtroublewhentheysawit.MissBassingthwaitesatforwardalittle,attemptingtoeasethetension.“IdonotentirelyunderstandthefeudbetweentheWickenLeagueandtheWisteriaSociety,”shesaid.“Surelypiratesand—er,allegedwitchesaremuchthesame?”
Shemightaswellhavetossedabombintotheroom.Withonesentenceshemanagedtooffendbothparties.Eyebrowslifted,mouthspinched,bosomsheaved.CaptainLightbourne,wincing,pressedathumbknuckleagainsthisforehead.
“Cecilia,”Mrs.Rotundermurmuredthroughclenchedteeth,“youaretooyoungtounderstand.”
“I’myoungerthanher,”Constantinoplainterjected,“andIunderstand.AndTom…ohTom,mybeloved,whathasbecomeofyou?…Hewouldunderstandtoo.”Sheproducedagreatshudderingsigh.
“TomEamesisapirate,”CaptainLightbourneexplainedtoMrs.Pettifer,andgavehersuchawinningsmile,sheblushed.“Wehavecometodiscusswithyouhiskidnapping.”
“Witchesarenothinglikepirates,”MissPlimsaidfrombehindthecakes.“TheyareBerylBlack’struedescendantsandusetheincantationasitwasintended.”
“Bethatasitmay—”CaptainLightbournebegan.
“BlackBeryl’sfirstuseoftheincantationwastoflyahutbacktoEngland,”Mrs.Rotundersaid.“Thereforepirateshavethecorrectusageofmagic.”
“Ifwecouldjustfocuson—”CaptainLightbourneattempted.
“Witches,”MissPlimsaid,risingfromherchair,“aresubtle.”
“Pirateshaveimagination,”Mrs.Rotundercountered,hatfeathersshivering.
“Witchesarenotthieves,”MissPlimsaid.
“Youstealthingsallthetime!”Constantinoplaargued,gaspingwithindignation.
“Weredistributewealth,”MissPlimexplained.
Mrs.Rotunderhuffedalaugh.“Redistributeintoyourownpurses.”
“Thatisforthegoodofsociety,dear,”Mrs.Pettiferexplained,smilingsweetly.“Afterall,nooneishappyunlessawitchishappy.Allegedwitch.Goodness,whereisthetea?”
“Witchesswindle,”Mrs.Rotundersaid,diggingherheelsinmetaphoricallyand,alasforthePettifers’expensiveOrientalrug,literallyalso.
MissPlimdirectedherforklikeadaggertowardthepiratelady.“Wecreativelyencouragebehavior.Pirateswrecklives.”
“Witchesinterfere.”
“Pirates—”
“Witches—”
Theyspokeovereachotherinanexcessofindignation,althoughtheyactuallysaidthesamething:“—arethelowestofallscoundrels!”
Theairseemedtoringwithundrawnswords,unthrownvases.CaptainLightbournespokequicklybeforesomeonesaidordidsomethingthatbroughtwartoLondon,oratleasttothePettiferdrawingroom
“Itistruethetwocommunitiesarenotexactlysimpatico—”
Everyonestaredathiminbewilderment.
“Sympathetic,”heclarified.
“Ahyes,CaptainLightbourneishalfItalian,”Mrs.Rotundersaidinthesamewayoneexplainsthatapersonhasfungalinfections.
“Mr.PettiferishalfFrench,”Mrs.Pettifersaid,andthesighshegavemadeeveryoneshiftuncomfortablyintheirseats.
Ceciliaclearedherthroat.“Nedistryingtosaythat,althoughourcommunitiesdonotallagreeon…well,anything,weneverthelesshavesomethingincommonnow.”
“Andwhatisthat,praytell?”MissPlimasked,clearlyoffendedbytheveryidea.
“Asyouknow,Beryl’samulethasbeenstolen—”
CutlerycrashedasMrs.PettiferandMissPlimbothgraspedthetableinhorror.“Stolen?”theychorused.
Cecilia,growingpale,statedtheobvious:“Youdon’tknow.”
“Wewereattemptingtofeedorphansallday,butcouldnotfindthelittleblighters,”MissPlimexplained.“Wehavenotbeentothemuseum.”
“TheamuletwasstolenbyLadyArmitage,”Ceciliasaid.
“No!”Constantinoplacried,flappingahandkerchiefdramatically.“LadyArmitagestoleTom,whowasholdingtheamulet.”
“What?Why?”Mrs.Pettiferreeledfromshocktoconfusion.
MissPlimgroundwhatremainedofhercustardsliceintoagrittypuddle.“Itwouldbebadenoughanypiraterunningoffwithouramulet,”shesaid,“butArmitageembodiespureevil.Suchpowerinherhandscouldprovecatastrophic.SheistheWisteriaSociety’sresponsibility—youmuststopher!”
Thevisitorslookedgrim.“Thatistrue,”Nedagreed.“However,notonlyhasBeryl’samulet(alongwithTom)beenstolen.Thedifficultyweallshareisthatamalepiratehasflownoffwithanallegedwitch.”
Thesistersgasped.
“Nowitchwouldkeepcompanywithapirate,”MissPlimaverred.
“Surelynonewouldbesoincautious,socarelessofherreputation,andmorethanthat,sodismissiveofherfamily’sreputation,”Mrs.Pettiferagreed.“Yourinformationmustbewrong,Captain.Iappreciateyoudon’tunderstandoursociety,sinceyouareofthepiraticinclinationyourself.ButIknowofnowitch,allegedorotherwise,whowoulddosuchathing!”
“Itwasyourdaughter.”
Mrs.Pettiferwouldhaveswooned,butMissPlimhastilymutteredwordsfromtheincantationtokeepherupright.
“Ibegyourpardon,Mrs.Pettifer,bringingyousuchtidings,”Nedcontinued.“ButseveralwitnessesconfirmMissPettiferenteredthepremisesofAlexanderO’Riley,anIrishpirateofill-repute,andremainedonboardasitflewaway.”
“Atleastheisofill-repute,”Mrs.Pettifersaidweaklyasshegraspedforacupoftea.Ned,frowningalittleinconfusion,glancedatCecilia,whoshrugged.Butbeforehecouldspeakfurther,MissPlimclearedherthroatwithwhatwasanattitudeofeitherauthorityorobnoxiousness,dependingonwhoheardit.
“ClearlyCharlottehaskidnappedCaptainO’Rileyandforcedhimtopursuetheamulet.”
“Notatall,”Mrs.Rotundersaidtightly.“ClearlyCaptainO’RileyhaskidnappedMissPettifer.”
“Sheistoopowerfultosuccumbtokidnapping.”
“Heistoorudetobekidnapped.”
Ceciliafrowneddelicately.“EveryindicationpointstoMissPettiferhavingenteredthehousewillingly,andweallknowifCaptainO’Rileydidnotwanthertherehe’dhaveexpelledher.”
Thetwoolderladiesexchangedalookthatwouldhavebeenaskirmishhadtheypossessedfewermanners(andlesscumbersomeclothing).Eventually,bothblinked.“Someonekidnappedsomeone!”theyinsisted,theirvoicesmerginginreluctantalliance.
“But—”Ceciliabegan.
“Anunmarriedwomanhasabscondedwithabachelor,”Mrs.Rotunderexplainedintheslow,carefullyenunciatedmannerthatseemsdesirousofpromotingcomprehensionbutsuggestsitslistenerisincapableofsuchathing.“Thishasoccurredinpublicview.Underordinarycircumstances,amarriagewouldberequired.Butclearlyapiratecannotmarryawitch!Kidnappingisafarmorepalatablescenario.”
“Iconcur,”MissPlimsaid.“TheideaofCharlottemarryingany—er,thatmanisnottobeentertained!”
“Well…”Mrs.Pettifersaid,havingbeenfortifiedbytea.“Itactuallymightbeentertaining.”ShecaughtMissPlim’sscowlinmuchthesamewayapersoncatchesaprimedgrenade,andhastilyadded,“Butofcourseitisentirelywrong.Abysmal.Insupportable.Evenifthecaptainisaveryhandsomegentleman.”
“Hmm,”Nedmurmured,inlieuofmentioningalltheotherthingsAlexO’Rileywas.
“IhaveonlymetMissPettiferbriefly,”Ceciliasaid.“ButitseemstomesheandCaptainO’Rileywouldbewellsuited.”
Herobservationcastachilloverthegatheredcompany.EvenWoolleryarrivingwithteaandcakereinforcementsdidnotdispelthemood.NedthrewCeciliaanexceedinglymarriedlook.
“Imagineiftheywed,”Mrs.Rotundersaid.“Alltheopportunitiesitwouldofferforgoodwillbetweenourtwosocieties!”
Everyoneshuddered.
“Charlottemustberetrieved,”MissPlimdeclared,smackingherhandagainsttheteatable,“beforetheperfectlylovelyfeudwehaveenjoyedthesepasttwohundredyearsisruined.”
“CaptainO’Rileymustbecensured,”Mrs.Rotunderadded.“Andalsomadetopainthiswindowsills,butthatisperhapslessurgent.”
“Furthermore,theamuletmustberecoveredfromthatghastlyLadyArmitagebeforeshecanmakeamesswithit,”Mrs.Pettifersaid.
“AndTommustberescued!”Constantinoplacried—althoughbythistimeeveryonehadbecomeoccupiedwithteacupsandslicesofgingercake,soheradditionwentunnoticed.
Mrs.Rotundersatforwardinherseat,teacupheldlikeasacredobjectbeforeher.“Iunderstandthatyou,MissPlim,arenottheleaderofanonexistentleagueofallegedwitches.Inthisnon-capacityIassumeyoudonothavetheauthoritytospeakforthoseotherswhoarenotinthehypotheticalleague?”
“No,”MissPlimagreed.
Mrs.Rotundernodded.“Excellent.AsamemberoftheWisteriaSociety,Iamtakingituponmyself,withnojurisdictionwhatsoever,toapproachyouandsuggestourtwosocietiescallatemporarytruce,andcombineforcesinordertohuntdown”—shepausedatastartledlookfromMrs.Pettifer—“er,Imeanascertainthelocationofthetwofly-aways,andrestorethemtotheirproperspheres.”
“AndrescueTom!”Constantinoplaaddedvehemently.
“Ofcourse,dear,”Mrs.Rotundersaid,smilingather.Sheturnedbacktotheadults.“Andretrievetheamulet.”
“Atemporarytruceintheinterestofpreservingthefeudseemslikeasensibleidea,”MissPlimsaid.“IwouldauthorizeitifIwasinapositionofpoweroveragroupofwitches.”
“IthinkI’mgettingaheadache,”NedmurmuredtoCecilia.
“Sh,”shewhispered,tryingnottosmile,andtheysharedaglancethatMissPlim,happeningtonotice,feltgothroughherlikesunshine.Shegrimacedwithdisgust.
“Andsoweareagreed,”Mrs.Rotunderdeclared.“Thisisnotaromance;itisacautionarytale.”Shechuckledinthetoneofaninterferingoldwoman,whichisevenmorechillingthanthatofapirate.“Partingthosetwoshallbesweet,evenifitcausesthemsorrow.IshalllettheSocietyknowourplan,andbeintouchwithyouagainregardingdetails.Ifwemanagethistrucecarefully,itshouldleadtoaswiftreturnofhostilities.”
Shequaffedteathenstood,aravagedcushiondroppingdownbehindher.Fortunately(orunfortunately,dependingonwhoseperspectiveyoufavor),Mrs.PettiferwastoodistressedaboutCharlottetonotice.Thepiratemavensnappedherfingersattheothers.“Tallyho!”
Theyoungerpiratesrosetogo.Butafternodsandmurmuredfarewells,suddenlyMrs.PettifersteppedforwardandcaughtCecilia’sarm.
“Please,”shesaid,hervoicealmostquavering.“MyLottieisafragilegirl,tenderofheartandsensitiveofspirit.WillshebesafewiththisCaptainO’Riley?”
“I’msureshewill,”Ceciliasaid,discreetlyputtingawaythedaggershehadinstinctivelydrawn.Outofkindness,sherefrainedfrommentioningthatperhapsCaptainO’Rileywastheonewhoshouldbecautious.CharlottePettiferhadseemedfierceenoughtooveraweapirate,nomatterhowbigandscaryhemightbe.
“Youneedn’tworry,”NedaddedwithasmilethateasedMrs.Pettifer’sheart,despitehiswaistcoat.“I’veknownAlexO’Rileyforyears.He’sablighterandarogue,withnorespectforanyruleandnoconsiderationofmanners…indeed,heoncerobbedthePrincessRoyalwhilewearingnothingbutabathrobe…andwhensomeoneaccusedhimofburningdownthreepolicestationsinIrelandhethreatenedtoshootthembecauseinfactitwasfour…thenthere’shishabitof—”
“Ahem,”Ceciliainterruptedquietly,havingnoticedtheincreasingpallorofMrs.Pettifer’sface.
“Er,yes,well.”Nedgrimacedanapology.“That’salltosayheisultimatelyagoodman.Restassured,madam.IamabsolutelycertainnoharmwillbefallMissPettifer.”
10AFALLENWOMAN—INMOREWAYSTHANONE—AREMEDYFORPNEUMONIA—ALEXISSWEPTOFFHISFEET—THEYAGREETODISAGREE—SAVAGESLIPPERS—AFISHYSTRANGER—THEYDONOTRACEFORIT
Fallingoffaroofhundredsoffeetabovethegroundiscertainlythefinestbalmforthepangsofdisputatiouslust.AsCharlotteplummetedtowardtheground,stilllockedinAlex’sarms,sherecollectedMissPlim’swarningthatkissingamanwasbadforone’shealth.Terrorflashedthroughherentirebody.Buthermind,welltrainedformesseslikespilledtea,conservativegovernments,andtumblingtowardone’sdeath,reactedcalmly.Shewasspeakingtheincantationbeforesheevenrealizedit.
Atonce,theirdescentslowed.Addingthemomentumautomatica,Charlottewasabletosettleherpulse(andappreciatejusthowconvenienttrouserswereinanupdraft).
“Youmighthavespokenquicker,”Alexsaid.“I’mdizzynow.”
“Icanalwaysletyougo,”shereplied.“Smashingintothegroundwouldundoubtedlycureyourvertigo.”
“No,that’sfine,thanks.Besides,betterlatethannever,Isuppose.”
“You’rewelcome.”
“We’restillgoingalittlefast,though.”
“Anyslowerandablackbirdwillnestinyourhair.”
“Andbecarefulofgusts.”
“IknowwhatI’mdoing.”Shewincedasaspeckofrainfellonhereyelid.“Womenofsense,whateveryoumaychoosetosay,donotwantmenthinkingthemsilly.”
“ThelastwordIwoulduseforyou,MissPettifer,is‘silly.’?”
“Besides,thisisallyourfault.Ifyouhadn’ttriedtoseduceme,wewouldhavebeenpreparedforthecollision.”
“Tried?”herepeated,scoffing.“Madam,consideringhowpassionatelyyouwerekissingmeback,IthinkIsucceededquitewellinseducingyou.”
Shegasped.“Rudeman!Ifweweren’tairborne,Iwouldkickyouinthe—er,Icannotmentionwhere,butyoumaybesureitwouldhurt.”
Hiseyesblazedhungrily.Hisface,frecklingwithraindrops,seemedtosparkle.“Ifweweren’tairborne,thethingsI’dbedoingtoyouwouldbeveryrudeindeed.”
“Uponmyword,youaretheworstkindofscoundrel!”
“Beingcalledascoundrelbyatermagantisarathercomfortablecompliment.”
“Termagant?!”
“Betterthan‘silly,’yes?Watchoutforthelake.”
“We’renowherenearthelake.”
“It’srightbeneathus.”
“Nonsense.”
“Veerstarboard!”
“What?”
“Right!No,otherright.Thatway!”
Splash
InvainCharlottestruggled,butitwouldnotdo.Hereffortstoswimoutofthelakewererepressedbytheweightofhercoat.ShecametowardAlexinanagitatedmanner,kickinglegsthat,bootedastheywere,didmoretodragherdownthankeepherswimming.“Youmustallowmetohelpyou,”heinsistedardently,andatlastsecuredheragreement—andherperson,whichhepulledashore.
Ashebroughthertosafety,Alexfeltarushofpleasure.Notoftendidapirategetthechancetobeheroic.Thathehadsavedthisstubborn,irritatingwomanfromdrowningmadehimhappierthanhe’dhaveguesseditwould.Granted,shehadjustsavedhimfromfallingtohisdeath,sotheywereinfuriatinglyequal.ButhewasnotthemostnotoriousbuccaneerinallofEire,halfofEngland,andtwosouthwesternprovincesofFrancefornothing,andhefeltsurehe’dgetthebetterofhersoon.He’drescueherevenmore,orarouseherfurther,orstealthebloodyamuletfirstjustsohecouldtriumphantlygiveittoher.
Maybethenshe’dbedislodgedfromhistraitorousheart.Howshe’devengotintherewasacompletemystery.Onedayhewascursingherforstealinghisbriefcaseandthenexthewantedherunderhiminbed.Orontopofhim.Orrollingaroundwithhim.Really,anypositionwoulddo.
Butmorethanthat,hewantedhertoinsulthim,arguewithhim,provokehimfearlesslyasnootherwomanhadeverdared.EvenCecilia,whowasn’tscaredofhim,didn’tgooutofherwaytocausetensionbetweenthem.ButCharlottePettiferseemedtofindtensionasthrillingashedid.Sheutterlydisrespectedhisreputation,andhelikedherforit.
Aweekago,he’dhavethoughtsuchathingimpossible.Aweekago,awitchwastohimthesortofwomanwho’dstealahusband,smirkatawife’sfuneral,andthrashachildwithsuchregularitythatevenyearslaterhekeptatleastoneweapontohandincaseitmightbeneededfordefense.He’dalwayssupposedhe’ddrownawitchifhehadherinhishandswithinproximityofalake.Tonotonlyhavesavedthisone,butevennow,crouchingbesideherontherain-washedshore,tobewantinghismouthonhersagain,hisfingerspressingintothelushsoftnessofherskin—itbewilderedhim.AndAlexdidnotlikebewilderment.Helikedsmugcertaintyandhittingthingswithhissword.
HeglancedatCharlotte.Evenonherkneesinthemudanddrizzlingrain,coughinguplakewater,shelookedentirelyproper,asiftherewasonlyonerightwaytorecoverfromnear-drowningandshehadmasteredit.God,buthewantedtomakehermessyinthemostlicentiousmanner.
Withasigh,hegottohisfeetandheldoutahandtoher.Shelookedatitdarkly.“Youdorealizemyamuletisgettingevenfartherawaywhilewewastetimewithshenanigans?”shesaid.
“YoudorealizemyhousehasmadeanemergencylandingIdon’tknowwhere?”heanswered.
Herexpressionsobered.Shereachedforhishand.“IhopeBixbywillbeallright.”
“I’msurehe’sfine.”Alexhauledhertoherfeet.Shestumbledagainsthim,andastheireyesmet,itwasasiftheyfellalloveragain.Hecaughtherwithanarmaroundherbackandwaskissingherhard,evenbeforeshecouldforcehimto.
Therain,ameresprinkleuntilnow,tappingshylyonthelake,burstforthsuddenlylikeadivainafeatherboaburstingthroughstagecurtains,asifinspiredbytheirpassion.Itpouredfromtheirhairandeyelashesandslickedtheirkiss.Ashadowedwindgaspedcoldbetweenthem,buttheywereburninginside.Theywereadangerousstormthatpromisedmutualelectrocutioniftheydidnotstop.Finally,Charlottepulledaway,pressingthebackofherwristagainsthermouth.
“Whatatrociousbehavior!”shesaid,althoughitwasn’tclearexactlytowhosebehaviorshereferred.
“Itwasmedicinal,”Alexreplied.“Yourlipswereturningblue.Ithoughtitwisetowarmyourapidly.”
Shealmosthuffed,buthewatchedherstopherselfintime,settlingdignityoverherfaceandstandingtallerforalltheworld,asifshewereinareceptionroom,dressedinsilkandpearls,ratherthanonthedirty,rain-beatenshoreofalake,wearingaman’sshirtthathadturnedsotransparentthedelicatelaceofhercamisolecouldbeseen,andbeneaththat—
Hehauledhisgazeupwardandfoundherglaringathim.
“Ihavenevermetamoreaggravatingman,”shesaid.“IfIdidn’tneedtoabductyouinordertorecovermyamulet,Iwouldgladlyneverseeyouagain.”
Alexlaughedinastonishment.“Abductme?Madam,Iassureyou,Iamnotabducted.Iwouldleaveatthisverymomentifyouweren’tafragilefemalelostGodknowswhereinadownpour,vulnerableto—”
Sheyankedhisarmsuddenly,tuckedherlegaroundhis,andflunghimtotheground.
Itwouldhavebeenagreattriumphforher—excepthegrabbedhercoatashetumbled,andshewentdowntoo,smackingagainsthim.Herolledthemoversohewaslyingatopher,heavyagainsthersoftness.Instantlyhisbodyreacted.Hecouldseeshefeltit,butthatshedidnotunderstandexactlywhatitmeant.Strangethatsuchacompetentwomancouldbesoinnocent.Thethoughtarousedhimevenmore,andhedecidedforsafety’ssaketogetoffher.Butsuddenly,withoutwarning,sheliftedherheadandkissedhim.
Heinhaledsharply,nervesflashing.
Itwasonlyabrief,softkiss,makinghimthinkofakittenlashingoutwithclawssotinytheybarelytickled.Alexhadneverbeforeexperiencedsuchanintoxicatingmixoflustandsweetness
“Youareatyrant,CharlottePettifer,”hesaidagainsthermouth.
“Youareafiend.”
Hekissedherback,althoughneithersoftnorsweet.Theirtonguestangled.Theiranklestangled.Shetwistedhers,andinthescufflemanagedtotiphimoffher.Withaleap,shewasonherfeetagainanddrawingforththeviciouslittlemultipurposedevice.
Alexlayonthegroundandgrinnedupather.“Doit,”hesaid.“Goon,doit.”
Sheflickedthedeviceandtherewasasharpclickasanimplementsprungout.
Alexconsideredtheteaspoonamoment,thenlaughed.Flushing,Charlottesnappeditshutandbroughtforththerapier.
Helickedhislips.Gettingupslowly,heheldhergaze.Sheswallowed—forhereallywasverybigandscary.Hedrewhisswordfromitsscabbard.
Hereyeswidened.
“Isuggestyougiveupandletmetakeyoutosafety,”hesaid,raisingthesword.
Shefolloweditupwithhergaze,thenlookedbackathim.Herealizedthenitwasn’tfearinhereyes,butexhilaration.
“Aereo,”shesaid.Theincantatedwordlevitatedherseveralfeetofftheground.“Isuggestyougiveupandletmestealyourhouse.”
“That’snotgoingtohappen,sweetheart.”
Shekickedtowardhishead.
Heducked,andmovingbehindher,thumpedthepommelofhisswordagainstherbootedankle.
Sparksshotoutfromthebackofherheel.Alexlaughed,delighted.(Andalsowincedasasparkburnedintohisbreastbone.)Charlottesomersaultedmidairthenspunabout,rapiersweepingtowardhim.Buthemetitwithhissword,andasmetalcriedout,therapierfellfromherhand.
“Ow,”shesaid,shakingherhandandglaringathiminindignation.Hetossedhisswordaside,graspedhershirt,andpulledherdowntowardhim.Shewasstillfloatingastheirmouthsmet.Theykissedwithsuchforce,Charlotte’smagicflared,andinthenextmomentAlexwasrisingoffthegroundalongwithher.Heclutchedherhead;shedugfingernailsintohisback.Theircoatsbillowedastherainaroundthemsizzledfrommagicalenergy.
“Justsurrender,”Alexgrowledbetweenkisses.
“Youfirst.”Tippingherheadback,sheofferedherthroat.Hedraggedhistongueupit,pressedlipsagainstherpulse—tastingsoap,rain,theheatofarousedblood.Heverynearlyspokethentoyieldallhisheartandwilltoher,butold,barbedinstinctsstoppedhiminthenickoftime.Hecouldalmosthearavoice,stillsharpdespitebeingtwodecadespast,callinghimabloodyfool.Heflinchedasifafistboxedhisear.
Athissuddenmovement,themagicunbalanced,andtheydroppedtotheground.Charlotteimmediatelyturnedawaybuthecaughther,pullingherbackagainsthim,trappingherwithinthecompassofhisarm.Althoughhecouldn’tseetheexpressiononherface,hecouldimagineitsfury,andhegrinned.
“Idareyou,”hesaidinherear,hotandtempting.“Steponmewiththoseviciousbootsofyours.”
Shetriedtotugherselffree.“Brigand!”
“Virago.”
“Excuseme.”
Theyturnedtheirheadsinsurprise.
“Ibegyourpardon,”saidagentlemanstandingplacidlyintherain.Heworeenormousgaloshes,andonhisheadacapbristledwithhooks.Afishingrodlayproppedagainstoneshoulder.AsAlexandCharlottestaredathim,hesmiledbeneathhisthin,crookedmustache.“Isay,haveyoubyanychancespottedapikegudgeon?”
Charlotteblinkeddumbly.Alexnarrowedhiseyes.“Isthatsomekindofweapon?”heasked.
Themanlaughed.“Goodheavensno,mydearchap.Fish.”Hewavedatthelakeasifthisexplainedall.
CharlotteandAlexturnedtheirheadstowardthelake,thenbacktotheman.“Can’tsayIhave,”Alexsaid.“You,darling?”
“No,”Charlottereplied.“Andifyoucallmedarlingagain,I’llbiteyou.”
Hegrinned.“Promise?”
“Well,bother,”thenewcomercontinuedinablithetone,despitetherainandthetwostrangerspausedmid-strugglebeforehim.“I’msureit’sinthere.Onlyoneinthewholedistrict,yousee,importedespeciallyforourlittlecontest,andit’dbeadrattedshameifPeddickgotitbeforeme.Andwillyoulookatthis!Someone’sleftaswordjustlyingaround.Notsafe,that.Apersoncouldstubtheirtoeonit.”
Alexshiftedslightly,adjustinghisholdonCharlotte.“CanIask,sir—”
“Hooper.”Heofferedahandtoshakeandthen—noticingtheknivesstrappedtoAlex’sthigh,andthelongdaggerextendingoutofhisboot,nottomentiontheswordscabbard—madealittlewaveinstead.“ArthurHooper,threetimesDagenhamdistrictchampionangler(baitform)andbutlertoSirRufusoveratRothburyHouse,atyourservice.Well,atSirRufus’sservice,butyouknowwhatImean.”
“Mr.Smith,”Alexreplied.“Andthisismysister,MissSmith.”
Theman’seyebrowsraisedwithastonishment.“I’mguessingyouarenortherners,forI’veneverseenanyonearoundherekisstheirsisterquitesovigorously.Italmostlookedlikeyouwerejumpingofftheground,haha.”
“DidIsaysister?”Alexshookhishead.“Imeantwife.She’smywife.Mrs.Smith.OnaccountofmebeingMr.—”
“Shutup,”Charlottesaid.“Mr.Hooper,wouldyoukindlydirectustowardsomeshelter,please?”
“Shelter?”
“Fromtherain.”
Heblinkedupatthegraydeluge.“Oh,youmeanthismizzle?YoucouldgototheAngler’sRetreat.Localpub.Justontheothersideofthelakethere.”Hepointedwithhisfishingrod.
“Thankyou.”
“Rightyouare,”hesaid,smilingandrockingonhisheelsasifintendingtostayandwatchwhateverremainedoftheirshow.Theystaredathimwithexpressionslikedrawnswords,andanawkwardlaughfellfromhismouth.“Wellthen.Nopikegudgeon.Rightho,I’llbejustonmy…um…tah-rah,then.”
“Tah-rah,”Alexsaid.
“Good-bye,”Charlotteadded.
Themanscurriedaway.
“I’llgiveyouthreesecondstoletmego,”Charlottesaid,“beforeIdemonstratemytechniqueforkillingamanusingoneelbowandtheanchoringphraseoftheincantation.”
Alexsighed.“Areyoualwayslikethis?”
“Youbringouttheworstinme.”
“Imeant—”
Shepulledaway.Hethoughtshemightrun,butinsteadsheplacedherhandsonherhipsandglaredatthesceneryasifitweremakinganefforttopersonallyannoyher.“Weshouldtrytolocateyourhouse.”
Alexconsideredthedistanttrees.“It’stoofar.Bixbyknowshowtolandinahurry.He’llbefine.We’llwaitintheAngler’sRetreatandmakeasearchwhentherainclears.”
“That’salongwalk.”
“Hardly.”
“You’vecrippledme,hittingmylegwithyoursword’spommelasyoudid.”
Hisheartswoopedwithdismay.Takingasteptowardher,heglancedattheleginquestion,itsshapeexplicitwithinthesoakedtrousers,thenblinkedhurriedlyandlookedatherfaceinstead.“I’msorry,doesitverymuchhurt?”
“Iaminagonizingpain,”sheliedcalmly.
Hearinghertone,herolledhiseyes.“I’mwalking,”hesaid,bendingtopickuphissword.“Youcancomeornot,asyouchoose.Ifnot,Iwishyouallthebestinyoureffortstostealtheamulet.Goodafternoon,madam.”
Shegavehimaviciouslookandmutteredbeneathherbreath.Thelittlebesomflewupfromthegrassintoherhand.Withasnap,alongthinmetalbroomshotout.Itsbristlesflaredlikeabare-bonesumbrella.
“Don’ttellmeyou’regoingtositonthatandfly,”Alexsaidincredulously.
“Certainlynot!Don’tberidiculous!”Sheshookbackherwethair.“Iamgoingtoholdontoitandfly.”
“That’sdaft.”
“It’squickerthanwalking.”
“Aren’tyouafraidoffallingoffinthemiddleofthelake?”
“Iamnotafraidofanything,Captain.”
“Youreallyoughttorethinkthatattitude.”
“PerhapsIshall,onceinside,warmanddry,anddrinkingteawithasplashofsherry.”
“Sherry?”Helaughed.“That’sadrinkforgrandmothersinfluffyslippersandhairnets.”
Shegavehimacuttingsmile.“Sir,ifIworefluffyslippers,theywouldhavepoisoneddartshiddenamongsttheirfluff.”
Hisbloodturnedsuddenlyhot.Heswayedalittletowardher,andsheswayedalittletowardhim,andthundershookawarningthathadthemmovingprudentlybackagain.
“Ibelieveyou,”hesaid.“ButforGod’ssake,drinkaproperwhiskey.”
“It’sungentlemanlyforyoutotellmewhattodo.Actually,no,Itakethatback.It’sentirelygentlemanly.You,sir,representallthatiswrongwithourpatriarchalsociety!”
“Andyou,madam,arethemostenticingcreatureIhaveeverknown.Iwanttolickeveryinchofyou.”
Shestaredathim,open-mouthed.“Uponmyword!Onlytwominutesagoyouwereasking,‘Areyoualwayslikethis?’Suchinconsistencyiswhatgivespiratesabadname.”
“AndhereIwasthinkingitwasthepillaging,terrorizing,andrampanthooliganism.Ibegyourpardon,MissPettifer,butasItriedtotellyouatthetime,whatIactuallymeantwas,‘Areyoualwaysthisstrong,fierce,gorgeous,brave?’Aquestionentirelyconsistentwithmymorerecentstatement.”
“Oh.”Shelookedaway,frowning.“Well.Hmph.”
Hegrinned.“Daftwoman.”
“Poorcommunicator.”
“Fairenough.I’llgetexplicit,shallI?Areyouafraidofpremaritalsex?”
Hereyesnarrowedassheconsideredthis.Atlastshespoke,hertonecool.“Ireiterate,I’mafraidofnothing.”
Hisgrindeepened.Hefeltitspleasureallthewaydowninapartofhisanatomythatreallycouldnotsustainmuchmorepleasurerightnow.“Raceyoutotheinn?”
“Certainlynot!”shereplied,indignant.“Aladyneverraces.Ishallmerelymakehasteandawaityourpresence.”
Andwiththat,shegaveherbroomstickaflick,mutteredaword,andflewoffthroughthestorm.
Thenflewbackagain,pickeduphersunglasses,whichhadfallenfromhercoatpocketearlier,andwithahaughtyexpressionflewoffoncemore.
Alexlookedheavenwardforpatience,butonlygotaneyefulofrain.ItwasenoughtomakehimbelieveGodwasawitch.Hebegantowalk.
Andthen,thinkingofCharlottePettiferallwarmedupwithwhiskey,hebegantorun.
11ONLYONEBEDROOM—INCORRECTUNDRESSING—MANHANDLED—CHARLOTTEWISHESFORSOMEBEDTIMEREADING—ALEXISUNHYGIENIC—JANEWHO?—THIRDTIME,LUCKY—MUTUALDEFEAT
Giveagirlaneducationandintroduceherproperlytotheworld,andtentoonebutshewillfindherselfaloneinaninnbedroomwithagentlemanrogue.Charlotte(whoreallyshouldhavebeenallowedtoseetheinterestingpagesofbiologytextbooksafterall,andthereforehadhercuriositysafelyassuaged)stoodbesidethebedwithherarmscrossedsternlyoverthesimpledresstheinnkeeper’swifehadgivenher,andglaredatAlex.
Andhe,lookingdangerousinborrowedtrousersandshirtthatstrainedagainsthismuscles,shruggedininsouciantreply.
ThattheyhadlandedlessthanaquartermilefromapublichousewascoincidentalonlyifyouforgetthiswasEngland,wheremanythousandsofpubsthrivearoundthecountry.Thatithadjustonebedroomstillavailablewillnotbesurprisingtoconnoisseursofromance.Thesoleastonishmentwasitcontainedtwobeds.
AlexandCharlottehadquicklyfixedthat.
Andnow,thebedshavingbeenpushedtogether,thehotwhiskeytoddieshavingbeendrunk,theystoodwaitingtoseewhowouldmakethefirstmove.
“Idon’tknowwhyyouinsistedongettingdressed,sinceI’monlygoingtoundressyouagain,”Alexsaid.
“Idon’tknowwhyyouaresoconfidentofthat,”Charlottereplied.Sheswayedalittle,fortherehadbeenjustenoughwhiskeyinthetoddytoloosenhermusclesalongwithseveralofherdearestinhibitions.Somewhereatthebackofhermind,JaneAusten’sheroineswereshouting,wavingvolumesofMansfieldPark,andtryingtoremindherofthefateawaitingunchastewomen.ButtheyweredrownedoutbytheechoingmemoryofAlexcallingherstrong,fierce,gorgeous,brave.
Herheartsighed.Somethingabouttheman—hislaughingeyes,perhaps,orwickedmouth,ordearlordhisboots—causedherentirebeingtothrum.ShefeltasifshehadbeensleepwalkingthroughlifeandhadwokenfinallyonthatdayinSt.James’swhenoneconversationwithhimhadliterallyflungherskyward.Buttherewasnocalltolethimknowthis.“Itgoestoshowyourmalearrogance,”shesaid,“thatyouassumeyoucansimplyundressmeonyourownauthority.”
“Fairenough,”Alexsaidlanguidly.“SoshallIjustleave?”
“Byallmeans,ifyouarealily-livered,trembling—”
Shestopped,blinkinginsurprise,ashesteppedforwardandbegantuggingatthebuttonsonherbodice.“No,”shesaid,smackingathishands.“Notlikethat.Youhavetopushthemmorecare—”
Hecaughtherchin,liftedit,andkissedheruntilwordsdissolvedandherknowledgeofcorrectbuttonremovalprocedureswasutterlylostfrommemory.
Thebodicemanagedtogetopendespitehisroughmethod,andaftersomestrugglewithsleeves,duringwhichbothpartieslambastedeachother(andkissedeachotherwithincreasinglyurgentfrustration),theentiredressfellinaheaptoherfeet.Allthatremainedwasaplaincottonchemisetheinnkeeper’swifehadalsoprovided.
Charlottestareddownatthedress,ratherdazed,andunsurewhattodonext.She’djustallowedamantodisrobeher.JaneAustenwouldbeweepingintoherinkwell.
Alexhadthesituationinhand,however.Literally.Takingholdofherbythewaist,hesimplyliftedherup,kickedthedressaside,andsetherdownagain.
“Oh,”shebreathed.“Goodnessgracious.”Herstomachfilledwithadozenfansflappingurgentlyinanefforttocoolher.
Alexsmiled,bitinghislowerlipinanexpressionofendearingwickedness.Reachingforthechemisestraps,hebegantoslidethemoff.Charlottegraspedhiswrists,andalthoughshehadnowherenearenoughstrengthtoactuallystophim,neverthelesshestopped.
“Iamnotconvincedthatiswise,”shesaid.
Hesmiled.“What,areyouhidingarifleandthreeattackdogsunderthere?”
“Ofcoursenot.Youmaycheckifyouwant.”
Hiseyebrowraisedattheinvitation.Usingonefingertogentlydrawbackthechemise’sneckline,hepeeredbeneath.
Charlotteheldherbreath.
Hedidnottouchher,buthisgazeseemedtostrokeeverynerveending.Afteralong,wordlessmoment,helookedintohereyesagain.Hehadseenher—andnowapparentlywantedtoseeher.Charlotteloweredherowngaze,forhecouldhaveherbody,butnoonewastrustedwithherheart.
Andherbody,hearingthatthought,tossedasidethefansandinstalledasteamturbineinstead.Certainpartsachedforthepiratetonotjustlook,buttotouchwithhisstrong,callousedfingers.Buthermind,alreadyaghastattheturnofevents,andcomposingalectureitsuspectedthebodywouldcompletelyignore,wasdetermined.Shemightwellbestrong,fierce,gorgeous,brave,butaddingnakedtothatlistsurelycrossedthelineofProperFemininity.Charlottehadspentherentirelifetryingtobalanceonthatline,pulledonewaybythedictatesofsociety,andtheotherbyherownsensitivitiesandintelligence.Shecouldusuallyapproximatenicebehaviorbywatchingpeopleandreadingbooks.Buttheetiquetteoftrystinginacountryinnwithapiratewasnotsomethingeasilyguessedat.
IfonlyJaneAusten,ElizabethGaskell,orevenCharlesDickens,hadwrittenonthesubjectofcopulationsosheknewwhattodo,andinwhatcorrectsequence.Werethereparticularwordsoneoughttosay?Anactiononealwaysmusttake?
NodoubtCaptainO’Rileyhadanencyclopedicknowledgeofthesubject,butCharlottecouldhardlyquizhimwithoutrevealingherownignorance.Andnevermustshedothat.Awitchwasnothingifnotsuperiorinallunderstanding.
“So,”Alexsaidmusingly.“IcanlookbutIcan’ttakethethingoff?”
“Youcandoanythingyouwant,”shesaid,andhemadeanoiseinthebackofhisthroat.“ButaccordingtohowIwasraised,awomandoesnotdisrobeunderanycircumstance.”
“What,noteveninthebath?”
“Absolutelynot!”Shewasshockedattheverythought.
“God,andIthoughtmyupbringingwasawful.”Helookedatherforalong,steadywhile,assessinghercourageforwhatlayahead.Shewaited,heartpounding,forhimtocallahalttothewholeendeavor.Butatlastheshrugged.
“Yourchoice,darling.Itstayson.”
Reliefwashedthroughher.“You,however,maydisrobeasyouwish,”sheadded.“Orretainwhateveritemsofclothingyouchoose.Isupposeyou’lltakeoffthetrouserssoastofreelyaccessyour—um—gentleman’ssmalltumescentlimb.”
Hiseyesflashed.“Ibegyourpardon?”
“Isthatnotusedinthisactivity?”
“Yes,”hesaidinaratherstrainedvoice.(Ohdear,Charlottethought—perhapshe’dgotpneumoniaintherainafterall)“Letmegiveyoutwopiecesofadvice,MissPettifer.First,neverusetheword‘small’inrelationtoaman’s—er,that.”
Shesighedtestily.“Imeantsmallcomparedtoanarmoraleg.”
“Never.Ever.”
Apparently,thiswasafirmrule.“Verywell,”sherelented.
“Andsecond—justliedownonthegoddamnbed,willyou?”
Sheglancedoverhershoulderatthefurnitureinquestion.“Doyouthinkit’sclean?”
Hisexpressiontightened,andshegotthesensehewasonlyjustholdingon.“Unlessyouwantmetotakeyouagainstthewall,you’lljusthavetoriskit.”
Charlottegasped—butafteramoment’shesitation,decidedonno,andpulledbacktheeiderdown.
AlexwatchedasCharlottelayonthebed.Therefollowedanendlessminuteinwhichherchemisetwistedaroundherhipsandshehadtoraisethemtorearrangeit,andthendothesamewithherhair,andthenshuffleovertoavoidwhatmusthavebeenaloosespringinthemattress.Alexwaitedwithanexasperationthatborderedonintense,pulsingarousal.Thewomanwasgoingtoannoyhimintoanorgasmbeforeheevenplacedahandonher.
Finallyshelaystill,almostrigid,hergazefixedontheceiling.Hehesitated,notwantingtogoaheadifshewasasanxiousassheseemed—
“Tsk,”shesaid,clickinghertongueimpatiently,andheyankedoffhisshirtandtrousers,firsttakingouttheitemofprotectionhealwayscarriedwithhim(notnecessarilybecausehewasanincorrigiblerake—afterall,theitemhadmanyhandyuses,suchastyingupbankworkersandholdingstolencoins).
(Hewas,however,alsoanincorrigiblerake.)
Ashefittedtheitem,Charlottedidnotshifthergazefromtheceiling.Lookingather,Alexfrowned.Ifshewasn’tanxious,whydidsheliethereasiftheworldwasagreatscratchyweightonherbody?
Thequestionflippeditselfintoitsownanswer.Andwithit,Alexfeltsomethingloosenaroundhisheart.Helaydownonhissidenexttoherandpulledtheeiderdownoverthem.
“Comehere,”hewhispered,tippinghertofacehim.Sheswallowedabreath,hereyeshugeanddarkbut,thankGod,notfrightened.Thesamecouldnotbesaidsosurelyforhim.Bloodyhell,he’ddonethisoftenenough—therewasnoneedtobenervous.
Thensheblinkedherlong,thicklashesoverherstormyeyes,andhishearttrembled.
“You’vetakenmoreoftheblanketonyourside,”shegrumbled,layingahandagainsthistattooedchest.Hertouch,softasrosepetals,wassogentleAlexthoughthemightbreakapartbeneathit.
“You’reashe-devil,”heanswered,brushingdampstrandsofhairfromherface.
Theystaredateachotherforalong,intensemoment.Breathe,Alexremindedhimself.Dowhatnow?hislungsreplied.
“Thisismerelytocleartheairbetweenus,youunderstand,”Charlottesaid.
Alexgrinned.“Darling,Iassureyoutherewillbenomerelyaboutit,”hecountered,andCharlotterolledhereyes.“However,youareessentiallyright.Wearejustreleasingthetension.”
“Itisnotacommitment.”
“Agreed.”
“Furthermore—”
Hekissedher.Andallherwordsturnedtochaff,leavingherwithamorehonestsilence.
Thekissturnedslow,explorative.Thestrokinghandsoverbareskinsetthembothshiveringdespitethecloisteredheat.Charlotte’sbracelettinklingagainsthimremindedAlexshewasawitchtowhomheshouldnotevenbespeaking—buthedidnotcare.Inthismoment,inthisbed,shewasCharlottePettifer,nothingmore,andifhecouldnotgetinsidehersoon,hewouldlikelyperishfromwanting.
Buthetriedtobepatient,becausepiracyonlywentsofar,andhe’dnevertakefromawomanifitwouldhurther.Charlotte’sbodywasastightasherattitudes,andnomatterhowshemutteredthattheyneededtogetonwiththingssotheycouldresumethechaseforheramulet,Alexwasdeterminedtobegentle.Usingfirstonefingerandthentwo,heofferedapreviewofwhatheplannedtodotoher.
Atfirst,herastonishmentwasextreme.“Areyousure?”shesaid,squirmingagainsthishand.“Thisdoesn’tseemverypropertome.”
“It’sentirelyimproper,darling,”heagreed,movingthefingersslowly,delightingatheradorablycensoriousfrown.Butherbodywasbeginningtoeaseashedrewherwithlong,strokingmovementstowardastateofwarm,wetdisarray.
“Idon’tunder—Oh!”Shewentabruptlytautagain.
Hepaused.“What?”
“Dothat.Again.Withyourthumb.”
Herubbedagain.“That?”
Forthefirsttimesincehe’dknownher,thesoundsemergingfromherthroatwerenotcomplaints.Inbrokensyllablesandshudderinggasps,sherelatedhowhewasfinallydoingsomethingperfectly,andhesmiledwiththeparticulartriumphofknowinghehadpleasedher.Continuingasinstructed,hewatchedpleasureswellinhereyes,feltitclencharoundhisfingersassheclimaxed.Thesensationinherbodyseemedtosparkthroughhisown,andhehadtotakeadeepbreathtocalmhimself.
“Goodnessme,”shesaidatlast.“Thatwas—remarkable.”
“I’mglad.”Hekissedher,asifhemighttastetherarecomplimentonherlips.
“HowdoIreciprocate?”sheasked,businesslike.
Atthequestion,anunfamiliaremotiontangledupinsidehim,buthecouldnotidentifyitanddidnotdaretry.Farsafertojustgetonwithbeingarakishpirateandletthemurkydepthsofhispsychedealwiththemselves.Hesmileddownather.Damn,shewasbeautiful,allflushedandsoftenedbypleasure.Hehadasuddenfierceurgetoprotectherfromhimself,evenknowingthatturningawaynowwouldbephysicaltorment.Butshescowledathim,wantingananswer,andtheprotectiveurgewasoverwhelmedbymoredesperateurgesthatherownimpatienceseemedtoencourage.
“YouaregivingmeallIwantjustbybeinghere,”hesaid.Andsurprisedhimselfwiththetruthofit.
Alexdidnotlikesurprisinghimself.Hewasn’tparticularlyfondoftrutheither,forthatmatter.Hedid,however,likekissingMissPettifer,sohewentbacktodoingthat.
Charlottehadatalentforcertainty,andonethingshewasverysureaboutwasthatshedidn’tapproveofwhattheyweredoing.Shelikedit—infactshewouldhappilycontinuedoingitfortherestoftheeveningifrequired,andfurthermoretakeitupthenextmorningshouldtheopportunityarise—butapprovalwasadifferentmatterentirely.
CaptainO’Rileyhadtouchedherinawaythatwascertainlyunhygienic.Andgoodnessonlyknowswhatkindofnervousdamageshehadacquiredwhenthatstrange,powerfulsensationofblissovertookher.Therewasalsostillthefactoftheamuletbeingunsecured.
ThenAlexstrokedahandoverherbreast,causingallthoughtoftheamulettoexplodeinagoldenblaze.Andnowtheblastedmanwaskissingheragain.Worse,hisgentlenesscompletelyruinedthehappyimageshehadofhimasacur.Shehadbeenexpectingabrief,furiousevent,suchastheirargumentshadbeen.Butinsteadhegaveherthistenderness,thisinexplicableconsideration.
Thankfully,shehadatlastcobbledtogethersomewhatofascriptforresponse.Mr.Darcyalsohadprovedhimselfaconsideratefellowbeneathhisaloofexterior,andElizabethBennethadreactedwithsincerityandlove.Charlottethoughtthisratherextreme,butshecouldatleastkissthepirate’sjaw,enjoyingthetextureofstubbleagainsthertinglinglips,followingthehardcurveuptohisearlobe.Thatshebitgently,hisearringclatteringagainstherchin.
“Hhnngh,”hesaid,whichwaspossiblyanIrishword;itseemedtoexpressapproval.
“You’rewelcome,”shewhisperedintohisear.
Heshivered.“Wickedwitch,”hesaid,andCharlotterememberedyes,that’swhatshewas.Castingasidehernicescript,shedrewafingernailalongthetattooofbarbedknotsthatswoopedacrosshischestthendown,overhisheart,aroundhisnavel,intothedarkhairatthebaseofhis,er,fifthanddefinitelynotsmalllimb.Hisbreathhitched,andCharlottesmirkedwithsatisfaction.Shehadafairideanowofwhatheintendedtodowiththatparticularpartofhisanatomy,andshestrokedacautiousfingeralongtheblushed,velvetyskin…
Withinseconds,hehadherflippedontoherback,legspushedopen,kneesup,breathgone.Helayoverher,andhiseyesblazedwithaferalheat.
Charlottegrinned.“Idareyou.”
“Areyousure?”
“Iwouldn’tbehereifIwasn’t.”
“Verywellthen.”Hishandmoveddowntowhereithadbeensoeffectivebefore,andshegaspedassensationrampagedthroughher.Shetriedtothinkofaresponsebutsuddenlysomethingelsewasthere,pressinghard,andherbodytensed,sensingamomentfromwhichtherewouldbenogoingback.Herheartthunderedintrepidation.
Thentheworldliterallycavedin.
Alexblinkedwithconfusionastheydroppedadepthoftwofeettoanabrupt,althoughrathersoft,landing.Momentslaterherealizedthebedshadslidapartandthey’dfallenthroughthegaptothecarpetbelow.Atangledsheetlaybeneaththem.Theeiderdownstretchedacrossthegapabovelikeatent.
“Areyouhurt?”heaskedCharlotte—butshewasalreadylaughing.Itsoundedwildanddelighted,likeawomansurprisedbylifeandsurprisingherselfthatshedidn’tmindit.
Allofasudden,Alexfoundhisheartfillwithsincereaffection.Thiswomandrovehimabsolutelymad,bothmentallyandsexually,andyethereallydidlikeherdespiteit.Perhapsevenbecauseofit.Therewassomethingsoinvigoratingabouther,andatthesametimesoreassuring—certainlydifferentfromthewomenwhoapproachedhimwithcautionorusedhimforathrill.Charlottewasneitherafraidofhimnorseekingmeretitillation.Shemadehimfeelsafeenoughtobehimself—notthedreadpirate,theimpiousrake.JustAlex,wantingher.
