MineToCherish
NatashaMadisonCopyright?2022NatashaMadison.E-BookandPrintEdition
Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthisbookmaybereproducedortransmittedinanyformorbyanymeans,electronicormechanical,includingphotocopying,recording,orbyanyinformationstorageandretrievalsystem,withoutpermissioninwriting.
Thisisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,placesandincidentsaretheproductoftheauthor’simaginationorareusedfactiously,andanyresemblancetoanyactualpersonsorlivingordead,eventsorlocalsareentirelycoincidental.
Theauthoracknowledgesthetrademarkstatusandtrademarkownersofvariousproductsreferencedinthisworkoffiction,whichhavebeenusedwithoutpermission.Thepublication/Useofthesetrademarksisnotauthorized,associatedwith,orsponsoredbythetrademarkowner.
Allrightsreserved
CoverDesign:JayAheerhttps://www.simplydefinedart.com/
EditingdonebyJennySimsEditing4Indies
ProofingJulieDeatonbyDeatonAuthorServiceshttps://www.facebook.com/jdproofs/
ProofingbyJudy’sproofreadingwww.judysproofreading.com
MinetoCherish
Clarabella
DidIwanttogetmarriedtoday?
It’shardtosaywhenheproposedinfrontofoverahundredpeople.
Everythinghappenedsofast,andIthoughtitwasjustnerves.
Itwasnot.
TheknockonthedoorshowedmethatwhatIwasfeelingwasmorethanjustcoldfeet.
Iwasarunawaybride.
Luke
Thewholetownwasbusyattendingherwedding.
ShewastheoneIletgetawaywhenItoldherournighttogetherwasamistakeandthenlefttown.
SoIplannedtospendtheweekendgettingdrunk.
Whensheranoutofthechurchlookingforahideout,Iopenedthecardoorforher.
Myone-bed-onlycabinandlonginglooksdon’tmixwell..
Somehow,Ihavetokeepmyheartintactandherreputationtogether.
Maybeshewasjustminetocherish.
CreatedwithVellumSouthernFamilyTree
SOUTHERNWEDDINGSERIESTREE
MineToHave
HarlowBarnes&TravisBaker
MineToHold
Shelby&Ace
MineToCherish
Clarabella&Luke
MineToLove
Presley&Bennett
SouthernFamilytree
BillyandCharlotte
(MotherandfathertoKallieandCasey)
SouthernChance
Kallie&JacobMcIntyre
EthanMcIntyre(SavannahSon)
Amelia
Travis
SouthernComfort
Olivia&CaseyBarnes
Quinn(SouthernHeat)
Reed(SouthernSunshine)
Harlow(MinetoHave)
SouthernStorm
Savannah&BeauHuntington
EthanMcIntyre(Jacob’sson)
Chelsea(SouthernHeart)
Toby
Keith
SouthernSunrise
Emily&EthanMcIntyre
Gabriel
Aubrey
SouthernHeart
ChelseaHuntington&MaysonCarey
Tucker
SouthernHeat
Willow&QuinnBarnes
SouthernSecrets
AmeliaMcIntyre&Asher
SouthernSunshine
Hazel&ReedBarnes
SophiaContents
SouthernFamilyTree
Prologue
Chapter1
Chapter2
Chapter3
Chapter4
Chapter5
Chapter6
Chapter7
Chapter8
Chapter9
Chapter10
Chapter11
Chapter12
Chapter13
Chapter14
Chapter15
Chapter16
Chapter17
Chapter18
Chapter19
Chapter20
Chapter21
Chapter22
Chapter23
Chapter24
Chapter25
Chapter26
Chapter27
Chapter28
Chapter29
Chapter30
EpilogueOne
EpilogueTwo
BooksByNatashaMadison
FREEBOOK!Prologue
DearestLove,
Goingtothechapelandwe’regoingtogetmar—
Hmm,aretheygoingtogetmarried?
Clarabellawillsoonbewalkingdowntheaisle.Theflowershavebeendelivered,thefoodisprepared,andthechampagneischilled.Eventhegroomisontime.But…
Thepeskylittleknockonthedoormakesallthecardscomecrashingdown.Itseemssomeoneiskeepingalittlesecret.Aneight-pound,blue-eyedsecret.
Willtheygettheirhappilyeverafter,orwasshealwaysmeantforsomeoneelse?
Onlytimewilltell!
XOXO
NMChapter1
Clarabella
“Thisisstupid,”Isaywhenthecardooropens.Ifeelsomeonegrabmyhandasshehelpsmegetoutofthecarwithablindfoldovermyeyes.
“It’snotstupid,”Shelby,mysister,hisses,holdingmyelbowandguidingmedownthepathwaytothefrontdoorofourvenuespace.
“It’ssupposedtobeasurprise,”Presley,myothersister,says,andallIcandoislaughandsecretlystarttogethives.IfthereisonethingIhate,it’sbeingsurprised.Like,ifIdidn’tknowaboutthissurprise,Iwouldmorethanlikelyturnaroundandhightailitoutofhere.
“Ihelpedplanit,forheaven’ssake,”Iwhisperbutnotreallyatthem.Theclickingofourheelsfillsthenightair.
“Well,nooneissupposedtoknowaboutthat,”Shelbysays.“ButGodforbidyouletgoofcontrolforonceinyourlife.”
Istopwalkingandlookovertowherehervoicewascomingfrom,eventhoughIstillseeblack.“Ididn’twantthisstupidpartytobeginwith.Iwanteddinnerandmaybesomedrinks.”Istoptalking.“Okay,maybealotofdrinks.ButnowheredidIwantafreakingparty!”
“Well,tellthattoEdward,”Presleysaysofmyboyfriendofthepasttwomonths.“He’stheonewhowantedthis.”
Igritmyteethtogether.“Whywouldyouevenentertainthisridiculousideafromhim?”Ishakemyhead.“Outofeveryoneelse,youtwoshouldknowbetter.”Iturn,butI’mstillblindfolded,sowhoknowsifI’mactuallylookingatthemornot.I’mpointingatwhatIhopeisoneofthem.“I’mverydisappointedinyou.”
Icanhearthemsnickering.“Goodtoknow.Nowliftyourfeet,”Shelbysays,andIknowwe’vemadeittothefoursteps.Ihuffoutasmyheartspeedsupanotchaftereachsteptowardthefrontdoor.
“Justremember,”Presleyadds,openingthedoorforme,“wetried.”
“Idon’tevenknowwhatthatmeans.”I’mpushedforward,andtheblindfoldcomesoff.Iblinkawaythedarkness,andallIseearebrightlightsuntilthefocuscomestome.
“Surprise!”everyoneyells,andIstandherestunned.ThisisnotwhatIplannedatall.Mysimpledinnerpartyfortwenty-fivewasnomore.
Itlookslikemywholefamilyishere,andasIlookaroundtheroom,IseeTravis,mybrother,andhiswife,Harlow,standingattheside,rollingtheirlipswhiletryingnottolaughatme.Harlow’shandcomesuptohermouthasshewhispers,“Sorry,”tome.
IfIdidn’thavesomanyeyesonme,Iwouldwhisperback,“Youaredeadtome.”
“OhmyGod,”Isay,puttingmyhandtomymouthwhenIseeEdwardcomingtome,clappinghishandswithahugesmileonhisface.Hisblondhairispushedbackperfectlyashewearsatailoredblacksuitandawhitebutton-downshirt.Mymotherisrightbehindhimwithherhandsintheairandahugesmileonherfaceasifshewonthelottery.
“Happybirthday!”Hegrabsmyfaceandkissesmeonthelips,thenbringsmeinforahug.Mywholebodyisasstiffasaboard,andIpushbacktheangerbubblingover.Hisblueeyesshinesobrightlyashesmilesatme.“Areyousurprised?”Ican’tsayanything,orbetteryet,it’ssaferifIdon’tsayanything.Instead,Ijustnodmyhead.“Wehaveonemoresurpriseforyou.”Whenhesaysthat,mybloodstartstoboil,andIhavetowonderifthisishowtheHulkfeelsbeforeheturnsgreenandripsoffhisclothes.“She’sstunned,”hesays,turningaroundtoaddressthecrowdthathasnowgatheredevencloser.Itrytocountthefaces,butitstopsaftertwenty.
“Happybirthday,sweetheart,”mymothersays,huggingme.Ibendtohugher,butmyarmsstaylimpatmysides.MaybeI’mhavingastroke,Ithinktomyselfwhenthebackofmyneckstartstogethotter,andallIcanhearisadeepbuzzinginmyears.
“Doyouwanttosayhellotoeveryonenow?”Shelbyasksmeoncemymotherletsmego.“Ordoyouwanttochange?”
“Ithinksheshouldchange,”PresleyanswersformewhenItakewaytoolongtorespond,andallIcandoissmileateveryoneandwaveawkwardly.I’mliterallygoingtokillthemall.
“Okay,”Shelbysays,puttingasmileonherface.“Wearegoingforaquickchange,andthenwewillbeout.”Sheputsherarmaroundmyshouldersandushersmetotheside,wherethebride’sroomislocated.
“What’swrongwithwhatI’mwearing?”IlookdownatthepantsandshirtthatIthoughtwouldmatchmyideaofwhatIthoughtmypartywasgoingtobe.
“Um,”Presleysays,“it’salittlemoreformal.”
Sheopensthesuitedoor,andblackandwhiteballoonsareeverywherewiththegiantblack3-0balloons.Iwalkintotheroomandseethebottleofchampagneinthemiddleofthetable.Myfeetmoveatthesametimeasmyheadisscreamingatmetorun.Igrabthebottleandjustbringitstraighttomylips.
“Isshegoingtobeokay?”ShelbyleansovertowhispertoPresley,whojustlooksatmewithwideeyes.
“She’llbefineaslongaswejustkeepfeedingherbooze.”Presleywalksintotheroomandclosesthedoor,thenturnstolookatme.“Onascaleofonetoten,howbaddoyouwanttofreakoutrightnow?”
“Asolidfivebillion,”Ireplyhonestly,thentakeanotherfivegulpsofthechampagneasifit’swater.Knowingthatthisisaverybadidea.
“Okay,well,youcan’tdoanythingaboutitnow,”Shelbysays,walkingintotheroomandgoingovertothecurtainthatblockstheglamarea.“Sowhydon’twegetyouintoyouroutfitandgetthisoverwith?”
IbringthebottlebackuptomylipsandtrytocalmmyselfdownwhenIseetheoutfit.“Isthatafuckingweddingdress?”Ishriek,lookingatthelong-sleevedfloor-lengthwhitegown.
“Pfft.”Presleyrollshereyes.“No.”Ijustlookather.“Fine,itmighthavebeenontherack,butweweretolditcouldbejustaregulargown.”Ijuststareather.Idon’tevenknowifI’mblinkingatthispoint.
“Areyououtofyourmind?”Itrytokeepmyvoicefromrising,knowingthatpeoplecanprobablyhearus.“Ifyousaythisisasurprisewedding,I’mgoingtothroatpunchyouboth.”Iholdthebottleinmyhand.“Andthenshankyoubothwiththis.”Imovemywrist,lookingatthebottle.
“Asif,”Shelbysnorts.“Ifwedidthat,wewouldn’tbetellingyouwitharoomfullofwindowsthatyoucouldbreakthrough.”
“Yeah.”Walkingtome,Presleygrabsthebottleofchampagneandtakesherowndrink.“Ifwedidthat,wewoulddoitinapaddedconcretecellsoyouwouldn’tbeabletorun.”Shewinksatme,andIgrabthebottleawayfromher.
“Getyourown,”Isay,takinganothercoupleofgulps.
“Justrelax.”Shelbyputsherarmaroundmyshouldersassheushersmetotheroom.“Weaskedeveryonetowearblacksoyouwouldstandout.”IlookatbothofthemandtakeintheirblackdressesthatIshouldhaveknownweretooformalformydinner.“Now,whydon’twegetyoudressedsowecangetthiswholethingoverwith.ThenIcandrinkalotofboozeandtakemyhusbandhomeandhavemywaywithhim.”
“Ijustthrewupinmymouth,”Presleysays.“I’mgoingtogooutthereandmakesureeverythingisset.”
“Idon’tthinkthisisagoodidea.”Thosewordscomefromme.“Idon’tdowellwithbeingsurprised.”
“Oh,trustme,weknow,”Presleyreplies.“It’swhywepretendedtohaveyouplanit.”Shewalksoutthedoor,slammingitbehindher.
“Ihateher.”IlookatShelby.“Eversinceshegaveupcarbs,she’sbeenabitch.”
“Sheisn’ttheonlyone,”Shelbysaystomeandtiltsherheadtotheside.
“Theysaythatyourweightatthirtyisgoingtobeyourweightyourwholelife,”Iremindher.
“Who?”Shecocksherhiptothesideandcrossesherarmsoverherchest.“Whosaysthis?”
“Google,”Isayasshetakesthedressoffthehanger.“Ievensentyouthelink.”
“Clarabella,doyouthinkIreadeverythingyousendme?”sheasksasIdrinkmorechampagne.“Canyouundressanddrinkatthesametime?”
Withaglare,Iputthebottledown,undress,andslipintothewhitedress.Thedressgoeshightomyneckandstraightdowntothefloor.Shezipsupthebottom,thenfastensthebuttonatthebackofmyneck.Itfitsmelikeaglove,andwhenIturnaroundtoseetheback,it’sgotadiamondshape,leavingitbackless.“Isn’titpretty?”
“It’swhite,”Ipointout,turningtoher.“Ilooklikeabride.”
“Ipromiseyoudon’t,”shesays,walkingtotheboxofshoesonthecounter.“Momboughtyoutheshoes.”Sheopenstheboxandgasps.
“What’sthematter?”IlookatherasshetakesthebluesatinManoloBlahnikshoesout.
“Fuckno,”Isay,shakingmyhead.“I’mkeepingthoseshoes.”Ipointattheshoes.“ButI’mwearingmyblackshoes.”
“Fine,”Shelbyconcedes.“Nowlet’sgetoutthere.”Igrabthebottleandstarttowalkout.“Youcan’tgoouttherelikethat.”Shepointsatthebottle.
“Fine.”Ishrugmyshoulders,bringingthebottletomymouthandfinishingtherestofit.“Isthatbetter?”Iask,andshesmirksatme.
“Youready?”sheasks,andmyheadisstartingtogetalittledizzy.
Itakeadeepbreathandtuckmyhairbehindoneearandnodmyhead.Sheopensthedoor,andIstartwalkingout.“Thisfreakingdresshasatrain,”IstatewhenIlookback.“Ihateyouboth.”Iclenchmyteeth,butthensmilewhenIseethephotographersnappingpictures.
IwalkbackintothevenueandhearsomeapplauseasIlookaroundatthedecorationsIdidnotpickout.
Abig3-0inbrightlightsisatthebackoftheroom.Fourlongtablescoveredinwhitetableclothsformasquarearoundthewhitedancefloorandhaveplacesettingswithblackplatesandblackglasses.Fivecrystalchandeliercandlessitinthemiddleofeachtable.High-toptablescoveredinblacktableclothsarescatteredaroundthevenuewithablacklanterncenterpieceandafakecandle.Gold,white,andblackballoonsareeverywhere.
“Youlooklikeyouwanttokillusall.”Traviscomestostandnexttome,andIjustnodmyheadathim.
“I’msosorryIwassworntosecrecy,”Harlowtellsme,kissingmycheek.“Butinmydefense,Ididgiveyouahint.”Ilookather,confused.“Isaidwhatiftheydon’tdowhatyousay.”
“Thatwasn’tahint,”IhissatherandpretendtobeupsetwithasmileasIshakemyhead.Igrabtheglassofchampagnefromherhandandfinishit,thenhanditbacktoher.“Howmanypeoplearehere?”
“Ahundredandtwenty-five,”Travisanswers,bringinghisscotchtohismouthtoavoidlaughingatme.
“Ineedadrink.”Lookingaround,I’mabouttogotooneofthebarssetupinthecornerwhenEdwardspotsme.Hecomesovertome.“Lookathowbeautifulyoulook,”hesays,kissingmeonthesideofmylipsandthenkissingmyneck
“Thankyou,”Isay.ImetEdwardtwomonthsagowhenwebumpedintoeachotherinabar.Itwastackytosaytheleast,butwhenheaskedformynumber,Igaveittohim.We’vegrownextremelycloseinthepasttwomonths.“CanIhavethisdance?”heasks,andIlookathimweirdlysincenomusicisplaying.
Heholdsuphishand,andassoonashedoes,themusicstartsplaying.Everyonelooksaround,andIdon’tsayanythingasheslipshishandinmineandbringsmetothemiddleofthedancefloor,wherethewordsClarabella’sThirtiethBirthdayareprintedonthefloor.“Um,peoplearelooking,”Isay,lookingaroundthewholeroomaspeoplegatheraround,smiling.
“It’sjustadance,”hesays,wrappinghisarmaroundmywaistandholdingupmyhandinhis.Hebringsittohislipsandkissesmyfingers.“There,doyoufeelbetter?”
No,myheadscreamsoutasheturnsusaround.“Clarabella,thesepasttwomonthshavebeenadreamcometrue.”Ismileupathim.
“Theyhavebeenamazing,”Iagree,andI’mnotevenlying.Beingwithhimissoeasy.It’salsoeasybecausehedoeswhateverIsayorwanttodo.
“Iwanttomakeyouhappyallthetime.”Hesmilesatme,andmaybeit’sthechampagneinme,butIjustnod.Imean,yes,everysingletimewehaveadisagreement,hejustlooksoveratmeandsayswhatIwanttohear,whichthenmakesmybloodboil.He’sjustsonice,andIfeellikeabigbitch.“Beingwithyoueverysingledayhasbeenaneye-opener.”Itrytolistentohiswords,butIalsostarttoseethateveryone’s,andImeaneveryone’s,eyesareonme
It’salmostlikeit’snothappening.Likemybodyhasleft,andI’mlookingdownatthetrainwreckthatistocome.Hestopsmovingandletshishandfallfrommywaist.Heputshishandinhispocket,andthemusicstops.Ormaybeitdoesn’tstop.Perhapsit’sbecauseI’vesuddenlylostmyhearing.Icanseeeveryonelookateachother,unsurewhatisgoingon.Myheartbeatpoundsinmyears,andallIcanheararethebeatsandnotthewhispers.Hekissesmerightbeforehegetsdownononekneeinfrontofme.“BeingwithyouhasmademeseethatIdon’twanttobewithanyoneelse.”Helooksupatmeandopensthesmallblackringboxinhishand.
ThegaspsIheararenothingcomparedtowhatI’mthinkingrightnow.Thiscan’tbehappening.Thiscan’tbehappening.“ClarabellaBaker,willyoumakemetheluckiestmanaliveandbemywife?”Myeyesgofromhimtotheringtomysisters,whojuststandthereinasmuchshockasIam.Mymotheristheonlyonewholookslikesheknewthiswascoming.Travisstaresatmewithhismouthopen,andHarlownowgrabshisdrinkfromhimandholdsitupforme.“Iloveyou.”
Itrytoswallow,butitseemslikemytongueissothickthatIcan’t.Mymouthisdrierthanadesertonasummerday.Myeyesareseeinglittlewhitespots,andI’mnotgoingtolie,I’mexpectingtopassoutatanymoment.Butnothinghappens,nothinghappensexceptEdwardjustcontinuestolookatmeexpectantly,hissweetfacewaitingformetoanswer.“Whatdoyousay?”
Thereinthemiddleofwhatwassupposedtobemythirtiethbirthdayparty,Isaytheonlywordthatwillnotmakemelooklikeacompletebitch.IalsoknowatthismomentthatImightbemakingthebiggestmistakeofmylife.“Yes.”TheminuteIsaytheword,myheadyellswhatthehelldidyoujustdo?Chapter2
Luke
FourMonthsLater
Ipullupbehindtherestaurantandputthetruckinpark.“WhydidIthinkitwasagoodideatodrivestraightfromNewYorkhomewithoutstopping?”Iaskmyself,openingthedriver’sdoorandsteppingout.Mywholebodyisstifffromthefourteen-hourdrivethattookmeseventeenhoursbecauseofthetrafficgettingoutofthecityandthenanaccidentonthehighwaythatdelayedmeforanotherhour.Iputmyhandsonmyback,stretchingoutwhenthebackdoortotherestaurantopens.
“Well,well,well.”IhearMikaelasay.Iturntoseeherwearingherchefoutfitandcarryingablackgarbagebaginonehand.“Lookwhatthecatdraggedin.”Shelaughs,walkingovertothedumpsterandtossingthebagin.Sherubsherhandstogetherasshecomesback.“Aren’tyouasightforsoreeyes?”
“I’vebeengoneforsixmonths,andyouFaceTimedmetwiceadaytotellmehowmuchyouhatedme,”Iremindherwithasmileasshestandsinfrontofme.Thetwoofusmetinculinaryschool,andwhenIdecidedtoopenmyrestaurant,therewasnooneIwantedtoworkwithmorethanher.
“Oh,notpasttense,present.Idohateyou,”shesays,andIcan’thelpbutlaugh,puttingmyarmaroundhershouldersaswewalktowardthebackdooroftherestaurant.
“Whatisthatsmell?”Shelooksatme,scrunchinguphernose.
“Iwasinthecarforseventeenhours,”Isay.“IleftNewYorkatfourthinkingthatIwouldavoidtraffic.Newsflash,thereisalwaystrafficinfuckingNewYork.”Iputmyhandsonmyhips.
“Well,goshowerbeforeyoucomeinmykitchen.Thenyoucanhelpmewiththedinnerrush.”Shewalksaheadofme.“Plus,Ihaveameetingwithabrideandgroomtonightforatastetest.”
Ilookupattheblueskyandsigh.“Ishouldhavegonehomefirstinsteadofcominghere,”Isay,andit’sherturntolaughatme.
“Ihaveyourlocationonmyphone.”Shewalksbackintotherestaurantandthedoorslamsshutbehindher.Iwalkupthestepstofollowherandopenthebackdoor.Thesmellofgarlichitsmerightaway,makingmymouthwater.
Mikaelaisbehindthecounterfryingupsomething.“I’llgetyousomethingtoeat,”shesaysoverhershoulder,andIwalkpastthecountertowardthebrownswingingdoorwiththelittleglasscircleinit.Pushingthroughthedoor,Iseeacoupleofpeoplearesettingupforthenightservice.ThebarinthemiddleoftherestaurantiswhyIboughtthisplacetobeginwith.Itjustwaseverything.Itwasn’tlikethiswhenIboughtit.Fuck,itwasanightmare,andeventherealestateagentaskedmeifIwassure.Hedidn’tseewhatIenvisionedinmyhead.Hedidn’tseeitspotential.Aperfectsquaresoyoucanseeeverysinglepartoftherestaurant.ThecountertopsarepureoakthatIsandeddownandvarnishedtoashine.Theglasseshangingfromthetopwireracksgiveitamodernlookwithanold-schoolvibe.Barstoolsgoallthewayaroundandarealwaysthefirstseatstobetaken.
Boothslinethefarendoftherestaurant,allwiththesamewoodfinishasthebar.Theburgundyboothsmakeeverythinglooksorich.High-toptablesarescatteredthroughouttherestofthefloor,andIknowthisplacewillbefilledwithpeoplewithintwohours.SomuchhaschangedsinceIboughtthisplace.Luckilyforme,Igotitforlessthanasking,andthenIgotasmallbusinessloanfornewbusinessowners.Isavedashittonofmoneydoingtheconstructionmyself.IalsosavedmoneywhenIlivedhereuntilitstartedpickingup
IwalktothebackcornertothebrowncloseddoorthatsaysOfficewrittenacrossit.Iopenitandseethattheshadesareup,givingyouthelightyouneed.Thecouchagainstthewallhasseenbetterdaysbutisclearofmyclothesthatusedtohangalloverit.ItfacesthebrowndeskIputtherewhenIwantedtobeprofessional.Iwalktothelittlebathroomwithashower,atoilet,andastandingsinkwithamirror.TheonlythinginhereisatallhutchinthecornerIboughtfromIKEA.Iopenit,grabatowel,thensmellittomakesureit’sclean.
Iturnonthewater,gettinginandlettingitrundownmyback.I’vebeengoneforthepastsixmonths,andIhavetosay,it’sgoodtobehome.WhenFrancoiscalledmesevenmonthsago,Ididn’tknowwhattothink.Iwasinthemiddleofopeningasecondrestaurantintown,thistimeapub,andIwasknee-deepinthefinalstageswhenheaskedmeifIwantedtopartnerwithhim.Hispartnerfellthrough,andheknewIwasopeningmysecondrestaurant,sotohim,Iwasthefirstonehewantedtocall
Itwasadreamcometrueforme.PartneratarestaurantinNewYorkCity.Itwasalsoscaryasfuckbecausethecriticswilleatyourfoodandspititout,andinamatterofaweek,youcangofromsuccesstocrickets.Itwasachallenge,tosaytheveryleast,andtheminuteIwalkedin,Iknewalotmoreworkwasneededthanwhathesaid.NotthatIwasafraidofwork.Iworkedhardmywholelife,fromwhenIwasfourteenandmyparentsthoughttheyhadgivenmeenoughsupportanddecidedthatIshouldstartpayingmyshare.SoIgottwopart-timejobs,andwhenIturnedeighteen,ImovedtoacheaperplaceandputmyselfthroughcollegefortwoyearsuntilIwentintoculinaryschool.
Iturnthewateroffandgetoutoftheshower,grabbingthetowelandwrappingitaroundmywaist.Wipingthesteamoffthemirror,Iseethatmyeyesarebloodshot.I’mgoingtosleepsowelltonight.IwalkbackovertothehutchandgrabapairofblackpantsandagrayT-shirt.Itoweloffmyhair,leavingthebathroomandofficetoheadtowardthebarareawhenIseeMikaelacomingoutofthekitchenwithaplateinherhand.“Rightontime,”shesays,walkingtothebarandputtingitonthecorner.
“ThelastthingIatewaspizzafroma7-Eleven,”Itellher,walkingbehindthebarandgrabbingabottleofcoldbeer.
Iseeoneofthebartenderssettinguphisstationashelooksoveratme.“Hey,”hesays,puttingthewhiteragoverhisshoulder.“Youback?”
“Fornow.”IsmirkandlookoveratMikaela,whoglaresatmeasIwalkovertothestoolsittinginfrontoftheplate.
Itakeapullofthebeerandofferittoher.Sheshakesherhead,andIplaceitdowninfrontofthefood.“Iwantastaffmeetingtonight,”Iannounce,andshenodsherhead.“Wehavetogetreadyforthedinnerrush,buttomorrow,Iwanttocheckoutthepub.”
“Iwasthereyesterday.Itlooksgood.”Inodather,takingabiteoftheburger.
“Thisissomuchbetterthanthepizzaatthe7-Eleven,”Itellher,andshegivesmethefinger.Thefrontdooropens,andIseeacoupleofthewaitressesarriving.Ilookattheclock.“It’stenminutespasttheirshift.”
“Oh,don’tyouknow.”Shelaughs,gettingup.“Wehavetobethankfultheycometowork.”
“Screwthat.I’llwaittablesmyself,”Ideclare.“I’llbethereintenminutes.”Shegetsupandwalkstothekitchen.WhenIfinish,Iwalkbackintothekitchenandfindhersidebysidewithtwosouschefswholookupandsmileatme.
“Dad’sback,”Carsonsays,lookingatme.“Playtimeisover.”
“Momwasmeantous,”KylerepliestouswhileMikaelagiveshimthefinger.Iwashmyhandsandlookather.
“Wheredoyouwantme?”Iask,andshepointsatthetableontheside.
“Iwantyouatthattabledoingthetastetestingfortonight.”IgrabanapronandwalkovertothetablewithawhitepaperwithMikaela’swriting.
“It’sawholepage,”Isay,lookingbackdownatit.“Likeafullpage.Whotastesthismuchfoodatatasting?”
“It’sanimportantclient,”shetellsme.“SoyoubetterbeonyourAgame.”
