Dial a for Aunties

PRAISEFOR
DialAforAunties
“Ahilarious,heartfeltrompofanovelabout—whatelse?—accidentalmurderandthebondoffamily.Thisbookhadmelaughingaloudwithinitsfirstfivepagesandkeptmebouncingbetweenanxietyanddelightuntilitsverylast.Utterlyclever,deeplyfunny,andaltogethercharming,thisbookissuretobeoneofthebestoftheyear!”
—EmilyHenry,NewYorkTimesbestsellingauthorofBeachRead
“Ilovedit.Whipsmart,original,andsofunny.IfounditimpossibletoputdownandlostcountofthenumberoftimesIlaughedoutloud.”
—BethO’Leary,SundayTimesbestsellingauthorofTheSwitch
“Wraparom-comwithacrimenovel,sprinkleinWeekendatBernie’s,andyougetthisdeliciouslyfun,bigheartedbook….Ifyouloverom-coms(thisisperfectforadaptation),donotmissthis2021gemofarelease.”
—BookRiot
“ThebestpartsareSutanto’sportrayalofthebantering,interferingaunties(“‘HowcouldyousetMeddyupwithsuchadouchebag?’FourthAuntsnapsatMa.”),whoexcelatwreakinghavoc.There’splentyoflightentertainmenthere.”
—PublishersWeeklyBERKLEY
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Copyright?2021byPTKaryaHippoMakmur
ExcerptbyJesseQ.Sutantocopyright?2021byPTKaryaHippoMakmur
“Readersguide”byJesseQ.Sutantocopyright?2021byPTKaryaHippoMakmur
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BerkleytradepaperbackISBN:9780593333037
TheLibraryofCongresshascatalogedthehardcovereditionasfollows:
Names:Sutanto,JesseQ.,author.
Title:DialAforAunties/JesseQ.Sutanto.
Description:NewYork:Berkley,[2021]
Identifiers:LCCN2020050425(print)|LCCN2020050426(ebook)|ISBN9780593336731(hardcover)|ISBN9780593333044(ebook)
Subjects:GSAFD:Lovestories.|Humorousfiction.
Classification:LCCPR9500.9.S88D532021(print)|LCCPR9500.9.S88(ebook)|DDC823/.92—dc23
LCrecordavailableathttps://lccn.loc.gov/2020050425
LCebookrecordavailableathttps://lccn.loc.gov/2020050426
Berkleyhardcoveredition/April2021
Berkleytradepaperbackedition/April2021
CoverdesignandartbyVikkiChu
Thisisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,places,andincidentseitheraretheproductoftheauthor’simaginationorareusedfictitiously,andanyresemblancetoactualpersons,livingordead,businessestablishments,events,orlocalesisentirelycoincidental.
pid_prh_5.7.0_c0_r0ForMamaandPapa,whowoulddefinitelyhelpmemoveadeadbody.Contents
Cover
PraiseforDialAforAunties
TitlePage
Copyright
Dedication
Author’sNote
Prologue
Part1:GirlMeetsBoy
Chapter1
Chapter2
Chapter3
Chapter4
Chapter5
Chapter6
Chapter7
Chapter8
Chapter9
Chapter10
Chapter11
Part2:GirlFindsBoy
Chapter12
Chapter13
Chapter14
Chapter15
Chapter16
Chapter17
Chapter18
Chapter19
Chapter20
Chapter21
Chapter22
Chapter23
Chapter24
Chapter25
Part3:GirlGetsBoy
Chapter26
Chapter27
Chapter28
Chapter29
Chapter30
Chapter31
Chapter32
Chapter33
Chapter34
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
ReadersGuide
Excerpt
AbouttheAuthorDearReader,
ThankyousomuchforpickingupDialAforAunties.Thisbookisalovelettertomyfamily—aridiculouslylargebunchwithalonghistoryofimmigration.AllfourofmygrandparentscamefromChinatoIndonesiabetween1920and1930,andwhentheyarrivedinIndonesia,theychangedtheirChinesenamestoIndonesianonestoavoidxenophobia.ChenbecameSutanto.HobecameWijaya.AstheyfullyintegratedthemselvesintoIndonesianculture,sotoodidtheiroffspring.MyparentsgrewupspeakingBahasaIndonesiaasafirstlanguageandMandarinasasecondlanguage.
Withmygeneration,myparentssentustoSingaporetoavoidtheninetiesriots—clashesinIndonesiaagainsttheChinesepopulation.Fortunately,nowIndonesiaisawonderfullydiversecountryintermsofraceandreligion,andweareaffordedthekindoffreedomourparentsdidn’thave.WhileinSingapore,mycousinsandIquicklyadoptedEnglishasourfirstlanguage.Someofus(cough,cough,me)forgothowtospeakIndonesianalmostentirely.Whenevermyparentsvisited,westruggledtocommunicatewitheachother.
Theresultofallthismovingaroundisamish-mashoflanguages.Myfamilyistechnicallytrilingual,buteachofthethreelanguageswespeakisbrokeninsomeway.I’mmostcomfortableinEnglish,thenMandarinbecauseIspenttenyearsstudyingitinSingapore,andthenIndonesian.MyparentsarefluentinIndonesianandMandarin,andspeakhalting,brokenEnglish.Whenwespeaktoeachother,thesentencesarejaggedandcracked,andweoftenstruggletoconveywhatwe’retryingtosay.ThisisthepricemyparentshavehadtopaytoensurethatmybrotherandIweresafeandsound
SomeoftheauntiesinDialAforAuntiesspeakthesortofbrokenEnglishthatmyparents’generationdoes.TheirgraspoftheEnglishlanguageisnotareflectionoftheirintelligence,butareflectionofthesacrificethattheyhavemadeforus.Theyare,inessence,trilingual,andIamsoproudofthisheritage.I’mawarewhilewritingthisthatI’mstraddlingaveryfinelinebetweenauthenticityandstereotype,andit’smyhopethatthisbookdefiesthelatter.ItisbynomeansrepresentativeoftheAsiancommunityasawhole;nosinglebookcanpossiblyrepresentsuchalargecommunityofindividuals.
Ihopethatthisbookgivesyoualittlepeekintothefiercelovewithwhichmyfamilyraisedusandprotectsustothisday.
Best,
JessePrologue
EightYearsAgo
Thereisacurseinmyfamily.It’sfollowedusallthewayfromChina,whereittookmygreat-grandfather(freakaccidentonthefarmthatinvolvedapregnantsowandanunfortunatelyplacedrake),toIndonesia,whereitclaimedmygrandfather(astrokeattheageofthirty,nothingquitesodramaticasgreat-grandfather’sdemisebutstillratherIknewthecursehadclaimedhim.Whenmymalecousinsgraduated,theylefttoo,optingforschoolslikeNYUandPennStateinsteadofanyoftheperfectlyfinecollegesinCalifornia.
“Ah,Nat,yousooolucky,”BigAuntsays,thedaymymomannouncesthatI’veappliedtoeightschools,alloftheminCalifornia.ThefarthestoneisBerkeley,andwe’vehadcountlessargumentsoverthat.MathinksanythingfartherthanUCIrvineistoofar;shewon’tbeabletodropbyrandomlyandcleanmydormandnagatmyroommatetogotosleepearlyanddrinklotsofwater.BigAunt’sson,Hendra,isatBostonCollegeandignores99.999percentofhercalls.Theother0.001percentiswhenherunsoutofmoneyandhastoaskherformore.
“Oh,solucky,”SecondAuntsays,pattingherchestandsmilingsadly,probablythinkingofmycousinNikkyinPhilly,whonevercallsandonlycomesbackonceayear.Herotherson,Axel,isinNewYork.Ilastsawhimtwoyearsago,whenhemovedout.Finally,he’dsaid.Whenit’syourturn,Meddy,flyfaranddon’tlookback.“Daughtersneverleaveyou.Girlissuchblessing,”SecondAuntsays.Shereachesoutandpinchesmycheek.
FourthAuntgruntsandcontinuesshellingroasted,saltedpumpkinseeds.Maisherbiggestnemesis,andshe’dratherchokeonapumpkinseedthanagreethatMa’stheluckyoneoutofallofthem.ButwhenMaisn’tlooking,sheglancesoveratmeandgivesmeawink.I’mproudofyou,kid.
Ismileweakly.BecauseIsortofkindoftotallyliedtoMa.IdidapplytoeightschoolsinCalifornia,butIalsoappliedtoaninthschool.Columbia.Idon’tknowwhyIdid;it’snotlikeI’devergetin,andplus,howwouldweevenpaytheexorbitanttuition?
Monthslater,Iholdtheacceptanceletterinmyhandandstare,andstare,and—
Icrumpleit.Throwitinthetrash.I’mnotlikemyboycousins.I’mnotlikemyfatherandmyuncles.Ican’tjustabandonmyfamily.Especiallynotmymom.I’mnotstupidenoughtothinkthatthecursewillskipme.Yearslater,aftermyfuturehusbandleavesme,allI’llhaveleftareMaandmyaunties.SoItellthemI’mgoingtoUCLA.Macries.Myaunts(evenFourthAunt)whoopandgatheraround,huggingme,pattingmycheeks,andbemoaningthefactthattheydon’thavedaughters.
“Yousolucky,”BigAuntsays,forthemillionthtime,toMa.“Shestaywithyouforever.Youalwayshavecompanion.”
Isittrue?AmIdoomedtostaywiththemforever,justbecauseI’mtheonlyonenotheartlessenoughtoleave?Iforceasmileandnodbenignlyastheyfussaboutme,andItrytolookforwardtotherestofmylife,livinghereinthesamehousewithmymomandaunts.PART1?GIRLMEETSBOY(Theremightbeinsta-loveandalsosomeonemightdie.We’llsee.)1
PresentDay
Itakeadeepbreathbeforepushingopentheswingdoors.Noisespillsout,acacophonyofMandarinandCantonese,andIstepasidesoMacanwalkinsidebeforeme.It’snotthatI’mbeingnice—Imean,Iam,butI’malsobeingsensible.MagrewupinJakarta’sChinatown,aplaceheavingwithpeople,andsheknowshowtomakeherwaythroughacrowd.Anycrowd.IfI’mtheoneleadingtheway,I’dbesqueaking,“Excuseme—oh,sorry,AhYi—um,couldIjust—Ihaveareservation—”Myvoicewouldneverbeheardabovethedin,andwe’dbestuckoutsidetherestaurantforever.Oratleastuntilthedimsumrushdieddown,sometimearound2p.m.
Asitis,peoplesurgebehindMaasshescythesapaththroughthethrongoffamilieswaitingfortheirtables,andIwould’velostherifIwasn’tkeepingadeathgriponherarmasifI’mallofthreeyearsold.Shedoesn’tbotherstoppingatthefrontdesk.Shestridesinasifsheownstheplace,eagleeyesscanningthelargedininghall
HowcanIdescribethechaosthatisadimsumrestaurantintheheartofSanGabrielValleyat11a.m.?Theplaceisfilledwithclosetoahundredroundtables,eachoneoccupiedbyadifferentfamily,manyofthemwiththreetofourgenerationsofpeoplepresent—therearegray-haired,prune-facedAhMasholdingchubbybabiesontheirlaps.Steamingcartsarepushedbythewaitresses,thoughifyoucalledthem“Waitress”they’dneverstopforyou.YoumustcallthemAhYi—Auntie—andwavefranticallyastheywalkbytogetthemtostop.Andoncetheydo,customersdescendlikevulturesandfightoverthebamboosteamersinsidethecart.Peopleshout,askingifthey’vegotsiumai,orhargow,orlomaigai,andtheAhYislocatetherightdishessomewhereinthedepthsoftheircarts.
MyMandarinisawful,andmyCantonesenonexistent.MaandtheauntsoftentrytohelpmeimprovebyspeakingtomeineitherMandarinorIndonesian,butthengiveupandswitchtoEnglishbecauseIonlygetabout50percentofwhatthey’resaying.TheirgraspoftheEnglishlanguageisabitwobbly,butit’saheckofalotbetterthanmyMandarinorIndonesian.It’syetanotherreasonwhyIfinditextrahardtoorderfoodatdimsum.Moreoftenthannot,everythinggoodisgonebythetimetheAhYinoticesmeandunderstandsmyorder.Thenallthat’sleftisthelamestuff,likethedoughyvegetariandumplingsorthesteamedbokchoy.
Buttoday,ah,todayisagoodday.Imanagetogetmyhandsontwolotsofhargow,somethingthatBigAuntwillcertainlyappreciate,andIevengetholdoflopcheungbao—Chinesesausagerolls.Almostmakesthewholeordealofcomingtoweeklydimsumworthmywhile.
BigAuntnodsherapprovalwhentheAhYiputsthebamboosteamersdowninthecenterofourtable,andIfeelanalmostoverwhelmingneedtobeatmychestandcrow.Igotthoseshrimpdumplings!Me!
“Eatmore,Meddy.Youshouldkeepyourstrengthupfortomorrow,”BigAuntsaysinMandarin,ploppingtwopiecesofbraisedporkribsonmyplatewhileIcarefullyplacedumplingsoneveryoneelse’splatesandpourthemtea.SecondAuntcutsthecharsiubaosintotwoeachandplacesonehalfoneveryone’splate.Thetablebeingroundmeansallthedishesareequallywithinreachofeveryone,butChinesefamilymealsaren’tcompletewithouteveryoneservingfoodtoeveryoneelse,becausedoingsoshowsloveandrespect,whichmeansweallneedtodoitinthemostattention-seekingwaypossible.What’sthepointofgivingBigAuntthebiggestsiumaiifnobodyelsenotices?
“Thankyou,BigAunt,”Isaydutifully,placingafathargowonherplate.IalwaysreplyinEnglishnomatterwhichlanguagemyfamilyisspeakingbecauseSecondAuntsayslisteningtomestrugglethroughIndonesianorMandarinmakesherbloodpressurerise.“Youeatmoretoo.We’reallcountingonyoutomorrow.Andyou,SecondAunt.”Thesecond-biggesthargowgoesonSecondAunt’splate.ThirdbiggestgoestoFourthAunt,andthelastremainingonegoesonMa’splate.ThatshowsthatMahasbroughtmeupwell,tolookoutforothersbeforeourselves.
BigAuntwavesoffmyplatitudeswithaheavilyjeweledhand.“Weareallcountingoneachother.”Headsofbigcoiffedhairnod.FourthAunthasthebiggesthair,somethingthatMaisalwayscomplainingtomeaboutinprivate.
“Alwayssuchanattentionhole,”Masaidonce,whichwasequalpartshorrifyingandhilarious.Iaskedherwheresheheard“attentionhole,”andsheclaimedthatshehearditfromourneighborAuntieLiying,whichissuchalie,butI’vehadtwenty-sixyearsoflivingwithMaandIknowbetterthantoarguewithher.Isimplytoldherit’s“attentionho,”not“hole,”andshenoddedandmuttered“ho,likehohoho”beforegoingbacktochoppingscallions.
“Okay,”BigAuntsays,clappingonce.Everyonesitsupstraighter.BigAuntisolderthanSecondAuntbytenyears,andshebasicallyraisedhersisterswhileNainaiwenttowork.“Hairandmakeup?”
SecondAuntnods,bringingoutherphoneandputtingonherglasses.Sheusesherindexfingertotaponit,muttering,“Apaya,thenameofthatapp—Meddymakemeuseforhairstyle.Pin-something.”
“Pinterest,”Ipipeup.“Icanhelpyoufindit—”
BigAuntshootsmeasternlook,andIwilt.“No,Meddy.Youmustn’thelp.IfSecondAuntcan’tfindtheapptomorrowwhenshe’swiththebride,wewilllosefaceforsure.We’resupposedtobeprofessionals,”shesays.OratleastIthinkthat’swhatshesays.She’sspeakingsofastIfindithardtofollow,butIdefinitelycaughttheMandarinwordsfor“loseface”—afavoritephraseofhers.
SecondAunt’smouthpurses,andherleftcheektwitchesalittle.JustasFourthAuntirritatesthecrapoutofMa,SecondAuntandBigAunthavealotoffrictionbetweenthem.Don’taskmewhy;maybeithastodowithbeingthetwooldest.Maybeit’ssomethingintheircomplicatedpasts.There’sbeenalotofdramawithmymom’sfamily,especiallybackinJakarta.I’veheardbitsandpiecesovertheyears,mostlyfromMa.
“Ha!”SecondAuntcrows,brandishingPinterestonherphoneasifit’saswordshe’sjustmanagedtopulloutofastone.“Igotit.Thisisthestylethatthebridechose.IpracticedonMeddy’shairanditlookedwonderful.”SheturnstomeandswitchestoEnglish.“Meddy,yougotphotoItakeofyourhair?”
“Ido,”Isay,quicklytakingoutmyphone.IcallupthepictureandSecondAuntholdsitsidebysidewithherphone,showingoffthetwopicturestoeveryone.
“Wah,”Masays.“It’ssosimilartothemodel’s!Verygood,ErJie.”
SecondAuntgivesherawarmsmile.
FourthAuntnodsandrepliesinEnglish,“Yes,they’renearlyidentical.Howimpressive.”HerEnglishisthebestofalloftheirs,yetanotherthingMawillneverforgiveherfor,eventhoughMa’sEnglishisbetterthanheroldersisters’.MainsiststhatFourthAunthasapenchantforusingbigwords(i.e.,anythingwithmorethantwosyllables)justtoneedleMa.IthinkMamighthaveapointthere,butit’sjustoneofthemanytruthswewillneverknow.
“ThecurlnotshowupwellwithAsianhair,”BigAuntsays.Thefactthatshe’sspeakingEnglishmeansshe’shalf-directingtheadmonishmentatme.Myinsideswrithewithguilt,eventhoughthisisverydefinitelynotmyfault.“Whyyouchooseblondehairstyle?”
SecondAuntglowers.“Ididn’tchoose.Thebridechoose.Customeralwaysright,remember?”Shestabsherhargowandbitesitangrily.
“Hmm.”BigAuntsighs.“ShouldhavetellheritlookdifferentonAsianhairthanonblondehair.But,”sheadds,whenSecondAuntlooksaboutreadytoburst,“nevermind.Toolatenow.Movingin—”
“On,”FourthAuntsays.
“Eh?”BigAuntsays.
“On.It’smovingon,notmovingin.Movinginiswhatyoudowhenyoumovehouses.”
“Movingon.Okay.”BigAuntsmilesatFourthAunt,andFourthAuntbeamsbacksohardshemightaswellbeakidagain.MasaysFourthAuntisBigAunt’sfavoritebecauseshe’sthebabyofthefamily,andshewassuchaneedybabythatshestoleBigAunt’sheartrightoutofherchest.
“Shesnatchitrightout,”Mahasgrumbledmanytimes.Ididn’tbotheraskingifMa,asthesecond-youngestsister,hadbeenBigAunt’sfavoriterightupuntilFourthAuntwasborn.
“Flowers?”BigAuntsaysinMandarinoncemore.Irelaxalittle.
Ma’sbackstraightens.“Alltakencareof.Lilies,roses,peonies.AhGuanwilltakeeverythingtotheislandinthemorning.”
Theislandshe’stalkingaboutisSantaLucia,alarge,privatelyownedislandoffthecoastofSouthernCaliforniathatboastspristinegoldenbeaches,dramaticcliffs,and,asofamonthago,oneofthemostluxurious,exclusiveresortsintheworld—theAyanaLucia.Tomorrowisthestartofatwo-dayweddingweekendextravaganzaforJacquelineWijaya,daughterofIndonesia’slargesttextilescompany,and—Ikidyounot—TomCruise.
Sutopo,thatis.Yeah,thegroom’snamereallyisTomCruiseSutopo.Ichecked.It’sexactlythekindofthingChinese-Indonesianslovenamingtheirkidsafter—famouspeopleand/orbrandnames(IhaveacousinnamedGucci,whomovedveryfarawayassoonashewaslegallyableto),orsomeformofmisspellingofapopularWesternname.Alsocaseinpoint:Meddelin.MyparentswereaimingforMadeleine.Growingup,mycousinscalledmeMeddlin’Meddelin,whichiswhyInever,evermeddleinanyone’sbusiness,ever.Well,thatandalsothefactthatmymotherandauntsmeddleenoughforthewholefamily.
Anyway,TomCruiseSutopo’sparentsown…something.Somethinglarge.Palmoilplantations,coalmines,thatkindofthing.Soit’saweddingbetweentwobillionairefamiliesinanewlybuiltresort,whichiswhyBigAuntandalltherestofusareunderstandablynervous.Howwemanagedtolandthesepeopleasclients,Ihavenoidea.Well,is—letmegetthisstraight—Jacqueline’scousin’sfather-in-law’sbrother.Sowe’repracticallyrelatives.EverythinginChinese-Indocultureislikethat;everybodyissomehowrelatedtoeverybodyelse,anddealshappenbecausesomebody’sin-lawknowssomeoneelse’sfriend’scousin.
Ithoughtthatourcheesy-as-hellcompanymotto,whichBigAuntissupremelyproudof—Don’tleaveyourbigdaytochance,leaveittotheChans!—would’vescaredawaythebrideandgroom,buttheyactuallyfounditfunny.Saiditmadethemevenmorecertainthattheywantedtohireustocatertheirbigday.
Marattlesonabouthowshe’smanagedtogettherarestflowers.“Thearrangementsaregoingtolook—whatdoyousayinEnglish,Meddy?Exsqueezed?”
“Youmeanexquisite?”FourthAuntsays,andMagivesherthedeadliestside-eyeinthehistoryofallside-eyes.
“Verygood,”BigAuntsayshurriedly,breakingtheradioactiveglaresbetweenMaandFourthAunt.“Andlastone,songs,allokay?”
FourthAunt’sfacegoesfromicyglaretosatisfiedsmirk.“Ofcourse,thebandandIhavebeenpracticingnightandday.Peoplekeepcomingbythestudiotolistentomesing,youknow.”TherearetwoversionsofFourthAunt’slifestory.Versiononehastodowithherbeingacelebratedchildprodigywithavoicethatnewspapersdescribedas“angelic”and“anationaltreasure.”Shewaswellonherwaytostardom,butchosetoleaveitallbehindwhenallhersistersdecidedtomovetoCalifornia.Versiontwohasherasaso-sosingerwhocunninglyconvincedherentirefamilytouprootthemselvesandmovetoCaliforniasoshecouldpursueherpipedreamsofbreakingoutinHollywood.OneversionisFourthAunt’s;theotherisMa’s.
“Andthecake?”SecondAuntsays,side-eyeingBigAunt.“Ourcenterpieceneedstobeperfect,unlikethatunfortunatethingyoumadeforMochtarHalim’sdaughter’swedding.”Shegivesadramaticsigh.“Nobodyhasafaceanymore.”Hmm,thatcan’tberight.Iparsethewordsslowlyinmyhead.Ithinkshe’ssayingBigAunthasmadeallofusloseface.IreallyneedtobrushuponmyMandarin.
Anyway,thepointis,SecondAunthasmadeareallylowblow.CherissHalim’sweddingisherfavoritetopic,becauseCherisshadrequestedafiendishlytrickycake—afive-layerupside-downtower,withthebottomlayerasthesmallestoneandthetopasthebiggest.BigAunt,withyearsandyearsunderherbeltasheadpastrychefforRitz-CarltonJakarta,wasconfidentshecoulddoit.Butsomethingwentwrong.Idon’tknowwhat,maybeshedidn’tbuildenoughstructuralsupport,ormaybeitwasjustanimpossibletaskforabeachweddinginthemiddleofaSoCalsummer.Whateveritwas,amidtheguests’horrifiedgasps,thehumongoustowerhadleanedoverinslowmotionbeforecollapsingononeoftheflowergirls.Itwastheonlytimewe’devergoneviral,andSecondAunthasn’tletBigAuntforgetabouttheincidentsince.
BigAunt’snostrilsflare.“I’mjustheretobuysoysauce.”
Okay,thatdefinitelycan’tberight.IleantowardMaandwhisper,“Why’sBigAunttalkingaboutbuyingsoysauce?”
“Tch,”Masays.“ThisiswhyIalwayssaytoyou:payattentioninChineseclass!BigAuntissayingtoSecondAunttomindherownbusiness.”
“Thankyouforbeingsooocaring,Meimei,”BigAuntissaying.Phew,she’sreallymadnow.Sheonlyreferstotherestasmeimei—littlesister—whenshewantstoremindthemwho’stheeldest.“Ofcourseeverythingisready.Thecakewillbeperfectlyfine;pleasedon’tworryaboutme.”ShegivesSecondAuntasmilethatIcanonlydescribeas“sosweetit’sdeadly”andthenturnsherattentiontome.
Ishiftinmyseat.BigAunt,likehertitle,islargerthanallhersisters.Iguesstwentyyearsasapastrychefwilldothattoyou.Shewearshersizewell,anditmakeshermoremajestic,moreconvincing.There’sareasonshe’stheonewhomeetswithpotentialclients.IhatethethoughtofdisappointingMa,butthethoughtofdisappointingBigAuntactuallykeepsmeupsomenights.Maybeit’stheresultofspendingmostofmylifeinthesamehouseasmymomandhersisters.MaandIonlygottomoveintoourownplaceayearago,afterthefamilybusinessstartedturningasteadyprofit.Weallstillliveinthesameneighborhood,amereten-minutewalkawayfromoneanother,andIfeeltheweightoftheirexpectations,asifIhavefourmothersandalloftheirhopesanddreamshavebeenplacedonmyshoulders.I’mbasicallydrivenbyamixtureofcaffeineandfamilialguilt.
BigAuntturnstofaceme,andmyspinestraightensinstinctively.MaybeshesenseshownervousIamabouttomorrow,becauseshegivesmeanencouragingsmileandswitchestoEnglishformysake.“Meddy,everythingokaywithcamera,ya?Youreadyforbigday?”
Inod.Icheckedandrecheckedmycamera,mybackupcamera,andallfiveofmylensesyesterday.They’dallbeensentforamaintenanceandpropercleanupweeksago,inpreparationforthiswedding.Ihatethatthedocumentingofmyfamily’shardwork—BigAunt’stoweringcakes,SecondAunt’scomplicatedhairstylesandflawlessmakeupartistry,Ma’sgorgeousflowerarrangements,andFourthAunt’sdynamicperformances—allfallsonmyshoulders.Everywedding,Itrytocaptureeverything,andeverywedding,Imisssomething.Lastwedding,IforgottotakepicturesofFourthAuntfromher“goodside,theonethatmakesmelooktwentyagain,”andtheweddingbeforethat,Ifailedtocapturethecenterpieceattable17,whichwasapparentlysignificantlydifferentfromalltheothercenterpieces.
“Mygear’sinperfectcondition,”Iassurethem,“andI’vememorizedthelistofpicturesIneedtotakeforoursocialmedia.”
“Yougood,filialgirl,Meddy,”BigAuntsays,andIforceasmile.Ah,filialpiety,thefoundationofAsianparenting.FromeversinceIcanremember,I’vebeentaughttoputmyelders—thatis,Maandtheaunties—aboveeverything.It’sthereasonwhyI,outofsevenkidsinmygeneration,amtheonlyoneinvolvedinthefamilybusiness,eventhoughIdesperatelywantout.Fortheirsake,Ipretendtoloveallofit—thefussandthehugeproductionandeverything—butit’sslowlyerodingwhatIloveaboutphotography.Formonthsnow,I’vetoyedwiththeideaofleavingtheweddingbusiness,ofgoingbacktowhatIloveaboutphotography—tobeabletotakemytime,playaroundwithdifferentlensesandlightingandanglesinsteadofrushingtotakephotoafterphotoofthesamestuff.NotthatIcaneverrevealanyofthistomyfamily.
“Yes,youareagood,filialgirl,”MachirpsinIndonesian.MaandtheauntiesareequallyfluentinMandarinandIndonesianandswitchseamlesslyfromonelanguagetotheother.She’ssmilingreallywide.Uh-oh.Whyisshesmiling?“That’swhywehaveasurpriseforyou.”
Nowallofmyauntsaregrinningdownatme.Ishrinkbackinmyseat,thesiumaiinmymouthturningtostone.“What’sgoingon?”Isay,myvoicecomingoutevensmallerthanusualwithmyfamily.
Masays,“Ifoundtheperfecthusbandforyou!”Atthesametime,allofmyauntssay,“Surprise!”
Iblink.“Sorry,youfoundwhatnow?”
“Perfecthusband!”Macrows.
Ilookovermyshoulder,half-expectingsomeguyMahasprobablyambushedattheRanch99markettocomeupbehindme
“Aiya,he’snothere,sillygirl,”Masays.
“Ishetiedupinthetrunkofyourcar?”
“Don’tjoke,Meddy,”BigAunttuts.“Yourmamaisdoingallofthissothatyoucanhaveagoodlife.”
Inod,contrite.I’manadultandyetallittakesisasingleadmonishmentfromBigAunttomakemefeelallofthreeyearsoldagain.“Sorry,Ma.ButIdon’t—”
“Don’tbutthisbutthat,”Masays.“Whyisitsodifficulttogetyoutodate?ItriedsettingyouupwithUncleAwai’sson,butno,youdidn’tletme.Itriedsettingyouupwithmylilysupplier,AhGuan—AhGuanisveryhandsome,youknow—butyourefusedthattoo.Didn’tevenwanttomeethim.”
“MeddyisprobablycautiousbecauselasttimewhenyoutriedtosetherupwithWangZhixiang’sson,heturnedouttobe,youknow,”FourthAuntsays.
Mawavesanirritatedhand.“WhydoyoukeepbringingupZhixiang’sson?Soheturnedouttobesomemaniac.HowwasIsupposedtoknow?”
“Kleptomaniac,”Imumble.Bythetimeourdatewasover,he’dstolenmymakeupbagfrommypurseand,somehow,oneofmyshoes.Imean,theguy’sanasshole,butyou’vegottagiveittohim.Orlethimstealit.
“Anyway,sayangku,”Masays,usingtheIndonesiantermofendearmentshesavesforreallyspecialoccasions,likethedayIgraduatedfromUCLA,“thisguyissogood.I’mtellingyou,nooneisbetterthanhim.Heissohandsome,sokind,andsosmart!Aaand…”
Ohgod,hereitcomes.Thefinalnailinthecoffin.Whatisitgoingtobethistime?Withmyluck,he’llturnouttobeasecondcousinorsomething.
“He’sthehotelowner!”FourthAuntcries.
Maglaresather.“Iwasjustgoingtosaythat.Youstolemythunder!”
“Youweretakingtoolong,”FourthAuntsays.
Theyallturnbacktome,grinningexpectantly.
“Uh.”Iputdownmychopsticks.“Imean.AmIsupposedtobehappyaboutthat?Itsoundslikeahugeliability.DoIhavetogiveyouguysarefreshercourseonhowbadIamatdating?Whatpartofthisisagoodidea,exactly?”
“Ah,”Masays,smilingsmugly.“Iknowyou’renotsogoodatdating—”
“It’sbecauseyou’resuchgoodgirl,”BigAuntsays,loyally.
SecondAuntnods.“Yes,you’renotawhore,that’swhyyou’resobadatdating.”
“Auntie!Canwenotslut-shamewomen,please?”
Sheshrugs,notcontriteintheleast.
“Anyway,”Masays,“itdoesn’tmatter.It’sokaythatyou’reterribleatdating,becausethisboy,oh,heissoinlovewithyou,Meddy.Heknowsallyourflawsandhowawkwardyouareinpersonandeverything,buthesaysitmakeshimlikeyouevenmore!”
“Whoa,whoa,”Iraisemyhands.“Holdup.Okay.”Itakeadeepbreath.“Thereissomuchhere.CanwepleaseswitchbacktoEnglish?BecauseI’mprettysureI’mmisinterpretingeverything.Firstofall,heknowsallmyflaws?Whatthef—whatgives,Ma?Howdoesheknowanyofthisstuffaboutme?”
“Shemethimonline!”FourthAuntcries,triumphantly.Iguessshe’sbeenburstingwiththesecretthiswholetime,becauseherentirefaceisshiningwithexcitement.“Yourmotherwentonline,toadatingsite,andhasbeenchattingwithhimforweeks!”
“What?!”Ohmygod,soit’snotalossintranslation.Shereallydidgoandfindmearandomguytogooutonadatewith.“Ma,isthisforreal?”
“Yes,verygoodidea,right?Thisway,youandhimgettoknoweachotherbeforethedate,whichistonight.”
“Tonight?”Isquawk.“ButIdon’tknowhim!Iknownothingabouthim,asidethathe’sbeenchattingwithmymotherforweeks.Imean,goodgrief,thatissomemessed-upshit,Ma.”
“ThatwhyItellyounow,”Masays,completelyunfazed.Meanwhile,mycheeksaresohotthey’repracticallymeltingoffmyface.“Oh,heissuchagoodboy,sorespectfulofhiselders.”
“Howwouldyouknow?”Irealizehowloudmyvoiceiswhenheadsatthenexttableswivelround.Tobeloudenoughtoattractattentioninadimsumrestaurantduringthelunchrushisdamnnearimpossible,whichjustgoestoshowhowfuckingpissedIam.
“Hebuyhisparentshouse!AmansioninSanMarino,verygoodlocation.”
Mythreeauntiesnodsolemnly.SanMarinoisbasicallymyfamily’sHolyGrail—closeenoughtoSGVforthoselate-nightTaiwanesebubbleteas,farenoughtobesurroundedbynon-immigrants.MaandhersistershavehadtheireyeonSanMarinoeversincetheyimmigratedhere.
“Andhelovescooking,”Masays,withapointedglareatme,“verygoodbecausenomatterhowmanytimesIteachyou,youstilldon’tknowhow.Howcanyoubegoodwife,youcan’tevencookrice?”
“Stayonthetopic,”FourthAuntsays
Foronce,Malistenstoher.“Hehastwodogs.Youalwayswantdog.Nowyoucanhavetwo!Theyaresowell-groom.Look!”Shebrandishesaphotooftwoglossygoldenretrieversthataresogoldenandsoperfectlyshapedtheylookliketheycouldbesomepetmagazinemodels.
“Itellhim,Isay,‘I’mweddingphotographer,’andhesay,‘Wow,soimpressive!’andIsay—”
“Wait.”Ihavetotakeasecondtoletthewordssinkin.“Didyoujust—Ma.Didyou—goonadatingsiteasme?”Isittherewithmymouthopen,notbreathingorblinkingoranything.
“Ofcourseshedid!”SecondAuntsays.“Howelsecanshemeettheboy?Ifshesayherrealage,fifty-six—”
“Fifty-three,”Mainterjects.
FourthAuntsnorts.
“Ifshesayherrealage,thenshewillmatchingwithmenherage,”SecondAuntexplainsveryslowly,noddingandsmilingatmeencouragingly.“Yousee?Iswhyshehastopretendsheisyou.”
Ican’tevenrightnow.Whatismylife?Whilemymindsputterstocatchupwiththesituation,Maregalesmewithmoreofthedeep,soulfulmessagesthatJakethehotelownerhassentme.He’sseenmypicturesandapparentlyfindsme“breathtaking.”
“Doyouhaveanyphotosofhim,atleast?”
“Iaskhim,butIthinkmaybeheabitshy,”Masays.
“Yourealizethatmeanshe’sacompletetroll?”FourthAuntsays.
Mawavesheroff.“Ithinkisbecausehesohandsome,hedon’twantshowoffphoto,hewantstomakesureyoufallinginlovewithhim,nothisface.”
“Also,he’sTaiwanese,sohisMandarinverygood,”SecondAuntsays.“MaybeyoucanimproveyourMandarinwithhim.WheneveryouspeakMandarin,aduh,givemeheadache.”
“Sorry,”Imumble.I’msoflusteredbyeverythingthey’rethrowingatmethatIdon’tknowhowtoreact.“Ineedto—canIseethesechatmessages?”
“Aduh,notimeforthat,”Masays.“Youtrustme,okay,thisoneisverygoodboy.Verygood.Ifyoudon’tgo,youmissout.”
And,tomyhorror,despitetheawfulnessofeverything,partofmeisbeingwonover,whichclearlymeansIhavelostmydamnmind.
ButthelasttimeIwentonadatewas
Lastsummer?Lastfall?Christonacracker.Hasitreallybeenthatlong?Anddon’tevengetmestartedonthelasttimeIgotlaid.AsmybestfriendSelenalikestoremindme,“Girl,youneedtogetsomebeforethatthingclosesupshopforgood.”Ilookdownatmylap,atthat“thing.”Whycan’tSelenajustsay“vagina”?You’renotgonnacloseupshopforgood,areyou?
Okay,Ihavejuststartedtalkingtomyvagina.MaybeMa’sright.Idesperatelyneedtogooutonadate.Andsowhatifit’sbeensetupintheweirdest,mostawkwardwayever?
“Mustgo,ya,”Maissaying,unawarethatI’vequietlytalkedmyself—andmyvagina—intoagreeing.
“Mustnotcancel,”BigAuntsays.“Ifyoucancellastminuteitsooffensive,youknow.”
“Sooffensive,”SecondAuntsays.“Butweknowyounotdothat.Youarenicegirl.”
“You’lljeopardizetheweddingweekend,”FourthAuntsays.“Youmustgo,beyourlovely,sweetself.He’llfallinloveforsure.”
Istareatmymotherandmyaunts.Theystarebackatme,smilingandnoddinginthatwaycatsdowhenthey’vecorneredamouse.
“Fine.”Isigh.“TellmeeverythingI’msupposedtoknowaboutmydatetonight.”2
SophomoreYear,SevenYearsAgo
“YouareNOTputtingcut-uphotdogandkimchiinyours,”Isay,wrinklingmynose.
“Ohright,youcanputthatpandathinginyours,butIcan’tputhotdogandkimchiinmine?”Nathansays,stirringhisbizarremugcakebatter.
“Pandanisalegitcakeflavor,youcaveperson.Whatkindofmugcakehashotdogandkimchi?”
“Thebestkind,”Nathansayseasily.“Youknowmine’sgonnacomeouttastingwaybetterthanyours,andthenyou’rejustgoingtoendupeatingitall.”
“Not.Possible.”
Tenminuteslater,Igiveacryoffrustrationwhenmyspoonhitsthebottomofhismug.“Isthatallthereis?”
Nathanlaughs.“Toldyou.AlthoughIhavetoadmit,pandaisdelicious.”
“It’span-DAN.We’renoteatingtheanimal.It’saplant.”
“OH!ThiswholetimeIthoughtwewereeating,like,asecretionfrompandas’glandsorsomething.”
Nowit’smyturntolaugh.Seriously,thisguy.“Youaresuchadork.Ohmygod,Ican’tbelieve—whichgland?”
“Obviouslyanal.”
“Gross.”
Hegivesthatgrin,theonethatmakeshiseyesalmostfullyclose.Theonethatmakesmewanttothrowup.Justtobeclear,itmakesmewanttothrowupbecauseit’ssocuteitdoesweirdthingstomystomach,notbecauseitdisgustsme.WhenItoldSelenaaboutthenauseatinggrin,shesaid,“Well,youeitherhavestomachfluoryou’reinlove
Inlove.IwatchasNathangetsupandheadstothefridgetomakeanotherhotdogandkimchimugcakeforme,andIknow,ofcourseIknow,thatI’mstupidly,annoyinglycheck-my-phone-every-half-minuteinlovewithhim.Eversincewegottoknoweachotherduringfreshersweek,NathanandIhavebecomefastfriends.Itfeelsmeanttobe.We’veevengotthesamelastname:Chan.Whatarethechancesofthat?Okay,soit’sthemostcommonsurnameinHongKong,whichiswherehisdad’sfrom,andoneofthemostpopularsurnamesinChina,whichiswheremygranddad’sfrom,butitfeelslikefate.Wehangoutalmosteverydayanddolotsofrandomstuff.We’velocatedthebestspotstonapinthelibrary,we’vefoundthebesticecreamsandwichcomboatDiddyRiese(whitechocolatemacadamianutcookiewithbutterpecan),andtoday,hecameovertomydorm’scommonroomtomakemugcakes.It’slikemyfriendshipwithSelena,exceptwithstomach-turningattractiononmypart.Onhispart—
Well,Idon’tknow.SometimesIthinkhe’sattractedtometoo.SometimesIcatchhimwatchingmewithhiseyesallsoft,whichmakesmystomachlurch(thankyou,stomach).Butthenhe’lldostufflikeresthiselbowonthetopofmyheadwhenwe’rewaitingfortheredlighttochange,andthenI’mprettysureheseesmeasjustafriend.WhichI’mtotallycoolwith.I’mdownforplatonicfriendship,yeah.I’mchill.Toteschillax
NathanplacesahandonmyshoulderandIpracticallyleapoutofthechair.“Whoa,youokay?”
Isnort.“Duh,ofcourse,whywouldn’tIbe?”It’snotasifIwasinterruptedmid-daydreamabouthisabs,whichIsweararevisiblethroughhisUCLAhoodie.
“DidyouhearwhatIsaid?”
“What?”
“AboutthepartyatPhiKappa?”
Agrimacetakesovermyface.“Afratparty?Whataboutit?”
“Um,doyouwannago?Myfriend’samember,andhesaystheirpartiesaregreat.Idon’tknow,couldbefun.”
“Youdorealizeafratpartyiswhereeverybadthinghappens?Alcoholpoisoning,daterape,hazing…”
“Okay,okay.”Nathanlaughs.“Igetit,youdon’thavetogo.”
Argh,whydoIhavetobesuchakilljoy?Idowanttogo.Ijust—Idon’tknow,IguessI’mdeathlyafraidthatNathanmightrealizeI’mintohim,andthatwouldbemassivelyembarrassing.
Thankfully,themicrowavedingsthen.Nathanbusieshimselfwithtakingoutthemugcake.Hemovessoeffortlesslyaroundthesharedkitchen,alwayswiththisliquidgracethatremindsmeofsomefelinecreature.Likealion,oralynx.Hesprinklesfreshlycutchivesoverthemugcakeandslidesitovertome.IthankhimeventhoughI’velostmyappetite.
“Anyway,Igottago.IpromisedMattI’dhitthegymwithhim.”
“Thanksforthecake,”Isayintheworld’smostcasualvoice.“Haveagoodworkout,”Icalloutatthelastminute,andthenimmediatelyregretit.Thatsoundedlikenagging.
Heflashesmethatgrinagain,andisgone.Islumpbacktomyroom.SelenabarelylooksupfromhercalculustextbookwhenIflopdramaticallyontomybed.“Blueballs?”shesays,scribblinginhernotebook.
“Thebluestballs,”Igroanintomypillow.
“Prettysurethebook’scalledTheBluestEye.”
Iturnmyheadandglareather.“You’renotveryempathetic.”
“DidheaskyoutogotothePhiKappaparty?”
“Howdidyouknowaboutthat?”
Selenarollshereyes.“BecauseIhaveasociallife?AndNathanwasverycasuallyaskingifyouweregoing.”
Igroan.“Iamtheworstatparties.Ifheeversawmeatone,he’drealizeIamthemostunamazingpersonintheworld.”
“That’swhyyouhaven’tgonetoanypartieshere?”Selenagawksatme.“Boy,youhaveissues.Okay.It’ssettled.You’regoingtothisone.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No,youcan’tmakeme,Iwon’t.Iwon’t!”
???
Fridaynight,SelenaandIstandoutsidePhiKappa,ahousethat’squiteliterallyvibratingwithmusic.Imean,Icanactuallyseethewindowsrattlingwitheachdeepbassbeat.
“Thisisabadidea,”Imoan.TheonlypartiesIlikearethesit-around-playing-board-gameskind.
“Focus,”Selenasays,grabbingmebytheshoulders.“Youlookhotasshit,andwe’regonnagointhereandyou’regonnafindNathan,andI’mgonnafindsomehotgirlorguy,whichevercomesfirst,andwe’rebothgonnascoretonight.”
“Score?”Isqueak.
“Youknow,smash?”
Inarrowmyeyesather.
“Bone?Coitus?DoIreallyhavetosay‘sexualintercourse’?”
Myvoicecomesoutseveraloctaveshigherthanmosthumanvoicesusuallygo.“Iwasn’tgoingto—I’mnotreadyto—”
Selenacackles.“Ohgod,yourface.I’mjustkidding.Nofuckingtonight,okay?YouandNathanaretooadorabletofallforthedrunkone-night-standbullshit.We’lljustfindhim,he’lltakeonelookatyouinthisoutfit,andthat’llbethat.He’sgoingtoDIE.”
“Notliterally,Ihope,”Imutterundermybreath,justincasethecurseislisteningin.ItakeadeepbreathandfollowSelenaasshestrutsconfidentlyintotheheavingfrathouse.
It’sevenworseinsidethanIthoughtitwouldbe.Themusicissoloudmyteethrattletothebeat.Selenadivesintothecrowd,slitheringbetweenthehot,pulsingbodies,pullingmealongwithher.Ihavenoideawherewe’reheadedorhowsheevenknowswheretogo.SomeonespillsanicydrinkdownthetightjeansSelena’slentmeforthenightandIsqueal,lettinggoofSelena’shand,butanysoundImakeisimmediatelyswallowedbythedin.ThebodiesheaveandclosebehindSelena.Icryouthername,butevenIcan’thearmyownvoice.
AndnowI’malone.Itakeadeepbreath,whichisamistake.Frathousesprobablydon’tsmellgreatatthebestoftimes,andanhourintoaroaringparty,itsmellsradioactive.Igag,steelmyself,andplungebackintothecrowd,callingoutforSelena.Somedrunkguystumblesandcrashesintome,hissuddenmomentummakingmestumble.I’mabouttobetrampled.Thisisnotagoodwaytodie—
“Whoa,hey,”someonesays,pullingmeoffthestickyfloor.
“Nathan,”Ibreathe.
Heblinks.“Meddy?”Thenheseemstoactuallyseemeforthefirsttime,andhiseyeswiden.“Wow.”
Ignawonmylip.Selenawouldbesoproudofhisreaction,butIfeelstupid,asifI’mwearingsomeoneelse’sclothes.WhichIam.Selena’sstuffedmeintoapairofjeanssotightI’mprettysurethey’regoingtohavetobecutoffmylegs,andashimmery,backlesstanktopthatdoesn’tallowforabra.Shesaysit’sfinesincebrasarereallyonlyforwomenwithboobs.Harshbuttrue.
“Oh,hey,”Isay,asifItotallywasnotexpectingtoseehimhere,asifIdidn’texpresslycomeherehalfnakedjusttosurprisehimintolovingmeback.
“What?”heshouts.
“Isaid‘Hey!’”Ishoutback.
“Heyyourself,”heshouts.Atleast,Ithinkthat’swhatheshouts.
“What?”Ishout.Webothshakeourheadsandlaugh,andwhateverawkwardnesstherewasbetweenusmeltsawaylikealittlepieceofmarshmallow.Hetakesmyhandandsqueezesitbeforeleadingmeacrosstheroom.Myheartsqueezespainfully—argh,he’sgoingtonoticehowsweatymypalmsareandthenhe’llletgoandI’lllosehiminthecrowdthesamewayIlostSelena—butNathankeepsatightgriponmyfingersandweavesthroughthecrowdslowly,turningbackeveryfewstepstomakesureI’mokay.Andthensuddenly,we’reoutinthebackyard,chillynightwindstingingmyfaceandmybareback,makingmebreakoutingoosebumps.Nathanclosestheglassdoorbehindus,andthethumpingmusiciscutoff,thankgod.
“Youmadeit,”Nathansays,givingmeaone-armedhug.“Where’sSelena?”
“Somewhereinside.”IcheckmyphoneandsendheraquickmessagelettingherknowI’minthebackyard.
WhileI’monmyphone,Nathangreetstheotherpeopleouthere.There’sahandfulofthem,allofthemcarryingredplasticcupsorbottlesofIPA.Okay,Icandothis.Itswaymorerelaxedouthere.Ishovemyhandsinmypockets,ortryto,anyway.Itturnsoutthesestupidjeansarewaytootighttofitevenapinkyin.Nathanintroducesmetohisfriends,whosenamesIimmediatelyforget,butwhenItellthemmine,acoupleofthemlightupandglanceatNathan,whonarrowshiseyesbackatthem.Myheartclattersagainstmyribcage.Doesthatmeanhe’stoldhisfriendsaboutme?DOESTHATMEANHELOVESMEINAMORETHANJUSTFRIENDSWAY?
Okay,slowdown,bunnyboiler.Itdoesn’tmeananything.AgirlhandsmeabottleofIPAandholdsoutabottleopenertome.“Justhangitonthathookwhenyou’redone.”Shepointsatahookthat’sbeennailedontoatreeinthemiddleoftheyard.
Idoasshetoldme,andwhenIturnaroundfromthetree,IwalkrightintoNathan’schest.“Oof.”
“Youokay?Sorry,IthoughtyouknewIwasrightbehindyou.”
Irubmynose.“Geez,areyouwearingabreastplateunderyourshirt?”
Heflexeshisbicepsdramatically.“WhatcanIsay?I’mjustreallycut.”
“Morelikebony.”Heisn’t,though.Notbyalongshot.Itearmyhornyeyesawayfromhispecs.Whatisitaboutguys’pecsthatIfindsoattractive?It’slikeI’maboobman,butthereverse.Apecgirl.ThenmygazelandsonNathan’shands,andIthink,Mmm,hehasnicehands.MaybeI’mahandgirl.OrmaybeI’mjustaNathaneverythinggirl.
Ileanbackagainstthetreetrunkinanefforttolook,well,effortless,butthatturnsouttobeamassivemistake.Protip:don’tleanagainstatreetrunkwhenwearingabacklesstop.“Shit,”Ihiss,rubbingatmyback.“What’sonthisstupidtree,razorblades?”
“Um,thatwouldbetreebark.Letmeseeyourback.”AndbeforeIknowit,Nathan’sfingersareonmybareskin.Awarm,stronghandagainstmychilledback.Mymusclesmeltintowater.Mystomachisbasicallyapuddle.Iswallow,remindingmyselftobreathe.“Justascratch.You’lllive.”Buthishanddoesn’tleavemyback.Instead,hisfingerssplayacrossit,makingmyentirebodytingle.“Youcold?”
Icanbarelyspeakashetakesoffhisjacketanddrapesitovermyshoulders.Thisisit.ThisiswhenItellhimthatI’vebeenhavingsexdreamsabouthim—no,thatIhaveamassivecrushonhim,thatIthinkhe’sasperfectashumanscome.Hisjacket’ssobigithangsoffmyshoulders.
“Hasanyoneevertoldyouhowridiculouslytinyyouare?”
“Excuseyou,Iamfivefeettwo—”
“Onagoodday,inheels,”Nathanmurmurs,givingmethatdimpledsmile.Hepullsthejacketclosedaroundmeandgivesalittletug,asifhedoesn’twanttoletgo.Idon’twanthimtoletgo.“Hey,”hesays,hisvoicesoftvelvet.
Ilookupandfallintohisgaze.“Hey.”Foronce,therearenojokes,nosmartassremarks,nothicklayeroffriendshipbetweenus.It’sjusthim,andme,andthechillydesertnight,andstringlightsglowinglikestarsaroundus
“I’mgladyoucame,”Nathansays.
Andforonce,I’m100percenthonestwithhim.“Icametoseeyou.”
Thatsmileagain,andthenhedipshishead,stoopinglowasIraisemine,andourlipsmeetinasoftcrushthatobliterateswhateverotherthoughtsIhad.
Okay,okay.Okay.I’vekissedboysbefore.Okay,twoboys.Okay,oneofthemwasthebackofmyhand.Thekisswiththeotherboywasn’tgreat;Imean,myhandwasbetter,honestly.I’veneverlikedthelookofthoseHollywoodopen-mouthedkisses;Ieatwaytoomuchfermentedshrimppastetohaveanyqualmsaboutmebeingagreatkisser.Whenitcomestokissing,it’sclosedmouthallthewayforme.
Butthis.Holyshit.Nathanistheperfectcountertomyprudishmouth.Hislipsaresoft,andhisbreathisaheadymixofrumandmint,andhedoesn’tjustsliphistongueinlikeChristianMillerdidinninthgrade.Nathantakeshistime,touchinghislipstominesogently,sofeatherysoft,untilI’maboneless,waterymass.Iwrapmyarmsaroundhisbroad,strongshouldersforsupport,andhehalf-liftsmeoffmyfeet.AndthenbeforeIknowit,mymouthparts,andI’mreallykissingNathanChan,anditishotashell.
Inthismoment,Iknowthisisit.ThereisnoonelikeNathan,notthewayhe’sholdingme,sofirmly,thelengthofmybodypressedupagainsthis.AndthemomentIrealizeit,IknowI’mprettymuchscrewed.3
PresentDay
Meddy[7:03PM]:Thisissuchabadidea.HowinthehelldidIletthemtalkmeintodoingthis?
Selena[7:04PM]:Bybeingyourself?
Meddy[7:04PM]:
Meddy[7:05]:It’sallyourfault!Ifyou’dbeenatdimsum,youwould’veruninterferenceandIwouldn’tbesittingherewaitingforsomedudemymom’sbeencatfishing!
Selena[7:06PM]:Right,likeIwould’vedaredstopyourfam’splansofsettingyouup.Plus,thisisfun!
Meddy[7:08PM]:Youaretheworst.KnowwhatI’mgonnado?I’mgonnatellthemthisdatewentsowellthattheyshoulddothesameforyou.
Selena[7:09PM]:Ifyourmomcanfindmearichhotelownertodate,I’mdown.What’stheproblem?
Isighandlowerthephonetothetable.IfItoldherthetruth,thatI’mstillhunguponNathan,she’dtellmetostopbeingsopathetic.
“Hello,Meddelin?”Awarm,lowvoicesays.
Istartle,shakingallthoughtsofNathanoutofmymind.DonotstartoffthisdatebeinghauntedbyNathan’sghost.Ilookup,and—okay,Ma,youdidwell.FourthAuntwaswrong.Jakeisdefinitelynotatroll.He’snotasdevastatinglygorgeousasNathan—ugh,stopit,self—buthe’sdefinitelygood-looking.He’dfitintoaK-popbandforsure.Tall,lithe,flawlessskin,andaslightlyimpishsmilethatIfindimpossiblenottoreturn.FourthAuntwouldbealloverhim.Istandtogivethehandsomemanbeforemea—ohgod,hugorhandshake?Hereachesoutandpullsmeintoahug,solvingmyminorcrisisandhidingmysocialineptitude,hishandlingeringonmylowerback.Bythetimewebreakapart,I’mblushingalittle.Thatwasn’tanormal“Nicetomeetyou”hug.Orwasit?HaveIbeenoutofthegamethatlong?
Jakemusthavesensedmyslightunease,becausehegivesmeasheepishgrinandsays,“Sorryifthatwastoomuch.I’mjustsoexcitedtofinallymeetyouinperson.”
Ofcourse.Forhim,wearenotcompletestrangers.We’vebeenchattingforweeks.Thepoorsucker.Ican’tbelievemymomcatfishedsomeoneintodatingme.Okay,focus.Imanageasmile.“Um,metoo.”
“Youareevenmorebeautifulinperson,”hesays,andreachesacrossthetabletotakemyhands.
Uhhh.
MysmilefreezesintoaChrissyTeigen–esquegrimace-smile,buthedoesn’tseemtonotice.Heflagsdownawaiterandsays,“Bringusabottleofyourbestchampagne.”
Isthereapolitewayofpullingmyhandsback?Mymindisshort-circuiting,tryingtoworkitswaythroughthemess.Okay,soobviouslythingshavegottendeepforthisguy.DeeperthanMaledmetobelieve.Damnit,whydidn’tItryhardertoseethechatmessages?IfIpulledmyhandsaway,wouldhefeelhurt?Betrayed?Ohgod,evenworse,whatifherealizesitwasn’tmehe’sbeentalkingtobutmymother?He’lllosehisshitforsure,andthenwouldhetrytogetusfired?Bad-mouthustothebrideandgroomattheveryleast?Jesus,whatifhesuesus?Isthatevenpossible?
“Youokay?”hesays.
Iblinkandrefocusonhim.Itakeadeepbreath.“Sorry,yeah,I’mfine.”
“Somethingonyourmind?”
Yousuingmeandmyfamilyforfraud.“Um,nothing.Just.Work,Iguess?”
Henods.“LikeI’vetoldyoubefore,yourworkisamazing.”
Heatrisesupmyneck.Ialmostblurtout,“You’veseenmywork?”Butmanagetostopmyselfintime.Ofcoursehe’sseenmywork.Itwould’vebeenoneofthefirstthingsMarevealedtohim.Ourwebsite,withthousandsofpicturesofhappycouples,isprettyawesome,ifIdosaysomyself.
“Youcaptureallthoseemotionssowell,”hecontinues.“Honestly,sometimesI’mlike,damn,Jake,howdidyougetthislucky?”
Ilaughweakly.Heisindeep,thepoorguy.I’llbenice.I’vegottogivethisagoodgo,ifonlyforhissake.Ialmoststupidlysay,“Andwhatisityoudo?”whenIrecallthatIdoactuallyknowwhathedoes.“You’retookind.Sotellme,howdidyougetintothehotelbusiness?”
Jakeshrugs.“Iwasworkinginfinancerightoutofcollege.WorkedonWallStreetforawhile,andthenIthought,Well,I’vemadeafortune—acoupleoffortunes,really…”Helaughs.Idon’treallyseewhat’sfunny,butIlaughalonganyway,thenfeellikeacompleteidiot.“ItoyedaroundwithafewideasandthendecidedIwantedtobuildaresortwheremyfamilyandfriendscouldvisitandhavefun.Whynot,right?It’saperkofbeingfilthyrich.”
I’msparedhavingtoanswerwhenthewaiterreturnswithourchampagne.It’shardtoimaginehowthisguymanagedtocharmmymominto—oh,whoamIkidding?Attwenty-six,I’masgoodasaspinster.Mawould’vedishedmeouttoanyguyaslongashehasapulse.I’msonervousbynowthatItakeagulpofchampagnebeforeJakesays,“Cheers.”
“Right,sorry.Cheers.”Iclinkmyglassagainsthisanddownit.IfI’mgoingtogetthroughtonight,I’mgoingtoneedalotofchampagne.
Maybeit’sthechampagne,ormaybeit’sthefactthatthefoodattherestaurantisexcellent;whateveritis,halfwaythroughdinnerIrealizethatI’mactuallyhavinganokaytime.Jakehasawayofdroppinglittleobnoxioushintsabouthowrichheis—“sorichthatwhenIsweat,Idripdiamonds”—butasidefromthat,he’sactuallygotagoodsenseofhumor,andhedoesseemtobegenuinelyinterestedinme,whichisapleasantsurprise.WhatIdodoesn’tnormallyinterestmen;infact,mostmenseemtothinkthatjustbecauseI’mintheweddingindustry,thatmustmeanI’minarushtogetmarriedmyself.Thetruthis,beingintheweddingindustryisasurefirewayofmakingmenotwanttogetmarried.
ItellJakeasmuch,andhelaughs.“Maybeit’sjustthatyouhaven’tmettherightguy,”hesays.
Myheartgivesasqueeze,andmysmilewanes.It’snotthatIhaven’tmettherightguy,Iwanttotellhim.It’sthatI’vemethim,andIknowthatnooneelsecompares.ButIhavejustenoughsensenottoblurtthatout.Plus,it’sbeenfouryearssinceNathanandIsplitup,andIseriouslyneedtoforgethim.Prettysurebeinghunguponanexforfouryearscountsas,ifnotpathetic,thenatleastborderingoncreepy.
“Youmustmeetsomanybridezillas,”Jakesays.
“Actually,thebrideshavelargelybeenokay,saveforoneortwoexceptions.Surprisingly,it’sbeenthegroomswhohavebeentrickiertohandle.”
“Really?Ifindthathardtobelieve.Don’tyouoftengetbridesaskingyoutoPhotoshopthemtolookthinner,orwhatever?”
Ishrug,takinganotherswallowofchampagne.“Sure,sometimes.Butthinningdown’seasy.Knowwhat’sreallytricky?Whengroomsaskmetomakethemtaller.Icanmakethemlookmoreswole,butheightisarealpaintoedit.”Uh-oh,I’mstrayingtooclosetorantingaboutmyfavoritesubject:groomzillas.Therearejustsomanyofthem,butforsomereason,bridesgetallthebadrep.“Whataboutyou?Youmustdealwithdifficultcustomersalotofthetime.”
“Nah,I’vegotpeopletodealwiththemforme.That’swhywe’vegotawholecustomerserviceteam,youknow?”Helaughsagain.It’sstartingtograteonme.Idrinkmorechampagne.
Bythetimewe’redonewiththemeal,I’mtipsyenoughtoknowthatIprobablyshouldn’tdrivehome.“I’mgonnacallaLyft,”Itellhim,takingmyphoneoutandnoticing,withsomedismay,thatthebatteryisat4percent.
“What?No.Letmedriveyou.Givemeyourkeys.”
“That’sokay,really.I’lltakeaLyftandthencomebackformycarinthemorning.”
“Theparkingstructureopensateighta.m.Didn’tyousayyouneedtobeattheharborbyeight-thirtytomorrow?Youwon’tmakeitintime.”
Icurseundermybreath.He’sright.Ineedmycarearlytomorrowmorning.Damnit,self!Why’dyouhavetogoandgetalltipsy?“Butwhataboutyou?Don’tyouneedyourcarinthemorning?Idon’twanteverythingtocomescreechingtoahaltbecauseI’vemadeyoulate.”
“IhaveothercarsIcandrive,andthehotelshouldberunningsmoothlyenoughbynownottofallapartjustbecauseI’macoupleofhourslate.Infact,youprobablywon’tseemuchofmetomorrow.I’llbemostlyworkingbehindthescenes,”heanswerseasily,holdingouthishand.Ican’tseeawayoutofthis.IfIkeeprefusinghisoffer,he’sboundtogetoffended,andthentheregoesourbigweddingweekend.Imean,onewouldhopethathe’sprofessionalenoughnottoletabaddategetinthewayofbusiness,butcanIreallyriskmyfamily’sbiggestweddingoftheyear?Andanyway,it’sjustadrivehome.It’sreallynotabigdeal.IlivewithMa,soifhetriestoweaselhiswayinside,Icanalwaysuseherasanexcuse.
AsIfumbleformycarkeys,myhandbrushesagainsttheheavyTaserthatIcarryeverywhere.IreallyshouldstoptakingiteverywhereIgo;it’sheavy,it’scumbersome,anditprobablymakesmeseemlikeaparanoididiot.Still,asIhandoverthekeystomySubaru,Ican’thelpfeelinggladthatIhavethatTaser.Andthen,ofcourse,Ifeelsillyforfeelingrelieved.
Jakeputshishandonmylowerbackaswewalkacrosstheparkinglot,whichseemsawfullyforward,butagain,Idon’tfeelcomfortableenoughtotellhimtostop.Whenwegetinsidethecarandclosethedoors,thesilenceissuddenlyallIcanthinkabout.Icanheareverynoisewemake—eachinhaleandexhaleandevenmyownheartbeat.ThenJaketurnsontheengineandMaroon5spillsoutofthespeakers.Irelaxalittle.Hegivesmeareassuringsmileasheadjuststhemirrors.Ismileback.Thisisokay.I’llbehomebeforeIknowit,andtomorrowwhenweseeeachother,we’llbefriendlyandpleasantandtotallyprofessional.Everything’sfiiine.
“Sothatwasfun,huh?”hesays,ashedrivesoutoftheparkinglotintothedarkenedstreet.It’slate,andthoughwe’reonthemainroad,therearehardlyanycarsabout.Heglancesatme,andInod.
“Yeah,super-fun.”Super-fun?WhatamI,fifteen?“Ihadagoodtime,”Iadd.That’sstretchingitalittle,butIguessIdidn’thaveabadtime,so.
