AlsobyKateeRobert
DarkOlympus
NeonGods
ElectricIdol
ThankyoufordownloadingthisSourcebookseBook!
Youarejustoneclickawayfrom…?Beingthefirsttohearaboutauthorhappenings?VIPdealsandsteals?Exclusivegiveaways?Freebonuscontent?Earlyaccesstointeractiveactivities?SneakpeeksatournewesttitlesHappyreading!CLICKHERETOSIGNUPBooksChangeLives
Copyright?2022byKateeRobert
Coverandinternaldesign?2022bySourcebooks
CoverdesignbyDawnAdams/Sourcebooks
Coverimage?Fugacar/GettyImages
SourcebooksandthecolophonareregisteredtrademarksofSourcebooks.
Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthisbookmaybereproducedinanyformorbyanyelectronicormechanicalmeansincludinginformationstorageandretrievalsystems—exceptinthecaseofbriefquotationsembodiedincriticalarticlesorreviews—withoutpermissioninwritingfromitspublisher,Sourcebooks.
Thecharactersandeventsportrayedinthisbookarefictitiousorareusedfictitiously.Anysimilaritytorealpersons,livingordead,ispurelycoincidentalandnotintendedbytheauthor.
Allbrandnamesandproductnamesusedinthisbookaretrademarks,registeredtrademarks,ortradenamesoftheirrespectiveholders.Sourcebooksisnotassociatedwithanyproductorvendorinthisbook.
PublishedbySourcebooksCasablanca,animprintofSourcebooks
P.O.Box4410,Naperville,Illinois60567–4410
(630)961-3900
sourcebooks.com
Cataloging-in-PublicationDataisonfilewiththeLibraryofCongress.
Contents
FrontCover
TitlePage
Copyright
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
ExcerptfromRadiantSin
1
Acknowledgments
AbouttheAuthor
BackCover
Toeveryonewhoprefershappilyeverafterstotragedies.
1
Helen
“Iamsofuckinglate,”Imutterundermybreath.ThehallwaysofDodonaTowerareblessedlyempty,butthatonlymakestheclocktickingdowninsidemyheadworse.Tonightisthenighteverythingchanges.ThenightwhenIstopbeingapawninotherpeople’sgamesandfinallygaintheagencyI’vecravedeversinceIwasalittlegirl.
AndIcan’tbelieveI’mfuckinglate
Ipickupmypace,barelymanagingtoresisttheurgetorun.ShowingupoutofbreathandflusteredtoanOlympuspartyisevenworsethanshowinguplate.Appearancesmatter.It’sbeenalongtimesinceOlympusexperiencedanythingresemblingtraditionalwarfare,buteveryday,littlebattlesarefoughtandwonusingthemostmundanethings.
Acarefullydesigneddress.
Asweetwordhidingapoisonoussting.
Amarriage.
Iduckintotheelevatorthatwilltakemeuptotheballroomfloorandbarelyresisttheurgetobounceonmytoeswithimpatience.Normally,Iwouldn’tgiveadamnaboutanyofthis.Imakepettyrebellionsanartform.
Tonightisdifferent.
Tonight,mybrotherPerseus—Zeus,now—ismakinganannouncementthatwillchangeeverything.
Lessthanaweekago,Arespassedaway.Itwashardlyunexpected—themanwasoldasdirtandhadbeenknockingonthedoorstotheunderworldforthreemonths—butit’sopenedupanopportunitythat’susuallyonlyseenonceageneration.OftheThirteen,Aresaloneisopentoabsolutelyanyone.Aperson’shistory,connections,financesdon’tmatter.Youdon’tevenhavetobeOlympian.
Yousimplyhavetowin.
Threetrials,alldesignedtocullthewheatfromthechaff,andthelastpersonstandingstepsuptobecomeAres.OneofthethirteenpeoplewhocreatetherulingbodyinOlympus.Eachhandlesaspecificpartofkeepingthecityrunningsmoothly,butmoreimportantlytome,noonecancompelanyofthemtotakeanactiontheydon’twantto.
NotevenZeuscanforcethehandofanothermemberoftheThirteen—oratleastthat’sthetheory.Myfatherneverpaidattentiontothosesortsofniceties,andIdoubtmybrotherwillnowthathe’sinheritedthetitle.Itdoesn’tmatter.IfI’mAres,I’mnolongerdaughtertooneZeus,sistertoanother,aspoiledprincesswithnorealvaluebeyondherprettyfaceandfamilyconnections.
BecomingAreswillsetmefree.
Theelevatordoorsopen,andIhurryinthedirectionoftheballroom.Thelonghallwayhaschangedsincethelastparty,thedour,darkdrapesthathungfloortoceilingoneithersideofthedoorsreplacedwithanairywhitefabricthathassilverthreadedthroughit.It’sstillnotwelcoming,butit’ssignificantlylessoppressive.
I’mcuriouswhomadethatdesigncall,becausePerseussureasfuckdidn’t.SincehesteppedupasZeusafterourfather’sdeath,theonlythingmyoldestbrothercaresaboutisrunninghisbusinessandrulingOlympuswithanironfist.
Oratleasttryingto.
“Helen.”
Istopshort,butrecognitionbringsarelievedsmiletomyface.“Eros.Whatareyoudoingoutherelurkingintheshadows?”
Hestepsforwardandholdsupatinyjeweledbag.“Psycheforgotherpurse.”Heshouldlookridiculousholdingthepurse,especiallyconsideringtheviolencethosehandshavedone,butEroshasahabitofmovingthroughlifeasifhe’suntouchable.Noonewoulddaresayawordandheknowsit.
“Whatagoodhusbandyouare.”Itakethelastfewstepsandpressaquickkisstoeachofhischeeks.Ihaven’tseenhimmuchinthelastcouplemonths,buthelooksgood.ErosisoneofthemostgorgeouspeopleinOlympus—whichissayingsomething—awhiteguywithcurlyblondhairandafacetomakepaintersweepatitsperfection.“Marriagesuitsyou.”
“Moreandmoreeveryday.”Hisgazesharpens.“You’vepulledoutallthestopstonight.”
“Doyoulikethedress?”Ismoothmyhandsdownmygown.It’sacustompiece,thegoldenfabricmoldedtomybodyfromshoulderstohipsbeforeflaringouttheslightestbit.It’sheavywithasubtlepatternthat’sdesignedtocatchthelightwitheverymove.AdeepVdipsbetweenmybreasts,andtheshouldershavebeenshapedintosharppointsthatgivetheslightestimpressionofmilitarybearing.“It’sashowstopper,asmymotherwouldhavesaid.”
Iignorethetwingeinmychestatthethought,justasIalwaysdowhenmymindtriestolingeronthewomanwhodiedfartooyoung.She’sbeengonefifteenyears,havingsufferedamysteriousfallwhenIwasfifteen.Mysterious.Right.AsifallofOlympusdidn’tsuspectthatmyfatherwasbehindit.
AsifIdidn’tknowitforcertain.
Pushingthisthoughtawayissecondnature.Itdoesn’tmatterwhatsinsmyfathercommitted.He’sdeadandgone,justlikemymother.Ihopehe’sbeensufferinginthepitsofTartarussincehedrewhislastbreath.WhenIthinkofhisdeath,allIfeelisrelief.Hediedbeforehecouldmarrymeofftosecuresomebullshitalliance,beforehecouldcauseevenmoreofthepainheseemedtoenjoyinflictingsomuch.
No,Idon’tmissmyfatheratall.
“She’dbeproudofyou.”
“Maybe.”Iglanceoverhisshoulderatthedoors.“Maybeshe’dbefuriousoverwhatI’mabouttodo.”Rocktheboat?Fuck,I’mabouttotiptheboatrightover.
Erosdoesn’tmissabeat.Hisbrowsriseandheshakeshishead,lookingrueful.“Soit’sAresforyou.Ishouldhaveknown.You’vebeenmissingalotofpartieslately.Training?”
“Yes.”Ibracemyselfforhisdisbelief.Wemightbefriends,butwe’refriendsbyOlympusstandards.ItrustErosnottoslideaknifebetweenmyribs.Hetrustsmenottocausehimunduetroubleinthepress.Wehangoutonaregularbasisateventsandpartiesandoccasionallytradefavors.Idon’ttrusthimwithmydeepestsecrets.It’snothingpersonal.Idon’ttrustanyonewiththatpartofme.
Ontheotherhand,everyoneinOlympuswillknowmyplansveryshortly.
Isquaremyshoulders.“I’mgoingtocompetetobecomethenextAres.”
“Damn.”Hewhistlesunderhisbreath.“You’vegotyourworkcutoutforyou.”
He’snottellingmehethinkshecan’tdoit,butIwiltalittleallthesame.Ididn’treallyexpectenthusiasticsupport,butbeingconstantlyunderestimatedneverfailstosting.“Yes,well,I’dbettergetinthere.”
“Holdon.”Hesurveysme.“Yourhairisalittlelopsided.”
“What?”Iliftmyhandandtouchmyhead.Ican’ttellwithoutamirror.Damnit,I’mgoingtobeevenlater,butit’sstillbetterthanwalkingintothatroomoutofsorts.
Istarttoturninthedirectionofthebathroombacktowardtheelevators,butEroscatchesmyshoulder.“Igotit.”HeopensPsyche’spurseanddigsaroundforafewseconds,pullingoutanevensmallerbag.Inside,thereisabunchofbobbypins.Eroshuffsoutalaughatmyincredulousexpression.“Don’tlooksosurprised.Ifyouhadapurse,you’dhavebobbypinsstashed,too.Now,holdstillandletmefixyourshit.”
Shockrootsmeinplaceashecarefullyfixesmyhair,securingitwithhalfadozenbobbypins.Heleansbackandnods.“Better.”
“Eros.”Igentlytouchmyhairagain.“Sincewhendoyoudohair?”
Heshrugs.“Ican’tdomorethandamagecontrol,butitsavesPsychesometroublewhenwe’reoutifIcanhelplikethis.”
Gods,he’ssoinloveitmakesmesick.I’mhappyforhim.Truly,Iam.ButIcan’thelpthejealousythatcurlsthroughme.It’snotaboutEros—he’smorebrothertomethananythingelse—butattheintimacyandtrustheshareswithhiswife.TheonetimeIthoughtImighthavethat,itblewupinmyface,andIstillweartheemotionalscarsfromthefallout.
Imanageasmile,though.“Thanks.”
“Knock’emdead,Helen.”Hisgrinissharpenoughtocut.“I’llberootingforyou.”
Idraginaslowbreathandturnforthedoor.SinceI’mlate,Imightaswellmakeanentrance.Istraightenmyspineandpushbothdoorsopenwithmoreforcethannecessary.PeoplescatterasIstepintotheroom.Ipause,lettingthemlookatmeandtakingtheminatthesametime.
ThisroomhaschangedsincePerseusinheritedthetitleofZeus.Oh,thespaceisstillfunctionallythesame.ShiningwhitemarblefloorsthatIcanbarelyseebeneaththecrowd,anarchingceilingthatgivestheimpressionoftheballroombeingevenlargerthanitis,themassivewindowsandglassdoorsthatleadouttothebalconyontheothersideoftheroom.Butitstillfeelsdifferent.Thewallsusedtobecream,butnowthey’reacoolgray.Asubtlechange,butitmakesadifference.
Mostnotably,thelarger-than-lifeportraitsoftheThirteenthatlinethewallshavedifferentframes.Gonearethethickgoldframesthatmyfatherfavored,replacedbyfinelycraftedblack.Iwouldhavetogetclosertoverify,buteachlooksliketheymightbecustom,uniquetoeachmemberoftheThirteen.
Perseusdidn’tmakethesechanges,either.I’mcertainofit.Ourfathermighthavebeenobsessiveabouthisimage,butmybrotherdoesn’tgiveafuck.Evenwhenheshould.
Istartthroughthecrowd,holdingmyheadhigh.
Normally,IcanidentifyeverysinglepersonwhoattendsaDodonaTowerparty.Informationiseverything,andIlearnedfromaveryyoungagethatit’stheonlyweaponI’mallowed.Somepeoplemeetmygaze,othersstareatmybodyinawaythatmakesmyskincrawl,andstillothersallbutturntheirbacksonme.Nosurprisesthere.BeingaKasiosinOlympusmighthaveitsperks,butitmeansbeingbornintogenerations-oldgrudgesandpoliticking.Igrewuplearningwhocouldbetrusted—noone—andwhowouldactuallyshovemeintotrafficifgivenhalfachance—morepeoplethaniscomforting.
Butthispartyisn’taregularone,andtonightisnotaregularnight.Nearlyhalfthefacesarenewtome,peoplewhohavearrivedfromtheoutskirtsaroundOlympusorbeenferriedintothecitybyPoseidonforthisspecialoccasion.Idon’tstopmovingtomemorizefaces.Noteveryoneherewillbenominatingthemselvesaschampions;plentyofthemarejustlikethemajorityofthepeopleherefromOlympus.Hangers-on.Theydon’tmatter.
Idon’tpickupmypace,movingatasteadystalkthatforcespeopletogetoutofmyway.ThecrowdpartsformejustlikeIknowitwill,whispersfollowinginmywake.I’mmakingascene,andwhilehalfofthemlovemeforit,therestresentme.
Everyonehaspulledoutallthestopstonight.Inonecorner,mysisterEris—Aphrodite,asofthreemonthsago—islaughingatsomethingwithHermesandDionysus.Mychestgivesapang.Iwouldlikenothingmorethantobewiththemnow,justlikeIamateveryotherparty.MysisterandmyfriendsarewhatmakeslivinginOlympusbearable,butthelastfewmonthshavedrivenhomethenewdifferencesbetweenus.Itwasn’tsonoticeablewhenEriswasstillEris,butnowthatshe’salsooneoftheThirteen…
I’mgettingleftbehind.BeingsistertoZeusandAphrodite,friendtoHermesandDionysus?Itdoesn’tmeanshit.I’mstillapiecetobemovedaroundonsomeoneelse’sboard.
BecomingAresismyonlyopportunitytochangethat.
IcatchsightoftheDimitriouclanintheoppositecorner,Demeterwiththreeofherfourdaughters,aswellasHades,husbandtoPersephone.Likeeveryoneelse,they’redressedtoperfection.ThefactthatHadesandPersephonearehereonlyspotlightstheimportanceofwhat’stocome.EverymemberoftheThirteenispresenttostandwitnesstotheceremonialannouncementofthetournamenttoreplaceAres.Erosappearsathiswife’sside,andthewayherfacelightsupatthesightofhim…Iturnaway.
Thethroneismydestination.
Well,thepairofthrones—twomorechangesourshiftinleadershiphascaused.Goneisthegaudygoldmonstrosityourfatherusedtolove,replacedwithasteelsculpturethat’sattractivebutohsocold.KindoflikePerseushimself.
Thesecondthroneisadaintierversionofhis.CallistoDimitriousitsonit,abeautifulwhitewomanwithlongdarkhairdressedinanelegantblackgown.She’sstaringateveryonegatheredbelowherasifshe’dliketoshoveeachoneofusthroughthehugeglassdoorsthathavebeenopenedtoletinthebalmyJuneeveningair.Idoubtshe’dstopthere,though.Morelikely,she’dlovetoseeustossedrightoverthebalcony.
Whymybrotherchosehertobehiswife,tobecomeHera,isamysterytoeveryoneinOlympus.Theycertainlydon’tseemtolikeeachother.TheirmarriagereeksofDemeter’smeddling,butnomatterhowIdigorpry,I’veneverbeenabletofindaproperanswer.Isupposeitdoesn’tmatterwhyPerseusmarriedher,onlythathedid.
Idropintoaquickcurtsythatalmostmanagestobepolite.“Zeus.Hera.”
Mybrotherleansforwardandnarrowsacoldlookinmydirection.WhileErisandItakeafterourmother’scoloring,Perseusisallourfather.Blondhair,blueeyes,paleskin,andaruggedlyattractiveface.Ifheputanyeffortbehinditatall,he’dbegood-lookingenoughtocharmthewholeroom.Unfortunately,mybrotherneverexcelledatthattypeofskillthesamewaytherestofmyfamilydoes.
NotHercules.HewasasbadatplayingthegameasPerseus.
Ishovethethoughtaway.There’snousethinkingaboutHercules,either.He’sgone,andasfarasmostofOlympusisconcerned,hemightaswellbedead.No,that’snotright.Peopletalkaboutthedead.TheypretendHerculesneverexistedinthefirstplace.ImisshimnearlyasmuchasImissmymother
“You’relate.”Perseusdoesn’tlifthisvoice,buthedoesn’thaveto.Thepeoplenearestushavegonequiet,tensewiththepossibilityofseeingKasiosfamilydramaplayout.Ican’tresentthemforthat.I’vegiventhemplentyoffodderforgossipovermythirtyyears.
“Sorry.”Ievenmeanit.“Timegotawayfromme.”Thetemptationtooverprepareisn’tusuallyoneIfallvictimto,butthere’snothingusualaboutthissituation.
Perseusshakeshisheadslightly,hisgazetrackingtherestoftheroom.“I’mmakingtheannouncementsoon.Don’twanderoff.”
Ibristle,butthere’snopointintakingitpersonally.Perseustalkstoeveryoneasthoughthey’reasmallchildoradog;hehassincewewerelittle.Imightunderstandthatit’sjustthewayheis,buthispreferredmethodofcommunicationisalreadybreedingresentmentamongOlympus’selite.
That’snotmyproblem,though.Nottonight.Igivehimabrightsmile.“Ofcourse,dearbrother.Iwouldn’tdreamofit.”Aftertheannouncement,peoplewillhaveachancetoputtheirnamesforwardtobecomechampions,whichwillenterthemintothetournamentforAres’stitle.Thewindowtoputanameforwarddoesn’ttechnicallycloseuntildawn,butfromwhatIunderstand,it’srarefortheretobelatecomers,soIwanttomakesureI’monhandtogetmynameinbeforeanyonecanthinktostopme.
Iturntostudytheroom,thoughIcanfeelmybrotherwatchingme.ProbablyworriedI’mgoingtoembarrasshimfurther.Anothernight,Imightevenseethatasachallenge,butrightnow,Ihavemyeyesontheprize.Iwillnotbediverted.
Aftertonight,everyonewillknowthatI’maforcetobereckonedwith.
Itdoesn’ttakelongfortherestoftheThirteentodriftover,takinguppositionsoneithersideofmybrotherandCallisto—Hera.Shelooksboredwiththiswholeprocess,butshe’stheonlyone.Acurrentofexcitementsurgesthroughtheroom.IknowPerseusjustwantsstabilityforOlympus,butthisfanfarewillbemorethanthatforthecity.Itwillgivethemsomethingtocheerfor,aneventtoraisecivilianmorale—somethingthathaswaveredrecently
TheThirteenmightruleOlympus,butultimatelytheyareonlyahandfulofpeople.Withoutthesupportofthegreaterpopulation,thatpowerisinnameonly.Therehasonlybeenanuprisingonceinourhistory,afewgenerationsbackafterawarbetweentheThirteendecimatedthecity,butitwasbrutalenoughforustoknowweneverwantittohappenagain.
ThingsworkbestwhenthecurrentmembersoftheThirteenplaythecelebritygame.Whensomeonetakesoveranewtitle,theydecidehowtheywanttocrafttheirimageandrunwithit.Some—likeDemeter,thelastAphrodite,Hermes,andDionysus—gohard,usingpublicopiniontofurthertheirrespectivegoals.PoseidonandHadeshaveneverplayedthegame,though.Hadesbyvirtueofnooneonthissideoftheriverknowingheexisteduntilrecently.PoseidonbecausehegarnersenoughgoodwillbybeingoneofthefewwhocancomeandgoacrossthebarrierthatsurroundsOlympusfreely,whichmeansheimportsanythingindustryinthecitycan’tcreateforitself.
AbunchofnewmembersoftheThirteeninashorttimemeansuncertainty,andinuncertaintimes,anythingispossible.Evenrevolution.
Mybrotherwilldoanythingtoensurethatdoesn’thappen.
Thecrowdpressescloser,andIanglemyselfawayfromthefrontofit,shiftingclosetowhereDionysusstands.He’sawhitemanaboutmyagewithshortdarkhairandatrulyimpressivemustachethathe’sgrownoutjustenoughtocurveitupateithersideofhismouth.Itshouldlookridiculous,butit’sDionysus.Hemakesridiculousanartisticstatement,fromhispeppyattitudetohisbrightlycoloredsuit.Hegrinsatme.“Readyforthis?”
Mystomachistwistedintohalfamillionknots,butIsmileback.“Ofcourse.There’sboundtobedrama,andyouknowhowIlovethat.”Iwillbethedramashortly.
AlightoverPerseusbrightensasthecameracrewtakesuppositionsacrossfromhim.Thiseventwillbebroadcasttothegreatercity,whichmeanstheimpressionschampionsmake,startingnow,arevital.Aresdoesn’ttechnicallyneedciviliansupporttodotheirjob,butbeingpopularwiththecitizenshelpssmooththeway.
Mybrotherstraightenstohisfeet.Hedoesn’thavethecommandingpresenceourfatherdid,buthedoeshavetheabilitytomakeitseemlikehe’slookingrightintoaperson’ssoul.Heusesthatnow,hisicygazeshiftingoverthepeoplegatheredbeforelandingonme.Somethingflaresthere,somethingIdon’trecognize,buthemovesonbeforeIcanidentifyit.
“Youallknowwhywe’rehere.”Hedoesn’traisehisvoice,buthedoesn’thaveto.MysiblingsandIweretrainedtospeakinpublicfromaveryyoungage.Tobeperfectsymbolsofourperfectfamilyline.“We’reheretohonorthepassingofAres.Heservedthetitlefornearlysixtyyears,andhe’sgonefartoosoon.”Nicewords.Meaninglesswords.ThelastAreswas,quitefrankly,adick.
Perseusturnstotheotherpartoftheroom.“Tonight,webegintheprocessoffindingournextAres.Traditionstatesthatthreetrialswillbeissued,thefirstofwhichyou’llknowintwodays’time.ThewinnerofthethreechallengeswillbecomethenextAres.”Aweightedpause.Again,thatstrangelookpassesoverhisface.
It’stheonlywarningIget.
Perseuslooksatme,somethingakintosympathyinhisblueeyesashesealsmyfate.“AndmarrymysisterHelen.”
2
Achilles
“Toldyouso,”Patroclusmurmurs.
Idon’thavetolookathimtoknowwhathe’sthinking.Ialwaysknowwhathe’sthinking.Namely,toodamnmuch.Atleastthefawninggroupiesthatdescendedthemomentwewalkedthroughthedoorearlierhavedispersednowthattheshowisunderway.It’sarelief;Icanturnthecharmonwhenitsuitsme,butthisshitisexhausting.
ThelastAresneverworriedaboutplayingtothepublic.Hewasarightoldbastard,andhedidn’tcareifeveryoneknewit.Idon’tknowifhestartedoutthatwaywhenhetookthetitle,butbytheend,everyonehatedhim.Evenhisownpeople.
It’snothowAthenaoperates,andIlearnedeverythingofvalueIknowfromher.Bettertousehoneythanvinegar,bettertogetsomeonetodowhatyouwantwithalittlemanipulationthanbybashingthemovertheheadwithwhateverweaponisclosestathand.Arescouldhaveusedafewofherlessons,buthewasthetypeofguywhoputhimselfonapathanddidn’tdeviate.
ThingsaregoingtochangewhenI’mincharge.
Zeusisstilltalking,spinningawholelotofbullshitabouttradition.Olympusisuptoitstitsintradition.It’stheirexcuseforeverything,alineofreasoningthatconvenientlytakestheresponsibilityfromthepeopleactuallydoingtheactions.
“Yeah,”Imutter.“Youdon’tneedtosayit,though.IwasalreadyhearingtheI-told-you-soloudandclear.”Patroclushadbeensurethetitlewouldcomewithawife.It’sbeenalongtimesincethistitlepassedover,soIhadmydoubts,butoneofPatroclus’smanyskillsisgatheringalltheavailableinformationandrunningscenariosuntilhefindsthemostlikelyone.Itmakeshimirritatingasfucktobearoundsometimes,buthe’sbrilliant.
Iglancearoundtheroom.Nooneseemsparticularlysurprisedbytheannouncement,soeithertheydidtheirresearchlikePatroclusortheyhaveexcellentpokerfaces.
Hemovescloser,pressinghisshouldertomine.He’sfrowning,thatbigbrainofhisworkingovertime.“Ididn’texpectittobeHelen,though.Ididn’texpectAphroditetochooseher.”
“Yeah.”EventhoughIknowbetter,mygazetrackstothewhitewomanstandinginanemptycircle,asifthepeoplearoundherinchedawaytoavoidbeingassociatedwithwhathappensnext.Icanonlyseeherprofile,butit’senough.
TocallHelenbeautifulistheunderstatementofthecentury.She’sflawless,thekindofperfectthatonlycomesaroundonceageneration.Herwholefamilyisfullofattractivebastards,butshe’sonanotherlevelentirely.She’salsoarecklesspartygirlwhoseexploitsareconstantlysplashedacrossthegossipsites.Shedoesn’tfollowthesamerulesastherestofus.She’snevergonehungryorhadtofightforanything.
Thewomanisaprincessinatower,andwhat’saprincessgoodforexceptbait?
Sheshifts,thesubtlestsquaringofhershoulders.Whensheturnstofacetheroom,shelookshappy…aslongasonedoesn’tstareintoherambereyes.They’reascoldasZeus’s.Shegivestheroomalittlefingerwave.“Luckyyou.”
Ascatteringoflaughs.NeitherInorPatroclusmakeasound.Iglanceathim.He’safewinchestallerthanmeandbuiltnaturallyleaner.Tonight,he’swearingtheglassesIlikesomuchandasuitthatIcan’thelpwantingtorumple.Themanisalwayssofuckingputtogether.Nothingfazeshim,becausebeforehetakesaction,he’salreadyrunhalfadozenscenarios.Surprisinghimisdamnnearimpossible.
Still.“Yousureaboutthis?”Imurmur.Hemayhaveexpectedawifetobeofferedaspartofthetradition,butHelencomplicatesthings.Mightaswellgetintobedwithasnakeandprayitdoesn’tsinkitsfangsintoyou.Itwillbite.That’swhatsnakesdo.Thewomanisloyaltoherfamilyandherfamilyalone.Beingmarriedtohermeanseveryinteraction,bothinandoutsideourhome,willbeabattlefield.She’saKasios.Shecan’tbetrusted.
“Thisistheonlyway.”
He’sright.Idon’tknowwhyI’mevenquestioningit.ThisiswhatI’vewantedsinceIwasoldenoughtorealizetheonlythingpeopleinOlympusrespectispower.GettingatasteofitasIclimbedtheranksbeneathAthena?Yeah,I’mwillingtosacrificeawholelottogetthattitle.“Thenwemoveforwardwiththeplan.”
Heglancesatme,handsomefacecompletelycalm,andgivesasubtlenod.Patroclusneverwantedtolead,letaloneclaimaspotasoneoftheThirteen,buthe’sgoingtoputhisnameforwardsohecanhelpmewinit.ThiswastheplanfromthemomentIdecidedonAres.Thefirsttwotrialsaredesignedtowhittledownthechampionsuntilonlyfiveremainforthefinalone.Alliancesaren’tunheardof,butI’mnotwillingtowagermysuccessontheunknown.WhichiswherePatrocluscomesin.He’llprovideanyassistancenecessarytoensureIreachthefinaltrial.I’mreasonablycertainIcoulddoitonmyown,butheinsisted.
Truthbetold,Ididn’tprotestthathard.Patroclushasbeenatmysidesincewemetateighteen.We’vehiteverymajormilestonesincethenasapair.ItwouldfeelwrongtocompeteandwinthetitleofAreswithouthimwatchingmyback.
Still.“Ifyou’resure.”
“I’msure.Stoptryingtogivemeanout.I’mcompeting.Endofstory.”Heturnsbacktostudythecrowd.“IhavefilesoneverysinglepossiblechampionfromOlympus.You’rethebest.Withmeatyourside,yourwinisallbutguaranteed.”
Mywin.BecomingAres.MarryingHelen.PatroclusandIhaveanunconventionalrelationship,atleastaccordingtosome,butIkeepwaitingfortheideaofmebeingmarriedtosomeoneelsetobotherhim.Itsureasfuckwouldbothermeifhemarriedsomeoneelse.Buthe’sasunruffledasalways.Itdrivesmeupthewall.“MarryingHelenKasiosisgoingtobeagiantpainintheass.”
Hegivesmeanotherofthosecensoringlooks.“Ares.”
Asifheneedstoremindme.I’dmarryaliteralfuckingharpyifitmeantbecomingoneoftheThirteen.Unfortunately,HelenKasiosisn’tfarofffromthat.She’saspoiledbratwho’salwaysgottenherway,andeventhroughherlyingsmile,Icanseeshe’sfuriousaboutthisdevelopment.She’llmakewhoeverwinsthisthingregretit,probablyfortherestoftheirlives.That’snotevengettingintothefactthatanyinformationshegleansfrommewillbefedrightbacktoZeus.
It’sasmartplayonhispart.WorthyofaplanPatrocluswouldputtogether.Ultimately,though,itdoesn’tmatter.IwillbecomeAres.I’lldealwithalltheothershitoncethetitleismine.
Movementonmyothersidemakesmeglanceover.Paris.He’saleanwhitedudewhoobviouslyspendsashittonofmoneyonhisappearance.It’sthereinthesmoothnessofhisskin,inhowperfectlystyledhisblondhairis.Toobadmoneycan’tbuyagoodpersonality;Parisisafuckingasshole.Allthegood-persongenesinhisfamilywenttohisolderbrother,Hector.
Hector,Ilikeandrespect.
ParisislookingatHelenlikeshe’sapieceofmeathecan’twaittoconsume.Idon’tmakeahabitofpayingtoomuchattentiontothegossipsites,butParisandHelen’sbreakupwasnastyenoughtomakeheadlinesforweeks.Nowthelittleshitispracticallyrubbinghishandstogetherwithglee.
Heglancesatmeandgrins.“Sorry,man,butshe’smine.Shecan’tsaynoifIbecomeAresandmarryher.”
Hectorstepsforwardonhisbrother’sothersideandslapshimupsidethebackofhisheadwithafamiliaritythatsayshe’sdoneitenoughtimesforittohavebecomemusclememory.“Don’tbecrude.”Henodsatme.“Achilles.”
“Hector.”HeusedtoheadoneofAres’ssquads,butafterhegotmarriedandhadababy,heendeduptransferringtoworkforanotheroftheThirteen,Apollo.Ihaven’tseenHectormuchintheyearssince,buthewasaformidablefighterwhenIknewhim.“How’sthekid?”
“Shetakesafterhermother.”Hegivesasmallsmile.“Ithankthegodseverydaythatshedidn’tgetmyuglymug.”
Hectorisgood-lookinginaruggedsortofwaywithhissandy-blondhairandkindeyes,buthe’sright;hewon’tbewinninganybeautycontestsanytimesoon.Igrinathim,completelyignoringParis.“Surelyyou’renotgoingtofight?Youalreadyhaveawife.Ithoughtyouwerehalfwaytoretiredatthispoint.”
Heshrugs.“Family.”
InodasifIhaveanyideawhathe’stalkingabout.MyonlyfamilyisPatroclusandthesquadweruntogether.Myparentsaremysteries.Apparentlytheydidn’twantakid,sotheyfollowedtheoldtraditionofleavingthebaby—me—onthetemplesteps.Igrewupinoneoftheorphanagesthat’sruninHera’sname,butIdon’tthinkanactualHerahassetfootinthemsincebeforeIwasborn.Ateighteen,IgotachoiceofworkingforAres,Poseidon,orDemeter.Really,itwasn’tmuchofachoiceatall.IwasagruntforAresforafewyearsbeforeAthenapluckedmeoutofobscurityandshowedmewhatgreatnesscanbe.
Iwasalwaysdestinedforthis.
“Now,it’stimeforthosewhowouldbeArestostepforward.”
ZeusstepsbackandmotionstothetallBlackwomanathisside.She’swearingasuitinsteadofagown,thepalegraysettingoffherwarmbrownskin,herblackhaircutshortonthesideswiththecurlslongeronthetop.Athena
Shesurveystheroomasifmeasuringeveryperson’sweaknesses.Knowingher,that’sexactlywhatshe’sdone.“Onceyouputyournameforward,theonlywayoutiseliminationorresignation.Whilethesetrialsaren’tmeanttobetothedeath…accidentshappen.Bewillingtosacrificeitall.”
ParisducksfromunderHector’shandandmovesforward.“I’mParisChloros.Iwillsacrificeitall.”
Ican’thelpit.IglanceatHelentoseeherreaction.Herpaleskinhasgonealittlegreenassheglaresatherex.Pariswinksatherasifhecan’tseethemurderinhereyes.IfhewinsAres,Idon’tlikehischancesofsurvivingtheweddingnight.
Itwon’tbeaproblem,becauseParisisn’tevenacontender.ThebiggerworryisHector,whostepsforwardandrepeatsthetraditionalphrase.Ajax—anotheroftheformerArescommandersandsomeoneIconsiderafriend—isnext.ThenaBlackwomanwithlocspulledbackfromherscarredface.HernameisAtalanta,andshe’slightenoughonherfeetthatIalreadyknowshe’llbequickasfuck.
Personafterpersoncomesforwardinanendlessstream.InotetheonesPatroclusexpectedandtheoneshedidn’t.Noneofthemmatter.Thereareafewactualcontendersbutmostlythey’repeoplefromtheelitefamiliesthatmoveintheextendedcirclesoftheThirteen.They’llattemptthetournamentbecausetheycan’taffordtoignoreachancetotakethetitle,buttheyaren’ttruethreats.
Awaveofmurmursrisesbehindme,andIglanceovermyshoulderastwomenstalkthroughthecrowd,peoplepracticallyscramblingoveroneanothertogetoutoftheirway.Theyhavesimilarcoloring—medium-brownskin,dark-redhair,darkeyes—andarebothevenlargerthanIam.“Bigbastards,”Imurmur.
Thetallerofthetwogivesmealookthat’seerilyemptyastheypassby.Theentireroomhasgonesilent,probablysensingthesamethingIdo—thesearetruepredatorsinourmidst.Evenmoreimportantly,they’restrangers
Theshorterofthetwostepsforwardfirstwithashowybow.“I’mTheseusVitalis,andI’mwillingtosacrificeitall.”
Athenaraisesabrow.“Newintown?”
“It’swithintheparametersofthecompetition.”
“I’mawareoftherules.”Sheglancesatthetallerone.“Andyou?”
“I’mtheMinotaur.”Hisvoicesoundslikesomeonehackedopenhisvocalcordsandthenpouredburningembersintothewound.
Athenagiveshimasharplook.“That’syourname?”
“Itservesitspurpose.”Hepausesbarelylongenoughforhertonodbeforecontinuing.“Iwillsacrificeitall.”
“Dangerous,”Patroclusmurmurs.
“Yeah.”IwaitforthemtomovetothesidebeforePatroclusandIstepforward.Ican’thelplookingatHelenagainasPatroclusspeaksthewordstobecomeachampion.She’sdoingashitjobofmaskingherexpression,andIhatethesympathythatIfeelinresponse.Sheobviouslydidn’tchoosethis.Fuck,sheobviouslydidn’tknowaboutitbeforeZeusmadehisannouncement.Thiswomanisnothingtome,butwhenIwinthetitleAres—andIwillwin—I’llensureshe’snotmistreated.Afterthewedding,Idon’tcarewhatshedoesorwhoshefucksaroundwithaslongasshestaysawayfrommeandPatroclus.It’sabetterdealthanshe’llgetfromanyoneelse.
Thenit’smyturntospeak,andIshoveallthoughtsofHeleneffortlesslyaway.“I’mAchillesKallis,andI’mwillingtosacrificeitall.”
Athenadoesn’tsmile,butapprovalwarmsherdarkeyes.It’saboutaseffusiveasshegets,anditmakesmefeelalittlestrangeinresponse.I’mnotsomeonewhoneedsoutsideapprovalforvalidation,butIrespectthefuckoutofAthena,andheropinionmatterstome.
Shewaitsseverallongmoments,butnooneelsestepsforward.Sheliftshervoicetobeheardineverycorneroftheroom.“Thedeadlineforputtingyournameforwardisdawn.Bestofluck.”
Thelightsbrightenslowly,signalingtheendofthepageantry.Thepartywillgoonforhours,butourreasontobehereisover.IturntoPatroclus.“Let’sgo.”
Forasecond,itseemslikehemightargue,butfinallyhenodsandturnswithmeforthedoor.Peoplegetoutofourway.I’vebeentothesekindsofpartiesahandfuloftimesintheyearssinceIwaspromotedtoAthena’ssecond-in-command,butshepreferstokeepherpeopleoutoftheviper’snest.Herwords,notmine.Idon’tseethebigdeal,butthenI’mnotonetobeswayedbyaprettyfaceorprettierwords.Iknowmyfate.
IholdthedooropenforPatroclus,andweexitintothelonghallwayleadingtotheelevatordown.He’sgotthatlookonhisface,andIinwardlyrollmyeyes.“Tellmeyou’renotworriedaboutthatgoldenprincess.”
“Ifeelbadforher.”Heshrugs,completelyunashamedofhisbleedingheart.“Itcan’tbethatcomfortablebeingsoclosetosomanymembersoftheThirteen.Herlifewasneverherown,notevenfrombirth.”
Thistime,Ican’tstopmyselffromrollingmyeyes.“Right.Poorlittleprincess,bornintotherichestfamilyinthecity,havingeverythingshecouldeverdreamofatthetipsofherfingers.She’sneverhadtofightforasinglethinginherlife.Notlikeme.Notlikeyou.”
“That’snotentirelytrue,atleastforme.Ifthingshadfallenoutdifferently,I’dbeAphrodite’sson.”
“It’sdifferent.”
“Ifyousayso.”Anothershrug.“Idon’thavethesameambitionyoudo,Achilles.WorkingforAthenaisjustajobforme.Italwayshasbeen.”
Ilovetheman,butsometimesIreallydon’tunderstandhim.Ifyou’renotfightingforsomething,you’regoingtogetusedasastepping-stoneforthepeoplewhoare.PatroclusisoneofthemostbrilliantpeopleIknow,buthe’stoosoft.Withoutmetowatchhisback,hewouldhavebeenfuckedoverdozensoftimessincewemeteachotherasteenagers.
Thenagain,withoutmeinhislife,Idon’tthinkhe’dbeinAthena’sspecialforces.Withhisloveofknowledgeandresearch,hemighthavegravitatedtoApollo’sbusinessesthesamewayHectordid.
Somethinglikeguiltslapsmeintheface,butIshoveitaway.WhenI’mAres,Patrocluswillbefreetodowhateverhedamnwellpleases.Withthatmuchpoweratmydisposal,thatmanyresources,hewon’thavetoworkatallifhedoesn’twantto.
Islinganarmaroundhisshouldersandpressaquickkisstohistemple.“Don’tworrysomuch.WhenI’mAres,I’lltakecareofbothofus.”Igrin.“Fuck,I’lltakecareofHelen,too,ifthatwillmakeyoufeelbetter.”Evenifsheisaspoiledbrat.
3
Helen
“Areyoufuckingkiddingme?”Idigmyfingersintothefabricofmydress.It’sdothatorpunchmybrotherinhisinfuriatinglysquarejaw.Nomatterhowsatisfyingitwouldbe,Ican’triskinjuringmyhand.NotifIwanttobeAres.ExcepthowthefuckcanIbeAreswhenPatroclusnamedmeAres’swife?“Youmademeaprizetobewon!Marriedofftoastranger!Withouteventalkingtome.”
ImanagedtoholdittogetheruntilthepartywrappedupandasmallgroupofusendedupinPerseus’soffice—me,Perseus,Eris,andCallisto.Me,Zeus,Aphrodite,andHera.Perseussitsbehindhislargedesk,lookingboredwithmytheatrics.ErishasonehipperchedonthedeskandissmilinginawayIreallydon’tlike.Ilovemysiblings.Ido.ButIcanneverforgetthatthey’refocusedonpowerandambitionbeforeallelse.Theyalwayshavebeen,evenbeforetheybecamemembersoftheThirteen.It’showwewereraised,afterall.
TheonlyexceptionwasHercules,andlookwhathappenedtohim.
Callistostandsinfrontofthefloor-to-ceilingwindows,seemingtobetotallycheckedoutoftheconversation.Orargument,moreaccurately.
Erisexamineshernails.“It’straditionforawifetobepartofArestakingthetitle.”
Somehow,inallmypreparation,Imissedthatlittledetail.IwassofocusedonwhatthetrialscouldbethatIneverbotheredtolookintotherest.ThelastAreshadseveralwivesoverthecourseofhistimeholdingthetitle.Itneveroccurredtomethatoneofthemwastheresultofhimgainingthetitleitself.“That’snoexcuse.Youcouldhavechosensomeoneelse.Youshouldhavechosenanyoneelse.Whydidithavetobeme?”
Perseussteepleshishandsbeforehismouth.“Becauseyou’reaKasios.”
Iflinch.Ididn’tasktobebornintothisfamily.Ididn’taskfortheconsequencesI’velivedwithmyentirelife.“SoI’mgoingtobepunishedforhavingourfather’sbloodinmyveins?”
“Stopbeingdramatic,Helen.”
Ihatehowpatronizinghesoundsrightnow.“No,fuckyou.Youdon’tknowwhatit’slike—”
Hepushesslowlytohisfeet,cuttingmeoff.“Idon’tknowwhatit’sliketo…Whatexactly?SacrificeinthenameoftheThirteen?Marryastrangerforthesakeofagreatergood?”Hedoesn’tlookatCallisto.“I’mnotaskinganythingofyouthatIhaven’talreadydonemyself.”
“Ididn’taskforthis,”Ifinallymanage.
“Don’tbeachild.You’renotspecial.Noneofusaskedforthis.”Heturnsforthedoor.“Youwerealwaysgoingtobemarriedoffinapowermatch.Youknowthis.”
Honestly,it’saminormiraclethatI’veavoidedittothispoint.Myfatherthoughttobreakmebeforeofferingmeupasapawntosomeoneelse,whichistheonlyreasonIhaven’thadaringshovedonmyfingerandbeencarteddowntheaisle.ButIdidn’texpectitfromPerseus
Sillyme.
Ofcoursemybrotherwouldneverletalittlethinglikemyhappinessgetinthewayofhisbottomline.Ourfathertaughthimtoowell.Hetaughtallofustoowell.EvenZeus,withhispettycruelty,protectedOlympusinhisownway.NoonecouldprotectOlympusfromhim,butatleastwedidn’thavetoworryaboutoutsideenemieswithhimonthethrone.“But—”
“TheThirteenaretoofractured,andwiththechangeovers,that’scausingunrest.Iwillbringthemalltoheel,onebyone,nomatterwhatittakes.YouwilldoyourpartbyinfluencingArestomyside.Exactlylikeyouweretaughtto.”
Thesideeffectofbeingdestinedforapoliticalmarriage?Itwouldn’tstopbeingpoliticalthemomentIsaid“Ido.”Iwillbewalkingatightropebetweenmyspouseandmyfamily,andgodsknowmyfamilymightnotbeperfect,buttheystillhavemyloyalty.Nomatterhowmuchitkillsmetodowhat’srequired.Whichmeansthere’sonlyoneansweravailabletome.“Iunderstand.”
“Good.”Heturnsandpinsmewithacoldlook.“Youwillbetheretomorrowduringtheopeningceremony,andyouwillsitnexttoAthenainaprettydressandinspirethecandidatestogreatness.Theyneedtoputonashowfortheages,andIneedyourhelpdoingit.It’syourduty,Helen.Youhaven’tforgottenthepriceofthelifewelive,haveyou?”
Shamelancesmeandit’severythingIcandonottobowmyshoulders.Nomatterhowawfulit’sbeengrowingupasoneofZeus’schildren,thefactremainsthatwhenitcametohavingmymaterialneedsmet,Iwantedfornothing.Thebestschools,thebestclothing,ahomeintheuppercity,movingthroughthecirclesoftherichandpowerful.AllofitwasbecauseofthefamilyIwasborninto.
But,asmybrotherlikestoremindme,thereisapricetobepaid.
Perseusisrightinaway;he’snotaskingmeforanythinghe’snotwillingtodohimself.HemarriedoneofDemeter’sdaughters,afterall.Nomattermybitching,evenIcanrecognizethatallianceasvaluable,evenifIdon’tfullyunderstandwhyithadtobeCallisto.Ofallofus,he’smostawareofthehorrifyinglegacywecarryinourblood,ofthesinsourfathercommittedwhilehewasZeus.Perseusisalreadygoingoutofhiswaytoensurehefollowsadifferentpath.Hemightaggravatemeintheextreme,butIcanrespectthatabouthim.
But…
Idon’twantthisresponsibility.Ididn’tchoosethis.
Itdoesn’tmatter.Iliftmychin,blinkingpasttheburninginmyeyes.IamaKasiosandKasiosesdon’tcry.“I’lldomyduty.”Whataremyotheroptions?Run?Theideaislaughable.TheonlywayoutofOlympusisatPoseidon’shand,andthere’snowayhe’llhelpme.Hedoesn’tlikeme,butmorethanthat,heknowshowvaluableIamtothiswholeplan.HelpingmemeansalienatingZeus,Aphrodite,andthenextAres,allinonesingleaction.ProbablyDemeter,too,thoughthatoneisn’tguaranteed.Perseusistoomeasuredtodoanythingsoreckless.
“DoIneedtoputoneofAthena’speopleonyou?”
Idrawmyselfup.“Absolutelynot.”
“Fine.Don’tmakemeregretthisdecision.”Henodsandthenhe’sgone,leavingmealonewithEris.
Erispushesoffthedesk.She’swearingaslinkygunmetal-silvergownandhasherlongdarkhairpulledbackinacomplicatedseriesoftwists.“Iknowthisisn’tideal,buthe’sright.AnewAresmeanswe’reintroducingawildcardintotheThirteen.WeneedyoutopavethewaytosecureanewZeus-Aresalliance.”
Ilovemysister.Alot.Butthatdoesn’tchangethefactthatlikeeveryoneelseinmyfamily,she’soutforOlympusfirst,herselfsecond,andeveryoneelsedeadlast.FamilymightrankhigherthanthegreaterOlympianpopulation,butnotbymuch.Shelovesme.She’sjustnotonetoletthatgetinthewayofdecisiveaction—andstirringthepoteverychanceshegets.“Youcouldhavechosensomeoneelse.Anyoneelse.”
Sheshrugs,asmallsmilepullingattheedgesofherlips.“You’llcomeoutontop,Helen.Youalwaysdo.”
Itiltmyheadbackandstareattheceiling.“Thatwasquitethebackhandedcompliment.”Myvoiceishighandtight.Ihavetoomuchcontroltothrowafitoverthisturnofevents,butIwantnothingmorethantothrowsomethingatmysister’ssmugface.“I’mveryangryatyourightnow.”
“You’llgetoverit.It’sdog-eat-doginthiscity,especiallyamongtheThirteen.Youknowthat.”
“Yeah,well,IwouldhavesecuredanairtightZeus-Aresallianceifyou’dletmebecomethenextAres.”
ShejoltslikeI’vesurprisedher.“Youcan’treallymeanyouconsideredsteppingforwardasacandidate.Ithoughtyougaveupthatridiculousnesswhenwewerestillchildren.”
Itshouldn’thurtsomuchthatmysisterdoesn’ttakemeseriously.Ofeveryone,I’dthinkshe’drealizemyambitionsgomorethanskindeep.ApparentlyIwaswrong.“Inevergaveitup.”
Shegivesatightsmile.“Honey,Iknowyoumeanwell,butlookatthechampions.Achilles,Hector,Atalanta,thosetwostrangers.They’rehugeandtheypracticallysweatviolence.That’snotevengettingintotheotherthirty-oddpeoplewhoputtheirnamesforward.You’re…”Shehesitates.“You’recapable,butyou’renowarrior,Helen.There’snowayyoucouldwin.”
Somehow,thisisworsethanthefactshehadn’ttakenmyambitionsseriously.Shehonestlydoesn’tthinkIcoulddoit.Mychesttriestoclose,andonlyyearsofpracticekeepmefrombuckling.“Iwouldhavewon.”
“Iguesswe’llneverknownow.”Erispressesherlipstogether,lookingalmostapologeticinawayshewasn’twhensheeffectivelysoldmeinmarriagewithoutaskingfirst.“I’msorry,Helen.Truly,Iam.Butyouknowhowitgoes.Olympuscomesfirst.Sometimesthatdemandssacrifice.”
“Keeptellingyourselfthat.You’renotsacrificingasingledamnthing.”I’msoangry,I’mshaking.Thetemptationtolettherageouthere,whenit’sjustfamilyinthisroom,isalmosttoostrongtoignore.It’sbeenmanyyearssinceIbrawledwithEris;thelasttimewaswhenwewereteenagers.Itwouldfeelsodamngoodtoletoffsomeofthishorriblefeelinginsideme.Thebetrayalliesthickonmytongue,threateningtochokeouteverythingelse
“Don’tmakethatface.It’sgoingtogiveyouwrinkles.Thiswillworkout,Helen.Trustus.”Sheturnsandstridesoutoftheoffice.Erisalwaysdidliketoleaveargumentsunfinished.
It’ssodamnnaiveofmetobelievemysiblingswouldtreatmedifferentlythanmyfatherintendedto.HelenKasios,princessofOlympus,destinedtomarrysomeonewhowillbringmorepowertoherfamily—asiftheyneedit.“Damnit.”Iforcemyhandstounclenchthefoldsofmydress.“Iwantedthetitlesofuckingbad.”
“Whynotdoitanyway?”Callisto’svoicecomesfromtheshadows,lowandalmostseductive.
Ijoltandspinaround,myheartracing.I’dcompletelyforgottenshewasintheroomwithus.Shemeltsoutoftheshadowsnearthewindowwhereshe’dbeenstanding,nearinvisible.Inherblackdresswithherdarkhair,shelookslikesomecreatureofthenightwhowanderedintothisofficebyaccident.Istillcan’tbelievemybrothermarriedher.IunderstandwantingtosettleDemeterandhersignificantpowerfirmlyonhisside,butsurelyEurydicewouldhavebeenabetterchoice.She’ssomuchsweeter;marryingherwouldmeanamuchlesstumultuouslife.
Thenagain,OlympuswouldeatEurydicealiveifshebecameHera.
“Ican’tdoitanyway.That’snothowthingswork.”
“Isn’tit?”Callistoexamineshernails.“I’mafanofaskingforforgivenessinsteadofpermission.That’swhatyourbrotherdid,afterall.Whynotgivehimatasteofhisownmedicine?”
Istare.“You’retryingtocausetrouble.”
“Olympusisnothingbuttrouble.”Somethingdangerousshiftsthroughhertone.She’snotentirelywrong,butthatdoesn’tmeanshe’sright,either.Hermother,Demeter,wonthetitleandbroughtherdaughtersintothecityproperalittleovertenyearsago.Inthattime,CallistohasmadeherderisionofeverythingconnectedwiththeThirteenknown.Beforeshemarriedmybrother,shedidn’tshowupforparties.Shedidn’tplaythegame.Shewasalwayswillingtosteptothelineandfight,nomattertheopponent.
Nowthatshe’sofficiallybecomeHera,Idon’tknowwhattomakeofher.
Icrossmyarmsovermychestandtrytocalmmyracingheart.Nomatterhowdangeroussheseems,she’sjustawoman,andI’vebeenplayingthisgamelongerthanshe’sbeeninthecityproper.Iinjectsomefalsecheerintomyvoice.“It’sreallysweetthatyou’retryingtobeasupportivesister-in-law,butIamnotabouttobecomeapawninwhatevergameyouandmybrotherhavegoingon.”
Callistogivesmealonglook,herhazeleyesdownrightpredatory.“Thishasnothingtodowithyourbrother.”
“Lovely.NowIhavesomesnakeoilI’dlovetosellyou.It’sgreatfortheskin.Practicallyafountainofyouth.”
Herlipscurve.“Regardlessofmymotivations,we’retalkingaboutyou.Istheresomerulethatsaysyoucan’tbebothprizeandchampion?”
Iconsiderher.Despitemybetterinstincts,I’mthinkingherwordsthrough.“I’dhavetocheck,butprobablynot.Theydon’thavearuleagainstitbecauseIdoubtitwouldhaveoccurredtoanyonetoevenattemptit.”IhatetolendanystrengthtoEris’sdoubtinme,but…“You’veseenthepeoplewhosteppedforward.That’salottocombat.”
Callistoshrugs.“IfyouwereplanningonmakinganattemptforAres,youalreadyintendedtofightthemandcomeoutontop.”
She’snotwrong,butitstillsoundslikeatrap.It’sjust…I’mnotsureIcare.IfIcompeteandwin,Iknockouttwobirdswithonestone.IbecomeAresandsuccessfullydodgebeingmarriedtosomeoneIdon’tknow.Despitemyself,IpictureParis’ssmarmyfaceleeringatmeashesteppedforwardearlier.Orbeingmarriedtothatman.IdodgedthatfateonceandI’mdeterminedtodoitagain.
Still,onethingdoesn’taddup.Icarefullywrapupmygrowingexcitementandinjectcoolnessintomytone.“Again,whatdoyouhavetogainfromsuggestingIdothis?”
Anothershrug.“MaybeIhaveathingagainstpeoplebeingforcedintomarriagestheydidn’tchoose.MaybeIwanttolivevicariouslythroughyoubecauseIwouldhavecompetedtobeAresifIweren’talreadyHera.MaybeIwanttostickittomylovelyhusbandinanywayIcan.Myreasoningsreallydon’tmatter,dothey?”Again,thatpredator’ssmile.“Youwanttocompete,Helen?Doit.Allthosefuckerswhothinkyou’rejustaprettyprizetobewon?Provethemwrong.”
Itfeelslikeshefiredanarrowrightintotheveryheartofme.Ican’ttrustthiswoman,sister-in-laworno.But…thatdoesn’tmeanherideaiswithoutmerit.“Youreallyhatemybrother,don’tyou?”
“IhatealloftheThirteen.”
“YouareoneoftheThirteen.”EvenifHerahasbecomeaweakenedtitlesincemyfatherbecameZeus.Overthecourseofhisthreewives—threeHeras—hestrippedthetitleofwhatinfluenceithaduntilitbecamenothingmorethananemptytermforZeus’sspouse.
“Yes.Iam.”
ThedooropensandPerseusstepsbackintotheroom.Hisgazejumpsfrommetohiswifeandbackagain.“Thereyouare.”
Hersmileisdownrightpoisonous.“JusthavingsomegirltalkwithHelen.”
Hedoesn’tcommentonthat,whichisjustaswell.“It’stimetoleave,Hera.”
“Ofcourse,Zeus.”Thewordsseempoliteenough,butfurylurksintheiredges.Sheturnstome.“Congratulationsonyourpendingnuptials,Helen.I’msureyou’llmakealovelypieceofarmcandyforthenextAres.”
Iwatchherstalkacrosstheroomtowardmybrother,andthesmallhairsatthebackofmyneckrise.ThiswomanismorepredatorthanmostoftheThirteen,andIcan’tshakethefeelingthatPerseusisgoingtogreatlyregretmarryingher.Forhispart,heturnseasilyandplaceshishandatthesmallofherback.Alwaysworriedaboutappearances,mybrother,evenwhennooneelseisheretowitnessthelieexceptme.
Ifollowthemoutoftheoffice,andwetaketheelevatordowntotheparkinggarage.Onlywhenwe’vewalkedwelloutofhearingrangeoftheguardnearthedoordoesPerseusspeak.“Donot,underanycircumstances,takeactiontoendangerthisprocess.Promiseme,Helen.”
DamnhimforthrowingthiscurveballatmeandthendemandingIpromisegoodbehavior.Damnhiswifeforusingcleverwordstopokeholesinmyalreadyshakydeterminationtodowhatmyfamilyasksofme.Ishakemyheadslowly.“Youknow,youreallydotakeafterourfather.”
Heflinches,abarelyperceptiblemovementthatinstantlyhasguiltsurgingthroughme.Itwasalowblow,andIdiditintentionallytohurthim.Inevermeantobeabitch,butsometimesthethornsinsidemesqueezetootightlyandhorriblethingsburstfrommylips.Wordsmeanttostriketotheveryheartofaperson.
PerseusnudgesCallistotowardhisSUV,andIwonderagainthathetoucheshersoeasily,asifhe’snotworriedaboutlosingahand.Surelyheseesthesharplookshesendsinhisdirectioneverytimehegetstooclose?
Hewaitsforhertoclimbintothepassengerseatbeforeturningtome.“Ideservedthat,butitchangesnothing.Promiseme,Helen.”
“Ipromise,”Iliewithouthesitation.Idon’tevenfeelguiltywhiledoingit.It’spracticallyalovelanguageinourfamily.
Hesearchesmyface,thecoldthawingforthebarestinstant.“WhoeverbecomesAreswilltreatyouwell.I’llensureit.”
Ilaughbitterly.“How?Areyougoingtosetupsurveillancetoensuremyspousedoesn’tabuseme?Please.”
“Yes.”
He’s…notjoking.Istare.“Andthenwhat,Perseus?Whatwillyoudoifyousentencedmetobemarriedtoamonster?”
“Itwon’tcometothat.You’retoosavvy,andmostofthechampionsrecognizethatharmingyouwouldalienateagoodportionoftheThirteen.”
Surelymyambitious,ruthlessbrothercan’tbethisnaive.“Most,butnotall.”
“Theunknownswon’twin,Helen.”
No,theywon’t.BecauseI’mgoingto.Theresolutiontakesrootinmychest,steadyingme.I’mgoingtobeAres.Still,Ican’thelppressing.Idon’tknowwhatI’mlookingfor.Reassurance.Comfort.Something.I’mafool.“Whatifoneoftheunknownswins?WhatifPariswins?”
“Theywon’tharmyou.Iftheydo?”MybrotherturnsfortheSUV.“I’llmakeyouawidow.”
4
Patroclus
IleaveAchillesasleepinourapartmentandmakemywaytoAthena’sheadquartersonfoot.Shelikestokeepalowprofile,occupyinganolderbuildinginthenortheastpartoftheuppercity,justsouthofthedocksandnearthecoast.It’sfarenoughfromZeus’sglitteringcitycenterthatthebuildingshavemorecharacter,deviatingfromthesteelandglassandconcretelookthattheblockssurroundingDodonaTowerfavor.
There’snotlonguntilthedeadlineclosestoputforthanameaschampion.Iexpectmostofthemajorplayershavealreadyshowntheirfaces,butIdon’tlikebeingsurprised.Dawnisafewhoursoff,andifanyoneisgoingtobealateaddition,they’lldoitnow,underthecoverofdarkness.
Historically,thethreetrialsaremorephysicalinnature,buttheadvantageofasurprisecontendercannotbeoverstated.InordertoensureAchilleswins,Ihavetoconsiderallvariablesandplanaroundthem.WhichiswhyI’mhereinsteadofinthewarmbedbesidehim.
Treeslinethisstreetatregularintervals,talloaksthatcreateapleasantcoolnessintheearlysummerheat,evenatthishour.IstepintotheshadowsofferedbyonewithaclearviewoftheentrancetoAthena’sbuildingandsettleintowait.
IhearthepersonbeforeIseethem.Heelsclickingsharplyagainstthesidewalk,quickandpointedenoughtoconveyadeepanger.Islidedeeperintotheshadowsandanglemyselftolookforthesource.
SurpriseflareswhenIrecognizethegoldendress,glimmeringinthestreetlights.Ican’tseeHelen’sfaceclearlyfromhere,butthedeterminationinthesetofhershouldersspeaksforitself.She’ddothesamethingwhenwewerekidsontheplayground,throwbackhershouldersbeforechargingintoaconfrontation.
Thestakesweresomuchlowerthen.
Ihalfconvincemyselfit’sacoincidencethatshe’sonthisstreet,movinginthisdirection,untilsheyanksopenthedoortoAthena’sbuildingandstridesinside.
I’mgoodatstrategy.ImightevenbethebestinOlympus.ItheorizedHelenwouldbepickedasthebrideofthenextAresbeforeitwasannouncedbecausethedatasupportedthatoutcome.IknewParisandHectorwouldstepforwardforthesamereason.Ievenprojectedthattherewouldbeafewnon-Olympiansinthebunch,thoughIhaven’thadachancetodigintothefewwhoshowedup.
Ididnotanticipatethis
HelenmeanstocompeteforthetitleofAres?Theveryideaisludicrous,thoughasImentallyflipthroughthehistoriesIreadonthesubject,Idon’tthinkthereisanyruleagainstit.It’ssimplyneverbeendonebefore.Thereisnoprecedent.
Whathappensifshediesinoneofthetrials?Championsgetkilledfromtimetotime,thoughit’stheexceptionratherthantherule.Zeusishardlygoingtobeabletoswitchoutspousesasprizesonawhim.EvenifhecouldandtheThirteen,thepublic,andthechampionswouldstandforit…Theveryideaislaughable.WhocancomparetoHelenKasioswhenitcomestoconnectionsandbeauty?Noone.
ItwillbeadisasternomatterwhichwayIlookatit.
I’msobusythinkingthatIdon’thearherexit.Idon’tevennoticeHelenuntilshe’sstandingrightinfrontofme,anarchinherperfecteyebrow.“Youneverusedtobesneaky.”
“Thelasttimeyousawme,Iwaseight.Peoplechange.”Except,nowthatI’mthinkingofit,Helenalwayswasthefirsttoactagainsttypebackthen.Acutelittlegirlinaspotlesssundress…whohadnoproblembloodyingbullies’nosesandmakingthemcry.
“Somepeoplechange.”Sheshrugged.“Eitherway,spyingisbeneathyou,Patroclus.”
Wemighthavebeenfriendsaskids,atleastuntilmymothersmovedourfamilyoutofthecitycenterwhenIwasinthirdgrade,butIhaven’tseenmuchofHelensincethen.Inhindsight,shewasacutekid,butshe’salwaysbeenagoddesstome.She’stheonewhobefriendedmyawkwardyoungerselfandstoppedtheotherkidsfromteasingmeaboutmyglasses.ImissedherafterImovedaway,butthosememoriesfadedastimewenton.
Asanadult,Ifeelherbeautylikeanassault.Inthenight,withonlythestreetlightskissingherhighcheekbonesandfulllips,shelooksdownrightotherworldly.Imighthaveconsideredheragoddessbackthen,butshetrulylooksitnow.
“I’mnotspying,”Imanage.Mywordscomeoutalittlehoarse,butfuck,shesurprisedme.Iglanceatherfeetandfrown.“Whereareyourshoes?”
“Isawyoulurkingouthereandwantedaword.”Sheholdsupheelsthatarehighenoughtomakemyfeethurtinsympathy.“Ifiguredyouwouldboltifyouheardmecoming.”
“I’moneofAthena’speople.Iwouldnotbolttoavoidtalkingtoyou.”
Herlipscurve.“Guesspeopledochange,afterall.”
Myskinheats.“I’msurprisedyourememberme.”Idon’tknowwhyIsayit.Ihonestlydon’t.She’sHelenKasios.Shemighthavebeenkindtomewhenwewereeight,butthatwasalongtimeago.
Hersmiledisappears.“Wewerefriends,Patroclus.OfcourseIdidn’tforgetaboutyou.Imissedyouafteryouweregone.”
Ican’treadhertone.Shesoundsalmoststung,butImustbeimaginingit.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Iknowtheanswer,butIwanttohearheradmitit.
“IthoughtyouandIcouldhavealittleconversation.”
“Wehavenothingtotalkabout.”Especiallyifwe’reabouttobothbecompetitorsforAres.Ihavenointentionofwinning.ItwasneverthegoalwhenIputmynameforward.ButbywatchingAchilles’sback,Icanensurehemakesittothefinalroundandwins.Thebest-casescenario,ofcourse,isthatwe’rethetwolaststandingandthenI’llstepdown,butinlookingatthecompetitors,I’mnotcertainI’lllastthatlong.Mystrengthisinstrategy,butIlackafundamentaltraitthatAchillesandseveraloftheothercompetitorshave—adrivethatpropelsthembeyondwhatnormalpeoplecanaccomplish.
Frankly,Idon’tlikeHelen’sodds,either.ButbeingtakenunderAthena’swingandlearningfromherbrilliantmindmeansIknowbetterthantotakeanythinginOlympusatfacevalue.Helenseemslikeapartygirlwhoflitsfromeventtoevent,abeautifulbirdinagildedcage.Ican’taffordtoassumethat’sthetruth.
Ibetshestillhasawickedrighthook.
“Patroclus.”Shesaysmynameslowly,almostasifshe’stastingit.“You’retheonlyonewhoknowsI’veputmynameinasacontender—asidefromAthena,ofcourse.I’dsaywehavemorethanafewthingstotalkabout.”
Easyenoughtocatchhermeaning.“Youwantmetokeepittomyself.”
“Yes.Atleastuntilit’sannouncedintheopeningceremonytomorrow.”
I’malreadyshakingmyhead.“No.Wemighthavebeenfriendsonce,butthatwasalongtimeago.Idon’twishyouill,butyou’renotmypriorityinthistournament.Achillesis.”
Shetiltsherheadtotheside,andonceagain,hersheerbeautystealsmybreath.IloveAchilles—IhavesinceIwasateenager—butthere’ssomethingaboutHelenthathitsmeinaplacelogiccan’ttouch.She’slikesomeold-worldqueenwhocouldinspireentirecountriestogotowaronherbehalf.
She’sdangerousnow.
Shelaughs,lowandsinful.“WhatAchillesdoesn’tknowwon’thurthim.”Thewordsalmostsoundlikeshe’stryingtoseduceme.
Itworriesmehowharditistotakeastepawayfromher.Mybodyfightsmymind,whichworriesmeevenmore.“I’msorry,Helen,butI’mgoingtotellhim.”Iclearmythroat.“Isthatall?”
“Actually,oneotherthing.”Shemotionsatmyshoulder.“Wouldyoumind?”
“Goahead.”Iholdperfectlystillasshebracesherselfonmyshoulderandslipsononeshoeandthentheother.Strangetorealizehowsmallsheis.Thelasttimeshetouchedmelikethis,leaningonmetosliponhershoes,shewastallerthanIwas.She’sgottobeatleastsixinchesshorterthanmysixthreenow;probablyclosertoninebecauseevenwiththeridiculousheels,shestillhastolookuptomeetmygaze.Beyondthat,she’sbuiltleanenoughthatIwouldcallherbreakable.
“Whatareyouthinking,enteringthistournament?”Idon’tmeantoaskthequestion.WhatthefuckamIsupposedtodowiththisstrangesurgeofprotectiveness?She’snotakidinneedofprotection.Fuck,Helenneverneededmyprotection.Ultimately,itdoesn’tmatterwhyshe’sdoingwhatshe’sdoing.Theonlythingthatmattersishowshe’scomplicatedthepossiblescenariosmovingforward.Herpresencewillaffectthings,andIhavetoconsiderhow.
Sheteststhesecondheelandthenstraightens,runningherhandabsentlydownmychest.Ifeelthetouchlikeabrand.Forherpart,Helenseemsalmostunawareoftheeffectshehasonme.Sheglancesdownthestreet,herexpressionunreadable.“Areyouhappy,Patroclus?You’renotanaccountantthewayyouwantedtobebackthen.”Shesnortsandshakesherhead.“Whateight-year-oldwantstobeanaccountant?”
Fondnessrisesinsideme,evenasItrytofightit.NothinggoodwillcomefromrevisitingthisstrangeconnectionwithHelenthatI’dallbutforgottenaboutuntilnow.“Andyou’renotapirate.Areyouhappy?”
Insteadofanswering,shefiresback,“DoyouevergettiredofstandinginAchilles’sshadow?”
“No,”Ianswerinstantly.“He’stoobrash,tooimpulsive.Heneedssomeonetoanchorhim.”Withoutmeathisback,godsknowwherehewouldhaveendedup.Achillesisbrilliantinhisownway,buthisprioritiescanbeextremelyskewedtothepointwherehedoesn’tsee—orcareabout—thefullpicture.Hetakesinwhathefeelsisenoughinformationtoactandthenacts.Hisdriveandmomentumarebothterrifyingandaggravatingbyequalmeasures
“Whataboutwhatyouneed?”
Logically,Iknowshe’snottalkingaboutme,notreally.Still,Ianswerhonestly.“IhaveeverythingIneed.”It’salmostthetruth.ItrulyamhappywithwhatIhavewithAchilles.It’snotatraditionalrelationshipbyanymeans;wedon’tbothertoputlabelsonthingsandwe’renotexclusive,thoughIdon’tpartakeinothers’charmsasoftenasAchillesdoes.Ilovehim.Helovesme.We’rebothgettingourneedsmet,atleastfornow.IfIharborasecretfearthatsomedayIwon’tbeenoughforhim?Well,that’snoone’sbusinessbutmyown.
I’mnotabouttoconfessasmuchtoHelen,sharedhistoryorno.
“Luckyyou,”shemurmurs.Forsomeonewho’sbeenmovingthroughtheuppercirclesofOlympianpolitics,she’sgotaterriblepokerface.Ormaybetheshadowsaretrickingmeintoseeingvulnerabilitywherethereisnone.
“Youseemtohaveeverythingyouneed.”Iknowbetterthantomakeassumptions.AchillesthinkshehasHelenandherilkfiguredout,butevenifmymotherswithdrewfromthepettypoliticswhenIwasingradeschool,Istillrecognizethatveryfewintheuppercityareentirelyhonestaboutwhattheyneedandwhattheywant.Doingsowiththewrongpeoplehandsthemaweaponperfectlydesignedtohurtyou.
“DoI?”Helenpatsmychestandtakesacarefulstepback.“Well,Iguessit’strue,then,sinceyousayso.”
“Helen.”Idon’tmeantosayhernamelikethat,lowandstern.
Shesmiles,theexpressionmoreofsadnessthanjoy.“Noteveryoneisasluckyasyouare,Patroclus.Lovingmotherswhosacrificedtheirambitionstogiveyouasafespacetogrowupin.Aboyfriendwho’sAthena’ssecond-in-command.Apromisingcareerwithinherspecialforces.”
“Youseemtoknowalotaboutme.”
Sheglancesawayandthenbackatme.“Imighthavecheckeduponyouoccasionallyovertheyears.Iguessyoudidn’tdothesame.”
Idon’tlikethesadlookonherface.I’mnottheonewhoshouldbetryingtoliftit,though.Really,thethingIshouldbedoingisgettingoutofthisconversationasquicklyaspossible.Helenistoosavvytogivemeammunitiontouseagainsther,andIcan’tsaythesameaboutmyself.NotwhenI’mreactingsostrangelytoher.“Ididn’thavetocheckuponyou.You’reintheheadlinesallthetime.”
“Iam,aren’tI?”Shelaughsalittle,atinysoundofamusementthat’sgonefartoosoon.“I’mreallygoingtogivethemsomethingtotalkaboutthistime.”
“Youwon’twin.”Idon’tsayittobecruel,butsheflinchesallthesame.Still,Ipresson.“Youmightevendie.It’snottoolate.IfyouaskAthenatostrikeyournamefromthelist,shewill.Noonehastoknowyouenteredinthefirstplace.”
Helengivesmeabittersweetsmilethatmakesmychestacheinresponse.“Somethingsarewortheventheriskofdeath.Goodluck,Patroclus.Youhaveyourhandsfullwiththatgoldenjackass.”Sheturnsandstridesbackthewayshecame.
Idon’tmeantomove.Ihaveaplan,afterall,andthatplaninvolvesholdingthispositionuntildawntoensureIknowtheidentitiesofanychampionswhowanttokeeptheiridentitiessecretuntiltheopeningceremony.OratleastgoingbacktoAchillesandreportingthisnewdevelopment.Butmybodymakesthedecisionforme,onestepturningintotwo,turningintoajogthatbringsmeevenwithHelen.“I’llwalkyoutoyourcar.”
“That’snotnecessary.”
Despitemylongerlegs,Ihavetoconcentratetokeepupwithherquickpace.“Thestreetsaresafeenoughinthisneighborhood,butyou’reHelenKasios.Surelyyourealizeyou’reinmoredangerbeingoutalonewithoutasecuritydetailthantheaverageperson.”
Shegivesmeastrangelook.“Isn’titinyourbestinteresttoletachampionbeeliminatedbeforethetournamentevenstarts?”
“No.”Thewordcomesouttooforcefully,butthere’snowalkingitbacknow.Imakeanefforttoshrugthetightnessoutofmyshoulders.“Idon’tknowwhatit’slikemovinginthecirclesyoudo,butIdon’tbelieveinacceptablelosses.Notifthey’reavoidable.”
“Howpreciousofyou.”She’sstillwatchingmelikeI’mastrangenewcreatureshe’sneverseenbefore.Whenshespeaksagain,hervoiceisalmostgentle.“Patroclus,it’sreallyokay.Ifanyoneissillyenoughtojumpme,Icantakecareofmyself.”Sheholdsupatinyfist.“Onceuponatime,Itookcareofyou,too.”
Ismiledespitemyself.“Youwereaterrorontheplayground.”
“LikeIsaid.”Shedropsherfist.“Idon’tneedyoutowatchoutforme.”
Maybeshedoesn’t.Shemustbeabletoifshe’sconfidentenoughtoenterthetournament.Ican’tmakemyselfleaveherside,though.Notuntilshe’ssafe.“Allthesame.ConsideritpayingyoubackforpunchingMenalaus’snoseafterhebrokemyglasses.”
Shesighs.“Ishouldhaveexpectedthatbeingirritatinglystubbornistheonethingthathasn’tchanged.You’dhavetobetoshareAchilles’sbed.Verywell.Tagalongifitwillmakeyoufeelbetter.”
ItstrikesmethatthisHelenisabitdifferentfromtheoneplasteredacrossthegossipsites.Thechangesaresubtle,butImakeahabitoffilingawayeveryinteractionwithpowerfulpeoplewhomoveamongtheThirteen.They’redangerousintheirownways,anditpaystoneverbecaughtflat-footed.
Theversionsheplaysinpublicisbubblyinanalmostaggressiveway.Shelightsupeveryroomshewalksinto,standstooclose,andlaughstooloudlyforpolitecompany.It’sasifsheforceshermarkintoeveryspacesheoccupies,darespeopletoignoreher.
ThisHelenstillstandstooclose,butshe’smoresubdued.She’ssad.Almostvulnerable.Itmakesmefeelstrangetonoticethatshe’smorecomplicatedthanIfirstexpected.“Youdidn’tknowaboutthemarriage,didyou?”
Insteadofanswering,shegoesontheoffensive.“AreyouandAchillesinarelationship?Orareyoujustfriendswhosometimesfuck?”
Imissastep.“That’snoneofyourbusiness.”
“NeitheriswhetherornotIknewaboutthemarriagebeforehand.”Westopatthecorner,andshepullsoutaphoneinaglitteringcase.EverythingaboutHelenseemstoglitter.It’sunnerving,remindingmeofthevariousanimalswhosebrightcoloringsignalstheirpoisonousdefenses.Sheflipsitaroundtoshowmethescreen.“Myridewillarriveinafewminutes.You’vedoneyourduty.Youcangonow.”
Iplantmyfeet.“I’llstayuntiltheygethere.”
“Fine.”Helenplantsherhandsonherhips,whichmakesitimpossiblenottonoticehowwellthedressfitsherbody.It’sapieceofart,thecutseemingtodefyphysicsinawayIdon’tcompletelyunderstand.Surelythereissometapeorcontraptioninvolvedtokeepherbreastsfromescaping?
Herlowlaughhasmejerkingmygazebacktoherface.Gods,Iwasstaringatherchest.Myskinheats,andI’mgratefulfortheshadows.Hopefullythey’rehidingmyblush.“Sorry.”
“It’sreallyashameyouandAchillesarenoneofmybusiness.You’reveryhandsome,andI’mfeelingaspecialkindofreckless.”Shestepsclose.Notquiteenoughtotouch,butit’sanearthing.Helenstaresupintomyface.“Wanttogetintosometroublewithme,Patroclus?YoucantellAchillesaboutitlaterin…extreme…detail.”
Icanseehowthatwouldgoalltooclearly.Ifshewereanyoneelse,ifthiswereanyothersituation,Achilleswouldgetoffonthat.Usually,thesituationisreversed.He’llhavesomefunandtellmeaboutitwhilehe’sfuckingmeorI’mgoingdownonhim,thoughhealwayspeppersmewithquestionswhensomeonecatchesmyeyeenoughtopursueasinglenightoffun.It’sbeenalongtimesinceIindulged,andindifferentcircumstances,he’dbedelightedbymyuncharacteristicimpulsiveness.
This,though?
ThisfeelstoomuchlikeabetrayalforreasonsIdon’tparticularlywanttolookinto.Ifinallyshakemyhead.“No.Underothercircumstances,but…”Ihatethedisappointmentthatshadesherfeatures,hateitsomuchIcatchherhandandliftit,turningtopressakisstoherwrist.“I’msorry.”
