Dear Grumpy Boss A Brother’s Best Friend Office Romance (The Harder They Fall)

DearGrumpyBossTheHarderTheyFallJuliaWolf
Copyright
Copyright?2023byJuliaWolf
LittleBirdPublishing
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Noportionofthisbookmaybereproducedinanyformwithoutwrittenpermissionfromthepublisherorauthor,exceptaspermittedbyU.S.copyrightlaw.
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Proofreadingby:MyBrother’sEditorContents
Dedication
1.ChapterOne
2.ChapterTwo
3.ChapterThree
4.ChapterFour
5.ChapterFive
6.ChapterSix
7.ChapterSeven
8.ChapterEight
9.ChapterNine
10.ChapterTen
11.ChapterEleven
12.ChapterTwelve
13.ChapterThirteen
14.ChapterFourteen
15.ChapterFifteen
16.ChapterSixteen
17.ChapterSeventeen
18.ChapterEighteen
19.ChapterNineteen
20.ChapterTwenty
21.ChapterTwenty-one
22.ChapterTwenty-two
23.ChapterTwenty-three
24.ChapterTwenty-four
25.ChapterTwenty-five
26.ChapterTwenty-six
27.ChapterTwenty-seven
28.ChapterTwenty-eight
29.ChapterTwenty-nine
30.ChapterThirty
31.ChapterThirty-one
32.ChapterThirty-two
33.ChapterThirty-three
34.ChapterThirty-four
35.ChapterThirty-five
36.ChapterThirty-six
37.ChapterThirty-seven
38.ChapterThirty-eight
39.ChapterThirty-nine
40.ChapterForty
41.ChapterForty-one
Epilogue
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Thankyouto…
AboutJulia
Julia’sBooksDedication
Thisoneisforthewomenwithplumpassesandroundtummies,who’vebeentoldtobesomethingelseonetoomanytimes.Fuckthatnoise.Youareexactlywhoyou
aremeanttobe.
Perfection.ChapterOne
Elise
Theconferenceroomwaspacked.
Shouldertoshoulder.
Perfumeclouds,notenoughdeodorant,elbowsknocking.
Ifoundaseatneartheback,notaroundthelongtableinthecenteroftheroombutinacorner,mycoworkersLaniandBrandononeithersideofme.
“They’regoingtohavetoknockdownsomewalls,”BrandondrawledinhisGeorgia-met-Chicagoaccent.
“Theylikeusbeingsqueezedinhere,”Laniwhispered,eyeingthepeoplearounduswithsuspicion.“Itmakesusrememberhowunimportantweare.”
RichthinkMarketingwasnotagoodplacetowork.Therewasnotrustbetweencolleagues.Infact,wewereencouragedtocompeteagainsteachother.IfourbosscouldhaveconvincedustoJell-Owrestletogetahead,heprobablywouldhave.
“Nothingbutsardines.”Ibitonmybottomlip,scanningthecrowd.Halfthefaceswerenew.Toastrangeroffthestreet,itwouldhavebeenobviousweweretwodistinctgroupsofpeople:thehardened,beady-eyedveteransofRichthinkandtheoptimistic,grateful-to-still-have-a-jobnewcomersfromthemarketingfirmthathadjustmergedwithours.
Needlesstosay,Iwasdeepinthethroesofsearchingforanewjob.Itwasn’teasy.Iwasbeyondentrylevelandwouldn’tsettlelikeIhadwithRichthink.IneededmynextjobtobesomethingIlookedforwardtoinsteadofjustpassingthedayslikeIwasnow.
“Drinkstonight?”Brandonasked.
Inodded.“Patrick’soutoftownuntilFriday.”
Lanibumpedmyelbow,drawingmyattention.Onpurposeornot,itdidn’tmatter.
“Didn’tyouvownottoventtohimanymore?”
“Yes.That’swhyIhaveyouguys.”
Patrickwaspatient.Patrickwasaniceguy.Patrickwouldn’tsayit,buthisnonverbalcuesletmeknowinnouncertaintermshe’dgottentiredofhearinghowmuchIloathedmyjob.AndsinceIhadbeenmakingavalianteffortoverthelastyeartohelpourrelationshipfeellesslikesettlingthanmyjob,Ikeptmyventingtoaminimumathome
Brandonbumpedmefromtheotherside.“I’mhappytoplayyourtherapist.You’llreceiveyourbillattheendofthenight.”
Icockedabrowathim.“I’mnotpayingyourbartab.”
Hepretendedtofliphishair.“Can’tblameagirlfortrying,right?”
Themeetinggotstartedanddronedonandon.Inmyboredom,Iletmygazesweepoverthenewhires,stoppingonayoungbrunetteacrosstheroom.Shewasfrowningatme.Notinanangryway.Italmostlookedlikeshewastryingtofiguresomethingout.Figuremeout?
Iliftedabrow,andhereyesnarrowed.
DidIknowher?
Ididn’tthinkso.
Shelookeddownatherphone,soImovedontothepeoplearoundher.
Aminuteortwolater,Laninudgedme.Iglancedather,andshejerkedherchininthedirectionofthebrunette.Iswiveledmyheadback,andsureenough,shewasstaringagain.
Strange.
Laniscribbledonhernotepad:Doyouknowher?
Itypedoutamessageonmyphoneandtiltedthescreentowardher.
No,butshe’sbeenstaringatmelikesheknowsme.What’sthatabout?Doyouthinkshe’ssussingoutthecompetition?
Laniscribbledagain.
Probablysussingoutyourboobs.DidImentionhowhottheylooktoday?
Itappedonmyphone.
Youdid.Thankyouforthat.We’lldiscussmyboobsandthebrunettewiththestaringproblemlater.
Themeetingendedafteraninterminablehour.Wewereinstructedtomingle,whichwaslaughable.Weallhaddeadlines—minglinghadn’tbeenbuiltintoourtimelines.
Iheadedbacktomycubicle,mymindonallIneededtogetdonetoday.Ididn’tnoticethepersonfollowingmeuntilIsatdownatmydeskandshewasthere,intheopeningofmycube.
Startled,ahandflewtomychest.Hercheeksflushed.
“I’msorry.Ididn’tmeantosneakuponyou.”
“That’sokay.Iwasn’tpayingattention.”Lettingmyhandfalltomydesk,Iwaitedforhertosaysomething.Shekeptstandingthere,shiftingbackandforthbetweenherfeet.“IstheresomethingIcanhelpyouwith?”
“Actually”—shepeeredatherphone—“areyouPatrickLincoln’sgirlfriend?”
Thehairsonthebackofmyneckrose.“Yes.Whydoyouask?”
“Well,wehaven’tmetyet,butmynameisKara.I’vebeendatingSteve”—Patrick’scollegeroommateandbestfriend—“andtheyaddedmetothegrouptextawhileago.”
“The…grouptext?”
Shenodded,takingastepcloser,herphoneclutchedinherhand.“Theonewithalltheguysfromcollege.”
“TheDrunkTank?”Patrick’sspecialnameforthatparticulargrouptext,which,asfarasIhadknown,wasstrictlyguyshewenttocollegewith—nosignificantothers.
“Yes.That’stheone.Idon’tknowwhytheyaddedmesinceI’veonlymetthemacoupletimes.”
Mystomachlurched.“You’vemetPatrick?”
Hernodwasslow,andinthespaceofseconds,sheseemedtorealizeIhadn’tknownthateither.
“Yes,Ihave.Stevebroughtmealongtothebar.Itwasamixedthing.Someoftheotherguyshadtheirgirlswiththem.Patricksaidyouwerebusywithwork.”
Icouldn’tquiteprocesswhatshewassaying.Itfeltlikesomeonehaddrapedfabricbetweenmeandtherestofreality,aninvisiblehazygauzebetweenus.Icouldn’ttrulyunderstandwhatwasgoingon.
“Howdidyourecognizeme?”Iheardmyselfask.
Thiswomanwasastranger,yetknewthingsaboutmyboyfriendIdidn’t.Shewasinhisgrouptext—theonethatwassupposedlyall“insidejokes”and“collegereferences”—theonePatrickwasalwaystappingawayinwhenweweretogether—theoneI’dneverworriedaboutbecauseItrustedhim.
“Well,that’swhatIwantedtotellyou.Iassumedyoudidn’tknowandcouldn’tingoodconscienceworkwithyouandnottellyouaboutthis.”
Sheheldherphoneouttome,andItookit,blinkingafewtimessoIcouldfocus.
TherewasaGIF.NotsentbyPatrick,buthisfratbrother,Chance.Thatwasnormal,fine,noproblem,exceptforthesubjectoftheGIF.
Itwasme,bouncingonmyknees,inabikini.
Chancehadsentit.
NotPatrick.
“Whatisthis?”Mythroathadgonedesertdry,myquestioncomingoutasarasp.
“Idon’tknowhowitstartedorwhostartedit,butalltheguysusethatGIF.Ifyouscrollback,youcansee—”
Ishookmyhead.“Nothankyou.Listen,Iappreciateyoutellingme,butIcan’tdothisatwork.”Thetearsthathadbeguntoforminmyeyesevaporated.“Thatwasverysolidofyoutoletmeknow.”
“Ofcourse.”Shetookherphonebackfromme.“Please,letmeknowifthere’sanythingIcando.”
Shestartedtoturn,andIcalledhername.Shestopped,raisingaquestioningbrow.
“Thisisaterribleplacetowork,”Itoldher.“Ifyoucangetout,youshould.”
Hereyeswentround.“Really?Ohgod,Iwashoping—”
“No.”Istackedmyhandsonmydesktokeepthemfromshaking.“Don’thope.You’llonlybedisappointed.It’sabad,badplace.”
Sheslumpedagainsttheopeningofmycube.“Damn.Well,thanksfortellingme.Womantowomanandallthat.”
Iloweredmyeyestomykeyboard.“Wehavetolookoutforeachother.CanyoudomeafavorandnottellSteveaboutthis?IwanttohavetheopportunitytofigureoutwhatI’mgoingtodobeforeItalktoPatrick.”
Shereachedout,likeshemeanttotouchme,butstoppedherself.“Ofcourse.Ihopeyou’reokay.”
Suckinginabreath,IflickedmygazetothephotoofPatrickandmeataweddingthreeyearsago.Hewasholdingme,nuzzlingmyneckwhileIlaughed.Backthen,I’dthoughthewasmagic.Now,Iwonderedifhewasnothingmorethananillusionist.
“Iwillbe.”
OnceIfoundoutjusthowdeepthisbetrayalwent.
LaniandBrandonhuddledaroundmeatmyplace.PatrickwasonaworktripinBostonandhadconvenientlylefthisiPadbehind.Brandonhadbeenpreparedtohackintoit,butitwasn’tlocked.Hewasn’teventryingtohidethisfromme.
BrandontooktheiPadandbegantoscrollthroughthemessages.Iwastoodizzyfromheartacheandtwoshotsofstraightvodkatobeinchargeofscrolling.
“WhenIsenthimthatvideo,hetoldmeIwashissexylittletreasure.”Iheldmyemptyglasstomylips,rollingitbackandforth.“AndwhenIgothome,hecouldn’tkeephishandsoffme.”
PatrickLincolnandIhadbeentogetherforfouryears.We’dmetatmyfirstjobpost-collegebackinDenver.Awhirlwind.Loveatfirstsight.SomethingI’dneverhad.
WhenhewastransferredtoChicago,wherehe’dgrownup,there’dbeennoquestionIwouldfollow,sayinggoodbyetomybrotherandcollegefriends.
Twoyearsin,thesparkdimmed.Hewasbusy.Iwasmiserableatwork.ButIlovedhimandwasdeterminedtobringusbacktotheearlydays.
Sparksdidn’thavetodim,didthey?
Ithoughtnot.
Lingerie,positions,spontaneity,toys—Ididitall.I’dbeenanawesomegirlfriend.
Ayearago,Iwentonagirls’triptoArubawithmycollegefriends.Oneofthemtookavideoofmeinmybikinionthebeach,downonmyknees,sultryandsexyforPatrick.Hemademefeelthatway.Alwayshad.Aftergrowingupasthefatgirl,havingamanwhoappreciatedeachofmycurvesgavemeconfidence.ItletmewalkaroundonthebeachinArubainabikini,feelinglikeadamngoddess.
“Ifoundit.”Brandon’slookwasgrim.“Thefirsttimehesharedthevideo.”
Iswallowedhard.“When?”
“Ayear.”
Ohgod.
ItooktheiPad,readingthedatefirst.He’dshareditwhileIwasinAruba.
Tyler:IseewhyyoucallherJT.
Chance:Shetrulylivesuptohername.
Steve-o:Doessheknowyousentthat?
Tricky:Shewasinpublicwearingthis.Who’sgoingtotellheranyway?Notyou.
MyeyesflickedtoBrandon.“What’sJTstandfor?”
Hegrimaced.
Lanislappedhisknee.“Justtellher.She’sgoingtofindoutanyway.”
Brandonwrappedhishandaroundmine.“It’sreallystupid,Lise.Fratboyhumoratitsfinest.”
Lanislappedhimagain.“Tellher!”
Hehuffed.“Itstandsforjiggletits.”
Icouldn’tevenforcemyselftoblink.Myboyfriend,theoneItrustedwithmybody,mysexuality,myeverything,hadturnedmeintoajoke.He’dtakenallmyinsecuritiesandGIF-ifiedthemforhisbuddies’amusement.
ItooktheiPadoutofBrandon’shands.Ihadtoseethiswithmyowneyes.
Chancewastheonewhotookaclipfromthevideo,sloweditdown,andturneditintoaGIF.Mebouncing,mytits,thighs,tummyjigglinginslow-mo.WhatI’dthoughtlookedsexynowseemedutterlylaughable.
TheguysusedtheGIFforthingslikethestockmarketgoingdown,newsofaplanecrash,Chance’sbaddate,Tyler’scargettingsideswiped,topunctuatehowhilariousajokewas.
Theyuseditallthetime.
Theynevercalledmebymyname.ItwasJTornothing.
Isqueezedmyeyesshut.ItwaslikeIwasbackinhighschoolagain.Alltheself-esteemI’dbuilt,theloveformybody,theconfidenceI’dgainedovertheyears,deflatedlikeasadlittleballoon.
Loveatfirstsight?
Ihuffedtomyself.
Thesightofmewasajoketohim.
“Areyougoingtocallhim?”Laniaskedcarefully.
“No.”Iopenedmyeyes.“Idon’twanttolookathim.”
LanigentlyslidtheiPadoutofmyhandsandplaceditonthecoffeetable.“Idon’tblameyou.IfIsawhimrightnow,I’dcarveouthisballswitharustyspoon.”
“Nice,”Brandonscoffed.“That’shelpful.”
“I’mexpressingmyanger,”Lanisaidprimly.“Itisn’tgoodtoholditin.”
Brandonpattedmyknee.“Whatdoyouwanttodo?”
“Ithink…”Isuckedinabreath,“Iwanttogetreally,reallydrunktonight.Tomorrow,I’lldeal.”
Lani,mydearsweetfriend,heldupthevodka.“Thatcanabsolutelybearranged.”
Twelvehourslater,Iwasdealing.
I’dneverbeenonetositaroundfeelingsorryformyself.Atleast,notforlong.
Icalledmybrother.
“Elliot.”
“What’swrong?”Itwassevena.m.inDenver,butElliotwasimmediatelyalert.Fromthesoundsinthebackground—voices,lowmusic,metalonmetal—knowingmybrother,hewasatthegym.
“IneedtoleaveChicagobytomorrow.”
Apause.Somethingbanging.“Whatdidhedo?”Hisjawwasclenched.
“Hehumiliatedme.Idon’twanttoseehim.Ineedtobegonebeforehe’sbackfromBoston.”
Anotherpause.Clankingthatsoundedlikeweights.“I’mcoming.I’llbetheretonight.Inthemeantime,I’llarrangemoversandmyassistantwillbookusaflightfortomorrowevening.Haveyouresigned?”
ThiswaswhyI’dcalledElliot.Notforhiswarmcaretaking.Elliotwasno-nonsense,all-action.ThatwaswhatIneeded.Action.Movement.Removingmyselffromthispitifulsituationasquicklyaspossible.
Ilickedmydrylips.“No.That’smynextplan.Andsoyou’renotalarmed,I’mgoinginvisible.”
Heclearedhisthroat.Allbusiness.“Changingphonenumbers?”
“Yes.Ihaveto.”BlockingPatrickwouldn’tbeenough.Notforme.Ihadtoextractmyselffromhislifecompletely.
“Allright.Thatisn’taproblem.I’llhaveanewphonecourieredtoyouthisafternoon.Isthatsoonenough?”
“Yes,Ican’timagineyoucouldhaveonetomeanysooneranyway.”
Hescoffed.“Thereareways.”That,Ibelieved.Elliotrosetochallenges.
Aman’svoicewasinthebackground.Someonefamiliar.Itriedtoblockitout.Ihadenoughtothinkabout.Hewasdemandingtoknowwhatwasgoingon.Mybrothertoldhim.
“It’sElise,”Elliottmurmured.“She’scominghome.”
Icouldn’theartheotherman’sresponse,butthen,Iwasactivelytryingnotto.
Wetalkedforanotherfewminutes,whichwasrare.Elliotwasmoreofabrieftexter.Checkedinafewtimesaweek,madesureIwasaliveandwell.Wecaredabouteachotherbutweren’tsiblingswhochattedabouttheweather.Well…Icouldhave.Itwasn’tElliot’sstyle.
Today,though,hedidn’trushoffthephone.Heusedhiscompassion,whichhenormallykepttuckedaway,andletmetalk.HeassuredmeIwouldbetakencareof.Iwouldstaywithhimuntilhefoundanacceptableapartmentforme.Thenhetoldmetherewasnothingformetoworryaboutanymore.HecouldshouldermyburdensuntilIwasreadytotakethemonagain.
Mybrother.
God.
Sometimes,Iforgotwhohewas,buthealwaysremindedme.
“Elise.”
“Yeah?”
“Tellmethetruth.I’llbeangryifyoudon’t.Didhehurtyouphysically?”
Aloudgruntinthebackground.Anotherclang.Thatsameman’svoice,whisperingviciously.Icouldn’tclosemyears,soIshutmyeyesinstead.
“No.Notphysically.Idon’twanttoreliveit.I’llsendyouthescreenshots.”
Hisintakeofbreathwassharp.“WillIneedtohiresomeonetotakehimout?”
“Isthat—youknowhowtodothat?”
“Elise.”Anadmonishment.LikeIwasstupidforasking.OfcourseElliotknewhowtodothat.Heknewhowtodoeverything.Ifhedidn’t,he’dfindout.
“Elliot,you’renothiringahitman.”
“Itwouldlooklikeanaccident.”
Inthebackground,therewasmentionoftakingouthiskneecaps.Itoldmyselfthesoundcamefromthetelevision—nothim
“Youdon’tevenknowwhathedid,”Iargued.
“Iknowitwasbad.Iknowhehurtyou.That’sallthatmatters.”
Withthat,ateartrackeddownmycheek.ThefirstoneI’dallowedsinceKarahadwalkedintomycubicle.Thiswasn’tforPatrick.Hedidn’tdeservemytearsandwouldn’tbegettingthem.
Anothertearfell.
Forthewaymybrotherlovedme.
Elliotmighthavebeencold.Hemighthaveseentheworldinblackandwhite.Butwhenpushcametoshove,heexcelledatbeingabigbrother.
“I’llbetheresoon,Elise.”
“Thankyou,Elliot.”
Iputmyphonedownandstoodup.TherewasalotIhadtodotoday—andsittingaroundfeelingsorryformyselfwasn’tonthelist.
Itwastimetobecomeaghost.ChapterTwo
Weston
ThemomentIsteppedintomycondo,everylastounceofpeacefromtheweekendwassuckedoutofme
Thestenchofweedhitmeashardasthemusicblaringfrommysoundsystem.ThankChristforbeinginthepenthouseormyneighborswouldhavebeenupinarms.Iftheroleswerereversed,Iwouldhavebeentoo.
Itossedmyheavybackpackdownonthefloorintheentry.Notmystyle,butI’dputitawayafterIdealtwiththemusic.ThenI’ddealwithMiles.
Clickingthemusicoff,Iscannedmylivingroom.Twoglassesofwineonthecoffeetable,onewithlipstickontherim.TheendofajointinaBaccarattumblerhalffilledwithmeltingice.Somethingpinkandlacyonthecarpet.Atiepointinglikeanarrowtothehallway.
Thiswaytotheasshole.
I’dleftfortheweekend,nottellinganyonebutmyassistantI’dbeoutofreach.Campingonmyown,somethingI’ddonesincechildhood.I’dneededthequiettogetmyheadreadyforwhatwastocome,andtherewasnothinglikebeingalone,underthestars,tomakeeverythingelsefeelsmall,includingme.
Inmyworld,wheremyrolewasbig—theboss,creator,CEO—havingthereminderIwasnothingmorethanapieceofdustinthegrandschemeofthingskeptmegrounded.Itgavemepeace.
Mileswasapeacekiller.Hehadradar,sensingmyemptycondofromamileaway.Itwasamuchmoreimpressivelocationtotakehishookupsthanhisbedroomatourparents’inthesuburbs.Ormaybehehadanapartmentnow.Itwasdifficulttokeeptrackofmybrotherandhislivingsituation.Aslongasheshoweduptoworkanddidhisjob,Iremainedhands-off.
Invadingmyhomewasunacceptable.Notthathecared.He’dbeenaloosecannonsincebirth.Ourmotherpinchedhischeeksathisantics.Ourfathercountedonmetokeephiminline.Atwenty-six-year-oldmanwhoneededtobekeptinline.
Itrankled.
“Miles!”Ibellowed.“Getyourfilthoutofmyapartment.”
Amomentofsilencethenafemininegiggle.Downthehallway,wherethebedroomswere,adooropened.Ithadbetterhavebeenaguestroom.Ifhe’dfuckedsomeoneinmybedagain,therewouldn’tbeenoughcampingtripsintheworldtocalmmyanger.
IttookasolidfiveminutesforMilestowanderintothelivingroom,stillpullinghisHenleyoverhishead.Hishairwasstickingupineverydirection,andtherewasahickeyonhisneck.
Ahickey.
Twenty-sixyearsold.
Jesus.
Hegrinned.“Hey,man.Ididn’tthinkyou’dbebackthisearly.”
Mygazesweptthemesshe’dleftinmyhome.Mybrowwinged,andIhuffed.“Clearly.Getout.”
“Calmdown.Myguestisgettingdressed.Don’tyouwantmetocleanup?”
“Iwantyoutoleave.Takethesheetswithyou.Idon’thavethetimenorinclinationforatriptotheincinerator.”
Hepickedupawineglassandsluggedbackthecontents.Wineasashooter.Nice.Onlymybrother.
“Aren’tyouanenvironmentalist?Burningperfectlygoodsheetsseemsprettywasteful.”
Ifoldedmyarmsovermychest.“Theywereperfectlygooduntilyourbareasstouchedthem.Idon’twanttheminmyhouseanymore.”
Hewavedmeoff.“Dramatics.Thesheetsarefine.Youprobablypaidamintforthem.Organiccotton,isit?NothingbutthebestforWestie.”
Therewasresentmentthere,andI’dneverknownwhy.MilesandIhadgrownupwiththesameprivileges,thesameopportunities.We’dbothgonetoIvyLeaguecolleges.Neverhadtostruggle.I’dlaunchedmybusinesswhilestillincollege.Mileshadyettoevenlaunchhimself.
Hetookdigsatme.Laughedatmysuccesses.Actedlikethemostput-uponmaninthestateofColorado.Yethe’dtakenthejobI’doffered.HadacceptedtheperksofbeinganAldrich—ofwhichthereweremany.
Hewasgivenrespectsimplybecauseofhislastname.
Still,theresentmentfestered.
“Ifyou’reinterestedinwhatthesheetsaremadeof,whydon’tyougrabthemandyourguestonyourwayout?Givemethekeybeforeyougo.”
Herolledhiseyes.“Enoughwiththesheets.Youwouldn’thaveknownIwaseverhereifyouhadn’tshownupearly.That’sonyou.”
Ashockedlaughexplodedoutofme.“That’sonme?Wheredoyougetoff?”
Itwasthenhisguestemerged.Shecouldn’thavebeenovertwenty.Ihopedlikehellshewasovereighteen.Milesdancedthelineofinappropriate,butifhewastrollingthelocalhighschoolfordates,I’dcallthecopsmyself.
“Howoldisshe?”
Milesturnedtothegirl.Smallandblonde,hermakeupwassmearedandherminidresswasinsideout.Alittlegirlplayingdress-upandgettingitallwrong.
“Howoldareyou,sweetheart?”hecooedather.
“I’mtwenty-one.”Herupperlipcurled.“Yousaidthiswasyourplace.What,doyoulike,livewithyourdadorsomething?”
ThatmadeMilessnicker.“Mydad.Holyfuck,you’regreat.”Heturnedtome,hisforeheadcrinkledwithamusement.“Didyouhearthat?Thatstickupyourassisagingyou,bro.Youlookoldenoughtobemydearoldfather.”
Mynostrilsflared.NotbecauseIwasinsultedbysomeyounggirlwhocouldn’tevenputherclothingoncorrectly—no,itwasbecausetheywerebothstillinsidemyhome.
“Getout.”Myjawwastootight.MydentisthadalreadywarnedmeIwasboundtocrackamolar.“Leavethekey.”
MilessighedlikeIwasaskingalotofhimthenusheredthegirlout.Whilehedealtwithher,Isatdownonthecouchandscrolledthroughmyneglectedtexts.IclickedonElliott’s.
Elliott:Eliseismovedin.
Succinct.ThatwasElliottLevy,mybestfriendsincechildhood.Hisyoungersister,Elise,hadneededaplacetoliveinDenver,andI’dsecuredanapartmentinmybuilding.AlthoughIhadn’tseenheryet,she’dbeenbackintownforacoupleweeksandhadmovedinthisweekendwhileIwascamping.
Me:Good.Doesshelikeit?
Elliott:She’spleased.Thebuildingissecure,andmostimportantly,herexhasnoideawheresheis.
Me:Didyougivehermynumber?Incasesheneedsanything.
Elliott:I’msureshehasit.
Iwasn’tsocertain.Ifshedidhaveit,shehadn’tuseditinyears.
Milesploppedontheotherendofthecouch.Hehadn’tleftwithhisguest.Hadn’tevenescortedherdownstairs.
Agentleman,thatone.
Iraisedabrow.“You’restillhere.”
“Yeah.”Hesliddownonthecushion,lacinghishandsbehindhishead.“ThinkI’llstayforawhile.Howwascamping?”
“HowdoyouknowwhereIwas?”
“Contextclues,Westie.Thebigbackpackintheentry.Yourabsenceallweekend.Oh,andyourassistantspilledthebeans.”
“Shedidn’t,”Igrowled.
Renatahadbeenwithmesincedayone—whenI’dbarelybeenabletopayher.Shewasloyaltoherbonesand,unlikemanyofmyemployees,wasn’tcharmedbyMiles.IfIcouldn’ttrusther,therewasnooneIcouldtrust.
Heheldahandup.“Whoa,whoa,whoa.Noneedtogopostal.Renataisinnocent.Imighthavetoldhertherewasafamilyemergency.Pulledathergrandmaheartstrings.Shefinallytoldmewhereyouwere.I’llsendherflowerstomakeupforit.”
“I’llsendherflowersasanapologyforhavingtoputupwithmybrother.”
Heflickedhisfingersinmydirection.“Fine,fine.I’msurewhateveryouchoosewillbebetteranyway.Justsignmynametoit.”Hishandwentbacktobehindhishead.“Anyway,youneveranswered.Howwascamping?”
Isighed.TherewasnoreasoningwithMiles.I’dtriedforyears,butitwasanexerciseinfrustration.
“Good.IsetupnearClary’sPass.”
“Ilikeitoutthere.Youshouldhaveaskedmetocome.”
“Thepointwastogetsomepeaceandquiet.”
Heturnedhisheadtowardme.“Icanbequiet.MaybeIcouldusesomepeacetoo.”
“Nexttime.”
Hechuckled.“That’snottrueandwebothknowit.Whenwasthelasttimeyoutookmewithyou?”
“Idon’tknow.”Iscrubbedatmygrittyface.Afterafour-hourhikebacktomycarthisafternoon,Ineededashower.Butthatwouldn’tbehappeninguntilMilesgotgoneandleftmykeybehind.“BeforeIwenttocollegeprobably.”
“WhenMommadeyoutakeme.”
“WhenyouthoughtitwasagoodideatotakeLSDinthemiddleofnowhere,andIhadtocarryyou,nakedandsingingtheBeatlesatthetopofyourlungs,backtomycar.Thatwasthelasttime.”
Aslowgrinspreadacrosshisface.“Ohyeah.Thatwasfun.Weshoulddothatagain.I’llbeyoursobercompanionthistimeandcarryyourbigasslikeabackpack.”Hehelduphisarmandflexed.“I’vebeenworkingout,Westie.Icoulddoit.”
Igrimaced.Theideaofputtingmyselfinmybrother’scarewasabsolutelyterrifying.
“Nothanks.”
Hereleasedalongexhale,hisgrinslipping.“Eh,itwasworthashot.”Hesnappedhisfingers.“I’vebeenmeaningtotellyou,Iwon’tbeintheofficethisweek.”
Isatupright,mynarrowedeyesfocusedonmyhaplessbrother.“Whyisthat?”
Heshrugged.“MomaskedmetoflywithhertoFrance.Icouldn’tsayno,couldI?IalreadyletRenataknow.Myworkiscovered.IevensentanemailtoHR.”Hebrushedoffhisshoulders.“Comeon,youcansayit.You’reproudofmeforbeingresponsible.”
Theknotinmystomachloosened.Iwantedtobeangryathim.Hecertainlyknewhowtopushtheboundaries.Buthe’dtakenalltherightstepsandtherewasreallynothingtobeangryabout.
“Fine.Nexttime,givememorewarning.”
Hehadagoofygrinonhisfaceagain.“Ifyou’rejealous,justsaythat.Iknowit’stoughnotbeingMom’sgoldenboy.”
Iremainedunaffectedbyhisprodding.I’dhearditonetoomanytimes.
“Aren’tyouleaving?”
“Nah.”Hesettleddeeperintothecouch.“ThinkI’llhangoutforawhile.Youwon’tseemeforawholeweek,soI’llgiveyoutheopportunitytogetyourfilltotideyouoveruntilnexttime.”
Exasperated,Ipushedupfromthecouchandheadedtowardmybedroom.“I’mgoingtoshower.Youcangonow.Leavethekeyonthecounteronyourwayout.”
Milescalledouttome.“Inyourdreams!”
HetrulyhadnoideahowrighthewasChapterThree
Elise
Threeweekspost-ghosting,post-move,post–newlife,todaywastheday:
Myfirstdayatmynewjob.
Insomeways,thingswereeasier.Mynewapartmentwasgorgeous.Ofcourse,therewasnothingbutthebestforElliotLevy’slittlesister.Thatwaswhathispropertymanagerhadtoldme.
Downtown.
Views.
Spacioustwobedrooms.
Check,check,check.
Saoirsedancedintomybedroomwithoutknocking.Butthen,wehadanopen-doorpolicy:aslongasourdoorswereopen,eitherofuswaswelcometodanceonin.Athrowbacktoourcollegedays.Wewerepickingupwherewe’dleftoffasroommates.
WhenImovedtoChicagothreeyearsago,IneverthoughtI’dbebackhere,livingwithSaoirseagain.Myfeelingswerestillmixedaboutbeingback,butlivingwithSaoirse?Iwasn’tambivalentinanyway.Shewasmyfavoritehuman.Icountedmyselfluckyshewaswillingtobemyroommateonemoretime.
“Oh,youlookgood.”Shecircledherfingerintheair.“Doatwirlforme,pretty.”
Anothertradition.Beforegoingout,we’dalwayshypeeachotherup.Thesamethingappliedforjobinterviews,dates,firstdays…
Itwirledforher,needingthehypenowmorethanever,andshewolf-whistled.
“Nice,honey.Youlookreadytogooutandmakethatbank.Tittiesaretittyingnicely.”
Isnortedalaughandcuppedmybreasts.I’dgonesomewhatconservativeformyfirstday.Blackcigarettepants,awhiteV-neckthatbarelyshowedahintofcleavagebutdidmoldaroundmyamplechest,andanoversized,men’sstyletweedblazer.
“DoIwantmytittiestittyingattheoffice?”
Shearchedabrow.“Comeon,Lisie.Webothknowyourboobsarealwaysworkingovertime.Theyhavenochoicebuttobebanging.”
Shespokethetruth.MybreastsenteredaroombeforeIdid.AsmuchasItriedtodownplayit,therewasnorealwaytodisguisetheroundnessofmybody.NotthatIshouldhavehadto,butI’dneedsometimetogetbacktowhereI’dbeenbeforetheGIF.
WhenIfrownedatmyreflectioninmyfloor-lengthmirror,Saoirsesteppedupbehindme,wrappingherlongarmsaroundmyshoulders,andpressedherfacenexttomine.
SaoirseKellywasbeautiful.Tallandlean,herblondehairseemedtobepermanentlylitbythesun.ShewasthedaughterofaCaliforniastatesenatorandaWyomingrancher.Therewerelong,richlegaciesonbothsidesofherfamily,butmeetingher,you’dneverknowit.Saoirsewaspeppyandkind,withasunshinepersonalitythatwasmorecontagiousthanirritating.We’dmetateighteeninthedormsofCU-Boulderandhadimmediatelyclicked.BesidesElliot,shewasthepersonI’dmissedmostwhileI’dlivedinChicago.
HavingherbackinmylifefulltimewasmoreofareliefthanI’dthoughtitwouldbe.
“It’sgoingtobegreat,Lise.I’llbeherewhenyougethomewithwineandpizza.Ican’twaittohearhowimpressedeveryonewasbyyou.”
Ismooshedmycheekintohers.“You’reonlysayingthatbecauseyouloveme.”
“That’strue.ButIalsoknowyoubetterthananyone,somyopinionshouldcountthemost.”
Itshould,shewasright.Butthatwasn’thowitworked.Amillioncomplimentscouldbedecimatedbyoneinsult.
IwasstillprettydecimatedbytheGIF.AsmuchasIdidn’twanttobe.Butthathadnothingtodowithtoday.TodaywasaboutleavingbehindthedrudgeryofRichthinkandacareerpathI’dmistakenlystumbleddownandestablishingmyselfasaprofessionalwriter.
EliseLevy
Copywriter
Andes,Inc.
Mynewtitlewasembossedonmyfreshlymadebusinesscards.Iwasn’tcertainIneededthem,butwhenElliothadhandedmeaboxcontainingfivehundred,I’dgottenbutterflies.
“Okay,Ibelieveyou.”Imethereyesinthemirror.“IthinkI’mreadytogo.”
Shesmiled.
Ismiledback.
Hereitgoes.
Andes,Inc.headquartersstoodoutfromthehigh-risesaroundit.Ateightstories,ithadbeenbuiltasanenvironmentalist’sdream.Agreenspaceandsolarpanelsontheroof,lightshelves,andenergyefficientwindowcoating,itscarbonfootprintwaslowerthananybuildingitssizeinthestate.
I’dreadthisonthewebsitebeforemyfirstinterview.
Ialwaysoverpreparedmyself.ItwasaLevytrait.Elliotdidn’tmeetanyonewithoutcompilingadossieronthem.Ofcourse,hewasCEOofamultibillion-dollarcompanyandIwasasimplecopywriter—thebutterflieswerestilltherejustthinkingaboutmynewtitle—soourscalesofpreparednesswereslightlydifferent,butthepointremainedthesame.
Iwalkedintothelobby.Brightlightfilledtheopen,four-storyfoyersurroundedbywindows.Iwasearly,soitwasn’tcrowded,butitwasn’temptyeither.MyheartwasinmythroatasIstrodetothebankofglass-enclosedelevators.Nervesandexcitementblended.I’dbefineonceIgotstarted.Itwastheunknownthathadmeonedge.
Theelevatordoorsslidopen,andIsteppedinwithtwootherwomen.Politesmileswereexchangedthentheypickeduptheirconversationonfalldesigns.
“Holdtheelevator.”Agruffcommandjustoutsidetheslidingdoors.
Myhandshotout,hittingtheopenbutton.Ilookedup,mybreathcatchingatthemaninafittedsuit,crispwhiteshirt,notie.
WestonAldrichsteppedintotheelevator,hisheaddown,tappingonhisphone.
IthadbeenyearssinceI’dseenhim
“Eight,”hemurmured,turningtofacethefront.
Thewomenstoppedtalking,lookingatmewithexpectation,butIwasfrozeninplace.Whatcouldtheypossiblyexpectfromme?
Theelevatorbegantomove,andWestonglancedatthepanelofnumbersclosertohimthanwhereIwas,slightlybehindhisrightshoulder.Hadhewantedmetopushhisfloorforhim?
Weascended,andIstudiedWeston’sback.I’dforgottenhowmuchspacehetookup.Notjustfromhisimmenseheightandthebreadthofhisshouldersbuthispresence.Heseemedtostretchtheairaroundhim.
Westoppedonthree,andthetwowomenhurriedoff.Westonreachedforward,hittingtheeight.Thedoorsclosed,leavingusalone.Hemovedover,almostbesidemeinsteadofinfront,leavingplentyofspacebetweenus.Alwaysconsideratelikethat.
Istaredatmyshoes.Ifhenoticedme,recognizedme,hedidn’tsayaword.ThatwaswhatIwanted.Atleastfortoday.
TherewasnohopeI’davoidWestonforever.Thiswashiscompany,afterall,andhewasElliot’sbestfriend.EvenifImanagedtogetoutofsocializingwithhimwithmybrother,Iwouldbeinthesamebuildingwithhimeveryday.
Dayone—wewerealreadysharinganelevator.
Wefinallyarrivedontheseventhfloor,andinmyperiphery,Westonraisedhishead.AsIsteppedforward,heglancedatme.Iheldmybreath,bracingmyself,buthedidn’tsayaword.
Assoonastheopeningwaswideenoughformetofit,Iwasthroughthedoors,chargingforwardlikeIknewexactlywhereIwasgoing.Fortunately,Iendedupatareceptiondesk,leavingWestonbehind.
Thereceptionistforthecreativefloor,whereIworked,showedmetomydesk.TherewerenocubesatAndes.Theentirespacewasopen,someindividualdesks,somelongtablesmeantforcollaborating.
Ispentthefirstpartofmydayreadingthroughemployeemanuals,stoppingeveryfewminutestomeetnewcoworkers.Imemorizedafewoftheirnames,butthereweresomanynewfaces,allyoung,fresh,outdoorsy,theyblendedtogether.
WhenIwasn’treading,Iwaswatchingtheinnerworkingsoftheofficeoutofthecornerofmyeye.Richthinkhadbeenquiet,peoplestayinghuddledintheircubesmostoftheday.Here,peoplelaughedfreely.Theystoppedbyeachother’sdesks,spoke,sharedcomputerscreens.Itwasearly,butthestrikingdifferencesmademeoptimisticaboutmyfuturehere.
Halfwaythroughtheday,justasmystomachstartedtogrowl,twopeopleapproachedmydesk.Ilookedupandblinked.Atall,lankymanstoodbesideashort,button-nosedwomanIrecognizedasthereceptionistfromearlier.Together,theywerestrikinglysimilartoLaniandBrandon.
“Hey,newbie.We’regoingdowntothecafeteriaforlunch.Wanttojoin?”Theman’saccentwashalfBritish,halfColorado.
Thewomannodded,hercurlsbouncing.“Pleasecomewithus.I’mpreparedtogossipaboutallourcoworkers,ifthat’sincentivetoyou.”
Withalaugh,IgrabbedmypursefromwhereI’dstasheditinmydesk.I’dbeenbracedtoeatlunchonmyown,butthiswasamuchbetteroffer.“That’sdefinitelyincentive.”
Intheelevatordowntothefirstfloor,IturnedtotheLaniandBrandonlookalikes.“I’mreallysorry,butIhavenoideawhatyournamesare.It’sjust…Imetsomanypeople—”
Themanturnedtowardthebackwall,attemptingtohidehissnicker.LaniTwostuckoutherhand.Weshook.
“I’mRebecca.ThatwankerisSimon.LivedintheStatessincehewassevenandstillclinginghardtothataccent.”
Simon,inanAndespulloverandkhakipants,smoothedahanddownhischest.“Don’tspillallmysecrets,cricket.We’retryingtocharmthenewbiesowe’renotstuckwithjusteachotheratluncheveryday.”
Hewinkedatmeinawaythatletmeknowwewerebattingforthesameteam.IwasbeginningtosuspectheandRebeccareallyweretheColoradoLaniandBrandon.
“EveryonecallsmeLise,bytheway.IdroppedtheEbackinhighschool.”
Rebeccabobbedherhead.“Efficient.Ilikeit.”
Thecafeteria,liketherestofAndesheadquarters,wasopenandbright,withwindowsfromfloortoceiling.InabbedaveggieburgerandsweetpotatofriesthenfoundaseatwithRebeccaandSimon.
Rebeccalaunchedrightin.“Okay,basics.I’mmarriedtoSam,highschoolsweetheart.Simonissingleandreadytomingle…withmen,incaseyouwerewondering.Thebestbathroomisonthethirdfloor.Thebestsnacksareinthefifth-floorcommonarea—youjusthavetoavoidMatilda,fifth’sreceptionist.Ifsheseesyou,you’llbestucktalkingtoherforasolidhour.Ummm…whatelse?”
Shetappedherfingersagainsthertemple.“Oh!YoucangetAndesclothesatcostfromthecompanystore.”Shegesturedtoherfittedhoodieandutilityskirt.“BeforeIworkedhere,Iwouldn’thavebeencaughtdeaddressinglikethis,butinallhonesty,it’sincrediblycomfortable.”
Simontorehisrollapartanddippedapieceinhissoup.“Yup.EveryonewearsAndesaroundhere.IknowwealllooklikeLemmings,butIswear,onceyou’vebeenherealittlewhile,you’llwanttolooklikeOutdoorBarbie.”
Rebeccaagreed.“It’ssomethingintheair.”
WestonhadstartedAndesincollege.He’dinventedafillerforcoatsthatwasthin,moreenvironmentallysoundthandownorcotton,yettrappedheatinsideandkeptcoldoutbetterthananythingonthemarket.Overthelastdecade,Andeshadexpandedfromcoatstoanoutdoorlifestylebrandwithstandalonestoresallovertheworld.EventheUSwinterOlympicteamworeAndes.Westonhadcreatedsomethinghuge,allfromanideahe’dhadwhenhewastwenty.
Asidefromthecoathe’dgivenmewhenIwasstillinhighschool—thatIhadn’tworn—I’dneverownedapieceofAndesclothing.Iwasn’tplanningtostartnow.
Ituggedatthecollarofmyblazer.“Idon’tthinkI’mgoingtobeabletogiveupbusinesscasual.It’stooingrainedinme.”
Rebeccatippedherkombuchatowardme.“I’llbewaitingwithan‘Itoldyouso’thefirsttimeyoucometoworkinapuffervest.”
Mynosescrunched.“No.ThereisabsolutelynowayI’maddingpufftomyself.Thatwon’tbehappening.I’vealreadygotenoughgoingon.”
Thatmadethembothlaugh,butitwastrue.I’dspentmyadultyearshoningmystyle.Icoulddocasual,buthoodiesandsweatsmademelooklikeI’dspentalldayonthecouchanddidn’tgiveadamnaboutmyself.Thenagain,AndeshoodieswerealotmoresleekthantheonesI’downedinthepast…
Istoppedmytrainofthought.HadIalreadybeeninfectedbythebrainwashingairpumpinginthroughthevents?
“Okay,okay.Enoughaboutclothes.”Simonpattedhismouthwithhisnapkin.“Let’sdiscusstherealtea—you.Whereareyoufrom?Whyareyousocute?Whatdidyoudobeforeyoujoinedus?”
Rebeccasmackedhisarm.“We’resupposedtobedishingaboutAndesthenpryingintoLise’spersonallife.You’regoingoutoforder.”
Herolledhiseyes.“Allright,fine.Herearethebasics:mostpeopleareteamplayers.Ifthey’renot,theylearnprettyquicklyWestonAldrichdoesn’tplaythatgame.Therewasthisguywhojoinedthecreativeteamlastyear,DavefromCanada—”
Rebeccagroaned.“Oh,DavefromCanada,whydidyouhavetogiveyourhomelandabadname?”
“Right?Canadiansaresupposedtobefriendly,thentherewasDave.Hewasasquirrellyfellow,butwe’renaivelittlelambsdrinkingtheAndeswater,soofcoursewetrustedhim.Afterabrainstormingsessionwiththevisualteam,DavetrotteduptoWeston’sofficeandpresentedtheteam’sideasashis.”
Isuckedinabreath.“Backstabber.”
SimonpickeduphisknifeanddidaPsychoimitation.“Totalreh-reh-rehscreaming-in-horrormoment.”
“WhatdidWestondo?”Iasked.
Rebeccapressedonherfreckledcheeks.“Itwasglorious.”
Simonnodded.“HebroughtDavebacktothecreativefloor,forcedhimtotelleveryoneabouthisbrilliantideas,thengavehimthedressingdownofalifetime.IwishI’drecordedit.DavenevershowedhisCanadianfaceattheofficeagain.”
Rebecca’seyesdartedtotheside.“Speakofthedevil.”
Iturned—andtherewasnothingsubtleaboutmymovement.WestonAldrichwaswalkingthroughthecafeteria,anolderwomanononeside,amanaroundhisageontheother.AsfarasIhadseen,Westonandthemanweretheonlypeoplewearingsuitsinthebuilding.
Theywereinconversation,butWestonpausedeachtimehewasgreeted,givingnodsorexchangingafewwords.
“Dopeoplelikehim?”Iasked,myeyesstilldrinkinginthemanIfirstmetwhenIwasalittlegirl.
“He’swellrespected,”Rebeccaanswered.
“It’shardtoreallylikeamanthat…untouchable,Iguessistheword,”Simonadded.“Idon’tmeanthatinabadway.He’sinvolvedinthecompanyoneverylevel,andhe’sapproachable.It’sjustthatnoonereallyknowshim.Well,asidefromhisassistant,Renata.”
Westonsuddenlyturnedhishead,asifsensingweweretalkingabouthimeventhoughhewastoofarawaytohearourquietconversation.Hissearchinggazefoundmineeasily.Hiseyesscannedfromthetopofmyheaddowntothetable,wheremyhandswereclasped,thenreturnedtomyeyes.
Myheartwastrappedinmythroat.Icouldn’thavelookedawayifI’dwantedto.WestonAldrichhadgrownintoabeautifulman,ofthat,therewasnodoubt.Thenagain,I’dthoughthewasbeautifulwhenIwastenandhewasfourteenandhesatwithmeinmyfamily’sdenwhereI’dhiddenduringmyfather’sShiva.
Hismouthmoved,formingonewordthatmademyinsidesrevolt.
“Ellie.”
Hisnicknameforme.Theonethathadcaughton—
No.Iwasn’tgoingtothinkaboutthatnow.Notwithmynewcoworkersinmynewlife.I’dleftthatinthepast.
Istraightenedinmyseat,cuttingoffeyecontactwithWeston.RebeccaandSimonwerebothstaringatme,theireyeswide.
“Whatwasthat?”Rebeccademandedinagentle,jokingway.
“So”—Ituckedmyhairbehindoneear—“mybrotherandWestonwere…well,aregoodfriends.”
“Ohshite.”Simonscrubbedathismouth.“DidIsayanythingbad?Idon’tthinkIdid,but—”
Ireachedacrossthetabletopathishand.“Stop,please.IbarelyknowWeston.Ipromise,I’mnotreportingbackwhatyousayabouthim.Andno,youdidn’tsayanythingbad.”
SimonandRebeccaexchangedlooks,liketheydidn’tquiteknowwhattobelieve.
ThenSimonstartedmumbling,“Ohshite,ohshite,ohshite,”beforeperkingupintoasunnysmile.“Mr.Aldrich.”
Rebeccawavedatthemanstandingrightbehindmyleftshoulder,hishandgrippingthebackofmychair.
“Hi,Mr.Aldrich.”
“Rebecca,Simon.Havingagoodlunch?”Hisvoice.I’dforgottenwhatithadsoundedlikeinperson.WhenIheardhiminthebackgroundofmyphonecallswithmybrother,distancedulledsomeoftheeffect.Inperson,itwasrichandsmooth,likethefinestmorselofdarkchocolate.
Simonblushedashenoddedvigorously.“Weare.RebeccaandIaregettingtoknowournewestemployee.”
“Thekombuchaisdelicious,”Rebeccaadded,hercheeksturningadeepshadeofpinkthatmatchedSimon’s.
“That’sgoodtoknow.”Heturned,movingbesideme,effectivelyblockingmyviewofmylunchmates.Ihadtotipmyheadbacktoseehim.Hewasstaringdownatmewithanimpassiveexpression.“Howisyourfirstday?”
Thesewerethefirstwordshe’dspokentomeinthreeyears.Irememberedthelastones.“You’remakingamistake.”He’dbeenright,ofcourse,butI’dneveradmitthattohim.
Puttingonmybestprofessionalsmile,Ierasedthepastfrommymind.Thismanwasmyboss,Elliot’sfriend—nothingmore.
“Mydayhasbeenreallygreatsofar.SimonandRebeccaarethebestgreetingcommitteeever.”Iheldupawiltedsweetpotatofry.“Andthesearedelicious.I’llhavetotrythekombuchatomorrow.”
FrombehindWeston,Rebeccaletoutalittlesnort.
Westonremainedunaffected.Butthatwashim,calmandcool.
“Weshouldgetback,”Isaid.“Istillhavealottocatchupon.”
Weston’sheavystaregrewpinched.Hewassohighup,myneckstrainedtokeeplookingathim.Loweringmychin,Igrabbedmyphoneoffthetable.Foramoment,noonemoved,thenIfeltasubtledragofWeston’sknucklesalongmyshoulderblade.Istiffenedatthesurprisingcontact,andhishandfellawayinaninstant.
“Haveagoodrestofyourday,”hesaidcurtlybeforeturningandwalkingaway.
IplasteredonabigsmileforSimonandRebecca.“Areyouguysreadytogo?”
Thetwoofthemweremynewfavoritessincetheydidn’taskanyfurtherquestionsaboutWeston.Maybeitwasobviousfromourbriefinteractionwereallydidn’thavearelationshipofanysort.
Ireallydidn’twanttothinkabouthimanymore.
Thiswasmynewjob,mynewlife.
WestonAldrichwasgoingtobeavery,verydistantpartofit.ChapterFour
Weston
Fivedaysaweek,atsixa.m.,ImetElliotLevyandLucaRossiatourprivategym.
IfIwantedtobeaccurate,andIdid,IshouldhavesaidImetElliotatthattime.Lucamakingitanywherewhenheshouldhavewasacrapshoot.Today,hearrivedatsixfifteen.
“Hello,gentlemen.”LucastoppedbyElliot,whowasdoinglegpresses,takingaswipeacrosshisbrow.“Workingupasweatalready.Verynice.”
Elliotgrunted.Hewasn’tabigtalker,especiallysothisearlyinthemorning.Lucamadeupforhissilence,regalinguswithtalesofhisdebaucherousnightsout.Hehadn’tchangedmuchsinceStanford.Older,somewhatwiser,butstillnointentionofslowingdown.
“How’sElisesettlingin?”heaskedElliot.
IdroppedthedumbbellI’dbeenusingandwipedmyfaceoffwithmytowel,curiousaboutElliot’sanswer.MyfirstglimpseofEliseLevysincehergoing-awaydinnerthreeyearsagohadn’ttoldmemuchaboutherstate.
“Fine.Shelikeshernewplace.”Heturnedhishead,glancingatLucathenme.“Patrickcontinuestocallme.Iwouldblockhim,exceptgettingtohearhismiserygivesmeajoyIcan’tseemtopartwith.”
Ihuffedadrylaugh.“Hestillhasnoideawheresheis?”
“Well…”Elliot’smouthhitched,“Ithinkhehassuspicionsshe’sbackinColorado,butsinceIhavecontinuedtodenyknowledgeofElise’sveryexistence,letaloneherwhereabouts,he’sfairlylost.”
Istaredathim,blinking,inaweofthedepthsofhisduplicity.“You’redenyingherexistence?”
Elliotnodded.“HowcanIknowwheresheiswhenIdon’thavethefaintestideawhohe’stalkingabout?”
IwouldhavesaidIwassurprisedbyElliot’scunning—gaslightingamanintobelievinghisgirlfriendoffouryearswasafigmentofhisownimagination—butIhadknownhimmostofmylife.TherewasnothingandnoonehecaredmoreaboutthanElise.
Lucachuckled.“CanIjustsayhowproudIamofyoursister?Ghostingthatdickishonestlytheworstrevenge.Iwishyou’dinstalledcamerassowecouldhavewatchedhisreactionwhenhecamehomeandallherthingsweregone—that’stheonlythingthatwouldhavemadethisbetter.”
Elliotdidn’tlaugh.“Sheshowedmethescreenshots.Hedeserveseveryounceofpainhe’sfeeling.”
ElliotrefusedtoshareexactlywhatPatrickhaddonetodriveEliseaway,andthatwasfine.ThoughIwasn’tclosewithherthesedays,shewasmybestfriend’ssister,soIwasnaturallyprotective.Andsincemyinvestorswouldn’ttakekindlytomemurderingaman,evenifhedeservedit,itwasbetterIdidn’tknow.
“Ifheshows,letmeknow.”Lucacrackedhisknuckles.“Ihaven’tscrappedwithanyoneintoolong.I’mfeelingbloodthirsty.”
Elliotgotupfromthelegpressandwipedthemachinedownwithhistowel.“Hewon’tshow.Hedidn’tworkforherwhenhehadher,soI’mcertainflyingacrossthecountryistoomucheffortnowthatshe’sgone.”
Iclimbedontoatreadmill.Lucahoppedontheonebesideme.WhileElliotstayedmostlyquietduringhisworkout,Lucalikedtoengage.Iwassomewhereinthemiddle,atleastwiththem.Ihadnodesireorneedtohavesmalltalkwithanyoneelse.Fortunatelythefewotherpeoplewhowerehereatthesametimekepttothemselves.
“YesterdaywasElise’sfirstday,right?”Lucaasked.
Inarrowedmyeyesathim.Hepushedbuttonsonthedisplayofhistreadmill
“Whyareyouaskingsomanyquestionsabouther?”
Heturned,hisbrowpinched.“Whyshouldn’tI?She’sElliot’ssister.Icareabouthim,sobyextension,Icareabouther.Don’tyou?”
“Ofcourse.”
Hetiltedhishead.“Thentellmehowthefuckherfirstdaywas,West.It’snotatrickquestion,Icanpromiseyouthat.”
Iincreasedthespeedonmytreadmill.“Isawheronce.Sheseemedtobesettlingin.”
“Seemedtobe?Didyouask?”
“IaskedherhowherdaywasgoingwhenIsawherinthecafeteria.”
“Hmmm.”
Myeyesslidsideways.“Whatdoesthatsoundmean?”
“Idon’tknow.”Hisfeetclappedonthebeltofhismachine.“Ifshewereworkingforme,I’dliketothinkI’dtakegreaterpainstowelcomeher,notleaveourmeetingtoachancerun-inatlunchtime.”
“Interestinginformation.FortunatelyforElise,shedoesn’tworkforyou.”
Luca’sfamilyownedmotorcycles.Andbythat,Imeanttheyownedthecompanythatmanufacturedthetop-sellingmotorcyclebrandintheUS.Oneday,whenhisfathersteppeddown,he’dtakeoverthebusiness.Heruedthatday,sinceitmeanthe’dhavetogrowup,beresponsible,actuallyshowupattheofficedaily.Foramanwhowaschaosincarnate,hisfuturewasanightmareforhim,soIimaginedevenattemptingtoworkforhimwouldbeequallyhellish.
“Nodoubt.Butdon’tyouthinkyoushouldreachout?Maybeinvitehertolunchwithyou?Ifyouhadasister,Elliotwoulddothat.”
WebothglancedatElliot,who’dmovedontolegcurls,andlaughed.TheideaofElliotLevygoingoutofhiswayforanyonebutusorElisewasunimaginable.HebarelyacknowledgedIhadabrother.Icouldn’tseehimevertakingMilestolunch.
“Elise…doesn’tlikeme.”
IfelthimlookingatmebutkeptmyeyesstraightaheadasIjogged.
“EliseLevy?Elliot’ssweetlittlesisterwiththebigdimpleinherrightcheek?”
“Left.”Iclearedmythroat.
“Yeah,leftcheek.”Hereachedoverandbackhandedmybicep.“There’snowayshedoesn’tlikeyou.Notthatyou’reimmenselylikable.Youcoulddowithlighteningupeveryonceinawhile.”
“Thankyou,”Iintoned.
“Noproblem.”Heslappedmeagain.“WhatI’msayingis,Eliseisanicegirlwho’sbeenthroughthewringer.Ifshewasn’toverlyfriendlyyesterday,it’sprobablyyourfault,nothers.Maybeyoucouldtonedownthebig,bad,grumpyCEOvibeandinvitehertolunchlikeaguywho’sknownhersinceshewasakid.”
Ismackedthecontrolpanel,raisingmyincline.“I’llconsiderit.”
“Consideritthendoit.Elliotwillappreciateherhavinganotherbigbrotherlookingoutforhissister.”
Hewould.Thatwastrue.Ifhethoughthecouldgetawaywithbodyguardssurroundinghissister,theywouldhavebeenhiredyearsago.Thatwasn’taroleIwaswillingtoplay.ThedayswhenIlookedatherasmylittlesisterandshelookedbackatmelikeIcoulddonowrongwerelong,longgone.
Butshewasmyemployee.
IwouldwelcomehertothecompanylikeIwouldanyoneelse.
ItwastheleastIcoulddo.
Thedaystartedoffwrongandhadonlydeclinedfromthere.IrubbedmytemplesafterhangingupfromacallwithoneofoursuppliersinCalifornia.Thatwasn’tsomethingInormallyhadahandin,butIhadbeenworkingwiththisparticularfactorysincetheverybeginningandrefusedtorelinquishmypersonalrelationshipssimplybecausemycompanyhadgrownbeyondwhatI’dprojected
Butthosepersonalrelationshipscouldbeadetriment.Mysupplierseemedtothinkourbusinessfriendshipmeanthecoulddelayourdeliverywithasimpleapologyandafewstutteredexcuses.
No.
Ilethimknowthatwasnotacceptable.
Wewerenotfriends.
Iwouldfindanewsupplierifthishappenedagain.
Now,Iwasrubbingmytemples,notunderstandingwhyitwasdifficultforsomepeopletodotheirjobs.Whybotherdoingitifit’snotdonecorrectly?Icouldn’twrapmyheadaroundshoddyworkmanshipinanyarena,muchlesswhenmillionsofdollarswereatstake.
Renataknockedonmyopendoor.“West.”
“Yes?”
“Youhaveahalfhourinyourschedule.Youshouldgrablunch.”
Exhaling,Iglancedatmycomputerscreenthenbacktomyassistant.Renatawouldneverdreamofcuttingcorners.Thatwaswhyshestillhadajob.
Tappingmyforehead,IrememberedwhatI’dpromisedafewdaysago.“DomeafavorandcallEllie.Askhertojoinmeforlunch.”
Renata’sbrowcrinkled.“Ihavenoearthlyideawhothatis.Issheinyourcontacts?”
Itwasn’tlikehernottoknowaname.Evenanewone.
“She’sournewestemployee.ShestartedonMonday.I’vebeenmeaningtoaskhertojoinmeforlunchallweek,but…well,youknow…”
Sherolledhereyes.Renatawastheonlypersonwhocouldgetawaywiththataroundme—andsheknewit.
“You’retoobusyforyourowngood.Yes,Iknow.WhatIdon’tknowiswhoEllieis.TheonlynewemployeewhostartedthisweekisLise.Sheworksonthecreativefloordoingcopywriting.”
Myheadjerkedforward.“Lise?”
“LiseLevy.Isthatwhoyoumean?”
Lise.Hmmm.“Yes.She’sElliot’ssister.ShewasalwaysEllietome.Isupposetimeshavechanged.”
Renatadidn’tmove.Shestaredatme.Iblinkedbackather.
“Yes?”
Shefoldedherarmsacrossherchest.“Youdidn’tmentionMr.Levy’ssisterwasworkinghere.Iwonderwhy.”
Iglaredather.Shedidn’tflinch.“Idon’ttellyoueverything,Renata.”
“Yesyoudo,”shescoffed,wavingmeoff.“I’llgocallMs.Levyforyou,thoughitwouldprobablybeniceifyoudidityourself.”
Inhersixties,Renatahadno-nonsense,short,silverhairandanimpudentregardformyauthority.Tenyearsago,she’dshockedmewithherbluntassessmentsofmeandhowIdidthings.Now,Icountedonhertotellmetheabsolutetruth,evenifitwasablowtomyego.
Iwouldn’tsayshewaslikeamother.Shewasn’twarmandcozyenoughforthat…andwouldprobablystormoutifIeverimpliedit.Renatawastheauntwhocametovisitonceaquarter,pointedouteveryoneofyourflaws,thengaveyouthebuildingblockstomakeyourselfbetter,allwhilecleaningupyourmesses.
Needlesstosay,Iwouldhavebeenlostwithouther.
Shepoppedherheadbackinmyoffice.“Shesaidno.”
“No?”
TherewasafirebehindRenata’ssteelyeyes.“LiseLevysaidnothankyou,she’stoobusytostopforlunch.Iaskediftherewasabettertime,andshesaidshe’llbebusyallday.”
Mybrowdroppedheavyovermyeyes.“What?”
Renata’sthinlipspursed,mostlikelytohidehermerriment.“Idon’tthinkMs.Levywantstohavelunchwithyou.”
Whatthefuck?
Onethingaboutme:whenImadeapromise,Istuckwithit.Elisemayhavebeentoobusytostopworking,butshehadtoeat,andsodidI.
Tenminuteslater,Iarrivedonthecreativefloor,apaperbagofsandwichesspeciallymadeformebythecafeteriainhand.Wanderingthefloorswasn’tuncommonforme,sowhilepeoplelookedupfromtheirdeskstonodorgreetme,nooneduckedforcoverorseemedalarmed.
ThatwashowIlikedit.
Ineverwantedtolosethat.
Elisewassittingatherdesk,headphoneson,typingonherkeyboard.WhenIstoppedinfrontofher,ittookherafewmomentstolookup.Herpinklipspartedwhensherealizedwhowasstandingthere.
Shepushedherheadphonesback.“Weston.”
Iheldupthebag.“Ibroughtlunch.Taketwentyminutestoeatwithme.”
“Um…”Shechewedonherbottomlip.“Okay.Ican—”
“That’sright.Youcan.”
Knowingshehadnochoicebuttofollowme,Istartedforthebreakareaontheoppositesideofthefloor.Everythingwasopenonthislevel.Therewerenowallssurroundingthefourtables,snackbar,andrefrigerator.Onetablewasoccupied,therestfree.Isatatthetableclosesttothewindows,awayfromtheothergroup.
Turningmyhead,IwatchedasElisewovethroughdesks,smilingathercoworkers.IthadbeenalongtimesinceI’dseenherinpersonandsocialmediaonlyshowedsomuch.Shewasthesameyetentirelydifferent.Wordscouldn’tquitecapturethechanges.
Sheslidintotheseatacrossfromme,andItookaquick,cursorysweepofher.Unlikemostpeopleintheoffice,shewasn’twearingAndesclothing.Instead,sheworeblacktrousersandawhitetopwithalittleblacktiearoundtheneck.
Professional.
Allofherwas.Evenhersleek,blackhair.
“Youcutyourhair.”
Herlipspartedagain,andshesmoothedahandovertheends.“Yes.Afewmonthsago.”
“Oh.”Ipushedthepaperbagtohersideofthetable.“Takeyourpick.”
“Um…”Sheopenedthebagandtookthesandwichesoutonebyone.“Thisisalot.”
“Iwasn’tsurewhatyouliked.Inoticedyouwereeatingvegetarianinthecafeteria,soIorderedmeatlessandoneswithmeat.”
Sheselectedasandwichandpushedtheothersbacktomysideofthetable.“I’mnotavegetarian.Thankyouforbeingsothoughtful.”
“Ofcourse.It’snotabigdeal.”
Likealways,Eliseateherpicklespearbeforeshedidanythingelse.Onherlastbite,hermouthpulleddownintoafrown.
Iplacedmineonanapkinandslidittoher.
Herbrowfurrowed.Ishrugged.Shetookthepickle,justlikethehundredothertimeswe’ddonethisdance.
“Howareyousettlingin?”Iasked.
“Reallywell.”Shetookabiteofhersandwich,indicatingthatwastheendofheranswer.
“We’renotkeepingyoutoobusy?”
Swallowing,shewipedhermouthwithhernapkin.“No.IlikewhatI’mdoing.Thoughthere’salotofwork,it’sinteresting.”
“Good.Iwasconcernedsinceyoudidn’thavetimetostopforlunch.”
“Oh.”Hershoulderslowered.“DidElliotaskyoutodothis?”
“Dowhat?”
Sherubbedherlipstogether,hereyesflittingtotheside.“Babysitme?ChecktomakesureI’mnotgoingofftherails?Thatkindofthing.”
“Actually,no,hedidn’t.Butconsideringyouworkhereandhe’smygoodfriend,Ifeelsomewhatresponsibleforensuringyou’redoingwell.”
Eliseraisedherchin.Shehadalwayshadacutechin,withacleftrightinthecenter,likesomeonehadpressedtheirthumbthereandleftaprintbehind.Therewassomethingelegantaboutitnow.Elegantandstubborn.
“I’mdoingwell,whichI’vetoldmybrothermanytimes.Hedidn’thavetosendyoutodouble-check.”
“Itoldyouhedidn’tsendme.Thiswasvoluntary.”Itookasipofwater.“I’mrelievedtoknowyoulikeworkinghere.”
“Ido.”
Weweresostilted.Ithadn’talwaysbeenthisway.Iwasfouryearsolder,sowehadn’tbeenbestfriendsoranything,butupuntilIleftforcollege,Elisehadbeensomethingclosetoalittlesistertome.WhenIcamebackforThanksgivingbreak,she’dbarelyspokentome.She’dshutdownonme,thoughIkeptcaringabouther.
“And…howiseverythingelse?”Iaskedcarefully.
Sheclaspedherhandstogetheronthetable.Hernailswereshortandpaintedbabyblue.She’dalwayskeptthempainted,usuallysomeshadeofblue.Alothadchanged,butsomethingsneverdid.
Lipsrollinginward,herlonglashesbrushedtheapplesofhercheekswhensheloweredhereyelids.“Beingbackhere,forthereasonsIcameback…it’stakingtimetoadjustto.”
Thatwasallshegaveme.
Shutdown.
ShewasremindingmeofElliot.
TheLevyswereexpertsatblockingouttheiremotionswhentheyneededto.
“You’reunhappy.”
Sheraisedhereyestomine.Mostlybrownwithgenerousflecksofgreenandgold.Inthesunlight,theysparkled.Thiswasn’tthefirsttimeI’dnoticedthecaptivatingcolor.IthadjustbeenyearssinceI’dbeencloseenoughtoreallyappreciatethem.
“I’madjustingtobeingsingleafterfouryearsinarelationship.SosometimesI’munhappy,butnotalways.IknowI’llbebettersoon.”
Ididn’tlikethatanswer.“DoesElliotknowthis?”Itcameoutgruff,butthat’showIwasfeeling.
Atinklinglaughburstoutofher.“ThatI’munhappysometimes?”
Inodded.
Shetiltedherhead,andthesuncaughtinherhair,turningitreflective.Almosttooshinytobeanythingbutglass.
“Well,Ihaven’texplicitlytoldmybrotherI’mnotalwayshappy,butsincehewastheonewhohelpedmemoveandknowswhatendedmyrelationship,IthinkhecouldguessI’mnotsunshineanddaisieseveryminuteoftheday.”
Ifoldedmynapkinintoasquareandtosseditonthetable.“Heshoulddosomethingaboutit.”
Anotherlaugh.“It’sgoingtotaketime.ContrarytowhatElliotbelieves,hedoesn’tactuallycontroleveryelementoftheuniverse.Thisissomethingthathastoworkitselfout.”
Thatanswerwasunacceptable,butElisewaslaughing,soIwouldn’targuewithher.Laughterwasalotbetterthantheflatnothingshe’dbeengivingme
“RenatatellsmeyougobyLisenow.”
Again,herpinklipsparted.WasIthatshocking?
“Yes.Mostpeoplecallmethat.Elliotrefusestochange,whichisn’tsurprising,knowinghim.EliseorLiseisfine.”
“NoEllie?”
Hereyesmetmine.Therewassomethingthere,beneaththesurface,butsheblinked,anditwasgonebeforeIcouldcatchit.
“No.Youweretheonlyonewhocalledmethat,youknow.Ihaven’tgonebythatsincehighschool.”
Shepushedbackherchairandgatheredtheremnantsofhersandwich.“Thankyoufortakingthetimeoutofyourdaytocheckonme.YoucantellElliotyoudidyourdutyandI’mfine.”
Istoodtoo,perplexedatthesuddenendingofourlunch.Granted,ithadn’tbeenthemostcomfortabletimeofmylife,butIhadn’tbeenreadyforittoend.
“Itoldyou,Elise,itwasn’tmyduty.Iwantedtohavelunchwithyou.”
Shetuckedherthickhairbehindherear.“Thatwasveryniceofyou,Weston.Iappreciateit.Ihavealottogetdonetoday,soI’lljust—”
Iheldmyarmout.“Ofcourse.”Shepassedme,andIfollowedheroutofthebreakarea.Sheglancedoverhershoulderatme.
“You’recomingwithme?”
“I’mescortingyoutoyourdesk.”
“Oh.”Turningaround,shewobbledonherbootedfeet,rightedherself,andmarchedtherestofthewaytoherdesk.Thensheswiveledaround,hercheeksflushed.“Hereweare.”
“Yes.”Ipickedupherpinkheadphones.“Thesearecute.”
Shetookthemfromme,holdingthemagainsthermiddle.Hershoulderlifted.“Ilikethem.”
“Pink’sstillyourfavoritecolor?”
Herchestroseasshesuckedinabreath.“IguessitissinceIkeepbuyingpinkthings.I’msurprisedyourememberthat.”
“Ihaven’tforgottenathingaboutyouElli—Elise.”
Sheglancedatherdesk.“Well,thankyouforlunch.Ishouldgetbacktowork.”
Ituckedmyhandsinmypockets,rockingbackonmyheels.“Ishouldtoo.Renata’sprobablysecondsawayfromsendingoutasearchparty.”
GivenIwastenminuteslateforameetingandhadbeenignoringRenata’scalls,itwasn’tanexaggeration.
“I’llseeyouaround,Weston.”Elisesatdownatherdesk,herhandgoingtohermousetoturnonhercomputer.“Thanksagain.”
Dismissed.
Justlikethat,Eliseendedourencounter.
IhadathousandthingstodobeforeIwenthomeforthenight.Ishouldhavebeenrelievedourlunchhadbeenbriefandmypromisehadbeenfulfilled.ButasIrodetheelevatoruptomyfloor,Elise’sadmissionofunhappinessclungtomymind.
Problemswerelikepuzzlestome.IhadtosolvethembeforeIcouldrelax.
IfEliseLevywasn’thappy,Iwouldfindawaytomakeherso.ChapterFive
Elise
“Ms.Levy!”
Thefrontdeskclerkofmyapartmentbuilding,Terrence,wavedmeover.“Youhaveadelivery.”
“Oh!Okay.”IstoppedatTerrence’sdeskashedisappearedthroughthedoorbehindhim.
Itwastheendofmyfirstweekofwork.AllIwantedwastogoupstairs,putonyogapants,pouraglassofwine,andhaveadebriefingsessionwithSaoirse.ButIcouldslowmyrollforadelivery,especiallysinceIhadnoideawhatitcouldbe.Surprisesweremyfavorite.
Terrencereappeared,carryingasweetlittlebouquetofpinkflowers.Heplacedthemonthedesktopinfrontofme.
“Hereyouare,Ms.Levy.”
“Ohwow,thesearesopretty.”
Hegrinned.“Theyare.Enjoythem.”
Ipickedupmyflowers,tellinghimtohaveaniceweekend.BythetimeImadeituptomyapartment,IhadcheckedeveryplaceIcouldforacard.Likethepreviousthreeweeks,therewasn’tone.
SaoirsespottedtheflowersrightawaywhenIwalkedin.“Oooh,anotherbouquetfromyoursecretadmirer?”
Iplacedthemonthekitchenislandandlaughed.“I’msureElliothadhisassistantsendthemtomethenforgothetoldhertodoit.It’sa‘welcomebacktoColorado,pleasedon’tjumpoffamountain’gesture.”
Sheswungthespatulashewasusingtocookaroundintheairinfrontofher.“Isn’titmorefuntoimaginethey’refromsomeoneotherthanElliot?”
Ishookmyhead.“I’mnotquitereadytoromanticizemylifeagain.Myfeetarestucktotheground.”
TherewasalsothefactthatIhadn’tbeeninthisstatelongenoughtohaveacquiredanyadmirers,secretornot.AndifIhadone,Iwouldn’tknowwhattodowithhim.TheonlyreasonIwasfunctioninglikeasemi-normalhumaneverydaywasoutofnecessityandspite.Iwouldn’tletmybrokenheartbreaktherestofme.WhenIwasreadytoonedayusemyheartagain,IneededtherestofmetobewholesoIcouldputmyselfbacktogether.
Sheblewoutapuffofair.“Fine.Bepractical.”
Ilaughedonmywayoutofthekitchen,retreatingtomybedroom.Slippingintoyogapantsandapurplehoodie,ImusedtomyselfthatIreallyshouldstopbytheAndescompanystoresoI’dhaveatleastonepieceinmywardrobe.
Icouldhike.Iusedtolovegoingonhikes.MyChicagolifehadbeenaworldapartfromhowI’dgrownup.Patrickwasn’tveryoutdoorsy,soIbecamenotveryoutdoorsytoo.ButIwasgettingbacktome.
AndIneededhikingapparel.
Nextweek,I’dbuysomecutehikinggearfromtheshopandtakemyselfonahike.
IstillhadatleastabottleofwinetodrinkbeforeIthoughtaboutthat.
WewereeatingthedinnerSaoirsehadmade—chickenfajitas,freshguac,homemadetortillas—andIwasonmysecondglassofwineinadditiontotheedibleI’dhadbeforedinner.
“Westonmademeeatlunchwithhimtoday.”
Hereyeswentwide,andshestartedcoughing,herhandsflyinguptocoverhermouth.
“Ohmygod,don’tjustblurtthingsoutlikethatwhenI’mchewing,”sheadmonished.“Giveagirlachancetoswallow.”
Oureyesmet,andbecausewebothhadatwelve-year-oldboyinsideus,wesnickered.
Saoirsewipedhermouth.“Okay,tellmeeverything.”
Ishrugged.“Hisassistantaskedmetojoinhimforlunch,Ipolitelydeclined,sohebroughtlunchtome.”
Shesuckedinasharpbreath.“Youpolitelydeclined.”
“Yes.Iknewitwouldbeawkward,andhewasonlyaskingoutofobligation,soItriedtopasstosaveusboth.But,ofcourse,he’sstubbornandegotistical,justlikeElliot,sohehadtohavehisway.”
“Ormaybehewantedtohavelunchwithyou.”
Ipickedupmywineglass,swirlingtheamberliquidaround.“Idoubtit.Anyway,itwasstrangeanduncomfortable.I’malmostcertainhefeltthesamewaytoo.Hopefullythatwillbethelasttimeweputourselvesthroughthat.”
Sheputdownherloadedtortilla.“Howdidhelook?”
Irolledmyeyes.
Saoirsecackled.“Thatgood,huh?”
Admittingdefeat,Inodded.“He’smorebeautifulthanheeverwas.It’ssick.”
Westonhadtheimmaculatelydressed,artfullyscruffytousled-hairthingdowntoascience.Hewalkedthelineofhigh-poweredCEOandsexyoutdoorsman.Hehadalwaysbeenhandsome.Strikinglyso.Butashe’dgottenolder,hisattractivenesshadbeenhonedtosomethinghardtolookatstraighton.
Saoirsesputtered.“Sick?You’recrazy,Lise.Ifheinsistsonbeinginyourface,enjoytheview.”
“Itoldyou,he’snotgoingtobearound.Hedidhisgooddeed,whichIcanadmitwasveryniceofhim,butI’msureIwon’tseemuchofhimanymore.”
SaoirseandImadethemostoftheweekend.We’dgonetoafarmers’market,loiteredatacoffeeshopforafewhours,thenhitapubwithafewofourcollegefriendsSaturdaynight.Sunday,wedidaneasyhikeandlazedabout.Itwasperfection.
Mondaystartedfilledwithoptimism—untilIgottotheelevatorbankandafamiliarfacewaswaitingthere.
NotWeston.
Worse.
Miles.
Theelevatorcame.Ididn’tmove.Hesteppedon,andwhenheturnedandfacedthedoors,hiseyeslitonme.Withrecognition?Itwashardtotell.Ihadn’tmoved,andsincetherewasnooneelsearound,itwasevenmoreobviousIwasresistingboardingtheelevatorwithhim.
Hegrinnedandbeckonedmewithhishand.“Comeon.Idon’tbite.”
Ohjeez.
Trapped,Igoton.
Thesevenwasalreadylitup.
Ohno.
“Whatfloor?”heasked.
“Um.Seven.”
Heswiveledaround,takingmein.Hisfingerssnapped.“Areyoukiddingme?EllieLevy?”
Iforcedasmile.“Hi,Miles.”
Ibarelygothisnameoutbeforehewashuggingmetight.Myarmsstayedlimpatmysides,buthekeptonhugging.IfIwasn’tmistaken,hewassniffingmyhairtoo.Hisnosewasdefinitelyfirmlyburiedsomewherebehindmyear.
Finally,hepulledback,cuppingmyupperarms.
“Whatintheworldareyoudoingonthiselevatorwithme,EllieLevy?”