“WhenamInotonmyAgame?”Withasmirk,Ilookdownatthelisttogetthingsgoing.“Whattimeisthisclientcoming?”
“Eight!”sheshouts,andforthenextthreehours,Igetlostinmycooking.I’mplatingthelastplatewhenIlookovertoseethatit’salmosteight.
“I’mdone,”Isay,wipingmyhands.
“IthoughtyoubeinginNewYorkwouldmakeyourusty,”Mikaelastatesatthesametimeasthekitchendooropensandoneofthehostessescomesin.
“Theeighto’clockcoupleishere.”ShelooksatMikaela.“Iwillseatthematthebooth.”
“Soundsgood,”Isaytoher,andsheturnsandsmilesatmebeforewalkingtothefront.Shedoesn’tevenknowwhoIam,Ilaughtomyself.Shewillhavearudeawakeningwhenwehavethestaffmeetingtonight.
“Youwantmetocomeandintroduceyou?”Mikaelaasks,andIjustshakemyhead.
“IthinkI’llbegood,”Isay,walkingoutofthekitchenandtakingalookathowjam-packedtheplaceis.Thereisn’tanopenseat,andIseethebartendersgoingnuts.Imakeamentalnotetoseeifwecanhiretwomoretohelpout.Iwalkovertothehostessstandwheretwogirlsarechattingtogether,andoneisonherphone.
“Domeafavor,”Itelltheoneonthephone.“Putthephoneaway.Thereisn’tanythinghappeningonInstagramthatisgoingtochangeyourlifeinthenexthour,”Isuggest,andshejustgivesmeafuck-offlook.“I’mLuke,”Isay.“Youknow,theowner.”HermouthopensinshockasIlookattheotherone.“Wherearetheguests?”Shepointsherhandtowardtheback.
“Lastboothontheleft,”shesays,andInodatherandmakemywayovertothelastbooth.
Iapproachthetable,seeingtheguyontheoutsideoftheseatandbothofthemonthesamebench.“Hi,”IgreetonceIgetthereandfinallylookatthecouple.Ilookattheguydressedinasuitwithhishairperfectlycombedover.Myeyesgotothewomansittingnexttohim.
Everythinginmestopsasshelooksupatmeinslowmotion.HereyesareevenmorebluethanIremembered,herfaceevenmorebeautiful.Thesmileonherfacefadeswhensheseesit’sme,andtheonlythingthatcomesoutofmymouthishername.“Clarabella.”Chapter3
Clarabella
Oneminute,I’mlookingatEdwardashetellsmeabouthisday,andthenext,Ihearhisvoice.“Hi.”Atfirst,Ithinkit’sallinmyhead.Imean,ithastobebecauseIknowhe’slefttown.Ihadnoideawherehewent,andIwasn’tevergoingtoask.
Iclosemyeyesforasecond,thinkingImusthavemisheardbeforeliftingmyhead.Theclinkingplatesandlaughingpeoplesoundfar,faraway.Myeyesspothishandasmyheadslowlylifts,ormaybeitliftsfast.TheonlythingIknowisI’mstaringintohisblueeyes.Thesmileonmyfacefadeswhenhesaysmyname.“Clarabella.”
Myheartspeedsupinmychest,andIlookoveratEdwardtoseeifhecanhearit.Iswallowhard,butmymouthissodrynothinggoesdown.Edwardsmilesatme,soIputonmygamefaceandlookbackupatLuke.“Luke.”Isayhisnameasifit’snothing.AsifI’mnotsurprisedhe’shere,andI’mnotslowlyfreakingoutontheinside.Okay,it’snotslow.It’safull-blownfreak-out.“Ididn’tknowyouwereback.”Iwanttokickmyselftheminutethewordscomeoutofmymouth.ThelastthingIwanthimtothinkisthatIcarehewasgoneorthatIknowheevenleft.
“Gotbacktoday,”hereplies.“Soyou’regettingmarried.”Hisfacedoesn’tshowanythingashelooksatmeandthenatEdward.“Wegowayback.”Hesmirks,andmymouthgoesdry.
“Oh,”Edwardresponds,lookingatLukeandthenatme.
“Notthatwayback.”Myvoicecomesoutcracking,andIclearmythroat.“Wewenttocollegetogetheralongtimeago.”IsmileatEdward.“Hedatedmybestfriendatthetime.ThenhecamethroughwhenTraviswasgoingtogetmarried.”IlookbackupatLuke.“IsMikaelanotheretoday?”IignoremyerraticbreathingasItrytocontrolitandpressdownthenerves.
“Sheis,butI’llbetheoneworkingwithyoutonight,”hestates.Myheadyellsfuckno,andIhavetobitedownonmytonguetomakesurethatthewordsdon’tactuallycomeout.
“Great,”Edwardsays.“Someonewhoknowsmygirl.”
“Iguessthatwouldbeme.”Hejustlooksatme,andIlookaway,takingtheglassofwateranddrinkingit.Hopingthatitgoesdownpastthelumpinmythroat.“I’llbebackwithsomefood,yeah.”
Hewalksaway,andImakethemistakeofwatchinghisassmove.“Areyouallright?”Edwardasks,andIwhipmyheadbacktohim.“Youlookalittleflushed.”
Puttingmyhandtomyface,Icanfeeltheheatfromit.WasIthisflushedthewholetime?”It’salittlehotinhere.”Ilookaroundandseethattheentirerestaurantisfull.“I’mgoingtogototherestroom,”Isay,andheleansandkissesmylips.Ismileathim,notsayinganything.Grabbingmypurse,Iwaitforhimtogetup,thenscootovertogetoutofthebooth.Swingingonefootout,Istand,hopingmykneesdon’tgiveout.“I’llberightback,”Iassurehim,standingupinfrontofEdwardandlookingupathim.
Iturntowalkawayfromhim,makingmywaytothebathroom.Ipushopenthebrowndoorandheadstraighttothesink,lookingatmyselfinthemirror.MycheekslooklikeI’vebeensittinginthesuntoolongordrinkingtoomuchscotch.“Whattheheckishedoinghere?”Iaskmyself,hopingthatsomeonegivesmeananswer.ThelastthingIexpectedfortonightwasrunningintoLuke.IputmyhandonmystomachwhenIthinkaboutthelasttimeIsawhim.Ishouldn’tfeelthisway.Mybodyshouldnotfeellikethis.“Traitor,”Imumble,lookingdownatmyheavingchest.
I’mengaged.Ilookatmyself,remindingmybrainofthis.IhaveafiancéwhoIlove.Butdoyou?Whenheproposedtome,allIcoulddowaslookaroundatallthefacesstaringatme.HowcouldIhavesaidno?Mythirtiethbirthdaybecameourengagementparty,whichthenledtothenightIsleptonmybathroomfloorforthefirsttimeever.WhenIwokeupinthemorning,Edwardwastherewithaglassofwaterandtwoibuprofenandacalendar.
Ifitwasuptohim,wewouldhavebeenmarriedwithintwoweeks,butthankfully,mysistertoldhimtheearliesttheycouldplanadecentweddingwasfourmonths.Iknewtheyweregivingmetime,especiallysinceweplannedakick-asseventinseventy-twohours.Soforthepastfourmonths,I’vebeenplanningmywedding,eventhoughitdoesn’tfeelright.EventhoughIthinkweshouldtakemoretime.FromeverythingthatI’vereadonlineandinthemagazines,thisisanormalreaction.Itdoesn’tmeanIdon’tlovehim.ItmeansI’mnotsureaboutgivingupwhoIam.Evenlisteningtomyownwords,Iwanttoyellthatit’sacrockofshit.Butinstead,Igrabmyphoneandtextmysisters.
Me:Wehaveasituation.
“It’sgoingtobefine.”Ilookatmyreflectioninthemirrorandsetdownthephone.Turningonthecoldwater,Iputmyhandunderthestreamtomakemyhandcoldbeforeplacingitbackonmyfacetocoolitdown.Iwetbothcheekstwicewhenmyphonebeeps,andIpickitup,seeingthatPresleyanswered.
Presley:I’msorry,thepersonyouaretryingtoreachaboutthissituationdoesnotcare.Doyouknowwhy?Becausethelasttimeyouhadthistypeoftextmessage,itwasbecauseyoucouldn’tgetpowder-bluenapkins,which,Imayadd,isnotasituation.Findingthegroomfuckinghisbestman?Nowthat’sasituation.Findingthebrideblowingoneofthegroomsmen?That’sasituation.
Igrindmyteeth,myfingersflyingoverthephone.
Me:I’mnotkidding.Thisisahugesituation.
IpresssendatthesametimeShelbychimesin.
Shelby:Canthesituationbetableduntiltomorrow?Acejustgotin,andhewasgoneallweek.
Presley:Yeah,leaveheralone.She’sabouttodothenasty.
Shelby:DoyouthinkIwouldbedoingthenastyandansweringyouatthesametime?
Presley:Please,youthinkyourlittlevoicedoesn’tcarryinyouroffice.Iheardindetailwhatyouplannedtodotohisdick.
Shelby:Wouldyoumindyourbusiness?
Presley:Trustme,thereisnothinginthisworldIwouldlovetoneverhearagainthanI’mgoingtotakeyousofarinmythroatyourballswillslapmychin.
Shelby:THATWASAPRIVATECONVERSATION!
Iclosemyeyesandgripmyphoneinmyhand,andtobehonest,IwishIcouldsmashitrightnow.Iopenthembackup,notevenbotheringtoanswermysisters.Itakeonemorelookatmyselfinthemirrorbeforegrabbingmypurseandwalkingout.IsmileatthegirlenteringwhileIexit,andwhenIgettothetable,Edwardisonhisphone.
“Hey,”Isay,andheputshisphonedownrightaway.Insteadofsittingnexttohim,Isitinfrontofhim.
“Youfeelingbetter?”heaskswithconcernalloverhisface,andInodmyhead.
“Yes.”Iputmypursebesideme,ignoringthebeepingfromit.“Itmusthavejustbeentoomanypeople,”IstateasIspotLukewalkingbacktous.
“Sorryittookmesolong,”Lukesays,puttingdowntwoplatesonthetable.“Asperyourrequestsheet,Imadecrabcakeswithamangosalsa.”Ilookdownatoneplate,mymouthwatering.“AndthenItookthelibertyofgoingoutonmyownabit.”HelooksatmeandthenatEdward.“Itisn’ttheSouthwithoutmac’n’cheese.Thisoneisdonewith
“Igotyouwhitewine,”Edwardsaystomeastheserverputsdownacrystalglassofchilledwhitewine.SheplacesabeerbottledownforEdward,thennodsatusbeforeshewalksaway.
“Ithoughtyouweremoreofascotchgirl,”Lukesaysassoonasmyhandgrabstheglassofwine.Myeyesflytohis,andIcanseehiseyeslightup.“Imean,itwasawhileago.”
“Ipreferwhitewine,”Isay,smilingatEdwardandignoringthepullthatLukehasonme.Bringingtheglassofwinetomylips,Itakeasipofit.“Whatdoyouwanttotryfirst?”IaskEdward,whojustgrabsoneofthecrabcakesandtossesitintohismouth.Lukekeepsbringingoutplateafterplate,andIwanttotasteonethingthatisn’tgood,butit’sallmeltinyourmouth.RegardlessofhimbeingagradeAasshole,themancancook.
“Sowhatdoyouguysthinkyou’llbegoingwith?”Lukeasksus,andIlookatEdward,whojustshakeshishead.
“That’sallherdomain.”Edwardsmilesatmeasheputsuphishands,andIjustshakemyhead.
“FromwhatIsaw,therearelotsofdifferentoptionsonyourlist,”Lukesays.“Andwearegoingtobeabletodoeverythingyouneed.”Ican’thelpbutlookathim,nomatterhowmanytimesItellmyselfIshouldlookaway.“Whenistheweddingagain?”Hiseyesarelookingintomine.
“Twoweeks,”Edwarddeclareswithahugesmileonhisface,andIturntolookathim.
“Howlonghaveyouguysbeendating?”Lukeasks,andIlookathim,wantingtosnapathimandtellhimforaslongashe’sbeengone.
ButEdwardanswershiminstead.“Sixmonths,”hesays.“Thebestsixmonthsofmylife.”
“You’realucky,luckyman,”Lukesays.Igrabtheglassofwineandtakeanevenbiggersipthistime.
“Hi,”Mikaelagreets,comingtothetable.“Ihopeyouareenjoyingthefood.”Shesmilesatus.
“It’sdelicious,”Iconfirm,smilingather.“Thankyoufordoingthis.”
“Wedoitforalltheotherbrides,”shesays.“It’sonlyfairyougetyourturn.”
“Well,it’salwaysfunknowingwhenwewillbeworkingtogether,”Ireply.
“Fromnowon,you’llbemeetingwithLukemorethanme,”shestates,andIswallow.“Sincehe’sback,he’sgoingtobehandlingitandleavingmeinthekitchenwhereI’mhappiest.”
Oh,hellno,therightsideofmybrainscreams.Outofthefuckingquestion,theleftsideofmybrainanswers.“Weshouldgetgoing.”IlookatEdward,whostartstogetoutofhissideofthebooth.Hewalksovertomysideandholdsouthishandforme.Islipmyhandinhis.“I’llcalltomorrowwithourdecisions,”IsaytoLukeandMikaela.Myeyesnevergotohis,andIcanfeelhimstaringatme.Icanfeelhiseyesonmeexactlylikehowamagnetwouldsticktoafridge.
“Ilookforwardtohearingfromyou,”Lukesays.AsIwalkoutoftherestaurant,myheartthumpsinmychestthewholetime.Thesoundbecomeslouderandlouderinmyears,andwhenEdwardopensthecardoorforme,Igetinandgrabmyphonerightaway.
Me:Tomorrowmorningmeeting.Chapter4
Luke
Iwatchherwalkoutoftherestaurant.Mywholebodyhasbeenonevibratingnervefromwhenmyeyesmethers.NomatterhowmanytimesItriedtogethertolookatme,sheavoidedme.Butthetimesshedidlookatme,Iwashopingshewouldgivemesomething,anythingtoindicateshedidn’thateme.Buthershieldwasup.Iknewittheminuteshelookedatme.Itwasashieldthattookmeayeartobreakdown,andinthespanofonesecondandaveryfuckingbaddecision,itwasbackupagain.“Areyougoingtobeokay?”IhearMikaelaandturntolookather.
“Youcouldn’thavementionedthatthebridewasClarabella?”IquestionwhilemyhandgripsthewhiteragthatIusedtocarryoutthehotplates.
“Whatdifferencewouldithavemade?Abrideisabride.”Sheputsherhandsonherhips,shakingherhead.“You’veworkedwithherbefore.”
“Yeah,”mymouthsays,butatthesametime,myheadsays,beforeyoumessedituproyally.“Well,it’sdifferentworkingwithherandworkingforher.”IturnandwalkawayfromMikaelabeforeIsaysomethingIshouldn’t.
Insteadofgoingtothekitchenandcleaningupmyworkstation,Iheadtotheoffice.Islamthedoorbehindmeandtosstheragonthecouchbeforegoingtothebathroomandturningonthecoldwaterinthesink.Mybodyfeelslikeit’sonfireasIcupmyhandsunderthestreamofcoldwater,splashingitonmyface.WhenIclosemyeyes,allIseeisherholdinghishandandwalkingoutwithhim.
Sheneverlookedback,notonce,andtrustme,IknowbecauseallIcoulddowasstareather.Shewaswearingtightblackjeansthatmoldedtoherlonglegs,legsthatIspentawholenightworshiping.HerassfitperfectlyinmyhandswhenIpickedherup.“Youfuckedup,”ItellmyselfwhenIlookatmyreflectioninthemirror.
Iwipemyfacewithatowel.“She’sgettingmarried,”Isayindisbelief.“Fuckingmarried.”Ishakemyhead,andtheknockonthedoorhasmeturningmyhead.Idon’tknowwhy,butforasplitsecond,Ithinkit’sher.
ForonlyonesecondbeforethedooropensandMikaelapokesherheadin.“Icomeinpeace.”She’sholdingtwoglassesinherhand.Shewalksinandhandsmeoneoftheglasseswithamberliquidinside.
“Thankyou.”Idrinkitdownintwogulps,feelingtheburnallthewaydowntomystomach.
“Jeez.”Sheputsherownglasstohermouth.“Areyousureyou’reokay?”
“I’mfine.”Iputtheglassdownonthedeskandthenturntoleanonit.“Whencanwestartthestaffmeeting?”
“Inaboutthirtyminutes.”Shetakesasipofherdrinkandgoestositonthecouch.“Theyarejustcleaningup,thelastcustomerleftrightnow.”
“Whathasbeengoingon?”Iask.“Obviously,withmeinNewYork,Iwasn’thands-onlikeIwasbeforeIleft.”
“Everythingisprettymuchthesame.”Sheshrugshershoulders.“Hostessgirlshavebeenhardtofind.”Inodmyhead.“We’vetakenalotmorecateringjobsthanwedidbeforeyouleft.”
“That’salwaysgoodtohelpusgrow.Wordofmouthiseverything.”
“It’salsothankstoClarabellaforthat,”Mikaelasays,andjusthearinghername,mystomachsinks,andmyheartspeedsup.“Shemadeustheirtopcatereratthevenue.”
“Weweredoingalotofeventsbefore,”Ichimein.ItwaswhyIgotsoclosetoher,eventhoughIknewitwasabadidea.Buteverythingaboutherwasamazing.Isamazing.Sheworkedherassoffandnevereverletyouseehersweat.Shewasballsy.Shewassharp.Shehadanideaforhowthingsneededtobe.Sheneverletanyonegetawaywithtalkingdowntoher.Shewouldnipthatinthebudandmakesuretheyknewshewasnotmessingaround.Andshewasabsolutelydrop-deadgorgeous.
“Wewere,butthenshebroughtusinforcorporateevents,whichthenledtobusinessboomingeverysingledayoftheweek,”shepointsout,andIshakemyhead,wonderingwhyshewoulddothatafterwhatIdidtoher.“Itboostedsales,notjustherebutalsoatthepub.”
Myhandsfistasshegoesonandonabouthowamazingsheis.LikeIdon’talreadyknow.“Let’sgetthisoverwithsoIcangethomeandgotosleep.”
Shetakesanothersip,notcaringthatIjustbarkedatherandthatI’mtakingitoutonherbecauseI’mpissed.“Shealsobroughtthepubintodobirthdaypartiesandstuff.”
Ilookoverather.“I’mgoingtheretomorrow,”Isay.“Rightbeforewegoandvisitthenewplaceyouweretalkingabout.”
“Theonebythewater?”sheasks,andhereyeslightup.
“That’stheone,”Iconfirm.Whenshecalledmeacoupleofweeksagoandtoldmeaboutthisplacerightbythewaterthatwasselling,IwashesitantatfirstuntilIsawthepictures.Isawwhatitcouldbe,anditwasano-brainer.Nestledrightoverthelakenearamarina,itisgoingtobeagreatsummerspotforsure.“ButIwanttogoinfifty-fifty,”Isay,andshejustlooksatme,shocked.“Iknowyoudon’thavethecapitalrightupfront,soI’llputupthemoney,andyoucanpaymeback.”
“Idon’tknowwhattosay,”shewhispers.It’snosecretshe’shadahardlife.It’salsonosecretthatforthepastsixmonths,she’srunthisplaceandthepubwithouttakingonedayoff.
“Youdon’thavetosayanything,”Ireply,gettingup.“Youearnedthis.”Iopenthedoorandwalkouttoseestaffallaroundthebar.Thehostessgirlsareontheirphones,andIclearmythroat.Theydon’tevenbothertolookup.
“CanIhaveeveryone’sattention?”Iraisemyvoice,andthegirlsfinallylookupatme.Oneofthemevensmirksatme.“Forthoseofyouwhodon’tknowme,I’mLuke,andI’mtheboss.”
Mikaelaclearsherthroat.“I’mthesecondboss.”
“Canwespeedthisup?”theblondesays,leaningbackinherchair.
“Wesurecan,”Isay,crossingmyarmsovermychest.“You’refired.”Theybothjustlookatmeandthenateachother,unsureofwhattosayorwhatthehelljusthappened.
“Youcan’tjustfireme!”theblonderetorts.
“Oh,butIcan,”Iinformher.“Youknowwhy?”Iwaitforhertohaveoneofhersnarkycomebacks.“Letmetellyouwhy.One,youstandingatthatstand.”Ipointatthehostessstand.“Whichmeanswhensomeonecomesintothisplace,youarethefirstfacetheysee.Doyouthinktheywantyoutobeonyourphoneandignoringthem?”Ilookatthem,waiting.“Becauseifitwasme,Iwouldn’tevengiveyouasecondthoughtandbeoutofhere.Whichmeansyou’recostingmemoney.”Theyjustlookatme,andtheotherstaffmembersavoidlookingatthem.“AndifI’mnotmakingmoney,nooneisgettingpaid.”
“It’snotallthetime,”oneofthemsays.
“Evenonetimeisonetimetoomany.”IlookoveratMikaela,whojustnods.“Ifyou’reboredatthefront,I’dratherseeyouwalkingaroundhelpingoutbyfillingupwaterglassesthanonyourphone.Soifthoserulesaretoomuchtogoby,thedoorisrightthere.”Ilookaroundtheroomateveryone.“Ifdemandingyourfullattentionwhenyouareworkinghereistoomuchforanyofyou,nowisyourchancetospeakup.”Iwaittoseewhowillgetupandwhowillstay.EvenI’msurprisedwhennoonemoves,noteventheblondes.“Good,”Isay,andMikaelasmiles.“Withthatsaid,Ithinkwearegoingtobehiringmorestaffforbehindthebar.”Thebartendersjustnodtheirheads,andoneputsuptheirhand.
“Whatabouthiringsomeonejusttodealwiththetables?”heasks.“Lotsoftimes,weareslammedwithourownclients,andthenwehavethemachinegoingnutsforthewaitstaff.”
Inodathim.“Wewilldefinitelybegettingyousomebackup,”Iassurehim.TherestofthemeetinggoesfastasItakethetimetoaskeveryonewhattheylikeandwhattheyarestrugglingwith.It’ssomethingthatIstartedinNewYork,andtheworkersjustconnectedwithyouevenmore.Iftheythinkyou’relisteningtothem,theywillworkharderforyou.Oncethelastpersonwalksoutofthedoor,IturntoMikaela.
“Igottohandittoyou,”shesays,smirking.“Ithoughtthosetwoweregoners.”
“Mustbemycharm,”Ijoke,yawningandthenrubbingmyhandsovermyface.“Let’sgo,”Isay,andwebothwalkoutthebackdoor.ShelocksitasIwaitforhertogetinhercarbeforeIgetintomytruckandheadovertomyhouse.
Pullingupinthedriveway,Iseethatthefrontlightsareonbecausetheyaresetonatimer.Igetoutofthetruckandwalkovertothegaragedoor,punchinginthecode.Thedoorslowlystartstoopen.Thebeepingsoundfillsthegarage,makingmeduckundertheopeningdoorandrushtothealarmpaneltoputinthecode.TheminuteIfinishputtinginthelastnumber,thebeepingstops.Iwaitforthedoortoopenbeforepressingthebuttontocloseit.IkickoffmyshoesonceIwalkupthetwostepstothemudroom,noteventurningonthelight.Mybedroomisrightoffthemudroom,andwhenIstepin,theonlylightcominginisthereflectionofthemoonandthelightsfromoutside.ThebedisexactlyhowIleftit,withthecovershalfonthefloor.Istandhereforaminutejustlookingatthebed,myheartbeatingsofastinmychest.
Myfeetmovebeforemybraindoes,andI’mstandingbythebed,myhandgoingtotheemptyglasssittingthere.Ipickitup,myheadscreamingatmetoputitbackdown,butinstead,Isitonthebedandlookdownattheglasswiththelipstickstain.MyfingertipsruboveritasIrememberhandinghertheglassinthekitchen.Thememoriesofthatnightcomerushingbacklikeawaveduringastormoverandoveragain.Ican’tescapeit.Iclosemyeyes,hopingtoblockitout,butallIseeisheroverme.
Herheadwasthrownbackasshestraddledmeinthemiddleofthebed.Ilookover,seeingthatspotwhereherheadwas,andevenaftersixmonths,it’sstillthere.ThelasttimeIwasinthehousewaswithher.ThelasttimeIsatinthisbedwasthesametimeItoldherthatitwasamistakerightbeforeIpackedmyshitandleft.
“Whatthefuckdidyoudo?”Iaskmyself,hopingtoanswermyownquestion,butnothingcomesout.TheonlythingIhearisthesoundoftheglasscrashingintolittlepieceswhenitfallsfrommyhand.Chapter5
Clarabella
TheminuteIshutthefrontdoorandhearEdward’scardriveaway,IwalkovertothekitchenandtakeoutthebottleofscotchthatIhavehiddeninthebackcupboard.AbottlethatIsaidIwouldkeepforcompanyandnevertouchagain.Iunscrewthecapanddon’tevenbotherwithaglassbeforetakingalongpullfromit.Theburninghitsallthewaydown,andwhenIclosemyeyes,thememoriesofthatnightcomeback.
“Workingwithyouissoeasy.”Hesmiledfromtheothersideofthecounteraswebothlingered.Untilheaskedmetohaveadrinkwithhimathishouse.IknewIshouldn’thavegone.Iknewitwasabadidea.Iknewit,yetallIcoulddowassay,“okay.”Butinstead,Ilefttherewithhimandfollowedhimtohishouse.Thereinhiskitchen,with
Iwipethetearoutofthecornerofmyeye,takinganothersipofthescotch.Thepaininmychestisjustasmuchasitwasthatday.Iignoreitallandpushitfarbackinmyhead.InthelittleblackboxthatIcreatedforit.Iwalkovertothekitchensinkandpourtherestdownthedrain,tossingthebottleintherecyclebin.
Thenextdayit’salmostlikeI’mazombie,oratleastthisishowIthinkazombiewouldbe.TheblacksunglassescoveringmyeyeswhichIhadtospendextratimeworkingon,tocoverthefactthatItossedandturnedallnightlong,pissesmeoffevenmore.Ibethedidn’tevenloseaminuteofsleep,thebastard,IthinktomyselfasIwalkupthestepstotheoffice.Iholdmycoffeeinonehandwithmyheaddown.Icanfeelaheadachecomingonandit’snotevennineinthemorning.Fine,theheadachestartedlastnightafterIlefttherestaurant,andImadeitanexcusetostayatmyplace,knowingthathehadtopackforanovernighttriphehadtotakeforwork.He’sbeengoingonthosetripsmoreandmore,which,accordingtohim,isagoodsign.
Ipullopenthedoorandstepin,lookingaroundandsmellingcoffeeintheair,soIknowthatsomeoneisalreadyhere.Iwalkintomyoffice,thesunstreaminginandmakingitsuperbright.Iamtheonlyofficewithside-to-sidewindowsinthecorner,whichiswhyIdidabuilt-inbenchallalongthewallwithhugepillows.Awhitetablesitsrightinfrontofthebenchwithtwoplushlightpinkchairsontheotherside.Abigphotoalbumisinfront,withallthedifferentstylesoffoodwe’vedoneovertheyears.EventhoughIhaveadesk,Ispendmostofmytimesittingatthistable.Ilovelookingoutsideduringthedayandseeingthesun.
Iputmypurseonthetableandwalkovertomydesk,grabbingthefilesIneed.“Jesus,doyouownanyothercolorbutblack?”IhearShelbysaywhenshewalksintomyoffice.Sheiswearingalightpeachskirtwithawhitehaltertop.Herowncoffeeisinonehandastheotherhandcarriesacoupleoffolders.
“What?”Ilookdownatmyoutfit.Theblackleatherskirtfitsmelikeagloveandgoesdowntomyknees.Thetightblacksleevelessbodysuitalsomoldsontome,pairedwithblackpatentstilettos.
“Iswear,yougotengaged,andboom,everythingyouownisnowblack.It’slikeyouareinmourning.”Shelaughsatherownjokeandthenstopswalkingasshelooksatme.