“Yourloss.”Butshemakesnomovetoputmoredistancebetweenusorbreakourcontact.
Themomentspinsout,asfineasgossamerandfilledwithpossibility.Sayingnoistherightthingtodo.I’malreadyreactingtoostronglytoHelenwithoutaphysicalcomponentinvolved.Ihavemanystrengths,butsexcanoccasionallymuddythewaters,dullmynormallysharpmind.Ican’taffordforthattohappennow,whenAchillesispoisedtotakeeverythinghe’sworkedandsacrificedsomuchfor.Icertainlycan’tdosowiththiswoman,whoisindirectoppositiontothatgoal.
IfAchilleswins,he’llmarryher.
Thethoughtbringsaflareofheatsointense,IleantowardHelenwithoutintendingto.We’dplannedforthemarriagetobeinnameonly,but…whatifitwasn’t?
Shetiltsherheadbackandlicksherlips,hergazeonmymouth.“Patroclus.”
Gods,thewaythiswomansaysmyname,lowandbreathywithahintofquestionthatmakesmewanttopullhercloseandkissheruntiltheonlythingshecanlevelthatimpressivefocusonisme
Whatthefuckishappeningtome?
Ahornhonks,jarringusoutofthemoment.Helentakesalargestepbackandpullsherhandoutofmygrasp.“Anothertime,maybe.”Hergringoesdownrightwicked.“Ichangedmymind.Don’tkeepthisbetweenus.I’msureAchilleswillbethrilledtoknowhe’sgoingtofacemeinallthreetrials.”
Ifhercompetenceishalfasstrongasherarrogance,shemightactuallyhaveashot.Istandthereandwatchherclimbintothebackseatofherride.Thetaillightsdisappearquicklydownthestreet,turningbacktowardthecitycenter.
There’snodoubtaboutit.
Thissituationjustgotevenmorecomplicated.
5
Achilles
IwakeupthemomentPatroclusslipsintobed.He’stryingtobequiet,butasstealthyasheis,I’veneverbeenthatheavyofasleeper.Notasachild,andsureasfucknotwhenIbecameasoldier.Irolloverandhookanarmaroundhiswaist,pullinghimtome,hisbacktomychest.Iburymyfaceinthenapeofhisneck.Hesmellslikesummernight…andperfume.
Iopenmyeyes.It’sstilldark.Theclockreads3:00a.m.“You’rebackearly.”
“Yeah.”He’ssotense,he’slikeablockofconcrete.Somethinghappened.Somethinghedoesn’twanttotalkabout.
Yeah,that’snotgoingtoworkforme.“Patroclus.”Ipresshimdownontothemattressandpropmyheadonmyhand.“Talk.”
Ican’tseehisexpressionclearlyintheshadows,butIdon’thaveto.IknowthismanaswellasIknowmyself.Icanpracticallyfeeltheguiltcomingoffhiminwaves,evenifitdoesn’tmakeadamnbitofsense.Nothinghecouldhavedonetonightshouldspawnguilt.That’snothowwework.
Finally,hedragsinabreath.“HelenKasiosputhernameforwardasachampion.”
“What?”
“Yeah.”
Ishakemyhead.“Whatthefuckisshethinking?She’sgoingtogethurt,andthatwillpissoffZeusandAphroditeandmakethingsmoredifficultforthenewAres.”Forme
“Iusedtoknowher.”
ThatshocksmeenoughthatIsitup.“Whatareyoutalkingabout?Youdon’tknowHelenKasios.”
“Iusedto.”Hesaysitlikeaconfession.“Wewenttoschooltogetherwhenwewerekids,beforemyfamilymovedawayfromthecitycenter.Wewere…friends.”
He’sneveroncementionedherinallthetimeI’veknownhim.IknowIshouldseethatasproofthatshe’snoonetohim,butallIcanfocusonisthattherearepartsofPatroclusthatIdon’trecognize.Iscrubmyhandovermyface.“SoyouknewHelenKasiosonceuponatimeandsheputhernameforwardasachampion.”That’snotenoughtospawnthisguiltyreactioninhim.“Whatelsehappened?”
“She…”Heclearshisthroat.“I’mprettysureshepropositionedme.”
PeoplecomeontoPatroclusallthetime.He’ssexy,he’sgotasoldier’sbody,andhe’ssmartasfuck.Anyonewhotalkstohimfortensecondsknowshe’sacatch.Mostofthetime,hedoesn’tevenregisterthathe’sbeinghiton.Whenhedoes,hepolitelydisengages.It’srareforsomeonetointeresthimenoughtoallowhimselftobeseduced,andevenrarerforhimtoactlikethisafterward.I’mprettysureit’sneverhappenedbefore.
Idon’tlikeit.
Isureasfuckdon’tlikehowitmakesmefeel.
“How?”Idon’tmeantoaskthequestion.Thesinglewordlandslikeagauntletthrownbetweenus,tooheavyforthreelittleletters.
Patroclustenses.“What?”
I’malreadymoving,climbingoutofbedandmotioningimpatientlyathim.“Showmehow.”
“Achilles…”Hereluctantlyfollowsandmovestostandinfrontofme.He’snakedandhalf-erectandthatshouldn’tpissmeoff,butnothingaboutthissituationislikeitshouldbe.Patroclussighs.“Whyareyoudoingthis?”
“Iwanttoknow.”Isoundlikeanasshole,butIcan’tstopmyself.I’veseenHelenKasios.Fuck,I’vetalkedtoherafewtimes,thoughheraggressivelybubblypersonalitygrates.She’seasilythemostbeautifulpersoninOlympus.Thekindofbeautifulthatwouldmakeapersonforgetthemselvesandactagainsttheirownbestinterests.Thekindofbeautifulthatcansparkwarsanddoomrelationships.
Iwon’tletherdoommine.Idon’tgiveafuckifshe’sturnedhereyeonPatroclus.Shecan’thavehim.He’smine.
Patroclussighsagain.“Nothinggoodwillcomeofthis.”
“Sincewhendowekeepthingsfromeachother?”
“Nothinghappened,Achilles.Idon’tunderstandwhyyou’rejealous.”
Jealousy.That’swhatthisfeelingis.Ihateit.Iwanttokillitwithfire.Emotionsaren’taseasytoconquerasphysicalchallenges,though.IstepclosertoPatroclus,closeenoughthatIcanfeeltheheatcomingoffhisbody.“Didshestandclosetoyoulikethis?”
Hecurses.“Fine.We’lldothis.”Patroclustakesmyhandandplacesitonhisshoulder.“Sheleanedonmetoputhershoesbackon.”
Puthershoesbackon?
Idon’thaveachancetovoicethequestion,becausehetightenshisgriponmywristanddragsitdownmychest.“Andthenshedidthis.Thatwasliterallyit.You’rebeingridiculous.”
Hisdefensivenesstellsmemorethanhisprotestsdo.Patroclusdoesn’tgetdefensive.“Youwantedtofuckher.”Hesputters,whichisanswerenough.Idragmyknucklesoverhisstomachandwrapmyfistaroundhishardcock.Hardforme?Hardforher?Thelackofconfirmationmakessomethinguglysnapinsideme.Istrokehimroughly.“She’sgorgeous.”
“YousaythatlikeeveryoneinOlympusdoesn’talreadyknowit.”HisbreathinggoeschoppyasIkeepstrokinghim.“Achilles,let’sgotobed.”
Ipause.“Patroclus.”Idon’thavetosayanythingelse.HeknowsmejustaswellasIknowhim.HeknowswhatIwant.
Hedigshishandsintomyhairandpresseshisforeheadtomine.“Thiswon’tmakeyouhappy.”
“Itmight.”
Patroclushuffsoutalaugh,thoughhesoundspained.“Fine.Yes,Iwantedtofuckher.Ifshewasn’tdestinedtobeyourwife,Imighthavetakenheruponheroffer.”
Mywife.
Ihadnointentionofdoinganythingaboutthewifeaspectofwinningthetitle,andIstilldon’t.Butinthatmoment,it’simpossiblenottoletmyimaginationrunwithhowaweddingnightmightlookwithHelenKasios.Spoiledbrat,yes,butI’mnotimmunetoher.Idon’tthinkanyonealiveis.She’dbefireinthebedroom.Idon’tknowhowIknow,butI’msuddenlysureofit
Patrocluskissesme.OrmaybeIkisshim.Itdoesn’tmatter.Westumblebacktowardthebed.Hishandsareinmyhair,strokingdownmyback,grabbingmyassandhaulingmeharderagainsthim.There’snodenyingthesourceofthisfrenzy,andwebothknowit.
HedropstohiskneesandIbarelygetachancetoreachforhimbeforehismouthclosesaroundmycock.“Fuck.”Sometimeswhenhegoesdownonme,he’salittlefuckingtease,tormentingmewiththeslowslideofhismouthandhisclevertongueuntilIlosemypatienceandhaulhimtothebedtofuckhim.
That’snothowhesucksmycocktonight.Hepullsmedeep,untilhislipsmeetmybase.Istaredownathimforalongmoment,butPatroclushashiseyesclosed.Hemovesovermewithadeterminationthathasmyballstightening.Likehewantstoescapesomething.Likehe’stryingtoprovesomething.
“You’resuckingmeofflikeyou’reapologizingforsomething.”Itiltmyheadbackandclosemyeyes.“You’reforgiven,Patroclus.”He’sright.Hedidn’tdoanythingwrong.Idon’tknowwhyI’mreactinglikethis,butIrecognizethatit’sbullshit.Hismoaninresponsetomywordsconfirmsit.ThismanlovesmeasmuchasIlovehim.He’llfighttokeepfromendangeringus.
Ibelievethat.Ido.
Mostofthetime.
Thistime,Idon’ttopplehimtothebed.Ilethimpayapenancehedoesn’tdeservebecauseIknowitwillmakehimfeelbetter.Everypullonmycockdeflatesmyjealousy.Itdoesn’tmatterthatPatrocluswantsHelen.Fuck,IwantHelen.Whatmattersisthathe’shere,withme.
Itightenmygriponhishair.“I’mclose.”
Hisonlyresponseistoreachdownandcupmyballs.HeknowswhatIlike,whatwillgetmeoffthehardest.Icurseandcomesointensely,mykneesbuckle.Patroclusdoesn’tstopsuckingme.NotevenwhenIhavetocatchmyselfontheedgeofthebedtokeepfromhittingthefloor.Onlythendoeshereleasemycockandpressakisstomyhip.“I’msorry.”
“Youhavenothingtobesorryfor.”
“Itdoesn’tfeellikethat.”
Isinkontothefloornexttohimandleanagainstthebed.“Iwasoutofline.”
“Maybealittle.”
“Definitely.”Evenwiththeorgasmbluntingmythoughts,thejealousylingers.TherearethousandsofpeopleinOlympuswhoPatrocluscouldfuckandIwouldn’tthinktwiceaboutit.Helen?She’sadifferentstory.“I’msorry,too.”Iholdupmyhand.“Spit.”
“Fuck,Achilles…”Heobeys,though.Healwaysdoes.PatroclusspitsintomyhandandwatcheswiththatlookonhisfaceasIwrapmyfistaroundhiscockandstrokehimlazily.Healwaysreactslikethis,asifhecan’tbelievehe’shere,thatI’mtouchinghimlikethis.We’vebeenpartnersforadecade,eversinceourfriendshipturnedtofumblinghandsandmessykisseswhenweweretwenty.
“I’llmakeituptoyou.”
“Ohyeah?”Hislipscurve.Moreimportantly,thetensionlingeringinhisshouldersdissipates.Heleansagainstthebed,leaninghisheadbacktoexposehisthroat.
“Yeah.”Iwastenotimepressinganopen-mouthkissthereasIjackhim.Itfeelsgoodtohavehiminmyhand,tohavehimpullingmeupforaroughkiss.Icouldfinishhimlikethis.Ihavesomanytimesbefore.It’snotenough.
Ibreakourkiss,ignoringhissoundofprotestasIdragmymouthdownhischestandstomachtotakehimintomymouth.Thetremorsinhisthighsconfirmitwon’ttakelongtogethimoff,whichisjustfinewithme.I’mnotanymoreinterestedinteasingtonightthanhewas.Isuckhimdownhard,workinghimwithlips,tongue,andthatlittleedgeofteethhelikessometimes.
“Holyfuck,Achilles.I—”Hedoesn’tgetachancetofinish,atleastnotverbally.Hecomesinmymouth,andImoanasIdrinkhimdown.Idon’tstopthere.Fuck,Idon’tstopuntilhetugsmyhair,pullingmeoffhiscock.“Damn.”
Ipressaquickkisstohislips.“See.Nothingtoworryabout.”
“Ineversaidtherewasanythingtoworryabout.”There’sasmileinhisvoicenow.“ButI’veapologizedandyou’veveryeffectivelystakedyourclaim.”
“Yeah.”Igrin,completelyunrepentant.“Now,bed.”
“Bed,”heagrees.
Webrushourteethanddosomeminimalcleanupbeforeclimbingbackintobed.Thistime,whenIpullhimbackagainstme,he’srelaxedandsleepy.He’sstillPatroclus,though.Ithinktheonlythingthatwillshutoffthatbigbrainofhiscompletelyisfuckinghimdamnnearintoacoma.Asingleorgasmbarelyslowshimdown.
I’mnotremotelysurprisedwhenherunshisfingersovermyforearmandsays,“Itriedtotalkheroutofcompeting.”
“Ibetyoudid.”Itughimcloser.“Itakeitthatwentoverwell.”
“Notevenalittlebit.”Hesighs.“It’sgoingtocomplicatethings.”
ItightenmygriponhimasifIcankeephimbymysidewithsheerstrength.“Itdoesn’tcomplicateanythingwedon’twantitto.Idon’tgiveafuckifshecameontoyou.She’soff-limits.”
“Iknow.”Histonegoesdry.“Iwastalkingaboutthetournament.Havingtheprizecompeteforthetitleis…messy.”
“Oh.Right.”Iclosemyeyes.“Whateverhappens,we’llfigureitout.”
“Alwayssoconfident.”Hebringsmyhandupandkissesmywrist.“Butyou’reright.Thiswon’tbeenoughofahiccuptoultimatelyaffectthings.NomatterwhatelseistrueofHelen,she’snotawarrior.Shedoesn’thaveachanceagainstyou.”
Damnstraight.
Notinthearena.Andnotwithmyman.
6
Helen
I’msonervous,IfeellikeI’mgoingtopuke.NomatterhowIactedwithPatrocluslastnight—andIrefusetothinkaboutthatself-destructivebehaviortooclosely—thefactremainsthatI’mhavingsecondthoughtsabouttheintelligenceofmydecision.ItseemedlikeagoodideawhenIwasridingawaveoffuryandindignation,spurredonbyCallisto’stemptingwords.EvenAthenadidn’tblinkwhenIshowedupatherofficeandputmynameforward.
Inthecoldlightofday,doubtcreepsin.
Eventhoughtheannouncementofthetournamentwastelevised,thisistheofficialopeningceremony.It’sheldwheretherestofthetournamentwillbe—inthearenanexttothebarracks.Ipacebackandforthbetweentheconcretewalls.Icanhearthemurmuroftheaudiencecreepinginfromthearcheddoorwayleadingtothearenaflooritself.I’msuremybrotherandsisterwillbewithAthenaintheboxseatsspecificallyforannouncersandthelike.Theothercandidateswillcomeinthroughthearchoppositemine,sothisentranceisblessedlyempty.
OnceIstepoutanddeclaremyselfachampion,there’snogoingback.
Imovetothearchandpeerout.Thisbuildingisatraditionalarenaformat,theflatovalinthemiddledeceptivelysmallcomparedtothetieredseatingrisingaroundit.I’veseenitconvertedtoastageforconcertsandevenanicerinksometimesinthewinter.Rightnow,it’scoveredinsandwithalineofthirty-sixshortpodiumsthatareobviouslyforthechampionstostandon.
ThelastAreshadathingforthearena,andheputonregulareventsandtournamentsshowingoffhispeople’sexpertise.They’regreatentertainment;whenIwaslittle,myfavoritethingwaswatchinghissoldiersstagemockbattlesorone-on-onefights.Seeingthosepowerfulpeopleattheheightofmartialcompetencewokesomethinginme.
MaybethatwaswhenIstarteddownthispath,thoughit’sbeenrockyfromthestart.Myfatherhadstrongopinionsaboutthekindsofactivitieshisdaughtersshouldparticipatein.Anykindofmartialartswasrightout.Erischoseballet,whichprovesshe’sanassholewithamasochisticstreak.I’mnotmuchbetter,though,becauseIchosegymnastics.IcompetedwhenIwasinhighschool,butIwasnevergoingtobeoneofthegreats.Still,itserveditspurposeinkeepingmeinpeakphysicalcondition.IkeptupagoodportionofthetrainingevenafterIgraduated,whichmeansmyupperbodystrengthisdeceptivelygoodformyframe,andmyenduranceistopnotch.
BothhelpedwhenItookupmixedmartialarts.Sixmonthsisnowherenearlongenoughtocomeclosetomasteringit,butbetweenmyphysicalskillsandthebasics,Icanmanage.Ihope.
Rightnow,it’salltheory.IhaveanideaofwhatthetrialswillbesincetheyseemtofollowasimilarformateachtimethetitleofAresswitchesover,buttherearetoomanyvariables.Besides,guessingatwhatthetrialsmaybeisallwellandgood,butthetruewildcardsarethechampionsthemselves
Thelightsdimandaroargoesupfromthecrowd.IleanalittlefartheroutandfollowthespotlighttowheremybrotherandAthenastandinthebox.He’swearingasuitthat’s,naturally,perfectlytailoredandtheexactrightshadeofgraytoplayuphislightercoloring.She’swearingathree-piecesuitaswell,deepmaroonandwithshoulderssharpenoughtocut.
IfPerseusisbotheredbymyabsence,nooneunfamiliarwithhimwouldbeabletotell,butIknowhimwellenoughtoseeevidenceofhisdispleasureinthewayhiseyeshavegoneicecold.Ifmypublicmaskisbeingaggressivelybubbly,Perseus’sistheexactopposite.Themorehe’sfeeling,thelessheshows.Rightnow,hisexpressionmightaswellhavebeencarvedfromstone.He’sfurious
CallistostandsatPerseus’sshoulderandErisatAthena’s,bothwearingblackdresses.Theperfectunifiedfoursome.TheboxseatscirclingthearenaallbelongtothevariousmembersoftheThirteen,butnoneofthemarecurrentlybeingspotlitonthegiantscreensstrategicallypositionedaroundthearea.
Mybrotherholdsupahandandthearenainstantlyquiets.“Thetrialsbeginthedayaftertomorrow.Tonightisforyoutogettoknowyourchampions.”HeglancesatAthena.“Butfirst,let’sshowoursupportforthewomanrunningthiswholeenterprise.Athena.”Hepolitelyclapsasthearenagoeswild.
AthenaisoneofthemembersoftheThirteenwhousuallyavoidsthepubliceye.AsthecommanderofOlympus’sspecialforces,shepreferstodoherworkintheshadowswithoutshowingherhand.
HerreluctancetopreenandposeforthecamerashascreatedacultlikefollowingamongOlympusresidents.ThereareentiremessageboardsdevotedtopeoplewhowanthertosteponthemorwhowritefanficaboutalltheThirteen,butherinparticular.Shepreferstopretendtheydon’texist,butthesideeffectisthatherpopularityisamongthehighestoftheThirteen.
Sheflicksoutahand,herexpressioneven.Immediately,thecrowd’scheeringcutsoffasifsomethinghitadial.Impressive.Shemightnotdothepublicthingoften,butshe’scertainlygotthepresenceandcommandforit.Athenasweepsalookacrossthearena.“Shallwebegin?Good.OurfirstchampionisParisChloros.”
Iflinch,mystomachtwistingasIwatchmyexwalkoutoftheentranceoppositemeandwavetothecrowdasheheadsfortheshortpodiumonthefarright.Overhead,thescreenflashesclipsofhimfromvariousgossipsites,andIfeelalittlesickwhenInoticehowmanyofthemfeaturemeaswell.ThepitinmystomachonlygetsworseathowhappyIlookinthosevideos.Someofitwasalie—dealingwiththepaparazzimeanslearningtoprojecttheimageyouwantthemtorunwith—butIreallywashappywithParis…untilIrealizedthatmynice-guyboyfriendwasanevenbiggerliarthanIwas.
Parisprovidedthisvideo;IknowbecauseIwasaskedtoprovidethesamethingformyentrance.Whatthefuckishetryingtoprove?Surelythisisn’tallabidtogetmeback?Ishakemyhead.No,withParis,thisismorelikelysomekindofpissingcontest,remindingeveryonethatIwashisbeforeIwasthenextAres’swife.Ishudder.There’sareasonIbrokethingsoffwithhim,andI’llcommittrulyoutstandingactsofviolencebeforeIlethimnearmeagain.
OutofeveryoneinOlympus,he’stheonepersonIthoughtIcouldtrust.TheoneIconfessedmydoubtsandfearsto.Insteadofprovidingasoftplacetoland,hesharpenedthosesamedoubtsandfearsandshotthemrightintotheheartofme,allwithasmileonhishandsomeface.
BythetimeIendedthingswithhimandmanagedtomakethebreakupstick,he’dbrutalizedmyinstinctsandruinedmostofmyclosefriendships.Ihadn’tevenrealizedhewasisolatingmeuntiltherelationshipendedandIwasleftstandingalone.
“OursecondchampionisHectorChloros.”
IsmiledespitemyselfasHectormoveseasilyacrossthesandtothesecondplatform.Allthegoodgenesinthatfamilywenttotheelderbrother,afactprovenbyhisvideo.Ninetypercentofitisofhimandhiswife,Andromache,andtheirdaughter.Itwouldbeastrangechoiceifhewereactuallyheretowin,butthisvideofeelslikeadeclarationofadifferentsort.He’sobviouslyactingassupporttoParis.
That’sgoingtobeaproblem.
Itstandstoreasonthatalliancesareapossibility,butI’dbeensofocusedongettingaroundmyfamilytoaccomplishthisthatIhadn’tthoughtmuchfartherthangettingintothetournamentandcompetinginthetrials.NowthatI’mthinkingaboutit,though…Ihavethreesetsofalliestoworryaboutwhoaresignificantlymoredangerousthantherestofthechampions.HectorandParis.Thetwostrangerswhoarrivedtogether.AndAchillesandPatroclus.AjaxwilllikelyfallinwitheitherHectororAchilles,basedonhishistorywiththem.PossiblyevenAtalanta,whichwouldmakeafourthpairtodealwith.Eachofthosechampionsisachallengeontheirown.Together?Thingsjustgotsignificantlymorecomplicated.
“Fuck,”Imurmur.MaybeIcanapproachAtalantabeforeAjaxortheothersgetachanceandseeifshe’dbewillingtoworktogethertogetpastthefirsttwotrials.Iwon’thavemuchtimetoworkmycharm,andIdon’treallyknowheratall,butsurelythebondofsisterhoodisenoughtoworkinmyfavor.
Igrimace.Notlikely.
WhileIwaswaffling,Athenahasrunthroughagoodnumberofthechampions.Theyfilein,oneafteranother.Someslumpalonewiththeirshouldersbowed,obviouslynotherebecausetheywanttobe.Othersstrutandwaveatthecrowd.Iknowmostofthemonsight,butit’sclearthatafterParisandHector,Athenaissavingthetruecontendersforlast.
Sureenough,AjaxandAtalantawereannouncednext.ThencomestheMinotaur—seriously,whatkindofnameisthat—andTheseus.Theylookevenbiggerwhenlinedupwiththeothers.HectorandAjaxarenojoke,butthesetwohaveseveralinchesandquiteafewpoundsofmuscleonboth.Whichmeanstheypositivelytowerovereveryoneelse.Hopefullythatmeansthey’llbeslowandwecanknockthemoutinthefirsttrial.
“PatroclusFotos.”
MyattentiondragsbacktotheentranceasPatrocluswalksthrough.Theothershavealldressedtoimpress,buthe’swearingjeansandawhiteT-shirt.Helookslikehewantstobeanywherebuthere,whichissomehowendearing.Ican’thelpcomparinghimtotheboyIknewonceuponatime,sweetandquietandpositivelynerdy.Hedoesn’tlookthesame,buthe’sfamiliardespitethat.Nottomentionthemanishotnow.Nooneisgoingtolookathimanddecidehe’saneasymark,notwiththosebroadshouldersandbighands.Andhe’ssodamnsmart,too.Icouldpracticallyseehisimpressivebrainwhirlingandspinningoutfrombeingsoclosetome.Mypersonaltastethesedaysleansmoretowardprettyandvapid,butIcan’tdenythatIlovedrufflinghisfeathers.
Iwanttodoitagain.
Iwanttorufflethemawholelot
“AchillesKallis.”
Despitemyself,mybreathcatchesatthesightofAchillesinadeep-bluesuit.He’ssodamnattractiveandheknowsit,stalkingacrossthesandwithanintentthatfeelsalmostviolent.Whyisthatsosexy?He’sexactlythekindofpersonIwouldhavegoneforinthepast,theexactkindofpersonwhowouldhaveseenmyproximitytoZeusasatooltobeusedtotheirbenefit.Pariscertainlydid.IcanpracticallyfeelAchilles’sintentandambition.Theothersaredangerous,buthewantsthismorethananyone.
Exceptme.
Oncethecheersdiedown,asmallsmilepullsatAthena’smouth.“Andourfinalchampion.HelenKasios.”
ChaosbreakslooseasIsmoothmyhandovermyshortgoldendressandstridedownthewalkwaytothearenafloor.Ultimately,itdoesn’tmatterwhatthegreaterOlympuspopulationthinksofanyoftheindividualchampions,becausethevictoristheonewhobecomesAres.Withallthatsaid,onlyafoolwouldn’tstarttocurryfavorfromtheverybeginning.Achillesobviouslyhasconsideredthis,buthedoesn’thavethekindofpracticeIdowithmanipulatingpublicopinion.
Iwinkandblowakissatthecamerapointedinmydirectionthat’sfeedingvideotothelargescreensoverhead.Thechaosmorphsintocheers.Perfect.Iwaveandheadacrossthesandtomypodium.Walkinggracefullyacrosssandinheelsisharderthanitlooks,butIpracticallyliveinsix-inchstilettos;Imakeitlookeasy.
AchillesmovesbeforeIreachthepodium,jumpingdownandclosingthedistancebetweenus.Itensebutmanagetokeepmysmileinplace.Ishereallygoingtotrytostopme?
Theassholegrinsandoffershishand.“Fancyseeingyouhere,princess.”
Ispeakthroughgrittedteeth.“Youreallydon’tthinkIneedhelpsteppinguptwelveinches,doyou?”
Hischarmingsmiledoesn’tslip.“Everyonelovesagentleman.”
Ohyeah,Achillesknowsexactlyhowtoplaythegame.I’dfinditimpressivethatanorphansoldierhadabetterpublicpersonathansomechildrenoftheThirteenIknow,butI’mtooirritatedtogivehimanycredit.Withonemove,he’sputmerightbackintodamselterritory.Ican’tignorehishandorI’lllooklikeanasshole,whichissomethingIcan’taffordthisearlyinthegame.
Isetmyhandinhis,asecretpartofmethrilledbyhowheseemstodwarfme,evenwhenIstepupontothepodiumandamtechnicallytallerthanheis.Heholdsmyhandabeattoolong,hisgazecoastingovermeinawaythatfeelsappreciativewithoutbeinggross.“Youknow,lastnightIthoughthavingyouasawifewasjustasideeffectofgettingthetitleIwant.”
“Youwon’thavemeasyourwife,”Ihiss.
“Ohyeah,Ireallywill.”Hisgrinwidens,hisdarkeyeslightingupwithsomethingIcouldalmostbelieveisdesire.“Youwon’twinthis,princess.Bettertogetsomeeggonyourfacenowandkeepthoseprettyfeaturesintact.Beingmarriedtomewon’tbesobad.Trustme.”
Iglare.“Takeyourhandoffme.”
Hereleasesmeeasily,turningthatwinningsmileonthecrowdashejumpsbackontohispodium.IswearIcanhearpeopleactuallyswooninginthestands,whichonlymakesmybloodpressurerise.Maybethat’sthereasonIforgetmyselfandlookuptotheboxseatwheremybrotherstands.Icanfeelhisglarefromhere,evenifhe’snotonanyofthescreens.Ihavetofightbackashiver.
It’stoolatetogoback.NotevenZeushimselfcanremoveachampiononcethey’vebeenannounced.Afterthispoint,we’llallbehousedinasecondarylocationandcutofffromeveryoneelseinthecity.It’sintendedtoavoidanymeddlingorattemptstocheat,butforme,itmeansthatmysiblingswon’tbeabletoshowupunannouncedandtrytoconvincemetobackout.TheonlymemberoftheThirteenwhocancomeandgofreelyfromthechampions’quartersisAthena.
Athenawavesanarminourdirection.“Greetyourchampions,Olympus.”
ThecheersandscreamsareloudenoughthatIswearIfeelthearenavibrate.It’soverwhelmingintheextreme.Upuntilthispoint,myinteractionswiththegeneralpublichavebeenthroughacarefullycuratedfilter.I’mapublicfigurewithapublicpersonaandamoftenfeaturedonMuseWatch,ourresidentgossipsite.ButI’veneverdoneanythinglikethis.Evenmygymnasticsmeetswerewithclosedaudiences,astipulationmyfatherputonmeifIwantedtocompete.Itcertainlydidn’tearnmefriendsamongmyteammatesandcompetitors.
Ihopeyoucanseethisnow,Father.InTartarusorwhateverholetheuniversedecidedtoshoveyouinto.Ihopeit’sdarkandhorribleandyou’resufferinggreatly
Thingshappenquicklyafterthat.SeveralpeopledressedinAthena’sspecialforcesuniform—blackshirt,blackpants,aswoopingowlontherightshoulder—appearandusherusoffthepodiumsandtowardtheentrancewheretheotherchampionscamein.Thistime,Achillesdoesn’tattempttooffermeahanddown,whichisgoodbecauseIdon’tlikemyoddsatkeepingcontrolofmyexpression.
Thechampionsareledthroughaseriesofconcretehallways,throughalockerroom,andoutintoawaitingroomwithasingleexit.Thetallestofthesoldiersguidesustoalineofvanswithblacked-outwindows.
Iliftmybrows.“Isn’tthisabitmuch?”
Inresponse,theyopenthedoorandgivemeanunreadablelook.“It’syourchoice.”
It’sreallynotachoiceatall.FailingtofollowprotocolnowmeansI’meliminatedbeforethetrialsevenbegin.Isighandclimbintothebackofthesecondvan.Itdoesn’toccurtomeuntilfartoolatethatIshouldhavewatchedwhereeveryoneelsewasgoingandchosenaccordingly.Bythattime,Parisisalreadyclimbingintomyvanandsittingnexttome,tooclose.Hectorfollows,aresignedexpressiononhishandsomeface.Atalantaroundsoutourfoursome,herlocspulledbackfromherscarredface.
Parisleansclose,hisfeaturessoperfectthatIhavethesuddendesiretobreakhisnoseandgivehimsomecharacter.NotthatImindedhisprettyfacewhenweweredating.It’swhattrickedmeintogoingoutwithhiminthefirstplace.Hegivesasmallsmilethathasgoosebumpsraisingacrossmyskin.“Helen,whatareyoudoing?”
“I’mnotsurewhatyoumean,Paris.”NomatterhowhardItrytocontrolmytone,mywordsarestrainedbyhisproximity.
Hissmilewidens,hiseyessympathetic.“Igetthatyouweren’thappyaboutbeingthedesignatedprize,butthisisonesteptoofar,don’tyouthink?You’regoingtoembarrassyourselfand,moreimportantly,yourfamily.”
Ican’thelptensing.“Excuseme?”
“Don’tgetmewrong.Youlooksexyasfuckinthatlittlegoldendress.Likeaprincess.”Hemakesasympatheticnoise.“Butyoucan’thonestlyexpecttogetpasteventhefirsttrial.Honey,you’retoodelicateforthat.”
Delicate.
Justanotherwordforweak
Iturnmyfacefromhim.“It’snotyourbusiness,Paris.Worryaboutyourself.”
Helaughs.“Ireallylookforwardtobeingyourhusband,Helen.Itwillgiveusthefreshstartweneed.”
IthinkIhearHectorsighovertheroaringinmyears,butIcan’tbesure.That’sthethingaboutParis;toanyonewhodoesn’tknowhim,hischarming,confidenttoneseemstotallyreasonable.Evenhiswordsaren’tovertlyhorrible.Heusedtokeepthatsamepatientlookonhisfacewhenhe’dburrowundermyskinuntilIturnedintoashriekingmonsterduringourfights.Hemademefeelcrazy,andthatsensationisalltooquicktoriseagainwheneverI’mforcedtointeractwithhim.
“Let’sgetonethingstraight,Paris.”Ikeepmytonesweetandlight,eventhoughIfeellikescreaming.“IfyouwinAresandthinkthatmeansyougetasinglemaritalprivilege,youwon’tlivepastthefirsttimeyoutouchmewithoutmypermission.”
Hesmiles,completelyundaunted.Ican’tbelieveIusedtofindhispersistencesexy.IttookmelongerthanIwanttoadmittorealizethere’safinelinebetweenawelcomepursuitandstraight-upstalking.Parishasanastyhabitofonlyhearingwhathewants.Obviouslyourtimeaparthasnotcuredhimofthathabit.“Whenwe’remarried,I’llhaveplentyoftimetoseduceyou.Youlikedwhatwedidtogetherbefore,Helen.Youwillagain.”
Thistime,Atalantasnorts.Shecrossesonelonglegovertheotherandleansbackagainstthewallofthevan.“Takeahint,prettyboy.She’saboutcrawlingoutofherskintogetawayfromyourightnow.”
She’sright,butIhatethatI’mbeingsotransparent.Iusuallyhaveabetterpokerfacethanthis.Iliftmychin.“I’mmorethancapableofdefendingmyself.”
Atalantagivesacarelesssmile.“Maybe,butI’mgoingtomarryyouwhenIbecomeAres.I’dbeapoorwifeifIdidn’tdefendyouagainstscumlikethis.”
“NooneneedstodefendHelenfromme.”Parisleansin,crowdingme.AllIcansmellishiscologneandmystomachlurchesinresponse.
Atalanta’ssmilegoessharp.“Touchherwithoutherconsentandthat’sassault.Assaultwillgetyoueliminated.”
Parissitsbackwithamutteredcurse,butIcan’tappreciatethenewspace.Mystomachdropsout.Idon’tknowhowIdidn’tconsiderthisinallmyscramblingtoputthisplanintoaction.Byenteringasachampion,I’veinsertedmyselfintoagroupofpeoplewhofullyintendtomarryme.I’mthechumtotheirsharks,tossedintothewatertodrivethemintoafrenzywithmyproximity.
Shit.
7
Achilles
Isuspectthey’retransferringthechampionsoutofthecityproper,justlikePatrocluspredicted,andwe’reprovencorrectwhenthedoorsopentorevealseverallargebuildingssurroundedbytrees.Inthedistance,Icanhearthesoftsoundoftheocean,confirmingthatwe’reonthecoastjustnorthoftheagriculturedistrict.Ifwekeptmovingwest,we’dhitthefarmlandDemeteroversees.
Ajaxhuffsoutabreathashehaulshisbigbodyoutofthevan.Hehasn’tstoppedtalkingsincewesatdown,whichispureAjax.Thatdoesn’tmeanIdon’twanttogaghimtogetsomepeaceandquiet.Hewhistlesunderhisbreathashetakesinthearea.“Tallwalls.”
Ifollowhisgaze.Sureenough,Icanjustseewallsthathavetobetenfeettallcuttingthroughthetrees.They’llencompasstheentireproperty,servingtoprovidebothsafetyandprivacytothechampions.Therewillbeinterviewsandshitatsomepoint,likelyafterthesecondchallengewhentheweakerchampionshavebeeneliminatedandthereareonlyafewleft.Thethoughtmakesmyshoulderstense.Icanfakeit,andfakeitwell,whenIneedto,butthere’sareasonAthenadoesn’tputmeonmissionswhereIhavetotiptoearoundsensitivepersonalities.
I’mahumanwreckingball.Patroclusisthepoliticalone.Healwaysknowstherightsteptotake,therightthingtosay.
Patroclus…andthepersonwalkingtowardusrightnow.Bellerophonistallwithwarmbrownskinandaheadofthickblackcurls.Theyrankhigherthanmeintheshootingrangebutlowerthanmeinhand-to-handcombat.Icanpinthemninetimesoutoften,butthey’resquirrellydespitetheirlonglimbs.
They’realsoafriend,notthatthatmattersrightnow.
Bellerophonstopsinfrontofourragtaggroup.“Groundrules.”Theirvoiceissmoothanddeep.“Youwillbeassignedindividualroomsinthethreeavailabledorms.Fraternizeifyouwant,butdonottrytoharmanyofyourfellowchampions.Doingsoresultsinaninstantdisqualification.Tryingtoleavethispropertywithoutpriorauthorizationwillresultinaninstantdisqualification.”Theymeeteachofourgazesinturn.“Dowehaveanunderstanding?”
Therearevariousgruntsandmutteredassentsinresponse,whichseemtosatisfyBellerophon.“Eachroomhasascheduleformealtimesandopengymtimes,aswellasamapofthecommonarea.Ifyouneedsomethingforyourtrainingthatwedon’thaveonhand,we’llseeaboutgettingit.Firsttrialisthedayaftertomorrow,soyou’llbeexpectedtokeepyourselfentertainedinthemeantimewithoutbecomingapaininmyass.”Theyturnandheadforthefrontdoor.“Let’sgetyoutoyourassignedrooms.”Theypointatthetwopeopleattheirback.“You,taketherightthird.You,themiddle.Everyoneontheleft,comewithme.”Theysweeptheirhandtoencompassme,Patroclus,Helen,andanothersixpeople.
It’shighlyabsurdtohaveabunchoflargewarriorsfollowingBellerophonlikelittleducklings.Well.Abunchofwarriors…andHelenKasios.
EvenbeingwarnedaheadoftimebyPatroclus,itwasstillashocktoseehershowuplikethat.Ithoughtforsureshe’dgetcoldfeetandbackout.What’sapamperedprincessgoingtobeabletodoagainstthesecompetitors?She’snotlikeAtalanta.AtalantaisoneofArtemis’speople.Thewomanisascrapperandshe’sfiercelycompetitive.She’snotonetounderestimate
Helen?
That’sadifferentstoryaltogether
“Stopglaring,”Patroclusmurmurs.
Iturnmyglareathiminstead.We’renotexclusivebyanymeans;weneverhavebeen.WhatwehaveworksforusandI’mnotexactlyeagertochangeit…ButIcan’thelpmymixedfeelingsabouthowclosehecametosayingyestoHelenlastnight.He’snotonetoberuledbyhisemotionsandbaserlusts,andhealmostthrewcautiontothewindandactedagainstbothourbestintereststogetachancetotakehertobed.Thatmakesherdangerousinawaythathasnothingtodowithcombat.
“StopstaringatHelen’sass,”Imutterrightback.
Heliftshisbrows,hissilentcensuremakingmeevensnarlier.Patroclusholdsthedooropenformeandfollowsmeintothediminteriorofthedorm.Ibarelynoticetheexpensivefurnishingsandthetastefulcolorscheme.AllIcanseeisthegoldenswayofHelen’shipsandassasshewalksinfrontofus.Surelyshe’sputtingalittlemoreswingineachsteptotormentmeinrevengeforthatlittlestuntIpulledwiththepodium.
I’mnotgoingtoapologizeforit.IsawanopportunityandItookit.Simpleasthat.There’sreallynothingelsetosay.
“Achilles,controlyourself.”
Normally,IembracePatroclus’scalmingeffect.Rightnow,IkindofwanttoshovehimintoaroomandfuckhimuntilI’mallhecanthinkof,insteadofacertainspoiledprincess.Gods,I’mfuckedintheheadoverthis.Ithoughtlastnightwouldbetheworstofit,whenshocktangledupwithjealousyandmademyheadspin.ApparentlyIwaswrong.Ishouldbeconcentratingonwhatcomesnextandmentallypreparing,butallIcanthinkaboutisthosetwotogether.
Itwouldbequitethesight.Fuck,ifshewasanyoneelse,I’dmakeacaseforPatroclusandherallowingmetowatch…maybetoparticipateabit,too.Butsheisn’tanyoneelse.
She’sHelenKasios.
PreciousprincessofOlympus.
SistertobothZeusandAphrodite.FuturewifeofthenextAres.
Fuckingherisoutofthequestion.Gettingnearheratallisoutofthequestion,afactthatcomplicatesthecurrentsituationbecausesomeoneisgoingtoknockheroutofthecompetition,whichmeanstherewillbebadbloodbetweenherandwhoeverthatmaybe.Itcan’tbeme.Fuck,itcan’tbePatroclus,either,becausehe’sapermanentfixtureinmylifeandwillbeevenafterIbecomeAres.Creatinganimositybetweenherandeitherofusisaterribleidea.
She’sputeverysinglechampioninatrulyshittyposition,andshedoesn’tseemtocare.WhichjustlinesupwithwhatIknowabouther.Selfish,pamperedprincess.Shedecidedshedidn’twanttobetheprize,soshethrewatantrumandenteredthecompetitionherself,despitebeingoutmatchedandoutgunned.Shehasnofuckingchanceofwinning.Frankly,itpissesmeoff.
Shepissesmeoff.
“Stopglaring,”Patroclusrepeats.
“Nooneheretoseeit.”
Bellerophonturnsdownaseriesofhallstoonethathasthreeoffshoots.Theypointtothefirstone.“Threepeopleinhere.Roomchoiceisuptoyou,butdon’tgetpreciousaboutit.”Weallwaitforthosethreetopeeloffandheaddowntheshorthalltothepairofdoorsoneithersideandthenwalktothesecondhallway.“Threemore.”
Ithappenssoquickly.Theypeeloffandthenthere’sjustthreeofusleft.Me.Patroclus.Helen.Fuck.
“Lastthree.”
Helendoesn’tlookatanyofus,marchingdownthehallway.Ihatehowgorgeoussheis.Hershortgoldendressseemsdesignedtocatcheveryrayoflight,moldingtoherathleticbodyandgivingatrulyexcellentviewofherroundass.IfIremembercorrectly,sheusedtobeagymnastorsomeshitlikethat.Lookingatherbody,Ibelieveit.
Adayago,I’dhavesaidmyattractiontoherisn’tabadthing.Iplantomarrythewoman,afterall.Attractionisnearenoughtolikingsomeonethatwecouldhavemadesomethingwork.
NowI’mnotsosure.
Helenglancesoverhershoulder,liftingherbrowswhenIjerkmygazetoherface.“Thisone’smine.”Sheopensthemiddledoorandstepsinside,closingitwithaclickthatfeelsfinal.Didshechoosethatroomsoshe’dshareawallwithbothofus?Ihighlydoubtit.Nomatterhowprettyhersmile,she’sobviouslynotthatsavvyifshe’shereinthefirstplace.
Bellerophoncrossestheirarmsovertheirchest.“Isthisroomingarrangementgoingtobeaproblem?”
“No,”Ianswerquickly.Tooquickly.
Theygivemealonglook.“Iwasn’tawareyouhavehistorywithHelen.”
“Idon’t.Wedon’t.”Idon’tgiveafuckifPatroclususedtobesandboxplaymateswithher.Thatwasalongtimeagoandit’sancienthistorynow.Hefeelsnoloyaltytoher.“Thisisfine.”
“Itisfine.”Patroclusshakeshishead.“Theroomarrangementschangenothing.”
That’stheproblem;mymanhadaplanandnowhereinthatplandiditincludeuscompetingagainstHelenherself.KnowingPatroclus,heneedssomequiettimetogethisthoughtsinorderandfigureoutanupdatedstrategy.HethinksbestwhenI’mnot“hovering”ashecallsit.
Inod.“I’llbeoverinabit.”
“Achilles.”Heholdsmygaze.“Don’tdoanythingimpulsive.”
Ilaughandputonmymostcharmingsmile.“Me?Impulsive?Never.”
“Uh-huh.”Patroclusshakeshisheadandwalkstothedoorontheright,disappearingthroughit.
Oncehe’sgone,IturntoBellerophon.“Athenaaround?”
“No.”Theyproptheirhandsontheirhips.“Evenifshewere,shedoesn’tanswertoyouandshehasherownreasonsforallowingHelentoparticipate.It’stoolatetodoanythingaboutitbutmoveforward.Keepyoureyeontheball,Achilles.We’reallrootingforyou.”
Ofcoursetheywere.HavingmeasAreswouldcreateanewpeacebetweenAresandAthenathathasn’texistedindecades.Bythenatureofthetwotitles’responsibilities,asoftenastheyworktogether,they’realsocompetingforthesameresources.AresholdsthesecurityforcesthatmostoftheThirteenutilizeandAthenaheadsupthespecialforces.BothanswerdirectlytoZeus,andthelastZeuslikedtoplaythemagainsteachother.Thisonepromisestorulewithamoreevenhand,buthavingoneofAthena’sformerpeopleasAreswouldsmooththewayevenmore.
“I’llgetitdone.”Inudgetheirshoulder.“I’mthebest,afterall.”
“Yeah,yeah.”Theysnort.“Getsomerestandtrytostayoutoftrouble.”Bellerophonhesitates.“AndkeepanextraeyeontheMinotaurandTheseus.Theyseemliketrouble.”
“Ithinkso,too.”Wedon’tgetalotofoutsidersinOlympusbynatureofthedifficultytopassinandoutofthecity.Abarrierwrapsthecityandsurroundingarea,largeenoughtoencompassthefarmlandDemeteroverseesandensurethepeoplearefed.I’venevergottenasolidansweronwhyPoseidonandaselectfewofhispeopleareabletopassbackandforthfreely.Patroclushashistheoriesandithastodowithbloodlines,butthatshitisabovemypaygrade.Forbetterorworse,OlympusiswhereIwasbornandit’swhereIwillmakemymark.Icouldn’tgiveashitabouttherestoftheworldoutsideit.
IeyethedoorHelendisappearedthrough.Ineedtohaveaconversationwiththelittleprincess.TheglanceIshootatPatroclus’sdoorisn’tquiteguilty,butIcan’thelpfeelingitasIlightlyraponHelen’sdoor.Hetoldmetobehave,andI’mprettydamnsurehewouldn’tapproveoftheconversationI’mabouttohave.
Ifthere’sevenachanceIcangetHelentoresignaschampion,Ishouldtry.It’sbetterforeveryoneifshe’snotcompeting—evenher.Patrocluswouldagreewiththatreasoning…Probably
Helenopensthedoorbutdoesn’tmoveoutoftheway.Shealsodoesn’tseemsurprisedtoseeme.“Achilles.”
“Weshouldtalk.”There.That’sniceandneutral.
Sheconsidersmeforalongmomentbeforefinallysteppingbackandholdingopenthedoor.“Youshouldknow,ifyoutrysomething,Iwillmakeyouregretit.”
I’mcarefulnottobrushagainsthersmallerbodyasIstepintotheroom.I’mabigguy,andI’mnotashamedtosayI’veusedmysizetointimidatepeopleinthepast.Itwaspartofmyjob,afterall,butthat’snotwhatI’mhereforrightnow.Evenknowingthat,mymouthgetsawayfromme.“Whatareyougoingtodo,princess?Stomponmyfootwithoneofthosespikeheels?Thatwon’tslowdownanywarriorwho’sworthadamn.”
“Hmm.”Helenshutsthedoorandleansagainstit,consideringme.Italmostlooksasifshe’smeasuringmeupasanopponent.“Spikeheelscandoplentyofdamageagainstotherpartsofyourbody.”Shegivesmyhipsapointedlook.
Thatsurprisesalaughoutofme.“I’dliketoseeyoutryit.”
“Don’ttemptmewithagoodtime.”
Thisinteractionisn’tgoingatalllikeIexpected.ThepreciousprincessofOlympusshouldhaveswoonedatthefirsthintofathreat,nomatterhowveiled.Thiswomanlookslikeshe’salltoowillingtofollowthroughonherthreatandsinkoneofthoseimpressiveheelsintomyfleshybits.
Ishiftclosertoherdespitemyself.“Youthinkyoucantakeme.”
“Baby,IknowIcan.”Helenmeetsmehalfway,plantingherfeetandalmostdaringmetoclosethelastbitofdistancebetweenus.Shelooksmeupanddown,andIdon’tthinkIimaginethelickofheatinherambereyes.“Thebiggertheyare,thehardertheyfall.”
“AsifIcouldn’tsquashyouwithonearmtiedbehindmyback.”WhatthefuckamIdoing?Threateningthiswoman?It’snoteventhatshe’sawoman.Idon’tbelieveinthatstereotypicalbullshitaboutconsideringwomennoncombatantswhentheyareobviouslymorethancapableofbeingdangerousenemies.AnyonewhounderestimatesAthenabarelyliveslongenoughtoregretit.
Ijustdidn’texpecttofindanenemyinthiswoman.Ifthat’sevenwhatsheis.Enemyfeelslikeastrongword,butwhatelsedoIcallher?ShewantstosnatchawaythethingIdesiremostinthisworld,thetitleI’vespentmyentirelifechasing.Enemyistheonlylabelthatdoesherjustice
Helenlicksherlips.“Proveit.”
Iplantonehandonthedoornexttoherhead.Thenewpositionhasmeleaningdownoverher,andevenasavoicethatsoundsawholelotlikePatrocluswhispersthatthisisamistake,thatwepromisedtostayawayfromher,Ican’tseemtotriggermybrakes.“You’renotgoingtowinthistournament,princess.You’renotgoingtobecomethenextAres.Fuck,you’reprobablynotgoingtogetpastthefirsttrial.Thislittlerebellionofyoursiscutebutultimatelymeaningless.Yourfateistostanduponthatpodiumandgreetyournewspousewhentheyemergevictorious.”Igrin.“GreetmewhenIstepforwardasthenewAres.”
IfIwasn’twatchinghersoclosely,Iwouldmissthewaysheflinchesthetiniestbit.Somethinglikeguilttriestoclamparoundmychest,butIignoreit.There’smoreatstakethanthiswoman’sfeelings.“Leave.Gobacktoyourfancypenthouseandprettydresses.You’regoingtogethurtifyoustayhere.”
Helenleansbackagainstthedoor,easinganotherinchofdistancebetweenus,thoughherhairbrushesmythumbandIhavethemostridiculousurgetomovemyhandalittleclosertomakeithappenagain.Sheliftsherchin,somehowmanagingtolookdownhernoseatmedespitebeingfarshorter.“Areyougoingtohurtme,Achilles?”
“Idon’twantto.”It’sthetruth.Itakenojoyinsmashingopponentsclearlyphysicallyweakerthanme.Ialsocan’taffordtobepreciousaboutmyhonorrightnow,notwiththestakessohigh.“Butyeah,Iwill.”
Shenarrowsthoseprettyeyes.“AndPatroclus.Doyouthinkhe’llhurtme?”
Noneedtobeageniustoreadbetweenthoselines.IleandownuntilI’mrightinherface,beingatotaldickaboutoursizedifferences.“Leavehimalone,princess.Idon’tgiveafuckifyouusedtoknowhim.Youdon’tanymore.He’snotlikeus.Hefeelstoofuckingmuch,andyou’llbreakhissoftdamnheartifyoubrushagainsthimcarelessly.”Fuck,Ididn’tmeantosaythat,either.Istraighten.“Imeanit,Helen.Leavehimthefuckalone.”
Shegivesmeaslowsmilethathasalarmbellsringingthroughmyhead.“Hetoldyouaboutlastnight,didn’the?”
“What’sthathavetodowithanything?”
“Achilles.”SheshakesherheadlikeI’machildwho’sdisappointedher.“Baby,yousoundjealous.Ifyourrelationship—yournon-exclusiverelationship—withPatroclusissostrong,whocaresifIfuckhimuntilheforgetshisname?”Herexpressiongoesalmostcontemplative.“MaybeI’llfuckhimuntilheforgetsyourname.Thatwouldbequitethetrick.”
“Staythefuckawayfromhim,Helen.”
Shepressesahandtomychest,pushinguntilIretreatastepandthenanother.Helenusesthenewdistancetoopenthedoor.“Thiswasanicechat,Achilles.Weshoulddoitagainsometime.”
Acleardismissal,andonewithoutapromisetostayawayfromPatroclusorresignfromthetournament.ImightlaughifIweren’tsofrustrated.Shemanagedtoruncirclesaroundme.She’salsoright;I’mfuckingjealousofthefactshemadeapassatPatrocluslastnight.More,shegottohimandturnedhishead.
It’sonlywhenI’vesteppedintomyroomandshutthedoorbetweenmeandtherestoftheworldthatIcanadmitIdon’tknowwhoI’mmorejealousof.
Helen,fortryingtosleepwithPatroclus.
OrPatroclusforhavingthechancetotakeOlympus’spreciousprincesstobed.
8
Patroclus
Itdoesn’tmatterwhichscenarioIrun,theresultisalwaysambiguous.HelenKasiosenteringthetournamenthascomplicatedthings.Theproblemisn’tthatshe’saformidableopponent—thoughIcan’trulethatout,nomatterwhatassumptionsAchillesinsistsonmaking.No,theissueishowherpresencedisruptstheotherchampions.HerbeingheremightcausethemtoactinwaysIcan’tanticipate,andthatisdoinganumberonmyhead.
Paris’semotionsarecompromisedwhenitcomestoHelenbecauseoftheirhistory.Ican’tdecideifthatmeanshe’lltrytohelphertogetinhergoodgracesorgooutofhiswaytoensureshe’seliminatedearly.
Hectorhasobviousguiltaboutthewayhisbrotherhastreatedher,andthatmightcausehimtohelpherifitoutweighshisloyaltytoParis.
EvenAchillesisactingslightlyoutofcharacter,histempershorterthannormaleversinceIgavehimtherundownonwhathappenedwithHelenlastnight.
IfI’mgoingtobeperfectlyhonest,myreactionsareoffasaresultofherpresenceaswell.Ican’tstopexaminingmyunexpectedattractiontothewomanfromdifferentangles,asifhyperfocusingonitwillbringclarity.Itwouldbeeasieriftheonlythingthatdrewmewasherbeauty.Thatwouldmakelogicalsense.Unfortunately,it’s…messier…thanthat.Ifeelaconnectionwithherbecauseofourhistory,ancientthoughitmaybe.Idesirehernow.Fuck,Irespectherforenteringthetournamentandtakingherfateintoherownhands,evenifit’scomplicatedmylife.
ThebottomlineisIfeeldrawntoher.It’snotconvenientandit’snotlogical,andthebattlingdesiresbetweenwantingtofollowmyoriginalplanandwantingtogoknockonHelen’sdoortojustbeclosertoheraremakingmewanttocrawloutofmyskin.
Iamnotamanwhoisatwarwithhimself.Irunscenarios.Iuselogicandreason.Emotionsplayintoit—I’mhuman,afterall—buttheydon’truleme.Mybraindoes.
Untilnow,whenIcanleastaffordtoaltermycourse.
Aknockonmydoorhasmyheartbeatspeedingup,andIcursemyselfforthefledglinghopethatit’sher.It’snot.Ofcourseit’snot.Helenhasnoreasontoseekmeout.Wehaven’tspokeninmorethantwentyyearsasidefromlastnight,andthatwasaconversationofcircumstance.She’dbeencaughtputtinghernameinasachampionandwantedtopersuademetosilence.Sheprobablyhasn’tgivenitanotherthought.
AsecondknockisinthebrisktempoIrecognizeasAchilles’spreferredwayofannouncinghe’sabouttoenteraroom.Ibitebackasighandopenthedoorbeforehedecidestoknockitdown.Henearlybowlsmeoverenteringtheroom.“Thatwomanisamenace.”
Istare.“YouwenttotalktoHelen.”WhyamIsurprised?Ofcourse,thefirstchancehegot,heimmediatelywentbackonhisdeterminationthatwestayawayfromher.Achilleshashisendgameinmind,andhewon’ttakekindlytoHelenthrowingawrenchinthegears.Naturally,hedecidedtoseeifhecouldtalkherintoresigning.Ifthat’sallitwas…Ipushthethoughtaway.Ihavenoreasontodoubthim.“Youshouldhaveaskedmefirst.She’snotgoingtochangehermind.”
“IthoughtIcouldtalkheroutofit.”
Ihuffoutabreathandheadforthelittlekitchenettepositionedinthecornerofthelivingareaofthissuite.I’dhavetowalkthroughAchilles’sroomtobesure,butI’dwagerthesuitesarealllaidoutthesame.Maindoorintothelivingroomwithasmallcouch,television,andcoffeetable.Kitchenettetuckedagainstthefarwallwithsink,minifridgefilledwithsnacksandasmallselectionofalcohol,andamicrowave.Shorthallwaybacktothebedroomandbathroomwithitsridiculousshoweranddeeptub.
Thecouchissturdyenough.Idon’tbothertobegentlewhenIsit.“Toldyouso.”
“Idon’tneedyoutofuckingmanageme,Patroclus.”Buthefollowsmeoveranddropsdownbesidemewithagrunt.“She’sgoingtogethurt.”
“It’sprobable.”
“Yougoodwiththat?”
Igivehimthelookthatquestiondeserves.HeknowsdamnwellI’mnotgoodwithit,butatleastinthissituation,IhavetomimicAchilles’sdeterminationanddrive.Ican’taffordtocareaboutHelen.She’sbarelymorethanastrangertomenow,anyway.It’snotlogicaltocareabouther,beautifulorno,historyorno.“Ihighlydoubtitwillbeserious.EventhenewAreswillhavetoanswertoZeus,andnoonewantstopisshimoffbyseriouslyinjuringhislittlesister.”
Achillescatchesmyhesitation.“But?”
“But…”Ireallydon’twanttogetintothis,butit’sbeennaggingmefromthemomentthechampionsputtheirnamesforward“Butwedon’thavemuchinformationonthetwonon-Olympians.Ican’tcompletelyrulethemoutasdangerous.”
“Eitherway,webothneedtostayawayfromHelen.She’soff-limits.”Hegivesmealonglook.“Agreed?”
Someirrationalpartofmewantstopushback,butthatdoesn’tmakesense.Wedon’thavemanygroundrules,sowhenoneofusrequestssomethinglikethis,it’simportantfortheoverallhealthoftherelationshiptorespectthatrequest.Ican’trememberthelasttimeithappened.MaybeafewyearsagowhenIaskedAchillesnottopursueCassandra.Thattimewasn’toutofanyjealousy,though.IjustnoticedthewayApollolookedather—stilllooksather,ifthelasteventweattendedisanyindication.NooneneedsApollogunningforthem.
Inodslowly.“Ialreadyagreedlastnight.Nothing’schangedsincethen.Helenisoff-limits.”
“Good.”Achillesstretchesouthisbigbody,kickingoffhisshoesandsettinghisfeetonthecoffeetable.Hecatchesmyfrownandlaughs.“Thisisn’tourplace.WhocaresifIhavemyfeetonthetable?”
“It’sstillrude.”
“Relax,Patroclus.”Henudgesmewithhiselbow.“We’rewherewe’resupposedtobe.It’llallworkout.”
Ifrownharderinresponse.“Don’tpullthatlazygodbullshitwithme,Achilles.Iknowyou’reworriedaboutthis.”Hemightputonthemaskforotherpeople,buthe’snotsupposedtodoitwithme.“Weneedto—”
“Weneedtorelax.”Hehooksahandaroundthebackofmyneckandtowsmedownintoakiss.It’salittlerough,alittlesweet,andallAchilles.I’mtemptedtokeeparguing,buthe’sright.I’llgoroundandroundincirclesfordaysaboutthis.Sometimesclickingoffmybrainistherightcall,andwecan’ttakeanyactionuntilthefirsttrial.So…
“Patroclus.”Henipsmybottomlip.“You’restillthinkingtoohard.”
“Sorry.”
Helaughs.“GoodthingIknowatrickortwotohelpwiththat.”Achillesshifts,movingtokneelbetweenmylegs.Thespacereallyisn’tbigenoughforbothofuslikethis,butIdon’tsayasinglewordasheundoesmyjeansandjerksthemdownmyhips.Hegivesmeadevilishgrin.“Iloveitwhenyoulookatmelikethat.”
Godsonlyknowwhatmyfaceisdoing,butmomentslikethesefeelalmosttoogoodtobereal.Thisman,thispowerhouseofagoldengod,ismine,atleastinpart.Achilleswasmeanttobestandinginfrontofacrowdofscreamingpeople,tobethecenteroftheirattention,theonetheyadoreandwilltellstoriesabout.He’slargerthanlife,evenwhenperformingthenormalactivitiesthatAthenarequiresofus.
It’seventruernow,onhiskneesandwrappingafistaroundmycock.Ikeepwaitingforthedayherealizesitandleavesmeintherearview.Achilleswillalwayshavehisgazeonthestars.Andme?Myfeetarefirmlyrootedintheearth.Itseemsinevitablethathe’llmovebeyondmesomeday,soItrytocherisheverymomentwehave,storingthemupagainstthewinterofmyfuturewithouthisshiningwarmthinit.
Hedipsdownandtakesmycockintohismouth,andmythoughtsfadeinthefaceofsomuchpleasure.We’vebeentogetherforsolong.Weknowexactlywhattouch,stroke,pressuretheotherrequirestogetoffthehardest.Achillesisn’tsprintingtothatdestinationlikelastnight,though.Hismouthdescendsmylengthinaslow,wetslidethattellsmeheintendstotakehistime.Hemightbeimpulsive,butwhenAchillessetshismindonatask,he’sfearsomeintheextreme.
Apparentlyhe’ssethismindonmypleasuretonight.
Isinkmyhandsintohisdarkhair,nottryingtoguide,merelyalongfortheride.Heteasesme,alternatingthedeepstrokeswithlonglicksandflicksofhistongue.MylegsstarttoshakealltoosoonandIyankonhishair.“Achilles!”
Hisslowsmilemakesmychesthurt.Timeslikethesearedamnnearperfect.Tooperfect.HowcanInotwaitfortheothershoetodrop?Hewrapshisfistaroundmycockandgivesmeafewslowstrokes.“I’mgoingtotakeyoutobed.Don’tbequiet.”
Understandingdawnsslowlywithinthefogofmydesire.Iglanceatthewall…thewallIsharewithHelen.“Youwanthertohear.”
Heshrugs,completelyunrepentant.“I’mstillfeelingalittlejealous.”
TheconceptofAchillesjealousofanyoneisalmostbeyondcomprehension.MaybeI’maselfishasshole,becauseIkindoflikeit.Itugonhishairagain,moregentlythistime.“Iwon’ttrytobequiet,butwhetherthingsgetlouddependsonyou.”
Hegrins,justlikeIexpectedhimto.“Challenge:accepted.”Heriseseasilydespitekneelingforsolongandgrabsmyhandtotugmetomyfeet.Westumbledownthehallway,kissingandrubbingoneachotherlikeapairoffumblingteenagers,butthesecondwereachthebedroom,he’sfocusedinonmeagain.AchillesknocksawaymyhandswhenIreachforthehemofmyshirt.“Letme.”
“Bossy.”
“Youlikeit.”Hepullsmyshirtovermyheadandskimsmypantstherestofthewaydownmylegs.Andthenhe’ssurgingtohisfeetandtakingmymouthagain.Thistime,thereisnogentleness,nosweetness.Achilleskissesmelikeaconqueringwarlord,andIamalltoowillingtocedetothedemandofhistongue.Hestripsinbetweenkissesashebacksmetothebed.
ItrytomovebacksoIcanappreciatetheview,buthe’shavingnoneofit.Heshovesdownhispantsandthenhe’sonmeagain,bearingmedowntothemattressandsettlingontopofme.Imightbetaller,buthe’smuchlarger,andmomentslikethesereallyhighlightthedifferences.Hestrokeshishandsovermyarmsanddownmysides.“Idon’twanttowaitanymore.”
“Impatient.”
“Foryou?Always.”
Iarchupandkisshim.TherearetimeswhenIwanttheslowbuildupandthecarefulreadyingthatbeingwithamanAchilles’ssizesometimesrequires,buttonightI’mjustasimpatientasheis.“Yes.Ineedyounow.Idon’twanttowait.”
Hemovesoffmelongenoughtoyankopenthenightstand.I’malreadyblushingwhenhelaughsbecauseIknowwhathe’sgoingtosay.I’mright.Achillesshakeshishead.“We’vebeenheretwentyminutesandyoualreadyunpacked?”
“Idon’tlikelivingoutofasuitcase.”
Hefishesoutthebottleoflubeandgivesmeasearinglook.“Iknow.”
Iwatch,myheartinmythroat,ashespreadslubeontohiscock.LiketherestofAchilles’sbody,it’sinperfectproportion…whichmeansit’srathermassive.Evenafterallthistime,there’samomentofhesitationmixedinwithmyanticipation,thefeelingreachingnewheightsashebeginstoeasehiscockintomyass.Aroughmoanslipsfree,andhesinksdeeperinresponse.“Iwanttowatchyoucomealloveryourstomach.Ifuckingloveitwhenyoulosecontrollikethat.”
Myabilitytoformwordsisrapidlydisappearing.Allthat’sleftisdesire.Iarchupandkisshim.Ineedtobeconsumedentirely.There’snothoughtforanythingelsebuttakingmoreofhimintomoreofme.AchillesseemstosenseexactlywhatIcravebecausehethrustsfullyintomeandletshisbodyweightrestmorefirmlyonmine,pressingmeintothemattressashekissesmelikeheneedsmemorethanairtobreathe.
Ifeelthesame.
It’senough.It’sperfect.Wecouldstayforeverlikethis,poisedinthismomentwherelustandlovemeet.
Butourdesirewon’tbesoeasilysated.Hestartstomovefirst,tinylittlethruststhathavememoaningandwrithingforhim.It’sgood,toofuckinggood.Itrytolast,toholdout,butI’veneverwonabattleofwillsagainstAchilles.Tonightwon’tbethemomentIstart.
Igriphiship,aroughmoanslippingfree.Hegrins.“More.”
I’mhelplesstodoanythingbutobey.Everythrustdragsanothermoanfrommylips.Itfeelssogoodtohavehimfuckmelikethis,allhisfocusnarrowedonmeandmealone.Eachthrustisroughandperfectlycontrolled,designedtocurlmytoesandshortoutwhatlittlethoughtremainsinmyhead.BythetimemybodyoverridesmycontrolandIcomeallovermystomachandchest,I’mchantinghisname.
Achillesshiftsback,proppinghimselfuponhishandsashepicksuphispace,chasinghisownpleasure.Hedevoursmewithhisdarkgaze,apossessivestrokethatIcanalmostfeelovermyfaceanddowntowheremyseedmarksmyskin.“You’remine,Patroclus.”Hecurses,hisrhythmgoingirregular.“AndI’myours.Sayit.”
“I’myours,”Igaspout.Ireachdowntograbhiships,urginghimdeeper.“Andyou’remine.”
Atleastfornow.
9
Helen
Idon’ttouchmyselftothesoundofAchillesfuckingPatroclus…butit’sanearthing.
Therhythmicthumpingofhisheadboard,interspersedwithlowmoansandPatrocluspracticallyyellingAchilles’sname,doesn’tdomuchformyabilitytosleep.Ilieinmybedandtryveryhardnottopicturethosetwogoingatit.They’rebothfartooattractiveformyframeofmind,andI’mfartooattractedtobothofthem.Ifweweren’tallcompetingforthesametitle,Imightputalittlemoreeffortintoseducingoneortheother…orboth
Bymylogic,sleepingwithoneofthemisgood,sosurelybothoftheminmybedwouldbeaphenomenalnight.
Irolloverandpunchmypillow.Mydesireforthemmightbereal—andinconvenient—butit’sjustmyrecklessnesstalking.Ispendsomuchofmylifecarvingoutthesensitivepartsofmyselfsonooneelsecanseethem,touchthem,hurtthem.Isitanywonderthatalltheuglybitsbubbleupandoverwhelmmefromtimetotime?ThatoccasionallylivinginthisskinistoomuchandIneedanoutlet?
TherewasatimewhenIchosemoreself-destructivemethodsthansextorelievethatpressure.Idon’tliketothinkaboutitnow,butitwasn’tlikeIhadthetoolstodealwithlivinginZeus’shouseholdinahealthyway.Itwasn’tuntilIstartedsneakingtotherapyattwentythatImanagedtocurbtheworstofmyimpulses.Mytherapistisn’tthrilledaboutmeusingsextoappeasethaturge,butwehaveacompromise.IamalwayssafeandalwayscarefulaboutwhoIsleepwith,evenwhenI’mdoingthingsIknowIshouldn’t.Itseemslikeanoxymoronbutitworks.
SleepingwitheitherAchillesorPatroclus—orboth—isnotsafeorcareful.Yes,Iwantthem,thoughIalsowanttoshoveAchillesoutawindow.ButPatrocluswasrighttoturnmedowntheothernight.Nottomention…Gods,Idon’tevenknowhimanymore.Notreally.AndIsureasfuckdon’tknowAchillesatall.TheymightbejustasmuchmonsterasParisis;Ididn’tseehistruecolorsuntilitwasfartoolateforaneasyescape.Sexcomplicatesthings,evenwiththemostemotionallyunavailableperson.SexwithtwomenwhowantthesamethingIdo,whowillcrushmydreamswithoutasecondthought?
Surely,I’mnotthatself-destructive.
Surely.
Ontheothersideofthewall,thebedstartsthumpingagain.
“Areyoufuckingserious?”There’snosleepinglikethis.Imightaswellnoteventry.Ifitwereanothersituation,Imightappreciatetheirstamina,butI’mtiredandoverwhelmedandlisteningtoPatroclusgethisbackblownoutismakingmebothcrankierandgreenwithenvy.
Isighandclimboutofbed.Maybethecouchismorecomfortablethanitlooks.Wedon’thaveoverlylonguntilthefirsttrial,andIneedsleepandtobementallypreparing.Itshouldbeeasy.ThisiswhatIwant,afterall.ButwhenItrytogathermythoughtsaboutme,theyscatterlikemarbles.
I’mjusttired.That’sall.
AsIpaddownthehallandstepintothemainlivingarea,IhalfexpecttofindHermesandDionysuspokingaround.Theyliketoplaythepartofstraycats,alwaysshowingupinyourhousewhenyouleastexpectit.Except…I’mnothomeandeventhosetwowouldhesitatetotrespassonAthena’spropertyduringtheArestournament.
Sillytomissthem.Sillytomissmyapartmentandmycarefullycuratedbedroom.SillytohavethefaintesthurtthatneitherPerseusorErishavecometocheckonmeoryellatmeorevenacknowledgehowthoroughlyI’vefuckeduptheirplans.Idon’tknowwhyIexpectedit.Ourfathertaughtustoowell.Whenhewastrulyfuriousatmeforonethingoranother,hewouldstopacknowledgingmyexistence.Inhindsight,Ishouldhavetakenthatfortheblessingitwas,butIhadevenlessself-controlasachild.Iwouldgetlouder,angrier,moredramatic,andhewouldsimplyignoremeasifIwerereallyaghostbangingonthewallsthatnoonecouldseeorhear.
Ishudder.IhatethatmysiblingsareusingZeus’soldtricks.Theyknowhowmuchithurtwhenhe’ddothat,andthey’redoingitanyway…Ishakemyhead.“Waytomakeyourselfthecenterofeveryone’suniverse,Helen.They’reprobablyoffdoingimportantThirteenthings,andI’mtoofardownthelistofpriorities.”Ican’tkeepthebitternessoutofmyvoice.AtleastI’mtheonlyonetowitnessit.
Icirclethelivingroom.Timeslikethese,whenI’mfeelingparticularlyisolated,Ihavethenearlyoverwhelmingurgetocallmylittlebrother,Hercules.Weweren’tparticularlyclosegrowingup.Evenfromayoungage,hewastooearnest,toopure,anditmadehimatargetofourfather’sfirminstruction.Therestofusdistancedourselvesfromhimtoavoidthesamefate.Inhindsight,thecowardicetastesfoulonmytongue.Maybeifwe’dtriedtostepin…
Butthejoke’sonuseldersiblings.Herculesgotout.He’slivinginahappylittlepolyamorousrelationshipinCarverCity,freerinhisexilethanheeverwaswithinthesecitylimits.MostpeoplewholiveinOlympusaresofocusedonthecitycenterthattheyneverstoptothinkabouthowwe’reessentiallyratstrappedinacage.
Ultimately,thebarrier’sexistencedoesn’tmatter.Forbetterorworse,IhavenointentionofleavingOlympus.
IamgladHerculesgotout,though.I’mgladhe’shappy.He’sverycarefultokeephisloversawayfromus,toshieldthemfromthetaintofthiscityandtheKasiosfamily.Smartman.TherestofusarestilldancingtothetuneOlympussets.
Iwon’tcallHerculesthistime,justasIhaven’tcalledhimanyoftheothertimeswhenlonelinessandself-pitythreatenedtobecomeoverwhelming.Theideaofhiswarmattitudeisgreatintheory,butwehavenothingtotalkabout,andanawkwardsiblingconversationwhereitbecomesclearhowdistantwereallyareisworsethannottalkingtohimatall.
IheadbackintothebedroomandglareatthewallwhereIcanstillhearAchillesandPatroclusfucking.“Thecouchitis.”Idragthecomforteroffthebedanddomybesttomakethecouchcomfortable.It’sobviouslynotmeantforthistypeofthing,butjustwhenIthinkI’llnevergettosleep…Iwakeuptothemorninglightstreamingthroughthewindow.
Isitupandrubmyeyes.Mybackfeelslikeit’sgotapermanentkinkinit,buthopefullythatwilldispelonceI’mupandmoving.Istaggertothefridgeandeyetheschedulethat’sbeenputthere.AquickglanceattheclockonthemicrowavesaysIneedtohurryifIwanttomakebreakfast.SinceIcan’tcookmywayoutofapaperbag,skippingacateredbreakfastisn’tanoption.Ineedmystrength,whichmeansIneedthecalories.
Aquickshowerlater,Ipullmyhairbackintoasimplebraidandgetdressedinrunningtightsandasportsbra.AfterIeatalightbreakfast,I’mgoingtofindthegymandworkmyselfhardenoughtoearnanapthisafternoon.HopefullyAchillesandPatroclustaketomorrow’strialasseriouslyasIdoanddon’tplantohaveanotherall-nighter.Igrimaceatthethoughtofanothernightonthecouch.
Honestly,ifthey’regoingtobefuckinglikerabbits,maybeI’llrequestaroomchangeandtakeAchilles’sroomsoIdon’tneedtoshareawallwiththem.Itwasasillypowerplaytotakethemiddleroom,butIdidn’tthinkI’dcometoregretitsoquickly.
It’snothardtofindthebreakfastroom.ThethreedormbuildingscreateaU-shapearoundthemainarea,whichcontainsthebreakfastroom,alivingroom,andamassivegym.Thespaceisobviouslydesignedwithagroupinmind.Thekitchenishugeandfilledwithindustrialappliances.Adiningroomholdsfourtableswithseatingforallthechampionsandthensome.Eventhelivingroomhasgroupingsofcouchesaroundamassivetelevision,thoughIdoubtmanypeoplewilltakeadvantageofit.
Icirclethelongkitchenisland,eyeingmyoptions.Ifinallydecideonsomeofthescrambledeggsfromthebuffet-stylesetupwithsalsaandavocado.Ascoopofmixedfruitandagiantmugofcoffeefinishthingsup.Thediningroomtableisemptyexceptforthetwonon-Olympians.Ialmostsitnearthemtoprovetheydon’tunnervemeasmuchastheytrulydo,butthethreatofindigestionistoostrongtorisk.Instead,Itakeaspotattheoppositeendofthetable.
Itallowsmeagoodviewofthetwomen.IstudythemasIpickthroughmyfood.They’rebothattractiveenoughinaroughsortofway,butevenIwouldhesitatetoflirtifwemetataparty.There’ssomethingdangerousaboutthem,thoughIcan’tsayexplicitlywhatgivesmethatvibe.Theshort-hairedone,Theseus,hasabold,crookednosethatwouldalmostbetoobigforhisfaceifnotforhissquarejaw.Theother,theMinotaur,haslonghairthatfallsinagentlewavetohisshoulders.Heobviouslytakescareofit,becauseit’sthickandhealthylooking,whichisafeatinandofitselfforsomeguys.Thehairalmostdistractsfromthescars:thin,fadedwhitelines,somanythatitlookslikesomeonetriedtocuthisfacerightoff.Ishudderatthethoughtofwhatthosewoundsmighthavelookedlikefresh.Still,he’sgotnice,strongbrowsandsurprisinglysensuallyshapedlips.
BotharedressedunassuminglytodayinshortsandT-shirts;obviouslytheyintendtousethegym,too.Theshortsleevesgivemeglimpsesoftattooscrawlinguptheirarms,butI’mnotcloseenoughtogetanydetails.Maybethey’reorganizedcrime?