MileswasalessrefinedversionofWeston.Stillashandsomeasthedevil,butwhereWestonwaschiseled,Mileswasmoreroughlyhewn.Ifhe’dbeenbornintheeighteen-hundreds,hecouldhaveeasilyslidintotheroleofacowboy,bandanna,fancyhatandall.Thesedays,heremindedmeofanovergrownfratboy,whichheprobablywas.
Myeyesdartedtotheclimbingnumbers.“It’sEliseorLise,please.AndIworkherenow.Onseven.”
Hishandssqueezedmyarms.“Whatthehell?DoesWestieknowaboutthis?”
Ibreathedoutalaugh.“Ofcoursehedoes.”
Milesletgoofoneofmyarmstosmackhisforeheadbutquicklyreturnedtoholdmeagain.“WhatamIevensaying?Westieknowsall.Hejustforgottomentiononeofmybestgirlswasgoingtobeworkingonthesamefloorasme.Thattroublemaker.HeprobablywantedmetoreturnfromParistoasurprise.”
Theelevatordoorsslidopen.Milesslippedhisarmaroundmyshoulders,pullingmeoutwithhim.Ifhehadn’t,Iprobablywouldhavestayedallday,ridingupanddownbetweenthefloorsaimlessly.
“WhatbroughtyoubacktoColorado,Ellie?”
“It’sEliseorLise,”Iansweredrotely.
“Oh,right.Sorry.It’lltakemesometimetogetthatthroughmythickskull.”
Mymouthquivered.“Pleasetry.”
“Iwill.Scout’shonor.Now,answerthequestion.Tellmeeverythingthat’shappenedtoyousincehighschool.”
Whenwenearedmydesk,Imanagedtoduckunderhisarmandspinawayfromhim,puttingthedeskbetweenus.Hisjawdropped.IsupposedIhadmovedquickly.
“Thisisme.”Icurledmyfingersaroundtheedgeofthedesk.“Ihavealottodo,so…”
Hisdark-blondbrowwinged.“Unfortunatelyforbothofus,mydeskisallthewayacrossthespace.”Hewaggedafingeratme.“Don’tthinkIdidn’tnoticeyoudodgingmyquestions,Elise.”
Hiseyesroundedonmyname,makingsureInoticedhe’dgottenitrightthattime.
Suckinginabreath,Idecidedtoanswerhimnowratherthanrevisitthisconversationlater.Hopefully,he’dmoveontosomeonemoreinteresting.
“ImovedbacktobeclosertoElliot.Plus,myjobinChicagowasn’twhatIwantedtobedoing.So,hereIam.Thereisn’tmuchtotellaboutmypost–highschoolyears,honestly.College,work,thatkindofthing.Probablythesameasyou.”
Hewinkedatme.“Ihaveafeelingyou’reholdingoutonme.Let’shavelunchandcatchup.”
WhatwasitwiththeseAldrichmenandinsistingonhavinglunchwithme?Jeez.
“Actually,Ihaveplans.We’llcatchupanothertime.”
Heshoveledhisfingersthroughhisovergrownhair.“I’mholdingyoutothat,Lisie.”Hecockedhishead.“Actually,IlikeLisiebetterthanEllie.It’sgoingtostick.Ifeelit.”
Mileswanderedawaywithoutagoodbye,andIcollapsedintomychair.SomuchformyMondaymorningoptimism.WorkingwithoneAldrichbrotherhadbeentrying.Two?Iwasn’tcertainitwasgoingtobepossible.ChapterSix
Elise
AfteroneweekatAndes,mylunchdateswithRebeccaandSimonhadbecomeanunspokengiven.I’dslottedinwiththemeasily.Theyweregossipsbutnotmalicious,whichmadethemfuntobearound.
Myphonevibratedaswewerefinishingup.Ichecked,findingatextfromLani.
PatrickcaughtmeasIwaswalkingintothebuildingthismorning.Helooksterrible.IlaughedinhisfacethentoldhimIhadnoideawhoElisewas,neverheardofher,andheshouldprobablyseekhelp.DidIdogood?
Tearssprungtomyeyes,andIquicklyblinkedthemback.Ididn’tevenknowwhattheywereabout.Obviously,Iwasn’toverthewaymyrelationshiphadended.DidIcarethatPatricklookedterrible?Alittle.Butthespitefulmonsterthatapparentlylivedinsidemeenjoyedmybrotherandfriendsstonewallinghimsocompletely.
Itextedherback.
Youdidamazing,friend.Thankyouforhavingmyback,asalways.
IpushedthoughtsofChicagoasideaswerodetheelevatorbackuptoseven.SimonandIsplitofffromRebecca,leavingheratreception.Nearingmydesk,IalmosttrippedovermyfeetatthesightofWestonAldrichworkingatthelongcollaborationtablenearby.
“Ohyeah,helikestoworkonallthefloors,”Simonmurmured.“He’samanofthepeople,youknow?”
Isnorted.Simonwassarcasticbutnotderisive.FromwhatI’dgatheredoverthepastweek,Westonwasgenerallyliked,butmorethanthat,hewaswellrespected.IsuspectedSimonmighthaveatinycrush,butthatwasunderstandable.
“Really?”Iwhispered.
“Ithinkthat’sthevibehe’sgoingfor.Itkeepsusonourtoes,that’sforsure.”
Westonliftedhiseyesfromhisscreen,catchingmestaring.Hislipscurvedatthecorners,andhenodded.Ibarelymanagedtonodback,buthecontinuedtowatchmewalktomydesk.
HewasinmyperipherywhenIsatdown.Mystomachplummeted.HowwasIgoingtodomyworkwithhimrightthere?
ThenexttimeIglancedhisway,hisattentionwasbacktohiscomputer.
Ishiftedthefewpapersonmyworksurfacearoundandsomethingyellowcaughtmyeye.APost-ithadbeenstuckbetweentwoprintouts.Browpinching,Ireadtheneatlyprintedwords:
Whenelephantsarestressedorhavinghardtimes,theyhugandcomfortoneanotherbyputtingtheirtrunksineachother’smouths.
Miles.
ThishadtobefromMiles.
Hissenseofhumorobviouslyhadn’tmaturedsincehighschool.
ItuckedthePost-itinoneofmydrawers,ignoringtheswirlofnauseainmystomachandknotofhurtinmychest.ThefouryearsMilesspentteasingandbullyingmeduringschool,I’dlearnedifIignoredhim,he’dmoveon.Forawhile,atleast.Areactionwasexactlywhathewanted,andhewouldn’tbegettingthatfromme.
MyguardwasdownwhenIarrivedatmydeskonTuesday.
Stupid.
IshouldhaveknownbetterwhenMileswasinvolved.
Babyelephantssucktheirtrunkslikebabyhumanssucktheirthumbs.Whentheygetmad,theythrowtantrums.
Ituckedthatoneontopoftheotherone.Wavesweren’tmything,butI’dcomefromanofficewheremakingwavesmeantdrowningunderthem.IcouldsafelytakethesePost-itstoHRhere,surely,butthenwhat?MileswasWeston’sbrother.Hewasn’tgoingtobefired,probablynotevenreprimanded.NotthatIwantedhimfired.IsimplywantedhimtoforgetIexisted.
Isuckedupmyanger.TherewasnothingIcoulddotoday,andtherewastoomuchworktobedonetospendtimethinkingaboutMilesAldrichandhisimmatureantics.
Afterlunch,Iwenttomyfirstcreativedepartmentmeeting.Westonattended,buthedidn’tlead.Hesatonthesideoftheroom,histabletinhislap,seeminglytakingnotesastheheadsofeachteamspoke.
Andesputoutaquarterlycatalogthatwasmorelikeamagazine.Inanagewheremostthingshadgonedigital,theAndescatalogwassomethingconsumersregularlyrequestedtohavesenttotheminthemail.Notonlywerethephotographsbeautiful,theshortarticlesneverfailedtobeinteresting.Iwasguiltyofbeingoneofthehundredsofthousandsofpeoplewhoreaditcovertocover.
Whenmyeditor,Salma,spokeaboutthetopicsofthearticlesplannedforthenextedition,Westoninterruptedherwithawaveofhishand.
“I’llbevisitingsomeofourfactoriesinCaliforniainafewweeks.Let’sdoawrite-upofthat.Youchoosetheangle.”Hescribbledonhistabletlikenowthathe’dspoken,itwasadonedeal.
Salma’sbrowdropped.“That’sagreatidea,Weston.Thethingis,it’sbeendecidedformonthswe’refocusingonlifestyle.”
Hecockedhishead.“Iunderstand.AsIsaid,youchoosetheangle.”
Heputaperiodattheendofhissentencethatwassofirmitwasalmostaudible.Salma,awomaninherfortieswhocarriedanairofhavinghershittogether,seemedflusteredbyWeston’sabruptdemand.Hewasn’tcruelaboutit,buthewasn’tleavingthistopicopenfordiscussion.
Salma’sfingersworkedthescreenofhertabletupanddown,upanddown.“Idon’tseehowwecanfitinastoryaboutafactory—”
Iclearedmythroat,crossingmyfingersmyinterruptionwouldbeappreciated.“WhatifweinterviewfactoryworkerswhowearAndesontheiroffdays?Theaudiencemightbeinterestedinhowthepeoplewhomaketheircoatsandhikinggearusethoseproductsintheireverydaylife.”
Weston’sexpressionstartedoutannoyedwithSalma’sreticence,butasIspoke,heslowlyslippedintoahalfsmile.Salmawasn’tshootingdeathglaresatmelikeDickthedickwouldhavebeen.Shewasnodding,glancingfromWestonandbacktome.
“Actually,thatwouldbefresh.”Shetappedherstylusonherchin.“Whydon’tyoutakethat,Elise?”
Fromacrosstheroom,Milesstartedaslowclap.Helookedaround,butnoonejoinedhim,whichdidn’tseemtoaffecthiminanyway.
“Nicejob,Lisie.”
Westongavehisbrotherasharplook.Milesgrinnedathim,unfazed,butatleasthestoppedclapping.
“You’lltravelwithmetoCalifornia,”Westonclippedatme.“Renatawillsendyouthedetails.”
Mylungssqueezedinmychest.WhenIspokeup,Ihadn’timaginedI’dbegiventheassignment.I’donlyjuststartedhere,andnowI’dbetraveling?
Thatwas…
BetterthanIcouldhaveexpected.
AllthemorereasontoignorethePost-its.
Excepttheyweren’tsoeasytoignore.WednesdayandThursdayweremoreofthesame.SeeminglyharmlessfactsaboutelephantsscrawledonyellowPost-its.
Fifteenyearsago,theselittlenoteswouldhavemademesmile.
Now,theybroughtbackreallycrappymemories.
IspilledeverythingtoSimonandRebeccaatlunchonFriday.
“CanItellyouguyssomething?”Iasked.
Theystoppedeating,theirattentionimmediatelyrapt.
Simonswiveledhiswrist.“Pleasedo.”
Isuckedinabreath.“Ithastoremainbetweenus,though.”
Rebeccamimedzippingherlips.“AslongasIcantellSam,I’mavault.”
Thatmademelaughalittle.“Spousalprivilege.I’llacceptthat.”
Simonliftedhisshouldersandheldhishandsout.“TheonlypeopleIgossipwithareyoutwo.I’mnotgoingtotellanyone.Youcantrustme,Lise.”
Iwantedtobeabletotrustthesetwo.MyconfidencehadbeenshakenbyPatrickandhisbuddies,whoIhadconsideredmyfriendsaswell,butIwouldn’tallowwhatthey’ddonetokeepmefromformingbondswithotherpeople.SimonandRebeccastruckmeasstraightforwardandnobullshit.TheyweremyalliesatAndes,andrightnow,Ineededthem.
“MilesAldrichandIwenttoschooltogether.Weweren’tfriends,butwewereinthesamegrade,soI’veknownhimforever.Hewasalwaysjust…there.Ineverpaidattentiontohim.Butthenwegottohighschoolandeverythingchanged.Heteasedandtauntedmeandriledtheotherkidsuptojoinin.”
RebeccaandSimon’sexpressionshadgonefrominterestedtohorrified.
“Thatlittletwerp,”Rebeccagroundout.“Hebulliedyou?”
Iliftedashoulder.“Idon’tknowifI’dcallitthat.Hestartedsomethinganditgrewlikeawildfire.”Tuckingmyhairbehindmyear,Iswalloweddownthelumpinmythroat.“WhenIwaslittle,Iwaskindofobsessedwithelephants.Somuch,WestonusedtocallmeEllie.Iloveditbackthenbecauseitwasspecialbetweenus,youknow?ButIguesshetoldMilesaboutit,andwhenhestartedcallingmeEllietheElephantinhighschool…well,itwasn’tsocute.”
Thickthighsandbigbuttshadn’tbeeninstylebackthen—there’dbeennochanceofescapingschoolwithoutbeingteased.HavingitcomefromWeston’sbrotherwhileusinghisspecialnameformehadbeenauniquekindofbetrayalthathadknockedmetomyknees.
Simon’sexpressionturnedthunderous.“Whatanidiot.Assomeonewhowasrelentlesslybulliedinschool,I’mtakingthisreallypersonally,Lise.I’dgohomicidalifIhadtoworkwithanyofthoseguys.Idon’tknowhowyou’redoingit.”
“Ididn’tknowheworkedherewhenIacceptedthejob.”
Rebeccawinced.“Yeah,Icanseehowthatmighthaveaffectedyourdecision.”
“Iwouldn’thavetakenit.”Irubbedmylipstogether.“Ihaven’tbeenthinkingabouthimalltheseyears,youknow?AndwhenIrealizedwe’dbecoworkerswhenwesharedanelevatoronMonday,Iwaspreparedtosuckitup.It’sbeeneightyearssincehighschool.I’vematuredandmovedon.Iwashopinghehadtoo.But…”
Simonangledforward,hiseyesnarrowedintoslits.“Whatdidhedo?”
Iblewoutaslowbreath.Iabsolutelyhatedthis.“Allweek,someonehasbeenleavingPost-itswithelephantfactsonmydesk.They’reanonymous,butithastobeMiles.Itreallycouldn’tbeanyoneelse.”
RebeccaandSimonexchangedangrylookswitheachother.Simonfistedhisknife.Rebecca’scutefacewasglowingred.
“Thatasshole.YoushouldtellWeston,”Rebeccasaid.
Simonnodded.“Putthatlittleshiteonblast.Noonedeservestobeharassedatwork—andthat’swhatthatis.”
Icuppedmyforehead,lookingupatthemfromundermylashes.“Idon’twanthimtobefired,Ijustwanthimtoleavemealone.AndifIdon’treact,maybehewill.Heeventuallystoppedinhighschool,somaybe…”
“Igetthat.”Rebeccareachedacrossthetabletosqueezemyforearm.“Thesituationhasallkindsoflayersthatmakeitcomplicated.Thebottomlineis:youshouldbesafeandcomfortableatwork.IfMilesisn’tcapableofallowingyouthat,hisstupidassneedstogettheboot.”
Simonnodded.“I’llbackyouup,whateveryoudecidetodo.IfyouwantmetogowithyoutotalktoHR,I’mthere.”
“Metoo,”chimedRebecca.
Feelingtentimeslighter,IgraspedsomeoftheoptimismI’dstartedtheweekwith.ButthemomentIarrivedbackatmydeskandspottedthesmallyellowsquarestucktothefrontofmydrawer,allofitevaporated.
Done.
Iwasdone.
Thiswasnothowprofessionalsbehaved.
Iwasn’tgoingtotattleonMiles.Weweregoingtohavealong-overdueconversation.
Yankingopenthedrawer,IpluckedouttheotherPost-itsandstrodetoMiles’sdesk,thestackclutchedinmyhand.WhenIapproached,hisbrowslifted.
“Hey,Lisie.”Hisgrinfalteredatmyexpression.“What’sup?”
IwavedthePost-its.“Canwespeakinprivate,please?”
I’dlethimgetawaywiththisbehaviorinschool.NeveroncehadIconfrontedhim,fearingI’donlyaddfueltohisinexplicablefire.ButIwasanadult.Lettingthingslikethisslidewasn’tsomethingIcoulddo.
“Uh”—hepushedbackfromhisdesk,risingtohisfeet—“sure.Therearen’talotofplacesthatareprivatearoundhere.”
Inoddedtowardthestairwell.“Therewilldo.Thiswon’ttakelong.”
“Oh.Okay.”Heseemedperplexed,butheshouldn’thavebeen.Hewasbeingadeliberateassholetome.Heshouldhaveexpectedtobeconfronted.
Whenwewerebothonthestairwelllanding,thedoorfirmlyshutbehindus,IheldupthestackofPost-its.
“ThisstopsnoworI’mgoingtoHR.”
AnytraceofhumorslippedfromMiles’sexpression.Heheldhishandsup,palmsout.“Whoa,whoa.What’sgoingon?”
“Don’t,Miles.Webothknowwhatyou’vebeendoing.It’sinsultingforyoutoplaydumb.”
Hescratchedthesideofhishead.“I’mnotplayingdumb,Elise.Inthiscase,I’mactuallydumb.Ihavenoideawhatyou’retalkingabout.”
Istaredhardathim.“EllietheElephant.”ThenIpickeduphishandandslappedthenotesonhispalm.
Hefrowned,lookingfrommetothePost-its,readingtheelephantfactsonebyone.Whenhefinished,hehandedthembacktome.
“Icanseewhyyouwouldthinkthesearefromme,butthey’renot.”
Myfingerscurledaroundtheslipsofpaper.“Idon’tbelieveyou,Miles,butwhetheryouadmititdoesn’tmatter.I’maskingyoutostopsoIdon’thavetoescalatethis.Thisisn’thighschool.Iwon’tputupwiththistreatment.”
Hereachedformethenseemedtothinkbetterofitatthelastmomentanddroppedhishand.
“Elise,comeon.Ibarelyevenrememberthewholeelephantthingfromwhenwewerekids.DoyouhonestlythinkI’mgoingtobelookingupelephantfactsto…what?Tormentyou?I’mhappyyou’rehere.Ihavenoreasontotormentyou.”
Iblinkedathim,guttedbyhisdismalrecollectionofsomeoftheworstyearsofmylife.Hewasn’texactlyshrugginghisshoulders,butitfeltthatway.“Youdon’trememberwhatyoudidtome?”
Hecockedhishead,studyingmyface.“Well,I’mnotgoingtodenyIwasanidiotbackthen.Ididanythingforalaughandprobablyhurtyourfeelings.Forthat,I’msorry.”
Probably?Thiswasn’ttheconfrontationI’ddreamedaboutasateen.ButitwasMiles.Ishouldhavepredictedhewouldn’tdropdownandbegforforgiveness.
“Miles,youcomeon.Youdidalotmorethanhurtmyfeelings.Youcanatleastacknowledgeyouspentfouryearswithaveryspecificagenda.Youwantedmeasuncomfortableaspossible.Andyousucceeded.”
Hisbrowfurrowed,andhecuppedthebackofhisneck,seeminggenuinelyworried.“ItoldyouI’msorry.Ican’ttakeitback.WhatelsecanIdo?”
“Stopleavingnotesonmydesk!”
Hethrewhisarmsout.“I’mnot!Iswearonmydick,they’renotfromme.Youwanttofingerprintme?Doahandwritinganalysis?Gameon,Lisie.I’minnocent.”
Isputtered.“You’renotinnocent.”
Hisarmsfellheavilytohissides.Contritionweigheddownhisfeatures.“No,Iwasabadguytoyoualongtimeago,andnowIseeIdidmoredamagethanIevercaredtoacknowledge.Lisie,forthat,Iswear,fromthebottomofmyheart,I’msorry,butIdidn’tleavethosenotes.”
“Well…”
Iwasstumped.Ibelievedhe’dlockedawaythethingshe’ddonetometokeeptheweightofremorseawayalltheseyears.
So,Ihadachoicetomake.I’dgottenmyapologyfromMiles.Itwasn’ttheprettypackageofsoul-deepregretandpleasforforgivenessI’dwantedbackthen,butitwassomething.ProbablyasgoodasI’dgetfromMiles.
“Look,Iknowit’sreallycrappytohear,butuntilyoujustbroughtitup,Ihadcompletelyforgottenabouttheelephantthing.WhenIseeyou,Iseemyoldclassmate,Elise,whoturnedintoaprettywomanInowworkwith.Ihavenoreasonordesiretohurtyou.It’seasyformetosayIletallthatstuffgoalongtimeago,butit’strue.”
Therewasnoguilebehindhispleadingeyes.Mileswasn’ttryingtoprettyupourpastorsellmeliesaboutlivingwithregretforyears.He’ddonesomethingbadtomeandmovedonfromit.
Ithurt.
Butitwasbelievable.
MygrudgeagainstMilesAldrichwassolongheld,itwouldbedifficulttoletitgo.ButmaybeIcould.
“Lisie.”Milescameforme,movinginslowmotionsoIcoulddodgehimifIwantedto,butIdidn’tmoveaway.Hewrappedmeupinahug,andafteramoment,Ihuggedhimback.“I’mreallysorryIhurtyou,”hemurmured.
Inmymind,Iwasstompingandyelling,demandingtoknowwhyhetreatedmethatway,scratchingandclawingsohewouldfeelthesamepainhe’dinflictedonme.
Butwherewouldthatgetus?
MilesAldrichwasstandinghere,huggingme,earnestlyapologizing,andIbelievedhimtobesincere.
“Iforgiveyou,”Iwhispered,anditwasarelieftomeanthat.
Heliftedhisheadandpulledbackslightly.“Yeah?”Hisgreeneyeswerealightwithmischief.“Forreal?Didwejustbecomebestfriends?”
Withabreathylaugh,Ishovedhimawayfromme.“Don’tpushit.”
“Fine,fine.Oneday,youandme,Lisie,we’regoingtobebesties.”Hepattedhischest.“I’llearnit,though.”
Heopenedthestairwelldoorforme,allowingmetowalkaheadofhim,thenstoppedmebygrabbingmywrist.
“Doyouwantmetofindoutwho’sbeenleavingthenotes?”heaskedquietly.
“Um…”Iglancedaround,butnoonewaspayingattentiontous.NooneexceptWeston.Standingbesidethecollaborationtableontheothersideoftheroom,hewatchedusthroughnarrowedeyes.“No.IthinkIknowwholeftthemsinceyoudidn’t.Idon’tknowwhybut—”
Hegrimaced.“Westie,huh?”
Inodded.“Itkindofhastobehim.”
Herubbedhisscruffyjawwithtwofingers.“Westiewouldn’tdoanythingtohurtyourfeelings.Idon’tknowwhythehellhe’dbeleavingyouelephantfacts,butIguaranteehisintentionsaren’tmalicious.”
“Idon’tknow.”Ishrugged,suddenlywishingitwastheendoftheday.Therewerestillhourstogo.“Look,Ihavealottodo—”
“Yeah.Metoo.I’mgladweclearedtheair,though.”
Itippedmychin.“Iamtoo.”
WestonhadtakenaseatbutwasstillwatchingasIstrodebacktomydesk.Sittingdown,Iopenedupmyemail,composinganewone.
To:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
From:eliselevy@andesinc.com
DearMr.Aldrich,
Pleaserefrainfromleavinganymoreelephantfactsonmydeskfromnowon.
Sincerely,
EliseLevyChapterSeven
Weston
Myfingershoveredoverthekeyboard.
Ishouldn’thavebeenonseven.
Myto-dolistforthedaywaslongerthanmyarm.
I’drescheduledacall.
Renatawasgoingtomurdermesoon.
I’dwantedtoseeherreaction.Ifthenotehadmadehersmile.Instead,IwitnessedwhatlookedtobeaspecialmomentbetweenherandMilesthenreceivedaterseemail.
Iwroteback.
To:eliselevy@andesinc.com
From:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
DearMs.Levy,
PleaserefrainfromcallingmeMr.Aldrich.That’smyfather.
Doyouhateelephantsnow?
Curiously,
Weston
Itdidn’ttakelongformetoreceiveareply.
To:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
From:eliselevy@andesinc.com
DearMr.Aldrich,
Idon’thateelephants.Onlyasociopathwouldhatethem.I’dsimplyrathernotreceivePost-itswithfactsonthemanymore.Isn’tthatawasteofcompanyresources?
Indifferently,
Elise
Igrowledtomyself.Elisewasfifteenfeetfromme,typingawayonhercomputerlikeIwasn’tintheroom.She’dspentyearsignoringmyexistencefromafar,butupclosewashardertodealwith.
To:eliselevy@andesinc.com
From:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
DearMs.Levy,
IsitthePost-itsthatoffendyouortheelephantfacts?
PleasenoteIrequestedyounotaddressmeasMr.Aldrich.I’mneitherastrangernoroldenoughforittoberequired.
Thoughtfully,
Weston
Shestoppedtypingandusedhermousetoclickonmyemail.Itonlytookasecondforherlipstopurseandherforeheadtocrinkle.Thenshestartedtypingagain,andathrillshotupmyspine,anticipatingwhatshewouldsendnext.
To:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
From:eliselevy@andesinc.com
DearBoss,
TheonlythingI’moffendedbyarethetreesbeingchoppeddowntomakethePost-itsyouwasted.
Doyourinvestorsknowallthetimeyouspendgooglingelephants?
Ihavealotofworktofinish.Ifthat’sall…
Busily,
Elise
Itappedoutmyreply,vowingitwasthelastone.Ihadtoretreattomyofficetogetactualworkdone.Therewasnochanceitwouldbehappeninghere,wheredistractionsabounded.
To:eliselevy@andesinc.com
From:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
DearElise,
Pleasenotemyobjectiontobeingaddressedsimplyas“Boss.”Youcouldbeaddressinganyone,asitisnotspecifictome.
You’llbepleasedtoknowallthepaperusedatAndes,Inc.is100%recycled.NotreeswereharmedinthewritingofsaidPost-its.
Environmentally,
Weston
Elisecontinuedtypingforseveralminutes.Theentiretime,myeyesflickedfromhertomyscreen.Inearlygaveupandretreatedtomyofficewhenmyemailnotificationlitup.
Iclickedonhermessage.
To:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
From:eliselevy@andesinc.com
DearGrumpyBoss,
Isthatbetter?AnyonereadingthiswouldknowIwasaddressingyou.
Iamextremelyrelievedforthetrees.Still,thePost-itsareunnecessary.Ages10-13,IspentstudyingelephantsandhaveretainedeverythingIlearned.
Expertly,
Elise
Ibitmyliptoholdbackalaugh.GrumpyBoss.Onlyher.ShetoldmeonceIwasElliot’sgrumpiestfriend.Ithadn’tseemedlikeaninsult,merelyanobservation.
To:eliselevy@andesinc.com
From:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
DearElise,
I’llinformhumanresourcesofthechangeinmyname.Itmaycausesomeconfusion,butintheend,cuttingtothechasewillbemuchmoreefficient.
Onadifferentnote,whatdidyouhavetodiscusswithmybrotherinthestairwell?
Notably,
Weston
To:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
From:eliselevy@andesinc.com
DearGrumpyBoss,
CanyoualsoreporttoHRthatmybossisprohibitingmefromgettingmyworkdone?Ifyousendyournamechangeandmycomplaintinoneemail,yourefficiencylevelwillriseexponentially.
ThatisbetweenMiles,thestairwell,andme.
Haveagoodday.
Conclusively,
Elise
ThoughElisewasdonewiththisinteraction,Istillwantedananswer.IstartedtoformulateareplywhenRenatasentmeamessagethroughtheinternalsystem.
Youhaveacallinfiveminutes.Ifyou’renotupheretotakeit,I’mofficiallytakingoveryourposition.I’llhaveyouknow,I’vealwaysthoughtAndesshouldstartusingmorepolyester.Likeleisuresuits.ThatwillbemyfirstdecisionasCEO.Discowear.
Igrimacedatherthreatandshutdownmylaptop.I’dplayedaroundenough.Iwasresponsiblefortoomanylivelihoodstoloiterontheseventhfloor,waitingforaglimpseofasmilefromagirlwhocouldbarelydeigntoacknowledgeme.
ItwassixonaFriday.Mostofthestaffhadleftfortheweekend.Iwassittingatmydesk,catchinguponworkI’dneglectedthepasttwoweeks.
Distracted.
Thatdidn’thappenoften.
Infact,mysingle-mindednesshadendedseveralofmyrelationships,includingonewithawomanIhadalmostgottenengagedto.WomenhadtoldmeevenwhenIwaswiththem,Iwasatwork.Myfocuswouldstray.Thetruthwas,whenitcamedowntoit,Andeshadalwaysbeenmoreimportanttome.Theyhadbeenrighttoleaveme.
Yet,hereIsat,mountainsofresponsibilities,andIwasn’tevenattemptingtotakeanyofiton.WhileIshouldhavebeenreturningcallsandgoingoveracostanalysisreport,Iwaswatchingarecordingofthesecurityfeedoftheseventh-floorstairwell.
Nosound.
IcouldonlyimaginewhatEliseandMilesweresayingtoeachother.Intense.Emotional.Mileslookedseriousforonceinhislife.Elisepassionate.
I’dwatcheditseveraltimes,anditalwaysendedthesame:himhuggingher,hermeltingintohimandhugginghimback.
Therewasnopossiblewaytheywereacouple.
Butwhynot?Theywerethesameage.Elisewasbeautiful.Miles…well,hehadhischarmswhichseemedtolandhimwomenbythedroves.Whywouldn’ttheybeinterestedineachother?
Disgustedatmyself,Ihitthekeyboard.
Therecordingstartedover.
Iwatcheditagain.ChapterEight
Elise
Elliotwasgoingtomurderme.Hehatedwhenanyoneranlate.Fortunately,mybrotherlovedmeandwouldforgiveme…afterheevisceratedme.ItwastheevisceratingpartIwantedtoskip.
Brunchwasn’tsupposedtobestressful.
ButwhenIarrivedattherestaurant,Elliotwasn’talone,nordidhelookangry.Hewaslaughingatsomethinghisfriend,LucaRossi,said.Iapproachedthetable,tentativelysmiling,andtheybothrose.Elliotgavemeaquickhugandakissonthecheek.Lucagrabbedmeinhisarms,dippedmebackinapurelydramaticfashion,thenpulledmeuptokissmyforehead.
“Bellissima!”Hesmoothedhispalmdownthecrownofmyhead,beamingatme.“It’sbeentoolong.I’moffendedyou’vebeenbackinDenverforweeksandthisisthefirstI’mseeingyou.IhadtobegElliottoletmecomealongtoday.”
LucaRossiwasone-hundred-percentbullshit.Buthewascharmingandmademelaugh,soIlethimgetawaywithit.
Thatwasathingforhim:womenlettinghiscaddishbehaviorslide.Alongwiththecharm,hewasdevastatinglyhandsome,hisItalianrootscomingoutinhissleek,ebonyhair,goldencomplexion,andintensebrowneyes.Addinhisheightandgym-refinedbody,andLucamadepantiesdropwhereverhewent.
Itwasimpossiblenottoflirtwithhim.FromthemomenthecamehomewithElliotonabreakfromStanford,we’dfallenintoateasingkindoffriendship.Webothknewitwasharmless,butitdroveElliotmad.
Allthemorereasontodoit.
“AndI’moffendedI’vebeenbackforweeksandyouhaven’tevencalledme,”IshotbackasItookmyseat.
Lucagrabbedmyhand,rubbedhisthumbovermyknuckles,andgavemepuppy-dogeyes.
“Iwouldhave,mysweetElise,ifyourselfishbrotherhadgivenmeyournewphonenumber.HeactuallytoldmeifIwantedit,I’dhavetodotheworktofinditmyself.Canyoubelievethat?”
Elliotrolledhiseyes.“Getyourhandoffmysister.”
Withasmirk,Lucaliftedmyhandtohismouth,givingitanover-the-top,noisykiss.
“Elise,tellElliottostopinterferingwithourrelationship,”Lucapleaded.
IliftedLuca’shandtomymouthandgavehimthesamekindofkiss.“Elliot,stopinterfering.Don’tyouwantLucaasabrother-in-law?”
Elliot’supperlipcurledindisgust.“Whywouldyouevenjokeaboutthat?NowI’velostmyappetite.”
Thefourthchairatthetablewassuddenlypulledout,andWestonAldrichfoldedhimselfintotheseat.
“Sorry.”Heplacedhisphonefacedownonthetableandturnedhisheadtogreetme.“Hello,Elise.”
“Oh.Hi.Ididn’tknowyouwouldbehere.”
Deargod,mycheekswereonfire.Iletmyhairfallforward,hopefulitwouldcoverupsomeofmyembarrassment.I’dbeensobrazenyesterday,emailinghimallsortsofsnarkyremarks.Ithadbeeneasyfrombehindascreen.Facinghimagainwasawholeotherballgame.IfI’dknown,Imighthavechangedoutofmyhikinggear.Theleggingsandlong-sleeveT-shirtweren’texactlymybestlook.
Elliotclearedhisthroat.“Neitherofthemwasinvited.Atthegymthismorning,ImentionedIwouldbehavingaquietbrunchwithmysisterandtheyglommedon.”
Lucaliftedhisglass.“Ineverturndownbottomlessmimosas.”
Westonopenedhishands.“Icouldn’tbeleftout,couldI?Iwouldhavebeenutterlygrumpy.”
Dear.Freaking.God.
Why?
IfithadbeenpossibletodousemyselfinwaterandmeltintoapuddleliketheWickedWitchoftheWest,Iwouldhave.Weston,Elliot,andLucawouldhavebeenleftgawkingatthepileofclothingandgelatinousgooinmychair,butIwouldhavebeendearlydeparted,awayfromthisawfulmoment.
Lucaguffawed.“Likeyou’renotalwaysgrumpy.”Hegrabbedmyhandagain.“Anyway,youinterruptedourdiscussion.Elliotobjectstotakingmeonasabrother-in-law.Canyoubelievethatshit?I’moffended.”
Westoncockedhishead.“Wouldn’tyouhavetowinEliseoverfirst?Actually,youmightwanttostopsleepingwithanywomanwho’ssentientbeforeyoudothat.AnSTItestwouldbeagoodnextstep.Idon’tknow,itseemslikeyou’reputtingthecartwellbeforethehorse.”
TherewassomethingharshinWeston’stoneandmockinginhissmirk.InalltheyearsI’dknownhim,orwatchedhimfromadistance,I’dneverseenhimwithanexpressionlikethat,muchlessdirectedathisgoodfriend.
Lucakeptmyhandinhis,buthishumorfellaway.“That’salowblow,West.Whatcrawledupyourass?”
IglaredatWeston.Hissmirkhadfallenflat.“Thatwasunnecessary,”Iadmonished.
Hiseyeslandedonme.“It’sunnecessaryforLucatoshamelesslyflirtwithyouwhenitobviouslymakesElliotuncomfortable.”
Elliotliftedhiscoffeetohismouth.“Speakforyourself,West.AlthoughtheideaofmysistersuccumbingtoLuca’sflagrantadvancesisrepellant,Idohaveasenseofhumor.They’vebeenplayingatthissamejokeforyears.I’mnotworriedaboutmyfriendsgoingaftermysister.Weallknowshe’sano-gozone.”
Irolledmyeyes.“Ididn’trealizeIwasazone.IwasunderthesillyimpressionIwasawomanwhocouldmakemyowndecisions.”
Elliotputhiscupdown,hismovementscasualandeasy.“Youcan.ItrustthatyoufindtheideaofsuccumbingtoLucaasrepellantasIdo.”
Isnorted,goadinghimalittlemore.“Idon’tknow…”IliftedLuca’shandtomycheek,pressingitthere,“Luca’slookingawfullygoodtoday,andI’msinglenow.Itmightbeourtime.”
Lucashotmeawink.“Isit?Jesus,Elise.Giveaguysomewarning.Ihaven’thadthechancetohaveafull-bodywax.”HegesturedtohisT-shirtandjeans.“I’mbasicallyahumansweaterundermyclothes.”
Ibitmybottomlipandletmylashesflutter.“Oh,keeptalking,youfilthy,fuzzybear.”
Ourwaitressstoppedatourtable,takingourorders,andIclimbedaboardthebottomlessmimosatrainwithLuca.BasedonWeston’spermanentscowl,Iwasgoingtoneedtodrinktogetthroughthisbrunchwithoutsnappingathim.
Mustnottellgrumpybosshe’sadick.
Elliotleanedforward,hiselbowsonthetable.“Don’tthinkIdidn’tnoticeyouwerelate.Whatwereyoudoingthismorning?”
“SaoirseandIweresupposedtogoonasunrisehikethismorning,butshewastoohungovertogetoutofbed.”
Westonletoutalowgrowl.“Youwentoutalonebeforesunrise?”
“No.”Ishookmyhead.“I’mlatebecauseIwaiteduntilitwasdaylighttogoonthehikeandmisjudgedhowlongitwouldtaketogethere.Andhonestly,Elliot,Iwastenminuteslate.Isthatreallyacrime?”
IfI’dtoldthemmyUberdriverhadtakenthelongwayanddrivenfifteenmilesunderthespeedlimit,allwhileturningaroundinhisseattospeaktome,heprobablywouldhavefoundawaytoblockmyaccountsoIcouldneverorderanotherrideshare.
WhichwaswhyIwasn’tgoingtomentionit.
Iwantedtocontinuebeingabletodrinkbottomlessmimosasandnotworryaboutdrivingmytipsyselfhome.
Elliotraisedhischin.“It’snotapunishablecrime,unfortunately.YouknowhowIfeelaboutprioritizingcommitments.”Hisfingerssteepled.“Westraisesagoodpoint,though.Youwenthikingalone?”
“Inthedaylight,”Ireplied.
Westonangledhisbodytowardmine.“Byyourself.”
“Yes.”Theweightoftheirglareshadmesinkinginmychair.“It’sabusytrail,though.Ipassedpeopleeveryfewminutes.Plus,Ihadmyphoneandbearspray.Iwasn’tbeingstupid.”
“You’reayoung,prettywoman.Youcan’tgoonhikesalone,”Elliotsaidwithasenseoffinality.
“ThankyouforsayingI’mpretty.However,IlivedinChicagoforthreeyears.I’mnotsomenaivelittlelambtakingmyselfoutforslaughter.ImadesureIwasonasafetrailandSaoirseknewwhereIwas.”
“It’sanunnecessaryrisk,”Westonadded.
“Doyougoonhikesalone?”Ichallenged.
“Ofcourse.Butsinceyou’renotnaive,youknowit’sdifferent,asmaddeningasthatis.Youshouldn’tbeanywheresecludedbyyourself.”
IfrownedatWeston,hatingthathewasrightaboutthestateoftheworld,butI’dtakenprecautionsandkeptmywitsaboutme.Iwasn’targuingtobestubborn.Theyweresimplywrong.
“Ithinkwe’llhavetoagreetodisagree.”
“Idon’tloveit,bella,”Lucaaddedsoothingly.
Iwingedaneyebrowathim.“Ettu,Brute?”
“WewantourElisetobesafe.”
Irolledmyeyes,thoughIcouldn’thelpsmilingathim.Hisfriendscouldreallytakesomelessonsfromhimonbedsidemanner.
Fortunately,ourfoodwasdelivered,puttingapausetothemganginguponme.Andsincetheywerethreelargemenwho’dundoubtedlyputinsomehardworkatthegymthismorning,theydoveintotheirfood,lettingthetopicslipaway.
Whentheyemergedfromtheirscraped-cleanplates,conversationfocusedonElliot’sforthcomingtriptoDubaitovisitapropertyhiscompanywasconsideringinvestingin.Hehadn’ttraveledinthemonthsinceI’dmovedback,andIsuspectedthatwaspurposeful.He’dbeenkeepinganeyeoutforme,andIsupposedhe’ddecidedIwassteadyenoughtoleaveforaweek.
Themengrappledoverwhowouldgetthecheck,Westonbeingthemostadamant.Ididn’tbothertrying.NotthatIcouldn’thavesnuckinandbeatenallofthem,butallthreewouldhaveheldagrudgeforeverifI’dpaidforthem.Itwasnotworththetrouble.
Itwasrainingbythetimewewerereadytoleave.Welingeredundertherestaurantawning,sayingourgoodbyes.
ItookoutmyphonetoorderanUber.Westonwatchedovermyshoulder.
“Youdon’tneedtoorderaride.”Hepressedonmyscreen,exitingtheapp.“I’lldriveyouhome.”
“Nothankyou.Idon’twantyoutogooutofyourway.”
Lucabarkedalaugh.“It’snotoutofhisway.”HiseyesflickedtoWeston’s.“Shedoesn’tknow?”
Weston’sheadshakewassubtle.Elliotgroaned.
“Oh,forgod’ssake.YouliveinthesamebuildingasWest.”ElliotpulledmeintoahugbeforeIcouldwrapmyheadaroundwhathe’djustsaid.“BegoodwhileI’mgone.WestandLucaarehereifyouneedthem.I’mallowingLucatohaveyourphonenumberonthecaveathedoesn’tsendyoudickpics.”
Luca’sbrowswaggled.“Sextingatnine?”
IletgoofElliottofistLuca’sT-shirt.“Comeon,Grandpa.Noonesextsbeforemidnight.”
ElliotshovedacacklingLucaawayfromme.“Nosexting.Don’tevenjokeaboutitoryou’llbegettingafront-rowviewofmybreakfastsplatteredontheground.”
Weston’spalmpressedgentlyonthecenterofmyback.“Waithere.I’llgogetmycarsoyoudon’thavetowalkintherain.”
“Youdon’thaveadriver?”Iwasonlyslightlyteasing.
Hishandsliduptomynapeandgaveitaquicksqueeze.“Idon’t.WhatkindofenvironmentalistwouldIbeifIwasdrivenaroundinabiggasguzzler?”
Westondisappearedintotherain,anditwastimeslikethisitwaseasytoforgethewastheCEOofaverysuccessfulcompany.
AlargeblackSUVpulleduptothecurb.Elliothadawryexpression.Mybrotherwasn’tnearlyasenvironmentallymindedasWestonandhadnoqualmsaboutbeingdrivenaroundinabiggasguzzler.HeandLucabothhuggedmeagainbeforeclimbinginthebackoftheSUV.
Aminutelater,Westonpulledup.Iwaspreparedtorunouttohim,hopingnottogettoodrenched,buthehoppedoutoftheTeslaandstrodeacrossthesidewalk,holdingalargeumbrella.Hewasdrenched,buthemadeitlookgood.Hisshaggyhairwasdrippingwet,likehe’dgottenextrasweatydoingthings.Mostlikelysexythings.Andthewayhisshirtwasplasteredtohischestwasobscene.Everysquare,tautmusclewasondisplay,small,tightnipplesstabbingatthefabric.
Reachingme,hegatheredmeunderhisarm,ensuringallofmewasbeneaththeumbrellaandwalkedmetohiscar.Imanagedtoclimbinwithoutgettingadropofrainonme.
Whatagentleman.
ItwistedinmyseatasWestonpulledoutintotraffic.
“Weliveinthesamebuilding?”
“Mmmhmm.I’minthepenthouse.”
“Naturally.”
Hismouthquirked.“IsuggestedthebuildingtoElliot.”
“Goodsuggestion.Didyoualsohavetherentmagicallydecreased?SaoirseandIarepayingwellbelowthemarketvalue.”
Heshruggedthencompletelydodgedthequestion.“WhywereyouandMilesinthestairwellyesterday?”
Sighing,Isatbackinmyseat.“IthoughthewastheoneleavingthePost-its,soIwasspeakingtohimaboutit.”
Hisheadjerked.Hishandstightenedslightlyonthewheel.“Whywouldyouthinkitwashim?”
Iwasunwillingtodelveintomyhighschooltrauma.Ifhedidn’tknowhowMileshadtreatedme,Iwasn’tgoingtobetheonetobreakittohim.Notthathewouldhavecared.Whatwasdonewasdone.
“Itseemedlikeaprank.Milesisknownfordoingthattypeofthing.”Istackedmyhandsinmylap.“Howdidheknowthenicknameyouusedtocallme?”
“Hmmm?”Hisbrowdropped.“Ellie?Idon’tknow.Backthen,Elliotandyouwerekindofmywholelifeoutsideofschool.Itwouldn’tsurprisemeifhe’dpickeduponitwhenIwasprattlingonaboutyou.”
“Oh.”Islumped,somewhatlostforwords.Ofcourse,toanyonewitheyes,itwasobviousWestonandElliotwerejoinedatthehipandhadbeensinceelementaryschool,butIneverwouldhaveguessedhe’dincludemeaspartofhiswholelife
“Whywashehuggingyou?”
Iturnedsharplytowardhim.“What?Howdoyouknowthat?”
Hegrumbled,tappinghisthumbsonthewheel.Hedidn’tseemkeentoanswerme,whichmeantIwasn’tansweringhimeither.
“You’rereallynotgoingtoanswerme?”
Sincehechosetostayquiet,Ididaswell.ButwhileIwassilent,Ichewedonthepossibilities.Therewasreallyonlyonethatmadesense,butIcouldn’timaginewhyWestonwouldgooutofthewaytowatchthesecurityfeeds.
Hepulledhiscarintotheundergroundparkingbelowourbuilding.Icouldn’tquitefigureoutthedoor,butthatwasfinesincehepressedthescreenintheconsole,openingitforme.
Westonpluggedthecarintochargethenweheadedtotheelevator.
“Thepenthouse?”Ipursedmylips.
“Whereelse?”Hiseyesdancedoverme.“Doyoulikeyourapartment?”
Inodded.“Ido,thoughI’msuspiciousabouttherent.”
“Justacceptyourluck.Don’tquestionit.”
“DoyouknowanythingabouttheflowersI’vebeenreceivingeveryweek?”
AnotherbouquethadbeenwaitingformeFridaywhenIgothomefromwork.Justassweetandprettyasthepreviousweek.Terrencehadhadnocluewhotheywerefrom,andofcourse,there’dbeennocard.
“No.”Hetuckedhishandsinhispockets.“Doyouwanttocomeuptomyapartment?”
“No.”Mynosetwitched.“Doyouwanttocometomine?”
“Yes.”
Mystomachtilt-a-whirledathisimmediateresponse.
Hefollowedmeofftheelevator,hoveringbehindmewhileIopenedthedoor.Itwasquiet,soSaoirsewasprobablystillsleeping.Alcoholhitherhard.ShewasgoingtospendherSundayinbed,andknowingher,wouldn’tfeeltheleastbitguiltyaboutit.
Iheldmyhandouttowardtheflowerssittingonthekitchenbar.“Thesearen’tfamiliartoyou?”
Heslowlyshookhishead.“Ihaven’tseenthembefore.Though,they’retheperfectsizeforabedsidetable.Iwonderwhyyoudidn’tputthemthere.”
Ibeckonedhimtofollowmedownthehallway.“Wehavetobequiet.SaoirseissleepingoffherSaturdaynight.”
“Still?”
Iglancedathimovermyshoulder.“Thatsoundedjudgy.”
“Itwas.”
Ibittheinsideofmycheektokeepfromlaughing.HehadnorighttoknowIfoundhimfunny.
Justinsidethedoorwayofmybedroom,Ipointedouttheflowersonmynightstand.
“Thosearelastweek’s.They’restillreallyfresh.I’vebeenrotatingthemsoSaoirseandIcanbothenjoythem.”
Ilookedupathim.Hewasclose.Despitehisdampclothing,hisbodyheatradiatedoutofhim.Itoccurredtomethenwewerealoneinmybedroom.WhyhadIinvitedhimhere?Icouldn’trecallthethoughtprocess.
ItalsooccurredtomehowexposedIwasinmyleggings.Theywerefineforhiking,notforwearinginfrontofWestonAldrichandallhisperfection.
“You’reagoodfriendtoshareeventhoughyourroommateislazy.”
Snorting,Ishovedathischest.“Sheisn’tlazy.SaoirseisthebusiestpersonIknow.Sometimesitcatchesuptoher.”
Hewanderedmoredeeplyintomyroom,pickingupapicturefrommydresser.Elliot,mymom,andmeathishighschoolgraduation.Acoupleyearslater,shewasgone,andourfamilywasdowntotwomembers.
“Shecouldn’tevenpretendtobehappy,”Iremarked.
“No.”Hetracedhisthumboverthepicture.“Elliotwasleaving.Itwasprobablyaharddayforher.”
“Everydaywasaharddayforher.”
Hesetitdownandturnedtome,hishandsbackinhispocket.“You’renothinglikeher.”
“Good.IlikewhenpeoplesayI’mjustlikemydad.Whentheycomparemetomymom,itfeelslikeaninsult.”
“Itprobablyisn’t,butIcanunderstandwhyyoufeelthatway.”Hismouthsetinafirmline.“Thecircumstancesaren’tideal,butI’mgladyou’rebackinDenver.Elliot’srelievedtohaveyouhome.”
Havinghiminmyroomwasstrange,andhewasstandingthereasthoughcompletelycomfortableamongmythings.Therehadbeensomuchdistance—distanceIhadimposedandhe’daddedto—beingincloseproximitynowwasadmittedlyjarring.
“Thankyou.Thecircumstancesareactualshit,butbeinghereisn’t.Theswankydigsdefinitelyeasethepain.”
Hechuckled,hisperfectpinklipstippingintoabeautifulsmile,andmyinsidesknotted.WhydidhehavetolooklikethatandhavealaughIcouldimaginehearinginthebedroomwhilelosingmymindwithhim?
“That’sgoodtoknow.”Hewalkedforward,towhereIstoodbythedoor.“Ishouldgo.I’mprobablygettingyourfloorwet.”
Isteppedasidetolethimpass.“Itwasincrediblygentlemanlyofyoutofetchthecarforme,youknow.”
Herubbedhishanddownhisfront,stillsmilingsoftly,bothofusinthedoorway.
“IfIdon’tpracticeonceayear,I’llforgethowtodoit.”
Igasped,myhandsonmycheeks.“Andyoupracticedonme?Wow,whatdidIdotodeservethishonor?”
Hereachedoutandtuggedtheendofmyhair,givingmealonglook.“Youcameback.”
“Thatsimple?”
Thecornerofhismouthhitched.“Yes.Thatsimple.”Herakedhishairawayfromhisface.“Ireallydoneedtogo.Ihaveafewhoursofworkaheadofme,andagain,myclothesaresoaked.”
AfterWestonwasgoneandIhadtimetogooverwhatwe’dtalkedaboutinmyhead,Irealizedhe’dneverexplainedwhyhe’dbeenleavingthePost-its.
Imadeamentalnotetoaskhimatwork.
Andforonce,Iwaslookingforwardtoseeinghimagain.ChapterNine
Elise
CEOswerebusy.Iknewthat.
ButafterseeingWestonaroundsooftenduringmyfirsttwoweeksatAndes,IsupposedIhaddevelopedfalseexpectations.Thisweekwasadifferentstory.Ihadn’tevencaughtaglimpseofhimintheelevator.
ThatwaswhyIsmiledsobigwhenIarrivedatmydeskonThursdayandaPost-itwaswaitingforme.
AlfredHitchcockwasfrightenedofeggs
Isputteredalaugh.NowthatIknewthesewerefromWeston,thoughhehadn’tadmitteditexplicitly,Ilookedforwardtoreceivingthem.He’dleftmeoneeachdaythisweek,eachwitharandomfactthathadnothingtodowithelephants.
Milesstrolledby,whistlingsoftly.Hestoppedinfrontofme,rappinghisknucklesonmydesk.“What’sthatlittlesmileabout?”
Icrinkledmynose.I’dforgivenhim,sure,butweweren’tfriends.Iwasn’tcertainIevenwantedtobefriendswithhim.
“Nothing.”ItriedtohidethePost-itundermyhands,buthespottedit.
Hisbrowlifted.“Ididn’tleavethatone.”
“Iknowyoudidn’t.”
“Whodid?”
Ishrugged.IwasworkingonregainingmyabilitytotrustpeoplebutreallydoubtedI’devertrustMilesAldrich.IfIdid,itwouldcertainlytakemorethanafewdaystohappen.
Heclutchedhisheart.“I’mwoundedyou’rekeepingsecretsfromme,Lisie.”
“MaybeIdon’tknowwholeftthem.Theyareanonymous.”
Hestaggeredback,dramakingthathewas.“You’rekillingmehere.Ifeelthepainfromyourwithholdingdeepinmybones.”
“Ihopeyou’renothangingaroundforanapology.”
“I’mnot.”Hestraightenedhistie.Itwasaskinnyone,straightfromthenineteen-sixties.“Howareyousettlingin?”
“IlikeAndesverymuch.”
Hegrinned,twinklinghiseyesatme.“Mybrothergavemethethirddegreeaboutwhatweweretalkingaboutinthestairwell.ItoldhimIdidn’tevenrealizethisbuildinghadstairs.”
Despitemyself,Isputteredalaugh.“Didhetakethatwell?”
“Hedidnot,whichmadeitevenmorefun.”
Ifoundmyselfgrinningback.“Callmecrazy,butIthinkhewatchedthesecurityfeed.He’sthatnosy.”
“Acontrolfreakiswhatheis.That’swhyhe’salwaysworkingondifferentfloors,keepingwatchovereveryone.DoesElliothangoutwithhisemployees?”
Myeyesbulgedatthepreposterousidea.“Ican’timaginethathedoes.Thatdoesn’tmeanhe’snotjustasmuchofacontrolfreakasWeston.Hejustdoesn’tcareabouthisemployees’personallives.TheycouldbebanginginthestairwellandElliotwouldn’tblinkaslongastheyweredoingtheirjobs.”
Milesshookhishead,murmuring,“Banginginthestairwell…”Thenheperchedhisbuttontheedgeofmydesk.“IsupposeWestieisn’tacompletecarboncopyofElliotafterall.I’mshocked.”
Icrossedmyarms,leaningbackinmychair.“Didyouthinktheywere?”
Herolledhiseyes.“WestonhasbeenobsessedwiththeLevyfamilysincethemomenthemetElliot.He’salwayswantedtobelikehim.Iwashonestlyastoundedtheydidn’tgointobusinesstogether.”
“Ordoyouthinkit’spossibletheywerealwayssimilarandthat’swhytheybecamesuchgoodfriends?”
“Sure,anything’spossible.”Hescrubbedhisscruffyjaw.“DidWestonaskyouaboutthestairwell?”
Inodded.“Hedid.IsawhimovertheweekendwhenIwasouttobrunchwithElliot.Ididn’tgivehimastraightanswerbecauseitwasn’treallyhisbusiness.”
Heclickedhisfingers.“That’swhyheaccostedmefirstthingMondaymorning.Nosybastard.”
Imovedmymousearoundtoturnonmycomputerscreen.AsMilesandIhadbeentalking,otheremployeeshadfilledupthesurroundingdesks,startingtheirworkday.Milesseemedtobeinnohurrytoleave,butIhadalistoftasksamilelong.
“Don’tyouhaveworktodo?”IaskedassweetlyasIcould.
Hegrinnedatmeandignoredmyquestion.“Weshouldhavebeenfriendsbackintheday.Ialwayslikedyou.Ishouldhavetriedhardertomakeyoulikeme.”Shrugging,hehoppedup.“GoodthingIhaveasecondchancetolureyouintoalifetimeoffriendship.HowamIdoingsofar?”
“Subpar.”
“Fuck,”hehissedunderhisbreath.“Well,don’tworry,Lisie.I’minitforthelonghaul.”
Thenhewanderedaway,whistlingashewent.
Iworkedwithoutabreakuntilmystomachstartedtogrowl.Myeyecaughtontheyellowstickynotestillsittingonmydesk,thenmythoughtsdriftedtoWeston’slunchinvitationduringmyfirstweek.
Ifhecouldinvitemetolunch,Icouldinvitehim.
Ipickedupthephoneanddialedhisassistant.Ididn’thavehisdirectphonenumberandweweren’tquiteintheplacetotexteachother.Atleast,Ididn’tthinkso.
“WestonAldrich’soffice.ThisisRenata,howcanIhelpyou?”
Iclearedmythroat.“Hi,Renata.ThisisEliseLevy.Iworkonseven.Anyway,I’mcallingtoseeifWestonwouldliketojoinmeforlunchtoday.”
Alongpause.
Solong,Ithoughtshehungup.
Finally,shespoke.“He’sincrediblybusythisweek.”
“Doesn’thehavetoeat?”
“Well…”
“Canyouaskhim?Icangrabsomethingforhimandbringitupthereifthat’seasier.”
Shesighed.“Holdon,Elise.I’llcheck.”Shedidn’tsoundtoooptimistic.
IclickedaroundonmycomputerwhileIwaited.Itdidn’ttakelongforhertocomeback.
“Elise?”
“Yes.I’mhere.”
“I’msorry,butWestonisn’topenforlunchthisweek.”
“Oh.”Mystomachdroppedwithdisappointment.“Didyoutellhimitwasme?”
“Idid.Theansweristhesame.Mr.Aldrichdoesn’tnormallytakeaformallunchbreak.Ifyouhavesomethingyou’dliketospeakwithhimabout,Isuggestemail.”
Thestingofrejectionsmarted.“Thankyou.I’llrememberthat.”
Ihungup,embarrassedforthinkingIcouldjustcalluptheCEOandinvitehimtolunch.Westonobviouslydidn’tseemeasanythingotherthananemployeeandhisfriend’ssister.Ididn’tknowwhyI’dthoughtanythinghadchanged.
Theworkweekthatneverendedfinallydid.Simon,Rebecca,andIwereoutfordrinkswithSaoirse,whoseofficewasnearby.Thisweekitwas,anyway.Shewasatempfornow,notreadytosettledownandchooseonejob.
Rebeccaglancedaroundthebarbrimmingwithofficeworkerslookingtoputacapontheirweek.
“Therearesometastymenheretonight,”sheremarked.
Saoirsegiggled.“I’msorry,butaren’tyoumarried?”
Rebeccaarchedabrow.“Married,notdead.It’snotlikeSamdoesn’tcheckouttitsandassesonaregularbasis.I’dbeworriedifhedidn’t.He’sgoodatdoingitsubtlywhenI’maround,justasIeyeupallthesuitporninmyproximity.”
“It’sashamethey’reallchronicallystraight.”Simonleanedforwardinhisclubchairtopickuphisdrinkfromthesmallroundtableinthecenterofourgroup.
Rebeccaelbowedhim.“Wecanbewingwomentonight.Let’sfindboysforSaoirseandLise.”
Iheldupmyhands.“Idon’twantaboy.I’mstillmangledfromthelastone.”
RebeccarolledhereyesasifIwassayingstupidthings.“Obviously,thenextonewillbepurelyphysicalwhileyouunmangleyourpoorheart.Noneedtowearoutyourbatterieswhileyou’rehealing.”
Saoirsenodded.“Thereisanawfullotofbuzzingcomingfromyourroomatallhours.It’sdistractingifyoumustknow.”
Asurprisedlaughburstoutofme.“Oh,shutup.Thatisn’ttrueandyouknowit.”
Sheshrugged,hereyesdartingtotheside.“I’mnotjudging.I’mjustsaying,therealthingmightbemoresatisfyingthansilicone.”
Asthethreeofthemplottedtofindmeareal-lifemantogetthejobdone,agroupofsuitedmenenteringthebardistractedme.Westonwassurroundedbysomeofthesuitswho’dbeenvisitingAndesheadquartersthisweek.Ashetookaseat,hiseyesflickedup,searching.Theylandedonmeandflared.
Inodded.Henoddedback,hisfulllipstippingintoasmallsmile.Itookalongpullfrommydrink,attemptingtopayattentiontomyfriends,notWestonAldrich.Hewasn’tlookingatmeanymore,anyway.Themenhadpulledhimintoconversation.
Rebeccaleanedintome,tippingherdrinktowardagroupofmenstandingtogetheratthebar.“Whataboutthatone?Hekeepslookingoverhere.”
Iglancedthatway.“Whichone?”
“Thetallestone,withthebeard.He’scute.”
Saoirsetwistedaroundtocheckouttheguys,noteventryingtobesubtleaboutit.“Oooh,yes.He’salittlebitginger,Lisie.Haveyouhadagingerbefore?”Sheturnedbackinherseat,herprettyfacealightwithexcitement.
“YouknoweveryguyI’vebeenwith,”Iremindedher.
Shenodded.“True.Nogingersinthebunch.”
Simonangledtowardher.“Howbigofabuncharewetalkinghere?”
IpointedatSaoirse.“Ifyoutellhimmynumber,I’llcutoffyourhairinyoursleep.”
Shegrabbedtheendofherblondeponytailprotectively.“Wow,livinginChicagomadeyouruthless.Iwasn’tgoingtotellhimabouttheseventeenguysyou’vesleptwith.”
Simon’sjawwentslack.“Seventeen?Andthatwasallbeforeyougotwiththedouchelord.Bytheageoftwenty-two,you’dhadseventeen?Whyyoulittlehussy!”
Irolledmyeyes.“She’spullingyourleg.Mynumber’snowherenearthat.Ittakesmemuchtoolongtobecomfortableenoughwithamantogetnakedinfrontofhimtohavethatmanynotches.”
“Damn,”Rebeccacursed.“Iwasabouttohigh-fiveyou.”
Saoirsewavedthemoff.“Let’sgetbacktothecutegingeratthebar.Ishelookingthisway?”
Iliftedmyeyesandwasmetwithafriendlygazeandasoftsmile.Thegingerbusinessmanwaswatchingme.Feelingbrazenfornoparticularreason,Iliftedmydrinktohim,andhissmilewidened.
ThenIrealizedIhadnoideawhattodonextandhadnogameatall.
“Ohmygod,he’sstaringhardatyou,”Simoncooed.“Getit,girl.”
“Ihavenocluehowtogetit.I’vebeenoutoftheflirtinggamefortoolong.”IkeptmyeyesdownsoIdidn’taccidentallyclashwiththegingeragain.
Rebeccapluckedmydrinkfrommyhand,tippeditback,andswalloweditdownbeforehandingmemyemptyglass.
“Ohdear,youneedanewdrink.Ourwaitressisdismallyslow.Youshouldprobablygotothebarandorderonebeforeyougettoothirsty.”
Istaredather,blinkingslowly.“You’remaniacal.”
“That’swhatSamsays.”Shetossedherhairbehindhershoulders.“That’swhyhelovesmeso.Now,gettothebarandletgingermakehismove.”
Nervesweretossingthecontentsofmystomacharoundinwildwaves.ButItoldmyselfallIwasdoingwaswalkingtothebar.Ifthismanwasactuallyattractedtomeandinterestedinknowingme,hecouldcometalktome.Otherwise,Iwasjustbuyingmyselfanewdrink.Noharm,nofoul.
Ofcourse,Inearlystumbledonmywaythere.Irightedmyself,findingWestonlookingatmeagain.Bitingdownonmybottomlip,Icarriedonmymission,findinganemptyspotatthebar.
Thebartendertookmyorder,andIwaited,butterfliescommittingviolenceinmystomach.Theyhadtobeswashbucklinginthere.Therewasnootherexplanation.
“Hello.”
Ilookedatthemanwho’dsteppedupbesideme.Tallwasmyfirstthought.Lovelybeardwasmysecond.
“Hi.Yourbeardislovely.”OhJesus.Who’dallowedmetospeak?
Hegrinned.“Thankyou.You’relovelyoverall.”
Icouldn’tholdbackasmile.“Thankyou.”Iheldmyhandout,confidenceblooming.“I’mElise.”
“Thomas.CanIbuyyourdrink?”
“Youdon’thaveto.”
“I’dliketo.Thatway,whenIaskforyournumber,youfeelobligatedtothrowmeabone.”
Hetookmeoffguard,makingmelaugh.“Thatisquitetheplan.Andsinceyou’rebeingsohonest,Imayfeelobligatedtogiveittoyou.”
Wechattedforafewmoreminutes,theusualgetting-to-know-youthings.Whenhetookhisphoneout,Ihappilygavehimmynumber.Asidefromhisheight,therewasnothingintimidatingaboutThomas.Heseemedniceandwasn’toverlyhandsomeorbuff,whichforme,wasaplus.Infact,hewasalittlesoftaroundthemiddle,whichIfoundattractiveonhim.
Iwasn’tinanywayreadyforsomethingserious,butifThomascontactedme,Iwouldgoonadatewithhim.Hehadareallygreatbeardandacharmingsmile.Deeperqualificationsweren’trequired.
Weparted,andIstartedtogobacktomygroupwhenthehaironthebackofmyneckrose.Iturnedmyhead,findingWestonglaringatthemen,hisjawclenched.Poorguy.Hecouldn’tevenhavearelaxingeveningout.ThoughIwonderedifheevertrulyrelaxed.
Probablynot.
WhenIsatbackdownwithmyfriends,theyplayeditcool,butIcouldtelltheywereburstingwithgiddinessforme.Rebeccamadeafewfireenginejokes,andSimontoldusabouttheoneredheadhe’ddated.Saoirsegrabbedmyhandandgaveitahardsqueeze.Morethananyone,sheknewwhatabigdealitwasformetoopenmyselfuptopossiblymovingon.
Wewereallalittlebittipsywhenweleftthebar.RebeccahadbigplansofgoinghomeandseducingSam.Simon’snightwasjustgettingstarted.Hewasmeetinghisreal-lifefriends.Workwasn’treallife,andIwasn’tevenalittleinsulted.SaoirseandIwaitedbythecurbforourUber.
Behindus,barnoisesgrewlouderassomeoneexited.Boisterousvoicescarriedloudlythroughthenight.SaoirseandIhuddledcloser.
“Elise.”Abarksocommanding,bothSaoirseandIimmediatelytwistedaroundtoseethesource.Westonhadpartedfromhisgroupandwasstridingtowardus.“I’lldriveyouhome.”
Saoirse’shandtightenedonmywaist.Ishookmyheadjustasacarpulledupinfrontofus.
“Nothankyou.OurUberishere.”Mygazelingeredonhis.Heseemedangry.Hisweekhadprobablyfeltmuch,muchlongerthanmine.“Haveagoodweekend,Weston.”
Hisheaddipped,andhestayedplantedthereonthesidewalkasweclimbedintothebackofourride.Iwavedaswedroveaway.
Saoirseletoutawhoosh.“Thatmanissofriggingintense.”
Igiggled.“Iknow,right?He’salwaysbeenthatway.”
“Hot,though.”
“Yeah.”He’dalwaysbeenthatwaytoo,evenasalankyteen.
“Let’stalkaboutThomas.”Shetookmyhand,wrappingbothofhersaroundit.“Howdiditfeeltobehitonbyacuteguy?”
“Itfelt…likemaybePatrick’sopinionofmeisn’ttheendallbeall.”
Herfacewentsoft.Shepressedmyhandtohercheek.“Itisn’t.RememberhowsexyyoufeltinAruba?That’swhatmatters.Patrickcouldn’thandleyoufeelingyourselfthatway.Hewasasmallmanwithasmallmindandasmallprick.”
Isnortedalaugh.“Unfortunately,hisprickisn’tsmall.”
Shesnappedherfingers.“Drats.Well,Ihopeheandhisbigdickareenjoyingallthetimethey’respendingwithhisrighthand.He’snevergoingtofindawomansexier,funnier,ormorewonderfulthanyou.AndIamone-hundred-percentcertainheknowsthatandit’skillinghim.”
“Idon’tknowifthat’strue,buthonestly?Idon’treallywanttothinkabouthimanymore.”
“You’reright.”
Myphonelitupinmylap.Ihadanewtext.SaoirseandIbothreadthescreen.
“Thomas,”shewhispered.
Hi,Elise.SorryI’mnotplayingitcool,butIreallyenjoyedmeetingyouandwouldlovetotakeyoutodinnertomorrownight.Areyouavailable?
Igasped.Saoirsesquealed.
Iwasgoingonadate.Withaman.
Holyfriggingcrap.ChapterTen
Weston
Lucakeptgivingmethestinkeyefortaggingalongwithhim,buthecouldgofuckhimself.Asifhedidn’tinvitehimselfeverywhereElliotandIwent.
“Whatifthiswasadate?”hegrumbledaswewereseatedonapatiowithmountainviews.
Iopenedmymenu,peeringathimoverit.“You’renotdatingElise.”
“Well,obviouslynotwhenyou’regettingbetweenus.”
Igavehimadrolllook.“Youdon’tdate.IfyougaveElisetheLucaRossitreatment,Elliotwouldhaveyourheadonapike.”
Hesniffed.“She’sbeautiful.Don’tyouthinkshe’sbeautiful?”
“Ofcoursesheis.Shealwayshasbeen.”
Hesnappedopenhismenu.“Inevernoticedbefore.Shame.IcouldhavebeenlookingatherinsteadofyouandElliot.Itwouldhavemadeallthosedrabdinnersyouguysforcedmetoalotmoreentertaining.”
BeforeIcouldusemymenutobrainhim,Elisecamerushingthroughtherestaurant.ThankChristshewasn’twearingthoseobsceneleggings.Theyhadbeenasecondskin,revealingeveryoneofhercurves.I’dbarelysurvivedwalkingbehindherintoherapartment.
LucarosebeforeIcould,helpingherintoherchairandmadeabigshowofkissinghercheek,winkingatmewhenhislipswereonher.Whenshewasseated,Irealizedthisweek’sbrunchoutfitwasn’tanybetter.
“Weston,”shebreathed,hercheeksflushed.“Lucadidn’tsayyou’dbehere.”
Icouldn’ttakemyeyesoffher.“Whatonearthareyouwearing?”
Sherearedback,herhandflyingtoherchest.Therewassomuchbareskin.Hertitswerepracticallyonaservingplatter,shovedupandoutbyacorsetcontraptionbeneathanopenflanneltop.Itwasabewilderingcombinationthathadclearlyscrambledmybrain.
“I’mwearingclothes,Weston.”Shestartedtopullherflannelclosed,butLucacaughtherhand.
Iscoffed.“Barely.”
“Youlookperfect.Don’tletthisjackassbringyoudown,”hemurmuredgently.
Shesighed,turningherhandovertowrapherfingersaroundhis.“Thankyou.SaoirseandIwenttothefarmers’marketthismorningandshewantedtobemystylist.IhaveallthisprettylingerieIneverhadthechancetowearandsheclaimsit’sacrime,sowebothwentoutinlaceandflannel.Ifeltgood.HadIknownmybosswasgoingtobehere,however,Iwouldhavechanged.”
Lucarolledhisprettyboyeyes.“Westcangetupandleaveifhe’smakingyouuncomfortable.Iinvitedyoutolunch.Heinvitedhimself.”
Shewavedhimoff.“It’sfine.Honestly,Idon’tknowwhatIwasthinkingrunningaroundlikethis.I’msureIlookridiculous.”Shestartedtobuttonherflannel,andIreachedout,catchingherhand.Ittookallmywillpowernottogetstuckonhowunbelievablysoftherskinwas.
“Youdon’tlookridiculous.Iapologizeformakingyoufeellikeyoudid.”Iforcedmyselftodropmyholdonher.
Shewasstillclutchinghershirt.“Whydidyou?”
“I—”Irubbedmychin,searchingforasuitableexcuseforbehavinglikeajackass.“I’mnotusedtoseeingyoudresslikethis.IttookmeoffguardandIreactedpoorly.Luca’sright.You’reperfect.Lovely.Don’tchangeathing.”
Sheloweredherhand,attemptingtohidehersmile.“Well,thenIguessIforgiveyou.It’sagoodthingtoo,becauseIwouldhavehatedtotellElliotmyboobstookyouoffguard.”
Lucaletoutaraucouslaugh.“Oh,fuck.Pleasedo,butmakesureI’mtheretowitnesstheatomicbombwhenitgoesoff.”
Shelaughedwithhim.“HestillthinksI’machild.”
“He’sprotective,”Icorrected.“Don’tyouthinkthat’sunderstandable,givenyourcircumstances?”
“Itis,”sheadmitted.“AndI’mprotectiveofhimforthesamereasons.ButI’veneveroncehadanythingtosayaboutthewomenhedates,norhaveIsiccedmyfriendsonhimtomakesurehedoesn’tgetlonelywhenI’moutoftown.”
Lucaheldhishandsup.“Now,now,Iaskedyoutolunchofmyownvolition.Ihappentolikeyourcompany.”
“Thankyou,”shesaidsweetly.“Ienjoyyourcompanytoo.”
Iinterruptedthelovefest.
“Yourrolesaredifferent,though.”Iplacedmymenuonthetable,squaringmyattentiononElise.“He’sfouryearsolder,yes,butElliotwasyourguardian.Idon’tthinkthatresponsibilityeverendedforhim.”
EliseandElliotwereorphans.TheirfatherhaddiedfromabraintumorwhenshewastenandElliotwasfourteen.Thetumorhadtakenhimwithinmonthsofdiagnosis.Noonehadbeenprepared.Leastofall,theirmother.Afterlosingherhusband,ElaineLevyfellapart.AsaconstantvisitortotheLevyhousehold,I’dwitnessedhersteadyandrapiddecline.ElliothadalmostturneddownStanford,butElisehadn’tallowedhimto.
Twoyearsin,he’dendedupdroppingoutanyway.ElainehadwrappedhercararoundatreeandElisehadneededhim.Whetherhe’dmovehomehadneverbeenaquestion.Mefollowing,ontheotherhand,hehadn’tallowed.
“AndIlovehimforit,”shesaid.“Butthatresponsibilitydoesn’textendtoyouguys,youknow.Can’twejustbefriendswithoutallthebigbrotherstuffcomingintoplay?”
Lucaraisedabrowatme.“Icancutoutthebigbrotherstuff,sweetheart.Idon’tknowaboutWest.He’sbeendoingitforalotlongerthanme,andnowhe’syourboss.”
“Wecanbefriends,”Isnapped,annoyedLucawasspeakingforme.
Thewaitercamebyforourorderthen,eyeingElise’scleavage.Hisgazekeptreturning,theartofsubtletycompletelylostonthisdouche.Fortunatelyforhim,sheseemedoblivious.
LucaandElisesettledintoaneasyconversationaboutthefarmers’marketandupcomingweekendactivities.Ilistenedtothembothbutchosetostayquiet.Forone,I’dalreadyputmyfootinmymouthonetoomanytimesthisafternoon.Foranother,itwasnicetowatchEliselaughandenjoyherself.
Herhappinesswasn’tapuzzleI’dbeenabletosolve,whichnaggedatme.IfIhadn’tbeenstuckinmeetingsallweek,Iwouldhaveworkedharderatit.MydailyPost-itshadprobablybeenmoreannoyingthananything.
“Oh,Luca.”Eliseperkedupasifjustrememberingsomething.“Canyousuggestagoodplacetograbadrinknearmyapartment?Somewherenottoobusywherewecanspeaktoeachother?”
“OfcourseIcan,bella.”Hereclinedinhischair,drapinghisarmovertheback.“Tellmetheoccasion.Thatwillgivemeabetterideaofplacestosuggest.”
Shecuppedhercheeks,doingnothingtohideherrisingblush.“Ihaveadatetonight.Heaskedmetodinner,butIsaiddrinksinsteadincaseit’sawkwardandIwanttobail.”
Hiseyebrowsshotup.“Adate?Waytoburythelede.Ithinkyouneedtostartatthebeginning.”
Isatupstraight,interestedinheranswer.
“It’snotabigdeal.Lastnight,Iwasoutwithmycoworkersandthisguyapproachedme.Heseemednice,andhewasverystraightforwardandeager,whichIliked.Anyway,hisnameisThomas,heworksinfinance,andheconfirmedourdatefirstthingthismorning.AccordingtoSaoirse,thatscoreshimtopmarks.”Shegesturedtowardme.“Westonwasthere.Hesawmetalkingtohim.Youcanaskhimwhathethinks.”
Icrossedmyarmsovermychest.“Waitaminute.You’regoingonadatewiththatredheadedlumberjackintheill-fittingsuit?”
Lucachokedonhiswater,sputteringintohisfist.Elise,meanwhile,didnotseemamused.Then,neitherwasI.Lastnight,Ihadnoticedsomebigguychattingherup,butI’dmissedanumberexchangetakingplace.
“HisnameisThomas,Weston,andIfoundhimverygood-looking.Noteveryonecanlookliketheysteppedoutofamagazine,butthatdoesn’tmeantheyaren’tworthyofrespect.”
Ichuffed.“Ididn’tsaythat,sodon’tputwordsinmymouth.I’monlytalkingaboutthemanIsawyouwithlastnight.Youcan,andshould,doalotbetter.”
Hereyesnarrowed.“Youknownothingabouthimotherthanwhathelookslike.Whoknewyouweresoshallow?”
“Yeah,”Lucachimed.“Whoknew?I’mashamedofyou,West.”
Ipickedupmyglass,ignoringLuca.“I’msimplysayingyoushouldn’trushintoadatewiththefirstmanwhoasks.”
Shefoldedherarmsunderhertits,andInearlyswallowedmytongue.Theyweresofuckingroundandrightfuckingthere.Weretheyalwaysthere,justlikethat,underherclothing?
WhatwasIthinking?Ofcoursetheywere.Shewalkedaroundwiththoseroundfuckingtitseveryday.Shesatinmybuilding,typingonmycomputer,doingworkformycompany,thosebig,beautifultitsbeneathameaslylayerofclothing.
“WhyareyoupresumingThomasisthefirstmantoaskmeout?Forallyouknow,IcouldhavebeensleepingmywaythroughDenverthepastmonth.”
Lucachuckled.“Mygod,Elise.WehavetohangoutwithoutElliotmoreoften.You’reevenmorefunwithoutyourballandchaindraggingyoudown.”
Thatmadeherlaugh.“Hewoulddefinitelynotappreciatemebangingmywaythroughthecity,andifyoutellhimIsaidthat,I’llshaveyourhead.”
“Youcruelmistress.Mylipsaresealed.”Lucamimedtossingherthekeytohislockedlips.Elisecaughtitandtuckeditinhercleavage.IwonderedwhatthefuckI’ddoneinmylifetodeservethisformoftorment.
Sheturnedbacktome.“Honestly,Thomasisgoingtobemyfirstdate.Idon’thaveveryhighexpectations,andI’mdefinitelynotlookingforanewboyfriend.ButlikeIsaid,heseemsniceandnonthreatening,soI’mgoingtogivethewholedatingthingawhirl.Itcouldbefun.”
Ourwaiterreturned,settingdownourplateswhileImulledoverherwords.Assoonasheleft,Iasked,“Whatdoesnonthreateningmean?”
Shepickedupherpickle.Alwaysthepicklefirst.
“ItmeansIdon’tthinkhe’sthetypetotwistmeintoknotsandspitmeoutalltangledupwhenhe’sthrough.Nonthreatening.”