“Metoo.You’reagreatgal,Meddy.”Hegivesmeawink,andthen—ohdeargod—hereachesoverandrestshishandonmyknee.
Ishift,pullingaway,buthishandremainsthere,itsheatradiatingupmythigh.Comeon,dude,that’stheuniversalsignforTakeyourgoddamnhandoffmyleg!Okay,Ican’t.Icannotwiththis.Notevenforthefamilybusiness.Sorry,Maandaunties.Heartracing,Igentlypushhishandoffmyleg,asifit’sahamsterIneedtohandlewithcare.Heglancesatmeandgrins.
“Soyouwannaplayitlikethat,huh?”
Asickfeelingbubblesupinmystomach.“Um.”Thinkfast,Meddy.“IthinkI’mfeelingokaynow.YoucanjuststoprighthereandI’lldrivetherestofthewaybackmyself.”
Hepoutsatme.“Andleavemestrandedinthemiddleofnowhere?”
“Um.I’llcallyouaLyft,waitherewithyouuntilitarrives.Ireallydon’twanttotroubleyou,andtomorrow’sgoingtobesuchalongdayforthebothofus—”
Helaughs.“God,you’resweet.”Thewayhesaysitdoesn’tsoundatalllikeacompliment.Itsoundsdirty,asifhe’stalkingaboutanoverripepeachhecan’twaittosinkhisteethinto.Heturnsdownasidestreet,andit’sasifwe’veleftthecityofL.A.behind.Everythingisdarkdownhere,eventhetreeslookmenacing,andthere’snotasinglecarorpersoninsight.
“Stopthecar,”Isay,myvoicecomingouttightwithfear.“Stoprightnow!”
Instead,hespeedsup.Iscrambleforthedoor,butit’slocked,andeveninmypanic,Iknowwe’regoingwaytoofastformetotakethejump.Atbest,I’dbreakanarm.Atworst,I’ddie.
Ohgod.
Thesickeningrealizationhitsme.Imightactuallydietonight.Bilerushesupmyesophagus.Ican’ttellhowlongIsitthere,frozen,whilewespeedevenfartherawayfromcivilization.Inolongerrecognizemysurroundings.Outside,thereareonlywhatlooklikeabandonedfactories.Thereisnoonetosaveme.
“Calmdown,Meds.Hey,c’mon,we’rejusthavingfun,right?”Heglancesatmeandactuallysmiles.“Don’tbesuchatease;Iknowyou’renotshy.Thosetextsyousentme,Iknowyou’readirtygirldeepdowninside.SoI’lltellyouhowthisgoes.We’regonnafindanicespot,andgetrealcozy—”
TheTaserdartsshootoutandhithimrightintheneck.Jakejerkslikeadoll.Thecarswervestotheside.Iopenmymouthtoscream.Darkness.4
JuniorYear,SixYearsAgo
“Thisisunreal,”IbreatheoutasIgazeouttheairplanewindow.
“Yeah.”
Ilookdownatmyhand,nestledinNathan’s.Itlookssotinyinhispaw.Hegivesitasqueeze,andwesmileateachother.Holyshit,I’mactuallydoingthis.Inabouttenhours,we’llbelandingatLondonHeathrowairport,wherewe’llbegreetedbyhisparents.Ohmygod.Icannot.
“Stopfreakingout.”
“I’mnot.”
“Okay,tellyourfacetostopfreakingout.”
Iforceasmile,whichcomesoutasagrimace.
“Thatisofficiallytheweirdestsmileinthehistoryofsmiles,”hesays,leaningovertokissme.“Mmm,IloveitwhenIkissyourteeth.”
Thatgetsalaughoutofme,whichmakesmefeelatinybitbetter.Butnotmuch.BecauseholySHITBALLS,man!I’monaplanewithNathan!Onthewaytomeethisfamily!ForChristmas!InEngland!Whatisthislife?
“Hey,howcomeyoudon’thaveanEnglishaccent?”Ineverthoughtofit,butnowthatwe’reactuallyonourwaytoLondon,itstrikesmethatNathansoundsaboutasAmericanasitgets.
“It’sbecausemyparentsmovedaroundalotwhenIwaslittle,soIwasalwaysputintointernationalschools.EveninEngland,theyputmeinaninternationalschool.Easiertotransfermygradesthatway.DoyouwantmetosoundEnglish?OicantalkBrit-ishforyou,luv.”
“Ohgod.Okay,youcan’tcarryitoff.”Ishudder,andhelaughs.
“Bytheway,IgotSelenathoseAirPodsshe’sbeenlustingafterforChristmas.Signeditfromyouandme.”
Igapeathim.“Really?That’ssogenerous.”I’dgivenheranassortmentofmoisturizersfromBathandBodyWorks
“Well,yeah,noneofthiswould’vebeenpossiblewithoutherhelp.”
“True.”Overthelasttwoyears,Selenahascomehomewithmeonmanyweekends.She’sahitwithmyfamily;myauntstellhershe’sthedaughtertheywishtheyhad(which—hello,whataboutme?Butwhatever),andMatellshershe’sthesistershewishedIhad,whichIhavetoagreewith.AndwhenNathaninvitedmetohishomeforChristmas,Selenagavemethebestgiftanyonecouldcomeupwith.She’dtoldMashewantedmetocomebackwithhertoNorthernCaliforniaforChristmas,andMahadagreedwithouthesitation,sincemyfamilydoesn’tcelebrateChristmasanyway.
Nathantakesouthistabletfromhisbackpackandsetsituponourtraytable.“IdownloadedImmortalsfortheflight.”
“Ooh,youareagodsend,NathanChan.”
“IfiguredshotsofatoplessHenryCavillwouldhelptakeyourmindoffmeetingmyfolks.”
Irollmyeyes.“ThereiswaytoomuchboobageinImmortalsforyoutoactallselfless.”
“True.”Helaughs,thenleansinandlowershisvoice.“Butyoursaremyfavorite.”
Ismackhisarm,buthonestly,I’msortofgrinningatthat.HepullsmeclosersoIcanrestmyheadonhisshoulderandwesettledowntowatchthemovie.Atsomepoint,webothfallasleep.Whentheairattendantwakesusuphourslater,Ifindtomyimmensehorrorthatmyheadisstuckataweirdangle.
“Oh,no.No,no.”Itrytoturnit,butpainshootsdownmyspine,andIsqueak.
Nathanstretches,yawning.“What’sup,funsize?”
“Ifellasleepbadly,andnowmyneck’srefusingtoturn.”
Hestaresatmefortwobeatsbeforeburstingoutlaughing.“Areyousecretlyaninety-year-oldwoman?”
“Don’tinsultme,kid.I’monlyeighty-seven.Ugh.Ican’tmeetyourparentslikethis!”Igesturewildlyatmyslantedhead.
“Calmdown.Comehere.”Nathanplacesahandonthebackofmyneckandbeginstomassageit.
“Ow,ooh,ah.”Isitpainfulorisitgoodashell?Ican’tdecide.
“Stoptwitching.”
“Pleaseputonyourseatbeltsandfaceforward,”anairattendantremindsuswithapointedlook.
Wedoaswe’retold.DespiteNathan’sbestefforts,myhead’sstillstuckatanangle.Wheneverthishappens,IusuallyhavetowaituntilIcansleepitoffbeforeIregainnormalflexibilityinmyneck.So.Ireallyamgoingtomeethisparentswithaslantedhead.Okay,that’stotallyfine.Iamnotatallfreakingoutaboutthat.
Oncewegetofftheplane,Nathantriesagaintomassagesomemovementbackintomyneckandshoulders,thenhesays,“Well,this’llbefun.”HelaughswhenIhithim,catchingmyfistandkissingit.“It’ssocutewhenyouhitmewithyourteeny-weenyhand.It’llbeokay.Theyaregoingtoloveyousomuchtheywon’tletyougobacktotheStates.”
And,despitethecrookedneck,he’sright.
Assoonaswegetourbagsandgointothearrivalshall,there’sashoutandsuddenlyhisparentsarerightthere.Hismom,abeautifultallblonde,givesmeaquickhug,andhisdad,anAsianmanwholookslikewhatIimagineNathanwilllooklikethirtyyearsdowntheroad,givesmeoneofthoseawkwardhugsthatmymomandauntsoftendo.
“Oh,it’slovelytohaveyoutwohere,”hismomsays.
“Hi,Mrs.Chan.”
Shepooh-poohsatme.“CallmeAnnie,noneofthatMrs.Chanbusiness.Andthat’sChris.”ShepointsatNathan’sdad,whosmilesatme.
“Alrightthen,son?”Chrissays.
“Alright,Dad.”
Huh.NathandoesspeakBritishafterall.
Whenwewalkoutside,Igaspatthesharp,unforgivingcold,whichslicesrightthroughmyhoodie.Nathantakesoutajackethe’sbroughtforme,whichisaboutthreesizestoobigbutisdelightfullywarmandsmellsofhim.
ThedrivefromHeathrowtoOxfordtakesalmosttwohours,andbythetimewegetoffthefreeway—ormotorway,asit’scalledhere—I’mexhausted.ThoughChrisandAnnieareperfectlypleasant,they’resodifferentfromMaandmyauntsthatI’mconstantlyonedge,desperatetomakethebestimpressionpossible.Conversationwiththemissomewhatstilted,andIwonderifthisiswhatallEnglishfamiliesarelike,iftheyallusewordslike“lovely”and“delightful”insteadofshoutingandflappinglikemyfamilydoes.
ItonlycementsthedecisionI’vemadeaboutkeepingNathanfrommyfamilyforaslongashumanlypossible.Whichisgettingtougherandtoughertopulloff.NathanwantstomeetMa.Andallmyaunties.It’sabitofasorespotinourotherwiseperfectrelationship.I’msoworriedthathethinksIhaven’tintroducedhimtomyfamilybecauseI’mashamedofhim.Whydon’tItakehimhomewithmeoneweekend?he’dask.They’dbedelighted,theywould.Andtheywould,iftheyknewabouthim.
But.
It’snotevenjustthestarkdifferencesinourfamiliesthat’sholdingmebackfromtakinghimhome.Mywholelife,I’vefollowedallofMa’srules.IevenchosetostayinL.A.forher.IloveMa,butIalsowanttobeseparatefromher.Eventhinkingitmakesmewince;itfeelssomuchlikeabetrayal.ButIdo.I’mahorrible,selfishperson,andIknowIneedtokeepthatpartofmeburied.Iknowthataftercollege,I’llhavetogobackhome,bewithMa.Andfornow,IjustwantNathanalltomyself.IwanttokeephimasseparateasIcanfromMaandmyaunts.Ifthat’sselfish,thenletmebeselfish,justfornow,justuntilwegraduate.Idon’twanthimtobeswallowedupbymyloud,overbearingfamily.Idon’twanthimtoseemethewayIamwiththem—quietandbenign.Iwanthimtoseetherealme—theoneoncampus,whereIcanreallybemyself,freeandsarcasticandsharp.Achallengeinsteadofashadow.Then,ofcourse,there’sthecurse.Whatiftakinghimhomemeansitfindsmeevensoonerthanithadfoundmymomandaunts?I’vetriedexplainingmyreasoningforkeepinghimawayfrommyfamily,buteachtimeIjustendupverballyflailing,andthentheconversationendswithhimhurtanddisappointed.
Hisparents’houseisworthyofaninteriordesignmagazine.Infact,ithasbeenfeaturedinHome&Gardenmagazine,Nathantellsmewhenmymouthdropsopenoncewewalkinside.
Nathantakesmeuptohisbedroom,andIgapeathowtidyandtastefuleverythingis.Ithasanavybluecolorscheme,andIcanimaginewhataneatkidhemust’vebeenbecauseeverythingisinitsplace.IthinkbacktomyownroombackinSanGabrielandhow,justlastweekend,I’dfoundaforgottencoffeemugthathadactualmushroomsgrowinginit.Notevenmoldbutlikefull-grownmushrooms,withstalksandheadsandeverything.
“Sothisismychildhoodhome,andthat’smyfamily,”Nathansays,droppingourbagsonthecarpetedfloor.“Youokay?I’msorry,Iknowtheycanbeabitmuch.”
“Areyoukidding?They’reamazing.Andyourhouseisamazing.”Notatalllikemine,Iwanttosay,butIdon’t,becausehonestly,I’membarrassed.Maandmyauntsarepracticallyhoarders.Theysayithastodowithgrowinguppoor.Thebathroom,forexample,hasnofewerthantwenty-sevenbottlesoffacecream.Iknow,IcountedthemwhenIwasfifteen,andthepilehasn’tmovedinthelastfiveyears.They’reallalmostempty.WhenIaskedMawhyshedoesn’tthrowthemaway,shesays,“MaybeonedayIneed,thenhow?”Iguessagrowerofmushroomsincoffeecupsisnotonetojudge.
Nathanwrapshishandsaroundmywaist,hisfingersbrushingunderneathmyshirt.Ishiverwhenhetouchesmyskin.“Hey,noneofthat,notrightnow.Yourparentsarerightbelowus,”Iscold,smackinghisarm.
Hegrinsandkissesme.“I’mnotdoinganything,”hesays,inbetweenkisses.“Ijustlovetouchingyouhere.”Hishandssplayacrossmyback,andImeltagainsthim.
“You’vegotyourhornyfaceon,”Isay.
“Whatdoesmyhornyfacelooklike?”
Ileanbackandtrytoimitateit,andNathanburstsoutlaughing.
“Seriously?Ifmyhornyfacelookslikethat,whydidyoueverstartsleepingwithme?”
“Outofpity.”ThenIsquealashecatchesmeandflingsmeoveroneshoulderasthoughI’masackofpotatoes.“Don’tmakemefartwhilemybutt’srightnexttoyourface!”
“Idareyouto.”Nathanlaughs,butthenhelowersmegentlyontohisbedandkissesmeagain,thistimeslowanddeep.Bythetimehestops,I’moutofbreathandachingforhim.Hepresseshisforeheadagainstmine.“I’msogladyou’rehere.”
“Metoo.”
Ibitemylipagainstmysmile,thengaspashestartssuckinglightlyatmyneck.Maybeit’sbecausewewerefriendsbeforewestartedseeingeachother.Whateveritis,NathanseemstoknowexactlywhatIwantandhowIwantit.Everytouchisaddicting,thesmellofhimintoxicating.It’sweird,findingoutthatwe’renotjustcompatibleasfriends.Shirtsareflungoff,jeanstuggeddown,andsoonwe’reinourunderwear,andthetouchofhisskinagainstmineissogoodmyentirebodyisblushing.We’vedonethisprobablyclosetoahundredtimesbynow,butstill,whenNathantakesoffmybra,hedoessowithreverence,hisbreathcomingoutslowandsweetasmybreastsarelaidbarebeforehim.
Asalways,Ihavetofighttheinstincttocoverthem,butNathanissogentle,bendingdowntokissmyjawline,myneck,mychest,beforehismouthfindsmynippleandIamlost.Iforgeteverything—thecurse,myMaandaunts,evenmyownname.Iburymyfingersinhishair,andthere’sjustmeandNathan.EverythingNathan.Nathan’smouth,Nathan’sfingers,Nathan’sbody.Thefirsttimewasabitawkwardandlastedalloffourminutes.Butbynowwe’vefoundarhythmthatdrivesallthoughtfrommyheadandturnsmeintoabeingofneed.Andwhenoureyesmeet,neitherofuslooksawayuntiltheverylastgasp.
Later,lyinginbednexttohim,Irealizesomething.We’vebeentogetherforalmosttwoyearsnow,andhe’sthefirstoneItelleverythingto—whenIgetmypapersback,whenwe’reassignedterriblecoursework,whentheleaderofthephotographyclubsaysanythingdumb,whichisallthetime.Andhedoesthesame,tellingmeeveryinterestingdetailabouthiseconclasses,sharinghiswildestdreamsofowningafancyhotelinthefuture,eventellingmehowmuchweighthe’sdoingatthegym.Iguessthelastone’shimshowingoff,butIdon’tmind.IlikethatNathanwantstoimpressme,becauseIwanttoimpresshimtoo.Andhedoesimpressme.Evenaftertwoyears,whichinvolvesalotoffartingandembarrassingbedroomstuff(queefs,anyone?),IstillfindNathanimpressiveashell.Ilovehim.Iwantalifewithhim.
Tohellwiththefamilycurse.Itdoesn’tmatter.I’minOxford,England.Thisiswherecursesgotodie.Ialmostlaughoutloudatthethought.Ihaven’treallystoppedtothinkabouthowmuchhalf-believinginthecursehasweighedmedown,butnowIrealizethatI’vealwaysfeltitlurkingbehindmyback,feltitgivingmeanexpirationdate.Butit’sstupid.Whydamntherelationshipwhenthere’snothingwrongwithit?Imakeachoice.
WhenIgethome,I’mgoingtotellMaaboutNathan.I’lltellhereverything.I’lleventellmyaunts.I’lltellthemalloverSundaydimsum,sincethey’realwayshappywhenthey’reeatingdimsum.That’llgooverwell.5
PresentDay
“Fuuuck.”
Pain.Somuchofit,itlurchesfromdeepinmybones,squeezingmychestwitharedfist,andtheniteruptsoutofmeinamoan,andthesoundofmyvoice,sohoarsewithpainit’salien,bringsmeback.Iblink.Blinkagain.
Right.I’minmycar.NotinEnglandwithNathan.Mycar.
Lightflashesattheedgeofmyvision.It’smyturnsignal,whichismakinganinfernalclickingnoise.Ireachouttoturnitoff,andthemovementmakespainburstthroughmychest.
“Jesus—”
Withonelastheroictry,Imanagetohittheturnsignalswitch.Sweet,blessedsilence.Iglancedown,notdaringtoturnmyheadtoomuch.Myseatbelt’sdiggingintomychest.Withaswallow,Ipushmyselfbackslightly,stillunsurewhat’sbrokenandwhatisn’t.Movingbackmakesthecrushingsensationaroundmychesteasealittle.Itakeasmallbreath,thenanother,abiggerone.Ithurts,butnottoomuch.Ribsbruised,notbroken.Ireleaseashudderinglaugh.Unbelievable.I’mokay.I’m—
Iturnandbarelystifletheshriekclawingitswayupmythroat.
Jake!
“Ohgod,”Imoan.“Jake—”Myvoicecatches.Everyquestionthatpopsintomyheadseemssostupid,sounnecessary.Areyouokay?It’sobvioushe’snot,notwhenhe’slyingagainstthedashboardlikethat.Areyou…dead?Imoanagain.Ohmygod.Ithinkheis.There’sbloodtricklingoutofhisgoddamnear,downhisneck,stainingthecollarofhisshirt.Somehow,it’sthatsmalldetail,thegrowingstainofbloodonhiswhitepolo,thatreallyhitshome.He’sdead.Ikilledhim.
Mypanicked,gulpingbreathsfillthesilentcar.Ilookaroundwildly.“Help,”Iwhisper.Butthere’snooneinsight.Thestreetisdeserted.Idon’tevenknowwhereweare.Ihitmyseatbeltlock,wrenchthedooropen,andlurchoutofthecar,barelymakingitoutontothepavementbeforemydinnercomesbackout.
There’sadeadmaninmycar.
Aman.Dead.Inthedriver’sseatofmySubaru.Thisisnotatallon-brandforSubaru.Subarusaren’tkillers’cars.JeepWranglersare.Or,um,whoevermakesthosewindowlesswhitevans.Whomakesthose,anyway?Imean,thosearecreepyAF—
Focus!
Asobwarblesout.No.Ican’taffordtofreakoutrightnow.IfIstartcrying,I’mnevergoingtostop.WhatdoIdo?
Cops.
Yeah.911.Right.
Iopenthebackseatandreachinside,shieldingmygazefromJake’sbody,focusonfindingmypurse—thereitis.Cellphone.NothinghappenswhenIhitthepowerbutton.Imoan.No,please.Outofpower.IinhaleshakilyandreachforJake’spocket.Maybehisphone’sinthere.MyteethgritsohardwhenthetipsofmyfingersbrushagainsthispantsthatIalmostcrackmymolars.
Empty.
Thethoughtofgropingabouthispantsforhisphoneisnauseating.
Okay.Thisisfine.Thisistotallyandutterlyokay.I’lljust…I’llwaithereuntilacardrivesby.
Except.Exceptgodknowshowlongwe’vebeenhere,andnoone’sdrivenpast.Therearenohousesorconveniencestoresoranythingthatmightcontainhumanlifearoundme.Thefactorieslookliketheyhaven’tbeenusedinyears;manyofthewindowsarebrokenandthey’recompletelysilent.Ican’twaitheremuchlonger.Ican’tstandit.Iglancebackatthecar.Incredibly,despitehavingcrashedintoatree,itlookslargelyokay.Thehood’sdented,obviously,andthere’salargecrackrunninguponesideofthewindshield,butasidefromthat,itlooks…drivable.
“No,”Imuttertomyself.Ican’tpossiblydriveit.Notleastbecausethereisadeadguyinthedriver’sseat.
Thenmovehim.
Mywholebodyrecoilsatthethoughtoftouchinghimagain.Butmymindislikeacagedwildanimal,throwingitselfagainstthebarsandhissing.Ineedtogetoutofhere.Ican’tstayhereanotherminute,hopingforsomeonetodriveby,hopingthey’dbeniceenoughtostop.
Gulpinginshallowgaspsofair,Iopenthedoortothedriver’sside,yelpingwhenJake’sbodyslumpsontothepavement.Ohgod,Iwasdefinitelynotexpectingthattohappen.Hangon.Ishouldcheckforapulse.OrshouldI?He’ssoclearlydead.Yes,yes,Ishould.Whimperingslightly,Ipressatremblingfingeragainsthiswrist.ImanagetokeepitthereforalloftwosecondsbeforeIyankmyhandbackandwipeitfuriouslyonmyshirt.Dead.Verydead.Itakeanotherdeepbreath,fanningatmyface,tryingtoputouttheflamesinmycheeks,thenIreachoutandgrabJake’sarms.
They’restillwarm.Argh.Somehow,thatmakesitsomuchworse.Bilerushesup,butIgritmyteethandpullhard.Thankstomyjob,I’vehadtoworkoutreligiously—carryingmytwoheavycamerasplusallthoselensesfortenhoursstraightishellonmybackandshoulders,soIdoeverythingpossibletoincreasemystrengthandendurance.IevensplurgeonaweeklysessionwithDinah,thebestpersonaltrainerthatmygymhastooffer.WhichmeanswhenIpull,Jake’sbodyactuallymoves,surprisinglyeasily.Dinahwouldbeproud.
Okay,DinahwoulddefinitelynotbeproudofthefactthatIcanmovea180-poundmanwhomI’vekilled.AndwhyamIeventhinkingofDinahrightnow?Because—mymindarguesasIyankJakeacrossthepavement,tothebackofthecar—becauseyouneedtothinkofanythingandeverythingelsethatisn’t,“Holyshit,I’mmovingadeadbody!”
Holyshit,I’mmovingadeadbody.
Where?WheredoImovehimto?Ican’tleavehimhere.That’swaytoocruel.ButIcan’tstomachthethoughtofhavingit—him—inthebackseatofthecarwhileI’mdriving.Ieyethetrunk.Okay.Trunkitis.
Asanafterthought,ItakeahoodiethatIkeepinthebackseatanddrapeitoverhisface.Jakewasanassholewhenhewasalive,butnowthathe’sdead,Ifeelaninexplicableneedtotreathimwithrespect.I’mgoingtoneedsomuchtherapytounpackallofthis.
OnceIslamthetrunkshutandJake’soutofsight,Ifeelsomewhatbetter.Moreincontrol.Incontrol?WhoamIkidding?Ihavealiteralcorpseinmycar.Ishakemyhead.Let’snotdwellonthat.Shudderingtomyself,Islidebackintothecar.Please,start,please—
TheenginerumblestolifeassoonasIturnthekey.Mybreathreleasesinawhoosh,andItakeamomenttocalmdown.Ortryto,anyway.I’lljustdriveuntilIfindapayphone,andthenI’llcall911.Right.
Ibackoutslowly,wincingatthescrapingsoundmybumpermakesalongtheroad.MaybeIshouldgetoutandtrytofixthat,butno.Ireallycan’tstomachanothersecondatthiscursedspot.Mybreathisstillcomingoutinshallow,panickedgaspsasIdrivealongtheroad,andthebrighterthestreetsbecome,themorepanickyIfeel.Thisisnuts.WhathaveIdone?I’veputabodyinthetrunkofmycar.WhatwouldthecopssaywhenIcalledthem?WhatwouldIevensay?WhythehelldidIdothat?Whatkindofsanepersonwoulddothat?
Questionafterquestionassaultsmyminduntilascreamripsoutofme,andinthatinstant,Irealize:Ican’tgotothecops.They’llthinkI’mguiltyofmurder,thatI’msomecrazedkiller,andthey’llarrestme.
There’sagasstationinthedistance.Thisismychance.Icanstopthere,rushinside,andbegforhelp.Butmyfootpressesdownonthegaspedal,refusingtoletup,andIzoomrightpastit.It’sasthoughmysubconscioushasgottenholdofmybodyandisforcingittokeepdriving,notlookingback,untilIhittheentrancetothe405.Itakeit,heartdrummingpainfullyatthefamiliarroadsign,headthrobbingasIjointhetrafficzoomingdownthefreeway.I’mdrivingdownthe405withadeadbodyinmytrunk.Ahystericallaughbubblesout.Itsoundscracked,slightlymad.TearsspringintomyeyeswhenIseethesignforthe10.Soclosetohome.Tosafety.Alumpcatchesinmythroat.Forthefirsttimeinyears,Ican’twaittogethometoMa.6
JuniorYear,SixYearsAgo
Thestageisset.Bystage,ImeanourtableisgroaningundertheweightofallthedimsumdishesstackedinthemiddleandI’vepouredtheteaforeveryone,andnow,allIneedtodois…tellthem.Justblurtitout,Meddy.Justdoit.Dothething!
“Um,so—”
“Wehaveabigannouncement!”MasaysinMandarin.Hereyesarealltwinkly.Seriously,they’relikeChristmaslights.Sheclapslikeanexcitedchild.
“Oh?”Isitback,hearthammeringfromalmostwordvomitingaboutNathan.Calmdown,heart.I’lltryagainaftertheirbigannouncement.
ManodsatBigAunt,whostraightensupregally.Sheclearsherthroat.“Wehavedecidedtomakeafamilybusiness.”
“Um.Okay…wow.That’shuge.”Mymindswims.Whatbusinesscouldtheypossiblyputtogether?
“Allofus,”BigAuntsays,andforonce,SecondAuntdoesn’tcontradicther.They’reallsmilingandlookingatme.
“Okay…”Whyaretheylookingatmelikethat?Dreadcreepsupmystomach.Ohmygod,thisiswheretheytellmethey’veusedthehouseascollateralagainsttheloansthey’vetakenoutforthismysterybusiness.Ormaybethebusinessisdealingcoke.Orhumantrafficking.Wow,Ihavealowopinionofmyfamily.“What’sthebusiness?”Isay,whenIcan’ttaketheanticipationanylonger.
“Weddings!”FourthAuntshouts,throwingherhandsupwithaflourish.BigAuntfrownsather.
“IwasabouttotellMeddythat,”BigAuntscolds.
“Sorry,”FourthAuntsays,notlookingsorryintheleast.
“Weddings?”Ifrown.
“Yes,”BigAuntsays.“I’lldotheweddingcakes.Ialreadydobigbirthdaycakes,verygoodones.”
Inodslowly,thinkingofBigAunt’stoweringbirthdaycakes.Shedoesdogoodcakes,there’snodenyingthat.Buttheothers…
“I’lldomakeupandhairforbride,”SecondAuntsays.“Ihavesomanyloyalcustomersatthesalon.IfIquit,they’llallfollowme.”
“I’lldotheflowerbouquetsandflowerarranging,”Masays.
“AndI’lldotheentertainment!”FourthAuntfinishes.“IhavesomanyfansintheAsiancommunity,youknow.Nodoubtthey’llallwanttohiremeasaweddingsinger.”
Marollshereyesandsaysinaloudwhisper,“She’sjusttaggingalong.She’sfamily,sowehavetogiveherajob.”
“Saystheminimumwagesupermarketworker,”FourthAuntmutters.
ThetwoofthemglareateachotheruntilBigAuntsnapsherfingersbetweenthemandsays,“AndMeddy,sweetMeddy.”Alleyesturntome.Ishrinkbackinmychair.
“Yeah?”Isqueak.
“You’llbethephotographer.”
Thebreathisknockedoutofme.IguessIshould’veseenitcoming.Ofcoursethey’dwantmetobetheirphotographer.Itmakessense;Iamstudyingphotography,afterall.Butstill.
“Um.Ineedaminute.”IleapoutofmychairandweavethroughthecrowduntilI’moutsidetherestaurant.Igulpinafewdeepbreathsandtrytomaketheswirlingthoughtsinmyheadlessswirly.I’mupset,butIdon’treallyknowwhy.Iguessthere’sthatpartofmethat’sfightingbackandyelling,“Don’tIgettochoosewhattodowithmydegree?”ButthenwhenIactuallystopandthinkaboutit,Iliketheideaofdoingweddingphotography.IguessI’mmostlyrailingagainstthefactthatthey’veallmadethisdecisionwithoutme.Whichisstupid,right?Ishouldn’tfeelangrythatthey’vemadeagooddecision.Anditisagooddecision;they’reright,theycandoallthosethings.Ma’sflowerarrangementsaregorgeous.BigAuntiswastedonbirthdays,andSecondAuntdoeshavealoyalfollowingatthesalon.AsforFourthAunt,well,shethinksshe’sacelebrity,andshedoeshaveadecentvoice.Wecouldmakeitwork.
AndassoonasIthinkthat,tendrilsofexcitementunfurlinsideme.Wecoulddothis.Thiscouldbemyfamily’swayoutofthecrappylittlehousewe’reallcrampedin.
Thedoortotherestaurantopens,noisespillingout.Mabrightenswhenshespotsme.
“Aiya,whydidyoucomeoutside?Iwaslookingforyouinthebathroom,butyouweren’tthere.”Shepeersatmeandfrowns.Shemust’vesensedthatI’mhavingAMoment,becausesheswitchesfromIndonesiantoEnglish.“Youokay?Whysosad?”ThefactthatsheswitchestoEnglish,despitehernotbeingfluentinit,makesmystomachclenchwithguilt.She’salreadysacrificedsomuchformysake,andIcan’tevencommunicatewithherinhermothertongue.
Iforceasmile.“I’mnotsad.I’mjusttryingtodigestthiswholefamilybusinessthing.”
“Ah,yes.Verybigdeal.Butifyounotinterested,it’sokay.Wedon’tneedphotographer.”
Istareather.“Butinside,youguyswerelike,‘Meddy,youshouldbeourphotographer.’”
“Yes,ofcoursewewantyoutobeourphotographer.Youarethebestphotographer.”
Ilaughbitterly.“Ma,youdon’tknowthat.I’matotalnewbie.I’dprobablymakeamessofeverything.”
“It’sokay,weareallnewbabies.Westartslow.Youdothatthing,whatisitcalled?Spiritanotherphotographer?”
“Shadow.”
“Ah,yes.Youbecomeashadowtoweddingphotographer,youlearnfirst,thenwhenyougraduate,youcandothis.Butifyouthink,no,Idon’tlikethisweddingphotography,thennoneedtojoinfamilybusiness,itisokay.”
Itakeherhandsinmine.It’shardforhertotellmeit’sokay,thatIdon’thavetojointhem,becauseIcanseeplainlyhowexcitedsheisabouttheideaofusallworkingtogether.“I’lldoit,Ma.”
“Really?”Shelookssohappyitbreaksmyheart.
“Yeah,ofcourse.I’lllookintoweddingphotography.Iwanttodothiswithyou.”
“Aduh,sayangku.”Mapullsmeintoahug.It’snotastightastheonesNathan’sfamilygives,butit’ssweetinitsownway.“Youmakeyourmamasohappy.”
Ihugherbackandclosemyeyes.IguessI’lltellthemaboutNathansomeothertime.7
PresentDay
Isitinthegarageforwhatseemslikehours,wonderingjusthowthehellmylifehasspunsooutofcontrol.AndwhatintheworldamIevendoinghere?WhyamIhome,insteadofatthepolicestation?Itmightnotbetoolate.Icouldprobablystillgotothecops,explaineverything.They’dbesympathetic,maybe.ButwhenIthinkaboutturningtheenginebackonanddrivingoutofthegarageagain,everydropofenergyleaksoutofme.Islumpagainstthewheel,boneless.Ijustneedtostayhereforabit.Gatherenoughcourage.DecidewhatIwouldsaytothepolice.
There’sasharpknockonthewindow.IjumpsohardIbumpmyheadontheroofofthecar.NowIknowwhatthesaying“jumpedoutoftheirskin”means.
“Whatareyoudoinginthere?Youdrunk?Aduh,wereyoudrunkdriving?”MacallsoutinIndonesian,hervoicemuffledthroughthewindow.
Iopenthecardoor,heartthundering.“Ma,youscaredme!”
Shefrownsatme.“Whatisit,Meddy?What’swrong?”
Iwasn’tplanningontellingheranything.OfcourseIwasn’t—thelastpersonIwanttotellisMa.Shewouldn’tknowwhattodo,orsay,or—
“Ma,Ikilledhim.”TearsspringintomyeyeswhenIhearmyselfsaythosewordsoutloud.Ikilledhim.HowmanymoretimeswouldIhavetosaythat?
“Killhim?Killwhat?Aduh,Meddy,howmanytimesmustItellyou,don’tdrinksomuch.Yousee,nowyou’renotmakinganysense.”
“Ikilledhim,Ma.Jake.Theguyyousetmeupwith!”Andnow,finally,Iletthetearsflow,becausesayinghisnameisawful.It’snotjustsomebodyinmytrunk;it’sabodywhousedtobeasomeone.
Mastopshernatteringmid-sentence.Hermouthclapsshut,andshestaresatmeforawhile.Whenshenextspeaks,it’sinhaltingEnglish.“ThisislikewhatyouandSelenaliketosay?Youkidsalwayssaying,‘Wah,youkillingit!’Likethat,ya?”
“No!”Icry.“ImeanIliterallykilledhim,Ma!”Notknowingwhatelsetodo,Itakeoutmycarkeyandhitabutton.Thetrunkpopsopenwithaclickthatmightaswellbeagunshotinsideoursmallgarage.Allnoiseissuddenlyamplified;Icanhearmyownheartbeat,andMa’ssharpintakeofbreath.
“Meddy,”shewhispers,“thisisjoke,right?Youjustjokingwithme?”
“No,Ma,thisisn’tajoke.”
AstrangledlaughfromMa;thensheshakesherhead.“Youkids,ya,youalwaysthinkyouaresofunny.”Shewagsafingeratmeandstridestothebackofthecar,stillshakingherhead.“Mydaughter,suchajoker,so—AIYAwodetianah!”Shestumblesback,handscoveringhermouth.
Iwince.
“Meddy,”shehisses.“Meddy!Thisisnotfunny.”Shelooksbackandforthbetweenmeandthetrunk.“Arethosefakelegs?Whatyoucallit—man-ee-kween?”
Ishakemyhead,freshtearsspringingtomyeyes.“No,Ma,it’snotamannequin.It’sreallyJake,Iswear.”
Sheuttersanoisethat’ssomewherebetweenahowlandawhimper,thentakesamomenttosteelherselfbeforepeeringcloserintothetrunk.Shewhimpersagainwhensheseestherestofthebody.Iimaginewhatshe’sseeingfromhervantagepoint.Firsttheshoes—brownloafers,nosocks—thenthelegs,thetorso,andthenthehoodiecoveringhisface.
“Whyyoucovertheface?”shesays.“Somethinghorriblehappentoit,isit?”Sheshudders.“Istheresomethingstickingoutoftheeye?Aiya,don’ttellme,Idon’twanttoknow.”Sheflaps,grimacing.“Isitbrokenglassinhiseye?”
“No,Ma.There’snothingstickingoutofhiseye.Ijustthoughtitwouldbe,Idon’tknow,morerespectful.”
“Oh.”Shenods.“Yes,youright,morerespectful.”Shepatsmeonthecheek.“Iraiseyousowell.”
HysteriarisesfromdeepinmystomachandIhavetoswallowit.TrustMatotakeprideinmyetiquettewhenI’vejustshownhermydate,whomI’vekilled,inthetrunkofmycar.
“Ididjustkillaperson,soIdon’tknowthatyoucansayyou’veraisedmewell.”
“Oh,hemustdeserveit.”
Ibitemyliptokeepfromburstingintotearsagain.I’msogratefulthatIdon’thavetoexplainmyselftoher.
“Okay!”Masays,straighteningup,allofasuddenincontrol.She’snotevenbreathinghardanymore.There’saglintinhereyethatshegetstheweekbeforeChineseNewYear,whenshegoesabsolutelyberserkandcleansthehouselikeMarieKondooncrack.“You.Inside.Now.”Sheslamsthetrunkshutandherdsmethroughthebackdoorintothehouse.
Inside,shetellsmetositatthekitchencounter.Ifollowherinstructions,tooexhaustedanddefeatedtoargue.And,asmuchasIhatetoadmitit,I’mgladshe’stakingover,becauseIdon’tknowwhatthehelltodointhissituation.SoIslumpontoachair,restmyelbowsonthekitchencounter,andburymyfaceinmyhands.Pleaseletmewakeupandfindoutthatallthiswasanightmare.Anymomentnow.
Asteamingcupofteaisplacedinfrontofme.
“TCM,”Masays.“Youdrinknow.Yougottoomuch‘yang,’yourinsidesveryhot.Yourbreathsmellsobad.”Sheshufflesoutofthekitchen.
Istareatherretreatingback.TraditionalChinesemedicine,seriously?Whowouldthinkaboutbadbreathatthisparticularmoment?Still,Itakeasip,andtheherbalteaislikeanelixir,spreadingitssweetwarmththroughmyentirebody,downtomyfreezinghands.Itakeanothersip,thenanother,andbeforelong,I’vefinishedtheentirecupandactuallyfeelalittlebetter.
Mastridesbackintothekitchen.“Okay,IcallBigAuntalready.Shewillbehereinfewminutes.”
“WHAT?”Ijumpoutofmychair.“Ma,ohmygod,Ican’tbelieveyoudidthat.”
Shelooksgenuinelyconfusedforasecond,butthenherfaceclearsandshelaughs,wavingmeoff.“Oh,noworry,noworry,shesayshewillcalleveryoneelseforme,okay?Won’tjustbeBigAuntcominghere,youdon’tworry,allyourauntieswillcometoo.”
“WHAT??”Icry.Ithrowmyheadbackandstareupattheceiling.Thiscan’tbehappening.“Ma,that’snot—weshouldn’tbetellingeveryoneaboutthis!”
Mafrowns.“Noteveryone.Justyouraunties.”
“That’severyone!”
“Meddy,”shetuts,disapproving.“Theyarefamily.It’sdifferent.”
“It’smurder!”Icry.“Or,well,notmurder,it’smorelikeself-defense,butstill.Ma,there’sadeadguyinmycar.Thisisnotthekindofthingyousharewitheveryone,evenifthey’refamily.”
“It’sexactlykindofthingyousharewithfamily,”Masays.
“Whatdoyoumean,it’sexactlythekindofthingyousharewithfamily?Whatotherthingshaveyouguyssharedthatareinanywaylikethis?”
Mawavesmeoffandsays,“Come,helpmecutmangoforaunties.Ifwedon’tofferanyfoodverynggaenak.”
“Seriously,Ma?Youcareaboutsavingfacerightnow?Ithinkwe’rekindabeyondthat,aren’twe?”
Shegivesmealookasshebendsdowntoopenupthefruitdrawerinthefridge.“Meddy,howcanyousaythat?Yourauntiescomingover,solateatnight,comingtohelpusgetridofbody,andwedon’tevenofferthemanyfood?Howcan?Oh,wehavedragonfruit,good,good.BigAunt’sfavorite.Wah,gotpeartoo.Verygood.Helpmepeel,don’tbesorudetoyouraunties,youwillbringshame.”
“Oh,right,it’sthelackoffruitthat’llbringshame,notthedeadbodyinthecar.”
Butlessthanaminutelater,I’mstandingatthekitchenislandwithapeelerinonehandandaKoreanpearintheother.Mymindkeepsgoing,Bwaaa,thisissosurreal.ThereisadeadbodyinmycarandI’mstandingherepeelingfruit!Forsomereason,Icontinuepeelingandcutting.IsupposeImightaswell,sinceIdon’thaveanybetterideas.
JustasIfinishcuttingupthegiantpear,thedoorbellchimes.
“Gogetdoor,”Masays.She’sstillslicingupthelastdragonfruit.
Iheadforthefrontdoor,stillinthatweirdI-must-be-dreamingstateofmind.Idon’tevenknowwhattosaytomyaunts.ThankyouforcomingtohelpfigureoutwhattodowiththisguyIkilled?
ButI’msparedhavingtosaythat,becausethemomentIopenthedoor,BigAuntpatsmycheekandsaysinIndonesian,“MydearMeddy,it’sokay,don’tworry.Gositdown,”andthenstridespastme.SecondandFourthAuntsfollow,eachoneclucking,“Don’tworry,we’reherenow,stopcrying.”
“I’mnotcrying—”
SecondAunttuts,asthoughmylackoftearswereapersonalaffronttoher,beforejoiningtheothersinthekitchen.Noiseexplodesfromthekitchen,thoughnotofthe“Ohmygod,Meddydidwhat?”variety.Moreofthe“Wah,dragonfruit!Aduh,youshouldn’thavebothered!”variety.IcanhearMapullingoutchairsandshoutingmerrilyatthemtositdownandhavesomemangoes.“AhGuangavemeawholecratewhenhecamebackfromIndo.Awholecrate!”
Takingadeepbreath,Isteelmyselfandgointothekitchen.
“Meddy!”BigAuntshouts.
Ohgod,hereitcomes.Nowthey’llstartfreakingoutaboutthebody.
“Haveyoueaten?”BigAuntsays.“Come!Comehereandsitdown,oh,youlooksopale.”Shegetsupfromherseat.
It’sasthoughaswitchclicksoninsideme.Iautomaticallyhurryover,pushingherbackdownontothechair,saying,“Please,BigAunt,don’tbotheryourself.I’llgrabachair.Yousitandenjoythefruit,okay?CanIgetyouanythingelse?”
Fromthecornerofmyeye,IsenseMa’sapproval,anditmakesmewanttolaughoutloudandsob.Imean,seriously,I’vejustkilledaman,andshestillcaresaboutmebeingrespectfultomyelders.
BigAuntspearsaslicedmangoandtakesadaintybite.“Wah,sogood.”Shetakesanotherbiteandsighs.“NothingbeatsIndonesianmangoes.”
“Yes,Indonesianmangoesarethesweetest,”Masays.“Doesanyonewantherbaltea?IboiledapotforMeddyandIhavesomeleftover.”
“Tch,nothanks,Idon’tbelieveinthatold-fashionedTCMstuff,”FourthAuntsays.
Maglowersather.“TraditionalChinesemedicineisrealmedicine!”ShelaunchesintooneofherusualtiradesabouthowTCMhasbeenmedicallyproventoworkandismuchbetterthanWesternmedicineandsoonandsoforth.
I’mstuckinanightmare.Iknowit.MaybeIgotaconcussionfromtheaccident.MaybeI’mactuallyinacoma,andmycoma-brainiscomingupwiththisweird-assscenario,becausethereisnowaythatI’mactuallysittinghere,inthekitchen,watchingmyoldestauntieseatamangoandMaandFourthAuntarguewhileJakeliescoolinginthetrunkofmycar.JustwhenI’mabouttoscream,BigAuntputsdownherforkwithameaningfulclatter.
Everyonesitstoattention.
“So,”shesays,turningtomeandswitchingtoEnglish.BehindthekindlywrinklesthatIknowsowellIcouldsketchtheminmysleep,hergazeiseaglesharp.“TellBigAuntwhathappen.Startfrombeginning.”
Idon’thesitate.There’sjustsomethingaboutBigAunt,amixoffirmauthorityandmotherlywarmththatnobodycansaynoto.I’mfeelingsoguiltyabouthavingthemrushhereinthemiddleofthenight—tohelpmewithadeadbody,noless—thatItryrelayingthestoryinIndonesian.Butnotevenonesentencein,SecondAunttellsmemyatrociousIndonesianisgivingheraheadacheandIshouldjuststicktoEnglish.Withsomerelief,ItellthemaboutmydatewithJake,abouthowheinsistedondrivingmehome,andthethingshesaid.
Myauntsandmothercovertheirmouthswithhorrorandshaketheirheads.
“HowcouldyousetMeddyupwithsuchadouchebag?”FourthAuntsnapsatMa.
Ma’sfaceisasredasaLouboutinsole.“Hewassoniceonline!Perfectgentleman,evenoffertocookterongforme—er,forMeddy.”
“What’sterong?Isthatfermentedshrimppaste?”Isay.
“Tch,no,”Masays,switchingtoEnglish.“Shrimppasteisterasi.Terongiseggplant.”
Somethingclicksinsideme.“Heofferedtocookmeeggplant?That’sweirdlyspecific.”
Manodsfuriously.“It’swhyIthink,wah,thisboyismeantforyou.Heevenknowwhatisyourfavoritefood.”
“Ineedtoseethesechatmessages.”
Matakesherphonefromherpocket,andmyauntsalltakeouttheirglasses.AsMahandsthephonetome,FourthAuntswipesitfromherhand.
“Hey!”Masays.
FourthAuntignoresherandstartsscrolling.Hereyebrowsshootup,almostdisappearinginherhairline,andsheburstsintohystericallaughter.
“Whyyoulaugh?Whatissofunny?”Masnaps.
Stilllaughingsohardshecan’tcatchherbreath,FourthAuntpushesthephonetome.Iskimthroughthemessages,and…Oh.My.God.ItissomuchworsethanIthought.
Jake1010Hotelier:Hey
MeddelinChan:Hello!
IlookupatMa,aghast.“Youusedmyrealnameonthissite?Andisthat—”Itaponthelittleiconnexttomyname,anditenlargestoshowanactualpictureofme.
“Idon’tknowyouaresupposedtousefakename!HowamIsupposedtoknowthat?”
“Maybebynotpretendingtobemeandmakingafakedatingaccount?Imean,forgod’ssake,look,Jakedidn’tuploadanypicturesofhimself!”MalookssohurtthatIimmediatelyregretsayingthat.“I’msorry,Ma,Iknowyoujustwantedtohelp.”
Shegivesatinynod,andIresumereading.
Jake1010Hotelier:Loveyourpic
MeddelinChan:Thankyou!!Yousosweet!!
IgritmyteethinanefforttonotsnapatMaagain.Howmanyexclamationmarkscanthewomanuseinasinglereply?
Jake1010Hotelier:So,weddingphotography,huh?Thatmustbeinteresting.
MeddelinChan:Ohyes!Veryinteresting!!Whatdoyoudo?
Jake1010Hotelier:Asyoumighthaveguessedfrommyscreenname,I’mahotelier.Iownhotels.Manyofthem,actually.
MeddelinChan:Wahhh!Soimpressed!
Itgoesonlikethatforawhile,Jakebragging,describingingreatdetaileachandeveryoneofthehotelsheowns,andMareplyinginthemostbimboticwaythat’shumanlypossible.AnyonereadingthiswouldthinkI’mdesperateforJake’sapproval,butIknowthatthisisMabeingpolite.Thisishowshe’sraisedme,toencourageotherstotalkaboutthemselves,andthenfindthegoodthingsinwhattheysayandshowappreciation.Ican’ttellwhetherit’saChinesethingoranIndonesianthing,butwhateveritis,itworkedonJake.Afteronlyafewdaysofmessagingbackandforth,hesendsthismessage:
Jake1010Hotelier:Ifeelsocomfortablechattingwithyou,Meddy.
MeddelinChan:Mealso!
Jake1010Hotelier:It’ssohardfindingsomeoneIreallyclickwith,youknow?IfeelasthoughI’veknownyouforalongtime.
MeddelinChan:Iagree!
Jake1010Hotelier:Sooowannameetup?
MeddelinChan:Yes!Sohappyyouasknow!Yesterdaymybodynottastesodelicious,buttodayisbetter.
Oh.My.God.Noooo.InIndonesian,thephrase“tidakenakbadan”means“notfeelingwell,”butitsliteraltranslationis“bodynotdelicious.”Behindme,FourthAuntresumescackling,whiletheothersgo,“What?What’ssofunny?”
Ireadon.
Jake1010Hotelier:Oh.Wow,okay.Damn,girl,you’reeventhirstierthanIthought.
MeddelinChan:Haha!No,no,notthirsty!Ihavealottodrink.Quitewetnow.
Jake1010Hotelier:Wow.Damn.IfI’dknown,Iwould’veaskedyououtsooner.MeddelinChan:Wah!Howyouknoweggplantmyfavorite??
Jake1010Hotelier:Itis,huh?Well,I’vegotarealbigoneforyou.
MeddelinChan:Oh!Ican’twait!LOVEeggplant!!
IslamthephonedownandstareatMa.FourthAuntisliterallylyingonthefloor,laughing.
“What?Whatisit?”BigAuntsays.“Hesoundlikeveryniceboy,offertocookeggplantforyou.”
“Right?”Macries,gesturingwildly.“IreadthatandIthink,wah,thisboyissolovely,socaringformydaughter,evenaskher,isshethirsty?”
Iburymyfaceinmyhands.“Nooo!Ma,thoseemojis—thewaterdropletsandtheeggplant—they’resexualinnuendos!”
ThreepairsofeyesstareatmeinutterconfusionwhileFourthAunthowlswithlaughter.
“Sexual…what?In-you-when-what?”SecondAuntsays.
Ican’tbelieveI’mhavingthisconversationwithmyauntsandmomrightnow.“Sexualinnuendos.Youknow,like,sexualwordplay.Theeggplantsymbolizesthe—um—themaleuh,theum.”Thisisridiculous.I’mtwenty-six,forgod’ssake,andyetIcan’tsaytheword“penis”outloudinfrontofmymomandauntsbecausepartofmeissurethey’dscoldmeforsayingit.Instead,Iusemyindexfingertoair-drawtheuniversalsymbolforpenis.
“Eggplant,”BigAuntsays.“Yes,hesayeggplant,weknowthat.”
“No—”
“ShemeansPENIS!”FourthAunthowls,andthendoublesoveragain,laughing.
“What?”Magasps.“No.But—”
“Thatsoundnotright.Ithinkyouwrong,”BigAuntsaysstridently.Shesnatchesthephonefrommeandfrownsatitagain.“See,hesay,‘IfI’dknown,Iwould’veaskedyououtsooner…I’vegotarealbigone—’Oh.”Shedropsthephoneonthecounterasifit’sturnedintoacockroach.
Ma’sstandingthere,frozen,alookofhorroronherface.
“Ma,youokay?”
Sheturnstolookatmeslowly,thensays,inavoicefullofhorrifiedwonder,“Eggplantispenis?”
“Yeah.”Isigh,feelingsoashamedofmygeneration.
“Ithoughthemean,youknow,friedeggplant.Ithought—”ShelookssolostandsmallthatIcan’thelpbutfeelsorryforher.Iputanarmaroundhershouldersandsqueeze.
“It’sokay,Ma.Iknow.”
“Yes,it’sokay,everyonehastolearnhowtosextatsomepoint,”FourthAuntsays.
Ishootheradirtylook.
“Sext?”Masays.
“Don’tworryaboutit,”Isay,pattinghershoulder.“So,um.Okay,sothisclarifiessomethings.NotthatitexcusesJake’sbehaviorinanyway,butIseenowwhyhewasso…uh—”
“Horny?”FourthAuntsays.ShegrinswhenIshootheranotherdirtylook.
Ma’shandfliestohermouthagain.“Meddy,isit…didIgetboykilledbecauseIsayIwanttoeathiseggplant?”
Iopenmymouthtoanswer,butmyauntsbeatmetoit,shouting,“NO!”inunison.
“Sowhatifyousayyouwanteateggplant?”SecondAuntsays.“Maybeonedayyouwanteateggplant,butthenanotherdayyoudon’twant,isokayyouchangemind.”
“Yes,heisverybadboy,verybad,”BigAuntsays.
“ButifIdon’tsay,‘Wah,yes,Iwanttoeatyoureggplant,’thenmaybehenotso—youknow—”
“Meddy,whenhesaidthosethingstoyouinthecar,whatdidyousaytohim?”FourthAuntsays.
“Itoldhimno,Iwasn’tinterestedinthat.Imovedhishandoffmyknee.IwasprettyclearaboutwhatIwantedanddidn’twant.”
“See?”FourthAuntsays,triumphantly.“Theeggplantdoesn’tmatter.Thatwasjustflirting.Everybodydoesit.ButhechosetotakeitfurtherafterMeddysaidno.It’snotyourfault.”
Inodemphatically.“Itreallyisn’tyourfault,Ma.”Atinyvoiceinmymindsays:Well,itkindofis,inthatifshehadn’timpersonatedmeinthefirstplace
Isquashthevoicedown.Nousepointingfingersnow.
“Okay,backtowhathappen,”BigAuntsays.“Sothisbaggydouchetrytouchyou—”
“Douchebag,”FourthAuntsays.
BigAuntwavesheroff.“Douchebaggytrytouchyou—”
“Um,andthenIkindoffreakedout—panicked—anduh.ImayhaveTasedhimalittle.”
Fourpairsofeyesstareatme,horrified.
“Meddy,”SecondAuntbreathes.“YouhaveTaser?”
Ican’thelpcringingasInod.Hereitcomes.They’regoingto—
“Canwesee?”SecondAuntsays.
Huh?
“Wah,wonderwhatmodelyougot,”BigAuntsays.“Isitlikemyone?”Shepicksupherhandbagfromthekitchencounterandrummagesinit,lookingoverherreadingglasses.
FourthAuntsighs.“Theygotdistractedagain.Hey!”Sheclapsatthem,likethey’reraucouspuppies.“Focus!It’sverylateandwehaveanearlymorning.”
BigAuntstraightensup,clearingherthroat.“Ah,sorry.YoushowmeTaserlater.Okay,soyouTasehim.Yougethimwhere?Neck?Cheek?”
Igapeather.“Um,theneck.”
Theyallnod.“Alwaysgoforneck,”Masays.“IhearneckisbestplacetoTase.Verysensitive.Good,Meddy.”Shepatsmycheekwithapproval.
IttakesasecondformetogathermythoughtsfromthemessofWTF-ness.“Andthen,uh,thenhecrashedthecar,andwhenIcameto,hewas—uh.Well,youknow.”
“Hediealready,”Masays,flatly.
Noneofmyauntsseemsurprisedbythis,whichmeansMamusthavetoldthemoverthephonebeforetheycame,ormaybeitmeansthatMYFAMILYISABUNCHOFPSYCHOPATHS.Ichoosetogowiththeformer.
“Thenhow?”SecondAuntsays.
Shecansaythatagain.Wesitthereforabit,silent,eachofusdeepinthought.Fortherecord,mythoughtsarestillstuckinWHYARETHEYSOCALMWHATISGOINGONALSOOMGIKILLEDAMAN.
BigAunttakesoffherreadingglasseswithasigh.“Okay.WhereisJakenow?”
“Inthetrunkofmycar,”Isay,wincingagainathowinsaneitsounds.
Shenods.“Nobodyseeyou,right?”
“Imean,Idon’tthinkso?Therewasnoonearound.Itwasaquietstreet,Ithinkhechosetogodownthatstreetbecause,uh,youknow,hewantedto—youknow.”
Myauntsandmotherallmuttercursesinvariouslanguages—lotsofF-wordsbeingtossedaroundinHokkien,Mandarin,Cantonese,andIndonesian.
“Itellyou,ah,”Mahisses,“itisgoodthinghealreadydead,otherwiseIkillhim.”
EvenFourthAuntnodsinsolemnagreementtothis.Hearingthismakestearsspringtomyeyesagain.Thefactthatthere’snoquestionamongthemthatIdidtherightthingindefendingmyselfisassoothingasatighthug,andIjustwanttomeltintheirarmsandsobandletthemtakecareofeverything.
“Okay,sowegettingridofbody,”BigAuntsays,withherusualauthority.
“Hangon,”FourthAuntsays,“whyshouldwedothat?Whynotjustgotothepolice?Imean,itsoundslikeaprettyclear-cutcaseofself-defense.”
Mascowlsather.“Yes,weknowitisself-defense,butpolicedon’tknow.Theyseewegotdeadbodyintrunk,theywillforsuresay,‘Ohmygod,youmurderhim!’”
FourthAuntglaresbackather,openshermouthtosaysomething,stops,turnstome,andsays,“Whydidyouputthebodyinthetrunk?”
Despitebeingtheyoungestofthelot,FourthAuntisstillformidable.Allthewomeninmyfamilyare.Exceptforme,Iguess.Iquailunderhergaze,myvoicecomingoutflimsy.“Um.Ifreakedout.Ididn’twanttowaitanothersecondlongerforsomeonetocomeby,myphonewasdead,andIdidn’twanttodrivebackwithitnexttome.Inhindsight,IguessImadetheabsoluteworstchoiceIcould’vemade.”
“No,worstchoiceisyouleavehimthere,onsideoftheroad,”SecondAuntsays.
“Ohhh,yes,thatoneevenworse,”Masays,noddinggratefullyatherbeforeshootingFourthAuntanotherdirtylook.FourthAuntignoresher.
“Surelyifwegotothecopsandexplaineverything,they’llseethatMeddyisnokiller.Lookather!”
I’msuddenlythesubjectoffourpairsofshrewdeyesoncemore.Itrymybesttonotcringeawayfromtheattention.BigAuntexchangesalookwithMa.Thoughthequestionisunspoken,Iknowwhatshe’saskingMa:It’syourdaughter,whatdoyouwanttodo?
Mastraightensup.“Wearenotgoingtopolice.No,Idon’ttrustthem.Wedon’tknowwhattheysay.Theymightsayshetemperatingthebody—”
“Tamperedwiththebody,youmean,”FourthAuntsays.
Mashootsheralookofpurevenom.“Theymightsaysheblockjustice—”
“Obstructedjustice,”FourthAuntsays.
“It’sveryclearwhatImean!”Masnaps.“Yes,weknowyourEnglishisverygood,noneedtoshowoff,okay?”
FourthAuntthrowsherarmsup.“I’mjusthelping!”
BigAuntcatcheshereyeandgivesasmallshakeofthehead,andimmediatelyFourthAuntdeflates,herbreathcomingoutinanangrysigh.Shemumbles,“Dowhateveryouwant.”
It’sasthoughthere’safireundermyskin.Mycheeksarered-hot.Mymomandauntarefightingbecauseofme.Imean,okay,MahasnevergottenalongwithFourthAunt,andtheyfighteverychancetheyget,butstill,itsuckstobethereasonthey’refightingnow.
BigAuntnods.“Okay,nopolice.Come,wegoseebody.”8
SeniorYear,FourYearsAgo
“—andtheysaywanttwelvelilytower!”Mapracticallyshoutsatmeoverthephone.
“Wow,that’samazing,Ma,”Isay,loweringthevolumeonmyphonetotheminimum.Ican’tseeherface.Asusual,she’sgotthecamerapointingtoohigh,soit’sonlyshowingherforeheadandherpermedbangs.
“Yes,itallgosowell,Meddy.Whenyoufinishschoolandcomehome,itwillgoevenbetter,especiallythenwehavephotosofeverythingwedone.”
Idon’tevenhavetoforcemysmile.Thefamilybusiness,sansme,hasbeensurprisinglysuccessful.Ihavetoadmitthatmymomandauntshaveexceededmyexpectations,eventhoughIwassomewhatdubiousabouttheideatobeginwith.I’vebeenhelpingouthereandtherewheneverI’mhome,takingasmanyphotosasIcanofMa’sflowerarrangementsandBigAunt’scakes.Ievensetupawebsiteforthem.Itdoesn’tlookhalfbad,butIcan’twaittobeabletospendalotmoretimestreamliningeverythingandmakingitlookallshinyandimpressive.Weirdly,I’mactuallyreallylookingforwardtograduatingandplungingheadfirstintothebusiness.Whowouldathunkit?
There’saknockatmydoor.Asecondlater,Nathanpopshisheadin.IquicklytellMaIhavetogoandcutthecallshort.Stillhaven’ttoldheraboutNathan.Ifiguredwe’resoclosetograduating,andoncewedo,I’lldefinitelytellthemaboutNathanbecausehe’llbecomingroundtoourhouseallthetime.Withthemconstantlyfussingoverhim,I’dlosehimtothem.Sofornow,Ichoosetobeselfishagain.Keephimalltomyself.Justforthetimebeing.There’splentyoftimetoservehimuptothesharks.Atleastwithgraduationlooming,Nathan’sstoppedaskingwhenI’llintroducehimtomyfamily.Heknowsitwon’tbelongnow,sohecanaffordtobepatient.
“I’vegotnews,”Nathansays,dimplesonfullassaultashewalksin.
“Oh?”Threeyearstogetherandthesightofhimstillmakesmybreathcatch.MaybeIhaveasthma.Ishouldn’tstillbesobreathlessaroundsuchalong-termboyfriend.Butseriously,thosestupiddimples.Theyshouldbeoutlawed.
“Nohornyface,”hescolds,grinning.“Notyet,anyway.”Hetakesbothofmyhandsinhis.“Okay,so.YouknowhowIwasinterningatJLLlastsummer?”
Igasp.“Didtheyofferyouaposition?That’sawesome!Iknewtheywould!”
“Theydid.”
Isquealandleapintohisarms,andheliftsmerightoffthefloor,laughing.“Wait,I’mnotdonetellingyoutheofferyet.”
I’mpepperinghisentirefacewithkisses,soImissthenextthinghesays.Orrather,Ihearit,butmybrainsays,Doesnotcompute.Ipausemid-kiss.“Comeagain?”
“It’sinNewYork.That’swheretheirheadquartersare.”
“I—oh.Canyouputmedown?”
Hedoesso,gently,andthesecondmytoestouchthefloor,Istartpacingaboutthesmallroom.ThoughtsracethroughmyheadatNathan’snews.Whatdoesitmean?Itmeans,dumbass,thathe’sgoingtomovetoNewYork.Wait,doesitmeanthat?Hehasn’tsaidheaccepted.Buthowcanhenotaccept?It’sthebiggestbusinessconsultingcompanyinthecountry,ifnottheworld.Andit’sNewYork!ButwhatabouthisdreamofstayinghereinCaliforniaandopeningahotel?Whataboutit?Itwasobviouslyjustthat,adream.
“Youokay?”Nathansays,rubbinghishandsupanddownmyarms.“Iwasn’tactuallydonetellingyoustuff.”
“Oh?”Myheadpopsuplikeameerkat.Maybehe’sgoingtotellmehegotanevenbetteroffer,fromanevenbiggerconsultingfirmthatIhaveneverheardof.Whichwouldbetotallyplausible.
Nathan’seyesgrowsoft,andhetakesmyhandsagain.“I’dloveitifyou’dcomewithme,Meddy.”
Mymouthdropsopen.Nosoundcomesoutofit.Mymind,whatever’sleftofit,hasshort-circuited.
“Meddy?Hmm.DidIbreakyou?”Hewavesahandrightinfrontofmyface.“Hey.”
“Sorry.What?Comewithyou?ToNewYork?”
