intothetide
CottonwoodCove~Book1laurapavlovIntotheTide
CottonwoodCove,Book1
Copyright?2023byLauraPavlov
Allrightsreserved.
Nopartofthisbookmaybereproducedortransmittedinanyformorbyanymeans,electronicormechanical,includingphotocopying,recording,orbyanyinformationstorageandretrievalsystemwithoutthewrittenpermissionoftheauthor,exceptfortheuseofbriefquotationsinabookreview.
Thisisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,places,brands,media,andincidentsareeithertheproductoftheauthor’simaginationorareusedfictitiously.Anyresemblancetoactualpersons,livingordead,events,orlocalesisentirelycoincidental.
LauraPavlov
https://www.laurapavlov.com
CoverDesign:HangLe
CoverPhotography:MadisonMaltby
CreatedwithVellumToanyonewhohaseverfeltliketheyweren’tenough…rememberthatYOUARE!
Bebrave.
Beconfident.
Befearless…
BEUNAPOLOGETICALLYYOU.
Becauseyouareenough.
xo~Lauracontents
Chapter1
Chapter2
Chapter3
Chapter4
Chapter5
Chapter6
Chapter7
Chapter8
Chapter9
Chapter10
Chapter11
Chapter12
Chapter13
Chapter14
Chapter15
Chapter16
Chapter17
Chapter18
Chapter19
Chapter20
Chapter21
Chapter22
Chapter23
Chapter24
Chapter25
Chapter26
Chapter27
Chapter28
Chapter29
Epilogue
Acknowledgments
Keepuponnewreleases
Otherbooksbylaura
FollowmeoneHugh
I’dplantedmyassonastoolatthebaratReynolds’,therestaurantI’dopenedafewmonthsback.Businesswasbooming,andbetweenopeningthisplaceandrunningmyparents’pubanddinerforthem,Iwasexistingonverylittlesleep.Ihadn’texpectedbusinesstobeasbusyasithadbeensincethedaywe’dopenedthedoors.Wewereunderstaffedatthemoment,andIneededhelp.
Thedoorswungopen,andsunlightfloodedthespace,highlightingthemarblebartopandtherusticwoodflooring.Mytwobestfriends,TravisandBrax,walkedin,lettingthedoorfallclosedbehindthem.
“Hey,sorrywe’relate.I’vegotsandwiches.”Travisheldupabagandwalkedtowardme.
“Thanksforpickingthoseup.”Ipushedtomyfeetandmademywayaroundthebartograbuseachadrink.“Youguyswantabeer?”
“Hell,yeah.”Braxpulledupabarstoolandsatdown.Theguywasalwaysdownforagoodtime.
“Nah.I’vegottogobacktowork,soI’lljuststicktowaterfornow.Thosefuckersonthesitecan’tfigureouthowtohammeranailunlessI’mstandingrightoverthem,”Travisgrumped.
Ilaughedandhandedthemtheirdrinks,grabbingaCokeformyself.Traviswasacontractorandwasresponsibleforthemajorityofthenewconstructionintown.He’dworkedonthisrestaurantformonths,andthedudeneverletup.Buthewasagrumpymotherfucker,andmostpeoplepissedhimoff.LuckyformeandBrax,we’dbeenhisbestfriendssincepreschool,soweusuallygotapass.
“Areyousureyouaren’tjustmicromanagingthemagain?”Iraisedabrowandunwrappedmysandwich.
“Right.You’reabitofadickwhenitcomestowork.Areyousurethisisn’tyoubeingacontrolfreak?”Braxasked,overamouthfuloffood.
BraxownedthelargestrealestatecompanyinCottonwoodCove,andhewasaboutasrelaxedasyougetwhenitcomestorunningabusiness.Thesetwowerenightanddaywithhowserioustheytookthings,andIfellsomewhereinbetween.
“Pfft…please.IhavenochoicewheneverytimeIlookover,they’refuckingaround.”Heshookhisheadbeforenarrowinghisgazeatme.“Youlooktired.I’msureyou’rereadyforLilatostarthelpingout.”Travis’slittlesisterwasgoingtobehomeforafewmonths,andshe’dagreedtocomeworkwithmeattherestaurant.
“Yeah.You’regivingmeTrav-vibesoverhere,andIcan’tdealwithtwodamncontrolfreaksinmylife.”Braxreachedforhisbeer.
“Yeah,I’mfuckingdrowning,man.Thetimingcouldn’tbebetterwithhercomingonboard,evenifit’sjusttemporary.”Itookabiteofmyturkeyonryeandshrugged.
Travisstudiedme.“Thisplaceisahugeundertaking,andyou’restilltryingtorunBurgersandBrewsandGarrity’s.Youcan’tbeinthreeplacesatonce,brother.Andyou’retalkingaboutexpandingtothecity?Youneedtofigureouthowtomanageallthisshit.Lila’sbrilliant,sohopefullyshecanhelpyougetthingsfiguredoutandrunningsmoothlyoverthenextfewmonths.”
Hewasright.I’dtakenoverourfamilyrestaurantswhenmyfatherretired,andsinceopeningmyownplace,Iwasstretchedtoothin.
“Ican’tbelieveI’mgoingtosaythis,butIactuallyagree.Andyouknowitkillsmetoagreewiththisone,”Braxsaid,asheflickedhisthumbatTravis.“Butyouneedhelp,oryou’regoingtoburnout.”
“Agreed.AndyouknowIdon’tlikepeopleinmybusiness,butIobviouslytrustSnow,”Isaid,afterIfinishedchewing,referencingthenicknameI’dalwayscalledLila.
Mysiblingswereallbusywiththeirowncareers,andmyyoungestsister,Georgia,wastakingsummerschoolclassesandwouldbegraduatingfromcollegeinDecember.Isureashellwasn’tgoingtoburdenanyofthemwithmyshit.
“Yeah,Ithinkshe’llhelpoutalot,andthenyoucanfigureoutifyouneedtobringonmorepeoplefulltimewhensheleaves.She’lldefinitelygetyourassorganized.”Travisreachedforhischipsandtoreopenthebag.
“Asidefromwork,youlooklikeyou’rewoundawfullytight,soI’mguessingyouhaven’tbeenlaidinabiteither.”Braxbarkedoutalaugh.Thedudewastooloudforhisowngood.And,ofcourse,theassholefoundithilariousthatIwasinabitofarutinthatdepartment.Ihadn’tbeenoutintwomonths,andIslepteveryfreeminutethatIhad,butitstillwasn’tenough.
“Thanksforpointingthatout,dickhead.”
“You’realover,man,soyou’realwaysmoodierwhenyouaren’tgettingfemaleattention.Noshameinneedingarelease,brother.”
“Oh,forfuck’ssake—hegetslaidplenty.That’shardlybeenaproblemforhim.”Travisrolledhiseyes.
“Hey,maybeI’mtiredofthegame.I’mgettingolder.Andnotallofusaresoluckytomarryourfuckinghighschoolsweetheart,”Isaid,shootingTravisalook.
Henoddedoveramouthfuloffoodandreachedforhiswater.“Crymeariver.I’mnotHughfuckingReynolds,CottonwoodCove’sbiggestplayer.”
“Don’tbehumble,youbroodybastard.Itdoesn’tsuityou,”Isaid.
“Please.Thisfuckerdoesn’thaveahumbleboneinhisbody.”Braxsmirked.“StillnotsurewhyShayagreedtomarryyouandcarryyourmoody-assspawn…butIwouldn’tlookagifthorseinthemouth.”
“Youandmeboth,brother,”Travissaid.
“She’sthebest.Don’tfuckitup.”Ireachedformyglassandtookasip.They’djustfoundoutrecentlythatShaywaspregnant,andhewasstillprocessingthefactthathewasgoingtobeafathersoon.“Anyway,SnowwasinherelastnightwithDelilah,Sloane,andRina.Areyoustillpissedaboutherbeingbackhere?”
Travis’sshouldersstiffenedatthementionofhislittlesister’sdecisiontocomebackhomeforafewmonths.Iwouldn’tbringupthefactthatmydickhadalsostiffenedatthesightofherlastnight.She’dalwaysbeengorgeousandsweet,buthell,whensheleftCottonwoodCovefouryearsago,I’dlookedathermorelikeakid.ButLilafuckingJameswasn’takidanymore.She’djustgraduatedfromcollegeandreturnedhome.I’dalwayscalledherSnowforaslongasIcouldremember,becausethegirlhadwatchedSnowWhitemoretimesthananyonekidshould,andherdarkhairandallthatsweetnessmadeitaneasynicknametoholdonto.
Travislovedtheshitoutofhiswife,Shay,butanyonethatknewhimwellknewthathiskryptonitewasLila.They’dbeenthroughashittonatayoungage,andhe’dbeenlookingoutforherourentirelives.Thenumberofdudesthethreeofushadthreatenedonherbehalfovertheyearswascountless.Andwhenshe’dleftforNorthwesterninChicagoonafullcross-countryscholarship,he’dbeenproudashell.ButIknewthatitwastoughforhimhavinghersofaraway,asithadalwaysbeenthetwoofthemagainsttheworld.
“She’srefusingtostaywithmeandShaybecauseshesayswe’renewlywedsandareexpectingourfirstbaby,soshethinkswedeservesomekindofbullshitprivacy.Mydadisafuckingtrainwreck,butthatdoesn’tstopLilafromwantingtofixhim.She’stoofuckingloyal.Toofuckingstubborn.Andtoofuckinggoodtobedealingwithhisshit.I’msureit’sabigadjustment,asshe’sbeenracingandcompetingforsolong,andnowthatpartofherlifeisover.AndasmuchasIwanthertocomebackhome,Idon’twanthertogetsuckedintomydad’sbullshit.Shedeservesbetter.Shedeservesmore.”Heshookhishead.
“Fuck,Trav.You’vegottochillout.She’sagrown-asswoman.IsaythisbecauseIalsoranintoherlastnightwhenIstoppedbytohaveabeerwiththisfucker,”Braxsaid,raisingabrowatmeasifIdidn’tremember.“Shewasjustleaving,anddamn,yourbabysisterhasgrownupintoafinewoman.”Hewhistled,knowingitwouldgetunderTravis’sskin.We’dseenherovertheyearssinceshe’dgoneawaytoschool,andwe’dalwaysgivenhimahardtimeabouthowprettyshewas.
“Fuckyou.Don’tbelookingatLilalikethat.She’sstillyoung.Farfromagrownwoman.”TravisshotBraxawarninglook.“Shegotofferedajobatthatbig,fancycompanysheinternedwiththispastyear.She’ssodamnsmart.TheyagreedtoholdthepositionforheruntilthebeginningofSeptembersoshecouldcomehomeforawhileandmakesureDad’sokay.Themanisn’tgoingtochange,soIdon’tknowwhyshe’sinsistingonputtingherlifeonhold.”
Iunderstoodhisneedtoprotecther,becauseIhadtwosistersthatmybrothersandIwereprotectiveover.Butthiswasdifferent.MysiblingsandIhadtwoparentswhoworriedaboutallofusplenty.ButTraviswasallLilahadunlessyoucountedtheirfather,whohadcheckedoutyearsago.
“Lethercomebackforalittlebit,spendsometimewithyouandShay.Maybeyourdadwillcleanuphisactwhileshe’shere,andthenshe’llheadbacktoChicago.Shesaidthejobiswaitingforher,solethertakeafewmonthsandjustrelax.”
“Jeez,man.Iagree.Thegirlhasworkedherassoff.Whenwewereyounger,Ican’trememberatimethatIsawherwhenshewasn’toutonarunortraining.Ittookhertocollege,whereshespentfouryearsgoingtoclassandracing.Letherhaveabreak.”Braxshookhishead,andIchuckledbecausethedudewasrarelylogical,butthiswasthewisestthinghe’dsaidinawhile.
“Sheseemshappytobehome.She’sprobablyexhausted,”Isaid.
“That’strue.ButIdon’tlikeherlivingatDad’shouse.Herunswithsomeshittypeople,perusual.Idon’twantheraroundallthat,youknow?”Travisballedupthepaperthathadbeenwrappedaroundhissandwichandsetitonthebar.
Iunderstoodhisconcern.We’dalwayslookedoutforher.Therewasafewyearsbetweenusinage,and,attimes,IknewsheresentedthewayTravis,Brax,andItreatedherlikeshewasalittlekid.AndifIwerebeinghonest,Ididn’tparticularlyliketheideaofherstayingatherfather’shouseeither.
“YouknowI’vegotthecasitaatmyplace,soI’llofferittoherwhenshecomesinthisweektotalkaboutthejobandwhatshe’llbedoing.Georgiaplansonmovinginthereaftershegraduates,butthatwon’tbeuntilafterSnowheadsbacktoChicago.”Georgiawasmybabysister,theyoungestofusReynoldskids.Wewereclose,andshehadalreadycalleddibsontheprivateguestsuite,afterIboughttherun-downcabintwoyearsagoandcompletelyrenovatedit.
Hewasnoddingaroundamouthfuloffood.Hisshouldershadcompletelyrelaxed.
“Thanks,brother.Ioweyouoneforthis.”
“ShouldIbeoffendedthatyoudidn’taskmetohireher?Wecanalwaysuseanextrahandattheoffice,andI’llbetthere’dbealotofdudesinCottonwoodCovebuyinghomesifLilawasworkingthere,”Braxsaidashewaggledhisbrowsmischievously.
“Fuckyou,asshole.Notachance.Hughwouldnevercrossthatline,butyouthinkwithyourdicktoomuch.”
IbarkedoutalaughwhenBraxgapedasifhe’djustbeenslappedintheface.
“Hughthinkswithhisdick,too.JustaskToryHopkins.Shedrunk-criedtomelastweekaboutthewayyourockedherworldandthenleftherhighanddry.”Braxfinishedoffthelastpullfromhisbeer.
Ishookmyhead.“Youasshole.Whyareyoueventalkingtoheraboutthat?Wedatedinhighschool,and,ifyourecall,IfoundherunderthebleachersgivingTonyRandallablowie.So,shecanspinthatshithowevershewants,butIdidn’tleaveherhighanddry.IleftherwithTony’sdickinhermouth.It’snotmyproblemthatshestillmissesminealltheseyearslater.”
“AndthisisexactlywhyneitherofyoufuckersareallowednearLila.ButatleastIknowthisoneisloyalashell,andhe’dnevermakethatmistake.You,ontheotherhand…I’mnotsureyouwouldn’tcrossthatline.”
“Fuckoff.HaveIevercrossedtheline?”Braxhelduphishandsasifhewerecompletelyoffended.
“Youdidfuckmyhighschoolgirlfriend,”Travisremindedhim.
“Youwereonabreak!”Braxshouted.“Andnooffense,buteveryonefuckedDonna.Shewasabusygirl.”
“Hughdidn’t,andifyou’llrecall…neitherdidI.”Travistriedtohidehissmile.Itwasanongoingjokebetweenthethreeofus.Donnahadstrunghimalongforayearandahalf,whichwasalifetimeforateenageboy.She’dclaimedshewassavingherselfformarriage.Andthenshe’ddumpedhimandproceededtogetbusywitheveryoneheknew.
Butnotme.
Iwasn’tthatguy.
Ilovedwomen,andIenjoyedsex.Idatedplenty,butIpreferredtokeepthingscasual.Hadn’tfoundanyreasonnottoyet.AndIrespectedbrocodeandtookthatshitseriously.
Braxdid,too.Hejusttalkedabiggame.
“Allright,Ineedtogetbacktotheoffice.”Hegrabbedhiswrapperanddroppeditinthebagbeforepushingtohisfeetandclappingmeontheshoulder.“ThanksforhelpingoutLila.”
“Ofcourse.YouknowI’ddoanythingforher.”
HesalutedmeandBraxbeforemakinghiswayoutthedoor.
“IguessIbettergetbackandmakesureeveryone’sworking.We’rebusierthanusual,”Braxsaid.“So,yousureyoucanhandlehavingLilaworkinghere?”
Histonewasalltease,butIknewwhathewasinsinuating.
“Ofcourse.I’veknownhermyentirelife,andshe’sTravis’ssister.Noproblem.Someofuscancontrolourdicks.”Iraisedabrowandgavehimahardlook.I’dalwayslookedatLilalikealittlesister.Andsure—Iwasn’tblind—shewasfuckinggorgeousnow.
ButunlikeBrax,Iknewwhensomeonewasofflimits.
AndIdidn’tappreciatethewayhewastalkingabouther.
“Yeah,yeah,yeah.Butdamn,shelooksgood,man.Andshe’ssmartandhashershittogether.Itmightnotbeaseasyasyouthink,brother.”Hesmirkedbeforeclappingmeontheshoulder.“ButI’llbeheretotalksomesenseintoyouwhenyouwaver.”
“Nevergoingtohappen.Gettowork,jackass.”
Heraisedhishandoverhisheadandwalkedoutthedoor.
IchuckledaboutthefactthatBraxwasworried.I’dneverhadaproblemcontrollingmyselfaroundwomen.Iwasn’tthatguy.
Thiswouldbeapieceofcake.twoLila
“Hey,girls,”Isaid,asIsatdownatthetableacrossfrommythreebestfriendsI’dgrownupwith.WewerefinallyoldenoughtodrinkatGarrity’sbar,andlastnightwewenttoReynolds’,sowewereproudlyflauntingthefactthatwewerealltwenty-twonowandcouldhitanybarintown.Wehadn’tgonetothesamecolleges,butwe’dstayedintouchandremainedjustascloseovertheyears.
“Ican’tbelievewe’regettingtogethertwodaysinarow,”Sloanesaidasshepointedtothemugofbeerthey’dgottenme.“Drinkup,girl.Weallwalkedhere,sowe’regoodtogo.”
Theplacewasfairlyquiet,nothinglikethecrowdoveratReynolds’lastnight.Itwasanoldergrouphere,alllocals,mostofwhomhadstoppedmeonmywayintosayhello.I’dhuggedeachoneandansweredthefourhundredrapid-firequestionsthey’daskedme.
J.R.,anoldermanI’dknownmyentirelife,camewaltzingovertoourtable.Themanhadapersonalitybiggerthanlife,andI’dalwayslovedseeinghim.Herarelysaidtherightthing,offendedmostpeoplehespoketowithoutrealizingit,andeveryoneintownlovedhimforit.
“Well,lookyhere.Ifthesearen’tthefourbest-lookingheifersI’veeverseen,”hesaid,slappinghishanddownonourtable.HewastallwithgrayhairandagraybeardandhadbeenthetownSantaClausatthewinterfestivaleveryyearforaslongasIcouldremember.
Delgroaned.“J.R.,didyoureallyjustcalluscows?”
“Icalledyouheifers.It’stheultimatecomplimentyoucanpayawoman,”hesaid,raisingabrowatherbeforewinkingatmewhenIsmiledathim.Ithinkheenjoyedrufflingpeople’sfeathers.
“Whotoldyouthat?I’mguessingitwasahighlyintoxicatedman.”Rinachuckled.
“Thereisnotawomanontheplanetwhofindsbeingcalledacowtheultimatecompliment.Luckyforyou,we’renoteasilyoffended,”Sloanesaid,andsheblewhimakissbecauseweadoredthegoofyguy.
“Well,good.Becauseyou’remyfavorites,andI’mhappytoseethisonebackhome.”Heflickedhisthumbatme.“Takecare,ladies.Mywifelooksallhuffyoverthere.Ithinkshe’sgettingjealous,soIneedtogetback.”
Wewavedgoodbyeandlaughedsomemoreabouttheheifercommentwhenhewalkedaway.Seventiesmusicpipedthroughthespeakers,andIboppedmyheadto“Y.M.C.A.”whenthebeatstarted.Garrity’ssmelledlikegarlicandbutteratalltimes.Theyhadalimitedmenuofappetizersandafullbar.
“We’vegotlotsofcatchinguptodo.”Rinaheldupherglassandwaitedforusalltofollow.“CheerstobeingreunitedandtoLilafinallybeingathomeforlongerthanahalfasecond.”
Ismiledandtappedmyglasswiththeirs.“Itwashardtogetawaywithallthetraining,racing,andclasses.I’vebasicallyjustbeensurvivingtheselastfouryears.”
Ialsohadnomoneyforthingslikeplaneticketshomeandtravelbeyondwheremyracestookme.Myfriendsneverhadtoworryaboutthatkindofstuff,andItriednottocomplainaboutthefactthatIdid.MydadhadcomeouttovisitmetwotimesoverthefouryearsI’dbeenatschooltocelebrateChristmaswithme,andTravisusuallycameatleasttwiceayeartovisitandseemyraces.He’dofferedtoflymehomeafewtimes,buthealwayspreferredtocometome.Iknewhethoughtthathewasprotectingmefromourfatherbykeepingmeaway.
ButIdidnotneedprotectingfrommyowndad.
NexttoTravis,myfatherwastheonlyfamilyIreallyhad,unlessyoucountedgrandparentswholivedacrossthecountryandhadneverbeenveryinvolvedinourlives.
“I’msogladIgottobetheretoseeyouwinnationals,”Delbeamed.
DelilahMcCallisterwasthebestfriendI’deverhad.She,Sloane,Rina,Travis,Shay,Hugh,andBraxhadallbeenatthatfinishline,cheeringformeatnationals.I’dwishedmydadcouldhavebeenthere,butIknewbetterthantopushTravisaboutit.Theydidn’tgetalong,andtheyhadn’tforaverylongtime.
Iknewwhentopickmybattles.
MyfatherhadwatchedmeonTV,ashadmostofthepeopleinCottonwoodCove.I’dfeltprettydamngoodtohavetheirsupportwhenIwassofaraway.
“Me,too.Ican’ttellyouhowmuchitmeanttomethatyouwereallthere.”
“Wewouldn’tmissseeingyouflydownthatfinalstretchforanythingintheworld.”Sloanesmiledbeforetakingalongpullfromherbeer.
“IwasonFaceTimewithParker,screamingasyoucamearoundthatfinalcorner,sohecouldwatch,too,”Rinasaid,referringtoherboyfriendwhomshenowlivedwith.
“Tellherwhatyoudid.”Sloaneusedherhandtocoverhermouth,andIlookedbetweenthemtryingtofigureoutwhatIwasmissing.
“SloaneCarpenter!Youpromisedyouwouldn’ttellanyone.”Rinawaslaughingnowandshakingherhead.“SomaybeIgotsoexcitedIpeedmypants.Thatwassuchacloserace.Youcaughtherrightbeforeyoubothcrossedthefinishline.”
Nowallfourofuswerelaughing,andIreachedforherhand.“IthinkIpeedmypantswhenIbasicallyhadtothrowmybodyacrossthefinishline.”
“So,ifwe’rebeingcompletelyhonest…IactuallyshitmypantslastweekinthecarwhenIleftCottonwoodCoveCafé.IswearMrs.Runitherputsomethinginhermacandcheesebecausethatshitrunnethrightthroughme.Nopunintended.”Sloaneshruggedasifthiswerejustcommonsmalltalk.
Thetableeruptedinlaughter.Damn,I’dmissedmygirls.Missedbeinghome.
“Didshegrillyouaboutyoursexlife?”Delilahaskedonceshecomposedherself.“Thatwomanhasnoshame.It’sreallygottenoutofcontrol.”
LorettaRunitherhadbeenbornandraisedinCottonwoodCove.Shewasinhermid-sixties,butitwasimpossibletotellheragebecauseshewasalwaysgettingworkdone.Herbrowshadn’tmovedsincethedayI’dmetherasalittlekid,andherlipswereextremelyplumpedandoverlinedinhersignaturetangerinelipcolor.
“Oh,yes.ShestraightupaskedmehowmanydudesI’vebeenwith.Imean,shedidn’tsaydudes.Shesaid,‘Youkidsaresodifferentthesedays.I’mguessingyougotyourcherrypoppedincollege?’Like,excuseme,butwhothehellaskssomeonethat?She’sgotsomeweirdobsessionwitheveryone’svirginity.AndhowdoessheknowI’mnotavirgin?I’moffendedbothways—one,thatsheisbasicallyslut-shamingmeandtwo,thatshethinksshecanaskawomansomethingsopersonal.I’moffendedforallthefeministsontheplanetandallthevirgins—nooffense,Lila.”
Mymouthfellopen,andIleanedforwardtowhisper.“Keepyourvoicedown.AndI’mnottotallyavirgin,butthankyouforpointingthatout.You’renobetterthanMrs.Runither.”
Sloane’shandhitherchest.“No.You.Didn’t.A.We’rebestfriends.We’reallowedtoaskthisshitaboutoneanother.BYouareavirgin.Youhavenothadsex,andthat,bydefinition,makesyouavirgin.”
“Well,she’sroundedsecondbase,orisitthirdbase?”Rinaasked.
“Oh,God.Pleasestop.”Ishookmyheadandreachedformybeer.“I’mnotagainsthavingsex.It’snotlikeI’mholdingoutformarriageoranything.Ijusthaven’tfeltitwithanyone,youknow?”
“YoudonotneedtoexplainyourselftousortoMrs.Runither,”Delilahsaid,overherlaughter.“You’llknowwhenit’sright.There’snohurry.Plus,Ididn’tthinkJeremywastherightguyforyou.”
“Damn,hewaseasyontheeyes,though.Thinkofthelittlerunningsuperstarbabiesyouwouldhavehadwiththatguy.”Sloaneheldupherhandandorderedusanotherround.IglancedaroundthebarforHugh,butIfiguredhewasworkingatReynolds’tonight.MarcyStevenshadworkedhereforyears,andIassumedshewassortofheadhonchooverherenow.
“Jeremyissuchagreatguy,andIreallytriedtomakethatwork,butIjustdidn’tfeeltheattraction.Itwasmoreofafriendship.Maybesomething’swrongwithme.”Ishrugged.Beingatwenty-two-year-oldvirginhadn’tbeentheplan,buttrustdidn’tcomeeasyforme.AndthefewguysI’ddatedjustdidn’tfeelright.Ithadn’tbeenthewayI’dimagineditshouldbe.UnlessIwasjustbroken,whichwasapossibility.Hell,noonewouldbesurprisedifthatweretrue.I’dsuretriedhardtoprovetoeveryonethatIwasn’t,butattheendoftheday,thebestgrades,anationalcollegiatetitle—noneofthatchangedthewaymostpeopleherelookedatme.
Thesadlookintheireyeswhentheyspokeofmymother.Herlifetakenwaytoosoon.Theempathyaboutthepoorlittlegirlgrowingupwithoutamama.
Thedaughterofadrunk.
ThegossipmillinCottonwoodCovehadbeenrampantaboutthevisitsmyfatherhadreceivedfromChildProtectiveServicesatourhomeovertheyears.
Apparently,TravisandIweresupposedtoendupbeingdeadbeats.
Andwe’dbothdoneprettydamnwellifyouaskedme.
AsidefromthispeskyV-cardthatIwassomewhatdesperatetoloseatthispoint.
“Nothingiswrongwithyou,”Delilahinsisted.Thegirlhadalwaysbeenmybiggestcheerleader.Myrideordie.Thegirlwhowouldkeepyoursecretifherlifedependedonit.
“Ithinkthepressureoflosingyourvirginityistoobuiltupnow.Youneedtohaveaflingyourfirsttime.Nopressure.Noexpectations.You’relookingateveryguyliketheyhavetobeafuturehusband.Justlookatthemandknowtheyhaveadick,andthat’sallthatreallymattersatthispoint.”Sloanelaughedsohard,weallgapedather.
“That’squitepossiblytheworstadviceI’veeverheard,”DelilahsaidasMarcysetdownabasketofgarlicbreadandchickenfingers,andwealldovein.
“Agreed.But,Idothinkthere’ssomethingtowhatshe’ssaying.”Rinaplacedsomefoodonherplateandthoughtoverhernextwordsbeforeshespoke.“Maybeyoudon’thavetolookatthemasjustapenis.However,theflingideaisn’tabadidea.Noexpectations.IthinkyoufeltallkindsofpressurewithJeremybecausehewasallin,andyouthoughtifyoudidthedeed,you’dhavetostaywiththeguy.No,youneedaoneanddone,andthenit’sbehindyou.”
“Youguys,I’mnotafraidofsex,”Isaidovermylaughter.“Iwasn’tlookingatJeremylikeheneededtobehusbandmaterial.Hell,theguywouldmakethebesthusband.He’sloyalandkindandhonestandsweet.IjustfeltnothingwhenIkissedhim,andIhatesayingthat.Itriedforafewmonths,hopingitwasjustnervesorsomething,butitwasn’t.Andhimbeingateammatemadeitevenmoreawkward.IwasactuallymoreattractedtothatguyImadeoutwithmyjunioryear,Carmine.”
“Theonewiththetattoosandthecigarettebreath?”Rinaaskedasshefannedherface.
“Yep.Theoneyouguyspushedonmewhenyoucametovisit,andweallwentout.Imean,Icouldn’tstandhispersonality,buthehadthosedangerousvibes,andatleastIfeltsomethingwhenIkissedhim.”
“Damn,Ibethehadabigschlong.Hekindofradiatedthatbig-dickenergy.”SloanereachedforthebeerMarcyhadjustsetdownandtookasip.
“Youcan’ttellthesizeofaman’spenisbyhisattitude,”Rinasaid,shakingherheadandsmiling.“Nofreakingway.”
“Idisagree.Thereareafewmenwhojusthaveit.Youjustknowthey’repacking,right?”
“Nameone.”Delilahraisedabrowandcrossedherarmsoverherchestasifthewholeconversationwasabsurd.Whichitwas,butIlovedeverysecondofit.
“HughReynolds.MyGod,haveyouseenthehandsonthatman?I’llbetwomentearatthatlonghairwhenthey’reinthethroesofpassionwiththatsexygod.”
Rinaspewedbeeracrossthetableandstartedcoughingprofusely.Ipattedherontheback,butwewerealllaughingsohard,itwaschallengingtobeofhelptoher.
“I’mnotevengoingtoarguewiththatone.Sorry,Lila.Iknowhe’syourbrother’sbestfriend,butthere’snowayshe’swrongabouthim.”Rinawipedhermouthwithanapkinbeforecleaningupthebeeronthetableandleaninginclosetowhisper.“YouknowhowhedatedKaraWhootersforashorttime?”
“Yes.”Iraisedabrow,wonderingwherethiswasgoing.
“Shesaidhegaveherthreeorgasmsinonenight.Three.Ummm,haveanyofyoueverexperiencedthat?”
“Holyshitballs.Boomerneedstouphisgame.”Sloanerubbedherhandstogether.
“Well,Idon’tknowhowtoevenrespondtothisbreakingnews.ButIdohaveameetingwithhimtomorrowaboutthejobheofferedme.”Ishrugged.
“That’swhoyoushouldhavesexwith,”Sloanesaidtooloudly,andwealllookedaroundtomakesurenoonewaslistening,andIshotherawarninglook.“What?Itcouldbeajobperk.He’sexperiencedandobviouslyagreatlover.Themanjustknowshowtopleasehiswomen.IswearIorgasmedwhenheaskedmehowmybeerwaslastnight.Thatvoice.Thosehands.ThatfreakinghotJesushair.Iamhereforallofit.”
“DoesBoomerknowthatyou’veputthismuchthoughtintothewayHughReynoldspleaseshiswomen?”Delilahasked,becauseSloaneandBoomerhadbeendatingsincehighschool.
“Please.Boomerdoesn’tworryaboutthat.Notwithallthesexwe’rehavingsincewemovedintogether.Butthere’snoshameinlooking,aslongasyoudon’ttouch,right?Andyoucouldmakethishappenwhileyou’rehere.”
“Whatifyoumadealistofallthethingsyouwanttodowhileyou’rehome?Youknow,likeabucketlist.YouhavethisotherlifeoutinChicagowhereyou’rethissuperstarrunnerandabig-timebusinesswoman,butyou’rehereforafewmonths.Youcandoallthethingsyouwantwhileyou’resortofonthisbreakfromyourregularlife.LikegirlsgonewildonspringbreakinMiamiBeach,thisissummerbreakinCottonwoodCove,Lila-style.Findaguytohaveaflingwithandknockitrightoffthelist,”RinasaidasshesmiledatSloane,andtheynoddedlikethiswasageniusplan.
“ForGod’ssake,youtwo.It’snotagrocerylist;it’shervirginity.It’snotsomethingyoucheckoffalist.”Delilahwasalwaysthevoiceofreason.
“YoulostyourV-cardtoScottyManchester.Hehadchronictunabreath.Ithinkthatwassomethingyoucheckedoffalist,”Rinasaidwithasmirk.
“Youknow,somepeoplethinkthathistunabreathisbecauseoleScotty-boylikestoheaddownsouthmorethanyouraverageman.”Sloanewaggledherbrowsbeforeholdingupherhandforanotherround.
“Iassureyou,thatisnotthereasonforScotty’stunabreath.”Delilahraisedabrow,andwealllostitagain.Ipolishedoffmybeeraroundafitoflaughter.Itfeltgoodtobeherewiththem,havingagreattimejustlikewealwaysdid.Ididn’thavetoworryaboutpracticethenextday,orracing,ormidtermsorfinals.Ididn’thavetoworryaboutmakingsureIsecuredajobformyfuture.Ifeltlikejustanormalpersonforthefirsttimeinmylife,ifIwerebeinghonestwithmyself.Iwasn’tdrivingtowardsomeepicdreamortryingtoaccomplishsomethingthateveryonethoughtwouldbeimpossible.
Unlessyoucountedlosingmyvirginity,whichhadapparentlybecometheimpossibledream.
I’dplannedtoloseitafewdifferenttimes,butitjusthadn’thappened
Wespenttherestofthenightcarryingonlikefools,drinkingfartoomuch,andIsleptatDel’splace.Shelivedwithhersister,Jory,andwe’dtiptoedinwaytoolate.Butitfeltlikeoldtimes,havingsleepoversandlaughingwithmyfriends.
ItwasexactlywhatIneeded.
***
Thenextmorning,myheadpoundedasIwalkedtoReynolds’BarandGrill.I’dhurriedhomeandtakenaquickshowerandpulledmyselftogether.Ihadn’teverbeenhungoverbecauseI’dalwaysbeentoobusytoallowmyselftofeellikecrapthenextday.Ihadalwaysbeenveryconsistentaboutmyworkethic,soIwasembracingmyinnerrebelasIpulledopenthedoor.
“Bear?”Icalledout,becauseIdidn’tseeanyoneinthebararea.I’dcalledhimthatsincewewerekids.He’dcalledmeSnow,andI’dcalledhimPoohBear,buthe’dinsistedIdropthePoohwhenwegotolder.IstilllaughedwhenIthoughtaboutthewayhe’dtriedtogentlyaskmetojustuseBearbecausehedidn’twanttohurtmyfeelings.
HughReynoldswasahugemanwithabigpersonality,whowomenhadchasedforaslongasIcouldremember—buttome,he’djustbeenBear.Charmingandprotectiveandkind.Sure,I’dgottenmadathimandTravandBraxmoretimesthanIcouldcountforrunningoffanyboywhotriedtotalktomewhenIwasinhighschool.Iprobablyhadthosethreetoblameformycurrentsituation,althoughtheyhadn’tfollowedmeouttocollege,soIguessthatwasonme.
Hecamearoundthecorner,carryingalargeboxinhisbigarms.Icouldn’thelpbutzoneinonhishandsnowthatSloanehadmentionedthem.
MyGod,thoseweresomegianthands.
Hesettheboxonthebarandreachedupforthebrimofhisnavybaseballcap,spinningitaroundinonequickmovement.ThemanmanagedtomaketurningacaparoundonhisheadlooklikethesexiestthingI’deverseen.
“Theresheis.IheardyouwereoutgettingintotroubleatGarrity’slastnight.”Hesmirked.
Dark,thickhairthatstoppedathisshouldersandsage-greeneyesframedbylong,blacklashes.HehadmorefacialhairnowthanhedidafewyearsagowhenIleftforschool,anditworkedforhim.I’dalwaysknownHughwasbeautiful,butitwasmorethanjustphysical.Hewassmartandloyalandfunny,andpeoplehadalwaysbeendrawntohim.I’dbeenmoreofasit-back-and-observekindofgal,andI’dadmiredthewayheownedeveryroomheentered.
“ThegossipmillisstillrampantinCottonwoodCove,Isee.”Iraisedabrowandmovedtowardhimashewrappedhisarmsaroundme.
Hesmelledlikeleatherandcedarandsexyman.
Wasthatathing?
Noonehadeversmelledsexytome,butitdidn’tsurprisemethatHughdid.
AndIprobablyreekedofday-aftertequilaandnachos.
Hepulledbackandsmiled.“Comeon.Takeaseatandfillmein.WhatcanIgetyoutodrink?Iheardyou’reatequilagirlnow.”
Hemadehiswayaroundthebar,andIsatonthestoolanddroppedmypurseontothemarblebartop.
“Pleasedon’tsaythatword,”IsaidasIrubbedmytemples.“Awaterwouldbegreat.HowdoyouknowwhatIwasdrinking?”
“IstoppedbytohelpclosedownGarrity’slastnight,andMarcysaidyouallhadjustleftandthatyouwerehavingagoodtime.Ithinkthat’sgoodforyou,Snow.Youdeservetocutlooseforonceinyourlife.”Heslidthewatertowardmeandthenunbuttonedthecuffsofhiswhitebuttonupandrolledthemupafewtimes,exposingtheinkedmuscleonhisforearmsasheleanedforward.Hisveinsbulgedagainsthistannedskin,andthemovewassosexythatIsqueezedmythighstogetherinresponse.
Hello,hormones.
Whatthehellwasthatabout?
Themanshowsmehisforearmsandmybodyfinallyreactsforthefirsttimeever?
Itmustbetheremnantsoftequilaleftoverinmybody.
I’mguessingboozeandsexyboysgotogether—maybethat’swhereI’dgonewrong.
Allworkandnoplayhadlandedmewithacollegedegreeandnolifeexperience.
“Ithinkyou’rerightaboutthat,Bear.Timetolivealittle,huh?”
“Ithinkthat’sagoodthing.Istillcan’tgetoverseeingyouwinthatnationaltitle,”hesaid,asthecornersofhismouthtwitched,andhesmiled.HadIeverpaidthismuchattentiontoaman’smovementsbefore?
“Istillcan’tbelieveyouallcameformyfinalrace.”Ishrugged.
“Damnstraight.Ifollowedyourcareerprettyclosely.Lookingupallyourresultsonlineandwatchingyoukickassovertheyears,”hesaid.“It’samazing.Youdeserveitall.Howdoyoufeelbeingbackhere?”
“Asidefrommybrotherhavingatempertantrumaboutit,itfeelsreallygoodtobehome.”
“He’sworriedaboutyoubeingpulledintoyourdad’smess.It’sfair,right?”
God.WhydidHughhavetobesological?
“Mydad’snotperfect,buthe’shuman.We’reallflawed,aren’twe?Idon’tknowwhyTravcan’tevergivehimapass.”
Hugh’stonguedippedout,slidingalonghisbottomlip,andhetuckedhishairbehindhisear.Isuckedinabreathandhadthesuddendesiretorunmyfingersthroughhishair.
“Youstillwanttosavetheworld,huh,Snow?”
“I’dbefinejustsavingmyfather.”
Hestudiedmeforalongminutebeforehenodded.“Igetthat.So,you’llspendthesummerhereandthenheadbacktothatbig-timejobyou’vegotwaitingforyou.”
Traviswassodeterminedformetoleave.ButIlikedbeinghome.I’dmissedit.
“That’stheplan.Thanksforofferingmeajob.So,whencanIstart?”
“Ofcourse.Imean,you’reslightlyoverqualified,butIcouldusethehelp.MaybeyoucanfigureouthowtogetthingsrunningsmootherbecauseI’mfuckingtired.”
“There’snowhereelseI’dratherbe.”Whywasmyvoiceallhuskyandbreathy?
Thankyou,hangover,formakingmesoundlikeacatinheat.
Hesmiled.“Well,good.BecauseIneedyou,Snow.”
Oh,yeah.Thismandefinitelygaveawomanthreeorgasmsinonenight.
Nodoubtaboutit.
“Good.BecauseI’mallyours.”
What?Didthatsoundasinappropriatealoudasitsoundedinmyhead?
I’dbeenhomefortwodays,andmydadseemedhappytohavemehere.
Ihadajobandasexy-as-sinboss.
Obviously,nothingcouldeverhappenwithhim.
ItwasHughReynolds,forGod’ssake.
Butthatdidn’tmeanIwouldn’tenjoyspendingmyworkinghourswithhim.
ThingswerelookingupinCottonwoodCove.threeHugh
“How’sitgoinginhere?”Iasked,asIcamearoundthecornerandpausedinmyofficedoorway.Lilahadbeenworkinghereforaweek,andshe’dalreadyeasedmyworkloadtremendously.Shewasanumbersgirl.So,shewasgoingthroughallthebookstoseewhereIneededtoincreaseanddecreasemyspending.Iwasmoreofapeopleguy.Ienjoyedthecustomersandtheemployees.Thecreativepart.Thebooks,themoney—I’dneverbeengreatatthatendofthebusiness.
“Youcandefinitelyaffordtobringonmorehelpandcutbackyourhours.It’sSunday,andyoushouldhaveatleastonedayoffaweek.”Sheraisedabrow,andherdarkgazelockedwithmine,andIswearmydickrespondedlikeshewasdirectlylookingathim.Herlong,brownhairfellinwavesdownhershoulders,andaspeckleoffreckleswasscatteredaroundhernose.Ididn’tknowwhenLilaJamesgrewintothesexiestwomanI’deverseen,butshehad.Andthatdidnotsitwellwithme.ShewasTravis’slittlesisterforstarters.Completelyofflimits.Shewasn’tstickingaroundforlong.AndI’dneverbeengreatattherelationshipgameanyway.Iwasselfish.Iworkedalot,andwhenIwasn’tworking,IlikedtodowhatIwantedtodo.Takeouttheboatinthesummersandskiinthewinters.
So,Ikeptmyattachmentslightanddramafree.Dinnerwithagorgeouswoman,followedbyaroundofgoodsex—thatwasmoremystyle.LookingatLilaasanythingmorethanafriendwouldbeanassholemove.Shewasinnocentandsweetandfartoosmartformydumbass.Itwasjustanattraction,nothingmore.Ipridedmyselfonself-control,soI’dreinitin.
Startingrightnow.
“Well,you’rehereonaSunday.Itoldyoutotakethedayoff.”Imovedinsideandsatinthechairacrossfromher.
“Ijustwantedtofinishgoingthroughthismonth’sexpensesandgetyouallcaughtup.Dadhadachurchmeetingandadinnerafterward,sohe’sbusytoday.”Sheturnedawayfromthelargemonitoronmydeskandsetthecalculatorasidebeforeleaningbackinmydeskchair.
IinternallycalledbullshitonTateJames.
Themanwasdefinitelynotatchurchtoday.Hehadamassivedrinkingandprescriptiondrugproblem,andeveryonehereknewit.Travishadallbutcuttieswiththeman,butLilawasadifferentstory.Ableedingheartwho’dalwaysseenthebestinpeople.
Iadmiredit,butIdidn’tagreewithit.
Iwasn’tascutanddryasTraviswas,butIalsoknewwhentowalkawayfrompeople.Tatewasatrainwreckandalwayshadbeen.He’dfuckedupmoretimesthananymanshouldbeallowedto.He’dalwayspullhisshittogetherforashorttimeandthengoofftherailsagain.ItwasapatternthatrepeateditselfoverandoverforaslongasI’dknownthem,whichhadbeenmostofmylife.
ThingshadgottenworsewhenLilaleftforcollege.Travistriedtoprotectherandkeepheraway,butTatehadrecentlybeenhospitalizedtwiceforliverdiseaseamongstotherhealthissues,likelyduetohislifestyle,andhe’dsaidwhatheneededtosaytogetLilabackhereforthesummer.
“Yeah?How’shedoing?You’vebeenstayingthereforaweek.Iseverythingokay?”Iasked.I’dofferedhermycasita,butshe’dwantedtobeclosetoherfather,andshe’dalsosaidsomethingaboutnotneedinganyhandouts.Shewastooproudforherowndamngood
“He’sdoingwell,Bear.Iknownoonethinksheis,butIhaven’tseenhimtakeasipofalcoholsinceI’vebeenhome,andIwentthroughallhismeds,andhe’sonlytakingthemedicationthathewasprescribedfromthehospital.”Tate’sdrugofchoicehadalwaysbeenprescriptionssincehe’dhurthisbackyearsagowhenhiskidswereyoung,soshewasclearlyworriedthathe’dhaveaslipupnow.Lilawasn’twillingtoadmitthathe’dneverreallystayedcleanlongenoughtoevencallitaslipup.“Ithinkgettingsicksomuchandfindingouthisliverisn’tingreatshapereallyscaredhim.Itwasthewake-upcallheneeded.”Shesmiledlikeshecouldn’tcontainherpride,andmychestsqueezed.
Hiswake-upcallshouldhavebeenleavinghisyoungkidsinacarwhilehewasbarhoppingallthoseyearsago,orthefactthathe’dneglectedhisyoungdaughtersobadlythatshe’dendeduphospitalizedfortwoweekswithpneumoniawhenshewasonlysevenyearsold.Tatehadbeentoofargonetospendhisdayswithherinthehospital,butherbrotherhadbeenthereeveryday.CPShadbeennotifiedbythehospitalthatthereweresignsofneglect,whichwasthereasonTravisandLilahadbeenputintothesystemandwereseparatedfromoneanotherforabrieftime.Lilajustneverwantedtoseeanyofit,whileTraviscouldn’tforgetasingledetail.
Igrazedmyhandoverthescruffpepperingmychin.Iwouldn’ttakethismomentfromher,evenifIknewitwasn’twhatshehopeditwas.“Well,that’sgreatthathe’stakingcareofhimself.SohowaboutyoucomewithmetoSundaydinnerwiththefamily?I’mheadingoverthere,andeveryone’shome,whichdoesn’thappenoften,andthey’dlovetoseeyou.”
Shebitdownonherplumpbottomlipandthoughtitover.“Areyousure?Idon’twanttointrude.”
“Areyoukidding?Theyallwatchedyouraceatnationals.Youwereblowingupthefamilygroupchat.They’dlovetoseeyou.Mymomkeepsaskingwhenyou’regoingtocomeby.Comeon.You’lleatagooddinner,andeveryonewillfawnalloveryou.Let’sgo.”
“Ialwaysdidloveyourmama’scooking.RememberwhenshespentanentireSaturdayteachingmehowtocookwhenIwasmaybefifteenyearsold,andI’dcomplainedabouteatingmacandcheeseeveryday?”Shelaughed,butIdidn’tfinditfunny.ThelackofcarethatsheandTravisreceivedfromtheirfathermostoftheirliveswasn’tsomethingIcouldpretenddidn’thappen.Thewaymybestfriendhadbeenforcedtogrowupsoquickly,doingeverythinghecouldtoprotectLila.Shepushedtoherfeetandcamearoundthedesk,andIfollowedhertowardthedoor.
“Idorememberthat,becauseTravandIgottosampleallthedishesyouguysmade.Itwasnotabaddealforus,”Isaid,asmyhandfoundherlowerback.Wemadeourwaythroughtherestaurant,andIguidedhertowardtheexit.Theplacewasgoingoff,perusual,butbetweenDanielle,who’dbeenwaitressingformesinceweopenedthedoorshere,andKline,whowasmyleadbartender,theyhadithandled.They’dagreedtocloseuponSundaysforme.Istillcameinforafewhours,butitwouldbenicetogotodinnerandnothavetocomebackhereandcloseupatleastonenightaweek.
IheldupmyhandtoKlinetolethimknowIwasleavingaswewalkedbythebar.
“Haveagoodnight,boss.YoutakingLilawithyou?”hesaidasheleanedoverthebartospeaktous.
“Yep.Familydinnertonight,”Isaid,watchingashisgazemovedtoLila,andheliterallyperusedherbodywithnoshameatall.
Thefucker.
Sticktopouringcocktails,dickhead
Klinewasagreatemployee,butwouldIwanthimdatingmysisters?Hell,no.
Lilawasincludedinthatmix.I’dalwaysfeltprotectiveoverher.
“Damn.Iwasgoingtoseeifyouwantedtograbadrinkwithmeafterworktonight,Lila.”Hewaggledhisbrowsather,andIfoughttheurgetopullhimoverthebarandshovethebottlehewasholdinguphisass.
“Hey,howaboutyougetbacktothecustomersandstopharassingtheemployees?”Igrowled,catchingKlinecompletelyoffguard.
“Sorry,brother.Justofferingaprettyladyadrink.Imeantnooffense.”Hehelduphishandsandraisedabrowasifhewereconfusedbymyreaction.
Ishouldfeellikeadick,butIdidn’t.
“You’refine.He’soverreacting,asusual.”LilashotmealookandthenturnedbacktoKline.“Howabouttomorrownight?”
Whatthefuck?
Klinesmiled.“Yeah,sure.Thatwouldbegreat.”
“We’regoingtobelate.Let’sgo.”Iplacedmyhandonherelbowandledhertowardthedoor.
“Youleaving?”Brandyasked.She’dbeenourhostesshereforthelastfewmonths,andthegirlwasnosyasfuckforaseventeen-year-oldwhoshouldbemoreinterestedinwhatherfriendsweredoingthanwhatIwasdoing.Iwasn’tinthemoodfortheinquisitionthatalwayscamewhenIsawher,soItriedtomakeafastdashoutthedoor.
“Yes.Familydinner.Kline’slockingup.”
“Areyougoingtofamilydinner,aswell,Lila?”sheaskedwhenwewereonestepoutthedoor.
“Yes.Iam.”Lilapausedtolookatherwithconfusion.“Whydoyouask?”
“Ijust,well,Iknowyou’vebeengoneforawhile.AndIjustdidn’tknowyouwerestillsofriendlywiththefamily.”
Whatthefuckwashappeninghere?BetweenKlineandBrandy,Iwasgettingagitated,whichwasnotthenormforme.
“She’salwaysbeenafamilyfriend.Noexplanationneeded.”Ishotherawarninglookthatbasicallysaidtostepthefuckoff,andhereyeswidened.
Ipushedopenthedoor,andwemadeourwayoutside,andIledhertomytruck.Ilovedtheweatherthistimeofyear.Itwaswarmerinthedaybutcooleratnightdownbythewater.Reynolds’wasonlyablockfromthecove,sotheoceanbreezeswirledaroundus.
Ituggedopenthedoor,climbingin,andIreachedfortheseatbeltandpulleditacrossherbody.
“Whatareyoudoing,Bear?Icanbucklemyownseatbelt.”Sheshookherheadandchuckled.
“Oldhabitsdiehard,Snow,”IsaidasIclampeditintothemetalbracketbesideherbeforeshuttingherdoorandmakingmywaytothedriver’sside.
LilafellforwardandstartedlaughingonceIpulledoutoftheparkinglot.Herhandswereonherknees,andshefinallylookedupatme.
“What’ssofuckingfunny?”Iasked,stillirritatedthatmyowndamnemployeesharassedusonourwayoutthedoor.
“Well,firstoff,”shesaid,sittingbackupright.“I’magrownwoman,andIdon’tneedyoubucklingmyseatbeltorbitingoffKline’sheadforaskingmetohaveadrink.”
“He’safuckingplayer,Snow.Idon’twantyougettingmixedupinthat.”
“YoudoknowI’vebeenlivingonmyownforthelastfouryears,right?IamverycapableofdecidingwhatandwhoIwant.”
Nowitwasmyturntoshootheralook.“Isthatright?AndyouthinkyouwantKlinefuckingBarley?”
“I’mnotsayingthatIdo.I’mjustsayingthatIcanspeakformyself.Andsincewhendoyouhatetheguysomuch?He’syourheadbartender.”
“Idon’thateKline.He’sagreatfuckingbartender.Ijustdon’tlikehimforyou.”
“ThelastthingIneedyoudoingisdecidingwhoyoulikeordon’tlikeforme.SamewithTravisandBrax.I’mnotakidanymore.”
Inodded.“Iknow.IjustwantyoutotreadcarefullywithKline.He’sagoodemployee,andifhehurtyou,I’dbeforcedtofirehimandthenI’dhavetokillhim.Andthatjustgetsmessy.”
Herheadfellbackinlaughteragain,andsheglancedoverandsmiledatme.“Shallwetalkaboutthegirlwhoisbarelyoldenoughtohaveadriver’slicenseandwantstoclawmyeyesouteverytimeI’maroundyou?”
“FuckingBrandy.HerdadisCoachBenson,andhewasmybaseballcoach.Hecalledinafavortogetherthejob,butshe’sanosylittlething,right?”
“Umm…nosyisn’texactlywhatIwouldusetodescribeher.I’dsayshe’sdevelopedquitethecrushonyou,Bear.”Shecoveredhermouthwithherhandtomuffleherlaughter.“Youalwayshadawaywiththeladies,andthatobviouslyhasn’tchanged.Thelonghair,thescruff,itonlyaddstotheappeal.”
Mydickstrainedagainstmyzipper,andIadjustedmyselfasslylyasIcould.Forwhateverreason,gettingpraisefromLila,andthewayhergazescannedovermebeforequicklyturningaway,hadthebigguystandingatattention.
“Youlikethehairandthescruff,Snow?”Isaid,andapinkhueclimbedherneckandcoveredhercheek.
Ishouldn’thavesaidit.Iwasplayingwithfuckingfire.
“Doesn’teveryone?”shepurred.
Damn.Iwasgoingtoneedacold-assshowertonight.
“I’mnotsureaboutthat.So,what’syourstory?Yourbrothersaidyouweredatingsomeguywhowasonyourcross-countryteam.Jeremy?Isthatstillathing?”Weturnedthecorner,asmyparentslivedjustafewblocksawayfromdowntown,andIpulledintothedrivewayoftheranchhousewhereI’dgrownup.
“Nope.I’msingleandreadytomingle,”shesaidandnervouslywavedherhandsaroundasshelaughed.
“You’refuckingcuteashell,Snow.”IroughedahandoverherhairafterIturnedofftheengine.“Butbeonguardwithmybrother.GodknowsFinnwillbehittingonyouifyoulethim.Cageistoouptighttotryitwhenhe’swithGracie.”
“Stopworrying,Dad.”Shesmirkedaswebothclimbedoutofthetruck.“Icanhandlemyself.I’msoexcitedtoseeGracie.Ihaven’tseenherinalongtime.Cageisstilldoingthesingle-dadthing?”
“Heis.Andhe’sdamngoodatit.Weallhelpwhenwecan.She’sthefuckingcutestkidontheplanet.”Ireachedfortheknobandheldthefrontdooropen,andshesteppedinside.
“Wow,they’vedonesomerenovations,”shesaid,spinningaroundtotakeitallin.
“Yeah,youknowmymomandherhousedecoratingskills.She’salwaysmakingchangesandredoingthings.”Iclosedthedoor,andthechattercomingfromthekitchenwasloud,perusual.
“Hello?”Ishouted,myhandgrazingLila’s.Iglancedovertoseeshelookedalittlenervous,andmyfingerwrappedaroundherpinkyinstinctually,tocomforther.
“Yougood?”Ileaneddown,myforeheadalmosttouchinghersasIassessedher.
“Ofcourse.Ijusthaven’tseeneveryoneinawhile.IhopeI’mnotunderdressed.”Sheshrugged.
“You’reperfect.”Asthewordsleftmymouth,Isawablurinmyperipheral,andmybabysister,Georgia,camechargingtowardmelikeafast-movingtrain.MyhandmovedfromLila’sasIbracedforimpact.Georgiawasafirecrackeratalltimes,andwe’dalwaysbeenclose.Shewrappedherarmsaroundmeandhuggedmetight.“ThankGod,you’rehere.Thereareallsortsof‘whatareyourplansforthefuture’talksgoingon,andIcan’thandleit.And,ohmygosh,isthatLila?”Mysistersquealedandshovedawayfrommebeforebarrelingintothewomanbesideme.They’dgrownuptogether,beinginthesamegradetheirentirelives.
“Hi,Georgia.It’ssogoodtoseeyou.”Theyheldhandsaftertheybrokeawayfromtheirhugandbeamedatoneanother.
“Lookatyou.Youwerealwaysgorgeous,butholyshitballs,youhaveblossomed,myfriend,”mysistersaidoverafitofgiggles.IglanceddownathertrademarkDocMartens,jeanshorts,andatanktopthathungoffhershoulder,whichIwascertainmymotherhadalreadynaggedherabout.
“Well,thankyou.You’relookingstunningyourself.Iseeyoukeptyourhipsterstyle.YoumayneedtogivemesomefashiontipswhileI’mhome,becauseIneedtofreshenthingsup,”Lilasaid,hervoiceteasing.
Shedidn’tneedtofreshenupanything.
Shewasfuckinggorgeous.
“Okay,let’sletLilabreathe,allright?”Isaid,wrappinganarmaroundmybabysisterandplacingahandonthesmallofLila’sback,leadingthemintothekitchen.
Thewholeroomeruptedwhenwewalkedin,andeveryonetookturnshuggingLilaandwelcomingherintothefold.Thatwasmyfamily.AndIwouldn’tchangeadamnthing.
Theseweremypeople.
Wefoughthard,andwelovedharder.
“UncleHughey.Hugs.”Graciemovedinfrontofme.Thelittlenuggetwastoocuteforherowngood.Sheheldupherhands,waitingformetoscoopheruplikeIalwaysdid.Hell,Iusedtoholdherinthepalmofonehandwhenshewasababy.Nowshewasfouryearsoldandthesmartestlittlegirlontheplanet.
Iliftedherintotheair,settlingherneckagainstmyscruffandticklingher.Sheclappedherhandsandbrokeoutintoafitofgiggles.Ipulledherclosetome,andherlittleheadsettledonmyshoulderasIturnedtowardLila.
“DoyourememberLila?She’sUncleTrav’ssister,”Isaid.
“Hi,Gracie.Ihaven’tseenyouinalongtime.You’resobignow,andyou’resopretty.”
“You’repretty.”MyniecereachedherarmsoutforLila,whoscoopedherrightup.EveryonelaughedandgawkedatmebecauseGraciealwayswantedme,nomatterwhowewerewith,andthesefuckersweregreenwithenvy.
“Iseehowitis,Graciegirl.You’rejumpingshiponUncleHughey?”IgraspedmyheartlikeIwaswounded,andshelaughedsomemorebeforeturningherattentionbacktoLilaandpettingherhairandsmilingatherlikeshewasthemostbeautifulthingshe’deverseen.
Trustme,Iunderstoodit.
Graciewasn’ttheonlyonegapingatmybestfriend’slittlesister.fourLila
TosaythattheReynolds’housewaslikesomethingoutofamovie,wouldbeanunderstatement.Theywerebetterthanamovie.Fiverockstarchildrenwithhugepersonalitiesandparentswhowerejustasamazing.
Wewereseatedattheenormousfarmhousetablethey’dhadsinceIwasakid.Therewasfoodanddrinksandlaughter.Everyonetalkedatthesametime,butsomehow,theywereallabletokeepup.Ithadalwaysbeenthiswaywhenweweregrowingup.
Thiswasthefamilyeveryonewantedtobeborninto.
TheKennedysofCottonwoodCove.
Theywereallgorgeousandsmartandfunny.
Confidentandcool.
AndI’dbelyingifIdidn’tadmitthatI’ddaydreamedmorethanoncewhenIwasakidaboutwhatitwouldbeliketohaveafamilylikethis.
Cagewastheoldest,andhe’dalwaysbeenabitbroodierthantherest.Alittlemoreseriousthanhissiblings.He’dbeenraisingGracieonhisownsincehe’dhadaone-nightstandwithsomesupermodelinLosAngeles,wherehe’dbeenattendingvetschool.Thewomandidn’twanttokeepthebaby,andCageagreedtoraiseheronhisown.He’dmovedbacktoCottonwoodCovetohavethesupportofhisfamily,anditwaseasytoseehowmuchtheyalladoredhislittlegirl.
Chocolateeyesthesizeofsaucersandtwolittlelightbrownbunsontopofherheadthatwereburstingwithcurls.Shewasadorable,andIdidn’tmissthewayshe’dmovedontoHugh’slapwhenwesatdowntoeat.
Finnwasnextinline,andhe’dbeenworkingasanactorsincehe’dgraduatedfromcollege.He’dbeenthestarofasoapoperathelastfewyears,butapparently,he’dbeencastinsomeupcomingNetflixproductionthatwasbeingfilmedattheoldScottRanchnotfarfromCottonwoodCove.Everyoneintownwasthrilledaboutit,andhavingalocalguywho’dgrownupherestarringinit,madeitevenmoreamazing.Itsoundedkindoflikeatwistonmyfavoriteshow,Yellowstone,andhisfamilywastalkingaboutthisbeinghisbreakoutrole.
“Yeah,I’mnotholdingmybreath.We’llseehowitgoes.Sometimestheydon’tmakeitthewholewaythroughproduction,soI’mtakingitonedayatatime.”Finnshruggedandthenwinkedatme,whichearnedhimagrowlfromHugh.Thetableeruptedinlaughterastheywerealwaysgivingoneanotherahardtime.
“Itwasawink.Takeitdownanotch,bigguy,”Finnsaidwithasmirkonhisface.
“Yeah.Italwaysstartswithawink.”HughforkedacarrotandhelditupforGracietotakeabite.Myovariesnearlyexplodedatthesightofthisbigbearofamanholdingthislittleangelonhislapandfeedingherlikeitwasnothingoutofthenorm.
“Georgia,wouldyoupleasedosomethingaboutyourshirt?YouknowhowIfeelaboutbrashangingoutatthetable,”Alanasaid,whichmadeeveryonechuckleagain.
“It’snotevenreallyabra,Mom,”Georgiagroaned.“It’smoreofafashionstatement.Imean,whenyou’rethepresidentoftheItty-BittyTittyCommittee,youdon’tneedthesupport.Butalittleblacklacecanaddalittlesomething-somethingtoawhitetanktop,youknow?”
“What’satitty?”GracietippedherheadbacktolookatHugh,andCagehissedsomethingunderhisbreath.
“Ah,fabulousquestion.Whatisatitty,Georgia?”Hughasked,withawickedgrinonhisface.
“Canwepleasenotsaytittyaroundmydaughter?”Cagegrumped.
“Why?Morethanhalfofthepeopleatthistablehavethem,”Brinkleysaidoverherlaughter.Shewasthesecondyoungestinthefamily.Hughwasthemiddlechild,andheappearedtobeclosetoeverysingleoneofhissiblings.They’dalwaysbeenatightfamily.
Brinkleywasasportsjournalist,wholivedinSanFrancisco,whichwasatwo-hourdrivefromhere.
“DoIhaveatitty?”Gracieaskedinthesweetestvoice,stilllookingupatHughlikehesetthesun.Alanagasped.Herhusband,Bradford,barkedoutalaugh,Cagerubbedhistemplesasifhewereexhaustedbytheconversation,andFinn’sfistcamedownonthetableashelaughedsoharditmadeeveryoneelsedothesame.
“ThisisallAuntGeorgia’sfault,isn’tit?Sheandherfashionbratrendhascausedquitethecommotion.”Hughtriedtohidehisgrinandstrokedthelittlegirl’shairawayfromherface.
“Willyougetmeabra,too,UncleHughey?”Gracieasked,placingonehandonhischeek.
“There’salotI’ddoforyou,sweetgirl,butIpraytoGodthatbrashoppingisnotoneofthem.”
EvenCagelaughednowbeforeraisingabrowandlookingathisdaughter.“Okay,that’senoughaboutthat.”
“Daddydoesn’tliketitties?”sheasked,andevenIcouldn’tholditinanylonger.Laughterbellowedaroundtheroom,andAlanacoveredherfacewithbothhands,butitwaseasytoseeherheadshakingwithmuffledlaughter,evenifshewastryingtohideit.
“Iassureyou,yourdaddydoesnothaveaproblemwithtitties.”Georgiatookasipfromherwineglassandsmirked.
“Ihavetoagreewiththatone,”Brinkleysaid,agreeingwithheryoungersister.
“Girls.That’senough.”Alanashookherheadanddabbedathereyesasshepulledherselftogether.
Hughlookedoveratme.“WelcometoSundaydinner,wherenothingisofflimits.”
Ilovedeverysecondofit.Thebanterandthearguingandthelove.Itwasimpossibletomiss.
“So,Lila,howlongareyougoingtobeherefor?”Bradfordaskedme.“Ihearyou’rehelpingoutHughquiteabitdownattherestaurant.We’regratefulforthatbecausehe’sworkingwaytoomuch.”
“I’mplanningtostaythroughthesummer.I’llheadbacktoChicagoaroundthefirstofSeptember.”
“Areyoustillrunning?”heasked.“IknowtherewassometalkaboutyoutrainingfortheOlympics.”
Inodded.I’dbeenapproachedbyseveralcoaches,andalotofpeoplethoughtIwouldwanttocontinueracingaftercollege,butIdidn’t.I’dachievedwhatI’dsetouttodo,anditwastimetowalkaway.“Nope.Iwasmorethanreadytobedone.Iwanttostartlivinganormallife,Iguess.”
Hughglancedover,andmygazelockedwithhis.Therewassomuchempathythere,itcomfortedme.Notmanypeopleunderstoodhowmuchtimeandenergywentintotrainingatthecollegiatelevel.Thepressure.Theexpectations.Thedisciplineandthedeterminationittooktogetthere.
Iwasexhausted.
“Ithinkthat’swonderful.You’vebeenworkinghardyourentirelife.It’stimetojust…live,right?”Alanaasked,hergreeneyesthatmatchedHugh’ssparkledasshelookedatme.
“Ithinkso,yes.”
“Well,Lila,youknowifyouwanttostartliving,I’myourgirl.IlivethatYOLOlife,andIhavezeroregrets,”Georgiasaid,herblondehairfallingaroundhershoulders.
“What’saYOLOlife?”Bradfordasked,andIdidn’tmissthewayhelookedathisyoungestchildwithabsoluteadoration.
“Itmeansyouonlyliveonce,andifmostofuslivedourlivesthewayGeorgiedoes,wewouldn’thavejobsorroofsoverourheads.”Brinkleyraisedabrowathersister.Theylookednothingalike.HughandBrinkleylookedmoreliketheirfatherwiththeirdarkcoloring,andFinnandCagehadlighterbrownhairwhileGeorgiawastheblondestofalltheReynoldskids,justlikehermother.
“Hey,jobsandroofsareoverratedifyouaskme.Lifeisshort;youneedtoenjoyit.Everythingalwaysworksout,socarpediem,bitches,”Georgiasangout.
“What’sbitches?”Gracieasked.
“Donotrepeatthatword,Gracie.ForGod’ssake,Georgie,canyounotcontrolyourselfaroundakidandwatchwhatyousay?”Cagehissedathissister.“Andfortherecord,youdon’thavetoworrybecauseyourparentssupportyou.Noteveryonehasthatluxury.Therealworldisnotallsunshineandrainbows.”
Georgiagroaned.“Therealworldiswhatyoumakeit.Ichoosetostartmydayswithpositivityandjoy.So,youandyourattitudecansuckit,Cage.Ourparentssupportedyou,too,andthenyouwentofftobeabigfancydoctor,soI’dhardlysaylifehasbeenunfairtoyou.”
“Firstoff,I’maveterinarianinCottonwoodCove,whichmeansI’mdealingwithcrazyanimalpeopleinthistown,andthere’snothingfancyaboutthat.Butyes,IhadaplanwhenIwasinschool.Youneedtofigureoutwhatyouwanttodo.Yougraduateinsixmonths.”
Myeyeswerebouncingbetweenthem,andIwascompletelyfascinated.
Hughbarkedoutalaugh.“Allright…let’scallatruce.Shedoesn’thavetohaveitallfiguredouttonight.”
“Agreed.Andshedoeshaveparentswhohaveaprettygoodtrackrecordatraisingcapablechildren,”Bradfordsaid,raisingabrowathisoldestson.
Cagenodded.“Iloveyou,Georgie.Ijustworryaboutyou.YouknowIwantthebestforyou.”
“DaddylovesAuntGeorgie,”Graciesaid,andsheclappedherhandstogether.
Hughleaneddownandkissedthetopofherhead.
“Iloveyou,too,butyouworrytoomuch.”Georgiaseemedcompletelyunfazed.
Thisfamilyevenarguedwithoutanyonegettingoffended.Ithadalwaysbeenthisway.
Dramainmyhousegrowingupusuallyledtophysicalfightswithmyfatherandbrother,policevisits,arrests,worry,andsleeplessnights.
Thiswasrefreshing.
“So,Lila,I’mdoingthisarticleonaretiredprofessionalfootballplayer,andhewassayingthatthetoughestpartaboutwalkingawayfromhissportisthathe’llmissthehighofgameday.Hesaidit’stoughwhensomuchofyouridentityiswrappedupinwhatyoudidinyoursportversuswhoyouare.Wasithardforyoutowalkaway?”
Ithoughtitover.“Ithinkmysituationisalittledifferent.”
Hugh’sgazelockedwithmine,andhestudiedme.“Howso?”
“Well,Istartedrunningassortofawaytoescape,Ithink.Afterlosingmymom,andallthathappenedwithmydadwhenIwasyoung,Ijustsortofneededsomethingto…”Ipausedandshookmyhead.“Takemeaway,Iguess.AnditwasthefirstthingIfeltlikeIwasgoodat,soIknewitwasmytickettogotoschoolandhaveafuture.Ifiguredthatoutatayoungage.”
Thetablewasquiet,andIwonderedifI’dsharedtoomuch.
“YouwontheCaliforniastatechampionshipallfouryearsinhighschool,andyouwerethefirstfemaleinthestateofCaliforniatoaccomplishthat,soI’dsaygoodisanunderstatement,”Hughsaid,catchingmeoffguardthathe’drememberedthosespecificstats.“Andthenyouwentontobethecollegiatenationalchamp.You’vemorethanprovenyourself.”
“Thankyou.ButIguessIdon’tfeellikeIneedtoproveanythinganymore.Idon’tneedtosetarecordorwinaracetogetmetothenextplaceIwanttogo.I’vebeensobusylookingforward,Ihaven’tenjoyedjustbeingwhereI’mat.Idon’tmissracingbecauseIneverlovedracedays,tobehonest.Iloverunning,andIstilldo,anditfeelsgoodthatIcanjustdoitformyselfnow.Forthefirsttimeinmylife,it’sjustforme.”
“Ithinkthat’samazing,Lila.AndI’msuregladyou’rebackhomeforawhile.I’vemissedthatsweetfaceofyours,”Alanasaid,hereyeswetwithemotion.“Andwhoknows,maybeyou’llendupwantingtostay.”
Hughshothismotheralook,andIknewwhathewassayingwithoutevenspeakingthewords.Travisdidn’twantanyonegivingmeanyreasontostay.Hethoughtmydadwouldbringmedown,andhewassodeterminedthatIdeservedmorethanthisplacethatweallcalledhome.Mybrotherhadspenthisentirelifeprotectingme,andIdidn’tneedprotectinganymore.
He’dbeeninbattlesolongthathedidn’tknowhowtostop.
“Well,allIknowisthatitfeelsgoodtobeherenow.Andthankyouforhavingmetonight.Idon’tthinkthere’sanyonethathasabetterSundaydinnerthantheReynoldsfamily,”Isaid,andeveryonechuckled.
“We’dbesopleasedifyou’djoinuseverySundaywhileyou’rehome,”Alanasaid,andHughchuckled.
“Ihopeyoukeepcomingandthatyouaren’trunningforthehillsaftertheinfamousblacklacebrastrapshowing,”Georgiasaidwithadramaticgasp.“Andmybigbrothertryingtobossmearound.”
“Daddyisaboss!”Gracieshoutedoverhergiggles.
“Yougotthatright,babygirl,”Cagesaid.
“Butrememberwhotherealbossis,”Hughwhispered,loudenoughforusalltohear.
“UncleHugheyistherealboss,Daddy,”GraciesangoutasHughblewaraspberryonherneck,andshefellbackinlaughter.
“Damnstraight!”Hughshouted.
“Hey,IthoughtIwastheboss.”Finnfeignedoffense,beingthenaturalactorthathewas.
“I’vegotsmealotofbosses.”Gracieshrugged.
Therestofthenightwasmorebanterandlaughterandwaytoomuchfood.
Isaidmygoodbyestoeveryone,andHughinsistedondrivingmehome.IofferedtowalkasI’dleftmycarathomethismorning.Ipreferredtowalkmostplaces,andIenjoyedit,buthewasnevergoingtoagreetothat,andIdidn’tfightit.