God,wantinghersomuchhecouldnotwaitanothermoment.He’donlyknownherafewdays,buthisbodysworeithadsufferedaneternityofdesireforthiswoman.Withawarmsmile,helookedintoherbeautiful,lavisheyes.
“Hurryup,”shedemanded.
Hissmileblazedintoagrin.Wellthen,damnitifhehadanychoiceleftbuttoproveinonelong,unrelentingmovementexactlyhowamanusedthatmostinterestingpartofhim.
Herthoughtsshattered.Shegraspedmentallyatwisepages,goodquotes,butitwasofnouse.Shecouldbarelyrecallthenameofanyauthor,letalonesomethingtheymighthavewritten.Alexdominatedher,bodyandmind.Shecouldfeelnothingbuthim,thinkofnothingbuthim.Overwhelmed,sheclutchedthetumbledsheetinakindofdespair.Itwastoomuch;itwasunbearable.
Thenhemovedback,andshegrabbedhiships,pullinghertowardhimagain.
“Don’tstop,”shegrumbled.
Helaughed.“Nofearofthat.”Hebeganagentlepace,inchingdeeper,allthewhilekeepinghisthumboccupiedinawaythatmadeCharlottebreathejaggedly.Hekissedherthroat,asiftryingtoeaseherairway.“Areyoudoingallright,darling?”
“Fine,”shegasped.
“Doesithurt?”
“No.”
“Areyou—”
“Isconversationusuallystandardatthistime?”
Helaughedagain.“Ibegyourpardon,Charlotte.”
Itwasthefirsttimehe’dsaidhername,andshespunintoblissatthesoundofitwrappedwarmandsensuousaroundhisaccent.Ohdear,thiswasproof—hernerveswerecompletelyindisorder.Andhertoesmightbreakfromcurlingsohard.Notthatsheminded,consideringhowsplendiditfelt.
“MyGod,”Alexbreathed.Thesmilehadgonefromhisface;hefrownedasifdeepinsacredcontemplation.Charlottehadnotrealizedhewassuchadevoutman.Mindyou,shefeltratherprayerfulherselfatthatmoment.“You’resosensitive,”hewhispered.
Herstomachswooped.
She’dheardthosewordsoverandagainthroughoutherchildhood,wordsthatfeltlikearapontheknucklesoraprodagainsttheheart.You’resosensitive,Charlotte.Youfeeltoomuch,youaretoomuch.It’smessy.Awitchmustbemorerestrained.She’dbuiltahundredlayersofcalmandcoolnessovertheyearsinresponse.She’dworkedhardtobecomesomethingotherthanheraltogetherwrongself.Nowsheshrank.
Alexsensedit,andpaused,brushingthehairawayfromherface,liftingherchinsoshehadtolookathim.Hisbright,fiercegazepiercedtheshame.“Soresponsive,”hesaid,andthewordssoundedlikeasmile.“Likeabirdinthesingingwinds.”
Charlottefrowned,notquiteunderstanding.Buthekissedheragain,murmuringagainstherskin,andshefinallycomprehendedthathewasactuallyvoicingapproval.Therealizationjoltedthroughher,shatteringathousandblocksandbarbsaroundhersoul,fillingherwiththepieceslikehot,glimmeringstars.Theemotionalreleasefeltasincredibleasthephysicaloneshehadjustexperienced.Clingingtohim,shewasgratefulandfrustratedallinonebeautiful,messytumult.Hegavehersuchpleasurewithhisbody,hiswords,evenjusttheexpressioninhiseyes—
Blastit,themanwasbestingher!Shewantedtomakehimfeelthesameway—morethesameway,moreecstatic,moreelectrifiedthanher.Butshedidn’tknowhowtoachieveit.
“Youseemtoberathergoodatthis,”shesaid,tryingacompliment.
Hesmiled,asweet,charmedsmile,suggestingshehadgotitright.“Thankyou,darling,”hesaid.“Butlet’sseeifIcandoitwellenoughthatyou’retoobreathlesstotellmeso.”
Heloweredhimselffartheruponher,andallthesensationsshifted,sparkinganew.Charlottegaspedinastonishment.Alex’ssmilebecameanaltogetherwickedgrin.Shetriedtospeak,toquerythisnewdevelopment,butinstinctelbowedreasonoutoftheway,rolledupitssleeves,andtookcharge.Wrappingherlegsaroundthepirate,sheliftedherhipstobettermeethim.Themurmurinhisthroatencouragedher,soshemovedagain,andagain,andhisrhythmquickened,andhisbreathtoo.Shewaspleasinghim.Thiswasexcellent!Therewasonlyoneproblem.
Itwaspleasingherallthemorealso
Electricitybeganbuildingagainwithinherbody.Everymuscleclenchedinanticipation.Shecouldnotbreathe,justashehadplanned—couldnotthink—shemoanedindecorouslyasthepiratefilledhersodeep,everyproperworddissolvedandtumbledrightoutofher.Sheclungtohimevenashewreckedher;sheinhaledhishot,raggedbreathasheronlyhopeforsurvival.Itfeltasdevastatingandexhilaratingasbeingtossedfromaroofhighabovetheground.
Abruptlythefireerupted,fiercerthanbefore.Herverysoulseemedtogoupinflames.Atthesamemoment,Alex’sentirebodyclenched.Charlottepulledhimclose,justasshehadwhenthey’dfallenthroughtherain.Theybegantoshiverastheycamedowntogetherintosoftness,heaviness,peace.Hismouthkissedacrossherface,searchingdesperatelyforhermouth.Sheturnedittowardhim,andtheymetinalong,deep,mutualkiss.
Andclosinghereyes,Charlottefeltforthefirsttimeinherlifetheexperienceofsharingaperfectmomentwithsomeoneelse.
12SLEEPLESSINDAGENHAM—BREAKFASTISDELIVERED—NEWS—HOUSEWORKINTERRUPTED—THEONLYWAYLEFTISUP—DéJàVU—ALEXREGRETSHISCHOICES—CHARLOTTEKNOWSWHERESHESTANDS—THIEVESDONOTSTOP—HANGINGBYATHREAD
Charlottehadtodeclareafteralltherewasnoenjoymentlikelovemaking!Howmuchsooneronetiredofanythingthanofsex.Whenshehadahusbandofherown,sheshouldbemiserableifhedidnothaveanexcellentskillinthebedroom.CaptainO’Rileyhadquitealteredherexpectationsonthataccount.
Theyrepeatedvariationsoftheactivityseveraltimesthroughouttheeveningandnight,sinceafteralltherehadbeenagreatdealoftensionbetweenthemthatneededclearing.Theywereonlybeingefficient,dealingwithitallatonce.Granted,Charlottenowfeltsotension-freeshewasunsureshecouldactuallywalk,butmobilityseemedasmallsacrificetomakeforsuchpleasure.
Somewhereinthemidstofthis,Alexhadorganizeddinnertobebroughttotheroom,andthey’deatenwhilestilltuckeduponthefloorbetweenthebeds,wrappedinsheetsandwithaneiderdownbeneaththemforaddedcomfort.Thefoodhadbeenbland,andthey’darguedpleasantlyoverthatwhiletwiningtheirfeetandanklestogetherandagreeingatleastthatthewinewasnice.Forawhilethey’dslept,onlyforCharlottetowaketofindAlexalreadyroused,histonguedrawingheroutofvaguedreams,hishandsdisturbingherpeaceinthemostcriminallydelightfulmanner.
Themanpossessedremarkablestamina,whichwasfinewithCharlotteassheseemedtohavearemarkabletoleranceforit.Sheevendiscardedthechemise(inotherwords,foldeditneatlyandsetitaside)sinceallowinghimtoseewhathishandshadalreadycomprehensivelyexploredwasonlyrational,despitehowherbodytrembledatthechoice.But
Finally,themorninguponthem,theyagreeditwasnecessarytoriseandgoontoClacton-on-Sea.Charlotteconsultedleavesfromtheevening’sleftoverteaandprophesizedagooddayforflying.TheamuletreallyneededberemovedfromLadyArmitage’sinsaneclutches(andTomEamesrescued,timepermitting).
ThisagreementwaspromptlyfollowedbyadisagreementabouthowtolocateAlex’smissinghouse,whichtheyenjoyedwhiledressingintheirnow-driedclothes.Theybecamesoheatedintheiropinions,theywereonthevergeofthrowingeachothertothefloorandundoingalltheirgoodworkwithbuttonsandtuckings-in,whenaknocksoundedonthedoor.
Alexdrewhisguninstantly.HewavedforCharlottetogetoutofsight,rolledhiseyeswithexasperationwhensheignoredhim,andthencarefullyopenedthedoor.
“Goodmorning,sir,”Bixbysaid,standinginthecorridorinasuitandbowlerhat,asilvertrayoffoldednewspaperssetonhishand.“Miss,”headded,noddingpastAlex’sshouldertoCharlotte.
Sheblushedandhurriedlypulledonhercoatasifthatcouldhideallhersins.Whileithadoccurredtoherthatpeoplemightlearnofwhatshe’ddone,whichwouldbebad,shehadnotappreciateduntilthismomentthattheymightimaginewhatshe’ddone,whichwasexceedinglyworse.AndalthoughBixby’sexpressionwasinscrutable,thisofferedlittlecomfort.Charlottewasonlytooawareoftheinterestingthoughtsthatcouldtakeplacebehindablankcountenance.
Alex,ontheotherhand,seemedentirelynonchalantaboutwhathisbutlermightbethinking.Heholsteredhisgunandopenedthedoorwider.“Newspapers,really?”hesaidtetchily.“Whydidn’tyoubringbreakfast?”
Bixbylaidthetrayonasideboardthenreturnedtothecorridor.Secondslaterhereturned,pushingafood-ladentrolleyaheadofhimintotheroom.
“Hmph,”Alexsaid.
“Thankyou,”Charlotteadded,smilingatthebutler.Henoddedbrusquely,asifshehadsaidsomethingoffensivebuthewastoowell-trainedtocomment.
TheyatebreakfastatasmalltablebesidethewindowwhileBixbystoodnearbytoattention,hiseyespolitelyunfocused.Charlottedarednotofferhimfood.Shedidglanceathimoccasionally,however,stillfrettingaboutwhathemightbethinking.(Consideringthestateofthebeds,itwasactuallynottoohardtoimaginewhathewasthinkingabout:sheetthreadcountsandthebestlaundrydetergents.)Hehadexplainedthathe’dlandedsafelyafterthecollisionwithMissFairweather’shouse,andhavingseenCharlotteandAlexdescendinggentlyunderthepoweroftheincantation,hadfeltunworriedenoughtospendtheeveningwashingdishesandsweepingfloors—orinother,moreaccuratewords,drinkingbrandyandreadingaGeorgeEliotnovel.DawnhadroutedhimtoRothburyHouse,wherehemadeinquirieswiththebutler,Hooper,andexchangedpacketsofinformationaccordingtosecrethouseholdserviceprotocol.Hooperinformedhimastothewhereaboutsofagentlemanandoddlydressedlady.
“Iswear,”Alexsaidoveracupofhotblackcoffee,“youbutlersruletheworldbehindourbacks.”
Charlottelaughedalittleatthis.Bixbystaredaheadexpressionlessly.
Afterasmallmealcomprisingonlytoastandeggs,bakedbeans,butteredmuffins,friedtomatoes,andkippers,AlextookupthenewspaperswhileCharlottesetaboutmakingthebeds.ShehadgotasfarasgatheringthesheetsfromthefloorwhenAlex’ssuddencursewordstoppedher.
“What’swrong?”
WhenAlexdidnotreply,sointentwasheonreadingthefront-pagearticle,Bixbysuppliedanexplanation.
“IsuspectthecaptainhasjustlearnedthatMissCharlottePettiferofMayfairhasbeenkidnappedbythedreadpirateRottenO’Riley.”
Charlottestaredatthebutler.“Kidnapped?I?Outrageous!”Shefoldedasheetinhalfandflappeditsobrisklyitmadealoudcrackingsound.Outofthecornerofhereye,shesawAlexflinch.“Nexttheywillbedescribingmeas—”
“?‘Aninnocentdamselofunimpeachablereputation,’?”Alexreadaloudfromthenewspaper.
“Confoundit!”Charlotteexclaimed.“HowamIsupposedtoblackmailorswindleanyonefromhereon?Theywilljustlaughatme!”
“Nicepictureofyou,though,”Alexsaid.
“Huh.”Charlottefoldedthesheetagain—atleastifyouunderstandfoldasmeaningbashedtogetherinaferventmotionthatcreateditsowntinycyclone—andthewholethingslidintodisarray.Bixby,steppingover,quietlytookoneedgeandmovedback,separatingthecornersathisend.Charlottecopiedhim.
“Iwonderhowtheygottheinformation,”Alexmused,drinkingcoffeeasheread.
“ItwasprobablymycousinEugenia,”Charlottesaid,steppingtowardBixbysotheirsheetedgesmet.Hetookthewholething,madeafewquickmaneuvers,andhandedherbackanimmaculaterectangleoflinenalongwithabrief,raresmilethatseemedtocommunicatereassurance,kindness,andanadmonishmenttohereafterleavesheetfoldingtotheprofessionals.ThesmiledisappearedassoonasCharlottegaveherowninreturn.
“Youthinkyourcousinwouldbetrayyoutosuchadegree?”Alexwasremarkablyastonishedforamanwhohadspenthislifeamongstpirates.
“Ohyes,”Charlottesaidasshesetdownthesheet.Snatchingapillow,shestartedyankingthecoverfromit.“EugeniahasalwayshatedmeforhavingbeenprophesizedasBerylBlack’strueheirbeforeshecouldbe.Besides,shepoursthemilkintothebowlbeforethecereal.AndcallsmeChar.There’snoendtohervillainy.”SheplumpedthepillowsohardBixbywinced.
“Maybeyoushouldtrytocalmdown,”Alexsuggested.
“Iamcalm.”Thepillowexplodedinacloudofgoosefeathers.
AlexandBixbyexchangedawordlessglance.Bixbywasjuststeppingforwardtotakewhatremainedofthepillowfromhergraspwhenaknockcameuponthedoor.BeforeCharlotteevensawthemmove,bothpirateandbutlerhadgunsinhands.Withoutaword,BixbyhurriedovertostandbythedoorwhileAlexpressedagainstthewallsoastopeercarefullyoutthewindow.Theyglancedateachotheragain;Alexmadesomehandgestures.
“Whoisit?”hecalledout.
“Onlythehousekeeper,”answeredahigh-pitchedvoice.“Ihavefreshtowelsforyou.”
Alexcursedunderhisbreath.Holsteringthegun,hepulledonhiscoat,slunghisswordbeltoveroneshoulder,thentookCharlottebythearmandtuggedhertowardthewindow.
“Ihopeyouwererightaboutbeingabletoclimbdownabuilding.”
Charlottefrowned.“It’sjustthehousekeeperbringingtowels.”
“Immediatelyafterbreakfast,inanEnglishpub?”Alexsnortedwithbleakhumor.
“But—”Charlotteprotested.
“Therearepolicemenontheothersideofthatdoor,”Alexwhisperedfiercely.“Theinnkeepermusthaveseenthenewspaperandtippedthemoff.”
“Thenwemusttidytheroombeforeweleave,”Charlottesaid,tryingtopulloutofhisgrip.“Imaginewhattheywillthink!”
“I’dratherimagineitthanhavethemtellmewhiletakingmetoprison.”HethrewanintenselookatBixby,whonoddedinresponse.Apparentlytheyhadbeeninthissituationoftenenoughtoneednowords.Alexsteppedontoachairasifitwereastair,andthenontothebreakfasttable,hisbootssmashingplatesandteacups.Charlottewouldhavegaspedinhorrorwereshenotdistractedbybeinghauledbodilyuptojoinhim.ShecarefullynudgedateapotasideasAlexunlatchedthewindowandflungitopen.
Hetookherhandandlookedhercoollyintheeye,andherstomachflippedwithwhatfeltawkwardlylikelustandtrepidation.“Bixbywilldivertthem,”hesaid,“thenbringthehouseround.Butwehavetogonow.”
Together,theylookedoutthewindow.Twentyfeetbelowlayapavedcourtyardthatglintedlikebaredteethinthemorninglight.
Alexshruggedcasually.“Wecanjumpthat.”
Charlottestaredathiminincreduloushorror.
“Coo-ee,”camethevoicethroughthedoor.Itsfalsettorangoutcheerfully,buttheknockthatfollowedwashardandbrisk,andevenCharlotterecognizeditasthesoundofamanwhosesenseofauthoritywasexceededonlybyhisimpatience.Herheartleaped.
“Ihaveanidea.Holdmyhand.”
Withoutquestioning,Alexdidassheasked,andshegrippedhimtightly.“Aereo,”shesaid.
Herbloodswoopedastheincantationliftedthemgentlyintothecool,freshsunlight.Sheallowedthemtorise,holdingontighttoAlex’shandandtryingnottolookdown,untilshefeltcertainwithinherself.Thenshesaid,“Descendeo.”
Theystartedtoplungetowardtheground.“Lente!”shecalledouthastily.“Descendeolente.”
Theirbodiesjoltedastherateofdescentabruptlyslowed.Alexgrinnedather.
“I’vegottosay,youreallyknowhowtogetamanup.”
“It’sfairlysimplewitchcraft,”Charlotterepliedpedantically,andhelaughed.
“Ifyoueverchange,CharlottePettifer,Iwillhuntyoudownandkillyou.”
Shefrownedthroughwindsweptstrandsofhair.“Icannotdecideifthatisathreatoracompliment.”
“It’sajoke,darling.”
“Ah.”Hertoneseemedtoexpressthatsheconsideredjokingequivalenttoacupofgreentea—distastefulandtobepolitelyignoredifatallpossible.“Areyouready?”
Hebouncedhiseyebrowsinreply.
Theysomersaulted,andtheirbootedfeethitthepavementinunison.
Stillholdinghands,theyleapedalowborderofboxshrubsandranacrossthelawntowardanelmgrove.Fromtheinncameashrillwhistleasapoliceman,leaningouttheopenwindow,sightedthem.Mostimpudently,theyfailedtostoportoreturntotheinnsoastobearrested.
“WillBixbybeallright?”Charlotteasked.Theunenchantedwordssoundedodd,shallow,hervoicecrackling.
“Sure,”Alexsaid.“Whoblamesthebutlerforanything?”
Skippingoverafallenbranch,theyenteredthegrove.Theirpaceslowed,andAlextuggedCharlotte’shand,pullinghertowardhimandkissingher.Sheclutchedathisshouldersinanattempttomaintainherbalance,andtheystumbledbackuntilshewaspressedagainstatree.Itquiveredslightlyasifoffended.
“Thereshouldbealawagainstmenlikeyou,”shegaspedbetweenkisses.
“Thereis,”hesaid,bitingherearlobe.“SomeoneshouldlockyouinaroomandonlyletyououtonSundays.”
“Youjustdescribedmychildhood.”Shethrustfingersintohishair,tiltinghisheadbacksoshecouldkisshisthroat.“WhocanIhiretohaveyoubeatentoapulp?”
“Andyoujustdescribedmine,”hesaid.“Ithoughtwereleasedthistension?”
“Thesearemerereverberations,Captain,”sheexplained.“Wewillstopnow.”
“Absolutely.Stoppingatonce.”Andhepressedhislipsagainstherswithakisssodeepshethoughtshe’ddrowninit,thereamongstthetrees.
Butawhistlesquawkedagaininthedistance,makinglittleburstsofnoiseasifsomeonewasblowingitwhilejogging,andtheypulledback,lookingateachotherwithratherblurredeyes.
“Ifthey’rechasingusnow,”Alexsaid,“Bixbyshouldbefreetogogetthehouse.”
Theyranonthroughthegrove,motivatedbycallsof“Stop,thief!”
“Youknow,IresentbeingcalledathiefwhenIhaven’tyetbeenabletostealanything,”Alexgrumbled.
Pastthetrees,theycametoafield,andastheyranacrossittheylookedovertheirshoulderstoseethestonecottagerisingbeyondtheinn’srooftop.Butthepolicemenwerecomingfaster,whistlesshrieking.Alexevaluatedthesituationwithcalm,professionalspeed,thenpointedtoatumbledownwall.Theyrantoitand,duckingbehind,satwiththeirbacksagainstthemossystone,catchingtheirbreath.AlexsmiledatCharlotte.
“Areyouhavingfun?”
Shefrowned.“Asamatteroffact,Iam.”
Helaughed.Butashecontinuedtoregardher,hiseyesdarkened.Hissmilefaded.Finallyheshookhishead.“Damn,you’rebeautiful.Andwhat—nineteen?”
“Twenty-one,”shesaidwarily.
Heshookhisheadagain.“Ihaven’tbeenthinkingstraight.Whathappenedlastnight—itwaswrong—I’msorry.”
Sheflushed,takenabackbythisunexpectedstatement.“Ibegyourpardon.Ifyoufounditsounpleasant,sir,youmighthavesaidatthetime.”
“No.”Hereachedouttotouchherface,butsheleanedaway.“No,Imeanitwas—extremelynice.MyGod,itwasincredible.Butyou’reanunmarriedwoman,andI’vecorruptedyou.Whenyourfuturehusbandrealizesyou’renotavirgin,whatwillyoutellhim?”
“Toangleslightlytotheleft,andrubwithhisthumb.”
Helaughed,despitehimself.
“CeciliaBassingthwaiteisyoungerthanIam,”shesaidinadangeroustone.
“Cecilia’sapirate,”hereplied,andavoidedbeingmaimedonlybecauseherescapefromseveralpolicemeninhotpursuitwasdependentonhisable-bodiedpresence.
“I’mawitch,”sheretorted.
Hefrowned.“Don’tremindme.”
“I’malsoanadultwomanwhoiscapableofmakingherowndecisionsaboutwhatshewantstodointhecompanyofaman.Yourhousejustflewpast.”
Glancingup,hesawthehousemoveawayoverthefield.“Shit.”Hestretcheduptolookoverthewall.
“Howmany?”Charlotteasked.
Hesatdownagain.“Four.I’mflattered.”
“They’recomingforme,notyou.”
“Braggart.”
Thehousebegantocircleback.Alexstood,pullingCharlotteupwithhim.Inoneswift,casualmovement,hedrewhisgun,turned,andshot.AstartlednoiseleapedfromCharlotte’sthroatevenasapoliceman’shelmetleapedfromtheheadofitsoccupant.Thepolicemanflunghimselftotheground,yelpingashecowered.
“Pleasetellmeyoudidn’tmissyourtarget,”Charlottesaidrathershakily.
“Ididn’tmissmytarget,”Alexreplied,tuggingherintoarun.“Imaybeascoundrel,butI’mnotamurderer.”
Theyhurriedacrossthefield.Alex’scottageswoopednearandaropeladderdroppedfromonewindow.Hecaughtit
“Takeholdanddon’tletgo,”heorderedCharlotte.
“Icanincantate—”
“Infrontofthepolice?Takethebloodyladder.”
Shegraspedholdoftheswayingropeandclamberedupontoitssecondrung.ImmediatelyAlexmovedbehindher,standingonthelowestrungwithhisbodyprotectivelyagainsthersasheclutchedtheropeaboveherhands.Thehouselifted,causingtheladdertoswingwildly.
“Keepholdingon,”AlexsaidinCharlotte’sear.
“Stoprightthere!”shoutedapolicemanandblewhiswhistlefuriously.
Charlottesighed.Mensimplycouldn’thelpthemselves,tellingawomanwhattodo.Asifshewasstupidenoughtoeitherletgoorstopandbecaught!Really,MissPlimwasright:ifmalesweren’tnecessaryforprocreationandopeningtightlyliddedjars,womankindcouldgetalongquitenicelywithoutthem.
Mindyou,consideringwhatAlexhaddonewithhistonguelastnight,perhapsitwasworthadmittinghisvalueforthatalone.
Astheladderswervedfromsidetoside,Charlotteclungtoitsotightlyherhandsburned.Butshewasunafraid,knowingthepiratewouldnotletherfall.Andifhedid,shealwayshadherownmagictocatchher.Theyswoopedoveraclusterofpinetreesandfleweasttowardthesea,leavingbehindfourbreathlesspolicemen,anunpaidinnkeeper,
13MISSPLIMKNOWSBEST—WITCHCRAFTINTHEIRLIPS—GREATMEDDLERSTHINKALIKE—HOWNOTTOBESEDUCED—MRS.ROTUNDERKNOWSBETTER—THETIGERISROUSED—SOMETHING’SINTHEAIR
TherewasnothingJudithPlimwoulddoforthosewhowerereallyherfriends.Shehadnonotionoflovingpeople;itwasnothernature.Vaguestirringsofaffectioneverynowandagainkeptherfromoutrightvillainy(presumingonedidnotcountrobbery,taxevasion,andapenchantforMarmite-and-bananasandwichesasvillainy).Butactuallove—thepowerful,coiledinstinctthatsooftenspringswithoutwarning,puttingoutaneyesopeopledon’tseeallthethingsthatshouldkeepthemfromcommittingtotheirbeloved—wasinMissPlim’scaseamereboilednoodle.
Andyet,whenshereceivedwordfromthepolicethatCharlottehadwillinglyevadedthemwithCaptainO’Riley,thenoodlestirred.ShehadcontactedasmanyoftheWickenLeagueaswereinLondon,summoningthemtoacovengatheringatPettiferHouse—herownhousebeingfartoocleanandtidytohavethatgaggleofoverdressedmiscreantstraipsingthroughit.
“Mydearfriends,”sheaddressedthemonceeveryonewasseatedaroundthediningtable.“Thankyouforcomingatthistroubledhour.”
Thewitchesmurmuredwordsthatsoundedpleasantbut,ifrecorded,sloweddown,andseparatedfromthemassofsound,wouldbeclearlyheardequatingMissPlimtothedevilandsuggestingsomeunmentionable(andsurelyuncomfortable)placesshecouldstoreherspectacles
Teaandtinypinkcakeshadalreadybeenserved,forfoodisagreatweaponwhendealingwithwomenwhosepowerresidesintheirthroats.Awitchwithamouthfulisawitchdisarmed,andMissPlimknewnoenemyworsethanthecovensheled.However,inadeftcounterattack,eachcakehadbeenalteredinsomesmallwaybyitsrecipient:theicingscrapedoff,theglazedcherryremovedandplacedneatlytotheside,whereiteffectedasilent,subtleinsulttothehostessthroughoutthemeeting.
Suchmilitantpassive-aggressivenesswaspracticallyderigueurforwitches.AlthoughtheWickenLeaguehadbeenformedasamutualsupportagency,witchupliftingwitch(oftenwiththeconsequenceofheadsbashedagainstceilingsandanklesbrokenupondescent,untiltheygotthehangofthemagic),itsongoingunofficialmissionwastoprovideanexercisegroundforhostility.Unlikepirates,whoclashedopenlyandliterally—swords,battlehouses,cannonballs—witchesemployedadiscreetanddignifiedviolenceintheirfriendships.Invitationsarrivinglate.Aslow,preciseblinkoftheeyesuponnoticingsomeone’snewhairstyle.Cucumberslicesremovedfromsandwicheswithagrimacethatshiftedimmediatelyintoapolitesmile.Thiscultureservedtokeepeveryoneintheirplace,sothatfewwitcheshadtheself-confidencetotaketheirmagicalpowers,nottomentiontheirknowledgeofwhoperformedcriminalactsofwitchcraft,andgodangerouslyrogue.
Until,thatis,theLeaguepresident’sownheirranoffinthecompanyofapirate.
Or,asMissPlimputit:“Ourdear,braveCharlottehasnoblysacrificedherownsafetyandcomfortbykidnappingaferociouspirateinavaliantefforttoregainBeryl’sblessedamuletforourLeague.”
“Ireadthatshewastheonetobekidnapped,”MissHabershamsaid.MissPlimnoddedtolerantly,forithadcostheranexpensivefavortogetthatinformationinthenewspapersoastoprotectCharlotte’spublicreputationandmakehermorevisibleforrecoveryefforts.Butbeforeshecouldexplainthis,MissHabershamcontinued:“NotagoodexampleofsupposedPlimsuperiority,ifyouaskme.”
MissPlimscowled.Shedrewbreathtoargue—
“IheardshewasworkingincahootswithLadyArmitage,”Mrs.Vickersadded,lookingaroundthetablewhilenoddingvigorously,asifthiswouldmakeeveryoneelseautomaticallyagree.
“Iheardtheamulettheftwasjustadiversion,andactuallysheelopedwiththepirate,”EugeniaCuttle-Plimsaid.ShegaveanastylittleflickofherheadthatwouldhavehadCharlottegraspingAlex’sarmandsaying,“SeewhatImean?”hadshebeentheretowitnessit.
“Descendeo,”MissPlimmutteredthroughtightlips,andEugenia’shead-flickendedinherhatfallingoverherface.
“Lottiewouldneverelope,”Mrs.Pettifercounteredstaunchly.“Shedreamsofhavingalargewedding,withabeautifulgownandmagnificentwhitecake.”
MissPlimrolledhereyes.DelphinehadalwaysbeendeludedaboutCharlotte.ManytimesMissPlimhadtriedtoexplainthatthegirlwasnotaromantic,wouldnevermarry,infacthadnointerestinmenwhatsoever.ButDelphinecouldnotbeartolisten,heridentitytoofusedwithwhatshesupposedCharlotte’stobe.
“CharlotteisentirelyimmunetothesupposedcharmsofCaptainO’Riley,”MissPliminsisted.“Imyselfsawthemtogethertheotherdayandcanassureyouthereisnothingbetweenthembutdisregardanddisdain.CharlottealmostcertainlytookanopportunitytocommandeerhishousesoastojoininthepursuitofLadyArmitage.Itshowsexcellentleadershipskills,unsurprisinginaPlim.”
ShetappedthetableinfrontofMissEdwardinaFox,whowaskeepingtheminutesofthemeeting.“Excellentleadershipskills,”sherepeated,andwatchedasMissFoxwrotethewordsinthespecialshorthandshehaddevisedwhenfirstshewasvotedsecretary(andhadsincemostlyforgotten,asaconsequenceofwhich“excellentleadershipskills”wasnoteddownas“excellentvegetablesocks”).
Satisfiedthatherperspectivehadbeenrecordedforperpetuity,MissPlimreturnedtoscowlingatthegroup.“Whilewemustgivethepublicimpressionofherbeingavictim,soastoforestallanytalkofmarriage,privatelywemustacknowledgeCharlotteasthefinestexampleofwitchery.Itonlygoestoprovethatsheisindeed—”
“TheProphesizedOneandTrueHeirofBerylBlack,”thegroupintonedwithawearinessbornfromtwenty-oneyearsofreminders.
“Justso.Besides,Idon’tnoticeanyofyourushingofftofindourpreciousamulet.”
Theroomfilledwithmutters.Sicknesseswereevoked,twistedanklesdisplayed,timesdeclaredtobedifficult,husbandscastigatedastyrants,andseveralotherexcusespresentedastowhytheladiespresentwerenotincurrenthotpursuitofBeryl’samulet.Somesworetheyhadbegun—butthenastraycloudorrandombluesymbolhadprophesizedtroubleiftheycontinued.OthershadbeenontheirwayoutthedoorthisverymorningtostartthepursuitwhenMissPlim’ssummonscame.
Shelookeddownhernoseatthemall.“CharlotteisdoingimportantworkfortheLeague.Shemustbesupportedatthistime!I’mcallingforvolunteers.”
Seeabovefortheresponsetothis.
MissPlimsighedandshookherhead.“Ladies,ladies,arewewitchesorareweworms?”
“Witches,”murmuredthegroupsulkily.
“Excellent.Thefirstthingwemustdoispreventthenewspapersfrompublishinganyfurtherarticlesonthesubject.Theyhaveservedtheirpurposeadmirablythusfar,butwedon’twanttoallowthemfreerein.Journalistsarealwayssneakingarounduncoveringfacts,solvingcrimes,andgenerallybeingintrepidinthemostinsufferableofways.Ineedvolunteersto—”
“Writeletterstotheeditors,describingCharlotte’ssweetandgentledisposition?”someonesuggested.
“Provideanalibiforher?”someoneelsesuggested.
MissPlimfrowned.“Incantateaseriesofnaturaldisastersatthenewspaperoffices—fallentree,explodedprintingpress,typhooninthepaperstoragecupboard—sotheycannotpublishatall.”
Thisreceivedanexcitedresponse.Iftherewassomethingwitcheslovedbetterthantidying,itwasmakingamessforotherpeopletodealwith.Severalladiesraisedtheirhandsandweresentforthtodotheirworst.
“AndnowanothergrouptolocateLadyArmitageandretrievefromherouramulet.”
Tenhandswerepromptlysatuponormadebusystirringtea.Butwithcajoling(berating),encouraging(threatening),andcheer(justbloodywellmakingpeopledoit),MissPlimputtogetherateamandsentthemontheirway.
Thatleftfourintheroom,aperfectnumberforthefinaltask:trackingCharlotteanddraggingherhomerescuingher.
“Isay,”Eugeniapipedup,“justexactlywhydidCharchoosetohijackCaptainO’Riley’sdecrepitcottage,consideringallthepossibilitiesparkedoutsidethemuseum?”
Thatleftthreeintheroom.
MissPlimglaredathersisterandMrs.Chuke.“Ladies,wemustfindCharlottebeforemy—beforeherreputationiscompletelyruined.”
“Itshouldbeeasy,”Mrs.Pettifersaid.“Lottieissuchakind,biddablegirl.”
MissPlimandMrs.Chukeexchangedaglance.
“Ofcoursesheis,darling,”Mrs.Chukesaid.“ImightjusthaveDearlovebringalongagunandsomehandcuffsanyway.Incasethepiratemakestrouble,”sheaddedhastily,uponseeingthehorrifiedlookonMrs.Pettifer’sface.“Notthathewill,”sheaddedfurther,whenthehorrifiedlookworsened.“Buthowshallwefindthem?”
“Wealreadyhave,”MissPlimsaid.“Delphine’sbutlerwascontactedbyabutlerinDagenham.HehadinformationthatCharlotteandCaptainO’Rileyspentthenightinapublicestablishmentthere.”
“Inapubwithapirate?”Mrs.Chukesaid,hereyesgrowingwide.“Ohdear.”
Itwastobeasentimentmurmuredseveralmoretimesthatmorning.Thewitchesconsultedtheauguries,traveledbycarriagetoDagenham,andlocatedtheAngler’sRetreatwithefficientspeed.Theyproved,alas,nottobeinthenickoftime,forCharlottewaswellgone.Norweretheyclosetothenickoftime,foranycluesleftbehindhadbeeneithertakenbythepoliceorcleanedawaybythechambermaid.Infact,theyweresofarfromthenickoftimethat,whentheyarrivedattheinn’sbedroom,theyfoundMrs.Rotunder,Ned,andCeciliaalreadythere.
Threebesomsflickedopentobecomedaggers.
Threeswordsweredrawnfrompirates’belts.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”everyonedemandedinunison.
“Lookingfortherenegades,”everyoneansweredatonce.
“Mybutlertoldustheywerehere,”Mrs.Rotunderexplained.“Butwearrivedtoolate;theyhadalreadyflownthecoop.Thebadnewsisthattheyhadpolicemenhuntingthem.Theworsenewsisthattheinnkeepersaidtheroomwasrentedbyamarriedcouple.”
Heremphasiswasnotsomuchaninnuendoasanout-and-outslur.ButMissPlimonlyshrugged.
“Thatisastandardploy,claimingtobemarriedinordertosecurethelastroominaninn.Itmeansnothing.Besides,look—twobeds!”
Mrs.Rotundersmirked.“Ohwell,twobeds,you’requiteright—thatcompletelysavesyourgirl’sreputation.Everyoneknowstwobedsarethebestdeterrentthereistoseduction.”
“Exactly,”MissPlimsaidwithanod.
“I’mnotsure,Judith,”Mrs.Chukesaidworriedly.“Apiratecanbeunscrupulous.”
“Butawitchcanbedeadly,”MissPlimremindedher.“Andremember,Charlottehasbeenraisedbystrongwomenwhowouldneverletamandominatethem.”
“That’strue,”Mrs.Pettifersaidwithadreamysigh.“IoncemixedgunpowderinClaudeMonet’spaintsandsworeI’dlightamatchifhedidnotpaintmelikeoneofhisFrenchgirls.”
Everyonestaredather.
“Wasn’tthatjustbeforeheranofftojointhearmy?”Mrs.Chukeasked.
“That’snottheimpressionIgot,”Mrs.Pettiferrepliedwithasniff.“Mypointis,nodoubtLottiealsothreatenedtoblowCaptainO’Rileyup.”
Therewasaslightpauseataninterestingjunctureofthatsentence,causingeveryonetoglanceateachother.
“Mrs.Pettifer,”Ceciliasaidcautiously,“amIrightinthinkingyouactuallywantCharlotte’sreputationruined?”
Mrs.Pettiferflushed.“Heavensno,dear!Egads,theverythought!Myantisocial,bookishdaughterbeingforcedtomarryamanwhoishandsome,ownshisownhome,andispresumablyrich?”ShecastaninquiringlooktoNed,whoshruggedthennodded.
“Rich,”sherepeated,rollingthewordaroundhermouthasifitwereabonbon.“AndIthinkIalreadymentionedhandsome.Lottiecoulddoworse.”
“No,shecouldn’t!”MissPlimfumed,hertopknotofhairreverberatingwiththeforceofthewords.“He’sapirate!She’sawitch!Imagineiftheyhadabig,joyfulwedding!Orworse,childrenwhomeveryoneadores!Ifthisgoeson,Delphine,we’reriskinganendtotwocenturiesofsuccessfulhostilities!”
Herfacehadbecomesored,shelookedalmosthealthy.ButMrs.Pettiferremainedunconvinced.“Aweddingwouldbeanopportunityforexcitingtrouble,”sheargued.“Brawling.Poisoningeachother.Screaming.”
“Dancing.Sharingfood.Laughing,”MissPlimretorted.
Anunhappymurmurwentthroughthecompany.
“CaptainO’Rileywon’tmarryMissPettifer,”Nedsaidsomberly.“Hisfatherdalliedwithawitch,anditcausedhismothersuchdistressshediedfromabrokenheart.Well,andabrokenneckafterthrowingherselfdownthestairs.Thefatherthenmarriedthewitchand…”Heshruggeduncomfortably.“It’sableakstory,toobleakforladies’ears—eveniftheladiesarewitchesandpirates.Let’sjustsayO’RileyhatestheWickenLeagueperhapsevenmorethantheWisteriaSocietydoes,andcertainlyforbetterreason.”
Mrs.Pettiferfrownedanxiouslyatthisnews,butMissPlimwasgleeful.“Thankyou,sir,thishaseasedmymind.”ShebestoweduponNedthetight,brieftwitchoflipsthatshelikedtoconsiderasmile.Hestaredbackathercoldly.“Charlottewillcomehomewithherownheartbrokenandshouldbehavemorecautiouslyfromhereon.Iconsiderthatawin.”
Mrs.Pettifermadeasmallsoundofdismay.CeciliaandNedlookedgrim.EvenMrs.Chukeseemedratheraghast.ButMissPlimcontinuedblithely.“Itshouldnotbehardtotracethemfarther.Someonemusthavewitnessedwhichdirectiontheyheadedafterleaving.”
“East,”saidaquietvoice.EveryoneturnedwithsurprisetoseeMissDearlovestandingbytheopendoorway,whereshehadgoneunnoticedtheentiretime.Sheloweredhereyesshyly.“Ibegyourpardon.Theinnkeeperjustnowinformedmehesawabattlehouseflyingthatway.”
“Battlehouse.”Mrs.Rotunderspatalaugh.“Youmeanshack.”
“Authentichistoriccottage,”Ceciliacorrected,unabletohelpherself.
Mrs.Rotundergavehersuchacontemptuouslook,Nedhalf-raisedhissword.Theolderwomansteppedback,hatfeathersquivering.
“WellInever!”shehuffed.“Youngpeoplethesedaysquiteastonishme.Runningofftogether,standingupforeachother!Mr.Rotunderwouldneverconsiderdefendingmyhonorinsuchagallantway!”Shepaused,realizingheroutragewasperhapsmisdirected,thenthefeathersshookoncemore.“IforoneaminagreementwithMissPlim.Thehooligansmustbestoppedandbroughttojustice—er,Imean,returnedtothebosomoftheircommunities.Wesimplycannottoleratethiskindofromance!Whowilljoinmeinheadingeastwardtofindthem?”
“Iwill!”MissPlimdeclaredinaringingvoice.“Delphine,gohomeandwaitincasefurtherinformationcomesthere.Mrs.Chuke—”
“I’mcomingtoo,darling!Mybreakfastmuffinthismorningwasinanunusualshape,whichseemedtopredicttravelforme.”Shesnappedherfingers.“Dearlove,fetchmypurseandpoisonsfromthecarriage.”
Mrs.Pettiferstaredinamazementathersister.“You’llflyinapirate’shouse?”
“ForthesakeoftheWickenLeague,”MissPlimreplied,liftingherchinheroine-fashion.
“AndforthesakeofCharlotte,”Mrs.Pettiferadded.
“Ofcourse.”MissPlimdismissedtheconcernwithawaveofherhand.
CeciliaturnedtoMrs.Rotunder.“You’llallowwitchesinyourhouse?”sheaskedincredulously.
“Itmightbefun,”Mrs.Rotunderrepliedwithashrug.“Besides,”sheaddedinawhisperedaside,“haveyouseentheirjewelry?IfIdon’tmakeaprofitoutofthistrip,I’llrelinquishmyblackflaginshame.”
Andsotheladiestroopedoutoftheinnroom,dressesflouncingandhatfeathersswooping,leavingNedandCeciliaalone.Theyoungpiratecouplelookedateachotherindazedsilence.
“Youknowwe’llhavetocatchAlexandMissPettiferfirst,”Ceciliasaid.“Wecannotleavethemtothemachinationsofthatwoman.ShemakesmyauntDarlingtonlooklikeasmall,fluffykitten.”
Nedfrowned.“Ihopeyou’renotharboringanyromanticideasaboutthepair.YouknowAlexhassworntonevermarry.”
“AndMissPettiferisdestinedtoleadtheWickenLeague,”Ceciliaadded,“thereforewouldneverchooseapirate.”
“It’sadoomedrelationship.”
“Nohopeatall.”
Theyglancedatthetwobedssetneatlyapart,andthelongdentsinthecarpetwheretheyhadbeenpreviouslypushedtogether.Catchingeachother’seyeagain,theysharedasmile.
“You’llhavetowearaplainsuitwhenyoustandupashisbestman,”Ceciliasaid.
Nedsighedmournfully,thenputhisarmaroundherwaist.“Youwon’tbeabletodrinkwineinatoasttothem.”
“Notunlesstheyhaveaseven-monthengagement,”Ceciliaagreed,touchingahandtoherstomach.Theyswitchedoffthelight(andstolethecomplimentarymintchocolates)beforeleavingtheroom,noddingpolitelytoachambermaidwaitinginthecorridoroutside.
Assoonastheyweregone,thechambermaidtookoffhercapandapronandhurrieddowntheroadtoRothburyHouse.Sheknockedattheservants’door.
“Hooper?”shewhisperedwhenitopened,glancingaroundtobesurenooneelsecouldhear.“Ihavesomeinformationforyou.”
LaterthatdayontheoutskirtsofBath,Cecilia’saunt,thedreadpirateMissDarlington,receivedanotefromherhousemaid.Shebeganhyperventilatingevenbeforeshe’dfinishedreadingit.
“Preparethehouseatonce!”shecommanded,clutchingherletteropenerlikeaswordassherosefromthechaironwhichshehadbeenlounging.“Battlestations!Closeallwindowsandstartincantatingtheunmooringphrase.Andreadythemedicinekit.Thereisnotamomenttolose!”
“What’swrong?”askedherhusband,settingasidethebookofByron’spoetryhehadbeenreadingaloud.
“Ceciliaisinmortalperil,”MissDarlingtonexplained.“Ihavejustreceivedinformation—goodGod,Icannotbelievesheiswalkingaboutinhercondition!”
“Whatcondition?”askedherhusbandanxiously.
MissDarlingtoncollapsedbackintothechair,unabletobeartheweightofhernewfoundknowledge.“Theinterestingkind!”
“Ohdear,”murmuredherhusband,tryingnottosmile.
“AndIjustknowshe’snotwearinganyprotection.”
“It’salittlelateforthat,isn’tit,dear?”
Shepinnedhimwithascowlsosharpheflinched.“Hat,”shesnapped.“Scarf.Rubber-soledshoes.YouknowhowdelicateCeciliaisatthebestoftimes.Wemustrushtoherside!”
“Whereisshejustnow?”
“Headinginthesamedirectionaseveryotherpirate:towardIsabellaArmitage.Weneedtogettherefirst.AndIknowjustwhereIzzywillbe.”Shestabbedherletteropenersohardthroughthenotethattheoaktabletopbeneathitcracked.“Tally.Ho.”
MissPlimmightnotbekittenish,butifshehadbeenabletotakeonelookintothepiratemaven’seyesatthatmoment,evenshewouldhavefaintedinterror.
AknockcameagainatHooper’sdoor.“It’sMary,”whisperedtheAngler’sRetreatchambermaid.“Ihavemorenewsforyou.”
Hooperbroughtouthissecretnotebook.“Goahead.”
“Anotherpolicemanhasjustbeensniffingaroundtheroomwherethepiratesstayed.AndwhenIsaysniffing,Imeanthatliterally.”
“Areyousurehewasapoliceman?”
“HesaidhisnamewasDetectiveInspectorCreeve.Hegavemetheshivers,tobehonest.Notjustthesniffing,butthewayhestaredatme.Itwasdownrightcreepy.”
“Hm,”Hoopersaid,forhehimselfstaredattheprettychambermaidoftenenoughanddidn’twanttothinkhemighthavebeendownrightcreepytoo.(Hehadbeen.)“Idoubtthisissignificant,Mary.Maybethemansniffedbecausehehadacold.”
“But—”
“I’msureit’snothing.”Heclearedhisthroat.“Isay,isthereanychanceyou’refreeFridaynight?Iknowanicelittlerestaurantinthevillage…”
Thedoorshutinhisface.
14CHARLOTTEFINDSMUCHTOENTERTAINHER—ANUNEXPECTEDPROBLEM—FLYINGLESSONS—FAMILYJEWELS—THEDISAPPOINTMENTOFANUNTROUBLEDCHILDHOOD—CLACTON-ON-SEA—ALEXISIRRATIONAL—ALIVELYDISCUSSION—THEGHOSTOFMISCHIEFPAST
IfCharlottedisapprovedmoreofCaptainO’Riley’shouse,shemightbeabletotalkaboutitless.Butsheknewwhatshewas.AlexandBixbywouldhearnothingbuttruthfromher.ForthreehoursastheyfleweasttowardClacton-on-Sea,sheblamedthem,andlecturedthem,andtheyboreitasnoothermeninEnglandwouldhaveborneit:sobadly,theyconsideredlockingherinthecloset,untiltheyrememberedwhathappenedlasttimethatwasattempted.
Shehadmuchtooccupyher.Thedust.Thespiderwebs.Thesluggishrateoftravel,secondonlytothesuddendangerousspeed.Thedust(again).Notenoughtea.Bixbyremediedthelatter,alongwithaprovisionoffreshscones,afterwhichtherewasthepleasureofdiscoveringjustwhatexactlygentlemenpiratesconsideredadequateforalavatory.Charlottewasabletoentertainherselfwithexpressionsofhorroraboutthatoneforquitesometime.EventuallyBixbylockedhimselfintheclosetandAlex,forcedtoremainatthehelm,decidedtoofferheraflyinglesson.
Charlottewasdisappointedsurprisedtodiscoverthiswasnotametaphorforsomethingmoreinteresting.Sheeyedhimsuspiciouslyashedemonstratedthevariouspiecesofnavigationalequipment.“Areyoujusttryingtodistractmefromsuggestingimprovementstoyourhome?”
“Notatall,”Alexrespondedtonelessly.
“Becauseitisonlymyintentiontobehelpful.”
“Ofcourse.”
“Ifyoualphabetizedyourboxesofloot,youwouldfeelsomuch—”
“Charlotte?”Hesmiledather.
“Yes?”
“Shutup.”
Shegasped.“WellInev—”
Hecaughtherbythefrontofhershirt,pulledherclose,andkissedher.Andifhefelthertriumphantlittlesmirkagainsthislips,hewaswiseenoughnottosayso.
Thekisswaspleasantinitsownway(i.e.,thewayofcoffee-flavoredchocolatemeltinginone’smouth,itswarmthspreadingthroughone’sbodyuntilremaininguprightbecomesincreasingly,butdeliciously,difficult).ButitfailedtoconvinceCharlotteoftherebeinganycharminthepirate’smessiness.
Shehadtoadmit,however,thatsheratherlikedthemessinessofhischarm.Afteralifetimeofcarefullycraftednarratives,havingsomeoneshowherjusthowdelightfulunexpectednesscouldbe—suddenkisses,sensuoussmiles—provedenlivening.Butalsoratherfrightening.Howcouldoneprepareacorrectresponsetotheunexpected?CharlotteknewthatoverthepasttwodaysshehadbehavedsounlikeElizabethBennetorAnneElliotastobealmostauthenticallyherself,andthatwasfartooriskytobeconsideredagoodthing.
ShedidnotmindexposingherflawstoAlexO’Riley,forhewasjustapirate,andassoonasshehadheramuletshewouldundoubtedlyneverseehimagain.Andohdear,Bixby’ssconesmusthavegonedownthewrongway,forsuddenlyshefeltanoddheartburn.
Therealtroublewouldcomeifshegotintothebadhabitofbeingherselfwhenshereturnedtoregularsociety.Noonewantedtoseeayoungwomandressedintrousers,orlaughingwithabandon,orfeelingthings.