“Thenhedoessoundlikeagooddudetopracticeyourdatingskillson,”Lucaagreed.“I’lltextyousomerecsfortonight.Youwantlowkey,nottooromantic.OurboyThomasdoesn’tneedtogetanyfunnyideas.”
WhenElise’spicklewasgone,Iputmineonherplate.We’dnevereatenamealtogetherwhereIdidn’tgivehermypickle.There’dalsoneverbeenatimewhenshehadn’tbeamedatmefordoingso.
“Thankyou,Weston.You’remyfavoritepersontoeatsandwicheswith.Ialwaysgetdoublethepickles.”
Iwipedmymouthwithmynapkin.“Ilikehowhappyapicklemakesyou.”
Hercheeksflushed.“It’sthelittlethings,youknow?”
Luca’sheadcocked,hiseyesdartingfrommetoher.Icouldpracticallyhearthegearsofhismindturning,butwhateverhewasthinking,hechosenottospeakitoutloud.
To:eliselevy@andesinc.com
From:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
DearElise,
Asoneofmynewestemployees,I’mcheckingintoseehowyou’redoing.
Didyouhaveaniceweekend?
Ontheelevatorthismorning,youappearedrejuvenated.
Areyouthatthrilledtobebackatwork?
Inquiringly,
Weston
To:westonaldrich@andes.com
From:eliselevy@andesinc.com
DearGrumpyBoss,
Doyousendthistypeofemailtoallyournewemployees?
Ihadalovelyweekend.Areyouaskingaboutanyspecificmoments?
Asforyourquestionregardingmyrejuvenatedappearance,thatisneitherduetomyniceweekendnorthethrillofreturningtowork.Mysecretisbathinginthebloodofvirginsonceaweek.Ifyou’renice,I’llsharemysource.
Sanguinely,
Elise
Itippedmyheadbackandgroaned.Shecouldn’tmakethingseasy,couldshe?IfElisehadrealizedIwasignoringhundredsofemailstoreadhers,maybeshewouldhavegoneeasieronme.
IwantedtoknowhowherdatewithfuckinglumberjackThomashadgone.
To:eliselevy@andesinc.com
From:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
DearElise,
Whileyourbloodbathsoundsfascinating,andisclearlyworking,Idon’tthinkI’llbepartakingintheritual.
AsforwhichspecificpartsofyourweekendI’mreferringto,I’llbehonestandsayI’dverymuchliketoknowifIshouldbehiringsomeonetomakeredheadedThomasdisappear.
Homicidally,
Weston
To:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
From:eliselevy@andesinc.com
DearGrumpyBoss,
Idon’tknowifIshouldbeusingcompanytimetodiscussmydatinglife.Youshouldprobablyrethinkputtingyourmurderplansinacompanyemailaswell.
I’mverybusytoday.Aren’tyou?It’sstrangeyouhaveallthistimetoemailmewhenyoucouldn’tfitmeinforlunchlastweek.
Hmmm…
Concernedly,
Elise
Lunch?Whatwasshetalkingabout?Ifshe’dwantedtohavelunchwithme,Iwouldhavefoundawaytomakethathappen.
“Renata,”Icalledout.
Myassistanttookhertimemakingherwayintomyoffice.
“Yes,Weston?”
“DidEliseLevycalltoinvitemetolunchlastweek?”
Shenodded.“Mmmhmm.”
“What?”Irosefrommydesk,mychairrollingbackward.“Andyoudidn’tthinktotellme?”
Shecockedherhead.“Actually,Ididtellyou.YouwereinmeetingswiththeSavaGrouplastweek,asyourecall.”
Mybrowpinched.Iwasn’tamusedbyRenata’stone.“Yes.Iamwellaware.WhatIdonotrecallisyoutellingmeEliseLevyphonedforme.”
“Idid,Weston,andIdon’tappreciateyouimplyingI’maliar.”Herhandswenttoherhips.“Youwereinyourbubbleandnothingexistsoutsideofit.Ididn’tpresstheissuebecauseIknowhowyougetwhenyouzoneouttherestoftheworld.Ialsodidn’trealizeEliseLevy’scallsshouldbeputthrough,consideringyounevertoldmethat.”
Exhaling,Istaredatmyassistant.Shewasright.Lastweek,I’dhadmeetingaftermeeting.WhenIwasn’tinmeetings,Iwasrespondingtoemailsandmakingbudgetdecisions.Allmyweekswerehectic,butlastweekhadbeenespeciallyso.I’ddonenothingbutworkandsleep.Everythingelsehadfallenbythewayside.
“EliseisElliot’ssister.”
“I’maware.”Renata’smouthtwitched.Shewasn’thappywithme.
“UnlessItellyouotherwise,putElisethroughwhenshecalls.”
“Please,”Renataaddeddryly.
Liftingabrow,Iwonderedifanyoneelseinmypositionwasremindedtousetheirmannersbytheirassistant.
Probablynot.
“Please,Renata.”
Shesmirked.“Ofcourse,Weston.”
Inodded.“Markoffsometimeformearoundlunchtimetoday.”Sheglaredatme.“Please,”Iadded.
“Allright.”Thenshewanderedoutwithacarefreewaveoverhershoulder.
To:eliselevy@andesinc.com
From:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
DearElise,
Wouldyoujoinmeforlunchtoday?
I’dliketoapologizeforneglectingyoulastweek,andsincewetechnicallywon’tbeoncompanytime,wecandiscussthemurderofredheadedThomas.
Professionally,
Weston
Aminutelater,heremailpingedinmyinbox,andastupidgrinspreadacrossmyface.
To:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
From:eliselevy@andesinc.com
DearGrumpyBoss,
I’llacceptyourinvitationundertwoconditions:
Youcan’tglare,frown,orscowlatme.
Thereisnomentionofmurderingormaimingmydates.
SinceI’mdoubtfulyoucanmeetthoseconditions,I’llwriteyournameonmycalendarinpencilsoIcaneraseyouatanymoment.
Skeptically,
Elise
Forthefirsttime,probablyeverinthisoffice,Itossedmyheadbackandlaughed.EliseLevyhadjustlaiddownachallenge,andIwasmorethanwillingtoacceptit.
To:eliselevy@andesinc.com
From:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
DearElise,
Markmedowninpen.
Confidently,
WestonChapterEleven
Elise
WestontookmetoasushirestaurantafewblocksfromAndesheadquarters.We’djustplacedourorders,andsofarhehadmanagedtokeephisfacialexpressionsonanevenkeel.
Heclaspedhishandsonthetable.“I’msorryagainforlastweek.”
He’dalwayshadnicehands.Longfingers.Neatlytrimmednails.Butnow,theywereessentiallyhandporn.Veinsstoodoutlikewildriversrunningbeneathhisskinmadegoldenbythesun.ThecallusesonhispalmsandfingersbeliedhispositionasCEO.Westonmusthavestilllovedspendingtimeoutdoors.
“It’sfine.Itwaspresumptuousofmetothinkyou’dhavetimeforme.”Iwascompletelyovertherejection.WhenI’dhadtimetoreflectonit,I’dfeltalittlestupidforcalling.Hisscheduleprobablyhadnexttonoflexibility.
“No,itwasn’tpresumptuousatall.I’llalwaysmaketimeforyouifIcan,Elise.”Hepickeduphishotteaandtookaslowsipbeforeplacingitonthetable.“Ihavethisproblem.Well,IshouldsayI’vebeentoldit’saproblemeventhoughit’salwaysworkedtomybenefit.”
“Whotoldyouitwasaproblemthen?”
Hismouthtwitched.God,werehislipssexy.I’dforgottenhowfullthebottomonewas.Fullandpink.Hewasprobablyagreatkisser,withthatanatomyandhisperfectionism.
“Ex-girlfriends,”heanswered,pullingmerightbacktoreality.Westonhadalotofex-girlfriends.
“Okay,nowI’mintrigued.Spillwhatyourproblemis.”
Hislipspulledintoahalfsmile.“I’vebeentoldmany,manytimesIcanbesingle-minded.WhenI’mconcentratingonaprojectordeepinmywork,I’mnotawareofanythingoutsideofit.Inthepast,I’vemissedreservationsandforgottenplansfordaysbecauseofmyhyperfocus.”
“Ahhh…”Ipickedupthewrapperfrommychopsticksandbeganfoldingitintoasmallsquare.“Yes,Icanseewhythatwouldbeaproblemforyourplethoraofgirlfriends.”
Adeep,fulllaughburstfromhim.“Plethora?Really?”
“Yes,Weston.EverytimeIsawyouafteryouwentawayforcollege,youhadadifferentwomanwithyou.Ithinkthatqualifiesasaplethora.”
Hishumorfellaway.“Notallthosewomenweregirlfriends.Infact,mostweren’t.”
“Yetyoufeltcompelledtobringthemtoourfamilydinners.”
TherehadbeenapointinmylifeI’dconsideredWestonAldrichmyfriend.Backthen,Ineverquestionedthathecaredforme.
WhenhewenttocollegeandIstartedhighschool,thingshadchanged.I’dbeenmiserable,anddeepdown,eventhoughithadn’tbeenfair,I’dblamedWestonforwhatMileshadputmethrough.So,I’dstoppedtalkingtohim,andonceI’dshovedthatwedgebetweenus,Westonhadaddedtoitbyrarelycomingtovisitalone.He’dalmostalwayshadagirlwithhim—evenatmygoing-awaydinnerbeforeImovedtoChicago.
“I’msurprisedtohearyou’dnoticedsinceyoubarelyspokeawordtome,”heintoned.
“JustbecauseIwasn’tspeakingtoyoudoesn’tmeanIdidn’tseeyou.”
Hisattentionwasonhisteacup.Herotatedituntilitwasinapositionthatseemedtosatisfyhimandlookedup.“Whyweren’tyouspeakingtome?”
Iliftedashoulder.“Idon’tknow,Weston.Doesitreallyevenmatter?We’reheretogethernow.I’mspeakingtoyou,andyounolongerfeeltheneedtobringoneofyourplethorawithyou,let’sjustleaveitatthat.”
Hisbrowstartedtolower,butIwaggedmyfingerathim.“Ifyou’reabouttoscowlatme,thinkagain.Yougavemeyourword.Nofrowning.”
Hisexpressionsmoothed,thecornersofhismouthhitching.“So,we’renevergoingtodiscusshowyouwentfrommylittlebuddytoastone-coldbitchattheflipofaswitch?”
Ihadtolaugh.“You’recallingfourteen-year-oldmeastone-coldbitch?Isn’tthatillegal?”
Hedidn’tjoinmeinlaughing.“Iguessthat’sano.”
Myeyesrolled.“Iwasn’tabitch,West.Iwashavingatoughtimewithself-image,mymomwasgoingofftherails,highschoolsuckedmostofthetime,andyoukeptgettingmoregood-lookingeveryyear.”
Hisheadcocked.“Whatdoesthatmean?”
“ItmeansIdidn’tlikemyselfbackthen,soIpushedeveryoneaway.”
You.Ipushedyouaway.
Hewentstill,hisgazeheavyandsearing.“ButIlikedyouenoughforbothofus.”
Isighed.Hetrulybelievedthat.“Iknowyoudid.”
“Youwerelikeasistertome.”
Icringedformyyoungerself.“AndIhadamassivecrushonyou,youobliviousman.Theingredientsfordisasterwerethere.Mylowself-esteem,yourhotness,ouragedifference,yourparadeofgorgeousgirlfriends.Onceyouwentaway,youcamebackasnotmineanymore.Idon’tknow.Lookingback,it’ssilly,butatthetime,itfeltsobig.”
Heblinkedatmeafewtimes,slowly,asiftryingtodecipherwhatwasreal
“Itisn’tsilly,Elise.Yourfeelingshaveneverbeensillytome.IwishI’dknownbackthen.”
“Ineverwouldhavetoldyouanyofthat.Besides,ittookmeuntiladulthoodtoreallyunderstandwhyIwassomadatyou.Ifyou’dpressedmeonitthen,Iwouldhaveeitherrunawaysobbingorcussedyouout.”
Heshookhishead.“Youneverwouldhavecussedmeout.You’retoosweetforsomethinglikethat.”
Thatmademelaughandraiseabrow.“IthoughtIwasastone-coldbitch?”
“IonlymadethatjudgmentbecauseIdidn’thavealltheinformation.NowthatIknowhowhotyouthinkIam—”
“Ohmygod!”Itossedmyfolded-upchopstickwrapperathim.“ThatwaswhenIwasbasicallyachild,Weston.Iobviouslydon’tthinkthatanymore.”
Hismouthcurvedintoasmirk.“AmIhideousnow,Elise?”
ThatwasafishingexpeditionifI’deverheardone.WestonAldrichwasalotofthings,buthideouswasn’toneofthem,andhewastoosmartnottobeawareofit.
Iwasn’ttakinghisbait.
“Oh,yes.I’msurprisedyouevengooutinpublic.”
Heinhaleddeeplyandrubbedhischest.“It’stough,andtakesalotofcourage,butImanagetoleavemycaveafewtimesamonth.”
Iclappedmyhands.“Verybrave.”
Ourwaiterbroughtourfood,andwebothwentquiet.Thiswasn’tthetopicI’dexpectedtotalktohimabout,butIguesseditwastimetosomewhatcleartheair,andIwasgladwehad.Hopefullywecouldlaythepasttorest.
WestondecidedtoaskmeaquestionafterIhadjustpoppedaCaliforniarollintomymouth.
“Howwasyourdate?”
Iheldupafinger,chewing,andthenswallowing.ImadehimwaitafewmoresecondswhileIdranksomewater.
“ItwasstrangetobewithsomeoneotherthanPatrick.”Icrinkledmynose.“ItstruckmeduringmydatewithThomasthatI’mreally,reallysingle.”
“Itonlystruckyouthen?”
“Don’tbepurposelyobtuse.It’sonethingtodeclareyourselfsingle,it’sanothertoactonit.I’vespentsolonginarelationship,it’sstrangetoevenconsiderlettinganothermantouchme.”
“Anddidhe?”
Ipickedupatunaroll,myeyesflickingtoWeston’s.“Didhewhat?”
Hetappedhischopsticksonthetable.“Touchyou.”
“Oh.No.Well,hekissedme,but—”
Hisupperbodylurchedforward.“Hekissedyou?That’stouching.”
“Itwasapeck.Andahug,”Iexplained.
Hisupperlipcurled.“I’mtryingreallyhardnottoscowlatyou.”
Ilaughed.“Whywouldyouscowlatme?YoushouldbehappyI’mmovingon.”
“Isn’tittoosoontobekissingrandomlumberjacks?”
“No,Idon’tthinkso.It’stheexactrighttimeformetobekissingrandomredheadedlumberjacks.Besides,Thomasisn’tthatrandom.HewenttoCU-Bouldertoobutwastwoyearsaheadofme.Wehavemutualfriends.”
Westonspearedhischopsticksintohispileofwasabi,peeringatmefrombeneathfurrowedbrows.Hisexpressionwasdangerouslyclosetoaglare.“Didyoulikeit?”
“Kissinghim?”
Heloweredhischin.
“I’veneverkissedaguywithabeard.Itwas…different.”
Hechuffeddismissively.“Soundslikeadisaster.”
Isnorted.“Itwasn’tatall.IactuallyexpectedtofeellikeIwasdoingsomethingwrong,whichisridiculous.IwaspleasantlysurprisedtofindIdidn’tfeelguiltyintheleast.”
“Youhavenothingtofeelguiltyabout.”
“No,IknowIdon’t.”Ishookmyhead.“Anyway,Imightseehimagain.SomefriendsofhisaregoingtoseeabandplayonFridaynight.Heaskedmetogooutwiththem.”
Thedrolllookhegavemesaidhewastotallyunimpressed.“Heshouldbetakingyououttodinnersomewherenice,wherereservationsarerequired.It’stoosoontojust‘hangout’withhisgooniefriends.”
Iburstoutlaughing.“Yousoundsofriggingold,Ican’tevenbelieveit.Isthiswhathappenswhenyouturnthirty?Youturnintosomeuptightelitist?”
“I’veneverchanged,Elise.”
Ipressedmylipstogether,amused.“So,youadmittoalwaysbeinguptight?”
Hejabbedhischopsticksatme.“I’mbeginningtothinkitwasbetterwhenyouwereastone-coldbitch.Noinsultsflyingmyway.”
Ileanedforward,grabbinghishand.“Comeon,Westie.Youdon’tmeanthat.”
Heflippedourhandsoversohiswereontop.“No,Idon’tmeanitatall.”Hisfingerstightenedaroundmine.“Jesus,thevirginbloodisdoingyouwell.Yourskinislikebrandnew,outofthepackage.Sosoft.”
“Onegoodthingmymothertaughtmewastoalwaysmoisturize.”Idraggedmyindexfingerdownthesideofhisthumb.“Yourhandsarerough.Iftheywerechoppedoffandfoundinaditchtwostatesaway,noonewouldbelievetheycouldbelongtoyou.Thesearen’tthehandsofamanwhoworksathiscomputerallday.”
Hissexylipswereparted,andprobablynotfromdesire.“Thatwasmacabre.ShouldIbeworriedforthesafetyofmyhands?”
Myteethdugintomybottomlip.TeasingWestonhadalwaysbeensofun.Hewassoseriousbutneverfailedtoplayalongwithme.
“Oh,soyou’reselfish?”
Hiseyesflared.“How’sthat?”
“WhenItoldyouaboutthevirgins,youneverbattedaneye.Butonementionofchoppingoffyourhandsandyou’recallingthepolice.”
“Ineedmyfuckinghands,Elise.”HeglaredatmelikeIwasthenutwhenhewastheonepracticallyshoutingabouthishands.
“Thevirginsneedtheirblood,Westie!”
Hecluckedhistongue.“You’vebeenspendingtoomuchtimewithMiles.He’stheonlyonewhocallsmethat.”
“Idon’tknowwhy.It’scatchy.”
Hegavemeanotherlong,consideringlook.“Doyouseehimoutsidetheoffice?”
“Who?Miles?”
Onebriefnod.Hestillhadn’tletgoofmyhand.
“No.Ionlyseehimatwork.Buthe’sdecidedheandIshouldhavebeenfriendsbackinschool,andhemissedtheopportunity,sohe’smakingupforlosttimebyperchinghisassonmydeskeveryday.”
Hismouthpulleddown.“I’lltellhimtostop.”
“Why?He’sannoying,butheusuallygoesawaywhenItellhimto.”Afterthefifthorsixthtime.
“Hashebeenhuggingyou?”
Hewasfullyfrowningatme,breakingthefirstrule.Buthe’dputmeinsuchagoodmoodIdecidednottocallhimonit.
“Allthetime.Wecallthemhugbreaks.Wetakefiveminutesoutofourdayandhugitout.I’msurprisedyouhaven’tnoticedusonthesecuritycameras.”
Grunting,hepulledhishandbackandswipedhismouthwithhisnapkin.“Idon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout.”
“Sure.”
Hiseyesnarrowed.“Don’thugmybrother.”
“I’lltrynotto.”
Hegruntedagain.“Youknowhowtopissmeoff,Elise.”
Igiggledathoweasilyriledhestillwas.God,I’dmissedthisman.“It’slikeoldtimes.”
Andjustlikeoldtimes,whenWestongavemethefullforceofhisattention,somethinginsidemeblossomed,awakeningacravingformoreattention,morelonglooks,moreWeston.Fortunately,Iwasolderandwiser.
Developingacrushonthismanwasaloser’sgame.
Weweren’tthekidswe’dbeenwhenhe’dheldmeaswewatchedelephantdocumentariesduringmyfather’sShiva.Wecouldnevergobacktothateasyinnocenceorcasualcloseness,notbecauseofWestonbutbecauseofme.Myheartwasattunedtoadoringthisman.IfIletmyself,Icouldeasilyslipbackintopiningoverhim.
So,we’dhavethis:occasionallunches,sillyemails,nothingmore.
Thewalkbacktotheofficewasquiet,andthatwasmyfaulttoo.IwasbusyfirmingupmyboundariesinmymindasWestonsnuckquestioningglancesatme
Inthelobby,Istoppednearthecompanystore.Westonturnedtome,hisforeheadcrinkled.
“I’mgoingtocheckouttheshopbeforeIgoup.IneedsomeAndesgearformyhikethisweekend.”Ijerkedmythumbovermyshoulder.
“Allright.I’llcomewithyou.”
“That’sokay.I’llbequickeronmyown.”
Hewasopenlyscowlingatme,butIsupposedwewerefinishedwithlunch,sotherewasnolongeranyneedforhimtofollowmyrules.
“Okay…whoareyougoingonthishikewith?Notthelumberjack.”
“No,notthelumberjack.”Iliftedashoulder.“ProbablySaoirse.”
“Notaloneeither,Elise.”
Sharp.Hemeantit.
Ishookmyhead.“Notalone.”
Probably.
Maybe.
Therewouldforsurebeotherpeopleonthetrails.
Hestudiedmeforadrawn-outmoment.Mycheeksheated.Hisgazetracedovermyface,lingeringonthehottestparts.
“Allright.Thankyouforjoiningmeforlunch.”Hesteppedforwardbutdidn’treachouttotouchme.Instead,heleanedin,puttinghismouthnearmyear.“I’mreallyfuckinggladyou’reback.”
Iturnedmyhead,andourcheeksbrushed.Webothwentstill.Isuckedinabreath.Heexhaledwarmairontomyskin.
“Metoo,Westie.”
Heletoutalowchuckle.“GoddamnMiles.”
“Gotowork,Mr.Aldrich.”
“Don’tcallmethat,Elise.”
Hepulledback,butonlyfarenoughformetoseehisfieryhazeleyes.
Mylipstipped.
Hisgazefelltomymouth.
Mystomachtieditselfinaknot.
Ohjeez.
“Goodday,grumpyboss,”Iwhispered.
Hiseyesflickedbacktomine.“It’sbeenagreatday,sweetElise.”
Thismancouldn’tplayfairifhetried.ChapterTwelve
Elise
SincemovingbacktoColorado,I’dbecomeaddictedtomyweekendhikes.IwasonmyownsinceSaoirsewascurrentlyskydivingwithanewfriendshemetinacoffeeshoplastweek,butIdidn’tmind.
I’dspentthelastfewhourshikingthroughmeadowsandthenacanyon.Thesunwasbrighterhere,sowhenIcametoathickcopseoftreesafterfourmiles,Ibreathedasighofrelief.
Okay,Ipanted.
Inmydefense,theairwasthinnerandthetrailwasonanincline.
WhowasIdefendingmyselfto?Iwasoutherepantingandsweatingandhavingthetimeofmylife.EachtimeIpushedmyself,Itookownershipofmybody.
IrememberedwhyI’dlovedmythickthighsandsoftstomachbeforePatrickmademebelievetherewassomethingwrongwithme.
Thesethighscarriedmeoverrocksandhills.
Mystomachwasround,butmycorewassolid.
Iwassolid.
Mybodymightnothavebeeneveryone’sideal,butitbelongedtome.IfIdidn’tloveit,whowould?
Therewasmoretolovethanhate.
Noonegottotellmehowtofeelaboutmyself.
ThosewerethethingsItoldmyselfonacontinuousloop,andIwasdoingsomuchbetterthanIhadbeenwhenI’dfirstarrived.ButIsometimesfaltered.MemoriesoftheGIFandPatrick’snicknamelikedtoswingbackandflattentheprogressImadeongooddays.
ThepointwasIwasgettingthere.Itwouldtaketime,butIhadtime.
Iwalkedoffthetrail,followingthesoundofthenearbycreek.WhenIfoundit,Isatdownonaflattenedboulderandstaredinaweatthescenery.Icouldn’tbelieveI’dleftallthisbehind.
I’dlikedlivinginChicago,butthis…
Therewasnothinglikeit.
IwaswhereIwassupposedtobe.
Ididn’tknowhowmuchtimehadpassed.Onemoment,Iwasrestingbesidethecreek,andthenextthingIknew,Iopenedmyeyes,disoriented.IguessedI’dfallenasleep.
Takingoutmyphone,Icheckedthetime,surprisedtofindanhourhadpassed.
Saoirsehadtextedmeapictureofherinherskydivinggearwiththemessage:“Isurvived!”Igrinnedatmybrave,crazyfriend.Sheneversaidnotoachallengeanddidn’tletfearstopherfromhavingnewexperiences.ItwaspartofwhyIlovedher.
TherewasanothertextfromThomas.Oh,sweet,redheadedThomas.
Hey!I’dlovetoseeyouagainthisweekend.Textmeifyoucanfitmein.
Isighed.
Jeez.
We’dgoneoutlastnight.Music,drinks,hisfriends.Therehadn’tbeenahugeopportunitytotalksincewecouldn’treallyheareachother.I’dhadfun,though.Thebandhadbeenoutrageous,andthevibehadbeenprettychill.
Untilheheldmyhand.Ihadn’tbeenabletostopnoticinghowsofthiswas
Likesinkingintowarmbutter.
I’dlethimkissmewhenhetookmehome,andithadbeennice.Hishughadbeenevennicer.Iwasn’tsureIcouldpicturemyselfinbedwithhim,though.
Still,hewasaniceguy.Agoodguy.I’dgivehimonemoretry.IfIstillwasn’tfeelingit,I’dlethimdowneasy.I’dneverbethegirltodragthingsoutjusttohavesomeoneinmylife.
Isatup,takingadeeppullfrommywaterbottle.Itwastimetostartheadingback.Ihadalongwalkaheadofme
Climbingtomyfeet,Istretchedmyarmsovermyhead.ThatnaphadbeenexactlywhatI’dneeded.
Ileaneddowntograbmybackpack,butabandofironcaughtmebeforeIcouldgrabit.No,notiron.Strong,unyieldingarmswrappedaroundmyshouldersfrombehindandyankedmebackwardintosomethinghard.Alarmbellsranginmyears,butbeforeIcouldscream,abighandcoveredmymouth.
“Elise,”alowvoicegrittedinmyear.“Stop.Lookinfrontofyou.Oneo’clock.”
Mybrainracedtocatchup.ItwasWestonholdingme,notsomecrazedrapistorcannibalfromthehills.Histall,leanbodypressedintomine,crushingmybacksideagainsthim.
“Areyoustalkingme?”Imumbledfrombehindhishand.“Letgoofme!”
Hegavemeashake.“Lookinfrontofyou,baby.Staycalm.”
Heturnedmyheadslightlytotheright,andthougheverythinginsidemewantedtoignorehisorders,Ifocusedonthespot.
Andnearlypissedmypants.
Nomorethantwentyfeetawaystoodamountainlion.Stock-still,itwatchedusboth,standingintheexactpathIwouldhavetakenhadWestonnotstoppedme.
MymuscleslockeduptheverysecondIunderstoodthesituation.Mountainlionsdidn’tnormallycomeoutatthistimeofday.Iftheydid,andtheysawahuman,they’dusuallyrunandhide.
Thisonewasn’thiding.
“Don’tlookaway,”Westonsaidfirmly,raisinghisvoice.“Keepyoureyesonthatcat,baby.You’regoingtobefine.We’regoingtostaybig,makesomenoise,andscarethatkittenaway.”
Iwhimperedagainsthishand.Myheartthunderedinmyears.Whatwashappening?Howcouldthisbereal?
“Comeon,Elise.”Hetookoneofmyhandsandraiseditupsoourarmswerestraightouttotheside.“Makeyourselfbigandscary.Let’sbeloud.”
Hecouldbeloud.Icouldn’tdoanythingbutsuckinstrawfulsofoxygenandtrynottopassout.
WestonmovedourarmsaroundandtalkedtothemountainlionwhileItrembledhelplessly.
“Getthefuckoutofhere,cat,orI’mgoingtomakearugoutofyou,”heboomed.“You’lllookniceatmyfrontdoor.I’llwipemybootsonyoueveryfuckingday.”
Themountainlionlickeditslips.
“Yeah,youdon’tlikethatidea?Thenrunalongnow,kitty.Weknowyou’rebigandbad,wegetit.Butwe’rebiggerandbadder,youfuck.”
Headtilt.
Whatdidthatmean?
Ohgod.
“You’renotevenareallion.Nobody’sscaredofyou.You’rejustanovergrownhousecat.Didyouloseyourballofyarn?Gocrytotheotherkittiesaboutitandleaveusthefuckalone!”
Westonkepton,threateningthedangerousanimalwhileitcalmlystaredbackathim,unfazedbythemadmaninitsforest.
Sweatprickedmyforehead.Myheartthrashed,morewildthanthemurderouskitty.Mykneesweresoweak,Icouldbarelystand.ButWestonheldmeup.Hisarmkeptmesecureagainsthischest,lendingmethesmallest,barestsenseofsafety.
Westoncontinuedyellingabouttheviolentplanshehadforthemountainlionwhilestrokingmycheekwithunimaginablegentleness.
Weweregoingtodieahorrible,painfuldeath.Everysecondthatpassedandthemountainlionremainedunbothered,theendcrawledcloser.
Themountainliontookastep.
Mybreathcaught.
Weston’sarmtightened.
Anotherstep.
Thenanother.
Butnottowardus.
Slowly,lazily,itslinkedacrossourpath,itsearstwitchingasitlistenedtous.Itdisappearedintothetrees,butIdidn’tfeelanyrelief.
“Weneedtogo,”Westonordered.“Startwalking,baby.”
“Itcouldbeoutthere,”Iwhispered.
“Itcould.Butwecan’tstayhere.Weneedtostartwalking.”
Hehadapoint.Stayingherewasn’tagoodidea.Wewereprobablyinthemountainlion’sturforsomething.
Somehow,Igotmyfeettowork.Itrudgedforward,onhighalert,myheadwhippingbackandforth,searchingforthemountainlion.Howwasthisreal?Thiscouldn’tbereal.
Westonstayedbehindme,holdingmyshoulders.Hekepttalkingtome,makingnoise.IknewIshouldhavebeenhelping,makinguslouder,butthatwasn’thappening.Fearhadcloggedmythroat.
Hesqueezedmyshoulders.“I’mnotgoingtoletanythinghappentoyou,Elise.You’resafewithme.Allyouhavetodoiskeepwalking.Justkeepwalking.I’vegotyou.”
Intherecessesofmymind,Irememberedreadingthatmountainlionslikedtoattackfrombehind.Theyusuallywentforthebackoftheirprey’sneck.ThatwaswhyWestonwasstayingbehindmeandnotleadingmeout.Hewasprotectingme,puttinghimselfbetweenmeandpotentialdanger.
“Thankyou,”Iwhispered.
“Don’tthankmenow.You’reindeeptroublewhenwegetoutofhere.Andwewillbegettingoutofhere,Elise.”
Suddenly,Iwishedforthemountainliontoreappear.Anice,deeppuncturewoundwaspreferabletoalecturefromWestononhowstupidI’dbeentocomeouthereonmyown.
Whenwemadeitoutofthetreesandintothecanyon,Ishouldhavefeltsafer,butIcouldn’tbringmyselftocalmdown.Mybodywasonhighalert,fightorflightactivated.
Formiles,Westonheldontome.Hetalkedtome,notjustaboutthemountainlion,butaboutthescenery,hisfavoritespotstocamp,randomtidbitsaboutAndes,anythingandeverything.
Oncewereachedthemeadows,hemademestoptodrinkwaterandtuggedmyhatdownonmyhead.Thesunhadmovedacrossthesky,slowlydippingatthehorizon.Soon,itwouldbedusk.Weneededtobeoutofhere.
“Weshouldkeepgoing.”
Westonsteppedforwardandcuppedmyfaceinhisbig,roughhands.“Wewill.Ineedyoutocatchyourbreath,though.Calm,baby.Everythingisallright.”
Iturnedmyfacetotheside,breakinghishold.“I’llcalmdownwhenwe’reintheparkinglot.”
Palmingthetopofmyhead,hesearchedmysweaty,overheatedface.Forthefirsttimeever,Ididn’tcarehowIlookedtohim.
“Thenlet’sgetgoing.”Hegrabbedmyhand,keepingafirmhold,andstartedoffdownthetrailagain,pullingmewithhim.
Eventually,purposetookover,movingmylegsfaster.Istayedathisside,andwewereabletopickupourpace.Duskwascoming,butwewouldbeatit.Weweregoingtogetoutofhere.
Theparkinglotwasahead.Afewcarswereleft,includingWeston’s,rightbesidemySUV.
“Almostthere,baby.Almostthere.”
ItwasthenInoticedthetremorinhishand.Myeyesflickedtothesideofhisface.Hisjawwasclenchedtight,themusclesflexingoverandover.
“Weston—”
“Notnow,”hegritted.
Assoonasourfeethitthegravelparkinglot,Westontuggedmetowardmyvehicle.
“Keys,Elise.”
“They’reinmybackpack.”
I’dintendedtoswingmybackpackaroundtodigthemout,butWestonwasfaster,unzippingthefrontpocketbeforeIcouldmove.Metalclinked,thenhehadtheminhisgrasp,usingtheremotetounlockmydoors.Heopenedthebackseat,tossedmybackpackin,andstuckmykeysinhispocket.
Hisarmsfoldedacrosshischest.Hestaredatmewithoutspeaking,movingtowardmeuntilmybackhitthedriver’ssidedoor.
Leaningforward,hebracedahandontheglassbesidemyhead.“Whatthefuckwereyouthinking?IfIhadn’tbeenthere—”Hebrokeoff,hiseyesslammingshut.
“Iknow,Iknow.Idon’tknowwhatwouldhavehappened.”Iraisedmyshakinghandstohisheavingchest.“Thankyouforbeingthere.”
Hiseyesflashedopenandzeroedinonme.“I’veneverbeenmorepissedoffatyou.”
“Iwishyouweren’t.”MyfingersballedhisT-shirtinatightgrip.“Please,Weston,don’tbemadatme.”
Hebentdown,hisnosealmostbrushingmine.“I’msofuckingangry,Elise.YouhavenoideawhatIwanttodowithyourightnow.”
Iinhaled.Hishotbreathhitmylips.Awild,franticcurrentflowedinthenarrowspacebetweenus.Adrenalinecoursedthroughmybloodstream.Mymindscrambled.
Thenhewasonme,orIwasonhim.Therewasnotellingwhomovedfirst.Wecollided,ourlipssuctioningtooneanother,histonguedelvingintomymouth.Fingersthreadedthroughmyhair,tuggingmyheadback.Hekissedmehard,violent,andIclawedathim.
Shovingupthebackofhisshirt,Idugmyfingersintohisbareskin.Themusclesalongsidehisspineweretautanddefined,andhisskinwasslickwithperspiration.Hegruntedintomymouthandpushedmeharderintothedoor.
Isuckedonhisbottomlipuntilhetoreitawayandbitatmine.Mykneesthreatenedtobuckle,butIhadnowheretogo.Westonhadmepinnedtight.Hewasn’tlettingmefall.
Hishandtraveledfrommyhairtomythroatasheravagedmymouth.Isuckedonhistongueandtiltedmypelvistowardhis,trappinghiserectionagainstmystomach.
Withagroan,hegrabbedmybreast,kneadingithard,vicious,thenletitgotoslipintotheVofmyshirtandundermysportsbra.Hetookmynipplebetweenhisfingers,pinchingandrollingit.Therewasnothinggentleabouthistouch.Hewasgreedyandangryandtakingitoutonme.
Withoutwarning,heyankedmeforward,walkedmetotheside,andpushedmeintotheopenbackseat.AssoonasIwasflatonmyback,hefelloverme,wedginghishipsbetweenmypartedthighs,hissolidweightsettlingonme.
Myshirtwasruckedup,sportsbranext,andhismouthwasonmybreasts,takingmynipplebetweenhislipsandsucking.
Wetheatsurroundedmynipples.Mymouthdropped.MylashesflutteredasIthreadedmyfingersthroughhissweat-dampenedhair.Hesuckedhardbutlickedsoft.Hegroanedagainstmyflesh,likejustthetasteofmewasgettinghimoff.
Mybackarchedandhipsrose,furtherwedginghiscockagainstme.Herockedashesucked,hittingmyclitthroughthethinfabricofmyleggingsandunderwear.
Wegrappledwitheachother,exploringskinthathadbeenforbidden.We’dbeenunleashed,andtherewasnoplaceoff-limitsanymore.Ourcoreswerelockedtogether,grindingandseekingheat,friction,more
Myhandventureddownthebackofhispants,andIgraspedhisflexingass,pressinghimintome.Thickandhardassteel,Iachedtoknowwhathewouldfeellikeslidingintome.Wouldithurt?
Hurtsogood.
Westonmadeclaimingsucksallovermybreastsandchest.Hardenoughtosurelyleavemarksbehind.AndIwantedit.
Myheartraced.Iwasfrantic,buzzing,crazedforhim.Hewasjustascrazed,touchingme,ruttingagainstme,kissingmeeverywhere.
“Weston,”Imurmured.“Please,West.”
“Youhavetotellmewhatyouneed,”hegroundout.
“Ineedyouinsideme.”
Heshovedhisfaceintomythroatanddraggedhistonguefrommycollarbonetomyearlobe.“Takeyourpantsoff,baby,butdon’texpectmetobegentle.”
“Idon’twantgentle.”
Hepulledbackenoughformetoliftmyhips.Mythumbshookedintothewaistbandofmyleggings,myhandsshakingfromtheanticipationofhavinghiminsidemeforthefirsttime.Thesoundofhisheavingbreathspurredmeon.
Thenoureyesmet.
AndIfroze.
Hedidtoo.
Realitysnuckbetweenus.
Whatwerewedoing?ThiswasWeston.Icouldn’thavesexwithhiminaparkinglot.Ohgod.Istaredbackathiminhorror.Heflinchedlikehe’dbeenslapped.
Somewherebehindhim,voicescarriedthroughtheearlyeveningair.
Withthatveryrealreminderwewereinpublicandnowherenearalone,webothsprangintoaction.Westonflewoffmeandoutofthebackseat.Isatup,yankingmyshirtovermybreastsandcoveringmymouthwithmyhand.WhathadIdone?
Thiswasn’tme.Ididn’tmakeimpetuousdecisionsorlosecontrol.IthoughtthingsthroughbeforeIacted.IfI’dthought,evenforasecond,abouttheconsequencesofmakingoutwithmyboss,whohappenedtobemybrother’sbestfriend,mylipsneverwouldhavetouchedhis.
WhenIfinallyclimbedoutofthebackseat,WestonwaspacingatthebackofmySUV,hishandsclaspedontopofhishead.
IwishedIcouldhavedrivenoffwithoutsayinganything,butsincehewasbehindmycarandstillhadmykeys,Ihadnochoice.
“I’mgoingtogo.”
Heturned,facingme.Ourgazesclashed,andIwantedtocowerawayfromhim
“Youcan’tdoanythinglikethisagain.”Hishandswereonhiships.“Doyouhaveanyideahowcrazyyoumakeme?Youcan’tbeoutherebyyourself.Youwereasleep.Anythingcouldhavehappenedtoyou.”
Heflunghisarmstotheside,pacingbackandforthagain.Hewasfrustratedwithme,butIwasfrustratedwitheverything.AllIwantedtodowasdriveawaysoIcouldstartthinkingclearly,andmaybepretendthelastfifteenminuteshadn’thappened.ItwaskindofimpossiblewithWeston’skiss-swollenlipsandhairmussedfrommyfingersrightinmyfriggingface.
Hestoppedtwofeetawayfromme.“Ireallyfuckinghopetodayillustratedmypoint.Promisemeyouwon’tdoahikelikethisaloneagain.”
Mybreastsstillachedfromhowhardhe’dsuckedonthemandhewaslecturingme.Thismanwasamachine,shuttingdownhisfeelingswithoutblinking.
“Yourpointhasbeenmade,Ipromise.”Iswipedmysweatyhandsonmystretched-outshirt.“I’dliketogonow.”
Hiseyesnarrowedonme,andforalong,drawn-outmoment,hedidn’tmove.Thenheheldhishandout,mykeysinhispalm.Isnaggedthemfromhim,myfingertipsgrazinghisskin.Mybreathcaught,andheglaredatme.
“Thanksfornotlettingmedie.”
Hisglaremorphedintoadeepscowl.“Gohome,Elise.”
ThatwasexactlywhatIwasgoingtodo.
Saoirseblinkedatme.“No.”
Inodded,pickingupmysecondglassofwine.“Yes.”
Wewereontheroofofourbuildingwithtwobottlesofwineandapileofsnacks.I’djustspilledeverythingthathadhappenedonmyhiketoday.
Sheshookherhead.“Whowouldhavethoughtbeingstalkedbyamountainlionwouldbethesecondmostoutrageousthingtohappentoyoutoday?”
Isnortedalaugh.“Ican’tbelieveImadeoutwithWeston.WhatintheworldwasIthinking?”
IwouldhavethoughtI’ddreameditifnotforthehickeyshe’dleftbehind.Mybreastsweremottledwithhismarks.Whywasthatsohot?
“Youweren’t.Itwasoneofthose‘ohmygod,Ialmostdied,letmejumponthismantoreaffirmI’mstillalive’typeofthing.Itdoesn’thavetomeananything.”
Igulpeddownmorewine.Thisrecaprequiredalot.“Butit’sWeston.”
Hernodwassolemn.“Yeah.Igetit.AnythingwithWestonalwaysmeansmore.”Shepiledtwopiecesofcheeseonacracker.“Well,wasitgood?”
Irolledmyeyesandsankdowninmylounger.“Itwaswild.Hekissedlikehe’ddieifhedidn’t.”
Shesighed,sinkingdownbesideme.“Holyshitake,what’sthatlike?”
“Like…Idon’tknow,ittookmeover.Iwasn’tElise.Iwasthissensualbeingwhowasn’tthinkingaboutmyrollsorifhecouldseemystretchmarks.Itwasmeandhim,andnothingelsematteredoutsideofourconnection.”Islappedmyforehead.“WhydidIhavetokisshim?NowIhavetolivetherestofmylifeknowingkissinglikethatexists.”
Sheraisedaneyebrow.“YouneverhadthatwithPatrick?”
Guiltswampedme.Theanswerwaseasytogive.I’dlovedPatrick.I’dworkedhardatourrelationship,hadgivenitmyall.Oursexlifehadbeenhot,andhe’dtakencareofmyneedseverysingletime.Butno,thoseout-of-controlmomentsinthebackofmySUVhadbeenhotterthanthefouryearsIspentwithPatrickcombined.
“Never.Notonce.”
Hershouldersslumped.“Damn.AndWeston’sano-go,huh?”
Mymouthtwisted,anddamnifmyeyesdidn’tburnalittle.“EvenifheandIweren’timpossible,Itrulythinkhegotcaughtupinthemoment.I’veseenthewomenhedates.They’renothinglikeme.”
Shewavedhercrackeratme.“Gofuckyourself,Lise.He’dbeluckytohaveawomanashotasyou.”
“He’shadwomententimeshotter.Ipromiseyou,he’snotlackingbeautifulcompany.Haveyouseenhim?”
Shegavemeanincredulouslook.“Haveyouseenyou?Westonishot,buthonestly,honey,youmightbehotter.Withyourtitstittingallovertheplace,thatass,yourstunningbrowneyes,bigpuffylips…comeon.”
“I’marealist,babe.IknowI’mattractive.”Saoirse’seyesflared.Attractiveobviouslywasn’tgoodenoughforher.“Okay,I’mpretty.ButIalsoknowfirsthandnoteveryoneisintowomenwithbodieslikemine.LookatPatrick.”
“Patrickwashotforyou.Hewasalsoadick.”
Isighed.“Yeah,hewasbothofthosethings.”
“YousaidWestonwashardasarock.”
Itookanotherlongpullofmywine.“Sohard,”Iwhispered,flashingbacktothefeelofhimrockingagainstme.
Shesnappedherfingers.“Sogofuckyourselfwiththe‘noteveryone’sintobodieslikemine.’AsfarasIknow,you’renotplanningongangbanging‘everyone.’WestonAldrichisclearlyintoyourbody,honey.Don’ttrytotalkyourselfoutofthefacts.”
Mybrowpinched.“Ithink…Idon’twanttotalkaboutthisanymore.”
“Fine.”Sheslappedherthighs.“Let’stalkaboutyourdatewithThomastomorrownight.Maybeyoushouldmakeoutwithhimtoo.Forscience.”
Isnortedalaugh,happyaboutthesubjectchange.“Oh,well,ifit’sforscience…”
Twobottlesofwinelater,Iwashappilytipsyandhadpushedthehottestmake-outsessionofmylifeoutofmyhead.
Mostly.
Okay,notevenalittle.ChapterThirteen
Weston
“Youneedtorelax.”Lucapushedmydrinktowardme.“Drinkup.Youhaveanotherlongweekstaringyouintheface.”
Ipickedupmyglass.“I’mrelaxedasIget.”
Elliotchuckledandleanedbackinhisseat.“Whichisn’trelaxedatall.”
Lucashothimalook.“Pot,meetkettle.”
Elliotslunganarmoverthebackofhischair.“I’mrelaxed.JustbecauseI’mnotoutridingmotorcyclesandgoingtohousepartieslikeafuckingfratboydoesn’tmeanI’mincapableofrelaxing.”
ItwasSunday.ElliothadjustarrivedhomefromhisDubaitriptwodaysprior.He’dspenttheafternoonwithhissister.Tonight,thethreeofushadgonetodinner,andnowwewerehavingafewdrinksatabarweoftenfrequented
Lucahelduphisbeer.“There’snoneedforyoutobejealousofmyactivesociallife.JustbecauseIhavemorethantwofriendsdoesn’tmeanIdon’tloveyouguysthemost.”
Elliot’seyesrolled.“AsifI’minsecureaboutmyplaceinyourheart.I’mfirmlywedgedinthere.”
Lucawinkedathimandpattedhischest.“Forlifers,bro.”
“Pleasedon’tsaybro.Orlifers.Itoffendsme.”Itippedbackmybourbonandsoda,finishingitoff.
“Speakingof.”Lucanoddedtosomeonenearthebar.“There’sCeleste.Lookslikeshe’sgotsomefriendswithher.”
“Oh,Celeste,”Isaiddrolly.“Ihavenoideawhothatis.”
Lucabackhandedmyarm.“ItookhertotheSavianobenefit.Youmether.Auburnhair,hotbody,sucksdicklikeshe’sbeingpaidforit.”
Elliot’sbrowwinged.“Wasshe?”
Lucaraisedhisglassincheers.“Fuckoff,oldman.I’veneverpaidforalayinmylife.That’sastrictlyvolunteerposition.”Hehoppedupfromhisseat.“I’mgoingtobringthemover.”
Igroaned.ThewomenwhoflockedaroundLucawerealwaysthemostinsufferable.Gorgeous,obviously,butIneededmorethanaprettyfacetokeepmeinterested,andthatwasallmostofLuca’swomenoffered.
Elliotangledhimselftowardme.“Youneversaid,didyoucatchupwithEliseonherhikeyesterday?”
IhappenedtobetalkingtoElliotwhenElisehadtextedwhereshewasspendingherdayyesterday.Somethinghadcomeoverme—panicwasprobablytheword—andI’dfollowedher.She’dbeeneasytofindandhadn’tnoticedmebehindheruntilI’dmademyselfknown.
Ididn’tletevenanounceofguiltflickeracrossmyface.“No.Wemusthavemissedeachother.”
Ifshehadn’ttoldherbrotheraboutwhathadhappenedyesterday,Iwouldn’tbetheonetodoit.Notthemountainlion.Definitelynotwhathadhappenedafter.
Heshookhishead.“Ican’tbelieveshewentoutonherownagain.NexttimeIseeher,I’mgoingtothrottleher.I’dintendedtothismorning,butshe’dbeensothrilledbythepresentsI’dbroughtbackforher,Ididn’thavethehearttoyellather.
“Whatdidyougether?”
“Alittlegoldcamel,apinkPashmina,andsomesandart.Nothingbig,butyouknowElise.Thosekindsofthingsmakehersqueal.It’sfungivingherpresents.Shealwayshasthesecute,over-the-topreactions.”
IthadbeenyearssinceI’dopenlygivenEliseanything,butIhadn’tforgotten.Herfacealwaysturnedbrightpinkandthedimpleinhercheekpoppedwhenshebeamed.Therewerehugs.Somanyhugs,andusuallykissesonthecheeks.
IunderstoodwhyElliothadn’twantedtoruinthemoment.
Lucaapproachedthetablewithanentouragesurroundinghim.Threewomen,theonewiththeauburnhairhangingoffhisshoulder.
Heintroducedus.“ElliotandWeston,thisisCeleste,Mara,andSarah.Ibeggedthemtojoinusforadrink.Ibasicallyhadtopromisemyfirstborntogetthemtoagree.”
Mara,thebrunette,tookaseatbesideme.Sarah,ablonde,satbesideElliot,whoadmittedlytookavagueinterest.Hedidn’tseemannoyedbytheintruders.
Everyonepairedoff,soIwasforcedtomakesmalltalkwithMara,atwenty-three-year-oldwhoworkedinmarketing.Shehadalottosayonthattopic.Somuch,shedidn’tnoticeI’dcompletelytunedherout,goingovermyweeklyscheduleinmymind.
“Whatdoyoudo?”sheaskedbreathlessly,asthoughshejustranamileinherheels.
“I’magarbageman,”Ideadpanned.
Sheblinked,herlong,thicklashescastingweirdshadowsonherface.“Oh,really?Lucasaid—”
Tuningherout,Iscannedthebarandlandedonabig,redheadedlumberjack-lookingfellow.StandingclosetohimwasEliseLevy.Hebenttowardher,listeningtoherspeak.
Shehadonsnugjeansandatopthatdippedlow,revealingtheupperswellsofhercreamytits.Therewasnotachancethisassholewasn’ttryingtoseewhatwasbeneathhertop.
Ismirkedtomyself.Iknewexactlywhatwasunderthere,anditwasfuckingglorious.
Mysmirkfellawaywhenhebrushedherhairbackfromherfaceandsheleanedintohim.
“Isthatmysister?”Elliotgroundout.
Iturnedbacktothegroup.Everyonehadstoppedtalking.ElliotwaswatchingEliseandherlumberjackthroughnarrowed,pissed-offeyes.
“Oooh.”Lucacoveredhislaughwithhishand.“LittleEliseisonada-ate.”
Elliotwhippedaroundtowardhim.“Whydon’tyousoundsurprised?”
Lucagrinnedwider.“Becauseyoursisterisabeautiful,grownwomanandthisisn’therfirstdatewiththatgentleman.”
Elliot’sirritationatbeingoutofthelooplandedonme.“Didyouknowaboutthis?Whoishe?”
Iturnedmyhandsover,forcingmyselfnottoclenchthem.“That’sThomas.Theymetaweekago.Youshouldgocheckonthem.”
HeshottohisfeetbeforeIevenfinishedmysentenceandstrolledovertohissisterwithafalseairofcasualness.Hewasgoingtomakeamessofthings.Healwaysdidwithguysshedated.Elliothadneverlikedanyofthem.Anditwasn’tsomeweird,incestuousthing.Hewantedthebestforherandhadneveroncethoughtherboyfriendshadqualifiedasthat.
Therewasnopartofmethatwantedtowatchthis.ElliotandEliseweregoingtoenduppissedateachotherandhe’dmostlikelypushherfurtherintothelumberjack’sarms.It’swhathadhappenedwhenhe’ddisapprovedofherlastboyfriend.
We’dlostherforthreeyearsandwereonlynowgettingherback.
Thegirlbesideme—god,I’dalreadyforgottenhername—pressedherhandtomyinnerthigh.“Youwerekiddingaboutbeingagarbageman,weren’tyou?”
Ipickedupherhand,holdingitforabeat.“WhywouldIjokeaboutthatkindofthing?”
Shecurledherfingersaroundmineandletoutalaughthatdidn’tcomeclosetosoundingreal.“You’refunny.Lucasaidyou’refunny,andyouare.”
Islippedmyhandfromhersandexcusedmyselftotherestroom.AssoonasElliotwasfinishedwithhisintimidationtactics,Iwouldbesayingmygoodbyesandheadingout.Iwasgettingtoooldandimpatienttohangoutwithrandom,vapidwomenonaSundayeveningwhenIhadnointentionoftakingthemtobed.
Leaningagainstthewallinthebathroomhall,IrepliedtoanemailfromRenataaboutmyandElise’striptoCaliforniaattheendoftheweek.Ihadjusthitsendwhensomeoneroundedthecorner.
Myheadshotup,andIlockedeyeswithared-cheekedElise.Herstepsstuttered,andsheslowed,warinesspullingathersoftfeatures.
“Whatareyoudoing?”sheasked.
Istraightened,takingastepinherdirection.“Icouldaskyouthesame.You’reonadate?”
“Yes.”Shefoldedherarmsunderhertits,whichdidnothingtoclearmyhead.IblamedthatasIclosedinonheruntilherbackhitthewall,knockingagaspfromherchest.
“Why?”
Sheraisedherdefiantlittlechin.“BecauseheaskedandIlikehim.”
Itippedmyheaddown,bringingmymouthbesideherear.Backandforth,Irubbedmylipsagainsthervelvetlobe.Ashiverwentthroughher,andherchestrose,pressingintomine.
“Elise…”Myteethnibbledalongherlobe,thenmytonguelickedapatharoundtheshellofherear.Herarmsfelltothebottomofmyshirt,graspingitwithbothhands.
Idrewmytonguealongthesoftlineofherjaw.“Doesyourdatehaveanyideayouwerewrithingundermeonlyyesterday?”
Shesuckedinasharpbreath.“Stopit,Weston.Don’ttalkaboutthat.”
Bracingmyhandbesideherhead,Ipulledbacksowewereeyetoeye.Thepositionremindedmeofwhenshewastrappedagainsthercar.
WhenI’dtrappedher.
“WhatdidElliotthinkofyourboyfriend?”
Hernostrilsflared.“Youknowhe’snotmyboyfriend.YoualsoknowElliotdislikedhimimmediately.”
“Maybeyouhavebad,badtasteinmen,Elise.”Ipickedupapieceofherhair.She’dmadeitwavy,butitwasstillassilkyasalways.“Whyisthat?”
Sheraisedherchinalittlemore,bringinghermouthalmostlevelwithmine.Icouldhavekissedher,andshewouldn’thavestoppedme.
Thatwasn’toffthetable.
“MaybeI’veonlyknownbad,badmensincemyfatherdied.Menwhowouldstalktheirbestfriend’ssister,makeoutwithherinthebackseatofherSUV,thentrapherinadarkhallwayandlickherneck.”
Myfreehandshotuptocupherjaw.“That’sthething,Elise.Youcouldhavemovedawayfrommeatanymoment.You’rechoosingtostay.”
Ipressedmyerectionagainsthersoftness,pullingaraspybreathfromherlips.Hereyesdartedtothesidethenbacktome.
“Whyareyoudoingthis?”shewhispered.
“Whyareyouonadatetonight?”Ishotback.
Hertonguedartedout,lickingherbottomlip,leavingitshiny.“Idon’tknowhowtohandleyouwhenyou’relikethis.”
“Likewhat?”
Herbreathshuddered.Shetriedtoturnherheadtotheside,butItightenedmygriponher,keepingherinplace.
“Weston…”
“Likewhat,Elise?”
Herdarkeyesflickedtomine.“Likeyou’rejealous.”Shelookedaway.“Asifyouweren’tjusttouchingabeautifulwoman.Asifyouweren’tholdingherhandafewminutesago.”
“What?”Ittookmeamomenttounderstandwhatshewastalkingabout.
Luca’sgirl.
Itwasonthetipofmytonguetodenyit,butwhy?Iwaspissedshe’dshownupherewiththatman.Whywasshedraggingitout?Itwascleartherewasnochemistrythere.Iftherewas,shewouldn’thavekissedmebackyesterday.
ButIhadnoroomtobepissed.Elisewasn’tmine,norwouldsheeverbe.
“You’reright.Iwasdoingthat,whichmeansIshouldn’tbeherewithyou.”AsenseofhonorfinallycameovermeandIlethergo.“YoumightthinkI’mabadman,andmaybeIam,butIwouldneverbebadtoyou.”
AsIbackedawayfromher,shepulledherselfoffthewallandsmoothedherpalmsdownherhips.“Weston…”
Ijerkedmychintowardthemouthofthehall,dismissingher.“Gobacktoyourboyfriend.Idon’thavetimeforthis.”
Sheflinchedatmycaustictonebutdidn’thesitatemorethantwoheartbeatsbeforescramblingawayfrommebackintothebar,leavingasubtlecloudofhersweet,floralfragrance.
Ifinallygotmyheadonstraight.
Iwasbeingstupid,makingthoughtlesschoicesthatwouldonlyendindisaster.Thatwasn’tme,anditwouldn’tcontinue.
Tomorrow,I’dsetusbothstraight.ChapterFourteen
Elise
NoPost-itswereonmydeskthismorning.
NotthatI’dexpectedany.
KissingWestonhadprobablyscrewedupourchancesofhavingalight,funfriendshiplikeweusedto.Inmymind,Iwantedtoputtheblameonhim,butitwasjustasmuchmyfault.Lastnight,whenhehadmepinnedagainstthewallinthebar,Icouldhaveleft.Hehadn’tbeenholdingmecaptive.
Despitethefactthatanyonecouldhaveseenuslikethat,includingmydateandmybrother,thosedangershadn’tcrossedmyminduntillater.IthadbeenallWeston’stongueonmyskin,hisdickproddingmybelly,hisbodyloomingovermine.Forthosebreathlessmoments,hehadconsumedme.
Inthecoldlightofday,IunderstoodhowcarelessI’dbeen.
ThiswasWeston.Myboss.Elliot’sbestfriend.Nothinglikethatcouldhappenagain.
AssoonasIturnedonmycomputer,Iloggedintomyemail.ThereatthetopwasonefromWestonAldrich,CEO.
To:eliselevy@andesinc.com
From:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
DearElise,
Pleaseseemeinmyofficeat9:30thismorning.
Thankyou.
Cordially,
Weston
Igroaned,cuppingmyfaceinmyhands.Ihadfifteenminutestoruminateandfretoverthis.Itcouldbenothing.OurtriptoCaliforniawascomingup.Perhapsthatwaswhathewantedtodiscuss.Ihopeditwasandwecouldgetbacktoourprofessionalrelationship.
Please,please,pleaseletthisnotbeaboutthekissing.ThatwasthelastthingIwantedtotalkabout.
“What’swrong,Lisie?”
Ilookedup,findingMilesperchedinhisfavoritespotontheedgeofmydesk.
“Headache,”Ianswered.Itwasn’tuntrue.Itwashisbrotherwhowasdrivingtheicepickintomyhead.
“Wildweekend,eh?Inevertookyouforapartygirl.Youshouldhaveinvitedmeout.IlivenupeveryroomIenter.”
Isquintedathim.“Really?Isthattheonlyreasonapersonmighthaveaheadache?”
Hetappedhischin.“Inmyexperience,it’sthemostcommonreason.”
“Whichsaysalotaboutyou,Miles.”
“You’resassyonthissunnyMondaymorning.It’sverybecomingonyou.”Hewavedhishandinavaguecirclearoundme.“Thiswholethingisworkingforyou.Ilikethatyouhaven’tsuccumbedtowearingAndesliketheothercarboncopieswhoworkhere.”
Iworeyellowtoday,hopingthesunnyshadewouldputmeinabettermood.Sofar,itwasn’tworking.Itwouldtakemorethanmyfavoritecardigantopullmeoutofthisslump.
“Thankyouforsayingso.Ifyouwanttoknowthetruth,Ididbuysomethingsfromthecompanystore,butIcan’tbringmyselftowearsportswearintheoffice.”Igrimaced.“Ijustcan’tdoit.”
Milessmoothedhishandoverhistailoredvest.“It’syouandmetotheend,Lisie.Youwon’tcatchmedeadwearingAndestowork.Itwillneverhappen.”
MyphonestartedringingbeforeIcouldreply.Milesmadenomovetoleave,soIansweredit.
“Goodmorning,thisisElise.”
“Hello,Elise.Westonaskedmetoremindyouofyourappointment,”Renatabreezedout.
Myeyesclosed,andIsighed.“Ihaven’tforgotten.I’llbethereat9:30sharp.”
Hervoicedropped.“Hedoesn’tmindifyou’reearly.Infact,Iwouldsuggestit.He’spacinginsidehisofficelikealioninthezoo.”
Anothersigh.“Fine.I’llberightup.”
Withmyagreement,shehungupwithoutsayinggoodbye.Ireplacedmyphoneandpushedmychairbacktostand.
“Haveyoubeensummoned?”Milesasked.
“Ihave.”Istartedtotouchmyhairtomakesureitwasallinplacebutdecidednottocare.
“Ismybrothergivingyouahardtime?”
Igrabbedmyphone,tuckingitinthepocketofmyA-lineskirt.“He’sjustbeingWeston.”
Milesscoffed.“So,that’sayes.”Heshovedoffmydesk,walkingwithmetotheelevator.“Don’tlethimtrodalloveryou,Lisie.Whenhegetsinhismoods,heforgetsotherpeoplehavefeelingstoo.”
He’dbehavedthatwaylastnight,tauntingmeinthathallway.Jealousy,orsomethingclosetoit,haddrivenhimtopissallovermewithoutanyregardforhowitwouldaffectme.
“Don’tworryaboutme.”Ipattedhischest.“Don’tyouhaveworktodo?”
HejumpedbackasifI’dscaldedhim.“Jeez,whydoyouhavetoremindmelikethat?I’mbeingallsupportiveandallyoucantalkaboutiswork.What’supwiththatcruelty?”
IlaughedeventhoughIwasn’tfeelingparticularlycheerful.“Shutup,Miles.”
Hesteppedcloser,pokingmydimple.“Nicesmile.”
Igavehimashove.“Goaway.”
“Youwish.”
HestayeduntilIwasontheelevator,wavingatmeasthedoorsslidclosed.Ishookmyhead,stillsmilingalittleathisantics.Whenhewaslikethat,itwaseasytoforgethe’dmademylifemiserableforyears.
Thenagain,I’dchangedintheeightyearssincegraduation.Milesobviouslyhadtoo.Holdingontooldhurtshadgottenmenowhere.Ihadtoletgoofitforthesakeofkeepingthepeaceatwork.Itwoulddomenogoodtobeangryathimuntiltheendoftime.
Ihadn’tbeenuptotheexecutivefloor.Here,therewereofficesinsteadofopenspaces.Thereceptionistdirectedmedownaquiethallway.Weston’sofficewasinthecorner.
Renata’sdeskwasoutsidehisopendoor.HerseriousmouthflattenedasIapproached.Thoughwe’dspoken,wehadn’tmetinpersonyet.Lookingather,IrealizedshewastheolderwomanI’dseenwithWestoninthecafeteriaonmyfirstdayhere.
“Elise?”Mynamecameoutlikeasnap,sharpandprecise.
“Yes,it’snicetomeetyou.”
Thecornersofhereyespinched.“That’sfine.He’sexpectingyou.Goinsideandclosethedoorbehindyou.”
“Closethedoor?”
Shegesturedtoherdesk.“Please.Ihaveabusymorning.Idon’thavetimetolistentoWestonexpelwhateverbugcrawleduphisbutttoday.”
Isputtered,shockedatthewayshewasspeakingaboutourmutualboss.Shestaredbackatmewithunimpressed,dark,beadyeyes.
“Goonthen.”Shenoddedtowardhisdoor.“Don’tkeephimwaiting.”
Despitebeingdirectedtogostraightin,Iknockedfirst.Frominside,Westonbarkedformetoenter.IwasbeginningtothinkWestonandRenatawereamatchmadeinheaven.Theyprobablyspentthedayshoutingbackandforthateachother.
Islippedinside,shuttingthedoorbehindme.Westonstoppedpacingbehindhisdesktostareatme.Glower,really
Thiswasabadstart.
“Goodmorning,”Isaid.
Bracinghishandsonhisdesk,heleanedforward.“Doyouknowwhyyou’rehere?”
Itwinedmyfingerstokeepfromfidgeting.I’dknownthismanmostofmylife,buthestillmanagedtointimidateme.Underhisrelentlessgaze,itwasdifficulttobestillandnotbowmyhead.Iwasn’tevenahead-bowingkindofgirl.
“Well,whenIreadyouremail,IassumedyouwantedtodiscusstheCaliforniatrip.Now,I’mnotsosure.”
“Sitdown,Elise.”
Iwalkedforwardandtookaseatinoneofthetwochairsinfrontofhisdesk.Heremainedbracedasifhewasgoingtospringatmeatanymoment.
“Renatawillemailyoutheinformationaboutourtrip.”Hestraightened,crossinghisarmsoverhischest.He’dremovedhisjacketandrolleduphissleeves.Themusclesinhistautforearmsflexed.
“I’mlookingforwardtoit,”Ireplied,determinedtoremainprofessional.Atleastoneofusshouldhavebeen.
“Areyou?”
“Yes.”Inodded.“SalmaandIfoundthreeemployeesI’mgoingtointerviewwhilewe’rethere.I’vebeentradingemailswithone.HisnameisCameronandhe’sanavidrockclimber.Ifwehavetime,I’dliketogowatchhim—”
“Youwon’thavetime.”Hisbrowdroppedintoafierceline.
“Areyousure?Icheckedthescheduleand—”
“I’msure,Elise.Myschedulehasnoleeway.”
Itiltedmyhead,confused.“Iknowthat,butIwasundertheimpressionI’llbedoinginterviewsonmyownwhileyouattendyourmeetings.”
“That’strue,butyou’renotgoingrockclimbingwithsomeguynamedCameronunlessI’mtheretoo.Sincethat’snotpossible,no,youwon’tbeaccompanyinghim.”
Mymouthdroppedopen.WestoncontinuedglaringatmeasthoughI’ddonesomethingheinouslywrong.
“Weston—”
Hescrubbedhishandoverhismouthandstalkedaroundhisdesk,comingtoastopatmyside.“Yousee,thisiswhyIwantedtoseeyou.”
“I’mherenow.”Inoddedtothechairnexttome.“Pleasesit.Idon’twanttospeaktoyouwhileyou’reloomingoverme.”
Hisegowasalmostatangiblething.He’dbeenabossfortoolong.Itwasprobablynexttoimpossibleforhimtotakeorders.
Finally,heloweredhimselfintotheseat,bracinghisankleontheoppositeknee.
“I’mconfused,”Isaid.
“It’ssimple.”Hepaused,rakinghisfingersthroughhishair,makingmethinkitwasn’tactuallysimple.“Whathappenedthisweekendcan’thappenagain.ItwillgetinthewayofmyrelationshipwithElliotandmyworkingrelationshipwithyou.WebarelykissedandI’malreadyhavingboutsofjealousythatareentirelyunwantedand,frankly,Ihavenotimefor.We’llgobacktohowthingswerebeforeandforgetthiseverhappened.”
Ihuffedasoftlaugh.“Webarelykissed?”
ItwasinterestingthatWestonwastryingtorewritehistory.Bothtimeswe’dcrossedtheline,he’dbeentheonetoinitiate,andhe’ddefinitelybeentheaggressor.
Heblinkedatme.“Isthatwhatyou’restuckon?”
“IsupposesosinceIagreewiththerest.Yourjealousyiscompletelyunwanted.”
“Youagree?”
Ididagree.Itwasjust…thisfeltanawfullotlikerejection,anditstung.Ithadn’tbeenlongenoughformetogetoverthewayPatrickhadevisceratedme,soIwasbeingmoresensitivethannormal.Plus,thiswasWeston.Thefirstkeeperofmyheart.
Thefirstsmashertoo.
“Mmmhmm.Weshouldabsolutelygobacktohowthingswerebefore.”Istackedmyhandsonmylap,smilingpleasantly.Itwasashowandagoodone.“Butwait,which‘before’arewetalkingabout?Theonewithyourplethoraofwomen?WhenyoupulledmeasidetowhisperinmyearthatIwasmakingamistakemovingtoChicago?Howaboutthe‘before’whenmybrotherforcedyoutohavelunchwithme?Oh,wait,maybewhenyousentmeflowerseveryweekandleftcutelittlePost-itsonmydesk.Whichone,Weston?”
“Elise—”Hereachedforme,butIdrewmyhandsaway,causinghisfrowntodeepen.“There’snoneedtoargueifwebothagree.”
“I’mnotarguing.I’maskinghowyouwouldlikemetobehavetowardyou.”
“Professional,”heansweredflatly.
Mystomachlurched,butImadesureitdidn’tshow.IfWestonwantedprofessional,thatwaswhathe’dget.Later,whenIwasalone,Iwouldhavetimetoprocessthisdaggerinmygut.
“Icandothat.Canyou?”
Hisgazeremainedsteadyandunaffected.“Ofcourse.”
“Good.”Ibobbedmyheadonce.“Pleaserememberifwerunintoeachothersocially.”
Hismouthtwitcheddownward.“Whatdoyoumean?”
Iflickedmyhandaround.Lackadaisical.Notacareinthisbrutalworld.“Youknow,ifI’monadateandyouhappentoseeme,don’tcornermeinadarkhallandcarryonaboutmyattractiontobad,badmen.Thatwouldn’tbeveryprofessional.”
Heloweredhischin,fireburninginhisdarkeyes.Hekepthistoneflat,boredeven.“You’reright.Itwouldn’t.Itwon’thappenagain.”
“Fine.”Oh,IhadtogobeforeIgotsad.BeingsadoverWestonwassofiveyearsago.Nowwasdefinitelynotthetime.“Isthereanythingelse?”
Whenhedidn’tanswer,Ihoppedtomyfeetandsmoothedmyhandoverthebackofmyhair.“Ireallyshouldgo.Ihavealottodobeforethetrip.”
ItookthreestepstowardthedoorbeforemyelbowwascaughtandIwasyankedbackagainstWeston’ssolidchest.
“Iknowyoutoowell,”hemurmuredbesidemyear.“I’veupsetyou.”
“Stopit,”Iwhispered.
“Idon’twanttohurtyou.”Henuzzledintomyhair.“Don’tyouknowthat?”
Isqueezedmyeyesshut.“No.”
“Idon’t,Elise.Theselastfewdayshavedrivenmecrazyandcausedmetoactoutsideofmycharacter.I’msorryforthat.Youjustendedaseriousrelationship.ThelastthingIwanttodoishurtyoufurther.”
Ishookmyhead.“Youhaven’t.”
Hismouthwasbesidemyear,whichwastheonlyreasonIheardhissoftgroan.“Iwishthatwastrue.”Heletgoofmyelbowtowraphisarmaroundmymiddle,drawingmefirmlyagainsthim.
“Weston…”Irasped,tornbetweenpullingawayandleaningintohim.“Please.Thisisn’t—”
“Onceyouleavethisoffice,Iwon’ttouchyouagain.Letmefuckinghavethis,baby.Letmeholdyouforaminute,thenyoucango.”
Itwasstupidofmenottoimmediatelywalkouthisdoor,butIdidn’t.Iallowedhimtoturnmetowardhim.Hetookmyfaceinhishandsandcoveredmymouthwithhis.Iheldontothelapelsofhisjacket,whimperingintohismouth.
Hekissedmehard,backingmeintohisdoor.Inthatwaywardmoment,Ididn’tevencarethatRenatamusthaveheardmeclunkagainstit.Westonurgedmymouthopenanddelvedhistongueinside.
Hiskissesweredeep,licking,andhishandsweresure,roamingtomybreasts,myass,palmingmypussy,beforereturningtomybreastsagain.Hekneadedthem,pinchedmynipples,rockedhishipsagainstme.Itwasn’tsordidordirty,thoughitshouldhavebeengiventhelocationandwhoweweretoeachother.
Whatwashappeningbetweenuswasnothinglessthandesperatedesire.AtleastnowIcouldbesureIwasn’taloneinthesefeelings.Westonmusthavecarriedthesameattraction,onewecouldnotacton.
Wehadthis.Thesefewminutestotasteeachother,totouchandgrasp,butthiswasit.Itreallyhadtobe.
Westonreacheddown,gatheringmyskirtinhisfistuntilheexposedmypanties.Hisfingersgrazedoverthesatinmaterialtotheelasticside,hookinginside.Callousedfingertipsgrazedmywetslit.Ourgroanstwinedtogether,lowandbreathlesswithsurprise.Iwidenedmystance,lettinghimin.Thiswashappening.Hewastouchingmypussyinhisoffice.MyWestonwasslidinghisfingersbetweenmylowerlips,findingmyclitswollenandthrobbing.
Whatwashedoingtome?
Thisdidn’tfeellikegoodbye.
Thisfeltlikethebeginningofsomethingnaughtyandoutofcontrol.
Inlessthanaminute,IwassoclosetocomingIforgothowtobreathe.Hekeptgoing,rubbingmewithhisthumb,theotherfingersexploringmyslickheat.
“Letmehaveit,baby,”hemurmuredagainstmylips.“Givemethisonetime.”
Hewasalmostbeggingme,buthedidn’tneedto.Allhehadtodowastouchmelikethat,lookatmehowhedid,andmypleasurewashisforthetaking.
“Giveittome,”hedemanded.
Iwashelplesstodenyhimthis.MyorgasmsweptthroughmewiththepowerofeveryfantasyandounceoflongingI’dcarriedaroundforWestonforyears.Ijerkedandmoanedintohislickingmouth,andheheldmethroughit,strokingmyhairashecontinuedtostrokemyclit.
“That’sagirl,”hepraised.“Sobeautifulwhenyoucome.”
Whenthelasttremorabated,heletmyskirtfall,andhismouthcoveredmine,thistimekissingmeslowly.Thegoodbyeonhistonguewasbittersweet.
Wedrewitoutwithlanguid,somberkissesandslowexplorationoftheplacesoneachotherwewouldnevertouchagain.Everysecondthatpassedshookmyresolve.Givingthisup,nowthatIknewwhathefeltlikeandhowtenderhecouldtrulybe,wouldbedifficult.
Butnecessary.
WeweresnappedbacktorealitybythesoftknockontheothersideofthedoorIwaspressedagainst.Westonraisedhishead,hiseyesglassybutwide.Mybreastswereinhishands.Myhandswereinthebackofhispants.
Heclearedhisthroat.“Yes?”
“Yourtena.m.meeting,Weston.It’stime,”Renatasaid.
“Allright.Twominutes.”
Alongpause,thenhisgazelandedonmine.“Fuck.”
“Yeah.”
Islidmyhandsoutofhispants,andhepeereddownatwhereheheldme,alinebetweenhiseyebrows.Ithoughthe’dletmego,butinstead,hedippedhishead.Igaspedatthefirsttouchofhislipsontheuppercurveofmybreasts.Hepepperedkissesovermychest,payingspecialattentiontothefadingbruiseshe’dlefttwodaysbefore.
Whenhewasfinishedwithme,hecarefullyextractedhishandsandrightedmybra,thenmyblouse,arrangingitneatlyatmyhips.Hescannedme,andwhenhegottomyhair,hecombedhisfingersthroughituntilhewassatisfied.
“Perfect,”hewhispered.
“Thankyou,”Iwhisperedback.
“Ihaveameetingnow.I’dlikeyoutogosoIdon’thavetowalkintotheconferenceroomwithanerection.”
Ilaugheddespitethepitinmystomach.“Okay.”Iglanceddownatthetentinhisimmaculatelytailoredpants.“Goodluckwiththat.”
Irushedoutofhisoffice,avoidingeyecontactwithRenata.Ihadafeelingshe’dhadaprettygoodideaofwhathadgonedown.Luckily,IdoubtedI’dbespendinganymoretimeontheexecutivefloor.Iwouldn’thavetofaceheragain,anditwasagoodthing.
Mystrange…whateverthathadbeen,wasputtorest.Myhearthurt,butsinceithadalreadybeenbruised,itwasimpossibletotellhowmuchhadcomefromWeston.
Thenagain,itwasover,soitdidn’treallymatteranyway.ChapterFifteen
Elise
Ihadflownfirstclassexactlyonce,andthathadbeenwithElliotwhenIleftChicago.
Needlesstosay,thepossibilityofflyingfirstclassonabusinesstriphadn’tcrossedmymind,soIwassurprisedtolearnthatIwaswhenIcheckedin.IwasalsotoldIhadaccesstothefirst-classlounge,andthoughIwascuriouswhatwentoninthere,Idecidedtohangoutintheboardingarea.
Thepeoplewatchinginairportswassecondtonone.NowayI’dgivethatupforafancylounge.Besides,Ihadadelicatetextexchangetodealwith.
LettingdownThomasgentlywasn’tfun.Theworstpartwashowkindhewasaboutit.
Ithadtobedone,though.Prolongingtheinevitablewasn’tfairtoeitherofus.
Stayingoutofthefirst-classloungealsomeantavoidingrunningintoWestonuntilweboardedtheplane.
HewasalreadyseatedwhenIboardedandhisbrowwingedwhenIwalkedbyhimtotakemyseatontheoppositeside,anaisleback.
Ifhehadanythingtodiscusswithme,hecouldsendmeanemail.Therewasnoneedforustobesidebysideforthisflight.We’dbespendingenoughtimetogetheroverthenextfewdaysasitwas.
WhenwelandedinCalifornia,Iwasrelaxedandreadytowork.Westonseemedquitetheopposite,judgingfromhistightshouldersandpissed-offscowl.Withoutspeaking,hestoodbymyrow,gesturingformetogoaheadofhim,thenstayedonmyheelsuntilwewereintheairport.
Hesteppedupbesideme.“Youchangedyourseatingassignment.”
Inodded.I’dlearnedticketagentswerealotmoreaccommodatingwhenflyingfirstclass.“Ilikethewindow.”
“Iwouldhavegivenyouthewindowinmyrow.”
Iflickedmyfingers.“That’sokay.Thiswaywebothhadthewindow.”
“So,youweredoingmeafavorandnotavoidingme?”
“Right.Exactly.”
“I’mrelieved,sinceavoidingyourbossonaworktripwouldbebothchildishandpointless.”
“Thenit’sgoodIjustlikethewindowseat,”Ianswered.“FromwhatIreadonourschedule,we’llbevisitingSimpsonandAssociatesfirst.Theyproduceouterwear,correct?”
“Iftheschedulesaysit,it’scorrect.”
Inoddedsharply,pleasedWestonhadrevertedtohisusualgrumpybossself.GrumpyWeston,Iknewhowtodealwith.SexyWestonwasoutsidemypaygrade.
“I’mlookingforwardtoit.”