“Thanksforinvitingmetonight.YourfamilyisjustasamazingasIremembered.Ican’timaginehowmuchfunitmusthavebeengrowingupwithallofyoursiblings.”
Hughturneddownthestreetandheadedtowardmyfather’shouse.
“Yeah,itwasalotoffun,butweallhaveourmoments.Bothgoodandbad,justlikeeveryoneelse.YouknowTravjustwantswhat’sbestforyou,right?Healwayshas.”
“Iknow.Butitdoesn’tmeanthatIcan’tcomehomeandbehappy,too.Igrewuphere,justlikehedid.Wehavethesamefather.IthinkI’mcapableofhandlingmyself.He’ssohell-bentonkeepingmeaway,andIjustwishherealizedI’mnotalittlekidanymore.”
MyeyesnarrowedasIsawatallmanstandingonourfrontporchwithhishandsflailingaround,andIcouldheartheshoutingfrominsidethetruck.Hislefthandrearedbackandmadecontactwiththepersonhewasblockingwithhisbigbody,andIsawmyfatherfallforward.IreachedforthehandlejustasHughpulledtothecurb,notevencertainthecarhadcometoafullstop.Iwasoutandrunningtowardmyfather.
“Hey!Leavehimalone!”IshoutedasIapproachedhim.Hisarmwasliftedagain,andIknewhewasgoingtohitmyfatherwhowassprawledoutonthegroundandnotfightingback.Ireachedforhishand,butitswungbacktooquicklyandnailedmerightinthecheekwithaforceIhadn’tbeenpreparedfor.EverythingwasablurwhenIstumbledtotheground,andHughcameoutofnowhere,divingthroughtheairandtacklingtheguywho’djusthitme.Icrawledovertomyfathertoseeifhewasokay,andhejustsatup,laughingasbloodpouredfromhisnose.Twomenstoodinthedoorway,holdingbeersintheirhandsandwatchingHughpunchtheguyinthefaceasheshoutedathim.
“Don’tyoueverfuckingputyourhandsonheragain,doyouhearme?”Ijumpedupandracedovertohim,reachingforhisarmthatheheldabovethemanwhowasbleedingandbegginghimtostop.
“That’senough,”Isaid,andmyvoicebrokeonasob.
Flashbacksofachildhoodfilledwithupsanddownsfloodedmyhead.
Remindersofwhyrunninghadalwaysbeensuchanescapeforme.
Whatwashappening?MyfatherhadbeenfinewhenI’dleftearlier.
“Damn,Lilagirl.I’dhaveknockedhimoutmyselfifIwouldhaveknownheputhishandsonyou,”myfather’swordsslurred.
Hewasdrunkorhigh;Iwasn’tquitesurewhich.
Inmylifetime,Iwasmorefamiliarwiththisversionofmydadthanthesoberone.ButIhadn’tseenhimdrunkorhighsinceI’dreturnedhome,andI’dhopedthathimhavingallthesehealthissueswouldmeanhewastryingtogetbetter.
Itwasn’tmyfirsttimebeingwrong,norwoulditmostlikelybemylast.
ButI’dneverstoptrying.
Becausebeneathallthatsicknessandaddictionwasagreatman.Imaybetheonlyonethatstillknewit,butthatdidn’tmattertome.
Ifyouhadonepersoninyourcorner,therewasstillhope.Andeveryonedeservedthat,didn’tthey?
“LilaJames.Lookatyou,”Bradleypurredfromourdoorway,lookinglikethecreephe’dalwaysbeen.Hewasthefrienddadusedtogetintothemosttroublewith.Icouldn’tstandtheman.
Hughpushedtostandandliftedtheguyonthegroundtohisfeetwithhim.“You’reluckyIdon’tcallthecops.Apologizetoher,andthengetthefuckoutofhereanddon’tcomeback.”
“I’msorry.Ididn’tseeyoubehindme,”hesputteredandspitbloodonthegrass.“Youowemetwentybucks,Tate.Youwillpayme.”Hestormedoutofouryardanddownthestreet.
“Youallright?”Hughaskedashestalkedtowardme,almostpredatory.Hislargehandgrazedmycheek,andhehelduphisphoneandturnedontheflashlightbeforecursingunderhisbreath.“Comeon.You’renotstayinghere.”
“What?Ilivehere.”
“Notanymore.Youhavetwochoices.YoupackyourbagsandgotoTravisandShay’s,oryoustayinmycasita.That’sit.What’sitgoingtobe?”Hisgreengazewashard,andheturnedtoglareatmyfatherwhenDadpushedtohisfeetandstartedapologizing.
“I’llstaywithyou.Pleasedon’tcallTravisrightnow.He’llbefurious,andI’lltalktohimtomorrow.Ipromise.”
Hughnodded.“Let’sgopackupyourshit.”
HestormedpastmyfatherandshovedBradleyandPatoutoftheway.ThereweretwomoreguysI’dneverseensprawledoutonthecouch,withbeercanscoveringthecoffeetable.
“Party’sover,boys.Leave.”Hughpointedtowardthedoorandthenraisedaneyebrowatmeandtiltedhisheadtowardthehallwayleadingtomyroom.Ihurriedinsideandswipedatthetearsrollingdownmycheeks.Traviswouldhateourfatherevenmorenow.Hedidn’tunderstandthatthiswasadisease,andhewasdoinghisbesttobeatit.
ThatwaswhyIwashere.
Butnothingwasgoingtogetresolvedtonight.Dadwasdrunk.Hisfriendswerecreepyashell,andIdidn’twanttobehere,anyway.
AndIknewHughwellenoughtoknowthathewasn’tgoingtoleavewithoutme,soItossedabunchofclothesinmybagandgrabbedmytoiletries,aswell.
WhenIcameoutoftheroom,wheelingmysuitcasebehindme,myfathersatonthefloorofthelivingroomwithabottleofvodkainhishand,andhetippedhisheadbackandtookalongpull.Bradleywasstillthere,ofcourse,laughinghisassoffjustlikehealwaysdidwhenDadfelloffthewagon.
Ioftenwonderedifthattermevenmadesenseanymore.Becauseinallhonesty,myfatherhadbeenoffthewagonmorethanhe’deverbeenonit.
Ihatedthatsomuchforhim.
Butitdidn’tmeanthatithadtobehisrealityfortherestofhislife.
“I’msorry,Lilagirl.Iloveyou.Ijusthadaslip.”DadtriedtopushtohisfeetandfellbackonthefloorasBradley’slaughterfilledthesmallspacearoundus.
Hughsteppedinfrontofmeandtookmybags,blockingmylineofsighttomydad.“Truck.Now.I’llberightthere.”
IdidwhathesaidbecauseIwastootiredtofighthim.
MycheekthrobbedwithpainasIclimbedintohistruck.
Butnothingcomparedtothewaymyheartached.fiveHugh
Shewasquietonthedrivetomyhouse,andIdidn’tmissthewayshekeptswipingthetearsfromhercheeks,tryingtohidehersadness.Anddon’tevengetmefuckingstartedaboutthebruiseonherfacefromthatpieceofshitwho’dbackhandedher.Itdidn’tmatterwhetherheknewshewasthereornot.Theywereabunchofsloppydrunkfuckers,andshehadnobusinessbeingaroundthem.
Ipulledintothegarageandturnedoffthetruckbeforelookingoverather.“Youallright?”
“Yeah,ofcourse.Youdidn’tneedtobringmehere.Iwouldhavebeenfinethere.”Hervoicewobbled.
“NotachanceinhellthatIwasleavingyouthere.”Iturnedontheinteriorlightandleanedforwardtoinspectherface.Igentlygrazedhercheekbonewithmythumb,andhereyeslockedwithmine.“Jesus,it’sprettyswollenandbruised.Let’sgetyouinsideandgetsomeiceonit.”
Ijumpedoutofthetruckandgrabbedherbags,andshefollowedmeinside.IflippedonacoupleoflightsandleftherbagsbythedoorasImademywayintothekitchen.
“Wow.Thisissonice.Whenyouboughttheplace,itneededalotofwork,right?”sheasked,asshepausedatthekitchenisland.Ifilledabaggiewithiceandwrappedatowelarounditbeforegentlyplacingitagainsthercheek.Herhandcameoverminetoholdinplace,andforwhateverreason,Ididn’tletgo.Ididn’twantto.
“I’vegotit,”shewhispered,liftingherhandjustenoughforminetopullaway.
Shecringedalittle,andIcouldn’tstopmyselffromreachingouttostrokeherhair.She’dbeenhitandneededcomfort,andIwantedtogiveittoher.
“Yep,Iprettymuchrenovatedeverysquareinchofthisplacewiththehelpofyourbrotherandhisguys,”Isaid,andsheleanedintomytouch,closinghereyes.Lavenderandhoneyfloodedmysenses.“You’llbeallright.Justgiveitaminute,anditwon’tfeelthatcold.It’llstartnumbingup.”
Anddamnitifmybodywasn’treacting.I’dneverbeenbigonstrokingawoman’shairorbeingoverlyaffectionate,butsomehow,itdidn’tbothermewithLila.
Hereyesopened,andIsawthesadnessthere.Theheartachethisgirlhadexperiencedwithherfatherwasn’tsomethinganykidshouldhavetodealwith.“Thanksforbeingthereforme.”
“Always.Youknowthat.”
“Areyousureyoudon’tmindmestayinginyourcasitatonight?”
“Listen,Lila,theplaceisyoursforaslongasyou’rehome.Ifyoudon’twanttostayhereoverthenextfewmonths,you’llhavetostaywithTravandShay.”Ipulledmyhandawayfromherhairandsteppedback.Ineededtoputsomespacebetweenus.Icouldn’tthinkstraightwhenshewaslookingatmelikethat.Allsweetandsexy.“YouknowTravisisn’tgoingtobeokaywithyoustayingatyourdad’snow.AndIdon’tdisagreeafterwhatIjustwitnessed.”
“Icantakecareofmyself,”shesaid,squaringhershouldersandpullingtheiceawayfromherface.
“That’snottheissue.Noonedoubtsthatyou’reastrongwoman,butyoushouldn’thavetotakecareofyourselfwhenyou’reathome.Youshouldfeelsafe,andthereisnofuckingwaythatplaceissafeforyouwhenyourfatherisdrinkingordruggingorwhateverthehellhe’sdoing.”
Herfacehardened.“Itwasaslip.”
“Comeon,Snow.You’resmarterthanthat.Ihaven’tseenhimsoberinyears.WhydoyouthinkTravistriedsohardtokeepyouaway?”
Herdarkbrowneyeswelledwithtears,andmychestsqueezed,causingmetostepforward.Closer.
“That’sbecausehedoesn’thaveanyonetohelphim.Travisistooangry.That’swhyI’mhere.”Sheshruggedastwotearsstreakeddownherprettyface.Onemovedoverthelargebump,whichhadnowturnedadarkshadeofpurpleonhercheek.Ileanedforwardandgentlyswipedthembothaway.
“Youcan’tfixsomeonewhodoesn’twanttobefixed.”
“Hedoes,Bear.Iknowhedoes.”Herwordsbrokeonasob,andImovedcloser,wantingtopullherintomyarms,butshesettheiceontheislandandheldupbothhands.“Thinkaboutthewayyourfamilywastonight.IsitsowrongthatIwantthatformyfamily?ThatIwantTravistostophatingourfather,andIwantDadtocareenoughabouthislifetotakecareofhimself?Whyisitsobadtowantthat?”
Hershouldersquaked,andthetearsstartedfallingdownhercheeks,andIcouldn’tstopmyself.Irushedher,pullingherintomyarmsandwrappingherup.
“It’snotwrong.Iunderstandwhyyouwantthat.You’regoodandstrongandkind,Lila.Andyourfatherisluckytohaveyou.Butyouneedtoprotectyourselfwhileyou’rehere,allright?”
Herheadtippedback,andshelookedupatme.Darkbrowneyeswetwithemotionandpain.“You’renotgoingtotellmehe’snotworthmytimelikeeveryoneelsedoes?”
“Notifyouagreetostayhereandbecautious.ButwehavetotellTraviswhathappened,becausewhenhefindsout,he’llbepissedwekeptitfromhim.”
“Allright.”Shenodded.“Wecantellhimifyoupromisetosupportme.Ijustneedsomeoneonmyside,youknow?”
Iwrappedmyarmsbackaroundherandkissedthetopofherhead.“You’vegotme,Snow.”
Westoodinthekitchen,meholdingherforwhatfeltlikehours.
AndIwasinnohurrytolethergo.
***
LilaandIhadeventuallycalledTravisandtoldhimherversionofwhathappened,leavingoutsomeofthedetails.I’dtoldhimshewouldstaywithme,andthatwastheonlythingthatkepthimfromcomingoverhereanddragginghertohisplace.He’dbeenenragedthathissisterhadbeenknockeddown.She’dfailedtomentionthatshe’dalsobeenhitintheface,butIdidn’tthrowherunderthebusbecauseshe’dlookedatmewiththosepleadingeyes,soI’dletitgo.Fornow.
I’dknockedtheshitoutoftheassholewho’dhurther,andI’dthreatenedbothBradleyandTatetostaythefuckawayfromherwhenLilawasinherroompacking.IknewTraviswouldbecomingtotherestauranttoseeher,andhewouldn’tmisstheswollenbruiseonhercheek,butatleasthe’dbecalmerbytoday.
Thecasitahadadoortotheinteriorofmyhouse,aswellasitsownentranceontheoutside.Itwasbasicallyabedroomensuitewithitsownbathroomandwalk-incloset.Theexteriordoorjustofferedabitmoreprivacyifsomeonewantedtocomeandgowithoutenteringthehouse.I’dtoldhertocomeonoverinthemorningandhelpherselftobreakfastaswe’dbesharingmykitchen.WhatIhadn’texpectedwastoseeLilainapairoftinyrunningshortsandatanktop,standinginmykitchenlookinglikeafuckinggoddess.Hertanlegswereonfulldisplay,femininemusclesrunningdownherthighsasItookherinfrombehindlikeafuckingcreeper.Herasswassmallandround—perfectlypeachshaped,andherarmswereslimwithjustenoughmuscletomakeitobviousshewasfit.Herbodywasaworkofart.Nodoubtaboutit.
IclearedmythroattoletherknowIwastherebeforeIspentanothersecondcheckingherout.
Shewhippedherheadoverhershoulderandsmiled.Hercheekswereflushed,herhairpulledawayfromhermakeupfreeface,andadark,longponytailrandownherback.Hercheekwasstillswollenanddiscolored,butsomehow,itlookedsexyashellonherthismorning.
“Hey,Ihopeit’sokayItookyouuponbreakfast.Ijustwentforarun,andIwasstarving,soIthoughtI’dmakeusbothsomebaconandeggs.”Hergazescannedmybody,movingslowlydownmychestandstomach,andhereyeswidened,whichcausedmetolookdowntoseewhatshewasgapingat.
Nothinglikealittlemorningwoodtoscaretheshitoutofyourbestfriend’slittlesister.
I’dcompletelyforgottenthatIhadonnothingbutapairofjoggers,andtheyleftnothingtotheimaginationwhenyourdickwasrock-hard.
Andminewas.
Ichuckledbecausetherewasn’tmuchelseIcoulddointhissituation.
“Sorryaboutthat.It’samorningthing.”Ismirked.
It’sactuallyaLilathing.
Sheshookherheadasifshehadn’trealizedshewasstaringandturnedbacktothestove.“Oh,no.Ihadn’tnoticed.Imean,ofcourse,Inoticed,becauseitwouldbeimpossiblenotto,butIwasn’tstaring.Ohmygooooooood,”shegroaned.
“There’snoshameinlooking,Snow.”Ishouldn’thavesaidit,butIlikedseeingherallworkedup.
Apinkhueranupthebackofherneck,andIadjustedmyselfbecausethisshitwasgettingpainful.“DoIhavetimetograbaquickshower?”
“Yeah,yeah,ofcourse.”Shewavedahandoverherhead,andwhenIgottothedoorwayofmybedroom,Iheardhershout.“I’dmakeitacoldone,Bear!”
IlaughedmyassoffasIstoodunderthefreezingcoldwater.IwasnotproudwhenIgrippedmydickandleanedmyforeheadagainstthewallandthoughtofthewayLilahadjustlookedatme.Allinnocentandsexy.Curiousandwanting.
Herbodyinthoselittlerunningshortsandtanktop.
ThewayIcouldseetheoutlineofherperfecttitsthroughthefabric.
HowbadlyIwantedtotouchher.
Tasteher.
Itdidn’ttakelongtofindmyrelease,andImadeasilentpromisetomyselfthatthiswouldbethelasttimeIallowedmyselftofantasizeabouther.Shewasgoingtobestayingwithme.Ineededtopullmyshittogether.
MaybeIjustneededtogetlaid.
BysomeoneotherthanLilaJames,ofcourse.
I’dmakethatmymissionthisweekend.Iwasprobablyjusthornybecauseithadbeenawhile.
IslippedonapairofjeansandaT-shirtandmademywayouttothekitchen.
She’djustplatedsomeeggsandbaconandtoast,anddamnifmystomachwasn’trumbling.
“Thislooksamazing.I’musuallyluckytograbapieceoftoastbeforeIgetoutofhere,”Isaid,movingtothefridgetopouruseachaglassofjuice.
“I’llreplacethegrocerieswhenIgotothestoreafterworktoday,”shesaid,aswebothsatdownatthesametime.
“Don’tbesilly.Wecanshare.Hell,ifyou’rewillingtocookforme,I’dbehappytokeepthefridgestocked.”
Shesmiled.“I’llcookandshop,too.It’stheleastIcandoforyoulettingmestayhere.”
IforkedsomeeggsandgroanedwhenItookabite.Damn,shewasagoodcook.“Isthereanythingyou’renotgoodat?”
Shetookabiteoftoastandthoughtitover.“ThereareseveralthingsI’mnotgoodat.That’swhatIwasthinkingaboutonmyruntoday.YouknowhowGeorgialivesthatYOLOlife?ThatmightbesomethingIshouldtry.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”Idevouredapieceofcrispybacon.
“I’vebeentalkingtoDelilah,Sloane,andRinaaboutit,too.TheythinkIshoulddosortofabucketlistwhileI’mhome.”Sheraisedabrowatme.“Youknow,thingsIhaven’tdonebeforethatI’dliketostarttrying.”
Whatthehellwasshetalkingabout?
“Whattypesofthingsdoyouwanttodowhileyou’rehere?MaybeIcanhelp?Becauseifyoukeepcookinglikethis,I’mnevergoingtoletyouleave.”
Shesmiledandreachedforherglass,takinghertimewiththefresh-squeezedjuice.Iwatchedthewayherslenderneckmovedassheswallowed,andIhadthesuddenurgetokissherthere.Tolickthesweatrightfromherbody.
“Well,Bear,ifyoumustknow.Twonightsago,Igotdrunkforthefirsttime.I’dneverallowedmyselftodoanythingsofrivolousinthepast,sothatwasafirst.”
“Gettingdrunkisoverrated.Buteveryoneneedstoexperienceitatleastonceintheirlife,Iguess.”Ichuckled.“Soyou’vealreadygotonecheckedoffthelist.What’snext?”
“Well,themostimportantthingistogetmydadintoaprogramwhileI’mhere.I’vebeenresearchingthisforawhile,andI’vetalkedtohimaboutit.He’sopentoit.We’vetriedeverythingelse.Fighting,crying,moredramathananyoneneedsinonelifetime,andthathasn’tworked.So,it’stimetotrysomethingnew.AHailMaryofsorts,andIfoundaplaceontheoutskirtsoftownthathasreallygreatsuccessstories.”
Inodded.Ididn’twanthertogethurt,butTateJameshadyettoshowanydesiretogetbetter.ButIwouldn’tsaythat.Iwouldn’ttakethatfromher.BecauseifIwereinhershoes,I’ddowhateverittookforanyoneinmyfamily.So,Iunderstoodherneedtokeeptrying.Traviswasfarpastbelievingthathisfathercouldchange,butitdidn’tmeanthatshehadtobe.
“Allright.Soundslikeyou’vegotaplanforthatone.Whatelsedoyouhaveonthislist,Snow?”Itookalongpullfrommyglass.
“I’dliketolosemyV-cardwhileI’mhome.”Sheshrugged,andorangejuicesputteredfrommymouthalloverthetable.Didshejustbringuphervirginitysocasually,asifshewerediscussingtheweatherandnotthefactthatshe’dneverhadsex?Thatnomanhadeverhadthepleasureofrockingherfuckingworld?HerheadfellbackinlaughterbeforeshelookedatmeasItriedtocleanupmymess.“Haveyounevermetavirgin,Hugh?”
“What?No.Ofcourse,Ihave.Ijust—Ididn’tknow.”Iclearedmythroat,tryingtothinkoftherightthingtosay.
“Youdidn’tknowIwasavirgin?”Shechuckled.“Imean,it’snotsomethingIadvertise.That’swhyI’vebeenavoidingMrs.Runither.Thewomancansniffoutavirginasfastasshecanspotamanwhore.”
“Ihopeyouaren’tlookingatmebecauseyouthinkI’meitheroneofthose,”Iteased,tryinghardtochangethetoneofmyvoice.
Diditjustgetreallyfuckinghotinhere?
“Idon’tknow,Bear.Areyouavirgin,orareyouamanwhore?”
“Well,IlostmyvirginitywhenIwassixteen,sothat’sout.IsupposeI’vehadsomeyearswhereIcouldpossiblyhavebeenconsideredabitofamanwhore—mainlythroughcollege.ButI’veneverliedtoanyoneaboutwhoIamorwhatIwanted.Andlately,thatshithasgottenlessappealingtome.So,honestly,Idon’tthinkI’meither.”
Shewatchedmewithcompletefascination.“Obviously,you’reveryexperienced.Maybeyoucouldteachmeathingortwo.”
“Idon’ttakethingsthatIdon’tdeserve,Lila.AndIdon’tknowthatthisshouldbesomethingyouputonabucketlist.”
AndI’llbeamotherfuckerifmydickwasn’thardasarockagain.Hell,I’djustgottenofflessthantwentyminutesago,andhereIwas,talkingvirginsandwhoreswiththehottestgirlI’deverlaideyeson,andmydickthoughtitwastimetoparty.
“Whynot?”
“Because.Itshouldn’tbesomethingyoujustcheckoffalist.Itshouldbespecial.Itshouldhappenorganically.”Ishrugged,hopingIwasmakingsense,evenifmyvoicewasgrufferthanusual.
ThoughtsofLilaJamescomingapartbeneathmefloodedmyhead.
“Didithappenorganicallyforyou?”Sheraisedabrow,hervoiceteasing.“Attheageofsixteen,didyoufindyourselfalovingsoulmateandsharethatspecialmomentsurroundedbycandlelightandromanticlovesongs?”
“Fine,smart-ass.Itwasn’torganic.ItwaswithEileenJohnson,whowastwoyearsolderthanme,andsheclimbedmelikeafuckingspidermonkey.”Ibarkedoutalaugh.“But,you’redifferent.”
“Howso?”Sherolledhereyes,assumingwhatIwasgoingtosaywasgoingtoannoyher.
“You’respecial.Alwayshavebeen.”
“Soareyou,Hugh.Butthatdoesn’tmeanithastobethisbigdeal.Atthispoint,I’djustliketogetthedeeddone,youknow?”
Wasshetryingtokillme?
“Hello?”avoiceshouted,startlingmefrommyfuckingragingerectionaboutLilaJames’suntouchedpussy.Iwasabastardforfantasizingaboutmybestfriend’svirginsisterwhilestaringatthebaconandeggsshe’djustmademe.
“Hey,Trav,”Lilacalledout,beforewagglingherbrowsatmemischievously.Sheknewwhatshewasdoing,andshewasenjoyingherself.
“Whatthefuckhappenedtoyourface?”Travisbarked,movingclosetohissisterandplacinghishandbeneathherchin,turninghercheeksohecouldinspectit.
“ItoldyouthatIfelllastnight,”shesaid,lookingaway,becausehelookedlikehewantedtokillsomeone.
“Youdidn’tmentionthatyougothitinthefaceonyourwaytotheground.Ithoughtyoutripped.DidDaddothis?”
“Ofcoursenot,”shesaid,hervoiceangrynow.“Itwasanaccident.Someguywastherearguingwithhim.Igotintheway.ButHughhithimenoughtimesthathewon’tbewalkingstraightfordays,soyoucancalmyourassdown.”Hereachedforapieceofbacononherplateandtookabite.
“Well,thankGodsomeonewasthinkingclearly.”Hehelduphisfist,andIbumpedmineagainsthis.
“Noproblem,brother.She’sgoingtostayinthecasita.That’sthedeal.Andshe’swillingtocook,soI’mnotcomplaining.”
“Good.Whateverittakestogetyououtofthere.”
Lilastudiedherbrotherandglancedoveratmebeforespeaking.“I’vebeenlookingintosomeprogramsforDad,Travis.I’veagreedtostayhereatHugh’s,butI’mnotgoingtogiveuponDad.Yougetthat,right?”
Henoddedandshookhishead.“IthinkIknowyouwellenoughtoknowthat.”Hereachedforapieceoftoast.“Damn,don’ttellShaythatthisisthebestbreakfastI’vehadinmonths.Iloveher,butshecan’tcookforshit.”
LilaandIbothlaughed.I’dhadShay’scooking,andhewasn’twrong.
“Iwon’tsayaword.”
“Youwanttocomeovertonight,andI’llpickuptakeout?”TravisaskedLila.
“Del’smeetingmeatCottonwoodCafewhenIgetoffworktonight.We’rehavingdinner,”Lilasaid.“Howabouttomorrownight?”
“Yeah,sure.Shay’sstartingtoshow,soI’msureshe’llwanttotalkbabieswithyou.Butit’sgoodforyoutospendtimewithfriendswhileyou’rehere,soI’mgladyou’redoingthat.Whatelsedoyouwanttodowhileyou’rehomeasidefromsavingamanwellpastbeingsaved?”Travisaskedashestudiedhissister.Ilovedthedudelikeabrother,buthecouldbeanassholewhenhewantedtobe.
Lilasquaredhershouldersandsighed.“I’dliketojustbeanormalperson,ifthat’sallrightwithyou,Trav?Goonsomedates…havesomefun.Youknow…thingsyou’vealwaysdone.”
“There’snosensegettingattachedtoanyonewhenyou’releavingattheendofthesummer.Andthecasualthingisn’treallyyourstyle,isit?”heasked,andshepushedtoherfeetandgothimafork,asifsheknewhewantedtodiveintohereggsnext.Hesmiledanddidexactlythatonceshereturnedtoherchairandhandedhimtheutensil
“Idon’tknowwhatmythingisbecauseI’vebeentoobusychasingonegoalafterthenextmyentirelife.HowaboutyoujustletmeliveandstayoutofmybusinesswhileI’mhome?”
“You’remylittlesister.Ofcourse,I’llalwaysbeinyourbusiness.”Hechuckled.“Havesomefunwithyourfriendswhileyou’rehome,butthere’snooneworthyourtimehere.Thatfucker,Kline,wasaskingmeaboutyouyesterdaywhenIranintohimatthegasstation.Itoldhimtofuckoff,andI’mtellingyou,he’snotaguyyoushouldbehangingoutwith.”
“Oh,really?Why?Becausehe’snotafreakingsaint?Newsflash:Neitherareyou.So,stopjudgingeveryoneelsesoharshly.I’manadult.Backthehelloff,Trav.”Lilapushedtoherfeetandwalkedtothesinktorinseherplatebeforeherphonerang,andshewavedatusandwalkedoutofthekitchenafteransweringthecall.Shepulledthedoorclosedbehindherasshewentintothecasita.
“She’sactinginsane.ThankGodshe’sstayingwithyou,buddy.You’retheonlypersonItrustwithmysister.Hell,thewayBraxkeepstalkingabouthermeansIneedtowatchthatfuckernow,too.”
Ichuckled.“Igotyou,brother.”
ThatwasapromiseIintendedtokeep.
Nomatterhowtoughitwas,I’dkeepmypromisetohimandlookoutforhissister.sixLila
“LilaJames,Iheardyouwerebackintown,”Mrs.RunithersaidwhenDelandIcheckedinatthehostessstand.IcringedbecauseIknewitwascoming.Herfacewascompletelyfrozen,andherlipsmimickedthoseofapufferfish.Iwantedtoreachoutandpokethem,justtoseeiftheywerefirmorfilledwithair.“Ibetyoutwohavesomuchtotalkaboutwiththisonegoingthroughmenfasterthanaroostercancounttoten.”
Sincewhendidroostersstartcounting?Thewomanmadenosense,butshewasalwayssoconfidentthatmostpeoplejustwentalongwithit.
Theplacewasfairlyquiet,butitwasaMondaynight.CottonwoodCovewouldstartgettingbusywithtouristshereinthenextweekortwo.Thetownsurroundedagorgeouscoveonthecoast,andwewereonlyatwo-hourdrivefromSanFrancisco,butwelivedinthisquiet,peacefulpocketthatI’dalwaysloved.Wehadwatersportsinthesummerandskiinginthewinter.
“Thankyouforthat,Mrs.Runither.I’vehadthreeboyfriendsinthelastsixyears,soI’mguessingthatmeansroosterscountfairlyslow,”Delilahsaid,withalittlebitetohertone.Thiswomanhadprettymuchslut-shamedeveryoneintownovertheyears,whichwassayingalot,consideringshe’dbeenrumoredtobecheatingonpoorMr.Runithermanytimeswithtouristswho’dcomethroughtown.
“Well,ofcourse,dear.You’vegottotestthewaters,”shepurred,assheledustothebackoftherestauranttomyfavoritebooth.It’swhereDadandIalwayssatwhenwe’dcomehere.
Webothslidintooppositesidesofthebooth.“Andyou’relookingquitelovely,Lila.”
Hereitcomes.
Waitforit.
“Thankyou.”Iturnedmyattentiontomymenu,hopingthatwouldbehercuetowalkaway.
“Iseeyourbreastshavefilledout.Imeanthey’restillbarelyahandful,buttheylookabitfuller.Ibetthefellasdon’tmindthatonebit.Mr.Runitherlovesmyladies.”Sheglanceddownatheramplecleavagethatwasalwaysondisplay.Itlookedmorelikesomeone’sassthansomeone’sboobs,withthewaytheywereshovedtogetherwithwhatlookedlikeabuttcrackbetweenthem.
“I’msurehedoes,”Delilahsaidoverherlaughterassheglancedoveratmewithawickedsmileonherface.
“Yes.”Mrs.Runitherleanedoverthetable,andherbiggirlsnearlyspilledrightintothedishholdingthesweetener.
And,ohmy,isthathernipple?
Yep,rightoutintheopen.
Ataplacethatservesfood.
Sheglanceddownandtuckedherselfbackin.“Anyway.Haveyoudippedintotheerectionpond?That’scodeforhaveyoutakenthepussycatoutforarideandpoppedthatcherry.YouknowwhatImean,LilaJames?”
Well,nomatterhowmuchyoupreparedforit,youwerejustneverquitereadywhenithappened.Andthefactthatshehadseveraldifferentwaysofaskingwasevenmorealarming.
“Idojustfine,Mrs.Runither.Don’tyouworryaboutme.”
“Oh,Idon’tworryaboutyou.IwishIcouldbeavirginagain.”Sheleanedforwardandheldherhanduptocoveronesideofhermouthasshewhisper-shouted.“Haveyouheardthattheycandoasurgerythatmakesyouavirginalloveragain?It’sjustacouplestitches.Afewnipsandtucksdownsouth,Ithink.Idon’tknowwhy,butmydoctordoesn’tbelieveI’manidealcandidate.NotwithmypushingsixtyandhowactiveIam…inthebedroom.Ifyoueverneedanytipsonhowtoclosethedeal,youjustletmeknow,Lila.”
Mymouthgapedopen.“Um.Thankyou.”
Delilahraisedaneyebrowasifsheweredonewiththeconversation,andMrs.Runitherwavedatusbeforehurryingawaytogreetsomecustomerswho’djustwalkedin.
“Remindmeagainwhywecomehere?”mybestfriendasked,andshedidn’thideherirritation.
“Becauseit’snotcrowded,andwecantalk,”Isaidwithachuckle.“Plus,it’salmostlikeaCottonwoodCoveriteofpassagetobegrilledbytheoldsexpot.”
“Perhapsit’snotcrowdedbecausetheownerhasacrazy-assobsessionwiththecustomers’sexlives.Imean,shejustusedpoppedthatcherry,erectionpond,andtakethepussycatoutforarideallinonesentence.Thisisnotnormal.Youknowthat,right?”Sheshookherhead,justasourserver,Jenna,approachedandtookourordersafterwemadealittlesmalltalk.
“Well,atleastit’sinteresting.Iswear,myvirginityisreallyatopicofconversationbackhereinCottonwoodCove.NooneseemedtocareaboutitinChicago.”IpausedwhenJennasetourdrinksdownbeforehurryingoff.
“Istillcan’tbelieveyoutoldHughyouweregoingtoputitonyourbucketlist,”shesaid,asherheadtippedbackinlaughter.“So,whoareyouconsideringforthedeflowering?”Shesmirked.
“Well,there’sKline,andthatwouldbeeasybecauseheseemsmorethanwilling.ButthenI’dhavetoworkwithhim,andifIdidn’tlikeit,thatcouldbesuperawkward.”
“True.Butheishot,andhe’sfunny.He’sgotthosetatsthatgivehimalittleedge.”Shesmiled.
“Goodpoint.I’msupposedtohaveadrinkwithhimtonight,soIcanfeelthingsout.Seeifthere’sanattraction.Maybewecanallgooutnextweekend,andIcancheckoutmyoptions.”
“Yes.I’mgoingoutwithQuincyagainFridaynight,solet’sgetthegirlstogetherforSaturdaynight.”
“Deal.”IshotaquicktexttoSloaneandRinainourgroupchat,andtheyimmediatelysentbackthumbs-upemojisandafeweggplantemojis,aswell,becausethosewereSloane’sfavorite.
“So,howisitlivingwithHugh?Ohmygosh,Ican’tevenimagineseeinghiminthemorning.Whatwashewearingthismorningwhenyouhadbreakfastwithhim?”
IwaslaughingsohardIbarelypulledmyselftogetherwhenJennasetdownourgrilledcheesesandwichesandfrenchfries.Onceshewalkedawayandwasoutofearshot,IbitoffthetipofafryandturnedtoDelilah.“I’velivedthereallofoneday.Andyes,heworejoggersthismorning.”
Shefannedherface.“Noshirt?”
“Nope.”
“Baseballcap?”
“Yep.Turnedbackward.”
“MyGod.I’veseenhimatthebeach,andthatmanischiseledperfection.Whynotaddhimtothelist?”sheasked.
“Ikindofjokedaboutit,buthewasdefinitelynotinterested.I’mclearlynothistype,andTraviswouldlosehisshit.Sothat’sout.”
“Travisissuchacockblockingbastardsometimes.”Sheshookherheadandreachedforhersandwich.“YouaredefinitelyHugh’stype.”
“Howdoyouknow?”
“Ijustdo.Ithinkyou’rekindofeveryone’stype.You’regorgeousandsmartandfunny.”Sheshrugged.
“Saysmybestie.”
“Trustme,Lila.He’dgoforitifitwasn’tforTravis.Justfeelthingsout.Maybeyoucouldhaveaflingandkeepitbetweenthetwoofyou.Andme,ofcourse.You’vegottoletmeknowhowgooditis.Although,yourfirsttimeisneverallthatfabulous,butI’msurehe’dmakeitamazing.”
Ireachedformydrink.Wasithotinhere?
“Okay,that’senoughsextalkforonenight.Whatelsecanweputonthelist?”
“Hmmm…youcouldtelloffDrewCompton.RememberhowshemadeoutwithDougyduringseniorprom?Thatgirlwasabitchbackthen,andnothinghaschanged.”
DougyandIhadonlydatedforthreemonthswhenwewenttoprom,andI’dfoundhiminthebathroommakingoutwithDrew,whichhadbeencompletelymortifyingatthetime.
“Well,thatwasonDougy.Hewasmydate,notDrew.”
“Yes.AndDrewwaswithRobert.They’ddatedforthreeyears,andshemadeoutwithhisbestfriendataparty.Shadylady,that’sallIhavetosay.”
Ilaughedagain.“Damn,I’vemissedyou,Del.”
“Me,too.Canwejusthaveyoutellheroffforme?Ican’tstandthegirl.”
“Fine.I’lladdittothelist.”
“Let’sgotothatbikerbarwhileyou’rehome.Flirtwithsomeofthosehairy,handsomebeasts.”
“Ahhh…Sloanewillbesohappy.Rememberhowmanytimesshetriedtogetustogothere?”
“That’llbeagoodonetocheckoff.Whatelse?”
“Thetopofthelistishelpingmydad.Ifoundaplacethathasinpatientcare,andI’mgoingtogocheckitoutnextweekend.”
“Aren’tthoseprogramsexpensive?”sheasked.
“Yep.ButI’llcrossthatbridgewhenIgettoit.I’vegotaplan,andI’vebeenmessagingwiththewomanoverthere.”
“You’reagoodhuman,LilaJames.ThebestIknow,”shesaid,bitingoffthecornerofhergrilledcheese.
“Takesonetoknowone.”
WefinishedupourdinnerandwalkedovertoReynolds’,whereQuincywaspickingupDel,andI’dagreedtohaveonedrinkwithKline.
MyphonevibratedafterIhuggedhergoodbye,andIlookeddowntoseeatextfromHugh.
Bear
Whattimewillyoubehome?Ishouldn’tbetoolong,soletmeknowifyouneedaride.
Ichewedonmythumbnail.
JustgottoReynolds’tomeetKlineforaquickdrink,andthenI’llbehome.Areyouhere?
Iknewthathewasn’t,butcuriositywasgettingthebestofme.
Bear
Braxtalkedmeintoadoubledate,butI’mtiredandnotfeelingit,andthisdinnerismovingfuckingslow.
Whydidthatmakemesmile?
Areyoualwaystheheartbreaker,Bear?
Bear
Nottryingtobreakanyhearts.Justnotfeelingit.
You’repreachingtothechoir.Storyofmylife.I’llseeyouinabit.xx
Bear
Callmeifyouneedaride,andbecarefulwithKline,allright?
<eyerollemoji><eyerollemoji>
Idroppedmyphoneintomypurseandpulledopenthedoor.Brandywassmiling,butwhenhergazelockedwithmine,shefrowned.
“Hey,”IsaidasIsteppedcloser.“CanItalktoyou?”
Shesquaredhershoulders.“Sure.”
“Dowehaveaproblem?”
HerjawdroppedasifshewereshockedthatI’dnoticed.“I,um.No.I.I’msorry.IguessIfeltalittlethreatenedbyyou,that’sall.”
“That’ssilly.I’mnotheretodoanythingtohurtyou.I’mjustheretohelpoutforthesummer.”
“IguessIhavethislittlecrushontheboss,andheseemstobegivingallhisattentiontoyou,notthatheevergavemeany.”Shefrowneddramatically,whichmademelaugh,anditalsoshowedherage.
Ichuckled.“Howoldareyou?”
“Ijustturnedseventeen.”
“Well,hecertainlycan’tbegivingyouanyattentionbecausethatwouldgethimintotrouble,seeingashe’sagrownman.HughandIgrewuptogether,sowe’rejustgoodfriends.ButevenifIweren’there,hewouldn’tbeanydifferenttoyou,Brandy.He’snotthatguy.”
Sheletoutthislong,dramaticwhine,stompedherfoot,andthenshrugged.“Iguessyou’reright.WhatdoyouthinkofLionel,thenewbusboy?Wegotoschooltogether,buthe’salwaysbeensoshy.”
Ifoughtbackmyurgetolaughathowquicklyshereboundedfrombeingupset.LionelhadjuststartedworkinghereatthesametimeIdid,andheseemedlikeareallynicekid.“Ithinkhe’sgood-lookingandverynice.Maybeyoushouldtrytotalktohimsincehe’sprettyshy.Iwasalwaysalittleshymyself,andIwasn’tveryconfidentwithboys,soifsomeonemadethefirstmove,itwaseasierforme.”
Shetappedherfingersalongthewoodofthehostessstandandtippedherheadtotheside.“Really?Ican’timagineyoueverfeelinginsecurebecauseyou’resopretty.Seemslikeeveryguyintheroomisalwaysstaringatyou.”
Thatmademelaugh.“Idon’tthinkwe’vebeeninmanyroomstogether,then,anddon’tlooknow,butLionelkeepsglancingoverhere.Ithinkyoushouldgotalktohim.I’llcoverthingshereuntilyougetback.”
Shebeamedupatmeandextendedherhand.“Thanks,Lila.Canwestartover?”
“Absolutely.Now,gogetyourflirtgameonandtalktothatcuteboy.”
“Youdon’thavetostayuphere.I’malreadyofftheclock.Danielleisfinishingupthelasttableofthenight.IwasjusthangingaroundtotrytotalktoLionel.”
Shehurriedoff,andIsmiledasImademywaytothebar.Klinewaswipingdownthebartop,andhelookedupandraisedabrow.
“Ithoughtyouwereblowingmeoff,”hesaid,hisvoicealltease.
“No.IwashavingdinnerwithDel,andItoldyouI’dstopbyonmywayhome.”Ipulledoutabarstoolandsatdown.
“Whatareyoudrinking?It’sonme.”
“Thankyou.Aglassofchardonnaywouldbegreat.”
“Yougotit.”Hemovedtograbaglass,andIchewedonthebackofmythumbnailasIpulledmyphoneoutofmypurseandglanceddowntoseeifIhadanynewtexts.
Ididn’t.
Whydidthatdisappointme?
Hepushedtheglassinfrontofmeandraisedhisglass,whichlookedtobesomesortofhardliquorstraightup.“Cheerstoyoubeingbackintown,LilaJames.”
“Iwilldrinktothat,”Isaid,tappingmyglasstohis.
Hestudiedmeashetookalongpullandemptiedthedarkliquidinonegulpbeforesettingtheglassdownonthebarandrubbinghishandstogether.“Damn.I’mhappyyou’rehere.ButI’vegottoask,what’sthedealwithHugh?”
“Thedeal?Idon’tthinkthereisone.”Itookasipandsetmyglassdown.Iwasn’tinthemoodforadrink,andIwasreadytoheadhome,butIdidn’twanttoflakeonhim.
“ThedudenearlytookmyheadoffwhenIspoketoyou.Ishejustbeingaprotectivefriend,oristheresomethingthere?”heasked.
Ichuckled.“He’salwaysbeenprotective.That’sallitis.”
“Allright.Youwantmetogiveyouaridehome?Areyoustayingwithyourdad?”
“No.I’mstayinginHugh’sguestcasitafornow.Andyouknowhelivesreallyclose,soI’llbefinewalking.Butthanksfortheoffer.”
“Isee.”Histongueswipedouttowethisbottomlip,anditseemedverydeliberate.
Iwaitedtoswoon.Wantedtheretobebutterflies.Buttherewasnothing.
Hewasgood-lookingandappearedtohaveagoodpersonality.
So,onceagain,Iwastheproblem.
Ichuckled.“Whatdoyousee?”
“ProbablytheprettiestfuckinggirlI’veeverlaideyeson.”
“Verysmooth,”Isaid,raisingabrowasItookanothersip.
“HowaboutItakeyoutodinnerthisweek?Justyouandme.Andnothere.Wecangosomewhereelse.Ithinkwe’rebothoffonTuesday.”
“Sure.Thatsoundsfun.”
“Damn,you’recuteevenwhenyou’renoteventrying,”hepurredbeforerunningahandthroughhisblond,wavyhair.Thismanhadswagger,andI’msureplentyofwomenswoonedoverhim,somaybeitwouldjusttakemesometime.
“Thankyou.”Ishruggedasheturnedbackandstartedwipingeverythingdown.Wemadesomemoresmalltalk,andIactuallylaughedafewtimes,somaybeIwasbeingtooquicktoputhiminthefriendzone.
HesurprisedmebyofferingtowalkmehomeasHugh’shousewasonthewaytohisplace.HesaidhewouldleavehiscaratReynolds’sincehe’dhadacoupleofdrinks.
Andhedidn’tgoforthekisswhenwegottothedoor.Hehuggedmeandwalkedbackwardashewaitedformetogetinside.
Maybehedidhavepotential.sevenHugh
Aftertheworld’smostpainfuldate,Ipulleddownmystreet.LilahadtextedmethatKlinehadwalkedherhome,andshedidn’tneedaride.Ididn’tliketheideaofherhangingoutwithhim,anditdidn’tmakeawholelotofsense.Klinewasn’tabadguy,buthewasaplayer.Andhedefinitelywasn’tgoodenoughforLila.
Turningoffmytruck,myphonevibratedonthedashboard,andIreachedforit.
Cage
StellaJacobsbroughtherpig,PrincessLowanda,intotheofficetodayandaskedifIcouldgivethepigBotoxbecauseshethinksshe’slookingtoowrinkly.Icannotmakethisshitup.
Georgia
Hey,agirl’sgottodowhatagirl’sgottodo.#nojudgment
Finn
MyagentsuggestedformetoconsiderBotox.Butifthepigcan’tgetit,I’mgoingtoputmyfootdown.
Brinkley
I’dliketoinjectBotoxintomyboss’sballsackbecausehe’samisogynisticpig.
Cage
Remindmenevertocrossyou.
Finn
Didn’tBrinkswriteonyourfacewithaSharpiebecauseyouwouldn’tgiveheraridetothemoviestomeetthathorndog,ScottyPeters?
Georgia
Thatwasme,Finny!AndScottyPeterswashot.<fireemoji>
Brinkley
IjustranintohimlasttimeIwashome,andhedidn’tlookgood.
Finn
HegotveneersfromDr.Anderson,whoisn’tevenadentist.He’sadentalhygienist.Howheisgettingawaywiththisshit,isbeyondme.Sothat’swhatyougetwhenyougoforthetoo-good-to-be-truedeal.
Cage
So…You’rewelcome,Georgie.Isavedyoutheembarrassmentofdatingadudewhoseteetharetoobigforhismouth.
Brinkley
Andhewasanoddshadeoforange.Likehespray-tannedsomanytimesIthinkhe’spermanentlystained.
Georgia
Liketangerine?Cantaloupe?
Brinkley
Hedidn’tlooklikeafruit.Morelikethecolorofanovercookedsweetpotato.
Finn
Damn,I’mhungrynow.Where’sHugh?
Cage
HegotsuckedintogoingonadoubledatewithBrax.
Brinkley
Good.Heneedstogetbackoutthere.He’sactinglikeanoldman.
Georgia
Iwishhe’ddateLilaJames.Damn,theywouldmakesuchprettybabies.
Cage
Um…I’mfairlycertainTraviswouldkillhimlongbeforetheycouldprocreate.
Brinkley
But,yes…thosewouldbesomeprettybabies.
I’mhome.Nooneisactinglikeanoldmanormakinganybabieswithhisbestfriend’ssister.I’mleavingalltheprocreatingtoyouguys.Butthanksforthinkingofme,Georgie.Isay,givePrincessLowandatheBotox.And,Brinks,ifyouneedmetocometothecityandkicksomeone’sass,youjustsaytheword.
Brinkley
AndthisiswhyHughismyfavoritetoday.
Finn
Becausehe’sabrute?I’malover,notafighter.Sorry,Brinks.
Georgia
Loveyou,guys.Goingtomeetsomefriendsforadrink.I’lltextyoutomorrow.
Cage
GraciekeepscomingoutofherroomafterI’veputhertobed.RemindmetothankMomforlettinghereatanextrapieceofcaketonight.Gottogodealwithafuckingsugarmeltdown.
Aslewofheartemojiscamethrough,andItuckedmyphonebackintomypocketandclimbedoutofthetruck.IsawthelightoninthecasitawhenI’dpulledintothegarage,andIstrodeintothehouse,makingmywaytoherroom.
Iknockedlightlyonthedoortothecasita.
“It’sopen,”shecalledout.
WhenIsteppedintotheroom,itsmelledlikelavenderandhoney—andLila.
Therewasacandleburningonthedresser.Didshehaveacandlethatsmelledjustlikeher?
IchuckledbecausetheroomlookedmuchnicerthanthewayI’dhadit.She’daddedherownbeddingthatwasalotmoregirlythanthebrowndowncomforterI’dhadinhere.I’dtoldhertomaketheplaceherown,andshe’ddefinitelydonethat.
Butitwasn’tthewhiteandpinkbeddingthathadmegaping;itwasthebeautifulwomanwearingapairoftinywhitepajamashortsandalittletanktoplyingonherstomachonthebed,legsbentatherknees,writinginanotebook.Herhairwastiedupinaknotontopofherhead,andsheworenomakeupandlookedfuckingstunning.Shehurriedtositandpulledthenotebookontoherlapandpattedthebedbesideherformetosit.
“Hey.Howdidthedateend?”sheasked,asshebitdownonherbottomlipandwaggledherbrowsplayfully.Isatbesideher,andshenearlytumbledintomylapwhenthemattressdippeddownwithmyweight.Webothchuckled,andIhelpedherstraightenbeforekickingoffmyboots.Webothmovedtositwithourbacksagainsttheheadboard.
“Exactlyhowitstarted.WithBraxpullinghistypicalshitbyofferingmeupandthenbeggingmetogobecausehewantedtotakeoutCarly,andshewouldonlygoifshebroughtBrenna.”
“BrennaWilson?Shewasinyourgrade,right?Acheerleader?”
“Yep.AndsheandCarlyproceededtotakeaboutfifteenshotsoftequila,andBraxjoinedrightin.So,IgotstuckdrivingtheirdrunkasseshomeandpayingthebillbecauseBraxmiraculouslyforgothiswallet.Thefucker.”
Lilawaslaughinghysterically,andsheturnedtolookatme.“Didyougoforthekiss?”
“Whatarewe,girlfriends?”Iteased.
“We’reroommates,andwe’refriends.So,spillit.”
“Well,let’ssee.Brennavomitedbeforeshegotinmytruck,thenagainaftershegotoutofmytruck,andoncemoreonherdoorstepwhenIhelpedhertothefrontdoor.Shewentforthekiss,andIshutthatshitdown.”Ishrugged.“Howaboutyou?How’ditgowithKline?”
“Itwasfine.Thankfully,hedidn’tgoforthekiss,becauseIwouldn’thavewantedhimto,youknow?Buthe’snice,andwe’regoingtodinnerinafewdays,sowe’llsee.”
WhywasIrelievedthatshehadn’thookedupwithhim?
Itdidn’tmatterthereason,really
IwantedthebestforLila,anditsureasshitwasn’tKlineBarley.
“Whatareyouworkingon?”Iasked,glancingdownathernotebook.
Apinkhuecoveredhercheeks,andsheturnedtositonherheelsandfaceme.Icouldn’tlookdownbecauseIwonderedifshewaswearingpantiesbeneaththosetinyshorts,andIdidn’twanttostare.
ThiswasLilafuckingJames.
Whatthehellwaswrongwithme?
“Well,ItoldyouIwasmakingalist.Idon’twanttocallitabucketlistbecausethatsoundslikeI’mdying.So…Ineedtocomeupwithaname.”
“It’sallthethingsyouwanttodowhileyou’rehome,right?”Iasked,tryingtoblockoutthememoryofhertellingmeshewantedtolosehervirginity.Thathadshockedtheshitoutofme.Thethoughtofsomeonetouchingherbotheredme.ButIlikedthatshe’dsharedsomethingsopersonalwithmeatthesametime.
“Yes.LikethingsIwanttoaccomplishorcheckoff,youknow?ThingsIhaven’tmadetimeforbefore.”Shebeamedatmelikethiswasthemostexcitingthingintheworld.
“Likearainy-daylist,”Isaid.
“Exactly.Butit’snotarainyday.”
“HowaboutaSnowDaylist?”Ilaughedbecauseitwasn’tevenfuckingJuneyet,butitwasagoodplayonwordswithhernickname.
“Yes!ASnowDaylist.Iloveit.”ShepulledoutaSharpieandwrotethenewnameonthecoverofhernotebook.
“So,whatdoyouhavesofar?”Iasked,crossingmylegsattheankles.
“Really?Youwanttoknow?”Hertonguepeekedout,andmydickjumpedtoattention.Thefuckerhadn’tdoneanythingwhenBrennaWilsongrippedhimunderthetabletonight,andIhadtopryherhandawayasshehiccuppedagoodfortytimesinarowandthenbrokeoutintoafitofgiggles.Thatshitwasnothappening.Shekeptleaningintotalktome,andherbreathsmelledlikepicklesandpinacoladas,andifIneversmelledeitheragain,I’dbeahappyfuckingcamper.
Iclearedmythroatandshiftedenoughtomakesureshewouldn’tnoticemyragingbonerbeneathmyzipper.“Ido.”
“Bear.Youcan’tbetalkingaboutthiswithTravis.Thisisforme.It’snoneofhisbusiness.”
“Hey,didn’tyoujustsaywe’reroommatesandfriends?Youcantellmeanything.Obviously,ifsomeoneisbotheringyouorifyou’reindanger,Iwouldn’tkeepthatfromTrav.Buthedoesn’tneedtoknowwhat’sonyourlist.”SowhythefuckdidIwanttoknowwhatwasonitsobadly?
“Okay.Youpromise?”Sheheldherpinkyouttome,andIrememberedherteachingmeallaboutpinkypromiseswhenwewereyoung.I’dtrieddoingitwithmybrotherswhohadaslightlydifferentstrategywhenitcametomakingyoukeepyourpromiseswhenwewereyoung,whichwasbasicallythatifyoubrokeyourword,youweregoingtogetyourheadstuckinatoiletwhileFinnflushedrapidlyandCageheldyoustill.TheybothgapedatmeandlaughedtheirassesoffwhenI’dheldupmyfinger.I’dgivenitonefinalshotwithmysister,Brinkley,whotoldmeshedidn’ttrustapinkypromiseandthatI’dneedtoputitinwriting,swearingIwouldn’ttellourparentsthatshebrokethefrontwindowifsheagreedtogivemehericecreamforaweek.Apparently,GeorgiahadbrokenafewpinkypromiseswithBrinkwhenshewasinhertattlingstage,sotheReynoldskidsallrequiredabitmorethanjustapinkypromisewhentheyweremakingadeal.
ButnotLilaJames.
She’dalwaysbeendifferent.
Irolledmyeyesandtuckedmyhairbehindmyearbeforeofferinghermypinky.Shehelditthere,andIdidn’tmissthewayherchestroseandfellrapidlyasImovedcloser.
“WhatamIpromising,Lila?”Iasked.Myvoicewasalltease,butitcameouthuskierthanI’dexpected.
“Repeatafterme.I,Hugh‘Bear’Reynolds,dososolemnlypinkyswearthatIwon’ttellasoulwhat’sonyourSnowDaylist.IalsoswearthatIwon’tbreatheawordofthistoTravis,thatoverbearing,brutofabrotherofyours.”
Ibarkedoutalaughandrepeatedtheridiculouswordswhileourfingersstayedjoinedformuchlongerthannecessary.Mygazezeroedinonherplumplips,andherdarkeyeslockedwithmine.Somethingcausedmetolookdown,andInoticedhernippleswerepokingagainstherthin,whitetanktop,andInearlycameundonerightthere.IquicklypulledmyhandawaywhenmydicktwitchedandremindedmethatIwassittingonabedwithmybestfriend’slittlesisterwhowashotashellandtalkingaboutheruntouchedpussy.
I’mhuman,afterall,andthatwasallIheardeverytimeshetalkedaboutthisfuckinglist.
Ileanedbackagainsttheheadboard.“Allright.Let’shearit.”
“Numberoneistogetmydadintoaprogram.I’vegotanappointmenttogolookattheplacenextweekend.”
“That’sasolidstart,”Isaid,andshesmiled.Shedroppedfromsittingonherheelstosittingonherassandcrossingherlegsinfrontofher.Jesus.Ifshewasn’twearingpanties,Iwouldhaveastraightshotofher—
Stopthinkingwithyourdick,asshole.
Istaredatherface,makingaconsciousdecisionnottoletmygazemovebelowherneck.
“Numbertwoisthebiggy.LosethispeskyV-cardsoitcanstopbeingatopic.Youknow,Mrs.RunitherstraightupaskedmeifIwasstillavirgininthemiddleofherrestaurant,asiftherewassomesortofneonsignonmyforeheadthatsaidnomanwantedtosleepwithme.It’shumiliatingthatthewholetownseemstoknowmybusiness.”
IpushedtomyfeetandflippedtheswitchtoturnontheceilingfanbecauseIwassuddenlysweatinglikearabidanimal.
“FuckMrs.Runither.Thatwomanisinsane.DidIevertellyouabouthercomingtotherestaurantafewmonthsagowithahotelkey?”Isaid,droppingbackdowntositonthebed.Weneededmorefurnitureinhere.Thereshouldbeachairforvisitors.Andmaybeasecondceilingfan.
“No,”shesaidoverafitoflaughter,hereyeswerewideastheydancedwithexcitement.“Whatdidshedowiththekey?”
“SheslippeditintomyhandandtoldmethatMr.Runitherwasgoingonahuntingtrip,andshehadaroomatthatlittlehoteldowntown,ifI’dliketojoinher.”Ishookmyhead.Thewomanwasoldenoughtobemymother.
Lilafellbackonthebedinafitoflaughter,andtherewassomethingaboutthesoundofherlaughthathadalwaysfeltlikehometome.Itwasgenuineandreal,justlikeher.
Shesatbackup.“Stooooop.You’reserious?”
“I’mfuckingserious.”
“Whatdidyoudo?”sheasked,andshewatchedmelikethiswasthemostsinisterthingshe’deverheard.
“Well,Iwenttothehotel,ofcourse.Rockedherfuckingworld.”Ikeptmyvoiceevenbecauseitwasjusttooeasytomesswithher.
“Youdidn’t?”shesaidonagasp.
“You’reright.Ofcourse,Ididn’t.Whatthefuckdoyouthinkofme?”IdoveforwardandtippedherbackasItickledher,andshelaughedhysterically.“DoyouthinkI’mdesperate,Snow?”
Shestoppedlaughing,andherhandcameupassheranherfingersovermyscruff.“Idon’tthinkyou’redesperate,Bear.Ithinkanywomanwouldbeluckytobewithyou.”
“Repeatafterme,”Isaid,reachingforherpinkyfinger.“I,Lila‘Snow’James,knowthatHughReynoldswouldneverjumpinthesackwitholdMrs.Runither.”
Assherepeatedthewordswhilelaughingherassoff,Ituggedherhandupandbitherpinkyfingerjustenoughtomakehersquealasshewrithedbeneathme.
Myphonevibratedinmybackpocket,pullingmefrommydazeasIjumpedbackandmovedtomyfeet.WhatthefuckwasIdoing?
IpulledoutmyphonetoseeatextfromTravis.
“It’syourbrother.He’saskinghowthingswentwithKline.”Iclearedmythroat,tryingtopretendthatIdidn’tlikewhathadjusthappened.ThatIdidn’tlikethefeelofhersoftbodybeneathmineorthewaysheranherfingersalongmybeard.
“TellhimthatI’mstillout,andheshouldmindhisownbusinessbecauseI’manadult.Whydon’tyoutellhimthat?”Shesatup,clearlyaggravatedthathewastextingme.
ItypedaquicktextbacktoTravis,lettinghimknowthatshewashome,andIwasjustsayinggoodnighttoher,andeverythingseemedtogofinewithKline.Ituckedmyphonebackintomypocket.
“Youcan’tbemadattheguyforcaring.Readmetherestofyourlistnowthatyou’veadmittedyouwerewrongtobelieveI’dmesswithamarriedwomanwhowasoldenoughtobemymother.And,fortherecord,Istilldon’tthinkyourvirginitybelongsonagoddamlist.”Icrossedmyarmsovermychest.Iwasn’tgoingtositonthatbedagainbecauseIneededtoputsomespacethere.
“Saystheguywho’snotavirgin.”Shesmirked.“NumberthreeistotelloffDrewComptonformakingoutwithDougy,mypromdate,senioryear.Idon’treallyfeelstronglyaboutthatone.It’smoreforDelbecauseshedespisesher.Idon’tcaremuchforDreworDougy,soatthispoint,I’mfinewithwhathappenedbackthen.”
HowthefuckdoesaguyluckyenoughtotakeLilatoadanceendupmakingoutwithDrewCompton?Thatgirlhadtakenhershotwithmetoomanytimestocount.Iwasprettygoodatreadingpeopleandhadalwaysknownshewastrouble.
“I’dbefinetoseeyoutellheroff.I’mnotafan.Shecheatsonherpoorboyfriendallthetimeatthebar.AndDougy’sanassholefordoingthattoyou.Ican’tbelieveyounevertoldmethat.Iwouldhavebeenalltoohappytopunchhiminthefaceonyourbehalf.”
“ExactlywhyIdidn’ttellyouormybrother.IthinkBraxprobablyheardaboutitbecausehislittlebrotherwasgoodfriendswithDougy.ButhewastheoneIdidn’thavetoworryaboutasmuchasyoutwo.”
Shewasright.BraxwasabitmorerationalwhereLilawasconcerned.He’dalwaysthoughtwewerealittleoverthetop,especiallytheoldershegot.
“Thatdoesn’tsurpriseme.What’snext?”
“Numberfouristogotoabikerbarandflirtwithahotbadboy,”shepurred,andfuckmeifshedidn’tlooksexyashellwhenshewastalkingaboutit.“Numberfivewastogetdrunk,butI’vedonethatnow,andI’mnotinahurrytodoitagain.Istillputitonthelistbecauseit’snicetohaveonetocheckoff.”Shechuckledandreachedforherwaterbottleandtookasip.“NumbersixistoskinnydipoutatCottonwoodCovebecauseitseemslikeariteofpassageforanyonewhogrewuphere,butsomehow,I’veneverdoneit.Haveyou?”
“Doesabearshitinthewoods?Ofcourse,I’vedoneit.Obviously,Igrewupafewblocksfromthecoveandliveevenclosertoitnow.Thetidecomesinlateatnight,andthat’stheperfecttimeforadip.Hell,Istillwalktheresomenightsonmyownwhenit’shotashelloutandjumpintocooloff.”
“Naked?”Hereyesperusedmybodyfrommyfaceallthewaydowntomytoes,andIdidn’tminditonebit.
“It’stheonlywaytoskinnydip,Snow.That’saneasyone.Thoseareallfairlyeasy,andtheydefinitelyshouldnotbeonthesamelistasyourvirginity.”WhywasIsofocusedonthat?Itwasnoneofmyfuckingbusiness.
“WillyougowithmeonenightandstandguardwhileIstripdownandrunintothetidesoIwon’thavetodragthegirlsthere?Sloanewillnotbeabletodoitonanightsheisn’twashingherhair,Rinahatesthewater,andDelstillbelievesthatoldwives’talethatthere’sacreatureinthecoveafterdark.”Shelaughed.
IranahandthroughmyhairandstudiedherasIthoughtaboutit.
“OrIcouldaskKlinetogowithme,”shesaid,raisingabrowwhenIdidn’tanswerquickenough.
“I’llgowithyou.Donotaskanyrandomdudestotakeyoudowntothewatertoskinnydip,norshouldyoubetellingthemthatyouwanttoloseyourvirginity.Gotit?”
“Gotit,Bear.”
“So,that’sit?”Iaskedbecauseshelookedlikeshehadsomethingelseonthelist,butherhandwascoveringthebottomofthenotebook.
“Well,Ihadjustaddedthisonebeforeyouwalkedin,butitseemsstupidtoputitontherebeforeIcheckoffnumbertwo.”Sheshrugged.
“Whatisit?”
“Deltoldmethatshoweringwithamanisprettyamazing.So,IthoughtI’daddittothelist,”shesaid,beforequicklylookingaway.Imovedcloserandplacedmylargehandbeneathherchin,turningherfacetolookatmine.
“Haveyouneverbeentouched,Lila?”
“Ihave.Ofcourse,Ihave.I’vedatedafewguys.ImeanIhaven’tdonealot,andobviously,I’veneverhadsex,andwhenItalkedaboutshoweringwithJeremyonce,hesaidhedidn’tfeelcomfortableshoweringwithmebeforewehadsex,sowejustneverdidit.”
I’dneverbeenmoreturnedoninmylife,watchingthisgorgeouswomanwhowasembarrassedthatshehadn’tdonemuchandhadnocluehowfuckingsexyitwasthatshewascuriousandwantingtoexploreallofthesethingsthatmostpeopletookforgranted.Hell,Iwasoneofthem.Ididn’tthinkmuchaboutanyofthisshitbecauseI’dbeenhavingsexforsolong.
“You’vegottime,Snow.AndJeremyisadickheadforsayingthat.Youdon’thavetohavesexwithsomeonetoshowerwiththem.”
“Haveyoushoweredwithalotofwomen?”sheasked,hereyessearchingmineasIheldmyhandbeneathherchin.
“I’veshoweredwithoneortwo.Inevermuchcaredforitbecauseitfelttoointimate.Butitcertainlydidn’thaveanythingtodowithwhetherornotI’dhadsexwiththem.Itwasmoreaboutfeelingcloseenoughtowanttosharethatwithsomeone.”
“Ithinkitwouldbeevensexiertotakeabathwithsomeone.Haveyoueverdonethat?”sheasked,bitingdownonthatjuicybottomlip.
“Ihavenot.I’mnotabigbathguy.”Ichuckled.“Youalwayswereabathgirl,weren’tyou?IrememberTravisusedtobangonthebathroomdoorbecauseyou’dbeinthereforsolong.”
Myvoicewasgruff,andIknewIwasmessingwithfiretalkingaboutthisshitwithher.
“I’llalwayspickabathoverashower.It’sjustmorerelaxing,youknow?ThatwaswhatImostlookedforwardtoaftereveryrace.”
Iglancedoveratthedoorleadingtoherbathroom.“Iknowthere’sjustashowerinthere,butyouknowyou’rewelcometousemytubinmybathroomanytime,right?”
“Ahhh…Imighttakeyouuponthat.I’malittlesoreaftermyrunthismorning.”
Iranmythumboverhercheekbeforesteppingbackandwalkingtowardthedoor.
“Anytime.”
“Thanks,Bear.AndI’mdefinitelyaddingthattothelist.”
Bathingwithaman.
Fuckme.
IneededtogetoutofherebeforeIdidsomethingIcouldn’ttakeback.
TooksomethingIdidn’tdeserve.
Iwasn’tthatman.
“Goodnight,Snow.”
Shestareddownathernotebook,writingquickly,butsheglancedupandsmiled.
“Goodnight.Thanksforhelpingme.Ican’twaittostartcheckingthingsoffthelist.”Shelaughed,andIshookmyhead,tuggingthedooropen.
Thefirstthingonmylisttonight…
Acoldfuckingshowerandadatewithmyrighthand.
I’dnevercrossthelinewithmybestfriend’slittlesisterinreallife,butinfantasy…
IwasgoingtoletmyselfenjoyeverydirtythoughtIhadaboutLilaJames.eightLila
HughandIhadfallenintoarhythmoverthelastweek.Ihandledthebooksatallthreelocations,andIhadtakenovertheschedulingforhim,aswell.We’dcomeupwithaplantoincreasestaffingateachlocation,butthefocuswasmostlyonReynolds’asitwasthebusiestbyfar.Hewasrunningafewinterviewstoday,andmyhopewasthatthiswouldlightenhisload.Themanwasburningthecandleatbothends,andIknewhe’deventuallyburnoutifhedidn’tgetthingsundercontrol.Ilikedhelpinghimorganizehisbusinesses.ThefinancialshadbeensupereasytoinputonQuickBooks,andIshowedhimhowtocategorizeeverything.He’dbeendoingalotofitbyhand,andhewasn’tkeepingup.Nowthingswereup-to-dateandrunningsmoothly.
I’djumpedbehindthebarlastnightwithJoseph,anotherbartender,asKlinehadbeenoffbothyesterdayandtoday,andI’dhelpedmanagetherushwhileHughwasbusyinthekitchenhelpingtheservers.I’dlovedworkingbehindthebar.I’dpickedthingsupquickly,andithadbeenalotoffun.Del,Sloane,andRinahadcomebyforadrink,andthey’dbeenthrilledtofindmebehindthebar.WehadplanstogotothebikerbarthisweekendafterItouredHavenwood,thefacilitythatIwaslookingatformydad.
Thingswerefallingintoplaceforme,andIwashappy.Itfeltgoodtojustenjoyeachdayasitarrived.IwasrunninginthemorningsandgoingasfarasIfeltlikegoing,astherewasnosetworkoutthatIhadtocomplete.HughandIatebreakfasttogethereverymorning,andthenwe’dheadtoworkandusuallyendupeatingdinnertogetherandheadinghomeatthesametime.
Ileanedbackinmychairasmyphonerang,andIsawmyfather’sfaceonthescreen.
“Hey,Dad,”Isaid,holdingthephoneupashewasFaceTimingme.
“Hi,sweetheart.IwantedyoutoknowthatIwenttoworktodayattheautoshop,andI’mhomenowandgoingtomakealittledinnerandwatchsomeTV.”Hewassittingonthecouch,andIquicklyassessedthathewassober.
He’dbeendoingthesecheck-inseversinceImovedintoHugh’shouseonthedaysthatIdidn’tmakeitovertoseehim.Iappreciatedthathewastryingbecausenoneofthiswouldworkifhedidn’t.
“That’sgreat,Dad.I’mproudofyou.Onedayatatime,right?”Iencouraged.
Henodded.“Onedayatatime,sweetheart.”
“Ihavethatappointmentthisweekend,soI’llgetalltheinformationandbringthatovertoyou.”
Hestaredatthephonescreenforalongmomentbeforespeaking.“Soundsgood.Youknow,sometimes,youtakemybreathawaybecauseyoulooksomuchlikeyourmother.Imisshereveryday.”
Alumpformedinmythroat.“Me,too,Dad.Andit’sokaytomissher.Justdon’ttrytonumbthosefeelingsaway,okay?Missingsomeoneyouloveispartofgrieving.Itsucks,anditisn’tfairthatshe’sgone—butshewouldwantustoliveagoodlife,wouldn’tshe?”
“You’reright.Ofcourse,yougotyoursmartsfromher,too.”Hechuckled.“God,shewouldbesoproudofyouandTravis.I’mgoingtomakeyouguysproudthistime.IpromiseIwill.”
“Youdon’tneedtopromiseanything,Dad.Youjustneedtodothisforyourightnow.Wouldn’titfeelsogoodtonotbeaslavetothisaddictionafteralltheseyears?Tojustwakeupandnothavetobattleiteveryday?Iknowit’seasiersaidthandone,butI’mheretosupportyoueverystepoftheway.”
“I’msogladyou’rehome.Theselastfewyearswithoutmysunshinearoundhavebeentough,eventhoughIhavelovedwatchingyouaccomplishsomuch.I’mjust—well,I’mjusthappiestwhenyou’recloseby.”
“Me,too,”Isaid,blinkingafewtimesbecausemyeyeswerewellingwithemotion.
“Allright.I’mgoingtogoheatupthatlasagnayoumadeforme.Iswear,youfrozeenoughmealstofeedmeforthreemonths.”
“Eatingwellisimportant,too.”Ishrugged.Myfatherhadgottenverythin,andIknewhedidn’tbotherpreparinghealthymealsforhimselfbecausehehadn’tdoneitwhenweweregrowingup.
Wesaidourgoodbyes,andIleanedbackinthechairjustasthedoorswungopenandasexy-as-sinHughReynoldsstoodinthedoorway,leaningagainstthedoorjamb.Heworeawrinkledwhitebuttonupandsomecargopants.Hiswavyhairstoppedathisshouldersandwasadisheveledmess,yethemanagedtobethebest-lookingmanI’deverlaideyeson.
“Takeabreak.TravisisherepickingupfoodforShay,andsomeoneelseisaskingforyou.”Hesmirked,andIsqueezedmythighstogetherbecausetherewasjustsomethingaboutthewaythosesage-greeneyeslookedatmelately.
“Who?”IaskedasIpushedtomyfeetbecauseIwasgladmybrotherwashere.I’dgonebytoseehimandShaylastnight,butI’dspentthewholetimetalkingtoherandbarelyaskedhowhewasdoing.
Hughsmiled.“It’sCoachLewis,andhejustgotbackintown.”
IranpastHughandsprinteddownthehallwayandupthestairstotherestaurant,hearinghimlaughbehindme.Hugh’sofficewasinthebasement,butIcouldn’twaittoseeCoachLewis.He’dbeenoutoftownsinceI’dbeenbackhome.Myhighschoolcoachwaslikeasecondfathertomeinalotofways.