“Whatareyouguystalkingabout?”Presleysays,comingintotheroomwearingcream-coloredpantswithababy-bluesilktoptiedaroundherneckwithabigbow.
“DoyouthinkIweartoomuchblack?”Iturnnowandaskher.
“Imean,youcandefinitelygiveMorticiaarunforhermoney.Iwasthinkingitwasyourgothicstage.”Sheshrugs.“I’mjusthappythatyoudidn’tchooseablackweddingdress.”
“CanyouimagineMom’sface?”Shelbyadds,laughingasshewalksovertothewhitedeskandputsherstuffonitasshepullsoutoneofthechairs.
“Ihaven’twornthatmuchblack,”Ihuff.
“Okay,”Shelbysays,sittingdown.“Whenwasthelasttimeyouworesomethingotherthanblack?”
“Mythirtiethbirthdayparty,”Iremindher,crossingmyarmsovermychest.
“Andthenyougotproposedtoandstartedwearingblack,”Presleypointsout.“Maybeit’syourwayofsayinggoodbyetoyoursinglelife.”
“That’sthestupidestfuckingthingI’veeverheard.”Isitonthebench,knowingPresleylikestositinthechair.
“Okay,fine,”Shelbysays.“Tonight,IwantyoutogohomeandFaceTimemefromyourcloset.”
Iglareather.“Aren’tyoubusysuckingyourhusband’sdickuntilhechokesyou?”
Shethrowsherheadbackandlaughs.“Thatwasyesterday.”
“Yeah,tonightit’sherturntoridehisface,”Presleyinformsme,sittingdownnexttoShelby,whoisjustglaringather.“Yourvoicecarries.Howisitmyfault?”
“Youcouldmindyourownbusiness.”IpointatPresley,wholaughs.
“ThisfromthewomanwhosignedShelbyuponadatingsitewithouttellingher.”Nowit’smyturntoglareather.
“Wedidittogether.”Myvoicegetslouder.“YouthinkIcameupwiththenameShelbyWimblybymyself?”Ishakemyhead.
“Okay,nowthatwegotallthisoutoftheway,”Presleysays,changingthesubject.“Whatdidyouwanttohavethismeetingabout?”
“Acoupleofthings,”Isay,grabbingmyfiles.“ThefirstisthatwehavetogoovertheeventswehavescheduledwhileI’mgone,”Itellthem,andtheyopentheirownfolders.“Also,Ithinkit’stimeweswitchupdivisions.”TheybothstopandlookatmeasifI’vegrownasecondhead.“I’mtiredofdoingjustthefood,”Ilietothem,andIwanttosaytheybelieveme,buttheydon’t.
“YousaidjusttwoweeksagowhenIhadtoscrambleforanewflorist,”Shelbystates,“thatyouneverwanttodowhatIdo.”
“Lastmonth,Ihadtogetanewvendorforourcrystal,”Presleysays.“Andyouwalkedoutoftheroomandsaid,‘goodluckwiththat.’”
“Yeah,well,Ithinkthatit’ssmartthatweswap.”Iavoidtheireyes,andIwaitaminute,andwhennoonesaysanything,Ilookupatthem.“What?”Iask,irritated.
“Wearejustwaitingfortherealreason.”Shelbypicksuphercoffeecupandbringsittoherlips.
“Okay,fine.”Itakeadeepbreath.“Lukeisback.”Ibringthecupofcoffeetomylips,takingasipandsuddenlywishingitwasscotch.
“Whatdoyoumeanhe’sback?”Shelbyasks,leaningbackinherchair.
“ImeanthatIwenttodomytastetestinglastnight,andLukeistheonewhocookedforus.”Iputmycupofcoffeedownandignorethewaymypalmsgotsweatyfromsayingthat.Orthefactthatmystomachdidaflipatthementionofhisname,orthefactthatmyheartisbeatingsohardinmychestI’mhavingtroublecontrollingmybreathing.
“Awkward,”Presleysays.“Thisexplainswhyyoulooklikeshit.”Iflipherthebird.“DidyoutellEdward?”
Iglareather.“WhatwasIsupposedtotellhim?”Igritoutthroughclenchedteeth.“PleasetellmewhatIwassupposedtosay,exactly.ThisisLuke.Webangedonce,andhetookoffthedayafter.Oh,Ithinkweshouldgowiththesalmon.”
“I’msorry.”Shelbyholdsupherhand.“Holdthephone.DidyoujustsayyoubangedLuke?”
“Calledit!”Presleyleansbackinherchair,andIjustglareather.“Obviously,that’sbesidethepoint.WhatdidLukesay?”
“Nothing.”Ishakemyhead.“Imean,IthinkhewasshockedIwasthebride,andIfelthimstaringatmethewholetime,butIdidn’tgivehimthetimeofday.”
“Savage,”Shelbysays.“ButI’mjustgoingtostatetheobvious.It’sbotheringyou.”
“Itisnot,”Icountersofastitwouldgiveanyonewhiplash.“I’mpissed.Thereisadifference.”
“Butifyoufeltnothing,youwouldn’tevenbepissed,”Presleypointsout,holdingupherhandswhenI’mabouttotellhertofuckoff.
“I’mpissedbecauseIwascaughtoffguard,”Isay,atthesametimethatmysubconsciouslaughsatme.“Also,whatkindofquestionisthat?”Theirritationinmyvoiceisveryapparent.
“Iamnottheenemy,”Presleyremindsme.“I’mjuststatingthatifyoufeelthisway—”
Istopherbeforeshefinishesthesentencebecausesheisn’ttheonlyonewhowasthinkingaboutthis,andIputaquickstoptothatone.“Idon’tfeelanyway,”Isnap.
“Okay,letmerephraseitforher.”Shelbytriestodefusethebombabouttogooffinsideme.“Ifyoufeelthatstronglyaboutnotworkingwithhim,thenwhydon’tyoujustswitchtoanothervendor?”
Igroan,thinkingaboutstompingmyfeetlikeakidhavingatantrum.“Becauseyouallknowhe’sthebestoutthere,”Iadmit,andtheysharealook,neitherofthemsurewhattosay.“Ugh,fine,whatever.I’lljustdealwithit.”Ilookatthem.“Icanmakeitwork.”
“Whatifyoujustasktoworkwithsomeoneelse?”Presleyasks.
“Sohecanknowthathegetstome?”Iask,andthenIcatchmywords.“Eventhoughhedoesn’t.”
“Heforsuredoesn’tgetunderyourskinonelittlebit,”Shelbysays,andsherollsherlips.
“Ihateyouboth,”Isay,gettingup.“Isthemock-upformyweddingdaydone?”
“Itis,”Presleyconfirms,standing.“Dowewanttoseeit?”
“Canwegetinabettermoodbefore?”Shelbysuggests,climbingoutofherchair.“Thelasttimeyouwereinthismoodwhenchoosingtheinvitationforyourwedding,itdidnotbodewell.”Imighthavegoneoffonthegraphicdesignerjustatouch,andshemighthaveleftintears.
Istopinmytracks.“ShesaidIdidn’tmakehercry.”Ithrowupmyhandsinfrustration.
“Shelied,”Presleysays.“Justlikeyouarelyingtoyourselfabout—”
Iholdupmyhandtostopherfromtalking.“Ifyousayhisname,I’mgoingtothroatpunchyouandmakeyouwearahattomywedding.”
Shelaughsatme.“Joke’sonyou.”Shewalkspastme.“Ilookgreatinhats.”
“You’lllookevenbetterwithmyfootupyourass,”Imumbleasshewalksoutoftheroom.IlookoveratShelby.“Don’tevenstart.”Ipointather.“BeforeItelleveryoneyouhadsexinyourofficebathroom.”
Shegasps,“Ididnot.”
Ifoldmyarmsovermychest.“Rightthere,”Imimicher.“Yes,rightthere,”Igroan.“Don’tstop,”Imoan.
“Ican’tgetanyprivacyinthisplace,”shehuffsandwalkspastme.“Yeah,well,IbetyoupicturedLukenakedlastnight.”
Irollmyeyes.“Mature.”IavoidlookingathereyesbecauseIdidindeedthinkofhimnakedlastnight,butIalsothoughtabouthimnakedthismorningandagainrightthisminute.“I’msoscrewed,”ImumbletomyselfasIwalkovertothevenuespace,ignoringthewaymysisterlaughsatme.Chapter6
Luke
Myphoneringsfromthebedsidetable,andmyeyesopenonceandthencloseagain,ignoringitforaminute.I’monmystomachinthemiddleofthebedwithmyfacedownononeofthepillowsthatsmellexactlylikeher.Mycockgoesevenharderasitpressesintothebedandtheimagesofherpushingmedownandridingme.Igroaninfrustration.Allfuckingnight,thatistheonlythingIdreamedof.Itwastheonlythinginmydreams.Everywhereandnowhere.IfIclosedmyeyestightenough,Icouldevenhearhercallingmynameoverandoveragain.Myarmswrappedaroundherwaist,herheadthrownbackasIkissedherthroat.
Iturnoverfromthemiddleofmybed,openingmyeyes.Theroomisstilldark,thankstotheblackoutcurtainsIhadinstalledwhenImovedin.Myhandslapsthephoneonthesidetabletoshutoffthealarm.Itakeasecondtojustliehereinthebed,lookingupattheceiling.ThesameceilingIspentmostofthenightlookingat,waitingforittotellmewhatthehelltodo.ThesameceilingIfocusedonwhenItoldherthewordsthatbrokemebeforetheybrokeher.ThesameceilingIlookedupatwhileshegotupandgotdressed,stormingout.
Throwingthecoversoffme,Iwalkovertothekitchenandstartthecoffeemachinebeforegoingtothebathroom.Iwashmyfaceandbrushmyteeth,runningmywethandsthroughmyhair,thensliponsomeblackjeansandablackT-shirtbeforeIwalkbackintothekitchenandpourmyselfacupofcoffeetogo.Grabbingmykeysandphone,Iheadouttothegarage,pressingthebutton,thenarmingthealarmbeforewalkingout.Thesunhitsmyeyesrightaway,andIhavetosquintabit.Theheatalsohitsme,makingmeshakemyhead.“NothinglikeMayintheSouth.”
Gettinginmytruck,Imakemywayovertothepub,knowingtheyshouldbesettingupforlunchtime.ThemeetingisshorterthanIthoughtitwouldbe,andwhenIgetinthetruck,thewordskeepgoingoverandoverinmyhead.“Clarabellahasreallypushedeventsourway.”Theminutetheysaidhername,Iwasallmessedup.It’slikeIcouldn’tevenconcentrateuntilIspoketoher.NotonlydidshekeepworkingwithmyrestaurantsafterIleftbutshealsopushedthembig-time.Itjustdidn’tmakesensetome.Nothingaboutanythingmadesense.Iknewcomingbackwouldbehardforme,butIdidn’tknowitwouldbethishard.Formywholelife,Ineverconnectedwithanyone,anditwasthewayIlikedit.UntilthatonenightwithClarabellalinkedmewithheronadifferentlevel,andIwasn’texpectingit.
Ipullupinthevenue’sdriveway,knowingthisisabadidea.Ieventoldmyselfitwasabadidea.Iwasheadingtotherestaurant,butmycardrovemehere.IparkwhereIalwaysusedtoparkbehindthevenuespot,rightoffthekitchen.WhenIpullopenthebackdoor,thecoldairhitsmerightaway,andIputmyaviatorsunglassesonthetopofmyhead.MypalmsaregettingatouchsweatywhenIthinkbacktoallthetimesIwashere.Ignoringthewaymyheartisbeating,Iwalkintothekitchen,andIhavetostopwhenthememoryofthefirsttimeIwalkedintothisplacecomesrushingbacktome.
Theplacehadjustcaughtonfire,andshewasscramblingtogetfoodforherbrother’swedding.Thetwoofuswaitedinthekitchenaftertheweddinggotcanceled,andIstoodrightinfrontofher.“Soyoufinallycavedandcalledme.”Ihadtoputmyhandsinmybackpockets,orIwouldhavebeentemptedtoleaninandtouchthecurlinfrontofherface.Itwasaperfectcurl,alsoonethatyoucouldhavestuckyourfingerrightthrough.
“Iwasatthebottomofthebarrel.”Shedidn’tbackdownfrommewhenIstaredintohercrystalblueeyes.Icouldn’thelpbutlaugh.Itookastepclosertoher,herlipscallingouttometokissher,butTraviswalkedintothekitchen,andinthatsplitsecond,themomentwasover.
“Justsaywhatyouneedtosayandleave,”Itellmyselfandwalkintothevenuespace.It’susuallyfilledwithtablesanddecorations.Butthistime,it’semptyexceptforatableinthemiddleoftheroom.Ilookaround,seeingifanyoneisherebecausesomeoneisusuallyalwayswalkingarounddoingsomething.Butforonce,it’seerilyquiet.Allyoucanhearismybootsonthewoodenfloor.
Iwalkovertotheroundtableinthemiddleoftheroom.Thechampagne-coloredtableclothhitsallthewaytothefloor.Thegoldchairsaroundthetablehaveasheerivorysheetovertheback,andit’stiedwiththesamecolorribbonasthetable.Whiteplatesfillthetablewithwhitenapkinsinthemiddlewitharibbontiedtoit.Itlooksfancyasfuck,especiallywithonecrystalchampagneglass,awineglass,awaterglass,andanothershotglass.Theivoryflowersinthemiddleofthetablecompletethelook.I’msoentrancedbythetableIdon’theartheheelsclickinguntiltheyareinthesameroomasme.
MyeyesflyupwhenIfeeleyesonme,andIseeherstandingtherelookingatme.“Sorry,Icameinfromtheback.”Ipointtothebackofthekitchen.Myheartgoescrazyinmychestatherappearance.IfIthoughtshewassexybefore,fuck,sheuppedhergamesinceI’vebeengone.Herhairisatouchshorterthanitwasthelasttime.Thefrontismovedtothesideandtuckedbehindherear.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Shedoesn’tmovefromherspot,andtobehonest,I’mafraidtomovefrommyspot.Thinkingthatonemoveandshe’lljustbegone
“Icamebysowecantalk.”Iputmyhandsinmybackpocketssoshedoesn’tseethemshake.
“Nothingtotalkabout,”shesays.“Youcanletyourselfoutthesamewayyoucamein.”Sheturnstowalkoutoftheroom.
“Clarabella.”Isayhername,andshestops.Icantellshe’spissedjustbythewayhershouldersgosquare.Sheturns,andtheice-blueeyesthatIoncelovedlookinginto,well,iflookscouldkill,Iwouldbedead.“Ireallythinkweneedtotalk.”
“ThereisnotonethinginthisworldthatIwanttotalktoyouabout,Luke,”shedeadpans.
“Youarestillusingmyrestaurantsasyourprimaryvendor.”Inevermovemyeyesfromher.
“Okay,and?”shesays.
“Why?”IaskthequestionI’vebeenaskingmyselfsinceMikaelatoldmeabouthowmuchsheworkswithher.“Aftereverythingthatwentdown.”
“Nothingwentdown,”sheretorts,makingmepissed.“Itwasamistake.”Thewordscutmetothecore,anditservesmerightsincethosewerethewordsItoldher.Nothingwasamistake,myheadscreams.
“I’mbacknow.”Iwaittoseeifherfacechanges,butitdoesn’t.Itjuststaysthesamewiththebigshieldup,andIfuckinghateit.Butthenagain,Iputitthere.It’stherebecauseofme.
“Idon’tseewhatthatmatters.”Shefoldsherarmsoverherchest.“WorkingwithMikaelaiseasy,andthetwoofusmeshwell.”
“Withmeback,she’llbetakingastepbackandfocusingjustontherestaurant.”Iwatchhertoseeifitsinksin.“Youwon’tbeworkingwithheranymore.You’llbeworkingwithmeagain.”
“Again,Idon’tseewhythatwouldmattertome.”Sheunfoldsherarms.“Myclientsdeservethebest,andthebestiswhatyourrestaurantgivesme.Sountilitchanges,thatiswhatI’mgoingtoworkwith.”
“I’msorrythatIleftlikethat.”ThewordscomeoutbeforeIcanstopthem,andIseerightawaytheygettoher,butshemasksit.
“Idon’tcare.”Sheshrugs.“Idon’tcarethatyouleft.Idon’tcarethatyou’reback.WhatIcareaboutistheservicethatyouprovideformyclients.”Herwordsgutme.“Now,ifyou’llexcuseme,Ihaveameetingwithaclient.”
Sheturnstowalkout,andIseethetattooatthebottomofherneck.ThetattoothatItracedwithmytonguerightbeforeIslippedintoher.“It’sabeautifultable,”Icompliment,andshelooksoverhershoulder.“Veryelegant.”
“Thankyou,”shesays.“Ihopemyweddingguestswillloveit.”MymouthhangsopenasIlookatherandthenbackatthetable.Thesoundofherheelsclickinggetsfartherandfartherawayfromme.
“She’sgettingmarried,”Isaythewordsoutloud,hopingitwillfinallyregisterinmybrainthatsheisoffthemarketandisinthe“donotgothere”category.“Motherfucker,”Icursewithallthepent-upangerIkeptatbayinfrontofher.Havingherstandthereinfrontofmeandtotallybrushmeoffkilledmeinside,butIdon’tknowwhatIexpected.IthoughtforsureshewouldripmeanewoneandaskmewhyIdidit.ButIdidnotplanforhertobrushmeoff.Forhertostandinfrontofmeandactlikeitdidn’tevenbotherher.Atleastthatiswhatitlookedlike.Exceptforthatonesecondwhenherguardslipped,andIsawthehurtinhereyes.
MyeyesroamoverthetableagainasIlookateverythingsoneatlydone.Iwanttoripeverythingoffthetableandthrowittothefloor.
ButIdon’t.Instead,IturnandwalkbackoutthedoorIwalkedinto,notoncelookingback.
IslamthedoorofmytruckalotharderthanIhaveto.Startingitandbackingup,IputmyglassesbackonmyeyesasIdowhatItoldmyselfnottodo.Itakeonelookback,knowingwhereherofficewindowis.Istareintoit,hopingthatshecomestothewindow,butnothinghappens.Nothinghappensexcepttheroarthatripsoutofmeandthefistthatpunchesthesteeringwheel.Chapter7
Clarabella
“Happydaybeforetheweddingday!”Shelbyentersthebridalsuitewhilemyhairisbeingfixedwithtwocrystalchampagneglassesinherhand.Sheiswearingablush-pinktulledress,withabeadedbelt,thatgoesallthewaytothefloor.Itflowswhenshewalks,andtheminuteshetriediton,sheboughtit
“Happydaybeforetheweddingday,”Irespondbacktoher,smiling.Thatsayingwassomethingthatwestartedtosayatthebeginningwhenwegotourfirstcoupleofclients.
Shecomesandhandsmeaglassandclinksitwithmine.“Tothelastpenisyouwilleverhave.”ShemakesmelaughasItakeasip.Thehairdresserblow-driesmyhairintoaperfectbob.Icutitabittooshortlasttime,thinkingthatitwouldgrowbackintimeforthewedding,butitdidn’t,andwearejustgoingtohavetogowithit.Mymothertriedtotalkmeintogettingextensions,butshenixedthatideawhenIboughtawigwithhorriblebangsandshowedupatherhouse.Sotheyaregoingtogowithmyshorthairthatislayeredinthefront.
“Tothelastpenisofmylife,”IsayonceIfinishthewholeglass.
Thedooropens,andPresleycomesin,inherownblush-pinkdress,buthersmoldstoherbody.ShewenttheoppositeofShelbyandsaidsinceshewastheonlysingleoneleft,shehadtobesexyforallofus.Herblackhairispartedinthemiddleandpinnedbackintoaponytail.“Icomebearingbooze.”Sheholdsupthechampagnebottleinonehandandaglassintheother.“Happydaybeforetheweddingday.”
“Fill’erup,”Iinvite,handinghermyemptyglass.“Howisitgoingoutthere?”
“Well,thegroomisalreadyhere,”Presleysays,poppingthebottleofchampagne.“WhichisalreadybetterthanShelby’swedding.”Ilaugh.
“Andyouonlyhavethetwoofusasbridesmaids,soit’ssafetosayhehasn’tfuckedeitherofus,”Shelbyassuresme,holdingherownglassupandswallowingwhatwasleft.
“Imean,Idon’tknowaboutyouguys,butthat’swinninginmybook.”Iclapmyhandstogether.“Thankyoufornotsleepingwithhim.”Presleyhandsmemyglassofchampagne,andItakeagulp.
“Anythingforyou,”Presleyteases.“Imean,itdoeshelpthathe’stheoppositeofmytype.”
“That.”Shelbypointsather.“AndIhavemyownpoletorideathome.”
“I’mgoingtothrowupifyoukeepcallingAce’sdickapole.”I’mfinishingmyglassofchampagnewhenthereisanotherknockonthedoor.
“CanIjointheparty?”Harlowasks,pokingherheadinandsmilingatus.“Actually,yourbrotherispinchingmyass,socanwejointheparty?”Inod,andsheopensthedoorandwalksinwearingalongblackdressthatlookslikelace.Ithasnosleeves,andwhenitgetstoherknees,it’sallsee-through.“Iworeblackforyou,”shesays.“Soyoufeelathome.”
“Happyweddingrehearsal,”Travissays,holdingupthedrinkinhishand.It’salowglasswithamberliquidinside,andIholdoutmyhand.
“One,it’shappydaybeforetheweddingday,”Ideclare,waitingforhimtogivemehisglass.“Andtwo,Ijustwantasip.”Hecomesoverandhandsmehisglass.
“Ithoughtyougaveupscotch,”PresleyquizzesfrombehindmeasIbringtheglasstomylipsandtakeasip.Theburningonthewaydownmakesmeclosemyeyes.
“Idid.Ijustwantedtotasteit,”Isay,notbotheringtogivehimbackhisglass.Thehairdresserfinishesmyhairandleavestheroomformetogetdressed.
“Howcrazyisitoutthere?”IaskTravis,whojustsmiles.
“Nothingcaughtonfire,”heconfirms,andweallgasp.
“Theuniverse,”Shelbysays.“Youguysmessedaroundwiththatatmywedding,andlookwhathappened.”
“Youbecamealegendandthenhadaweek-longaffairwithyourbestfriend,”Presleyremindsher.“Thenmarriedhim.”Shefinishesherglassofchampagne.“Icallthatwinning.”
“I’mjustgoingtosayit,”Harlowsays.“Ifthisweddingdoesn’thappen,yourmother…”Sheshakesherhead.“Shealreadysaidshe’smoving.”
Wealllaughathernow.“Mymotherisn’tgoinganywhere.Youhavehergrandkids,andthisoneisgoingtobepregnantanydaynowwiththeamountofsextheyhave.”
“Keepthedrink.”Travisgrimacesashewalksovertothecouch.“Whydoesn’tthegroom’sroomhaveallthisshit?”heasks,lookingaroundtheroom.“Thereshouldbeacomfycouchinthereandatelevisiontowatchsportswhilewewait.”
“Putthatinthesuggestionboxrightnexttothe‘fuckoff,wedon’tcare’boxatthefrontdoor,”Shelbysaystohim.Harlowshakesherheadandwalksovertohim.Heopenshislegsforher,andshestepsinsidethem,turningandsittingonhislap.Hishandsitsatthebaseofherbackastheyshareasmile.MystomachflutterswiththenervesIdidn’tknowIhad,andIpushthemaside.IalsopushasidethevoicethatasksmewhenwasthelasttimeIlookedatEdwardlikethat.
Iinhaleandtakeanothersipofthescotch.“It’sgoingtobefine.”Ispeakthewordsoutloud,andevenI’mshockedtheycameoutofme.Mysisterssharealook,andHarlowlooksatmewithwideeyes,meaningthatthewordsactuallycameoutofmymouth.“Imean,everythingisdone,right?Allthethingsareinplace.”
“Everythinghasbeenchecked,”Shelbysays.
“Double-checked,”Presleyfillsin.“Thegroomishere.Nothingisgoingtocatchonfire.”SheglaresoveratTravis.“Noonesleptwithanyonetheyshouldn’tsleepwith.”ShelooksatHarlow.
“Obviously,Iwassupposedtosleepwithhim.”HarlowwrapsherarmaroundTravis’sshouldersandleansdowntokisshimwhenthereisanotherknockonthedoor.
“It’sGrandCentralStation,”Imumble,takinganothersipofthescotchwhenthedooropensandAcecomesin.
“IwastoldthatIneededtocomeinhereandseeifeverythingwasokay,”heannounces,walkinginandsmilingateveryoneuntilheseesShelby,andhissmilegetsevenbigger.“Edwardisgettinganxiousoutsidewaitingforyou.”
“Atleastheisn’tbeatingdownherdoor.”Presleylooksathimandraiseshereyebrows.“Likeabarbarian.”Shelaughs.“Meman,youmywoman,”shesaysinacaveman’svoice,makingusalllaugh
“Shecalledmeandsaidhelp,”Acesays,puttinghisarmaroundShelby.“WhatwasIsupposedtodo?”
“Ignoreherlikeanypropergroomdoes,”Ireply,gettingupoutofthechair.“Okay,timetogetintomyoutfit.”
“I’mout,”TravisandAcebothsayatthesametime.
“I’mgoingtogomakesureyourmotherisokay,”Harlowstates,comingtomeandhuggingme.“Takeyourtime.”
Theywalkoutoftheroom,andIwalkovertothecurtain,pullingitopenandseeingmyoutfithanginginthemiddleoftheroom.“Yougoingtoputthatglassdowntogetdressed?”Shelbyasksfrombesideme,andIlookdownandseethatmyhandisgrippingtheglasssotightmyknucklesarealmostwhite.
“Yes,”Imumble,puttingitdownonthetable.Islipoffthewhitesatinrobethatmysistersgotmefortheday.I’malreadyinmybraandpantiessetthattheyalsogotmeforthisnight.“I’mnervous,Ithink.”IlookatShelbyandwaitforhertotellmeit’snormal.
Islipintothewhitepantsthataretightontopandthengostraightdown.Zippingitclosedattheside.Thepantsreachmidcalfandaretailoredtome.“Likemyheartisbeatingsofast,”Isay,puttingmyhandonmychestasIgrabthebeigeandwhitetop,puttingmyhandsinthedelicatesleevesthathavehand-embroideredflowersthatgoallthewayupmyarmflowingtothefrontofit.Neitherofthemsaysanythingastheywatchmegetdressed,whichisn’thelpingmynerves.“Ineedsomeonetobuttonmeup,”Iinformthem,lookingoverandseeingPresleywipeatearfromthecornerofhereye.Shecomestomeandfastensthefivebuttonsatthebaseofmybackthatleadtoatrainthatgoesdowntothefloorwithhand-embroideredflowersscatteredalloverit.Iputmyhandtomychestandturnaround,lookingatthem.“Isthisokay?”IaskaboutthepantsuitIpickedouttoweartonight.
“It’ssoyou,”Shelbyconfirms.
“ThankGodit’snotblack.”Presleywalksovertothetable,grabbingtheglassofscotchandhandingittome.“Howaboutyoufinishthis,andthenyoucancomeout.”Inodmyhead.
“Thatgrandentrance,”Shelbysays.“Andit’stotallynormalforthenerves.”
“Wereyounervouswhenyouweregettingmarried?”Iask.“Eithertimeworks.”
“WithJoseph,Iwas,”sheadmits.“WithAce,Ijustwantedtogetitoverwith.”Inodatherandtakeasipofthescotch.“Everyoneisdifferent.”
“Putyourshoesonandthencomeout,”Presleyinstructs,andthetwoofthemleavemealoneintheroom.IslipmyfeetinthenudeshoesIboughttogowiththisoutfit,thenwalkovertothemirrorandlookintoit.