I’ddonemyresearchonAndes’productionpractices.Andesdidn’townitsownfactories.Theycontractedwithfactoriesallovertheworld,requiringthemtoadheretoAndes’strictlaborandenvironmentalrules.FourofthefactorieswereinCalifornia,theotherswerespreadaroundAsia,Mexico,andElSalvador.
ItwashonestlyimpressivehowhugeAndeshadgrownwhilestillmaintainingtheirstrictproductionpractices.
Ishouldn’thavebeensurprisedwhenaTeslawasdeliveredtousatthepickupcurb,andWestonclimbedbehindthewheel.Hetookenvironmentalismseriously,fromhiscompany,downtohispersonalhabits.
Weston’sthumbstappedonthewheelashespedawayfromthecity.“Doyouhavequestionsforme?”
Ilookedupfrommytablet,whereI’dbeenreadinguponourfirststop.“Sure.Doyouvisitallyourfactorieslikethis?”
Hescoffed.“Weworkwithmorethanseventysuppliers.Idon’thavethetimetovisitthemalleveryyear,thoughI’vebeeninsideeachandeveryoneatleastonce.”
Iwaitedformoreofananswer.Ihadafeelingitwasn’tsosimple.
Heexhaled,slidinghiseyestome.“Andesemploysfieldstaffwhoareinsidethefactoriesonaregularbasis.Often,I’mtakenonwalk-throughsviavideoconference,andthosehappenatrandom.Iwouldn’tbeabletorunthiscompanyifIhadanydoubtaboutwhoismakingourproducts.”
“Children?”Iguessed.
Henoddedonce.“Exactly.Andesdoesn’tworkwithsupplierswhohaveevenbeenrumoredtousechildorforcedlabor.Ouroversightisextensive,tosome,overthetop,but—”
“Idon’tthinkit’soverthetop.It’sadmirable.”
“It’snecessary.”Hisjawclenched.Hecontinuedtappinghisthumbsonhissteeringwheel.Anotherfewmilespassed,thicksilencefillingthespacesallaroundus.
“Tomorrow,we’llbegoingtothemillthatmakesyourfiller?”
“Yes.They’vebeenwithmesincetheverybeginning.”
“Wow.”Ishookmyhead.“It’scrazytomethatyoustartedallthisattwentyyearsold.WhenIwastwenty,Ispentmostofmytimeeithergettingdrunkatstupidparties,recoveringfromhangovers,orfranticallystudyingforatestthenightbefore.”
Heglancedatmeagain.“That’sexactlywhatyoushouldhavebeendoing.Havingfun,living.It’snotlikeyouhadthechancetodothatwhenyouwereinhighschool.”
“Yeah.”Isankintomyseat.Westondidn’tknowthehalfofit,butthehalfhedidknowwasbad.
Mycrazymother.Herneglect,depression,violentmoodswings…thecarcrashIneveroncedoubtedwasintentional.ThereliefInevervoicedwhenshewasgoneandIdidn’thavetotakecareofher.ThesolacewhenElliotmovedhomeandIcouldfinallybreatheagain.
Westonhadhadafront-rowseattothemadnessofElaineLevy.
“Ishouldn’thavebroughtthatup,”hegruffed.“I’msorry.”
Iwavedhimoff,eventhoughhewasright,heshouldn’thave.“Don’tworry.Iknowyourbosshatisfirmlyinplace,butitwouldbestrangetopretendyoudon’tknowanythingaboutme.”
Heclearedhisthroat,buthiswordscameoutwiththesamegruffness.“Allofthatistrue,butnowisnotthetimetopressonasoresubject.Itwon’thappenagain.”
“You’reforgiven.”
Hisjawtightened.“Thateasy?”
“You’remyboss,Mr.Aldrich.OfcourseIwon’tholdagrudgeagainstyou.”
IsworeIheardhismolarscrack.
Ateamwaswaitingforusatourfirststop.Twomenandawomaninsuits,andamaninkhakisandapolowiththefactorylogoembroideredonhischest.
Asweapproached,thewomanbrokeofffromthegroup.Theslow,perusingsmileshegaveWestonwasindirectcontradictiontotheprofessionalhandshakesheoffered.
Hetookherhandinhis,cuppingitwithhisother.Hiseyescrinkledatthecorners.“It’sgoodtoseeyou,Marisol.”
Sheleanedin,herredlipsglistening.“It’sreallygoodtoseeyou,West.It’sbeentoolong.”
Thiswomanwasstunninglybeautiful.Tallandslender,withcurvyhipsandatiny,nippedwaist,shelookedliketheHollywoodversionofabusinesswoman.Hercigarettetrousersandsilkycreamblousecouldhavecomedirectlyfromthewardrobedepartment.Herglossywaveslookedlikethey’djustbeentouchedupbyherbeautyteam.Iwasn’tevenjealous.Iwassortofdumbfoundedthiswomanexistedinreallife.
“Fartoolong,”Westonagreed.
Afterbasicallyeye-fuckinginbroaddaylight,theyfinallyletgoofeachother,andhegreetedtherestofthegroup.Atthelastminute,heseemedtorememberIwasthereandintroducedmetoeveryone.Theycouldn’thavebeenlessinterestedinme,whichwasfine.Iwasn’thereforthesesuitsanyway.
Ispentthenexttwohourstrailingbehindthegroup,takingnotesaswetouredthefactory.Westonstoppedtotalktomanyoftheworkers,someheknewbyname.Theentiretime,Marisolstayedathisside,findingeveryexcusetotouchhim.
IlearnedshewasheadoftheWestCoastsupplychainforAndes.Obviously,sheandWestonworkedcloselytogether.Iidlywonderedwhatelsethey’ddonecloselytogether.Fromhercasualtouches,Iknew.
Interestingly,WestonhadbreachedhisownprofessionalethicstofuckMarisol.Isupposedtherewerealwaysexceptionstorules—especiallywhentheexceptionlookedlikethat.
Whenitwastimetoleaveforthenextfactory,IheadedtowardWeston’sTesla,stoppinginmymotherflippingtrackswhenMarisoltheBeautifulopenedthepassengerdoorandslippedinside,sittinginmyseatlikeitbelongedtoher.
Athroatclearedbehindme.
Iturnedaround,slammingmyslackenedmouthclosed.DevandJeff,theothertwomanagers,werenexttotheirSUV.
Devopenedthebackpassengerdoor.“You’reridingwithus.”
“Iam?”
IglancedbacktofindtheTeslaspeedingoutoftheparkinglot,andmystomachdropped.Westonhadleftmewithoutsayingaword.He’dactuallyabandonedme.
Thatasshole.
AllIwantedtodowassitdownonthecurbandrefusetogoanywhereuntilhecamebackanddumpedMarisoloutofmyseat.ThenI’ddumphimoutofhisseatandleavehiminthedust.
Instead,IpulledmyselftogetherandclimbedintothebackoftheSUVwiththetwomenwhowerestrangerstome.
Nice.Reallynice.
Severalhours,anotherfactorytour,andatense,silentdrivelater,wearrivedatourhotel.Iwascompletelytrashed,readytocurlupinmybed,orderroomservice,andreadsmutuntilIpassedout.
BecauseWestonwaswhohewas,thehotelmanagermetusinthelobbyandescortedustoourfloor,stoppingatmyroomfirst.AssoonasIhadthekeyinmyhand,Iduckedinside,leavingWestonwiththemanagerinthehallway.
Iwaskindofdonebeingaroundhim.
Beingignoredforalmostanentiredaywoulddothat.
So,yeah.BossWestonsucked.AndseeinghimwithMarisolhadbroughtmebacktothedaysofhisplethoraofwomen.IwonderedwhyI’deverallowedhimtotouchme.Thiswaswhohewas.Hehadn’tchanged.He’donlygottenmorediscreet.
Afterorderingroomservice,ItookashowerandputonthesilkshortiepajamasSaoirsehadboughtmeasaroommategift.
Itwasn’tlate,butIhadnointentionofleavingthisroomtonight.
Iwastoweldryingmyhairwhentherewasasoftknockonthedoor.Mystomachgrowledasifitknewmydinnerwasontheotherside.
Butitwasn’troomserviceknocking.Westonstoodthere,hishandstuckedinthepocketsofhisjeans.
“Oh.”Iwashonestlytakenabacktoseehim,especiallylookingsocasual.“It’syou.”
HisbrowpinchedashetookinwhatIwaswearing.“Hey.Iwantedtoseeifyou’dliketograbdinnerwithme.”
Ituggedonmyflowycamisole,wishingmyshortswerealittlelonger.“Thesearemypajamas.I’minforthenight.”
“Youhavetoeat,”heargued.
“AndIwill.I’mwaitingforroomservice.”
“Oh.”Heglanceddownthehallasifsearchingforsomethingtosay.“Ithoughtwecouldgooveryourthoughtsonhowtodaywentanddiscusstheplanfortomorrow.”
Ishookmyhead.“Ifyou’dlikemythoughts,I’llemailyou.”
Notallmythoughts.IfIemailedthose,Iwouldbefired.
Hedippedhischin.“Areyousure?There’sarestaurantIliketoeatatwheneverI’mintown.It’swalkingdistanceand—”
“I’msure,Weston.Ifyoudon’twanttogoalone,maybeMarisolwilljoinyou.I’msureshe’dbeeagerforit.”
Ashewasabouttospeak,myroomservicearrived.Westonhadtomoveasidetoletthemancarryingmydinnerintomyroom.HeplaceditonthecoffeetableandthankedmewhenItippedhim.
Inthosethirtysecondsofdistraction,Westonhadsteppedintomyroom,closingthedooraftertheserverleft.
Ifrownedathim.“Whatareyoudoing?”
“Areyouangryatme?”heasked.
Withasigh,Isatdownonthesmallcouchandtuckedmylegsunderneathme,holdingapillowinmylap.“No.I’mtiredanddon’twanttoworkfortherestofthenight.”
“Beingaroundmeiswork?”
“Whyareyoupressingthis?”Iheldoutmyhandandletitfallheavily.“Youaskedmetodinnertodiscusswork-relatedtopics.I’mnotinterestedindoingthattonight.Thathasnothingtodowithyouandeverythingtodowithme.”
Hepushedoffthewallbesidethedoorandstrodetowardme.“Isthatright?”
“Itis.”
“ThenwhybringupMarisol?”
“Whywouldn’tI?She’syourcolleagueandyouseemtohavealottosaytoeachother.SomuchsoIhadtorideinanentirelydifferentvehiclewithtwomenIwasintroducedtotoday.I’dthinkyou’dhaveplentytotalkaboutoverdinner.”
Hewentstillfortwoseconds,thenhisheadbowedandhemutteredacurse.“Thatshouldn’thavehappened.Ishouldn’thaveletthathappen.”
“It’sfine,Weston.”
“No,itisn’t.Iaskedyoutocomeouthere.IshouldhavemadesureyouwerecomfortableridingwithJeffandDev.Thatwon’thappentomorrow.”
Itstruckmehardthathedidn’tsayheshouldn’thaveletMarisoltakemyspotinhiscar.WasIoverreacting?Isupposeditwasn’tsoludicrousforWestontodrivehiscoworkerwhileIrodewithothercoworkers.
Butno.Attheveryleast,heshouldhavesaidsomething.Checkedinwithme.Iwasn’tgoingtogaslightmyselfintobelievingithadbeenokayforhimtoditchmewithDevandJeff,someoftheleastdelightfulmenI’devermet.
Iputonmybestsmile.“I’llbepreparedforittomorrow.Nobiggie.”
Hiseyesnarrowed.“Idon’tlikewhenyoudothat.”
“What?”
“Actlikeyou’reokaywhenyouaren’t.”
Ishrugged.“Idon’tknowwhatyou’dlikemetodo.”
Roundingthecoffeetable,hedroppedintothearmchairdiagonaltome.Hesatontheedgeofthecushion,bracinghiselbowsonhisknees.
“Elise.”Hepressedhispalmstogetherandleveledmewithadirectstare.ThenhespoketomelikeIwasachildhavingatantrum.“Ifyoufeltneglectedtoday,oryou’reangryatmeforspeakingtomymanagersandnotyou,you’llhavetoworkthroughthat.Imadeamistakewiththecarsituation,buttherealityisthistripisn’taboutyouandme.I’mheretotouchbasewithmysuppliersandmyWestCoastteam.You’reheretofindcontentandconductinterviewsforthecatalog.That’sit.Thisisn’tasocialtrip.We’renotonvacation.Yougetthat,right?”
Iblinkedathim,unwillingtolethimseehissoftadmonishmentfeltlikeastingingwhipacrossalreadytenderskin.Howdarehebegmetolethimholdmeonelasttimethenbehavelikeithadneverhappened.
“Idogetthat.Doyougetthatyou’reinmyhotelroom,pressingmeeventhoughIaskedyoutostop?I’vetoldyoumorethanonceeverythingisfine,butyou’restillhere,whichIdon’tunderstand.Wouldyouhaveforcedyourwayintoanotheremployee’shotelroom?”
“No,”heuttered.
“Thenwhyareyouinmine?”
“Elise,”hesighed.“Don’tbedifficult.”
“Weston,don’tbeconfusing.Youdrewalinewithme,whichIagreedwith.Ifyouwanttobemyfriendoutsideofwork,fine.Let’sdothat.Butyoucan’tbeatotaldicktomewhenyou’rebeingtheboss.Ifwe’renotgoingtobefriends,thenyoureallyshouldn’tbeinmyhotelroom.”
Hisfacehaddrawnintoadispleasedfurrow.“I’mnotsurewhatyouwantfromme.IsthereanythingIcansaythatwillberight?”
Icrushedthepillowtomychest,tiredandhurtandsocompletelydonewiththisconversation.“HaveyouhadsexwithMarisol?”
Hebarelyflinched,butitwasenough
“Youcango.”Iturnedawayfromhim,staringatthefarwall.ThiswastheexactkindofdramaIhadnospacefor.Andthewildthingwas,Iwashalfthecauseofit.Me,thegirlwhohadsnuckoutofChicagointhemiddleofthenighttoavoidconfrontation.
WestonAldrichseemedtokeepbringingouttheworstinme.
Itwasmaddening.
Butwhenhegotupandquietlyleftmyroom,Ihadtobitemytonguetostopmyselffromaskinghimtocomeback.ChapterSixteen
Weston
Itwaslate.
Midnight.
Sleepeludedme.
IstoodatthedoorseparatingmyroomfromElise’s.Hadshenoticedwehadadjoiningrooms?Morethanonce,I’dpressedmyeartothedoortocheckifIcouldhearhermovinginside.
Silence.
Irestedmyheadagainstthedoor.
I’dscreweduptodayandhadn’tevenrealizeditwhileI’dbeendoingit.WhenIsankintoworkmode,personalrelationshipsdidn’treallyexist.Marisolridingwithmetothesecondsitehadbeennatural.We’dbeendoingitthatwayforseveralyearsnow.Ahabit.
Thatwasnoexcuse.
DevandJeffwereharmless,buttheywerealsogradeAassholeswhotalkedshitabouttheirwivesandhadnosenseofhumor.I’dbetanythingthehourdrivewiththemhadbeenepicallypainful.
Shedeservedanapology.
BeforetellingmyselfthehundredsofreasonsIshouldn’t,Iraisedmyhandandrappedonthedoor.Somethingbangedinherroom.Rustlingfollowed,thenhervoice.
“What?Issomeonethere?”
“Elise,openthedoor.It’sme.”
Thelockclickedonherside.Sheswungthedooropenafewinches,peeringatmewithsleepyeyes.
“Whatdoyouwant?”sherasped.
Ipushedthedooropenfarther,enoughtofitthrough.ShestaggeredbackuntilIcaughthershoulder,pullinghertowardme.
Thelampbesideherbedwastheonlysourceoflightintheroom.Hersheetswerewrinkled.Hercheekswerecreasedfromherpillow.Warmthemanatedfromhersoft,plushskin.
Bloodrushedtomycock.I’dseenElisemanyways,butneversleepmussed,inlittlesilkypajamas.Onestraphadslidoffhershoulder,butIdidnothingtorightit.Ihadnodesireto.
Holdingmybreath,Iwatcheditslipevenfarther.
“Whyareyoulookingatmelikethat?”shewhispered.
“Because—”Isqueezedmyeyesshut.WhatwasIdoing?
“Doyou…?”Sheplacedahandonmychest,overmypoundingheart.“Whyareyouhere?”
Iopenedmyeyes,takinginthebeautifulgirlIshouldhavestayedmilesawayfrom.Thatwasahabittoo.WhateverattractionIfeltforElisehadbeenlockeddowntightforyears.
Untilnow.
NothingIdidchangedit.
EverytimeIsawher,itgrew.
“IwantyouandpretendingIdon’tdoesn’tmakeitgoaway.Ifuckingwantyou,Elise.”Myjawwassotensemydeclarationcameouttightandangry.
Shesuckedinabreath,herfingerscurlingintomychest.“You’reanasshole.”
“Iknowthat.Andwantingyouisimpossible,butthereitis.Iknowyoufeelit.”
Herchinwentup.Defiant.JusthowIlikedit.“Thiswillneverwork,youknow.”
“Iknowthat.Butweneedtoburnthis…whateverthisisbetweenus.Wehavetoburnitout.”
Herbrowswinged.“Getitoutofoursystems?”
Itookherfaceinmyhands,rubbingmythumbalongthecleftinherchin.“Exactly.”
“Whilewe’rehere?”shewhispered.
“Onlywhilewe’rehere.”
Sheroseonhertoes,hermouthbrushingmine.“Ishouldsayno.”
Mylipstwitched.“Youabsolutelyshould.”ThenIslippedmyfingersintothebackofherhairandfistedit.“Butyouwon’tbecauseIknowyoufeelittoo.”
“Youdon’tknowanything,”shehissed,leaningintome.
“IknowI’mgoingtomakeyoucomeuntilyouscream.”
Sheshookherhead.“No.”
Ituggedherhairagain.“No?Don’tdenyme.”
Herlipsghostedacrossmine,andonthesecondpass,hertonguedraggedlightlyalongmybottomlip.“Thethingis,Idon’tscreamwhenIcome.”
“Mmm.”Icaughtherlipwithmyteeth,tugginggently.“Irememberexactlyhowsweetyousoundwhenyoucome.ButIthinkIcandobetterwhenthere’snoonearoundtohear.”
Sheshovedatme,butnothardenoughtomakemethinkshemeantit.“I’mmadatyou.Youknowthat,right?”
“I’mmadatyoutoo.”Itippedherheadback,lickingalonglinefromherclavicletoherearlobe.“StillharderthanI’veeverbeeninmylife.StillneedtofuckyoubeforeIcommitviolencetoridmyselfofthisinsanity.”
“Isitsoinsanetobeattractedtome?”sheaskedinashakywhisper.
“ThewayIam,yes.YouhavenoideawhatgoesthroughmyheadwhenI’maroundyou.”Isankmyteethintothetendonalongherneck,sendingshuddersthroughherbody.“WhenIseeyou,Iwanttoeatyoualive,spankyou,suckyoursoftspotsuntilI’vemarkedeveryoneofthem.”
Sheletoutabreathlessmoan,herheadlollingback.“I’mallsoftspots,West.”
“ThenIguessIneedtogetstartedsinceIhavealotofworktodo.”
Mymouthclampeddownonthebaseofherthroat,suckingharduntilshegroaned.Mylipspressedonthesamespot,kissingthepainaway.
Ipulledbacktocheckonher.Hereyeswereclosed,lipspartedassheexhaledalongbreath.“Doyoulikethat?”
“Yesss,”shereplied.“Idon’tlikeyou,though.”
Ichuckled,duckingmyfaceintoherthroatagain.“Itoldyoubefore,Ilikeyouenoughforthebothofus.”Isuckedherskinandcuppedherbreasts.Theywereheavyandround,spillingovertheedgesofmypalmsinawaythatsentshotsofagonydirectlytomyballs
Ihadtohaveher,toknowthispartofher,soIcouldclearthequestionsfrommymind.Icouldn’tthinkstraightanymoreunlessIwasdeepintomywork,andeventhen,eventhen,mythoughtssometimesstrayedtothiswoman.
AsIsuckedonherskin,Ibackedhertowardthebed.She’dgonepliant,lettingmeleadher.Whenthebacksofherkneeshitthemattress,westopped,staringateachother.
Thiswasit.
Jumporturnback.
Forme,therewasnochoice.Myloyalty,commonsense,andself-preservationhadallbeenburieddeepundermyneedforElise.
Herfingersrakedthroughmyhair.Shebitherbottomlip,hereyestrailingoverme.Thenonehanddropped,draggingdownmyabdomentothewaistbandofmyjoggers.Mycockwasrightthere,pushingattheelastic.Shepressedagainstitwithherflattenedpalm.
“West,”shebreathed.
“You’regoingtotakeit,aren’tyou,baby?”
Shenodded,bitingdownonherlipagain.
“Sayit,Elise.Tellmeyouwantthis.”
“Iwantyou”—herfingerswrappedaroundmycock,slidingdownmylengthovermypants—“tofuckmewiththis.DoithardanddirtysoIforgeteveryreasonwhyyoushouldn’t.”
Adoseofpureadrenalineshotdownmyspine.Grabbingthenecklineofhertop,Iyankeditsohardthethinstrapssnappedandhertitsspilledout,creamy,cappedwithdelicious,dark-pinktips.
“Oh,fuckyes,”Igrowled.“Shortsoffandgetonthebed,baby.LetmeseewhatI’mgetting.”
Webothmoved,tossingourclothesaside.Elisescootedontothebed,herdarkhairfanningacrossherwhitepillow.Ibracedonekneeonthemattress,slowingtotakeherin.
“Jesus,West,you’rehung.”
Thatmademelaugh.Igrippedmycockinmyfist,stilllookingherover.“Andyou’refuckingpretty.”
Shewrithedonthesheets,herarmscrossingoverhermiddle.Nothappywithmyviewbeingobstructed,Ireacheddown,takingherhandsinmine,slowlycoaxingherarmsopenagain.
“Ihavetoseeyou,Elise.”
Alittlepantfellfromherrosylips.“Okay.”
Istartedmyperusalover.Takinginherfull,roundbreastsandpebblednipples.Thelittleswellaboveherovalbellybutton.Thegentleslopeofherstomachbelowleadingtoaperfecttriangleofdarkhair.
Mycockwasthrobbing,achingtogetinsideher,sinkintoallthatheatandplushness.
Hercurvesweredecadencepersonified.Notasinglesharpedgeorharshangle.Herskinwastanandcreamy,softandsmoothallover.Everythingaboutherwasfeminineandsensualtotheextreme.
Ihadtoswallowhard,somethingalotlikenervousnesscloggingmythroat.
EliseLevywasadreamIhadneverallowedmyselftohave.
“Comehere,”shedemandedwithhoneyonhertongue,holdingoutherhand.“Fuckme,West.”
Kneelingatherfeet,Islidmyhandsupthebacksofherthighstoherknees,pressingherlegsapart.Icouldn’tkeepmymouthoffher.ShewhimperedasIdraggedmylipsalongtheinsidesofherthigh.
Myfingerswereaheadofmymouth,trailingoverherpuffy,wetpussy,partingherslittorevealhersoakingpinkfolds.
“Sofuckingpretty,Elise.”Islidtwofingersintoher,myeyesslammingshutasherheatenvelopedme.Movingtheminandout,Iworkedonmakingspacetofitmyselfinsideher.“Sotight,baby.Ineedinthere.”
Sheheldahandouttome.“Comeon,West.”
“NotbeforeIhaveataste.Gottahaveataste.”
Isankdownbetweenherthighs,brushingmymouthbackandforthoverher.Shewasfresh,clean,slick,hot.Iburiedmyfaceinherfolds,lickingherallover,pumpingmyfingersinandout.Thesoundofherarousalwasthesexiestthingtoeverfillmyears.Shewassoswollen,herclitlikeasweetlittlebeadasIrolleditwithmytongue.
“West,”shemoaned,herfingersweavingthroughmyhair.“More,more.”Herhipsrose,bringingherpussyeventightertomymouth.Igavehermore,suckingonherclit,fuckinghercuntwithmyfingers.
“So…good.”Sherodemytongue,herpussyvibratingonmylips.“I’mcoming.”
Whensheletgo,itwasn’twithascream.Elise’scrieswerewateryrainbows,vibrantbutfleeting.Beingtheonetomakeherletgowasachinglybeautiful.
“Ohgod,West,please.”
IrosetomykneesandsheathedmyselfinthecondomI’dtossedonthebedwhenI’dgottenundressed.Elisewasreachingforme,archingherhipsinoffering.
WhenIwascovered,Ifelloverher,lickingathermouth.Hertongueclashedwithmine,curlingaroundit.Teethnippingandsuckingmylipsbetweenhers
Mycockproddedatherpussy,searchingforentry.Ireachedbetweenus,anglingmyselfsotheheadslippedinsideheropening.
Hermouthtorefrommineasherneckarched.“West!”
“Iknow,baby.”Islidinanotherinch,pushinguponmyarmstowatch.“Letmein.”
Herbodyslowlyopened,stretchingtoaccommodateme.ThesoundsElisemadeasIfoundmywayintoheralittlebitatatimeonlyspurredmeon.Ihadtofuckthisgirl,andfuckherhard.
“Youreadyformore?”Igrittedout
Hereyesflared.“There’smoreofyou?”
Ichuckled,myheadbowingoverher.“Yeah,baby.Ihavemoreforyou,andI’mgoingtogiveittoyou.Letmein.Youcantakeit.”
Pushingherthighsfartherapart,Isnappedmyhipsforwarduntilmypelvismetthecushionofhers.Isawstars.Never.It’dneverfeltthisgood,andwewereonlygettingstarted.
“Youfeelwaytoogood,”Ibreathedout.“Waytoofuckinggood,Elise.”
“Move,West.Ineedtofeelyoumove,”shecooed,grippingmyflexingbiceps.
Irepeatedthesnap,drawingoutandplungingforward,overandover.Elisewatchedme,draggingherhandsandnailsalongmyarmsandchest,lettingoutthesexiestlittlecrieseachtimeIbottomedoutinsideher.
Mychestrumbledfromanunfamiliar,deep,gutturalgroan.Eachslam,herbreastsshook.Itookoneinmyhand,kneadingit,rubbinghernipplewithmythumb.HerfingerswrappedaroundmywristasItouchedher.
“Prettytits,baby.Perfect,greedypussy.”IshookmyheadasIsankintoher.“Can’tbelieveI’minsideyou.”
Shedrewherkneesupalongmyhips,takingmedeeper.“Youcamehereforthis.”
Mymouthhitched.“Wantingsomethingandgettingitaretwodifferentthings.”
“Nowyouhaveme.”
“Aren’tIlucky?”
Shebrushedmyhairoffmyforehead.“Stoptalkingtomeandkissme.”
Ismiledagainsthermouth,kissingherwiththesamethoroughnessI’dfuckedher.Thedeep,lickingstrokesofmytongueonhersmatchedthehard,powerfulstrokesofmycock.
Elisetookit,risingtomeetme,herarousalcoatingmefromballstotip.Herfingerswereinmyhair,hermouthonmine.
Itwastoomuch.
Myhipsjerkedfaster,poweringintoher.Shemoanedagainstmylips,archingherspinewhileIrodehersoft,sensualbody.
“Soclose,”Igrunted.“Wantyoutogetthere.”
“TouchmyclitsoIcancomewithyou,”sherasped.“Bringmeoverwithyou.”
Mycontrolwasarazor’sedge,buttherewasnothingthatwouldstopmefromgivingherexactlywhatsheneeded.
Rearingbacktomyknees,Icircledherlegsaroundmyhipssoshewasspreadoutinfrontofme.Iheldontoherhip,diggingmyfingersintothegiveofherflesh,andusedtheotherhandtoplaywithherclit.
“Yes,West.Keepdoingthat.”Shepressedherpalmtothetopofmyhand,herbackbowingtoliftherassoffthebed.“I’mclose.”
“Getthere.”
Theviewofherallspreadout,herpinkpussystretchedaroundme,titsbouncingasIslammedintoher,wasgoingtobemyundoing.
Ilovedthewayherbodymovedwithmine.Iwasmesmerizedbyit.Weweren’tevenfinishedandIalreadyknewIneededtodothisagainwithher.Oncewasn’tgoingtobeenough.
Hernailsdugintomyhand,andhermouthfellslackasherinnermuscleswenttightandfluttery,pullingmedeeper.
“Oh,shit,”Iyelled.“Fuckinghell,Elise.”
Onceshestarted,therewasnoholdingmeback.Ifelloverher,sealingmymouthtohers,needingthatextralevelofconnection.Myhipspistonedintoher,overandover,racingtowardtheend.Sheheldontomyshoulders,swirlinghertonguearoundmine,kissingmewiththesamecrazyfervor.
Building,building,pressure,need,madnessuntilImadeonefinalthrustandstilledatherdeepestpoint.IpantedintohermouthasIjerkedmyrelease,despisingthecondomblockingmefromcoatingherbareinnerwalls.
Irockedandnibbledatherlipsasaftershockssweptthroughme.Shedraggedherfingertipsalongmytautneckandsiftedthemintomyhair.
“Ohgod,”shegroaned.“Ithinkyouwreckedme.”
Laughingsomewhatdeliriously,Irolledmyforeheadonhers.“Iknowyouwreckedme.Fuckinghell,Elise.Whatwasthat?”
Rollingtotheside,Islowlypulledoutofher.Whenmybodyhadlefthers,Istaredather,blinkinghard.Herkiss-swollenlipstippedintoagrin.
“Thatwasreallygoodsex.”Thenherteethdugintoherbottomliplikeshewasbitingbackanothergrin,butshelost.“AmIoutofyoursystem?”
Groaning,Ishookmyheadonthepillowbesidehers.“IfeellikeIjustinjectedyoudirectlyintomyveins.”Icuppedherbreastanddippedmyheadtorubmymouthoverit.“We’vegottwomoredaystofindthecure.”
Sheshovedatmysweatychest.“Sure.Maybe.Now,gobacktoyourbed.I’mtired.”
Ibithernipple,makinghersquealandshoveatmeagain.
“Stopit.”Shekickedherfeetwildly,nailingmeintheshin.
Ibroughtmyheadup,laughing.“You’rereallykickingmeout?”
Shebrushedherhairawayfromherfaceandlethereyesmoveoverme.“Yeah,”shebreathed.“Don’tyouthink?”
Didn’tIthinkitwasagoodideatogo?Didn’tIthinkifweslepttogether,wemightgetconfused?Didn’tIthinksharingabedformorethansexcouldleadtofeelingsneitherofuswanted?
Yeah.Idid.
Butmyeveryinstinctwantedtoprotesthavingtoleaveher.
“Allright.”Iproppedmyselfuponmyelbow.“Thisisn’tover,though.”
Sheraisedabrow,andthelookshegavemewassomethingnew.InalltheyearsI’dknownher,she’dneveroncebeencoyorflirty,butthatwaswhatthiswas.
“We’llsee.”Sheshovedmeagain.“Nowgo.”
Withahuffedlaugh,Icuppedhercheeksandpressedmylipstoherforehead
“Goodnight,Elise.”
“Goodnight,Weston.”
Iclimbedoutofherbed,grabbedmyclothesfromthefloor,andstartedforthedoorseparatingourrooms.WhenItookonelastlookback,she’dalreadyrolledtoherside,facingtheoppositedirection,theblanketspulleduptohershoulders.
Iforcedmyselftowalkthroughthedoor,eventhoughallIwantedtodowasstayandsoakupeveryminutewehaduntilthiswasoverforgood.ChapterSeventeen
Elise
ThemorningsunshonelikeaspotlightontheunlockeddoorthatseparatedmyroomfromWeston’s.Istaredatitfrommybed,myfluffycoverspulleduparoundmyears,willingmyselftogetupandlockit.
Butitwouldbefruitless.IfWestonwantedinsidemyroomagain,hewouldundoubtedlyfindaway,lockornot.
Lastnighthadprobablybeenaone-offanyway.
Itwasgoodthatitwas.Smart.Thebestdecision.
ThatwaswhatItoldmyselfuntilIflungmyselfoutofbedtotrudgetotheshowerandthedullachebetweenmylegsmademybreathhitch.
Oh,Weston.Whydidhehavetobeso…good?
Ithadbeenthebestsexofmylife.Icouldn’trememberatimeI’deverbeensodesiredonaviscerallevel.
Ibrushedmyteethwhiletheshowerwarmedup.Thewomanstaringbackatmeinthemirrorhadbeenthoroughlyfucked.Myhairwasinarat’snestontopofmyhead.Therewerebitemarksandbruisesallovermychest,onedangerouslyclosetomyneck.Mylipswerestillalittleswollenanddarkpink.
WestonAldrichhadmarkedme,andhe’ddoneitwithpurpose.
He’dwantedmetoseeinmyreflection.
IthadbeenhisintentformetofeelhimwhenIwalked.
Guyslikehim,withgiantdicksandegostomatch,wereprobablyfloodedwithtestosterone.Itwasalltheycoulddonottobeattheirchestsateverychancetheygot.Givingmehickeysandbowingmylegsduringsexwasthesociallyacceptableequivalent.
IwasgladI’dgottentoexperienceitonce.
Itwouldbesillytoeventhinkaboutdoingitagain.
Therainshowerbeatdownonmyhead,andwatersprayedmefrombothsides.ThisshowerwasmoreluxuriousthananyI’deverbeenin.Istoodthereforalongtime,myheadback,eyesclosed,musclesloosening.
Asuddensliceofcoolairbroughtmebacktoreality.
TherealityofWestonsteppingintomyshower,nakedandhard,hisgazetrainedonme.
Hestoppedinfrontofme,framingmyfacewithhishands.“Goodmorning.”
Istraightened,suckinginmystomach.“Hi.You’reinmyshower.”
“Iam.”
“Ididn’tinviteyou.”
Thecornerofhismouthhitched.“Youleftallthedoorsbetweenmeandyouunlocked.Itookthatasaninvitation.”
“Presumptuous,”Imuttered.
“Sexy,”hemutteredbackashedippeddowntolickthesideofmyneck.“Didyousleepwell?”
“Isleptfine,thanks.You?”
Hekissedupmynecktomyjaw.Myinsideswerewakingup,showinginterestinwhatthisridiculousmanwasdoingtomeatthisungodlyhour.
“Terrible.Iwashardallnight.Itwasliketryingtosleeponalogthatkeptstabbingme.Yourfault.”
Inarrowedmyeyes.“AreyoutryingtosayIdidn’tsatisfyyouproperly?”
“That’swhatI’msaying.Oncewasn’tenoughandyousentmeonmywaywithyourscentallovermeandthememoryofyourtightpussy.Itwascruel.”
Hedraggedhispalmsacrossmystomach.Isuckedinevenmore.Hegruntedandsqueezedmysidesbeforeslammingmeagainsthim,theairknockingloosefrommylungs.Mystomachwentsoftashisrock-solidabspressedintoit,andthelookheshotmewasnothinglessthanproud.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Iuttered.
“I’mgoingtofuckyou,thenI’mgoingtotakeashowerandgetdressedforalongdayofwork.”Hegrabbedmyasswithonehand,myfacewiththeotherandkissedmehard,allmintyandfresh.ItpleasedmemorethanIlikedthathe’dbrushedhisteethbeforecomingtome.He’dputthoughtintothis.
ThiswasWeston.Ofcoursehehad.Westondidn’tdoanythingwithoutthinkingitthrough.
Hebackedmeintothewall,lickingtheinsideofmymouthuntilIwasbreathlessandpanting.Slidinghisfingersalongthevalleyofmyass,heslippedforwardtomycore,foundmyentrance,andthrustinside.Isuckedinabreath,andhetookthatasanopeningtokissmeevendeeper,stealingthelittleoxygenI’dgained.
Iwasdizzyfromhim.Andneedy.EverytimeIstartedtothink,toquestionwhatweweredoingorworryabouthowrevealingthebrightbathroomlightswere,herubbedaspotinsidemethatmadeallrationalthoughtsflee.
Anorgasmwashedovermeinrecordtime.Westonpulledbacktowatchmemoanfrompartedlips.Hisfingerspressedandrubbedmyinnerwalls,stretchingmypleasureoutuntilIneededmorethanfingersandhecouldn’twait.
Crackingopentheshowerdoor,hegrabbedthecondomfromtheshelfwherehe’dleftit,rolleditonwithsteady,urgentmovements,thenspunmeawayfromhimbymyhips,moldinghischesttomyback.Hiscockfitbetweenmycheeks,andherocked,wedgingitevenmoresnuglywhilehismouthdevouredmyshoulderandneck.
Ileanedmyheadback,kissingthesideofhisjaw,lickingtheroughstubblehe’dyettoshave.Hisskinslidagainstmine,hotandslick.
“Needtogetinsideyou,”hemurmured.“IhavetoknowifyoufeelasgoodasIremembered.”
“Ido.Ipromise.”
Hebreathedalaughonmyshoulderandpinchedbothmynipples.“Iknowyoudo.Thatsweetlittlepussyofyoursisperfect,andI’mgoingtoruinit.”
Withthat,hepressedonthecenterofmyback,leaningmeforward.
“Handsonthewall,baby.Thisisgoingtobehardandfast.”
Onehand,thentheother,bracedonthetiles.Westonheldontomyshoulder,hisindexfingerbrushingmythroat,andlinedhimselfupwithmyopening.Henudgedforward,slippinganinchinsideme.
“West—”
WhateverI’dbeenabouttosaywassweptawayatthethrustofhiships.Onepowerfulmoveandhewasfullyseatedinsideme,slappingagainstmyass.Hegrippedmyhip,slidhisotherhandtothefrontofmythroat,andfuckedmehardanddeep,histhicklengthignitingeveryoneofthenervesinsideme.Mybodyhadawakenedandwasfinelyattunedtothisman.
Westonwasonamission,ruttingasdeeplyashecouldget,barelyretreatingbeforeheburiedhimselftothehilt.Histaut,muscularbodyslammedintomymuchsofterone,groansrumblingfromhischest.
Helovedthefeelofme.
Imorethanlovedthefeelofhim.
Heknewhowtoholdme,tomakemeforgetmyinhibitionsandgivemyselfovertothisthing…thismistakeweweregoingtokeepmaking.
Mybackarched,andIusedmyarmstopushmyselfontohiscock.Wemet,collided,retreated,andmetagain.Westongrunted,squeezingme,desperateandwild,bringingmebacktolastnight,backtofeelinghisvisceraldesireandbelievingittobetrue.Fornow,whileitlasted,IbelievedIwastheonlywomanWestonwanted.
Theknowledgewasheady.
“Comeon,West.Comeforme,”Ipanted.
Heleanedovermyback,kissingmyshoulderblade.“CanIcomeonyou,baby?Iwanttopaintyourprettyass,makeitevenprettier.”
Iclenchedathiswords,noddingvigorously.“Please,please.”
“Allright.I’mgoingtogiveyouexactlywhatyouwant.”
Hismovementssharpened,fingersdiggingintome.Theairaroundusheatedtoaboil,andIcouldbarelybreathe.Myheadwaslight,floaty,andwhenhishandcamedownonmywetbackside,mymoansechoedoffthetile.Heslappedmethreemoretimes,enoughtokeepmewithhimbutnottrulyhurtme,thenyankedoutofmewithasuddenswiftnessin
“Changedmymind.”Hetookhisangryredcockinhisfist,pumpingithard.“Iwantyoutowatchwhatyou’vedonetome.”
Iwrappedmyhandaroundhis,movingwithhimashestrokedhimself,andpressedmythighstogether.Thiswastoomuch.Toohot.
Icuppedmybreastandrolledmynipplebetweenmyfingers,makingWestongruntandshufflecloser.
“I’mcoming,”hegrittedout.
Thefirstsplashofhisreleasehitmystomach.Ibentdown,thendroppedtomykneessotherestofitsprayedallovermybreasts,catchingafewdropsonmytonguewhenIopenedmymouth.ThenIleanedinandwrappedmylipsaroundhisbroadhead,sucklingthelastofhisreleasefromhisthrobbingerection.
Hishandswenttomyhead,grippingthesidesasIcleanedhimwithmymouth
“Elise.”Hesighedmyname.“You’retoogoodtome.I’mgoingtogethooked.”
Ipoppedofftheendofhimandsmiledupathim.“IthoughtIwasalreadyinyourveins.”
Heranafingeralongmycheekandbottomlip,shakinghishead.“Youare.”Thenhetookmyhandinhis,helpingmetomyfeet.Hismouthpressedagainstmineinaslow,meltingkiss.“I’mgoingtoneedmoreofyourlipsaroundmycock.”
Itappedonhischin.“We’llsee.”
Iwantedittoo,butifheignoredmeagainalldayandmademeridewiththetwobores,hecouldsuckhimselfoff.
Perhapsitshouldhavebeennosurprise,butWestonstartedthedayfarlessgrumpythanusual.Afterwedressed,wegrabbedaquickbreakfastandheactuallyspoketomeinsteadofsilentlygloweringateveryoneinhisvicinity.
Wedidn’tflirt.Bytacitagreement,thatdidn’thappenwhenwewereworking.
Well,exceptforthetimehegotmeoffinhisoffice.Butwe’dbeenalonewithnowitnessessothatdidn’treallycount.
Marisol,Dev,andJeffwerewaitingforusatthefirstfactory,likeyesterday.Themenacknowledgedmethistime,butMarisol’sgazebarelyflittedoverme.ShewasallaboutWeston,immediatelylatchingontohisside.
Ididn’thavetostickaroundtoseeifhewasgoingtoignoremeinfavorofher.MelindafromHRwhiskedmeawayformyfirstinterviewwithCherise,anavidmountainhiker.
Todaywasalreadygoingmuchbetter.Cherisewassweetandenthusiastic.Amanageronthefactoryfloor,shetoldmealotaboutherjobfirstthenwetalkedaboutherhobby.She’dbroughtallherAndesgearwithher,andImadeamentalnotetosendhermorewhenIgothome.
Asourinterviewwounddown,shewalkedmeoutofthemeetingroomtoshowmearoundthefactoryfloor.
“DoyouseetheAndesfieldteamalot?”Iasked.
Sherolledhereyes.“Allthetime.Theyspot-checkuseveryotherday.”Shelaughed.“Atleast,that’swhatitfeelslike.Weallholdourbreathwhenthey’rehere.”
Inoddedatthesuits,almostafootballfieldawayfromus.“HaveyoubeenherewhenMr.Aldrichcomesthrough?”
“Yeah,ofcourse.Heusedtostopbyalotmoreoften.”Sheleanedclosertome.“IthinkheandMs.Daviesbrokeup,sohedoesn’tflyouttoCaliforniaasoftenasheusedto.Atleast,that’stherumor.”
“Oh?”IblinkedatherandletmygazeshifttoWeston,deepinconversationwiththegeneralmanagerofthefactory.Icouldn’treadMarisol’sexpressionfromthisdistance,butIwascertainshewashangingontohiseveryword.
I’daskedhimifhe’dhadsexwithher.Hehadn’tanswered.
Whichhadbeenanswerenough.
Itdidn’tmatter,notreally,exceptIcouldn’thelpwonderingifI’dbeenaconsolationprizelastnightwhenhecouldn’thaveMarisol.
Cheriseshookherhead.“Ishouldn’thavesaidanything.You’resoeasytotalkto,Iforgotyouworkforhimforaminute.”
Ireachedout,squeezingherupperarm.“It’sfine.Don’tworryaboutit.Iworkforhiscompany,nothim,youknow?Idon’tthinkyousaidanythingwronganyway.”
Herlipswerepressedtightwithworry.“Itwasgossipaboutmyboss.”
“Harmless,”Iassuredher.“Canyouintroducemetoafewpeople?Wouldthatbeokay?”
ShetorehergazefromWeston,stillfrowning.Ittookheramomenttosnapoutofherworry.“Oh,sure.Noproblem.”
Imetupwiththesuitsintheparkinglot.Wehadonemorevisittomaketodayandanhourdrivetogetthere.Westonscannedmefromheadtotoethenspunaroundandheadedtowardhiscar.Istayedback,watchingtoseewhatwouldhappenwhileexpectingtobestuckwithDevandJeffagain.
Asexpected,MarisolwalkedstraighttoWeston’scar.Asshereachedforthedoor,heclearedhisthroat.
“Actually,Elisewillberidingwithmetoday.”
Everyoneseemedtoholdtheirbreath,waitingforhimtooffermoreofanexplanation,butheswiveledonhissleek,fancyshoes,brushingpastMarisolandopeningthepassengerdoor.WhenIdidn’tmove,heraisedaneyebrowandgesturedformetogetin.
Marisolalsohadn’tmoved,forcingmetoslidebyher.WestonlaidahandonthecenterofmybackandwaiteduntilIwasseatedtocarefullyclosemydoor.IwatchedMarisolspeakingtohimintheside-viewmirror,butWestonquicklydismissedwhatevershesaidandwalkedaway.
Climbingintotheseatnexttome,hecheckedhismirrorsanddroveoutoftheparkinglot,Dev,Jeff,andMarisolstillstandingthere.
“Idon’tthinkshe’shappy.”
Westonhummed.Inagreement?Itwashardtotell.
“Howwasyourvisit?”heasked,changingthesubject.Hissuperpower.
“Interesting.YoushouldsendCheriseawholeAndeswardrobe.Shetakesalotofpicturesofherhikesforhersocialmedia.Shehasoverthirty-thousandfollowersonInsta.Itwouldbereallygoodadvertising.”
Heturnedhisheadandgavemeadisconcertinglywarmsmile.“CanyouemailRenataCherise’sinformation?She’lltakecareofit.”
“Alreadydone.”
Hereachedovertheconsoletosqueezemyleg.“Verynicework,Elise.”
“Thankyou.”
Hishandremained,inchinghigher.Iwaswearingpants,soIdidn’tknowwherehethoughthewasgoing.
“Weston—”
“Shhh.”
Hereachedthetopofmythighsandslidinward,tuckinghisfingersintotheroundedcreaseattheapex,gruntingwithsatisfactionashenestledin.
“Ilikethis.”Hecurledhisfingersintomyflesh,testingthegive.“I’mgoingtobeputtingmyfaceherelater.”
“Oh,areyou?”
Itriedforhaughty,butthatwasdifficultwithWestonappreciatingapartofmybodyIwasn’tsureIevenliked.
“Iam.”
Socertain,butIcouldn’tblamehim
Iwasprettymuchasurethingfortherestofthistrip.I’dalreadycrossedtheline,whydenymyselfsomethingthatwassogood?Theconsequenceswouldbetherewhetherwestoppednowortenorgasmsfromnow.
“Bytheway…”
Heglancedover.“Yes?”
“YouandMarisolwereacouple,right?”
Hisfingersclampeddownonmythigh,andheexhaledahard,heavybreath.“Wewere,butwehaven’tbeenanythingtoeachotherbesidescolleaguesforsometime.”
“Okay.Thanksforsatingmycuriosity.”
TheinsecurebeastinthebackofmymindwonderedhowWestoncouldpossiblybeattractedtomewhenhehadbeenwithawomanlikeMarisol.Wewerenotthesame.WhenWestonputhishandonherthigh,heprobablyslippedrightthrough.
Hewaslookingatmeinsteadoftheroad.“Youdon’tlooksosated.ThiswaswhyIdidn’twanttoansweryouyesterday.”
Iturnedtohim.“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Areyou,orareyounot,comparingyourselftoher?”
“Whatwomanwouldn’t?”
“There’snocomparison.”
Isnorted.“Nokidding.”
Hesqueezedmythighalmosttoohard.“Stopthatbullshit,Elise.Youknowyou’refuckinggorgeous.YouandMarisolarenothingalike.Quitefrankly,Iwouldn’twantyoutobeanythinglikeher.There’sareasonwearen’ttogether.”
Myfingerscurledaroundhisflexingwrist.“You’regoingtoleavebruises.”
“Good.Thenyou’llseethemandrememberitwasyourthighsIcouldn’twaittoburymyhandbetween.You’llrememberI’mgoingtobewalkingaroundthenextfactory,tryingtohideanerectionwhilecountingtheminutesbeforeIcangetbacktothisspotandreplacemyhandwithmyface.”
“Oh.”
Thecornerofhismouthhitched.“Yeah.Oh.Sogetanyoneelseoutofyourhead.They’reoutofmine.”
Bitingdownonmybottomlip,Islowlymeltedintomyseat.Hisholdonmeloosenedslightly,buthedidn’tletgo
AndIdidn’twanthimto.ChapterEighteen
Weston
Iwasn’thappy.
Itwasimpossibleformetopretendotherwise,soMarisolwasscramblingtosmoothoverthescowlonmyface.
BrianLewisownedoneofthefactoriesthatproducedAndes’patentedfiller.He’dbeenwithmesincethebeginningwhenI’dbeennothingmorethanarichkidwithalotofideas.TherewasatimeI’dtrustedhimimplicitly.
ButasAndeshadgrown,sohadhisbusiness.Wherewehadoncebeenapriority,wewerenowbeingpushedtotheside.
Whichwasnotacceptable.
“Excuseme.”Marisolstoppedspeaking,andeveryoneturnedtome.“Didwenotdiscussthisonthephonelastweek,Brian?”
Brianwastenyearsolderthanme,red-facedandround-bellied.Hehadpeakedinhighschoolbutwasn’tself-awareenoughtorecognizenoonewasimpressedbyhispiddlingclaimtofameforscoringthemosttouchdownsinasinglegame.
Icouldhaveignoredallthat,andhadforyears,buthisexcusesweremakingmedespiseeverythingabouthim.HewasluckyI’dwalkedintothefactoryinagoodmood.
“Now,Weston,Iexplainedwe’reintheprocessofhiringmorestaff.Inthenextmonth,we’llbedoublingourthirdshiftand—”
Iheldupahand.“Whenyousignedcontractswithus,therewerenocontingenciesforyourstaffingshortages.Itisn’tanyofmybusinessthatyou’veoverextendedyourself.That’snotsomethingIneedtoknow,andtobeperfectlyhonest,notsomethingyoushouldbespreadingaround.Itdoesn’tmakeyoulookgood.”
Heguffawed,hisgazebouncingaroundmycolleagueswhenhissolefocusshouldhavebeenonme.Theycouldn’thelphim.He’dlandedhimselfhere,hehadtofigurehiswayout.Itwasn’tgoingtobewithlameexcusesorexplanations.Actionwastheonlyacceptablesolutiontome.
MaybeIshouldhavecuttieswiththismanyearsago.He’dgottencomfortablewithme,andIhim,butitwasn’tlikemetobringpersonalrelationshipsintomybusiness.Isupposednostalgiawastoblame.Brianhadtakenachanceonanupstartbusiness,andthatmeantsomething.
“Look,Weston,it’sallundercontrol.We’reonlyslightlydelayedinproduction,whichIunderstandisn’tacceptabletoyou,butIcanofferadiscountonthisnextshipmenttomakeupforit.”
Istaredathim,mypatiencepaperthin.Ididn’tlikebeingspokentolikeIwasbeinghandled.Iwasn’tatantrumingtoddler.
“Ofcourseweunderstand,”Marisolsoothed.“Let’sgetthatdiscountwrittendown,though.Verbalpromisesareonlyasgoodasthelegalcontractsthey’rerepeatedon.”
Everyonechuckledbutme.Therewasnothingamusingaboutoneofmymanagersspeakingforme,especiallywhenshewasn’tevenclosetocorrect.
“Weactuallydon’tunderstand.”InoddedtoMarisol,Jeff,andDev.“Youcango.BrianandIneedtohaveaprivateconversation.”
“Go?”Marisolrepeated.
“Go.You’renolongerneeded.”Swivelingonmytoe,IstrodeintoBrian’soffice,notdoubtingforasecondhewouldsoonfollow.
WhileIwaited,Itookoutmyphone,textingElise.
Me:Whereareyou?
Elise:Hellotoyou.I’moutsideonapicnicbenchwithEliasandCameron.They’retellingmeabouttheirrockclimbingweekends.Whereareyou?
Me:Hell.Bereadytoleavewithinahalfhour.
Elise:Imightnotbefinishedbythen.
Me:Bereadyinhalfanhour,Elise.
Elise:Please.
Me:What?
Elise:Weston,youmightbemyboss,butifyoualsowanttobetheguywhoputshisdickinmetonight,sayplease.
Me:Isweartogod,ifthemenyou’rewithseeyoutalkingaboutgettingdickeddown,Iwillspankyourassuntilyoucan’tsitonit.
Elise:Onlyifyouwanttobespankedinreturn.
Me:WhydidIthinktextingyouwouldcalmmedown?
Elise:Awww,youdid?That’skindofsweet.Andjustsoyouknow,IwalkedawayfromthetabletotalktoyousonooneisseeingthefilthythingsI’msayingaboutyourbeautifuldick.
Me:Thankyou.
Me:Pleasebereadyinahalfhour.
Elise:You’rewelcome.AndI’llseewhatIcando.xx.
Ahalfhourlater,Iwalkedoutside,intentonfindingElisesoIcouldblowoutofthisplaceandgetherbacktomyhotelroom.Instead,IfoundMarisolwaitingforme.
“Whatwasthatabout?”sheasked.
Marisoldidn’tgetangryasageneralrule.Sheexpectedlifetogoherway,andwhenitdidn’t,shebecamegenuinelyconfused.
Despiteourbreakupandmutualflaws,Istilllikedherandrespectedherprofessionally.Shewouldn’thaveherpositionifIdidn’t.
Anduntilrecently,atriplikethiswouldalwaysendinussleepingtogether.
Ihadabsolutelynodesiretogotherewithheranymore.
Exhaling,Ipinchedthebridgeofmynose.MymeetingwithBrianhadonlyservedtodriveaspikethroughmyskull.Afterourcontractranout,Iwouldhavemyproductionteamssearchforasuppliertoreplacehim.Ourhistorywasn’tenoughtosaveourbusinessrelationship.
“YouknowIhatewhenanyonespeaksforme.”Idroppedmyhandandtuckeditinmypocket.“Didyouwaitaroundformetotellyouthat?”
Herredlipscurledintoasmirk.“That,andtoallowyoutoaskmetodinner.”
Ifrowned,scanningtheparkinglot.“DidyousendDevandJeffaway?”
Shesteppedcloser,herhandslidingupmychest.“Ofcourse.ItwouldhavebeenimpolitetoaskthemtowaitwhenI’llberidingwithyou.”
“IhaveElisewithme.Ihadnointentionofgivingyouaride.”
Hertonguetouchedhertoplip.“Oh,her.Icompletelyforgotabouther.”ShewavedthethoughtofEliseoff.“That’sfine.Idon’tmindifshe’sinthecar.”
Myfrowndeepened,asdidtheacheinmyhead.“Whatdidyouexpectmetodoifyouminded?Leaveherheretofendforherself?”
Marisolhuffedalittlelaugh.“Isawherflirtingwiththefactoryboys.I’msureoneofthemwouldbemorethanhappytogiveheraride.”
Afuriouslaughshotoutofme.“Youhavetobejoking,Marisol.Tellmeyou’rejoking.DoyouhaveanyideawhoEliseistome?DoyourememberanythingIeversaidtoyou?”
InsteadofwaitingforananswerIreallydidn’tcaretohear,Istrodetowardthesideofthebuilding,whichIknewfrommemorywasthelocationofthepicnictables.BeforeIcouldreachthecorner,Eliseandtwomencamearoundit.Shewaslaughingatsomethingoneofthemsaid,hercheeksadeeppink.
Mymoodhadalreadybeenblack,butseeingherwithtwomencrowdedaroundher,interestedinher,sentmeintoacoldfury.
“Elise,”Ibarked.
Shestoppedwalking,hereyesflaringwideasshefinallynoticedme.
“It’stimetogo.”Whenshedidn’tmoverightaway,IsworeIwentblindforasecond.Thespikeinmyheaddugdeeper,andfrustrationdraggedmeunder.“Rightnow.”
Mytonewassharpandcommanding.TooharshforElise,butIfeltdriventoit.SheknewfromourtextsIwasfrustrated,yetshewasdraggingherfeet,notcomingtomewhenIneededherto.
Finally,shesaidsomethingsofttothetwomenbeforestartingtowardme.Ionlyexhaledwhenshewasbymyside.Herangerwaspalpable,butshekeptherlipspressedtogetherandherprofessionalfaceon,evenwhenMarisoljoinedusonourwalkthroughtheparkinglot
Iwasn’tabletohidemyfeelings,norwasIwillingtoplaypolitewhenMarisolhadthegalltocutoffElisesoshecouldreachthepassengerdoorfirst.
“Eliseisinthefrontwithme,”Iintoned.“Ifyouwantmetodriveyoubacktoyourcar,climbintheback.”
Marisolspunawayfromthedoor,herlipspoppingopen.“Weston?”
Iopenedthebackdoorforher.“Ifyou’daskedfirst,IwouldhavetoldyoutheonlyseatIhadavailablewasthebackone.”
Shestaredatmeforalongbeat,herdeep-browneyessweepingovermeasiftryingtoreadhowseriousIwas.Elisewasbehindme,butIhadtotakecareofthisproblembeforeIgavehermyattention.
Marisolflippedherblackwavesbehindhershoulderandmarchedforwardtoduckintothesecond-rowcaptain’schair.Shefoldedherarmsacrossherchestandstaredstraightaheadasthoughshe’dneverbeensowrongedinherlife.
IclosedthedooronherandreachedforElise.“Comeon.”
“Shecouldhavetakenthefrontseat.”
Ihuffedalongbreath.“Don’tgivemeshitrightnow.Shewasn’tinvitedintomycar,youwere.Youdon’tsitinthebackseat.”
Shestuckherlipout,anditwasallIcoulddonottobiteit.“You’reveryannoyingandgrumpy.”
“I’vehadanextremelyfrustratingfewhours.Pleasedon’taddtoit.”
Herpoutinstantlymorphedintoconcern.“What’sup?IsthereanythingIcando?”
“No.”Ibrushedmyhandoverherarm.“NothingotherthanstickingwithmeonthistripevenwhenI’mactinglikeyourgrumpyboss.”
Hereyesdancedwithamusement.“I’musedtothat,soIcandothat.”
Theridebacktothehotelshouldhavetakentwohours.Instead,itlastedahundredyears.ElisetriedtoengageMarisolinconversation,butshedidn’tbite.Instead,shebroughtupvacationssheandIhadtaken,restaurantswe’ddinedin,madebluntinsinuationsaboutwhatwenormallygotuptoonmytripstoCalifornia.
IcaughtElisegigglingsoftly,tryingtocoveritupwithherhand.ThatwastheonlyreasonIdidn’tburstintoflamesandlosemyshitonMarisol.Elisewasn’tbothered,soIcontainedmyselfandturnedupthemusic,puttinganendtofurtherinanechatter.
Marisolwasconvenientlyparkednearthehotel.Idroppedherathercar,tellingherI’dseeherinthemorning,anddroveaway,sighingwithrelief.
“We’regoingtodinner,”ItoldElise.
“Arewe?I’mprettytired.”
Isentaglareherway.“Shutup.”
Shelaughedsoftly.“Notlikely.”
Ireachedacrossthecar,slidingmyfingersintomynewfavoriteplaceatthecreaseofherthigh.
“ThankChristforthat.”
Onceweordered,Eliserelaxedintothebackcushionofherbench,glancingaroundthediner.Asmall,softsmileliftedthecornersofhermouth.
“What?”Igroused.
Hergazeshottomine.“Areyougrumpingatmealready?”
“No.”Irakedmyfingersthroughmyhair.“Yes.Idon’tlikenotknowingwhyyou’resmiling.”
Thatmadeherlaugh.“Ifyoumustknow,Iwasthinkingthisplaceisn’tverylikeyou.”
Ileanedforward,claspingmyhandsonthetable.“Youdon’tlikeit?”
I’dbroughthertothedinerI’dinvitedhertolastnight.Itwasn’tanythingspecialtolookat,butthefoodwasmorethandecent,anditwasthekindofplacenoonewouldbotherus.
“No,Ido.I’msurprisedyoudo,isall.”Shecuppedhermouthtowhispertome.“Idon’tthinktheyhaveanyMichelinstars,West.”
West.
Heatsurgedthroughmyveins.SheonlycalledmeWestwhenIwasfuckingher.HearingitoutsidethebedroomignitedaPavlovianresponse.Ittookmeafewsecondstoconvincemybodynowwasn’tthetimeorplacetobendheroverandslideintoher.
“Youdon’tthinkmuchofme,doyou?”
Arushofpinkheatedhercheeks.“Thatisn’ttrue.Iwaskidding.Idon’tthinkyou’reasnob,farfromit.Butyouhavetoadmityou’reusedtothefinerthingsinlife.Iseethesuitsyouweareveryday.Andyouliveinapenthouse.Don’tpretendyou’rejustanaverageJoe.”
“You’renotwrong.Idolikeluxuryandwon’tdenyit,butthat’snottheonlythingIcanappreciate.Ifitwere,Iwouldhavemissedoutonalot.Iwouldhavewalkedrightbythisdinerwithoutcominginandthatwouldhavebeenashame.ThisplacemakesoneofthebesthuevosrancherosI’veeverhad.”
“You’llhavetogivemeataste.”
“Iwillgiveyouanythingyouwant,Elise.”
Herteethdugintothecornerofherbottomlip,andthepinkinhercheeksintensified.Shelookedyounger,sweeter.Thebloodthathadbeenlodgedinmycockfloweddirectlytomythrummingheart.TherehadneverbeenadayIhadn’tcaredabouther.Evenwhenshewaslivinginanotherstateforthreeyears,Ikepttrackofher.
AsmuchasIwantedtofuckheragainandagain,Iwouldneverlosesightofwhoshehadalwaysbeentome.Thesexwouldendwhenwewenthome,butshewasElliot’ssister,whichmeantIwouldprotectandcareforheralways.
Ourwaitressstoppedbywithourdrinks,andafterward,webothwentquiet.IwasgoingoverthemeetingsIhadthefollowingday,andElisetookoutherphone,mostlikelyreadingtextsoremails.
Asoftlaughburstoutofher.Hereyesliftedtomine.Icockedmyheadinquestion.
“Nothing.”Sheshookherhead.“Myoldcoworker,Brandon,ranintoPatrickatabarlastnight.”
“And?”
Mystomachtightenedatthementionofherex.Oneminuteinhiscompany,andithadbeenobvioushehadn’tbeenworthyofher.IfI’dbeenabettingman,IwouldhaveputmymoneyonElisewisingupandleavinghimwithinayear.Sinceithadtakenherfourtimesthat,I’dbeenluckyIwasn’t.
Hergazeflittedtoherphoneandbacktome.“BrandonpretendednottospeakEnglishwhenPatrickaskedhimifheknewwhereIwas.AndBrandon’sboyfriendapparentlygotinontheactbytranslatingwhatBrandonwassaying.”
“Whatdidhesay?”
“Well,Brandondoesn’tactuallyspeakanotherlanguage,soCliffhadtomakeeverythingup.HetoldPatrickBrandonarrivedfromCroatiatwoweeksagoandhadgrownupinamonastery,neverseeingawomanbesideshismother.”
Iblinked.“WhatdidPatricksaytothat?”
Sheshrugged.“Hewasangryandconfused.Idon’treallywanttoknowwhathesaid,whichItoldBrandon.”
“You’renevergoingtospeaktohim?”
“No.There’snothingforustosaytoeachother.”
Somethinginmystomachsoured.Icouldn’tputafingeronwhy,though.“Really?Youdon’tevenwanttoyellathim?”
“I’mnotreallyayeller,youknow.AndIdon’tthinkhedeservesachancetotrytoexplainawaywhathedidtome.Itmighthavebeenimmatureofmetocutoutoftherelikeaghostinthenight,butwhenIdecidedtogo,itfeltlikeIhadtodoitimmediatelyorIwouldn’tsurvive.”
MybrowloweredasIwatchedher.Shedidn’tliketalkingaboutthis.Thisguywasstillhurtingher,whethershewantedtoadmititornot.
“Whataboutwhatyoudeserve?”
Shetuckedherhairbehindherear.“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Don’tyoudeserveclosure?”
“Closureisn’treal.There’snodoorbetweenpainandhappiness.NomatterhowmanyconversationsIhaveordon’thavewithPatrick,Istillhavetowalkthroughthewayhehurtme.IfIdeserveanything,it’stonotbehurtbythemanIonceloved.”
“Onceloved?Youdon’tanymore?”
Herhandwrappedaroundherglassoficedtea.“WhenIlovedhim,itwaswithoutvitalinformation.OnceIfoundoutwhohetrulywas,thatlovebecamenullandvoid.Iknowthatsoundscold,andmaybeitis,butit’showI’mabletocopewithlife’sbullshit.AndyouknowI’vehadmorethanmyfairshare.”
Ipushedalongexhaleoutofmynose.She’ddonesomethingsimilartome.Oneday,Iwashersecondbrother.Thenext,Ibarelyexisted.Maybeitwasthememoryofthoselong,icyyearsmakingmesouneasynow.
AsmuchasIdespisedPatrick,Icouldn’thelpfeelingforhim.ThearcticsideofEliseLevywasanimpossibleplacetobeafteryearsoflivinginhersunshine.
“Youhave.YouandElliothavebeendoledmoreunluckyhandsthanmostpeople.”Reachingacrossthetable,Itookherfreehandinmine,rubbingherknuckleswithmythumb.“WhenIinevitablyscrewup,Iaskthatyougivemeachancetomakeitrightinsteadofgivingmetheghosttreatment.Canyoupromisemethat?”
Hernosescrunched,butshecurledherfingersintomine.“Itdependsonhowdeeplyyouscrewup.Ifyoupushmeoffacliff,I’mdefinitelyghostingyou.Literally.”Shegrinnedatme,growingmoreseriouswhenIcouldn’tfinditinmetosmileback.“Idon’twanttogobacktotheyearswhenIavoidedyou.Foroursake,andElliot’s.Ican’tpredictmyreactiontoahypotheticalscrewup,butIcanpromisetotry,okay?”
Ihuffedadrylaugh.“Iknowthat’sallI’mgoingtogetoutofyou,soIguessit’llhavetobeokay.”
Dinnerarrived.Myhuevosrancheros,Elise’stomatosoupandgrilledcheese.Shewasinordinatelypleasedwithhermeal,whichsettledmytwistedstomach.Ilikedseeingherpleased,anywayithappened.
Iheldupaforkfulofegg,picodegallo,andfreshavocado.“Open.”
Sheleanedforward,partingherlipstoacceptthebiteofmydinner.Herlipsclosedaroundmyforkwhilehergazestayedonmine.Slowly,Islippedtheforkout,watchinghertastemyfavoritedish.Pleasuresuffusedhercheekswithcolor.
“I’mright,aren’tI?”
Shenodded.“Delicious.Thankyouforbringingmehere.”
“Thanksforsharingitwithme.”
Shepickedupherspoon,pausingbeforescoopingupsomesoup.“DidMarisolcomeherewithyou?”
Iscoffed.“Once.Shewasn’timpressed.”
“Howlongwereyoutogether?”
Icockedmyhead.“Isitmyturntoexpelmyrelationshipdetails?”
“What’sfairisfair,Westie.”
“PleasestophangingoutwithMiles.”
“You’llhavetodiscussthatwithhim.He’salittleobsessedwithme.”Sheshookherspoonatme.“Don’ttrytodistractme.Howlongwereyouwithher?”
“Twoyearsseriously,giveortake.”
“Howlongunseriously?”
She’dpickeduponmywording.Nosurprisethere.“Ayear.”
“So,threeyears.”Shetoreoffthecornerofhersandwich.“That’salongtime.Ididn’tknowsheexistedbeforethistrip.”
Iraisedabrow.“DidyoukeepupwithmewhileyouwereinChicago?”
“Somewhat.Elliotmentionedyoufromtimetotime.HeneversaidanythingaboutbeautifulMarisol,though.”
Icouldn’tfightthesmirktuggingatmylips.“That’sbecauseElliottriedtopretendshedidn’texist.CompartmentalizingisaLevytalent.”
“Mybrotherwasn’tafanofbeautifulMarisol?”
“Don’tcallherthatunlessyouwantmetorefertoyouasStunningElise.”
Shestoppedchewingtocoverhergrinwithherhand.“Thatdoeshavealovelyringtoit.”
Itdid.Anditwasfitting.
“No,Elliotdidn’tlikeher.HesaidifIstayedwithher,shewouldchangemeinwaysthatwouldmakehimnotlikemeeither.”
“Mybrother,thesmoothtalker.”
Ishookmyhead.“He’sblunt,buthetellsthetruth.”
“Butyoudidn’tlisten.”
Heavingadeepsigh,Iwipedmymouthwithmynapkin.“Ittookmesometimetocometomysenses.ShelivedinCaliforniaforthedurationofourrelationship.Itmadeiteasierformetoclosemyeyestoalotofthereasonswewouldhaveneverworked.”
“Thatmakessense.Youhadreunionsexoverandover.Itwouldbehardtogivethatup.”
Myjawtensedathercasualreferencetomefuckinganotherwoman.Ididn’tfeelsocasualwhenIthoughtofherwithanyotherman.
“You’reright.Itwaseasiertostaythango.Plus,therewasapartofmethatwantedtoproveElliotwrong.”
“Ibethetookyourbreakupwell.”Shepressedherlipstogethertoholdbackagrin.
“Excusemeforcallingyourbrotheranasshole,butthatassholethrewaticker-tapeparadewhenItoldhimwewereover.”
“Verycomforting,”shequipped.
“Ididn’tneedcomforting.”EvenifIhad,theideaofElliotofferingcomfortwaslaughable.
Shekickedmesoftlyunderthetable.“Didn’tyouloveher?”
Ichuffed,pickingupmyfork.“Doweneedtokeeptalkingaboutthis?”Iscoopedalargebiteofmyquicklycoolingdinnerintomymouth.Elisewasdeterminedtokeepmetalking.
“Youaskedmeallsortsofpryingquestions,Westie.It’sonlyfairIgettoaskthesame.Youmusthavelovedhertobewithherforthreeyears.”
Iscoopedanotherlargebiteontomyfork.“Itwassomethinglikelove.IthoughtIwantedtomarryher,butwhenweended,Iwasn’theartbroken.”
“Marriage?Wow.”
“Wewouldhavebeendivorcedwithinayearifwe’devenmadeitdowntheaisle.”
I’dbeentoyingwithbuyingaring.Lookingback,Icouldn’tevenrememberwhy.Isupposedit’dfeltlikethenextnaturalstep.
WhenI’dbroughtuptheideaofmarriage,MarisoltoldmeuntilI’dfoundawaytoloveherasmuchasmycompany—notmore,butequally—shecouldn’tmarryme.
Therehadbeennotears.We’dgonebacktoherhouse,likealways,andhadspentthenightinherbed.WhenIleftthenextday,I’dbeenrelieved.WhenIthoughtofmycalendarandallthetimethathadbeenfreedupwithoutagirlfriendtoconsider,Irealizedshe’dbeenright.
Iwasn’theartless.Ihadmissedher.Butthefactwas,Igotoverthatquickly.
TodayhadbeenmyfinalstrawwithMarisol.ThewayshedismissedElise,thentriedtostakesometypeofridiculousclaimonthedrivehome,hadturnedmesofaroffofher,allmywarmfeelingshadwitheredanddiedrightthenandthere.
Iputdownmyfork.“That’senoughofthattopic.Icanthinkoffarmoreinterestingthingstodiscuss.”
“Idon’tknow.Pryingintoyourpersonallifeisawfullyfunforme.”
“I’dratherbepryingintoyourpants.”
Alaughburstoutofher,andthistime,Ijoinedher.
“Thatwasawful,”shesaidthroughgiggles.
Ithadbeen.Theworstlinethathadeverleftmymouth.Butthepayouthadbeenfartoogreattogiveadamn.ChapterNineteen
Elise
Whenwereturnedtomyhotelroomlastnight,Westonhadbeenalloverme,fuckingmeoverthedeskandagainintheshower.He’dbeenroughandintense,slappingmyassandnippingatmyflesh.
Ihadbeenthesame.I’dsuckedhimuntilmylipswerenumbandmyjawwassore,butithadn’tbeenenough.Myfingertipshadmappedoutthedipsanddivotsofhismuscles.Iexploredhimandheexploredme.
We’dbeenravenousforeachother.Andeachtimewecame,itseemedlikewemightbesated,onlytostartoveragain.Itwashoursbeforeourbodiesfinallygaveout.
Ihadneveronceexperiencedanythinglikeit.Fallingasleepnaked,wrappedaroundhim,himwrappedaroundme,wasanotherfirstforme.
Naked.
Asleep.
Inhisarms.
Lettinghimstayhadbeenamistake.Now,Iknewwhatitwasliketowakeupwithhim,toberousedfromaheavysleepbyhislipsonmyshoulder.
MorningwithWestonmeantwarmkissesandsilkycaresses.Hewastakingcareofmybodywithoutmucheffortfromme.Sleepyorgasmsandthemostdeliciouslazyfuck.Itwasperfect.
Addictive.
Myfacewasburiedinmypillow,fingerscurledintothesheets.
“Prettygirl,Ineedmoredayswakinguplikethis.”Weston’sfacewasnexttomine,hischestagainstmyback,hipsbetweenmyspreadlegsasheleisurelyslidinandoutofme.
“HowmanytimesdoyouthinkIcanbeinsideyoubeforeweflyhometomorrow?”hewhisperedbesidemyear.“EveryspareminuteIhave,I’mgoingtospendeitherinsideyouoreatingyou,baby.”
Ismiledintothepillow.“Aslongasyouleavesometimeformetosuckyou.”
Hegrunted,slammingintomewithmoreforce.“Youreallylovesuckingcock,don’tyou?”
“Yourcock,West.Ilovehowyoufeelonmytongue.Almostasmuchaswhenyou’reinsideme.”
Thegroanthatheemittedcamefromsomewheredeepinhischest.“Ohfuck,Elise.Howareyousoperfect?Yourpussyfeelslikeitwascustommadeforme,andyourdirtylittlemouthsaysexactlywhatIwanttohear.I’mnotgonnawanttogiveyouup.”
“Youhavemenow,”Imurmured.
Hepressedintome,puttingmoreofhisweightonmyback.Themattresswassoft,sowesanktogether,onewrithing,rollingform.Weston’smouthonlyleftmetowhisperdirtythingsinmyear
Ourbodiesslappingtogetherechoedoffthewalls.Astimepassed,noendinsight,Weston’sskinheatedmine,ourperspirationmingled,andweslideasilyagainsteachother.
Hewassothickandlong,fillingme,stretchingme,rubbingthespotshe’dmadetenderinsideme.Thedullpainonlyservedtohighlightthepleasurecoursingthroughme.
Lazydidn’tmeandelicious.Languiddidn’tmeanhehadn’twokeneveryoneofmynerveendings.Westonknewhowtofuck,andhisskillswerecateredtome,downtohisbreathonthebackofmyneck.
Ishudderedbeneathhim,anorgasmrollingthroughmefromnowhere.
“West,”Icriedweakly.“Ineedyousomuch.”
“That’sit,baby.”Heswiveledhiships,grindingintome.“I’mhere.Takewhatyouneed.”
Iwhimperedandrubbedmyfaceintomypillowasmyinnerwallsflutteredaroundhim.Hegruntedbesidemyear,desperationtingingthegutturalsound.
“Comeforme,West,”Icoaxed.“Letmefeelit.”
Rearingbacktohisknees,hetookholdofmyhips,liftingthemfromthemattress.Languidslippedintoheated,wildpounding.Hishipsslammedintomyass,fingersdiggingintomyflesh.Mynailsscrabbledagainstthesheets,andmyheadtippedbackfromthepillowastheorgasmhe’dgivenmespiraledintoanother.
Mymoanswerehoarseandloud,drownedoutbythesoundsofourfuckingandWeston’sfrenziedgrunts.
Hepushedindeep,sodeep,myeyesflewopen,andInearlyscreamedattheraw,needyfeelofhimhittingtheendofme.Hestayedthere,pulsing,bellowingmyname.Ipantedandthrustback.
Iwasfloating.
Hotandsticky.
So,sosatisfied.
Westondidn’tmakemelovemybody,butwhenweweretogether,theswitchthatmademehatepartsofitflippedoff.Hismouthandfingersandcock,thewayhelookedatmeandsaidfilthythingstome,strippedmeofmyinsecuritiesandallowedmetobenothingmorethanasexual,sensualbeing.
ItwasexactlywhatIneededrightnow.
HowwasIsupposedtogivethisupaftertomorrow?
Wewereupanddressed,readytoleavefortheday,WestonsharpandintimidatinginhissleeksuitforhismeetingswithhisAsiansupplymanagers,meoutdoorsyandathleticinmyleggings,T-shirt,andAndesfleecevestformyrockclimbingadventures.
Westonfrownedatme.“I’mnothappyaboutthis.”
Ismoothedhislapelsandbrushedimaginarydustfromhisshoulders.“Asyou’vetoldmemanytimes,andit’sbeendulynoted.You’llbespendingthedaywithyourex-girlfriendwhowantstorideyourdick,andI’llbewatchingabunchofsweatymenclimbrocksandasserttheirmanliness.Wecantakeourjealousyoutoneachothertonight.”
Hescoffed,butIsawthehitchofhismouthbeforeheturnedaway.He’dbeenstickingtohisstorythathiswarinessovermegoingrockclimbingwiththemenIhadinterviewedyesterdaywasoutofconcernformysafety.WestonAldrichdidnotadmittobeingjealous.
Butitwasobvious,andwebothknewit.
Wealsoknewitwasuseless.Wedidn’tbelongtoeachotheroutsideofmyhotelroom,andthistimetomorrow,wewouldn’tevenhavethat.
Igrabbedhishand,pullinghimbacktowardme.“KissmesoIdon’tforgetaboutyou.”
Hetookmyfaceinhishands,scowlingfiercely.“Ifyoueventrytoforgetaboutme,I’lltattoomynameontheinsideofyoureyelids.”
Andthenhismouthwasonmine,givingmethekindofkissI’dhavetobedeadtoforget.
Ispentthemorningandearlyafternoongoingbackandforthbetweentakingnotesandbeingawedatthehumanbody’sabilitytodefygravity.
Elias,Cameron,andtenotherathletichumansintheirclimbinggroupwereshowingoffforme,Iwassureofit.Theyscaledsheerrockfaceswithinch-deepfingerholdsliketheywereSpiderman
Elias,aguyaroundmyagewhowasbasicallyabigballofenergy,cameovertowhereIwassittingandwatching.Hehadanicesmileandaneasylaugh.