Traviswasstandingatthebartalkingtohim,andIlungedattheolderman.
“Theresheis,”hesaidashewrappedhisarmsaroundme.
“Ithoughtyouweren’tgettingbackuntilnextweek?”
“Yeah,well,Brendagothomesickforthedogs,andCoachCallawayhasn’tbeenpushingthepracticesthewayIdo,”hesaidwithachuckle.CoachCallawaywashisassistantcoach,andthemanwasabigsofty,sothatdidn’tsurpriseme.CoachLewis’swife,Brenda,wasoneofmyfavoritepeopleinCottonwoodCove,andI’dalwayslovedthembothdearly.
“Well,I’mgladyoucamebackearly.”
“Me,too.Andstandingherelookingatacollegiatenationalchampion.Doyouknowhowimpressivethatis,girl?”heteased.
“Itellherthatallthetime,”Travissaid,beamingdownatmelikehealwaysdidwhenhewasn’tbeingadomineering,stubbornass.
“Yeah,yeah,yeah.I’mjusthappytoseeyou.”
“How’sworkingatReynolds’?Thisplacehasbeenthehottestrestaurantintownsinceitopened,anditdoesn’tlooklikeit’slettingupanytimesoonfromwhatIcantell.That’swhyIthoughtI’dcomeandhitHughupatthesametimeIcametoseethesuperstar.”
“WhatcanIdoforyou?”Hughaskedashischestgrazedmyback,andcedarandmintfloodedmysenses,perusual
“Well,IwasgoingtoseeifyouandLilawouldstopbyourboothattheCottonwoodFair,”CoachLewissaid.“Werentedalargespacethisyeartohaveallthefamiliescomeoutandkickofftheseason.Iknowyou’recateringforthefair,butIwashopingyou’dcutmeadealonprovidingsomeappetizersforourbooth,”hesaid.
“Ithinkwecouldprobablydonatethefood,pendingmynewchieffinancialofficerdoesn’thaveaproblemwithit,”Hughteased.Themanwasridiculouslygenerous,andIlovedthatabouthim,butIwasalsoanumbersperson,andtherewereareashecouldtightenthingsup.Charitywasnotoneofthem.Therewasalwaysroomtogivebacktoyourcommunity.
“Ithinkwecouldmakethatwork.”Ichuckled.
“Thanks.ButIdon’tmindpayingforthecostofthefood,”CoachLewissaid,andHughshookhisheadasifitweren’tupfordiscussion.Theoldermansmiledandnoddedbeforeturninghisattentiontome.“And,ofcourse,themainreasonIstoppedbyistoseeifyouwouldcomespeaktothekidsaboutyourjourneytobeingthemostdecoratedrunnerinthestateofCaliforniatodate,thengoingofftooneofthebestuniversitiesinthecountrytogetyourdegreeandwinacollegiatenationaltitleatthesametime.”Heshookhisheadandsmiled.
Themanhadalwaysbeenahugesupporttome.He’dpushedmewhenI’dneededit,andhe’dbelievedinmewhenIdidn’tbelieveinmyself.
“Ofcourse.I’dbehonoredtospeaktothem.”Isighed.I’dmissed…this.Beinghomeandseeingpeoplethathadbeenapartofmylifeforsuchalongtime.I’dbeensobusytheselastfewyearsthatI’dforgottenhowmuchImissedhome.
“Andyousurelookgood,LilaJames.Youlook…happy.I’mreallygladyou’rehome.”
“Justforthesummer.She’sgotabigjobwaitingforherbackinChicagocomeSeptember.Thisisjusttemporary,”Travissaid,anditwasmaybethehundredthtimeI’dheardhimexplainthattoanyoneandeveryonewhoI’dspokentoaroundhim.
“Well,therearebigjobshere,too.Youknow,ifyoueverwanttobeacoach,thekidssurewouldloveit.HavingthefamedLilaJamesoutthereteachingthemhersecrets,I’dbewillingtopassthetorchtoyouanyday.”Hewinked.
Travis’seyesdoubledinsize.“Imean,shecouldgohelpoutuntilsheleaves,butitwouldn’tbelongterm.She’sgotbigthingstogetbackto.”
IfeltHugh’sshouldersstiffenfrombehindmeasifevenhethoughtmybrotherwasbeingabitmuchaboutit.CoachLewislookedbetweenTravisandme.“Idon’tthinkthisisagirlyoueverneedtoworryabout,Travis.She’sworkedhardherwholelife.Ithinkshe’searnedtherighttochooseherownpath,don’tyou?”
“Hell,yeah.It’sjustnotgoingtobehere.She’sgotsomanymoreopportunitiesinChicago.”
“Ohmygosh,”Igroaned.“You’reactinglikeoneofthoseobnoxious,overbearingparents,Trav.PeoplearegoingtostartcallingyouKaren.”
“Whatthehelldoesthatmean?”
“Dude.Youcouldstopremindingeveryonethatshe’sleaving.Weallknow.Butthistownisgoodenoughforeveryoneyou’retalkingto,soitmightstarttorubpeoplethewrongwayifyoukeepinsistingthatsheneedstogetthehelloutofhere,”Hughsaid,andhechuckled,butIcouldtellhewasfrustratedwithTravis,too.We’dbeenspendingalotoftimetogether,andIwasgettingprettygoodatreadinghim.Anditwasnicetohavesomeoneonmysidewhenitcametomybrother.
“Whatever.CallmeTravis,callmeKaren,callmefuckingoverbearing.Iwantthebestforyou.Endofstory.AnddoesCoachLewisknowthatyou’regoingoutwiththatjackassKlinetonight?”
“Idon’tknowanythingaboutadate,butit’snotreallymybusiness,isit?”CoachLewissaid,alsoappearingannoyedwithmybrother.
Igroanedatthechangeintopic.“Ofcourse,youdon’tknowanythingaboutit.Youjustgothere.AndI’mnotdatingKline.It’sdinner.Weworktogether.We’refriends.Whydoyoumakeeverythingsuchabigdeal?”IshotahardlookatTravis.
“Well,luckyforme,I’vegotHughlookingoutforyou,soIdon’tneedtoworry.”
CoachLewissmiled.“Hugh’sasgoodastheycome.I’dsayyou’reingoodhands.Howaboutyoucomebythehousenextweekandwecancatchup?”
“I’dlovethat.”
Heleanedforwardandhuggedme.“It’sgoodtoseeyou,girl.Travis,youcanprobablytoneitdownalittlewiththisone.She’salwaysbeenabletotakecareofherself.AndIheardShay’spregnant,soyou’vegotplentyonyourownplate.”
“That’sforfuckingsure.”Travisranahandthroughhishairbeforeclappingtheoldermanontheshoulder.“Itwasgoodtoseeyou,Coach.”
“You,too.Hugh,I’llshootyouanemailwithallthedetails,andI’llcountonseeingbothofyouattheevent?”
“We’llbethere,”Isaid,beforeheturnedandwalkedoutthedoor.
“Whyareyousuchanasshole?”Ihissedatmybrother,andHughbarkedoutalaugh.
“What?You’renotgoingtobeacoachatasmall-townhighschool,Lila.You’vegotajobofferatoneofthelargestFortune500companiesinthecountry.Ididn’twanthimtogethishopesup.”
“Iloveyou,Trav.Butsometimesyoujust—”Ilookedaway.
“What?”
“Nevermind.IwantedtoletyouknowthatI’mgoingtotourHavenwood,thatrehabplaceItoldyouaboutontheoutskirtsoftown,onSaturdayforDad.Iwantedtoseeifyou’dgowithme?”
“You’reserious?”
IfeltHugh’sfingerstroketheoutsideofmyhand.Itwastheslightestmovement,butitcomfortedme.Mybrothercouldbeastubbornass,andithelpedtoknowIhadHugh’ssupport.
“I’mveryserious.Dadisopentoit.Heneedshelp,andthisplacehasagreatsuccessrate.We’venevertriedanythingoutsideofyougettingangryandDadrepeatingthesamepatternsoverandover.”
“That’sonhim,notme.Andwhothefuckispayingforit?Comeon,Lila.Howmanytimescanthismanletyoudown?”hehissed.
“Apparently,onemore,becauseI’mnotgivinguponhim.”
“No.We’renotdoingthis.I’mnotspendingapennytohelpamanwhowon’thelphimself.”
“I’mnotaskingyoutopayforit.Theyhavefinancing.Ihaveafewideasforhowtocoverthecost.I’mjustaskingyoutocomewithme.”
Hescrubbedahanddownhisface.“IhavetoworkSaturday.Let’sdoitanothertime.”
Iknewwhathewasdoing.HewashopingI’dgiveup.Buthewasbettingonthewronghorsebecausethatwasn’tgoingtohappen.Ididn’tgiveuponpeople.
ThatwasTravis’sMO.Ididn’tfaulthimforit,butIdidn’tappreciatehimfaultingmeforwantingtotry.
Forcaring.
“WhatifIgowithher?”Hughsaid,catchingusbothoffguard.
Travisstudiedhimandthennodded.“Fine.Hughcantalksomesenseintoyou.Thanks,brother.”
“Ofcourse,”hesaid,justasDaniellecameovertohandTravishisbagofto-gofood.Hethankedherasshehurriedbacktothekitchen,andheturnedbacktome.
“Don’tbepissedatme.Ijustdon’twanttoseeyougethurt.”Mybrotherkissedthetopofmyheadbeforefist-bumpingHugh.“Thanks,dude.I’llcallyoulater.”
Hewalkedoutoftherestaurant,andIshookmyhead.
“Whyishesuchajerksometimes?”IaskedasHugh’sgazesearchedmine.
“He’sonlythiswaywithyou,andyouknowwhy,Snow.Itdoesn’tmakeitright,butheobviouslyhashisreasons.”
“Igotsickasakidandendedupinthehospital.Dadcheckedoutasaparentforfartoolong.Igetit.Peoplemakemistakes.Canyouimaginebeingjudgedyourentirelifebyyourworstmoment?Themanlosthiswife.Hespiraled.IfIcanforgivehim,whycan’tTravis?”Wewerestandingnearthebar,andIglancedaroundtomakesurenoonewaslistening.
“It’smorethanthat.Itwastheneglectthatledtoyougettingsosickandthenyoutwobeingseparatedforafewweeksafterallofthatwentdown.Hechangedafterthat,youknow?Hesworehe’dprotectyou,andhe’sheldhimselftoit.”Hughranahanddownhisfaceasifhewastornbetweendefendinghisbestfriendandbeingrational.
IunderstoodTraviswantingtoprotectme,buthewaspunishingmenow,too.PushingmeawayfrommyhomeandthepeopleIloved.ThehomeIloved.AfatherthatIloved.
“Trustme.Ilivedit.Iremember.ButI’vemovedon.AndIthinkhe’spushingmeawaybecauseit’seasierforhimwhenI’mnothere.”Ilookedawayandshookmyhead.“Yet,IliveinoneofthemostdangerouscitiesintheUS,andhe’sfinewithit.He’sonlygotaproblemwithmebeinghere.Hecan’tstandtheideathatIstillloveourfather.”
“Hey,I’lltalktohim,allright?I’mhavinglunchwithhimandBraxtomorrow.”
Iglanceddownatmyphoneandnoticedthetime.“Thanks,Bear.I’vegottogomeetKlinefordinnernow.”
“He’snotpickingyouup?”
“No.IsaidIpreferredtowalk.We’rejustgoingtoAndersSteakhouse,andthenI’llbehomeafter.Yougotahotdatetonight?”Iasked,allwhileholdingmybreathasIwaitedforhimtorespond.Wewerespendingalotoftimetogether,andthethoughtofhimoutwithawomanbotheredme.Iknewitshouldn’t.Hell,Iwasgoingonadate,evenifIdidn’tfeellikegoing.
“I’mhavingdinnerwithmydad,Cage,andFinntonight.It’sourmonthlyReynoldsboys’nightout.”Hechuckled.“Callmeifyouneedaride,allright?”
TherewassomethinginhisgazethatIcouldn’tplace.WasheupsetthatIwasgoingoutwithKline?OrwasIreadingintoitbecauseapartofmewantedhimtobebotheredbyit?
“Thanks.I’llbefine.”Iheldupmyhandandwavedbeforeheadingoutthedoor.IwasinafoulmoodaftermyconversationwithTravis.Ineededtoshakeitoff.
AndersSteakhousewasonlyablockaway,andthebreezefromthewatermovedaroundmeasIbreathedintheoceanair.Ilovedithere.Sure,thereweresomehardmemories,butCottonwoodCovewashome.
KlinewasstandingoutsidetherestaurantwhenIcamearoundthecorner,andhisfacelitupwhenhesawme.“Iwishyouwouldhaveletmepickyouup.Ifeellikeadouchebagmeetingyouhere.”
Ichuckledashewrappedhisarmsaroundmeforaquickhug.“Icamefromwork,anditwasablockaway.Idohavemyowncar,bytheway,butIlikewalking.”
Henoddedandheldthedooropenformeaswesteppedinside.Ididn’trecognizethehostess,butshegreeteduswithawarmhelloandledustoourtableintheback.
“LilaJames?Isthatyou?”ItwasMarileeCompton,Drew’smother,wavingmeoverlikewewereoldfriends.Weweren’t.She’dbeenoneofthepeoplewhohadspreadalotofrumorsaboutmyfatheraroundtown,andI’dneverlikedher.Andtheappledidn’tfallfarfromthetreewithherdaughter.Herhusbandsmiledandhelduphishand.
“Hi,Mr.andMrs.Compton.It’snicetoseeyou.”
“Ididn’tknowyouwerebackintown.Drewdidn’tmentionit,”shesaidonagasp,likeitwasshockingnews.MeandDrewweren’tfriends,soIwasn’tsurewhyshethoughtherdaughterwouldknowIwashomeorwhyshe’dcare
“Yep.I’mbackforafewmonthsandworkingatReynolds’,helpingoutHugh.”
“Congratulations.Iheardyouwonnationals.That’sanamazingaccomplishment,”Mr.Comptonsaid,seeminggenuinelyhappyforme.
“Thankyou.”Ismiledandthenshruggedawkwardly.“Andnow,I’vegraduatedandI’mbackhomeforthesummertospendsometimewithmyfamily.”
“Youknow…goodforyou,”Marileesaidassheshookherhead.Hereyestraveledallovermyfaceasifshewerememorizingeverydetail.“Nooneeverthoughtyou’dturnoutthiswell.Whatanicesurprise.”
Apitinmystomachwrenched,andIfelttheblooddrainfrommyfaceatherwords.She’dsaidwhatIalwaysimaginedpeoplewerethinking.IhatedthatpeopledecidedwhoI’dbebasedontheeventsthathappenedinmychildhood.ThiswaswhatTraviswasalwaystryingtoprotectmefrom.MaybeIwasbeingtooharshwithhim.
“Yep.Evenwithallshewentthroughasakid,sheendedupbeingarockstar.”Klinewinkedatme,andIwantedtothroat-punchhimforjumpingonthebandwagon.
Fornotbeingappalledbywhatshe’djustsaid.
Iwantedtotellthemalltofuckoff.
Totellthemthatthosecommentshaveawayofmakingapersonfeelsmall.
ToremindthemthatthosesamecommentswereswirlingaroundwhenIwasakid,andIheardeverylastoneofthem.
ThepitytheyfeltformeandTravis
Theyonlymademepushmyselfharder
ButIwouldn’tgivethemthesatisfactionofknowingthat.
I’djustholdmyheaduphighandbeverycarefulwhoIallowedinmycircle.
JustlikeIalwayshad.nineHugh
“Well,thatwasgood,”myfathersaidashefinishedoffthelastofthepeachcobblerwe’dorderedforthetable.
“I’mgladwestoppedgoingtoReynolds’orGarrity’s,becauseit’snicetoseeHughactuallyremainatthetablewhileweeat.”Cagesmirked.Myfatherhadinsistedwegosomewhereelsestartingthismonth,becausethelastfewtimeswe’dgoneout,I’dendedupinthekitchenordealingwithsomesortofworkdrama.
“Agreed.Goodideaonthatone,Pops,”Finnsaid.“Youseemalotmorerelaxednowthatyou’vebroughtLilaonboard.”
“She’salreadyhelpedmeaton,”Isaid,checkingmyphoneforthehundredthtimetoseeifshe’dtextedme,andshehadn’t.Ididn’twanttobeoverbearinglikeTravis,soIdidn’ttexther,eventhoughIwantedto.ButIwantedtomakesureshegothomesafely.
“You’vesurebeencheckingthatphonealotmorethanusual.Youwaitingforabootycall?”Cageaskedwithalaugh,andmyfathersmiledandshookhishead.He’draisedthreeboys;hewasnotcluelessaboutwhatwenton.Noneofuswerecurrentlyinrelationships,andweallenjoyedwomenasmuchasthenextguy—soheknewwhatwewereupto.AlthoughCagewasinadifferentboatthesedaysashewasbusyraisinghisdaughteronhisown.
“I’llhaveyouknowIhaven’tgottenlaidinquiteawhile.Itmayevenbearecord,”Isaid,andmyfatherrolledhiseyes.
“Youmightjustbegrowingup,son.”
“I’mamoodyfuckerwhenIgotoolong,”Finnsaidwithashrug,andwealllaughed.
“Sothen,whyareyoucheckingyourphonelikeafuckingteenagegirl?”Cageasked.
“IwasjustcheckingtoseeifLilaneededaridehome.”
TheyallthreestartedlaughingliketheywereinonsomeinsidejokethatIwasn’tawareof.
“Letmeaskyousomething,”Finnsaid,leaninginclosetome.“DidthisnewfoundcelibacystartwhenLilaJamesmovedintoyourcasitaandstartedworkingforyou?”
“What?No.Itstartedbeforethat.Thereisnothinggoingonthere.Areyoufuckingkiddingme?Travwouldlosehismind.She’sjusthereforalittlewhile.We’refriends,nothingmore.”
“Shelooksgood,though,”Cagesaid,wagglinghisbrows,knowinghewasgettingundermyskin.
“Thatmakesyouadirtyoldman.She’stooyoungforyou.Andyoucouldn’tsurvivethewrathofTrav.”Ilaughed.
“Soprotective,brother.Iseethewayyoulookather,”Finnsaid.“Youmaybeabletohideitfromyourbestfriend,butyouknowtheReynoldsbrothershaveagift.Wecanseethroughthebullshit.”
“Oh,yeah?Wherewasthatgiftwhenthisoneshavedoffyoureyebrowincollege?”Ilaughed.Finncouldturnonthedramaticswheneverhewantedto.Itwastheactorinhim.Buthe’dlosthisshitwhenCagepulledthatstunt.
“Don’tgothere.”Hepointedhisfingeratmeandthenatouroldestbrother,andmyfathersatbackwatchingwithabig,goofysmileonhisface.“Youknowmyfaceismymoneymaker,sothatwasalowblow.”
“Thenyoushouldn’thavetoldElaineBridgesthatIwasintoher.”Cageshookhisheadwithdisgust.
“Shetoldmeshehadmadeanentirebulletinboardthatwascoveredinphotosofyou.WhatwasIsupposedtodo?”
“Um,nothing?She’sastage-fiveclinger.Weneverevendated.She’salsomucholderthanme.I’mjustfuckingthankfulshemovedawaybecausethatwasaroughcoupleofweeks.”
“AndIseeourdearbabybrotherdidawonderfuljobofdeflectingtheconversation.Justadmityouwanther.Ownit,dicklicker.”Finnsmirked.
“Nevergoingtohappen.I,unlikeyoutwo,amamanincontrolofbothmyemotionsandmydick.Sorryyouhavetositthroughthistonight,Pops,”Isaid,winkingatmydad.
“YouknowIlovesomegoodReynoldsbrotherbanter.”Hesmirked.“ButI’mjustgoingtosaythis,andwe’lldropit.”
“Ahhhh…IlovewhenPopsgiveshiswordsofwisdom.”Finnclappedhishandstogether.
“Let’shearit,oldwiseone.”Cagechuckled.
“Watchyourself,buddy.I’mnotthatold.”Myfatherturnedhisattentiontome.“Theheartwantswhattheheartwants.”
Igrunted.“That’syouradvice?You’vebeenwatchingtoomanysappymovieswithMom.”
“Thatwasalittlecheesy,dude.Evenforyou,”Finnsaidasheshookhishead.
“Hey,itmaybecheesy,butit’strue.Iwasn’tlookingforanythingwhenImetyourmom.Shewaswaytoogoodforme,andIknewit,butlookatus.Fivekidslater,andwe’vebuiltthisgreatlifetogether.Youknowwhy?”Heraisedabrowandtookhistimelookingateachofus.
“Becausetheheartwantswhatthefuckingheartwants,”Isaid,andthetableeruptedinlaughter.
“Takeitorleaveit,boys.Idon’tworryaboutthisone,”hesaid,slappingmeontheback.“He’sgotagoodheadonhisshoulders,andlikeI’vealwayssaid,youknowwhenyouknow.”
“Wow.Thisisreallyrivetingadvice,Pops.Theheartwantswhattheheartwants,andyouknowwhenyouknow,”Cagesaidafterwepaidthecheckandallpushedtoourfeet.“It’sagoodthingMom’sthetherapist.”
“Youlosingit,oldman?”Finnteased.
Morelaughtereruptedaswemadeourwayoutside.
“Hey,I’masimpleman,butIspeakthetruth.Alwaystrustthis.”Myfatherclaspedahandoverhisheart.“It’sgottenmeeverythingthatmattersinmylife.”
“You’reawiseman,”Isaid,pullingmydadinforahugbecausehehappenedtobeoneofmyfavoritepeopleontheplanet.IwenttohimeverytimeIneededguidance,andhe’dneverfailedme.
Weallsaidourgoodbyes,andIknewtheywerejustrazzingme.ButIalsoknewIneededtobecarefulwhereLilawasconcerned.
Ilikedhangingoutwithherallthetime,butitconcernedmethatIthoughtaboutherwhenweweren’ttogether.
Iknewbetter,yetIstruggledwithdoingtherightthingwhenitcametoher.
Ipulledinthegarage,andwhenIsteppedinsidethehouse,thedoortothecasitaflewopen.“You’refinallyhome?”shegasped.
Iraisedabrowbecauseshelookedangry.“Iam.AmInotsupposedtobe?”
“No.Ofcoursenot.Ijust—Iwaswaitingforyou.”Sheshruggedandthenwavedmetowardherroom.Ifollowedherinsideassheslippedonherflip-flops.“I’mgoingtoCottonwoodCovetoskinnydip.Areyoucomingwithme?”
Ain’tthatthemillion-dollarquestion.
“DidsomethinghappenwithKline?”Myhandsfistedatmysides.Shewasoff,andLilawasn’tahothead,sosomethinghadobviouslyhappened.
“Kline’sfine,buthe’snotworthmytimeanymore.It’stimetofocusonthelist.”
Iclearedmythroat.Ididn’tcompletelytrustmyselfaroundher.
Shewaswearingapairofcutoffjeanshortsandawhitetanktop.Definitelynotwhatshe’dleftReynolds’inwhenshe’dgonetomeetKlinefordinner.Herlong,darkhairwaspulledupinaponytail,andshequicklystalkedpastme,headingforthedoor.
“Youseemalittleupset.Whydon’twetalkaboutithere?There’snorushtocheckthingsoffthelist.Thewaterwillstillbetheretomorrow.”
Shewhippedaround.“I’mtiredofwaitinguntiltomorrow.Mywholelifehasbeenabouttomorrow.I’mdoingthisrightnow,withorwithoutyou.”
Igroanedandfollowedheroutthedoor.Isureasshitwasn’tgoingtolethergodowntothecoveandstripnakedalone.
Atleast,thatwaswhatIwastellingmyself.
Wewalkedinsilenceforabouthalfablock,sidebyside.
“Yougoingtotellmewhathappened?”
Shecametoastopandshookherhead.“That’sthething.Nothinghappened,perse.It’sthesameoldshit,differentday,Bear.It’smybrotherandhisirrationalbehavior.It’sthewayeveryonegossipsaboutmyfather.Andtonight,wewereattherestaurant,andthatdamnMrs.Comptonwasrunninghermouth.”
Sheturnedaroundandstartedstormingtowardthewateragain.Herponytailswayedfromsidetosidedownherback.Herlong,leanlegsmovedbriskly,andherperfectasswasimpossibletolookawayfrom.Therewasapathattheendofmystreetthatledthroughthetreesanddowntothewater.Shemaneuveredaroundthebranchesinthedarklikesheknewthisplacewell,soIassumedshemustberunningoverhereinthemornings.
“Whatdidshesay?She’salwaysbeenanasshole,justlikeherdaughter.”
Shestoppedagain,mychestslammingintohersasshe’dcaughtmeoffguardwhenshe’dhalted.Thelightfromthemoonpeekeddownthroughthetallevergreensandshonedownonherprettyface.“Shemadeacomment,anditpissedmeoff.Becauseit’swhateveryonethinksaboutme,youknow?”
“Tellme,”Isaid,movingcloserasIshovedabranchawayfrommyhead.
“ShesaidthatIturnedoutbetterthananyoneexpected,asifIshouldhavebeenatrainwreckandit’ssuchapleasantsurprisethatIactuallymadesomethingofmyself.”Atearrolleddownhercheek,andIswipeditawaywiththepadofmythumb.
“Fuckher.WhatdidKlinesay?”
“Heagreedwithher!”sheshouted.Sheturnedandmarchedtowardthelittlebeachentrybesidethewater.Thetidewascomingin,andthewaveslappedagainsttheshore.“Asifheknewwhatashitshowmychildhoodwasandcouldn’tjumponthebandwagonfastenough.”
Ifollowedherdownthepath,myvoicecalmandeven.“Hey.”
Shecametoanabruptstopandwhippedaround.“What?”
“Thewaythey’resayingitsoundslikeabackhandedcompliment,butthetruthis,they’reright,Snow.”
Sheplacedherhandsonherhips,hermouthhangingopen.“So,youexpectedmetobeafailure,too?”
Ichuckled.“No.Don’tputwordsinmymouth.Someone’sbeingalittledramaticnow,yeah?”
“Dramatic?How?Doyouknowhowitfeelstoknowthateveryoneexpectedyoutofail?Howexhaustingitistoprovethatyou’reworthy?Andthenwhenyoufinallyproveyourself,everyonetellsyouhowshockingitis?”
“Stopoverthinkingit.Ithasnothingtodowithwhathappenedinyourchildhood.Theshityou’veaccomplishedisfuckingbadass.You’reanationalchampion,Lila.Thebestcollegiatefemaledistancerunneroutthere.That’sfuckingamazing.AndIdon’tgiveashitifyourdadwasdrunkorsoberorifyourchildhoodwasmesseduporperfect.You’veaccomplishedshitmostpeoplecouldn’tdreamof.Nottomention,beingastraightAstudentatoneofthemostcompetitiveuniversitiesinthecountry.Ownthatshit.You’vegotnothingmoretoprove.Justholdyourheadup,lookthemintheeyes,andsay,Damnstraight,asshole.”
Hereyeswidened,andsheshrugged.“Neverthoughtaboutitlikethat.”
“You’realwaysgoingtohavepeoplewhoaren’thappyforyoursuccess,butonlyyoucontrolhowyourespondtoit.”
“Fairpoint.ButKlinejumpedonthattrainsofastlikeheknewmywholestory.NooneknowsmywholestoryoutsideofyouandTravisandmaybeBrax.Justthestuffthey’veheard.Theydon’tknowwhatagoodmanmyfatherisorallthathe’sbeenthrough.”
“It’snoone’sfuckingbusiness.AndItoldyouKlinewasn’ttheguyforyou.So,ifyoukickhisasstothecurb,I’llbefinewithit.”Ismirked
“Ibetyouwill,Bear.Fine.I’vegottogetintomybirthdaysuitandmarchintothetide.TheleastIcandoischecksomethingoffthedamnlisttoday.”
Ichuckled.“Whyisthissoimportanttoyou?”
“BecauseIjustwanttofeelnormalforonceinmylife.I’vebeensobusytryingtoproveIhaveittogetherthatIstoppedlivingsomewherealongtheway.Andfearhasbeendrivingmeforalongtime.Ijustgotdrunkforthefirsttimeinmyliferecently;Ihaven’thadsexyetorshoweredwithaman.I’vebeensofocusedonachievingthingsthatI’vebeenmissingout.Ihaven’thadatonoffuninmylife.”Sheshrugged.“So,I’mchangingthatnow.”
“Yousureare.”Ismirked.
“So,areyoujustgoingtowatchmeorjoinme?”sheaskedassheunzippedherjeanshortsandstartedslidingthemdownherlegsasalittlewhitelacepeekedout.
GoodChrist.
IletoutalongsighbeforeturningaroundsoIhadmybacktoher.“Youdoknowyourbrotherwillcutoffmyfuckingballsanddisownmeforskinnydippingwithyou,right?”
Shebrokeoutinhystericallaughter.“Comeon,Bear.Aren’tyoutheonewhojusttoldmenottolistentowhatotherpeoplethink?Whydon’tyoujustlookhimintheeyesandsay,Damnstraight,asshole.”Shechuckled,throwingmywordsbackatme.“Andit’snotlikeIhaven’tseenanakedmanbefore.Ijusthaven’thadsexwithone.Don’tbeababy.”
“I’mnotbeingababy.I’mtryingtoberespectful,forfuck’ssake.”I’dseenmorenakedwomenthantheaverageman.ButthiswasLila.
“Well,stop.We’refriends.Comeon.I’llgoinfirstsoyoudon’thavetoseemeifit’sthathorrifyingforyou,”shesaidoverafitofgiggles,andIknewshewasmovingtowardthewaterbecausetheleavesrustledbeneathherfeet,soIturnedaround.
Tomakesureshewassafe,ofcourse
Themoonlightcaughtherbacksideasithoveredaboveus.IwasdefinitelybeingtestedbecausethewomanhadthemostbeautifulbodyI’deverseen.Likeaworkoffuckingart.
Petite.
Lean.
Feminine.
Shewalkedintothewaterandyelped.“It’ssocold.Remindmewhydoingthisnakedisbetterthanwearingabathingsuit?Becausemyladypartsseemtobethemostsensitivetothistemperature.”
Didshereallyjustsaythat?
Ituggedmyteeovermyheadandsetitonthegroundbesideherclothing.Herbraandpantieswereontop,andItriedlikehelltokeepmydickfromrespondingtotheknowledgethatshewaswearingnothingonlyafewfeetaway,butclearly,hehadamindofhisownbecausehethrobbedagainstmyzipper.Ikickedoffmybootsbeforeshovingmypantsandbriefsdownmylegs.I’ddoveintothewaternakedmoretimesthanIcouldcount.ButdoingthiswithTravis’slittlesisterdefinitelyfeltlikeIwascrossingaline.
Shewhistledfromthewaterandtauntedmealittlemore.“Thisactuallyfeelssogood.Areyoucoming?”
Jesus.Shehadnoideahowthethingsshesaidaffectedme.
AmIcoming?I’dliketo.
Ihadaone-trackmindmostofthetime,andsexhadalwaysbeenattheforefrontofmythoughtsuntilrecently.
ButeversinceLilacamebacktotown,thathaddefinitelychanged.
IhadmybacktoherbeforeIturnedaroundandstrodetowardthewater.Imadenoattempttohidemyerectionotherthanitbeingdark,butIwasfairlycertainshecouldseeeverythingbecauseshewentcompletelyquiet,hermouthgapingopenasshewatchedme.
“It’salwaysbetterinthewaterwithoutclotheson,Snow,”Isaid,asIwalkedafewstepsintothecoveandthendoveunderwhereIknewthegrounddroppedoff.WhenIcameup,Ishovedthehairawayfrommyfaceandmovedtostandinfrontofher.Shewastreadingwaterasshewasagoodfootshorterthanme,whereasIwasabletojuststandwithmychestabovethewaterline.
“Iagree.ThismightbemyfavoritethingI’vecheckedoffthelistsofar,”shesaid,herbreathscomingfastasshecontinuedtotreadwater.
“Yeah,thisishardtobeat.”Therewasonlyonethingonherlistbetterthanskinnydipping,andthatwassex.ButIwasn’tabouttosaythat.Iofferedmyhandsoshecouldtakeabreakfrommovingherarmsandlegstostayabovewater,andshetookit.Butthenshelungedforward,andherhandslandedonmyshoulders.
Herchestbrushedmineasherhardnipplesgrazedmyskin.Withoutwarning,mydickmusthavedoubledinsizeanddartedinherdirectionbecauseshejumpedandlaughedwhenthetipofmycockgrazedher.Ireachedbeneathherarmpitsandheldherafewinchesawayfromme.
“Jesus,Snow.Youcan’tberubbingupagainstmelikethat,”Igrowled,becauseIwasonedgehavingherthisclosetomewithoutanyclotheson.
Herhandsreachedbackoutformyshoulders,andshepulledherselfcloseragain,andIdidn’tfighther.Herlegswrappedaroundmywaist,andIdidn’tmove.Herhandsfoundeachsideofmyface.Ahalooflightfromthemoonilluminatedaroundherashergazelockedwithmine.
“Whynot,Bear?”shewhispered.
“Becauseyou’replayingwithfire.”Ikeptmytoneeven,thoughIfeltanythingbut.Herbreastswerepressedagainstmychest,andherpussysatonmylowerbelly,tauntingmyeagerdick,whowasstandingatattention,eveninthefreezingcoldwater.Icouldn’tfuckingthinkstraight.IwantedhermorethanI’deverwantedanyoneoranything—butIknewbetter.
IwouldnotbeLilaJames’sfirstanything.
Iwouldn’ttakehervirginityorherheart.
Shewasleavinginafewmonths,andthiscouldn’tgoanywhere.
Nottomentionthefactthatherbrotherwouldfuckingkillme.
He’dalwaysbeenagoodfriendtome,andhedeservedthesameinreturn.
“MaybeIshouldputplayingwithfireonthelist.”Shesmiledsowideitmademychesthurt.MyhandswerehangingdownatmysidesbecauseIwasafraidtotouchher.
“Lila,youneedtogetdown.Youcancheckthisoneoffthelist.Let’sgetoutofhereandheadhome.”Ileanedforwardtourgeherdown,butinstead,sheslidherselfdownmybody,rubbingallthatsweetnessalongmythrobbingcock,andInearlycameundonerightthere.Hereyesclosed,andshemovedbackupeversoslowlyandmoaned.
Motherfucker.
Who’dhavethoughtthemosteroticthingI’deverexperiencewouldbemybestfriend’slittlesisterrubbingherselfagainstmydickwhilewestoodinthewaterunderthemoon,nakedasabear’sass.
WhythefuckdidIthinkthiswasagoodidea?
“Snow,”Iwhispered.“Wecan’tdothis.”
“Doyounotwantme?”sheasked,andhereyesopenedandlockedwithmine
“It’snotthat,andyouknowit.”
Sherockedherselfdownandupagain,takinghersweettimeandgrindingagainstallofmyhardness.“Thatfeelssogood,Bear.Whycan’twejustletourselvesfeelgood?”
MyhandsgraspedherhipstoholdherstillasIhissed.“Fuck.”
Itookaminutetocatchmybreathbecausetheurgetopushintoher,takeherrighthere,rightnow,wasfuckingstrong.
“Youknowwhy,”Igrowled,onceIgotmyselfundercontrol.
“Becauseyou’reafraidofmybrother?Orafraidofyourfeelings?Whichoneisit,becauseIknowthatyouwantme,andIobviouslywantyou.”
“I’mnotafraidofyourbrother.I’mafraidofwhatcrossingthislinewoulddotoallofus.You’refuckingleavingattheendofthesummer,Lila.You’veneverhadsex,andyouwantmetojustcasuallytakethatfromyou?Notfuckinghappening.”Iwasangry,butIcouldn’tseemtopushherawayorwalkoutofthewater.Ijuststoodthere,completelystill.
“I’mnotsuggestingwehavesex,”shesaid,assheslidherhotlittlebodydownandupmycockonceagain.Ididn’tstopherthistime.Instead,Ihissedoutabreathatthefeelofheragainstme.
“Whatareyousuggesting?”Iasked,andthistime,Ihelpedslideherupanddownagaintwomoretimesassherubbedupagainstme,andshegroaned.
“I’mjustsuggestingweexplorethis,becauseI’veneverfelt—this,whateverishappeningrightnow;ithasn’thappenedtomebefore,”shesaid,andhervoicewasallbreathyandlacedwithneed.
“You’veneverbeenturnedonlikethis?”Imovedmyhandtothesideofherneck,forcingherheadupsoshecouldlookatme.“Openyoureyesrightnow.”
Hereyesflewopen,andherbreathswerecomingfasterasshecontinuedtogrindupagainstmeoverandover,herfingersdiggingintomyshouldersashergazelockedwithmine.
“Never,Bear.AndIdon’twanttostoprightnow,”shesaid,hertonefrantic.
Ididn’twanttodoanythingtotakeadvantageofher,butIdidn’twanttostopherfromfeelinggoodeither.Itwasfuckingsexyashelltoseeherchasingherpleasurewhilegrindingallthatsweetnessagainstme.
“Onetime,Snow.Wenevertalkaboutthis,anditneverhappensagain.Yougotit?”Iasked,asIgrippedherhipsharderandhelpedhermovefaster,pressingmyselfintoherwhereIknewshewantedme.Weweren’thavingsex—wewerejustgettingoffbyrubbingupagainstoneanothernaked.
WasIactuallytryingtofuckingjustifythis?
“Ipinkypromise,”shesaid,andherlipsweresoclose,Icouldn’thelpmyself.I’dbedamnedifthefirsttimeLilaJamesgotoffwouldbegrindingupagainstmewithoutmymouthonhers.Mytonguesnakedoutandranacrossherbottomlip,andshegasped.Inippedandlickedandteasedherbeforemymouthcoveredhers.Herlipsparted,andmytonguefoundhers.Herhandstuggedatmyhair,andIlostallcontrol.Islidherupanddown,fasterandfaster.Mydickwassohard,IknewIcouldn’tholdonmuchlongerwithherbarepussygrindingagainstmerapidly.Herheadfellback,ourmouthslosingcontact,asherentirebodyshookandtrembled.
AndfuckmeifIdidn’tgorightovertheedgewithher.
Wecontinuedmoving,ridingoutourpleasure,bothofusgaspingforairasIprocessedthefactthatI’djustgottenoffwhilehumpingmybestfriend’slittlesister,whoalsohappenedtobeavirgin.
Anditsomehowmanagedtobethebestfuckingsexofmylife,andwehadn’tevenhadsex.
Lila’sheadmoved,andshetuckeditbetweenmycollarboneandjaw,andherarmswrappedaroundmyneckasshestayedcompletelystill,waitingforherbreathingtosettle.Itwasn’tlostonmethatshefeltcompletelyweightless,likeshebelongedthere.
Somewhereshecouldneverstay.
“Areyoumad?”shewhispered,andherlipskissedmyshoulderbeforeshepulledherheadbacktolookatme.
“Notatyou.”
“I’msorry.Iknowyoudidn’twantthattohappen.Butitjustfeltsogood,andIcouldn’tstopmyself,”shesaid,andmydickhardenedagainatherwords.
“Don’tapologize.Butweneedtostoptalkingaboutitandgetoutofthewaterrightnow,allright?”
Shestartedtoslidedownmybody,andthenshepausedasherheadfellbackinachuckle.“Ohhhhh.We’vegotasituation.”
“Wesureasfuckdo,”Igrunted,asIheldherafewinchesfrommeandwalkedtowardshore,settingheronherfeetoncewewereinshallowenoughwaterthatshecouldstand.
“Don’tbemad,Bear.Thiswasonme,notyou.I’msorryforpushingit.Igotlostinthemoment.Wedon’tneedtomakeitabigdeal.”Shetuggedherlongponytailoveroneshoulderandwrungoutthewater.Shewouldn’tlookatme,andIcouldheartheshameinhervoiceaswewalkedtowardshore.
Westoppedinfrontofthepileofclothes,andIreachedforherpantiesandbra,holdingthemouttoher,beforetuggingonmybriefsandjeans.
SheslippedintohershortsasIpulledtheT-shirtovermyhead,eventhougheverythingwaswetandstickingtous.Iwasn’tgoingtospeakuntilweweredressed.
Westartedwalkingtowardmyhouse,andIturnedtolookather.“There’snothingtobeashamedof.Andthatwasnotjustonyou.Webothwantedittohappen,anditfeltfuckingamazing,sodon’tgobeatingyourselfup.I’mjustnottheguyyou’relookingfor,Snow.Imaynotgettobethefirstmanwhogetstohavesexwithyou,butI’mnotmadthatIgettobethefirstmantogiveyoupleasure.”
Shelaughed.“Well,don’tgogettingabigheadaboutit.”
Dideverythingshesaidhavetosoundsosexual?
Shehadtobethesexiestvirginontheplanet.
Ifeltlikesomesortofdeviantaroundher.
Ineededtoshakeitoffbecausethisendednow.
Thiswasaoneanddone,andwewouldn’tspeakofitagainaftertonight.tenLila
Whenwegotbacktothehouse,Iwasstillfloatingonair.I’djusthadmyfirstorgasm,anditwaswithHughReynolds.Themanwasawalkingfantasy.Bigandstrongandcommanding—andIwashereforit.Buthe’dmadeitclearthatitcouldn’thappenagain.
Thewayhismouthhadclaimedmine.
Thewayhisbodyfeltagainstmine.
Thewayhishandsgrippedmyhips.
“Youallright?”heasked,snappingmefrommystupor.Hisshirtwassoakedandclingingtohismuscularchestthathadapepperingofdarkhair.
“Yeah.I’mjustgoingtogotakeashower.”Ileanedagainstthedoorandsmiledathim.WhydidthefirstguythatIactuallyfeltsomethingforphysicallyhavetobetheonewhowascompletelyofflimits?
Forsomanyreasons,itjustwasn’tpossibleforanythingtocomeofthis.
Butthatdidn’tstopmefromwantinghim.
“Hey,”hecalledout,justasIturnedtostepintomyroom.
“Yeah?”
“Whatifweeachgrabashowerandyougopourusthosehotteasyoumadelastnight,andI’llfindusamovie?”Histongueswipedouttowethisbottomlip,andIclaspedmyhandstogether,intertwiningmyfingerstokeepfromreachingforhim.
“Thatwouldbeamazing.Thankyou.I’llseeyouinalittlebit.”
“Soundsgood,Snow.”
Hewalkedtowardhisbedroom,andIrantomyroomandturnedontheshower.Irinsedmybody,driedoff,andgrabbedmypj’s.Iglancedinthemirrorandstudiedmyface.
Thismustbethefaceofawomanwho’djustgottenherselfsome.
Imean,Ididn’treallygetmesome,butIsureashellgotmesomething
Ibrushedoutmywethairandpulleditintoabunontopofmyhead.Istoppedinthekitchenandturnedonthekettlebeforepouringuseachachaiteawithsomealmondmilkandcarriedthemugsovertothecouchandsetthemonthecoffeetable.
Hughwalkedout,hishairwetandtuckedbehindhisears.Hischiseledjawworkedbackandforthashetookmeinbeforewebothsatdownonthebrown,leather,L-shapedcouch,andheplacedathrowpillowbetweenus,whichmademechuckle.
“Thishouseissocozy.”Ireachedformymugandmotionedtotheothercupsittingbesideit.“Thatoneisforyou.”
“Thanks.YourbrotherandhisguyshelpedmewitheveryrenovationIdidhere.”Hereachedforhisteaandgrabbedtheremotewithhisfreehandbeforeturningtolookatme.“Areyouokaywitheverythingthatjusthappened?”
Helookedsotortured,thewayhiseyebrowspinchedtogetherwithconcern.
“I’mactuallygreat.”Thestraponmytanktopslippeddownmyarm,andhiseyeswidened.“Whyareyoubeingsoweird?It’snotlikeyoudidn’talreadyseethegoods.”Iwaggledmybrows.
Hebarkedoutalaugh.“Ididn’treallyseethegoods.Ifeltthemrubbingupagainstme,though,didn’tI?”
Ishookmyheadandsetmyteaonthecoffeetable.Ifoundithilariousthathewasuncomfortableaboutseeingmeinpajamas,yetI’ddry-humpedthemanintooblivion.Well,canyoureallydry-humpsomeoneinthewater?IguessI’dwet-humpedhim?Eitherway,itwasonme,andIhadnoregretsaslongashewasn’tupset.
“Yousuredid.”Iwaggledmybrows
“Arewegoingtobeokayafterwhatjusthappened?”
“Imean,Icanonlyspeakformyself.ButI’mfeelingprettydamngood.Ifsexisanythinglikethat,Iamsoreadyforit.”Iglancedoverathimjustashislipstwitchedinthecorners.
“Idon’tknow,Snow.Whatjusthappenedisgoingtobereallyhardtobeat.”
Ileanedclosertohimandwhispered.“Really?Wasthatasgoodassexforyou?”
Hewasquietforaminute.“Sexisdifferent,butI’venevergottenoffbyjusthavingawomanrubupagainstme.Atleastnotasagrownman.So,yeah,thisisupthere.”
“IthinkI’mgoingtobeareallygreatlover,”Isaidovermylaughter,andhisheadtippedbackwithachuckle.“Seriously.I’manoverachieverinmostthingsinmylife,sowhyshouldthisbeanydifferent?AndI’vehadalltheseyearstothinkaboutit,right?So,IthinkI’mgoingtokillit.”
“Ithinkyou’regoingtokillit,too.”Hesmiled.“Justdon’trushit.Findtherightguy.”
WhatifI’dalreadyfoundtherightguy?
Iwasn’tabouttotellhimthat,butmyattractiontoHughwasthestrongestI’deverexperienced.Ifeltsafewithhim.
Loved.
Worshipped.
Whatmorecouldyouaskfor?
“CanIaskyousomething?”
“Sure.”Hisgazelockedwithmine.
“Whenwasyourlastseriousrelationship?”
Heshrugged.“Probablymyfreshmanyearofcollege.It’sbeenawhile.”
“Howcome?”
Histongueslippedoutandmovedbackandforthagainsthisbottomlipashethoughtaboutit.“Well,Iguesshavingtwoparentswhosetthebarextremelyhighcanworkagainstyou,too.I’mnotsettlingforanythinglessthanwhattheyhave,andIjusthaven’tfoundthat.Maybeit’snotinthecardsforeveryone.”
Inodded.Iwouldlovetohavewhathisparentssharedwithoneanothersomedaymyself.“I’mguessingthat’swhatwe’reallstrivingfor.How’dtheymeet?”
Hugh’swholefacelitup,andIreachedformyteaandtookasip.“Theymetincollege.Mydadwenttothispartywithafriendofhis,whohappenedtobedatingmymomatthetime.Butwhenmyfatherlaideyesonher,apparently,allthehaironhisarmsstoodonedge,andhesaidhewashitsohard,hecouldbarelyseestraight.Whentheygotinthecartoleave,hetoldhisfriendthatshewasthegirlhewasgoingtomarry.”
Mymouthgapedopen.“That’ssosweet.Whatdidthefriendsay?”
“Ithinkhewasalittleshocked,andhesaidhe’dstepawaybecausehe’djustmetmymomhimself,anditwasn’tserious.”
“Ilovethat.Didyourmomfeelthesameway?”
Hughbarkedoutalaugh.“Thewayshetellsitishilarious.Youknowmydadisajokester,andapparently,heteasedherandgaveherahardtime,sosheneverthoughtinamillionyearshewasinterestedthatfirstnight.Butheretheyare,fivekidsandalifetimetogetherlater,andthey’restillcrazyaboutoneanother.”
Isighed.“Ilovethat.Ithinkyou’llfinditsomeday,Bear.”
“We’llsee.I’mnotinanyhurry,andI’msureasshitnotforcingit.Lifeisgoodrightnow.”Heyawned,andIwantedtomoveontohislapsobadlyitwasalmostpainful.Iwantedtobreathehiminandfeelhisarmswrappedaroundme.
“Itis.We’regoingtobejustfine.Ishouldletyougetsomesleep.Wecanskipthemovie.”Itwaswaytoolatetowatchamovie,andIknewhe’djustaskedmetowatchsothathecouldmakesureIwasn’tupsetaboutwhathappenedbetweenus.
Butapartofmewishedhe’daskmenottoleave.
Begmetostay.
But,ofcourse,hewouldn’t.Therewasnothinggoingonbetweenus.Whywouldhe?
Hiseyebrowspinchedtogether,andIwantedtorubmyfingeroverthelittlelineformingbetweenhiseyes.Hewasstressedaboutwhathadhappened,andmystomachchurnedatthethoughtthatIwasthecauseofthat.He’dalwaysbeengoodtome.He’dofferedmeafreeplacetoliveandajob.He’dgonedowntothecovebecauseI’dpushedhimtocomewithme.AndthenI’dpracticallyviolatedthepoormanbybegginghimtoletmerubmyselfalloverhim.
Jesus.
Iwastheworst.
Ahorny,virginmonster.
“Hey,”Iwhispered,andhelookedup.Hisbrowswerepinchedtogether,anditwasimpossibletomissthetormentonhisface.“I’mheadingtobed,butthankyoufortalkingthingsout.”
“Ofcourse.”Hewasn’tlookingatme;hewassomewherefaraway.Ipushedtomyfeetandreachedformymug.
“Hugh,”IsaidasIlookeddownathim.
“Yeah.”Hisgreengazemetmine.
“Itwasaoneanddone.Igiveyoumyword.IwouldneverdoanythingtohurtyouandTravis.Iknowhowcloseyouare.Itwillbeoursecret,anditwon’thappenagain,okay?”
Hestudiedmeforthelongesttimebeforehislipsturnedupalittleinthecorners.“We’regood,Snow.”
Yikes.Hereallydoeswanttoforgetthiseverhappened.I’vetorturedthepoorman.
“Allright.Goodnight,Bear.”
Heforcedasmileandreachedforhismugonthecoffeetableanddrankthelastbitinthecup.“Seeyouinthemorning.”
Ileaneddownandreachedforhismug.“I’lltakethatforyou.You’vedoneenough.”
Thehardbody.
Theorgasm.
Whatmorecouldagirlaskfor?
Henodded.“Thanks.Inevercaredfortea,andnowyou’vegotmedrinkingiteverynight.”
Iheldbothmugsinmyhandsandwenttowalkpasthim,buthishandclaspedaroundmythigh,andIsuckedinabreath.Heloweredhisheadandpresseditagainstmybellyashestrokedmyleg.Ihadbothhandsfilledwiththesedamnmugs,andIwasn’tsurewhattodo.So…inmytypicaluncoolfashion,Ijustleaneddownandkissedthebackofhishead,andhechuckled.
“Getsomesleep,”hesaid,hisvoicegruffashishandmovedaway.
“Yeah,you,too.”Imademywaytothesink,rinsedthemugs,andloadedtheminthedishwasherbeforeIlookedbackonemoretimetofindHughwatchingme.
Whatwasthis?Damnit.Icouldn’tevenaskDelorthegirlsbecauseIcouldn’ttellanyone.Itwasoursecret.It’stheleastIcoulddoforhim.
Ismiledbeforewalkingtowardmyroom,steppinginside,andclosingthedoorbehindme.Myphonerang,anditwasDelFaceTimingme.Iploppeddownonthebed,mybackrestingagainsttheheadboard,asherfacecameintofocus.
“Howwasthedate?”
Thedate?Oh,yes,I’dcompletelyforgottenaboutmydatewithKline.ThatwasbeforetheX-rated,skinny-dipping,porn-worthymake-outsessionwithmybrother’sbestfriend.
“Itwasgood,”Isaid,chewingonthebackofmythumbnail.Ihatedkeepinganythingfromher,especiallysomethingasgreataswhathappenedtonight.
“You’reallflushed.Ohmygod.Youdidthedeed?”sheshoutedoverafitofgiggles.
“No.What?Ofcoursenot.”
“LilaMaeJames,Iknowwhenyou’relying.Spillit,girl.”
Ishookmyhead,andIcouldfeelsweatgatheringatthenapeofmyneck.“Therewasahotmake-outsession.That’sit.”
Itwasthetruth.
Shejustdidn’tknowwhoImadeoutwith.
“Shutup!”sheshouted.“Likeaheatedmakeoutwhereyouwantedmoretohappen?”
Icoveredmyfacewithmyfreehand.
Oh,Iwantedmoretohappen,nodoubtaboutit.
“Let’sjustsaythatitendedwithquitethefireworks.”Ichuckledovermywords.We’dalwayssharedeverything,andthiswasnodifferent,asidefromtryingtoberespectfultoHughandprotecthisfriendshipwithmybrother.Icouldsharethedetailswithoutgettingintothespecifics.
“Noooooooo.”
“Yeeeees,”Isaid,shakingmyhead.“It’snotthatbigofadeal.”
“Um,speakingfromsomeonewhohashadseveralboyfriendsandherfairshareofsex…orgasmsdon’thappenfrommakingoutallthatoften.Hedidn’t,er,havethefireworks,didhe?”
“I’mfairlysurethathedid.”Ishrugged.
“Damn.That’snotcommon.Hegotoffonyougettingoff.”
“Okay.Ithinkwe’regoodonthetalkfornow.”Ichuckled.
“Areyougoingtoseehimagain?”
“Ithinkwe’rejustgoingtobefriends.Itwasfun,butI’mnotstayinghereforever,sowhat’sthepoint?”
“Thepointis,youorgasmedfromkissingtheman.That’shot.Whynotkeepdoingit?AndyoucanlosethatdamnV-cardtoamanwhoactuallyturnsyouon.”
“Idon’tthinkhewantsthatpressure,soIthinkthat’sano.”
“Ahardno?”Hervoicewasalltease,andwebothburstoutinafitofgiggles.
“Somethinglikethat.Allright,I’mgoingtobed.Iloveyou,DelilahBernadetteMcCallister.”
“Loveyoumore,youlittlehorndog.Ican’twaitforthisweekend.Getreadytoflirtwithallthebikers,baby.”
Ishookmyhead.“Goodnight.”
Shewaved,andIendedthecall.Ireachedformynotebookandstudiedmylist.IcheckedoffskinnydippingandbitdownonmybottomlipasIthoughtaboutthenight.
Somuchhadhappened.
Ijustwisheditwasn’twiththeonemanthatIcouldn’thave.
***
Thenextmorning,weactedcompletelynormal,andIwasrelieved.I’dgoneformyrun,andI’djustreturnedhometofindHughmowingthelawnwearingnothingbutsomebasketballshortsandabaseballcapturnedbackwardonhishead.Hischestwasonfulldisplay,anditwashardnottostare.I’dhurriedinsideandmadeuspancakesandjuiceasheandTravisbothwalkedthroughthedoor,talkingandlaughingatthesametime.
Mybrothersureshowedupattheworsttimes,didn’the?
“Youstillpissedatme?”Travisasked.
“We’refine.Butmaybeyoucouldshootmeatexttoletmeknowwhenyou’regoingtojustshowupforbreakfast?”
“Sorry.Shayhasn’tfeltlikecooking,andshedoesn’tlikethesmelloffoodwhenIcook,so,thereyougo.”Hekissedmeonthecheekanddroppeddowntosit.
“Well,luckyforyou,Imadeplentyofpancakestoday,”Isaid,asHughcameupbesidemetowashhishandsatthesink.Hishipbrushedmine,andIswearthatlittlebitofcontacthadmybodyblazing.
“Youneedanyhelp?”heasked,asmybrothertypedintohisphoneandcompletelyignoredus.
“Nope.I’vegotit.”
Histongueswipedoutandmovedalonghisbottomlipashisbeautifulgreeneyeslockedwithmine,andhenodded.HismuscledchesthadthenameReynoldstattooedinscriptacrosshisheart.Iwantedtotracetheinkwithmyfingers.
Withmytongue.
Oh.My.God.
Whatwashappeningtome?
Ifocusedonthedamnpancakesbeforepilingthemontoaplateandpullingmyselftogether.WeallsatdownandstartedeatingwhenHugh’sphonevibrated,andhelookeddowntoreadthescreen.“Mymomwantsyoutoknowshe’dloveyoutocometoSundaydinner.NoteveryonewillbetherethisweeksinceBrinkleyisbackinthecity,andsoisGeorgia.NotsureaboutFinn.ButI’mguessingCageandGraciewillbethere.”
“Oh,I’dlovethat.Tellherthankyoufortheinvite.”
“Yeah.”Mybrotherhelduphisforkandpointeditatme.“That’swhoyouwanttobespendingyourtimewith.Hughandhisfamily.ThatfuckingKlineisaplayer.”
IttookallIhadnottolaughinhisface.Klinehadn’tevenmadeamove.ButI’dbeentheonetomakethemoveonthebig,beautifulmansittingbesideme.
“Stopjudgingeveryone,Trav.We’veneverlikedbeingjudged,butyoudoittoeveryone,andit’snotagoodthing.”
“Becauseit’smyjobtolookoutforyou.Imakenoapologies,”hesaid.“You’restillgoingwithhertocheckoutthathippytreatmentcenteronSaturday,right?”HelookedatHugh,andIpushedtomyfeet,takingmyplatetothesinktorinseitoffbecausemybrotherwasruiningmymood.
“It’snotahippyplace.It’sanactualtreatmentcenterwithaprettydamnimpressivetrackrecordofhelpingpeople.Iemailedyouthewebsite,sotheleastyoucoulddoisreaduponit.”Hugh’seyeslockedwithminewhenIturnedtolookathim.Mybrotherwastoobusytypingintohisphonetonotice.Hugh’sgreengazewasfilledwithempathy.
Thankyou.
Ididn’tspeakthewords,butheheardthemjustthesame.
HewinkedatmebeforeturninghisattentionbacktomybrotherasTraviscompletelychangedthesubjectandstartedtalkingaboutfootball.
AndImademywaytomyroomtogetshoweredandcleanedup.
Ipickedupmynotebookandstaredatthelist.
Thiswassupposedtobemylist.
Formyeyesonly.
So,IaddedsomethingnewtothebottomofmySnowDaylistthatI’dbekeepingtomyselfmovingforward.
Makeoutwithmyhotbossonemoretime.elevenHugh
I’dplannedonputtingdistancebetweenLilaandmeafterwhathappenedoutatCottonwoodCove,butbetweenlivingtogether,workingtogether,andherbrotherpushingustogether,thathadnotbeenthecaseoverthelastweek.Wehadn’ttalkedaboutwhathappenedagain,butIcouldn’tstopfuckingthinkingaboutit.
Thinkingabouther.
We’dwatchedmovieslastnightaftershegotbackfromspendingsometimewithherdadandhavingdinnerwithhergirlfriends.IknewthatKlinewasstillflirtinghisassoffwithher,butshedidn’tseeminterestedinhim.BraxhadshownupatReynolds’lastnightwithtwowomentourists,whowereintowncheckingoutsomeproperty.Hewasalljazzedaboutthem,andtheywerebothattractiveandniceenough,butIjustwasn’tfeelingit.I’dtried.I’dflirtedandhadafewdrinks.
ButIkeptcheckingmyphonetoseeifLilawasonherwayhomeyet,andIcouldn’tgetintoit.Hell,commonsensetoldmetogooutandgetlaid.Thatwouldbethesurefirefastestwaytogetheroutofmysystem.
ButIdidn’twanttodoit.
Icouldn’thaveher,butIdidn’twantanyoneelse,either.
Braxwasallovermyassthismorning,askingwhatwasupafterI’dduckedoutearly.
Brax
Whatthefuckisyourdeal,jackass?Theywerebothhot.
YoushouldhavetakenJaquelinehome.Idon’thavetohookupwithherfriendforyoutoclosethedeal.
IchuckledbecauseIknewhewaspissed.Thedudealwayslikedtohaveawingman.
Brax
Shewasn’tgoingtoleaveherfriend.Unlikeyou,she’snotadick.
Youcan’tclosethedealwithoutme?
Brax
Apparentlynot.Becauseyou’vebailedthelasttwotimes,andI’vegonehomewithabadcaseofblueballs,dickhead.
<laughingemoji><shruggingemoji>
Brax
Don’tuseemojistoavoidthefuckingquestion.Whatisyourdeal,andhowmuchdoesithavetodowiththehotlittleroommateyou’reshackingupwith?
Fuck.Off.
Brax
Dude.Nojudgment.Iknowyou.You’refightingit.AndIgetit.Ourboyisacrazymotherfucker,especiallywhenitcomestoLila.Ifsomethingisgoingon,youcantellme.I’vegotyou.
Iknewhedid.Butthiswasdone,andtherewasnothingtotell.Itwasnoone’sbusiness.
Nothinggoingon,brother.
Brax
WhendidthemosthonestdudeIknowbecomealiar?
Noideawhatyou’retalkingabout.YouwanttocometoSundaydinnertomorrow?Mymomismakingyourfavorite.
Brax
Nicedeflection.AndyouknowIwillneverturndownAlana’sfriedchicken.Hellstotheyes.AndI’mhereforyouwhenyouwanttotellmewhatthefuckisgoingon.
Thanksforthat.You’rebeingridiculous,though.Nothingtotell.
Brax
Fine.Whatareyoudoingtoday?
GoingwithLilatocheckoutthattreatmentcenterforherdad.
Brax
Ofcourse,youare.Whatawonderfulfriendyouaretoher,youdouchesack.Youleavemehighanddrywitharagingboner,andyou’regoingtoskiparoundatreatmentcenterwithyourbestfriend’slittlesister.Dude.Thisismadness.
STFU,dickweasel.Travaskedmetogowithher.Youcanaskheryourself.She’llbeatSundaydinner.
Brax
Ofcourse,shewill.Youtwoarepracticallyinseparable.
Well,yourtheoryisfuckedbecauseTravandShaywillbethere,aswell.AndGeorgia,mycousinDylan,andherfiancé,Wolf,aredrivinginfordinner,too.
Brax
Damn.Dylan’ssohot.Youdon’tthinkshe’lltelltheNavySEALthatshekickedmeintheballsinhighschoolwhenIhitonher,doyou?I’malover,notafighter.
Idoubtsheremembers.She’skickedalotofdudesintheballs.Ithinkyou’resafe.
Brax
<prayinghandsemoji>
IlaughedwhenIreadhismessage.Lilawalkedintothekitchen,andItuckedmyphoneintomybackpocket.
“Youready?”Iaskedher.Shewaswearingawhitesundress,andherlongwaveswerefallingdownhershouldersandback.Hertanskinstoodoutagainstthedress,andshelookedfuckinggorgeous.Itdidn’tmatterwhatshewore:adress,jeanshorts,runningshortsandtee,orafuckingcanvassack.Shelookedgoodinallofit.
Anddon’tevengetmestartedaboutherbirthdaysuit.
I’dnevergetthevisionoutofmyheadofLilawalkingdowntothewaterwithhertightlittleassonfulldisplayunderthelightofthemoon.
I’dtattooherassonmyarmifIdidn’tthinkherbrotherwouldkillme.
“Yes.Yousureyoudon’tmindgoingwithme?”
“Nope.Willyoubetakingatour?”Iasked.
“It’snotreallylikethat.Theyareallabouttheprivacyoftheirclients.I’mjustgoingtomeetwiththeladywhoworksthereandcheckoutthelayoutofthefacilityandpickupsomepaperworktotaketomydad.”
“Allright.Soundslikeaplan.Youseemalittlenervous,”Isaidwithachuckleaswewalkedtothecar.
“I’mnotnervous.Notatall.”Iopenedherdoor,andsheclimbedintothetruck.Ireachedforherseatbeltandpulleditacrossherbody.
Shegroaned.“HowmanytimesdoIhavetotellyouthatIdon’tneedtobebuckledin?”
“Oh,yeah,that’sright.Youkeeptellingmethat.WhatcanIsay?It’sahabitfrombucklinginGraciewhenIhaveher,Iguess.”Itwasn’t.IdidittobeclosetoherandbecauseIknewitannoyedher.Ilikedseeingherallriledup.Ithadbecomepartofourdailyshtick.
“Whatever.”Sheyankedatmyhairandlaughed.“You’refullofit,Bear.”
“Yeah?”Iasked.Mynosegrazedhers,andIfoughttheurgetonipathersweetmouth.“Well,whateveritis,youseemmorerelaxednow,soitworked.”
Iclosedherdoorandgotinthetruck.WedrovetotheoutskirtsoftowntoHavenwood,thetreatmentfacilityshe’dfoundforherdad.Wetalkedallthewaythere.Shetoldmesheandthegirlswerestillgoingtothatbikerbartonight,andIwasn’tthrilledaboutit.
“Idon’tthinkthat’ssuchagoodidea,”Isaid,aswecoasteddownthehighway,theoceanononesideofusandthemostbeautifulmountainsandtreelineontheother.Ilovedgrowinguphere.Themountains,thewater,allofit.
“Well,youdon’thavetoworryaboutit.Kline’scomingwithus,”shesaid,andmyheadwhippedinherdirection,andsheraisedabrow.“Doyouhaveaproblemwiththat?”
Iclearedmythroat.“Ofcoursenot.Ijustthoughtyouweren’tthatintothedude.”
“Well,unfortunately,Delknewsomethingwasuptheothernight,andshe’ssortofthemasteratknowingwhenI’mlying.So,longstoryshort,shethinksIhadanepicmake-outsessionwithKline,andsheinvitedhimtojoinus.”
“Youletherthinkthatyougotofftomakingoutwiththatlittlefucker?Idon’tknowhowIfeelaboutthat,”Ihissed.
“Well,Icertainlycouldn’ttellherthetruth.So,thereyougo.HeandIarefriendsanyway,andhewasdowntogo,soit’llbefine.”
Ididn’tlikeit.
Thedudewasgettingcreditformymagicschlong.
Mylips.
Myhands.
Fuckme,thisisridiculous.
Wepulleduptothefacility,andIdidmybesttoshakeitoff.
Lilapulledoutherphoneanddialedanumberbeforeholdingittoherear.“Hi,thisisLilaJames.”
Shewasquietasshelistened.
“Perfect.We’llmeetyououtfront.”
Sheendedthecallandletoutafewquickbreathsbeforeturningtome,hereyeswetwithemotion.
“What’swrong?”Iasked,myhandgrazinghersontheseatbetweenus.
“Thiscouldbethebeginningofsomethingnew.Afreshstart,youknow?Ifeelreallygoodaboutit.”
Fuck.Iknewshewasputtingallhereggsinonebasket,andthatworriedmeforher.Herfatherhadbeentotherestaurantafewtimes,andLilastoppedbyhishouseeverydayafterworktocheckonhim.Shelovedhim,andIunderstoodherneedtohelptheman.
ButIalsoknewyoucouldn’thelpsomeonewhodidn’twanttobehelped.Iknewhesaidhedid,butIwasn’tcertainitwastrueorifhewasjustsayingwhatshewantedtohear.
Hewascompletelyunpredictable.
“Onestepatatime,Snow.Let’sgocheckitout.”
Webothgotoutofthetruck,andawomanwalkedoutthefrontdoorofthelargeranchhousesetonacoupleofacresofproperty.Thetreessurroundingtheplaceofferedalotofprivacy,andIimaginedthiswasapeacefulplacetotrytofigureoutyourshit.Iglancedoverinthedistanceandsawamanwalkingnearthetreeline.
“Lila?”thewomancalledoutandheldupherhand.
“Yes,hi.YoumustbeLauren.It’ssonicetomeetyou.Thisismyfriend,Hugh.”
Iofferedhermyhandwhenwegotcloser.Shewasprobablyinherearlyforties,wearingaT-shirtandjeans,sotheyclearlykeptthingscasualhere.
Sheshookmyhand.“It’sgreattomeetyouboth.I’mgladyoubroughtafriendbecausetheprocesscanbeoverwhelmingand—”Shepausedandguidedustoabenchafewfeetaway.“It’sjustgoodtohavesupport.”
Weallsatdownonthemetalandwoodbench,withLilainthemiddle.“Yes.Imean,Iwantsupportformyfather,firstandforemost.I’mnotworriedaboutmyself.AndIfeellikeyoucouldreallyhelphim,youknow?”
Lauren’seyessoftened,andshenodded.“You’dbesurprised,Lila.Thiscanbejustashardonthefamiliesasitisontheaddict.So,Iknowyouaren’tworriedaboutyourself,butIam.AndIhaveahunchHughis,aswell,orhewouldn’tbehere.”
Ismiledtheslightestbitbecauseshewasright,andLilawassousedtobeingstoicandstrongthatshe’dforgottenthatsheneededsupportsometimes,too.Maybesheshouldaddthattoherfuckinglist.
“Igetthat.Andyes,I’mluckytohaveHugh’ssupport.ItoldyouviaemailthatmybrotherisnotonthesamepageasIamwithallofthis.”
“Youdid.AndIknowhowthatgoes.Everyonedealswiththisintheirownway.Thereisnorightorwrongwaytodoit.Lovinganaddictisnotaneasyjourney.”
Lilaswipedatthesingletearrollingdownhercheek,andImovedmyhandclosertowherehersrestedbetweenus,mypinkyfingerwrappingaroundhers.IwantedhertoknowIwashere.
Laurenspentthenexthourgoingoverthepaperworkandtellingushowtheprogramworked.Lilalistenedintently,andIspentmostofmytimewatchingher.Makingsureshewasokay.Iknewthepercentageofsuccessstorieswithaddictionwasnotashighasshewantedtobelieve.ButIalsobelievedpeoplewerecapableofchange,andeveryonedeservedasecondchance.
IfTatewaswillingtodothework,thenI’dsupportheronthis.AndI’dtalktomystubbornassofabestfriendaboutgettingonboardforhissister’ssake.Sheneededhimwhetherhebelievedinhisfatherornot.Heneededtobethereforher.
“Sothat’severythinginanutshell.You’vegotallthepricingthere,andIdiscussedthedepositthatI’dneedbeforeIcouldadmithim.”
“Yep.Workingonthatrightnow.Ishouldhavethemoneyhereprettyquicklyforyou.Andthenthebalancewecanfinance?”
“Yes.We’llsetupapaymentplan.Areyouhandlingthefinancialresponsibilityallonyourown?”Laurenasked
“Um,well,”Lilasaidasshelookedawayandgatheredherthoughts.“Probably,yes.AndI’mfinewiththat.”
“Areyougoingtobefinewithitregardlessoftheoutcome?”
“Ofcourse.”
“WhatImeanis…”LaurenreachedforLila’shandliketheywereoldfriends.They’djustmet,buttherewasacomfortthere.“ItoldyouthatI’vebeenthroughthis,Lila.That’swhyIworkhere.ButmyoutcomewithmybrotherwasnotwhatI’dhopedfor.Andthatcangettrickywhenyou’refinanciallyobligatedtoaprogramthatmightnotworkforyourlovedone.”
“Iunderstandtherisks.I’dspendeverypennyIhavetrying—otherwise,whatisallthehardworkfor?Imean,myfatheristheonlyparentIhave.Ican’tbringmymotherback.He’shere.He’shurting.Iwon’tturnmybackonhim,ever.That’snotwhatyoudowhenyoulovesomeone.”
Hertonewasserious,anditwasclearthatshemeanteverywordshesaid.Shewouldnevergiveuponherfather.IusedtobeinthesamecampasTravis,whereIworriedshe’dloseherselftryingtosavehim.Buttoday,Igotit.
Shewasn’tgoingtoloseherself.Shewasjustawomanwholovedhard.Andshedidn’tgiveuponthepeopleshecaredabout.Itwasn’tsomethingtopity.ItwassomethingIadmired.TheblindfaiththatTatewouldfigureitout,evenafterallhe’ddone.
Hell,Iwascheeringforthedudenow,too.
“Igetthat,Ireallydo.We’reverysimilarinourconvictions.”LaurenpausedandsmiledasshesqueezedLila’shandstillinhers.“Wouldyouconsiderdoingsomethingasapersonalfavortome?”
“Yes.Nameit.”
“I’llgetyourfatherinassoonasyouhavethedepositmoney.We’llmovehimtothetopofthelist.ButIwantyoutogotalktosomeone.It’simportant.Thisisnoteasy,andIwantyoutobeokay,aswell.”
“Okay.Likeatherapist?”Lilaasked.
“Yep.Willyoupromisemeyou’lldothat?”
“Um,er,Icantry.”
“Icanpromiseyoushe’lldoit.Iknowagreattherapistwhowilldoitprobono,”Isaidwithawink.MymotherwaswellknowninCottonwoodCoveasthebestlistenerintown,butitwasalsoherprofession.Shewasamazingatherjob,andIknewshe’dbethrilledtoworkwithLila.She’dalwaysworriedaboutherandTraviswhentheywerekidsafterallthey’dgonethrough.