“Yeah,”helaughs.“Comewithme.We’llexploretheBigAppletogether.Wecangetanapartmenttogether;we’llwakeupnexttoeachothereverymorning.I’llmakeyoualatteandgetyoufreshbagelseveryday.It’sagreatcityforphotographers.You’dhaveyourworkingalleries,Meddy,Iknowit.You’rebrilliant.”
Mykneesgrowweak.God,Iwantallthosethingssobadly.IwantmeandNathaninatinyNewYorkCityapartmentwithexposedbrickwallsandwoodfloorsandthoseoldschoolradiators.
But.
NewYork.That’ssofaraway,itmightaswellbeanothercountry.WhatwouldMadowithoutme?I’dbenobetterthanmymalecousins,leavinghomeassoonastheycould.No,I’dbeevenworse,becauseIgaveMaandmyauntiesfalsehope,ledthemtobelievethatI’dstaybeforerippingtheirheartsrightout.Mawouldbedevastated.BigAuntwouldshakeherheadwithdisappointmentandsay,“Wah,turnoutgirlnotblessing.Sameasboy,leaveusbehind.”AndSecondAuntandFourthAuntwouldgivemedisapprovinglooksastheycomfortMa.
No,I’mbetterthanmycousins.Betterthanmyuncles—andIsureashellambetterthanmyfather.Iwon’tabandonmyfamily.Notforlove,notforanything.
“I—”Ipause.Ican’tjusttellNathanthatIwon’tgowithhimtoNewYork.WhatifhedecidestostayinCaliforniabecauseofme?Ican’tdothattohim.Iwon’t.Iwon’tmakehimgiveuphisdreamsforme,notwhenI’mnotpreparedtogiveupmineforhim.Andlet’snotforgetaboutthecurse.I’vealwaysknownourrelationshipisdoomed,thattherewillcomeatimewhenNathanwillleaveme.IshouldtakemattersintomyownhandsandmakesurethiswillworkoutokayforNathan.Asitshould.It’stoogoodofanopportunityforhim.Thethoughtmakesmewanttovomit,butit’sclearwhatneedstohappen.
This,then,willbemygifttoNathan.
Iturnawayfromhim.Ican’tdothiswhilelookingathisbeautiful,belovedface.Imakemyselflaughalittle.“Well,that’sgood.I,uh,Iwasn’tsurehowtotellyouthisbefore,butum.Ithinkit’sbestifwe,um,ifwebreakup.Yeah.”
“What?”
Mygazedartstowardhim,justlongenoughtoregistertheplainshockonhisface.
“Yeah,we’vebeentogetherlikebasicallyallofouradultlives.Ikindofwanttoseewhatelseisoutthere.Don’tyou?”
Nathanlookslikehecouldputhisfistthroughthewall.“No,Idon’t.Whatthehell,Meddy?”
Mychestsqueezeslikeafist,threateningtocrushmyheart,mylungs.Istruggletobreathe.“I’msorry,Iwasplanningtotellyouaftergraduation,butthisfeelslikeagoodtime.Nowthatyou’regoingtoNewYork,andI’llbestayinginL.A….it’sallforthebest,youknow?”
Hisfaceisapictureofpainandbetrayal.“No,Idon’tknow.Whatthe—howlonghaveyoubeenfeelingthisway?”
It’sastruggletokeepfromfallingapart.Iswallowthelumpinmythroat.Don’tcry.Don’tfuckingcry.“Um,awhile.”
“Awhile?”Hegapesatmeforabit,thenbarksamirthlesslaugh.“Jesus.”Heshakeshisheadandrakesahandthroughhishair.Takesalong,shudderingbreath.“Iwasgonna…”Heshakeshisheadagain.“Nevermind.I—I’mgonnago.I’ll,uh,comebyformystufflater.Orsomething.”
Imanageasmall“Okay”andstayunmovingasheleavesmyroom.Deargod,whathaveIjustdone?Ifeelasthougheverythinginsidemehasjustbeenscoopedout,leavingmeanemptyhuskofaperson.Ican’twatch.Ican’tstayhereandlookastheboyIlovewalksoutofmylife.ButIdo.Asthetearsfinallyfall,Imakemyselfstare,becauseIknowit’llbethelasttimeIseeNathan,andIdon’twanttomissasinglesecondofhim,evenwhenhe’sleavingme.9
PresentDay
FourthAuntperksupalittleaswewalkoutofthekitchen.“I’veneverseenadeadguybefore,”shesays.
“Youaretooyoung,”BigAuntsays.“Waituntilyouarefifty,thenallyourfriendparentsheredietheredie,thenyouseedeadpeopleallthetime.”
“Well,obviouslyI’vebeentofuneralsbefore.I’veseenbodiesincoffins.Thisisdifferent.ImeanI’veneverseenadeadguywhoisn’t,youknow,atafuneral.”
Acoupleofstepsawayfromthegarage,SecondAuntsuddenlygaspsandsays,“Wait!Cannotgooutthere!”
Wealljump,andintheensuingsilence,IswearIcanhearallofourheartsbeatingamadrhythm.
“Whatisit?”Masays.
SecondAunt’sfaceisstricken.“Wecannotseethebody!Cannotgonearit!”
“Whynot?”FourthAuntdemands,obviouslyirritated.Sheglanceswithanticipationatthegarage.
“Tomorrowisbigweddingweekend.Sounluckyifweareneardeadbodynow,andthenwebringthebadlucktothewedding,howcan?Wewillcursebrideandgroomandtheirwholefamily!”
FourthAuntgroans.“NotthissuperstitiousBSagain.”
Idon’tusuallyagreewithFourthAunt,butIverynearlygroanoutloudwithher,becauseassoonasSecondAuntsaysit,bothMaandBigAuntactuallypausetoconsiderwhatshe’ssaying.MypulsegoessofastIfeelasthoughImightfaint.Ican’tbelieveImightendupgoingtoprisonbecauseofasuperstition.
“Butisn’tthebeliefthatyoushouldn’tgotoaweddingafteryou’vebeentoafuneral?”Ipointout.
Myaunts’eyebrowsrise.
“Imean,thisisn’tafuneral,technically.We’renotdoinganyburialritesoranything.”
Eyesshining,Masnapsherfingersandpointsatme.“Meddyiscorrect.Wejustdon’tburybodynow.We—maybeweputhiminfreezer?ThenonMonday,afterwedding,wecanburybody.”
FourthAuntblanches.“Uh,hangon,Ididn’tmean—”
BigAuntnods.“Okay,itsoundgood.”
SecondAuntchewsherlip,hesitating,andBigAuntglaresather.“Andanyway,”BigAuntsays,“sincehotelownerdie,weddingprobablycanceltomorrow,whenhenotshowup.Sowebebackearly,thenweburybody.”
Withthat,theyresumewalkingtowardthegarage,FourthAuntleadingthecharge,SecondAuntbeingpushedalongbyMa,metrailingattheback.
“Ah,youleavelighton,”BigAuntsays,walkingthroughthebackdoorintothegarage.
“Yes,deadbodycannotbeinthedark,”Masays.
BigAuntnods.“Yes,goodthinking.”
“MoresuperstitiousBS,”FourthAuntmutters.
“JustwaituntilyouseewhatMeddydotothebody.Shewasveryrespectful,”Masays.
Ican’tbelieveshe’stakingthismomenttoboastaboutmebeingrespectful.ThisispeakAsianparenting.
Weallcrowdaroundthetrunkofthecar.Mybreathcatches,mychestpainfullytight,notenoughroomformylungstoexpandandtakeinair.IthinkImightfaint.Asthoughsensingmynear-panic,Mapatsmyarmbeforeopeningthetrunk.
Andthereheis,justasIlefthim,lyingintherewithhislonglegsbent,kneesathiswaist,thehoodiecoveringhisface.Thereisamixofnoisesfrommyaunts—BigAuntistch-tchingandshakingherhead,muttering,“Thiswhathappenwhenparentsdon’traisethesonwell,”FourthAuntisstaringopenmouthedwithwhatIcanonlydescribeashorrifiedglee,andSecondAuntis.
“Whatareyoudoing,SecondAunt?”
Shehardlyglancesatmeasshegoesintoadeeplunge.“SnakeCreepsThroughtheGrass,”shemutters.
“What?”
“ShedoingTaiChi,”Masays.“Doctortellherdoitforhighbloodpressure.”
“Uh.Okay.”Isupposeweallhaveourwaysofdealingwithstress.
FourthAuntreachestowardthehoodie,andMasmacksherhand.
“Ow!What?”
“Whatdoyouthinkyou’redoing?”Mademands.
“Isn’titobvious?Iwanttoseehisface!”
“Aiya!Yousodisrespectful.Peoplealreadydead,youwanttoseehisfaceforwhat?”
“She’sright,Mimi,”BigAuntsays,gently.“Wetrynottodisturbhimtoomuch.”
Ihavetoturnawayfromthebody.Thesightofitbringsbackthetraumaoftheaccident,andIcan’tstopseeingflashesofJake,againandagain.Ofhimsmiling,hishandonmyknee.Nowhishandsarelyinglimplyagainsthiships
“Nowwhat?”SecondAuntsays,goingthroughherTaiChimovesalotfasterthantheycallfor.“Thisboysotall.Howwegetridofhim?”Sheshuddersbeforegoingintoadifferentposewitharmsoutstretched.“Maybewecanchophimup,cooksomecurry,thenthrowawaybitbybit?”
“That’salotofcurry,”FourthAuntsays.
Mystomachlurches.Calm.Down.They’renotbeingserious.They’renot.They’rejustbeingtheirusualselves.Theirusualmurderyselves.Whatisgoingonrightnow?!MaybeoneoftheChinesedramasthey’realwayswatchingisacrimeshow.Ormaybethisisamomthing:onceyouhaveakid,youlosetheabilitytobetrulyshockedbyanything.Imean,thisisnotnormal,right?Right?
“Nocurry,”BigAuntscolds.SecondAuntglaresather.
“Yougotbetterideaisit?”SecondAuntsays.
BigAuntsighs.“Ithinkfirst.”
“Um,”Isqueak,andtheyalllookatme.IchargeaheadbeforeIlosewhatevertinybitofcourageIhave.“Maybeweshouldtakehimtothedesertandburyhimthere?”
Theymullthisover.We’vebeenonfamilytripstoVegasacoupleoftimes;weallknowtheroutewell,theemptydesolationbetweenCaliforniaandNevadathatpeoplepassthroughandneverstopat.
“Goodidea,”Masays,smilingwithobviousprideatme.
SecondAuntnods.“Yes,verygood.”
“Betterthanyourcurryidea,”BigAuntchides.“Okay,wedothatwhenwecomebackfromweddingisland.Definitelygotnotimetodotonight,weneedtobeatpiertomorrowbyeight-thirty.”
Ohmygod.Inallthepanicandconfusion,Ihaven’tforgottenthatwestillneedtoworkaweddingtomorrow,butIhaveforgottenthedetailsofit—thefactthatit’satSantaLuciaandthatwehavetocongregatetomorrowmorningatthepiertocatchoneoftheprivateyachtsthatwillbetakingustotheisland.Thethoughtofitexhaustsme.Drivingtothedesert,diggingahole,fillingit,andthendrivingbackisoutofthequestionfortonight.Asitis,Icanbarelystayonmyfeet.
“Wecannotleavehimintrunkforwholeweekend,”Masays.“Laterhewillstinkupmyhouse,thenwillbeveryhardtogetridofsmell.”
BigAuntnodsagain.“Weneedtoputhiminfridge.”
Lordhelpme,weareliterallytalkingaboutfridgingthedude.
“Myfridgeratornotbigenough,”Masays.
“Onlyyougotfridgebigenough,”SecondAuntsaystoBigAunt.
TheonlysignthatbetraysBigAunt’sdismayattherealizationthatitwouldhavetobeherfridgeisaflickerofdispleasure,butthenshenodsandsays,“Okay.Anyway,Iwillfeelbetterwithbodyinmyfridgethanifbodyinsomeoneelsefridge;whoknows,maybethatpersonisnotsoresponsible.”ShegivesSecondAunttheside-eye.SecondAunt’snostrilsflareandsheopenshermouthtospeak,butBigAuntsays,“Wegonow.”
“Um,couldwemovehimintoyourtrunk?”Isay.“It’sprettyobviousmycar’sbeeninanaccident,andIdon’twantustogetpulledover.”
“Okay.Mycaralreadyinyourdriveway.Come,wemovehim.”
WeallcrowdaroundJake’sbody.
“Wecan’tcarryhimoutlikethis,”Isay.“Whatifsomeonesees?”
“Yes,coverhimwithsomething,”SecondAuntsays.“Nat,yougotbigbagornot?Youknow,whenHendragoski,hetakehisskiinthisverybigbag.Ialwaysthink,wah,canfitmeinsidethatbag.”
“Whyyouthinkthat?Suchunluckywayofthinking,”BigAuntscolds.
BeforeSecondAuntcansnarkbackatBigAunt,Maquicklycutsin.“No,Meddydon’tski.Maybegarbagebag?Canitfitornot?”
Weregardthebody.“Ithinkhe’sabittalltofitinatrashbag,Ma,”Isay.
“We’dhavetocuthimupfirst,”FourthAuntsays,hereyesshiningwithwhatIcanonlydescribeashorrifiedglee.Hasshealwaysbeenthismurderous?Havetheyalwaysbeenthisblaséaboutchoppingbodiesup?
“Suchsillyidea,”Mascoffs.“Somessy,andthegarbagebagsalwaysleak.Youwillmakebigmessinmygarage.”
“That’sbecauseyoualwaysbuythecheapones,”FourthAuntshootsback.“ItoldyoutobuyGladbrand.Haven’tyouseentheirads?Gladbagswillholdhiscut-upbodyjustfine,noleaks!”
Ilookattheceiling.PrettysurethatwhenGladwasplanningtheirmarketingcampaign,theydidn’tthinktheirtargetmarketwouldbeabunchofmiddle-agedChinesewomenarguingabouthowtobestdisposeofabody.“Whataboutablanket?”Isay.“WejustneedsomethingtocoverhimwhilewemovehimtoBigAunt’scar.Allithastodoismakehimlookless…likeadeadbody.”
“Goodidea,”BigAuntsays.
Maflusheswithpride.Thewomanreallyneedstogetherprioritiesstraight.Irunbackinsidethehouse,grabacoupleofoldblanketsfromourstoreroom,andrushbackintothegarage,wherethey’vemovedonfromthetrashbagissuetoarguingoversomeotherthing.“Hereitis!”Isayloudly.
IpassoneblankettoBigAuntandshakeouttheother.Weapproachthebody,blanketsraised,andpause.
FourthAuntgrowls,“Comeon,doit!”
Teethgritted,Iputmyblanketoverthetophalfofhisbody.
“Tuckthesidesunderhim,”FourthAuntsays.“Wraphimuplikeaburrito.”
“Ohgod,”Iwhimper,butIdoasshesays,tuckingtheblanketunderneathhisbody,cringingathowwarmitfeels.“He’sstillwarm,”Ihiss,facescrunchedinrevulsion.Ihesitate.“Shouldwe—uh.Ithinkweshouldcheckhispulse.”
“No,no,thatverybadluck,touchingcorpse,”Masays,shakingherheadfirmly.
Istareather.“Whatareyoutalkingabout?Iliterallyjusttouchedit.CanIalsopointoutyouguysweretalkingaboutcuttinghimupmomentsago?Wouldthatnotinvolvetouchinghim?”
“Isdifferent,”Masays.EveryoneelsesaveforFourthAuntnods.
“Howisitdifferent?”Icry.
“Touchingdeadbodytocutitup,getridofit,isokay.Buttouchingdeadbodytotryandfindlifeinside,ohhh,verybadluck.”
“WHAT?”Iswearmyheadhasexploded.“Howiscuttingupadeadbodybetterthanjustasmalltouchtomakesureit’sactuallydead?”
“Aiya,ifyoudon’tunderstand,nousetryingtoexplain,”SecondAuntsays
“Whensomeonedoesn’tunderstand,that’sexactlythetimeyoushouldexplain.”Ishakemyhead.WhyamIwastingprecioustimearguingwiththem?Withoutgivingmyselftimetochickenout,IgrabJake’swrist,cringing,andfeelforapulse.Ugh,god,thisissogross.Ifeelabout,pressinghereandthere,butmyhandistremblingtoohardandmypalmisallsweatyand—
“Sudah!”Masnaps,yankingmyhandback.Whilestillholdingontome,shereachesoverandknocksonthedoor,saying,“Aduh,knockonwood,whymydaughterinsistonbringingbadluckonus?Knockonwooddeh.”
“Aiya,comehere,givethattome.He’sclearlydead.”FourthAuntpushesmeasideandgruntsassheliftsJake’supperbody.“Ooh,heisstillwarm.Interesting!Would’vethoughthe’dhavegoneallstiff.Mustbebecauseit’ssuchawarmnight.Meddy,pulltheblanketroundfromunderneathhim—yes,okay,good.Topwrapped.Let’sdothelegs.”
We’reallstaringather,dumbfounded.FourthAuntisaD-listsinger,atotaldivawithbighairandtight,sequinedclothes.BeingefficientwithwrappingupdeadbodiesisnotaqualityIwould’veguessedhertohave.ButhertoneissoauthoritativethatevenBigAuntobeyswithoutquestion.WeliftJake’slegsuntilFourthAuntfinisheswrappingthesecondblanketaroundthem.Whenwe’redone,weallstepbackwithavisibleshudder.
“Right,toDaJie’scar!”FourthAuntsays.
IstopMaintimefromopeningthegaragedoor,tellingherI’mgoingtoturnoffallthelightsfirst.
“Oh,yes,goodthinking,”shesays,clearlyrattledbythewholeexperience.Myhearttwistsatthesightofherlinedface.I’vedonethistoher.I’vemadeherworry.TheleastIcandoistrytofixit,trytostayontopofthings.
Oncethelightsareoff,weopenthegaragedoor,wincingatthewhirringnoise.Weshould’vejustcarriedthebodythroughthehouseandgoneoutthroughthefrontdoor.God,Ihopethegaragedoor’scrazyloudwhirdoesn’twakeanyneighbors.
“Let’sgo,”Iwhisper.Ibracemyselfand,beforeIcanchickenout,grabthetophalfofJake’sbody.HeseemssomuchheavierthanIremember.HowthehelldidIevenmanagetocarryhimoutofthedriver’sseatandintothetrunkinthefirstplace?
Adrenaline.Right.MybloodmightaswellhavebeenRedBullatthetime.Icould’vemovedbouldersifI’dhadto.Butnow,hoursaftertheaccident,I’mexhausted,myarmsnoodly,mylegsstiffandslow.ImanagetoliftJake’storsoafewinchesup,mymusclestremblinghard.“Ican’tdothisonmyown,”Igasp,andamabouttodrophimwhenMacatcheshishead.
“ErJie,youtakehiships,”shebarks.“DaJie,youtakehislegs.”
BigAuntrushestotakeJake’slegs,asshe’stold,butSecondAuntisfrozen,hereyeswide.“Ican’t—Idon’t—”BigAuntsnorts,andSecondAuntglaresather.“What?Idon’twanttouchdeadbody,isthatwrong?”
“Yourfamilyinneedandyoudon’tevenwanttohelp,”BigAuntsays.“Youtellme,iswrongorno?”
“It’sokay,I’lltakethehips,”FourthAuntsays,runningforward.ShewavesSecondAuntaway.“YouopenDaJie’strunk.”Shelifts,andtogetherweheaveJakeoutofthetrunk.
It’shardtodescribethewalktoBigAunt’scar,which,aspromised,iswaitingforusjustafewfeetaway.Jakeisheavy,warm,andlimp,andevenunderthelayersofblankets,I’macutelyawarethatwe’recarryingadeadhuman.We’removingasfastaswecan,butwehavetoadjusttooneanother’sspeeds,whichslowsusdown.Anymomentnow,Mr.Kimnextdoorisgoingtowakeup,getaglassofwaterfromhiskitchen,glanceoutthewindow,andseeus.Ormaybe,fromacrossthestreet,Mabel’schihuahuawillwakeupandasktogooutside.
Somehow,wemanagetomakeittoBigAunt’strunkwithoutanyneighborshouting“Hey,whatareyoudoing?”Throughunspokenagreement,welowerhimgentlyinsteadofdroppinghimunceremoniously.Iguesswehaveheartsafterall,eventhoughwe’vejustmovedadeadbody.10
PresentDay
ThedrivetoBigAunt’sbakery,whichisonlyaten-minutewalkawayfromours,istenseandinterminable.Ma,FourthAunt,andIareallsquishedupinthebackseat,andnobodysaysanything.BigAunt’sbakeryisonValley,afewblocksawayfromthehugeRanch99supermarket.Itsitsinbetweenabeautysalon,whichconvenientlybelongstoSecondAunt,andaflorist,whichconvenientlybelongstoMa.Sheparksatthebackofthebakery,andwespilloutofthecar.Itakebiggulpsofair,gratefultobeoutofthesuffocating,thicksilenceofthecar.
Thistimeofnight,therearenocarsaround,nobodyinsight.It’sasthoughtheentireworldisasleepandthismomentbelongstous,thisawful,darkmomentthatwillforeverbetuckedintomymemoriesastheworstnightofmylife.I’msogratefulthatIhavemyfamilywithme.It’sastrangethoughttohaveasweheaveJakeoutofBigAunt’strunkandmovehim,withmuchdifficulty,acrosstheparkinglotandthroughthebakery’sbackdoor.
BigAuntlocksthedoorbehindusandturnsonthelights.Brilliantwhitelightfillsthekitchen,blindingus.
“Aiya!Turnofflights!Someonewillsee!”Macries.
“Nobodywillsee,gotnowindowsbackhere,”BigAuntsays.“Puthimdownthere—no,notthere,tooclosetomyflour.Yes,there,okay.Makesurehenottouchanything.”Withthat,shehurriesovertothegiantindustrial-sizedrefrigerator.Shepullsthehandleandopenstheheavydoorwithsomeeffort.Wecrowdaroundbehindherand—
“Wah,”Masays.“Verybeautiful.”
Icanonlynod,speechlessatthetoweringpieceofartthatstandsinrefrigeratedglorybeforeme.It’sstunning—eighttiersofperfectlyroundcakecoveredwithflawlessbuttercream,eachlayermadetolooklikepouredmarbleindifferentshadesofduskpinkandgray.Flowersadornitinagentlyweavingcascade—peoniesandhydrangeasandroses,allmadewithlovinghandsoutofsugarpaste,theirpetalsasthinastissuepaper.It’sincredible.I’veseenBigAunt’sweddingcakesplentyoftimesbefore,ofcourse,butshe’soutdoneherself.She’salwaysbeengoodatherjob,butthisisn’tjustacake,it’spureartwork.
“It’samazing,BigAunt,”Ibreathe.“It’sperfect.”
“Thisisyourbestyet,”FourthAuntsays.
BigAuntiswaytootraditionaltoshowpleasureatcompliments.Shewavesourcomplimentsoff,muttering,“Ahmasa?Isnothing.”Butthere’sjustthetiniestquirktothecornersofherlipsthatmakesitobviousthatshe’sfightingoffahugesmile.
“Isnotbad,”SecondAuntgrunts,andthequirkleavesBigAunt’smouth.
BigAunt’sexpressionhardens.“Anyway,noroominfridgeforbody.Thenhow?”
“Justmovecakeout,”SecondAuntsays.“Iscoveredinfondant,itcanlastforeveroutsiderefrigerator.”
“Isnotfondant,”BigAuntsays,smirkingtriumphantly.“Iknowmaybeyouthinkisfondantbecausethesurfacesosmooth,right?Butisbuttercream.Bridesaynofondant,Isaynoproblem,Icandobuttercream.Customeralwaysfirst—”
“Ican’tbelieveit’snotfondant,”Icutin.There’snotellinghowlongBigAunt’sspeechwouldgoonfor,leftunchecked.“BigAunt’sright,wecan’triskthecakespoiling.Maybewecouldputthebodyinoneofthecoolersuntilmorning,andthenoncethecake’sout,wecantransferthebodyintothefridge.”
BigAuntturnstheideaover,chewingonherbottomlip.“Can.TomorrowXiaolingandmovermancomeoveratseven-thirty,movecakeintovan,thenyouallcancomeandhelpmovebodyintofridge.”IcringeatthethoughtofXiaoling,aspryyoungpastrychefthatBigAunthiredtobeherassistant,beinginthesameroomasthedeadbody.We’llhavetomakesuresheandthemoverdon’tgoanywherenearthewrongcooler.BigAuntsighs.“Deadbodyinmyfridge,sounhygiene.”
AcrushingwaveofguiltnearlyknocksmeoffmyfeetatthetroubleI’mcausingeveryone.“I’msosorry,BigAunt.I’llbuyyouanewfridge,orpayforthisonetobeprofessionallycleanedafterward.”
“Aduh,don’tsosilly,isokay.”Shegoestotheshelves,wheretherearethreegiantcoolersandnumerousboxesstackedinneatrows.Shepointstothebiggestcoolerandwavesusovertohelpslideitout.
It’samonstrousthing,easilybigenoughforJake,providedwe’reabletofoldhislegsup,whichisahellofathingtothinkof,buthereweare.Welookatoneanotherandnod.Thisisit.WeunwrapJakefromtheblanketsandcarryhimtothecooler.Ittakesafewtries,alotmorearguingfrommyauntsandmom,andquiteafewcursewords,butfinally,Jake’sin.Fortunately,becauseit’ssuchawarmnight,we’reabletofoldallofJake’slimbseasilyenough,thoughwedidhavetotakeoffhisshoes.Wefoldtheblanketsupneatlyandputthemontopofhim,coveringhimfromsight,andthenBigAuntgetsustopileallsortsofbakingsuppliesontopoftheblankets,coveringthem.Bythetimewe’redone,we’reallsweatyandthecoolerlookslikeit’sfilledwithbagsofflourandconfectioners’sugar.
Shewritesout:CANNOTOPENonaPost-itandsticksittothetopofthecooler.
“Ifyouwrite‘CanNotOpen,’peoplewillsurelyopen,”SecondAuntsays.
BigAuntglowersather.“Maybeyouoneofthosepeopleopeningthingsnottheirs,butmostpeoplemorebetterthanthat.”
SecondAunttutsandgrabsthepen.ShewritesdownonanewPost-itnote:BAKINGSUPPLYS,NOOPEN,HAVETOBECOLDandslapsitdownontopofBigAunt’soriginalnote.
“That’sprobablyfine,”Isay,quickly.“Thankyou,BigAunt.Thankyou,SecondAunt,”IsayinIndonesian.They’vehelpedmemovesomeguyIkilled;theleastIcandoisthankthemintheirpreferredlanguage.IturntoFourthAuntandMaandthankthemtoo.
“Aiya,thankusforwhat,wedidnothing,”BigAuntsays,wavingmeoff.
“Youliterallyjusthelpedmemoveadeadbody.”Idon’tknowhowtoputintowordswhatI’mfeeling,soIgiveherabighug,tearsshimmeringinmyeyes.We’renotusuallybigtouchersinmyfamily,butBigAuntacceptsthehugfully,herstrongarmsencirclingmetightly.“Thankyou,”Iwhisper.
“Ya,sayang,”shesays,pattingthebackofmyhead.
Weletgoandpushthecoolerbacknexttotheothercoolers,andthenpilesacksofflourontopofit.Bythetimewe’redone,itlooksliketheworld’smostinnocentcooler,definitelynotlikeonethatcontainsadeadhumaninsideit.
“Tomorrowwecomebackheresevenforty-five.Xiaolingwillbefinishupwithmove,andthenwemovebodyintofridgeandIlockit,”BigAuntsays.Shemutterstoherself,“Mustbringlock.”
EvenSecondAuntnodsinagreementwithoutsnarkingatBigAunt.We’reallsotiredbythistimethatwe’reswayingalittleonourfeet.Bedhasneverseemedsogoodtome.It’sagoodthingthatweallliveonthesamestreet.BigAuntdrivesusback,droppingusoffatourrespectivehomes,andMaandIshuffle,zombie-like,intothehouse.Ijustaboutmanagetopeeloffmysweatyclothesandtakeascaldinghotshowerbeforetrudgingintomybedroom.I’llhavetodealwiththeclothestomorrow.Burnthemorsomething.Samewithmycar.Cleanit,burnit,whateveritis,Idon’thavetheenergytodealwithitnow.Atthesightofmybeautiful,cozybed,mymusclesturntowaterandIfall,face-first,intothepileofpillows.Onlythendoesithitmethatwe’veforgottentosearchforJake’scellphone.Shit.Imakeamentalnotetoretrieveitfirstthinginthemorning.Wehavetime.Whenwemovethebodyfromthecoolerintothefridge,therewillbeplentyoftimetofindhisphone,ifit’sonhim.ThelastthoughtIhaverightbeforeexhaustionknocksmeoutis:Igotthroughit.Nothingcouldbeworsethantonight.Theworstisover.11
PresentDay
“—dy!Meddy!”Ma’svoiceslicesthroughtheroom,shatteringmysleep.
“Wha—?”Imumble,blinkingandgrimacingatthebrightsunlight.Isitmorningalready?IfeellikeIcouldeasilysleepforawholeweek.“Whattimeisit?”
“Timetogo.Yougetupnow.Weneedmovebodyandthengotopier.”
Theeventsoflastnightcomebackinadizzying,sickeningrush.Jake,thecarcrash,the—ohgod—thebody.Iburymyfaceinmyhands.Itwasn’tadream.Itreallydidhappen.Ireallydidkillaman,andmyfamilyhelpedmemovethebody.
Mabustlesinandputsaglassofjuiceinmyhands.“Imakeherbalteaforyou.Wakeyouup.Cepat,drink.”
Idoasshesays,tootiredanddazedtoargue,andIhatetoadmitit,butshe’sright.TheTCMdrink,whatevershe’sputinit,doesperkmeupalittle,slidinghotandbitterdownmythroat.Ifinishitandhaveashower,andbythetimeI’mdressedinmyusualall-blackphotographeroutfit,Ifeelmoreorlesshumanandreadytofacethegruesometaskthatawaitsus.IsendaquicktexttoSeb,mysecondphotographer,tomakesurehe’sreadyfortheday.He’ssupposedtogettotheresortanhourafterIdo,totakepicturesofthegroomsmenwhileIhandlethebridalparty.Sebreplieswithathumbs-upemoji.IpackmygearinthecarbeforedrivingtoBigAunt’sbakerywithMa.
Assoonaswewalkinthroughthebackdoor,itbecomesobvioussomething’swrong.BigAuntandSecondAuntarealreadythere,andthey’resnappingateachotherinIndonesian,sodeepintotheirargumentthattheydon’tevenlookupwhenwewalkinside.
“Oi!”Mahastoyellabovetheirvoices.“Sudah!Done,stop!Stoparguing,whatisit?”
SecondAuntscoffsandreleasesalaughthatsoundsmorelikeacough-sob.“Youtellthem,”shesays,glaringatBigAunt.“Youtellthemwhathappened.”
Dreadislikeastonedeepinmybelly,hardandjagged.Itrytoswallow,butmymouthisadesert.WhateverBigAunt’sabouttosay,Idon’twanttohearit.
BigAunt’svoicecomesouthushed,trembly.“Xiaolingandthemovercameearly.And—”
I’veneverinmylifeheardBigAunt’svoicefalter,butnowitdoes.
“Andtheytookthecooler!”SecondAuntcrows.“Youshould’vecomeearliersoyoucouldsupervise,butyoudidn’t.”Hereyesarebrightwithtriumphassheturnstousandsays,“Sheoverslept.”
BigAuntdoesn’tmeetoureyesasshemumbles,“IwassoexhaustedafterlastnightthatIsleptthroughmyalarm.”
MaandIstareindismayatthespotwherewe’dpushedthecoolertolastnight,andsureenough,it’sempty,allthreecoolersgone.Itstrikesmethatthisisbadnewsforallofus,includingSecondAunt,butnotevensuchcatastrophicnewsisenoughtodistractherfromtherareopportunityofrubbingBigAunt’snoseinit.
“Soirresponsible,”SecondAuntsays.BigAuntbristlesvisibly.
“I’mirresponsible?”shehisses.
MajumpsinbetweenherandSecondAunt.“Okay,sudah,cukup.”Sheflapsherhandsforabit.“YoubettercallXiaolingnow,quickly!”
“Ialreadydid.Shesaidthecoolershaveallbeenloadeduptotheyacht.”BigAuntsighs.“Shesoundedsohappyandproudtohavedoneeverythingwithoutmyhelp.Aduuuh,gimanaya?”
“We’llgotothepiernow!Maybetheyachthasn’tleftyet!”Macries.
It’sleft.We’retoldthisafterwearriveatthepier,sweatyandoutofbreathfromrunningfromtheparkinglot.
“Buthey,noworries,”thehotel—what’sthecorrecttitlehere,yachtorganizer?—says.“There’sanotheronecominginaboutfiveminutes.Youladiesareearly.Theonethatleftfifteenminutesagowasjustcargo,right?You’renotscheduledtotravelforanotherhalf-hour,”hesays,checkinghistablet.
“Weliketoplayitsafe,getplacesearly,”Iwheeze.“So,um,whathappenstothecargoonceitgetstotheisland?”
“Whatcargoyougot?”
IexchangeaglancewithBigAunt.“Um,cakes,mostly.There’sthegiantweddingcakeand,um,abunchofotherdesserts.”
“Okay,thatstuffwillgostraighttothekitchen.We’vegotorderstoputtheminthewalk-infridge.Soundgoodtoyou?”
Inodweakly.“Perfect.”
“Howeverythinggo?”BigAuntsays.“Gookay?”
Theyachtorganizersmilesbrightly.“Yeah,everything’sgoinggreat.”
“Great.”
“Great.”
Wetrudgeafewpacesawayfromtheguyandgointoahuddle.“TheynotknowJakeis,youknow—”BigAuntmimesacuttingmotionacrossherneck.
“BigAunt!”Ihiss.“Bemoresubtle,please.”Justtoplayitsafe,IswitchtoIndonesian.“Okay,”Isay.“Kamiperluuh…mikir…aplan.”Wow,myIndonesiansucks.ItryswitchingtoMandarin.“Womenxuyaoum…xiang…aplan.”
Masighs.“IspendsomuchmoneyonChineseclassforyou,allwasted.”
Igiveherasheepishsmile.“Um,so,aplan?”
“Aiya,sosimple,”SecondAuntsaysinMandarin.“Assoonaswegetthere,we’llfindthecoolerandoneofuscantakeitbackhere.See?Easy.”
“Easy,”BigAuntsniffs,shakingherhead.“Idon’tthinkit’llbethateasy.”
“Whynot?”SecondAuntsays,raisingherchin.
BigAuntshrugs.“Becauseit’snevereasy.Otherwisepeoplewouldgetawaywithmurderallthetime.”
Iwinceattheword“murder,”eventhoughshesaiditinMandarin.AndeventhoughIwanttohavefaithinSecondAunt’ssimpleplanof“getthere,findcooler,bringcoolerback,”IhaveafeelingthatBigAuntisright.Whenitcomestohidingadeadbody,it’sneversimple—alessonI’mquicklylearningfromthepreviousnight.
Wegatherourstufffromthebackofthecarandwaitfortheyachttoarrive.Whenitdoes,wesitinsilenceastheboatroarsbacktolifeandheadsofffromthemainland.FourthAunt,beingtheentertainment,won’tbedueattheislanduntilthisevening,soBigAunttellsmetoupdateherthroughourfamilyWhatsApp.Ofcourse,Ican’tsayanythingincriminatingoverWhatsApp,soItypeoutacryptic:
Hi,FourthAunt,there’sbeenabitofahiccup.We’reheadedtotheislandearly.Callmewhenyougetthis.
Ma,readingovermyshoulder,givesaloudsigh.“Shewon’tseeuntilshewakeupafternoon,thatlazybum.”FourthAuntistheonewhogetstosleepinduringweddingseasonandtheonewhogetsthemostrecognitionforherwork,andMawon’teverforgiveherforit,eventhoughit’stechnicallynotFourthAunt’sfault.FourthAuntlooovesrubbingthatinMa’sface.IguesstheirbeefislikeBigAuntversusSecondAunt,goingbackdecades,farolderthanmeandmycousins.
It’satypicalSoCalspringday,sunnyandsweltering,wispsofwhitecloudsinthedeepbluesky.Istareoutatthevastocean,atthedistantstripoflandthatIcanhardlybelieveisthemainland.Fromthisdistance,itlookssosmall.Foramoment,Ialmostfeelbetter,escapingfromeverythingthat’shappenedbackhome,butwhentheislandofSantaLuciacomeswithinsight,realitycrashesbackin.I’mnotleavingmytroublesbehind.They’rerighthere,awaitingme.AndforallIknow,maybeXiaoling,well-trainedhelperthatsheis,wouldunpackeverything.Thethoughtofherdoingthatissovivid.Icanpracticallyseeherdoingit,hummingassheopensupthecooler.She’llbenddown,removeallthepacketsofsugarandbric-a-bracwepiledontopoftheblankets,untilshereachestheblankets.Maybeshe’llstopwithaconfusedfrown—whywouldtherebeablankethere—andthenshe’llpulltheblanketup,and—
Aloudhornbellows,andIjumpupasthoughI’vebeenelectrocuted.“Ladiesandgentlemen,welcometoSantaLucia.WehopeyouenjoyyourstaywithusattheAyanaLucia.”
Gatheringmyheavycamerabag,IhelpMaandtheauntiestotheirfeet.They’reallabitwobblyontheyacht,andclingtomyarmsaswemakeourwayofftheboat.Westaggeracrossthebridge.Atthepier,we’regreetedbyanotherhotelmanagerholdingatablet.
“TheChans,Igather?”hesays,eyeingmycamerabag.
“Yes.”
Hegivesmyfamilyaonce-over,thenpointstoBigAunt.“Cakeandpastries?”hesays.
Myheartburstsintoagallop.Ohgod.Thisisit.He’sgoingtotellusthatthey’vefoundthebody,andthencopswilljumpoutfrombehindthosecolumnsliningthepier,andthen—
BigAuntmustbeonthesametrainofthoughtasIam,becauseshe’sfrozen,alookofhorrifieduncertaintyonherface.
“Hello,cakeandpastries?”herepeats.Heturnstome,wearinganexpressionthatsaysHelpmeouthere?
“Um,isthereaproblemwiththecakeandpastries?”Isay.
Hefrowns.“No.Whywouldtherebe?”hesayssnidely.
Weallvisiblysagwithrelief.“Yeah,she’sthebaker,”Isay.
“Good.Thatwasn’tsohard,wasit?”hesnorts,thenhandsBigAuntanIDwithhernameandthewordBAKERonit.“Wearthisatalltimes.”HeturnstoMa.“Andwhoareyou?”
“Flowers,”shesays.
“Florist,”Iadd.
“Okay,here’syourID,andyouwouldbethehairandmakeup?”hesays,turningtoSecondAunt,whonodsquickly.HehandsheranIDandthengivesmethelastone.Iturnitoverinmyhand,marvelingathowmeticulouslyplannedthisweddingis.Idon’tthinkI’veeverdoneaweddingwherewe’vehadtowearIDcardsonalanyardbefore.
“Ihavequestion,”SecondAuntsays.
Theguyvisiblysighs.“Yes?”
“Erm,yourboss—heokay?Heveryfierce?Heinbadmoodtoday?”
Hestaresatherwiththeworld’sbitchiestexpression.“Imean,Idon’tknow,it’snotlikewe’rebestiesoranything.”
Sheleanscloser.“Soyounotseehimtoday?”
“Ugh,Idon’tknow.I’mabusyguy.Idon’tkeeptrackofeveryonewhocomesonandofftheyachts.”
“Isn’tthatliterallyyourjob?Keepingtrackofwhocomesonandofftheyacht?”Isay.
Heshootsmeagloweringlookandsays,“Anyway,here’syourbuggy.Youguysshouldgonow.Toodles!”
Weclamberupintothebuggy,exchangingmeaningfullookswithoneanother.StillnoluckfindingoutwhetherornotthehotelknowsthatJake’snotturninguptoday.IthitsmethatIdon’tevenknowifthey’reexpectinghimhere.Lastnight,he’dtoldmethatthisishisseventhresort,soit’snotlikehe’sexpectedtoturnupateveryfunctionthat’sbeingheldatoneofhishotels.Butthenthisishismostambitiousprojectsofar—anentireislandownedbyhim,andthisisthefirstweddingtheresortishosting,andthebride’sparentsarepersonalfriends,sosurelyhe’dbeexpectedtoshowupandmakesurethateverythingrunssmoothly.Whichmeansthatatsomepoint,someonewillgo,“Where’sJake?Whyisn’thehereyet?”andthensomeoneelsewillbeaskedtoringhiscell,and—
Holy.Shit.
Hiscell!
Intheconfusionandpanicthismorning,I’vetotallyforgottenaboutit.Ijumpupandalmostgetflungoffthemovingbuggy.MaandSecondAuntyelpandcatchholdofme,andthebuggyhaltssuddenly,throwingusbackinourseats.
“Whathappened?”thedriversays.“Youokay?Didyoudropsomething?”
Icanonlyshakemyheadandwaveaweakhandathim,indicatingthatheshouldcontinue.OnceIcatchmybreath,Isay,“Kitalupahandphonenyadia.”
“Handphonesiapa—oh,”Magasps,herhandflyingtocoverhermouth.“Adadimanahandphonenya?”
Idon’tknowwhereitis.Ishakemyhead.
“Pastididalamkantungcelana,”SecondAuntsays.
Hispantspocket.Yeah,that’safairassumptiontomake,andIonlycheckedone.Howloudisitsringtone?Wouldpeoplebeabletohearitringinginsidethecooler?Theywillprobablystartcallinghimsoon,iftheyhaven’talreadybeencalling.
“Hereweare,”thedriversays,asthebuggystopsattheentrancetotheresort.Weclamberoutandthenstopandstareatthegrandentrance.
Thelobbyofthehotelisbuiltatopahill.Thewords“majestic”and“hallowed”cometomind.TheresorthasbeendesignedwithancientSoutheastAsianarchitectureinmind,withrichlycarvedornamentsdecoratingthegiantcolumns.Thelobbyisopenontwosides,offeringastunningviewoftheresortandtheoceanbelow.TheceilingissohighIhavetotiltmyheadallthewaybacktoseethetop,andsurroundingthelobbyisapeacefulpondwithbrilliantorangekoiandfloatingcandles.
Despitethegorgeoussetting,mychestistight,mystomachknottedpainfully.Ma,BigAunt,andSecondAuntallwearthesamestrainedexpression.We’regreetedbyareceptionist,whotriestotelluswhereeachofusneedstogo,butBigAuntinterruptsher.
“No,theymustcomewithmefirst,”BigAuntsays.
Thereceptionistfalters.“Um,buttheroomsareintheoppositedirectionofthekitchen.It’sabigresort.Hairandmakeupisexpectedatthebridalsuitesoon.Ifyougotothekitchenfirst,youmightbelate—”
“Isokay,webeveryfast,”BigAuntsays,risingtofullauthoritativemode
“But—”Theharriedreceptionistspotssomeoneandherwholedemeanorchanges,anglingherfaceinasweetwayandsmilingandflutteringherlashes.“There’stheowner.He’llbeabletohelpwithyourrequest.”
Theowner?Forasecond,myfamilyandIfreeze,makingpanickylooksateachother.
“Hi,Jeanine,everythinggoingokay?”asmooth,richvoicethatcanonlybedescribedasmoltenchocolatesays.
“Morning,sir,”Jeaninesays.“Iwasjusttellingtheweddingvendorswheretogo.”Shebatsherlashesathimagain.
Myfamilyturnsaroundandintroducesthemselvestohim,butI’mfrozentothespot.Becauseevenwithoutturningaround,Iknowwhoitis.Ihearhisvoiceinmydreams.Icanstillfeelhistouchonme,hisstrong,gentlehandsonmyskin.
“Andyoumustbethephotographer?”heasks.
Takingadeepbreathtotrytosteadymyself,Iturnaroundtofacehim.Theonethatgotaway.Theonewhotookahugechunkofmyheart,mysoul,withhim
Hissmilefreezesonhisface,andIseeyearsofhistoryflythroughhismindasIsayinahoarsevoice,“Iam.Hi,Nathan.It’sbeenawhile.”PART2?GIRLFINDSBOY(underveryawkwardcircumstances)12
TheyearshavebeenkindtoNathan.He’sobviouslystartedworkingout;eveninhisbutton-downshirtwiththesleevesrolleduptohiselbows,Icanseehisbicepsstrainingagainstthefabric.Hisfacehaslostitsteenagesoftness,givingwaytoadefinedjawlinethatmakesmyteethclenchbecausefuck,he’shot.SomuchhotterthanIremember,andIrememberhimasthemostgorgeousboyI’deverlaideyesoninreallife.Mygazeskitterstohishands.Noweddingband.Partofme—averysmallpart—squealsinwardly.
Hisexpressionisamystery—surprised,obviously,butalsoawholehostofotheremotionsthatIcan’tquiteread.Ishehappytoseeme?Horrified?Maybeboth?
“Meddy—”hesays,andhisvoiceisdeeper,butstillachinglyfamiliar.
I’mmomentarilydistractedbymyfamily’shalf-whispereddiscussion.
“Setan!”SecondAuntissaying.Ghost!
“Ssh,”BigAuntscoldsher.
“Itusetan!Itownernya,kan?”SecondAunthisses.
“Iseverythingokay,ladies?”Nathansays.
“Youtheownerofthishotel?”Masays.“Mr.Jake,isit?”
“No,Ma,thisis—”
“I’mNathan.It’ssonicetofinallymeetallofyou.”
Shit,myfamily’sgoingtobelike,“Finally?Whatyoumean,finally?”
“Wejustneedtogotothekitchenrealquick,”Isay.“Justgotta—checkonthecake.It’sthecenterpiece,youknow.Gottamakesureit’sperfect,okay,seeyou,bye!”
“I’lltakeyou.”Hetouchesmelightlyontheback,andjustthatsmalltouchisenoughtosendanelectriccurrentracingdownallthewaytomyfeet.
“Youmusthaveathousandthingstotakecareof—”
“Icansparethetime.”
Withmymomandauntsfollowingbehindandwhisperingamongthemselves,Nathanleadsmethroughasidedoormarked“Staff,”andwewalkalongwhatseemstobeanendlessmazeofhallways.
“Howhaveyoubeen?”hesays,glancingatmefromthecornerofhiseye.
“Good!You?”
“Itlookslikeyourfamilybusinesshasreallytakenoff.Ibetyoutakethemostamazingpictures.”Hegivesmeaninscrutablesmile.
“Itsurehas.Don’tleaveyourbigdaytochance,leaveittotheChans!”Ilaughweakly.Mystomachisnotdoinggreat.
Hebitesbackagrin.“Didyoucomeupwiththatslogan?”
“Obviously.Andyou’vedonewellyourself.Mygod,Nathan.You’retheownerofthisplace?”
“Well,partowner,”hesays,withadimpledsmile.“Therearemanyinvestorsinvolved.”
“Butyou’rerunningit?”
“Yeah.”
Pridesurgesthroughme.Thishasalwaysbeenadreamofhis,foraslongasI’veknownhim.He’salwayswantedtoworkinthehospitalityindustry,runhisownhotel,andhe’sdefinitelyachievedthatwiththeAyanaLucia.“Nathan,wow—”
“Excuse,excuse,”Masays,cominginbetweenus.“Howyoutwoknoweachother?Hi,I’mMeddy’smother.YoucallmeAuntieNatasya,okay.”
NathanstopswalkingtogiveMaafirmhandshake,lookingherintheeyeashesays,“Hi,Mrs.Chan—Imean,Auntie.I’mNathan.IwasMeddy’s—”
“Friendfromcollege,”Iblurtout.
Everyonestaresatme.It’sclearthatneitherofmyauntsnormymotherisbuyingthelie.
“Collegefriend,”Nathansays,andthengivesmeaforcedsmileIcanactuallyread.Onethatspellsdisappointment
It’snotyou,Iwanttoshoutathim.It’sme,andmymother,andmyaunts,andthefactthatwe’reonourwaytogolookforthecorpseofsomedudeIkilledlastnightwhowassupposedtobeYOU,apparently.ButIcan’ttellhimanyofit,sowewalktherestofthewayinpainfulsilence.
Inearlybreatheanaudiblesighofreliefwhenwefinallygothroughasetofdoubledoorsandfindourselvesinabustlingkitchen.Nearlythere.Thecoolermustbearoundheresomewhere.Nathanleadsuspastthebusychefsandchefunderlings,allofthemchoppingandsearingandstirring.TheyeachglanceupandgreetNathanaswewalkby,andhegreetsthemwithaneasysmilehere,apatonthebackthere.HewasalwayseffortlesslycharmingwhenIknewhimbackincollege,butnowhe’sevenmoreso.It’sobviousthateveryoneinhere,fromtheheadchefMigueldowntothedishwasherMing,knowsandadoreshim.
“Thisisyourworkstation,”hesaystoBigAunt,asweapproachaworkstation.Xiaolingisalreadythere,dozensoffondantflowersspreadoutinfrontofher.Shejumpstoattention,grinningwidelyatBigAunt.
“Morning,Chef,”shechirps,andthenhereyeswidenwhensheseestherestofus.“Oh,hi,Aunties.Hey,Meddy.Wasn’texpectingtoseeyoudownhere.”
“Xiaoling,”BigAuntsays,hervoiceterse.“Wherearecoolers?”
“Oh!Well,IthoughtI’dgetanearlystart,doabitextra,youknow.Iwantedtosurpriseyou—”
“Coolers!”BigAuntsnaps,andwealljump,evenNathan.BigAuntjusthasthatkindofeffectoneveryone.
“Fridge!”Xiaolingcries,hurryingtowardabigsteeldoor.“Issomethingwrong?DidIdosomething?Ijustwantedtohelp—”
“No,youverygoodhelper,”BigAuntsays,forcingasmile.“Youstaythereandfinishtheflowers,okay,goodjob.”
I’mabouttogointothewalk-infridgewithmyfamilywhenNathantakesmyarm.
“Canwetalk?”hesays.
“Notrightnow.Ineedtohelpoutwiththe—um,thecakes.”
Histhickeyebrowscometogetherinconfusion,andhegazesdownatmefromunderhisthicklashes.Iswear,thismanandhislashes.“You’rethephotographer,right?Whywouldyouneedtohelpoutwiththecakes?”
“For…the…photos,obviously.”Yeah,that’sit.“I’mtakingphotosoftheweddingprep.Youknowhowitisnowadays.Peoplewanttoknoweverythingthereistoknowaboutweddings,downtotheprepwork.”
“Dothey?Okay…”Hesighs.“Maybelater?Idon’tknowwhatyourschedule’slike.I’mguessingit’sprettyhectic,butifwecould—”
IstruggletokeepthesmileonmyfacewhenMapopsintoviewfromthesquarewindowinthesteeldoor,mouthingatmetohurryupandgetinside.
“Yeah!Totally,yeah,we’lltalklater.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”Iturntoleave,butNathancatchesmyhand,givingitasqueeze.
“It’sgoodseeingyouagain,Meddy,”hesays,quietly,andthesincerityinhisvoicealmostmakesmeburstintotears.Whenheturnsandwalksaway,I’mwhiskedrightbacktowhenwebrokeupallthoseyearsago,whenI’dforcedmyselftostayinmyroomanddonothingasheleft,heartbroken.Allsortsofemotionswellupinsideme,andIhavetofightbackthesobthat’sthreateningtoriseoutofme.Iwatchhimleave,strugglingtogetmybreathundercontrol,andthenwalkintothefridge.
“Lockthedoor!”BigAuntcommandsinIndonesianassoonasIgetinside.
Idoasshesays,wonderingwhatwe’regoingtosaywhensomeoneneedstofetchsomeingredientfromhere.Thefridgeislargeandwell-stockedwithcratesofvegetablesandfruitandotherassortedingredients,includingcrateuponcrateofwinebottles.Thereisaseparatesectionformeatsbehindaplasticcurtain.Myauntsandmomhavelocatedtherightcoolerandpulleditoutfromtheshelvesandintothemeatsectionsoit’snotvisiblefromoutsidethefridge.
“Okay,”BigAuntsays.“Buka.”
“Youopenit.It’syourcooler,”SecondAuntsays.
Normally,I’dstandbackandletthemfightitout,becauseyoudon’tevergetinbetweenatiffbetweenBigAuntandSecondAunt.ButrunningintoNathanhasrattledme.Ifeeluntethered,wild.Withoutaword,Ireachforthecoolerandliftthelidup.Iseewhat’sinsidethecooler,andIscream.13
It’schaos.BigAuntseesthecontentsofthecoolerandimmediatelyunderstands.SecondAuntandMa,blockedfromviewbymeandBigAunt,flaparoundus,yellinginsuchrapidIndonesianthatIbegthemtostopandswitchtoEnglishbeforemyheadexplodestryingtomakesenseofanything.Meanwhile,BigAuntisjuststandingthere,eyeswide,rattledforthefirsttimeIcanrememberseeinginmylife.
Everythingwe’vepiledontopofJakelastnight—theblankets,thebakingsupplies—arestillinside,butinsteadofaneatpilehidinghisbody,they’renowamess,packsofflouropen,whitepowderandcolorfulsprinklesallover.AndJake—
IhavetolookawaybeforeIlosemyshit.BecauseJake—ohgod,Jake—
“Henotdeadlastnight,”BigAuntsays,hervoicecomingoutalldazed.“Whenweputhiminsidecooler,hestillalive.”
“What?”MaandSecondAuntyelp.
MapushesmeasideandtakesalookatJake,hisfacenowuncoveredinwhatmusthavebeenhisstruggletotryandgetoutofthecooler,andsheshoutstoo.Butwhatsheactuallysaysis:“EH!THATMYLILYGUY!”
Allnoiseceases,suckingtheentirewalk-infridgeintosilence.Asone,weallstareatMa,who’sstaringatJake.Jake,who’sinaverydifferentpositionthanwhatwelefthiminlastnight.Jake,whosemouthisfrozenopeninwhatmusthavebeenacryforhelp.Jake,who—
—isbeingproddedintheheadbyacarrot-wieldingMa.
“Ma!Whatareyoudoing?”
“Ijustchecktoseemaybehesleeping,maybewecanwakehimup.Eh,AhGuan,qilaiah,”shesays.“Shiwo,ChanAhYi.”Shepokeshischeekagainwiththepointyendofthecarrotbutgetsnoresponse.“Aduh,hereallydeadthistime.Wah,thissobad.Sobad!”
Myeyesfillwithtears.It’stoomuch,allofit.Hewasawful,butevenhedidn’tdeservesuchahorribledeath.“Ma,I’msosorr—”
“WhoamIgoingtogetmyliliesfromnow?”
Istopmid-sentenceandstareather.Wealldo.
“Whyyoualljuststandlikestatues?Thisisbigproblem!Lilyveryexpensive,youknow!AhGuan,hegivemebestprice,and—”Shefreezes,alookofhorroronherface.Maybeshe’sjustrealizedhowridiculousshe’sbeingrightnow.“Aduuuuh!Hesupposetobringinonelastbatchoflilyforwedding!”Iguessnot.“Nowmyarrangementsallwillbelopsided!Aduh,gimanaya?How?How?”Sheflapsaroundatus.
Breathe,Itellmyself.Fortunately,Ma’slittlemeltdownseemstohavehadacalmingeffectonBigAunt,whostraightensupandbrushesherhandsdownherfrontlikeshe’scleaninginvisiblecrumbsoffherself.
“Okay,SanMei,”shesays.“Hey!”Sheclicksherfingerssharply,andMastopsflapping.“Stopthat,”shescoldsgently.“Isokay.Younoneedlily,yourarrangementsstillbeverypretty.”
Masmilesandgivesan“Aw,shucks!”face.Imean,reallynow,thewomanandherpriorities.
“SothisboynotJake?”BigAuntsays
Mashakesherhead.“ThisisAhGuan,mylilysupplier.RememberhebroughtmangoesfromIndoforme!IthinkhisEnglishnameis…Timothy?Tommy?Somethinglikethat.”
“ButMa,how—Idon’tunderstand,”Isay.“Yousaidyoumethimonline.Howcome—Idon’tevenknowwheretobegin.DidyoutellJake—Imean,AhGuan—aboutgoingonlinetofindmeadate?”
“OfcourseItellhim!Itellallmysuppliers!AhGuan,LinMeiAuntie,YiMeiAuntie,RongNaUncle,theyallknow.Ialwaystellthemmydaughter,shesoprettyandkind,butshestillsingle,aduh,howsherefusetogivemegrandchildren.EverytimeIgotgoodboytoaskherout,shesayshedon’twantto.Younotremember?Itrytosetyouup
“Okay,soyou’vebeentellingeveryoneaboutmydatinglife,”Isay,throughgrittedteeth.
“Lackofdatinglife,”SecondAuntsays,helpfully,fromthefarcorneroftheroomwhereshe’s—yetagain—doingTaiChi.“DrawBigWatermelon,”shesaysunderherbreath,swingingherarmsoutandup,“andthencutinhalf…”
Iignoreher.“AndwhatdidAhGuansaytoyou?”
“Wah,hesohelpfuldeh,”Masays,smilingandnodding.“Hetellmeisokayifyoudon’twanttogetsetupwithhim.HesayIshouldmakeyougoonInternetfindboyfriend.Isay,aduh,Meddywillnotwanttodothat.Hesayit’sokay,gotverygoodwebsiteforyoungpeople.Heshowmedatingwebsiteandsay,whynotcreateaprofileforyou,theneasiertopersuadeyoutouseit.”
Mymindspins.“Soheknewyouwereusingitandpretendingtobeme?”
“Ofcoursenot,yousosilly!Ikeepaskingyoutousedatingwebsite,butyoudon’twantto,sofinallyIuseitforyou.Idon’ttellAhGuan.Ijustuseit,andthenwah!Hotelownermessageme,andsokind,makesuchgoodmatch—oh.”
Thereitis,finally.Realizationdawnsonherface.EvenSecondAuntpausesherTaiChimovementtowatchasMamamentallydigestswhatshe’sjusttoldus.Herfacescrunchesuplikeaballoftissue,andhermouthdropsopeninanenragedwail.
“Hetrickme?Usemegettomydaughter!?”
BigAuntnodssolemnly.“IhearaboutthiskindofInternetscambefore.Iscalledgoldfish.”
“Catfish,”Isay.
“No,I’msureiscallgoldfish.Becausepretendgotgold,butactuallyjustafish.”
Iknowbetterthantoarguewithher.SecondAuntsnortsfromwhereshe’swobblingononeleg.
“Whatisit?”BigAuntsnaps.
“Nothing,”SecondAuntsays,raisingherotherlegslowly.
BigAuntturnsbacktofaceus.“Anyway—”
“Isjustsotypical,”SecondAuntsays.“Becauseyoualwaysknowbest,right,DaJie?DaJiealwayscorrect.WhodecidetoputthisAhGuanboyincooler?Isyou.Wejustfollowblind,don’taskquestions.NowturnoutAhGuannotdead,butwekillhimbyputtinghiminsidecooler.”Shepushesherpalmsoutinfrontofherslowly,movingherfeetinagentlecircle.
BigAunttakesadeepbreath.“Anyway—”
“Nowyougoingtotellusagainwhattodo,eventhoughsoobviousyoudon’tknowalso.”
BigAuntroundsonher.“Andyoudo,isit?Ifyouknowwhattodo,thenyousaylah!Don’tstandincornerdoingTaiChi;cometellussolution.”
SecondAuntpointedlyignoresherandcontinuesmovingherpalmsround.I’msureBigAuntisabouttoexplodewhenhercellphonerings.Shepicksitup,stillglaringatSecondAunt,andspeaksinrapidMandarin.“SiMei,you’reherealready?Okay,good.Yes,Iknowit’sveryearly,butwehaveaproblem.Comemeetusatthekitchen.Justaskthemtakeyoudownhere.Now,yes.”Shehangsup.
FourthAuntishere.Idon’tknowwhy,butitmakesmefeelbettertoknowthatthewholefamilyishere,eventhoughrealisticallyIknowitdoesn’tmakemuchofadifference.
“Weneedtodecidewhatwe’regoingtodo,”Isayquickly,beforeBigAuntandSecondAuntcangetintoitagain.“NowthatweknowJakeisn’tJake,andtherealJake—Nathan—isstillalive,thatmeanstheweddingisdefinitelygoingtogoonasplanned.Whichmeans,likeitornot,we’vegottoshowupanddoourjobsandpretendthateverything’sokay.”
They’realllookingatmefunny,andittakesasecondtorealizethatI’vejusttakenonaleadershiprolewithMYAUNTS.Whoa.Iquailundertheirgazes.“Um,sorry,thatwasjustasuggestion,Ididn’tmeanto—”
“No,youareright,Meddy,”Masays,smilingfondly.
BigAuntnods.“Youright.Theweddingcontinueon.Wemustgetridofbodybeforeguestscome.Ifweleavebodyhere,onlymatteroftimebeforesomeonefind.Okay,wethinkofplan.Sekarangjamberapa?”
Iglanceatmyphone.“Quartertonine.”
“Ihavetodohairandmakeupforbrideandmotherandbridesmaids,”SecondAuntsays.
“Aiya!Myotherflowersuppliersallcomingsoonalso,”Masays.
“AndIneedtofinishupwelcomecakes,”BigAuntsays.“Meddy,whattimeyoustartphotos?”
“Ijustneedtobetheretotakephotoswhenthebride’smakeupisnearlydone,soIhavetimerightnow.Icantakethecooleroutand,um—getitontoayachtandtakeitbacktothemainland.I’lldriveitbacktoyourbakery.”
“Okay,good,verygood.”BigAunttakesoutthekeytoherbakeryandhandsittome.“Hequiteheavyyouknow.YoutakeSiMeiwithyou.”
Inod.Normally,Iwouldhatetobesuchabothertoothers,butIhaveenoughself-realizationtoknowIwouldstruggletocarryJake’s—dammit,AhGuan’s—bodyoutofthecoolerandintoBigAunt’sfridge.I’llneedallthehelpIcanget.
AsthoughthinkingofFourthAunthassummonedher,there’saknockonthefridgedoor,andIlookthroughtheplasticcurtainstoseeFourthAunt’sfacepeepingthroughthewindow.Shewavesatme,andIgotounlockthedoorandusherherthroughtheplasticcurtains.
“Whyiseveryonegatheredinsidethefridge?”shesays,thensheseestheopencoolerwithAhGuan’sbodyinit.“Why’sthatthinghere?Wasn’thesupposedtobeatthebakery?”Shelookscloselyathim,interestpiqued.“Huh.He’snotbadlooking.”
SometimesIthinkthatMaandFourthAuntarealwaysatoddswitheachotherbecausethey’rejusttoosimilar.Priorities—neitheronehasthem.
BigAuntquicklyfillsFourthAuntinonwhat’shappenedandourplan,andFourthAuntgroanswhenshe’stoldsheandIneedtogobacktothemainlandtostashthebodyinthefridge.“Ijustgotmynailsdone,”shemoans,showingushernails,whichhavebeenblingedoutwithcrystalsand,onherpinkies,evenfeathers.Macringes.
“Whodonailslikethat?Howdoyouwashyourbumwhenyouhavefeatheronyournails?”Masays.
“Verycarefully,notthatit’sanyofyourbusinesshowIwashmyself.”
Mawrinkleshernoseandflapsahandoverit.“Sounhygienic.Sonotpractical.Youwon’tbeabletocook,bathe,clean—”
“Icandoallofthosethings!I’mabouttohelpyourkidcleanuphermess,aren’tI?”