Theywouldn’tbethefirsttoattempttoinfiltrateOlympus.ThewaytheThirteenarechosenmeanssomeoutsidersaretemptedtomakeabidforpower.ThetheoryisthatanyonecouldtakeoverenoughtitlestowrestpowerawayfromZeus,Poseidon,andHadestorunthecity.It’swhysomanyoftheupper-cityfamiliesflocktotheDodonaTowerpartiesandindulgeinarrangedmarriageswitheachother.EverythingboilsdowntothepowerandpoliticsandthealliancesthatholdthemajorityoftheThirteenwhoeffectivelyruleOlympus.Oratleasttheuppercity.
Sometimespeopleoutsidethecityrealizethesamething.It’shardtocrossthebarrier,butnotimpossible.MyfatherusedtotalkaboutsomeoldenemymakingacoupattemptrightaroundthetimeheinheritedthetitleZeus,butInevermadeahabitoflisteningcloselytomyfather’sold“war”storiessincetheywereroughly90percentfiction.
Ultimately,itdoesn’tmatter.Thesetwomenareopponents,andtheirmotivationsforjoiningthetournamentdon’tchangethat.EvenifoneofthemsomehowmanagedtowinthisandbecomeAres,that’shardlythemajority.Theycan’ttouchthelegacytitles,andtheyhavenochanceofgettingeitherAphroditeorDemeter,albeitforverydifferentreasons.IpitythefoolwhotriestotakeAthena’stitle.DittowithHermes.
Thereisthelittle-knownruleaboutmurder,but…
Ishakemyhead.It’salittle-knownruleforareason.EvenifmurderingoneoftheThirteenwouldtechnicallybeashortcuttobypassthenormalpathtoclaimingthetitle,nooneisfoolishenoughtotryit.Theotherswouldturnonthemwithaferocitythatwouldensuretheydidn’tsurvivetheirfirstday.It’sineveryone’sbestinteresttogoaboutthingstheproperway.
AttemptingacoupofOlympusisafool’serrand.
Ifinishmymealandsitback,intendingtonursemycoffeeforabitandenjoytheviewthroughthebigwindowsalongthewallbehindthetable.FootstepsaretheonlywarningIgetbeforeanothergroupofchampionscomesintotheroom.
Atalantamakesabeelineforthecoffee,ignoringeveryone.HectorwincesalittlewhenheseesmeandstepsbetweenmeandParis,obviouslytryingtoguidehisbrothertowardthefoodandgivemeachancetoescape.Isighandpushtomyfeet.Themomentofpeacewasnicewhileitlasted.
ThesightofAchillesandPatroclusstopsmeshort.Patroclus,theadorablecreaturethatheis,seemstobeblushingandisverypointedlynotlookinginmydirection.Achilles,ontheotherhand,hasaself-satisfiedsmirkonhisfaceasheholdsmygaze.Well,thatanswersthat.TheydefinitelyknewIcouldhearthem.
Theywantedmetohearthem.
Surelyyoudon’tthinkI’llblushandstammerlikeateenager,youfools.Threecanplaythisgame.Isetmyclearedplateinthesinkandmakemywayintheirdirection,puttingalittleswinginmystep.Patrocluslooksalmostlikehe’stryingtomakeagetaway,butAchillesthrowsaneasyarmaroundhisshoulders,holdinghiminplace.Perfect.
Icupmycoffeeintwohandsandsmilesweetlyatthem.“Achilles?”
Hegivesmethateasygrinthat’sacompletelie.“Yeah?”
“Nexttimeyouwanttomarkyourterritory,whynotwhipoutyourcockandpeeonhisfootinstead?Itwouldallowtherestofustoactuallygetsomesleep.”IignorePatroclus’ssputteringandleanforward,givinghimwideeyesandaninnocenceIcertainlydon’tfeel.“Unlessyoumeantthattobeaninvitation,inwhichcase,useyourwordsnexttime.”Ispeaklowenoughthattheconversationwon’tcarry.Thisisjustbetweenus,afterall.
Hislight-brownskingoesalittledusky.“I—”
“Haveaniceday.”Ieasilysteparoundthemandwalkoutoftheroom.It’sonlywhenI’veroundedthecornerthatIpermitasmile.There’strulynothingassatisfyingasadramaticexit.Hemadeitsoeasy,too.
Thefeelingofpettyvictoryfadeswitheachstep.I’mallowingmyselftobedistractedbythosetwo,andthat’sunacceptable.ItwillbebestifIkeepawayfromtherestofthechampionsduringthisprocess.SomethingIshouldhaverememberedbeforeIneedledPatroclusandprovokedAchilles.
ThegymisexactlywhatIwouldexpectfromAthena.Filledwithasolidmixoffreeweightsandequipmentthatlooksstateoftheart,allofitgleaming.Ifinishmycoffeeandconsidermyoptions.Iwanttoworkoffsomeenergy,butIdon’twanttooverlytiremyselfout.Athree-milerunwillbarelytaketheedgeoff,butI’lldoaquickroundofcircuittrainingafterwardandthatshoulddothetrick.
Withthatdecided,Iheadbacktomyroomtowashoutthecoffeecupandgrababottleofwaterfromthefridge.ThegymisstillblessedlyemptywhenIgetbackthere,andIwastenotimeputtinginheadphonesandgettingonthetreadmill.
Bytheendofthefirstmile,mymusclesunclenchandIstarttorelax.Thingshaven’tgoneasplanned,butthat’sokay.I’vebeenadaptingtothewhimsofothersmyentirelife.Whyshouldthisbeanydifferent?
Sure,Ididn’tthinkPerseuswouldfollowsoliterallyinourfather’sfootsteps.Hetoldthetruthwhenhesaidhe’smadesacrifices,too,buthe’sintentionallyneglectingtorememberthathechosehissacrifices.Hedidn’tgivemetheopportunitytodothesame.Instead,hemadethedecisionformeandexpectsmetodancetohistune,apuppetonstringshecommands.
AndEris?She,ofallpeople,shouldrealizethatIunderstandtheinnerworkingsofOlympianpolitics.Ifthey’daskedthisofmeinsteadofambushingmewiththeannouncement…Ishakemyhead,wishingIcouldshakethethoughtsclearaseasily.ErisknewI’dargueandshe’dhavetoconvinceme,soshejumpedrightoverthatconversationandwentaroundme.Idon’tseeherlininguptomarryastranger,butshewasalltoohappytothrowmetothosewolves.
Gods,myfamilyreallyistheworst.
Iturnupthepaceonthetreadmill.It’sonlythreemiles.Icangoalittlefaster,alittleharder.Anythingtoavoidthinkingtoocloselyaboutthefactthatmybrotherandsistersatdownanddecided,together,thattheywerewillingtosacrificemeforthegoodwillofthenextAres.Idon’tcarewhatreassurancesPerseusmouthed;inthatworst-casescenario,Iwouldalreadybeharmed.Vengeanceisn’tforthevictims.It’stomakethepeoplearoundthemfeelbetterfornotdoinganythingtostopitinthefirstplace.
Iamnovictim.
Notanymore.
Iwashelplessinmyfather’shouse.Mymothertriedtohelp,butallshegotforhertroublewasabrokenneckwhilemyfathermovedontoanotherwoman,anotherHera.PeopleusedtojokeabouthisHerasbeinginterchangeable,toysshatteredbyanangrymanandreplacedjustaseasily.Hewouldhavedoneitagainifhehadn’tdied.HealreadyhadhissightssetonPersephone,awomanyoungerthanme
Perseuswastheonetotellmethenewsofourfather’sdeath.Isatthereandwaitedtofeelanythingatall.Sorrow.Guilt.Joy.Something.Instead,itsimplyfeltlikesomeonehadliftedagreatweightfrommyshoulders.Themonsterwiththecharmingmaskcouldn’thurtorcontrolmeanymore.
Ididn’texpectmybrothertostepintotheroleofZeussocompletely.Ididn’texpecthimtoessentiallyputmeonlockdown—formysafety,ofcourse.Tostartdictatingwhatwasandwasn’tacceptableKasiosbehavior,justlikeourfatherusedto.
Todesignatemeapawntobesacrificed,justlikeourfatherplanned
Iturnupthespeedonthetreadmill.Thisisn’thelping.I’mstillthinkingtoomuch.Ican’toutruntheskeletonsrattlingaroundinsidemybrain,butIcanexhaustmyselfuntiltheyslumber.Ihaveto.Ican’tfuckinglivelikethis.NotwhenI’msoclosetofreedom,notwhendistractionmeansfailure.
Ahandappearsinmyfieldofvision.Idon’thavetimetodomorethanflinchbeforePatroclushitsthestopbuttononthetreadmill.Thebeltslows,andIyankmyheadphonesoutofmyears.“Whatthefuckiswrongwithyou?”
“That’senough,Helen.”
Iopenmymouthtotellhimwheretoshovehisopinion,buttherednumberscatchmyattention.Sevenmiles,notthree,andatapacethatIknowbetterthantohold.Nowthatmymomentumhasbeenbroughtupshort,theshakinessinmylimbsregisters.Thesweatcoatingmybody.Howeachbreathsawspainfullyinandoutofmylungs.I’verunfartherandfaster,butthiswasn’tmeanttobethiskindofworkout.
Weak.Reckless.Impulsive.Itrytoshovethewordsaway,buttheylingerjustoutofreach,tauntingme.
Patroclusdoesn’tmove,hishandstillonthestopbutton.Isuspecttokeepmefromignoringhimandturningthedamnthingbackon.Iswipesweatfrommyforeheadwithmyforearm.“I’mfine.”
“Yousure?Becauseyoulooklikeyouwenttoohardandweregoingtokeeprunninguntilyourlegsgaveout.”Hisgazecoastsoverme.It’snotsexual.He’slookingatmelikehe’scheckingforinjuries.There’sabsolutelynoexcusefortheshiverofawarenessthatgoesthroughmeinresponse.Iblametheairconditioneragainstmysweatyskinforthewaymynipplesgotightandhardagainstthethinfabricofmysportsbra.
“I’mfine,”Irepeat.It’snottruethistimeanymorethanthelasttimeIsaidit.I’msofarfromfine,it’slaughable,butwhatdidIreallyexpect?Mysiblingsthrewmeunderthebus;that’sgoingtoaffectme,evenifasmall,darkpartofmeisn’tsurprisedintheleast.I’mnotinthemoodtotrytoexplainthattoPatroclus,though.Heseemslikeagoodguy,buthe’sAchilles’sgoodguy.Justbecausewewerechildhoodfriendsandhedidanicethingformejustnowdoesn’tmeanhesigneduptohaveallmybaggagedumpedonhim.
Still,Ican’tleavethingssocurtly.Ihesitate.“Look,I’mnotinvitingyoutomeddleinthefuture,becauseIdon’tneedababysitter,butthanksforstoppingme.”
“Noproblem.”Hedragshishandthroughhisshort,darkhair.He’sgotabitofafive-o’clockshadowgoingon,whichgiveshimaroguishlookthatisn’tgreatformylibido.
NotthatanythingelseaboutPatroclusisroguish.BestIcantellhisniceguyroutineisn’taroutineatall.Thathasn’tchanged,atleast.Icouldusethattomyadvantage,butI’msuddenlysodamntiredthatIcan’tthinkstraight.HedeservesbetterthantobethewhipIpickuptoflogmyselfwith,whichmeansIhavetogetoutofherebeforeIdosomethingunforgivablyfoolish.“I’mgoingtogotakeashower.”
“Helen.”
Mystomachdipsalittleatthesternnessinhistone.Istopshort.“What?”
“Stretch.”Henodsatmylegsasifhecanseethelittletremorsshakingthem.“You’llregretitlaterifyoudon’t.”
He’sright.Myneedswarwithoneanother,onedemandingIretreattomyroomuntilIfeelalittlelessbrittle,theotherwantingtostayinthisman’spresencealittlelonger,tolethimchaseawaytheghostshauntingme.Surelyhedoesn’tactuallycareasmuchasheseemsto.IthastobeamasklikeeveryoneelseinOlympuswears.Idon’tknowwhatpurposekindnesswouldserve—possiblytohaveothersunderestimatehim—buteachofuschoosesourownpathtosurvival.
Still…
Whenwasthelasttimesomeonetriedtotakecareofme?EveninsomethingasmundaneasdemandingIstretchafteravigorousworkout?Mychestgoestight.Ican’tremember.Thelastsoftpersoninmylifewasmymother,andshe’sbeendeadfifteenyears.Howfuckingpatheticisthat?
EvenknowingIshouldleave,therecklessurgerisesinme,toostrongtoignore.Ismileupintohiskind,darkeyes.“Willyouhelpmestretch,Patroclus?”
10
Achilles
AjaxwaylaysmebeforeImakeitintothegym.Thebigmanclampsahandonmyshoulder.He’sgotafewinchesonme,puttinghimatdamnnearsixfive,andhe’sshavedthesidesofhisheadtogivehimaMohawkofcurlyblackhair.Ajax’sskinisadarkbrownandhe’sgotplentyofitondisplaybecausehe’sonlywearingapairofshortsandamuscletanktopthat’smoreholesthanfabric.Hegrins.“Iwasthinking.”
“Dangerousofyou.”
Ajaxlaughs.“Yeah,yeah.WebothknowIpreferabighammertoapoliticalroundtable,butthingschange.”
“You’regoingtosuggestanallianceforthefirsttrial.”Patrocluspredictedthis.He’sdonehisresearchandrunhisscenarios,thoughsometimesthewayhismindworksisdownrightspooky.Thisone,however,evenIcouldhaveseencoming.Ajax,Patroclus,andIareknownquantities.We’veworkedtogetherinthepast,soitmakessensetoalignourselvesinanefforttoeliminateasmanypeopleaspossibleinthefirsttrial.Thealliancedoesn’thavetolastlongerthanthattobeworthwhile.
Helaughsagainandgivesmyshoulderasqueeze.“Yep.I’dsaythereareafewchampionsnoonewantstoseebecomeAres.Noreasontomakeiteasyforthemtopickusoff.”
Interesting.Ifrown.“You’realliedwithothers?”
“Igetaround.”Hedropshishandandshrugs.“Whatdoyousay?”
IsaythatAjaxissavvierthaneitherofusgavehimcreditfor.Still,itchangesnothingforthefirsttrial.ThereareafewchampionsIwouldliketoseeeliminatedearly,andAjaxasanallymakesthatmorelikelytohappen.Butwiththatsaid,there’snoreasontomuddythewaters.IhavePatroclus.He’sallIneed,andfrankly,itwouldbenefitusifAjaxiseliminatedearly
Ismileandshakemyhead.“Notthistime,friend.”
“Damn.Iwashopingtogetyouonmyside.Ahwell,itwasworthashot.”HeclampsmeontheshoulderonelasttimeandamblesdownthehallintheoppositedirectionI’mheaded.“Seeyoutomorrow,Achilles.Goodluck.”
“Idon’tneedit.”
Hislaughtertrailsbehindhimasheroundsthecorneranddisappears.Iheadforthegym.PatrocluswillhavesometheoriesonwhoAjaxwouldhavealliedhimselfwith;I’dputgoodmoneyonAtalanta.AjaxworkedwithHectorforafewyears,andIthinkthey’reongoodterms,butHectorisapackagedealwithParis,andnoonewantstoseeParisasthenewAres.NoneofushavehadclosecontactwithAtalanta,butherreputationprecedesher.She’ssteadyunderpressureandisprettyfuckingbrilliant.NotasbrilliantasPatroclus,butdefinitelymorethanmeandAjax.
Thegymisanicesetup,butIexpectnothinglessfromAthena.Shehasherprioritiesinorder,andshewouldhaveseenthisroomoutfittedspecificallytoherdirectionslikeeverythingelseinthehouse.Plentyofvarietytofittheneedsanyonecoulddreamup.
IcatchsightoftheMinotaurononeofthebenches,buthemakesnomovetoliebackandpickupthebarwithatrulyoutstandingnumberofweightspiledonit.No,he’sstaringatsomethingIcan’tsee,hisexpressionthatofahawkwatchingaparticularlyjuicymousewanderthefieldbelowit.Thatcan’tbegood.IstridedownthespacebetweenequipmentandstopshortwhenIseewhathe’slookingat.
Patroclus…andHelen.
She’sonherbackonthemattakinguponecorneroftheroom,onelonglegstretchedupoverPatroclus’sshoulder.He’sonhisknees,pressingherlegdowntowardherchest.Rationally,Irealizeit’sahamstringstretchandthattheyhavealltheirclothesinplace,butmybrainseesthepositionandsaysfucking.Especiallywhenheshiftsforwardandpressesherleganotherinchlower.They’recloseenoughtokiss,andevenfromhereIrecognizetheflushofhisskin.
He’sturnedon.Really,reallyturnedon.
Furyrises.Itoldthemtostayawayfromeachother,andittookalloftenminutesforhertohavehimonthefloor,hotandbothered.Fuck,heknowsbetter,too.DoesnoonelistentomewhenItalk?Iclenchmyfists,fightingagainsttheinstinctivedesiretostalkoverthereandriphimoffher.
AsnorthasmelookingattheMinotaur.Hearchesascarredbrow.“She’smovingfastwiththatone.”
Iwasjustthinkingthesamething,butthatdoesn’tmeanIlikeotherpeoplenoticing.“Shutthefuckup.”
Hegivesthatsnortagainandleansback,easilypickingupthebarandbeginningtopressittohischestandupagain.IwatchforseveralrepetitionsbeforeIturnbacktoPatroclusandHelen.She’sswitchedlegs,anditirritatesmefurtherthatneitherofthemevennoticedmestandinghere.Thatspursmeintomotion,thepossessiveuglythinginsidemetakingcontrol.Istopafootfromthemandsnarl.“Getup.”
Patroclusstartles,whichpissesmeoffmore.He’sdamnnearimpossibletosneakuponbecausehe’salwaysthinkingtenstepsahead,andyethe’ssofocusedonthiswomanthatitputhisbigbrainonhold.HesitsbackandshiftshishipsasifIcan’ttellthathe’sgotaragingboner.Iglareathimandthenturnmyattentiontoher.“Up.”
Helenlooksgood.Damnit,Ihatethatshelooksgood.She’sgotonapairofpantsandasportsbrathatclingtohersweatyskin,showingoffhertonedstomachandnicetits.Shesitsupslowly,herexpressionpurechallenge.“Hewashelpingmestretch.”
“Icanseeexactlywhathewasdoing.”Itwouldbebadenoughtohavebeentheonetocatchthem,butwiththeMinotaurwatching,judging,fuckinglaughing,Ican’tgetaholdofmyanger.“You.”IpointatPatroclus.“Getyourheadonstraight.”
“Achilles—”
IignoretheexasperationinhistoneandturntoHelen.“Andyou.Backtoyourfuckingroom,princess.”
“Funnything,that.”Shepushestoherfeet,andIfuckingloathethewayPatrocluswatchesherasifhe’sgoingtojumpinandcatchherifshestumbles.TheMinotaurisright;she’sworkingfast,andshe’sworkingonmyman.Helenstretchesherarmsoverherhead,purechallengeinthoseambereyes.“You’renotthebossofme.”
“Helen.”NowPatroclusturnsthatexasperationinherdirection,whichisanotherindicatorofhowclosethey’vegotteninsuchashorttime.Hemightbesoft,buthe’sverycarefulaboutwhoheextendshiscircleofprotectiontobecauseofit.Itusuallytakesagesforhimtowarmuptoanewperson.Howthefuckdidshemanageitinjustafewdays?Itcan’tbebecausesheknewhimbeforeIdid.Itcan’t
“Imightnotbethebossofyourightnow,butI’mgoingtobeyourhusband,andyouwillstopactinglikeaspoiledlittlebrat.”
Patroclussucksinabreath,andHelen’sspinegoesramrodstraight.“Saythatagain,”shesnarls.
Idon’tbother.InsteadIgrabherandtossherovermyshoulder.Patroclusstartstomoveforward,butIholdupahand.“Idon’twanttohearshitfromyourightnow.Doyourworkout.We’lltalklater.”Idon’tgivehimachancetorespond.IjustturnandhaulacursingHelenoutofthegymandthroughthehalls.Afterthebriefesthesitation,Igothroughmydoorinsteadofhers.
Ibarelyhaveachancetosetheronherfeetbeforesheswingsonme.Idodgeback,easilycatchingherfist.“Sloppy.”
“I’llshowyousloppy,youasshole.”Sheaimsakickformyballs,andIturnmyhips.Theimpacthitsmythighandshe’sputenoughstrengthbehindittostaggerme.She’squick,too,dancingbackastepandsnappinganotherkickatmyface.
Icatchherankleandyankheroffherfeet,followinghertothefloorwhensheimmediatelytriestojumpbackup.She’sscrappy;I’llgiveherthat.ShemanagestoelbowmeinthefacebeforeIwrestlehertothefloorandpinherwristsoneithersideofherhead.“That’senough.”
“Fuckyou.”She’ssofurious,she’svibrating,herambereyespracticallyshootinglasersatme.“NowonderyouwanttobeAres.You’rejustlikethelastone:afuckingbully.”
“Shutup.”
Butshedoesn’t.Shesnarlsinmyfaceandtriestothrowmeoffher,likeIdon’toutweighherbyashitton.Andshekeepsrunningthatgodsdamnedmouth.“PoorlittleAchillesgothispridehurtbecausePatrocluswasnicetome.Gods,you’repathetic.”
“Shutup,”Igrindout.
“Makeme!”
Thereisnoexcuseforwhathappensnext.OnemomentI’mreadytohaulhertoherfeetandkickherassoutmydoor.Thenext…Idon’tknowwhomovesfirst.Maybeshearchesup.MaybeIdipdown.TheendresultisthatI’mkissingHelenKasios,preciousprincessofOlympus,thewomanIfullyintendtomarrywhenIbecomeAres.
Shetasteslikevictory.
Ijerkbackandstaredownather.ShelooksnearlyasshockedasIfeel,nearlyasfurious.Thiswasamistake.“I—”
“Shutup.”Shearchesupagain,andthiskisssweepsawaywhatlittlerationalthoughtIhaveleft.Thereisnothingsoftinthis.Maybeiftherewas,I’dfigureouthowtostop.Ican’tthink,though.Notaswegotowarwitheachother,abattlecomprisedoftongueandteethandsurprisinglysweetlittlemoansshemakesintomymouth.
Helenshiftsbeneathme,rubbinghercalfupmyleg.Ireleaseherwristsandhookahandunderherknee,fittingusmorecloselytogether.Sherunsherhandsdownmychest,andtheonlywarningIgetisaslighttensingofherbodybeforeshehooksherfootaroundmythighandflipsus.Shelandsastridemyhipsand,fuck,Helenhasneverbeenmorebeautifulthansheisinthismoment.She’safuckingmess,butshe’sreal
Thefrenzyrisesbetweenus,asifwebothcansensethatslowingdownwillletrealitycreepbackin.Idon’tknowwhatshe’srunningfrom.Idon’tfuckingcare.I’mstillsofurious,I’mrunningoninstinctalone,andIreachbetweenustograbthefabricofherpantsandyankhard.Ittearsalongthecenterseam,soIdoitagain,rippingthedamnthingsinhalf.
Helenarchesbackandslapsme,theblowturningmyfacetotheside.“Thesearemyfavoriterunningtights,youpieceofshit.”
“Billme.”Iflipusagain,usingthechangeinpositiontosettlebetweenherthighs.Shewrestlesmyshirtoffandrakeshernailsdownmyback,thepainmakingmethrustagainsther.Webothmoan,ourairminglinginafuriousexhale.Ishouldgentlethekiss,shouldslowusdown,butHelendipsherhandsintomyshortsanddigshernailsintomyass.Ithrustagainstherasecondtimeandthenathird,eachoneworkingmyshortsloweronmyhipsuntilsheshovesthemtherestofthewaydown.
Fuck.
Thisisoutofcontrol.
Istarttopullback,totrytoinsertsomekindofreason,butshetiltsherhipsandthenmycockisnudgingagainstherentrance.Webothfreeze.She’ssowet,sodamnwelcoming,thatIslidealittleinsidejustfromtheforceofourharshbreathing.Helengivesabreathylittlewhimper.“More.”
Ishouldstop.Ishouldtellhertowait,toslowdownuntilwecantalkaboutthis.Thiswasn’twhatIintendedwhenIhauledherinhere.Fuck,Idon’tevenknowwhatIintended.Ican’tthinkpasthowgoodshefeels,howwetshegotfromthisfighting,howbadlyIwanttosinktherestofthewayintoher.
“Weshouldn’t,”Imanage.
“You’reright.”Buthernailsprickmyassagain,andIsinkanotherinchintoher.Ican’tseeherfacefromthisposition,can’tstopmyselffromturningmyheadandsettingmyteethagainstthesoftskinofherneck.Sherespondsbyarchingup,takingmeanotherinchdeeper.Shegasps.“Ihateyou.”
“Ihateyou,too.”
Helenshivers.“Thenfuckmelikeyouhateme,Achilles.Stoppussyfootingaroundanddoitproperly.”
Thelastthreadofmycontrolfraysandsnaps.Ijerkback,hermoanofprotestonlyspurringmeon.Iyankherpantstherestofthewayoffandthendothesametoherbra.Shetriestoslapmeagain,butIgrabherwristandusetheholdtoflipherontoherstomach.She’salreadyliftingherassasImovebetweenherthighs,andthenI’minsideheragain.
Thistime,Idon’tstop.Idon’thesitate.IusemybiggerbodytobearhertothefloorandpinherthereasIfuckherroughly.ShemovesasmuchasIallow,liftingherhipstotakemedeeper,butit’snotenough.Iworkmyarmsbeneathher,claspingherthroatwithoneandpressingtheotherbetweenherthighstostrokeherclit.She’scompletelywrappedupinme,completelyatmymercy.
ExceptitfeelslikeI’mathermercywhenshestartsspeaking.
“Yes.Likethat.Harder.”Shegrabsmyarms,hernailsonceagainsettingtomyskin.I’llbewearinghermarksfordays,andthethoughtonlyspursmeon,makingmerougher.
“You’reafuckingmenace.”Ifindthetouchshelikesonherclit,theonethatmakesherflutteraroundmycockhardenoughthatIhavetofightnottoloseit.Myorgasmisalreadythreatening.Shefeelstoofuckinggood.“Comearoundmycocklikeagoodlittleprincess.”
“Makeme,”shegasps,pressingherthroatharderagainstmypalm.“Unlessyou’rejustasbadatthisasyouareateverythingelse.”Anothermoan.“MaybeIshouldaskPatroclusforanassist.”
“Youbitch.”Idon’tstop,don’tslowdown.Ikeepfuckingherasshecomesapartaroundme,herpoisonouswordsfatedtolingerevenafterwe’redone.
Helencriesoutassheorgasms,herbodyshakingsweetlyevenasherpussyclampsaroundme.Idon’teventrytoholdout.Ijustkeepthrustingintoheruntilneedoverwhelmsme,fillingherupwithme.
It’sonlywhenIrolloffheranddropontomybackthatrealitystartssettingin.Iopenmyeyesandstareattheceiling.“Fuck.”
“Yes,wedidthat.”Shesitsup.
“Areyouokay?I…”Imakemyselflookather,makemyselfsearchherexpressionforanysignthatwewenttoofar.
Helenpicksupherpantsandfrownsatthem.“I’mfine.”Sheglancesatme,herfacecarefullyblank.“You’renotabouttogosoftonme,areyou?”WhenIdon’timmediatelyreply,shesighs.“Itwasjustsex,Achilles.You’vehadsexbefore,haven’tyou?”
“Notlikethis.”
Shehesitates.“Patroclussaidyouweren’texclusive—”
“Wearen’t.”ButI’vealsoneverbeenwithanyonelikethis,soroughandoutofcontrol.Iamalwaysveryfuckingawareofhoweasyitwouldbetohurtmypartnersonaccident,andasaresult,I’malwaysleashed.ExceptwithPatroclus;ourhistorymeansweknoweachother’slimitsmorethoroughly,andIstillamcarefulnottocrosshislines.HelenandIdon’thavethathistory,thattrust.Wedon’tevenfuckinglikeeachother.Ican’tsaythattoher,though.Itfeelscruel,evenifit’sthetruth.Instead,Ifocusonsomethingsmallandmundane.“Youcan’twearthosepants.”
“Don’tworry.Ifullyintendtobillyouforthem.”Sheclimbsslowlytoherfeet.Therearefaintrugburnsonherknees,butfuck,shelookslikeamagnificentmess.Itmakesmewantto…
Ijerkupright.“Wedidn’tusecondoms.”
“Iknow.”Helensighsagain.“I’monbirthcontrol.I’vebeentestedrecentlyenoughthatIcanconfidentlysayyou’resafe.”
Somehow,thatdoesn’tdetractfromthetighteninginmychest.Ican’tbelieveIlostcontrolsothoroughlyastoforgetacondom.“TheonlypersonIhaveunprotectedsexwithisPatroclus,butwe’rebothtestedregularlysincewe’renotexclusive.”
“Thenthere’snothingelsetosay.”Sheturnsforthedoor.
I’monmyfeetbeforeIdecidetomove.“Helen,wait.”
Anotherofthosesighs.Gods,thewomansoundssoexasperatedwithmethatIwanttotosshertotheflooragain.Thistime,whenwe’refinished,neitherofuswillhavethebreathleftforsighing.Oblivioustothedirectionofmythoughts,shesmoothsbacksomeofthehairthat’sescapedherbraid.“Look,there’sreallynothingelsetosay.Ilostcontrol.Youlostcontrol.Itultimatelydoesn’tchangeanythingforeitherofus,solet’sneverspeakofitagain.”
She’sbeingremarkablycoolheadedaboutthis,andIdon’tunderstandhowthefuckshe’spullingifoffwhenit’severythingIcandonottoyankhertomeandkissheragain.Isnatchmyshirtoffthefloorandstalktoher.Helenrollshereyesatme.“Mydooris—”Ipulltheshirtoverherheadandwaitforhertogetherarmsthroughit.Shegivesmeaboredlook.“Areyouhappynow?”
“No.”Somehow,thisisevenworsethanhernaked.Seeingherinmyshirt…IalreadyknewIwasaterritorialasshole,butIdidn’texpecttohavethoseurgesrisingupwiththiswoman.“No,I’mnotfuckinghappy.”
“Didn’tthinkso.”Sheturnsandwalksoutoftheroomwithoutanotherword.
Istareatthedoorforalongtime.“Fuck.Fuck.”There’snodoubtaboutit.NomatterhowItrytospinthisout—andI’mhavingashittytimecomingupwithareasonableexplanationforwhyIfuckedHelenKasiosonmyfloorlikeagodsdamnedanimal—there’sonlyoneconclusiontobehad.
Ijustscrewedupspectacularly.
11
Patroclus
IknowwhathappenedthesecondIseethelookonAchilles’sface.He’ssousedtobeingintherightthatwhenheknowshefuckedup,heactslikeadogwhochewedupmyfavoritepairofshoes.Hewalksthroughthedoorintomyroomswithhisshouldersbowed,andhewon’tmeetmyeyes.Consideringwherehejustwasandthefamiliarflushtohisskin,Icantaketwoguessestofigureoutwhathe’sdone.Heallbutconfirmsitwhenhefinallyspeaks.“Iscrewedup.I’msorry.”
Noneedtoaskforclarification.Theevidenceisrightthereinthescratchesonhisforearmandthefaintperspirationdampeningthedarkhairathistemples.
HehadsexwithHelenKasios.
Idraginaslowbreath,butitdoesn’thelpbecauseallIcansmellisthefaintscentoffuckingstillclingingtohim.Achillestakesasteptowardme,butIholdupmyhand.“Gotakeashowerbeforeyoutrytotellmeyou’resorry.”
Hecursesandveerstowardthehallwayleadingtothebedroom.Fromtheback,IcanseemorescratchespeekingoutattheneckofhisT-shirt.Mystomachtwists.Ihaveabsolutelynologicalreasontobeupsetaboutthis.We’renotexclusive.AchillesfullyintendstowinAresandthatmeansmarryingHelen.Demandingthathenotsleepwithhiswifeisaridiculousaskandunfair.IknewwhatIwassigningupforwhenIfellinlovewiththisman.
Hewasnevermeanttobeonlymine.
Butallthelogicintheworldcan’tquelltheawfulfeelingtwistinginmystomach.Tighterandtighter,harsherandharsher.Idon’tmeantospeak,butasheopensthebedroomdoor,thewordsslipfree.“YouhateHelen.”
Achillesglancesoverhisshoulderatme.“‘Hate’mightbeastrongword.”Hehasthegracetolookashamed,butthere’sstillarelaxedlinetohisshouldersthatspeaksofgoodsex.
Thethinginmystomachtwistsharder.AchillesandIhavebeentogethertoolongtohavearelationshipfreeofupsanddownsandoccasionallyintensefights.Thisfeelsdifferent.Everythingaboutthisfeelsdifferent.He’soccasionallyselfishandimpulsive;sometimesI’mselfishanddistracted.Neitherofusisevercruel,butIdon’tknowwhattocallthisexceptcruel.
“WereyouthatangrythatIwashelpingherstretch?Thatfuckingjealous?Whathappenedtousnotdoingjealousy,Achilles?”It’sneverbeenaproblembefore,butsurelyheunderstandsthisisdifferent.Everythingabouthisreactionstoherareasoutsideournormasmyreactionstoher.Achillesmightplaythegoldenfoolsometimes,buthe’stoosmarttopretendhedoesn’tunderstandwhyI’mupset.
Hisexpressiongoesstony.“Thisisdifferent.”
“Yeah.Exactly.Thisisdifferent.Sowhydidyoudoit?”Irushonbeforehecananswer.Foronce,mymouthismovingfasterthanmybrain.“Isitbecauseyou’regoingtomarryher?It’llbeyourringonherfinger,soshe’sjustforyou?”ThewordsareoutbeforeIcancallthemback.I’mfeelingsickenoughthatIdon’twanttocallthemback.“Yousaidshewasoff-limitslessthantwelvehoursago.”
Hestaresatapointovermyrightshoulder.AsuresignthatI’mnotgoingtolikewhatcomesoutofhismouthnext.Hedoesn’tdisappoint.“She’salreadygettingtoyou.”
“Youfuckedher.Anyonelookingattheevidencewouldsayshe’sgettingtoyou.”
Heclencheshisjaw.“Sheknowsexactlywhatshe’sdoing,too.She’stryingtocauseariftbetweenus.”
Icurseandturnaway.Ican’tlookathimrightnow,notwhenhe’sbeingsodamnstubbornandmisguided.Notwhenhe’sbeingafuckinghypocrite.“Stopblamingherforyouractions.Didshetieyoudownandfuckyou,Achilles?”
“No,”hegrindsout.
“Yeah,Ididn’tthinkso.Ittookthetwoofyoutohavesex,andI’mnotinarelationshipwithHelen.I’minonewithyou.Shedidn’tputdownagroundruleandthenpromptlybreakitinajealousrageafterwebothagreedtoit.Sheisn’tputtingallourgoalsandplansinjeopardybecauseofherimpulsiveness.Sheisn’ttheproblem.”
“Patroclus.”
Ireluctantlyturntofacehim.Achilleslooksangry,butthat’snosurprise.ForaslongasI’veknownhim,he’dratherbeangrythanupsetorregretful.It’saneasieremotionforhim.Ithoughtwe’dgottenpasthimdoingthattome,though.I’dthoughtalotofthingsupuntilwebecamechampions.NowI’mnotsurewhatthetruthis.“Ichangedmymindabouttheshower.Ineedyoutogo.”
HejerkslikeIreachedoutandstruckhim.“What?”
“Getout.Ican’tstandlookingatyourightnow.”Ithurtstoomuch.Isuspectedthingswithuswouldeventuallyreachsomekindofconclusion,butnotlikethis.Neverlikethis.Ithoughtwehadmoretime.Thisisn’ttheend,notyet,butit’sthefirstsignofit.Ineedtimetoprocess,andIcan’tdothatwithhimnearme.
Forthefirsttimesincehewalkedthroughmydoor,heactuallylooksworried.“Weneedtotalkabouttomorrow.”Anexcuseandwebothknowit.
“There’snothingtotalkabout.”
“Ajaxwantsanalliance.”
Ishrug.“Wepredictedthat.Itdoesn’tmeananythinghaschangedaboutourplans.”It’seventhetruth.Nothinghaschanged.IwillstillfollowAchillesintotheunderworldanddamnmyselfintheprocess.It’salwaysbeenthatwaywithus.MaybeifIwereabetterperson,astrongerperson,Iwouldcuttiesnowbeforethingsspiralfullyoutofcontrolandhetossesmyheartintoameatgrinder.Hewouldneverharmmeonpurpose,buthe’scareless.He’salwayssofuckingcarelesswithotherpeople.
I’mnotabetterperson.I’mcertainlynotstrongenoughtowalkawayfromhim,nomatterhowpainfulthefutureisdestinedtobe.Ijust…can’tlookathimrightnow.“Go.”
Hedoesn’tmove.“I’msorry.”
“Idon’tbelieveyou.”IfIlethim,he’llhugmeandpromisenevertodoitagain,butIcan’tstandthethoughtofhimlyingtome,evenunintentionally.OneofthethingsIlovemostaboutthismanisthatIneverhavetoguesswhereIstandwithhim.Hespeakshistruth,evenwhenitmightbehurtful.Asmallpricetopayforthatclarity.
Rightnow,nothingfeelsclear.HemightintendtonevertouchHelenagain,butheneverintendedtotouchherinthefirstplace,andlookwherethat’sgottenus.“Go,Achilles.Please.”
Hefinallynodsandwalkstothedoor.Achillesisn’tonetorunfromafight;ittookyearsbeforeherealizedthattryingtohashissuesoutallatonceinsteadofgivingmetimetoprocessisasurefirewaytoescalatethings.Itstillfeelsfuckingterribletowatchhimwalkoutofmyroomsandclosethedoorsoftlybehindhim.
Apremonition,avisionintoourfuture.
Someday,Achilleswillwalkawayfromme,andthattime,he’llneverreturn.
Imovetothedoorandflipthelock.I’mnotinthemoodforcompanyrightnow,notthatanyoneisgoingtoseekmeoutthenightbeforethefirsttrial.Ipacearoundmylivingroom,tooagitatedtositdown.Achillesdidn’tcheatonme.That’snotwhatwe’reabout.Butitstillfeelslikeabetrayal.Ican’tparseoutmyfeelingsproperly.There’sangerandhurt,yes,butalsoathreadofguilt.
Ican’tguaranteeIwouldn’thavedonethesamedamnthingiftheopportunitycamemywayfirst.
There’ssomethingaboutHelenthatgetsallmywirescrossed.It’snotjustthatshe’sbeautiful,thoughsheis.It’snotthatonce,averylongtimeago,shesavedmefromabully.It’snoteventhecunningmindshe’sgivenmeglimpsesofduringourhandfulofconversations.It’sthestrangevulnerabilitythatcreptintoherambereyesthefirstnightandthenagainwhenshewasonthetreadmill,obviouslytryingtooutrunsomethinginherhead.Thewomanisapuzzle,andIknowmyselfwellenoughtorecognizethatIamweakforapuzzle.
MostpeopleactinwaysIcananticipate,evenifit’sillogical.Humansaredrivenbybasicurges,evenwhenthey’replayingpoliticalgames.Everyonewantssomething,andonceIfigureoutwhatitis,it’seasyenoughtoseeten,twenty,thirtystepsahead.
Ican’tfigureoutHelen’spurposeforbecomingachampion.Shehaspower,influence,moremoneythanmostpeoplecanspendinalifetime.She’ssavvyenoughnottobalkatapoliticalmarriage;she’llhavebeenpreparedtonavigateitfromthemomentshebecameanadult.Isshejustanotherpower-hungryKasiosmakingagrabforatitle?Oristhisallarebelliousacttostickittoherbrother?Neitherofthoseanswersfeelsquiteright.
Helenbeingapuzzleaside,thephysicalattractionIfeelforherisdownrightuncanny.IhavenoideawhatAchillessawwhenIhadheronthefloor,butI’malltooreadytoadmitthatIwasfarcloserthanIneededtobe,thatmybodyhadgottenthebetterofmeevenifneitherofuscommentedonit.Andthewayshekeptlookingatmymouth…
Idon’tblameAchillesforhavingsexwithher.TheproblemisIdon’tknowwhatI’msupposedtofeel.Jealousy.Anger.Hurt.Guilt.It’snotasimplesituation,andthefactthatwe’recompetingtomorrowinthefirsttrialonlymuddiesthewatersfurther.
Itdoesn’tmatter.Itcan’tmatter.
Whenwestarteddownthisroad,IdecidedtohaveAchillesinmylifeforaslongashe’llhaveme,tosupporthimanddoeverythinginmypowertoensureherealizeshisdreamofbecomingAres.FeelinghurtthathesleptwithHelenafterdeclaringheroff-limitschangesnothing.Iwillstilldowhatittakestomorrowtogethimthroughthefirsttrial.Notthathe’llneedmyhelp,butAchillescanhavetunnelvisionwhenitcomestohisgoals.Ifthefactorschange,hedoesn’talwaysnotice.That’swhyI’mhere.
Ijust…neverexpectedtoresenttherole.
***
Thenextmorningbringsnoclarity.Iduckintothemainlivingspaceearlierthananyoneelseandgrabfoodtotakebacktomyroom.I’mstillnotreadytofaceAchilles,andIdon’tevenknowwhatmyreactionwillbeuponseeingHelen.
Iwastellingthetruthyesterday.Idon’tblameherforwhathappened.Sheknowswehaveanopenrelationship.ShehasabsolutelynoreasontothinkshecrossedanylinesbyhavingsexwithAchilles.
Myjealousyisn’tlogicalandhasnobasisinfact.It’spureemotion,andIdon’ttrustitnottosurgethemomentIseeher.I’mnotsurewhatI’lldoifitdoes.ShedeservestobemorethantheclubAchillesandIbludgeoneachotherwith,butIcan’tguaranteeIwon’tdoexactlythatifgivenhalfachance.
It’snotacomfortablerealization.
BythetimeBellerophoncomestocollectus,I’mfilledtothebrimwithrestlessenergy.ThesensationonlygetsworsewhenIstepthroughmydoorandfindbothHelenandAchillesalreadystandinginthehallway.Weweregivennoclothingguidelines,soIwentwithapairofcompressionpantsandaT-shirt.Clothingthat’seasytomoveinbutfittedenoughthatit’sunlikelytocatchonanythingorprovideahandholdforanotherchampion.Achillesiswearingthegearwecommissionedforhim,asimilarstyletominebutwithablackandsilverpatternonitthat’sdesignedtocatchtheeye.Helooksgood,justlikethehandsomegodheplayswhenhe’srequiredtodealwiththepubliconAthena’sbehalf.
Helen…
HelenlooksliketheprincessAchilleshasnamedher.She’swearingtinyshortsthatleaveherlonglegsbareandatanktopthatclingstoherskin,bothablack-goldthatshineseveninthislowlight.There’salsoglitteronherskinandinherslicked-backhair.Shehasn’tdownplayedherbeautytoday.Smokyeyesandblacklipstickshouldbetoointense,butcombinedwiththeglitter,sheappearsotherworldly.
Theylook…likeacouple.
Bellerophonclearstheirthroat,andIrealizeI’vebeenstaring.“Let’sgo.”Theyturn,leavingustofollowthemdownthehallinthedirectionoftheexit.
Achillestriestocatchmyeye,butIshakemyhead.I’mnotinthemoodtotrytohashoutanything,andevenifIwere,now’shardlythetime.“Sticktotheplan,”Imurmur.
Henods,butnotlikehe’shappy.That’sfine.I’mnotparticularlyhappyatthemoment,either.IglanceatHelenagain,butsheseemslostinherownthoughts,hergazeathousandmilesaway.
Theotherchampionsarealreadygatheredbythetimewemakeitoutthere,andeveryoneisquietaswefileintothevans—evenParis.IendupsittingbetweenAchillesandHelen,whichmightmakemelaughattheironyifIcoulddrawthebreath.Myemotionsareamessytangleinmychest,soIdotheonlythingIcanthinkof.Theonlythingthatmakessense.
Ifocusonthetrialahead.
Itwillbephysical—allthetrialsforArestendtobephysical.It’salsolikelytobesomethingtimedratherthanatrialthatpitschampionsagainstchampions.Historically,theysavethoseforlater,usuallythelastone.InthelastfouroutoffiveArescompetitions,thefirsttrialhasbeensomekindofrace.Aneasywaytocutoutthemajorityofthechampionsinonesweep.That’swhatI’dputmymoneyon.
Butjustbecauseit’saracedoesn’tmeantherewon’tbefighting.That’susuallywellwithintheparametersofthetrial.Peopleloveagoodshow,afterall,andbloodsportistheoldestshowofthemall.
Thevanstopsandthedoorsopen.It’stime.Imovefirst,needingtogetoutoftheenclosedspacewiththesetwo.Itdoesn’tmatterthatneitherHelenorAchilleshavesomuchaslookedateachotherorthatthesimmeringconnectionbetweenthemmightbeallinmyhead.Ineedspace.Unfortunately,spaceistheonethingIdon’thaveaccesstoandwon’tuntilthetrialends.
Mynervesdon’tsettleastheotherchampionsfileout.Ifanything,theygetworse.There’salwaysamomentlikethisbeforeIgointoconflict,asickeninglurchinmystomachwhereI’msuddenlyawarethatalltheplanningandstrategizingintheworldstillisn’tenoughtofullyprepareforreality.TherewillalwaysbevariablesIcan’taccountfor.
Thestakeshaveneverbeensohighbefore,though.
Bellerophonclaspstheirhandsbehindtheirbackandlooksatourgroup.“Thefirsttrialbeginsshortly.Youwillhavetwominutestostudytheareabeforethehornsounds.Onceitdoes,youwillhavefiveminutestocompletethecourse.Ifyoufall,youwillbeautomaticallyeliminated.”Theybarelywaitforustoanswerintheaffirmativebeforespinningandheadingdownthelongconcretehallwaythatweexitedfromtheotherday.
EvenbeforeIseethecrowd,Icanhearthem.Icanfeeltheminthevibrationsoftheconcretearoundme.It’sdisconcerting,butIpushthefeelingaway.They’renotheretoseeme,afterall.Understandingthat,embracingthat,meansIdon’thavetothinkovermuchaboutthem.I’mnotheretowin.I’monlyhereassupport
Achillesfallsintostepbesideme.“Wegood?”
“I’mstillangrywithyou.”Exceptthatisn’tquiteright.There’sanger,yes,buttheoverwhelmingfeelingisloss.ThisisthebeginningoftheendthatI’vefearedeversinceIfellforAchilles.Hemightnotbegoneyet,butthegriefstilltakesrootallthesame.
Hegivesajerkynod.“Okay.”Hedoesn’ttellmewe’lltalklater.Itgoeswithoutsayingthatwewill.Neitherofusisthetypetoleavesomethingfesteringforlong,evenifIcan’tseeawaythroughthis.Itdoesn’tmatter.TheonlythingIneedtoseeclearlyisthetrial.
Westepthroughthedoorway,andmyattentionimmediatelylandsonthecourseinfrontofus.It’saseriesofraisedplatformsinterspersedwithdifferentobstacles.I’veseensimilarontelevision,butthisoneseemsgearedequallytowardlowerbodyasupper.Therearethreepathwaysfrombeginningtoend,andIexaminetheminsequence,painfullyawareofthelargeredclocktickingdownthesecondstowhenwebegin.“Shoesoff.”
Achillesdoesn’tquestionme.Hesimplyobeys,yankingoffhisshoesandsocks.“Firstroute?”
Ishakemyhead.“Thejumpfromtheendofthatropewillbetootrickytotimeproperly.Thesecondlooksfaster,butthatropeswingontherailmightgetstalledoutinthemiddlesinceit’ssolong.Gothird.”Theclimbingwallupwon’tbeaproblem,butdescendingmight.Still,it’sbetterthantheothertwo.Fewervariablesinplay,eventhoughit’stechnicallythelongestofthebunch,thecoursejuttingouttowardthecrowdbeforedoublingbacktothefinish.Eachroutehasfourobstaclesofvaryingdifficulty,andthere’sthetimelimittoconsider.Butsurelyit’snotthatsimple?
Evenasthethoughtcrossesmymind,peopleinblackfileoutfromtheentranceoppositeus.They’reallwearingAthena’suniform,andtheyhaveblackmaskspulleddownovertheirfaces.Thatcreatesaneerieimage,andthecrowdshriekswithgleeatthesightofthem.Isigh.“Ofcourseitwouldn’tbesoeasyasjustgettingthroughthecourse.”
“Where’sthefuninthat?”
Itakeoffmyshoesandsocks.EventhoughIshouldbefocusedentirelyonthecourse,ontheopponentsfilteringthroughittokeypositionswheretheycanmosteffectivelystopthechampions,IglanceatHelen.She’sgotalookofconcentrationonherface,butshe’sstaringatthefirstroute.It’sonthetipofmytonguetosuggestthethird,butIbitebackthewords.Helenisn’tmypriority.Shecan’tbemypriority.
Overhead,onlythirtysecondsremain.Thelightsflickerandthenturntowardtheboxedseatsoverhead.Athenastandsthere,watchingus.Ithoughtthecrowdwasloudbefore.It’snothingcomparedtowhenthespotlightshinesonher.Theentirearenashakeswiththeforceoftheirsound.
Sheholdsupahand,aconductortotheirfervor,andtheygosilentalmostimmediately.Asthesecondstickdowntozero,heramplifiedvoicesays,“Thefirsttrialbegins…now.”
12
Helen
Idon’thesitate.Iflingmyselfforward,veeringtowardtheleftsideofthecourse.Eachoftheroutesavailableisgnarly,especiallywiththeblack-clothedopponentslyinginwait,butthisismybestbet.Myupperbodystrengthisgreat,butthetallerchampion’slongerlegswillgivethemanadvantageontheclimbingwall.Ihavetoaimfortheshortestrouteinstead.Or,rather,theshortestroutethatactuallymakessense.Themiddleoneistemptingbecauseit’sbasicallyafancyropeswing,butIdon’tliketheangle.It’satrap.
Thiswholefuckingcourseisatrap.
Oneoftheotherchampions,aguyIvaguelyrecognizefrommyfather’sparties,shovesmeasidewithalaughandstartsacrosstheraisedplatforms.HebarelymakesitthroughthreebeforeoneofAthena’speopleknockshimoff.It’snotevenafancymove.Theyliterallyshovehimandhegoesflying,landingonthepaddedgroundwithasoundIcan’thearovertheroarofthecrowd.
“Helen.”
IglanceovertofindAtalantastandingatmyshoulder.She’sfastenedherlocsbackandiswearingabodysuitofdeepsilver.Shegivesmeaquickgrin,thesmileturningherscarredfacefrommerelyattractiveintostriking.“Temporaryalliancetogetthroughthis?”
Ishouldbeabletodoitonmyown.ThewholepointoffightingforthetitleofAresissothateveryonewillbeforcedtotakemeseriously.But…I’mnofool.Igiveajerkynod.“Throughthefirsttrial.”
“Let’sseewhatyoucando.”Shehopsupontothefirstplatform,andIfollowquickly.She’squick,she’sstrong,andshe’sobviouslywelltrained.Evenseeinghercoming,Athena’spersonbarelyhasachancetotensebeforeAtalantasweepstheirlegsoutfrombeneaththemandsendsthemtumblingofftheplatforms.Thenit’saclearshottothehangingropeladder.
Iflyoverthecolumnplatformsinherwake.They’redeceptivelyfarapart,whichforcesmetoslowdown,butit’sasmallpricetopay.Icrossthemquicklyenoughandlandonthefinalonebelowtheropeladder.ItswaysandIlookupintimetoseeanotherofAthena’speopledroppingdownfromabove.
Ilurchback,nearlylosingmyfooting,butmanagetocourse-correctatthelastmoment.Theylandinfrontofmeandslowlyraisetostand.Theall-blackuniform,completewithmask,sendsashiverthroughme.They’realsoquiteabittallerthanme.Thatwillworkinmyfavorforonce.
Theylunge,obviouslyplanningtoshovemebackofftheplatform.InstinctdemandsIscrambleback,butIplantmyfeetandduckdownjustastheyreachforme.Fromthere,mymusclememorytakesover.Igrabtheirarmanduseitasleveragetostandandsendthemflyingpastme…Righttotheground.
Idon’twaittowatchthemland.I’malreadyscramblinguptheladderafterAtalanta.Ihaulmyselftothetopoftheladderandloopalegover,startingdowntheotherside.Themajorityoftheotherchampionsseemtohavechosenthethirdpath,andIcatchsightofoneofAthena’speoplemovingthroughagroupofthem,sendingpeopleflyingleftandright.FivechampionseliminatedbythetimeIdescendtheladder.
MyfeetbarelytouchdownonthenextplatformwhenIhearit.Aloudwhoopandawhizzingsound.IturnintimetoseeAjaxflyingalongtheropeswinginthecenterroute.
Atalantashakesherhead.“Whatafool.”
Ifrown,tryingtojudgethemomentum.“Hemightmakeit.”He’scertainlytallenoughtoforcephysicstoworktohisbenefit.
“Hewon’tmakeit.”
“Neitherwillweifwedon’tkeepmoving.”
AtalantaandIturnasonetothenextobstacle.Aseriesofpanelsissuspendedjustcloseenoughthatapersoncouldusetheirfeetandhandstowedgethemselvesalongwithoutfalling.Intheory.Thetrickiestpartisgoingtobestickingtheinitiallandingandthedismount,whichrequiresjumpingfromthepanels,grabbingarope,andswingingmyselfovertotheplatform.Timeitwrong,andI’llbejustasfuckedasAjax.AtleastItookoffmyshoes,soIdon’thavetoworryaboutthesolesofthemslipping.
“Atleasttherearenoopponentsonthisone.”There’snoplaceforthemtolieinwait.Ilookaround.We’retheonlytwoleftonthisroute.Therestofthechampionsareonthethird,anditlookslikemostofAthena’speoplehavefollowedthemthere.Good.
Atalantarollshershoulders.“I’lltaketherightone.”
It’sslightlywider,whichwouldmakeitdamnnearimpossibleformetomovewell.Iglanceatthetallerwoman.“Whyhelpme?”
“Idon’tneedtofuckwithyouinordertowin.”Sheshootsmeagrin.“I’mcurryingfavorwithmyfuturewife.”Atalantablowsmeakissandthenjumps,landingwithherfeetandarmsspreadtokeepherinplaceinawaythatlookseffortless.Onlytheslightshakeofherlegmusclesbetraysher,butthatdoesn’tstopherfrommovingforward.
Gods,whatamIdoing?CheckingoutherthighswhenI’msupposedtoberacing.
Ishakemyhead,takeabreath,andleapintotheleftpath.Thelandingvibratesthroughme,andIslideafewpreciousinchesdowntowardtheemptyspacebelow.Igritmyteethandstartforward.
AsIinchalong,IwatchAjax’smomentumslowoutofthecornerofmyeye.Hestopsagoodtwentyfeetfromthefinalplatformandcurses,swinginghisbodybackandforthinanattempttomoveclosertotheplatform.Itwon’twork,butIhavemyownproblemstoworryabout.
I’machinglyawareofthetimetickingdownasImoveforward.Thisissomuchharderthanitlooks.I’minthebestshapeofmylife,butittakesconcentrationtoensureatleasttwoopposinglimbsarepressingagainstthepanelswhilestillmovingforward.Igritmyteethandkeepgoing.
Ihavenotcomethisfartofailnow.Ihavetoomanymotherfuckerstoprovewrong.Mysiblings.Paris.Achilles.EverysinglepersoninOlympuswhothinksmyvaluebeginsandendswiththefamilyandfaceIwasbornwith.
Atalantaisoutpacingme,whichtemptsmetorush,butasinglemistakemeansruin.IconcentrateonbreathingasImovedownthepanel.Step,press,step,press.Overandoveragain.BythetimeIreachtheend,mybodyisshaking.IeyethedistanceI’llhavetocrosstoreachtheropeandswingtothenextplatform.Itlookslikemiles.Icouldmakeiteasilyifmymuscleswerestillfresh,butI’mexhausted.
“Icandothis,”Imutter.Itdoesn’tmatterifIcanorcan’t,becauseIdon’thavetimetowaffle.Everysecondclickingbypushesmeclosertoruin,tothetimerunningoutormybodygivingout.
Ileap.
Thesecondmyfeetleavethepanels,IknowI’vemisjudged.IhittheropeseveralfeetlowerthanIplanned,tooclosetothebottom.Theropeswings,butIslidedownafewmoreprecariousinches,mylegsflailing.
Fuck,fuck,fuck.
TheplatformishigherthanIexpectedbasedonwhereIplannedtograbtherope,andmymomentumislessthananticipated.Itdoesn’tmatter.Ihavetojump.Ireleasemyselfatthepinnacleoftheswingandslamintotheplatform,onlymyupperbodyclearingit.Mybreathwhooshesoutofme,butIdon’tletmyselffreezeup.IfIdo,Ifall.
Iscrambleforpurchaseagainsttheflatsurface,butIloseaninch,slidingbacktowardthefloor.Backtowarddefeat.No,damnit.Ihavecometoofar.I’mnotgoingtoletalittlethinglikegravitybeatmenow.Iforcemyselftogostill,tothink.IfIcangetalegontotheplatform…
Adarkbootappearsinmyfieldofvision,andIlookupinhorrortofindoneofAthena’speoplestandingoverme.Theyraisetheirfoot,obviouslyintendingtokickmeintheface.Ohfuck,thisisgoingtohurt.
Theynevergetachance.
Atalantaappearsbehindthem.AtfirstIthinkshe’ssimplygoingtoshovethemofftheplatform,butshe’smoreofashowwomanthanthat.Shehaulsthemaroundanddeliversadevastatingpunchtotheirface.Theygobonelessandfalltotheplatform.Holyshit,shejustknockedthemoutwithasinglehit.
Shegrinsatthecrowdandgivesacheerywavebeforefocusingonme.Sheleansover,medium-brownskinshiningwithsweat,andoffersmeahand.Ishakemyhead.“I’vegotit.”
“Youreallydon’t.”
Ihatethatshemightberight.Myarmsquiver,butIshakemyhead.“I’vegotit.”
Shemakesanimpatientsound,hertoneexasperated.“Stopwastingtimeandtakemyhand,orI’llleaveyouandyou’llfall.”
Whensheputsitlikethat,therereallyisnootherchoice.Islapmyhandintohersandletherpullmeupontotheplatform.Thecrowdgoeswildinresponse,theveryarenaseemingtoshake.Atalantagivesmeaquickgrin,andthenI’minherarms.Shedoesn’tgivemeachancetoreactbeforeshebendsmebackintoashowydipandgivesmeaquickkiss.Shesetsmeonmyfeetandthenshe’sgone,racingupthelastobstacle,athickknottedropethatwe’llhavetoclimbtoreachthefinalplatform.
Therearethreeropes,soIhurrytotheoneinthemiddle.Myarmsandlegsprotestviolentlyatthethoughtofmore,butI’veworkedthroughthatkindofpainmoretimesthanIcancount.Beingagymnasthurts,sure,butnotmorethangrowingupinmyfather’shouse.Really,I’vebeentrainingforthismomentmyentirelife.
Istartuptherope,fightingagainstgravityandmyownweaknessasIascend.I’mhalfwayupwhentheopponentAtalantaknockedoutstumblestotheirfeetandlooksup.Ican’tseetheirfacethroughtheblackmask,butIfeeloureyesmeet.Theystartformyrope,staggeringalittle.“No,”Iwhisper.
Ididnotcomethisfaronlytofailnow.
Ifightagainstmyexhaustedmuscles,fightagainstgravityitself,topullmybodyupanothersixinches.Itwon’tbeenough.They’retootall.Theyreachthebottomoftheropeandjump,grabbingmyankle.Thecontactalmostripsmerightofftherope.Islidedownafewincheswithashriekthatthescreamsofthecrowdswallowup.Anotheryankripsmecleanofftherope.
Theplatformrushesuptomeetme,andIlandflatonmyface.Ithurts.Fuck,ithurts.ButifIstaydown,I’llbeeliminated,andthatisn’tanoption.Istaggertomyfeet,thearenaspinningwildlyaroundme.Thecrowdsoundslikeaferalbeastbayingforblood.Theywanttoseemefail.Everyonewantstoseemefail.
Ontheothersideoftherope,Athena’spersonisclimbingtotheirfeetaswell.Theystilldon’tlooksteady,butifthey’reanythinglikeAchillesandPatroclus,thatwon’tmakethemlessdangerous.I’llonlygetoneshotatthis.
Idon’tstoptothinkaboutallthethingsthatcouldgowrong.There’snotimeforthat.Itaketwoquickstepsandleap,grabbingtherope.It’stooheavytoswingmuch,butmymomentumworksinmyfavor.Istraightenmylegsjustasmyfeetmakecontactwiththeirchest.Theimpactnearlytakesmeofftheropeagain,butitsendsthemflyingofftheplatform.
There’snotimetosavormyvictory.Ihaven’twonyet.Fuck,Ihaven’tevenpassedthefirstchallengeyet.Aquickglanceattheclockhaspanicseizingme.IfIfallagain,Iwon’tgetanotherchance.
Feargivesmestrength.Ihaulmyselfup,handoverhand,withaspeedIwouldhavethoughtimpossible.Thistime,nooneassistsmeasIreachthefinalplatformandscrambleontoit.Ilookattheclock,barelydaringtobelieveit.Ididit.I’mhere.
Ipassedthefirsttrial.
Youdidn’tdoitonyourown.Youneededhelp,andeveryonesawthatyouweren’tstrongenough.
Thevoicesoundshorrifyinglylikemyfather.Ishudder,mychestgoingtightandthroattryingtoclose.Itdoesn’tmatterthatIneededhelp.Iwon’tletitmatter,evenifitmeansIhavetogoaboveandbeyondthenexttime.
AllthatmattersisthatIpassedthistrial,sotherewillbeanexttime.
Istretchmyarmsoverheadandconcentrateonbreathingthroughtheacheinmybody.Easiertofocusonthatthanthetumultuousemotionsrunningriotinsideme.Iforcemyselftolookaroundandtakestockofthoseontheplatformaroundme.Atalantaisnearby,lookingbarelywinded.Fromthethirdroute,therearetenpeoplewhopassedthefirsttrial,amongthemHector,Paris,thetwostrangers…andAchillesandPatroclus.
Despitemyself,myattentionnarrowsonthelattertwo.Ofcoursetheymadeit.Idoubttheyneededhelp,either.Evenmoreirritatingly,theybothhaveafinesheenofsweatontheirskinandthesignofexertiononlymakesthembothmoreattractive.Atraitorouslittlezingjoltsmybody,andIforcemyselftolookaway.
Uptothispoint,I’vedonemybestnottothinkaboutwhathappenedyesterday.Ican’tbelievethingsgotsooutofcontrol.IneverwouldhavesleptwithAchillesifIwasn’talreadyreelingfromtheeventsofthelastcoupleofdays.Ifhehadn’ttossedmeoverhisshoulderlikeItrulywassomeprincessaconqueringknighthappenedacrossandrippedfromhersafetower.Ifhehadn’tessentiallyofferedhimselfastheperfecttarget.Someonetotakeallmyuglyemotionsoutonwithouthavingtoworryabouttheaftermath.IhighlydoubtIcandoasinglethingtohurtthatman,eitheremotionallyorphysically.
Hemightnothavebeenthesafechoiceofanoutlet,butIcan’tdenythathewastheperfectoneallthesame.Hetookmyblowsandletmeprovokehimtodoexactlywhatwebothwanted.Tofuckmelikehehatedme.Except…itdidn’tentirelyfeellikethat.
Iknowwhatit’sliketohavesexwithsomeonewhohatesyou.Parisprovedthattowardtheendofourrelationship.Hehurtmeonpurpose.Neverphysically,ofcourse.He’sagentleman.ButhespilledpoisonintomyearwhenIwasmostvulnerable,whenmybarriersweren’tasstrongasnormal.
Gods,Helen,ifyou’renotgoingtodoitright,youcanleaveandI’lldoitmyself.
Sorrythatyoudidn’tcome,honey.You’resodamnhardtoplease.
YoukeepactinglikeI’mtheproblem.Haveyoueverthoughtthatyou’retheonlyonewithanissueinthisrelationship?
EvenwhenAchilleswastossingmearound,evenwhenhewasgrowlingatme,IstillfeltsafeinawayIneverfeltwithParis.Ididn’thavetoworryaboutbeingcalledaselfishbitchbecauseIwasaftermyownpleasure.Achillessimplytookitasfact.Morethanthat,hemadesureitwasgoodforme.Thatorgasmwasn’tfeigned,andhedidn’tleaveituptometogetmyselfoff.Hedidn’tactlikeitwasachoretomakesurewebothhadagoodtimeevenwhilehatefucking,either.
After?Well,Ican’tthinkaboutaftertoomuch.IneedtodislikeAchilles.He’sstandingbetweenmeandwhatIwantmostinthisworld.Iabsolutelycannotaffordtosoftentowardhim.
Patroclusglancesatme,andthesecondoureyesmeet,guiltswarmsme.HavingsexwithAchillesmightormightnothavebeenamistakeonitsown,butIcan’thelpfeelingextrabadbecausePatroclusisinvolved.Iwentfromflirtingwithhimandcomingontohimtosleepingwithhisboyfriend.Itdoesn’tmatterthatthey’reinanopenrelationship.ThewayIwentaboutthingsisshitty.
Now’snotthetimetothinkaboutthis,though.NotwhenAthenaisliftingherhands,onceagaincallingforsilenceinthearena.“Congratulationstothechampionswhohavepassedthefirsttrial.Thesecondwillbeginintwodays’time.”
It’sover.
Itseemsalmostunderwhelmingtobeleddowntheladderatthebackoftheplatformandguidedtowardtheexit.Wewereherelessthantenminutes.Tenminutestodecidewhetherornotourdreamswouldbestoppedshortorallowedtocontinue.ItmakesmealittlesicktomystomachtothinkabouthowcloseIcametoelimination.IfAtalantahadn’thelpedme…
Icouldhavedoneitonmyown…Ithink.
Aswe’reledbacktothevans,Idon’tmisshowAchillesandPatroclusseemdeterminedtokeepasfarawayfrommeaspossible.I’msobusylookingatthem,Idon’trealizeParisisbesidemeuntilhedropsanarmaroundmyshoulder.“Thatwasquitetheperformanceyouputon,Helen.”Heusesmysurprisetotugmeclose.
“Letmego,Paris,”Isayquietly.IhavetospeakquietlybecauseifIstartyelling,ImightdosomethingI’llregret,somethingthatwillgetmeeliminatedfromthetournament.He’snotattackingme,forallthathe’stouchingmewithoutpermission.Ihavenooutwardjustificationtosomuchasslaphim.“Rightnow.”
He,ofcourse,ignoresme.Hisarmprobablydoesn’tappeartightfromtheothers’pointofview,butIcan’tgetawayfromhimwithoutmakingascene.“YouwouldhavefallenifAtalantadidn’tstepin.Nomatterwhatyoulooklike—cutegetupbytheway,evenifIpreferyouindresses—you’rethesameoldHelen.Youcan’tfunctionwithoutsomeonetheretoholdyourhandandtellyouwhattodo.It’sokay,honey.I’mmorethanhappytogiveyouaguidinghand.”
HiswordssinkdeepintotherawspotsIdon’tshowanyone.HowfuckingnaivehadIbeentoconfessmydarkestfearstoParis?He’snevermissedachancetosinktheknifeindeepandtwistit.
He’swrong,though.Myfearsarewrong,too.
I’mnothelpless.Idon’tneedasavior.Idon’t.IttakeseverythingIhavetokeepaquiverfrommyvoice,toofferonlycalmevenaspanicfluttersinmychest.“GetyourhandsoffmeorI’llremovethemmyself.”
“Doit.”Hegrins,everyinchthecharmingprince.“Iknowhowyoulikeitrough.Daddy’slittleprincessinpublicandmylittleslutinprivate.”Wordsdesignedtohurtme,toturnsomethingthatIthoughtwasasafespacedirtyandunclean.IthoughtwewerehavingfunandplayingoutfantasiesI’dneveradmittedtoanyone.Pariswassimplyaddingmoreweaponstohisarsenal.
MyskinpricklesandIhavetoconcentrateinordernottodropmygaze.Iwillnotbackdownfromthisman,willnotlethimunderminemyconfidenceinmyself,willnotlethimshamemeforsomethingheenjoyedjustasmuchasIdid.“Letgo.”
“Youlikedprotestingthen,too.”Hesqueezesmetighter.“Keepgoing.Ilikeit.”
Achillskittersdownmyspine.ThisisthescariestthingaboutParis.Heneveractuallythreatens,hardlyeveryells.Buthisunrelentingdeterminationtoseetheworldhiswayregardlessofevidencetothecontrary?Hisnice-guysmilesevenashe’scalmlylaunchingverbalassaults?It’sterrifying.
Thepanicflutteringinmychestgetsstronger,andalittletremorflickersthroughmytonewhenIspeak.“Youdon’thavetherighttotouchme.”Attackinganotherchampionisstrictlyforbiddenandheknowsit.He’susingitagainstme.Itrytoduckoutfrombeneathhisarm,buthetightenshishold.I’mtrapped.AllthetrainingandallthepreparationandI’mheldcaptiveinthearmsofamanwhomeansmeharm.Itrytoswallowpastthewaymythroatcloses.Notagain.IwillnotdothiswithParisagain.Ilookaroundforhelp,butAchilles,Patroclus,andAtalantahavedisappearedintothefirstvan.Hectorandtheotherfourchampionsarenowheretobeseen,andBellerophonisoccupiedarguingquietlywiththeMinotaurandTheseus.There’snoonecomingtosaveme.
Wait.
Idon’tneedsaving.
Godsdamnit,ittookParisallofaminutetoslammerightbackintothehelplessskinI’veworkedsohardtoescape.Iamnothelpless.Iammorethancapableofsavingmyself.Iturntowardhimuntilwe’renearlychesttochest.“Paris?”
Hisgazedropstomylipsandhisvoicedeepens.“Yeah?”
Igrabhiscockinanirongripandsqueeze.Hemakesapainednoiseandtriestojerkback,butIhavetoogoodahold.Allhemanagestodoishurthimself.MybodyhideswhatI’mdoingfromBellerophon,whichisjustaswell.Thiswoulddefinitelyqualifyasanattack.Itwistmywristalittle,enjoyingthewayParisgoesasicklygreen.“Ifyoutouchmeagainwithoutmypermission,I’llgutyou.”
“Bitch.”Hisvoiceisalittletoohigh.“Youwanttoplayrough?We’llplayrough.”
Iignorethewaveoffearhiswordsbringandtwistharder.Hardenoughthathiskneesbuckle.“Youwillnever,ever,playwithmeagain,youbastard.”
“You’llpayforthis,”hewheezes
“No,Iwon’t.Becauseyou’renotgoingtowin.Iam.”Ireleasehimandtakeaquickstepback,puttingsomemuch-neededdistancebetweenus.
Hestraightensslowly.“Helen.”Goneistheanger,quicklymaskedbehindthecharm.He’salwaysbeenabletotuckawayhisnegativeemotionslikethat.Atleastuntiltherareoccasionswhentheyexplodewithoutwarning.PariswincesalittleandsmilesasifIjustdidsomethingclever.“Alwayssoreckless.Alwayssowillingtohurtyourselftohurtme.”
“Shutup.”IrealizemymistakethesecondIsaythewords.Imightaswellwavearedflaginfrontofabull.Parislovesnothingmorethangettingbeneathmyskin.
Sureenough,hissmilewidens.“DoyoureallythinkyourbrotherisgoingtoletsomeonelikeyoubecomeAres?YourtemperalonewillbringdownOlympus.You’renotstrategic;youneverknowwhentofoldorbend.Youcan’tevenpassasimpleobstaclecoursewithouthelp,andyouthinkyoucandirectOlympus’sarmy?Don’tmakemelaugh.You’llmakeusweak,easytopickoffforourenemies.Enemieslikethem.”Henodsatthevanthatthetwonon-Olympianshavedisappearedinto.“Ifyoureallywantwhat’sgoodforthecity,you’dstepdownnow.”
EvenasItrytocomeupwitharesponse,hiswordsburrowdeepandplantpoisonousroots.Iamimpulsiveandreckless.Ihavebeenmyentirelife.Howmanytimeshavemyfather,mybrother,accusedmeoftheverysamething?IfIweren’trecklessandimpulsive,IwouldneverhavehadsexwithAchilleslastnight.Iwouldn’thavemadeapassatPatroclus.Iwouldn’thavedonealotofwildactsI’vecommittedoverthecourseofmylifewhenthepressurebeneathmyskinbecomestoomuchtobear.
IneverwouldhavedaredattempttobecomeAres.
Idon’tcare.Parisiswrong.Hehastobewrong,andIwillnotlethimmakemedoubtmyself.Noteveragain.Iswallowpastthethicknessinmythroat.“Nexttimeyoutouchmewithoutpermission,I’llcutoffyourarmandbeatyoutodeathwithit.”
“Temper,temper.”Helaughsandmovesaroundmetoclimbintothenearestvan.
I’drathercutoffmyownarmthanfollowhim,soIturnonmyheelandheadforthenextonedowntheline.Bellerophonliftstheirbrowsatme.“Problem?”
“Ofcoursenot.”Ican’tquitemanageasmile,soIduckaroundthemandclimbintothebackofthevan.
It’snotuntilI’msittingtherebetweenthetwostrangersthatIpauselongenoughtowonderifI’vemadeamistakebypickingthisvan.Thenthedoorsshut,andit’stoolate.Damnit.I’mtoorawtokeepmyshittogether,practicallyvibratingoutofmyskinwithfeelingsIdon’tknowwhattodowith.I’mnotuptosparringwitheitherofthesemen,verballyorotherwise.
Theonewithshorterhair,Theseus,stretchesouthisbiglegsandgivesmealonglook.“BackwhereI’mfrom,womenknowtheirplace.”
Wow,he’snotevengoingtotrytosoftenmeup,ishe?Weirdlyenough,that’salmostacomfort.Idon’thavetobesweetandsunnyandpoliticalinmyresponse.Iblinkslowlyathim.“Thatmustbesoniceforyou.Whereyoucomefrom,dotheyalsoofferunsolicitedopinionstostrangers?”
Hesmilesbriefly,butit’snotahappylook.“You’renotastranger,though,areyou?You’retheprize.”
Thanksforremindingme.IglanceattheMinotaur.Hewatchesbothofuswithanemptylookinhisblueeyes.Creepy.Igivethembothamocksympatheticlook.“Youdon’tstandachanceofwinning,andourwomenknowtheirplaceisequaltoeveryoneelse.Gohomebeforeyouembarrassyourselves.”Ifeelsorryforthewomeninquestionifhe’stellingthetruth,butwherecouldhepossiblyoriginatefrom?Mars?
Theseusshakeshishead.“You’reproofthatOlympusissoft.Youandyourpeoplehavelivedinthelapofluxuryforsolong,you’veforgottenwhatit’slikeintherealworld.”
Coldslithersthroughme.“Isupposeyou’reheretoteachustheerrorofourways.Luckyus.”
“Youhavequitethemouthonyou.We’llworkonthat.”
ThepanicIexperiencedfromthatconfrontationwithPariscomesback—withinterest.Asingleconversationwiththisman,andhe’squicklycompetingwithmyexforthepersonIleastwanttowin.It’smorethanthethreatheposestomepersonally;it’sthewayhe’scallingOlympussoftasifhe’llhaveanopportunitytochangeit.MaybeIwastoohastyinwritingoffacoupattempt.Wecannotalloweitherofthemtowin.Ishudder.“Thanks,butnothanks.”
Heleansforward,buttheMinotaurgrunts.Whatevertherelationshipbetweenthesetwo,thatsoundisenoughtocallTheseusoff.Heleansbackandcloseshiseyes,effectivelyendingtheconversation.
It’sjustaswell.Ifeelabitlikecrackedglassatthemoment.Onewrongmovewillshattermecompletely.Itdoesn’tmakeanysense.Ipassedthefirsttrial;Ishouldbeecstatic.Ishouldbecelebrating.Instead,I’mfightingtheurgetocry.
Whatinthegods’namesiswrongwithme?
Idon’thaveananswerbythetimewearrivebackatthedorms.Ikeepmygazeontheflooraswefilebacktoourrespectiverooms.It’sonlywhenIclosethedoorbetweenmeandtherestoftheworldthatIstarttoshake.AtleastIheldittogetheruntilthismomentwhenIcanbreakdownalone.
WhichisrightaroundthemomentIrealizeI’mnotactuallyalone.
HermesandDionysusloungeonmycouch.She’sflippingthroughchannelssoquickly,there’snowayshe’sregisteringeachone.He’ssupineonthecouch,hisheadinherlapwhilesheidlysiftsherfingersthroughhishair.