“Oh,youthinkshe’dbewillingtoseeme?”LilalookedatmebeforeglancingbackatLauren.“Hugh’smomisafamilytherapist.”
Laurensmiled.“Oh,that’samazing.”
“Shewouldforsurebewillingtoseeyou,asoftenasyouneeded.Shelovesyou;youknowthat.”
“Okay,then.Ipromise.AndI’llgetyouthatmoneyverysoon.”
“Allright.Andyourfatherseemsreadytodothis?”Laurenaskedasweallpushedtoourfeet.
“Yes.He’sonboard.Ifeelreallygoodaboutthis.Thankyousomuchforagreeingtomeetwithmeandforallthatyou’redoingformyfather.”
“I’mhappytohelpanywayIcan.Andyou’llfollowthroughonthattherapyappointment,right?”Lauren’svoicewasteasing,buthergazelandedonme,andInodded.Shewascountingonmetomakesureithappened.
“Youcancountonit,”Isaid.AndIwouldmakesureithappened,evenifitmeantIhadtocarryhertomymother’sofficemyself.
Lilahuggedhergoodbye,andIheldupmyhandandwavedaswemadeourwaybacktothetruck.Shedidn’tfightmewhenIhelpedherinthetruckandreachedovertofastenherseatbelt.Shewasquiet.Deepinthought.Probablytryingtofigureouthowthefuckshewasgoingtocomeupwiththisdepositmoney.
OnceIgotinthedriver’sseatandwepulleddownthelongdriveway,Iglancedoverather.“Youokay?”
“Yes.Yeah,ofcourse.Justtryingtofigureouthowit’sallgoingtowork.”
“Howmuchisthedeposit?”
Sheclearedherthroat.“Theinitialdepositiseightthousanddollars.Andthentherestispaidovertime.”
Inodded.“Andyouhavethatkindofmoney?”
She’djustgraduatedfromcollege,andshe’dtoldmethatherinternshipwiththecompanywhowasholdingajobforherhadbeenunpaid.Icouldn’tfathomwhereshe’dsavedeightthousandbucks.Shehadn’tbeenworkingformelongenoughtohavemadethatmuch.
“Mycarisforsale.That’swhyI’vebeenwalkingeverywhere.Idon’tneedonewhileI’mhome,andItrulydon’tneedoneinChicago.Icantakepublictransportationeverywhere.It’sactuallyeasierthatway.”
Jesus.
She’dreallydojustaboutanythingtosavetheman.
Sheownedonething,andshewassoquicktogiveitup.
Irememberhersavingupfortwosummersbackwhenshewasinhighschool,workingatthebakeryintowntosaveupforthatcar.
“Ihaven’tseenitatthehouse,”Isaid,turningtolookatherwhenIstoppedatthelight.
“It’satBrax’soffice.He’sgotthatemptylot,andpeopleselltheircarsthereallthetime.Hesaidhe’dhelpmeout.Itgetsatonofexposureonthatcorner.”
Irolledmyeyes.Ofcourse,thefuckerwashelpingherandhadn’tsaidaword.
“I’mguessingTravisdoesn’tknowaboutthis?”
“Ofcoursenot.WhywouldItellhimwhenhe’sdeadsetagainstit?Idon’tneedhispermissionorhismoney,Hugh.Icandothisonmyown.”
“Whydidn’tyoucometomeforthemoney?YouknowI’dgiveittoyouinaheartbeat.Takeyourcarback,andI’llloanyouthemoney.Youcanpayitbackovertime,allright?”
“What?No.I’malreadylivingatyourhouseandworkingatyourrestaurant.You’vedoneenoughforme.”
Thelightturnedgreen,andwestartedmoving.“Listentome.You’veprobablysavedmemorethaneightgrandjustinthetweaksyou’vemadetothebooksandalltheareasyou’vefoundthatwecouldcutbackandplaceswherewecouldincreaserevenue.Andyoucookbreakfastanddinnerformeeveryday.Ioweyou.”
Shechuckled.“You’reexaggerating.Butthankyoufortheoffer.Ifmycardoesn’tsell,Imayhavetocometoyouforaloan,butI’dratherdothisonmyown.”
I’ddefinitelyhavetotalktoBraxaboutmakingsurethatcardidn’tsell.Thefuckerwassosneaky.
“Well,IguessweknowthatTravisisn’ttheonlystubbornoneintheJamesfamily,”Isaid,andmylipstwitchedwhenIfelthereyesonme.
“Idohaveafavortoask.”
“Shoot.”
“DoyouthinkyourparentswouldbeokaywithmebringingmydadtoSundaydinnertomorrownight?Ithinkitwouldbegoodforhimtobearoundyourfamily.AndforTravistoseethathe’strying.”
“Ofcourse.Youknowmymom.Everyoneiswelcome.Andwewillbetalkingtoheraboutgettingyouonherscheduleandstartingtherapy.Otherwise,IwillthrowyourassunderthebussofastwithLauren,yourheadwillspin.”
“Youplaydirty,HughReynolds.”
“Always,”Isaid.AsIglancedather,herheatedgazelockedwithmine.
Shedidn’tknowthehalfofit.twelveLila
Wepulledintothedriveway,andIlookedovermyshouldertoseeBraxpullinbehindus.Todayhadbeenalot,andIneededtogetreadybeforewewentouttonight.Girls’nightouthadsomehowturnedintobringingboyfriends.BoomerandParkerwerebothjoiningus,andDelhadarrangedforQuincyandKlinetomeetus.Ihadn’trealizedthosetwoweregoodfriends,soIjust
Unfortunately,I’dcometotherealizationthattheonlymanIwasinterestedinhappenedtobetheoneIlivedwith.
WhoIalsoworkedfor.
Whoalsohappenedtobemybrother’sbestfriend.
Andhe’dmadeitclearthatnothingcouldhappenbetweenusagain.
MaybeIwasmeanttodieavirgin.
Itwasn’tsupposedtobethishard,right?
“Well,lookwho’shere.Mr.FuckingSecretKeeper,”Hughgrumpedbesidemeasheturnedoffthecar.
“Don’tmakehimfeelbadforhelpingme.”
“Heshouldhavestoppedyoufromdoingit.”Hepushedoutofthecar.Hewasn’tgoingtoletthisgo.Andthismanhadthenervetocallmestubborn?
“Hey.Iwasjustshowingahouseonyourstreetandthoughtyoumightbeback.Youwanttogograbpizzawiththosegirlsfromlastnight?Theyjusttextedmethattheywanttomeetup,”Braxsaidashestrolledupthedriveway.
IknewHugh’dgoneoutlastnight,buthehadn’tsaidmuchaboutit,andhe’dgottenhomeearly,soIfigureditdidn’tgowell.Butmaybethatwasjustwishfulthinking.
HughcrossedhisarmsoverhischestandstaredatBraxbeforespeaking.“Somethingyouwanttotellme?”
“Um,let’ssee.I’dliketogetlaid,anditcan’tseemtohappenwithoutmywingman,solet’sgetsomepizzaandgoouttonight.Isthatwhatyou’rewaitingfor?”heasked.BraxwasafewinchesshorterthanHughbutstillstoodaboutsixfeettall.Hehadhishaircutclosetohisheadandwasalwaysdressedlikehewasgoingtoameeting.Evenifhewasatabarbecue,themanwaswearingadressshirtanddresspants.Hedidn’tdothecasualthinglikehistwobestfriends.“Andhello,lovelyLila.Howareyoudoingtoday?”
Hehuggedme,andIcouldfeelhimdoingsomethingovermyshouldertoHughbecausehisbodyshookalittlelikehewastryingtoholdinhislaughter.
“Fuckoff.ThatisnotwhatI’mtalkingabout.You’rehelpingLilasellhercar,andyoudidn’tthinkyoushouldmentionthat?”
Braxpulledaway,andweallwalkedupthedrivewaytowardthehouse.“Ididn’tthinkitneededtobementioned.MightIremindyouandtheever-overbearingTravisthatLilaisanadult.Shecansellhercarifshewantsto.AndIunderstandthatTravisisanasshole,andthere’snothingwecandoaboutit.Butthisattitudefromyou,Hugh…”Braxsaidwithasmirk,aswemadeourwayinsidetothekitchen,andheleanedoverthelargeisland.“I’mnotunderstandingwhyyou’refeelingso…protective?”
Hughnarrowedhisgaze,andwhenheleanedonthecounteracrossfromBrax,Icouldn’thelpbutnoticetheveinsinhisforearmsbulging.AndwhydidIfindthatsoridiculouslysexy?Wasthisjustsomesortofout-of-control,hormonalcrushnow?Evenhisforearmsturnedmeon.
“Listen,fucker.She’sfamily,andyouknowit.AndyoushouldhavetoldmebecauseIwouldhaveloanedherthemoney.So,getherdamncaroffthelot,andwe’llforgetyoumadethatmistake.”
Irolledmyeyes.“Uhhhh,hello?I’mstandingrighthere,andthisisnotyourdecision.It’smine.”
“Yeah,Itotallyagree,”Braxsaid,reachingfortheplateofcookiesI’dpickedupatthebakeryyesterday,takingoneoffthetopandbitingitinhalf.
“Oh,shutthefuckup,youasskisser.”Hughrailedathisfriendbeforeturningtome.“Listen,I’vegotthemoney,andI’mofferingittoyou.Stopbeingastubbornassaboutit,”hegrowledwhenhisgazelockedwithmine.
Ishookmyhead.“You’renodifferentthanTravis.Idon’tneedyourmoney.You’vedoneenoughforme.Idon’tcareaboutthecar,andI’msellingit.”
Hehissedoutabreathandranahanddownhisface.“Ididgowithyoutoday,soIthinkI’mslightlydifferentthanTravis,yeah?”
Hewaspissed.Butthiswasnothisdecisiontomake.
“Listen.Ineedtogogetreadytogoout.Sloane’spickingmeupinanhour.”
“Ohhhh,wherearewegoingtonight?”Braxpurred,andHughjuststaredatmelikeI’dslappedhiminthefacebynotgivinghimhisway.
I’msorrythatIdon’tcasuallyasksomeoneforeightthousanddollars.Maybethatwasn’talotofmoneytoHughReynolds,butitwasalotofmoneytome.
AndTraviswouldneverletmeliveitdownifIborrowedthemoneyfromhisbestfriend,andourfatherdidn’tsucceed.
BecauseHughwasTravis’sbestfriend,notmine,right?
Imean,thereasonhewouldn’tactonhisfeelingsforme,whichIknewhehad,wasallbecauseofhisloyaltytoTravis.Howstupidwasthat?
Hughwasn’ttheonlyonewhowaspissednow.
“I’mgoingtothatbikerbaronFrontStreetwiththegirlsandtheirguys,andKlineisalsocomingwithus.”IforcedafakesmileandlookeddirectlyatHugh.I’dintentionallynotmentionedthatKlineandDaniellehadsomethinggoingonnowbecauseIenjoyedseeinghimgetallworkedup.
Itwaschildish,butwhenitcametoHughReynolds,Ihadnoshame,apparently.
“Ahhh…we’vebeenthereafewtimes.Ican’tbelieveTravisisn’thavingafuckingmeltdownthatyou’regoingthere.That’snotatameplace,butIpersonallyloveit.There’salwaysagoodfightandhotbikerchicks,”Braxsaid.
“Areyoudone?”Hughgrumped.
“IguessImustbe.”Braxsmirkedashereachedforanothercookie,andHughslappeditrightoutofhishand.Ittookeverythinginmenottolaugh.
“So,areyougoingtoruntomybrotherandtattleonme?”Iglancedatthelargemanscowlingatmefromacrossthekitchenisland.
“No.You’reright,Snow.You’reagrownup.Youcanmakeyourowndecisions.”Heraisedabrow,hismoodcompletelyshifting.
“Well,thankyou.Iappreciatethat.”Iturnedtomakemywaytomybedroomdoor.
“Butnowthatyou’vegotmethinkingaboutit,Brax.Ithinkweshouldgrabthegirlsfromlastnightandheadovertothatbikerbarourselvestonight.I’minthemoodforsomehotbikerchicks,”Hughsaid,hisvoicecompletelyvoidofanyemotionandloudenoughtomakesureIheardhim.Hewasdefinitelydoingthistoirritateme.Thethoughtofseeinghimwithawomanmademybloodboil.
“Welcomeback,buddy.I’vemissedyou.”Braxbarkedoutalaugh,andIgroanedasIwhippedmydooropenandslammeditbehindme.
IwouldnotlethimruinmynightjustbecauseIdidn’tgivehimhisway.
Ifhewantedtoflauntanotherwomaninmyface,Iwasn’tabovedoingthesamedamnthingtohim.Afterall,hewastheonewhoinsistedwecouldn’tcrossthelineagain.Thatwashisdecision,notmine.
IglancedatmyclosetandpulledoutmysilkwhitetanktopandthendugthroughmydrawerstofindmyblackcutoffsthatIhadn’tworninforeverbecausetheywereridiculouslyshortandusuallygarneredmemoreattentionthanIwanted.
Buttonight,Iwantedtomakesureacertainsetofgreeneyeswereonme.
Ispentthenexthourcurlingmyhairandputtingonmakeup.Iwentforasmokyeye,somebronzer,andthendabbedonmyfavoritepinklipstick.
ThiswasmoremakeupthanInormallywore,soIgrabbedmynotebookandaddedanewonetothelist.
Embraceyourinnersexappealandflirtyourassoff.
HughandBraxwerealreadygonewhenSloanegottothehouse.
“Holymotherofallsexgoddesses—whoareyou,andwhathaveyoudonewiththevirginLila?”Sloanesaidoverherlaughterashereyeswidened,andshewalkedinacirclearoundme.
I’dtonedthingsdownwhenIslippedonmytancowboyboots,buttherestofmewasdefinitelyouttogetnoticedtonight.
“Canwedropthevirgintalkforonenight,please?I’moverit.”
Shewrappedherarmsaroundmeandkissedmycheek.“Well,Idon’tthinkanyoneisgoingtobetalkingaboutyourvirginitytonight.Notwhenyou’relookingthissmokinghot.”
ThedoorburstopenjustasIreachedformypurse,andDelandRinabothgapedatme.
“Holyhotness.Girl,lookatyou,”Delpurred.“Klineisn’tgoingtoknowwhattodowithhimselfwhenheseesyou.”
IgroanedinternallybecausethelastthingIneededwasherpushingthingswithKline.
“I’mactuallygoingtojusthavefuntonight.I’mnotdatingKline.Ijustwanttoseewherethenighttakesme.”Igrabbedmykeysandphoneanddroppedthemintomypurseaswemadeourwayoutthedoor.
“Well,thenightwilltakeyouwhereveryouwantitto,lookinglikethat.Damn,Lila.Ialwaysknewyouweregorgeous,butwow.”RinaslippedintothebackseatofSloane’scarwithme,whileDeltookthefrontseat.
“You’rebeingridiculous,”Isaid.“Butthankyou.Wherearetheguys?Ithoughttheywerecoming.”
“ItoldthemtocomewithQuincyandKlinesowecouldhavealittlefunfirst.Youknow,beforethewetblanketsgetthere,”Delsaid,andthecarfilledwithlaughter.
“Yep.AndI’mdrinkingtonight.BoomerisgoingtoUbertherewiththeguys,andthenhe’lldrivemycarhome.HeagreedtobetheDDtonight.So,getreadyforsomefun.Weonlyhaveyouhereforthesummer,Lila,andwesortofhavethisplantomakeyouloveitsomuchthatyouneverwanttoleave,”Sloanesaidassheturnedupthevolumeinthecar,andweallstartedsingingtoourgirl,TaylorSwift.
DidIevenwanttoleave?
I’dbeenreallyhappysinceI’dbeenhome.I’dneverthoughtaboutstaying,notwiththewayTraviscarriedonaboutthenewjob.Butthethoughtofsittingbehindadesktenhoursadayandlivinginthecitydidn’tsoundasexcitingnowasitdidwhenI’dfirstgraduatedwithadualdegreeinbusinessandfinance.
ButthenIthoughtofHugh,andwhatajerkhe’dbeenaboutmesellingmycar.Abouthowhorrifiedhe’dbeenthatwe’dsharedthatmomentoutatthecove.AndTraviswasanoverbearingassholemostofthetime,andhe’dneverletitgo.
Thiswastemporary.Ineededtostayfocusedonthegoal.
GetDadintotreatment,andthenI’dgobacktomyreallife.
Weallcontinuedshoutingoutthelyricsto“ShakeItOff”andlaughingourassesoffaswegotoutofthecar.
Oncewewereinside,wesettledatahigh-toptable,andtheplacewasbooming.Afewguyswerelookingoveratus,andoneevensentoveratrayofdrinks.Iwasstickingtobeertonight,asI’dlearnedmylessonaboutbeinghungover,andIhadnodesiretodoitagainanytimesoon.Thegirlsweredrinkingshots,andDelaskedthebartenderforanemptyshotglassforme,andIfilleditwithbeersoIcouldjoinin.
Rockmusicwasbooming,andaverysexymaninaleathercoatwalkedovertoourtable.
“Ladies,you’relookinglovelytonight,”hesaid,hisvoicedeep.Hisblueeyeswerelockedonmine,andIquicklylookedaway.Themanhadtobeinhisearlyforties,butherockedthesilverfoxlookratherwell.
“Thanks,”wesaidinunisonoverafitofgiggles.
“AreyouTateJames’sdaughter?”heasked.
Istraightenedmyshoulders.“Yes.Doyouknowmydad?”
“Ido.He’sagoodman.Hedidsomeworkformeatmyautoshop.IthoughtIrecognizedyoufromafewyearsback.”Hewinked.“WasitLily?”
“Lila,”Isaid,feelingmycheeksturnbrightredatthewayhetookmein.
“Notgoingtohitonyou,darling.NotnowthatIknowyou’reTate’sdaughter.Butdamn,you’reeasyontheeyes.I’llbewatchingoutforyoutonight.YouaskforRoddyifanyonegivesyoutrouble,allright?”
Ijustwavedashebackedawayfromthetableandmadehiswaytothegroupoffriendshewassittingwith.
“Hotdaddy.Icouldbesodownforanolderman,”Sloanesaid,andweallgapedather.
“Ifyouweren’tinarelationship?”Rinashookherheadwithdisbelief.
“Well,ofcourse.Butagirlcanlook,right?Andthatmanrightthereiseverywoman’swetdream.HelookslikeanolderversionofJaxTellerfromSonsofAnarchy.”Sloaneheldupherglassforanotherround,andIaskedforawater.
Ithoughtoverherwetdreamcomment.I’dfoundmywetdream,intheformofasix-foot-three,long-haired,stubborn,beautifulman,whohappenedtobemyroommateatthemoment.
Iunderstoodtheconceptofawetdreammorethanevernow.
I’dactuallybeenawakeforit.
“Ohmygosh,whatareyouthinkingabout?Youlookveryguilty,”Delteased,justasParker,Boomer,Kline,andQuincywalkedin.
Afewpeoplewe’dgonetohighschoolwithcameinbehindthem,andIrealizedthiswasalocalhangoutasmuchasabikerbar.
Ilikedthevibe.Themusicwasgreat,andeveryonewashavingagoodtime.
Weorderedappetizers,andthegirlscontinueddrinkingprettyheavily.Ihadabeershotwiththemeverynowandthen,butI’dswitchedovertowater.MyeyeskeptscanningthedoorbecausetherewasonlyonepersonthatIwantedtoseetonight.
TheoneIlivedandworkedwith.
Theonewhowasprobablycomingherewithadate.
“So,Delthinkswe’retogether,huh?”Klineasked,leaningclosetomesoonlyIcouldhear.Thegirlsweretoobusysingingtothemusicandhavingagoodtimetopayusanyattention.
“Yeah.It’salongstory.Thanksforplayingalong.Thatwon’tmessanythingupwithDanielle,willit?”Iasked,glancingovermyshouldertomakesurenoonewaslistening.
“Nah.That’sverynew.She’scool.Wearen’texclusiveoranything,soifyouhaveachangeofheartwithme,I’mstillavailable.”Heraisedabrow,andIchuckled.
“Ithinkwe’vegotagoodthinggoingjusthowitisrightnow,don’tyou?”
“Sure,”hesaid,hiswordsslurringalittlebit.
“Whatareyoutwotalkingabout?”Delsidleduptome,standingbetweenourbarstools.
“Justcatchingupalittle,”Isaid,anxioustogetthisconversationoverwith.WhenDelwantedtoknowsomething,sheneverbackeddown.
“I’mnotinterruptinganything,then?”sheteased,eyeingussuspiciously.“FromwhatIhear,you’regoodatmorethanmakingthedrinks,huh,Kline?”
Ispewedwateralloverthetableandstartedcoughingbeforereachingforanapkinandwipingupmymess.
“Idon’tknow,butIthinkso.”Klinewinkedatme.
“Begoodtomygirl.Ooooookay?”sheslurred.
Ohmygod.Pleasemakeherstop.
“Oooookay,Del.I’lltry.”KlinelookedatherlikeshehadthreeheadsbeforeQuincycalledherawaywhentheirdrinksarrived.
“Sorryaboutthat,”Isaid,justasthedoorswungopen,andHughandBraxsteppedinsidewithtwowomenI’dneverseenbefore.TheonestandingreallyclosetoHughwaspretty.Shelookedolderthanme,forsure,andshewasverycurvy.Herboobswerespillingoutofherredtubetop,andshewaswearingdarkjeansthatfitherlikeasecondskin.
Damn,I’dneverseenabuttlikethat.Italmostlookedfake.
Herblondehairfellinloosewavesoverhershoulders,andherredlipswereoverfilledbutmanagedtolooksexyashell.
Shewasatotalbombshell.
AndIinstantlyhatedher.
I’dneverhadthatkindofreactiontosomeone.
Butherhandtrailedalonghisupperarm,andshemovedittohishair,andmyhandsfistedatmysides.IwasgratefulthatIhadn’thadmuchtodrinkbecauseIwouldn’twanttodoanythingtoembarrassmyself,andatleastIcouldcontrolmyreactionbecauseIwascompletelysober.
HewaslaughingwithBrax,andafewguyswalkedovertohimbecauseeveryoneknewHugh.
AndhisheadturnedslowlyasifheknewIwaswatching.Hissage-greeneyeslockedwithmine,andeverythingelsestoppedmoving.
Ismiled.Ifeltbadforthewaywe’dleftthingsearlier.
Icouldn’tstaymadatthemanforcaringandtryingtohelpme.
Afterall,he’dbeentheonetogowithmetoday.
Ishouldhavebeenthankinghim,notgettingangryathim.
Histongueswipedoutandslidacrosshisbottomlip,andhetippedhischinupjustalittlebit.Someonehandedhimashot.Hepulledhisgazefrommine,andhisheadfellbackashedownedtheliquid.Hughdidn’tdrinkoftenbecausethemanworkedsomuch.Somaybehewasblowingoffsomesteamtonight.
“Sohowlonghasthatbeengoingon?”Klinepulledmefrommydaze.
“What?”
Hesmirked.“Don’tworryaboutme,Lila.Iknowwhatacrazyassyourbrotheris.I’mnotgoingtosayaword.”
“Ithinkyou’remisreadingthings,”Isaid,glancingbackovertoseethatannoyingwomansqueezingherselfintothespacebesideHughatthebar.
Klinechuckled.“Well,Imaynotknowyouwellenoughtoreadyou,butIhavebeenworkingwithHughforawhilenow,andhedoesn’tlookatanyonethewayhelooksatyou.”
Mychestsqueezedathiswords.“Howdoeshelookatme?”
“Likeyou’retheonlygirlintheroom,”hesaid,beforetakingthelastpullfromhisbeer.“Andalso,likehe’sgoingtokillanyonewholooksatyouwrong.I’dbeenonthereceivingendofthatlookafewtimesbeforeIfigureditout.”
“Ithinkyou’reprobablyconfused.He’sTravis’sbestfriend,andhe’salwaysbeenprotective.”
Hesethisbottledownandchuckled.“IseehowTravisiswithyou.Andeventhoughthatbastardiscrazy,thereisnoquestionthathe’syourbrother.Butthat’snotthewayHughlooksatyou,Lila.”
“There’snothinggoingon.”Ishrugged.
“Well,ifyou’retellingthetruth,andnothing’shappenedbetweenyou,thenthatdudeisfightingithard.Iknowwhenadudeisstruggling,andhe’sdefinitelystruggling.”
IwatchedasHughacceptedanothershotanddowneditquickly.
Washestruggling?
IthoughtIwastheonlyonewhowashavingahardtime.
Apartofmehadwonderedifwhatwe’dsharedwasjustapitymake-outsession,andhe’dwishedithadneverhappened,andnotonlybecauseofTravis.
ButmaybeI’dbeenwrong.
IfeltbadbecauseIcaredmuchlessaboutwhatmybrotherthoughtthanHughdid.Crossingthelinewouldbeanissueintheirfriendship,butitwouldn’taffectmyrelationshipwithmybrotheranymorethanTravishavingameltdown,whichwasnothingnewforme.
Hughhadmoretolose.
Ihadn’tthoughtthatthroughbecauseIdidn’tthinkitwasanyofTravis’sbusiness.
IknewI’dbedoingusbothafavortojustleaveitaloneandfocusonmyfatherthesenextfewmonthsandthenheadbacktoChicago.
Butforwhateverreason,Icouldn’tstopthinkingaboutthatkiss.
AndIwantedhimmorethanI’deverwantedanyoneoranything.
ButactingonthatwouldonlyhurtthepeoplethatIcaredaboutmost.
AndHughwasatthetopofthatlistthirteenHugh
I’dhadmyeyesonLilaallnight.Followinghereverymovelikeagoddamnstalker.Ididn’tlikeseeingKlinehangalloverher.
Thiswasn’taboutmebeingprotective.ThiswasaboutmewantingherinawayIknewIshouldn’t.
SohereIwas,hangingoutatabarthatIdidn’tfeellikebeingat,drinkingfartoomuch,withawomanwhowasworkingmylastnerve.
“Hughey!”sheshriekedandtuggedonmyarmforthemillionthtimetonight.Shewashot,nodoubtaboutit.Ijustwasn’tinterested.AndthefactthatshekeptrubbinghergigantictitsagainstmybackwasirritatingthefuckoutofmebecauseIhadtokeepturningaroundtoputsomespacebetweenus,whichmeantmyeyesweren’tonLila.
I’dalwaysbeenabletofindLilainaroomfullofpeople,butIneededtostopseekingherout.
ButIcouldn’tstoplooking.
So,Iwasgoingtogetmydrinkonandtrytoforgetaboutallthisshit.
“Hughey!Whyaren’tyoulisteningtome?”Shetuggedatmyarmagain,knockingtheshotI’djustclinkedwithBraxrightoutofmyhand,whofelloverlaughingbecausehethoughteverythingwashilarious.
Includingthefactthathe’dhelpedLilasellhercar.
Notfuckingfunny.
ButIhadasolutionforthat.Ijusthadtofigureouthowtopullitoff.
“Jesus,Clara.Stopgrabbingatmyarm,andstopshriekinginmyear,”Ihissed,raisingmyhandtoaskthebartenderforsomenapkins.
Roddywaslaughinghisassofffromatableaway.HeandIhadknowneachotherforafewyears,andIwashopinghecouldhelpmewithLila’scarsituation.
“It’sKarmy,notClara,”thewomangrumped,andthenleaneddownandlickedthetequilaoffmyhand.
Oh,forfuck’ssake.Shewasnotreadingtheroom.Iwasobviouslynotinterested.
“Dude.”IlookedatBraxafterthebartenderhandedmesomenapkins,andIwipedtheboozealongwithKarmy’ssalivaoffofmyhand.“Youneedtohelpmeouthere.”
“Oh,likeathreesome?”sheasked,lookingbetweenus.
Jaqueline,herfriend,wasgigglingasshebasicallywrappedherselfaroundBrax.“Orafoursome.”
“That’sahardno.”MytonewasharsherthanImeantittobe,andIsteppedawayfromKarmy.“Thereareadozendudesinthisbarthatwouldtakeyouuponthatoffer.I’mjustnotoneofthem.”
Shepouted,herpufferfishlipslookingoddwhenshetriedtomovethem.“Butyou’retheoneIwant.Doyouhaveanyideahowluckyyouare?Everyonewantsme.”
“It’snotpersonal.He’sjustgothiseyesonsomeoneelse.”BraxopenedhisarmsforKarmytowalkintothem.
MygazemovedtotherestroomdoorwhereLilaandDelhadgoneafewminutesago,butI’dgottendistractedbytheshitshowcurrentlyinvadingmyspace.Shewasn’tbackathertableyet,butmaybetherewasalinefortherestroom.
JustasIwassteppingbacktolookdownthehallway,Iheardshoutingcomingfromthatsideofthebar.IwasmovingbeforeIevenknewwhy.
Ichargedpastseveraltablesandtowardthehallwaywheretherestroomswere.AguyhadLilatrappedagainstthebackwall,hisarmscagingherinasherlegsstruggledtokickhimaway.Icouldn’tseeherface,butIknewitwasher.
Delwasshoutingandpunchinghimintheback.
AndIsawred.
“Lethergo!”Delshouted,andshecontinuedtoswingathim.
Hewasabigguy.
ButIwasbigger.
Anditwouldn’tmatterifIwasn’t.Iwasgoingtofuckingruinhim.
IpickedDelupandsetherdownafewfeetawayandwrappedmyarmaroundthedude’sneckandyankedhimbackbeforepinninghimtothewallandpressingmyelbowagainsthisthroat.
“Youliketofuckinghurtwomen?”
Hiseyeswerewild,andhetriedtoswing,butIpressedharderagainsthisthroat,andhestartedgasping.IglancedovertoseeLila’seyeswetwithemotion,mixedwithfear,asDelwrappedanarmaroundher.
“Youokay?”Ishouted,andthebastardtookthatmomenttopushmebackward.
“She’satafuckingbar;that’swhatyouget.Don’tcomehereifyoudon’twanttogetlaid.”
Whatthefuck?
MyarmrolledbackbeforeIcouldeventhinkstraight.Ilandedthefirsthittohisface,andIwasfairlycertainIbrokehisnosewithoneshot.Heswungatme,buthisdrunkasscouldn’thitmeifhetried.Islammedhimagainstthewall,andmyhandcameoverhisthroat.
Iwantedtofuckingkillhim.
“Hugh!”Braxwasgrabbingatmyarmandtryingtopullmeoff.
“Lethimgo,Bear.”Lila’svoicepiercedthroughallthenoise.Shewascompletelycalm,andhertoneremainedeven.“Pleasetakemehome.”
Ilethimgo,andhedroppedtothefloor,coughingandgaspinglikealittlebitch.
AmanwhoviolateswomenisnotamanIcanfeelanyempathyfor.
“Weren’tyoutoldnottocomebackhere,asshole?”Roddysaid,asheclappedmeontheback.“Dugger,gethimthefuckoutofhere.Andmakesureheknowsheisn’twelcomeback.”
ImovedtowardLila,wrappingmyarmsaroundherandkissingthetopofherhead.“Areyouallright?”
Shedidn’tmove,andwhenIpulledbacktolookather,shenodded.“Ireallywanttoleave.”
Afewpeoplehadgatheredaround,includingLila’sfriendsandKline,whoseeyeswerepanickedashehurriedovertocheckonher.Mostofthepatronshadn’tevennoticedthefight,asthisbarwasknownforthisshit.
Ididn’thavemyfuckingcar,andIwasfartoointoxicatedtodriveevenifIdid.Karmywasclawingatmyback,andBraxpulledheroffasIglancedoveratRoddy.
Ididn’thavetosayaword.Thedudenodded.
“I’vegotyou.Let’sgo,”hesaid.IknewRoddydidn’tdrink,butI’donlyeverseenhimonamotorcycle,soIwasn’tsurehowhewasgettingushome.
“I’mout,”IsaidtoBrax,andIreachedforLila’shandasshesaidaquickgoodbyetoherfriends,whoweretoodrunktocompletelycomprehendwhathadjusthappened.DellookedvisiblyshakenasshekissedLila’scheek,andweheadedforthedoor.
Roddypausedatthebar,andtheownertossedhimhiskeys.IpushedLilainfrontofme,myhandstillholdinghers,butIneededmyeyesonheraswemadeourwayoutsidetotheparkinglot.Hepointedattheredtruckparkedoutfront,andIheldthedooropenassheclimbedinside.Imovedherontomylapandpulledtheseatbeltacrossbothofus,whichmadeRoddylaughashestartedtheengine.
“Damn,dude.Ididn’tknowshewasyourgirl.”Roddychuckled.
Ididn’tsayanythinginresponse,andneitherdidLila,whohadyettosaymuchofanything.
Becauseshewasmygirl,wasn’tshe?MaybeIcouldn’thaveher,butshewasmine.
“IrealizedshewasTate’sdaughterwhenshefirstwalkedin,sothankfully,Ididn’tmakeamove.Iwouldn’twantthosefistsonme.”Hechuckledasheheadedtowardmyhouse.He’dpickedupmytruckafewtimesfrommyplacewhenitwasn’tworkingandhadittowedtohisshop.
“Thatdudewasn’tmakingamove.Hewasforcinghimselfonher.”Myarmswerewrappedaroundhersotightly,IlookeddowntomakesureIwasn’thurtingher.Herhandcameoverminewhenmygazelockedwithhers.
“Yeah.He’sabadguy.Ididn’tseehimcomein.Theslimyfucker.He’sbeenhauledintojailafewtimesforcomplaintsaboutbeingtooaggressivewithwomen,andwehadhimbannedfromtheplace.”
“Fuck,”Ihissedwhenhepulleddownmystreet.“Ishouldhavebeathisfaceinsomemore.”
Lila’sfingersweregentlymovingalongmyknucklesthatIhadn’tevennoticedwerebloodybeforenow.Soothingandcalmingmethebestshecould.
Iwasstillragingoverwhathadjusthappened.
Seeingherstrugglelikethat.
SeeinghereyesfulloffearwhenIfinallygothimoffher.
Itdidsomethingtome.
“Ithinkyoudidenoughdamagetohisface.Therewasashittonofblood,andI’mfairlycertainyoubrokehisnoseandjaw.Killinghimwouldn’thelpyourgirl;itwouldhurtyou.Youstoppedattherighttime.”HepulledintothedrivewayandglancedoveratLila
“Youallright,darlin’?”
Shenodded.“Yeah.I’mfine.Justhappytobehome.”
Home.
Iwishthiswasherhome.
Thatwastheboozetalking.
Lila’shomewasinChicago.
Iunbuckledusandpushedthedooropen,liftingheroutofthetruckbeforeturningandfist-bumpingRoddy.“Thankyou,man.Ioweyou.ComegetdinneratReynolds’thisweekonme.”
“Damnstraight,brother.ThosearethebestribsI’veeverhad.Countonit.”
Ipushedoutofthetruckandwavedashebackedaway.Itookherhandandtypedthecodeintothegaragekeypadandledherinside.
AssoonasIclosedthedoor,herbodystartedquaking.
Thetearsfellthen.
Iscoopedherupintomyarmsandcarriedhertowardmybedroom,andIsetherdownonmybedasImovedtothebathroomandstartedthetub.
Iknewitwouldcomforther.
Ididn’tcareifitwaswrongtohaveherhere.Rightnow,thiswaswheresheneededtobe.
ThiswaswhereIneededhertobe.
Icamebacktothebedroomwhereshewasswipingathereyes.Ibentdowninfrontofherandplacedmylargehandsoneachsideofherface.“Areyouhurt?”
“No.Hejustscaredme.Itriedtokick.Itriedtopushhimaway,buthejustkeptpressingagainstme.Heforcedhismouthonmine,andIbithimashardasIcould,”shesaid.Herwordswerecomingfast,andIheardthefearthere.“Deltriedtohelpme,butwecouldn’tmovehim.Hewastoobig.”
Ileanedforwardandkissedherforeheadandhercheeksandhernose.Ipulledbackjustafewinchesfromherface.“I’msorryIdidn’tgettheresooner.Isawyougotothebathroom,andIwasjustcomingtolookforyouwhenIheardDelshouting.I’msofuckingsorry.”
Hergazesearchedmine.“Don’tdothat.Yougottherejustintime.Thisisn’tonyou.”
Hervoicecrackedalittlebit,andIpushedtostandbeforepickingherupagainandcarryinghertothebathroom.ShechuckledwhenIsetherdownbesidethetub.“Youdon’tneedtocarrymeeverywhere,Bear.I’mfine.WhatamIdoinginhere?”
“Iknowyoulovetakingbaths,andIhaveabigtub,soIthoughtyoumightwanttosoakinit.”
Shenodded.Hell,I’dbeennakedwiththiswomaninthecove.Sheneededcomfort,andIwasgoingtogiveittoher.Iraisedherarms,andhereyesgrewwide,butsheheldthemthere.Ituggedthetanktopoverherheadandreachedaroundherbackandunsnappedherpinklacebrawithonehand.Shesuckedinabreath,andIjuststaredatherperfecttits.Iwantedtowrapmylipsaroundherhardpeaks,touchher,makeherfeelgood.
Butthatwasnotwhatthiswasabout.Andmaybetheboozewasmakingmethinkirrationally,butIneededtokeepherclose.
Idroppedtomykneesandreachedforthebuttononherjeanshorts.Icouldtellshewasholdingherbreath.
“I’mnotgoingtotouchyou,Snow.I’mgoingtogetyouinthetubandsitherewithyou,okay?”
“Okay,”shewhispered,herfingerstanglinginmyhair.
Iwantedhersofuckingbaditwaspainful.
Physicallypainful.
Mychestached.
Myhandsitchedtotouchher.
IslidthedenimdownherlegsandsighedwhenItookinthematchingpinklacepantiesshewaswearing.
Sofuckingperfect.
“Iworethemforyou,”shewhisperedasherfingerscontinuedstrokingmyhair.“Iwantedyoutoseemeinthis.”
Islidthelacedownherlegs,feelingeverybitofherleanmusclebeneathmyfingertips.IleanedcloserthanIshouldhave,mynoserightattheapexofherthighs,andIbreathedinallthatsweetness.Myrestraintwasslipping,andIstruggledtostayincontrol.ButIreachedaroundhertotestthewater.Iwasn’tgoingtorespondtowhatshe’dsaidrightnowbecauseshe’djustbeenattacked.AndIwasdrunkandturnedon,soIsureasshitwasn’tgoingtoactonthatrightnow.
Ineededtogetmyheadonstraightandfigurethisshitout.
Andthatwasn’tgoingtohappentonight.
Butleavingherwasn’tanoptioneither.
Iwouldn’tletheroutofmysight.
“Comeon.Let’sgetyouinthetub.”Ireachedforherhandasshesteppedintothewater,andIdroppedonthefloorwithmybackagainstthetub.
“Thanks,Bear.”Hervoicewasbarelyawhisper,andmygazelockedwithherswhenIlookedovermyshoulder.
“Always.”Iclearedmythroatandlookedawayagain.
Wesatthereinsilenceforalongtime.Obviouslywewereprocessingwhathadhappenedtonight.
“I’mreadytogetoutofthetub,”shewhispered.
“Tellmewhathappenedfirst,”Ifinallysaid.
“DelandIwenttothebathroom,andwhenwecameout,hewasstandingthere.BeforeIcouldprocesswhatwashappening,heslammedmeupagainstthewall.Ishouldhavereactedquicker.Iwascaughtoffguard.”
Myhandsfistedatmysides,andIforcedmyselftoremaincalmandnotreact.She’dbeenthroughenough.
“Thisisnotyourfaultinanyway,shape,orform.”Iturnedaroundtolookather.Therewerenobubblesinthebath,andItriedhardnottostareathergorgeousbodybeneaththewater.
“Iknow.Andit’snotyourseither.”Shepushedtostandandreachedforatowel,andImovedtomyfeet,keepingmybacktoher.“Sometimesshitjusthappens.Everyoneisfine,okay?”
ThiswassoLila—tryingtosoothemewhenshe’dbeentheonewho’dbeenattacked.
Shetuckedthecornerofthetowelatherchestandstartedwalkingtowardherroom,andIfollowed.Shemovedtoherbathroom,andafewminuteslater,shecameoutwearingthosesexylittleshortsandatanktop.Herhairwastiedinaknotontopofherhead.
SheclimbedbeneathhercoversandstaredatmeasIstoodinthedoorwaywithmyhandsgrippingthetopofthedoorframe.
“YoucareifIstayforalittlewhileuntilyoufallasleep?”Iasked,notknowingwhatthefuckIwasthinkingbypushingthis.ButIdidn’twanttoleave.
Hell,Icouldn’tleaveherrightnowifIwantedto.
AndIdidn’twantto.
“Yeah,ofcourse.”
Iflippedoffthelightandmovedtothebed,kickingoffmyshoesandstayingabovethecovers.ThelastthingIneededtodowasfeelherbodyagainstmine.Atleastthecomforterprovidedabarrier.Theroomwasdarkasidefromthesliverofmoonlightpeekingthroughthegapinthecurtains.
“Areyoustayingabovethecoversonpurpose?”sheasked,andhervoicewasallteaseasshescoochedclosertome.Iputmyarmaroundherandtuckedherheadbeneathmychin.
“Abso-fucking-lutely.”
Shechuckled.“Thanksforstayingwithme.”
“Always.”
“Ithoughtyoumightbegoinghomewiththatwomanwhowashangingalloveryou.”
“Youjealous,Snow?”
“Yes,”shesaid,hervoicesleepy.
“Iwasn’tgoinghomewithher.Iwastheretocheckonyou.”
“She’spretty,”shewhispered.
“You’reprettier.”
Icouldfeelherwarmbreathonmyneckwhenshechuckled.
“So,nothinghappenedwithher?”
“No.”
“Whynot?”sheasked,makingitclearthatshewasn’tgoingtodropit.
“Idon’tfuckingknow.”
“Maybeyou’reinterestedinsomeoneelse?”shesaid,hervoicejustaboveawhisper.
“MaybeIam.Butthatdoesn’tmakeitright.”
“BecauseofTravis?”shepressed,herfingersmovingupanddownmyarm,anditwassosoothing,Ifinallystartedtorelax.
“He’smybestfriend.Morelikeabrother.Thiswouldbeashitshow,andhe’dbefuckingpissed.Andyouaren’tstaying,Snow.So,startingthisfuckingstormwhenitcan’tgoanywheredoesn’tmakealotofsense.It’safriendshipandanattraction;it’llpass.”
“Howdoyouknow?”sheasked.
“Becauseithasto.Getsomesleep.”
“Night,Bear,”shewhispered.
Ididn’tsayaword.Ijustlaytherelisteningtothesoundofherbreathsastheyslowed.
AndIdozedoffrightalongwithherfourteenLila
Myphonerangforthefourthtimeinarow,andIgroanedasmyeyesopened,findingHughsoundasleepbesideme.Ourhandswereentwined,thoughhewasabovethecomforter,andIwasbelow.Iwantedtolaugh.I’dclimbedonthemannakedinthecoveandrubbedmyselfalloverhimlikearabidanimal,andhe’dwatchedmebathelastnight,yethewouldn’tcomebeneaththecoversforfearofbeingtooclose?
Islippedmyhandfromhis,andhegroanedasIreachedforthephone.HiseyessprungopenwhenIpushedagainsttheheadboardandsatup.IheldmyfingeruptohimtolethimknowIwasanswering,andIputthephoneonspeaker.
“Hey,Trav.”
“Areyoufuckingokay?Iheardwhathappenedlastnight.ThatpieceofshitisluckyIwasn’tthere.Areyouhurt?”
Iletoutalongbreath.EverythingwassointensewithTravis.Italwayshadbeen.Hisneedtoprotect.Tocontrolallthethingsaroundhim.Aroundme.Iunderstoodit.Wedidn’thavealotofcontrolwhenwewereyoung,butweweren’tkidsanymore.Thingshadchanged.Wewerebothokay.
“I’mfine.Hedidn’thurtme.Justscaredmealittle.”
“Itoldyounottogotothatfuckingbar,”hesnapped,andHughsatforward,movingawayfrommeafewfeetandwatchingmeintensely.
“Itwasactuallyfun.He’sjustanasshole,andthatcouldhavehappenedanywhere.How’dyouhearaboutitalready?”
“IcalledBraxacoupledozentimeswhenyouandHughdidn’tansweryourphones.Hefilledmein.SaidHughkickedtheguy’sass,andhetookyouhome.Iguessheleftsomeladyawfullydisappointed,whichmeantBraxwenthomealoneagainbecauseapparently,thedudecan’tclosethedealwithouthiswingman.”Hechuckled,hisvoicecalmingdownabit.“Hughmustbesleepingin.ThankfuckingGodhewasthere.”
“Yeah,”Isaid,andHughpushedtohisfeetandranahandthroughhislong,wavyhair.Themanlookedtoosexyforhisowngoodthismorning.Hisgraybuttonupwaswrinkledandunbuttonedalittlelowerthannormal,withalittlebitofchesthairpeekingout.Hewasstillwearinghisjeans,andIwantedtoaskhimtocomebackandstaywithme,butIcouldtellbythelookonhisfacethatwasnotgoingtohappen.
Themomenthadpassed.
Again.
“Youwantmetocomegetyou?YoucanhangoutwithmeandShaytodaybeforeweallheadtotheReynolds’fordinner.Damn,youknowAlanaisthebestfuckingcook,andIcoulduseagoodhome-cookedmeal.”
IheardShayshoutsomethingathiminthebackground,andhelaughed.“Sorry,baby.Cookingisn’treallyyourthing,though.Butyou’redamngoodatmakingbabies.”
“Ohmygosh.”Ifellbackinafitofgiggles,knowinghe’djustgottenhimselfintrouble,andHughcoveredhismouthtokeepfromlaughing.“I’mhangingupnow.Andno,I’vegotplanstoday.I’llmeetyouatdinner.I’mfine.Ipromise.”
IendedthecallandlookeduptoseeHughwatchingmefromthedoorway.“Whatareyouuptotoday?”
“Iwasgoingtogoforarunandthenheaddowntothecovetolayoutwiththegirls.AndthenIwantedtomakecookiesforyourmomtonight.”
Henodded.“Soundslikeafullday.”
“Whataboutyou?”
“I’mgoingtoheadtotherestaurantanddosomepaperwork.I’vegotsomeshipmentscominginthatIneedtounpack.I’llseeyoulater,allright?”
Andjustlikethat,hewasdistantagain.
It’slikeeverytimewemadesomeprogress,he’dpullback.
Inoddedandwatchedashewalkedoutthedoor.
Ireachedformylaptopandcheckedmyemails,andtherewasonefromJosephSchneider,themanI’dinternedforinChicago,who’dofferedmeapermanentpositionattheendofsummer.HewascheckingintomakesurewewerestillsetfortheSeptember1startdateandtoletmeknowthattheywereofferingmeaslightlydifferentpositionwhereI’dhaveateamworkingwithme,andI’dbethelead.Hewantedfresheyes,someonewhohadanewperspectiverightoutofschool.Thethoughtmademystomachtwist.Iwouldbasicallybeafinancialmanager,whichmeantproducingreportsandmakingforecasts,recommendinginvestmentopportunities,analyzingmarkettrends,andbeinginvolvedinfinancialdecisionsforthecompany.Originally,IthoughtIwasgoingtobemoreofananalyst.Thiswasdefinitelyahigher-levelpositionwithmoreresponsibility,anditwouldlookamazingonmyrésumé.
Thepayleftmymouthgapingopen,anditwouldmakeitverypossibleformetopayoffmyfather’sprogramquickly.IrespondedthatIwasthrilledfortheopportunityandlookingforwardtoit.Itwasn’ttotallytruebecauseIwasn’treadytogobackandstartgrindingagain.Iwasenjoyingbeinghomeandnotbeingsoexhaustedandstressedallthetime.GoingbacktoChicagomeantpickingupwhereIleftoff.ThiswasajobwhereI’dbeworkingtwelvetothirteenhoursaday,andcorporateAmericacouldbecutthroatandmostdefinitelyhighlycompetitive.Onceagain,I’dbeprovingmyselfeverysingleday,andIwasgladforthetimeIhadheretocatchmybreath.
JosephwasagraduateofNorthwesternUniversity,andhe’dalsoruncross-countrytherebackintheday,sohe’dbeenverysupportiveofmewhenI’dcometoworkatTrueSolutions.IwashonoredthathethoughtIwasreadyforapositionlikethat.
Iclosedmylaptopandreachedformynotebookandaddedanotherline.
Catchyourbreath.Enjoythelittlethings.
Thatwaswhattodaywasabout.Goingforarun.Goingtothecovetohangoutwithfriends.Bakingcookiesinthemiddleoftheafternoonbecauseyouhadtimetodoit.AndgoingtoafamilydinnerattheReynolds’.Iwouldn’ttakethesekindsofdaysforgrantedbecausetheywouldn’tlastlong.
***
Iwassun-kissedandrelaxedwhenHughcamethroughthedoor.I’djustfinishedputtingthecookiesI’dbakedintoalargeTupperwarecontainer.
“Damn.Itsmellsgoodinhere.”HemoseyedoverandreachedforanoatmealchocolatechipcookieoutofthecontainerbeforeIsnappedthelidon.
Hemoanedafterhepoppedthelastbitintohismouth.Isqueezedmythighsinresponse.Howdidhemanagetomakeeatingacookielooksexy?
“Bestcookiesever,Snow.Comeon.Let’sgo.”
“Youdidn’thavetocomebackandpickmeup.”
“Youdon’thaveacar,right?”Heraisedabrow,clearlystillirritatedaboutthat.
“Iwasgoingtowalk.”
“Withatubofcookies?Notafterwhatwentdownlastnight.Andsureasshitnotwhileyou’rewearingthatdress.”HeraisedabrowandgrabbedtheTupperware.
Iglanceddownatmyyellowbabydollsundress.Thefrontdiddipalittlelow,butitwashardlysexy.I’dpaireditwithmywhitesneakers,andmyhairwasinaponytail.Thiswastotallyappropriateforafamilydinner.Ifollowedhimouttothetruckandslappedhishandawaywhenhereachedformybuckle.
“Thisdressisnotsexy.Andyoudonotneedtobucklemein.I’magrown-asswoman.I’dthinkyou’drememberthat,seeingasIrubbedmynakedbodyalloveryours.Idon’tthinkyouwouldhaveenjoyeditsomuchifIwasjustakid,”Ihissed.Iwastiredofthegames.
Hiseyeswidened,andheslammedthedoorandclimbedintothedriver’sseat.Wedidn’tsayawordaswedrovetohisparents’house,andIwasfinewithit.Themixedsignalsweregivingmewhiplash.
Ijumpedoutofthetruckbeforehecouldcomearoundandopenmydoor.Ididn’tneedhishelp.Asbothheandmybrotherhadforgotten,I’dbeenlivingonmyownforthepastfouryears.Iwalkedupthepathtowardthefrontdoorandcheckedmyphonetoseeatextfrommyfathersayinghewasonhisway.
“Hey,”Hughhuffedfrombehindme,andIwhippedaround.
“Yes?”
“I’msorry.Idon’tdothingsforyoubecauseIthinkyoucan’tdothemyourself.”Heshrugged,andhelookedalittlewounded,which,ofcourse,mademychestsqueeze.
“Sowhydoyoukeepdoingit,then?”
Heglancedaroundtomakesurewewerealone.“BecauseIlikebeingclosetoyou.”
“Ilikeit,too,Bear.ButI’mnotafraidofitlikeyouare.So,you’llhavetodecideifyouwanttoactonitornot.Otherwise,stophelpingmesomuchbecauseit’ssendingmemixedsignals.”
Iturnedonmyheelsandwalkedtowardthedoor.
Itneededtobesaid.Wecouldn’tkeepthisup.Spendingourdaystogether,andlastnighthe’dsatbythebathtubwhileIbathedandthensleptinmybed.
No.Thiswasn’tnormal.
Hughmovedbesidemeandpushedopenthedoor,andGraciecamechargingatus.
“UncleHughey.Daddygottocatchpuppiestodayfromtheirmama!”
HughscoopedherintohisarmsafterhesettheTupperwareontheentrytableandchuckled.“Puppies,huh?That’sexciting.”
Shereachedforme.“Hugs,Lila.”
Ipulledherintomyarmsandspunheraround.“Heythere,sweetGracie.I’mhappytoseeyou.”
Hughreachedforthecookies,andIfollowedhimintothekitchenwheretheconversationwasalreadyflowing.
Hugh’scousin,Dylan,andGeorgiabothhurriedtowardus,andIsetGracieonherfeetastheybothtookturnsgivingHughandmeahug.
“Youremembermyfiancé,Wolf,right?”Dylansaid,asheextendedhishandtome.
“Yes,it’ssogreattoseeyouboth.”Hehadonearmaroundherwaist,andthewayhewaslookingather,hadmelongingforthat.
Thatkindoflovewhereit’scleartheycan’tlivewithoutoneanother.
Imademywayaroundthekitchenandsaidhellotoeveryone.BrinkleyandFinnweren’theretoday,butitwasstillalivelygroup.
“Thankyouforthecookies,”Alanasaid,asshepulledmeinforahug.Sheglancedaroundthekitchenbeforeleaningclosetome.“Textmetomorrow,andI’llgetyouonmycalendarthisweek.I’mlookingforwardtosomeone-on-onetimewithyou.”
I’dforgottenthatI’dpromisedtomakeanappointment,butclearly,Hughhadremembered.
“Thankyousomuchfordoingthis.”
“Areyoukidding?Inevergetanytimealonewithyou,sowecanfinallycatchup.I’msohappyyou’rehere,”shesaid,andmychestsqueezed.I’dalwayslovedandrespectedher,andthethoughtofpouringoutalltheissuesregardingmyfathermademeveryanxious.ButifIhadtotellsomeone,IthinkAlanaReynoldswouldbemypick.ShewaseasytospeaktoandprobablythemostnonjudgmentalpersonIknew.
“I’mstillpissedoffaboutwhathappenedlastnight,”Travissaidfromafewfeetaway,andIturnedtoseehimandShayandBraxallstandingwithHugh.Theymusthavejustcomein.
Andspeakingofjudgmental—mybrotherwasthekingofjudgment.
Hewasstillrantingaboutwhathappenedlastnight,evenafterI’dtoldhimeverythingwasfine.
TheReynoldsfamilydidn’tneedtoknowallthegorydetails.
Isawmydadenterthekitchenashestoodofftotheside,andhisgazelockedwithmineacrossthekitchen.
“Oh,mydad’shere.I’mgoingtogosayhi.Helooksalittlenervousstandingovertherealone,”Isaid,andAlanasqueezedmyhand.
“Yougotit,sweetheart.I’mgoingtogetthischickenoutbeforetheseboysstarteatingthedessertfirst.”
Ichuckledandhurriedovertomyfatherandhuggedhim.“Hey,Dad.I’msogladyou’rehere.”
“Ofcourse.Thanksfortheinvite.”
Hugh,Cage,andBradfordallwalkedoverandwelcomedhim.Shaywrappedherarmsaroundmefrombehindasmybrotherapproachedmyfather.
“I’msohappyyou’rehomerightnow,Lila,”Shaywhisperedandkissedmycheek.“Iknowhe’sbeentoughtodealwith,buthejustlovesyousomuch.”
ShayandIhadalwaysbeenclose.ShewasgoodforTravis.Sheevenedhimout,whereIseemedtocausehimnothingbutstress.
“I’mreallyhappytobehome,”Isaid,mygazeneverleavingmyfatherandmybrother.
“Hey,”Travissaid,andIcouldfeelhisdiscomfort.
“Hi,son.It’sgoodtoseeyou.”
Theystoodthere,makingsmalltalk,andIsteppedafewfeetawaytogivethemsomeprivacy.HughwalkedovertomeandShay,withDylanandGeorgiarightbehindhim.
“Don’trunawayfromme,Hubert,”Dylansaid,overafitoflaughter.
“MynameisnotHubert.Whydoyouinsistoncallingmethat?”
“Ijustwanttoknowwhoyourplusoneisforthewedding.BraxandTravissaidyouwereoutwithsomehottylastnight,”Dylansaid,asWolfwalkedoverandwrappedhisarmsaroundher,restinghischinonherhead.
“Yeah,Hubert.Whoareyoubringingtothewedding?”
“Georgiaisbringinghermysteryboyfriendthatanyonehasyettomeet.”Dylanlaughed.
“He’sjustnotintomeetingfamily.Helikestokeepthingscool,youknow?ButI’mnotgoingtothisweddingsolo,andunlesshewantsmetotakeanotherdude,hebestgetonboard.”Georgiawaggledherbrowsatme,andIchuckled.
“IamnotbringingKarmytothewedding.Idon’tevenknowher.”
“That’snotwhatIheard.”TravisandBraxwalkedover,andHughrolledhiseyes.“Imean,IfeelbadthatLilabuzz-killedyournightwithyouhavingtostepinandhandlethings,seeingasKlinewasapparentlyuseless.Aren’tyouseeingthatguy?Yetheletsyoufendforyourselfatabar?”
DylanandGeorgialookedatmesympathetically.So,obviously,they’dallheardthetorriddetailsoflastnight,thankstomybrother,whocouldn’tseemtostoptalkingaboutit.IglancedovertoseemyfatherdeepinconversationwithCage,whowasholdinghisdaughterinhisarms,andshe’dreachedovertopatmyfatheronthecheek.Itbroughtbackmemoriestothehappytimeswe’dhadwhenIwasakid,becausethereweresome,evenifmybrotherwasquicktoforget.
“Klinedidn’tevenseeithappen,”Ifinallysaid.“It’snothisjobtogetintoabarfightbecausesomeguywasactinglikealunatic.”
“Well,Hughdid.”Travisraisedabrowbeforefist-bumpinghisbestfriend.
“Hey,whydon’tyoubringLilaasyourplusone?I’dloveforyoutobeatthewedding,”Dylansaid,lookingbetweenmeandHugh.“It’sgoingtobesofun,andyou’renotgoingtobecomfortablebringingsomerandomwoman.”
“Yes!”Georgiashouted.“Brinkleyisbringingthatguyshe’sbeendatingforafewmonths,andhe’sarealsnoozefest.Andtrustme,mydatewillbeanervouswreckbeingaroundthefamily,someandLilacandanceandhavesomefun.”Sheturnedtoherbrotherandputherhandstogetherlikeshewaspraying.
“Ithinkthat’sactuallyagreatidea,”Travissaid,withabigsmileonhisface.“PutsomedistancebetweenyouandKline.Nosensegettingattachedtothatdudewhenyou’releavingintwomonths.”
Iwantedtotellhimhowcompletelycluelesshewas,butIwastoobusystaringatHugh,waitingforhimtoinsistthatthiswasn’tagoodidea.
“Allright.Idon’tknowifthereareanyroomsleftatthehotel,butIcancallandsee,”Hughsaid,glancingatmebeforelookingbackatmybrother.
“Youdon’tneedtogetheraroom.I’msureyoucangettwoqueenbedsintheroomyouhave.You’reprobablytheonlydudeontheplanetthatI’dtrusttosleepinahotelroomwithmysister.”Hebarkedoutalaugh,andIlookeduptoseeBraxwatchingmewithamischievousgrinonhisface.
Heclearlyknewsomethingwasup.
“So,you’llcome?”Dylanasked,reachingformyhand.
“Ofcourse.I’dlovetoseeyouwalkdowntheaisle.”
WasitterriblethatIwashopingthereweren’tanyroomsavailablewithtwobeds?Iwouldn’tmindsleepingbesideHughReynoldsonemoretime.
Clothedornaked.
Well,preferablynaked.
Stooooop.
Iwasdoingitagain.
“We’regoingtohavesomuchfun.It’sgoingtobetheweddingofthecentury.I’msoexcited!”Georgiaclappedherhandstogether.
“Ican’twait,”Isaid.
Myphonevibrated,andIlookeddowntoseeanotificationfromtheappwhereIwassellingmycar.Therewasafull-priceoffer.Reliefflooded.Iglancedoveratmydad,andhisgazelockedwithmine.
Ismiled.
Weweregoingtobeokay.
Isentatextbacktothephonenumberandletthemknowwecouldmeettomorrow.
“Okay,everyone.Dinnerisready.Let’sheadtothetable,”Alanacalledout.
ImadeafaceatBrax,andheheldbackforaminutewhileeveryonehurriedtofindaseat.
“So,you’regoingtotheweddingasthebigguy’splusone,huh?”Hewaggledhisbrows,andItriednottolaugh,butitwasimpossiblenotto.
“Stop.We’refriends.Listen,Igotatext,andsomeonejustmadeafull-priceofferonthecar.”Ilookedovermyshouldertomakesurenoonewaslisteningjustasmyphonevibratedwithanewtext.“Theywanttomeettomorrowmorningatninea.m.Hesaidhe’llbringacashier’scheck.”
“Allright.TravisisgoingtolosehisshitthatIhelpedyousellyourcar,andCasanovaoverthere…”HemotionedtoHugh,whowaswatchingusfromthetable,hisgazenarrowedandquestioning.“He’snothappyaboutthis.But,I’llmeetyouatmyoffice,andwe’lldoittogether.”
“Don’tworryaboutthem.Thanks,Brax.I’msohappyitsoldsoquickly.”
“Me,too.ButI’mgettingdaggersfromyourroommate,solet’sgetoverthere.”
BraxsatbetweenGeorgiaandCage,andtherewasaseatformebetweenHughandmyfather,withTravisontheothersideofDad.
AlanawasaskingTravisallaboutthebaby,andHughleaneddownclosetomyear.“WhatwasthataboutwithBrax?”
Ilookedaroundtoseeeveryoneintheirownconversationsandkeptmyvoicelow.“Mycarsold.Thatmeansmydadisin.”
Butterfliesswirledinmybellyatthethought.
“Lookslikeyoumadeithappen,Snow.”
“I’mabouttochecknumberoneoffthelist.Andyouknowwhatcomesnext.”
Hisheatedgazelockedwithmine.
“Numbertwo,”hewhispered,ashistongueswipedouttowethislips.
Ijustsmiledandwaggledmybrows.
Thingswerelookingupforme.
AndIwasenjoyingeveryminute.fifteenHugh
I’dgottentoReynolds’earlybecauseIhadn’tsleptmuchandwasonedge.ThispullIfelttowardLilawasfuckingwithmyhead.We’ddroppedLilaatthehouse,andI’dgoneoutwithBraxafterSundaydinnerlastnighttograbafewbeersjustbecauseIdidn’ttrustmyselftobehomewithheralone.
Icouldn’tstayaway.
AndnowshewascomingtoDylan’swedding?
Spendingaweekendwithmeinthesamehotelroom?
I’dalwayspridedmyselfonmyabilitytostayincontrol,butthiswastestingeverybitofrestraintthatIhad
Every.Fucking.Bit.
So,I’dcomeinlatelastnightafterbeingrazzedbyBraxaboutLilagoingtotheweddingwithme,whichI’dwavedoffasridiculous.
ButheknewIwaslying.
Hewasgoingwithherthismorningtomeettheguyaboutthecarsale.Thatwasn’taconcernformeforreasonsIwasn’twillingtotelleitheroneofthemjustyet.So,I’dleftthehousewhileshewasoutonarunbecausenotseeingherwastheonlywayIcouldtrytofigurethisshitout.
Iwasbehindthebar,goingthroughsomeofthedeliveriesIhadn’tunloadedthisweekend,whenthedoorswungopen.Traviswalkedin,carryingtwocupsofcoffeefromCottonwoodCafé.Eventhoughitwasownedbyanoveraged,sexuallyinappropriatewoman,theymadedamngoodcoffee.
“Thoughtyoumightneedthis.IheardyouandBraxwereoutlatelastnight,”hesaid,handingmethecupofcoffee.
“Doesthatdudegofiveminuteswithoutoversharing?”IlaughedasItookalongpullandgroaned.
Hebarkedoutalaughasheslippedontothebarstoolacrossfrommeandsethiscupdown.“Hedidn’ttellme.IcalledLilalastnight,andshesaidyouwereoutwithBrax.”
“Well,it’sgoodtoknowthetowngossipwasn’ttheonewhotoldyou.”Ishrugged.
“Iwascheckingonherafterwhatwentdownatthebar.I’mgladshe’sgoingwithyoutothewedding.Ithinksheneedstogetawayforafewdays.It’lldohersomegood.”
“Yeah.It’llbeafunwedding,too.YouknowDillydoesn’tdoanythingsimple.ButIthinkLila’sdoingreallywell,Trav.Youworrytoomuch.Thatgirlhasgothershittogether.”
“Idon’tdoubtthat.Hell,I’msofuckingproudofher.They’rebuildingawholefuckingteamaroundheratTrueSolutions.Shejustgraduatedfromcollege.That’showmuchfaiththeyhaveinher.That’snotwhatIworryabout.Iknowshe’samazing.”
“Whatareyouworriedabout?”Iclearedmythroat,guiltsinkinginthatheknewhowIfeltabouther.KnewIwasstruggling.
“KlinefuckingBarley.IguessShaytoldheraboutacoworkershewantedtosetherupwith,andLilashutherdown.Saidshewasintosomeoneelse.That’snotgood,dude.I’vealreadygottoworryaboutmyfatherguiltingherintostaying.Idon’tneedherfallingforsomeweakfuckerwhowillderailher.”Hescrubbedahanddownhisface.“I’msostressedoutaboutthisbaby.Aboutbeinganewdadandfuckingthingsup.IjustneedLilatobeokay,youknow?Andnow,she’sallhungupongettingDadintothisprogram.YouandIbothknowit’llbeawasteofmoney.Ijustdon’tknowhowtoprotectheranymore.”
Icamearoundthebarandpulledupthestoolnexttohim.“Maybeyoudon’tneedto.Lila’sgotagoodheadonhershoulders.IfshelikesKline,youneedtotrusther.”Obviously,Iknewitwasn’tKlineshewastalkingabout,butIsureasshitwasn’tabouttogothererightnow.“Ifshewantstohelpyourfather,letherdoit.Ifhefails,she’llstoptryingatsomepoint.Youcan’tcontrolthewholeworld,brother.Lifedoesn’tworkthatway.”
“It’sworkedprettywellformeforalongtime.”Hechuckled.“Andwhathappensifshereallyfallsforthisdude?Shestaysherewithaguywhoisn’tgoodenoughforherandspendsherlifetryingtofixourfather?No.ShethrivedinChicagobecauseshewasn’tburdenedbythedramaofourfamily.Byourpast.Shegotherfreshstartfarawayfromhere,andIwantthatforher.That’swhyI’msogratefulthatshehasyou.I’msodistractedwithworkandShayandthebaby,andI’mslipping,dude.So,thankyouforsteppingupforLila.Youaremybrotherineveryway.”
Heclappedmeontheshoulder,andguiltcoursedmyveins.
“Always.ButI’mtellingyou,you’reoverthinkingthisshit.Maybeyoushouldgowithhertocheckoutthatfacility.She’sgettinghiminsoon,anditmightbeniceforhertohaveyoursupport.”
Hisfacehardened.“No.Iwon’tgetbehindthat.He’sgoingtofail,justlikehealwaysdoes.I’mnotbuyingintoLila’sfantasyaboutsavingamanwho’sbeyondsaving.Ican’tdoit,Hugh.”
Inodded.IknewIwasn’tgoingtochangehismindonthisone.Hehadhisreasons.“Igetit.Don’tworryaboutit.I’llbethereforher.YoufocusonShayandthebaby.Iconvincedhertogoseemymomatheroffice.Maybethat’llhelpherthroughallthis,regardlesstheoutcomewithyourdad.”
“That’sfuckingamazing.Yeah,that’llbegreat.She’sgotalotofshitburiedinthere,andsheclearlydoesn’twanttodealwithit,becauseifshedid,Idon’tthinkshe’dbesoquicktohelphim.Thanksforpushinghertodothat.Ioweyou.”
“Youowemenothing.Mymomwasthrilled,andshe’sdamngoodatherjob,sothat’llbeagoodsupport.”
“Yeah.Itotallyagree.Doyouknowhowshe’spayingforthisprogram?Iassumetheymustdoloansatthisplace?”
Iwasn’tgoingtotellhimaboutthecar.He’dlosehisshit.Thiswasn’tmystorytotell,andI’dtakencareofthesituationanyway.“Idon’tknow.Shehasn’tsaidanythingaboutit,justthatshehasitcovered.”
“Ican’tlethergointodebtoverthis,man.”Angerandstressradiatedfromhisshoulders.
“Trav,listen.HaveyoueverconsideredtheideathatLilacouldberight?He’sneverhadtreatment.Whatifthisprogramactuallyworks?Wouldn’titbeworthitthen?”
Hisgazesearchedmine,andheshookhishead.“No.Myfatherdiedintheaccidentthattookmymother’slife.That’sthedayhegaveuponhisfamily.That’sthedaymychildhoodended.”
“Iunderstandyouranger.Ireallydo.ButLiladidherresearch.Shecamehomewithaplan,andshe’sprobablythesmartestpersonIknow.Sojusthavealittlefaithinher.”
“Itmakesmecrazythatshe’sdoingthis,butIalsohatethateverytimeIseeher,I’manasshole.”Heshrugged.“IguessIcouldsupportherwithoutsupportingtheideaofgettinghimhelp.Ishouldstopbustingherballsandenjoythistimewithherbeinghome.”
“That’sagoodplan.She’snotchanginghermindonthis,soyoumayaswellgetonboardasbestyoucan.Spendsometimewithherwithoutridingherasssomuch.”
“Yep.Icandothat.Damn,dude.You’relikeyourmomwiththistherapyshit,”hesaid,asthedoorswungopen,andKlinemadehiswayinsideandglancedoveratus.HisshouldersstiffenedalittlewhenhesawTravis,butheplayeditoffwell.
“Hey,guys.How’severyonedoing?”Klinemadehiswayaroundthebar.“Istoppedbytodothatinventoryyouaskedmetodo.Inevergottoitlastnightbecausewewerepackedfromopentoclose.”
Hewasagoodguy.Areliableemployee.JustnotgoodenoughforLila.Andthepoorbastardwasn’tevenwithher,buthewasgoingtogetthewrathofTravis.
“Thanksfordoingthat.”Inodded.
“It’sgoodyou’rehere.WewerejusttalkingaboutLila,”Travissaid,hisvoicehard.
“Oh,yeah?Whatabout?”
“Aboutthefactthatshe’sleavingatthebeginningofSeptember.Thisistemporary.”
KlinenoddedashereachedfortheclipboardbehindthebarandglancedoveratmebeforehiseyesmovedbacktoTravis.Hecouldjusttellhimrightnowthatnothingwasgoingon,andwhythehellwouldn’the?
“Iknow.She’sbeenveryclearaboutthat.”
“Good.Sodon’tgetanyideasaboutchangingthat.Yougotit?”Travispushedtohisfeetandsquaredhisshoulders.Itwashardnottolaughbecausehewassuchafuckingbrutesometimes,butbeneathitallwasareallygoodman.
Amanwholovedhissisterfiercely.
“Yeah.Igotit.Thisistemporarybetweenus,too.”Klineshrugged,andapartofmewonderedwhyhedidn’tjustsayitandgetTravisoffhisback.
“Thenwe’llgetalongjustfine.Butifyouhurther,Iwillhuntyoudown.Andyourbosshere,he’llprobablybeatmetothepunch.”
“Okay,Rambo.Ithinkhegetsit.”Ichuckled,andKlineshookhisheadwithdisbeliefbeforeturningbacktohisclipboard.
“I’llseeyoulater.”Travisheldhishandoverhisheadandwavedashepushedoutthedoor.
IturnedtolookatKline.Icouldn’tgetareadontheguy.Therewasnoreasonforhimtoactlikehewaswithherifhewasn’t.WasImissingsomething?
Helookedupatmeandraisedabrow.“Youowemeone.Thatdudeiscrazy.”
Ishovedmyhandsinmypockets.“So,why’dyougoalongwithit?”
“Becauseshe’sagreatgirl;shedeservestodowhatevershewantstodorightnow.So,ifmegoingalongwithittakessomeheatoffher,Icanlivewiththat.AslongasDanielledoesn’tgetwindofitandthinksomething’sreallygoingon.Plus,I’vegotaprettycoolboss,andIthinkhe’dappreciatemeplayingalong.UnlessI’mtotallymisreadingthings?”
Fuck.Wasitthatobvious?
“Idon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout.”Ismirked.Becausenothingwasgoingon.Wehadn’tactedonitoutsideofthatonenightdownatthecove.