Ilookatmyselffromheadtotoe.“Youaregettingmarried,”Iremindmyself.“Edwardisperfect.”Iclosemyeyesforaminutetothinkbacktowhenwemet.IonlysaidyestohisdatetoprovetomyselfthatLukemeantnothingtome.Ikeptgoingoutwithhimtospitehim,ifI’mhonest.Thefirstcoupleofdates,Imadeitapointtogototherestaurant,hopingtorunintohim,hopingtoshowhimthathedidn’tbreakme.Thatwasmygoal,butEdwardwassokindandloving.Hewasattentiveandjusteverythingthatyouwantinaguy,andthenitwasadisservicetohimtokeepthinkingaboutLuke,soamonthafterwestarteddating,Iputhiminablackboxatthebackofmymindandrefusedtothinkabouthimuntilmythirtiethbirthdayparty.
UntilEdwardstoodthereinthemiddleofthevenueonbendedknee,askingmetomarryhim.Iwascaughtoffguard,andIdidn’thaveachancetoblockLukeout.Instead,whilehewasonhisknee,theonlythingIsawinmyheadwasLukesmilingatmeandlaughing.IforcedhimbackintotheboxandagreedtomarryEdward.Hewasmychoice.Hewastherightchoice.
Theknockonthedoormakesmelookup,andIrealizeIhaveatearrunningdownmyface.Iusemypalmtowipemyface,avoidinglookinginthemirror.“Wesaidgrandentrance.”Presleysticksherheadin.“Butthisisoverdoingit,evenforyou.”
“I’mcoming,”Isay,gulpingdowntherestofthescotchandputtingtheglassdown.“Canyoudomeafavor?”
“No.”SheshakesherheadandopensthedoorsoIcanwalkoutwithher.
“Good,canyougivemeaglassofwinebutmakesureit’sscotch?”Isay,andshejustlooksatme.
“Theyaren’teventhesamecolor,”shetellsme.
“Theywillbeifyouuseablackwineglass,”Isuggest,andshegaspsatme.
“Wow,shegetsmarried,andallofasudden,shebecomesdevious.”Sheshakesherhead.“I’monit.”Shesqueezesmyhand.“Nowgointhereandpretendyou’rehappy,”shesaysandwalksawayfromme.
“Iamhappy,”Imumbletomyself.Itakeadeepbreathbeforewalkingout,thewholetimepretendingI’mhappy.Chapter8
Clarabella
“Isthathammering?”Imumblewithmyeyesstillclosed.Mycheekiswetfromthedroolthatformedapuddlearoundmymouth.“Whatisthatnoise?”IattempttoprymyeyesopenatthesametimethatItrytoswallow,butneitherofthoseactionsisworking.
“Happyweddingday,”Ihearmymothersayasshewalksintotheroom.
“What?”Iask,andthehammeringcontinues.
“OhmyGod,”shesays.“Whatthehellhappenedinhere?”
“ItwasShelby’sfault,”Presleymumblesfromsomewhereintheroom,butthenIfeelmovementbesideme.“Shewastheonewhostolethegoodjuice.”
“Ugh,no,it’snot.”Ifeelthecoverpulloffme,andthenabigthudhitsthefloor.
“Motherfucker,”Shelbycursesasmymothergasps.
“OhmyGod,areyouokay?”Icanhearherrunningtothebed.
“Didshefalloutofthebed?”Presleygetsup,sittingbesideme.“Issheokay?”
“IthinkIbrokemyface,”Shelbymumbles.“Mom,getoffme.”
“I’mnotonyou,”mymotherhuffs.“I’mtryingtohelpyouup.”
“Whyisitsoloud?”Isay,tryingtofallbackasleep.“Caneveryonebequiet?”
“Getup!”mymothershouts.“Allofyougetup.”
“Presley,”Imumble.“Tellhershe’snotthebossofus.”
“Youtellher,”Presleyreplies.“Shelookslikeshe’sabouttowhipourasses.”
“Shecan’ttouchme.I’mgettingmarried.IfIhavebruises,ChildProtectiveServicesisgoingtobecalled.”
“You’rethirty!”mymotheryells.“Nowgetup.Thecarisgoingtobehereinthirtyminutes,andyouallstink.”
“Idon’tstink,”Presleydefends,andIopenmyeyejustintimetoseeherraiseherarmandsmellherarmpit.“Maybealittle.Iwasstuckinthemiddleofthesetwoallnightlong.”Shepushesmyshouldernow,andit’sjustthepushIneedtofalloffthebed.
Iscrambletoholdon,butmyasshitsthefloorwithabang.“Fuck,”Iswearandjustliehere.“Ithinkthatsmellisme.”
“You!”mymothershoutsandpointsatme.“Youaregettingmarriedtoday,andyoulooklikeyoujustcrawledoutofadumpster.”IgaspandcloseoneofmyeyesbecausethepoundingthatIthoughtwashammeringbeforeismyhead.
“Shedoeshaveraccooneyes,”Presleynotesfromthemiddleofthebed,andIlaughather.
“Whatever,atleastmyhairisreal.”Ipointather,seeingoneofherextensionshangingbyathread.
Shelbysitsupfromtheothersideofthebed.“Whatthehellhappened?”Weallgaspwhenweseethatherlipisbleeding.“WhydoItastemetal?”
“You’rebleeding,”mymothersays,throwingherhandsupintheair.“Onetime,”shehuffsassherunsoutoftheroomtothebathroom.“AllIaskedforistomakeonetimegosmoothly.”ShecomesbackinwithawetragandhandsittoShelby,whoputsitonherlipforasecondandthentakesitoff,gaspingwhensheseesthelightpink.Shegetsupandstormsovertothemirror,lookingatherlip.“Justonetime,canIbecalmonthedayofthewedding?”
“Relax,”Isay,standingupandfallingonthebed.“Everythingisfine.”Iliebackdownonthepillow.“Everyonegetsdrunkbeforetheirwedding.”
“Really?”mymotherhuffs.“Nameoneperson.”Sheputsherhandsonherhips.
“Shelby,”Ideclare,pointingoverPresleytowardShelby,whoturnsandlooksatus.
“Thatwasbecausemyfiancéwasfuckingsomeoneelse,”sheretorts,turningbacktolookinthemirror.“OhmyGod,it’sgettingbigger.”Shepointsatherlip.
“IthinkIneedtoshower,”Isay,gettingup.“Maybethatwillhelp.”
Istand,andtheroomspinsagain.“Imightneedtomaybeeatsomething.”Iwalkouttothebathroom.
“Youhavefiveminutes!”mymotheryellsfromthebedroomasIclosethedoorandstarttheshower.Idon’tevenlookinthemirror.Instead,Ijustgetintheshowerandletthewatercascadeallaroundme.Lastnightwasamazing,andallthenerveswentoutthewindowtheminuteIwalkeddowntheaisle.HewasmychoicebecauseIlovedhim.Hetreatedmelikeaprincess,andwhenIheldhishandinmine,therewasacalmnesstoit.Hewantedmemorethananything,andeverysingleday,hehasprovedittome.Iamgoingtospendtherestofmylifeshowinghimthathechosetherightwoman.
“Here.”PresleyopensthedoorassoonasIturnoffthewater.“Youneedtowearthis.”Sheputsthesatinsetonthecounter.
Ilookatherinherownsatinsetthatlookslikeshegotitfromunderherbed.“Whathappenedtothatone?”Ipointather.
“Iforgotitinmybaglastnight,andIwantedtosteamit,but‘let’sdoshots,’”shemimicsme,“happened.Well,it’sfine.I’llsteamitoncewegettothebridalsuite.”
“Isminelikethat?”Iask,pickingupmineandseeingthecreasesfromitjustbeingtakenoutofthebox.
“It’sfine,”shehisses.“Justhurryup.Thecarishere.”
IwalkoutofthebathroomtwominuteslaterandhearPresleyyellingforme.“Canwegetonwiththeprogram?”Iwalkdownthestairs,lookingoveratShelby,whoiswearinganeyemaskaroundhermouth.
“Whattheheckisthat?”Ipointatherandtrynottolaugh.
“It’stheonlythingthatIcanthinkoftohelpslowdowntheswelling.”Shethrowsherhandsup.“Canwejustgetgoing?”Sheopensthedoorandstops,makingPresleyandmelookoverather.“Whatisthis?”Shebendsdown,andIseeabrownbagthere.“WhothehellorderedMcDonald’s?”
Igasp.“Thatwasme.”Ipushherasideandlookdownatnotonebuttwobigbags.“Iforgotaboutthis.”
“Whenthefuckdidyouorderthis?”Presleyleansdownandgrabsthebag.
“Iaskedyouifyouwantedtoeat;yousaidgetmeaburger,”Iremindher.“Andthenthephonefellonyourfacewhenyoutriedtoputinyourorder.”
“Oh,yeah,”shesays.“But”—shegasps—”weorderedforty-sevenburgers.”
“No.”Ishakemyhead.“Iputfourburgersandsevenfries.”Igrabthebillfromher.
“Well,accordingtothat,”Presleystates,“youorderedforty-sevenburgersandonefrenchfry.”
“Itoldyouthatyouneedtowearglasses,”Shelbychidesfrombesideme,andIglareather.
“Theonelookslikeaseven,”Ihuff,pickingupthebagoffoodandgrabbingaburger.
“Youaren’tgoingtoeatthat?”Presleyasksmewhileshegrimaces.“It’sbeenoutsidesincethreeo’clock.”
Iopenthewrapperandsmellit.“Itsmellsokay.Mom,canIeataburgerthat’sbeenoutsidesincethreeo’clock?”
“Yes,”shesays,walkingoutofthehouse.“Ifonewantstohavefoodpoisoning.”
Ilookattheburgerandthenmymothergettingintothewaitinglimo.“Wecanswingbyandgetyousomethingtoeat,”shetellsme,andIlookbackdownattheburger.“Youreallywanttochancestandingatthealtarandthenshittingyourself?”
“Ugh,fine,”Isay,tossingtheburgersintheoutsidegarbagebin.“She’ssuchabuzzkill.”
Afterwegetintothecar,Iputmyheadbackontheseatandfallasleepinamatteroffiveseconds.Istayasleepuntilthecarstops,andIhearsomeoneslamthecardoor.“Didwestopforfood?”Iaskthem,andtheynodtheirheads,holdingupthebrownbag.
Thebackdoorofthecaropens,andmymothergetsoutfirst,thankingthedriver.Igetoutafterherandwalktowardthebridalsuite.Malloryisthereoutsideholdingasilvertraywithfourchampagneglasses.“Ohmy,”shesayswhensheseesme.“Happyweddingday,Clarabella.”
Igraboneoftheglassesoffthetray.“Thankyousomuch.”Ismileather,andshelooksoverasPresleyandShelbyclimboutofthecar.
“Someonehadagoodtime,”shenotes,rollingherlips.
“Youhavenoidea,”Isay,pullingopenthedoorandwalkingintothebridalsuite.
Thephotographeristheretocapturethefirstlook,andshejuststops.“Someonedidn’tcleanofftheirmakeupfromlastnight,”sheobservesandrubsherfingerunderhereye.
“Itoldyouthatyoulookedlikearaccoon,”Presleysaysfrombehindme,walkinginandgoingovertoplopdownintothechairs,puttingthebrownbaginthemiddleofthetable.
Iwalkovertothewallwherefourstationsaresetupwithgoldvanitiesandmatchinggoldplushchairsinfrontofthem.Mirrorswithbigchunkygoldframeshangdowninfrontofeachchair.Ilookatmyselfandgasp.IlooklikeIhavetwoblackeyes.Theblackmascarafromlastnightplusthewaterfromtheshowerisnotagoodlook.“Iwentoutofthehouselikethis?”Iquestion,lookingbackatPresleywhileShelbywalkstothemirrorandtakesofftheeyemaskthatshehadtiedaroundhermouth.
“IlooklikeIgotlipinjections,”shewhines,turningtolookatus.
“Yeah,ononlyoneside,”Ijoke,laughing.“Andthenchickenedoutfortheotherside.”
“Okay.”Themakeupartistenterstheroom.“Howarewedoing?”Sheclapsherhands,andthehairdresserbehindherjustgasps.
“It’slikeTheHangoverwithoutthefacetattoo.”Shelooksatallofus.
“Andthetigerinthebathroom,”Presleydeadpans,bitingintohersausagebiscuit.
“Ineedashower,”Shelbysays.“IfeellikeIpartiedhardlastnight.”
“Youdid,”Ipointout,sittingdownnexttoPresleyandgrabbingasandwich.“Youwerejumpingonthebedsinging‘GirlsJustWanttoHaveFun.’”Ilaugh.“Momcameinandsaidthewholeceilingwasshaking.”
“AndthenshewentintothebathroomandFaceTimedAce,”Presleyshares.“Andtriedtohavephonesexwithhim,andhesaidhewashanginguponher.”Shelbygasps,puttingahandtohermouthassheremembers.
“Thenshecriedthathedidn’tloveher.”Ican’thelpthelaughthatcomesoutofme.
“Ididnotcry,”shedenies,shakingherhead.
“Youdid,andhehadtocallMomtomakesureyouwereokay.”Irollmylips,thinkingofwhatelseshedid.
“Thenyouwentintothebath,”Presleysays,“fullyclothedandstartedsingingnobodyknowsmysorrow.”Ican’thelpbutspitoutmyfood.“‘NobodyKnowstheTroubleI’veSeen.’Whiletherainshowerpoureddownonyou.”
“Ithoughtthatwasadream,”Shelbysays,sittingdownonthecouchinfrontofus.“It’salllikeablur.”
“Ifthatdoesn’tsayitwasaperfectnight.”Presleysitsup.“Idon’tknowwhatdoes.”Sheholdsupherhandformetogiveherahighfive.Islapherhand,missingthefirsttimebutgettingitthesecond.“Now,let’sgetthisbitchmarried.”
“Yes,let’s,”Iagree,finishingtheglassofchampagne.“I’mgettingmarriedtoday.”Iclapmyhands,notknowingwhatistocome.Chapter9
Clarabella
“Howareyouholdingup?”Presleyasksfrombesidemeasshecloseshereyesandgetshermakeupdone.She’sinherpeachsatinrobewiththewordMOHonthebackofit.IlookdownatmyownwhitesatinrobewiththewordBRIDEembroideredontheback.
“I’mfeelingamilliontimesbetter,”Isay,lookingatmyreflectioninthemirror,whichisnightanddaytohowIstartedthemorning.Myraccooneyeshavebeenwashedoff,andmymakeupisonpoint.Mystomachevenfeelsbetter,eversinceIputsomefoodintoit,hopefullysoakingupallthealcoholIdranklastnight.Thefluttersarethereinfullforce,andI’mwonderingifit’snormal.IlookoveratPresley,takingasipofmychampagne.“I’mabitnervous.”Iputmyhandtomystomachwhenthereisaknockonthedoor.I’mnotgoingtoevenlie.Everysingletimethereisaknockonthedoor,Iexpectittobebadnews.Theysayexpecttheunexpecteduntilheslipsontheweddingband,soI’mexpectingtheworst.
“MayIenter?”Travisstickshisheadinandseesallofussittinginthechairsgettingourhairandmakeupdone.Onceheseesthateveryoneisdressed,hecomesinwearinghisblacksuitthatwepickedoutforhimtowear.Heistheonewalkingmedowntheaisle.“Iwasinchargeofdeliveringthis.”Hepullsaboxfrombehindhisback.It’swrappedinwhitewithablacksatinbow.Hehandsittomeandleansdowntokissmycheek.“Youlookbeautiful,”hewhisperssoftlyinmyear,andIsmileathimandlookdownatthegiftinmyhand.
“Aw,isn’tthatnice,”Shelbysays.“Openit.”Sheclapsherhandsexcitedly.
Iputmychampagneglassonthetableinfrontofmenexttothesilvericebucketholdingthebottleinit.“DoIreadthecardfirst?”Ilookoveratmysistersforananswer.
“No,”ShelbysayswhilePresleypuffsout,“Absolutelynot.”
IlaughasIpullontheblacksash,thenturnoverthelongbox,slidingmyhandunderthetapetoripthepaperaway.Iopentheblackvelourbox,myhandsshakingasIseethediamondtennisbracelet.“Ohmygoodness.”Igaspinshockasmyfingertrailsoverit.Iputitdownonthedeskandopenthecard,seeinghiswriting.
Clarabella,
Toaneternityoflove.
Edward
Thestingingoftearsstartsatmyeyes,andIlaughitoffasIfanmyface.“Ican’tcry.”Ilookatthemakeupartist,whoshakesherhead,tellingmeIcan’tcry.
“Justremember,”Presleyscoffs.“Youhadraccooneyesnottoolongago.”Ican’thelpbutlaughnow,yetthenervesdon’tgoaway.Instead,theycomeonfullforcenow,andItrytosteadythebeatingofmyheart.
Thereisanotherknockonthedoor,andthistimewhenitopens,it’smymother,stilldressedinherownsatinrobewithaMOBonit.Wejokedwithherthatatthispoint,sheshouldjustjointhemob.HereyesscantheroomasshelooksforShelbyandPresley.Icanseethelookofpanicinhereyes.“Whathappened?”
“Nothinghappened.”Sheshakesherhead.“Can’tItalktomydaughterswithoutsomethingbeingwrong?”Shewringsherhandsinfrontofhernervously,soIknowsomethingiswrong.
“Youcan,butnotwiththatface.”Ipointather.“Thatwasthesamefaceyouhadonwhen…”Itrytothinkofwhenshedidthatface,andmyheartstartstobeaterraticallyasIsitupinthechair.Ipushawaythehairdresserandstand.“Whathappened?”Ilookatmysisters,whositupandgetoutoftheirownchairs.
“Let’scalmdown,”Shelbytellsme,holdingherhandsupwhenIglareather.“Whateverhappens,it’snotasbadasyouthinkitwillbe.”
“Yeah,”Travissays.“Lookathowbadmineturnedouttobe.”Helaughsandputshishandsinhispockets.“Everythingburneddownand…”
“Andyounevergotmarried!”Ishriek,andmymotherslapshisarm.
“Idiot,”shemumbles.“Everythingisfine.”Shesmiles.“ButIneedtospeaktooneofyoursistersaboutsomethingprivate.”
“Private?”Iyell.“Sincewhenhasanythingbeenprivatewithourfamily?”
“Never,”Presleyconfirms.“Youmightaswellsaywhateveritisyouwanttosay.Sheisn’tgoingtoletyounotsayanything.”
“Yeah,whatshesaid.”IpointatPresley.
“Okay,fine.Mallorysaidthatthecatererhasn’tarrivedyet,”mymothersays,throwingherhandintheair.“Now,willyousitbackdownandfinishgettingyourhairdone.”
“Whatdoyoumeanthecatererhasn’tarrived?”Theblooddrainsfrommyfaceandtravelstothebackofmyneck,makingithot.TheonlythinggoingthroughmyheadisLukedoingthistospiteme.Also,I’mgoingtomurderhimwithmybarehands.I’mgoingtowrapmyhandsaroundhisneckandchokehim.Ilookatmysisters,andtheybothhavewideeyes,butonlyonesecondpassesbeforethereisanotherknockonthedoor.IfeellikeI’mabouttocrawloutofmyskinatthismoment.
“Hi,”Acegreets,pokinghisheadin.HelooksaroundandfinallystopswhenhespotsShelby.“Whathappenedtoyourmouth?”Hepointsather,cominginwearingthesamesuitasTravissincehe’sgoingtobewalkingmymomdowntheaisle.
“Presleypushedmeoffthebedwithherbigass.”ShepointsatPresley,wholaughsather.
“Anyway,Mallorysaidtotellyoucrisisaverted,”Acesays,andmymotherlooksatme.
“See,Itoldyouitwasfine.”Sherollshereyesatme.“Nowsitdownandfinishyourhair.”Shepointsatthechair,andIsitbackdownandgrabmyglassofchampagne.
“Cansomeonepleasegocheckandseewhatwasjustgoingtohappen?”Iask,smiling,butinside,I’mfreakingout.
“I’llgo,”ShelbyvolunteersandthenstartstowalkpastAce,whostopsher.“Oh,nowyouwanttotalktome?”Helaughsatherandgrabsherhand.“No.”Sheshakesherhead,butshedoesn’tmakeanymovetostepawayfromhim.
“Comehere.”Hepullshertohimandslipshisarmsaroundher.“Imissedyoulastnight.”
“Youhunguponme!”sheshrieksathim
“Youwantedmetoshowyoumyprivatearea,”Aceremindsher,lookingatmymother.“Ididn’t,obviously.”
“I’veseenyourprivatearea,”Shelbyprotests.
“Sohavewe,”Presleysays,holdingupherhand,andIjustshrug.
“Iturnedaround,”Iadmit,finishingmydrink.
“Ididnot,”Presleysays,giggling.“I’mnotpickingsides.”ShelooksatShelbyandthenatTravis.“Butthisisthebestfirstweddingwe’vedone.”
“Minedoesn’tcount,”Travisdeclares.“Thefuckingplacecaughtonfire.”
“Myexwassleepingwithhisex,”Shelbysays,pointingfromhertoAce.
“Well,whenyou’reperfect,you’reperfect,”Isay,holdingupmyemptyglass.“Cansomeonetopmeup?”
“Howaboutwestopthetoppingupandstartdrinkingsomewater,”mymothersuggests,andIlookather.
“It’smyweddingday.”Iputmyhandonmychest.“I’mallowedtodrink.”
“Justbehappyit’schampagneandnotscotch,”Shelbyannounces,andIwinkather.
Ittakesmethirtymoreminutesuntilsheplacesthecrystalheadpieceatthesideofmyhead.“There,”Shelbysays,andmymouthgetsdry.“Nowit’sperfect.”Shemakessureeverythingistuckedwhereitshouldbe.
“IthinkI’mreadytogetdressed.”Iturnandlookateveryone.TravisandAcesharealook,andafterkissingShelbygoodbye,AcefollowsTravisout.
“Okay,herewego.”Mymotherwalksintotheroom.Mysisters’dressesarehanginginthemiddleoftheroom,rightnexttomydressthatisfittedonamannequin.“Let’sgetyouinyourdress,”mymothersaystome,andmystomachliterallylurchesintomychest,andIthinkI’mgoingtobesick.Ipushdownthefeeling,tellingmyselfthatit’sjustnerves.It’salljustnerves.
“We’llgetdressedfirst,”Shelbystates,lookingoveratPresley.“Andthenwearegoingtohelpyougetintothedress.”Ijustnodmyheadandlookaroundforaglassofwater.
“Ineedtodrinksomewater,”Imumbleandavoidthatallmovementhasstoppedastheylookoveratme.“I’mfine.I’mjust,it’sdryinhere.”Iturn,walkingbacktotheroomandgrabbingawaterbottle.Itakeasip,lettingthecoldwaterhitthebackofmythroat,blinkingawaythestingingoftearsasItrytobringmybreathingdowntonormal.
“Okay,”mymothersays,andIturntolookather.Sheiswearingaforest-greendresswithasheercapethatflowstothefloor.
Iwalkintotheroom,seeingmysisterswearingtheirblush-pinkdressesthatmoldtothem.“Okay,timetogetyouintothismonsterofadress,”Shelbyinformsme,andInod,takingoffmyrobeandsteppingintothedress.
Iholdthedresstomychestasmysistersbuttonuptheonehundredsilkbuttonsalldowntheback.“Anddone,”Presleysays,andIturnaroundtofaceallthreeofthem.
“Youlooklikeadivinegoddess,”Shelbycompliments,blinkingawaytears.
“EventhoughIwantedyoutogowithsomethingmoretraditional,”mymothersays,“thisdressisyou.”
Ilookdownatmydress,andIsmile.“It’sveryme,”Iagree.“Guys”—Ilookatthem—”canIhaveaminute?”
“Youtakeallthetimeyouneed,”Shelbystates,turningandwalkingoutfirst.
“I’mgoingtogoandmakesureeverythingisready,”Presleysays,turningtofollowShelbyout.
Mymotheristhelastoneintheroom.“Ifyouneedme,allyouhavetodoiscall,”shereassuresme,andIlaugh.
“Mom,don’tpretendyouaren’tgoingtobelurkingoutsidethedoor,”Isay,andsheglaresatme.
“No.”Sheshakesherhead.“I’mgoingtogomingle.”Shestormsoff,leavingmebymyself.
Iwalktothemirrorandlookatmyself.Thedressisreallyme.Thefrontisasweetheartneckline,butIhaditplungedownabitmorethanmymotherliked.It’stightuntilmyknees,andthenitrufflesoutinhundredsandhundredsoflayers,somethingelseIadded.It’ssimpleandcleanandperfect.WhenImeetmygazeinthemirror,Itrytocalmmyselfdown.“Thisisreallyhappening.”IputmyhandtomystomachandwonderifmaybeIdidthedresstootightsincebreathingisstartingtobehard.“Youaregoingtobefine.”Itrytoencouragemyself.“It’sallgoingtobefine.”
Iputmyheadbackandclosemyeyeswhenasoftknockfillstheroom.Ishakemyhead,turningandpickingupthebottomofthedressasIwalktothedoor.Myhandturnsthehandle,thesunhittingthebraceletthatEdwardgaveme,notknowingthatonceIopenthisdoor,everythinginmylifeisgoingtochange.Chapter10
Luke
Iwalkoutofthehousetowardmytruck,tossingmybaginthebackseatbeforestartingthetruck.Thesunishighinthesky,shiningsobright,makingitaperfectdayforawedding.Iswallowdownthelumpinmythroatandshakemyhead.
MyheadgoesbacktothelastconversationIhadwithherovertwoweeksago.WhenIcamebacktotherestaurant,IwentstraightbehindthebarandpouredmyselftwoshotsofscotchbeforeIsaidawordtoanyone.Mikaelacameinandtookonelookatmeandjustwaited.“Ifit’sokaywithyou,”Isaid,“Iwilltakeoverthewholecateringthing,butit’llbeafterClarabella’swedding.”Shedidn’taskanyquestions.Shejustnoddedandwentbackintothekitchen.OnlyaftermyfourthshotdidIagreetodoalltheprepworkforher,whichshegladlyaccepted.
SoIgotupatfouro’clockthismorningandwentin.Imadesurethateverythingwasdonebeforeturningandwalkingout,notlookingback.TheminuteIsawweweredoingtherehearsaldinnerandthewedding,IknewtherewasnowayIcouldbethere.Notachanceinhell.Iwouldratherwalkoverburningcoalsthanbeinthesamebuildingasherandherfamilyastheycelebratehergettingmarried.SoI’mleavingtown.MygoalistogouptomysecludedcabinwhereIgetnoWi-Fi,nocellservice,nonothing,andgettotallyshit-faced.
Istartthedriveoutoftown,myhandsgrippingthesteeringwheelasImakeonestoponthewayout.Therestaurant.MyplanistodrinkuntilIpassout,butIhavetohavesomekindoffoodfirst.
IgooutofmywaytomakesureIdon’tpassthevenue,makingthedriveinfortyminutesinsteadoffifteen.
Pullinguptotherestaurant,Iseethatthevanisgone,soIknowthatMikaelaisgone.Iparkmytruck,thengetoutandwalkin.Inodtothechefssettingupfortheday.“Ithoughtyouwereleavingtown?”oneofthemaskswhileIwalkovertothefridge.
“Juststoppedforprovisions,”Iinformhim,grabbingstuffinmyarms,thenwalkingovertothewoodentablewhereIspentthemorningpreppingeverything.Puttingthethingsdown,Iwalktomyofficeinthefrontandgrababag.Walkingbackintothekitchen,Ifillitupwithenoughfoodtolastmeatleastfourdays.“Okay,I’mout.Seeyouguysnextweek,”Isay,notknowingexactlywhichdayI’mgoingtobecomingback
Iplacethefoodbagnexttomybagandgetbackintothetruck.“Nextstop,cabin.”
I’malmostoutofthestatewhenthephonerings,andIseeit’sMikaela.“Hey,”Igreet,pressingthegreenbuttononthephone.
“Luke,”shesays,huffing.“Whereareyou?”
“Almostatthestateline,”Ireply,lookingatthephone.
“Wehaveaproblem,”shesays,andIdon’tknowwhybutmyheartfreezesinmychest.“Vanbrokedown.”Thewordsnocatererwantstohear.“I’mtryingtogetthefoodtransferred,butyouaretheonlyonewithabigtruck.”