Ishouldbehappytoseethem.They’remyfriendsafterall,andIwasjustthinkingabouthowmuchImissthemlastnightwhenIwasallaloneandoutofsorts.Isigh.Ishouldstopusingthewordshould.Itdoesn’tmatterthatthey’remyfriends,becausethey’remyfriendssecond.Aswithmysiblings,forHermesandDionysus,beingamemberoftheThirteencomesfirst.“Whatareyoutwodoinghere?”
“Sillyquestion.Wecametoseeyou,bestie.”Hermesclicksoffthetelevisionandanglesherbodytofaceme.Herhairbobsaroundherheadinblackringlets,andshe’swearingbright-pinklipstickthatsetsoffherdark-brownskinandmatchesherjumpsuitandshoes.Herstyleisflawless,asalways.
Dionysusletsoutafaintsnore.He’sgotonagraphicT-shirtfromsomebandI’veneverheardofandapairoffadedjeans.Hismustacheiscurledperfectlydespitethenap,sohe’seitherfakingitorhejustfellasleep.
Itdoesn’tmatter.Idon’thavetheenergyforthisrightnow.“IneedashowerandamealbeforeIdoanythingremotelyentertaining.”NotthatIcanleavethehouseorpropertywhileI’machampion,butHermesandDionysusaremorethancapableofcreatingtheirownentertainment.Especiallywiththekindsofpeoplethechampionsarecomprisedof
“Ohfine,youcaughtme.”Hermesrollshereyes,thoughshe’sstillsmiling.Enjoyingherselfatmyexpense.Noreasontotakeitpersonally;Hermesenjoysherselfateveryone’sexpense.“Ihaveamessageforyoufromyourbrother.”
Disappointlashesme.TrustmybrothertosendHermesinherofficialcapacityinsteadofcominghimself.Itrytokeepmyfeelingsoffmyface.“Howstrangethathecouldn’tmakethetimetohaveapolitelittlesit-downwithme.It’senoughtomakeasisterdoubtwhereshestandsonhislistofpriorities.”Kindoflikewhenhemakesplanstomarryoffsaidsisterwithoutconsultingherfirst.
“Youknowhowitis.”SheshrugsandstartsbraidingDionysus’shair.It’sshortenoughthatshemakesquickworkofeachbraid,buttheystandoutstraightfromhishead.“ZeusisbusybeingZeus.RulingOlympus,puttingoutfires,entertainingourout-of-townvisitors.”Shegivesamischievoussmile.“AndbeingmarriedtothatHeraisafull-timejobonitsown.”
Idon’tcommentonthefactthatHeraistheonewhosuggestedIjointhetournamentinspiteofmebeingtheprize.IfHermesdoesn’talreadyknow—andhowcouldshe?—I’mnotabouttobetheonetotellher.Idon’tthinkshe’drunrighttomybrotherwiththeinformation,butshelikestokeeppeopleontheirtoes,soIcan’tguaranteeit.
Besides,I’mcertainCallisto’smotivationwassimplytostirthepotandcausetrouble,evenifsheindirectlyhelpedmeintheprocess.IfPerseusfindsouthiswifeproddedmeintothisaction,itwillcauseevenmoredrama.Nomatterherreasons,Callistodidmeafavorbysnappingmeoutofmyself-pityspiral.Iwon’touther.“Noonetwistedhisarmandforcedaringonhisfinger.”Notlikehe’sdonetome.
“You’dbesurprised.”Shefinishesanotherbraid.“Willyouhearthemessage?”
AsifIhaveachoice.“Yes.”
Sheclearsherthroat,andastartlingapproximationofmybrother’sdeepervoiceemergesfromherlips.“You’vehadyourfun.It’sovernow.Resignbeforethenexttrial.”
Iwait,butsheseemstobefinished.“That’sit?Normallyhelikestothreatensomekindofconsequence.”
Hermesshrugs.“He’salittledistracted.TheMinotaurandTheseusdidn’tcometoOlympusalone,andyourbrotherhashishandsfulldealingwiththeleaderoftheirlittlegroup,Minos.”
Easyenoughtoreadbetweenthelines.Theirleaderishere,watchingmemakeafoolofmybrotherandtherestoftheThirteen.It’sunderminingZeus’sauthorityanddoingtheexactthinghedoesn’twant—makinguslookweak.Morelikemakinghimlookweak.
Olympusneedsafirmhand.
Asliverofregretgoesthroughme.Imightwanttowringmybrother’sneckrightnow,butevenIcanadmithe’slikelydoingthebesthecanincircumstancesnotofhisownmaking.Hehadn’tthoughttotakeoverthetitleofZeusforyearsyet,butourfather’sunexpecteddeathchangedthewholetimeline.IdowantOlympussafeandstable.
MaybeIshouldresign.
Mystomachclenchesatthethought,butIforcemyselftoconsiderit.IfIresignnow…Ishakemyhead.Itwon’thelp.ThedamagewasalreadydonethemomentIputmynameforwardanddefiedmybrotherpublicly.More,nowthatI’mdirectlycompetingwiththeMinotaurandTheseus,Ican’taffordtodoanythingbutputonagoodshowing.I’mrepresentingOlympusagainsttheiroutsiders’interests.I’mrepresentingmybrother,evenifhe’sfuriousaboutit.
I’maKasios,afterall.
Humiliatingmemeanshumiliatinghim.Resigningnowisweak,anditwillmakehimappearweak.He’snotthinkingclearlyorhe’dhaverealizedthatonhisown.Itakeadeepbreath.“Backingoutnowwon’tchangethefactthatIparticipatedinthefirstplace.Itwon’tsuddenlymakehimlookbetter.”
“Idon’tknowthatZeusisthinkingclearlyatthemoment,”Hermessays,mirroringmythoughts.
Isuspectshe’sright,butIwon’ttalkshitaboutmybrotherrightnow,notwhenhe’sinaprecariouspositionandI’mpartlytoblame.InsteadIlaugh,loudandgiddyandfake.“Sure.Asifhe’severletemotionsgetthebestofhimevenonceinhislife.”Evenastheliefliesfree,guiltpricks.Perseuswasn’taneffusivechild,buthefelteverythingverydeeply.Ourfathersawitasaflaw,aweaknesstobeexploitedbyfutureenemies,andspentmostofourchildhoodcarvingthatsoftnessoutofmybrother,piecebypiece.
Hermesconsidersmeforalongmoment,andIfindmyselfholdingmybreath.Imighthavebeenfriendswithherforyears,butinthismoment,westandalmostasequals:heroneoftheThirteen,meacontenderforbeingamemberoftheThirteenaswell.Shefinishesabraidandsitsback.“Areyousureaboutthis?”
“PleaseinformmybrotherthatwhileIappreciatehisrequest,I’mseeingthisthrough.”
“Willdo.”HermespatsDionysus’schest.“Timetogo,love.”
Heopenshiseyes,blinkingatme.“Hey,Helen.Whendidyougethere?”
“Hey.”Imanageatiredsmile.“Haveanicenap?”
“Alwaysdo.”Hesitsupandstretches.Thelittlebraidsinhishairgivehimthelookofastartledbird.“Goodshowontheobstaclecourse.We’rerootingforyou.”
“Thanks.”Idon’tknowwhatelsetosay.Thesearemyfriends,butif—when—Iwinthistournament,thedynamicofourrelationshipwillhavetochange.I’llbeoneoftheThirteen,too.Iwaveatiredhandatthem.“Areyoustickingaround?”
“Nope.”Hermesjumpstoherfeet.“Thenightisyoung,andwe’reofftohavefun.”
Dionysustakesmyhandsandpressesakisstoeachofmycheeks.“Shemeanswe’reofftogetsomeofMinos’speopledrunkandseewhatinformationwecanminefromthem.”
Thatpullsalaughfromme.“Allinaday’swork.”Idon’ttellthemtobecareful.Despiteoutwardappearances,bothDionysusandHermesaremorethancapableoftakingcareofthemselves.Andeachother.Beyondthat,thisispartofDionysus’sspecialty.Hemightplaythefoolinpublic,buthedidn’twinhistitlebyaccident.He’sgotacunningmindbehindthatridiculousmustache.
Iwalkthemoutandlockthedoorbehindthem.Onlythendomyshouldersslump,weigheddownbyallthethingsbothsaidandunsaid.NoonebelievesIcanpullthisoff.Notmyenemies.Notmyfamily.Notevenmyfriends.Nomatterwhatwordstheymouth,they’reallwaitingformetofail.They’resureofit.
Iturnawayfromthedoorandploddownthehallwithheavysteps.Ineedashowerandabouteighthoursofsleep.
Maybetheworldwillmakesenseinthemorning.
13
Achilles
“Stophovering.”
Iswallowmyfrustrationandpaceanotherlaparoundthelivingroom.“I’mnothovering.”Iamhovering.Ihavebeensincewegotbacktotherooms.Iwanttoblameitonalltheadrenalinewithnooutput.Thattrialwastoodamnshort,evenwiththeopponentscausingsnagsalongtheway.IfI’djustbeenabletoworkhard,toexpelsomemoreenergy,maybeI’dbeabletosettledownnow.
Patroclussighsandsetsdownhise-reader.He’sgotglassesperchedontheendofhisnose,andhelookssoadorablynerdy,Iwanttokisshim.Toobadtryingwouldprobablymeanablackeyewithhowpissedheisrightnow.It’snotoftenmymangetsriled,butwhenhedoes,ittakesalongtimeforhimtoworkthroughit.Ihavenoonebutmyselftoblameforthecurrentshitstorm
Hegivesmealonglook.“You’regettingwhatyouwant.Whyareyousoupset?”
Ihateitwhenhedoesthis.Insteadofadmittingjusthowfuriousheis,heturnsitaroundandtalkstomeasifI’mtheonebeingridiculous.It’spatronizingintheextreme,oneofPatroclus’sshittierhabits.Thefactthathe’srightonlyirritatesmemore.“Ifuckedup.Whydon’tyoujustlike…yell?Throwsomething?Fuck,punchmeifitwillmakeyoufeelbetter.”
“That’sabuse.”
Icrossmyarmsovermychest.“Thentalktome.Stopicingmeout.”He’sbarelyspokensixwordstomesincelastnight.Ihateitwhenhedoesthis;he’ssittinginfrontofme,buthemightaswellbeonanotherplanetforallIcanreachhim.Thesekindsoffightsdon’thappenoften,butwhentheydo,theydrivehomehowdifferentweare.ItservesasareminderthatonedayPatrocluswillgettiredofmyshitandicemeoutpermanently.
Notthistime.
Notyet.
Please,gods,notyet.
“I’msorry.IsaidI’mfuckingsorry.I’vesaiditadozentimes.Whatelsedoyouwantfromme?”It’snotafairask,andwebothknowit,butI’msofrustrated,Iwanttoshredsomething.
“DoyouregrethavingsexwithHelen?”
Istarttosayyes,buthe’llknowifIliebecauseI’mshitatit.Ihatelying.I’dratherkeepmymouthshutandsaynothingatallthanlie.Neitherisanoptionunderhisintenselook.“No.”GodshelpmebutIdon’thateherasmuchasIthoughtIwould,andIcan’tblametheorgasmonthatshift.She’snothinglikeIexpected,andyetsomehowalsoeverythingthatIexpected.Idon’treallygetit,butI’mintriguedallthesame.
Andthesexwassofuckinggood.Itwasintenseandalittleterrifying,butIcan’tsayIwouldn’tdoitagain.WhenIbecomeAresandshebecomesmywife,it’salmostacertainty.
“Whichmeansyouwilldoitagain.”Heconsidersmeforalongmoment.“AndifIsaidIwanttosleepwithher…”EvenasItrynottotense,Icanfeelmybodylockingup.Patroclusnodsslowly.“Yeah,Ithoughtso.You’reafuckinghypocrite.”
“I’vebeencalledworse.”Worsehasbeentrue,too.
“Iknow.”Hepicksuphise-readeragain.“Iamstillangrywithyou.Ican’tjustsnapmyfingersandgetoverit,evenifyou’renothappythatI’mangry.It’snothowemotionswork.”
Therehegoesbeingpatronizingagain.Iexhaleharshly.“Iknowhowemotionswork,Patroclus.”
Hedoesn’tlookup.Hejustadjustshisglassesandleansbackagainstthecouch.“Ineedsometime.IthoughtI’dmademypeacewithyourpendingnuptials,butIhavetoworkthroughmysideofitbecauseit’ssignificantlymorerealnowthatHelenismorethanjustatheory.”
Mystomachdrops.Isithappening?Isthistheend?It’scomeatmetoofast,toooutofleftfield.Iswallowhard.“Whatdoesthatmean?”
“Iloveyou.”Hetapshise-reader,turningthepage.“Onefightdoesn’tchangehowIfeel,anditdoesn’tchangetheplan.Just…givemetime,Achilles.”
That’stheproblem.Ifhisimpressivebraingetsgoingonthistangledsituation,hemightdecidethattheendofthistournamentistheendofourrelationship.Iknowit’sselfishasfucktowanttokeephimevenwhileI’mmarriedtosomeoneelse.It’sevenmoreselfishnowthatI’vehadsexwithHelenandthere’sadistinctpossibilityofithappeningagainnomatterwhatprotestsImake.Mostofall,it’sdamnnearunforgivablethatIcan’tstandthethoughtofhimandHelentogetherwithoutmeinthepicture.NomatterwhichwayIlookatit,we’renolongerspeakingaboutapoliticalmarriageofconvenience.Nowit’smessy.It’smyfault,butthere’snoeasyfixforthis.
Damnit.
“I’llgiveyoutime,then.”Thewordscomeoutdull.Iturnandwalkoutthedoor.I’mtoorestlesstotrytosleepyet—ifI’llbeabletosleepatall—soIheaddownthehall.WanderingthedarkissomethingIusedtodowhenIwasakid.Backthen,Ididn’tsleepalot.Itwasagame,awaytobattlemydeepfearofthedark.Themonsterscan’thurtwhattheycan’tsee,hear,sense.Itwasn’tliketheorphanagewasbadoranything.Idon’tknowifanyofthelastZeus’sHerasevenbotheredtomesswithit,butthepeopleinchargewereniceenough.Itwasn’tlikethemoviessay.Noonewastryingtotouchmeorabusemeorusemeforexperimentstosummonademonorsomeshit.
Still,nomatterhowMs.Hebetriedtoensurewewerebeingraisedaswelladjustedaspossible,sometimesthenightswere…rough.Wanderingtheplaceafterdarkhelped.Movementhasalwayshelpedme.
It’sbeenalongtimesinceIfeltthecompulsion,though.Idon’tworryabouttheshitIcan’tseeanymore.IseewhatIneedto,andI’mnotthesamescaredlittlekidIwasbackthen.I’mawarrior.There’snothinglifecanthrowatmethatIcan’thandle.
OrsoIthought.
I’vehadPatroclusatmysidesincewewereenlistedinAres’ssecurityforcesateighteen.Hismomsthoughtitwouldbegoodforhim,withthestructureandphysicalityandall.Ihadachiponmyshoulderandsomethingtoprove.Iknoweveryonethinkswe’retoodifferent;theythoughtitbackthen,too.Butevenasteenagers,wejust…clicked.
Idon’tknowwhatI’ddowithouthim.EventhoughpartofmealwaysthoughteventuallyPatrocluswouldmoveontosomeonewhostressedhimoutless,mostofmeneverbelieveditwouldhappen.Now,thepossibilityisalltooreal.
It’slateenoughthatthehouseisdeserted,everyoneintheirbedsandkeepingoutoftrouble.Bellerophonortheirpeoplewillhaveclockedmymovement,evenwithoutmeturningonthelights.They’retoogoodtoletpeoplegetintotroubleafterdark.I’mnotinterestedingettingintotrouble,though.Ijustwanttoexpelsomeofthisawfulfeelingchurninginmygut.
I’vefuckedthingsup.IknewthatthemomentIcameoutofthehazeoflustonthefloornexttoHelen.Eventhen,though,IhalfconvincedmyselfthatPatrocluswouldrollwiththisthesamewayherollswithallmyotherbullshit.Wishfulthinking.
Iseethewayhelooksather.
He’sneverlookedatanyonelikethat…exceptforme.
IwishIcouldclaimIsleptwithhersolelybecauseIwantedtoandnotbecauseIwasjealousofherandPatroclus.IwishIwasn’tthatbigofanassholetodosomethingsoselfishjusttokeepthemawayfromeachother.Evenwhenhe’sfuckedotherpeople,it’sbeenallingoodfunorsatisfyingacuriosity.He’sneverwatchedsomeonewalkacrosstheroomwithalongingIcanfuckingfeelevenfromafewfeetaway.He’sonlybeeninclosecontactwithHelenasanadultforafewdays.Howmuchstrongerwillthatgetinaweek?Inafewmonthsafterwe’remarried?
Ifhefallsinlovewithher…
Yeah,I’manasshole.Iwanttohavemycakeandeatit,too,andit’snotfuckingfair.IfI’dsloweddownlongenoughtothinkaboutit,I’dliketopretendIwouldhavemadedifferentchoices.Butthen,Idon’tlikelying,doI?
Ihuffoutabreathandopentheslidingglassdoortothebackpatio.Theheatofthedayhascooled,andthenightairfeelsgoodagainstmyskin.Itdoesn’tbringanyclarity,though.Thissituationissofuckedup,andI’mtoblameforalargesliceofthepie.Iknowthat,butitdoesn’tmeanI’mcomfortablestewingoverthemessImade.I’macreatureofaction.Whysitaroundandtwiddleyourthumbswhenyoucandosomethingaboutit?
Toobadthere’snothingtobedonerightnow.
Patroclusdoesn’twanttoseemyfaceagaintonight,andtalkingtoHelenisn’tgoingtochangeasingledamnthing…
Ihesitate.Itmightnotchangeanything,butit’sstilltruethatIdon’tfeelparticularlygoodabouthowweleftthingsyesterday.Sheseemedreallyunconcernedwiththewholething,butshe’saKasios;she’llhavelearnedtoliefrombirth.Fuck.Ishouldhaverememberedthat.Patrocluswouldhaverememberedthat,wouldhavepushedforthetruthinsteadoftakingheratherwordthatsexwasjustsexandIwasn’ttooroughwithher.
Iglanceupatthesky.Itholdsnoanswers,butI’mnotgoingtobeabletosleepnow.Maybeshe’sstillawake.Wecantalkorfightorwhatever.Maybeshe’llactuallybehonestwithmeforonce,andatleastthatpartofthisclusterfuckwillberesolved.
Actionplaninplace,Iturnandwalkbackintothedorm.It’sjustassilent,justasdarkthistime,butImovefaster,surer.Ihadthefloorplanmemorizedthefirstnight;itpaystoknowwheretheexitsare,justincase.WorkingdamnneartenyearsforAthenataughtmethatyouneverknowwhenyoumightneedone.
Backinourhallway,there’sstillalightshiningfrombeneathPatroclus’sdoor…butnotHelen’s.Ialmostturnformine,butIhaven’tcomethisfartostopbeforeIatleasttrytotalktoher.I’mabouttoknockwhenIhearathumpontheotherside.
There’sabsolutelynoreasonforthesmallhairsonthebackofmynecktostandonend.ThisisoneofAthena’sbuildings,andourpeoplehavesecuredit.We’rethebest.ThechampionsaresaferthanZeushimself.Helenprobablyjustranhershinintothecoffeetableorsomething.
Alltherationalizationintheworlddoesn’tchangemyinstinctsscreamingthatsomethingiswrong.I’vebeenasoldiersinceIturnedeighteen.Attwenty-two,Athenaherselftookmeunderherwingandtaughtmetotrusttheveryinstinctsshe’sspentyearshoning.Ican’twalkawayuntilI’msureI’mwrong.
Itrythedoor,andthehandleturnseasilyagainstmypalm.Whatthefuck?Somethingisdefinitelywrong.Thetimeforhesitationisgone.IshovethroughthedoorandintoHelen’ssuite.Theroomisbathedinshadows,litonlybyasinglestandinglampnexttothecouch.ThatlightisenoughtocatchsightofsomeoneduckingintothedoorleadingtoHelen’sbedroom.
Someonedamnnearsixfeettallwithbroadshoulders.
SomeonewhoisnotHelenKasios.
I’mmovingbeforeIfullyprocessthestranger’spresence,adecade’sworthoftrainingandmusclememorykickingin.IrushdownthehallonsilentfeetandshovethroughthedoorintimetoseethefigurestandingoverHelen’sbed.
Aflashofmetalinthemoonlight.Ican’ttellifit’sagunoraknife,butitdoesn’tfuckingmatter.I’mnotthinkinganymore.I’mreacting.
Ithrowmyselfattheattacker,wrappingonehandaroundtheirwristasItacklethemtothefloorawayfromthebed.Theycurseinalowvoiceandthenthefightison.Theyrollus,managingtocomeoutontop.I’vegotashittygripontheirwristsoIcan’tforcethemtobreaktheirgraspontheweapon
Theyjerktheirarmdown,breakingmygrip,andscrambleoffmetostand.Withtheblackclothingandblackmask,theyalmostlooklikeoneoftheopponentswefacedtoday.Allthey’remissingistheowlontheirshoulder.ButthisisnotoneofAthena’speople.I’dstakemylifeonit.
Ibarelygettomyfeetwhentheycharge.Thistime,I’mready.Goingunarmedagainstaknife-wieldingopponentisn’texactlythebest-casescenario,butit’snotoutsidemyskillset.Idodgeatthelastmoment,slidingmybodyjustfarenoughoutofthewaytoavoidthebladeandgrabbingtheirarm.
I’msobusyfocusingontheknifethatIdon’tseetheirfistuntiltheypunchmeinthefacewithit.It’sagoodpunch,sogoodIseestarsforahalfasecond,whichisalltheyneedtokickmylegsoutfrombeneathme.Ilandonthefloorwiththemstraddlingme,theknifestillintheirhand.
Ireactonpureinstinct,gettingmyhandsuparoundtheirwristandstoppingtheblademereinchesfrommychest.Fuck,they’restrong.Theyleandownhardontheknife,puttingalltheirweightbehindit,anditdescendsanotherinch.
Whataridiculousfuckingwaytodie.SavingHelenKasiosfromagodsdamnedassassin.WhenPatroclusfinallyjoinsmeintheunderworld,he’llneverletmeliveitdown.
Adullthumpandtheassassingoeslimpontopofme.I’msosurprised,IshovethemupbeforeIrealizewhathappened.Helenstandsoverus,alampinherhandsandafiercelookonherface.Iblink.Shejust…hittheattackeroverthehead.Shesavedme.Isn’tthatakickinthepants?
Shegoestobringthelampdownagain,butIthrowahandout.“Wait!”
“Fuckoff!Theyhaveaknife!”
“Weneedtoquestionthem.”Igrabtheknifeandtossitaway.“WeneedtotiethemupandgogetBellerophon.”
ShehesitateslongenoughthatIbelatedlyrealizeI’mnottalkingtooneofmysubordinates.Nomatterhowwellsheaccountedforherselfinthefirsttrial,Helenisnottrainedincombat,andthisisprobablythefirstdangeroussituationshe’severfoundherselfin.Fuck.
“Helen.”Itrytokeepmyvoicelowandeven,thewayPatrocluswould,asIshovetheassassintothefloorandyanktheirarmsbehindthemsoIcankeepthempinnedevenaftertheywakeup.“Takeabreath.”
“I’mfine.”Herunsteadytonemakesaliaroutofher.She’strying,though.Iadmirethatdespitemyself.
“Thatwasquickthinkingwiththelamp.”Iadjustmyholdontheassassin’swrists.“Prettysureyousavedmylife.Thanks.”
“Justreturningthefavor,”shesaysfaintly.Shegivesherselfashake.“Bellerophon.Right.I’llcallthem.”
Iwatchherasshestaggerstothephonebythebedandpicksitup.Ifshepassesoutorsomething,I’mnotgoingtobeabletodoadamnthingaboutitwithoutreleasingtheattacker,andthat’snotanoption.ButHelenmanagestokeepittogetherasshespeaksintothephone,givingaquickrundownofwhatjusthappened.“Yes,pleasehurry.”Shehangsupanddropsdowntositonthebed.NeitherofusspeakinthethirtysecondsittakesBellerophonandtheirpeopletoallbutbustdownthedoor.
Theyrushintothebedroomandfliponthelights,alreadyissuingorders.“Securetheattackerandtransportthemofftheproperty,anddoitquietly.Athenawillwantanupdateimmediately.”Theyturntous.“AchillesandHelen,pleasewaitamomentandthenI’llspeakwithyouinthelivingroom.”
Idon’toffertohelp.Theyhavethingswellinhand…exceptforthefactthatthere’sagodsdamnedassassinontheproperty.“Howthefuckdidthishappen,Bellerophon?Thisplaceissupposedtobesecure.”
“Iplanonfiguringthatout,”theysnap.
Imoveoutofthewaywhiletheirpeopleslapziptiesontheattackerandhaulthemtotheirfeet.They’reawhitedudewithnondescriptfeatures,shortdarkhair,andnarrowblueeyes.Theyblinkblearily,takingintheroomandeveryoneinit.Itense,readyforthemtosaysomeshit,buttheyonlyglaresilentlyatusasBellerophon’speoplehaulthemoutoftheroom.
Bellerophonmakesaface.“IhavetocallAthena.Givemetwominutes.”
“Yeah.Noproblem.”Iwatchthemleaveandexhaleslowly.Thingshappenfastincombatsituations,butI’dcometoHelen’sdoorpreparedforatoughconversationandendedupinafightformylife.Iglanceather.She’sgotthatthousand-milestaregoingon.Shit.Idropdownontothebednexttoher.“Yougood?”
“No.”
Herhonestysurprisesme.Iwouldhavethoughtshe’dtrytoplayitcooleventhoughIcanfeelthebedvibratingwiththeforceofhershaking.Itwisttofaceher.She’sgoneevenpalerthannormal.I’mprettyfuckingsureIcanhearherteethchattering.“Helen—”
“I’llbeokayinaminute.”Evenhervoicesoundswrong,threadyandweak.“Just…justgivemeafuckingminute.”
“Youjusthadascareofalifetime.Noone’sexpectingyoutowaltzthroughanattemptonyourlifewithout,uh,havinganemotionalreaction.It’sokaytofallapart.”
“It’sreallynot.”Shestiffens.“AndI’mnotfallingapart.It’sadrenalineletdown.I’mfine.”
Fuck,I’mterribleatthis.Ialways,alwayssaythewrongthingnomatterhowhardItry.Patrocluswouldknowwordsthatwouldputherateaseandreassureher.I’mbetterataction.Withthatinmind,Ireachover,pickherup,andsetheronmylap.Shemakesanangryhissingsound,butshedoesn’timmediatelypunchmeintheface.
“You’resafe.”There.That’sniceandneutral.Whenshedoesn’ttrytomove,Iwrapmyarmsaroundher.Evenpreciousprincessesfindhugscomforting,right?
Slowly,breathbybreath,sherelaxesagainstme.That,morethananything,tellsmehowfuckedsheisintheheadrightnow.Sheshouldbefightingandclawingandrunninghermouth,butinstead,she’sshakinglikeakitten.Mychestgivesanuncomfortablelurch,andIhugheralittletighter.“You’resafe,”Irepeat.
“Funny,butwakinguptosomeonetryingtokillyoudoesn’texactlytranslatetosafe.”Sherestsherheadagainstmyshoulder.“Istilldon’tlikeyou.Ithink.”
“Idon’treallylikeyou,either.Much.”
Sheexhalesslowly.“Idon’tknowwhyyou’reinmyroomrightnow,butthankyouforbeinghere.I…”Alittleshakerocksherbody.“Just…thankyou.”
ThedooropensandBellerophonwalksbackinside.Theydon’tcommentonmyholdingHelen,whichisjustaswell.Idon’tknowwhatI’dsayinresponse.Instead,theyassumeanat-easeposture.“We’restillnotsurehowtheygotin,butweshouldhaveanswersbymorning.”
AnotherlittleshakefromHelen.“Forgivemeifthat’snotcomforting.”
Iftheydon’tknowhowthispersongotin,there’snothingtostopothersfromdoingthesame.Thethoughtleavesmecold.ImightnotlikeHelen—much—butIdon’twantherdead.“You’llstayinmyroom.”
Shetenses.“That’snotnecessary.”
“Yeah,Ikindofthinkitis.”InodatBellerophon,who’swatchinguswithacarefullyblanklookontheirface.“They’regoingtobeoccupieddealingwiththisandpatrolling.Plus,Ithinkyou’dratherhavemeasababysitterthansomestranger.”
“You’rebarelymorethanastranger.”Butshemakesnomovetogetup.AsmuchasIwanttopress,I’velearnedatleastalittlepatiencefrombeingaroundPatroclusforsomanyyears.Sometimes,thebestwaytowinanargumentistositdownandshutupandletthemseethatyou’rebeinglogical.I’mrarelythelogicalone,butit’sbeenknowntohappenonceinabluemoon.IknowI’mrightthistime.
IttakesHelenroughlythirtysecondstorealizethesamething.“Fine.I’mwillingtostayinyourroom.”
ThebreathIreleaseisn’tinrelief.It’sreallynot.Isureasfuckwouldn’tbelosingsleepworryingaboutherifshehadn’tagreedtothis.Igiveheronelastsqueezeandsetheronherfeet.“Getyourshit,princess.Timetoswitchrooms.”
14
Patroclus
I’mstillatwarwithmyselfwhensomeoneknocksonmydoor.IrecognizeAchilles’sbriskimpatienceandbitebackasigh.Ihatefightingatmuchashedoes,butIcan’tjustturnoffmyfeelingsbecausethey’reinconvenient.ObviouslyIdon’twanttobethistwistedupwhenweneedtobefocused,butnothingaboutthissituationwithHelenislogical.Notmyattractiontoher.NotAchilles’sattractiontoher.Noteitherofourjealousy.
Idon’tunderstandit.IdoubtI’llgettheopportunitytoeventrynow.
Iopenthedoorandstopshort.Achilles,quitefrankly,lookslikeshit.It’smorethantheexhaustiononhisface.Helookslikehejustcametomyroomafterbeinginabrawl.Hisshirtistorn,hishairisaskew,andI’mnearlycertainsomeonepunchedhimintheface.
Deargods,don’ttellmehesleptwithHelenagain.
Iswallowhard,tastingbileandjealousy.“Whathappenedtoyou?”
Heblinks.“What?”
“Youlook…”IstopmyselfbeforeIaccusehim.It’snotfairtojumptoconclusions,eveniflogicallyit’simpossibletodivorcehimshowingupatmydoorlookinglikethisfromthelasttimehedid,fromwhatheconfessedimmediatelyuponmylettinghimintomyroom.Ifinallytryforaneutralenoughquestion.“Whopunchedyou?”
“Whopunched…”Hetouchesthespotandwinces.“Iforgottheylandedastrike.Sloppyofme.”
Mystomachdrops.Thisisn’taconfession.Thisissomethingelse.Istraighten.Heonlyleftmyroomanhourortwoago.Whattroublecouldhehavepossiblygottenuptointhattime?ObviouslymorethanIcouldhaveanticipated.Hewasn’tbrawlingwiththeotherchampions;he’stoofocusedonArestogetbaitedintoafight,andevenifhedid,hewouldalreadyhavebeendraggedfromthedorms.Hewasn’twithHelen,orhewouldstillhavethatkicked-puppyguiltylookonhisface.“Achilles,whatthefuckisgoingon?”
“SomeonetriedtokillHelen.”
“What?”
“Iwasgoingtoherroomtoapologizeandcaughtthemabouttoattackher.Bellerophonisgettinganswers.”
Shocklancesme.Thewordsdon’tmakeanysense.SomeonetriedtokillHelen?AndAchilleswasthereand…Iclosemyeyes,takeadeepbreath,andforcemyselftofocus.“Didyourecognizethem?”
“No.”Heshakeshishead.“Whiteguy,thesortoflooksthatareinstantlyforgettable.Buttheyweren’toneofAthena’s,andtheyweren’tonanylistwehaveofproblems.”
AthenakeepsanongoinglistofpeoplewhoareconsidereddangerousinOlympus.NotthenormalkindofdangerthattheThirteenorthepowerfulfamiliescanbring.Herlistisfilledwithpeoplewhoareeitherloosecannonsorwillingtocrossallsortsoflineswiththerightamountofmoneyinvolved.IfI’dhadtotakebetsabouttheattacker’sidentity,itwouldbeonthatlist.
Thatit’snot…“That’sgoingtobeaproblem.”Unknownscanthroweverythingintoatailspin,especiallyduringaneventasimportantasthistournament.
“Yeah.Iknow.”Heshiftsfromfoottofoot.“That’sactuallynotwhyI’mhere,though.She’sfreakedoutandwon’tadmitit,soshe’sstayinginmyroomtonight.”
It’salreadyhappening.He’salreadymovingonwithher.
Ishuttheirrationalthoughtdown.Myfearsdon’tmakesense.HismovingHelenintohisroomdoes.Ifweweretryingtosecuresomeoneafteranattack,thisisexactlytheproperprotocoltofollow.Thefactthathehadsexwithheralittlemorethantwenty-fourhoursagoisimmaterial.Exceptitdoesn’tfeelimmaterial.“You’llbothstayhere,”Ifindmyselfsaying.“Itwillbeeasiertoprotectherifit’sbothofus.”
Achillesstudiesmyexpression.Foronce,he’snotjumpingintoaction.Ihatethatwe’removingsotentativelyaroundeachother,butIdon’tknowhowtofixit.Ican’tshutoffmyemotionsanymorethanAchillescanshutoffhisambitions.Maybeifweweren’tallpiledontopofoneanotherfromthistournamentandstuckinthisbuilding,itwouldbeeasiertonavigatethethornysituation.Idon’tknow.AllIknowisthatthethoughtofeitherAchillesorHelenindangermakesmebreakoutinacoldsweat.
Hefinallyexhalesinarush.“Yousure?”
No,butI’mnotabouttoletthatstopme.“Yes.”
Foramoment,Ithinkhemightpressmeonmyanswer.Idon’tknowwhatI’llsayifhedoes.Thissituationissodamnedmessy.Iprobablyshouldhaveanticipatedit,butI’mquicklylearningthatsomevariablesarebeyondcomprehension.“Thenyoucometous.We’vealreadyhauledallhershitinthere,andshe’sunpackingnow.”Hemakesaface.“She’salotlikeyouwhenitcomestolivingoutofasuitcase,apparently.”
“Okay.”Itwillgivemesometimetoprocess,togetmyheadonstraight.“I’llbeovershortly.”Iwaitforhimtoleaveandthenstarttheprocessofrepacking.Itgivesmyhandssomethingtodo,andmymindracesahead.Ican’tdealwiththinkingaboutAchillesandHelenandwhathewasdoinginherroomtostopthatattacker.Apologizing,hesaid.Achillesdoesn’tlie,sothatmustbewhatitwas.Ihatethedoubtthatwormsthroughme.
Bettertofocusonthelargerproblemathand.
WhowantsHelendead?
ZeusandAphroditearehersiblings.HermesandDionysusareherfriends.Hadesisn’tthetypetosendanassassin,nomatterwhatthegreaterpopulationbelieves.Athenawouldn’tdoit,notduringapublictournamentwherethechampionsareunderherprotection.IdoubtshewantsanotherKasiosatthetable,butshehasnoreasontobelieveHelenwillbevictorious,notwithAchillesinthemix.
Theothers?Hardertosay.Artemisisn’tabovemurder,thoughshe’scarefultokeepherhandscleanpublicly.ThesamecanbesaidofApollo,thoughIwouldn’tputmoneyonhimbeingapossibility.Hephaestusisaharderread.He’ssmartandstrategic,andhemighthavelookedaheadanddecidednottotakehischanceswithHelenbecomingAres.Idon’tthinkournewHerahasthatkindofpower,buthermother,Demeter,might.Poseidonrarelyconcernshimselfwithpowerplaysandpolitics,sohewon’tbebotheredonewayoranother.
Andthat’sjusttheThirteen.
TherearedozensofpowerfulfamilieswhoweighthepushandpullofOlympuspoliticsandmakemovesbehindthescenes.ParisandHectorbelongtooneofthem.SodoAtalantaandAjax.SodoI
Andthentherearethenon-Olympians.Itdoesn’tseemlogicalthattheywouldbebehindthis,though.Ifyou’regoingtowastetheresourcesonanassassin,whynottakeoutoneofthemoredangerouscompetitors?AchillesorHectororevenmewouldbeasmartertarget.NomatterhowdeterminedHelenis,whenitcomestothecombattrials,she’llbeeliminated.Shesimplydoesn’thavethetrainingorthestrengthtobeatoutallthemajorplayers.
BythetimeIhavemythingsbackinthesuitcasetochangerooms,Istillhavenoanswers.Ican’teveneffectivelynarrowdownpotentialcandidates.It’snotmyjobto.Notthistime.BellerophonandAthenawilltakecareofit,startingwithquestioningtheattacker.Ihavetheutmostfaithinthem.
I’dratherbechasingthismysterythanwalkingthroughAchilles’sdoor,butthere’snootheroption.Nomatterhowmessymychestisrightnow,thefactremainsthatheneedsme,andIwon’thesitatetobethereforhim.We’vedonebodyguarddutymorethanafewtimesovertheyears,andit’sbestscheduledinpairssosomeoneisalwaysawakewiththeclient.Astonightproves,assassinsdon’tusuallysticktobusinesshours.Wecan’tdiscountthepossibilityoftherebeingmoreinplay,sovigilancehastostarttonight.
Itakeabreathandopenthedoor.
ThefirstthingIseeisHelen,wrappedupinablanketonthecouch.EverytimeI’veinteractedwithher,evenwhenshewasobviouslyoutofsortsonthetreadmill,evenwhenwewerebothchildren,she’sseemedlargerthanlife.Thatpresenceisnowhereinevidencenow.It’ssoeasytoforgethowsmallsheis.Athletic,yes,butshe’sbarelyfivesix,ifthat.Rightnow,withherhuddledonthecouch,sheseemsevensmaller.Iftheattackerwasmysize,orAchilles’s,shewouldn’thavestoodachance.
Thethoughtleavesmecold.
Shelooksupandblinksthoseambereyesatme.She’spalerthannormal,herperfectfeaturesdrawnandexhausted.Evenherhairisabitofamess,thedarkstrandstangledwithsleep.Shestillsmileswhensheseesme,alittlemovementthatseemsalmostfragile.“Hey.”
Myheartstartsracing,whichisthemostridiculousresponse.IshouldbeworriedabouthersafetyorherproximitytoAchillesorsomething.Instead,I’mstandinghere,tryingtopretendmypalmsaren’tsweatingbecauseshe’ssmilinglikeshe’shappytoseeme.
Iclearmythroat.“Hey.”
Shepullstheblanketalittlemorefirmlyaroundher.“Heropedyouintothis,too?”
“Iofferedtohelp.”Isetmysuitcasedown.NowthatI’mhere,I’mrealizingIdidn’tneedtorepackthings.Icouldhavejustpoppedovertotheotherroomtochangeandgetreadyeachday.Thatwouldbethelogicalthingtodo,insteadofspendingtimeandenergyrepackingandunpackingtomoveacrossthehall.AnotherclearindicationthatI’mnotthinkingclearly.Damnit.
Achillescomesoutofthebedroom.“Twowaysinandout.Thewindowinthebathroomopens,butit’snotbigenoughforanadulttogetthrough.Thebedroom’sgoingtobeaproblem,though.Thewindowispracticallyadoor,andthelockisbullshit.It’sanaccesspointwecan’tsecureproperly.”
Whichmeansoneofuswillhavetobeintherewithher.
Ihatehowmystomachdrops.Imusthaveamasochisticstreak,becausevolunteeringtoputmyselfincloseproximitywiththesetwoalreadystings.Idon’tknowwhatpromptedAchillestooffertohaveherstaywithhiminsteadofbringinginapairofBellerophon’speopleasbodyguards.Sometimes,Ihavenoideahowthatman’smindworks.No,that’salie.Iknowexactlywhathewasthinking.Heprobablydecidedwe’ddoabetterjobofthingsthananyoneelse.Thiswasalreadycomplicated,andwejustmadeitevenmoreso.
It’stoolatetochangeourminds,though.“I’lltakefirstwatch.”
Forasecond,Ithinkhemightargue,buthefinallynods.“Worksforme.Thecouchiscomfortableenough.”
“It’sreallynot,”Helenmutters.
Heshrugs.“I’vesleptinworseplaces.”Achillesstudiesherforalongmoment.Doesherealizehowtransparenthisexpressionis?Hekeepssayinghedoesn’tlikeher,buthelooksatherlikeshe’sthisstrangecreaturehedoesn’tunderstandandyetwantstokeepsafe.He’salwayshadadesiretoprotectthosewhocan’tprotectthemselves,butthisisdifferent.Finally,hesays,“Youwanttotalkaboutit?”
“What’stheretotalkabout?”
Anothershrug.Hiscasualbodylanguagedoesn’tmatchtheintentlookinhiseyes.“Mostpeoplegetshakenupafterbeingattacked.Havesomeshitontheirmind.”
“I’mnotmostpeople.”
Ishouldsaysomething,butitfeelslikethey’rehavingamomentI’mbarelypartof.Myfeetstayplanted,andmymouthfeelssealedshut.
“Yeah,you’reright.You’renotmostpeople.”Achillesnods,andhisexpressiongoesdevastatinglygentle.“Gotobed,princess.Youcangetbacktofightingeveryonewholooksatyousidewaystomorrow.”
Hersmilefirmsupalittle,losingthefragileelement.“Idon’tfighteveryonewholooksatmesideways,Achilles.Ijustfightyou.”
“GuessI’mspecial,then.”
“Guessyouare.”
Iturnaway,unabletobearwitnesstowhatfeelslikesuchanintimatemoment.ToberemindedofthefutureI’mdestinedfor,tobeperpetuallyontheoutsidelookingin.Easiertobusymyselfhaulingmysuitcaseintothebedroomandmakingquickworkofunpackingitagain.StayinginmotionisusuallyAchilles’sgo-to,butI’veneverappreciateditasmuchasIdonow.Therhythmofunpackingcalmsme,evenifitdoesn’tsoothetheacheinmychest.
I’mnearlydonewhenHelenwalksintotheroom.She’sobviouslyjustcomefromtheshower,herskindewyandflushed,herhairwetandslickedbackfromherface.She’swrappedupintheblanketagain,butIgetahintofasilkypajamastrapoveronesmoothshoulder.Ifocusonherface,butthere’snoreprieveformethere.She’stoofuckingbeautifulandsomehowonlyseemstogetmoresoeverytimeweinteract.It’snotfair.
HowamIsupposedtokeepmyheartintactandmyheadonstraightwhenshelooksatmelikethis?
Shesitscarefullyonthebedandoffersmeatentativesmile.“YoureallyaretypeA,aren’tyou?Everythinginitsplace.”
“Yeah.”Noreasontodenyit.It’sthetruth.BeingorganizedmakesmefeelamodicumofcontroloveraworldwhereIwillneverbeabigfish.Powerisn’tsomethingI’vecravedformyself,notlikeAchilleshas,butbeingclosetohimmeanshisbigmovesmakebigwavessometimes.I’vemostlylearnedtosurfthem,butoccasionallythestressgetstome.Organizingsoothesmethesamewayplanningandstrategizingdoes.
Helenlooksalittlebetterthanshedidinthelivingroom.She’sregainedhercolor,andshe’snothuddlinginonherselfanymore.Still,Ican’thelpasking,“Areyouokay?”
“I’mgettingthere.”Shetucksherfeetupundertheblanket.Sheseemsyoungerlikethis,morevulnerable.MorelikethegirlIusedtoknow.Idon’tknowhowtodealwithit.Iwanttowrapherupandprotecther,butIalreadyknowherwellenoughtorealizethatshewon’tacceptit.It’shonestlyalittleshockingthatAchillesmanagedtogethertoagreetostayinginhissuite.Heprobablysteamrolledherwhenshewasfeelingoff-center.He’sgoodatthat.
“You’resafehere.Wewon’tletanyonetouchyou.”
“I’mgettingthatimpression.”Helensighsandlooksatmedirectly.“You’reupsetwithme.”
“WhywouldIbeupsetwithyou?”Thewordscomeouttooquickly,tooharshly.
Hersmilegoesalittlesad,alittlebittersweet.“BecauseIhadangrysexwithAchilles.”
“Wehaveanopenrelationship.”Again,therightwords.Again,thewrongtone.
“That’swhatItoldmyself,butitdoesn’tmeanIwasintheright.”Shehuddlesfurtherundertheblanket,butshedoesn’tdropmygaze.Irespectthat,eventhoughI’dbeabletothinkalotclearerifshewasn’tlookingdirectlyatme.“Itwasn’tlikeIsetouttodoit,butintentionsdon’treallymatter.Actionsdo.I’msorry.”
Theybothkeepsayingsorryasifthatchangeswhathappened,andIhaveafeelingthatthey’dbothdoitagainifthecircumstanceslinedup.Andwhynot?Theyhaven’tdoneanythingwrongorviolatedanyagreement.I’mthefoolwholetmyfeelingsgettangledupwithawomanIbarelyknow.Ihavenever,notonce,reactedtoAchillesbeingwithsomeoneelsethewayI’mreactingtohimbeingwithHelen.It’sameproblem,notathemproblem.
Thelogicmakessenseinmyhead.
Whatcomesoutofmymouthissomethingelseentirely.“That’snotgoingtostopyoufromdoingitagain.”
Sheblinks.“IhavenointentionoffuckingAchillesagain.”
“Youhadnointentionoffuckinghimthefirsttime.”
“You’vegotmethere.”Shefiddleswiththeedgeoftheblanket.ItstrikesmethatthisisthefirsttimeI’veseenHelenfidget.“He’sirritating,isn’the?”
Itrynottobristle,butIcan’thelpit.Fuck,I’mamessrightnow.“He’salotofthings.”
“Yeah.”Herexpressiongoescontemplative.“Idon’twanttohurtyou,Patroclus.Ineverdid.I’lltryreally,reallyhardnottofallonAchilles’scockagain.”
Ishakemyheadandstalktothewindow.Achillesisright;it’simpossibletosecureproperly.It’slarge,andwhileitdoesn’tfacethefence,itwouldbealltooeasyforsomeonetoperchontheroofacrossfromusandshootherthroughtheglass.Ishutthecurtains.“You’llbesafetonight.Hopefullywe’llhavesomeanswerstomorrow.”
“Whyareyoudoingthis?”
Iturntofaceher.“What?”
“This.”Shemotionsvaguelyattheroom.“I’mabig,glaringproblembetweenyouandAchilles,whichisreasonenoughtowanttoputdistancebetweenmeandbothofyou.Butwe’realsocompetingforAres.It’sinyourbestinteresttolettheattackerscaremeoff.Sowhyhelpme?Itcan’tbebecausewewerefriendsalifetimeago.Whytrytomakemefeelsafewhenitrunscountertoyourgoals?”
That’sagooddamnquestion.IfIweremoreruthless,maybeI’ddoexactlythat.Idon’twantHelenhurt,butfearneverkilledanyone.That’stheproblem,though.Idon’twantherafraid,either.Achilleshasalwaysaccusedmeofhavingtoosoftaheart,andit’sneverbeenmoreapparentthanrightnow.Eventhoughitfuckinghurtstohavebothoftheminthesamespace,toseetheirobviousconnection,Ican’thurthertosavemyownfeelings.“I’mnotwillingtostandbywhilepeopleareterrorizedjusttoreachmygoals.”
“That’snaive,don’tyouthink?”
Istare.She’snotbeingsnarky.She’saskingaseriousquestion.“There’salwaysanotherway.”
“Evenifthere’sanotherway,sometimesit’seasiertobethebadguyandsaveyourselfthetroubleinthefuture.”Shedoesn’tlookaway.“You’reverysmart.Youmusthaveplayedoutallthescenarios.IfImakeittothefinaltrial,whoevereliminatesmewillearnmyenmityforever.Ifit’syouorAchilles,thatwillendangeryourabilitytoacteffectivelyasAres.Surelyyou’veconsideredthis.”
Ihave.Idon’tknowwhyit’ssurprisingthatshehasaswell.She’smorethanprovenherselftobeasintelligentassheisambitious.It’sstillstrangetohavemyownthoughtsmirroredbackatme.Iclearmythroat.“There’salwaysanotherway,”Irepeat.
“But—”
“Gotosleep,Helen.I’msureBellerophonwillhaveinformationtomorrow.”
Forasecond,shelookslikeshemightarguewithme,butshefinallydropstheblanketandcrawlsuptoclimbunderthecovers.Herblackpajamasetis…Holyfuck,Ishouldn’tbestaring,butIcan’tstop.Thesleepshortsaresplitupthesidestorevealtantalizingglimpsesofherhips.Andthattanktopbarelycoverstheessentials,ridinguptorevealhertonedstomachandpressingtightlyenoughtoherbreaststhatthey’reindangerofescaping.She’snottryingtobeseductive,andyetseductionisthereineverymoveshemakes.
Ijerkmygazeaway.WhatthefuckamIdoing?Oglingheraftershe’sjusthadatraumaticexperience.OglingheraftershesleptwithAchilles.Oglingherwhenshe’snotforme,hasneverbeenforme.
“Patroclus?”
Thetentativenessinhertonebringsmebacktomyself.Igivemyselfashakeandcautiouslylookather.Thankfully,Helenisfullycoverednow,theblanketspulleduptoherpointedchin.IbreathewhatIhopeisasoundlesssighofrelief.“Yeah?”
“Thebedishugeandyou’remakingmenervousstandingthere.Canyousitorliedownorsomething?”
Ialmostchoosethechairbythewindow.IeventakeastepinthatdirectionbeforemybraindecidestoprovideallthereasonsHelenmighthavesuggestedItakethebed,too.Idiscardtheridiculousones—sheintendstoambushme,orsheintendstoseduceme.Themostlikelymotivationisbecauseshe’sstillscaredoutofhermindandmyproximitywouldbeacomfort.
Itrynottolookintotherequest.She’salreadyprovenherselftobeintelligentandstrategic.It’slogicalthatshewouldbelieveoneofAthena’speoplewouldn’twantherdead,evenafellowchampion.That’sall.
Still…“Areyousure?”
Shenodsandreachesapalearmouttopatthebednexttoher.“Please.”
Igingerlysitontheindicatedspotandinchbacktoleanagainsttheheadboard.ThebedisplentybigenoughforbothofusandprobablyAchillestoo…Ipause.No.Followingthatthoughttoitsinevitableconclusionisamistake.Evenso,itsurprisesmewhenHelenscootsoveruntilshe’snearlypressedagainstme.I’moverthecoversandshe’sunderthem,butIcanfeeltheheatcomingoffherbody.Ormaybethat’stheoveractiveimaginationIseemtobedevelopingonthespot.
Iclearmythroat,desperatetofocusonanythingbutthefactthatHelenKasiosandIareinabedtogether.Iamonbodyguardduty.TheonlythingIshouldbethinkingaboutiskeepinghersafe,nothowgoodshelooksinhersexylittlepajamas.
Indesperation,IsaytheonlythingIcanthinkof.“Whowouldwantyoudead?”
“Icanthinkofafewpeople.”Didsheinchcloser?Ican’tbecertain.Ican’tseeherfaceproperlyinthedeepshadowscastfromthelampbehindthebed.“Noone’sreallyhappyI’mparticipatinginthistournament.We’realsooperatingundersomeratherlargeassumptionsthattheywantedmedeadinsteadofjustscaredenoughtodropout.”
Istarttoprotest,butshe’sright.“Areyouconsideringdroppingout?”
“Fuckno.ThisistheonlychanceIhavetobesomethingotherthanaprizetobepassedaroundasbestsuitsmybrotherandfuturespouse.IfI’mAres,theyhavetotakemeseriously.”
IknowwhatAchillesthinksofHelenandhercharmedlife,butitstrikesmethatitwouldbeawfulnottohavecontrolofyourownfate.Regardlessofourorigins,bothAchillesandIhavemadeourchoicesagainandagainwithoutanyoneforcingourhands.Noonehastriedtomarryusofftosecuresomekindofallianceorrefusedtoacknowledgeanythingaboutusbeyondourlooks.“Isupposeadiamondcageisstillacage.”
“Yes.”Thewordislittlemorethanasigh.“Patroclus?”
“Mmm?”
Thetiniesthesitation.Whenshespeaksagain,shesoundssoftandtiredandnotatallthefierywomanI’vedealtwithuptothispoint.“Ireallydidn’tmeanforthingstogetoutofcontrolwithAchilles.I…likeyou.I’vealwayslikedyou.Ineverwouldhavehurtyouonpurpose.Ijust…”Shegivesabitterlaugh.“IgetrecklesswhenI’mhurting,andIwasfeelingvulnerableafter…Well,ifyouhadn’tstoppedthetreadmill,Iprobablywouldhaverunmyselfintotheground.Itdoesn’texcusewhatIdid,butItrulyamsorry.”
I’mnotsurewhatI’msupposedtosaytothat,butIgetthefeelingthatHelendoesn’topenuptoanyone,soIcan’tleavethisconfessionhanging.“Iknowyoudidn’tmeantohurtme.”RidiculousthatallIwanttodoiscomforther,holdheruntilthatfragileshakeinhervoicedisappears.Ishouldbeclingingtomyanger,butitallfeelsliketoomucheffortrightnow.Ileanagainsttheheadboardandclosemyeyes.“It’sokay,Helen.We’regood.”
“Oh.Good.”Hervoicegoesfaint,asifshe’sfallingasleep.“Thefunnything…Iwanttosleepwithyou.Idon’tevenlikeAchilles.Mostly.”Sheyawns.“ButIwouldhappilyclimbyoulikeatree.”
Desireshootsthroughme,asintenseasitisinappropriate.KnowingtheattractionIfeelisreciprocated…Doesitevenmatter?Achillesshouldbemyfirstpriority.EvenifIwasn’thisfirstprioritywhenhefuckedHelen.
WhenwasthelasttimeItooksomething—someone—solelybecauseIwantedtowithoutworryingabouthowhe’dfeelaboutit?Heistheselfishone,thebrashone,theonewithahearthe’salltoohappytogivetoanyonewhocatcheshisfancy.Yes,hekeepspartofhimselfformeandmealone,butevenwhenI’veindulgedwithotherpeople,it’sbeenaboutamoment’spleasureratherthanchasingaconnection.
IfeelaconnectionwithHelen.Idon’tknowifit’slustorthepotentialforsomethingmore.Upuntilthismoment,Ihadresignedmyselftoitremainingunexplored.ButAchillespulledthattriggerfirst,didn’the?It’snotasifhecanblamemeformakingtheexactsameselfishchoicehemade…
Idraginaroughbreathandguidemythoughtsawayfromthebrink.“Gotosleep,Helen.I’llwatchoveryoutonight.”Andtomorrow?
Tomorrow,we’llsee.
15
Helen
IwakeuppressedagainstPatroclus,hislargerbodyspooningmefromtheback.Hisvery,verylargecockismakingitselfknown.Goodmorning.InstigatorthatIam,Irollmyhipsalittle,rubbingalonghislength.HislowgroaninmyearissoveryPatroclusthatIsmilewithoutopeningmyeyes.I’mnotsurewhenheendedupunderthecoverswithme,butI’mnotcomplaining.
Thisis…nice.
“Areyouawake,Helen?”
Ireachuptotrailmyfingersoverhisforearmwhereitbandsacrossmyribsjustundermybreasts.“Yes.”
“Weshouldgetup.”Butheholdsmetighter,buryinghisfaceinthebackofmyneck.IthinkIfeelthebrushofhislipsagainstmyskin,butIcan’tbesure.He’sright.Weshouldgetupandstartthedayandfacetherealityofwhatalmosthappenedlastnight…
Idon’twantto.Notyet.
It’sbeensofuckinglongsinceI’vewokenupnexttosomeone,andevenlongersinceI’veenjoyedthemomentinsteadofgoingthroughthemotionsofgettingthemoutofmyapartmentasquicklyaspossible.Maybeit’smyhistorywithPatroclus,maybeitthemanhe’sbecome,buthemakesmefeelsafe.Heletmespewallthatbullshitathimlastnightanddidn’ttellmetostopindulginginself-pityorbeingdramatic.Hedidn’tcallmeweakforhavingmessyemotionsafterbeingattackedHejustlistenedandthentoldmetogotosleepinthatdeliciouslysterntoneheadoptswhenhe’sgotmybestinterestsinmind.
Mytreacherousdesireswhisperthatthisiswhatitcouldbelikeifthingsweredifferent,ifweweredifferentpeopleinadifferentsituation.IfIletdownmybarriersalittleandhewasn’talreadyinlovewithabiggoldendick.Achinglyhonestconversationthat’ssomehowgentledespitetherawness.Forthefirsttimeinmylife,Ihaven’tbeenwatchingmywordsandhidingbehinddoublespeakandcarefullycuratedwords.BothAchillesandPatroclusbringoutdifferentpartsofme,andthey’rehonestparts.Idon’tknowhowtodealwiththat,butthisisn’tthetimeorplaceforthatsortofsoul-searching,notwiththestakessosky-high.
Truthfully,Idon’twanttodealwithanythingrightnow…exceptthemantryingnottothrusthishardcockagainstmyass.
Patroclusreallyistoopolite.
Thatstopsmeforamoment.“Patroclus?”
“Yeah?”
Idon’twanttospeakthewordsthatmightstopthis,butI’vealreadydonethismanwrongwhenhedidn’tdeserveit.Ican’tdoitagain.Iwon’t.Iclosemyeyes.“I,uh,getrecklesswhenI’mhurtingorscared.”
Hegoesstillbehindme.“Areyoufeelingrecklessrightnow?”
“Yes.”Ican’thelpexpandingtheanswer,givinghimthetruthheseemstoaskforwithoutsayingaword.It’seasierwithmyeyesclosed.Thishardlyfeelsreal.Cansomethingthat’smostlyfantasyactuallyhurtme?Don’tanswerthat.“ButImeantwhatIsaidlastnight.Iwantyou.That’snotmebeingimpulsiveorreckless.That’sthetruth.”
“Helen…”Hecursesagainstthebackofmyneck.“Ishouldcarethatyoumightbeusingmetoescape.Itshouldbotherme.”
Mychestgoestight,butIcan’tblamehimifhepullsaway.I’veneverreallytalkedaboutthisbeforeoutsidetherapy,andneverwithapersonI’maimingtoseduce.It’ssomucheasiertoletmypartnersseewhattheywanttoseesoIcangetwhatIwant—afewhoursofpleasurewhereIdon’thavetothinkaboutanythingbutthenexttouch,thenextkiss.Thisisn’tacarefullyorchestratedhookup,though.ThisisPatroclus.Withhim,inthismoment,Icanstopbeingselfishforonce.“Domyreasonsbotheryou?”
“Maybetheyshould.”Hisarmgoestightaroundme,andhecursesagain.“Idon’tgiveafuckwhatIshouldbedoingorfeeling.Iwantyoutoomuch.Letmetouchyou,Helen.”
Thereliefhiswordsbringmakesmealmostgiddy.Isinkbackintohim,lettinghisstrengthbuoyme.Patroclusmightbeabrainiac,buthisbodyisallsoldier.Iwanttoexploreitatlength.Iinhaledeeply,relishingthewaythemovedragstheundersideofmybreastsagainsthisforearm.“Touchme,Patroclus.Please.Ineedyouto.”
Iexpecthimtodoitallatonce.Ireallyshouldknowbetter,evenafterspendingsolittletimewithhim.Patroclusisamanwithaplan,andthat’snevermoreevidentthanitisrightnowasheshiftshishandtopresstomystomach.Histhumbbrushesthecurveofonebreast,aslowdragthathasmeshiftingrestlesslyagainsthim.
Hemovestotugthethinstrapofmypajamatopovermyshoulder,easingitdowntofreemybreast.It’sanalmostteasingmove,anditonlyfeelsmoresoashetracesthelineoffabric,brushingmyexposedbreasttotugdowntheotherstrap,too.IttakesalittlemoreworksinceI’mlyingonmyside,butonceagain,hedoesn’trush.It’safuckingtorment.“Patroclus.”
“Ilikethewayyousaymyname.”Hecupsonebreastandthentheother,trailinghisfingersovermynipples.Notenough.Nowherenearenough.
Iworrymybottomlip,butIcan’tkeepsilent.“More.Please.”
“Ilikethewayyousay‘please,’too.”Hisvoicesoundsrougherthannormal,buthedoesn’tmovefasterashetrailshishanddownthecenterofmystomachandteasesthestringsofmyshorts.Histouchisn’ttentative,buthe’ssureasfucknotrushing.NotlikeIwanthimto.Eachsmalltugagainstthestringscreatesanansweringtugdeepinsideme.Ipressmylipstogether,determinednottobeg.Notyet.
Finally,whatfeelslikeaneternitylater,hedipsbeneaththebandofmyshorts.Iexpecthimtomoveslowlyinthisthesamewayhehasineverythingelse,butit’sasifallhispatiencehasbeenusedup.Patrocluscupsmypussy,histouchrough.Webothexhaleharshlyatthecontact.
Ihavenodesiretobeownedoutsidethebedroom,andnoteveninthebedroommostofthetime.Thepowerbalanceinmylifeistooprecarious,tookeentotiptoweighagainstme.Butrightnow?WithPatroclusguidingus?Iloveit.Ibitemybottomlipandwhimperalittle.Ican’tpretenditwon’thaveconsequences,butwhenhaveIeverletconsequencesgetinthewayofdoingwhatIwant?
Itfeelstoogoodtostop.
NowthatPatroclushasmewherehewantsme,heslowsdownagain,gentlinghistouchasheexploresme.Hetracesmyopeningwithhismiddlefinger,stillcuppingmealmostpossessively.Hedoesn’tactacavemanandshoutmine,buthe’sholdingmelikeheownsme,likehe’sclaimingme.Itdoesn’tmatterthatweshouldn’t.It’shappening.
Achillessaidthat,too.Thatweshouldn’t
AvoiceinsidemewhispersthatI’mbeingevenmorerecklessthannormal,thatI’mplayingwiththesetwomen’srelationshipjustsoIwon’thavetofeelvulnerable,butit’stooquietinthefaceofmydesire.OrmaybeI’mreallythatselfish.Patroclussayshedoesn’tcare,andthatshouldbeenoughtosparemeanyunnecessaryguilt.
It’snotlikeI’vebeenhonestwithpartnersinthepastaboutthefactthey’rejustaconvenientescape.
It’snotlikethey’vecaredenoughtoask.
ImeantwhatIsaidlastnight,whatIsaidthismorning.I’velikedPatroclussincewewerekids,havewantedhimsinceImethimagainasanadult,whenheessentiallygavemeanitemizedlistofwhywecouldn’tgohometogetherthenightbeforethetrialsstarted.I’mnotsureIcareifhe’susingmeasaweapontohurtAchilles.Allthatmeansisthatwe’rebothusingeachotherforselfishpurposes.Ishouldjustenjoyitinsteadofthinkingsohard.ThewholepointofindulginginthisrecklessbehavioristhatI’llstopthinking.
“Helen.”Hegoesstill.
“Yeah?”
“You’rethinkingveryhardrightnow.Doyouwanttostop?”
I’malreadyshakingmyheadbeforehefinishesspeaking.“No.Absolutelynot.Givememore.”
Foramoment,Ithinkhemightstopanyway.Thisisn’ttheimpulsivewavethatovertookmewithAchilles.Thisisintentionalandmaybethatmeansit’samistake.Idon’tcare.Istilldon’twanttostop.
ApparentlyPatroclusagrees,becauseheshiftsbehindmeandwedgeshisotherarmbetweenmeandthebed.Thenewpositionbringsmeevenclosertohim,givesmethesensationofbeingentirelywrappedupinthisman.Hepalmsonebreast;it’slessastrokethanhimholdingmetohim,butI’mnotcomplaining.Notwhenhe’sworkingtwobluntfingersintomypussyintheprocess.Methodical.Patroclusissodamnmethodical.It’ssexierthanIcouldhaveanticipated.It’smorethanthat,though.HeholdsmelikeI’msomethingprecious,somethinghe’salltoocapableofshatteringintoamillionpieces.
ThedifferencebetweenhimandAchillesisstark,butthey’resimilarinoneaspect:nopartnerI’vehadinthepasthastouchedmelikeeitherofthem.I’veneverbeencherished.I’vealsoneverbeentossedaroundlikeanequal,mystrengthtakenasagiveninsteadofafantasy.NeitherofthemtreatsmelikeI’maprincesstobecoaxedintogivingupmysupposedvirtueoraweakthingthataharshwordwillleavecrumpledandbrokenonthefloor.TheentiretimeAchillesandIwerefighting,Iwasanenemytobeconqueredthroughmutualorgasms.Ineverexpectedittobesosexy.
Patroclusisfuckingmeslowlywithhisfingerslikethisistheonlychancehe’llget,andhe’sdeterminedtomaximizeitforallit’sworth.Hepressestheheelofhishandtomyclit.NotenoughtogivemethefrictionIneedtogetoff.No,he’sstillteasingme.Hismouthbrushestheshellofmyear,hisvoicedeeperthanI’veeverheardit.“You’renotforme,Helen.Youwerenevermeantforme.”
Ican’tdecideifthewordsstingorjuststoketheneedbetweenushotter.Nothingsparksasfieryassomethingthat’sdestinedtobetemporary.Itmakesmegreedy,makesmewanttosoakupeverysecondofthisbecauseI’lllikelynevergetitagain.Idraginaroughbreath.“Thenlet’smakeitcount.”
Hegivesachokedlaugh.“Yeah,we’llmakeitcount.”Heshiftsawayandmovesmeeasilydespitetheawkwardposition,pressingmedownontomyback.It’ssoseamless,I’mstillblinkinginsurpriseasheslidesdownmybody,takingtheblanketswithhim.Patrocluspausestoworshipmybreastswithhismouth,buthe’sgotadestinationinmindandI’mnotabouttostartcomplainingashetugsoffmyshortsandsettlesbetweenmylegs.Hepressesakisstoonethigh.“Achilleswillgetrestlessandcomelookingforusbeforetoolong.”
Again,thatlashofalmoststing.ImostcertainlyshouldnotwanttogetcaughtwithPatroclus’smouthallovermypussy,buttherecklesswaveinsidemeonlygetsstronger.WhatwillAchillesdo?Ihonestlycan’tfocusenoughtoguessforcertain.Startafightorjoinin?Startafightandthenjoinin?Thepossibilitiessetmeaflame.Iwon’tpretendIhadn’tconsideredsharingabedwithbothofthem.Ihave.
Still…I’mnotsofargonethatIcanjumpintothiswithoutalittleclarificationfirst.IfI’mgoingtofeelguiltyaboutthislater,Ihavetoknowhowmuchguiltistrulyminetoshoulder.Ihaveenoughalready;Idon’tneedtocarryanyoneelse’s.“Areyouusingmetoproveapoint?”
He’sohsoserious.Eveninthis,withheatturninghisdarkgazescorchingandhisbreathghostingagainstthemostprivatepartofme,Patrocluscontemplatesmywordswiththeutmostseverity.Ilikethatabouthim.Alot.Hedoesn’tjustfireoffananswerandintendtobullshithiswayarounditbeingfalselater.Heactuallythinksaboutitandthengivesmehonesty.Hownovel.
Finallyhenods.“Alittle.Doesthatbotheryou?”
Yes.No.Idon’tknow.Ican’tthinkproperly.Idraginabreath,determinedtomatchhimhonestyforhonesty.“Maybeitwilllater,butIneedyoutoomuchrightnow.Kissme,Patroclus.Ifyouneedtoproveapoint,doitbymakingmecome.”
Hisslowsmilehasmywholebodylightingup.Gods,thismanishandsome.It’sdifferentfromtheperfectfeaturesAchillesisblessedwith.InoticedPatroclushadgrownintoagood-lookingmanthefirsttimeImethimasanadult,buteachtimesince,it’slikethatattractivenesshasbeencompoundedagainandagain.Myheartgivesastrangelittlelurch,butIignoreit,justlikeIignoretheinevitableconsequencesofdoingthis.
“Ineedyoutoomuchrightnow,too.”
Thentherearenomorewords.Heleansdownanddragshistongueupmycenter.Slow.Methodical.Determinedtolearneveryinchofme.Hepressesmythighsevenwiderapartanddipshistongueintome.Firstatease,thenafullthrustthathasmemoaningtooloudly.Itrytoarchup,butherespondsbyshifting,bandingoneforearmovermylowerstomachandusinghisshoulderstowedgemylegsopenevenwider.I’mpinnedandlovingeverymomentofit.
Still,I’mnotonetolietherepassivelyandtakewhateverhewantstogiveme.
Idigmyfingersintohisshorthairandtug,urginghimuptomyclit.Hedoesn’thesitate,followingmyunspokeninstructionstogiveitthesamethoroughtreatmenthe’sgiveneveryotherbitofmypussy.Hetestsoutmotions,hisgazeonmyface,untilhefindstheonethathasmearchingandmoaningandwrithingagainsthim.“Yes,likethat,”Imoan.
Pleasurebuildsinme,higherandhigher.Patroclusneverdeviates.Hedoesn’tspeeduporslowdownandshiftthepressuretheslightestbit.Hewindsmetighterandtighterand…
Thebedroomdooropens.
Achillesstepsintotheroomandpullsthedoorshutbehindhim.Webothfreeze.I’msofuckingclose,Icouldcry.Ishouldhaveknownthiswouldn’tlast,thatwe’dgetinterruptedbeforethingsescalatedenoughtotrulyoffermeareprieve.Ishouldhaveknownthiswasafoolish,impulsivethingthatwouldmostcertainlybackfireinanabortedorgasm.
Ishouldhaveknown…alotofthings
Itense,waitingforPatroclustoscrambleawayfromme,tosputteroutexcuses,tofightorleave.Hedoesn’tmove.Ifanything,hetightenshisgriponme,asilentcommandtostoptryingtoinchupthebedawayfromhim.Ifreeze.Patroclusgivesmeaquicklookasiftestingmyreaction.Whatevermyfaceisdoing,apparentlyitsatisfieshim.HeturnshisheadjustenoughtolookatAchilles.“You’reinterrupting.”
Achilles’sslowsmiledoesn’treachhisdarkeyes.“Yeah,Iknow.”Hestalkstothechairnexttothebedanddropsintoit,stretchinghisbigbodyoutandtakinguptoomuchspace.Hewavesanegligenthandinourdirection.“Don’tstoponmyaccount.”
Ohmygods.
IlookdownmybodyandmeetPatroclus’sgaze.Iexpectedhimtolookashamedorguilty.Mayberegretful.Isureasfuckdidn’texpecthisdesiretoburnevenhotter.Hedoesn’tseemhappy,butthere’snodoubtthatAchilles’scasualcommandsparkssomethinginhim
Still,heisPatroclus,andbecausehe’sPatroclus,hehesitates.“Areyouokaywiththis?”
Idon’tknow.IfeellikeI’mfree-falling.It’sonethingtoknowI’mneckdeepinamessyrelationshipandsinkingdeeper.It’sentirelyanotherto…Idon’tevenknowwhat’shappeninghere.Butmyabortedorgasmbeatsjustasstronglyasmyneedtoescapeforalittlewhile.Didn’tpartofmehopethiswouldhappen?Yes.Ididn’texpectittohappenlikethis,butit’snotasifitwasoutsidetherealmofpossibilitieswhenIurgedPatroclustotouchme,tomakemecome.
IglanceatAchillesand,wow,hissmilemightnotreachhisdarkeyes,buthe’slookingatuslikewe’reabanquetlaidoutforhispleasureandhe’snotsurewherehewantstostart.Ishiver.There’snotakingbackwhatI’vedone,andmaybethat’sanexcuse,butIdon’tcare.Idon’twanttostop.Iwanttochargeforwardandseewhathappensnext.“I’mokaywithit.”
“Ifyouchangeyourmind—”
“Forfuck’ssake,shesaidshewasgoodwithit.EvenIcanseeshe’sabouttofuckingcome.Getonwithit.”
PatroclusturnshisheadtoglareatAchilles.“Audiencesshouldbeseen,notheard.”
“Saidnooneever.”
“Gentlemen.”Iwaitforthembothtolookatme.Ican’tstopshaking.I’mabouttocomeoutofmyskinwithneed,andthey’rebickeringlikeanoldmarriedcouple.“Ifyou’regoingtoargue,godoitinthelivingroomandI’llfinishmyselfoffinpeace.”
AchillessnortsandPatroclusoffersanotherofthoselittlesmilesI’mstartingtolikesomuch.Hedoesn’tgivemeachancetodecideifI’mbluffingornot.Hejustdipsdownandresumesstrokingmyclitwithhistongueintheexactsamerhythmthathadmedancingontheedgebeforewewereinterrupted.Iwhimper.“Ohfuck.”
“Takeoffyourtop,princess.Ifyou’regoingtoputonashow,doitproperly.”
Idon’teventhink.Ijustobey,wrestlingmypajamatopoffwhilePatroclusworksmypussylikewe’vebeenloversforyearsinsteadoflessthananhour.ImanagetogettheoffendinggarmentoffandtossitatAchilles.Hesnatchesitoutoftheairandsiftsthesilktopthroughhisfingersalmostcontemplatively,buthisgazeneverleavesus.
Patroclus’sgazethreatenstolightmeaflame.Later,I’msureI’llhavesomecomplicatedfeelingsaboutplayingthepartofapawninagamebetweenthesetwomen.Rightnow,I’mtooclosetocomingtocareaboutanythingbutPatroclus’stongueworkingmyclit.Soclose…Sofuckingclose…Ipalmmybreasts,pinchingmynipplesasheedgesmecloserandclosertoorgasm.Itfeltsogoodbefore,butwithAchilleswatching…
Therearenowords.
I’veneverdoneanythinglikethisbefore.Oh,I’vebeenplentyexperimentalwhenitcomestosex,butonlywithatrustedhandfulofpeopleovertheyears.BeingZeus’sdaughtermeansanyonecaughtinmybedwouldseehorrificconsequences.Olympuslikestopretendit’sforward-thinking,butthatso-calledprogressivenessdoesn’tincludethepurityculturethatpervadestheuppercircles.Asaresult,I’venevertrustedsomeoneenoughtoletthemwatchwhileIfuck.ItwouldbealltooeasyforthemtorecordwhileIwasdistractedandthen…
Patroclusturnshisheadandnipsmythigh.“Stopthinkingsohard.”
“Meansyou’renotdoingyourjobproperly,”Achillesrumbles.Hestretchesouthislegs.“Twofingers.”
IbarelycomprehendhiswordswhenPatroclusmoves,releasingmythighandpushingtwobluntfingersintome.Heshiftstheangleafewtimes,searching…searching.Hegrins.“There.”HeflickshisfingertipsagainstmyG-spot.Holyshit,thatwasfast.
Mywholebodygoesmolten,thefeelingonlycompoundedbythefactthathe’sfollowingAchilles’sdirective.Ilookoverattheotherman,buthisgazeisonPatroclus,hiseyesnarrowed.“Now,herclit.Makehercome,loudandmessy.”
Onceagain,Patroclusobeysimmediately,movingbacktomyclit.ThecombinationofhimstrokingmyG-spotandlickingmyclitand…“Fuck!”Iorgasm,backbowingandmyheelsdiggingintothemattress.Patroclusdoesn’tmove,doesn’tstop,justkeepsgoing,drivingmyorgasmhigherand…
“Don’tstop,”Achillesbarks.
Icryout.It’salmostascream.Thepressurebuildsandbuildsandthensomethinggivesinsideme,andIsquirtalloverPatroclus’shand.Onlythendoeshegentlehistouch,easingmedownuntiltheonlythingI’mabletodoisstareathimandshake.Hegivesmypussyonelastlong,thoroughkissandliftshishead.
Achilles’slowlaughdrawsourattentioninhisdirection.Hisbodylanguageisperfectlyrelaxed,butthewayhisgiantcockpressesagainsthissweatpantsgiveslietotheimagehe’sprojecting.AsIstare,hepalmshiscockroughlyandgrins.“That’sagoodstart.”
16
Achilles
Ican’tdecideifI’mmorepissedofforturnedon.WhenIheardHelen’smoan,IknewwhatI’dfindthesecondIwalkedintotheroom.SheandPatroclusfuckingaround,orjustflat-outfucking.Iwalkedthroughthedooranyways.There’ssomethingselfishinthat.IfIwereabetterman,IwouldhaveletPatroclushavehismomentwithHelenwithoutmeinvolved.
I’mnotabetterman.I’maselfishasshole.
Watchinghimeatherpussy…Thewayherespondedtomycommands…
We’veneverdoneanythinglikethisbefore.I’mnaturallybossyinbed,andwe’vesharedpartnersinthepast,butnotlikethis.Notwithmetakingtheleadsointenselyandhimfollowingalongwithoutaword.Notwithawomanbothofusaredrawntoindifferentways.Helenisnothinglikeanyonewe’vesharedinthepast,andthissituationisafirstforusinsomanyways.