Maturnsred,andIwince.Thelowest,mostpainfulblowsmymotherandhersistersstrikewithismeandmycousins.That’showyouknowthatMaandhersistersaretrulyfighting—theytalkshitabouteachother’skids.IhatethatI’vebecomealiabilityforMa,thatfromnowon,thiswillforeverbedredgedupasatrumpcardagainsther.Mynailsmaybeimpractical,butatleastIdidn’tkillsomeonelikeyourdaughterdid!
“Wearehappyhelping,”BigAuntsays,givingFourthAuntalook.“Iswhatfamilydo.Nowgo,quick.Welosesomuchtimealready.”
Nodding,IreplacetheblanketontopofAhGuanandclosethecoolerbeforegrabbingthehandleandpulling.It’sheavy,butitrollseasilyenoughonallfourwheels.Thehandlefeelsabitshaky,andIwonderifit’sbuilttocarrytheweightofafull-grownhumanmale.I’llhavetobeverycarefulwithit.
BigAuntwalksoutofthefridgefirst,andthenSecondAuntandMaholdopentheswingdoorsformeasIpullthecooleralongbehindme,followedbyFourthAunt,whofrownsathernailsasshewalks.BigAuntlooksasimperiousasever,notahintofguiltanywhereabouther.
Xiaoling,who’sbusyputtinggoldlusterdustonthedecorativeflowers,looksupattheprocession.“Theflowersarealmostdone,chef.”Shespotsthecoolerandcomestowardme,saying,“Letmehelpyouwiththat.Thebackwheelcatchessometimes—”
“No,”BigAuntbarks,andXiaolingshrinksback,hereyeswide.Ifeelawfulforher.Allshe’sdoneistrytobehelpful.“Youdoingmoreimportantthings,”BigAuntsays.“Mustfinishtheflowersbeforeguestarrive.Kuaiyidian!”SheclapsandXiaolingpositivelyjumpstoattention,scramblingtofinishpaintingtheflowers.
Imouthathank-youtoBigAuntandcontinuewalkingthroughthekitchen,tryingmybesttolooklikeI’mnotpullingacoolerfullofdeaddudebehindme.SecondAunt,Ma,andFourthAuntwalkahead,whichisgood,asanyandallattentionisimmediatelyattractedtotheminsteadofme.WithFourthAunt’sflamboyantclothes—she’swearingaflamingo-pinksequinedtopandbrightturquoisepants—it’simpossibletotakeyoureyesoffher.Incontrast,I’minmy“Don’tlookatme,I’mthehelp”all-blackphotographer’soutfit.Withanyluck,everyonewillassumeI’mhotelstaffallthewaybacktotheyacht.
Fortunately,thekitchenstaffisjustasbusyasbefore.Noonegivesusasecondglance;everyoneistoooccupiedwithchoppingandfrying.Wemakeitoutofthekitchenwithoutgettingaskedanyquestionsandbreatheasighofrelief.
Outinthequiethallway,ourfootstepsandtheclack-clackofthecooler’swheelsseemdeafening.Mamaglancesbackatmeandsays,“Meddy,youdon’tpulllikethat,youpulllikethis.”Shestops,adjustingmyposturesoI’mstandingstraightup.“Noslouch,thatisbadposture;lateryouwillhurtyourback.”
“Actually,”SecondAuntsays,“IlearnfromTaiChiQuanthisisbestposture.”Shecomesclosetomeandreadjustsmyposture,muttering,“Kneesbendabit,yes.”BetweenherandMa’sadjustments,I’mnowstandingawkwardly,slightlyleaningforward,kneesbent,armsallweirdandstiff.
“Aiya,no,”Masays.“Ibeentakingballroomdance.Iknowgoodposture.Chinup,Meddy.”
“Nooffense,butIdon’tthinkthatrightnowisthebesttimetogiveMeddypostureadjustments,”FourthAuntsays.
Inodgratefully.“FourthAuntisright.”Ma’sexpressionlookslikeImightaswellhavepunchedherrightintheheart.“Butthankyouforyourhelp,MaandSecondAunt.You’rebothright,mybackwasstartingtohurt.”
MaandSecondAuntsmilesmuglyand—thankgod—resumewalking.Wewalktherestofthewaytothelobbyinrelativesilence,saveforMamutteringtoherself,“Aiya,nomorecheaplily.”
Thelobbyisalotbusierthanwhenwefirstarrived.Ma’sunderlingshavearrived,wearingtheirtrademarkbrightredandgoldshirts,thecolorsofgoodfortuneinChineseculture.Withanexcitedsqueal,Marushesovertosurveythearrangements.She’sbeenworkingontheseforweeks,designingeachcenterpieceandflowerstand,overseeingtheworkmanshipmeticulously.Now,shebeamswithnakedprideasthecratesareopenedandherworkerstakeoutthemostelaborateflowersculpturesandarrangementsIhaveeverseen.Shebarksoutorders—thistowertotheballroom,thatvasetothebridalroom—andisabouttoscurryoff,givingoutmoreorders,whenshestopsandturnsbacktome.
“Meddy,oh—Iforgetabouttheyouknowwhat—”shesays,butIwaveheraway.
“It’sfine,Ma.I’vegoteverythingundercontrol.”
“Okay.Okay,youbecareful,ya.”Shesqueezesmyarmandthenisoff,shoutingtoaworkertobecarefulwiththepeonies.
Myphonebeepswithatextmessage.
Seb[09:51AM]:I’mhere!Superearly,butthat’swhatyougetfromtheworld’sbestsecondphotog!
Meddy[09:52AM]:Great!Gotothegroom’ssuiteandstarttakingphotos.
Seb[09:53AM]:Aye,ayeboss.
Ahotelreceptionisthurriestowardus.“Excuseme,sorry,areyouthehairandmakeupartist?”
SecondAuntnods.
“Ohgood,I’vegotinstructionstotakeyoutothebridalsuite.Pleasefollowme.”
SecondAuntglancesatme,hereyesquestioning.“Yougoingtobeokayornot?”
Ismileather.“Go.I’llbefine.”
“Okay,Auntiegofirstthen.Youbecareful.”Withthat,sheleaves,andI’malonewithFourthAunt.Andthebody.“Youdoingokay,FourthAunt?”Ican’tevenbegintodescribehowbadIfeelaboutdraggingherintothis.I’mtheleastclosetoFourthAuntoutofallmyaunts.Maybeit’sbecauseofherongoingfeudwithMa,ormaybeit’sbecauseshe’stheoppositeofmeineveryway.Whateveritis,I’vealwaysfeltalittleawkwardaroundher,andnowwe’resupposedtogoallthewaybacktoSanGabrielValleywithadeadbody.Thisisfiiine.Iamtotallyokaywiththisplan.
“It’swaytooearlyformetobeawake.”FourthAuntsighs.“I’mgoingtolooksohaggardattonight’sperformance.”
“You?Haggard?Never.”Ipullthecoolerupagainandresumewalking.“You’relookinggreat,Auntie.Veryglamor—oh.”Outsidethelobby,thelong,windingpathleadingbacktothepierismadeofloosepebbles.Mystomachdrops.HowthehellamIgoingtowheelthecoolerdownthispath?Whywouldanyonemakeapathoutofpebbles?!Thisisaseriousdesignflaw!Whataboutpeopleinwheelchairs,orparentswithstrollers,orpeoplecarryingdeadbodiesingiantcoolers?
“Wouldyoulikemetocallyouabuggy,miss?”ahotelreceptionistasks.
Istartle,andthereceptionisttiltshisheadatthecooler.“Letmecallyouabuggy—”
“Nope!Noneed!”
Hefrowns,confused.“But—”
“Igetbuggysickness,”FourthAuntsays.“We’llbefine.Thisoldthingisemptyanyway.”
Wesmilewidelyatthereceptionistuntilhegoesaway,lookingbemused.
“Nowwhat?”IwhispertoFourthAunt.
“Putthosebicepstogooduse,”shereplies,pushingtheendofthecooler.Itrollsoffthesmoothmarbleandontothepebblepath.WewinceatthehorriblecrunchingnoiseitmakesasIpull,andFourthAuntpushesitalongthepath.
“Thisisnotworking,”Igrunt,afteronlyafewseconds.“Peoplearegoingtowonderwhywe’renotputtingitonabuggy.”Sureenough,whenIglanceback,peoplearetakingnotice,throwingstrangelooksourway.ButthatmightalsojustbetheeffectthatFourthAuntoftenhas,beingtheequivalentofahumanpeacock.
“Pullharder,”shegasps,shovingatthecooler.
Itmakesmoreofacrunchingnoiseandbarelymovesaninch.“We’regonnahavetocarryit.”
FourthAuntdoesn’tlookhappy,butaswe’vegotnochoice,Itakethefrontofthecoolerandlift,andshedoesthesamewiththeback.Together,weheavethecoolerupandstaggerslowlydownthepebblepath.It’salongjourney,butwitheverypainfulstep,theresortisgettingfartherfromview.
UntilFourthAuntsuddenlystops,hereyesgoingwide.
“What’sgoing—”MywordsdieinmymouthwhenIturnaround,becausethere’sabuggyheadedtowardus,andincidentally,it’soccupiedbyNathanandanelderlycoupleIquicklyrecognizeasTomCruiseSutopo’sparents,thatis,theparentsofthegroom,a.k.a.thebillionaireswhoarefootingthestaggeringbillforthiswedding.
Nathan’sentirefacelightsupwhenhenoticesme,whichdoesfunnythingstomystomach.Mypoorstomach—itcan’tdecidewhethertoknotoutofsheerterrorduetobodyincooler,etc.,orflutterwithpleasurebecauseNathan,etc.Itcompromisesbygivinganauseatedgurgle.
NathanhopsoutofhisbuggyandsaystoMr.andMrs.Sutopo,“Here’ssomeoneI’dloveyoutomeet.”
Iswallow,mymouthdry.
Theoldcouplesmilepolitely,obviouslyasconfusedasIambecauseI’manobody.ButwhentheyseeFourthAunt,theyactuallygaspoutloudandgrabeachother’shands.
“Thisis—”
“MIMICHAN!”Mr.Sutopopositivelysqueals.
Mrs.Sutoposhakesherheadinwonder,mouthagape.“Isitreallyher?”
FourthAunttakesthisinstride.Shelowersherendofthecoolergracefullybeforesashayingtothem.Nathanhelpstheoldercoupledownfromthebuggy.Theystillcan’ttaketheireyesoffFourthAunt,evenastheyclamberdown.
“We’resuchbigfans,”Mrs.Sutoposays.HerEnglishisflawless,heraccentslightlyBritish.Belatedly,IrecallGooglingherandreadingthatshemetherhusbandwhiletheywerebothstudyingatOxford.“We’vefollowedyourcareereversinceyouwerealittlegirl.”
“Oh,that’ssosweettohear!Ilovemeetingmyfans.”FourthAuntgivesthemabighug,andtheypracticallymeltintoher,theirfacesbeaminghard.
“Youknow,oursonTombookedyourfamily’sservicesfortodaybecauseheknowswe’reyournumberonefans,”Mr.Sutoposays.
FourthAunt’sgrinisaswideasaCheshirecat’s.We’lldefinitelybehearingmoreaboutthislater,whenMa’saroundtolistentoFourthAuntboastabouthowshe’sbroughtingoodbusinessforus.AndIwillhavetonodandtellthemthatit’strue.Ma’snotgoingtolikethat.
“Butwhereareyoutwooffto?”Mrs.Sutoposays.“You’regoingthewrongway.Thehotel’sthatway.”
“Oh,wejustneedto…”Mybrainshort-circuits.Wejustneedtowhat?Ialmosttellthemthatwe’vebroughtthewrongcooler,butquicklyrealizethatIwouldbeadmittingamistaketoourclients.BigAuntwouldhavemyheadforit.No,Ican’ttellthemthat.“Wedidn’twanttotakeuptoomuchroominsidethewalk-infridge,sowe’rejusttakingthiscoolerbackrealquick.”
“Back?Youmeanbacktothemainland?”Mr.Sutoposays.
“That’sawholelotofhasslejusttostowacooler!”hiswifesays.“Nathan,dear,theremustbeaplaceforthemtostoreithere.Youcan’tpossiblyhavetheselovelyladiestraipsingallacrossyourislandandacrossthewateronsuchabigday.”
“Ofcourse,”Nathansays.“I’massurprisedasyouare.”Heturnstomeandsays,“Youcanstoreitinthewalk-infridge.It’splentybigenough.”
“Ireallydon’twanttotroubleyou.”
“It’snotrouble,really.”
“Nathan,dear,whydon’tyouhelpthelovelygirltakethecoolerbacktothefridge?We’llbealrightherewithMimi.Youtakethebuggy.We’llwalk,”Mrs.Sutoposays.SheturnstoFourthAuntandwindsherarmthroughhersbeforesaying,“Come,wemusttakesomanypicturestogether.Ohmygoodness,youareevenprettierinreallife!”
IwatchindismayastheSutoposandFourthAuntwalkaway.“Um,Idon’tthinkit’sagoodideatoletthemwalktothehotel.It’sprettyfar,andit’suphill—”
“Iagree,”Nathansays,easily.“We’llleavethebuggyhereforthem,andI’llhelpmovethiscoolerbacktothekitchen.”
“No,it’sokay,don’tbother,youmustbesobusy…”
Hepauses,givingmethatsmileofhis.Evenafteralltheseyears,itstilllookssodisarminglyboyishonhisruggedfeatures,instantlytakingyearsoffandmakinghimlookalloffiveyearsold.“It’sgoingtobeacrazyweekend,isn’tit?”
Youhavenoidea,Iwanttosay.
“Tellyouasecret?”Helowershisvoiceandmovesclosertome.Myheartthumpspainfully.“Imaybepissingmypantsalittleatthethoughtofeverythingthatneedstogowellthisweekend.Justalittle.It’sahugedealforus,andIjust—openingthishotelwasmydream.Myinvestorsareprettynervousattheexpense.Ireallyneedthisweddingtogoperfectly.”
Ignawonmylip.Perfectly.Right.Whichprobablymeansnocorpsesbeingfoundonthepremises.
Nathanrakesahandthroughhishairandgrimaces.“Sorry,Ididn’tmeantospilleverything.It’sjust—”Hesmilesatme.“Seeingyou…it’samazing,Meddy,andsounexpected.Imean,seriously,whataretheodds?I’msogladyou’rehere.You’vealwaysgotyourfeetfirmlyontheground,andit’sgreattoseeyou.”
“Ithasbeenamazing,”Isay,meaningeveryword.“AndI’msogladtoseehowwellyou’redoing.Imean,youopenedyourownhotelattwenty-six,Nathan.That’sincredible.”
Heshrugs,blushing.“Ihadalotofhelp.MettherightpeopleatJLL,gotseedmoneyfrommyfolks,gottoknowlotsofinvestors…Ididn’tdoallthisbymyself.Ijustgotreally,reallylucky.”
“Well,I’msureyoualsoworkedyourassoff.”
“Abit,”helaughs,andit’sexactlyliketheoldtimes,asthoughwe’vepickeduprightwhereweleftoff.Wemeeteachother’seyes,andallofourbeautifulhistoryunravelsinmymind’seye.Iremembereverysingledetail—everykiss,theexactwayhiseyelashesfeelagainstmyface,thesolidwarmthofhishands—withachingclarity.“So,um,areyouseeinganyone?”
Myheartstutters,andIshakemyheadfuriously.“You?”
“Myfamilyhasbeensettingmeupwithvariousblinddates,butnothinghasstuck.”
Ohgod.Icanfeelmycheeksburning,becausespeakingofblinddates,mine’sinthecoolerrightnexttohim.Asthoughreadingmymind,hepicksupthecoolerhandleandpulls,frowningwhenitdoesn’tbudge.
“It’simpossibletomoveitonthispebblepath,”Ibabble.“Look,don’tworryaboutme,you’reslammedwithwork,andlikeyousaid,you’vegotinvestorsupyourass.Justgo,I’llcallforabellboyorsomething.”
Hisfrowndeepens.“Letmedothisforyou,”hesaysinagruffvoice,givingthecoolerahardyank.Thetopofthecoolerpopsupacoupleofinchesforoneheart-stoppingmomentbeforeIpushitbackdown.Jesus.Icouldpassoutrightnow,Ireallycould.
Nathanlooksdownatthecoolerandcockshisheadtooneside.“Isthat—”
Ohgod.Itis.It’sacornerofBigAunt’sblanketstickingoutlikeafuckingwoolentongue.IwatchasNathanmovesinslowmotionandreachesdowntoopenthecooler.AndIdotheonlythingIcan,thethingI’vebeendreamingofdoingforthelastfouryears.
Igrabhisbroadshoulders,feelinghismusclesundermyfingers,andpullhimbacktofaceme.
“Meddy—”
Idon’twaitforhimtofinishspeaking.Ireachup,stillpullinghimdown,andletourmouthsmeetinaferventkiss.14
Thekisssearsthroughmyskin,singeingmyflesh,reachingdeepintomymemories,remindingmeoftheheatofourromance.Inthespaceofafewseconds,Itastethosecollegedaysoncemore—theDiddyRiesecookiesweusedtosharewithSelenaat11p.m.onaTuesday,thescentofhookahsmokeaswewalkeddownBroxtonAveholdinghands,thefeelofhishandcuppedfirmlyroundmywaist,sendinghotwavesrunningthroughmyentirebody.Thewayhemademelaugh,afull-on,no-holds-barredbellylaugh,andthenhowhe’dclimbontopofmeandkissmefully,withhisentirebeing,hisskinagainstmine—
Bythetimewebreakapartwe’rebothbreathless.Ilookathisface,andIknowhe’sthinkingofourUCLAdaysaswell.
“Meddy,”hewhispers,leaninginagain,catchingmymouthwithhis.Sosoft,andwarm.Newandyetachinglyfamiliar.“God,howI’vemissedyou.”
“I’vemissedyoutoo.”Myvoicecatcheswithemotion.Ihave.Somuch.
Hetakesbothofmyhandsinhis,gazingdownatmewithhisbeautifuleyes.“I’vebeenwantingtokissyousinceIsawyouthismorning.”Hesighs.“EversinceUCLA,I’vewonderedwhathappenedwithus.I’vealwayswantedtoreachouttoyou,butIwasn’tsureifyouwantedtotalktome—Imean,whathappenedbackthen?”
Mystomachtwists.“It’shardtoexplain.”
“Iknow.Igotthefeeling,especiallywhenIfoundoutyounevertoldyourmomaboutus.”
Icringe.Itmust’vebeenquiteablowtodiscoverthatyourgirlfriendofthreeyearsnevertoldherfamilyaboutyou.Andforhimtofindouttoday,ofalldays…Iamsuchashit.“I’msorry,I—it’scomplicated.”
Thedimplesappearagain.“Igetit.Familiesoftenare.Honestly,IthoughtI’dbemoreupsetaboutit,butseeingyouafteralltheseyears…”
Reliefsurgesthroughmychest.He’snotupsetaboutit!God,howishethisamazing?“Iknow.”
“I—”
“Hey!”someoneshoutsfromafar.
Webreakapartasifwe’reguiltyteenagers.Amiddle-agedmanwiththeworld’sbushiestmustacheisclimbingupthehilltowardtheresort.Halfwayup,hepausesforbreath,fanninghimselfwithapieceofpaper.Whenhefinallygetstous,hisfaceistomatored.
“You—”hegasps.
“Hi,Sheriff,”Nathansays.“CanIhelpyouwithsomething?”
Sheriff?Ifreeze.Myinsideshaveturnedtostone.
“Youcan’t—can’tdothishere!”thesheriffsays.
“Dowhat?”
Thesheriffstraightensup,stillcatchinghisbreath.“Thislargebrouhahathehotelisholding.Doyouhavetherightpermitforit?Idoubtyoudo,becauseIsureashelldidn’tsignone.Andthere’sastormcoming,supposedtohituslatertoday.Idon’tthinkyoushouldletthispartygoon.”
Despitetheweirdnessofthesituation,Nathanseemscompletelyatease.“Comeon,SheriffMcConnell.It’sawedding,andI’vegotpermitsfromthemainlandtoholdlargefunctionshere.It’salllegit.I’llhavesomeonecomebyandshowyouthepapers.Andyes,we’repreparedforthestormifitdoeshitus.We’llgeteveryoneinside.It’llallbeokay.”
“Mainland,”thesheriffspits.“Youmainlandpeoplethinkyou’rebetterthantherestofus.I’llbeback,justyouwait.Youandyourmainlandpermits.”Hestridesaway,mutteringangrilytohimself.Ireleasemybreath.
NathanmusthavenoticedhowpaleIlookbecausehesays,“Areyouokay?”
I’mabouttoreplywhenFourthAuntcallsout,“Oh,youkidsarestillhere!”
“Donewiththepictures?”Nathansays,cheerily.
“Yep.”FourthAuntwhisperstoNathanwhenshereachesus,“IthinkMr.Sutopoisprettytired.Mightwannagethimtohisroomnow.”
NathannodsandhurriesbacktowhereMr.andMrs.Sutopoarestanding.Halfwaythere,hepausesandsays,“I’llcallabuggydownforyou.Thatcooler’sheavy.”
“Don’tworryaboutus,”Ibabble,“we’llbefine.Yougo.”
Nathannodsatmeandgivesmeonelastsmilebeforegoing.Westandthere,wavingatthemastheydriveaway.IturntoseeFourthAuntsmilingslylyatme
“Um.Everythingokay?”
“Idon’tknow,youtellme,”shesays.
“Ihavenoideawhatyou’retalkingabout.”
Shenudgesmeplayfullywithherelbow.“Isawthatkiss.”
Mybreathcomesoutinaheavywhoosh.Damnit.ThelastthingIneedisoneofmyauntsfindingoutaboutmylovelife.“Pleasedon’ttelltheothers.”
FourthAuntgrins.“Youhavemyword.Oho,Idosoloveknowingsomethingyourmotherdoesn’t!Shedoesn’tknowaboutthis,right?”
Ishakemyhead.“Anyway,weneedtofocusonthis.”Inodatthecooler.“Whatdowedowithit?”
“Igiveuptryingtocarrythatthingallthewaydowntothepier,”FourthAuntsays.Shewigglesherfingersatme.“I’llruinmynails.”
“Yeah,Idon’tthinkwecancarryitthatfareither.Let’stakeitbacktothefridge,andwecanallcarryitdowntogetherwhentheothersarefree?That’llbemoremanageable.”
“Okay.”
Westruggletopushthecooleroffthepath,butonceit’sbackonthesmoothmarblefloor,it’sprettyeasytowheelitallthewaybacktothekitchen.
BigAunt’sfacelightsupwhensheseesus,thenfallswhenshespotsthecoolerbehindus.“Whathappen?Whythatthingbackhereagain?”
Itellheraboutthepebblepathandtheimpossibilityofwheelingthecooleronit,andshesighs,leadingthewaytothewalk-infridge.
“Pushitthere,”shesays,pointingtoacorner.IdoasI’mtoldandthenweputcontainersofpastriesontopofthecooler.“Maybeisokaytherefornow.”
Wesurveythecooler.Itlookssoexposedhere,inaplacewherepeopleareconstantlycominginandout.JustasIthinkthat,oneofthehotelchefscomesin,pausingwhenheseesus.
“Essentialpersonnelonly,”hesays.
“Theywithme,”BigAuntsayscoolly,andhefrownsbutdoesn’tsayanythingelse.Hegrabsacrateofvegetablesandleavesthefridge.
“Weshouldgetoutofhere,”Isay.“It’sobviouswedon’tbelonghere.”Notmeinmyphotographer’soutfitandFourthAuntinhersequined-flamingooutfit.
“Younoworry,Ikeepeyesoncooler,”BigAuntsays,aswewalkoutofthefridge.
“Ireallyneedtogodothebridalphotosnow,butoncewehavefreetime,weshouldmeethereandmovethecoolerout.”
Thethreeofusnod,BigAuntsaysshe’llletMaknowoftheplan,andIrushofftothebridalsuitetoupdateSecondAunt.Anddomyjob.
???
Thebride,Jacqueline,isradiantevenbeforeSecondAuntfinishesdoinghermakeup.Herskinhasthekindofglowthatonlyyearsofmeticulous,expensiveskincarecanachieve,andhernosehastheperfectarchandslightupturnthatonlythebestsurgeoncangive.Shecatchesmestaringatitandsayswithawink,“SouvenirfromSeoul.”Ilikeherimmediately.
Aftertheroundofintroductions—I’veobviouslymetthebridebeforehand,buttherearemanynewfaceshere,includinghermomandwhatseemsliketwelvehundredbridesmaidswhoareallwearingbathrobesandwalkinginandout,sippingflutesofchampagne.Thebridalsuiteishuge,easilybiggerthanmyandMa’shouse,withtwobedrooms,agorgeouslydecoratedlivingroom,andadiningroomwithalargechandelier.It’salsoamess;everyavailablesurfacehasbeencoveredbyacarelesslyflungdress,orheels,orhandbags,ormascara,orchampagneglasses.Awaiterswansaroundwithtraysofchampagneandchocolate-coveredstrawberries.
SecondAunthassetupamakeupstationnearthewindowforthebestpossiblelighting.Nexttoher,hertwoassistantshavetheirownworkstationsandarebusilydabbingatbridesmaids’faces.
ItakeoutmytrustyCanonandfitmyfavoritelensonit—afixed50mmf/1.2.IboughtitformyselfasaChristmaspresentlastyear,andit’swortheverygoddamncent.Thepicturescomeoutlush,thefocuscrispandthebackgroundmeltingintoadeliciousblur.Iusuallyhavetosettleforthe35mmwhenshootinginsidehotelroomsbecauseIneedthewiderangletotakeeverythingin,butthissuiteissohugethatIcaneasilyfiteverythinginwiththe50mm.Heaven!
“CanItakephotosoftheweddinggown,please?”IsaytoJacqueline.
“Ofcourse!MissHalimherewillhelpyou.She’sthebestmaidofhonor.”Jacquelinegrinsupatatall,slenderbridesmaid,whorollshereyes.
“Sheonlysaysthattobuttermeup.I’mMaureen.Nicetomeetyou,”Maureensays,withawrysmile.
“Yes,butitworkssowell,”Jacquelinelaughs.
“OnlybecauseIloveyou,youbrat.”Maureenturnstome.“Come,I’llhelpyouwiththedress.It’satwo-personjob.”
She’snotkidding.Thedressishuge,andittakesthetwoofustopullitoffthemannequinandhangitupagainstthefloor-to-ceilingwindow.Thesunlightatitsbackmakesitalmosttranslucent,andeverylacedetailshinesthrough.IwasexpectingaVeraWangoranAlexanderMcQueen,butthesilklabelsaysBiyan,whichisanicesurprise.AnIndonesiandesigner.ItmakesmelikeJacquelineevenmore.Itstrikesme,asItakepicturesofthedressfromvariousangles,thatthisisthefirsttimeI’mphotographingaweddingdressbyanIndonesiandesigner,anditfeelsspecialsomehow.ItrekindlestheloveIhaveforphotographyandwhyIdecidedtojoinmyfamily’sventureinthefirstplace.Ifonlyweddingphotographycouldbeallabouttheintimatedetails—justme,mycamera,prettydresses,andhappycouples,insteadofthefamilyobligationanddramathatcomewithit.Butnowissonotthetimetothinkaboutleavingthefamilybusiness.
Itakephotosofalltheotherdetails:thebride’sred-soledLouboutins,whichwillnodoubtkillherfeet,thelusciousbridalbouquetMahascreated,theinvitations.
“TanteYohana,”Isaytothebride’smother.TantemeansAuntieinIndonesian—Icanneverbringmyselftocallmyeldersjustbytheirfirstname.“CanItakephotosofthejewelry,please?”InChineseweddings,thebride’sjewelryisthelasttogoon,andisusuallyagiftfromherparents.I’vetakendozensofpicturesofparentsputtingdiamondnecklacesontheirdaughters,andwithoutfail,it’salwaysabittersweetmoment,fulloftearfulsmiles.
TanteYohanasmilesandushersmeintothebedroom.Shetakesoutavelvetboxfromthesafeandopensit.“Whatdoyouthink?”
It’sagorgeousset—earrings,necklace,andabracelet,allofthemdrippingwithdiamonds,arrangedinafloraldesign.Thesmallestdiamondinthesetlooksaboutonecarat,thebiggesteasilyoverthree.I’mlookingatasetthatmusthavecostthemoveramilliondollars.“It’sbeautiful,”Itellher,andshebeams.
“ItwasdesignedbyanIndonesianjeweler,youknow,”shesays,withobviouspride.
IhaveherstayrightthereintheroomasItakepicturesofthejewelry.Ineverletmyselfbeleftalonewithanythingexpensive,justincasethatthinggoesmissingandIgetblamedforit.WhenI’mdonewiththejewelry,IslidetheboxbacktoTanteYohanaopen,soshecanseethateverythingisstillintact,andshesmilesandreturnsittothesafe.I’mabouttogobackouttothelivingroomwhenmyphoneboopswithatext.
Seb[10:18AM]:SOS
Meddy[10:18AM]:What’swrong?
Seb[10:19AM]:Men.
Apictureappearsonmyscreen.
Istareatthephoneindisbelief.Sebisinthegroom’ssuite,whichisdownthecorridorfromthebridalsuiteandlooksidentical.Exceptinsteadofbridesmaidsswanningaround,chattingandlaughing,thegroomsmenarelyingdeaddrunkoneveryavailablesurface.
Sebsendsanotherpicture,andIgroanoutloud.Thegroom,TomCruiseSutopo,islyinghalfnakedinthelarge,claw-footbathtub.
Meddy[10:21AM]:Whyaremen??
Seb[10:21AM]:Tellmeaboutit.I’vebeentryingtowakethemforthelastfifteenminutes.
Meddy[10:22AM]:Where’stheWP?
Seb[10:23AM]:Idon’tknow,Idon’tkeeptrackoftheweddingplanner.They’resupposedtobekeepingtrackofthingslikethis!
Iswearundermybreath.
Meddy[10:24AM]:I’llberightthere
Islipoutofthebridalsuiteandrunallthewaytothegroom’ssuite.Sebopensthedoorandsweepsinsidetheroom,saying,“Ta-da!PresentingthemaleHomosapiens.”
“Goddammit.”Isurveythecarnage.Theroomstinksofalcoholandvomit,andthegroomsmenaresowastedthattheydon’tevenbudgeatthesoundsofourvoices.They’reallinvariousstatesofundress;morethanonceIhavetoturnawayquickly,mycheeksburning.“Um,’scuseme,guys,youneedtowakeupnow.”
Seblaughs.“Right,you’regonnawakethemupwithyourlittleteenyvoice.Yo!Guys!Wakethehellup!”
IjumpatSeb’sshout,butnoneofthegroomsmenevenstir.“Aretheyalive?”
Sebnods,nudgingoneofthegroomsmenonthelegwithhisshoe.Thegroomsmanmumblessomethingbeforefallingbackasleep.Insidethemarbledbathroom,TomCruiseSutopoisinasimilarstate.It’sabathroomfitforPinterest—smoothmarbleeverywhere,thebathtubaluxuriousaffairsetbehindalargepicturewindowoverlookingthehotel’sgardens.IpatTom’scheekgently.Hegrunts,butdoesn’tstir.
“YouneedtochannelyourinnerAsianAuntieanddoashoutthat’llmakeyourmomproud.”
“Ha,ha.IcanprobablycountononehandthenumberoftimesI’veraisedmyvoice.”It’sprobablytheresultofbeingraisedbysuchloudwomen.Ihaveanaturalaversiontoraisedvoicesnow.“Youdoit,Seb.Pleeease.”
Sebsighs,clearshisthroat,andshoutsloudenoughtomakemyearsring.Tomstirs,blinksafewtimes,andfallsbackasleep.I’mabouttoaskSebtodoitagainwhenmovementoutsidethewindowcatchesmyeye.
Ho.Ly.Shit.
It’sBigAunt,Ma,andFourthAunt,andthey’removingthecooler,staggeringacrosstheexpansivelawnwithit,and—ohgod—thecoolermust’vepoppedopenatsomepointwithoutthemrealizingit,becausethereisafuckinghandstickingoutofit.
“OHMYGOD!”Iscream.
Tomstartlesawake.“Wh-wha?”herasps,blinkingaroundhimandwincing.“Myhead.”
“Nicejob!IknewyouhadAsianAuntiewithinyou,”Sebsays,liftinghispalmforahighfive,butIrushpasthimandheadforthedoor.“Whereareyougoing?Youstillneedtowakethegroomsmen.”
“Justpourwateroverthem.Igottago.”Irunallthewaydownthehallway,holdingdownmypreciouscameraandcamerabagsotheydon’tbouncetoohard.Myheartbeatisaconstantroarinmyears.BythetimeIcatchuptomymomandaunts,I’mbreathingsohardIfeellikeI’mabouttovomitoutmylungs.
“Meddy,ohgood,”Masays,cheerily.“Youtakethatcornerandlift.”
“Whatareyoudoing?”Iwhisper-shout.“Hishand’sout!”Iliftthecooler’stopupslightlyandshoveAhGuan’shandbackinside.It’sonlywhenit’sinthatIrealizeI’vejusttouchedhiscorpse.Ashudderrunsthroughmybody.
Ma,BigAunt,andFourthAunt’seyeswiden.
“Oops,”Masaysafterasecond.
“Mustbewhenwegooverthatbump,”BigAuntsays.
“Whyareyoumovinghimnow?”Icry.
“Thefridgegettingsocrowded,peoplecominginandout,inandout.Ithinknotsafethere,”BigAuntsays.
“Andsincegotthreeofus,wethinkwecancarryallthewaydowntopier,noproblem,”Masays.
Iblink.Noproblem?Theirversionof“noproblem”istostrugglewiththecoolerallthewaytothepierwithhisgoddamnhandstickingoutofit?Thethoughtofwhatwould’vehappenedifIhadn’tspottedthemthroughthewindowmakesmykneesbuckle.Andwhoknowshowmanypeoplehaveseenthem?
“Yes,gotthreeofus,noneedyourSecondAunt,”BigAuntsays.
Insideme,astarimplodes.This.ThisrighthereistherealreasonwhyBigAuntgotMaandFourthAunttomovethecoolernow,ofalltimes.BecauseBigAuntwantstoprovethatSecondAuntisn’tneeded.IcanjustimaginethesmuglookonBigAunt’sfacewhenSecondAuntfindsoutthatwe’veresolvedeverythingwithoutherhelp.BigAuntwillbeall,“Yousee?Icanhandlingthethingjustfine,younoneedworry,”andSecondAuntwillbeallinwardlygoing“Fuckyou,”butthenoutwardlyshe’llhavetosmileandcongratulateBigAuntonajobwelldone.Ican’tbelievemyaunts’rivalrywitheachotherisjeopardizingusgettingawaywithmurder.
“Anyway,nowyouhere,wecandefinitelymovebodydowntopier,”Masays.“Ayo,cepat.”
Icheckthetime.StillabouttwentyminutesleftbeforeSecondAuntisdonewiththebride’shairandmakeup.Jacquelineisnice,butshe’snotgoingtobepleasedifIcompletelymisstheshotsofhergettingready.Butthenagain,adisappointedbrideismuchbetterthan,youknow,gettingarrestedbecauseyou’refoundinpossessionofadeadbody.Andnowthatwe’rehere,gettingbacktothekitchenwillbejustastroublesome.Wemayaswellseethisthroughrighthere,rightnow.
Withafrustratedgroan,Itakeonecornerofthecooler.Together,weheave,andthecoolerliftsofftheground.Wewalkasquicklyaswecan,andwitheachstep,myshouldermusclesburn,andmythighsshriekandbegformetostop
Itfeelslikeaneternitybeforethepiercomesintoview,andInearlywhoopwithjoyatthesightofallthoseyachtstetheredthere.
“Ladies,”theyachtorganizercallsoutasweapproach.“CanIhelpyouwithsomething?”
Welowerthecoolergently,andIturntohim.“Weneed(gasp)togeton(gasp)ayacht(gasp)backtoL.A.”
“Sure,hoprighton.”
“Oh,thankyou,thankyou.”MyfamilyandImakeexcitedfacesatoneanotherandliftthecoolerbackup.
“Whoa,whoa,what’sthis?”theyachtorganizersays.Whatadouche.Hewould’veseenthatwewerecarryingthecoolerdownthepier,buthe’swaitedforustopickitbackupbeforeaskingaboutit.Prick.
“Oh,it’sbakingsupplies.Myaunt’sthebaker,andweneedtogetthisstuffbacktothebakery.There’snotmuchspaceleftinthekitchen.”
Theyachtorganizer’seyesnarrow.“Ah.Caterers.”Hesaysitlikeadirtyword.“Sorry,thisyacht’sforguestsonly?”
Westareathim.“Isthataquestion?”FourthAuntsays.
“No?Imeanlike,it’sforguestsonly.Period.”
“Technically,I’mnotacaterer,”FourthAuntsays,flippingherhairback.“I’mthestaroftheshow,so.”
“Oh?Idon’tknowwhoyouare…”Henarrowshiseyeslikehe’stryingtofigureoutwhosheis.
“Whydon’tyouaskyourbosswhoIam—”
“No,wait,it’sokay,pleasedon’tbother!”Isayquickly.IfNathancatcheswindthat—yetagain—myfamilyandIarestrugglingwiththecooler,he’sdefinitelygoingtogetsuspicious.“We’lljuststorethisinthekitchen.Thankyou!”
TheyachtorganizergivesusthefakestsmileoftheyearandgoesbacktotappingonhisiPad.
“Kenapa?”BigAuntsays,andIshootheralookthatsays“Later.”Westrugglebackupthepierwiththecooler,andwhenwestopforabreather,ItellthemabouthowNathanhadseenmeandFourthAuntmovingthecooler,andhowhewoulddefinitelythinkit’sweirdthatwe’retryingtomovethesamecooleragain.
“Ohyes,thatsweetboy,”FourthAuntsays,grinningwidely.“Verytrue,Meddy.Iforgotabouthim.”Shewiggleshereyebrows.
Malooksbackandforthbetweenthetwoofus.“What?Whatisit?”
“Nothing!”Isayhurriedly.
FourthAuntwiggleshereyebrowsagain.
“Obviouslynotnothing.Whatisit?Whyyoucannottellyourownmama?”Mafrowns,apparentlyhurtthatI’mkeepingsomethingfromher.
“Aiyo,SanJie,ifyourdaughterdoesn’tfeelcomfortablesharingsecretswithyou,youshouldn’tforceher.Maybethat’swhyMeddydoesn’twanttotellyouthesethings,”FourthAuntsays.
Aw,comeON!Thesesisterlyrivalriesaregoingtobethedeathofme.Plus,ItellMaalotofthings.Okay,yes,Ididkeepmythree-yearrelationshipfromher,butthat’sdifferent.Itellhereverythingelse.I’masclosetoherasanydaughtercanbe.I’mthegood,filialone,remember?Iwanttoshout.Istayedbehindwhileeveryoneelseleft.SomaybeIdon’ttellthemeverything,butwhatmoredotheywantfromme?!
“It’snothing!He’sjustsomeoneIusedtoknow.Anyway,we’vegotbiggerproblemsrightnow.”Igesturetothecooler.“Maybeweshouldfocusonthis?”
“Yes,Meddyisright,youtwocantalkaboutwhereyoufailedasamotherlater,”FourthAuntsays.
Fortheloveofgod.
“Ma,Idon’tkeepanysecretsfromyou,youknowthat.”AsidefromNathan.LiterallytheONEsecretIkeptfromher.Imean,IeventoldheraboutmekillingAhGuan.That’sgottocountforsomething.
Madoesn’tmeetmyeye.“Idoeverythingforyou,andthishowyourepayme?Begituya?WhatdidIdotodeservesuchunfilialchild?”
Heeerewego.“Thisissonotthetime.”
“Thenwhenisthetime?”
“AfterwegetridoftheguyIkilled!”Ohgod.Ididn’tmeantosayitquitesoloud.Butreally,nobodydrivesmequiteasnutsasMaandmyaunts.Wealllookaroundtoseeifanyone’sheard,butluckily,theplaceisrelativelydeserted.“Please,Ma,canweshelvethisfornow?Iwilltellyoueverythinglater,Iswear.Idesperatelywanttotellyou,Ma,Ireallydo,butnow,let’sfocusoncleaningthisup,okay?”
Withasigh,Ma’sshoulderssag.“Okay,”shesaysinasmallvoice.“Wherewetakecoolernow?Backtofridge?”
BigAuntshakesherhead.“Cannot,toomanypeople.Theheadchefdrivingeveryonecrazy,peoplerushinginandoutoffridge,lookinghereandtherefortrufflelah,forrosemarylah,forthisforthat,justmatteroftimebeforesomebodyopencooler.”
Myphoneboopswithatext.
Seb[10:43AM]:Thereiswaaaytoomuchvomitinggoingonrightnow.Canweswitch,please?
Me[10:44AM]:I’llswitchwithyoulater.I’minthemiddleofsomething
Seb[10:45AM]:You’renotinthebridalsuite??Whereru??She’snotgoingtobehappyifyoumissshotsofherputtingherveilon!
Me[10:46AM]:It’sanemergency.Onsecondthought,canyoucoverforme?Gotakepicsofthebride.Soundslikeyou’renotgettinganygoodonesofthegroomanyway.
Seb[10:47AM]:Excuseyou,Iamgettingfantasticshotsofthegroomandhisidiots.
Hesendsaphotoofsomeguywithhisheadinthetoilet.Behindhim,anotherguyistakingashower,fullyclothed.
Me[10:48AM]:Gotothebridalsuite.I’llseeyouinafew.
Istuffmyphonebackintomypocketandtakeadeepbreath.We’rerunningoutoftime.Time.Time!“It’stime!”Icry.
Theotherslookconfused.
“Check-intime!Remember?Theytoldusourroomswon’tbereadyuntilten?It’spastten!”Icouldcrywithrelief.We’llbeabletostorethecoolerwithoutworryingaboutsomeonestumblingacrossit.Maybewe’llbeabletogetoutofthisunscathed.15
ThelobbyispackedwithauntieswearingGuccipantsuitsandhugevisors,anduncleswearingPatekPhilippe.Allthehandbagshangingofftheaunties’armsareBirkinorKelly.NoLouisVuittonorPrada;thiscrowdisstrictlyHermès.WhatiswiththeChinese-Indocommunityandtheirhard-onforHermès?Itseemslikealloftheguestshavearrived,eventhoughlogicallyIknowthisisuntrue;mostofthemareduetoarriveat2p.m.,intimetocheckinandfreshenupbeforecocktailhour.Buttheextendedfamilymembershavearrived—theauntiesandunclesandcousinswhoaredueearlyfortheteaceremony—andintypicalChinese-Indonesianfashion,thismeansclosetoahundredrelatives,allofthemarrivingatthesametime.
“Wah,lookatthatone,crocodileskinKelly,”MawhisperstoBigAunt.FourthAunttwistsherheadaroundsofartocatchsightofthecovetedbagthathergriponthecoolerslips.Itslamsontothefloor,andoneofthewheelssnapsrightoff.
“Aiya!”Allfourofussayit.
Headsturn.Curiousgazesfollowus.Afewconversationshavestilledastheauntiesanduncleswatchus.
“Tch,whyyousokaypoh?”Mascolds.
“Youdistractedme!”
“It’sfine,justpickitup,”Iwhisper,whichseemsridiculous,whisperinginsuchahugespacepackedwithpeople.ButIfeeltheweightofthosestares,crawlingovermyskin,andIneedtogetoutofhere.FourthAuntpicksuphercornerofthecooleroncemoreandwehurrytothereceptiondesk,wheretomydismaythereisalargelineofguestswaitingtocheckin.
“Noworry,Igotalktothem,”BigAuntsays.Wesetdownthecoolerandshegoesroundtothesideofthereceptiondesk.Shesaysafewwordstotheharriedreceptionist,whoglancesatherandthenturnsbacktothecomputerscreen,apparentlyignoringBigAunt.Herfaceturnsred,andshesayssomethingelsetothereceptionist.Fromwherewe’rewatching,IcantellfromBigAunt’spinchedexpressiontheexacttoneofvoiceshe’susing.It’stheoneshebringsoutwhenshe’sdispleasedwithus,aquietvoicefilledwithiron,impossibletoignore.ThereasonBigAuntisthematriarchofourentirefamilyisn’tmerelythatshe’stheoldest.Ifthatweretheonlyreason,she’dhavebeendethronedagesago.No,thereasonisthatshehasTheVoice.
Iwatchassheuseshersuperpoweronthereceptionistrightnow.Whateveritisshesaystoher,thereceptionist’sheadwhipsup,andshestaresatBigAuntwithaworriedfrown.BigAuntraiseshereyebrowsandgivesanod.Withasigh,thereceptioniststartstypingwithavengeance,andwithinminutes,BigAuntishandedakeycardwithatightsmile.Shewalksbacktouswithatriumphantsmile,wavingthekeycard.
“Wah,DaJie,goodjob!”Masays.
“Yeah,thatwasnothingshortofamazing,”FourthAuntsays.
Theirrespectandadmirationshowclearlyontheirfaces,andforoneguiltymoment,I’mgladthatSecondAuntisn’theretosourBigAunt’smoment.It’snice,seeingthesistersgetalong.
“Aiya,isnothing,lah,”BigAuntsays,thoughshe’ssmilingwidelyandit’sobviouslynotnothingtoher.“Ijustsaytoher—”
“Hi,Meddy.”
MyentirebodyreactstoNathan’svoicebeforemybraincatchesup,whirlingroundandanglingmyheaduptomeethisgaze.I’malreadybitingmylip—stopit!—buttheexpressiononhisfacemakesitclearthere’snothingromanticaboutthismoment.He’swearingapuzzledfrown.
“Hey.Hi.”
“Everythingokayhere?”hesays.
“Yeah,justcheckingintoourrooms,”Isayquickly,hyper-awareofthecuriousstaresfrommymomandaunts.
“Ihopeyou’refindingeverythingokay,”hesays.
Macomesupandsqueezesinbetweenus.“Suchagoodboy,”shesays,andtomyhorror,reachesuptopathischeek.“Sohandsomealso.”Ishrivelupanddie.
“CanIgetsomeonetohelpyoutoyourroom,Auntie?”Nathansays.Hisglancedartstothecooler,andhissmilewanes.“Iseeyou’restillstrugglingwiththatsamecooler?”Helooksatmewithaworldofquestionsinhiseyes.
“Yeah,wedidn’twanttotaketoomuchspaceinthefridge,andthisisallnon-essentialstuff,sowethoughtwe’dtakeitoutofyourway,”Ibabble.
MaisstilltouchingNathanalloverappraisingly,asthoughhe’sawatermelonshe’sthinkingofbuying.“Verytall,”shemurmurs,“goodheight.Youhavebraceswhenyouweresmall?”
“I—what?”
“Ma!”
“Braces,youknow,onteeth.”
BigAuntandFourthAuntsmileupatNathanexpectantly.
“Um,no?”Nathan’sfacehasthatglassyexpressionIoftenseeonpeoplewhenMaistalkingatthem.
“Wah,soyourteethnaturallystraight?Sogood!Meddy,heisverygoodspecimen,willgivegoodoffspring.Noneedtospendmoneyonbracesforyourkids.”
Myjawcrashestothemarblefloor.Nathan’sfaceissoredI’msurewecouldboilakettleonit.
“MA!”Igiveapleadinglooktomyaunties,andtheyfinallystopgrinninglongenoughtotakeMa’sarmsandleadheraway.Evenso,IstillhearMagoing,“Verygoodteethonhimkan?”IturntoNathan.“Iamso,sosorryaboutthat.Pleaseignoreher.”
“Don’tbesorry.I’vealwayswantedpeopletonoticehowstraightmyteethare.”Hegrins.
Ilaugh.“Okay,theyarefreakishlystraight.”
“I’vealsobeenwaitingallmylifetobetoldwhatagoodspecimenIam.”
“Uh-huh.You’reaprettydamngoodspecimen.”It’sonlyafterthewordsareoutthatIrealizehowheavytheysound.Doesheknowthatnootherguyevencomesclosetohim?Thatafterhim,Icouldn’thelpcomparingeveryothermanImeettohim,andthatnoneofthemcouldcompare?Andalso,thatnoneofthismattersbecauseIhavealiteraldeadbodysittinginthecoolernexttous??
Luckily,Nathan’sdistractedbyanunclewearingagiantgoldRolex,whostridestohimwithabooming,“NATHAN!Myboy,whataplace,eh?Youroldmanwillbesoproud!”
“Hi,UncleTimmy,it’ssogoodtoseeyouhere.”
“Listen,Nathan,AuntieSofieistiredaftertheboatridehere.Couldyoupossiblygetuscheckedinnow?”Themannodsatthelonglineofpeopleatthereceptiondesk.
“I’minthemiddleofsomething,butI’llgetsomeonetotakecareofthatforyou—”
“No,it’sokay,”Isayquickly,“whydon’tyouhelphim?Ihavetorushoffanyway.”
Nathangivesmeanapologeticsmile.“Okay.I’llcatchyoulater,Meddy.Come,Uncle,I’lltakecareofthisforyou.”
OnceNathanandtheoldermanaregone,Ihurrytomyauntsandmom.“Okay,let’sgo.”
“Meddy,wah,youmustgoforthatboy,yourmothercorrect,heisbestspecimen,”BigAuntsays.
FourthAuntsnickers.
“Canwepleasetalkaboutmylovelifelater?Whenwedon’thaveyou-know-whattotakecareof?”
Mymomandauntsgrumblebutthenbendovertopickupacornerofthecooler.Abellboyswoopsin.“Pleaseletmegetthatforyou,”hesays.
“No—”Isay.
“Noworries,ma’am,I’llgetthistoyourroom.Room202,isit?”
“Don’t—”
Hegivesusapolitesmileandgrabsoneendofthecooler.Mymindshort-circuits,butbeforeIcansayanything,Masays,“Aiya!Youbellboysalwayslookingfortip.Igotnotipforyou,yougoaway.”
Lookingshocked,thebellboysays,“Iwasn’t—”
“Yougo,shoo.”Maliterallyshooshimawaylikehe’sanaughtypuppy,andhewalksoff,shakinghishead,muttering,“Asians.”
Iwince,feelingtornbetweenangerathismutteredremarkandembarrassmentbecauseofourawfulbehavior.Still,Idon’thavethetimetoworryaboutthatrightnow.“Let’sgobeforeyetanotherbellboyaccostsus.”
Wepickupthecoolerandscurryofftotheelevators,eyesfollowingusaswego.Idon’tblamethem.Wemakeaweird-lookingteam—meinallblack,BigAuntandMabothwearingbigwhiteaprons,andFourthAunt,glitteredandsequinedandfeathered.It’sonlyaftertheelevatordoorsclosebehindusthatIreleasemybreath,butstillIcan’tshakeoffthehorriblefeelingthattoomanypeoplehaveseenuswiththecooler.Toomanycuriousglanceshavebeenthrownourway.Weneedtogetridofthecooler,andfast.16
Beinginthehotelroomoffershugerelief.Oncewegetinside,Iclosethedoor,lockthedeadbolt,andthen—bliss.Forjustonemoment,Iallowmyselfachancetorelax.Ileanmyheadagainstthedoor,closingmyeyesandbreathingdeeply.We’llgetthroughthis,Itellmyself.Wewill.
“Wah,lookthisroom.Bagusbanget!”Masays.
Reluctantly,Iopenmyeyesandturnaround.She’sright.Despitethisbeingthecheapestroomattheresort,it’sbeautiful—twoqueenbedspiledhighwithfluffypillowsandevenfluffierduvets,afloor-to-ceilingwindowthatopensouttoanexpansivebalcony,modernfurnishingsallaround.Andit’snicelyair-conditioned,givingusrespitefromtheunforgivingheat.
Itakeoffmyshoesandputthemnexttomymom’sandaunts’shoesintheentryway.Already,BigAuntandFourthAunthavegrabbedthethickterryclothrobesintheclosetandputthemonovertheirclothes.MaglaresatFourthAunt.“Excuseyou,yourownroomwillhaverobealso,don’tusemine.”
FourthAuntshrugs,tyingaknotaroundherrobe.“I’llbringmyrobebyonceIcheckintomyroom.”
Ihurrybetweenthem,breakinguptheglaringcontestbetweenthetwo.MawouldneverthinktoaskBigAunttoremoveherrobe,soifshewantstowearone,she’sgoingtohavetofightitoffFourthAunt.“I’llcallandaskforanextrarobe,Ma.Butbeforethat,weneedtoresolvetheissuewiththecooler.”
“Whatissue?”BigAuntsays.She’salreadymadeherselfathomeonthechaiselongue,leaningbacklikeafifteenth-centurylady.
“Well,unfortunately,waytoomanypeoplehaveseenusluggingthecooleraround.I’mprettysureitlookshellasuspicious,soIthinkweneedtogetridofit.Also,it’sclearthatifwekeepthebodyinsidethecooler,we’renevergoingtobeabletomoveitofftheislandbeforetomorrowevening,andI’mprettysurehe’sgoingtostartsmellingbythen.”
“Aduh,amitamitdeh,”Masays.
BigAuntlooksupattheceiling,quietforawhile.“Nouse‘amitamit,’”shesays,finally.“Meddyisright,bytomorrowbodywillsmell.Wecannotwaituntilthen.Weneednewplan.”
“Fortunatelyforus,”FourthAuntsays,jumpingintooneofthebeds,“we’resurroundedbytheocean.Justdumphimintheseaandbedonewithit!”
Myinstinctivereactionistorefuteher,becausemostofFourthAunt’sideasareflightyandnotatallwellthoughtout,andasMaalwaysgrumbles,FourthAuntisn’tthemostresponsiblepersonaround.ButthenIrealizethatshehasapoint.Asidefromburyingthebodyinthedesert,theoceanisn’tabadoption.Wecouldputhiminaduffelbag,fillitwithrocks,andthendumphiminthewater.Withanyluck,bythetimehe’sfound,he’llbesobloatedtheywon’tbeabletoidentifyhim.
Wow,mythoughtswenttoadarkplacethere.It’sshockinghowquicklyI’veadjustedtothethoughtof,youknow,killingaguy,togettingridofhisbody.IneverthoughtIhaditinmetothinklikethis.Once,Ifoundawalletwith$200initonthedancefloorofanightclub,andIactuallyturneditin.That’sthekindofrulefollowerIam.Butthethoughtofgoingtoprison,andnotjustmebutmy
“That’sactuallyareallygoodidea,Auntie,”Isay.“Allwehavetodois—”
There’saknockatthedoor,andweallfreeze.
“Roomservice.I’vegotyourbagshere.”
Perfecttiming!Irushtoopenthedoor,thenstepasideasthebellboydepositsallofourluggageinsidetheroom.I’vebroughtonlyasmallovernightbag,butmymomandhersistersarechronicoverpackers,andwithinminutesourroomisfilledwithgiantsuitcases.Itipthebellboy,andheleaves.
ThenIturn,grinning,andsay,“Okay,allwehavetodoisputthebodyinoneofthesebadboysandweighitdownwithrocksandthentonight,we…”Ifalter.Wewhat?Climbupwithaheavy-asssuitcasetothetopofthecliffandthrowhimdowntothejaggedrocksbelow?StealayachtanddriveitouttothemiddleofthePacificOceananddumphimoverboard?Allthesethingsareeasyintheory,butasI’mabouttosaythemoutloud,itsoundsridiculous.Howwouldwemanagetocarryituptothetopofthecliffincompletedarkness?That’sanaccidentwaitingtohappen.Andstealingayacht?Idon’tknowhowtoevenbegintodothat,andifwesomehowmanagedtogetourhandsonthekeys,noneofusknowshowtodriveayacht.Isthatevenwhatit’scalled?Driving?Ordoyouboatayacht?Thisishopeless.
“Wewhat?”Masays,hereyeswidewithexpectation.Ican’tbringmyselftoadmitthatIhavenofuckingcluewhatwedofromthere.
Myphoneboopswithatext,andIgroan,rememberingthatI’mwayoverdueatthebridalsuite.
Seb[11:35AM]:Uhoh,someonetoldthebrideaboutthegroomandbuddiesbeingdeaddrunkandshe’ssenttheMoHovertothegroom’ssuite.
Seb[11:36AM]:Oooh,MoHisreallylayingintothem.Theseidiots,Iswear
Seb[11:40AM]:Omg,turnsouttheyonlygotdonedrinkingatlike,9AM.Nowondertheseassholesarestillpassedout!!!
Meddy[11:41AM]:DoesthismeanIhavemoretimebeforeIneedtorushovertothebridalsuite?
Seb[11:41AM]:Yeah.Idon’tthinkshe’sgonnabedoneanytimesoon.Butyou’remissingoutonagoodshow.
Meddy[11:42AM]:I’llbeoverinabit.
Istuffthephonebackintomypocket,mymindwhirring,andwithaclickthat’spracticallyaudible,everythingfallsintoplace.Thepassed-outgroomsmen.Thecratesofalcoholinthekitchen.Thingsstartingoffwithcocktailhourassoonastherestoftheguestsarrive.
“Thisisit!”Icry.
Allthreewomenlookatmequizzically.
“I’vegotit!Forgetabouttheluggageandwhatnot.We’llhidehiminplainsight.We’llpretendhe’soneofthedrunkguestsandthenatnight,whileeveryone’sbusyatthereception,wecantakehimtothepier.Noone’sgoingtothinktwiceaboutyetanotherdrunkguy.Whenthecoastisclear,wethrowhiminthewater.Evenifhewashesuptoshore,they’lljustthinkhegotdrunk,felloffthepier,anddrowned.”
“Won’ttheybeabletotellhowlonghe’sbeendeadfor?”FourthAuntsays.“InCSI,theycantell,youknow.”
“Well,technically,he’sonlybeendeadfor—Idon’tknow,lessthantenhours?Becauseofthewhole,youknow,himnotbeingdeadwhenweputhiminthecooler…”Myvoicetrailsoffbecausehonestly,whenIputitthatway,thefullhorrorofthesituationisratherstaggering.Thepoorguy.Hewasashit,buthedidn’tdeservetodielikethat.
“Oh!Yes,yes,goodpoint,Meddy.Yes,itislikeoneofthosefishinrestaurant,youknow,theyaliveintankandthentheykillrightbeforeeating…”Ma’svoicetrailsoffasshenoticesourblankstares.“Nevermind,itisnotlikethatatall,”shesays.
Iloveherfortrying,though.“Anyway,I’mprettysurethatbeinginthewaterforawhileisgoingtomessuptheforensicsinvestigation,especiallysincetheweather’sbeensohotlately.Yay,globalwarming,”Icheerweakly.Badfortheenvironment,goodforkillers.
“Thisnotbadidea,”BigAuntsays.“Isnotgoodidea,butwetrappedhere,cannotgetoffislandwithoutcallingattention,sonochoice.Okay,Meddy,goodjob,wegowithyouridea.”
Ihavetobitebackmyproudsmile.It’snexttoimpossibletogetapprovalfromBigAunt,andforafleetingmoment,IgettheurgetocrowaboutittoSelena.ThenIrealizeIcannevercrowaboutittoanyone.It’snotlikeIcanWhatsAppSelenaandgo,“BigAuntapprovesofmycorpsedisposalidea!!!”
Ican’tbelieveI’msittingherementallybraggingaboutthismoment.Imustbedehydrated.“Weshouldprobablygetridofthecoolerinthemeantime.Maybelike,setuparedherring,youknow?”
“Whatredhearing?”BigAuntsays.
“Redherring.Itmeansadecoy,somethingtomisleadpeople.So,forexample,I’mthinkingwefillthecoolerwithactualfood,soifanyonewassuspiciousaboutit—whichIthinktheentirelobbyfullofpeoplewere—thenwecanalwaysbelike,‘Nope,there’sjustfoodinhere,see?’”
BigAuntnods.“Okay,yes,goodidea,thisredhearing.Iwillgokitchenandbringbackleftoveringredients.”
“Let’stakehisbodyoutfirst,andthenIhavetogotothebridalsuitetotakephotos.”
Weallstandup,themoodintheroomturningsomber,andgatherroundthecooler.
“Openit,”FourthAuntsays.
“WhyIopen?Youopen!”Masays.
“I’lldoit,”Isay.Ithastobeme.It’smymess.TheleastIcandoisopenthedamnthing.Iinchtowardit,andwhenIreachoutwithmyrighthand,Isweartheskinonmyhandcrawlsupmyarm.Ohgod,hereitgoes…
Iflipitopenandscamperback,shuddering.
Mymomandauntscranetheirheadsforward.
“Howbadisit?”Iask,frombehindthem.“Ishe—ugh,isheoozing?”
“Huh,”FourthAuntsays.
“Hmm,”BigAuntsays.
“Mylilyflowers,”Masighs.
Thisisimpossible.Ipushpastthemandlook.Andhuh.Imean,asfarascorpsesgo,itcouldbeworse.ThefirstthingInoticeabouthimishowpaleheis.Whichshouldbeexpected,andintheoryIknewhe’dhardlyberosy-cheeked,butseeingitinpersonisstillabitofashock.
“Okay.Let’sdothis,”Ichirp.Noonemoves.
BigAuntorders,“SanMei,youtakeleftarm,SiMei,youtakerightone,Meddy,youtakeleftleg.Itakerightleg.”Weallnod.ThankgodforBigAunt.Stillnoneofusmoves,notevenBigAunt.Nobodywantstotouchacorpse.BigAuntclapshardandbarks,“Cepat!”Andweallsnapforward.Thisisit.Idon’tletmyselfthinktwicebeforegrabbingoneofthelegs,rightbelowtheknee.
Ohgod,ohgod,I’mtouchingit.Argh.WhateverIthoughtaboutcorpsesandhowtheyfelt,touchinganactualoneisamilliontimesworse.Rigormortismustbesettingin,becausehe’ssuper-stiff.Itfeelsasthoughhe’sflexingallofhismuscles.Whichisjustsowrong,thinkingofhimflexinganythingatall.
“Okay,nowlift,”BigAuntsays,andasone,wedoso.
AndAhGuanburps.Weallshriekanddrophimandclamberoveroneanothertogetawayfromhim.Wecrowdaroundtheotherendoftheroom,gaspingandstaringattheopencooler.
“Ishealive?”FourthAuntcries.
“AhGuan,ah,isme,AuntieNatasya.Hello,AhGuan?Youawakeornot?”Masays,smilingmanically,asthoughhecouldseeherfromhere.
I’mthefirsttorealizewhatmusthavehappened.“Ithinkitwasjusttrappedairfrominsidehimcomingout.It’spartofthedyingprocess.”
Theyalllookatmewithamixtureofhorrorandawe.
“Meddy,howdoyouknowsuchthings?”Masays.
Ishrug.“TheInternet?Idon’tknow,thereislotsofrandominformationyoucomeacrossjustbysurfingtheweb.”Or,moreaccurately,byspendingyoureveningsstuffingpotatochipsinyourgobandgoingthroughReddit.
BigAuntnods,stilllookingshocked.“Verygood,Meddy,youstudysohard.”
Andagain,partofmewantstocrow,“BigAuntthinksIstudyhard!”Asmallpart,though.Tiny.
MapracticallypreenswhenBigAuntsaysthat,andFourthAuntrollshereyes.
“Okay,let’sdoitagain,”Isay,emboldenedbymyknowledge.“Anddon’tbeshockedifheburpsagain.Orfarts.”
Grimacing,wealltiptoebacktothecooler.Iguesswe’realltiptoeingbecauseeventhoughlogicallyweknowI’mrightaboutgasmerelyescapingadeadbody,we’restillhalf-expectinghimtoleapoutofthecoolerand,Idon’tknow,attackusforkillinghim.WhichIrealizemakeszerosense,butit’shardtobelogicalwhenitcomestomovingaguyyoukilledthenightbefore.