“Fuck,”Icurse,knowingthereisnochoice.IfIdon’tgo,thefoodgoesbad,andClarabellaendsuphatingmefortherestofherlife.“Sendmeyourlocation,”Isay,turningthetruckaroundandthenpressinginherlocationandfindingthatI’maboutthirtyminutesout.
“It’sfine,”Itellmyself.“I’llgetthere,grabthefood,andbringittothebackofthekitchen.”MyfingerdrumsthesteeringwheelasIdrivebacktowardClarabella.MyheartpoundssohardinmychestIopenthewindowstogetmybreathingundercontrol.“She’llbegettingmarried,sothereisnowayyouevenhavetoseeher.”Itrytotalkmyselfoffaledge,butnothingandnowordscancalmmedown.“IguessthisiswhatIdeserveaftereverythingthatIdid.Mypenance.”Ilaugh.“Mypenance.”Irollupthewindowandblasttheair-conditioning,knowingthatI’mgoingtohavetotransferthefoodfromthevantomine.
Imakethedriveinundertwenty-fiveminutes,spottingMikaelawalkingbackandforthonthesideoftheroad.“ThankGodyouweren’tthatfaraway.It’shotterthanawhoreinchurch,”shehuffs.“Luckily,thefridgehasitsowncompartment.”Sheopensthebackofthecab,andthecoldairrushesout.ThetowtruckshowsupatthesametimeasI’mabouttounloadthevan.
“Canyoutowustothevenue?”Iask.“Wecanunload,andthenyoucantakethevan.”
“It’llbeanextracharge.”Helooksatme,andIjustnod,turningtoMikaela.Wegetbackinmytruck,neitherofussayinganything.
“I’mbehind.”Shelooksoveratme,andIknowwhatiscomingnext.“Youaregoingtohavetostayabitandhelpmeout.”Idon’tsayanything.Instead,Ijustnodmyheadbecauseallthewordsarestuckinmythroat.Idefinitelyampayingmypenance.Chapter11
Clarabella
Thesoftknockhasmelookingawayfromthemirrortothedoor.Ipickupthebottomofmydresstoturnandstartwalkingtothedoor.AllIwantedwasacoupleofminutestopushdownthenerves,thejitters,butallIgotwereacoupleofseconds.IguessIshouldbehappythattheygavemeatleastthat.“You’vebeengoneforoneminute,”Isay,pullingopenthedoor,expectingittobeoneofmysisters,butitisn’t.It’sawomanstandingthere,holdingababyinherarms.Shehaslongblackhairinabraid,thetailoverhershoulder.Herbrowneyeslookverytiredandarebloodshottoshowthatshehasbeencrying.“I’msorry,”Isay,confusedastowhysheishere.“Areyoulost?”Ilookaroundtheemptyhallway,wonderingifsheisstuck,butit’sempty,thesidedoorstillclosed.
“No,”shesays,hervoicecomingoutsoft,andthebabysquirmsinherarms.Shelooksdownatthebabywrappedinablueblanket.Idon’tknowmuchaboutbabies,butIdon’tthinkthisbabyisveryold.“YoumustbeClarabella.”Shesaysmyname,andthehandthatisstillholdingthedoorhandleisnowinadeathgrip.Myheartstartstospeedupatouchasthebloodfeelslikeit’sdrainingthroughmybody.Ican’texplainhowIknowthiswillbeamomentIrememberforever,butIdo.
“Iam,”Iconfirmtoher,myarmdroppingfromthehandleofthedoor.Mybodyfeelsasifit’sslowlydetaching,andI’mwatchingamovie.AmoviethatIdon’twanttobeapartof.Likeahorrorfilm,whenyouscream,“don’tgointhebuilding,”buttheygointhereanyway.ThatisexactlyhowI’mfeelingnow.MymouthsuddenlygoesdrywhenIaskthequestionmyheadhasbeenscreamingsinceIopenedthedoorandsawher.“Andyouare?”
“I’mLouise,”sherepliessoftly.“MayIcomein?”sheasks,andmyheadscreamsno,butmymouthdoesn’tcatchupwithmyhead.
“Sure,”Isay,movingmydressoutofthewaytogivehersomespacetowalkin.“AreyouafriendofEdward’s?”Iask,thinkingthatmaybesheishereforthewedding,butherattireofblackleggingsandawhiteT-shirttellsmeotherwise.
“Youcansaythat,”sherespondsandstopsinthemiddleoftheroom.Herheadmovesaround,takingineverythingbeforeshesays,“Ineedaminuteofyourtime,andthenI’llbegone.”Sheturnstolookatme.Thetearsrundownherfacefreelyassheholdsthebabyclosetoherchest.
“Areyouokay?”Iask,suddenlyworriedforher.“Doyouneedwaterorsomething?”
Sheshakesherhead.“Thiswouldbealoteasierifyouweren’tsonicetome,”sheadmits,hervoicecrackingasshelooksdownatthebabyinherarms.Theloveiswrittenalloverherface.
Myhandsstarttoshakenow,myheadputtingthepiecestogether,butmyheartdoesnotbelieveit.“Listen,Idon’tknowwhatisgoingon,”Isay.Thesoundofmyheartbeatingfillsmyears.“Butasyoucansee,I’mabouttowalkdowntheaisle.”
Hereyesroamfrommyheadtothebottomofmydress.“Oh,Iknow,”shesays,smiling.“Trustme,Iknow.”
Myheadisspinningrightnow,andI’mtwosecondsawayfromtellinghertofuckoff,butthereissomethinginsidemethatstops.“MynameisLouise.”Sherepeatshername,andshejustlooksatme.Isayhernameinmyhead,tryingtoplaceher,butcomeupempty.“Well,fromwhatIseeonyourface,I’massumingyoudon’tknowaboutme.”Ican’tanswerher,nothingcomesout,butmyheadshakesfromsidetoside.“ThisisEdward,”sheannounces,lookingdownatthebaby,andeverythingstopsintime.Ifeeltheairintheroomstandstill.Timeliterallystandsstill.Theonlythingthatdoesn’tstandstillisthebeatingofmyheart.“He’samontholdtoday,”shesays,hervoicefillingwithpride.
ThefeelingIhadbeforecomesbacktenfold.Myhandgoestomystomachnowasitdipsandrises.Almostasifthestormiscoming,andmystomachisthewavespickingup.IthinkI’mgoingtothrowup.Louisedoesn’twaitformetotalk.Instead,shejustgoesaheadandcontinuesherstory.
“ImetEdwardfouryearsago,”shestarts.“Ifellinlovewithhimafterthefirstdate.”Shewipesthetearrollingdownherface.“Ineverhadanyonetreatmewithsomuchloveandaffectionbefore.HewasthePrinceCharmingthattheytalkedaboutinDisneymovies.”Itrytoswallow,butmymouthisdry,andthelumpinmythroatgrowsbiggerandbigger.Mydressfeelslikeitissqueezingmychest,makingithardformetobreathe.“Hetookmehometomeethisparents,andtheydidn’texactlyapproveofme.Ididn’thaveaneducationliketheythoughtIshould.Myparentswereinandoutofmylife,andIwasaserver.”Iswearmybreathingcomesoutinpantsnow,oratleastthatiswhatitfeelslike.
“Sohedecidedtohideourrelationship,andIagreedwithhimatthebeginning.Itmadeitbetter,tobehonest,therewerenodisapprovingphonecallswhenweweretogether.Noonetotellmeexactlywhywecouldn’tbetogether.Wewerelivingwitheachother,andhisfamilyhadnoidea.”Iclosemyeyesforaminute,eachandeverysinglewordthatsheissayingislikeastabtomyheart.Everysinglewordsinkinginmoreandmore,andtheonlythingIthinkisthatit’sallbeenalie.“Butthentheyfoundout,andtheygavehimanultimatum.Itwasthemorme.”Shetakesabigbreath.
“Sohechosethem.EventhoughIhopedhewouldchoosemeandstanduptothem.Iknewthatthechoicewouldbethem.Afterall,Edwardwaslivingoffthem.Theysupportedhim;theystillsupporthim.Theywouldcuthimoffifhedidn’tbreakitoffwithme.”MyheadspinsaroundasIthinkbacktotheconversationIhadwithhimabouthisfamily,especiallyhisparents.Imethisparentsonlyahandfuloftimesbecausetheytraveledsomuch.Hisfatherwasaretiredstockbroker,andhismotherwasastay-at-homemom.“So,hemovedmeintoalittleapartmentanhourawayfromthem,andeverysingleThursdaynight,hewouldshowupandstayuntilMonday.”Isweartheroomisspinning,butit’sjustthebeginningofthetipoftheiceberg.
“WhenItoldhimIwaspregnant,hewashappy,sohappy.”Shesmilesthroughthetearsatthememoryshehasofthem.Sheleansforwardandkissesthebabyonhishead.“Idon’tknowwhybutIthoughthavinghisbabywouldchangethings.Butoneweekturnedintoanotherweek.Everysingletimehepromisedhewouldtellhisparentsaboutthebaby,hecamebackandsaiditwasn’ttherighttime.Therewasneveragoodtime.Butthen,sixmonthsago,hestartedactingstrange.”Mykneesstarttoshake,knowingthatthisiswhenwemet.“Andstandoffish,Ithoughtitwasbecausehewasnervousaboutthebaby.Butthentheweekendtripswouldbecanceledatthelastminute,andinstead,hewouldcomebyduringtheweek.Iknewinmybonesthatsomethingwasgoingon.Soamonthago,Ifollowedhimonedayandsawyouwalkingoutofyourhouse.Heranupthestairstogreetyouandhandedyouabouquetofsunflowers.”Thememoryofthatdaycomesback,hewasgoneallweekandwassupposedtocomebackonWednesday,buthistripgotextended.Thesunflowerbouquetwasinhishandasheapologizedoverandoveragain.“Idrovebackhomethatday.Myheartbrokethathewaslyingtome.BrokenthatIputallthisfaithinhim,andeverysingletimehejustbrokemyheart.BrokenthatthefamilyIenvisionedgivingoursonwasover.Ithinkallthestressandthenervespushedmeintolabor.IcalledhimassoonasIwasadmittedtothehospital.Itwentstraighttovoicemail,andwhenhefinallycalledmeback,Iwasalmostfivecentimeters.HemadeitthereintimetoseeEdwardbeingborn.”Shelooksdownatherson,whosleepsinherarmsasshesobs.
Thememoryofthatdayagain,piecingalltogether;hewalkedoutoftheroomtwohoursafterhegothome,andwhenhewalkedbackintotheroom,hewasaswhiteasaghost.Anemergencyhadcomeup,andhehadnochoicebuttogo.Ineverevenquestionedhim,nevereventhoughtanythingofit.Iwasafool.“Itriedtokeepmycalm,butwithallthehormonesinme,Iconfrontedhimaboutyou,buthesaiditwasjustafling.Hewouldenditwithyou,andthenthethreeofuswouldbeafamily.Iwasstupidandna?vetothinkhewastellingmethetruth.Buthestartedcomingaroundmoreandmore,spendingallweekwithme.Acoupleofweeksago,hewasintheshower,andhisphonebeeped.”Ican’tevenimaginewhatshesaw.“ThereinthemiddleofmylivingroomwhileIwasnursingourson,yousenthimamessageinforminghimthatheneededtogoforhissuitfittingsoitwouldbereadyforthewedding.”
“OhmyGod.”That’stheonlythingIhear,andit’sfromShelbyandPresley,whoarenowstandinginthedoorway.Louiselooksoveratthem,andthefearfillsherface,andIcantellshewantstorun.
“Thesearemysisters.”Thosearetheonlywordsthatcomeoutofmymouth.“Comeinandclosethedoor,please.”MyvoiceisalmostroboticasShelbyandPresleycomein,closingthedoorbehindthem.Shelby’seyesneverleavemeasPresleywalksovertothetableandgrabsawaterbottle.“Howmuchdidyouhear?”Iaskthem,notsureIcanseethemthroughthetearsfillingmyeyes.
“Enoughtogetthewholepicture,”Presleyconfirms,handingmethewaterbottle,andmyhandcomesup,butit’sshakinglikealeaf.Ican’tevenholdthebottle,soIshooitaway.
“I’msorry,”Louisewhispersashershouldersstarttoshake.“Hedoesn’tknowI’mhere,andtobehonest,Idon’tknowwhathewillsay,butIfiguredthatifitweremeandIwasmarryingEdward,Iwouldwanttoknow.”
Shelbylooksather.“Doyouwantsomethingtodrink?”sheasksher,andLouisejustshakesherhead.
Louisereachesaroundherandgrabsawhiteenvelopeoutofherbackpocket.“Ididn’tknowifyouwouldbelieveme”—sheholdstheenvelopeforme—”soIhadtheseprintedsoyouwouldsee.”
Myhandmovesonitsownaccord,reachingoutfortheenvelope.It’salmostsimilartotheonethatIopenednottoolongagowiththediamondbracelet.Ipullopentheflapinthebackandtakeoutthestackofpictures.ThefirstoneisofLouiseandEdwardwiththebabyinherarms.Itwaswhenshegavebirthtohim.Edwardwithhisarmaroundhershouldersassheholdsthebabytoherchest.Thetearsstreamdownherface.Itakeaminutetolookintohiseyes,wonderingifIwouldseeanything,butnothingisthere.Isliptothenextpicture,andit’sEdwardwearingshorts,sittingonacouchwiththebabyonhischestashebendstokissthechild’shead.
Thelastpictureisoftheirgenderreveal,bothofthemholdingsomethingintheirhandasblueconfettifallsdownonthem.Herfaceisfilledwithhappinessaswellashis,andwhenmyeyesfindthedate,Ialmostdropthepicturebecauseheproposedtwodayslater.
“Mynumberisonthebackofthepicture,”shesays.“Iknowyoumustbeinshock,andit’salottotakein.Idon’tknowifyou’llmarryhimornot.”Sheshrugs.“AllIknowisthatyoudeservetoknow.”Shemovesthebaby,placinghimuphigher.“I’mgoingtogo.”Shelooksatmysistersandthenatme.“Thankyoufornotkickingmeout,”shetellsthem,andtheyjustsmilesadlyather.“I’vebeenthesecondchoiceforalongtime.”Shesmilesthroughtears.“Iwon’tbethatanymore.Ideservebetter.”Shekissesherson’shead.“Hedeservesbetter.”Shetakesonemorelookatmeandthenturnstowalkoutoftheroom.Thedoorclosesbehindheratthesametimethatthepicturesfallfrommyhands.Chapter12
Clarabella
Thephotosfallfrommyhand,andmykneesfinallygiveout.I’mabouttohitthefloorwhenPresleywrapsherarmaroundmywaistandtriestoholdmeup.Shelbygrabstheotherside,andthetwoofthemhelpcarrymetoachair.Isitinthechairanddon’tevennoticethattearsarerunningdownmyface.Weretheytherethewholetime?Didsheseemecry?“Thisisn’thappening?”Isay,wipingawaythetearsfrommycheeksangrily.“Like,thisisadream.”IlookatShelbyandthenatPresley.“Imean,it’smorelikeit’sanightmare.”Inodatthem.“It’sanightmare,andanyminuteI’mgoingtowakeup,andweareallgoingtolaughaboutit.”IlaughnervouslywhenShelbygetsupfrombesidemeandwalksovertothebarareathatshesetup.
“Ididn’tthinkwewouldneedthis.”Shesquatsdownandmovesbottlesasideasshepullsoutabottleofscotch.“Ionlyhadithereincaseyougotjitteryandnervous.”Sheopensthebottleandpoursthreeshotsandthencomesover
“Idon’tknowaboutyou,”Presleysays.“Butthiswasthebestideayou’vehadinawhile.”Shehandsuseachashot.Theminutemyhandgripstheglass,Ijustswallowtheshotwithoutwaiting.IthenlookoveratPresley,givinghermyemptyglasswhileItakehers.“Wellthen,”shenotes,lookingdownattheemptyglassinherhand.“IguessyouneeditmorethanIdo.”Idon’tsayanythingasIbreathethroughtheburningthatisnowspreadingfromthetopofmythroattothebottomofmystomach.Shelbydoesn’teventrytotakehershot;instead,shejustholdsitupforme.Grabbingtheemptyonefrommyhand,shetransfersmethefullone.OnlywhenIswallowthethirdshotdoIsaysomething.
“Didthatjusthappen?”Iask,thenmyeyesfocusononeofthepicturesthatislyingonthefloor,theoneofhimwithEdwardonhischest.
“Ithappened,”Presleyconfirms,gettingupandwalkingovertothebottleofscotchthatShelbyleftatthebar.“I’mnotevengoingtolieaboutit.”Shewalksbacktothecouch,pouringanothershotinmyemptyglass.“Iwouldhavebetmylifethatthisweddingwasgoingtobeperfect.”
“OhmyGod.”Shelbygasps.“Itcanstillhappen.”Iturnmyheadandmyeyebrowspinchtogether.“What?”sheshrieksout.“Idon’tknowwhatyou’rethinking.”
“Whatshe’sthinkingisthatmotherfucker,”Presleysays,drinkingashotfromthebottle.“Thatiswhatsheisthinking.”
“Okay,canwealltakeaminute,”Shelbysuggests,gettingupnowandlookingatus.“Whatareyouthinking?”sheasksme.
“I’mnumb,”Iadmithonestly.“Totallyandcompletelynumb.”
“That’sastart,”Shelbysays.“Butwhatelse?”
“Ineedtotalktohim.”IswallownowandturntolookatPresley.“Someoneneedstogogethim.”
“Um…”Presleygetsup.“Whatarewegoingtosay?”
“Idon’tcarewhatyousay.”Igetupnow,andmykneesgiveoutagain,andIsitbackdown.“Idon’tgiveashitifyouhavetodraghimhere.”Mylegsstarttoshakenervously.
“I’mgoingtodistractMom,”Shelbystates.“You”—shepointsatPresley—”yougogethim.”
Presleydoesn’tsayanything;instead,shejustnodsherhead.“Andyou…”Shepointsatme.“Youjust…”SheshakesherfingeratPresleytoseeifsheisgoingtogivehersomesortofencouragement,butallPresleydoesisshakeherhead.“Yousitthereandtrytocalmdown.”
“Oh,surprising.”Ilookatbothofthem.“I’mfuckingcalm.Calmasafuckingcucumber.”
“Thisisgoingtobevery,verybad,”Presleysays,walkingtowardthedoor.“I’dpreferitifyouweretrashingtheplaceandthrowingthingsaround.”Sheopensthedoor.“Thisisalmostlikepremeditatedmurderstatus.”
“Canyounot,”Shelbygritswithclenchedteeth,“giveherideas.”Shehuffsandwalksovertothedoor,pushingPresleyout.Thesoundofthembickeringastheywalkawayfromtheroom.Igetupslowly,walkingovertothepicturesinthemiddleoftheroom.Ipickthemupandthenwalkbacktothecouch,sittingdowntowaitforhim.Igothroughthepicturesagain,once,twice,threetimes.Eachandeverysingletime,thepaininmychestdullsastheangerstartstosetin.
Thereisasoftknockonthedoor,andItakeadeepbreathasthedooropens,andEdwardstickshisheadin.“OhmyGod,Clarabella,”hesays,walkinginsideoftheroom.He’swearinghisblacktux,andhishairisperfectlystyled.“Presleysaidyouwerehurt.”Iholdupmyhandtostophimfromtakinganothersteptowardme.Hestopsinhistracksasalookofworryandconfusionfillshisface.“Areyouokay?”
MyeyeslookstraightintohisasIsaythewords.“IknowaboutLouise,”Ideclare,andthecolordrainsfromhisface.“AndaboutEdward.”
Heopenshismouthandwhispers,“Icanexplain.”
“ThisIwouldlovetohear,”Isay,myheartbeatingfastinmychest,andIholdthepicturesinmyhands.“Pleaseexplaintomehowyouhadachildwithawomanwhileengagedtome?”
“It’snotwhatitseems,”hestartstosay,andifthiswasn’thappeningtome,Iwouldlaughoutloudandscreambullshit.
“Itneveriswhatitseems,”Ireply,myvoicealotcalmerthanIthoughtitwouldbe.“Pleaseenlightenme.”
“LouiseandI,”hestartstosay,andasIlookathim,everythinginmewantstojustwalkoutofthisroomandnotgivehimthetimeofday,butwhenIdowalkoutofthisroom,it’sgoingtobewitheverythingonthetable.“Idatedherawhileago.”
“Soyouweren’tatherhouselastweek?”Iask,andhejuststaresatme.“Okay,well,sinceyouaren’tgoingtotellmethetruth…”Theangerstartstoseepoutofmenow,thehurtbeingpusheddown.“Becausewell,youprobablydon’tknowhow.I’mjustgoingtolayoutthefactsthatIknow,”Istate.Heputsonehandinhispocket,andtheotherholdsthebackofhisneck.
“Clarabella,”hepleads.
“Didyouordidyounothaveababyonemonthago?”IholdupthepictureofhimandLouiseinthehospital.Hedoesn’tsayanything,andIalmostlaugh,butinstead,Ijustcontinue.“Didyouordidyounotlietomeaboutgoingawayonabusinesstrip,butinstead,youwerehelpingcareforyourson?”Iholdupthesecondpicture.“Imean,Idon’tevenknowhowyoucanevenspinthis.”Ishakemyhead.
“LouiseandIgowayback,”hestartsagain.“Andyes,atonepoint,wewereacouple.”
“Atwhichpointexactlywereyoutwonotacouple?”Iask.“Becauseifyouaregoingtostandthereinfrontofmeandtellmeyoudidn’tsleepwithherinthelastsixmonths.”Iglareathim.“You’reabiggerliarthanIthinkyouare.”
“It’sover,”hesays,andnowIcan’thelpthelaughterthatescapesme.
“Letmeguess.Aftertoday,youwerenevergoingtoseeheragain?”Ifoldmyarmsovermychest.“Whataboutyourchild?”IstareathimasIseehimtryingtofindthewords.“Youliedtomeabouthavingachild.Achild.Ason.”Myvoicegoeshigherandhigher.
“Iwasgoingtotellyou,”hedefendsandtakesasteptowardmebutthenstopswhenItakeastepback.
“Whenwereyougoingtotellme?”Iask
“I’mnotevensurehe’smine,”hesays,andwhateverIfeltforhimbeforeisgone.“IwasgoingtowaitfortheDNAtestingbeforeIsaidanything.”
“Youareactuallygoingtothrowyoursonunderabustosaveyourself?”Iask,shocked.“Evenaftereverything,Iexpectedyoutobeastand-upguyandtakeresponsibility.”
“WhenImetyou,everythingchanged,”hesays,andIthrowmyheadbackandlaugh.“Iknowit’scliché.”Heholdsuphishands.“Butit’sjustIknewyouweretheone.”
“Really?”Iask,andhisheadtiltstotheside.“WhendidyouknowIwastheone?”Ilookathim,andallhedoesislookbackatme.“Nowthisisthemillion-dollarquestion,isn’tit?”
“ThefirstnightImetyou,Iknew,”hedeclares,andIglareathim.
“Whendidyoupickoutmyring?”Iask,andthereisareasonforthis.It’swhatIcallmyaceinthehole.“I’mwaiting.”
“ThedaybeforeIproposedtoyou,”hesays,andnowItakeastepforward.
“So,thedaybeforeyouproposedtome,youwentoutandboughtthisring?”Iholdupmyhand.“ThedayafteryouhadagenderrevealpartyandcelebratedthatyoudecidedI’mgoingtoaskClarabella,whoisn’tthemotherofmychild,tomarryme.”Helooksatme,shockedthatIknowthis.“Thispicturespeaksforitself.”Iholdupthelastone.“I’mjust.”Ishrug.“Youarealiar!”Ishoutatthetopofmylungs.“Afuckingcoward.”Ishakemyhead.“Nowthequestioniswhy.Whydidyoudoit?”Iask,andthenithitsme,andItakeastepback.“Wasitbecauseyoulovedme,orwasitbecauseIhadabettersocialstatus?”Hejustswallows.“OhmyGod.”Iclapmyhandstogether.“Wow,wasIanidiot.”
“It’snotthat,”hesays,tryingtocoveritup.“It’syouandme;wejustfit.”
“Wefit?”Iscoff,disgusted.“We”—Ipointathimandthentome—”fit?”Ishakemyhead,smiling.“Wedon’tfitbecauseIhatecowards.”Ipointathim.“Andliars.”Ipointagain.“Andweasels.”Ipointathimagain.“Whichyouarealloftheabove.Youhaveachild,whohasyourblood,withsomeoneelseandyou…”Iclosemyeyes.“Pathetic.”Itakeonemorelookathimandthenstarttowalkoutoftheroom.
Iwalkpasthim,andhishandgrabsmyarm,stoppingmefromwalkingout.“Please,Clarabella,Iwasgoingtotellyou.Iwasjustwaitingfortherighttime.”
Iyankmyarmoutofhistouch,andhishandfallstotheside.“Therighttimewouldhavebeenthefirstnightyoutookmeout.”Iputmyshouldersback.“Likethisistheperfecttimetotellyouone,gofuckyourself,andtwo,theweddingisoff.”Chapter13
Luke
“Areyouokay?”MikaelaasksmefromthepassengerseatassoonasIstartdrivingbehindthetowtruck.
No,myheadscreamsatme.“Yeah,I’llbefine,”Ilietoher,butmyhandsaregettingsweaty,andmyheartbeatisgoingsofastit’sallIhearechoinginmyears.Mystomachfeelslikethereisahurricaneinthemiddleofitjustspinningshitaround.Ipulluptothebackofthevenue,andIcanseethattheparkinglotisfullofcars.ImakemywayawayfromthecarsasIheadtowardthekitchenarea.
“Icalledahead,”MikaelasaysonceIparkthetruck.Thebackdooropenswherethekitchenis,andMallorycomesout.She’swearingherblackpantswithawhiteshirtandablackjacket.Mikaelajumpsoutofthetruck,givingmeasecondtogetmyheadtogether,buttobehonest,nothingcanpreparemeforthis.Nothing.Justthethoughtofbeingherehasmeallshaky.
Itakeadeepbreathbeforejumpingoutofthetruckandgoingovertothevan.“Goodnews,”Mallorysays,comingdownthestairstowardthevan.“Wearerunningabitbehindschedule,”IhearhersayingtoMikaela.Myhead’sspinningatthisnews.Nowthatit’srunningbehindschedule,doesthatmeanI’llhaveabetterchanceofseeingher?
“Thankyou,Jesus,”Mikaelabreathesout,lookingatmeassheopensthebackofthevan.“DoyouwanttogoinandstartpreparingstuffwhileIunloadandbringthingsin?”
“No.”Ishakemyhead.“I’monlyhelpingsetup.Youshouldgetintothegroove,”Ireply,avoidingeveryone’seyes.
MallorytakesthetraythatMikaelahandsherbeforethetwoofthemrushinside.Iunloadthevanwithmyheaddownthewholetime.Iwalkintothekitchen,hopingIdon’tseehersisters,justincasetheyknowthatIfuckedtheirsisterover.
“Idon’tknowwhat’sgoingon,”IhearMallorysaywhileIbringinthesecondtrayandputitonthecounter.“Usually,theyareontimetothesecond.”Shelooksoveratthekitchendoor.“Ijusthopeshe’sokay,”shesaysunderherbreath,andjustthethoughtofhernotbeingokaymakesmystomachevenmoreupset.Ineedtogetthehelloutof
“Well,whateveritis,”Mikaelasays,puttingatraydownonthewoodencounter,“I’mthankful.”Shelooksupatme.“Itwouldgetmeuptospeedifyoustartdoingthegrilling.”Idon’tknowifsheisaskingmeortellingme.Iknowthatshe’sjustfreakingoutbecauseshe’sbehind.Ialsoknowshe’llgetitdoneregardlessofwhetherI’mhereornot.ButIknowthatifIleavenow,I’manasshole.IalsoknowthatifIstaylongerandriskthechanceofseeingClarabellainaweddingdress,itmightjustpushmeovertheedge.