Heheldhishandouttome.“Comeon.”
“Why?”
“You’regoingtoclimb.”
“No,Ican’tdothat.”
Heshookhishand.“Comeon.Youdon’tknowifyoudon’ttry.”
Hehadapoint,andsinceI’dbeengettingbacktotrustingandlovingmybody,Isighedandtookhishand.Whatwastheworstthatcouldhappen?I’dfallonmyass?IfIdid,I’dneverseeanyofthesepeopleagain.Besides,they’dspentagoodportionoftheirtimeoutherefallingandbrushingthemselvesoff,whycouldn’tI?
Hetookmetoaboulderhesaidwasforbeginners.Itwastenfeettallwithacraggysurface.Istaredatit,wonderinghowtheyexpectedmetoclimbit.
Afewothersfromthegroupcameover,pointingoutallthespotsIshouldputmyfingersandtoesasIclimbed.Then,theytoldmetotry.
Justlikethat,Iwasexpectedtoclimbagiantrock.
SoIdid.
AndIfell.
Againandagain,myasscollidedwiththematontheground.
Everysingletime,theycheeredforme.
Andeverysingletime,Igotalittlehigher.
Iwasaching,surelybruised,butonceIgotgoing,Ididn’tconsidergivinguponce.
CameronsnappedpicturesofmefivefeetoffthegroundandshowedmewhenIdroppeddown.Tomysurprise,I’dbeensmilinglikealunatic.
“You’reabadass,”heproclaimed.“Ifyouhadmoretimehere,I’dhaveyouscalingthiswithyoureyesclosed.”
Laughing,Iswipedsweatfrommyforehead.“MaybeI’llcomeback.”
EliasslidnexttoCameron,throwinghisarmaroundhisfriend.“DidIhearyousaysomethingaboutcomingback?”
Myeyeswidened.“Isaidmaybe.Nopromisesweremade.I’llhavetohitcharidewiththeCEO,andhe’sknownforbeinggrumpy.”
Eliasrolledhiseyes.“Thatcatneversmiles.IseveryoneatAndeslikethat?”
Iwavedmyhandaround.“Hello,Andesemployee.Ismile,andMr.Aldrichdoestoo.Besides,don’tyouseetheAndes’fieldteamallthetime?Theycan’tallbefrowninggrumps.”
“Nah.”Cameronrolledhisheadonhisneck,thecracksloudenoughtomakemewince.“Weusedtoseethemallthetime,andtheywereseriousasshit.Idon’tmindthemnotcomingaroundanymore.Wegottakeepthevibesup,youknow?”
“What—?”
Eliasreachedformyhand,cuttingoffmyquestion,andpulledmetowardtheboulderagain.“Stoptryingtodistractus.You’renotfinished.Westillhavehoursofdaylightleft.I’mdeterminedtogetyoutothetop.”
Icrinkledmynose.“Idon’tknow…”
“Ido.”Eliaspointedtotherock.“Getonit,girl.”
Icouldthinkofahundredexcusesnottogetbackon,butdespitemyachingarms,sorebutt,andbrokenfingernails,IboughtintoCamandElias’senthusiasm.
InthewordsofCam,Iwasgoingtoconquerthisbitch.ChapterTwenty
Weston
ElisewasintheshowerwhenIletmyselfintoherroom.Ishedmyclothesonthewalktothebathroom.Ithadbeenalongday,filledwithmeetingsIcouldn’tcutshort,despitemydesiretodoso.
WhenIreachedthebathroom,Istoppedinmytrackstostandoutsidetheshowerstall,watchingElise.Herheadwastippedback,rinsingherhair.MydickthrobbedasItookinherdelicious,lushcurves.Hergorgeousbigtits.Hersoft,roundhipsandslopedstomach.ThatassthatfeltabsolutelyunbelievablewhenIwastakingherfrombehind.
Thatassthatwascoveredinbruises.
What?
Tearingopentheshowerdoor,Idroppedtomykneestoexamineher.
Shescreeched,spinningawayfromme.“Weston!Whatthehell?”
Grippingherhips,Itriedtoturnher.“Whatisthat?”
“What?”Sheswattedatmyhands.“Getup,youscaredtheshitoutofme!”
“Whydoesyourasslooklikeyoujusthadthespankingofalifetime?”
Shewentstill,thenslowlypeekedoverhershoulderatherbackside.“Oh.Itlooksworsethanitfeels.”
“Explain.”
Herfingershookedtheundersideofmychin.“ComeuphereandIwill.”
SensingIwasn’tgoingtowinthisrightnow,Irosetomyfeetandcrowdedherspaceuntilherbreastswereflattenedagainstme.
“Explain,Elise.”
Shehookedherarmsaroundmyneck,bouncingontheballsofherfeet.“Iwentrockclimbingtoday,andIfellalot.Youshouldhaveseenme,West.Actually,Ihaveavideoandsomepictures.Ittookmealongtimeandalotoffalls,butImadeittothetopofaten-footboulder.Canyoubelievethat?Me.”
Herexcitementandexplanationeasedsomeofmyboilingconcern,butIdidnotlikeseeingherprettyskinmarkedupbyanyonebutme.Ididnotlikeknowingshe’dendangeredherselfaroundpeopleshebarelyknew.Ididnotlikethatshe’dsharedthisobviouslyincredibleexperiencewiththemenfromthefactory.
“Youcouldhavebrokensomething.”Islidmyhanddownherbacktogentlycupherass.“I’mnotconvincedyoudidn’t.”
“I’mnotinanyrealpain.It’sjustthatIbruiseeasily,likeapeach.Allmyfallswereontoamat.Ireallywasn’ttryingtohurtmyself.”Herlipstouchedthecenterofmychest.“Tellmeyou’reproudofme.”
Isqueezedhercheek,andwhenshedidn’twince,Iwasabletobreatheslightlyeasier.
“There’sneverbeenadayIhaven’tbeenproudofyou.”Dippingdown,Icapturedhermouthinaslow,lickingkiss.Myhearthadn’tstoppedthrashing.Iwasn’tcertainIwasexactlypleasedwithherrightnow,butIneededherkisslikeananchorinastorm.
Herlipskeptmefromdriftingintoblackness.
Istayedinhersweetsoftness.
Eventually,Ilethermouthgo,andwefinishedwashingourselves.Showeroff,Idriedher,thenquicklyrubbedmyselfdownwithatowelwhileshecombedthroughherwethairatthevanity.Isteppedupbehindher,circlingmyarmsaroundhertocupherbreasts.
Welookedgoodtogether.Thetopofherheadalignedwithmyjaw.Heroliveskinwasafewshadesdarkerthanmine.Myfingersspreadwideoverherbreasts.Herdark-rednipplespeekedoutfrombetweenthem.Iwasstraight,whileshewasallcurves.Herpinklipswereplushandturnedupatthecorners.Lightdancedinherdeep-browneyes.Mymouthandeyeswereflatandintent,concentratingonElise.
Thecontrastbetweenus—ourshapes,ourshades,ourexpressions—wasart.Sensual,eroticart.
“You’regorgeous,”Itoldher.
Sheletherheadfallbackandreacheduptocupthebackofmyneck.“Youaretoo.”
“Welookgoodtogether.”
Asighfellfromher.“Iknow.”
Irolledhernipplebetweenmyfingersandsmoothedmyotherhandaroundherback,pressingonher.
“Bendforwardforme.”
Shecaughtmyeyeinthemirrorandherbottomlipbetweenherteeth.Shewaswary.Uncertain.
“Elise.Bendforward.Letmeseewhatyoudidtoyourself.”
“Bossy,”shemurmuredbreathlessly.
Slowly,shebentinhalf,restingherbreastsandelbowsonthecounter.IdroppedtomykneesbehindherandpushedherlegsapartsoIcouldseeallofher.Notjustthemottledandbruisedskinthatmademefeellikeanuntetheredmadmanbutthepeakofpinknestledbetweenherthighs.Thatmademefeelmadtoo,butnotinanunhingedway.
Trailingmyfingersalongherslit,Ikissedeachandeverybruiseonherroundass.
“Youdamagedyourself,baby.”Idraggedmytonguealongtheedgeofthevalleybetweenhercheeks.Goosebumpssprungupinmywake,andEliseshuddered.“Wasitworthit?”
“What?”shebreathed.
“Hurtingyourself.”Ilickedalongtheotherside.Shewassosoft,drivingmeoutofmymind.“Wasitworthit?”
“Yeah.Itwasworthitbeforeyougotdownonyourkneesforme.Thisisareally,reallygoodbonus.”
“I’mthebonus?”Ithrusttwofingersinsideher.“Notthemainevent?”
Shemewled,archingherback.“Itwasareallybigrock,West.”
“Wasit?”Mythumbfoundherclit.“That’sspecial.Diditmakeyoucomeharderthanyoueverhaveinyourlife?”
Shelaughedandmoanedallatonce.“Thatwouldhavebeenstrange.”
Ikissedmywayupherbackandclampeddownonhershoulder.Herasspressedintomeassherockedonmyhand.Ilickedherneck,jaw,andear,makingamessofher.Hersoundsofpleasureechoedoffthetiles.
“I’mcoming,West.”
Asshestartedtoletgo,Ipulledmyfingersoutandslidmycockintheirplace.Herheadrearedback,hittingmyshoulder.Icuppedherthroat,rubbedmythumbalongthehingeofherjaw,anddippeddowntolickinsideheropen,gaspingmouth.
“Ithinkyouneedareminder,”Isaidagainstherlips.
Sheturnedherhead,nippingatmybottomlip.“Ido?”
“Yes.”Jerkingmyhips,Islammedintoher.“Lookatus,baby.”
Sheturnedbacktothemirror.Oureyesmet.Desireflaredbetweenusinourreflection.TherehadneverbeenatimewhenIhadbeenmoreattractedtoawoman.Itwasmadnesswhatsimplylookingatherdidtome.
“SeewhatIdotoyou?”Istrokedherhair,gatheringitawayfromherface.“Thisisthemainevent.Youandme,likethis.Nothing’sbigger,isit?”
Sheshookherhead.“No,nothing.”
“WhenI’minsideyou,it’syouandme.Nothingelsematters.”
“It’sthesameforme.”
“Thisbodyisimportanttome.”Islippedmyhandfromherjawdowntoherbreast,kneadingithard.“ItkillsmetoseeyouhurtwhenallIwanttodoismakeyoufeelgood.”
“Youdo.BetterthananythingI’veeverexperienced.”Shepushedoffthevanity,meetingeachoneofmythrusts,takingmedeeper,harder.“Please,West.Please.”
“Doyouwantmore,beautiful?”
“Mmmhmm.More,please.”
“Anything,Elise.Anythingyouwant,I’llgiveittoyou.”
Later,afterwelefttheroomfordinnerandadrinkatthehotelbar,afterI’dtoldhertheboring,tediousdetailsofmydayandshe’dsharedtheheart-stoppingpicturesandvideosofhers,afterwe’dshoweredandfuckedagain,afteramovieandablowjobonthecouch,afterpajamasandyawnsandrunningfromtheendofthenight,wegaveinandtuckedourselvesunderthecovers.
Werolledtowardeachother,andIstrokedhercheekwithmythumb.“Areyougoodwitheverything?”
Herlidswereheavyassheblinkedatme.“Everything?”
“Yes.Everythingbetweenusendingtomorrow.”
“Mmm.”Shepressedhercheektomyhand.“Yes.Ithasto,doesn’tit?Idon’twanttosneakaround,andtellingElliotwouldbe—”
“Impossible.”
Itwoulddestroyourfriendship,thatIknew.Hewouldseemegoingafterhissisterasabetrayal.TherewasnograyareaforElliot.Rightwasright.Wrongwaswrong.
Theruleswereunspoken,buttheywerestampedalloverEliseLevy.
Off-limits.
No-gozone.
Evenifthatweren’ttrue,IhadenoughexperiencewithrelationshipstoknowIwasbadatthem.IwouldneverhurtElise,whichmeantwecouldneverbemorethanalostweekend.
Shewassleepyandunbothered,nuzzlingmypalmashereyesdriftedclosed.Perhapsshewouldn’tevenwantmorethanwhatwealreadyhad.
“Don’tworryaboutathing,Westie.Gotosleep.”
“I’mnotworried.”
Regretful,notworried.
Sherolledintome,herheadonmyshoulder,fingerssplayedonmystomach.Ipulledhercloser,armwrappedaroundher.
Shewassoft,fittedagainstmelikeshe’dalwaysbeenthere.
Thiswastemporary.
Endingsoon.
Butfornow,tonight,Elisewasmine.
TheflightbacktoColoradowassubdued,butatleastElisesatbesideme.Withmyhandtuckedinthecreaseofherthigh,Ispentmostofmytimereadingemailsandreports,glancingoveratEliseintermittently.
Shereadapaperbackforhalftheflight,absentlystrokingmyhandandwristeveryonceinawhile.
Withasigh,sheclosedthebookandhereyes.
“Finished?”Iasked.
Herlipstippedup.“Yeah.”
“Goodending?”
Hereyesflutteredopen,andsheturnedtome.“Ahappyone.”
Ismirked.“Fictionthen.”
Shedraggedherhanddownmyface.“Shush,youcynic.”
“Realist.Howmanyhappyendingsdoyoupersonallyknowabout?”
“Plenty.Aren’tyourparentsmarried?”
Ishiftedinmyseat,squeezingherthigh.“They’renotaprimeexampleofeverlastinglove,Elise.Tryagain.”
Myparents’marriagewasforshow.Theymayhavelovedeachotheratonetime,butIhadnomemoryofaffectionbetweenthem.Thesedays,theysharedahome,buttheirliveswereentirelyseparate.Iwasfairlysurethatwasn’tthekindofhappyendinginElise’sbooks.
Shetappedthedivotinherchin.“Rebecca.”
“ShouldIknowwhothatis?”
“Youshouldsincesheworksforyou.Rebeccaismarriedtoherhighschoolsweetheart,Sam.Shestillblusheswhenshetalksabouthim.So,I’dsay,yeah,happyendingsarereal.”
“Hmmm.”Iangledmyupperbodytowardhers,mynosebrushinghers.“IthinkIneedabiggerpooltobelieveit.”
“We’renotinCaliforniaanymore,West.Whatareyoudoing?”
“We’renothomeeither.”Mylipsbrushedhers.“Givemeanotherhourortwo.”
“Aren’tIoutofyoursystemyet?”
Cuppingherjaw,Isuckedherbottomlipbetweenmine.“Gettingthere.AnotherhourortwoandI’llforgetwhatyousoundlikewhenyoucome.It’salreadygettinghazy.”
“Wow,Ifeelsorryforyou.”Shelickedtheseamofmymouthwiththetipofhertongue.“I’vecompletelyforgottenwhatyoufeellikeinmymouth.Infact,I’mnotentirelycertainwhoyouare.”
“Strangethatyou’rekissingme.”
“Well,youstartedit.IthoughtitwouldberudeifIpushedyouaway.”
Withahuff,Ifellbackinmyseat.ShegrinnedatmebeforepickingupherphoneandopeningtheKindleapp.
“Doyouhaveanotherbooktoread?”Iasked.
“Mmmhmm.Idownloadedahorrorstory.”Hereyesflickedtomine.“Don’tworry,there’snohappyending.Ireadspoilers.Everyonediesexceptforthehero,whospendstherestofhisdaysallbyhimselfinabig,emptypenthouse,countinghismoney.”
Ipinchedherinnerthigh,makinghersqueal.“I’mreportingyoutoHRforinsubordination.”
Shenarrowedhereyes.“Doyourworst,Mr.Aldrich.”
Thoughitpainedme,Ialwayshiredadrivertotakemetoandfromtheairport.Theideaofleavingmycarintheelementsmademetootwitchy.
Thistime,Ipattedmyselfonthebackformyforesight.AssoonasIclimbedintothebackseatbesideElise,Ihadherfaceinmygraspandmymouthonhers.
Shemadeayelpofsurprise,andherhandsflewtomywrists,butwhenIlickedherlips,shesankintothekissandletmein.Thedrivehomewasn’tlongenoughtodoanythingmore,butIintendedtousethelastofourtimealonewisely.
Elisehadotherideas.
Shepulledback,panting,rubbingherfingertipsoverherwetlips.“Weston,don’t.”
“Tellmewhynot.”
Sheletoutalongsigh.“Youknow.Wecan’tdothishere.Drawingitoutwillonlymakeitharder.”
Itookherchinbetweenmyfingers,scanningherface.“You’vegivenmenoindicationthatendingthisishardforyou.”
“Obviouslyitis.”Shepulledherfacebackoutofmygrip.“Wehadfun,butInowknowasideofyouIdidn’tbeforeandit’sgoingtobehardtoshutthatoff.Iwill,butitwon’tbeeasy.”
“Iwilltoo.It’sbetterthatway.”
Herheadbobbedsharply.“Itis.”
Itookherfaceinmyhandsagain,rubbingmylipsoverhers.“Whatharmwouldonemoretimedo?Idon’tthinkIcanshutthisoffuntilIhaveyouagain.”
Sheshuddered,restingherforeheadonmine.“Weston…it’snotsmart.”
“Nothingaboutwhatwe’redoingissmart,Elise.Tellmeyes.Tellmeyou’llcomeuptomyplaceandletmehaveyou.”Irolledmyforeheadbackandforthonhersandpressedonherbottomlipwithmythumb.“Ifuckingneedyou,baby.Givemetoday.”
Herbreathsweptovermymouthassheexhaled.“I—”
“Don’tsayno.”
Shepulledback,herdarkeyeslatchingontomine.Herfingersstrokedthethickstubbleonmyjawthenloweredtoslidealongmythroat.
“Onemoretime,”shewhispered.
Thefeelingofreliefthatcrashedovermewasshockinginitsstrength.ButIdidn’tstoptoanalyzeitorponderwhy.IhadEliseinmyarms,mymouthonhers,devouringhersweetlips,hercurvespressedagainstme.
Onemoretime.
Itwouldbeenough.Ihadnoroominmylifeforanythingmore.ChapterTwenty-one
Elise
Bythetimeourcarpulledupinfrontofourbuilding,mylipsfeltpuffyandbitten.Staidandserious,WestonAldrichcouldbeananimalwhenhewasinthemood,andhe’dgoneferalonme.
God,Iwasgoingtomissit.
Atleastwestillhadtoday.
Westonclimbedoutofthecarfirst,holdinghisleathermessengerbaginfrontofthebulgeinhispants,sohedidn’tscarinnocentpassersbyforlife.Snickeringquietly,Islidoutbehindhim.Hetookmyhand,helpingmetostandandontothesidewalk.
Whilewewaitedforthedrivertograbourbagsfromthetrunk,heatsimmeredbetweenus.Hisgazehadgonemoltenashestaredatmyswollenlips.
Fortunately,weonlyhadtomakeitupstairsbeforewewentateachother.
“Elise.Weston.”
Atthesoundofournames,weturnedtofindElliotexitingourbuilding,asmallsmileplayingonhislips.IttookeverythinginmypowernottojumpawayfromWestonwhenwewerealreadyacouplefeetapart.
“Elliot?Whatareyoudoinghere?”Whenhereachedme,Ileanedforwardtokisshimonthecheek.HegavemeasidehugbeforesteppingbackandshakingWeston’shand.
“AreyoureallysurprisedIwouldwanttoseeyouafteryouwereawayforsolong?”heasked.
Ichuckled,despitemyplummetingstomach.Somuchforonemoretime.“Threenights,El.That’sbarelyablip.”
Herockedbackonhisheels,hishandstuckedintohispockets.“So,Iwanttohangoutwithmysister.Doyouhaveabetteroffer?”
IwilledmyselfnottoglanceatWeston.“Yourideaofhangingouthadbetterinvolvesittingonmycouchwatchingmoviesbecausethat’salltheactivityIhavetheenergyfor.”
Helaughed,turninghisattentiontoWeston.“Itsoundslikeyou’reworkingyouremployeestothebone,Aldrich.”
Inmyperiphery,Westonwentrigid.“Youknowme.Iliketomaketheworkenvironmentaspainfulaspossibleandkeepmyemployeeschaineddownsotheycanneverleave,”hedeadpanned.
Westonstartedformybag,butElliotbeathimtoit.“I’vegotElise’sthings.Youcanheaduptoyourplaceanddowhateveritisyoudowhenyou’reallalone.”
WestonandIfinallyexchangedaglance.Hesmirked,buthisdisappointmentwaspalpable.“Countmymoney.That’swhatIdowhenI’malone.”
“Makesurenottogetanypapercuts,”Iquippedhalfheartedly.
AsmuchasI’dprotested,I’dwantedthatfinaltimewithhim,andnowitwouldneverhappen.
Westonstoodbehindmeintheelevator,Elliotbesideme.Hishandbrushedupanddownthecenterofmyback,featherlight,butIfeltittomytoes.
Thedoorslidopenonmyfloor,histouchfallingaway.Itwistedaroundtofacehim.
“Bye,Weston.Haveagoodrestofyourweekend.”
Henoddedtome,hisexpressionunreadable.“Thankyou,Elise.Youdidanoutstandingjobonthistrip.Iwon’tforgetit.”
Heatrosetomycheeks.“Iwon’teither,”Imouthedbeforespinningawaytofollowmybrotherdownthehall.
IletElliotintomyapartment,sighingpasttheknotinmychest.SaoirsewasinWyomingvisitingherdad,brother,andsister-in-lawfortheweekend,sowehadtheplacetoourselves.
Hecarriedmybagtomybedroom,settingitdownontheendofthebed.ThenheleanedagainstthedoorjambwhileIsetaboutunpacking.Heknewmewellenoughnottoquestionmyneedtoorganizeimmediately.Wewerethesamethatway.
“Tellmethetruth,”hestarted.
Iraisedmyheadfrommystackofclothes.“About…?”
“HowisWestonasaboss?”
“Oh,he’sfine.Wedon’thavealotofinteractiononadailybasis.”
“Youdidonthistrip,though.”
“Somewhat.”Ohgod,Ihatedlyingtomybrother.“Whilewewereatthefactories,hedidhisthing,andIdidmine.”
Hisbrowlowered.“Hetookcareofyou,though?Madesureyouwereinyourroomatnight?”
IfheonlyknewhowwellWestonhadtakencareofme…
“Hedid.Ipromise,helookedoutforme,eventhoughitwasn’tnecessary.”Iputmyhandsonmyhipsandcrinkledmynose.“WhodoyouthinklookedoutformewhenIwasinChicago?”
Hescoffed.“Itsureashellwasn’tPatrick.”
Ipressedahandtomyachingchest.“Ouch.Punchlanded.”
Elliot’sstancesoftenedinfinitesimally.“Itwasn’tintendedasapunch.Nottoyou,anyway.Mypointwas,itdrovemecrazyknowingyouwerehalfwayacrossthecountrywithamanIcouldn’ttrusttokeepyoucaredfor.”
Droppingmyeyestomybag,Iresumedunpacking.“Well,youwererightabouthim,andnowI’mbackhere,underyourwatch.”
“Mycaringforyoushouldn’tmakeyouangry.IfDadwerehere,hewouldbesayingthesamethingsIam.”
“Hemight,buthewoulddoitgently.”
“Unfortunatelyforyou,Ididn’ttakeafterhiminthegentlenessdepartment.Hegaveallofthattoyou.”
Ilookedatmybrother,suckinginabreath.Hereallywassogoodtome.Itwasunfairformetobegrumpybecausehe’dinterruptedwhatWestonandIshouldn’thavebeendoinganyway.
“Youdon’tneedtobegentletobegood,whichyouare,El.Thanksforgivingashit.”
“Always,El.”Hecrossedtomeandpickedupmyemptiedbag,placingitonthehighestshelfinmycloset.Hisversionofawarmhug.“Now,whatterriblemovieareyougoingtomakemewatchwithyou?”
Mondaymorning,therewasaPost-itwaitingformeonmydesk.IlaughedoutloudwhenIreadit.
Fratricideistheactofkillingone’sownbrother.
SoWestonwasstillgrumpyaboutbeinginterruptedbyElliot.Tobefair,Istillregretteditaswell,butmurderhadn’tcrossedmymind.
Withagrin,Itypedupanemailtomyboss.
To:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
From:eliselevy@andesinc.com
DearGrumpyBoss,
I’mconcernedaboutastickynoteonmydeskthismorning.
Youmighthaveanemployeecontemplatingactsofviolenceagainsttheirownsibling.Whywouldonedosuchathing?Ican’tthinkofapossiblereason.
Onanothernote,myownbrotherspentthenightatmyapartmentafterIgothimdrunkonWhiteRussiansandmadehimwatchzombieflicks.Agoodtimewashadby…well,notall.Mostlyme.
Ihopetherestofyourweekendwasequallyfun.
Wishfully,
Elise
Afterthat,Iwasburiedunderpilesofwork,onlystoppingtohavelunchwithRebeccaandSimonandtoshooMilesawayfrommydesk.Periodically,Icheckedmyemails,butsinceI’dreceivednoresponse,IimaginedWestonwasfivetimesasbusyasIwas.
Bytheendoftheday,IsubmittedmyfirststorytoSalmaandhadpreppedmynotestowriteanotherone.Iwasshuttingdownmycomputerwhenanemailcamein.
To:eliselevy@andesinc.com
From:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
DearElise,
Thatdoessoundconcerning.Mightyouhavemistakentheintendedsubjectofviolence?Perhapsyoushouldbelookingclosertohome.
Onecan’thelpwondering,whatwasyourfirstreactionwhenyoureadthePost-it?
Asforyourothersubject,myweekendstartedoffhotbutendedupcoldandlonely.I’mhappyyourswasmoreenjoyablethanmine.YoudeserveitafterhowhardIworkedyouonourtrip.
Haveyourecovered?
Concernedly,
Weston
To:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
From:eliselevy@andesinc.com
DearGrumpyBoss,
Iprobablyshouldn’ttellyouIlaughedoutloudwhenIfirstreadthenote.PerhapsIshouldbeconcernedaboutmyself
I’msorryyourweekenddidn’tendaswellasitstarted.Atleastyou’llhavethememoriesofthegoodtimes.IknowIliketotakemyfavoritememoriestobedwithmesoIcanthinkaboutthemwhenI’mallalone…
Sinceit’snowpast5:00pmandI’mstillexhaustedfromhowhardyouworkedmeonourtrip,I’llbesigningoffforthenight.
Havealovelyevening,Weston.
Warmly,
Elise
Ishutdownmycomputerandgatheredmythings.IfIdidn’tleavenow,ImighthavebeentemptedtosneakuptoeightandknockonWeston’sdoor.Sincethatwasn’tprofessionalorsmart,Icutmylossesandrodedowntothelobbyinstead.
MyphonevibratedwithatextfromSaoirseaskingaboutmydinnerplans.IwasreplyingtoherasIheadedoutside,soIwasn’tpayingascloseattentiontomysurroundingsasIshouldhave.
Ineversawhimcoming.
“Elise.”Myname,croaked.Myarm,grabbed.
Startled,Itriedtopullbackatthesametimemyheadwhippedupandmyeyeslandedonmyex-boyfriend.
Patrick’sfingerstightenedonmyarm,buthiswordswereweakandpleading.“Don’trunaway.Iflewoutheretoseeyou.”
“I—”IwassoshockedathispresenceIhadnocluehowtorespond.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”
He’dgottenthinner,hadlethisbeardgrowthick.HaditbeentwomonthssinceIlastsawhim?Standinginfrontofmenow,itcouldhavebeenyearswithhowdrasticallybothhisappearanceandmyfeelingsforhimhadchanged.
“Isn’titobvious?Icametoseeyou.I’mhereforyou,Elise,soyoucantellmewhythehellyouleftme.”
Weweremakingasceneinfrontofmyofficebuilding.Mycoworkerswerestreamingout,peeringwarilyatmeandtheloud,disheveledman.Itwasbadenoughhewashere.Addingwitnessesonlyfurtheredmyhumiliation.
“Loweryourvoice,please.Thisismyjob,Patrick.”
Hethrewouthisfreehand.“DoyouknowhowcrazyI’vebeengoing?Yourfriendsandbrotheralmosthadmeconvincedyouwereneverreal.Canyoubelievethat?Iguessitisbelievablesinceyou’retheonewhoremovedeverytraceofyourselffrommylife.Butyoujustsaidmyname.Yousaidit,soIknowitwasreal.”
“Please,just—”
“Elise,”hecriedhoarsely.Hewasn’tangry.Hewasutterlydespondent.Ihatedthatseeinghimthiswayaffectedme,butitdid.“Iloveyou,sweetheart.Ineedyoutotalktome.Please,justfuckingtalktome.”
Hemovedfast,yankingmeintohimandwrappinghisarmaroundthebackofmyneck.
“Patrick,stop.”
Oureyesmet.Hisweresmudgedwithblackunderneath,buttheyweresofamiliar,ithurttolookathimthiscloseup.“I’vemissedyousomuch.”
Thenhismouthcrashedintomine.ChapterTwenty-two
Weston
Leavingtheofficeatfivewasoutrageous,especiallyafterbeingoutoftownforhalfaweek.Yet,hereIwas,stridingacrossthelobby,hopingIwasfastenoughtocatchupwithElise.
WhenIcaughther,IhadnoideawhatIwasgoingtodowithher.
Dinner,maybe.
WhiteRussiansandzombieflicks.
Christ,wasIjealousofthetimeshe’dspentwithherownbrother?
Itwasentirelyirrational,butIwas.Iwantedthattimeformyself.
Stalkingoutofthebuilding,Ilookedleft,thenright.I’dfoundElise,allright,butshewasn’talone.Sometall,beardedfuckhadhismouthonher.
Possessivenessroaredinsideme.Bitterdisappointmentcloudedmyvision.She’dmovedbacktoherlumberjacktheminuteshegothome.
Itwasherright.Shewasn’tmine.Sowhythefuckdidbetrayalstabatmychest?
Ifoundmyselfbackingup,preparingtoturnaroundandgoinsidewhereIbelongedwhenEliserippedherselfawayfromthemanwho’dbeenholdingher.
Myvisioncleared.Thiswasn’tThomas,andElisedidn’tlookhappy.
Hegrabbedather,catchingherbytheelbow.“Stopit,Patrick.Thiswasn’ttalking,norwasitwelcome.Youcan’tjustkissme.That’sover.”
Patrick.
IwasonthembeforeIacknowledgedIwasgoingtomove.MyarmbandedaroundElise’smiddle,easilypullingherfromtheotherman’sgrasp.
“Youheardher,”Isnapped.“Youneedtoleave.”
Atthesoundofmyvoice,Elisemeltedagainstme,slidingaroundtomyside
Herex’seyesnarrowedonwherewewereholdingeachother.Iscoffed,raisingmychin.
“That’sright.She’sminenow.Youscrewedup,didn’ttreasureher,andIgotthereward.”IgentlymovedElisebehindmeandsteppedintohim.
Hepuffedouthischestlikehewasabigman,butIknewhewassmall.Tiny,even.Ididn’tmeanhisphysicalsize.Iwasreferringtohismind,hisconfidence,theessenceofhim.Thatwasminuscule.
IthadbeenapparenttomethefirsttimeImethim,whenElisehadletherlightdimsothisidiotcouldshine.Shehaddeferredtohim,andwhenshe’dcaughtherselflaughingtoohardorstatinganopinion,shewoulddarthereyestohimandclamphermouthshut.
“Whatisthis?”Patricksnarledatmebeforesofteningtolookather.“Elise,whatisthis?Don’ttellmeyou’rewithsomeoneelse.Don’ttellmethat.”
“I’vemovedon,”sherepliedquietly.
Hethumpedhischest.“Yeah,well,Ishouldhaveasayinthat.Howhaveyoumovedonwhenweneverbrokeup?I’vebeenhuntingyoudowntobegyoutocomebacktomeandyou’vebeenfuckingsomeoneelse?”
Ihadtolaugh.“IthinkEliseghostingyouwasaloudandclearmessagethatyou’rebrokenup.Itisn’therfaultyou’retoodensetounderstand.”
“Thishasnothingtodowithyou,man.EliseandIwerehavingaconversationbeforeyoushowedup.”
“Whatyouaren’tseeingiseverythingtodowithEliseinvolvesme.She’smine.AndwhatIwalkedupondidn’tlooklikeconversation.Itlookedlikeyouwereforcingmygirlintoakiss.”Ipointedtothecornerofthebuilding.“Ifyouneedplayback,thesecuritycamerascapturedtheassaultinrealtime.”
“Weston—”Elisestarted.
“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”Patricksputtered,cuttingheroff.“IkissedherbecauseImissedher.Iwouldneverhurther.”Hetriedtopeeraroundmetogettoher,butIwasabrickwallkeepinghimaway.
“Justgo,Patrick,”shesaidsadly.“We’refinished.”
“Idon’tacceptthat.”Heshovedhisfingersthroughhishair.“Iknowyousawthetexts.Steve’sgirltoldhim,andIgetwhyyou’remad,but—”
“Go!”sheyelled.“Don’tsayanythingelse.Justgo!”
Thepainlashingthroughherwordsalertedme.Whatthehellhadthisguydonetoher?
Patrickstaggeredback.“Elise.God,I’msosorry,sweetheart.Please,pleaseletmeexplain.”
Suddenly,Ialmostfeltsorryforhim.Hewasjustnowcomingtotherealizationhewasn’tgoingtogetherback.Whateverhe’ddone,thedamagehadbeenpermanent,anditwashittinghimlikeatidalwave.
Iheldmyhandouttoher.Sheslippedherwarmpalmintomine,andIdrewherforward,kissinghertemple.
“She’sminenow.Alltakencareof.Youhadfouryearstotreatherright,andyoufailedatthetask.Youmadeherfeelsounsafe,sounwelcomeinherownhome,shemovedacrossthecountrytogetawayfromyou.ButIhavehernow.IrecognizehowluckyIamtoevenbeallowedtostandbesideher.It’stoobadyoudidn’t,butyourlossismygain.Soyoucango.You’renotneededhere.”
Hestaredatherwithwide,shiningeyes.Ifhecried,Iwouldn’thaveblamedhim.LosingElisehadtobegut-wrenching.Butfromthesoundofit,he’ddoneittohimself.
“Iloveyou,Elise,butIcanseeI’mhurtingyou.Evenifyou’refinishedwithme,Ithinkweneedtohaveaconversation.Ican’tforceyou,though.Theball’sinyourcourtnow,sweetheart.I’llwaittohearfromyou.”Heswipedathiseyes.“Andsoyouknow,IamdisgustedwithmyselfforthewayItreatedyou.Iwillneverstopregrettingit.”
Shenodded,butthatwasheronlyresponse.Afteraneternity,Patrickwalkedaway,andIpulledEliseagainstmychestsoshedidn’thavetowatchhim.
“Everyonewillseeus,”shemumbled
“Doesn’tmatter.”Imadelongstrokesupanddownherbackuntilherbodyslowlyloosenedandcurvedintomine.“I’mtakingyouhome.”
“Okay.”
Elisewasinmypenthouse,andIhadnoideawhattodowithher.
Iwantedherhappy.Iwasstilltryingtofigureouthowtomakethathappen,butIwouldn’tstopuntilIreachedmygoal.
Shewaswanderingaroundmylivingroom,trailingherfingersoverthefurnitureandstoppingtoexaminetheartonmywalls.
“Youhavesomuchspace,”shesaid,awed.
“MorethanIneed.”
“Yeah.”Shepeeredoutthefloor-to-ceilingwindows.“It’sbeautiful,though.Notcoldandstark.”
Withashortlaugh,Icockedmyhead.“DidyouassumeI’dwantacoldandstarkhome?”
Shespunaround,startingtowardme.“IsupposeIdidn’tthinkaboutitveryhard,butno,Idon’tthinkyou’dwantthat.You’renotcold.”Herhandssmoothedupmylapels.“Thankyouforbeingthereforme.I’msorryyougotpulledintoallthat,butI’mnotsorryyouwerethere.”
“Don’tthankmeforthat.”
Shelaughed.“Don’tgrowlatmeforthankingyou.”
“Ididn’tknowIhad.”Iswipedmythumbalonghercheek.“Howareyou?”
“I’mfine.”Shegroaned.“Well,notreally.Thatwassoawful.Iimaginedwhatitwouldbelikeifhefoundme,butthatwasso,soreal.He’snotdoingwell.”
“Butyouare,aren’tyou?”
Hereyeswerewetwhentheymetmine,butshenodded.“Iam.I’vespentthistimewalkingthroughitandmakingmyselfbetter.Idon’tthinkhe’sdonethat.”
Myjawhardenedatthesoundofherworry.“Myconcerndoesn’tliewithhim.”
“Iknow.”Aslowsmilespreadacrossherlips.“Youwereright.Youdomakemefeelsafe.”
“Good.”IfIcouldn’tmakeherhappy,atleastIcouldmakeherfeelsafe.“WhatIsaidtoPatrickwasn’tuntrue,youknow.Whileyou’renotmine,IdofeelluckytohaveyouandthatIgettoknowyouagain.Hisfuckupisdefinitelymymostvaluablegain.”
Herfingerscurledaroundmylapels,andshegavethematugwhileshesighed.“Weston.God,don’tsayperfectthingslikethatwhenI’mtryingtokeepholdofmyfeelingsforyou.”
Ismoothedmyhandsfromherwriststohershoulders.“I’llalwaystellyouthetruthandtakecareofyou.Aslongasyouknowit,Idon’thavetosayitoutloudanymore.”
Hergazeheldmine.Theshineinhereyesbroughtouttheflecksofgold.Fuckingdazzling.
“Idoknow.”Shesniffledanddroppedherhands.“Whatdowedonow,pal?”
Ichuckled,thoughitwasbitter.ThelastthingIwantedtobewasElise’spal.“Idon’tknow.IfyouwereLucaorElliot,I’dsaylet’sordertakeoutand—”
“Watchzombieflicks?”Shebouncedonhertoes.
“Mostlikelyagame.”Ishookmyhead.“ButI’llwatchanythingyouwant.”
TheremightnothavebeenWhiteRussians,butinsidemyhead,IwascelebratingthefactthatIwasgoingtogetmycovetedzombieflickswithElise.
Wewereonmycouch,foodinourlaps,choosingamovie.ElisewentforShaunoftheDead,whichI’dneverseenandprobablyneverwouldhaveifnotforthewomanbesideme.
Igaveherthepicklethathadcomewithmyhamburger.Herwidebeamhadbeenthanksenough,butsheleanedoverandkissedmybiceptoo.
She’drunhometochangeoutofherworkclothesandintoleggingsandaT-shirtthathungoffoneshoulder,revealingthestrapofherbra.Thewidenecklinekeptslippinglower,andElisedidn’tseemtobeconcerned.
Myburgerwenthalf-uneatenwhileItrackedthepathofhershirt.Herbrawaspinkand,asI’ddiscovered,lacy.Myfingerstwitchedtopullthenecklinedownanotherinchortwotorevealthecreamyroundtopsofherbreasts.
Iwouldn’t.
Elise’sgigglebroughtmyattentiontothescreen.Aguywalkedthroughhisneighborhood,oblivioustothefires,deadbodies,andbloodyhandprints.
Itshouldhavebeenenoughtoturnmeoff,butmydickdidn’tcareaboutanythingotherthanthewomansittingbesideme.Herskin,herscent,herlaugh,thememoryofthefeelofher,hertaste.
Jesus.
IclosedmyeyesandpicturedElliot,thinkingofthetimemydadknockedmedownthestairs.IthadbeenacarelessaccidentwhenIwasaskinnyten-year-old,morebonethananythingelse.Mydadhadbeendrunkandblundering,pushingmeasidewithoutmuchforce,butsinceI’dbeenatthetopofthestairs,ithadn’ttakenmuchformetotumble
AnapoplecticElliothadhiddenmeinhisroomfortwodays,bringingmebagsoffrozenpeasandicepacksformybruiseswhilemakingdetailedplanstokillmyfather.IfIhadn’tapproved,hisalternateplothadbeentohidemeinhishouseforever.He’dhadlistswithbulletpoints.He’dmeantit.
Ondaythree,whenmymothercameforme,hestoodinfrontofmeuntilIrelentedandagreedtogohomewithher.
Therewasalifetimeofthosekindsofstoriesbetweenus.
Thatwaswhatwasontheline.
IfIwentforwhatItrulywanted,Iwouldberiskingthesinglemostvaluablerelationshipinmylife.EvenifElliotapprovedofmedatinghissister—alongshot—ifthingsdidn’tworkoutwithElise,nothingwouldbethesamebetweenElliotandme.
Withmytrackrecordandmysingle-mindedness,whenitcametomycompany,failurewasthemostlikelyoutcome.
Andyet…
WhenI’dtoldPatrickElisewasmine,Ihadn’tbeenlying.Thewordsleavingmymouthhadbeenthecompletetruth
Thefactthatitwasimpossiblehadn’tenteredmythoughts.
“Areyouevenwatching?”sheasked.
Iliftedmyeyesfromherbra.I’dbeenstaringforawhile,andnowI’dbeencaughtintheact.
“I’mwatchingyouenjoyingyourmovie.”
Shesmiledwithasigh.“I’menjoyingalloftonight.Ididn’tknowyouwerecapableofrelaxing,yethereyousit.Areyoudyingtocheckyouremail?”
“No.Ihaven’tthoughtofit.”Thatwasn’tstrictlytrue.Workwasalwaysonmymind,butwithElise,itwasattheback,onalowsimmer.Thatwasrareforme.
Iletmygazetrailoverher.Herfeetwerekickedupontheottomaninfrontofher.Hertoenailswerepolishedskyblue,andshehadasmallbluecolumbinetattooedontheinsideofherankle.“Whendidyougetthattattoo?”
Sherubbedherfeettogether.“It’stheColoradostateflower.SaoirsetookmetogetitbeforeImoved,soI’dalwayshaveapieceofColoradowithme.”
SomeonescreamedontheTV,butIwasfocusedonher.
“Doyouwantanotherone?”
“Maybe,ifthere’sanothermomentinmylifeIwanttomarkpermanently.”
“Planningtomoveagain?”
Sheshookherhead.“No.IlikebeingnearElliot.Thisismyhome.”Sheshovedatmyknee.“Ican’ttellifyoulikeitornot.”
“Yourtattoo?”
Sheloweredherchin,silentlysaying,“Duh.”
“Idolikeit.It’sverypretty.Irememberputtingmymouthonitafewtimesonourtrip.”Hercheeksflushed,andmynostrilsflaredatthesharedmemoryweweren’tsupposedtobetalkingabout.
Iwaddedupthewrapperwiththeremainsofmydinnerinside,tossingitintothepaperbagonthefloorbesidethecouch.“I’mgladtoknowyou’renotthetypewho’dgetaman’snametattooedonyou.Otherwise,you’dbespendingafortunetoremoveit.”
Alaughburstoutofher.“YoucanbetI’mmostdefinitelynotthattype.EvenifIwas,gettingPatrick’snameonmewouldhaveneverenteredmymind.”
“No?”
“No.”Shetossedhertrashinwithmineandshiftedsoherlegsweretuckedonthecouch,twistingtofaceme.“I’vedonealotofthinkingabouthowI’vebeenfeelingsincethebreakup.Whathediddevastatedme,andI’mstillgettingoverthat.ButIrealizedIgotoverhimalotfasterthanIexpected,andit’snotjustbecauseI’msodeftatcompartmentalizing.IthinkIchosePatrickbecauseIknewwhenitended,Iwouldn’tbebroken.”
“Youalwaysexpectedittoend?Elise,Ithoughtyouwereabelieverinhappyendings,”Iadmonished.
Sherolledhereyesatmethenpokedmyarm.“Iam,jackass.Ididn’tmakethosedecisionsaboutPatrickconsciously,butIthinkIalwaysknewwewouldn’twinduptogether.Ithinkhalfthereasonwelastedaslongaswedidwasbecause—likeyouwithMarisol—IwantedtoproveyouandElliotwrong.Theotherhalfwasbecausetherewasn’tanythingthreateningaboutlovinghim.Hedidn’tlightmeonfire,butthenagain,hedidn’tlightmeonfire.”
I’dstoppedlisteningthemomentshe’dsaidIwaspartofthereasonshe’dstayedwithhim.Mybrainimplodedwiththatfrustratingrevelation.Isqueezedmyeyes,attemptingtoprocesswhatshe’djustsaid.
“Youstayedtospiteme?”
Hernailsscratchedlightlyonmyforearm,springingmyeyesopen.“Isthatreallyallyouheard?”
“I’msupremelyself-centered.”
Shehuffed.“Imentionednoneofthiswasconscious,right?Iwasn’tactivelythinking,‘Oh,Ican’tdumpPatrickfornottakingcareofmyemotionsbecausethenWestonwillknowhewasrightandwillgloat.’Thatdidn’thappen.Inhindsight,thatwasverymuchpartofit.”
Ireachedout,runningmyforefingeralongthepinkstrapofherbra.
“Youreallydislikedme,didn’tyou?”
“Dislikeistoostrong.Ihadthoughts,though.”Sherubbedherlipstogether.“Tobefair,InowknowIwaswrongandstupid.IwishIhadn’twastedsomanyyearsshuttingyououtwhenwecouldhavebeenfriends.”
Idippedmyfingerunderthestraptorubmyknucklealongherskin.“Theplethoradidn’thelp.”
Sheshookherhead,grinning.“No,itmostcertainlydidnot.”
“DoyouknowhowmuchIdespisehearingIwasevenpartofthecauseofyoustayingwiththatguy?”
“Icanimagine.”
Iunhookedmyfingertoflattenmypalmatthebaseofherthroat.“Alot.IfIdidn’tthinkI’dscaretheshitoutofyou,myfistwouldbemeetingdrywallrightnow.I’msorry,baby.I’msorryfordrivingyouaway.”
“Weston,”shebreathed,scootingcloser.Herarmswentaroundmyshoulders,hercheekpressingagainstmine.“Don’t,okay?Idon’tblameyou,andI’mnotmadatyou.Youhavenothingtoapologizefor.I’mback,andwe’regood.Youandme,right?”
Iturnedmyhead,ournosesbrushing.“Iwasn’tlyingaboutyoubeingmine.”
Herlashesfluttered,andsherubbedhernoseagainstmine.“Ididn’tthinkyouwere.”
“Butwecan’t.”
Hersoftbreathfloatedovermylips.“Ifwedid,itwouldbe…”
Dangerous.Ruinous.Beautiful.
“Yeah,”Isighed.“Itwouldbe.”
Icurledmyarmsaroundherwaist,drawinghercloser.“Let’swatchyourmovie,baby.Wedon’thavetotalkaboutthisanymore.It’llworkouthowit’ssupposedto.”
Shepulledback,lookingmeover.“Thatdoesn’tsoundlikeyou.”
Igaveawrylaugh.“Itdoesn’t,butI’mhopefulit’struesinceIdon’thaveanycontroloverthisanymore.”
“Thatmustbehardonyou,youcontrolfreak.”
Iwasn’toffended.Itwasthetruth.
Slidingmyhandupherbacktocuphernape,Ishookmyhead.“Youhavenoidea.”
Shelaidherheadonmychest,nuzzlingevencloser.
Noideaatall.ChapterTwenty-three
Elise
Weston:Whereareyou?
Iwasn’tsurprisedtoseehistext,butitdidmakemybloodheat.We’dbeenbackfromourtripfortwoweeksandhadspentalmosteveryeveningtogether.Somenights,wehaddinner;others,whenheworkedlate,wewatchedstupidTVandsnuggledonhiscouch.
Yeah.Snuggled.
We’dbeensayingwewerejustfriendswhileholdingontoeachotherlikeliferafts.MysociallifewasWeston.MyhobbieswereWestonandmoreWeston.
Itwasn’twiseandprobablynothealthy,butItoldmyselfIcouldstopatanytime.Wewerejustmakingupfortheyearswehadn’tbeenclose.Ifwedidn’tkissorhavesex,itdidn’tcount.
Sowhatifmybodythrummed,andwhenIlefthisplace,Iwentstraighttobedandtookcareofmypulsingclitwithhisfaceonmymindandhisnameonmylips.SowhatifWeston’sjoggersseemedtobepermanentlytented?
Iquicklyreplied,thensetmyphonefacedownonthetableinfrontofme,givingmyattentiontoRebeccaandSimon.Theywereontheirsecondpitcherofmargaritasandwellontheirwaytogettingshit-faced.They’dbeenaskingmetogooutwiththemforages,andithadbeenonthetipofmytonguetoturnthemdownonceagain,butI’dthoughtbetterofit.Theyweregoodfriendstome,hadbeenfromdayone,andIdidn’twanttolosethatbecauseI’dbecomemildlyobsessedwithmyboss.
Rebecca’shusband,Sam,hadjustarrivedfromhisofficeafewblocksaway,andsincewewerebothmostlysober,wewerelaughingattheirantics.
Rightnow,theywereinadeepdebateonwhetherrockcouldreallybeatpaper.Simonsaidyes,Rebeccawasadamanttheanswerwasno.Samhadtomakehersitbackdownwhenshetriedtogooutsidetofindarocktoproveherargument.
Sampickedupthepitcher.“IfIcan’tbeatthem,I’mjoiningthem.”Hefilledhisglass,thengesturedtomine.“Refill?”
“Sure,thankyou.”
Twowasmylimittonight.ThelastthingIneededwastoshowupatWeston’sdrunk.Tipsywouldbedangerousenough.
RebeccaandSimonfinishedtheirargumentanddecideditwastimefordancing.Therewasn’tmuchofadancefloorinthisbar,buttheyfoundaspotthathadpreviouslybeenawalkwayanddeclaredittheirs.
“Ineedyoutotellmehowyouguysgottogetherinhighschool.”
Samturnedawayfromwatchinghiswife,asmiletippinghislips.Hewasabigman,butgentlenessexudedfromhim.Hehadfluffybrowncurlsandsoft,carameleyesthatmeltedwhenhewaslookingatRebecca.
“Iwasajock,shewasatheaterkid.”
Igrinned.“I’mnotsurprisedintheleast.”
“No.”Heshookhishead.“Shehasn’tlostherflairfordrama.”
Iclinkedmyglasswithhis.“That’swhyweloveher.”
“Oneofthemanyreasons.”Hetookasipthengotbacktohisstory.“Wedidn’thaveanyofthesamefriends,butwewereinEnglishtogetheroursophomoreyear.She’dcaughtmyeyerightawaybutwouldn’tgivemethetimeofday.”
Igasped.“Rude.”
Hechuckled.“Iknow,right?Thetruthwas,Iwasacockylittleshit.IwasonthevarsityteammyfirstyearofhighschoolsoIthoughtIwasabigman.Girlswereintome,eventheolderones,soIcouldn’tfigureoutwhyRebeccawouldn’tevensayhitome.IthoughtIwasgoingtoforgetabouther,thenIsawherinaproductionofChicagoandthatwasitforme.”
“RoxieHart?”
Hischeeksflushed.“Yeah.There’snoforgettingRoxie.”Hisgrinwaslopsidedandadorable.“Iuppedmygame,stoppedhangingoutwithothergirls,andfocusedmyfullattentiononRebecca,askingherouteveryothermonthwhileputtingintheworkofgettingtoknowher.Shewasn’tmeanaboutrejectingme.Shekepttellingmewedidn’thaveanythingincommonanddidn’tmakeanysensetogether,soImadeherseethatwemadesense.Whenthespringmusicalauditionscamearound,Igotmybigassuponthatstageandsangmyheartout.”
Isnortedalaugh.“Didyoulandarole?”
Heliftedashoulder.“Ican’tsingalick.Theymademepartofthecompany.Rebeccagotthelead.”Hetookalongswallowofhismargarita.“Onthelastdayoftheplay,shewalkedrightuptomeandsaid,‘I’llgooutwithyou,butifyouscrewaroundandbreakmyheart,I’llbreakyourdick.’ThatwaswhenIknewIwasgoingtomarryher.”
Itossedmyheadback,laughing,buoyantontheirstory.Ididn’tcarewhatWestonsaid.Happyendingswerepossibleifyouwerewiththerightperson.
Abrushalongmycheekstartledme.
“What’ssofunny,bella?”
IwhippedaroundtofindLucagrinningatme.OverhisshoulderstoodWeston,hisexpressionstony.
“Luca!”Icried,hoppinguptohughim.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”
Hesqueezedmetightandkissedbothmycheeks.“Westwasinthemoodfordrinks.Ihadnothingon,sohereIam.Andwhatatreat,Igettoseemybestgirl.”HepulledmetohissidesohecouldfaceSam.“Didweinterrupt?”
“Notatall,”Ianswered.
Samrosetohisfeet,allsixfeet,fiveinchesofhim.HeheldouthishandtoLuca.
“Hello.I’mSam,”hesaidamiably.
Lucashookhishand,introducinghimself,thenweallturnedtoWeston.Samheldhishandouttohim.Weston’seyesflickeddowntoit,hisupperlipcurlingslightlybeforefinallytakingSam’shand.
Hewasbeingweird.
Whenhetookaseatacrossfromme,rigidandstaringstraightatme,itfinallyhitme.WithoutRebeccaandSimonherewithus,itprobablylookedlikeIwasonadatewithSam.
“Hi,Weston,”Isaid.
“Hello,”heuttered.
“Rememberthatconversationwehadabouthappyendings?”
Hisnodwasbarelyperceptible.
“AndrememberwhenItoldyouaboutRebeccamarryingherhighschoolsweetheart?”Again,henodded.“Well,untiljustnow,I’dneverheardtheirfullstory.Samjustletitallout,andIhavetosay,I’manevenfirmerbelieverinhappyendings.”
Sampattedmyforearm.“Well,damn.I’mhonored.Don’ttellBecks,though.She’llgloat.”
Ilaughed,mygazeflickingtoSimonandRebeccainthemidstofsomemonstrosityofalinedance.
“IthinkI’msafetellingheranythingtonightsinceshewon’trememberittomorrow.”CatchingLucaandWeston’sattention,Ipointedoutmycoworkers.“That’sSimonandRebecca.Theygotaheadstartonthemargaritas.”
Lucaguffawed.“Aretheyseizing?”
“That’sdancing,”Icorrected.
SamrubbedhisforeheadandstaredatWeston.“Waitasecond.You’renotWestonAldrich,areyou?Rebecca’sboss.”
Weston’sglareslowlyfadedwiththedawningofwhathe’dactuallywalkedinonandhelookedatSamwithouthomicidalintent.
“Iam.Unfortunately,Idon’thavethepleasureofworkingwithRebeccaonaregularbasis,butfromElise’sstories,I’mmissingout.”
Oh,thatcharmer.
ItworkedonSam.Hisbarrelchestpuffedwithpride.“Iimagineit’sagoodthingformemywifedoesn’tworkclosetoyou.”HeeyedWestonappraisingly.“Otherwise,she’dprobablycomehomeandaskmetogrowoutmyhair,maybeaddsomehighlightsandstartwearingsuits.”
Ielbowedhim.“IhaveahardtimebelievingRebeccawouldeveraskyoutobeanyoneotherthanyourself.”
Hewinkedatme.“Yeah,you’reright.”Thenheputhisglassdownandstood.“I’mgoingtogocheckonthetwoofthem.BraceyourselfforwhenItellherherbossishere.”
LucablewoutabreathwhenSamwalkedaway.“ThankChristthatwasn’twhatitlookedlike.Ithoughtwewerecrashingyourdate.”
“No.”IsippedmymargaritaandglancedbackandforthbetweenWestonandLuca.“I’mnotreallydatinganyonerightnow.”
Westonleanedforward,hiselbowsonhisknees.“So,you’resingleandfree?”
“Iguessso.Howaboutyou?”Iasked.
Hismouthtwitched.“Freeasabird.”
“Metoo,”Lucasupplied.“Notthatyouasked.”
“Don’tpout,”Icooed.“Iwasabouttogettoyou.”
Awaitressstoppedby,takingtheirdrinkorders.Weston’seyeswerelockedonmewhenheorderedhisbourbon.Ilickedthesaltoffmylip.Hisnostrilsflared,andhisfingersflexedonhisknees.
Wehadn’tbeenoutanywheretogethersinceCalifornia.Ihadn’trealizedhowdifficultitwouldbetopretendwithhim.Itseemedunnaturalforustobesofarapart.Hehadn’thuggedmewhenheshowedup,andthelowacheinmystomachlongedforhisarmstobearoundme.
“Howwasyourday?”Iaskedhim.
“Fine.Thesameasalways.Yours?”
Mylipstwitched.“Good.Therewasastickynoteonmydeskthismorning.”
Hisbrowarched.“Oh?Whatdiditsay?”
“Itsaidstarscancomebackfromthedead.Thesearecalledzombiestars.”
Luca’sbrowfurrowed.“Who’sleavingstickynotesonyourdesk?”
Ibitmybottomliptostopfromgrinningandshrugged.“They’reanonymous,butIhavemysuspicions.”
“Zombiestars.”Westonrubbedhischin.“Interesting.Thatsoundslikeyourkindofstar.”
“Youlikezombies?”Lucaasked.
Inodded.“Ido.Well,notreal-lifeones.”
“Ofcoursenot,”Westonsaiddryly.
“It’skindofcreepysomeoneatyourjobknowsthat,”Lucasaid.“MaybeyoushouldreportthistoHR,Elise.”
Itwasalmostimpossibletoholdbackmysnort,butImanaged.“I’llthinkaboutit.”
“It’sprobablysomeidiotdesperateforyourattention,”Westonsaid.
IslowlyturnedmyheadfromLucatohim.Heatfloodedbetweenus.“Isit?”
Heloweredhischinandopenedhismouthtospeakwhenashriekcuthimoff.Rebeccawasstumblingtowardus,SimonandSamonherheels.Isatbackinmychair,theknotinmystomachloosening.
Isurpassedmyself-appointedlimit,finishingmythirdmargarita.Itwasn’tmyfault,really.Thesixofuswerehavingfunandtalkingsomuch,Igotthirsty.AndIwasn’tdrunk,justfloatyandhappy.
ItwasfortunatetomorrowwasSaturday.Youknow,justincaseIwasactuallydrunkandneededtimetorecover.
Rightnow,Ihadmorepressingmatterstoattendto.“I’llberightback.Ladies’room.”
TherestroomwasemptywhenIentered,soIquicklydidmybusinessandwashedmyhands.ThemomentIopenedthedoortothebar,Rebecca’slaughfloatedabovealltheothersounds,makingmesmile.
“Happy?”
Ihadn’tnoticedWestonleaningagainstthewallfartherdownthehall,awayfromthebar.Isaunteredovertohim,andwhenIwasnear,hehookedhisarmaroundme,drawingmeintohischest.
Isighed,finallygettingthehugI’dbeencraving.
“Iwasreadytomurderhim,youknow,”hemurmured.
“What?”Itippedmyheadback.“Murderwho?”
“Sam.WhenIthoughthewasyourdate.Itrippedmeapart.”
Isuckedinashakybreath.“I’msorry.I’mnotseeinganyone.”Ipressedahandtohischeek,rubbingattheturned-downcornerofhismouthwithmythumb.“Thisishard.”
“Ihateit,”hegroused.
“Shouldwestophangingoutsomuch?Itonlymakesitharder.”
“No.”Hisarmtightenedonme.“Iwantmoreofyou,notless.”
“West,”Isighed,tuckingmyfaceinhisthroat.“Idotoo.”
Hisfingersdelvedintomyhair.Hisotherhandslidfrommywaistdowntomyass,kneadingandrubbing,keepingmepressedtightagainsthim.Howcouldsomethingthatfeltsorightbewrong?Itwaseasytoforgetwhywecouldn’tbetogetherwhenhewasholdingmelikethis.
“Lookatme,baby,”hemurmuredsoftly.
Pullingbackfromhisthroat,Iopenedmyeyes.Hewasrightthere,dippingdownsowewereeyetoeye.Hepalmedthebackofmyheadandtouchedhislipstomine.Hewasgentle,sweet,peckinglightlyatfirst,thenwithmorefirmness,butnottoomuch.
“Ican’t,Elise.”Hekissedmeagain,barelytakingmybottomlipbetweenhis.Iclutchedathim,dizzyfromthesoftkisseshewasrainingallovermymouth.
“Ohshit.”
Ourheadswhippedaroundatthesametime,findingawide-eyedLucastaringatusfromtheendofthehallway.
“Ohshit,”herepeated.
Westonwouldn’tletmepullaway.Hekeptmelockedagainsthim,evenashepushedofffromthewall.
“Hi,Luca.”Myvoicecameoutsmallandnervous.Myheartthumpedhardinmychest.Thiscouldbebad.IwishedIwasfullysobertofacethis.
Lucascrubbedathisfacethenmarchedtowardus.“Hi,bella.Whatkindoftroublehaveyougotteninto?”
“There’snotrouble.”Westonwenttaut,asifhewaspreparedtobattleLucaifhehadto.“It’snoconcernofyours.”
Luca’sgazeslidbackandforthbetweenus.“Whatisn’taconcern?TellmewhatIwalkedinonbecause,tobequitehonest,thisdoesn’tlooklikeadrunkenmake-outsession.”
Shuddering,mylashesflutteredtomycheeks.“It’snot.We’re—”Whatthehellwerewe?Ididn’tevenknowhowtobegintoexplainustoLuca.
“We’retogether,”Westondeclared.
Iasked,“Weare?”atthesametimeLucayelled,“You’rewhat?”
“Together,”Westonconfirmed.
Lucapulledupstraight,shakingoffsomeofhisalcohol-inducedhaziness.“I’massumingElliotdoesn’tknowaboutthissincethecityisn’tburning.”
“It’snew,”Itoldhim.
Incrediblynew.Likeaminuteold.AndIhadn’tevenagreedtoanything.
SowhywasIholdingontoWeston?
Oh,becauseIlikedhimsayingweweretogether.Iwantedthattobereal.IfhewasjustsayingitforLuca’ssake,I’dtakeapageoutofRebecca’sbookandbreakhisdick,onlyhewouldn’tgetawarning.
Lucacrossedhisarms,assessingus.“You’lltellhim.Iwon’tlietohim.”
“Giveusalittletime,”Ipleaded.“Wewon’tsneakaround,butI’mnotreadytofacemybrotheryet.”
“Youwon’thavetolie,”Westonsaidwithcertainty.“Hewon’task,sotherewon’tbeareasonto.WhenEliseandIfeelthetimeisright,we’lltellElliot.”
Lucastaredathimforalongmomentbeforescoffing.“He’sgoingtobesopissed.”Herubbedhisjawlikehewasthinking.“I’llbepissedifyoufuckherover,West.”
Weston’sholdonmetightened.“Iwouldneverdothat.”
Lucashovedhisfingersthroughhishairandcuppedhishead,mutteringcurses.Hepacedbackandforthinfrontofus,battlingsomethinginternally.
Finally,hestopped,noddinglikehecametoadecision.“Ineversawthiscoming,butIcan’tsayI’mnotthrilledtodeathaboutit,forbothofyou.”Hewaggedhisfingerbetweenus.“There’ssomethingrighthere.Itfits.Thetwoofyoufit.Although,I’msecond-guessingallthetimesyoureferredtoEliseasasister.”
Lucachuckled.Westondidn’t.
“Feelingsevolved.I’veneverliedabouthowIfeel,though.Therewasatimeshewaslikeasistertome,butthatfadedandnowshe’ssomethingelse.”
Luca’shumordroppedaway,replacedbyalookofunderstanding.“Igetit,Weston.Iknowyouwouldn’thavegonetherewithEliseunlessyouwereserious.”
IclearedmythroatandwrestedmyselfawayfromWeston.ItwasdifficulttobetakenseriouslywhenIwasplasteredtohischest.
“Iwouldloveitifyoutwodidn’ttalkaboutthislikeI’mnothere.Thethingis,WestonandIhaven’treallyhadachancetodefineanythingyet,socanyougiveusthatchance,Luca?Iknowyou’reinatoughspot,andIhatethatyouare,but—”
Heheldhishandup.“Idon’tlikeElliotbeinginthedarkaboutsomethingsobig,butifIhadn’twalkedbackherewhenIdid,Iwouldhaveneverguessedtherewasanythinggoingonbetweenyou.So,I’lltaketheblameforbadtiming.Youtwocrazykidsfigureyourselvesout.I’mgoingtogotothebathroomandpretendlikeIdidn’tseeathing.”
Hestartedtoturn,butIcalledouttohim.Hisbrowwingedinquestion.
“Mybirthday’snextweekend,”Isaid.
Hisgrinwassmallbutsincere.“Iknowitis,bella.”
“Well,Saoirseisthrowingmealittlepartyonourrooftop.Youshouldcome.”
Herockedbackonhisheels.“AsmuchasIwouldlovetobethere—notjustforyou,buttomeetyourelusivefriendafteralltheseyears—I’llbeatmyparents’nextweekendfortheirfortiethweddinganniversary.”
“You’llbemissed,”Westondeadpanned.
Ithoughtmaybehewasn’thappyLucawasinvolvednow.Ormaybehewasbeingsincere.Weston’sinnategrumpinessmadehimhardtoreadattimes.
Lucadisappearedintotherestroom,leavingWestonandmealone.
Iheavedasigh,worrywormingitswayintomystomach.Westondippeddown,brushinghislipsovermine.Whenhepulledback,therewasatraceofagrinonhismouth.
“Comehomewithme.”
Inodded.
Wewerereallydoingthis.ChapterTwenty-four
Elise
AssoonasWestonclosedhisapartmentdoor,hewasonme,hishandsinmyhair,hismouthslantingovermine.Thewayhewaskissingmewasnothinglikethesweetpecksinthebar.He’dbeenfreedfromhisrestraints.Alltheruleshe’dbeenfollowinghadfallenaway.Histeethscrapedovermylips.Histonguelickedintomymouth,deep,tasting.Imoanedandfell
Mynailsdugintohischest,wildnessoverwhelmingme—everythingaboutwhatwashappeningoverwhelmingme.We’dbeenfinishedwiththissideofourrelationship.Justfriends.Theneverythinghadchanged.
Iwastryingtocatchup,butWestonwasn’tgivingmeasecondtothink.
DidIevenwantto?
ThismanwaswhoIwanted.Friendshipwasnevergoingtobeenough,notwithhowclosewehadbecomeandhowstrongmyfeelingswereforhim.
“West,”Imoanedagainsthislips.
“Yes.”Hetuggedmyhairandpushedhisthickcockintomybelly.“I’vebeenwaitingtohearyousaythatagain.”
“West.”Mylashesfluttered.Hekissedmynose,thenbenthisheadtolickalineupthesideofmyneck.Mykneeswereweak,buthehadmeproppedagainstthewall.Anchored.
Hishandwasinmydress,beneathmybra,squeezingandrubbingmynipple.Iworkedathisbuttons,frustratedthereweresodamnmanyonhisdressshirt.IwasclosetorippingitoffwhenIgotthelastoneundoneandcoulddragmypalmsoverhisheatedskin.
Suddenly,hestraightened,meetingmyeyes.Hetookmyheadinbothofhishands,takingalongtimetostareatme.Ifelttheweightofhisgazeinmychest,soheavyandfilledwithathousandwords.TherewasvulnerabilityWestonalmostnevershowed.Ithitmehard.
“I’llbeyourfriend,Elise,butIcan’tbeonlythat.It’simpossible.”
Ipusheduponmytoesandpressedmylipstohis.“Imissedyousomuch.”
“Imissedyoutoo.Youhavenoidea.”
We’dspenteverysparemomenttogetherbuthadheldourselvesapart.Nowthatwasover.
Westontookmetohisbedroom,sheddinghisclotheslikeoldskinalongtheway.We’davoidedhisbedroominallthetimewe’dspenttogether.Ihadn’tevensetfootinside.Later,I’dexploreit.Rightnow,themansittingontheedgeofhisbed,pullingmebetweenhisspreadknees,wasmyentirefocus.
Westontuggedthebowatmyhip,andmywrapdressfellopen.Heshovedittherestofthewayoff,leavingmeinmyblacksatinbraandemerald-greenlacyboyshorts.
Hegrippedmyhipsandrubbedhisforeheadonmystomach,releasingashudderingbreath.Thenhekissedtheindentofmybellybutton.Ihadneverbeencomfortablewithanothermanpayinganyattentiontomystomach,buteverythingwasdifferentwithWeston.
Whenwewerealone,therewasonlyus.Twopeoplewhocravedeachother.TherewasnopartofhimIwouldn’tkissorsavor,nopartthatdidn’tturnmeonandmakemewanthimevenmore,andIknewfromexperiencehefelttheexactsameway.
Westondidn’tdothingshedidn’twantto.Hedidn’tlieorpretend.IfhetoldmeIwasgorgeousandkissedmysoftstomach,itwasreal.
“Mybeautifulfuckinggirl,”hemurmuredasheedgeddownmyunderwear,kissingmyexposedskin.
Thefabricpooledatmyfeet,andWestonangledforward,kissingthetopofmyslit.Iwidenedmystance,lettinghimin.Histonguebreachedmylips,teasingmyclit.ThebaresttouchandIhadtoholdontohisshoulderssoIwouldn’tfall.
Ireallyhadmissedhim.
Helayback,bringingmewithhimtostraddlehisface.Therewasamomentofshyness,whereIfeltungainlyandoverlarge,butWestontookmeoutofmyhead,grippingmythighsandpullingmetohismouth.Thesatisfiedgroanhereleasedwhenmypussymethislipserasedmydoubts.
HeputmewhereIwasbecausehewantedmethere.
Hemademewanttobethere.
Myfingerscurledaroundthetopofhisheadboard,needingtoholdonashisskilledtongueswipedovermysoakedflesh.LikeeverythingWestondid,helappedatmewithslow,measuredprecision.IfIwerebrave,Iwouldhavepeekedathisface.Iwasdyingtoseehisexpression.Butthispositionhadmademevulnerable,andIwasn’treadytoaddanotherlayertoit,soIclosedmyeyesandconcentratedonwhathewasdoingtomybody.
Hismoansofpleasure.
Hissoft,insistentstrokesupanddownmylegs.
Theflickofhistongueonmyclit.
Hisdetermined,unendingdevotiontolickingeveryinchofmypussy.
Myorgasmcollidedwithmeinasuddenburst,lightingmeaflame.Icriedhisnameandwrithedoverhim,stillcarefulnottodropdowntoolow.Butheobliteratedmycare,yankingmefirmlyontohismouthandchin.
Westonwasanintenseman,whichhebroughttothebedroomandmultipliedinfinitely.Hisattentiontomypleasure,tome,mademefeellucky,sexy,sensual.Beinghissolefocuswasincredible.Oneorgasmwasn’tenoughforhim.HesuckedonmyclituntilIwasshakingandmyboneswereweak.
Herolledmeontothemattress,fittinghishipsbetweenmythighs.Histhickcockslidthroughthedrippingmesshe’dmadeofme.Openingmyeyes,Ifoundhimstaringdownatmewithtenderness.Ireachedup,slicingmyfingersthroughhishairthenscratchingthescruffonhisjaw.
Hiscockslidintomeeasily,myinnerwallspliantandstretchingtoaccommodatehim.Hehissedwhenhewasfullyinsideme,buthenevertookhiseyesoffme.
“Thisgood?”hebreathed.
“Perfect,West.”
Heshuddered,hiseyesclosingforamoment.“Youundome,Elise.”
Thetruthinhiswordsresonated.Ibelievedhimbecausehedidthesamethingtome.Therewereathousandreasonsweshouldn’thavebeentogether,butwhenwewere,theywerealldismantledandstashedaway.
Heslowlyslidout,takinghistimeworkinghiswaybackin.Andhewentonlikethat,showingmewhatthiswasgoingtobe.Westonwasinnorushnowthathehadme,andthetruthwas,Icouldhavespentahundredyearsmakingslow,deeplovewithhim.Thewayhelookedatmewhenhewasallthewayinsideme…hetookmybreathaway.
Itwasaheadything,beingthesubjectofhisattention.
Hishipsrotatedinadeepcircle,hittingpartsofmethatweretenderandsensitive.Igasped,clutchinghisflexingshoulders,andbroughtmykneesupalongsidehishipstolethiminevenfarther.
“Doyoufeellikeyou’reminenow?”hemurmured.
Inodded,breathlessfromhisdeliberate,unflaggingrhythm.
“Iwanttohearyourwords,baby,”hedemandedsoftly.“Sayit.”
“YoumakemefeellikeI’myours.”
“Areyoumine?”
Inoddedagain.Hisbrowpinched.Iknewwhathewanted.
“Iam.Iamyours.”
Asatisfiedsmile,thenhismouthslantedovermine.Hiskisswasjustaslanguidashisslickthrustsintomybody
Whenheletgoofmymouth,heinchedhisfacebacksooureyescouldmeet.
“Youhaven’tdemandedit,becauseyou’reabetterpersonthanme,butyoushouldknowI’myourstoo,Elise.Thereisnooneelse—andtherewon’tbe.”
Hebrushedthehairfrommyface,sweepinghiseyesoverme.
“Good.”Iliftedmylegshigher,wrappingthemaroundhiswaist.“Iwantyoutobemine.”
Itwascrazythathewas.ThiswasWeston.MyWeston…whathadbeenmyfantasyalong,longtimeagowasfinallytrue.Hereallywasmine.
Somethingsnappedinhim.Hisheaddroppedtomythroat,hismouthlatchingonwithdeep,hardsucks.Iknewhewasmakinghismark,andIshouldhavecared,butIdidn’t.
Hismovementspickedupspeed,andmyhipsrosetomeeteachpump.Hehitmedeepandhard,takingmybreathaway.Atthesametime,hecontinuedtodevouranypieceofskinhecouldgetto.Bitingandsucking,hegroanedlikemyflavorwasthebesthe’deverhad.
Myfingersweretangledinhishair,strokinghisshoulders,thetautlineofmusclesalonghisspine.Mybeautifulman,Icouldn’tgetenoughoftouchinghim.Westonmayhavemarkedmetoclaimme,butIwasclaiminghimtoo.EveryinchofhisskinthatItouched,Istampedwithpossession,aninvisiblesignaturehecouldfeelandIknewwasthere
Wewrithedtogetherinhissheets,kissingandholdingonasourbodiescollidedandretreateduntiltherewasnogoingback.Heslammedintome,andItossedmyheadback,moaningfromthepleasure-painofhavinghimsodeepinsideme.Myinnerwallsflexed,pullingagutturalgroanfromhim,andthenwebothletgo.
Icame,wetandvisceral,sohard,Ishookfromit.Hejerkedonce,thentwice,plunginginasdeepashecouldgoandstillingthere.Hiscockthrobbed,coatingmyinsidesasheemptiedhimself.
Nocondom.
Itwasafleetingthought,oneIdidn’tcareabout.
Westontookmyfaceinhishandsandkissedmedeeply,histongueslippingintomymouth.Islidmypalmsuphisarms,littleaftershocksshakingmybodyaswekissedwithnodestinationbuteachother.
Eventually,whenwewerebreathlessandourlipswereredandswollen,weshiftedtooursides.Mythighswerecoatedwithhisrelease.Itwouldstarttobothermesoon,butnotyet.
Hepressedhisthumbintothecenterofmychinthenstrokedhisknucklesalongmycheekandbrushederrantstrandsofhairoffmyface.
“Idon’twanttomissyouthewayIhaveforthepasttwoweeks.That’sfinishednow,Elise.”
“Itis,”Iagreed,rubbinghisstubble.“Idon’twanttomissyoulikethateither.”
Thickemotioncoatedmychest.Isuckedinabreathandpinchedmyhiptostopmyselffromtearingup,butitwasalmostimpossible.We’dcrossedlinesinCalifornia,butthiswassomethingdifferent.Wewereembarkingonuntestedgrounds,knowingtherewouldbeshakypartsbutdoingitanyway.
“Itwaswhenyouwerenineteen.Springbreak.”
Mybrowpinched.“Whatwas?”
“WhenIsawyouassomethingotherthanasister.”
Mymindracedbacktothatspringbreak.I’dgoneonatriptoMexicowithabunchofgirlsthenvisitedElliotforacouplenightsbeforeIwentbacktothedorm.Westonhadbeenthere,ofcourse.HehadbeenasemipermanentfixtureintheLevyhome.
IhadtakenathousandpicturesofmyfirsttimesnorkelingandcastedthemtotheTVinthelivingroomsoIcouldshowElliot.He’dtriedtogetmetosnorkelwithhimonvacationswhenwewerekids,butI’dbeentooafraid.
“Thebikinipictures?”Iguessed.
Hismouthtwitched.“No,thoughtheydidn’thelp.Itwasyou.”
“Me?I’vealwaysbeenme.”
“Youwalkedinwearingayellowsundress.ItwasstillcoldashellinColorado,butthereyouwere,alltanandhappy,likeyou’dsteppedoffthebeach.Irememberhearingthefrontdooropenandwalkingouttohelpyouwithyourbags.ThesecondIsawyou,Iwasliterallystaggered.Ithought,thatismyElise,setonfire.”
Mymouthfellopen.“I—Idon’tknowwhattosay.”
Hesmirked.“Iwastwenty-three,almosttwenty-four,andfeltlikethebiggestpervcheckingyouout.Thenyoutorturedmewiththebikinipictures,andIhadtoconcealanerectionfrombothyouandyourbrother.”
Myeyeswidened.“Youleftandstayedawaytherestofmyvisit.”
Hisnodwassolemn.“DoyouhaveanyideahowhorrifiedIwas?Allyouweredoingwaslivingyourlifeinyourownhome,andIwassalivatingoveryou.”
Ialmostlaughedathisexpression.Hereallythoughthe’ddonesomethingwrong.Iwouldnevertellhimwhathadchanged,becauseIdidn’tthinkhe’dlikeknowing.I’dlostmyvirginityincollegetoaguywhoappreciatedmyfullfigure.Hisstark,blazingattractiontomehadflippedmyownperceptionofmyself.I’dgonefromaself-conscioushighschoolertoacollegegirlfinallyexploringandclaiminghersensuality.
“Iwasn’tachild,West.You’reonlyfouryearsolderthanme.”
“Butthosefouryearshadalwaysbeenmonumental.TheymadeitsoIneversawyouasapossibility.”
“Andthenyoudid.”
“Yeah,”hebreathed.“Youhavetounderstand,IwasrunningAndesthen.Wearingsuitseveryday,makingmillion-dollardecisions,inchargeofthousandsofpeople’slivelihoods.Iwastwenty-three,butthedifferencebetweenushadstillbeenlight-years.YouwereElliot’sbabysister,andIwastheCEOofmyowncompany.”