I’mnotreadyforittostop.
Patroclusleverageshimselfuptolookatme.TheentirebottomhalfofhisfaceiswetwithHelen,andfuckifthatdoesn’tsendaboltofluststraighttomycock.Iwanttokisshim,totastebothofthemmixeduponhistongue.Notnow.IfIcrossthatline,I’llbefuckingheragainbeforeIleavethatbed.
Heshakeshisheadalittleasifwakingfromadream.“What?”
Imakeanefforttokeepallthetensionfrommybody.“Youknowyou’renotsatisfiedwithoneorgasm.You’resohard,you’reabouttocomeinyourpants.”Ileanforwardandpropmyelbowsonmyknees.“Fuckher,Patroclus.Youthinkthatpussytastesgood?Feelsgoodclampedaroundyourfingers?Itfeelsevenbetteraroundyourcock.”
Helenmakesalittlewrithingmotionandturnsherheadtoblinkthosebigambereyesatme.She’sgotashell-shockedlookonherface,butthatdoesn’tstopherfromrunninghermouth.“I’mrighthere.”
“Yeah,youare.”Andwhatafuckingpictureshemakes.Hairallfuckedupfromsleep,herskingoldeninthemorninglight,flushedfromcomingalloverPatroclus’sface.HertitsareevenmoreperfectthanIremember,andwiththisminusculedistance,Icanappreciatethedeceptivestrengthofherbody.Everysinglemusclestoodoutwhenshecame.Iwanttoseeithappenagain.Ithinktheywantit,too.
Thereareadozenreasonstostopthisnow,butIignoreeverysingleoneofthem.“Don’tpretendlikeyouhaven’tbeenpantingafterPatroclus’scocksincethatfirstnight.Youthinkheeatspussygood?Lethimfocusallthatattentiononfuckingyouproperly.”
Shegivesanotherofthoselongblinks,andIcanpracticallyseeherbrainjumpingbackonline.“Youaresuchadick.”
“I’vebeencalledworse.Byyou.”
“Yeah,guessso.”Helenbitesherbottomlip.“Patroclus?”Awholelotofsubtextinthatsingleword,andforonce,Icanreadmostofit.Shewantsthis.Shedoesn’twantto,isprettysureshe’sgoingtoregretit,butshewantsittoomuchtobetheonetostopus.
Ican’tspeaktoregrets.Idon’tfuckwiththemallthatoften.Oncesomething’sdone,it’sdone,andthere’snopointtowishonstarsthatyoucangobackintimeandredothingsdifferently.Youlivewiththeconsequencesandmoveon,maybelearnathingortwointheprocess.Maybethisshitisamistake,maybeit’snot,butifallthreeofuswantit,whyshouldn’twegoforit?
Foronce,Patroclusisn’tlostinthought.He’sstaringupherbodylikehewantstotasteeveryinchofher,likehe’sfinallyfoundsomeonebesidesmewhoclicksoffthatimpressivebrainofhisandleavesonlyinstinctbehind.He’sstillPatroclus,though,soheshakeshisheadandattemptstofocus.Toreason.“Iwantyou,Helen.Idon’twanttostop.Ifyou’regoodwiththis—”
“Yes.”
Isnortathowquicklysheresponds,andhegivesalittlelaugh.“Yousure?”
“Yes.Thisis…”Helendragsinabreaththatmakeshertitsjiggle.“Thisismessy,butIthinkit’ssafetosayneitherofyouisgoingtouseitagainstme?”
Whatthefuckisshetalkingabout?Usewhatagainsther?Ifrown.“Theonlythingwe’regoingtouseagainstyouisPatroclus’scock.”
Heunderstands,though.HealwaysseemstobeabletomakethejumpevenwhenI’mflounderingbehindhim.Patroclussmoothsahandoverherstomach.“You’reright.Thisismessy.Butwhathappensinthisbedroomisbetweenus.Itgoesasfarasyouwant,butitwon’taffectwhathappensonceweleavethebed.”
Thatsoundslikeawholelotofbullshit.He’salreadythinkingofthefuture.Sheis,too.Fuck,evenIam.“It’salreadymessy.”Ican’tkeeptheimpatienceoutofmyvoice.“Itwasmessythemomentwefucked,thesecondyoucamealloverhisface.It’snotgoingtogetmessier.”ButIgetwhatherfearisnow.Someonehasusedsexagainstherinthepastandleftherbruisedbecauseofit.Itrytosoftenmyvoice,butitstillcomesoutinarumble.“Helen.”Iwaitforhertogivememostofherattention.“Patroclusisright.Whathappensinthisbedroomisjustbetweenus.Itwillstayjustbetweenus.”
“Okay.”Hersmileisalmosttentative…trusting.Sheclearsherthroatandlooksaway.“Look,guys,thisisreallyhot,andIdon’tcareifI’llregretitlater.Idon’twanttostop.”
ThatsnagsatmeevenasItellmyselfit’snoneofmygodsdamnedbusinessifHelenregretsthis.Shedoesn’thavetoseethingsmyway,tobelievethattheexperienceisworththeconsequences.Notyet.Ihaveplentyoftimetoconvincethemboth.“You’regoingtobecomingtoohardtoregretanything.”
“Maybe.”Sheshootsmeasharplook.“Butwe’llseehowIfeelwhenyoutwostartfightingagain.”
“Don’tworryaboutlater.”Islicemyhandthroughtheair,wishingIcouldcutoffthatinevitablefutureaseasily.She’sprobablyright,whichisfrustrating.Thismightbemyselfishversionofanapology,butultimatelyitdoesn’tfixshitwithmeandPatroclus.I’mstillnotreallysurehowtofixshitbetweenus.Aworryforlater,justlikeHelen’sregrets.“Thisisnow.Youin?”
“Yes.”Again,nohesitation.ImightnotreallyunderstandHelen,butIdoappreciatethatonceshedecidesonacourse,itdoesn’tseemlikemuchdetersher.Wehavethatincommon.Iverycarefullydon’tthinkaboutwhatelsewemighthaveincommon.
“Patroclus?”
Hehesitates,searchingmyexpression.Idon’tknowwhatfor.I’mpracticallywrappingupHelenlikeagiftforhim,evenifthismightnotbetheperfectscenarioheimaginedwhenhethoughtaboutwhatitwouldbeliketoseduceher.Honestly,though,he’sprobablyconsideredthisscenario,too.PatroclusknowsI’mahumanwreckingball.JustlikeIknowhismindistenstepsaheadofusrightnowandthinkingtoohardaboutpotentialoutcomesandconsequences.
Iseetheexactmomenthediscardsallthatandthrowscautiontothewind.Hegivesashortnodandturnsbacktodrinkinthesightofherlaidoutforhim.“Yeah.”
Reliefandanticipationtwinethroughme,butIrefusetoshowanyofit.Withthesetwoandtheirdeterminationtooverthinkanygivensituationtodeath,therewasadecentchanceoneofthemwouldhaveslammedonthebrakesandstoppedthisbeforeIwasreadytoendit.Ittakesmeafewsecondstoletthatconcerngoandrefocus.
Theybothsaidyes.We’reinthis.Timetohavesomefuckingfun
Iinhaleslowly,lettingmyplansspinout.Iwantthembothtocomehard,butIalsowantadamngoodview.Isnapmyfingers.“Patroclus,onyourback.Helen,ontop.”
Iprefertobeinthemiddleofanysexyshithappening,butIcan’tdenyhowfuckinghotthisis.Imightnotbetheonehavingsex,butthey’reactingoutmycommands.Patroclusstretchesoutonthemattressonhisback,andHelenwastesnotimemovingtostraddlehiships.She’salittleshakystill,andhecatchesherthighs,holdinghersteady.Theylookateachother,andit’slikeIcanseetheconnectionbetweenthem.
Itpissesmeoffandturnsmeon.Iguessthat’snosurprise.Everythingaboutthispissesmeoffandturnsmeon.Isn’tthatconnectionthereasonIlostcontrolandfuckedHelenonthefloorlikeananimalasingledayafterbadgeringPatroclusintopromisingtostayawayfromher?Ican’terasewhat’sobviouslygrowingbetweenthem,butI’mstartingtorealizeIcanensureIwon’tbeleftbehind.“Rubonhiscock,princess.Lethimfeelhowwethemadeyou.”
SheplantsherhandsonPatroclus’schestandrollsherhips.Mychairisangledjustrighttoseeeverything.Thewayshedragsherpussyoverhiscock,pressingitshardlengthdownbetweenthem.Itwouldn’ttakemuchforhimtobeinsidehernow.Infact…“HelenandIdidn’tuseprotection.”
Theygostill.Patrocluslooksatme,alineappearingbetweenhisbrows.Ispeakbeforeeitherofthemhaveachanceto.“There’snoreasonforyoutwotouseit,either.She’sonbirthcontrol.Youaren’twithanyoneelsebutmerightnow.Allofusaretestedregularly.”
Helenshootsmeasharplook,herprettylipsthinningwithirritation.“Speakformeagain,andI’llgutyou.”
“Promises,promises.”Ishouldn’tenjoyherthreatssomuch.Butthelasttimeshethreatenedme,sheendedupcomingaroundmycock.Hardtocomplainwiththatkindofrewardinmind.Except,no,rightnowisn’taboutonlyme.Idraginabreath.Theroomsmellsofsexwiththepromiseofmore.
ThepromiseofmoreifIdon’tfuckthisupandpissoneofthemoff.Icandothis.Icanpumpthebrakesjustenoughtomakesureeveryoneisonthesamepage.“Doyouwanttouseacondom,princess?”Ismileslowly,enjoyingthewayhergazenarrowsinresponse.“OrdoyouwanttoridePatroclus’scockbareandlethimfillyouup?”
Sheflushesaprettypinkandshiftsherattentiontothemanbetweenherthighs.“WhileI’minclinedtoprotestjusttopisshimoff,I’mnotonetocutoffmynosetospitemyface.”Sheshiversalittle,herrosynipplespeakedonherperfecttits.“Iliketheideaofyoufuckingmebare,Patroclus.Ilikeitalot.I’mokaygoingwithoutacondomifyouare.”
“It’snotagoodidea.”
IcannotcountthenumberoftimesI’veheardhimsaythoseexactsamewordsinthatexactsametone.It’saprotestforthesakeofprotest.Patrocluswantsthisjustasmuchaswedo.More,even.There’safinetremorinhishandswheretheygripherthighs.He’sfightingforcontrol,tobetherational,reasonableone.
Fuckthat.
“Wedon’tneedatreatiseonwhyit’sabadidea.Ayesornoisgoodenough.”Ibarelypause,barelygivehisimpressivebrainachancetostartchuggingdownthepaththatderailsus.“Shefeelssogood.Wetandtight.Tellmeyoudon’twantit.”
Hecurses,andIknowwehavehim.Heconfirmsitasecondlater.“Iwantit.”
Yeah,butIdon’twantextraroomforclaimingmiscommunicationorscoopingupmoreregretsthannecessary.“Useyourwords.Beexplicit.”
Patroclusstrokeshishandsupherthighsandthendowntohookthebacksofherknees.Hejerksherafewinchesuphisstomach.“Iwanttofuckyoubare.Iwanttofillyouup.”
Helennodssofast,herhairfallsinherface.“Yes.Yes,let’sdoit.”
Satisfactioncurlsthroughme.They’redoingwhatIwant,andlittlefeelsbetterthanthat,especiallybecauseIknowhowbadtheybothwantit,too.JustlikeIknowtheywouldn’thavedonethiswithoutmypushingforit.They’rebothtoodamnsensible.ImakemyselfleanbackinthechairandrelaxasmuchasIcanmanage.“Youknowwhattodo,princess.”
HelenwrapsafistaroundPatroclus’scock,andmycocktwitchesinresponse.Shestrokeshimslowly,herlongfalloflight-brownhairshieldingherfacefromme.Iwanttotellhertopullitback,toshowmeeverything,butIcan’tquitemanageit.Maybeit’sbetternottoseethewayshelooksathim.Badenoughtowitnesshisexpressionashewatchesherrisetonotchhiscockatherentrance.Patroclusisasshell-shockedashewasthefirsttimewehadsex,asifhe’swaitingforsomeonetopinchhimandsayit’sallajoke,atrick,asham.
Hestilllooksatmelikethatsometimes.
IpushthethoughtawayandfocusonwatchingHelenfightherwaydownPatroclus’scock.He’sgirthierthanIam,andeventhoughshejustcamehardenoughtosoakthebed,she’sstillgottoworktotakehim.“He’sspreadingyousowide,princess.Feelsgood,doesn’tit?”
“Yes,”shegasps.Anotherinchofhiscockdisappearsintoher.Thejealousycurdlingmystomachonlygetsstronger.It’sdual-sided,aroomfulloffun-housemirrorsthatreflectandamplify.Iwanttofeelherclamparoundme.Iwanttoexperiencethealmostpainofthatfirstslowslideofhiscockashepushesintome.Iwantitall.
Patroclusshiftshisgriptoherhips.“Slow.”
“No,notslow.”Ican’tkeepthebiteoutofmywords.“Takehimall.”
“I’mtrying,youasshole.”Sherollsherhipsagain,workingherselfdownthelastbitofhim.Themomentthey’resealedtogether,allthreeofusexhaleharshly.Helen’snailsdenttheskinonhischest,butshedoesn’trakethemoverhimthewayshedidwithme.Instead,she’sbeingsodamngentle,Iwanttoshattersomething.
“Ridehim,”Isnap.“Makeyourselfcomeagain.”
Thistime,shedoesn’tsnarlatme.Shesimplyobeys,movingalmostdecadentlyslowly.It’ssexyasfucktowatchthewayherbodyrollsoverhim,butit’slikeanitchIcan’tquitescratch.It’stoointimate,toosweet.Thewaytheylookateachother,Imightaswellnotbeintheroom.ThesensationonlygetsworsewhenPatroclusbrushesherhairbackandthenarchesuptokissher,herfacecradledgentlyinhishands.
Yeah,no,thisisn’twhatIsignedupfor.
“That’saboutenoughofthat.”Theybothfreeze,andtheguiltwrittenacrosshisexpressionismoreofaslapinthefacethananythingelsethat’shappenedhere.Iswallowpastthesuddenacheinmychest.It’sjustsex,andIdon’tdoregrets.Ifuckingrefuseto.“Patroclus,sitontheedgeofthebed.Princess,onhislap,facingme.”
Thistime,theymoveslower.Thatcausestheachetogetworse.NotevenHelen’sperfecttitsareenoughtocombatthefeelingofbeingimmaterial.I’maselfishprick.Ilikebeingthecenterofattention.AndI’m…notrightnow.
HeleneasesontoPatroclus’slapwithherlegsontheoutsideofhis.IfIenjoyedtheviewofhimenteringherbefore,it’sathousandtimesbetternow.Hiscockspreadsheralmostobscenely,andIpalmmyselfroughlyinresponse.Thistime,shedoesn’thavetofightashardtotakehim.Sheleansbackagainsthischestandslidesonearmuptohookbehindhisneck.“Isthisbetter,Achilles?Can’tpretendyou’renotherewhenyou’remakingusstarerightatyou.”Herlipscurve.“Issomeonefeelinginsecure?”
“Shutup.”
Patrocluscupsherbreasts,temporarilydistractingbothofus.Shegaspsathimpinchinghernipplesjustshyofroughly.Ienjoythewayherhipsjoltinresponse,seekingpressureagainstherclit.Heknows.Ofcourseheknows.Healwaysseemstodivinewhathispartnersneednext.Hewastesnotimeslidingonehanddownbetweenherthighstostrokeherclit.Icanappreciatethefactthathekeepsmostofhishanduponherstomach,though,offeringaclearviewofthemfucking.
WhatIcan’ttellisifhe’stryingtoproveapointornot.
Bothofthemwatchmeashewindsherupstrokebystroke.She’sstilldoingthatsexyslowroll,obviouslynotinahurrytoreachanydestination.Helen’sbreathhitches.“PoorAchilles.Isthisbetter?NowyoucanwatchhowmuchI’menjoyingPatroclus’scock.”Shewhimperswhenheswitchesuphistouchagainstherclit.“Youcanseehowmuchhe’senjoyingmypussy.”
“Shutup.”It’sanevenmoreterriblecomebackthistimebecauseI’mjustrepeatingmyself,butIcanbarelyspeakthroughthelustcoatingtheroom,sointenseit’slikeastrongerforceofgravityagainstmyskin.Idipmyhandintomysweatsandgripmycock.Somehow,thatonlymakesitworse.BecauseI’mnotreallyinvolved,evenifIamrighthere.
Helen’sgazeflickstowheremyfistmovesinmypants,andshelicksherlips.Itense,waitingtoseeifshe’llreallytossthegauntletatmyfeet.Ishouldknowbetterbynow.Ifthere’sonethingHelencanbetrustedtodo,it’sescalatethesituation.Shebitesherbottomlip.“Youwanttoshutmeup?Getoverhereanddoitproperly.”
I’monmyfeetbeforeIcanthinkofallthereasonsthisisashittyidea.IfIwantedtostop,though,I’daskPatroclustogivemeabullet-pointedlist.Idon’twanttostop.“Soundslikeyouneedacocktochokeon.”
Shearchesaneyebrow,nevermissingabeatoffuckingPatroclus.“BoldofyoutoassumeI’llchokeonyou.”
“Onlyonewaytofindout.”Ihardlysoundlikemyself.IglanceoverhershoulderatPatroclus.HelooksjustasconflictedasIfeel.We’vesharedpartnersinthepast,yes,butwebothknowbetterthantolumpHeleninwiththem.Itwascomplicatedenoughwitheachofusfuckingheronourown.DoingittogetherfeelslikeamarkofintentthatI’mnotsurewecanfollowthroughonwithoutcrashingandburning.
NotjustruiningwhatlittletentativepeacewehavewithHelen,either.Ifthisblowsupinourfaces,itmightverywellfuckmyandPatroclus’srelationshipbeyondallrepair.
We’rebarrelingdownapathofnoreturn,andit’stoodamnlatetostop.I’veneverhadmuchinthewayofbrakes,alwaysrelyingonhissteadierhandandcoolerheadtostopusbeforewedoshitwecan’ttakeback.WithhimballsdeepinHelen’spussy,there’snoappealingtotheonlygodheworships.Logichasnothingonthelustbringingasexyflushtohishandsomeface.
Istepcloser,lettingHelenhookherfingersintothebandofmysweats.Shetugsthemdownjustenoughtofreemycockandlooksupatme.Fuck,she’ssexy,andthefactshe’sridingPatroclus’scockrightnowonlymakeshersexier.Shelicksherlipsagain.“Thisdoesn’tmeanIlikeyou.”
Thewordsmightstingifsheweren’tlookingatmelikeshewantstoconsumemewhole.Ican’tquitelaugh.Notrightnow.“Ithinkyoulikemejustfine,princess.”
Hersmilegoesdownrightmischievous.“MaybeIjustreallywanttosuckyourcock.”
Behindher,Patrocluscurses.“Thenstoptalkinganddoit.”Hewrapsacarefulfistaroundherlonghairandnudgesherheadforward.IhalfexpectHelentosnarlathim,butshefollowshisguidanceeagerly,lettinghimurgeherforwarduntilshecanwrapherlipsaroundtheheadofmycock.
Forallmyshit-talking,Ionlyeaseforwardalittle,givinghertimeandspacetoadjusttomylength.Patroclusdoessomethingwithhishandbetweenherthighsthathasherwhimperingandtakingmedeeper.Iholdperfectlystillandwatchhersuckmedown.Itlooksjustashotasitfeels,hertongueworkingtheundersideofmycockevenasherlipsmeetmybase.“Someonetaughtthepreciousprincesstodeepthroat,”Imurmur,voiceroughwithneed.
HelenpushesagainstPatroclus’sholdonherhair,andheletsheroffmycock.Shegivesmeanarchlook.“Nowthatwe’veestablishedIcantakeyou,stoptryingtopretendyouhaveanoblestreakandfuckmymouthlikeyoumeanit.”
17
Patroclus
Upuntilthispoint,I’vebeenactingoninstinctandlustwithlittlethoughtbehindit.Forthefirsttimeinmylife,thedrawoftheforbiddenistoomuchtoignore.IknowI’llregretthisentireexperiencelater,butthespellcastbyfirstHelen,andthenHelenandAchilles,istoostrong.It’sonlyasAchillessinkshisfingersintoherhair,grippingmyhandintheprocess,andstartstofuckHelen’smouththatIwonderwhathermotivationis…andifwe’retakingadvantage.
Shesaidshegetsrestlessandimpulsive.Sheadmittedasmuchtomelastnightandagainthismorning.SheaskedmeifIwasokaywithit,andI’dbeensooutofmymindwithneedandhurtandjealousythatIsaidIdidn’tgiveafuck.Yes,she’sshownenthusiasticconsentthiswholetime,butifthemotivationforthatisharmful,doesthatconsentmeanfuckall?
Godsdamnit,wearetakingadvantage.
“Getthefuckinglookoffyourface,Patroclus,”Achillessnarls.“Youcanfeelguiltylater.Rightnow,you’regoingtostrokeherclituntilshecomes.IfyouwanttofinishherbeforeIcomealloverhertits,you’dbetterpickupthefuckingpace.”
Iwanttocallhimselfish.ToagreewithHelen’searlierstatementabouthimbeinganasshole.Ishoulddothatandcutthisthingoffrightnowuntilwecanhaveaconversationwheresomeoneisn’tonthevergeoforgasmingorhalf-asleeporrunningfromsomeinternaldemonsonlytheycansee.
Idon’t.
IliftmyhandfromHelen’sclit.Achillesanticipatesmyneedjustlikehesooftenseemstoandleansdowntotakemyfingersintohismouth.Hegrowlsalittleashelicksthetasteofherfrommyskin,buthedoesn’tpauseinhisrelentlesspace.IwithdrawmywetfingersandresumestrokingHelen’sclit.ShemoansaroundAchilles’scockandtriestokeepfuckingme,butshe’stoodamndistracted.Tootrappedbetweenus.
“Achilles,”Igrindout.
“Yeah.Down.”He’salreadymoving,shiftingbackandeasingtohisknees.Ibandanarmaroundherhips,andwefollow.Ofcoursewefuckingfollowhim.SometimesitfeelslikemywholelifehasbeenspentfollowingAchilles,whetheritdamnsmeintheprocessorbringsmeuntoldamountsofbliss.
Wemovedowntoourkneesbesidethebed.ThenewpositionallowsmetosinkevendeeperintoHelen’stightpussy.Idon’tknowifIbelieveintheafterlife,butthismustbewhatitfeelslike.Hot,wetperfection.NowonderAchillesforgothimselfandfuckedherbare.Itfeelssogood,itshort-circuitssomethinginmybrain.Mythoughtskeeptryingtoreassertthemselves,butthenshe’llclencharoundme,andtheyscatterlikemarbles.
IbarelyallowedmyselftothinkaboutwhatitwouldbeliketofuckHelenKasios,butrealityissofarbeyondwhatIcouldhavepossiblyimagined.
Idon’tmeantomatchmyrhythmtoAchilles’s.Nomatterhowconflictedmyfeelingsabouthimarerightnow,heismysunandIamhelplessagainstthegravityheexerts.IworkHelen’sclitaswefuckher,anditdoesn’ttakelongbeforeshe’smoaningandshaking.Still,Idon’trelent.Iwanttofeelhercomeapartaroundme.Iwanttofillherup,justlikeAchillescommanded.Soeasytoputtheresponsibilityonhim,onhisorders,ratherthanadmitIwanttoexperiencewhathedidwithher,wanttomakemyownmarksoI’mnotleftbehind.Thisisonlytemporary,butatleastIhavethisrightnow.It’smorethanIthoughtpossible.
Shesobsaroundhiscockassheorgasms,andherpussyclampsonmycocksotightly,Ilosecontrol.Ireleaseherhairandpoundintoher.Toofast.Toofuckingrough.Itdoesn’tmatterbecauseshe’sarchingbackagainstme,spreadingherthighstotakemedeeperyet.“Helen,I—”
Achillesleansforwardandcapturesmymouth.Hekissesmelikeheownsme,likeheownsthis.I’mnotsurehe’swrong.Evenwhenhewassittingonthechairwatchingus,hispresenceconsumedthespace.Neitherofuscouldescapeit.Idon’tthinkeitherofuswantedto.Isureasfuckdon’twanttonow.IcomewiththemingledtasteofhimandHelenonmytongue.
Hebarelyletsmefinishbeforehe’spushingusback.Rough.Achillesistoodamnrough.Butthen,heknowsI’mtheretobreakHelen’sfall.Shelandsonmychest,andit’sthemostnaturalthingintheworldtowrapmyarmsaroundher.Iholdhersteadyashepullsoutofhermouthandstrokeshiscockonce,twice,athirdtime.AchillescursesashecomesacrossHelen’sbreastsinjerkingspurts.Shemoansandarchesherbackasifsheenjoysthesight.
Achillesbracesonehandonthemattressbehindusanddragsasinglefingerthroughthemessonherchest,idlycirclingonenipple.“Nexttime…”Hedragsinaroughbreath.“Nexttime,IwantPatroclustocomealloveryourpussyandthighs,andthenI’mgoingtofuckhiscomeintoyou.”
Helenmakesthatsexylittlewhimperingsound.“Makingalotofassumptions,”shefinallymanages.
“Nah.IknowwhatIwant.AndIknowwhatPatrocluswants,evenifhewon’tadmitit.”Achillesslumpsdownnexttous,hisraggedbreathingjoiningours.“I’mstartingtoknowwhatyouwant,too.”
Ashudderofnearfeargoesthroughme.Achilleshasthatlookonhisface,theonelikeahoundthat’scaughtascent.IcancountononehandhowmanytimesI’veseenhimlooklikethisinthetwelveyearsI’veknownhim.One,whenwewentthroughbootcamptobecomeAres’ssecurityforces.Theytriedtowashusout,didn’twantanarrogantorphanandanerdwho’dratherhavehisheadinabook.Achilleshadalreadydecidedhe’dgetthroughwhatevertheythrewathim,andhedid,draggingmealongwithhim.
Thesecondtime,whenAthenapoachedhim,andmewithhim.Withinthefirstweektrainingunderhercommand,hedroppedontomybedonenightandgrinnedI’mgoingtobehersecond-in-commandwithintenyears.Itonlytookhimsix.
Thethirdtime,thefinaltime,waswhenhedecidedbecomingAreswaswhathewanted.
Now,he’slookingather,atus,inthesameway,andthere’snotenoughairintheroom.Helendoesn’tknowhimwellenoughtounderstandwhatdangerwe’rein,butshetensesupallthesame.Iletherpushmyarmsawayfromherandsitup.“Well,thatwasfun—”Sheshootstoherfeet.
Orshetries.
AchillesmovesbeforeIevenrealizeherintent,puttinganarmoutinfrontofher.Helenbouncesoffitandlandsbackagainstmychest.“Whatthefuck?”
“Yeah,no,you’renotdoingthatcut-and-runbullshitagain,sositthere,letPatrocluscuddleyou,andenjoytheafterglow.”
AsmuchasIliketheweightofheronmylap,asmuchasIdowanttoputmyarmsaroundherandcuddleherclose,hejustcrossedhalfadozenlines.Itakeadeepbreath,tryingnottoreacttothescentofHelenandAchillesandsexintheair,andstrivetobecalmandreasonable.“Achilles,lethergo.Youcan’tjustkeeppeoplewheretheydon’twanttobe.”
“ExceptI’mbiggerthanher,sothat’sexactlywhatIcando.”Heleansbackandcloseshiseyes,buthisapparentrelaxationisalie.Iusedtofallforitwhenwewereteenagers,andasadults,I’veplayedthisgamewithhimmoretimesthanIcancountwithpleasurableendresults.
Helendidn’tsignupforthatsortofgame,though.“Achilles.”
Heopenshiseyes,andforthefirsttimesincehewalkedintotheroomandcaughtmytongueinherpussy,helooksabsolutelyfurious.“No,youwillnotbetalkingtomelikeI’mbeingadick.Ioftenam,butnotthistime.”
“Ibegtodiffer,”Helensnarls.
“Begallyouwant.Firsttimeforeverything.Whoknows,youmightevenlikeit.”
EventhoughIdon’twantto,IcarefullysetHelendownbetweenus.Thealternativeishervibratingwithrageinmylap,andI’monlyhuman.Iwon’tbeabletostopmybodyfromreacting,justhavingorgasmedornot.Withoutherdeliciousweightagainstme,Icanfinallythinkalittleclearly.“Achilles.”
“Don’tsaymynamelikethat,Patroclus.Shedoesn’tgettofuckusandtakeoffwithoutanotherword.She’snotrunningawayuntilwetalk.Notthistime.”
Helenshovesherhairoutofherface,butshedoesn’ttrytostandupandleavethistime.“Youdidn’tbargainforaconversation,asshole.Youonlywantedtofuckmymouthandcomeallovermychest.Missionaccomplished.There’snothingtotalkabout.”
AsmuchasIhatethewayhe’sgoingaboutthis,Achillesisn’twrong.NomatterwhichwayIlookatthis,whatwejustdidcomplicatedthingsbeyondcomprehension.Ifeelsodamntangledup,Icanbarelythinkstraight,andAchillesstillhasthatflintylookinhiseyesthatfillsmewithforeboding.Everyothertime,hisgoalhasbeenapositionormeetinganexternalchallenge.Idon’tliketothinkofwhathe’lldoifpeoplearehisgoal.
MaybeI’mreadinghimwrong.Imustbe.It’ssexcloudingmythoughts.Irubmyhandsovermyfaceandtrytothink.“It’ssafetoassumeyou’renotgoingtoresignfromthetournament.”
“Brilliantdeduction,Sherlock,”Helensnaps.
Achillescrosseshisarmsoverhischestandsettlesbackagainstthemattress.“Areyoupissedbecauseyoujustcameharderthanyoueverhavebeforeandthathurtyourpride,orisitsomethingelse?”
Helenmakesasoundthathasmefightingnottoinchawayfromher.She’snakedandsmallerthanIam.Whatharmcanshedo?Evenasthethoughtcrossesmymind,Ishiftmythighsomycockisn’taneasytarget.Shedoesn’tseemtonotice,though.She’stoofocusedonAchilles.“Idon’tknow,whatcouldpossiblybeupsettingtome?Thefactthatmysiblingstossedmetothesharkswithoutsomuchasawarning?OrmaybethatmyexiscompetinginthisfuckingtournamentsolelytowinmebecausehefinallyhasexternalconfirmationthatI’mnothingmorethanaprizetobewon?Oh,Iknow!Ibetit’sbecauseIwasattackedbysomeonewithaknifelastnight.Ringanybells?”
Guilthits,ablowthatwouldtakemeoffmyfeetifIwasn’talreadyonmyass.“Shit,weshouldn’thavedonethis.”
“Thereheis,”Achillesmurmurs.“Rightonschedule.”
“Fuckyou.”
Helentwiststolookatme.HermouthispinkfromthefuckingAchillesgaveher,andtherearefaintteartracksonherface,butherlookofconcernisforme.Shereachesahandupandcupsmyfacetentatively,asifexpectingmetorejecther.“It’snotregrets.I’mpissedandoutofsortsandallfuckedup,butit’snotregrets.That’snotwhatthisisabout.Youdidn’ttakeadvantage.”
Ironicthatshe’stryingtoreassuremewhenwesureasfuckdidtakeadvantageofher.Gods,we’retwoofthebiggestpricksinOlympus.“Youcameintoourroomtostaysafe,andweusedthatproximitytofuckyou.”
Helenarchesabrow,suddenlylookingmorelikeherself.“Please.ImeantwhatIsaidlastnight.IfullyintendedonseducingyouthefirstchanceIgot,andIalreadyfuckedhim.”ShejerksherthumboverhershoulderatAchilles.“Ifanything,Itookadvantageofyou.”
“That’saboutenoughoftheuselessblamegame.”Achillesstretches.“Here’swhat’sgoingtohappen—”
“Ohyes,”Helendrawls.“Pleaseenlightenus,fearlessleader.Asifyou’veeverhadanoriginalthoughtinthatprettyheadofyours.WeallknowthebrainsofthisoperationisPatroclus.”
“Aw,princess,youthinkI’mpretty.I’mtouched.”
“Don’tletitgotoyourhead.”Sheexaminesherfingernails,whichIbelatedlyseearepaintedamattecolorthatmatchesherskin.“Youcameveryfast,Achilles.Justlikelasttime.Truly,itseemstobeatrend,andIwouldn’tbebraggingaboutit.”
Achillesopensoneeyetoglareather.“I’dthinkaftertwostellarorgasms,you’dbeinabettermood.”
“It’snotlikeyou—”
“Holyfuck,willyoutwostopbickeringlikeanoldmarriedcouple?”Thewordscomeouttoosharply,buteverythingfeelstoosharprightnow.We’reinthismessuptoournecks,andthere’snorewindingtheclocktotakeitback.Ican’tthinkaboutthefactthatsomedayHelenandAchilleswillbeanoldmarriedcouple.“Helen,areyouokay?Trulyokay,andnotjustsayingthattomakeusfeelbetter?”
“No,I’mnotokay.”Sheflicksherhairoverhershoulder.“Butifyou’reaskingifI’mabouttosobwithregretbecauseIjusthadtwooutstandingorgasmsandgotrailedbytwosexymen…alsono.Unlikesomepeople,Icancompartmentalize.”
“Liar.”Achillessaysitalmostfondly.“Butthenexttimeyou’relookingforadistraction,we’rehereandwilling.”
“Howselflessofyou.”
“Nah.You’resexyasshit,andyouknowit.”Hefinallyopenshiseyesandgivesalazygrin.“You’reawholelotmoreagreeablewhenyou’rechokingonmycock.Let’sbehonest,though.You’redownrightlikablewhenyou’recomingallmessyandloud.Can’twaitforroundtwo—orthree,ifwe’rebeinghonest.”
“Achilles.”Whenhefinallyfallssilent,it’severythingIcandotogathermywits.Ifshesaysshe’sokaywithwhathappened,thenIhavetotakeheratherword.Butthatmeansit’stimetounpacktherestoftheissuesplaguingus.“Helen,he’sright.Weneedtotalk.”
“We’retalkingrightnow.”
Igiveherthelookthatstatementdeserves.Goodgods,whathaveIgottenmyselfinto?“Ifyou’reseeingthisthrough,you’llbestayinginourroomuntilthetournamentisover.”
“Soyoucanguardmybody.”
Itrytoignorethebarbsinthosewords.She’sright,though.We’reshittybodyguardsrightnow.Anyonecouldhavewalkedintothesuitewhilewewerefucking,andwhileAchilleshasexcellentsituationalawareness,Ican’tguaranteehewouldhavereactedquicklyenoughintheeventofanotherattack.Isureasfuckwouldn’thave.“Hesavedyoulastnight.”
“Yes,well,evenabrokenclockisrighttwiceaday.”Sherisestoherfeet.AchillesshiftsbutHelenholdsupherhand.“You’rebothrightaboutusneedingtotalk,butI’mnothavingaseriousconversationwhilecoveredinbodilyfluids.I’mgoingtotakeashower.”
Thistime,neitherofusstopherasshestepsoverAchilles’soutstretchedlegsandwalksintothebathroom.Thedoorshuttingsoundsunnaturallyloudinthesuddenquiet.Achillessighsandletshisheadfallbackagainstthebed.“Well,thatwasunexpected.”
“Wasit?”Idon’tdisagreeexactly,butsomethingaboutHelenfeelsinevitable.Thisisn’tforever,butI’mdrawntoherinawayIdon’tunderstand.Maybethiswasalwaysgoingtohappen,evenifIdidn’taccountforit.ItmakesmewonderwhatelseIhaven’taccountedfor.“Achilles…”
“Don’tapologize.”Hedoesn’tlookatme.“Don’tyoudarefuckingapologize.Idon’tcareifyoufuckedherbecauseyouwantedtohurtmeorifthingsjustgotoutofcontrol.I’mtheonewhostartedthisanyway.Shewasintoitthismorning,soyoucantakethatoffthelistofthingsyoufeelguiltyabout.”
“Andyou?”
Heturnshisheadjustenoughtolookatme.“WhatpartofwhatjusthappenedmakesyouthinkIwasn’tintoit?”
“That’snotwhatI’masking.”Butashewaitsformetoelaborate,Ican’tquitefindthewords.Idon’twantto.IfIaskhimwhathewasthinkingwhilehelookedather—atus—withthatparticularexpressiononhisface,he’llanswermehonestly.Iknowhewill.
I’mnotsureI’mreadytohearthatanswer.
“Isweartothefuckinggods,ifyousaysomedumbshitlikethisbeingasignthatwe’reonthewayoutwitheachother,Iwilltakeyouontothetrainingmatandbeatthepissoutofyou.”
“You’lltry,”Isnap.
“Yeah.YouwinnearlyasoftenasIdo.”Hesmilesalittle,thoughitfadesfartoofast.“Iknowshitisfuckeduprightnow,butitwon’talwaysbelikethis.Oncethistournamentisover,thingswillgobacktonormal.Betterthannormal.”
That’sthething.Theywouldn’thavegonebacktonormal,evenifHelenwasn’tinthepictureandcomplicatingthings.AchillesandImightberelativelyhighupthepowerstructurebeneathAthena,butwe’restilljustsoldiers.Attheendofthistournament,AchilleswillbecomeAres.OneofthethirteenmostpowerfulpeopleinOlympus.Thereisnogoingbacktonormalafterthat.He’llbethrustintothespotlightwithHelenathissideashiswife.Nomatterhowmuchhelovesme,itdoesn’tchangethefactthatIwillbeshuffledbackintotheshadows.
ThefuturehadalwaysheldanelementofdreadformebecausethemomenthebecomesAres,Ilosehim.Itmightnothappenwiththesnapofhisfingers,buteventuallyhe’lloutpacemeonceandforall,andI’llbeleftbehind.
ThatwasbeforeHelen.
Watchingthemmoveontogether?Fuck,Icanbarelystandtothinkofit.
SayingasmuchtoAchillesisjustaskingforafight.Hedoesn’tseethingsmyway,issocertainhecanpowerthroughandmoldthefuturetohisimpressivewill.It’snotuntilhefailsthathe’llfinallyadmitIwasright,atleastinthis.Hewon’tbelievemethatoureventuallyendinguponseparatepathsisallbutinevitable.He’lltrytofightforus,toholduscloser,anditwillonlyhurtworseintheend.
Bettertofocusontheproblemathand.Asimplemysterythatmusthaveasolution.“Helenwon’tbackdown,andwhoeveristryingtoscareheroffisonlygoingtoescalate.”
Hegivesanearlysoundlesssighbutdoesn’ttrytohaulmebacktotheoriginaltopic.“Nexttrialisgoingtotakeusfromtwelvetofive.She’llgetknockedoutthen.”
IwishIhadhisconfidence.Helenhassurprisedusagainandagain.Theoddsmightbeagainsther,buttheyhavebeenfromthestart.“Andifshe’snot?”
Heshakeshishead.“Shewillbe.Wejusthavetokeephercutelittleasssafeuntilthatpoint,andthenZeuswillsweepinandtossherinsomeivorytoweruntilthetournamentisover.”
Ifinallymove,leveragingmyselftomyfeet.Ican’tlookatthebed,thechair,thefloor.Thememoryofwhatwe’vedoneisimprintedoverallofit.Ican’tbelievethingsgotsooutofcontrol,butthisfeelsasinevitableaseverythingelsesurroundingthissituation.“Thiscan’thappenagain.Youandmeandher.”
Achilles,thebastard,laughs.“Sure.Whateveryousay.”
Hedoesn’tbelievethatanymorethanIdo.
18
Helen
Ittakesalloftwominutesintheshowerforrealitytocatchupwithme.IjusthadsexwithPatroclusandAchilles.Ileanmyforeheadagainstthecooltileoftheshowerwallandtryveryhardnottomakealiaroutofmyselfbyregrettingit.Truthbetold,Idon’tregretthesex.ItwasoutstandingandthenwhenAchillesstoppedgivingordersandjoinedin…
Ishiver.
Actually,outstandingdoesn’tbegintocoverit.
ButthefactremainsthatIjustsleptwithAchillesagain,andIdon’tlikehim.Ithink.Probably.Mostly.
Isigh.Okay,it’stimetobehonest,atleastwithmyself.ImightkeepsayingIdon’tlikethebigman,butithasn’tfeltlikethetruthsince…I’mactuallynotsurewhenthingsshiftedsomuch,butthefactremainsthattheyhave.It’snoteventhatAchillesissexyasfuck—thoughheis.It’snoteventhathesavedmelastnight.
Ican’tentirelydiscountalittleheroworshipbecauseofit,though.Themanbasicallybrokedownmydoorandfoughtmyattacker,whohadafuckingknife.Sure,Achillesisspecialforcesandmorethancapableofhandlingasingleperson,butthatisbesidethepoint.Hedidn’thavetodothat.Hecouldhaveturnedawayandleftmetomyfateandsimplifiedhislife.IfI’mgone,soarealotofcomplicationsinhisfuture.Hewouldn’tbetoblame,either,soit’snotlikemybrothercoulddoanythingaboutit.
Peopledieinthistournament.Bellerophonsaiditthemselves.Sure,thiswasn’tduringatrial,butPerseus’shandswouldbetied.Atbest,hecoulddukeitoutwithAthena,butthatwouldstillspareAchillesthefallout.Hedidn’tholdtheknife,afterall.
Hedid,however,holdmewhileItriednottofallapartintheaftermath.That’sthecruxofit,thepointwhereItippedrightoutofhatinghimandinto…somethingelse.Anyoneelsewouldhaveusedthatmomentofweaknesstomanipulateme.Helen,honey,thisjustprovesthatyoushouldn’tbeinthistournament.Youshouldgobacktoyourpenthousewhereit’ssafeandwaitforsomeoneelsetobedeclaredthewinner.Someonestronger.Someonewhowasn’thelplessinthefaceofasingleattacker.
Achillesdidn’tusemyfearasaweaponagainstme.Hebarelyusedwordsatall.Hesimplywrappedmeupinhisbigbodyandheldmeuntiltheshakingstopped.Ididn’texpectgentlenessfromhim,thoughifhe’daskedmeifIwantedahug,Iwouldhavetoldhimtofuckoff.That’sthethingaboutAchilles;heseemsmorean“easiertoaskforforgivenessthanpermission”kindofguy.HedecidedIneededtobeheld,sohepickedmeupanddepositedmeonhislap.
Heneverevenposedthequestionofmeresigningfromthetournament.HesimplytookitasfactthatIwouldn’t.ThatI’dsetmyselfonthispathandherespectedmeenoughtorespectthatchoice.Hownovel.
Nottomention,Ikindoflikebickeringwithhim.I’msousedtotheveiledinsultsthatapersondoesn’tfeeluntilminutesorhourslaterthatAchilles’sbluntcrassnessisarelief.Nomatterhowmuchhesnarls,there’snorealvenombehindthewords.
Damnit.Ilikethebigjerk.
Ipushoffthewallandduckbackbeneaththescaldingsprayofthewater.Ultimately,myfeelingsdon’tchangeanything.AchilleswantswhatIwant,whichmeansweareopposingforces.Patroclus,too,becausenomatterhowmuchhewantsme,hisheartbelongstothatbeautifulfool.Mytimewithhim—withthem—wasonlyevergoingtobetemporary.
Iknewthatgoingin.Honestly,itwasaperk.I’monlyabletogivesomuch.It’snotasifthey’llwanttokeepfuckingafterIruinAchilles’schanceofrealizinghisdream.I’llprobablyneverseethemagainoncethetournamentisover,asidefromofficialbusiness.
There’snoreasonatallforthatknowledgetostingnow
Showeringanylongerwouldtranslatetohiding,soIshutoffthewaterandtakeafewminutestodryoff,lotionup,andbraidmyhairbackfrommyface.Istareatmyselfinthemirror.IlookexactlylikeIalwayshave.Toopretty,evenwhenIattempttodownplayit,evenwhenI’mtiredandtherearefaintsmudgesbeneathmyeyes.Thefaceofawomanpeopleseeasaprize,havealwaysseenasaprize.Theyonlycareaboutthesurfaceuntilwhat’sunderneathinconveniencesthem,andthentheydropmelikeyesterday’strash.Or,worse,trytochangeme.Yeah,thisfacehasbroughtmenothingbuttrouble.
Still,it’stheonlyoneIhave.
Isigh,straightenmyspine,andwalkoutofthebathroom.ThefirstthingInoticeisthatsomeone—probablyPatroclus—changedthesheetsandmadethebed.Thememoryofwhythat’snecessaryhitsmehardenoughtomakeeverymuscleinmybodyclench.Gods,thatorgasmwasgood.Thesecondonewasevenbetter,albeitinadifferentway.Myentirebodyachesfaintlyfromwhatthethreeofusdid,andI’dbelyingifIsaidIdidn’twantmore.
Ijustcan’tbesurewhyIwantmore.TokeephidingfromtheuncomfortablerealitythatIaminovermyheadforrealthistime?OrsimplybecauseI’minlustwithtwomenImostcertainlyshouldn’tbeindulgingwith?Neitheroptionisparticularlyflattering.Bothwillbitemeintheassbeforethisisover.
Achillesisprobablymystrongestcompetitor,thoughtherestofthechampionsarenoslouches.ButhewantsAresnearlyasbadasIdo,andthatgiveshimanedgeIcan’taffordtoignore.Havingsexwithhim…Continuingtohavesexwithhim…It’samistake.
SleepingwithPatroclus,hisboyfriend,lover,partner?Whatevertheycalleachother,it’slikepokingabearwithasharpenedstick.I’mmakingthingscomplicated,andifsomehowIfailandAchillesbecomesAres,thatmeanshe’llbemyhusbandandbothofthemwillbeincloseproximitywithmefortherestofmylife.Messydoesnotevenbegintocoverit.
I’mnotsureIcare.Notenoughtostop.
Ifindthemensittingatthetablebythekitchenette.Achillesisstillwearinghisgraysweatpants,andIcan’thelpmyphysicalresponsetoseeingthemandhisbarechest.Hisbodyisunreal,andknowinghoweffectivelyheusesitforhispartners’pleasure?Ishiveralittle.Patroclushaspulledonapairofshorts,buthe’sleftoffhisshirt,too.Thismustbehowtheyalwaysareinthemornings:half-dressedandrelaxed,easingintotheirdaywithacomfortIbarelycomprehend.
AfterIgraduatedfromhighschool,thefirstthingIdidwasmoveoutofmyfather’spenthouseandintooneofmyown.LivingwithZeuswashardlyacomfortable,soothingenvironment,andmysiblingsandIalldealtwiththatindifferentways.Usuallybystartingshit.Livingalonewasahugeadjustment,andIquicklybecameterritorialenoughthatIrarelyletpeoplestaythenight.Even—especially—romanticpartners.I’mnotamorningperson,andthatmeansIhaveadifficulttimegettingmypublicpersonaintoplacebeforenoon.
TheonlytimeIletthatpracticeslipwaswhenIdatedParis,andhegavemecausetoregretit.Itonlytookafewdaysofwakinguptogetherforthecommentstostart.Initiallytheywereinnocentenough.Youlooktired,Helen.Itdidn’ttakelongtograduatetofull-oncriticism.Maybeyoushouldn’tleavethebedroomwithoutmakeup.Whatifyougetphotographedthroughthewindow?They’regoingtothinkyou’resick.ItgottothepointwhereI’dwakeupanhourbeforehimtoputmyfaceonanddomyhairsohewouldn’thaveammunitionagainstme.
Paris,ofcourse,justfoundotherwaystopickmeapartattheseams.
BestnottothinktoohardaboutthefactthatIhaven’teventhoughttokeepthatmasksecurearoundthesetwomen.Achillesisthefirstpersonoutsideoffamilywho’sexperiencedmybite,andPatroclusbringsoutsomethingunforgivablysoftinmethatI’dcompletelyforgottenexisted.More,Ihaven’twornmakeupexceptwhenwe’regoingtobeinfrontofacamera,andneitheroneofthemhasmadeasinglecomment.I’mnotcertaintheyevennoticed.
Thescentofcoffeemakesmymouthwater,soImakeabeelineforthecounter.“Ididn’trealizewehadacoffeemakerinourrooms.”I’msureIwouldhaveseenitinmineifIhadone,butI’vebeenunderstandablydistractedsincearrivinghere.
“Wedon’t.WerequestedoneafterwegotherebecauseAchillesisabearwithouthismorningcaffeine.”Patroclusholdsupamug,andIrealizehe’salreadygotoneinfrontofhim.“Creamandsugar,right?”
Ichangecourse,headingtowardthetableandacceptingthemugfromhim.Howcouldhepossiblyhavememorizedmypreferredwayofdrinkingcoffee?Hewasn’tevenintheroomwhenImadeityesterdaymorning.Iconsiderhimbutdecideit’saquestionforanotherday.Isipthecoffeeandofferareluctantsmile.“Perfect.”
“Helen…”
Thesmallpleasureofaperfectcupofcoffeefades.“Iknow.Timetotalk.”
PatroclusglancesatAchilles.Again,I’mstruckbytheintimacyofthemoment.They’veobviouslyknowneachotheralongtimebecausethey’redoingthatcouplethingwheretheyhaveanentireconversationwithoutspeaking.Iignorethestabofjealousy.It’snotthatIwantthatwitheitherofthem,butIdowantthatlevelofcomfortinarelationship.
Unfortunately,thatmeanslettingmyguarddown,andthelasttimethathappened,IendedupwithParis.
Itakeanothersipofmycoffee.Thisiswheretheyeitherletmedowngentlyortrytohard-sellmeonquitting.Theformer,I’llaccept.Thelatter?Goodluckwiththat.Itakethethirdchairatthetable.Therewereonlytwolastnight,sooneofthemmusthavebroughtthisoneinthismorning.AtinythoughtfulgesturethatIhavenobusinessfeelingemotionalover.Gods,I’mamess.
“Weshouldkeepfucking.”
Patroclusmakesachokednoiseandstartscoughing,butI’mtoobusyblinkingatAchilles.Surelyhedidn’tsaywhatIthinkhejustsaid.“What?”
“Itwasfun.Iwanttodoitagain.”Hestaresatmeasifdaringmetocontradicthim.“Youwanttodoitagain,too.”
I’dbesmarttoargue.Thesexwasmind-blowing,tosaytheleast.IwastellingthetruthwhenIsaidIcompartmentalizewell—thanks,Father—butevenIcan’tbesuremyheartwon’trevoltandgetinvolvedifIkeepsleepingwithbothofthem.MaybeIcouldholdoutagainstAchilles,but…
IglanceatPatroclus.He’samottledred,butheseemstobebreathingokaynow.“Hedidn’tdiscussthiswithyoufirst.”
“No,”hebitesout.“Hedidn’t.”
Achillesshrugsanddrinkshiscoffee.Heputsonagoodactlikehedoesn’tgiveashit,butthere’sathreadoftensioninhisshouldersthattellsmehecaresaboutthedestinationofthisconversationmorethanhewantstoadmit.“Idon’thavetotalkaboutitwithhimfirst.Patrocluswillletguiltgetinthewayofdoingwhathewants,butwhathewantsistobendyouoverthetableand—”
“That’senough,Achilles.”Patroclussetshismugdownhardenoughtosplashcoffeeontothebackofhishand.Hedoesn’tseemtonotice,though.He’stoobusyglaringathislover.“It’slikeyouneverfuckingthinkbeforeyouspeak.Wetookadvantage,and—”
That’saboutenoughofthat.
Iknowhedoesn’tmeanittosoundlikehethinksI’mweak,likeIcan’tstandupformyselformakemyowndecisions,butI’vehadtoomanypeopleignoremyownwordsbecausetheywantedtocontrolme.Idon’tthinkthere’sadropofmaliceormanipulationbehindthis,butitdoesn’tchangethefactthathe’soverridingmeaboutmyownthoughtsandfeelings.“Whydon’tyouaskme?”
Hestopsshort.“What?”
“Askme,”Irepeat.He’sbeingstubbornrightnow,andmaybeanothertimeI’llenjoyprovokinghimtogetareaction,butrightnowIhavetodrawmyownlineinthesand.Eitherhe’llrespectitandwecankeepnegotiating,orhewon’tandthisendsnow.Whenhedoesn’timmediatelyspeak,Iprod.“It’sveryeasy.Yousay‘Helen,nowthattheafterglowhaswornoff,areyoufeelinganydifferentaboutfuckingus?’Now,youtry.”
Achillessnorts,andPatroclusglares.Finally,hesays,“Helen,nowthatyou’vegotsomedistance,Iwouldliketoapologize—”
“No.”
“What?”
Ishakemyhead,holdinghisgaze.“No,youdon’tgettoapologizeandpretendlikeI’mnotanadultwithagency.Iwasnotdrunk,drugged,orotherwiseincapacitated.YoubothaskedmeseveraltimesifIwantedtocontinue,andIconsentedenthusiastically.AreyoureallygoingtotrytoarguethatI’mnotcapableofmakingmyowndecisionssimplybecauseyouwanttoflogyourselfwithguilt?”
Patroclusstaresatme,mouthagape.Achilles,theass,leansovertopressasinglefingertohisjawandcloseit.Hegrins.“It’snotoftensomeoneleaveshimspeechless.”
Iwait,butPatroclusisstillstaringlikeI’vegrownasecondhead.Ihavenobusinessfeelingdisappointmentinhisreaction.IthoughthemightbedifferentfromtheothersI’veinteractedwithallmylife,butapparentlyhe’snot.Heformedbeliefsaboutmebeforeweevenmetagainasadults,andhe’drathersticktothosebeliefsthanactuallygettoknowtherealme.
Theimpulserisestogetupandwalkaway,toretreatsomewherethatIdon’thavetonavigateotherpeople’sfeelingsforalittlewhile,butIshoveitdown.EitherIwanthimtotakemeseriously,orIdon’t.IfIdo,thenIhavetodealwiththislikeanadult,andadultsdon’tfleeconversationsjustbecausetheymakethemuncomfortable.Itryforasmile,butmyvoiceisstilltoosharptopassoffashumor.“Imean,ifyouwanttobefloggedthatbadly,I’msureIcanscroungeupsomelatexandawhip.It’snotreallymycupoftea,butI’mwillingtotryanythingonce.”
Achilleslaughsagain.“Toldyouso.”
Finally,asmalleternitylater,Patroclusliftshismugandsips.He’slookingatmelikehe’sneverseenmebefore.No,that’snotquiteright.He’slookingatmelikeIjustgavehimanewpieceofinformationtochewon,andnowhehastorealignhisassumptions.We’llseeifitsticks.
Whenhefinallyspeaks,hesoundsalmostnormal.“Yourpointistaken.”
“Thankyou.”I’vebeenaroundtheblocktoomanytimestobelievehimbasedsolelyonhiswords.EvenforsomeonelikePatroclus,wordsareeasyenoughtofake.Orthat’swhatItellmyself.Mybrainisonboardwiththeplantoleavealittledistancebetweenmeandthesemen.Mychest,though?Itgivesastrangelittlethumpthathasmepressingmypalmtomysternum.
IturntoAchillestodistractmyself.“Astoyoursuggestionthatwekeepfucking,theansweris…itdepends.”
Hegivesmethatlazysmilethathasmybodyflushingwithheatdespitemyself.Hereallyistoohandsometobereal.“What’sitdependon,princess?”
OnhowbadlyIneedtoescapethethoughtscirclingmyhead.
Exceptthat’snotentirelytrue,isit?Itmayhavestartedoutthatway,butthingsarebothmoreandlesscomplicatednow.Ilikedwhatwedidtogether.Iwanttodoitagain.Ialsorealizeit’saterribleidea,butIdoubtthatwillbeenoughtostopme.I’mnotamasochist,andthere’splentyofpleasuretobehadinmynormallife—atleastthesedays.No,there’ssomethingthatdrawsmetoboththesemen,atugdeepinsidemethatIdon’tknowhowtoquantifyordeny.
Ihaven’twornamaskwiththemsincethistournamentbegan.They’veseentherealme,wartsandall.Nomattertheirmotivationsorhowdoomedthiswholethingis,that’saheadyfeelingthatI’mnotwillingtogiveupyet.Itakeaslowbreath.“Itdependsonwhetherornotyou’regoingtostoptryingtoconvincemetoquit.”JustbecauseAchillesdidn’tcapitalizeonmybeingoff-centerlastnightdoesn’tmeanitwon’tkeepcomingup.Iknowhimwellenoughbynowtoknowhe’sjustasstubbornasIam.
“No.Nextquestion.”
Iblink.Hedidn’tevenhesitate.“Whatdoyoumean,no?”
“No.It’sasmallword,butyouprobablydon’thearitoften.”Achillesrollshisheadonhisshouldersinaslowcircle,makinghisneckpop.“You’regoingtogethurtifyoudon’tquit,andyoumightbeapaininmyass,butthatdoesn’tmeanIwanttowatchoneoftheotherchampionscrushyou.Why?”Hepinsmewithasurprisinglyshrewdlook.“AreyouwaveringsomuchinyourgoalthatyouthinkIcanchangeyourmind?”
“No,ofcoursenot.”It’sthetruth.Ifanything,I’mmoresetthanever.
“Thenwhat’stheproblem?Itdoesn’tmatterwhatIsay…ordo.”Heinjectsenoughinsinuationintothelastwordtosinkanarmada.
It’safairpoint,eventhoughIdon’twanttoadmitit.SomethingwarmandunforgivablecurlsinmychestattheeasybeliefAchilleshasinme.BoththatIwon’tchangemymindandthatIwon’tallowmyselftobeconvinced.Doesherealizewhatacomplimentthatis?More,howrareitisforthepeoplearoundme?“Fine,”Isayslowly.“ThenIguessweshouldkeepfucking.”
“Great.We’redecided.”HeturnshisattentiontoPatroclus.“Doyouwanttoargueincirclesforafewmorehours,ordoyouwanttofinishthatcoffeeandmakeHelenruinthebedsheetsagain?Thenexttrialisn’tuntiltomorrowmorning,sowehaveplentyoftimeforfunbeforeweneedtosleep.”
Patroclusshakeshisheadslowly.“Bellerophonwillbehereintenminutes.Getyourheadoutofthegutter.”
“Youknowwhattheysayaboutallworkandnoplay,Patroclus.”I’veneverseenAchilleslikethis.Thegorgeouswarrior.Theirritatingasshole.Thesexydominant.Butnevertheplayfulpuppy.It’sdisconcertingintheextreme,especiallywhenhecatchesmyeyeandwinksatme.“Lookattheprincess.Youhurtherfeelingswhenyouactedlikefuckingherwassomethingtobeguiltyabout.”
TheexasperationonPatroclus’sfaceisreally,reallyattractive.Heglancesatmeandshrugs.“Sorry,Helen.He’sbeingridiculous.”
Itisn’tevenaquestionofplayingalongwithAchilles.Isimplydoit.IgivePatroclusasexypout.“He’sright.Myfeelingsarevery,veryhurt.”
“See.”Achillesnodssagelybuthisdarkeyesaresparkingwithmirth.He’sabsolutelyirresistiblerightnow,andheknowsit.“Doyouwanttoguesswhatwouldmakeourprincessfeelbetter?”
“I’msureyou’reabouttotellme.”
“Orgasms.”
“Yes.”Inodquickly.I’mnottouchingtheourprincesswithaten-footpole.“Lotsandlotsoforgasms.”
Patroclusgivesanotherofthosesexyexasperatedsighs.“Godssaveme,nowthere’stwoofyou.”
“You’reactinglikeit’sabadthing.”I’mstillpoutingandfeelingalittleridiculousabouthowfunthisis.TheonlypeopleIplayaroundwithareHermes,Dionysus,andEros,andit’snotsexualintheleastwithanyofthem.Ididn’trealizeanythingrelatedtosexcouldbethisfun.InudgePatroclus’sbarecalfwithmyfoot.“Doubleyourpleasure,doubleyourfun.”
Achillesbarksoutalaugh.“Listentoher.Sheknowswhatshe’sabout.”
“Oh,forfuck’ssake.”AknockonthedoorhasPatroclusrising.Hepointsatus.“BehavewhilewegettothebottomoftheveryseriousattackonHelenlastnight.”Hepauses.“Ifyoumanagethat,we’llspendtherestofthedaynakedinbed.”
“Deal,”wesayatthesametime.
Ican’thelpthelightnessinmychestasIsitbackanddrinkmycoffee.Godshelpme,butI’menjoyingmytimewiththesetwofarmorethanIcouldhaveeverexpected.
19
Achilles
ThingsgosouththemomentBellerophonenterstheroom.Theytakeupanat-easestance,theirdarkgazepinnedjustabovethetopofmyhead.That’snotgood.I’veknownBellerophonforyears,andtheonlytimetheygetoverlyformaliswhenconveyingbadnews.Theyonlyconfirmmysuspicionswhentheysay,“Theattackerisnolongerwithus.”
Besideme,Helenstartles.“They’redead?”
“No.”Bellerophonshakestheirhead.“Theywerepickedupthismorningandremovedfromourfacility.Itwentupthechainofcommand,andtherewasnothingIcoulddoaboutit.Unfortunately,myteamwasn’tabletogetanswersbeforethattime.I’msorry.”
Patroclusleansforwardandbraceshisarmsonthetable.Icanalreadyseehisbigbrainkickingintogear.“Pickedupbywho?”
TheirgazeflickstoHelen,andBellerophonhesitatesforsolong,evenIalreadyguesstheanswerbeforetheyspeakandconfirmit.“ByZeushimself.Youhavetounderstand,there’snothingIcoulddoaboutit.NotevenAthenacouldstepinatthatpoint.”
“Well,that’s…something.”Helengoesabitgreen.“Theywerebeingheld…”
“Here.”Bellerophonresumesstaringovermyhead.“Thereareseveralcellsonthepropertyintheeventthatweneedtointervenewithaconfrontationbetweenchampions.WedecideditwouldbeprudenttokeeptheattackerthereuntilAthenawasabletoretrievethem.Zeuscameinstead.”
It’satokenofourhistorythattheygivetheinformationsofreely.Idoubtthey’ddothesameifanyoneelsewasaskingthequestions.“Thatmakeslogisticalsensetokeepthemhere.Whyareyouasking,Helen?”
“Noreason.”She’sgotthatlookonherface,theonethatsaysshe’sseeingthingsoutsidethisroomandthinkingdarkthoughts.Foronce,Idon’tneedPatroclustostepinandmakehisstrategicjumpstounderstandwhyshe’supset.Iftheattackerwasbeingheldhere,thenthatmeansherbrotherwasonthepropertythismorninganddidn’tbothertocomecheckonherbeforehewhiskedtheattackeraway…ensuringnoonewouldgetanyanswers.
Sometimes,whenIhangoutwithPatroclus’smoms,IgetasickfeelinginmystomachwonderingaboutwhatmylifewouldhavebeenlikeifIhadtwolovingparentsinsteadofbeingdroppedonthetemplestepstobedonatedlikeatoythatnolongerserveditspurpose.PolymeleandStheneletreatedmeasanhonorarysonfromthemomenttheymetmeasanangrylittlefuckateighteen.
IfPatroclushadbeentheoneattacked,hismomswouldhaveallbutbeatendownthedoor,wouldhavechallengedbothAthenaandZeustoensurehewasokay.Theywouldn’tcarewhotheypissedofforwhatthelong-termconsequenceswere,notuntiltheyreassuredthemselveswiththeirowneyesthattheirsonwashealthyandwhole.
ZeuswouldhavegottenareportaboutHelen’shealth;Bellerophonisarulefollowerandwouldhavewrittenitupassoonastheattackerwassecured.Evenknowingshewasn’tphysicallyharmed…Whatkindofbrotherdoesn’tevenbothertostopbyandseeher?Especiallysincehe’sabletocomeandgofromthisplacewithoutconsequences.
It’sfarmorelikelymyparents—ifthey’restillalive—havemoreincommonwithHelen’sfucked-upfamilythanwithPatroclus’smoms.EverytimeIgetareminderofit,theflickerofgratitudeissomethingIholdclose.ItstillfeelsshittytoberemindedofitwhileHelenisbeinghurtbyherfamily’scarelessness.“I’msurehehadareason,”Ifinallysay.Thewordsfeelflatandwrong.
Helendoesn’tsmile,doesn’tsomuchaslookatme.She’sholdingherselfsotightly,asifworriedshe’llshatter.Idon’tlikethatshit.Idon’tlikeitatall.“Healwaysdoes.”Shesoundstired.No,beyondtired.Shesoundsthekindofexhaustedthatcomesfromfightinganuphillbattleonatimelinenumberedinyears.
IhavethestrangestimpulsetotellherthatI’lltakeupbothswordandshieldforalittlewhile,givehertimetorest.Iwon’tsayit,though.WhothefuckamItoofferherthat?Shewouldn’ttrustit;she’stoosmartto,eveniftherearenostringsattached.
Patroclusfrowns.“Butthatdoesn’tmakeanysense.WhywouldheinterferewithAthena’sabilitytogetanswersfromtheprisonerwhenhislittlesisteristheonewhowasattacked?Weneedtoknowwhotheattackerwasworkingforandhowtheygotintothebuilding.Evenifadifferentchampionwasthetarget,itwillmakebothZeusandAthenalookweakifthisgetsout.”
“Itwon’tgetout.Notfrommeormypeople.”Bellerophonshiftsfromfoottofoot,obviouslyuncomfortablewiththisconversation.Theytendtopreferworkingbehindthesceneswheretheydon’thavetointeractwithvictimsofanysort.Helenisn’tavictim,butthisisstillashittypieceofnewstohavetoconvey.Theyfinallycleartheirthroat.“Helen,Icanputapairofguardsonyoutoensureyoursafety.”
“Thatwon’tbenecessary.”Ipushslowlytomyfeet.“Withallduerespect,Bellerophon—”
Theyrolltheireyes,relaxingforthefirsttimesincetheysteppedintotheroom.“Idon’tknowwhyyoustartlikethatwhenyou’reabouttosaysomethingdisrespectful.”
Iignorethestatementbecausethey’reright.“Theholeinyourpeople’ssecurityishowthispersongotintoHelen’sroominthefirstplace.We’lltakeitfromhere.”
“We’reAthena’speople,too.”
“Iknow.I’mnotsayinganyofyourteamisdisloyal,butuntilwehavemoreinformation,weassumeworst-casescenario.”Ishrug.“Besides,yourpeoplearegood,butwe’restillbetter.”
Patroclusmakesachokedsound.“Hedoesn’tmeanitlikethat.”
“Webothknowhemeansitexactlylikethat.”Bellerophonshakestheirhead.“IfHelenagrees,that’sfine.We’renotinthebusinessofpolicingwhatthechampionsdoinbetweentrialsaslongasnoone’sbeingthreatenedormadetobeuncomfortable.”
Helenfinallystirs.“I’mfinestayinghere.”She’sstillgotherarmswrappedaroundherselftootightly,andIdon’tlikethelookinhereyes.Sheseems…cornered.Again,thatridiculousfuckingimpulserisestotellhershehasnothingtoworryabout,thatwe’llprotecther.Wealreadyofferedtoplaybodyguard,butnotevenabodyguardcanprotectthepreciousprincessfromherownfamily.
Iwantto,though.Idon’tknowwhatthefuckI’msupposedtodowiththat
“Letmeknowifthatchanges.Thesecondtrialbeginstomorrow.Trytostayoutoftroubleuntilthen.”Bellerophonturnsandleavestheroomatapacejustshyofrunning.
IturnandcatchPatroclus’seye.Hestilllooksconfused,butIshakemyheadslightlytoindicatethatit’stimetodropthetopic.Helen’sstillbracinglikeshe’sgoingtobebashedoverthehead,andIhighlydoubttryingtofigureoutwhyherbrotherisbeingadickisgoingtohelpherfeelbetter
Iwanthertofeelbetter.
She’smine,afterall.
Iknowbetterthantosayasmuch,butsometimesinlife,IcomeacrossathingorgoalandIknowit’smeantforme.Itdoesn’tusuallyhappenwithpeople.Infact,it’sonlyeverhappenedonce.Patroclus.AfterourfirstweekinAres’sbootcamp,IknewhewasmeantformeandIwasmeantforhim,thatwe’dbepartofeachother’slivesinapermanentkindofway.
ThefeelingaboutHelenisn’tidentical,butit’ssimilar.Ididn’treallyunderstanduntilitwasthethreeofustogether,butshefitsusinawaynooneelsehasbefore.Withherinthemix,itfeelslikeitcouldmakeourpairevenbetter,somethingIdidn’tthinkpossiblebeforethistournament.
Icanbepatientwhenthegoalisworthit,andrightnowit’sworthit.IfItellHelenshe’smeantforme,she’lltakeitasmetalkingaboutAresandmarryingheragain,andit’lljustpissheroff.
Actually…That’sagreatfuckingidea.Ourprincessworksbetterwhenshe’sangryratherthansad.Ijustneedtopaintheraconvenienttargettoaimallthosemessyemotionsshe’stryingtobottledownat.She’llfeelbetteroncesheexorcizesthem.
“YouknowwhatBellerophonwastoocowardlytosay?WhatyourbrotherandAthenaarethinking?”Igivehermylaziest,mostarrogantgrin.“Youshouldquit.”
Helentensesrightoncue.Allthebrittle,fragilebitsofherdisappearbetweenoneblinkandthenext,andthescaredprincessvanishes,replacedbythefuriousharpy.Shenarrowsprettyambereyes.“Excuseme?”
“Yourbrotherisadick,andthere’sonlyonereasonhewouldn’tcomecheckonyou.”Icrossmyarmsovermychest.“Hethinksifyougetscaredenough,you’llquit.”
“Iwon’t.”
“Iknowthat.Patroclusknowsthat.Youknowthat,too.”
Sheglares.“Youobviouslyhaveabrilliantpointyou’reattemptingtogetto.Feelfreetoenlightenus.”
Ilikeherwhenshe’sprickly.It’sloadsbetterthanwhensheappearedsofragileandoutofsorts.Patroclusislookingbetweenuslikewe’vegonemad.Whenthere’saproblemtobesolved,he’smyman,butheletslogicgetinthewayofhisinstincts.Rightnow,Helen’stooemotionaltositstilllongenoughforhimtostrategizeourwayoutofthismess.Shewon’thearadamnthinghesays,andshe’lljustkeepsittingthere,lookingsmallandlostandsadtheentiretime.Onceshesnapsoutofit,she’llfeelbetter.ThensheandPatrocluscanbouncetheirbrillianceoffeachother.
Ican’tsaythat,though.Hewon’tunderstand.Hedragshishandsoverhisface.“Weneedto—”
“No,Patroclus.Achilleshassomethingtosay.Lethimsayit.”Helenstartsforme,laserspracticallyshootingfromhereyes.She’sbeyondsexywhenshe’sfurious.Noshit.Idon’tthinkit’spossibleforhertobeanythinglessthangorgeous,nomatterthecircumstances.Moreimportantly,though,isthatthelostlookonherfaceisgone
She’snotthinkingabouttheattackorhermessed-upfamilyrightnow.TheonlythingHelenisfocusedonatthemomentiscuttingmedowntosize.ImightnotbeaborderlinegeniuslikePatroclus,butIknowhowtomaneuveraroundbattlefields,andmyinteractionswithHelenareexactlythat.
Igivealazysmiledesignedtoinfuriateherfurther.“You’replayingrightintotheirhands,princess.Thisisjustanotherkindofwarfare.Thesecondtrialistomorrow.Areyoureallygoingtospendthenexttwelvehoursorsoobsessingoveryourassholebrother?”
Sheopenshermouthandpauses.Icanpracticallyseeherbrainkickingintogear.ItlooksdifferentonherthanitdoesonPatroclus,butthevibeisverysimilar.Finally,Helendragsinaroughbreathandslumpsbackintoherchair.“Youthinkthisisallamindgame.”
“Idon’tknowwhatthisis,butthere’snotadamnthingyoucandoaboutituntilthetournamentisoverandwegetoutofthishouse.”Iholdhergaze.“You’resmart.Youknowthetrialsareasmuchmentalastheyarephysical.Theycan’tmakeyouquit,buttheycanundermineyouuntilyoufail.”
Sheshakesherheadslowly,almostwonderingly.“Thegodsreallygavewithbothhandswhentheycreatedyou,didn’tthey?”
“That’swhatI’vebeentryingtotellyou,princess.”Someofthetensionbleedsoutofme.Shehasn’tlostthathauntedlookinhereyes,butitseemstheworsthaspassed.Damnwomanbouncesbackfast,doesn’tshe?Oratleastgivestheappearanceofit.Helenseemsthetypetostew—onewaywediffer—soshe’snotgoingtopouroutherhearttous.Thingswouldbesimplerifitdidn’tfeellikeshewasmine,whichmeansIwanthertoflingopenthedoorsbarringusfromherinnerthoughts.
Idragmyhandovermyface.Thisshitisstressingmeout.Ipreferredlifesimpler,whenthemostcomplicatedthingIhadtoworryaboutwasthenextmissionAthenasentusonandwhenPatrocluswouldbetoodistractedtoremembertoeat.Iknowhim,soIneverhavetowonderwhathe’sthinkingorfeeling.Allthesignsarerightthere,learnedovermorethanadecadetogether.Thingsmighthavechangedrecently,buttheyhaven’tchangedthatmuch.
Likerightnow.He’sthinkinghedoesn’tunderstandwhatthefuckjusthappened.Heglancesbetweenusandspeaksslowly,cautiously.“Achilles…isn’twrong.”
Helensmilesalittle.“Whydoyousoundsoshocked?”
“He’snotusuallysubtle,”Patroclusmurmurs.Heshakeshishead.“Howcanwehelp,Helen?”
Shepicksuphercoffeemugandstaresdownatitasifshecanfindanswersinitsdepths.PatroclusandIsharealookofperfectunderstanding.Nomatterhowmessythissituationis,we’regoingtogiveHelenwhatsheneeds.Wecan’tcontrolwhatthetrialbringsinthemorning,butatleastwecanofferherareprieveuntilthen.Itfeelsgoodtobeonthesamepagewithhimafterallthefightingandmessyemotions.Thingsaren’tresolved;theywon’tberesolveduntilthetournamentisoverandwe’venavigatedtheinevitablefallout.
Inthemeantime…
“Why?”
IlookuptofindHelenstaringatmeasifI’mapuzzleshecan’tquitefigureouttheshapeof.It’stemptingtoofferheracharmingsmileorabullshitanswer,butifIwanthertotakethisseriously—totakemeseriously—theleastIcandoisexplainmyself.Atleastinthis.“Idon’tlikethatlostlookonyourface.”
Sheblinksthosebigeyesatme.“I…No,Achilles,Imeanwhytrytomakemefeelbetter?Don’tyouwantmetoquit?”
Acomplicatedquestion.Ishrug.“I’mgoingtowinthisthingandbecomeAres.”Herlipsthin,butIkeepgoing.Sheasked.I’mgoingtoanswerhonestly.“ButIdon’tlikethatshadybullshit.They’reunderestimatingyou,anditpissesmeoff.”
“But…Why?Whydoesitpissyouoff?Idon’tunderstandwhyyou’rebeingsonicetomerightnowwhenitgoesagainstyourinterests.Itdoesn’tmakeanysense.Youhateme.”
“Helen.”Iwaitforhertolookatmefully.“Idon’thateyou.Ilikeyourcontrary,difficultass.You’restrongandsmartandambitiousasfuck.IfIwasn’tinthistournament,youcouldtakeAres.”
Patroclussnorts.“Youjusthadtothrowthatinthere,didn’tyou?”HeturnstoHelen.“Whathemeansis—”
Butshe’snotlookingatPatroclus.Foronce,herattentionisfocusedentirelyonme.“YouthinkI’mstrong.”
Hersoftwordsaren’texactlyaquestion,butIdon’tlikehowwonderinglyshesaysit.Likenoonehaseverpointeditoutbefore.“Youknowyou’restrong.Youdon’tneedmetoconfirmit.”
Helenstaresatmeforalongmomentandfinallygivesafaintsmile.“Yeah.IguessIdo.”Shestandsslowly.“Let’sgobacktobed.”
Patrocluslookslikehewantstoargue,buthejustsays,“Foodfirst.Coffeeisn’tenoughnutrition,notwiththesecondtrialtomorrow.”
“I’llgetit.”Istandandstretch.“Anyrequests?”
Sheshrugs.“Whatevertheyhaveavailable.”
Patroclusstandstoo.“I’llwalkyouout.”Hebarelywaitsuntilwe’reoutintothehalltoturnonme.“Whatthefuckwasthat?”
“Whatthefuckwaswhat?”
Hegivesmethelookthatquestiondeserves.“YouknowwhatI’mtalkingabout.Shewasreelingandyoucameatherlikeanopponent.”