“Okay,so.Everyonetakealimb.”Andthistime,theyactuallydowhatItellthem.Idon’tthinkI’veeverorderedBigAunttodoanythingbefore,andit’sanincrediblefeelingwhenshetakesAhGuan’srightleg.Welifthimuponcemore,andthistime,nonoisescomeoutofhim,thankgod.Westaggertowardthenearestbedanddrophimontopofit,thenstepbackandsurveyourhandiwork.
“Ifwewanttodisguisehimasadrunkguest,we’llhavetocleanhimupalittle.”Luckily,there’snotsomuchbloodonhim.There’sjustabitofdriedbloodonthesideofhisneckfromhisear.Oncewegetthatoffandputsunglassesandasuitonhim,he’lllookthepart.
Asuit.Sunglasses.Wherethehellarewegoingtogetthose?
“Needtodresshimnicer,”Masays,asifreadingmymind.
“Dresshimnicer?Youmeanputhiminasuit?”FourthAuntsays.“Wherearewegoingtogetasuitfrom?”
“Isnotbadidea,”BigAuntsays.She’stakenoutatoothpickfromsomewhere—BigAuntalwayshastoothpicksonher—andiscleaninghernailswithit.Shealwayshassugarandfondantandstuffstuckunderhernails,whichmakessense.Usually,seeinghercleanhernailsgrossesmeoutalittle,butrightnow,it’ssurprisinglycalming.Like,theskycouldbefallingandthere’sadeadbodyonmybed,butbygod,BigAuntwillhavecleannails.“Icangetsuit.”
Weallstareather.She’snotevenlookingatus;she’sallfocusedonhernails.“Where,BigAunt?”
Shefrownsasshemaneuversthetoothpickthroughatrickybit.“Inoticelaundryroomnexttokitchen.Guestsendtheirdressandsuittolaundryroomtodrycleanoriron.Igoinside,takesuit,done!”Shelooksup,smiling.
Coulditreallybethateasy?Butthenagain,it’snotlikewehaveanyotherchoice.“Thankyou,Auntie.That—yeah,thatwouldbeamazing.Ihavetorunnow,Ineedtogetbacktothebridalsuite,butI’llgetbackhereassoonasIcan.”
“Okay,yougo,Icheckonflowers,”Masays,wavingmeoff.
“Iguessthatleavesmetolookafterthecorpse,then,”FourthAuntmutters
Igrimace.“I’msosorry,FourthAunt.”
“Meh.Couldbeworse.”Shesettlesontheotherbed,makingherselfcomfortable,andgrabstheTVremote.“Don’tbetoolong.”
Weallpromisewe’llbebacksoon,andoffwegotohandlethenextcrisis.OnethingIcansayabouttheweddingswedo:theyarecertainlyneverdull.17
Thebridalsuiteisamess.IfindSecondAuntinherworkcorner,tryingtoputthefinishingtouchesonJacqueline’shairwhileJacquelinevisiblytriesnottocry.MaureenholdsJacqueline’shandstight,speakingtoherinalow,comfortingtoneofvoice.
“Ican’tbelievehe’sdrunk,”Jacquelinesays.“Onourweddingday!”
“Iknow,”Maureensays,rubbingJacqueline’sarms.“ButIthinkhe’ssoberinguprightnow.He’llprobablybeokay.”
SecondAuntbrightensupwhenshespotsme.“Ah,photographerishere,younocryanymore,okay?Laterruinpicture.”
“Whocaresaboutpicturesanymore?Mygroomisadumbass!”Jacquelinecries.
“Oh,sweetie.”Maureenpullsherintoahug.
Ibitemylipandgivethetwoofthemabitofspace.Thetruthis,peopleoftenjudgebridesforbeinghigh-strungandcallthem“bridezillas,”buthonestly,withoutagroomlikeTom,Jacquelinewould’vebeenaperfectlycalmbride.Afterafewminutes,Igentlysay,“Seb’soverinthegroom’ssuite,helpingthegroomandgroomsmengetready.It’llallworkoutokay.”
Jacqueline’schintrembles,andhereyesshinewithtears.“It’sjust—we’vebeenplanningthisforoverayear,andeverybody’shere,and—”
“Iknow.”IcrouchdownsoIcanlookherintheeye.“Andeverybodyisgoingtoenjoythemselvesandrememberthisasoneofthemostbeautifulweddingsthey’veeverattended,withthemostgorgeousbridethey’veeverseen.”
Asadsmiletouchesherlips.“ButevenifTomandhisgroomsmendowakeupintime,they’lllookawful,andTomwon’tevenbeabletoenjoyhisownweddingday.”
“Ifyouwanttocalltheweddingofforpostponeitorwhatever,youcan,”Maureensays.
Myheartdoessomecomplicatedgymnasticsmove.Yesss,calloffthewedding!We’dbeabletoleaveearlywiththebody—
Jacquelineshakesherhead.“PeoplehaveflownallthewayfromIndotogethere.IfIcanceledittherewouldbehelltopay.”Shetakesadeepbreath.“I’llbefine.Tom’stherightguyforme.I’vejustgottogetthroughtoday,andthenwe’llbefine.Hemakesashittygroom,buthe’llbetheperfecthusband.”
Ihavetoconsciouslystopmyselffromsighingoutloudindisappointmentatthemissedopportunityforus.
SecondAuntresumesputtingonthefinishingtoucheswhileIaimmycameraatJacquelineandtakepictures.Thisisusuallyoneofmyfavoritepartsoftheday—takingphotosofthebride.Thereisnodoubtthatthebrideisthehighlightofeverywedding.There’sjustsomethingabouttakingpicturesofawomanwearingagauzy,frothyweddingdress
Oncewe’redone,SecondAuntandIleave,givingJacquelineandMaureensomeprivacytobitchsomemoreabouttheidiotgroomandhisidiotfriends.Aswewalkoutoftheroom,IturnandcatchaglimpseofMaureengivingJacquelineaquickhugwhilespeakinginareassuringtonetoher,andI’mgladthatJacquelinehassuchagoodfriendtoleanon.Outsidethebridalsuite,IquicklyfillSecondAuntinonwhat’shappened.
“SonowwejustwaitingforBigAunttostealsuitfromlaundryroom?”shesays,incredulously.
Putthatway,itdoessoundprettycrazy.Itsoundslikethekindofplanthathasaboutagazillionwaystogowrong.“Well,wecouldn’tthinkofanythingelse,andthatcooler’sbeenseenbyjustabouteverybody.”
“IsallBigAunt’sfault,”SecondAuntsays,triumphantly.
“Well,Iwouldn’tsaythat.Thefridgewasjusttoobusy,peoplecominginandout.”
“Nobodynoticecooler,especiallyifwestackatbottom.Yousee,thisiswhatBigAuntdo.Shethinksheknowsbetter,soshejustdosomethingwithoutaskingeveryone.Intheend,shecreatebiggermess.”
“Imean—it’sadifficultsituation.Idon’tthinkthereareanyrightanswers,youknow?”
SecondAuntharrumphs.“Ibeentellingeveryoneforsolong,cannotjustrelyonBigAunt,buteveryonealwaysask,‘BigAunt,isthisokay?Isthatokay?’HowwouldBigAuntknow?No,cannotrelyonher.Iwillthinkofsomething,betteridea.”
“Uh.”Thisfeelsbadinatoo-many-cooks-spoil-the-soupkindofway.“Ireallydon’tthink—”
“Yougobackinside,teaceremonygoingtostartsoon.Yougetready.”Withthat,shewalksoff,wearingafirmexpressionofsomeonewhoknowsabsolutelywhatshe’sabouttodo.
Istandthereforawhile,hesitating.Ishouldstopher.OrshouldI?Idon’tknow.I’vebeenraisednevertogoagainstmyelders.LikeIsaid,it’sadifficultsituationwithnorightanswer,andlefttomyowndevices,Iwould…well,Ihonestlydon’tknowwhatI’ddo.Killingadudeandcoveringupsaiddudeareallabitoutofmynormalcomfortzone.
It’sbarelynoon.Unbelievable.Ifeelasthoughit’stheendofaverylongday,butnowitturnsoutthere’sstillsometimebeforethepenjemputanceremony.InChinese-Indoweddings,thegroomandgroomsmengotothebride’shouse(orincaseswherethebride’salreadyatthehotel,tothebride’ssuite).Thebridesmaidsaresupposedtogreetthematthedoorandmakethemdoaseriesofembarrassingstuntsbeforethey’reallowedtowalkthroughthedoorandjemput—pickup—thebride.IwonderwhattorturousstuntsJacqueline’sfriendshaveconcocted,especiallytogetbackattheguysforgettingsoshit-faced.Despitemyself,Ismileatthethought.Theydeserveabitofass-whooping,honestly.
“Well,atleastsomebody’shavingagoodtime.”
IlookuptoseeNathancomingdownthecorridor.“Oh,hey.”Ican’tstopthesmilefromspreadingacrossmyface.Thesightofhim.Ican’tdescribeit.Imean,objectivelyhe’sgorgeous,obviously,butthere’salsosomethingabouthimthatmakesmefeelthatI’vecomehomeafteralongday.
“Justcameoutfromthegroom’ssuite,”hesayswithasigh.
“Oof.How’retheydoing?”
“Well,they’reawake,sothere’sthat,butacoupleofthemaretryingtoshifttheblamebysayingthattheirdrinksmust’vebeenspikedinorderforthemtogetthatdrunk.”
Istareathiminhorror.“Seriously?”Howfuckingentitledcanyouget?
Nathansighsagain.“Yep,seriously.Unfortunately,thiskindofthingisn’tunique.Youwon’tbelievethenumberoftimesguestshaveblamedusforsomerandomthingjusttocovertheirassesorgetafreebie.”
“Thatsucks.Iempathize.Idealwithpeopleonthemoststressfuldayoftheirlives,so…yeah.Idon’tusuallyseethebestsideofthem.”
Hismouthquirksintoacrookedsmilethatdoublesmyheartrate.“Didyoumean‘thehappiestdayoftheirlives’?”
“ImeantwhatImeant,dude.Sure,it’sahappyoccasionwithsometrulybeautifulmoments,butit’salsostressfulashell,especiallywhenyou’reChinese-Indoandneedtoinvitetwothousandpeopletoyourwedding.”
“True.”HecontinuessmilingatmeasifI’mveryinterestinginsteadofawildlyrantingweirdo.“So,um,Ihaveaconfessiontomake.”
Ihavetoswallowbeforespeaking“Yeah?”
“I’vebeenthinkingalot.”
“Uh-oh.Don’toverdoit.”
Hissmilewidens,andI’mtreatedtoafullviewofitsgorgeousness.It’safull-onassault.Hisfaceshouldbeillegal,thewayhisdarkchocolateeyescrinkleattheedgesandthewaythosedimplesappear.HelookslikeacombinationofDanielHenneyandLewisTan,acombinationthatiswaaaytoohotforhisowngood.
“I’vemainlybeenthinkingaboutfeet.”
“Uh.”Okay,thisisnotwhereIthoughttheconversationwasgoingtogo.“Well,I’mgladthatyou’vepickedupafetishsincecollege…?”IsmileinwhatIhopeisaveryopen-mindedway.Ithinkthesmileendsuplookingslightlydemented.
Nathanlaughs.“Sorry,Iwasn’tbeingclear.Thoughit’sinterestingthatthat’swhereyourmindwent.”
“Oh,likethere’sadifferentwaytotake‘I’vebeenthinkingaboutfeet’?”
“Goodpoint.Anyway,morespecifically,I’vebeenthinkingaboutyourfeet.”Hewincesandquicklyadds,“Okay,wait,thatcameoutalotcreepierthanitshouldhave.”
“Yeah,thatdidcomeoutprettycreepy,”Ilaugh,thoughthethoughtofNathanthinkingaboutanythingthathastodowithmemakesthingsinsidemeflutter.
“I’vebeenthinkingabouthow,whenyougotosleepatnight,yourfeetwagbackandforth.”
Ibitemylipasmemoriescomerushingback.Ofus,tumblingaboutunderthesheets,notleavingmybedfordays.Oftheconversationswehadinbetweendevouringeachother,myheadonhischest,listeningtohisheartbeat.We’dtalkabouteverything,fromphysicstogamestomutualfriends,andwe’dwatchfrombedastheskywentfrominkyblack
Thatfirstnightwespenttogether,asIwasdozingoff,hesaid,“Doyoualwaysdothatwithyourfeet?”
Myfeetstoppedstill.“Dowhat?”
“No,don’tstop.Theywerelike,waggingbackandforthunderthecovers.”Heturnedhisheadtolookatme,smiling.“That’ssocute.”
“Sorry,”Imoaned.“Mymomsaidmyfuturehusbandwouldcomplainaboutmyrestlessfeet.”
Helaughed.“Yourfuturehusband?”
“Well,accordingtoher,Icanonlyshareabedwithonedudeinlife,andthat’smyhusband.”Iwinceinwardlyatthemagnitudeofthisstatement.“NotthatI’msayingyou’remyfuturehusband,Imean,you’renotthefirstguyI’vesharedabedwith.I’vebeenwithplentyothersbefore.Notplenty,butlike,youknow.Idon’twanttomarryyou,iswhatI’msaying.Imean,notlike—”
Hismouthcoveredmineinasweetkissthatendedwithusgigglingateachother,ourlipsstilltouching.
“Iknowwhatyoumean,”hesaidgently.“Don’tworry.Thefeetdon’tbothermeatall.”
Andthenwehadfallenasleeplikethat,ineachother’sarms,andI’dwokenupwithhimhardagainstme,and—
Isnapbacktothepresent,withNathan—myNathan—smilingdownatme.Igrinweakly,mystomachflutteringatthevividmemoryofourfirstnighttogether.Didhebringupthefeetthingonpurpose,toremindmeofthatnight?
“Thisisprobablythemostimportantweekendofmycareer,”Nathansays.“Thesuccessofthisweddingwillbasicallymakeorbreakthehotel.”
Inodweakly.“Iunderstand.”
“Ireallyshouldbefocusedonworkandmakingsureeverythinggoeswell,butMeddy—god,Ihaven’tbeenabletostopthinkingaboutthatkiss.”Heleansclosetome,andeverythingabouthimfillsmysenses.Hisscentfloodsme,thatgood,clean,freshsmellhehasthathasnothingtodowithcologne.He’salwayssmelledoffresh,warmlaundry.“Ishouldbefocusingonmakingsureeverythinggoeswell,butIkeepcomingbacktoyou.”
Ofcourse,nowthathe’stalkingaboutit,it’sallIcanthinkoftoo.He’ssodeliciouslyclosetome,Icanseehisridiculouslylong,thickeyelashes,andthewaythemusclesinhisjawmoveashislipsparteversoslightly.Hedipshisheadtowardmine.Hislipsareonlyaninchawaywhenmyphonegoesoff.Wejumpapart,andIscrambletopickitup.Itturnsouttobemyalarm,settogoofffiveminutesbeforethepenjemputan.
“Alarm.It’stimeformetogoin,”Isay,wavingthephonevaguely.Myheartisscreaming.Canheartsscream?Mine’sdoingsomeweirdshit,anyway.
Nathangivesaruefulsmile.“Maybelater,whenthere’salull,wecantalkaboutus?”
“Yeah.Yeah,ofcourse.”Morethananything,IlongforthechancetotalkthingsoutwithNathan,toclosetheyears’worthofgapbetweenus,toknoweverythingthat’sgoneonwithhim.ButthedarkworryofAhGuan’sbodyinmyhotelroomresurfacesfromthedepthsofmyconsciousnesslikeaswampmonster,andIstepawayfromNathan.“We’lltalk,”Isay,anditcomesoutmorecurtthanIwanted.Nathan’ssmilelosesawattageortwo,buthenodsbeforewalkingaway,leavingmefeelinglikeI’velosthimforthesecondtimeinmylife.18
Chinese-Indonesianweddingsarefilledwithsmallceremonies.Beforethepenjemputan,thereisashortveilingceremony,wheretheparentsofthebridekissheronthecheekandthenputtheveiloverherface,thuscompletinghertransformationfromwomantobride.It’susuallyatearfuloccasion;inmostChinese-Indofamilies,nomatterhowoldyouget,kidsusuallylivewiththeirparentsuntiltheygetmarriedandmoveout.Soformostfamilies,thisisgoodbye,andtheveilingceremonyisavisualreminderofit.
Jacquelineandherparentsarenoexception.Imoveswiftlyandquietly,capturingasmanypicturesasIcanoftheintenseemotionsontheirfaceswithoutdetractingfromthemoment.WhenTanteYohanaandOmHendrikpulltheveiloverJacqueline’shead,tearsstingmyeyesatthebittersweetsmilesontheirfaces.Thesearemyfavoritemomentsofweddingphotography.Capturingthein-betweens.Themomentsinbetweenthebigones,whenrawemotionispaintedvividlyanditfeelsasthoughI’mcatchingthetunesoftheirheartswithmycamera.
Oncethat’sfinished,wewaitforthegroomandgroomsmentoarriveforthepenjemputan.
Andwait.
Andwait.
IsendatexttoSebtoseewhatthehellistheholdup.Imean,reallynow,I’vegotadeadbodyinmyroomandsomehowI’mnotthebiggestmessatthiswedding.
Meddy[12:17PM]:Yooo,where’severyone?They’relateforthepenjemputan.
Seb[12:18PM]:Youwon’tbelievetheseidiots.They’reallrushingaround,gettingdressed,messingwiththeirhair.Someofthemcan’tfindtheirshirtsorpantsorwhatevershit.
Isighandopenupthechatgroupwithmymomandaunts.
Meddy[12:19PM]:Everythingokay?
BigAuntsendsastringofemojisthatseemcompletelyunrelatedtoeachotherinsteadofanactualresponse.
Whoeverintroducedmymomandauntstoemojisneedstobethrownoffatallbuilding.Eversincetheyfoundoutaboutemojis,mymomandhersistersthinkthey’reaperfectlyacceptablewayofcommunicating.Excepteveryonehasaslightlydifferentinterpretationofemojis,andittakesmeaboutthreetimesaslongtofigureoutexactlywhatthey’retryingtosay.Likenow,forexample,thethumbs-upemojimeanseverythingisokay,whichisgood,butthenwhyisthereanangryfaceemojirightnexttoit?Andthentheshirtemoji…doesshemeantosaythatshemanagedtograbashirt,butpeopleareangryather?Butthenwhythethumbs-upemoji?Why?
Meddy[12:22PM]:Idon’tknowwhatthatmeans.
Ma[12:23PM]:Aiya,howcannotfigureout?Soobvious.
BigAunt[12:24PM]:[Anotherstringofemojis]
Meddy[12:25PM]:Everythingisokay,right??
SecondAunt[12:26PM]:[Stringofemojis]
Igiveup.Whoeversaid“It’sashardasherdingcats”hasobviouslynevertriedtoherdagroupofAsianaunties.I’lljusthavetotrustthatsincetheyhaven’tusedthepolicecarorpolicestationorwhateverotherdireemoji,thingsareokay.Oratleastthey’renotcatastrophic.
JustasIshovemyphonebackintomypocket,there’sacommotionoutsidethedoor.Iperkup.Finally!Thegroomandhispossearehere.Iholdupmycamera—I’musingthe35mmnow,whichgivesmeawideranglesoIcanmakesuretocaptureeveryone—andsnapthemomentsasthebridesmaids,whohavebeengatheredatthesuitedoor,callout,“Who’sthere?”
“Thegroom!”comestheanswer,andthebridesmaidsgiggle.
Theyopenthedoubledoorsandacheergoesup,albeitaweakandstraggledoneasthegroomandhisfriendsareobviouslysufferingfromabitchinghangover.
“You’relate!”Maureenshouts.
TomCruiseSutopo—Ireallyneedtostopreferringtohimmentallybyhisfullnameeverytime,butthenagain,Ican’tstopthinkingofhimasaknock-offTomCruise—andthegroomsmeninthefrontwinceathershout.Tomsmilesweaklyandsays,“Letusin?”
“Onlyifyoudoafewthingsforus!”Atthis,allofthebridesmaidscheer,andthegroomsmengroantheatrically.
I’msmilingasItakepicturesofthemall.Ilovetheacarapenjemputan.I’veseenbridesmaidscomeupwiththemostcreativetrialsforgroomsmentodo:havingthemshaveeachother’schesthair,gettingthemtoweardiapersovertheirpants,askingthemtherandomestquestionsaboutthebrideandmakingthemeatrawchilieswhentheygetaquestionwrong.
Now,aVictoria’sSecretboxispassedfrombridesmaidtobridesmaiduntilitreachesthemaidofhonor.“Don’tcomebackuntilyou’veputtheseon,”shelaughs,passingittoTom.
Theguysallgroanloudlyagain,butthey’realsolaughing,somecoveringtheirfacesastheyfishoutlacylingeriefromthebox.Gamely,theyputonthelingerieovertheirsuits,andthat’swheneveryonerealizesthere’sasetoflingerieleftinthebox.
“Why’sthereasetleft?”Maureensays,holdingupthelaceunderwear.“Allofy’allsneedtowearthese!Comeonout,stophiding!Who’smissing?”
Thegroomsmenglancearound,lookingconfusedand…guilty.Huh.Whywouldtheylookguilty?
“Uh,Ryanisn’there,”Tomsays,finally.
“Whynot?”
“Heum—”Helowershisvoice,leaninginalittle,andsays,“Pleasedon’ttellJac,buthecan’tfindhisclothes.”
“What?”Maureencries.“Forfuck’ssake,Tom.ComeON.YouguyshadONEjob.One!Justshowup.Andyoucan’teven—”Shestopsherself,takesadeepbreath,andforcesasmile.“Okay,whatever.Movingon.Timeforthenexttrial.”Shenodstooneofthebridesmaids,whotapssomethingonherphone.Musicblastsout.Kelis’s“Milkshake.”“Shakeit,boys!”sheshouts,andthenhurriesbackinsidetheroom,whisperingsomethingtoabridesmaidasshegoes.Thebridesmaidnodsandtakesherplaceatthefront.
Maureenhurriesthroughthelivingroomandintothebedroom,whereJacquelineiswaiting.Momentslater,eventhroughthedinofthemusic,IhearJacquelinego,“Seriously?”
Ican’thelpbutsigh.Honestly,canthesegroomsmenbemoreofamess?Iwalkovertothebedroomandknocksoftly.Jacquelinelooksupandsays,“Ohgod,Meddy,we’redownagroomsman!”
“Yeah,Iheard.Look,Iknowitseemslikeahugedeal,butitreallyisn’t.You’vegotenoughbridesmaidsandgroomsmenforpeoplenottonoticeamissingone,andIpromisethepictureswillturnoutjustasgood.”
“Butwhataboutwhenthey’rewalkingdowntheaisleaftertheceremony?Ican’tsendBeccadowntheaisleonherown;that’sjusttoosad.”
Ithinkfast.“Shecanwalkdownwithanotherpair.Havethegroomsmanstandinbetweentwobridesmaidsastheygodowntheaisle.”
JacquelineandMaureenlookateachother,mullingoverwhatIsaid,thenMaureenshrugs.“She’sright.That’sthebestoption.”
Jacquelinesighs.“Okay.Couldyou?”
“I’llletherknow,”Maureensays,“don’tyouworry.”ShegivesJacqueline’shandasqueezeandleavestheroom.
Jacquelineleansherheadbackagainstthewallandbreathesout.“Thisday’samess.”
Shedoesn’tknowthehalfofit.“Weddingsalwaysare.Butyoursisgoinggreat,trustme.Andyoulookamazing.”
Shecrooksahalf-smile.ItellherI’mgoingbacktotakepictures,andshenods.Withthatlittlesnagresolved,therestofthepenjemputanceremonypassesbyquickly.Theguyspassalloftheirtrialsandtribulationsandareallowedintothesuite.IcapturethemomentwhenTomseeshisbrideforthefirsttimeinherweddinggown,theexpressiononhisfacemakingeveryonego,“Awww.”Heliftsherveilandgivesher—asperChinese-Indotradition—achastekissonthecheek.Herparentssmileinapproval.IsnapthetearfulmomentswhenJacquelinehugsherparentsbeforeleavingthebridalsuite,andtheacarapenjemputanisover.Theweddingfestivitieshavebegun.19
Upnextistheteaceremony,afavoriteformanycouples.Thebrideandgroomserveteatotheirelders,andtheireldersbestowgiftsuponthem.Traditionally,thegiftscomeintheformofgoldorredpacketsfilledwithmoney.WiththemorelavishChinese-Indoweddings,theauntiesandunclesoftentrytooutdooneanother;I’veshotaweddingwhereanunclegavehisfavoritenephewacar.Rare,butithasbeenknowntohappen.WithTomandJacqueline’sostentatiouslywealthyfamilies,who’stosaywhattheceilingiswhenitcomestotheirteaceremony?
Theatmosphereinsidethefunctionroomiselectric.SebandItakeourrespectivepositions,mebehindthechairsfortheelderssoIcancapturephotosofthebrideandgroom,andSebacrosstheroom.Alltheauntiesandunclesandgrandparentsareside-eyeingoneanotherastheyawaittheirturntobeservedtea.Theweddingorganizerisperchednexttothebrideandgroom,andshecallsoutthenamesofrelatives,whogouptwobytwo.
ThefirstcoupletogoupisTom’sparents.MyshuttersnapsdozensofpicturesasMaureenpassesatraywithtwosteamingcupsofwulongteatoJacquelineandTom.Theyeachpickupacupandpresentthem,headsbowed,toTom’sparents.Tom’sparentsacceptwithgracioussmiles,takeasip,andthenplacethecupsbackonthetray.TomandJacquelinebowtothem,andthenTom’sdadtakessomethingoutofhisjacketandpresentsapieceofpaperwithaflourish.
Theweddingplannerannounces,“Atitledeedtoyournewhouse!”andtheguestsoohandaahandclap.TomandJacquelinehugMr.andMrs.Sutopo,andItakepicturesofthemholdingupthetitledeedbeforeMaureenplacesitinapreparedbox.
ThenextonestocomeupareJacqueline’sparents,whogiveJacquelinethebrilliantsetofjewelryI’dtakenphotosofearlierthatmorningandaChopardwatchforTom—“Limitededition,worthmorethanaBMW,”announcestheWP.Theaudienceclapsappreciatively,andthegiftsarewhiskedawaytojointhetitledeedinthelargevelvetbox.Therestfollow,goingfromoldestrelativestoyoungest.
Therearemorewatches—CartierandPatek—andtherearereceiptsforlargeritems,likeaLaCornuestovefromoneofJacqueline’saunties,andaHastensbedfromanuncle.Thenthereisjewelry—again,moreCartier,acoupleofBulgari,andasmatteringofTiffany.Andofcourse,asusual,therearetheredpackets.Theseonesarebulging,stuffedwithstacksofhundred-dollarbills.Icatchsightofanauntiestuffingherredpacketwithmorewadsofcash;evidentlyshe’sfeelingoutmatchedbyalltheinsanegifts.Ifeelbadforher.Nodoubtaboutit,theteaceremonyisthemoststressfulonefortheextendedfamily.
Bythetimethey’redone,Maureenhashadtoaskforanotherboxtoholdallthegifts.Everyoneclapsandproceedstoadifferenthalltohavelunch.
“Doyoustillneedmearound?”Sebsays,glancingupfromhiscamerascreen.“OrcanIheadforlunch?”
“Go,I’llbefine.Thanksfordealingwiththegroomsmenandeverything.”
“Anytime.I’llseeyoulater.”
IseeMaureenstrugglingtopickupbothboxesandhurrytowardher,slingingmycamerastrapovermyshoulder.
“Letmehelpyouwiththat.”
Sheglancesup,startled.“Oh,that’stotallyfine,Icanmanage.”
Iwatch,hesitating,asshepilesoneboxontopoftheotherandgrunts,lifting.Thetopboxwobblesprecariously,andIleapforward,catchingitjustintimebeforeittopplesoverandrainsexpensivejewelryeverywhere.
“Oof,thanks.IguessIcan’tmanageafterall.”
“Howcomenooneelseishelpingoutwiththis?Thestuff’sheavy.”
Maureensmirks.“I’mtheonlyonetheytrustwiththis.”
“Ah,makessense.You’reagreatmaidofhonor.She’sluckytohaveyou.”
Hersmilewanesalittleatthat,andIwonderifI’vesaidthewrongthing.Webrisk-walktherestofthewaytothebridalsuiteinsilence.Whenwegetinside,Maureensays,“Justputtheboxdownonthecoffeetable.”Idoasshesaysandhesitateagain.ShouldIleave,orshouldIwaitforher?Asthoughreadingmymind,shesays,“Youcangonow,”dismissingmewithaflickofherhand.
Outside,Icheckthescheduleandbreatheasighofrelief.It’slunchtime,andafterthatthereareacouplehoursofbreakwhileeveryonereststhroughthehottestpartoftheday.Iwon’tbeneededforafewhoursuntilportraittimeintheafternoon,afterwhichwillbetheweddingceremony,followedbythereception.I’mabouttogototherestaurant,wherelunchisprovidedforalltheweddingvendors,whenmyphonerings.SecondAunt’sfacepopsupontothescreen.
“Meddy,gotproblem.”
Myheartthumpstothefloor.“Whatisit?”
“AhGuanphone.Itkeepringing,someonewanttotalktohimbad.MaybeIpickupandsay—”
“DoNOTpickup!I’llberightthere.”
Irunallthewaybacktomyroom.EvenbeforeIopenthedoor,Icanhearthefaintsoundofmusic.Itapthekeycardatthedoorsensorfranticallyandburstintotheroom.FourthAuntjumpsup,thensighswhensheseesme.
“You’llgivemeaheartattack!”
“What’sthatmusic?”Isay,rushinginside.
“Shoes!”FourthAuntscolds.
Seriously?Ikickmyshoesoffandrushtowardthebed.SomeonehasputtheduvetontopofAhGuan,coveringallofhimsaveforhissockedfeet,whicharepokingoutthebottom.Hisphoneisontopofthedesk,lyingfacedown,andthemusiciscomingfromit,becauseSecondAuntwasright,someonekeepscallinghim.
“Whydidn’tyouturnittoSilentmode?”Ireachforthephoneandpause.WhatdoIdo?NowthatI’mactuallyhere,Idon’tknowwhatI’msupposedtodo.Answerit?Shit,no.Ican’tdothat.I’mstillstandingthere,frozen,whenitstopsmid-ring.Silencefalls,thickandheavy.
“It’sgoingtoringagain,”FourthAuntsays.“Beenringingforthepasttenminutes.ErJiecouldn’tstandit;that’swhyshe’soutthere.”
“Outthere?”IglanceupandfinallycatchsightofSecondAuntoutonthebalcony,doingTaiChi.
“Thatposition’scalledWhiteCraneSpreadsItsLegs,”FourthAuntsays.Igiveheralook,andshegoes,“What?I’mserious.YouthinkI’mmakingthesenamesup?”
“Yeah,actually.”Ishakemyhead.WhythehellamIarguingaboutTaiChipositionnamesrightnow?“WhereareBigAuntandMa?”
“Wentforlunch.Youknowhowtheygetallangrywhenthey’rehungry.Theyget…hang-angry.Ooh,Ijustcoinedanewterm!”
“Theterm’s‘hangry,’andyoudidn’tcoinit.”Ifocusonthephone.Okay,Meddy.Think.Okay,firstthingsfirst:weneedtoknowwho’sbeencalling.Yeah.Okay.
Takingadeepbreath,Ireachoutwhileatthesametimetherestofmybodycringesawayfromthephone.Evenmylipspeelback,likemyentireskinistryingtocrawloff.Ipickitup,grimacing,andtapthehomekey.Thescreenlightsup,askingforanunlockcodeorafingerprint.
Iswearoutloud.
“Whatisit?”
“Ineedhisthumbprint.”
“Oof.Mm,yeah,notgoingtohelpyouwiththat.”FourthAuntresumespluckinghereyebrows.
“Yep,don’tworryaboutit,”Imutter,walkingtothesideofthebed.“Okay.Icandothis.Nobiggie.Thisistotallyfine.”Idarttothebathroom,retrieveahandtowel,andwrapitaroundmyhand.Deepbreath.Ilifttheduvet,grittingmyteethasIseehishand.Hispalehand.Mannequinpale.Shit,shit,shit.Gingerly,ImaneuveritsoIcanpresshisthumbupagainstthehomekey.Nothinghappens.Argh.Okay,otherthumb.Stillnothing.Withincreasingdesperation,Itryhisindexfingerandfinallyhitjackpot.Thescreenlightsup,andthephoneunlocks.Thankyou,sweetbabyJesus.Idrophishandanddoafullbodyshiver.Yech.
ThenIlookatmyprize.AhGuan’sphone,unlocked.Firstthingsfirst:IgointoSettingsandturnoffthephonelock,soIwon’tneedhisfingerprintagaintoaccessthephone.ThenIclickonthecallshistorylistand—
“Shit.”
“Whatisit?”FourthAuntsays.
Ilookupather,mymouthopen,aghast.“It’sMaureenHalim.”20
“WhoMaureenHalim?”SecondAuntsays,walkingbackintheroom.
“Themaidofhonor.”Myvoicecomesoutalldazed.Idon’tgetit.WhywouldMaureenbecallingAhGuan?JustasIthinkthat,atextcomesin.
Maureen[1:32PM]:Wherethefuckru???
Maureen[1:32PM]:Thethingsrready!!
Maureen[1:33PM]:Thiswasuridea,don’ttellmeurbackingoutnow!!
Backingoutofwhat?Myfingersmovefasterthanmyminddoes,andbeforeIknowit,I’vetypedoutareply.
AhGuan[1:33PM]:Notbackingout,butcan’ttalkrn.
Maureen[1:34PM]:Can’ttalk?!Rufuckinkiddingmern?
Sheringsagain,andthistime,Ipickup.Idon’tevenneedtosayanythingbeforeshelaunchesintoatirade.Idon’tevenneedtoputheronspeaker;inthesmall,silentroom,hervoicecomesoutpainfullyclear.
“Youfuckingshithead,youbettergethererightnowandpickshitup,orelseI’mgonnareportyourass.Door’sunlocked.I’mgoingintothedininghallbeforetheyrealizeI’mmissing.Move.Your.Ass.”Withthat,shedisconnectsthecall,leavingmestaringatthephone.
“Wah,thisMaureenveryangrygirl,”SecondAuntsaysfrombehindmyback.“SheneedtodoTaiChi.”
“IguessIneedtopickupwhateverAhGuanwassupposedtopickupsoshedoesn’trealizehe’sdead,”Isay,weakly.
“Igowithyou,”SecondAuntsays.“IdonemyTaiChinow,soIverycalm.Youneedsomeonecalm.”
Sheisnotwrong.Ithankher,andwebothleavetheroom.
“Wherewegoing?”
“Well,whenIleft,Maureenwasinthebridalsuite,soIguessI’llstartthere.”There’sadarksuspicionunfoldinginmymindaswewalk,andIhopeagainstallhopethatit’snotwhatIthinkitis,butwhenIgettothebridalsuite,thedeadboltonthedoorhasbeenleftinthelockedposition,withthedoorslightlyopen,sothatthedoordoesn’tswingshutandautomaticallylock.Mystomachistwisting,butImakemyselfknockandcallout,“Maureen?Youthere?”
Noanswer.Ipushopenthedoorslightlyandpeerin.“Maureen?”
Stillsilence.SecondAuntpushesthedoorwideopen.Ortriesto,anyway.There’ssomethingblockingit.Weexchangealookandpushharder,untilthegapisbigenoughforustogetthrough.Theobjectthat’sbehindthedoorturnsouttobeaheavyduffelbag.Ibenddownandunzipitand—
“Ahhh,shit.”Isigh.
“Whatisit?Whatinside—oh.”
Isuckinabreaththroughgrittedteeth.“Theteaceremonygifts.”
???
“Waaah,thisone’sgorgeous,”FourthAuntcries,openingavelvetboxandfindingadiamondnecklaceinside.Shestrokesitwithasmuchadorationasamotherstrokinghernewborn.“Can’tIjustkeepone?”
“No!”Isnap,snatchingtheboxawayfromher.Islamitshutandputitbackintheduffelbag.WhenIlookback,SecondAuntlooksupguiltily.She’sdoingTaiChiinthemiddleofmyhotelroom,andononeoutstretchedarmshehasonathickgoldCartierbraceletandontheothershehasaPatekPhilippewatchon.“SecondAunt!”
“Notkeepingthem,”shemutters.“JustwantseewhattheylooklikewhenIdoTaiChi.”Shemovesintoadifferentposeandsays,“GrasptheBird’sTailpose.Oooh,looknice,ah?”
FourthAuntnodsappreciatively.
Imarchovertoherandholdoutmypalm.“Givethemback.”
“Sospoilsport.”Shetakesthemoffanddropstheminmyhandwithapout.
“I—orwe—needtofigureoutwhatthehell’shappening.”Ipacetheroom.“Okay,soitlookslikeMaureenandAhGuanknoweachothersomehow,andtheyplottedtostealtheteaceremonygifts.Maureen’smovedthegiftsfromtheboxesintothebag,andAhGuan’ssupposedtopickthemup,whichwe’vedoneforhim,andnow…nowwhat?”
“Havesometea,Meddy,you’retooanxious,”FourthAuntsays,passingmeasteamingcupofmyfavoritetea,TieGuanYin.
“Teagotcaffeine,willstressheroutevenmore.BetteryoujustdoTaiChi,Meddy.Come,youdowithme.”SecondAuntpluckstheteacupoutofmyhandandplacesitonthedeskbeforelaunchingintoaTaiChipose.“PartingtheWildHorse’sMane,”shesays,stretchingoutbothhands.
Thisisimpossible.“I’mgoingtothebalconytothink.”Istrideoutsideandclosetheslidingdoorbehindme.Leaningagainstthebalconyrailing,Ibreatheoutahugesigh.Beforemeisthemountainview,whichisanicewayofsaying“notoceanview,”butthesightofallthetreesandgreeneryissoothingtome.Okay,so.AhGuanwasanevenbiggershitthanIthought.Iclosemyeyes.Let’spretendtobehimforasecond.I’vegotaduffelbagfilledwithexpensivegifts.WhatdoIdo?
IgetofftheislandasfastasIcan.
They’dsentusane-mailwithtraveldetails.Itakeoutmyphoneandopenthee-mail,scrollingdownto“Vendorsboattimetable.”Sureenough,there’sayachtforvendorswhoaren’tstayingovernightscheduledtoleaveinfifteenminutes.Thenextoneleavesinsixhours’time.AhGuanwould’vewantedtoleaveASAP.Howwouldhehavesmuggledtheduffelbagout,though?
Thelilies.Hewould’vearrivedherewithcratesofthem.Iguesshecouldjuststufftheduffelbagintooneofthosecratesandnobodywouldbethewiser.Right.So.Thatwasmostlikelyhisplan.NowthatI’vefigureditout,whatdoIdo?ItooktheduffelbagbecauseIdidn’twantMaureentofindoutthathe’snothere.Ithoughtmaybeitwouldbebesttokeepuptheappearanceofhavinghimstillbealive.ButifIgoalongwiththeirplan,itmeansIwouldbestealingfromJacquelineandTom.Andtheydon’tdeservethat.I’malreadyakiller;Ireallydon’tneedtoadd“thief”tothegrowinglistofcrimes.
I’llreturnthegiftstothem.Justgottafigureouthow.Can’texactlymarchuptoJacquelineandtellherthathermaidofhonorisalying,thievingjerk,becausethenI’dhavetoexplainhowIfoundout.MaybeIcouldjustleavetheduffelbagoutsidethebridalsuite?ButthenMaureenwouldknowthatsomethingwentwrongonAhGuan’send.Argh.Okay.I’llfigureitoutsomehow.Inthemeantime,I’lljusthaveafreakingdeadbodyandabagfullofstolengoodsinmyroom,becauseofcourseIdo.
There’saknockontheglassdoor.IopenitandFourthAuntsays,“You’regoingtobehereawhile,right?ErJieandIaregoingtolunch.We’restarving.”
“Oh.Yeah,ofcourse.Go.Thanksforwatchingthe—youknow—whileIwasgone.”
“Ofcourse,thatwhatfamilydo,”SecondAuntsays.Theyslipontheirshoes,callouttheirgoodbyestome,andleavetheroom.Igobackinside,closingthebalconydoorbehindme,andsiptheteathatFourthAunthadmadeforme.Withasigh,Iplopdownontheotherbed,staringatAhGuan.Orrather,thelumpthat’scoveredbytheduvet.Ohlord,it’sjusthitmethatoneofuswillhavetosleepinthisbedthathousedadeadbodyforhours.Inconceivable.I’lljust—I’llsleepinthebathtub.OrwithMa.Oronthefloor.AnywherebutthebedAhGuan’scorpseiscoolingdownin.Ilookatthestockingfeetstickingout.Howsurrealthatthere’sanactualhumanbodyunderneaththat.AhumanbodyIkilled.Andthere,onthedesk,theduffelbag.Ipickitupandputitinsidethecloset.Seemswrongtojustleaveabagfullofstolenjewelryandmoneyoutintheopenlikethat.
JustasI’mslidingtheclosetdoorshut,there’sanotherknock.Withoutthinking,Iswingitopen,saying,“Didyouforgetsomething,Fourth—”Thelastwordchokeshalfwayupmythroat.Becausethere,standinginfrontofme,isn’tFourthAuntorSecondAunt.
It’sNathan.21
“Nathan!”Icry,hopingthatcameoutmore“pleasantlysurprised”than“shockedandhorrified.”NotthatIwouldbeshockedorhorrifiedtoseehimundernormalcircumstances,thatis,whenIdonothaveadeadbodyANDabagfullofstolenthingsinmyroom.Islideoutoftheroomandpullthedoorshutbehindme,andonlythendoIbreatheeasier.
Andthereheis.MyNathan.“Hi.”
“Hi,”hesays,smilingatmeasthoughI’mtheonlypersonhewantstoseeintheentireworld.He’shadthiseffectonpeoplesinceourcollegedays.He’dsmileatthecashieratSafeway,andthekidwouldjustmelt.“Ihadsomefreetime—okay,Idon’t,actually,Imadesomefreetime—Meddy,Ican’tstopthinkingaboutyou.”
“Metoo.”Technicallyalie—Ihaven’tbeenabletostopthinkingaboutthecorpse—butalsonottechnicallyalie,giventhatI’vebeenobsessingoverhimforthepastfouryears.Iguessthat’swhathewantedtohear,becausenextthingIknow,hisarmsarearoundmywaist,pullingmeclose.Hepauses,hislipsonlyasingle,lonelyinchfrommine,andtheyearninginsidemetakesoverandIclosethedistance.
Everykisswehavestealsmybreath,stopsthespinningoftheworld,andthisoneisnodifferent.Timestops,airmoleculesfreeze,andinthismoment,there’snome,orhim,oreverythingelse.Justus.Ikisshimhungrily,andhekissesbackwithequalfervor.Mylipspartslightly,andheslideshistongueintomymouth.Moltenlavafillsmybelly.Ican’thaveenoughofhim.Thetasteofhimisintoxicating,thegentlecaressofhistongueonminesendingmespinningintomindlessness.Hishandsholdmetight,possessively,andwhenoneofthemmovestocupmybreast,Iarchmybacklikeacat,fillinghispalm,feelingmyskinburstintoflamesatthetouch.God,Iwanthimsobadly.
“Canwegoinside?”hemurmurs,hislipstracingthewordsagainstmyneck,makingmewhimperwithneed.Iwrapmyarmsaroundhimeventighter,wordstumblingoutofmymouthwithoutmuchmeaning.
Inside.Wherewecouldripoffeachother’sclothes,skinkissingskin,hiswarmthagainstmine,insideme—
Inside.WhereAhGuan’scorpselies,cooling.Myeyesflyopen.Imightaswellhavegottenanelectricshock.Allofmymusclestense,andIturnintoasaltpillar.“Inside?”Isqueak.
Nathanpullsbackalittle.Hesearchesmyeyes.“Yeah,Ithought—”Heblushes.“SorryifI’mmovingtoofast—”
“No!No,you’renot.Ireally,reallywanttogoinsidewithyou.Youwon’tbelievehowmuchI’vebeenfantasizingaboutthat.It’sjust—shit,actually,Ijustlockedmyselfout.”Ipatmypocketsformykeycard.I’mnotevenlying.InmypanictoclosethedoorwhenIfoundNathanhere,Iforgottograbthekeycardfromthedesk.
“Oh.That’sokay,I’vegotamasterkey.”Hetakesacardoutofhispocketandsmiles.“Look,Iknowthisismovingreallyfast,butum—I’dactuallylovetojustbeabletositdownwithyouandtalk,wehavesomuchtocatchuponandifI’mbeingtotallyhonest,youknow,Istilldon’tunderstandwherewewentwrongbackincollege.IdrovemyselfcrazytryingtofigureoutwhatIdid,andIdon’twanttomakethatsamemistakenow.”
“Youdidn’t.Itwasnothingyoudid.”
Confusioncrosseshisface.
“IwastooscaredtogoeastwithyouandIjustfreaked.Iwantedtostayandhelpthefamilybusiness,butIdidn’twanttoriskyougivinguponyourjoboffer,so.Yeah.Biggestmistakeofmylife.Believeme,Ikickmyselfeverydayforlettingyougo.”
Nathansmiles,andgod,it’sbeautiful.It’slikeyearsareshavedoffhisface.“So.Ididn’tfuckitup?”
“God,no!Youweretheloveofmylife.Iwanttotalktoo,properly—”
HewavesthekeycardatthedoorbeforeIcansay“but,”andthelightabovetheknobturnsfromredtogreen.Thelockslideswithaclick,andNathanopensthedoorforme.Myheartstops.Myentirebeinghasfrozen.
ButinsteadofwalkinginasIthoughthewould,Nathanremainsoutside.
Heseesmystartled,dazedgaze,andsmilesruefully.“It’sclearthatyou’reunsureaboutthis,Meddy.AndI’mnotgoingtomakeyoudoanythingyoudon’twantto.We’vegotallthetimeintheworldafterthisweekendtotalkaboutus.”Hetakesmyhand,envelopingitwithhiswarmth,andliftsittohislips.Mykneesturntowaterashekissesmyhandwithexquisitereverence.“You’reworththewait.”Hetucksanerrantstrandofhairbehindmyearandtrailshisfingersdownthesideofmycheek,tomyneck,makingmeshiverwithpleasure.
“Afterthisweekend,”Ipromise,“I’llbeallyours,andIpromiseI’llexplaineverythingaboutmyfamilyandwhyIwassuchanidiotandbrokethingsoffwithyou.”
Hissmilelightsuphisface,sameoldNathan,theboyIfellsowildlyinlovewithallthoseyearsago,andit’slikewatchingthesunrise.Ikisshimagain,wantingsobadlytomemorizeeverydeliciouscurveofhismouth,theaddictivetasteofhim.Whenwebreakoff,we’rebothbreathlessagain.Islidebackthroughthedoor,almosthomefree
“Isthat—?”Afrownetchesintohisforeheadashecraneshisnecktolookthroughthegapatthedoor.Whenhespeaksagain,hisvoicehaslostallofitswarmth,andhe’slookingdownatmelikeI’mastranger.“Isthereaguyinyourbed?”
Asupernovagoesoffinmyhead.Ohgod,he’sseenthebody.HE’SSEENTHEBODY.
Insteadofalookofhorror,though,whatsettlesonNathan’sfaceisdisappointment.
Helaughsalittleawkwardly.“Ithoughtyouweren’tseeinganyone,but—”Helaughsagain,anutterlyhumorlesssound,andthelookonhisfaceisunbearabletosee.Betrayal.Myheartcrumplesatthesightofit.Asmallpartofmeinsiststhisisworse,muchworsethanshock-horror.Asmallpartofmewantstoshout:“No!It’snotaboyfriend!JustsomeblinddateIkilledlastnight;hemeansnothingtome,Iswear!Ididn’tevenknowhisrealnamebeforeIkilledtheguy!”
ButIstaythere,blinkingidiotically,lettingtheloveofmylifethinkI’msomecheatingassholewhowouldgoaroundmakingoutwithhimwhileI’mstillattachedtosomeguywho’sapparentlynappinginmyroom.
“Anyway.”Nathangivesmeatight-lippedsmile,thekindyougivetotheoverlyfriendlycashieratTraderJoe’stogetthemtostoptalking.“I’llseeyouaround,Meddy.”Andwiththat,heleaves.Imeltbackinsidemyroom,closethedoorandleanagainstit,tearsalreadypoolinginmyeyes.Mychesthurts,likesomeone’sjustreachedinwithanironfist,shatteringmyribs,grabbedmyheart,andwrencheditout,butthere’snothingIcandotostopNathanfromleaving.22
Mafindsmecurledupontheotherbed,cryingasifI’vejustbeenwatchingoneofherK-dramas.
“Meddy?”Shehurriestomysideandgivesmyshoulderalittleshake.“Kenapa?Whathappened?Whyyoucry?”
Ilookupandthesightofherround,linedfaceistoomuchtobear.AfreshwaveoftearsburstsoutofmeandIbabble,“I’msorry,Ma.I’msosorry.”It’salltoomuch,allofit.AhGuan.MaandhersistershelpingmewithAhGuanwithoutasinglewordofcomplaint.Andhowintruth,I’vebeenplottingtogetoutofthefamilybusinessformonths.
And,ofcourse,Nathan.HowI’dmetmysoulmateincollege,fallenirrevocablyinlove,andnevertoldMaaboutit.It’sstupid,butitfeelslikethebiggestbetrayalsomehow.AndnowI’velosthimagain.
“It’sjust—”Itakeabreath.“Thingshavegottensocomplicated.AndI’msosorrythatIgotyouintoallofthis.”
Shebreathesout.“Aiya.OfcourseIgetintoallofthis.”ShegesturesvaguelyinAhGuan’sdirection.“I’myourmother.Imustprotectyou.”
“Butthat’sjustit,Ma.Idon’twantyoutoprotectme.You’vebeendoingitthiswholetimeandI’mgrateful,butIwishIweren’tsuchamess,youknow?Iwishyoudidn’tneedtoprotectme.”
Magivesmeasmall,sadsmileandputsahandonmycheek,thewayshe’sdoneeversinceIwasbigenoughtoremember.“You’renotamess.Youjustkillbyaccidentonly.Badluck.Canhappentoanyone.”
Thatmakesmelaughdespiteeverything.“Idon’tthinkaccidentallykillingyourdateissomethingthatcanhappentoanyone,Ma.”Isigh.“Ihaven’tbeenhonestwithyou,andwitheverythingthat’sbeenhappening,Idon’tknowifI’llgetthechancetotellyouthetruthaboutNathan,so…Iwanttotellyou,Ma.Idon’twanttokeepthingsfromyouanymore.”
AlightdawnsonMama’sface,shavingoffyearsandmakingherlooksoyoungandvibrant,Icatchaglimpseofherasatwenty-something,fulloffireandlaughter.“Yes,”shesays.“Tellme.”
Minuteslater,wesitonthebalcony,cuppinghotmugsofteainourhands.
“ImetNathanthefirstweekofcollege.Itwasloveatfirstsight,whichIrealizeischeesyashell,but…Yeah.”
Shelaughs.“Youknow,Imeetyourdadatwedding.Hekeepsmiling,smilingatme,aduh,Iwassoirritatedathim.Isaid,‘Eh,youlookatmeforwhat,ah?Canyoustoplooking?’andhesaid,‘Ilikestaringatbeauty.’Andthat’sit,BAM,fellinlove.”
ThethoughtofPapaandMamabeingyoungandinloveisabittersweetone.“Howcomeyoucanstilltalkabouthimsofondly,aftereverythingthat’shappened?”
“Oh,Meddy.BecauseIgotyou.Andyourpapawasverykindinthebeginning.Alwayslistentome,verygoodman.Wetryhardtobegoodtoeachother.Anditdidn’tworkout,butitisokay,wegotyou,thatisgoodenough.”
Ireachoutandsqueezeherhand.It’ssmooth,smootherthanmine,andIrememberthefeelofitwhenIwasyoung,strokingmyhairasIcriedinherlapaftergettingbulliedorfailingatest.Mymother’salwayshadsuchsmoothhands,butnowIseewrinklesandagespotsonthemtoo,andthesightissojarring.Whendidshegetoldonme?
“Sowhathappenwiththisboy?”
Isigh.“Everything.Hewasmyeverything,andIguessthat’swhatscaredmethemost.Iwaseighteen.Iwasn’treadytofindmyeverythingyet,youknow?Andofcoursethere’sthefamilycurse.”
“Whatfamilycurse?”
Istareather.“Youknow,theonethat’stakenallthemeninourfamily!YouandalltheauntiesusedtomentionitwhenIwasakid.Youguyswouldbelike,‘Ah,wearesounlucky,wearecursedtohaveourhusbandsleaveus.’”
Malaughs.“Youmeanfamilyblessing?”
“What?”
“Aiya,wecallitcurseatfirstbecauseyes,ofcoursewearesadthatourhusbandsallleaveus.Butafterfewyearswerealizeactually,isnotacurse.Itisfamilyblessing.Becauseyourpapaleaveme,Ibecomeevenmoreclosetoyouraunties.Andtheybecomemoreclosetoeachothertoo,becausetheyhavenohusband,noson.Andyou,theyseeyouastheirdaughter.It’slikeyougrowupwithfourmothers.Thatisblessing,Meddy.Weareveryblessed,wehaveclosefamily.”
Myeyesfillwithtears.Alltheseyears,Ihaveneverseenitthatway,butMa’sright.Ididgrowupwithfourmothers,anditreallyhasbeenamazing.There’sbeensomuchloveinmylifethatItookforgranted.
“You’reright,Ma.”
“Andanyway,itisnotcursethattakeyourpapaaway.Wejustnotworkout,itisokay,wemoveon.Andyourauntiesarethesamewithyouruncles.Maybeatfirstheartbreak,butafterawhileitisokay.Don’tmissoutonlovebecauseyouthinkwegotcurse,sosilly,you.Ithoughtyouaremoreeducatedthanthat.”
Alaughbubblesout.Mysuperstitiousmotherischastisingmeforbelievingincurses.Lifecouldnotgetweirder.
“ThatiswhyyounevertellmeaboutthisNathan?”
“Yesandno.”Itakeadeepbreath.“Thetruthis,IwasadifferentpersoninschoolthanIwasathome.Idon’treallyknowhowtoexplainit.It’snothingagainstyouortheaunties,it’sjust—Idon’tknow—”
“Youfeelmorefreetofigureoutwhoareyou.”
Istareatherinwonderment.“Yeah.Exactly.Howdidyou—”
“Aiya,youthinkyouaretheonlyonewhogotoschool,isit?Igotocollegealso,Iknowwhatyouaretalkingabout.Athome,IamjustThirdSister,noonespecial,nottheoldest,nottheyoungest.Nottheprettiest,notthesmartest.Butinschool,Icanbemyownperson.NotjustThirdSister,butme.Natasya.”
“Yeah,that’sexactlyit.”Allalong,she’sunderstood.Ofcourseshehas.Likeme,shegrewupinahuge,close-knitfamilyfilledwithoverbearingrelatives.“SoIdidn’twanttotakehimhomeatfirstbecauseofthat,andthenaswebecameevencloserandhebecameanevenbiggerpartofmylife,Ididn’tknowhowtotakehimhomeandtellyouthatwe’dbeentogetherformorethanayear.Itfeltlikesuchabetrayaltoyou,andIdidn’tknowhowyou’dtakeit.I’msorry,Ma.Ishould’vehadmorefaithinyou.”
“Yes,youshouldhave,”shesays,simply.Isteelmyselfforatiradeofguilt-tripping,butforonce,Maisquiet.
“Anyway,thenwegraduated,andhegotajobofferinNewYork,andIdidn’twanttomoveacrossthecountryjusttobewithhim.Idon’tknow.OrmaybeIdid,anditscaredmetohellthatIwantedto.ThatIwouldgiveeverythingupjustforhim.SoImademyselfchoosesomethingelse.Somethingthatwouldkeepusfarapartfromeachother.ButInevercouldmoveonfromhim,becauseIknewhewastheone,Ma.”Andthetearscomeagain,asIadmititoutloudforthefirsttime.“Hewasmyone,anditkilledme,losinghimthatfirsttime,andIcan’tbelieveIjustlosthimagain.”
“Whylosehimagain?”Shefrownsinconfusion.
Ashakylaughrattlesoutofme.“HesawAhGuan’sfeetandhethoughtit’smyboyfriend,nappinginmybed.Icouldn’ttellhimthetruth,obviously,soIlethimthinkthat.”
Mapursesherlips.“Ooh.Badluck,verybadluck.”
“Youcansaythatagain.”
“Sohow?Areyougoingtochasethatboy?”
Ishakemyhead.“Idon’tknowthatthere’sanythingIcansaytochangehismindwithouttellinghimthetruth.Andhonestly,Idon’twanttolietohim.Idon’twanttomakeupsomecrazystoryabouthowitwasjustmyauntorwhateverwhowasnapping—”Ofcourse,onceIsaythat,Igetaglimmerofhope,likehuh,maybeIcouldtellhimthatitwasoneofmymanyauntiesunderneaththeduvet.ButassoonasIimaginemyselflyingtohim,everythinginsidemeshrivelsup.Ihavenodesiretodoso.Ican’tstandthethoughtofhavingtolookhimintheeyeandfeedhimfalsewords.“Andanyway,Iprobablyshouldn’tbegettingdistractedby—whateverthisis.”
“Loveisagooddistraction.MaybeIgetmygrandbabiessoon,”Masayswithagrin.
Irollmyeyes,butIcan’tstopthesmilefromtuggingatthecornersofmymouth.Howdoesmymomdoit,everytime?She’llfindmeinpieces,andsomehow,someway,shemanagestoputmebacktogether.Ireachoutandsqueezeherhand.“Thanks,Ma.”
“Aiya,thanksforwhat?”Shewavesmeoffandtakesinasharplittlebreath.“Ah!IforgettotellyouIfindthisoutside.Aduh,youaresocareless,howcanyouforgetyourownkeycard?”Shedigsinherpantspocketandbrandishesaplainwhitecard.
IfrownasItakeitfromher.“That’snotmykeycard.Iputmineonthetableoverthere.”Webothlookatthetable,andsureenough,mykeycard’slyingthere.IturnthecardMafoundoverinmyhands.Ontheotherside,inplainletters,arethewordsMASTERKEY.Mybreathcomesoutinasmall“Oof.”
“It’sNathan’scard.Hemust’vedroppeditafterheopenedthedoorforme.Ugh,I’mgonnahavetoreturnthistohimsomehow.”Anideapopsintomyhead.“RightafterIuseittoreturntheteaceremonygifts.”Ipacetheroom,workingouthowandwhenIshoulddoit.It’llhavetobetonight,rightafterthereception,whileeveryoneisoutsidewatchingthefireworks.I’llstealbackhere,grabtheduffelbag,usethekeycardtoopenthebridalsuite,andputit—somewhere.Maybeunderthebride’sbedorsomething,whereitwouldn’tbefoundrightaway,soitgivesusmoretimebeforeMaureenrealizessomething’sgonewrongwithherplan.
Igoovermyplanagain,pokingandproddingatthedetailstolookforflaws,andyeah,obviouslythereareflaws,butoverall,it’sthebestplananyonecouldcomeupwithgiventhesituation.Forthefirsttimesincethisentirefiascostarted,Iactuallyfeelkindofgood.Yes,thereisstilladeadbodyinmybedandastolenstashofjewelryinmycloset,buthey,atleastInowhaveaviableplantotakecareofthelatter.InnotimeIwillcomeupwithanotherplantogetridoftheformer.Hopefully.
“Youthinkofsomething?”Masays.
Iturntoher,grinningwide,andamabouttotellhermyplantoreturnthestolenjewelrywhenAhGuan’sphonevibrates.Thesoundslicesthroughtheair,silencingbothofus.Idon’tthinkeitherofusevendarestobreathe.Ourgazesshoottothephone,buzzingonthetablelikesomegreatbigbeetle.Reluctantly,Istepcloser,stillholdingmybreath,andseeMaureen’sfaceonthescreen.Argh,great.Whatnow?God,Ihopetheirplandidn’tinvolvethemmeetinguponcehegottheduffelbag.Iletthecallgotovoicemail.
Magnawsonherlip.“Maybeyoucanjustignore—”
Thephonebuzzeswithatext.
Maureen[2:02PM]:SOS.Srsly,wheretfru?
SOS.Dreadfillsmystomach,leadenandhot.Thisisn’tgoingtobeanythinggood.Withadeepbreath,Ipickupthephoneandtypeout:
AhGuan[2:04PM]:Whatisit?
Thereplyispracticallyinstantaneous.
Maureen[2:04PM]:PICKUPTHEPHONEUFUCKER.
Ohgod,she’sgoingtocallagain,isn’tshe.Iquicklytype:
AhGuan[2:04PM]:Can’t,w/pplrightnow
Maureen[2:05PM]:Getridofthem!Thisisanemergency!
AhGuan[2:05PM]:Justtellmewhathappened.
Maureen[2:06PM]:Overtext?Ruhighrn?
Right.Shecan’ttellmeovertextbecausethenitcouldbeusedasevidenceifthingsgosideways.Okay.Think,Meddy.
AhGuan[2:08PM]:I’llcallinasecbutIwon’tbeabletosaymuch’cuzpplaroundme.
Maureen[2:08PM]:FINE.
“I’mgoingtocallherback.Don’tsayawordwhileI’monthephonewithher.”
Manods,andItakeasecondtogathermyself.Deepbreath.Okay.ItaponMaureen’snameandcallher.Shepicksuponthefirstring.
“Dude,ohmygod,thingsaresobad.Ican’teven—everything’sgoingwrong!”Hervoiceisshaky,hoarsewithtears.
Instinctkicksmetosaysomething.Itfeelssowrongjuststandingherebeingsilent.IoptforaHughJackmanasWolverinegrunt.“Hmm.”
“They—shit—theyfoundoutthestuff’smissing!”shehisses.
Oh!Hopesoars.Maybethat’sgood.They’llcatchMaureenand—oh.Andthey’llinterrogateher,trytodigforthetruth,andwhatifshespillsthen?WhatifshesaysAhGuancameandgotthestuff,andthenthey—Idon’tknow,whatwouldtheydo?Maybesearchtheentireresort?Wouldtheydothat?WhoamIkidding?There’seasilyacouplemilliondollars’worthofjewelryandfinewatchesinthatduffelbag;ofcoursetheywould.They’ddoanythingtogetitback.Shutofftheislandfromthemainland.Telleveryguesttostayintheirroomwhiletheymethodicallygothrougheverybody’sroom.Ohmygod.Thisisbad.Thisisreally,reallybad.
“Andtheheat’sonme,”Maureencontinues.“’CauseIwasthelastonewiththestuff.Ican’tletthemsuspect—nother,ohgod,Ican’t—changeofplans,youhearme?”
IgivemyWolverinegruntagain.
“We’llhavetopinitonthephotographer.”
“What?!”
“Shewastheonewhohelpedcarrytheboxesbacktotheroom—yousoundweird,doyouhaveacold?”
Ittakeseverythinginsidemetocomeupwithanothergrunt.
“Anyway,shehelpedmecarrytheboxesback.IcantellthemthatIwascareless,thatshewasstillintheroomwhenIopenedthesafe.Maybeshesawthesafecodeorwhatever,andthencamebacklatertotakethestuff.That’sbelievable,right?It’llbuyusenoughtime.Youneedto—shit,whatarewegonnadowiththestuff?Youneedtoputtheminthephotographer’sroomand—”
Ihanguponher.Myheartisracing,mymindshattered.Icanbarelystringtogetheracoherentthought.