Unlessyoucountedmesittinginthebathroomwhileshebathed,whichIsupposecouldbeconsideredinappropriate.
AndthenightIsleptinherbed.
AndthemillionsoftimesI’vefantasizedabouther…
“Sure,youdon’t.Anddon’tworryaboutit.Yoursecretissafewithme!”heyelled,andhewasstilllaughingasImademywaydowntomyoffice.
Mysecretsureasshitwouldn’tbesafeifhekeptshoutinglikethat.
Notthatthereevenwasasecretatthispoint.
Mycellvibrated,andIlookeddowntoseemysiblinggrouptextthatwasconstant,andI’dmissedashittonofmessageswhileI’dbeentalkingtoTravis,soItookaminutetogetcaughtupontheReynoldsfamilydramaoftheday.
Brinkley
Wheniseveryoneheadingtothecityforthewedding?Kaerandoesn’twanttogotooearlybecauseyouguysmakehimsodamnnervous.
Kaeranwasherboyfriend,andnoneofuswerebigfansoftheguy.
Cage
That’sastupidreason,whichisveryfittingforhisstupidname.
Ibarkedoutalaughbecausemybrotherwasagrumpydude,butnoonemademelaughasmuchasCagedid.
Brinkley
Glassfreakinghouses.YournameisCage.It’shardlycommon.
Finn
Iseewe’reallcheerythismorning.TellKARENtorelax.Hispantiesseemtobewoundtight.
Cage
<Preachemoji>
Brinkley
Whyisn’tthereamiddlefingeremoji?
Finn
Thereis.Updateyourphone.<middlefingeremoji>
Brinkley
Learnsomethingneweveryday.<eyerollemoji>
Georgia
HappyMonday,guys.Ijustgottoclass,butithasn’tstartedyet.Wegettopaintsomenakeddudetoday,andIcan’tthinkofabetterwaytostartmyday.<eggplantemoji>
Finn
Attagirl.Waytoliveupyourlastfewmonthsofcollege.WhatIwouldn’tgivetogoback.
Cage
Iseeyou’retakingyourclassesveryseriously,Georgie.Lifeisn’tallpaintingsandpenises,youknow.And,Finn,youtooksixyearstograduate,sostopwhining.
Brinkley
IthinkHugh’snextrestaurantshouldbenamedPaintingsandPenises.I’dtotallygothere.
Georgia
Iseethemoralpoliceisoutinforcetoday.Thanks,bigbrother.Brinks,Iamtotallyherefortherestaurantname,butlet’slosethepaintingpart.IliketheideaofitjustbeingcalledPENISES!AndwhereisHugh,anyway?
Finn
ProbablyhavinghisgourmetbreakfastservedtohimbyLila.Thedudehasfoundawaytogetfreakingmealsincludedinherlivinginthecasita.Idon’tseeGeorgiadoingthisaftershemovesin.
Georgia
You’dbecorrectunlesshewantsramennoodlesorgummybearsforbreakfast.Lila’scomingtotheweddingasHugh’splusone,andIcouldn’tbehappieraboutit.Dikotaalsoisn’tlookingforwardtocomingormeetingyouguys.
Cage
Whatiswithalltheweirdspellingsofnameswiththeguysyoutwodate?Imean,hemusthavereceivedendlessdickjokeshisentirelife.Whatwerehisparentsthinking?Andwhythefuckisn’thelookingforwardtomeetingus?
Georgia
Gee.Iwonderwhy?
Brinkley
I’mgladLila’scomingasHugh’splusonesowewon’thavetodealwithhimfreakingoutthatsomewomanthinkshe’sgoingtowanttowalkdowntheaisle.#commitmentphobe
Youassholesdon’tmissabeat.I’msorrythatIdon’tjumpintorelationshipsasquicklyasyoutwo,BrinksandGeorgie.I’dneverdateanyonewhowasn’texcitedtobearoundourfamily.We’rethefuckingbest.So,tellthosedudestofuckoff.
Finn
Fuck,yeah.Thevoiceofreasonishere.Welcome,brother.
Cage
Agreed.Whatthefuckistheirproblemwithus?I’moffended,butseeingasthelastguyGeorgiebroughthomewasaveganmute,DICKOSAURUSisanupgrade.
Theypurposelyspelledtheirnameswrongjusttofuckwiththem.BecausewewereReynolds,andthatwasjustwhatwedid.
Georgia
HEWASMAKINGASTATEMENTABOUTTHEWORLDBEINGASHITSHOW!
Finn
Bynotspeaking?Idon’tthinkpeopleheardthemessage,Georgie.Gladyoukickedthatdude’sasstothecurb.Idon’ttrustapersonwhochoosesnottospeak.
Cage
Oreatagoddamnsteak.
Orwearsapinkyring.
Georgia
Okay,okay,Igetit.ButDikotaisdifferent,Ipromise.Mynudejustshowedup,andohmy.<fireemoji><eyesbulgingemoji>
Brinkley
Stopbeingsojudgy.Ilikedtheveganmute.Whatwashisname?
Georgia
HisnamewasLegend.
Yethe’sbarelymemorable?Toughnameforaveganmute.Don’tbestaringatpenisestoolong,Georgie.Diktokmightgetjealous.
Georgia
<Eyerollemoji>
Brinkley
Ihavetogetbacktowork.Thanksfortherivetingconversation.Andnoneofyouansweredmyquestion.Loveyou.
Iwasstilllaughing.MysiblingswerethebestpeopleIknew.Evenwhentheydrovemecrazy,Ilovedthehelloutofthem.EveryonefinallyrespondedtoBrink’squestion,andwewereallheadingtothehotelonFriday,whichwasclosetoWolf’sparents’home,wheretheyweregettingmarried.
DanielleandKlineweregoingtobeinchargeofReynolds’,andmymanagerattheotherbar,MarcyStevens,wouldbeoverseeingthingsatGarrity’sandBurgersandBrewsformewhileIwasgone.Iwasn’tanxiousaboutleavingbecauseIwouldn’tmissthisweddingfortheworld.
“Hey,”Lilasaid,standinginthedoorway,holdingaplate.“Imissedyouthismorningandthoughtyoumightbehungry.Ibroughtyousomebananapancakesandbacon.”
Mydicktwitchedatthesightofherinthewhitesundresswithskinnystrapsonhertanshoulders.IcouldseemyselfpushingthosestrapsdownandkissingmywaydownhernecktoherperfecttitsthatIachedtotouch.
Totaste.
Fuckme.
ThiswaswhyIwasstayingaway.
EveryfuckingtimeIsawher,thiswaswhathappened.
“Thatsoundsgreat.Thankyou.”
Shesteppedinandsettheplatedown,alongwithanapkinandsomeutensilsbeforedroppingtositinthechairacrossfromme.“Areyouavoidingme?”
Icouldhearthehurtinhervoice.Iwasavoidingherbecauseweneededsomedistance.Iwasdoingitforher.
ForTravis.
Ipulledthefoilfromtheplateandlookedupather.“Yeah.Iam.”
Hergazenarrowed.“Well,atleastyou’rehonest.”
“YouknowI’llneverlietoyou.AndI’mdoingitforyou,sodon’tlooksohurt.”
Sherolledherprettyeyes.“Don’ttakethemoralhighroadandthenclaimit’sforme.You’renotdoingitformeorforyourself.You’redoingitformybrother,whoisn’tinvolvedatall.”Shepushedtoherfeetandmovedtothedoorway.“Youknowwhat…Itakethatback.You’redoingitalittlebitforyourselfbecauseIthinkyou’reterrifiedofthewayyoufeel,Bear.Ijustneverwouldhavepeggedyouforacoward.I’vegottogettowork.”
Shotsfired.
Whatthefuckwasthatabout?
Acoward?I’dbeencalledalotofthingsinmylife.
Aplayer.Anasshole.Noncommittal.Cocky.
Acoward?Never.
IwasnotafraidofLilaJames.
Iwasn’tafraidofanything.sixteenLila
HughandIspenttherestoftheweekcompletelyavoidingoneanother.Iwasfinewithit.Ifhewasn’tgrownupenoughtoownuptohisfeelings,thenthatwasonhim.Itwasn’tlikeIwaspressuringhimtohaveaseriousrelationship.Iwasherefortwomoremonths,andweren’tflingshisspecialty?Itriednottobeoffendedbythefactthathewouldn’tgotherewithme,butitdefinitelystung.
Andwe’dbegoingtotheweddingtomorrowtogether.
Obviously,Iwantedtobepreparedjustincasesomethingwastohappen.So,I’daskedmybestfriendsforsometips,andsomehow,I’dbeenwrangledintogoingtotheplacewhereSloanegetswaxed.She’dpickedmeupfromReynolds’,andIglancedoverasIsaidgoodbyetoBrandyandfoundHugh’seyesonme.
Hiseyeswerealwaysonme.
Hewasjusttoomuchofababytodoanythingaboutit.
“RinaandDelaremeetingusthere,”shesaidafterIjumpedintohervintageVolkswagenbugandbuckledup.
Ilaughed.“Isitnormallyagroupevent?”
“No.ButDelandRinaareinthemoodforsomemac‘ncheesewithasideofawkwardsexualquestioningatCottonwoodCafé,soItoldthemtomeetusatthewaxplacefirst.”Shepulledoutontotheroadandglancedoveratme.“So,youthinkKline’stheguy?He’sperfectflingmaterial.”
Ifeltguiltynottellingthemthetruth,butitwasjusteasierthisway.Thehumorouspartwasthatnothingwashappeninganyway,butiftherewasachancethatIendedupinaroomwithHughReynoldsthisweekend,andhestoppedworryingaboutmybrotherandmadeamove,Iwantedtobeprepared.Thegirlshadallsharedhorrorstoriesaboutbeingembarrassedthattheyhadn’tgroomedanythingdownthere,andI’dalwayslikedbeingpreparedforthings.I’dbeenpreparingtolosemyvirginityforfarlongerthannecessary.Itwasalmostridiculousatthispoint.
“Idon’tknow.Timewilltell,”Isaid,asshepulledintotheparkinglot,andIlookeduptoseealargesignthatreadThePrettyKitty
“We’rehere.”Sheturnedoffthecarandgiggled.
“Really?Icouldn’ttellbythegiganticsign.”
“Meow,”shesaidoverafitoflaughter.“Let’sgo,girl.Del’scarishere,sotheymustbeinside.”
DelandRinabothhuggeduswhenwesteppedinside.
“IsawKlineyesterdayatthegrocerystore,andheactuallyblushedwhenIbroughtyouup.Hesaidthingsaregoinggreat,”Rinasaidwithawidegrinspreadclearacrossherface.
Ididn’tknowwhyKlinewasplayingalong,orwhyIwas,either.NothingwasevenhappeningwithHugh,andnothingwashappeningwithKline.AndIcertainlydidn’twanttodoanythingtohurthimandDanielle.ButheclaimedDaniellewantedtokeepthingscasual,sohehadnoproblemwithit.
“It’snothingserious.”
“Yet,hereweare?”Rinagiggled.“ThefirsttimeIdidthis,itwasnotpleasant.Itgetseasiereverytime.”
“Great.Ifeelalittleawkwardaboutherseeingeverything,”Iwhispered
“Please.ThiswomanhasseenmorepussiesthanmostofthemenhereinCottonwoodCove.”Sloanewaggledherbrows.“AndI’mguessingyoursisgorgeous,justlikeyou.”
Wealllaughedathowridiculousshewas,whenawomanwithbrightpinkhaircameoutoftheroom.“Hey,ladies,goodtoseeyou.”
Shehuggedeachofmyfriendsbeforeturningtome.“Hey,I’mVeronica.YoumustbeLila.You’rethevirgin,right?”
IgaspedandturnedtoglareatSloane.“Youtoldher?”
“Um…no,”Sloanesaidoverhystericallaughter.“Thatwouldbeonyou.Shejustmeantavirginwaxer.”
“Ahhh…okay.I’llpretendIdidn’thearthat.Noneofmybusiness.Let’sgo,mylittlevirginwaxer.”Sheledmeintoaroom,andtheyeachtookaseatinthetinywaitingareaoutsideoftheroom.
Thenextfortyminuteswerenotverypleasant.Andremember,IhadaprettyhighsufferingratewithallthetrainingI’ddoneovertheyears.But,hotwaxingyourvajazzle—itwasupthereinthemiserydepartment.
“Damn.Somethingisoffwiththiswaxtoday,”Veronicasaidformaybethefourteenthtimeafterrippingoffthebandages.
“Butit’sokay,right?It’sworking?”
“Um,yes.It’sdefinitelyworking.Itjustseemshotterthanusual.”
“It’snormalthatithurts,right?”
“Oh,yes,”shesaid,placingcoldragsallovermyladypartswhileIlaytherespreadeagle.Normally,thiswouldbemortifying,butitwasburningsobadlythatIdidn’tcare.Thecoldragsweresoothing.“Italwayshurts,butit’sjustdoinganextragoodjobtoday,Iguess.”
Isurgedforward,sittinguponmyelbows.“Whatdoesthatmean?”
“Ithinktheheaterthingisonthefritz,sothetemperaturemayhavebeenalittleoff.”Sheclearedherthroat.“Luckily,youkeptthatlittlelandingstrip,soIdidn’tpullyourentirevaginaoffwithwax.”Shebarkedoutalaughlikethewholethingwashilarious.
Iglanceddownattheclothscoveringmeup.“Yeah.I’dsortofliketokeepmyvagina.”
“Forsure.It’sstillthere.Ijustchecked.”Herlaughwasridiculouslyhigh-pitched.“Let’shaveyoulieback,andI’mgoingtoputsomesalveonit.Igetthisfromaspecialhealer,anditworkswonders,”shesangout.“But,maybeyoucanhaveyourboyfriendblowonthesensitivearealaterifitstillhurts.”
Igroaned.Whatthehellwassheeventalkingabout?“Idon’thaveaboyfriend.Ineedtohavesomeoneblowonit?”
Shepulledoffthetowels,andItriedtositbackup,butthewomannearlykaratechoppedmeinthethroat.“Liedown.Oh,whatashamethatyoudon’thaveaman.You’vegotyourselfaprettykittythere,girl.Butyoucouldjustfanityourselfwithanotebook.”
Ihadtofanmyselfnow?
AnddidsheseriouslyjustsayIhadaprettykitty?
IflinchedwhenshestartedapplyingwhatfeltlikeamixofVaselineandsuperglueonmybikiniarea.
“Doeseveryonehavetofanthemselvesaftertheygetwaxed?”
“Well,Ithinkweallliketobefanneddownstairs,amIright?”
Ilaughedandshruggedawkwardly.“Oh,yeah,sure.”
“Youmightbealittleirritated.Thefirsttimeisalwaystheworst,andlikeIsaid,thewaxwasabithotterthanusual,butatleastitdidthejob.Youshouldbefinebytomorrow,orforsureinafewdays.”
“Afewdays?”Isqueaked.
“Ihighlydoubtthatlong.Thehealersaidthisstuffworksmiracles.”
Iglanceddowntoseemyselfslatheredinsomesortofointment,butIcouldn’treallyseewhatwasbeneathit.Isatforwardandpulledupmypanties,wincingalittlewhenIpulledonmyshorts.Ifollowedherouttothelobbyandhandedhermydebitcard,andshequicklyrangmeup.
“Ourgirlislookingverychicdownstairs,”Veronicasaidtothegirls,andeveryonelaughed.
Whatwasthis?Hotwaxbanter?Isthatathing?
“Ofcourse,shedoes.AndIknewyou’dworkyourmagic,”Sloanesaid.
“How’ditgo?”Delaskedme.
“Itwasfine.Notthemostpleasantexperience,butIsurvived.”
“Thereweresomeissueswiththewax,anditwasdefinitelyhotterthanusual.ButLilatookitlikeachamp.”Veronicashrugged.
“Let’shopeLilatakeseverythinglikeachamp,”Sloanesaid,andeveryoneburstoutinlaughter.Irolledmyeyesbecausethevirginjokeswereexhausting,andmybikiniareawascurrentlyonfire.
“Youokay?”Delsaid,leadingmeoutthedoor.
“Yes.I’lllive.Shegavemesomesalvefromahealer,soshesaidIshouldbefineinafewhoursorafewdays,”Isaidaswewalked.IkeptmylegsaparttopreventmyclothesfromrubbingbecauseIwasfeelingsuperrawdownthere,andIwasstartingtogetconcerned.
“What?Salvefromahealer?Sloane,whatkindofwitchdoctordidyousendherto?”
“Idon’tknow.She’snevergivenmeanyspecialsalves.I’veneverhadanyissueswithher,”Sloanesaidaswewalkedtowardthecars.
“Wait,didn’tshetakeoffoneofyoureyebrowsonce?”Rinaasked,aswepausedinfrontofthetwocars.
“Oh,well,yeah.Thatdidhappentheonetime.Faultywax,orsomething.But,you’rewaxedandcleanedup,andthat’swhatmatters.”
“True.Atleastit’sover,”Isaid,shiftingmylegstotrytocoolthefirebetweenmythighs.Whatthehellwasinthatsalve?
“Lila’sdrivingwithme,”Delsaid.“We’llmeetyouguysthere.”
Weallgotinthecarsandheadedtodinner.
“Well,atleastyou’llhavethisweekendtorecoverbeforeyouseeKlinenextweek.”DelpulledoutoftheparkinglotanddrovetheshortblocktoCottonwoodCafé.
Iwasquiet.“Yep.That’sarelief.”
I’dgonethroughallofthistomakesureIlookedgoodforthisweekend.Butshedidn’tknowthat.
Delputthecarintopark.“LilaMaeJames.Cuttheshit.”
“What?”
“SloaneandRinamayhavebeenbornunderalog,butIwasnot.YoudidnotgetwaxedforKlineBarley,andwebothknowit.I’vegivenyouenoughtimetocomeclean,evenpouringonallthechatteraboutKlinethatwebothknowisn’ttrue,butnowI’mforcingyoutospillit.”
“Howdoyouknownothing’sgoingonwithKline?”
“Theydon’tcallmetheworld’smostobservanthumanbeingfornothing,”shesaid,aswewatchedSloaneandRinawalkintotherestaurant.
“Nobodycallsyouthemostobservanthumanbeing.”Ilaughed.
“Well,theyshouldstart.BecauseIsawthewayyouwerewithKlineatthatbikerbar.IsawthewayHughlosthisshitonthatassholewhograbbedyouandthewayhelookedatyou.We’veneverliedtooneanother,sowhyareyoustartingnow?”
Isighed.“I’msorry.Ijust—therereallyisnothinggoingonwithhim,butIdowishtherewas.Butwedidshareafewmoments.”
Iquicklytoldhereverything.Aboutthenightatthecove,thenighthesleptinmyroom,eventhoughnothinghappened,andthewayhe’drunmeabathafterwhathappenedatthebarandsattherewithme.
“Holyhotness,”shewhispered.“Whatdidhelooklikenaked?”
Ichuckled.“Itwasdark,butfromwhatIdidsee—andfelt—he’severythingyouwouldimagineheis.Imean,Ihumpedthemanintooblivion,Del.It’skindofmortifying.”
Sheleanedforwardandhuggedme.“He’sjustscaredbecauseheandTravisaresoclose.AndIguessIgetit.You’renotstaying,andit’snotlikeyou’resomeonehecouldhavejustaflingwith.”
“Why?”Iasked.
“You’renotthatgirl,Lila.Andyouhaveahistorywithhim.Itcouldfuckupeverything.”Shelookedaway,andIfollowedhergazetoSloanestandinginthedoorwaywithherhandsupintheair,annoyedthatwehadn’tcomeinside.
“Shit.We’lltalkmorelater.”
“Del,noonecanknowanythingeverhappened,okay?”
“Girl,youknowIwilltakeittothegrave.ButIwantallthedetailsthisweekendwhenyougotothatwedding.Andyou’resharingaroom?”Shefannedherfacebeforeturningoffthecar.
“Well,betweenhimavoidingmeliketheplague,andmyvaginabeingsetonfire,Ithinkit’ssafetosaynothingisgoingtohappen.JustanotherboringdayinthelifeofLilaJames.”
“YougottogrindupagainstanakedHughReynoldsinthecove.You’rethehorniestvirginI’veevermet,”shesaidoverherlaughter.“Younevergettocallyourselfboringagain.”
Ipushedthedooropen,stilllaughing,andlookeduptoseeSloanewithherbrowsraised.
“AreyoutalkingshitaboutVeronica?”shehissed.
“Nope.We’retalkingshitaboutyou,”Delsaidoverafitoflaughter.
Andjustlikethat,wehaddinner,gotquestionedbyMrs.Runither,andlaughedourassesoff,justlikewealwaysdid.
I’dgonetoDel’safterwe’deatentoborrowablackbacklessgownfortheweddingasitwasablack-tieevent,andIdidn’thaveanythingtowear.Hersisterloanedmesomestrappyblackheels,andI’dbeenrelievedthatthedressfitperfectly,minusthefactthatmyboobswereabitsmallerthanDel’s.Butthelowdipinthefrontwasfinewithorwithouttatasfallingoutofit.
WhenImadeithome,Iforcedmyselftoshower,andIcringedwhenIsawhowredandirritateditwasbetweenmylegs.IreappliedthesalvethatVeronicahadgivenme,andtosayIwasuncomfortablewouldbeanunderstatement.
IbarelysleptawinkbecauseHughhadn’tcomeinuntilwellaftermidnight,andmymindkeptwanderingtoKarmyandwonderingifhewaswithher.
Orsomeoneelse.
Ihadnorighttobejealous.Weweren’t…anything.YetItossedandturnedallnightandgotangrierwitheachpassinghour.
***
“You’reawfullyquiet,”Hughsaid,aswemergedontothefreewaytoheadtowardthecity.
“AmI?”
Hechuckled.“Areyoumadatme?”
“No.Ihavenorighttobemadatyou,doI?”Ilookedoutthewindow.
“Imean,you’retheonewhocalledmeacoward.IthinkIshouldbemad.”
“Butyouaren’tmad,areyou?Becauseyouknowit’strue.”
“Idon’tbelievethatmethinkingwithmyheadforonceinmylifemakesmeacoward.You’releaving,Lila.Sowhathappensifwecrossthelineforthenext,what—twomonths?That’sonlyeightfuckingweeks.Andthenwhat?There’sthisweirdnesseverytimeweseeoneanother?Yourbrotherfuckinghatesmeforever?Whyevengothere?”
Wow.He’dreallyputalotofthoughtintothetimeline.Themanrarelyhadrelationshipsthatlastedlongerthanaweekend,andnowhewasconcernedeightweekswasn’tenoughtime?Thiswasdefinitelyinteresting,anditsupportedmycowardtheoryevenmore.
“Wow.YouactlikeI’maskingyoutomarryme.Doyouputthismuchthoughtintotheotherwomenyoulike?”
“No.Becausetheyaren’tyou.You’redifferent,andyouknowit.”
“Andsoareyou.That’swhyitmakessensetome,”Isaid,watchingthetreesflybyaswemoveddownthehighway.
“Whatmakessensetoyou?”
“I’veknownyoumostofmylife,Bear.Iknowwhatagoodmanyouare.I’mobviouslyveryattractedtoyou,andIthinkyou’reattractedtome.So,whyfightit?WebothknowI’mleaving;there’snosecretthere.I’mnotlookingforforever.Forthefirsttimeinmylife,Iwanttojusthavesomefun.Whynotallowourselvestoactonit?AndIliketheideaofyoubeingmyfirst.”
Hestaredstraightaheadatthehighway.“AndTravis?Youthinkhe’lljustbefinewithit?”
“Idon’treallycarewhathethinks.I’magrown-up,andit’snoneofhisbusiness,”Ihissed.“Imean,didheaskyoupermissionbeforehehookedupwithShay?”
“Well,thatwouldbeweird.Shay’snotmyfuckingsister.Itmakesadifference,Snow.”
“Itdoesn’thaveto.Thisisn’tforhimorforanyoneelse.We’realreadyfriends.Thiscouldbesomethingthatisjustforus.Hedoesn’tneedtoknow.I’mcertainlynotgoingtotellhim.NordidIcallandinformhimanytimeIhookedupwithsomeonewhenIwasawayatschool.Becauseit’s.None.Of.His.Business.”
Hewasquiet,andIletthatsittherebetweenus.Iwasfeelingmoreconfidentlately,andIwasdonejustgoingalongwithwhateverTraviswanted,justforthesakeofkeepingthepeace.Ilovedmybrotherverymuch,butthathadnothingtodowithmypersonallife.
“Braxsaidthecarsold,andtheguypickeditup?Youhaven’tfilledmeinonthat,”hesaid,completelychangingthesubject.
“Well,youhaven’texactlybeenaround.Godknowswhatyou’vebeendoing.Butyes,thecardealwentthrough.”
Helookedoveratme,hislipsturningupjusttheslightestbitinthecorners.“Youjealous,Snow?”
“Yeah,IguessIam.I’mnottheonepretendingIdon’tcare.”
“I’mnoteither.IfIdidn’tcare,thiswouldbeeasy.”Heclearedhisthroat.“AndFinnwasintownlastnight,sohecametoReynolds’,andwestayeduplate,talkinganddrinkingbeers.IwishIcouldtellyouI’vebeenhookingupwithrandomwomenbecausethatwouldhaveyourunningforthehills.Butforwhateverfuckingreason,thathasn’thappenedsinceyou’vecomehome.”
Ituckedmylipsbeneathmyteethtokeepfromblatantlysmiling,becausethatwasarelief.
“Goodtoknow.”
Hechuckled.“So,didyoucallHavenwood?What’stheplan?”
“Yep.Shesentoverabunchofpaperwork,whichDadandIfilledouttogethertwonightsago,andIemaileditallbacktoher.Weshouldbegettingacallnextweek.He’sreadytogo.We’vetalkedaboutit.Hesaidhe’ssickofbeingaslavetohisaddiction.So,givinghimthischanceisthebestwecando,right?”
“Iagree.Andyoudidit.Youcamehomewithaplan,andyoumadeithappen.”
“Well,therealworkstartsnow.That’swhyIaskedfortheamountoftimeoffthatIdidbeforestartingthenewjob.It’salreadyJulyinafewdays.I’mguessinghe’sgoingtoneedatleastthirtydaysinaprogram,probablylonger.I’dliketobeherethefirstfewdaysthathegetsout,ifpossible.So,that’swherethewholetimelinecamefrom,butthatwasallpendinghe’dagreetogo,thatwefoundaplacethatwouldtakehim,thatthecarwouldsell,andeverythingwouldfallintoplace.Nowhejusthastodothework.”Isighed.Itwasallhappening.
“That’sgreat.DidyoutellTravis?”
“Yep.Iaskedhimifhe’ddriveustherenextweektocheckhimin.ItoldhimmycarwasintheshopbecauseIdon’tneedtodealwithhiswrathorhavehimtellDadthatIsoldmycarandmakehimfeelguilty.”
“Whatdidhesay?”
“Hesaidthathewasbusy,andhewouldn’tbegoingoutthere.”Ishrugged.I’daskDelifIcouldborrowhercar.Traviscoulddowhathewantedtogetinthewayofthishappening,butitwouldn’tstopanything.
“I’lltakeyou,allright?”
Inodded.“Thankyou.”
“Mymomsaidyouguysmetthisweek.”
“Yeah.She’sthebest.ThefirstmeetingwasjusttalkingaboutmecominghomeandgettingDadintoaprogram.Apparently,nextweekwe’redivingintothejuicystuff,”IsaidwithalaughandthenwincedwhenIshifted,andthediscomfortbetweenmylegsremindedmenottomove.
“What’swrong?Youokay?”
“I’mfine.”ThiswasnotsomethingIwasabouttosharewithhim.
Henodded,butwhenhegazedoveratme,Ididn’tmisstheconcernIsawthere.“Allright.Ifyouneedanything,justsaytheword.”
Wouldaskinghimtoblowonmyvajazzlebetoomuch?
Becausemyprettykittywasonfire.seventeenHugh
We’dtalkedallthewaytothecity,andthatwasthethingwithLila.Itwaseasy.Theconversation,thelaughter,theattraction.
“So,didyougetustworooms?”LilaraisedabrowwhenIpulledintothevaletatthehotelandputthetruckintopark.
“Nope.Theydidn’thaveanyotherroomsavailable,”Isaid,whichwasnottrue,butI’dneveractuallycalledtoask.
LikeIsaid,Iwasalloverthefuckingplacewiththisgirl.
IclimbedoutofthetruckandcamearoundtohelpheroutasIpulledoursuitcasesoutofthetruckbed,andthevaletgreetedusandhandedmealittlecardtocallwhenIneededmytruck.Anotherguywalkedoverandtookourluggage,andwefollowedhiminside.
Wepausedinthegrandfoyer.
“Wow,”Lilasaid,spinningaroundinheryellowsundress,long,darkwavesfallingdownherback.“Thisissopretty.Lookatthechandeliers.”
Iglancedupatthelightfixturesoverheadandchuckled.“Swanky,huh?”
Imovedtothefrontdeskandtoldthemmynameastheolderwomantypedonherkeyboard.“Yes,onekingsuiteonthetopfloorwithcityviews.Wehavealltheweddingguestsstayingononefloor,pertheWayburns’request.”
“Soundsgreat.Thankyou.”Itookthecardboardportfoliowiththekeystuckedinsideandslippeditintothebackpocketofmyjeansaswewalkedtowardtheelevators.Theguywhotookourluggagesaidhe’dmeetusupstairs.
Oncewesteppedon,IlookeduptoseeLilaeyeingmeasshestoodagainsttheoppositewallfromme.“Didyoutrytogettwoqueenbeds?”
“I’vealwayspreferredakingoveraqueen.I’matallguy.Ineedtostretchout.”Ismirked.
“Didyouevercallthehotelandaskfortworooms?”shepressed.Itmadesense.I’dbeenavoidingherfordays,yethereIwas,sharingaroomwithher.Trustme,Ididn’tunderstanditmyself.
Thedoorsopened,andImotionedforhertostepoffwithoutansweringherquestion,justastheguywho’dtakenoursuitcasescamewalkingoutofourroomandheldthedooropen.Ihadnoideahowhebeatusthere,butIslippedhimsomecashandthankedhimfortakingcareofthat.
Lilawalkedinsidefirst,andIclosedthedoorbehindus.Floor-to-ceilingwindowswithviewsofthecityspreadacrossthefarwall.Alargekingcanopybedsatinthemiddleoftheroom,remindingmethatI’dmadenoattempttochangethesleepingarrangements.
Andinsteadoffeelingpanicked,Ifeltanythingbut.
Lilahurriedovertothewindowsandstaredoutside.“Wow,thisisgorgeous.”
IwaslookingatamuchbetterviewasIwatchedher.Asifsheknewit,sheslowlyturnedaround.“So,we’resharingabed?”
“Itwon’tbethefirsttime,right?”Isaid,myvoicegruff.
“Yeah.You’reright.”Shemovedtothebedandsatdown,butshewincedalittle,whichcaughtmeoffguard.I’dthoughtshe’dwincedinthetruck,aswell,butshe’dinsistedshewasfine.
“Youokay?”
“Oh,yeah.I’mfine.Justsorefrommyrunyesterday.”Iwassurprisedshehadn’tgoneforarunbeforewelefttoday,butshe’dbeeninherroomallmorning.
“Allright.So,we’vegotafewhoursbeforetherehearsaldinner.Isthereanythingyouwanttodointhecitywhilewe’rehere?”
“I’measy,”shepurred.“Whatwouldyouliketodo?”
Oh,youcan’tbegintocomprehendwhatI’dliketodo.
“Wecouldgrabsomethingtoeat.Areyouhungry?”
“Sure.Icouldeat,”shesaid,herdarkeyessearchingmine.
Imovedcloser,mylegsbumpinghersasshesatontheedgeofthebed.MyhandreachedforherfingersasIlookeddownather.
“Iheardwhatyousaidinthecar.Iwantyoutoknowthat,okay?”
“Okay.So,areyougoingtostopavoidingme?”
“Yeah.Idon’tthinkIcankeepitupanyway,”Isaid,movingtositbesideher,butourhandsremainedintertwined.
“Why?”
“BecauseIcan’tstopthinkingaboutyou.AndI’mfuckingtrying,Snow.I’mtryingtodotherightthing.Butit’skillingme.”There.Isaidit.Itwasthetruth.
“Therightthingforwho?ForTravis?Forsomeonewhoisn’teveninvolvedinthis?It’sridiculous,youknowthat,right?We’rebothadults.”
“He’smybestfriend.He’syourbrother.So,he’sinvolvednomatterhowyoulookatit.Andyoubeing—”Iranmyfreehandthroughmyhairandletoutalong,torturedbreath.“Idon’twanttotakeanythingIdon’tdeservefromyou,Lila.So,thisiscomplicatedforamillionreasons.Plus,you’renotstaying,sowe’replayingwithfire.”
“Firstofall,mebeingavirginisnotanissue.You’renottakingsomethingfromme;you’regivingmesomething.IwouldmuchrathermyfirsttimebewithsomeoneIfeelsafewithandcareabout.I’vehadlotsofopportunities,Bear.Theyjustneverfeltright.Butthisdoes.”Shemovedtoclimbonmylap.“Andsincewhendoyouworrysomuchaboutthefuture?Doyounormallyaskawomanhowlongshe’llbestickingaround?Whyisthatplayingwithfire?”
“Becauseit’syou,”Isaid,tuckingherhairbehindherearandbreathingherin.Iitchedtokissher.Totasteher.
“I’magrownwoman.AndIwantyou.We’vealwaysbeengoodfriends,andthatwon’tchange.We’lljustbesharingsomethingspecialwhileI’mhome,andit’snoone’sbusinessbutours.Nothingwillchange.We’retogetherallthetimeatworkandhome,anyway.So,totheoutsideworld,nothingwillbedifferent.Thisisjustforus.”
Fuck.Shewassayingalltherightthings.
“Justforus,”Isaid,mylipsgrazingherear.“Yousureaboutthis?Becauseoncewestart,Snow,Iwon’tbeabletostop.I’vebeenfightingthisforweeks.”
“I’veneverbeensureraboutanything.”
Thatwasallittook.Mymouthcoveredhers.Myhandtangledinherhair,whiletheothershiftedherontomylapsoshewasstraddlingme.ButIfeltthewayherbodyflinchedwhenshegroundagainstme,andIpulledherback.Herlipswereplump,eyesfilledwithdesire,anddarkwavesfallingallaroundher.SosexyandgorgeousInearlycameundoneatjustthesightofher.
“Why’dyoustop?”sheasked.Herbreathswerecominghardandfast,andhereyebrowspinchedtogetherwithconcern.
“Youflinched.Ifeltit.We’renotdoingthisunlessyou’recertain,Lila.”
Shegroanedandcoveredherfacewithherhands.“IdidnotflinchbecauseI’mhesitant.”
Ituggedherhandsawayfromherface.“Lookatme.Tellmewhat’sgoingon.Areyounervous?Wecantakethingsslow.”
Myhandsmoveddownhersidesandsettledonherhips.
“No.Nothinglikethat.Ididsomethingstupid,”shewhispered.
“Tellme.Whatdidyoudo?”
“Iwantedthistohappen,”shesaidwithashrug,andhercheekspinked.Shewassofuckingsweetsometimes,andhervulnerabilityandhonestywassomethingIwasdrawnto.“AndIhopeditwouldhappen,youknow?So,Iwenttothisplaceyesterdaywiththegirls.It’scalledThePrettyKitty.”
Myeyeswidened.“WhatthefuckisThePrettyKitty?”
“It’sawaxingplace.AndIgotmybikiniareawaxedjustincaseyouweretoseeme.”
“Ihaveseenyou,andyou’refuckingperfect,”Isaid,searchinghergazeandtryingtofigureoutwherethiswasgoing.
“Yousawmeinthedark,inthewater.Ijustwantedtobeready.”Sheshrugged.
“So,youwenttoawaxingplaceandgotwaxed?”Iasked.
“Idid.Butthewaxwashavingsomeissuesandwasmaybehotterthannormal,andIdon’tknow.Ohmygod,thisissoembarrassing.”Sheshookherheadandcoveredherfaceagainwithherhands.
“Hey,”Isaid,wrappingmyfingersaroundherwristsandpullingherhandsdown.“Ifwe’regoingtodothis,youhavetobeabletotalktome.There’snothingtobeembarrassedabout.So,thewaxwashot?Isn’titsupposedtobehot?”
Shechuckled.“Yeah,Iguessso.Butitwashotterthanusual,andthensheusedthishealingsalvethatIthinkIpossiblyhadareactionto,andsoit’salittleirritatedonthesidesofmy—er,vajazzle.”
Ibarkedoutalaugh.“Yourvajazzle?Doyoumeanyourpussyisirritated,Snow?”
Hermouthgapedopen,anditwasfuckingadorable.Shewassexyandinnocentatthesametime,anditturnedmethefuckon.
“You’vegotadirtymouth,Bear.ButIlikeit.ShedidsaythatIshouldhavemyboyfriendblowonit.”Asmilespreadacrossherface,andapinkhuecoveredhercheeks.“Ofcourse,ItoldherIdidn’thaveaboyfriend.Andyes.That’sthesituation.So,Ididn’tflinchbecauseI’mhesitant.I’mjustalittleuncomfortableinmybikiniarea.”
“Youwantmetoblowonyourpussy,Snow?”Ichuckledathowawkwardshewaswhenitcametotalkingaboutthisshit.Hell,Iwasasexualman.Nothingaboutthisbotheredme—herbeingavirgin.Herbeingmybestfriend’slittlesister?
Thatbotheredme.
Abadwaxjob.Ididn’tgiveashit,butIdidn’tliketheideaofherbeinginpain.
Ipushedtomyfeet,holdingherinmyarms,andgentlysetherdownonthebedasIhoveredaboveher.
“Whatareyoudoing?”shewhispered,hereyeswideandwildwithneed.
“Letmeseewhat’sgoingon.”
Sheshookherheadandsqueezedhereyesclosed.“Ican’tbelievethisishappening.”
“Openyoureyes,andlookatme,”Idemanded,andIwaitedforherdarkbrowngazetolockwithmine.“Youdon’tneedtobeshywithme.Ithinkyou’rethemostbeautifulfuckingwomanI’veeverseen.Letmejustcheckitout,andmaybeIcanhelp.”
Sheslowlynodded.“Okay.”
Ireachedforthehemofherdressandpusheditup,andsheliftedherassafewinchesoffthebedsoIcouldpullthefabricallthewayupandrestitonherstomach.Sheworeapairofwhitelacepanties,andIsuckedinabreathatthesightofher.Lean,tanlegs.Whitelace.Andthewayshewaslyingthere,lookinglikeanangelassheletherguarddownsoIcouldseewhatwasgoingon,ithadmydickthrobbingagainstmyzipper.Myfingerstrailedupherthighs,andIpushedthemapartenoughthatIcouldstandbetweenthem.
“Righthere?Isthiswhereit’sbotheringyou?”Theareaontheoutsideofherpantieswasdefinitelyredandirritated.
Shenodded,herchestrisingandfallingrapidly.Iranmyfingersgentlyovereachsideasherlegsfellopenevenmore.Backandforth,Isoothedherheatedskinwiththetipsofmyfingers.ShemoanedalittlebitasIcontinuedsoothingherforseveralminutesbeforemovingtothebandofherlacepantiesandwaitingforhereyestomeetmine
Shedidn’tspeak.Shejustnoddedandbitdownonherjuicybottomlip.Islippedherpantiesdownherlegsanddroppedthemonthefloor.Itwasonlyredonthesides,andIlickedmylips.
“Sofuckingbeautiful,Snow.”IcontinuedmovingmyfingersupanddownalongtheirritatedskinasIdroppedtomykneesatthefootofthebed.Shepusheduponherelbowstolookatme.
“Whatareyoudoing?”
“I’mgoingtomakeyoufeelgood.Hasanyoneevertastedyoubefore?”Myhandscontinuedmovingalonghersensitiveskinasshelookeddownatme.
“Once.ButIdidn’tlikeit.”
“Yeah?Whatdidn’tyoulike?”
“Itjustfelttoopersonal,Iguess.Iwasn’tcomfortable,sowedidn’tdoitforverylong.”Hervoicewasjustaboveawhisper.
“Doesthisfeeltoopersonalnow?”
“No,”shesaid,withouthesitation
“Okay,Iwantyoutotellmeifyou’reuncomfortableorifyoudon’tlikeit,okay?ButIthinkyou’regoingtolikeit.Doyoutrustme?”
“Onehundredpercent.”
Thosewordsfueledme.Shetrustedme.Shewascomfortablewithme.AndIfeltthesameabouther.I’dalwaysbeenamanwholikedtopleasethewomanIwaswith,butthiswasdifferent.
Nextlevel.
Almostaferalneedtopleaseher.Tomakeherfeelgood.
Myhandsmoveddownherthighsandbeneathherknees,andIpulledherdowngentlytotheedgeofthebed.Ilookedupathertoseeherwatchingmeintently.
“Iwantyoutoliebackonthebedandjustrelax,okay?I’llbecarefulwiththeareathat’shurting,butIthinkthisisgoingtofeelgood.”Iwaitedforhertonodbeforeshefellback.“DoyouknowhowmanytimesI’vethoughtabouttastingyou?”
“Howmany?”sheasked,herwordsbreathyandlacedwithneed.
“Everyfuckingdaysincethedayyoucamehome.MultipletimesadayifI’mbeinghonest.”Ileanedforwardandblewjustalittlebetweenherlegs,andshenearlycameoffthebed.“Youlikethat.Maybetheladywasright,andthat’sjustwhatyouneeded.”
“Yes,”shewhispered.“More.”
IchuckledasIdiditagainseveraltimesbeforeIburiedmyheadbetweenherlegs.CarefulnottoletmyscruffirritatetheoutsideareaasIspreadherlegswider,myhandsmovedalongthesidesagaintosootheherasmytongueswipedoutalongherslit.
Sofuckingsweet.
Shewrithedbeneathme,andIcontinuedlickingandsuckingeveryinchofher.Shetangledherfingersinmyhairandtuggedmyheadharderagainsthercenter.IsmiledagainstherbecauseIlovedthatsheknewwhatshewanted.Whatsheneeded.Isuckedhardonherclit,andherbacknearlycameoffthebed.Imovedonefingertohercenter,strokinghertherewhileIcontinuedsucking,beforeslippingthetipofmyfingerinsideslowly,andshegroaned.Shewassofuckingwetandsofuckingtight,Ididn’tknowifitwouldevenfit.Shetensedatfirst,butthenshepressedmyheadbackdowntohercore,andIcontinued.InibbledandlickedandsuckedasIslippedmyfingerinallthewayandthenout,slowlyatfirstandthenquickerasshebegantorelax.Herhipsstartedmoving,settingthepace.Shewassoaked,andIknewshewaschasingherrelease.Iswearnothinghadeverbeenhotterinmylife.MyfreehandmovedaroundtheoutsideofherthighandgrippedherassasImovedfaster.
Ipulledoutmyfingerandslippedmytongueinside.Inandout.
“Bear,”shecried.“More.”
Imovedmythumbtoherclit;mytonguecontinuedtoslideinandoutofherasherentirebodybegantoshake,andshetuggedatmyhairasshecameapartbeneathme.
Herfranticbreathsfilledtheairaroundus.
Iheldherthereassherodeouteverylastbitofpleasure.
Onceherbodyrelaxedandherbreathingslowed,Ireleasedherlegsandpulledbacktolookather.Mytongueswipedouttolickmylips,whichwerecoveredinallhersweetness.
Hergazesearchedmine,hercheststillrisingandfalling,eyeswild.
“Wow,”shesaid,andIchuckled.
“You’resofuckingsexy.Howdidthatfeel?”Ipushedthehairbehindherearsandstrokedhercheek.
“Amazing.Ihopewecandoitagainverysoon,”shesaidasherteethsankintoherbottomlip.
“Baby,I’mjustgettingstarted.”Ipushedtomyfeetandstoodasshesatforwardandpulledherdressdown.Imovedtothephoneandcalledthefrontdesk.
“HowcanIhelpyou,Mr.Reynolds?”awomanaskedontheotherend.
“Hi.CanyousendupsomeBenadryl,Neosporin,andTylenolandjustchargeittomyroom?”
“Absolutely.Anythingelse?”
“That’lldoit.Thankyou.”Iendedthecallandreachedfortheroomservicemenubeforesittingbackdownbesideheronthebed.Ileanedmybackagainsttheheadboardandopenedmyarms,knowingshe’dclimbrightin,whichwasexactlywhatshedid.Shesettledhercheekagainstmychest.
“What’stheBenadryl,Neosporin,andTylenolfor?”
“Thatshitsalveshegaveyoudidn’thelp.Ithinkyouwerehavinganallergicreactiontotheointment.TheBenadrylandNeosporinwillhelp,andyou’llhavetheTylenolifitcontinuestocauseyoudiscomfort.”Ikissedthetopofherhead.“Whatareyouhungryfor?”
“You,”shesaidwithachuckle.
“Oh,youcanhaveasmuchofmeasyouwant.Butlet’sfeedyoufirstandpaceourselves.”
Iperusedthemenu,andsheglancedupatme.
“Whatareyougoingtoget?”sheasked.
“Afteryoursweetpussy,nothinglooksnearlyasappealing.”
Hereyeswidened,andhercheekspinked,andIbarkedoutalaugh.
Ifuckinglovedit.eighteenLila
We’dbothgottenburgers,andHughhadinsistedItakeabathbeforehewrappedmeinthehotelrobeandappliedtheNeosporintotheirritatedskin.Ididn’tknowthatanythinghadeverfeltmoreintimatethanthismansittingbesidemytubonceagain,eventhoughitwasalargeenoughbathtubforbothofus,andthendryingmeoffandapplyingointmenttomyirritatedbikiniarea.
ThatwasnotsomethingIeverexpectedamantodoforme.
Hughwasthisbig,ruggedguy,buthewassoattentiveandcaringatthesametime.
I’dofferedtoreturnthefavorandattemptedtodroptomyknees,buthe’dtuggedmebackupandpulledmeontothebed,wherewe’dbothfallenasleepfortwohours.
Apparently,orgasmsreallywipedmeoutbecauseIrarelynapped,butI’dhadnoproblemdozingoff.
We’dgottenupanddressedfortherehearsaldinner,whichwashereatthehotelrestaurant.Itwasgoingtobeasmallgroup,andjustfamily,andIwasthankfulthatIhadmyblackcocktaildressfromtheawardsbanquetI’dattendedafterwinningnationals.
“Damn,youlookgorgeous,”hepurredashetuggedmeclosetohim.
Heworeawhitebuttonup,whichwaswrinkled,perusual.Butheworeblackfitteddressslacksanddressshoes.Hishairwaswavyandthick.Afterwatchingthelittlehehadtodotomakeitlooksinfullysexy,Ienviedhim.I’dhadtoaddwavestomyhairafterthebathandthenap,asmyhairobviouslytookabitmoreeffort.
“Youlookbeautiful,”Isaid,pushinguponmytoestokisshim.
Wehadn’tkissedenough.Iwantedtospendhourskissingthisman.
HemusthavefeltthesamewaybecausethenextthingIknew,hishandswerebeneathmybutt,andheliftedmeup,causingmydresstobunchatmywaist,andmylegswrappedaroundhim.Heturnedsomybackwasagainstthewall,andhistonguetangledwithmine.Myfingerswereinhishair,andI’dneverwantedsomeonesobadlyinmylife.
Westoodtherekissingforwhatfeltlikeforever,whenhisphonebuzzedinhisbackpocket.Hegroanedandpulledback.
“Whatareyoudoingtome,Snow?”
“Icouldaskyouthesamething.”
“Yeah?DoyouknowhowmuchIwantyou?”heasked,hisvoicegruffandhislipsjustabreathaway.
“Youdidstopmefromreturningthefavor.”Ilookedupathimandstudiedhisgaze.Thatlittlevoiceinthebackofmyheadhadwonderedwhyhedidn’tletmeunziphispantsandpleasurehimthewayhe’dpleasuredme.
Hissage-greeneyessearchedmine.“Andyouthinkthat’sbecauseIdon’twantyou?”
Ishrugged.“Idon’tknow,butthethoughtdidcrossmymind.”
Hegrippedmyhipsandloweredmeoverhisengorgederection.Myeyeswidenedasheslidmedownandthenslowlyliftedmebackup.“It’sdefinitelynotthat.”
“Whatisit,then?”
“I’mnotreadytotakeanythingfromyou.Rightnow,Ifuckinglovepleasingyou.Butit’snotbecauseIdon’twantyou.I’veneverwantedanyonemore.”
Iletoutalong,strainedbreathandplacedahandoneachofhischeeks.“Pleasingyouwouldbegivingmesomething.”
Hesmiledthisbig,widegrin.“You’retoofuckingsweetforyourowngood,Snow.Comeon.Everyone’sdownstairswaitingforus.Youcantellmeallthewaysyouwanttopleasemeafterdinner.”
Heslidmedownhisbodyuntilmyfeethitthefloor.Themanwassotall.Hishandswerelarge.Hisshouldersbroad.Yet,wesomehowfittogether,nomatterwhatpositionwewerein.Standing.Hugging.Sitting.Megrindingagainsthim.Ididn’tknowhowitworkedsowell,butitdid.“Soundslikeadeal.”
Headjustedhimselfandgroanedbeforepullingthedooropen,andIcouldn’thelpbutlaugh.
Westoodnexttooneanotherontheelevator,thebacksofourhandstouching,ashisfingerloopedaroundmineuntilthedoorsopened.Thenwebothsteppedoffandmadeourwaytotherestaurant.
Hishandsslippedintohispockets,andwewerejusttwofriendsattendingaweddingtogetheragain.
“Hugh!Lila!”Georgiacamerunningtowarduswithamopey-lookingguybehindher.Hehadsurfervibes,buthelookeduncomfortableashestoodthere.
Hughwrappedhisarmsaroundhissisterbeforesheturnedtomeandgavemeabighug.“Damn,Lila.Thisdressisgorgeous.”
“Thankyou.Iloveyours,”Isaid,takinginherblackslipdress.
“Thanks.ThisisDikota,”shesaidassheintroducedus.
“Nicetomeetyou.”Ismiled,andHughgruntedsomething,butthewayhestoodhoveringoverthesmallermanhadmebitingbackalaugh.Hecouldbesobigandgrowlywhenhewantedtobe.
GraciecamerunningupandheldherarmsupforHugh,andhescoopedherrightup.CagegavemeahugandglancedoveratHughandthenatDikota,andthetwobrothersappearedtobecommunicatingwithoutusingwords.
“Theretheyare.Lila,IwanttointroduceyoutoKaeran.”BrinkleypausedtohugHugh,andthenheextendedhisarmtoherboyfriend,whonoddedandshookhishand.
“How’stherestaurantbusiness,Hugh?”Kaeranasked.
“It’sgoingreallywell.Ifoundmeasecretweapon,”hesaid,winkingatme,andIswearmybellydidlittleflipsandIfeltmyfaceheat.“Lilahasthingsrunningsmoothenoughtoletmesneakawayforaweekend.”
Georgiastudiedherbrotherbeforeturningtomewithabigsmileonherface.“Comeon,let’sgetadrink.”
ThenexthourwasspentgreetingfamilyandseeingallDylan’ssisters,whoIhadn’tseeninyears.Theywereallpregnant,asidefromDylan,andeveryonewasjokingthattheremustbesomethingintheHoneyMountainwater.Imettheirhusbands,andeveryonewashavingagoodtime.
Wolf’sfamilywasmakingtheirrounds,aswell.
WewerewaitingforDylanandWolf,whohadn’tshownupjustyet.
“Ofcourse,thosetwoarelatetotheirownrehearsaldinner,”EverlysaidwithalaughasshetypedoutatextonherphoneandletusknowshewastextingDylannow.
“Hey,they’retheonlyonesallowedtobelate,”Viviansaid.
“They’rehere,”CharlotteandAshlansaidatthesametime.TheThomassisterswereascloseastheReynoldssiblings.
Itwasrefreshing.
“Andwhodowehavehere?”averyattractivemansaid,reachingformyhandaswestoodintheprivateroomandwerejustgettingreadytoheadtothetable.
“Oh,hi.I’mLila.”
“I’mSebastian,thebig,badWolf’sbrother.”Hechuckledandraisedthebackofmyhandtohislips,slowly,andkissedit.
Hughwaswatchingfromafewfeetawayaswe’dintentionallykeptourdistance.Wewerejustfriends,afterall,atleastforappearances.Hisgreengazelockedwithmine,andIdidn’tmisstheheatthere.Northeanger.
Orwasitjealousy?
“It’snicetomeetyou,”Isaid,pullingmyhandawayaspolitelyaspossible.
“Oh,forGod’ssake,it’smyrehearsaldinner.Keepyourpawsofftheguests.Sorryaboutthat,Lila,”Wolfsaid,beforegivingmeabriskhug.Dylanswoopedrightinanddidthesame.
“I’msogladyou’rehere.Iseeyou’vemetmybrother-in-law-to-be.Charming,isn’the?He’sallbiteandnobark,sobecarefulwiththatone,”shewhisperedclosetomyearandthenglancedovertoseehercousinbroodingashewatchedus.“Ohhhh,someonedoesnotlookhappy.Suchaprotectivefriend,huh?”Shechuckledandthenwinkedatme.
Hughappearedatmysideafterhugginghiscousinandhersoon-to-behusband,thenglaringatSebastian.
“Hugh,myman.Ididn’trealizeyoutwoweretogether.”Sebastianextendedahand,andHughtookitwithascowlonhisfaceandgavehimanequallygrumpygreeting.
Hedidn’trespondtothecomment;hejustplacedhishandonthesmallofmybackandledmetowardthetablewhereGeorgiawaswavingusovertositbesideher.
IhuggedHugh’sparentsandtheirgrandparents,whoIhadn’tseeninalongtime.Thereweremaybefortypeopleattendingthedinner,anditmanagedtofeelveryintimateastheywereallfamily.
I’dneverhadafamilyunitlikethis,andIdefinitelyadmiredit.
OrliketheSundaydinnersI’dbeenattendingattheReynolds’.
ItwassomethingIthinkI’dalwayscraved.
Ahandfoundminebeneaththetable,andIglanceduptoseeHughwatchingmebeforeheleanedclosetomyear.“Youokay?”
Inodded.“Yes.Ofcourse.”
Ireachedformywineglasstotakeasip,andheleanedcloseagain.“How’syourvajazzlefeeling?”
Ichuckledandsqueezedhishand.“Verygood.Thanksforasking.”
“It’ssomething,Snow.Oneofakind.”
Ishookmyheadandtriedhardnottolaugh.FinnwassittingontheothersideofHughandaskedhimsomethingthatheandCagewereclearlyarguingabout.
Georgiatappedmyarm,andIturnedtolookather.SheleanedcloseenoughsoonlyIcouldhearher.“So,whatdoyouthinkofDikota?”
“Heseemsreallynice,”Isaid,asIglancedaroundhertoseehimawkwardlytalkingtoCharlotte’shusband,Ledger.Dikotadidnotseemcomfortablebeinghereatall,nordidheseemtobemakinganyefforttohidehisdiscomfort.
“He’snotasoutgoingasIam.He’ssortofthisbroodyguy.But,girl,he’sgotthispossessivestreakthatI’veneverexperienced.Someguysaidhellotomeatarestauranttheotherday,andhepunchedhimintheface.IwassostartledbecauseIdidn’tthinkheevenlikedmethatmuch.Butwowsers,right?”
Itriednottoreactbecauseredflagsweregoingoffinmyhead.Beingjealousisonething,butgettingphysicalatarestaurantbecausesomeonesaidhello?Thatdidn’tseemright.
“That’sanintensereaction.Howlonghaveyouguysbeentogether?”Itriedtomovetheconversationtoasafesubject.
“Threemonths.He’satotalwildcard.IneverknowwhatI’mgoingtoget.Butit’skindoffun,youknow?”
“Yeah.I’msureitis.Andhegoestoschoolwithyou?”
“Nope.He’sinabanddowntown.Imethimthroughamutualfriend.He’snotintoschoolbecausehefeelslikeitsortofputspeopleinabox.And,ofcourse,Igetit,because,hello,I’mgraduatingwithadegreeinart.Youcan’tputartistsinabox,youknow?”
“Igetthat.So,whatdoyouwanttodowhenyougraduate?”
“Well,thankstomydadandCage,whobothenjoylifeinsidethebox,”shesaidwithachuckle.“Iminoredinbusiness.That’swhyit’stakingmetheextrasemestertograduate.TheyweresoterrifiedIwouldn’tbeabletofindajobasanartist.ButIdon’tknowwhatIwanttodoyet.I’mopen.Howaboutyou?AreyouexcitedtogobacktoChicagoandstartyourcareerthere?”
Ithoughtaboutit.
Thethoughtofleavingdidnotexciteme.
MaybethatwasbecauseI’dcomehometohelpmyfather,andeventhoughthingswerehappening,westillhadalongroadaheadofus.
“Youknow,I’mhappytobehomerightnow.ThatjobinChicagoisgoingtobealot.Sortoflikeschoolwas.Longhours.Notmuchofalifeoutsideofwork.Thecityissobusy,youknow?It’sbeennicebeinghomeandbeingbackinnatureandnotbeingrushedeverysecondoftheday.AndIloveworkingattherestaurant.It’sbeenagreatcoupleofweekssofar.”
“Well,Hughseemslikeadifferentpersonsinceyoustartedworkingthere,sothankyou.He’dbeenstretchedtoothin.You’rehelpingmorethanyouknow.Andhedoesn’tseemtobeoutman-whoringanymore,”shesaidwithalaugh.“Ithinkhelikeshavingyouatthehouse.”
Mychestsqueezedatherwords.BecauseIlikedbeingthere,too,atthehouseandtherestaurant.
Butmymindkeptwanderingbacktowhathadhappenedinourhotelroomafewhoursago.
WhatIwashopingwouldhappenlatertonight.
Butterfliesswarmedmybelly,andIglancedovertoseeHughlaughingwithhisbrothers.
“Thankyou.It’sbeenreallynicebeinghome.”
Thedinnerwasfilledwithlaughterandseveraltoaststothehappycouple,andIhadagreattime.
EachofDylan’ssistersgotupandsaidtheirfavoriteRockyBalboaquotebutgearedittowardherweddingday.
“Istoppedthinkingthewayotherpeoplethinkalongtimeago.Yougottathinklikeyouthink…onyourweddingday,”Charlottesaid.
Oneaftertheotherhadstoodandreadonetoheroveraroomfulloflaughter,asapparently,theywerebigfansofthemovies.
IhappenedtobeahugeRockyfan,too,soIthoroughlyenjoyedmyself.
“Okay,Ineedtogetmybeautysleep,andallofmysistersarecarryingtinyhumansintheirbellies,sowe’regoingtocallitanight,”Dylansaidasshepushedtostand.
Wolfpoutedthattheyweren’tspendingthenighttogether,causingmorelaughter.
Wemadeourrounds,huggingeveryonegoodbye,andweallpiledintotheelevatoruptoourfloor,agreeingtomeetthefollowingdaytoheadtothewedding.
Oncewegotinsidetheroom,Iwasn’tsurewhatwouldhappen.Ididn’tknowwhathe’dmeantwhenhe’dsaidthathedidn’twanttotakeanythingfromme.
Heunbuttonedthetoptwobuttonsonhisdressshirtandleanedagainstthebarareaandwatchedme.“Doyouwantadrink?”
Ishookmyhead.“No,thankyou.Idon’twantadrink.”
Thecornersofhislipstwitched,andhegavemeahalfnod.“Whatdoyouwant,Snow?”
“I’vemadeitclear.Iwantyou.”
“Yousureaboutthat?”
“Very.”
Heraisedabrow.“Wecan’tgobackoncewecrosstheline.”
“I’mnotsomeonewhodoesthingsspontaneously.I’mnotlookingtogoback.I’mlookingtogoforward.”
“Andyou’resureyouwanttodothatwithme?EvenifIcan’tgiveyouwhatyoudeserve?”
“WhatisitthatIdeserve,Bear?”Iasked,closingthedistancebetweenus.
“Everything.Every.Fucking.Thing.”Hishandfoundmycheek,andhestudiedme.“Youdon’twantyourfirsttimetobewithsomeguywholivesinChicago?Aguyyoucandateandendupwith?Imean,you’vewaitedallthistime.Theremustbeareason.”
Ireachedupforthebuttononhisshirtandslowlyundidit.“IneverknewwhatIwaswaitingforuntilthatnightoutatthecove.Andthat’swhenithitme.”
“Whathityou?”
“IthinkI’vebeenwaitingforyou,”Isaid,movingmyfingersdowntothenextbutton.“Iwasn’tthinkingaboutthefutureforthefirsttimeinmylife.Iwaslivinginthemoment,justlikeI’mdoingrightnow.IwenttoschoolinChicagoforfouryears.Idated.Ihadplentyofopportunities,butnoneofthemeverfeltright.”
“Andthisfeelsright?Evenwithitbeingcompletelyfucked-upinamillionways?”
“Iknowwhatthisis.We’regoodfriends.We’reattractedtooneanother.Ifeelsafewithyou.Iknowit’snotforever.AndI’mokaywiththat.We’lldothisforaslongaswefeellikedoingit,andthenwhenIleave,we’llgobacktobeingjustfriends.Nooneeverhastoknow.Thisisjustforus.”
HenoddedasIunbuttonedthefinalbuttononhisshirtandranmyhandsuphismuscledabdomenandwherehislastnameiswritteninscriptacrosshischest.
Reynolds.
“YouknowhowmuchIcareaboutyou,don’tyou?”heasked,ashisthumbstrokedmybottomlip.
“I’veneverquestionedthat.So,willyoustopfightingme?Stopfightingthis?”
Hisgreengazelockedwithmine,andhenoddedslowly.“Yes.”
Myfingersmoveddowntothewaistbandofhisdresspants,andIloweredthezipperashiseyesstayedlockedwithmine.Histonguesnakedouttowethislips,andI’dneverwantedanyoneasbadlyasIwantedhim.Islowlydroppedtomykneesandlookedupathimonelasttimebeforetugginghispantsdownfirstandthenhisbriefs.
Hisenormouscocksprungfree,andInearlygaspedatthesightofit.Achuckleescapedhislips,andheliftedhislegsabitoffthefloorandfreedhimselfofhisclothing.
Ihadn’tseenalotofpenises,butI’dseenafew.
Andthisonedidnotlookliketherest.
Thislookedlikethealphapenis.Itwaslargeandthickandmagnificent.
“Youeverdonethisbefore?”Hisvoicewasgruffandsexy,andIsqueezedmythighstogether.
Inodded.“Yes.Once.”
AndI’dhatedit.ButIwantedtodothiswithhiminawayI’dneverimaginedIwould.
Iwantedtomakehimfeelgoodthewayhe’dmademefeelgood.
Myhandfoundhisshaft,andIgrippeditashisheadfellbackandhegroaned.“Fuck,Lila.I’vethoughtaboutthissomanytimes.Aboutfuckingthatsweetmouthofyours.”
Moisturepooledbetweenmylegs,andIlickedthetipofhiserection,swirlingmytonguearounditslowly.Hisfingerstangledinmyhair,andIwrappedmylipsaroundhim,takinghiminalittlebitatfirst.Itookmytime,andhedidn’trushme.
Hisfingersgentlystrokedmyhair,andhemoanedasItookhimindeeper.
ItturnedmeonthatIwasaffectingthisbig,strong,sexymanthisway.
IknewHughwasexperienced—andIobviouslywasn’t.Butitdidn’tseemtobotherhimatall.
Iwentdeeper,andhestartedtomovefaster.
Ilovedit.
Thesoundshewasmakingwereferal.Hisgriponmyhairtightened,andIcontinuedmovinghiminandout,swirlingmytongueandenjoyingthefeelofhimagainstmylips.
Ineverknewitcouldbelikethis.
Itiltedmyheadbackjustenoughtolookupathimandseehishoodedeyesonme.
“Slipyourhandbeneathyourdressandtellmeifyou’rewet,”hecommanded.
Ididashesaid,andhecontinuedtorockinandoutofmymouth.IgroanedwhenIfoundmyselfsoaked,andhisfingerscontinuedgrindingagainstmyscalpinthemosteroticwayashehelpedsetthepace.“Keeptouchingyourself.Iwantyoutocomewithme.”
Ihadn’tevenknownthatwasathing.
Hadn’tevenknownthatIcouldevertouchmyselfinfrontofaman.
ButIwantedtodoit.
Wantedtochasemypleasurerightalongsidehim.
Myentirebodybuzzedwithneed.Hisbreathinggrewerratic,andlittlepantsescapedmylips,whichwerewrappedaroundhim.
“Sofuckingsexy,Snow.Seeingyouonyourkneeswithmycockinyourmouth.”
IwhimperedbecauseIwasreadytodetonate.
Itookhimdeeper.
Faster.
Hisgroansfilledthespacearoundus.
Deepandhuskyandsexy.
Heattemptedtopullmyheadaway,butIrefusedtomove.Iwantedtostayrighthere.
“Comeforme,rightnow,”hedemanded,hisvoicedeepandlacedwithdesire.
Warm,thickliquidfilledmymouth,andIsqueezedmyeyesclosedasmyentirebodystartedtoshake.
Hughgrowledmyname,andIwentrightovertheedgewithhim.
Quakingandgaspingassensationfloodedeveryinchofmybody.
Itwasthemosteroticmomentofmylife.
AndIonlywantedmore.nineteenHugh
Holy.Fucking.Shit.
I’dneverexperiencedanythinglikethisbefore.
Thisneed.Thisdesire.Thiswant.
LilafuckingJameswasinexperienced,yetshemanagedtogivemethebestblowjobofmylife,allwhilegettingherselfoffatthesametime.
I’dneverseenanythingoranyonesexier.
Ilookeddownatherasshepulledawayandwipedhermouthwiththebackofherhand.Shelookedupatmewithbig,dark,trustingeyes.“Wow.Isitalwayslikethat?OristhisjustaHughReynoldsthing?”
Ireacheddownandpulledhertoherfeet,brushingthehairawayfromherbeautifulfacewithmyhands.“It’sneverlikethat.It’sdefinitelyaLilaJamesthing.”
Icouldn’tbelieveallthathadhappenedtoday,andI’dyettoreallytouchher.Orkissher.Sure,we’dpleasuredoneanother.ButIwantedtokisseveryinchofhersweetbody.We’dcrossedaline,andtherewasnogoingbacknow.AndevenwiththeguiltthatIfeltaboutbetrayingmybestfriend,Ionlywantedmore.
Ionlywantedher.
Iwasagreedybastard.EspeciallywhenitcametoLila.
“Ihopethesexisjustasgoodaseverythingelsehasbeen,”shewhispered,andIbarkedoutalaughbeforereachingformybriefsandpullingthemonbeforemydickstartedthinkingaboutgoingforroundtwo.
“We’renothavingsextonight,Snow.”Ipulledherbackintomyarmsandkissedthetopofherhead.
“Whynot?”
“Becausetodayhasbeenalot,andthisisallprettynewtoyou,sowe’renotfuckingrushingit.You’vecometwice,andIhaven’tevenbeeninsideyouyet.NorhaveIkissedyounearlyenoughorexploredyourgorgeousbody.There’snorush.We’vegottwomonths,right?”Iaskedhercasually,butforwhateverreason,thosewordsstung.Hell,normallytwomonthswithsomeonewouldbeareallylongtime.
ButwithLila,itfeltlikeitwouldneverbeenough.
We’ddecidedtodothis,soIwasn’tgoingtorunanymore.
ButIalsowasn’tgoingtorushanything.
“Ithoughtyouwereaplayer,”shesaid,hervoiceteasing.
Ipulledbacktolookather.“Areyoushamingmefortryingtobeagoodguy?”
“Maybe.Butyoucan’tcallalltheshots,orthiswon’twork.We’vegottwomonths,soyouneedtoplayfair.Ifeellikeyouholdallthepower.”Shemovedtositonthebedandcrossedherarmsoverherchest.
“Oh,yeah?HowdoIholdallthepower?”Imovedcloser,pushingtostandbetweenherknees.
“BecauseyouhavewhatIwant,”shepurred.
Mydickshotupinresponse.
Sheknewwhatshewasdoing.
Iplacedmyhandbeneathherchinandliftedsohergazewouldmeetmine.
“Trustme.YouhavewhatIwant.Butwedon’tneedtorush.I’llneverdenyyou,Lila.ButIwon’tdoanythingthatIthinkwillhurtyou.”
“Youthinkyou’regoingtohurtme,Bear?”Sheraisedabrow.
“IthinkthewayIwantyourightnow—Imightlosecontrol,notbeaspatientasIneedtobe.Andbeingyourfirsttime—it’sprobablygoingtohurtalittle,andyou’realreadyhurtingfromthatbullshitwaxjob,soweneedtoslowthingsdown.”
“Remember,Iwasacollegeathlete.Ihaveaprettyhighsufferingrate.”Shewaggledherbrows.
“Tellmesomethingelseyouwant,andI’lldoit.AndthenI’mtakingyoutobedandI’mgoingtokisseveryinchofyourbodyuntilyoucryoutmynameoverandover.”
Shesuckedinabreath,andherteethsunkintoherjuicybottomlip.“AnythingIwantoutsideofsex?”
“Yep.”
Shesmiled.“There’sahugetubinthere.Takeabathwithme.Nosittingonthesidelines.Iwantyounakedinthewateragain,justlikeatthecove.”Shechuckled.
Imovedfast,startlingherasItossedherovermyshoulderandslappedherass.Ijoggedtothebathroomasshelaughedhysterically.“Icandothat.Imean,soakinginwarm,dirtywaterisobviouslysexytoyou.So,I’llgiveitatry.”
Isetheronthebathroomcounterandmovedtotheoversizedbathtubandturnediton.Lilareachedovertohermakeupbagsittingbesidethesinkandpulledoutahairtiebeforegatheringallherhairontopofherheadandfasteningitinplace.
Shechuckled.“Thewaterisnotdirty.Andyouinthetubisalwayssexy.”
“Iwanttoseeyounaked.”Ileanedagainstthewallbesidetheshowerandcrossedmyarmsovermychest.
Waiting.
“You’veseenmenaked.”Hertonguecameouttoglidealongherlips.
“Thefirsttimeitwasdark.ThesecondtimeIfeltlikesomecreepercheckingyououtafterallyou’dbeenthroughthatnight.So,nowIwanttotakemytimelookingatyou.”
Herbreathscamefaster,andaslightpinkhuespreadacrosshercheeks,beneaththelittlespackleoffreckles.Shehoppedoffthecounterandwalkedovertome,turningaroundandgivingmeherback.
“Canyouunzipmeplease?”
MyfingersgrazeddownhersilkyskinasImovedthezipperdowntoherwaist.Shesteppedawayfrommeandturnedaround,hergazelockingwithmineasherhandsfellfromherchest,andsheletthedressdropintoapuddleatherfeet.
“Fuck,”Ihissed,asItookherin
Goldenskin.Leanandsexyandslightcurvesinalltherightplaces.Mymouthwatered,myeyeslandingonherperfecttits,coveredinblacklace.Shereachedbehindherandunsnappedherbraandthenslowlyletitslidedownhershouldersbeforeshetosseditonthefloorbesideherdress.
Inowknewthedefinitionforperfecttits.
Theseshouldbesculptedingold.
Aperfecthandful.Aperfectmouthful.Gorgeouspinknipplesthatwerepebbledanddyingtobetasted.
Shewatchedmeandthenlookeddown.“Theyaren’tallthatdazzling.They’reprettysmall,right?”
“They’rethebesttitsI’veeverseen,Snow.Don’tsellyourselfshort.”
Shechuckledandreachedforthebandofherpantiesandslidthemdownherlegsandthentwirledforme,asifshewereenjoyingthewayIwaswatchingher.
“You’rebeautiful,”Isaid,myvoicegruff.
“Youknowyoudon’thavetosaythat.I’mkindofasurething.”Shechuckled.
DidshereallythinkIwasjustblowingsmokeupherass?
“Andyou’renottoobadyourself.Sohowaboutyoustripdownandletmeperusethatbodyofyours.”
“Nofuckingproblem.”Ishovedmyshirtoffmyshoulders,asthebuttonswerealreadyundone.Andmybriefsfollowed.Westoodtheregawkingatoneanotherliketwoteenagekidswho’dneverseentheoppositesexnaked.
I’dseenlotsofwomenbarethemselvesformeovertheyears.
Butnothinghadcomparedtothis.