“Patroclus.”Iamsuddenlytired.Sofuckingtiredofhimthinkingtheworstofme.Iwon’tpretendthatIdon’tdeserveit,especiallyafterthelastcoupledays,butwhileImightbecarelessattimes,I’mnevercruel.Notintentionally,atleast.“Shewasgoingtostartspiralingandthinkingtoohardaboutwhatadickherbrotheris.”IhavemyownthoughtsonZeus,andthatfuckerwillbeluckyifIdon’tpunchhiminhisperfectfacethefirstchanceIget.
Myangerdoesn’thaveaplaceinthisfight,though.Helenmightfeellikemine,butsheisn’tmine.Herhonorisn’tminetodefend.
Goodthingshe’smorethancapableofdefendingherselfwhenshegetsoutofherownwayandforgetstothinktoomuch.
IholdPatroclus’sgaze.“She’snotfragile.She’snotfuckingbreakable.Yeah,she’sbeenknockeddownmorethanafewtimesinthelastweek,butshejustneededtherightproddingtogetbackupandstartswingingagain.”
“Therightprodding.”Patroclusnarrowshiseyesandgivesadrylaugh.“Gods,you’reascarymotherfuckersometimes.Youknowthat,right?”
Ishrug.“KeepherdistractedwhileIgetfood.Thenwe’llfuckheruntilnoneofushavetheenergytoworryaboutshitoutsideourcontrol.”Weneedplentyofsleep,butthedayisyoungandwe’reallinthebestshapeofourlives.Noreasonnottoexpelsomepent-upenergyinthemostpleasurablewaypossible.
“Achilles.”
Istopinthemiddleofturningaway.“Yeah?”
“Sorryforthinkingtheworst.”Patroclusrunshishandoverhisshortdarkhair.“Thissituationhasmyheadallfuckedup.”
There’snotmuchIcansaytothat.Itstingsthathethoughttheworstofme,buthe’snotentirelyunjustifiedonmakingthatjump.It’safucked-upsituationandit’snotgoingtogetlessfuckedupastimegoeson.Theonlyoptionistokeeppushingforwardandthendealwiththefalloutafterthetournament.“It’sfine.Now,gotakecareofourprincesswhileIgetsomebreakfast.”
20
Patroclus
Wespendtherestofthedayinbed,breakingonlyformeals.Byunspokenagreement,noneofusspeakfurtherabouttheassassinorZeusorthetournament.AchillesandIdowhatwecantoofferthecomfortHelenwillallow,whichtranslatestoorgasms.
Thatnight,Itakesecondshift.Isitinthechairnexttothebedandwatchthemsleep.Helendidn’twakewhenweswitchedout,andAchillespassedoutinthewayhe’salwaysbeenableto—withinseconds.He’sgothisarmslungoverherwaistand,afewsecondslater,shesnugglesbackagainsthisbiggerbody.
Ipressmyhandtomychest.WhenhewinsAres,they’llsleeplikethis.Theymightsnarlandsnapateachother,butthismorningAchillesdemonstratedadeeperunderstandingofHelenthanIhave.Hegetsher,atleastonsomelevel.
Noreasonforthattomakemychestache.Myfoolishheartmightcaretoodeeplyforher,mighthavegivenitselftoAchilleslongago,butevenifitbreaksattheendofthis,atleastIhavethebittersweetcomfortofknowingthey’lltakecareofeachother.
IfAchillesisn’ttheonetoknockHelenoutofthetournament.Idon’tlikehisoddsofwinningherforgivenessanytimesoonifthathappens.Sheasmuchasadmittedthatitwouldbeimpossible.
MaybeIshouldbetheonetodoit.
Irubmychestharder.Damnit,Ican’t.Evenifitwouldhelphim,Ican’tdothattoher.Nomatterhowcomplicatedthepotentialoutcome,wecan’tgoafterher.She…trustsus.Maybenotentirely—Helenisnofool,afterall—butshetrustsuswithherbody,trustsusenoughtoatleastsharesomesmallvulnerabilities.Wecan’tturnaroundandcrushherafterthelastcoupleofdays.
Bythetimethealarmgoesoff,Istillhavenoanswers.Wegetreadyinnearsilence.Idressinmyworkoutgear;Ihavenoonetoimpress,afterall.Achillesdonsanotherofthecustomuniformswecommissionedforhim.Thisoneisinkyblackandclingstohisbody,showingoffhisimpressivemusclesandelevatinghisattractivenesstothepointwhereitalmosthurtstolookathim.
AndHelen?
Shehasonaskintightcatsuitthatlookslikesomeonespilledoildownherbody.Witheverymove,differentcolorsshineinthelowlightoftheroom.She’sbraidedherhairandpinnedituparoundherheadinanalmostcrown.Smart.Thewholedamnoutfitissosmart.Thefabricofthecatsuitwillmakeitchallengingforanyonetokeepholdofher,andherhairisnolongeraliabilitytobegrabbedinafight.Everypartofher…glitters.Hermakeupismorestarkthanlasttime,too.Shedarkenedfromhereyestonearlyhertemples,adramaticlookthat,combinedwithherblacklipstick,giveshertheimageofsomeonewhoshouldbeonthefrontlinesofsomeancientarmy,leadingherpeopleintobattle.
Helenlookslikeawarriorqueen.
Thecrowdwillbeunabletotaketheireyesoffher.More,they’llloveherforthedramaticsofitall,especiallyifshedoeswell.
“Ready?”Ifinallymanage.
“Doesn’tmatterifIam.It’stime.”
Achillesmovestothedoor.“Let’sgo.”
AchillesandIsharealookandkeepHelenbetweenusaswefileoutoftheroomandfollowtherestofthechampionsoutofthehouse.Idon’tlikethewayPariswatchesher,likeshe’saprizethat’shisforthetaking.Itmightbetechnicallytrue,butitleavesabadtasteinmymouthallthesame.
Atthearena,Ican’tstopmyselffromgrabbingHelen’shandandgivingitalightsqueeze.“Itwillbefine.”
Shesparesmeafaintsmile.“Iknow.”Shesqueezesmyhandbackbeforereleasingit.
Thenthere’snomoretimefortalkingbecausewe’rebeingusheredthroughtheconcretetunnelandoutintothemainarea.I’mstunnedbythetransformationofthearenawhenthechampionsfilethroughtheentrance.Goneistheobstaclecourse,replacedbytallwallsofvaryingheights.Theylooklikeconcrete,butthat’simpossible.Concretewouldbefartooheavytohaulinheretoformthis…
It’samaze.Itmustbe.
It’shardtofocuswiththeever-presentcheeringofthecrowd.IthinkI’llhearthatsoundinmynightmares.It’sareminderthattoomanyeyesareonme,thatthistrialwillchangethingsevenmorethanthefirst.Therearetwelvechampionsleft.
Afterthistrial,thatnumberwillbemorethanhalved.
IglanceatHelenand,ontheothersideofher,Achilles.Bothhavetheirexpressionslockeddown,butsurelytheyfeelthesametremorintheircheststhatIdo.IhaveneveroncedoubtedthatAchilleswouldwinthetitleofAres.Idon’tdoubtitnow.
Butthecost…
ThecostmightbehigherthanIcouldhavedreamed.
Directlyinfrontofusandhighabove,thelightspointattheboxseatwhereAthenaresides.She’swearingacreamsuitandisfurious.Oh,shehasitlockeddown,butI’veanswereddirectlytoherfortoolongnottoknowhermoods.She’sjustasunhappywiththewaythingsfelloutwiththewould-beassassinasweare.Moresosinceithappenedonherwatch.
Sheholdsupahandandthearenaimmediatelyfallstosilence.Athenasweepsthechampionswithasinglepiercinglook.“Thesecondtrialbeginsshortly.Youwillbepositionedatdifferentlocationswithinthemaze.Thereisonedoorleadingtotheexit,butitrequiresakey.Therearefivekeyshiddenwithinthemaze.Thereisalsoatimelimit.Youmayonlytakeonekeyifandwhenyoufindthem.Ifyouhavenotfoundakeyandthedoorexitingthemazewithinthetimeallotted,youwillbeeliminated.”
Thisiswherealliancesbegintobreakdown.Fivekeysmeanssevenpeopleeliminated.Atleast.Wehavetofindthekeysfirst,andthere’snoguaranteeallwillbediscoveredbeforethetimelimitisreached.
ItakeaslowbreathandspeaksoftlyenoughthatonlyHelenandAchillescanhearme.“It’sagoodwagerthatthekeys—oratleastafewofthem—willbeinthecenterofthemaze.”
“Findyourwayin,findyourwayout,”Achillesmuses.“Seemssimpleenough.”
Helensnorts.“Sure.Simple.Exceptfortheotherchampionstryingtodothesamething.”
Downthelineofchampions,Bellerophonapproacheswithblackhoodsintheirhands.Ah,thatmakessense.They’renotgoingtogiveusachancetopotentiallymemorizethewaythroughthemaze.Ifwe’reblindfoldedandtheytakeastrangeroute,itwillbediscombobulatingenoughthatweshouldallstartonevenground.
Atleastintheory.
BellerophoneasesthefirsthoodovertheMinotaur’sheadandtightensitabit.Thentheymovetothenextchampion.
“Therewillbefightingandthey’regoingtofightdirty.”I’mnotsayinganythingthattheydon’tknow,butIfeelcompelledallthesame.
Helenshakesherhead,herpicture-perfectsmileinplace.“SowillI.”Shelooksbetweenus.Forthefirsttimesincewegotintothevansthismorning,someoftherealwomanshowsbeneaththemask.“Stayoutofmyway.Idon’t…Look,Ilikeyoutwo.Inaperfectworld,wewouldn’tbecompetingagainsteachother,butthisisn’taperfectworldandI’mnotgoingtoletmyemotionscompromisemygoals.Sonohardfeelings,butIwillgothroughyoutogetAresifIhaveto.”
Mystomachtwistsatherwords,eveniftheyaren’tsurprising.ThefeelingonlygetsworsewhenAchillesboomsoutalaugh.“We’llseeyouontheotherside,princess.”
Hergrinisdownrightferal.“Betonit.”
ThenBellerophonisinfrontofher,slidingtheblackhoodoverherhead.Theymovetomenext.Evenknowingit’scoming,it’sstilldisorientingintheextremetohaveallsighttakenfromme.Thehoodisperfectlyblackedout,andthesoundofthecrowdfeelsparticularlyloudwithoutmysighttodistractme.
Ijoltwhenhandstouchmyshoulders.Theyguidemeforward,andevenknowingwe’remaybetwentyfeetfromthemaze,Istillcan’tgetmybearings.Itrytokeeptrackofthetwistsandturns,butit’salostcause.AndifI’mnotableto,Ihighlydoubtanyoftheothersarehavingamoresuccessfultimeofit.
Ohwell.Thisisn’toutsidetheexpectedparameters.
Thehandsonmyshoulderstugmetoastopandasoftvoiceinmyearsays,“StayherewiththehoodonuntilAthenabeginsthetrial.”
Inod,andtheyreleasemyshoulders.Withoutthetouchtoanchorme,Ifeelevenmoreoutofsorts.Thesoundisunrelenting,andwiththedarknesssocomplete,Ihavetofightagainsttheurgetoliftmyhandsdefensively.Anyonecouldbestandingjustoutofreachand…
ThecheeringgoesquietandAthena’sfamiliarcooltonefillstheemptyspace.“Thesecondtrialbeginsnow.Thetrialwillendintwohoursorwhenfivechampionshaveescapedthemaze.Goodluck.”
Idragthehoodfrommyheadandblinkintothebrightlights.Thewallsarejustashighinsidethemazeastheywereoutsideit,butIcanstillseetheuppertiersofthearenaandtheseveralofthescreensshowingthevariouschampions.It’simpossibletogatherenoughinfotobehelpful,though.Themazewallsseemtobeuniformlygray.Eventhedifferingheightsofthewalls—ranginganywherefromtentofourteenfeet,bestIcantell—onlyaddtothedisorientingfeelingofbeingunabletoguesswhichdirectiontogo.Theotherchampionscouldbeontheothersidefrommeorthenextpathover,ortheycouldbenowherenearme.Focusingonthescreenswillbemoredistractionthanasset.
ThepathI’monisrelativelystraight,onedirectionleadingdeeperintothemazeandoneappearingtoleadtowardtheperimeter.WhenIwasdoingresearchonwhatthepossibletrialscouldbe,mazeswereonthelist.Thecommonadvicetogetoutofamazeseemstobepickadirectionandfollowthatwalltotheexit.
Unfortunately,thatwon’thelpmenow.
IneedtofindakeybeforeIfindtheexit,andthatmeansheadingdeeperintothemazeratherthantowardtheperimeter.IfIknewwhatstylemazethiswas…
Ohwell.There’sonlyonewaytofindout.Itakeadeepbreathandheadintheapproximatedirectionofthecenterinaneasyjog.Fastenoughtocovergroundefficiently,butnotsofastastobecaughtunawareifIcomeuponanotherchampion.Theonlychampionsthatwillbeeliminatedaretheonesstillinthemazewhenthetimerunsout,whichmeansthesmartestwaytodealwithanyoneIcomeacrossistoincapacitatetheminsomeway.Knockingsomeoneunconsciousisn’taneasyfeat,sothatmeansgoingforthelegs.Kneesarethebestbet.
Unfortunately,theotherchampionswillbetryingtodothesametome.
Iwindmywaythroughthemaze,thepathsleadingmeawayfromandtowardthecenterinturn.Withthearenabeingthewayitis,it’simpossibletoknowifI’mmakingprogressorjustmovingfartherawayfrommygoal.
ThecrowdscreamsandIstopshort,gazeflyingtothescreensIcanseefrommycurrentposition.TheyallshowAtalanta.She’sflyingthroughthemaze,sprintingatapacethathasherlocsstreamingoutinherwake.IseewhyamomentlaterwhentheMinotaurveersaroundthecornerbehindher.
“Ohfuck,”Ibreathe.Helookslikehewantstokillher.
He’salmostonherwhensheturnsonherheel,launchingherselfagainstthewallandspinningintheairtodeliverabrutalpunchtohissquarejaw.Itknockshimbackastepintotheoppositewall.Bythetimeherecovers,she’sgone,disappearedaroundthenearestcorner.
Iwatchforseveralmoreheartbeatsbeforeit’sclearthatshegotaway,andIfeelastrangesortofrelief.We’dbebetterservedforAtalantatobeeliminatedthistrial,butthatdoesn’tmeanIwantherhurtintheprocess.Iexhaleslowlyandforcemyselftorefocus.Now’snotthetimetogetdistracted.Ineedtokeepmyeyeontheprize.
Aflashofmovementatthecornerofmyeyehasmeturning…
RightintoHector’sfist.
21
Helen
Ittakesseverallong,frustratingminutesofweavingthroughthisendlessmazebeforemybrainkicksintogear.Athenastatedtherulesatthebeginning.Findthekey.Gettothedooroutofthemaze.
Shedidn’tsayanythingabouthowwehadtogothroughthemaze.
Ieyethewalls.They’retenfeettallattheirlowestpointandmostlyuntextured,notleavinggroovesorhandholdstoclimb.ButoneofthepotentialobstaclesItrainedforwasrunningupawall.Withenoughlead-in,Imightbeabletomakeit.It’shardtotellhowwidethewallsthemselvesare,butIusedtodothebalancebeam.Theycan’tbemuchnarrowerthanthat.
Ittakesmealittlelongertofindasectionofthemazewithenoughspacetogetagoodtakeoff.Overhead,theclockticksdown,butthere’sstillplentyoftime.Ican’tseeallthescreensfromthisposition,buttheonesIcanseeshowthechampionstryingtoworktheirwaythroughtheclosepaths.
IfIdothis,they’llvideome.
Theotherswillfollowsuitquickly.Oratleastthey’lltry.They’dbefoolsnotto.Whateveradvantagebeingthefirstbringswon’tlastforlongifIdon’thurry.
Itakeadeepbreathandwipemydamppalmsonmyclothing.Ihaven’tseenanythingofAchillesorPatroclusyet,andIcan’thelpworryingaboutthem.Mylifewouldbeeasieriftheywerebotheliminatedinthisround.Ishouldbeseeingthisinblackandwhite—whathelpsmebecomethenextAresandwhatstandsinmyway.
Butifthey’reeliminated…thisstrangethingbetweenthethreeofusends
They’rethefirstpeopleI’vecomeacrosswhoseemtotrulyseeme.Spoiledbrat,yes.Pamperedprincess,mostly.Butthestrong,savvywomanbeneath,too.PatroclustreatsmelikeI’msomethingoftruevalue.Achillesjusttakesmystrengthasfact.Theybothregardmeasanequal.
It’saheadything.MaybeI’mafool,butI’mnotreadytogiveitupyet.
There’snotimetomullitovernow.Itdoesn’tmatterwhattheclockoverheadsays;ifIdon’treachoneofthosekeysfirst,Iwon’tmakeittothenextround.Ihaven’tcomethisfartofail.
Isprintatthewall.Itfeelsabitlikerunningforthevaultingymnastics,exceptthevaultisaten-foot-tallwallandIgetaquarterofthedistancetopickupspeed.Itakeonelaststepandlaunchmyselfatthewall.Up,up,up.Myfingertipsbarelybrushthetop.IcurseasIdropbacktothegroundandnearlylandonmyass.“Fuck.”
ThemoretimesIattemptthis,themoreenergyandtimeI’mwasting,neitherofwhichIcanafford.MaybeIshouldtrysomethingelse…Ishakemyheadhard.No.Thisisthebestoption.I’veneverletalittlethinglikefailingoncegetinthewayofmygoals,andI’mnotabouttostartnow.
Iretracemystepsbackdownthepathandinhaleslowly.I’llmakeitthistime.Ihaveto.MyfingershitthetopofthewallandIconcentrateonfirmingthemupsoIdon’tfallbacktotheground.Ithurts.Gods,ithurts.ButImusclepastthepainandpullmyselfupuntilIcanloopmylegoverthetopofthewallanddragmybodytherestofthewayup.Atthetop,it’saboutwhatIexpected.Sixinches.Plentyofspace.Ifnotforthedifferingwallheights,Iwouldn’tevenbothertakingoffmyshoes.Asitis,itwillbeslowgoing,butIhavetheadvantageofbeingabletoseemypathclearerthantheotherchampions.
Aroundme,thesuddenroarofthecrowdfeelslikeanalmostphysicalthingpressingagainstmyskin.It’shardtopushitaway,tonotletitaffectme.Iforcemyselftotakeamomentandsurveythemaze.It’satwistymotherfucker,thepathwayswindingbackandforthwithoutanyapparentrhymeorreason.Iturncarefullyandthereitis.
Thecenter.
Icanfollowthepathwiththeforesightofseeingthewaythrough…orIcantakeashortcut.
Themazepathsareaboutfivefeetapart.NotaninsignificantdistancebutnotsofarthatIcan’teasilyjumpit.Thecenterisrightthere.Maybefiftyfeetaway.Icangetthere,getthekey,andtakethesamepathbacktotheperimetertofindthedoor.Thewallsmightbedifferentheights,butitlookslikeifIcangetuptothehighersectionnexttome,Ihaveaclearshottothecenter.
Againstthesecompetitors,Ican’taffordtobecautious.
More,I’mbettersuitedthananyonetoaccomplishthiswithmygymnasticsbackground.Fivefeetisnothingtocross,andthesix-inchtopofthewallsmightaswellbeflatground.Icandothis.
ThescreensshiftabovemeandItakethreesecondstowatchoneoftheotherchampionstrytorunupthewall.He’squiteabittallerthanmeandmanagestohaulhimselfup,butwhenhetriestogethislegover,somethinggoeswrong.IwinceashefallsbacktothegroundwithadullthudIcanalmostfeel,evenifIcan’thearitovertheroarofthecrowd.“MaybeI’mtheonlyonewhocandothis,”Imurmur.
There’snomoretimetowaste.Ileaptothenextwallandthenusemymomentumtoleaptothethird.Againandagain,flyingoverthetopofthemaze.Ivaguelyregisterthatmanyofthescreensareshowingmenow,whichmeansIhavetohurry.EvenifnooneelsecansuccessfullyscalethewallsandusethemthewayIam—whichisabigif—theywillallknowmylocation.Imightaswellhavepaintedatargetonmyback.
Thecenterofthemazeisn’tparticularlylarge,maybeatwelve-by-twelvespace.Inthecenterisasteelbeamcraftedtolooklikeatreewithfivebranchesstickingout.Oneachdanglesaskeletonkey.
Thecenterofthemazealsocontainsanotherchampion.Theseus.
Hehasn’tseenmeyet,buthewillassoonasheturnsaround.Idon’tneedtotakehimout.Ijustneedhimtostaydownlongenoughformetogetakeyandflee.IcanclimbanotherwallfurtherintothemazeonceI’malone.Idon’tstoptothinkofallthewaysthiscouldgowrong.Ithrowmyselfathim,usingmymomentumandahealthydoseofgravitytodrivehimintothegroundbeforehecanreachthetree.
Theimpactjarsmedowntomybones.He’sabigguy,butjumpingdowntenfeethardlymakesforasoftlanding.Can’tstop.Doesn’tmatterhowmuchithurts.Keepgoing.Ishoveoffhisbackandstaggertomyfeet.Thetreeisonlyafewfeetaway,butIbarelymakeitastepbeforehegrabsmyankleandyanksmedown.
Thistime,whenIhittheground,itknocksthebreathfrommylungs.Idon’tletthatstopme,though.NotwithTheseuscrawlingupmybody.Ifhepinsme,hemightactuallykillme.He’lldefinitelyincapacitatemetoensureIdon’tpassthistrial.
Fuckthat.
Ibendatthewaist,sittingupandputtingasmuchstrengthasIcanbehindmyfistwhenIpunchhiminhisface.It’sbarelyenoughtostunhim,butImanagetowiggleafewinchesawaybeforeherecoversandtightenshisgriponmyleg.Hedragsmehalfunderhisbodywithaharshyank.Mybodysuitmighthavebeendesignedtobehardtohold,butitdoesn’tmatterwhenhecanwrapmostofhishandaroundmythigh.
Panictakeshold.IamsofuckingclosetowhatIwant,andthismanthreatenstostandinmyway.“Letgo.”Iaimanotherpunchathisface.
Hejustgruntsinresponseandreleasesmythighlongenoughtohammerablowtomyquad.Painmakesmelight-headed,butIwillnotbestopped.Notnow.Notbythisman.
“You’refightingalosingbattle.”Theseusmakesasoundperilouslyclosetoasnarlandrearsback.“You’rejustapamperedlittledaddy’sgirlplayingpretendwarrior.Youwon’twin.”
Ican’tfliphim.He’stoodamnbigandI’mnotintherightpositionforit.“Watchme.”Igrabafistfulofhisdark-redhairandjabmyfingersintohiseyes.
Theseushowlsandflinchesback.It’senoughformetoscrambleoutfrombeneathhim.MyinjuredthighthreatenstobucklewhenIstand,butIgrabakeyanddrapethelanyardovermyneck.Eachstephurts,butIdon’thavetimetoworryaboutthatnow.
IturnintimetoseeTheseusplantahandonthegroundandstaggertohisfeet.Heteetersalmostasifhe’llfallbutmanagestostabilize.Damnit.Hiseyesareredandwatering,buthemustbeabletoseeokaybecausehenarrowsthematme.Hecurses.“You’llpayforthat.”
“GetoutofmywayorI’llhurtyouforreal.”Therearetwoentrancestothecenterofthemaze,buthe’sstandinginfrontoftheonethatleadswhereIneedtogo.IfItaketheother,I’llhavetoworkmywayaroundthecenteragain,andthat’soutofthequestion.IknowmybodywellenoughtoknowI’monatimerwiththisthigh.Ihavetogetoutofherebeforeadrenalinecrashesanditgivesoutentirely.
Theseusshakeshisheadlikeabullabouttocharge.“YouKasiosesrepresenteverythingwrongwiththisviper’snestofacity.You’renotmakingitpastthistrial.”
Thewordssendashiveroftruefearthroughme.I’dconsideredanddiscardedthenotionthatTheseusandhispeoplemightbeheretoattemptacoupontheThirteenand,byextension,Olympus.ApparentlyIwasrightthefirsttime.TheytrulyarehereforOlympus.“Youcan’twin.EvenifyoutakeAres,youcan’twin.”
“I’mnottheoneyouhavetoworryabout.”Hechargesme.
Idodgeatthelastminute,duckingunderhisgraspandtotheside.Theseusclangsintothetreeandstaggersbackastep,butI’malreadymoving.Idriveakickintohiskneeatanangle,usingallmystrength.Itgiveswithastomach-turningpopandhelurchestotheside,collapsingtotheground.
Adark,sickeningdesirerisesinsideme,anurgetostomponthatkneeafewmoretimesandensurehe’strulydown.ButIresist.Itmightprotectmefromthisman,butitwon’tactuallybenefitmeinthelongrun.ThelongerIstayhere,thehigherthechanceofsomeoneelsecomingin.
IcurseandskirtaroundTheseus.He’smoaningandcursingmyname,buthemakesnomovetoriseagain.Idon’tthinkhecan.Goodenough.
Mylegachessomethingfierce.It’snowornever.Itakeashudderingbreathandbreakintoasprint.Eachstepthreatenstobucklemyinjuredthigh,butImanagetoscrambleupthewallonthefirstshot.Ittakeslongerthistimetohaulmybodyuptothetop,andbythetimeIfindmybalance,I’mpanting.
NextishaulingmyselfuptwomoresectionstothetallestbitIcaneasilyaccess.I’llneedtheheighttoplotmywaytotheexit.Thisiseasier,mybalancesurer,butI’mstilloverlycautiouswithmyleg.Afallfromtenfeetwouldhurtlikeamotherfucker.Afallfromfifteen?
Bestnottoriskit.
IlookupatthescreensintimetowatchAtalantanearlyknocktheMinotauroutwithonewell-placedpunch.Imanageatiredgrin.“Nice.”Idon’tlookforwardtofacingherinthefinalchallengeifitcomestothat,butfromourlimitedinteractions,Ilikeherquiteabit.
ThenIrefocusandsurveythetopofthemaze.Nooneelsehasjoinedmeuphereyet,butIcan’ttakeforgrantedthatthereisn’tsomeoneelseamongthechampionswho’scapableofit.Ihavetogetmoving.Unfortunately,Idon’tthinkI’mgoingtobeabletojumpfromwalltowallthewayIdidbefore.Ifmyleggivesout,afallwilldomoredamagethanTheseusdid.
Itwistalittle,searchingforthedoortotheexit.It’snearthearchwaywecamein,whichisinfrontofmeandtotheright.ItrytocontrolmyrapidbreathingasImapapaththere.Itwilltakemoretime,butIhaveakeyandIjustneedtoavoidtheotherchampions.Ishouldbeabletodoit.
Theroarofthecrowdchanges.Ithoughtitwasintensebefore,butit’snothingcomparedtothesoundthatshakesthearenanow.It’sbloodthirsty.IturnintimetoseethescreensswitchtoPatroclusandHectorfighting.
IgaspasHectordeliversadevastatingpunchtoPatroclus’sstomach.Fromthelookofthem,they’vebeenfightingforsometime.Bothsportbloodiedknucklesandtheirhandsomefacesarebrokenandbruised,almostunrecognizable.Bothweaveontheirfeetastheycircleeachother.
They’reinthebestshapeoftheirlives,butHectormovesmorelikeAchilles…asifoninstinct.IcanpracticallyseePatroclus’sbraintryingtomapouthisnextstrike,tryingtoanticipatehisopponent.Itwouldworkonanyoneelse,butnotHector.He’stooquick.I’veneverseenhimfight,butheworkedunderAresforyearsbeforetransferringtoApollo.Apparentlyhistimebehindadeskhaven’tsoftenedhimatall.
Patroclusisgoingtolose.
Myheartlodgesitselfinmythroat.Iscanthemazetotrytofigureoutwheretheyare.Idon’tknowifIcanhelp,butIhavetotry.Idon’tthinkHectorwouldpermanentlyharmPatroclus;atleast,hewouldn’tdoitonpurpose.Butaccidentshappen,especiallyinfights,especiallywhenthestakesaresohigh.
There.
Theyaren’tfar.Icouldreachtheminjustafewminutes…butitmeansgoingintheoppositedirectionoftheexit.IfPatroclusisnomatchforHector,I’mcertainlynot,either.Helpinghimmightverywellmeansacrificingmychancetopassthesecondtrial.
HectorlandsapunchthatsnapsPatroclus’sheadback.Hebarelystaysonhisfeet.“No!”
Afrustratedroar,heardevenoverthecrowd,hasmeturningtofindAchilleschargingdownthepath.Inthewrongdirection.
Idon’tstoptothink.Ijustscream.“Achilles!”
Somehowhehearsme.Heslamstoastopandlooksup.Ipointintheoppositedirection.“He’sthere!”Aquicklookisenoughtomaphiscourse.“Tworights.Left.Right.Threelefts.”
Henodsandthenhe’soff,flawlesslyfollowingmyinstructions.Withinseconds,hecareensaroundthecornernearestthefightandtakesHectordowninaflyingleap.Helooksasfreshaswhenweenteredthemaze,andIexhaleshakily.Itwillbefine.AchilleswilltakecareofPatroclus.Hewon’tlethisloverbekilled.
Thankthegods.
Iforcemyselftotearmygazefromthefight.Theywillbeokay.Ihavetoworryaboutmyselfrightnow.There’snothingelseIcandotohelp,nothingtheyneedmyhelpfor.Withonelastglanceatthescreens,Ileveragemyselftomyfeetandstartmakingmywindingwaytowardtheexit.
Mylegholds,whichisabitofamiracle,buteachstepisagony.IcatchsightoftheMinotaurlumberingthroughthemazeafewpathsover.HelooksupasImovepast,narrowinghiseyes.Itense,buthesimplyturnsaway,headingforthelastfewturnsbetweenhimandthecenterofthemaze.
Istoponthewallacrossfromthedoorandeasedowntodroptothefloor.MylegfinallybucklesandIlandonmyass.“Ouch.”
“Impressive.”
IlookuptofindAtalantastandingoverme,agrinonherscarredface.Inherhand,sheholdsakey.Iofferbackatiredgrinofmyown.“Rightbackatyou.”
Sheopenshermouth,buthereyesrollbackinherheadandsheslumpstotheground.BehindherstandsParis.Heshakeshishead.“Poorthing.Sheneversawmecoming.”
Iflinch,mybodyreactingbeforemymindfullyprocessesthatParishasknockedAtalantaout.Foramoment,somethingdarkflickersacrosshisfaceandIcanpracticallyseehimweighingthechancetokickmewhileI’mdown—maybeliterally—andhisdesiretomaintainhisimageasthecharmingplayboythatOlympusbelieveshimtobe.
HeshakeshisheadslowlyandleansdowntosnagthekeyfromAtalanta’slimphand.“Climbingthewalls,huh?Iknewyoucouldn’thavegottenthisfarwithoutcheating.You’retakingthatkeyfromsomeonewhotrulydeservesit.Pathetic.”Paristurnsandwalkstothedoor.Heinsertsthekey,opensit,anddisappearsthrough.
Istareforabeat,two,three.Ididn’tcheat.Iwentaboutsolvingtheproblembynontraditionalmethods,butthatdoesn’tmakemeweak.Theironyofhimaccusingmeoftakingakeyfromsomeonewhodeservesit…Ishakemyheadhard.Damnit,I’mlettinghimmesswithmymindagain.IscrambletoAtalanta’ssideandeaseherontoherback.
She’sbreathingevenly,andherdarkeyesflutteropen.“Motherfucker.”
Reliefmakesmealittledizzy.She’sokay.Orshewillbe.“I’msorry.”Ican’tstayhere,can’trisksufferingthesamefateifsomeonedecidestotakeapageoutofParis’shandbook.Isqueezehershoulderandpushawayfromher.“I’msosorry,Ihavetogo.”
Theonlythingthatmattersisgettingthroughthatdoorandpassingthesecondtrial.
Iusethewalltoleveragemyselftomyfeetandstaggertothedoor.Ittakestwotriestoinsertthekeyintothelockandtwist.ItswingssoundlesslyopenandIstepthroughandoutofthemaze.
Isthecheeringofthecrowdlouder?Ican’tbesure,butIstraightenmyspineandworktokeepthelimpoutofmywalkasmuchaspossible.Bellerophonstandsjusttothesideofthedoor,anunreadableexpressionontheirface.Theymotiontoabenchthatwasn’ttherewhenwestartedthistrial.“Waitthere,please.”
InodandwalktositontheoppositesideofthebenchfromParis.Icanfeelhisgazeonme,butIrefusetolookover.Instead,Ipinmyattentiontothescreensoverhead.Theyshowthevariouschampions.Severaloftheothersareontheground,havingsufferedvariousbodilyinjuries.Theseusisstillinthecenterofthemaze,leaningagainstthewallandcradlinghisknee.Idon’tseeHectorortheMinotaur.
AchillesishalfcarryingPatroclus,wholookswoundedbut—thankthegods—okay.
IfightnottoreactasIwatchtheirslowprogress,heartinmythroat.We’reoverhalfwaythroughthetimeallotted.Theyhavetohurryupiftheywanttopassthetrial.Ipressmyhandshardtomythighs,fightingtokeepmyexpressioneven.WillAchillesleavePatroclusbehind?Willeitherofthemmakeit?
Comeon.Youcandoit.Hurry.
22
Achilles
“Leaveme.”
“Stopsayingthat,”Igrowl.“We’regettingoutofthistogether.”Earlier,Iaccidentallyfoundthedooroutofthemaze,soI’vegotthepathbackmemorized.Wejustneedtofindthefuckingcenter,getthekeys,andgetthefuckoutofhere.IgingerlyadjustmygriparoundPatroclus’swaist.“Didhegetyourribs?”
“No.”He’sleaningtooheavilyonme,andIcan’ttellifhe’slyingorifHectorjustknockedhimforalooptothepointwherehe’swoozy.He’sgotasplitlipandI’mprettysurehisankleisroyallyfucked.There’salsoabruisedarkeningoneofhischeekbones,andhisglasseswereshatteredonthegroundwhenIfoundhimandHectorfighting.
Bestnottothinkaboutthattooclosely.
IcouldtellataglancethatPatrocluswouldlose.AndthenHectorhithimwithanuppercutthatsnappedhisheadbackandhecollapsedlikeapuppetwithitsstringscut.Afterthat,Istoppedthinkingentirely.MyonlygoalwastoknockHectorthefuckoutandprotectthemanIlove.Idon’tgiveafuckthatHectorhashisreasonsforbeinghere
Hedoesn’twantAres.HejustwantstopavethewayforhisshitstainofalittlebrothertobeAres,andhe’swillingtosteponPatroclustogetthere.IfHelenhadn’tbeenonthewallsandabletoguideme…Idon’tliketothinkwhatmighthavehappened.“Fuckthat.”
Overhead,thescreenschangeandthecrowdgoeswild.IlookupintimetoseePariswalkoutofthemaze.Theassholelooksregalasfuckinroyalblue.Hedoesn’tappeartohaveevenworkedupasweat.Bastard.
RightonhisheelscomesHelen.
She’slimpingandsmiling,butIcantellshe’sfurious.It’scarefullyhiddeninherambereyesassheturnsandgivesawavetothecrowd.Partofmehadhopedshe’dbeeliminatedinthistrialforsimplicity’ssake,butIcan’tstoptheflareofpurepride.Shemadeitthrough,andshediditinacleverway,too.“That’sourgirl.”
“Achilles.”Patroclus’swordsarealittleslurred,andIcan’ttellifit’sbecausehehithisheadorhisbustedlip.“I’mslowingyoudown.Thereareonlythreekeysleft.Leaveme.”
“Shutup.”Ihaulhimaroundanothercornerandanother.We’reclosetothecenter.I’msureofit.Thismazeisn’tsobadwhenyou’renavigatingfromtheentrancetothecenter.Sureenough,thenextrightturnopensupintothecenterofthemaze.There’saweirdmetaltree-likestructureinthemiddleofitandtwokeyshangingfrombranches.“Onlytwoleft.”
ThecenteralsoholdTheseus.IsawaglimpseofhisfightwithHelen.Shekickedhisass.Or,rather,hisknee.Heleansagainstawallwithhiseyesclosedandhisskingonewaxywithpain.Belowthebottomofhisblackshorts,hiskneeisgrotesquelyswollenandturninganuglyshadeofpurple.Atbest,shedislocatedit.Atworst,sheshatteredsomethingimportant.
Goodgirl.
He’soutofthetournamentwithaninjurylikethatevenifhe’dsomehowmanagedtogetakey.Still,Iguideusawayfromhim.Noreasontotemptthebastardintoattemptingtoattack.Ilookup.There’sthirtyminutesleftinthetrial.Plentyoftimeaslongaswedon’trunintotrouble.Butonlyifwedon’tlinger.IgraboneofthekeysanddrapethelanyardoverPatroclus’sneck.Thesecondonegoesaroundmine
“Achilles.”Patroclusgripsmyshirtandgivesmeaweakshake.“Stopbeingstubborn.”
“I’mnottheonebeingstubborn.Stoptellingmetoleaveyou.”
Heglares,someofthestrengthcomingbackintohisbody.“You’rebeingridiculous.I’mnotgoingtobeAres.IwasnevergoingtobeAres.Iwasonlyeverhereforsupport,andyoudidn’tevenneedme.”Heshakeshisheadandwinces.“Leavemebehind.It’swhat’sbestforyou.”
Truefearflickerstolife.Iknowhe’stalkingaboutthistrialspecifically,butIdon’tgiveafuck.Ican’tshakethepotentialfuturewherehetellsmethatforreal.HeactslikeI’msomeshootingstarandhe’sjustalongfortheride,thatI’mtheambitiousonedragginghimalongatmyside.Asifhe’snotafullpartner.AsifeventuallyI’llleavehimbehindforgood.Asifchoosingtostopstrivingalongsidemeisn’tafuckingchoiceonitsown.
Igrabhisshoulders.Toohard.I’mholdinghimtoofuckingharshly.“Listentome,Patroclus.Iamneverleavingyoubehind.Notinthisfuckingtrial.Notinlife.Stopactinglikeafuckingmartyr.”
Heflinches.“It’snotbeingamartyrifit’sthetruth.”
We’retalkingaboutthetrialandnottalkingaboutthetrialatthesametime.Iglare.“Areyoudonewithme?”
“What?”
“Youheardme.Areyoudonewithme?”Ican’thelpholdingmybreath,evenasadrenalinefloodsmysystem.
Heblinksandthenblinksagain.“No.Ican’t…Iwon’tbetheonetowalkaway.”
Reliefmakesmealittlelight-headed,butwedon’thavetimetogetintoitproperly.Nothere.Notlikethis.“Thenshutthefuckupandholdon.”Idipdownandyankhimovermyshouldersinafireman’scarry.Hecursesandsputters,butit’smoreoutofoutragethanpain.
IkeepaneyeoutasIretracemypathtowardtheentrance.AtalantaandtheMinotaurarestillinthemazesomewhere.Therearenokeysleft,whichmeansoneofthemhavethefinalkey…assumingtheycanreachtheexit.
Patrocluscursesmethewholetime,butatleasthestopstellingmetoleavehim.I’mbreathinghardbythetimeIturnthecornerandseethedoor.Theclockoverheadreadstenminutes.Cuttingittooclose,butwedidit.
IcarefullysetPatroclusonhisfeet.“Yougofirst.”
Hedoesn’targue.Heweaveshiswaytothedoorandinsertsthekey.Thecrowdgoeswildashestumblesthrough.Ifollowquickly.ThemomentIstepoutofthemaze,itfeelslikesettingdownamassiveweightI’vebeencarryingforthelasttwohours.Iknewwe’dgetthrough.Iknewit.
ButthereweremomentswhenIdoubted.
PatroclusandIheadforthebenchandIseeHelen.AfurrowofconcernappearsbetweenherbrowsasshewatchesPatrocluslimptowardher.Shetenseslikeshe’sgoingtoleaptoherfeet,butIduckunderPatroclus’sarmandkeephimmoving.“Igotit,princess.”
“Areyouokay?”shemurmurs.Forasecond,Ithinkshe’stalkingtohim,butwhenIlookdown,herambereyesareonme.“Ididn’tseeyouonthescreensmostofthetimeIwasinthere.”
“Justcallitanticlimactic.Ididn’tseeanyoneuntilHector.”Mystomachtwistsatthememory.I’mnotonetolingeronthings,butIwon’tgettheimageofthatlasthitoutofmyheadanytimesoon.EventhoughIknewitwouldtakemorethananastyuppercuttotakePatroclusoutinanypermanentway,seeinghimfalltothegroundwasthestuffofnightmares.Iswallowhard.“I’m…I’mgood.”
IguidePatroclustothespotnexttoher,andmychestwarmsatthewaysheimmediatelytakeshishand.Patroclusshakeshishead.“Stopstaringatmelikethat.I’mfine.”
“Yeah,well,youlooklikeshit.”Shesaysitalmostfondly,thoughherexpressionisworried.
IsinkontothebenchontheothersideofPatroclusandheleansonme.Worryeatsawayatme.Wecan’tgetPatrocluslookedatuntilthetrialisover.Thelastminutesseemtotakedecades
Withfiveminutestospare,theMinotaurcomesaroundthecornertowardtheexit.Thelastkeyisonitslanyardaroundhisthickneck,andhe’sgothisheaddownashechargesforward.It’stheonlyreasonhedoesn’tseeAtalantauntilshe’sontopofhim.
IholdmybreathasIwatchhersweephislegsoutfrombeneathhim.She’sgood,reallygood,butshe’snotquitesteadyonherfeetdespiteherobvioustraining.Thathastobewhyshe’snotabletodancebackfastenoughwhentheMinotaurlashesoutandyanksheroffherfeet.
“Parisknockedherout,”Helenmurmurs.Shewatchesthescreenwithworriedeyes.“Ifshegetshitintheheadagain…”
Nothinggood.
Onthescreens,AtalantaperchesontheMinotaur’sbroadchestandhammershimwithelbowstrikes.Iwince.Thatshithastohurt,buthe’sgothisarmsoverhisheadandheseemstobewaitingherout.Hisopportunitycomeswhensheshiftstoreachforthekey.
TheMinotaurslamshiselbowintoherside.Theforceoftheblowknocksheroffhimandshelandsagainstthefarwallandclutchesherstomach.Hebrokearibthere.Maybemorethanone.
Itenseasheclimbstohisfeet.Ifhegoesafterhernow,there’snotadamnthingIcandoaboutit.Foralong,pregnantpause,Icanalmostseehimconsideringhurtingherseriously.Thenheturnsandlumberstotheexit.
Secondslater,hethrowsopenthedoorandstalksout.OneofhiseyesisalmostentirelyswollenshutfromwhereAtalantapunchedhim,butheseemsotherwisefine.Isupposeitwastoomuchtoaskforhimtohavesomemoreinjuriestofuckhimupforthenexttrial.
ThecrowdgoesquietasthespotlightaimsatAthena.“Thesecondtrialisover.”Shegivesaslowsmile.“Congratulationstoourchampionswhoaremovingontothethirdandfinaltrial.Achilles,Patroclus,theMinotaur,Helen,andParis.”
Thearenagoeswild.Icanfeelthecheeringthoughthesolesofmyshoes,vibratingrightdowntomybones.EventhoughIwantnothingmorethantogetthefuckoutofhereandgetadoctortolookatPatroclus,Igrinandwave.Ontheothersideofhim,Helenisdoingthesame.
Ihatemyselfalittlebitinthatmoment.
WhythefuckamIplayingthegamewhenoneofthepeopleIcaremostaboutintheworldissoinjured,hecan’tsitupentirelyonhisown?Itsayssomethingaboutmeandmygoals,andit’saprettyshittystatement.
Butwithhowfarwe’vecome,howhardwe’vefoughttobehere…
Ican’tgiveitup.It’snotinmynature.Iwillfighttothebitterend,andtheonlythingIcandoishopethatthecostisn’thigherthanIcanpay.Itneveroccurredtomethatthatwasevenanoptionbeforethispoint.Now?NowI’mnotsosure.
Thingsmovequicklyafterthat.
Bellerophonandtheirpeopleusherusoutofthearena.Therearefewenoughchampionsthatweallfitinonevan.IkeepPatroclusbetweenmeandHelen.Idon’tlikethewaytheothertwomenkeeplookingathim—atus.
Parisleansbackagainsthisseatandsmirks.“Cutelittlethingyouthreehavegoing.Don’tyougettired,Achilles?”Istarestonilyathim,butapparentlyhedoesn’tneedaresponse.“Youknow,fromcarryingbothHelenandPatroclusonyourback?”
IsenseHelengoingtense,butIdon’tlookoverasIrespond.“Itmustbeexhaustingforyou,Paris.”
Henarrowshiseyes.“Whatmustbe?”
“Thementalgymnasticsyougothroughtopretendlikeyou’rebetterthaneveryone.”Ishakemyhead.“You’reasneakylittleshitandthat’stheonlyreasonyoumadeitthroughthistrial.Don’tthinkIdidn’tseethewayyouattackedAtalantafrombehind.It’stheonlychanceyouhadtobeather,becauseyousureasfuckwouldn’thavedoneitinafairfight.Anyoneinthisvancouldtakeyou,includingPatrocluswithhiscurrentinjuries.Soshutthefuckup.”
Paris’sskingoesamottledredbuthistoneisstillfullofthatsameinfuriatingcharmwhenhespeaks.“It’scutehowyou’resuckinguptoHelenlikethis.”Heleansforwardalittle,crueltyalightinginhiseyes.“Youdon’thavetoworksohard.Justcallheradirtylittleslutandshe’llbeonherbackwithherlegsspreadforyou.”
Furyhasmelurchingforward,butPatroclus’shandonmycheststopsme.Hisvoiceislowbutvicious.“Spokenlikeamanwhohadsomethingpricelessandfuckeditup.”
IglanceoveratHelen,butshe’sstaringoutthewindow.Iwouldhavethoughtshe’dgoforParis’sthroatforacommentlikethat.It’snotasifshe’ssubtlewhenshe’sfurious,andsheslappedmeforless.Instead,hershouldersarecurledinonherselfandherbodylanguageistenseandbrittle.
Thisisn’tthefirsttimehe’ssaidshitlikethistoher.
Idon’treallygiveafuckwhatpeoplethinkofmeoutsideofaselectfew,butI’veseenhowPatrocluswillsometimesletcommentspingaroundinsidehisbigbrainuntiltheymuddlethetruthandeathimupfromtheinside.Itdoesn’thappenasoftennowasitdidinourteensandearlytwenties,butthishasthefeelofthat.
HelenlovedParis.Idon’tunderstandit,butI’msureofitnow.Shelovedhimandlethimin,andshemightaswellhavecuddledupwithacobra,becauseheusedthatclosenessagainsther
Iturnbacktohim.I’mnolongerindangerofattackinghim,butmyangerisnoless.Ismileslowly.“I’mgoingtoenjoybeatingyourfaceinduringthenextchallenge.NoHectortoprotectyouthistime,Paris.”
Heshrugs.“We’llsee,won’twe?”
“Yes.Wewill.”
TheMinotaursnorts.“Youfourwithyourpettylittlesquabbles.Itexhaustsme.”
“Thenstoplistening,”Isnap.“Noonewastalkingtoyou.”
Thevanslowstoastop.Parisbarelywaitsforthedoortoopenbeforehe’schargingoutofthevehicle.TheMinotaurfollows,butatamorereasonablepace.IhalfexpectHelentoleave,too,butsheturnstous.HerexpressionislockeddowninawayIdon’tlike.“I’llhelpyouwithPatroclus.”
NeitherofuscommentthatIcancarryhimwithoutmuchtrouble.SheobviouslyneedssomethingtooccupyherafterParisbeingsuchashit,andifPatroclusisfinewithit,soamI.Wecarefullyeasehimoutofthevan,andHelentucksherselfunderhisarm.She’sshortenoughthathedoesn’thavetoraisehisarmovermuch,andshedoesn’tsomuchasweaveathisweight.She’sdeceptivelystrongforhersize,butthat’snothingnew.
Bellerophonmeetsusthere.Theysweepalookoverourtrio.“ThedoctorwillmeetyouinPatroclus’srooms.”
“Perfect.”Helenstartsforthedoor.
BellerophonandIwatchforamoment.Theyspeaksoftly.“Hewouldhaveseenadoctorevenifyoudidn’tcarryhimoutofthemazeonyourback.Heprobablywouldhaveseenonesooner.”
“Iknow.”Ido.ButIcouldn’tleavehimbehind,evenifitmeanshe’seliminatedfirstinthenexttrial.Idon’thaveitinme.
Bellerophonclapsmeontheshoulder.“Well,congratsonmakingittothethirdtrial.Youallbuthaveitinthebag.”
Imanageaslightsmile,thoughI’mstilltrackingHelenandPatroclusastheyreachthedoor.She’slimpingalittle,andIdon’tthinkit’sbecausehe’sleaningonher.Damnthewoman.Sheshouldhavesaidsomethingifshewasinjured,too.Istartforthefrontdoor.“CongratulatemewhenI’mnamedAres.”
“Inevergetoverhowconfidentyouare.I’lldothat.”Theychuckle.“Nexttrialisintwodays.Beready.”
“Iwill,”Icallovermyshoulder.IcatchuptomypairquicklyandduckunderPatroclus’sotherarm.“I’vegothim.”
“Weweredoingjustfinewithoutyou.”There’snosnaptohertone.Helenjustsoundsexhausted.
“Whathappenedtoyourleg,Helen?”
Shesputters.“I’mfine.”
“Bullshit.Thedoctorwilllookyouoverwhenwegettotheroom,too.”Sheseemsotherwiseokay,butifshe’sanythinglikePatroclus,shewouldn’ttellmeevenifshewasbleedingout.Thethoughtsendsiceskitteringdownmyspine.
ThesetwomightbesomeofthesmartestpeopleI’veeverencountered,buttheydon’thavetheself-preservationthegodsgivechildren.Iflefttotheirowndevices,theywillignoretheirbodiesandendupseriouslyhurt.
That’sokay.Ifyouwon’tlookoutforyourself,thenI’lllookoutforyou.
Ispareaquickglance,takingintheirprofiles.Somethingsoftandtenderstirsinmychest.Bothofyou.
23
Helen
NomatterwhatItellAchillesandPatroclus,mythighisonemassiveachebythetimewemakeitbacktotheroom.Ibarelyfeelit.BetweenParis’shorriblewordscirclingmyheadandPatroclus’sobviousinjuries,Ihaveplentybeyondthephysicaltofocuson.
Thatdoesn’tstopAchillesfrombullyingustothecouchandsnarlingwhenItrytostand.Hepointsabluntfingeratme.“Sitthefuckdownandwaitforthedoctor.”
Ishouldprobablyfindhisattitudeaggravating,but…MuchlikewhenPatroclusstoppedmeonthetreadmill,thisisAchillestakingcareofme.It’snovelenoughtobenice.Aggravating.Butnice.Peopledon’ttakecareofme.Growingupinmyfather’shousemeantshowingtoomuchcaringwasjustaskingforZeustoteachusaharshlesson.WewatchedithappenagainandagainwithHercules,andwelearnedwell.Toowell,maybe.
InudgeAchilles’sfingerawayfrommyface.“Theseusjustgotmythigh.It’sabruise.”
“We’llsee,”hemutters.Heeyesmycatsuit.“That’sgoingtobeabitchtogetoff.We’llcutyouout.”
“Achilles.”
HepointsatPatroclus.“Don’tyoustart.Youcanbarelyliftyourarmstoyourshoulders.I’mcuttingyououtofyourshirt,too.”
“Kinky,”Imurmur.
“Youhavenoidea.”
PatroclusandIsharealook,andtheexasperationIseemirroredinhisdarkeyessurprisesalaughoutofme.Itfeelsgood,soIdoitagain.“Gods,Achilles,you’readelight.”
“Iknow.It’sgoodyou’refinallyfiguringitout.”Aknockonthedoorhashimheadinginthatdirectionafteronelastseverelookatus.“Behave,youtwo.”
Thedoctorisashort,wizenedwomanwithmedium-brownskin,atightbunofgrayinghair,andthicksquareglasses.Shesweepsalookoverus.“Injuries?”
“Mythighisbruised.”
Patroclushesitatesbutfinallysighs.“Face.Ankle.”HeshootsaguiltylookatAchilles.“Ribs.”
“Youmotherfucker.”
ThedoctorsnapsherfingersatAchilles.“That’senoughoutofyou.Eitherhelpthemgetoutoftheirclotheswithoutcommentaryorleave.”
Instantly,heduckshishead.“Yes,ma’am.”
“Better.”
Hegrabsapairofscissorsfromthekitchen.ItfeelsfarmoreintimatethanitshouldforAchillestositsoclose,hishandsomefaceastudyinconcentrationashecarefullypullsthefabricawayfrommyskinandcuts.Thescissorsareacoolslidewitheachsnip,andafewminuteslater,hepeelsthecatsuitoff.
He’sjustascarefulwithPatroclus,thoughheglaresattheothermantheentiretime.“Youshouldhavesaidsomething.”
“Youwouldhaveworried.”AthinthreadofpainhintsatexactlyhowhurtPatroclusis.Ormaybe—hopefully—it’sjustadrenalineletdown.Bruisescanhurtlikemotherfuckers.Itdoesn’tmeanhe’sseriouslyinjured.
Worrycurdlesmystomach.“Lookhimoverfirst.”
“Youhaveoneinjury.Hehasseveral.”Thedoctorpokesandprodsatmythighandstraightens.“Abruise.Iceit.Ifyouweren’tinthetournament,Iwouldsaytakeiteasyforatleastaweek.”
“That’snotanoption,”Isayquickly.
“I’maware.”Hertoneisdryandunamused.“Itmightgiveoutifyouputtoomuchstressonit,sokeepthatinmindduringthenexttrial.”
“Thankyou.”
SheexaminesPatroclusnext,askingaseriesoftersequestions.IlookoverherheadatAchilles.I’veneverseenhimsosickwithworryandguilt.HecarriedPatroclusoutofthemazeoverhisshoulders.IfPatroclushasbrokenribs…ifthatactionmadethemworse…Icanpracticallyseethosethoughtsgoingthroughthebigman’sdarkgaze.
Neitherofustakeafullbreathuntilthedoctorsitsback.“You’relucky.Idon’tthinkanything’sbroken.IwouldliketogetanX-rayofyourribs,though.Tobesure.”
“They’renotbroken.”Patroclustoucheshissidegingerly.“I’vehadbrokenribsbefore,anditwasdifferent.”
Shesighs.“Verywell.Bestubborn.Ican’tforceyoutogetcare.”
Achillesbristles.“GettheX-ray.”
“I’mfine.”Patroclusshakeshishead.“I’mexhaustedandfilthyandwantashower,ameal,andbed.ButI’mfine,Achilles.Iswearit.”
Idon’tknowhimwellenoughasanadulttoknowifhe’slying.It’sstrangetorealizethat.It’sbeenlessthanaweekofbeingclosetohim,butitfeelsfarlonger.Atleastuntilmomentslikethiswhenit’sreadilyapparentthatmyknowledgeisonlyskindeep.
ButevenAchilleslooksathimlikehe’snotsurewhatthetruthis.Finally,heshakeshishead.“IfIfindoutyou’relying,I’mgoingtokickyourass.”
“Iknow.”
Achillesturnstothedoctorandgivesherapolitesmile.“Thankyousomuchforcheckingthemout,ma’am.”
“Iceandrest.”Sheturnsandwalksoutthedoor.
Achillesglaresatus.“CanyoubetrustedtositstillandnotfuckyourselfupfurtherwhileIgogetsomefoodforus?OrareyougoingtobevaultingoutofwindowsandfightingtheMinotaur?”
Irollmyeyes.“Itwasatrial.IwouldsayIgotoutprettycleanconsideringthatIwasfacingdownTheseus.”
“Yeah,guessyoudid.”Hesuddenlygrins.“Sawhisknee.Nicejob,princess.”
Iflushinresponsetohispraise.Heoffersitsofreely,withoutasinglestringattached.Idon’tquiteunderstandit,butIlikeitalot.“Thanks.”
“Go.”Patroclusleverageshimselfslowlytohisfeet.It’spainfultowatch,buthe’salreadymovingbetterthanhewasearlier.Hewon’tbeinthemorning,butthat’safightfortomorrow.“Getplentyofice,too.”
“Ofcourse.”Achillesgiveshimonelastlonglookandleavestheroom.
Patroclusshakeshishead.“Comeon.Ifwe’renotsittingdocilelyandwaitingwhenhegetsback,he’sgoingtotakeitasevidencethatwe’reinworseshapethatweclaim,andhe’llbeholleringforasecondopinionfromanotherdoctor.”
Ismilealittledespitemyself.“Godsforbid.”
“Youjoke,butAchillesgoesintomother-henmodethesamewayhegoesintoafight.There’snowinning.”
“It’skindofcute,don’tyouthink?”Ileancarefullyagainsthimandpropmyheadonhisshoulder.It’snice.Reallynice.
Hesnorts.“‘Cute’isonewordforit,Iguess.”
Achillescomesbackthroughthedoorlessthantenminuteslater.Herakesagazeoverusbutseemssatisfied.“Well,that’ssomething.”Hesetsagiantboxonthetable,filledwithseveralicepacksandmorefoodthanIknowwhattodowith.“Let’seat.”
It’ssoeasytobewiththem.EventhoughI’mtiredandIhurtandmyheartisstillachingfromParis’spoisonouswords,I’mmoreateaseherewiththesetwomenthanIhavebeeninlongerthanIcanremember.I’mnotworriedaboutmylackofmakeupormyrelaxedappearanceoraboutthemtryingtousemycarelesswordsasweaponstolaunchatmewhenIleastexpectit.
It’snice.Morethannice.It’sanindulgenceIknowbetterthantoallowmyselftoenjoy.Yes,weallpassedthesecondtrialandgrantedourlittletrioareprieve,buttheendresultisstillthesame.OneofuswillbeAres.Theotherswillloseoutonadreamthey’vespentfartoolongchasing.
“Helen.”Achilles’svoicepullsmeoutofmyhead.He’swatchingmeclosely.“WhatParissaidinthevan—”
Someofthewarmfeelinginmychestdissipates.“It’snotimportant.”IrefusetoadmitthatParisscaresme.Hepokesholesinmyconfidence,inmyemotionalsecurity,andthenstandstherewiththatlittlesmileonhislipswhenIlosecontrolandrage.TherewasatimewhenIreassuredmyselfthatatleastthedamagewasconfinedtotheemotional,asifthatmakesitbetter.Thetruthisthathe’sdonelastingdamagetome,bothmentallyandemotionally.Itakeadeepbreath.“Heisnotimportant.”
Patroclusdoesn’tlooklikehebelievesme.“It’snotrighthowhetalkstoyou.”
“No.It’snot.”Icanseethequestionontheirfaces,andmaybethat’swhyIanswerwithoutmakingthemask.Whywereyouwithamanlikehim?“Hewasn’tlikethatwhenIfirstmethim.Hewas…nice.”Humiliationflamesmyface.IwasraisedinOlympus.Ishouldhaveknownbetterthantobelieveanicefacade,nomatterhowcomplete.ButIwassostarvedforkindnessthatI’dfallenrightintoParis’sarms.“Itwasthewholefrog-in-boiling-waterthing.Ididn’tevennoticehewascuttingawayatmeuntilitwasalmosttoolate.”
Achillescrackshisknuckles.“Wantmetokickhisassforyou?”
Ismiledespiteeverything.“That’snotnecessary.Icanfightmyownbattles.”
“Thankyoufortellingus,Helen.”Patroclusconsidersmeforamomentandfinallysays,“Pariswon’twin.He’stheweakestcontender,andwithHectoreliminated,hedoesn’tstandachance.”
IwishIbelievedthat.TheproblemisthatParisshouldn’thavemanagedtogetpastthesecondtrial.Heworksoutenoughtokeepwhathe’sdecidedistheidealbodytype,buthe’snotanathleteorwarriorliketheotherchampions.There’sabsolutelynowayheshouldhavepulledoffbeingthefirstthroughthedoor.Whenitcomestocombat?Hemightnotwininafairfight,butParishasneverbeeninafairfightevenonceinhislife.HowheambushedAtalantamorethanprovesthat.
“Underestimatinghimisamistake.”Whentheybothlooklikethey’regoingtoargue,Iwaveitaway.It’seasiertofocusonthis—thetournament,thechampions—thanitistothinkaboutwhattherestofthefutureholds.NottomentionwehavenoanswersabouttheassassinorwhytheywereremovedfromAthena’sjurisdiction.TheonlypersonwhocangivethoseanswersisZeus,buthewon’thandthemoverwithoutafight,andIcan’tdothatuntilafterthetournamentisover.Ican’timagineI’mgoingtobehappywiththoseanswers.Irarelyamwhenitcomestothingsmyfamilywouldratherkeephidden.
Andtherest?Thefuturewherethisstrange,tentativethingbetweenmeandAchillesandPatrocluscrashesandburnsawaytoash?Ican’tstandthethoughtofit.
Easier,simplertofocusonthemoreimmediatethreats.“Besides,it’snotasifhe’stheonlyoneIhavetoworryabout.EvenifParisisn’tatruecontender—andheis,orhewouldn’tstillbehere—noonecanarguethattheMinotaurisanythinglessthandangerous.”
“We’lldealwithit.”Patroclusspeakswithsuchconfidence,asifhe’salreadyplannedforthis.Asiflifedoesn’thaveahabitofkickingyouintheteethwhenyouleastexpectit.Asifhe’snothalfwayoutofcommissionfrombeingbeatenbyHector.“Youhavenothingtoworryabout.NeitherParisnortheMinotaurwillwin.”
“Yeah,that’swhateveryonekeepssaying.”Ishakemyheadslowly.“Doyouknowwhatmybrothersaidtocomfortmewhenhesoldmeouttocementapotentialfuturealliance?HesaidifthenewAreshurtme,he’dkillthem.”
Achillesnarrowshiseyes.“SeemsforwardofZeus,butwhat’swrongwiththat?”
Mylaughcomesoutragged.“What’swrongisthathe’smakingawholelotofassumptionsthataren’tbasedinreality.Aresdoesn’tneedmeastheirwifeinordertoholdthetitle.Somehowtheso-calledcomfortofbeingavengeddoesn’tmakemefeelbetter.Butthen,hedidn’tsayittomakemefeelbetter.Hesaidittoassuagewhatever’sleftofhisstuntedconscience.”Or,worse,toplacatemeintobeingawillingvictim.Ican’tsaythataloud,though.It’stoomuchtoshare,evenwiththesetwo.
Achillesliftshisbrows.“Idon’tknowwhatyou’reworriedabout,princess.I’mgoingtobecomethenextAres,andwhileIenjoyabitofslapandtickleandfightingturningintofucking,Ionlyenjoyitwheneveryoneinvolvedishavingagoodtime.You’resafeenoughwithme.”
Istareupathim,temporarilydumbfounded.Doeshethinkthat’scomforting?WhileIcanadmitthatAchillesisthebestcandidateofthebunch,hiswinningmeansI’vefailed.ItmeansI’llspendtherestofmyliferegulatedtothesupportivewife,theonealwaysoutsidetheinnercircle,theprize
Isinkintothechairacrossfromhim,suddenlyexhausted.Ican’taffordtoforgetthatthesemenaren’tmyallies.Notreally.TheymightbeguardingmybodyandgivingmemorepleasurethanIcouldhavedreamedand…Butitdoesn’tmatter.We’reatodds.
Gods,thatshouldn’thurtsomuch.“That’snotnearlyascomfortingasyou’dlikeittobe.”
“Achilleshashisownwayofdoingthings.”Patroclusshrugs.“Tobefair,he’sthebestoptiontowin.”
Ibristle.Itdoesn’tevenoccurtometocoverupmyreaction.Notwiththesetwo.“Iamthebestoptiontowin.”
Achillesgivesthatarrogantgrinlikehe’shumoringme.“Really,princess?Haveyoudealtwithalotofsoldiersandsecurityeffortsupinthatgildedpalaceofapenthouseyoulivein?”Thequestionmightbebarbed,butIcantellhe’snottryingtobecruel.
He’sevenright,atleastinthis.Idon’thaveexperiencewithsoldiers.Notevenalittlebit.I’vehadsecurityallmylife,buttheytendtoeitherblendintothebackgroundorkeepenoughdistance—atmyinsistence—thatIforgetthey’rethere.IcameintothistournamentpreparedtohavetolearnfromthegroundupwhenitcomestoAres’sactualduties,butI’msmart,ambitious,andnotafraidtoplaydirty.Icanfigureouttherestonmywaydown.
Iliftmychin.“I’mafastlearner.”
“Yeah,that’swhatIthought.”Hegrins.“Look,Helen,you’reacertifiedbadass.Nooneissayingotherwise.You’vekickedassinboththechallenges,andifIwasn’there,you’dhaveabetterthandecentchanceoftakingAres.Butthefactremainsthatyou’renotqualifiedforthetitle.”
Iamsofuckingtiredofbeingunderestimated.Yes,Iknowonlythebasicsofsecurityfromtheclientperspective,butthatdoesn’tmeanI’mill-preparedforthetitle.Thesetwomenarebothsmartandambitiousandtheyactuallytakemeseriously,buttheystilldon’tunderstand.There’sabsolutelynoreasontofeelstungbythat.Nooneelseseestherealme,understandswhatI’mactuallycapableof.WhywouldAchillesandPatroclusbetheexception?
Honestly,it’sanasset.Nomatterhowitchafes,beingunderestimatedhasonlybenefitedme.RightnowiswhereIkeepmymouthshutandletthembelievetheyknowsomethingIdon’t.
Ican’tquitemanageit,though.“Wrong.I’mnottheoneinovermyheadifIbecomeAres.”IleanforwardandtapAchillesonthechestwithasinglefinger.“Youare.”
“Youthinkso?”Ifanything,hisgrinwidens.“Enlightenme.”
You’reshowingyourhand.Iignorethelittlevoiceinsidemeandanswerhiminkind.“Imightnotbeoutthereplayingsoldier,butonethingIdoknowispolitics.Canyousaythesame?”
“I’mafastlearner.”HetossesmywordsbackatmeandjerksathumbinPatroclus’sdirection.“Andhe’safuckinggenius.We’refine.”
“Cute.”EvenPatrocluslooksconvinced,though.HowcanheunderestimateOlympuspolitics?Yes,he’sneverdabbledinthem,butfromwhatIunderstand,hismothersusedtobeparticularlycutthroatintheirtwenties.RumorhasitthatSthenelewasatopcontenderforthetitleofAphrodite,butwhenPatroclusandIwereeight,sheandPolymeleallbutdisappearedfromOlympuspolitics,takinghimwiththem.It’snotahugeleaptoassumetheymadethatcalltoprotecttheirfamily.
Whatmustitbeliketobelovedthatmuch?
Ishovethethoughtaway.“Youcan’tjustlearnpoliticslikeyoucanwithotherskills.That’snothowitworks.”
“Ifyousayso.”
Somethinglikeworrytakesrootinsideme.I’mgoingtowin.IhavetobelieveI’mgoingtowin.ButifIdon’t?IfAchillesdoesmanagetosecureAresandstepsintotheviper’snestIgrewupin…He’sgoingtogethurt.Hemightgetdead.“Becauseofthebarrier,wehaven’thadtodealwithanoutsideincursioninourlifetime.”
“What’syourpoint?”
“Mypointisthatnooneisqualifiedtodefendthecityproperly,atleastifwe’retalkingaboutexperience.ThetitleofAresisaglorifiedbabysittertoensurethepettysquabblesbetweentherestoftheThirteenandtheirinnercirclesdon’tgetoutofhand.Theresponsibilitiesofthetitlematterlessthanthealliesandenemiesthatyouhavetonavigate.”
Achillesshrugs.“I’mstillmorequalifiedthanyouare.”
Iraisemybrows,tryingnottoletthestrangeworryinsidemeflourish.Howcanhebesodeterminednottoseethepitfallrightinfrontofhim?Or,ifnotAchilles,howcanPatroclusignorethedanger?Ihavetomakethemsee,intheeventthattheworstcomestopass.Ican’tstandthethoughtofsomethinghappeningtothem.“Isthatso?ThenI’msureyoucantellmewhythelastAphroditetookahitoutonDemeter’sdaughter.”
Patroclusraiseshisbrows.“EveryoneknowsshetriedtokillPsyche.Itwastelevised,Helen.”
“Everyoneknowsithappened.Doyouknowwhy?”
“BecausePsychewasfuckingEros,andAphroditedoesn’tsharehertoys,”Achillessayslazily.“Nextquestion.”
“Wrong.ShediditbecauseDemeterhadPsychelineduptobethenextHera,andshewentaroundAphroditetodoit.”Psychewouldhavebeenagoodfitforthetitle,too,butIknowbetterthantosayasmuchtoeithermybrotherorEros.Iplantmyhandsonmyhips.“DoyouknowwhoamongtheThirteenPoseidonissleepingwithandhowthatinfluenceswherehisallianceslie?”
“Ididn’t—”
Ikeepgoing.“HowaboutwhatHermes’sendgameis—orareyounaiveenoughtothinkshe’smerelystirringthepottoentertainherself?CanyoutraceallofDemeter’scontactsacrosstherestoftheThirteen?Willyoufallinwithherortrytostandapart?Bothdecisionshaveconsequences.Areyoupreparedtopaythem?”
Achillesshrugs,butPatroclusislookingatmelikehe’sneverseenmebefore.Finally,hebeginstounderstand.“Allourstrategyhasbeenfocusedonthemartialsideofthings,”hesaysslowly.
“Exactly.”Asmallvoicewhispersthatthethreeofusasateamwouldbeunstoppable,butIignoreit.AchilleshashissightssetonAres.SodoI.Thatputsusonoppositesides,regardlessofhowhe’stakencareofmeinthatparticularAchillesfashion,orhowsweetPatroclusis,orhowmuchIenjoyfuckingthemboth.Attheendofthistournament,itdoesn’tmatterwhathefeelsforme.Hewon’tholdbackinthefinaltrial.Theonlythingthatmattersishisendgoal.That’ssomethingofacompliment,Isuppose.Itmakesmychestachetothinkaboutfacinghimdownintwodays.
AllthismeansIcan’treallytrusteitherofthesemen.NomatterhowmuchIwantto.“Evenapreciousprincessisn’texemptfromhavingtolearntoswiminshark-infestedwaters.Informationisjustasdangerousasagun,evenmoresointherighthands.TheThirteenwilleatbothofyoualive.”
24
Patroclus
I’veunderestimatedHelen.Again.IstareatthefireinherambereyesandhavetoshifteverypathintothefutureIhadspeculatedon.Again.Ouroriginalplansdidn’tlastpastmeetingher,andnowthepiecesI’dslowlybeguntoputbacktogetherareblownoutofthewater.Again.
Weneedher.
Notbecauseweenjoysexwithher.Notbecauseshe’sdestinedtobeAres’swife,whichmeansAchilles’swife.Notbecausewebothlikeherquiteabitinourownway.
WeneedherbecausesheknowsthingsthatwillmakethelearningcurveofenteringintotheThirteensmootherandallowAchillestododgepotentialpitfalls.NomatterhowsmartIam,Idon’tknowwhatIdon’tknow.
Idon’tknowasinglethingaboutwhatshejustmentioned.
Oh,everyoneknewthatAphroditeattemptedtokillPsyche,butithadappearedtobedrivenbyjealousyandadesiretokeepthewomanawayfromherson.IhadnoideathatDemeterwasinvolvedatall.OrthatIshouldbeconcernedaboutPoseidon’sbedroomhabits.OrthatHermesismorethanjustthecreatureofchaossheappearstobe.Oranyoftheothershit.
“We’llfigureitout,”Ifinallysay.Mychesthurts,andIwishIcouldblameitonHector’sfists,butthefeelinggoesmuchdeeperthanthesurface-levelpainofmyinjuries.
“Notbeforeyougetyourselfintotrouble.”Helenshakesherheadslowly.“Learningthesecuritystuffisacakewalkcomparedtothatviper’snest.Canyousaythesameifit’stheotherwayaround?”
No,wecan’t.
Achillesisbrilliantwhenitcomestoconflict,toanticipatinganopponent’smoveandensuringvictoryforhimandhisteam.Butthisisadifferentkindofconflictthathe’sneverhadtodealwith.Thatneitherofushave,forallthatmymothersarebothfromfamiliesthathaveahistoryofschemingfortheavailabletitlesamongtheThirteen.Ithinktheyusedtoindulgeinmoreambitiousgamesbeforewemovedawayfromthecitycenter,butmylifehasbeenstartlinglynormal.NothinglikeAchilles,withhisambitionahungersolarge,I’mnotsureOlympusitselfcanholdhim.CertainlynotlikeHelen,whoisawarriorinherownright.
Weneedher.
Areyousureyou’renotjustsayingthat?
Iignorethevoice,justlikeIhavebeenignoringitsincemytalkwithHelenthenightofthenominations.Itdoesn’tmatterwhatIfeel,becauselogicandfactsreignsupreme,andrightnowthey’reallpointinginonedirection.
Fact:AchillesisgoingtowinthetournamentandbecomethenextAres.
Fact:MarryingHelenisaninevitablesideeffecttothatconclusion.
Fact:NeitherAchillesnorIhavehadtonavigatetheinnercirclesoftheThirteenbefore,asidefromAthena,whoisanoutlieramongthegroupinhowshedealswithherpeople.
Fact:Helenhasnavigatedthosecirclesanddoneitsuccessfullysincebirth.
Conclusion:It’snotenoughforAchillestomarryheroncehebecomesAres.Weneedheronoursideandwillingtolendusherexpertise.Whenlaidoutlikethat,itseemssimpleenough.ItseemslogicalandnotatallanimpulsivedecisionmadebecauseIcan’tstandthethoughtofthisthingbetweenthethreeofusendingwithinafewdays.IcanblameAchillesandhisintenselooksallIwant,butmyownfeelingsarenolesscomplicated…orirrational.It’scomfortingtofallbackonthestrategy,tohaveitsupporttheendresultIselfishlywant,butitdoessupportthatconclusion.
Noneofthisisnewinformation.Nothingwe’vetalkedaboutaswecircledeachotherforthelastfewdaysisnewinformation.Itdoesn’tmatterhowmuchweargue,becauseitboilsdowntothefacts,andtheyneverchange.
Wecan’targueorreasonourwayoutofthissituation.
I…don’tknowwhattheansweris.
“Patroclus.”Achillestapsmyforehead,bringingmebacktothepresent.They’rebothstaringatme,himwithabemusedexpressionandHelenwithacontemplativeone.Helightlytapsmyforeheadagain.“Ithinkthat’senoughfornow.”
Achillesalwayshasabetterheadinsituationswheretimeisoftheessence.Heisn’tweigheddownbyrunningscenariosandexaminingfactsbeforechoosingaroute.Heshootsfromthehip,sotospeak.Iwanttoarguethatrightnow,thatisn’ttheapproachweneed,notwhensomuchcangowrong,butHelengivesasmallsmile.“He’sright.We’vehadalongday.Let’sgotobed.”
Howseamlesslytheymovetoguidemetothedoor,HelentuckingherselfundermyarmandAchillesfallingafewstepsbehindtowatchourbacks.Allwithoutsayingasingleword.Ishakemyhead.Thisiswrong.WearesupposedtobelookingafterHelen,notcoddlingmebecauseIwasfoolenoughtogetintoafightwithHectorinthesecondtrial.
Funny,butsomewhereinthelastdayorso,IforgotIwasjealousofthefuturebearingdownonus.IglancedownatHelen,waitingforthefeelingtocomeroaringback,butthere’sjustastrangesortofcontentmenttwinningwithmyoverallstressandthepainbeatingintimewithmyheart.I’mnotsurehowtoprocessthat.
Achillesbarelywaitsforustomakeittothebedroombeforehesays,“Getnaked.”
Helenarchesaperfectbrowathim.“Someone’spresumptuous.”
Hereachesoverheadandlightlygripsthedoorframe,perfectlyatease,asifhe’snotputtingonashowforanaudienceoftwo.“I’mallfortuckingyoutwoinandkeepingwatchifyoucanhonestlytellmethatyouwon’tliethereinthedarkandstareattheceilingandstressyourselfthefuckout.”Hetransfershisattentiontome.“Areyouupforit,orwereyoulyingtothegooddoctor?”
“Iwasn’tlying.”Nothing’sbroken.I’msureofit.IachelikeamotherfuckerandI’mgoingtobeblackandblueforawhile,butI’mokay.I’vehadworseinjuriesinthepast,evenifIfeellikeI’vebeenhitbyatruckatthemoment.
HelencrossesherarmsoverherchestandeyesAchilles.“There’snothingwrongwithusingourbrains.Youshouldtryitsometime.”
Hegrins.“Nah,I’llleavethattoyoutwo.I’llbeheretohelpyoucheckoutwhenyoustartspiraling.”