“Whatdidshesay?”Maasks,rubbingherelbows,herfacelinedwithworry.She’ssoconcernedsheforgetstospeakEnglishandswitchestoIndonesian.“Meddy,youlooksoscared,whatisit?”
Istareatthephone.IstareatMa.Nothingcomesout.
“Meddy!”Masnapsherfingers.Atthesametime,thephonevibratesagain.Ijump,andrealitycomesrushingbackin,likeaflood.
IhitReject,andthensendoffanothertext:
AhGuan[2:11PM]:Can’ttalknow,butwilltakecareofthestuff.Don’tworry.
WhenIlookupagain,Maraiseshereyebrows.“Well?”
“Theyfoundoutthattheteaceremonygiftsaremissing,andMaureenwantstoblameitonme.”
WhenIwasfive,therewasaboyatmykindergartenwhowasalwayspullingmyhairandpinchingme.WhenMacomplainedtotheschoolaboutit,theylaughedandsaid,“Awww,that’ssosweet!LittleBobbyhasacrushonyourdaughter.Isn’tthatthecutest?”Marosetoherfullfivefeettwoinches—evenherbreastsrose—andshegotthislookonherface,asifthesoulofawarriorhadjusttakenoverherfeatures.Mrs.Mallone,myteacher,wasstillstupidlygrinningather.Shedidn’tevenknowwhatwascoming.ButbythetimeMawasdonewithhertirade,Mrs.MallonewasintearsandhadpromisedtohaveatalkwithBobby’sparentsaboutboundaries.
TheexpressiononMa’sfaceremindsmeofthatmoment.Everythingaboutherisstandingtallandproudandfurious.
“Thatno-goodthiefwantstoframemydaughter?”
It’srightatthismomentthatthedoorunlocks,andincomeallmyaunties.Theypilein,rubbingtheirbelliesandchattingamicablyinMandarin,butthenBigAuntnoticesthelookonMa’sface.
“Whathappened?”shesays.“Istheretrouble?”
“ThethiefwantstoframeMeddy!”Macries.
Myauntiesgasp,shockandangerripplingthroughthem.BigAuntcriestheF-wordinMandarin,SecondAuntimmediatelylaunchesintosomeTaiChiposethatnodoubthassomeridiculousname,andFourthAuntslidesherover-the-topnailsacrossherneck,hissing.Iwanttohugthemalltopieces.They’reallsoenragedonmybehalf.
“We’llfixthis,”BigAuntsays,andforonce,SecondAuntdoesn’tevencomeupwithasnarkyretort.ShenodsalongwhilecrouchingintoaposethatlookslikeitshouldbecalledsomethingalongthelinesofCarryinganExtraLargeGourdandsays,“Don’tworry,Meddy.We’llfixthis.”
“No.”
Theyalllookatme.Mastepstowardme.“Meddy—”
“No,you’veallhelpedmesomuch.Icanhandlethisonebymyself.IknowexactlywhatIhavetodo.I’mgoingtogetridofthis—”Iheavethebagoutofthecloset.“AndthenI’llbebackforthebody.”23
Aperkthatcomeswithbeingoneofthecoreweddingvendors:theweddingplannerhassharedaGooglespreadsheetwithmethatincludestheday’stimetable,thephonenumbersofeveryoneimportant,andaveryhandylistofeverybody’sroomnumber.
IdoaquicksearchforMaureen’sname,andtheresheis.
Name:MaureenHalim
Role:MaidofHonor
Andthief,thevoiceinmyheadsnarkssnarkily.
Phonenumber:(626)526-1755
RoomNumber:317
MymouthsetsintoagrimlineandIslingtheduffelbagoveroneshoulderandwalkbrisklytowardthestaircase.Level3.Ipopmyheadoutbeforewalkingouttothehallway,carefultomakesurethatthere’snooneabout.Luck’sonmyside,andIhurrytowardroom317.Ican’tbelieveI’mdoingthis.Imovefast,toofasttosecond-guessmyself.There’snotimeforsecond-guessinganyway,andifIfreezenow,ifIchickenout,thenI’llbecaughtwithabagfullofstolengoods,andwhatgoodwillthatdoanyone?SoIwalk,ignoringallofthepanickyvoicescrowdingmyhead,andbeforeIknowit,I’mhere.Room317.
Okay.Shit.Okay.I’mdoingthis.Ireallyam.Adayago,theworstthingI’veeverdonewas—well,itwasprobablybreakingupwithNathan.Andnow,I’ve(1)accidentallykilledsomeone,(2)hiddenthedeadbody,and(3)carriedaroundovertwomilliondollars’worthofstolengoods.
MaureenmustbewithJacqueline,sotheroomshouldbeempty,butjustincase,Iknockonthedoor.“Hello?”Icallout.“Roomservice.”Waittwoseconds.Knockagain.Checkthehallwayoncemore.Nooneabout.Islidethemasterkeycardoutofmypocketandtapitagainstthedoorlock.Alittlegreenlightblinks,andthelockopenswithawhirr.Heregoesnothing.IgrabthedoorhandleandgoinsideMaureen’sroom.
Maureen’sroomisajuniorsuite,withalivingroomandaseparatebedroom.Okay,ifIwereadirty,traitorousthiefofamaidofhonor,wherewouldIhideabagfullofstolengoodsthatmydirty,traitorous,thievinghandsgrabbedfrommybestfriend?
Bedroomforsure.
Ihurryinsidethebedroomandlookaround.Undertheverytallfourposterbed?Tooobvious.Insidethecloset?Iopentheclosetandstudyit.Theshelvesgoallthewayuptotheceiling,whichisstupidbecausenoonecouldreachallthewayupthere.Ican’tevenseewhat’sonthetopshelf—
Whichmakesittheperfecthidingspot.Igrabachairfromthewritingdesk,dragitacrosstheroom,andclimbupontopofit.AsIstraightenup,Iwobbleandforaterrifyingsecond,almostfalloffthechairwiththeheavyduffelbag,butImanagetograboneoftheshelvesforbalance.IhoisttheduffelbagovermyheadandpushitasdeepasIcan,thenhopoffthechair.Ilookup,andwithsatisfaction,confirmthatIcan’tseetheduffelbagfrommyvantagepoint.NotevenwhenIgoonmytiptoes.Thetopshelfiswaytoohigh.
JustasIfinishputtingthechairbackatthedesk,Iheartheworstsoundintheworld.Thefront-doorlockwhirringopen.Asplitsecondlater,thedoorclicksopen,andsomeonebustlesin.Mymindshort-circuits,andforapreciousmoment,Ijuststandthere,frozen,likeahamsterwhoknowsit’sabouttogetspottedbythehawk.ThenmyinstinctskickinandIhurry—butwhereto?Ilookaroundmefrantically.TheclosetIjusthidthebagin?No,it’sfilledwithshimmerydressesandit’slikelythatMaureenmightneedsomethingfromit.Thebathroom?The—
Thebed!
Ileapontotheflooronthefarsideoftheroomjustasthebedroomdoorisflungopen.Iliedownonthecarpetedfloorandasthepersonwalksin,Irollunderthebed.Luckily,MaureenisapparentlytoodistraughttohearanysmallnoisesImakeasIslitherunderthebed.She’ssnifflingloudly,herbreathcominginshallowgasps.Thebedcreaksandsagsslightlyasshesitsdownandsobs.Whatthehellisgoingon?IfIdidn’tknowMaureenwasadirtythievingliar,Iwouldbefeelingreallybadforherrightnow.Infact,Iamfeelingbadforher.Idon’tthinkit’shumanlypossibletolistentothosesobsandnotfeelthetiniestbitbad.
AssilentlyasIcan,IpullAhGuan’sphoneoutofmypocketandswitchittoSilentmode.Justincaseshe—
AndjustasIthinkthat,shedoescallhim.Thankgodforprescience.Iclaspthephonetomychest,unabletobearwatchingherfacecominguponthescreen.Whenitgoestovoicemail,Maureenuttersalittlecryandflingsherphoneacrosstheroom,whereithitsthewallandthunksontothefloor.Uh-oh.
Thisiswhereshegoestopickitupandnoticesawholeotherhumanintheroomwithher.
Butshedoesn’t.Shejuststaysthere,cryingforwhatfeelslikeanentirehourbutisinfactonlytwominutes.Iknow,becauseIstareatAhGuan’sphonethewholetime.Thenshegoestothebathroom,probablytowashherface.ShouldItakethischancetoleave?ButevenasIthinkthat,Maureencomesoutofthebathroomandswipesherphonefromthefloor.Ifreeze,butshedoesn’tspotme.Herfeetremainthereforawhile,unmoving,andI’mwonderingwhattheheckshe’sdoingwhenIrealizeshe’seithermakingacallortypingatextmessage.Sureenough,whenIcheckAhGuan’sphone,there’sanewtext.
Maureen[2:15PM]:Don’tknowyurnotpickingupthephone,buteverythingbetterbeready.I’mgonnaaskthemtocheckthephotographer’sroom.
Checkthephotographer’sroom.Thephotographer’sroom.THEPHOTOGRAPHER’SROOMWHEREAHGUAN’SCORPSEIS.Everysinglecellinmybodyshattersintopanickyshrieks,andittakesallofmywilltostopmyselffromleapingoutfromunderthebedandchokingher.Somehow,Imanagetostaystilluntilsheleavesthebedroom.Momentslater,Ihearthefrontdoorslamshut.IslideoutfromunderthebedimmediatelyandcallMa.Onering.Tworings.Comeon,Ma.
“Hallo?”
Thank.God.Ihaveneverbeensogratefultohearhervoiceinmylife.“Ma,areyoustillinmyroom?”
“Iya,ofcourse.Icutmangoesandmakemoretea,yourauntiesalleating—”
Mangoes?Wheredidsheget—nevermind.Ishakemyhead.“Ma,listen,youguysneedtogetridofthebodynow.Maureen’sgoingtotellthemtosearchmyroomfortheteaceremonygifts.I’llcomeback—”Myphonebeepswithanincomingcall.It’sJacqueline.Shit.Maureen’sevenfasterthanIthought.“Ican’tcomeback.I’mbeingcalledbythebride,probablytogotoherroom.”
“Okay,noworry,wewillgetridofbody,noproblem.Yougotobride’sroom,yousettleeverything,wesettlebody,noworry.”
“Okay…”She’ssoundingveryconfidentforsomeonewho’sjustbeentoldatthelastminutetohideawholehumancorpse.“Um,whereareyougoingtotakehim?”
“Aiya,youdon’tworry,wegotplan.Okaybye-bye,wegoingtohideAhGuannow,okay,bye,loveyou,bye.”
ThecallcutsoffandIacceptJacqueline’sincomingcall.
“Hello?Meddelin?”Hervoiceisfrantic,theedgesallshrillandbrittle,readytobreak.“Couldyou—um,couldyoucometomyroomnow?Please?”
“Hey,yeah,sure.”Iswallowandsay,“Everythingokay?”
“Uh-huh!”shesays,evenshrillerthanbefore.“Justcometomyroomnow,okay?”
Iclosemyeyes,mystomachplummeting.SoMaureen’sreallygonethroughwithit.JacquelineisprobablybeingfalselycheerfultomakesureIdon’tgetscaredaway.“I’llberightthere.”
“Great!”
Deepbreath.EventhoughI’vegottenridofthestolengoods,asIsneakoutofMaureen’sroomandwalkdownthehallwaytowardthebridalsuite,Ican’thelpfeelinglikeI’mwalkingstraightintoatrap.Outsidethebridalsuite,Ipausetogathermyself.Mybreathkeepscatching,andthenIhavetofocustokeepinhalingandexhaling.Remember,youdon’tactuallyknowthatthere’sanythingwrong.Right.ForallIknow,I’mheretodothefamilyportraitorwhatever.Cool.Igraspmycameraprotectivelyandnearlydropit,mypalmsaresosweaty.Iwipethemonmypantsandknockatthedoor.
Thebridalsuiteisfilledwithpeople,exceptthistimethepeoplearen’twispybridesmaidsdressedinpastelsbutstern-lookingmeninsecurityuniforms.Oneofthesestern-lookingmenopensthedoor,andglaresdownatmeasIwalkin,makingmefeelonceagainlikeahamster,thistimecrawlingintoahawk’snest.
Ismileupathimandsay,“Hi,I’mhereforthefamilyportraits.”Iwavemycameraupathim.
Hisupperlipcurlsupincontempt,andhetakesmyarm.Ilookathismeatyhandonmyupperarm.Ilookbackathim
“Couldyounotdothat?”Itrytopullmyarmaway,butheonlytightenshisgrip.
“Don’tthinkyoucansneakaway,thief—”
“Rob!”Nathanstridesoutofthebedroomandhurriestowardus.“Stopthat.Lethergo.”
“But,sir,she’sthe—”
“Wedon’tknowanythingyet,”Nathansays.Hisvoiceturnslowanddangerous,hiseyesnarrowingatthesecurityguard.“Letgoofherarm.”
Withonelastscowlatme,Robreleasesmyarm.Irubatitgingerly.Iswearmyentireheadisonfire.I’veneverbeenmanhandledlikethatbefore.Ithappenedsofast.
“Meddy,gladyou’rehere,”Nathansays.“I’msorryaboutRob.”
“What’sgoingon?”Ifollowhimtooneside,awayfromthecrowdofsecurityguardsstompingalloverthebeautifullivingroom.“Whereareallthebridesmaids?”
“They’vebeenaskedtogobacktotheirrooms.Thebridedidn’twantthemfindingout.”
“Findingoutaboutwhat?”
Nathanexhales.“Theteaceremonygifts—allthosewatchesandjewelryandcash—havegonemissing.”
Imanageasmallgasp.Letmymouthdropopen,myeyeswiden,mybrowsrise.DoIlookgenuinelysurprised?
Nathantakesmyhand,seemstorememberwhereweare,anddropsit.Withanothersigh,hesays,“Andthemaidofhonorclaimsyouweretheonewhotookthem.”
“What?”AmIhittingtherightmixofshockandanger?ShouldIevenbeangry?Orjustshocked?God,Iamsobadatthis.Ineedtostopsecond-guessingmyself.Yes,Ishoulddefinitelybemad.“Whywouldshethinkthat?”
Heshakeshishead.“Shesaysyouweretheonehelpinghercarrytheboxbacktotheroomandyousawthesafecode.”Helowershisvoice.“Look,Meddy,obviouslyIdon’tbelieveawordofit,Imean,Christ.Butshe’spushingforthemtosearchyourroom,andIneedtofollowprotocol—”
“Iunderstand,”Isay,quickly.Itpainsmetoseehisfacesotortured.It’sobvioushehateshimselfforhavingtotellmethesethings.“It’stotallyfine.I’mokaywithmyroombeingchecked.”Aslongasmymomandauntsmanagetogetthebodyoutbeforehand.Ishouldprobablygivethemmoretime.
“Areyousure?”Nathan’seyessearchmine,andhisarefilledwithsomanyunspokenthings.Worry,anger,butmostofall,need.Seeingitsparkstheneedchurningdeepinsideme,andgod,Ican’tbelievewe’rehereinthismomentandIcan’teventouchhimbecauseofallthesedamnsecurityguards.Well,andthethievingaccusationagainstme.Keepitinyourpants,Meddy.Nowissonotthetime.Itearmygazeaway.
“Yeah,I’msure.”
“Right.Let’sgoinside.”
IsteelmyselfasNathanleadsmeintothemasterbedroom.Inside,it’sworsethanIimagined.Orrather,it’sjustasIimagined,butworsebecausenowit’sreal.I’mactuallystandinghere,witnessingthefalloutofMaureen’scrime.
Jacquelineissittingatthefootofthebedinafluffyhazeofwhitesilkandruffles,andshe’scrying.Maureensitsnexttoher,aprotectivearmaroundJacqueline’spaleshoulders,handinghermoretissues.Tom’sfuriouslytappingonhisphoneatthebaywindow,andbothsetsofparentsarethere.Mr.Sutopoissnappingatsomeoneonthephone,andMrs.Sutopoissnappingatsomeoneelseonherphone,andJacqueline’sparentsarearguingwitheachother—“Youshould’vecomeinheretomakesureeverything’sfineaftertheteaceremony.”“Me?YOUshould’vedonethat!Whatwereyoudoing?”
It’scompleteandutterchaos,andeverythinginsidemesqueakstorunthehellout.ButNathan’shandisonmyback,andasifhecanreadmythoughts,hegivesmeareassuringpat.
Atthatmoment,Jacquelineglancesup.“Meddy!”shecries,standingupinarush.ShetripsoverherdressandwouldhavefallenifMaureenhadn’tcaughther.MaureenshootsmeaglareasJacquelinehurriesoverandclaspsmyhands.Herhandsarecoldandtrembly.
“Meddy,”shesays,hergazeboringintomine.“Meddy,Meddy,pleasetellmethetruth—”Hervoicebreaksinasob.
Mr.Sutopostridestowardusandshouts,“There’sthethief!”
“No!”Nathansays.“Calmdownplease,everybody.Let’shearwhatMeddy—Meddelinhastosay.”
Theroomgoessilent,alleyesonme.Jacquelinetakesinashakybreathandsaysinabrokenwhisper,“Didyoutaketheteaceremonygifts?”
“No.”Thewordslidesouteasily.
Theroomcollapsesinacollectivesigh,theneveryonereactsatthesametime
Maureen:“She’slying!”
Mr.Sutopo:“Ofcourseshe’dsaythat.”
Tom:“Comeon,let’sjustcallthecops.”
Jacquelinestaresatmethroughhertears.“Really?They’vegonemissing,Meddy,andIdon’tknow—”
“Ididn’ttakethem.”Myvoicecomesoutsolid.Isqueezeherhands,hopingtogivemyselfstrength,andthenletmygazetraveltoMaureen.“Shewasthelastonewiththem.Ionlyhelpedtobringthemhere,butIleftthemwithher.”It’sastrangething,accusingsomeoneelseofacrime.EventhoughIknowforafactthatMaureenwastheculprit,eventhoughshewantstoframemeforit,itstilldoesn’tfeelgreat.Idon’tfeelvindicatedoranything;Ijustfeelshitty.Myinsidessquirmasifthey’retryingtocrawloutofmyskin,especiallywhenJacquelineuttersachokedsobandglancesatMaureen.ThelookonMaureen’sfaceisequalpartsfear,anger,andsomethingelseIcan’tquiteputmyfingeron,butit’spainfultosee.
“Itwasn’tme,”Maureencries.“C’mon,JackieO,youknowme,Iwouldnever!Searchherroom;she’sprobablystashedthemthere.”
Jacquelineturnsbacktowardme,herexpressionapologeticbutdesperate.“I—isthatokay,Meddy?Ihatetodoit,but…”
Iliftmychinandmeethergaze.“That’sfine.I’vegotnothingtohide.”Asidefromthedeadbody,thatis,butI’mcountingonmyfamilytotakecareofthatpart.24
Thewholeentouragemarchesoutofthebridalsuite,makingthespaciouscorridorseemcramped.LeadingthechargeareTomandhisdad,followedbythesecurityteam,followedbyJacquelineandMaureen,thelatter’sarmstillwrappedtightlyaroundtheformer’sshoulders.NathanandIfollowbehindeverybody.Idon’tevenknowhowtoprocessthismessofemotionsraginginsideme.Anxiety,stress,andanger,andofcoursethere’sthatfamiliarthreadofwhateveritisIstillfeelforNathan.Iachetoreachforhishand,feelthewarmthofhisfingersaroundmine.Iwanttofallintohisarmsandhavehimcrushmeinastrongembrace.ButIdon’tdoeitherofthesethings.Ikeepmygazestraightandmychinup,andIfollowthecrowdofpeoplewhoseemintentonhavingmyheadonaspike.
Aswepassbythegroom’ssuite,thedoorslidesopeneversoslightly,andIalmostdoadoubletakewhenIseeFourthAunt’sfacebehindthedoor,peepingout.Shespotsmeandretreatsintotheroom.Iresumewalking,mymindwhirringmadly.What’sgoingon?Why’ssheinthegroom’ssuite?Whatdoesitmean?AreweabouttofindAhGuan’sbodystillcoolinginmybed?Ohmygod!
Itakemyphoneout,buttherearenomessages.Nothing.I’mabouttosendatexttoMawhenIrealizeit’llmakemeseemmoresuspicious.Plus,whatiftheycheckmyphoneandseethatI’vesentamessageaskingif“thethinghasbeenmoved”?Thenthey’dassumeI’mtalkingaboutthestolengoods.
“I’msosorryaboutthis,”Nathanmurmurs.
Istuffthephonebackintomypocketandmutter,“Don’tworryaboutit.”Myvoicecomesoutasthoughfromafar.Ibarelyrecognizethesound.Whenwegettomyroom,oneofthesecurityguardsglancesbackatNathan,whonodswithasigh.Theguardtakesoutamasterkeycardandswipesitacrossthedoorlock.There’sthefamiliarwhirrofthelock,andheopensthedoorwithwhatseemslikeanunnecessaryflourish.
Thisisit.Themomentoftruth.Istepforward,butmylegshaveturnedtowaterandtheybuckle.I’veneverlostcontrolofmybodylikethisbefore.Nathan’sarmshootsout,andIgrabit.
“Youokay?”
Inod.“Justtrippedoverthecarpet.”Comeon,insides.Iimaginethemturningtoiron.Tosteel.ButthenIseeallthesepeoplebargingintomytinyroom,mylittleroomwiththedeadbodyinside,andmymusclesgoallpaperyagain.Ican’tgoinside.Ican’t.“I’lljustwaitouthere.Seemsprettycrowdedinthere.”Atleastmyvoicecomesoutsomewhatnormal-ish.
NathannodsandIholdontohisarm,soreassuringlysolidandstrong,themusclesunderneathhisshirttightundermypalm.HeleadsmetothewallandIleanagainstit,hopingIlookrelaxedinsteadoffloppy.Hereachesforward,asthoughabouttobrushastraystrandofhairawayfrommyface,butstopsatthelastsecond.
“Nathan,I—”
Afireburnsbrightinhiseyes,andhetakesanothersteptowardme.“Yeah?”
Iwhat?Myvoicetrailsoff.Iloveyou?Ihaven’tstoppedthinkingaboutyousincecollege?IhaveacorpseinsidemyroomthatyouthoughtwasmyboyfriendbutactuallyisjustsomedudeIkilledlastnight?Ishakemyhead.“Nothing.”
Thelightdiesaway,leavinghisfaceslackwithdisappointment.Guiltscratchesawayatme.Butanymomentnow,thosepeopleinsidemyroomaregoingtowonderwhythestrangemaninmybedisn’twakingupwithallthenoisearoundhim,andthen—
“I’llgoinandhurrythemalong.”HestridesintomyroombeforeIcananswer.
Istayput,squeezingmyeyestight,hopingthatmyauntsandmothercamethrough.Footstepsrushout,andmyeyelidsflyopen.Maureen’srightinfrontofme,herfaceflushed,chestheaving.
“You’vehiddenthemsomewhere.Youmust’vestashedthem—”Ican’thelpbutflinchawayfromtheincandescentrage.“Wheredidyouhidethem?”shesays.
Inaflash,Nathan’sbehindher,takingherbytheshoulderandarmandpullingherawayfromme.“That’senough,”hesays,andhisvoice,thoughlow,hasadangeroustonetoitthatsilenceseveryone,evenMaureen.“We’veencroachedonMeddelin’sprivacywithoutanyconcretecauseandwe’vefoundnothing.”
Nothing.Iswallowthehugelumpinmythroat,concentratingonnotcryinguncontrollably.Theyfoundnothing.Maandtheauntieshavemanagedtogetridofthebodyintimeafterall.
“Butshemust’vehiddenthemsomewhereelse!”Maureencries.“Aren’ttherestofthevendorsherfamilymembers?Maybeweshouldsearchtheirroomstoo!”
Tomfrowns.“True—”
“No.”TheexpressiononNathan’sfacemakesmethinkofatumultuoussea.“We’vedoneenough.AndyoushouldbeapologizingtoMeddelin.”
“Apologizetoher?”Maureencries,shrilly.Shelookssoshockedthatsomethinginsidemebreaksthen.
AndI’msuddenlyfilledwithrage.Overflowing,really.She’stakenthegiftsmeantforherbestfriendandtriedtohavethemplantedinmyroomwhenshethoughtshewasabouttobefoundout.Sheisnotinapositiontojudgeme.
WhenIspeak,thewordscomeoutasfirmasafist.“Ithinkweshouldcheckyourroomnow,Maureen.”
Everybodyfallsquiet,alleyescrawlingovertoMaureen.
“But—”WhateverelseMaureenwasabouttosaytrailsaway.She’sstaringatme,andIdon’tknowwhatitis,butshemust’vespottedsomethinginmyexpression,somethingthatgivesitaway.Hereyesgowidewithshock,andhermouthclosesquietly.Forthefirsttime,Iseeitplainasday,writtenacrossherface.Fear.
SheknowsI’vedonesomethingtothwartherplans.
Andwithhershock,hermaskslips,justalittle,andJacquelineknowsherbestfriendwellenoughtounderstandwhat’sjusthappened.Herpaleshouldersstoptrembling,andshestaresatMaureen.Then,quietasafeatherlandinginthesnow,Jacquelinesays,“Youwerethelastonewiththegifts.”Soquiet,butimpossibletoignore.
“No,Jackie,Iswear—”
JacquelineturnstoNathanandsays,stillinthatpainfullyquietvoice,“I’dliketoseeherroom,please.”
Nathangivesasombernod.
“No!”Maureencries,butit’stoolate.Theentourageturnslikethetide,unstoppable,andbeforeIevenregisterit,we’remarchingdownthehallwayagain,withMaureenstumblingafterus,pleadingwithustostop.
Thisdoesn’tfeelgood.It’sdefinitelynotsomethingIwanttocelebrate,butIguessit’snecessary.Andwhenwegettoroom317,Ialmostwanttoshoutatthemtostop,toturnaround.ButIstandbackandletthemopenthedoorwhileMaureengoesbackandforthbetweensaying,“Youknowyouwon’tfindanything,god,whatawasteoftime”to“Shemust’vedonesomething,shemust’vearrangedforsomething—”AndIfeelsicktomystomach.
Iwanttowaitoutsidelikebefore,butIdon’twanttobeleftalonewithMaureen,soIfolloweveryone.Backinherroomonceagain.Istayjustinsidethedoorway,nexttothebathroomdoor,asthesecurityguardsgothroughtheroom.They’rebeingrespectful,probablybecausetheirbossishere,butstillitfeelslikesuchabreachofprivacy
“Makethemstop,”MaureenbegsJacqueline.
Jacquelineturnsawayfromher,eyesdowncast,andMaureengoestoNathan.“Youcan’tdothis.Idon’tgivemyconsent!”
“I’msorry,”hesays,andIcanseehe’sstrugglingtoo.He’snotenjoyingthis,notonebit.
Tom’sstridingeverywhere,peeringovertheguards’shouldersandsnappingordersatthemtolookharderandfaster.Heactuallysays,“Lookharderandfaster,”asifitmakesonebitofgoddamnsense.Hiseyesarealight.HelooksmorealivethanI’veseenhimsofar.He’snotlikingthis;he’slovingit.IdecidethenthatIdespisehim.Jacquelineshouldn’tbewithsomeonesoabrasiveandentitled.Shehasasweetdisposition,whereasTomiseverythingbutsweet.Overtime,he’llwearherdown,stripherofhergentlenessuntilonlyresentmentremains,hardandsharp-edged.
Someoneinsidethebedroomshouts,“Foundit!”Iclosemyeyes,everythinginsidemesinking.That’sit.
It’sasthoughagun’sbeenfired.Everybodyshootsuptoattention,andtheatmosphereiselectric.Theguardrushesoutofthebedroomcarryingtheduffelbag,andTomandhisfatherrushover,grabbingitfromhim.Ortryingto,atleast.Theguardbarks,“Getback,please,sir,”untilNathanholdsouthishandandtellstheoverzealousguardit’sokay.ThebagishandedovertoMr.Sutopo,whoripsitopen.
Jewelryspillsoutlikeglitteringintestines.Itlooksobscenesomehow.Iturnawayaseveryonegasps.Jacquelineuttersahalf-sob,half-sigh.
“No,”Maureenmoans.“No,thiscan’tbe.Ineedto—I—”Shefumbleswithherphone,butTomgrabsitfromher.“Giveitback!”
“Ithinkthiscountsasevidence,”hecrows.
Nathanfrowns.HeobviouslydislikesTomasmuchasIdo,butIdon’tknowifTom’sright.Doesherphonecountasevidence?Nathanholdsouthishand.“Pleasegivemethephone.We’llholditinoursaferoom,andwewon’tgothroughanythinguntilwecangettheauthoritieshere.”Reluctantly,Tomdoesashe’stold.
“Thankgodwegottheseback,”Mrs.Sutoposays,bendingoverandstrokingthepileofjewelryasifit’sababy.
JacquelineshakesherheadandwhisperstoMaureen,“Howcouldyou?”
Ididn’tthinkMaureencouldlookanyworse,butwhenJacquelinesaysthat,Maureen’sfacecrumples.
“Ididn’tmeanto—Ijust—”
NathanplacesahandonMaureen’sshoulder.“Ithinkit’sbestifyoudon’tsayanythingelsefornow.Let’sgotomyoffice.”Histoneisreassuringbutfirm,andIrealizethenthathe’stryingtohelpher.Mychesttightenspainfully.Iwanttoreachoutandtouchhim,thankhimforshowingsomecompassion.
“Youroffice?”Tomsays,withasneer.“Youcan’tbeserious.Thisisn’tyourproblemanymore,it’sacriminaloffense.I’mcallingthecops.”
“No!”
Everyonestopsandlooksaroundinobviousconfusion.MaureenandJacquelinebothshouteditatthesametime.
“Babe,”Tomsays,takingJacqueline’shand,“youdon’tunderstand—”
“Ido,”shesaysquietly.“AndIdon’twanttopresscharges.”
Maureensucksinabreathygasp.“Thankyou—”
“Okay,that’sjustcrazytalk.”TomletsgoofJacqueline’shandanddoesthistotallyhumorlesslaugh.“Imean,Iknowshe’syourfriendorwhatever,butshestolefromus.”
“Andourfriendshipisoverbecauseofit.Butwe’vefoundthegiftsnow,andIjustwanttomovepastit,putitbehindus.”
Tomsnorts,anuglysound.“Okay,babe,Idon’tthinkyou’rethinkingstraightrightnow.Maybeyou’reallconfused’causeit’stheweddingday,butthisisaseriouscrime.”
“Wefoundthegifts!Whatmoredoyouwant?”Jacquelinesnaps.
“Well,youknowwhat?Ihatetosaythis,butthegiftsweremostlyfrommyrelatives,soIthinkIgettodecidewhathappenstothethiefwhotriedtostealthem.”
“What?”Thewordcomesoutpoisonous.I’mprettysurenooneintheroomisbreathing,andhonestly,wow.TomCruiseSutopo,goingevenlowerthantheverylowbarIsetforhim.
Hemusthavefeltthetideturningagainsthim,becausehesputters,hesitatesbeforehedecidestopushon.“Ijustmean—ugh,Pa,helpmeouthere.Talksomesenseintoher!”
Mr.Sutopotakesafewstepsforwardandplacesahandonhisson’sarm.“Comeon,son.Ithinkit’sbesttoletitgo.”
“Yes,”Mrs.Sutoposays,“likewealwaystellyou,wheneverpossible,choosetobegenerous.Sobegenerousnow.”SheturnstoNathanandsays,“Thankyou,thematterisdone.Wewon’tbepressingcharges.”
Nathannods,ignoringthewailofcomplaintfromTom.
“Thankyou,Jackie,”Maureensobs.“I’msosorry—”
“Iwantyoutoleave,”Jacquelinesays,stillinthatverycalmvoice.“Idon’twanttoseeyoueveragain.Isthatokay?”sheasksNathan.“Isthereayachtavailable?”
“I’llmakearrangements.”Nathannodsatoneoftheguards,whoescortsMaureen,stillweeping,outoftheroom.“I’msorryforallthetrouble.IsthereanythingelseIcandoforyou?”
Jacquelineshakesherhead,andweallleavetheroom,deepinourowntroubledthoughts.25
Outside,Jacqueline’smomchecksherwatchandsays,“Ohmygod,it’salmosttimefortheceremony.”
“Butwhataboutthefamilyportraits?”Mr.Sutoposays.
“Notime.Wecandothemaftertheceremony,maybe?”Mrs.Sutopogivesmeaquestioningglance,andInod.
“Yeah,definitely,wecansqueezetheminthen,”IsayinthemostreassuringtoneofvoiceIcanmanage.
“Ijustgotastormwarningheadedourway,”Mr.Sutoposays,lookingathisphone.“Ihopeitdoesn’thitusduringtheceremony.That’llbeabitofbadluck,eh?”
“It’llbefine,”Nathansays,quickly.“We’vegottheballroomsetupincaseitstartstorain.”
“Good.Okay,weneedtogoandtouchupyourmakeupfortheceremony,”Jacqueline’smomsays.“Meddelin,canyoucallyourauntieandaskhertomeetusatthebridalsuite?”
“Sure.”ItakeoutmyphoneanddialSecondAunt’snumberwhileeverybodyelserushesofftoprepfortheceremony.Why’sshetakingsolongtopickup?
Noisefloodsthroughthereceiver.“Hallo?Meddy?”SecondAunt’spracticallyshouting.
“SecondAunt?Whereareyou?”
“Aduh,Meddy.Gotabitproblem.”
Ohno.Mychesttightens,andmyfreehandclenchesintoafist.No,whateveritis,pleasedon’tletitbetoo,toobad.I’vejusthandledonecrisis,can’tIhaveabreak?It’sastruggletokeepmyvoicelevel.“Whatisit?”
“Ummm.Well,yousee.Well.Hardtoexplainwhosefault,youknow?Becausenobodytellinganybodywhatanybodydo,sotheneverybodydoingeverything.”
“SecondAunt,you’rekillingme.Pleasejusttellmewhat’shappened.”
“Well,hmmm.Hardtoexplain.”
CouldIbeanymorefrustrated?PrettysureI’msofreakinganxiousandannoyedrightnowIcouldchokeahorse.ThoughIwouldn’t.ButIcould.“SecondAunt!”
“Well,nomatter,nothingcando.Whatyoucallmefor?”
Ishakemyheadalittle,tryingtoclearitoftheangryfog.Deepbreaths.Inhale.Exhale.Focusonthewedding,onpoorJacqueline.Andanyway,IcanalwaysaskMawhatthehell’sgoingon.Macanneverkeepasecretfromme.“Thebrideneedsyoutotouchuphermakeupbeforetheceremony.”
“Ah,okay!Igotherenow.”
Assoonasshehangsup,IscrollthroughmycontactstodialMa’snumber,butsomeoneclearshisthroat,interruptingme.
“Nathan!”Ohno,howlonghashebeenthere?Whathasheheard?WhathaveIsaid?
“Sorry,Ididn’tmeantostartleyou.”
“Ha,no,youdidn’t.”Hedid.“CanyouIhelp?”
“What?”Hefrowns.
Iwince.ThisiswhathappenswhenItrytospeakwhilefranticallyriflingthroughmyconversationwithSecondAuntforanythingincriminating.“Sorry,Imeant,didyouneedsomething?”Didthatcomeouttoobrusque?
“Um.Iwantedtoapologizefor—”Nathangesturesaroundhimwithasigh.“Youknow.Everythingthatjusthappened.Itriedtodissuadethemfromsearchingyourroom.Iknowthatwasarealintrusion.”
Everythinginsidememelts.“Thankyouforsayingthat.Iknowyoudideverythingyoucould.Butit’sokay,Ididn’tmind,anditallgotsortedoutintheend,so.”Iloveyou.I’mstillinlovewithyou.FOCUS.Sweetashe’sbeing,Ican’tletmyselfgettoodistractedrightnow.IneedtocallMaandfindoutwhat’sgoingon.“Anyway—”
“Where’syourboyfriendrightnow?”
“Mywhatnow?”
Nathantakesadeepbreath,obviouslytryingnottoshowthathe’sfeelingabithurtbywhateverhe’sabouttosay.“Yourboyfriend?Theguywhowasinyourroombefore.”
Everythingthatjustmeltedinsidememomentsagofreezesintosharppoints.Shit.Step.Carefully.“Oh,um,hewentforawalkaroundtheresort,”Isay,weakly.Ohgod,hemustthinkI’mthebiggestassholeever,havingkissedhimtwiceandthentellinghimIhaveaboyfriend.Argh!
“Really.That’s…interesting.”Hishandsomefaceisunreadable.“OnlyItookalookattheyachtpassengerlist,andhe’snotlistedasapassengerwhenyoucametotheisland.”
“That’s—yeah.Uhhuh.”Think!Quickly!“That’sbecausehe’sactuallyoneofthestaffmembers?”Iblurtout.Mymindstrugglestokeepupwithmymouth,goingoverthewords.That’sactuallynotabadidea.“Yeah,he’sactuallynotmyboyfriend,he’ssortofaone-nightstand.Oraone-morningstand,ifyouwill.”Igivewhatsoundsliketheworld’sfakestlaugh.
“Sooneofmystaffmemberslefthisposttohavea—athingwithyou,andthentookanapinyourroom?I’vegottatellyou,ashisemployer,I’mnotverypleasedtohearthat.”
Canthispossiblygetanyworse?“Idon’twanttogetanyoneintrouble,”Iwarble.“Ijust—hewasn’tasleepforverylong,we’djust—youknow.”
Nathansighs,hisbroadshoulderssaggingatad.“Iknow.I’mprobablyjustlettingmyjealousygetintheway.Honestly,it’sfine.You’rebothconsentingadults.It’sbeenabitofaday,that’sall.”
“I’msosorry.”Andoh,howImeaneverywordofthat.Ican’tevendescribejusthowsorryIamabouteverything
Asmallsmileflickersacrosshisface,turningitintotheNathanIknowandlove.IfIcouldjustreachoutandkisshim.“No,don’tapologize.It’sokay.Thecrisisisover.Ishouldgo.Makesureeverything’srunningsmoothlyfortheceremony.”
“Right,yeah.I’llseeyouaround.”
“Seeyou,Meddy.”
Justthesoundofmynamecomingoutinthatlow,richtoneisenoughtosendashiverdownmyspine.Iwatchhimleave,andthenIshakemyheadtoclearitoncemore.I’vebeendoingalotofthattoday.It’shardformymindtokeepupwithallthecrazythat’sgoingontoday.ItakeoutmyphoneoncemoreandcallMa.
“Hallo,Meddy?”Inthebackground,peoplearehootingandlaughingloudly.
“Ma,what’sgoingon?”
“Gotsmallproblem.Verysmall.”Somethingcrashesandbreaksfromherend.Itsoundslarge.
“What’shappening?”
“Aduh,isyourFourthAunt,lah,shenevertellanyone,shejustcomehere,shegivethemthatdrink,youknow,abstinence?”
“Abstinence?”Forablissfulsecond,I’mconfused.Thenthepennydrops,andhorrorfloodsin.“Absinthe?Shegavewhoabsinthe?”
“Allof—ah!”
“Ma?”
“Donotlistentoyourmom.”
“Isthis—FourthAunt?Isthatyou?”
“Yes,ofcourse,whoelsewoulditbe?”
“Pleasetellmewhat’sgoingon.Whodidyougiveabsintheto?”
“Okay,that’snotexactlytrue.Imean,yes,Ididbringsomeabsinthe,butyourmotherbroughtherusualChinesemedicinecrap,”shehisses,hervoicecomingouttriumphant.IcanpracticallyseeherandMaglaringeachothertodeath.Somethingelsecrashesbehindherandsheyells,“Hey!Stopit!Animals.”
“HerChinesemedicinecrap,”Iecho.“Idon’tunderstand—”
“Well,it’snotactuallyabadthing,Iguess.Look,don’tworrytoomuch,it’sforthebest.”
Analarmgoesoff,andit’snotjusttheonesgoingnutsinmyhead.Ilookatmyphone.Shit.It’sthealertformetobeatthepoolfortheceremony.
“I’vegottogo.Please—”Pleasewhat?“I’vegottogo.”IhangupandrushofftoJacqueline’sroom.
Asalways,it’sinchaos,thoughnowtheburlyguardshavebeenreplacedonceagainwiththebridesmaids.Jacqueline’smakeuphasbeenretouchedandshelooksflawless,notracesoftheuglyincidentwithMaureenonherfaceexceptforthetinytremorthatflickersacrossherchinonceinawhile.Whensheseesme,shesmiles.“Girls,canIhaveaminutewithMeddy,please?”
SecondAunt,who’sflutteringaroundJacqueline,addinglittleinvisiblefinishingtouchestoherhairdo,glancesatmeandgivesmealook.Ihavenoideawhatthelookissupposedtoconvey.I’mdyingtopullherasideandshakeheruntilshetellsmewhat’sgoingon,butinstead,Iwatchherleavethebedroomwiththebridesmaids.
Oncethey’reallgone,Jacquelinesighs.“Meddy,I’mso,sosorry.”
“What—why?”
“Thewholethingabouttheteaceremonygiftsandsearchingyourroom!Ifeelawfulaboutit.”
“Ah,right.Yeah,no,don’tworryaboutthat,please.I’mjustsorrythatyouhadtogothroughallthatstressfulstuff.”
Sheclaspsmyhands.“Ijust—Maureenwassosurethatyou’dtakenit.Istillcan’tbelieveshedidthat.”Achokedsobescapes,andshelooksupattheceilingandblinksfuriouslytostophertearsfromfalling.Igrabapieceofpaperfromthetableandfanatherface.“She’smybestfriend,hasbeenforovertenyears.Istillcan’t—”Hereyesglisten,thetearsthreateningtodropandruinallofSecondAunt’shardwork.
“It’sokay,”Isay,hurriedly.“Let’snotthinkaboutthatrightnow.You’llhaveallthetimeintheworldaftertheweddingtogoovereverything.”
“Icouldn’teventellanyofmyfriendsbecausethey’reallmybridesmaidsandTomsaidifanyofthemknew,we’dloseface,becauseitshowsthatIwasstupidenoughtogetdupedbymyownmaidofhonor,soI’vejustbeensittinghere,dyingtotalktosomeoneaboutit,someonewhounderstands—”
“Igetit.Butyou’renotstupid.”Seriously,Tom?Whattheactualfuck.“Youreallyaren’t.Nobodysawitcoming.”
Shesniffles.“Thankyou.”
“Youlooksoradiant.Yourpicturesaregoingtoturnoutbeautifully.”
“Really?”Shebrightensalittle.
“Yeah.EasilythemostbeautifulbrideI’vephotographed.Anddefinitelymyfavoriteclient.Well,topfiveanyway.”
Shelaughs.“Topfive?Noteventopthree?”
Iwrinklemynose.“Maybetopten.”Wegrinateachother,thenIhelpherup,brushinglintoffthefrontofherpoufydress.“You’reavision.”Icheckmyphoneforthetime.“I’vegottatakepositionatthevenue.I’llseeyouthere,Jacqueline.You’llbeamazing.”Igiveherhandsanothersqueezebeforeleaving.
Inthelivingroomofthebridalsuite,IlookaroundforSecondAunt,butshe’snowheretobefound.Damnit.Irushdownthehallway,intotheopenair,andrevelinthefreshoceanbreeze.Theweddingceremonyhasbeenarrangedtotakeplaceonthewater.Literallyonthewater;theresortisbuiltintheshapeofasemicircle,withthehuge,sprawlingbuildinggentlycurvingaroundagiantinfinitypool.Astagehasbeenbuiltrightontopofthepool,soitlookslikeit’sfloating.Rowsuponrowsofflowersadornthesidesoftheaisle,andbowlsofflowerswithlanternsinthemiddlefloatserenelyonthepool’ssurface.Thewholesetupisbreathtaking.
Therearetwothousandseatssetuparoundtheinfinitypool,andthey’reallfull.Ironically,twothousandisonthesmallersideforaChinese-Indonesianwedding.InJakarta,theaveragemiddle-classweddingwouldhaveoverthreethousandattendees.Theguestslookhappy,whichisarelief;Isupposenoneofthemknowsofthemishapsthathavehappenedbehindthescenes.Foralltheyknow,thisamazingweddingisgoingoffwithoutahitch.IlookaroundforMaandmyaunts,butthey’renowheretobeseen.Sebwavestomefromadistance,andIgivehimathumbs-up.He’llbecoveringthewholeceremonyfromafarwithhis18-200mm.Takingadeepbreath,Iattachmy35mmlenstomyfirstcameraandthe24-70mmlenstomysecondcameraandgettowork,capturingpicturesoftheentiresceneaswellasclose-upsofasmanydetailsasIcangetwithoutbeingtooobtrusive.
Thenthemusicbeginsandtheemcee’svoiceboomsoutoverthespeakers.
“Ladiesandgentlemen,pleasestandtogreettheparentsofthegroom!”
Tiffanychairsscrapebackastheguestsgettotheirfeet.
“Mr.andMrs.Sutopo,everyone!”theMCsays,asTom’sparentswalkdowntheaisle,smilingandwavingtotheirfamilyandfriends.Inimblysteptoonesideoftheaisle,makingsurenottofallintotheswimmingpool,andtakepicturesofthem.
“Behindthemarethegroomsmen.Let’sgivethemaroundof—um.”
I’madjustingmyshutterspeedwhentheMC’sfalteringvoicecatchesmyattention,andIlookuptoseethefirstgroomsmanturnthecornerandwalkdowntheaisle.Orrather,lurchdowntheaisle.He’svisiblystumbling,hisshirthalfuntucked.Myinsidescrampupsickeningly.Thesecondgroomsmanisn’tfaringanybetter,andneitheristhethird
“Aroundofapplauseforthegroomsmen,everyone!”theMC’svoicecomesagain,atoneofuneasinessinit.
Lukewarmclappingstartsup,andthenmurmursstartasthefourthandfifthgroomsmenstumbledowntheaisledrunkenly,laughing,theirarmsaroundeachother.TheMCkeepsupacheerfulchatter,tryingtodrownoutthemurmur,andthenthesixth,seventh,andeighthgroomsmencomeout,andit’sevenworsebecauseoneofthemissodrunkthathe’s
Ihavenoideawhattodoasidefromcontinuetakingpicturesofthem.Isuppose,foronce,thisisn’tmyproblemtofix,whichisanicethoughtto—
Oh.
My.
God.
Asthegroomsmentaketheirplaceatthealtar,I’mnowcloseenoughtoseethattheeighthgroomsman,theonethatIthoughtwastoodrunktowalk,theonewhowasbeingcarriedbytheothers
TheeighthgroomsmanisAhGuan.PART3?GIRLGETSBOY(Ortriesto,anyway.It’strickybecausethere’sacorpseandeverything.)26
Iwon’tscream.Iwon’t.Thisisfine.It’sabsolutelynotaproblem.Yep.Icanhandlethis.Whocan’thandlealittleproblemlikeafuckingcorpseproppeduponthealtarlikesomemacabrepuppetinfrontoftwothousandpeople?
Iamtotallyfine.Toh-tah-lee.
IthinkI’mgoingtothrowup.Orfaint.Orspontaneouslycombust.Whatthehellisgoingon?Whydidtheybringhimout?
IstudythetwogroomsmenproppingAhGuanup.SinceI’monlyafewfeetawayfromthem,Icanseethatbehindtheirsunglasses,they’redrunkAF.Alltwelveofthegroomsmenare.They’reallswayingontheirfeetandgigglingandpointinginrandomdirections,andnoneofthemseemstoknowwhatthehell’sgoingon.Canabsinthehavesuchadramaticeffectonpeople?JusthowmuchdidFourthAuntgivethem?
Sweattricklesdownthebackofmyneck.Ineedtodosomething.Theseguysaren’tgoingtostayontheirfeetforlong,andoncetheygodown,there’snotellingwhat’llhappenwithAhGuan’sbody.Ilookaroundandtrytocatchtheweddingplanner’seyewithoutcallingtoomuchattentiontomyself,butit’suseless;she’sbehindthecrowd,overseeinghervariousstaffmembers,probablycoordinatingthebridalparty’sentranceintimewiththemusic
“Andnow,hereheis,”theMCbooms,gettingbackintohisrhythmaftertheinterruptionofthegroomsmen,“themanofthehour,thehandsomegroom,TomCruuuuiseSutopo!”
Snappingoutofmypanic,IraisemycameraandcapturethemomentasTomswaggersdowntheaislewithasmugsmile.EachtimeIpressthetriggertotakeaphoto,Iwanttolaughhysterically.WhyamIstillbotheringtodomyjob?Thereisaliteralcorpseonthealtar!Thingscan’tpossiblygetanyworsethantheyarerightnow.Still,somehow,throughmypanic,Ikeeptakingphotoafterphoto,evenadjustingtheshutterspeedinbetweenpictures.Here’sTomlookingsmug;here’sanotherofTomlookingevensmugger;here’syetanotheroneofTom,lookingniceinhissuitbutalsosmug.Andthewholetime,AhGuan’sbodyisonlyafewfeetawayfromme.It’sasthoughIcanfeelthecoldnessofhisauracreepingupmyback.Ihavetokeepstoppingmyselffromturningaroundandlookingathim.
AsTomnearsthealtar,hissmilewavers.Ah.He’sspottedhisgroomsmen.Hetrieshisbesttokeepthesmirkonhisface,buthiseyesflashashetakesintheirrumpledtuxedos,theirsunglasses,andtheirunsteadiness.Hetakeshisspotnexttothem.
“Whatthefuck,guys?”hesays,hislipsstillstretchedinafakesmile.“Seriously,whatthefuck?”
ThegroomsmannexttoTomturnstostareathim,mouthagape.Ittakesafewmomentsbeforehisbrainapparentlycatchesupandhesays,“Whur?”
“Unfuckingbelievable,”Tommutters.“Youguysareinsomuchtrouble.”
Iswallow.Tom’sonlyseparatedfromAhGuan’sbodybysevengroomsmen.He’ssoclosetohim.Whenheleansforwardtolookdownthescragglylineofgroomsmen,myheartsqueezeslikeafistandIverynearlypassout.ButallTomdoesissneerandshakehisheadatthembeforestraighteningbackup.
ThemusicwindsdowntoapauseandtheMCsays,“Andnow,ladiesandgentlemen,let’swelcomethebridalparty!”Pachelbel’sCanoninDMajorstartsplaying,andthefirstbridesmaidcomesout.
Withalleyesonher,I’mtheonlyonewhospotsthefirstgroomsman’sheadbobbingdownslowlybeforejerkingbackup.Ohno.Helookslikehe’sabouttofallasleep.
IinchclosertoTom.WhenI’mwithinwhisperingdistance,Isay,“Tom,Ithinkweneedtodismissyourgroomsmen.”
HeglancesatmelikeI’manirritatingfly,andscoffs.“Right,andbegroomsmen-lessonmyceremonylikesomefuckingloser?Nothappening.”
“Lookatthem.Theycanbarelystayontheirfeet.”Inodtowardthegroomsmen,atleastthreeofwhomareswayingmoredramatically.Shit,oneofthem’sholdingAhGuanup.Ifhefalls…“Iftheyfallover,it’llmakesuchahugescene,”Ihiss,myvoicerisingwithpanic.“It’llruineverything!”Likemylife,forexample.
AflickerofuncertaintycrossesTom’sface,butthenheliftshischin,hisjawworkingintoastubbornclench,andsays,“Iftheyfallover,I’mgonnasuetheshitoutofthem.”
“Suethem?”Howdoeshistwistedlittlemindevenwork?Suehisownfriends?Imean,sure,fromhispointofview,hisfriendshavelethimdownmajorly,butstill,that’snotagoodreasontoletthisgoonandruinhisownwedding.Talkaboutcuttingoffyourownnosetospiteyourface.Also,withatwistofguiltinmyguts,ithitsmethatit’snotevenreallythegroomsmen’sfault.FourthAuntwastheonewhogotthemdrunkoutoftheirminds.Ineedtofixthis,buthow?ItakeoutmyphoneanddialtheWP’snumber.
“Aroundofapplauseforourgorgeousbridesmaids,”theMCannounces,hisvoicedrippingwithobviousreliefthatnoneofthebridesmaids,sofar,seemdrunk.
“Hello?Meddelin?”theweddingplannersays.“Whatisit?Aren’tyouonduty—”
“Weneedtogetthesegroomsmenoffthestage.”
Shesighs.“Yeah,theyseemreallydrunk,theshitheads.Idon’tknowhowwecandothatwithoutstoppingeverything,though.”
Thefourthbridesmaid’salreadywalkingdowntheaisle.I’mrunningoutoftime.
“AsktheMCtoannounceit,makeitseemlikeitwastheplanallalongtohavejustthebrideandgroomonstage.Havehimbelike,‘Andnowthebridalpartywillleavesothegroomandthebridecanhavethestagetothemselves.’”
“Huh.Thatcouldwork.Yeah.Goodidea.I’lllethimknow.God,thosefuckers,theylooklikethey’reabouttofallover.”ShehangsupandIreleasemybreath.Please,pleaseletitwork.Letthegroomsmenholdittogetherlongenoughtogetoffthestage.Ofcourse,oncethey’reoffthestage,Ihavenoideawhat’sgoingtohappenwithAhGuan,butonestepatatime.
Whenthelastbridesmaidhastakenherpositionatthealtar,there’sanexpectanthush.InChinese-Indonesianweddings,bythetimetheceremonystarts,thegroomandclosefamilymemberswouldhaveseenthebride,buttherestoftheweddingguestshavenot.TheMCshouts,“Andnow!Themomentyou’veallbeenwaitingfor!Herecomesourbeautifulbride,JacquelineWijaya!”
EveryoneoohsandaahsasJacqueline,flankedbyherparents,roundsthecornerandwalksgracefullydowntheaisle.Shelookslikeafairyqueen.Herdressbillowsgentlyinthewind,makingherlookethereal,andbehindthesheerlaceveil,herfaceisradiant.ButasIzoominandtakepicturesofher,Iseethathersmileisforced,herchintremblingslightly.TanteYohanasayssomethingtoher,andshegivesasmallnod.
Inthedistance,IcanseetheweddingplannerrunningtotheMCandwhisperingsomethingtohim.Hefrownsandshakeshishead.Myheartsinks.He’srefusingtomaketheannouncementforthebridalpartytoleavethestage.Theweddingplannersayssomethingelse,gesturingwildly,andtheMClooksoveratthestage,wincingwhenhisgazelandsonthegroomsmen.Jacquelinearrivesatthestage,embracesbothherparents,andthenturnstofaceTom,whosmirksather.
“Andhereweare,thebrideandgroom,ohwhatalovelycouple,”theMCsays.“Beforetheceremonybegins,willallthebridesmaidsandgroomsmenpleaseleavethealtarsothatthebrideandgroomcanhavesomeprivacy?”
Amurmurripplesthroughthecrowd,andJacquelineandTomturnaroundinconfusion.
“Whatthehell’sgoingon?”Tomsays
IwalkovertothemasdiscreetlyasIcanandsay,“Ithinkit’sforthebest.Thegroomsmenlookill.Youdon’twantthemtocauseasceneduringtheceremony.”
Jacqueline’seyeswidenasshenoticesthegroomsmenintheirdisheveledstateforthefirsttime.“Ohmygod.Yeah,you’reright.Yeah,tellthemtogo.”
“No!”Tomsnaps.“They’reMYgroomsmen,Igettodecidewhattodowiththem,andIsaytheystay.”
“They’renotthings,Tom,”Jacquelinehisses.“Lookatthem,they’reamess.Theyneedtogoliedown.”Sheleansoverandraiseshervoice.“Yes,thankyouallsomuchforbeinghere.Um,theceremony’sgoingtorunprettylong,soyouguyscantakeaseat.”Shegesturesatherbridesmaidstoleaveaswell.
Thebridesmaidsstartwalkingbacktowardtheaisle,butthegroomsmencontinueswayingintheirspotsuntilJacquelinenodstooneofthebridesmaids.Shewalksacrossthestageandtakesthefirstgroomsmanbythehand,apparentlyintendingtoleadhimdowntheaisle.
“No!Don’tanyofyoudaremove,”Tombarks,loudenoughfortheguestsinthefronttohear.Theyshiftandlookatoneanother,andthemurmurgetslouder.
“You’renotbeingreasonable,”Jacquelinesays.“Goon,”shesaystothebridesmaid,“takethemoutofhere.”
Thebridesmaiddoesasshe’stold,loopingherhandthroughthegroomsman’sarmandgrippingittightwithherotherhand,staggeringalittlewhenthegroomsmanswaysandrestssomeofhisweightonher.
“Stop,”Tomsays,butit’stoolate.Allthebridesmaids,whoobviouslydespisehim,haveralliedaroundandarehelpingthegroomsmenoffthestage.“No,wait—WAIT!”
Itallhappensinslowmotion.IseeTomreachingoutdesperately,angrily,grabbinganythinghecanreach.Iseeitunfoldsoslowly,asthoughhe’smovingunderwater,orinadream.Oranightmare,rather.Becauserightthen,thenearestmantoTomisgroomsmannumberseven.OneoftheguysholdingupAhGuan.Mymouthdropsopen,anda“Nooo”comesout,lowandslowandmuchtoolate.
Tomgrabsthegroomsman,jerkinghimbackward,andinhisinebriatedstate,groomsmannumberseventumblesoverlikeabowlingpin.Groomsmannumbersix,who’sproppingupAhGuan’sotherarm,stumblestoo,hisfeetstaggeringacrossthestageuntilhereachestheedgeandfallswithadramaticsplashintotheinfinitypool.Withoutanysupport,AhGuanfallsdownontothestagefloorlikealog.
I’mgoingtobesick.Thisissobad—thisis—itcan’tbehappening.
Peoplearescreaming.Moregroomsmenhavefallenintothewaterand—ohgod—they’retoodrunktoswim.
“Savethem!”someonescreams.Therearemoreshouts,butIcan’tmakeanyofthemout.Theworldisablurofnoiseandmovement.
Severalofthegueststakeofftheirjacketsandplungeintothewater.Nathanisrunningfromthebackoftheceremony,wherehemust’vebeenstanding,overseeingtheproceedings.Hissecurityguardsrunaheadofhimandjumpintothewater.
RealitycomesrushingbackandIrealizethatinthechaos,noone’snoticedthebody.AhGuanstillliesonthestage,undisturbedwhilepeopleclambereverywhere.Thisismychance.I’vegottogethimoutofhere.IgrabhisarmandIdon’thesitate,notonebit.Iputallofmystrengthintoit,andtheadrenalinecoursingthroughmyveinspropelsmeup,up,up,andbeforeIknowit,I’mstanding,AhGuan’sarmflungacrossmyshoulders.Igriphiswaisttight,notevengrimacingalittleatthefactthatI’mholdingadeadman,notgivingmybrainthatspacetofreakout,andtakeastepforward.Andanother.Icandothis.Icanwalkhimoutofhere.
“Ohgod,he’scompletelypassedout,”Jacquelinesays,rushingforward.
No.No,no.
“It’sokay!”Icry.
“Letmehelp—”
She’sreachingforhisotherarm.Herfingersbrushhishand.Hiscold,stiff,deadhand.Theexpressiononherfacefreezes.“Wait—”
“No!”InstinctovertakesmeandIshoveheraside—Ican’tletherfindout,notbeautiful,pristineJacqueline,notlikethis,not—
Shestumblesback,eyeswide,andbeforeIknowit,shetopplesovertheaisleandsplashesstraightintothewater.27
Forthefirsttimeinmylife,Idon’thesitate.Thereisn’tevenasplitsecondof“WhatdoIdonow?”ThemomentJacquelinecrashesintothepool,Idropallofmypreciouscameragearandgoinafterher.
We’reinthedeepend—thepoolisaboutsevenfeetdeephere,andallthattulle,thefrothylayersoflace,theylooklightandairy,butonlandalonethewholethingweighsoverfifteenpounds.Underwater,herdressmightaswellbemetalarmor.Icatchherarmsandpullup,butit’sliketryingtomoveananvil.Idon’tevenhavetimetothink“Ohmygod,shemightdrown.”Iyankup,mylegsgoingkick,kick,kickfrantically.Somehow,webothbreakthesurfaceofthewater.Jacquelinedrawsinadesperate,wheezinggaspbeforemystrengthgivesoutandwebothgobackdown.Mylungsarescreaming,mychestisonfire,andmymusclesarewater.Ikickagain,butmylegsaresofeeble.
Bubblesfrotharoundusallofasudden.Feetandlegsspeardown.Bodiesdivein.Handsreachoutandcatchus,wrappingaroundourarmswithviselikegrips,andbeforeIknowit,I’mbreakingthesurfaceforthesecondtime.Airrushesin,clearandsharpandpainful.Itrytogulpitin.Cough,maybethrowupalittle,trytobreatheagain.
“Easy,easy,it’sokay,”alowvoicesays.
MyeyeskeeprollingbackinmyheadandIfeellikeImightpassoutatanymoment,butstill,somehow,Irecognizethevoiceandthearmwrappedaroundmychest,keepingmebuoyant.
“Nathan—”Isay.Ortrytosay,rather.Itcomesoutasachokedgurgle.
Jacqueline.SaveJacqueline!
“She’sokay,she’sokay.Thelifeguardsgother.”
Sureenough,afewfeettomyright,therearetwolifeguardshelpingJacqueline.They’vethrownafloataroundherandareheadingtothesideofthepool.Myreliefisshort-lived.Iglanceupatthestage,whereabouthalfofthebridalpartyisstillstrugglingtorushoff,andasthoughtheentireuniversehasbeenwaitingformetolook,it’satthismomentthatoneofthebridesmaids,inherhurrytorunoffthestage,tripsoverAhGuan’spronebody.
Shefallsheavily;evenfromwhereI’mwadinginthewater,Icanhearthethud.
“Nearlythere,”Nathansaysreassuringly,butIbarelyregisterit.
Thebridesmaidscramblesup,herfaceamaskofhorror.Asshestands,sheaccidentallykicksAhGuan.Hedoesn’tmove,merelyliestherelikeasackofpotatoes.Hermouthdropsopen.Hershriekpiercesthroughmyentirety,stabbingthroughallofthechaosandpanicofthecrowd.
“He’sdead!”
Theydon’thearheratfirst.Notmostofthecrowd,anyway.They’realltoofocusedonthespectaclethatisJacqueline.Phoneshavebeenwhippedout,allofthemaimedatthefrothywhitemassbeingtuggedtothesideofthepoolbymuscledlifeguards.
Butthenanotherbridesmaidcomestohelpthefirstoneup.
“He’sdead!”thefirstonescreamsagain.
“What?”
“Thatguy!He’sdead!”
ThesecondbridesmaidlooksatAhGuan.Sticksoutahand,herfacedisbelieving.“Yo,dude.”Shepokeshim.Andthensherearsback,herfaceamaskofhorror.Shedoesn’tshout,butwhenhermouthmoves,Icanseeclearlywhatshesays.“Shit.He’sdead.”
???
Thehotel’ssecurityteamisdoingtheirbesttokeepthepeace,butit’snexttoimpossibletokeepthepeacewhentwothousandprivilegedguestshavejustdiscoveredadeadbody.Therearescreams,dramaticgasps,evenmoredramaticswoons,andalotofdemandsto“speaktothepersonincharge.”ThepersoninchargeisNathan,andhe’scurrentlygivingorderstohavethealtarcordonedoffandthegueststobeescortedbacktotheirroomswhilehecallsthesheriff’soffice.