“Sure,”Ireply,myheadtellingmethisisabadidea.IwalkovertothesinktowashmyhandsbeforeIstartanything.IwalktothesidewhereIknowanapronishanging,slippingitovermyheadbeforeheadingovertothegrill.Iblockitallout,oratleastItryto.Istartthegrillandthenwalkovertotheveggiestograbthem.Buteverysingletimethedooropensandsomeoneelsecomesin,myheadwhipsaround.Prettysoon,I’mgoingtogivemyselfwhiplash.
“Don’tmessthingsup,”Mikaelawarnsassherushesaround,tryingtogeteverythingsetup.Ihearpotsandpansstartsmashingtogetherassheputsherthingsonthestove.Thekitchenstartstofillupwithmoreandmorepeople.Ilookoverandseethewaitstaffwaitinginthecornerforthingstostart.Icanhearwhisperscomingfromeverydirection,butIdon’tpaythemanyattention.IfIstayinmylittlecorner,noonewilltakenoticeofme.Ialsostayinthecorner,hopingthatthisgoesfast.IfinishgrillingtheveggiesjustintimetoseeMallory,whocomesbackintothekitchenwithaworriedlookonherface.“Wearereallybehind.”Shelooksaroundnow,butIcantellfromherfaceshe’sabouttofreakout.Runningbehindataweddingcanhappen,butwhenitdoes,it’sasnowballeffect
“Iseverythingokay?”MikaelalooksatMalloryasshewipesherhandsonherapron.
“Wehavenoidea,”Mallorysays.“Theyaren’ttellingusanything.Hersistersjustcameinandsaidthattherewasadressemergency.”Shelooksaround.“IsthereanythingreadyIcantakeoutthere?”
“Givemefiveminutes,”Mikaelaresponds,goingtogettrayssetup.“I’mgoodtogo.”Mikaelalooksoveratme.“Icancatchupnowthatthingsareabitbehind.”ShelooksoveratMallory,whoisnowtalkingtothewaitstaffastheygetreadytogoandofferdrinkstotheguests.
“Yousure?”Iask,eventhoughmyheadtellsmetorun.Shenodsherheadatmeasshepreparesacoupleoftrays.“Okay,”Isay,walkingbacktothesideandtakingoffmyapron.Iwalktowashmyhands.“I’llseeyousometimenextweek.”
Mikaelasmirksatme.“Havefun.”
Ilaugh.“I’mplanningonhavingaball,”IthrowbackbutthenjustturnaroundknowingthatassoonasIparkmytruck,I’mhavingadrinkinthetruck.Ilookaround,seeingpeoplescrambling,andjustturntowalkout.“Callmeifyouneedanything,”Isay,eventhoughIknowIwon’thaveservice,andIcanhearherlaughoutloudasIwalkoutofthekitchen.“Almostthere.”
Iopenthetruckdoorandstopwhenthesidedooropens,andIseeher.Everythingstops.AndImeaneverything.Myheart,mybreathing,timestopswhenItakeonelookather.Iknewshewouldbebeautiful,andIknewthatshewouldtakemybreathaway,butwhateverIimagineddoesn’tcomeclosetohowsheactuallylooks.Herheadisdown,andIseeherhairfallingintoherfacefromoneside,andwhenshelooksattheotherside,Iseethesparkle.Hershouldersarebareandjustbegtobekissed.Sheholdstherightsideofherdressasshewalksforward.Whiletheotherhandwipesawaywhatlookslikeatear.Isshecryingbecauseofherdressemergency?Hereyeslookupandlandonmine.“Ofcourse.”Shethrowsupherhandintheairandshakesherhead.“Ofcourse,outofeverysinglepersonthatIcouldruninto.”Shepicksupherdressagainandstartstowalktowardme,myeyesdoaonce-over,andIseethatherdressfitsherlikeaglove.
“Areyouokay?”Iaskassoonasshegetscloseenoughtome,andIseethetearsinhereyes.Myhandsitchtoleanupandwipeatearawayfromhereye,butinstead,Iputtheminmybackpocketswherethey’llbesafer.
“IwillbeassoonasIcangetoutofhere,”shesays,lookingaround,andI’mwonderingifshe’swaitingforherhusbandtocomeandgether.“Ineedtogetoutofhere.”Herlowerlipquivers.“Likenow.”AllIcandoisopenthepassengerdoorforher.Hereyesfillwithtears,andIhavenoideawhattosay.None.
Instead,IlookatherandputonearmaroundherwaistwhileIpickherupandputtheotherunderherlegs.“OhmyGod,”shehuffswhenIturnheraroundandplaceherinthetruck.“Whatthehell?”shesaysonceIletgoofher.
“Ifigureditwaseasierthanyoutryingtojumpupintothetruck,”Iexplain,makingsureallthedressisinthecabofthetruckbeforeslammingthedoor.Iwalkovertothedriver’sside,gettinginandturningtolookather.“Areyousureaboutthis?”
“Ineedtogetthefuckoutofhere.”Shelooksatmeandthenlooksoveratthedoorwhereshewalkedoutoflessthantwominutesago.Thenturnstolookbackatme.“Ineedtogetawayfromhere.Far,farawayfromhere.”
“Iknowjusttheplace.”Iputthetruckindriveandstartmovingawayfromthevenue.“Doyouwanttotellmewhat’sgoingon?”Iaskaswepulloutoftheparkinglot.Ilookintherearviewmirrortoseeifmaybethegroomisgoingtocomeflyingoutthedoorrunningafterthetruck.Butthedoorsstayclosed,andnotevenashadowappearsinthewindow.
“No,”shesays,lookingoutthewindowandtryingtowipeawayhertears.Ileanoverher,andshegoesstiffasIopenthegloveboxandhandherthetissuebox.“Thanks,”shemumbles,grabbingtheboxfromme.Sheputstheboxonherlapasshetakesatissueoutanddabsthecornerofhereyes.“Isn’tthispoetic?”shesaysandlooksatme.
Idon’tsayanythingtoher.Ican’tsayanythingtoherbecausethelumpinmythroatissobigitfeelslikeaboulder.Herblueeyesareevenclearerwhenshecries,andallIwanttodoisholdherandtellherthatit’sokay.“Thatofallpeopleintheworldformetobumpintoontheworstdayofmylife,itwouldbeyou.”Shelaughsasshedabshereyesagain.“Imean,seriously,why?”Sheturnstolookatme,andthewaysheisbreathing,myeyesgotothemiddleofherchestthatIdidn’tevennoticewasbare.“Why,outofeveryoneinthewholeuniverse,orIdon’tknow,fourhundredmillionpeople,wereyoutheonlyonethere?”Herhandsflyup.“How?Why?”
“Well,Iwasn’twaitingforyoutocomeoutthatdoorifthatiswhatyouwereasking.”Thosearetheonlywordsthatcomeoutofme.
“Okay,”shesays,soundinglikeshedoesn’tbelieveawordofit.
“IwasheadedoutoftownwhenMikaela’svandiedonthesideoftheroad,”Ishare.“AndthenIstayedtohelpheroutsoshewouldn’tfallbehind.”
“Youwereleavingtown?”Sheraiseshereyebrowsatme.“Isn’tthatashockingdevelopment?”
“Doyouwantmetodropyouoffatyourhouse?”Idon’tbotherlookingather.
“Wherewereyougoing?”sheasksme,andIjustside-eyeher.
“Iwasgoingtomycabininthewoods,”Ireply,slowingdownandwaitingforhertotellmewhereshewantstogo.
“Howfaristhiscabin?”sheasks.
“Abouttwohours,giveortake,”Ianswer,andshejustnodsherhead.
“Thatsoundsgoodtome,”shesays,andnowI’mtheonewhogasps.
“Youwanttocomewithme?”Ilookoveratherassheavoidslookingatme,hereyesontheroadinfrontofher.
“Ihavetwochoicesatthispoint.”Shewipeshereyes,turningtolookatme.“Icanstayhereanddealwiththatsituation,whichisthelastthingIwanttodo,bytheway.”Shepointsbehindherwithherthumbs.“Ortakeofffarawayfromherewithyou,whichisthesecondtolastthingIwanttodo,forabitandwaitforthedusttosettle.SoIhavenootheroptions.Goingwithyouisthelesseroftwoevils.”Idon’tsayanythingtoher.Instead,Ijustputmyfootonthegasanddriveherandmyselfoutoftown,knowingfullwellthatI’minwayovermyhead.Chapter14
Clarabella
“Youwanttocomewithme?”Histonegoesevenhigherwhenhelooksatme,andIavoidlookingoverathim.Myeyesfocusontheroadeventhoughthetearsmakemyvisionblurry.
“Ihavetwochoicesatthispoint.”Iwipethecornerofmyeyewiththetissue,turningtolookathim.“Icanstayhereanddealwiththatsituation,whichisthelastthingIwanttodo,bytheway.”Pointingbehindme,IknowifIwouldgobackthere,peoplewouldseemebreak.“Ortakeofffarawayfromherewithyou,whichisthesecondtolastthingIwanttodo,forabitandwaitforthedusttosettle.SoIhavenootheroptions.Goingwithyouisthelesseroftwoevils.”Iturnawayfromhimandlookattheroad,dabbingmyeyes.Thepainandsadnessarestartingtobuild,butIdon’tthinktheangerwillmakeitcomeup.
I’mangry.I’msofuckingangrythatheliedtome,andIwasafool.Ishakemyheadasthetearscome.Myphonebuzzesinmyhand,andIlookdowntoseethatthenotificationsaregoingupbythesecond.IwalkedoutofthebridalsuitethinkingthatIjustneededasecondtothink,knowingthatinfiveminutes,Iwouldhavetotellmyfamilythattheweddingwasoff.KnowingthatthereweregoingtobeamillionandonequestionsthatIwouldhavetoanswer.Knowingthatattheendoftheday,Iwouldstandthere,andpeoplewouldlookatmewithpityintheireyes.Thewhisperswouldstartandthenevensomefinger-pointing,andtobehonest,Ijustneededaminutetothink.
ThenIlookedup,andhewasthere,eventhoughthelastpersononearthIwantedtoseewasLuke.Standingtherejustlookingatmelikehewaswaitingforthedoorstoopen.Iputmyheadbackontheseatandclosemyeyes,ifonlyforaminute.WhilethephonegoesnutsinmylapandIknowthatIhavetoanswerthem.Theymustbeworriedsicklookingforme.“Dotheyknowyouleft?”IhearLukeaskfrombesideme,andwithmyeyesfocusedontheroad,allIdoisshakemyhead.“Doyouwantmetocallandjustletthemknowyou’resafe?”
“It’snotyourconcern,”Iscoff,myheartspeedingupinmychest.Iswearthisdressisgettingtighterandtighterasthedrivegoeson.
“Myconcernisthatyou’resittinginmytruck,andtheycancallthecopsandsayIkidnappedyou.”Myheadwhipstohim,andIseehimsmirk.
“Don’tflatteryourself,”Isay,andallhedoesisrollhislips.Ipickupthephone,seeingtherednotificationbesidethetextbubble.
Openingitup,Itakeabigdeepbreathbeforeclickingonthetopmessagethatisafamilygroupchat.
Shelby:WelostClarabella!!!
Presley:WhatdoyoumeanwelostClarabella?
Travis:Definelost?
Shelby:Iwentbacktocheckonher,andshe’sgone.Vanished.
Presley:She’swearingaten-pounddress.Howfarcouldshehavegone?Shehastobesomewhere.
Travis:I’llcheckthebararea.
Shelby:Sheisn’tthere.
Travis:Well,sheisn’tinthechapel.
Presley:WhereisEdward?
Shelby:Noidea.
Travis:Youguysleftheralonewithhim.WHATTHEHELLWEREYOUTHINKING?
Shelby:NOTNOW,TRAVIS!
Travis:Doesthephraseaccessorytomurdermeananythingtoyou?
Presley:Idonotlookgoodinorange.
Presley:Canyouimaginemeinjail?I’mgoingtobesomeone’sbitch
Shelby:Getoveryourselfforaminuteandfocus.
Travis:Youguyshadonejob.ONE.
Shelby:HowdoIremovesomeonefromthischat?
Me:I’mfine.Ileft,andhewasalive.
Thephoneringsinmyhand,andIseeit’sShelby,butIpressdecline.
Shelby:Didyouseriouslyjustfuckingdeclineme?Well,ifthatdoesn’tscreamfuckoff,Idon’tknowwhatdoes.
Me:Ineedsometimetothink.
Presley:Youhavetwohundredpeoplewaitingforyoutowalkdowntheaisle.
Me:Theweddingisoff.
Travis:Shocker.
Me:Canyouhandleit?
Shelby:Whatchoicedowehave?
Travis:I’mnottellingMom.
Presley:Areyouokay?
Travis:I’mfine.I’mjustnottellingMom.
Presley:Iwasn’taskingyou,idiot.IwasaskingClarabella!
Me:I’mtheleastbitfine,butI’llbeokay.FYI,WEHATEHIM,ANDHE’SAFUCKINGLIAR!
Travis:It’slikethefamilyiscursedforweddings.Presley,I’mnotcomingtoyourfirstwedding.
Presley:ASIFAFTERWATCHINGTHETRAINWRECKOFMYFAMILYTRYINGTOGETMARRIED,IWOULDEVENATTEMPTIT!FUCKTHATSHIT.SINGLEWOLFFORLIFE.
Travis:Youreallythinkyouarewolfstatus?
Shelby:Meetinginthebridalsuitenow.
Presley:Shit,Edwardjustwalkedintothechapelandtoldeveryonetheweddingisoff.
Travis:Well,thegoodnews,he’salive.Badnews,IthinkIhearMomscreaming.
Iputmyphonedownandputmyheadback.“Doyouwanttotellmewhathappened?”
Ilookoverathim.“Ineedadrink,”Itellthetruth.“Notjustasmallshot,likethewholebottle.”
“Idon’tthinkIhaveanywhitewinewithme.”Hesmirksatme,andIwanttothroatpunchhim,butinstead,Ifliphimthebirdandturntolookoutthewindow,thesoundofhimlaughingirritatingme.ThelastthingIneedisforhimtopulloveranddumpmeinthemiddleofnowhere.Myheadspinsaroundandaroundasthetreespassbyfasterandfasterwhilethephonevibratesinmylap.
Presley:Well,thatwasfun.
Shelby:Ifthatwasfun,Iwouldhatetoknowwhatyoufindisreallyfun.
Me:Howdiditgo?
Travis:Momfreakedout.
Me:Issheokay?
Travis:Shewillbeokay.Harlowiswithher,andIsawhertakeashotofsomesweettea.
Shelby:FYI,hecalledyouarunawaybride.
Me:Well,onceapencildick,alwaysapencildick.
Travis:Ijustthrewupinmymouth.
Presley:Itcouldbeworse.PeoplewerecomparingyoutoJuliaRoberts.
Shelby:Iloveher.
Me:Couldbesomuchworse.WhathappenedwithMom?
Travis:Shewasinshock.Ihavetosay,afterthefirsttwo,Idon’tknowwhyshe’ssurprised.
Shelby:Edward’sparentstoldherthattheyaregoingtosueyouforemotionaldistress.
Me:WHATTHEACTUALFUCK?
Presley:Oh,wait,itgetsbetter.
Shelby:Momtoldthemtofuckoffandthattheyweren’tleavinguntiltheysettledtheirtab.
Me:WHAT?
Travis:Thenshelookedatmeandtoldmetotellthemtosuckmydicksinceshedidn’thaveone.
Presley:SHEISMYHERO.
Me:Issheokay?
Shelby:Yes.
Presley:Yes.
Travis:Absolutelynot.
Shelby:TRAVIS,WHATTHEFUCK?CANSOMEONEKICKHIMOUT?
Travis:Hey,youtrytalkingMomdownofftheledgeforthesecondtime.Doyouknowwhatshesaid?Shehastowearblackfortherestofherlifetosacrificeherselfforherdaughters.Sheevenmentionedahatandveil.
Presley:Itwasn’tthatbad.
Shelby:Ihearglasssmashing.
Travis:Oh,fuck,codeblack.
Me:Whatthehellisgoingon?Whatthehelliscodeblack?
Ilookdownatthephone,waitingtoseeiftheyanswer.Mybodyshakeswithnervesnow.Maybewalkingawaywasn’tthebestthingtodo.MaybeIshouldhavestayedandfacedthemusic.AtleasttoldthemthetruthastowhyIleftinsteadoftakingalltheshitthatwasgoingtocomemyway.
Me:Hello?
Presley:EdwardwantedtotalktoMomandexplainhimself.
Me:Whydidglassbreak?
Travis:HEHASACHILD??????WTF?WHYWOULDYOUNOTTELLMETHISDETAIL?
Shelby:Iwasbusy.
Presley:Itwasasecret.
Travis:HARLOWSTEPPEDINFRONTOFMOMANDUSEDHERPREGNANTBODYASASHEILD.
Presley:OHMYGOD,SHE’SPREGNANT?WHYDIDN’TYOUTELLUS?
Travis:Iwasbusy.Itwasasecret.
Shelby:Pettymuch?
Onlymyfamilywouldcomeinandmakethiswholethingaboutthem.ForgetthatIranawayfrommywedding.ForgetthatnowI’llprobablybelabeledastherunawaybride.Forgeteverythingexcepttheirdrama.Ilookdownatthephone,waitingtoseethethreedots.“Nottointerruptyou,”Lukesays,“butyouhaveabouttenminutesuntilyouloseservice.”
Ilookoverathim,confused.“Whatdoyoumean?”Ilookdownatmyphoneandseethethreebarsatthetopgodowntotwo.
“It’sasecludedcabin,”heexplains,andstill,it’slikehe’stalkingadifferentlanguage.Iliterallydon’tgetwhathe’stryingtosay.
“ThereisnoWi-Fi?”Iask,shocked.“Howcanthatbe?Therearesignalseverywhere.”Ilookaroundatthedensenessofthetrees.Thesunhasgonedown,andtheonlylightsaretheheadlights.
“Theonlythingthecabinhasisrunningwaterandelectricity,”heinformsme.
“IsthisTheHungerGames?”Iask,lookingdownatmyphone,seeingthatthetwobarshavegonedowntoone.“Fuck,”IswearandjustdialShelby.
“Oh,nowshecalls,”shesays,answeringthephoneafteronering.
“Listen,Idon’thavealotoftimetotalk,”Istarttosay.“Apparently,thereisnosignalwhereI’mgoing.”
“OhmyGod.It’sSquidGame,”shesays,andIclosemyeyesandputmyhandtomyhead.“Wherethehellareyouevengoing?”sheasks,andIlookoveratLuke.
“Wherearewegoing?”
“Whoareyouwith?”ShelbyasksmeassoonasIfinishaskingLukethequestion.“Whatcoloristhebrownbear?”sheasksme,andIlaugh.Itwasasecretcodethatwehadwhenwewereyoungerincasewewereeverintrouble.
“Purple,”Ireply,laughing.“I’mwithLuke.”
“Um,excuseme,”shesays.“I’msorry.YoureallyareinabadpartoftownifIjustheardyousayyouarewithLuke.”
Iturnmyhead,notwantinghimtohearmyconversation,butI’minthemiddleofnowhereinhistruckwherenomusicisplaying.“Iwalkedoutofthedoor,andhewasstandingthere.”
“Notwaitingforher!”heshoutsfromhissideofthetruck,andIturnandglareathim.
“I’mhavingaprivateconversation,”Igrumblebetweenclenchedteeth.
“Youaren’tevenwhispering,”hesays.“Youhavetwominutes,”hepointsoutaswegetoffatadirtroad.
“I’msharingmylocationwithyourightnow,”ItellShelby.“Howbadisit?”
“Onascaleofonetoten,”shesays.“Itrangedaboutfifteen.”
Iclosemyeyes.“Howcanthisbeafifteenwhenyouwalkeddowntheaisleandlefthimthere?”
“Iwalkeddowntheaisle.”Shelaughs.“Youran.”
“Ididn’trun.Ineededabreak.I’mgoingtocallyouassoonasIgetasignal,”Isay,andthenthecalldrops.IlookoveratLuke.“Ididn’tevensharemylocationwithher!”
“Iwarnedyou,”heremindsmeasheturnsdownanotherroad.
Thisoneisdefinitelydeserted,andwebounceupanddownashemakeshiswaydowntheroadtothelittlehousethatsitsinpitchblack.Thelightsfromthecarlightitup.“Isthisit?”Iask,notsurewhatelsetosay.
“Welcometomycabin,Clarabella,”hesayssoftly,gettingoutofthetruckandleavingmewithmythoughtsforonesecondbeforehewalksoverandopensthedoorforme.Heholdsouthishandforme.“Letmehelpyou.”Hiswordsmakemywholebodyshiver.Idon’tmoveamuscleashelooksatme.“Iwon’tbite,”hesays,smirkingatme.“Atleastnotunlessyouwantmeto.”Chapter15
Luke
Sherollshereyes.“Simmerdownthere,cowboy.”Shefinallyputsherhandinminewhileshedealswiththebottomofherdress.“Ican’tseemyfeet,”shetellsme,andIlookather.
Iletgoofherhandandmoveintoscoopherout.“OhmyGod,”shehuffs,puttingherhandtoherchestasIturntowalktothecabin.“Ifyoucarrymeintoyourcabin,I’mgoingtostabyouinyoursleep,”shewarnsme,andIcan’thelpbutlaugh.Sheistheonlywomanwhoturnshotandcoldinamatterofseconds.Sheisalsotheonlywomanwhocanmakemewanttoripthehairoutofmyhead.Iturnaround,andallIcandoistalkcalmlytoher.
“Iwouldn’tthinkofit,”IsayasIwalkupthefivestepstothefrontdoor.“I’mgoingtoputyoudown.”Igentlyputheronherfeetbeforestandingupandfishingthekeysoutofmyjeanspocket.Iunlockthedoorbeforewalkinginandturningontheonelightthatlightsupthewholeplace.“I’mgoingtogoandmakesuretherearen’tanyguestsaround.”ThelivingroomtotheleftsideofmehasanL-shapedcouchfacingthefireplace.Itleadstothekitchenarea.IspentthemostmoneyinthekitchensinceIgotmostofmyinspirationfromthere.
Shelooksatmewithwideeyes.“Whatdoesthatevenmean?”
“Theremayhavebeenonce.”Iholdupafinger.“Iforgottoclosethedoor,andwell,afamilyofraccoonsdecidedthattheywouldlivehere.”
“OhmyGod.”Sheputsherhandstohermouth.“ItislikeTheHungerGames.”Shelooksaroundassoundsstarttocomeoutoftheforest.Thesoundofleavesrustlinghasherwalkingintothehousewithme.
“It’sfine.It’sjustasquirrel,”Ijoke,andIcanseehergrittingherteeth.
“Ineedadrink,”shesays,lookingaroundbutnotmovingfromherspot.“Maybemorethanadrink.Ineedseveral,”sheadds.“Bottlesofdrinks.”
“Okay,letmecheck,andthenI’llgettheboozefromthetruck,”Iwalktowardthekitchenandopenthecupboardsunderthesink,seeingthatnooneisthere.Thecabinisn’tmuch,butit’ssomeplacethatIcantakeofftoandtotallyleavetheoutsideworldbehind.
“Ithinkwe’regood.”
“Youthink?”shequestions,lookingaround.“Thatsoundsgreat.”Shethrowsherhandsupintheair.“Imean,what’stheworstthancanhappentome?”
“Rabies,”Ideadpan,puttingmyhandsonmyhipsandtryingnottolaughather.Evenaftercryinghalfthetimeinmytruck,shestilllooksbeautiful.
“Gogetthebooze,Luke,”sheorderswithherteethclenchedtogetherashereyesdartaroundtheroomtoseeifthereareanymovements.
“Don’trunoff,”Ijokeandthenrollmylipsaftersheglaresatme.“Toosoon?”
“Idon’tseebooze,Luke?”Sheputsherhandsonherhipsandthentucksherhairbehindherear.“Andasthesecondsgoby,Ibecomemoreandmoreunhinged.”
“Dulynoted,”Isay,turningandwalkingoutofthecabin,goingtothetruck.IgrabmybackpackwiththefoodbagandthenthethreebottlesofscotchIthoughtIwasgoingtodrinkthewholeweekendbymyself.
WhenIwalkintothecabin,shesitsononeofthestoolsagainstthekitchenisland.Withherdressallaroundher,shelookslikeaprincess.Shelooksatme,andIseethatshehasawoodenspooninherhand.“What’swiththeweapon?”Iask,liftingmychintowardher.
“Iftherewasaraccoon,Iwasgoingtohititwiththis.”Sheholdsupthespoon.“RightbeforeIkickitwiththeheelonmyshoe.”
“Yourbrotherisavet.”Ilaugh,walkingintothekitchenandputtingthefoodandboozeonthecounter.ThenIwalktothebedroomandthrowthebagonthebed.
“Ifit’smeortheraccoon.”Shepointsthespoontoherchest.“Iwineachandeverysingletime.”
Sheleansoverthecounter,grabbingoneofthebottlesofscotch.“Doyouwantaglass?”Iaskassheunscrewsthetopandbringsthebottletoherlips.
“Nope,”shereplies,rightbeforeshetakesabiggulpandcloseshereyesandtriesnottocough.
Iwalkintothekitchenandleanonthecounter,facingherasshetakesanothergulp.“Whatareyoulookingat?”
Atthemostbeautifulwomanintheworld,butIknowthatshe’lltellmetofuckoffasfastasthewordsleavemymouth.“Ithoughtyougaveupscotch.”ThosearetheonlywordsIcancomeupwith.
“Thingschange,”sheanswers,takinganotherpullofthescotch,andthistime,shecloseshereyeswhensheputsdownthebottleinfrontofher.
“Apparently,theydo,”Iagree,crossingmyarmsovermychest.
“Ibetyou’rewonderingwhatI’mdoinghere,”shesays,laughingasshepicksupthebottleandtakesanothergulp,thenwipeshermouthwiththebackofherhand.“Especiallyinaweddingdressonmynon-weddingday.”
“Iwaswondering,butIwasalsowonderinghowyoucanwalkoutofthatbuildingwithnoonechasingyou.”
“Well,”shestarts.“Igotdressed,andwell,Iwasabitnervous.”Shetakesanothershotofthescotch,andIdon’tinterrupther.Myheartstartstospeedupfasterforher,andmystomachsinks,knowingthatwhateverpissedherofforhappenedmadeherenduprunningawayfromherownwedding.“Iaskedmysisterstogivemeacoupleofminutes.”Shelaughsasshelooksatthebottle,andhereyesfillwithtears,makingmyguttwist.“Therewasaknockonthedoor,andwell.”Shelooksatme,andatearescapeshereyes.“Youknowinthemovies,whenyouyell,don’topenthedoor?”sheasksmeandlaughsthroughhertears.Butwhensheliftsherhandtowipethetearaway,Iseeherhandshaking.“Well,Ishouldnothaveansweredthedoor.”
“Youdon’thavetocontinue,”Isay,notneedingtoknowtherest.Justseeingherlikethis,relivingit,makesmewanttothrowsomethingagainstthewall
“Youdeserveit,”shesays.“NeverthoughtIwouldsaythosewords.”Shetakesashotofthescotch.“Awomanwasstandingthere.Shewasbeautiful,andshewasholdingababyinherarms.”Istandupstraight,myheartbeatingsofastIthinkit’sgoingtocomeoutofmychest.“Yeah,youguessedit,”shecontinues,pointingatmeasthetearsrundownherfacelikeastreamgoingdownriver.“HernameisLouise.”Iswallow,andIcan’tevenfathomwhatshefelt.“AndhersonisnamedEdward.”Shetiltsherheadtotheside.“Iguessyoucansayhe’sajunior.ButI’mnotsurehowitworks.”
“Hehasachild?”Iask,myvoicesolowI’msurprisedsheheardit.
“Hedoes,”sheadmitstome.“Theyweretogetherforfouryears.”
“Didyouknow?”Iask,andshejustlooksatme.“Notaboutthebabybutabouther.”
“No.”Sheshakesherhead.“WhenIconfrontedhimaboutit,hesaidhewaswaitingfortheDNAresults.”