Inodded.“Igetitnow.I’msorryImadeyouhard.”
Hechuckled.“Thatreallyscrewedwithmyhead,youlittlebrat.”
Ilaughed,throwingahandout.“Iknow,andIfeelforyou,Ido,butIdon’tknowwhattosay.You’vesurprisedme.”
Hepulledmetightagainsthim,smilingashetouchedhislipstomycheek.“Iwantedyoutounderstandthisisn’tsudden.”
“Ilikeknowingthat.”Igrewserious,tippingmyheadsoIcouldseehim.“It’snotsuddenformeeither.”
“Thetimingisright.”HesoundedsosureIhadnochoicebuttobelievehim.
“Canwegiveittwoweeksbeforewetellhim?”Iasked.
Hisbreathingshuddered.“Thelongerthisgoesonandhedoesn’tknow,theharderitwillbe.”
Ithreadedmyfingersthroughhis.Hebroughtourjoinedhandstohismouth,pressingakisstomyknuckles.
“Iknow,butIthinkweoweittoourselvestoreallybecomeacouplebeforefacinghim.Iwanttoknowwe’resolidfirst.”
Heatflaredbehindhiseyes.Icouldtellhedidn’tlikemywording,buthenodded.
“We’llgiveittwoweeksbeforewegopublic,butI’mspeakingtoHRnow.”Histonebrookednoargument,andtruly,IhadnonesinceIhadn’tevenconsideredHRandofficeramifications.
Igroaned.“Whatwillpeopleatworkthinkofme?”
Hischeektwitched.“Iftheythinkanythingotherthanyouareacreativewriterandahardworker,theycansharethoseopinionsdirectlywithme.”
Isnuffed.“Oh,sure.Ibetyou’llhavealineofpeoplewaitingtospilltheirinnerthoughtsaboutourrelationship.”
“Aslongastheystayinner,theycanhavetheirthoughts.”
Fromthestraightlineofhislipspressingtightlytogether,hedidn’tmeanthatatall.IfWestoncouldhavepolicedpeople’sthoughts,hewouldhave.Mileshadbeenright.Westonwasbothcontrollingandnosy.
Well,Ilikedhimanyway.
Sighing,Itippedmyfaceup,andWestonansweredmyrequestwithasoftkiss.
“CanIstayheretonight?”Iasked,nuzzlingintohisthroat.
“Elise.”Hislongexhalesoundedirritable.“You’remygirlfriend.Doyounotunderstandwhatthatmeans?”
Girlfriend.Ah,swoon.
“Maybe,”Ianswered.“Butyoucanelaborateifyouwish.”
Hechuckledagainstthetopofmyhead.“ItmeansIalwayswantyouinmybed.Andifyou’renotinmybed,I’llbeinyours.Idon’tintendonaskingifI’mwelcome.”
Isnortedalaughathispushiness,butIwaspleased.“Youarewelcome.”
“Good.Now,bequietandrestbecauseI’mnowhereneardonewithyou.”
Andsuddenly,Iwasn’ttiredatall.ChapterTwenty-five
Weston
Iemergedfrommyofficeatfivethirty.Renataeyedmewithsuspicionasshepackedupherthings.
“Areyousick?”Hereyesnarrowedtoslits.
“I’mnot.Why?”Ilookeddown,checkingifIwasdisheveledinanyway.Idoubtedit.Disheveledwasn’tastateInormallyfoundmyselfin.
“You’vebeenleavingearlythepastseveraldays.”
Icheckedmywatch.Fivethirty-one.“Areyouleavingearly?”
Shecrossedherarmsdefensively.“Ofcoursenot.Ihaven’tleftearlysince—Ican’trememberatimeIleftearly.We’retalkingaboutyou,WestonAldrich.Ihappentoknowyou’reintheofficeuntilsevenonagoodnight.”
“Ihavesomewheretobe.”
Shecockedherhead.“Orsomeonetobewith?”
Inodded.“Thattoo.”ThenIdecidedImightaswelltellher,sinceRenatawasthepersonwhokeptmypersonalshiprunning.“I’vebeenseeingawoman.EliseLevy.We’reserious.”
Sayingthatandhavingitbetruesentashotofadrenalineupmyspine.Ihadn’tgottenoverthefactthatElisewasmine.Willinglymine.
SomethinghappenedtoRenata’sface.HermouthmorphedintoashapeI’dneverseenonherbefore.Wasitasmile?
God,wasit?
“That’sfine,Mr.Aldrich.Veryfinenews.”Then,underherbreath,butbarely,shemuttered,“Muchbetterchoicethanthelastone.”
Shehadn’tbeenafanofMarisolandhadneverhiddenthatfact.Apparently,stillwasn’t.
“Iagree.SoyouunderstandwhyI’vebeenleavingtheofficeearlierthanbefore.Ihaveareasontobehome.”
Theworkwasstillthere.Tonight,I’dhavetospendacouplehoursinmyhomeoffice,mostlikelyafterElisefellasleep.Havingdinnerwithherandsoakingherupwasworthlosingacouplehoursofmyownsleep.
Iwouldadjust.
Inthepast,myrelationshipshadn’tworkedbecauseIhadn’tbeenwillingorevenhadthedesiretoshiftmypriorities.WithElise,makingspaceforherwasanautomaticthing,notahardship.
TheeasewithwhichIwasshiftingmylifearoundsurprisedevenme.
Overthepastweek,we’ddevelopedaritual.IdroveElisehome,thenshe’dgotoherplaceforanhourortwotochangeandspendtimewithSaoirse.I’dattemptedtoprotest,butshe’dtoldmesherefusedtobeagirlwhodisappearedonherfriendjustbecauseshehadaboyfriend,andI’dobjectedtothe“just”inherstatement.
Therewasno“just”aboutusbeingtogether.
ElisehadchosentolaughathowpossessiveIwasovereverythingabouther,includinghertime,soitwasgoodshethoughtIwaskiddingwhenItoldherIwantedhertomoveherdesktomyoffice.IfshehadanyideahowmuchitbotheredmethatIcouldn’twitnesseverysingleoneofherbreaths,shewouldhaverunfarandfast.
IwasatthestovewhenIheardherlettingherselfinwiththecodeI’dgivenherwhenshe’dagreedtobemine.Iwasstillworkingonacquiringakeytoherplace.Momentslater,herpillowybreastswerepressedagainstmybackasshewrappedherarmsaroundmymiddle
“Areyoucookingforme,WestonAldrich?”
Shemovedbesideme,leaningherhiponthecounter.Iangledsideways,cuppinghercrowntodrawhercloser,touchingmylipstohers.
“Don’tgetexcited.ThisisoneofthreemealsIcanmakeproficiently.”
“So,youdidn’tlearnanylifeskillswhenyouwereyounger?Expectedtoskatebyonyourprettyface?”shequipped.
Ipeckedheragain.“Thisprettyfacelandedmeyou,didn’tit?WhichprovesitwasallIneeded.”
“Flatterer.”Sheleanedherforeheadagainstmyarm,andIcouldfeelhersmiling.
“Mymotherisn’tmuchofacook.Shegrewupwithhelpsosheneverlearned.Thensheraisedmethesameway.I’mluckyIknowhowtodomyownlaundry.”
Herpalmflattenedonmyback,runningfrombetweenmyshoulderbladestothebasethenslowlyworkingbackupagain.
“Withyourthreemeals,andmyfour,wehaveanentireweek’sworthofdinners.Elainewasn’traisedwithhelp,butshemarriedmydad,whowasabossinthekitchen.Hedidallthecooking.”
Inthesilenceafterherwords,Iheardtherestofthestory.
Herfatherhaddied.
Homemadedinnerswentwithhim,asdidherchanceatlearningfromhim.
Elainehadnevertriedmakingupforhisabsence.
EverythingEliseknewinthekitchen,she’dtaughtherself.
Iturnedoffthestoveandtookherinmyarms.“We’retwosmart,self-startingpeople.Wecanteachourselves.”
Shebouncedonhertoesandcuppedmynape.“We’regoingtolearntocooktogether?Ilovethisidea.I’mgoingtopinrecipesforus.”
Herenthusiasmmademelaugh.“Goeasyonme.Nomorethanteningredients,includingsaltandpepper.”
“Ithoughtweweretwosmart,self-startingpeople?Where’syourconfidence?”
“ItwentupintheflameswiththelasagnaIattemptedtocookexactlyonce.”
Shelaughed,butIwasn’tkidding.Afireextinguisherhadbeeninvolved,andIstillhadnoideawhathadgonewrong.
“ButIwasn’twithyou,”shepointedout.“It’llbecompletelydifferentthistime.”
Ibelievedher.Withher,everythingwasdifferent.
ItwaspasttwointhemorningwhenElisepaddedintomyoffice.She’dputonclothingsinceI’dleftherinmybedsleeping.AT-shirtthatfelltothetopsofherthighsandtheunderwearsheworethatshowedoffthebottomhalfofherass.Theywereplaincotton,butfuck,IgothardeverytimeIsawherinthem.
Ipushedbacksoshecouldsitontheedgeofmydeskinfrontofme,herlegsbetweenmine.
Sherakedherfingersthroughmyhair,slowlyshakingherhead.“Whatareyoudoing,sir?”
Icaughtherhand,bringingittomymouthtonibbleherpalm.“Working.”
“WhenIfellasleep,youwereinbedwithme.Idon’tlikethatyoukeepsneakingoutandIwakeupalone.”
“Ididn’trealizeyounoticed.”
Hereyesnarrowed.“Inoticed.”
Ipressedmylipstotheinsideofherwrist.“I’vecarvedouttimeforyoubecauseIwanttobewithyoumorethanIwanttobedoinganythingelse.Buttheworldkeepsturning,whichmeansIhavetocatchup.I’malmostdone.”
Sheswipedherthumbundermyeye.“You’retired.Youcan’tburnthecandleatbothends.”
“Iamtired,butmybodyistrainedtorunonlittlesleep.I’llturninsoon.”
Sheworriedherbottomlipbetweenherteeth.“Idon’tlikethis,West.MaybeIshouldspendsomenightsatmyplaceso—”
“Absolutelynot.Don’tsuggestit.”
Shehuffed.“Thenyou’regoingtohavetofindawaytodelegate.Ineedmymantobeenergetic.Whatuseareyoutomeifyou’rerunningonfumes?”
Shewasworkingme,andshewasdoingitright.Ifshe’djustpleadedformetoturnin,Imighthavebeenabletoresist.ButimplyingIwouldn’tbeabletosatisfyher…thatgotmeoutofmychair.
Ipushedherlegsapart,steppingbetweenthem.“Doyouknowit’snowofficiallyyourbirthday?”
Herbreathcaught.“Itis,isn’tit?”
“Happybirthday,baby.I’mgladIgettobethefirstonetosayit.”
“Thankyou,Westie.It’sgoingtobeagoodyear,Icanfeelit.”
Herlidswereheavy.Sheneededrest.SodidI.ButIwasn’tquitereadyforsleepyet.
Itookhermouthwithmine.Shewaswarminmyarms,herlipssoftandpliant.Thekisswasaslow,languidslide.
Herhandsslippedundermyshirtandupmyback.Elisehadathingformybackandalwaysfoundawayinsidemyshirt.I’dtakentountuckingthemassoonasIgothometomakeiteasierforher.
“Lieback.”Ihelpedhereasebackonmydesktop.Shestaredupatmefromunderherthicklashes,andmyheartdidawildthumpinmychest.
IgrippedthehemofherT-shirtandgathereditinmyfistuntilherbreastsspilledout.Salivapooledinmymouth.Mycockthrummed.“Christ,you’regorgeous.”
Herlipstipped,thenshehookedherthumbsinherpanties,archingherhipssoshecouldtugthemoff.Ihelpedher,tossingthenavy-bluecottontothesideandfallingbackinmychair.
Iloweredthechairtotherightheightandleanedin,kissingherslickcore.
“West,”shecooed.“Don’tteaseme.”
“Iwon’t.”
Mypalmswereonherinnerthighs,holdingthemapart.Myfacewasburiedinhersweetcunt.Shewaswetandsoft,exceptforherlittleclit,whichwasahardbeadundermytongue.
ShewasthesexiestwomanIhadeverseen.Herpussy,thebesttasting,theprettiest.Ithoughtaboutitinmeetings.Iwantedtobeangrywithherformakingmewantherthisway,butitwasimpossiblewhensheletmehaveherdespitemyirrationality.
Mytonguemadewet,lappingsoundsthroughherarousal.Fingersslippedthroughmyhair,gentlebutinsistent.
“Thatfeelssogood,West,”shebreathedout.“Don’tstop.”
Never.
Fortherestofmylife.
Letmedieeatingthispussy.
Everythingaboutthiswomanwasdecadent.Hernaturalscentwasrichandcreamy.IburiedmynoseinherfleshandinhaledasIlickedher.Istrokedherinnerthighs,smoothandsilky,andreacheduptoplaywithherbreast.
ShearchedwhenIrolledhernipplebetweenmyfingers.Shewasclose,rockingherhips,pressingintomymouth.
Thebottomhalfofmyfacewascoatedinher,andmycockthrobbedwithjealousy.Iwentdeeperstill,myscruffscratchingagainsther.Ineededthis.
Thegentlefingersinmyhaircurled,tuggingatmetobringmecloser.Mylipsclosedaroundherclitwithfirmsuction,andIpluckedathernipple.
Herhipsroseandfellinwaveswhileshakybreathspushedthroughherpartedlips.Shemoanedmynameandyankedmyhair.Herorgasmwasprettyanddesperate.Ilappedupeverymomentuntilshewaslimpandhercriesfadedintosoftwhimpers.
Istood,pullinghertoasittingposition.“Youneedsleep.”
“Youdotoo.”Sheslippedherhandintomyjoggers,pressingagainstmyerection.Thenshewrappedherfingersaroundme,pumpingmeslowly.“It’smybirthday.”
Itookherfaceinmyhands,myforeheadagainsthers.“Doesmybabywantabirthdayfuck?”
Shenodded.“Please.”
Wepushedmypantsdowntogether,andwithinseconds,Iwasglidingintohersoakedpussy.Sheleanedbackonherhands,offeringaviewofherroundedcurvesthatdrovemeoutofmymind.
Ishookmyhead.“Thisisgoingtobefast.”
“Becauseyouwantmeso?”
Pushingintoheruntilourpelviseswereflush,Igroundagainstherswollenlips,rotatingmycockinsideher.Herheadfellback,andsheletoutalong,raggedsigh.
“Idon’twanttotellyouhowbadlyIwantyou.Itwouldscareyou.”
Insteadofanswering,shehookedherhandbehindmyneckandbroughtmymouthtohers.Wekissed,breathingeachotherinasmymovementspickedupspeed.Sheheldontomyneck,nippingatmylips,andIkneadedhertits,herstomach,herhips.Myhandroamed,needyformoreofher,whilemycockpoweredintoheragainandagain.
Iwantedtohangon.God,didIwanttolast.ButIwassofuckingdesperateforher.
Inthebackofmymind,Iknewwhy,butIshovedthereasonasideandfocusedonmybeautifulgirl.FocusingonElisewasallIcoulddo,anditwasmydownfall.
Herpartedlips.
Breathysighs.
Thickthighssqueezingmyhips.
Bouncingtitseachtimewecollided.
Sinkingintohersoftflesh.
Itoldhersheundidme,andIcouldn’tthinkofanythingthathadbeenmoretrue.Mycontrol,mythoughts,myconvictions,theyallunraveledaroundheruntilIwaslivingandbreathingforthesolepurposeofbelongingtoher.
Onelastthrust,thenIheldmyselfdeepinsideher,spillingeverythinginme.HerlipshoveredovermineasIgruntedandpanted,thenshesatuptherestoftheway,holdingmeinherarms.
“Everything’sright,”Isaid.
“Itis.”
Itwasn’tuntilwewerebackinbedtogether,Elisedriftingofftosleep,thatIlettheworriesabouttonightcreepintomyhead.
Herparty.We’dbeseeingElliot.Pretendingweweren’ttogether,rightinfrontofhim.Iwasuneasyaboutlyingtohim.ButElisewasn’treadytotellhim,andherbirthdaypartywasn’ttheplace.
Onemoreweek,itwouldbeoutintheopen.
Wejusthadtogetthroughtonight.ChapterTwenty-six
Weston
Thenightwasclear.
Theairwaswarm.
Decorationswereoverthetop.
Elisewashappy.
Mybrotherwastrashed.
ElisewasdancingwithSaoirse,Rebecca,Simon,andtherandomgirlMileshadbrought.Iwassendinghimdeathglares.
AtleastMiles’sstateofinebriationwastakingmymindoffthefactthatIhadtopretendtobejustfriendswithElise.Itsucked,andIdidnotseethewisdombehindit.LyingwouldonlycompoundElliot’sangerwhenwetoldhim.
ElliotandSamhadsomecommonground,discussingDenverrealestatedevelopment.Whileeveryonewasbusyandhappy,IwalkedupbehindMiles.Hewaspouringhimselfanotherdrink.
“Youdon’tneedthat,”Ihissed.
“It’saparty.”Hegrinnedatme,tippingthecupintohismouth.“Youshouldhavefun,Westie.”
Westie.Itgratedonmeeverytimehesaidit.Evenworse,thatheandEliseweresuchgreatpals,he’dgottenherintothehabitofcallingmethattoo.
“Doyouevenrememberwhosepartythisis?”
Milesblinkedatme.“Ofcourse.I’mheretocelebratemybestfriend,EliseMichelleLevy.”
“Bestfriend?”Iscoffed.“You’renotaverygoodfriend,stumblingaround,makingafoolofyourself.Howoldisyourdate?”
Hisunfocusedeyesslidtothewomaninhotpinkwho’daccompaniedhim.“Sabrinaisolderthanme,Westie.She’syourage,oldman.AndtheonlyreasonI’mstumblingisbecauseItwistedmyanklewhenSabandIwentrockclimbingthisafternoon.I’mmildlyblitzed.Iwouldn’tgettrashedatLisie’sparty.Imightmissthecake.”
Icrossedmyarmsovermychest.NowthatIlookedathim,hewasn’taswastedasI’doriginallyassumed.Nowherenearsober,butnotabouttoblackout
“Didyougotoadoctorfortheankle?”
Hewavedmeoff,takinganotherlongpullfromhisdrink,whichlookedlikestraightvodka.“Nah.I’mself-medicating.I’llgotomorrowifit’snotanybetter.”Hechuckledtohimself.“Bytheway,notagoodideatogoclimbingaftereatinganedible.”
AnyhopeI’dhadforhimfizzledoutinthatinstant.“Youknewbetter.”
Hewinkedatme.“Sometimesyouhavetodostupidshitandlearnyourlessonafterward.That’swhatmakeslifefun.”Thenhethrewhisarmaroundmyshoulders.“Now,tellmewhatweboughtLisie.”
Itossedhimoffme.“Youcametoherpartywithoutagift?”
“Youare,withoutadoubt,themostuptightpersonalive.OfcourseIgotheragift.Iwantedtoknowwhatyougother.”
MyjawwasgoingtocrackfromhowhardIwasclenchingit.“Newhikingboots.”
WhatIdidn’tsaywasIalsoboughthertwentypairsofthosecheekypantiesthatdrovemeinsaneandagiftcardtoherfavoritelingeriestoresoshecouldbuyfiftymorepairsorwhateverelseshewanted.Thosegiftswereforher,buttheyweremostcertainlyformetoo.
I’dalsogivenheraSuuntoSportsWatchtowearhiking,acashmererobe,andMerinowoolsocks.
Thentherewasthebodycreamshehadasmallsampletubofandlovedbuttoldmeitwastooexpensiveforhertobuy.I’dboughthertwo,oneformyplace,oneforhers.
She’dbeenmadatme,butI’dtoldhertheywerenonrefundablesoshe’dhavetogetoverit.
SheswiftlyforgavemewhenIgaveherthegiftI’dboughtduringthehoursIwasinmyofficewhileshe’dsleptlastnight.Cookinglessonsforthetwoofus,alongwithallnewcookware.
Milesrubbedhishandstogether.“Oh,Ibetshelikedthat.Didyouknowshesawamountainlionononeofherhikes?”
Iwouldhavelaughedifitdidn’tirkmethatshe’drevealedanythingaboutherpersonallifetoMiles.NotthatIdidn’ttrustElisearoundhim.Ijustdidn’tthinkhedeservedtoknowher
“Didshe?Sheshouldbecareful.”
Elisewasunwrappingpresents,cooingovereverythingwithnearlythesameamountofenthusiasmasshehadwhenshe’dopenedmine.Icouldhavegottenoverithadshebeencloser.Instead,shewasontheothersideofourgroup,abigtablebetweenus,takinggreatcarenottolookatmefortoolongorpaymemuchattentionatall.
Itwentwithoutsaying,Iwasnothappy.
Milesshovedhisgiftather.Sincethetimewespoke,he’dbeendrinkingsteadily.HisonlysavinggracewasthefactthatElisedidn’tseemtobebotheredbyit.
Eliseopenedhispresent,holdingupagoldchainwithachunkygoldEdanglingfromit.
Shegasped.“Miles!Thisisgorgeous.Iloveitsomuch.Thankyou.”
Hepuffedhischestout,hisfaceflushed.“Rememberbackinhighschool,whenyouhadthatEnecklace?Ithoughtyoumightlikeagrown-upone.”
Shesqueezedhisarm.“Iremember.Thatwasincrediblythoughtful.”
“Waitaminute,”Samchimed.“Youtwowenttohighschooltogether?”
“Wedid,”Eliseanswered.
Samleanedforwardwithinterest.“Givemethehistory.Whatwereyouguyslike?Didyoueverdate?”
Myfingerscurled,butEliseburstoutlaughing.“No.That’shilarious.Weverymuchdidnotdate.”
Milesnodded,hisheadbobbinglooselyonhisneck.“Yeah.EllieandIhavebeenbestiesforever.”Thenhefrowned.“Wait.Ican’tcallyouEllieanymore.Sorry,Ellie.”
Thehaironthebackofmyneckprickled.ElisehadtoldmenottocallherEllie.I’dwonderedwhyatthetimebuthaddroppedit.Milesknew,though.HeknewsomethingaboutherIdidn’t.
Elisewavedhimoff.“It’sfine.”
Samturnedtoher.“Wait,what’swrongwithEllie?It’sacutenickname.”
Milestriedtosnaphisfingers,butwhenhecouldn’t,hepointedather.“Right?Itisacutenickname,butIhadtogoruinit.Iruineverything.”HisheaddroppedandElisereachedforhim,butheflungherhandoffandstumbledtohisfeet.
ElliotandIexchangedaglance.Heliftedashoulder.Neitherofusunderstoodwhatwasgoingon,butmyguttoldmeitwasn’tgood.Myguttoldmetoshutmybrotherupbeforehecontinuedhispathofdestruction.
Igottomyfeet,butMileswasalreadyranting.
“Ithoughtitwouldbefunny,youknow?”Heshookhishead.“MaybeIdidn’tthinkthat.MaybeIdidn’tthinkatall.Isawyouonthefirstdayofschool.Youhadasparklyheadbandon,andyouwerelaughingwithfriends.Friends,Lisie.Youhadfriends,butIwassupposedtobelookingoutforyouwhenIhadnoone.”
HewasstaringrightatElise,red-faced,hischestheaving.“So,Icalledyouthat.EllietheElephant,andtheylaughed.ThenIhadfriends.Peoplelaughedwithme,theywantedtobearoundme.”
Mymouthfellopen,tryingtowrapmyheadaroundwhatmybrotherwassaying
Elliot’schairscrapedback.HecircledthetabletogettoElise,wholookedlikeadeercaughtinheadlights.Shewasfrozen,eyeswide,watchingmybrother.
Weallwere.
Therewasnowayhewassayingwhatitsoundedlike.Mybrotherwasafuckup,butifhedidthis…ifhewascrueltoher,evenonce…
“I’msorry,Lisie.”Heviciouslyyankedathishair.“Itsnowballed,andIlostcontrolofit.Imadeyoumiserable,butIwasn’thappyeither.”
“Justsayit.YoubulliedLiseinhighschool,”Rebeccascreeched,cuttingrighttothechase.
Milesturnedhishead,nodding.
Withhisconfirmation,mybrainswitchedoff.
IhadnoideahowIgottohim.Onesecond,Iwasontheothersideofthetable.Thenext,Iwasontopofhim,myfistspummelingintohisface,hischest,anywhereIcouldhithim.Hebarelytriedtoblockme,takingitbecauseheknewhedeservedit.
“Youhurther?YouhurtmyElise?”AllIsawwasredasIscreamedinhisface.“Itrustedyouandyouhurther?”
Armswrappedaroundme,pullingmeoffhim.Itwasn’tjustoneman.IttookSimonandSamtoprymeawayfromMiles.Assoonasmyweightwaslifted,hesatupandscootedbackward.
“Itoldyoutowatchoutforher,”Iyelled.“Whatdidyoudo,Miles?Whatdidyoudo?”
“Imessedup,”hecried.“Butsheforgaveme.Don’tyouforgiveme,Lisie?”
Thefactthathelookedather,addressedherinmyfuckingpresence,wassoaudacious,IcouldhaveswornIwashallucinating.
“Don’tlookather.Lookatme.TellmewhyyoubulliedthegirlItoldyoutowatchoutfor.”Islappedmychest.“ItoldyoutoprotectherwhenIwenttocollege.Ifuckingtrustedyou.”
Milesstaggeredtohisfeet,leaningheavilyagainstthebackofaloungechair.Inmyperiphery,ElliothadhisarmsaroundElise.Herotherfriendswerecrowdedaroundher.
Shewasprotectedlikesheshouldhavebeenallthoseyearsago.
Miles’sgazelifted,meetingminebeforefallingaway.“Sometimesthereisn’tagoodreason.Sometimespeopledobadshittheyregret.”
“NottoElise.Youdon’tjustdobadshittoherandthinkI’lleverbeokaywithyouagain.Thatismygirl,andsheistentimesmoreimportanttomethanyouwilleverbe,Miles.”
Heswallowedhard.“Iknowthat.”
Himnotdefendinghimselformakingajokeofthesituationonlymademeangrier.Ineededtofighthim.IfIdidn’t,IwouldhavehadtoaskmyselfhowI’dmissedthis.MyownbrotherhadtakenpartinhurtingmybeautifulElisewhileI’dbeenoffatcollege,relievedtobegone.
“Youknowthat,yetyoufuckingbulliedher?Ididn’tthinkalotofyoubefore,butnow—”
“Weston,stop,”Elisecried.“Don’tsaysomethingyoucan’tcomebackfrom.”
Shewouldn’tbehappywithmeforspeakingtohimthisway,butshewasafarbetterpersonthanIwas.
Milesraisedhishead,hisfaceflushed.“YouthinkIdidn’tknowthat?ThesecondyoumettheLevys,Ididn’tevenexisttoyou.Andguesswhat?Iwasjealous.Inmywarpedchild’smind,theytookmybrotherfromme.”Hethrewhisarmsout,buttheyquicklyfloppedathissides.“Youleft,andtherewasnoonetoprotectme,butyoutoldmetoprotecther.Iwantedtohateher,andItriedto.Iwasfuckingawfultoher.There’snoexcuse,andIcan’tmakeitrightorchangewhatIdid.So,youcanwritemeoff,fireme,neverseemeagain.That’swhatyouwantanyway.”
Ishookmyhead.“No.Youdon’tgettobethevictimhere.”
Elliotbrokeawayfromhissister,takingMilesbytheshoulders.Elliot’scontrolwaslikeiron.Hehadtobehomicidalbutkeptitlockeddown.HewasdoingitforElise.
“Youneedtoleave.Thisismysister’sbirthday,andnowyou’veruinedyetanotherthingforher.”
HeshovedMiles,nothard,buthewaswobblyenoughonhisfeetthathestumbledforward,endingupinfrontofElise.
“Lisie…”hecroaked.
Shereachedout,strokinghischeek.“Ireallywishyouhadn’tdonethis.”
“Ididn’tmeanto.I’msorry.”
Shenodded.“Iknowyouare,butyoushouldgonow.”
Heglancedaroundateveryonewithwildeyes,likehedidn’treallyknowwhatheshouldhavebeendoing.ThatwaswhenSaoirsetookover.WrappinganarmaroundMiles’spoordateandhookingherotherarminMiles’selbow,shewalkedthembothtotheelevator.
Elliotroundedonmeassoonasmybrotherwasoutofmysight.
“Caretotellmewhyyoukeepreferringtomysisterasyours?”
Hisarmswerefoldedoverhischest.Faceblank.Heknew.
“Elliot,stop.”Elisewenttohim,standinginfrontofhimsoshewasbetweenus,eventhoughwewerestillfeetapart.“Weweregoingtotellyounextweek.”
Hewouldn’tlookather.“Whyismysistersaying‘we’?Youshouldhavebeentheonetocometome.”Hisjawrippled.“Howlonghaveyouliedtome?”
Thatwasacomplicatedquestion,andmymindwasstillhalfblackedoutwithrage.TearsrolleddownElise’scheeks,andIwasabouttoloseit.
ImadeeyecontactwithRebecca.“Takeheraway,”Isaidthroughclenchedteeth.“Shedoesn’tneedtobehereforthis.”
SimonandSamwerestillatmyside.Inoddedtothemtoo.“Takeher,please.”
“Weston,no,please—”Eliseswiveledtoherbrotherthenme—“thisdoesn’thavetohappen.Wecanalltalk.”
Elliot’sgazeremainedfirmlyonme.“He’sright.ThisisbetweenWestonandme.”
Shesniffed,wipinghercheeks,anditkilledme.Absolutelykilledmenottoholdherandtellheritwouldbeokay.Icouldn’tmakeanykindofpromisestoherrightnow,andIhadthefeelingifItriedtotouchher,Elliotwouldtossmeofftheroofwithoutevenblinking.
“Ifyouhurteachother,don’tbothercomingtomeafterward.”Shepointedbackandforthbetweenus.“That’sforbothofyou.Iwillneverforgiveeitherofyouifyoudo.”
Iwouldn’ttouchElliot,butIhadnoideawherehisheadwas.“I’llseeyouassoonasIcan.”
Ashudderrackedherwholebody.Sheturnedawayfromme,pressingahandtoElliot’schest.
“Ifyou’remadathim,youhavetobemadatmetoo.Rememberthat.”
Thensheleftwithherfriendsaroundher.
Bereftandconfused,Isankintomyoriginalseatandpickedupmydrink.Ineededtobluntsomeoftonight’srevelations.IfIthoughttoohardaboutthedramaticchangeElisewentthroughbetweenwhenIleftforcollegeandwhenIcameback…
No.
I’dhavetoconfrontthatlater,whenIcouldlookatEliseandassuremyselfshewasokay.
Elliottookthechairacrossfrommine,hisfingerscurlingaroundthearmsohardtheywerewhiteatthetips,andhiskneesvibratedwithtension.
Hestaredatmewithasteady,levelgaze.“Ican’tdecidewhoI’mmoreangryat,youorMiles.”
“Youdidn’tknowwhathedidtoher?”
Heliftedashoulder.“Iknewshewasteasedandhavingahardtime.Butourmotherwasunwell,ourfatherwasgone,Ihadmovedaway,soIdidn’t…”Heclampeddown,turningaway.“Ishouldhaveknown,butonceIwasgone,Ididn’twanttogoback.NotbecauseofElise.Neverher.”
“Iknow.”
WhenIfirstmetElliotandhebroughtmehome,theLevyswerewarmandbright.Theirmomwaseccentric,kindofoffthewall,butinalovablewaytheirpragmaticfatherbalancedout.Theytalked,laughed,hungouttogether.EvenElliot.AndIhadbeenacceptedintotheirfold.
Thingschangedoncetheirfatherdied,butIwassofarentrenchedIstayedthroughthechaosanddarkness.IstayedforElliotandElise,butmyselfaswell,becausenomatterhowshittytheLevyhouseholdwasattimes,itwasalwayspreferableovermyownhome.
“Ineedtoknowexactlywhathedidtoher.”Herubbedhishandsdownhisshakingthighs.“ThenI’llbeabletodecidewhatactionneedstobetaken.”
“Icandealwithmybrother.”
“Idon’tknowthatItrustyoutodothat.”Hisgazeturnedrazorsharp.“Didyoutouchherwhenshewasakid?”
Myheadblewbacklikehe’dphysicallyhitme.“No.”Thatwasallthedenialhewasgettingfromme.Heshouldhaveknownbetterthantoevenask.
“Whendiditstart?”hepressed.
“WhenshecamebacktoDenver.Butit’sbeenthereforawhilenow,atleastforme.”
“Whoseideawasittokeepitfromme?”
“Itwasmutual.Wewereplanningtotellyounextweek.”
Heangledforward.“ItwasElise’sidea,wasn’tit?”
“Itwasmutual.”
Hehuffedsomethingclosetoalaugh.“IknowmysisteraswellasIknowyou.Sheconsiderseveryone’sfeelingswhenmakingdecisions,whileyoumakeupyourmindandact.Thereisnowayonthisplanetwaitingwasamutualchoice.YoudeferredtoEliseinthis.”
Iblewoutabreath,lettingmybeerbottleswingbetweentwofingers.“Doesitreallymatter?”
“Itdoestome.I’llforgiveEliseforanything.Youdon’thavethatluxury.”
Igrimaced,knowingIcouldlosehim,butIwasn’tgoingtosaywhathewantedmeto.“Thechoicewasmutual.ThebrunchEliseaskedyoutoputonyourcalendarnextweekendwaswhenweweregoingtotellyou.”
Hestaredatmeforalongtimethengaveaslightnod.“Whatwouldyouhavesaid?”
I’dthoughtaboutthissincethingsstartedwithElise.HowIwouldexplain.HowmuchwasanyofElliot’sbusiness.Hewasherbrother,buthe’dbeenaparenttoheralso.
“Iwouldhavetoldyouwe’reinaserious,committedrelationship.Thatmyintentionsforherarenotshortterm.Iwouldhaveexplainedthoughtandconsiderationwentintothedecisionwemadetobetogether,includingyourfeelings,butintheend,ourfeelingsforeachotherwereparamount.”
Heloweredhishead,pressingtwofingerstothespacebetweenhiseyebrows.“Admirableyou’rewillingtogetserious,butwhydidithavetobemysister?”
“Itcouldn’thavebeenanyonebutElise.”
“She’stoogoodforyou.”
“Idon’tdenythat.”
Hegloweredatme.“Youknow,yetyouletthishappen?”
“Ididn’tletanythinghappen.Itwasadecision.I’vealsomadethedecisionthatEliseismypriority.”
Hescoffedatthatdeclaration.“Interesting,butforgivemeifIdon’tbelieveyou.Youweren’tabletodothatwiththelastone.”
IfIhadn’tbeensoonedge,Iwouldhavelaughed.HestilldislikedMarisolsomuchhewouldn’tsayhername.
“It’snotaboutability.It’sachoiceandadesire.NothingIcansaynowwillconvinceyouI’llbeagoodpartnertoElise.Ican’tshowyouthefuture.ButIdothinkyouknowmewellenoughtounderstandwhenIdecideI’mgoingtodosomething,Idon’tbackdownoracceptfailure.”
Hefinallyliftedhishead.“Doyouloveher?”
Arushof…notpanic,butastrong,overpoweringemotionhitme.Iswalloweddowntheknotinmythroat.“That’snotsomethingI’vetoldheryet.”
“Butdoyou?”hepushed.
Anotherswallow.“I’velovedEliseforaslongasI’veknownher.It’sevolvedovertheyears,andwhatIfeelforhernowisvastlydifferentfromwhatIfeltforherwhenwewerekids.”
“It’slove,though.”
Inodded.“I’mnotsayingittoyoubeforeIsayittoher.”
Hechuffed.“NeverthoughtI’dbehavingthisconversationwithyou.”
“NeitherdidI.”Iscrubbedatmyjaw,antsytogetawaybutneedingtoknowElliotandIwouldbeokay.“I’llbegoodtoher.”
“Ireallydon’twanttoendourfriendship,butIwillalwayschoosemysisteroveryouifthat’swhatitcomesdownto.”
Iheavedaheavybreathandtoldhimthestark,honesttruth.“IunderstandthatbecauseIwouldchooseheroveryoutoo.”
Heblinkedatmeandstayedsilent,obviouslycontemplatingmywords.IthoughtaboutwhatI’dsaidtoo.IthadcomeoutbeforeIevenconsideredit,butifpushcametoshoveandIhadtochoose,Elisewouldbeit,handsdown.
“Asyoushould.”Hepushedbackfromhisseatandstood.“I’mgoingtoseemysisternow.”
IbitmytonguetostopfromtellinghimIshouldhavebeentheonegoingtoElise.
“Don’tgivehershit,”Iwarned.
Heloweredhischin,givingmeanotherlong,heavylook.“She’salwaysbeenthemostimportantpersoninmylife.”
Withthat,heturnedandwalkedaway,leavingmewithnoideawhathewasthinking.
AtleastIwasnolongerburningwithrage.Therewasnoroomforit,notwhenIwasfilledwithaconsumingworrythatIwouldn’tbeElise’schoiceafterElliotgottoher.ChapterTwenty-seven
Elise
Whentheknockfinallycame,Iranforthedoor.Notcaringwhichmanofminewasontheotherside,Ithrewopenthedoorandlungedwithmyarmsopen.
Elliotwrappedhisaroundmeandbackedmeintomyapartment.
“I’msorry,”Isaidintohisshoulder.
“Youhavenothingtobesorryfor.”
Assoonashesaidit,thetearsI’dbeenkeepingonatightleashbegantofloodoutinuncontrollablerivers.
“Youdidn’tkillhim,didyou?”
“No.”Hisbigpalmcuppedthebackofmyhead.“Iconsideredit,butno.”
Ipushedbackfromhim,lightlyslappinghischeek.“Don’tevensuggestit.”
Heattemptedtobesternwithme.“Thendon’teverkeepthingsfromme.Idon’tlikeknowingyou’reevencapableofsubterfuge.”
“Obviously,I’mnotverygoodatitsinceyoufiguredusoutthefirsttimewewereinthesameplacetogether.”
“Hesaidyourdecisiontokeepmeinthedarkwasmutual.”
Iwrinkledmynose.“Notatall.Hewastheonewhowarnedmethelongerwehidit,theworseitwouldbewhenyoufoundout.”
“Iknewit.”Heletgoofmetostalkfartherintomyapartment.“Youconvincedmybestfriendtolietome,whichhe’sneverdone.MaybeIshouldbeworriedaboutthetypeofinfluenceyou’llhaveoverWeston.”
Icockedmyhead.“Youdon’tseemmad.”
“I’m…notsurewhatIam.Idon’tlikethelying.”
“Believeme,Idon’teither.It’sunnaturalformetolietoyou.ButIwantedustohavetime,justincaseyoudisapproved,tomakesureWestonandIweresolidenoughtostanduptothat.”
“Ican’tsayIdoapprove.”Hefoldedhisarmsoverhischest.“Elise,doyouhaveanyideahowmuchheworks?Hewon’tbeabletogiveyouthetimeandattentionyoudeserve.Thatbothersme,andIthink,overtime,itwillbotheryoutoo.”
“He’sbeencominghomeearly.”IfelttheneedtodefendWeston,thoughElliotwasn’twrongabouthistrackrecord.
Elliotnodded.“That’sgood.Butwhendoeshedotheworkthatheshouldhavedoneintheoffice?”WhenIdidn’tanswer,hewenton.“I’massuminghebringshisworkhome.Amanlikehimdoesn’tchange,evenifhewantsto.Iwantmorethanthatforyou.”
“ButIhadamanwhogavemehistimeandattention,andhestillwreckedme.”IpulledonElliot’sarms,unfoldingthem,andsqueezedhisforearm.“Look,IknowwhoWestonis.I’mnotblind.I’mchoosinghim,andhe’schoosingme.We’llworkoutwhatwewantourrelationshiptolooklike,butbelievemewhenItellyouI’mhappywithhim.HappierthanIcouldhaveimagined.”
Hismouthpressedintoafirmline.Iunderstoodwherehewascomingfrom.ElliotandWestonhadbeencutfromthesamecloth,butwhereWestonhadremainedbendable,Elliotthadbeendippediniron.HewasuncompromisingandassumedWestonwasthesameway.Inthepast,Imayhaveagreed,butnowthatIknewWestononadeeper,moreintimatelevel,Ididn’t.Weston’stwoa.m.officevisitswerebad,andtherewasnowayhecouldkeepthemup,butwewerenew.Itwouldtaketimetofindtherightbalance.Thefactthathewaschoosingtospendtimewithmeoverworksaidalot.Itgavemeconfidencethatwecouldfigurethisout.
Elliot’seyebrowwinged.“Inotherwords,Ishouldkeepmyopinionstomyself?”
“No,ofcoursenot.Youropinionisalwayswelcome,aslongasyouknowI’lltellyouwhenyou’rewrong.”
“Whenhaveyounot?”
“Never.”Isuckedinabreath.“Well,ifyouwanttheentiretruth,Lucaknows.Hesawuskissinglastweekend.”
“Nowthat”—Elliotshookhisfingeratme—“makesmeangry.LucawillneverletitdropthatheknewbeforeIdid.”
“Hetolduswelookedgoodtogether.”
Elliotflinched,lookingaway.“Foryoursake,I’mtryingtobeokaywiththis.Don’tpushit.”
Itookmybrother’shandinmine.“Comeandsing‘HappyBirthday’tome.Saoirsemadearedvelvetcakeanditwouldbeashametoletitgotowaste.”
Saoirsehadretreatedtoherroomforprivacy.WhenIcalledhername,shecameoutandjoinedustosingandcutthecakeatthekitchentable.Imadethesamewisheveryyear:thateverythingwouldworkoutthewayitwassupposedto.
Elliotatehiscake,eventhoughherarelyatesweets.HeevencomplimentedSaoirse.
“Thisisgood.Haveyouconsideredbakingprofessionally?”
Shewavedhimoff.“Ofcoursenot.Thenitwouldn’tbefun.”Sheunfoldedherlonglegsfromherchairandbenttokissthetopofmyhead.“Happybirthday,Lise.I’mbummedyourpartygotcutshort,butI’mgladIgottospenditwithyou.”
Ileanedmyheadagainstherhip.“Thanksforbeingagoddess.”
SheleftElliotandmealoneagain.HestaredatmeforalongtimewhileIdraggedmyforkthroughthefrostingonmyplate.IwasantsytospeaktoWeston,butatthesametime,Ineededtoknowthingswithmybrotherweresettled
“Hepaidforyourcollege.”
Myheadshotup.“What?Whodid?”
“TherewasnomoneyleftwhenElainedied.IhadnoideauntilIcamebackandtookover,butourmother’sfinancialsituationhadbeendire.Iwasgoingtosellthehousetosupportus,butWeststeppedin.Heusedhistrustfundtopayoffthehouse.Heseededmyfirstbusiness.Andwhenitwastime,hepaidyourtuition.Itriedtobepridefulanddenyhim,buthewouldn’tallowit.”
Iwasinshock.Mymouthfellopen,butIhadnoideawhattosay.We’dneverbeenwealthy,butIalsohadneverbeenworriedaboutmoney,eveninthosepost–DadyearswhenElainewentofftherails.IguessedIshouldhavebeenpayingmoreattention.
“Henevertoldme.”
Elliotsmirked.“No,hewouldn’thave.Heaskedmetokeepittomyself.Hedidn’twantyoutoknowwhatashitshowourmotherwas.”Heshookhishead.“He’sbeenprotectingyouforalongtime.IsupposeI’llhavetotrustthathe’llkeepdoingso.”
Herosetohisfeetandpulledmeupintohisarms.“Happybirthday,El.Iloveyou.”
“Iloveyoutoo,El.”
Heletmego,takingastepback.“I’mgoing,sinceIknowyou’reaboutfiveminutesawayfromtossingmeoutsoyoucangotohim.”
Isnorted.“Maybeten.”
Heruffledmyhair,buthedidn’tquitesmile.“Idon’tlikechange.”
Ellioteschewedchangesomuchthroughelementaryandmiddleschoolhe’dbeenlikeacartooncharacter,owningmultiplesofthesamepiecesofclothingsohecouldwearthesameoutfitdaily,onlychangingwiththeseasons.Fortunatelyforusall,hehadamuchbetterfashionsensethesedays.
Ismiledathim.“Iknowyoudon’t.”
IletmyselfintoWeston’splace,findingitquiet,whichwasn’tsurprising.Icarriedaplatewithasliceofcakeonitthroughhisapartment,searchinghimout.Aglowcamefromhisoffice,unsurprisingly.
Ipeekedthroughthecrackinthedoor.Westonwashunchedoverhisdesk,hisfingersclaspedbehindhisneck.Hiscomputerwason,buthewasn’treadingthescreen.
“Hi,”Icalledsoftly,pushingthedooropen.
Heshottohisfeet,stormingtowardmebeforeIcouldtakeonestepintotheroom.Hetookmyfaceinhishands,tiltingmyheadtoonesidethentheother,thenhegruntedandkissedmyforehead,thetipofmynose,andmylips.
“You’rehere.”
“I’mhere,”Iconfirmed.“Ibroughtyoucake.”
“Ithoughthe’dconvinceyoutostayawayfromme.”
Icrinkledmynoseathim.“Well,youdon’tknoweitherofusaswellasyousayyoudo.IwouldneverallowElliottochangemymindaboutyouandhelovesyou.Hewouldnevertrytotrashyoutogetmetobreakitoff.”
Heblewoutabreath,hisgazerakingovermelikehewasconfirmingIwasreallyhere.
“Fuck,”hegrittedout.“Iwassittinghere,noideawhatwashappening,goingoutofmymind.”
“I’msorry.”Ipressedmylipstohisinalong,lingeringkiss.“IhadtomakesureeverythingwasokaywithElliotbeforeIcametoyou.Ihatethatyouwerealone.”
IputthecakedownonanearbytablesoIcouldwrapmyarmsaroundhisneck.Heyankedmeagainsthim,hispalmssmoothingdownmyhipstomybutt,thenheburiedhisfaceinthecrookofmyneck.
“Hetoldmeyoupaidformycollege,”Iwhispered.
Hestiffenedbutdidn’tletmego.“Youweren’tsupposedtoknow.”
“IwasgoingtosayIcan’tbelieveyoudidthat,butIcan.Thankyou,Weston.”
“Youdon’thavetothankme,baby.”
Weheldeachotherforalongtime.Hisbreathwashotonmyskinwhilehestrokedmefromthecenterofmybacktothebottomofmyass.Astimetickedby,Imeltedintohim.
“It’sokay,”Icooed.“It’sallokay.Wecanjustbeusnow.”
Hereleasedashudderingbreathandraisedhishead.Hismouthslantedovermineinasoft,deepkiss.Histongueslidalongmine,claimingmewitheverygentleflick.Hisreliefwaspalpable.He’dreallybeenworriedIwouldn’tcomebacktohim.Thathitmehardinmychest.Iputeverythingintokissinghimback,intoshowinghimIwasjustasdeeplyintothisashewas.Thatthiswassomethingbigandrealforme,anditwouldtakealotmorethanmybrother’sdisapprovalformetowalkaway.
“Youcan’tleaveme,”hemurmuredagainstmylips.“Doyouunderstand?Youcan’tdisappearonme.Youcan’tleave.”
Anotherhit.
“Iwon’t,West.I’mherewithyou.Iwon’tdisappear.”
Hekissedmeagain,walkingmebackwardtowardhisbedroom.Whenhismattresshitthebacksofmyknees,hekeptwalking,sowefelltogether.Hepushedmyskirtup,andhisfingersslippedintomypanties.
“Wet.”
Inodded.Iwas.Heavyemotionmixedwithdesirehadfilledmewithneed.
Herearedback,sweepingmypantiesoffme,thenunzippedhispantstofreehiscock.Fallingoverme,herubbedhimselfbetweenmythighs.
“Ihavetohaveyou,”hesaidagainstmyear.
Ithreadedmyfingersinhishair.“Sohaveme.”
Inonesmoothmotion,hethrustintome,fillingmecompletely.MyneckarchedasImoaned,myfingerscurlingaroundhisstrands.
Westoncuppedmyface,holdingmeashemovedinandoutofme.Hewentdeepwitheverythrust,andIfelthimallthewaytomychest.Thezipperofhispantsscratchedagainstthebackofmythighs,butifhestopped,Iwoulddie,soIignoredit,focusingonhim.
Heneverstoppedwatchingme.Heheldmyfacelikeifheletmego,I’ddisappear.
“I’mhere,West,”Itoldhimbreathlessly.“I’myours.”
“Mine,”hegrunted.“Don’tleaveme.”
“Iwon’t.”
Hismouthcoveredmineagain,andhehitchedoneofmylegsoverhisarmsohecouldfindhiswayevendeeperinsideme.Iheldontohim,givingmyselftohim,showinghimwithmybodyIwashisforaslongashewantedme.
Later,wewatchedamovieinhislivingroom.Westonatehiscakeandmadememakeanotherwish.Thistime,IwishedforWestontobelieveIwasinthisforthelonghaul.
Heidlystrokedmybarethighwhilemyheadrestedonhisshoulder.
“Wereyouevergoingtotellmeaboutwhatapieceofshitmybrotheris?”heaskedsoftly.
“No.MilesandIsettledthingswhenIfirststartedatAndes.It’shistory.”
“Nottome.”
Withasigh,Iliftedmyhead.“Mileswasadickinhighschool,buthewasn’ttheworstbyfar.Whathesaidtonightwastrue,hegotpeopletolikehimbymakingthemlaugh.”
“Don’tdefendhim.”
“I’mnot.Hewasabsolutelywrong,andheknowsthat.Mileswaspartofthereasonthoseyearsweremiserableforme,butsinceheandIhasheditout,I’moverit.Ican’tdraghighschoolshitaroundfortherestofmylife.I’msatisfiedhefeelslikeadickforhowhebehaved,soIdon’treallyneedapoundoffleshfromhim.It’sover,andwe’resortoffriendsnow.”
Hishandsflexed,andIcouldtellhewishedhewaswrappingthemaroundhisbrother’sneck.
“Youcan’tbefriendswithhim,notwhenI’mplanningonkillinghim.”
“You’renotkillinganyone.”Irubbedhisscruffycheek.“Ithinkyouneedtohaveaconversationwithhim,though.Didyouheartherestofwhathehadtosay?Hefeltabandoned.Ikindofthinkhestilldoes.”
“Fuckhim,”hegroused.“Heisabandoned,asfarasI’mconcerned.”
Ipressedmylipstogether,frustrated.“DoesitnotmattertoyouthatI’moverwhathedid?”
“No.Youshouldn’thavehadtogetoveranything.”
“Ishouldn’thave,that’strue,butthat’snothowitworkedout.AndMiles…Idon’tknow.He’smadeithismissiontobefriendme.Ilikehim.Maybeifyouguysreallytalked,you’dgrowtolikehimtoo.”
Hegloweredatme.“We’llneverbelikeyouandElliot.”
“No,probablynot.ButElliotandIaretraumabonded.”
Helethisheadfallbackonthecouchcushions,heavingasigh.“You’rereallynotgoingtoletmekillhim,areyou?”
“No.”
“Iwantto.”
Laughing,Ituckedmyselfunderhisarmandcurledintohisside.“Iknowyoudo.Itmeansalot.”
“I’ddoanythingforyou,Elise.”
MaybeWestontellingmehe’dkillhisownbrotherformeshouldn’thavefeltlikearomanticdeclaration,butithad.WhenWestonAldrichsaidhe’ddoanythingforme,hemeantit.
Somethingdeepandachycameawakeinmychest.ItstretchedandbloomedwhilewesnuggledonWeston’scouch,thelastminutesofmybirthdayslippingaway.Thoughthisdayhadn’tgonequiteasI’dexpectedorhoped,I’dbegunandendeditinWeston’sarms,andthattrumpedeverythingelse.ChapterTwenty-eight
Weston
To:eliselevy@andesinc.com
From:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
DearElise,
Unfortunately,Ihavetocancelourlunchplanstoday.
ItseemsgoingcampingfortwodayswithoutcellservicemeanswhenIcomebacktoreality,realityiswaitingforme.
Luckily,Imadesuretoenjoyeveryminuteofourcampingtrip.
Theoutdoorswillneverbethesame.
Regretfully,
Weston
To:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
From:eliselevy@andesinc.com
DearGrumpyBoss,
Thatisunfortunate.Iwasverymuchlookingforwardtoourlunchplans.Luckyforme,anotherAldrichhasvolunteeredtotakeyourplace.
Milessayshi,bytheway.
Thosetwodayswereworththeslapintheface,right?Mineprobablywasn’tasharshastheoneyouexperienced,butI’mhittingthegroundrunningthismorning.
Worthit,though.I’veneverfeltmorepeacefulthanIdidthisweekendwithyou.
Ihopeyouhavetimetotakeabreathtoday.
Wistfully,
Elise
Onebreath.ThatwasallIhadtimefor.Isatbackinmychair,suckingitinaspicturesofourweekendflashedthroughmymind.I’dtakenElisetomyspot,andshe’dbeenallin.Wespenttwosoliddayshiking,fishing,andfuckingunderthestars.
Shewaseasytobewith.Sodamneasythatwhenwewereapart,whichwasmoreoftenthanIliked,everyoneelsestruckmeasdrudgery.
Ithadbeenamonthsinceherbirthday.ForEliseandme,thatmonthhadbeensmooth.WithouttheloomingdeadlineoftellingElliothangingoverourheads,we’dbeenabletoletourselvessinkintoourrelationship.
ThingsbetweenElliotandmeweregettingbetter.Hewaswary,andrightfullysosincehe’dhadafrontrowtomypastrelationships.Twoweeksago,he’dnearlyknockedmeoutatthegym.
Iputmyphonedownonthematnexttotheweights,cursingundermybreath.Disappointmentsatlikeleadinmygut
“Troubles?”Lucaasked.
“I’vegottoflyouttoCaliforniatonighttomeetwithourlawyerstomorrowmorning,”Ianswered.
Elliothadstoppedlifting,tuningintoourconversation.
“Whyisthataproblem?”Lucashrugged.“Thatsoundslikeatypicaldayforyou.”
“EliseandIaresupposedtobestartingcookinglessons.I’mgoingtohavetomissthem.IhavetobeinCaliforniatomeetwithmyteamtonight.”
Elliotscoffed,wipinghisfacewithatowel.Hedidn’tsayanything,butIcouldalmosthearhismindgoing.
“Oooh,cookingwithElise?”Lucabouncedonhistoes.“Tellmewhereitis.I’llgowithher.”
“No,”Ibarked,immediatelyandviolentlyopposedtotheidea.“It’sforherandme.”
“Thenyoushouldbeheretogowithher.”ElliotdroppedhistowelandapproachedwhereLucaandIwerebytheweights.
“IfIcould,Iwould.Believeme,I’dmuchratherbeherewithElisethanouttheredealingwithsupplychainproblems.”
Hisfrowndeepened.“Twoweeksandyou’realreadylettingherdown.Iwarnedherthiswouldhappen,andherewego.Ihavetosay,it’ssoonerthanIexpected.”
“Comeon,Elliot.Elisewillunderstand,”Lucachided.
“Sureshewill.That’swhosheis.”Elliotmetmygazeinthemirror.“WillyoubespendingthiseveningwithMarisolinsteadofmysister?”
Istiffenedathisquestion.Iloathedgivinghimtheanswer.“She’sthesupplychainmanager.Ofcourseshe’llbethere.IftherewasanythingIcoulddoaboutthis,Iwould—”
Elliottookasteptowardme,hisjawlikeiron.“YouaretheCEOandownerofthecompany.Thesepeopleworkforyou,West.Ifyouwanttospendyoureveningwithyourgirlfriendinsteadofyourex,youcanandshouldmakethathappen.AllIseeisamannotwillingtochangeorbend.Mysisterwillbetheonewhochangesandbends,andintheend,neitherofyouwilllikewhatthatturnsherinto.Thisisyouropportunitytosetaprecedent.Don’tbullshitmeanddon’tbullshityourself.”
Heavy,hotbreathheavedoutofhisnostrilsashestaredmedown.Iwasataloss.ThatwasthemostI’dheardElliotspeakatonceinalltheyearsI’dknownhim.Mymindwasscramblingtotakeitallin.
“Elliot—”Lucastarted,butElliotjustshookhisheadandbrushedbyustowardthelockerroom.
Bendingdown,Igrabbedmyphoneandstaredattheemailfromthelawyers.ItstruckmeIhadn’tquestionedtheirneedtomeetfirstthingtomorrow.Iwassousedtohandingovermyscheduletoothersithadn’tfuckingdawnedonmetodoanythingdifferent.
Iwasanidiot.
“He’sright.”
Lucaclearedhisthroat,lookingaway.“Yeah.”
Mybrowcrinkledwithincredulity.“Youdidn’tsay.”
“You’reagrownman.Ididn’tthinkIneededtotellyounottobrushoffyourgirlfriend.”
“Iwasn’tbrushingheroff.Iwouldnever.”Heavingasigh,Irakedmyfingersthroughmysweatyhair.“Shit.”
ThenIfiredoffatexttoRenata,tellinghertoshiftmymeetingsforwardsoIcouldflyinandoutinonedayandwouldbeheretonight.
IlookedupatLuca.“Done.”
Hecockedhisheadtowardthelockerroom.“YoumightwanttoinformElliotbeforeheburstsabloodvessel.”
Iwouldn’tcallmyselfachangedman,butthatconversationwithElliothadopenedmyeyestohowIwasrunningmydailylife.WhenI’dtoldhimso,allhe’dsaidwas,“Abouttime.”Buthedidn’tknockmyteethoutthatday,andsincethen,we’dsharedafewmealstogether.Thingsweregettingbacktoasemblanceofnormalcybetweenus.
Ialsohadn’tmissedacookinglessonwithEliseyet.Wewerestillshockinglyincompetentcooks,butwewerehavingfunscrewingup.
CancelinglunchwithElisetodayhadbeenatwistinmygut,butithadbeenapipedreaminthefirstplace.I’dwarnedherthismorningitwouldhavetobequickifitevenhappened,towhichshe’dassuredmeshecouldfindanotherdateifIstoodherup.
Ofcourseitwasmybrother.
Ihadn’tspokentohimbeyondacursorygreetingintheelevatorsinceElise’sbirthday.Elisemayhaveforgivenhim,butIdidn’tknowIhaditinmetodoso.
Myphonerang.“Yes?”
“Goodmorning,Mr.Aldrich.Niceweekend?”Renataasked.
Irubbedmyforehead.Itwasabadsignthatmyheadwasthrobbingatnineinthemorning.
“Great.WhatcanIdoforyou?”
“BrianLewisisontheline.Hesoundspissy.”
Nodoubthedid.Hemusthaveheardwewereintheprocessofnegotiatingwithanewsupplier.Assoonasourcontractendedwithhim,we’dbecuttingties.
Inthepast,Iwouldhavetakenhiscallbecauseofourhistoryandsomemisguidedsenseofobligation.Thetruthwas,inmyposition,therewasnoneedformetodealwiththeminutiaeofalltheBrianLewisesAndesworkedwith.Thesedays,mytimewasfartoopreciousformetogiveituptohim.
“PleaseinformhimGlennawillbehandlingWestCoastoperationsfromnowonandputhimthroughtoherassistantifhe’dliketomakeanappointmenttotalktoher.”
“I—”Renatapaused.Papersshuffled.“Well,okay.I’lldojustthatafterIputinmyearplugs.Thatmanhasatemper.”
“Ifheyells,hangup.Youdon’thavetohandlethat.”
Icouldalmosthearhersmirking.“Don’tworry,Mr.Aldrich.Youpaymemorethanenoughtohandleagrownman’stempertantrum.It’sthemostentertainingpartofmyjob.”
IwasattheendofthelongestconferencecallofmylifewhenthedoorpushedopenandEliseappeared,holdingasmallpaperbag.Mychesttightenedatthesightofherinherswishynavyskirtandsilkywhitebutton-downwithabowaroundthecollar.Shehadn’tgivenintotheAndes,Inc.cultureofwearingactiveweartotheoffice,andIsecretlyhopedshewouldn’t.Seeingherinhersexylibrarianattireneverfailedtomakemesitupandpayattention.Bothmeandmycock.
Shecrossedtheroomandperchedherplumpassontheedgeofmydesk,waitingformetofinishmycall.
Ihalflistenedwhileslippingmyhandupherleg,herskirtgatheringonmyarmasIventuredhigher.Shedidn’teventrytostopme,hermouthcurlingandlegspartingtoletmestrokethevelvetskinonherinnerthighs.
Themeetingendedasmyfingersstrokedthelaceofherpanties.Imayhavesaidgoodbye,butIcouldn’tguaranteeit.Elisepressedthe“endcall”buttonforme.ThatmuchIknew.
“Ibroughtyousushi.”Sheplacedthepaperbagclosertome.“I’massumingyouwereplanningonstarvingyourself.”
Ibentforward,pressingmyfaceintothecreamyfleshofherthighs.“Youkeepmewellfed.”
Herfingersslippedintothebackofmyhair,andshelaughedsoftly.“Realfood,Westie.Youcan’teatmerightnow.”
Iraisedmyeyestohers.“Ibegtodiffer.”Pushingherlegsfarapart,Ifitmyfacebetweenthemandbreathedintheheatemanatingfromher.“Christ,yousmellgood.”
Shegentlyshovedmyheadaway,tskingplayfully.“Renatatoldmeyouhavefifteenminutes.MakemehappybyeatingsushiwhileIkeepyoucompany.Youcaneatmetonight.”
Thiswomanknewexactlyhowtoworkme,andIalwayswantedtomakeherhappy,sodespitethefactthattheonlythingIwashungryforwasherpussy,anddespitetheachingerectiontentingmypants,Isatupandopenedthebag.Elisetriedtoslipoffmydesk,butIgrippedherthigh,keepingherinplace.
“Stay.”
Hermouthcurled.“I’mstaying.Iwasjustgoingtositinachair.”
“Stayhere.IhadyoubymysideallweekendandnowI’mnotusedtoyoubeingfaraway.”
“You’resweet.”
Iscoffed,openingthesushi.“You’rethefirstpersontoeverclaimthat.”
“I’mgladyousaveditallforme,then.”
Poppingapieceofsalmonsushiinmymouth,IslidmyhandupElise’sskirtagain.Shesmirkedatmeandclosedherlegs,trappingmethere.Ididn’tmind.
“YouwenttolunchwithMiles?”
Shenodded.“HewastherewhenIreadyouremail.Heoffered,Iaccepted.”
“And?”
“Andwhat?”Herheadtilted.“Wehadagoodtime.Hewastellingmeaboutthenewvisualconcepthehelpeddesignthat’srollingoutintheUSstoresthisfall.He’sreallytalented,youknow.Hehasasharp,artisticeye.”
Ichewedharderthannecessaryonthenextpieceofsushi.ElisesayinganythingpositiveaboutMilesgotundermyskin.Hedidn’tdeservehercompany,letaloneherpraise.
“Hedrawsokay,”Isaiddrolly.
Herbrowarched.“It’salotmorethanthatoryouwouldn’thavehimworkinghere.Iwishyou’dtalktohim.Icantellhe’sbummedthelittleconnectionyouguyshadbeforehasbeensevered.”
“Thatwashisdoing.”
Sheslidherhandovermine,weavingourfingerstogether.“Thisisn’tthetimetotalkaboutthis.Wehavetenminutesbeforeyouhavetogetbacktothegrind.I’maskingyoutoconsiderspeakingtoMiles.I’llbethereifyouwant.”
Igloweredather,annoyedmybrotherhadtakenupathirdofourlimitedtimetogether.
“Whydon’twetalkaboutwhatwe’regoingtodothisweekendtotopthelastone?”
Shepickedupapieceoftunasushi,dippeditinsoysauce,andfedittomelikeitwasthemostnaturalthingintheworld.Toher,itwas.Elisewasacarer,andshewasdamngoodatit.AndsinceIwascompetitivetoafault,thewayElisewascompelledmetotryharder,tobebetterforher.
“WehavethefundraiserSaturday,”sheremindedme.
“That’sright.”Mygazesweptoverher.Mybeauty.“IwasgoingtosayI’mnotlookingforwardtoit,butthenIrealizedyou’llbedressingupforme.”
“Foryou?”Shelaughed.
“Mmm.Don’tpretendyoudidn’tpickyourdressoutwithmeonyourmind.”
Herteethwerediggingintoherbottomlip.“Youhavenoideawhatmydresslookslike.”
“Ifyou’reinit,it’llbesexy.”
“Weston,”shesighed.“Youreallyaresweet.”
“Toyouandyouonly.”
“Good.Now,eatyoursushisoIcangobacktoworkknowingyou’renotwitheringaway.”
SomethinginmychesttuggedmeforwardtowardElise.Avisceralurgetograbher,pressmyfacetohermiddle,andnotletherleavethisoffice.TheneedwassoferventIhadtoholdontothearmsofmychairtostopmyself.
“Go,beforeIdon’tletyou.”
Sheslippedoffmydesk,angleddown,andtouchedherlipstomine.“I’llseeyoutonight,Westie.”
Igrowled.“Stopspendingtimewithhim.”
Shegiggledandkissedmeagain.“Bye,grumpy.”
Thenshedisappearedthroughmydoor,andIheavedalongbreath.Beforeher,Andeswasmylife.Ithadneverbotheredmetoskipobligationstospendmoretimeattheoffice.ThenElisecamealongand,withouteventrying,dismantledeverythingI’dthoughttobetrueaboutmyself.
Itwasadizzy,disorientingfeeling,butIwasn’tfightingit.
NotwhenitmeantIcouldhaveElise.
IcouldproveElliotwrongandbethemanshedeserved.ChapterTwenty-nine
Elise
Saoirsepeekedherheadintomyroom.“YourPrinceCharminghasarrived,andhelookspositivelydelicious.”
Iturnedtoher,smoothingmypalmsovertheskirtofmyburgundygown.Mynerveswerefluttering.“AmIsuitable?”
Herbreathcaught.“Oh,babe.Youlooklikeapinup.Sostunning.Westonisnotgoingtoknowwhathithim.”
Laughing,Ishookmyhandsout.“Idon’tknowwhyI’msonervous.”
Shecrossedtheroom,takingmyhandsinhersandrubbingthemgently.“It’slikeyourbigcoupledebut.Igetit.ButyouhavetorememberthisisWeston.He’llbebyyoursidethewholeway.It’sgoingtoberomanticashell.”
“It’sWeston,”Imurmuredtomyself.Thefluttersstillhappened,buttheywereforhiminsteadofnerves.“Ishewearingatux?”
Shenodded,hereyesrounding.“Heis,andhe’slookinglikeJamesBond,theDanielCraigera.”
Isuckedinabreath.“Okay.Letmegolookatmyman.”
Myfloor-lengthgownswishedasIstrodeoutofmybedroominmystrappyheels.Thisdresshadbeenmoreexpensivethanmyrent,butbeingonWestonAldrich’sarmatablacktiefundraisercalledforasplurge.Iwantedtolookgoodforhim,likewebelongedtogether.
Iturnedthecorner,andtherehewas,standinginthemiddleofmylivingroom.Iwonderedifhe’dwaitedtheretogivemespacetomakeanentrance.
“Hi.”Myteethdugintomycrimson-paintedbottomlip.Myheartflippedinwildcircles.Mymanwasgorgeous,always,butinatux?WestonAldrichputeveryothermantoshame.Andthewayhewasstanding,hishandstuckedinhispocketslikehewascasual,hisheatedeyesandtightjawtellingadifferentstory,mademewanttodroptomykneesandtellhimhecoulddoanythinghewantedtome.
“Hi,baby.”Hisgazetrailedoverme,frommyredtoenailstomypin-curledhair.“Comeoverhere.Ihavesomethingforyou.”
Mymovementswereautomatic.Hecalled,andIanswered.WitheachstepItooktowardhim,thehighslitinmyskirtrevealedmylegallthewaytomidthigh.Theboninginmybodicestraightenedmyspine,pushingmybreastsout,makingmefeelgracefulandsensual.AndfromthehungerinWeston’seyes,Ilookedthatwaytoo.
Afteraneternity,Ireachedhim.Hetookmyhand,kissedmyknuckles,thenspunmearound.Hismouthwasbesidemyear.Hislipspressedtotheshell,thenhistonguedartedoutforataste.
“YouarethemostbeautifulcreatureI’veeverseen,Elise.”
Ishuddered,mylashesflutteringagainstmycheeks.“Thankyou,Weston.Youmakemefeelthatway.Andyou”—Iturnedmyheadsooureyesmet—“lookabsolutelydashingtonight.”
“Thankyou,baby.”
Hisarmscircledaroundme,andinhishandswasablackbox,whichheflippedopen.Inside,restingonblackvelvet,wasadiamondpendantthathadtobeantique.Diamondsarrangedinastarmotifframedadangling,cushion-cutdiamond.Fromthebottom,morediamondsdangledinsomethinglikeasparklingfringe.Itwasuniqueandextravagant.Noonehadevergivenmeanythinglikethis,norhadIseensomethingsobeautifulupclosebefore.
“IcheatedslightlyandaskedSaoirseaboutthenecklineofyourdress.IwantedtomakesureIboughtsomethingyoucouldweartonight.”Hismouthwasbesidemyearagain.“Doyoulikeit,baby?”
MyentirebodywastremblingasIattemptedtoholdbacktears.Iwouldnotruinmymakeupbeforeweevenleftthehouse.
“It’sexquisite,Weston.Putitonme?”
Hisfingertipstrailedovermyneck.Thependantrestedheavilyonmychestasheslidthethinchainaroundtomynape.Whenhewasfinished,hislipstouchedthebackofmyneck,thenhespunmearound,hiseyesflaringatthesightofhisnecklaceonme.
“Youshouldbedrippingindiamonds,”hetoldme.“HowdidIgetsoluckytohaveyou?”
Itouchedthependantthencuppedthesidesofhisneck,tippingmyfaceuptohis.
“Youhavemademefeelsospecialandthenighthasbarelystarted.Thankyouforthenecklace.Idon’tthinkI’llevertakeitoff.”
“That’sthefirstofmany.You’llhavetorotate.”
Hepressedalingeringkisstomycheek,thenmythroat,endingwithafeatherlightkisstomylips.
“Yourmouthlooksincrediblewiththatcoloronit,butIhateitrightnow.”HeglaredsohardatthelipstickonmylipsIalmostlaughed.
Ihelditinforhissake,butIdidsmile.“I’mkeepingtrackofallthekissesIoweyou.I’llmakeupforitlater.”
Hetookmyhandinhis,lookinggrumpybutsomehowhappytoo.“Good.Iwon’tforgetthatpromise.”
Andesgavegrantstomanyenvironmentalcharities,andtonight’sfundraiserwasinsupportofthelargestlandtrustinColorado.
MynerveswerebackattheforefrontwhenWestonandIwalkedintothelavishballroomfilledwithfilthyrichpeopleintheirfinestattire.He’dtoldmeonthedriveheretherewassomeonehewouldneedtospeakto,butotherthanthat,hewouldbebymysidetheentireevening.
Awaitersweptby.Westonsnaggedaglassofchampagneandhandedittome.Iheldthestembetweenmyfingersandliftedabrow.
“Noneforyou?”
“No.”Hishandcurvedovermyshoulder.“I’llhavesomethingharderfromthebar.”
Wewanderedoverthere,Westonstoppingtogreetmultiplepeopleontheway.Heintroducedmetoeveryone,butnameswentinoneearandouttheother.IwasalittlebithighonhowproudlyWestonannouncedmeashisgirlfriendtoallthestatelymenandwomenwespoketo.
WefoundLucaatthebar,flirtingwiththebartender.IfWestonwasJamesBond,Lucawastheravishingvillaintheaudiencewassecretlyrootingfor.Hisdarkhairfelloverhisforeheadinanartfulswoop.Thickstubblelinedhischiseledjaw.Aplayfulsmirkpulledathisfulllips.
Weston’stuxwasclassic,whereasLuca’swasmodernandstylish.Navybluewithcontrastingblacklapelsandblackpipingdownthecigarettepants,notmanymencouldpullitoff,butLucadidinspades.
AssoonasLucaspottedus,heyankedmeawayfromWeston,takingmyhandtotwirlmeinabigcircle.
“Bellissima.”Heshookhisheadashiseyessweptoverme.“You’resomethingspecialtonight,Elise.”
Blushing,Ipressedmyfacetomyshoulder.“Thankyou.DidyouseethenecklaceWestongaveme?”
Heleanedinanddefinitelypeekeddownmycleavage.“Stunning.ThoughIthinkWestcouldaffordsomethingbigger.”
Westonshovedhisshoulder.“Eyestoyourself.”
Lucaheldhishandsup.“Sheinvitedmetolook.”
Ispreadmyhandoverthetopsofmybreasts.“Atmynecklace,Luca.WhichIthinkisperfect,bytheway.Ifhehadgivenmesomethingbigger,Idon’tthinkIwouldhavebeenabletowearitinpublic.I’mnotusedtojewelrythisextravagant.”
Weston’sarmcircledmywaist,andhelightlykissedmytemple,hiswhiskeyinhisotherhand.“Getusedtoit.”
Lucagrinnedatbothofus.“Ilikethis.ToobadElliotisn’theretonighttoseeyoutwolookinglikeyousteppedoutofafairytale.Hesendshisregards,bytheway.”
“Moreimportantly,hesenthischeck,”Westonadded.
“Mybrother,thephilanthropist.”
ThethreeofuschattedforawhileuntilLucasawsomeoneheknew.WhenIcheckedwherehewasheaded,Ilaughed.Ofcoursehistrajectorywasthegorgeousblondeinred.HisveryownBondgirl.
WestonandIfoundourtable.Isetmybagonthechair,butIwasn’treadytositdownyet.Hegrabbedanotherglassofchampagneformewhenmyfirstonewasempty.Abandwasplayingsurprisinglyrecognizablerockmusicfromacoupledecadesago.
“There’ssomethingIdon’tknowaboutyou.”
Westonskimmedhisknucklesalongmybareshoulder.“Isthere?Let’srectifythat.Whatwouldyouliketoknow?”
“Doyoudance?”
Hismouthtipped.“Notoften.You?”
“Notoftenenough.Thisbandisgood.”
“Theyare.”Hepulledmeclose,hishandsplayinglowonmyback.“Willyoudancewithmetonight?”
“Ithoughtyou’dneverask.”Ileanedintohim,hopinghe’dkissme,despitemylipstick,butWestonstiffened,hisattentiononsomethinginthedistance.Iturnedinhisarms,tryingtoseewhathewaslookingat.Asultrywomaninblackstruttedtowardus,herdarkeyesgleamingandlaser-focusedonWeston.
Marisol.
Westonhadpreparedmeforherpresenceheretonight,butmystomachstillsouredwhenshejoinedourgroupandpressedhercheektoWeston’singreeting.Sheshookmyhandasthoughweweremeetingforthefirsttime.
“Lovelydress.”
“Thankyou.Yourstoo.”Thatwasn’talie.Ididn’tthinkIlikedthiswoman,butIcouldn’tdenyshewasnothingshortofstunning.
Hersmilewastightandwentnofurtherthanthebaresttiltofherlips.
“Weston,DominicPetersandhisCOO,CharliePlatt,arehereandreadytohaveachatnow.DoyouthinkIcouldstealyouawayforabit?”
“Giveusamoment,please,”heanswered,pullingmeafewfeetawayfromMarisol.
Weston’shandskateddownmyarm,andhiseyesboredintomine.“WillyoubeallrightifIstepawayandtakecareofthis?”
“Ofcourse.”He’dwarnedmehe’dhavetobethebosstonight.“Go,haveatit.I’lldrinkchampagneandmingle.”
Hestaredatmeforanothermomentthenshookhishead.“Youaretrulythebest,Elise.I’lltrynottoletthistakelong,butPeterslikestohearhimselfspeak,so—”
“It’sfine.IfIgetbored,I’llhuntdownLuca.ButIdoubtI’llgetbored.”
“Okay.”Hekissedmyforeheadthendippedhisheadtotakeadeepinhaleofmyhair.“Begood,beauty.”
WatchinghimwalkawaywithMarisoltwistedmystomachintoknotseventhoughIdidn’tdoubtforonesecondhewasfullymineandshehadnoholdoverhim.Theymetupwithtwoothermennearasetofdoorsthenallfourexitedtheballroomentirely.
Exhaling,Iraisedmydrinktomylips.He’dbebackassoonashecould.Untilthen,I’dmakethemostofmyevening.
ItwasmorethanhalfanhourbeforeWestonreturned.Overthattime,Ihadgonefromhappilywatchingtheglamorouspeoplemillingaroundtobeingmiffedtofeelingslightlyabandoned.Whenhetooktheseatbesidemeandkissedmycheek,Ifrownedathim.
“I’msorry,baby,”hemurmured.“ThattooklongerthanIexpected.”
“LongerthanIexpectedtoo.”ThoughthelastthingIwantedwastogetinafightwithhim,Ialsowasn’tgoingtopretendIwashappywithbeingneglectedforsolong.
Heshiftedinhischair,anglinghisbodytowardmine,hiswarmbreathbrushingmyearashespokequietly.“Eventsliketheseareforcharity,butthey’realsowhereconnectionsaremadeanddealsarebrokered.Canyougivemepatiencetonight?ImighthavetospeaktoPetersagain,ifhegetshisheadoutofhisass.Otherwise,I’mallyours.”
Islidmynarrowedeyestohis.MynightoutwithmyPrinceCharmingwasturningouttobelessCinderella’sballandmorelikemyseniorpromwhenmydatekeptsneakingoutsidetosmokeweedwithhisboys.
“Ifyoudon’tdancewithme,Idon’tthinkI’llforgiveyou.”
“Elise”—hetookmyhandinhis,hisarmdrapedaroundthebackofmychair—“ifIdon’tdancewithyou,I’llneverforgivemyself.”
Imanagedtosettledownandenjoymyselfforawhile.Westonintroducedmetoourtablemates,theoneswho’dbasicallyignoredmeuntilhearrived.Theyweren’tmypeople.Mostwereoldenoughtobemyparents,buttheywereclearlyallenamoredwithWeston.Itriedtobemadaboutit,butIsortofgotoffonwatchingmymanbeingfawnedover.