“Youmighthaveapoint.”AsmilepullsattheedgesofherlipsbutHelenshakesherhead.“Butwe’reontheoppositesides.Continuingtohavesexatthispointis—”
“Areallygreatfuckingidea.Punintended.”Hesighsanddropshisarms.“Wewereonoppositesideslastnightandagainduringthetrialtoday.Nothing’schanged.Areyougoingtotreatmeanydifferentlyinthefinaltrialjustbecauseyou’vebeenbouncingonmycock?”
“Absolutelynot.”
“Good.Iwon’teither.Withthatoutoftheway…”Heleansdownandlowershisvoice,arumblecreepingintohiswords.“Takeoffyourclothes,princess.I’mjealousasfuckthatPatroclusgotatasteofthatprettypussy.Myturn.”
Sheblinks.“Um.”
“Achilles,”Itryagain.“You’rebeingpushy.”
“Tellmeyou’retoohurttowanther.”Hepinsmewithlook.“Or,fuck,tellmeyoudon’twanther.”
Thisisalreadycomplicatedenoughwithouttanglingmyselffurtherupemotionally.Whichisexactlywhatwillhappen.I’vebarelydealtwiththeimplicationsofwhatcomesnext,ofhowit’sshiftednowthatwe’vemetHelen…sleptwithHelen.HowamIsupposedtomakemypeacewithAchillesmovingonwithoutmeifhekeepsinsistingonincludingmeinthisshit?“I’mnottooinjured,butI’malsonotruledbymywants.”
“Youshouldtryitsometime.It’sfun.”
“Howcanyouthinkoffunatatimelikethis?”Excepthe’stolduswhathe’sdoing,hasn’the?Thisisn’tAchillesbeingreckless;thisishimtakingcareofusinthatparticularwayofhis.He’samanofaction,andhe’srightthatI’llspendthenextfewhoursoverthinkingeverything,goingbackovertheeventsofthedayandwonderingwhatIcouldhavedonedifferent,lookingtothefutureandworryingaboutwhatcomesnext.
He’salwaysusedsextohelpmestopspiralingmentally.It’salwaysworked.
Nowhe’sextendingthattoHelenaswell.
Asmuchashewasbotheredbytheideaofmeandherbefore,he’stotallysetthatasidenowthathe’sinvolvedinthepicture,too.Nowthathe’sgotsomefuturepaintedinhisheadwiththethreeofus.IfIwerebraver,I’daskhimwhatheintends,butI’mnotsureI’mpreparedforwhatevertheansweris.
Achillesshrugs.“Bothofyouneedsleep.Afeworgasmswillhelpthatalong.I’malltoohappytoprovidethem.”
Thiswholesituationwouldbeaggravatingifitwasn’tsoAchilles.He’smorethancapableofnuance,buthepreferstoseetheworldinblackandwhite.Whatserveshisgoalsandcanbeactedoninthismomentversusliterallyeverythingelse.Andhedoesn’tgiveashitaboutthelatter.
Tohim,there’snothingwecandountilthenexttrial.WehaveHelenwithus,soit’sagiventhatwe’llkeephersafeuntilthen.He’llfuckustosleepandthentakewatch,probablyuntilmorningifIdon’tmissmyguess.Isigh.“Youcompetedtoday,too.Youhavetobeexhausted.”
“Youknowbetter.Ihaveexcellentstamina.”HenodsatHelen.“You’restilldressed.”
“It’sreallythateasyforyou,isn’tit?”Shesoundsalmostinawe.“IthoughtIcompartmentalizedwell,butthisisawholedifferentlevel.”
“Aww,princess,areyoufallingforme?”
Herfacegoesalittlered,butsheshakesherhead.“Absolutelynot.Idon’tevenlikeyou.”
“Liar.Youlikemeawholelot.”Achillesstripsquickly.I’vebeenwiththismanfornearlyhalfmylifeandyetmybreathstillcatchesatthesightofallthatlight-brownskin,ofthepromisethatstrongbodyholds.He’sastudyinperfection,hasbeenaslongasIcanremember.Ateighteen,Iwasawkwardandunsureinmybody.Achillesneverseemedtohavethatproblem.He’salwaysknownwhoheisandwherehe’sheaded.
Thetop.
Hestepsaroundusandwalksintotheshowertoturnthewateron.Ittakesonlyafewsecondsbeforesteamcurlsinourdirection.Iturnaway.IhavetobecausewatchingAchillesshowerisoneofmyfavoritevices.IfIdon’tgetcontrolofmyselfrightnow,I’llbenakedandwithhimbeneaththewater.Nowisnotthetimeforthat.Ihavetorememberthat.Ihaveto…
Helenpressesherhandscarefullytomyupperchest.ShelooksalittlefragilearoundtheeyesbutotherwiseunbotheredbyAchillesbeing…Achilles.“He’salwayslikethis,isn’the?”
“Yes.”
Herlipscurve.“Yourbloodpressuremustbethroughtheroof.You’resologicalandhe’sso…himself.”
“Youdon’thavetosayyes,”Iblurtout.“Withanyofit.He’spushy,butherespects‘no.’”It’soneofthemanythingsIloveaboutAchilles.Inlife,hemightbewillingtogothrougheveryobstacleinhispathinsteadoffindingawayaround,butinthebedroom,he’sveryintentonmakingsureeveryoneinvolvedishavingagoodtime.Thesecondtheyaren’t,everythingstops.
“Iknow.”Shesmilessweetlyandgoesupontohertoestopressanequallysweetkisstomylips.“Likeyousaid,he’stakingcareofbothofusinhisownway,though,isn’the?”
AchillesandHelenaresodifferentfromme.Idon’tseehowfightingandfuckingaremoreofacomfortthanfindingasolution.Don’tgetmewrong.IenjoysparringwithAchilles,especiallywhenitgetshimgoingandresultsinanespeciallyroughfucking.AndIcan’tdenythatsexwillalwaysstopmymentalspiralinginitstracks.Sexwon’tfixthingsormakethemlesscomplicated,though.It’sonlyastopgap,abandage,atemporarydetour.
Comingupwithasolution,though?Thatwillbringlong-termrelief.
Maybethere’sroomforboth,foruseachmeetingadifferentneedbecauseofhowdifferentweare.Helen’salreadylookingsteadieronherfeetandmorelikeherself.Inodslowly.“Yeah,he’stakingcareofusinhisownway.”He’sdoingitrightnow.
Helentugsonmyshirt.“Comeplaywithus,Patroclus.We’llbegentle.Afterwetireourselvesout,youcantalkusthroughwhat’sgoingoninyourhead.”
I’msotempted,butnomatterwhattheybothsay,sexchangesthings.Hasalreadychangedthings.Iwanttobelievethatwe’llalllandonourfeetafterthis.Iwanttobelieveitsodesperately,I’mtemptedtoignorealltheevidencepointingtothecontrary.“Thisresultsinheartbreak.EitherheendsupAres,ruiningyourdreams,oryoudo,anditruinshisdreams.Orsomeoneelseentirelywinsandthatsmashesbothofyoutobits.”DoublysobecauseatleastwithAchillesorHelenwinning,there’sasmallchancetofixthingsandreachthefutureIsuddenlywantmorethananything.Thethreeofustogether.
Thatwon’thappenifHelenismarriedtoanother.
“Patroclus…”Sheleansupandkissesmeagain,lingeringthistime.“Wecangoroundandroundandroundworryingaboutthefutureuntilwe’rereadytowringeachother’snecks.Itwon’tchangewhathappensinthenexttrial,anditwon’tchangewhathappensafter.Or…wecanfollowAchilles’sleadandenjoythetimewehavelefttogether.”
“But—”
“Wecanarguemoreaboutitlaterifyouwant.”Shespeaksagainstmylips.“Whenlifeisjustaseriesofbadscenarios,youlearntotakeyourpleasureandjoywhereyoucan.Iamtiredandshakyandmorethanalittleheartsore.Imightbewrong,butIthinkyou’refeelingabitofthesame,iffordifferentreasons.”
Istartle.“Whywouldyousaythat?”
“Callitaneducatedguess.”Sheleansbackandlooksupatme.“Idon’tknowwhat’sgoingonwithyouandhim,thoughifithastodowithme,I’msorry.”Helenworriesherbottomlip.“Also,IrealizethatI’mbeingjustaspushyasheis.Soit’sokayifyoudon’twantto.”
IfIdon’twantto?
Thethoughtalmostmakesmelaugh.OfcourseIwantto.It’snotassimpleasseeingsomethingIdesireandreachingouttoacquireit.Except…Maybeitis?Maybethisonce,Icanthrowtheconsequencestothewindandrideitoutforalittlewhile?
Ifwe’reallbutdestinedtocrashandburn,whynotdoastheysuggestandtakewhatlittlepleasureandjoyIcanwhereIcanfindit?
“Helen.”
“Yes?”
“Afterthis…”Whyisitsohardtogetthewordsout?Iclearmythroatandtryagain.“Afterthis,I’lltalkthroughwhathasmesotangledup,butonlyifyoupromisetodothesame.”
Ihalfexpecthertolaughitofformaybeagreeeasilywiththeintentionnevertofollowthroughonit.We’veknowneachotherlongenoughthatIunderstandHelendoesn’tletpeoplein.She’ssodifferentfromthechildIremember,differentfromthepublicpersonasheadaptswithotherpeople.Evenso,I’mnotnaiveenoughtothinkshe’sgivinguseverything.She’stoosmart,andmuchtoosavvy,toexposeherselflikethat.
Helengivesmeasmallsmilethatfeelslikeapunchinthegut.“I’mnotsureyoureallywantthat.I’mamess.”
“Ilikeyourmess.”It’sthetruth.Toostark.Toohonest.
Shehesitatesbutfinallynods.“Ifyoushowmeyours,I’llshowyoumine.”
“Deal.”Iofferherasmileofmyown.“Nowtakeoffyourclothes.”
25
Achilles
BythetimeHelenandPatroclusjoinmeintheshower,I’vemanagedtogetmyselfundercontrol.Idon’tmakeahabitoflyingtomyself.There’snopoint.ThatshitjustgetsinthewayofaccomplishingwhatIwant,soIacceptnewinformationasitcomesandadaptaccordingly.
Thefeelingthatsproutedyesterdaymorning,thesuretythatHelenismeanttomakeourcoupleintoathrouple,hassolidifiedinsidemewiththecompletionofthesecondtrial.Shekickedassinthattrial,andIdon’tgiveafuckthatthethreeofusmakingittothefinalonecontinuestocomplicatethings.ItmeansmoretimetogetherbeforewehavetodealwithAres.
Ilikehavingheraround.Ilikeher.Yeah,she’sgotapointaboutthepoliticsandshit,butthatjustreinforcesmybeliefthatthethreeofusweremeanttobeworkingasateaminsteadofatoddswitheachother.Helenwillmakeastellarally.She’ssmartandshe’sexperienced,andsheknowstheinsandoutsofthisnewbattlefieldbetterthanwedo.More,Ienjoyedthefuckoutofwatchinghershovethatknowledgedownourthroats.There’snothingsexierthancompetence,andthewomanhasitinspades.
IcanclearlyseeafuturewhereI’mmarriedtoHelen.Thelong,lazyeveningswheresheandPatroclusstrategizeuntilIgettiredofallthetalkinganddragthemtothebedroom.TheirritatingpartiesmademuchlesssobywatchingHelenworktheroom,dressedtotheninesingoldanddiamonds,awarriorofwordsandthinlyveiledpolitics.TheearlymorningswherePatroclusandIareupandgoingthroughournormalworkoutroutineandHelenwakesupintimetoshareacupofcoffeeandaquickbreakfastbeforeweallgoaboutourdays.
Itfeelsreal.It’sjustamatterofgettingusthere.
There’stheissueofherwantingtobeAres,butshe’llgetoverit.Shedoesn’tseemonetolingeronthingsastheyshouldbewhenshecanadapttothingsastheyare.Itmighttakesometimetoearnherforgiveness,butIalreadyknowherweakness.
AllIhavetodoisprovokeherenough,andwe’llstartfightingandendupfucking.Doitenoughtimesandeventuallywe’llskipoverthefightingandgetrighttothefucking.Idon’tseehowthat’sabadthingbyanydefinitionoftheword.Besides,Idon’thavetobePatroclustounderstandthatHelen’sgraspofthepoliticsoftheThirteenisanassetwedon’twanttolose
Helenducksunderneaththeshowerheadnexttome.WhenIfirstsawtheshowersinthesesuites,Ithoughttheywereridiculous.I’mabigguy,butevenIdon’tneedfourshowerheadsandthismuchroom.Igetitnow.
IwatchherwashherhairoutofthecornerofmyeyewhilePatrocluscomesuponmyotherside.He’sstillgotthatsexylittlefurrowbetweenhisbrowsthatmakesmewanttokissitaway.Healwaysworriestoomuch.Wehavethisinthebag,andnowthatIdon’thavetobeworriedabouthimrunningoffintothesunsetwiththepreciousprincess,everythingiscomingupaces.
Thereisthefinaltrialtoconsider,butnoneoftheremainingcontendersareenoughtoworryme.Noneofthatmattersforthenexttwodays,though,soIhookHelenaroundthehipsandpullheragainstmychest.Sheresiststhetiniestbit,butnotlikeshereallywantstogoanywhereelse.
“How’stheleg?”She’ssportinganastybruisefromwhereTheseushither.Lookingatitnow,IkindofwishedI’dkickedthefuckerwhilehewasdown.
“Itlooksworsethanitis.”Hernailsprickmychest,andmycockhardensevenmoreinresponse.Ilikethisabouther,too.She’snotafraidtoplayroughanddoesn’tseemtopullherpunches.Doessheunderstandthedepthofthecomplimentshe’sgivingmeasaresult?Maybe.Maybenot.It’shardtotellwithher.
Igrindownather.“Showerorbed?”
Helenreachesupandslicksbackherhair,pressingherbreastsagainstmychest.“Whynotdreamalittlebigger,Achilles?Let’sdoboth.”
“Inthatcase…”Idon’thesitate.Ispinheraround,grabherwrists,andliftthemuptopinagainstmychestoneithersideofherhead.“Alittlehelphere,Patroclus.”
Itaketheopportunitytogetagoodlookathisinjuries,too.He’smovingokay,sohe’slikelytellingthetruthaboutitjustbeingbruising.Thankfuck.Idon’tknowwhatI’ddoifsomethinghappenedtohim.Hisbodywillbeaspectaculararrayofpurple,blue,andgreentomorrow,buthe’sokay.
Hewatchesusashesoapsuphisbody,hishandsmovingunhurriedlyovermusclesIwanttosinkmyteethinto.Healwayswasafuckingteasewhengivenhalfthechance.Usually,I’mimpatientsoIgetthingsrolling,butIdon’thavethatoptionrightnow.NotunlessIwanttoreleaseHelen,andI’mneverlettinghergo.Shejustdoesn’tknowityet.
Patroclusdrinksinthesightofher,ofus,ashefinisheswashinghimselfslowly.Idon’tthinkherealizeshisheartisinhiseyes.Gods,thewaythismanwants.Hemakesmestrivetobebetter,tobeworthyofit.KnowinghefeelsthatwaytowardHelenonlyrampsupmydeterminationtomakeuswork.Idon’twastetimewithbullshitaboutthishappeningtoofast.Ifyouknowwhatyouwant,whydickaroundaboutgoingforit?
IwantPatroclus.
IwantHelen.
Imeantohavethem.Permanently.
“Tease,”Helenmurmurs.Sheleansherheadagainstmychestandarchesherback,puttinghertitsondisplay.“Letgoofmyhand,Achilles.I’lldothismyself.”
“No.”Patroclusshakeshisheadsharply.“Bothofyouneedtolearnsomegodsdamnedpatience.”Hestepsbeneaththesprayandmakesquickworkofwashinghimselfoff.
Iwatchthewatercourseoverhisbodyandmymouthwaters.Yesterdaywasbarelyenoughtotaketheedgeoffwantingthesetwo.Todayworryingabouttheminthetrialhasonlyheightenedmyneed.We’renotdoingthisintheshower,though.It’shardlythesafestwaytofuckevenifeveryonewasfullyhealthy.WithPatroclus’sinjuriesandHelen’slegindangerofbuckling,it’soutofthequestion.Iwantthem,butIdon’twanteitherofthemharmedintheprocess.
Gods,I’mafuckingsap.
FinallyPatroclusturnstofaceusfullyandtakesasteptoclosethedistance.Heplantshishandsonherhipsandleansforward…bypassingHelen’sfacetokissme.Patroclusalwayshadthetiniestofsadisticstreakswhenweentertainothersinourbed,butitfeelsdifferentwithHelen.Neitherofusgaveafuckaboutthoseotherpeople,asidefromgettingthemoffashardaswecould.WithHelen,there’s…more.Jealousyorpossessionorsomethingelsealtogether.Idon’tknow,butIfuckinglikeit.
Patrocluskissesmelikeit’sjustus,likeitwillalwaysjustbeus.Areminder.Apromise.Whothefuckknows?Ikisshimbackjustasintensely.
AndthenhemovestoHelen,takinghermouthwiththesamecommandhetookmine.MybreathcomesfasterasPatrocluspressesherbackagainstmeevenharderwiththeforceofhismouth.Shetriestoreachforhim,butItightenmygriponherwrists.Helen’sstrong,butI’mstronger,andIthinkshelikesthatbecauseshemoans.OrmaybewhatshelikesisthatIdon’ttreatherlikeshe’smadeofspunglass.
Patrocluseasesdownherbody,finallykneelingbeforeus.Hekissesherlowerstomach,justaboveherpussy.“Herlegs,Achilles.Holdherforme.”
“I’m…standingrighthere.”Herbreathiscomingevenharsher,fasterthanours.“StoptalkingaboutmelikeI’matoy.”
“Don’tyouwanttobeourtoy,princess?Theperksareprettygreat.”
Shesputtersalittleandrollsherhips,rubbingherassagainstmycock.“Anythingresemblingsubmissionisstrictlyconfinedtosexandonlysex.Don’tgetanyfunnyideas.”
Patroclus’seyesgohot.“Noted.”
“Wouldn’tdreamofexpectingyoutokneelunlessit’stosuckmycock.”Igrinagainstherhair.“Nowbeagoodgirlandloopyourarmsaroundmyneck.Youwon’tbeabletostandforlongoncePatroclusgetsgoing.”
“Cocky.”
“Accurate.”IreleaseherwristsandwaitforhertodowhatIcommand.Shedoesn’tmakemewaitlong.Ilikethisabouther,too.Howsometimesshefightsandsometimesshesubmits,andthesharpisjustassexyasthesweet.She’saperfectlycuratedgreenhouserose,toogorgeoustoberealandwithcurvesthatcreatethetemptationtoholdherinmyhands.Sotempting,it’seasytomissthethornsuntilonebitesdeep.
Ormaybeit’seasyforotherstoignorethethorns,seeingonlywhattheywanttosee.Notme.Ilikethethorns.Whatuseisadefenselessflowerexcepttoshoveinavaseandletwitheruntilitsonce-beautifulpetalsfalloff?
TheywanttodothattoHelen.
Fuck,wewanttodothattoHelen.
Therealizationmakesmeshift,notlikingthedirectionofmythoughts.PatroclusandIaren’tthesameastheotherchampions,therestoftheThirteen.Yes,IplantosquashHelen’sdreamwithmyown,butthatdoesn’tmeanIwanttowatchherwitheraway.Shedoesn’thavetobeArestogetwhatshewants.She’llfigurethatoutassoonasthiswholetournamentisover.
That’sfine.Idon’thavetoseeeverystepofthejourneytoknowmydestination.That’swhatPatroclusisfor.IhavenodoubtthathewantsHelen,too.He’llfindusawayforward.
IgrabHelen’sthighs,carefultoavoidthebruise,andspreadherwideforPatroclus.Hemakesadeepappreciativenoise,andIlaugh.“Somehow,yougetherpussyfirstagainandI’mstuckheredoingallthework.”
“It’sgoodforyounottogeteverythingyouwantrightwhenyouwantit.”Hedoesn’twaitforaresponsebeforehedipsdownanddragshistongueoverherexposedcenter.I’mtallenoughthatIgetagreatviewofhimeatingherout.She’sasperfectthereassheiseverywhereelse.I’mnotsureIbelieveinthegods,butiftheyexist,theyreallyspenttheextratimeformingthiswoman.
Shesquirmsinmyarms,butevenslipperyfrombeingintheshower,IholdherimmobileasPatroclusworksherclitwiththeflatofhistongue.Hegoesaboutitlikehegoesabouteverythinginlife:withutterprecisionandadeterminationtobethebest.Helen’sbreastsheavewitheverybreath,andimpatienceflickers.“Hurryupandmakehercome.It’smyturnnext.”
HelenturnsherheadandItaketheunspokenoffer,kissinghermouthevenasPatrocluskissesherpussy.Shetastesalittlelikehim,andtherealizationhasmycockhardeningtoanalmostpainfullevel.She’snotonetotakeherpleasure,thiskiss,passively.It’sabattlethesamewayeverythingbetweenusisabattle.
Andthenshe’scoming,moaningagainstmytongueandtryingtothrash.Itightenmygriponherthighs,enjoyingthewayhermusclesflexandfightagainstmyhands.She’sathleticasfuck.Bothtrialshavemorethanprovenwhatshe’scapableof.Ibetwecouldgetintosomecrazycreativepositionsbetweenthethreeofus.
Later.Afterthetournamentisoverandeveryoneishealthyandhealed.
IbreakthekissasPatrocluspushestohisfeetandreachesbehindustoturnoffthewater.“Bed.Now.”
“Don’thavetotellmetwice.”IcarefullysetHelendown…butonlylongenoughtograbherhipsandtossherovermyshoulder.Herscreechismusictomyears,andIcan’thelplaughingandgivingherassalightsmack.“Quiet.You’regoingtohavetheguardsbustingdownthedoor.”
“I’mgoingtokickyourass!”
“Nah,butifyouasknicely,I’llletyoukissit.”Igrinwhenshegivesanotherscreech.PatroclusandIgetroughsometimes,butwedon’tplaylikethis,thisfightingthatturnshotandchargedandmorphsintofucking.I’veneverhadthiswithanyonebutHelen.
Patroclusfollowsmeoutofthebathroom,astrangelookonhisfaceasIcarefullytossHelenontothebed.Shebounces,butshe’sfast,alreadyrollingbeforeshehitsthemattressasecondtime.Isnaghercalfandflipherontoherback.“Don’ttellmeoneorgasmwasenoughforyou.”Idodgeakickaimedatmyface.“Beagoodgirlandspreadyourlegs.”
“Fuckyou!”Herwordsareharsh,buthereyesdanceandshe’sobviouslyfightingdownasmile.
Ilaugh.Gods,thisisfun.“Ifyoudon’tplaynice,I’mgoingtotellPatroclustoholdyoudown.”
Herambergazeflickstohim,andIseetheexactmomentsherealizesthatwillgetheroffevenharder.“Ohno,”shedrawls.“Notthat.”WhenIdon’timmediatelymove,shecursesandtriestokickmeinthefaceagain.
Brat.
“Patroclus.”Idon’thavetoliftmyvoicebecausehe’sonlyafewfeetaway.“Holdherdown.”
Iwatchhimcloselyashemovesontothebed.Ifeitherofthemshowthefirstsignoftheirinjuriesbeingmoreseriousthantheyandthedoctorclaim,I’mshuttingthiswholethingdown.
PatrocluskneelsonthemattressaboveHelen’sheadandcatchesherwrists,pressingthemtothebed.Shestruggles,butIcantellshe’snotfightingashardasshecould.Icatchhereyeinghisribs,andmychestgoeswarmathowshe’stakingcareofhimwithoutbeingovertaboutit.Goodgirl.Imoveupbetweenherthighsandpressthemwideandup,spreadingherobscenely.
Whatapicturewemake.
Patroclusisbreathingharderthantheefforttoholdourprincessdownrequires,andhiscockissostiff,it’llbeafuckingmiracleifhedoesn’tcomejustfromtheforeplay.It’sfineifhedoes.Wehavealloftonightandtomorrow.IplanontuckingthesetwoinforsomerestafterIfucktheworryrightoutoftheirheads,butthatdoesn’tmeanithastoberushed.
EverymuscleinHelen’sbodyquiversasshetriestofightoursuperiorstrength.Herpussy,though?She’ssowet,she’spracticallydripping.Ilickmylipsandshemakesalittlewhimperingsoundthatgoesstraighttomyballs.Yeah,Ican’twaittogetmymouthalloverHelenKasiosagain.IglanceatPatroclus.Helooksturnedonandconflictedaboutit.
First,though,afewgroundrules.
“Youwanttostop,tellus.”
Helenblinksatme,alittlefrownpullingatthecornersofherlips.“Butsayingstopcanbesexy.”
“Say‘wait’instead,”Patroclussaysslowly.“We’llcheckin.”
Sheconsidersthisandfinallynods.“Okay,that’sfair.Samegoesforyoutwo,though.”
Idon’tbothertotellthemthatitwon’tbeanissuewithme.Iappreciatethethought.There’salevelofcaringthatI’veonlyexperiencedwithPatroclus,andI’mtooturnedontothinktoohardaboutit.Maybelater,whenI’mnotlookingattheperfectionthatisHelen’snakedbody,herpussyaninvitationIhavenointentionofdeclining.“Sure.”
“Yeah.”Patroclus’svoicehasgonehoarse.
Idon’tgiveherawarningbeforeImove,quicklyslidingdownandreleasingherthighs.SheonlyhasasecondtotensebeforeIbandmyforearmacrossthebackofherthighsandpressthemup.Ican’tspreadheraswidelikethis,butit’sfine.Idon’tneedtoinordertoaccomplishwhatIwant.Idragthetipofmyfingeroverherslit.“I’vechangedmymindaboutyou.”
“AskmeifIcare.”Thesharpwordsdon’tmatchherbreathytone.
“Youcare.”IholdhergazeasIpressasinglefingerintoher.Notenoughtodomorethanteaseher,thoughfuckshefeelsgood.“Doyouwanttoknowwhy?”
“Enlightenme.”
“BecauseIonlyplaywithpeopleIlike.”Ipressasecondfingerintoher.
It’sentertainingasfucktowatchherexpressionsflicker.Desireandconfusionandneed.“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
“I’mgoingtoplaywithyou,princess.”InodatPatroclusevenasItwistmywrist,exploringheruntilIfindthespotthatmakeshergiveanotherofthosedeliciouswhimpers.“Howmanytimesdoyouthinkwecanmakehercomebeforewecrash,Patroclus?”
Heblinks.“Youmeanbeforeherbodygivesout.”
“Ohmygods.”
IkeepstrokingherG-spotwithmyfingertipsandpretendtoconsider.“Sure.Beforeherbodygivesoutorbeforewecrash.Whichevercomesfirst.”
“Helencomesfirst.”Heshifts,pressingherwristsharderintothemattress.“Ithinkyoucanbeatourrecord.”
“Gameon.”
26
Helen
I’mstillhavingahardtimeprocessingthatI’mhere,inbetweenthesetwomen,whenAchillesstartseatingmeout.WhenPatroclusisbetweenmythighs,he’smethodical.Achillesgoesaftermelikehecan’tgetenough,likehe’slessworriedaboutgettingmeoffthanheisabouttastingeveryinchofme.It’ssexierthanIcouldhavedreamed,andallthewhilehekeepsupthatsteadyrhythmwithhisfingertipsinsideme.
Idon’trememberclosingmyeyes,butwhenIopenthem,Patroclusisstaringdownatme.Hestudiesmyfaceasifdeterminedtomemorizeeverypieceofme.Asifhecanseebeneathmyskintotheselfish,petty,ambitiouswomanbeneath.Heshiftsback,stillmaintaininghisgriponmywrists,andeasesdownontohisstomachonthebed.
Patroclus’slipsbrushtheshellofmyear.“Youfightsofuckinghard,Helen.Tobetakenseriously.Tobeseenasaperson.Toforgethowoftenneitherofthosethingshappen.”HespeaksinasoftmurmurcompletelyatoddswiththewayAchillesissuckingonmyclit.
Itense.Ididn’taskforthis.I’malreadyhelddownandspreadopen.Beingstrippedbare,too?It’stoomuch.“Stop.”
Betweenmythighs,Achillespauses,butstopisn’twait.Afterthebarestofhesitations,heresumes,settlingintoarhythmofrubbingtheflatofhistongueagainstmyclit.Mywholebodygoestightinresponse.“Please.”Idon’tknowwhatI’maskingfor.PatroclustostopbeforehesayssomethingIcan’ttake.Achillestomakemecomesohard,Istopthinkingentirely.Both.Neither.
Patroclus,devilonmyshoulder,justkeepsspillingwordsdirectlyintomyear.“Hasanyoneevertakencareofyou,Helen?Notasaprizetobeshownoffbutasawoman?”
Hemightaswellhavesplitopenmyribcageandrippedmyheartrightoutofmychest.Thisisonlysupposedtobesex,tobeaconvenientescapefromhowuglytheinsideofmyheadisrightnow.It’snosupposedtobePatroclusorAchilles—orboth—seeingme.“Stop,”Iwhisper.
“Doyoureallywantmetostop?”Hekissesmyneckandthennipsmyearlobe.“Itcouldbelikethis.Youdon’thavetopretendwithme—withus.Wedon’texpectperfection.Wejustwantyou.”
MyeyesburnandIblinkrapidly,hatingthetearsthatslipfree.Ican’tconcentrate,can’teventhink.“Youdon’t…”WhateverprotestI’mtryingtomakedisappearsasAchillessuckshardenoughonmyclittobowmyback.
Heshiftstonipfirstonethighandthentheother.“You’remakinghercry.”Ican’ttellifhe’spleasedorbotheredbyit.
“I’mjusttellingthetruth.”Patrocluskissesmyneckandmovestomyshoulder.“Youwanttokeepher.”PatrocluspausesasifwaitingforAchillestodenyit.Whenhestayssilent,Patrocluscontinues.“Wewanttokeepher.”
Keepme.
Theveryideashouldinfuriateme.Iamnotsomeonetobekept.ThewholereasonI’mhereinthefirstplaceistoavoidthatfate…
ExceptwhenPatroclussaystheywanttokeepme,itdoesn’tfeellikehe’ssayingtheywanttokeepmeinagildedcage,atrophywifetobringoutforpartiesandeventstoprovewhatbadassguystheyare.TamingHelenKasiosandallthatbullshit.
No,whenhesayskeep,itsoundsawholelotlike…
“You’rethinkingtoohard.Stopmakingherthinktoohard.”
Achillessoundssoirritated,Ismiledespitemyself.“Maybeyou’rejustnotdoingagoodenoughjob.”
Heliftsabrow,adevastatinglycockyexpressiononhisface.“Hmmm.GuessIneedtoupmygame,then.”HeglancesatPatroclus,andtheyshareoneofthosesilentconversationsIenvysomuch.Thistime,Igetflashesofintent.Achillesisaskingaquestion.Patroclusgruntsinresponse.Idon’tknowthenatureofthequestion,butI’mridiculouslypleasedtohavepickedupeventhatmuch.
SopleasedthatIdon’thavetimetotensebeforetheymoveasaunit.Patroclusgrabsmeunderthearmsandliftsmeasherises.HeeasesontohisbackonthebedwithmestraddlinghimfacingAchilles.“What…”MyvoicetrailsoffasAchilleswrapsafistaroundPatroclus’sbigcock.
Hegivesmethatwickedgrinthatpromisesallsortsoffunandpleasure.“Up.”
Nomistakinghisintent.IriseslowlyandbitemybottomlipashedragsPatroclus’scockthroughmyfolds.Backandforth.Backandforth.Hecatchesagainstmyentrance,andIstarttosinkdown,butPatroclusgrabsmyhips,holdingmeinposition.“Notyet.”
“ButIwantit.”
“Notevenaprincessalwaysgetswhatshewants.”AchillesstopsanyargumentbydippingdownandsuckingPatroclus’scockintohismouth.Hischeekshollowbeneathhisbeardandhehumswithobviouspleasure.
IgostillasIrealizewhat’shappening.He’stastingmeonhisboyfriend’scock.He’sobviouslyafanbecausehegivesPatroclusonelastroughsuckandthenhismouthisonmypussyagain.Thistime,thesightisevenbetterthanbefore.
Patroclus’shandsdentingtheskinatmyhipsashefightsbothmeandgravitytokeepmybodyaloft.HishardcockpracticallythrobbingwithneedandwetfromAchilles’smouth.Achilles’seyesholdingmygazeasheworksmyclitexactlyhowIneedtogetoff.
ForaslongasIlive,I’mnevergoingtoforgetmytimesharingabedwiththesemen.
Neverforget?ImightlaughifIcouldbreathethoughtheorgasmbarrelingdownuponme.MorelikeI’llbescandalizingmygrandchildrensomedayrecountingthetimeIallowedmyselftobeseducedbytwowarriormen.
Patroclus’shandstightenonmyhips,andit’stheonlywarningIgetbeforeheslamsmedownonhisthickcock.Ididn’tevenrealizeAchilleshadpositionedhimatmyentrance.
IcomesohardIscream,butAchillesdoesn’tstopthatdecadentmotionwithhistongueagainstmyclit.Patroclusstartsrockingmeonhiscock,thetiniestmovementthathasmytoescurling.“Gods!”
“Nah.”Achillesleansbackandlickshislips.Hisbeardissoakedfromme,andadark,possessivepartofmelovesthesight.Hekisseshiswayupmystomach,pausingtolavishmybreastswithattentionbeforekneelingbeforeus.Throughitall,Patrocluskeepsmerockingonhim,keepsmeonedge.Achillesframesmyfacewithhisbighands.Foronce,helooksdevastatinglyserious.“Letuskeepyou,Helen.”
Theshockofmyactualnameonhislipsnearlysucksmeunder.Ican’tsubmit,nottothis.Nothere,notnow,notwhensomuchisatstake.Itshouldhavebeenaneasythingtodeny.Onelittleword,twotinyletters.No
I…can’tsayit.
Ican’tagree,butIcan’tpushthemaway,either.
Instead,IdotheonlythingIcanthinkof.IhookAchilles’sthickneckandyankhimdowntoclaimhismouth.Ipoureverythingintothekiss,allmydoubtsandfearsandsorrow.Becausethiscan’tlast.Itdoesn’tmatterwhatthesetwomenthink,howrightthewordstheysay,howsafetheymakemefeel.Itsimplycannotlast.
Butwehavetonight.
Achillesgrowlsagainstmymouth.“Fine,then.”Hebreaksthekisslongenoughtograbapillow.“Lift.”
Patroclusalmostunseatsmewhenheobeys.IcatchmyselfonAchilles’sshouldersandforamomenthelooksatmelike…well,likehewantstokeepme.Thenheplantsthosemassivehandsonmyhips,liftingmeandturningmearoundtofacePatroclus.“Iwanttowatch,”Iprotest.
“Anothertime.”Hiscasualassurancethattherewillbeanothertimeshouldirritateme,butitmakesmeallmeltyinsideinstead.HeworksmedownonPatroclus’scock,andthatdrawsmyattentiontoourthird.
Gods,hehashisheartinhiseyes.
Irockmyhips,fuckinghimslowlyasAchillesclimbsoffthebedlongenoughtograblubefromthenightstand.PatrocluslooksatmelikeI’mapuzzle,amarvel,agift.Likehe’sinfullagreementwithAchillesaboutkeepingme.Thatshouldpissmeoff.Itreallyshould.
Butthen,nothingislikeitshouldbewiththesetwo.Theydefyexpectation.
Patroclusslideshishandsuptocupmybreasts.“Oneday.”
Ican’tquitecatchmybreath.“Oneday?”
“Onedayyou’llsayyes.”Hepullsmedownintoakiss.Iexpectsomethingsoftandsweetandmaybealittlepolite.Joke’sonme.Patrocluskissesmelikeheneedstheairinmylungstobreathe.Likeifhejustclaimsmymoutheffectivelyenough,he’llclaimmywords,myfuture,myeverything.Ican’tthinkpasttherushinginmyhead,pastthepleasurepulsinginsideme,soclosetocompletion.
ThebedgivesbeneathAchillesashecrawlstotakepositionbetweenPatroclus’sspreadthighs.Heshovesthemwideandupandmakesareallysexypleasedsound.“Ilikeyoutwolikethis.”Hedragsabigfingerdownthecenterofmyass.Patroclusjolts,sohemustbegettingthesametreatment.“Icouldhaveeitheroneofyou,”Achillesmuses.“Yeah,Ilikethisalot.”
Ibreakthekisslongenoughtosay,“You’retalkingtoomuch.”
“Nah,youlikeitwhenItalk.”
Patroclusgoestense,andIknowwithoutashadowofadoubtthatAchillesisfeedinghimhiscock.Withtheflickofaswitch,thisbecamemoreaboutPatroclus’spleasurethanitbecameaboutmine.IpressbackalittlesoIcanmovemoreeffectively…andsoIcangivehimashow.Thewayhewatchesmybody,it’slikehe’sstillnotquitesurethisisreal,buthereally,reallywantsittobe.
I’mnotsureit’sreal,either.
IliftmyarmsovermyheadasIrollmyhips,andit’sthemostnaturalthingintheworldtotwinethemaroundAchilles’sneck.He’stallenoughthatIhavetostretch,butthewayPatrocluscursesatthesight,it’smorethanworthit.
Patroclusmovesonehandfrommyhipstopresshisthumbagainstmyclit,andthenheholdsperfectlystillsoIcanrubagainsthimhowIneed.“Iwanttofeelyoucomeonmycockagain,Helen.”
“KeepitupandIwill,”Igasp.
Achillespalmsmybreastsashepicksuphispace,fuckingPatroclussoroughly,Icanfeeleverystroke.Soroughly,it’sasifhewantstoreassurehimselfthatPatroclusisokay,andthisistheonlywaytodoit.It’salmostlikethethruststartswithhimandcascadesinawavethroughPatroclustome,whereIriseandsinkbackdown,sendingitbacktoAchilles.It’ssurrealandsexy,andInever,everwantittostop.
Ineverwantanyofthistostop
Itfeelstoogood,though.Thepressurebuildsandbuilds,andIwanttofightitbutnotenoughtostoporslowdown.Achillesplucksatmynipples,littlepinpricksofpainthatonlyaddtoPatroclus’sthumbagainstmyclit,hiscockfillingmeentirely.Iopenmymouthtodemandmoreandthenit’stoolate.I’mcoming.
Istarttoslumpforward,buttheyholdmeupbetweenthem.Achillespicksuphispace,andIdazedlyrealizehewasholdingbackuntilnow.He’snotholdingbackanylonger.HisthrustshavePatroclus’scockmovinginsidemeandmyorgasmjustkeepscoming.Waveafterwave,untilitfeelslikemyveryboneshaveturnedliquid.Achillesholdsmesurprisinglygentlyconsideringhowhe’sfuckingPatroclus,andIswearIfeelhimkissmytemple.
Patrocluscurses.“Fuck,I’m—”Hisgriponmyhipsturnspunishingandthenhe’sdrivingupintome,yankingmedownontohimashecomessohard,Ifeelit.
AchillespressesmegentlydownagainstPatroclus’schest.Patrocluswastesnotimeinclaimingmymouthagain,butIbarelyhavetimetosinkintoitbeforeIfeelsomethingwetlashmyass.Ipullback.“Achilles.”
“Mmm.”
“Didyoujustcomeallovermyass?”
Hechuckles.“Yeah.”
Iwaitforirritation,butallIfeelisaridiculoussortofamusement.IgrindownatPatroclus.“Hereallylikestomarkhisterritory,doesn’the?Likeadog.”
“Nah.”Achillesslapsmyasslightly.“Justmarkingmyintent.”
Patroclusgivesachokedlaugh.“Stop.You’remakingherclencharoundmeandit’stoogood.”
“Shower.Thenbed.”
“Wejusthadashower,Achilles.”
“AndIjustgotyouallkindsoffilthy.Comeon.Itwillbefun.”Achillesslidesoffthebed,hooksmearoundthewaist,andliftsmeintohisarms.Idon’tscreechthistime.I’mstilltoobonelessfromtheorgasmand…MaybeIdon’ttotallyhatebeinghauledaroundbyAchilles.IlikethepossessivewayPatrocluswatchesusevenmoreashegingerlyhaulshimselfoffthebedandfollowsusintotheshower.
WebarelylastfiveminutesintheshowerbeforeAchillesisonhisknees,Patroclus’scockinhismouthandhisfingersburiedinmypussy.Atsomepoint,wetumblebackintothebed,wetandslipperyandintentonourpleasure.Overandoveragain,asifwe’reracingtheclocktopackasmanyorgasmsinbeforewehavetoreturntoreality.
Eventually,though,realityintercedes.Italwaysdoes.
Achillesstretches,looksattheclock,andsighs.“Bedtime.”Herollsoverandgrabsthephone.Ican’thelpappreciatingthewayhismusclesmove.Hereallydoeshavethebodyofawarrior.Onmyotherside,Patroclusshiftssohecancoasthishanddownmysidetomyhip.Notasexualtouch,butitfeelssogood,Inearlymoan.ThecasualintimacyissomethingI’mgoingtomissalmostasmuchasthesex.BothheandAchillesaresofreewiththeirtouch,withtheirwords.I’mgoingto…missthem.
“Youjusttensedup.Whatareyouthinking?”
Iwanttolieordosomethingtoturnawaythequestion,butmaybeI’mmorefuckedupthanIthought,becauseIanswerhonestly.“I’mgoingtomissyou.Notjustthesex,thoughthat’sfun,but…”Itryforashrug,butit’sratherchallengingtoshrugwhileflatonyourback.“It’snothing.”
“It’snotnothing.”Hebrushesmyhairbackfrommyface.ItryveryhardnottothinkofhowmuchamessImustlookrightnow.IhatethatParis’spoisonstilloccupiesspaceinmyheaddespitemybestefforts.Iknowhewasusingcriticismtomanipulateandcontrolme,butthatdoesn’tstopinsecurityfromlashingmeatthemostinconvenienttimes.
Patroclushesitates,hisdarkgazeflickingtoAchilles,who’sgonesilentandstillonmyotherside.“Youdon’thavetopretendwithus.”
“Iknow.”It’seventhetruth.That’snottheproblem,though.Pretendingandputtingonamaskaresecondnature,andevenifIfeelsafeenoughwiththesetwomentobemytrueself,thatdoesn’tchangehowfuckedupourcircumstancesare.“But—”
“Doyoualwaysborrowtrouble?”Achillessitsupandstretcheshisarmsoverhishead.“Thethirdtrialwilldecidethefuture.Nopointinworryingaboutituntilthen.”
“Achilles.”
Iglancebetweenthemen,butthistime,Ihavenoideawhatthey’reconveyingbackandforth.Whatmustitbeliketotrustsomeonethatmuch,tohavethatlevelofhistory,thatyoucanspeakwithoutwords?IcandoitwithErisabit,butthat’smoresharedtraumathananythingelse.AndmysilentconversationswithHermesandDionysusbasicallyconsistof“Canyoubelievethisbitch?”whileatDodonaTowerparties.WhatAchillesandPatroclushaveissomethingelsealtogether.
FinallyAchilleslooksdownatme.“Iwasn’ttalkingoutofmyassearlier.Wemeantokeepyou.”
“Youcan’tkeepaperson.”
“Allthesame.”
Ican’thavethisconversationagainwhileflatonmyback.Whyareweretreadingthisground?Nothing’schanged,nomatterhowmanyorgasmswe’veexchanged.We’vegonebeyondbeatingadeadhorsewiththissituation.Isitupandscootbacktopressagainsttheheadboard.“YouwanttobeAres.IwanttobeAres,too.Wearediametricallyopposed.”
“Onlyinthat.”
Asifit’sthateasy.“WhenIwin,you’llhavetogobacktobeingAthena’ssecond-in-command.You’llneverforgiveme.”
“Maybe.”Heshrugsthosewideshoulders.“AndwhenIwin,you’llloseoutonAresbutbecomemywife.”
Thethoughtisn’tasunattractiveasitwasthefirsttimeIthoughtit.IfIwereadifferentperson,maybetonightwouldbeenoughtomakemechangemymind,doubtmygoals.Itwouldn’tbesobadtobekeptbythismanandPatroclus.
Exceptbeingkeptisthethingthat’sslowlychokingthelifeoutofme.Nomatterhownicethecage,thebirdinsideisstilltrapped.BeingmarriedtooneoftheThirteenisnotthesamethingasbeingoneoftheThirteen.IfIfail,Iwillspendtherestofmylifeontheoutsidelookingin.“Youhonestlyexpectmetoacceptthat.”
“Ihonestlyexpectyoutoaccepttheresultsofthetournament,yeah.”Anotherofthoseshrugs.WhatmustitbeliketobeAchilles,totallyandcompletelysureofhisplaceintheworldandthepathlaidoutbeforehim?Ienvyhim,evenasIjustdon’tfuckingunderstandhoweasyitseemstobe.
Mystomachtwistsalittle,butIforcemyselftostarehimdown.“Soyou’llaccepttheresultsofthetournament,too?”MaybeIshouldleaveitalone,butIcan’tquitemakemyself.“Yousayyouwanttokeepme,bothofyou.SothatextendstomypotentiallywinningAres.If—when—Iwin,you’llstillwant…What?Arelationship?Isthatwhatyou’resaying?”
Achillessmiles.“Yeah,princess.Exactly.”Heanswerstooeasily,asifindulgingme.Asifhedoesn’tbelieveforasecondthatit’sreallyapossibility.“That’susuallywhat‘keeping’means.”
It’stoogoodtobetrue.Nomatterthestrengthoftheconnection,I’veonlyknownthesemenforafewdays.Relationshipsthatlastyearscouldn’tweatherwhatwe’reaboutto.Whataretheoddswewill?
Ipushthethoughtaway.Ican’taffordtoletmyselfgetderailedworryingaboutthingsthatmightormightnothappen.Eitheritwilloritwon’t.RuiningthingswithAchillesandPatroclusbasedontheories…Maybeitwouldbesmarter,butIdon’twanttodoit.
Instead,Istretch.“I’mtired.Let’sbrushourteeth,changethesheets,andgotobed.”Iignorethelittlevoiceinsidemewhisperingthatwe’reonlyplayinghouseandthiswillendintears.
EverythinginOlympusendsintears.
Youhavetotakeyourjoywhereyoucanfindit.
27
Patroclus
Forbetterorworse,we’reheadedforasingledestination.Therearenoexits,nodivergingpaths,nowaytochangewhatwillcome.Withinafewdays,thetitleforAreswillbeawardedtothewinnerofthistournament.Realitywillinvadethissafespacewe’vecreated.There’snoavoidingit.
Butnotyet.
“I’msurprisedyouconvincedBellerophontohavebreakfastdelivered.”Thelayoutisn’tfancy—eggs,hashbrowns,fruit,andpancakes—butit’smorethanIexpected.
AchillespullsoutachairforHelen,ignoringhersuspiciouslook,andgrins.“Bellerophonisbeingoverlycautiousleadinguptothethirdtrial.Addintheassassinationattempt,andthey’dratherkeepusasseparateaspossibleforthenexttwenty-fourhours.”
“Idon’tneedspecialtreatment,”Helensays.Sheexaminesthefoodavailableandfinallyaddsabitofeachtoherplate.“Idon’tliketheideaofhidingintheroom.ItlookslikeI’mscared.”
“Noonewillseeit.It’snotliketheytelevisewhatgoesoninthishouse.”Achillespauses,expressiongoingthoughtful.“ThoughBellerophondidsaytheyarecancelingtheinterviewsthatweresupposedtohappentoday.It’sasecurityrisk,thoughthey’respinningitassomethingelseforthepublic.”
“Godsforbidweprovidealessthanperfectimageforthepublic,”Imurmur.Isinkintotheemptychairandstartfillingaplate.I’mstarving.Spendingthenightexertingthekindofenergywedidwasn’twise,butIdon’tregretit.I’mnotpreparedtosaythatsometimesplansshouldbethrownout,butIcan’tdenythatIdidn’tplanonHelen.Itdoesn’tmatter.I’mstill100percentwithAchillesonfindingawaytomakethiswork.
She’sstillright,though.Thereisn’tasinglescenariothatisperfect.Theoddsaren’tinourfavor,but—
“Patroclus.”FromthepatientwayHelensaysmyname,it’snotthefirsttime.She’sgotthatlittleindulgentsmileonherface,andmywholebodygoeswarminresponse.Gods,thiswomandoessomethingtome.Idon’tfullyunderstandit,butI’mbeyondquestioningit.
“Yeah?”
“YourmomSthenele.ShewasalmostAphrodite,right?Itwaswhenwewerekids,butmydadusedtotalkaboutheralotbeforeyoumovedaway.”Helenglancesaway,ashadowflickeringoverherfacebeforesheseemstoputitaway.“Whydidshewithdrawhername?”
It’sanoldstory,butIdon’tmindretellingit.Igivetheuntouchedplateinfrontofherapointedlook.“EatwhileItellyou.”
“Bossy.”
“Youneedthecalories.”
Shegivesmeastubbornlook,butherambereyesdance.“Youaren’ttellingAchillestoeat.”
Itiltmyheadinhisdirection.He’screatedamoundingplateoffoodandisalreadyhalfwaythroughdevouringit.Whenhecatchesuslooking,heshrugs.“I’mhungry.”
Helenshakesherhead.“Okay,youhaveapoint.”Sheholdsmygazeandtakesadaintybiteoftheomelet.
Satisfiedshe’llcontinueeating,Ipourthreemugsofcoffeeandstartatthebeginning.“Mymoms—StheneleandPolymele—havebeentogethersincetheywereteenagers.”
“Likesomeoneelseweknow,”Achillesmutters.
Iignorehim.He’sheardthisstoryathousandtimes,andasaresult,Icanpredicthisinterruptionsthesamewayhecanpredicthowitunfolds.“They’rebothfromfamiliesthathavehadmembersintheThirteeninpastgenerations,andwithseveralofthetitlesprimedtoswitchover,theyhadagoodchanceatclaimingoneforthemselves.StheneleworkedunderthelastAphrodite,andshewasatopcontenderfortheposition.”ThelastAphroditelikedherquiteabit,Ithink,andsincethecurrentholderofthattitleistheonewhonamestheirheir,itmademymotherafront-runner.
“Whathappened?”
Iwaituntilshetakesanotherbitetolookaway.“Theywantedmorekids.Polymelewaspregnant.”Thedetailsarealittlehazyformeafterallthistime,butthethingIdorememberishowexcitedIwasatthethoughtofasibling…andhowquicklyjoyturnedtofear.“Therewasan,ah,attack.”
“WhathemeansisthatthebitchPeithoorchestratedanattackonPolymeleasawaytoputpressureonSthenele.”AchillesraiseshisbrowswhenIsigh.“What?It’sthetruth.Shedidit,eveniftheyneverprovedit.Andsheisabitch.Theyearshaven’tchangedthat,orshewouldn’tbeexiledrightnow.”
“Peitho…”Helen’seyesgowide.“That’sEros’smom’sname.IkindofforgotshehadonebeforebecomingAphrodite.”
“Yeah,well,she’snotAphroditeanymore,isshe?”Achillestakesamassivebiteofsandwich.
“Iguessshe’snot,”Helensaysfaintly.
Ileanbackinmychair.“Polymelemiscarried.”Mymomsstillgetkindofsadwhenthatsubjectcomesup.Itwasn’ttheonlymiscarriageshesufferedintheyearsafterthat.Theyusedtocallmetheirmiraclebabywithasmile,butIknowthefactI’manonlychildisabittersweetthingforbothofthem.“SthenelemadethedecisiontoresignherpositionandputasmuchdistancebetweenourfamilyandOlympianpoliticsaspossible.”
Helenstudiestheplateinfrontofher.“Whydidn’ttheystrikeback?RemovingPeithowouldhaveremovedthethreat.”
“Youknowbetter.”EvenexistingmostlyontheoutskirtsoftheThirteen,Iunderstandhowthingswork.There’salwaysanotherthreat,anotherenemy.Thepeoplewhostayandthriveinthatatmospherearewillingtopaytheprice—orallowthoseclosesttothemtopaytheprice.Mymomsdecidedthecostwastoohigh.
Shesighs.“Yeah.IguessIdoknowbetter.”Helenpicksupherforkandputsitdownagain.“That’sallveryromantic.Dotheyregretit?”
Ishrug.“Theywantedourfamilytobesafemorethantheywantedpower.Theyseemhappyenoughwiththeresults.”Igrewupinahouseholdfilledwithloveandsafety.Idon’tknowthatthelatterwouldbetrueifmymomshadchasedtheirambition.IstillrememberthetensionandfightstheyhadwhenIwassmall.Somuchisindistinct,butthatisn’t.Theyrelaxedoncewemoved,foughtless.
Shenodsslowly.“Andwhatdotheythinkofyoubeinginthetournament?”
“Theyknowthescore.”Achillessnorts.“PatroclusandIhavebeenonthispathalongtime.Theyknewwewereheadedforgloryandeverythingthatentails.”
Despitemyself,Ismile.Achillesoftenexasperatesmymoms,buttheylovehimnearlyasmuchasIdo.“Yeah,you’vehadyoureyeonthetopforalongtime.It’soneofthefirstthingsyoueversaidtomeinbootcamp.Youlookedaroundandsaid,‘Someday,everyoneinOlympusisgoingtoknowmyname.’”
Achillesdoesn’tbothertoblush.“IknowwhatIwant.”
Helen’sshouldersgotense,asuresignwe’reabouttoreenterourargumentaboutAresandwhatitmeansandwhatthefuturewillhold.We’llendupgoingincirclesagainandagain,becausethere’snosolution.Weonlyhavetheoriesrightnow.
Icutinbeforewecangoofftherails.“I’veshownyoumine.Nowshowmeyours.”
Hersmileishalf-heartedatbest.“Youhadahappychildhood,didn’tyou?Evenbeforeyoumoved?”
“Yeah.”It’sthetruth.Ineverwentwithout.Iknewmymomslovedme.Therewasthenormalkidshit,especiallybeingapersonwhoneedsalotoftimetothink,butnothingworthcommentingon.
“Ididn’t.”Sheflicksherhairoverhershoulder.“Allmyphysicalneedsweretakencareof.Iknow,Iknow,Achilles,poorlittlerichgirl,but…”
Helooksalittleguilty.“ButZeus.”
“Yeah,butZeus.”Shesighsandpushesherplateaway.She’seatenhalftheomeletandafewbitesoffruit,whichisn’tenough,butIdon’twanttopressherrightnow,notwhenshe’sloweringherwallsjustafewinches,lettingusseepartofhershe’skeptbackuntilnow.“Hekilledmymom.Iknowthat’stherumorandeveryonekindoftakesitassomethinglikeanurbanlegend,butit’sthetruth.Theywerefightingandheshovedherdownthestairs.Shesnappedherneck.”
Achillestensesandlookstome.Idon’tknowwhatI’msupposedtosaytothat.Saying“I’msorry”soundslikethebiggestbullshit.I’mstillwafflingoverresponseswhenHelencontinues.
“Idon’tsaythatsoyou’llfeelsorryforme.It’sjustoneofthemanysinstolayatmyfather’sfeet.Hewasamonster,andheraisedme,whichmakesmeatleastalittlebitmonstrous.”Shefinallyliftshergaze,andthedeterminationshiningfromherfaceisstaggering.“So,yeah,Iamaspoiledprincess,butthat’snotallIam.Isurvivedhim.I’llsurvivewhatevermysiblingsareplanning,too.MaybetherewasatimewhenImighthavegonealongwiththeirplans,atleastinpart,inordertokeepthepeace,butthat’snotwhoIamanymore.Ideservetobemorethanaprize.”
MychesttwingeswithastrengthI’mnotpreparedfor.“Helen…”
“Ineedalittlespace.I’mgoingtotrytotakeanap.”Shepushesupfromthetableandwalksdownthehalltothebedroom.Thedoorclosingsoundsunnaturallyloudinthesuite.
IturntoAchillesandsigh.“Thisisamess.”
“She’llgetoverherdisappointmentoncethisallshakesout.”He’sfrowning,though,andhepusheshisplateawaywithoutfinishingthefoodhe’dbeenworkinghiswaythrough.“Itmighttaketimetoearnherforgiveness,butwewill.”Hedoesn’tsoundasconfidentasnormal.“Shehastoforgiveus.”
Idon’tthinkHelenhastodoasinglething,uptoandincludingforgiveus.Notforthis.Itmakesmealittlesicktomystomach.Obviously,everyonewhoknewZeus’sreputationknewthathewasn’tagoodguy.Threedeadwives,morethanahandfulofwhisperedallegationsofassault,andasonheranoutoftownwhenhewouldn’tfallinline.Italladdsuptoanunsavorypicture.Idon’tknowhowIdidn’tconsiderwhatitwouldbelikegrowingupinthathousehold.IfIremembercorrectly,Helen’smotherdiedwhenshewasateenager.Herstepmomdidn’tlastmorethanahandfulofyearsafterZeusremarried.
Myskinprickles.“Whatifthisbreaksher?”
“Breaksher?”Achillesshakeshishead.“Haveyoumetthewoman?She’stoostrong,toofuckingstubborn.Shemightdoubtherselfsometimes,butlikeshesaid,she’sasurvivor.Itwilltakemorethanalittledisappointmenttobreakher.”
Iwanttobelievethat.Ido.Butpeoplearemorethanjustaproblemtobesolved.Emotionsoftenhavenothingtodowithlogic.Iftheydid,wewouldn’tbeinthissituationtobeginwith.“Ihopeso.”
Achillesflinches,thetiniestreaction.Heslumpsbackinhischair.“Idon’twanttobreakher,butI…”
“You’vewantedthisforalongtime.”HisreasonsforstrivingtoclaimtheArestitlearejustasvalidasHelen’s,justasrootedinpastpainanduncertainty.He’snolongerthepowerlesschildwhogrewupinoneofHera’sorphanagesandwaspalmedofftobeasoldierforAres.It’scompletelyunderstandablethathe’sseekingtocementhisplaceofpowerandambition.Failingtoclaimitprobablywon’tbreakhim,either,butAchilleshasneversufferedatruesetbackoncehe’sdecidedonanoutcome.Idon’tknowhowlosingwouldaffecthim.“Idon’tknowwhattheansweris.”
“That’safirst.”Hegivesatiredsmileandpushestohisfeet.Achillesclapsmeontheshoulder.“Let’scleanthisup,tossasnackforHelenintotheminifridgeincaseshegetshungrylater,anddosomerestorativeyoga.You’redoingashittyjobofcoveringuphowstiffyouare,anditwillprobablyhelp.”Hegivesatightsmile.“Whatevercomes,we’llfigureitout.”
“Nomatterwhat?”It’sachild’splea,withnobasisinlogic,butIcan’thelpmakingitallthesame.Iwantthembothhappy.Iwantthisnottobetheend.Foolish.Sofuckingfoolish.
“Yeah,Patroclus.Nomatterwhat.”
WeputtogethersomeleftoverstostoreintheminifridgeandsnagoneofBellerophon’speopletodisposeoftherest.Achilleslocksthedoor,andItakeonelastpassaroundthesuite.Withtheinterviewscanceled,wedon’thaveanywherewehavetobetoday,butthere’sstillthechanceofanotherassassinationattemptonHelen.Whoeverwaspissedshepassedthefirsttrialhastobefuriousthatshe’smovingontothefinal.
Theonlylightfightingbackthedarknessofthebedroomisfromacrackbetweenthecurtains.Helen’shuddledinthemiddleofthebed,thecoverspulleduparoundherhead.Shelookssmallerlikethis,andmychestgivesanotheruncomfortablelurch.No,notmychest.Myfuckingheart.AchillesisalwaysgoingonabouthowsoftIam,butit’snotthetruth.Icanbeplentycoldwhenthesituationrequiresit.Exceptthisone.Helen’splantedherrootsinmycenteroverthecourseofafewdays.Itshouldn’tbepossibleforittohappenthisquickly,butmymomalwaystalksabouthowshelookedacrosstheroom,sawmyothermom,andjustknew
IknewwhenIsawAchilles.MaybenotthatI’dbeinlovewithhimwithinaweekandwe’dspendthenexttwelveyearstogether,butIknewhe’dbeimportanttome.Thathealreadywasimportanttome.
Itdidn’thitlikealightningboltwithHelen.Notwhenwewerekids,andcertainlynotwhenwecollidedagainasadults.Itwasmorelikethetidecomingin,eachinteractionwithherawavethatbroughtmeclosertoheruntilthismoment.I’mdrowningbutIdon’tevenmissthetasteofair.Iwantthisnewreality.IwanttobeassureasAchillesthatit’spossibleevenifIcan’tseehowinthismoment.
IreturntofindAchilleshaspushedthecouchbacktocreateroom.HewatchesmecloselyasIeaseontotheground,eyesnarrowed.“Weweretooroughwithyoulastnight?”
“Ifyouweretooroughwithme,Iwouldhavesaidsomething.”Lastnight,thepleasurehadovercomemyachesandbruises,butAchilleswasrightwhenhesaidmybodyhadstiffenedupovernight.Iholdhisgaze.“Justbruisesandachymuscles.I’llbitchandmoanaboutit,butI’llbefine.”
“I’llholdyoutothat.”Hegrabsapillowandhelpsmegetintothefirstposition.Restorativeyogaisbasicallyjustholdingasinglepositionthat’sfullysupportedforseverallongminutes.It’saboutallI’mcapableofrightnow,whichirksme.
I’llrecover.Iknowthat.Butintimeforthethirdtrial?
“Iknowyou’reworriedaboutshit.We’llfigureitout.”Achillespropshiselbowsonhiskneesandleansagainstthecouch.“Trustme.”
“Ido.”It’seventhetruth.Ifanyonecanseeusthroughoutofsheerstubbornness,it’sthisman.WefallintoacomfortablesilenceasImoveintothenextposition.BythetimeIfinishup,I’mstillsoreasfuck,butmymindfeelscalmer.IallowAchillestopullmetomyfeetandhookthebackofhisnecktopullhimdownintoaquickkiss.“Iloveyou.Always.”
“Iloveyou,too.”Hesmacksmyass.“Nowlet’sgocuddleourprincess.Sheneedsthegrounding.”
“Okay.”He’sbeenrightaboutsomuch,sensingwhatHelenneedsbeforeIcanreasonthroughit.They’resimilarenoughinalotofways,sothatmightplayintoit.I’mnotsure.I’mhardlygoingtocomplainaboutthethreeofussharingabed.“I’lltakefirstwatch.”
“Inthebedroom.”
Ihesitate,butIdon’twanttoargue.FightingthisbecauseIshouldissilly.“Sure.”
“Let’sgo.”Ifollowhimintothebedroom,pausingonlylongenoughtoshutoffthehallwaylight.Heslidesbeneaththeblanketsononesideofthebed,andIcrawluptositagainsttheheadboardonherotherside.Helentenses.“DidIinviteyou?”
“Aw,princess.”Achillesdropsanarmoverherwaistanddragsherbackagainsthim.“Youwon’tmakeustakenapsonthecouch,willyou?Especiallysinceyou’reone-thirdresponsibleforallthelostsleeplastnight.Youalreadysaidhowuncomfortablethecouchis.”
Shesighs.“You’retryingtoprovokeme.”
“Nah,IjustwanttocuddleyouwhilePatrocluskeepswatch.”Hebrushesakissagainsthertemple.“Closeyoureyes.We’llkeepyousafe.”
SheshiftsandInearlystartlewhenherfingersbrushmyelbow.Shefollowsmyarmdowntomyhandandlacesherfingersthroughmine.Myhearttwistsandsurges,andIdon’tknowwhatthefuckishappening,butIthinkImightbefallinginlovewithHelenKasios.
28
Achilles
Themomentwewalkthroughthetunnelandintothearena,it’slikeenteringadifferentworld.Ithinkit’sthesheernoisethepeopleinthestandsmake.Itreverberatesthroughmybodyrightdowntomybones.Themazeisgoneasifit’dneverbeenheretobeginwith.Instead,theovalissandlikeitwasduringtheopeningceremony.They’rereallyleaningintothegladiatorshit,whichisaboutwhatIexpectedsincethefinaltrialiscombat.
LastpersonstandingbecomesthenextAres.
IglanceatPatroclus.He’sgothisgamefaceon,everyexpressionlockeddownandnothingslippingthrough.He’swearinghisnormalgymclothes,andhe’slimpingabit,buthe’smovingbetterthanhewasyesterday.That’sfine.Hedoesn’thavetobeintopformforthistrial.He’sheretowatchmyback,whichmeansthere’snoreasonforhimtobestickinghisneckout.
I’llmakesurehedoesn’tfeellikehehasto,evenifIhavetoeliminatehimmyself.
Ihaveonclothessimilartothelasttwotrials,goldandblackthatgivemeadarkprincekindofvibe.Orthat’swhatAthena’sdesignerinformedmewhenheputtogethertheclothingIwastowearforeacheventandtrial.
Helenisinherwarriorqueengetup.Iwatchedherputonthegoldenone-pieceearlier,andithadbeenentertainingandsexytohearherswearasshewrestleditupherbody,butIcan’tdenythattheoveralleffectisstunning.It’sabodysuitthatleavesherarmsbareandstopsafewinchesaboveherknees.There’splentyofgivesoshecanmove,buttheslicksurfaceissimilartotheonesheworeinthesecondtrial.Itwillmakeitdamnnearimpossibletograbherorpinher.She’spulledherhairbackintoabraidthingthat’spinneduparoundherhead—anotherpotentialhandholdgone—andthere’stheever-presentgoldglitterdustingherskin.
Shecatchesmewatchingher,andhergazeskatesawayfromme.She’sbeenlikethisallmorning.Skittish.Ican’tblameher,butpartofmewantstocomfortherwhenIshouldbefocusedonmyendgoalwithinsight.Passthistrial,winthenext.Aresissoclose,Icantasteit.
Thecamaraderiefromthesecondchallengeisgone.Wedon’thavethatpaddingbetweenusanylonger.Attheendofthistrial,oneofuswillhaveourdreamscrushed,andtheotherswillbelefttopickupthepieces.
Ashiverofforebodinggoesthroughme.Wewillpickupthepieces.Thethreeofustogetherwork,andthat’srareenoughthatI’mnotwillingtogiveitupwithoutafight.IlikeHelenawholefuckinglot.She’llforgivemeeventually.Shehasto.
ThecrowdquietsasthespotlightsmaketheirwaytoAthena.She’sinanothersuit,adeepamberonethistimethatisaboutasfancyasshegets.Shelooksgood,though.Shealwayslooksgood.Sheliftsherhands,instantlycommandingtheattentionofeveryoneinthespace.Whenthey’requietenough,shespeaks.“Thefinaltrialisthetrialofcombat.”Apausewhilepeoplelosetheirshit.Theyquietdownfasterthistime.“Thechampionswillfightuntilonlyoneremains.Eliminationisbytappingoutorfirstblood.”Shewavesagracefulhandtoencompasstheovalofsandwestandontheedgeof.“Chooseyourweapons,champions.Thetrialbeginsinthree…two…”
Patroclustenses.“Batons.”Hejerkshischintotheright,andIseeexactlywhathemeans.Thereareatrioofexpandablebatonshangingonarackhalfwayaroundthearenaontheright.Itmeansrunningpastseveraloptions,buthe’sright.Weshouldsticktowhatweknow.
“Yeah,okay.”
“Don’twaitforme.I’llberightbehindyou.”
HeturnstoHelen,butit’stoolate.Athena’svoicesays,“One.Begin.”Thecrowd’sscreamingdrownsouteverythingelse.
Idon’thesitate.Isprintacrossthesandtowardthebatons.Theymightnotbeflashy,buttheycanbreakboneeasilyenoughandhaveadecentreachonthem.Moreimportantly,weusethemregularlyduringourtasksforAthena.Theheavyhandleiscomfortableandfamiliaragainstmypalm.
Thefeelingofsomeonebehindmesurprisesme.SurelyPatroclusdidn’tkeepupwiththatsprint?Iturn,expectingtoseehimbesideme,butPatroclusisnowhereinsight.Instead,it’sParisbearingdownonme,adaggerinhishand.Thefuckerisaimingitrightbetweenmyshoulderblades.Idodgeback,thesandgivingbeneathmyfeetandthreateningmybalance.Fuck,weshouldhavethoughttopracticesparringinasandring.It’sacomplicationIhadn’tanticipated.
Parisstrikesagain,hisfaceamaskoffury.“Iknowyou’refuckingHelen!”
Igetmybatonupintime,andtheknifeslidesalongitsedge.Theguyisn’tgoingforfirstblood.Hewantsmedead.Thefeelingisentirelymutual.Istaggerbackanotherstep,allowinghimtothinkhe’sgotmeontheropes.“Didyousendtheassassin?”
Hepauses.“What?”
Hisconfusionseemsgenuine,butwhatdoIknow?Ididn’trealizePariswasapotentialthreatuntilIsawhimthroughHelen’seyes.Hecouldbelying.Ultimately,itdoesn’tmatter.IwouldhaveenjoyedeliminatinghimpersonallyevenbeforeIknewthathehurther,scaredher,madeherdoubtherself.Now,it’spersonal.
Isteptothesidetoavoidhisnextattack.He’sgood,buthe’snotbetterthanIam.Iwhipoutthebaton,sofastitmakesawhistlingnoise.Paristriestododge,butIcatchthetipoftheknifeandsenditspinningthoughtheairawayfromus.
Heflinchesandbacksaway,hishandsoutstretched.“Achilles,wait.”
“Youhurther.”Iattackagain.Again,hebarelyavoidsthestrike.“Shetrustedyou,andyouhurther.”
“Inevertouchedher!She’slying.”Hescramblesaway,barelystayingaheadofme.“It’sallbullshit.”
HisanklerollsandI’monhim,shovinghimoffhisfeetandintothesand.“Thebatonisn’tthebestoptiontodrawblood.”Ikickhim,flippinghimontohisback.“GuessI’llhavetohityouafewtimestomakesureyou’reeliminated.”
“Achilles!”
Iliftthebatonovermyhead.“Stoptalking,Paris.You’rejustgoingtomakemeangrier.”
“Patroclus!”Hepointsashakingfingerbehindme.
Iknowbetter.Truly,Ido.ButIstilltwisttolookbehindme.
IfindPatroclusinstantly.I’msureI’llalwaysfindhim,regardlessofhowmanypeoplestandbetweenus.Inanarenaofonlyfive,there’snothingtodistractfromthesceneplayingoutbeforeme.
TheMinotaurstalkshimacrossthesand,lightonhisfeetdespitehisbigbody.Patroclushasfoundasmallknifesomewhere,butitlookslikeatoyinhishand.TheMinotaurhasafuckingsword.It’soneofthebigones,bigenoughthathehastoholditwithtwohands.BigenoughtocutPatroclusinfuckinghalf.IglanceupatAthena,butshehasn’tmovedfromthespotwhereshestoodwhensheannouncedthestartofthetrial.There’sgoingtobenolast-minutesaveforanyofus.
PatrocluscouldtaketheMinotaurinafairfight.Probably.Butrightnow,whenhe’sfavoringhisankleandhasbruisedribslimitinghisrangeofmotion?It’sgoingtobeafuckingbloodbath.ThewaytheMinotaurswingsthatsword,hedoesn’tcareifheremoveslimbstogettoPatroclus’sblood.
He’llkillhim.
Evenasthethoughtcrossesmymind,HelenappearslikeanavenginggoddessbehindtheMinotaur.Sheraisesapairofdaggersandholdshisdeathinhergorgeousface.Ourwomandoesn’thesitate,strikingathisexposedback.
TheMinotaurmustsenseher,becausehespinseasilyoutofthewayandcutsbackatherwithastrokethatwouldtakeherheadifitlanded.Sheduckseasilybeneathit,butthatdoesn’tstopmylungsfromturningtostoneinmychest.Bothofthem.Bothofthemareinfuckingdanger,andthey’reoutmatched.
IftheMinotaurlandsablow…
Evenasthethoughtcrossesmymind,I’mmoving,leavingParisbehindandheadingforthem.Idon’tgiveafuckiftherulesdon’tencouragemurder.SomeonetriedtokillHeleninthehouse,andPatroclusisinjuredrightnow.ThewaytheMinotaurswingsthatswordhaseveryalarmbellinmyheadblaring.He’sswipingitatthemlikehewantstohurtthem.Helenisfierceandquickonherfeet,butshe’stoosmall.Shecan’ttakeevenonehitfromthatthing.She’lllosealimb,andthat’sthebest-casescenario.
AndPatroclus?He’llsacrificehimselfforher,thefool.Ialreadyknowit.
Ipickupmypace,thesandchurningbeneathmyfeetasIpeltacrossthespace.IfIcanjustgetthere,Icanstophim.I’mbetterthanthisfucker.IknowIam.
Helenshiftshergripontheknifelikeshemightthrowitbutseemstothinkbetterofit.Goodgirl.Nevertossaweaponthat’sstilluseful.Ishouldhavetoldherthat.Fuck,Ishouldhavetoldheralotofthings.
I’mtoofuckingfaraway.I’llnevermakeitintime.
TheMinotaurpicksupmomentum,spinningtheswordwithacomfortthatseemslikehe’sdoneitbefore.HelenandPatrocluscirclehim,butthey’retooawareofeachother,toodeterminedtosaveeachother.It’saglaringfaultlinetoexploit,andtheMinotaurissmartenoughtodoexactlythat.
HeseemstofocusonHelen,pressingherhard.Shescramblesawayfromthespinningblade,butthesandistoounsteadybeneathherfeet.Patrocluslungestoshoveheroutoftheway,handoutstretchedandchestwideopen.
TheMinotaurdoesn’tmissabeat.Heshiftshisstance,reversinghiscut.
“No!”
Ithappenssofast.Toofast.
Thesworddescends.Patroclus’sbloodsprays,turninghiswhiteshirtred.Hesinkstohiskneesalmostinslowmotion,shockwrittenoverhishandsomeface,andtopplestothesand.
“No!”
Aboveus,hisfaceflasheswithEliminatedwrittenoverit.Idon’tgiveashit.Iflyacrossthesand,movingfasterthanIeverhavebefore.Tooslow.Allthistraining,yearsoftraining,andwhenitcounts,I’mtoodamnslow.IskidtoastopinfrontofPatroclus,butthere’snotime.Ican’tgotomykneeswiththeenemystandingoverus.
“Thereyouare.”TheMinotaurswingstheswordagain.Hedoesn’tlookhappywiththedamagehe’scaused.Hedoesn’tlooklikeanythingatall,hisexpressioncuriouslyblank.“Tookyoulongenoughtogethere.”Hestepsforward,hisswordpickingupspeedagain.“Figuredyou’dbothcomerunningwhenyourlittleboyfriendwasthreatened.”
HowcouldIdoanythingelse?PatroclusisonlyinthisarenarightnowbecauseIwantedhimhere.Heneverwouldhavechosenitonhisown.Iliftmybaton.Itseemsapatheticdefenseagainsthissword.“Let’sdothis.”
“Gladly.”
Hecomesatmelikeatornado,tooquick,theswordseemingtobeeverywhereatonce.Ilandastrikeonhisthigh,butitbarelyslowshimdown.Holyfuck,themanisamonster.
I…don’tknowifIcanbeathim.
Thethoughtstaggersme.I’veneverdoubteduntilnow,whenitmattersthemost.IfIcan’tdothis…Idodgeanastybackswing.Heshouldbeslowingdownbynow.Thoseswordsaren’tlight,andhehasn’tbeenconservingenergyandmovementsincethisstarted.Excepthe’snotslowingdown.
Iam.
WherethefuckdidHelengo?
Asifthethoughtsummonsher,Icatchsightofmovementbehindhim,aflashofgoldinthebrightstadiumlights.It’stheonlywarningwehavebeforeHelenlaunchesherselfontohisback.Shehasherknifeinadeathgrip,andforoneendlessbeatofmyheart,Ithinkshemeanstoslithisthroat.Instead,shedragsthetipdownthesideofhisface,spillinghisbloodtomixwithPatroclus’sathisfeet.“You’redone,asshole.”
Heshakesheroffwithouttheslightestbitofeffort.Shelandsonherfeet,butonlybarely.Thathesitationcostsher.TheMinotaurspinsonherandbringstheswordoverhishead.Shocknearlyrootsmyfeettotheground.Whatthefuckishedoing?Beingeliminatedmeansstoppingrightfuckingnow.Whythefuckishestillfighting?
Instincttakesoverbeforemybrainhasachancetocatchup.Ithrowmyselfathisback,takinghimdowninamessyflyingtackle.Wehitthesandhard,buthe’salreadyswingingthosemeatyfists,pummelingmysides.
Ishoulddisentanglefromhim,shouldlettherefstakeoverandhandlethisbecausethat’stheirfuckingjob.Idon’t.AllIcanseeishimswingingonHelen,cuttingPatroclusdown.Hemeanttokillthem.
Iwon’tlethimhaveanotherchanceatit.
EachpunchIlandonhisfaceisonelesschancehe’llhavetohurtthoseIloveagain.Onestrikeclosertoremovinghimasathreatentirely.Hewon’ttouchthemagain.I’llmakefuckingsureofit.