Someone’swrappedatowelaroundme,whichIquicklysoakthrough,drenchedasIaminmyclothes.Thepreviouslywarmseabreezehasturnedcold.Thestormiscoming,andthewindbitesthroughmywettowelandclotheslikeaknife.Ishiver.Ishouldgoinside,butIcan’tbringmyselftoleave,notwhenthedeadbodyofthemanIkilledisrightinthemiddleofeverythingandtherearethousandsofpeoplearoundmepointingandshouting.
Nathan’sstridingeverywhere,givingordersintohiswalkie-talkie.He’salsodrenched,buthedoesn’tseemtonotice.Hestationstwoguardstoblockanyonewithmorbidcuriosity,whichasitturnsoutiseveryonehere,fromgettingdowntheaisle.Eventhoughtheguestsseemhorrified,theyalsoseemfascinated,hopelesslydrawntothedeadbody.
“Meddy!”
IverynearlycrywhenIturntoseeMaandmyauntiesrushingthroughthecrowd.EvenasIwatch,BigAuntelbowsatallmanoutofthewaytomakeroomforMaandtheotheraunties.Loveswellsthroughmyheart.Mybossy,loud,overwhelmingfamilyishere.Everythingis—well,it’sunlikelythatanythingwouldbeokay,butatleastIwon’tbegoingthroughitalone.
Mafinallysqueezesoutofthecrowd,andIrushtogreetherwithahug.She’sneverbeenahugger,butIdon’tcare,notrightnow.Ijustwanttosmellherscent.Foronefleeting,preciousmoment,Icatchthesmellofhome—freshlylaunderedclothesandahintoffishsauce—andIbreatheitallin,takingstrengthfromit.
“Meddy,youokay?How?Whathappen?”myauntiescluckaroundus.“Aduh,whyisthebodythere?”
“Idon’tknow,I—”Iamsurroundedbypeople.“Let’sgetoutofherefirst.”Together,wecutapaththroughthecrowd,myauntselbowingchestsandstompingonfeetwhenevertheyneedto(andsometimesevenwhentheydon’tneedto),untilwe’rewellawayfromthecrowdandroundthesideofthemainresortbuilding.There’snoonehere.Iguesseveryonewho’sinthevicinityhasfollowedthenoiseandenergyofthecrowdtosatisfytheircuriosity.Still,wealllookaroundforafewmomentstomakesurewe’recompletelyalone.
“Okay,so.”Itakeadeepbreath.“IhavenoideahowAhGuanendeduponthealtar.Doanyofyouknowwhathappened?”
AmIsurprisedwhenmyfamilymemberslookdownguiltilyforamoment’sbreathbeforetheyallpointateachotherandsay,“It’sherfault”?Imean,IguessIam,butalsonotreally.
“Okay.”Anotherdeepbreath.“Let’ssee.”BigAuntisglaringatSecondAunt,who’spointinganaccusatoryfingeratBigAunt.MaandFourthAuntarebothpointingateachother.Right.So,nothingnew,then.“Whydoyouthinkit’seachother’sfault?”Iholdmyhandsup.“Wait,onepersonatatime.BigAunt,yougofirst.”
“Whyherfirst?”SecondAuntdemands.
Ishrug.“Idon’tknow,’causeshe’stheeldest?Isn’tthathowtherulesgo?Anyway,wedon’thaveallday,so…BigAunt?Whathappenedfromyourpointofview?”
BigAuntshootsSecondAuntonelastmagnificentglarebeforedragginghergazetomine.Herfacesoftens,andshebeginstellingherstoryinrapidMandarin.
“Iwentbacktothekitchentolookforawaiter’suniformforAhGuan.Therearesomanywaitersandothersortsofserversaround,Ithoughtitwouldbetheperfectdisguise.It’sagoodidea,right?”
IttakesamomentbeforeIrealizeshe’sactuallyexpectingananswer,andIhurriedlynod.“Yes,verygoodidea.”
“SoImadesuretobeextracareful.Iwenttothelockerroomandcheckedthatnoonewasinside,andthenIlookedinsidethelockersonebyoneandaha!Ifoundone!Awaiter’suniform.Ievengothisshoes.Iremembered,yousee,thatAhGuandidn’thaveshoeson.I’mallaboutthedetails,youknow,becauseofmywork,”sheaddswithobviouspride.
IttakesamomentformetoworkoutalltheMandarinwords,andwhenIdo,Isay,“Yes,youareverydetailed,BigAunt.Soyoufoundawaiter’suniform…butwhyisAhGuannotwearingit?”
“Exactly!Whyhenotwearingit?Youaskher!”BigAuntsaystriumphantly,switchingtoEnglishandpointingafingerstraightatSecondAunt’sface.God,she’sgood.Nowthatshe’sdonetellingherpart,she’sswitchedtoEnglishtogoadSecondAuntintorelayingherstoryinEnglishtoo.
“Youtakesolong!”SecondAuntsays,risingtothebait.“AndIknowyouwillmakemistake,forgetthisandthat.Alreadyyoumakesuchbigmessofeverything.WhyIshouldstaythereandwaitforyoutomakemoremistake,Iaskmyself?Why?No.Thistime,Iwilltakecharge.Ihavetogotogroom’ssuitebecausegroomandgroomsmenwanthairdone,sookay,Igo.Inside,Isee,waduh,gotsomanyofthem.Somany!Andalltheirgroomsmenclothesjustlyingaround,andthesesillyboysalldrinkingandnotpayanyattention,soIthink,aha!Thisisperfectdisguise.Gotsomanygroomsmenhere,whowillnoticeoneextraone?Sowhentheynotlooking,ItakeasetandIrushbacktoroom.”
“Ifitmakesyoufeelanybetter,yourmotherandIhelpedtoputthegroomsman’sclothesonhim,”FourthAuntpipesup.
How’sthatevenremotelysupposedtomakemefeelanybetter?
Mamusthavereadthelookonmyface,becauseshesays,“WearealwayslisteningtoBigAunt—”SheturnstoBigAuntandadds,“DaJie,youalwaysgiveverygoodadvice,butthistimewethinkmaybegiveErJieachance,sinceshecomebackwiththegroomsmanuniformsofast.”
Islapmyforehead.“It’snotaboutwhotolistento,it’saboutassessingwhohasthebestplan!”
BigAuntnodssmugly.
“Well,atthetime,itseemedlikedressinghimupasagroomsmanwasthebestplan,”FourthAuntsays.
“Ijust—Imean—nooffensetoyou,SecondAunt,butit’saterribleidea!Whataboutthepoorgroomsmanyouguysstolethesuitfrom?Whereishe?”
“Probablysnoring,deaddrunk,inaclosetsomeplace,”FourthAuntsayswithawaveofherhand.
“But—”
“Stopinterrupting,”FourthAuntsays.“Anyway,sowedressedhimupasagroomsmananddecidedthatwhileeveryone’sbusygettingreadyfortheceremony,we’dtrytogetridofhimthen.”
“Soweeachtakeonearmandthenwecarryhimouttheroom,”Masays.“Wethinkmaybewecancarryhimtothebackgarden,leavehimthereonthebench,thenwilltakelongtimebeforepeoplefindhim.Nobodygotobackgarden,right?”
“Thisisnotawellthought-outplan,”Imoan.
“Itisverywellthoughtout!Howwillanyoneknowwehavesomethingtodowithgroommandeadbody?”Macries.
Iopenandclosemymouth,butnowordscomeout.
“Buthalfwaytobackgarden,youallcometohallwayonyourwaytolookforteaceremonypresent,”SecondAuntsays.“Wepanic!Waduh,whatiftheyseeuswithbody?Sowequicklyhidebehindroomservicecart.”
Ohgod.Thisisgettingworsebythesecond.
“Itwasanawesomeroomservicecart.Ithadallthesebottlesofchampagneinit,”FourthAuntsays.“Whichgavemeanidea.Iranbacktomyroomandgotabottleofabsinthe—”
“Whydoyouhaveabottleofabsinthe?”Ican’tkeeptheshockoutofmyvoice.
“Yes,whydoyouhavebottleofabsinthe?”Masays,theworld’smostjudgmentalsmiledancingonherlips.
“I’manentertainer!”FourthAuntsnaps.“Noneofyouunderstandstheamountofenergyweneedtohavetoevengetourselvesoutonstage,andthenafterward,weneedsomethingtohelpuscomedown.Youshouldbegratefulmydrugofchoiceisjustashotofabsinthe.Mostotherentertainersgowithcoke.”
“Cokegotsomuchsugar,”BigAuntsniffs.“BetterdrinkCokeZero,otherwiselateryougetdiabetes.”
“Shemeanscocaine—nevermind.Sothenwhathappened?”
“Igottheabsintheandwecarriedthebodytothegroomsmensuite.Ijustburstinthereandwent,‘Youboysreadytoparty?’whilewavingthebottlearound.Thegroomsmenwerelike,WOW,beautifulgirlANDalcohol?”
“Ithinktheyonlynoticethealcohol,”Mamutters.
“Theywerewhistling!”
“Atthealcohol!”
“Okay,okay,”Iwhisper-shoutoverthem.“Thenwhathappened?”
“Well,Iusedmywomanlywilestoleadthemtothefarsideofthelivingroom,andwhileweopenedthebottleandpouredshotsforeveryone,yourmotherandSecondAuntcarriedthebodyinsideandputhiminoneofthebedrooms.Everythingwentsmoothly,andTHENyourmotherhadoneofhercrazyideas—”
“Notcrazy,”Mahuffs.“Ijustwanttomakesuretheynotso—youknow—notsoalert.Becauseiftheysoalert,iftheyfindouttooearlythatthereisdeadbodyinthebedroom,thenthatwillbeverybad.”
“Ma,justtellme,whatdidyoudo?”
“Ijust—Iseemanybottlesofchampagneintheirkitchen,soIopenoneortwoandIputsome—youknow.”
Itakeadeepbreath.Bestrong,self.“Idon’tknow.Whatdidyouputinthebottles?”
“JustChinesemedicine,verygoodforhealth.”
“It’sweed,”FourthAuntsays,triumphantly.
“WHAT?”Goodgrief,Idon’tevenknowwheretobegin.There’sthefactthatmymotherhasdruggedadozengroomsmen.Ormaybethefactthatmymothercarriesaroundastashofmarijuanawithher.WhatintheactualF??
“No,no,itistraditionalChinesemedicine,”Mahuffs.Sparemefromyetanotherroundofsiblingrivalry.
“TraditionalChinesemedicinedoesn’tincludemarijuana!”Ialmostscream,butatthelastminuteremembertolowermyvoice.
“No,originalrecipecallforatypeoffungus—itiscalleddongchongxiacao,”Maadmits.“Butwah,dongchongxiacaosoexpensive!SoIlookeverywhereforsubstitute,andthensomeoneonInternettellmethereisthisverygoodherb,calledTetrisHydroCannedOil.Verygoodforpain.”
“Shemeanstetrahydrocannabinol,”FourthAuntsays.Fleetingly,Iwonderifshe’smemorizedwhatTHCstandsforjustforthismoment.
“THC?Ma,that’stheactiveingredientinmarijuana!”Ohmygod.
“No,thisoneisdifferent.Thisherbisverygoodforbloodflow,youknowhowwinterreallyaffectmybones,verybad,sopainful,thesearehelpingme.Ithasabitofsideeffect,makemefeelabitwoozy.”
“Theygetyouhigh,”FourthAuntsays
“Nohigh,justabitwoozy.”
Iclosemyeyes.“Sobetweenthetwoofyou,thosepoorgroomsmengotdrunkANDhigh?Youcould’vekilledthem!”
“Aduh,touchwood,don’tsaysuchbadluckthing,”SecondAuntsays,knockingonanearbytree.
“Don’tsaysuchbadluckthing?”Icry,tornbetweenlaughingandcrying.“Imean,it’sabitlateforthat,don’tyouthink?”
“Tch,”Matuts,“don’tberude,Meddy.Iraiseyoubetterthanthat.”
Thisisunreal.Anotherdeepgulpofair.“Right,soyouguysdruggedthegroomsmen,andthen…”
“Andthenweleave,thatisall,”Masays.“Whenweleavetheyallstillhappyhappy,alllaughing.”
“ButhowdidAhGuanenduponthealtar?”
Myauntsandmomshrug,butIdon’tneedthemtoanswer.Icanpieceittogetherbynow.Iseeitsoclearlyinmymind’seye.Oneofthegroomsmenwould’vegottenacallfromapanickyWP,askingwherethehellarethey,theceremony’sstartingsoon.Theywould’vescrambledtogetdressed.Theroomwould’vebeenspinning,theywould’vebeenstumblingeverywhere,andthenoneofthemmaybewentinthebedroomtogetsomethingandsawAhGuaninbed.Iwatchitunfoldlikeamovieinmymind.HetotterstoAhGuanandnudgeshim.FiguresthatmaybeAhGuanhadpassedout,andinhisabsinthe-marijuana-addledmind,hethinksthebestcourseofactionistodragAhGuantotheceremony.Hecallstheothersinsidetohelp,andoneothergroomsmanappears.Together,theylugAhGuanoutofbed,laughingoverwhatalightweightheis.Thefloortipsundertheirfeetandtheynearlyfall,butit’sallpartofthefun.Theynolongerevenknowwhichsideisup.
Andthat’showacorpseendeduponthealtar.28
TheminuteMaandmyauntiesfinishfillingmeinonwhat’shappenedbehindthescenes,theyeruptintoargumentwithaflurryofMandarin,Indonesian,andEnglish.
BigAunt:“Tuhkan?Yousee,thisiswhathappenswhenyoudon’tlistentome!”
SecondAunt:“Ha!You’rejustjealousbecauseforonce,Itakecontrolofthesituation,we’renotjustfollowingyouaroundlikezombies.”
Ma:“Whydidyougivethemsomuchabsinthe?They’renotdrunkards,likeyou!”
FourthAunt:“Excuseme,it’snotmyfaultifthegroomsmencan’tholdtheiralcohol.Andalso,Iwasn’ttheonewhodruggedthem.”
Thisissotypicalofthem.BigAuntandSecondAuntwiththeirrivalry,MaandFourthAuntwiththeirjealousy.Ican’ttakeanothersecondofit,sowhiletheyarguewithoneanother,Istalkoff.
Asthoughtoreflectourmood,thewind’spickedupandishowlinglikeagrievingwidow.Itsnatchesatmyponytail,whippingitintomyface.Uptothispoint,theadrenalinehasrenderedmeoblivioustomysurroundings,butnow,IrealizethatI’mfreezinginmywetclothes.Myteethareactuallychattering,andeachbreathItakemakesmyjawclack.Ihugthetowelaroundmetightandwalktowardtheinfinitypool.I’mdreadingthesightofwhatwasgoingonwhileItookstockwithmyfamily,butIhaveto.Ihavetoknow.
I’mhalf-expectingthescenetobecrawlingwithcops,tohearthewailofsirensandseetheredandbluelightsflashing.ButwhenIgetthere,theplaceisalmostdevoidofpeople.Thehotel’ssecurityteamisusheringthelastremainingguestsawayfromthesite,tellingeveryoneinsternvoicestogobacktotheirroomsandstayput.JacquelineandTom—thankgod—arenowheretobeseen.IcheckmyphoneandseehalfadozenmessagesfromSeb,tellingmehe’sbeenorderedtogobacktohisroom.MyheartskipsabeatwhenIspotNathanonthestage,histallprofilesilhouettedagainstthestormysky.He’sstaringdownatthebody,andfrommyvantagepoint,it’simpossibletoseetheexpressiononhisface.Hisbackisstraight,buthisheadisbowedasthoughhe’sdeepinthought.
“Miss,please,youneedtoreturntoyourroom,”aguardsays.
Nathanturnsandseesme.“No,she’sfine,she’swithme,”hecallsout,hurryingtowardus.
JustasI’mabouttowalktohim,voicesareraised,andIturnaroundtoseethesheriffI’dseenearlierthatmorningshoulderingpastacoupleofthehotel’ssecurityguards.
“Comingthrough,”hesayspompously.“Sheriffcomingthrough.”Whenhegetsnearme,heplacesameatyhandonmyshoulder,eventhoughthepathiswideenoughforthetwoofus,andpushesmeasidelikeI’mashoppingcartinhisway.“Stepaside,ma’am,sheriffcomingthrough,”hesaysinthatself-importantvoicethatmakesmewanttopunchhim.Instead,IwatchwordlesslyasheswaggersdowntheaisletowardNathan.
Istepcloser,notcloseenoughthatthey’dtellmetogoaway,butjustcloseenoughtohearwhatthey’resaying.It’snothardtohearthesheriff;evenoverthehowlofthewind,he’spracticallybellowingeveryword.
“Knewsomethingbadwasgonnahappen,”hesaysbywayofgreeting.“Youfancyfolkthinkyoucanjustturnuponmyislandandbuildyourgiantresorts—ha!I’vebeenwaitingforthistohappen,boy.”
Nathanplaceshishandsinhispockets,maybetostophimselffrompunchingthesherifftoo.
“Andnowoneofmylittlebirdiestellsmeyougotadeadbody—oh,hello,whatdowegothere?Adeadbody.”
Tomyshock,thesheriffactuallysticksoneofhisfeetoutandnudgesAhGuan’sarmwiththetipofhisshoe.Thatdoesnotstrikemeascorrectcrimesceneprotocol,butthenagain,whoamItojudgewhat’scorrectprotocol?AllIhavetogoonareepisodesofCSIandLawandOrder.ForallIknow,maybeallsheriffsusethetipsoftheirshoesto—okay,whoamIkidding?Thisguyisanut.
“SheriffMcConnell,”Nathansays,“sogladtohaveyouhereagain.”
Thesheriffsnorts,andit’samazinghowmuchheremindsmeofaseal.“Hah,yeah,Ibetyou’reglad.Whatamess.Butnoworries,you’veallgotsomeonewhoknowswhathe’sdoinghere,”hecallsouttothesmallaudience.Helooksaroundandfrowns.“Where’severyone?”
“Wethoughtitbesttohaveasfewpeoplehereaspossible,sowesentalltheguestsbacktotheirrooms.”
“Ohho!Don’twantanywitnesses,isthatit?”thesheriffscratcheshisjawwithconsciouseffort,asifit’ssomethinghe’sseensomeTVdetectivedoanddecidedhe’ddoittoo.
AcreaseformsbetweenNathan’seyebrows.“Well,no,everyone’switnessedthebody—”
“Why’shewearingthatsillyoutfit,then?IsheoneoftheseNewAgeperformers?Batontwirlingorwhatever?”
“Batontwirling?”NathanlookssoconfusedIwanttohughimandapologizeforeverything.“Er,no,hewasagroomsman.”
“Agroomsman,eh?”thesheriffwalksaroundthebodyand,again,nudgesitwiththetipofhisshoe.Thistime,though,hepushesharder,untilAhGuanflopsoverontohisback.IgetaglimpseofhisslackfacebeforeIlookaway,bilelurchingupintomythroat.Withasuperhumaneffort,Iswallowitbackdown.“Ineedtotalktotheothergroomsmen.”
“Sure,theyshouldallbebackintheirrooms;wouldyouliketofollowme—”
“No,bringthemhere.”
“They’re—uh,Idon’tknowhowmobiletheyare.”
Thesheriffnarrowshiseyes.“Bring.Them.Here.Don’tmakemechargeyouwithobstructionofjustice,boy.”
Myhandstightenintofists.Couldthismanpossiblybeanymoreodious?Nathanactivateshiswalkie-talkieandaskssomeonetoescortthegroomsmenbacktothealtar.Whenhe’sdone,helooksattheboilinggraycloudsandsays,“Shouldwetakethebodyindoors?Itlookslikeit’sabouttostartpouring.”
Thesheriffgiveswhatheprobablythinksisareallyslyside-eyeglance.“Isee.Soyouwanttomovethevictimfromthecrimescene,eh?”
“Er…no?Dowhateveryouthinkisbest,”Nathansays.Hetakesouthisphoneandtypessomething.Amomentlater,myphonebuzzes.
Nathan[4:25PM]:Ireallyhatethisguy.He’ssuchahack.
Meddy[4:26PM]:Seriously.Howdidhebecomeasheriff??
Nathan[4:26PM]:Noooidea.Myguessishekilledoffthecompetition.Ormaybetherewasnonetobeginwith.It’sasmallisland.
Meddy[4:27PM]:True.Ihopethisgetsresolvedquickly.
Nathanglancesinmydirectionandsendsmeasmallsmilethatmeltsallofmymuscles.Musclesthatalmostimmediatelytightenupatthesightoftwosecurityguardsescortingacoupleofgroomsmendowntheaisle.Istepasidetoletthempass.Thegroomsmenarestillclearlyoutofit,theireyeswild,theirheadslolling.
“Thesearethemostsoberones,sir,”oneoftheguardssaystoNathanapologetically.
“That’sfine.I’msorryformakingyouguyscomeouthereagain,”Nathansaystothegroomsmen.
Inreply,oneofthemsmilesdopilyandsayssomethinglike,“Shokay,”andtheotheronejuststaresblearilyatNathan.Icringe.MaandFourthAunthavereallydoneanumberonthesepoorguys.
SheriffMcConnellwastesnotime.HestridestowardthegroomsmenandpointsatAhGuan’sbody.“Whowasthisman?”
Theybothlooktowherehe’spointing,andseemstartledalloveragainatthesightofthecorpse.Idon’tblamethem.Evenafterawholedayofmovingitaround,seeinganactualdeadbodyisstillshockingtome.
“Idon’tknow,man,”thefirstgroomsmansays.Thesecondgroomsmancontinuesstaringatthecorpse,mouthagape.Iswearhe’sabouttostartdrooling.
“Hemust’vebeenoneofyourgoodfriends?He’safellowgroomsman?”
Thefirstgroomsmanlaughs.“Nooo.Don’ttellanyone,okay?”Heleansforwardasifhe’sabouttorevealsomesecret,buthisvoiceisstillasloudasever.“Thegroomain’tgotnofriends.Sohehiredustobehisgroomsmen.Mostofusnevermeteachotheruntillastnight.”Helaughsagain.“It’sthefunniestshit.”
Nowit’stimeformymouthtodropopen.Thisexplainssomuch.NowonderTom’sbeensoweirdaroundhisgroomsmen.Nowonderhe’sbeenorderingthemaroundasifthey’rehisemployees.Becausetheyare!He’semployedthemfortheday.AnditexplainswhythegroomsmenquitehappilycarriedAhGuandowntheaisle;asidefromthefactthattheyweredruggedanddrunkoutoftheirsenses,theyjustplaindidn’trecognizeoneanother
Thesheriffshakeshishead.“Sononeofyouknewthisguy?”HenudgesAhGuan’sshoulderagainwithhisshoe.WhatisupwithhimandtheneedtokeepproddingAhGuanwithhisfoot?
Bothgroomsmenshaketheirheads.
“Wouldtheothersknowhim?”
Thefirstgroomsmanshrugs.“Imean,whoknows?Maybe?Tomhadtohirepeoplefromthreedifferentagenciesbecauseheneededsomanybodies.Oops,badwordchoice,lol.”Hesays“lol”asifit’sanactualword.
Someonenudgesmyelbow,andIturntoseeMaandmyauntiesbehindme.
“Whatareyoudoingjuststandingthere?”Mawhispers.“Come,wegobackin,otherwiselateryouwillcatchcold.”
Ican’thelpsnortingoutloud.Hereweare,withthesheriffandthedeadbody,andMa’sworriedaboutmecatchingacold?“Youguysdonefighting?”Isay,unabletokeepthebitternessoutofmyvoice.
Atleasttheyhavethedecencytolooksomewhatabashed.“Fornow,”FourthAuntsays.SheeyesthesheriffandgroomsmenandswitchestoIndonesian.“What’vetheyfiguredoutsofar?”
“Notmuch.ButIwanttostayhere,seewhatelsetheycomeupwith.”
“I’mgoingin.”FourthAuntpinchesmycheekandthenturnsaroundandwalksbacktowardtherooms,followedbymyotheraunties.OnlyMastayswithme.
Afewfeetaway,SheriffMcConnellisfastlosingpatience.“Getmetheothergroomsmen,”hebarksatthetwosecurityguards.TheyglanceatNathan,whonods.Astheyleave,SheriffMcConnellpacesaroundthealtar,hisweightmakingthewholestageshudder.Thunderrolls,andIcan’thelpbutjump.
“Wereallyshouldgoinside,itlookslikenastyweather,”Nathansays.“Wecouldquestiontherestofthegroomsmenintheirrooms.”
“Oh,Ibetyou’dlikethat,wouldn’tyou?”
Nathanlooksconfused.“Um,yeah,Iguess?Won’ttherain—Idon’tknow—dosomethingtothebody?Makeithardertogaugewhenitdiedorsomething?”
“Hey,I’mtheprofessionalhere,”thesheriffbarks.“Allyoumainlandersthinkyou’resosophisticatedwithallyourfancyequipmentandtechnologyandallthisnewfangledDNAshit.”
“What?”
“Well,I’vegotnewsforyou:I’mgoingtosolvethiswithoutallthatfancy-schmancytechyshit.I’mgoingtosolveitwithgoodolddetectivework.”SheriffMcConnelltapsthesideofhisheadwithanotheroneofhistrademarkcunninglooks.
“Um.Okay.Istillthinkweshouldgoinside—”
He’sinterruptedbythearrivaloftwomoregroomsmen.They’reinworseshapethantheprevioustwo—theseoneskeepgigglingandpointingatrandomthingsintheair.
“Ma,areyousureyouhaven’tlike,permanentlyaddledtheirminds?”Iwhisper.
“Aduh,ofcoursenot,lah.TraditionalChinesemedicineisverygoodforyourhealth.Verygood!”Still,Ican’thelpnoticinghowworriedMaactuallylooks.
SheriffMcConnellasksthemiftheyrecognizeAhGuan,andtheybothgiggleandshaketheirheads.“Hey,man,timetowakeup.You’relyingonthealtar,”oneofthemsays.
“Whichagencyareyoufrom?”SheriffMcConnellasksthem.
“BestDaysAgency,”onesays.
“PartyPeeps,”theotheroneslurs.
“Andpresumablyyouwouldknowwho’sfromwhichagency?”
Thetwogroomsmenstareathimblankly.“Iwhatnow?”oneofthemsays.
SheriffMcConnellpinchesthebridgeofhisnose.“WhatI’maskingis:Thisman,he’sdefinitelynotfromeitherofyouragencies?”
Oneofthegroomsmenshakeshisheadconfidently,whiletheothersays,“Iono.”
I’mexpectingSheriffMcConnelltobefrustratedbythis,butinstead,herubshishandswithsatisfactionandnods.“Youtwocango.Iknowwhodidit.”
Ican’thelpsqueezingMa’shand.Shesqueezesbackandpatsitreassuringly.“Oh,Tuhan,”shemutters.“It’sokay.It’sokay.”
It’snotokay.I’mabouttobearrested.Iwatch,rootedtothespot,everypartofmeleaden,asSheriffMcConnellwalksoffthealtarandontotheaisle.Comingstraighttowardme.
ExcepthestopsinfrontofNathanandsays,inathunderousvoicethatmatchestheweather,“NathanChan,youareunderarrestforthemurderofthisman.”Hepullsoutapairofhandcuffswithrelishand,smilingproudly,latchesthemaroundNathan’swrists.29
SheriffMcConnellbarelysparesMaandmeaglanceashebrushespast,hismeatyhandsonNathan’sshoulders.Nathaniswide-eyed,butashepassesme,hewhispers,“It’llbeokay.”
AndI’m—
I’m—
Furious.HowpatheticdoesNathanthinkIam,thathe’dneedtocomfortmewhileHE’Sliterallyinhandcuffs?Whatisitaboutmethatmakespeoplearoundmewanttotakecareofeveryproblem?DoIexudeincompetence?Helplessness?I’vehadjustaboutenoughofit.Iswingaround.IwanttoyellatNathan,totellhimtostopprotectingme,stoptreatingmelikeI’mthisbreakablething,becauseI’mnot.Iwanttolashoutatsomeone,atanyone,andunfortunately,theclosestpersontomerightthenisMa.Maandmyaunties.
They’rejuststandingthere,gapingasthesecurityguardsallfileaway,followingNathan.
“It’sgoingtobeokay,”BigAuntsaysinIndonesian,hervoicefullofuncertainty,andItakeit.Itakethischancetolashout.
“Itwon’tbeokay!”Icry.“Itwon’tbe,stopsayingitwill,becauseitwon’t!Ididn’twantanyofthistohappen.Ijustwantedto—Ijust—”Ijustwhat?WhatwouldIhavedonewithoutmyfamily?Iwould’vebeenstuckathomewithadeadbodyinmycarandnowayofexplainingit.Butmaybethatwouldhavebeenbetterthanthis.Anythingwould’vebeenbetterthanhavingNathangetarrestedforsomethingIdid.
“Meddy,youareupset,Iknow,butwearejusttakingcareofyou,”Masays.
Ishirkawayfromheroutstretchedhand,andthehurtthatslashesacrossherfaceenragesmeevenmore.“Idon’tneedyoutotakecareofme.I’mnotababyanymore,Ma.God,allofthisissuchaburden!”
TheystartleattheB-word.It’stheirworstnightmare,tobeaburdentotheirchildren.
“Meddy,howcanyousaythat?”BigAuntsaysinEnglish,herchestrising.“Wearefamily,weworktogether,wealwaysthereforeachother.”
“Yeah,andthat’sexactlytheproblem.We’realwaysthere.Idon’tknowwhatlifeislikewithoutanyofyouinit.IhadaglimpseofitwhenIwenttocollege,andthenafterthatImovedbackhomeandit’sbacktobeinginthefold.Idon’tknowwhoIamwithoutyouallbreathingdownmyneck.Idon’tevenknowifIwanttobeaweddingphotographer,butIcan’tdomyownthing,Ican’tjustabandonthefamilybusiness,becauseyoualwaystalkaboutsacrificeandhowmuchyou’veallsacrificedforme,andsothisisit,thecycleofsacrificethat’llgoonandonandon.”
TheylooklikeI’veslappedthem.“Youdon’twanttobeweddingphotographer?”Mawhispers.
“Ihateweddings!”Icry.
Theystaggerbackastep,theirfaceslitupwithhorror.
“Ido,Ihatethem—”
“That’snottrue.I’veseenthewayyoulookatweddingdresses,”FourthAuntsays.“It’slikeyou’vegothornyeyeson;it’squitehonestlydisturbing.”
Isigh.“You’reright,therearethingsIloveaboutweddings.Ilovethebrides;Iloveseeingthemlookingallbeautifulandhappyandwearingabigwhitedress.Buteverythingelse,everythingelseIhate.Ihatethatbridesandgroomsaredrivennutsbythisunrealisticexpectationthatthedayhastobeperfect.Ihatethatit’sturnedintoanindustrythatmakespeoplespendwaymorethantheyshould,andIhatethatwe’repartofthat!”
They’reallquietforawhile.“Soyousayingthatweareholdingyouback?”Masays,afterawhile.
Idon’tanswer.Ican’t.WhateverIsay,itwon’tbeenough.Itwon’tbeaccurate.It’snotano,andit’snotayes.And,intheend,Ihaveonlymyselftoblame.Mycousinsgrewupinthesameenvironmentandmanagedtoleave,tospreadtheirwings.I’mtheonlyonewhoremainsinthesameoldnest,andsurelythatprovesthattheblameliesonme.
Afteraneternity,Ishakemyhead.“Idon’tblameyou.”See,that’snottotallyaccurateeither.Iblameeveryone,includingmyself.
Mauttersasob,andimmediatelyallofmyaunties,includingFourthAunt,catchherbythearms.TheycoosoothingwordsinIndonesianather.
“It’sokay,she’sjustachild,shedoesn’tknowwhatshe’ssaying.”
“MyHendrausedtosaythingslikethattoo,it’sokay.”
“Thesekids,they’llonlyunderstandwhatwe’vegivenupaftertheyhavechildrenoftheirown.”
Thisiswhatalwayshappenswhenoneofmygenerationdarestotalkbacktoourparents.Theybandtogetherandreduceustokidshavingatantrum,dismissingourwordssowecan’tpiercetheirarmor.Partofmewantstokickcrazilyatthegroundandscreamuntiltheylisten,butofcoursethat’llonlyconfirmtheirbeliefthatI’mnothingmorethanasillychild.
Iclosemyeyesandtakeadeepbreathbeforespeaking.“I’msorry,Ma,Idon’tmeantohurtyou.Just—please.Don’ttrytohelpmehere.GobacktoyourroomsandI’llhandlethis.Iloveyouall,butit’stimeformetogrowupandcleanupmyownmess.”
Ma’seyesmeetmine,anddespitethehurtcreasingherface,Iseeunderstandingdawninhereyes.Butit’sunderneathablanketofsorrowandanger.Shedoesn’tsayaword,merelyshakesherheadindisappointmentandletsmyauntiesescortheraway.BigAuntglaresatme,SecondAuntisbusycooingoverMa,andevenFourthAuntdoesn’thaveanythingmeantosaytoMa,whichishowIknowforsurethatMa’sheartisbroken.
Still,Ihardenmyselfagainstgoingafterthem.BecauseI’vealwaysgoneafterthem,andthenIendupapologizingandassuringthemthatI’llbealessshittydaughter,andthat’showIfindmyselfattwenty-sixstilllivingathomeandspendingmyweekendsshootinghugeweddingsandpretendingIlovethewholeproduction.
No.Ihavemorepressingthingstoattendto.LikeNathan.Thethoughtofhimfiresmeupevenmore.Istridetowardthemainbuilding,climbingtheimpressivestonestepsuptothelobby.There,IcornerareceptionistandaskwhereNathan’sbeentaken.
“I’mnotatlibertytosay,ma’am,”hesayssmoothly,butIcatchaglimmerofhesitationinhim.Unbidden,animageofBigAuntcomestomind.BigAunt,whocarriesherselfwithherbackramrodstraightandherchinalwaysup.BigAunt,whoalwaysmanagestogetpeopletolistentoher.Whatwouldshesay?Iliftmychinandglareathimimperiously.“I’vebeenintouchwithLAPDandthey’vesaidthatthesheriffhasnojurisdictiontoarrestanyone.Iamnotgoingtostandasideandletthatidiotmakeamockeryofthejusticesystem,andneitherareyou.You’renotgoingtoobstructme.Nowleadmetowherehe’skeepingNathan.”ObviouslyIdon’tgiveatinyrat’sfartaboutthejusticesystem,butitseemedlikeagoodtermtothrowin.
Afteramoment’shesitation,thereceptionistsays,“Hetookhimupstairs.ToMr.Chan’soffice.Saidthestorm’sgettingtoobadforhimtodrivein.”
“Good.Takemethere.Now,”Iadd,whenthereceptionistopenshismouth.
“Rightaway,ma’am.”Hehurriesoutfrombehindhisdeskandnodsatmetofollowhim.Assoonashisbackisturned,Isagalittle.Ican’tbelieveitworked.IchanneledmyinnerBigAunt,andnowI’mbeingledtoNathan.Phew,Ishouldtrythatmoreoften.Thisfeelingishonestlyprettyaddictive.
Heleadsmethroughasidedoortoanemployeeelevator.Wegetinside,andheuseshiskeycardtogettothetopfloor.Itrytokeeplookingimperious,whichisalothardertodointhedeadsilenceoftheelevator.Ihavetostopmyselffromsighingwithobviousreliefwhenthedoorsfinallywhooshopen.
Thetopflooristakenupbynumerousoffices.I’veneverbeentothispartofanyhotelbefore,butIguessitmakessensethatlargeresortswouldhaveofficestooverseetherunningofthings.Thereceptionistleadsmepasthalfadozenofficesuntilhegetstotheend.There’sasecurityguardstandingoutside.Whenheseesusapproaching,heshiftshisstancesothathelookslikehe’sstandingtoattention.
“Hey,Dave,”thereceptionistsays.“Thisis—uh—”
“I’mMeddy,Nat—Mr.Chan’slawyer.”
Theguard’seyeswiden.“Thankgodyou’rehere,”hesaysinalowvoice.“Idon’teven—whywasIaskedtoguardhisoffice?Idon’tbelieveforasecondthatMr.Chandidit.”
Inodathim,takeadeepbreath,andstridethroughthedoor.
SheriffMcConnell’sseatedbehindNathan’sdesk,withNathanperchedonachairoppositehim.
“What’sthis?”SheriffMcConnellsays,eyeingmefromtoptobottomwithalanguorousleerthatmakesmewanttotakealong,hotshower.
“ThisisMr.Chan’sattorney,”theguardsays.
SheriffMcConnell’seyebrowsraise.Helooksmeoveragain,butthistime,thelookisseveraldegreeslesslecherousandshowsmoredisbelief,asinhowthehellcansomeonewholookslikemebeanattorney?I’mabouttobeaffrontedwhenIrealizethat,welp,I’mstillinmyall-blackphotographer’soutfitandI’maswetasadrownedrat.Myhairisdrippingwaterontomytowel.Ugh,Maandmyauntieswereright.Ineedtheirhelp.Ihavealwaysneededtheirhelp.Theyhaven’tbeenholdingmeback.I’vereachedmypotential.Thisisit,thisiswhereIpeak—asaweddingphotographerforthefamilybusiness,alwaysprotectedfromtheworldbymyfamily.
Butthere’saglimmerinNathan’sface.SomethingI’veseenbefore,somanyyearsago,whenheaskedmetogoeastwithhim.Justaflicker,butit’sthere,still.Fierce,nakedhope.
Mycheeksburn.Evenafterallthistime,evenaftereverything,hestillhashopeforus.AndI—
Ifeelit.Flutteringfromdeepinsidemychest,asthoughwakingupfromadeepslumber.Hope.I’vesquasheditdownforthelastfouryears,shovedallthoughtsofbeingindependenttotheside,toldmyselfI’mbeingstupid,orselfish,orunrealistic.Unrealistic—that’salwaysbeenmymantra,passeddownfromMaandmyaunties.“Don’tbeunrealistic,”they’dsay.Theyhadtobepragmaticalltheirlives;therewasnoroomfordreamsoridealism.JustlookatFourthAunt,Mawouldsay.ShechasedherdreamsallthewayfromIndonesiatoLosAngeles,andlookwhereitgother.Thisiswhathappenswhenyou’reunrealistic,whenyouletthedreamtakeover.
Buteverythingthat’shappenedthepastfewdayshasbeenunreal.Ifevertherewasatimetousetheword,it’snow.Mapretendingtobemeonline,that’sprettyfuckingunreal.Meaccidentallykillingmydate.Imean,howmuchmoreunrealcanitget?Andallthedominopiecesfallingoveronebyone—thebodygettingshippedhere,thebodyendinguponthealtar—noneofithasbeenanywherenearrealistic.WhyamIstilltryingtoplaybyrealisticrules?
Mybackstraightens,mynecklengthens,andIstaredownatSheriffMcConnellandseehimforwhathetrulyis:afishoutofwater,completelyatalossastowhattodo.Nothinglikethishaseverhappenedonthisisland,andhe’stornbetweenthesuddenrushofpowerandawholeoceanoffear.Ipounceonthatfear.
“MynameisMeddelinChan,andI’manattorney.Whathaveyouchargedmyclientwith?”Myvoicecomesoutlikeanironfist,thuddingontothedesk.
There’sabeatofsilence,andthenSheriffMcConnellscramblesforward,placinghiselbowsonthedeskbeforesecond-guessinghimselfandsittingbackandfoldinghishandsonhislap.“Ahem,yes,hisattorney,eh?Yougotherefast.”Hepauses.“Hangon,I’mprettysureI’veseenyouaround…”
“Yeah,I’vebeenhereawhile,takingcareofsomepapers.”
Nathangivesasmallshakeofthehead,butIdon’tneedhimtoguideme.Iwon’thavethisjokeofacopderailme.Ileanforward,placemyhandsonthedesk,andsaythewordseversoslowly
“What.Have.You.Charged.Myclient.With?”Nevermindthudding,myheartiskicking.Iswearit’sgrownlegsandissprinting,crashingoverandoverintomyribcage.Anymomentnow,it’sgoingtokickitswayrightoutofmychest,Alien-style.Butsomehow,myfaceremainsstraight,mygazeunwavering,lockedonSheriffMcConnell.
Heshiftshisweightagain,andunfoldsandrefoldshishands.“Right,yes.Well.There’sbeenamurder.”
“Whathaveyouchargedmyclientwith?”
Hisgazeflitsawaylikeaspookedbutterflybeforecomingbacktorestonmyface.“Well,thatistosay,er—”
“Ifyouhaven’tchargedhimwithanything,thenyoucan’tkeephimlockedup.I’mtakinghimoutofhere.”
“Well,thenIchargehimwithmurder!”
Shit,shit,shit.Somehow,Istarehimdown,eventhougheverythinginsidemeisscreamingNoooo,you’vedoneitnow,you’vegoneandmadeeverythingworse!“Forthemurderofwhom?”
Thesheriffgivesalittleshakeofhishead,remindingmeofahorse.“Ofthebody.Downthere,atthealtar.”
“Soyouhaven’tidentifiedthebody?”
“Well,no,ofcoursenot,that’llcomelater—”
“Whatwasthecauseofdeath?”
“Idon’t—”
“Timeofdeath?”
“Well,Imeantosay—”
“Foundaweapononmyclient,didyou?”
“Notyet—”
“Soyoudon’thaveacauseortimeofdeath,butyou’vearrestedmyclient.Onwhatgrounds?”Seriously,whoamIrightnow?It’sasthoughBigAunthastakenovermyconsciousnessandisjustbulldozingovereverything,andholysmokes,it’sactuallyworking.SheriffMcConnellissweatingasifhe’sjustrunamarathoninthedeadofsummer.Iactuallyfeelkindofsorryforhim.“Sheriff,Ithinkwebothknowyou’reinoveryourhead.Haveyouevenorderedthebodytobebroughtinoutoftherain?”
Hestaresatmebalefully.“Protocolstatesthat…”Hisvoicetrailsoff.It’sobvioushehasnoideawhatprotocolstateswhenthere’samysteriousbodyandarainstorm.Ontheonehand,heshouldleavecrimescenesasundisturbedashecan.Ontheotherhand,therainstormmightdestroyalotofevidence.
It’sgoodthathedoesn’tknowwhattheprotocolis,becauseIsureashellhavenofreakingclue.HopefullyprotocoliswhateverSheriffMcConnellhasn’tdone.“Protocolstatesthatyoushouldpreserveasmuchofthecrimesceneaspossible,whichinthiscasemeansaskingthehotelemployeestoerectsomesortofcovering,maybe?Totryandkeepasmuchoftherainwaterawayfromthecrimescene?”Isayitasifit’sobvious,asifIhaven’tjustpulleditoutofmyass,andthelookonNathan’sfacealmostmakesmeburstoutinhystericallaughter.Nathanislookingatmelike—Idon’tevenknowhowtodescribeit—likehe’sseeingthemostamazingsunriseever,hishandsomefacelightingupwithawe.
“Well,Iwasjustabouttodothatwhenyoubargedin,”SheriffMcConnellmutters.
Ilookpointedlyattheglassofwhiskeyinfrontofhim.“Really?Itlookstomelikeyou’remakingyourselfcomfortableinmyclient’soffice.”
Helooksdownattheglassandflushes,hisfaceturningbeet-shade.“Thiswashis.”
“Mhmm.Well,it’sobvioustomethatyouhavefailedtofollowanysortofprotocol,soIdon’tthinkyoucanlegallychargemyclientwithanythingwithoutfurtherevidence.”Whatarethesewordscomingoutofmymouth?I’mprettysurethatanylegitcopwould’vecalledmybluffalongtimeago,butSheriffMcConnelliscaughtcompletelyoff-guard.Hiseyesareperfectcircles,hismouthmoving,butnowordsarecomingout.“Sople—so,uncuffmyclient.Now,”Iadd,whenIfeeltheneedtosay“please,”andtomydisbelief,SheriffMcConnellactuallystandsup.Itense,halfexpectinghimto—Idon’tknow—pounceonmeandcatchmebythescruffofmyneckandarrestme.
Hewalksovertotheothersideofthetable,hisstepsechoinginthelargeoffice.HeapproachesNathan,whoIcantellistryinghisbestnottolaugh.Hetakesoutakeychain,grabsNathan’shands,and—
Ohmygod.Ididit.
SheriffMcConnelllowersNathan’shands.They’restillcuffed.
Shit.Ihaven’tdoneit.He’sontome.Ishe?What’sgoingon?
SheriffMcConnellpuffsouthisbarrelchest.“Idon’tcarewhatfancylawfirmyou’refrom,butthishere’smyterritory.AndIsmellsomethingbad.Idon’tknowwhatitisyourclienthere’sdone,butIknowhe’sdonesomething,andI’mgoingtofindoutwhatitis.”
“Youcan’tjustkeephimherebecauseyouthinkhe’sdonesomething.That’snothowthelawworks.Youneedtoactuallyhavefoundevidenceandthenchargehim,”Isnap.Atleast,that’swhatitseemslikeonCSI
“Ifyou’vegotaproblemwithhowIhandlethings,youcantakeitupwiththemainlandpolice.”Helooksaroundtheroomdramatically,handscuppedbehindhisears.“Oh,huh,Idon’thearthewailofsirens,doyou?That’sbecausethosepansyfancy-pantscopsdon’tdaretocomehereinthestorm,soitlookslikeI’mincharge.AndIsayhestayshere.”
“Whentheyarrive,youaregoingtoloseyourlicense.”Orwhateverthehellitisthatcopshave.
SheriffMcConnellshrugs,hismeatyfacesquishingintoaslysmile.“Yeah,they’vebeensayingthatforyears,andyethereIam.”
Thegroundiscrumblingunderneathmyfeet.IgraspforanythingIcanthinkof.“Ineedtospeakwithmyclient.Alone.Hestillhasthatright.”
“Hedoesindeed.Fiveminutes.”Withthat,SheriffMcConnellsauntersout,handsinpockets.He’spracticallywhistlingwithjoy.
Assoonasthedoorclicksshutbehindhim,Isinkontothesofaandputmyheadinmyhands.Iwassoclose.IthoughtIhadit.
“Youdidgreat,Meddy.”
Iremainwithmyfaceburiedinmyhands.Ican’tstandtolookatthedisappointmentthatmustbeonNathan’sface
“Meddy.”Nathankneelsinfrontofme,gentlypullingmyhandsawayfrommyface.“Hey,”hesays,softly.“Thereyouare.”Thereissomuchinhisexpression.Allofit,ourhistory,everyfight,everykiss,everylaugh,writtenplainasdayacrosshisflawlessface.
“I’msosorry.”Thewordscomeoutbrokenbysobs.“Imadeamess.”
“No,youhelped.Hewouldn’thaveletusspeakinprivateifyouhadn’tdoneallthat—Imean,thatwasamazing,allthosethingsyousaidtohim,”helaughs.“Youwereonfire.”
“Youdon’tunderstand,”Imoan.“I—Ididit.”It’stime.Thetruth,allofit.I’msotiredofkeepingthingsfromhim.Icouldlietotheentireworld,butnottohim.NotNathan.“Thatdeadbody.Ikilledhim.”
Thereitis,thetruth,fallingoutofmymouthlikeasnake,twistingintheairbetweenus.Idon’ttakemyeyesfromNathan’sfacebecauseIwanttomemorizethewayhe’sbeenlookingatme.He’snevergoingtolookatmethesamewayagain,notwiththishorriblethingI’vejustdroppedinhislap.Ibracemyselfforthehorrorthat’llnodoubttakeoverhisfaceassoonasmywordssinkin.
Butitdoesn’tcome.Nathanjustsighs.Andthenhesaystwowordsthatleavemespeechless.
“Iknow.”30
“What?”Icry.“Wait.What??”
“Shh.”Nathanputsafingertohislips,glancingatthedoor.
Istruggletolowermyvoice.“Sorry.Butwhatthefuck,Nathan?”
Hesighs.“Iknow.Ifigureditout.”
“When?Wha—how?What?”
“Meddy,youandyourfamilyhavebeenactingshadyasshitthewholeday.Andyouguyswereluggingaroundthatridiculouscoolereverywhere—Ididn’tknowwhattomakeofit.Ithoughtmaybesomethinghadgonewrongwiththeweddingcakeandyouguysweretryingtohideitorsomething?ButthenIwenttothekitchentocheck,andtheweddingcakewasfine,sothenIthoughtmaybeitwassomethingelsewiththefood.Thenwhenthebodyappearedonthealtar…itdoesn’texactlytakearocketscientisttoputtwoandtwotogether.”
Igapeathim.Mylipsformwords.Nothingcomesout.Mymouthjustflapsidiotically,nonsensically.Stillnowords.
“Canyoutellmewhyyoudidit,atleast?”
Somehow,Imanagetogetmyvoiceworkingagain.“Um,itwasinself-defense,andIdidn’tmeanto—ithappenedsofast.”
Angerripplesacrosshisface.“Self-defense?Didhehurtyou?”
Ishakemyheadquickly.“Hewasaboutto,butI,uh.It’salongstory.”
Nathanreleaseshisbreath.“Well,I’mgladhedidn’thurtyou.”Hesqueezesmyhands.“It’sokay,I’mnotgoingtotellanyone.”
“But—why?”Iburstout.“Whywouldn’tyou?You’vebeenchargedwithmurder.Youshouldbetellingeveryoneitwasn’tyou,itwasme.”
“I’dbesurprisedifthesheriffcanmakeitstick.There’snoevidencethatIhadanythingtodowiththebody.”
“Youdon’tknowwhathemightdo,howhe’dpaintit.Hestrikesmeasthetypeofguywhocolorsoutsidethelines.Idon’tknowthathe’dcareifhegotthewrongperson,aslongashegotsomeone.”Nathanwinces,andIrealizeI’mgrippinghishandssotightthatmyfingernailshaveduglittlecrescentsintohispalm.“I’msorry.”Ireleasehishands,buthecatchesthemagainandbringsthemtohislips.
“I’vefailedyouonce,Meddy,”hesays,hiseyesneverleavingmine.“Ididn’tfightforyou,andI’veregrettediteversince.Idon’twanttoloseyouagain.”
Mycheeksflush.Hell,myentirebodyflushes.Ileanforwardandcatchhismouthwithmine,ourlipsmoldingtofitperfectly,twopiecesofthesamepuzzle.Ourbreathsmingle,andIswearIcanfeelhisheartbeatrightnexttomine.ThisiswhyIhaven’thadaseriousrelationshipsincecollege.Nooneelsecancomparetothis,noonecanholdmyheartinhishandsthewayNathandoes.
“Ican’tletyougodownforthis,”Iwhisper.Herunsathumbacrossmylowerlip,tracingasearinglinetomychin,andadeliciousshiverrunsthroughme.
“Iwon’t.Really.”
Summoningthelastofmystrength,Ipullaway.“But—”Mythoughtsareamess.Mybreathiscomingoutinshallowgasps.Istruggletothinkstraight.“It’llbesuchbadpublicity.Ifthere’sevenashredofsuspiciononyou,theresort—”
Ashadowcrosseshisface,andIknow,then,thatI’vehitthetruthofthematter.SheriffMcConnellislikelynotgoingtomakethemurderchargestick,notwithsolittleevidence.Buttheaccusationwillbeenoughtoscaretheinvestors.Andthenwhatwillhappen?Inmymind’seye,Iseearoomfulofpeopleinsharpsuitssittingaroundalargeconferencetable.SomeoneasksforavotetoremoveNathanChanastheCEOofAyanaLucia.Andonebyone,theyallraisetheirhands.Theycan’thavesomeonesonotoriousbethefaceoftheircompany.Andthat’llbethat.Nathan’sdreamswouldbeover.Thisgorgeousresorthe’splanned,designed,andbuilt—he’llloseit.They’llprobablygivehimatidyseverancepackage,buthe’llneveragainbeabletofindinvestorsforanotherventure,notwiththisrumorhangingoverhisshoulder,castingitslongshadow.
“Oh,Nathan.”Ican’tstandlookingatthesadnesshe’stryingsohardtohidefromme.Iknowwhatitlookslikewhenhe’stryingtohidesomethingsoIwon’tworry.
“It’llbefine,”hesays,hisvoicegruff.
Butitwon’t.
Asthoughreadingmymind,NathanpullsmerightupagainsthimsoIfeeltheintoxicatingheatofhisbody.“Pleaseletmedothisforyou,”hesaysinalowvoicethatmakesmylegswobble.
“But—”
“Ifyoucomeforwardandadmityoudidit,I’lldothesame.I’llinsistthatIdidit,andthenI’lldefinitely,100percentloseallofthis.”He’sabsolutelyserious.He’dreallychoosetoloseeverythingtostopmefromturningmyselfin.
“Nathan.”Hisnamecomesoutinachokedsob,andIkisshimagain.Ineverwanttofeelhislipsleavingmine.
Achairoutsidecreaksloudlyandwebreakapart,rightbeforeSheriffMcConnellopensthedoor.Henarrowshiseyesatus.Whatasightwemustmake—bothofusoutofbreath,myhairallrumpled,ourcheeksflushed,sittingawayfromeachotherinthemostawkwardposition.Wemustlooklikeguilty,hornyteenagers.SheriffMcConnellfrowns.SurelyhemustrealizeI’mnolawyer—
“God,Ihatelawyers,”herumbles.
Huh.Maybehehasn’tputtwoandtwotogether.“Yeah,youandeveryoneelse,”Isay,standingupandbrushingmyselfoffascalmlyasIcan.“I’mjustaboutdonehere.Thankyou,Sheriff.I’llbe…”IglancebackatNathan,whoraiseshiseyebrows.“I’llbebackafterconsultingwithmyfirm.”
“Takeyourtime,”SheriffMcConnellsays,loweringhimselfontoNathan’splushleatherchairwithobviousrelish.Heleansback,putshisfeetuponthemahoganytable,andrestshishandsonhisstomach.
ItrytosendsilentmessagestoNathanasIwalkout.I’llbeback.Iwon’tleaveyouherelikethis.I’llsetyoufree.I’llclearyourname.Idon’tknowifhegotanyofthat.
AssoonasI’mintheprivacyoftheelevator,Isagagainstthewallandburymyfaceinmyhands.Whatamess.WhatamItodo?IshouldjustgatheralltheevidenceIhaveagainstmethat’llclearNathanandpresentthemtothesheriff.I’llturnmyselfin.I—
Butthat’llimplicateMaandmyaunties.Intheeyesofthelaw,myfamilyisvery,veryguilty.Andtoaddtothetoweringpileofcalamities,AhGuanwasn’tdeadwhenwestuffedhiminthecooler.Hediedsuffocatinginsideit.WhichmeansIwasn’ttheonlyonewhokilledhim.Myentirefamilydid.
MaybeIcanspinitsothatI’mtheonlyguiltyone.MaybeIcanmakeitoutsothatItrickedmywholefamily,stoleintoBigAunt’skitchen,andstowedthebodyinhercoolerwithoutanyone’sknowledge.Yeah,thatcouldwork.Excitementanddreadstirinsideme.Imightbeabletomakethiswork.I’dgotoprisonforaverylongtime.Butit’snolessthanwhatIdeserve.Attheveryleast,thiswill,forthefirsttimeinmylife,beadecisionI’mmakingallonmyown.NotadecisionI’mmakingbecauseI’mcavingtoMa’swishesortofamilialdutyoranything.IguessIcanatleastfeelgoodaboutthat.
Atthelobby,they’veshutthegiantwoodenwindowstoprotecttheplacefromthestorm.Itcompletelytransformstheplace,turningitfromatropicalparadiseintoashutteredcastlewithfiercewindsandrainragingagainstit.Themoodissomber.Idon’tknowhowmuchthestaffknowaboutNathan’sarrest,butit’sobviousthatthey’reallawarethatsomethingiswrong.ThoughtheysmilepolitelyatmeasIwalkby,theirexpressionsarestrainedandtightwithfear.Iwalkquicklydownthehallwaythatleadstotherooms.First,I’llgobacktomyroomandchangeoutofthesewetclothes.ThenI’llaskMatocomewithmetoBigAunt’s,whereI’lltelleverybodymyplantoshoulderalloftheblame.Itakeabigbreath.Itisn’tgoingtobeeasyconvincingthem.Mawillforsure100percentcry.BigAuntwillgetmadandinsistthatIlistentomyeldersandletthemhandletheproblem.SecondAuntwillprobablylaunchintosomeweirdTaiChipose,andFourthAuntwillflapherfeatherynailsandtellmetostopbeingsomelodramatic.ButI’mresolute.Noonecanstopmefromdoingtherightthing.
Atmyroom,ItakeoutNathan’smasterkeycardandwaveitagainstthedoorlock.Itunlockswithasnick,andIpushthedooropen,saying,“Ma,canIhavesometea—”
TherestofwhatI’mabouttosaydiesinmymouth.Istandthere,frozen,asthedoorswingsshutbehindmewithafinalclick.Allofmyplans,allofthecourageI’vebuiltupinthepastfewminutes,everythingleaksoutofme,leavingmeempty.
BecausesittingonthebedareMaandallofmyaunts,theirhandstiedtogether,andstandingbehindthemwithagunpointedattheirheadsisMaureen.
“Ah,Meddy,”shesays,andswingsherarmsupsothegunisnowpointingstraightinmyface.“Nowwecanproperlybegin.”
Iguesssomeonecanstopmefromdoingtherightthingafterall.31
YouseegunsbeingpointedatpeopleallthetimeonTV.It’sbecomesocommonplacethatIdon’tblinkwheneverithappensonthescreen.Butinreallife,ohman,inreallifeit’svery,verydifferent.Withthebarrelofthegunstaringdownatmelikea—well,there’snocomparison,it’safuckinggunaimedstraightatmyface,howmuchmoreterrifyingcanitget?Mylegsturntowater,andasItakemyfirststep,mykneeswobbleandIstumbleforward.
Theroomexplodesinaburstof“Don’tshoot!”“Aiya,no!”“Noshoot!”
“Shh.Jesus,stopfreakingout,please,”Maureensaystomyauntiesandmom.
“Sorry!”Icry,asIstraightenup.“Ijust—I’msoscared.Icanbarelywalk.”Cometothinkofit,Icanbarelybreathe.
Maureenrollshereyes.“I’mnotgoingtoshoot.Justgositinthatchairoverthere.God.Youguys.Calmdown.”Shelooksathergun,asthoughrememberingit’sthere.“Right.Okay,look,I’llpointthiselsewherefornow.”Shelowersherarmssothegun’spointedatmylegs.Iguessthat’saliiittletinybitbetter.
Ipracticallycrawltothechairandsinkintoitgratefully.Myentirebodyisbasicallyapuddle.Nowweknow,whenitcomestofightorflight,Iamneither.Iam:freezelikeahamsterandthenmeltintoauselessshiverypuddle.
“Sayang,youareokayornot?”Macallsout.
ImanageasmallnodandwatchhelplesslyasMaureenstandsandwalkstowardme.Whenshe’safewstepsaway,shesays,“Don’teventhinkofjumpingme.”It’salaughablethought;mylimbsarelead.Somehow,Imanagetoshakemyhead.Nowshe’srightinfrontofme,andmyheartbeatisnolongerabeat.It’sgoingtoofast.It’sbasicallyabuzz.Maureenswingsthegunback,andmyeyessqueezeshutinstinctively.Myfamilymembersdrawasharpintakeofbreath,andMacries,“Pleaseno!”Ohgod,hereitcomes.
Butnothingcomes.
Icrackopenoneeye.Maureensighs.“Dammit,I’vebeendaydreamingofthismomentforhours.Iwasgoingtopistol-whiptheshitoutofyou.”
Icringe.Again,it’ssomethingyouseeonTV,butnowthatI’mactuallylivingit,theideaofbeinghitbyagunissickening.
“ButIdon’thaveitinmetodothat.”Maureensighsagain.
AsighofreliefisjusthalfwayoutofmymouthwhenMaureensuddenlydartscloseandputsherfacerightupinfrontofmine,likeastrikingsnake.Maandtheauntiescryoutagain.Ijumpbackandsmackthebackofmyheadagainstthevanitymirror.
“Aiya!Don’tscareher!”oneoftheauntiessnaps.
“Oh,shit!I’msorry,Ididn’tthinkyou’djumplikethat,”Maureensays.“Areyouokay?”
Dizzy,Isitbackdown.IthinkInod.
“Iwon’tdothatagain.Thatwaskindofanassholemoveonmypart.Ijustwantedtoscareyouabit;Ididn’tthinkyou’dreactlikethat.Geez,girl.”
“Youaresonaughtyah!”Mascolds.“Youdon’tscareherlikethatagain!”
Tomysurprise,Maureenlookscontrite.“Sorry,Auntie.Iwon’tdothatagain.”Shestraightensupandbrushesherhairback.“Okay,let’sgetonethingstraight:Ineedyoutodosomethingforme.”
Imanagetocroakoutasingle:“What?”
“Theteaceremonygifts,dummy.Whatelsedidyouthink?”
Imusthavelookedconfused,becauseMaureenrollshereyesagainandsays,“Getthem.Forme.”
“Oh,right.How?”
Maureenthrowsherhandsup.“Idon’tknow,figureitout!Trickthem,tellthemyouwanttotakephotosofthegifts.Holdthebrideatgunpoint—no,notthebride.Holdthegroomatgunpoint.”
“Idon’thaveagun.”
“Here.”Shefishesinherbackpocketandthrowssomethingatme.Agun.ThethoughtHolyshit,it’sagunbeingthrownatmebarelyhastimetoflashthroughmymindbeforeithitsmesmackinthechest.
Idon’tevenregisterthepain.I’mscramblingto—something—Idon’tknow,I’mhalf-convincedthething’sgoingtogooffandkillsomebody,whenitthudstothefloor.Isqueak.Myfamilycriesoutagain.Maureenshakesherheadatme.“Dude,yourreflexes,seriously.”
IpounceonthegunandgrapplewithituntilI’mpointingitatMaureen.
Maureenfrowns.“Okay,I’mnotaTVvillain,soI’mnotgonnadrawthisout.Thatgun’snotloaded.”
Iswallow.Lookdownatthegun.I’venevertouchedonebefore.Idon’tevenknowhowtochecktoseeifit’sloaded.
“Youpressthethingy,”Maureensays.“Thatbutton,yeah.”
The…ammothingyslidesout,andsureenough,it’sempty.Ipushitbackintoplaceandputthegundownonthedresser.“Idon’t—Ican’tpointagunatsomeone.Notevenanunloadedone.”EvenasIspeak,IrealizeI’mabsentmindedlywipingmyhandsonmypants.
“Imean…yougetusedtoit,”Maureencajoles.Shewavesherowngunandpointsitatmeagain.“See?”Iwinceandmovemyheadsoit’snotdirectlyinthelineoffire.Maureenlowershergunagain.“Okay,yes,itfeelsprettyshitty,butneedsmust,youknow?”
“Idon’tknow!”Icry.“Youdon’tneedtodothis.Whyareyoudoinganyofit?”
“Becauseitallsucks!”shecries.“Idon’twanttodoanyofit.It’sallgonewrong,thegiftsweren’tevensupposedto—theyweresupposedtobereturnedtoJackieonceitalldieddown.Ijustwantedto—Idon’tknow,Iwantedto—”Hervoicewobbles,andshepausestoblinkawayhertears.“Anyway,itdoesn’tmatternow,becauseit’sallgonewrongandit’sallbecauseofyou.”
“Whyme?”ButevenasIsayit,itallcomesrushingback.Ofcourse.ItISbecauseofme.BecauseIkilledherpartnerincrime.