“Asshole.”Ishakemyhead.“Listen,myparentsarefarfrombeingparentsoftheyear,”Ioffer,andforthefirsttimeever,Italkaboutmyparents.“Theyreallydidn’tgivememuch.Notsuretheyevenlovedeachother,buttheystayedwitheachother.Idon’tknowiftheydidthatbecausetheywantedtoorneitherofthemhadsomethingbetter.ButatleasttheyacknowledgedthatIwastheirkid.Imean,theysuckedatit.”Ilookatherandseethathertearshavestopped.
“Idon’tthinkI’veeverheardyoutalkaboutyourparents,”shesays.“Like,notevenincollege.”
“Nothingtotalkabout.TheygavemearoofuntilIwassixteen,thenIhadtopaymywayanddecidedthatitwascheaperlivingwithotherpeople,”Iadmittoherandonlyher.
“Whenwasthelasttimeyousawthem?”sheasks,andtheonlyreasonI’mstilltalkingaboutthisisbecauseshestoppedcrying.Thatistheonlyreason.
“Maybesevenyearsago.Notsure.”
“Wow,”sheresponds,lookingdownatherhands.“Ican’timaginegoingadaywithouttalkingtomymom,nomatterhowcrazyshemakesme.”Shelooksatme.“Anyway,Itoldhimhewasaliarandthattheweddingwasoff.”Sheleansback.“Grabbedmyphoneandthenwalkedoutofthedoor.Hetriedtocallmyname,butIturnedaroundandsaidifhecalledmynameonemoretime,Iwouldgoandtellhisparentstheyweregrandparents.”Shepicksupthebottle,bringingittoherlips.Shesmilesrightbeforetakinganothersip,andIwaswrongbefore.Hererightnow,sittingattheislandofmycabininthemiddleofnowherewithherfacestreakedwithtearsandredeyes,shelooksmorebeautifulthanshehaseverlookedbefore.“AndthenIbecamearunawaybride.”Chapter16
Clarabella
ItakeonemoreswigofthebottlebeforeputtingitdownandlookingatLukestraightinhiseyes.Ilaughoutloud.“Ofallpeopletorescueme,ithadtobeyou.”Thisistheuniversekickingmeinthevaginawithoutevenbattinganeye.
Helaughs.“Ididn’tcometorescueyou.”Hestandsandwalksovertothebag,takingthefoodoutofit.“IwastheretohelpMikaela.”
“Well,youwerethereattherighttimeandplace,then,”Isay,lookingaround.“Imean,atthispoint,thatshouldhavebeenasign.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”heasks,andIlaugh.
Myhandspinsthebottleinit.“Well,forTravis’swedding,thereweresignsthatitwasdoomed.”Ilaugh.“One,thefireinthekitchen.”Iholdupafinger.“Two,thewrongflowerscoming.”Iputuponemorefinger.“Three,thebridebeingrushedtothehospital.”
“Threestrikesandyou’reout,Iguess,”hesays,puttingonehandonthecounterbesidehim.
“ThenwithShelby,thegroomwaslate.”Iholdupafinger.“Then,well,Ithinkthatwastheonlysign,butImean,itwasahugeonebeforeshegotaloveletterthatwasforsomeoneelse.”
“ButsheendedupwithAce,”Lukepointsout,“whichwasalwaystheobviouschoice.”
“Ineverthoughtofitlikethat.Imean,Iknewtheywerebestfriends,butIdon’tthinkIeversawthemaslobsters.”
“Oh,herewego.”Helaughs,shakinghisheadandputtinghishandonhisforehead.“TheminuteyousawthatepisodeofFriends.”
Ican’thelpbutclapmyhandsandlaugh,pickingupmyfingersandtryingtogetitlikePhoebe,butwiththescotchIdrank,itdoesn’tworkoutthatway.“She’shislobster.”
“Youkeptsayingthatforawholemonth,”heremindsme,andI’mwonderingwhyheevenrememberssinceitseemslikealifetimeago.
“It’spoetic,”Idefend.“Amasterpiece.”
“Oh,God.”Heshakeshishead.“Amasterpiece,really?”
“Anyway.”Iignorehim.“ThereweresignsthatEdwardwasn’ttheoneforme.”
“Likewhat?”heasks,andIjustlookathim.
“Um,one.”Iholdupmyhand.“Iwasabunchofnerves.”
“Ithinkeveryonewhogetsmarriedhassomesortofnerves.”Helooksatme,andIjusttiltmyheadtotheside,waitingforhimtofinishwhathestarted.“It’sabigcommitment.”
Ichuckle.“Thatitis.”Ibringthebottletomylips,takingasip.“Somewouldsayit’sforever.”
“Exactly.”Hetakesadeepbreath.“Foreverisalongtime,andyouhavetobeonehundredpercentsureoftheperson.”He’sgotapointthere,asIbringthebottlebacktomylipsjusttokeepfromsayingsomethingthatI’llregret.AllIcandoislookathisface.HisscruffisabitlongerthanitwasthelasttimeIsawhim.I’mgoingtobereallyhonest.I’veavoidedgoingoutsinceIknewhewasback.Iwouldgotoworkandthengohome.Ineverventuredout,makingtheexcusesthatIwasbusy,butthetruthwasIdidn’twanttorunintohim.Hisblueeyesalmostlookgreeninthislight.Icouldgetlostinthem.Theminutethethoughtrunsintomyhead,IlookdownatthebottleandthinkmaybeIshouldstopdrinkingnow.
“Well,whateveritwas,thewomanshowingupwithhischildwasallIneededtosee.Thefactthathekeptachildfromme.Hisfleshandblood.”Thereisnoexcuse,none,notonethatwouldmakeitokay.“Byanychance…”Ilookdownatmyweddingdress.“Doyouhaveachangeofclothes?”
HeturnsandwalksintotheroomthatI’massumingisthebedroom,comingbackwiththebackpackthatlooksempty.“IhaveT-shirtsandapairofboxers.”
Ilookathimwithmymouthopen.“HowdoyougoawayfortheweekendandpackjustT-shirts?”
Helaughsatme.“Iwasplanningongettingtrashedallweekendlong.Iwasgoingtochangemyshirtandboxers,”hesays,andtheminutehesaysboxers,thememoryofmetakinghisoffcomestome,butjustlikealltheothertimes,Ipushitaway.
“Don’tyouleaveclotheshereforthenexttime?”Iask,stilltryingtowrapmyheadaroundthefactthathewentawayfortheweekendwithnoclothes.
“Notreally.IbringwhatIneed.”Heshrugsandtriesnottolaughwhilehelooksatmyface.
“IguessIhavenochoice,”Isay,gettingoffthestoolandwobblingbackandforth.MyhandholdstheislandsoIdon’tfall.“Donotdrinkandthenstandsuddenly.”Ilaughatmyowninsidejoke.“CanyouimagineifIfellandbustedmyface?Nowthatwouldbefunny.”
Heshakeshishead.“Thatwouldnotbefunnyatall.”Hehandsmethebagandputshishandonmyelbow.“Especiallysincetheclosesthospitalisanhourfromhere.”
“Whatareyoudoing?”Iaskashestartstowalkwithme.
“I’mhelpingyoutothebedroomsoyoucanchange,”hereplies,andIgasp.
“Youwanttoseemenaked?”Iturntoseehisfaceandthesmirkcomesout.Iwanttohateit,butlet’sbereal;thereisnothingIhateaboutLuke.Imean,I’msureoncemyheadisn’tcloudythewayitisrightnow,Iwillcomeupwiththingstohateabouthim.Likehavingthebestsexofmylifeandthenleavingme.Yeah,hatethatabouthim.
“I’mwalkingyoutothebedroomandclosingthedoorwithmeontheoutsideofit,”hemumbles,avoidinglookingatme.MaybeIwastheonlyonewhohadthebestsexoftheirlifethatnight.God,maybeIwasn’tasgoodasIthoughtIwas.Maybeitwasn’tevengood,andI’mimaginingitwas.
“Whatever,”Isay,turningtowalkintotheroomandstoppingwhenIcan’tseeanything.Ireachout,flippingtheswitch,butwhenthelightturnson,it’sverydim.TheroomhasasoftyellowglowasIlookaround,seeingjustaking-sizedbedintheroomandnothingelse.
“Callmeifyouneedme,”hesays,thenclosesthedoor,leavingmebymyself.
IkickthebottomofmydressasIwalktowardthebedandsitdownforasecond.Myhandcomesouttotaketheheadpieceoutofmyhair.MyfingerstracethejewelsasIthinkbacktofiveminutesagowhenItoldhimmystory.Ididn’tknowifIwouldbeabletodoit.
IknowthatwhenIgetbacktoreality,I’mgoingtohavetositdownwithmymotherandexplaineverything.RegardlessifshehearsthestoryfromEdwardormysisters,shedeservestohavethewholestory,andshedeservestohearitfromme.
Repeatingthestoryagain,Iwaswonderingifthepainwouldhurtless.Butthepainwasjustanger.AngrythatIgotplayed.AngrythatIdidn’tseeitrightinfrontofmyeyes.AngrythatIletithappen.AngrythatIfellforallthefuckingcharmhedishedout.AngrythatIknewIshouldhavetakenmytimeandnotrushedintoit.
Iputtheheadpiecedown,thenstandtotakethedressoff.Ilookoverandtrytogettothebuttons,butmyfingerskeepslipping.“Great,”Imumbleandwalktothedoor,pullingitopen.He’sstandingwithhisarmsstretchedandhandsproppedontheisland.Hisheadhangsdown,andthebottleofscotchsitsinfrontofhim.
HisheadmovesupwhenIclearmythroat.“Youhavetounbuttonme.”
“Um,”hestutters,notsurewhattosay
“I’vetried,butIcan’treachthem.”Iturn,showinghimthatIcan’tgettothem.Idon’twaitforhimtocometome.Instead,IkickoffmyshoesandpickupthebottomofthedresswithbothhandsasIwalktohim.OnceIgetbesidehim,Iturnandwaitforhimtounbuttonme.
“Don’tworry,”Isayovermyshoulder.“Iwon’tbite.”IrollmylipsasIfeelhishandstouchthefirstbutton.“Unlessyouwantmeto.”
Hegroans,andIcan’thelpbutthrowbackmyheadandlaugh.MybodyshiverswhenIfeelhisfingersagainstmyback.Iclosemyeyesandcounttotentotrytodistractmyselffromhistouch.“Ineedadrink,”hesays.
“Youcan’t.I’mtheonlyonewhoisdrinkingtonight,”IinformhimandholdthedresstothefrontofmychestwhenIfeelitstarttoslipdown.
“Whyisthat?”heasks,andIcanseehiseyesareconcentratedonthebuttons
“BecauseI’mtherunawaybride.”Igiggle.“IwonderifIamgoingtohavetoaddthattomybusinesscard.”
“Youarealldone,”heannounces,turningandwalkingasfastashecanawayfromme.
IholdthedresstomychestasIwalkbacktothebedroom.Icanfeelhiseyesonme,butIavoidlookingbackathim.
AssoonasIclosethedoortothebedroom,mybackfallsagainstit,andIshimmymyhipssothedressfallsstraightdown.Istepoutofit,anditstillkeepsitsshapeanddoesn’tfallover.Itakeasecondtopickupmydressandputitinthecorner.It’snotlikeI’mgoingtobewearingitanytimesoon.Igiggle,openingthebackpackasIstandhereinthemiddleoftheroomwithmybarelytherewhitethongon.Hissmellhitsmerightaway,makingmystomachhavelittlebutterflies.“I’mjusthungry,”ImumbletomyselftomakeanexcuseforwhyI’mgettingallmyfeathersruffledbecauseofhim.It’sstupid.Hemadeitclearthatheisn’tinterestedinmelikethat.IpulloutoneofhisT-shirtsandoptfortheblackonesinceIdon’thaveabratowear.Eventhoughhe’sseenallthatIhavetooffer,Ishouldn’tjustflauntit.Slippingtheshirtovermyhead,Iseeitlandsjustinthemiddleofmythighs,andIdon’tevenbotherputtingtheboxerson.ItisonethingtowearhisT-shirtbutanothertoputonhisboxers.Thereisalinethatshouldn’tbecrossed,andthisisoneofthem.Chapter17
Luke
MyhandsshakeasIholdthebottleandtakeaswigofthescotch.IclosemyeyesasItrytosteadymybreathing,thesmellofherstillaroundme.Fuck,shesmellslikeheaven,thesmellofaripelemononasunnyday.AllIwantedtodowasleanintoherandsmellheronemoretime.
Theminutesheturnedandaskedmetounbuttonher,everythinginmybodycamealive.Myfingersworkedonebuttonafteranother,andwhenIfinallyunzippedher,Ilookedupandsawthatlittlefreckleonherback.ThesamefrecklethatIkissedwhenweweretogether.MyeyesgobacktothecloseddoorasIpicturehergettingoutofherdressandstandinginthemiddleofmybedroomalmostnaked.Mycockspringstoaction,andIbringthebottlebacktomylipstocalmmyselfdown.TheburninghitsthebackofmythroatrightawayasIswallowtheamberliquid.“ThisisnothowIplannedtospendthenight.”Ilookupattheceiling,tryingtotalkmyselfofftheledgewhenthedooropens,andIdon’tknowwhy,butIstandupstraight.
“That’sbetter,”shesays,walkingtowardmewearingjustmyblackT-shirt.Thewaysheswingsherhips,Iseetheshirtswayagainstherupperthighs.
“Thatismostdefinitelynotbetter,”Imumbletomyselfasshewalkstowardme,andIreallyhopesheiswearingboxersunderthatshirt.Herlonglegslooksensational,andallIcandoiswatchher.Shemakesherwaytothestoolandclimbsbackuponitagain,andI’mthankfulthattheislandiscoveringthefactthatI’msuretheshirthasrisen,givingmeanevenbetterviewofherlegs.
“Ididn’trealizehowheavythatdresswas.”Shelaughsasshesitsdown.
“Ishouldgo,”Isayatthesametimethatmyheadyellsthisisabad,badidea.Shelooksatme,confused.“I’mgoingtogoandcallyoursistersandtellthemwhereyouare.”Thepressureinmychestsuddenlymakesithardtobreatheasmybreathingnowcomesinpants.
“Why?”Shegetsuponthestool,leaningforward,andgrabbingthescotchfromme.
“Thereareabunchofreasons,”Ireply.Shebringsthebottletoherlips,andIdon’tknowwhybuttheyseemplumper.
“Whichare?”Sheputsthebottledownaftershefinishestakingasip.Ishouldbehappythatthegulpshavenowswitchedtosips.
“Awholebunchofreasons,”Irepeat,makingherlaugh.
“Soyousaid,yetyoucan’tcomeupwiththem.”Shetiltsherheadtotheside.EnjoyingthatI’mfumbling.
“Well,forone,youjustranawayfromyourwedding.”Itrytomakesurethatmywordsmakesense.
“Idon’tknowwhythatwouldmatterthatwearebothhere.”Shegrabsthebottleagainandsipsit.
“Andhereweare,thetwoofusarealone.”Istareatherasshetucksherhairbehindherear.“Aloneinacabin.Withnooneelse.Alone.”
“Idon’tthinkyousaidthewordaloneenough.”Sheshrugs.“Notabigdeal.What’syournextone?”Ijuststareathernow,allthewordsarelostfrommyvocabulary.“Yousaidthereareabunchofreasons,butyou’veonlygivenmeone.”
“Two,it’sabadidea.”MyheadspinsasIthinkofreasonsIshouldn’tstay.WhyIcan’tstay.Everysingletimeshetalkstome,mymindgoestomush.
“Right.”Shegiggles.“SofarwehavethatIwasgettingmarriedandit’sabadidea.”Sheholdsuptwofingers.
“Wearealoneinasecludedcabin.”Myheadstartstothrob.Ireachmyhandsout,puttingthemonthecounteroneachside.“Ijustdon’twantpeopletotalk.”
“Well,consideringIranfrommywedding.”Shecrossesherhandsinfrontofher.“Peoplearestilltalking.”
“ButIdon’twantthemtotalkaboutusbeinghere.”Thelookofhurtfillsherface,andIdon’tknowwhy.ThenithitsmethatmywordsmakeitsoundlikeIdon’twanttobeherewithher.“Idon’twantyoutohaveareputationbecauseofme.Someonecouldhavebeenoutsideandsawmecarryyoutomytruckandtakeoff.”Sherollsherlips.“WhatiftheythinkIkidnappedyou?”
“Relax,nooneisgrabbingtheirpitchforksandcomingtokillthebeast.”Sheclapsherhandstogether.“Getit?Beauty,whichisme.”Shepointsatherself.“AndtheBeast.”Shepointsatme.“Whichisyou.”
“Yeah,Igotit,”Isay,andIseriouslythinkI’mgoingtohaveapanicattack.“You’rehilarious.”
“It’soneofmymanytalents,”shesays,andImissthissideofher.Thesidewhereweusedtositdownandjusttalkafterwewouldtakecareofwhateverbusinessweweredealingwith.ThefunnyClarabellawhousedtojustshoottheshitwithmeandmakemelaugheverysingletimesheopenedhermouth.
“Oh,trustme,Iknow,”Irespond,nottellinghershehasothertalentsIlovedmore.“Butseriously.I’mgoingtoleaveandcallyoursistersandtellthemwhereyouare.”
“Ijustdon’tknowwhatthebigdealis.”Shegrabsthebottleandtakesasip
Iclosemyeyesasthethumpingofmyheadcomeson.“Arethereanyotherreasonsyoushouldn’tstayhere?”Shewaitsforme.“Youreallyshouldknowthatwhenyousayabunch,it’snottwo.Twoisacouple.”Sheholdsuphertwofingers.“Abunchismorethanfive.”
“Sayswho?”Iputmyhandsonmyhips.
“Google,”shesays,rollinghereyesandthentakinganothersip.
Iwanttoreachforthebottle,butIknowthatifI’mgoingtodrive,Ishouldn’ttouchanothersip.“Wesharedsomething,”Ifinallysayoutloud,andthefunnyClarabellaisgone,andinitsplaceistheClarabellayoudon’twanttofuckwith.Herwholedemeanorchanges,andallshedoesisglareatme.Idiot,myheadyellsatme.Atthesametime,Iwanttotellhertoforgetit,butnowthatit’soutthere,Ican’tputitbackinthebox.
“Didwe?”Shefoldsherarmsoverherchest,andIregretevensayingaword.“Youdon’tsay.”I’mabouttosaysomethingwhensheholdsupherhand.“Waitasecond.Ibelievewhatyousaidis‘thiswasamistake.’”Shelooksattheceiling.“Yeah,frommymemory,whichisfoggyrightnow,butI’mprettycertainyoulookedatmeandsaid‘thiswasamistake.’”
“Clarabella,”Isayhernamethroughclenchedteeth,butitdoesn’tseemsheisdonespeaking.
“Yes.”Shenodsherhead,puttingherfingertoherchinandtappingittopretendsheisthinking,butyouknowshedoesn’thavetothinkaboutthis.“Thatisexactlywhatyousaidtome.”Sheslamsthehandthatwastappingherchinontheisland.“Oneminute,wewereinbedtogether.Youwereallupinme.”Myteethclenchwhenshesaysthat.“Andthenthenext,youaresittingonthesideofthebedwhileIlaytherenaked,tellingmethatitwasamistake.”I’mabouttospeak,butshejustglaresatme.“Iwouldchooseyourwordsverycarefully,Luke.”
“IhavenoexcuseforthatbuttosayIwasscared.”Iswallowthelumpinmythroat.
Shelaughs,andIknowshe’snotreallylaughing.Actually,cometothinkofit,it’sthesoundonemakesbeforelungingforapersontochokethem.“Okay,maybethatwordisn’tright.”Iholdupmyhands.“Ijustdidn’twantanythingbetweenustochange.”Shejustshakesherhead.“Whatwesharedwasmorethanjustaone-nightstand.”Irunmyhandsthroughmyhair,wantingtoripitoutforher.“I’mnotexplainingmyselfwell.”
“Oh,you’redefinitelyfuckingthisuptothetenthdegree,”sheadmits.“Oneminute,wewereamistake,andthenext,youweregone.”Shelaughsbitterlyatme.“Fun.Goodtimes.”Shetakesasip.“Alsowouldnotrecommend.”
“Areyoudone?”Iask.AndifIthoughtshewasglaringatmebefore,Iwaswrong.I’vealwaysheardthesayingiflookscouldkill,butforthefirsttimeinmylife,I’mgiventhatlook.“Ihadnochoicebuttogo.Itwasanopportunityofalifetime.WhenFrancoiscalledmeabouttheplaceinNewYork,Ihadnochoice.ItwasmydreamtohavearestaurantinNewYorkCity.Notonlywasitmyonlychancebuthealsogavemesixhourstogettohim.Ididn’tknowwhattodo.”
“Andyoucouldn’tpickupthephonetocallandtellme?”sheshoutsandthenthrowsupherhands.“Imaginethat,pickingupatelephoneandcalling.”Shebringsherhanduptoherearwithherthumbandpinkyout,puttingittoherear.“It’sbarbaric,Iknow,butthat’sthewaypeoplecommunicate.”
“WhatwasIsupposedtosay?”Iputmyhandsonmyhips,mywholebodynowfilledwithnervousenergiesaswethrowwordsateachotherfromeachsideoftheisland.
“Iwantedyoutosayanything!”sheyells.“Anythingwouldhavebeenbetterthannothing.”
“Whatdidyouwantmetosaytoyou,Clarabella?”Ilookather,andthistime,I’mtheonewhodoesn’tgiveherachancetosayanything.“Youwantedmetocallyouafteryoustormedoutofthehouseandbelike‘lastnightwasamazing.’”Myvoicegoeslouder.“Bestnightofmylife,butI’mleaving,socatchyouontheflipside.”Istareintohereyes.“Isthatwhatyouwanted?”
“Itdoesn’tmatterwhatIwanted,”shesays,andIcanhearthehurtinhervoice.
“Clarabella,”Isayhernameagain,thistimesoft,thistimewithapleaforhertolookatme,butshedoesn’t.Instead,shelookstotheside,andIseeherblinkingawaytears.ThefactthatImadeherhavetearsaftereverythingshe’sbeenthroughtodayjustpushesmeovertheedge.ShedeservessomuchbetterthanwhateveritisthatIhavetooffer.ThefactthatIbroughthertotearsbreaksme,andIdon’tthinkI’veeverfeltthisbrokeninside.ThepaininmychestandtheneedtowanttopullhertomeisonethatIwillneverbeabletoexplain.
“Youmadeyourchoice,”shesays,hervoicelow.“AndIwasn’tworthathirty-secondphonecall.Instead,IhadtofindoutfromMikaela.”
Iwaswrongbefore.Thisrighthereshattersme.Thatshewouldthinkthatshewasn’tworthathirty-secondphonecallisthedumbestthingshe’seversaid.“Youareworthmorethanthat.”Chapter18
Clarabella
“Ineedadrink.”Myvoicecomesoutshaky,andIreachforthebottleandtakeanothersip.MaybeifIdrinkenough,Icanforgeteverything.
“Whatdidyoueattoday?”heasks,andIwanttotellhimit’snothisconcern
“Breakfast,”Ianswerhiminoneword.
“I’llmakeyoufood,andthenI’llgo,”hesays,andthelumpinmythroatfillsup.Ihavetogetawayfromhim.
Igrabthebottleandgetdownfromthestool,thenmakesuremyassisn’tshowingwhenIwalktowardthecouch.“Idon’tthink.”IhearLuke’svoicebeforeIsitonthecouchandsinkintoit.It’salmostlikequicksand.
“Whatthefuck?”Iblurt,holdingthebottleintheairtoensureIdon’tspillanyofit.
“Shit,”hesays,rushingovertome,anditlookslikehe’sgoingtograbme,andrightnow,afterthattalk,thelastthingIwanthimtodoistotouchme
“Grabthebottleandturnaround,”Iwarn,andhegrabsthebottleandjustlooksatme.“Fine,don’tturnaround,”Isay,movingtogetoutofthesunkenhole.“ButI’mnotwearingyourboxersunderthisshirt,andallthesepantiescanbedescribedasarestring.”
Heglaresatme,turningandwalkingawayfromme.Ihuffandpuff,tryingtogetout,andfinally,Irolloutoftheholeandenduponmyknees.“Whatinthe?”Isay,gettingupnowandfeelinglikeIjustranamarathon.
“Theraccoonsmadethebaseofthecouchtheirhome,”heexplainswithhisbackstilltome.
“Whyinthehellwouldyounotthrowitout?”Ibrushmyselfoff.“CanIgetrabiesfromsittingonthecouch?”Helaughs.“It’sallfunandgamesuntilIhavetogetarabiesshotfromaninfestedcouch.”Ilookathisbackandthentothecouch.“Iswear,Ifeelthingscrawlinginme.”
Helooksoverhisshoulder,laughing.“Sitdownandletmemakeyoufood,”hesuggests,turningwhenheseesthatI’mcovered.
“Whatever.”Irollmyeyes,walkingovertothestoolandsittingagainwhilehegoestothesinkandwasheshishandsbeforecomingbackandgrabbingthebagoffoodhebroughtinbefore.
Iwatchashetakesouttheingredientsandthenturnstograbapan.“Youhavestate-of-the-artcookware,”Iobserve,grabbingthebottleofscotch.“Butacouchthatisrabiesinfested.”
Hejustshakeshishead.“Icomeheretogetmyinspiration.”
“Didyoucooktheraccoons?”Iaskwithmyhandhalfwaytomymouth,andhejustglaresatme.
“Iliketocomeupherewhenalotisgoingonandjustfindmypeace,”heexplainsashetakesthechickenoutandpatsitdry.“Icomehereandcreatedishesandthenseeiftheyaregoodornot.”
“So,youcomeuphereinthemiddleofnowhere.”Icrossmylegs.“Andcookforyourselfandtheneatthefood.”Iwanttopuffoutandtellhimpleasespareme,butIdon’t.
“Prettymuch,”hesaysasheturnsthestoveon,andIjustwatchhimcook.Idon’tknowwhattosay.WhenIwalkedoutoftheroom,thelastthingIthoughtwewoulddiscusswouldbehimleaving.AtleastItoldmyselfIwasn’tevergoingtobringitupandmakehimseehowmuchitbotheredme.Butpushcomestoshove,andyougetenoughliquidcourageinyou,andallbetsareoff.Sittinginfrontofhim,I’mtryingtobesnarkyaboutit,butthenmyheartfellwhenhesaidthatitwasthebestnightofhislife.Icouldn’tevenlookathimtoseeifhewastellingthetruth.Instead,Ihadtolooktothesideandfightthroughtheneedtoletthetearscome.IfelthiseyesonmethewholetimeasIblinkedmyeyesfuriouslytomakethetearsgoaway.
“CanIusethebathroom?”Ifinallysay,knowingthatIshouldwashmyface.“I’massumingthatyoudon’thavemakeupremover?”Iaskashelooksupatme.
“Yes,it’snexttothefacialscrubsthatisnexttothehammamspa.”Ican’thelpbutsnortoutathiscomment.
“WherecanIsignupforthatservice?”Iaskovermyshoulderandwalktothebathroom.I’mabouttogoinwhenIthinkabouthimnotcheckinginthere.“Isthereawindowinthere?”
“No,”hesays,andIjustnodmyhead.“Shouldbeallclear.”
“Great,justwhatyoulovetohear,”Imumble,turningthedoorhandleandsteppingintoclosethedoorbehindme.Thebathroomhasonesink,atoilet,andashower.Itlookslikeitwasupdatedatthesametimeasthekitchen.Iwalkovertothepedestalandturnonthewater,lookingintothemirror.Well,therearenoblackstreaksdownmyface,sothat’saplus.“Theywerenotjokingwhentheysaidwaterproof.”Itakeasecondtowetmyhandsandthenputthemonmycheeksbeforewalkingout,andthesmelljusthitsmeandmystomachgrowls.“Itsmellsamazing,”Isay,walkingovertothekitchenashewhiskssomethinginthecast-ironpan.“Whatareyoumaking?”