Thekissendedfinally,andwithamutualsightheyreturnedtheirfocustotheflightlesson.Alexguidedhertostandatthegreatspokedwheel,andthenpositioninghimselfbehindher,hesethishandsonhers.
“Thewheelisaconduitforthemagic,”heexplained.“Therearenomechanicsinvolved.Solongasitcanbeattachedinsomesecuremannertothehouse,andthenmovedtoprovidedirection,itdoesnotevenstrictlyspeakinghavetobeawheel.Butconventionhelps,becausethepirate’sstateofmindisall-important,andit’slesseasytobelieveyourselfpilotingahousebymeansofastickorhairbrushorsomething.”
“Ifstateofmindisall-important—consideringmostpiratesseemtobeutterlymad,howdotheykeeptheirhousesaloft?”Charlotteasked.
“Aren’tyougoingtoadd‘presentcompanyexcepted’?”
“No.”
Hegrinned.“Fairenough.Tobehonest,itdependsonthemadness.Delusionsofgrandeurareactuallyhelpfulinourtrade.”
“What’sthis?”Sheputherhandonaleverprotrudingfromthewheelshaft.Alexhastilypulleditaway.
“Careful.That’smyemergencyverticalthrustaccelerator.”
Beforeshecouldmakethekindofreplythatwouldhorrifyevenapenny-dreadfulheroine,Alexbeganintoningthephrasetotakethemoutofmomentumautomatica.Thehousecreaked,shiftingintohismanualcontrol.Atonce,Charlottefeltmagicpressherhandsmorefirmlyagainstthewheel.Thesensationwasuncomfortable,andnotinthewayherownmagicrecentlyhadbecome,ignitingnervesandstrokingcarnalinstincts.Rather,itfeltheavy,suffocating.Thiswasindeedwhatshe’dalwaysimaginedabombasticpirate’smagictobe,orperhapsaman’smagic:forcefulcomparedtothefineravelingofwitchery.
“Youraccentisstrongerwhenyouincantate,”shenoted.
“Oh?”Thewordwaslikeashield.Withspikesonit.Bloodstainedspikes.ButbeforeCharlottecouldquestionwhy,hewentonincantating,lowandlilting.Heslippedhisfingersbetweenhers,backandforth,untilherbreathwasmovingintimewithit.Gentlytogethertheyturnedthewheel,andthehouseveered,movingintoapalehazeofclouds.
“Canyoufeelthemagic?”heaskedbetweenphrases.
“Ihopeyouaretalkingabouttheincantation,”shesaid.“Otherwise,thatisaridiculouslylewdquestion.”
Hechuckled.
“Don’tlaugh.Magicisnotfun.”
“Really?”Heshiftedherhairaside,murmuredaereoagainstherneck,thencooledthewarmthofitwithhistongue.Thehousebegantoclimb,evenasCharlottefeltherstomachsink.
“It’shardtobreathe,”shewhispered.
Immediatelyhemovedback.“Sorry.Isupposeahousewouldberatherburdensomeafteralifetimeofliftingteacupsandpowderpuffs.”Heincantatedthemomentumautomatica,andmagiceasedintothewheel.
“Powderpuffs?”Charlotteturnedtopresenthimwithanaffrontedglare,butheonlygrinneddownather,undaunted.“I’llhaveyouknow,sir,thatwitchesdoimportantwork.Weeffectrealsocialandpoliticalchange—”
“Andsteallotsoflovelyjewels?”
“Well,yes,butit’snotfun.”
“Thenyou’vebeendoingitallwrong,darling.”
“Tsk.”Shetriedtomoveaway,buthesteppedcloser,histhighspressingherstothewheelbehindthem.Thehouseswooped,orperhapsitwasherstomach.Alexslidafingerdownthelineofhershirtbuttons.“Istheflightmagicbotheringyounow?”
Sheconsideredthis.Theairaroundthemhadbecomealmostcozy,asiftheywereswathedineiderdowns.Itthrobbedslightlywithself-perpetuatingenchantmentbutnolongerdraggedonhersenses,makingherfeellikeshewasturningintostone,wood,glass.
“I’mfine,”shesaid.Hishandwasathertrouserbuttonsnow.Thethrobbingoftheairbecamestronger,andinthebackofhermindElizabethBennetwassurprisingly,andratherenthusiastically,nodding.ThatCharlotte’sbehavioroverthepasttwodayshadsocorruptedaliteraryfigmentofherimaginationwouldhavetroubledherwereshenotfocusinginsteadoncommittingsuchbehavioronceagain.
Besides,shewasmerelybeingpractical.Ithadbecomeapparentthetensionbetweenthemneededreleasingonaregularbasis,forthesakeoftheirhealth—no,wait,forthesakeofobtainingtheamulet!Charlottecouldnotfocusonthatgoalifconstantlyarguingwithapirate.ItwasherLeaguedutytohavesexwithhim.
“Absolutelyfine,”shereiterated(althoughitmustbesaidshecouldnolongerrecallwhatthequestionhadbeen).
“Grand.”Alexsmiled.“Let’shaveadifferentkindoffunthen.”
Ah,excellent,thingsweregoingtogetmetaphoricalafterall.
Alexlayitdownasageneralrulethatifhedoubtedwhetherhelikedawoman,hecertainlyoughttokeephishandoutofherunderwearwhilesheleanedforwardwithherbrowpressedagainsthisshoulder,whimperingeverynowandagain.ButhedidlikeCharlottePettifer—wouldlikeherevenifshewasn’tdoinginterestingthingswithherownhandinsidehisunderwear.Andsincehecouldnottellherso(ofcoursenot!hewasapirateandarake;hedidnottalkaboutemotions),hecouldatleastmakeherfeelverygood.
Thatshemadehimfeeljustasgoodwasabonus.
“I’vealwayswonderedsomething,”hesaidafterward,hisfingerstanglingwithherbraceletashetriedlazilytodistractherfromtidyingherself.“Whybees?”
Charlotteslappedhishand.Hesmiledandreachedpastherinsteadtotakeholdofawheelspoke,casuallynavigatingthehouseawayfromaflockofgeese
“Beesrepresentindustryandcommunity,”sheexplained,continuingtobuttonuphertrousers.“Thereforetheyarewellsuitedtowitches,asweworkforthesakeofEngland.”
Helaughed.“You’rejoking.”
“Imostcertainlyamnot.”Butshepaused,bitingherlip,forwitchesarenotonlyindustriousbutunfailinglytruthful.(Exceptwhenstealing,swindling,evadingtaxes,providingdetailstolawenforcementofficers,andassuringtheirmother-in-lawthataknittedyellowteacozyintheshapeofachickenwasexactlywhatthey’dalwayswantedfortheirbirthday.AllforthesakeofEngland,ofcourse.)“Also,beesfeatureontheWickenLeaguefounder’sancestralcoatofarms.”
Alexfrowned,recollectingBlackBeryl’sheraldicdesign.“No,it’sravens.”
“Yes,er,Imeantthedeputyfounder,AndromedaPlim.BerylBlackwas,ofcourse,ourfirstleaderandinnowaywhatsoeverbetrayedormurdered.Sincewearemakingboldinquiries,Captain,whydoyouhavearingcontainingaportraitofCeciliaBassingthwaite?”
Takenbysurprise,Alexblushed.Therealizationshehadfoundhisring’ssecretcompartmentandlookedthereinthrewhimbackintooldmemories—nunssearchinghislaundryforsins,Deirdrefindingthemoneyhe’dsecretlysavedtorunawayfromhome.Buthisbrainhadlongbeenaminefieldofburiedmisery,andhewasusedtoitssuddenexplosions.Thattheybecamemorefrequentwhenheallowedhimselfemotionalintimacywithanotherpersonwaswhyhegenerallydidnotdoso.Handsinunderwear—fine.Heartsinvolved—not.
ButdamnifCharlottePettiferandherspiky,fearless,witchygorgeousnessdidn’tkeepdrawingouthisheart.
Hescowledattheskyasifhecouldflyawayfromher,eventhoughshewasinhishouse—standingbetweenhimandhiswheel—smellingsoenticinglyofsoapandsoftnessthathewantedtolickher.
Andnowhewasblushingagain,likeacallowboy.
Charlottestaredinwonderatthepirate.Thesightofhisreddenedskinwasmadeallthemoreendearingbyhowhetriedtohideit,liftingahandtopushbackhishair.Theringinquestion,circlinghisthumb,glintedasifitknewitwasbeingdiscussed.Charlotterecollectedthefeelofitshard,smoothrubybetweenherbreasts,pressingfirmlyintothesoftflesh,andthenshewasblushingtoo.
“AreyouinlovewithCecilia?”sheasked.Thewordsdidnotfeellikegritinherthroat,nordidherpulseshudderassheawaitedhisreply.AnysuggestionthatshecaredaboutwhomCaptainO’Rileyfanciedwasutternonsense.
“Well?”sheprompted,havinggivenhimoneandahalfsecondstorespond.
“No.”Flickinghisgazetoher,heallowedhertoseethetruthinhiseyes.Therewasindeednoloveinthedarkbluedepths,onlyanold,wearycynicismCharlotterecognizedalltoowell.“Theportraitisn’tofCeciliabuthermother,Cilla,afamouspiratewhowasmurderedmanyyearsago.Andbeforeyouask,Ididn’tlovehereither.Ineverknewher.TheringusedtobelongtoNedLightbourne.ItwasallhehadofCeciliaforyearsbeforehefinallymether.Igrewtiredofhimmooningoverit,mutteringpromises,dreamingofagirlhedidn’tevenknow.SoItookitforsafekeeping.”
ThissoundedtoomuchlikeaninterestingromantictaleforCharlotte’sliking.OfcourseCeciliawouldhaveamurderedmotherandpiningadorer.Nodoubtherfathertoohadbeenremarkable—agreatpoet,perhaps.Charlottedidnotwishforherownmothertodiehorribly,butthatMrs.Pettifersufferednothingmorefascinatingthanlumbago,andthatMr.Pettiferwasa—a—um,whateveritwashedidwhenheleftthehouseeachmorning—didnotfurnishherwithaparticularlyexcitinghistory.
ShescowledatAlexasifCecilia’swondrousnesswashispersonalfault.
“Howisstealingsomeone’sringandwearingityourself‘safekeeping’?”
“Notthering,”Alexcorrected.“Safekeepinghisheart.Butit’salongstoryandithasaboringlyhappyending.NedandCeciliaaremarriednow.Iofferedtogivetheringbacktothem,butthey’vehadenoughofghosts.Iwearitfor—”Hestopped,shrugging,asiftheexplanationdidnotmatterasmuchastheshadowsinhiseyessuggested
“Forfriendship,”Charlotteguessed
Heshruggedagain.“Piratesdon’thavefriends.Notreally.”
Charlotteleanedbackagainstthewheelandregardedhimforalong,quietmoment.Hisexpressionashereturnedhergazewaswryandunblinking.Dangerous,itremindedher.Lawless.
Butwhatshesawwasamess.Andbeingawitch,shewantedtofixit.
AlexO’Rileymightbeaproud,unpleasantsortofman,butthiswaseverythingsinceCharlottereallylikedhim.Sheleanedforwardabruptlytokisshischeek.
Thecottageshookwithsurprise.
“Stoptryingtocrashmyhouse,Charlotte,”hemuttered.
Theysharedasardonicsmile.Andifittrembledalittleattheedgeswithwishing,aching—well,theybothlookedawaybeforetheynoticed.
BymidafternoontheyarrivedatClacton-on-Sea.Withnootherpiratesinsight,theydecidedtolandthecottageonapier,andAleximmediatelysuggestedawalkalongthebeach.Certainly,LadyArmitagemustbefoundandtheamuletretrieved(andTomrescued),buttherewasnoparticularhurry.Itwasnotasiftheamulethadanexpirydate(bestnottothinkaboutTom).Alittlefreshairandsunlightwouldinvigoratethemallforthesearch.
CharlotteandBixbydisagreed.“Ishouldlikebeachesinfinitelybetter,”Charlottereplied,“iftheywerepavedinadifferentmanner.Itwouldsurelybemuchmorerationalifcobblestonesinsteadofsandmadetheorderoftheday.”
Bixbynoddedinagreement,butAlexsighedandrolledhiseyes.“Morerational,mydearMissPettifer,”hesaid,“butitwouldnotbenearsomuchlikeabeach.”
However,theladycouldnotbeconvinced.Herboots’bombcompartmentswouldgetcloggedwithsand.Herhairwouldbetossedaboutabominably.Shewouldrisksuntan.Furthermore,shemustfindBeryl’samulet.Enoughtimehadbeenwastedalreadyonshenanigans!EvennowLadyArmitagemightbelearningtheamulet’smagic.Thatshewoulduseitfordiabolicalendswasbeyondquestion.England’ssafetycouldwellbeatriskifCharlottedidnotsucceed!Worse—MissPlimwouldbedispleased.DidAlexwantthatonhisconscience?Didhe?Well?
“Weshouldplanforamethodicalsearch,”sheconcluded.
“Irecommendagridpattern,”Bixbysaid.
Alexexhaledasigh.“Youarebothbeingtoofastidious.”
“Toofastidious?”Charlottefrowned,clearlystrugglingtoconnectthosewords.“Thisisatownofsomesize.Thewomanmightbeanywhere.”
“Exceptthebeach?”headdedfacetiously,justtowatchhereyesflare.“Stopworryingsomuch,darling.Alittlestrollfirst—”
“Youmaystrollifyouwish,butIintendtosearch.Bixbywillaccompanyme.”
Bixbyraisedadisapprovingeyebrowatthisproclamation.Alex,forhispart,raisedtwo.
“Ibegyourpardon,madam,butBixbyisinmyemploy,and—”
“AndIamayoung,innocentlady,”Charlotteinterjected,smilingandbattingherlashes(andthenneedingtostop,wincingasshestrainedaneyelid).Shedidindeedlookyoungandinnocent,havingchangedbackintoherpreposterouslyfrilledwhitedress,andwithherlong,richhairunbound.ShelookedlikeapureEnglishrose,delicateandeasilybruised.Alex’sheartsoftenedashegazedather.
Hisbrain,however,laughedsardonically.
Charlottemusthavesensedit,forshetightenedhersmileuntilitresemblednothingsomuchasathorn.Producinglaceglovesfromapocket,sheyankedthemontoherhandswithsuchviolenceAlexwassurprisedshedidn’tbreakafinger.HeandBixbyexchangedawaryglance.
“Gentlemen,”shesaidstridently,“Irequireescort.Iamcertainyouagreenoladyissafewalkingalonethroughastrangetown.”
Sheliftedherskirtsalittletochecktheguntuckedinherweaponizedboots.
“Idoagree,”Alexsaid.“Youareindeednotsafewalkingthroughthistown.Godonlyknowswhoyoumighthurt.”
“Well!”Charlotteflungdownherskirtswithahuff.Thenproducingherlittleredbesomfromapocket,sheflickedoutatinyitemthatshefannedwithbriskenergybeforeherface.
Alexcarefullymaintainedanunaffectedexpressionashewatchedher.Thefactthefanwasactuallyashuriken,orsmall,star-shapedweapon,hadapparentlyescapedherattention,andhefeltnoinclinationtopointthisout,lestshethrowitathim.FromthecornerofhiseyehesawBixbybitehislipinanefforttorepressalaugh.
Bloodyhell!Itwasbadenoughthewomanhadgotunderhisskin—thatshe’ddrivenDanielBixbytothevergeofhumanreactionswasthefinalstraw!
“Ishallaccompanyyouthroughthetown,madam,”hesaid.“WeshallfindLadyArmitage,recovertheamulet,andhaveyoubackhomeinLondonbytomorrow.Bixbycanremainhereand—and—sweepafloororsomething.”
“Ibegyourpardon,”Bixbysaidreprovingly.
“Nonsense!”Charlottereplied.
“Goddamnit,”Alexgrumbled.
Allatthesametime.
Thehouseshuddered.Itsdoorsbegantoslam.
“Stopdoingthat!”Alexshoutedattheconfoundedlittlewitch.
Sheproppedherfistsagainstherhips.“Doyouhearmesayingtheincantation?”
“Youdon’tneedto,woman!Youaremagiconlegs!”
Silenceclangeddown.Bixbyblushed.Charlottestoodwithhermouthajar.AndAlexsighed,rubbingathumbnailsohardagainsthisbrowitleftaredmark
Thentheshoutingbeganagain.
Outside,adozenorsopeoplewhohadbeenperambulatingalongClactonpieruntilagreatuglystonecottagelandedonit,andwhowereatthatverymomentabouttoknockonthedoorandaskifthepiratemightpleasemovehispremisesjustalittleasidesotheycouldgetpast,pausedtoglancenervouslyateachother.
“Iwouldnotriskit,ifIwereyou,”advisedanelderlyladyattheedgeofthegroup.Shelookedratherlikeanelectrifiedghostinastiffblackdress,hergrayhairstandingerectbeneathablacklaceparasolandherfacestretchedoverthin,sharpbones.Hersmile,however,seemedtocracklewithlife.“IamadaughteroftheFairleyclan,andassuchIrecognizetroublewhenIseeit.That’sanIrishpiratehouse,youmarkmywords.”
Thegroupgasped,mostlybecausehertoneseemedtodemandit.“Andweallknowwhatthatmeans,”sheaddedsignificantly.
“Yes,yes,hmm,ofcourse,”mutteredthecrowd—whichmightbetranslatedas,“Actuallyno,wouldn’thaveaclue,surelypiratesaregenericallybad,whatevertheirnationality?”
Suddenly,frominsidethehousecameanexclamation:“Fiend!”Thebuildingclatteredagainstthewoodenplanksofthepier.
“Isuggestyouswimforit,”saidtheelderlylady.
Thegrouphesitated,fortheyallweredressedinrichandheavyclothing,nottomentionshoesthat,ifstolenbyaWickenLeaguemember,wouldhavefedseveralorphansforamonth.
“Virago!”
Thebuildingleapedtwofeetbeforesmackingdownagain.
Splash.
Theelderlyladywatchedthedozenorsogentlewomenandmenpaddledesperatelyfortheshore.Shechuckledalittletoherself.Then,withacontentedlywickedsmile,sheedgedpastthepirate’shouseandambledawaytowardherown,stoppingonlytopurchaseanicecreamfromavendoronthebeachasshewent.
15THEYARELOST—LOBSTERANDLAUNDRY—LIVEENTERTAINMENT—ASUDDENEXIT—IFONLY—TAKINGTHELONGWAYHOME—TWOHEARTSINTHEDARK—TURNINGBACK—THEYAREFOUND
Themostincomprehensiblethingintheworldtoawomanwasamanwhorejectsherofferofdirections.CharlottemightneverhavesetfootinClacton-on-Seabefore,butassoonassheobtainedamapofthetown(notstealingit,sinceiftheshopkeeperwantedmoneyforhismapsheobviouslywouldnotdisplaythemonawallrack,butinsteadlocktheminacabinetbehindthecounter,guardedbyhimself,apitbullterrier,andtwoalarmsystems),sheautomaticallybecameanexpertthroughthesimpleexpedientofreading.Alex,however,justseemedtogoanywhichwayhehappenedupon.
“I’mfamiliarwiththistown,andknowashortcut,”heinsisted,tuggingonherhandasheattemptedtoleadherdownentirelythewrongstreet.
“Butit’snotonthemap,”shereplied,tuggingback.
“Map,”hescoffed,asiftheworditselfwaspurenonsense,letalonetheconcept.
Thuswenttheconversation,onaloopingcircuit,overthetwodaystheyspentsearchingthetownforLadyArmitage.AtnighttheybarelyspokebeyondinstructionslikeMore,faster,andMyGoddon’tyoudarestoporIwillsmackyouwithmyshoe,astheyengagedinwhatCharlottelikedtothinkofasreasonableconstitutionalexercise,andAlexviewedmorefrankly—i.e.,usingotherwordsbeginningwithf.Butthedayswerefullofargument.
Forexample:“You’reeatingyourlobsterallwrong,”hesaidastheypicnickedonthecottageroofattwilight,lookingoutoverthesea.(Officially,theyweresearching—afterall,whoknewwhenLadyArmitagemighttakeaskiffoutforanevening’ssail?)
“Asavegetarian,”Charlotteretorted,“youhavenorighttocomment.Idodeclare—”
Shepaused,suddenlybreathless,asacool,whisperingbreezesweptupfromtheshore,thesky’sownincantation,makinghershiver.Herderelictimaginationstirredwithdreams.WhyhadJaneAustennotadvisedherofhowvastanexpanseawoman’swondermightencompass?Couldsheevenreturntoherscrupulousexistenceafterwatchingwildstarsdanceoutfrombeyondtheedgeoftheworld?
Ofcourse,thequestionwasredundant.ItwasherprophesizedfateandherdutytoremaininLondonandonedayleadtheWickenLeague.Butperhapsitdidn’thavetobeasdrearyasshe’dalwaysanticipated.“WhenIgetmyamuletback,”shesaid,mostlytoherself,“Iwilluseittohelpotherpeopleknowlifecanbethisbeautiful.”
Alexstiffened.Sheglancedathim,andfoundhiseyesdarkwithwaryamusementastheystareddownather.
“What?”sheaskedanxiously.
“Yousurpriseme.”
“Why,becauseyoudoubtIwillbeatyoutotheamulet?”
She’dmeantitasajoke,buttherewasnohumorinhim.“No,becauseyoudon’ttalklikeawitchwould.”
Charlottelaughedalittle,frownedalittle,consideredrunningawaytohidealittle.“Andhowdoesawitchtalk?”
“Idon’tknow.”Helookedaway,pushingahandthroughhishair.Foraminuteitseemedthathe’dratherjumpofftheroofthananswer.
“Alex?”sheprompted,ratherunnervedbythissuddenseriousnessinamanshe’dnotthoughtcapableofit.
Heshrugged.“Notinterestedinbeauty.Orinhelpingotherpeople.”
“Oh.”Itwasn’therhethoughtwrong;itwasallwitches.Sherelaxedteethshedidnotknowshehadbeenclenching.“It’strue:someofuscarenothingforbeautyorcharity.Myauntdoesgoodworksonlytospiteothers.Butsomearecaringandgood—notlegallygood,thatis,buttheyusetheincantationwhenevertheycantoaidothers.Mymotherisonesuch.”
Alexdidnotreply,hisexpressionclosingevenfurther.Charlottenudgedhimwithherelbow.“Imyselfamnotsogood,however,thatI’mgoingtoletyouwintheamulet.”
Helaughedthen,likeshe’dhopedhewould.Heremovedhiscoatandwrappeditaroundhershoulders,tuckinghercloseagainsthimasifhefearedshemightflyaway.
“Reprehensiblelout,”shemurmured,leaningherheadonhisshoulder.
“Wickedlittlewitch,”heanswered,andkissedherhair.Shesighed,andthesunsetlikesummerpassionintheireyes.
Andlater,astheypreparedforbed:“Youareexasperating,”Alextoldherwhenshepickeduphisclothesfromwherehe’dtossedthemonthefloor.
“Youaredisorderly,”shereplied,foldinghisshirtandplacingitonachair.
“Oh?”Hiseyessmolderedasheturnedtolookather,andCharlotteswalloweddryly.Sheretreatedbehindthechair,butitwasauselessdefense;withintwostepsthenefariouspiratecaughther.Whenhehoistedheroverhisshoulder,Charlottedidallshecouldtonotlaughasshefakedastruggle.Hetossedherontohisramshacklebedanddemonstratedvariousunanticipatedbenefitsofdisorderlybehavior—afterwhichshewaswillingtoconcedeitperhapshadn’tbeenthedreadfulinsultshe’dsupposed.
“Butyoushouldstillemployamoporflamethroweraroundthishouseoccasionally,”shesaidastheysatonthebedlater,eatingbiscuitsthey’dstolenfromBixby’skitchen.
“Nextyou’regoingtowantmetowearperfumedpomadeinmyhair,”Alexgrumbled;then,atthecontemplativelookinhereye,hastilykissedthatthoughtoutofhermind—andeveryotherwithit.
Andthefollowingmorning:“Stopbeingsobloodywellaggravating,woman,”hesaidwhenshestolefromhimfivepoundshe’dstolenfromapassingtourist,andgaveittoaragamuffingirlinstead.
“Stopbeinguncivilized,”shecountered,handinghimthegoldbangleshe’dstolenfromthatsametourist.
“Ilikebeinguncivilized,”hereplied,grinning.Andhesoldthebangletobuyherapairofembroideredanklebootsandseveraldartstoweaponizethem.
“Besides,”headdedlater,astheysatwithBixbyinatavernbooth,quenchingtheirthirstafteralongday’sfutilesearching.“I’mapirateandsmuggler.It’smyjobtobeuncivilized.”Hehadhisfeetonthetableashedrankbeer.Charlottesatprimlybesidehim,sippingtea.Bixby,ontheothersideofthebooth,withhisfingersproppinguphischinandpressedagainsthismouth,wasgazingatsomethingacrosstheroom.
“IbelievetheWisteriaSocietywoulddisagreewithyou,”Charlottesaid.
Alexgrinnedathersidelong.“Areyoucomplimentingpirates,mydarling?”
“Certainlynot.Theyareuncivilizedtoanextremedegree.However,withinthatcontext,theyhavetheirownsimplisticnotionofmanners.Theywouldnotputtheirfeetuponatable.”
“Onlybecausetheirclothingwon’tallowit.”
“Bixbyisapirateandhemanagestositwithappropriatedecorum.”
“He’sabutler,notapirate.Andhiselbowisonthetable.”
“Yourbehavioriscorruptinghim.”
Alexlaughed.“Daniel,oldchap,MissPettiferjustcalledyoucorrupt.”
“Ididnot,”Charlotteretorted,butBixbydidn’tnoticeinanycase.Heremainedfocusedonthedistance.Frowningslightly,Alexglancedoverhisshouldertoseewhathadtransfixedtheman.Ayoung,brown-hairedwomaninaplaindresswaswalkingquietlyacrosstheroomtowardthedoor.
“Pretty,”hesaid,shrugginghismouth.“Youshouldgoandsayhello.”
“Onedoesnotjust‘goandsayhello’toalady,”Bixbymurmuredreproachfully.
Alexlaughedagain.“Ofcourseonedoes!Granted,shedoesn’tlookyourtype,sinceshe’snotadiagraminanetiquettemanual,butyoumightgetlucky.Go,sayhello.Idareyou.”
“Ohwellthen,ifIhavebeendared,Ishouldofcourseimmediatelyactinamannercontrarytoallmyeducationandcharacter,”Bixbyreplied,deadpan.
“Yes,”Alexsaid.Theygaveeachotherlooksthatwouldhaveinvolvedtonguesstickingoutweretheytwentyyearsyounger.
“Iwasnotevenlookingather,”Bixbysaid.
“Sure.”Alexhidadisbelievingsmirkbydrinkingmorebeer.
Charlotteleanedforwardwithafrown,judgingthisprettywomanforherself.“Goodheavens!”sheremarked.“ThatisMissDearlove.”
“Who?”Alexasked.
“Mrs.Chuke’smaid.”Shelookedanxiouslyabouttheroom.“Mrs.Chukeishere?”
“Mrs.Chukebeingawitch,Ipresume.”Alexslippedhisfeetdownfromthetableasifexpectingtroubleatanymoment.“Well,thejighadtobeupsometime,Isuppose.It’sbeenfun,darling,andifyouneedalifthome—”
“Ibegyourpardon?”Charlottestaredathim,bewildered.
Heshrugged,notquitemeetinghereye.“IassumeyouwilljoinwiththisMrs.Chuketocontinuechasingtheamulet.”
Charlottefeltsuddenlyasblankasthespaceattheendofachapterinwhichtheheroinehasbeenleftinexcitingcircumstances,butone’svisitorsaredueanymomentnow,soreadingonisimpossible.Bothmenlookedather,andsheswalloweddryly.
“WhywouldIjoinwithMrs.Chuke?”
“Well,sheisawitch;youareawitch,”Alexreasoned.“Youareinleaguewitheachother,literally.”
“Yes,but—”Shefrowned,unabletoexplainwhyherheartwaspounding.Afterall,whilethepastfewdayshadbeen,asAlexputit,“fun,”hergoalremainedtoretrievetheamuletfortheWickenLeague.Itdidmakesensetoreunitenowwithherownpeople.“But—”
“ButMissPettifermustremainintemporaryalliancewithyou,”Bixbysuppliedinthecalm,reasonablevoiceCharlotteherselfcouldnotmanage,“becauseaflyinghousemaystillbeneededinthepursuitofLadyArmitage.”
“Exactly!”Charlottesmackedherhandagainstthetableforemphasis,causingherteacuptorattleandpaintoshootupherarm.Alexraisedaneyebrow;Bixbyalmostsmiled.Fiends,thebothofthem!(Herfoolishhearttriedtobudgeanrintothatword,butsheignoredit.)“However,Iwouldnotcallthisanalliance.Wemustneverforget,gentlemen,thatIhavekidnappedyou.”
“Oh,absolutely,”Alexsaidcheerfully.“Pretzel?”
Charlotteignoredthebasketofsnackshehandedher.“Furthermore,althoughthiskidnappinghasbeendoneinthenameoftheLeague,Mrs.Chukewouldnotapprove,sinceIamareputableladyandyouare—”
“Rogues?”Alexsuggested.
“Knaves?”Bixbyoffered.
“Deplorablepirates,”Charlottesaid.“Therefore,Imusthidefromher—andfromanyandallotherwitcheswemightencounter.Forthesakeoftheamulet,youunderstand.”
“Iunderstand,”Alexrepliedinatonethatsuggestedheunderstoodonlytoowell.Lookingherintheeyefinally,hetippedhissmilebetweenwickednessandsweetness.MyGod,Charlottethought,howmanywomenhavedrownedinthatcharm?AndwhydoIenvythem?Flustered,andannoyedatbeingflustered,sheleanedforwardagaintoscrutinizethepub’sinhabitants.
“Icannot,infact,seeMrs.Chukeanywhere.”
“No,”Bixbyagreed,“butIcountthreepirates.”
Alex’sbeermugmetthetable’ssurfacewithathunk.“Details,”heorderedbrusquely.
Bixbydidnotmovemorethanhiseyesasheindicatedeachpirateinturn.“Mrs.Etterlyissittingthreetablesbehindus,sharpeningswizzlestickswithherdagger.AndtheRotundersareplayingcardsoverthere.Mr.Rotunderjustdiscardedhisentirehand.Literally.He’sscrewingonahookinstead.”
Alexstraightened.“Timetoleave.”
“Idon’tthinkthey’veseenus,”Bixbysaid.
“No,butitsoundslikethey’veseeneachother.YoucreateadistractionandI’ll—”
Smash!
Alex’sinstructionswererenderedunnecessarybythearrivalofanindependentdistraction:towit,abeermugthrownatMrs.Etterly’stable.Theglassshatteredandbeersplashedwidely,causinganoutraged“WellInever!”fromMrs.Etterly.
Bixby’seyeswidenedinanexcessofastonishment.
“Isthereafourthyoudidn’tcount?”Alexasked.
“No.ThemugwasthrownbyMissDearlove.”
“Huh.Inanycase,we’releaving.Yougooutthefront,andI’lltake—”
“Iseeyou!Scoundrel!”TherecameashudderoffurnitureasMrs.Etterlyroseabruptlyfromherchair,thebustleofherdressshovingitbacktosmackagainstthefloor.
“Ismelledyoutenminutesago!”Mrs.Rotunderleapedfromherownchair,cardsflying.
Mrs.Etterlygasped.“IamwearinganeaudetoilettetheDuchessofUzesgavetomeinthanksfornotshootingherorburningdownherhouse.”
“Eaudetoilette?Smellsmorelikewateryoutookfromthetoilet.”
“WellI—”
Smash!
Anotherbeermugexplodedonthefloorbetweenthem.Thepirateslookedatitinmomentarybewilderment,sinceclearlyneitherhadthrownit,thencastsuchpettyconsiderationsasideanddrewtheirswords.
“Engarde!”Mrs.Etterlyshouted.
“Preparetodie!”Mrs.Rotundershoutedinreply.
“Never!”
“Um,dearest,”Mr.Rotundersaid,tuggingonhiswifesohemightwhispertoher.Shelistened,thenstraightenedagain,herexpressionpoisedbetweenfuryanddignity.
“Preparetobewounded!”sheshoutedinamendment.“Butnotsobadlythatyoucannotsingatmysoireenextweek!Theprincewillbethere,andyouknowhowheadmiresyourvoice!”
“Never!”Mrs.Etterlyrepeated.“BywhichImeanneverinthiscontext!Iofcourselookforwardtothesoiree!”Andsheleapedforward,swordraised.Atablecrashedover,bladesmetwithaloudmetallicringing,andseveralpatronsscreamed.
“Blighters!”roaredtheinnkeeper,wavingacricketbatasheenteredthefray.
“Up,”Alexsaid,climbingontothebenchseatandhaulingCharlottewithhim.
“Becarefulnottospillthetea!”sheurgedasachairwentflyingpasttoshatteragainstthebar.
Withsomedifficulty,duetotheinconvenientvolumeofCharlotte’sclothing,nottomentionbeermatswhizzingpastwithastingingspeed,theyclamberedacrossthetable,overthesideofthebooth,anddroppedtothegroundunnoticedbyanyone(exceptthreewaitresses,thebartender,andanoldladywhohadjustbeentryingtoenjoyherfishandchipsinpeace).AsBixbyheadedforthefrontdoor,AlexledCharlotteoutthebackintoadarkalleyway.Heshutthedoormomentsbeforeaplateshatteredagainstit.
“Youhavedestroyedmyskirt,sir,withtheseshenanigans,”Charlottesaid,brushingataslightmarkonthefabric.“Ideclare,youappeartohaveageniusformess.Ifonlyyouweren’tsuchascoundrel!”
“Ifonlyyouweren’tsoenchanting,”Alexcountered.
Thismadenosenseatall,sinceshehadnotdonemagic,andCharlottewasonthebrinkoftellinghimsowhenhegrabbedher,pushedheragainstthealleywaywall,andkissedheruntilsheforgoteverywordhesaidorsheoughttosayinresponse.
Kissingwasonethingsheneverdisputed.Herbodyhadanirrepressibleattractiontothemanand,despitetheseverallecturesitreceiveddailyfromherbrain,refusedtocareabouteitherill-manneredfeudsorwell-manneredbehavior.Alexseemedtobecaughtinthesamedilemma.Theycouldbarelycrossastreetwithoutafterwarddraggingeachotherintoapassionateembrace.
Indeed,bythetimetheytraversedthetwohundredyardsfromthepubtoAlex’scottageonthepier,disheveled,breathless,andsignificantlyunbuttoned,BixbyhadbrewedapotofteaandretiredwithThomasMore’sUtopia
Laterthatnight,lyingbesideAlexinhisbed,watchinghimsleepinthegauzymoonlightandtryingtopretendtherewerenospiderwebsontheceilingoverhead,Charlotteattemptedtoreasonthroughwhatwashappeningtoherandjustwherealongthewayshehadleftalargeportionofhergoodsense.CaptainO’Rileywasnotasuitableobsession.Heseemedjustasdangerousasleepashedidawake.Hislong,darkeyelashes,curvingagainsthischeeks,wereakintoaswordatherthroat;hisdreamingsmilewasalurethatwoulddrawheroutofallpropriety.
Ifonlyhewasn’tastemptingashewasperilous.Ifonlyhelivedinaboardinghouse,andworkedinanoffice,anddidn’tlookatherasifhewantedtolickthebittersweetwordsrightoutofhermouth.Asshesurveyedhimcovetously,Charlottewonderedwhetherconcernfortheamulethadinspiredhertohijackhishouse,orwhethershehadstillbeenflyingabicyclesomewhereinsideherself,lawless,longingforfreedom,andinloveeventhenwiththepirate’ssky-coloredeyes.
Well,notinlove.Inlike.Intrigued.Shemightsharehisbed,buttherewasstillnocalltoinvolveemotions.Thefactherpulserushedwhenhesmiledathermeantnothingbeyondphysiology.Theoddlonelinessthatmadeherachewhenhelefttheroomforevenashortwhilewasinconsequential.She’dbeenlonelyallherlife,afterall.
No,Charlotteconcluded;theirrelationshipwasnothingmorethantemporaryfun,andwhenitwasovershewouldgobacktoherproperlife,takingwithhersomeinterestingmemories(andtheamulet).
Shesighed.Iammostcertainlynotinlove,shetoldherself,reachingoutthroughthedarknesstotouchthepirate’sface.
AndAlex,lyingquietwithhiseyessafelyclosed,indulgedinthecomfortofCharlotte’spresenceafteryearsofnotsharingthisbedwithanywomanoutoffearthey’dalsowanttosharehisheart.(Rugsbeingdifferent,andbedsinotherbuildings,andaconvenienttabletopinmorethanonecase.)Hefeltthedriftofherfingersandtriednottosmile.Shebewitchedhimevenwithoutincantating.Itwasn’tthatshestirredhisnetherregionsatamereglance—althoughshecertainlydidthattoo.Itwashowherrosylovelinessandherthorn-sharpwitstirredhisheart,makingitshovepainfullyagainstthestonewallhe’dbuiltarounditmorethantwentyyearsago.Thatheartwantedtosharewithher,yearnedtoshare,trembledsofastwithitsdesperationtosharethatAlexbegantofeeldizzy,evenlyinginbed.
Hecouldnotallowit.ButhecouldnotliestilleitherwhilehisbloodshookandCharlottestrokedhersoft,cleanfingersagainsthisskin.Sohetippedherbackandpushedherlegsapart,andshearchedtowelcomehimin.Theymovedtogetherfiercely,wordlessly,holdingontosheetsandheadboardsandeachotherfordearlife.
Notlove.Notneeding.Justexerciseinthedark.
Butafterwardshewept,andhetriedtobrushthetearsfromherbeautiful,moonlitcheek.“DidIhurtyou?”heaskedanxiously.
“No,”shesaid.“I’m—I’mfeeling,that’sall.”
“Areyoucold?Hungry?Doyouwantacupoftea?Whatisit?”
Shecaughthishand,holdingitagainstthecalmsteadinessofherheartbeat.“It’snothing.Onlyfeeling.Isthatnotacceptable?”
Shesoundedsodefensive,hekissedherdampface.“Ofcourseitis,”heassuredher,althoughhestilldidnotentirelyunderstand.Buttuckinghercloser,hejustletherbe.
Sheheldontohimlikeapirateholdsontothewheelthroughastorm.Asifsheneededhim.Asifherepresentedsafety.Hefelthersmileshiftacrosshisbareskin,andhesuckedinabreathassensationtrembledthroughhim.Itwasnothing,hetoldhimself—sexalwayslefthisbodysensitiveforawhile.Thiswomanwasjustanotherlover,anotherwayofgettingthroughthedark.Hewasnotgoingtogofeelingsimplybecauseshedid.
However,therewasnoharminsmilingtoo,likeasoft,boyishfool,inthedarknesswherenoonecouldseeit.
“Themapsaysthereisnoshortcut,”Charlottereiteratedasthethreeofthemtrudgedthroughtown,followingtheafternoon’slighttowardsea-tangedshadows.ThiswastheirthirddaynowinClacton-on-Sea,andCharlottewassoweariedbysearchingthatshehadfallenintoanuncharacteristicirritability.“IdoubtLadyArmitageisevenhere.Bixby’sinformationmusthavebeenfaulty.”
Bixbydidnotreplytothis;hissilence,however,wasscandalized.
“Impossible,”Alexargued.“Don’tgiveup,sweetheart.Rememberthejewelrystoreyesterdaythatwasrobbedofallitsgoldrings?Andtheburned-downchurch?Nottomentionthemanwhosawanunusualred-dooredtownhouseonAnchorRoad?ParkinginthatstreetwouldappealtoArmitage’ssenseofhumor.”
“ButyouarewalkinginthewrongdirectionforAnchorRoad.”
“No,it’sjustdownhereabit.Trustme.”Hetuggedonherhandwithouteffect.
“Ha.Ifyouwilllookatthemap—”
Sheturnedtogestureatsaidmap,whichBixbywascarryingtoassistthem,andwentabruptlystill.Alexturnedtoseewhathadtroubledher.
Bixbywasgone.
“That’sodd,”Alexmurmured.
“Heobviouslydisdainedyourshortcutandhastakenthecorrectroute,”Charlottesaidsmugly.
Alexrolledhiseyes.“Heobviouslygotsickofyourharpingon.”Hebeganwalkingbackalongthenarrowstreetinsearchofthemissingbutler.Charlotte,bydintofherhandstillbeingheldinhis,necessarilyfollowedhim.
“Ihavenotbeenharpingon,”sheharped.“Ihavebeenattemptingtoeducateyou.”
“ThelastwomanwhotriededucatingmeusedtoapplyabirchrodwhenIgavethewronganswer,”Alexrepliedcheerfully.“Orwhenshesimplydidn’tlikemylooks.Areyougoingtobeatme,Lottie?”
Heflashedaseductivesmileather,butshestaredbackopen-mouthed.“MyGod.Iamsosorry.”
Surpriseflitteredacrosshisexpressionforthebriefestmomentbeforehelaughed.“Don’tbe.SisterAndrew—andtheothernuns—andDeirdre—andDadai—wereallgoodtrainingforthelifeofapirate.Hell,myfatherstilltriestogivemearefreshercourseeverytimeIgobacktoIreland.HemayberetirednowandlivingthelifeofRiley,ha,butlet’sjustsayhehasn’tforgottenhowtobepiratic.”
“Well,Iamnotapirate,andIdon’twanttohurtyou,”Charlotteaverred—althoughinfactamomentagoithadbeenherplantoscoreaverbalhit.Butasshehastilyassessedhermotivation,shefoundonlyadesireforgameplaying.Infact,whatmadeexchangingbarbswithAlexsoenjoyablewasthethoughtnoonegottrulyharmedbyit.NevermindDarcy;hehadsomehowmanagedtobecomeherMr.Knightley,awittysparringpartner,andwhileshedidnotexpectahappyeverafterlikeEmmaWoodhouse,atleastshewashavingagoodtimestayinguplate,turningpages,evendog-earingafewlikearealscoundrel
NowthevisionofAlexasawhippedlittleboyshookhersodeeply,shestumbledashepulledheralong.Theyturnedacornertheyhadnottakenearlier,butCharlottewastoodistractedtonotice.
“Don’treassuremeinthatway,”Alexsaid,hisvoiceliltingmorethanusual.“WhatwouldIdowithoutthethrillofyourdeadlyfootwear,ortheravishingbiteofyourteeth?Nowjustdownhereandaroundthiscorner—damn.”Hestoppedsuddenly,causingCharlottetocollidewithhim.Hesteadiedherautomatically,buthisfocuswasonthehighstonewallthatstoodaheadofthem
Charlottecouldnothelpherself.“Itseemslikeyourshortcuthasbeencutshort.”
“Veryfunny.”Pushingahandthroughhishair,helookedaround,scowling.“IwouldhaveswornthisledtoRosemaryRoad.AndwherethehellisBixby?”
“Havingaratherpointedconversationwithmymaid.”
TheyturnedtoseeMrs.Chukeinfrontofthem,smilinglikeathundercloudlookingdownonaparade.
16PRIDEANDPREJUDICE—THEBUTLERHASITDONETOHIM—OUTOFTHEFIRE—SUDDENACROBATS—INTOTHEFRYINGPAN—CHARLOTTEGOESWITHALEXBECAUSESHEWANTSTOLIVE—MADHATTING—GETTINGINTHESWING—CHARLOTTEISAVILLAIN
Mrs.Chuke’scharacterwasdespisedingeneralsocietyforitssincerityandfrankness,andinsuchamomentasthis,shecertainlywouldnotdepartfromit.“Charlotte,darling!Howdreadfulyoulook!Yourfaceisallrosy,andwhatisthatsparkleinyoureye?ThankgoodnessIfoundyoubeforeyougocompletelytorackandruin!Ishallsaveyou,
“Ididn’t—”Alexbegan,butCharlottespokeoverhimwithaconfidenceplagiarizedfromElizabethBennet.
“Youhavebeenwidelymistakeninmycharacter,madam,ifyouthinkIcanbekidnappedbyapirate.”
Mrs.Chukegasped.“Surelyyouarenotadmittingtobeinginhiscompanyonavoluntarybasis?”
“Whynot?Heisascoundrel;Iamascoundrel;sofarweareequal.”
“Butpiratesandwitches,who-do-not-exist-but-if-they-did,aremortalenemies!ThinkoftheLeague,Charlottedarling!Thinkofyourmother,whoevennowisorderingcaterersforthewedding!”(“Um,”Alexsaid,blanching,buttheladiesignoredhim.)“Yourreputationwillbeadisgrace;yournamewillbeconstantlymentionedbyallofus.Goodheavens,Charlotte,youhavealliedwithapirate!”
Charlottefrowned,althoughinfactshefeltthrilledatthisopportunitytofaceanemesisinthesamewayLizziedidwithLadyCatherinedeBourgh.Admittedly,Mrs.ChukewasinferiorinstyleandtempertoLadyCatherine,andadustyurbanstreetwasnowherenearasromanticasacopse,butitseemedbookwormscouldnotbechooserswhenitcame
“It’strue,”Alexinterjectedwithapleasantsmile.
“Andwhatevermyconnectionsmaybe,iftheCaptainobjectstothem,thatmustbeeverythingtoyou.”
“Idoobjecttothem,”Alexsaid,noddingcheerfully.
Glancingathim,Charlottefeltaflutteringinherstomach.Sheknewsheshouldn’thaveeatenfishforlunch!Ontheotherhand,coulditbe…friendship?Atleastwhatshesupposedfriendshipwasfromreadingaboutitinbooks.Sheexpectedonedayshewouldmarry,forsuchisthegeneralfateofwomankind,buthavingafriendwasadreamshehadneverdaredentertain.ThatAlexmightbethismadeherwanttolaughindelight.
ButdelightedlaughterwasthesphereofgirlslikeLydiaBennet,andtendedtoescalateintoscandalousbehavior,suchasrunningoffwithscoundrels…er…
Blushing,sheliftedherchin,tightenedherlips,andglaredatthecaptain,Mrs.Chuke,andanearbyseagull.
“Well!”Mrs.Chukewasnonplussed.ThiswasnottheresponseshehadexpectedfromJudithPlim’sniece.Shemutteredaword,andoldbrownleaveslitteringthestreetbegantorise,swirlingaroundherankles.She’dbeenawitchlongerthanCharlottehadbeenalive,andChosenOneornot,thegirlwouldbemade,eitherbywisdomoroutrightwitchcraft,torememberherplace.“Youareclearlydiscomposed,mydear.Thissituationmustnotcontinue!”
Charlotteopenedhermouthtoreply,butshewasindeeddiscomposed,andcouldnotimmediatelyrecollecthowthesceneinPrideandPrejudicehadcontinued.Sosheclosedhermouthandpulledoutherbesominstead.
Mrs.Chukepaled.“Youwouldnotdare.”
Charlotteshrugged.FromthecornerofhereyeshesawAlexlowerhisfacetohideasmirk.Heknewshewoulddare.Shefeltanothersurgeofdelight.
“Justputdownthebroomandcomehomequietly,”Mrs.Chukesaid.“Ireadtherunesthismorning,andtheypredictedyoutravelingbacktoLondonwithme.”Butherownhandwasslidingdowntowardasecretpocketwhereinnodoubtshekeptherbesom.
ItwastimefortheAndromedaChoice.Thelastresort,theworstpossibleweapon,designedspecificallytodisarmafellowwitch.Charlottehadalwaysfeltitwouldcometothisoneday,butherheartdidlurchalittle.Awitchmightattackanotherwitch(indeed,itwouldbestrangeifshedidn’t),butusingtheAndromedaChoicewaslikeflyingabicycleoveracrowdedstreet.Onlythewildestpersonwoulddoit.
Click
Acloudofdustburstfromthebesom.Mrs.Chukeshriekedinhorror.Raisingherownbesom,sheactivateditsbroomwithanimmediateinstincttotidy.Asshesweptmadlyattheair,CharlotteandAlexturnedtoflee.
Thewallblockedtheirway.
AndinfrontofthewallstoodMrs.Rotunder,armscrossed,jollyblackhatfeathersswoopingintheseabreeze.
Twostreetsaway,Bixbywasstaringdownthebarrelofagun.
Itwasaveryprettygun,withanengravingoftinyflowersonitssilverbodyandpearlssetinthehandle.Itsowner,MissDearlove,clutcheditwithallthedelicacysuchaweapondeserved.Sheherselfwasalsoverypretty,butthatseemedratherbesidethepointatthismoment.
“Keepwalkingintothedarkandnarrowalleyway,ifyouplease,”shesaid.Herquietvoiceofferednothreat—solongasoneignoredthewordsitwasactuallysayingandtheloadedgunbehindthem.IthadluredBixbyawayfromAlexandCharlotte,requestingassistanceinfindingadroppedshilling;andthenhumblybeggedhispardonasitexplainedhemustdoashewastoldorelsebeshot.Bixbyhadobligedbecausehefearedthewomanwouldstartcryingifhedidnot.Butallowinghimselftobeguidedintoaconvenientplaceformurderwentbeyondhisnotionsofchivalry.
“Forgiveme,miss,”hesaid,sinceabductionatgunpointshouldnotpreventonefromusinggoodmanners.“I’mafraidIcannotdothat.MayIsuggestinsteadyouhandoverthegun,andIwillallowyoutodepartunharmed.”
MissDearlovedidnotsomuchblinkaswincehereyesbrieflyshutthenopen.Shebitherlowerlip.ItmadeherappearsovulnerablethatBixbywouldhavefelthisheartmeltifsuchathingwerebiologicallypossible.Althoughherememberedherthrowingbeermugsatpirateslastnightinthetavern,hecouldbarelyreconcilethatimagewiththetimidcreaturebeforehimnow.Thesimplebrowndress,thecalmface,andthequietvoicethatspokeonlywhennecessary,madehimthinkofbook-linedshelvesandtheDeweyDecimalSystemofanoutstandinglibrary.Aman’sinstincts(andotherthings)rousedautomaticallyforawomanlikethis.ItwasallBixbycoulddotopreventhimselffromofferingtobuyheracupofteaandescortinghersafelyhome.