BecausenoneofthemhadbeenLila.
Imovedtowardthetubasthewaterwasdangerouslyclosetothetop,andIturnedoffthefaucet.“IsupposeIneedtogetinfirst,seeingasI’mthebigone.”
“Yep.”Shesmiledandmovedcloser.Isteppedinandyelpedatthewatertemperature.
“You’renotgettingoutofthis,Bear,”sheteased.OnceIwassettledintheunusuallyhotwater,sheclimbedinwitheaseandsettledbetweenmylegs.Herheadleanedbackandfitperfectlyinthenookofmyneck.
Myhandmovedupanddownherarmbeforetrailingovertoherbreasts.ItracedmyfingersovereachonelikeI’dbeendyingtodo.Twohardpeaksrespondedtomytouch,andshesighed.
“Thanksforbringingmewithyouthisweekend.”Hereyesclosed,andIlovedthefeelofherbodyagainstmine.
“Thanksforcomingwithme.”
“Doyouthinkyou’llevergetmarried?”sheasked.“Haveafamily?”
“Idon’tknow.I’mnotagainstit,butI’veneverfelttheneedtogetseriouswithanyone.”
NeverfeltanythingclosetowhatIfeelforyou.
“Ithinkyou’dmakesomeoneagreathusband,andyou’dbeareallygooddad,Bear.”Hervoicewassoftandsleepyandsweet.
Normally,thisconversationwouldhavemerunningforthedoor.ButitwasdifferentwithLila.Weweresittinginatubnaked,yethavingaconversationlikethiswithherwascompletelynatural.
“Howaboutyou?”Iasked.Iwantedtoknowwhatshewantedoutoflife.She’dalwaysbeensofocusedonschoolandrunning,andIhadnoideawhatLila’sdreamswere.
“Ihonestlyneverthoughtaboutitmuchuntilnow—beinghomeagain.I’vebeensodeterminedtheselastfewyearstoachievecertainthings.”Myhandssettledonherstomach,andherfingersrestedontopofthem.“IthinkI’vespentsomuchtimetryingtoprovetoeveryone,butprobablymostlytomyself,thatIcouldbesuccessfulinspiteofmycircumstances.That’soneofthehardpartsaboutlivinginasmalltown.Everyoneknowsyourstory,andwhenit’sasadone,thereareawholelotofjudgmentsaboutyououtthere.It’seasytobelievethey’reright,youknow?”
“You’vegotnothingtoprove,”Isaid,wrappingmyarmsalittletighteraroundher.
“Iknowthatnow.AndIseeyourfamily,andyourcousin’sfamily,andIactuallyloveit.Idon’tthinkIeverusedtobelievethatwassomethingthatIcouldhavebecauseIdidn’thaveitgrowingup.Aftermymomwaskilledinthataccident,ourfamilywasneverthesame.ButIwouldlovetohaveapartnertogrowoldwithandabunchoflittlekidstoraiseandloveon.”Shechuckled.
Sohonestandgenuine.
“Ithinkyoucanhaveanythingyouwant,Snow.”
“Yeah.Iknowmybrotherwantsmetohavethisbigcareerandthisgrandlife,likeitwillsomehowmakeupforthethingswewentthrough.Thethingswelackedinaway,”shesaid,lettingoutasigh.“Sometimes,youjustgothroughthings.Youlosepeopleyoulove,andyouexperiencehardtimes,butit’swhatyoudowiththatthatcounts.Youcaneitherstaydown,oryoucangetupandfight.SortofliketheRockyquotesyourcousinswerereferencingtonight.AndIfeellikeTravisisstuckinthisreallyangryplace,andit’stimetogetupandfight.He’sgoingtohaveachildandbeafather.Andheneedstoletitgoandstartlivinghislife.”
“Ithinkwhenyouwereinthehospitalforthosefewweekswhenyouweresick,andthenyouandhegotsplitupbysocialservicesforawhile…”Isaid,clearingmythroatbecauseitwasstillhardtotalkabout.“Itdidsomethingtohim.Hedecidedyouwerehistoprotectfromthatdayon.Heshutdownwithyourfather,andhecouldn’tforgivehimbecausehelovesyousodamnmuch.That’swhatmakesthissohard.BecauseIfuckingknowthat,Lila.”
“AndIlovehim,too.ButIdon’ttellhimwhohecantalktoorgooutwith.Idon’ttellhimwhereheneedstoliveorwhattodowithhislife.He’snotmyfather.AndI’veallowedhimtoplaythatrolebecauseit’salwaysbeenmeandhimagainsttheworld,inaway.Butwe’renotfightinganyoneanymore.We’rebothokay.”Sheglancedoverhershoulderandsmiled,andherdarkeyeswelledwithemotion.“Myfatherneglectedusbecausehewasdrowningingriefandusinghisaddictiontonumbhimself.Andthat’swhataddictiondoes.Itrobsyouofyourlogic.He’sbeenaddictedtopainkillersandalcoholforsolongthathedoesn’tknowhowtoexistwithoutthemanymore.AndTravisneverletshimforgetlongenoughtotrytogetclean.Ifsomeonetoldyouoverandoverthatyoudidn’tdeservetobreathethesameairasthem,wouldn’tyouwanttonumbyourself?Myfatherneedstodealwithallthat’shappenedinthepastandmoveforward,andmybrotherneedstolethimdothat.”
Inodded.“Howdoyoualwaysseethegoodinpeople?”
“Idon’tthinkyouhavetolookthathardifyouwanttoseeit.Iseethegoodinyou,HughReynolds.Ialwayshave.”
Myfuckingchesttightenedatherwords.
“Thankyou.Giveyourbrothertime,okay?I’llhelpyougetyourdadsettled,andTraviscanfocusonthebabyandShay,andmaybeifheseesthatTateistakingthisseriously,he’llgetonboardatsomepoint.”
Mybestfriendwasastubbornman.Agoodman,butastubbornone.
Lilawasright.TheworldwasveryblackandwhiteforTravis.
Thefewweeksthey’dbeenseparatedwhentheywereyounghadbeenbrutalforhim.Myparentshadgonetobatforbothofthem,andtriedtogettemporarycustody,butthesystemisflawedinalotofways,andtheredtapeandpaperworkkeptthemapartforseveralweeks.MyfatherhadhelpedTatebyhiringhimatBurgersandBrewssothathecouldprovehewasholdingdownajobandgettinghislifeinorder.He’dagreedtobedrugtesteddailyuntilsocialservicesreturnedbothTravisandLilatotheirhome.ButTravishadneverbeenthesame.Foratwelve-year-oldkid,ithadbeentraumatic,tosaytheleast.HeneverforgaveTate,whocontinuedhisviciousbattlewithaddiction.Travishadalwaysbeenonestepahead,notlettingLilagetinthecarwiththeirfathermostofthetime.Makingsuresheatewellandwascaredfor.Mybestfriendhadbecomeaparenttohissisterataveryyoungage.
“Iwill.Ilovehimsomuch.Youknowthat.I’mjustdonedoingwhateverhesays,justbecausehethinkshe’sright.I’mactuallyquitecapableoftakingcareofmyself.”
InoddedbecauseLilaJameshadgrownintoastrongwoman.
Acapablewoman.
AndthemostbeautifulfuckingwomanI’deverlaideyeson.
“Youare.”Iranmythumbdownhercheek.
“Okay,thewater’sgettingcold.Shouldwegetout?”sheasked.
“Yep.”Iwasn’tinanyhurrytogethernakedbodyoffofmine.
SheclimbedoutandwrappedatowelaroundherandheldoneouttomeasIsteppedoutofthewateranddrainedthebathtub.
Shemovedtohersuitcaseanddugthroughit,pullingoutherpajamas.
Iraisedabrow.“Youaren’tgoingtoneedthose.ItoldyouIplannedtokisseveryinchofyouuntilyoufallasleep.”
AndIwasamanofmyword.twentyLila
Hughhadkepthispromise,andI’dfinallygivenintosleeplateintothenightafterhe’dliterallyworshippedeveryinchofmybody—andyes,I’dcriedhisnameoutmoretimesthanIthoughtpossible.Irememberafriendtellingmeorgasmswererare.
ButnotwhenyouwerewithHughReynolds.
Theywereascommonasclearingyourthroatorblinking.
Justwhenyouthoughtyouweredone,hewasservingyouupabigplateofpleasure.
Mybodywasonahigh,andithadn’tcomedown.
And—Iwasstillafreakingvirgin.
IwasgivingtheVirginMaryarunforhermoneyonthisone.
I’dbeennakedinfrontofthismansomanytimes,hadendlessorgasms,yetmyV-cardwasstillfirmlyintact.
“HowthefuckamIsupposedtokeepmyhandstomyselfwithyouwearingthatdress?”Hughsaid,asIreachedformypurse.Weweregettingreadytoheadtothewedding.
“Youlikeit,huh?”Itwirledsohecouldseethatitwasbackless.Myhairwasinachignonatthenapeofmyneck.Hughwaswearingafittedblacktuxedo,andtosaythemantookmybreathaway,wouldbeamassiveunderstatement.Tallandleanandgorgeous.Histhickhairstoppedathisshoulders,andhepusheditbehindhisears,showingoffthosesage-greeneyes.
“Ido.”Hetrailedhisfingersdownmybackandthenmovedbeneaththewaistband,whichhadsomestretchtothefabric,andhepalmedmybuttcheek.“AndthatfuckingSebastianbetterkeephiseyesoffofyou.”
“Youbettertonedownthatjealousy.Thisistemporary,remember?”Iteased,pattinghimonthecheek.
“Iwasprotectiveofyoubefore—”Hepausedtothinkabouthisnextwords.“Sonoonewillbethewiser.”
Ilikedthathewasjealous.BecauseIfeltthesameabouthim.Icouldn’tstandthethoughtofHughwithanotherwoman.Iknewitwasjustbecausewewereplayinghouseandhavingfun.OnceIwentbacktomyreallife,he’dreturntohis,andallofthiswouldbeafaintmemory.Butthatdidn’tmeanIdidn’twanttoscratchouttheeyesofanywomanwholookedathimrightnow.
Cage,Gracie,Finn,andhisdate,Sonia,metusbytheelevators.HughhadfilledmeinthatFinnhadonlygoneoutacoupleoftimeswithSonia,anditwasn’tanythingserious.
“Goodtiming,”Cagesaid,andGraciechargedherUncleHugh,andhescoopedherrightup.Shewaswearinganadorablewhiteflowergirldress,asshewasgoingtobepartoftheweddingpartytoday.“How’dyouguyssleep?”Cageaskedwithabrowraised,asifhewerequestioningthearrangements.
“ThebestI’vesleptinyears,”Hughsaid,blowingastrawberryonhisniece’sneck,andherheadfellbackinlaughter,andIfeltmycheeksheatathiswords.
“Interestingforamanwhoneversleepsallthatwell.Howaboutyou?”Finndirectedthequestionatmeaswesteppedontotheelevator.
Iclearedmythroat,wonderingiftheycouldallseethroughme.IftheyknewthatIcouldhavewonanOlympicgoldmedalforthemostorgasmscollectedinonenight.“Isleptwell,thankyou.Howaboutyou?”
“Notsowellforme,”Finngroaned.“Sonia’swavemachinehadmeonedge.Thereisnothingrelaxingaboutthenoisescomingoutofthatthing.Iwaspreparingforasharkattackallnight.Oritmighthavebeenthestrongincensesheburnedinourroom,whichhadmystomachrumbling,thinkingitwastimeforbreakfasteveryhour.”
Soniarolledhereyes.“Finny,youknowyoulovedit.”
FinnglancedoverhisshoulderatmeandHughwithwideeyesandgaveustheslightestshake,makingitclearthathedidnotenjoyit.
“Yeah,Finny.Stopwhining.Trysleepinginaroomwithafour-year-oldwhosingsinhersleep,”Cagesaid,winkingathisdaughter.
“Daddy…”HerheadfellbackinafitofgigglesagainstHugh’sshoulder.“Iwassinginginmysleepsagain?”
“Hey,that’sasignofhappiness.Akidwhosingsinhersleep.That’sagoodlife,man,”Hughsaid,noddingathisbrotherandkissingGracie’scheek.
Whenthedoorsopened,CagereachedforGracieandsetheronthefloorbeforetakingherhandinhis.“Allright,rememberwhatItoldyouaboutattendingawedding.”
“Don’tbeababy?”sheaskedherfather,andwealllaughedaswewalkedbehindthem.
“Ididn’tsaythat.Isaidyouwereabiggirl,”CagecorrectedherasheledusthroughthelobbytowardthebusthatwasshuttlingusalltotheWayburns’housefortheceremonyandreception.“Isaidthatbiggirlscanwalkdowntheaislewithoutstoppingtochatwitheveryoneineachrow.”
Shegiggled,butitwasdrownedoutbythefactthatSoniawastalkingamileaminutetoFinn,wholookedlikehewasfeigninginterest,andHughleaneddownsoonlyIcouldhear.
“Ididn’twanttothrowyouunderthebus,Snow,butGraciewasn’ttheonlyonesinginginhersleeplastnight.”Hislipsgrazedmyear.
“Oh,yeah?”Iasked,aswesteppedoutside.
“Youlikemyheadburiedbetweenyourlegs,don’tyou?”Hisvoicewasalltease,andIsqueezedmythighstogethertostoptheachethatwasbuilding.
“Itwasn’taterriblewaytofallasleep,”Isaidaswewalkedtowardthebus.
Hugh’shandmovedtomylowerbackasheguidedmeupthesteps.Thepadofhisthumbgrazedtheexposedskinjustabovethewaistbandofmybareback,andchillbumpscoveredmyskin.I’dneverbeenlikethisbefore.I’devenwonderedforyearsifsomethingwaswrongwithme.I’dwonderedifmaybeIwasdeadinsideormissingsomething,asI’dneverbeenthatgirlwhowasboycrazyorthoughtaboutsexallthetime.
But,timeshadchanged,andIwasofficiallyboycrazy—atleastaboutthisoneinparticular.Ithoughtabouthavingsexwithhimallthetime.
AndIhadn’tevenhadityet.
ButthewayIwantedthisman—itwasindescribable.
GeorgiaandBrinkleywerewavingusover,andweallgawkedatoneanother’sdresses.
“Where’syourdate?”Hughasked,aswetooktheseatinfrontofGeorgiaonthebus.
“Hehasamigraine.”Sheshrugged.“It’sfine.Icandancemyassoffandhavefunonmyown,andIwon’thavetoworryabouthim.”
“Well,there’saredflag,”Brinkleysaid,leaningintospeakasshesatinherseatbesideKaeran,whogaveusacurtnod.
“YouknowIlovemesomeredflags.I’veyettodateamanwhodidn’tcomewithawholeslewofthem.”Georgiasmirked.
“IthinkMomwouldcallthatemotionalbaggage.Andyou’vealwayslikedfixingbrokenthings,Georgie,”Cagesaidfromtheseatbesideher.
“Iguesstheappledoesn’tfallfarfromthetree.”Sheshrugged,referringtotheirmombeingatherapist.
Hughbumpedmewithhisshoulder,andIshiftedmyattentionbacktohim.HewasholdinghisphoneinhislapandturneditformetoseeatextfromFinnintheirfamilygroupchat.
Finn
Thisisn’tgoingtoworkoutwithSonia.Hersleepcontraptionsalonekeptmeupallnight.ButIthinkthethingthatputmeovertheedgewasthefactthatshetraveledwithatripodandwantedtofilmuslastnightwhenweweregettingbusy.That’sahardnoforme.It’sgoingtobealongday.Feelfreetointerruptasmuchaspossible.
Mymouthgapedopen,andIchuckledbeforeHughrespondedquicklyandtuckedhisphonebackintohispocket.Ilovedthisaboutthem.Thisfamilyfiercelylovedoneanother.
ItwasashortbusridetotheWayburns’house.Theestatewaslikesomethingoutofamagazine.Whenwesteppedoffthebus,wewereledthroughagorgeousgardenoverflowingwiththemostbeautifulpeoniesandhydrangeasI’deverseen.Lushtreesofferedshade,andwhitelanternshungfromeverybrancharoundthelarge,beautifulestate.Thereweremeninblacktuxedoswithtailssittinginthreechairs,playingtheviolin.I’dneverexperiencedanythingmoreelegantinmylife.
Wewereeachgreetedwithaglassofchampagnebeforemakingourwaytotherowsofchairsontheexpansivegrassarea.Hughintroducedmetoseveralfamilymembersthathadn’tbeeninattendancelastnightattherehearsaldinner,andwetookourseatsinthethirdrowbackonthebride’sside.HughandIsatbesidehissiblings,takingthetwoendseatsbesidetheaisle.HughsaidthatDylanhadrequestedthathesitnearanaislesoifshegotnervous,shecouldfindhimeasily.Iknewthey’dalwaysbeenclosewhenwewereyoung,andthatbondhadonlydeepenedwithtime.
Thesunwasout,buttherewasabreezeswirlingaroundus,makingittheperfecttemperatureforanoutdoorwedding.Peoplefloodedin,fillingthechairsquickly,andtheremusthavebeenagoodtwohundredandfiftypeopleinattendance.
IlookeduptoseeSebastianescortinghismothertoherseatbesideherhusband.Sheworeagorgeouschampagne-coloredgown,andeveryonewasdressedtothenines.WhenSebastianturnedaroundtoheadbackdowntheaisle,hespottedusandhurriedover.
“Ah…IloveseeingallofDylan’scousins,”hepurred,ashesmiledateachofthem,andeveryonestoppedtosayhellobeforeHugh’ssiblingsreturnedtotheirindividualconversationsthatthey’dhadgoingon.Andthenhisgazelockedwithmine.“Hello,Lila.MightIsaythatyouarelookingstrikinginthatgown.”
AloudenoughgrowlleftHugh’slipsthathadCageandFinnturningtoseewhatwasgoingon.Sebastianbarkedoutalaugh.
“Andhellotoyou,Hugh,”Sebastiansaid,hisvoiceteasing.“Idoenjoyseeingyouallworkedup.I’llseeyoutwoatthereception.Savemeadance,Lila.”
Heheldupahandbeforemovingbackdowntheaisleandoutofview.
“Realsmooth,brother.”Finnleanedinandchuckled.
“Thatdudehasawayofgettingundermyskin.”Hughranahanddownthefrontofhisface,andCagestudiedhimforalongminutebeforethemusicstartedtoplay.
Wolfenteredfirstandstoodbeneaththelargearchedgazebocoveredinpinkandwhitefloralssurroundedbygreensthatmatchedtherestofthegarden.Hedidn’tlooknervousatallashestareddownattheendoftheaisleasifeverythingthatmatteredintheworldwasattheotherendofthegrassypath.Itwasimpossibletomissthelovebetweenthesetwo,anditrestoredmyfaithinjusthowmagicalitallcouldbe.Iwonderedwhatitwouldfeelliketobelovedlikethat.
IthoughtaboutthephotosI’dseenfrommyparents’weddingday.Howhappythey’dbeen.Howdifferentmyfatherlookedwhenhewasstandingbesidethewomanheloved.
HawkescortedWolf’ssister,Sabine,downtheaislefirst,andthenAshlan,Vivian,andCharlottewalkeddowntheaislewiththeirhusbands,takingtheirspotsupfront.Everly,beingthemaidofhonor,walkedinwithSebastian,himstandingbesidehisbrotherandEverlystandingbesidethespotthatDylanwouldsoonberesidingin.
Theweddingsongbegantoplay,andeveryonerosetotheirfeet.Hughcaughtmeoffguardwhenhishandcamebackbehindhim,ashestoodinfrontofme.Hisfingersreachedformine,andhisthumbstrokedtheoutsideofmyhand.
Dylanwasavisioninawhite,fittedsatingown,dippinglowinthefront,withatrainthatranbehindher.Herarmwaswrappedaroundherfather’s,andafewoftheguysinthebackoftheaudiencewhistled.HughleaneddowntoletmeknowtheywereallfromtheHoneyMountainFireDepartmentwhereJackThomaswasthecaptain.
AlumpformedinmythroatwhenInoticedDylanandherfather’seyeswerewelledwithemotion,andIcouldvisiblyseethatshewastryingtokeepittogether.Completelyovercome.ShepausedwhenshestoodinfrontofusforjustlongenoughtoreachoutandsqueezeHugh’sfreehandandsmileasatearbrokefree,runningdownhergorgeousface.Hughreachedupandswipeditaway,kissinghercheek,andshewhisperedsomethinginhisearbeforesheandherfatherbeganwalkingtowardWolfonceagain.
Towardherfuture.
Herlongtrainranafewfeetbehindherasshemovedwithgraceandeasedowntheaisle.HerhairwaspulledbackinaFrenchtwistatthenapeofherneck.ShewasthemostelegantbrideI’deverseen.Wolfwasclearlylosinghispatienceashestartedtakingstepstowardher,whichmadeeveryonechuckle.
“Don’tyoudarerushthis.I’llberightthere,big,badWolf,”Dylancalledout,andeveryoneeruptedinlaughter.
“You’rewalkingtooslow,Minx.I’mdonewaiting.”
Morelaughter.
DylanandherfatherstoppedinfrontofWolf,who’dsteppedagoodfiveorsixfeetforwardfromwhereheoriginallystood.Hereacheddowntoswipeawaythetearsshewastryingtocontrol.Jackshookhisnewson-in-law’shandandkissedhisdaughter’scheekandthentookhisseatupfront.
“CanIhaveyoubothfinishwalkingbacktothegazebo,sinceWolfganghasyouintheaisle?”theministersaid,andthechucklessurroundedusonceagain.
“Whatdidshesaytoyou?”IwhisperedclosetoHugh’searoncewewereseated.
Helookeddownatme,hiseyesblazingwithsomethingIcouldn’tread.Heleanedcloseandwhispered,“Shesaidshewantedmetofindthehappinessthatshe’dfound.We’dalwaysjokedincollegethatwe’dbesingleforever,soIguessshe’sjustfeelingallthethingstoday.”
Inoddedandturnedmyattentionbacktothefront.Theceremonywasgorgeous.Theyeachreadtheirownvows,whichwerebothhilariousandsweet.Youcouldn’tmisshowmuchthesetwolovedoneanother.IknewthatDylanThomaswasstrongfromallthetimesI’dmetherandthestoriesI’dheardovertheyears,butDylanWayburnwasawomanwhofelteverything,andshewasn’thidingittoday.
Wewatchedastheywereannouncedhusbandandwife,andwejumpedtoourfeetastheyheadedbackdowntheaisle,alongwiththeweddingparty.Wefollowedthemoutandmadeourwaytothereception,whichwasgorgeous.Thetentedareahadcrystalchandeliershangingthroughoutthespace,andthetableswerecoveredinwhitelinenwithblackvelvetnapkins.
Elegantandmodernandbeautiful.
Therewasalivebandperformingthroughoutdinner,andtheDJhadarrivedafterwe’dfinishedeatingtogetthepartystarted.
ImetmorepeoplethanIcouldpossiblyremember,butIwashavingafabuloustime.WewereseatedatatablewithallHugh’ssiblingsandhisparents.GeorgiaandIhadgottentospendsometimetalkingtoCharlotte,Ashlan,Vivian,andEverly,whichhadbeenreallynice.AndeverysingletimeIlookedup,Hugh’seyeswereonme.Somehow,we’dfindoneanothernomatterwherewewereinthecrowdedroom,anditcomfortedme.
“I’mgladyou’rehere,”Cagesaid,ashedroppedintothechairbesidemeafterdancingwithanolderauntwhohadbeenrelentlessabouthimtakingheroutonthedancefloor.
“Me,too.Thisissuchalovelywedding.”IreachedformyglassofwinewhileGeorgialefttogousetherestroomandcallandcheckonDikota.
“Idon’tjustmeanthewedding,Lila.Imean,backinCottonwoodCove.WorkingwithHugh.He’sbeenprettystressedout,andIcanseeyou’vehelpedtakealotofthatweightoffhisshoulders.”
Ismiled.“Well,I’vereallyenjoyedbeinghome.AndIloveworkingattherestaurant.I’mgoingtobespendingmoretimeatBurgersandBrewsandGarrity’swhenwegetback,nowthatwehavethingsrunningsmoothlyatReynolds’.Hejustneededmorestaff.Hewastakingontoomuch.”
“Yeah.That’sHugh.He’sfoundhimselfinthisbusiness,andhe’sneverstoppedforaminutesincehechangedcourserightaftercollege.Didyouknowthathewasactuallygoingtoschooltobeasportsagentoriginally?”hesaid,hischeeksalittlerosy,mostlikelyfromthecocktailshe’dindulgedintonight.Everyonewashavingareallygoodtime.
“No.Ididn’tknowthat.”
“Yeah.ButthenmyfathergotcoloncancerwhenHughwasincollege,sohedecidedtogetthebusinessdegreeandtakeoverthefamilybusinesstohelpoutDad.”HeglancedoutonthedancefloorandchuckledwhenhesawHughspinningGraciearound.
“I’dheardaboutyourfather’scancer,butIdidn’tknowHughchangedhisplansduringthattime,”Isaid,leaningforward,myeyeswide.
“Yes.Itwasareallyroughcoupleofyears.ButDad’sbeeninremissionforawhilenow.HughbeingHughjumpedintogearanddidwhatheneededtodoforourfamily.Iwasinvetschoolatthetimeandnotlivingclose.And,well,youknowhowfamilydynamicswork.EveryoneknewHughwouldtakecareofthings,justashealwaysdoes.It’swhoheis.Hecomesofflikeaselfishplayboy,buthe’sactuallythedudewhotakescareofeveryone.Justnotalwayshimself,”hesaid,glancingbackathisbrotherandhisdaughter.
“Well,peoplearen’talwaysastheyseem,arethey?”Isaid,keepingmyvoicesteadyandtryingtomakelightofthesituationwhilestillprocessingwhathe’djustshared.
“Youpromisedmeadance,Lila.”Sebastianstartledmeashestoppedatourtable.
Cagechuckledasifheknewthiswasnotgoingtogooverwell.ButInoddedandturnedbacktoHugh’solderbrother.“Excuseme.I’llbebackafterthisdance.”
“Idon’tthinkit’lltakethatlong,butwe’llsee,”Cageteased,andIwasn’tsurewhathemeantbythat.
Sebastianledmeouttothedanceflooras“Perfect”byEdSheeranstartedplaying.Heplacedonehandonmylowerbackandoneonmyupperarm,buthedidn’tpullmeclose.Wekeptadistancebetweenourbodies,whichIwasgratefulfor.Helookeddownatme.“Youlookgorgeous.Tellmewhat’sgoingonwithyouandthegrumpycousin.”
Ichuckledasheswayedusfromsidetoside,andmygazemovedpasthisshoulder,lookingforHugh.“Heandmybrotherarebestfriends.We’regoodfriends.Alwayshavebeen.”
“Isee.Doeshealwaysgrowlanytimeamanspeakstooneofhisfriend’ssisters?”
Ismiled,feelingmycheeksheat.“He’salwaysbeenprotective.”
“Well,Ihaveagiftforhelpingpeoplealong.So,you’rewelcome,”hesaid,hisvoicelow.
Mybodytingled,feelinghimbeforehemadehispresenceknown.
Bear.
“I’llbecuttinginnow,”Hughdemanded,hisvoicedeep,andhemadenoattempttohidehisirritation.
“Ah,we’vebeenwaitingforyou.”Sebastiansteppedbackandwinkedatmebeforesteppingaway.
Hughpulledmeagainsthisbody.Hisarmwrappedsnuglyaroundmywaist,andtheothermovedbehindmyneck.
Possessiveandprotectiveatthesametime.
“Whatthehellisthatdude’sdeal?”hehissedagainstmyear,hisbreathticklingmyneck.
Ichuckled.“Iwasgoingtoaskyouthesamething.”
“It’skillingmetokeepmydistance.They’reabouttocutthecake.Whatdoyousaywesneakoutofhereassoonasthat’sdone?”Hepulledback.Hishandmovedbeneathmychin,andhetippedmyfaceuptomeethisgaze.Hisgreeneyesblazedwithpopsofamberandgold.
Inodded,andheturnedandledmeoffthedancefloor.
AndIhadafeelingournightwasjustgettingstarted.twenty-oneHugh
Wewerefinallybackatthehotel,andI’djustslippedthekeyintothedoorofourroom,andwesteppedinside.Theweddinghadbeengreat,butIwasreadytobealonewithLila.Ithadbeentorturekeepingmyhandsoffherallnight.
AndthatfuckingSebastian.Don’tevengetmestarted.
Iwasdonewaiting.Hell,we’dcrossedthelinesomanytimes,Ididn’tknowwhereitwasanymore.
Assoonasthedoorclosed,Ipressedherbackagainstthewood,andshegaspedwithsurprise.
“Areyousureyouwantthis,Snow?Allofit?”Iasked,reachingforherhandsandpinningthemaboveherhead.Iwaslosingcontrolwiththiswoman.I’dneverwantedanyonemore.
Notevenclose.
“Yes,”shesaid,nohesitation.Hergazelockedwithmine,lookingatmelikeshecouldseestraightintomysoul.“I’vewantedyouforsolong,Icanbarelyseestraight.”
Ireleasedherwrists,runningmyhandsdownherarms,overhergorgeousbreasts,downtoherwaistwhereIslippedthembehindherandcuppedherperfect,tightass.Iliftedheroffherfeet,andherlegswrappedaroundmywaistasherheadfellbackinafitoflaughter.
“Youknowyoudon’tneedtocarrymeeverywhere,”shesaid,asIdroppedherontothecenterofthemattressandhoveredaboveher.
“Ilikecarryingyou,”Isaid,asInippedathersweetmouthandpulledbacktotakeoffhershoes.Iunbuckledthestrapsandslippedthemoffoneatatimebeforehoveringoverheronceagain.“Thisdressisdrivingmefuckingcrazy.”
Islidbothstrapsoffhershoulders,pleasedtoseethatshewasn’twearingabra.Myhandsmoveddowntotracealongtheoutsideofhertitsasthefabricpooledatherwaist.Mymouthwasnext,coveringonebreastatatimeandteasinghernippleswithmytongue,flickingandlickingasshewrithedandpantedbeneathme.Ineededhernakednow.
Ipulledback,andwithoneswiftmove,IflippedheroverontoherstomachsoIcouldfindthezipper,andshegasped.
Herbreathswerecominghardandfast,andhercheekrestedonthemattressasshelayperfectlystill.IcouldseeasmileonhergorgeouslipsasIslippedthezipperdown.Theblackfabriceasilyfellfromherbody,andIdroppeditontothefloorbeforestaringatherperfectassinablacklacethong.MyfingerstracedacrossherskinandupherbackasIleaneddownandkissedherneck.Ireachedforthepinsthatwereholdingherhairinplaceandslippedthemout,lettingherloosewavesfallaroundher.Itossedthemontothenightstandbesidethebedandtookherin
“Bear,please,”shewhispered,andIknewwhatsheneeded.Whatshewanted.IpulledbackandrolledheroversoIcouldlookather.
ShepusheduponherelbowsandwatchedasItossedmyjacketontothechairbehindmeandthentriedtounbuttonmydressshirtbeforelosingmypatienceandtearingthesonofabitchopen.Thebuttonsflewallaroundtheroomashereyeswidened,andshelaughed.
“I’msofuckingdoneholdingback,”Isaid,shovingtheshirtoffmyshouldersandreachingformypants.Istoodtherestarknakedinfrontofher,mydickpointingathersoeagerlyyou’dthinkthebastardhadbeeninsideherbefore.
“Sodon’t,”shesaid,hervoiceallbreathyandsexy.“Iwantyou.”
Iclosedthedistancebetweenus,almostpredatoryinthewayImoved.
“I’mallyours,Lila.”Ileaneddownandkissedher,hermouthpartingasmytongueslippedinside.
Mydickthrobbedwithneed,butIdidn’twanttorushthings.Myhandslidbetweenherlegs,knowingthatsexwasnotgoingtobecomfortablebecauseitwasherfirsttime,and—Ihappenedtobehunglikearacehorse.Iwasn’tbeingcocky;itwasthereality.Iwasabigdude,andIassumeditmightbepainfulforher.AndthethoughtofhurtingLiladidcrazyshittome.
Istrokedmyhandbetweenherlegs,andshewasalreadysoaked.Islidonefingerinside,andalittlegaspescapedhersweetmouth,andthenshefoundherrhythmasIslidinandoutofher.Shetuggedonmyhairasshegroundagainstmyhand,andIslowlymovedasecondfingerinside.Shehaltedhermovementsforaminute,andIpulledbacktolookather,pushingherwild,longhairoutofherface.
“Mydickisalotbiggerthanthis,Snow.So,we’regoingtotakeourtimeuntilyou’reready.There’snorush,andIwantyoutotellmeifanythinghurts.”
Herhandcameupandrestedonmycheek.“Theonlythingthathurtsiswhenyoudenyme.”
Fuckme.Thiswomanownedme.
Ipushedallthewayin,hereyesclosed,andshearchedherbackandstartedmovingherhipsonceagain.
Mymouthcoveredhers,andshefoundherrhythm.Faster.Needier.OurkissgrewmoredesperateeachtimeIslidmyfingersinandout.Overandover.Herbreathswerelabored,andmydickthrobbed,butIdidn’tletup.Wekisseduntilmylipswereraw.Shegroanedagainstmymouth,andIcouldfeelhertenseasshegrippedmyshouldershard.Iknewshewasclose,andIwantedtowatchthisbeautifulwomancomeapartbeneathme.Ipulledbackashersweetbodymovedinperfectrhythm.Backarched,titsbouncingeversoslightly,lipsplumpfromwhereI’djustkissedthem,andshewentrightovertheedge.ShegaspedbeforecryingoutmynamewithaneedIunderstood,becauseIfeltit,too.Shequakedandshook,andhergazeneverleftmineassherodeouteverylastbitofpleasure.Alayerofsweatcoveredherforehead,andIleaneddownandkissedhersoftlybeforepullingmyhandfrombetweenherlegs.
Shehadn’tsaidanything,butshereachedformyhandandplaceditonherheart,whichwasstillbeatingrapidly
“Thisiswhatyoudotome,”shewhispered.“Noonehasevermademyheartrace.”
Ireachedforherhandandplaceditovermyheart.“Watchingyoucomeapartlikethatdidthesamethingtomine.ThemostbeautifulfuckingthingI’veeverseen.”
Herlipsturnedupinthecorners,andhereyeswelledwithemotion.“Nomorewaiting,Bear.I’mmorethanready.”
Ipushedtostandandfoundmypantsonthefloor.Idugoutmywallet,findingacondomthatIhadtuckedaway.Iwalkedbackovertothesideofthebedandtoreoffthetopofthefoilwrapper,andshesatupandplacedherfingersaroundmypalm.“Showmehowtodoit.”
Ihandedittoher,andIguidedmyhandsoverhersassheslidthelatexovermyerection.
AndI’dbedammedifitwasn’tthemostintimatethingI’deverexperiencedwithawoman.Herdesiretolearnhowtopleasemewassosexy,Inearlylostitrightthere.
“Theeasiestwayisnotthemostexciting,”Isaid,tuckingherhairbehindherear.“Butit’stheonlywayIcancontrolhowslowIgo,withmeontop,soIcanseeifit’stoomuchforyou.”
Shenodded.“Itwon’tbe.”
Ileanedherback,andshespreadherlegsapart,makingroomformetosettlebetweenherthighs,andIkissedherforthelongesttime,wantingtogetherworkedupagainsoitwouldbeeasierforher.Irockedagainsther,andwefoundarhythm.Herhandreacheddownbetweenus,andshegrippedmycock.IhissedoutabreathbecauseitwastakingalltherestraintIhadnottotakeherrighthereandnow.Andtheslightesttouchfromherhadmybodybuzzingwithneed.Shespreadherlegsfurther,andmyhandslippeddowntofindherwetandreadyonceagain.
Damn,thisgirljustkeptshockingtheshitoutofme.
IpulledmymouthfromhersbecauseIwantedtoseeher.
Neededtoseeher.
Makesureshewasokay.
Iguidedmydicktoherentrance,teasingheralittlebitasourbreathinggrewerratic.
Ipushedinjustalittle,andherhandsmovedtomyshoulders.Sheliftedup,encouragingmeformore.
Imovedslowly,inchbygloriousfuckinginch,andnothinghadeverfeltbetter.
“More,”shewhispered,pullingmyheaddownandkissingme.
Iwaslostinthemoment.
Lostinthisgirl.
ThebestfuckingfeelingI’deverexperienced.Ikissedherandrockedforward,holdingmyselfuponmyelbowsasIsliddeeper.
Further.
Shebuckedupagainstme,lettingmeknowshewasokay,andhertonguetangledwithmine.Ithrustforward,feelinghertenseatfirst,butherhandstraveleddownmybacktomyassassheurgedmeformore.
OnceIwasallthewayin,IstruggledtobreatheasItriedhardnottomove.Iwantedtogivehertimetoadjusttomysize.Ipulledmymouthfromhers,needingtoseethoseeyesonme.
“Openyoureyes,”Isaid,whenIfoundthemsqueezedshut.Theyflewopen,andshesmiledthetiniestbit.“Areyouokay?Doyouwantmetostop?”
Hermouthfellopen.“No.I’mgood.Itwasalittleuncomfortable,butnotanymore.Iwantyourmouthonmine.”
Damn.Thatturnedmethehellon.
MymouthcrashedintohersasIslowlypulledoutandslidbackinatthesamepace.Wedidthatoverandoveragainuntilsherespondedbybuckingupagainstmetosetthepace.
Wefoundourrhythm.
Slowatfirst.
Andthenfaster.
MeetingoneanotherthrustforthrustasIpulledoutanddrovebackin.
Wewerebothcoveredinalayerofsweataswedidthisagainandagainforwhatfeltlikeforever.IfIdiedrighthere,rightnow,burieddeepinsideLilaJames,Iwouldleavethisearthahappyman.
“I’mclose,”shewhispered,andmyheadrearedback.
I’dneverexpectedhertoenjoythefirsttime,butfuckmeifthatwasn’tthesexiestthingI’deverheard.
Myhandcamebetweenus,knowingjustwhereshewantedtobetouched.Herbackarchedoffthebedagain,andmylipsfoundhernipple.Movingfromonehardpeaktothenext.
IsuckedandlickedasIdroveinandoutofher.
Nothinghadeverfeltbetter.
Icouldfeelhertighteningaroundme,andIknewshewasclose.
Hernailsdugintomyback,andshegaspedassheclenchedaroundmelikeamotherfuckingvise,andIcouldn’tholdonanylonger.Shecriedoutmynameasherentirebodystartedtoshake.Ithrustonce,twice—andIroaredoutmyrelease,goingrightovertheedgewithher,bothofusshakingandpantingandridingouteverylastbitofpleasure.
Fuckingecstasy.
I’dhadmyfairshareofsexinmylifetime—butnothinghadevercomparedtothis.
Icontinuedtopropmyselfaboveher.Myarmsburned,andIrolledontomyside,takingherwithme,asIwrappedmyarmsaroundher.
Mybreathingwasstilllabored,andthesliveroflightfromthemooncomingthroughthecurtainsofferedenoughlightformetoseehergorgeousface.
Ourbreathingslowed,andIpulledbacktolookdownather.
Shebitdownonherbottomlipandsmiled.“DoIlookdifferent?”
Ibarkedoutalaugh.“Youlookfuckingbeautiful.”
“DoIlooklikeawomanwhojusthadherworldrockedbyhersexylover?”
Damn.Thisgirlturnedmeoninawaynooneeverhad,andshecouldmakemelaughwithouteventrying.
WhenIwaswithLila,itwaseasyandhonestandreal.
ThosewerenotwordsIwouldusetodescribemostofmypastrelationshipswithwomen.
Ithadnevergoneverydeep.
Butrightnow,itfeltlikeIwasinsodeep,I’dneverbeabletocomeupforair.
Islowlypulledoutofher,watchingherfaceasIdidso.“Sexylover,huh?”
“Youarethat,HughReynolds.ThesexiestmanI’veevermet.”Shechuckledasherfingersmovedthroughmyhair,strokingitawayfrommyface.
Ikissedthetipofhernosebeforepushingtomyfeetandwalkingtothebathroomtodisposeofthecondombeforepullingonapairofbriefs.Ireachedforawashclothandletthewaterheatupbeforeholdingitbeneaththehotwaterandwringingitout.
Ifoundherlyingtheresleepily,andIslowlymovedherlegsapart,holdingthewarmclothbetweenherthighs,andshesighed.
“You’resofuckinggorgeous,Snow.Howdoyoufeel?”
“Thankyou,”shesaid,asIcontinuedcleaningherup.“Youknowhowyouhearaboutsomethingforsolong,andthenit’sthisbuilt-upthing,andyoujustwanttogetitoverwith,andyouknowitwon’tliveuptoallthehype?”
“Yes,”Isaid,raisingabrowatherandpreparingtogetsucker-punchedinthegutaboutnotlivinguptoherexpectations.
“ThatwassofarbeyondwhatIthoughtitwouldbe.IthinkI’mabigfanofsexnow.”Shelaughed,andIsettheclothonthenightstandanddoveontopofher,ticklingherandrunningmybeardoverherneck.
“Good.Wecanhavelotsofitoverthenexttwomonths.”Ipausedtolookdownather.
“Thanksformakingmyfirsttimesospecial,Bear.I’llrememberitforever.”Sheranherfingersoverthestubbleofmyjaw.“Anotheronebitesthedustonmylist.”
“Guesswe’regoingtohavetokeepfillingthatlistwithnewthingstotry.We’reknockingthemofftoofast.”
“Yeah,it’sbeenreallygreatbeinghomethissummer.Therearen’tgoingtobealotofdaystoknockthingsoffthelistonceIstartthenewjob.Allworkandnoplay.”Sheshrugged,andthementionofherleavinghadmychestsqueezing.
Iwasn’tthatguy.
Ididn’tgetattached.
Ineededtobecarefulbecausethiswastemporary.
I’dalwaysbeengoodwithtemporary
“We’llhavetoremedythatwhileyou’rehome,yeah?”
Shenodded,tuckingherlipsbeneathherteethandlookingawaybeforehergazereturnedtomine.
“CanIaskyousomething?”
“Ofcourse.”
“Cagetoldmethatwhenyoufoundoutyourdadhadcancer,youchangedyourwholeplanaboutwhatyouwantedtodowithyourlife.Ididn’tknowyouwantedtobeasportsagent.”
Myshouldersstiffenedatthementionofit.Itwasaterribletimeinmylife—inmyfamily’slife.Myfathertriedhardnottomakeitabigdeal,buthe’dgonetohellandback,andhisbattlewithcancerwasnotaneasyone.Hewasaveryproudman,andaskingforhelpwasnotinhisnature.“Yeah,itwasn’tsomethingIwasdeadseton.Ididn’tmindchangingtheplantokeeptherestaurantsgoing.Andweallralliedaroundhimduringthattime,andthankfullyhe’scancer-freetoday.”
“Cagesaidthatyouralliedthemost.”Hereyeswerewelledwithemotion.
“Cagehasabigmouth.”
“Lookslikewehaveafewthingsincommon,Bear.”
“What’sthat?”Iasked.
“We’dbothdojustaboutanythingforourfamily.”Hertongueslippedouttowetherlips,andIhardenedatthesight.
“Whatelse?”
“Webothlovesex,right?”Shechuckled,andIleaneddownandkissedher
BecauseIcouldn’tgetenoughofthiswoman.
ButIhadtwomonthswithher,andIplannedtotakeadvantageofeverylastminuteofthat.twenty-twoLila
“Youknowthismakesyoukindofclingy,right?”Iteased.HughandIhadbeenbackforovertwoweekssincereturningfromthewedding,andhe’dstartedcyclingwithmewhenIraninthemorningsbecausehesaidhedidn’tliketheideaofmebeingoutherealone.
“Idon’tgiveashitwhatitmakesme.It’sstilldarksomemorningswhenyouleaveforyourruns,andit’snotsafe.Plus,you’resowarmandtoastythatwhenyouleavemybed,Icanfeelit.”
Yes,wespentournightstangledupinhisbedtogether.Travishadonlybeenoverafewtimessincewe’dreturned,anditwaseasytojustactlikewealwaysdid.
Becausenothinghadchangedoutsideofthefactthatwecouldn’tkeepourhandsoffoneanothernow.
Thedaywe’dcomehome,I’dgottenthecallfromLaurenthattheywerereadyforDadtobeadmitted.Travishadstucktohisgunsaboutnotgoingwithus,andHughhadsteppedupanddrivenmyfathertherewithmeonceagain.
Themanjustkeptshowingupforme,timeandtimeagain.
Dadwashopefulandgratefulandwillingtotry,andIcouldn’taskformorethanthat.Hehadtwoweeksunderhisbeltasoftoday.I’dgottenafewemails,butweweren’tallowedtovisitinpersonthefirsttwoweeks,whichmeanttheywerefocusingonhim.Itwasexactlywhatheneeded.He’dneverdelvedintothereasonsthathe’dspentmostofmylifenumbinghimself.We’dalwaysjustbeentryingtocleanupthemessesthatfollowedhisaddiction.AndmaybeTraviswasright,anditwouldn’tmakeadifference,butwhatifitdid?Wasn’titworthatry?
Iwouldbevisitinghimforthefirsttimenextweek,andIwaslookingforwardtoit.
Iturneddownthefinalstretchofmyrunandglancedovermyshoulderatthesexymanonablackbeachcruiserpedalingalong,andIstartedpumpingmyarmsbecausewealwaysracedthelasttwohundredmetersbeforehishouse.Icouldhearhimlaughingfrombehindme,andIknewhewasclosingin.
“I’mcomingforyou,Snow!”heshoutedashepulledupalongsideme,andIpressedon,thedrivewaysittingjustafewfeetaway.
Icametoahaltatthebottomofhisdriveway,withhimrightnexttomeasIbentovermyknees,gaspingforairandblinkingatthesightinfrontofme.
MylittlepieceofcrapHondaCivicwasparkedinhisdriveway.OnceIcaughtmybreath,Ilookedupathim.
“IthinkIbeatyoutoday,”hesaid,asiftherewasn’tabigelephantintheroom.
Hecouldbeatmeeverydayonthatbikeifhewantedto,butheneverdid.HejuststayedbesidemenomatterwhatspeedIwent;hewasalwaysrightthere.
“Wetied,”Isaid,wipingthesweatfrommyforehead.“Doyouknowwhymycarisinyourdriveway?”
“Oh,thatthing?Isthatyours?”
Icrossedmyarmsovermychestandraisedabrow.“I’mfairlycertainitis.”
“Hmmm.”Henodded.“Well,Iboughtitawhileback.Wouldhavegivenittoyousooner,butitneededsomework.Roddy’shaditinhisshop,andhesaidhe’dbedroppingitbythismorning.Thekeysareunderthemat.Youcan’tdriveanoldcarintotheground,Lila.Youneedtogettheoilcheckedregularlyandmakesurethebrakesareworking.”
“Youboughtmycar?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“BecauseIcould.”Heshrugged.“Youshouldn’tbewithoutacar.Youshouldn’tbedealingwithallofthiswithyourfatheronyourown.Icanaffordtohelpyouout,andIwantedtodoit.”
Iwantedtobepissedoff.
He’dgonebehindmyback,afterall
Butinstead,Ifeltoverwhelmedwithemotion.Hughhadbeensogoodtomeinsomanyways,andIdidn’tknowhowI’deverrepayhim.
Inodded,butnowordsleftmymouth,andatearstreameddownmycheek.
“Hey,”hesaid,gettingoffthebikeandpushingdownthekickstandbeforemovingtowardme.Heusedthepadofhisthumbtoswipeawaythetear.“Noneofthat.It’sjustmoney.It’snotabigdeal.I’mnotplanningtotakeitwithme.”Hesmirked.
“Thankyou.Iwillpayyouback.Youknowthat,right?”
“Idon’twantyouto.”
Isighed.“Wecandiscussitintheshower.Howdoesthatsound?”
“Youwanttohaveyourwaywithme,huh?”
“Always,”Isaid,aswewalkedupthedrivewayandcheckedoutthecar.Therewasasetofnewtiresonit,andhe’dclearlyhaditwashedbecauseitlookedlikeabrand-newcar.
Welockedthedoor,ahabitwe’dstartedwhenwe’dreturnedfromthewedding,becauseTravishadbeenknownattimestodropbyunexpectedly,anditwasadramaneitherofuswantedtodealwith.Wewerejusthavingfun.
ProbablythemostfunI’deverhadinmylife.
And,ofcourse,itwasadamnsecret
Delwastheonlyonewhoknewwhatwasgoingon.IfelthorriblelyingtoSloaneandRina,soI’dtoldthemthebreakingnewsthatI’dlostthebigV-card,butI’dsaiditwaswithatouristthatI’dmetattherestaurant.I’dhadtothinkquicklyasKlineandDaniellehadmadetheirrelationshippublicwhenIgotbackfromthewedding.Klinehadcometomeallsheepish,likehe’ddonesomethingwrong.Butthey’dbeenseenoutbythestaff,sothejigwasup.Ithankedhimforplayingalongforaslongashehad,andIwashappythathe’dfoundsomeonehereallyseemedtolike.I’dthenhadtomakeupastorytothegirlsandTravisthatthingshadfizzledoutwithKline.
Delwasenjoyingbeinginonthesecret,andIknewthatshewouldtakeittohergrave.
Shewassohappyforme,anditwasnicetohavesomeonetoshareitwithbecauseIwasexactlywhereIwantedtoberightnow.
AndI’dneverfeltthatwaybefore.
Butthewholethingwasaggravatingbecauseitdidn’tneedtobeasecret.Ishouldn’thavetolietomyfriendsorhaveKlinecoverforme.Hell,itwasnoneofTravis’sbusinesswhoIspenttimewith.Iwasn’tdoingitforTravis,atthispoint.IwasdoingitforHughbecausetheirfriendshipwasimportanttohim,andTraviswouldn’ttakeouthisangeronme;hewouldtakeitoutonHugh.Iwouldneverwanttocomebetweentheirfriendship,nomatterhowstupidIthoughtthewholethingwas.So,itreallydidn’tmatterifnooneknewwhatwasgoingon.Itwastemporary,andIwashappy.Thatwasenoughformerightnow.
We’dmadeittothebathroomandstrippeddownbeforewebothmovedunderthehotsprayofwater.Itwascrazythatjustafewweeksago,I’dneverhadsexorshoweredwithamanortalkedaboutwhatfeltgoodandwhatdidn’t,andnow,IdidallofthosethingseverydaywithHugh.
Hesqueezedsomeshampoointohishandsandmotionedformetoturnaround.Themanloveddoingsweetthingsforme,andIwashereforit.Ilovedeveryminute.
Whenwewereatwork,weactedlikewewerejustfriends.Well,asidefromlastweek,whenhe’dbentmeoverhisdeskinhisofficeandhadhiswaywithmeafterwe’dlockedup.Ortwodaysagowheneveryonehadgonehome,andweweregettingreadytoleave,he’ddroppedtohiskneesbehindthebarandburiedhisheadbetweenmythighsuntilIcriedouthisnameoverandover.
Lifewasgoodrightnow.
“You’reofftoday,right?”heaskedagainstmyear.
“Yeah.I’llcomeinlaterthisafternoontodosomepaperwork.I’mmeetingmybrotherforcoffee,andthenI’mhavinglunchwiththegirls,”Isaid,turningaroundafterherinsedoutmyhair.
Ireachedforthesoapandlatheredupmyhandsbeforerunningthemoverhischestanddownhisstomach.Hismusclesrippledbeneathmyfingertips,andhesuckedinabreathwhenItracedoverthedeepVleadingdowntothelighttrailofdarkhair.Heinstantlyhardenedbeneathmytouch,andIlovedthatIaffectedhimthewaythatheaffectedme.Thewaterpoureddownonhisbeautifulbody,andhelookedlikeeverywoman’sfantasy.Iwrappedmyfingersaroundhiserection,slidingmyhandupanddownashiseyesfellclosed.Withoutaword,Idroppedtomyknees.Iwasn’tnervouswithHugh.HeencouragedmetotakewhatIwantedandnottobeafraidtousemyvoice.
Ormymouth,apparently.
HegroanedasIwrappedmylipsaroundhim.
StartingmydayintheshowerwithHughReynoldswasmyfavoritethingtocheckoffofmySnowDaylist.
***
IlovedhowquaintdowntownCottonwoodCovewas.Iwalked,eventhoughHughhadgottenmycarbackforme.So,he’dbasicallypaidforthedepositformyfather’srehab,alongwithfixingmycarup,andIstillcouldn’tgetoverthefactthathe’ddonethat.
RedbrickrandownallofMainStreet.Thereweretonsoflittleboutiques,alongwiththepostoffice,thelibrary,andseveralrestaurants,includingReynolds’,whereIworked.Lightpostswereoneverycorner,andthefloralhangingbasketswerealwaysoverflowingwithseasonalflowers.
IwaslookingforwardtoseeingTravisasIhadn’tspentmuchtimewithmybrothersinceI’dbeenhome.Itdidn’tsurpriseme,butheseemedtofeelguiltyaboutit.Hewasaworkaholicandanewlywedexpectinghisfirstchild.Hehadalotonhisplate.Iunderstoodit,andIwasn’toffendedatall.
Iopenedthedoorofthecutecoffeehouse,CupofCove,whichhadopenedwhenIwasinhighschool.Itwassmallandcharming,andtheysoldcoffee,tea,donuts,andcoffee.Andnooneherewasgoingtogrillyouaboutyoursexualescapades,thankgoodness,becauseIwasterrifiedofseeingMrs.Runitherforfearthewomanwouldknowsomethingwasgoingonwithme.
WhenIpulledthedooropen,thesmellofcinnamonfloodedmysenses.Thewallswereapalepink,theflooringarustic,white-washed,wide-plankwoodfloor,andthreeantiquewoodchandeliershungoverhead.
Isteppedinsideandfoundmybrothersittinginthebackonapinkvelvetloveseat,andhelookedcompletelyoutofplacewithhisworkboots,baseballcap,andhischronicfrown.Buthislipsturnedupinthecornerswhenhesawme,andmychestsqueezedalittle.
TravisJameswasthemostprotective,loyalbrotherontheplanet.TherehadneverbeenadayinmylifewhereIdidn’tknowthatIwasdeeplylovedbyatleastoneperson—andthatwasmybrother.Buthewasalsostubbornandclose-minded,andeventhoughIlovedhimfiercely,Iwasnotgoingtojustdowhateverhewantedmeto,justforthesakeofkeepingthepeace.
Timeshadchanged,andI’dgrownup
“Igotyouachailattewithalmondmilk,”hesaid,ashepushedtohisfeetandwrappedhisarmsaroundme.
“Thankyou.”Isatontheloveseatacrossfromhim.“How’sShayfeeling?Shesaidshe’sbeenprettysickinthemornings.”
“Yep.It’sbeenrough.Andshe’sallovermyassbecauseIworktoomuch.”Hechuckled.“I’msorryIhaven’tspentmuchtimewithyou.ButIsawthatlittleshitheadKlinehangingalloverDaniellewhenShayandIwereatdinnertheothernight.Iguesshemovedonquickly.”
Irolledmyeyes.“Yes.Itwasneveranythingmorethanafriendship.He’sagoodguy.We’refriends.”
Henodded.“Howwasthewedding?Hughsaidyouguyshadagoodtime.I’mgladyou’vegothimlookingoutforyou.”
“Idon’tneedanyonetolookoutforme,Travis.Iwishyou’dgetthatthroughyourthickskull.”
Heleanedforwardandsethismugdown.“Idon’tlikeyougoingdownthisrabbitholewithDad,Lila.ThisiswhyIdidn’twantyoucominghome.You’rerunningdownadead-endstreet.Andwhothehellispayingforthis?”
Igroanedbecausehewaslikeadogwithabonewhenhehadapointtomake.Heneverletanythinggo.“Dadistwoweeksintotheprogram,andhe’sdoingwell.Whycan’tyouconsiderthefactthatheiscapableofchange?He’stheonlyfamilywehave,Trav.”
Hishandsfistedonthetable,andtheveinsonhisneckbulged.Icouldseehewastryingtocontrolhisvoicefromgoingtoafullshout.“Letmesee…Hewasn’tthereforusatallafterourmotherwaskilledinacaraccident.Hecheckedthefuckout.Hecompletelyneglectedus,andyougotsosick,youendedupinthehospitalforafewweeks.Youcouldhavedied.Andwherewashe?Oh,that’sright,hewasfucked-uponGodknowswhatprescriptionmedsthemanwastaking.HewassoneglectfulthatthehospitalcalledCPS,Lila.Heisthereasonthatyouwoundupinsomeshittystranger’shouseinfuckingfostercareaftergettingoutofthehospital.Isthatnotenough?”
Ireachedacrossthetableandcoveredhishandwithmine.“I’mnotquestioningyourreasonsforbeingangry.Buthewasinjuredafterhefelloffthatladder,andhegothookedonpainmeds.He’shuman,andhe’sanaddict.Insteadofhatinghim,whynottrytohelphim?”
“Howaboutthenextdecadeafterthat,Lila?Huh?Youraneveryfuckingdayofyourlifetoescapewhatwasgoingoninthathouse.Theshortspurtsofsobrietyfollowedbytheendlessfuckups.Hehardlyattendedanyofyourraces,eventhoughthewholetowncameouttocheeryouonbecauseyouwerekickingsomuchass.Wherewashe?”
TravishadnevermissedoneofmyracesbeforeIleftforcollege.He’dturneddownascholarshiptogoawaytoschool,andhestayedhometoattendasmallcommunitycollegehereinCottonwoodCovesohecouldlookafterme.Mybrotherhadsacrificedalotforme,andIlovedhimforit.Butholdingontoallthisangerwasnotgoodforhim.
“Hewassuffering,Trav.”Isqueezedhishand.“Iloveyou,andIknowthatyoulostyourchildhoodbecauseyouwerestuckraisingme.Andthatwasn’tfair,andyouhaveeveryrighttobeangry.Butcarryingallthatbaggageandhate—it’snothealthy.You’regoingtobeafather,andthisshouldbethehappiesttimeofyourlife,butyouseemmorestressedoutthanever.Talktome.”
Hepulledhishandawayandranitdownhisface.“IneedyoutoknowthatIhaveneverregrettedonedayofbeingyourbrother.Iwoulddoitalloveragaintokeepyousafe.ButI’mstrugglingwithyoubeinghome,knowingthatthismancanderailyou.He’sselfish,andhelethischildrenflounderafterlosingtheirmother,andIdon’trespectthat.Andyou’reheretohelphim?YouhavethisamazingjobwaitingforyouinChicago,andyoufinallyhaveabreakfromrunningandallthepressureyou’vebeendealingwith,andyoucomebackhome?Tohelpamanwhoneverhelpedhimselfnorsteppedupforyou?So,yeah,I’mfuckingworried.I’mworriedyou’llfallforsomedouchedicklikeKlineBarleyandthengiveitalluptostayhereandspendtherestofyourlifetryingtohelpourfather,amanwhodoesn’tdeserveyourtime.Andthenwhatwasitallfor—allourhardworktoletyouhaveachanceatagoodlife,onlytothrowitallaway?”
Mymouthgapedopen.Holyshitballs.Ihadnoideahowdeepthisallranwithhim.
“Achanceatagoodlife?Ihaveagoodlife,Travis.Anditdoesn’tmatterwhetherI’minChicagoorhome.Thatdoesn’tchangethings.Ihavemydegree.ThisisasummerbreakaftergraduatingbecauseI’veneverhadoneinallmyyearsincollegebecauseIwasalwaystraining.AndI’mreallyfreakinghappybeinghomeandseeingmyfriendsandthepeoplethatI’vemissed.It’sthemostrelaxedI’vebeeninalongtime.There’snopressuretoaccomplishanything,nointenseschedule,nothingtoprove.”Iswipedatthetearsrunningdownmycheeks.“TheonlypersonthatIcan’tseemtopleaseisyou,Travis.It’sneverenough.AndIcan’tfeelguiltyforlovingourfatherjustbecauseyoudon’t.That’snotfair.”
“Becauseyou’reallgood,Lila.Youalwayshavebeen.Andthatmanhasbeenthreateningtotakeyoudownwithhimsinceyouwerealittlegirl.Youjustcan’tseeitbecauseyouwanttofixeveryone.Andyou’rewrongaboutnotpleasingme.ThereisnooneinthisworldthatIamprouderofthanyou.Butthat’swhyIdon’tlikeyoubeinghome.Lookwhathappenedwhenyoufirstgothere.Yougothitinthefacebysomeassholethatourfatherrunswith.IfHughhadn’tbeenthere,whoknowswhatwouldhavehappened,”hehissed,andthenlookedawayandshookhishead.“Thesooneryougetbacktoyourreallife,thebetter.”
Ididn’tevenknowwhatmyreallifewasanymore,becauseinallhonesty,Ididn’tthinkI’deverreallystoppedlongenoughtothinkaboutwhatIwantedoutoflife.Whatwouldmakemehappy.
Ishrugged.“AndI’lljustseemynieceornephewonceortwiceayearbecauseyoudon’tlikehavingmearound?”
“Lila,”hesaid,leaningforwardagain,hiseyesfullofempathynow.“IfIcouldmoveShayandmetoChicagotolivenearyou,Iwoulddoittoday.ButIstartedthisbusinessyearsago,andnowtherearealotofpeoplewhorelyonme.ButI’mthinkingmaybewe’llgetacondointhecitynearyousowecanspendafewweeksayearthere.I’veseenhowmuchyou’vehelpedHughwithhisbusiness,soShayandIaretalkingabouthiringsomeonetodothesameformesowecanleavemoreoften,andIwon’thavetoworksomuch.”
He’dstartedhisconstructioncompanyafterhegraduatedfromcollegewhileIwasinhighschool.Mostkidshisagewereouthavingfun,butTravishadgrownupfast,andthathadallbeenforme.
Inodded.“Ithinkthat’sagreatidea.”
“So,haveyoutalkedtoyournewboss?Didyoufindoutanythingmoreaboutthecorporatehousingthey’reofferingyouthefirstyear?”
“Yep.I’llbeheadingupanewdepartment,whichisinsaneandexcitingandalsosuperscary.”Ichuckled,eventhoughthisconversationhadmychestfeelingliketherewasaheavyweightsittingthere.“Andtheysentmesomephotosofthehousing,anditlooksreallynice.There’splentyofroomforyouandShayandthebabytocomestaywithme.It’swalkingdistancetowork,soit’llbereallygood,Trav.Idon’twantyoutoworryaboutme.I’llgobackandburymyselfinwork,andI’llbarelyhavetimetocomehomeforvisits.”Asarcasticchuckleleftmylips,andIdidn’tcare.Itstungthathewantedmetoleavesobadly.
Hesighed.“Justdon’tputallyoureggsinonebasketwithDad,okay?That’sallIask.Andyouhaven’tansweredmeaboutpayingforthisprogram.Whereisthemoneycomingfrom?”
“Theygavehimabreakontheprice,andtheyaregoingtofinancethepayments,”Isaid,reachingformytea.Itwasn’tacompletelie,justanextensionofthetruth.
“I’lltakecareofthose.Idon’twantyouboggeddownwiththat.”
“Thiswasmychoice,andIhavenoregrets.Canyoujustdoonethingforme,please?”
“What?”Hecrossedhisarmsoverhischest.
“CometooneofthefamilymeetingstoseehowDad’sdoing.”
“Hewon’tmakeitthatlong,sosure.I’llagreetocomeattheendoftheprogramifhe’sstillthere.Andwillyoudoonethingforme?”
Iraisedabrow.“What?”
“Justdon’tgettooattachedtobeinghome,becauseyourlifeisbackinChicago,Lila.Promisemeyouwillstickwiththeplan.”
“Yes,Travis.Iwillsticktoyourplan,justlikeIalwayshave.”Irolledmyeyesbecausethiswasridiculous.Hemayhavegoodreasontobeangryandtowanttoprotectme,butbeinganoverbearingassholewasnotnecessary.
“That’sallIneededtohear.AndhowisworkingforHugh?”
Spendingmynightsinhisbed.Showeringwiththemaneveryday.Theendlessorgasms.Thelaughterandthefun.TheSundaynightfamilydinnerswiththeReynolds.Whichthingspecificallywashetalkingabout?
“It’sbeengreat.Ilikeworkingthere,andI’vebeenspendingalotoftimewithhisfamily.Ilovethem.Youknowthat.”
Hesmiled.“There’snoonebetterthanHughandhisfamily.Although,ifyouaskedthefemalepopulationofCottonwoodCove,theymaynotagree.Hugh’sleftawakeofbrokenheartsbehindhim.”Hebarkedoutalaugh,andIdidn’tlikeit.
“Ihaven’tseenhimwithanywomansinceI’vebeenhome,butobviously,I’mstayinginthecasita,soIdon’tknowwhathedoesatnight.”Ikeptmyvoiceeven.
“Ithinkhe’sbeenworkingalot,andhe’stoobusytobeCottonwoodCove’sbiggestplayboythesedays.”Hechuckled.“Braxhasbeengoingoutsolowithouthiswingman,andit’snotgoingsowell.Willhehiresomeoneinyourplaceafteryouleave,seeingasyou’vehelpedhimsomuch?”
ThethoughtofleavingandnotseeingHugheverydaymadealumpforminmythroat.
“I’msureBraxwillsurvive.Idon’tknowwhatHughwilldowhenIleave.He’shiredmorestafftheselastfewweeks,andthathastakenalotofpressureoffhim.So,ifwegetthingssetupright,Idon’tthinkhe’llneedsomeonelikemeanymore,unlesshecontinuestoexpandtothecity.Thenhe’ddefinitelyneedmorehelp.”
Henodded.“You’vebeengoodforhim.Exactlywhatheneeded.”
Andhe’dbeenexactlywhatIneededtwenty-threeHugh
Theweekshadnevermovedasfastastheywerenow.Probablybecause,forthefirsttimeinmylife,Iwantedtimetostandstill.Butherewewere,thefirstofAugust,whichmeantIhadonemonthleftwithLila.I’dneverspentthismuchtimewithawomanbefore,hell,withanyone—includingmysiblings
Weworkedtogether.
Welivedtogether.
Weplayedtogether.
Andgoddamn,didweplaywelltogether.
Icouldn’tgetenough.WhatarethefuckingchancesthattheonetimeIdon’ttireofsomeone,theonetimeI’mnotfeelingitchyandrunningforthehillsbecauseit’stoomuchtogetherness,it’swiththeonewomanIcan’thave.
Imean,Ihaveher,butnotreally.She’snotstaying,andwebothknowit.Nottomentionthehurdleofherbrother,whichwouldbeabigone,andcouldcostmethebestfriendI’veeverhad.ButI’driskitallforher.Thatwasthesick,twistedthing—shewasworththerisk,andthatwaswhyIwaswhereIwasnow.
Iwonderedifthere’dbeensometruthtoherwordswhenshe’dcalledmeacowardwhenI’dtriedlikehelltokeepmydistance.Iwasn’tamanwhogaveashitwhatothersthoughtnormally.Yes,Traviswasdifferent,butI’dtakewhateverwrathhewantedtothrowatmewhenitcametoLila.Hewasn’tthereasonIwasholdingback.
Notanymore.
Therewasalotmoretoconsider,likeherhappiness.Shehadahugejobwaitingforher,andshewasexcitedaboutit.IfIwasn’ttetheredtothistownwiththreerestaurants,I’dtalkaboutmakingthemovewithher.Thatwashowall-inIwas.Butthatwasn’tapossibility,andI’dneverholdherbackfrompursuingherdreams.
Andtheyweren’there.
So,I’djustenjoythetimeIhadwithher,andI’dgetoveritwhensheleft,becausethatwasthedeal.
WhothehellknewifIwasevencapableofbeingthekindofmanshedeserved.I’dneverdoneitbefore,sowhythehellwouldIthinkIcoulddoitnow?
I’dgonewithLilatovisitherfatherthismorning,andI’dbeensurprisedwhensheaskedmetocomeinside.He’dmadeitforthirtydaysandwasonemonthintotheprogram,whichLilawasveryproudof.I’dgonewithhertosupporther.Ihadn’tplannedonbeingpartofthefamilytherapysession.I’dbeenraisedbyatherapist,soIwasn’tcompletelycluelessastowhatalltookplaceinasession.Butholyshit—ithadbeenreallyheavy,andIwasfuckinggladthatI’dgonewithher.Andnowweweresittinginmybathtub,soakinginhotwater,becausethiswaswhatIdidnow.ItookbathswithLilaalmostdaily,andIfuckinglikedit.She’dbeenquietsincewe’dgottenhome.
“Youallright?”
“Yeah.Thatwasalot,huh?I’msorryIdraggedyouintothat.Ididn’tknowhewasgoingtoopenupsomuch,”shesaid,hervoicesoftandsleepy.
“Ididn’tmind.ButI’msureitwasalottoprocess.”Myarmswerewrappedaroundher,myhandsrestingonherstomach.Shetracedalongmyforearmwithherfingers.
“Ididn’tknowheblamedhimselfformymother’sdeath,Bear.That’saheavyweightforsomeonetocarry,youknow?”shewhispered.
TateJameshadopenedupthatheandhiswifehadfoughtthenightofheraccidentbecausehe’dgottendrunk,andthey’dneededsomegroceriessoshecouldmakedinnerforthekids.So,she’dgonetothestoreaftershoutingathimaboutbeingtoodrunktohelpher.Andshe’dbeenatthewrongplaceatthewrongtime.Ateenagerhadrunaredlightandhitherwhilemakingaleftturnintothegrocerystore.
Tatehadbrokendownandsobbedasherelivedthatnight,andIheldLila’shandandsatbesideher.He’dtalkedabouthowhe’dgoneintoadarkplaceafterthat,moredrinking,whichledtohimfallingoffaladderatworkandhurtinghisback.Thatstartedthecycleofhisaddictionwithpainkillersandalcoholandthedestructionthatfollowed.
“He’dnevertoldyouthatbefore?”Iasked,herheadtippingbackandsettlinginthecrookofmynecklikeitalwaysdid.Likeshewasmadeformethewayhercurvesfitalongallmyhardedgessoeasily.
“No.We’venevertalkedaboutmymama’saccident.AndIknowitdoesn’tfixallthemistakesthathe’smade,butatleastitexplainshowandwhyhelosthimself.”
“Itdoes.Andmaybetalkingaboutitwillhelphimtoheal.”
“Helooksalotbetter,doesn’the?”sheasked.
“Hedoes.”Itwasthetruth.Therewascolorbackinhischeeks,andhe’dputonsomemuch-neededweight.
“Ithinknomatterwhathappenstomydad,thiswasagooddecision.I’mnotcluelesslikeTravisthinksIam.Iknowthepercentageofsuccessintheseprogramsisn’toffthecharts.Butnotdoinganythingmeansyouhavezerochanceofgettingbetter.Ithinkit’sworthatry,andit’sthefirsttimehe’severopenedup,sothatfeelslikeprogress.”
“Itdoes,”IsaidasIturnedmyhandsoverandintertwinedmyfingerswithhers.“Youhavesuchafuckinggoodheart,Snow.”
“Saysthemanwhodrovemethereandsatthroughthatpainfulsessionholdingmyhand.Themanwhosecretlyboughtmycartopaythedepositformyfather’sprogram.Themanwhotreatshisemployeeslikegoldandgivesuphisowndreamstotakecareofhisfamily.”
“Youdon’twantmetogetabigheadnow,doyou?”Iteased,butherwordsdidsomethingtome.Ilikedthatsheknewmebetterthanmost.Iwasn’tamanwhosharedalot.Iwasagoodtime,andIlikedtohavefun,butI’dalwaysheldmyfeelingsclosetomychest
“Ithinkyourheadisalreadybig,sothere’snorisk.”Shechuckled,andInippedatherear.
“That’strue.So,we’vegotthefairalldaytomorrow.Areyouupforit?”
“Ofcourse.I’mlookingforwardtoit.God,IusedtobarelysleepthenightbeforetheCottonwoodCovefair.Plus,it’llbefuntomeetallthekidsonthecross-countryteamandtalktothem,too.And,I’montheschedule,thoughI’veheardmybossisabitofasoftyforsomeofhisemployees.”
Ileaneddown,andmytonguesnakedoutandtraileddownherneck,andsheshivered.“Oh,yeah?Doyouknowwhichemployeesinparticularhe’ssoftfor?BecauseIcanthinkofonethathe’sreallyhardfor.”