HandsgrabmyarmsandI’mhauledofftheMinotaurbytworefs.Hestartstositupbutathirdrefgrabshimandshoveshimbacktothesand.Istarttostruggle,buttherefonmyrightgetsinmyface.“You’reeliminated.Standdown.”
“What?”
“Bloodwasdrawn.”Therefpointsatmycalf.
Ifollowtheirmotionandgostill.There’sanarrowstickingoutofmycalf.Ididn’tevenfeelit.IlookupslowlytoseeParisstandingagooddistanceaway,abowinhishandsandasmirkonhisface.“Fuck.”
Mykneeshitthesand,andIhavenofuckingmemoryofdecidingtokneel.Ican’t…Ican’tthinkaboutbeingeliminatedrightnow.IcrawltoPatroclus.Hehashishandspressedtohisstomach,butthere’ssomuchfuckingblood.Iglareatthereferee.“Weneedamedic!”
Thewomanflinchesbutshakesherhead.“Nooneentersthearenauntilthetrialisover.”
IbendoverPatroclusandcoverhishandswithmine.“I’msogodsdamnedsorry.”
“Myfault.Too…slow.”Heturnshisheadtome,tooslow,toomucheffortbehindthesmallmove.“Achilles…”
“Thisisn’thowithappens.”Ican’tseemtoprocessthatI’vebeeneliminated.Itwasn’tsupposedtohappenlikethis.Wehadaplan.Fuck,Ihadaplan.TheMinotaur.ThenParis.“Helen.”
IlostsightofherwhenItackledtheMinotaur,butsurelysheisn’teliminated.IfPariswins…Wepromisedher.Wefuckingpromisedher,andIlostsightofeverythinginthelastfewminutes.
Itwisttolookforher.There.HelenstalksParis,furywrittenoverherperfectface.She’sstillonlygotthosefuckingdaggers,andhe’sgotanhonest-to-godsbowdrawnandpointedinherdirection.
Hecouldshoother.Hecouldfuckingkillher.
ParisletslooseanarrowandHelendancestotheside,dodgingitatthelastmoment.Shenarrowshereyesandpicksupherpace,sprintingtowardhim.Parisflinchesandscramblesforanotherarrow.He’sgotthemembeddedinthesandathisfeetlikehe’ssomeold-timewarriorinsteadofacowardlylittleprickwhosatbackandleteveryonefightitoutsohecouldpickoffthewinner.Hestringsanotherarrowandfires,butHelendropstothesandanditfliesoverherhead.
IchanceaglanceatPatroclus.He’sstillbreathingandhewrapshishandsaroundmywrists.Thestrengthofhisgripreassuresme.“She’lldoit.”
IfollowhisgazetoHelenagain.Iwanthertowin.OfcourseIdo.It’snotevenacontestbetweenherandParis.ButIcan’tthinkproperlyrightnow.NotwithherandPatroclusstillindanger.Notwithmyentireplanupended.
Athirdarrowflies.Shespinsoutofthewaylikeadancer,lightonherfeetandusingtheturntopickupmomentumuntilshe’sflyingoverthesand.
She’ssoclosenow.Lessthantenfeetfromhim.Parisgrabsanotherarrow,buthe’spanicking,hismovementsclumsy.Henearlydropsit.That’salltheopeningsheneeds.Thelittlefoolflingsoneofherknivesathim.Fiftypercentchanceithits,andeventhat’soptimistic.
Exceptitdoes.
Ittakeshimintheshoulder,spinningParisawayfromhisfuckingarrowsandintothewallsurroundingthemainarena.Heslidestotheground,clutchinghisshoulderandscreamingsomethingIcan’thearoverthecheersofthousandsofpeoplearoundus.
Helentakesonemorestepbeforesheseemstorememberherself.ShestraightensandturnstofaceAthena.Fromthisangle,Ican’tseeherexpression,butthere’safuryinthesetofhershouldersthatpracticallydaresAthenatodoanythingbutdeclareherthewinner.
Athenastaresdownatherforalongtime,longenoughforthecheerstodiedownandthesilencetogainaneeriequality.Finallysheliftsherhands.“Wehaveawinner.Congratulations…Ares.”
Thearenagoeswild.
Onthesand,medicsrushoutfromoneofthearches,teamssplittinguptotakeeachoftheinjuredchampions.Iwavemineoff.I’mbarelyinjured.Afuckingscratch.That’sallittooktosnatchmydreamsfromme.Iwassoclose.Sofuckingclose.
It’s…over.
I’velost.
Mydreamsaredeadandgone,andit’smyowndamnfault.
29
Helen
Ican’tstopshaking.IneedtoseePatroclus,tomakesurehe’sokay.Themedicshavehimonastretcher,andtheymovepastmeastheycarryhimoutofthearena.Ibarelygetaglimpseofhispalefacebeforehe’sgone.
TherefereesmarchtheMinotauroutbehindhim.Theykeeplookingatthebigmanasifthey’renotsurewhetherhe’llleavepeacefully.Hiswordsstillringinmyears.Figuredyou’dbothcomerunningwhenyourlittleboyfriendwasthreatened.HeusedPatroclustodrawAchillesandmetohim.Guilthasmeinachokehold.
IfI’dbeenstronger…
IfI’deliminatedtheMinotaurbeforehehadachancetonearlykillPatroclus…
If…
Achilleslimpstowardtheexit.Hebarelylooksatmeashepasses.Ishouldgivehimspace,shouldlethimprocesswhatthefuckjusthappened.Ihaven’tprocessedwhathappened,soIcan’timaginehehas.
ButIcan’t.Fearswampsme,strongerthanIcouldhaveanticipated.“Achilles.”
Hedoesn’tlookatme,doesn’tstop,doesn’tsomuchasslowdown.
Thefeelinggetsworse.“Achilles,talktome.”
Hebarelyhesitates.“Yougotwhatyouwanted,Helen.Getthatsadlookoffyourface.”He’sstillnotlookingatme,insteadofferingmehisperfectprofile.“Celebrate.”
Thebottomofmystomachdropsout.“Wasitallbullshit?Thetalkofthefutureandkeepingme?”
Heshakeshishead.“IhavetogowithPatroclustothehospital.I’lltalktoyoulater.”
Itdoesn’tsoundlikeapromise.Hetossesoutthewordsasifhe’llsaywhateverittakestoendthisconversation.Toend…this.
Idon’tcallhisnameagain.Istandthereandwatchhimwalkaway,takingachunkofmyheartwithhim.Whendidthathappen?I’vesaidfromthebeginningthatwedidn’thaveafuture.Notmeandhim.NotmeandPatroclus.Certainlynotthethreeofus.Itdoesn’tmatterhowwellwemeshedduringthetrialsorthewaytheyseemedtoseemeor…
Asobcatchesinmychest,butIrefusetoreleaseit.ThisiswhatIwanted,whatI’vefoughtsohardtoaccomplish.I’mrealizingmydreamsandensuringallofOlympusisforcedtotakemeseriously.
Achillesisright.Ishouldbecelebratinganddoingavictorylap.Ishouldn’tbestandinghereandtryingnottocry.
Bellerophonappearsatmysideasifbymagic,theirexpressioncarefullyblank.“Ineedyoutocomewithme,Ares.”
Ares.
Ididit.Ifuckingwon.NoonecanlookatmeandbelieveI’mjustaprettyface,apawntobemovedaboutthechessboardatthewhimofthosemorepowerfulthanIam.Ishouldbeelatedandcelebratingandridingahighunlikeanyother.
Instead,IjustwanttomakesurePatroclusisokay,totalktoAchillesproperlyandhavehimreassuremethateverythinghesaidyesterdaywasn’tjustbullshit.Thathereallymeantitnowthatwe’restaringthefuturerightintheface.
“Ares.”
Itakeabreathandtrytocalmmyracingheart,tothink.Myactionshaveconsequences:bothenteringthetournamentandwinningit.AsmuchasIwanttochaseafterAchillesandPatroclusuntilthisawfulgapingwoundinmychestishealed,becomingAresmeansIhaveresponsibilitiesbeyondmyownpersonalneeds.
Mymenwillhavetowait.Hopefullythey’llstillbethereformeaftereverythingthat’shappened.
I’vebarelyletmyselfconsiderthattheymightactuallybemine,andnowitmayverywellbeover.Iclosemyeyes,takeanotherbreath,andwhenIopenthem,Ihavemygamefaceon.IamAresandIwillnotbeunderestimated.
IsmileupatBellerophon.“Leadtheway.”
Theydon’tspeakuntilwe’veenteredoneofthearches—adifferentonethanwe’vebeenenteringandexitingforthetrials—andheadupaflightofstairs.“TherewillbeaformaleventintroducingyouasArestonight,butthetitlewasofficiallyyoursthemomentyouwonthethirdtrial.”
Ican’treadanythingintheirtoneabouttheirthoughtsonmywinning.That’sjustaswell.Plentyofpeoplewillbepissedaboutit,andIneedtogetusedtoit.Thatdoesn’tmeanIcan’tbegraciousinthismoment.“Thankyouforhostingthechampions.Iknowitwasn’taneasyduty.”
Bellerophondoesn’tcommentonthat.Wetakeanothersetofstairsup.Myadrenalineisstillgoingstrong,butIcanalreadysensethecrashcoming.Toomuch,tooquickly.ThisisexactlywhatIwanted,soIshouldbehappy,right?Idon’tunderstandthisstrangesenseoflossthatfeelslikesomeonewrappedmeinaleadblanketandtossedmeoffapier.
Theyopenthedooratthetopofthisflightofstairsandstepback.“They’rewaiting.”
Idon’tknowwhyI’msurprisedtoseemybrotherstandingnexttoAthena.Hemightnothavebeenvisibleintheboxseatwhenshemadetheannouncements,buthe’snotthetypetoletsomethingthisimportantpasswithoutwitnessingit.
Perseushasonacharcoal-graysuitwithacreamshirtunderneathit.Theonlysignthathe’slessthanperfectlyputtogetherarethefaintcreasesinhisslacksthatalmostlooklikehewasgrippingthefabricinhisfistslikeheusedtowhenhewasachildandtryingnottoreact.Butthat’sridiculous.Perseushasn’tshownthatkindoflossofcontrolsinceourmotherdied.Longer,even.
Athenawaitsforthedoortoshutbehindmetosigh.“Well,youfuckedthatrightup,didn’tyou?”
“Excuseme?”
“It’stoolatetoworryaboutitnow.You’reAres,forbetterorworse.”Shechecksherphone.“Ineedtogocheckonmymen.”
“Wait.”ThewordisoutbeforeIcancallitback.“IsPatroclusgoingtobeokay?”
Athena’sdarkeyesflash,theonlyoutwardsignthatshe’sfuriousrightnow.“He’sonhiswaytothehospitalnow.Thedamagewastoomuchforthemedicstohandle,soit’llbeuptothesurgeon.Theyhaddamnwellbettersavehim.”
Savehim.Becausehemightdie.
“No.”Panicflares,strongenoughtorockmebackonmyheels.Iturnforthedoor.“I’mcomingtoo.”
“Plantyourfeet,Ares,”shesnaps.Shewaitsformetolookatheragaintocontinue.“You’renewtotheThirteen,soI’llletthatinsultslidedespitethefactthatyoushouldknowbetter,beingaKasios.YouareAresnow.”Shespeaksslowly,butit’snotpatronizing.“IamAthena.Thosemen,AchillesandPatroclus?They’remypeople,whichmeansthey’remyresponsibility.DonotspendyourfirstdayasAressteppingonmytoes,orI’llmakeyouregretit.”
Iopenmymouthtoarguebutmanagetoholdthewordsbackatthelastminute.She’sright.Itdoesn’tmatterwhatpromisesthemenandImade…Exceptweretheypromises?TheycertainlysoundedlikeitwhenAchillesspokewithsuchconfidence,butthatwasbeforehebrushedmeoffjustnow,beforehewalkedawaywithoutlookingback.
He’snevergoingtoforgiveyou.Itwasanicedreamwhileitlasted,butit’sovernow.
Iinhaleslowly.IfIignoreAthena’swarningandshowupatthehospital,there’sadecentchanceneitherofthemenwillwanttoseeme.Idon’tthinktheylied,exactly,butIknowhowquicklypeoplestopsayingwhatyouwanttohearwhenyoustopgivingthemwhattheywant.
Achillesthoughthe’dbecomeAres.Whenhemadethosepromises,itwaswiththeintentofmebendingwhenallthechipsweredown.HeneveractuallythoughtIhadachanceofwinning,andhisconfidencereflectedthat.Nowthathe’slosthisdream?
Hewon’tforgiveme.
Hecertainlywon’tplaysecondfiddletomebeingAres.
Iswallowhard.WouldIfeeldifferentlyifourpositionswerereversed?It’seasytopretendIwouldhavegottenoveritandwe’ddanceourwaytosomehappylittletriad,butthelossofsomethingI’vewantedwitheveryfiberofmybeing?Ican’tsayI’dbeabletolookhimintheface,marriedorno.
WhenIspeak,mytoneisperfectlycordial,doingnothingtoreflectthelossdrivingitsrootsdeepintome.“Ofcourse,Athena.Myapologies.”
“Better.”Shesweepspastmeandoutoftheroom.
IcanseethestormbrewinginPerseus’sblueeyes,andIwantnothingmorethantofollowAthenaoutthedoortoavoidit,butIdidn’tcomethisfartobecowardlywhenitcounted.IgotwhatIwanted,andthatmeansfacingdowntheconsequencesofmyactions.
I’moneoftheThirteennow,afterall.Iliftmychin.“Zeus.”
“No.Youdon’tgettocallmeZeusrightnow.”Hedragshishandsthroughhishair.“Whatthefuck,Helen?Doyouknowthetroubleyou’vecaused?I’vebeenputtingoutfuckingfiresforthelastweekwhileyougallivantedaround—”
“I’mgoingtostopyouthere.”Istarttowrapmyarmsaroundmyselfbutstopandstraighten.“Youdon’tgettotakethehighroadwithme,Perseus.Yeah,Ibecameachampionwithouttalkingtoyoufirst,butafterIwasfuckingattacked,youdidn’tevencomebytoseeifIwasokay.”
Immediately,hegoescold.Coveringupmessieremotions.We’reallsuchliarsinmyfamily,myselfincluded.Mybrotherfinallysays,“Ihadmyreasons.”
“Dotell.”Iwait,buthedoesn’tseeminclinedtoshare.Fine.Idrawmyselfup.“AsthenewAres,Iwillbetakingthatprisonerback.They’rekeytodiscoveringtheresponsiblepartiesandensuringnootherattacksareleveledagainstothermembersoftheThirteenandtheirfamilies.AsAres,that’smyspecialty,andnotevenyoucanstopme.”
“Theyclaimeddiplomaticimmunity.”
Thatpullsmeupshort.“Excuseme?”
“Theattacker.TheywereoneofMinos’speople.”Hesaysitsocasually,histonebelyingthecarefulwayhewatchesmeasifImightspringintoviolenceatanymoment.“Theyweren’tacitizenofthecity,andassuch,Minosrequestedleavetobetheonetoexactpunishment.HeremovedthemfromOlympus.”
Iforcemyselfnottoreact,toslowdownlongenoughtopieceoutwhathe’ssaying…andwhatheisn’t.“Youcan’tseriouslybelievethatMinoshadnoknowledgeoftheattack.Thatdoesn’tevenmakesense.Whataretheoddsthatoneofhiscarefullyselectedpeoplerandomlydecidedtosneakintomyroomandtrytokillme?”
“Myhandsaretied.”
“Why?”Whenhedoesn’timmediatelyanswer,Ipress.“You’reZeus.YougettomaketheexecutivecallwhenitcomestostrangersinOlympus.There’snoreasontheyneedtobeherenowthatthetitleofAresisfilled.Youdon’thavetoletthemstay.Sendthemhome.”
Foramoment,Perseuslookssofuckingtiredthatifwewereahuggingfamily,Imighttrytohughim.Itdoesn’tlast.Hismomentsofweaknessneverdo.Heshakeshisheadandstraightenshisshoulders.“Thereareextenuatingcircumstances.”Foramoment,Ithinkhewon’tcontinue,buthesighs.“Isupposeyou’llbebriefedonitofficiallytomorrowwiththerestoftheThirteen.MinosbroughtnewsofacrediblethreatagainstOlympus.Hewantstocutadealinreturnforsharingthatinformation.”
Isnort.“Soundslikebullshittome.”
“Yeah.”Perseusgivesaghostofasmile.“Butbecauseofthesituation,Ican’tmakethecallbymyself.Itwillcometoavoteonhowtodealwithhim.Ifhe’stellingthetruthanddoeshavedetailsaboutthisthreatthatarevaluable…Wecan’taffordtoturnitaway.”
“Butwhy?We’reseparatefromtherestoftheworld.Whatcouldhepossiblyofferthatmakesitworththeriskofallowinghimtostaywithinthecitylimits?”
Helooksoutoverthearenaandthenbacktome.“Thebarrierisfailing.”
Igostill.“You’reshittingme.”Ishakemyhead,stunned.“How?Why?”
“IfIknewthat,Icouldfixit.Oratleasttry.”Hegivesaghostofasmile,butitfadesquickly.“It’seasiertoslipinandoutthanitwasagenerationago,evenadecadeago.We’veworkedhardtokeepitquiet,soonlytheThirteenandafewofPoseidon’speopleknow,butthatwon’tlastforlong.Wecannolongerguaranteethatwe’reprotectedfromoutsideassault.”
Truefearslicesthroughme.Thisisbig.Reallybig.Ifwehavetogotowar,ahugeportionoftheresponsibilityforsoldiersandcombatwillrestonmyshoulders,andasAchilleswasquicktopointoutbefore,IhaveasteeplearningcurveaheadofmebeforeI’mreadyforsomethinglikethat.“Perseus,surelythere’sinformationinthearchivesaboutthebarrier.”I’velookedmyself,buttherearesectionsthatonlyApollohasaccessto,andhe’snotthesharingtype.He’danswerZeus’squestions,though.Hewouldn’thaveachoice.“There’s—”
“We’vebeenlooking.”Mybrothershakeshishead.“Therecordsweredestroyedatsomepoint,andiftherearebackups,wecan’tfindthem.It’sthefirstthingItaskedApollowithwhenItookover.”Hismouthtwists.“Ourfatherdidn’tfeelitwasahighenoughprioritytoinvestigate.”
“Ihadnoidea,”Isayfaintly.
“Wearen’texactlyadvertisingit.”Herunshishandsthroughhishair.“Idon’tknowhowlongthebarrierwilllastorifitwillsurviveafull-onassault.Nomatterhowdistastefulthetransaction,wecan’taffordtorefuseanypotentialinformationMinoshas.”Hemeetsmygaze.“NotevenifIsuspecthimofbeingresponsiblefortheattackonyou.”
Iwanttobemadaboutthat,butIcan’t.Imightnotlikebeingleftinthedark,butIcan’tdenythatmybrotherisdoinghisbestforOlympus.Iswallowhard.“Isee.”
“LikeIsaid,we’lldiscussoptionsinfullinafewdayswhentheentireThirteenmeets.”
Itstrikesmethen,whythisfeelssodifferent.“DadneverhadthewholeThirteenmeet.Hejustmadeexecutivedecisionsandexpectedeveryonetofallinline.”
“Iknow.”Perseuslooksaway.“I’mnothim,Helen.Imightbeamonster,butI’mOlympus’smonster.EverythingIdo,Idoforthiscityandthepeopleinit.WeneedtheentireThirteenunifiedifthere’sanoutsidethreat.”Hepauses.“Willyoustandwithme?”
Whatkindofquestionisthat?ExceptasIconsiderit,considerhim,IrealizeI’mnotasurethingfromPerseus’sview.He’streatedmelikeapiecetobemovedabouttheboard,hasusedandmisusedme.Ourfatherpreachedloyaltytofamilyaboveallelse,butwebothknowit’sbullshit.Gods,Perseushasn’tevengivenaproperapology,andasmuchasIlovehim,Iknowbetterthantoholdmybreathandwaitforone.Icould—should—hatemybrotherforwhathe’sdone.
ButthisisOlympus.
We’reallmonstershere.
Evenmonstershavetoworktogetherwhenthreatenedbyanoutsideforce.I’msureAchilles…Istopthethoughtbeforeitcanreachcompletion.Itdoesn’tmatterwhatAchilleswouldorwouldn’tdo.Ican’tmakedecisionsbasedonhisandPatroclus’stheoreticalpositioninmylifewhenit’sallbutguaranteedthey’llneverwanttoseemeagain.
HelenKasiosmayhavehadtimeandspacetomournsomethinglikethelosscurrentlyresidingdeepinsideme.Aresdoesn’t.WiththesafetyofOlympusinthebalance,Iwilldomyduty.“Yes,”Ifinallysay.“I’llstandwithyou.”
Henodsandwalkspastmetothedoor,onlytopausewithhishandontheknob.“Helen.”
“Yes?”
“YoubeingAresfucksthingsup.ItwillmakeithardertogetsomemembersoftheThirteenonourside.Itmakesourfamilylookpower-hungryandgreedy,whichcomplicateseveryone’slife.”
Thewordssting,butImanagetokeepasarcasticreplyinternal.Mostly.“And?”
Heglancesoverhisshoulder.Foramoment,thebriefestblink,hiseyeswarmupandhissmileisbrightandsharpjustlikeitusedtobebeforeourfatherbeateverysoftemotionoutofhim.“I’mproudofyou.Youwereamazingoutthere.”HeopensthedoorandwalksoutoftheroombeforeIcanworkthoughmyshocktocomeupwithananswer.
Mybrotherisproudofme.
Maybepigswillflynext.
Stillnotanapology.Ishakemyhead.ApparentlyIcan’thelpwishingforthemoonevenwhenI’mgettingeverythingIeverwanted.It’sexceedinglyfrustratingtohavetokeepremindingmyselfofthatfact.
“IamAres.Ididit.”Evenspeakingitalouddoesnothingtodispelthecloudoflossaroundme.Thefeelinginmythroatgetsworse.Ipressmyhandthere,asifthephysicaltouchcandoanythingtoalleviatetheemotional.“Damnit.”IunderstandthatAchilleswasworriedaboutPatroclus.I’mworriedaboutPatroclus.But…couldn’thehavethrownmeasinglesentenceofcomfort?Somethingtoconveythatwewouldtalklaterratherthanbrushingmeoff?
Ican’tgotohim.NotwithoutpissingoffAthena,butevenwithoutherinplay,itfeelswrongtoshowupuninvited.Iftheydon’twanttoseeme,it’scrueltoforcethemto.
BeforeIcantakeastep,thedoorfliesopenandEris,Hermes,andDionysuspourintotheroom,towingErosandPsychebehindthem.DionysussweepsmeupintoahugandspinsmearounduntilIfeelsick.“Ares!Lookatyou,littlewarrior!”
“Putherdownbeforeshebarfsonyou.”Erisbarelyletsmyfeettouchthegroundbeforeshetakesmyshoulders.“Youarethebiggestpainintheassabigsistercouldbe,butyouwerewonderfuloutthere.Thewayyouhandledthemaze!EliminatingtheMinotaur!”Sheshakesherhead.“Alwaysanagentofchaos.”
“Always,”Isayfaintly.
Ishouldbehappytoseemyfriends.ThisiswhatIwanted,afterall.Westandonthesamelevelnow.I’mnolongerbeingleftbehind.Ijust…Ididn’texpectthewintofeelsohollow.
AsDionysusandEriscuttothebaratthebackoftheboxseat,HermesandPsychechateasilylikeoldfriends.ThisiswhatIwanted.ThisiseverythingIwanted.I’mAres.ToobaditfeelslikeI’mmissingalimb.
“Hey.”Erosnudgesmewithhisshoulder.Helooksasgoodasalways,forallthathe’sdresseddowninapairofjeansandaknitsweater.Hiswife’sinfluence,nodoubt.Theobviouswaytheyloveeachothermakesmychestache
“Hey.”Itryforasmile,butitwobblesaroundtheedges.
HewatchesPsychelaughatsomethingHermessayswhileDionysuspoursoutsixdrinks.“Hermestoldmeawildrumorafewdaysago.”Hesaysitsocasually,voicepitchedlowtoonlycarrytome.“Sheclaimsyou’rehookingupwithbothAchillesandPatroclus.”
Thewobbleinmybottomlipgetsworsedespitemyself.“Ilikethem.Forreal.Maybemorethanlike.”Idon’tknowwhyI’mconfessingtohim.We’refriends,butsomewoundsarebestkepthidden.Ican’tquiteseemtomanageitinthefaceofhispresence.
“Sometimeslovecomesatyoufast.”HisblueeyeswarmwhenPsychelaughsagain.She’saprettyplus-sizedwhitewomanwithexcellentstyleandoneofthesavviestmindsI’veeverencountered.Sheplaysitdownandpretendsshe’sjustasocial-mediainfluencer—allbeautyandnobrains—butshe’sequallyasdangerousashermother,Demeter.Ilikeherquiteabit.Shemakesmyfriendhappy,andshe’sgivenhimachanceforrealloveforthefirsttimeinhislife.
“You’vegotrose-tintedglasseson,Eros.Whatyouhaveisrarerthanreddiamonds.Noteveryonegetsthat.”
“Maybe.”Heshrugs.“Youwon’tknowuntilyoutry.”
Youwon’tknowuntilyoutry.
BecomingAreshascomplicatedthat.Ican’tgettoPatroclusandAchilleswithoutsteppingonAthena’stoes,andthatisn’tanoption.NotwhenitmightmeanasplitThirteen.Mybrother’sright;ifthere’sanoutsidethreat,ourpettyrivalriesshouldn’tstandinthewayofanalliedThirteen.Unfortunately,Iknowtoowellhowshoulddoesn’tmeanshit.Ican’tthreatenthat.Ican’t.
ButErosisn’toneoftheThirteen.
“RememberthattimeIbankedafavorfromyou?”Iwaitforhimtonodtocontinue.“I’dliketocallitinnow,please.”
“I’mlistening.”
Ishiftcloserandlowermyvoice.“WouldyoucheckonPatroclus?HewasinjuredandIwanttomakesurehe’sokay.Ican’tdoitwithoutsteppingonAthena’stoes,andshe’llneverforgivemeforstartingoutmytimeasAresbyfuckingwithher.”
Erosliftshisbrows.“Thatall?”
Wasthatall?Thecowardlypartofmewantstoleaveitatthat,butI’vecomethisfar.Maybemyfeelingsformymenwillblowupinmyface,butifIdon’ttry,thenitdefinitelywill.Idraginabreath.“Andtellthem…”Gods,whyisitsohardtogetthisout?“TellthemthatIstillwantthatprettyfuturetheypainted.Iftheydo,thatis.”
Hewaits,butwhatelseistheretosay?ThatIthinkImighthavegonestraightpastfallinginloveandintoloveitself?ThatIwantAchilles’swonderfulandaggravatingassuranceatmybackforwhatevercomesnext,nomatterhowlargeorsmall?ThatIwantPatroclus’sbrilliantmindandsterndeterminationtotakecareofus?Eroswouldn’tunderstand,andlayingmyselfbareeventhismuchisalmostmorethanIcanhandle.“That’sall.”
Henods.“Doyouwantmetogonow?”
ThelongerIhavetowaitforananswer,theworseitwillbe.Notjustforwhathappensnext.Patroclushastobeokay.Hehastobe.“Please.”
“Consideritdone.”Erosslingsanarmaroundmyshouldersandpullsmeintoabriefhug.Hekissesthetopofmyhead.“Youdidwelloutthere.Kickedalotofass.”
“Thanks.”Imanageasmilethistime,butbarely.Nomatterwhatwesaidyesterday,thereisnohappily-ever-afterguaranteed.AchillesbelievedwithhiswholeheartthathewouldbecomeAres.Howcanhestandnexttomewhenitwillfeellikehe’sstandinginmyshadow?AndPatroclus?Nomatterhowstrongourconnectionandhistory,hehasafoundation-deeplovewithAchilles.Ifitbecomesachoicebetweenthetwoofus,it’snochoiceatall.Iwouldneveraskthatofhim,either.
Iinhaleslowlyandexhalejustasslowly.I’mdirtyandsweatyandexhausted,andallIwanttodoisgohomeandsleepforthreedaysuntilthisnewworldsettlesaroundme.ThatmighthavebeenanoptionforHelen,butit’snotanoptionforAres.
Isquaremyshoulders,pasteasmileonmyface,andheadtojoinmysisterandfriendsatthebox-seatbar.
30
Achilles
Igostraightfromthearenatothehospital,followingtheambulancetheystuffedPatroclusinto.Heneedssurgery,thoughthenurseskeeptellingmeitisn’tserious,thatthedoctorisoptimistic,thathe’llbejustfine.Optimistic.Thatshitisn’tasurething.Ipacearoundthewaitingroomuntiltheyfindanemptyroomtostashmein.
Iwaitandwaitandwait.I’mpracticallyclimbingthewallsastheminutestickbywithoutnews,twothoughtsrollingthroughmyheadatregularintervals.
Ineedhimtobeokay.
Helenshouldbehere.
Exceptshe’snotHelenanymore,isshe?She’sAres.Shegotwhatshealwayswanted,snatchedthatshitrightoutofmyhandsevenifshewasn’ttheonetoeliminateme.Whywouldshebeworriedaboutme,aboutPatroclusnow?It’snotafairthought,butit’sclearshehasnointentionofcoming.Shewouldhaveshownupbynowifshewantedtobehere.
Morethanthat…Idon’tknowifI’mreadytoseeher.ThefutureIhadinmyhead,theoneI’dbeenworkingtowardforyears,isgone.Nomatterwhatelseistrue,IwillneverbeAresnow.Withoutthattitle…
Idragmyhandsovermyface.Idon’tknowwhatthefuckI’mdoing.Ican’tfindmyfeet,can’tfigureoutnextsteps,untilIknowPatroclusisokay.He’llfigureoutthefutureforbothofus.
Unlesshedoesn’twantmeanymore.I’mnotthewinnerhefellinlovewith.It’smyfaulthegothurt.Hewouldn’tevenhavebeeninthetournamentifnotforme.HebeggedmetoleavehimbehindinthesecondtrialandIignoredhim.
Icurse.Patrocluswouldn’tdumpmefornotsecuringthetitle.That’snothowheoperates,nomatterwhatmysuddeninsecurityissureof.No,it’sfarmorelikelythatthingswithPatrocluswillfallapartifwecan’tfindawayforwardwithHelen.Hegotatasteofhowwellshebalancedthetwoofus.Howcanhebesatisfiedwithonlymenowthathe’shadher,too?
Aknockonthedoorhasmespinningonmyheel,butthepersonwhostepsinsideisn’tanurseandit’ssureasfucknotHelen.It’sEros.Iknowwhoheis,knowwhohismotherwastoPatroclus’smoms.Enemy.Rival.Danger.ErosandIhaveneverhadreasontocrosspaths.Heplaysthepartofthegoldenfuckboy,andI’mthesoldier.Oratleastboththosethingsusedtobetrue.NowEroshas,byallappearances,settleddownintodomesticlifewithPsycheDimitriou.
Andme?Idon’tknowwhoIamanymore.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”
“GivingHermesarespitefromplayingmessenger.”Heleansagainstthedoor.Hemightlooklikeaplayboy,buteveryoneknowstherumorabouthim.WhenhismotherwasstillAphrodite,hewasherfixer.Shepointedhimatthepeopleshewantedtakenoutandpulledthetrigger.Whatthefuckishedoinghere?
Icrossmyarmsovermychest.“I’mlistening.”
“Helencan’tcome.You’reAthena’speople,andshedoesn’twantthenewAresanywherenearyou.”Henarrowshiseyes.“Ialsogetthefeelingthatshe’snotsureofherwelcome.”
“Soundslikeexcusestome.”IfIwereinHelen’splace,IwouldhavetoldAthenatofuckoff,nomatterhowmuchIadmireher.Patroclusmattersmorethananything.
“Spokenlikeamanwithmorebrawnthanbrain.”
Istarttosnarlback,butIcan’thelpthinkingabouttheconversationwehadwithHelenafterthesecondtrial.Shemightnothaveanyexperienceleadingsoldiers,butherbrainismorethantwistyenoughtobeathomesteepedintheThirteen’sfucked-uppolitics.IhaveapriorrelationshipwithAthena,whichmighthavesmoothedthewaywhenIbecameAres,butIknowbetterthanmostthatshebendsfornoone.
WouldshetrulyhavekeptmefromPatroclus?
Thethoughtleavesmecold.
“Ah.Maybethereisabraininthereafterall.”Erosshrugs.“It’snotmybusiness.I’monlyheretodeliverHelen’smessage.Shesaid,andIquote,‘TellthemthatIstillwantthatprettyfuturetheypainted.Iftheydo,thatis.’”
Shewantsafuturewithus.Idon’tknowwhethertolaughorcurse.Thisisprobablysomefucked-upversionofkarmaforbeingsosurethatshe’dforgivemeifItookAresfromher,butit’snotthesame.It’snotthesame.WithoutAres,HelenisstillaKasios.Shemightbeapawnmovedaboutbyherbrother,butshehaspower.Onlyafoolwouldsayshedoesn’t.Peoplewillrememberherforever,wouldhaveevenbeforesheenteredhernameasacontenderforAres.
Evenbeforeshewon.
IknowwhoIamasAthena’ssecond-in-command.It’snottheroleIwantedtoplayforever,butIunderstandtheparameters.I’mgoodatit,too.Thebest.
IfIgambleitallonHelen,thatmeanssacrificingmyplacebeneathAthena.She’snotonetoallowherpeopletoservetwomasters,andstartingaromanticrelationshipwithAresisexactlythat.Leavinghercommandmeansthere’snogoingback.IfthingsfallapartwithHelen,I’lltrulybeleftwithnothing.“She’saskingtoomuch.”
“Ifyousayso.”ErossighslikeI’vedisappointedhim.Idon’tgethow.Ibarelyknowtheguy.“Look,Helenisafriend,soI’mgoingtobeuncharacteristicallystraightwithyou.HerchargingtoyoursideanddefyingAthenaonherfirstdayasAresmightsoundromanticasfuck,buteveryactionshemakesnowhasconsequences.There’ssomethinghappeninginOlympus,somethingbeyondthepettypolitics,andshecan’taffordtomakeenemiesrightnow.Notforanyone.It’snotjustyourlover’slifeontheline.”Hepullsopenthedoor.“I’llbeinthewaitingroomuntilPatroclusgetsoutofsurgerybecauseshewantsanupdateonhim.Ifyoudecideyouwanttosendamessageback,that’swhereyoucanfindme.”Heleaveswithoutanotherword.
“Dick,”Imutter.
Ican’tsettledown,though.Helen’swordsfromyesterdaycomebacktohauntme.HowshesaidIwasn’tpreparedforwhatitreallymeanstobeoneoftheThirteen.Ithoughtshewasfullofshitatthetime,butwhothefuckcaresaboutsomeoneandletspoliticsgetinthewayofmakingsurethey’reokay?
IknowwhatIwouldhavedoneinherposition.
Evenknowingtheremightbefar-reachingcomplications,Ican’tsayI’ddoanythingdifferentlyifIhadwonthetitleofAres.Patroclusismine.Olympuscanburnifitmeansmakingsurehe’sokay.
Rationally,IseewhyHelenmadethechoiceshedid,butIdon’tknowifitmatters.Theriskistoohighwithsolittleguaranteedpayoff.Forthefirsttimeinmylife,Ican’tseeawayforward.Idon’thavemyinternalassurancethatI’llrealizethefutureIwant.
I…failed.
I’llcometotermswiththat—Iknowmyselfwellenoughtounderstandthat—butIcan’tthinkofanythingatalluntilI’massuredPatroclusmadeitthroughsurgeryandIseehimwithmyowneyes.Everythingelsecanwaituntilthen.
Thedooropensagain,andthistimeit’sAthenawhoappears.Shelooksasperfectlyputtogetherassheappearedonthescreeninthearena,onlyafainttightnessaroundhereyesgivinglietotheimage.“Patroclusisoutofsurgeryandinrecovery.”SheholdsupahandwhenIstartforward.“Theyneedtimetogethimsettled,butassoonasit’spossible,you’llgetaccesstohisroom.”
Notsoonenough,butItrustAthena.Ifshesayshemadeitthroughsurgery,thenhedid.Iexhaleinarush.Reliefmakesmealittledizzy,butIcanbarelybelieveitfortruth.Ineedtoseehim.Ineedhimtoanchormeinthemiddleofthisstorm.Ican’tseeapath,butsurelyPatrocluswillbeableto.“Thisissofucked.”
“Withoutadoubt.”Sheshakesherheadslowly.“I’mgoingtobefrankwithyou.”
Istopshort.Athenadoesn’tusuallycouchhercriticismbyeasingpeopleintoit.She’sfrankandtothepoint,andthat’soneofthemanyreasonswearesoloyaltoher.“Whenareyouanythingbutbluntwithme?”
Shesmilesalittle,butitdoesn’treachhereyes.“We’reintrouble.Olympus.Idon’tknowallthedetailsyet,butMinosbroughtininformationwhenhebroughthispeople.There’sathreatonthehorizon,andIdon’tknowthatthebarrierwillprotectusfromit.”Shehesitatesbutfinallysays,“WeneededyouasAres.”
Bitternessclawsupmythroatatthereminderofmyfailure.Athenanevermentionedthattheremightbethepotentialforanattemptedinvasion,butitjustreinforcesthatwithmeasAres,therewouldbenounknowns.EventhoughI’mconflictedasfuckrightnow,Istillfindmyselfsaying,“Helenwillsurpriseyou.”
“Maybe.Istillwouldratherithavebeenyou.”
Ishrug,butI’munabletokeepthetensionoutofmyvoice.“TakethatupwithParis.”EasiertoblamehimthantoadmitIfuckedup.ThemomentHelenandPatrocluswereindanger,IforgotabouteliminatingParisandranforthem.IkeptfightingtheMinotaurevenafterhewaseliminatedbecauseIwantedtoremovehimasathreat—andthathadnothingtodowiththetournament.
HelenwastheonewhoeliminatedtheMinotauranddidn’tstickaroundtobeathimtoapulp.SheimmediatelywentforParis.That’swhyshewonandIdidn’t.IfI’dbeenpayingattention,IcouldhavedodgedParis’sarrows,too.
Ilostsightofmygoal.
Helendidn’t.
“Mmm.”Athenamovestothesinglewindowintheroomandstaresout.“He’sstillinsurgery.Itwillbeawhilebeforeweknowforsure,butit’slookinglikeHelendidpermanentdamagetohisshoulder.Hewon’teverdrawabowagain.”
“Consideringhowoftenpeopleusebows,Idoubtthatwillslowhimupany.”Whichisadamnshame.Thatassholebettercrawlbackintowhateverglitteringholeheleftwhenheenteredthetournament,becauseifIseehimonthestreet,I’mnotcertainI’llbeabletocontroltheimpulsetobeathishandsomefacein.
“Allthesame.”Sheshrugs.“Eitherway,wedon’tdealwiththingsaswewishtheywere;wedealwiththemasrealitydealsusthecards.HelenKasiosjustbecameAresinamomentwhenweneedsomeonewithmilitaryexperience.It’snotideal.”
She’snotwrong,butitstillpricksatmetohearhertalkaboutHelenthatway.“Shemightnothavethecombatexperience,butshe’sgotpoliticsdowntoascience.She’snotabadfit.LikeIsaid,Ithinkshe’llsurpriseyou.”
“Maybe.”Athenastudiesmeforalongmoment.“BellerophonsaysyouandPatroclusgotrather…close…withher.”
“Bellerophonshouldknowbetterthantogossiplikeateenager,”Isnap.
“Youknowbetter.”She’sbeingcareful,butAthenadoesn’thavemuchpatiencefordancingaroundatopic.“You’rethebestdamnsecond-in-commandI’veeverhad,andI’mgoingtoneedyourskillsetinthecomingconfrontation.”Shehesitates.“ButIwillrespectwhateverdecisionyoumakeinregardtothefuture.”
“Athena.”Iwaitforhertolookatme.“IfIresignandendupchangingmymind…”
Hersmileisbittersweet.“You’resmarterthanthat,Achilles.Thatdecisionisonethatwillstick.Forbetterorworse,thefactisappearancesmatterinthiscity.Ican’thavemypositionunderminedbywelcomingbackAres’scast-offs.”Shemovestothedoor.“Whateveryourdecisionendsupbeing,besureit’swhatyouwant,becauseyou’llhavetolivewithit.”Thenshe’sgone,closingthedoorsoftlybehindher.
Everyone’smakingadramaticexittoday.
It’sanotherhourbeforeanursecomesandcollectsme,herdingmedownthehallandupanelevatorandthroughanotherseriesofhallstotheroomwherePatroclusliesinahospitalbed.Helookstoopale,toothin.Ithasthefearfrombeforerushingback,amplifying.“He’sgoingtobeokay?”
“Thedoctorwillexplaineverything.”Thenursehesitates,butshemustreadthepaniconmyfacebecausesheleanscloserandlowershervoice.“He’llmakeafullrecovery.Theremightbesomehiccupsalongtheway,buthe’llbefine.”
Idon’tknowifIbelieveher.Ihavetobelieveher.“Thanks.”
“He’llwakeupwhenhe’sready.Pleasebepatient.”Withonelastsignificantlookatme,sheslipsoutoftheroom.
Helooks…small.Patroclusliesonthebed,hookeduptoseveralmachines,hisskinevenpalerthannormal.Guiltpricksme,diggingdeep.Theonlyreasonhewasinthetournamentinthefirstplacewastowatchmyback.Ishouldhavelethimbeeliminatedinthesecondtriallikehewanted,shouldhavelistenedtohimeverytimehewarnedmeofthedangerofpushingforwardstubbornly.Ibulliedhimintoentering,andthenIbulliedhimintocontinuingevenwhenhewasinjured.Iwantedhimwithme,andthatselfishdesireisthereasonhe’sinthisbednow,stillanddrained.
Imightnothavewieldedtheswordthatcuthim,butthisismyfault.
There’snotasmuchspacehereastherewasdownstairs,andI’mafraidifIstartpacingagain,I’llknockintohisbedandcausehimpainonaccidentorsomething.SoIdon’t.Iforcemyrestlessenergydowndeepanddropintothechairnexttohisbed.
It’slikethebastardwaswaitingformetostopmoving,becauseheopenshiseyesalmostimmediately.“Achilles?”Evenhisvoiceisfuckedup,raspyandtooquiet.
Idragthechairforwardandtakehishand.“I’mhere.”Touchinghimcalmsmealittle,thoughitdoesnothingtoremovetheguiltplaguingme.Mychestgoestightandawful.He’sokay.That’stheonlythingthatmatters.He’sokay.
“Ifuckedup.”
“Ithinkit’smorethansafetosaytheonlyonewhoreallyfuckedupisme.”Thehorriblefeelinginmychestshowsupinmyvoice,makingthewordsthick.“IgotyouintothismessbecauseIcouldn’tbearthethoughtofnothavingyouatmyside.Yougothurt—twice—becauseIdidn’tgiveafuckaboutanythingbutmyneeds.I’msorry.Iknowthat’snotenough,butI’mfuckingsorry,Patroclus.”
“Achilles…”Patroclusgripsmyhandhard.It’smuchweakerthanhe’snormallycapableof,buthegetshispointacross.“DidPariswinAres?”
“No.”
Heexhalesandgoeslimp.“Thankthegods.Ifaftereverything,Helenwasmarriedtothatbastard…Wepromisedherthatitwouldn’thappen.”Hiseyesflyopen.“Wait,thatmeansHelenisAres.”
“Yes.”Thebitternessisbackinmytone,butevenIdon’tknowifI’mbitteratHelenortheentiresituation.Ishakemyheadslowly.“Youshouldhaveseenher.Shedodgedthreearrowsandthrewoneofherknivesathim.”
“Risky,”hemurmurs.
“Shepulleditoff.”Ifindmyselfsmilingdespiteeverything.“Hithimrightintheshoulderjointandknockedhisasstotheground.”
Patroclussqueezesmyhand.“I’msorry.”
“Whatdoyouhavetobesorryfor?”I’mspeakingtooharshly,butthere’sonlyonepersoninthisroomthatfuckedupspectacularly,andit’sme.
Hesmilesfaintly.“IknowyouwantedAres.I’msorryyoudidn’tgettoliveoutyourdream.”
Ihesitate,butPatroclusisinthiswithme,too,andIcan’tholdbackinformationfromhim,nomatterhowAthena’swordsstillchurnawayinthebackofmymind.“Athenacamebythehospital.”Hedoesn’tspeak,soIforcemyselftocontinue.“Shesaysshewantsmetostayonashersecond-in-command.IguessBellerophonreportedabouthowclosewegotwithHelen,andshewantedtoletmeknowthatinordertopursuethingswiththenewAres,itmeansresigningwithAthena.Dothat,andthere’snogoingback.”
“Ah.”
Iwait,butPatroclusdoesn’tofferanybrilliantinsight.“Well?”
“Well,what?”Heleansbackandgivesmyhandanothersqueeze.“Ican’ttellyouwhattherightcallis,Achilles.It’sabigdecision,andyou’retheonlyonewhocanmakeit.”
“Whatthefuckareyoutalkingabout?”
Heshakeshishead.“It’suptoyoutodecideifthecostistoohigh.”
Iconsiderhiswords,whathedidanddidn’tsay.“You’regoingtoHelen.”
“I’mnotchoosing,”Patroclussaysfirmly.“Iloveyou.Iwillalwaysloveyou.ButIcan’tignorewhatIfeelforher,either.”
“Athenawon’tbehappyifyoutrytostraddlethatline.”
Heshrugs.“ThenI’llresignandseeifApollo’swillingtohireme.He’sonewhoseesvalueininformation,sohewon’tbalkifIpursuearelationshipwiththenewAresandalsowithAthena’ssecond-in-command.”
“You’vethoughtaboutthis.”Ican’ttellifI’maccusinghimornot.
“Ithoughtyou’dbecomeAres.”Hefinallylooksaway.“Ihonestlyhadn’tthoughtaboutcontingencyplansleadingintothethirdtrial.But,Achilles…”Hemeetsmygaze.“Iknowyou.Youweren’ttalkingoutyourassaboutkeepingHelen.Ifyouweren’tserious,youneverwouldhavebroughtitup.Didthingsreallychangethatquicklyjustbecauseyoudidn’tbecomeAres?”
Idon’thaveaneasyanswer.Idon’tknowifaneasyanswerexists.Finally,Isay,“IfItrywithHelenanditblowsupinmyface,I’llactuallyhavelosteverything.It’snotaneasychoiceforme.”
“Isn’tit?”
IopenmymouthbutstopbeforeIkeeparguing.IsPatroclusright?Yeah,it’sarisktoresignandgotoHelen.Shemighthavebeenplayingadeepergameduringthetournament,manipulatingusintobeingallieswhowillwatchherback,but…
Idon’tbelieveit.Notforasecond.
Theconnectionbetweenthethreeofuswasreal.Morethanthat,IgetHelen.Idon’thavetobebrilliantlikePatroclustounderstandthewoman.Shefeltsafewithus.Sheshowedusvulnerability.Thatwasreal.I’msureofit.
IsitbackintheuncomfortablehospitalchairbutmaintainmygriponPatroclus’shand.Asusual,he’sright.Ifwhatwesharedwasreal,thenthere’snochoiceatall.IexpectedHelentogetoverherlossofdreamswhenIwon.It’shypocriticalintheextremetonotbewillingtodothesame,evenifI’mafraid.Ishakemyhead,areluctantsmilepullingatmylips.“Youreallyareasmartmotherfucker.”
Hesmilesinreturn.“Youwouldhavefigureditouteventually.Ijusthelpedthingsalong.”Hesqueezesmyhand,alreadyfeelingstronger.“You’vealwayshadenoughfaithforbothofus.It’smyturnnow.ItwillworkoutwithHelen.I’msureofit.”
“Ibelieveyou.”Thedooropensandatallwhitemaninsurgicalscrubswalksin.Thedoctor.IglanceatPatroclus.“Let’sfigureoutwhatthedamageissowecangetyoucheckedoutofthisplaceandgogetourgirl.”
31
Helen
AttendingameetingwithallthemembersoftheThirteenisoneofthemostsurrealexperiencesofmylife.Myfathermadeitahabitofkeepingthemasseparateaspossible,asidefromhisendlessparties,butevenifhehadn’t,Iwouldnothavehadaplaceatthemassiveoblongtableweoccupynow.
Istudythemeachinturn,alltooawareofthewaytheystudymerightback.TherearemybrotherandEris,ofcourse,himattheheadofthetableandheracrossfromme.HermesandDionysussitclosewiththeirheadstogether,whisperingandpretendingtheydon’tseethewayPoseidonglaresindisapproval.He’sagiantwhitemanwithshortredhairandanevenredderbeard,andhelookslikehecanhaulshippingcontainersaroundwithhisbarehands.
Thenthere’sDemetersittingpassivelywithherhandsfoldedonthetable.She’sawhitewomaninherfiftieswithadistinctearth-mothervibethatalmostmanagestohidethesharpambitioninherhazeleyes.
NextisApollo.Ihaven’tinteractedwithhimaton,butI’mabigfanofCassandra,whoworksforhim.He’sanEastAsianmanwho’saboutmyageandwhodoesn’toftencontributetothepoliticalbackbitingsocommonwiththisgroup.Hecatchesmyeyeandgivesmesomethingresemblingareassuringsmile.Ismileback,eventhoughIdon’ttrusthimasfarasIcanthrowhim.
HadesandCallisto—Hera—sittogetherattheendofthetableacrossfrommybrother.CallistoisHades’ssister-in-law,sotheireasywaywitheachothermakesense,butitstillweirdsmeout.Inoticeaveininmybrother’stemplethrobbingashelooksatthem,butheglancesawayandsmoothsouthisexpression.
HephaestusandArtemisarecousins,bothsharingthesamelight-brownskinandglossydarkhair.They’realsowearingidenticalexpressionsofdistrustastheywatchme.Iwon’tfindalliesinthatcorner,buthopefullythey’llbewillingtoworktogethertoprotectOlympus.
Thedooropensandourfinalmemberarrives.Athenaiswearingacreamsuitandwalkswithpurposeasshemovestomybrother’srighthand.Shecatchesmyeye,butIcan’tdecipherherexpression.It’snotwarm,butit’snoticy,either.
Mybrotherclearshisthroat.“It’stimetohaveafrankdiscussion.”
Thenexttwohoursareastudyinfrustration.IknewtheThirteenwerefractured,butseeingitfirsthandhasmediggingmynailsintomypalmtokeepfromyellingatthem.Mybrotherlaysouttheinformationhehas,butHephaestus,Artemis,andPoseidonarguethathe’sexaggeratingthethreattoconsolidatepowerforhimself.DionysusandHermesmakequipsateveryone,thoughtheywatchtheproceedingswithsharpeyes.Mysisterhasplentyofopinions,butevenI’mnotsureifshe’ssupportingourbrotherornot.Iswearshe’ssimplyplayingcoytoinfuriateeveryoneandconfusethesituation.
HadesandDemeter,surprisingly,don’tsaymuchatall.Fromthewaytheywatchtheargumentsthatspringupandgetdiverted,IexpecttherewillbeasecondarymeetingwiththemandperhapsHerawheretheydiscusstheirposition
Athenastaunchlysupportsmybrother,butshe’squicktosayit’sOlympusshe’ssupporting.NotZeus.
Inshort,it’safuckingmess.
Weadjournwithoutanysortofaplanorevenanagreement.Ipausenexttomybrother.“Iunderstandnow.”
Hegivesmeabriefsmile.“Comearoundtomorrowandwe’lltalk.”
Moreback-officemeetings.Iexpecttherewillbealotofthatgoingaroundinthenearfuture,thesegmentsoftheThirteenbreakingofftoconversewithlike-mindedpeople.Idon’tknowhowwecangetthemallonthesamepage.Idon’tknowifit’sevenpossible.
TheonlyotheroptionisforOlympustoriskfallingtotheenemieswecanbarelyseeyet.
Iheadtomynewoffice.It’sonlybeenafewdayssinceIwasnamedAres,butmycrashcourseinthejobhasspotlightedhowlazythelastAreswas.Nothingisfiledproperly.Hissecond-in-commandthoughthecouldtalkovermebecauseofmygender.Ifiredhim,butnotbeforeInearlyputhisheadthroughawallwhenhetriedtopunchme.It’samess.
MaybeI’dbemoreoptimisticifIwasn’tnursingabrokenheart.
Threedays,andnotasinglewordfromAchillesorPatroclus.ErosreturnedlatethatfirstnighttoletmeknowthatPatrocluscamethroughsurgeryjustfineandisexpectedtomakeafullrecovery.He’soutofdanger,butAchillesstillhasn’treachedout.
Hardtomisinterpretthat.
Maybetheymeantwhattheysaidduringthetrials.Evenifitwastruethen,theirfeelingsdidn’tholduptomyruiningtheirplans.Andfuckifthatdoesn’thurtmoreeverytimeIthinkaboutit.
SoIdon’tthinkaboutit.
Ihaveplentyofworktokeepmebusy.IfsometimesIhideinmyofficeandcrywhentheemotionsgettootangledinmychest,I’monlyhuman.
Aknockonmydoorhasmebitingbackacurse.“Isweartothegods,Diomedes,ifyou’reheretobitchaboutthescheduleagain,I’mgoingtofireyou,too.”
“Roughstarttothejob?”
Ifreeze,mygazepinnedonmydesk.SurelyI’mhallucinating.Imustbe,becausethere’snowayAchillesishereafterthreedaysofsilence.WhenIlookup,it’sgoingtohurtalloveragain,andthenI’mgoingtohavetodosomethingaboutthisheartache,becauseIneedallmyfacilitiesforthisjob.
ButwhenIlookup,he’sactuallyhere.More,he’snotalone.HelookseveryinchthegoldengodhealwaysdoeswhilestandingbehindawheelchaircontainingPatroclus.Helooksgood,consideringthelasttimeIsawhim,hewasbeingrushedtotheemergencyroom.He’spalerthannormalandthere’sabandagepeekingoutfromthecollarofhisshirt,buthe’shereandsmiling.
They’rebothhereandsmiling.
Ican’tmove.Idon’thaveanyframeofreferenceforthemtoshowuplikethis.Aretheyheretoletmedowngently?Or…
“Canwecomein?”Patroclus’svoiceisalittleraspy.
“Um.Right.Yes.”Istarttostandbutstopmyself.“Shutthedoorbehindyou.”Ifthisgoesbad,thelastthingIneedistheoldAres’speoplehearingmebeofficiallydumped.Itwillunderminemyauthorityevenmore.AchillesandPatroclusweresoldiersbeneaththelastAresbeforetheywenttoAthena.Ihaven’tmissedthewhisperssayingAchillesshouldhavewon,that’she’soneofthemandaknownquantity.I’djustresignedmyselftohavingtoaddmysoldierstothelistofmotherfuckersI’mgoingtoprovewrong.
AchilleswheelsPatroclusintotheofficeandpausestosoftlyshutthedoorbehindhim.Iopenmymouthbutforcemyselftoholdmysilence.Theycametome.AchillespushesPatrocluscloseranddropsintotheemptychairnexttohim.Hesighs.“Sorryittookussolong.Thedoctorwasbeingstubborn—”
“Ifbystubborn,youmeandoinghisjob,”Patrocluscutsin.
“Yeah.That.”Achilleswavesthestatementaway.“How’sitbeingAres?”
Iplantmyhandsonthedesk,mostlytohidethewayI’mshaking.“I’mnotsayingI’mnothappytoseeyou,butIwouldliketoknowwhyyou’rehere.Didyoureallycomeallthiswaytomakesmalltalk?”
“Right.That.”Achillesgivesmeafaintlyguiltylook.“Youreachedoutforreassuranceattheendofthelasttrial,andIkindofbrushedyouoff.I’msorryaboutthat.Itwasalotallatonce,andIwasn’tthinkingclearly.Still,thatdoesn’texcuseleavingyouinthewind,andI’msorry.”
An…apology.
Hopeflares,sosharpthatIflinch.“It’snothing.Forgetaboutit.”
Patroclusshakeshishead.“It’snotnothing,oryouwouldn’tbelookingatuslikethat.”Hehesitates.“Unlessyou’vechangedyourmindaboutthefuturewetalkedabout.”
Thehopeinsidemegetsstronger.Icouldshutthisdownandkeepfromputtingmyselfoutthereonlytobeletdowndevastatinglygently.Ican’t.Ifthere’sevenachancetobewiththesemen,torealizethefuturetheyspunoutforme,Ihavetotry.Ilickmylips.“No.Ididn’tchangemymindaboutitoraboutyou.”
“Thankfuck.”Achillesslumpsbackinhischair.Hegrins,lookinglikehisoldselfforthefirsttimesincehewalkedintomyoffice.“WeresignedfromAthena’sleadership.We’refreeagentsrightnow.Let’smakeitofficial.”Heleansforward.“Makeusyours.”
“Justlikethat,”Isayfaintly.Thisishappeningsoquickly,it’smakingmyheadspin.“Idon’tunderstand.YouwantedAresmorethananything.You’rereallygoingtosetasideyourambitionjustlikethat?”
“No,ofcoursenot.”Hehesitates,astrangelookpassingoverhisface.“Whenitcamerightdowntoit,youwantedAresmorethanIdid.Ifaltered.Youdidn’t.Youdeservedthewin,princess.Youearnedit.”
“I…”Iswallowhard.“But—”
“Butthatdoesn’tmeanI’mgoingtokickbackandrideonyourcoattailsfortherestofourlives.”Achillesgrins.“Sometimesplanschange.Makemeyoursecond-in-command.We’llkickthesefuckersintoshape,andI’llmakeanameformyselfhelpingyoukeepOlympussafe.Really,it’sbetterthisway.InsteadofjustanotherAres,I’llalwaysbeAchilles.”
Thereheis.Reliefmakesmealittleweak.IshouldhaveknownthatnothingsetsAchillesbackonhisheelsforlong.“Ambitious,aren’tyou?”
“That’snotgoingtochange.”
Thankthegods.
Patroclusclearshisthroat.“We…wemakeareallygoodteam,Helen.Ithinkwe’dmakeanevenbetteronewithyouinvolved.”
Mydisappointmentisevenstrongerthanmyfledglinghope.“A…team.”
AchillesnudgesPatroclus’sshoulder.“You’rebeingtoocareful.Shethinkswe’reofferingabusinesspartnership.”Hisgrinwidens.“Teaminpublic.Truetriadinprivate.Patroclushastotakeiteasyforafewweeks,butthere’snoreasonwecan’tteasehimabitinthemeantime.”
“Achilles.”TheexasperationinPatroclus’stoneistemperedbyfondness.Heturnsbacktome.“Wewantyou,Helen.Allofyou.Willyouhaveus?”
I’malreadynodding.“Yes.Howisthatevenaquestion?Yes,I’llhaveyou.”
“Good.”Achillespushestohisfeet.“Let’sgetmarried.”
Myjawdrops.“What?”
“Kidding!”Heboomsoutalaughbutthengoesserious.“Atleastfornow.Thatcancomelater.”
PatroclusandIsharealook,andthistime,Idon’thavetodecipherthemeaning.We’rebothsohopefulforthefuture,sohappytohaveyearsaheadofuswiththismanatoursides.Idon’tknowifIbelieveinhappily-ever-afters,butthesetwomenaregoingtodotheirdamnedesttoconvinceme.
Iwouldn’thaveitanyotherway.
DISCOVERTHE“UNSPEAKABLYHOT”WORLDOFDARKOLYMPUS…
NEONGODS
Hades&Persephone
Hewassupposedtobeamyth,butfromthemomentIcrossedtheRiverStyxandfellunderhisdarkspell…hewas,quitesimply,mine.
ELECTRICIDOL
Eros&Psyche
HewasthemostbeautifulmaninOlympus…andifIwasn’tcareful,hewasgoingtobemydeath.
WICKEDBEAUTY
Achilles&Patroclus&Helen
Shewasthefacethatlaunchedathousandships,thefiercebeautyattheheartofOlympus…andshewasneverourstoclaim.
RADIANTSIN
Apollo&Cassandra
There’snowheremoredangerousthanOlympus,andnoonemorecaptivatingthanitsgoldengod:Apollo.Keeperofsecrets,masterofhisshiningrealm…andtheonlymanIampowerlesstodeny.
BONUSART&MAPS
Explorethesuper-sexyworldofDarkOlympusinallitsfull,vibrantcolor.PleasenotethatthispageincludesdeliciouslyNSFWart.
NEWSLETTER
FindoutmoreaboutKateeRobertandSourcebooksCasablanca’shottestupcomingreleaseshere.
EnjoythissneakpeekofRadiantSin
ComingsoonfromSourcebooksCasablanca
1
Cassandra
Ihateparties,Olympus,andpolitics…butnotnecessarilyinthatorder.Icanavoidtwooutofthethreeongooddays,buttodayispromisingtobeabadone.ItstartedthismorningwhenIspilledmycoffeealloverApollo’sshirt.Arookiemistake,andonethatmightgetmefiredifmybosswasanyoneotherthanApollo.Hejustgaveasmallsmile,assuredmeitwashisfaultwhenitwasclearlymine,andchangedintothesparesuithekeptinhisoffice.
Heshouldhaveyelledatme.
I’veworkedforthemanforfiveyearsnow,andeventhatisn’tenoughtimetostopexpectingtheothershoetodrop.He’shardlyperfect—he’soneoftheThirteenwhoruleOlympus,afterall,andtherearenosaintsamongthem—buthe’sthebestofthebunch.He’sneverabusedhispoweroverme,neverturnedhispositionasmybossintoanexcusetobeapettytyrant,hasneverevenraisedhisvoicenomatterhowthoroughlyI’vefuckedupfromtimetotime.
Ishovemyhairback,hatingthatIcanfeelsweatslickingdownmybackasIclimbthelastflightofstairs.SomethingiswrongwiththeelevatorinDodonaTowerandforreasonsthatseemsuspect,itonlygoeshalfwayupthetower.Iglaredownatthefileinmyhand.IshouldhavejustleftitalonewhenIrealizedApolloforgotitwhenherushedoutthedoorforhismeetingwithZeus.He’sanadultandismorethancapableofdealingwiththeconsequencesofforgettinganimportantfileforanimportantmeeting.
But…hedidn’tyellatme.AndsoI’mhere.
Noonewhoknowsmewouldcallmeableedingheart—morelikeacold-heartedbitch—soIhaveabsolutelynoreasontohavecaughtacabtothecenteroftheuppercity,takentheelevatorhalfwayup,andthenproceededtoclimbtherestofthethirtyfloorsonfoot.
Insix-inchheels,noless.
There’ssomethingwrongwithme.Theremustbe.MaybeIhaveafever.
Ipressthebackofmyhandtomyforehead,andthenfeelextrafoolishbecauseofcourseIfeeloverheated.IjustdidmoreexercisethanIwouldeverintentionallycommittounlessrunningformylife.Andeventhen,I’dfightbeforeIran.
IcursemyselfforthemillionthtimeasIpushthroughthestairwelldoorandoutintothehallwaywhereZeus’sofficeislocated.ThenIgetalookatmyreflectioninthemassivemirrornexttotheelevator.“Ohno.”
Myredhairhasgoneflat,there’sasweatstaindarkeningthelineundermybreasts—whichmeansthere’sanansweringonedownmyspine—andI’mshiny.Inacityobsessedwithappearances,Ican’tletanyoneseemelikethis.
“Fuckthis,hedoesn’tneedthefilethatbad.”Iturnfortheelevator…andthenrememberthattoflee,Ihavetomakethereturntripdownfifteenflightsofstairs.Mythighsshakeatthethought.Ormaybethey’reshakingfromtheclimb.
DoesitcountasaworkplaceaccidentifIfalldownthestairsonanerrandItechnicallywasn’taskedtodo?Apollowouldprobablyfindsomewaytoblamehimselfandpayformymedicalbills,butgettinghurtlikethatmeansnopaycheckandnopaycheckmeansAlexandramightnothavethemoneysheneedstobuybooksorschoolsuppliesoralltheotherrandomshitbeingatuniversityrequires.Ican’triskaninjury,evenifitmeansI’mhumiliatedintheprocess.
“Cassandra?”
Icursemyselfyetagainandturntofacethegorgeouswhitewomanwithlightbrownhairwalkingdownthehallway.Aresishernamenow,butitusedtobeHelenKasios.Iwouldn’tcallusfriends,butI’veattendedthepartiessheusedtothrowfromtimetotimebeforeshebecameoneoftheThirteen.ItalwaysfeltabitlikewatchinganimalsinazooasIwitnessedthepowerfulpeoplefromOlympus’slegacyfamiliespokeandsnapateachother.I’velearnedalotfromplayingthesidelines;nearlyenoughtoprotectmeandmysisterfromthecirclingwolves.
Helenisn’ttoobad,honestly.She’snevercruelwhenkindnesswillfurtherhergoals,andshe’sperfectedaglitteryexteriorthateveryoneseemstothinkmeansshe’sempty-headed,butI’vealwaysinterpretedasawarningnottogettooclose.Noonesurfsthepoliticalcurrentsasadeptlyasshedoesifthey’renotsmarterthanmostofthepeopleintheroom.
ButthatwasbeforeshebecameAres.NowIcan’ttakeanythingforgrantedwhenitcomestoher.Wearen’tonthesamelevel—twowomenfromlegacyfamilies,evenifmineisdisgracedandhersrulesOlympus.She’soneofthem,now,andI’mstillme.
“Helen.”Istrivetokeepmytoneeven,buthernamestillcomesouttoosharp.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”
“Meetingwithmylovelybrother.”Sheshrugs.She’sbuiltslimthewayhermotherwas,thoughthere’sclearmuscledefinitioninthearmsleftbarebyherblacksheathdress.Shelookscoolandprofessionalanduntouchable.
Ifeelgrimystandingnexttoher.Ihaven’twantedathinbodyinoveradecade—Ilovemycurvesoutofsheerdefianceofeveryonewhoactsliketheyshouldbepartofabeforepicture—butit’shardnottocompareuswhenwestandlikethis.
Shegivesmealonglook.“Apollo’sinwithhimnow.Idon’tthinkheknewyouwerecomingorhewouldhavewaitedforyou.”
Withoutadoubt.Apolloiscourteouslikethat.WhenIfirstmethim,Ithoughtitwasanact,buthe’sneveroncefalteredinfiveyears.EvenasjadedasIam,Ihavetoadmitit’sjustwhoheis.Eitherthatorhe’sabetterliarthananyoneelseinOlympus,acityfilledtothebrimwithliarsandcheats.
There’snogettingoutofthis.I’mhere.Imightaswellseeitthrough.Iholdupthefilebetweenuslikeashield.“Heforgotthis.”
“Ah.”Sheglancesbackdownthehallway.“Well,I’llwalkyouthere.”
“That’sreallynotnecessary.”
“Itreallyis.”Shespinsonaheelandfacesthesamedirectionasme.“Withthingsinabitofupheavalrightnow,thesecurityisrampedup.Honestly,I’mnotsurehowyougotuphereatall.Mypeoplearesupposedtohavetheupperfloorslockeddown.”
Ah.Thatexplainstheelevator“malfunction”andwhytheguydownstairswassuchanasshole.Ishrugasingleshoulder.“I’mpersuasive.”
“Morelikeyou’reterrifying.”Shelaughs,asoundsohappyitmakesmychestpanginenvy.Idon’twantwhatAreshas—thetitle,thepower,theresponsibility—butitmustbenicetobesocomfortableinhowshemovesthroughtheworld,surethatitwillbendtoherimpressivewill.
Ihavetotakestrongermeasures.
“Yourpeoplearespeciallytrained,”Isnap.“Iftheycan’ttakeme,thatsoundslikeayouproblem.”
“Absolutely.”Sheagreessodamneasily.“Bytheway,isOrpheusstillbotheringyou?”
MentionofApollo’sbrothermakesmefrown.WhatdoesOrpheushavetodowithanything?Ittakesseveralstepsforunderstandingtosettleoverme.She’stalkingaboutthatsinglepartywherehewasbeinganarrogantlittleprick,butthatwasmonthsago.I’mhonestlysurprisedsherememberedatall.“IcanhandleOrpheus.”Hemightbebiggerthanme,buthe’sbrittle.Icouldbreakhimwithoutliftingafinger.
“Ifyou’resure…Iknowit’satouchysubjectbecausehe’sApollo’slittlebrother.”
Isnort.Ican’thelpit.“ApollohasmoreorlesswashedhishandsofOrpheus.”AsmuchasApollocanwashhishandsofanyoneinhisfamily.Whatitreallytranslatestoisthathe’sstoppedsmoothingoverOrpheus’smessesandcutoffhismoney.Withhowtheirmotherbabiesthespoiledbrat,itneverwouldhaveworkedifApollowasn’t,well,Apollo.“Whenheshapesup,hecanplayprodigalsonandgetalltheattentionhe’sdeprivedofrightnow.Hehasbiggerthingstoworryaboutthanchasingsomewomanwhodoesn’twanthim.”
“Ifthateverchanges,don’thesitatetocallme.”
“Sure,”Ilie.Iknowbetterthantotrustanyoneinthisgodsforsakencity.Aresmightbebetterthanmost,butthatdoesn’tchangethatshe’spartofthisplace.Whenpushcomestoshove,shewilllookoutforherselfandherinterestsbeforehelpingsomeoneelse.Expectinganythingelseislikeexpectingafishtosproutwingsandfly.“I’lldothat.”
“No,youwon’t.”Aressmiles.“Buttheofferstillstands.Hereweare.”ShestopsinfrontofalargedarkdoorwithZeus’snamestampedingoldonit.ThecurrentZeusisAres’sbrother.Thelastonewasherfather.I’dratherchewoffmyownarmthandealwitheitherofthemenwhohaveheldthetitleduringmylifetime,butI’mhere.It’stoolatetogobacknow.
Idomybestnottoholdmybreath—notwithAreswatching—andknock.
Apollo’stheonewhoopensit,andIrefusetoholdmybreathatthesightofhim,either.IhatelookingatApollo.He’stoofuckingperfect,aproductofhisSwedishfatherandhisKoreanmodelofamother.Tall,broadshoulders,perfectlytrimmedblackhairandkinddarkeyes.It’sthelatterthatalwayshitsmelikeablowtothechest.
Ishouldhavequitalongtimeago.
BettertoworkinanofficejobIloathethantohave…feelings…aboutmyboss.Evenifthefeelingsinquestionaresomethingassimpleaslust.Itcomplicatesthings,thoughI’dthrowmyselfoutthewindowbeforeIlethimknow.
WhichIwhymyinstinctskickinandIshovethefileathim.“Youforgotthis.”Myvoiceistoosharp,toobitchy.Hedidn’taskmetodothis,butI’membarrassedandit’ssomucheasiertosnarlandsnapthanadmitit.“I’mnotyourerrandgirl,andnowI’minovertimefortheweek.”
Apolloraisesasingledarkbrow.“Youdidn’thavetocomeallthisway,Cassandra.Icouldhavedonewithout.”
Withoutadoubt.He’scapableonatrulyterrifyinglevelandhasnearlyperfectrecallofanythinghe’severread.Hewouldhavebeenfinerelayingthecontentsofthefilewithouthavingitonhand.HeprobablyonlyputittogethertohanditofftoZeusattheendofthemeeting.
Buthewasnicetomethismorning.
Iamafool
“You’rewelcome.”Iturnonmyheel.“Seeyoutomorrow.”
“Cassandra.”
Iignorehimandkeepgoing.Ifsecurityisthereasontheelevatorswon’tgoabovefloorfifteen,thenIbetthey’lldescendfromhere.They’rekeepingpeopleout,notin.Myexitwon’tbemarredbyhavingtotakeabreatheronthestairwellandprayingtogodsIdon’tbelieveexistthatnoonestumblesonme.Mypridewon’tbeabletohandleit.
“Cassandra.”He’scloser.Damnit,Ishouldhaveknownhewouldn’tletthisgo.
Isighandstop.It’sbeneathbothourdignitytohavehimchasemedownthehallinfrontofHelen.Apollostopsnexttome,hislongerlegshavingcoveredthedistanceeasily.Hepauses.“Thankyouforbringingthis.Ifyou’llholdonforafewminutes,I’mjustwrappingup.I’llgiveyouaridehome.”
Thetemptationtosayyesnearlymakesmykneesbuckle.I’vesharedenoughrideswithhimovertheyearsonthewayfromonemeetingtoanother.Iknowexactlyhowitwillgo.He’llslumpbackagainsttheseatandloosenhisperfectblacktie.Notalot.Justenoughtodrivemetodistraction.Thenhe’llpullouthisphoneandleavemetomythoughts.
Apolloneverprattlesonthewaysomepeopledo.He’snotoneofthosestrongsilenttypes,buthedoesn’tfeeltheneedtofillquietmomentswithinanechatter.ThecarridewillbecomfortableandlovelyandIabsolutelycannotsayyestoit.It’sonethingtohavethosemomentsduringtheworkdaywhenIcanexcusethem.Afterhours?
No.Absolutelynot.
“I’mfine.”
HesearchesmyfacelikeheknowsI’mbeingstubbornforthesakeofbeingstubborn,butApolloisamanwhorespectsboundariesandsohejustnods.“Keepthecabfarereceiptandexpenseit.”
IhatehowweakIgetatthesimplethoughtfulnesshecontinuallydemonstrates.Apolloistoosavvynottoknowhowtightmoneyisforme—hisentirejobisinformation,afterall—andhealsoknowsmewellenoughtoknowIwon’ttakecharity.Notfromhim.Notfromanyone.Notwhenit’sneverreallycharityandalwayscomeswithstringsattached.
Butabusinessexpense?
Mypridecanhandlethat.
“Fine.”
“Seeyoutomorrow,Cassandra.”MaybeI’mimaginingthewarmthlingeringinhistoneasIturnawayandmarchtotheelevators.Imustbe.Iamnoslouchinthelooksdepartment,butI’veseenthepeoplewhopopulateZeus’sparties.TheymightnotallbeonHelen’slevel,butthey’reclosertohersthanmine.Apollo’smotherisamodel,andbothApolloandOrpheusreallygotherlooks.Orpheusmightbetheonlyonewhoplaysthemup,butI’veseenApolloliterallyleaveawakeofpeoplestaringafterhimwhenwewalkeddownthesidewalk.Notthathenoticed.
No,thisunfortunateattractionisone-sidedandthat’sjustfinewithme.
It’sonlyamatteroftimebeforeIgetoutofthiscursedcityonceandforall.ThelastthingIneedistogetentangledwithoneoftheThirteen—anotheroneoftheThirteen—beforeIdo.
WantmoreKateeRobert?
OrderRadiantSin
Acknowledgments
Thisserieswouldn’thavegottenoffthegroundwithoutthesupportofsomanypeople.Firstandforemost,alwaysthankyoutomyreaders.ThankyouforrollingwithmychaosandtrustingmetoplayfastandloosewithyourfavoriteGreekmyths.Thankyoutoalltheindiebookstoresellers,reviewers,influencers,andreaderswhohaveshovedthisseriesintopeople’shandsandchampioneditfromthebeginning.
AllmygratitudetoMaryAltmanfortellingmeyeswhenIrandomlysentanemailthatwaslike“Hey,IknowweplannedonAchillesandHelenforthisone,butI’dlikePatroclustobeinthere,too.”Icouldn’taskforabettereditorwillingtorollwithmypersonalbrandofchaosandgivemeenoughleewaytomakethemagichappen.Thisbookisathousandtimesbetterbecauseofyoursupportandinput.
MuchthankstoChristaDésirfortellingmethethingIdidn’twanttohearbutdesperatelyneededtohear.Thankyouforhelpingmefindtheplotandpullitoutsothiswasn’tjustthreepeoplebeingangstyandtalkingincircles.
EndlessappreciationtoStefaniSlomaforholdingmyhandthroughpromoandmarketing.Thisserieshaslegsbecauseofyoursupportandenthusiasm,andIcouldn’taskforabetterpublicist!
ThankstotherestoftheSourcebooksteam,includingJessicaSmith,DawnAdams,RachelGilmer,JocelynTravis,KatieStutz,andSusieBenton.
BigthankstoPiperJ.Drake,AsaMariaBradley,JennyNordbak,NishaSharma,andAndieJ.Christopherforbeingtherethroughtheupsanddownsandhardrightturns.BigthankstoKSterling,ReeseRyan,FortuneWhelan,AliWilliams,AmandaCinelli,andBrinaStarlerforkeepingmecompanyduringearlymorningwritingsprints.
Last,butneverleast,thankyoutoTim.Yeah,Iknowyouwereskimminglookingforyourname.Thankyouforbeingmybiggestcheerleader,thekickintheasswhenIneedit,andneverhesitatingtoremindmethatyou’reproudofme.Loveyou!
© Copyright Notice
The copyright of the article belongs to the author. Please do not reprint without permission.
THE END
No comments yet