Indeed,notwithstandingthefactshewasproposingtomurderhim,heratherthoughtherentireattituderemindedhimofadoe—i.e.,gentleandshy—andhecouldnotendorsesuchaonebeinginvolvedindangerousshenaniganslikethese.Somebodymightgethurt,anditwouldnotbehim.
Smilingkindly,hiseyessoft,hereachedouttoremovethegunfromthegirl’sanxious,fine-bonedgrip.
Fifteenminuteslaterhewokeonthedirtygroundofthealleyway,boundhandandfoot,andgroaningthroughalacehandkerchiefstuffedinhismouth.Hiswalletwasgone,aswerehisgoldcufflinks.
Hadsomeonebeenon-sitewithanencyclopediaofnature,Bixbywouldnothaveneededthemtoexplainthatthetruedescriptionofadoewas“powerfulandunpredictable.”Spittingoutthehandkerchief,heturnedontohisbackandlaughed.
Mrs.Rotunderhadnosuchsenseofhumor.Indeed,afterspendingseveraldaysinthecompanyofwitches,shecouldbarelyrememberwhathumorlookedlike.Crossingherarmswiththeself-awardedauthorityofolderwomeneverywhere,shefrownedatCharlotteandAlex.“Now,mydears,youknowthiscan’tgoon.Nottheleastbecauseit’sfartooclichéd.WeareinEngland,notVerona!Havesomeliterarysubtletyandseparate,foreveryone’ssake.”
IrritationflashedthroughCharlotte’snerves,sparkingalowmutterthatcausedMrs.Rotunder’ssablefeatherstoshake.Alexglancedathersidelong,excitementinhiseyes.Shehalf-expectedhimtokissherrightthereandthen.“Madam,”shesaid,hervoicestrongwithrighteousness,“IcanassureyouthecaptainandIarenottogether.”
Mrs.Rotunder’sresponsewastodirectatrenchantstareattheirjoinedhands.
“ThisisbecauseIamkeepinghimundermycontrol,”Charlotteexplained.
Alexshruggedandnoddedcomplacently
“Soyoukidnappedhim?”Mrs.Rotundergaveabrusquelaugh.
“Andwhynot?”Mrs.Chukeinterjected,stridingforwardbeforeCharlotteherselfcouldreply.Dustcoveredherface,butsogreatwasheranger,shedidnotevennotice.“Charlottewouldbeawitchifwitchesexisted.Thatmakesherjustasdangerousashim!”
Mrs.Rotundertsked.“Nooneisasdangerousasapirate.”
“Ha!Havingtraveledinyourhouse,drinkingthattepidstuffyoupretendistea,andsleepingonamattresssosoftIwasindangerofbecomingrelaxedforthefirsttimeinsix—infiftyyears,Iknowperfectlywellthatpiraticdangerisfalseadvertising.”
“Oh?”saidMrs.Rotunderchillingly.Therecamethelong,slowhissofsteelbeingdrawnfromascabbard.
“Youcallthataweapon?”Mrs.Chukepulledoutaflyswatter.Madeofblackmetal.Withspikesalloveritssurface.
CharlotteandAlexsidesteppedasMrs.Rotunderwhirledherswordinacomplicatedmaneuver.
“Shallwego?”Charlottewhispered.
TheywincedasMrs.Chukewhackedtheswordwithonehardblowfromherswatter.
“Probablywise,”Alexagreed.
“Aereo,”Charlottesaid.Atonce,theyelevatedoverthewitchandpirate,whoweretooinvolvedwitheachothertonoticetheirprecipitousdeparture.Theycrossedthewallandcamedowntothestreetontheotherside.
“RosemaryRoad!”Alexsaiddelightedly.“Itoldyouthiswasagoodshortcut.”
“Braggart,”Charlottereplied.
AsmallthrongofAmericantouriststurnedawayfromashopwindowtostareatthemopen-mouthed.“Isay,howdidyoudothat?”oneaskedwithalarm.
“Therewasaladderontheothersideofthewall,”Charlottesaid.“Weclimbedup,jumpeddown.”
Thetouristsexchangeddubiousglances.
“She’sonlyjoking,”Alexsaid.“We’reacrobatswithatravelingcircus.Trainedtoleapoverhighobstaclesinasinglebound.”
Thetouristsbegantomurmurexcitedly,andseveralinquiredaboutticketstotheshow.SuddenlyawomaninapinkturbanpointedatCharlotte.
“Irecognizeyou!Yourphotographwasinthenewspaper.Wait—didn’tthismankidnapyou?”
Charlottesmiledtolerantly.“No,notatall.”
“Thatphotographwasofhertwinsister,”Alexsaid.“Threeminutesyoungerandnotaspretty.”
“Ahh.”Thecrowdnodded.
Charlottestaredathim,surprised.“You’dcallmepretty?”Strong,fierce,gorgeous,brave…pretty
Hegrinned.“ThatistheleastIwouldcallyou,mydarling.”
Thetouristscooed.
“YousaidMissDearlovewaspretty,”shepersisted.“Perhapsthisisanadjectiveyouapplytoallwomen.”
Helaidahandagainsthercheek,lookingdownatherwithhisparticulartender-smile-despite-all-the-sharp-weaponsexpression,whichCharlottesuspectedwasprobablywhathadearnedhimhisreputationfordeadlinessinthefirstplace.Severalofthetouristssigheddreamily.Charlottewouldhavedonesoherselfwereitnotforyearsofrigorous
“Oh,Lottie,”hesaid.“Youare—”
“Stop!”roaredavoicefrombehindthewall.“Kidnapper!”
Charlotteglancedoverhershoulder.“Wasthatmyoneoryours?”
“Wickedkidnapper!”cameadifferentvoice.
Alexshrugged.“Itdoesn’tseemtomatterwhich.”
“Sheisthewickedone,”retortedthefirstvoiceangrily.
“Nonsense.Heisapirate;it’sinhisjobdescriptiontobewicked.Clearlyheistheworst!”
“Nooneismorewickedthanawitch!”
Therecameanothersharpclashofmetal.Thetouristsleapedwithstartlement.CharlotteandAlextooktheopportunitytohastenalongthestreet—
Andstoppedabruptly.
MissPlimstrodearoundacorner,sunlightflashingonherspectacles.
Tillthismoment,Charlotteneverknewherself.Butnow,watchingMissPlimaimtowardherlikeaninevitability,shefeltbirdwingsflapmadlyagainstherbonesandwindroarthroughhermind,andsherealizedthatalifetimeofconsideringherselfself-containedhadbeenalie.Imprisonedwasthebetterword.Infact,shehadavastlonginginher—awholesky’sworthoflongingforlifeandlove,rooftopsandrunningwild—andherewasMissPlimnowtobringherbacktoearth.
Thewomanmovedwithacool,measuredstride.Thehemofherblackdresssweptmethodicallybackandforthagainstthestreet;hertopknotofhairknuckledtheclear,brightsky.Andherhand,emergingslowlyfromapocket,unfurledwithblade,shuriken,eyebrowtweezers
Noweaponwasmoredeadly,however,thanthelookonherface.Youarewrong,itsaid.Thewayyouhavebeenbehavingprovesjusthowwrongyouaredeepinside.CharlottePettifer,youareADisappointment
Don’tlisten!screamedCharlotte’sbrain.Runaway!
No,quick,curtsy!Apologize!Promisetobebetter!arguedherbody.
Caughtbetweenthetwoimpulses,Charlottewasunabletomakeachoicethatwouldnotinsomewaybeincorrect.Shecouldnotmove,couldnotbreathe.
Besides,itwastoolate.AuntJudith’spresencemeanteverythingwasover.Theescapade;thekissinginalleyways;themidnightsnacksinalamplitkitchen,hopingBixbydidnotcatchthem.JustassoonasshereachedCharlotte,MissPlimwouldtransformherfromanindependentwomanmakingadmittedlywildchoicesintoonceagainaproperwitch.Itwouldonlytakeashakeofthehead,aclickofthetongue.Infact,Charlottecouldfeelithappeningalready.JaneAustenbeganchanting:Bewiseandreasonable.
Butalas!Alas!Shemustconfesstoherselfthatshedidnotwanttobewiseyet.
Luckily,shewasinthecompanyofanentirelyunwisepirate.“Quick,”Alexsaid,tuggingonher.“Thisway!”
Hehalf-draggedheroffthestreetandthroughthenearestshopdoor.Asthedoorbelltinkledmerrily,Charlottecamebacktoherself—andintonear-collisionwithapeacock.
Stumblingback,sheascertainedthiswasnotanironicstatementfromtheuniversebutinfactahattheshopkeeperwastransportingacrosstheshop.“Isay!”themerchantdeclared,butCharlotteandAlexskiddedpastandmadeforwhattheycouldonlyhopewasarearexitbehindacurtaineddoor.
Theyfoundthemselvesinsteadinasilkfloraljungleinhabitedbyflocksofstuffedbirds.
Thedoorbelltinkledagain.“Goodafternoon,sir,”cameawoman’svoice,theauralequivalentofabayonetbeingjabbedintoawagonthatishidingescapeesamongstitsload.
Charlotte’sbreathcaughtraggedlyinherthroat.Alexgraspedadecorativeshepherd’scrookthatwasproppedupnearbyandbeganwhackingatwingsandflowers,papier-machébeaksandlonglacevines,clearingapaththroughthemadhatjungle.Discoveringareardoor,heimmediatelyappliedhisbootheeltoitandthedoorslammedopenatonce,nothavingactuallybeenlocked.TheyrushedoutevenasMissPlimstalkedintotheworkroom.
“She’llneverstop,”Charlottecried.
“Trustme,”Alexsaidwithapiraticsmile.“I’llkeepyouunsafe.”
Theyrandownthestreet,tookacorner,andAlexledthemtoarandomdoorthatheopenedintheconventionalmannerofturningitshandle.Itrevealedalargehallcrowdedwithyetanotherflockofbirds—whichistosay,peopledressedinvividcolorsandplumes,flutteringaround,theirvoiceswarblingthroughtheair.Twolonglinesofdancersswoopedtogether,thenapart,whileagroupoffiddlersplayed.
Theyhadstumbleduponanafternoonball,Charlotterealized,andshefeltacertainnarrativesatisfaction.AsAlexshutthedoorandshovedchairsagainstit,shewatchedthedancers,evaluatingthequalityoftheirmuslins.ThenAlextuggedonherhandsoshespuntowardhim;graspingherotherhand,pullingherclose,hegrinned.
“Madam,”hesaid.“MayIhavethisdance?”
ElizabethBennetwouldhavesaidyesfromsheersurprise.FannyPricewouldhavesaidnoandhiddenherface.ButCharlottedidnotconsulteither.Instead,shefrownedatthepirate,calledhimafiend,andlethimdanceherinlongstridesacrossthefloor.Hissmilewasahook,holdingherupoutoffear.Herhipsmovedinamannershehadnotknownthemcapableof.Thetwolinesofdancersmovedapart,withhandsconnectedandarmsraisedtomakeasteepledlane.Witchandpiratedancedthroughlikeshadowsinthelamplight,portendingnight,leavingeveryoneblinkingandenchanted.
Astheyreachedtheendofthelane,thelinesofdancersmovedtogetheragain,andCharlotteandAlexcopiedthem—handsstillclutching,gazeslocked.Theworldseemedtosuspendinahazeofnoiseandcolor.MissPlimwasgone;LizzieBennetwasgone;allthatremainedwereAlex’ssmilingeyesandthedisorderedbeatofherheart.
Shedidnotwanttobreathelestshebreakthespell.Herewassomemagicgreaterthanwitchery.She,CharlottePettifer,wasparticipatinginaromanticballroommomentsuchasJaneAustenherselfmighthavecomposed—albeitwithoutadreadfulauntinpursuit.Noraherowhowasutterlydevilish,withanearringandaheftysword,nottomentionapairofbootsthatontheirownwouldbecensoredfromanydecentnovel.Andalas,shedoubtedtheheroinewouldbequiteasworldlyassheherselfhadbecomethispastweek.
Infact,sherathersuspectedshewouldbethevillaininaJaneAustennovel.
ButCharlottewassurprisedtofindshedidnotcare.Risingonhertoes,shekissedthatdevilishpirate,andthrilledatthesmileshestartledontohismouth.
Itwasanimperfectmoment,butshewouldrememberitfortherestofherlife.
Andthenthemusicsurged,andtheymovedapartwiththerestofthedancers.AlexheldupCharlotte’shand,andlaughing,shespunbeneathit.Ifshewasbeingwrong,atleastitwasenjoyable.
Crash!
ChairsscatteredasthehalldoorsmashedopenunderanassaultofLatinpoetry.Themusicfalteredandthedancersstaggeredtoaconfusedhalt.CharlottelookeduptoseeMissPliminjectherselfintothecrowd.Thewomanwasnotrunning;shedidnotevenappeartobeflushedorbreathlesswiththeeffortofthechase.
“It’stimetocomehome,Charlotte,”shecalledoutinapitilessmonotone.Andthenshebeganchanting.
“Abi.Abi.”
Bodiesflungawayfromher.Hatsspunacrosstheroom.
Charlottestaredinhorror.“Comeon,”Alexsaid,graspingherhardandpullingher.Theyranforthenearestdoor.Unfortunately,“nearest”wasarelativeterm,involvingacrushofdancers,waiterswithtraysoflemonadeglasses,arowofchairs,andapirate.
NedLightbourneleapedseeminglyoutofnowhereontooneofthechairs,sworddrawn.Thecrowdscreamedandattemptedtoscatter,butasbustlestangledwithlacetrimmingsandglovessnaggedinornatebrooches,theyquicklybecamesomethingresemblinganexplodedweddingcake.AlexandCharlottestoodtrappedamongstthem,frowningupatNed.
“Don’tmakemefightyou,oldchap,”Alexwarned.
Nedrolledhiseyes.“YouknowthelasttimewefoughtIbeatyousothoroughlyyouwerelimpingforaweek.”
“Youmeanthetimeyoubeatmeatbackgammon.Iwaslimpingbecauseyoudancedaroundincelebrationandknockedmeoffmychair,twistingmyankle.”
“Nonsense.”Nedpaused,glancingatthecrowdquakinginfearastheywatchedhim.“Nevermind.O’Riley,youhavetostop.Thisisn’tassimpleasanenchantedamuletthat,inthewronghands,coulddestroytheworld.ByrunningoffwithMissPettifer,you’veannoyedalotofoldladies.BothgroupsaretrackingyouacrossEngland,determinedtopreventyoufromspoilingtheirfeud.”
Alexshrugged.
“Goodgrief,man,howcanyoushrug?We’retalkingabouttheWisteriaSociety!”
Thecrowdgasped.
Alexlookedaroundatthem,handsspreadsotheycouldseetheseveralweaponsstrappedtohishard,muscularform.“DoIlooklikethesortofpersontobescaredofladypiratesinridiculoushats?”
“Youshouldbe,”awaitersaid.Thecrowdmurmuredagreement.
“Ohforheaven’ssake,”Charlottesaidtestily.“CaptainO’RileyandIremainperfectenemies.”
TowhichNedrepliedbylookingwordlesslyattheirjoinedhands.
“It’ssoIcanweaponizeherifnecessary,”Alexexplained.
“Exactly,”Charlotteagreed.Glancinganxiouslyoverhershoulder,shegaspedasshewatchedMissPlimelbowingherwaydeeperthroughthecrowd.Anymomentnow,shewouldbeuponthem.Alexmightnotliketofighthisfriend,butCharlottelikedevenlesstheideaofreturningmeeklyhomebeforeshe’dhadherfillofhappiness(and,er,recoveredtheamulet).Shereachedforthebesominhercoatpocket.
Toolate.
“I’msorrytodothis,”Nedmuttered,andliftedhissword.
17ANINTERVENTION—MISSPLIMARRIVES—CHARLOTTEISBRAVE—ANAFTERNOONSNACK—APEDESTRIANCONVERSATION—THEYCOMMITTOAFITNESSREGIME
Generallyspeaking,Charlottedislikedthefrank,theopen-hearted,theeagercharacterbeyondallothers.Shepreferredthosewhokepttheirthoughtstothemselves,sosavinghertheinconvenienceoflisteningtothem.However,inthecircumstanceofsomeonewieldingasword,alittlecandorcouldbeagoodthing.NedLightbourneofferednoexplanationasheraisedhisweapon,andCharlottewasabletoremaincalmonlybecauseshehadbeensowelleducatedthatnotevenimminentmortalperilcouldmakehercryout.
Unexpectedly,theswordleftNed’shandandflewovertheirheads,arcinggentlyasdancersscreamedandcowered.Watchingit,CharlottecaughtsightofAlex’sface,oftheperfecttranquilitythere,andrealizedhehadnotworriedforevenamomentaboutwhatNedmightdo.ItastonishedCharlotteand,wereshenotstandingbeneathasharp,flyingblade,and—worse!—withherfuriousauntbearingrapidlytowardher,shemighthavefeltamoment’sfiercelongingforthatdegreeoffriendshipandtrust.
Theswordcamedownpreciselyasitwasaimed:intotheupraised,lace-glovedhandofCeciliaBassingthwaite.
Typical,Charlottethoughtdourly.(OneofcoursedidnotwishCeciliaanyharm…butifshe’dfailedtocatchthesword,ordroppeditonherfootperhaps,scratchinghergorgeousshoes,thenonewouldbemoreinclinedtobelieveinthebenevolenceoftheuniverse.)
Ceciliaspunthesworddispassionately,turnedonherheel,andappliedthepommelwithaprofessionaldegreeofforceagainstMissPlim’shead.
Charlottegaspedinhorror—andthemerestbreathofdelight.
MissPlimwentdowninaheapofblackcrinoline.Hertopknotthwackedasithitthefloor.
“Thatshouldgiveyoutenminutesorso,”Nedsaid.HejumpedfromthechairandslappedAlex’sshoulderinafriendlymanner.
“Thanks,”Alexmuttered.
“Ishouldn’thavedoneit,sinceitonlyencouragesyourbadbehavior.”NedfrownedfirstatAlexandthenCharlotte,whowouldhavestaredbackimperiouslyifshewasn’tawareofCeciliacomingupbehindher,coolandelegant,notahairoutofplace.Asaresult,sheonlymanagedtolookqueenly,whichisnotasnobleasitsounds.NedreachedbetweenherandAlextotakehisswordbackfromCecilia,andthesmilehegavehiswifewassounconsciouslytender,someltingwithloveandregard,thatCharlotte’slookdegradedtocommonenvy,andoutofthecornerofhereyeshesawAlexgrimace.
“Youreallyneedtoseparate,”Nedcontinuedashesheathedhissword.“Alex,goquietforawhile.Smugglesomesugar,robafewminorlendinginstitutes.MissPettifer,gohome.Iknowit’senjoyablestirringuptrouble,butyou’llfindamorelastingcontentmentinyourownspheres.”
“Whatnonsense!”
AllthreeturnedtostareatCecilia.Shestaredbackunperturbed.“Don’tlistentohim.Hejustdoesn’tliketheideaofwearingawhitewaistcoattoyourwedding—hethinksdoingsoatourswasenoughforalifetime.Themanisafool.”
“Butadebonairfool,”Nedargued.
“Wedding?”Alexsaidweakly.
“Besides,”Nedadded.“Iwouldwearapinkdresstotheirweddingiftheyaskedme.Thatisentirelybesidethepoint.”
“Excuseme,whatwedding?”Charlottesaid.
“Thepointis,”Ceciliacontended,“theyhaveanamulettoretrieve.”
Nedraisedaneyebrow.“Wehaveanamulettoretrieve.”
AlexglancedatCharlotte.“Wedding?”hewhispered.Sheshookherheadwithbemusement.Thecrowd,nowsilentinfascinationatthesceneunfoldingbeforethem,smirkedandnudgedeachother.
“Yes,dear,”Ceciliacontinued.“Thisiswhywemustkeepaneyeonthem,whichwecandomoreeasilyiftheyarerunningaroundtogether,attractingpolicemen,outragedpirates,andwit—Er,womenwhoareinnowayinvolvedinwitchcraft.Betterthisthanthemworkingindependentlyinsecret.”
“Well,theywon’tberunninganywhereiftheydon’tstartbeforetheauntrecovers.”
Atthisreminder,Charlottejoltedtoattention.“Thankyouforyourassistance,CaptainLightbourne,MissBassingthwaite,”shesaid,“butwemustbeleaving.WereCaptainO’RileyandInotcommittedenemies,withabsolutelynoplansforawedding,wewouldinviteyoutoafternoonteainour—er,thatis,CaptainO’Riley’shouse.ButI’mafraidwemustdash.”
“Ofcourse,”Ceciliasaid.“Iamthelastpersonwhowouldinflictawoman’sauntuponher.Itwaslovelytomeetyouagain,MissPettifer.Ihopeyouwillcometomewhenyouareplanningyourbabyshower.Myhousemaidhasdevelopedamaniaforknittingbooties,andwenowhavemorethanwewillhopefullyeveruse.”
“Babyshower?!”Alexechoedinastrangledvoice.
Afewvoicesinthecrowdchuckled.Alex’sglarerepressedthembackintoprudentsilence.
“Thankyou,MissBassingthwaite,”Charlottesaidstiffly.“Iwouldonedayenjoyadiscussiononfootwear.”SheignoredthesmallnoiseAlexmade,forshefeltlikeshewascrossingachasmonanuncertainropebridge,andneedednodistractionslestsheplummetintomortalembarrassment.“Iamkeentoknowwhereyouboughtthosecharmingshoesyouarewearing.”
Ceciliasmiledwarmly,andtheropebridgebecamealittlesteadier.“Iwouldbehappytotellyou.Perhapswemightdefythefeudandtakeluncheontogetheronedaysoon.WecouldadmireBlackBeryl’samuletdisplayedabovemyhearth.”
Charlotte’sownsmileinreplywastepid,butonlybecauseithadoriginatedfromalifetimeofbeingoutinthecold.“IwouldbepleasedtobringBerylBlack’samuletonmyvisit,andsetittemporarilyaboveyourhearthsowemayadmireittogether.”
Theylookedateachotherwithasteadysilencethat,foranytwootherwomen,wouldhavebeenachuckle.Charlotterealizedshe’dcrossedthebridge,andhadamoment’sprideinherselfbeforepanickingandrunningbackalongittosafegroundagain.“Comealong,CaptainO’Riley.Wemustbeleaving.Althoughwearenottogether”—shegaveNedafiercelook,andheraisedhishandstosurrenderthepoint—“wehadbetterreturntothehousebeforeAuntJudithrouses.”
ShegaveCeciliaasharplittlenodthenstrodeaway,Alexfollowinginsomewhatofadaze,hishandstillinhers.“Howdidwegetfromaweddingtoababyshowerinoneconversation?”hecouldbeheardaskingastheymadetheirwaythroughthecrowdtoadoorsomeonehastilyopenedforthem.
Nedsmiledsidelongathiswife.
“Youshouldn’treallyhaveteasedthemlikethat,”shechided.
“Iwasn’tteasingthem,”hesaidinanobletone.“Iwastestingthem.”
“NedLightbourne,fairygodfather?”
“Well,Iamratherdressedforit.”
Cecilialaughed.AndasMissPlimraisedherselfgroaningfromthefloor,theynonchalantlywalkedpastherandoutthewayAlexandCharlottehadcomein,pocketingwalletsandaparticularlyfetchingemeraldringastheywent.
Outsidethehall,CharlotteandAlexdisengagedtheirhandsself-consciously.Charlotteputonhersunglasses;Alexshovedathishairashefrownedupanddownthestreet.
“Allright,”hesaid,“Igiveup.Idon’tknowwhereweare.Infact,I’mcompletelylost.”
Charlotteswallowedbackaninstinctive“Itoldyouso,”forshetoopossessednoideaoftheirlocation.This,however,didnotpreventherfromstridingpurposefullysouthward.“Followme,”sheannouncedinthetoneofawomanwhoknewexactlywhereshewasheading.Withashrug,Alexobeyed.
Theyreachedtheendofthestreet,incantatedoverafence,hurriedthroughagarden,andthenwalkedanotherstreeteatinggrapestheyhadobtainedfromavineinthatgarden.MissPlimwouldstrugglenowtofindthem,andCharlottebegantorelax.Herposturestiffened.Herbootheelssmackedmoredecidedlyagainstthecobblestones.
“Despiterecentcircumstances,Iwouldlikeyoutoconsideryourselfstillunderabduction,Captain,”shesaid.“Myeldersarenotentitledtoenforceaprejudicedinjunctiononmyplans;Iremainindependentofopinionandthereforeofaction.”
Alexfrownedasheworkedthisthrough.“Ah.Theycan’ttellyouwhattodo,”hetranslatedfinally.“Iagree.Butsweetheart,soonerorlateryou’regoingtohavetofacethetruththatwe’rechoosingtostaytogether.”Heshiftedagrapebetweenhisteethandgrinnedather.“IcouldhavetossedyououtmydooranytimeIwanted,andyoucouldhavewalkedawayassoonaswereachedClacton.Wearenotexactlybeingsensible.”
Shenarrowedhereyesathim.“Doyouwantmetoleave?”
Hisexpressionleapedasifinalarm.“No.No,I’mnotsayingthat.Butyou’reriskingyourreputationifyoustay.”
Charlotteliftedherchinsohighwithaffronteddignity,shepulledamuscleinherneck.“Ihaveaperfectlyfearfulreputation.Thereisnoreasonpeopleshouldn’tbelievethatIkidnappedyou.”
Hesmiledwryly.“Imeantyourreputationasanunmarriedwoman.”
“Oh.Well.Iwillnotdenyitwouldbepoliticallysensibletorelinquishyourcompany.Butyouhavenotyetbroughtmealltheway.”
“Yourreactionlastnightsuggestsotherwise.”
Shecasthimabrief,disdainfullook.“Ishallignorethat.Onlyanuncouthpersonemployslewdinnuendo.Itshowsakinkintheimagination,andIurgeyoutotakeamoresomber,penetratingperspective,Captain.It’snothard.”
“Itisnow,”hemuttered,butthankfullyshedidnothearhim.
“ImeantallthewaytoLadyArmitage’shouse,whichwillbetheclimaxofourefforts.OnceIhavemyamulet,youcanwithdraw.”
Alexlaughed.“Ohdear,Idoloveyou,”hesaid—
Andsilenceclampeddownbetweenthem
“Um,”headded,pushingahandthroughhishair.“Metaphoricallyspeaking,ofcourse.”
“Ofcourse,”Charlotteagreedhastily.Sherealizedshehadstoppedwalking,possiblybecauseherheartseemedtohavestoppedbeating;shebegantostrideoncemorealongthestreet.“Donotlooksoconcernedonmybehalf,Captain.Itisacommonenoughstatement.Forexample,Imyselflovethathousetherewiththewoodenshutters.Ilovetea.Iloveyou,andyoursmile,andthewayyousighinyoursleep.See,common.Unconcerning.Wearestillenemies.”
“Mortalenemies,”heagreed,smilingratherself-consciously.
“Enemiesborntoutterlydespiseeachother.Mindyou,thisdoesn’tmeanwecan’ttakealittlenocturnalexercisetogethernowandagain,intheinterestofourhealth.”
“Iamalsopartialtoexerciseinthemorning,”Alexsaid,“tostartmydayright.”
Charlottenodded.“Itisimportanttokeepfit.Especiallyinourlineofwork.”
“Don’tlettheWisteriaSocietyorWickenLeaguehearyousaythat.Ourworkiscompletelydifferent,remember.”
Somehowtheirhandshadbecomeentangledagain.Theyswungthemastheywalked.“Everythingaboutusisdifferent,”Charlottesaid.“Tobeginwith,piratesarewrongandwitchesareright.”
Helaughed.“Idisagreewithyousoheartily,Iwanttotakeyouhomeandexerciseyourbrainsoutthisverymoment.Butiftheyfoundus,they’veprobablyalsofoundmyhouse.Idoubtit’ssafeforustoreturnjustnow.”
“Bother.HowwillwegivechaseifLadyArmitagesuddenlyleavestown?”
Alexshrugged.“Icanflyanything.Buttobehonest,IsuspectArmitageislonggone.”
“Excuseme,”cameamildvoicebehindthem.
Theyshiftedasideautomaticallytomakespaceonthefootpath.“Ifearyoumayberight,”Charlotteagreed.“Look,thatstreetsignsaysweareonAnchorRoad,andyetIseenoreddooraheadofusanywhere.”
“Excuseme,”camethevoiceagain.
Theyshiftedintheoppositedirection.“Bixbywillhavetogetdownanotherloadofinformation,”Alexsaid,“andrerouteustoalikelynewport.”
“Excuse!Me!”
Attheirritatedshout,theyturned,eyebrowsraisedinsurprisethatanyonewouldyellatapiratewhowasmoreweaponsthanman.
Andfoundawomanstandinginthedoorwayofatownhousefivefeetbehindthemonthepavement—andfivefeetabovethepavement.Shesmileddownatthem,revealinglargeteeththatglintedmenacinglyinthesunlight.
Herhairwasarigidgrayfan.
Herdoorwasbloodred.
“Ihearyouhavebeenlookingforme,”shesaid.
“LadyArmitage!”Charlottedraggedoffhersunglassesasifdoingsowouldimprovethevisionbeforeher.Alas,shewasstillstaringatabonywomanencasedinadresssoblack,itwentbeyondmeredarknessintoaneclipseofallpossiblelight,hope,andhappiness.ThiswasadressthatmighthavebeenmarketedasCouturedelaTragédiewereitwornbyayoungerwoman,butdespitehererectstanceLadyArmitageexudedagetotheworryingdegreeofclose-to-death.(Orpossiblyclosewithdeath,whichisconsiderablymoreworryingwhenassociatedwithapirate.)
“Atyourservice,”repliedthelady.“Althoughwhoseservice,exactly?Irecognizethisboy.”Shepointedalong,loose-skinnedfingeratAlex.“Youonceplayedwithmygrenadecollectionwhileyourfathertriedtosellmeabagofturnipseeds.HethoughtIwasstupidenoughtobuythem—butwherewouldIplantseedsinabattlehouse,Iaskyou?Irememberyourprettyeyes,soblue—andblackandpurple.My,howyou’vegrown.”
Alextookasmallstepbackasherlecherousgazestrokedhimfromheadtofootandhalfwaybackupagain.Charlotteshiftedprotectivelyclosertohim,andLadyArmitage’sattentionsnappedherway.Charlotteflinchedsoslightlyitmighthavebeenamereblink.Nowickedoldpiratewomanscaredher!
Notcompletely,anyway.
“Whoareyou?”theladydemanded.
“CharlottePettifer,”shereplied.“Ihavecomeformyamulet.”
“Pettifer,Pettifer.Goodnessme,notbyanychanceniecetoJudithPlim,wholeadstheWickenLeagueofwitches?”
Charlottestaredsilentlyinreply.LadyArmitagehadasmilelikeahangman’snoose.
“Well,well,apirateandawitchstandingtogetheratmydoor.ImusthavelivedforeverbecausenowI’veseeneverything.”
“Wearenottogether,”Charlotterepliedwithexasperation.“Whydoeseveryonekeepsayingthis?”
“Wearemerelyinproximitytoeachother,”Alexagreed.“Asenemies.Mortalenemies.”
LadyArmitageleeredattheirjoinedhands.“That’saveryinterestingdegreeofproximity.Butwhyaretwonicechildrenlikeyoubotheringme?HaveyounotheardIamanevilgenius,scourgeoftheskies,votedWorld’sMostNotoriousPiratein1882?”
AlexandCharlotteglancedateachother.Charlotteshrugged.“Actually,no.”
“Iheardyouusesnakeoilforyourarthritisandhaveahabitofparkingonotherpeople’sroofs,”Alexadded.
“WellInever!”Thesmuggrinsnappedshut.ThedoorfolloweditsexampleandbeforeCharlottecouldknockonitinaperemptorymanner,orAlexhititwithhissword,thehouselurchedandflewaway.
18CHARLOTTEISNOTTOOPROUD—THENARRATIVEBECOMESABODICE-RIPPER—LEAPOFFAITH—ATRAITORISREVEALED—ALEXANDCHARLOTTEDISAGREE—DODOBONESANDDOOMEDTREASURES—THEPOINTOFNORETURN
Alady’sangerisveryrapid;itjumpsfromannoyancetovexation,frompiquetoincandescentrage,inamoment.
“Damn!”Charlotteswore,herinternalElizabethBennetcombustinginoneiratesyllable.
Alexreleasedherhand,andCharlottesupposedhewasdisgustedbysuchanunfeminineoutburst.Herheartcrackedandfellheavilyintoherstomach.Butitbecameapparenthehadmerelybeenfreeinghimselftopullalong-barreledpistolfromathighholsterandaimittowardLadyArmitage’shouse.Charlottedidnotevenhavetimetoquestionthesenseinshootingahousebeforehedidso.
Athindarkstreakspedthroughtheair.Thegunhadfiredwhatlookedlikeastringthatwasnowattachedtothehousebyasmall,deeplyembeddedhook.AlexcaughtCharlotteaboutthewaistandpulledherclose.
“Holdontome,”hesaid.“Andperhapsgiveusaboostofmagicincasethegrapneldoesn’tstickandweplungetoourcertainandhorribledeath.”
“Um,”wasallCharlottehadtheopportunitytosaybeforetheybegantoliftofftheground,towedbytheascendinghouse.Astonishmentsilencedher.Untilafewdaysago,thegreatestheightshehadvisitedwasthebelfryofSt.Stephen’sclocktower,wheresheinspectedBigBen(andstoleagoldpocketwatchfromthetourguideasasouvenir).Now,itseemed,shespenthalfherlifeintheair.Andwhileshelikedtothinkofherselfasanopen-minded,adaptingkindofperson(whichgoestoshowjusthowself-delusionaleventhemostintelligentwomancanbe),suddenlyfindingherselfswingingonalengthofstringbeneathahousewasratherunnerving.
SeekinginhermindforthecalmgoodsenseofElinorDashwoodorthecapabilityofAnneElliot,shewassurprisedtofindinsteadimagesofhermother.
Untilnow,DelphinePettifer,néePlim,hadbeenawhimsicalcreatureinsoftfocusattheedgeofCharlotte’slife,warm,cheerful,anddotingfortwentyminutesbeforesupperoratbedtime.CharlottehadneverthoughtofherasanythingmorethanMother.NowherewerememoriesofDelphinesurreptitiouslyreadingaFrenchnovel.SlippingpepperintoMissPlim’stea.UsingMissGloughenbury’staxidermiedpoodleinanimpromptugameoftoss-and-catchwiththeparlormaidwhenMissGloughenburywasnotlooking.
CharlotterealizedforthefirsttimeinherlifethatPlimdidnotonlymeanAuntJudith,andtightlypinchedlips,andgoingthroughlifewithabroomstickstuckupone’sopinions.Italsomeantwritingawicked,handsomepirate’snameonone’sdinnerinvitationlist.
“Aereo!”shesaidwithhermother’sverve,andtheyflewuptowardthereddoor.
ButArmitageHousetippedabruptly,asifsomeonehadhiccuppedinthemiddleofincantating.Itveeredtowardarose-vinedbungalow,carryingCharlotteandAlexinalongswooptocollidewiththebungalow’sroof.AlexturnedwithbotharmsaroundCharlottetoprotectherfromthebruntofimpact,anactofchivalryshesuspectednotevenMr.Darcycouldequal.Theyscrambledtocatchholdoftherooftileswithhandsandbootheels.ArmitageHouseveeredagain,andAlextossedhisgunasidebeforetheywerepulledinanotherwildcoursestraightintoachimneyorthehard-pavedroad.
“Thathouseisasmadasitsowner,”hesaid.TouchingCharlotte’sface,heseemedtodrawherheartbackupfromthepitofherstomach,intoherthroatinstead.“Areyouallright?”
Charlottenodded,hervoicetumblingoverLatinwordsasshecreatedabolsterofairaroundthem.Theywereabletohaulthemselvestotheirfeet,halfwayuptheroof(orhalfwaydown,whichtheydidnotwanttothinkabout).Charlottebegantuggingurgentlyatthetinypearlbuttonsofherbodice.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Alexasked,watchingherinbewilderment.
“Ican’tmoveproperlyinthisblastedthing,”sheexplained,grimacingasthebuttonsrefusedtocooperate.
“Wait.”Hebroughtoutalarge,serratedknifeandsetaboutefficientlyrelievingherofherdressbymeansoftearingitapartrightdownthefront.
Charlotteraisedaneyebrow,impressed.“You’vedonethisbefore.”
“Maybe,”hesaidthroughasmallsmile.Charlottepulledoutofhersleevesandthedressfellaway,tumblingdowntherooflikeanerrantcloud.Charlottewasleftbarelycladinathigh-lengthchemise,acorsetcoveredbyasilkcamisole,whitelacedrawersthatreachedbelowherknees,stockingsthatencasedtherestofherlegs,andankleboots.Herhairsweptinblushing,breeze-stirredwavesagainsttheshockingnakednessofherarms.Shefeltlight,liberated—andreadytoapplythosebootstotheposteriorofanyonestandingbetweenherandheramulet.
Alexwaslookingatherwitheyesmorevividthantheafternoonsky.Charlotteknewherowneyesheldthesameintenseenergy.Heholsteredhisknife.Shebegantoincantate.Theyranalongtheslopeoftheroof.
Andleapedtotheneighboringroof,theincantationpropellingthemsmoothlyovertheinterveningspace.ArmitageHousewasswayingasittriedtogainheightundertheinfluenceofanapparentlyineptpilot.Racingtowardit,bootssmackingagainsttherooftilesandmakingthecottage’soccupantslookupfromtheirafternoonteainconfusedhorror,theyleapedagain.
Soaringpastchimneysandovertheroad,theylandedwithathudontheroofofArmitageHouse.Laughing,Charlotteshookbackherhair.Shehadneverfeltmorealive.IfsomeonehandedherafirsteditionofPrideandPrejudiceinthismoment,shewouldthrowitawayjusttowatchitfly.
Theyskiddeddowntheslopeoftiles,vaultedthegutters,andcamedownonasmall,wrought-iron-framedbalcony.Alexunsheathedhissword.Charlottesmoothedherhair,thenopenedthebalconydoors.TheysteppedintoLadyArmitage’sgilded,pink-walledsittingroom.
“Ah,”saidtheoldladyfromwhereshereclinedonasofa.“Thereyouare.”
Shecastasmileatthem,smug,disdainful:areprobateneedingonlyonefluffywhitecatinordertoreacharch-villainstatus.
“Standup,madam,”Alexordered,brandishinghissword.
LadyArmitageelevatedhereyebrowsbut,alas,nootherpartofherbody.“Whydon’tyousitdown,boy?Bothofyou,yes?Wecanhaveacut-throat.No,wait,Imeanchin-wag.Haha.”
Ontheothersideoftheroom,TomEamescalledoutinavoicedeprivedofitsvowelsbytheclothtiedabouthismouth.Inafinesuit,hishairslickedwithpomade,aredroseinhislapel,andquantitiesofropeattachinghimtothechair,hehadbeenalldressedupandthengivennoplacetogo.Nearby,avicarwasalsoobligedtoLadyArmitage’sunyieldinghospitality.(Thetwomenwere,ifyouwill,bridled.)Afootmanstandingbythedoorhadthestarkexpressionofsomeonewhoknowsthat,ifhedoesnotobeyorders,he’llbemarriednext.
Alexglancedatthemen,assessingtheriskofthesituationinoneprofessionalglance,butCharlotte’sattentionwasentirelydevotedtotheglass-and-goldpendantLadyArmitageworeagainstherbreast.
“Ihavecomeformyamulet,”sheannouncedinabusinessliketone.“However,Idonotwishtointrude,asIknowthisisnotaproperhourformakingcalls.Ifyou’lljusthanditover,please,weshallleavestraightaway.”
“And,”Alexpromptedquietlyoutofthecornerofhismouth.
“Oh,yes.Andkindlydonotstealitagain.”
“ImeantTom,”Alexmurmured.
Charlotteblinkedafewtimes.“Tom?”
“Fellowoverthereallsuitedupforawedding,albeitnottohisactualfiancée?”
“Ofcourse.Tom.Ibegyourpardon,LadyArmitage,butinadditiontomyamuletIrequireyoutohandoverTomEels.”
“Eames,”Alexcorrected.Charlotteshrugged.
LadyArmitagelaughedmerrily,asoundlikerattlingbones.“My,whataforthrightgirl.Ilikethat.Won’tyoustayandhavesometea?We’lldiscussamuletsand”—sheflashedAlexamatrimonialglance—“othermatters.”
Charlottesetherjaw.“No,thankyou.”
“Iinsist,dear.”
“AndIinsistonleaving.”
“Ah,butmyinsistencecomeswithbullets.”
Shedirectedasignificantlookpastthem,hersmileuncoilingoncemore.CharlotteandAlexturned—
Andsighed.
MissDearlovestoodbythebalconydoorswithapistolineachhand,aimeddirectlyattheirhearts.Or,moreprecisely,giventheirheightdifference,atCharlotte’sheartandAlex’sstomach,althoughthisseemsanitpickingdetailunderthecircumstanceofbeingheldatgunpointbyacold-eyedtraitor.
“You!”Charlottesaid.
“Who?”Alexasked.
“Mrs.Chuke’smaid,”Charlotteexplained.“Theprettygirl.”
MissDearlovegazedatthemexpressionlessly.
“Infact,sheismymaid,”LadyArmitageputinfromthesofa.“Excellentservant,poursaperfectcupoftea.Perfectaim,too,soIsuggestyoudon’tmakeanysuddenmoves.IthasbeenmosttiresomehavingherawayspyingontheWickenLeague—althoughsinceitultimatelyresultedinmyacquisitionofBlackBeryl’samulet,Ioughtnotcomplain.”Shecaressedsaidamuletlovingly,andTomsquirmedinhisbonds.“Suchanelegantpieceofwork,andsorichwithmagicalpotential.Ihavebeentryingdifferentwordsfromtheincantationtounlockit.ThusfarallI’vemanagedistoexplodeonelittlechurch.”Shewavedcheerfullyacrossatthevicar,whoglaredbackinamostunholymannerindeed.“Icanfeelthepowerwithintheglass.AtfirstIwasthinkingitmighthelpmedestroytheWisteriaSociety,butwhyaimsolow?Afterall,weinEnglandareblessedbythemostdelightfullyflammablecities.”
Shepausedtochuckleatthethought,hereyesbrighteningasifwithalitfuse.Thensheshookherhead.“Butenoughexpositionofmywickedplans.Itismostrudeofmetokeepyouhangingaroundatgunpointlikethis.Dearlove,kindlyringforteaandsomepoisonedbisc—”
Suddenlythehousereeledtoport.LadyArmitagetoppledoffhersofa,hittingthefloorwithatwangofinterestingundergarments.MissDearlovestaggered.Immediately,Alexspunabout,hisfootrisingtokickthegunsfromthemaid’sgrip.Shetrippedbackward,hissinginpain.Alexcompletedtheturn,double-punchedthefootmanwhohadrushedforward,andstrodeovertocaptureLadyArmitagebeforethewomancouldretaliate.Haulingherupatswordpoint,hewincedasshespatcurses(andafragmentofboiledlolly)athim.
Atthesametime,Charlotteincantatedthegunsfromthefloorintoherownpossession.“Nobodymove,”shesaidinatonethatmighthavebeenmorecompellinghadsherememberedtoputherfingersontheguntriggers.
“You!”Alexsnappedtothefootman.“Goandtellwhateveridiotistryingtopilotthishousetobringitdownatonce.Carefully.”
“Orelse?”thefootmaninquired,scowlingasheclutchedhisreddenedjaw.
“Orelseyou’rethefirstoneIkillonmywayuptothecockpittotakethewheelformyself.”
Thefootmancametoattention,anklesclappingtogethersmartly.“Rightyouare,sir,”hesaid,anddashedfromtheroom.
“Thisisinsufferable!”LadyArmitagedeclared.“Howdareyoucomeinhereandinterruptmyevilplottingtobehaveinsucha—a—piraticmanner!”
Alexlaughed,butCharlottewaslessamused.“Excuseme,”shesaid,thewordsbristlingwithoffense.“Iaminnowaypiratic.Iammerelyhijackingyourhouse,holdingyouandyourservantatgunpoint,andpreparingtostealthatjewelaroundyourneck.CaptainO’Riley,pleasetaketheamuletfromLadyArmitageandhandittome.”
“Don’ttryanythingfoolish,”Alexadvisedtheladyasheattemptedtolifttheamuletonitschainoverherstiffhair.
“Isay,isthatmuskcologneyouarewearing?”shemurmuredinacaressingtone.
Alexrepliedinkindbyyankingonherchain.Itsnapped.“Thankyou,madam,”hesaid,smilingashedangledtheamuletbeforeherface.
“You’regoingtoregretthis,”shewarnedhimgleefully.
Alexshrugged.“DoIlooklikethesortofpersonwhohasregrets?”(AstatementheimmediatelyrepentedasLadyArmitagestrokedhisbodyyetagainwithhergaze.)
“Captain,”Charlottesaidimpatiently,takingastepforward.“Ifyoujustpasstheamulettome,wecandepartforthwith.”
“Mmph,”Tominterjected,butnobodynoticedhim.Alexwasregardingtheamuletwithaslightfrown,andCharlottewasregardingAlexwithasternerone.
“Captain,”sherepeated.
Helookedacrossather,andalovely,tendersmiletouchedhislips,buthiseyeswereoddlydimmed,asifhesawsomethingthroughherandfaraway.“Youknow,weprobablyshouldhavepausedforarealconversationatsomepointoverthepastfewdays.”
Charlottefrowned.“Whatdoyoumean?”
Hetippedhisheadtooneside,takingthesmilewithitintoanemotionmoreaslantoftenderness.“Wehavetodestroythisamulet,Lottie.”
“Destroy?!”sheandLadyArmitageechoedinmatchingtonesofhorror.
“Iunderstandyouhavebeautifulideasforitsuse,andIadmireyouforthat.Butnowomanshouldpossesssuchpower.”
“Nowoman?”Charlottefelthereyes—andherheart—narrowing.
“Ignorehim,dear,”LadyArmitageadvised.“Everymanisachauvinistatheart.Oratanotherpartoftheirbodytheytreatastheirheart.Betterjusttoshoothim.Goon;noonewillblameyou.”
Charlottedidnotevenheartheoldpirate’swords.ItseemedasiftheentireworldhadshrunkdowntoAlexstandingoppositeher,holdingBeryl’samulet.“Wecannotdestroyit!”
“Whynot?”heasked.
“Because…”Shegesturedratheraimlesslywiththeguns.“Because.Itismine.EvenifIhadnotstolenit,thusmakingitmyproperty—whichIdid—butevenifIhadnot—althoughinfactIdid—thenitwouldstillbelongtomebyreasonofmybeingtheProphesizedTrueHeirofBerylBlack.”
“Youknowthat’sjustaninventiontokeepyourfamilyinpower.”
“Ooh,”LadyArmitagesaid.Shegrinned,lookingfromCharlottetoAlexasifwatchinganexcitingtheaterproduction.
“Ofcourseitwasinvented,”Charlotterepliedwithadignitysostiff,MissPlimcouldhaveusedittopropuphertopknot.“Thatdoesn’tdevalueitseffectiveness.Aprophecyissomethingawitchintendstomaketrue.”
“Fairenough,”Alexsaid,andLadyArmitage’shairvibratedassheturnedbacktohim.“Butthatonlysupportsmyargument.AndforallthatItrustyou,darling,Idonottrustyouraunt.Therecanbenoriskofhergettingholdofsuchpower.Wehavetodestroyit.Youknowthat’stherightthingtodo.”
Charlottedidnotcaretoknowwhatsheknew.“You’reapirate,”sheretorted.“Whatdoyouknowabouttherightthing?”
Heshrugged.“Icertainlyknowenoughaboutthewrongthing.Iknowwhatawitchiscapableofwhenshehasnolimitsonherbehavior.Noempathy.Noonewhowillrousethemselvestostopher.Iknow,sweetheart,andIwon’tletanyoneelseexperiencethatifIcanhelpit.”
Silencehungbetweenthem.Alex’sfacewasstony,butCharlottesawbruisedmemoryinhiseyes,andfeltdecidedlyunwitchytearsrisingtoherown.LadyArmitagelookedlikeshewouldmurdersomeoneforabagofpopcorn—literally.Ontheothersideoftheroom,MissDearlovewascreepingsidelongtowardtheboundmenand,beyondthem,thesittingroomdoor.
“Tellmewhat’sinyourheart,Lottie,”Alexsaidinasoftvoicethatmightaswellhavebeenfullofdaggersandspikes,consideringitsimpact.Charlotteflinchedwithunexpectedpain.Noonehadeveraskedherthatquestion.Theyhadregulatedherlife,herdreams,eventhewordsshespoke—andshe’dstriventobeexactlywhattheyrequired.She’dtriedsohard,evenwhenithadconfusedher,evenwhenshehadtoplagiarizenovelstofurnishtheproperresponse—because,afterall,whatelsewasthere?BeneaththeprophecyandtherulesandtheoldLatinmagic,didsheevenreallyexist?
Damnthepirateforbelievingthatshedid.
Shetookadeepbreathtoanswerhim,andtheworldflickeredwithshadowsattheedgesofhervision.Raisingtheguns,sheshouted.
“No!”
Alexjolted,butitwastoolate.MissDearlovehadtossedadaggertoLadyArmitage,andtheoldpirate,catchingitexpertly,hadgrabbedhim,yankinghimbackagainstthegroaningstructureofhergownandpressingthebladetohisthroatbeforehecouldevenblink.