Shelaughed,andherheadtippedback,givingmebetteraccesstohermouthasshewiggledherassagainstmyerection.“Haveyoueverdoneitinabathtub?”
“Well,seeingasyou’rethefirstwomanI’vetakenabathwith,that’sano.It’skindofchallengingtomoveinhere.”Myhandstraveledupherstomachandcoveredhertwoperfectbreasts.“Andwedon’thaveacondom.”
“ItoldyouIgotonthepilllastmonth.I’veobviouslyneverbeenwithanyonebefore,andyousaidyou’veneverbeenwithawomanwithoutacondom.Howaboutyouletmebeyourfirst?”
ThethoughtofbeinginsideLilawithoutsomethingbetweenuswasnotoneIhadn’tthoughtaboutamilliontimesoverthelastfewweeks.
“Yousureaboutthis?”Iasked,myvoicegruff.
“AssureasIamaboutyou,Bear,”shesaid,hervoiceallbreathyandsexyashell.Shepushedupandpositionedherselfrightoverthetipofmydickandslowlymoveddown,takingmeinoneinchatatime.Shefeltfuckingamazing.“AndIcandoallthemovingforbothofus.”
Ididn’tknowwhenithappened—whenI’dfallencompletelyinlovewiththiswoman,butithadhappened.I’dfinallyexperiencedwhatmyfatherhadalwaystalkedabout.WhatmybrothersandIhadteasedhimaboutforyears.Itwasn’tthatthehaironmyarmsstoodonedgelikewhathadhappenedtomyfather,orthatIknewIwouldmarryLilaJames.
ItwasarepeatedclaritythatIexperienceddayafterdaywiththiswoman.Myheartnolongerbelongedtome.Itwashers.Nooneelsewouldeverhaveit—thatIwascertainof.
ButIdidn’tknowwhatthefuckthatevenmeant.
Iwasnotarelationshipguy.Iknewit.Sheknewit.Herbrotherknewit.
ThisfeltlikethemostintenserelationshipI’deverhad,andithadonlybeenafewweeks.Longerifyoucountedthetimethatweweren’thavingsex,butstill,whatdidthatsayaboutme?ChancesthatI’dfuckitupwerestrong.
Weweregoodfriendswhowereattractedtooneanother.She’dsaiditherself.
Ofcourse,Ilovedher.Hell,Iprobablyalwayshad.I’djustnevergottentospendsomuchtimewithher.
ShehadanamazingopportunitywaitingforherinChicago,andIwoulddiebeforeI’deverholdherback.So,I’denjoythistimewithher.ItwasmorethanIdeserved,andIwasgratefulforit.
Shegrippedthesidesofthetubandmovedherbody,controllingthepaceassherodemeslowlyatfirst,slidingupanddownmycockoverandoverandbringingmejusttotheedgebeforeshe’dstartitallagain.
Igrippedherhipwithonehand,andtheothersettledonherclit.Itookcontrol,andshechuckled.
Faster.
Harder.
Thewatersplashedoutofthetubandspilledontothefloor.
Littlegaspsescapedhersweetmouth,andsheturnedherhead,waitingformetokissherashernailsdugintomyarms.Sheneverfellapartnowuntilmymouthwasonhers.Likesheneededthatconnectionbeforesheletherselfgo,andIfuckinglovedit.
Ikissedherhard,andshecriedoutmynameagainstmylips.
AndIthrustintoheronemoretimebeforefollowingherrightovertheedge.
BecauseI’dfollowthisgirlanywhereshewantedtotakeme.
***
CottonwoodCovefairwasclearlyLila’sfavoritethingintheworld,butitsureasfuckwasn’tmine.Everyoneintownwashere.Kidswereallsugaredupandshouting,andI’dwitnessedoneepicmeltdownfromDonnyWelby’sfive-year-oldsonwhenhedidn’tgivehimthebucktogolethimtrytowinagoldfish.IwasgladthekidmadeascenebecauseDonnyhadstiffedoneofmyserverslastweek,anditwasn’tthefirsttime.Thecheapbastardcouldstandtoeatalittlehumblefuckingpie.
We’dbeenhustlingforthelastfewhours,tryingtokeepupwiththerapidfoodorderscomingin.Klineandthreeofouremployeeswererunningourboothandgettingoutplatesofthebestribsintowntoasmanypeopleaspossible.DanielleandBrandywereholdingdownthefortattherestaurant,butwithalmosteveryoneintownhere,wewouldn’tgetmuchtrafficthere.
“Go,”Klinesaid,asheelbowedmeintheside.“Thingshavesloweddownenough.We’vegotthis.”
Igavehimaquestioninggazeandclearedmythroat.“Notsurewhatyou’retalkingabout.”
“Dude,youdon’talwayshavetobesuchacoolcat.You’redyingtogoseehowit’sgoingoverthereforLila.We’regood.”
Iglancedaroundtoseethatthingshaddrasticallyslowed,andourlinewasundercontrol,aseveryonehadtheirfoodnow,andtheywereplayinggamesandstandinginlinetogoonrides.
Inodded.“Thanks.”
OnmywaytoseeLila,IfoundmymotherstandingwithlittleGracie,laughingherassoffatmyfather,whowasshootingbasketballafterbasketballfromthefurthestdistance,andhedidn’tseemtobegettingevenclosetothenet.Icameupbehindthemandscoopedupmynieceandkissedheronthecheek.I’dalreadyseenthematmyboothseveraltimes,butGraciealwaysgotexcitednomatterhowoftenshesawme.Shereachedforthebillofmybaseballcapandtippeditupbeforerubbinghernoseagainstmine.I’dwornahattodaybecauseitwashotashellout,andatleastitkeptmyfaceshaded.“Hey,sweetgirl.Iseetheoldman’salittlerusty.”
“I’mtryingtowinthedamngiraffeforGracie.”Myfatherturnedtomeandhandedmeaball.“FortheloveofGod,pleasejustgetoneinsowecangogetsomeicecream.”
IsetGraciedown,tooktheball,andbouncedittwicebeforepullingbackandtakingmyshot.
Itswooshedinthenet,andGraciesquealed.
Mydadfist-bumpedme.“Ioweyouone.”
“Where’sCage?”
“Onadate,”mymotherwhisperedwitharaisedbrow.Cagedidn’tgooutoften,andIhighlydoubtedthatthiswasmorethanahookupbecausehedidn’twanttocomplicateGracie’slife,eventhoughwe’dalltoldhimrepeatedlythathestilldeservedtohavealifeofhisown.Buteveryonceinawhile,heaskedmymomtowatchherandclaimedhewasgoingonadate,whichIguessedwasmoreofabootycall.
“Goodforhim.”
“WesawLila.Everyonewasgatheredaroundlisteningtohertalkaboutherjourney.Thosekidsareallinaweofher.Theywanthertocomeoutandrunwiththem.Shereallyshouldthinkaboutcoaching.She’ssuchanaturalwiththekids,”mymothersaid,andmyfatheragreed.
“She’sgotahugejobshe’sleavingforsoon.Idon’tseecoachinginherfuture.”IwatchedasMandySlaterhandedGraciethegiganticstuffedanimalandthenbattedherlashesatme.
“Hey,Hugh,”shepurred,anditwashardnottolaugh.Thegirlwasmaybefifteenyearsold,buteverytimeshecametotherestaurantwithherparents,shewentoutofherwaytosayhitome.
“Hello,Mandy,”Isaid,myvoicefirm,makingitclearIwasn’tinterestedinafuckingteenager.
Itonlymadehergigglemorebeforeshewavedandranofftothenextcustomer.
“Growlingatthemdoesn’tseemtomakethemlikeyouanyless,”mymothersaidwithalaugh.
“He’salwaysbeenaladymagnet,”myfatherchirped,andIrolledmyeyes.
“What’saladymagnet?”Gracieasked,andIshookmyheadasIstartedwalkingbackwardtowardthecross-countrybooth.
“GoodluckexplainingthatonetoCage.I’mgoingtocheckonLila.”Iheldmyhandovermyheadbeforeturningandjoggingofftofindher.
LikeIcouldn’twaitanotherfuckingminute.
WhenIapproachedthebooththatCoachLewishadreservedforhisteam,IsawLilastandingbesidehiminfrontofthegroupaskidsfiredoffquestionsforher.Traviswasstandingthere,leaningagainstawhitewoodenfencebesidetheirbooth.Therewereprobablyagoodfortypeoplethere,sittingatthetablesandeatingcakewhilemostofthekidsweresittingonthegrassinfrontofLilaandtheircoach.
Del,Sloane,andRinaweresittingatatablesippingontheirredSolocupsandwatchingtheirbestfriend.
“Hey,”IsaidasIclappedhimontheback.“How’sshedoing?”
“Man,sometimesIforgetthatshe’sagrown-up.”Hechuckledasheturnedtogivemeoneofthosehalf-brohugs.“Listeningtohertalkabouttheworksheputintogetwhereshedid,thestrugglewhiletryingtobalanceherclasswork,andmostofall,theamountofpressureshedealtwithleadinguptonationals.Shenevercomplained,youknow?”
“Yeah,that’snotreallyhershtick,right?She’stough.That’swhatIkeeptellingyou.Youdon’tneedtoworrysomuch.”Iwatchedasherheadtippedbackinlaughterwhenoneofthehighschooldudesaskedifshewassingle.Hewaslookingatherlikeshewasthemostbeautifulwomanhe’deverseen—andhe’dbefuckingright.
Mine.
ThepossessivenessIfeltoverthiswomanstartledmeattimes.I’dneverbeenthatguy.Neverneededtoclaimanyoneasmyown.
Untilnow.
AndIwantedtofuckingclaimher.
Ineededtofigurethisshitout.
Sheglancedoverjustthen,hergazelockingwithminebeforeitmovedtoherbrotherandthenbacktothepeoplesittinginfrontofher.“I’mjusthereforthesummerbeforeIheadbacktoChicago,soI’msingleandplantostaythatway.”
Ouch.Whydidthatsting?We’dkepteverythingasecret,whichhadbeenmychoice.WhatthefuckdidIexpecthertosay?
Andwehadn’tputalabelonwhatwehad.
Also,mychoice.
“Didshetellyouthattheguywhohiredher,JosephSchneider,calledheragain?Dude,they’rebuildingawholeteamaroundher.Canyouimaginethat?Beingthatsmartthatabigcompanyismakingadepartmentthatyou’regoingtorun?Fuck,I’mproudofher.”
Iknewshehadabigjob.Ididn’tknowtheywerebuildingawholeteamaroundher,butitdidn’tsurpriseme.She’dcompletelyturnedmybusinessaroundinthefewmonthsshe’dbeenhome.
She’dcompletelyturnedmyentirelifearound,too.
“That’samazing.She’sfuckingbrilliant,”Isaid,myeyesnotleavingher.
IfyouputmeinthemiddleofTimesSquareonNewYear’sEveandtoldmethatshewasthere,IsweartofuckingGod,I’dfindherwithinseconds.Ialwaysfoundher.Likeshewascallingtomefromwherevershewas.
“Yeah.Asidefromherbeingsoinvestedintherehabprogram.”Heshookhishead,andIpushedtostandandturnedtohim.
“She’shereforonemoremonth.Youshouldgetyourassdownthereandsupporthim,”Isaid,puttingmyhandsupwhenhismouthgapedopentostophimfrominterrupting.“Itwouldmeanafuckinglottoyoursister.He’sdoingwell,dude.I’vebeenthere.I’veseenit.AndLilawantsyoutositinononeofthosefamilymeetings.Howaboutyouputyourprideasideanddoitforyourfuckingsister,becausesheputseveryonefirst,includingyou.”
Hiseyeswidenedwithsurprise,butitneededtobesaid.InsteadoffightingmelikeIthoughthewould,hestaredforalongminutebeforenodding.“You’reright.Ishoulddoitforher.And,I’vegottoadmit,Ineverthoughthe’dstayintherethislong.Iimaginedhimsneakingawayandherbeingdevastated.”
“Maybeyou’veunderestimatedbothofthem,”Isaid,turningbacktowatchherassomeoneinquiredaboutherplansaftershegoesbacktoChicago.Travisshiftedtohearheranswer,aswell.
“I’mactuallysadtobeleavingifI’mbeinghonest.It’sbeenreallynicebeinghome.Andforthoseofyouwhohaven’tbeentoReynolds’,whichI’msureisnoone,”shesaidwithachuckle,andtheyalllaughed.“It’sthebestfoodintown,andI’velovedworkingthereandspendingtimewithfamilyandfriends.”
Herthreebestfriendshowledfromtheback,andtherewasmorelaughter.
“So,we’llseehowitgoes.Ilovethecity,butit’snotreallyhome.”Sheshrugged.“ButworkwillkeepmesobusythatIwon’thavetimetogethomesick.”
Sheleftitatthat,andIglancedovertoseeTravislisteningintently,hiseyesnarrowedasheranahanddownthebackofhisneck.Shaywalkedupjustthenwithtwogiantchurros,andshepausedandgavemeahug.
“Lookatyou.You’restartingtoshowalittle,”Isaid,reachingoverforthechurroshe’djusthandedherhusbandandtearingthetopoffandtakingabite.Hedidn’tevenflinch.
“Yeah.Iliterallyjustwokeuptwodaysagowithabelly.”Shesmiled.
Ahandclappedmehardontheshoulder,andIturnedtoseeBraxstandingthere.“What’sup,boys?Oh,Iseewe’rewatchingthelovelyLila,aren’twe?”
“Putyoureyesbackinyourhead,dicklicker,”TravissnarledbeforeShay’ssisterwalkedover,andheandShayturnedtotalktoher.
“Yeah.Whathesaid.”IsmirkedasIcontinuedwatchingLila.
“Well,then…Iguessit’stoolateforyoutoputyoureyesbackinyourhead,”hesaid,leaninginclosesonoonecouldhear.
Ididn’tfighthimorhaveawittycomeback.
Becausehewasright.
Itwastoolateforme.twenty-fourLila
Thelasttwoweekshadflownby.I’dalwaysbeenoneofthosepeoplewholookedforwardtothenextthing.PuttingbigredXmarksonmycalendardaystomarkanotherdaypassed.Anotherdayclosertoagoal
Acertainrace.
Acertaintest.
Acertainhurdletogetover.
Hell,I’devenmadealisttocheckoffduringmysummerhome.Which,bytheway,I’dattackedsaidlistandneverevenlookedatitmuchanymore.Because,forthefirsttimeinmylife,Iwasn’tcheckingoffdaysorgoalsbecauseIwasactuallyliving.Andhavingthebesttimedoingit.Ireachedintomynightstanddrawerandpulledoutmynotebook,staringatallthethingsI’dcheckedoffsincethebeginningofsummer.Ihadn’treallytoldoffDrewCompton,butI’dignoredherwhenshepretendedthatwewerefriendswhenshe’drunintomeandHughhavingdinneratthebaratReynolds’onenight.Andnotgivingherthetimeofdayfeltjustasgoodastellingheroff,soDelagreedwecouldcheckthatoneoffthelist.Istaredateachthing,realizingtherewasn’tanythingmoreIwantedatthispoint.
Well,asidefromonething.
TheonethingIknewIshouldn’tputonthelistbecauseaccomplishingitwouldn’thelpanyone,includingme.
ButIcouldn’tstopmyself.
#13.TellHughReynoldsthatIlovehim.Notafriendshipkindoflove.ThatI-can’t-live-without-you,people-write-poetry-aboutkindoflove.Therealdeal.
BecausewhenIwasn’twithHugh,Imissedhim.
WhenwewereatReynolds’together,andhewasdowninhisofficeandIwasupstairs,Imissedhim.
AndthinkingaboutleavinghimmademefeellikeIcouldn’tbreathe.
Iwroteitdownandtuckedmynotebookbackintomynightstand.Iwasn’tgoingtoactonit.Hell,he’dprobablyfreakout.Ourrelationshipwasasecretbecausehecaredmoreaboutwhatmybrotherthoughtthanhecaredaboutwhatwashappeningbetweenus.
Andthatwasthegreatremindertokeepmyheadonstraightandjustenjoyitwhileitlasted,becausewewerejusthavingfun.
Fallinginlovewithhimwaswhathe’dfearedwouldhappen,right?Hedidn’twantanyofthis,andI’dpushedforit.Iknewheenjoyedspendinghissummerwithmebecausehealwayswantedmewithhim,textingandcallingwhenI’dleavetherestauranttodoanerrand.Butmaybethiswasmereadingintothings.HughwasmyfirstloveandthefirstmanI’dhadsexwith.IwasprobablyfeelingallthesethingsbecauseIwasmixingupsexandlove.Theyweren’tthesame.Hughenjoyedhavingsexwithme.Andsure,helovedmelikeafriend,butthatwasnothowIlovedhim.
IshookitoffbecauseIwasjustthinkingtoomuchlately.Timewasclosinginonme,anditwasforcingallthesefeelingstothesurface.Igrabbedmykeysandheadedtomycar.Hughwasalreadyattherestaurantthismorning,butIhadatherapysessionwithhismother,andthenIwasdrivingouttopickupmyfatherfromrehab.He’dcompletedthein-houseportionoftheprograminsixweeksandseemedlikeanewman.Todaywasabigdayforhim.He’dbecominghome.He’dcontinuetoattendmeetingsandfollowtheprogram,buthewouldbedoingitfromhisownhome.
IparkedinthelotbesideAlana’sofficeandpoppedinnextdooratCupofCovetogetuseachanicedteaandapastry,likeIdideachtimeImetwithher.ItwastheleastIcoulddoasshe’dinsistedIkeepcomingbackwhileIwashome,nottomentiontheendlessSundaynightdinnersI’dattendedeveryweeksinceI’dbeeninCottonwood.
“Ah…thankyouforthis.Iwascravingasconethismorning,andyousomehowreadmymind,”Alanasaid,takingthedrinkandthelittlewhitebagfrommeafterIwalkedin.
Isatdowninthechairacrossfromherandsetmyicedteaandsconeonthelittlesidetable.
“Ofcourse.Thanksforalwaysmakingtimeforme.”
“Honey,Iwillalwaysmaketimeforyou.”Shesmiledandpulledouthernotebook.“Talkingtoyouhasbeensorefreshingforme.Thewayyou’resoopentotryingthingsanddelvingintoyourfeelings.You’reatherapist’sdream.”Shechuckled.
Ilaughed.Wetalkedabouteverything,outsideofmyfeelingsforherson.SheknewIwasseeingsomeone,andshesaidshedidn’tneedtoknowwhoitwas.I’djustsaidthatIwashappy.Thatwewerehavingalotoffun.Butmostly,wetalkedaboutmydadandmybrotherandallthetensionthatlivedbetweenthem.
“Well,it’sbeensoamazinggettingtospendthistimewithyou.”
Shesmiled,staringatmeforalongmomentandnodding.“So,todayisabigday.Butfirst,Iwanttotalkaboutwhathappenedthispastweekend.Traviswenttothefinalfamilysession,right?”sheasked.
I’dseenAlanaonSundaynightatdinner,andsheneverbroughtupanythingoutsideofthisofficethatwetalkedabouthere.She’dmadeitknownthatIcouldcallhernightordayifIneededtotalk,butthatshewouldneverputmeinanuncomfortablepositionandaskanythingwhenweweren’tinasession.
“Yep.Itwasprettyamazing,”IsaidwithalongsighasIclaspedmyhandstogether.“Myfathertalkedabouttheguilthecarriedaroundmymother’saccident.Abouthisyearsofnumbinghimselfanywayhecould.AndTravisdidn’tblowup.Hejustlistened.”
“Wow.That’sprogress.Didhetellyourfatherhowhefelt?Aboutallthatbottled-upanger?”
“Yes.Anditwaspainful.Relivingthattimewhenwewereseparatedforthosefewweeks,theangerhefeltabouthavingtogrowupwaytoofast,abouttakingonapaternalrolewithmeandhowmyfatherallowedit.”Iswipedatthesingletearcomingdownmycheek.I’dlearnedthissummerthatyoucan’tburythingsthatyoudon’twanttothinkabout.Andeventhoughit’spainfultounpackitall,it’snecessary.It’stheonlywaytogetpastit.
“Thatcouldn’thavebeeneasytohearforeitherofyou,”shesaid.
“Iwasactuallyrelievedtohavehimfinallysayitbecausehe’ssodamnangryallthetime.AndIdon’twantthatforhim.Hehasanewbabycominginafewmonths;heshouldbefocusingonthejoyinhislife.So,lettingitalloutseemedlikeithelped.Icouldphysicallyseehisshouldersrelaxafterhe’dsaidit.AndDadlistened,andhecried,andheapologized.Hesaidhe’dlosthiswife,andhe’dbeenbroken.Hemadeitclearthatitwasn’tanexcuse,butitwasthetruth.”Isniffedafewtimes,andshehandedmesometissue,andIdidn’tmissthewayshedabbedatherowneyeswithatissueofherown.
“Griefisnobody’sfriend,”shesaidwithashrug.“Andeveryonehandlesitdifferently.Butyourfatheristrying,andthathastocountforsomethingwithTravis.Sixweeksyourfatherstayedinthereandfacedallthesethingshe’dbeenrunningfrom.Howdoyoufeelabouthimgettingouttoday?WhenwillhestartworkingatRoddy’sAutoShop?”
HughhadcalledinafavorandgottenhimajobbecausethatwasjustwhoHughwas.Roddylikedmyfather,sohewashappytohelpout.Thingswerefallingintoplace.
“Yeah,thankstoHugh,he’sgotajobtogoto.Somethingtofocuson.Hestartsworktomorrow,actually.I’mreadytoseehowhedoes.Iconsideredmovingbackinwithhim,butheandhisdoctorsthinkitwillbegoodforhimtogetintoaroutine,andseeingasIwon’tbehereintwoweeks,it’seasiertolethimgetadjustedtothingsonhisown.”IfeltguiltythatIwasrelievedthatnoonethoughtIneededtomovebackintoDad’shouse.IwasashamedtosaythatIwantedtosavoreverylastdaythatIhadwithHugh.
“Andhowdoyoufeelaboutleaving?It’sgettingclose.Andyou’vegottenquiteattachedtotheguyyou’vebeenspendingtimewith,right?”
Didsheknowitwasherson?She’dneverpushed.AndIhadn’tsaidmuchabouthowImethim,justthatIhadsomeonespecialIwascasuallyseeing.
“I’mnotfeelingthewayIthoughtIwould,tobehonest.”Ishrugged.
“Meaning?”
“IthoughtI’dbeready.Maybeevenexcited.Imean,Josephhasliterallybuiltthisteamaroundme,andthat’sthrillinginamillionways.ButitalsofeelslikeapartofmylifethatIleftbehindwhenIcamehome.ThepartthatIdon’tmissmuch.Thestressandthepressure.I’mgoingtobeunderamicroscopethere,andI’llhavealottoprove.Andbeinghere,Ijustgettobe…me.NoonecareswhatIaccomplisheveryday.Imean,HughissoencouragingandsoimpressedeverytimeIcomeupwithanideatoincreaserevenue,”Isaidwithachuckle.“Andwe’vebeentalkingsomuchabouthimexpandingtothecityandallthewaystomakethatwork.Butit’snotpressure;it’sexcitingandinspiring.Idon’tknow,Isortoflikebuildingsomethingandnotsittingbehindadeskallday,staringatacomputerscreen.Therestaurantisfun.IjumpinwhereverI’mneeded,andfriendscomeby,anditjustsortoffeelslike…I’mliving,whichprobablysoundscrazy.”
“Itdoesn’tsoundcrazy.Yourlifehereisverydifferentfromwhatitwillbethere.Hughtoldmeyouguystooktheboatoutlastnight.It’sprobablyslowerandmorepeacefulforyouhere,andIgetthat.”
Ifeltmyfaceheatatherwords,wonderingifshecouldreadmymindasIthoughtbacktowhatHughandIhaddoneonhisboatlastnight.Thatwe’dgrabbedtakeoutfromtherestaurantandeatenoutonthewater.AndI’dendedupclimbingonhislapandhavingsexwithhimrightthereunderthemoon.Diditgetanyhotterthanthat?
“Yes,wedid.Lifeisjustsodifferenthere,youknow?Iruninthemorningsoutinnatureandnotonatreadmill.Ihaveafairlyflexiblescheduleatwork,butweworkhard,andIfeelgoodaboutwhatI’veaccomplishedattheendoftheday.AndIlookforwardtodinnerwithmy—er,guyfriend,”Isaidawkwardly.“AndIthinkmyfeelingshavegrownstrongerforhimthanI’dplanned,butI’llbeokaywhenIgetbacktomyreallife.Iguess,thebottomlineisthatmylifeisprettyfullhere.It’snotjustaboutmyjoborhowmuchmoneyI’mmakingorchasinganything,I’vejustbeenreallyhappy,andIdon’tknowthatI’veeverreallyexperiencedthatbeforenow.”
“Well,Ithinkyouhitthenailontheheadwhenyousaidit.You’rejustlivingnow.Anditfeelsgood.Butifyouaren’thappywhenyougetbacktoChicago,andifyoufindthatyouenjoyworkingtolivemorethanlivingtowork,well,youcanchangewhatyou’redoing.Andifyourfeelingshavegrownwiththeguyyou’reseeing,it’sokaytotellhimthat.That’sthethingaboutlife—therereallyaren’tanyrulesasidefromtryingtobeagoodhuman.”Shechuckled.“Buteveryoneisallowedtofindtheirownpath.Andyou’vejustbeenonthesameoneforsolongthatIthinkjumpingoffforalittlebithasbeenreallygoodforyou.”
“Ineverthoughtaboutitlikethat.ButIlikethesoundofit.Thenewmecouldstandtobealittlemoreflexible,”Isaidwithalaugh.
“So,doyouthinkyou’lltalktothisguyaboutyourfeelings?”
“It’salittletrickybecausewesortofhadadeal,youknow?Thiswasjustatemporarything.We’dhavefun.Idon’tthinkhe’sfeelingthesamewayasIam,andIdon’twanttopressurehim.Hestucktohisendoftheagreement.I’mprobablyromanticizingthingsbecausewehavealotoffuntogether.Imean,Idon’tseehimallthatmuch,”Isaid,quicklytryingtocovermytrackssoshedidn’tknowthatIwastalkingaboutHughbecauseeveryoneknewwespentalotoftimetogether.“ButthetimeIdogettoseehimisprettyspecial.”
Shestudiedmeforamomentasshetappedherfingertoherlipsafewtimes.Itwassomethingshealwaysdidwhensheponderedmywords.“Isee.Whydon’tyouthinkhefeelsthesamewayaboutyou?”
Becausehe’stheonewhowantedtokeepitasecretfrommybrother.AndifhefeltaboutmethewaythatIfeelabouthim,hewouldjusttellTravis.Consequencesbedamned.
“He’snotreallyarelationshipguy.”Ishrugged.
Shechuckled.“Neitherwasmyhusbandwhenwemet.Buthesurechangedhismindquickly.”
IlovedhoweasyitwastotalktoAlana.“Hesuredid.I’msogratefulforallthetimeyou’vemadeforme.I’mgoingtomissourtalks.”
“Well,Iplantoseeyouafewmoretimesherebeforeyouleave.Iwanttobeasafeplaceforyoutotalkabouthowitiswithyourfatherpostrehab.HowthingsaregoingwithTravisonceyourdadisbackhome.Andhowthingsgosayinggoodbyetoeveryone.”Shesmiledatme,hereyesalittlewetwithemotion.Iwonderedifthiswaswhatitfeltliketohaveamother.Someonewhojustcaredsomuchaboutyourfeelings.Ifeltsuchaconnectiontothiswoman.“But,thegoodthingaboutmoderntechnologyisthatoursessionsdon’tneedtoend.IhaveafewclientsthatItalktoviaZoomeveryweek.HowaboutyouandIdon’tsaygoodbye?Wouldyoubeokaywiththat?”
Ipushedtomyfeetandwalkedtowardherjustasshestood.Iheldupmyarmsandhuggedhertight.“I’dlikethatsomuch.”
Herarmswrappedaroundme,andsheheldmethereforalittlelongerthanusual.“Iwould,too,sweetheart.”
WhenIpulledaway,webothlaughedathowweepywewere.“I’mnotevenleavingfortwoweeks.”
“Iknow.”Shechuckledassheswipedathercheeks.“I’vejustreallyenjoyedgettingtospendsomuchtimewithyouthissummer.IknowthatHughisgoingtomissyouterribly.”
Isuckedinalittlebreath,caughtoffguardbythementionofhim.IwasalwayssocautiousofhowmuchIspokeofhimwhenIwasheresoshewouldn’tknowwhatwasgoingonbetweenus.ButIneverheldbackaboutgushingaboutthemanthatIwasseeing.
“Oh,IthinkHughwillbejustfine,”Isaid,asIclearedmythroat.
Shejustnoddedandsmiled.“I’veneverseenhimsohappyashe’sbeenthissummer.Imean,obviously,you’vehelpedhimatonatwork.ButIthinkhe’senjoyedhavingyoustayatthehousewithhim.”
“Yeah.He’sbeenareallygoodfriendtome.”AndIwasinfreakinglovewiththeman.Ridiculouslyinlove.
“You’vebeenareallygoodfriendtooneanother.”Shesqueezedmyhand.
“Thankyou.I’llseeyouinafewdays.I’mgoingtogopickupmyfathernow.”Iwalkedbackwardtowardthedoor.
“Goodluck,andletmeknowifyouneedtotalk.”
IwavedasIpulledthedooropen.
“Oh,and,Lila,”shecalledout,andIturnedaroundtolookather.
“Yes?”
“Beproudofyourself.Yourfatherhasbattledwithaddictionmostofhisadultlife.Andyoucamehome,didyourresearch,andfoundhimaplacethatcouldhelphim.Andthemanhasstayedcleanandsoberforsixweeks.Probablythelongesthe’severgone.So,takethatin,sweetheart.”
Alumpformedinmythroat,andInoddedbeforelettingthedoorcloseandmakingmywaytotheelevator.Ithoughtaboutwhatshe’dsaidasImoveddowntothegroundfloor.Regardlessofwhathappenednow,he’dtakenthefirststep.Thiswassomethingtobecelebrated.AndIknewinmyheartthathecouldtakethenextstep,too.
Whenthedoorsopened,Iwalkedofftheelevatorandmademywayoutside.Mycarwasparkedinthelot,butnexttoitwasHugh’sredtruck.Hestoodthere,leaningagainstthefrontend,wearingapairofjeansandawhitebuttonup—wrinkled,asalways.Hehadonabaseballcap,andhepulledoffhisaviators,hissage-greeneyesfindingmine.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Iasked,mystomachflippingaroundatjustthesightofhim.
“Kline’sgoingtocoverme.Andseeingasyouhavetheplacerunningsosmoothly,theycansurviveafewhourswithoutme.Ithoughtyoumightnotwanttodothisalonetoday.”
“Oh,yeah?”Iasked,steppingcloser,desperateforhismouthtobeonmine.
Hereachedupandflippedhiscaparound,knowingthatitalwaysdidsomethingtome.Histongueswipedouttowethisplumplips,andIsqueezedmythighstogether.HowinthehellwasIgoingtosurvivewithoutthisman?
“I’vegotyou,Snow.”Heleaneddownandhuggedme.“Comeon.We’llpickupyourcarlater.”
Whenhepulledback,hishandfoundthesmallofmybackasheledmetothepassengersideofhistruck,andhehelpedmeinside.Ididn’tstophimwhenhepulledmyseatbeltacrossmybody.Instead,Ileanedforward,mylipsgrazinghisear.“Areyouplayingdirtytoday,Bear?”
“Always.”Hemovedcloser,hismouthjustabreathfrommine.“Ilikeseeingyougetallworkedup.Plus,Ithoughtyoucouldusethedistractiontoday.”
Hewassexyandthoughtfulatthesametime,whichalwayssurprisedmebecausemostguysIknewwereoneortheother.
ButHughReynoldswasthewholepackage.twenty-fiveHugh
Lilawashavingdinnerwithherdadtonight,ashe’djustgottenhomefromrehab,andshewantedtospendsometimewithhimandgethimsettled.I’dgiventhemtheirspaceafterridingouttoHavenwoodwithheranddroppingthembothathercar,andshedrovethemtohishouse.
Mybrother,Cage,wascomingtoReynolds’tomeetmeforaquickbiteinthirtyminutes,asGraciewashangingoutwithmyparentstonight.So,Iwasdowninmyoffice,finishinguptheschedulefornextweek.Myphonebuzzed,andIlookeddowntoseeamessagefromBrinkleyinthesiblinggrouptext.
Brinkley
KaeranandIbrokeup.Ithoughtyou’dallbethrilledtohearthat.
Finn
DoweneedtohaveHughkickhisass,ordidyoudumphim?
Brinkley
Nodumping.Hewantedtotakethenextstep,andIwasn’tfeelingit.Theweddingwasaneyeopener.Wespentthewholeweekendtogether,andIwasjust…
Boredoutofyourmind?
Cage
Exhaustedfromhavingtoholdtheconversation?
Finn
Desperatetogetaway?
Georgia
Readyforachange?
Brinkley
Stooop.He’sagreatguy.Wejustdidn’thavemuchincommon.
Cage
Becausehe’samajorsnoozefest.You’dhavemoreincommonwitharockthanthatdude.Goodriddance,KAREN!
Brinkley
Notnice.CanwegobacktofocusingourattentiononGeorgie’sboyfriend,whodidn’tattendthewedding?
Oh,youmean,Mr.It’sNotAboutMe,soI’vesuddenlygotamigraine,Diktok?
Finn
Or,Mr.HeShouldBeExtinct,Dikosaurus?
Cage
Howabout,SeeYouLater,Dikonater?
Brinkley
YouDiknotgothere,didyou?
Georgia
Youareallcompletedickheads.Notdik-heads.Realdickheads.HegetsmigrainesbecausehisIQisabnormallyhigh,andhecan’tturnhisbrainoff
Wait.DidDr.Dikdiagnosehimself?
Cage
I’mgoingtoneedtoseesomethinginwriting.WhopossiblydiagnosedhimwithtoohighanIQ?Thedudehasalimitedvocabularyandcanbarelyformacompletesentence.
Finn
Maybeweshouldgethimadik-tionarytohelphimout.
Georgia
Igetit.He’snotyourfavorite.Subjectchange,please.
Brinkley
Whatelseisgoingon?
Georgia
Hughey,whendoesLilaleave?Areyousad?
Finn
IthinkourHugheyisgoingtobeabitdowninthedumps.Iknowthisbecausehe’sneveraroundtohangout.Didn’tinvitemeontheboatlastnightwhenhetookhis“roommate”outforaride.
Ididn’tknowyouwereintown.Ithoughtyouwereinthecity.
Ididknowhewasintown,butIwasn’tgoingtoadmitthatIpurposelydidn’tinvitehim,andIwasfuckinghappyaboutitbecauseLilahadrockedmyworldwhenshe’dclimbedontomylap.Whenweweretogether,nothingelsemattered.
Cage
Icallbullshit.
Brinkley
I’mkindofontheirsideonthisone,Hughey.Seemsalittlesuspicious.
Georgia
Igetit.Iloveher,too.
Noonelovesanyone.Takeitdownanotch,assholes.
Finn
Ohhh…wehitanerve.There’sdefinitelysomethinggoingon.
Cage
I’llgetitoutofhim.I’mhere.Sittingatatablealoneinyourrestaurant,lookinglikeasadsackofshit,andMrs.Runitherismakingcrazyeyesatme.Getyourassuphere.
Comingnow.
Finn
That’swhatshesaid!
Ibarkedoutalaughandslippedmyphoneintomybackpocket,makingmywayupstairsandfindingmybrotherquickly.Unfortunately,theoldhorndog,Mrs.Runither,hurriedovertointerceptmebeforeImadeitthere.
“Hello,Hugh.Thisplaceispacked,asusual.”
“Yep.”IshovedmyhandsintomypocketsbecauseIwasirritatedthatIhadtostandhereandtalktoher.IglancedovertoseeCagewatchingmewithahandoverhismouth,tryingnottolaugh.
“Haveyoufoundyourselfaladyyet?Abig,strappingmanlikeyoushouldn’tbealone,”shepurred,makingeveryattempttobesexy,butappearingdesperate.Andconsideringherage,itwasawkwardasfuckwhenshegrabbedmyhandandstudiedthesizeofit.
Ileanedinclosetowhisperinherear.“I’vetakenavowofcelibacy,youknow,sincetheIrritableBowelSyndromestarted.There’snothingquitelikegettingtheshitsinthethroesofpassion.”
Hereyesdoubledinsize,andshepulledherhandaway.
Thatoughtadoit.
Shewavedatmebeforehurryingbacktohertable.
“Whatthehelldidyousaytoher?”CageaskedwhenIsatintheseatacrossfromhimashetookasipofhisbeer.
“It’samazinghowquicklysomeonewillrunwhenyoutellthemthatyou’vegotabadcaseoftheshits.”Ilaughed.
Daniellecametoourtableandtookourorderbeforewewerealoneagain.Therestaurantwasgoingoff,anditstillcaughtmebysurprisesometimesasalittlepartofmewaswaitingfortheothershoetodrop,anditjustneverhad.
“Onlyyouwouldhavetocomeupwithwaystogetwomentobackoff.”Hesmirked.
“Please.You’vegotplentyofwomenafteryou,”Isaid.“Youneedtogetoutmore,brother.”
Daniellesetmybeerdown,andIthankedherbeforetakingalongpull.
“Idofine.I’vegotGracie,andtheofficeisbusierthanallfucklatelybecauseeveryoneandtheirmotherhassomesortofoddanimalthesedaysthatneedsspecialcare.”
Ichuckled.“MoreBotoxfortheirfour-leggedfriends?”
Heglancedaroundandleanedforward.“Getthis.Mrs.Lappercameinwithachick.Afuckingchick,dude.Andshe’saskingaboutveneersbecauseshethinkstheotherchickshavebetterteeth.IfeellikeI’mbeingpunk’dhalfthetime,andthenIrealizethey’rejustcompletelyinsane.”
ItriedtocontrolmylaughterwhenDaniellesetourplatesdown,andCageandIbothdoveintoourrackofribs.
“Iguessyourjobisasinterestingasmine.YoushouldhearthebullshitexcusesthatIgetwhenemployeescan’tcometowork.Brandy,thehostess,calledinyesterdayandsaidsheneededame-day.Whatthefuckisame-day?Shesaidheranxietywashighbecauseshe’dgottenahaircutanddidn’trecognizeherself.”
Cageglancedupfront,whereBrandystoodbehindthehostessstand.“Isn’tthather?”
“Yes.Shehasrecoveredaftertakingtheme-dayyesterday.”
“Herhairislong.Whatdiditlooklikebefore?”
“Exactlythesame.Sheinformedmethattakingoffahalfaninchofhairthathasbelongedtoherforalongtimeisanemotionalexperience.”Idroppedtheboneontomyplateandsuckedthesauceoffmythumb.
Nowmybrotherwaslaughing,andIlovedtoseeit.Cagehadatonofresponsibility,andhedidn’trelaxallthatoften.
“Fuckingpeople,man.Idon’tgetmostofthem.”
Hewasn’tkidding.Mostpeopleannoyedmybrother,includinghissiblingshalfthetime.
“It’sfine.Lilapickeduptheslack,ofcourse.Shemovedpeoplearound,andwedidn’tevennoticeBrandy’sabsence.”
Hestaredatmeforalongmomentwhilehechewedbeforereachingforhisnapkinandwipinghismouth.“She’sbeenabighelptoyou.Howdoyoufeelaboutherleaving?”
“Shehasbeen.ButIknewthisdaywascoming.There’snosurprisethere.”
“Howaboutthewayyoufeelabouther?Hasthatsurprisedyou?”heasked.
Icouldplayitoffwithmostpeople,butneverwithCage.Thedudecouldtellwhenyouwerebullshittinghimwithouteventrying.He’djustalwaysbeengoodatreadingpeople.
“Sure.Iwasn’texpectingit.”
“Whatareyougoingtodoaboutit?”
“Nothing.She’sleaving.She’sgotagreatjobtogobackto.Plus,whothefuckknowswhereitwouldevengo?I’mnotarelationshipguy.Youknowthat.AndTraviswouldlosehisshit.”Ishookmyheadandreachedformybeer
“Icallbullshit.”
“Shocker,”Isaid,rollingmyeyes
“Firstoff,everyoneseesit,dude.TheonlyreasonTravishasn’tcalledyououtonitisbecausehe’stoofuckingpreoccupiedwithhisownshit.”
“Everyoneseeswhat?”Iranahanddownthebackofmyneck.
“Thewayyoulookather.Thewayshelooksatyou.Youaren’tfoolinganyoneifthat’sthegoal.AndTraviswouldn’tgiveafuckifitwastherealdeal.You’rehisbestfuckingfriend.AnditkillsmetosaythistoyoubecauseIknowthatyou’vealreadygotthewholelong-hair,Grecian-godlookgoingforyourself,andyouregodoesnotneedstroking—butyou’rethebestfuckingguyIknow.Don’ttellFinn.I’vegivenhimthesamepeptalk,soI’dpreferyoudon’tcomparenotes.”
Ibarkedoutalaugh.“Wasthatanactualcompliment?”
“Don’tdeflect.What’syourfuckingstory?WhyareyouusingTravisasanexcuse?What’sholdingyouback?”
Ileanedbackinmychair.Iwasstilltryingtofigureoutshitmyself,andIdidn’tcomehereforatherapysession.ButCagewasastraightshooter,andItrustedhimwithmylife.
“Lilais—she’samazing.She’sgorgeousandsmartandkind.She’sdrivenanddeterminedandloyal.Imean,whatthefuckisn’ttheretoloveabouther?”
Hiseyebrowsroseatmywords.“You’reinlovewithher.”
Itwasn’taquestion;itwasastatement.Idroppedtheribbackontomyplateandwipedmyhands.
“Idon’tknowwhatitis.Butit’ssomething.”
“Youknowwhatitis.Sincewhenareyouacoward?”I’dbeencalledacowardtwiceinmylife—bothtimesinthelastfewmonths.
“I’mnotacoward.I’marealist.IknowwhoIam.Comeon,Cage.Whenwasmylastrelationship?WhydoyouthinkTraviswouldlosehisshit?BecauseheknowsIwillmostlikelyfuckitup.Andit’snotevenanoption.She’sleavingintwoweeks.Theybuiltawholefuckingprogramforhertorun.Ilivehere,withthreerestaurantstorun.Thereareamillionreasonswhyitcan’twork.”
Henodded,hisarmsfoldedoverhischestlikethebroodybastardhewas.“Youonlyneedonereasonforittowork.”
Ishookmyheadandranahanddownmyface.Thecloseritgottoherleaving,themorepanickedIwas.“Yeah?What’sthat?BecauseIliveintherealworld.Whereguyslikemestaysinglebecausethey’redamngoodatit.Aworldwhereyouneedtokeepyourjobsoyoucanpayyourbills.Idon’tliveinafairytale,man.”
Hechuckled,butitwassarcasticinaCagekindofway.“Isureasshitdon’tliveinafairytale,brother.I’mraisingafuckingtoddleronmyown,andsomehow,she’sturnedouttobealittleangel.Ihaven’truinedheryet.Ihavetopencilinsex,whichismyfavoritethingtodooutsideofspendingtimewithGracie,andIhavetocoordinatemysexlifearoundourmother’ssocialcalendar.Sodon’ttalktomeaboutfairytales.You’vegotashotattherealdeal.Iseeitinyoureyes,whetheryouwanttoadmititornot.Andyou’renotgoingtoscrewitup.You’rethemostreliableguyIknow.”
“Lookatmytrackrecord.Iwouldn’thavethefirstcluehowtomakethiswork.”
Hesighedandreachedforhisbeer,takinghissweet-asstimetorespond.Hesettheglassdown.“Newsflash.Noonehasafuckingcluehowtomakeitwork,brother.WhenDadmetMom,he’dneverbeeninarelationship.Theyfigureditoutbecausetheylovedeachother.Nooneknowswhatthey’redoinguntiltheyfindsomeoneworthdoingitwith.”
“Awfullywiseforaguywhohasn’thadanythingseriousinyears.”
“Right.AndIhaveafour-year-olddaughterwhocamefromawomanIspentonenightwith.So,youaren’ttalkingtotheposterchildforrelationships.ButI’vebeeninlove,andIknowwhatitlookslike.”
PresleyDuncan.
Thenameweneverspokeofanymore.Hell,Iwassurprisedhe’dbroughtitup.
“Andwhatdoesitlooklike,olewiseone?”
“Takealookinthefuckingmirror,smartass.”
Ichuckled.“Idon’tevenknowwhatthisisorhowshefeels.Wemadeadeal.We’dhavealittlefunforawhile.Hell,she’sneverbeenwithanyoneelse.Thiscouldjustbehertestingoutthewatersbeforeshefindstherightguy.Ihardlythinkanyonelooksatmeandseesforever.BecauseIsureasfuckneverhave.”
“Untilnow.”Hesmirked.“Listen,I’mheretotellyouthatyou’reluckytofeelitonceinyourlife.WealllovetogiveDadshit,buthe’sright.It’saone-and-donesituationmostofthetime.Iknowthatithappenedtomeatthewrongtime,soIblewmyshot.Butyou’vegotnothingtolose.”
“I’vegoteverythingtolose.IfIfuckitup,Iloseher.Ifshedoesn’tfeelthesamewayasIdo,Iloseher.IfshewantsthisjobinChicagothewayIthinkshedoes,Iloseher.Thereareveryfewscenarioswhereitworksout.SowhyriskmakingitawkwardandpissingoffTravis,puttingLilainanuncomfortablesituationtotellmeshecaresmoreaboutherjobthanme?Orthatshewasjusthavingsomefunthissummerandwantstogobacktobeingfriends?”
“Doyouthinkthere’ssomesortofclassthatdudestakethatsuddenlymakesthemreadytotakeashot?”Acockylaughescaped,andseeingasIwasfluentinCage’ssarcasm,IknewitwashiswayoftellingmethatIwasbeingadumbass.“Igotnewsforyou,brother:Nobodyknowswhatthefuckthey’redoing.”
“That’syouradvice?”Idownedtherestofmybeer.
“Youdon’tneedadvice.You’lleitherlethergowithouttakingariskandspendtherestofyourliferegrettingit,oryou’lljustwakeupandrealizethatyou’rebeingadumbfuck,andyou’llgoforit.”
“Thatwasriveting.It’samazingyouaren’tatherapist.”Ismirked.
“Well,Ihopelikehellthatyoucometoyoursensesanddosomethingaboutit.”
“Whyisthat?”
“BecauseIcan’twaittoseetheinfamousHughReynoldsrunningaroundtownlikeapussy-whippedmotherfuckerwhocan’tlivewithouthisgirl,”hesaidwithachuckle.
“Nevergoingtohappen.I’mgoingtosticktotheplan.LethergochaseherdreamswhileIgobacktomyunfulfillinglifeofmeaninglesssexandmind-numbingconversationswithpeopleIdon’tgivetwofucksabout.AndLilacangotakeovercorporateAmericaandmarrysomepreppyintellectualassholewhowouldn’tknowgoodsexifitslappedhimintheface.”
Cagelookeddown,searchingforsomethingonthefloorbesidehisfeetbeforehesnappedbackupandraisedabrow.“Sorry.Imusthavelostmytinyviolin,youdramaticmotherfucker.Stopbeingacowardandmanup.”
Isuckedinabreathbecausethatinsultstruckafuckingnervewithme.“Ifonemorepersoncallsmeacoward,IsweartoGod,I’llsnap.”
“Iwouldn’tmindseeingyousnapanddoingsomethingaboutit.”Heshrugged.“Listen,Ineedtosaythistoyou.Iknowthatyougaveupyourdreamtobeabig,fancysportsagentinthecitytocomebackhereandhelpoutDad.Itwasstand-upofyou.Butifthisisn’twhatyouwant,wecansellitall.I’llhelpyou.Youdeservetobehappy,brother.”
Isqueezedthebackofmyneckwithmyhandbecausethisconversationwaswearingonme.“IlovewhatIdo.Itwasn’ttheplan,butI’mnotcomplaining.Ineededtodoit,andImadeitwork.I’mfinewiththat.ButaskingmetoaskLilatodothesamethingforme—nevergoingtofuckinghappen.She’snotsomebigfishinalittlepond.”
“Neitherthefuckareyou.Sothat’sit,isn’tit?Youdon’twanttoaskhertostay.AndwithhowinsaneTravishasbeenaboutherleavinghere,Igetit.Iknowshehasabigopportunitybackthere.Butwhynotaskher?Lethermakethatdecisionforherself.”
“Becauseshe’llfeelbad.It’swhosheis.Shewantstotakecareofthepeoplesheloves,andIwon’tbeanobligation.What,soshecanresentmeintwentyyears?No.Ifshewantedtobehere,she’dtellTravistofuckoff,andshe’dbehere.She’sexcitedforthisopportunity,andshedeservesthat.”
“DoyourememberhowIsaidI’dbestayinginLosAngelesaftervetschool?I’denjoyedcityliving,andIhadnointentionofcominghome.”
“Iremember.”Inodded.
“Butthingschange,Hugh.YoucamebacktohelpDad,andyoudon’tregretit.AndIfoundmyselfdeepindiaperdutyandnotdoingexactlywhatIthoughtI’dbedoing.Andguesswhat?”heasked.
“What?”
“Iwouldn’tchangeafuckingthing.ImayhavelostPresleyallthoseyearsagoandmanagedtofuckthatup.ButIgotasecondchancethedayGraciewasborn.AndI’dmovetoadesertedislandifitmeantshe’dbehappy.So,Ichangedcourse.Icamehome,andIdon’tregretit.It’sokaytochangeyourmind.Youdid.Maybeshewill,too.”
IlookedawayasIthoughtitover.
Shewouldn’t.
LilaJameshadalwaysknownwhatshewanted,andshewentafterit.
“Allright,Iappreciateyoutalkingthisthroughwithme.I’mgoingtoenjoytheselasttwoweekswithher,andI’llmoveononceIknowshe’ssettledandhappy.”
“That’stheplan?”heasked,lookingcompletelydisgusted.
“That’stheplan.Don’tjudgeit,brother.”
“Fine.I’llbeherewhenyourealizeyoufuckedup.”Heshruggedaswebothpushedtoourfeet.
“Andthisstaysbetweenus?Idon’tneedGeorgieandBrinksinmybusiness.”
“Ofcourse.I’mavault,”hesaid
“Thanks.Allright,I’mgoingtoheadhome.Howaboutyou?”
“GracieissleepingatMomandDad’stonight.I’mgoingtomeetafriendforadrinkatthebar.”
“I’llbetyouare.I’llcallyoutomorrow,”Isaid.
“Yep.Thanksfordinner.”
Igavehimoneofthosehalf-brohugsandclappedhimonthebackbeforeheadingoutthebackdoor.I’dleftmytruckatthehouse,anditwasanicenighttowalkhome.
Myphonebuzzedinmypocket,andIsawatextfromLila.
Snow
Hey.Justleftmydad’sandgotbacktothehouse.Youwanttomeetmeatthecoveforalittleskinnydippingandatripdownmemorylane?<winkyfaceemoji>
Ichuckled.
Hell,yeah.Onmywaynow.Andthistime,youwon’tbegrindingonmydick.You’llberidingit.
Lila
Promises.Promises.I’malmostthere.<eggplantemoji>
JustasIslippedmyphoneintomybackpocket,itbuzzedagain.Icontinuedwalkingtowardthecoveandlookeddown,surprisedthatthistextwasn’tfromLila.
Cage
Hugh’sinlove,andhe’stoomuchofa<catemoji>todoanythingaboutit.
Georgia
Awww…DidHugheyfinallyadmithisfeelings?
Finn
IsheinlovewithMrs.RunitherorLila?
Brinkley
I’mguessingMrs.Runither,right?<laughingemoji>
Whathappenedtoyoubeingavault,dickhead?
Cage
TherearenosecretsbetweentheReynoldssiblings,right?AndifIcan’tgetthroughtoyouoverthenexttwoweeks,thenhopefullyoneofthesefoolswillbeabletomakeyouseethelight.
Finn
Therearenosecretsbetweensaidfools?ShouldItellHughthatyou’retheonewhotoldMomthathewantedajournallastChristmassohecoulddocumenthisfeelingseverynight?
Cage
No.Thatonewasactuallysupposedtostayinthevault,youloose-lippedbastard.AnditmadeMomhappy.IswearHughgothiveswhenshepulledhimasideandtoldhimhowproudofhimshewasthathewasgettingintouchwith“allthosefeelings.”#winningthesiblinggame
IthoughtitwasBrinkswhopulledthatone.You’rejustscoringallthepointstonight,brother.#onceadickheadalwaysadickhead
Brinkley
Hey,Cage,sincewe’reconfessing…Georgiewastheonewhoscrapedallthepaintoffyourfancy,blackLexuslastyear,andweletyouthinkitwasoneoftheWilsonteens.
Georgia
Whyareweconfessing?Itwasbettertolethimbedisgustedby“someloser,stonerteenager”thantoknowhissisterdoesn’tliketolookoverherrightshoulderwhenshebacksoutofthedriveway.
IturneddownthepathtowardthecoveandhadtostopwalkingforaminutebecauseIwaslaughingsohard.
Finn
Whycan’tyoulookoveryourrightshoulder?
Georgia
Ihaveapermanentkinkinmyneck.Ithinkit’sgenetic.
Cage
Ithinkyou’rebeinglazy.Whothehelldoesn’tlookovertheirrightshoulder?Youscrapedallthepaintoffmynewcar.Thatwasexpensivetofix,Georgie!ThisistheshitI’mtalkingabout.
Georgia
Itwasanaccident.Humansmakethemsometimes,ordidn’tyouralienleadersteachyouthat?
Brinkley
YoucouldjustdooneextraBotoxappointmentforahamster,orputanicesetofhairextensionsonasloth,andthatwouldtotallycovertheexpenseforthepaintjob.#lifeofasmalltownanimaldoctor
Georgia
Yeess.Goodidea.I’mhereforthat,Dr.Judgment.
Cage
I’mwithawoman,andI’mputtingmyphoneawaybecauseyou’reallaggravatingme.
Finn
Issherealorablow-upwoman?
Finn
Beforeyouinsultme,youhaditcomingforcallingusfools.
Georgia
Heactuallycalledyoualoose-lippedbastard.Gottago.Dikotawantstowatchasilentfilm,soI’mputtingmyphoneaway.
FuckingDikwichwasonmylastnerve.Ididn’tknowwhatshewasdoingwiththatdude.Ipushedashruboutoftheway,andwhenIcamearoundthecorner,thewaterjustafewfeetaway,LilaJamesstoodtherewearingawhitesundress.
“Youwantedtocomebacktowhereitallstarted,huh?”
Sheslippedbothoftheskinnystrapsoffofhershoulders,andherdresspooledatherfeet.Sheworenothingbeneathit.
Mymouthwateredatthesightofher
Standingtherestarknaked,lookinglikethegoddessshewas.
“Istillthinkaboutthatnightallthetime,Bear.”Shechuckled.“Butthistime,IintendtodowhatIwantedtodothatfirsttime.”
Imovedtowardher,almostpredatory,andreachedbehindmyneckforthecollarofmytee,tearingitoffasIclosedthedistancebetweenus.
Icouldn’tgettoherquickenough.twenty-sixLila
“So,youliterallycheckedeverythingoffthelist,andyoustillhavealittleoveraweektogo,”Delsaid,aswesatatatableinthebackofCupofCovewhileSloaneandRinawentuptothecountertograbourdrinksandpastries.I’dtransitionedmostoftheresponsibilityI’dhadattherestaurantstoafewofthenewstaffmembers,asIwasleavinginaweek.So,Ipoppedinandoutallday,justbecauseIlovedbeingthere.ButIwasgettinginsomequalitytimewithmygirlstoday.
“Yes.”AllbuttheonethingI’daddedtothelist.Butyoucan’twinthemall.I’dthoughtabouttellinghimhowIfeltthatnightwhenI’dwaitedforhimdownbythecove.I’dworkedupthenervetodoit,totellhimthatIlovedhim,buthe’dseemedsooff.He’dfiredoffrelentlessquestionsaboutthenewjob.IfIwasexcitedtoleadthenewteam.HowhonoredImustbebyallthatresponsibility.HowI’dbetakingcorporateAmericabystorm.
Thetruthwas,Iwasn’tthatexcited.ButadmittingthatIlovedbeinghomeandplayinghousewithamanwhohadn’tevenadmittedtoanyonethatweweretogether—itfeltalittlepatheticandlame.
“Andyourdadisdoingsoamazing.WorkingforRoddy,andhe’sgotanotherweekunderhisbelt.Youmustbesoproud.”Shesmiledandreachedformyhand.
“Iam.”
HughhadevenleftastandingofferforRoddytocometoReynolds’andeatanytimeonhim.Roddyusuallycameonceaweek,andthey’dgrowntobegoodfriends.
Delstudiedmeforalongmoment.“Youstillhaven’ttoldhim?”
“No.He’sbeenaskingsomuchaboutthenewjob.Almostlikehecan’twaitformetoleave,youknow?IreadthisarticleinamagazinewhenIwasgettingmyhairdoneyesterdayabouthowwomentendtoromanticizethemanthattheyhavetheirfirstsexualexperiencewith.Didyouknowthat?”Iwhispered,lookingaroundtomakesurenoonewaslistening.“Ithinkthat’sprobablywhatI’mdoing,whilehe’sreadytogobacktohisoldwaysandshipmeofftoChicago.Andweallknowmybrothercan’twaitformetoleave.”
“Yourbrotherissuchanassholesometimes.”Sheshookherhead.“Ilovehavingyouhere.Andmaybeyou’remisreadingHugh.”
IwidenedmyeyeswhenIsawthegirlsbehindher,andshe’djustsaidHugh’sname.
“MisreadingHughaboutwhat?”Sloaneasked.
Delclearedherthroat.“IsaidI’mmisreadingyou.”
“MeorRina?”
“Both.”
IttookeverythingIhadnottoburstintolaughterattheturninconversation.Myphonevibratedonthetable,andIglanceddowntoseeJosephSchneider’snamelightupacrossmyscreen.IpushedtomyfeetandtoldthemIneededtostepoutside.
“Hi,Mr.Schneider.Howareyou?”Iasked,walkingaroundthesideofthebuildingwhereitwasquiet.
“I’mdoingwell,Lila.Boy,arewereadyforyou.Ourcross-countrysuperstarwho’sgoingtoleadthiscompany’syoungernewhiresandshowthemhowwedoit.Youmodeltheworkethicyouhadherebefore,andwe’llhavethisplacerunninglikeafine-tunedmachine.”
Iforcedachucklebecausehonestly,nothingaboutthatsoundedappealingtome.
“Sure,”Isaid.
“So,thereasonI’mcalling.Iknowyouhaveasummerjoboutthere,andyouaren’tscheduledtocomebackuntilnextweek.”Hepaused,andIheardhimaskingsomeoneforacoffeewithnosugarandextracream.“ButMr.Hopkins,thepresidentofTrueSolutions,iscomingintotownintwodays.Hewasreallyhopingtomeetyouinperson,andhe’sleavingthecountrynextweekfortwomonths.”
“Oh,”Isaid,mystomachtwistinginknots.
“Iknowwehadyourticketbooked,butIwonderedifyoucouldmovethatdateup?We’dflyyoubackheretomorrow,lateafternoon,giveyoutimetogetsettledinyournewplacetomorrownight,andthenmeetwithhimthefollowingday.We’llevenflyyoufirstclass,andthenwe’llobviouslypaytohaveyourcarshippedbackalongwithyourthings,whichwealreadyhadscheduled.We’djustmoveitallup.”
Tomorrow.
“I,um,Icouldprobablymakethatwork.”WhatwasIsupposedtosay?Thethoughtofleavingtomorrowhadmebreakingoutinasweat.I’dneedtosaygoodbyetothegirls.Goseemydad,mybrotherandShay.EveryoneatReynolds’.Roddy,who’dbeensogoodtomyfather.AlanaandBradfordandCageandGracie.I’dtextGeorgia,Brinkley,andFinnastheywerebackinthecity.WeweresupposedtoallhaveSundaydinnertogetherthenightbeforeIleft.
Butthatwasn’tthereasonmyheartwaspounding.
Hugh.
Alumpformedinmythroat.I’dknownIwasleaving,butIwasn’tpreparedforittohappensosoon.Iwasn’tready.
“Listen,wecanflyyouhomeinacouplemonthstoseeyourfamilyagain,sincewe’rerushingyououthere.ButitwouldbeaneffortthatwouldnotgounnoticedbyMr.Hopkinsandmyself.”
“Iunderstand.Justtextmetheinfo,andI’llbeonthatplanetomorrow.”Lookatme,alreadybacktobeingroboticandgettingintoworkmode.DesperatetopleasewhoeverIneededtoimpress.
“We’llsendacartopickyouupatyouraddress,sojustsendthattome,andwe’llalsohaveacarwaitingforyouwhenyoulandinChicago.”Wow.Hehaditallfiguredout.MyheadwasreelingwithallIhadtodo.
AndallIwantedtodowasrunstraighttoReynolds’andbegHughtotellmenottogo.
Toaskmetostay.
“Okay,Iwillseeyoutomorrow,”Isaid,buthe’dalreadyhunguptheotherline.
Iwalkedbackinside,andallthreegirlsstoppedtalkingwhentheysawmyface.
“Whodied?”Sloaneasked.
“Mysummer.”Ishrugged.Ishouldhavesaidmyfreedom.Myjoy.Ithadalljustvanishedwithonephonecall.
Atextcamethroughwiththeflightinfo.Themanwastednotime.Isenthimmyaddresssohecouldsendacar,andhe’dalreadychangedtheplan,becausemyflightwasleavingfirstthinginthemorning.
Ifilledthegirlsin,andeveryonesattherelookinglikewe’djustlostoutonTaylorSwiftconcerttickets.
“I’mnotreadyforyoutoleave,”Rinawhispered.
“Yeah.Thatwastooshort.Yourpubeshaveprobablynotevengrownbackinyourbikiniarea,”Sloanehuffed,andIcouldn’tevenlaughbecauseIwasovercomewithemotion.
Deldidn’tspeak.Hereyeswelledwithemotion,andsheshookherhead.“Well,youcame,andyouconquered.”
Nowtearswerestreamingdownmyfacejustastheystartedrunningdownhercheeks.
“Iloveyouallsomuch.Thanksformakingthisthebestsummerofmylife.”
“Lookatyou.Youcamehereaboringvirginwhoneverhadanyfun—andnowyou’reallsexedupfromyourout-of-townlover,whoweoddlyhaveyettosee,”Sloanesaid,raisingabrowasshelookedbetweenmeandDel.“You’veskinny-dipped,takenshots,hadsex,rehabbedyourfather,andyouevenhaveHughReynoldssmilingandrelaxedbecauseyou’vegothisrestaurantrunningsosmooth—ifthat’sreallythereasonthathunkofamanissmilingallthetime.”Shesmirked.
Ididn’tquestionher.Maybetheysuspectedsomethingwasgoingon.Weweretogetherallthetime.ButIdidn’treallycareatthismomentbecauseIwouldhavetosaygoodbyetohimnow,andI’dbegonebythistimetomorrow.
Thedooropened,andTraviswalkedin.Hepausedatthecounterandplacedanorderbeforeturningandseeingusthere.
Iflungmyselfintohisarms,andhewrappedmeup,justlikeheusedtodowhenIwasyoung.
“Hey,what’sgoingon?”Hisvoicewassoftandkind.ThisisthesideofmybrotherthatI’dmissed.
IpulledbackandfilledhiminonthecallthatI’djustreceived.
Therewasaweirdmixofsadnessandreliefinhisgaze.Iswipedatmytearsasmyfriendspushedtotheirfeet.
“Hey,whydon’tIcallShayandtellheryouandmeandheraregoingtosleepatDad’stonight?Wouldn’tthatbeaperfectlastnightforyou?”heasked.Travishadactuallyseemedimpressedwithmyfather’ssobriety,ashewasgoingontwomonthsbetweenhissixweeksintheprogramandhisfirstweekhome.
I’dalwayswantedmybrothertocomehomeandhavearelationshipwithourfather.ButthatwouldmeanthatIwouldn’tbeinHugh’sbedtonight.Probablyneveragain.
Myheartached.
Itachedforsomethingthatwasneverreallymine.
“Sure,”Iwhispered,catchingDel’seyewhenIlookedaway.IsawalltheempathytherebecausemybestfriendknewthatIwashurting.Hurtingforamilliondifferentreasons,butonlyonematteredatthemoment.
“Iloveyou,guys.I’llbebackinafewmonths,okay?”Itookturnshuggingthem,anxioustogettoReynolds’tofindHugh.
Wehugged,andwecried,andTravishurriedmetohiscar,ashesaidhewasheadingovertoReynolds’,aswell,whichmeantIwouldn’tgettotalktoHughalone.
Delmouthedthewords,“Tellhim,”beforeturningandwalkingtohercarwithRinaandSloane.Butwhatwouldbethepointofsayinganythingnow?Iwasleavinginlessthantwenty-fourhours.
IfHughdidn’twantmetoleave,I’dneedhimtotellmethat.
TraviswasonthephonewithShay,tellinghertopackabagbecausethey’dbestayingatmydad’stonight.Heendedthecalljustaswepulledoutoftheparkinglot.
“I’msodamnproudofyou,Lila,”hesaid,catchingmeoffguard.
“Thankyou.”Myvoicewasquietastherealityofwhatwashappeningwassettingin.Iwasleavinginthemorning.Iwassleepingatmyfather’s.I’dhavenotimealonewithHugh.Nomoreshowersorboatridesorskinnydipsinthecove.Nomorecuddlesinbedormorningrunswithhimbikingbesideme.NomoreSundaydinnersorlongconversationsaboutwhatwewantedoutoflife.
I’dcomehometohelpmyfather,andI’ddoneit.
Ididn’tknowhowlongitwouldlast,butitwasastart,andIfelthopeful.
I’dwantedtolosemyvirginity,andI’ddonethat,too.
Withthekindofmanwomendreamofspendinganightwith.Andhe’dbeenallmineallsummer.
Buttimewasup,andwewerebothgoingtoreturntoournormallives.
ButI’dfoundmynewnormal,andI’dlovedit.
“Iwaswrong,youknow?”
“Howso?”Iasked,ashepulledintothelotbehindReynolds’.
“AboutDad.He’sdifferent,andIneverthoughtI’dsaythosewords.Youwererightnottogiveuponhim.I’mnotholdingmybreaththatthiswilllastforever,butit’slastedlongerthaniteverhasinmylifetime,soI’mgoingtoenjoyit.”
Atearslippeddownmycheek.“Willyoukeepyoureyeonhim?”
“Iwill.”
Inodded.“Thanksforstayingatthehousetonight.Icangetussometakeout,andwecanallhavedinnertogether,okay?”
“I’llgetdinner.Yougetyourstuffpackedup.IknowyouloveSundaydinnersattheReynolds’,soifIcangiveyouaMondaynightdinnerattheJameses’,I’dliketodoit.”
Ichuckledandwipedatmycheekbeforepushingthedooropen.Travisfollowedmeinside,andIfeltguiltythatI’dwishedhewouldn’thave.Hughwasstandingbehindthebar,talkingwithBrax,whowassittingonabarstoolacrossfromhim.Theylookedliketheywerehavingaprettyintenseconversation.
“Lila,thankGodyou’rehere.Ineedtotalktoyou.”Brandysmiledatmeasweapproachedthehostessstandandthenraisedherbrowsatmybrother,lettinghimknowshedidn’twantanaudience.
“I’llbeatthebar.”Travissteppedaway,andIhatedthathewasgoingtobetheonetotellHughthatIwasleavingsoonerthanexpected.Maybethiswasforthebest.There’dbenodrawn-outgoodbye.Nosadendingtosomethingthatwassupposedtobeasummerfling.
“What’sgoingon?”IturnedmyattentiontoBrandy,butmygazekeptmovingtothebar,wheremybrotherwasdefinitelyfillinginHughandBraxonmynews.Hugh’seyesfoundmine,justliketheyalwaysdid.Hissmilelookedforced,ormaybeIwasreadingintoit.Maybehewasrelievedthatthiswasover
“Lionelaskedmeout,”Brandyallbutsquealed,assheleanedsofaroverthehostessstandthatIhadtoreachforhershoulderstomakesureshedidn’tfallover.
“Yes.Iknewhelikedyou.Itjusttakessomeboysalittlelongertofigureitout,”Isaid.Myvoicewasalltease,butmyheartwasshatteringinmychest,mymindreelingthatmytimewithHughwasover.AndIcouldn’tletanyoneknowhowsadIwasbecausethewholethinghadbeenasecret.
Brandygavemeallthedetailsabouthowhe’daskedherout,andIgavehersomesuggestionsforwhattowearbeforemybrothercalledforme.
“I’llcomesaygoodbyebeforeIleave,butIwantedtoletyouknowthatI’mleavingafewdaysearly,andI’mheadingbacktoChicagotomorrow.”
“What?No!Hughhadawholesurprisepartyplannedforyounextweek,”shesaid,beforeslappingahandoverhermouth.“Don’ttellhimItoldyou.ButIthinkhe’sgoingtotakeitthehardestofall.”
“He’llbefine,”Isaid,shakingmyheadandprocessingthefactthathewasgoingtothrowmeaparty.“Thisplaceisrunningsowellnowyouwon’tevenknowI’mgone.”
“Areyoukidding?Youlightupeveryroomyouenter,LilaJames.”BrandycamearoundthehostessstandandhuggedmesotightIhadtofightbackthetearsthreateningtofall.Iwasgoingtomissthisplacesomuch.
“I’llbebacksoon,andI’lldefinitelycomeandseeyouall.”IswipedatthesingletearrunningdownmycheekwhenIpulledaway.Brandyhadfull-onstreamsoftearsrunningdownherface.
“Well,wecanstilltexteveryday.I’llsendyouapictureofmydateoutfit,okay?”
“I’mcountingonit.”Iheldupmyhandinawaveandmademywaytothebar.
“Hughsaidhecanpackyourthingsup,andI’llgetthemshippedtoyouinChicago.We’lljustrunbythehousesoyoucanpackthebagsthatyouwanttotakewithyoutomorrow,”Travissaid.
Hughwasn’tlookingatme.Hewipeddownthebartop,hisbaseballcaptuggeddownabitsoIcouldn’tseehiseyes.Braxwaslookingatmewiththesaddestexpressiononhisface.
“Okay.Well,thecarispickingmeupatHugh’shouseinthemorning.That’stheaddressIgavethem.”Ishrugged.
“JusttextthemandgivethemDad’saddress.IwasjusttellingtheguysthatIneverthoughtI’dwillinglyagreetosleepatthathouseeveragain.”Travischuckled.
“Icantakeyoutotheairportifyouwant.”Hughlookedupatme,andmychestsqueezed.Hislipsturnedupalittlebitinthecorners,butthosesage-greeneyestoldadifferentstory.
Helooked…upset.
Sad.
Wounded.
Thatcouldn’tberight.He’dknownIwasleavingthiswholetime.Iwasprobablymakingsomethingoutofnothing
“Thankyou,”Isaid,myvoicejustaboveawhisperbecauseIwasfightingbackthebiglumpthathadlodgedinmythroat.
“Dude.She’sgotthisbig,fancycompanysendingacarforher.She’llprobablygetchampagneonthedriveover.”Traviswaggledhisbrows.
“Ahhh,that’shardtocompetewith.Well,I’vegotyourcheckdownstairs.Youwanttocomedownwithmeandgrabit?”heasked,hisvoicecalmandsteadyashiseyeslockedwithmine.
“Sure,yeah.”
“Hurryitup.ThenI’llrunyouovertoHugh’stopackwhatyouneedfornow,”Travissaid,andInoddedbeforefollowingHughtothebackroomanddownthestairstohisoffice.
Isteppedinside,andheclosedthedoorbehindme.Iwantedhimtopinmetothedoorandkissmesenseless,buthedidn’tdothat.Hewalkedaroundtheothersideofhisdeskandsatdown.Imovedtotheleatherchairacrossfromhimanddidthesame.
Hefiddledwithsomepaperworkbeforelookingupatme.“I’mhappyforyou,Snow.Itsoundslikethey’reexcitedforyoutogetthere,huh?”
Mybottomlipquivered,andIbitdownhardtostopitfromshaking.“Ididn’tknowTraviswasgoingtooffertosleepatmydad’shouse.Thatwasn’tmyidea.”