Ontheinside,Iwaspreening.Theymighthavewantedapieceofhim,tobeabletotelltheirfriendsthey’dhaddinnerwiththeWestonAldrich,butattheendofthenight,hewouldbeonlymine.
Afterdinner,Westonaskedmetodance.Onourwaytothedancefloor,wewerewaylaidbyMarisolandasilver-hairedmaninaclassictuxedo.Hehadtobeseventyyearsoldifhewasaday,andhewaswearingapairofcowboybootsonhisfeet.
Somethingabouthimsetmeonedge.
“Weston,I’mreadytotalkbrasstacksifyouare.”ThismusthavebeenDominicPeters,themanwho’dalreadystolenWestonfrommeoncetonight.
Ibracedmyselfforittohappenagain.
Weston’sfingersflexedaroundmine.“Iwouldlovetodothat,Dominic,butwewereonourwaytothedancefloor.Imadeapromisetomy—”
Marisolshookherheadandmadeastrangledsound.DominicPetersheldupahand.
“Myplaneistakingoffintwohours.WecanschedulesomethingwhenI’mbackhome,butI’mnotsurewhenI’llhavethetimeforthisdiscussion.”
Weston’sgazeslidtomine.Igavehimaclosed-lipsmile.ThiswaswhereIwassupposedtoplaythegoodCEO’sgirlfriendandhappilygivehimupagainwithoutmakinghimfeelguilty.
“I’llbefineonmyown,”Itoldhim,thoughIdidn’treallymeanit.“Doyourthing.”
Hisfingersloosenedthenslippedfrombetweenmine,draggingupthebackofmyforearm.“I’llbebackassoonasIcan,”hemurmured.
“It’sreallyfine.Whoevenwantstodance?”
Hiscallousedthumbrubbedmyelbow,thenhekissedmytemple.“Ido,Elise.I’llbeback.”
Lucasankdownintheseatnexttomine.“Bella.”
“Hey.”
“Where’sWest?”
Ishrugged.“Noidea.”
Ithadbeen…alongtimesinceWestonleftme.Ihadgonefromwatchingcouplesswirlaroundthedancefloorinwavesofsilkandsatintowatchingtheminutestickbyonmyphone.
“Inoticedyousittingalonebutthoughthewasgettingadrink.Whenhewasn’tbackthenexttimeIchecked,Idecidedtocomeseewhatwasgoingon.”Lucalaidhishandonmyshoulder.“Howlonghashebeengone,Elise?”
“Mmm…I’velosttrack.”
Istoppedcheckingbecauseitwasmakingmenauseous.
Hefrownedandcursedunderhisbreath.“Thisisn’tthefirsttimeheleftyoutonighteither.”
“HeandMarisolarediscussingapossiblecontractwithasupplier.It’simportant.”
Ifeltlikearobot,sayingthethingsIwassupposedtosayasWeston’sgirlfriend.Icouldn’tquitepinpointmyrealemotions,though.Angry,sure.Hurt,definitely.Butconfusionseemedtotrumpbothofthose,atleastfornow.Howcouldwehavestartedthenightsobeautifullytohaveitgolikethis?
Luca’sbrowpulledintoaheavy,straightline.“Iambaffled.Areyouokay?”
Thebandswitchedtooneofmyfavoritessongs,andmychestpanged.“Idon’tknow.No,probablynot.Iwantedtodance.”
Lucaliftedmyhandfrommylap,rubbinghisthumboverthetopofit.“I’mnotWestonAldrich,butIdoallrightonthedancefloor.CanIgiveyouaspin?”
ForthefirsttimesinceWestonwalkedaway,Iperkedup.“Iwouldreallylovethat,Luca.”
Itwasn’tsurprisingLucawassuaveonthedancefloor.Hespunmeandswungme,makingmelaughandignoretheacheinmychest.Themusicslowed,andhereeledmein,oneofmyhandsinhis,theotheraroundmywaist.Hewasagentlemanwithme,keepingspacebetweenuswhileIwasinhiscarefularms.
“Howareyou?”heasked,sweepingmewithhisconcernedgaze.
“Disappointed.Ihadbeenlookingforwardtotonight.Ifyouweren’there,IthinkIwouldbeorderinganUberrightnow.”
Acreaseappearedbetweenhisdarkbrows.“Ifyouwanttogonow,I’lltakeyouhome.”
Isighed.“Onemoredance,okay?”
“Anythingyouwant.”
Lucaledmethroughtheexquisitelydressedpeople,twirlingmeandmakingmefeelfloaty.Onedanceturnedintotwo,andthenIlostcount.
Whenthemusicslowedagain,Lucasmirked,somethingdeviouslightinghisexpression.“Ourpicturehasbeentakenquiteafewtimessincewehitthefloor.”
“Hasit?”I’dnoticedafewmembersofthepressandsomephotographerscirclingaroundtheroom,butIhadn’tthoughtmuchofitsinceIwasn’tanyoneinteresting.Lucawas,though.Asthebadboyheirtoamotorcycledynasty,Lucaoftenmadeitintothepresssimplybyshowingupplacesandlookinglikehedid.
“Mmhmm.It’sgoingtoabsolutelyburnWestupwhenpicturesofthetwoofusdancingarepublishedeverywhere.”
Iwantedtobedelightedbythat,butitonlymademesad.PictureswithLucawerefine,butpictureswithWestonwouldhavebeenevenbetter.Tonightwassupposedtobeournight,butithadbeenderailedquicklyandcompletelyintosomethingthatwasmakingmesecond-guesseverything.
LucanoticedIwasn’tlaughingwithhimandheheldmetighter,squeezingmyhandinhis.“He’smessingupwithyourightnow,butyouhavetounderstand,Weston’slikeamachinewhenitcomestohiscompany.I’mgoingtospeculatehehasnoideahowlonghe’sbeengone.”
“Well,Ido.”Theknotinmythroatmademywordssoft.
“Yeah,youdo.”Lucawassogentlewithme,swayingmetotheslow,rhythmicbeatofaballad.“I’msorryforthat.”
IletmyeyescloseandgavemyselfovertoLucaforamoment.He’dprobablylefthisBondgirltotakecareofme.Iwouldlethimgoattheendofthesongsohecouldfindher.Oneofusdeservedtohaveafunnight.
ThenLucastoppedmovingandIwasbeingtuggedinanotherdirection.MyeyesflewopenasIcollidedwithWeston’schest.Luca’shandwasstillonmyback,alookofconcernshootingfromhisdarkeyes.
“I’vegothernow,”Westonsaidlowly.
“It’sabouttime.”EverytraceofLuca’strademarkhumorhaddropped.“YoushouldbethankingmefortakingcareofEliseinsteadoftreatingmelikeanenemy.”Hisattentionturnedtome.“Areyouokay?Offerstandstotakeyouhome.”
“I’mherenow,Luca.Elisedoesn’tneedaride.”WestonsweptmeawayfromLucaasifhewastryingtostealme.TheonlythingstoppingmefrompushingawayfromhimwasthatIwouldn’tmakeascene.
Lucastayedfocusedonme.“Elise?”
Ishookmyhead.“It’sokay.Thankyousomuchforkeepingmecompany.”
Westonwaspositivelyrigid,andIcouldfeeltherumbleinhischestwhenLucapeckedmeonthecheek.
“Anytime,beautiful,”hemurmured.“I’malwayshereforyou.”
Hedidn’tbothersayinganythingtoWestonbeforehewalkedaway,butthathadbeenstatementenough.
“Elise,”Westongroundout.“I’m—”
“I’dliketogonow.”Iflattenedmypalmsonhischest,staringataspotsomewhereoverhisshoulderbecauseIcouldn’tbringmyselftolookathimrightnow.“Ifyou’renotready,I’lltakeanUber.”
Heflinchedatthat.“OnwhatplanetdoyouthinkIwouldletyouleavehereinanUber?OfcourseI’lldriveyouhome.”Hishandslidfrommyshouldertocupmyneck.“Butareyousureyou’rereadytoleave?Wehaven’tdancedor—”
“I’mready.”
Iwasn’tawomanwhoyelledorthrewfitswhenIwashurt.Instead,Iwithdrew.IhadbeenclosinginonmyselfsinceWestonleftmebehind,butnowthathewasbackandseeminglyoblivioustomyturmoil,Icouldn’tfinditwithinmetoeventrytoexpresshowhe’dmademefeel.
So,Iturned,freeingmyselffromhishold,andcalmlywalkedaway.
Atthispoint,itwasunimportantifhefollowed.ChapterThirty
Weston
TheglowingscreeninmyTeslajarredme.Iswipedmythumboverthetime.Ithadtobewrong.
Ifitwasright,I’dbeengonefromElisefornearlyanhour.Thatwasimpossible.TherewasnowayI’dfuckedupsomonumentally.
MyheadwasthrobbingfromlisteningtowhathadfeltlikehoursofbullshitfromPetersthatamountedtoabigproblemIwasgoingtohavetohandle.
Thiswasn’thowI’denvisionedthenightgoing.
“Elise.”Ireachedacrossthecenterconsole,takinghercoldhandinmine.“I’msorry,baby.Inevermeanttobegonethatlong.ThedealwithPetersisunravelingbecausehedoesn’tthinkourstrictoversightisnecessary.We’reupagainstarockandahardplacewiththeendofourcontractwithBrianLewis—”
Icutmyselfoff.Elisewasstaringplacidlyahead,andifshewaslistening,Icouldn’ttell.NotthatanythingIwassayingmattered.
“Thatshouldn’thavehappenedtonight.TheminuteIrecognizedwhatwasgoingon,IshouldhavetoldhimI’dmeetwithhimanothertime.”
Ibroughtherhandtomylips,kissingherknucklesonebyone.
“Ifuckedup,baby.IwasbeingtheCEOofAndesinsteadofyourboyfriendandthatwasabsolutelythewrongchoicetomake.Itwillneverhappenagain.”
Worse,I’dwalkedawayfromPetersangryathisblusteringandcarriedthatattitudeacrossthedancefloor,straighttoLucaandElise.Thesightofhertuckedinhisarms,hereyesclosed,Lucasmirkinglikethecatwho’dcaughtthecanary,hadnearlyblindedmewithrage.
I’dreactedbeforethinking,andnow,Ididn’tjusthavetofindawaytomakeituptoElise,Lucawasdueanapologytoo.
Atthemoment,myfocushadtobeonElise—whereitshouldhavebeenthisevening.
“Talktome,baby.”
Sheblinked,turningherheadslightlytowardme.“Idon’treallywanttotalk.I’mtired.”
Isqueezedherhandtighter,holdingitagainstmylips.“I’msorry.”
Silence.
Whenwefinallyarrivedhome,sherushedoutofmycarandtotheelevator,slappingthebuttonforherfloor.Withagrowl,Ihitthecodeforthepenthouseandbandedmyarmaroundherwaisttoholdherbackflushwithmyfront.
“I’mgoinghome,”sheuttered.
“Nottonight.You’recomingwithme.”
“Weston—”
“IfIletyougorightnow,you’lldisappear.”Iheldhertighter.“I’mnotlettingyoudisappear.”
Whenthedoorsopenedonherfloor,sheshimmiedfromsidetoside,attemptingtoloosenmyhold,buttherewasabsolutelynowayshewassleepinginherapartment.
“Idon’thavetheenergytofightyou,”shewhisperedasthedoorsslidshut.
“ThelastthingIwanttodoisfightwithyou.”
Oncewewereinsidemyapartment,Ilockedthedoorandleanedagainstit.Warinessofwhatwastocomeslippeddownmyspine.
Elisestalkedthroughtheentry,pausingtobenddownandslipoffherheels.Shecarriedthemwithhertothebedroom,herdressflowingbehindher.
Ifollowed.
Shewasfumblingwiththezipperonthebackofherdress.Steppingupbehindher,Igentlynudgedherfingersasideandunzippedher,pressingkissestothebareskinofhershoulders.Shecrossedherarmsoverthefrontofherdresssoitdidn’tfall,thenbrokeawayfrommetogointomywalk-incloset.
Ifollowedagain,yankingoffmybowtieandshruggingoffmyjacket.
Elisehadtakenoffherdress,leavingherinabloodredcorsetandmatchingpanties.Mybreathhitched.Mystunning,sexygirlfriendwasstandingthereinlaceandmydiamonds,andshewouldn’tevenlookatme.
“Elise—”
Shepulledonapairofjoggersthenstartedworkingonthehookandeyeclosuresdownthefrontofthecorset.
“Pleasedon’ttrytomakemetalkaboutthisnow.”Hereyeslifted,sweepingovermyfacebeforelingeringsomewherearoundmychest.“Ifyougivemesomespace,I’llbeabletohaveaconversation.Rightnow,though…I’mcloseddownanddon’tthinkIcouldstandtolistentoyoutrytoexplainawaywhatyoudidtonight.”
Mychestconstrictedwiththeweightofherhonesty.Iknewherwellenoughtorecognizeshe’dgonecold.Iwouldgivehertime,butspacewasn’treallyanoptionforme.
TonighthadbegunwithEliseslippingontheexquisitelingerieshe’dnodoubtchosenwithmeonhermind.Ishouldhavebroughtherhome,undressedher,andtakenmytimeappreciatingwhatwasunderneath.
Myinabilitytosetasidemyjobforonefuckingnighthadcatapultedustotheoppositeendofthespectrum.Thecorsetfellopen,andElisethrewitaside,coveringherbreastswithherarmwhilesheshookoutaT-shirtandtuggeditoverherhead.
Whileshewentintothebathroom,Isankdownontheendofthebed,myheadinmyhands.Patternsofmypastwererepeating.Mypastfailuresmockedme.
Nightslikethishadendedacoupleshort-termrelationships.I’dbrushedmyselfoffandmovedon.
Mostofthetime,Ihadn’tevenpausedtomarktheend.
IwouldnotletElisego.Irefused.
Balancewaspossible.Ithadtobe.
Shepaddedoutofthebathroom,herfacewashed,curlsbrushedoutofherhair.Asshewalkedbyme,Isnaggedheraroundthewaistandpulledhertome,pressingmyfacetohermiddle,holdinghertight.
Shewasstiffatfirst,buthermusclesslowlyuncoiled,andherfingersslicedthroughmyhairinlanguidstrokes.Neitherofussaidanything.Shedidn’twanttotalk,andquitefuckingfrankly,Ineededtogetmyheadtogether,soIdidn’tsaythewrongthingwhensheallowedit.
Irosetomyfeetandcradledherfaceinmyhands.“Areyousleepy,baby?”
Sheexhaled,herpartedlipsrosyandchewedon.“I’mjust…readyfortonighttobeover.”
“I’dliketodoitover.”Irestedmyforeheadonhers.“Tellmewhatyouwant.”
“Youwon’tgivemespace,sowhat’sthepoint?”
“Spaceisn’ttheanswer.Askforsomethingelse.”
Sheworriedherbottomlipwithherteeththensighed.“Zombies.”
“Shouldhaveknown.”
Wespenttherestofourwakinghourswatchingzombiemoviesonmycouch.Eliseletmeholdher,butshedidn’tspeakortouchmethewayshealwaysdid.Ihadher,butnotreally.Bythetimewewenttobed,Iwasgoingoutofmymind.
ButIbitmytongueuntilitwasbloody.Ihadn’tgivenherthenightshedeservedorthespaceshe’drequested.SilencewasallIhadinme,evenifitkilledmetodoso.
Iwokeuptoanightmare.PicturesofEliseandLucadancingthenightawaywerealloversocialmedia.IknewthisbecauseLucahadpersonallyemailedmelinks.
Shelookedbreathtaking,anditkilledmebecauseshehadn’tbeeninmyarms.
IfIknewLuca,hetookgreatdelightinrubbingmyfaceinmyscrewup.
Ihadonechancetofixit.
Withatrayofcoffeeinonehandandabagofpastriesintheother,Ikickedmyfrontdoorclosed.WhenIturnedaround,Elisewasstandingafewfeetaway,rubbinghereyes.
“Goodmorning,baby.Ihavecoffee.”
Shecoveredupayawnwithherhandandeyedthecupsonthetray.“IsthatfromPatterson’s?”
“Mm-hmm.Ihaditdelivered.”
AssoonasIsetthetraydownonthekitchenisland,shepluckedhericedcoffeefromthecupholderandopenedthedrawerwhereshehadstartedkeepingastashofmetalstraws.
Isetthepastriesonaplate.Shechoseachocolatecroissantandcarrieditwithhercoffeetothetable.
IfollowedwithmycherryDanishandsteamingcup,takingthechairacrossfromher.
“Sleepwell?”Iasked.
“BetterthanIthought.”Shesippedhercoffee.“Youweretossingandturning.”
“Yeah.”Idraggedmyfingersthroughmyhair.“Spentalotoftimethinking.”
“Imighthavesleptthroughit,butIdidn’tnoticeyouleavingthebedtogotoyouroffice.”
Ihuffedadrylaugh.“I’mnotlettingyououtofmysightuntilyou’remineagain.”
Sheleanedbackinherchair,wipinghermouthwithhernapkin.“Ifyoudon’twantmeoutofyoursight,canyoutellmewhyitwassoeasyforyoutodoatthefundraiser?”
“No.”Ishookmyhead.“Itwasn’teasy.Ididn’twanttodoanythingotherthanspendthenightwithyouonmyarm,butI’dalreadyagreedtotalktoPeters,andwiththedirectionournegotiationsweregoing,itwasn’tsomethingIfeltcomfortablebackingouton.IkeptthinkingonceIhandledhim,Iwouldbeabletogetbacktoyouandgiveyoumyfullattention.”
“Iunderstandyouhaveobligations.Butyoumademefeellikeanafterthought,andIwasexpectedtogrinandtakeit.”
“You’remyfirstthought,Elise.Always.Iknowmyactionsdirectlycontradictedthat,butit’sthetruth.”
Igotupfrommychair,roundingthetabletocrouchbesideher,andtookbothofherhandsinmine.
“Ifuckedup.Igenuinelylosttrackoftime.ItwasnotaconsciousdecisiontobeawayfromyouaslongasIwas.Thatisabsolutelynoexcuse,butIneedyoutoknowIdidn’tpurposelysetyouaside.IknowtheresultisthesameandImadeyoufeelunimportant,butyouareunequivocallythemostimportantpersoninmylife.”
Ibroughtherhandstomymouthandfinallycaughthereyeswithmine.
“Nothinglikethatwillhappenagain.PleaseforgivemesoIcanmakeituptoyou.”
Hereyesnarrowed.“Howcouldyoupossiblymakeituptome?”
“Wouldyoudancewithme?”
Herlipswerepursed.IfIthoughtforasecondshe’dbehappyaboutit,Iwouldhavekissedher.Weweren’tthereyet,soIheldherchinandrubbedmythumbalongthecrinkledbottomoneuntilhermouthrelaxed.
Shegrippedmyshirtwithbothhandsandsighed.“Youreallydisappointedme,Weston.”
“I’msosorry,baby.RememberthatsecondchanceImadeyoupromisetogivemewhenIinevitablyscrewedup?Thisisit.I’mcashingitin.”
“Sosoon?”
“Yeah.”Istoodandpulledherwithme.Shewasstillclingingtomyshirt.Islippedmyfingersthroughthebackofhersilkyhair.“I’msurprisedIlastedthislong.”
Iwouldn’thavehadElliotnottoldmewhatanidiotIwasbeing.Itwasunfortunatehehadn’tbeentherelastnight.Thenagain,Ireallyshouldn’thaveneededhimsittingonmyshoulder,tellingmenottoleaveElisealoneforanunacceptablylongtime.
Itookeachofherwristsandwrappedthemaroundme,thenIgatheredherinmyarms.Shewasfinallylookingatme,meetingmygaze.Herbigbrowneyesblinkedupatme,andwordsweretrappedinmythroat.TherewasalotIwantedtosay.AlotIwasfeeling.ButasIstareddownather,atthefaceI’dknownformostofmylifebuthadnevergottenusedtoseeing,Icouldonlythinkofonething.
“IneedtotellyouI’mcompletelyinlovewithyou.”
Herfingerscurledintomyback.“What?”shebreathed.“Youare?”
“Iknowthetimingiswrongfortellingyouthis.I’mnottryingtomanipulateyouintoforgivingme.It’sthesimpletruth.”
Shechuffedatthat.“There’snothingsimpleaboutyoubeinginlovewithme.Jeez.”Herforeheadknockedagainstmychest,thenshetippedherheadbackandfurrowedherbrow.“Really?”
Inoddedsolemnly,bracingmyselftobetoldtofuckoff.
“Well”—shelickedherlips,andherfingersdugintomybackalittleharder—“ifyouloveme,youshoulddancewithmerightnowandI’llconsiderforgivingyou.”
Myphonewasinmyhandbeforeshefinishedhersentence.Musicwasplayinginthenextmoment.Somethingslow,soIcouldholdheragainstmethewayLucagotto.
Afteraminuteofdancingthatwasmorelikeswaying,Elisespoke.“Itwasworsebecauseyouwerewithher.”
Myheadfellforward.God,whatamassivefuckup.Ifshe’dbeenoffwithPatrick—
No.
ThatIcouldn’tcontemplate.
Notrightnow.Possiblynotever.
“Igetthat.Ifeelnothingforher,butIcompletelyunderstandwhythatcompoundedanalreadybadsituation.”
“YouwereangrywhenyousawmewithLuca.”
“Iwas.”Myhandmadelong,smoothstrokesupanddownthelengthofherback.“ThemeetingwithPeterswasanexerciseinfrustration,thenIsawyouinLuca’sarmsanditwasmorethanIcouldreasonablyhandle.”
Sherubbedherfacebackandforthonmychestbeforelayinghercheekovermyheart.“Itmightbewrongofmetofeelorsay,butI’mgladyouwerejealous.Youdeservedtofeelastabinthegutfromseeingmespendingtimewithanotherman.”
“Elise—”Myholdonhertightened,andmyjawclenched.
“Iwouldneverpurposelyprovokethatsideofyou.That’snotwhoIam.But”shelifteduponhertoessohernosewasevenwithmine—“knowingyouwerejealousmakesmefeelwantedbyyou.”
“Iwantyoueverysecondofeveryday.DoyouknowhowoftenIwanttotearaholethroughthefloorofmyofficesoIcanwatchyouallday?”
Hereyesrounded.“No.Howoften?”
Adrylaughburstfromme.“Alot.Icursethefuckinggroundforkeepingusapart.”
“That’salittlecrazy,Westie.”
Westie.IneverthoughtI’dberelievedtohearhercallmethat.ThatmeantIhadachance.
“I’mtellingyou,Elise,Ireallyloveyou.”
Thecornersofhermouthcurved.“Youcan’tdothattomeeveragain.”
“Iwon’t.”Irestedmyforeheadonhers.“Myworkhasbeenmylifeforadecade.It’simportanttome,butnotmorethanyou.”
“Proveit,”shechallenged.
“Iwill.”Somehow.Someway.“Bepatientwithme?”
Breakingmyselfofaten-yearhabitI’dstructuredmyroleinmycompanyaroundwouldtaketime.Thatwasn’tElise’sproblem,andIrefusedtolaymyburdenatherfeet.
“Aslongasyoudon’tforgetaboutme.”
“Never.”ThatIcouldeasilypromise.
Hersighbrushedmylips,thenshetiltedherface,soitwasherlipsbrushingmine.
“Iloveyoutoo,youknow.ItscaresmehowdeepIamwithyouandhoweasyitwouldbeforyoutodevastateme.”
Heradmissionpummeledmestraightinthesolarplexus.ThebeautyanduglyofwhatshesaiddugintomeuntilallIcoulddowasholdheragainstmeandburymyfaceinherhair,breathingherin.
“Don’tbescared.I’vegotyou.”
Shesniffedandclungtothebackofmyshirt.“Youputyourselfbetweenmeandamountainlion.Ibelieveyou.”
“Overgrownkittycat,”Imuttered.
Shelaughedthenyankedonmyhairtoraisemyhead.Hermouthwaswaitingforme.I’dwastedalotofopportunitiesinmylife,IwouldnotwasteanothersecondnotkissingElise.ChapterThirty-one
Elise
Throwingmyheadback,mylaughterechoedofftheelevatorwalls.“Iwasn’tinchargeofthepasta,soitcan’tbemyfaultitwasruined.”
Westontuggedmeintohisside.“Youweredistractingme.Ourteacherisgoingtofailus.DoyouknowI’veneverfailedanythinginmylife?”
“That’sbecauseyounevertookcookinglessons.”Inibbledonhisproud,scruffychinasweascendedtothepenthouse.“I’mnotsurprisedyou’veneverfailed,youoverachiever.”
Hecluckedhistongueandshookhishead.“Takendownbygummypasta.”
Igraspedthelapelsofhisjacket.“We’reawfulcooks,butwehadfun,didn’twe?”
Hetookmyfaceinhishandsandslowlylookedmeover.Thecornersofhismouthhitched,andsodidmybreath.
“Ican’tthinkofanythingmorefun—outsidethebedroom—thandestroyingeverysingledinnerwe’veattemptedtomakeinChefSandra’sclass.”
“Loveyou,”Iwhispered.
“Loveyoutoo,baby.”
It’dbeenalmosttwoweekssincethegala.Westonhadbeenmakingaconcertedefforttobeanattentiveboyfriend,eveninthemidstofdealingwithsupplierissuesinCalifornia.TherehadbeenacoupledaysI’dbarelyseenhim,buthe’dletmeknowIwasonhismindthroughemailsandtextsandthencurlinghislongbodyaroundmineinbedattheendoftheday.
We’djustfinishedourfinalcookinglesson,andalthoughwehadn’tlearnedathing,Iwantedtosignupforanother.Westonwassoverycapableineveryaspectofhislifeexceptthisone.Asidefromthethreemealshe’dperfected,hewasaterriblecook.
SowasI.
Butdamn,didwehavefuntryingandfailing.
ItwasalsoarelieftoknowWestonwasn’tperfectateverything.Areliefforme,nothim.Hereally,reallydidn’tlikenotbeingabletomastersomething.
OurmouthswerelatchedaswestumbledintoWeston’sapartment.Hedughisfingersintomyhair,keepingmeinplacesohecoulddevourmylipswithhis.Healwayskissedmelikeitwasourlast.
Ituggedhisshirtfromhispantsandglidedmypalmsoverhistautabs,sighingintohismouth.Hisabsflexed,andIcircledmyarmsaroundhiswaist,strokingthelineofmusclealonghisspine.Hemademedizzywithdesire,andithadn’tlessenedovertime.Ifanything,ithadonlygottenstronger.
Athroatcleared.“NowmightbethetimetoletyouknowI’mhere.”
Westonimmediatelypushedmebehindhim,andIpeekedaroundtoseetheintruder.Mileswaskickedbackinthelivingroom,hislegsstretchedoutinfrontofhim,anklescrossed,abottleofwaterinonehand,apaperbackintheother.
Heputthebookdownandwiggledhisfingers.“Surprise.”
Westonfoldedhisarmsoverhischest.“You’renotwelcomehere.”
Sincethethreatofdangerwasgone,IduckedaroundWeston.“IthinkwhatWestonmeansiswedidn’tknowyou’dbeheretonight.”
“ImeantwhatIsaid,”Westonintoned.
Milesflinched,andhispainedexpressionwounditswayaroundmygut.HeandWestonhadneverbeenbesties,butthedistancebetweenthemwaslinedwithspikesandguardedbybloodthirstycrocodiles.Itseemedalmostimpossibletobridge.
Rubbingthebackofhisneck,Milesscootedtotheedgeofthecouch.“Itexted,butbyyourarcticwelcome,I’massumingitwasn’tread.”WhenWestondidn’trespond,hewenton.“Look,I’vebeenstayingwithMomandDadwhilemyplaceisbeingrenovated—”
Westonwentrigidbehindme.“Whatplace?”
Milescockedhishead.“Uh,thetownhouseIboughtayearago.Iemailedyouthelisting.Youevenreplied,‘looksgood.’Itneededatop-to-bottomreno,soitobviouslydidn’tlookgood,butIassumedyouweresayingyousawthepotential.”Hisbrowpinched.“Youdon’tremember?”
IglancedbackatWeston.Hisnostrilsflaredasheglaredathisbrother.Thenheshookhisheadonce.
“Ah,okay.”Milesnodded,hisjawrippling.“Isortofwonderedwhyyounevermentioneditagain.”
Iwastorn,whichwasstrange.IshouldhavebeenonWeston’sside,notjustbecauseIadoredhim,butbecauseofmyhistorywithMiles,butMiles’sturmoilandneedtobeseenbyhisbigbrotherwaspalpable.
“Noneofthatexplainswhatyou’redoinginmyhome.”Weston’stonewasdryandimpatient.
Milesstoodandkickedtheduffelbagbesidethecouch.“IwashopingIcouldcrashhere.LikeIsaid,I’vebeenstayingwithMomandDad,butIcan’tdoitanymore.Dad’sbeenaroundalotmorethannormalandalltheydoisfight.”
“That’snothingnew.”Westonwasunimpressed.
“No,Iknow.”Milescuppedthebackofhisneck,glancingbetweenthetwoofus.“Dad’sbeenbringinghisgirlfriendtothehouse.Sothat’snew.”
IfWestonhadbeenrigidbefore,hewassolidnow.
“Whatthefuck?”heuttered.
Milesnodded.“It’slikeWorldWarIIIinthathouse.I’vehadalifetimeofignoringtheirfighting,butevenIcan’tdisassociatemywayoutofourmotherpoundingonDad’sbedroomdoorwithafireplacepoker.”
“Christ.Didyoutrytostopher?”
Milesgrimaced.“Nah.IlearnedwhenIwasthirteennottoputmyselfbetweenthem.”Hedraggedhisfingeralongthescarinhiseyebrow.“That’sfrommetakingahitfromthewineglassmeantforDad.”
Westonmadeastrangledsound.“Younevertoldmethat,”heaccused.“Shethrewawineglassathim?HowdidInotknowaboutthis?”
ThecornerofMiles’smouthhitchedintoasardonichalfsmile.“YouhadtheLevys,IhadtheAldriches.”
“Whatdoesthatmean?”
“Itmeansyouwereabletoescapethechaosthatisourparents’marriage,butIwasleftbehindwiththem.”Milestoedhisbagagain.“Theyhaven’tcalmeddownintheiroldage.Ifanything,they’velosttheinhibitionsoftheiryouth.Iwon’tbesurprisediftheykilleachotheroneofthesedays.It’llbeveryWaroftheRoses.Intheend,they’llbelyinginapileofrubble,theirhandsaroundeachother’sthroats.”
Weston’sarmsslippedaroundmyshoulders,andhepulledmybacktohischest.Hisbodyvibratedwithtension.IwishedIcouldtakeitaway,butheandMilesneededtohavethisconversation.IfWestonwantedmehereasabuffer,I’dbethatforhim,butthishadtobebetweenthetwoofthem.
“Youshouldhavetoldmeabouttheglass,”Westonadmonished.“HowwasIsupposedtohelpyouifIdidn’tknow?”
Milesgavehimasteadyglare.“Ihadfourstitchesandyoudidn’taskwhathappened.ShouldIhavegivenyouawrittenaccountoftheevents?Isthatwhatwouldhavemadeyoucare?”
“Icared.”
Milesscoffed.“Youshoweditbydisappearing.”Hebentdownandpickeduphisbag.“Whatever.IgetthatI’minthewayhere.I’llgrabahotelroom.”
Myheartachedforhim.Ihadknowntheyhadn’tcomefromawarmandfuzzyhome,butithadneveroccurredtomeMileshadbeenleftbehindtoenduretheverythingsWestonhadbeenescaping.HaditoccurredtoWeston?Itdidn’tseemlikeit.
“Miles,”Westongruffed.“YouopenedthisPandora’sBox,yougettostickaroundandsortthroughitwithme.Putyourbagdown.”
Miles’sexpressionslippedfromdisgruntledtohopefulpuppy.“Icanstay?”
“We’llsee.”Westonsqueezedmebeforelettingmegototakemyhandinhis.Allofussatdownonthesectionalsofa,Milesononeside,Westonandmeontheother,thatchasmroilingbetweenthem.
Milesstartedtalking,releasingadelugeoftwodecadesofhisparents’drama.He’dbeenstuckinthemiddle,defendingtheirmomwhilealsostoppingherfrommaimingtheirfather,who’dspentthemajorityofhistimecheating,drinking,andspendinghismassivetrustfunds.TheirmotherwouldbabyMiles,takehimonlavishtrips,pullhimfromschoolinthemiddleofthedayforadventuressohewouldbeonherside.TheirfathervacillatedbetweenthreateningandcompletelyforgettingMilesexisted.
“Youleftmewiththem,”Milesaccused.
Westonrubbedthecenterofhisforehead.“Momdotedonyou.Shestilldoes.Ididn’tthink—”
Milesshrugged.“Youwereakidtoo,andyouwereselfish.Igetthat.”
Mylipwasbeingchewedtodeath,andmyhandwasbeingcrushedbetweenWeston’s.Theworstachewasmychest,though.ElliotandIweresoclose.We’dbeenthereforeveryoneofeachother’smilestones.NeitherMilesnorWestonhadthat.WestonhadrunwhileMileshadstayed,growingresentfulovereachpassingyear.
“AndIgetyouwereangryatmeforbeingselfish.”Westonleanedforward,acrevicebetweenhisbrows.“Idon’tthinkIcanforgiveyoufortakingthatangeranddirectingitatElise.Thatwasforme,nother.Sheneverdidanythingtoyouandyoufucking—”
“Iknow.”Miles’sshouldersdrooped.“It’snotsomethingI’mproudof,especiallynowthatwe’vegottentoknoweachotherandwe’refriends.”Hiseyesflickedtomine.“Weare,right?”
Inodded.“Youannoyedmeintoacquiescence.”
Hesmirked.“Mysuperpower.”
Westonturnedtome.“Idon’tthinkI’lleverbeabletocomprehendyourlevelofevolution.You’retheinjuredparty,yethereyouare,laughingwiththevillaininyourstory.Howcanthatbe?”
Milesflinched,andtobehonest,ontheinside,Ididtoo.IhadtoremindmyselfthiswasfreshforWeston.I’dhadyearstocometotermswitheverythingthathadhappened,Westonhadn’t.
“Ican’tstayangryforever,Weston.I’mchoosingtomoveonandletitgo.It’sespeciallyeasynowthatIunderstandwhereMileswascomingfromandwhathewasdealingwith.”
Westonbroughtmyhanduptohislips,touchingitgently.“That’soneofthebigdifferencesbetweenyouandme—Icanabsolutelystayangryforever.”
Iletoutasoftgiggle.“Iwouldnevertrytotakeyourangerfromyou.Ihopeyou’rehearingwhatMilesissayingtoyou,though.”
HeswitchedhisattentiontoMiles.“I’mhearingit.Iwasaneglectful,shittybrother.Iscrewedup,andI’mowningthatrightnow.Thatdoesn’tmeanIcansnapmyfingersandgetoverwhathedidtoyou.Heknewyouwereprecioustomeandpurposelysoughtyououttobullyyou.You’llhavetoforgivemefornotbeingallrightwiththat.”
“Nooneexpectsyouto,”Itoldhim.“Butmaybeovertime…”
“Maybe.”Weston’smouthpressedintoahardline.Iwasn’toptimistichewouldeversoftentowardMiles.
Miles’sexpressionlightened,clearlymoreoptimisticthanme.“Maybeisn’tno.”
Westonremainedunamused.“Youcanstayhere,butnolongerthanaweek.Ifyou’reannoyingorbotherElise,you’reoutimmediately.”
Mileswinkedathim.“Gotit.Youdon’twantmestayinglongenoughforsquatter’srightstokickin.Thatmakessense.”
Westonrose,pullingmewithhim.“Jokes,huh?Areyousurethat’stherouteyouwanttotake?”
Ipressedonhischest.“Shhh.That’senough.Nothinghastoberesolvedinonenight.”
Milesfloppedagainstthecouchcushions,miserypullingathisfeatures.“Humorhasbeenmyfallbackforalongtime.Sorry.”
Westongrunted.Hewasobviouslyfinished,whichwasfairsincehe’dbeenfarmorepatientandopenthanIwouldhaveexpected.Thefactthathehadn’tthrownMilesoutatfirstsightwashugeforhim.
“Areyougoodtosetyourselfupintheguestroom?”Iasked.
Milesnodded.“Westie’sletmestayheremoreoftenthanIcaretoadmit.”
“‘Let’isn’thowI’dputit.”Weston’sfingersflexedonmyhip.“Oneweek,Miles.”
Henoddedglumly.“Messagereceived.”
WestonandIwereinbed,facingeachother,hisfingersglidingthroughmyhairinlongstrokes.Mylidswereheavy,butIfoughtoffsleepingincasehewantedtotalk.
Andhedid.
“Ishouldn’thavelefthimbehind,”hemurmured.
“Youdidn’tknow.”
Hishandstilled,flatteningonmycheek.“ButIdid.Notabouttheviolence,no,butourhomewasn’twarmorloving.Ifoundthatwithyourfamilyandneverwantedtogoback.IshouldhavebroughtMileswithme.”
“Youwereakid.”
“Ididn’teventhinkabouthim.That’stheraw,uglytruth.”
“Andyet,he’sstillhere.Hestillwantstobeyourfamily.”
Heshuddered,histhumbspreadingtograzethecurveofmybottomlip.“Ican’tevenlookathimrightnowwithoutwantingtokillhimforusingyouashiswhippingboywhenheshouldhavebeenlashingoutatme.”
“Thenlookatme.Seeme,West.I’maliveandwell.”
“Iseeyou,”hewhispered.“You’reallIseeanymore.”
Thatmademesmile.Mygrumpymanwascapableofbeingincrediblysweet.
“Iloveyou.”
Hisforeheadrolledovermine,andhereleasedaraggedsigh.“Iloveyoutoo,Elise.IwishIcouldgiveyouwhatyou’vegivenme.AllIhaveisadysfunctionalfamilyandacompanyIpouredmyblood,sweat,andtearsintoforthelastdecade.It’snotenough.”
“GoodthingIdon’twantanythingotherthanyou.”Idraggedmynailsalonghisscruff.“KeepgivingmeyouthewayyouhavebeenandI’llbeahappygirl.”
“That’sallIwant.Youhappy.”
Hedidn’tunderstandheheldthekeytothat.Diamondnecklacesandcookinglessonswerebeautifulandspecial,butwhenitcamedowntoit,Weston’stimeandattentionwereallIwouldeverneedfromhim.ChapterThirty-two
Weston
Afterasolidweekofnegotiations,AndesofficiallybroketieswithBrianLewisandtheinsufferableblowhardDominicPeters.Marisol’steamhadfoundusathirdsuppliermorethanwillingtofollowourtermsinordertolandthecontract.
Mileswasstillinmyguestroom,buthewasn’tbotheringmeasmuchashetypicallydid.Thatwasdueinparttohimlyinglow.Hewaskeepinghismouthshutandhisdirtysocksinhisroom.ButIcouldn’tdiscountthefactthatIwasactivelyattemptingnottobeannoyedwithhim.Ihadnevergivenhimachancetobeanythingotherthanmyfuckuplittlebrother.
Thisweekend,Imightevencarveoutsometimetospendwithhim.
Iwasshuttingmycomputerdown,mymindalreadyoutoftheoffice,whenRenataknockedonthedoor.
“Yes?”
Shepusheditopen.“There’sareporterfromtheTimesonlineoneforyou.”
Ifrownedather.RenataknewIdidn’tgiveinterviewsunlesstheywerescheduledandvettedwellinadvance.“Why?SendthemtoPR.Idon’thavetimetotalktoreporters.”
“Weston…”thewayshewrungherhandshadmesittingup,alarmbellsringing,“Ireallythinkyoushouldspeaktoher.”
Ireachedforthephonebutstoppedmyself.Impetuousnesswasn’tmystyle.Actingwithoutplanningwouldonlyleadmetodisaster.
“Whatisthisabout?”
Renataapproachedmydesk,worrydeepeningtheever-presentcreasesinherface.
“ShesaidhernameisEllisFrey.IlookedherupwhenIputheronhold.She’sanenvironmentalreporterwhowasnominatedforaPulitzertwoyearsagoforinvestigativejournalism.”Renataheavedabreath.“ShetoldmetheTimeswillberunningastoryaboutoursuppliersdisposingofwasteimproperlyandillegally.She’dlikeaquotefromyou,butit’srunningnomatterwhat.”
Myspinefrozeintoanicicle.“Impossible.”
“Ithinkyoushouldspeaktoher.”
“Iwill.I’lltellherwhataloadofbullshitthisis.”Myhandwenttothephone.“Thankyou,Renata.Youcangohome.”
Shespunonhersensibleheelsandwalkedout,closingthedoorbehindher.
Ipickedupthephone.
ItwastwointhemorningwhenIcrawledintomybedandwrappedmyselfaroundElise.Herhandwenttomyface.
“What’swrong?”sherasped.
Sofuckingmuch.Butthethoughtoftellinghernearlysentmeintoapanic.
“Idon’twanttotalktonight,baby.”
“Okay.”
Mymouthfoundhersinthedark.Needforhersweptovertheangerandconfusionthathadbeenconsumingmethepastseveralhours.Holdingher,touchingher,wastheonlythingkeepingmestable.
Pushinghernightgownupandoff,Iburiedmyfaceinherthroatandlettheweightofherbreastsonmychestsoothemyrapidlybeatingheart.
“Ineedyou.”
Herfingersslidthroughmyhair,andherlegsfellopen.“I’mhere,West.”
Shewassoftandsowarm.I’dwokenherup,andwithouthesitationorquestion,she’dcometome.Rightnow,Iwasasinkingship,andshewasthebandthatkeptplayingthroughimpendingdisaster—comfortanddistractionbeforetheinevitable,painfulend.
HereyeswereshiningwhenIbroughtmyheadup.“Pantiesoff.Letmefeelyou.”
Nodding,shereacheddownandslippedthemoff.Climbingtomyknees,Idraggedmybriefsdown,revealingmyhard,achingcock.Sheproppedherselfonherelbowtowrapherfingersaroundme.Herpalmwashot,griptight,asshepumpedme.
“West,”shecooed.“Comehere.”
Elisewasmydestination.ShewasthereasonI’dleftmyofficeinsteadofspendingthenightatmydeskattemptingtosolvetheunsolvable.IfIcouldjusthavethisreprieve,Iwouldbeabletofacewhatwascoming,thepotentialdestructionofeverythingI’dbuilt.
Ifittedmyselfbetweenherthighsandfelloverher.Mycockwedgedbetweenherslickfolds,slidingbackandforth,grazingherclitwitheachpass.
Myarmtunneledunderherneck,fingersdelvingintoherhairasIslowlysankinsideher.Oureyeswerelocked,breathspassingbetweenus,skintoskin,poundinghearttopoundingheart.
Werodeeachotherinthequiet.Therewerenowordsthatwouldsoundright,andIcouldn’tformanywiththeknotofneedlodgedfirmlyinmythroat.
Shetouchedmyface.Istrokedthedownyskinofhershouldersandjaw.Ourlipsmetinafirmpress,parted,thenmetagain.Hereyesheldathousandquestions,butsomethinginminemusthavemadeherkissmeinsteadofasking.
Herkneespressedintomysides.Iwentdeeper,plungingfarther.Wewereascloseastwopeoplecouldbe,andstill,Iwasgreedyforher.
Shecamewithasighandamoan,herbodyholdingminedeep.Irubbedmylipsoverherbowedthroat,absorbingthevibrationsfromherpleasure.
IfIcouldhavestayedlikethisforever,justthetwoofusinthedarkwherenothingoutsidecouldcreepin,Iwouldhave.Aboveallelse,Iwouldhavechosenthis.
AshardasItriedtokeepgoing,tofightofftheending,mybodyansweredElise’scall.IheldherfaceasIpouredintoher,whisperingthatIlovedheragainstherlips.Sheheldmeclose,keepingmebetweenherthighsaswerolledtooursides.
We’dtradedpositions.Iwastheonewhoalwaysheldher,butitwasaseasyasbreathingtolethercradlemeinherwarmth.
“Iloveyou,West,”shemurmured.
“Loveyoutoo,baby.Gotosleep.”
Shenodded,hercheekonmine.“Youtoo.”
Itdidn’ttakelongforherbreathstoevenoutandherarmstoslacken.Istayedawakeforalotlonger,keepingherclose,wonderinghowIwasgoingtosurvivewhatwascomingmyway.ChapterThirty-three
Elise
Ifoundoutthenewsatthesametimeaseveryoneelse.
AndeswasunderinvestigationbytheEPAforthedisposingoftoxicchemicalsinnearbywatersources.ThiscameafteranarticleexposingthepracticesatBrianLewis’sfactory,whichhadbeengoingonforyears.
AfterspendingtheweekendalonewhileWestonwasinlockdowninhisoffice,Ihadexpectedtheworst.WhatIhadn’texpectedwasforhimnottotellmewhatwasgoingon.We’dbarelyspokensincehe’dwokenmeinthemiddleofthenighttomakelovetome.
AshardasItriednottomakeanyofthisaboutme,itwasimpossiblenottobehurt.TohavetoopenuptheTimestofindoutwhatwasgoingonwithmyownboyfriendwasadaggertotheheart.
Isuckeditup,putmysupportivepantson,andtextedhim.
Me:Ireadthearticle.I’mherewhenyouneedme.Iloveyousomuch,Weston.
Anassploppeddownonmydesk.“Didyoureadthatbullshit?”
IplacedmysilentphonefacedownandlookedupatMiles.“Idid.I’mabsolutelysickforhim.”
“It’sutterbullshit.Andesrunsregularchecksateachoftheirsuppliers.Thereisnowaysomethinglikethiswouldslipthroughthecracks.Obviously,someoneattheTimesissmokingtoomuchandtheirbraincellsaremisfiring.Weston’sgoingtoownthatpaperwhenhe’sthroughwiththem.”Mileswaggledhisbrows.“HowdoesTheAldrichTimessoundtoyou?MilesAldrich,editorinchief.Ihavenocluehowtorunapaper,butitcan’tbethathard.”
Despitethebouldersittingheavyinmystomach,Ilaughed.“Iencourageyoutofollowyourdreams.”
“It’sonlybeenmydreamforthelastminuteorso,butIappreciatethesupport.”Hisexpressiongrewserious.“Tellmehowhe’sdoing.Ihaven’tseenhimathome.”
Iliftedashoulder.“Ihaven’tseenhimeither.Idon’tknowhowheis.”
Hisbrowdroppedlowoverhisconcernedgaze.“What?Youhaven’teventalkedtohim?”
“NothingmorethanaquicktexttoletmeknowhewasdealingwithanemergencyatAndes.ThatwasSaturdaymorning.”
Miles’shandcurledintoaball.“That’snotcool.”
Itwasn’tcool,butIfelttheneedtodefendWeston.Andeshadbeenhislifeforsolong,havingitthreatenedandattackedhadtobekillinghim.Iwishedhe’dletmebethereforhim.Thatwaskillingme.
“He’sdealingwithsomethinghuge,andhe’snotusedtosharinghisburdens.”
“Nope.”Heshookhishead.“Notanexcusetoleaveyouhanging.Idon’tlikeit.”
“Idon’teither,butI’mnotgoingtogostormingintohisofficedemandingattention.”
“Youshouldn’thavetodemandit.”
Isighed.“Canyougoaway,please?You’remakingmemoreupset.”
Hisrighteousindignationslippedaway.“Ohno,I’msorry,Lisie.God,I’manidiot.”
“You’renot.Igetthatyou’reangryonmybehalf,butIdon’tneedthat.”
Hehoppedoffmydesktorounditandslunghisarmovermyshoulders.“Letmetakeyoutolunchtoday.Ipromisetobeonmybestbehavior.”
Itossedhisarmasideandleanedaway.“I’llletyouknowifI’minthemood.Rightnow,I’mtoogrouchytoconsiderit.”
Hebackedupasteportwo,holdingbothhandsup.“Okay,okay.Imaybedenseattimes,butevenIcanreadtheundercurrents.Justtosay,I’mhereforyouifyouwantcompany.”
“Thanks,Miles.”
Hefinallyleft,andIturnedovermyphone.NoresponsefromWeston.Mytexthadn’tevenbeenread.
Itwasmidnightwhenatextrolledin.I’dbeentossingandturningforanhour,sleepnowhereinsight.IguessedI’dbeenwaitingtohearfromhim.
Weston:Sorryittookmesolongtoreply.I’vebeeninmeetingswithlawyersandhaven’ttouchedmyphoneallday.Thisisn’tgoingtoendanytimesoon.
Me:Youdon’thavetobesorry.Areyouhome?
Weston:Justgothome.I’mabouttocrash.
Me:Wantmetocomeupandcrashwithyou?
Weston:Iwantthat,butIknowIwon’tgetthesleepIneedifyou’rehere.Besides,I’llbeupatdawnformoremeetings
Me:Okay.Iunderstand.Canyouatleasttrytokeepmeapprisedofwhat’sgoingonwithyou?Idon’tlovebeinginthedark.
Weston:I’lltry,but,baby,rightnow,mypriorityisAndes.Myheadisthere,soifyoudon’thearfromme,that’swhy.Loveyou.Goodnight.
Me:Loveyoutoo.xoxo
Iclutchedmyphonetomyachingchest.I’dbeenlongingtohearfromWestonallday,sowhydidIfeelworsenowthatIhad?
Irodetheelevatoruptoeight,chewingonmylip.Mystomachwasariotofbutterflies.Icouldn’tquiteunderstandmybody’sreaction.DroppingbytoseeWestonhadbecomearegularthing,sowhywasInervoustoday?
Probablybecauseithadbeendayssincewe’dbeenfacetofaceandourconversationshadbeenbriefandsparse.Hewasburiedinmeetingswithlawyersandhisexecutiveboard.Iknewthat,andIwasbeingasunderstandingasIcould,remindingmyselfagainandagainthiswasn’taboutme.
RenatawasonthephonewhenIapproachedherdesk.Hermovementswereharried.Hermouthwaspulledintoadeepfrownasshenoddedatwhatthepersonontheotherendwassaying.
Hereyesflickedtomine.IpointedtoWeston’sofficeandmouthed,“Isheinameeting?”Sheshookherhead,herattentionrevertingbacktothepersonshewasspeakingto.
IknockedlightlyonWeston’sdoor,waitingabeatbeforepushinginside.
Myheartdroppedatthesightofhim.Hewasathisdesk,hisheadhanginginhishands.Hedidn’tlookupasIcrossedtheroom.HeonlyreactedwhenIlaidahandonhisshoulderandsaidhisname.
Hisheadjerkedup,andthepurplesmudgesunderhiseyestookmybreathaway.Westonneverlookedanythinglessthanputtogether,eveninthemiddleofthewildernessduringourcampingtrip.Rightnow,hewasravaged.
“West,”Isighed.
Hestaredrightthroughmeforamomentbeforesnappingoutofhisdaze.“Elise.Whatareyoudoinghere?”
“Checkingonyou.”ImotionedtothepaperbagI’dsetonhisdesk.“Ibroughtyoulunch.Iassumedyouweren’tstoppingtoeat.”
Hisexhalewasraggedwithexhaustion.“Ifyou’dcalled,IwouldhavetoldyouI’mhavingaworkinglunchinafewminuteswithmylawyers.Youwouldn’thavewastedyourtimecominguphere.”
“Oh.”Histonewasmorecurtthanhe’devertakenwithme.Ithitmelikealoadofbricks.“IfI’dcalled,wouldyouhaveevenanswered?”
Hisbrowlowered,adeepcreaseformingatthetopofhisnose.“Look,Idon’tknowwhatyouwantmetosay.I’minthemiddleoftryingtosaveAndes.DoyouunderstandhowmanyjobsareonthelineifIcan’tpullarabbitoutofahat?IfIdon’tanswerthephone,it’sbecauseI’mbusy.Thisismysolefocus,whichIexplainedtoyoulastnight.Ican’tworryaboutansweringyourcallsrightnow.”
MyhanddroppedfromhisshoulderlikeI’dbeenscalded.
IguessedI’dactuallybeenscolded.Icouldn’trememberatimeI’dfeltsosmall.Probablyhighschool,eatinglunchinthebathroomsoIdidn’thavetotrytochokedownmyfoodtothechantsof“EllietheElephant.”
“Okay.Igetit.I’mgoingtogo.”Ipickedupthebag,crinklingitwithmycurledfingers.“Ifyouneedanything,letmeknow.”
“Elise.”Heleanedbackinhischairandgavemealong,thoroughonce-over.“I’lltextyoutonight,allright?”
“Sure.”Iswalloweddownmyhurtfeelings.Thiswasn’taboutme.IfIkepttellingmyselfthat,maybeI’dstarttobelieveit.“Bye,Weston.”
RenatawasoffthephonewhenIleftWeston’soffice,appearingjustasrunraggedashewas.
“How’ditgo?”sheasked.Herwryexpressionsaidsheknewexactlyhowithadgone.
Itookadeepbreathandofferedherasmile.“Doyoulikesushi?”Iliftedupthebag.“Ihaveextra.”
Shegrabbeditfromme.“I’msohungry,I’deatarat.Mybossisn’tgivingmeabreak.”
Mylaughwasforced,butIwastrying.“Well,letmeknowifyou’rehungrytomorrowandI’llgrabyousomethingwhenIgotolunch.It’snotrouble.”
“You’reagoodone,Elise.”Sheshookherhead.“He’snothimselfatthemoment.What’shappeningwiththeEPAandinthepressisapersonalattackinhismind.Weston’sentireethosisbeingcalledintoquestion.He’snotjustdefendingAndes,he’sdefendinghimself.”
Iwasn’tsurehowtorespondtothat.AnditturnedoutIdidn’thaveto.Weston’svoicecamethroughthespeakeronRenata’sphone.
“Renata,ItoldyouI’mnottakingvisitors.”Hisharshbarkrattleddownmyspine.WasIavisitor?
Renataquicklypickedupthephone,glancingatmethenaway.“Iunderstandthat,butIassumedtherewasanexceptionfor—”
Hecutheroff,andalthoughIcouldn’thearwhathewassaying,thedrooponherfacetoldmeeverything.Thisphonecallwasindirectresponsetoherallowingmeaccesstohim.
Shehungupandavoidedmygaze.“Thanksforthesushi,honey.”
“I’mnotanexception,amI?”
Withaheavysigh,shefoldedherhandsonherdeskandfinallymetmyeyes.“Itoldyou,he’snothimself.Thedecisionshe’smakingdonotreflecthowhefeelsaboutyou.”
“Sure.Buthe’sstillmakingthem.”
Hermouthpressedintoathinline.Therewasnothinglefttosay.Myboyfriendhadjustbarredmefromhisoffice,andwebothknewit.
Atmidnight,Ireceivedmytext.Istaredathisnameonthescreen,mythumbhoveringuntilitturnedblack.Itwasareliefwhenitwentaway.Iputmyphonefacedownonmynightstand,coveredmyheadwithmyblankets,andmademyselfshutmyeyes.
Inthemorning,afterafewhoursofbrokensleep,IallowedmyselftoreadWeston’stexts.
Weston:Homenow.Abouttocrash.Badday.
Weston:Areyouasleep?
Weston:Goodnight,baby.
He’dsentmeonemorethismorning.
Weston:CheckinwithmewhenyougetthissoIdon’tworry.Toomuchgoingontobeworriedaboutyou,baby.
ThatIwascryingbeforegettingoutofbedwasabadsignofhowthedaywasgoingtogo.Iswipedthetearsawayfrommyeyes.
ThebitterpartofmewantedtoletWestonbeworriedsinceIwasconsumedwithit.ButIwasn’tthatpetty.
Me:I’mfine.Don’tworry.Ihopetoday’sbetter.
Ididn’tcheckmyphoneagainuntilI’dshoweredanddressedforwork.He’dreaditbuthadn’tresponded.Dreadsatlikeleadinmygut.Nothingaboutwhatwashappeningfeltright.Westonwasincrisis,andinsteadofleaningonme,hewasholdingmeatarm’slength.
Ormaybehewaspushingmeawayentirely.Thatwaswhatitfeltlike.
SaoirsewasinthekitchenwhenIploddedin.Assoonasshesawmyface,shefilledamugtothebrimwithcoffeeandsliditacrossthecountertome.WhenIsawitwastheoneI’dboughtheratthefarmers’market,withapictureofanopossumandthewords“EattrashandhailSatan,”Inearlysobbed.Thiswasherfavoritemug.Sheneversharedit.
“Youfeelsorryforme,”Iaccused.
Shecockedherhip.“Yourboyfriend’sbeingadick,sosorta.”
“He’snotadick.He’sjust—”Ibrokeoff.Ihadn’tdecidedexactlyhowIfelt.
Saoirsecameatmewithherarmsout.Iletherhugmebutabsolutelyrefusedtocry.MymakeupwasdoneandIdidn’thavetimetoredoit.ThiswaswhereImademystand.
Shepulledback,restingherhandsonmyshoulders.“He’sbeingadick,honey.There’snodisputingthat.Igetwhathe’sgoingthroughishuge,butyou’rehereentirelyinthedark.It’snotright.Hecan’tjustsetyouasidewhenlifegetstough.”
“You’reright,andI’mnotgoingtotrytodenyit.ButwhatcanIdo?Ican’texactlystormintohisofficeanddemandattention.That’snotmystyle.Evenifitwas—”Ichokedonmyownwords.IttookmetwoattemptstoclearmythroatsoIcouldgetthemout.“I’mbarredfromhisofficeanyway.”
Ialmostcrumpledthen.Saoirse’ssympatheticexpressionmademewanttofallintoherarmsandspendmydaythere.Iwasn’tthisgirl,butthethingwas,WestonhadmadepromisesthelasttimeI’dforgivenhimforchoosinghisjoboverme,andI’dbelievedhe’dkeepthem.
Hehadn’t.
RealitywasaMacktruck.
“Lise—”
Ishookmyhead.“No,it’sfine.I’mfine.Ihavetogotowork.I’msureeverythingwillbeokay.”
ShesighedlikeIwasthesaddestthingshe’deverseen,andIsortoffeltlikeit.IfPatrickhadsimplystoppedtalkingtomefordaysonendthentoldhisassistantIwasn’tallowedtovisit,Iwouldhavetoldhimtogofuckhimself,nomattertheunderlyingreason
ButthiswasWeston.
Theexceptiontoeveryrule.
Iwasn’treadytogiveuponhimyet
Mymidnighttextskeptcoming,butthatwasmyonlycorrespondencewithWestonfortherestoftheweek.Workwasbusy,andinmyoff-hours,Saoirsepracticallydancedonherheadtodistractmefrommyquicklyfadingboyfriend.
Ireadthenewsandlistenedtogossiparoundtheoffice.PeopleworriedbutwerecertainWestonwouldfixeverything.Theysaidthiswhilewringingtheirhandsandupdatingtheirrésumés“justincase.”
SympathysoftenedmetowardWeston.Hismantlewasheavy.Everyonewaslookingtohimnow,andthathadtobeadifficultweighttostandtallunder.
Mypatiencewasafinitething,though,anditwaswearingthin.OneweekofneglectandbeingsetasideforAndes,andIwasmorethanhurt.Westonwasruiningusmoreeverydaythattickedby
Hismidnighttextswereaslapintheface.
Iwantedtorunuptothepenthouseandscream,“Youbannedmefromyouroffice!”ButIwasn’tthescreamingkind.Iwasthefoldingkind.The“quietlypackitaway”kind.The“removemyselffromasituation,flatteningmelittlebylittle”kind.
Whentheweekendcamearoundagain,Itrudgedtothefarmers’marketwithSaoirse,butevenherbuoyancycouldn’tkeepmeafloat.ItookmyphoneoutwhenshewasdistractedandtextedWeston,eventhoughI’dpromisedmyselfandherIwouldn’t.
Me:Hey…Iknowyou’rebusy,butIthoughtmaybeI’dseeyou,evenforalittlebit.Areyouattheoffice?
WithoutwaitingforareplyIknewdowntomybonesIwouldn’tbegetting,Istuffedmyphonebackinmybag,mystomachroilingwithshameoveraskingforscraps.
Saoirsebumpedintome,drawingmythoughtsfrommyheartache.“Babe,lookwhatIgotforyou.”Sheheldupaglassjarintheshapeofabeehivewithalittlebeeontop.
“Whatisit?”
“Youputhoneyinitandusethislittleswirlingsticktoserveit.Isn’titadorable?Iboughtitforyoubecauseyou’rethebee’sknees.”
Itookthecontainerfromher,chokingbacksuddentears.“ThisisthesweetestpresentI’veeverbeengiven.”
TherewasnohidingfromSaoirse.Shecuppedmycheekswithbothhandsandkissedmyforehead.
“Don’tyoudarecryinthemiddleofthefarmers’marketorI’llstartcryingtoo,andthenI’llneverbeabletocomebackandaskforthehoneyguy’sphonenumber.”
“Whydon’tyouaskforhisnumbernow?”
Shewaggledherbrows.“I’mkeepinghiminsuspense.Thisismysecondweekendflirtingwithhim.Onemore,Ithink,andhe’llberipefortheplucking.”
Justlikethat,she’dmanagedtokeepmytearsatbayandmakemelaugh.
Byevening,Ihadn’theardfromWeston.InoneoftheraremomentsIwasn’tbeingwatchedoverbySaoirse,Itookmykeys,shuckedmypride,androdetheelevatortothepenthouse.
IletmyselfinandstoppedinthedoorwaywhenIwasn’tmetwiththesilenceI’dbeenexpecting.
“Hello?”Icalled.
Thetelevisionwentsilent.“Lisie?”
“Miles?”
IventureddowntheentrywayandMilesappeared,hishandsonhiships,ahappygrinonhisface.
“Hey.Ididn’texpecttoseeyou.DidWestonsendyoutomakesureIwasn’ttrashinghisapartment?”
ThatansweredwhetherWestonwashere.Iwasdisappointed,butIwouldhavebeenevenmoresoifhehadbeenhere,hangingout,ignoringmytexts.
“No,hedidn’tsendme.”Mykeysdugintomycurled-uphand.“Hashe—isheattheoffice?”
Miles’scockedhishead,hisbrowcrinkledwithconfusion.“Wait—youknowhe’sinCalifornia,right?Heleftthismorning.Youdoknowthat,right?”
Everythinginmewantedtotellhimyes,ofcourseIknewthat.ButIwastootakenabacktoevenpretend.MyshockmusthavebeenwrittenallovermyfacebecauseMilescrumbledrightalongwithme.
“No,”hewhispered.“Hedidn’t.”
“Idon’tknowwhereheis,”Iconfirmed.
“Shit.”Milescameatme,scoopingmeintohisarmsthewayhealwaysdid.“I’msorry,Lisie.Idon’tknowwhathe’sdoing.”
Isuckedinashudderingbreathandletmyforeheadfallonhisshoulder.Deepinside,Iknewthiswascoming,butnowthatitwashere,Icouldn’tbelieveit.
Thiswasmylimit.
IlovedWeston.I’dgivenhimtime,space,andunderstandingbecauseofthat.Butthis…thiswastoomuch.Hegotonaplane,flewstatesaway,andIhadn’tevenbeenafactor.
Thiswasn’tlikewhenPatrick’sbetrayalhadslammedintomelikeatidalwave.Weston’sdestructionhadbeendonebyslowlyandsteadilychippingawayatmeuntilIwasallrawnerves,crackedbones,andshriveledtrust.
Wewereoverwithoutevenawhisperofaconversation.
IstumbledbackfromMiles,myeyesblurrywithtears.“I’mgoingtogo.”
“Youdon’thaveto.Staywithme.”
“No.”Iswipedatmycheeks.“Ican’tbehereanymore.”
Justlikehisbrotherhad,Milesletmego.ChapterThirty-four
Weston
Iwaslivinginmyownpersonalnightmare.ThereportscomingoutofBrianLewis’sfactorymademystomachturn.ThefactthatAndeshadn’tbeenawareofhisillegaldisposaldidn’texcuseitormakeupforthelong-termdamagethathadbeeninflictedontheenvironment.
Weshouldhaveknown.
Whathadhappenedwastheveryantithesisofthefoundationofmycompany.Havingthesmallestfootprintpossiblewasmybiggestpride.
Buttheoldproverbisabsolutelytrue.Pridedoesindeedgoethbeforethefuckingfall.
MarisolhadbeentalkingnonstopsinceI’dclimbedintothecarwithherthismorning.SinceshewasinchargeoftheWestCoastsupplychain,shewasshoulderingpartoftheblameformissingwhatBrianhadbeendoingandhadbeenactivelyworkingondamagecontrolalongsideme.
ThecarpulledupinfrontofAndes’headquarters.Igotoutfirst,thentookMarisol’shandtohelpherout.WewereonourwayintotheofficeforyetanothersetofinterviewswithEPAofficials.
Marisol’shandswereflyingasshewentoverwhatwasgoingtobehappeninginthenextfewdays.“Markinfieldrelationswillbevisitingthe—”
Iwasn’tlistening.Eliseroundedthecornerofthebuilding,headingtowardtheentrance.Asifshesensedmeapproaching,sheturnedherhead,andoureyeslocked.
Shestoppedwalking.Icaughtuptoheramomentlater.
“Elise.”
Herlipsflattened.“Weston.”
Notawarmgreeting.NotthatIdeservedit.
Butgod,IcravedevenaminuteofElise’swarmthaftermorethanaweekofnothingbutmisery.
“Woulditbepossibletotalk?”sheasked.
Itwasonthetipofmytonguetotellheryes,butIglancedatMarisolfirst.SheheldupherwristandtappedherwatchthenflickedherhardenedgazetoElise.
“I’msorry,butIhaveameeting—”
Eliseshookherhead.“It’saboutworkandwillonlytakeaminute.”
Reliefsettledinmychest.She’dgivenmeareasontosayyes.WorkIcouldmakespacefor.Everythingelsehadtowait.Icouldn’tletmyselfevenstoptothinkiftherewouldbeanythingwaitingformeattheend.
“Icangiveyouthat.Followusuptoeight.”
Elisestoodasfarapartfrommeasshecouldintheelevator.Marisoldidtheopposite,tomyever-growingannoyance.Silencewagedwarinthesmallspace.Whenwefinallyarrivedontheeighthfloor,Icouldn’tgetoutfastenough.
Iopenedmyofficedoor,allowingEliseinside.Marisoltriedtofollow.WhenIstoodinherway,hermouthfellopeninshock.
“You’renotlettingmein?”
“No.Goworkintheconferenceroom,”Ibitout.“I’llbeoutinafewminutes.”
Herperfectbrowsarched.“IfshewantstotalkaboutAndes,Idon’tseewhy—”
“No.”Iclosedthedoorandturnedthelock.
Elisewasstandingnexttothechairsinfrontofmydesk.ItooklongerthanIshouldhavedrinkingherin,butIwashungryforher.I’dlosttrackofhowlongithadbeensincewewereinthesameroom.Itfeltlikeweeksbutcouldn’thavebeenmorethanafewdays.
Eliselaunchedintowhatshehadtosaywithoutpreamble.“IrememberedsomethingoneoftheguysI’dinterviewedsaid.I’mnotsureitwillhelp,butIthoughtyoushouldknowincaseitdoes.CameronGillesmentionedthefieldteamusedtocomearoundallthetime,buthehadn’tseentheminalongtimeanddidn’tmissthem.”
Ihadtoclosemyeyestoprocesswhatshewastellingme.“CameronGilles?Whoisthat?”
“HeworksatBrianLewis’sfactory.He’soneofthemenwhotookmerockclimbing.”
“AndwhileyouwererockclimbingwithCameron,hetoldyouhehadn’tseenthefieldteaminalongtime?”
“Hedid.Itwasanoffhandcommentwhilewewerejokingaboutotherthings,butIwentbacktomynotestomakesure,andthatwaswhathesaid.”
Ifoldedmyarmsovermychest,angersimmeringinmyblood.“Andthisisthefirsttimeyouthoughttotellme?”
“Yes,itis.”
Myhandstightenedintofists.“Christ,Elise,ifyouwouldhavetoldmethisamonthago,allthis—”
“I’msorry,Weston,butoutofcontext,Icouldn’thaveknownhowimportantitwas.Itonlymakessensenow,whichiswhyI’minyouroffice.”
Thoughwhatshewassayingwascompletelyrational,Ihadtoworktoreininmytemper.Thereshewas,lookingbeautifulandsadandsofuckingfaraway.IfIcouldhavecrossedtheroom,Iwouldhaveshakenherorheldherorfuckedher.Maybeallthree.Butthenwhat?Andeswashangingbyathread.WhatIwanteddidn’tcomeintoplay.Notnow.
“Isthatit?”
Sheblinked,hershouldersfalling.“Iguessitis.”
Shestartedforthedoor,andIsteppedaside,holdingmybreath.IfIcaughtherscent,IfearedI’dgiveinandlosesightofwhatIhadtobedoing.
Atthelastsecond,shewhirledaroundtofaceme.“IheardyoutellingRenatanottoallowmeintoyouroffice.”
Iflinchedatheradmission.Ihadn’tdonethattobecruel.I’ddoneitoutofnecessity.“I’msorryyouheardthat.Butyouhavetounderstand—”
Sheheldherhandup,anditwasdangerouslyclosetotouchingme.“Andthen,asifthatwasn’tbadenough,IknockedonyourdoorSaturdaymorning.Milesanswered,andhewastheonetotellmeyou’dgonetoCalifornia.Youleftthestateanddidn’tbothertellingme.”Hertonguedartedouttolickherlips.“Whatareyoudoing?”
“I’mtryingtosavemycompany,Elise.Ithoughtyouknewthat.”
“No,Weston.Whatareyoudoingwithme?”Shehuffedabreath.“I’mnotevenaconsideration,amI?”
Phoneswereringingontheothersideofthedoor.Voicesofpeoplecomingtowork,attemptingtorectifythedisasterhappeningtomycompany.Myplatewasfull,andI’djustbeengivenonemorethingtoaddtoit.
Iwascracking,beingpulledinsomanydirections,myheadwasspinning.
AndthewomanIloved,thewomanI’dmadepromisesto,wasinfrontofme,rightfullyhurt,needingme.
Iwasfuckingup,likeIalwaysdid,andtherewasnothingtobedone.Therewasnotradingonedisasterforanother.Righthere,rightnow,Ihadtochoosewhichonetotendto.
“Ican’tdothiswithyou.We’lltalkwhenI’moutfromunderthis,butitcan’tbenow.Peoplearewaitingformeso—”
Herfingersgrazedalongthearmofmyjacket.“Iwaswaitingforyou.”
Therewasfinalityinhergentlewords.Pasttense.Adeathknelldeliveredlikeabasketofkittens.ItwouldhavekilledmeifIhadletit,andIcouldn’tdothat.
“ItoldyoubeforewestartedIwasnogoodatthis.Iwarnedyou,didn’tI?”Myangerresurfaced,butevenIdidn’tknowwhereitwasdirected.Itwasjust…there.Thickandsuffocating.
“Iguessyoudid.I’msorryIdidn’tlisten.”Shebackedupuntilshehitthedoor,thenshefumbledwiththeknob.“Anddon’tworryabouttalkingoncethisisover.Ithinkwe’vesaidallweneededto.Ihopeitallworksout.Andesisagoodcompany.”
Shewasgoneinthenextsecond,andthesenseofwrongnesshitmelikeatonofbricks.Ialmostchasedher,butIhadnoideawhatI’dsayifIcaughther.
Myphonevibratedinmypocket,andIyankeditouttocheckthenotification.Elise’spicturelitupmylockscreen.
Fuck.
Blackcoatedmyvision,andIhurledthephoneagainstthewall,theloudcracklikemusictomyfuckingears.Theurgetopummelmyfiststhroughthedrywallnearlyovertookme.Mybodylistedforward,myhandsreadytopoundsomethingintooblivion.
Whydidshehavetodothis?
Whycouldn’tshehavegivenmethetimetotakecareofwhatIneededto?
Ishovedmyfingersthroughmyhair.Therewasnotimeforthis.Andeswastoobig.I’dbuiltitintosomethingtoomassivetoletmypersonalfeelingsaffectmywork
Oneminute.
ThatwaswhatIgavemyselftopullittogether.
Whentheminutepassed,Istrodeintotheconferenceroomandglancedaroundatmyteamoflawyers,boardmembers,andMarisol.
Attentionwasonme,asalways.
“Ithinkit’stimewediscussourCaliforniafieldteam.”ChapterThirty-five
Elise
“She’sasevenatbest.”Simonpuckeredhislips.
“It’sallsmokeandmirrors.Withoutthatredlipstickandallthathair,she’dbeasolidfour.”RebeccapuckeredherlipsatSimon,bothofthemimitatingMarisoltheBeautiful,who’dbeenatAndesthepastthreedays.
Weweresittingoutsideintheplazainfrontoftheoffice.Theywereshittalkingtomakemefeelbetter.Itwasn’tworking,butIappreciatedtheeffort.
“Idon’tcareabouther.”
“Ofcoursenot.”Rebecca’sarmwrappedaroundmyshoulders,andSimonsqueezedmyknee.
Itwasthetruth.MyhearthadbeendecimatedbyWestonallonhisown.Marisolhadn’tbeenafactor,norwasshe.Ifhewentbacktoher,Ifeltsorryforher.Towillinglybewithamanincapableofchoosingthewomanhesaidhelovedwasaformofself-hatred.
I’dspenttoomanyyearshatingmyselftoevergobacktothat.
“TellmemoreaboutWyoming,”Simoninsisted.
“I’lltellyouaboutitwhenIgetback,”Ipromised.
Lastnight,I’dbeenslippingintothekindofmelancholyIhadn’texperiencedsinceIwasateenager.Mylimbswereheavyandachy,andwhenSaoirsetriedtospeaktome,hervoicesoundedlikeitwascuttingthroughwater.
Thatwaswhenshedecidedweweregoingtoherfamily’sranchinWyomingforalongweekend.Achangeofscenery,freshair,andcowboyswereheranswerformyheartbreak.Ionlyagreedbecauseoncetheweekendshowed,Elliotwouldinevitablyhuntmedown.I’dbeenavoidinghimtoolong,butexplainingtohimwhathadhappenedwastheverylastthingIwantedtodo.
Westoncoulddothat.He’dmadethischoice.Hecouldtellmybrotherwhathe’ddone.
“Justdon’tstayawayforever,”Rebeccapleaded.“Idon’tknowifIcangobacktothedayswhenitwasjustmeandSimonatlunch.”
Hethrewapieceofbreadather.“You’reanabsoluteslunt.”
Alaughburstthroughtheshardsofglassinmychest.“Aslunt?Whatisthat?”
Rebeccacoveredhismouthwithherhand.“OurdearestSimonjustcalledmeasluttycunt.I’vetoldhimmany,manytimesonlySam’sallowedtocallmethat—andonlyduringsexytimes.”
Anotherlaugh.Itfeltlikemysternumwascracking.“ThesearethingsweneverneededtoknowaboutyouandSam.”
Sheshotmeawrygrin.“Samisafilthyman.Ihopeyou’rehappyforme.”
Simonthrewanotherpieceofbreadather.“Shutup,wench.”
Shewaggedherfingerathim.“Nowthatyou’reallowedtocallme.”
Whiletheybickered,threepeopleexitingtheAndes’buildingdrewmyattention.Inthemiddle,walkingstiffasaboard,herchinheldhigh,wasMarisol.Shewassurroundedbytwomen,securityguards.Theyweregrippingherelbows,andeverycouplesteps,shetriedtojerkfreeofthem.
“Ohshite,”Simonmuttered.“She’sbeingescortedoutofthemotherflippingbuilding.”
“Whatintheworld…?”Rebeccacutherselfoff,obviouslyasfascinatedbythesceneunfoldinginfrontofus.
“Idon’tknowwhat’sgoingon,”Iwhispered.
Astheygotcloser,Marisol’sprotestscarriedacrosstheplaza.“StoptouchingmelikeI’msomekindofcriminal.I’llhaveyouarrestedforassault.Thisisinhumane.”
Thesecurityguardsremainedsilent.They’dprobablyheardallthisbefore.
“WhereisWestonAldrich?Whenhefindsoutyou’vetreatedmethisway,you’llloseyourpatheticrent-a-copjobs.”
“Ma’am,aswetoldyoualready,ourorderscamedirectlyfromMr.Aldrich,”oneoftheminformedher.
Simonwaspracticallyvibratingbesideme,buthewasquietasamouse,notmissingasingleword.
“Thisisabsolutelyludicrous,andIrefusetobelieveawordyousay.IneedtospeaktoWeston.Idemandit.”Marisoltuggedherelbowfreeandtriedtospinbackaroundtowardthebuilding,butshewasstoppedbeforeshetookastep.
“Ma’am,ifyoudon’tleaveAndes’property,we’llhavetocallthepolice.IfMr.Aldrichwantstotalktoyou,I’msurehe’llbeintouch.”
Thethreatofarrestfinallymadeherstopfighting.Acarpulleduptothecurb,andtheguardshelpedherintoit.Theystoodthere,waitinguntilthecarhaddrivenawaybeforeretreatingintothebuilding.
Rebeccablewoutaheavybreath.“Wow.I’mgoingtoneedtoknowwhatthatwasallabout,stat.”
Mystomachwasamessofwrithingworms.Ipresseddownonitandswallowedhard.
“We’llreadaboutitinthenews,”Iuttered.
“Screwthat,I’mheadinginside.Youknowsomeonehasthetea.”Simonsqueezedmeinasidehug.“WouldyoulikemetotextyouwhenIfindout?”
Ishookmyhead.“No.Idon’tneedtoknow.”
Hesighed.“Allright.HaveagreattimeinWyoming.Kissacowboyforme,love.”
ThethoughtofkissinganyonebutWestonmademewanttoscream,butIsmiledatSimonandpromisedtotellhimallaboutmytripwhenIgotback.RebeccawaitedwithmeuntilSaoirsearrivedtodriveustotheairport,thenshehuggedmeandtoldmeeverythingwouldbeokay.
Ididn’tbelievethatforasecond,butatleastIwasgettingoutofthere,givingintomyinstincttorunfar,farawayfromthesourceofmypain.
HundredsofmilesbetweenmeandWestonAldrich.
Itwasn’tforever,butitwasallIcouldgivemyselfatthemoment.ChapterThirty-six
Weston
IwalkedintoAndesThursdaymorning,anditfeltlikeahazyfilmhadbeenwipedaway.