“Letthisbealessontoyou,boy,”shesaid,herbreathhotagainsthisear,asshesnatchedtheamuletawayfromhim.“Ialwayssaythatnothingistobedoneinrobberywithoutsteadyandregularattention.IfIhadknownyourmother,Ishouldhaveadvisedhermoststrenuouslytoengageaburglarytutorforyou.”
“Youcriminal!”Charlotteexclaimed,thepistolstremblingdangerouslyinhergrip.“YouaremanglingLadyCatherinedeBourgh’swordsmostdreadfully!”Alexgaveheranincredulouslook;blushing,sheadded,“AndyouarewickedindeedtoholdCaptainO’Rileyatknifepoint!LethimgoorIwillshootyou!”
LadyArmitagesmirked.“Andriskhittinghim?Idon’tthinkso.Forpeoplewhoare‘nottogether,’youtwocertainlyhaveafinerepertoireofpassionatelooks.Besides,therearenobulletsinthoseguns.”
Charlotteregardedtheweaponswithfrustration,thentossedthemaside.AlexsawthemagicflareinhereyesandhegraspedholdofLadyArmitage’shandwithbothofhis,clenchingitsotightlyheheardthebonesgrindtogetheramomentbeforesheyelpedanddroppedtheknife.
“Aereo!”Charlottesnapped,leapingintotheair.Magicpropelledherhigher,andasshecartwheeledforward,anglingherelegantandexplosiveboottowardLadyArmitage’shead,Alexducked,escapingthepirate’sclutcheseffortlessly.Heheardaloudtwang,andturnedtoseeCharlottebeingflungbackwardasshebouncedoffthesolidfanofLadyArmitage’shair.
Alexcaughthisbreath,butshespunwithpracticedeaseandcamedownonasideboard.ItsdisplayofdodoboneswentflyinginabittersweetmomentthathadLadyArmitagesquealing,andAlextookadvantageofherdistractiontosnatchbacktheamulet.LadyArmitageimmediatelylungedforhim.Hesteppedaway,holdingtheamulethighoutofreach,Dowehurtfrail,elderlyladies?eachdemandedinastridentIrishaccent.No,heansweredobediently—andwincedastheywhackedhimanywaywiththeirrulersfortheinconvenienceofhavinghadtoaskthequestion.Soheretreateduntilhisbackmetthesofa,andthenrealizinghimselftrappedbetweenarogueandahardplace,hedrewabreath—
AndwithoutfurtherthoughtthrewtheamulettoCharlotte.
Shewassoastonishedbyhistrustinher,shemissedthecatch.Astheamuletfelltothefloor,theireyesmet,andthewryhumorinhiscounteredthewonderinhers.Beforeeitherofthemcouldblink,MissDearlovehadappearedbetweenthem,calmandquietasifstrollinginarosegarden.Shegaveoneefficientsidelongkick,andtheamuletscootedacrossthefloortodisappearbeneaththesofa.
“Ha!”shoutedLadyArmitageandpunchedAlexhard.
Thenwincedasherbonesshudderedagainsthisabdominalmuscles.
HepushedherawayandturnedtoshoveatthesofaevenasheheardCharlotte’svoicecracklingthroughtheroom.
“Proximare!”
Shepointedtothesofa,presumablyaiminghermagicattheamuletbeneath.Butthesofa,alreadyinmotion,respondedinstead.Itlurchedviolentlyintotheair,rockingbackandforthasitssedentarynatureviedwiththemagic,andthenshottowardCharlotte.InstincthadAlexrunningforhereventhoughheknewhecouldnotoutpacespeedingfurniture.
Charlottejumpedfromthesideboardjustasthesofasmashedintothewallabove,andAlexgrabbedher,throwingthembothaside.Thesofatumbledtoearthwithabone-shakingthud.
Clingingtoeachother,theyinhaledshakily,andAlexrolledsotheycouldmoreeasilygettotheir—
“Stoprightthere.”
Lookingup,hesawagunbarrel,andbehinditthesharpredsmileofLadyArmitage.HisarmstightenedaroundCharlotte.
“Ithasbeenalongandtiringweek,”thepiratecomplained,“betweenorganizingmytrousseau,blowingupthechurch,andkidnappingthevicar.Iappreciatetheentertainmentyouhaveprovidedhere,butthat’senoughnow.Timetobringanend.”
“Therearenobulletsinthatgun,”Charlotteremindedher.
LadyArmitage’ssmilequirked.Shepulledthetrigger.
AlexhunchedoverCharlotteprotectivelyasthefloornexttothemexplodedinascreamingshowerofsparksandwoodchips.
“Iamapirate,”LadyArmitagesaidcoolly.“Youdidn’tthinkIwastellingthetruth,didyou?Dearlove,kindlygoanddustthetorturechamber.IdobelieveIshallgivemyselfahen’spartybeforemyweddingtomorrow.”ShechuckledasshekickedAlexwithherbootedtoe.“Althoughthesetwowillbetheonessquawking.”
19(SPOILERALERT)MISSPLIMISDISCONTENT—MR.ROTUNDER’SUNFURNISHING—THEWISTERIASOCIETYARRIVES—ASSAULTWITHADEADLYCOMPLIMENT—BATTLESTATIONS—MRS.OGDENHASANINTERESTINGDAY—BANGERSANDMASH—ASSORTEDEXPLOSIONS
MissPlimwastheunhappiestcreatureintheworld.Perhapsotherpeoplehavesaidsobefore,butnotonewithsuchjustice.ShewasunhappierthanevenMissDarlington;thatladyonlygrumbled,MissPlimgrouched.Everyonecouldtellwhatshesuffered!Butnoonecared,forthosewhocomplainareneverpitied.ItwouldbeenoughtobringMissPlimtodespair,didshenotalreadylivetherepermanently,withadraftyhouse,aperpetuallywitheredgarden,andaholidayhomeattheedgeofmelancholiawhenshefeltlikeachangeofview.
Charlotte’sbehaviorhadlefthersounhappyindeed,shedidnotevenkneelonMrs.Rotunder’sdrawingroomcarpettopickoutunsightlyfluff,ashadbecomeherhabitsincetravelingwiththepirate.ThememoryofCharlotterunningawayfromher,handinhandwithapirate,lurkedattheedgeofherconsciousness,clutchingitsportfolioofimagesandchewingonitslowerlip,toonervoustoventureintoMissPlim’simmediateawareness.Thelasttimeittried,itgotbeatenbackbyfuryanddissociation.Itstillhadthescars:Charlottehadrevertedtoayounggirlandthepirate’sfacewasasnarlingshadowflashingwithteeth.Thememorywastakingnofurtherrisks,andnudgedontothefieldinsteadagaggleofshivery,high-pitchedlittlecomplaintsaboutMrs.Rotunder’sweaktea.
MissPlimsethercupbackonitssaucerwithanexpressiveclink.Butnooneelseinthedrawingroomnoticed.Mrs.RotunderwasbusychastisingMr.Rotunderfortakinghisarmoffincompany(itwasawoodenarm,fashionedfromalegofamahoganybedsidetable,andyes,sadly,Mr.Rotunderdidtendtojokeabouthisarmthatwasaleg).Mrs.Chukepacedwithasmuchagitationasispossibleinaheavilybustleddress,frettingaboutherabsentmaid,MissDearlove.Hadthegirlbeenmugged?Murdered?Stolenawaytobethebrideofahalf-madbaronintheScottishhighlands?Orindeed,allthree?
MissPlimlostpatience.Asighexplodedfromhermouth,followedbyatsktskthatrolledawayfromitlikeaburningwheel.
Butnoonenoticedthateither,forjustthenMrs.Rotunder’sbutlerappearedatthedoor.
“Visitors,madam,”heannounced.“MissFairweather,MissFairweather,Mr.Bassingthwaite;MissBrown,MissBrown,Mrs.Eames.”Hepaused,swallowingnervously.“AndMissJones.”
Thepiratestroopedinlikeasentencefullofadjectives,adverbs,andexclamationmarks,punctuatedfinallybythetinyblackfullstopofVerisimilitudeJones,whowasgenerallycalled,ormoreprecisely,screamed,“MillietheMonster.”EvenMissPlimfeltratheroverwhelmedbyitall.Shestood,forcedanotherquarterinchofheightoutofheralreadystrainingspine,andglaredsuperciliouslyatthenewcomers.
Butsincepiratesarecomposedentirelyofsuperciliousnessandsweetenedtea,noonepaidheranynotice.
MissBrownseniorsteppedforwardtogreetMrs.Rotunder.“Gertrude,Ilovewhatyou’vedonewithyourhair!Itsuitsyousomuchbetternow!”
“Anne,”Mrs.Rotunderreplied,smiling.“Thatdress!Youalwaysinspiremewithyourfashionchoices—IwishItoodidn’tcareaboutwhatotherpeoplethoughtofme.”
BeforeMissBrowncouldcounterattackwithanotherbrutalcompliment,Mr.FrederickBassingthwaiteimposedhimselfupontheconversation.“Ladies,howmagnificentthatweareunifiedheretodayonthismomentousoccasionoftogetherness,pirateandwitch,ourheartssingingwiththesublimeharmoniesoftrueandcourageous—”
MissPlimcoughedaword.Frederick’slipsbegantoveerleftandcomeinforalanding.
Hiswife,MissFairweatherjunior,frowned.Shewasagrim,bespectacledwomanwhoclearlywouldhavemadeanexcellentwitchhadshenotbeenbornonthewrongsideoftheincantation.
“Didyoujustusewitchcraftonmyhusband?”shedemanded.
MissPlimhadnothingtohide(otherthanthesilverteaspoon,vintageearrings,andguestsoapshehadthusfarstolenfromMrs.Rotunder).“Idid.”
MissFairweatherbowedslightly.
“Ladies,wehavecometojointhecampaignagainstIsabellaArmitage,”MissBrownexplained.“Shemustbepreventedfromusingtheamuletinsometerribleanddangerousmannerbeforeweourselveshavehadtheopportunitytodoso.”
“Shouldbesimpleenough,”Mrs.Rotundersaidwithashrug.
“AndwemustrescueTom!”ConstantinoplaBrownadded.
“Well,Idon’tknow,dear,”Mrs.Rotundermurmured.“Afterall,therisksinvolved,andthedifficultiesofgetting…”
“WeunderstandtherehavebeensomeshenanigansinvolvingCaptainO’RileyandMissPettifer,”MissBrowncontinued,regainingcontroloftheconversation.“Butwemustprioritizeourefforts.Wedonotbelievetheyareinanycurrentdanger.”
“Iagree,”MissPlimsaidcoolly.“Ifthereisanydanger,itwillbefrommydearnieceCharlotte,nottoher.”Besides,rebelliousgirlswhorunfromtheirwiseandlovingauntiesdeservetobeleftunrescuedontheirpathstraighttohell.
“And,”MissBrowncontinued,“theymightbeanywhere,whereaswehaveinformationstatingLadyArmitageisparkedonAnchorRoad,amerehalfmilehence.Wemusthurrytoambushher.Gertrude,yournewgrasshoppercannonfromAmericawillprovideavaluableaddition.”
“TheWhopperHopper,”Mrs.Rotundersaidproudly.“Ishallfireitupatonce.”
Excitementfilledtheroom.ButMissPlimclearedherthroatinamannerresemblingfingernailsdownachalkboard,andeveryoneturnedtostareather.
“Rushinginisfoolish,”shesaid.“Wemustplanourassaultcarefully.”
“Sure,”MillietheMonstersaid,grinning.“Here’stheplan:flyoverandshoot’erup.”
Shehauledforwardtheenormousrocketlaunchershehadstrappedonherback.Itwasalmostasbigasshewas,butsheproppeditagainstherhipwithease.
MissPlimeyedthelauncherwithdistaste.Shecouldimaginethemessitwouldcreate—someonewouldbesweepingupdustforweeksafterward.“Perhapsalittlemorenuancemightserveuswell,”shesuggested.
“Nuance?”Thepirateslookedateachotherinconfusion.“Nuance?”
“Ithinkshesaid‘noaunts.’?”Milliegrowled,turningherweaponinMissPlim’sdirection.“Wecanagreewiththat,can’twe?”
MissPlimraisedasmile,whichlookedasdeadlyastherocketlauncher.
“Ladies,”Mrs.Rotundersaidhastily.Havingspentthepastfewdayswithwitches,sheunderstoodsomethingnowofhowtheirmindsworked.(Hencetheweaktea,whichshehadsufferedherselfjustfortheenjoymentofseeingtheirfacesastheytriedtodrinkit.)“WearefortunatetohavewithusMissPlim,thegreatestwitchofhergeneration.”CatchingMissPlim’ssharpglance,shepolitelyamended,“Andseveralgenerationsbeforethat.WealsohaveMrs.Chuke,authoressofvariouspamphletsonCorrectEtiquettefortheBurgledandImportuned.”
“Darlings,”Mrs.Chukemurmuredbashfully,andwouldhavebroughtsaidpamphletsfromapocketofherdress,butMrs.Rotunderplowedon.
“Isuggestwemakethemostoftheseladies’exceptionaltalents.”
“Hm,”MissPlimresponded,liftingherchinwithregalacceptanceofherdue.
“Hmmm,”thepiratesrespondedmoreponderously,mouthstwitchingastheytriednottoglanceateachother.
AndsoitwasthatthetwowitchesweresenttothefrontlineofAnchorStreet,wheretheyweregiventhevitalroleofkeepingpedestriansatbaywhiletheWisteriaSocietydidthetediousworkofstormingArmitageHouse.
“Thisisabadidea,”MissPlimsaidwithamixtureofdisapprovalandgleeasshewatchedthefourpiratebattlehousesgatherforattack.“Youmarkmywords,Mrs.Chuke.Orrather,myword.Nuance,Mrs.Chuke.Nuance.”
“Sure,”Mrs.Chukeagreed(despitenotactuallyknowingwhatnuancemeant)andpulledoutabagofbonbonswhilesheawaitedtheshow.
Thebattlehousesloweredthemselvestowardthestreet,magiccracklingintheairasbutlerschantedthenavigationalincantation.Theirblackflagswhippedintheseabreeze.Theirfloweringwindowboxessuggestedthecolorsofbloodandgore—poppiesandazaleasbeingcurrentlyinseason.Fourwindowsswungopentoexposeenormousgunbarrelsandrocketlaunchers.
Theelegant,red-dooredtownhousesethalfwayalongthestreetdidnotrespond.WhateverLadyArmitagewasdoinginsideit,shefailedtorealizeshewasabouttobeblownintoathousandpieces.
Mrs.Chukepoppedabonbonintohermouth.“IwonderwhereCharlotteis?”shemused.
MissPlimshrugged.Hard-eyed,herjawclenchedwithabrutalsilence,shewaitedimpatientlyfortheexplosions,asiftheywouldsatisfythewellofemotionpluggeduptightwithinherbody.
ForMrs.Ogden,residentof23AnchorRoad,TuesdaysmeantasupperofbangersandmashwhilereadingthelatestWomen’sPennyPaper,perhapswithabitofpuddingafterwardifshe’dhadaharddayandneededatreat.
Mrs.Ogdenusuallyhadahardday.LifeinClacton-on-Seawasdifficultindeed.Forinstance,yesterdayshehadgonetothestorefordandelionwine,buttheywerealloutofstock.Andjustthismorningshe’dnearlybeenknockeddownbyaprettystrawberry-blonde-hairedgirlwavingamapandsaying,“North,Itellyou!North!”asshestrodeaheadofaman,clearlyherhusband,whoseexpressionwasfarmoreirritatedthanyouwantedtoseeonsomeonecarryingsomanyweapons.
Mrs.Ogdensighed,spooningherselfanotherheapofpudding.Itneverusedtobelikethis.BackinthedaysMr.Ogdenwasstillalive,itusedtobeawholelotmoreboring.Hedidnotcondonepudding,foronething.Badforthebowels,he’dsaid.Mr.Ogdenhadbeenbigonbowels,almostasmuchashehadbeenonbathingdailyinseawater,whichiswhyitwassuchadarkandterribletragedythathe’daccidentallyswallowedsomeunknownseacreaturewhileswimminganddiedafteraweekofseveredysentery.“Thisisforyou,Walter,”Mrs.Ogdenwouldsayinmemorialeverytimeshebroughtastickydatepudoutoftheovenandpouredcustardoverit.
Mr.Ogdenhadnotlikedsittingatthewindowlookingouteither,sinceitledtohemorrhoids;butinwidowhood—tobeprecise,seventy-fiveminutesintowidowhood—Mrs.Ogdenhadtakentotuckingherselfuponthecushionedwindowseat,bowlofpudorglassofwineinhand,andwatchingthevariousdoingsalongAnchorRoad.Shecouldrelycomfortablyonbeingpresentedwithsomedreadfulsight:youngwomenandmenperambulatingtogetherunchaperoned;hatlessbabiesbeingtakenoutincoldbreezes;Mrs.Wittersnextdoorchattingtothemilkmaneventhoughshewasmarried,thehoyden.
Butthisevening,asshesettleddowntowatchthedayfadeintotwilight,Mrs.Ogdenwasmetwithasightmoredreadfulthananyshehadbeforeexperienced.Shealmostchokedonpuddingasshestaredoutatit,herlacecurtainstwitching.
Fourpiratehouseshoveredinthestreetoutside.
Pirates!InClacton-on-Sea!Egads,howexcitingghastly!
Thewindowsflashedintheloweringsunlight.Thechimneyspuffedlittlewhitecloudsthatfloatedawaylikesheep—er,flyingsheepthatslowlydisintegrated.(Inallfairness,livingwithMr.Ogdenwouldweakenanyone’simagination.)Thescenemighthavebeenquitepicturesquewereitnotforthewhoppinggreatgunsprotrudingfromsomeofthosewindows.
Suddenly,Mrs.Ogden’shouseshookwithanenormousboomingsound.Thepuddingspoonclatteredagainstherteeth;herheartclatteredagainstherribs.
“WellInever!”Mrs.Ogdengrumbledasashiverofdustfellintoherpudding.Justwhatdidthosepiratesthinktheyweredoing?AnchorRoadwasapeacefulplace(exceptwhenMrs.Wittersgiggledloudlyatthemilkman).Peoplecouldn’tcomearoundshootingcannonswilly-nilly.LuckyforthemMr.Ogdenwasnolongeralive,orthey’dbegettingthesharpedgeofhis—
Boom!
Thehouseshudderedagain.Mrs.Ogdennearlyfelloffthewindowseat.Moredustwasfalling,andanunpleasantodorofsmokebegantofilltheroom.Mrs.Ogdengotunsteadilytoherfeet.Amomentlater,thewindowexplodedasasmallrockethowledthroughit,passingheratsuchproximityherpuffywhitehairsizzled,andthenembeddeditselfin
“OhIsay!”Mrs.Ogdenclaspedherbosomwithastonishment.
“Surrender!”
Thedemandroaredout,accompaniedbycopiousdoor-thumping.Mrs.Ogdenreachedautomaticallyforherrollingpin.
“Weknowyou’reinthere!”
Mrs.Ogden’seyesnarrowed.SherecalledMr.Ogdensayingthosesamewordsontheirhoneymoonasshehidintheouthouse,eatingleftoverweddingcake.She’dbeensquidgybackthen,butmarriageandwidowhoodhadfiredherspirit(andhadaremarkableeffectonherfeces).Tuggingonhercardigantostraightenit,shemarchedtothefrontdoor,yankeditopen,andswungoutwildlywiththerollingpin.
“ABritneversurrenders!”
Severalwomeninmagnificenthatsleapedback.TheystaredatMrs.Ogdeninhorror.
“You’renotIsabellaArmitage,”saidone.TheostrichplumeinherturbanswoopedasshesurveyedMrs.Ogden’sbrowncardyandwoolenskirt.
“Imostcertainlyamnot,”Mrs.Ogdenreplied,thennoticedthewreckageoftimberandrooftilesinherfrontgarden.Shelookedupatthegapingholethathadbeenhersparebedroom’swall.“Whathaveyoudonetomyhouse?!”
“Itwasaninnocentmistake,”theplumedladysaid.“Whyonearthwouldacivilianpainttheirdoorred?”
Mrs.Ogden’scardiganbuttonsstrainedagainsttheswellingofherbosom.“Ichosethatcolorforthesakeofmypoordeadhusband!”Mr.Ogdenhadalwaysdespisedred.
“Oh.Er.Well.”Thepiratesshuffledawkwardly,rubbingthebacksoftheirnecksandcastingembarrassedglancesateachother.“Terriblysorry.Awfulshame.Isay,youhaven’thappenedtoseeanotherhousearoundherewithareddoor?Ithaswhiteshutterssameasyourhousehas—er,had.”
“No.”MissOgden’seyeshadbegunnarrowingagain.Sheplacedonefistagainstherhip;theotherstillgrippedtherollingpinwithallthedeterminationofaBoudicca,orQueenElizabeth,orthepersonwho’ddobbedinthemilkmanforfraternizingwithhismarriedcustomers.“Sowhatareyougoingtodoaboutcompensatingme?”
Thepiratesmurmuredamongstthemselves.Theplumedoneturnedbackwithadazzlingsmile.“Wouldthreediamondnecklacessuffice?”
“No,”saidMrs.Ogden.
“Oh.”Furtherconsultationtookplace.“Howaboutthreediamondnecklacesandanemeraldring?”
“No.IknowwhatIwant.”
Shesmiledthen,hercheeksrosyandhereyesbright,lookingforalltheworldlikesomeone’sdearoldgranny.Thepiratesasagroupwentsuddenlypale,rememberingtheirowngranniesandrecognizingjusthowbigamistaketheyhadmade.
Halfanhourlater,thepiratesandtheirwitchguestsdeparted.Mrs.Ogdenstoodcheerfullybesidetheremnantsofherpicketfence,holdingapieceofpapercontainingscrawledLatinpoetry,anddecidingwhichofthehousesalongAnchorRoadshewasgoingtosteal.
Shechuckled.Mr.Ogdenwouldcertainlynothaveapproved.
MissPlim,ontheotherhand,wassilentasshesippedteaandwatchedMrs.RotundernavigatesouthacrossthetowninsearchofArmitageHouse.Shedidnotmentionnuance,orevensmirkonce.ButMrs.Rotunderknew,andthuslearnedthepowerofwitchcraftevenwithoutwords.
Ontheshoreroadbelow,DanielBixbyglancedupastheRotunderhousecastitsshadowoverhim.HehadescapedthebondsMissDearlovehadlefthimin,despitetheirsurprisinglystrongknots,andwasnowleaningagainstawallwithhishandsinhistrouserpockets,watchingseveralwomenpokearoundAlex’shouseonthepier.Atfirsthethoughttheywerepirates,fortheyappearedtohavebeeninvolvedinsomekindofcatastrophichaberdasheryincident,butafterseveralminutespassedwithoutthemdrawinggunsoneachother,herealizedtheywere,infact,witches.Onewomanholdingasmallwhitedogwasapplyingatooltothedoor’slockwithadeterminationthatshouldsoonhaveentertainingresults,consideringtheboobytrapBixbyhadinstalledonlylastweek.
“Fineweatherwe’rehaving,”someonesaid.
Bixbyturnedtoseeabony,pale-hairedmanstandingnexttohim.“Hm,”hereplied,squintingupthroughhisspectaclesatthegraysky,whichpromisedrain.
Themansniffed,andBixbyrestrainedaninstincttopasshimahandkerchief.“I’mlookingforagirl.”
Asmallsilencepassed,inwhichsomeonewithaneasiersenseofhumorwouldhavesaid,Aren’tweall,butBixbysimplyregardedthefellowuntilheblinkedthosestrange,uncomfortableeyes.
“Twenty-one,strawberryblondehair,nameofCharlottePettifer.Iwonderifyou’veseenher?”
“No,”Bixbysaid.
“Areyousure?”
“Yes.”Hewentongazingwithsuchdispassionatestillnessthatthemanactuallytookastepback.
“Well,now.”Themansniffedagain.“Ithinkyoumaybemistaken.”
“Iamnevermistaken,”Bixbyreplied.
Themanscowled.Itshouldhavebeenfrightening,butBixbyhadworkedforyearswithhalf-madpirates,hadevenspenttenminutesinpoliteconversationwithMissDarlington,andamerescowlfromwhatwasclearlyapolicemandidnottroublehim.Heturnedtogo—
Andthemancaughthisarm.
Thequestionofwhosehumerusbonewouldhavebeenbrokenmustremainunanswered,foratthatmomentthewitchsprangthedoor’sboobytrap.
Boom!
Thepiershook.Thewitchfellbackwithasecond,smallerexplosionofsupportiveundergarments.Herwhitepoodlesoaredintotheair,comingdownwithunexpectedforceontheheadofthepale-eyedpoliceman.
Therefollowedathirdandinexplicableexplosionofsawdust.Bixbycougheddisapprovingly.Whenhecouldseeagain,herealizedthedogwasbeyondsaving,andobviouslyhadbeensoforseveralyears.Thewitcheswereinaflutterthatprovedthemallalive.Andsowithashrughesteppedoverthepoliceman’sunconsciousbodyandwentoffinsearchofsomedinner.
20EVERYLADYNEEDSASHESHED—ALEXISENTERTAINED—CHANGEOFTACTICS—ALEXWISHESFORANEXPLOSION—MUTUALDISAGREEMENT—WATER-COLOREDMEMORIES—SILENCE
LadyArmitagewasexcessivelyfondofdungeons.Therewasalwayssomuchdiscomfort,somuchelegiaccharm,aboutthem.Shehadbuiltherselfoneinthecellarofherbattlehouse,whereshemightdrivehusbandsdownatanytime,andcollectafewgruesomememories,andbehappy.Sheadvisedeveryonewhowasgoingtomaraud,plunder,marry,orgenerallycommitpiracy,tobuildadungeon.
Alexhimselfalsohadadungeoninhiscottage,sincethehousehadbelongedtoanotherpiratebeforehim.Hestoredhisbeerandpotatoesthere.
SittingnowonthestainedwoodenfloorofLadyArmitage’soubliette,staringintotheshadows,hethoughthehadneverbeenmorecontent.Hisbackachedasheleanedagainstthewall,hewasliterallyinsoreneedofacushion,andheverymuchwishedhehadnotthoughtaboutbeerandpotatoes,consideringhislastmealwashoursbefore.ButnoneofthissignifiedincomparisontothepleasureofCharlotte’scompany.
Sheappearedtohaveforgottenheexisted,otherthanthetimeswhen,inthecourseofherpacing,shesteppedoverhisoutstretchedlegs.Eachtimeshedidso,herexpressionwascareless,butherbootsgaveaneloquentclackagainstthefloor,andAlexhadtostrugglenottolaugh.Heknewifhedid,shewouldignorehimevenmorevehemently.
Thedungeon’sbolteddoor,hightinywindow,wallshackles,andspikesoccupiedallherattention.Sheworkeduponthemwithaneffortthatwentundeterredbyitscompleteandutterfailure.Atonepointsheevenlevitatedparalleltotheceiling,searchingforapossibletrapdoor.Butincantation,boots,fingernails,outragedwitchglareallprovedinadequate.Alexwatchedhergrowmorepale,morefurious,astimeworeon.Hethoughtshehadneverlookedmorebeautiful.
Butthen,hewasstartingtorealizeshecouldbecoveredineffluentandhe’dstillthinkherbeautiful.Shecouldbedeeplyasleepandyetfascinatehissenses.Infact,morethanoncethisweekhehadaccidentallywokenherbystrokingthesmoothlittlehalf-moonofherthumbnailortastingthepulseatherwrist.Therealwaysfollowedamomentinwhichtheireyesmetundefended,asbareastheirbodiesinthenight-shroudedbed,andhecouldseeinhersthesamelonelinessandlonginghefelthimself.Secondslatertheywouldbehidingthemagainbehindpassion—mouthsburningtogether,legstangling,bodieshavingaconversationtheirheartswerenotbraveenoughtoundertake.ButAlexfoundhimselfscarcelyabletosleepforthesakeofthattinymoment.Helookedforitthroughthedayalso,yearning,frightened,morevulnerablethanhe’dbeeninyears.
Evennow,whilesheappliedherselfyetagaintothedoor’shandleasifshemighthavemissedsomethingallseventeenprevioustimes,hewatchedherincasesheglancedback.Hefollowedeverymovementofherlipsasshemutteredmagic.Heguessedwhatshewoulddonext,andgrinnedwithaboyishthrillwhenshedidso.Hewasfascinatedbyher,spikylittlewitchthatshewas,andbeinglockedinadungeonwithhernowdidnotfeelgrievesomeintheleast
Hehimselfsawnoneedforwastingenergyonescapeattempts.Thiswasnothisfirststintinadungeon,evenifnotcountingthetimehegotdrunkonbeerinhisownandaccidentallylockedhimselfin.HefeltconfidentLadyArmitagewouldeventuallyturnuptogloat,threatentorture,orproposemarriage,andsotheymightaswellwaitascomfortablyastheycould.Charlottedidnotseemtoappreciatethis.HecouldhaveswornheheardhermutterworkethiconceortwiceamongsthermagicalLatin.Itendearedhertohimallthemore.
Atlast,asvisibilitydecreasedwiththefadingofdaylightthroughthewindow,shecametositonthefloorbesidehim.Themannerinwhichshedidso,stiff-backedandprecise,communicatedclearlythatthiswasnosurrendertothesituation,butratherachangetomoresubtle,long-termtactics.ShegaveAlexonesidelongglancethenlookedaway,adamantlydisapprovingofhispiraticinsouciance.
Heshiftedslightlycloser.
Shesniffed,raisingherchinandglaringataspiderwebinonehighcorner.Alexcouldalmostseebroomsinhereyes.
Heputhisarmaroundhershoulders.
Shehuffed—
Andleanedrigidlyagainsthim.
Smilingtohimself,Alexclosedhiseyes,breathinginhernow-familiarscentofgoodplainsoap.Evenafteradayofrunning,leaping,andgenerallyscrapingherselfagainsttheroughedgesoflife,shesmelledlikeheimaginedperfectionwouldsmellifsomeonemanagedtobottleit.Hewashard-pressednottotakeoffhiscoatandlayherdownon
“Everythingwillbeallright,”hepromised.Thesewerethesamewordshe’dusedwhentheywerefirstlockedintotheroom,andsheappearedtolikethemaslittlenowasshedidthen.
“Thatisimpossibletodetermine,”shesaid,hervoicesoundingremarkablysimilartohowherheelshadonthefloor.“WhatifLadyArmitageisevennowdiscoveringhowtousetheamulettoitsfullcapability?Thinkofwhatshemightdestroywhilewesithereresting!”
“Refusingtopurposelesslyexhaustmyselfisnotthesameasresting.Trytopreserveyourenergytoo,darling.You’llneeditwhenArmitagereturnsforus—asshecertainlywillbeforesheattemptsanydestruction.She’sthesortwholikesanaudience.”
Charlottemutteredunderherbreath,andAlextriednottosmile,recognizinginhervexationareluctantagreement.Shesquirmed,apparentlytryingtogetherselfmoreuncomfortable.Hershoulderpressedatadifficultangleagainsthisribcage,buthedarednotstirevenalittletorelievetheannoyance,lestshedecidetomoveentirelyawayfromhim.
“Wheredoyouthinkweare?”sheasked.
Alexlookedaroundtheroom.“Thisiscalleda‘dungeon,’Ibelieve.Youcantellfromthegreatbiglockandthetorturedeviceonthewall.”
Sheclickedhertonguewithexasperation.“Imeant,thehouseitself.”
“StillinClacton,I’dsay.Armitagemighttrytoescapeunderthecoverofdarkness,butthat’srisky,evenforonesoderangedasher.”
“CertainlyshehasqualitieswhichIhadnotbeforesupposedtoexistinsuchadegreeinanyhumancreature.”
Alexopenedhismouthtoreply,thenclosedit,frowningwithpuzzlement.“IfeellikeI’veheardthosewordsbefore.”
“Idoubtit,”shemuttered.“I’veseenthekindsofbooksyouhaveinyourhouse.”
Hedidnotunderstandwhatthathadtodowithanything,buthewasatleastwiseenoughnottoinquire.Instead,hekissedthetopofherhead,thenbenttokissherbrow.Itwasasifeachkisseasedthegreatachingknotthatboundhisheart.Hewouldhavecontinuedon,butshehummedcontentedlyandrelaxedagainsthim,andhesatbackwithasigh.
SlowlyCharlotte’sbreathslowed,herPlimmishstiffnessmeltingintoawarm,quietlassitude.Alexfrownedastheknotshiftedupintohisthroat.She’dsleptinhisarmsoverthepastweek;heoughttobeusedtoit,notfeelinglikeanymomenthemightcry.
Heheldhertighter,fornoreasonexcepttoflauntthemusclesinhisarms.Helaidhisbigstronghandwithitsrubythumb-ringagainstherdaintyone.Thejuxtapositionofrough,tannedskinagainstasmoothnessthathadbeenprotectedbyglovesandcrèmesthrilledhim.
Howodd.He’dspentyearsdevelopinghispotency,stockingitwithweaponsandoutfittingitwithleatherandboots,bashingitagainsttheworldsohecouldstealwhateverwasleftafterward—onlytofeelmorepowerfulinthismomentthaneverbefore,althoughallhedidwasquietlyholdawomaninhergentleness.
Awoman—awitch.
Memorytwistedsuddenlyinthepitofhisstomach.Instinctivelyheclenchedhishandtoreachforaweapon,despitethefacttheyhadbeentakenfromhimbyLadyArmitage’sfootmen.Hemighthavepunchedthewallinstead,butthenCharlottewasspeaking,andthehushedblurofhervoicedistractedhim.
“Youwereright.”
Alexblinked.“Iwaswhat?”
Shetiltedherfaceuptogivehimasleepilyfactitiouslook.“Youheardme,sir.Youmerelywantmetosayitagain.Verywell,sinceyoudodeservetheacknowledgment:youwereright.Theamuletmustbehiddenaway—orbrokenapart—or,Idon’tknow,thrownintothesea.Iconfess,IamnotsureI’dtrustevenmyselfwithit.”
Hewentonblinking,hisvisionswitchingbetweenCharlotte’sbeautiful,luminouseyesandthedarknessinsidehim.“You’dgiveupsuchenormouspower?”
“Yes.”Warinesstightenedherexpression.“Youseemtofindthatunbelievable.”
Hetriedtoanswer,buthispulsehadbegunthuddingwithsuchforce,itbrokehisbreathintosoundlesspieces.Youwereright.Thewordswereturninghimallsoftinside,andhebegantopanic.Softnessmeanthisdefenseswerefailing.Alreadyhecouldhearwhispersrisingfromthedark.Hewantedhissword.Hewantedtobloodywellstopfeelingatall.ButCharlottewastouchinghisfacenow,mutteringsomethingabouthowhecouldtrusther,andabarrageofhope,lust,fear,griefthreatenedtocompletelyoverwhelmhim.Damnedifthewitchwasn’tdoinghousekeepinginhisheart.
Hecouldnotbearit.Sohepickedhisfavoriteofthosefeelingsand,capturingherjawalittletooroughlyinhisfingers,begankissingheroutofhersleepinessintoatumultofemotionrightalongwithhim.Shemurmuredagainsthislipsbutdidnotpullaway,andhetookthataspermission.Hetastedthewarmthofher—feltthecrackofabirchswitchagainsthisback—tiltedherchinsohecouldkissthesilkywhitethroatbeneathit—crawledintoacorner—clenchedafistinherbright,honey-coloredhair—turnedhisfacetothewall,althoughthatwasnosanctuaryfrombirchorbootheelsorthespittingLatinthatfiredbooksacrosstheroomathimuntilhesaidonewordenoughtimesforittocount…
“Sorry,”hewhisperedagainnow,thesoundtremblingagainstCharlotte’spulse.
Sheansweredhim,butherwordsechoedwiththeclatteroftinygoldenbeecharmsasafistslammedagainsthisear.“Sorry,”hesaidagain,followingapathoftinyfrecklesdown,down,towardshadowandsecrets…Hebreathedinforonelastdesperatemomentbeforememorydrewhimunder.
Hecringedastheclosetdoorslammedshutonhim.Thewholeworldturnedtoshadow.Sorry,hecried,andthedarknesscrawledintohislungs,fillingthemwiththesensationofclinging,corruptingdamp.Heimaginedrottingawayinthatdarkness,amongsthisfather’soldcoats.WhenDeirdreunlockedthedoorforhimtwodayslateranddemandedaproperapologyforwhateveritwashe’ddone,hewasunabletoanswer,allhiswordsdecomposed.
“Youdon’tgetoutuntilyousaysorry,”Deirdrewarned,smilinginthewaythatalwaysmadehimthinkofhooksandbones.Sheheldthedoorhalf-open,readytoslamitshutatawhim’snotice.Hervoice,dryandcracklyfromyearsofincantatinginsteadofwalkingacrossaroomtopickupwhatevershewanted,droppedhardlittlepromisesathisfeet.“Saysorryandyoucancomeout.Saysorryandyoucanhavedinner.There’sbacon,Alex.Weallknowhowmuchyoulovebacon.Saysorryandthere’shotchocolate.”
Hetried,butonlymanagedacrippledsound.“S-s-s-”
Deirdrelaughedandstartedtoshutthedooragain.AtleastI’lldieinpeace,hethought.
Buthisfather,furiousanddeterminedtomakeamanofhimsomehow,pulledhimout—draggedhimthroughthekitchenwherehecouldsmellthebaconandthoughtonlywithsurprisethatDeirdrehadbeentellingthetruth—andtossedhimoutofthehousetenfeetaboveLoughCaragh…
Hisbodyflashedcoldasifitwerehittingthewateragain.Hefelthimselfbeingsuckedterrifyinglydeepintotheolddark.Withaninstinctofhopeandlonging,hereacheduptowardlight—andashemoved,theshiftofhislegsagainsthardwoodenplanksbeneathhimbroughttimecrashingbackintoplace.
Floor,notlakebed,hetoldhimself.Walls,window.Now,notthen.
Breathe…
“Breathe,Alex.”Charlotte’svoicecameoutofthedark,tautbutcertain,likealifeline.“Tellmewhat’swrong.”
Hesupposedhersensitivityhadsensedtensionintheair;eitherthatorhe’dbeenscreamingwithoutrealizingit.Which,judgingfrompastexperience,wasalwayspossible.“Nothing’swrong,”hesaid.Hecouldswimforhimself.Healwayshad.Hedidn’tneedanyonenow.
Andthenhefeltawarmthagainsthisheart.Shewastouchinghimagain.
OhGod.
“Alex,”shesaid,uncharacteristicallygentle.“Yourpulseisracing.”
Hegaveheraswaggeringsmile.“It’sbecauseyou’resoclose,sweetheart,andIwantto—”
Hestopped,chokingonthewordsasiftheywerelakewater.Shewassoclose.Shewasrightinsidehissoul,proddingbossilyatallthethingshekepthiddenthere,makinghimforgethowtobesardonic,orseductive,oranyofthemeasuresthathadprotectedhimfromhimselfthesepasttwentyyears.Thiswaswhyhe’dworkedhardtocreateareputationthatwouldattractonlythekindofwomenwhowantedtoringhisdoorbellthenrunawaybeforetheywerecaught.Butofcoursewitchesmadeittheirbusinesstogetin.
“Whatdoyouneed?”Charlottewhispered,stillprodding.
Heansweredherinthesamewayhedrewhisswordwheneversomeonedisturbedhim—immediate,unthinking,withsharpedgesandabrutalwarning.“Forallthebloodywitchesintheworldtohavetheirpowerstrippedaway.”
ButCharlotteonlystrokedthewallacrosshisheart,undaunted.“Allofthem,yousay?”
“Oneofthem,”herelented.“OneLancasterwitchwhofoundherselfinDonegalsometwo-and-twentyyearsagowithafancyforaman,nevermindthathewasalreadytaken,andadeterminationtogetherselfahomeevenifithadtobemadefrombonespastedtogetherwithblood.”
“Thatdoesn’tsoundveryweatherproof.”
Helaughed.GoodGod—shemadehimlaugh,eveninthemidstoftalkingaboutDeirdre.Itwassomekindofmagic.Shewasmagic.
Herhandpressedwithafirmserenityagainsthispulseasifshecouldsettleitjustfromherwillalone.“Thiswitchhurtyou.”
“Aye,well,whodidn’t,darling?Onceonepersonstarts,seemsit’shardforeveryonetostop.”
“Andisshestillalive,residentinDonegal?”
Thecalm,conversationaltoneofhervoicesentathrillalonghisnerves.“Willyouflyonoverthere,Lottie,andwreakvengeanceforme?”
Sheshrugged.“Imay.IfIhavenothingmorepressinginmycalendarnextweek.”
“Myterrifyinggirl.Butfearnot,thewitchdiedfromconsumptionsomeyearsago.Thefather’stotallybanjaxedfromwhiskeyhalfthetime,canhardlystirhimself,letalonehishouse.Andthenuns—”
Hestopped,memoriesextinguishinganyhumorinhim.
Charlottewentbacktostroking,soothing.“I’msosorry.”
Heshrugged.Heshovedahandthroughhishair,glaringatthetorturedeviceonthefarwalleventhoughhecouldseenothingbutdarkness.Whycouldn’tArmitagehaveputtheminit,ratherthanleavingthemtotalkaboutfeelings?Clearlytheferociousoldpirateunderstoodwellhowtobestemployherdungeononaman.
“It’sallgrand,mydarling,”hesaid,asifthatmighthavesomehopeofstoppingtheconversation.
“Don’tbepreposterous!”Charlottesaid.“Itisnotgrand;itisappallingandutterlyintolerablethatanyonecausedyouharm.Well,itshallnothappenagainsolongasIaminyourcompany.LadyArmitagemayhaveconfiscatedmybesom,butIstillhavemyvoice.”
Hegrinned.“You’llkeepmesafe,willyou?”
Hereyesnarrowedinthewayheloved,allfuryandadorabledeadliness.“Areyoulaughingatme,sir?”
Hedidlaughthen,buthealsoraisedahandinassurance.“ByGod,CharlottePettifer,Iwouldnotever.”
“Excellent.BecauseIamserious.AndIamapowerfulwitch,Alex.Iprophesizethatnoonewillhurtyouagain.Notevenyouyourself.”
Hedrewhercloser.“Ah,you’reawfulgoodtome,Lottie.”
“Iamnot,”sheprotested,allstiffnessinhervoicebutgrowingsoftagain,warmandlushliketheaftermathofmagic,inhisarms.“Goodisforcivilians.”
“True,that.”
“Youtoldmeonceyouknewawomanwithabeebracelet.Wasthather?”
“Aye.”
Shereachedforthebraceletonherownwrist,andAlexfrownedashewatchedhertrytotugitpasttheheelofherhand.Thebeecharmsclatteredasifinprotest.“Whatareyoudoing,mydarling?”heasked.
“Iwouldnotwanttowearanythingthatremindedyouofher.”
Sheyankedharder,wincingasmetaldugintoherskin.Alex’sheartleaped.Helaidhishandoverhers.“No,it’sfine.Thankyou.Butyou’resofarfrombeinglikeDeirdreastobeholywateronmymemory.”Liftingherhand,hekissedtheknuckles.
“Oh.”Sheblinkedasifhe’dwhisperedsomespelloverherandnowallshecouldseeweresparklesinthedeepeningdark.Butittookheronlyamomenttosweepthemawayandrestoreherequanimity.“Well,good.I’mgladthatisallsorted.”
Shepattedhim,woman-like,clearlybelievingherjobdone.Hehadbeenruffled—discomposed—andreorganized—inthoroughwitchfashion.
Butevenashebegantorelax,sheprovedtohaveonemoreinterventionuphersleeve.
“Youknow,whenyouraccentcomesthrough,yousoundlikeapoetstandingonawildshore.IrememberwhenIfirstmetyouIthoughtyoumustbestrewingpoetrylikebombsallthroughLondon,makingaruinofwomen’shearts.Isuspectedyouofbeingveryuntidyindeed.”
“Andnow?”heaskedwarily.
Sheshruggedhermouth.“NowIknowexactlyhowuntidyyouare.Itis…”
Heheldhisbreath…
“…compelling.”
Helaughedagain,andmarveledatthewaythedark,endlesssuckoflakewaterinhismindebbedaway.
“Whatdoyouwant,Alex?”sheasked
HeimaginedinsideherbrainatinyCharlottestandinginherknickersandchemise,holdingaclipboardandwaitingtoaddhisresponsetoherchecklistofHowtoManageAlexanderO’Riley.Ananswerrushedatoncefromhiswarmed-upheart,buthedarednotspeakit.Allhisweaponsweregone,butevenifhehadthemhe’dnotfeelsafeenoughtotellherthetruth.You,witch.Iwantyou.
Andhecertainlywouldnotadmittoherhowshe’dinfiltratedhisdefensesfromtheverystart—atleastnotbyusingwordsthatwerehalf-buriedlikelandminesinsideofhim.Love,beautiful,naked.Helovedthedartsinherbeautiful,deadlyshoes.Helovedthewayherhairfelt,slippingoverhisnakedskin.Andhelovedhowherowndefensescameapartlikeawindblownrosewhenhesmiledather,forallshetriedtohideitfromthemboth.He’dspentthepastfewdayssmilingmorethanheeverhadinhislife,justtowatchitseffectonher,thedarkeningofhereyesandthewayherpropernesscrackeduntilshewasmutteringinsultsthatnotonlyranghisdoorbellbuthisfirealarmaswell.Helovedit.
Helovedher.Andnotjustinthemetaphoricalsense.Thethoughtofherleavinghim,returningtoLondonandthewitches’League,hurtlikehell.
Damn.
Hewasmostdefinitelynottellingherthat.
Butitwastrue.Theaggravatinglittlewitchhadcrashedhimwithhermagic,andtherewasnothinghecoulddoaboutit.He’dfoughtsmugglersandtalkedbacktoIrishCatholicnuns,buttherewasnodefeatingthissoft-skinned,sensitivegrenadeofawoman.
“Alex?”sheprompted.
“WhatdoIwant?”heechoedlightly.“Dinner,mydarling.Iwantdinner,andabottleofwine.”
Shesighed.“Youareincorrigible.”
“Atlast,somethingwecanagreeupon.”Hesmiled,andliftedhergentlyontohislapsoshewouldbemorecomfortablethanonthecold,hardfloor.Shenestledclose,layinghercheekagainsthisshoulder.Itfeltlikeawhole-bodykiss.
Iloveyou,hethoughtsilently,tryingnottotremble.
“Fiend,”shemuttered.
“Witch,”hereplied,strokingherhairasherbreathinggrewlighter,lighter,untilatlastsheslept.
Andhesattherestaringintothedarkness,thinking,Damn,damn
21NOTEVENONEBED—CHARLOTTEMAKESADETERMINATION—THEYHAVENOSENSEOFHUMOR—ANUNEXPECTEDROSE—THEYTAKEAWRONGTURN—SABOTAGE—ADEATH-DEFYINGEXIT—KITTY—ANIGHTMAREWITHINANIGHTMARE
Thereisnocharmequaltothetendernessofasoftmattress.Charlottecertainlyfeltthatasshewokeinthemorninglightaftersleepingonthedungeon’sicywoodenfloor.Herbonesachedandherskin,unprotectedbylayersofmuslin,silk,andwool,wasreadytostartapetitionforareturntoconservativeclothing.
ButnoneofthatmatteredassheopenedhereyesandsawAlex’sface.Hewasstillasleep,hisarmcurvedaroundherprotectively,andthusCharlottehadtheluxuryofafewprivatemomentstoindulgeinstaringathim.
Shehadalwaysconsideredhimhandsome,evenfromthestartoftheiracquaintance,whenshesharedthesamefirstimpressionsofhischaracterthatElizabethBennethadofMr.Darcy’s.Butnowshesawcourageinhissanguineattitude,witinhiswaywardsmile,andintheflickeringofhisravishingeyelashesavulnerabilityshewouldfightalwaystoprotect.Hewasafiend,butalsotrulyafriend,andtheirconversationlastnighthadprovedthat.Shewishedshecoulddemandjusticefromanyonewhohadsomuchasscratchedthelittleboyhehadbeen.Certainlyshewouldpunishanyonewhotrieditnow—andwoulddosoevenafterheleftherforhisnextadventure,assheknewwasinevitable.Evenafterhewelcomedthenextwomanintohisbed.Hewasworthitforhisownsake,notjustforhowhemadeherfeel.
Butoh,howhemadeherfeel…
Therewasnodenyingnowthatshereallylikedhim,therogue.
Therewas,however,denyingthatsheactuallylovedhim.Shewasnotquitebraveenoughtoadmitsuchathingyet.
Besides,shehadknownhimonlyaweek.Howcouldshefallinlovewithsomeoneinaweek?
Ah,whisperedherheart,butit’sbeenalifetimeofaloneness,waitingforhim,andnowhereheis.
Nonsense!herbraindeclared,armsfoldedtightlyandchintilted,evenwhileherheartwavedavolumeofJaneAusten’sPersuasionatitinsupportingargument.Besides,Alexalmostcertainlydidnotfeelthesamewayabouther.He’dsaidloveyesterday,butthatwasclearlyajoke.Hewenttobedwithher,butshecouldmarkthatdowntoadesireforentertainment.Andwhileitwastruethatlastnighthe’dheldherwithtenderness,Charlottefeltsurewithalittleeffortshecouldcontriveanexcuseforthisalso.HereducationhadprovidedhernotonlywithsuperiorwitandacompleteunderstandingofEnglishlaw(andhowtobreakit)butalsowhatamountedtoabachelorofartsincynicism.Shecouldexplainawayjustaboutanykindness.NodoubtexistedinhermindthatCaptainO’Rileyplannedtosnatchtheamuletandflyoffwithafarewellkissandajovialcryoftallyho!
Butlookingathimnow,feelinghisquietbreathagainstherfaceandrealizingthatatsomepointinthenighthe’dputhiscoatlikeablanketoverher,sheresolvedforthatplantofail.Hebelongedtoher!