“Hey,youhavenothingtoexplain.Thiswaswhatyoualwayswanted,right?Andit’sallbecauseyoudidn’tgiveuponyourfather.”Hiseyessoftened,andhesmiled.
“ButIdidn’tplanonsayinggoodbyetoyoulikethis,”Isaid.
“It’sallright.Wealwaysknewthiswasgoingtoend,didn’twe?”
Myvisionwasblurryasmyeyesoverflowedwithtearsandtraileddownmycheeks.Hughwasuponhisfeetandbendingdowninfrontofme.Heusedthepadsofhisthumbstoswipeawaymytearsandthenscoopedmeupandsettledmeonhislap,hisarmswrappedaroundme.
“Iwasn’treadytosaygoodbye,”Isaid,myvoicecrackingasIcouldn’tholdbackallthatemotionanylonger
“Butthisiswhatyouwant,right?Thisjob?Chicago?”heasked,andhepulledbacktolookatme,hiseyessearchingmine.Ididn’tknowwhathemeant.Whyhewasaskingthat.
“It’sagoodjob.”Ishrugged.
“Well,then,yougooutthere,andyoukillit.They’reluckytohaveyou.Andyouaccomplishedeverythingyousetouttodohere,soyoushouldbefuckingproudofyourself.I’llkeepaneyeonyourdadforyou,okay?You’vegotmywordonthat.Don’tworryaboutathing.”Hismouthwassoclosetomine,andnowhiseyeswerewellingwithemotion,too.
Iloveyou.
Iwantedtosayit.Neededtosayit
“Hey,hey,Trav,waitup!”Brax’svoicestartledme,comingfromtheothersideofthedooroutinthehallway,andHughreluctantlymovedtohisfeet,settingmedowninfrontofhimbeforeweheardBrax’sloudvoiceagain.“Areyousurethey’redownhere?”
“Whythefuckareyoushouting?”Travisasked,andHughsteppedtotheothersideofhisdesk,andIsatbackdowninthechair.
Braxwasgivingusawarningthatmybrotherwascoming.Hedefinitelyknewsomethingwasgoingonbetweenus.
Butnow,noneofthatmattered,didit?
Iwasleaving,andhewasgoingtoletme.
“It’sopen!”Hughyelled,asweheardthemapproachingthedoor.
TravispushedthedooropenandwasstilllaughingatsomethingBraxsaidbeforeturninghisattentiontome.“Weneedtogetgoing.Shay’scravingicecream,andweneedtogogetyourbags.”
“Yeah,ofcourse.”Ipushedtostand.
Hughgrabbedanenvelopeoffhisdeskandhandedittome.“Here’syourlastcheck.Thanksforeverythingyoudidformethissummer,Snow.”
“ItwasthebestsummerI’veeverhad.”Iwantedhimtoknowthatitwasallbecauseofhim.ButIcouldn’tsayit.Notnow.Nothere.
Ireachedfortheenvelopeashecamearoundthedeskandwrappedhisarmsaroundme.
“We’reallgoingtomissyou,”hesaid,beforeleaningdownagainstmyear.“Sofuckingmuch.”
MybrotherandBraxwerealreadyoutthedoor,andIshookmyheadfrantically,keepingmyvoicelow.“I’msorry.Thisisn’thowIwantedtosaygoodbye.”
“It’sallright.Yougoenjoythistimewithyourfamily,okay?”Heleaneddownandkissedmehardbeforepullingawayquickly.
Itfeltfinal.
Itfeltlikegoodbye.
Andmyheartshatteredintoamillionlittlepieces.twenty-sevenHugh
IthadbeensixdayssinceLilaJameshadleftCottonwoodCove.She’dspentthatfinalnightwithherfatherandherbrotherandShay.Cagehadsomehowheardthatshe’dleft,andheandFinnhadcomeoverwithabottleoftequilaintypicalReynoldsbrotherfashion,andI’ddrunkawaymyblues.Oratleasttriedto.
I’dspentthenextfewdaysmopingaroundandcheckingmyphoneeveryfiveminutestoseeifshe’dtextedorcalled.We’dsentafewmessages,herlettingmeknowshe’dmadeittheresafely.I’dtoldherthatI’dpackedherthingsupthatshe’dleftbehindanddroppedthematthepostofficebecausewebothknewTraviswouldputitoffforweeksifnotmonths.
Therewasthisbig,gapingholeinmychest,andI’dneverexperiencedanythinglikeitbefore.Itdidn’thelpthatithadbeenrainingsinceshe’dleft.Itwasgrayanddrearyoutside—exactlyhowIfelt.
IwasheadingtomyroomtograbashowerasI’djustworkedout,andIpassedbythecasita.
Hercasita.
Hell,she’dspenteverynightinmybed,sothisroomdidn’tfeellikeLila’smorethananyotherroomhere.Hell,everyinchofthishousefeltlikeLila’s.Idroppedontothebedandglancedaround.IlookedoveratthenightstandandnoticedapairofearringstherethatImusthavemissedwhenI’dgottenherthingstogether.Ipickedthemupandlookedatthelittlepinkstudsbeforereachingformyphone.
Hey.Howareyoudoing?
Ourtextshadbeenawkwardsinceshe’dleft.Distantandnothinglikethewaywe’dtextedwhenshewashere.Becausewe’dbeentogetherthen.We’dneverreallysaidgoodbyeaseverythinghadhappenedsofast.I’dbeentalkingtoBraxthatdayatthebarwhenTravishaddroppedthebombonmethatLilawasleaving.I’daskedBraxtorunsomecompsonReynolds’,Garrity’s,andBurgersandBrewsforme.IjustwantedtoknowiftherewasanexitstrategyifIweretoleaveallthisbehindandfollowhertoChicago.
ButbeforeIcouldevenmakethathappen,shewasgone.
Snow
It’sbusy.Longdays.Kindofexhausting.
BeforeIcouldrespond,myphonebuzzedagain.
Snow
Imissyou,Bear.
Imissyou,too.Butyou’redoingokay?
Snow
Sure.
Ididn’tlikethewayshesounded.ItmatchedthewayIfelt.
Ifoundyourearrings.I’lldroptheminthemailtomorrow,allright?
Snow
Okay.Thanks.
Sure.Talksoon.
Shedidn’trespond,andIgroanedathowstupidIsounded.Ididn’tknowwhythefuckIwasn’tjusttellingherthatIwasgoingoutofmymindsinceshe’dleft.
Ididn’twanttomakeherfeelbad.Hell,shelookedsoguilt-riddenaboutspendingherlastnightwithherfamilyandnotwithme.
Ididn’tneedpity.Thiswasthedeal,andI’dsignedupforit.
We’dagreedthatwe’dgobacktobeingfriendsaftersheleft,andwe’dneverdiscussedanyotheroptionasshe’dleftbeforeeitherofushadpreparedforit.
Isetherearringsbackdown,noticingthedrawerofthenightstandcrackedopentheslightestbit.Ileanedforwardandpulledthedrawerallthewayopen,seeingherSnowDaynotebookinthere.
Itookitoutandkickedoffmyshoes,pressingmybacktotheheadboard.IchuckledasIreadherlist,seeingeachthingcheckedoffwithlittlenotesbesidethem.
#1.GetDadintoaprogram.
Therewasanotebesideitthatsaid:Sixweeksandcounting.Hedidit.
#2.LosemyV-Card.
Therewasanotebesideitthatsaid:Myfirsttimeisworthyofagoldmedal.Holdingoutfortherightguywasdefinitelyworththewait.
MychestsqueezedasIreadherwords.
Icontinuedreadingthelistandflippedthepage,myeyeszeroinginonnumberthirteen.TheoneIhadn’tseen.
#13.TellHughReynoldsthatIlovehim.Notafriendshipkindoflove.ThatI-can’t-live-without-you,people-write-poetry-aboutkindoflove.Therealdeal.
Shehadn’ttoldme,butIknewshelovedme.Didn’tI?
WhywasIbeingsuchafuckingpussyaboutthis?
Shelovedme.Ilovedher.Lifewasfuckingshort.WhatthefuckwasIwaitingfor?IpickedupmyphoneandshotatexttoWolf,Dylan’shusband.He’dtoldmehewasinterestedininvestingifIopenedarestaurantinthecity.IgavehimtheshortversionaboutwhatwasgoingonandsaidthatIneededhishelp.
Herespondedwithinseconds.
Wolf
Done.Canyoucometothecitytodaytodiscuss?
Onmyway.
Igrabbedmykeys,andwhenImademywayoutside,Braxwaswalkingupmydriveway.
“Hey,Icametocheckonyou.Iwentbytherestaurant,andtheysaidyouhadn’tbeeninthelastfewdays,”hesaid.
“Yeah.I’vegotbiggerthingsonmymind.Youwanttoridewithmetothecity?I’mgoingtotalktoWolfaboutpossiblybuyingmeoutoftherestaurants.”
Brax’seyeswidened.“You’rereallyfuckingdoingit.WhataboutTravis?Doesheknow?”
BraxclimbedintothepassengerseatasIsettledinthedriver’sseat.“He’snext.”
BraxandItalkedthrougheverypossiblesolutiononthedrivetothecity.
“Areyousureshewon’twanttoleaveChicago?Shouldyoutalktoherbeforeyoudoanythingrash?”hesaid,asIpulledintotheparkinggaragewheretheLions’headquarterswerelocated.DylanandWolfbothworkedhere.
“I’mnotgoingthereuntilIhaveasolutionthatisn’tjustabouthergivingupherdreams.Ineedtohavesomethingtoofferheronmyend.Iwon’tdoanythingormakeanydecisionsuntilIspeaktoher,butIneedtoknowmyoptions.”
Henodded.“Ilikeseeingyouallpussywhipped.Itlooksgoodonyou.”
Weclimbedoutofthetruck,andIflippedhimthebird.Webothlaughed.AftertakingtheelevatoruptoWolf’soffice,Dylanwasthereassoonasthedoorsopened.
“Hey,”Isaid,wrappingherupinahug.“How’dyouknowI’dbehererightnow?”
“Ihaveyourlocation.”Mycousinheldupherphoneandsmirked.“Ofcourse,Iknow.I’mDylanThomas-Wayburn…Iknowallthings.AndIknewyoulovedLilabeforeyouevenknewit,sothereyougo.”
Braxchuckled,andIshothimawarninglook.“Iknew.Iwasjustbeinga—”
“Coward?Baby?”Dylanasked.
“Pussy?Weakmotherfucker?”Braxadded,andevenIhadtolaughalongwiththem.
WefollowedDylandowntoWolf’soffice,andsheclosedthedoorwhileBraxandIeachtookaseatintheleatherchairsacrossfromhisdesk.Dylansettledontoherhusband’slap,andhewrappedahandaroundherandpulledherdownforakiss.Ilovedseeingherhappy.Shedeservedit.
SodidLila.AndifthatwassomethingthatIcouldgiveher,Iwasdamnwellgoingtotry.
Wespentthenexttwohoursgoingovereveryoption.Dylanlefttogograbusallsandwiches,whileWolf,Brax,andIcrunchedthenumbers.
“So,thebottomlineisthis,”Wolfsaid.“Icanbuyyouout,orIcanflipthem.ButIknowthesearefamily-runbusinesses,andIthinkyoushouldkeepthemifpossible.Ibelieveyourbestoptionistoletmetakeoverthefinancialpiece,youandIpartnerup,andwegetpeoplethatyoutrusttomanageallthreeplaces.Buttheyremainyours.Soif,foranyreason,Lilawantstocomeback,noworlater,it’sallyoursonceagain.”
Inodded.Icouldn’taskformorethanthat.“Thankyou.Ireallyappreciateyousteppingupforme.”
“You’reoneofthemostimportantpeopleinmywife’slife,andthatmakesyouoneofthemostimportantpeopleinmine.Ihavetheresourcestohelpyou,andI’dliketoseeyoukeepallthreeplaces.Sellingthemisveryfinal.Let’sjustgiveyouawayoutwithoutsellingthemoff.”
“Idon’tthinkitgetsanybetterthanthat.Andwhoknows?Youcouldflythere,andshecouldrejectyourass.”Braxlaughedwiththisdopeysmileonhisface,andIrolledmyeyes.
Butthethoughthadcrossedmymind.
Butdeepdown,IknewshelovedmeasmuchasIlovedher.
“Idon’tseethathappening,”Wolfsaid,asheshookhishead.“Butregardlessoftheoutcome,youhaveoptions.IfshewantstocomebacktoCottonwoodCove,everythingstaysasis.IfshewantsyoutostayinChicago,youcanopensomethingupoutthere,andI’llinvestinthatone,too.Butthesewillremaininyourname.Leavehereknowingthatyou’recovered,allright?”
Iwasoverwhelmedbyhisgenerosity.Inodded,lettingoutalongbreaththatIhadn’tevenrealizedI’dbeenholding.“Idon’tevenknowhowtobegintothankyou.”
“Youdon’tneedtothankme.I’mhappyforyou,man.Iknowhowitistofeelthatwayaboutsomeoneandnotknowhowthefuckit’sgoingtoworkout.Butthere’salwaysafuckingway.Andifit’stherealdeal,you’llmovefuckingmountainstomakeithappen.Oryou’llskidowntheminyourunderwearifthat’swhatittakes.”Helaughed,andIfilledBraxinonthecrazy-assstunthe’dpulledtowinDylanback.ThedudewasaNavySEALforadecade,soskiingdownHoneyMountaininhisunderwearinfrigidtemperatureswasjustanotherdayattheofficeforWolf.
Thedoorflewopen,andinwalkedDylan,withbothofmysistersrightbehindher.GeorgiaandBrinkleywereholdingbagswithsandwichesinthem,andDylanhadatrayofdrinksshewasbalancing.
Weallpushedtoourfeettohelpthem,takingthebagsandthedrinksandsettingthemonWolf’sdesk.
“Whatareyoutwodoinghere?”Iasked,asIraisedabrowatDylan,knowingshe’dcalledthemtotellthemwhatwasgoingon.
“It’saboutdamntimeyouadmittedhowyoufelt.Andwewerehungry,sohereweare,”Georgiasaid,makingherroundsandhuggingeveryone.
“YouneedtotalktoTravisbeforeyouleaveforChicago.Youshouldgotherewithaclearconscience.”Brinkleyslappedmeonthechestandlookedupatme.
Inodded.“Iwill.IneededtogetthisallfiguredoutsoIcouldlethimknowtheplan.AndthenbookaflighttoChicago.”
“That’salreadydone.GeorgieandIbookedyouonaflightouttomorrowmorning.WeusedFinn’spoints.”Shechuckled.“Iemailedyoutheconfirmation.So,youbestgetyourassbacktoCottonwoodCoveandtalktoyourbestfriendandmakethingsright.”
“Canwepleaseeatfirst?I’mstarving,”Braxgroaned.“Andwe’llneedtofuelupbeforeyoutellTravisthatyou’reinlovewithhissister.WemayevenneedtheNavySEALforbackup.”
Thegirlschuckled,butWolfraisedabrow.“Doyouwantmethere?”
Ishookmyhead.“No.Butthankyou.I’vegotthis.TravisandIhavegonetoblowsbefore,andIprobablyhavethisonecomingfornottellinghimsooner.I’lltakeitonthechinifthat’swhatheneedstodo.”
Braxshivereddramatically.“I’malover,notafighter.Thatshitterrifiesme.”
“Hugh’sgoingtobejustfine.”Dylansmiledupatme.“I’mhappyforyou.Youdeservethis.Nowlet’stakethefooddowntotheconferenceroomsoyoucangetbackhomeanddealwiththebroodybrotherandthengogetyourgirl.”
AndthatwasexactlywhatIplannedtodo.
Weallatetogether,andthenBraxandIwerebackontheroad,pullingintoCottonwoodCovearounddinnertime.Ithadbeenalongday,butIfinallyfeltlikeIwasdoingwhatIwassupposedtobedoing.
Ihadn’tfeltthatwayinalongtime.
BecauseLilaJameshadbeenthemissingpieceIhadn’tevenrealizedIwaslookingfor.
“Arewereallydoingthis?”Braxasked.
“Youdon’thavetocomewithme.I’mreadytotellhim,andIdon’tminddoingitonmyown.”
“Hell,no.Imaynotbeagoodbackup,becauseyouknowthatIbruiselikeapeach.ButI’llmakesurehedoesn’tkillyou,”hesaidwithachuckle.
Iwasn’tworriedaboutTravishurtingme.Hell,Iwasbiggerthanhim.IjustwantedhimtoknowthatIlovedher,andIhopedthathewouldbelieveme.Hewasmybestfriend,andhewasimportanttome.ButIwasn’twalkingawayfromLilaregardlessofwhatTravishadtosayaboutit.Hecouldpunchmeasmanytimesashewantedto,anditwasn’tgoingtochangetheoutcomeofthis.I’dfuckedupbylyingtohim,andI’downthat.ButIwouldn’tapologizeforlovinghissister.
Wepulledinfrontofhishouseandgotoutofthetruck.
“Areyounervous?”Braxwhisperedaswewalkedupthesidewalkleadingtohisfrontdoor.
Ichuckled.“Notevenalittlebit.”
“ThankGodthatoneofusisokay.IfeellikeI’mgoingtoshitmypants.”
“Relax.It’sfine.”Iknockedonthedoor,andTravispulleditopenrightaway.
“Hey.DidyougetmytextthatShayisathersister’sfordinner?IwantedtoseeifyouwantedtomeetatReynolds’forabeer.”
Ihadn’tseenthetext.“Nah,we’vebeendriving.Justcamefromthecity.ButIneedtotalktoyou.”
Hisbrowscinchedtogether.“Somethinghappenwithmydad?”
“Nope.Icheckedonhimyesterday,andhe’sdoingreallywell.”Iwalkedinsideafterhetookafewstepsback,invitingusin.
“What’swrongwithhim?”TravisflickedhisthumboverhisshoulderatBrax,whowasunusuallyquiet.
“He’snervous,”Isaid,whenwereachedthekitchen.“Hethinksthere’sgoingtobeafight,andyouknowhe’sadelicateflower.”
HeandIbothchuckled,andBraxcrossedhisarmsoverhischestandrolledhiseyes.
“Whywouldtherebeafight?”Traviswalkedtothefridgeandpulledoutthreebeerbottles.
“Oh,Idon’tthinkglassbottlesareagoodidea.”BraxsethisonthecounterafterTravishandedthemtous.
Isetminedown,aswell,leaningoverthekitchenisland,acrossfromTravis.“I’minlovewithLila.Ishouldhavetoldyousooner,butIdidn’tknowitwasgoingtoturnintosomethingserious.”
Hesethisbottledownonthecounter,hisfaceturningbrightredwitheachpassingsecondasheprocessedmywords.“Whatthefuckdidyoujustsaytome?”
“Youheardme.Andyougettingmadisn’tgoingtochangeanything.”
“Lookatme,Hugh,”hesaid,hisvoiceeerilycalm.“Didyoufuckmysister?”
“I’mnotgoingtoanswerthatbecauseit’snoneofyourfuckingbusiness.Iloveher,andthat’swhatmatters.”
“Oh,yeah?So,youwerejustfuckingherallthistimeandkeepingitfromme.Andnowit’sturnedintosomethingserious?So,youwerewillingtocrossthatlinewhenyoudidn’tknow?”heshouted,ashecamearoundthecornerandstoppedrightinfrontofme.
“Ifthat’showyouwanttolookatit,that’syourchoice.I’minfuckinglovewithyoursister.Don’tbelittleit,”Isaid,myvoicecomingoutlouderandharsherthanImeantitto.
Hisfistcameatme,justasI’dexpected.Ashottothecheek,whichnearlyknockedmeonmyass,butIdidn’tgodown.AndIdidn’tputmyarmsupbecauseI’dlethimtakeasmanyshotsasheneededtotakebeforewecouldmoveon.IfeltBraxmovecloser,butmygazestayedlockedonTravis.
Hedidn’tcomeatmeagain;hejuststaredforalongwhilebeforehespoke.“So,youloveher?”
“Ido.”
“Doessheknowthat?”heasked,reachingforhisbeerandpoppingoffthelidbeforehetookalongpull.
“Probablynot.ButI’mgoingtheretomorrowtotellher.”
Travissethisbottlebackdown,andBraxgroanedasifhewerepreparingfortheworst.
“Andwhat?Dragherbackhere?”
“Youknowwhat,Travis.That’salsononeofyourfuckingbusiness.”Isquaredmyshouldersandsteppedforward,crowdinghim.Iwasdonewithhimactinglikeheknewwhatwasbestforher.“Thatdecisionisuptoher.Ihavesomeonewillingtotakeoverallthreerestaurantshere.So,ifyoursisterwantstostayinChicago,that’swhereyou’llfindme.Andifshewantstocomehome,that’salsowhereyouwillfindme.She’sagrown-asswomanwithamindofherown.Andyou’reagrown-assmanwithawifeandkidontheway.Stayinyourownfuckinglane,brother.”
Ipreparedforthehit.He’dneverbeenonewhocouldhandlehearingthingsthathedidn’tlike.ButIwasn’tafraidofTravis.Irespectedhowmuchhelovedhissister,buthisdaysofthinkinghehadasayoverherlifewereover.
Thehitnevercame.Instead,hereachedforhisbeerbottleagainandtookanothersip.“Allright,then.It’sseriousenoughthatyou’rewillingtowalkawayfromeverythinghere?Yourfamily?Yourbusiness?Yourparents’businesses?”
“Withoutafuckingdoubt.Idon’tgiveafuckwhereIamaslongasI’mwithLila.”Nowitwasmyturntoreachformybottleandpopoffthecapandtakealongpull.
“Holyshit.NeverthoughtI’dseetheday.”Travishelduphisbottletoclinkitagainstmine.
“Wait,”Braxwhispered.“Arewegood?CanIgetmybottle,too,ormightthisturnuglyagain?”
Travisbarkedoutalaugh.“Nah.Shay’sbeenallovermyassthatI’mtoooverbearingwithLilaandsaidshethoughtmysisterwasn’texcitedaboutleavingatall.ButI’dbeentooblindtoseepastwhatIthoughtwasrightforher.AndonthatlastnightwithLila,Icouldtellshewasupsetaboutleaving.Andclearly,Iruinedyourfuckinglovefest,orwhateverthefuckyoutwohavegoingon,whichIprefernotknowing.I’msorry,man.You’rethebestdudeIknow,andifyoufeelthatstronglyabouther,Icouldn’taskforbetterformysister.”
“Tryingnottobeoffendedoverhere,”Braxsaid,hisvoicehigherthannormal,andIfinallyletoutalaugh.
IturnedmyattentionbacktoTravis.“Idon’tknowwhat’sgoingtohappen,butIknowthatI’mnotleavingaslongasshewantsmebyherside.”
WespentthenexthourwithBraxandTravistellingmehowtohandlethingsonceIlandedinChicago.ButIdidn’tneedhelpwithanyofit.Iwasgoingrighttoher,face-to-face,andI’dtellherthatIfuckinglovedher.
SomethingIshouldhavesaidalongtimeago.
IwasexhaustedbythetimeIgothome.I’dgoneovertoseemyparentsandtellthemmyplans,and,ofcourse,theywerebothcompletelysupportivebecausethat’swhotheyare.
TheywerefinewithwhateverIdecidedtodowiththerestaurants,andthattookalotofpressureoffmyshoulders.
IdroppeddownonmybedaftertakingashowerandsawatextfromLila,whichhadmesittingforward.ItwastwohourslaterinChicago,soitwasclosetomidnightthere.
Snow
Imissyou,Bear.
Thatwasallitsaid—yetitsaidsomuchmore.Shewassad,justlikeIwas.ButI’dbetheretomorrow,andI’dtellhereverything.Face-to-face.Iwasn’tgoingtopledgemyloveoveratextoraphonecall.
Missyoumore.
ImissedherinawayI’dneverknownpossible.Mybodyphysicallyached.ShewasthefirstthingIthoughtofwhenIwokeupinthemorning.ThefirstthingIthoughtofwhenIsteppedoutsideandsawthesunjustcomingup.ThelastthingIthoughtofbeforeIwenttosleepeachnight.
AndIcouldn’tgettohersoonenough.twenty-eightLila
I’dbeenhereforaweek,andI’dworkedmorehoursthananyhumanshouldeverhavetoworkinatwenty-fourday.AndIdidn’tseethatlighteningupanytimesoon.
Thefivepeoplethatthey’dhiredtobeonmyteamwereallnewcollegegrads,aswell,andtheatmosphereremindedmeofracedays.
Likeeveryonewaswillingtodowhateverittookforthewin.
ThewayI’dleftthingswithHughhadhauntedme,andthenwe’dbothjustsortofgonequietafterIleftbecausewedidn’treallyknowwhattodo.
AtleastIdidn’t.
AndtosayIwasmiserablewouldbeamassiveunderstatement.
Mybodyphysicallyached.Icouldn’tsleep.Couldn’teat.
So,Ifocusedonwork.
Thecorporatehousingthey’dgivenmewasswankyandreallynice,butitjustfeltcoldandlonelytome.Thefurniturewasvelvetandwaytoofancytocurlupon.IsleptinoneofHugh’sT-shirtsthatI’dsnaggedwhenI’dpackedupthatlastnightbeforeIleft,anditwastheonlythingthatcomfortedmenow.
I’dneverfeltsoaloneinmylife.
Sure,Ihadfriendsfromcollegehere,buteveryonewholivedinthecitywasworkinglonghours,orthey’dmovedtothesuburbs,whichwasn’taneasytrek,especiallywhenyouwereworkingfourteen-hourdays.Luckily,myapartmentwascloseenoughthatIdidn’tneedtoevenusepublictransportationbecauseitwasashortwalktoandfromwork.
I’dleftmycarinCottonwoodCove,droppingitoffwithBraxagain,hopinghecouldsellitforme.I’daskedhimtogivethemoneytoHughsoIcouldpayhimbackforhelpingmyfather.
ThoughtsofHughhadmyheartachingsoseverelythatapermanentlumphadlodgedinmythroat.AndonethingthatI’dlearnedfrombeinghomethispastsummerandspendingallthattimewithHugh,crossingthingsoffmylistthatwereimportanttome,isthatlifeiswhatyoumakeit.Andyoucouldspendyourentiretimeonthisearthworking,ifthatwaswhatwasimportanttoyou.Andforalongtime,thathadbeenimportanttome.ButI’drealizedthatIactuallylikedlivinganawfullot.I’dspentthelastfewmonthslovingandlaughingandlivingeverysingleday.Andstaringatacomputerscreenwithrowsofnumberswasnotlivingtomeanymore.
I’dchanged.
Hughhadbroughtapartofmetolifewithoutevenknowingit.
Beingattherestaurantandworkingonhisbookswascompletelydifferentthanbeinghereandfeelingmorelikearobotthanahuman.
Ididn’tknowifHughfeltthesamewayaboutme,butIthoughthedid.
Butregardlessofwhathewantedoriftherewasafutureforus,mylifewasnothere.
IknockedonMr.Schneider’sofficedoor,andhecalledoutformetocomein.
“Lila,thisisapleasantsurprise.Youcan’talreadyhavethosereportsdoneforme,canyou?AlthoughIguessbeingacollegiatenationalchampion,anythingispossibleforyou,huh?”Hemotionedformetotakeaseat.
“Idon’thavethosedoneyet,butJuliaismakingrealprogress.That’swhatIwantedtotalktoyouabout.”
Hisgazenarrowed,andhenodded.“Goahead.”
“I’msogratefulfortheopportunitythatyou’vegivenme.Fromtheinternshiptothepositionthatyouofferedmeheretoheadupthisnewdepartment.ButI’mnottherightpersonforthejob,”Isaid,feelingaweightliftoffmyshouldersasthewordsleftmymouth.
“Oh,that’sjustexhaustiontalking.Weallgothroughitwhenwefirststartoutandputinthosegruelinghours.Youweremadeforthis,Lila.Idon’thaveanydoubtsthatyoucandoit.”
Ismiledbecausehedidmeanwell.“IknowthatIcandoit.TheproblemisthatIdon’twantto.Yousee,IfoundoutthatthereisalotmoretolifethanI’deverrealized.AndnowthatI’vehadataste,itjustdoesn’tmatterhowmuchmoneyIcanmake,orwhatIcanaccomplishprofessionally,becauseitdoesn’tmakemehappy.AndI’vewaitedareallylongtimetobehappy.So,Ihopeyouwon’tbeupsetwithmebecauseItrulyamgratefulfortheconfidencethatyouhaveinme.ButthoseareshoesthatIjustdon’twanttofillanymore.”
Hestaredatmeforalongwhilebeforehespoke,andIheldhisgaze,makingitclearthatIwasnotgoingtowaver.
“Iwanttobeupset,butI’dbelyingifIdidn’tsayIwashappyforyou.Theratracecanbeexhausting,andI’mprobablynotonetogiveadviceaboutahappylife.I’vebeenmarriedthreetimesandhardlyhavearelationshipwithanyofmykids.So,youknowwhat,LilaJames?”
“What?”Iasked.
“Youfollowyourgut.Goodforyou.IthinkJuliawouldprobablybethrilledtobepromoted.Doyouthinkshe’supforthetask?”
“Onehundredpercent.She’ssmartanddriven,andshedefinitelywantsit.”
Hechuckled.“Andwhataboutyou?Whatdoyouwant?”
“Iwanttogohome.”Ishrugged.“IwanttoswiminthecoveandhavedinnerwithmyfatherandgettoseemynieceornephewasoftenasIwant—andgoconvincethemanthatIlovethathelovesme,too.”
“Well,thatsoundsawholelotmorefunthanlookingatacomputerscreenallday.”Hechuckled.“Iamsorrythatitdidn’tworkout,butI’mgladthatyouknowwhatyouwant.”
Hecouldhavebeenangry.They’dinvestedinmecomingonboard,butIguessthatwasjustpartofthegamewhenitcametocorporateAmerica.They’dwinsome,andthey’dlosesome,andtheyaccountedforthatfinancially.Ithoughtaboutofferingmytwoweeks’notice,butI’donlybeenhereforaweek,soIcertainlywouldn’tneedtotrainanybodybecauseIhadn’tevenfiguredoutthepositionyet.I’dalreadyspokentoJulia,andIknewshewasreadytostepuptothechallenge.
“Thankyou.Iappreciateyoubeingsosupportive.”
“Ofcourse.Ihopeyoufindwhatyou’relookingfor.”
Webothmovedtoourfeet,andIshookhishand.“Thatmeanstheworld
tome.AndIdefinitelywill.I’llhavemythingsoutoftheapartmentinafewdays.”
“Takeyourtime.ThoughI’mguessingyou’reinahurrytogethome.”
“Somethinglikethat,”Isaid,holdingupmyhandandwavingathimbeforesteppingoutofhisoffice.
WhenIturneddownthelonghallwaytowardthereceptionarea,Iheardmynamebeingmentioned.
“You’rehereforLilaJames?”Vipurred,andhervoicesoundedunusuallyflirty,andshegiggledaftershesaidit.
Iguessedsomeonegood-lookingwasmostlikelydroppingoffanotherpileofworkforme.OnethatIwouldn’tbetakingwithmeonmywayoutthedoor.
Icouldn’twipethesmileoffmyfacewhenIcamearoundthefinalcorner.
MymouthfellopenasIsawHughReynoldsstandingthereinallhisglory.Tallandlean,anavybluebaseballcaponhishead,apairofdarkjeans,andawhitebuttonedupthatwasevenmorewrinkledthanusual.
“Hi,”Isaid,thewordcomingoutallbreathyasIcametoastopafewfeetfromhim.
Mylegsweren’tmoving,asIwasliterallystunnedthathewasstandinghere.
“Hey,Snow.”Heclosedthedistancebetweenusashistongueswipedouttowethisplumplips.Ididn’tmissthelittlegaspthatescapedViasshewatchedhimstridetowardme.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Iwhispered.
“Youforgotthis.”HeheldoutmySnowDaynotebook,andIchuckledasItookit.
“Wow.Youcameallthewayheretogivemethenotebook?”Myvoicewasallteasebecausethewayhewasgrinningatmemadeitclearthatwasn’tthereasonhewashere.
“Well,youleftthelastthingonthelistunchecked.WhatkindofguywouldIbeifIdidn’thelpyourectifythatquickly?”
“Youdidhelpcheckquiteafewofthoseoffthelist,didn’tyou?”Imovedforward,mychestbumpingintohisasItippedmyheadbacktolookathim.Hishandloopedaroundmywaist,tuggingmeforward,andheturnedhiscaparoundandwinkedatme.
“Isuredid.Anditinspiredmetomakemyownlist.Ididitontheplaneridehere.”
“Isthatso?”Iasked,mybreathscominghardandfast.Ididn’tevencarethatweweredoingthisinthemiddleofthereceptionareawithViwatchinguslikeshewaswatchingamovie.
Hereachedintohisbackpocketandpulledoutapieceofpaper.
“Ionlyhaveonethingonthelist,becauseonlyonethingmatters.”
Iglanceddownatthepaper.
#1.Gogetyourgirl.
Ididn’tneedtospeakanotherword.Myarmsreachedupforhim,andheliftedmeoffthefloor,mylegscomingaroundhiswaist.Iburiedmyfaceinthecrookofhisneck,breathinghimin.
Hestartedwalkingandpushedthroughthedoorsuntilwewereoutofthewaitingareaneartheelevators.
“Idon’twanttogetyouintroubleatwork,”hesaidagainstmyear.“ButIneededtosaysomethingtoyou,anditcouldn’twaitanotherminute.”
Hesetmedownonthefloor,andIswipedatthetearsrollingdownmyface.IgaspedasItookhiminandnoticedthebruiseonhischeek.
“Whathappened?”Ireachedupandfeatheredmyfingersacrossthediscoloredbumpthatwasthere.
“Yourbrotherknows.HeactuallytookitmuchbetterthanIthoughthewould.”
“Mybrotherknowswhat?”Iasked,shakingmyhead.
“ThatI’minlovewithyou.ThatI’mmovingtoChicagoifthat’swhereyouwanttogivethisatry.BecauseI’mall-in,Snow.AndI’llfollowyouwhereveryouwanttogo.”
Icouldn’tspeak.I’dwaitedsolongtohearhimsaythosewordstome.Ishookmyhead,tryingtopushdownthelumplodgedinmythroat,robbingmeofmywordsinthismoment.
“Takeyourtime,”hesaid,smilingashislargehandrestedonthesideofmyneckwhilehisthumbstrokedmycheek.
“Iloveyou,”Isaid,asIfinallycalmedmybreathingandpulledmyselftogether.
“Iloveyou,too.”
“YoutoldTravis,andhehityou?”
“Yep.Ithoughthe’dhitmeacoupletimes,buthejustneededtoreact,andIdon’tknow,hejustlookedatme,andIthinkhesawitthere.”
“Whatdidhesee,Bear?”
“Amanwho’sinlovewithhissister.Amanwho’slosinghismindbecausetheloveofhislifeisgone,andhedidn’tgettotellherhowhefelt.”
“Ihatedthewayweleftthings,andthenIdidn’tknowwhattodowhenIgothere.Iwasn’tsurehowyoufelt,andI’vejustbeensomiserable,”Isaid,thelastwordbreakingonasob.
Hewrappedhisarmsaroundmeandpulledmeclose.“I’msorryIdidn’tdosomethingsooner.IknewhowIfeltforalongtime,andIshouldhavemannedup.Iwasjustsoafraidofholdingyouback,andIdidn’tknowhowtomakeitworkwithmethereandyouhere.Butthat’snotanissueanymore.Irealizedthatbeingwithyouismoreimportantthananythingelse.”
Ipulledbackandlookedupathim.“Whatdoesthatmean?”
“ItmeansthatIfoundawaytocomehereifyouwantmeto.”
“Whatabouttherestaurants?Andyourfamily?YourlifeisinCottonwoodCove.”
“Mylifedoesn’tworkwithoutyou.”Hisforeheadcamedowntotouchmine.“That’sthetruth.Igowhereyougo.”
Ichuckled.“Well,I’vegotgoodnewsforyou.”
“Idon’tknow,Snow.Ithinkmynewsisgoingtobehardtobeat.”
“Ithinkyou’reright.”Ipulledback,takingbothofhishandsinmine.“Ijustquitmyjob.Ikindofhateithere.Iwanttogohome.Withyou.Iwanttoworkattherestauranteverydayandskinnydipinthecoveeverynight.”
“Damn.Yournewsjusttrumpedmine.”Hewaggledhisbrows.“Butyoudon’thavetodecideanythingtoday.Howaboutwegobacktoyourplaceandskinnydipinthetub?Orwecanjustgetnakedandgetinbed.”
“Nowyou’respeakingmylanguage,”Isaid,asIbumpedmyshoulderagainsthissideandtuggedhimovertotheelevatorsandpressedthebuttontogodown.
Whenthedoorsopenedandwesteppedontotheelevator,herushedme,mybackpressingintothecorner,hischestpressedagainstmine.“Ifuckingmissedyou.”
“Imissedyou,too.I’msogladyou’rehere.”
Thedoorsopened,andheledmeoutside.“Wheredoyoulive?”
“Aboutablockdownthatway.”Ipointedtotheright,andhemovedsofasthecaughtmeoffguard.Hescoopedmeup,andonceagain,mylegswrappedaroundhiswaist,andmyheadfellbackinlaughterashestartedtojoginthatdirection.
“Ineedtogetyoutherenow,”hesaid,ashecontinuedtorundownthestreetwithpeoplestaringatusaswemovedbythem.AndIdidn’tcareonebit.
ThatwasthethingaboutHugh.Hetaughtmehowtohavefunandhowtodothethingsthatmakeyouhappy.
Andhemademehappy.
“YoudoknowthatI’mafairlyfastrunner,right?”Isaidovermylaughterasweapproachedmybuilding.“We’rehere.”
“AreyoureallygoingtopulloutthenationaltitlewhenIjustsprintedallthewayherewithyouinmyarms?”heteased,ashesetmedownontheground.
“Ithinkyoucouldgivemearunformymoney.”
Anotherelevatorrideuptomyapartmentbeforewefinallypushedinsidethedoor.
Wewerealoneforthefirsttime.
Hughwhistled.“Fancy.Yousureyouwanttoleaveallthisbehind?”
“Theonlyappealingthingtomeinthisapartmentisthemanstandinginfrontofmewithhiscaponbackwardandthatbathtubinthebathroom.”
“Ahhhh…Icanworkwiththat,”hesaid,ashestalkedtowardmeandthenthrewmeoverhisshoulderandsmackedmyass.“Letmeseetheplace.”
“Icouldgiveyouatourifyou’dputmedown,”Isaid,overafitoflaughter.
“Ilikelookingaroundandhavingyoursweetlittleassrightnexttomyface.”Hiswordswerealltease,butIsqueezedmythighstogetherbecauseIknewthatwewouldbenakedwithinseconds.
Hetossedmeontothebed,andIbounced,unabletostopsmiling.“Didyoumissmysweetlittleass?”
“Damnstraight,Snow.Imissedeverythingaboutyou.Yourlips.”Hehoveredoverme,andhismouthcoveredmine.Mylipsparted,andhistongueslippedinsidebeforehepulledawayasIsquirmedbeneathhim.“Imissedyourface.Andyourbeautifulfuckingbody.Anddon’tevengetmestartedaboutyourtits.”
Hishandslippedbeneathmyblouseandmovedupmysideuntilhecuppedmybreast,tweakingmynippleandmakingmegasp.
“Notmycooking,huh?”Mybreathswerecominghardandfastashemovedtomyotherbreast.
“Oh,yeah.Thepancakesandthebacon.Idefinitelymissedthose,too.ButyouknowwhatelseImissed?”
“What?”Iwhispered.
“ThesoundofyoucomingonmylipswhenIburymyfacebetweenyourlegsandlickyouuntilyoucan’ttakeanymore.”
“Imissedthat,too,”Isaid,smilingupathimashetuggedmypencilskirtup,lettingthefabricgatheraroundmywaist.
“Well,wecan’thavethat,canwe?”
Andjustlikethat,hetuggedmedowntotheedgeofthebed,droppedtohisknees,andshowedmeexactlywhatI’dbeenmissing.twenty-nineHugh
We’dspentafewdaysinChicagofiguringoutwhatwewantedtodo,andLilafeltstronglyaboutheadingbacktoCottonwoodCove.She’dalreadystartedtalkingaboutusexpandingtherestauranttogether,anditwasthemostexcitedthatI’dbeensinceI’dstartedthisventure.Becausedoingitwithherwasalotmorefunthandoingitonmyown.AndWolfhadbeenpleasedthathewouldn’tneedtobeintherestaurantbusinessjustyet,buthehadremindedmeofhisoffertopartnerupifwediddecidetoopeninthecity.
We’dbeenhomefortwoweeks,andLilahadofficiallymovedinwithme.She’dalsostartedhelpingcoachthecross-countryteamoveratthehighschoolafewdaysaweek,andIcouldtellthatitwassomethingshefeltreallygoodabout.
Nooneseemedsurprisedatallthatweweretogether,andTravishadcompletelyembracedthefactthatIwasdatinghissisternow.We’devendouble-datedtwicesincewe’dbeenbackhome.
Lilahadspentsometimewithherbrotherandherfatherwhenwereturned,makingitknownthatshewasn’thappyinChicago,becauseifshewere,wewouldbothstillbethere.
Noquestionaboutit.
ShewantedtocomebacktoCottonwoodCovebecauseshefeltlikeitwashome.ShewantedtobenearherfatherandherbrotherandShayandtoseethenewbabyoftenonceheorshewasborn.Herfriends,myfamily,allthepeoplethatlovedherherewereallthethingsthatmadethishome.
Butitwasimportanttheyknewthatshedidn’tneedtocomehomeortogiveuphercareerforme.BecauseIwouldfollowthisgirlanywhereshewantedtogo.
Lilahadbeensurprisedtoseehercarinthedrivewaywhenwe’dreturned.I’dinformedherthatIwasn’tgoingtobuythesamedamncartwice,andIdemandedthatBraxtakeitoffthelotandbringittomyhouse.She’dlaughedherassoffandthankedmebydroppingtoherkneesassoonaswe’dwalkedthroughthedoor.
Nowthatwe’dadmittedhowwefelt,andeverythingwasoutintheopen,wecouldn’tseemtokeepourhandstoourselves.I’dneverbeenaguywhoenjoyedPDAofanykind,butwithLila,Ididn’tfuckingcare.Ifshewasintheroom,myhandswereonher.
Iwasdowninmyoffice,andLilawasupstairsdoingsomeinventorywhilewegotreadytocloseup.I’dcomedownheretoturnoffmycomputerbeforewewenthomefortheday.Myphonebuzzedonmydesk,andIleanedbackinmychairwhenIsawitwasatextfromCageinoursiblinggroupchat.
Cage
Mrs.Remingtonjustbroughtherpug,Mr.Wigglestein,intotheofficeandaskedmeifIknewofanysinglefemalepugsthatwerelookingforlove.Apparently,shewantstobreedhim.DoesshethinkI’mrunningafuckingdatingappfordogs?
It’snotabadidea.There’ssomeoneoutthereforeveryone,brother.<hearteyesemoji>
Finn
Yep.IfHughReynoldscansettledown,Idon’tseewhythepugcan’t.
Brinkley
IlovesappyHughsomuch.
Georgia
IloveHugheybeingallgooeyforhisgirl.So,whileyou’refeelingsohappy…ifshebreedsMr.Wigglestein,canIgetababyWigglesteinandhaveitlivewithmeinthecasita?
Cage
Firstoff,itpissesmeoffwhenpeopleusesalutationsonanimals.He’snotacongressman.He’safuckingdog,whohappenstohavemajorbreathingproblems,andsheshouldfocusonkeepinghimalive,notprocreating.Secondly,youdon’thaveajobyet,butyou’realreadyadoptingananimal?Doyouknowhowmuchworktheyare,Georgie?
Georgia
Oh,whatwasthat?Ifellasleepforaminute.Itmusthavebeenthefactthatyou’regivingmethatsameoldbroken-recordspeechthatI’veheardonrepeatsinceIstartedcollege.<sleepingemoji>
Aslongasyoutakecareofit,anditdoesn’tshitinmyhouse,I’dbefinewithit.
Finn
Cage,doyourememberwhenHughpoopedinthehousewhenhewasaroundfiveyearsoldbecausehewantedtomeasureit,sohetookabigshitbehindMom’sfakeFicustree?
Cage
Ido.Becauseheusedmyblueschoolrulertomeasurehisgiantcrapandgothisshitalloverit.
Hugh
Hey,bighands.Bigfeet…Bigshit.Thatthingwasagoodeightinches.Notbadforafive-year-old.
Brinkley
Ewwww…Nomoreshittalk.I’mcurrentlystalkingafootballplayerwhorefusestogivemeanexclusiveinterview.RemindmewhyIchosesportsjournalism.Icouldjustbereportingonthelocalnews,andlifewouldbemucheasier.
Georgia
Becauseyouhadacrushonthatfootballplayer,JohnnyWalker,inhighschool.
JohnnieWalkerisabrandofscotch.ShehadacrushonWillieNelson.
Finn
WillieNelsonisacountrysinger.ItwasJohnnyNelson.Haveyouallbeendippinginthesaucealready?
Brinkley
DamnthatJohnnyNelsonformakingmethinkthiswouldbeeasy.Thatkidwasputtyinmyhands.
Georgia
Well,Dadalwayssays,nothingworthfightingforevercomeseasy.
Finn
IfIhadanickelforeverytimethatIhaven’tgottenapartIauditionedforandDadhassaidthat…
You’dhaveafuckingquarter?You’vegottenalmosteverythingyou’veeverauditionedfor.
Finn
Lookatyou,pumpingmeup.Ihavetoagreewiththegirls.IlovesoftHugh.
Nothingsoftaboutme,fucker.
Finn
Thereheis.ButIdolikeseeingyouhappy,brother.
Cage
Yougoingtojustkeepplayinghouse,orareyougoingtoputaringonit?
DidyouseriouslyjustquoteBeyonce?
AdozenBeyoncememescameflyingthroughourtextchain,andIlaughedmyassoff.
“What’ssofunnydownhere?”Lilaasked,assheappearedinthedoorway.
IknewthatI’dmarryher,soonerratherthanlater.
Butweweren’tinarush.
Wewereenjoyingthemoment.
“Youknow,theusual.CagejustquotedBeyonce.”Ipushedtomyfeet.“Iseveryonegone?”
“Yep.KlineandDaniellejustleft.Wejustneedtoturnoffthelightsinthekitchen,andeverythingelseisdone.”
“Ilovewhenyoutalkshoptome,Snow,”Isaid,followingherupthestairsandwatchinghercuteassswayinthelittleskirtshewaswearing.
“Well,yourdadaskedmetogrababottleofwinehewantedtotry,solet’sjustgetthatfirstbeforeweheadout.Wecandropitbytomorrowonourwaytowork.”
Ifollowedherintothebar,andshereacheduptogetthebottleshewanted.Icameupbehindherandgrabbediteasily,mychesttoherback.Isetthebottledownonthecounter,andmyhandsmovedtoherthighsbeforeslidingbeneathherskirt.Shesuckedinabreath,andIfuckinglovedhowresponsiveshewaseverysingletimeItouchedher.
Mydickstrainedagainstmyjeans,andmylipsfoundherneck.“Ithinkweshouldaddfuckinginthebartothelist.”
“I’dbegoodwiththat.Ialreadylockedup,”shewhispered.Myfingersmovedbeneaththelaceofherpantiestofindhersoaked.
“Alwayssowetandreadyforme.”InibbledonherearlobeasIslippedafingerinside.
“Bear,”shesaid,asImovedmyfingerinandout,teasingherthewayIknewshelikedtobeteased.
“Youlikethat,baby?”Iasked,movingmylipstotheothersideofherneck.
Iwouldnevergetenoughofthiswoman.
“Yes,”shesaid,lettingherheadfallbackonmycollarbone.
Ipulledmyhandawayjustlongenoughtounbuttonmyjeansandlowermyzipper,freeingmythrobbingcock.Iliftedherskirtandslidherlacepantiesover.
Sheturnedherheadtotheside,offeringmehersweetmouth,justasIplungedintoher.IkissedherasImovedinsideher,ourbreathstheonlyaudiblesoundintheroom,mytongueandmydickmovingatthesamespeed.Lilafellforward,andmyhandwrappedaroundher,findinghersweetspot,knowingjustwhatsheneeded.
“Ifuckingloveyou,Snow.”
“Iloveyou.”ShegaspedasImovedfaster,andshemetmethrustforthrust.
“Comeforme,”Idemanded.
Shecriedoutmynameasshewentovertheedge.AndIwasrighttherewithher.Ipumpedintoheronemoretimeasshetightenedaroundme,andIfollowedherintooblivion.
Agutturalsoundescapedmythroat,andlightsshotbehindmyeyelidsasIcontinuedridingoutmypleasurewhilecirclingherclitasshebuckedagainstme.
Nothinghadeverfeltasgoodasthiswoman.
Notevenclose.
Iwrappedmyarmsaroundheraswebothcaughtourbreath.
“Howdoesitgetbettereverytime?”shewhispered.
“Becauseweweremadeforoneanother.”
Ain’tthatthefuckingtruth.
***
Thanksgivingwashere,andmymotherlivedfortheholidays.Mysiblingswereallintown,andthewinewasflowing,thehousesmelledliketurkey,andIhadmygirlbymyside,whichwasallthatmattered.
TravisandShaywerehere,andshewasreadytopopanydaynow.TatehadbeensoberforoverfourmonthsandhadstarteddatingCamilleMcCallister,Del’smom,whichLilaandDelwerethrilledabout.SothatmeantDel,herboyfriend,Quincy,andhersister,Jory,wereallhere,aswell.Mymom’sfavoritesayingwasthemorethemerrier,soshelovedthatourgroupwasgrowing.
“Yeah,I’mnotfeelingthis,”Finnsaid,ashehuddledinthecornerwithmeandCage,referringtohisdate,Cami,who’dgonestraighttothetequilawhenshegothereandwasalreadythreesheetstothewindandmakingquiteascene.
“Whydoyoubringwomenyoubarelyknowtofamilyevents?”Cageasked,raisingabrowandmakingitclearhedidn’tapprove.
“Ihookedupwithherafewdaysago,andshesaidshedidn’thaveanywheretogoforThanksgivingwhilewewereinthemiddleofsex.WhatwasIsupposedtosay?”
“Howabout,it’sweirdtotalkabouttheholidayswhileI’minsideyou?Thatwouldbeagoodfuckingstart.”Ouroldestbrotherdidnothidehisirritation.
“Whyareyouannoyed?She’smyfuckingdate,”Finnwhisper-hissed.
“Becauseshebelchedinmyface,andshesmelledliketunaandsoysauceandtequila.Doyouknowwhatthatdoestoaman’sappetite?Yeah.It’snotagoodcombo.”
“Younarcissisticbastard.Shejustshovedhertonguedownmythroat.I’mthevictim.”Finnthrewhishandsintheair,andIcouldn’thelpbutlaugh
IlookeduptoseeLilawatchinguswithabigsmileonherface.Mygazelockedwithhers,andshebitdownonherbottomlip,andIswearittookeverythinginmenottohaulherassintothebathroomandtakeherrightnow.
Ilovedthiswomanlikecrazy,andI’dnevergetenoughofher.
“Oh,forfuck’ssake.Nowwehavethisweepysaptodealwitheverytimewe’reinastressfulsituation.”Cageflickedmeintheshoulderhard.“Hello?We’redealingwithacrisis,andyou’relookinglikealovesickmotherfucker.”
“He’sgotadatewhohasbadbreath.That’syourcrisis?”Iraisedabrow.
“Well,Dad’sovertherecompletelycluelessthatshe’swasted,andhe’sshowingherhisrecordcollection.Shelookslikeshe’sgoingtotoppleoverBebetter,Finn.”Cagecrossedhisarmsoverhischest,andFinnbarkedoutalaugh.
“Biteme,youarrogantprick,”Finnhissed.
“You’reanactor.Can’tyoudobetterthanthat?”Cagetauntedhim,andIturnedtoseeTraviswalkover.
Heclappedmeontheshoulder.“Well,remindmetokeepmymouthshutuntilShaygivesbirth.”
“Whathappened?”Iasked,andIlookeduptoseeLilawithherhandonShay’sbelly,smilinglikesomethingmagicalwashappening.
“Hmmm…let’ssee.Shaysaidshewasstarving,soImademyselfaplateofappetizers,which,bytheway,yourmothermakesthebestdeviledeggs.Anyway,Imadeheraplate,too,becauseshesaysI’mnotthoughtful.ButwhenIhandhertheplate,sheglaresatmeandsaysIshouldknowthatshedoesn’teatdeviledeggs.HowthefuckwouldIknowthatwhenshe’snevertoldme?”
Everyonelaughed,andIshookmyhead.“She’sreallypregnant,dude.It’llpass.Didyougethersomethingelse?”
“Funnyyoushouldask.Iwentbackandgothersomechipsanddip.”Hepausedandglancedateachoneofus.“Sheproceedstotellmethatshehasn’tbeenabletoeatsourcreamdipsincehersecondtrimester,andshe’sappalledthatIdon’tknowthat.Ican’tfuckingwin.”
“What’ssofunnyoverhere?”Brinkleyasked,asshesidledupbesidemeandleanedinwherewewerehuddledtogether.
“Finn’sdateisatrainwreck,andTravishaspissedoffhispregnantwife.”Cageshrugged.
“Well,here’ssomescoopforyou,”Brinkleywhispered.“Georgiesaidshebrokethingsoffwiththatjerkofaboyfriend.”
“Dikson?”Finnasked.
“Diktok,”Icorrected.
“It’sDikota,youwienerschnitzels,”shesaid,shakingherhead.“He’soldnews.Done.Donezo.”
“Yeah,wegetit.They’redone.ThankfreakingGodshekickedhisasstothecurb.Thatguywastheworst.Well,Karenwastheworst.Dikmunchwasaclosesecond.”Cagesmirked.
“Youneedawoman.You’refartoocynicalforamanyourage.”Brinkleyraisedabrowatouroldestbrother,andIcouldn’thelpbutlaugh.
“Idojustfine.Don’tyouworryaboutme.”
“Uh,Finn.YourdatejustvomitedonDad,”Isaid,asLilaandDelrantowardhimwithtowels.
“Yousurecanpick‘em,Finny.”Brinkleylaughed.
“Yeah.I’llbetakingherhomenow.”
Everyonewashurryingaroundmyfather,who,ofcourse,wastellingCamithatitwasfineandnottoworrybecauseshewasincompletehystericsnow.
CagegotcalledawaybyGracie,andTravismovedtoShay’sside.Shesmiledupathim,andheshotmeacrazylookoverhisshoulder,whichmeantthathehadnoideawhyshewassmilingathim.Brinkleyslappedmeontheshoulderandsaidshewasgoingtogetanothercocktail.
Mymothermovedbesideme.“Hey.Anothereventfulnight,huh?”
“Somethinglikethat.Youdidagoodjob,Mama.Itwasperfect.”
“Perfectisoverrated.Itwasgoodfoodandacrazygroup,withasideofvomit.SoundslikeagoodThanksgivingtome.”Shechuckled.“Butdoyouknowwhathasmadethisholidayextraspecial?”
“What?”Iasked,placinganarmaroundhershoulder.
Sheglancedoverhershouldertomakesurenoonewasaround.“Youtakingmewithyouyesterdaytopickoutthering…Itmeanttheworldtometogettobepartofthatwithyou.Toseethethoughtthatyouputbehindit,andthefactthatyouknowyou’vefoundthepersonyouwanttospendtherestofyourlifewith.”
“There’snooneelseIwouldhavewantedbesidemewhenIchoseit.”
“Youdidreallywell,sweetie.Anddon’tevengetmestartedaboutthewayyoulookatoneanother;it’sreallysomething.”
Normally,Iwouldrollmyeyesatacommentlikethat,butnotthistime.
Becauseshewasright.
Iguessourparentsknewbetterthanwedidbecausetheysaidwe’dknowwhenitwasright,andtheyweren’tfuckingkiddingaround.
BecauseeverythingaboutLilaJameswasright.
AndI’dwantedmymomwithmewhenIpickedouttheringthatIwouldgiveherwhenIaskedhertomarryme.
“Thankyou.Ithinkshe’sgoingtoloveit.”
Shekissedmycheek,andmyfathercalledouttohertoaskifwehadanygingerale.“TimetogoputoutFinn’slatestfire.”
Ichuckledasshewalkedtowardthekitchen,andLilacameovertomeandsteppedrightintomyarms,andIwrappedherup.
“Neveradullmoment,”Isaid,asIkissedthetopofherhead.
“That’swhatIlovemostaboutthis.”Shetippedherheadbacktolookupatme.“Lookaround,Bear.Mydad’shere,andhe’sactuallydatingforthefirsttimeintwodecades.MybrotherandShayarehavingababy.CageisteachingGraciehowtoplayGoFishoverthere.BrinkleyisgivingGeorgiedatingadvice,whichisbasicallythatallmensuck,andsheshouldstayaway.Finniscleaningupvomitbecausehedidn’tknowhisdatewasabitofalush.”Herheadfellbackinlaughter.
“Isthereapointtothismadness?”
“Everyoneisliving,andthere’snothingbetterthanthat.”Sheshrugged
“Andwhataboutus?”
Sheturnedinmyarmsandfacedme.“I’mexactlywhereIwanttobe,withthepersonIwanttobewith.I’dsaywe’relivingthebestwaypossible.”
Ileaneddownandkissedthetipofhernose.“Icouldn’tagreemore.Howaboutweliveevenbetterbysneakingoutthebackdoorandheadinghome,whereIcangetyounakedinfrontofthefire?”
“Ilikethesoundofthat.”
“Doyouneedtogosaygoodbyetoyourdad?”Iasked.
Sheglancedoverhershoulderandthenlookedbackatmeandsmiled.“Nope.Ithinkthey’reallgoingtobefine.Tonight,I’monlygoingtoworryaboutyou,HughReynolds.”
Well,youdon’thavetotellmetwice.Igrabbedherandflippedherovermyshoulder,settlingmyhandoverherassassheburstoutinafitofgiggles.
“Somuchforbeinginconspicuous!”sheshouted.“Goodbye.HappyThanksgiving.We’reheadinghome.”
Iheldonehandovermyheadandwaved,andIheardtheroomeruptinlaughter,butIdidn’teventurnaroundandsaygoodbye.
Iranrightoutthebackdoortowardmyhouse,withmyhandslippedbeneathherskirtandherlaughterfillingtheairaroundme.
Shewasright—thiswasthebestkindofliving.
Iwouldn’thaveitanyotherway.epilogueLila
HughandIwerehostingagraduationdinnerforGeorgia,aswe’dallbeeninthecityforherceremonythismorning.She’ddrivenbacktoCottonwoodCovewithusbecausehercarwasintheshop,andwe’dspenttherestofthedaysettingupforherparty.
Ihurriedtoourroomtochangeintomydarkskinnyjeans,creamsweater,andtallbrownbootsthatcamepastmyknee.GeorgiaandIhadgoneshoppingtogetherinthecityafewweeksago,andI’dfalleninlovewiththeseboots.Itwascoldnowaswewereinmid-December,andwe’djustgottenourfirstsnowfall.Therewasn’talotontheground,butithaddefinitelystuck,andwiththefloor-to-ceilingwindowsinthehouse,itlookedlikeawinterwonderlandoutside.Ihadthefireplacesgoinginthefamilyroomandthelivingroom,andwe’dputupourChristmastreethedayafterThanksgiving.Thehousewasfestive,andIhadcandlesburning,sothewholeplacesmelledlikepine.
HughhadruntoReynolds’withhisbrotherstopickupthefood,andIwasn’tsurewhatwastakingsolong,butwhenthosethreegottogether,youneverknew.Brinkleyhadjustgottenhere,andshewasfillingmeinonthisfootballplayerwhowasrefusingtomeetwithher.
“Someoftheseguysarejustsofullofthemselves,”shesaid,reachingforherwineglass.“Andit’ssomaledominatedwithreportersthatyouhavetobepushy.”
“Well,weknowyou’regoodatthat.”Georgialaughed.“Youwillnotbepushedaroundbyabunchofcockydudes.”
Ichuckled,andBrinkleynodded,turningherattentiontoheryoungersister.“Damnstraight.So,tellusaboutthisinterviewyouhavenextweek.”
“It’ssortofembarrassing,consideringIjustgraduatedfromcollege,buttheartgallerypayisjustsolowthatIcouldn’taffordtoworkthereandliveinthecity.So,theschoolsetmeupwithaninterviewwiththatpublishingcompany,LancasterPress.Theymovedherefromthecitynotthatlongago.”
“Yes.Lotsofcompaniesareleavingthehustleandbustleofthecityandmovingtheirhubstomoreresidentialareas.Thecostofrentismuchlower,andithelpstheeconomyforthesesmallertownsbecauseitofferslotsofnewjobstotheresidents.TheLancastersboughtthewholebuildingdowntown,sotheyhaveatonofspace,andIheardthatsomepeoplestillcommutefromthecity,buttheyhiredalotofpeoplethatlivehere,aswell,”Isaid.IwasobviouslyintriguedasIstudiedfinanceandwatchedthemarketclosely.WithHughwantingtoopenanewplaceinthecity,therewasalottoconsiderfinancially.
“Oh,yeah.Iheardthedudethatrunsit,MaddoxLancaster,isinhislate-twentiesandisabroody,hotplayboy.”Brinkleywaggledherbrows.
“Howdoyoupossiblyknowthis?”Georgiaasked.
“I’mareporter.It’smyjobtoknowthings.AndI’dhearabouthimwhenhelivedinthecity.Superrichfamilyanddrop-deadgorgeous,soeverybodywantedtogettheirclawsintheguy.TheLancastersarelikethefirstfamilyofSanFrancisco.Buthe’salwaysphotographedwithdifferentsocialitesatevents,andI’veyettoseehiminarelationship.Buthisprivatelifehasbeenkeptvery…private.”
“Well,itiscalledaprivatelifeforareason.”Ichuckled.“Andmybrothersaidherecentlyboughtthatbigspechousethathebuiltlastyear.Thatplaceismassive.”
“Great.Arich,cockyplayboy.Thisoughttobelotsoffun.”Georgiarolledhereyes.
“So,whatdoesthejobentail?”Iasked.
“Apparently,theguyneedsafull-timeadministrativeassistantbecausehe’ssoimportant.”Georgiareachedforherwineglass.“AndIneedajobbecauseI’mprettybroke.Idon’twanttobeshackingupwithyouandHughforever.Youneedyourprivacy.”
Georgiawasmovingintothecasita.
“Don’tbesilly.We’rebothlookingforwardtohavingyouhere.”
“IjusthopeIgetthisjobbecauseeverythingelsepaysprettycrappy,andIdon’tneedalecturefromCage.He’stryingtogetmetocomeworkatthefrontdeskathisoffice.Idonotneedtobeworkingformybrother.”
“You’regoingtogetthejob.Youjustgraduatedfromcollege;you’reoverqualified.Andyou’dbetheperfectassistant,”Brinkleysaid.
“Youthinkso?”
“Yes,”wesaidattheexactsametimeandlaughed.
“Yourcalendariscolorcoordinated,”Iremindedher.“You’realwaysbrightandsunny,whichmakesforaperfectassistant,andyou’reupbeatandorganized.”
“You’llgetthisgigbecauseyou’rebrilliantandsmartandtalented.Heshouldbesolucky,”Brinkleysaid.
Thedoorflewopen,andjustlikethat,everyonestartedpouringinallatonce.IhurriedtohelpHughgetthefoodoutonthekitchenisland,andweallateandlaughedandtalked.GraciewastryingtoconvinceHughtogetapuppy,andthenshemadeherwayovertome,knowingthatI’dbetheweakerlink.Ipickedherupandwalkedovertomyboyfriend,andwebothstartedinonhim.
“Whydon’tyougetthedog?”Hughaskedhisbrother,andhedidn’thidehisannoyance.SayingnotoGraciewasnoteasyforhim.
IcouldseeHughasafatherwhenIwatchedhimwithhisniece.Iwassurprisedhoweasyitwasformetoseeourfuture.I’dalwaysbeenlookingtowardthefutureinregardtowhatIneededtoachieve,butnotanymore.I’darrivedexactlywhereIwasmeanttobe,andIknewthatthismanwasmyforever.Isawuswithahousefulofkidsandgrowingoldtogether.
“BecauseI’mwithanimalsallday,andGracieisstilltooyoungtotakeonthatmuchresponsibility.Butifyouaregoingtoletafour-year-oldworkyou,andbeabigmarshmallow,that’sonyou.”
Hughbarkedoutalaugh.“SaysthemanwhodressedlikeaunicornforHalloween.”
Cagereachedforhisdaughterandkissedheronthecheek.“GoaskGrandmaifshelikesdogs.”
Hesetherdown,andsheranoff.
“I’mgettingherthedamndogforChristmas.I’mjusttryingtokeepitasurprise,”Cagehissed,andHughwrappedanarmaroundmyshoulder.
“So,who’sthemarshmallownow?”
“I’mthefuckingmarshmallow.Isthatwhatyouwanttohear?”Cagemovedtowardtheislandtogetasecondplateoffood.
Hughleaneddownclosetomyear.“Hey.Ihavealittlesurpriseforyouafterwegeteveryoneoutofhere.”Histonguedippedouttowethislips,andIcouldfeelmycheeksheat.Somethingaboutthewayhelookedatmegotmeeverydamntime.
“Whatareyouupto?Youdidn’talreadygetadog,didyou?”Iwhispered,myhandsmovingbeneathhishoodysoIcouldfeelhiswarmskinasIslidupthesidesofhisribs.
“It’snotadog,butIthinkyou’lllikeit.”HenippedatmybottomlipjustasGeorgiebarreledupbesideus
“Ihatetoruinthissteamfestgoingonoverhereinthemiddleofyourkitchenduringmygraduationparty,”shesaid,withagoofysmileonherface.“Canwedocakenow,becauseabunchofmyhighschoolfriendswanttomeetoveratGarrity’stocelebrate.”
Ipulledmyhandsaway,alreadymissingthefeelofhimbeneathmyfingertips.BrinkleyandAlanametmeattheisland,andtheystartedclearingofftheplattersasIpulledoutthegraduationcake.IheardHughgivinghisyoungestsisteradviceaboutherinterviewnextweek,andhetoldhertojustbeherself.AndthenCagewalkedupandtoldheritwasallaboutsellingyourself.Finnjumpedinandtoldherthatmeninpowerfulpositionslikeconfidentwomen,sogointhereandactlikeyouowntheroom.Andthenallthreeofthemarguedaboutwhoseadvicewasbetter.
Everyonegatheredaroundtheisland,andweallcongratulatedGeorgiabeforecuttingthecutecakethatwastheshapeofagiantgraduationcap.
I’dpushedforHughtohireapastrychefwhoI’dinterviewedfortherestaurant,andhe’dagreed.Peopleweresocrazyaboutthedesserts,wewereconsideringopeningasmallbakeryintheopenspacenexttoReynolds’.Ilovedbrainstormingwithhimaboutdifferentwaysthatwecouldgrowthebusiness,butmaybethatwasjustbecauseIlovedbeingwithhimsomuch.
Weatecake,andchatterfilledtheopenspacebeforeGeorgiasaidsheneededtogo.EveryonestartedtheinfamousReynoldsgoodbye,makingtheirroundsandheadingoutthedoor.AlanahuggedHughalittlelongerthanusual,pattinghischeekandbeamingupathim.Theyweresuchalovingfamily,andIwasthrilledtofeellikesuchapartofit.
Onceeveryonewasgone,Hughgotmycoatandhelpedmeslipintoit.“Iwanttoshowyousomething.”
“Okay,”Isaid,curiouswhatthisbigsurprisewas.Hezippeduphiscoatandthenputabeanieovermyheadbeforegrabbinghis.
“Comeon.”Hereachedformyhandandledmeoutthedooranddownthestreetbeforecuttingupthepathtothecove.Itwasourfavoriteplacetogolateatnightwhenthetidewascomingin.
“Wasyourmomokaytonight?Shegaveyouanawfullylonghug.”
“She’sjustreallyhappyforus.”Hetuggedmecloser,pullingmeinfrontofhisbigbodyandwrappinghisarmsaroundmyshoulders.
“Youaren’tplanningtoskinnydipinthatfreezingwater,areyou?”Iasked,asheheldupabranch,andIduckedbeneathit.
“Nottonight.”Hechuckled,andwecontinuedwalkingtowardthecove.
Therewerelightsupahead,andIgaspedwhenwecamearoundthefinalturn.Therewasabigblanketsetout,withrosepetalsonthegroundallaroundit.Ametalfirepitsatafewfeetaway,witharoaringflamethatIrecognizedfromourbackyard.Dozensofwhitecandles—thatwereclearlybatteryoperatedorthewholeplacewouldhavegoneupinflames—linedapathdowntotheblanket.Eventhesurroundingtreeswerecoveredinlittlewhitetwinklelights.Twovasesoverflowingwithwildflowerssatontheblanketalongsideabottleofwineandaplatterwithwhatlookedlikecupcakesandchocolate-coveredstrawberries.Myfavorite.Myhandscoveredmymouthasitnearlytookmybreathaway.IwhippedaroundwhenIrealizedHughnolongerhadhisarmsaroundme.
Therehewas.Thisbig,sexybearofaman,downononeknee.Hishairwastuckedbeneathhisbeanie,andthetwinklelightsallowedjustenoughlighttoletmeseethedepthofthosesage-greeneyesofhis.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Igasped,droppingtomykneesinfrontofhim.
“Idon’tthinkyou’resupposedtogetdownonyourknees.”Hechuckled,andIscoochedforward.
“Igowhereyougo,”Isaid,mywordsbreakingonasob.
Hesmiled,andmystomachflutteredjustlikeitalwaysdidaroundhim.Hereachedupandswipedthesingletearrollingdownmycheek.“Iloveyou,LilaMaeJames.Youmakemewanttobeabetterman.”
Asobescapedmythroat,andheleaneddown,pressinghisforeheadtomine,knowingitwouldcomfortme.“Nocrying,baby.”
“Okay,”Iwhispered,asItriedtomufflethesobthatwasslowlysneakingout.
“YoumakemewantthingsIneverknewI’dwant.AndIwantthemallwithyou.IknewtheminuteyoucameintothebartotalkaboutyourschedulethatIwasaruinedman.”Heleaneddownandkissedme.
“Willyoumarryme,Snow?”
“Yes!Yes!Yes!”Ishouted,myhandsoneachsideofhishandsomefaceasItuggedhimdownforakiss.
“Yousureaboutthat?Youwanttodoforeverwithme?”heasked,whenhepulledback.
“I’mpositive.”
Hereachedintohiscoatpocketandpulledoutalittleblackbox.Whenheopenedit,Ishookmyheadfrantically,pushingbackthetearsbecauseI’dneverseenanythingmorebeautiful.
Itwasasquarediamondonaplatinumband,withlittlediamondssurroundingit.
“Yeah?”Hetooktheringoutoftheboxandslippeditontomyfinger.
“It’sabsolutelystunning.Iloveit.Iloveyou.”Ishookmyheadwithdisbelief,stillprocessingthatallofthiswashappening.
Hughpushedtohisfeetandhelpedmetomine,leadingmeovertotheblanketbesidethefire.
“Thanksforsayingyes,”hesaid,onebrowraisedaswebothdroppeddowntosit.
“Thanksforasking,”Iteased.“Howdidyoupullallthisoff?”
“MybrothersandmyparentshelpedsetitupwhileyouhungoutwithBrinksandGeorgie.AndthenTravisandBraxweredownheregettingthefiregoingwhenItextedtosaywewereonourway.So,itwasagroupeffort.”Hechuckled.“AndIwentbytoseeyourdadafewdaysagoandaskedifhe’dbeokaywithit,andhegotallweepyandemotional.”
“Thankyouforincludinghim.Ican’tbelieveyoudidallthis.”Iglancedaround,takinginallthelittledetails.Thefiredancedinfrontofus,andthewatersplashedagainsttheshoreinthedistance.Icouldn’tthinkofamoreromanticsetting.“It’sperfectlyus.”
Heleanedclosetome,holdingupawhite-chocolatestrawberry,andIwrappedmylipsaroundit,takingabigbiteandgroaning.
IthoughtHughwouldgraboneforhimself,butinstead,hetuggedmeforward,hismouthcoveringmine.
Hekissedmelikeitwasthefirsttime.
Hekissedmelikeitwasthelasttime.
Hekissedmelikeitwasforever.
THEEND
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