ThepieceofinformationgiventomebyElisehadbeenthestartofuncoveringthenefarious,destructiveconspiracythathadbeengoingonrightundermynose.Oncethatinitialthreadwaspulled,itallcameunravelinginasurprisinglyswiftandcompletedeluge.
Thepastthreeyears,theleadofmyCaliforniafieldteamhadbeenacceptingbribesfromBrianLewistofalsifyhisinspectionreports.Heactuallyhadn’tsetfootinthatfactoryinmorethantwoyears.Withoutoversight,Brianhadbeencuttingcornerstosavemoney,illegallydisposingofwasteintotheenvironment.
WhenmyfieldteamwenttoinspectDominicPeters’sfactoryduringournegotiations,he’dbeenofferedthesamedeal:cashinhandtolooktheotherway,allowingDominictoignoreourstrictpolicies.
Nodoubthewouldhaveaccepted,butournegotiationshadgoneawryandAndeshadcontractedathirdfactory.
DominicPetersprovedtobetheunderhanded,duplicitousscumbagIhadfirstappraisedhimas.Whenhedidn’tgetourbusiness,hedecidedtogetevenbygoingtothepress.
Throughallthis,Marisolhadbeenbesideme,mostlikelyshakinginherbootswhileplayingthesupportivefriend.Thefactofthematterwas,she’dbeeninchargeofthefieldteamsontheWestCoastandallthisflyingbeneathherradarwasimpossibletobelieve.
Myteamscouredhercomputer,uncoveredproofofhernegligence,andshe’dbeenescortedfromthebuilding,heraccesstobothAndesandmerevoked.Thelastacknowledgmentshewouldeverreceivefrommewasmysignatureonherletteroftermination.
Alotofpeople’slivesweregoingtobeturnedupsidedown,someruined,butIcouldn’thelpbeingrelieved.Nowthatweknewexactlywhatweweredealingwith,wehadapathtorecovery.
Andnowthatthehazewasgone,asuddenandacutesenseofclaritywashedoverme.
IhadmadeamassivemistakewithElise.IhadbeenawarethatIwas,butI’dbeenonasingle-mindedmissiontosaveAndes.Ihadn’thadthementalheadspacetohalttheballI’dstartedrolling.
Igotoffontheseventhfloor.Nowwasn’tthetimetobegforherforgiveness,butIcouldn’tspendanotherdayinmyofficewithoutatleastseeingher.Absentthehazethathadbeenkeepingmeapartfromeverythingbutmygoal,thepressureinmychestbecameintolerable.
WithoutElise,Icouldn’tbreatheproperly.
Shewasmybreathoffreshair.Mybodyhadbecomedependentonher.HowcouldIhavegonetwoweekswithoutbreathingherin?Itwasinconceivable.
Tomygreatfuckingdisappointment,Elise’sdeskwasempty,hercomputerscreenblack.Iwaslatearrivingattheoffice.Mostpeoplewerealreadyworking.Sheshouldhavebeenworking.
Istrodearoundthefloor,checkingthebreakareaandstairwell,notfindingher.Eyeswereonme,includingElise’sfriends,RebeccaandSimon,whowerehuddledtogethernearthecollabtable.TheystraightenedwhenIapproachedthem,theirwhisperedconversationcuttingoffabruptly.
“Hello,”Igreeted.
Theymumbledgreetingsback,withnoneofthefriendlinessIwasusedtofromthem.Butthen,theywereElise’sfriends.They’dnodoubtheardhowbadlyI’dneglectedher.
Icuttothechase.
“DoeitherofyouknowwhereEliseis?”
Theyexchangedglances.Rebeccablinkedatme.
“I’msorry,who?”
Icockedmyheadinconfusion.IneededtosleepforaboutthirtyhourstocatchuponallI’dmissed.HadIsaidthewrongname?
“EliseLevy.Doyouknowwhysheisn’tatwork?”Ipressed.
Simonscratchedhischin.“IwishIcouldhelp,butIreallydon’tknowwhoyou’retalkingabout.”
Ipointedatheremptydesk.“Elise.Thewomanwhositsatthatdeskeveryday.Whereisshe?”
Rebeccatossedherhairoverhershoulder.“Ireallydon’tunderstandwhatyou’resaying.”SheturnedtoSimon.“Doyou?”
Heshrugged.“Notasingleclue.”
Understandingdawnedonme.Violenceroseinmyblood.TheyweregivingmethesametreatmentPatrickhadbeengivenbyElise’sfriendsinChicago.
“That’senough,”Ibitout.“I’dlikeyoubothtorememberwhoyouworkfor.Iwon’tbedisrespectedinmyowncompany.”
Rebeccaliftedherchin.“Idon’tthinkit’sappropriatetothreatenyouremployeesbecausetheywon’tdiscusstheircoworker.”
Simonlinkedarmswithher.“Iagree.Ifthere’snothingelse,we’rebusy.”
Theywalkedawayfrommewithoutanotherword.Butthen,therewasnothinglefttosay.Ishouldn’thavebeeninapositiontobegmyemployeestotellmewheremygirlfriendwas.
Andyet…
Wherethehellwasshe?
OnceIwasinmyoffice,IaskedRenatatocheckwithElise’sdirectboss,Salma.ShereportedbackthatElisehadtakentwodaysoffandwouldbebackMonday.Shedidnottellmewhereshewas.
Ispenttherestofthedayfuckingfloundering.Myconcentrationwasshot,andthepressureinmychestonlymountedasthehoursslippedby.
Itwasn’tasifIhadnothingtodo.ItwasthatIcouldn’tbringmyselftocareanymore,notnowthatI’dfullywrappedmyheadaroundthebombI’ddroppedonmyownlife.
Iwentthroughthemotionstogetthroughtheday.AslistlessasIwas,andasbadlyasIachedtotearoutofhereandhuntElisedown,therewerestillcallsandmeetingsthatrequiredmypresence,ifnotfullattention.
BythetimeIwalkedintomyapartmentthatevening,mychestfeltliketherewasaherdofelephantsstompingonit.Ikickedoffmyshoes,leavingthemwheretheylanded,andyankedthetieloosefrommythroat.
Mileswasatmydiningroomtable,afewtake-outcontainersscatteredaround.HismouthfellopeninsurprisewhenIsankdownintothechairacrossfromhim.
“You’rehomeearly,”hemutteredaroundamouthfuloflomein.
“Whereisshe?”
Heswallowedhardandwipedhismouthwithapapernapkin.“Nowyou’reasking?”
Myfingersflexedonthetable.Heknew.“Tellmewheresheis.”
“Haveyoubotheredcallingher?Askingheryourself?”
Iswipedmyphoneawakeandsliditacrossthetable.Hepickeditup,squintingatthechainofunansweredtexts,thenputthephonefacedownandsliditback.
“Sheisn’taround.”Hemetmyeyeswithahardglare.“That’sallyou’regettingfromme.Ifshewantedyoutoknowwhereshewas,shewouldhavetoldyou.Iguesssinceyoubrokeupwithher—”
Islappedthetable,blackshroudingthecornersofmyvision.“Ididn’tbreakupwithher.Goddammit,Iwouldneverbreakupwithher.Icouldn’t—”
“Youignoredherforalmosttwoweeks,Weston.Youdon’thavetosaythewords‘I’mdumpingyou’forittobetrue.Youwithdrewfromtherelationship,andsincearelationshiprequirestwopeopleforittoexist,I’dsayyoursisover.”
Ishotupfrommychair,shovingmyfingersthroughmyhair.“Fuck,fuck,fuck.That’snot—”
“Don’tsayitisn’twhatyoumeanttodo.Youmadeachoice,andthatwastogiveeverythingtoyourcompany.Ownthatshit,Westie.That’swhoyouare.”
Iopenedmymouthtoexplainwhathadbeengoingonbutfuckthat.Milesworkedthere.Hehadtobewellaware.
“IhadtogiveeverythingtoAndes.Therewasnootheroption.”
Heshrugged.“Allright.Well,assomeonewho’sneverbeeninaseriousrelationship,I’mnotgoingtosithereanddoleoutadvice.”
Iheavedasardoniclaugh.“Thanksforthat.”
Hehelduphishand.“Butfromalayman’sperspective,you’reacompletepieceofshit.”
“Youhavenoideawhatyou’retalkingabout.”
“Maybe.”Heballeduphisnapkinandtosseditonhisplate.“ButIdoknowI’vebeenstayinghereawhile,andIsawyougoingtobedeverynightalone.Howmanynightsdidyouspendalonebeforeallthiswentdown?I’mguessingnone.I’mguessingyouwerewithElise,thensuddenly,boom,somethingbighappensandyouwon’thaveanythingtodowithher.”
“ItoldherIcouldn’thavedistractions—”
Mileswinced.“Yeah,again,I’mnoexpert,butcallingyourgirlfriendadistractionisnotthevibe.Andyouknowwhat?I’mgladshe’snotaround.Ifthiswasyourplanofapproach,youwouldhavefailedmiserably.Iwanttodumpyou,andyouknow,I’mnotyourgirlfriend.”
“Whyareyouhere?”Irammedtheheelofmyhandintomyforehead.“Don’tyouhavesomewhereelsetobe?Isaidaweek.It’sbeenahellofalotmorethanthat.”
“Ididn’tthinkyounoticed.”Hegotupfromthetable,gatheringhisdishes.“Don’tworry,I’llbegonesoon.Thenyoucanbeallalonewiththeloveofyourlife,Andes.”
TwoweeksoffrustrationandalloftheangerI’dbeentampingdownswelleduntilIcouldn’tstopmyselffromexploding.Onesecond,Iwaspacingbehindthediningroomtable.Thenext,Ihadmybrothershovedagainstthewall,myfistrearedbacktoslamintohisface
Hiseyeslockedwithmine,andheraisedhischinasiftogivemeaclearertarget.
“Shutup,”Ihissed.“Whydoyoualwayshavetotalk?Youdon’tknowanything.”
“IknowwhatI’mseeing.You’rescrewingup,andforwhat?What,Weston?”
Ileanedintohim,pressinghimhardintothewall.“Whatwouldyouhavemedo?LetmycompanyfailandenduplikeDad,alazydrunkwhodoesn’tcareaboutanyonebuthimself?Wouldthatbebetter?”
“Isthatyouronlychoice?Oneextremeortheother?Youendupaloneeitherway.”Hepushedmeoffhimandbackedaway,hishandsupindefense.“Forbeinganassholeandlayingyourhandsonme,youcancleanupthemessyoumadememake.I’mgoingtomyroom.”
Hisdishesandfoodwerescatteredalloverthefloor.Istaredatthemblankly,Miles’spartingshotrattlingaroundmyhead.
Youendupaloneeitherway.
Youendupaloneeitherway.
Youendupaloneeitherway.
IgotoutthebroomtosweepupthenoodlesandriceandacknowledgedMileswasright.Inmyeffortstobenothinglikemyfather,I’dbecomejustasdestructiveashewas.
Nowwhat?
IcouldcrawltoEliseandbegforherforgiveness,butmyhandswereempty,andmypromisesmeantnothinganymoresinceI’dalreadybrokentheonesI’dswornIneverwould.
Itevisceratedmetoeventhinkit,buthowcouldInotwonderifElisewasbetteroffwithoutmeinherlife?
Shedeservedsomeonewhowouldbeabletoalwayschooseher.
Maybemyabsencewasafavortoher.
Noneofthosethoughtssatrightwithme,butthatdidn’tmakethemanylesstrue.
IthadbeenawhilesinceI’dmadeittoagymsession.Fridaymorning,Ifinallyhadthetime.WhenIwalkedin,Lucajerkedwithsurprise.Inoddedtohim,continuingtowardtheweights,whereElliotwaslifting.
Hewatchedmeapproachinthemirror.Expressionunreadable,hismusclesflexedashecurledadumbbelltohischest.
“Hey,”Igreetedhim.“Howareyou?”
Hedroppedtheweightintherackandwalkedawaywithoutaword.Myheadfellforward,shameheavyonmyshoulders
Hewaspissed,andrightfullyso.
I’dhurthislittlesister.IfIwerehim,I’dtearmeapart.
Lucasidledupbesideme.Leaninghisbackagainstthemirroredwall,hewatchedasIpickedupaweight.
Heliftedhischin.“Youdigyourselfoutofyourhole?”
“Fornow.”Myeyesslidtohim.“It’sbeenahellofatime.”
“Iwouldn’tknowsinceIdon’treadthenewspaper.”
“You’reinlinetotakeoveramultibillion-dollarcompany.Youshould,attheveryleast,readthefinancialsection.”
Hefoldedhisarmsandmadeachuffingsound.“Right.Goodadvice.IwasreferringtothefactthatIhaven’theardawordfromyou.Radiosilencefortwoweeksisabsolutebullshit.”
Idroppedtheweightbackintherack.“I’msorryifyourfeelingswerehurt—”
“Myfeelingsaren’thurt.I’musedtoyoudroppingoffthefaceoftheearthtotendtoyourpriorities.IcountmyselfluckyIdon’tdependonyouforanytypeofemotionalsupportbecauseIwouldhavebeenwavinglikeaflaginthewind.Thethingis,Iwouldhavebeenthereforyou.Youknowthat,right?”
Icuppedmynapeandheavedasigh.“Thankyou.Idoknowthat.Iwasn’tthinkingaboutseekingsupportwhileIwasinthemiddleofit.Nowthatwe’restartingtocomeoutontheotherside—”
“Youfinallyremembertherestofus?”Heshookhishead.“Elliot’scategoricallydispleasedwithyou.”
Webothlookedacrossthegym.Elliotwasrunningfulloutonatreadmill.Hisfierceexpressionandthetightnessinhisshouldersmostlikelyhadnothingtodowithhowhardhewaspushinghimself.
“Whatdoesheknow?”
“ThatyoubrokeupwithElise—”
“Ididn’tbreakupwithher.”Miles’swordsvaultedtothefrontofmythoughts.Ihadwithdrawn.Therewasnodenyingthat.“Wedidn’tendthingsofficially.Idon’twanttoendthings.”
“Wow.”Heturnedhishead,hisgazeunfocused.“Forasmart,successfulman,youreallyareabumblingfool.Youdumpedherandbrokeherfuckingheart.Haveyouevenfacedthat?”
Myhearthammeredagainstmyribs.Thiswasn’tanger,though.Awaveofpanicmixedwithhelplessnessslammedintome.
“Thatwasn’tmyintention.Ididn’tthink—”
“No,Iknowwhatyouwerethinkingabout.”
Hedidn’tsayit,butwebothknewwheremythoughtshadlain.
“Idon’tknowhowtobeanydifferent.”Thatwasthestark,rawtruth.Thishadbeenmyentireidentityforsolong,changingwasincrediblyfuckingdaunting.
Butthealternative,losingEliseforever,wasunacceptable.
AndImighthavealreadydonethat.
“Thenyouneedtofigureitout.Atthispoint,youhaven’tonlylostElise.Whereshegoes,Elliotgoestoo.”
Withthatpartingshot,Lucasaunteredoff,headingtowardthetreadmills.
Ihadalottothinkabout.SeriouschangestomakeifIwantedachanceatmakingthingsrightwithElise.AndElliot,forthatmatter.
WhatMarisolsaidtomewhensherejectedmymarriageideahadbeenlaughablethen,butnowitstruckapowerfulchord.IwasproudandlovedwhatI’dbuiltwithAndes,butcomparedtomyloveforElise,onedidn’tcomeclosetotouchingtheother.
ItwasElise.IthadalwaysbeenElise.
Istillwasn’tconvincedIwasgoodenoughforher,butIwascertainifIlosteveryotherthinginmylifeandonlyhadher,Iwouldhaveabsolutelyeverything.
Ihadalotofworktodo.Luckily,workwastheonethingIwasgoodat.ChapterThirty-seven
Elise
GoingtoWyominghadbeentherightdecision.
Istillfeltlikeavitalpartofmehadwilted,butwhileIwasthere,Ididn’thavetimetoconcentrateontheloss.Theranchwasn’tonlyaranch,itwasaluxuryresort.SowhenSaoirseandIweren’tbrushinghorsesandcooingovernewborncalves,weweregettingmassagesandspatreatments.Thenwevisitedwithherbrother,Lock,andhiswife,Elena.Theyhadtwokidswhowereallovertheplace,entertainingandsassy.
ThedreadonlyreturnedwhenwetoucheddowninDenver.
Thatpartofmewasstillwilted.MyheartachedsobadlyIkepttouchingmychest,expectingittobetender,butthisachewasdeepdown.
Itoldmyselfatleasttheworstwasover.Icouldn’tberejectedagain.Ithadalreadyhappened.
Now,Iwasaboutgettingonwithmylife.
Ihadnochoice.
RebeccagreetedmewithhersignatureflairwhenIpassedbyherreceptiondesk.I’dbroughtherbackapostcardofcowboyswearingnothingbutboots,coveringtheirdickswiththeirhats.ShetoldmeitwasgoingonthefrontofherrefrigeratorsoSamwouldpickuponhernewfoundcowboykinkandinvestinsomechaps.
Istupidlythoughteverythingwasgoingtobeokay,butwhenIsatdownatmydesk,Iwasprovenwrong.
AsinglePost-it.
Asharmlessasthosefluffywhitecaterpillarswithtoxicpin-cushionhair.
Ishoveditwithmypen.Ididnotwantthethingonmydesk.
Butitwasn’tbudging,andmyeyesweren’tavoidingtheneatlywrittenblackprintstandingoutinstarkreliefonthesquareofyellowpaper.
Astudyshowedthatcouples’heartbeatssynchronize
whenthey’retogether.
NowonderI’moutofsyncwithoutyou.
Iloveyou.
Whatthehellwasthis?
Tearssprungtomyeyes.Myteethdugintomybottomliptokeepthemfromspillingover.
Icrumpledupthenoteandtosseditinthetrash.Buthavingitinthesmallcanundermydeskwastooclose,soIpickedupthewholething,carriedittothebreakroom,anddumpedmytrashintothebinthere.ThenIstrodebacktomydeskandturnedonmycomputer.
MyhandsweretremblingasItypedoutanemailresponsetothatutternonsense.
To:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
From:eliselevy@andesinc.com
Weston,
PleaserefrainfromleavinganythingonmydeskunlessitpertainstoAndes.It’sincrediblyunprofessionaltobringpersonalmatterstotheoffice.Youhavetheluxuryofanofficewhereyoucanhideyourreactions.Iamsittinginthemiddleofmycoworkers,forcedtoreadalovenotefromtheman,myboss,whoeffectivelyguttedme.
Thisisnotfair,andifitcontinues,workingatAndeswillbeuntenableforme.
Elise
Istaredattheemailforseveralminutes,mystomachchurningmadly.ThenItookadeepbreathanddeleteditall.IfIopenedupcontactbetweenus,he’dtakeitaspermissiontocontinue,andIdidn’twantthat.
IhadnoideawhatWestonwasdoingnow.He’dmadeitabundantlyclearhecouldn’tbeinarelationshipwithme.Itrulyhadthoughtthatwouldbetheendofeverything.ButwhileIwasinWyoming,he’dtextedmenonstop.Saoirsehadeventuallytakenmyphonefromme.
Allthesethoughtswouldbesavedforlater,whenIwashomewithaglassofwineandSaoirsetoyellourfrustrationstotheuniverse.AnotherdeepbreathandItuckeditallaway.
Everythingwasgoingwelluntilnoon.Mystomachgrowled,notifyingmeitwastimetograbSimonandRebeccaforlunch.BeforeIcouldshutdownmycomputerormakeanymove,thedistantdingoftheelevatorshotlikeabullettothepartofmybrainthattoldmeitwastimeforflight
Momentslater,WestonAldrichstrodethroughthecreativefloor.Hislong,leanlegscarriedhimtowardmesoswiftlyIhadn’tbeenabletobracemyselfforhispresence.
Hestoppedinfrontofmydesk,hisfingertipspressingontheedge.
“Hello,Elise.”
Iblinkedupathim,focusingsomewhereoverhisshoulder.“Hello.”
“Iwaswonderingifyou’djoinmeforlunchtoday.”
HemightaswellhaveslappedmeforhowviolentlyIflinched.“What?”Iwheezed.
“I’dliketohavelunchwithyou.Willyoujoinme?Imadereservations—”
Ishookmyhead.“No,thankyou.I’mnotinterested.”
Hewentstill,thetipsofhisfingersturningwhitefromhowhardheleanedonthem.
“Please.”
Hisforcefulpleawaswhatdidit.Finally,Iforcedmyeyestohis.Itwasamistake.Myagonyreflectedbackatme,whichdidn’tmakeanysense.Hehadchosenthis.Whywashehere,actinglikethiswasjustastorturousforhimasitwasforme?
Icouldhavethrownwhathe’dsaidtomewhenI’dtriedtobringhimlunchbackathim.Icouldhavebeencruelandmean,tellinghimhe’dwastedhistimecominghereandshouldhavejustcalled.
ButI’dneverallowmyselftolashoutbecauseIwashurting.Elainehadwornherpainlikeporcupineneedles.Becomingmymotherwasmyworstnightmare.Westonwasn’tgoingtoturnmeintoher.
“Areyoulookingforclosure?I’vetoldyoumyopiniononthat.”Igesturedbackandforthbetweenus.“Whatyou’redoingnowisonlyprolongingtheprocessofmovingon.Wedon’tneedtoseeeachother.Idon’twantto.”
Hepressedhispalmsflatonmydeskandbentforward,hisvoicelowandurgent.“Nooneismovingon,Elise.”
Mybreathhitched,butIheldstrong.“Thisisinappropriate.”
“Comewithme.”
“No.”
Heshuddered.Hisshouldersshook,andhiseyessqueezedclosedforafewseconds.Iunderstoodthatfeeling.I’dhaditforweeksnow.
“Tonight,then.”
Istayedfirm,evenashispleasslicedthroughmelikethesharpestblade.
“No,Weston.”
Heopenedhismouthtospeak,tobeg,Iguessed,butSimonandRebeccacrowdedinnexttohim,andSimonactuallynudgedWeston’ssidewithhiselbow.
“Readytogo,Lise?”Rebeccachirped.
“Lunchisonmetoday,love,”Simonadded.
Igrabbedmyphone,leavingeverythingelsebehind,andvaultedupfrommychair.“I’mready.”
IleftWestonstandingbymydesk,butnotbeforeIcaughthisbereftexpression.
Whatwashedoing?Andwhynow,aftereverything?
Twobouquetsofpinkflowerswaitedformeathome.
Ifrownedatthem,thenatSaoirse.“Two?Really?”
“Actually”—shepluckedthecardfromthesmallerbouquet—“thisoneismine.Itsays,‘ToSaoirse.ThanksfortakingcareofmygirlwhenIdidn’t.Iheardyoulikeflowerstoo.Enjoy.’So,yeah.Weston’stryingtowinmetohisside.”
“Aretheresides?”
Sheshrugged.“Iguessthat’suptoyou.Doeshefeellikeyourenemynow?”
“Ifeellikehe’sastranger.”Isquintedattheflowers,whichweretooprettyformetothrowaway.“I’mnotreadingthecard.”
“Doyouwantmetoreadit?”
“No.Yes.”Shereachedforthecard.Igrabbedherarm,stoppingher.“No.Idon’twantanymore‘Iloveyous’fromhim.Theydon’tmeananything.”
“Theymeansomething.”
Inarrowedmyeyesather.“Onebouquetandyou’reonhisside?”
“Ithoughttherewerenosides.”
Ihadtolaugh.“Idon’tevenunderstandwhat’shappeningrightnow.Whyishesendingusflowers?”
Sheraisedashoulder.“Theonlywayyou’llfindthatoutisifyoutalktohim.Don’tyouwanttoatleasttellhimwhatyouthinkofhim?”
“Idon’t,no.Thatwon’tdoanythingformebesidespickatwounds.Ijustwantthistoallbeover.”
Mybottomlipstartedtoquiver,andawaveofdespondencysweptmeunder.I’dhadtimetogetusedtoit,buttherewerestillinstanceswhereIcouldn’twrapmyheadaroundourending.Thiswasoneofthosetimes.IhopeditwasaterribledreamandI’dwakebesideWeston.He’dholdmeandassuremehe’dneverchooseanythingoverme.
Thatwasn’thappening.He’dalreadydonethechoosing.ChapterThirty-eight
Elise
Westonwaseverywhere.
HeleftanotherPost-itonmydesk.Thisoneequallygut-wrenching.
Baader-Meinhofphenomenonisafrequencyillusioninwhichsomethingyounoticeforthefirsttimestartsto“appear”everywhere.
I’mundernoillusionsaboutyou.FromthemomentIfell,youareallIsee
Thatwouldhavebeenbadenough,butWestonwasnothingifnotdedicatedtohispursuits.IsupposedsinceAndeswascrawlingoutofitscrisis,henowhadtimetopursueme,settinghimselfupatthecollaborationtable,whichhappenedtobeacrossfrommydesk.
He’dgreetedmewhenI’dwalkedin,watchedmereadhisnote,andflinchedwhenIrippeditupandtosseditinthebreakareatrashcan.
Atlunchtime,heapproachedmydeskandspokeinalow,privatetone.“Willyouhavelunchwithmetoday?”
Myfingersdidn’tpauseonmykeyboard.Mymonitorhadneverbeensointeresting.
“No.”
“Please.”
“Theanswerisn’tgoingtochange.”
“Don’tyouthinkweshouldhaveaconversation?”
“No.”
Ihadneverbeenmoreawareofmysurroundings.WestonandIhadn’tbeenoutloudaboutourrelationship,buthehadn’tkeptitasecreteither.Forthemostpart,mycoworkershadanideawehadbeentogether.Now,theywereallgettingtowatchtheaftermathplayout
“Elise.Youcan’t—”
“Ican.”Finally,Iflickedmyeyestohim.Iwouldn’tmeethisgaze,butIgavehimalonglook.Hewaswearingthenavy-bluesuitI’doncetoldhimwasmyfavorite.Therewasnotachancethatwasbyaccident.Westonwastoodeliberate.
Hescrubbedatthethickscruffonhisjaw.“You’reghostingme.That’swhatthisis.Yousaidyouwouldn’tdothis.”
Isuckedinasharpbreathathisaccusation.Hedidn’tgettosaythattome.Hewasn’ttheonewho’dbeenwrongedhere.I’dreactedtohisactions.
“Youghostedmefirst,Weston.”
Ipushedbackfrommydeskandwalkedrightbyhim.TherewasnowayIcouldstay.AsIrodetheelevatordowntothecafeteria,IconsideredImightnotgettostayatAndesatallifWestondidn’tbackoff.I’dtakemydead-endjobbackinChicagooverthis
WestonhadclearedoutbythetimeI’dmadeitbacktoseven,buthe’dleftmesomethingbehind:adillpicklespearinplasticwrapwithanotethatsaid,“Thiscamewithmylunch.Don’tletitgotowaste.Talksoon.Iloveyou.”
Iatethefreakingpickle.
ThenIhadtohideinthebathroomtohaveacry.
Itwasn’tjustapickleIwascryingover.Itwasthereminderofourhistory.He’dbeengivingmehispicklesforever.Westonhadbeenpartofmylifeforsolong,theprospectoftrulycuttingtieswithhimoverwhelmedmewithsorrow.
Iwaveredinthosemoments.Wouldithavebeensobadtolistentohim?Hewasclearlysorry.Ifhesaidtherightwords,Icouldtakehimback,andthiswretchedemptinessinmewouldbefilledwithhim.
ButwhathappenednexttimeAndesneededhim?HowcouldIgothroughthisagain?
Theanswerwaseasy.Icouldn’t.
Idriedmytearsandwentbacktomydesk,newlyresolvedtocontinueworkingtogetoverWestonAldrich.
Hewasn’tmakingiteasy.Westonworkedatthecollabtableforatleastpartofthenextfewdays,askingmetoluncheachdayandleavingmelovenotes.Moreflowersweredeliveredathome.Hepleadedforaconversation.
Itoldhimno.Irippeduphisnotes,shovedhisflowersintoSaoirse’sroom.Eachtimehecametome,thestonethickenedaroundmyheart.Ihadtodoit.IfIdidn’tprotectmyself,hewouldhavegottentome.WhenitcametoWeston,Iwasn’tstrong.
Thursday,whenIreturnedtomydesk,therewasagiftbagwaitingforme.Shiftingthetissuepaperaside,Ipeekedatthecontentsandfrowned.
Anemptyjar.
Okay.Confusing.
Isatdowninmychairtoreadthenotehe’dleftwithit.
ThereisashelfwhereIkeepthejarswiththeirhearts.Ialwaystakethehearts.Leavingthembehindtorotseemswrong,somehow.
Mymoralsaremyown.Don’tjudgeme
Earlier,Igaveherherownjar.Sheaskedmewhy.Itoldhertoputitonashelf.Anytimeshewants,shecanpluckmyheartfrommychestandputitinherjar.Myheartishers,afterall.
Itslowlydawnedonmewherethesewordshadcomefrom:thebookI’dbeenreadingwhenWestonandIhadflownhomefromourtrip.
Ithadbeenadarkromanceaboutaserialkillerwhohadfalleninloveforthefirsttime.I’dswoonedwhenhe’dtoldherhisheartwashers.
ButhowhadWestonknown?
Awarmbreathtouchedmyearabeatbeforehespoke.“Ifthosecrazypeoplegetahappyending,weshouldtoo.”
Hepulledbackafterwhisperinginmyearandmovedtomyside,leaningovermetobringusfacetoface.
“Didyoureadmybook?”
Henodded.“Iwanttoknoweverythingthat’sgoingoninsideyourhead.Thatonewasdark,baby.”
“Idon’t—”Hecouldn’tbesweetandconsiderate.Itwastoolateforthat.Topulloutthebiggunsnow,whenwewerefinished,wasunfaironeverylevel.“Idon’tthinkyouwanttoknowwhat’sgoingoninsidemyheadrightnow,Weston.”
Murder.
Death.
Kill.
Heartbreak.
“Ido.Everyangry,beat-upthought,Iwantit.HowcanIfixitifIdon’tknowwhichpartstoaimfor?”
“Youdon’t.Pleasego.Ican’tdothishere.”
Ifhedidn’tstop,Iwouldcry,andonecryingjagatworkwasenoughfortheages.
“Okay.”Hisfingersgrazedmyhair.“Iloveyou,Elise.”
Ishudderedbutkeptmymouthclampedshut.
Hetappedthelidofthejar.“Myheartisyours,afterall.”
Thenhesaunteredawayasifhehadn’tjustgivenmeajartocontainhisheart.Asifhewasn’tcontinuingtowreckmeeverysingleday.
Imadeitthroughtheweek.Barely.Fridayrolledinlikealamb,gentlewithWeston’sconspicuousabsencefromthecollaborationtable.
Therewasanote,ofcourse.
TheysayPlatoinventedtheconceptofsoulmates.
Isayyourparentsinventedmine.
Forsomereason—areasonIwouldn’tletmyselfdwellon—Icouldn’tbringmyselftoripthatoneup.Ishoveditinmydrawer.Unfortunately,Icouldn’tshoveitoutofmymind.
Soulmate.
HethoughtIwashissoulmate.
HeknewIwasthegirlwhoreadromancenovelsforthehappyendingsandbelievedinthingslikesoulmatesandhappilyeverafters.Callingmehissoulmatewascruel.Adirecthittothethickwallsurroundingmyheart.
MilesstoppedbywhenIwasatmymostvulnerable.Insteadofperchingonmydesk,hepulledupachairandploppedrightbesideme.
“How’sitgoing,Lisie?”
“Yourbrotheristorturingme.Howareyou?”
Helaughedunderhisbreath.“Ifit’sanyconsolation,he’sbeenclimbingthewallsallweek.”
“Thatdoesn’tconsoleme.Idon’twantanyofthis.”
“Yeah,Igetit.”Heleanedhiselbowonmydesk.“Youwanttotalkaboutsomethingelse?”
Iturnedawayfrommymonitor.“Sure.Whatifyoutellmehowyou’redoing?Isyourhousereadytomoveintoyet?”
“Myhouseisamoneypit.Idon’tknowwhyIboughtit.I’mnotreallyahouseperson.Itjustseemedlikesomethinganupstandinggrown-upwoulddo.”
“Sosellit.”
Hisbrowdropped.“Thatdidn’tevensoundjudgy.”
“Itwasn’t.Obviously,I’mnoexpertinrealestate,butI’mastrongbelieverincuttingyourlosseswhenthingsaren’tworking.”
Hehuffed.“That’syouronepersonalityflaw.”
“What?”
“Cuttingandrunning.Youpeaceoutwhenthingsgosouthinsteadoffighting.It’sfunnybecauseIusedtothinkyouwerebraverthananyoneIknew.NowI’mrealizingyou’rejustasafraidastherestofus.”
Iswallowedbackthelumpinmythroat.Milesreallycouldaimrightformymosttenderparts,evenafteralltheseyears.Thistime,Iwasprettycertainhewasn’teventryingtohurtme.
“IneversaidIwasbrave.”Oh,great.Evenmyvoicebetrayedme,comingoutthickandraspy.
“Shit.”Hetookmyhandinhis.“I’msorry.Istillthinkyou’rerad,Lisie.I’mjustsayingit’sarelieftoknowyou’refallible.”
Ilethimholdmyhand,whichsaidalotaboutmyshakyemotionalstate.
“Whatyou’resayingisyouthinkI’mmessingupbyleavingWestoneventhoughheleftmefirst.”
Histhumbstrokedalongmyknuckles.“I’mnotsayinganyofthat.I’msurprisedyouwon’tspeaktohim.Thatseemslikefeartome,butwhatdoIknow?”
Ileanedclosertohimtowhisper.“Iamafraid,Miles.IfIcouldfindawaytoforgivehim,howcouldIpossiblytrusthewouldneverdothistomeagain?Sometimesactingonfearisagoodthing.Naturegaveusfeartoprotectourselvesfromdanger.”
“Youmakesoundpoints.There’salsosomethingtobesaidforconqueringyourfears.Wewouldn’thavefireifacouplecavemenhadn’tconqueredtheirfearofburningalive.Wouldyouratherbelivinginthedark,Lisie?Iwouldn’t.”
Ipulledback,givingmyselfsomespace.“Ithoughtweweresupposedtobetalkingaboutyou.”
Heliftedashoulder.“Can’tblamemethatmythoughtskeepcomingbacktomyfavoritecouple.”
Irolledmyeyes.“Let’stalkaboutwhyyouthinkyouneedtoownrealestateandconformtosomegrown-upmode.What’sthatabout?”
Thecornersofhismouthliftedintoasmirk.“Yougettopsychoanalyzemenow?”
Imimickedhisshrug.“What’sfairisfair.”
“No,Lisie,youdon’thavethetimeforallmyneuroses.Let’sleaveitatgrowingupwithaloserfatherandanoverachievingbrothershapedmeintoalazyyetambitiousamalgamationofaman.”
Atthequietchirpofmyemailnotification,Ireachedformymouseinanautomaticresponse,glancingawayfromMilestocheckifthemessagewassomethingIneededtodealwithurgently.Theaddressmadetheblooddrainfrommyface.
“Ohshit.Isthatyourex?”Milesleanedintome,hischestpressingagainstmyshoulder.“What’shewant?”
“Ihavenoidea.”
Thesubjectlinesaidmyexplanation.Apparently,Patrickwantedtoexplainhimself,andsinceI’dblockedhimeverywhereelse,he’dfoundmyworkemail.
“Clickonit.Let’sseewhattheidiothastosay.”
Ielbowedhim.“Goaway.”
Hetuggedonmyarm,spinningmetowardhim.“Hey,I’mkidding.”
IstaredatPatrick’snameonmyscreen.Thishadtobeajoke.I’dspenttheweekdodgingWeston,andnowmyotherexwasinvadingmyspace.Whendiditend?
“Iknow.”Icuppedmyforehead.“Idon’tunderstandwhyhesentthis.”
“Iguessyouwon’tknowuntilyoureadit.”
Islidmyeyestohim.Hewaswatchingmewarily.“Whatifthereasonhehurtmedoesn’tmatteranymore?”
“Doesn’tit?”
Mylipsweresodrylickingthemdidn’thelp.“Idon’tknow.”
Eventually,Milesleftmetomythoughts.Patrick’semailsatinmyinboxlikealandmine.IfIclickedit,itcouldendupbeinginert…oritcouldblowupinmyface.
Iforcedmyselftostopthinkingaboutitfortherestoftheday.Butasfiveo’clockdrewnear,Iendedupstaringatmyinboxagain,thistimewithresolve.
Squeezingmyeyesshut,Iclicked.ChapterThirty-nine
Weston
To:westonaldrich@andesinc.com
From:eliselevy@andesinc.com
Weston,
Ifyouhavetime,Iwouldliketotalk.Meetmeontheroofatsixtonight?Ifthatdoesn’twork,pleaseletmeknowwhenwill.
-Elise
Ihadalmostmissedit.I’dbeenintheprocessofpackingupforthedayandsomethinghadtoldmetocheckmyinboxonelasttime.
Thereitwas.
Elisewasgoingtogivemeanopportunitytospeaktoherafterstonewallingmeforoveraweek.NotthatIdidn’tunderstandwhyshe’ddoneit.Shehadeveryrighttolockherselfawayfromme.Thatdidn’tmeanIhadn’tbeenutterlybereftwithouther.
Imadeittoourbuilding’srooftopfifteenminutesearly.Shearrivedontime,andIrosefromthechairI’dtakenatthesametablewe’dsataroundonherbirthday.Hergazelandedsomewherearoundmyshoulder.Minerovedeverywhere,greedyforher.
She’dchangedintoaChicagoT-shirt,andIcouldn’thelpbutfeellikeitwasasubtlethreat.She’dmovedacrossthecountryoncebefore,shecoulddoitagain.Chanceswere,she’dpickedthefirstT-shirtavailableandIwasoverthinkingthings,butthiswaswhatI’dbecome.
Amadmanforher.
“Ibroughtyouabeer.”Igesturedtothesweatingbottleonthetable.“Ifyouwantit.”
“Sure.Thanks.”Sheslippedintoherchairattheendofthetable.Ireclaimedmychairtoherright.OurkneestouchedwhenIscootedin.Shemovedhersaway.
Herthumbnaildugintothelabelonherbottle.Iheldminebetweenbothmyhands,spinningitinslow,tightcircles.
Mypulseskitteredinerraticwavesfromthepanicandfearcoursingthroughme.
“Howareyou?”Iasked.
Shehuffedsoftly.“It’sbeenalongweek.”
“Longfewweeks.”
“Yes.”Sheglancedupfromherbeer,stillnotmakingeyecontact.“Andesis…goingtobeokay?”
Thereweredarksmudgesbeneathhereyes.Twinstotheonesbeneathmine.Shelookedbeautiful,stunningeven,butsad.Sodamnsad.I’ddonethattoher.I’dsuckedthesunshineoutofher,leavinghercoldanddim.
“Yes.Alotisstillhappeningbehindthescenes,buttheEPAinvestigationisbeingdropped,whichisamassiverelief.”Therewasalotmoretoitthanthat,butIwasn’tabouttowastethistimewithElisebytalkingaboutAndes.
“That’sreallygood.”Shetuckedherhairbehindherearandexhaled.“IgotanemailfromPatricktoday.”
Iwentstill.“Didyou?Whatdidhehavetosay?”
“Idon’tknow.Idecidednottoreadit.”
“Yeah?”
IhadnocluewhatIwassupposedtosayhere.MyfirstinstinctwastocallITandhavethemblockPatrickfromourservers.Mysecondwastobreakintoherinboxandreadwhatthatkhaki-wearingmotherfuckerdaredtosendtomygirl.
Iendedupdecidingtobequietandletherspeak.
“IwasthinkingaboutwhatMilessaidonmybirthdaywhenyouaskedhimwhyhe’dbulliedme.Hesaidsometimesthereisn’tagoodreasonforthebadshitpeopledoandwindupregretting.AndasIwasconsideringreadingPatrick’semail,IrealizedtherewasnoexplanationhecouldofferthatwouldmakemoresensetomethantheoneMilesgave.Idon’tneedanexplanationfromhim.Itwon’tmakeadifferencetohowIfeelaboutwhathedid.”
Thelabelonherbottlehadbeennearlypickedoff.Minewasalmostempty,bitternesscoatingmytongue.
BeforeElise,I’dneverthoughtofmyselfasajealousman.InowunderstooditwasbecauseI’dneverbeenwithawomanIbelongedtothewayIdidtoher.Iwashers,whichmeantshewasalsomine.Mymindwouldnotacceptanythingless.So,hearingaboutPatrick,andevenmybrother,wasnailsonachalkboard.
Thesethoughtswereirrational,andtheywereminetodealwith.Iwasinnopositiontocommandhertoscrubeverymanshe’devermetfromhermemory.Though,inaperfectworld,thatwaswhatI’ddo.
NoneofthethoughtsstreakingaroundmyskullwouldconvinceEliseIwasamanshecouldtakeanotherchanceon,eventhoughIwas.TheonethingIwasone-hundred-percentcertainofwas:IwouldalwayschooseElise.
Anditwashertimetospeakandminetolisten.
Shehadmoretosay.
Iangledforward,stealingafewinchesofthespaceshe’dputbetweenus.
Shesuckedinaraggedbreath.
“ButIneedanexplanationfromyou,Weston.Iwantyoutotellmehowyouwereabletopushmeaside.HowdidyoufeelwhenyouorderedRenatatobarmefromyourofficetwominutesafterI’dbeeninsideit?WhatwereyouthinkingwhenyouflewtoCaliforniawithouttellingmeyouweregoing?Didyouknowyouwereleavingmewhenyoucreptintomybedinthemiddleofthenightandfuckedme?IwantyoutoexplainthattomebecauseIdon’tunderstandhowyouwereabletodoanyofit.”
Theangryflushinhercheekswasvisibleintheloweveninglight.ItjabbedatmychestsohardIfoldedforward,bracingmypalmsonthetable.
Shewasgivingmethefloortoexplain,butIdidn’tknowwheretostart.HowcouldIpossiblygivereasonsforallthewaysI’dhurther?TherewasnodenyingIhaddonethosethings,andtherewasnoprettyingthemup.
“Inevermeanttoleaveyou,Elise.NotwhenIcametoyouthatnight,notever.”
Adivotcarvedbetweenherbrows.“Butyoudid.”
Iwantedtofightheronthat,butshewasright.Intentionalornot,Ihadlefther.
“Idid.Ipulledbackfromyou.Itwasn’tsomethingIdecidedtodo,butthatdoesn’tchangethefactthatIdidit.Beforeyou,I’veneverprioritizedanyoneaboveAndes,norhaveIwantedto.”
Ashudderrackedthroughherbody.“Believeme,Iknow.”
“Iknowyoudo,baby.Itkillsmethatyouknow.”Irubbedthespotbetweenmybrows,gatheringmythoughts.“Thatdayyoubroughtmelunch,thesecondIsawyou,allIwantedtodowasfallintoyou.I’dbeenholdingsteadybykeepingmydistance,butit’simpossibleformetothinkaboutanythingelsewhenyou’reinfrontofme.”
“Yetyousentmeaway.”
“Iwasholdingonbytheskinofmyteeth,Elise.Mycompanywascrumblingaroundme,andwhenyouwalkedintomyoffice,Ididn’tgiveashitaboutanythingbutyou.Thatcouldn’tbeanoptionformeatthattime.Ihadtogiveashit.ThatwaswhyIaskedRenatafornovisitors.NotbecauseIdidn’twanttoseeyou.ItwasbecauseseeingyouwasallIwanted.”
Sheslammedherbottledownonthetable.“Thenyoushouldhavesaidthat.Youshouldhavetoldmewhatyouwerefeeling.Ifyou’dsaid,‘Elise,Iloveyousomuchthatyoudrivemetodistractionwhenyou’rearound,soIhavetostayawayfromyouwhileIhandlethiscrisis,’Iwouldhavebeenpatient.Ifyou’dsaidanything,Iwouldhavesupportedyou.That’swhatyoudoinarelationship.Butnotyou.That’snotwhatyoudid.Youdroppedoutofmyworldwithoutasinglewarning.YouflewtoCaliforniawithher—”
“She’snothingtome.Idon’tknowhowtomakeyouunderstandthat.”Irakedmyfingersthroughmyhair,tampingdownthefrustrationinmyveins.
“HowdidyoufeelwhenyoufoundoutI’dlefttown?DidyouwonderifI’dgonetoPatrickeventhoughI’vetoldyouoverandovermyfeelingsforhimarelonggone?”
Myhanddroppedheavilytomyside.Hereyeswerefinallyonmine,shiningbutsteady.Thechallengewascrystalclear.Shehadme.
“IfeltlikeIwasbeingrippedapart.Noonewouldtellmewhereyouwere.Istilldon’tknow.”
Itwasonthetipofmytonguetoaskifshehadgonetohim,butIbittheurgeback.Shehadn’tgonetohim.Iknewthat.ButwhenitcametoElise,logicandreasonflewoutthewindow.
“ThenyoumighthaveaninklingofhowIfeltwhenI’dknockedonyourdooronlyforMilestoinformmeyou’dleftthestatewithoutawordtome.Hepitiedme,Weston.Yourbrotherfeltsorryformebecauseofhowpoorlyyoutreatedme.”
Anotherjab.Ideservedeveryone.BeforeI’dwalkedoutontothisroof,IhadknownI’droyallyblownit,butseeingmybeautifulgirllikethis,miserableinherrighteousanger,showedmethiswasfarworsethanI’dletmyselfacknowledge.
“I’msorry.”
“It’stoolate.”
“Iloveyou,Elise.Ifuckedup.Iknowthat.ItriedtofityouinaroundAndes,butIshouldhavebeenfittingAndesinaroundyou.”
HerheadjerkedbackwithwhatIcouldtellwassurpriseatmyblunthonesty
“That’sexactlywhatyoudid.Yourcompanyistheloveofyourlife.Icouldnevercompetewiththat,andIshouldn’thaveto.”
“That’sunequivocallyuntrue.You’retheloveofmylife.”
Sheturnedaway,theshakeofherheadtellingmeshedidn’tbelieveme.I’ddonenothingtomakeherbelieveme,sothatmadesense.
“WhenIwaseleven,mydadgotboredwithhislifeoffuckingaround,soheboughtoutaDenver-basedcampingsupplycompany.Itwasn’tahugebusiness,notonthescaleofAndes,buttheyemployedafewhundredpeople.Withinayear”—Isnappedmyfingers—“myfathergrewboredofbeinginchargeandhavingresponsibilities.Hebrokethecompanyapartandessentiallysolditforscraps.Allthosepeoplelosttheirjobsandadecentbusinessdisappearedalmostovernight.IwatcheditallasakidandpromisedmyselfI’dmakeupforit.I’dbuildsomethinghereandneverbeanythinglikemyfather.”
Hermouthhadflattenedintoahardline.Whenshefinallylookedatmeagain,herdarkeyesweremadeofstone.
“Idon’twanttohearaboutAndesanymore.”
“Elise—”
“ShouldItellyouaboutallthetimesmymotherletmedown?ShouldIbringupmydeadfather?Myfearofabandonment?Yourstoryaboutyourdadexplainsyourobsessionwithyourcompany,butmineexplainswhyIwillneverbeabletoallowmyselftobechosensecond.”
“You’llneverbechosensecondagain.”Ireachedforherhands,butsheyankedthemback,cradlingthemtoherchest,protectingherself.
Fromme.
“Iloveyou,Elise.IloveyoumorethanAndes.Ihavemissedyoulikeanamputatedlimb.Noneofthismakessensewithoutyou.”
“We’vehadthisconversationbefore,Weston.Youmademepromisesafterthegalathatyoubrokesoeasily.WhywouldIbelieveanythinghaschanged?”
Ifeltit.TheephemeralholdIhadonherwasslippingaway.AllthehopeI’dbeenpinningonthisoneconversationwashanginginmockingtatters.ButI’dbeenstupidtothinkaconversationwouldfixweeksofneglectandunfulfilledpromises.
“BecauseIlostyou.”Staggeringtomyfeet,Ibackedawayfromthetable,noideawhereIwasgoing.IfIsatstillforanothersecond,I’dexplode.“Ilostyou,andIcan’tbreathe.I’venevercaredattheend.Notonce.ButIknowI’llfollowyoutotheendsoftheearth.There’snooneelseforme.”
Heronlyreactionwastostareatme,slowlyblinking,pickingatthelastscrapsoflabelonherfullbeerbottle.Withherchintipped,thehangingtwinklinglightsglintedoffherface.Thesorrowpullingatthecornersofhermouthandtherednessoutlininghereyesshatteredme.Furyaimedatmyself,atmyactions,ignitedatthebaseofmyspine.MybottleexplodedonthegroundbeforeIevenrealizedI’dthrownit.
Elisejumped,whimperingwithfear.Thenshewasonherfeet,trippingbackwardtogetawayfromme.
“Tellmeyou’vestoppedlovingme,”Ipleaded,followingherfootstepforfootstep.
Sheshookherhead.“Don’t.”
“Iknowyouloveme.Youwouldn’thaveaskedmetomeetyouifyoudidn’t.”
“Itdoesn’tmatter.Ican’tloveyou.
“Itdoesmatter.That’sallthatmatters.”
Ihadclosedthedistancebetweenusinasecond,windingmyarmsaroundherinabreath.Cradlingherheadinmypalm,Iburiedmynoseinherhairandbreathedforthefirsttimeinweeks.Shemewledbutdidn’tpushmeaway.Shewaslimpinmyarms,lettingmeholdher,butmakingnomovetoholdmeback.
Iwaslosingagain,andIhadnoideahowtostopitfromhappening.
“Iloveyou.”Ikissedhersilkyhair.“Iloveyouthemost.”
“Stopit,”shewhispered.
“Iknowyoudon’twantmetotalkaboutAndesanymore”—shestiffenedwhenIsaidit.God,howI’dmessedup—“buttherearestepsI’vetakenthisweektoensurenothinglikethiswilleverhappenagain.Concrete,measurablechanges.Ifyoudon’twanttohearthemnow,I’llemailyouwhatI’vedoneandyoucanreaditwhenyou’reready.”
“Idon’tthinkI’lleverbeready.”
“ThenI’llbewaitingforever.”Mylipslingeredathertemple.“Iloveyou,baby.Youaremydestination.It’swhyIcametoyouinthemiddleofthenightandwhyI’llkeepcomingback,evenifyoupushmeaway.”
Finally,herarmsmoved.Shegraspedmyshirt,hernailsclawingmybackassheclungtome.Iheldhertighter,hersoftbodysinkingintome.
“Idon’tknowifIcanbelieveyou,Weston.”
Inoddedagainstherhair.“Iknow.ButI’mgoingtokeepcominguntilyoudo.”
“Youshouldletmego.”
“Ican’t.”
Sheallowedmetoholdherasshetrembled.TherewasachancethiswouldbethelasttimeIgottodothis.Webothknewit,butneitherofusspokeit.
“IfIcouldgobacktothatnight,Iwouldhavetoldyoueverything,”Imurmured.“Iwouldhaveletyouin.”
“Iwishyouhad.”
Thesunwasalmostbeyondthehorizonwhenshesteppedoutofmyarmsandgotontheelevatoralone.Istayedontherooftowatchthestainsoforangeandpinkfadetoblack.
ThenIwentbacktothepenthouseandintomyoffice.IhadanemailtowriteandtheloveofmylifetoconvinceIwasworthonemorechance.ChapterForty
Elise
LucaandElliotwerealreadyatthetablewhenIarrivedforbrunch.Lucasmackedabigkissonmycheek,andElliothuggedmetighterthanusual.
I’dkeptmydistancefromhim,whichhadn’tbeeneasy.Ifhehadseenmeatmydarkest,hewouldhavelostit.Elliotdidn’tcareaboutmanypeople,andIhadalwaysknownforafactIwashisnumberone.HehadmovedheavenandearthtogetmeawayfromPatrickwithoutaskingasinglequestion.IwasafraidofwhathewouldhavedonehadheknownallthewaysWestonhadrejectedandhurtme,soI’dchosentoonlytellhimwe’dbrokenupduetohisworkcommitments.
WhenElliotpulledawayandcuppedmyface,therewasevidentstrainaroundhissearchingeyes.
“Howareyou?”heasked.
“I’mokay.”
Astretchofthetruth,butifItoldhimI’dneverbeensobrokenheartedandfeltlikesleepingforthenextdecade,hewouldhavebeen…angry.Notatmebutatthesourceofmydespair.ThelastthingIwantedwastodriveanevenbiggerwedgebetweenmybrotherandWeston.
Theemptyfourthchairatthetablewasevidenceenoughofhowdrasticallythingshadchanged.
“Iorderedyouacoffee,bella.”Lucanoddedtothesteamingcupinfrontofme.
“Blessyou.”Ipickeditupinbothhands,sippingthesmoothbutstrongdrink.
“Ithoughtyouwerebringingyourroommate,”Lucaadded.
Isetmycupdown,asmallsmiletwitchingonmylips.“She’simpossibletopindown.Today,she’shelpingafriendshemetinpotteryclasspaintthewallsoftheirnewbusiness.”
Elliotgrunted.“Howmanyfriendsdoesshehave?”
Ilaughed.ElliothadneverunderstoodSaoirse.“Everyoneshemeetsisanewfriend.I’mheronlybestfriend,though.”
IfIhadexplicitlytoldherIwantedhertobeheretoday,shewouldhaveditchedhernewpotteryfriendinaheartbeat.Ineverdoubtedthemeaningofmybestfriendtitle.
Weorderedourfood,andthetopicmovedontoElliot’smostrecenttriptoSingapore.He’dboughtmealariat-stylenecklacewithagoldenorchidhangingfromit.Itwasanupgradefromhisusualgifts,butIsupposedhe’dfeltsorryformeanditwashiswayofcheeringmeup.Thenecklacewasbeautiful,andIputitonrightaway,butitdidnothingtofillthehollownessinmychest.
Lucafoldedhishandsonthetable.“ElliotandIreceivedanemailfromWestonthismorning.”
Elliotjerked.“Wedon’thavetotalkaboutthis.”
“Whatdiditsay?”Iasked.
Elliotpattedmyarm.“Itdoesn’tmatter.”
“Itdoes.Iwanttoknowwhatitsaid.”
BecausetherewasanunreademailfromWestoninmyinboxtoo.Ithadarrivedlastnight,afewhoursafterIlefttherooftop.Ihadn’tbeenabletobringmyselftoreadit.
Luca’sgazedashedfromElliottome.“Helaidoutthechangeshe’smakingwithinAndesexecutivemanagement.It’sprettyextensive.They’readdinganewoversightbranchthatwillreporttotheCOO,notWeston.”
Elliotfoldedhisarms.“It’sabouttime.He’srunthatcompanythesamewaysincethebeginning,whenitwasjusthimandRenata.Hedealswiththeminutiaeasifhe’snottheCEO.”
“Whydidhesendthattoyouguys?”Iglancedbetweenthem.
“Hewantedouropiniononhisplan,”Elliotanswered.
Luca’smouthhitched.“Heaskedifwethoughtitwouldbeenough.”
Mybrowsrose.“Enough?”
Luca’shalfsmilegrewintoafull-blownsmirk.“Toconvinceyouitwon’tbethesamethistime.”
“Isitenough?”
Lucaansweredfirst.“It’sgood.IneverthoughtI’dseethedayWestonwaswillingtogiveupsomecontroloverAndes.”
Elliotpickeduphiscoffee.“Itmakessenseifyouthinkaboutit.Westonwasn’tabletoseethebigpicturebecausehewasboggeddownbythedetails.Hemissedthingsheshouldn’thave.That’swhatledhimhere.Itputhiscompanyinjeopardy,whichhewon’twanttorepeat.”
Lucaslappedhisarm.“Hewouldhavekeptdoingthesamething.Youknowwhyhe’srestructuring.Don’tpretendyoudon’t.”
Elliotbroughthiscuptohismouth.“I’llbelievethatwhenIseeit.”
“Haveyouspokentohim?”Iasked.
“No,andIwon’t.”Hesethiscupdownandflickedlintoffhissleeve.
“Youwon’t?”
Elliotleveledmewithasteady,bluntgaze.“No.HeknewwhenhechosetobewithmysisterIwouldpickasideifitfellapart,anditwouldn’tbehis.Adiscussionwon’tsolveanything.Iwouldbesurprisedifheexpectstohaveone.”
Elliotneverpulledpunches,andIfeltthisonemorethananyotherhe’dlobbedatme.WestonandIhadbeensocareless,fallinginloveanddamningtheconsequences.Andnow,hereIwas,staringtheconsequencesintheeye.
Alifetimeoffriendshipcouldbethrownaway.
“AndifIforgivehim?”Ipressed.
“Ifhedoessomethingtoprovetoyouhe’sworthforgiving,we’llberight.”Heangledforwardsuddenly.“Iseeyourgearsturning.Youcan’tbeinarelationshipwithhimformysake.Thatwillneverwork.”
“Obviously.Ijustwantedtoknowwhereyourheadis.”
Lucachuckled.“Elliotwouldneveradmitit,buthe’sbeenoff-kilterthepastweek.Heactuallywalkedoutofthegymlockerroomdressedforworkinablacksuitwithbrownshoes.”
Iwinced.“Elliotwouldnever.”
Luca’sheadbobbed.“Hedid.”
Elliotturned,thehingeofhisjawjumpingandticcing.“IneversaidIwashappywiththecurrentcircumstances.”
Lucamouthed,“Off-kilter.”
Thetopicmovedontosaferpastureswhilemygearskeptturning.Truthfully,theyhadn’tstoppedsincetheroof.Thewayhe’dlookedatme,owninguptoeverythinghe’ddonewrong,holdingmelikehecouldn’tstandanothersecondapart,theemailwaitinginmyinbox…
Itwasn’tonlylastnight,though.Allweek,he’dbeenrelentlesslypresent,whichIwascertainhadn’tbeeneasyforhimconsideringeverythinggoingon.
Ourwaiterdroppedourfoodoff.I’dskippedbreakfastandorderedachickensaladsandwich.Iwentforthepicklefirst,andLucachuckled.
Iraisedabrow.
Hewinkedandwatchedme,amused.
“What’ssofunny?”
“Youandyourpickles.”
Elliotalmostsmiled.“She’sbeenamaniacforthemsinceshewaslittle.OurdadusedtosacrificehispicklestoEliseeverytimewewentsomewhereandonewasonhisplate.”
Lucatappedhischin.“I’dwonderedwhyI’dcaughtWestonslidingyouhispicklewhenwehadlunchlastmonth.”
Ishrugged.“Healwayshas.Hedoesn’tlikethem.”
Lucachuffed,andElliotstaredatme,unblinkingfromacrossthetable.
“What?”
“El.”Elliotshookhishead.“HewatchedDaddoit,andwhenDadwasgone,Westontookhisplace.That’swhyhealwaysgivesyouhispickle.”
“I—”Ilookedbackandforthbetweenthem.Elliothadstartedeatingasthoughhehadn’tdroppedagiganticbombonme.Lucawasstillwatchingme,somethingsoftandsympatheticplayingonhisfeatures.“Ididn’tknow.”
Lucareachedoverandsqueezedmyforearm.“Hewouldn’thavewantedyoutoknow.”
Becausehehadalwayslovedme.
Notinthesamewayhedidnow,butWeston’sloveformehadbeenapresenceinmylifeforaslongasIcouldremember.Throughmystone-coldbitchphaseandhisplethorathroughlivinginChicago.Evennow,Ididn’tdoubthestilllovedme.
Brunchwentonforaninterminablylongtime.I’dbeenlookingforwardtobeingwithElliotandLuca,butnow,allIwantedtodowasleavesoIcouldrollwhatI’djustlearnedaroundinmymind.
Andreadtheemail.
WhenIwasfinallyheadedhomeinthebackofmyUber,Itookoutmyphone,scanningoverWeston’splansforAndes.Frommycursory,untrainedglance,Westonwasn’tplayingaround.
Atthebottom,he’dwrittenmeanotherquotefrommybook.
“Lyinginapoolofblood—myown,foronce—it’sherfaceIsee.I’mnotsoluckythatshewouldactuallybehere.Ahallucinationisallamanlikemecanaskfor.Ireachforher.HerfingersaresolidwhenIexpectedephemeral.
“Areyoureal?”
Sheweavesourfingerstogether.“Asrealasyouare.”
“I’mdying.”
“Ifyou’redying,soamI.Irefusetoletyougo.”
“You’retheonlyreasonIwouldstay.”
“Ishouldbedeadalready,butI’mnothingbutaservantathercommand.Ifshetellsmetostay,Iwill.Ifsheasksmetobeabetterman,I’llturnmyselfinsideouttodoit.There’snothingIwouldnotteartheworldandmyselfaparttogiveher.Allshehastodoisask.”
Thoseweren’tWeston’swords,butIwantedtobelievehemeantthem.
AssoonastheUberstoppedinfrontofmybuilding,Ibolted,runningfortheelevator.Ihadtoseehim,eventhoughIwasn’tquitesurewhatIwouldsay.
Athisdoor,IshovedmykeyinthelockwithoutconsideringwhetherIshould.Beforewefellapart,I’dalwaysletmyselfinsidewithoutknocking.
“Weston?”Icalled.
Therewereplatesonthediningroomtable.Iwrinkledmynoseattheleftoverfood.Itwasn’tverylikeWestontoleavehistableamess,butthen,Ihadn’tbeenmyselflatelyeither.
Hewasn’tinthelivingroom.Istartedtowardthehallwaywherethebedroomswereandheardnoises.TheTV?Itdidn’tsoundlikeit.
TwomorestepsdownthehallwayclearedupwhatIwashearing.
Animalisticmoaning.
Gutturalgrunting.
“Harder.Please,more.”
“Yeah,baby.That’sright.”
Blooddrainedfrommyface.Myhopespooledatmyfeet.
Ohgod.He’dmovedon.Aftereverythinghe’dsaidaboutwaitingforever,hehadn’tevenwaitedtwenty-fourhours
Istumbledbackward,somehowmanagingtosteermyselftowardthedoor.
Wewereover.
Really,trulyover.ChapterForty-one
Elise
Almostblindfromthetearsspillinginheavywaterfallsdownmycheeks,Itoreopenthedoor…andransmackintothemanstandingontheotherside,hiskeypoisedinhishand.
“Elise?”Westoncaughtmyarms,holdingmesteady.“Whatareyoudoinghere?Areyoucrying?”
Isuckedinabreath,notquiteunderstandingwhatIwasseeing.“Howareyouhere?”
“I’mcominghomefromtheoffice.”Hispalmsslidupmyarmstocupmyface.“Whyareyoucrying,baby?What’swrong?”
Itriedtoexplain.“Iheard…Ithought…”Iswallowedhard.Mystomachwasamessofpanicmixedwithutterrelief.“Ithoughtyouwerewithsomeoneelse.”
Hisheadjerked.Astonishmentfloodedhisfeaturesasifthesuggestionwaspreposterous.“Whywouldyouthinkthat?”
“Iheard…”Iwavedmyarmtowardthebedrooms.“Iheardfucking.”
Weston’sgazesnappedinthedirectionI’dgesturedto.“Miles,”hehissed.“Stayhere.”
Hestalkedoff,disappearingdownthehallway.TherewasaloudslamfollowedbyWestonbellowingMiles’sname.Thenheyelledsomethingaboutburningthesheets.
Hereturnedtome,red-facedandinahurry.“Comeon.Ishuthisdoor,soyouwon’thavetoseethehorrorIjustdid.”
Hishandclosedaroundmine,andhepulledmetohisbedroom,closingthedooroncewewereinside.
“Iwasgoneforthreehours.”Hepressedonthedoor.Hisheaddropped.“Threehours,andhefoundsomeonetofuck.Jesus.CanIkickhimoutyet?”
Alittlesnortescapedme.Icouldn’thelpit.WestonlookedsodisgustedIcouldonlyimaginehesawMiles’spastyasspumpingaway.
Hisheadshotup.“Isthisfunnytoyou?It’syourfaulthe’shere.”
Isputteredanotherlaugh,andWeston’sshouldersfell,thetensioninhimbleedingaway.Thecornerofhismouthhitched.
Heclosedthespacebetweenusandsnaggedmearoundthewaist,tuggingmeagainsthim.“You’rehere.”
Myhandsflattenedonhischest.“I’mhere.”Thenawaveofmadnesscameoverme,soIpushedhim.Likethestubbornbrickwallhewas,hedidn’tbudge.“Whydidyounevertellmeyoulikepickles?Howcouldyouhavegivenmeallyourpickleswhenyoulikethem?Whywouldyoudothat?”
I’dbeenlaughingamomentago,butnowIwascryingagain.Westonhadtobeconfusedbymywildoutburst,buthegatheredmeinhisarmswithoutquestionandheldmethroughit.
“Baby.”Hislipswereatmytemple,fingersstrokingmyhairandback.“Whotoldyouthat?”
“Luca.AndElliottoldmeyoustartedgivingmeyourpickleswhenDaddied.”
Warmbreathfannedacrossmyskinasheexhaled.“That’strue.I’dgiveyouanything,youknow.Picklesarenobigdeal.”
“Itisabigdeal.Whyshouldyougowithoutsomethingwhenyoulikeit?Iwouldneverknowinglytakesomethingyoulikeawayfromyou.Never.”
Hepulledback,andthelookhegavemewasdevastating.“Youtookyouawayfromme,andImorethanlikeyou.”
“Ididn’twanttogo.”
Henodded,slowandheavy.“Iknow,baby.Butyou’reherenow.”
“Itwasthepicklesthatdidit.”
Hisheadcocked.“Notthehoursandhoursofplanningthatwentintorestructuringmyexecutiveteam?”
Mylipstwitched.“Thatwasalittlebitofit.”
“Areyou…?”Heheldmyface,strokingmychinandbottomlipwithhisthumbs.“Areyoucomingback?”
Ikissedhisthumb,andhewentstill.“Youlightmeonfire,Weston.”
Hisbrowpinched.“Iwantthattobeagoodthing,butI’mnotsureitis.”
“Youscareme.That’sthetruth.Butyourbrothersaidafewthingstomeyesterday,andIcan’treallystopthinkingaboutthem.”
“I’mnotsureIwanttohearanythingMileshadtosay.”
“Well,it’spartofwhyI’mhere,so…”
“Ah,damn.”Hescowledatthedoor.“WillIhavetothankhimafterthis?”
Despiteeverything,Weston’sinnategrumpinessstillmademelaugh.“Idon’tknow.Maybe.”
“Comehere.”Hepulledmeovertohisbed,sittingontheendofit,andtuggedmedownnexttohim.“Tellme,baby.”
Weston’seyeswerepinchedandtired,buthopewasdawningbehindthem.Thescruffonhisjawwasthickerthanusual,andhishairwaswildlikehe’dbeenyankingatitallday.
Myheartstringswerebeingpluckedhard,andtheurgetoskipthisconversationsoIcouldleanintohimandtellhimeverythingwouldbeokaywasalmostoverwhelming.Butnottalkinghadgottenushere,andIneverwantedtobehereagain.
“Milessaidifacouplebravecavemenhadn’tconqueredtheirfearofburningalive,we’dstillbeinthedark.Idon’twanttobeinthedark,Weston.So,Ihavetogetoverbeingafraidofthewayyoulightmeonfire,becauseIwantthelight,andIwantyou.”Heopenedhismouthtospeak,butIpressedtwofingerstohislips.“Butthisisit,youknow?Thishastobeit.Don’ttakemebackifyoucan’tliveuptoyourendofthedeal.”
“I’llliveuptoit,”heswore,kissingmyfingertipsbeforetakingmyhandinhis.“Plansareinmotion.Changedoesn’thappenovernight,notforacompanythesizeofAndes,butit’shappening.Itshouldhavehappenedalongtimeago,butIneverhadareason.Workwasmylife.”
“Impossibletocompetewith.”
“There’snocompetition,Elise.Mylifenowrevolvesaroundyouandwhatwe’regoingtobuildtogether.Forawhile,Ilostsightofmygoal.Alongtimeago,Ivowedtobenothinglikemyfather.Tobebetterthanhim.ThatpushedmetobuildAndesandwatchitflourish.ButIdon’tonlywanttobebetteratbusiness.Iwanttobeabettermanthanhim,totakecareofmyfamilyandputthemfirst.You’remyfamily.You’llalwayscomefirst.”
“Weston—”Thisman,heknewexactlyhowtoloveme.
Hetookmychinbetweenhisfingers,tippingmyfacetohis.“Idon’twanttolivethroughthelastfewweeksagain.”
“ItwouldkillmeifIhadto,”Itoldhim.
Thelookhegavemewasfilledwithpromiseanddetermination.“Iwon’tletthathappen.Ineverwanttoliveanothersecondwhereyou’renotmine.”
“I’myours.”HadIevernotbeenhisinoneformoranother?
“Webelongtoeachother,andIwilldoeverythinginmypowertowatchusflourish.”
“Iwilltoo.”
Hisexhalehitmylipsmomentsbeforehismouthdid.Softandsure,wemeldedintoakissthatfeltlikeithadbeendecadescoming.Hisfingerswereinmyhair,andIgraspedhisshirt.Wedidnothingmorethankissandkiss,somuchreliefpouringbetweenus.Beingaparthadbeenasunnaturalasbreathingunderwater.
Thiswasright.
Westonclose,lovingmelikeforever,melovinghimrightback.
Hisforeheadrolledagainstmine.Ourlipsseparatedbyabreath.
“Iloveyou,”Itoldhim.
“Neveroncedoubtedit,baby.Iloveyouthemost,youknow.”
Iclosedmyeyes,acceptingthattobetrue.
Sparksflewwhenwekissedagain,ignitingus,butIwasn’tafraidofthisfire.
Notanymore.Ididn’thavetobe.
Afterall,thiswasWestonEpilogue
WestonOneYearLater
“Youneedanewjar.Thisoneisgettingfull.”
Elisecameupbehindme,whereI’dbeenstudyingtheoddsandendsshe’dartfullyplacedontheshelfinherhomeoffice.Herarmswoundaroundmymiddle,andhercheekpressedagainstmyback.
“Youwritemealotofnotes.Itwasboundtogetfull.”
Irubbedmyhandonhers.“Isthatacomplaint?”
“Never.Ifyoustopwritingmenotes,I’llcomplain.”
Looseningherarms,Iturnedaroundtofaceher.“Idon’tforeseethathappening.”
“Betternot.”
Shetippedherheadback,givingmehermouth.Ipressedminetohers,groaningatthefeelofherlushlips.Overayearofkissingher,monthsoflivingtogetherandseeingeachotheronadailybasis,andIhadn’tgottenusedtohavingher.
Timewasticking.Wehadtobeontheroadsoon.“Areyouallpacked?”
Shesnuggledincloser,hercheekonmyshoulder.“Mmm…yes.You?”
Idraggedmynosethroughhersilkyhair.“Iam.Whatarethechancesmybrotherisready?”
Elisesputteredalaugh.“Slimtonone.”
Ayearofherbeingmine,andshehadn’tgottentiredofme.Itwasastounding,really.Beingmypartnercamewithbaggage.Thebigjob,thetendencytowardgrumpiness,thewaywardbrother.
Acrashsoundedfromthelivingroom,followedbyMilesyellinghewasokay.
Fuckmeandmywaywardbrother.He’dmovedoutmonthsago,buthealwaysmanagedtofindanexcusetowormhiswaybackin,andImusthavelostmymindbecauseIlethim.
“ShouldIgocheckonhim?”Eliseasked.
Myarmtightened.“No.Stay.We’respendingtheweekendwithhim.That’senough.”
Ifelthersmile.“Youinvitedhim.Thiswasyouridea.”
“Yeah,”Ibreathedout.“SometimesImakemistakes,thisbeingoneofthem.Hecaughtmeinamomentofweakness.Mademenostalgicforourchildhoodcampingtrips.”
“Fortunately,thiscampingtripcomesequippedwithalcoholandedibles.”Shewingedhereyebrow.Ikissedit.
“You’recute,butI’mnotconvinced.DidItellyouaboutthetimeMilestrippedonLSD—”
“Andyouhadtocarryhimbacktothecar?Yes,onceortwice.”
“Youknowallmystories.”
Sheshookherhead.“ThenIguesswe’llhavetokeepmakingnewones.”
Breakingawayfromme,shemovedtoherdressertorummagethroughoneofherdrawers.Isatdownonthecornerofourbedtowatch.
Weweregettingreadytogoonatwo-nightcampingtripwithMiles,Luca,Saoirse,andElliot.IthadbeenEliseandSaoirse’sidea.Theyhadspentthelastfewweeksplanningactivitiesforus.
Ihadaplanofmyown.
Itwassupposedtohappenatsunrisetomorrow.EliseandIwouldgetupandwalkdowntothecreeknearourcampground.We’dbealone.Maybeit’dbechillyandshe’dsnuggleintome.I’dgetdownonmykneeandaskhertobemywife.
Herringwasburningaholeinthefrontpocketofmybackpack.
Elisespunaround,holdingapairoffuzzysocksandhere-reader.
“Ialmostforgotthis.Iwouldhavekickedmyself.”
Ismiledather,mylittlereader.“You’replanningonreadingallweekendandnotgivingmeanyattention?”
Shewalkedovertome,tossedherthingsdownonthebed,andbracedherselfonmyshoulders.Likeitwasmagnetized,myhandswenttoherass,tuckingintoherbackpockets.
Shebentdowntokissme.“AsifIcouldignoreyou.”
“Comehere.I’mneedy,”Igrowledagainsthermouth.
“Weston…wehavetogo.”Evenassheprotested,sheloweredtoherknees,straddlingmylap.“I’mhere.”
“Yeah,youare.”Wrappingmyfingersaroundherwrist,Ibroughttheundersidetomylipsandkissedthetattooshe’dgottenafewmonthsago.Thefine-linedrawingoftheheadofamountainlionthatlookedlikeaheartatfirstglancehadbeenasurprisetome.ItwasElise’scommemorationofthebeginningofus.CatchingaglimpseofitneverfailedtomakemefeellikeIhadescapedgravity.
Ikissedherwristagainthennoddedtohere-reader.“What’shappeninginthebook?”
Shedugherteethintoherbottomlip.“Theheroineisfallingforthevillain.He’shorrible.”
Afterayeartogether,Iknewallaboutherbooks.Ihadn’treadawholeonesincethatfirsttime,butI’dpeekinsidethemtoseewhatgotElise’smotorrunning.
“Didhekidnapher?”
Shesnorted.“Yeah.Andhemurderedherboyfriend.”
Ipushedherhairawayfromherface.“Ah,romantic.”
“Right?Theboyfriendmurderedthehero’swholefamily,sohehaditcoming.”
“Ohyeah,thatmakessense.”
Sheswattedatme.“Don’tmakefun.”
“Iwouldnever,baby.”Ikneadedherassandtouchedmylipstoherthroat.“YouknowhowmuchIloveyou?”
“HalfasmuchasIloveyou.”
Icockedmyhead.“You’remistaken,Ms.Levy.Iloveyouthemost.Youmakemefeelcrazysometimes.Iwanttostalkyou,killeveryonewholooksatyou,chainyoutome.”
Hersmilewasslowanddevious.“So,whatyou’resayingisyou’readarkromancehero?”
“I’msayingI’myours.Willyoubemineforever?”
Herlashesfluttered,brushinghercheeks.“Mmmhmm.”
Ipulledmyheadbackfromhers,andtheplansI’dmadeforhowIwasgoingtodothisslippedaway.Ididn’twanttowaitasecondlonger.
“Elise.”
“Yes?”
“Willyoumarryme?”
Herlidspoppedopenwide.“What?”
“Ihavearing.It’sinmybackpack.I’llgiveittoyouwhenyousayyou’llmarryme.”
Hermouthfellopen.“What?”
“Yousaidthat.”
“Areyouaskingmetomarryyou?”
“Whyareyousoshocked?Iloveyou.I’mnevergoingtostoplovingyou.Iwantyoutobemywife.”Mybrowdropped.“Youhaven’tsaidyes.”
“I’mjustreallysurprised,Weston.We’regoingcamping!”
FedupwithnotgettingtheanswerIwanted,Iflungheroffmeandontoherback,wedgingmyhipsbetweenherspreadthighs.Shesmiledupatme.
“Sayyes,”Iordered.
Adelightedlaughburstoutofher.“Yes.Obviouslyyes!Ican’twaittomarryyou,West.Iloveyousomuch.”
Closingmyeyes,Iloweredmyforeheadtohers.“Thankgod.Youhadmeworriedforasecond.Thiswasn’thowIwantedtodoit.Therewasgoingtobeasunrise,awalk—”
“Thiswasperfect.”Herarmswoundaroundmyshoulders.“Ilovethatyoucouldn’twait.”
“You’regoingtobemywife.”
“You’regoingtobemyhusband.”
“Soon.”
“Soon,”sheagreed.
Myeyesopened,findingherslockedonmine.“Areyouhappy,baby?”
“ThehappiestI’veeverbeen.”
EvenwithmybrotherbumblingaroundinthelivingroomandthetwoupcomingdaysofnexttonoprivacywithElise’sbrothersleepinginthenexttent,I’dneverinmylifebeenthisutterly,whollycontent.Ihadthefriends,thefamily,thesuccess,andmostimportantly,thegirlofmydreams.
Maybehappyendingsweren’tsounbelievable.
NSFW
Wouldyouliketoseethattwoa.m.sceneinWeston’soffice?WhenheproppedEliseonhisdeskand…well,youknow.
SubscribetomynewsletterandreceiveaveryspicydrawingofWestonandEliseusinghisdeskexactlythewayitshouldalwaysbeused.
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Ihavebeenchompingatthebittowriteanofficeromanceforyears,butIhaveaconfessiontomake:I’veneverworkedinanoffice.Notonce.Myfirstcareerwasahairstylist,thenIbecameastayathomemom,andnowI’mhere,writingbooksforyou.Luckily,myhusbandhasworkedfromhomesince2020,soI’vebeenabletoobserveanofficejobliveandinperson.
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Tomyreaders,thankyouforcomingonthisridewithme.Fromrockstarstobulliesandnowtobillionaires,youguysarehereforitandIamhereforyou.AboutJulia
JuliaWolfisabestsellingcontemporaryromanceauthor.Shewritesbadboyswithbigheartsandstrong,independentheroines.Juliaenjoysreadingromancejustasmuchassheloveswritingit.Whetherreadingorwriting,shelikestheemotionstorunhighandtheheattobescorching.
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