ElizabethBennetwouldnodoubtbeshockedbysuchindelicacy.Butthen,ElizabethBennetreallyshouldhaveboxedMr.Darcy’searhalfwaythroughchapterthree.JustasEmmaWoodhouseshouldhaveshutthedoorinMr.Knightley’scondescendingfaceandFannyshouldhaveslappedsomesenseintoEdmundthengoneofftoLondontogetherselfadecenteducation.Havingnowexperiencedvariousdegreesofcommunionwithaman,CharlottewasoftheopinionthatJaneAusten’sheroineswereninnies.
MaybefromhereonsheoughttoreadMaryWollstonecraftinstead.
Ofonethingshewascertain.Shewouldgetheramuletandherman.Noonewouldbeabletopersuadeherotherwise.
Suddenly,Alex’seyesopened.Hesmiledevenbeforetheywerefocused.Charlotte’spulsebegantodance,andwhenshetriedtoscolditintodecorum,itlaughedatherandskippedhappilyon,singinglove,love.Forgoodness’sake,it’sjustlike,sheremindedherself,tonoavail.Shefeltasofteningwithin,andhastilyfrowned.
“Goodmorning,”shesaidinasombertone.
“Goodmorning,mydarling,”Alexreplied,hisIrishaccentrollinglikemusicoutofsleep’speace.
Charlotteblushedscarlet,powerlesstostopthedisintegrationofherfrownandtheresultantsmile.MaryWollstonecraftwouldhaveturnedoverinhergrave(dependingonwhowasonitatthetime,andwhattheyweredoing).ElizabethBennetandherauthorialsisterssmirkedastheircharacterchoiceswerevindicated.Whowastheninnynow?
Alexdidnotseemtonoticeherresponse.Heclamberedtohisfeet,takinghiscoatfromherandputtingiton.Charlottesatupmoreslowly.
“It’ssimplyrudeforyoutohavesomuchvigoraftersleepingthenightonafloor,”shesaid,rubbingherachingback.
“It’slessvigorthanimpatience,”hesaid,graspingherhandandpullingherup.Shestaggeredagainsthim,andhegaveheraquickone-armedembrace.“Iwantbreakfast.Andmyregularmorningexercise.”Hisgrinmadeherblushflareagain.Theaccentwasgone,takingwithitthevulnerabilityinhiseyes,butapparentlyhisardorremained.
“Youmightfindyourselfthwartedinbothbythefactweareimprisoned,”Charlottesaid.“Andtakeitfromme,thereisnowayout.”
Helaughed.“There’sneveranypointinsaying‘Takeitfromme’toapirate.”
Charlottesteppedback,handsonherhips.“Yousawmeworkinglastnight.YouknowIfoundnomeansofescape.”
“Idoknow,”hesaid,stridingacrosstothedoorandgraspingitshandle.“Butyoudidn’ttry—”
Thedoorswungopen.
“—shouting,”hefinishednumbly.
Theyexchangedashockedstare.ThenAlexlaidafingertohislipsand,drawingthedooropenwider,peeredout.
“Huh.”
Charlottecameupbesidehim.“Whyistherearoselyingonthethreshold?”
“Idon’tknow,”Alexsaid.“PerhapsLadyArmitageisplayingsomekindofgame.”
“Sowhatdowedonow?”
“Weplay.”Takingherhand,heledheroutofthedungeon,closingthedoorbehindhim.“Whichway,magicgirl?”
“Left,”shesaid,indicatingwherepinkrosepetalsmadeatrailalongthenarrowcorridor.
“Likesheeptotheslaughter.Verywell.Tallyho!”
“Really,thatissuchadaftphrase,”Charlottemuttered.“Youwouldneverhearawitchsaysomethingsoridiculous.Wearefartoosensible.”
“No,youarefartooboring,”Alexcorrected.
Charlotterefrainedfromarguing,partlyduetotheneedforstealth,andpartlybecausesheagreedwithhim.Theyfollowedstrewnpetalsupaflightofuncarpetedstairs,aroundacorner,andhalfwaydownanotherstretchofcorridor.Whoeverhadcreatedthetrailmusthaverunoutofpetals,forthiscouldnotbetheactualdestination.Severaldoorsstoodshut;thehousewassilent.
Charlottejudgedfromthefaintlightglimmeringthroughawindowthatdawnhadbrokenonlyrecently.InPettiferHouse,noonestirreduntilatleastnine(exceptthecook,dishwashers,chambermaids,scullerymaids,footmen,andbutler).ItappearedthiswasalsothecaseinLadyArmitage’shousehold.Nowiftheycouldonlylocatetheamuletbeforeanyonewoke,theycouldbeoutoftherewithoutfurthertrouble,andhomebeforetheendoftheday.
Therealizationlurchedinherstomach.ConvincingtheLeaguethatshewasgoingtomarryapiratewouldbethemostdifficultmagicshe’deverattempted.CleaningAlex’shousewouldcomeaclosesecond.Perhapsbesttosimplycrashit“accidentally”andseeknewpremises.ShedidnotneedaPemberleyperse,butthereoughtatleasttobeadecentbathroomandthecertaintyofnoopossumlivinginthekitchen’schimney.
“Whichwaynow?”Alexwhispered,drawingheroutofvisionsofGeorgiancolumnsandmarblefloors.
“Downtheaisle,”shereplied.Helookedatheroddly.“Thecorridor,”sheamended,managingnottoblush.“Downthecorridorandupthosestairs.”
SheassumedLadyArmitagewouldkeepherbedroomonanupperfloorlikeaproper(albeitmadandmurderous)lady.Sotheywentup,wincingateveryslightnoisetheirbootsmadeonthetreads.Thentheywalkedanothercorridoruntiltheymetacloseddoor,withnofurtherpassageavailable.Charlottewasabouttosuggesttheyturnaroundwhenaslightclatteringcamefromwithintheroom.Alexreachedinstinctivelyforhissword,thenmouthedacurseasherememberedithadbeentakenfromhim.Despitethis,heopenedthedoorbeforeCharlottecouldsupplyhimwithoneofadozenexcellentreasonsnottodoso.
LadyArmitage’scockpitlaybeforethem.Eitherthatoraloungeinabrothel,butsincethelattergenerallydidnotincludelarge,spokedwheels,Charlottefeltconfidentinherinitialassessment.(Shemighthavebeensurprisedhadsheactuallyvisitedsuchaplace.)Theroomcontainedseveralpastel-coloredfaintingcouches,statuesofunclothedgentlemenwhoweremorehappilyendowedthanthoseinmuseums,theaforementionedwheel,andlyingonthefloorbeneaththatwheel,MissDearlove.
Thetraitorousmaidsatuphurriedlyastheyentered.Inherhandwasascrewdriver.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Charlottedemanded.
“Whatdoesitlooklike?”MissDearloverepliedinaquiet,eventone.
“Likeyouarecarvingyournameonthewheelshaftinanactofpettyvandalismcommontohouseholdservants.”
MissDearloveandAlexstaredatherincredulously.
“She’ssabotagingthewheel,”Alexsaid.
“I’msabotagingthewheel,”MissDearloveagreed.Shegottoherfeet,foldingthescrewdriverbackintoabesom.“Whyareyouuphere?Ileftyouatrailofrosepetalsleadingtothesittingroom,whereLadyArmitageispreparingtoholdamarriageceremony.”
“Whydidyouhelpus?”Charlotteasked.
MissDearloveregardedhercoolly,andCharlottehadasudden,inexplicabledesiretorunoutandpaytaxes.Shehadneverbeforegivenmuchattentiontotheblandlittlemaid,notevenwhenMissDearlovehadbeenaimingagunather.Sherealizednowthewoman’sinconspicuousnesshadbeenacleverdisguise.
“LadyArmitagewillnodoubtincludetheamuletinherbridalensemble,”MissDearlovereplied.“Isuggestifyouwantit,youhurrydownstairs.”
“Yousabotagedthewheelyesterdaytoo,didn’tyou?”Alexsaid.“Looseneditsconnectionssotheincantationpathwaywasdisruptedandthehousecouldn’tbeproperlysteered?”
MissDearloveignoredthisquestionalso.“VicarDickersleyhasagreedtoperformtheceremony.LadyArmitageofferedhimasubstantialcompensation:hislife.TomEamesisinimminentdanger.Youreallyshouldmakehaste.”
“Justwhoareyou,MissDearlove?”Charlottedemanded.
Thewomansighed.“Youpeoplehavethemostconfusingpriorities.ButwhyamIsurprised?Piratesaremad;witchesarelunatic.Thesepastfewweekshavemademewanttojointhecircusforarest.Irecommendyoutwogetmarried,soastokeeptheinsanitycontainedasmuchaspossible.Nowifyou’llexcuseme,Ihavesomewhereelsetobe.”
Theystaredindumbstruckastonishmentasshetookupaplain,wide-brimmedhatfromatableand,pushingajarawindow,steppedupontothewindowsill.
“You’reawitch!”Charlotterealized—forsomeonewouldexitfromanupper-storywindowonlyiftheypossessedthefacilitytoincantate(orhadgrandiosedelusionsofinvulnerability,whichiswhysomanypirateswereinjureddoingit).
“Iamnot,”MissDearlovesaid,andsteppedout.
Withagasp,Charlotterushedtothewindow,onlytoseeMissDearlovedanglingbeneaththehat,onehandholdingitswhiteribbons,asshesankatagenteelpacetotheground.
ArmitageHousewasparkedbesideaBiblebookstore,wheretheWisteriaSocietywouldneverlookforit.OnceMissDearlovesetfootonthepavement,shefoldedthehatremarkablysmall,tuckeditintoapocket,andmarchedawaydownthestreetwiththesteelymannerofalibrarianwhohasjustseensomeonedog-earabook’spage.
“Whoisshe?”Charlottewonderedaloud.“AndwherecanIgetahatlikethat?”
“Whydoyouneedone?”Alexasked.Heleanedpasthertotakeapearl-handledpenknifefromadesk,tuckingitintohisboot.“Youcanlevitatewithaword.”
“Butitseemstobeoperatingonahithertounknownmagic.”
“Don’tyouhaveenoughmagicyourselftobegoingalongwith?”
“Doyouhaveenoughmoney?”
“Goodpoint.”Hefoundachiselamongstthenavigationalarrayandtuckeditintohisotherboot.“Weshouldprobablygogetthatdamnedamulet.”Withasuddenpleasedsound,hegrabbedalong-barreledpistolthathappenedtobelyingatopsomeunfinishedknitting.Aftercheckingthatitwasloaded,heturnedwithagrintoCharlotte.
“Don’tsayit,”shewarned.
“Tal—”
“Don’t.”
“Tellmethatyouwillcomedownstairswithme,sweetheart.”
Shegavehimadisgustedlookandmarchedfromtheroom,andwithaself-satisfiedsmilehefollowedher,pickingupaletteropenerontheway.
Itisaconventionofadventuresthattheheroeswillarriveinperfecttimetosaveawretchedvictimfromtheirdoom.CharlotteandAlexconsideredthemselvestheheroesinthisinstance—andcertainlyTomEameswasaboutaswretchedasitispossibletobewithoutenteringadarkergenreofnarrative.ThereforeitwastogeneralastonishmentallroundwhentheyburstthroughthedoorwaytoLadyArmitage’scandlelitsittingroomjustasVicarDickersleypronouncedthesewords:
“Manandwife.”
CharlotteandAlexstaggeredtoahalt.LadyArmitage,lookingupfromgazingwithadorationathernewballandchain(andtheyoungmanattachedtoit),smiledcheerfullyandwavedatthem.Dressedinmauve,andwithliliesoverflowinghergrasp,shelookedashappyasanywomanobservedinthemiddleofherfavoritehobby.
Tomhadamorefuriousresponse,butsincehewasgaggeditcameoutasmereannoyance.
“IseeyoufoundKitty,”LadyArmitagesaidthroughhersmile.
“Kitty?”Charlotteasked,bemused.
LadyArmitagetwirledafingeratthegunAlexwasaimingtowardher.
“Younameyourgun?”Atthatmoment,CharlotterealizedMissDearlovehadbeenright:piratesweremad.“Well,handovermyamuletorelseKittywillbeshootingyou.”
“AndTom,”Alexadded.“Er,thatis,Kittywon’tbeshootingTom;whatImeant—”
“Nowseehere!”Thisfromthevicar—LadyArmitageshowingnoconcernatthechoiceofbeingrobbedorshot.“Youcannotinterruptasacredmomentlikethis!”Heliftedahandtogesticulate,andthechainbindinghimtoatablelegrattledobtrusively.Candlessetuponthetabletrembled,andavaseofliliesthreatenedtotopple.Butthevicardidnotnotice.“Havesomerespectfortruelove!”
Alexstaredathiminamazement.Charlotte,however,onlyhadeyesfortheamulet.“Giveittome,madam,”shesaid,stridingforwardandpresentingherhand,palmup,fordelivery.
“Never!”LadyArmitageavowed.
Charlotte’spatience,driventoitslimit,andsmellingcoffeesomewhereintheroom,abruptlysnapped.“Proximare!”sheincantated.Theamuletroseonitschain,strainingtowardher.
“Becareful,”Alexsaid,butitwastoolate.Magicstretchedthroughherbody,pressingagainstbonesandmuscles.Shefeltherfeetriseoffthefloor.Theamuletflewviolentlytoher.
Unfortunately,LadyArmitagecamewithit.
Thetwowomencrashed.Liliesscatteredeverywhere.Candlestoppledfromanearbytable,andthetablewenttoo,cloth,teaservice,andall.Charlottefellbackward,thepirateatopher,andastheysmackedagainstthefloorsheimmediatelyrolledovertoexchangetheirpositions.ButshehadnotfactoredinLadyArmitage’shoopedpetticoat.Onceitstartedrolling,itdidnotstop.Thewomenflippedovereachotherseveraltimesbeforebeinghaltedbyawall.Immediately,Charlottebeganpullingattheamulet,andLadyArmitagebeganpullingatCharlotte’shair,andtheonlythingthatpreventeditfrombeingacatfightwasthatAlexcouldnotseeaclearenoughshottofireKitty.
Behindthem,acandleflamegotaboutitsbusinesswithquietdignity,burningaholethroughthefallentableclothtothecarpetbeneath.Severalnewflamesleapedup,spreadingacrossthefloor.VicarDickersley,whohadcollapsedtohiskneesasthetablefell,beganwhimperingashetriedtoclamberupandaway.Helikedtoconsiderhimselfareligiousman(alwaysabonusinhisjob),butreally,martyrdombyfirewouldbethefinalstrawtoday.
“FreeTom!”CharlotteshoutedtoAlex.Granted,itsoundedmorelikefeeom,sinceLadyArmitagewassmackingahandagainsthermouth,butAlexunderstood.Hequicklyevaluatedthesituationanddecidedshedidnotneedhishelp.HolsteringKitty,hehurriedovertothecaptivegroomandusedLadyArmitage’spenknifetoslicethroughthewristties.Atonce,Tompulledthegagfromhismouthandgaspedadesperatebreath.
“Sheputthekeytoourchainsinherbodice!”
AlexglancedatLadyArmitage.Charlottewassittingatopher,tuggingfuriouslyattheamuletwhileLadyArmitageattemptedtobreakherwrists.Charlotte’shairhadcomefreeofitsbindingsandtumbledeverywhere;LadyArmitage’shadshatteredafallenteacup.AsAlexwatched,thepiratesnatchedaporcelainshardandbeganusingittosawatalongstrandofCharlotte’shair.Hecringed,forevenasamaleherecognizedthebattlewasabouttoexplode.Therewascertainlynoacquiringakeyunderthosecircumstances.
Suddenly,thecandle’sfire,havinggotallitsnotestogether,andwithadeep,excitedbreath,steppedforthontothestage—or,moreprecisely,avelvetsofathatwascoveredinshawlsandcushions.Withanironicallychillingrushofsound,thewholethingwentupinflames.
VicarDickersleyswooned.Tomgraspedthechainattachinghimtoatable,tuggingonitasifthatcouldinanywayhelp.CharlotteandLadyArmitagehadresortedtoslappingeachother’shandswildly.Twofootmenrushedintotheroom—andasAlexpulledthechiselfromhisbootandthrewitatthem,rushedrightbackoutagain.Theyslammedthedoorhardbehindthem.Atallstandingcandelabrashookatthereverberations,thentoppledagainstsomedrapes,whichpromptlycaughtalight.
Alexlookedaroundatthechaosandgrinned.“Now,”hesaidtohimselfwithsatisfaction,“it’sstartingtogetfun.”
22ASSAULTWITHADEADLYTEACUP—LADYARMITAGEWINS—BLOOD,SMOKE,ANDTEARS—TAKINGFLIGHT—TOMHASANAWAKENING—ALEXDOESTHEFORBIDDENTHING—CHARLOTTEISNOHEROINE—THEMOMENTOFCHOICE
Charlotteknewherownhappiness.Shewantednothingbuttheamulet—or,togiveitamorefascinatingname,totaldominanceoverthefateofEngland.Granted,sheintendedtobegoodinthemostoutrageousfashionbydestroyingsaidamulet,butthatdidnotdetractfromthecentralfact:asProphesizedHeirofBerylBlack,thechoicewasherstomake.Itwouldbethepinnacleofherduty.AndifsherepresenteditasamagnificentvictoryovertheWisteriaSociety,itmightjustappeasewitchytempersthatwereboundtoeruptwhentheWickenLeaguediscoveredthatnotonlyhadshebeenincahootswithapiratebutshehopedtogooncahootingwithhiminthefuture.
Absolutely,sheneededthatamulet.
Unfortunately,LadyArmitagedisagreed.
TheywrestledandslappedeachotheruntiltheladypiratemanagedtostabateacupshardintoCharlotte’sarm.Painrushedthroughherlikeacoldwave,smashingeverythinginitsway.
Atfirstshecouldnotunderstandwhathadhappened;shesawtheshardprotrudingfromherarmbutdidnotrecognizeit;sheforgotentirelyaboutamuletsandmaniacpirates.Amomentlater,LadyArmitageyankedtheshardawayandthepainrushedbackout,dragginganylastfragmentsofsensewithit.Charlottecollapsedontothefloor.Hervisionwentwhite,thenred,thenstayedred.Sherealizeddimlythatshewaslookingatflames.
LadyArmitagehauledherselfup,mutteringsomethingaboutannoyinggirlswhodidnotrespecttheirelders.“You’reworsethanCecilia!”sheyelledatCharlotte.“Atleastshedidnotstainmyfavoritedresswithherblood!”
Charlottelaughed.Atlast,shehadbetteredMissBassingthwaite!Shesatupratherdizzily,wincingatthepain.Herwounddidnotseemtooterrible,butshefrowneduponseeingtheastonishingamountofblood.Bixbywasgoingtobemostdispleasedwhenhecametodothelaundry.
Anunhappybutlerposedtheleastofherproblems,however.Thesittingroomwasworryinglyalight.AlexhadsmashedthetablestowhichTomandVicarDickersleyhadbeenchained,andbothpiratesweredraggingthevicartowardthedoor.LadyArmitagepushedpastthem,intentonescape.Charlottetriedtoincantateabrakingphrasetostoptheold
“Alex,”Charlottecalledoutroughly.“She’sgettingaway!”
Alexlookedup.Uponseeingherblood-stainedform,hiseyesblackenedwithemotion.Charlottewouldhavefounditwonderfullyflatteringweretheyinmorepleasantcircumstances.Asitwas,shemightswoon,butnotfromromance.
Alexdroppedhissideofthevicarand,withthreegreatstrides,wasacrosstheroomandcrouchingbeforeher,graspingherarmsurgently.“Areyouallright?Whereareyouhurt?Charlotte?”
Shegrimaced.“I’dbebetterifyouweren’tsqueezingexactlywhereshestabbedme.I’mfine.Letmego;Ineedtochaseher.Shestillhastheamulet!”
Foramomentshethoughthewouldargue.Shewatchedemotionswrestlewithhiscountenanceuntilatlastsomethingdarkandfiercetriumphed.Lookingatit,Charlottedidnotknowwhethertobeawedorfrightened.Hebroughthertoherfeetandstartedpullinghertowardthedoor.
“I’llgoafterArmitage,”hesaid.“Yougetout.TakeTomandthevicartosafety.Promiseme,Lottie.”
Itwasasensibleplan.HehadmorechanceofovercomingLadyArmitagethanshedid.Asawitch,sheapprovedit.
Asawoman,sheclutchedhiscoat,tryingnottocry.“Promisemeyouwillstaysafetoo.”
Hegrinnedwithhisusualflippantwickedness.“Ofcourse.IknowwhatI’mdoing.Thisisaregularday’sworkforme,darling.Nowout!”
Hegaveheralittleshove,andforoncesheobeyedwithoutfurtherdebate.Rushingovertothevicar,shetookuptheshoulderAlexhaddropped,anddisregardingherpain,beganhelpingTomtohaulthemanoutoftheroom.Theeffortwasmadedifficultbytheweightychains,nottomentionthesightofAlexdashingupthestairsinpursuitofLadyArmitage,smokeswirlingbehindhim.Charlotteforcedherselftojustfocusonbreathing.
Afootmanranpast,hisarmsfullofsilverware.Ashebarreleddownthestairstowardthegroundfloor,Charlotterealizedtherewasnohopeofgettingtheunconsciousvicardownthosestairsintime.“We’llhavetogooutthewindow!”sheshoutedtoTomoverthecracklingofthefire.
Theyoungpirateglancedatthewindowthenbackather,hiseyeswide.“It’stoohigh!”
“Notforawitch.”
“Youdon’tmeantousemagic?Butyou’reawoman;we’llbetooheavyforyou.”
Inlieuofansweringthat,Charlottethrewadark,sorcerouswordatthewindow.Glassexplodedoutward,alongwithaportionofthewall.AsTomstaredagog,shegavehimasmileaspoliteasawitch’sbesomwitheverydeviceextruded.
“Outyougo,youngman.”
“Ithinkyoushould—”
Alas,hismanlyopinionwaslosttoposterityashesuddenlyjoltedupfromthefloorand,alongwiththevicar,sweptonoutthewindow.Charlottewaited,countinginhermind,asTom’sscreaminformedherofhowlongthedescenttook.ShegazedupthestairstowhereAlexhadgone.Everythinginheryearnedtofollowhim.Butsmokewasfillingthecorridor,andsheknewshewouldbefoolishtoremaininside.RunningtohelpAlexwouldbelikeTomtellingherhowtodomagic.
Andyet,leavinghimwasagony.
Sheshouldhavepersuadedhimtocomewithher.Nevermindtheamulet—nothingmattered,nothing,ifAlexwasnotsafe.
Butsuchthoughtswereneithersensiblenordutiful,andalthoughElizabethBennetmightsympathizewithher,Charlotteknewmostheroineswouldnot.Theywouldtellhertorunawayandletthemansavetheday.
Andsosheclimbedontothewindowsill,mutteringmagicreluctantly.Smokebillowedaroundher.Heatstrokedherback.Thehousewasshudderingasitbegantorise,andCharlotteclutchedthewindowframelestshefallbeforeshecouldfly.Theworldhadbecomeablur—shewascapableoftearsafterall,itseemed,fortheyfilledhereyes,blindingherwithgriefandterror.
Idolovehim,shethought.
Damn.
Shecouldnotleave,regardlessofgoodsense.Iflovemadeapyreforherthismorning,thensobeit.Turningbackcarefullyonthewindowsill,shepreparedtorunupstairs—tosaveAlex,andherselfalongwithit.
Butmagicwasnotsentimental.Ithadnoheartorheroism.Withawitchycalmthatfeltaltogethercallous,ittossedherouttothewind.
Alexstaggered,collidingwithawall.Thehousewasrising—andatthesametimehecouldhaveswornsomethingwasfalling,dragginghisheartdownwithitLetitbeCharlotte,heprayed.Letherbeleapingtosafety.
Andthenhecontinuedonalongthecorridor,becausehe’dbeenapirateallhislifeandheknewthefateoftheworld(nottomentionthefireconsumingArmitageHouse)wasnotgoingtotakeabreak,drinkacupoftea,readamagazine,whilehemanagedhisemotions.
LadyArmitagehadlockedherselfinthecockpit.Hecouldhearhervoicedeclaimingtheincantationandhewinced,forshesoundedlikeanoperasingerwithlaryngitis.Shewasalsomispronouncingtheincantationinamannerthatwouldbefunnyhadshenotjustsaidaccendoinsteadofaccedo,therebycausingthefiretofurtherinflame.Alexbegantokickthecockpitdoorwithhisbootheel.
“Iamnottakingcallersatthemoment,thankyou!”LadyArmitagecalledout.
“ButIthinkyou’llreallyappreciatewhatIhavetotellyouaboutlifeinsurance!”hecalledback.
Thedoorprovedmoredurablethanheexpected.Smokethickenedtheair.Suddenlythehouserocked,almosttippinghimoff-balance,andLadyArmitage’schantingdevolvedintoamadcackle.Damn.Shewasgoingtocrashthebloodybuilding—amulet,him,andall.
Hekickedmoreurgentlyatthedoor.Itswungopensuddenly,causinghimtostaggerthrough,fallingtohisknees.InhissurprisehedroppedthegunKitty,anditscatteredawayacrossthetiltingfloor.
LadyArmitage,holdingthedoorajar,lookeddownathimwiththekindofsmilethatreallyoughttobeputinastraitjacket.“Youneedn’tkneeltome,sir,”shesaid.“Amerebowwouldsuffice.”
Alexclenchedhisteethsoastopreventareplythatprobablywouldhavedoomedthemboth.Outthecockpitwindowhecouldseethetown’srooftopsbobbinglikeboatsonasmoke-coloredsea.KeepingLadyArmitageasstableaspossiblewashisbestchanceofkeepingthehousestableuntilhecouldtakechargeofitssteering.
Hepushedhimselfupright,inhalingheatedair,gropingforcalminsidehimself.HismakeshiftweaponswouldbeinadequateagainstawilyoldvillainlikeIsabellaArmitage,buthedidstillhaveonepowerfulforceinhisarray.
Hewassmilingevenbeforeheturnedtofacetheoldpirate.
“Madam,”hedrawledcharmingly.
Shepunchedhiminthemouth.
“It’sadisaster!”Tomwailed,clutchingathishair.“Anabsolutedisaster!”
Charlottefrowned.“Pullyourselftogether,boy.I’msureConstantinoplawillforgiveyou.”
TomlaughedwithsuchaviolenthysteriathatCharlotteturnedawayfromtheswaying,smoke-belchinghousetostareathim.“No,no,shemostdefinitelywon’t,”hechattered,clutchingathishair.“Imarriedanotherwoman,threeweeksbeforeourownwedding!”
“Forheaven’ssake.”ItwasallCharlottecoulddotonotslaphim.CeciliaBassingthwaitehadbeenright,astatementsheneverthoughtshewouldmake,butitwasirrefutablytrue—mencouldnotberelieduponforrationalbehavior.“Iamcertainthemarriagewasnotevenlegal.Didyousay‘Ido’?”
“Yes!”hewailed.
“Oh.”Charlottebitherlip.“Well.YoushallsimplyhavetonottellConstantinopla.”
Tomgapedather.“Nottell?”
“That’sright.Keepitasecret.NooneisgoingtobelieveLadyArmitage,andI’msurethevicarcanbeconvinceditwasadelusioncausedbytoomuchsmokeinhalation.”
Theylookeddownatthemanwholaysprawledunconsciousonthefootpath.
“Won’tIgetintrouble?”Tomaskedanxiously.
Charlotteshrugged.“Iwouldcountitasthemerestofsins,underthecircumstances.”
“Ididn’tmeanwithGod.Imeantwith”—hisvoicelowered—“Oply.”
“Notifsheneverfindsout.”
Hedrewinabreathtoargue—thencomprehensionbegantodawn.Charlottewatchedashisexpressionofdazedmiseryslippedintoanewwonderment.ShewouldhavefearedwhatthisportendedforConstantinoplabutatthatmomentherattentionwasdivertedbyasuddengaspfromthecrowdofresidentswhohadgatheredintheirdressinggownsandslipperstowatchthedramaticscene.Sheturnedbacktowardthehousejustassomethingexplodedinitssittingroom.Flamesburstfromawindow.Charlotte’sheartfeltasifatanymomentitwouldbursttoo.
“No,”shesaid.“Thisisnotacceptable.”
Shewasnoheroine,bravelyfacingwhateverlifesentherway.Shewasawitch,capableofinvertingthelawsofphysicstogetthingsdone.
Shebeganstridingalongtheroad,half-undressedandsplashedwithblood,herdeadlybootsclickingagainsttheroadlikeatskingtongue,hereyesasfieryasthehoveringbattlehouseoverhead.Allherlifeshehadtriedtorestrainherself,tobelikeawomaninapaperworld:aPlimwithateacupandimpeccableposture;anice,properlady.Butnowshefeltonlyabone-deeprelieftobeCharlottePettifer,wickedwitch.Shedidnotevencarethat,asshewalked,peoplescamperedawayfromher,recognizingpowerwhentheysawit.
Lifehadbecomemessy,andCharlottewasgoingtocleanit.
Alexwaitedtodropdead.Hewassureitwouldhappen,forstrikingawomanwasacrimepunishablebyimmediatedivineretribution.Neverinhislifehadheevencontemplateddoingsuchathing.HemayhavesparredwithCharlotte,butthatwasalmostlikedancing,andhecertainlyintendedhernoharm.ButwhenLadyArmitagepunchedhim,instinctrespondedfasterthanthought,andhesmackedafistintohermidriffsohard,theoldwomanstumbledbackward.
Theblowactuallyhurthimmorethanithurther,asshewaswearingasteel-bonedcorset.ButAlexwaitedonathunderboltfromtheheavens…forabouttwoseconds,beforereceivingLadyArmitage’sless-than-holyfingernailsclawingathisfaceinstead.Grabbingherwristsinself-defense,hetriedtorestrainthewomanwithoutactuallyharmingher,whereuponshekickedhisshinandthenkneedhiminthegroin.
Orrather,shewouldhavekneedhiminthegroinhadnothercrinolinepetticoatpreventedherkneecomingwithintwentyinchesofitsgoal.Instead,Alexfoundhimselfgentlybumped.ThismiscalculationsetLadyArmitageoff-balance,andhetooktheopportunitytofirmly(butcarefully)pushherbackagainstawall.
“Why,sir,”shesaid,battinghereyelashes.Theonesontherighteyefelloff,leavingjustafewwhitewisps.“Youonlyhadtoask.”
Disgusted,Alexyankedtheamuletfromherneckandturnedaway,chantingthepilotstanzaashestrodetowardthewheel.Thehousebegantotremblelikeabashfulgirlatthesoundofhisvoice.
“Thief!”LadyArmitagecried,throwingherselfuponhisback.Herbonyarmsaroundhisnecktriedtothrottlehim,butAlexwasundisturbed.Hecontinuedontowardthewheel,incantatingloudlyoverthegrowingrumbleofthefiredownstairs.LadyArmitagegropedathismouth,attemptingtogaghim,andhetasteddustandoldperfumebeforemanagingtopullherhandaway.
Thewheelwasattachedtoaplinthinfrontofagrandfloor-to-ceilingwindow.Alexhadjustreachedit,hisfingerstouchingthewoodandhisbodytinglingwithancientmagic,whenLadyArmitageshriekedinhisear.Ashewincedawayfromthenoise,shethrustoutaleg,hookingitaroundoneofthewheelspokes.Thewheeljerked,andthemagicstumbledwildlyinAlex’sthroat.
“Stopit!”heyelled.“You’llcrashyourgoddamnhouse!”
“I’llcrashyou,”shereplied,andhookedherotherlegaroundthewheel.Thehousetippedbackandforthlikeachild’stoy.Alexhadnochoicebuttorelinquishhisplan.Ifthemadoldpiratewantedtogodownwithherbattlehouse,hehadlittleinterestindebatingthematterwithher.Hehadagreen-eyedwitchtogetbackto,andsoonthereafterNedLightbourne,toseekadviceonhowtowooCharlotteinthebest,mostromanticwaypossible.Shemaynotlikehimnow,butpiratesalwaysgotwhattheywanted.He’dstealforher,recitesonnetsforher,untilshesurrendered.
ForcingLadyArmitageoffwithsomedifficulty,hepushedtheoldpirateontooneofherfaintingcouchesandturnedtoleave.
“Thankyou!”shecalledout,laughing.
Turningback,Alexsawhersplayedonthecouch,redshoesproppedup,amuletdanglingfromherfingers.Hecursedaloud.Somehowshehadsnatchedtheblastedthingfromhishandwithouthimrealizing.Whilepartofhimcouldnothelpbutfeelacertainprofessionaladmirationforherskill,anotherpartwantedtostrangleherwiththegoddamngoldchain.
“Give.That.Back,”hedemandedthroughaclenchedjaw.
Sherosefromthecouch,lettingtheamuletsway.“Comeandgetit,boy.”
Alexstrodetowardher,butshemovedunexpectedly,dartingaside,andpulledaleveronthewheel’splinth.Thegreatcockpitwindowfoldedopen.
ArmitageHouselurchedasitsmagicdestabilizedevenfurther.Alexstaggered,reachingforthenearestobjecttosteadyhimself—anakedmarblegentleman.Itrockedbeneathhishands,thusprovingCharlotte,Cecilia,MissPlim,andprobablymostwomenofEnglandcorrectastotheunreliabilityofmen.Alexwasimmediatelypushedintoatrippinggaittowardtheopenwindow.
Hegraspedatthewindowframe.Hishandscaughtitfirmly,andhealmostbreathedinrelief.
Buttherestofhisbodykeptmoving,followingthetiltofthehouse,tippinghimoutfiftyfeetaboveClacton.
CharlottewasstillsomedistanceawaywhenAlextumbledthroughthewindow.Foramomentherbodyseemedtofractureinternallyfromtheforceofherhorror.Butthenshesawhehadholdofthewindowframe,andshepulledherselftogetherinruthlessPlimfashion.Thiswasnotimetobeemotional.
Aroundher,thebystandersweregasping,pointing,andpassingabagofbiscuitsamongstthemselves.CharlotteknewshecouldnotlevitatetoAlex’srescueinfrontofsomanywitnesses,butasubtleuseoftheincantationmightstillbepossible.Don’tletgo,sheurgedhimsilently.Aloud,shebegantowhisperinLatin.
Shecouldseeatherperipheryamanpushinghiswaythroughthecrowd,butsheignoredhim.Onlyonemanconcernedhernow,onlyonefear.Asaconsequence,thefellowwasuponherbeforesherealized,grabbingherarm.
“Whatareyoudoing,sir?”shedemanded,glaringathispaleeyesandbonyface.“Unhandmeatonce!”
Hedidnotoblige.Indeed,hisgripbecamefirmer.Hehadabandageonhisforeheadandanexpressionofrevulsiononhisthin,pallidface;lookingathim,Charlottefeltsheoughttoknowhim,asifhispresencehaddwelledinherlifesinceshewasborn,justawaitingthishourtobecomemanifest.“CharlottePettifer,”hesaid,sniffingmoistly.“Youareunderarrestforwitchcraft.”
Horrorshockedheragain.Andyetalsoastrange,wearyrelief.Iknewitwouldhappenoneday,hermindsaid,evenwhileherheartbeganflappingitselfinpanic.Atleastthedreadisover.Butalthoughhervisionwashedwithlightandshedidnotknowwhenthenextbreathmightcome,shestraightenedtothefullextentofPlimmishrighteousnessandgavehimacool,contemptuouslook.
“Don’tberidiculous,mygoodman.Witchesdonotexist.”
“Areyouquitesureaboutthat?”heasked,asmirkslitheringacrosshislips.Andthen,withslowdeliberation,helookedup.
Followinghisgazewithherown,Charlottechokedonacry.LadyArmitagewasstandingattheopenwindow,bashingAlex’shandswithatelescope.Onelostitsgrip,causinghimtoswingperilously,andthecrowdgaspedwithexcitement.Anymomentnow,hewasgoingtoplungetohisdeath.
OhGod.
Thisisnotimeforemotion!herbrainremindedhersternly.
Arrrgh!herbodyreplied.
Themanleanedforward,snufflingatherhair.“Yousmellofsmoke,”hesaid,andlickedthewordsfromhislips.“Howappropriate.”
Hisfingersaroundherarmwereassharpassticksonabonfire.Hisvoicewasflames.Charlottewantedtoscreamnowassheknewshewouldscreamwhentheysetatorchtothepyre.Whatshouldshedo?Shecouldnotthink—sheknewonlythatshestoodinsmokeonaseasideroad,inescapablycaughtbetweenlifeandlove,andnothinginanynovelhadpreparedherforamomentlikethis.
“Iamnotawitch,”shesaidoutofold,witchyinstinct.
Themanhissedalaugh.“Let’ssee,shallwe?Igiveitlessthanaminutebeforethepiratedropsfifty,sixtyfeetontothisextremelyhardroad.Thenweshallfindout,MissPettifer,justexactlywhoyouare.”
“Iam—”Charlottebegan,butherwordsturnedtofireandherhearttoash.
Alexfell.
23CHARLOTTEMAKESHERCHOICE—ASENSELESSQUOTE—AVOICERIPPLESTHROUGHTHESMOKE—WOMAN’SLIBERATION—ANINVITATION—THECAVALRYARRIVES—THEBUTLERDOESIT—MISSPLIMEXPLODES—ADISASTEROFTITANICPROPORTIONS
Descendeolente!”Charlotteshouted.
Themangraspingherarmlaughedwithvicioustriumph.Butshedidnothearhim.“Descendeolente,proximare,”shecontinued,hervoiceringingclearandloudabovethecracklingfireandmurmuringcrowd.Sheraisedherfreehandasiftodrawenergyfromthesunlighttointensifyhermagic.Thewordsflared.Herhairbegantostiraroundherastheairshimmeredandswayed.
AndAlexfloatedthroughthesmoketolandgentlyontheroad.
Immediatelyhetippedtohisknees,coughing.ButCharlottecouldseethroughthecrowdswarmingtowardhimthathewassafe—provided,ofcourse,ArmitageHouseoritsburningtimbersdidnotcrashdownuponhim,northeexcitedcrowdtramplehim.Shefeltapainshecouldnotatfirstcomprehend,untilrealizingitwasherunconditionedfacialmusclesstrivingtomanagethevastsmiledemandedofthem.
“ThankyouforgivingmealltheevidenceIneed,”thepale-hairedpolicemansaid,hiswordslickingclosetoherface.Butagain,shedidnothearhim,forthecrowdwascheering.AgroupofAmericantouristsexplainedtoeveryonenearbythatthesewerecircusperformers,andimmediatelyachantbegan,accompaniedbytherhythmicclappingofhands,requestinganencoreperformance.
ThepolicemanslappedhandcuffsontoCharlotte’swrists.“Theonlyperformanceyouwillbegiving,witch,isyourfuneralspeechonthebonfire.”
Charlottejoltedasfearoncemoreslammedthroughherbody.“Letgoofme,”shedemanded,tuggingagainsttheman’sgrip,buthehadremarkablestrengthforsuchadesiccatedfellowandclearlynointentionofallowingherescape.Hecontinuedalongthestreet,draggingherwithhim.Charlottesawaheadahorse-drawnpolicewagon,twouniformedofficersstandingatitsopendoor.Herheartskitteredinpanic.Herthoughtsflailedasiftheytoohadbeencuffed.Thereseemednoescape.Evenifsheusedherweaponizedanklebootsagainsttheman,hiscolleagueswouldbeuponherinstantly.
Strivingtorecollectanyelementoftheincantationthatwouldsaveher,shecouldsummonnothingmorethanthecomplaintofMarianneDashwood:“HadItalkedonlyoftheweather…thisreproachwouldhavebeenspared.”Which,whiletrue,wasaboutashelpfulasonemightexpectquotinganovelduringone’sarrestwouldbe.Theironyofbeingarrestedforwitchcraftyetunabletocommandevenonewordofwitcherywouldhavemadeherlaugh,wereshenotterrified.
Lookingdesperatelyoverhershoulder,shesawnothingbutbystandersdancingandhuggingeachotherasafieryArmitageHousestruggledhigherovertherooftops.(Nothingquiteliketheimminentdemiseofapiratetoencouragecommunityspirit.)Alexwasoutofhersight—whichmeantthatshewasoutofhis.He’dbeunawareofherperil,andthereforeunlikelytoprovidearescueinthenickoftime.Shewasgoingtodisappearintothatpolicevanandoutoftheworld.
Shetriedtotakeabreathdeepenoughthatshemightshoutforhim,butevenhadshemanagedit,thecrowdbeganroaringasanotherpiratebattlehouseappearedonthehorizontodoubletheirentertainment.Hewouldneverhearheroverthatnoise.Charlottehadnohope,justasMissPlimalwayswarned.Thathadbeenadailylesson,betweenembroideryandhowtorunablindheist.Getcaughtdoingmagicandyou’realone.Noonewillcometosaveyou.Noonewillevenrememberyourname.
Butasthetight-lippedspecterofruthlessPlimmishnessthathadhauntedgenerationsofwitchesthreatenedtobreakherwithitssharplytappingfinger,abolderfigureappearedthroughthesmoke.Trousers—upraisedsword—magnificentfeatheredhat;Charlottegaspedasittookshape.
“Getawayfromher,yousonofabitch!”
Thepolicemanbarelyhadtimetosniffcontemptuouslybeforethepiratespundramaticallyonagorgeouspinkbootheelandkickedhiminthegut.Ashepitchedforward,acryofpainburstingfromhim,thepiratethenappliedherkneetohisforeheadwithanefficiencyLadyArmitagewouldhavekilledfor.(Literally.)Themanwentdownlikeasackofwethandkerchiefs.Hisfellowofficersrushedover,truncheonswaving.
Charlotteandthepirateexchangedabrief,amusedglance.Charlottesawthenthatshehadbeenrescuedbyayoungwoman,suntanned,swaggering,andherheartswaggeredinresponse.Fearfellaway—or,rather,waskickedawaybythespikedbootsofherWickenpride.Nowitchwasgoingtolookscaredinfrontofapirategirl!Sheturnedtowardthepolicemenandbeganincantating.Thepirateliftedhersword.
Andthepolicemen,takingprofessionalstockofthesituation,ranawayasfastastheycould.
“Subsistoetconcido!”Charlotteshoutedafterthem.Theyfelltotheground,andwhetherduetounconsciousnessorgoodsense,stayeddown.Thepirate,appearingdisappointedatthisefficientendtothetrouble,brandishedhersworduselesslyforamoment,thenshruggedandgaveacomplexwhistle.Hearingit,thepolicehorsestrottedoff,takingthewagonwiththem.
“Thankyou,”Charlottesaid,attemptingtoofferthepirateahandshakebeforerecollectingtheironcuffs.
Thepirategrinned.“You’rewelcome.Iowedyou.”
“Youdid?”Charlottefrownedamomentbeforefinallyrecognizingher.“Uponmyword!YouareConstantinoplaBrown.”
“Atyourservice,”thegirlsaid,bowingextravagantly.“Well,youknow,notactuallyatyourservice,sincepiratesservenoone,notevenHerMajestytheQueen(apersonalfriendofmine),andIregrettoinformyouthatI’vealreadyrobbedyouofyourearrings,butnevertheless,colloquiallyspeaking,atyourserviceandpleasedtomeetyou.”
WhileCharlottewasblinkinginanefforttoprocessthisspeech,Constantinoplareacheddownandacquiredasetofkeysfromtheunconsciouspoliceman.ShesortedthroughthemwithpracticedeaseandusedonetoreleaseCharlotte’shandcuffs.“IameversogratefulthatyourescuedmyTomfromtheclutchesofLadyArmitage,”shesaidassheworked.“Hemighthavebeenwedtotheoldhaghadyounotintervened.”
“Ohyes,”Charlottesaid.“Itwasacloseshave.ButwearrivedinthenickoftimeandTomabsolutely,definitively,didnotmarryanyone,leastofallLadyArmitage,ofthatyoucanbesure.”
Constantinopla’sfacelitwithasmile.“SoitseemsIoweyouagain,MissPettifer.Isay,willyoucometomywedding?Iknowweshouldn’tassociate,butI’dbehonoredbyyourattendance,sinceyouareresponsibleforithappeningatall.”
Charlottehesitated.“I’mnotsurethatwouldbewise.”
“Oh.”
“AndthereforeIamhappytoaccepttheinvitation.”
Constantinoplagrinnedsowidely,Charlottefearedshewouldcracksomething.Thenshepocketedthehandcuffs,andwhenCharlottenoticed,sheblushed.“IthoughtImighttakethemonmyhoneymoon.”
AndnowCharlotteblushed.
“Afterall,”Constantinoplacontinued,gazingadoringlyatTom,whowasnowhobblingtowardher,“oneneverknowswhenonemightwanttodoalittleindependentlooting,andthesehandcuffswillpreventmyhusband’sintervention.Evenamarriedwomanshouldmaintainherself-sustenance,youknow.”
“Howmodernofyou,”Charlottemurmured.Thisidea(albeitinamoremetaphoricalsensethatshallnotberelatedhere)interestedhersogreatly,sheleftConstantinoplawithanodandsmile,andapproachedtheothertwopolicemeninthehopeoffindinghandcuffsontheirpersons.Besides,theyoungpirateswerejoyfullyexpressingtheirpleasureatbeingreunited,andshecouldnothelpbutdisapprove.Laughingandembracinginfullviewofseveraldozenpeoplewasappallingbehavior,evenforpirates,andshehadagoodmindtoturnbackandscoldthem.
“Lottie!”
Alexemergedfromthecrowd,hisfacesoot-coveredbuthiseyessuchaclearblueCharlottefeltshecouldhaveflownawayinthem.Forgettingthepolicemen,sherantohim,engulfinghiminanembraceevenbeforehestoppedwalking.Helaughed,andshewrappedherlegsaroundhiships,overcomewithsuchjoyshefelttheaircracklewithit.Alex’sarmsencircledherinreturn,providingastrengthsheknewshecouldtrust.
Hewasherbigscarypirate,andshewassafewithhim.
“Areyouallright?”sheasked,touchinghisface,brushingbackhishair.
“I’mgrand,mydarling,”hesaid,grinningasifhe’djustcomefromthepubratherthantopplingsomeconsiderabledistanceoutofaburninghouse.“Areyou?”
“Iamnow.”
“Thanksforrescuingme.”
Sheopenedhermouthtosayitwasnothing.Riskingherownlife,exposingwitchcraft,betrayingtheLeague—nothing.Butthatwasnottrue,andshefoundherselfsayinginstead,“Youareeverything.”
Heatbloomedbetweenthem,andtheaircrackledlouder.Theworldseemedtodriftawaylikesmokefromahousefire.Alexblinked,hiseyesgrowingheavy.Charlottesmiled.Theydrewtogetherinasoft,gentlekiss.
Itfeltliketheyhadneverkissedbefore,nevertouched.Atendernewpromiseblossomedbetweenthem,andCharlotteknewshewouldgladlybattletheLeague,orevenabandonitaltogether,tokeepthepirateinherlife.Shesighedagainsthiswickedmouth.
Amomentlater,sherealizedthecracklingsoundwasinfactfromtheflamesthatcontinuedtoravageArmitageHouseabovethecrowdedstreet,andthewarmthshefeltmayhavebeenromanticallymetaphorical,butitwasalsoliteralduetotheburningshardsoffloorboardsandfurniturerainingdown.SlippingfromAlex’sarms,shestaredupattheaerialdrama.AtallandeleganttownhousehadbeguntocircleArmitageHousewithasomber,rathersuperciliousdignitythatremindedCharlotteeerilyofheraunt.Itsgablewindowcycledopentorevealalargecannon.
“Isitgoingtoshootheroutofthesky?”sheaskedwithastonishment.“Peopleonthegroundwillbehurt!”
“That’sDarlingtonHouse,”Alexsaid.“MissDarlingtonandLadyArmitagehavebeenrivalsforlongerthanI’vebeenalive.Iexpecttosee—”
Suddenlythecannonfired.WatersprayedfromitontotheArmitageHouseflames,creatingenormousbillowsofsmoke.Thecrowdcheered,andCharlottecockedaneyebrowatAlex.
“Yes,”hesaid,noddingauthoritatively,“that’sexactlywhatIwasabouttosay.”
Charlottehadnochancetoscoff,forthebattlehousesbeganmovingtowardtheshoreasArmitageHousetriedtoevadeDarlingtonHouse’srescueefforts.Thecrowdhastenedtofollow,andCharlotteandAlexwentwiththemautomatically.
“Iwasn’tabletogettheamulet,”Alexsaidastheyhurriedalong.
“Good,”Charlottesaid.
“Excuseme?”Hiseyebrowsdidnotseemtoknowwhethertoliftorhuddleinconfusedsurprise.
Sheshruggedwithanaudaciousnonchalanceshehadlearnedfromhim.“Nowwewillsimplybeforcedtocontinuetogetherinourpursuitofit.”
Alexgrinned,andCharlottefeltashimmerbeneathherheartthatsheknewwasreflectedinthelong,hungrygazeshegavehim.Hisfootstepsslowed,andhereachedouttotouchherface—
“Ohhell,”hesaid,hisexpressionturninggrim.
“What’swrong?”Charlottelookedaroundforthetroublehehadnoticed,andherownexpressionleapedovergrimandlandedstraightinappalled.
MissPlimmarchedalongthestreet,aimeddirectlytowardherlikeapoisonedarrow.
“Ohhell,”Charlotteagreed.
ItwasasifAuntJudithhadnotstoppedpursuingthemsincebeingbrieflystalledintheballroomyesterdayafternoon.Shestrodemethodically,withoutwearinessormercy.Hertopknotofhairhadbeenknockedaslant,butherelbowswerestillinworkingorder,jabbingleftandrightatthepeoplerushingpast.AndherfacewassostormyshecouldhaveputouttheArmitageHousefirejustbyglaringatit.
“Hell,”Charlotterepeated,thewordflutteringmadlyinherthroat.
“Pardonme.”
TheyturnedtoseeBixbystandinginscrutablebesidethem.Inonehandhepresentedasilvertrayholdingtwopistols.