“BecauseyoukilledAhGuan.Hewassupposedtohelpmewithallofthis,hidethegiftsandthenputthembackandeverything,andyoukilledhimand—god,Meddelin.Imaybeathief,butyouandyourfamarekillers,”shesaysinthissuper-judgytoneofvoice.
“Whatmakesyouthinkwekilledhim?”Isayinmymostinnocentvoice.
“IheardyouguystalkingaboutitroundthesideofthehotelasIwascomingback.Sorry,Aunties,butyou’reallveryloud,andIspeakIndoverywell.AndChinese.Youguysknowhowitis.”
“Wah,shespeaksIndonesianandChineseverywell,”Masayswistfully.“Yourparentsmustbesoproud.”Shegivesmeapointedlook.
IignoreMa.“Weren’tyoubeingescortedofftheisland?”
Maureenshrugs.“Ihaveablackbeltinkarate.”Atmylookofhorror,shesighsandsays,“Ididn’tdoanything,gosh!Ijustknockedtheguyoutalittleandtookhisgun.That’sstillnotasbadasyouguyskillingAhGuan.”
“Wedidn’t—Ididn’tmeanto!Hewasgoingtoattackme.Ipanicked,andthenwhenIwokeup,Ithoughthewasdead.Please,letmyfamilygo.Theywerejusttryingtohelpme;wedidn’tknowhewasstillalivewhenweputhiminthecooler,”Icry.
Maureendigsaphoneoutofherpocketandtapsonthescreen.“Ha,gotyourconfessionontape.Okay,here’swhat’sgoingtohappen:I’vesetthisvoicerecordingtobeblastedonallofmysocialmediainanhour’stime.Ifyoudon’tgetmetheteaceremonygifts,everyonewillknowwhatyouandyourfamdid.Ifyougetmearrestedorwhatever,therecordingwillbeblastedonsocialmedia.GetmetheteaceremonygiftsandI’lldeletetherecordingandwecangoourseparateways.”
“Wah,thisgirlverysmart,”SecondAuntmuses,noddinggrudgingly.
“Iya,pinterya,”BigAuntsays.“Meddy,shouldlearntobemorelikeher.Verysmart.Mustdogoodbusiness.”
Nowit’smyturntothrowupmyhands.“Seriously?She’sliterallyblackmailingusatgunpoint!”
BigAunttuts.“Aduh,ofcoursewenomeanyoushouldpointgunatpeople.Butjustsaying,thisMaureenvery—what’stheword—sobusiness-mind—”
“Evil?Crazy?”Icry.
“Hey,”Maureensnaps.
Igesturewildlyather.“You’repointingagunatmeandaskingmetorobyourbestfriend.Howmuchmoreevilcanyouget?”
“Sheseeopportunity,shetakeit,”SecondAuntsays.“Youshouldbemorelikethat.”BigAuntnods,andthetwoofthemlookateachotherforamoment,asthoughsurprisedtofindthatthey’reagreeingwitheachotherforonce.
“Butdon’tpointgunatpeople,veryrude,”Masays.
“Oh,well,I’mgladwehavethisdistinction,atleast.”FFS.Myfamily,Itellyou.Theyjustknowhowtopushallofmybuttons.I’mnevergoodenoughforthem,notevencomparedtoagun-totinghomicidalrobber.
ThenIrealizethattheragethey’vestirredupinsidemehasgivenmenewfoundstrength.I’msofiredup.Ineedtofindawaytoprovethemwrong,toshowthemthatI’mnotthisuselessballoftearstheyseemtothinkIam.
“Ifyouguyslikehersomuch,thenmaybesheshouldbeyourstinkin’photographer.”EvenasIsayit,Iknowhowpettyandchildishitsounds.
“Aiya,Meddy,don’tbelikethat,”Masays.“Weonlygiveyouadviceforyourowngood,mustlearntobesmartlikeMaureen.Yousee,Maureenwanttotaketeaceremonygift,soshegottothinkofeverypossibility.”
Maureensimpers.“Itdidtakemeawhiletofigureitallout.”
“Youbegood,youfigureouthowtotaketeaceremonygiftandsaveallofus,okay,”Masays.
“Yep,we’reallcountingonyou,”FourthAuntsays.
Ishakemyheadindisbelief.“Ican’tevenwithyouguysrightnow.”Igrabtheunloadedgunfromthedresserandstuffitintomybackpocket.
“Okay,that’swaytooobvious.It’sbulgingoutofyourpocket,”FourthAuntcallsout.
“They’realotbulkierthantheylook,aren’tthey?”Maureensays,sympathetically.
“Idon’tneedhelpfromyou,”IspitoutasMaureenreachesout.
“Okay,sheesh.”
“Meddy,don’tbesorude,”Masays.“Maureenjusttryingtohelp.”
Ittakesallofmywillnottoscreamatallofthem.Igrabmycamerabagandtakeouttwoofmylenses,placingthemwithutmostcareonthedresser.“Don’ttouchthese.”
“Yes,notouch,theyareveryexpensive.Youbreak,youpay,”Masays.
“Iwon’t,”Maureensays,holdingupherhands.
Istuffthegunintothebagandglareatthem.“Right.SoallIhavetodoisholdpeopleatgunpointbeforerobbingthem.”
“Youcan,Ibelieveinyou,”Masays.
“Jiayou!”SecondAuntgivesmethetraditionalChinesecheer.
“They’resosupportive.Iwishmyfamilyweremoresupportive,”Maureensighs.
“Youcanhavemine,”Isnap,andleavetheroombeforeIsaysomethingI’llnodoubtregret.32
Comparedtohowitwasearlierintheday,thebridalsuiteispracticallydeserted.Jacqueline’sparentsareinthelivingroom,talkingquietly.TheyglanceupatmewithlinedfaceswhenIcomein.Thesightoftheirexhaustionmightaswellbeaknifeinmychest.IwishIcouldhugthemandbegfortheirforgiveness.
“Hi,Tante,Om.IsJacquelinehere?”Isay,hatingeveryword,hatingthefactthatI’mintrudingatsuchasensitivetime.Ihalf-wishthey’dthrowmeoutrightnow.Instead,TanteYohananodsandsmiles.
“Ah,Meddy.Maybeshe’lltalktoyou.She’sinthebedroom.”
Swallowing,Iheadthere.Iswearmychestmustbevisiblymoving,myheart’skickingsowildly.Ireachtheimpressivedoubledoorsandknocklightly.Whenthere’snoanswer,Igritmyteethandpushitopenjustacrack.“Um,Jacqueline?It’sme,Meddy.CanIcomein?”
There’sasob.Ican’ttellifthat’sayesorano,soIpushopenthedoorandwalkinside,closingitbehindme.Jacquelineisburiedunderaboutsixteenlayersoffrothytulle,andIhavetopeelawaylayerafterlayerforwhatfeelslikeanentireminuteuntilIunearthher.
“Go’way,”shesobs,battingawaymyhandfeebly.
“Hey,”Isay,softly.
Sheglancesupanduttersanothersob.“Oh,it’syou.Isitjustyou?Idon’twannatalktoanyonerightnow,especiallynotpeoplewhoIthoughtwereclosetome!”Thelastfewwordscomeoutinadramatichalf-shout,andsheburiesherfaceinthepillowsoncemoreandwailsintothem.
“It’sjustme.”Notknowingwhatelsetodo,Iperchcarefullyonthesideofthebed.Iglancetothecornerwherethesafeisandquicklylookaway.HowawfulofapersonamI,tobethinkingofstealingfromthismiserablepersonwho’sbeenbetrayedbypracticallyeveryoneonherweddingday?IguessI’mprettyfreakingawful,becausemygazekeepscreepingbacktothesafe,andIhavetoconsciouslydragitbacktoJacqueline.OrmaybeIshouldtrytogetintoitnow,whileshe’snotlooking?ButIdon’tknowthesafecombination
“Youknowwhattheworstpartoftodayis?”Jacquelinecries,suddenlysittingup.
“Um.”Isiftthroughmymind.Therearesomanycontenders.Thecorpseshowingupatthealtar?Theteaceremonygiftsgoingmissing?Herfiancéhiringrandomactorstoactashisgroomsmen?
“Wheneversomethinggoodorbadhappens,thefirstpersonIturntoisMaureen.AndnowIcan’t,becauseevensheturnedouttobeadirtytraitor!”Shedevolvesintosobsagain.“Whatisitaboutme?AmIsohorriblethatpeopleclosetomecan’thelpbutlietome?Myownfiancécan’teventrustmeenoughtotellmethathedoesn’thaveenoughfriendstohaveasgroomsmen.Howmessedupisthat?”shecries,staringatmewithherwetface.
What’stherightthingtosayhere?Imean,itisSOmessedup,butthenagain,Idon’tthinkthat’swhatshewantstohear.“Um.It’snotgreat,butit’salsonottheworstthingaguycoulddo.”ExceptTomhasdoneworse,asidefrombeingnamedTomCruise.Healsohappenstobeaworld-classdouche.Ishouldn’tbedefendinghim.“Okay,yeah,it’sprettyshitty.Look,youwanttoknowthetruth?Tom’skindofashit.”
Jacqueline’smouthdropsopen,andthosehugeeyesstareatme.Ohmygod.Ican’tbelievethatjustslippedoutofme.
“Sorry,Ididn’tmeanthat.Ignoreme,I’mnotreallythinkingstraight,Ihitmyheadbackthere,when—uh.Yeah.”Ohmygod,Ialmostsaid“Ihitmyheadbackthere,whenMaureenscaredthecrapoutofmewithhergun.”Keepittogether,self.
Tomysurprise,somethinglikealaughsqueaksoutofJacqueline’smouthbeforeshecoversit.“Ican’tbelieveyoujustsaidthat.”
“I’msorry,really,Iam—”
“No,don’tbesorry.Aftertoday,Ithinkyou’reright,”shesaysinawhisper,andthenshedoesahorrifiedsortoflaugh.“Ican’tbelieveIjustsaidthatabouttheguyI’mabouttomarry.”
“Areyou?Stillmarryinghim,Imean.”IknowwhatIhopeheransweris.Ihaven’tknownthesepeopleverylongatall,buttalkaboutbeautyandthebeast.It’snoteventhatTom’sparticularlyunattractive;he’sjustsoughineverypossibleway.
“Yeah,ofcourse—”shefaltersandlookshorrified.“I—Idon’tknow.Ourfamiliesaresogoodtogether.Ourparentsgetalongsowell,they’vegotinvestmentswitheachother,andthey’resokeenforustobemarried—”
Iknowalltoowellwhatshe’stalkingabout.WithintherichChinese-Indonesiancommunities,parentsschemeandplansothattheirsonsanddaughterswillbeabletomarrythewealthiestsonsanddaughters.GiventheSutopos’vastconglomerateofcorporationsandrealestate,Tomisacatch,regardlessofhisodiouspersonality.
Herlastwordscomeoutinawhisper:“Buthereallyisashit,isn’the?”Shehalf-sobs,half-laughs.“God,IwishMaureenwerehere.She’salwayshatedhim,youknow?Well,she’salwayshatedwhateverguyIdated,butwithTom,god,shewasalwaysrantingabouthowgrossheis,andIjustneversawit.Honestly?IthinkI’mmoreupsetaboutMaureenthananyofit.Doesthatmakemeabadperson?Ihaven’tevenreallythoughtofthatpoordeadguy—Imean,Jesus,therewasadeadguyatourceremony!Howmuchmoreofabadomencanyouget?Ican’tbelieveoneoftheactorsTomhiredturnedupdead.”
Iblinkather.Ittakesawhiletosinkin.Ofcourse.Shedoesn’tknowthatAhGuanwasn’toneofthegroomsmen.Shedoesn’tknowanyoneinthegroom’sbridalparty.Nobodydoes.
“IwishIcouldtalktoMaureen!”Jacquelinewailsagain,buryingherfaceinherhands.“Imissthatassholesomuch.”
Great.Ofcourse,theonepersonshemissesjusthappenstobethewomancurrentlyholdingmyfamilyhostageatgunpoint.Myfamilywho’sprobablyfawningoverherandtellingherwhatagreatdaughtershe’dmakeinsteadofme.
Ugh,freakingMaureen.Okay.WhatwouldMaureendoifshewerehere?Asidefromgrabbingtheteaceremonygiftsandrunningawaywiththem,thatis.Thethoughtofitmakesmefrown.Despiteeverythingthat’shappened,Ican’treconciletheimageofMaureenstealinggiftsthatweremeantforJacqueline.MymindkeepsreelingawayfromthewrongnessofitandrestinginsteadonallthosetimesIcaughtglimpsesofrealfriendshipbetweenthetwowomen.ThewayMaureenanticipatedJacqueline’sneedsandbroughtherwaterbeforesheevenaskedforit.ThewayMaureensupportedJacqueline’sarmsasshesteppedintoherhugedress.Thewaythetwoofthemfinisheachother’ssentences.There’ssomuchlovethere.Alotmorethanwhatever’sbetweenJacquelineandTom,that’sforsure.
Andthat’swhenitclicks.Everythingfallsintoplace.Thetheftoftheteaceremonygifts,buttheintentiontoreturnthem.HowdistraughtMaureenwaswhentheyfoundthegiftsinherroom.Shewassorrowful,grieving,notbecauseofthelossofthegiftsbutbecauseofthelossofherfriendshipwithJacqueline.
BecauseMaureen’sinlovewithJacqueline.
MyhandsstartflappinglikeMa’sandBigAunt’sand—cometothinkofit—therestofmyfamily’sdowhentheygetexcited.There’sasquealingsoundemanatingfromsomewhere.Takesawhiletorealizeit’scomingfromme.Ohmygod,ohmygod—
“Whydoyoukeepsaying‘Ohmygod’?”Jacquelineinterruptshercryingtosnapatme.“Andwhyareyouflappinglikeachickenataslaughterhouse?”
“Oh,sorry.Ididn’trealizeIwassaying‘Ohmygod.’”Iclearmythroat.Gottabuymyselfabitoftime,trytofigureouthowIshouldtellher—shouldItellher?It’snotexactlymysecrettotell,andwouldithelpmatters?Idon’tknow—myhead’sspinningwithsomanydifferentpiecesofinformation,likethefactthatMaureenisstillbackinmyhotelroomwithmyfamilyasherhostages.AmIputtingtheirlivesindangerbytellingJacquelinethetruth?WhatdoIdo?I’mnotequippedtohandlethis,Ican’t—
Ican.Allmylife,I’vetoldmyselfI’mincapableofhandlingwhatever.Whetherit’smovingeastwithNathanormovingoutofMa’shouseorbreakingawayfromthefamilybusinessandstartingoutonmyown.Againandagain,ItellmyselfI’mnotready.Istilllackwhateverskillsareneededtostrikeout.Butthere’snobodytocountonnow.Nathan’sbeencapturedbyaPodunksheriffdrunkonpower,andtherestofmyfamily’sbeingheldatgunpoint.Itallcomesdowntome.I’mtheonewhostarteditall.Ishouldbetheonewhofinishesit.
Deepbreath.Iforcemyhandstostopflapping.Inhale.ItakeJacqueline’shands.Lookherintheeye.
“Jacqueline,doyoutrustme?”
Shetakesinashudderybreathandthennods.
“Good.Thenthere’ssomethingIneedyoutodo.”33
Iknockonthedoortomyroomandopenitacrackbeforecallingout,“It’sme,Meddy.Don’tshoot,I’mcomingin.”
Afewcheeryshoutsof“Oh,youback!”and“Ayo,masuk,masuk!”greetme.Myfamily’swaytoochipperforpeoplewho’rebeingheldatgunpoint,Imustsay.WhenIenter,they’reallsittingaroundsippingtea,evenMaureen.
“Seriously?”
“What?”Masays,lookingallsurprised,likeIhaven’tjustcaughtherdrinkingteawiththeliteralenemy.
“Nothing.Ofcourseyou’dbedrinkingteawithyourkidnapper,becausewhynot?”
“I’mnotakidnapper,”Maureensays,lookingaffronted.
“Yah,whyyoubeingsorude,Meddy?Iraiseyoubetterthanthis,”Masays.
Iraisemyeyestotheceiling.“Whatever.Hereyougo.Igotit.”Itosstheduffelbagontothefloor,grimacingwhenithitsthefloorwithaloudtinkle.Shit,IhopeIhaven’tjustbrokensomepricelessCartierwatchorwhatever.
“Hati-hati!”BigAuntcries.
“Sorry,Iwasn’tthinking—”It’shardtryingtomakeastatement.
“Oooh,exciting,”Maureensays,gettingupfromthechair.Shestartstobendover,stops,thenpointshergunatmeandsays,“Openit.”
Idoasshetellsmeandstepbackassheuseshertoestoprodatthebag.Jewelryandwatchesglitterfrominsideit.
“Wow,”Maureensaysafterapause.“Ididn’tthinkyou’dpullitoff.”
“Itellyou,mydaughterisverysmart,”Masays,noddingandsmilingproudlyatme.
IfeelaflushofpridebeforeIrealizehowfuckedupitistofeelproudaboutthis.Still,it’snicetobecomplimented.
“Howdidyoudoit?”Maureensays,staringatme.“Howdidyouevengetinsidethesafe?Thebridalroommustbefullofpeople.How’dyougetpastthem?”
“Well,let’ssee.ItoldthemIwastheretotalktoJacqueline,andthenItalkedtoJacquelinealoneandtoldheryouwantedthegifts,andsheletmehavethem.”
TheyallstareatmelikeI’vejustgrownanotherhead.
Maureenletsoutabark.“Oh,right,yeah,shejustletyouhavethem.”
“Yeah,shedid.Shesaidshedoesn’twantthemanyway,nowthatthey’retaintedwithallthebadstuffthat’shappened,andshesaidyoumightaswellhavethem.”
“You’relying.Stoplying!”Maureengraspsthegunwithbothhandsandaimsitstraightatmyhead.
There’sasquawkfrommyfamily.“Aduh,don’tpointgunatpeople,”BigAuntsays.
“Please,Maureen,putthegundown,begoodgirl,”Mapleads.
“Quiet,I’mtryingtothink!”Maureenglaresatme.“Howdidyoureallygetit?”
“ItoldthemIwantedtotalktoJacqueline.Shewasinthebedroomallalone.Iwentin,heldheratgunpoint,andtoldhertoemptythesafeorI’dshoot.”
Maureen’schintrembles.“Wassheokay?”
“No,shewasn’tokay.Whatdidyouthinkwasgoingtohappen?”
“Idon’tknow!Ididn’tthinkyou’dactuallygothroughwithit!”
“Well,Idid,andhere’syourstupidstash,nowyoucantakeit—theremustbeatleasttwomilliondollars’worthofstuffinthere—andGO.”
Maureen’seyesdarttothebag.Backtome.Downtothebag.“Did—um—didsheaskaboutmeatall?”
“Whydoyoucare?Youliterallyjusthadmerobher.”
“OnlybecauseIdidn’t—Iwanted—”
“What?”Isnap,takingasteptowardher.“Youwantedwhat?”
“Iwasgoingto—Ithoughtmaybethisway,Jackiewouldcomehereandtalktome.Withoutcallingthecopsoranything.IfshesawthatIhavethegifts,butIgavethemback,maybeshe’d—Idon’tknow—”
“Whywouldshewanttotalktoyouagainafteryoustolefromher?Twice!”
“Iwasn’tgoingtostealfromher.Thatwasn’ttheplan!”
“Whatwastheplan?HowdidyouevengettoknowAhGuaninthefirstplace?”
“I—wewerefriends.HewastheonewhogotmetosuggestyourmomasafloristtoJackie.Saidshe’dgetagooddeal.HeknewIwasupsetaboutthewedding,sohecameupwiththiswholeplantogetitcanceled.Hesaidwecouldtaketheteaceremonygifts,hidethemforawhileuntilthewedding’scalledoff,andthenwe’dreturnthem.”
KnowingwhatIknowofAhGuan,heprobablyhadnoplanstoreturnthem,butItrustMaureen’stellingthetruth.Itakeanothersteptowardher.“WhydidAhGuanthinkyou’dbeupsetaboutthewedding?”
“Because—”
“Why,Maureen?”
“BecauseIloveJackie!”
There’sacollectivegaspfrommyfamily.
“Iloveher,okay?”Maureencries,tearsrunningdownherface.“I’velovedhersincewefirstmet,whenwewereincollege.Itoldmyselfnottobesoselfish,thatshe’snotintogirls.Iwould’vesupportedherthroughallofherrelationships—Ididsupportherthroughmostofthem,butTomissucha—”
“Ashit!”
Weallturntolookatthedoorway,whereJacqueline’sburstin,chestheaving.Onceagain,there’sacollectivegaspfrommyfamily.
“Wah,hermakeupstillokay,”BigAuntsaysapprovingly.
SecondAuntglancesatheroldersisterinsurprise.Wealldo,actually.ForaslongasIcanremember,it’sthefirsttimeBigAunt’ssaidsomethingnicetoSecondAunt.“Er—yes,mascaranorun.IsbecauseIapplyeyelashglueontopofit,youknow,”SecondAuntsays,smilingwithobviouspride.
“Sshh,”Ihiss.
Jacquelinestormsinside.Eventhoughshe’snolongerinherhugewhitedress,there’sjustsomethingaboutherthatcommandsyourattention.Maybeit’showethereallybeautifulsheis.Ormaybeit’sthewayshe’slookingatMaureen,half-glaring,half-somethingelse.She’sincandescent.Itmightberageorsorrowor—
“Jackie—”
“Iloveyoutoo!”
Love.It’slovethat’sblazingsobrightlyfromher,lovethat’scaughtallofourattention,lovethatnowpropelsherinsidethisroom.
Iwasright.Thetwowomenloveeachother.Itwasagamble,butIwaswillingtoriskitallforthis.IstepasidetoletJacquelinepass,andatlastshe’sstandingface-to-facewithherbestfriend.
Slowly,Jacquelineraisesherhandandplacesitonthegun.Maureendoesn’tputupafightasJacquelinetakesitfromherandreleasestheammothingy.Ireallyshouldbrushuponmygunlingo
“Empty,”Jacquelinesays,asmiletouchinghermouth.“Iknewyoucouldn’thurtanyone.Notreally.”
“I—Jackie—howlong—”
“Meddygotmetowaitoutsidewhileshetookthebagin.Iheardeverything.”JacquelineplacesagentlehandonMaureen’scheek.“Whydidn’tyoutellmebefore?”
“Ididn’tthink—I—you’restraight,Ididn’twantto—”
“IonlydatedguysbecauseIdidn’twantyoutoevensuspectthatImightbeintoyou,”Jackiecries.“Ididn’twantyoutogetscared.Ithoughtyouwerestraight.”
SheandMaureenlaugh,thentheyfallintoeachother’sarms.Jacqueline’schintipsup,Maureenlowersherhead,andfinally,theirmouthsmeetinaheart-stoppingkissthatmakesmyeyeswellup.IlookawaytogivethemsomesemblanceofprivacyandseethatMaandmyauntiesarejustsittingthere,openlystaringandsmiling,notevenpretendingtolookawayoranything.
“Tsk,”Itutatthem,andtheylooksliiightlyabashed.Istandthereawkwardly,staringattheceilingwhilemyfamilystealsglancesatthem.Afterwhatseemslikeaneternity,thetwofinallybreakapart,breathlessandgrinning.
“Look,herlipstickstillstayon,”SecondAuntsays.
“Yes,yourmakeupnumberone.Excuseme,sorrytobother,butcanuntieusornot?”BigAuntsays.“Myhandsverypainful.”
“Oh!Yeah,ofcourse.I’msosorry,”Maureencries,andweallhurrytothebedstohelpuntiethewristbindings.
IkneeldowninfrontofMaandstartworkingattheknotsaroundherwrists.NowthatI’mcrouchedsoclosetoher,Icanseeeverylineonherface,everyfamiliarcreaseandfold,allofthelaughlinesandtheworrylines,thepathwaysofherlifesoclearlywrittenacrossherfeatures.“Youokay?”Isaysoftly.There’ssomuchIwanttosaytoher,butatthesametime,itfeelslikeinthismoment,sheknowseverything,everysecretI’vekeptburiedinmyheart.
“Yes,”shesays,smilingatme.Hereyesarebrightwithunshedtears.“Isoproudofyou,Meddy.”
Andinthatmoment,I’veneverfeltprouderofmyselfandmyfamily.34
“Soletmegetthisstraight,”SheriffMcConnellsays.“Thedeadguy’sdeadbecause…wait,why?”
Ittakeseverythinginsidemenottoleapoutofmychairandthrottletheguy.Luckily,I’msurroundedbymyfamily,plusJacquelineandMaureen.Jacquelinesqueezesmyshoulderandgivesmeoneofherencouragingsmiles.Icandothis.Icanspinastorytofoolthismanandletusalloffthehook.“It’sreallyallquitesimple,Sheriff.Yousee,AhGuan—that’sthedeceased—hewantedtostealtheteaceremonygifts—”
“That’sthemgiftsyoupeoplegetbeforetheweddingceremony?”
Iwinceatthewords“youpeople,”butkeepgoing.
“Yes,inChinesetradition,weusuallyhaveateaceremony,wherethebrideandgroom’srelativesgivethemmoneyorjewelryandsoon.Aftertheteaceremony,MaureenandItookthegiftsbacktothebridalsuite.”
“Hangon,aren’tyouthelawyer?”SheriffMcConnellsays.Goodgrief,didhejustnoticethat?IsupposeIhavechangedintodryclothes,butstill.Asthoughreadingmymind,heshakeshisheadandmutters,“Youalllookverysimilartome.”
“Yes,becauseweareallfamily,”Masays,beamingproudly.
“What,you’reallrelated?”
“No,shemeantafewofusare,”Isayquickly.“AndI’msortof…alawyer-ishtypeofperson.”InthatIwatchedeveryseasonofTheGoodFight.“Anyway,soMaureenandItookthegiftsbacktothebridalsuiteandrejoinedtheprocession,andthatwaswhenAhGuantookthegifts.Hemusthavebeenthereallalong,disguisedasoneofthegroomsmen.Idon’tthinkheexpectedthebrideandgroomtodiscoverthatthegiftsweremissingsoearly;usually,theydon’tlookatthegiftsuntilthenextday,but—Idon’tknow,maybeTomwantedtolookatwhatkindofPatekPhilippehegot.WhenAhGuanheardthattheywereconductingasearch,hemust’vepanickedandstashedthegiftsinMaureen’sroom.She’sthelikeliestsuspectbecauseshewasthelastonewiththegifts.”
SheriffMcConnellnodsslowly,frowningatusthewholetime.
“Andthenheneededaplacetohide,andwhereelsetohidebutwithinplainsight?”Isay,movingmyhandsanimatedly.“Hewasdisguisedasagroomsmananyway,andtheothergroomsmenweredrunkandweren’treallyawareofwhatwasgoingon,plustheydon’tevenknowoneanother.”
“Yes,wah,theyaresodrunk.Oneofthem—Idon’tknowwho,butoneofthem”—Masaysmeaningfully—“bring,youknow,thatalcohol,theverybadone.Ithinkitiscalled‘abstinence.’”
“Well,Iheardthatoneofthembroughtweed,”FourthAuntsays.
“Goodgrief,”SheriffMcConnellmutters.
“Yeah,”Icutin.“Sohewentintothegroom’ssuite,andwhenthesearchpartywentthroughthesuite,hepanickedandhidinacooler.See,oneofthebaker’scoolerswentmissingearlierintheday,andIthinkAhGuanwasplanningonusingthattostashthestolenjewelry.Wefoundthecoolerinthegroomsmen’ssuite.Itgotlockedbymistake,andhesuffocatedinitanddied.”
SheriffMcConnell’seyesaresowiderightnowtheylooklikethey’reabouttopopout.But,asmuchasIbravemyselffortheinevitablecryof,“Thisishorseshit!”itdoesn’tcome.Instead,whathesaysis,“Andthenwhathappened?”
“Thenthegroomsmenmust’vefoundhimatsomepoint,andbythentheywerealldruggedoutoftheirminds,theyweretrippinghard,sohardtheydidn’tevenrealizehewasdead.Theymust’vethoughtitwasajoke.Theyhauledhimoutandcarriedhimcheerfullydowntothealtar.Youcanquestionthem;wedid,andtheyrememberbitsandpieces.SomeofthemrememberfindingAhGuanandcarryinghimtothealtar.Theythoughthewasjustpassedout.”
“Idon’t—wha…”SheriffMcConnellleansback,lookingdazed.Ican’tblamehim.It’sahellofastorywe’veallcookedup.Butit’sthebestwecouldcomeupwith.Iholdmybreathasherubshisforehead.“Howdidyouallfigureoutallthesedetails?Youweren’tthere,wereyou?”
“No,wepiecedittogetherbasedoninformationwegatheredfromwitnesses,”Isay,myvoicealotmoreconfidentthanhowIactuallyfeel.“Youcouldtalktothegroomsmenifyouwant.They’rerightoutsidetheoffice.”
Henodssilently,stilllookingdazed.
Jacquelinehurriestothedoorandopensit.Aspromised,thegroomsmenareallwaitingoutside,andtheylookterrible.Theirclothesarebedraggled,theirhairisallmessedup,andahandfulofthemhavewhatlooklikevomitstainsdowntheirfronts.SheriffMcConnellwrinkleshisnoseandgrimaces.Can’tblamehim;theysmellsobadIcanpracticallyseethestinkfumesradiatingfromthem.It’sastenchofsweat,vomit,andotherbodilyfluidsIdon’tcaretothinkof.Theystumbleinsideandblinkowlishlyatus.
“So,”SheriffMcConnellsays,gettingupfromNathan’schair.“Youboysarethegroomsmen.”
Theysquintagainstthebrightlightsintheofficeandshrug.Acoupleofthemmutter,“Worstjobever.”
“Whichofyouboysaresoberenoughtotellmewhattheheckhappened?”
Acoupleofhandsareraised,hesitantly.SheriffMcConnellpicksone.“Yougofirst.Stateyournameandoccupation.”
Ashort,friendly-lookingguystepsforward.Hishairisstickingoutineverydirectionandhisshirtistorn,buthiseyesaretheleastbloodshotoutofallthemen.“Um,myname’sHenry,andI’manactor.”
“Andyouknowthegroom…how?”
“Idon’t.Notreally.I’veonlymethimoncebeforetoday.Wewereallhiredtoplayhisgroomsmen.”
“Millennials,”SheriffMcConnellgrumbles.
“Um,Tomhiredmostofusseparately.Idon’tknowabouttheseotherguys,Ithinkacoupleofthemarefromagencies,butmostofusareindependentactors.”
Jacquelineshakesherheadsadly,andMaureenhugshercloseandkisseshercheek.Despiteeverything,thesightofthemmakesmyheartmelt,justalittle.
“Hepaidusforlike,awholeweddingexperience,sothatincludedabachelor’snight,whichtookplacelastnight.Wepartiedhard;Iguessnoneofuswantedtolethimdown.God,IrememberdrinkingandseeingtheskylightenandIwaslike,‘Shit,isitmorningalready?’Itwaswild,man.Andthemorningwasjustablur,like—Idon’tknow,peoplekeptcominginandtellingustogetreadyorwhatever,sowepeeledourselvesoffthefloorandtriedtogetdressed,butitwasamess.Thesuitewasadumpbythetimewegotthroughlastnight,everyone’sclotheswereallmixedupandshit,Ithinkoneoftheguyslosthistux,anotherlosthispants,andpeoplekeptcominginandoutoftheroom.Itwashorrible.Oh,andalotofuswerepukingfromtheparty.”Henrysagsintothechairandgrabshishead.“Myhead’skillingme.Isthatallyouwantedtoknow?”
“No!”SheriffMcConnellsnaps.“No,youidiot,Iwanttoknowaboutthebody.”
“Oh,right,yeahofcourse.Yeah…man,Ihavenoideahowthathappened.”
SheriffMcConnelllooksasifhe’saboutreadytoexplode.Whenhedoestalk,hisvoicecomesoutslowanddeliberate,likehe’stalkingtoaparticularlyslowchild.“Well,let’sstartwithwhenyoufirstrealizedtherewasadeadbody.”
“Atthealtar,whenJoshua—er,wasitJoshuaorwasitKegan—Ireallyhavenoideawhowasholdingthebodyup.Whentheydroppedhim.ThenIrealizedtherewasadeadbody.No,wait,itwasafterthat.’CauseIwaslaughing,Ithoughttheguywasjustreallydrunk,butthensomeonescreamedthathewasdead,sothenIknew,”Henrysays,noddingwithprideasifhe’ssolvedthewholemystery.
Idon’tdaremeetanyone’seye.Imightburstoutlaughing,orcrying.It’ssurrealtoseeourplanactuallygetcarriedout.
“Beforethat,”SheriffMcConnellurges,“doyouknowwhofoundthebody?Itmust’vebeeninthegroom’ssuite,right?Andoneofyoumust’vefoundhim;otherwise,howdidheendupatthealtar?”
“Um,Iguess?Idon’tknowwhofoundhim.Itoldyou,itwasamess.Idon’tevenknow—ohman,Idon’tevenknowhowIendedupatthealtar.ItwaslikeIblinkedandthenthereIwas.Itwascrazy.Iwasseriouslytripping.”
“Whodruggedyou?”SheriffMcConnellroars.
“Imean,Idon’tknow.I’dliketoknow,thatwassomegoodstuff—er,Imean,yeah,thatwasreallyuncool,drugginguslikethat,”hefinisheslamely.“Youcouldwaituntiltherestoftheseguyssoberupandquestionthem.ButIdoubtanyofthemwouldknow.Wewerealltrippinghaaard.”
SheriffMcConnellleansbackinhisseatwithagroanandbarks,“Justgetout.Allofyou,out!”
“Aren’tyougoingtoreleaseNathan?”
Heglaresatme,andthere’ssomuchhateandangerbehindhiseyesthatIalmosttakeastepback.Almost,butnotquite,becausebehindme,MaplacesareassuringhandonmybackandIstandtall.
“I’mnotleavinguntilyoureleasehim.Yousee,Ithinkwe’veestablishedthatitwasallanunfortunateaccidentthathasnothingtodowithNathan,andyoudon’thaveacaseagainsthim,oranyone.Socloseit.We’vesolvedeverythingforyou.Youcantellmainlandpoliceyoufiguredeverythingoutonyourown;we’llbackyouonthat.They’llbesoimpressedbyyourwork.Canyouimaginethearticlesthat’llbewrittenaboutyou?Yousolvedadeathandatheftinvolvingtwomilliondollars’worthofgifts!”
“Wah,youarethebestpolice,”Masays.
“Verybest,numberone!”BigAuntsays,holdingherthumbsup.
“Ohyes,ItellallmyWhatsAppfriends,wah,luckygotsuchgreatpolice,”SecondAuntsays.
“Whatastrappinghero,”FourthAuntsimpers.
He’storn,anyonecanseethat,betweentheimplausibilityofthesituationandwantingtobelievewhatwe’resaying.Hewantstobelieveitsobadly.Heknowshe’sinwayoverhishead,thathe’sbungledthisupbeyondallmeasure.Bettertoclaimthathe’ssolvedeverythingbeforethebigboysfromthemainlandmarchinandtakeover
Then,Maureen,accountantextraordinaire,stepsinandsaysthewordsthattipthesheriffovertooursideonceandforall:“I’llhelpyouwiththepaperwork.”Epilogue
ItakeadeepbreathandpushopentheswingdoorstoTopDimSum.Noisespillsout,acacophonyofMandarin,Cantonese,Hokkien,andotherChinesedialectsIcan’tidentify.Atthereceptiondesk,thehostisalreadyoverrunbythrongsofloudauntiesandunclesaskingabouttheirtables.
“Oof,”Ibreatheout.Idon’tknowifI’llevergetusedtothenoiseofSundaydimsum.Astronghandfindsmineandgivesitareassuringsqueeze.
“I’mhungry,”Nathansays,grinningdownatme.“Ican’twait.”
“Ha,”Igivehimaweaklaugh.I’mstillhalf-convincedthatoneofthesedayshe’llrealizewhatacrazymessmyfamilyisanddecidehe’sbetteroffwithoutme.Butno—Icatchmyself.No,he’sluckytohaveme.I’mluckytohavehim.We’remeantforeachother.Ismileupathim,andthistime,mysmile’slessnervous.“Comeon,they’vegotatablealready.”
Weweaveourwaythroughtheheavingcrowd,intothemaindiningroom.
“Meddyyyy!”someoneyellsoverthenoise,andIlookovertoseeMaandFourthAuntwavingtheirarmslikethey’reoneofthosedancingballoonthingiesoutsideofcardealerships.“Overheeeere!”theyshoutagain,eventhoughI’vealreadywavedinacknowledgmentandwe’reveryclearlywalkingtowardthem.Myfamily,Iswear.
“Wah,finallyyouarrive,”Masays,standingupandgivingNathanahug.ShesqueezesmycheeklikeI’malloftwoyearsold.Wegreettherestofmyaunties,andtheyallsmileandstartpilingfoodonourplates.
“Ayo,makan!”
“Makan,makan!”
Forafewminutes,we’requietaswetuckintodelicious,steamingplatesofsiumaiandhargow.
“Youlookhealthy,Meddy,”BigAuntsaysinMandarin.
“Yep,youreallydo,”Nathansays.Unlikemine,hisMandarinisflawless.YetanotherreasonwhyMaandmyauntsadorehim.
“Really?Ithinkyoulookabittired,dear,”Masays,beforeFourthAuntobviouslykicksherunderthetable.
“Remember,you’resupposedtobesupportive?”FourthAuntwhispersinavolumeloudenoughtobeheardoverthedinoftherestaurant.
Manodsandfacesmeagain.“Ahyes,Iwaswrong.Youdon’tlooktired.Youlookradiant,verywell-fed,sodifferenttowhenIlastsawyou.”Still,whenshesmiles,it’sobviousthatshe’stryingherbesttohidehersorrow.
Ireachoutforherhand.“Ma,”Isay,gently.“Iseeyouliterallyeveryday.YouknowexactlyhowIlook.”Whichistrue.Thewomanpopsupatmyapartmentfirstthingeverymorningwithastashofhome-cookedfood,andmostnightsIhavedinneratherplace.It’snotsobad;myapartment’sonBroadway,oneblockawayfromtheAsiansupermarketshegoesto,soshemakeseveryexcuseshecantodropby.AndasmuchasIhatetoadmitit,Iloveseeingmymomeveryday.It’smademovingoutalotlesshardonbothofus.
“Aiya,yourmomjustmissesyou,”SecondAuntscoldswithoutanybite.
“Iknow,Imissyoutoo,”Isay,squeezingMa’shand.
“Idon’tlikethiswholemodernthingwhereyoungwomenliveontheirown,”BigAuntsays.
“Yes,it’sverydangerous,”SecondAuntagrees.They’resomuchmoreannoyingnowthatthey’reagreeingwitheachother.
“Yes,Nathan,thisisallyourfault.Meddymovedoutofmyhousebecauseofyou,”Masays.
“Whoa,whyme?”Nathancries,raisinghishandsandlookingincrediblyadorable.
“Maybesoyoucanbehavingallthesex,”MagrumblesinEnglish.
“Ma!”IgiveNathananapologeticgrimace,buthejustshakeshisheadwithsilentlaughter.Imean,she’snotwrong,butSTILL.
“It’sokay,Iamverymodern,”Masays,switchingbacktoMandarin.
“Sincewhen?”FourthAuntmutters.
“I’msomodernIdon’tevencareifyougetmarriedornot,aslongasyougivememygrandbabies.”
“Ma,”Igroan.ButNathanlooksfarfrombeingscaredoff.He’slaughingeasily,hiseyestwinklingashewatchesmeinteractingwithmyfamily.“Areyoudoneembarrassingme?BecauseIactuallyhavesomethingtoshowyou,”Isay
Mawavesatmetogoon,andIrummageinmybagandtakeoutaglossymagazine,whichIputinthemiddleofthelazySusan.There’samomentwhenBigAuntandMalookaroundfortheirreadingglasses.Thentheyallleanforwardandsquintatthemagazine.
“MarthaStewartWedd—ohmygod,”FourthAuntsays.“No!Really?We’reinthere?”
Igrinatthem.“Yep,really.It’sonpage20.Athree-pagespreadwithpicturesofeverything—thecake,yourflowers,theamazingmakeup.”
“Theresort,”Nathanadds.“AllcapturedbeautifullybyMeddy.”Hegrinsatme,andmyheartsplitswideopen.Italwaysdoesatthatsmile.
MymomandauntssquealandchatterhappilyastheyfliptothepagesshowcasingJacquelineandMaureen’swedding.“Wah,thecakeisso,sopretty,”SecondAuntsays.
BigAuntsmilesatherandsays,“Andthebrideslookverybeautiful.”
Mabeamsthroughhertears.“Look,ourbusinessnameisthere.”Andsureenough,underneaththebigtitleisalistofvendors,clearlylistingthenameofthefamilycompany.And,belowthat:PhotographedbyMCPhotography.
I’mnolongerpartofmyfamily’sbusiness.We’reaffiliated,andI’malwaysreferringclientstothemandviceversa,andsometimes,aswasthecasewithJacquelineandMaureen’swedding,weworktogether.Butotherthanthat,I’mmostlydonewithbigweddings.Breakingawaywashardatfirstforallofus,buttheysoongotusedtoSeb,whichisunsurprisingbecausehe’samazing,andIsoonfoundmyniche:photographingthein-betweens.Idojustabouteverything,fromengagementstonewbornstofamilieswhojustwanttocapturethejoyintheirlives,andIloveit.Mywebsiteisfilledwithkissingcouplesandlaughingbabies.Iguessitdoesn’thurtthatIoftensuggestNathan’sgorgeousresortasthelocationoftheirshoot.Thecross-pollinationhasbeengoodforallofus.
“AndMarthaStewartWeddingsisonlythefirsttopublicizeourstory,”Nathansays.“We’velinedupawholelotofotheronlineweddingpublicationstoo.Preparetobebookedoutforthenexttwoyears.”
BigAunt,whohandlesallthebookings,hasbeensworntosilence.Butatthissheyelps,“It’strue!We’realreadybookoutthisyear!”
Theotherwomenstareather.“What?Justtheothernightyouweretalkingaboutbeingworriedbecausewehavenocustomers,”Masays.
“Aiya,obviouslyIwasjustmakingitup.Yousee,Meddy?I’mgoodatkeepingsecrets,right?MeddywasverysurethatIwouldn’tbeabletokeepitasecret.”Shegrinsproudlywhiletheothersshaketheirheadsandthensays,“Aaand,guesswhobookeduslastnight.”Shedoesn’tgiveanyonetimetoguessbeforesquealing,“TheSutopos!”
“What?”weallsquawk.
“Sutopoasin…TomCruiseSutopo?”Isay.“Whyintheworldwouldtheywanttohireyouguysagainafterwhathappenedlasttime?”
“Tsk,theyknowit’snotourfault,”BigAuntsays,flappingherhandatme
“Imean,itsortofdefinitelywasourfault,”Imutter.
“Okay,theydon’tknowthat.WhentheysawusinMarthaStewartWeddings,theysaidtous:‘Youarethebestinthisarea.WemusttopJacquelineandMaureen’sweddingsothatwecansaveface!We’llpayyoudouble;makesuretheweddingisbetterineveryway.’”
“Wow.Here’stoTom,Iguess.Ihopehe’sfoundsomeonemore…suitableforhim.”Someonewho’slesslikelytotakehisbullshit.
Masighsloudly.ShewaitsuntilalltheattentionisonherbeforesayinginEnglish,“Allthesepeoplegetmarry.”ShelookspointedlyatmeandNathan
“Ma,comeon,”Igroan.“Yousaidyouwouldn’t—”
Nathangivesmyhandanothersqueezeandsays,“It’sfine.Iknow,Auntie,I’msorrywe’retakingourtime.Therehavebeenalotofthingswehadtotakecareof,butyou’reright.”
“Iam?”Masays.
Thetablefallssilent.“Nathan,”Iwhisper.“Ithinkthey’regettingthewrongidea.”
Inanswer,henodsatanearbywaiter,whogrinsandwalkstowarduswithasmallbamboosteamer.What.Asthoughinslowmotion,IturntolookatNathan.Hesmilesatme.Ilookatthewaiter.
“Ohgod,”Iwhisper.
Thebamboosteamerisplacedbeforeme,andthewaiteropensitwithaflourish,revealinganavybluevelvetboxinside.
“Nathan.Really?”Ican’tsayanythingelse.Mythroathasclosedupwithtears.Dimly,Isensemyfamilymembersflappinglikeheadlesschickens,andthecommotioncatchestheeyeoftheotherdiners,whoturnandwatchuswithunconcealedinterest.
Nathantakestheboxoutofthesteamerandgetsdownononeknee.Withouttakinghisgazefrommine,hesmilesandsays,“MeddelinChan,willyoumarryme?”
“YES!”
Ilookaroundinsurprise.Theyeshadcomefrommymother.Theauntiesyankherback.IturnbacktoNathan.ThemanI’velovedforallofmyadultlife.Theonewhogotaway.Theonewho,againstallodds,foundmeagain.Themanofallmydreams.
I’vehiddenhimfrommyfamilyforsolong.It’sonlyfittingthatImakethisdeclarationinfrontofthem,hereandnow,inthisheavilyquietdimsumrestaurant.
“Yes.”
Theroarenvelopsallofus,aheadyrushofcongratulationsallaround,andIknowthen,asIhaveneverknownbefore,thatNathanandIarehome.ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
DialAforAuntiesishandsdownthemostjoyouspublishingexperienceIhavehad.Fromthewritingtothesubmissionstothepublishingprocess—allofithasbeensowonderfulandsmooththatifIweretoseethispublishingtimelineonaTVshow,Iwould’vesnortedandsaidit’sunrealistic.
Many,manypeopleareresponsibleformakingthisjourneyasmagicalasithasbeen.Myagent,KatelynDetweiler,wasthebesteverchampionforthebook.Herexcitementuponreadingitwasadelighttosee,andshehandledthesubmissionsprocesssomasterfully,despiteallthepanickingandflailingfrommyend.ThankstoKatelyn,DialAforAuntiesfoundthebestpossiblehomeatBerkley
CindyHwangwasmydreameditor,andworkingwithherhasturnedouttobeevenbetterthanIhaddaredtohopefor.Thankyouforhelpingtomoldthebookintoitscurrentform,andforworkingsopatientlywithmeonthemostchallengingeditsofall.ItwassuchajoytoopenupthedocumentandseethatCindyhadcorrectedmyChinesespelling;trulyamomentwhenIknewwithoutadoubtthatIwasinthebesthands.
TotherestoftheBerkleyteam—AngelaKim,whoisalwaysreadywitharesponseevenpastmidnight;JinYuforherendlesscreativity;andErinGallowayandDacheRogers,whoarepuremagicwhenitcomestopublicity.Thankyou,too,totheteamatJillGrinbergLiteraryManagement—SophiaSeidner,DenisePage,andofcourseSamFarkas,forbringingtheauntiestoallovertheworld.
IamsoexcitedthatDialAforAuntieswillbeaNetflixmovie.Thiswouldn’thavebeenpossiblewithouttheeffortsofMaryPenderandOliviaFanaroofUnitedTalentAgency.Theypitchedtheprojectflawlesslyandfoundtheperfectproducers,NahnatchkaKhan,ChloeYellin,JohnDavis,andJordanDavis.I’msogladthattheprojectisbeinghandledbyLisaNishimuraofNetflix,whowillnodoubtturnitintoawonderful,rollickingfilm.
Onthepersonalside,IamwildlygratefultoNicoleLesperanceforurgingmetowritethisbattystory,BethanyHenselfortalkingmethroughallofmyindecisionsandhelpingmeenvisiontherightending,LaniFrankforbeingsuchasharp,brilliantcritiquepartner,andElaineAlimentforherexpertiseonwritingromance.Andofcoursetotherestofmywritingfamily:ToriaHegedusforbeingempatheticevenwhenI’matmymostunbearable,SLHuangwhoisquitepossiblythesmartestpersonIknow,TillyLatimerforalltherealitychecks,RobLivermoreforthelaughs,MaddoxHahnforalltheentertainment,MelMelcerforthewisdom,EmmaMareeforthefaithinhumanity,GraceShimforthehoursofheart-to-heartwhenIneededthem,SajniPatelforallthevirtualdonuts,MartiLeimbachforsharingallofherpublishingexpertise,AlechiaDowforalwayscheckinginonme,KateDylanforbeingsuchahilariousfish,andallthefolksofAbsoluteWrite,withoutwhomIwouldhavequitwritingalongtimeago.
Tomyhusband,Mike,whosupportedmeforyearswhileIstruggledtowrite.Withouthisconfidenceinme,Iwould’vedefinitelygivenupaftermyfirstbook.Infact,Iprobablywouldn’thaveevenfinishedmyfirstbook.Tomylittlegirls,EmmelineandRosalie,whowillonedayreadthiswhenthey’regrown(Ihope.OrIshallguiltthemintoreadingit!)andhopefullygainmoreunderstandingofourheritagefromit.Oratleastsomelaughs.
Andmostimportantly,tomyMamaandPapaandtherestoftheSutantoandWijayafamilies.Growingup,IneverexperiencedtruefearbecauseIalwaysknewthatmyparentsandtheentirestrengthoftheSutantoandWijayaclanswouldcatchmeifIfell.Thankyouforbringingmeupwiththatassurance.Thankyouforgivingupeverythingsothatyoucouldgivemeeverything.Thisbookisaboutfamilies,formyfamily.
Terimakasih,MamadanPapatersayang.READERSGUIDE
READERSGUIDEFOR
DIALAFORAUNTIES
QuestionsforDiscussion
1.Meddyfeelsalotofguiltandresponsibilitytokeephermotherandauntshappy,somuchsothatshewaswillingtoforegomovingtoNewYorkwithNathan.Doyouthinkthiswastherightchoiceforher?Whatwouldyouhavedone?
2.WhichofMeddy’sauntswouldyoumostwantinanemergency,andwhy?
3.AlthoughMeddy’smotherandauntsareconstantlysnipingateachother,attheendofthedaytheyarewillingtodropeverythingtohelpMeddy.Canyourelatetothis,whetheritiswithyourgroupoffriendsorwithyourfamily?
4.Alargepartoftheimmigrantexperienceislearninganewlanguage.BigAunt,SecondAunt,andMastruggledtospeakEnglishwell,whileFourthAunthasmastereditandsometimeswieldsitasaweaponagainstMa.Areyoufamiliarwiththestrugglethatimmigrantsfacewithadoptinganewlanguageandhaveyouwitnessedimmigrantsbeingmadefunoforbelittledfornotspeakingtheiradoptedlanguagefluently?Howdoyouthinkweasasocietycanhelppreventthisfromhappening?
5.Meddydoesnothavethebestexperiencewithdating,sohermothertakesituponherselftofindadateforher.Haveyoueverbeensetupbyafamilymemberorfriend?Whathasyourexperiencewithdatingappsbeenlike?
6.AlthoughMeddybrokeupwithNathanabruptlywhentheywereincollege,hewasimmediatelyhappytoseeheragainanddidn’tpushhertoohardforanswers.Wereyousurprisedbyhowreadilyheacceptedherhurriedapology,andhowwillinghewastohelpMeddywithhidingthetruthaboutthedeadbody?
7.Ifyouweretoaccidentallykillyourblinddate—which,let’sfaceit,issomethingthatcouldtotallyhappentoanyone—whowouldyoucalltohelpdisposeofthebody?Woulditbesomeoneinyourfamily?Disclaimer:ofcourseinareal-lifesituationweallknowthefirstthingtodowouldbetocallthepolice!
8.Asthechildofimmigrantparents,Meddyoftenfeelsoutofplace.She’sneitherfullyathomeinCalifornianorinIndonesia.Haveyoueverfeltdisplacedinasimilarway?Doyouthinkit’ssomethingthatcanbeovercome?
9.Haveyoueverfelt,likeMeddy,burdenedbyexpectationsplacedonyoubyyourparentsorotherfamilymembers?Somuchsothatyoufeelunabletospeakyourtruth?IsMeddyapushover,orisshebeingselfless?
10.DoyouthinkMaureenisaredeemablecharacter?WouldyouhavebeenabletoforgiveherifyouwereinJacqueline’sposition?KeepreadingforanexcerptfromthesequeltoDialAforAunties.
AvailablesoonfromBerkley!
Itrynottobreatheasthelastcorsethookisyankedintoplace.“Ow,that’sdiggingintomyribcage.”
Yenyenhuffsabreaththroughhisteethandgivesonelastvicioustugthatforcesasqueakoutofme.“Inthepast,brideswouldbreaktheirribstofitintotheirweddingdresses,”hesays,anditstrikesmethathe’snotsayingitinahorrifiedtone,butratherawistfulone,whichissomewhatworrying.“Howdoyoufeel?”
Iriskbreathingagain,andtomysurprise,despitethetorturoustimeIhadgettingstuffedintothedress,onceI’min,it’sactually—dareIsayit—comfortable.Whatsortofblackmagicisthis?Icould’veswornIwouldhardlybeabletotakeeventhetiniestsipofairin.Iblinkathiminsurprise.“Icanbreatheinit.”
Ican’tquiteseehiseyesbehindtheround,purple-tintedsunglasses,butI’mprettysureIhearthemroll.
“Aduuuh,ofcourseyoucanbreatheinit,silly.Yenyen’screationsaren’tjustbeautiful,they’realsobuiltformaximumcomfort.”
Ican’thelpbutsmileathim.Yenyenhasatendencytorefertohimselfinthirdperson,whichshouldsoundmildlyderangedbutactuallycomesoffsomewhatendearing.HisrealnameisYenzhen,butnobodyisallowedtocallhimthat.WithintheChinesetradition,it’scommontohavephoneticallyrepeatednamesasapetname,andasYenyensays,he’severybody’sbestfriend,sowemustcallhimYenyen.
“Now,areyoureadytoseeit?”heasks.
AmI?Myheartraterises.Mycheeksgrowwarm.ThiswillbethefortymillionthdressI’vetriedon.IswearI’vetriedoneveryweddingdressL.A.hastooffer,andeachtime,there’sbeensomethingthatMaormyauntsdidn’tlike.Overthelastfewmonths,asweexhaustedeverybridalboutiqueinGreaterLosAngeles,theircommentshavesearedthemselvesontomybrain.
“Sequinnotshinyenough.”
“Thelacelookitchy,ismakingmeitchy,ismakingyouitchy?”
“Bodytooslutty.”(SecondAuntmeantbodice.Ithink.)
Andsoonandsoforth,untilNathanannouncedthathe’darrangedforIndonesia’spremiereweddingdressdesignertocometoL.A.withcustom-madedresses.Including—andthisisthepiècederésistance—dressesforthemotherandauntsofthebride.
IswallowandnodatYenyen.“I’mready.”
“Okay,keepyoureyesclosedthough!”HegatherstheskirtbehindmeasIturnslowlytofacethefloor-lengthmirror.Afteraminuteofrustlingandfussing,hesays,“Openyoureyes.”
Idoashesays.
Mymouthdropsopen.“Yenyen—”Mybreathcatchesinmythroat.Therearenowordstodescribethisdress.Iknow,inthatmoment,thatthisisit.ThisisTheOne.Thebodiceisswathedinthesoftest,mostdelicatelacethatlookslikeitwassewnbyfairiesusingspidersilk.Theskirtisagorgeousfrothyaffairthatsomehowremainslightenoughformetomovearoundin.Theentirethinghugsmybodyinalltherightplacesandaccentuatesmycurvesinawaythatisatoncesexyandyetconservative.IfeelasthoughI’mwearingacloud.Tearsrushtomyeyes.“It’sperfect,”Iwhisper.
Yenyenwavesmeoff,butit’sobvioushe’sfightingoffahugesmile.“Shallweshowyourfamily?”
Herewego.Deepbreath.Idon’tknowwhatI’lldoiftheysaytheydon’tlikeit.Isteelmyself,tighteningmyhandsintofists.I’llfightforthisdress.I’veacquiescedtotheirnever-endinglaundrylistofcomplaints,despitemanyofthedressesI’vetriedonbeingperfectlyfine.Thisoneisn’tjustperfectlyfine,though.It’sactuallyperfect.AndIwon’tletthemruinitforme.Iwon’t.I—
“Ta-da!”Yenyencriesasheyanksopenthebedroomdoorwithaflourish.
Igritmyteethawaitingthecascadeofcomplaints,buttherearenone.Infact,thereisnobodyaround.ThesofaandchairsarrangedinasemicircleinMa’slivingroomareempty.
“Aduh,”Yenyencries,throwinguphishands.“Yenyencan’tworklikethis.Youknowhowimportantagoodentranceis?Thisisn’tjustadress,it’sanexperience!”
“I’msosorry,Idon’tknowwheretheywent.Maybetothebathroom?”I’mabouttocalloutforthemwhenaflurryoffootstepsthunderdownthehallway
“Meddy?Thatyou?Sudahanya?”Macallsout.
“Yes,sheisdone!”Yenyensnaps.“Pleasetakeyourseatssoyourdaughtercanshowyouherbeautifulweddinggown.”
“Eh,tunggu!Meddy,youcloseyoureyes!”
“What?”Yenyen’sfaceisturningred.Hiswholemomentisbeingruined,poorguy.
“Justgowithit.”Ipathimontheshoulder.
“Unbelievable!”hesnaps,buttakescontrolofhimselfandarrangesmyskirtandtrainsoitcascadesflawlesslyacrossthehardwoodfloor.
“Readyornot,ah?”SecondAuntshouts.
“Yes.”Iclosemyeyes,half-dreadingwhatI’mabouttosee.MaandtherestofmyauntscomeoutofMa’sbedroomgigglinglikeschoolgirls.Butbeforetheygettothelivingroom,Yenyenmutters,“Thisfeelswrong,”andrushesovertothehallwaytoseethem.
HisgaspcanbeheardallthewayoverinSantaMonica.“ThosearenotthedressesYenyenbroughtyou!”
“No,it’sthedressesJonjonbroughtthem,”someoneelsesaysregally.
Okay,noteventhestrongest-willedpersoncankeeptheireyesclosedthroughthis.Icrackoneeyeopenjustasatall,thinmanwrappedinatight-fittingsnakeskinsuitemergesfromthekitchen.
Yenyengaspsagain.“Jonjon.Howdareyou?”
“What’sgoingon?”Isay.
“Hello,nicetomeetyou.I’mJonjon,youmighthaveheardofme?Votedmostavant-gardefashiondesignerinIndonesia?IwasfeaturedinTatlerandVogue?”Heextendsahanddrippingwithvariouschunkyrings.Unsurewhattodo,Ishakeitlimply.“Yourfamilyaskedmetodesigntheirgownsforyourwedding.”
“ButYenyendesignedtheirgowns!”Yenyencries.
Jonjonsnorts.“Thoselumpybrownsacks?Idon’tthinkso.Theseladiesdeservebetter.Readytoseethem?”
“Wait,wait!”Yenyengrabsawoolblanketoffthecouchandthrowsitaroundme.“Okay,whenthetimeisright,throwofftheblanketwithaflourish,ya?”
“Um.Okay.”IhugtheblankettightaroundmeandnodatJonjon.
“Behold!”Jonjonwavesgrandly,tapsonhisphone,andtinnypopmusicplaysasonebyone,myfamilystrutsdownthehallway.
Iturnaround.Andstareinshock-horroratthespectaclebeforeme.
BigAunt,SecondAunt,Ma,andFourthAuntarealldeckedoutinthemostblinged-out,mostaggressivelypurpledressesIhaveeverlaideyeson.Ever.HowdoIdescribetheparticularshadeofpurple?It’slikeifflamingopinkandelectricbluehadababyandthenthatbabysnortedalineofcokeandproceededtopunchyouintheface.ItisaLOTofpurple.Andit’saLOTofdifferentkindsofmaterial.I’mtalkingtaffeta,andembroidery,andsequins,ohgod,somanysequins.Witheverymovemymotherandauntsmake,crystalsandjewelsflashandthreatentoblindme.Andthat’snoteventheworstpart.
“Whatarethosethingsonyourheads?”Myvoicecomesouthushedwithhorror,butFourthAuntmusthavemishearditasawe,becauseshesimpersandfluttersherfakelashesatme.
“Aren’tthesejustgorgeous?”Shepatsthe—thething—onherheadgently.“It’scalledafascinator.Theyareamust-haveforEnglishweddings.We’regoingtofitinsowell.”
“WiththatTHINGonyourhead?Imean,what—I—but—”Isputter.
“Aiya,youhateit!”Mawails.Sheturnstohersisters.“Itellyou,Isay,komododragonisnotgoodchoice,weshouldhavegonewithflamingo!”
Mymouthopensandcloses,butnowordscomeout.Whatdoesonesaywhenfacedwithfourwomenwearingten-inchtallkomododragonsontheirheads?Well,notactualliveones,atleast.Ithink.“They’renotreal,arethey?”Idon’tknowthatI’dbeabletoforgivemyfamilyiftheywere.
Atthis,Jonjonsmilessmugly.“Theylookreal,don’tthey?Iunderstandwhyyou’dthinktheyare,thecraftsmanshipisflawless,isn’tit?”
Again,nowordscome.Thedragonsareinvariouspositions,eachoneweirderthanthelast,butalsosomehowcompatiblewitheachwoman’spersonality.BigAunt’sdragonisstandingonitstwohindlegs,thefrontonesakimbo,likeit’sanAsianauntiewhodisapprovesofyourlifechoices.SecondAunt’sdragonis—ofcourse—stretchedintosomebizarreTaiChipose.Ma’sissittingdown,primlysippingtea.Yes,thereisanactualtinyteacupinitsclaws.AndFourthAunt’sisdoingkaraoke.
IturntoYenyen.Maybehecanplaybadcopformeandshootthiswholeridiculousget-updowninflames.Likeme,he’salsostaringopenmouthedattheirfascinators.HeextendsanarmandtouchesFourthAunt’sdragonasgingerlyasthoughexpectingittocometolifeandtakeachunkoutofhishand.
“Amazing,”hesays.
Isidleovertohimandwhisper,“Don’tyoumean‘ridiculous’?”
HisgazeflicksovertomeandIseebelatedlythattheexpressionhe’swearingisn’tsomuchshockasitiswonderment.“Lookatthecraftsmanship.Thescales,thoseeyes!”
“Youmeanhowtheyfollowyouaroundtheroom?”Ican’thelpbutshudder.
“It’scalledtheMonaLisaeffect,”Yenyensays.
Mymotherandauntspreen.
“Youdorealizehe’scallingthedragonsMonaLisa,notyou,”Ipointout.Andisprobablyapettythingtosay,butreallynow.ThereisnowayinhellIcanletthishappen.Ican’thavethemmeetingNathan’sparentswearingkomodofreakingdragonsontheirheads.
“Okay,yangbenerya.Serioustime,”BigAuntsays,straighteningherbackandsmoothingdownthefrontofherruffledskirt.“Whatyouthink,Meddy?”
Itearmyeyesfromthetopsoftheirheadstoherface,andthat’swhenIrealizeit:BigAuntisnervous.It’sthefirsttimeI’veseenthatvulnerablelookonherface.Well,IguessIhaveseenitoneothertimebefore,andthatwaswhenshehadtomovethebodyofamanI’djustkilled.Thesightofnakedworryandhopeonherfacemakesmychestsqueezepainfully.MyeyesmovefromBigAunttotheothersandfindallofthemwide-eyedwithanticipation.Maiswringingherhands,andSecondAuntlookslikeshe’sonemeancommentawayfromplungingintoaTaiChipose.FourthAuntisstudyinghernails,butnowandagain,shestealsglancesmyway,andIknowthenthatshe’sjustasnervousasthe