“Howdoyoualwaysmanagetofindme?”AlexaskedashetookoneofthepistolsandpassedittoCharlotte.
“Onedoestrytoperformone’sjobadequately,”Bixbyreplied.
“Ormaybeyou’retryingtocatchmeoffguard,soI’llscreaminfrightandyoucanscoldmeforbeingnoisy.”
“Certainlynot,sir,”Bixbysaidinatonesodeadpanitsoundedlikeithadbeenbashedtodeathbylaughter.
Alexgavehimadarklook.“I’mtemptedtomakeyouwalktheplank,”hesaid,takingtheothergunandcheckingitsbulletchamber.“Butyou’dnodoubtcritiquethewoodandrefusetowalkuntilI’dhammeredalltheboltsinproperly.Isthehousesafe?”
“Onemoment,sir,”thebutlerreplied.Heliftedhistraywithoutlookingandwhackeditagainsttheheadofayoungmanwhohadbeenattemptingtopickhispocket.Theboycrumpledtotheground.
Alexglanceddown.“Isn’tthatDominicEtterly?”
“Jonah,theyoungerson,”Bixbycorrectedhim.
“Goodheavens,JoeEtterly,oldenoughforpiracy.Ifeelancient.Domeafavor,Bixby,andstealthatfobwatchhehasattachedtohiswaistcoat.”
“Yes,sir.Also,thehouseisquitesafe,althoughwewillneedtorepaintthefrontdoor.AndifImaybesoboldastomention:irascibleauntattwoo’clock.”
Alexturned,raisinghisgunautomatically.
Charlottestaredathiminhorror.“Surelyyoudon’tintendtoshootmyaunt?”shedemanded.
“I—”
“Becausethatismyprivilege.”Shetriedtocockherowngun,thenfrownedandtriedagain.Alexwincedand,takingtheweapon,releasedthesafetyandcockedthehammerforherbeforehandingitback.
CharlottemighthavegoneontoshootMissPlim,orshemightnothave;beforethedecisioncouldbemade,theauntherselfarrived.Atthispoint,shootingherwouldbeadecidedlyintimatematter—andmakeanawfulmess.Charlottefoundherselfhidingthegunbehindherbacklikeanaughtychildcaughtwithforbiddencake.
“CharlottePettifer,”MissPlimdeclaimed,crossingherarmsandmanagingtolookdownhernoseatCharlottedespitethelatterbeinghalfaheadtaller.“Iamappalledtofindyouinsuchastate—standingonthestreetinyourunmentionables,coveredinbloodandsoot,andworstofall,withyourhairunbound!Youhavebeenbehavingshamefully,notonlydraggingthegoodnameofyourfamilythroughthemud,butalsothewickednameofwitcheseverywhere.Pirateshavebeguntoconsiderusapproachable!Ihavereceivedtwoinvitationstoteathismorningalone!Suchanintolerablestateofaffairsmustceaseatonce.Irequireyoutoreturnhomeandmakeapublicdenouncementofthis—this—”SheflappedahandtowardAlexasifnaminghimwoulddefilehertongue.
Charlotteshookbackherhairinagestureofdefiancenotquiteaspowerfulasaimingagunatheraunt’sface,butgoodenoughthatitmadeMissPlimscowlfuriously.“Themantowhomyouarereferring,AuntJudith,ismyfriend.”
MissPlimspatoutalaugh.“Friend?Whatnonsense!Iwouldsayyou’vebeenafflictedwithpiraticfoolishness,CharlotteJudithPettifer,butsadlytherehasalwaysbeenadeepflawinyou,apropensitytodelinquency,nomatterhowhardIhavetriedtoimproveyou.ItmakesmesickwhenI—”
Shestopped,hermouthwrinklingupintoaknot.
“You’llnotice,”AlexsaidlanguidlytoCharlotte,althoughnotmovinghisattentionfromthegunhehadpressedagainstMissPlim’stemple,“Ihavethesafetyoff,sowillbefreetoshootwhenIdothis.”
Hecockedthegun.
MissPlimflinched.
“I’mafraidIdidnotgetthememorandumaboutbeingfriendlytowitches,”hesaid.“Hell,I’mnotevenfriendlytotheoneIintendtomarry.SoI’mtellingyourightnow,madam:onemorenastywordtoLottieandI’llensureyouneverspeakagain.”
Hisexpressionwassocold,soruthless,evenCharlotteshuddered.MissPlimhuffedinoutrage,hernostrilsflaring,butnoactualwordsemittedfromherpursedmouth.Charlottecouldnotbelieveit.
“Sir,”Bixbymurmured.
“Yes,Iknow,”Alexsaidtestily.“Don’tberudetoalady.”
“Actually,sir,IdetectnoladyotherthanMissPettifer.Iwastryingtoexplainthatthehousesareadvancingbeyondourview.”
Alexpulledhisgunback,releasingthehammer.“Isuggestyouleavequietly,”hetoldMissPlim.“BeforeIchangemymind.”
Shethrewhimalooksoviciousitwouldhavescythedthroughtheconfidenceofmostpeople.Alexjustlaughed.“Youdon’tscareme.Iwaseducatedbynuns.TheywouldsortoutawomanlikeyouinthespaceofoneHailMaryandhalfaPaternoster,thenhaveyouspendtherestofyourdaysdoinglaundry.Go.Now.Fast.”
ToCharlotte’sutteramazement,MissPlimactuallyobeyed.“I’llseeyouathome,”shesaidwithafinalscathingglancetoCharlotte,thenturnedsobrisklyononeheelthatCharlottehalfexpectedhertospinrightaround.Shovingherwaythroughthecrowd,shevanished.
Charlottestaredafterher,stunned.NeverbeforehadanyonechastisedMissPliminsuchamanner.CertainlyneverbeforehadanyonedefendedCharlottefromherharanguing,asifCharlottemightbevulnerable,soft,withaheartthatdeservedprotecting.
HastilysheaffectedanarchamusementbeforeAlexcouldrealizehowtouchedshefelt.“Goodnessme,itwasworthjumpingoutofaburninghouse,gettingarrested,andbetrayingmyentireheritage,justtoseethatmomenthappen.ButmayIraiseonesmallquestion,Captain?”
“No,”hesaid.Andthewayhelookedather,sosteadily,sodeeply,madeherrealizehesawrightthroughheraffectation.Sheswallowedheavily—andyet,shewasnotscaredofhim.
“No?”sheechoed,herheartswaying
“NotuntilI’mreadytosayitagaininapropermanner.”
Theswayingbecameawaltz.“Oh,Isee.Witharing?”
“Anddownononeknee.Yes.”
“Yes,”shesaidbreathlessly.
HissolemnitybrokeintoasmileunlikeanyCharlottehadseenfromhimbefore.Itsbeautyandwarmsincerityshoneonherheart,whichgaspedandhuggeditself.
“I’mgladyoufinallyagreewithmeaboutsomething,”Alexsaid,cuppingahandtoherface.Thedangerouslybeautifuleyesweregentleastheylookeddownather.“Holdontothatanswer.”
Shetriedtohuff,butitcameoutasadreamysighinstead.“Iwill.”
“Thatonetoo.”
Theygazedateachother,grinningratherfoolishly.
“Tsk.”
Turning,theyfoundBixbyshakinghisheadwithexasperation.“Ibegyourpardon,”hesaidwithouttheleasthintofapologyinhisvoice,“butisthisaromanceorisitanadventure?ForIwillremindyou,wearemissingtheongoingaction.”
CharlotteandAlexexchangedasmilingglance.“Ithinkwhatthisisdefiesdefinition,”Charlottesaid.
“Whichisonlyright,”Alexadded.“We,Charlotte,arethemakersofmanners.”
“Ooh,”shesaid,hersmilebrightening,“Shakespeare!Ididn’tknowyouread—”
Hiseyebrowsshotupinamusement.
“—suchthings,”sheadded.“Ididn’tknowyoureadsuchthings.”
Heshrugged.“There’salotyoudon’tknowaboutme,darling.”
“Good,forIamnottoooldtolearn.”
Shetookhishand,andtheyhurriedafterthecrowdtowardtheshore.
24THEYUNHAPPYTWO—UNEXPECTEDEMPATHY—ASOLUTIONPOPSUP—PORKPIES—NEDADVISESALEX—CLACTON’SANGELS—CREEVEGETSJUSTICE—NOBECHDELTESTFORMEN—CHARLOTTETAKESAIM—THEULTIMATESOLUTION
GentlewomeninEnglandstilla-bedwouldnodoubtthinkthemselvesaccurs’dtheywerenotontheshorepromenadeofClacton-on-Sea,andholdtheirwomanhoodscheapwhilstanyspokethatwatchedthepiratebattlehousesfighteachotherthatmorning.BythetimeArmitageHouseandDarlingtonHousereachedclearskiesabovetheharborinwhichtoskirmishproperly,morethanhalfthetownhadgathered,flagswerebeingflown,theconstabularyhadgivenuptryingtogetorder,andseveralyoungfellowsinred-and-white-stripedjacketsweregoingthroughthecrowdsellingporkpiesandcheese-on-a-stick.
ThefireinArmitageHousehavingbeenextinguishedbyMissDarlington’swatercannon,andLadyArmitagekeepingherbattlehousealoftbywhatmusthavebeensheerforceofwill(orbeingtooinsanetorealizethatshewasnowflyingnothingmorethananupperstoryandhalfastaircase),thetwodancedaroundeachother,exchangingshouts.
“Shouldn’ttheybeexchangingshotsinstead?”askedonewoman.HerquestionwasvoicedrhetoricallybutAlexhappenedtobenearby,soheanswered.
“MissDarlingtonandLadyArmitagehavebeentryingtokilleachotherfordecades.Itwouldbestrangeiftheystartedactuallydoingsonow.”
Thewomanturnedtoacknowledgehisreplyand,seeinghewasapirate,nearlyexpiredonthespot.Scurryingaside,sheaccidentallysteppedonthefootofablondfellowwhosesmilewasasgleamingasasword.(Thewomanfeltconfidentinapplyingthismetaphorduetotheliteralswordhewasholding.)Withashriek,shefledthroughthecrowd.
“Stillcharmingtheladies,Isee,”AlexdrawledasNedcametostandbesidehim.
“Stillmakingamess,Isee,”Nedreplied,eyeingAlex’ssoot-stainedhairandclothes.
“Whyareyouwavingyourswordaroundlikethat?Youcouldputoutsomeone’seye.”
“Therearefourpiratesandatleasttwowitchesinthiscrowd.IskirmishedwithOliviaEtterlyjustnowandpromisedtomeetMr.Rotunderwithpistolsatdawn.”
“Willyou?”
Behindthem,awomanlaughed.“IdoubtNedevenknowswhatdawnlookslike.”
AlexturnedtogrinatCecilia,whogavehimacoollookthennoddedtoCharlotte.“MissPettifer,howdoyoudo?”
AlexwatchedCharlotte’seyelashesswoopdownthenupagain,theonlysignonherotherwisecalmvisagethatshewasrapidlyassessinghowtobehaveinthisunexpectedmoment.Hisheartdidalittleflipofworryforher,thenalittleflipbackagainwithadoration.God,buthelovedthatshedidn’tautomaticallyknowhowtobenormal.Helongedtoflyherawayintoawildskywhereshe’dhavethefreedomtobeasstrangeandsensualandindescribablywonderfulasshewantedtobe.
“Iamwell,thankyou,MissBassingthwaite,”shesaidafterapausesotinyonlyAlexnoticedit.Shenoddedwithimpeccableelegance.“Andyou?”
Ceciliasighed,fanningherselfwithawhite-glovedhand.“Tobefrank,MissPettifer,Iamoverwhelmed.Allthisclamorandcrowdingexhaustsmysenses.”
Charlotte’seyesgrewwideinamazement,butsherecoveredquicklyandgaveCeciliaapolitesmile,asifsheherselfwasnotonthepointofdoingsomethingterrible,suchasscowling,orperhapsevenexhalingloudlyinexasperation,duetoherownoverwhelm.Alexbithisliptostophimselffromgrinning.
“Shallwetakeashortwalk?”Ceciliasuggested.“IwouldappreciateyourcompanyasItrytofindaquieterlocationfromwhichtoviewmyaunt’sderring-do.”
“Aren’twesupposedtobegettingtoourhouseandchasingaftertheamulet?”Alexasked.
Charlottehesitated.Hecouldsensetheconflictinherbetweendutyandanewfriendship.Instantly,heknewwhichonehevaluedmore.Friendshipmeantnothingtohim—nothing!—buthewantedwithallhisheartforhertohaveitforherself.Andifthetwowomendidbecomechums,thenhewouldhaveanexcuseobligationtospendmoretimewithNed.PerhapsheandCharlotte,NedandCecilia,couldevengosofarastohavelongconversations,traveltogether,andmeetatdiningestablishments.HewoulddoitforCharlotte’ssake.Hewouldriskanything,eventheperilsofemotionalintimacy,forher.
“Go,”hesaid.“Wehavenoneedtohurry.”
Charlottelookedathimdoubtfully,andforamomentthewholeworldseemedtobecomestill,awaitingherreply.
Thenshesmiled.
“Itwouldbemypleasure,”shesaidtoCecilia,whosmiledinreturn.ButbeforeshedepartedshetookonemoreglanceatAlex,asiftocheckagainthathewasstillalive.Itreachedrightintohimandsqueezedhisheart.Howlonghaditbeensinceanyonehadcaredhewasliving?
Infact,hadheonlyrealized,itwasthepreviousweek,whenBixbysawhimwalkinthedoorafterspendingthenightinagamblinghouse,bankruptingopiumdealers;thensixmonthsbeforethat,whenhestoodbesideNedatthealtar,watchingCeciliaglidetowardtheminawhiteandgolddress;andthreemonthsbeforethat,whenheflewanoldwoman’shousetoawarmerclimatesoshesufferedlessfromarthritis;andindeedthewholeof1884,whenhesmuggledenoughflourandsugarintoIrelandtokeepthreevillagesfedallyear.
Ignorantofthis,AlexgaveCharlottealooksofullofloveandgratitudethatshefrowned.Luckily,sheturnedawaywithCeciliabeforeshesawhimsighlikeadreamyboy.
Ned,however,sawonlytoowell.“You’reinlove,”hechuckled,proddingAlexwithhissword.
Withoutevenblinking,AlexhadhisgunaimeddirectlybetweenNed’seyes.Thiscausedtheotherpiratetolaughevenmore.“Nevermind,oldchap,”hesaid,slappingAlex’sarm—ariskymove,consideringitwasthearmwithaloadedweaponattheendofit.“Ihaveabookofpoetryyoucanborrow.”
CharlotteandCeciliastrolledarminarmthroughthecrowd,aprocessmadeeasierbythefactthatmostpeoplerecognizedCeciliaasapirate(thepiquantlittleredhatwasaclue,nottomentionthetwogunsstrappedtoherwaist)andhurriedoutoftheirway.
“Goodness,butitisclose,”Ceciliasaid,bringingforthahandkerchiefandwavingitdelicatelyinfrontofherface.CharlottenoticedthatitwastheoneCaptainLightbournehadimploredhertopasson,severaldaysoralifetimeago,intheBritishMuseum.TheglimpseofAsiaticliliesmadeherheartsigh.Shetoolovedlilies,butCeciliahadeventhis.
AlthoughI’vealwayslovedliliesofthevalleybest,sheremindedherself—andthenflushedinhorrorassherealizedshehadspokenaloud.Panicbeganswellingintoherthroat.
ButCeciliaonlysmiled.“Toeachherown,MissPettifer,”shesaid.
Andjustlikethat,Charlottecouldbreathe.AsinglesentencefromthepirateandyearsofreproachfulPlimmisheducationunraveled,makingherfeelatlastacceptableinallhershy,brittlesensitivity.TheironywassoJane-Austen-like,shealmostlaughed.
“IamgladyouwereabletosaveCaptainO’Riley,”Ceciliacontinuedblithely,asifvalidatingawoman’strueheartwassucheverydayworkforhershedidnotevenneedtopauseafterward.“Beneathhisweaponsandroguishness…andbadmanners…andsimplyawfullanguage…nottomentionthatcatastrophehecallsabattlehouse…andthentherearethedubiouspoliticsandthetendencytodrinkalittletoomuchwhenheisinabadmood,whichseemstobeoften…er,yes,beneaththat,heisagoodman.”
“Iwillagreethathehasafewworthyqualities,”Charlottesaid.
“Andhe’sremarkablyhandsome,”Ceciliaadded.
“Heistolerabletolookat,Isuppose,”Charlotteagreed.
“Alsorich.”
Charlottepaused,thinkingbacktothefirstdayshemethim,theoutrageandthesecretwryappreciationshefelt,asafellowswindler,whenhisbriefcaseopenedandshreddedpaperfellout.“Moneyisn’teverything,”shesaid.
“Goodheavens!”Ceciliaejaculated.“Ifearyouhaveinhaledtoomuchsmokefromthefire,MissPettifer.”
Charlottedidnotanswer,forshehadnoticedhowDarlingtonHousewascastingoutagrapplinghook,asyetunsuccessfully,andadreadfulthoughtoccurredtoher.“Pardonme,MissBassingthwaite,Imaybeprejudicedinthematterofaunts,butwhatifyourAuntDarlingtonwastogettheamuletfromLadyArmitage?”
Ceciliasmiledcomplacently.“AuntDarlingtonisanoblecharacterwhowillkeepthebestinterestsofEnglandfirstandforemostinherthoughts,”sherepliedinringingtones.
“I’mpleasedtohearit,”Charlottesaid.
“Ortobemoreprecise,wearedoomed.”
Atthatloweringmoment,avoicecalledoutfromtheedgeoftheshoreroad.“Ladies!Ladies!Overhere!”
CharlotteturnedtoseeConstantinoplaBrownstandingbeforeagarishlycoloredpopcornstall.Theyoungpirateleanedonehandinaproprietarymanneragainstitsshutteredfrontage,whilewithherothershewavedcheerily.
CeciliaturnedtoCharlottewithasmilethatwasnowlesscomplacentandmorewickedlypiratic.
“Isay,MissPettifer.Areyoubyanychanceupforanadventure?”
“Thesecrettoasuccessfulrelationship,”NedwassayingasheandAlexateporkpiestheyhadstolenfromapassingvendor,“iscommunication.CeciliaknowsIwillnever(again)installatennisnetintheparlorwithouttalkingtoheraboutitfirst,andIcanbesureshewon’tgooffharum-scarumwithoutlettingmeknow.Thisiswhywearesoblissfullyhappy.Iurgeyoutotakemyadvice,oldchap,ifyouwantthesamehappinesswithMissPettifer.”
“Uh-huh,”Alexsaid,watchingCeciliaspinasmall,portablewheelinsideapopcornstallasitroseabovethecrowd.Constantinoplawaspointingtotheduelingbattlehouseswhilecallingoutunnecessarynavigationaldirections,andCharlottestoodbetweenthetwopirateladies,countingthebulletsinhergun.
“Ofcourse,I’mblessedtohaveawifelikeCecilia,”Nedcontinued.“Sogentle,sodemure.”
“Hm,”Alexsaid,gratefulforthemouthfulofpiethatrestrainedhimfromfurtherresponseashewitnessedCeciliabashingabagofpopcornagainstadecorativepieceatthefrontofthestallthatwasobstructingherview.Thepiecebrokeoffatthesamemomentthebagsplitopen,sendingpopcorndownuponthecrowdinanappropriatelycircus-likeversionofmannafromheaven.Alexswallowedpieandsaidcarefully,“Bytheway,doyouhaveasparewheelonyou?”
“Sorry,”Nedsaid.“Ceciliacarriesoursinherbustle.Piratewomenreallydohavethebestfashions,youknow.Visionary,even.Markmywords,onedayallwomenwillhavesecretcompartmentsandpocketsintheirskirtsasamatterofcourse.Butwhydoyouwantawheel?”
“Idon’t.Iwasjustwonderinghowyourdemurewifemanagedtogetthatpopcornstallaloft.”
Nedglancedupatthecolorfullittlestallflyingtowardthebattlehouses,threewomenjammedinside.Herolledhiseyes.“Anotherthingyouwilllearnaboutsuccessfulrelationships,O’Riley,isthatyou’llalwaysbewrong.Besides,youcan’tkeepagoodwomandown,andthatgoesliterallyforabuccaneeringone.IseeyourMissPettiferisgettingintotheswingofthingsinamannerI’dnothaveexpectedfromaWickenLeaguemember.”
Indeed,Charlottewasliterallyswingingherselfuptocrouchontheroofofthestall,lipsmovingasshewhisperedtheincantation.Shehadaguninonehandandalongpinkribbontyingbackherhair,andAlexthoughthewouldswoonattheverysightofher.
“Lottieisunique,”hesaid.
“Doyouthinkweshouldchaseafterthem?”Nedaskedwithoutmuchenthusiasm.
“Ithinktheyleftusbehindforareason.Thisiswomen’sbusiness.”
“Soundsaboutright.Beafriend,stealmeacoffeefromthatvendor.”
Alexwasjustabouttodosowhenanangryvoiceshookthroughthecrowd.“Witch!Witch!”
Apale-hairedmanstaggeredtowardtheshoreline,pointingalong,thinfingerattherisingpopcornstall.“Stopthatwitch!”
Alexfrowned,havingnoideawhothemanwasbutnointerestinstoppingtoinquire.Drawinghisgun,hesteppedforwardtosavethesituation.Buthewastoolate.
Abagofroastednutsplummetedfromthestallontotheman’shead.Hecollapsedatonceinatumbleofelbowsandspindlylegs,andthecrowdcheeredwithdelightatthisclownishadditiontotheshow.
“That’smygirl,”Nedmurmuredwithasmile.
“Actually,thatwasmygirl,”saidanewvoice.ThepiratesglancedaroundtoseeTomarriving.Inhisarmswasanironball,itschainstillattachedtohisankle.Nedsmackedhimcheerfullyontheshoulder,makinghimwince.
AlexturnedbacktowatchthepopcornstallcloseinonArmitageHouse,Charlotteridingitsroofwithperfectlycalmbalance.“Doesanyoneelsegetthefeeling,”hesaid,“thatinfactwe’retheirboys?”
Charlotterosetostanduprightonthecorrugatedironroof.Windrushedagainstherfaceandherheart.Magicrushedout.Shedidnotlookdown,forshedidnotcarewhomightbewatchingherorwhattheymightbethinking.ShekepthereyeontheopenwindowofArmitageHouseandtheshadowedfigureinside.Itwasn’tthatsheparticularlyworriedaboutregainingtheamulet.Thatwasajobtobedone,butitnolongerpossessedherheart.Thechasewaswhatshe’dcometolove.Thechancetostandinthewild,beingwild.
ShehadalwaysthoughtpiratesneededtobemorelikeWickenLeagueladies,decorousandsensible,withsmallerhats.Onthewhole,shestilldid.Butgoodness,mixingpiracywithwitchcraftcertainlywasexhilarating.
Howhadotherwitchesnotknownaboutthis?Hadtheyneverexperiencedmagicsurgingthroughthemlikehot,sensualpassion?Orweretheyprimandproperbecausetheyhad,andfearedit?
“Well,”Charlottetoldherself,“Iamnotfrightenedofbeingafraid.”Atleast,shehadn’tbeeneversinceawickedpiratepushedandshovedandkissedherrightofftheplank,intothedepthsofherself.
Forexample,shecouldadmitthatfallingfromthispopcornstallscaredher.Althoughshemighteasilydescendeolente,shewouldstilldrown,sinceswimmingwasunladylike;andbesides,witcheshadalwaysbeentoohauntedbytheculturalmemoryofwitch-trialdunkingstotolerateanythingmoreimmersivethanabathtub.Butthefeardidnotownher.Shelaughedinitsface!(Or,moreaccurately,shefrownedinitsfaceandthoughtofhowitmightbeimprovedupon—ashark,perhaps,orasuddengustofwind.)Furthermore,shedidnotthinkshewouldactuallyfall,forshewasdeterminedtohaveherhappyending,andthereforerealitycouldjustdoasitwastoldforthenextlittlewhile.
Intheinteriorbelow,CeciliawasexpertlymaneuveringsoastodrawlevelwithArmitageHouse’scockpit.Constantinoplawasshoutinginsultsattheoldpirate—anenlivening,ifultimatelyuseless,contribution.LadyArmitage,clutchinghergreatwheel,laughedwithdisdain.Herfacewassmoke-smudged,herhairsagging,butalightinhereyessuggestedshehadenoughspirit(orcocainelollies)tostayinthefight.
Charlotteraisedherarmslowly,pushingagainstthebufferingforceofmagic,andpointedthegunatthemadpirate.“Givemebackmyamulet!”
“Doyoumeanthisthing?”LadyArmitagehelduptheamulet,swingingitbackandforthtauntingly.Withthechainwrappedaboutherfingers,therewasnohopeofCharlotteincantatingitwithoutbringingthewholewomanalongtoo,andthatmuchmagicwouldprobablydestabilizebothairbornebuildings.“Whydon’tyoucomeandgetit,littlegirl?”
“Justsurrender,AuntyArmy,”Ceciliacalledout.“Thenwecanallgoandhaveacupofteaandsomebiscuits.”
Charlotterolledhereyes.Eventhemorereasonablepirateswereessentiallymad.
“Ohwell,iftherearebiscuits.”ToCharlotte’sastonishment,LadyArmitagemovedawayfromthewheel.Buthersmilewascrookedlikeanoldmoonandheldjustasmanysecrets.Charlottetookaninstinctivestepback.
“I’lljumpoverandhandittoyou,shallI?”thepirateaskedthroughthatsmile.
Charlottethoughtshewasmerelyteasing,forsurelyitwouldbeimpossibleforanoldwomaninheavyclothingtomakeajumpofsometwentyfeetunlesssheusedwitchcraft—andLadyArmitagewasnowitch.Foronething,herdresssensewasfartoovulgar.Butasthepiratestaredatthegapbetweenthehouses,hereyessquinted,gaugingthedistance,andCharlotterealizedshewasserious.Sheintendedtomakethatleap,regardlessofitscertainfailure.Charlottecouldnotcomprehendsuchmadness!
Thenagain,nodoubtAlexwouldmakethesameleap.Witchesfearedtoomuch,butpiratesdidnotfearanywherenearenough.
Sightingalongthelengthofthegun,Charlottebegancalculating.Notthehead;shedidn’twanttoactuallykillthewoman.Butnotthelegseither,riskingricochetfromthecrinolinepetticoat.Probablytheshoulderwouldbesafest.Onegoodshot,thenmaketheleapherselftorecovertheamulet—whichwouldbeentirelysafeandnotatallmad,asshe’dbesupportedbywitchcraft.(NevermindthatArmitageHousewouldsurelyplummetifitspilotwasshot,nottomentiontheladypiratesonhandwho’dimmediatelysnatchtheamuletfromher,andadozenotherconsiderationsthatpirateswouldhaveknowntofactorin.Although,tobefair,they’dmaketheleapevenwiththatunderstanding,thusleavingnoactualdifferencebetweenawitch’sarroganceandapirate’sinsanity.)
Nowifthestall,house,andpiratecouldjuststopswayingindifferentdirectionsforamoment…
“Forgoodness’sake,Isabella,thisbehaviorisdeplorable,evenforyou!”
Charlottelookedfromthecornerofhereyeattheotherbattlehouse.MissDarlingtonwasfrowningoutthroughheropencockpitwindow,onelace-glovedhandonherwheel,theotherholdingacupoftea.“Besides,”thegrandladycalledout,“magicalamuletsarepasséthesedays.Everyheroandhersidekickhasone.Youmustlearntotakeamodernperspective,Isabella.IhearCountessStrabehasacursedswordthatwouldsuityoumuchbetter.”
“Indeed?”LadyArmitageseemedpiquedbythisinformation.Shetookanotherstepawayfromherwheel.Herskirtsweptagainstitandsomethingfelloutoftheshaft,clatteringacrossthefloorandoutthewindow.CharlotterememberedMissDearlovesittingupfrombeneaththewheel,screwdriverinhand,aprofessionaldegreeofmysteryinhereyes.“I’msabotagingthewheel,”shehadsaidinthatdangerouslycalm,quietvoiceofhers.
Thewheelspun,untouched.Thehousebegantotremble.Insidethepopcornstall,Ceciliagaveahorrifiedgaspassherealizedwhatwashappening.“Aunty!”shecalledout—althoughwhichauntshemeant,Charlottedidnotknow.
Suddenlythehousetilted.CharlottesawstartlementflashontoLadyArmitage’sface.Foronehideousmoment,itlookedlikesanity.Sheclutchedattheair,tryingtokeepherbalance.Charlotte’sheartbegantorace.Droppingthegun,sheheldoutherhandinaninstinctiveofferofrescue.Adozenwordsoftheincantationrushedup—
Thehousetiltedagain.
Andjustlikethat,LadyArmitagewastossedoutthewindow.Nograndiosedeathspeech.Nowailtowrenchattheheartofeventhosewhofearedher.Ingruesomesilence,shefellahundredfeetintothesea.
Andtheamuletwentwithher.
25SISTERSINARMS—THEWITCHESAREBACK—ACLASHOFOPINIONS—CHARLOTTEMAKESANEWFRIEND—PARTINGS—ANUNWELCOMEVISITOR—AFATEFULNOTE
Thepirates’feelingswouldnotberepressed.TheyallowedeachothertotellhowardentlytheyhadhatedanddespisedLadyArmitage.Andyet,oh,forahouseoffire,thatwouldascendthebrightestheavenofClacton!ArmitageHousehadgonedownsoonafteritsmistress,andthefactitwouldneveragainmenaceEngland,parkinginthemiddleoftrafficintersections,luringinbachelors,wasalmostimpossibletocomprehend.
Togetherthepiratesstoodshoreside,staringoutacrossClactonHarbor.Or,rather,squinting,sincethemorningsunshoneontheirfacesinadecidedlyunfunerealmanner.LadyArmitagewouldhavebeenoutraged.Theymadesomewhatofacrowd,sinceseveralmembersoftheWisteriaSocietyhadarrivedunnoticedduringtheaerialbattleandnowjoinedthestunnedgathering.Servantshadsetoutlace-clothedtablesladenwithtea,cakes,andlittlecrustlesssandwiches,asisdoneintimesofcommunitygrief,albeitnotusuallyinthemiddleofthestreetandguardedbygun-totingbutlers.
Thelocals,ontheotherhand,hadrapidlydispersed.Piratesduelingaloftinflamingbattlehouseswasonething;piratesstandingquietlyonthefootpath,murmuringamongstthemselvesanddrinkingtea,wasaltogethermoreterrifying.Doorshadbeenlockedandthenbarricadedwithvariouspiecesoffurniture.Jewelshadbeenhiddenandchildrentoldtocomeawayfromthatwindowatonce.Ontheharbor,fishingboatsheadedrapidlyouttosea,eventhosewithholdsfulloffish.AneeriepeacelayuponClacton.
“ThisdoesnotseemafittingendforAuntyArmy,”Ceciliasaidwithasigh.Shewasswathedinscarvesandshawls,whichMissDarlingtonhadinsisteduponandCeciliahadpatientlyallowed,despitenowbeingatriskoffaintinginthemidsummerheat.Afterall,MissDarlingtonhadjustsufferedthelossofanemesiswhotriedfordecadestokillher;sheneededwhatevercomfortcouldbeprovided.
“Idon’tknow,”Nedarguedgently,slippinganarmaroundhiswifeandeasingherclose.“ItseemstomeonlytheseaisvastenoughtocontainIsabellaArmitage.”
Charlotteglancedsurreptitiouslyatthepiratecouple.Shefeltanoddstirringinherheart,andshetriedtodefinewhatitmightbe.Notjealousyoftheirintimacy,forshehadherownwithAlex,whohaddressedherinhiscoatandnowstoodbehindher,armsabouthershoulders,chinrestingonherforehead,hisstrengthandwarmthencompassingherasheshelteredherfromthepryingeyesofladypirates.Norwasitadesiretostealtheirjewelry.Shesuspecteditmightbethatrarestofdelights:comradeship.
ThethoughtshemightexperiencethiswithsomeoneotherthanAlex,andtoamilderextentBixby,wasutterlywondrous.Andalsodisconcerting.Itwasonethingtolikeapiratecaptainwithseductiveblueeyeswhoknewjusthowtosootheherheartandinflameotherpartsofheranatomy.Charlottedefiedanywitchtoignoreherownwomanhoodtosuchadegree.Butlikingseveralotherpirates,andfortheverythingsthatmadethempirates—thefervor,thehistrionics,andtheridiculousjoiedevivre—thiswassomethingaltogetherdifferent.
Justexactlywhatkindofwitchwasshe?
ThekindthatwasalittletoosimilartoBerylBlack,sherealizedworriedly.AndlookwhatthePlimshaddonetoher.
Evenso,shecouldnotstopherselffromwantingtosmileatNedandCecilia.Sosheturnedaway—andsawConstantinoplaontheothersideofher,holdinghandswithTom.Thepirategirlwinked
Overwhelmed,Charlottenoddedbrisklyinreply,thenfrownedoutatthewater,whichhadthedecencytonotsmileback.Alexseemedtosenseheremotion;hetuckedherinevencloser,kissinghertemple.
Charlottesighed,morehappythanshe’deverthoughtshehadtherighttobe.
Sheoughtnotallowhisembraceinpublic.Everymoment,sheawaitedopprobriumfromtheelderpiratessurroundingthem.Itappeared,however,thatridingtheroofofanairbornepopcornstallhadearnedhersomerespectfromtheWisteriaSociety—orperhapsdisrespectwasmoreaccurate,fortheytreatedherlikeafellowpirate,evenif(maybebecause)shehadbeeninstrumentalinthedeathofoneoftheirown.Severalladieshadshakenherhand,andothershadactuallygonesofarastonotstealherbraceletofbeecharmsorthepearlbuttonsonherdress.CharlottedidnotknowwhethertogrimaceorsmileatthethoughtofhowthiswouldhorrifytheWickenLeague,weretheyawareofit
Infact,witcheswerepresentandwatchingCharlotte’sbehaviorwithdisapprovingeyes.Theamuletretrievalteam,havingrecoveredfromBixby’sboobytrap,nottomentionthenightthey’dbeenforcedtospendinacheaphotelroomwithonlyonebed(whichisnotsoromanticwhenithastoservefivewomenwhoallhadthegarlicprawnsfordinner),hadbeendrawntotheshoreroadwiththeinstinctfortroubleallwitchesshared.Buttheyremainedcautiouslybackbytheteatable,restrainingthemselvestotightsmilesandcriticismofthesilverware.Whilewitcheswerenotworms,ashaspreviouslybeenestablished,neitherweretheyabouttoconfrontCharlotteinthemiddleofapiratecrowdwithouttheexpresspermissionofMissPlim.StretchingracksandduckingstoolshadnothingonwhatJudithcoulddowithamildlyinquiringsmile.
Charlotte,forherpart,didnotnoticetheirpresence,notevenwhenMissGloughenburyaccidentallyspilledthecontentsofateapot,therebynearlystartingawar.Butthen,nooneevernoticedanythingexceptpirateswheninthecompanyofpirates.
“NowthatLadyArmitageisgone,it’stheclosingofanera,”Constantinoplasaidwithadramaticsigh.
“Excuseme?”Mrs.Rotundersetherteacupdowninitssaucerwithanindignantclink.Everyonenearhershuffledafewstepsaside.“IamthesameageasIsabella,andjustasnotorious.Youmaybeassuredthattheeraremainsopen.”
Constantinoplagavenoreply,butsmirkedandrolledhereyesatTom.Everyonenearhershuffledafewstepsaside,includingTom.
Notingthesmirk,Mrs.Rotunderbristled.“Nowseehere,younglady…”
CharlottefoundherselfbeingabruptlypulledawaybyAlex.BehindthemcameNedandCecilia,glancingovertheirshouldersandmurmuringforAlextohurry.
“Whatisthematter?”Charlotteaskedtestily,notlikingbeingmanhandledinthisway(althoughotherways,involvingsheetsandpillows,werefine).
Aclashofsteelansweredher.
“Uponmyword!”shegaspedasConstantinoplaandMrs.Rotunderbegantoparley.“Cannotpiratesrestrainthemselvesforevenonehour?”
Alex,Ned,andCeciliaexchangedaglance.“No,”theychorused.Afterall,thecollectivenounforpirateswas“aquarrel.”Theairrangasadozenmoreswordscameintoplay.
“ButLadyArmitagehasjustdied!”
“Andnowthisisafittingendforher,”Ceciliasaid,duckingasateacupflewpast.“I,however,wouldratherliketoleavebeforeAuntDarlingtonbreaksmylegsoIamforcedintomonthsofbedrest.”
“Comeon,mylove,”Nedsaid,takingherbythehand.“Let’sgostealsomelivercleansingtonicinAuntyArmy’shonor.”
Ceciliasmiledathimrathersadly,thenturnedtoCharlotte.“Goodday,MissPettifer.Pleasedocallonmesoon.”
“Iwill,thankyou,”Charlotterepliedautomatically—andthenrealizednotonlydidshemeanit,butshewasexcitedattheprospectofdoingso.Atthebackofhermind,ElizabethBennetglancedupfromahammockwhereshewassippinglemonadeandreadingFrankenstein;shegaveanencouragingnodandthenvanished.Charlottefelttheswellingofemotionthatsherecognizednowasfriendship—truefriendshipforherownself.
ShesmiledatCeciliaasapurple-featheredhatcartwheeledpast,throwingoffsparks.“Ihopeyouwillcometomy—er,thatis,toanyinterestingeventsImayholdinthenearfuture.”
“Ialreadyhavemyshoespickedout,”Ceciliareplied.NoticingMissDarlingtonlookingaboutwithamedicinalgleaminhereye,shebegantuggingatherhusband’shand.
“Hurry,Ned,orshewillstartproddingmeagaintomakesurethebabyissittingupstraight.Ijustknowit.”
NedslappedAlex’sarminfarewell.AlexpunchedNed’sshoulder.Nedpunchedhimback,andAlexreachedforaknife.Theladiessharedadrylookthendrewthemenapart.Theyheadedinoppositedirectionsalongtheroad.
AlexgatheredCharlotteagainsthissideastheywalked.“Whathappensnow?”heasked,histonelight,careless.
“Breakfast,”Charlottesaid.Awitchranpast,swingingherreticuleatapirate.“Abath.ThenhometoLondon,Isuppose.MotherwillbewonderingwhereIgotto.”
“Therewillbeanuproarwhenyoureturninapirate’shouse.”
Somethingexplodedbehindthem.Theystumbledalittleattheforceofitthenkeptwalking.Charlottesmiled,althoughherhearttrembled.“Yes.I’mexpectingtomakequiteamessindeed.”
Laterthatday,intheduskycalmofPettiferHouse’sdrawingroom,Mrs.Pettiferlookedupfromherembroiderywithamildfrown.“Dear,whatlightthroughyonderwindowisshiningintomyeyesinthataggravatingfashion?”
Mr.Pettifershiftedthelacecurtainandpeeredout.“Itisthestagecoach,andJudithisthepassenger.”
Theysighedinunison.“Shelookssickandpaleasalways,”Mr.Pettifermuttered.“I’mgoingupstairs.Youdealwithher.”
“Ohno,sir,”Mrs.Pettiferdeclaimed,thrustingdownherembroideryandarisinglikeamoon—bright,shadow-eyed,andcapableofcausingmadnessinotherwisereasonablegentlemen(andacertainamountofdancingaroundnaked,althoughthatwasbeforeshemarried).“Idemandtheequalrighttobeunsociable.Let’sbothgoupstairs,andleaveherinWoollery’scapablehands.”
“Butwhatifsheisbringingnewsofthegirl?”heaskedastheyhastenedupstairslikefurtivechildren.
“Lottieisperfectlywell,”Mrs.Pettiferreplied.“Notascratchonher,Icanfeelitinmymotherlybones.”
Woollerywatchedthemdisappearintothebedroom,thenopenedthefrontdoorevenbeforeMissPlimdidnotknock.“Madam,”hesaid.“IamafraidMrs.andMr.Pettiferarenotacceptingvisitors.”
MissPlimglared.Shewasnotavisitor.ShewasaPlim!Furthermore,shecarednothingaboutDelphineand—um,whateverhisnamewas—thehusband.ShehadcomeforCharlotte.WhenWoollerymovedtoclosethedoor,shesnappedaphraseofLatinthatshovedhimaside,thenmarchedwithoutabackwardlooktowardthedrawingroom.
Woollerymetheratitsdoorinashowofbutleringskillthatvergedonmagic.“Madam,Iamafraid—”
“Ofcourseyouare,stupidman,”sheretorted.“IamgoingintowaitforCharlotte.Irequiretea.Snaptoit!”
Woolleryrelented.Thusleftalone,MissPlimpacedthedrawingroomwithallthevigorofawomanwhohasjustspenthoursinarattlingstagecoach.ShedidnotknowifCharlottewouldreturntonight,butsheintendedtowaitaslongasrequired.Herfuryknewnobounds.Indeed,ithadbeenmanyyearssinceshe’dhadsuchanexemplaryoutrage.BadenoughthatCharlottehadspentseveraldaysenjoyingherself,butworsethatshe’ddonesointhecompanyofaman.Ifonlyshe’dbeenabletoconvinceDelphinethatcoldblackteaandunbutteredtoastwereessentialtothegirl’sformation,theywouldnotbeseeingnowthisdisastrousoutbreakofindividualism.
MissPlimemittedasightaintedwithincantation.Mrs.Pettifer’svolumesofByrontoppledfromtheirshelf,makingaloudclatteragainstthefloorandrilinguphernervesinamostpleasantmanner.Shewastiredofeverything.Charlottebedamned,MissGloughenburyandtheorphansbedamned—itwastimeforanewprophecy.
Woollerybroughttea.MissPlimpouredherselfacupandwasonthevergeofdrinkingitwhenthedrawingroomdooropenedonceagainandamansteppedinunannounced.MissPlimstaredathim,cuphalfwaytohermouth.Hismagnificentlychiseledfaceandpearl-coloredeyesarrestedanyrebukeshewouldhavemade.Althoughheworedustyclothesandwithinherchestcavitycameapeculiarsensation,asifshehadalreadyswallowedteaanditwasheatingher.
Themanstoppedabruptlytostareather.Theairbetweenthemhelditsbreath.
“Madam,”hesaidfinally,bestowinguponheralooksorevolted,sosouredwithcontempt,thatMissPlimalmostgasped.Herewasakindredspiritindeed!“IamDetectiveInspectorCreeve.IhavecometoarrestCharlottePettiferonchargesofwitchcraft.Idemandyousurrenderhertomeatonce.”
MissPlimwouldhaveshakenbackherhairifithadn’trequiredahammertodoso.“Witchesdonotexist,mygoodfellow.ButyoucancertainlyarrestCharlotteafterIhavefinishedlecturingheronherbad—althoughnon-witchy—behavior.Sheisnothereatpresent,butIawaitherreturn,andyoumayalso.Willyouhavetea?”
Hesniffed.Hiseyesglimmeredashelookedherupanddown.Histongueslippedouttolickwhatcouldbecalledhislipsbyonlythemostcharitableobserver.
Fortunately,MissPlimwasarenownedphilanthropist.
“Wehavegreentea,”shesaidinthesamewayanotherwomanwouldhavementionedwine.Servedinaslipper.Inherbedroom.
Heblottedmoisturefromonenasalcavity.Thepallidgazethathadwanderedalloverherbodylingeredatthebrittlelineofcollarbonepeekingoutfromabovehergraywoolbodice,andhelookedasifhewouldliketosniffit.
“Youareafetidwitch.”
MissPlimblushed.“AndifIamnotmistaken,sir,youarethatrevoltingandheartlessscourgeoftheearth,awitchhunter.”
Hetookafewstepstowardher,hishipsjerkinginanattemptatmanlyswaggering.“Whatisyourname?”
“Judy,”shesaid.
“Matthew,”hetoldher.
He’dcomesoclose,shecouldsmellthesaltinessofbloodbeneathhisbandages.Herheartpulleditselfupfromitsstiff-backedchair,rubbeditsachinghip,andputitselftostirring.Sheneedednocrystalballtojustifythefutureshebegantoseeforherself.
“Iamfetid,bad,reprehensible,”shesaidhuskily.“Howareyougoingtopunishme,Matthew?”
Hisdaintyeyelashesflutteredandayellowishhuebegantoinfusehisexpression—lust,orperhapsindigestion.Hereachedout,touchedherface,thenliftedhisfingerstohisnose.MissPlimshiveredattheromanticgesture.
“Youbelongonaflamingpyre,woman,”hegrowled,steppingsoclosetheirshadowsfusedintoonetrembling,distortedshape.
“Ohyes,”MissPlimreplied,hervoicelittlemorethanabreathmadesteamywithfemininemagic.“Burnme.Burnmealive.”
WhenCharlottearrivedhomenotlongafter,handinhandwithapirate,itwastofindthedrawingroomempty.Woolleryinformedherparentsofherpresence,andMrs.Pettiferrusheddownstairsinaflurryoflaceandlaughter.EmbraceswereissuedandwelcomesmadetoCaptainO’Riley,whoseoccupationwasforgiveninlightofhiswealthandgoodlooks,nottomentionthefactMrs.Pettiferhadnearlycompletedtheweddingpreparations.Thenthetriosatdowntoteaandchat.Charlotte’sseatrustledasshedescendeduponit,andrisingagainshesawaletterthere.
“Whatisthematter,dear?”Mrs.Pettiferaskedasherdaughter’sfacegrewwhite.
Charlottelookedupspeechlessfromthepieceofpaper,hereyeswideastheywentfirstfromMrs.PettifertoAlex.“It—I—uponmyword!”
Alexstoodimpatiently,removedtheletterfromhernumbhands,andperuseditwithspeed—whereuponhisjawdroppedopen.Mrs.Pettifertookthedisturbingitemforherselfandsnappeditbrisklybeforereadingitsmessage.Shelaughed.
“Why,Judithhasgone!AbdicatedleadershipoftheWickenLeagueandelopedwithsomeman,sailingawaytoFrance!”
“Well,that’sbleedingmassive,”AlexmurmuredinanaccentsoIrishitwaspracticallycoloredgreenandwavingaglassofwhiskey.
“Shesayssheisbestowingallherauthorityonyou,Lottiedear!”Mrs.Pettifercontinuedreading.“ButIdon’tunderstandthispart:‘Itisafittingpunishment’—forsurelythisiswonderfulnews?Icertainlydon’tneedatarotdecktotellmeitistheverybestnews!Mydear,youarenowleaderofthewitches!”
“Hurrah,”Charlottesaiddazedly.
Mrs.Pettiferfrowned.“Youdonotseemveryexcited.Thisiswhatyouhavebeenwaitingforyourentirelife,mydear.”
“Yes,Iamaware.ButMama,howcanImarryAlexifIamtoheadtheLeague?Thefeud—”
Mrs.Pettiferwavedthisconcernawayatonce.“CaptainO’Rileymaybeapirate,butthatrepresentsonlyasmallandeasilyremediedflaw.Noonewouldexpectyoutogiveupsuchaninterestingreformationproject.AndI’msurehisskillswilltransfernicelytolawyeringorbeingamemberofparliament.”
(“Excuseme?”Alexsaid,butwasignored.)
“Solongasyoudon’tdosomethingtrulyscandalous,suchasinviteaWisteriaSocietyladytoyourwedding,youwillbefine.”
“Um,”Charlottesaid,bitingherlowerlip.
“Oh.Well,Isupposeunfortunatethingscanhappenattheseaside.Fearnot!Solongasyoudon’tinvitethatscandalousCeciliaBassingthwaite,youarestillfine.”
“Um,”Charlottesaid,andflungherselfbackontoasofa.
“Oh,”Mrs.Pettifersaidoncemore,atherwit’send.Butsinceitdidnottakelongforhertoreachthere,itwasaneasyjourneybouncingbackagain.“Nevermind,dear!Thisshallheraldanewageofintersocietyenmity.AlreadyIhaveinmindcertainpirateladiesIshallinvitetovisitsoImayservethemweakteaandgivelacklustercomplimentsabouttheirhats.Besides,withtheamuletintheLeague’spossession,weshallhavetheupperhand!”
Alexwinced.Charlotteclosedhereyes,pressingthebackofherhandagainstthem.
“Isee.”Mrs.Pettifer’svoicesoundedalarminglyPlimmish.Sheturnedonherheelandbeganfuriouslypouringteaintoacup.
AlexsatonthesofanexttoCharlotte.“I’mproudofyou,”hesaid,smiling.
“There’snoneedtobe.”Shetippedherheadtoeyehimbalefully.“Ihavedonenothingspecialbeyondhappeningtobetherecipientofaconvenientprophecy.”
“Whatisgiventoyoudoesnotmattersomuchashowyouuseit.”
Charlottepausedtoconsiderthis.“IhavealwaysthoughtI’dliketoorganizetheLeaguebetter.Tidyupourvisitingschedule.Makearosterforbankrobberies.”
Alex’scountenancewaveredslightly,buthebudgeditintoanencouragingsmile.“That’sthespirit!Although…youtoldmetheotherdayyouwantedtousetheamulet’spowertomaketheworldbeautiful.Evenwithoutit,younowhaveauthorityoveragroupofmagic-wieldingwomen.YoucouldintroducesomereallysignificantchangestoEngland.”
“True.”Hereyeslitup.“Nocorsetsonweekends!”
Alexnodded,althoughwithhisfaceloweredtohidetheexpressionthereon.“Good.That’s,er,good.”
“Andmaybe—justoffthetopofmyhead,youunderstand—divertingaristocrats’resourcestohelpstreeturchins?”
Helookedupthroughhiseyelashesather.“There’smywitchywoman.”
Shesighed,herexpressiondarkeningagain.“No,itishopeless.IshallfromnowonbeboundinLondon,shroudedwithsecrets.Nomoreadventuresforme—andyou,youhatewitches.IcannotaskyoutotieyourselftothewomanwholeadsEngland’scoven.”
“Ah,Lottie.”Hegraspedherhand.“You’dbeamazedbywhatI’mwillingtodoforyou.”
Mrs.Pettifer,hearingthis,overpouredmilkintoherteaandfloodedthesaucer.Charlottefeltthesamethinghappeninherheart.TearswelledupasshelaidahandtoAlex’sstubbledjaw,strokingathumbagainstitsroughness.
“Youareagoodman,CaptainO’Riley.”
Hescowled,althoughhiseyesglintedwithhumor.“Haveacareformyreputation,madam,ifyouplease.”
Straightening,Charlottebrushedthecreasesfromherskirt.“Verywell,let’sdothis.Let’sbringinaneweraofgreatness,asprophesized.”
Theysmiledateachother.
Andthedrawingroomdoorburstopen.
“Darlings,doIhavenewsforyou!”
26ANEWORDER—CHARLOTTESHINESALIGHT—THEOLDORDER—CHARLOTTEFINALLYSEESTHEDARK—ALEXRUINSEVERYTHING—FEARANDLONGING—CHARLOTTEHASTHELASTWORD
Wethreemeetagain!”MissGloughenburydeclaredasshesailedintotheroom.Beneathonearmshecarriedsomethingthatapproximatedapoodle,althoughitwasbaldinsomeplaces,singedinothers,andoneleghadbeenreattachedbackward.SeeingAlexsittingonthesofabesideCharlotte,shefrowned.“Er,wefour,itseems.Charlotte,darling,is
BeforeCharlottecouldrespond,ahurly-burlyfilledthedoorway.Amongstthestripes,spots,chintz,andfeathers,threeladiescouldbeperceived,strugglingtoenterinanorderofprecedencenonecouldagreeupon.Woollery,comingbehindthemwithaladenteatray,announcedbelatedlythearrivalofnotonlyMissGloughenburybutMrs.Chuke,Mrs.Vickers,and,er,MissSmith—thelatterofwhomnoonequiterecognized,duetothefactshewasBloodhoundBessindisguise,comealongfortheadventureandtoseeifthesewitcheshadanythingworthstealing.
MissGloughenburystatedtheobvious:“WehavereturnedtoLondon.WecaughtaridewithasweetoldladybythenameofMissMonster,andcameimmediatelytogiveourreport.Burninghouses!Theamuletgoneforever!AndCharlottegettinguptothemostextraordinary—”
ThegrandfatherclockstandingbehindMissGloughenburybegantorock.Butbeforethatgoodladycouldmeetatimelyend,Mrs.Pettifersteppedforwardtoannounce,“Judithhasgone!”
Thewitchesgaspedwithapassablerenditionofdismay.Theclocksettled.Mrs.Pettifer,enjoyingsomethingabouthersisterforthefirsttimeinforty-eightyears,grinnedmerrily.“Beforeshedeparted,JudithpassedherauthorityontoCharlotte.Ladies,beholdyournewleader.”
Withaflourish,sheindicatedCharlotte,whosmiledweaklyandwavedfromthesofa.
Ifthewitchesfelthorroratthisturnofevents,onemightblinkandthereforebeentirelyunawareofit.Theytransformedtheircountenanceswithimpressivespeedintohappysmiles,andcrowdingfurtherintotheroom,proclaimedthatitwasmarvelousnews!—Charlottewasanexcellentyoungwoman!—theLeaguewasinidealhands!—andotherrandomsuperlativesthatwereentirely,wholeheartedlyapplicabletothissituation!Charlottehurriedtoherfeetbeforetheenthusiasmsuffocatedher.Alex,followingsuit,foundhimselfliterallybustledtooneside.
“Whatasplendidpresidentyouwillmake,darling,”MissGloughenburysaid,graspingCharlotte’shandandbeatingitupanddowninanaggressivehandshake.“AndasforJudith,Idonotwishtospeakillofthedead—”
“She’sonlyleftthecountry,”Mrs.Pettiferinterjected.
“Ah.”MissGloughenburyhadthedecencytonotlooktoodisappointed.“Well,sheshallbemissedindeed.Hm,ladies?”
“Hm,”theyagreedthroughtightlips.
“Isay,Charlotte,willyoualsobetakingoveryouraunt’scharitableinstitutions?”
Thesmilewasfullofteeth.
Charlottetookadeepbreath.Itwasallhappeningsofast.Shedidnothavetimetoascertainthemostcorrectresponse,orthebestwaytoholdhermouth,orevenhowtorescueherhandfromMissGloughenbury’sgripbeforenervedamageoccurred.ElizabethBennetwasgone,AnneElliotwasgone;shehadonlyherselftorelyupon.Thethoughtterrifiedher.
ThenAlexshiftedslightly,clearinghisthroat,andassheglancedinhisdirection,Charlottesawhimsmilingatherwithcalmcertaintythatshewouldbestrong,fierce,gorgeous,brave.Sherealizedthenthatalthoughshecouldcatchherselfwithherownmagicifsheeverfell,shehadhimnow—steadybeneathhisswagger,kindheartedbehindallhisdeadlyweapons—soshecouldmakeeventhemostdaringleapandbesure.
“Ladies,”shesaid,andyankedherhandawayfromMissGloughenburysofirmly,theelderwitchsqueaked.“Iwillnotbeemulatingmyaunt’scharitableschemes.Iintendtorunmyownphilanthropy—andindeedtheentireagendaoftheWickenLeague—onanewmodel.”
Thewitchesexchangedworriedglances
“Ratherthandecidingourselveswhatisrightfortheworld,wewillconsultwiththosewhowouldbenefitfromourwitchcraftastowhatwouldbemosthelpfulfortheircircumstances,andfollowthatguide.”
Theworriedglancesbecamealarmedstares.
“Afineschemeinprinciple,”Mrs.Chukemurmured.“Unfortunately,dear,peoplerarelyknowwhatisbestforthem.”
“ButI—”
“Jollygoodtoseeyoutryingtobeclever,”Mrs.VickersaddedwithasmilesocondescendingCharlottefeltitknocktenyearsoffherlife.“YourcharminglittleideaswillshowjusthowvaluableourLeague’stime-honoredconventionsare.”
“Butasyourpresident—”
“ItwillbereassuringtohaveanotherPlimatthehelm,”MissGloughenburyaverred.“Traditionisalwayssuchacomfort.”
“Mytarotspreadthismorningdepictedthatverything,”Mrs.Vickerssaid,noddingemphatically.
“Andmycrystalballshowedmeasteady,familiarpathfortheLeagueintothefuture,”MissGloughenburyagreed.
“Isee,”Charlottesaid.Andshedid,withaclaritysobrightitblisteredher.Shemutteredbehindtheclenchedteethofhersmile.
Teacupsbeganrisingfromthetable.
“Goodheavens!”Mrs.Pettifercriedout,tryingtocatchthem.
Cushionsbeganrisingfromthesofas.
“Charlotte,dear,”MissGloughenburysaid,hereyesnarrowing.“Areyouquitethething?”
“Ofcoursesheis!”Mrs.Pettifersaidindignantly,herarmsfullofsaucers.“RememberthatLottieisafteralltheProphesizedOne,trueheirofBerylBlack.”
“Oh,Ihaven’tforgotten,”MissGloughenburysaid,nottakingherstarefromCharlotteevenforoneblink.
Charlotte’sstomachdropped.Cupsandcushionscrasheddownalongwithit.Ignoringhermother’sgasp,shestaredatthebonfiresinMissGloughenbury’seyes.
“Despitetheshamblesofthispastweek,”theladywenton,hersmilemakingcutlass-shapedcreasesinhertautface,“wecanallagreethatCharlotteisagoodgirl.”
Andthereitwas—theforcethathaddrivenAuntJudithalltheseyears.Notpowerbutfear.Notauthoritybutobedience.
Withbleakirony,CharlotterealizedshewasindeedheirtotheforcesthathaddrivenBerylBlack’sdestiny.She’dbeabletokeeptheLeagueincheck,butonlyifshekeptherselfincheckalso.Showtoomuchpowerandnotenoughobedience,toomuchmagicandnotenoughmanners,andthefirewouldburnforherjustasithadforBeryl.MissPlimmightbegone,butMissGloughenburywasreadyinthewings.AndevenifsheaskedAlextoflythewomanofftheedgeoftheworld,therewouldstillbeMrs.Chuke,andCousinEugenia,andevenhermother,well-meaningbuthavinginternalizedPlimmishnesssocompletely,shecouldnotseebeyondherowntealeaves.
CharlottemightrisetoLeagueleadership,butthesensitivitiesthatsparkedherjoyinmagic,inlifeitself,wouldhavetoberepressedagainandkeptthatwayforever.
Suddenly,Alexsteppedforward.“Ibegyourpardon,ladies,”hesaid.
Theyturnedtofrownathim,butbeforetheycouldspeakhetookCharlottearoundthewaistandhoistedheroverhisshoulder.
“Egads!”MissGloughenburygasped.
“Whatareyoudoing,youngman?”Mrs.Chukedemanded.
“BecarefuloftheFabergécrystal!”Mrs.Pettifercried.
“Iamkidnappingyourleader,”Alexsaid,grinningpiratically.“Ifyouhaveaproblemwiththat,IadviseyoutotakeitupwiththeWisteriaSociety.”
Hebegantostridetowardthedoor,Charlottespeechlessinhisgrasp.
“Youcannotkidnapher!”Mrs.Chukesaid.“Sheisthekidnapperinyourrelationship.”
Alexlaughed.“Shecertainlystoleme,it’strue.Heartandsoul,theverymomentIsawher.AndnowIamstealingherfromyou.Goodevening,ladies.”
“Butthiswillbringthefeuduponusalloveragain!”MissGloughenburysaid.
“Itwillindeed,”Alexagreedcheerfully.
Amomentofsilencefollowedasthewitchesprocessedthis.
“Youknave!”MissGloughenburyshouted,crossingtopourherselfacupoftea.
“Outrageous!”Mrs.Chukedeclared,settlingcomfortablyontoasofa.
“ButLottie,”Mrs.Pettifersaidinatremulousvoice.“Willtherestillbeawedding?”
Charlotte’sheart,swoopingwildly,feltanunexpected,gentletugoffamiliallove.ShelookedoutthroughthetumbleofherhairtosmileatMrs.Pettifer.“Youcontinuepreparations,Mama,andIshallreturnbrieflyfrombeingkidnappedtoattendit.”
Thewitchesfelltomurmuringexcitedlyamongstthemselves.Fromherinvertedposition,CharlotteheardthemsaysomethingaboutLetticehavingactuallypointedatEugeniaCuttle-Plim’smotherwhenprophesizingBeryl’strueheirallthoseyearsago,notDelphinePettifer,andthereforeEugeniawastherealProphesizedOne.
Shewouldhavelaughedhadthatbeenappropriateforakidnappee.
Alexcarriedherfromtheroom,pausingonlysoshecouldsaygood-byetoWoollery(andAlexcouldstealhispocketwatch).Astheypassedthroughintotheentrancehall,MissGloughenburytappedateaspoonagainstacupperemptorily.“Ladies,ladies,ifyouwillkindlycometoorder…”
AshiverwentthroughCharlotte’sblood.Thatcouldhavebeenher.She’dbeenoneMansfieldParkquoteawayfromcorsetingherlifeforever.Ifnotforaweekofmadnesswithawildpirate,shemightneverhavelearnedwhatawitchshereallywas.
“Thankyouforrescuingme,”shesaidtoAlex.
Helaughed.“Justreturningthefavor.”
Andsotheyfled.
Whichistosay,theywentupstairs,andCharlottepackedseveralsuitcasesandwroteareferenceforherlady’smaid,whileAlexcomplainedgood-naturedlyaboutjusthowmanybooksshewasbringing…thentherewasahandshakewithherfather,whoaccidentallycameupontheminthehallandmanagedtosayagruffwordortwoaboutmakingwiseinvestments…thentheywerealmosttothedoorwhenMrs.Pettiferrushedouttoaskiftheywantedliliesorrosesattheweddingreception,andensureCharlottehadpackedatoothbrush,andwishheramostdelightfulabductionindeed…afterwhichtheyleftthehousehandinhandandneverlookedback.
Untilthreeminuteslater,whenCharlotterealizedshehadforgottenherfavoriteteacup,butafterthattheycrossedtheroadtoAlex’srumpledlittlebattlehouseand,likeproperlovers,flewawayintothesunset.
TheoldstonecottageilluminatedthedarkeningskylikeapiraticmoonasBixbysteereditone-handedly,aThackeraynovelinhisotherhandandhalfaneyeonthehorizon.Hewasheadingnowhereinparticular—“away,”Charlottehadtoldhim,andwhilehedidnotapprove,heobeyed.Meanwhile,inthebedroom,CharlotteandAlexundertookamatureconversation.
“I’mgoingtoexerciseyousomuchyouwon’tbeabletowalkstraightfordays,”Alexsaid,tuggingonCharlotte’scorsetribbons.
“Don’tbetoosure,”shereplied,unbuttoninghisshirt.“I’vebecomequitefit,thispastweek.”
“Ohdarling,youhavenoideahowmuchcorestrengthyou’regoingtodevelop.”
Thecorsetclatteredtothefloor.Herchemisefollowedsoonthereafter.
“Onthatsubject,”Charlottesaid,trailingafingeracrosshischest—“whenyoueventuallydoaskthequestiontowhichyoualludedearlier,Iwillnotexpectaspeech.”
“Really?”Hepressedherbackagainstthewallandpulleddownherdrawers,maneuveringthemcarefullyoverherbootssoastonotcauseaprematureejectionofdarts.“Don’twomenlikesuchspeeches?”
“Inprinciple.Butintheactualmoment,youshouldbetooovercomewithemotiontoarticulateproperly.”
“Isee.”Kneelingbeforeher,helookedupwithaferalgrin.“I’msureIcanmanagetobeinarticulate.”
Hethenemployedhismouthtorenderhersothoroughlywordlessherself,shecouldnotevenrecallthewittyrejoindershehadintendedtomake.Herlegstrembledtosuchadegree,hehadtoholdthemsteadywithhishands.Hervoicefloatedawayonacloudofwarm,blissfulbreath.Asshewatchedtherose-goldsunsetshimmerandblurinherdazed
“Stop,”shegasped.
Heobedientlyabandonedhisendeavorsandinsteadkissedhiswayupherbody,asifracingtowardhermouthbeforeshecouldsayanotherthing.
“No,Imeanstopaltogether,ifyouplease.”
Hesatback,andbothofthemtookamomenttobreathe.Thenhestood,allsixfeetofhimmovinglikeaweaponeveninhisnakedness,castingaheavyshadowagainstthewall.Hecuppedacalloused,scarredhandagainstherface.
“Areyouallright?”
ButCharlottefoundshecouldnotspeakagain,spellboundbytheconcernsoapparentinhiseyes.Thehouseshookonasuddenupdraftevenasherpulsewasshaking,andtheystumbled,fallinginatangleonthebedthatCharlottehadcometoloveforitslush,comfortablemessiness(althoughsheplannedtofumigatetheentireroomaroundit).Alexgatheredhertohim,steadyinghersoftnessagainstallhishardplaces.Foramomentitlookedasifhemightstartkissingheragain,soshelaidahandagainsthisheart.
“Iwanttotalk.”
“Talk?”hesaid,asifhedidnotunderstandtheconcept.
“Yes.Thereismuchofimportanceweshoulddiscuss,nowthatwehaveeloped.”Shegatheredalistofwell-consideredtopicsinhermind,linedthemupneatly,andwasabouttoannouncethefirstwhensuddenlyshefoundhervoicetumblingoutaheadofher…
“IimaginewhenCeciliaBassingthwaiteranawaywithapirate,shewasentirelydignified?”
Alexfrownedslightly.“WhyarewetalkingaboutCeciliainthismoment?”
“Andshehasproperredhair.”
“Um?”
“Ontheotherhand,ittakesawitchtoflyabicycle.”
Alex’smouthtwitchedasifhewastryingtorepressasmile.“Charlotte,areyouafraidofCeciliaBassingthwaite?”
Charlottescoffed.“Whataridiculousquestion.That’senoughtalking;let’skiss.”Shemovedtowardhim,butheleanedback,touchingafingertoherlips.
“Itissafetobefrightened,youknow.”
“Ha.”Shealmostbithisfinger.“Sosaysthedeadlypirate.”
“Oh,Iamafraidallthetime,”heanswered,andthenwincedasifimmediatelyregrettingthewords.
Charlottelookedathimsoberly.Hewassmilinginthewry,sharpmannersherecognizedasadefense,andsheabruptlyforgotallherownvulnerabilityinresponsetohis.“Becauseofyourchildhood?”sheaskedassoftlyasshecouldafteralifetimeofspeakingferalmagic.
“Isuppose,”hesaid,andhisgazeslidfromhersintoadarknesssherealizednotevenlovehadyetbanished.
Sheclutchedhisbarearms,holdinghimfromslidingtoofar.“Tellmewhatfrightensyou,soIcanbreakitintopiecesandsweepitaway.”
Hegaveabrusquelaugh.“Notevenyoucouldmanagethat,Lottiemylove.”
“Oh?”Shehookedalegoverhis,thesilkofherstockingslippingupanddownhisskin.“Areyouunderestimatingme,CaptainO’Riley?”
Hissmiletrembledashelookedbackather.“Never.Andreally,it’snothing.Poverty.Love.Memory.God.Goaheadandscoffatme,Ideserveit.”
Charlotte’seyesfilledwithadarknessofherownasshereturnedhisgaze.“Iwouldneverscoffatthat,ordenythecourageittakestoliveafierce,fun,piraticlifedespitesuchashadowontheheart.IamafraidofCeciliaBassingthwaite.Notthatshewillhurtme,butthatshemightnotlikeme.Iamafraidconstantlyofdoingthewrongthing.Sayingthewrongthing.Beingburnedaliveforwitchcraft.Loneliness.Myself.”
“Ouch.”Hekissedhertemple,herbrow,thecornerofhermouth.“Thosearesomeheavyfears.”
“Asareyours.AndyetstillyousmugglefoodintoIrelandtofeedthepoor,eventhoughyouwerehurtsobadlythere,you’verepressedyournaturalaccent.”
Heshrugged.“IadmitthatIenjoydoingsomegoodwiththeresourcesIhave.AndI’dratherstealfoodforthepoorthangetmyselfanelegantnewsofa.Butdon’ttellanyoneIsaidthat.I’dbealaughingstock.”
“Yoursecretissafewithme.”
Hegaveherthenthetruesmileshelovedsomuch,crookedandsweet.“Andyourheartissafewithme,Lottie.You’llneverbelonelyagain,notforaslongasIlive.”
“Oh.”Shecaughtherbreath.Wickedman.Wicked,fiendish,belovedman.
“Táméingráleat,mavourneen,”hewhispered,hisvoicelikewhiteoceanandloam-scentedrain.CharlottedidnotneedtoknowIrishtounderstandwhathewassaying.Hisbareheartwasinthewords,andherwildwitchheartheardit.
“Iloveyou,”shesaidinreturn.
Hissmilefadedintoanexpressionthatwentunfathomablydeeper,andCharlottefeltareflectionofitinherownbody.Shelayback,andhemovedoverherwiththecalmmasterythathadfirstdrawnhertohim,allthosedaysagoinaSt.James’steahouse.Asheslowlyfilledher,bodyandsoul,sheprophesizedthatthiswashowitwouldbefromnowon.Notjustexercise,butloveinthelight.Hermagicstirredinresponse.
“Charlotte!”Alexsaidwithasurprisethatwouldhavebeenoutrighttrepidationinamanlessawareofhisreputationascalmlymasterful.
“Iadoreyou,”sheanswered—butitcameoutintheancientlanguageofdreams,liftingthemfromthebed.
“Thisisveryhigh-mindedofyou,”hesaid,shiftingtoeasehisweightfromherastheycontinuedtorise.
“Itiredofwaitingforyourproposal,soamelevatingourrelationshiptoanewlevel.”
Helaughedandkissedthemagiconherlips.Andthen—
“Ow!”
Hewincedashisheadhittheceiling
“Sorry,sorry,”Charlottesaid,buthewaslaughingagain,andashewentbacktokissinghershetastedhisdelight.Herincantationquivered,sendingmagicandhappinessvibratingthroughherbody.PassionflashedagainstitwitheachmoveAlexmade.Sheevenfeltasmalltremoroffearastheairswayedaroundthem,suggestingatanymomenttheymighttipoverandfall.Itwasabeautifulbutchaoticmoment,andlikesomekindofpirateshesurrenderedtoit.
Alexshiftedontohisknees,settingthepalmofhishandagainsttheceilingtostabilizethem.Charlottespreadherselfbeforehim,floating,incantating.Hergoldenbeecharmsflutteredaroundherhard-pulsingwrist.Herhairswirledfree.Shewassocontent,shedidnotevennoticethecobwebsdanglingnearby.ShesawonlyAlex,knowinghesaw
Afterward,theyeasedcarefullybacktoearth,andCharlottecuddledcloseagainsttheblack-inkedbarbsprotectingAlex’sheart.“Nowthisisaperfecthappyending,”shesighed.
“You’rewrong,”hesaid,brushingthehair(andagrimystrandofcobwebhewiselydidnotmention)awayfromhereyes.
“Areyouarguingwithmeinthisromanticmoment,sir?”
“Yes.AndI’llshowyouwhytherewillbenohappyendingsforus.”
Hespokesolemnly,butCharlottewasunafraid.Theydressedagain,gatheringclothesatrandomfromthefloor,thenAlexledthewaythroughthedarkeninghouse,uptheatticladdertotheroof.Thehousewasglidingpeacefullytowardadarkeninghorizonstrandedwiththelastwistfulribbonsofday.Theworldbeneathwasindistinct,likethememoryofastorybutnoneofthewords.Charlotteshiveredasshesatontheridgepolenexttoherpirate,andheslippedhisarmaroundher.
“I’mnotcold,”sheassuredhim.Aresidueofmagicorlovecoursedlikewarm,sweetteathroughherbody.
“Iknow,”Alexsaid,smiling.Andshesawinhiseyesthathedidknow—hesawher,andunderstoodwhoshetrulywas.Thewarmthinherflared.“You’reinthralltothesky,”hesaid,andshenodded,lovinghim,lovinghimsomuch.
Hepointedtothevelvetgrayofnorth,wherestarswerebeginningtoappear.“TomorrowI’mtakingyouthere.”
“Where,exactly?”sheasked,witch-like.
“Anywhere,darling.Intotheforever.Intoalifeofendlesswondrousbeginnings.”
Herheartroseup,singing,tomeetthatwildpathofstars.
“Well,then,”shesaid,grinning.“Tallyho!”
EPILOGUELOVE—HOPE—FAITH
Thesightofloversfeedsthoseinlove—asdoesasubstantialweddingbuffet.OnCowesIsland,theautumnalafternoonwasfadingintorussetcolorsandseabreezesastheWisteriaSocietystoodaroundeatingoystercanapés,stealingeachother’spurses,andadmiringtherosegardenthathostedthewedding.Theyawaitedthearrivalofthebridalcoupletoleadthefirstdanceonthefloorthathadbeenlaidatthegarden’sheartforthispurpose.AmongstthemwasVicarDickersley,hishandsshakingsomewhatashechattedwithMissDarlingtonaboutthecontagionrateofstigmata.Hehadearlierperformedtheweddingwithaneeriesenseofdéjàvuandseveralmoralqualmsthathadbeenappeasedbyaheftydonationtohischurch;now,hereallyjustwantedtogohome.Butthelastboatofftheislandhadalreadyleft,andtheonlyotherwaysbacktothemainlandwerebyhitchingaridewithapirateorswimming.VicarDickersleywasgladhehadpackedhistogs.
Atlastthebrideappeared,luminousinwhite,radiantwithjoy,handinhandwithherhandsome,blushinggroom.Astheysteppedontothedancefloor,thestringquartetbroughtinforthisoccasionmovedtheirshacklestoamorecomfortablepositionandbegantoplayasif,forsomereason,theirlivesdependedonit.Thegroomswepthisbrideintoawaltz.
“Shelookssobeautiful,”CeciliamurmuredcontentedlytoNed,watchingthecoupleswirlbeneathaconstellationofpaperlanterns.
“Whodoes,mydear?”heasked.“Ihaveeyesonlyforyou.”Andgrinning,hedrewherontothedancefloor.
“Helookssopleased,”CharlottesaidwithawarmsightoAlex,captivatedbytheradiantwonderonTom’sfaceasConstantinoplaallowedhimtolead.
Alexkissedthetopofherhead.“Whatmanwouldn’t,athisfirstandonlywedding?”
“Hush,youfiend,”shewhispered,andhelaughed.Catchingherhand,holdingitbetweenbothofhis,hehalf-pulled,half-cajoledhertodancewithhim.Hewassurprisinglygraceful,andastheyfollowedtheothersinawide,slowring,CharlottefoundherselfrelaxingintothesensualrhythmmorethananyPlimshouldhavedone.Butthen,shewashalfPettiferthesedays,andhalfsomethingshehadnotyetworkedout.Andsoshedanced.
Fromacrossthefloor,Ceciliacaughthereyeandwinked.Charlottesmiledinresponse.
VicarDickersley,yawningashewatchedthethreecouples,wassuddenlysostartledthathealmostchoked.Forbeforehisveryeyestheywererisingofftheground,theirfeetglidingonnothingmorethanglimmeringlightandrose-scentedbreezes.
“Whatwitchcraftisthis?”thevicargasped.
MillietheMonstersmackedhisarm(andstolehiscufflink).“Foolishman,”shesaid.“It’sjustamad,magnificentdream.”
AsthemagicofCharlotte’swild,uncouthhappinessrippledthroughthegarden,theWisteriaSocietypausedintheirconversationsandpettycrime-doingtowatchtheyoungpeopledance.Tyrantstheymightbe,lunaticstheycertainlywere,buttheyalsoappreciatedromancewithalltheirvastandpeculiarhearts.Asone,theysigheddreamily.Itreallywasabeautifulsight.
Atleastupuntiltheweddingcakeexploded.
Farsouth,intheBritishMuseum,silencereigned.Thedoorshadclosedforthenight,andthestaffretired.Onlytwocuratorscreptthroughthenarrowbasementcorridors.Theylookedovertheirshouldersnervouslyastheywent,half-expectingtobeambushedbyoldladiesorstrangepoliceinspectors.Butnotroublebefellthem,anditwaswithasighofreliefthattheyenteredthearchivesroomandlockedthedoorbehindthem.
“Behindthe1802taxrecords,”onewhispered,unshutteringhislanterntoprovideadimlight.
Theotherbeganremovingheavybooksfromashelf,revealingasmallblackboxtuckedalmostinvisiblyinthedeepshadows.Hedrewitoutandthenpaused.Bothmenlookedaround,waitingforawomaninanostrich-featheredhattoleapout,parasolflailing.Whenthisdidnothappen,theyreleasedtheirbreath,andoneslowlyopenedthebox.
Anuglyglassandgoldpendantlayonabedofvelvet.
“SomehowIthoughttherealthingwouldbelesshideous,”hesaid.
“No,itwasanexactreplica,”hiscolleagueanswered.
“Howmuchdoyouthinkit’sworth?”
“Morethanyourlife,ifthepirateseverfindoutwehaveit.Putitbacknow,andlet’sgogetabeer.Thisplacegivesmechills.”
Theyshutthebox,returnedittoitshidingplace,andlefttheroom,lockingthedoorbehindthem.Hurryingaway,theydidnotseetheglimmeringthatradiatedthroughgapsinthedoorframe.
“Whatwasthatsound?”askedone.“Almostliketheseaonashore?”
“Nothing,”saidtheother,andpushedhiscolleague’sshouldertomakehimmovefaster.“Itwasnothingatall.”
Theyhastenedfromthemuseum,andwenttodrinkenoughbeertomakethemforgettheyhadeverseenanamuletatall.
Andsouthagain,downbythedocks,anoldwomandisembarkedfromafishingboat.Shehobbledaslowwaythroughgrimylittlestreetslinedwithtavernsandsplashedwithstainsofathankfullyindeterminatenature.Shewasbarefoot,herdresstornandsmellingoffish,hergrayhairhanginglikeseaweeddownherneck.Stoppingoutsideapub,shesashayedinfrontofthefirstmanwhocameoutitsdoor.
“Hey,mister,”shesaid,givinghimacrookedsmile.“Wanttogetmarried?”
Hesaidno,butshedidn’tletthatstopher.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
JaneAustensaidofhercharacterEmmaWoodhouse,“I’mgoingtotakeaheroinewhomnoonebutmyselfwillmuchlike.”ThatishowIfeltasIwroteCharlottePettifer’sstory.Iwasconcernedmanypeoplewouldn’tbekeenonmybristly,witchygirl,butIcouldn’thelpadoringher.AsIfacedthedauntinglandscapeoftheblankpage,Charlottetookitoverwithcalmfearlessness—andultimatelyallowedmetorevealherhiddenanxieties.Forallsheisandallshegaveme,nottomentionallshedidforAlex,Ithankher.
KristineSwartz,thisbookismoremagical(literally!)becauseofyou.Thankyousoverymuchfortheinspirationandguidance.TaylorHaggerty,Iswear,youcouldsootheevenMissDarlington’snerves!Isendyouhugsandmywarmestgratitude.
BridgetO’Toole,thankyouforyourencouragementandkindnessthatupliftmesooften,andforfillingmye-mailboxwithwonderfulthings.StephanieFelty,Ican’ttellyouhowmuchIappreciateallyoudoformybooksandallthemorningsI’vestartedoffwithasmilebecauseofit.ChristineLegon,StacyEdwards,MaryBaker,LauraCorless,andeveryonebehindthescenesatBerkley—I’msincerelygrateful.DawnCooperandKatieAnderson,youhavemyendless,effusivethanksforgivingmethecoverofmydreams,evenifIhavelostagreatdealofproductivetimejuststaringatit!AndeveryoneinthePenguincreativeteamwhotimeandagaincomesupwithgorgeousgraphics,videos,andart,thankyou!
TheBerkletes,includingCourtney,Olivia,Freya,Ali,Alanna,Amy,Nekesa,SarahG,SarahZ,Eliza,Amanda,Joanna,Lauren,Libby,Lyn,Melissa,Mia,Elizabeth,andLynn,whohaveextendedtomesuchawarmhandofcamaraderie—socksandBBgifsaside,Idon’tknowwhatI’dhavedonewithoutyou!
Alltheromanceauthorswhohavebeensowelcoming,andthefabulousbookstagrammers,bibliophiles,booksellers,andkindredspiritsI’vegottentoknowonline—it’sadelighttobeamongstyou!Mayyoualwayshaveagoodbooktoreadandenoughtimetodoso.
JaneAusten,whois(mis)quotedextensivelyherein,andWilliamShakespeare,theonlyauthortosurpassAusteninCharlottePettifer’sliteraryesteem,allduehonorgoestoyou.
Andasalways,Amaya,Mum,Simon,Anya,Myla,Dad,Steph—youaremyhappinessandmyheart.Iloveyou.
KeepreadingforanexcerptfromIndiaHolton’spreviousnovel..THEWISTERIASOCIETYOFLADYSCOUNDRELSAvailableinpaperbackfromJove!
ANUNEXPECTEDCALLER—THEPLIGHTOFTHEAUK—SEMANTICS—THELEVELMOON—NOTTHELEVELMOON—THECALLERRETURNS—ADISCUSSIONOFCHOLERA—ANEXPLOSION—LUNCHEONISSERVED
Therewasnopossibilityofwalkingtothelibrarythatday.Morningrainhadblanchedtheair,andMissDarlingtonfearedthatifCeciliaventuredoutshewoulddevelopacoughandbedeadwithintheweek.ThereforeCeciliawasathome,sittingwithherauntinaroomtendegreescolderthanthestreetsofLondon,andreadingaloudTheSongofHiawathaby“thatAmericanrogue,Mr.Longfellow,”whenthestrangegentlemanknockedattheirdoor.
Asthesoundbargedthroughthehouse,interruptingCecilia’srecitationmid-rhyme,shelookedinquiringlyatheraunt.ButMissDarlington’sowngazewenttothemantelclock,whichwastickingsedatelytowardaquartertoone.Theoldladyfrowned.
“Itisanabominationthewaypeoplethesedaysknockatanywild,unseemlyhour,”shesaidinmuchthesametonetheprimeministerhadusedinParliamentrecentlytodecrytheLondonrioters.“Idodeclare—!”
Ceciliawaited,butMissDarlington’sonlydeclarationcameintheformofsippingherteapointedly,bywhichCeciliaunderstoodthattheabominablecallerwastobeignored.ShereturnedtoHiawathaandhadjustbegunproceeding“towardthelandofthePearl-Feather”whentheknockingcameagainwithincreasedforce,silencingherandcausingMissDarlingtontosetherteacupintoitssaucerwithaclink.Teasplashed,andCeciliahastilylaiddownthepoetrybookbeforethingsreallygotoutofhand.
“Ishallseewhoitis,”shesaid,smoothingherdressassheroseandtouchingthered-goldhairathertemples,althoughtherewasnocreaseinthemuslinnorasinglestrandoutofplaceinhercoiffure.
“Dobecareful,dear,”MissDarlingtonadmonished.“Anyoneattemptingtovisitatthistimeofdayisobviouslysomekindofhooligan.”
“Fearnot,Aunty.”Ceciliatookupabone-handledletteropenerfromthesmalltablebesideherchair.“Theywillnottroubleme.”
MissDarlingtonharrumphed.“Wearebuyingnosubscriptionstoday,”shecalledoutasCecilialefttheroom.
Infacttheyhadneverboughtsubscriptions,sothiswasanunnecessaryinjunction,althoughtypicalofMissDarlington,whopersistedinseeingherwardastherecklesstomboywhohadenteredhercaretenyearsbefore,pronetoclimbingtrees,fashioningcloaksfromtablecloths,andmakingunauthorizeddoorsteppurchaseswheneverthefancytookher.Butadecade’spropereducationhadwroughtwonders,andnowCeciliawalkedthehallquitecalmly,herFrenchheelstappingagainstthepolishedmarblefloor,herintentionsaimedinnowaytowardthetakingofasubscription.Sheopenedthedoor.
“Yes?”sheasked.
“Goodafternoon,”saidthemanonthestep.“MayIinterestyouinabrochureontheplightoftheendangeredNorthAtlanticauk?”
Ceciliablinkedfromhispleasantsmiletothebrochurehewasholdingoutinablack-glovedhand.Shenoticedatoncethescandalouslackofhatuponhisblondhairandtheembroiderytrimminghisblackfrockcoat.Heworeneithersideburnsnormustache,hisbootsweretallandbuckled,andasilverhoophungfromoneear.Shelookedagainathissmile,whichquirkedinresponse.
“No,”shesaid,andclosedthedoor
Andboltedit.
Nedremainedforamomentlongerwiththebrochureextendedashisbrainwaitedforhisbodytocatchupwithevents.Heconsideredwhathehadseenofthewomanwhohadstoodsobrieflyintheshadowsofthedoorway,buthecouldnotrecalltheexactcolorofthesashthatwaistedhersoftwhitedress,norwhetherithadbeenpearlsorstarsinherhair,norevenhowdeeplywinterdreamedinherlovelyeyes.Heheldonlyageneralimpressionof“beautysorareandfacesofair”—andimplacabilitysoterrifyinginsuchayoungwoman.
Andthenhisbodymadepace,andhegrinned.
MissDarlingtonwaspouringherselfanothercupofteawhenCeciliareturnedtotheparlor.“Whowasit?”sheaskedwithoutlookingup.
“Apirate,Ibelieve,”Ceciliasaidasshesatand,takingthelittlebookofpoetry,beganslidingafingerdownapagetorelocatethelineatwhichshe’dbeeninterrupted.
MissDarlingtonsettheteapotdown.Withadelicatepairoftongsfashionedlikeaseamonster,shebeganloadingsugarcubesintohercup.“Whatmadeyouthinkthat?”
Ceciliawasquietamomentassherecollectedtheman.Hehadbeenhandsomeinaratherdangerousway,despitetheridiculouscoat.Alightinhiseyeshadsuggestedhe’dknownhisbrochurewouldnotfoolher,buthe’dentertainedhimselfwiththeposeanyway.Shepredictedhishairwouldfalloverhisbrowifabreezewentthroughit,andthattheslightbulgeinhistrousershadbeenincaseshewasnothappytoseehim—adagger,orperhapsagun.
“Well?”herauntprompted,andCeciliablinkedherselfbackintofocus.
“Hehadatattooofananchoronhiswrist,”shesaid.“Partofitwasvisiblefrombeneathhissleeve.Buthedidnotoffermeasecrethandshake,norinvitehimselfinfortea,asanyoneofdecentpiraticsocietywouldhavedone,soItookhimforarogueandshuthimout.”
“Aroguepirate!Atourdoor!”MissDarlingtonmadeasmall,disapprovingnoisebehindpursedlips.“Howreprehensible.Thinkofthegermshemighthavehad.Iwonderwhathewasafter.”
Ceciliashrugged.HadHiawathaconfrontedthemagicianyet?Shecouldnotremember.Herfinger,three-quartersofthewaydownthepage,movedupagain.“TheScopediamond,perhaps,”shesaid.“OrLadyAskew’snecklace.”
MissDarlingtonclankedateaspoonaroundhercupinamannerthatmadeCeciliawince.“Imagineifyouhadbeenoutasyouplanned,Ceciliadear.WhatwouldIhavedone,hadhebrokenin?”
“Shothim?”Ceciliasuggested.
MissDarlingtonarchedtwovehementlypluckedeyebrowstowardtheringletsonherbrow.“Goodheavens,child,whatdoyoutakemefor,amaniac?Thinkofthedamagearicochetingbulletwoulddointhisroom.”
“Stabbedhim,then?”
“Andgetbloodallovertherug?It’sasixteenth-centuryPersianantique,youknow,partoftheroyalcollection.Ittookagreatdealofefforttoacquire.”
“Steal,”Ceciliamurmured.
“Obtainbyprivatemeans.”
“Well,”Ceciliasaid,abandoningalosingbattleinfavoroftheoriginaltopicofconversation.“ItwasindeedfortunateIwashere.‘Thelevelmoonstaredathim—’?”
“Themoon?Isitupalready?”MissDarlingtonglaredatthewallasifshemightseethroughitsswarmofframedpictures,itswallpaperandwood,tothecelestialorbbeyond,andthereforeconveyherdisgustatitsdiurnalshenanigans.
“No,itstaredatHiawatha,”Ceciliaexplained.“Inthepoem.”
“Oh.Carryon,then.”
“?‘Inhisfacestaredpaleandhaggard—’?”
“Repetitivefellow,isn’the?”
“Poetsdotendto—”
MissDarlingtonwavedahandirritably.“Idon’tmeanthepoet,girl.Thepirate.Look,he’snowtryingtoclimbinthewindow.”
Ceciliaglanceduptoseethemanfromthedoorsteptuggingonthewoodenframeoftheparlorwindow.Althoughhisfacewasobscuredbythelacecurtain,shefanciedshecouldseehimmutteringwithexasperation.Sighing,shelaiddownthebookoncemore,rosegracefully,andmadeherwaythroughaclutteroffurniture,statuettes,vasesbearinglong-stemmedrosesfromthegarden(theneighbor’sgarden,tobeprecise),andvariouspriceless(whichistosaypurloined)goods,topartthecurtain,unlatchthewindow,andslideitup.
“Yes?”sheaskedinthesametoneshehadusedatthedoorstep.
Themanseemedratherstartledbyherappearance.Hishairhadfallenexactlyasshehadsupposeditwould,andhisshadowedeyesheldamoresobermoodthanbefore.
“IfyouaskagainformyinterestinthegreatNorthAtlanticauk,”Ceciliasaid,“Iwillbeobligedtotellyouthebirdhasinfactbeenextinctforalmostfiftyyears.”
“Icouldhaveswornthiswindowopenedtoabedroom,”hesaid,brushinghishairbacktorevealamildfrown.
“Wearenotcommonrabble,tosleeponthegroundfloor.Idon’tknowyourname,foryouhavenotdoneusthecourtesyofleavingacallingcard,butIassumeitwouldinanycasebeanomdepirata.Iamalltooawareofyourkind.”
“Nodoubt,”hereplied,“sinceyouarealsomykind.”
Ceciliagasped.“Howdareyou,sir!”
“DoyoudenythatyouandyourauntbelongtotheWisteriaSocietyandsoareamongstthemostnotoriouspiratesinEngland?”
“Idon’tdenyit,butthatismyexactpoint.Wearefarsuperiortoyourkind.Furthermore,thesearenotappropriatebusinesshours.Wearetenminutesawayfromtakingluncheon,andyouhaveinconveniencedustwicenow.Pleaseremoveyourselffromthepremises.”
“But—”
“Iampreparedtouseagreaterforceofpersuasionifrequired.”Sheheldupthebone-handledletteropener,andhelaughed.
“Ohno,pleasedon’tprickme,”hesaidmockingly.
Ceciliaflickedaminusculelatchontheletteropener’shandle.Inaninstant,withahissofsteel,theletteropenerextendedtotheextremelyeffectivelengthofarapier.
Themansteppedback.“Isay,there’snoneedforsuchviolence.IonlywantedtowarnyouthatLadyArmitagehastakenoutacontractonyourlife.”
FromacrosstheroomcameMissDarlington’sdry,brusquelaugh.Ceciliaherselfmerelysmiled,andeventhenwithonlyonesideofhermouth.
“Thatishardlycauseforbreakingandentering.LadyArmitagehasbeentryingtokillmyauntforyearsnow.”
“Notyouraunt,”hesaid.“You.”
AdelicateflushwaftedbrieflyoverCecilia’sface.“I’mflattered.Shehasactuallyemployedanassassin?”
“Yes,”themansaidinadiretone.
“Anddoesthisassassinhaveaname?”
“EduardodeLuca.”
“Italian,”Ceciliasaid,disappointmentwitheringeachsyllable.
“Youneedtobeabitolderbeforeyoucanattractaproperassassin,mydear,”MissDarlingtonadvisedfromtheinterior.
Themanfrowned.“EduardodeLucaisaproperassassin.”
“Ha.”MissDarlingtonsatbackinherchairandcrossedheranklesinuncharacteristicallydissolutefashion.“IventuretoguessSignordeLucahasneveryetkilledanycreaturegreaterthanafly.”
“Andwhywouldyousaythat,madam?”themandemanded.
Shelookeddownhernoseathim,quiteafeatconsideringshewassomedistanceaway.“Arealassassinwouldhireasensibletailor.Andabarber.Andwouldnotattempttomurdersomeonefiveminutesbeforeluncheon.Closethewindow,Cecilia,you’llcatchconsumptionfromthaticydraft.”
“Wait,”themansaid,holdingoutahand,butCeciliaclosedthewindow,turnedthelatch,anddrewtogethertheheavyvelvetdrapes.
“DoyouthinkPleasancemightbereadysoonwithourmeal?”sheaskedasshemovedacrosstheroom—nottoherchair,buttothedoorleadingintothehall.
“Sitdown,Cecilia,”MissDarlingtonordered.“Aladydoesnotpaceinthisrestlessmanner.”
Ceciliadidasshewasbiddenbutupontakingupherbooklaiditdownagainwithoutaglance.Shebrushedataspeckofdustonhersleeve.
“Fidgeting.”MissDarlingtonsnappedouttheobservationandCeciliahastilyplacedbothhandstogetheronherlap.
“Maybetherewillbechickentoday,”shesaid.“PleasanceusuallyroastsachickenonTuesdays.”
“Indeedshedoes,”MissDarlingtonagreed.“However,todayisThursday.Whereareyourwits,girl?Surelyyouarenotinsuchhystericsoveramerecontractofassassination?”
“No,”Ceciliasaid.ButshebitherlipanddaredaglanceatMissDarlington.TheoldladylookedbackatherwithatraceofsympathysofaintitmighthaveexistedonlyinCecilia’simagination,wereCeciliatohavesuchathing.
“Theassassinwon’tactuallybeItalian,”sheassuredherniece.“Armitagedoesn’thavetheblunttoemployaforeigner.Itwillbesomejumped-upJohnnyfromtheTilburyDocks.”
ThisdidnotimproveCecilia’sspirits.Shetuggedunconsciouslyonthesilverlocketthathungfromablackribbonaroundherneck.Seeingthis,MissDarlingtonsighedwithimpatience.Herownlocketofsimilarforlornaspectrodethegraycrinolineswathingherbosom,andshewishedforamomentthatshemightspeakoncemorewiththewomanwhoseportraitandlockofgoldenhairrestedwithin.Butthen,Cillawouldhaveevenlesspatienceforasulkingmaiden
“Lamb,”shesaidwithaneffortatgentleness.Ceciliablinked,hereyesdarkeningtoawistfulorphanblue.MissDarlingtonfrowned.“Ifit’sThursday,”sheelaborated,“luncheonwillbelamb,withmintsauceandboiledpotatoes.”
“Yes,you’reright,”Ceciliasaid,pullingherselftogether.“Alsopeas.”
MissDarlingtonnodded.Itwasasatisfactoryendtothematter,andshecouldhaveleftitthere.Afterall,onedoesnotwanttoencouragetheyoungergenerationtoomuch,lesttheylosesightoftheirproperplace:underone’sthumb.Shedecided,however,totakepityonthegirl,havingherselfoncebeenashigh-spirited.“Perhapstomorrowtheweatherwillbebetterfitforsomeperambulation,”shesaid.“Youmightgotothelibrary,andafterwardgetabunfromSallyLunn’s.”
“Butisn’tthatinBath?”
“Ithoughtachangeofscenerymightdousgood.Mayfairisbecomingaltogethertoorowdy.Weshallflythehousedownthisafternoon.ItwillbeachancetogivePleasancearefreshercourseontheflightincantation’slaststanza.Hervowelsarestilltooflat.Approachingthegroundwithone’sfrontdooratathirty-degreeangleisrathermoreexcitementthanonelikesforanafternoon.Andyes,IcanseefromyourexpressionyoustillthinkIshouldn’thavesharedtheincantation’ssecretwithher,butPleasancecanbetrusted.Granted,shedidflythatbookshopintotheSerpentinewhentheytoldhertheydidn’tstockanyDickensnovels,butthatonlyshowsapraiseworthyenthusiasmforliterature.She’llgetussafelytoBath,andthenyoucantakeanicestrollamongtheshops.Maybeyoucanbuysomeprettylaceribbonsoranewdaggerbeforegettingyouricedbun.”
“Thankyou,Aunty,”Ceciliaanswered,justasshewassupposedto.InfactshewouldratherhavegonetoOxford,orevenjustacrosstheparktovisittheNaturalHistoryMuseum,buttosuggesteitherwouldriskMissDarlingtonreversingherdecisionaltogether.Soshesimplysmiledandobeyed.Therefollowedamoment’spleasantquiet.
“Althougheatonlyhalfthebun,mindyou,”MissDarlingtonsaidasCeciliatookupHiawathaandtriedyetagaintofindherplaceamongthereedsandwaterlilies.“Wedon’twantyoufallingillwithcholera.”
“Thatisadiseaseofcontaminatedwater,Aunty.”
MissDarlingtonsniffed,notlikingtobecorrected.“AbakeruseswaterI’msuretomakehiswares.Onecanneverbetoocareful,dear.”
“Yes,Aunty.‘Thelevelmoonstaredathim,inhisfacestaredpaleandhaggard,’til—’?”
Crash!
Thetwowomenlookedoveratthewindowasitshattered.Agrenadetumbledontothecarpet.
Ceciliaexpelledasighoftedium.Shesnappedthebookshut,wendedherwaythroughthefurnishings,pulledbackthedrapes,anddepositedthegrenadethroughthebrokenwindowpaneontotheterrace,whereitexplodedinaflashofburninglight,brickshards,andflutteringlavenderbuds.
“Ahem.”
CeciliaturnedtoseePleasancestandinginthedrawingroomdoorway,pluckingaglasssplinterfromoneofthedarkcurlsthathabituallyescapedherwhitelacecap.
“Excusetheinterruption,misses,butIhavenews,”shedeclaredintheportentoustonesofayoungwomanwhospenttoomuchtimereadingluridGothicfictionandconsortingwiththefigmentsofhermelodramaticimagination.“Luncheonisserved.”
MissDarlingtonpushedherselfupfromthechair.“Pleasearrangeforaglaziertocomeassoonaspossible,Pleasance.WeshallhavetousetheLilacDrawingRoomthisafternoon,althoughIprefertokeepitforentertainingguests.Theriskfromthatbrokenwindowissimplytoogreattobear.Myowndearcousinnearlydiedofpneumoniaundersimilarcircumstances,asyouknow.”
Ceciliamurmuredanagreement,althoughsherecalledthatCousinAlathea’sillness,contractedwhileattemptingtoflyacottageinahurricane,hadlittlerealconsequenceotherthanthelossofachimney(andfivecrewmembers)—AlatheacontinuingoninrobusthealthtomaraudthecoastlineforseveralmoreyearsbeforelosingaskirmishwithLordVesbry’spetalligatorwhileholidayingintheSouthofFrance.
MissDarlingtontappedapathacrosstheroomwithhermahoganycane,butCeciliapaused,twitchingthedrapesslightlysoastopeerthroughjaggedglassandsmokeatthegarden.Theassassinwasleaningbackagainsttheironrailingsofthehouseacrossthestreet.HenoticedCeciliaandtouchedonefingertohistempleinsalutation.Ceciliafrowned.
“Don’tdawdle,girl,”MissDarlingtonchastised.Cecilialoweredthecurtain,adjustingitslightlysoithungstraight,andthenfollowedheraunttowardthediningroomandtheirThursdaylambroast.
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INDIAHOLTONlivesinNewZealand,whereshehasenjoyedthetypicalKiwilifestyleofwanderingaroundforests,livingbarefootonislands,andmessingaboutinboats.Nowshelivesinacottagenearthesea,writingbooksaboutunconventionalwomenandcharmingrogues,anddrinkingfartoomuchtea.
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