“ChickenAlfredo,”heanswers,withoutlookingatmeandIjuststareathim.MyheartisbeatingsohardinmychestIhavetowalkawayfromhimincasehecanhearit.
ButthenIstopandlookoverathim.“Youweregoingtocomeuphereonmyweddingday,gettrashed,andeatmyfavoritemeal.”
“IguessI’magluttonforpunishment,”hesaysashegrabstwoplatesandputsfoodonthem.
MymouthwaterswhenIsitonthestool,andhewalksoverandputsaplateinfrontofme.“Iknowitwasn’tonyourmenuforthewedding,”hesays,walkingaroundmetositdownonthestoolbesideme.“Hopeitpassesyourstandards.”
“Well,itlookslikeshit.”IkeepmyfacestraightasIlookathimandallhedoesisstareatme.“Kidding,”Isay,laughing,andheflipsmethebird.This,thisrighthereiswhatwedo.Wecanhateeachotheroneminute,andthenit’sbacktonormal.It’salwaysbeenlikethatwithhim.
“Bonappétit,”hesays,grabbinghisforkandtwirlingthepastaaroundit.Iwatchhimtakethefirstbite,andhenodshishead.“NottoobadifIsaysomyself.”
Igrabmyownfork,andtheminutethepastahitsmytongue,Imoan.“It’sorgasmic,”Isay,andhejustshakeshishead.Thecreamy,butterysaucejusthitsalltheboxesascomfortfood.“WasthereanyoneinNewYork?”ThewordsleavemylipsbeforeIcankickmyself.Whywouldyouaskhimthis?Forwhatreason?Myheadscreamsatme.Idon’tevenlookathim.Instead,Ifocusonthepastainfrontofme.
“NoonethatIwantedtomarry,”hesays,andIdon’tevenknowwhyitmatters.Iwasgoingtogetmarried.It’snotlikeIwaitedforhim.Therestofthemealisquiet,neitherofussayinganything.
Ilookoverathimashefinisheshislastbite.“Whydon’tyoujuststaythenightandleavetomorrow?”Hejustlooksatme,andallIcandoisstareintohiseyes.Theylookasifthereisabattlegoingon.“It’salreadylate,andyoulooktired.”
“Thereisonlyonebed,”heremindsme,andIrepeatthewordssotheycansinkinmyhead.
“Thereisonlyonebed.”IgrabsomepastatokeepmymouthbusyfromsayingsomethingthatIshouldn’tsay.
“Iwouldsay,sleeponthesofa.”Itrytojokewithhim,butthenervesinmystomachmakeitfeellikeafishflopswhenitgetsoutofthewater.
“I’llsleepinthetruck,”hesays,andIrollmyeyes.
“That’sstupid.Wecansleepinthesamebed,”Irespondandthengrabthescotch,takingagulp.“Icansleepunderthecovers,andyoucansleepontop,andwecanputsomecushionsinthemiddleofus.”
“LikethewallofChina?”hejokes,andIlookathim.
“Yes,withabarbwirefence.”IfakeasmileasItakeanothersip.“Likeshark-infestedwatersrightoutofAlcatraz.”
Hecan’thelpbutthrowhisheadbackandlaugh.“Iamgoingtocleanupsinceyoucooked.”
“No,youdon’thavetodothat,”hesays,leaningoverandtakingalongpullofthescotch.
“I’massumingthatmeansyou’restaying?”Iask,gettingupandwalkingovertothesinktoseethathewascleaningashewent,andtheonlythingslefttocleanarethetwoplatesandthepan.
“WhoisgoingtosaveyoufromtheraccoonsifIgo?”Heleansback,smirkingatme,andtheonlythingIdoisstickmytongueoutathim,makinghimlaughevenmore.MyheadspinsasIstarttowashthedishes.
“I’mgoingtogoshower,”heshares,gettingupfromthestoolandgrabbingthebottleofscotch.Idon’tsayanythingtohim.Instead,Ifinishcleaningup.Myheadspinsevenmorenow,andIlaughasIpulloffthecoverstothebedandclimbunderthem.AssoonasIlaymyheadonthepillow,thebathroomdooropens,andhewalksoutjustwearinghisjeans.Helooksaroundtwiceandthenspotsmeinthebed.“Buildingthewall?”heasks,andIjustlaugh.
“Ididn’tturnoffthelights.”Iclosemyeyes,takinginthespinningoftheroom.Iopenthemupagain,watchinghimwalktothewallandfliptheswitch.Hestepsintotheroom,andIseethathisjeansbuttonisundone.Hisfeetarebare,andIcanseehisshadowcomingtothebed.
“Permissiontoliedownonthecovers,”hejokes,andIcanhearhimchucklingbeforeheliesdownonhissideofthebed.
“Ididn’tbuildthewall,”Inote.“Myheadwasspinning.”Myeyesgetusedtothelight,andthesoftlightfromthemooncomesintothewindow.“It’speaceful,”Isay,andheturnshisheadonthepillowandlooksatme.“Didyoumeanwhatyousaid?”
“Whichpart?”heasks,hisvoicesoftasheturnsoveronhissidetolookatme.
“Thepartaboutournighttogether?”Iask,knowingthatIshouldn’tevencareandthereareotherthingstoworryabout.“Forgetit,”Isayjustasfast,gettingreadytoturnoverandgivehimmyback.Imakeamentalnotetonevereverdrinkscotchagain.
Hishandcomesout,grabbingmyhipbeforeIturnaround.“Clarabella.”Hesaysmynameexactlylikehedidthatnight.“I’malotofthings,”hesays,hisvoicecomingoutsoclear.“Imaybeacowardforthemorningafter,butI’mnotaliar.”
Iswallow,andIdon’tknowwhy,butIfeellikehe’sclosertome.“Ineversaidyouwerealiar.”Thewordscomeout,andmymouthissuddenlyasdryasthedesert.“I’vedrunktoomuch.”IpretendasifI’mdrunkerthanIreallyam.
“Youdidn’tevendrinkthatmuch.”Hecallsmeoutonmylie.“Youtooksipsthewholenight.”
“Whatdoyouwantfromme?”IwishthelightswereonsoIcouldseehisface.SoIcouldstareintohiseyesandseewhathe’sthinking.
Theairfeelssothickintheroom.Itfeelsliketimeisstandingstill.Itfeelslikebothofusknowwhatisgoingtohappen,butneitherofusissureitshouldhappen.MyheartstartstobeatsohardIfeellikeit’sliterallygoingtocomeoutofmychest.Mytonguefeelslikeit’sgettingheavy,andmyhandsareshakingwithanticipation.Mybrainisfinallycatchinguptowhatishappeninginmyheartwhenhesaysthewords.
“Iwantthis,”hesays,hisvoicealmostgrowling.Hishandonmyhipreachesupintothesideofmyhair,andintheblinkofaneye,myhandsarereachingforhisfaceashislipscrashdownonmine.Theminuteourtonguesinvadeeachother’smouth,webothmoan.Histongueslidesintomine,andIcantastethescotchonhim.It’samomentthatwillforeverstaywithme,amomentthatIguesswasboundtohappen.Amomentthatfeelslikeitwasalwayssupposedtobelikethis.ImovemyheadtothesidesoIcandeepenthekiss,histonguefightingwithmine.Webothwanttowinthebattleashepushesmeontomyback.Mylegmovesup,butit’sstuckunderthecover.
“Wait.”Imovemyheadawayfromhis,andhestopsanddoesn’tmove.
“Ishouldn’thave.”Hemovesoffmeenoughformetothrowthecoveroffmeandthenreachforhim.
“Thisisbetter.”Ipullhimbackdownonme,andmylegcocksupoverhiship,myfingercomingupandtracinghisbottomlip.“Kissme,Luke.”Chapter19
Luke
“Kissme,Luke,”shesaysasherfingerstracemylips.Whenshetoldmetostopbefore,Iwantedtokickmyself.Ishouldhaveneverkissedher;Iwassooutofline.Butlyinginbedwithherandjustbeingnearherdoescrazythingstome.StuffthatI’veneverfeltbefore.Withher,everythingseemstocomesonaturally.Withher,everysingletouchislikeanelectricshock.Withher,everykissfeelslikethefirst.Withher,everysinglesecondIwanttospendtouchingher,evenifit’sjustherhandortotuckherhairaroundherear.It’sfuckingeverything.
“Withpleasure,”Isayrightbeforemylipsfindhersagain.Mytongueslidesintohermouth,meetinghers.Herleghitchesovermyhip,andmyhandgoestoherass,findingitbare.TheminuteIsqueezeherass,webothmoan.Herhipsthrustagainstme,andIletgoofherlipstomovedowntoherneck.Itrailkissesdownhercheek,wrappingmyarmsaroundhertighterthanIshould.Herlegsopenforme,wrappingaroundmywaistasIsuckherneck.“Fuck,”Isay,closingmyeyesasmytonguecomesoutandlicksherneck.
“Wait,”shesaysbreathlessly,andIwishI’dkeptthelightsonsoIcouldseehowhereyeschangecolorswhenIslipintoher.Fromthefirsttime,IwasmesmerizedbyseeinghereyesgetdarkereverysingletimeItookher.Iloosenmygriponher,andsheslipsherhandsbetweenus.Grabbingtheshirtandpullingitoverherhead,sheshowsmethatshe’scompletelynakedunderthere.Well,thelittlepantiesbarelyhideanything.Mymouthbendsautomatically,takinganippleintomymouth.
“Yes,”shehissesoutasmyhandcomesupandIswitchfromonenippletotheother.Ipinchtheothernipple.“Fuck,”shesays,herlegsbecomingtighteraroundmywaist.“Youknowhowsensitivetheyare.”
“Oh,trustme,”Isay,bitingdownonhernipple.“Iremember.”Imovemyheaddownherstomach.“Iremembereverythingaboutthatnight.”Ilookupather,andImovedown,andherlegsfallfromaroundmywaist.“YouknowwhatelseIremember?”Iask,kissingtheinsideofherthigh.“Thelandingstripthatyouhave.”Myfingergoesunderthelaceofthewhitepanties,andherbodyshiverswhenImovethepantiestooneside,anditsnapsundermyfingers.“Oops.”Ilaugh,andshejustlooksdownatme.
“Nothingstoppingyounow.”Shespreadsherlegsevenmorebutthensitsup,andIgetuponmyknees.Herhandsgotomypants,mycockrockhardunderthezipperassheunzipsme.“BecausefromwhatIremembered…”Shepushesthepantsoffmyhips.“Youreallylikeditwhen…”Shegetsonherknees,thewhitestringthatshecalledpantiesfallsdowntoherkneesonthebed.“Whenyouliedown.”Shepushesmebacknowandstraddlesmylap.“AndIsitonyourface.”Shebitesmylowerlip.“AllthewhileIsuckyourcock.”
Myhandsgrabherass.“Mycockwouldlikeverymuchtogetbackintoyourmouth,”IsaytoherasIfallontothebedonmyback.Sheputsherhandsbesidemyheadandbendsdowntokissmylips,hertonguecomingouttoplaywithmine.ShekissesmeuntilI’mtheonewhoisbreathless,andwhenIopenmyeyes,sheturnsaround.
“Nowthis.”Iliftmyhead,lickingherslitandmakinghermoan.“IswhatIremembered.”Shefallsforward.Oneofhertinyhandswrapsaroundmydick,andIstopbreathingforasecondbeforeshelickstheheadofmycock.“Fuck.”Iclosemyeyesforjustanothersecondbeforeshetakestheheadofmycockintohermouth.“Arewegoingtorace?”Ichallenge,lickingheragain.Thistime,mytonguecirclesaroundherclit.“Firstonetocomeisthebottom,”Iadd.“Youcome,Ipoundyou.Icome,yourideme.”
“Eitherway,Iwin,”shesays,hermouthswallowingmycockwhileherhandcontinuestojerkit.Ilickupherslitandsuckinasshemovesherassfromsidetoside.
Onehandholdsherassinplacewhiletheotherrunsupherwetslit.“Youarealreadywetforme.”Iobserveasafingerslidesrightinsideher,andshemoansaroundmycock.“Slick.”Iaddanotherfingerinsideherandmoveslowly,knowingshehateswhenIgoslow.WithClarabella,it’salwayshardandalwaysfast.“Yourpussytasteslikeheaven,”Isayasmytongueslidesinwithmyfingers.“Sosweet.”Myfingergetsburiedinsideher,mythumbcirclingaroundandaroundherclit,andshetriestomoveherhips,butmyhandstopsher.“Tellmewhatyouneed?”Myfingerswiggleinsideherastheyslideoutandtheninsoslowly,sheletsgoofmycocktomoan.“Allyouneedtodoistellmewhatyouneed,andI’llgiveittoyou.”Itrytofocusonherpussy,butherhandtightensonmycockasshejerksit.
“Ineedyoutomovefaster,”shedeclares,lookingbackatme.“AndIneedto…”ShecloseshereyesasImovemyfingersfasterthanbefore.Herhandevenstopsmoving,andasmuchasIlovehavinghermouthonmycock,Ilovemakinghercomemore.Islipmyfingersoutofher,andshegroansbutnotforlong.“Luke.”
“Iknow.”Iturnherovertoherbackandplacemykneesbesideher,mycocknexttohermouth.“Butlikethis.”Ireachdown,andmytwomiddlefingersdisappearinsideher.“Igettofingerfuckyouand…”Ibenddown,takinganippleinmymouth,knowingthatthetwotogetherwillsetherofflikeafirecracker.
“Fuck,”shesays,liftingherhipsoffthebedandtryingtogetmetogofaster.“Stoptorturingme.”Herhandcomesuptotakemycockinit.“OrelseI’mgoingtojusttakewhatIwant.”
“Oh,yeah?”Ilookupather,myfingersmovinginandoutofher,andshe’sgettingsowet.“Andwhatareyougoingtodoaboutit?”Imovetotheothernippleandbitedownonit.
“Needmore,”shesaysbreathlessly.“Needmore.”Sheletsgoofmycock,andshemovesatrecordspeed.Shesitsupandpushesmedown.I’minshock,thinkingmaybeshechangedhermind,butinstead,shethrowsherlegovermyhipsandimpalesherselfonmycock.“Yes,”shecheers,andsheridesmycockhardandfast.“That’swhatIneed,”shesayswithrecklessabandonmentandridesmycock.Ilethersetthepace,myhandsonhertitsrollingandpinchinghernipples.Herpussystartstotightenaroundmycock,andmyballsgettight.
“I’mthere,”Ishare,andshecloseshereyesasshemovesupanddownfasterandfaster.“Comeonmycock,”Isay,andshenodsherhead,thewordsallstuckinherthroat.“Youwantedmycock,soIgaveyoumycock.Nowcomeonit.”Ipinchbothnipplesatthesametime,andit’swhatsheneedstogoovertheedge.
“Yes,”shesays,overandoveragain,andmycockjustexplodesinher.Shecollapsesonmychestandburiesherfaceinmyneck.Myhandswraparoundher.“ThatwaswhatIneeded.”Shekissesmynecksoftly.“Didyou…?”Sheliftsherhead.
“Atthesametime,”Isay,andshesmirksatme.
“So,whowon?”sheasks,andIcan’thelpbutlaugh.
“Mycockisinyou,soIthinkwecansaywebothwon.”Ikissherandturnheroveronherback,andthistime,I’mtheonewhofucksher.
Iopenmyeyesforasecond,thesuncreepingintotheroom,beforeclosingthemagain.IreachoutmyarmforClarabella,butitcomesupempty.MyeyesflyopenasIlookatthesideofthebedwhereshefellasleep.ThepillowisstillindentedfromherheadasIgetuponmyelbowandlookaroundtheroom.Thecoversarearoundmywaist.“Clarabella?”Icallhername,wonderingifsheisinthebathroom.IwaitacoupleofsecondstoseeifIhearanymovementbeforeIflipthecoversoffme,stand,andcallhernameagain.“Clarabella.”Igrabmyboxersandslipthemon,butIhavethisdreadinmethatsheleft.Myheartstartstogocrazyinmychest,andmymouthfeelslikethereissandinitasItrytoswallow.Irushoutofthebedroom,lookingaroundtheemptycabin.Thefrontdoorisopen,andIcanseehersittingdownwiththeshirtIwaswearinglastnight.Shelooksoutintothetrees,notmoving.Ilookovertothekitchenandseethatshestartedcoffee.
Myfeetmovebeforemyhead,andshelooksoverhershoulder.“Hey,”Isay,andmyheartsinkswhenshedoesn’tlookatme.Instead,sheturnsherheadandjustcontinuesstaringoutintothehorizon.
“Imadecoffee,”shesaysloudly,andIturntowalktothecoffeemachinebeforegoingouttoher.ThewholetimeI’mpsychingmyself,lookingoveratmyshouldertomakesureshedoesn’ttakeoff.
Ifillupmywhitecupwiththeblackcoffeeandturntowalkbackoutside,sittingrightnexttoher.Thebirdschirpinginthetreeshasherlookingup.“It’ssopeacefulhere,”shenotes.Ibringthecuptomylips,tryingtocalmdownthatshehasn’tlookedoveratme.Herhairiswildfromtheshowerwetooklastnightandfrompullingitmostofthenightafterward.Shetakesasipofhercoffee,andfuck,ifsheisn’tthemostbeautifulwomanI’veeverseen.TheonlythingthatIcanthinkofisboy,didImessupwhenItoldhershewasamistake.
“Whendidyougetup?”Iaskawkwardly,tryingnottogetcaughtstaringatherandmakingherthinkI’maweirdo.
“Awhileago,”shesays.“Ididn’twanttowakeyou.”
“Notgoingtolie,”Istarttosayandthenstopnervously.“WhenIopenedmyeyesandfoundthebedempty,Isortofhadaslightpanicattackthinkingyoutookoffonme.”Itakeagulpofthehotcoffee,hopingthatitburnsmythroat,andIstoptalking.
Shelaughs.“Nope,IonlyrunawaywhenI’mwearingaweddingdress.”Ican’thelpbutchuckleatherjoke.
“Whatwereyouthinkingabout?”Iask,turningtoseethatsheislookingatatreewithabirdinit.
“Everything,”shesays.“Andnothing.”
“Regrets?”Ifinallysay,andherheadwhipstolookatme.“Doyouregretlastnight?”
“ShouldI?”shehisses,herteethclenchedtogether.
“Iwasjustmakingsurethatyouknow.”MyvoicetrailsoffasIthinkfortherightwords.“Yesterdaywasarollercoasterofemotions,andtoday,thedayafteryourwedding,youwakeupnaked,notnexttothepersonyouprobablythoughtyouwouldbenextto,soIwasjustwondering.”
“Definitelydidn’tthinkI’dwakeupwithyouthismorning.”Shelaughs.“IfI’mhonest.”
Theburningstartsinmystomach,andItrytoconvincemyselfthatit’sfromthehotcoffeethatIjustdrank,butit’snot.It’sfromthethoughtthatshecouldhavebeenmarriedthismorning.“What’sthatlookabout?”shequestions,andIlookbackather.
“Doyourememberthefirstdaywemet?”Iask,andshejustsmiles.
“No,”shelies,butIcantellfromthewayhereyeslightupthatshedoes.“Oh,wait.”Sheputsherfingertohernoseandpretendstothinkaboutit.“Itwasataparty.”Ibringthecupofcoffeetomymouth.“Youpretendedyoulikedmeandthendatedmybestfriend.”
Ishakemyhead.“Ididn’tpretendIlikedyou.”Iside-eyeher.“Besides,Iwasn’ttheonewhostoppedtalkingtotheotherperson.”
Shegasps.“Ididn’tstoptalkingtoyou.”
“Really?”Iputmycoffeecupdown.Weneverreallyspokeaboutwhathappenedincollege,notevenwhenwewerefriendsagainaftershestoppedhatingme.“Wewerefriends.”Iholdupmyfingerwhenshelookslikesheisabouttosaysomething.“Iusedtocomeoverearlyjusttotalktoyou.”
“But,”shesays,andIshakemyhead,andshejustglares.
“Thenoneday,youjuststoppedtalkingtome.”Ishrug.“Soyouweretheonewhohatedme.”
“Areyoudoneyet?”sheasks,andIknowthatshe’sreadytoarguebecausesheputshercupdownbesideher.“Okay,one,Ithoughtwehadaconnection.”Shepointsatmeandthenher.“AndthenIwalkout,andyouarealltonguedownmybestfriend’sthroat.”
“Shestuckhertonguedownmythroattheminuteyoulefttogotothebathroom,”Iadmittoher.“SoIfiguredthatsheknewsomethingIdidn’tknow.”Sheglaresatme,andIsmileandleanintokissherlipssoftly.“Sorry,goon,”Isay,buttheneedtotouchherisgreaterthangettingthisstorystraight,atleastforthenextthirtyminutes.“Wait.”Iholdupmyhandbeforeplacingitonhercheekandthenkisshersoftly.“Nowyoucancontinue.”
“Idon’tknowwhatIwassaying.”Shesmilesandkissesmeagain.HereyesaresomuchlighterthanwhenIwalkedout,andifIdidanythingrightthisweekend,thefactthatImadehersmileiseverything.Chapter20
Clarabella
“Oh,Iknow,whenyoustarteddatingmybestfriendandwouldtauntme.”Istareathim.
“Inevertauntedyou,”hesays.“Ithoughtyouhatedme.”
“What?”Irespond,shocked.“Howcanyousaythat?”Iwatchhimasheshakeshishead,andhishandfallsfrommyface.Hetakesthesamehandandputsitaroundmyshoulders.
“Shetoldmeso,”hesays,andIlookathim,shocked.Thatfuckingbitch,isgoingthroughmyhead.
“Okay.One,sheknewIhadacrushonyou.Itoldher.”Iholdupmyhand.“Andtwo,IstoppedtalkingtoyoubecausemycrushwasbecomingdeeperthanIwanteditto,especiallysinceyouwerebangingmyroommate.”
It’shisturnnowtomoveawayfromme.“Ineverbangedher.”Heholdsuphishand,andI’mshockedtosaytheleast.
“Shetoldme,”Imumble.
“Well,thisisawkward,”hesays.“One,wedatedfortwomonths,andwell,itwasweird.”Myeyebrowspresstogether.“Shewasalltouchy-feelywhenyouwerethere,andthenitwaslikeaswitchwentoffwhenyouweren’t.”
Ilaugh.“AndthisiswhyI’mnotfriendswithheranymore.”Ishakemyhead.TheminuteshestarteddatingLuke,Istarteddistancingmyselffromher.Whodatestheguyyourroommatelikes?Oh,Iknow,abitch.Oneyoudon’tneed
“Sothat’swhyyouhatedme?”heasks,andIrollmyeyes.
“Ididn’thateyou,”Isay,ignoringhislaughter.“Ijustdidn’tlikeyou.”Idrinkthecoldcoffee.“Much.”
“Youliterallystoppedallcommunicationwithme,andwhenyousawmeagainfouryearslater,yourefusedtoeventalktome.”Hisarmpullsmeclosertohim.Idon’tsayanything,andneitherdoeshe.Ijustrestmyheadonhisshoulder.WhenIwokeupthismorning,IgotoutofbedasquietlyasIcould.Ithoughthewouldwakeupagainandtellmeitwasamistake,soIgotmyselfreadyforit.Plus,myheadwasspinningwitheverythingthathappenedyesterday.
“Clarabella,”hesaysashekissesmyhead.“Weshouldmaybetalkabitaboutlastnight.”Herewego,myheadsays,expectinghimtosaysomethingIdon’twanttohear,buthedoesn’t.“Wedidn’tuseprotection.”
“IhaveanIUD.”Iturninhisarmstolookathim.Hisarmfallsfrommyshoulders,butheholdsmyhip.“AndI’mclean.Igottested.”Helooksdownatme.“Itwasforinsurance.EdwardandIalwaysusedprotection.”
“I’vebeenwithonepersonbesidesyou,andIworeprotection,”hesays,andIhatethewaymystomachgoestight.Iwasengaged,myheadtellsme.“Whatdoyouwanttodo?”heasks,andIlookathim.
“Aboutlife?”
Helaughs.“No,abouttoday.Doyouwanttogobackhome?”Myheadstartstoshakebeforeheevenfinishes.
“Woulditbeokayifwestayedtheweekend?”Iask,andhejustsmirks.
“ThereisnoWi-Fiortelevision.Whatwillwedotopassthetime?”Hewinksatme.“Imean,Icanthinkofacoupleofthings.”
Ican’thelpbutthrowmyheadbackandlaughoutloud,thesoundechoinginthemiddleofthetrees.Istandbesidehim,andhelooksupatme.Hishairstillhasthespotsthatmyfingerswerepullinglastnight.“Ithinkit’sbestifyoushowme.”Itiltmyheadtotheside.
Hestandsup,wrappinghisarmaroundmywaisttopickmeup.“Ilikethatideabetterthanmine,”hesays,walkingbackintothecabinwherehespreadsmeonthecounterandeatshisbreakfast
`*`
“Ican’tbelievethatyoudidn’tbringanyotherclothes,”Igripe,puttingonhisboxersandablackT-shirt.“Ifwegetpulledover,orwehaveaflattire,theyaregoingtothinkyoukidnappedme.”
Helooksoveratme,laughing.“Notwiththoseshoes.”HesmirksasIslipmyfeetintomyweddingshoes.“Fuck,”heswears,andIlookoverathim.“Shouldhavemadeyouweartheshoeslastnight.”
Idon’tevenbotheransweringhim.Instead,Ijustrollmyeyesandheadtowardthetruck.“Weliterallycan’tevenstopandgetoutofthecar.”Ilookdownatmyexposedlegs.
“Ican.”Heclosesthedoortothecabinbehindhimandwalksoutwithhisdumbbackpackinonehandandmyweddingdressintheother.“Ihaveenoughgastogethome.”Iwatchhimwalkdownthestepstowardthetruck.He’salwaysbeenhot,butnowwiththescruffonhisfaceatouchlonger,helooksevenhotter.Thiswholeweekendhasbeensomewhatofablur.Therewasalotofsex,butthenthereweretimesthathejustletmebe.HeletmesitinthesilenceofthecabinasIgatheredmythoughts.Heplacesmyweddingdressdowninthebackseatgentlybeforegettingintothefront.“Yougood?”Helooksoveratme,andIjustnodmyhead.Hedidthatalotthisweekendwhenhesawmesittingoutsideandjustreflecting.Iwouldgooutsidewhenhewasintheshowerorwhenhewascooking,andheletmehavethetimetoreflect.Heneveronceintruded,evenduringmorningcoffeewhenhewouldcomeoutsideandsitwithme.Hewouldwaitformetosaysomething.
“Notintheleast.”It’sthefirsttimeIanswerhimanythingbutyes.Myfingerstaponthemiddleconsolewheremyphoneischarging.Ihavenodoubtthatonceitgetsasignal,it’llbegoingofflikefireworksontheFourthofJuly.“Butyouhavetofacethemusicatsomepoint.”
Heslipshishandinmineashestartsthedrivehome.Wedon’tsayanything,andIknowrightawaywhenwegetasignal.Thepingsareeverysinglesecond.“Well,thatwasnice.”Islipmyhandoutofhisandgrabthephone,notsurewhatisgoingtobewaitingforme.IseethatI’vemissedmorenotificationsthatIdon’tevenwanttoreadatthispoint.Soinstead,Ijustsendatexttothefamilychat.
Me:Onmywayhome.Shouldbethereintwohours.
Ipowerdownthephoneandplaceitbackinthecupholder.Thecloserthatwegettohome,themoremystomachsinks.Atonepoint,IopenthewindowbecauseIfeellikeI’mgoingtothrowup.Ileanmyheadagainstthedoorandclosemyeyesasthewindblowsonmyface.
Whenthetruckstops,IopenmyeyestoseethatI’mparkedinmydriveway.“Youhavearrivedatyourdestination,”Lukequips.“Yourdestinationisontheright.”Hetriestomakeajokeaboutit,andIevenlaughbeforeturningtoseemysisterspullinbehindus.“Andherecomesthecavalry.”Ilookoverathimandwonderwhathe’sthinking.Ialsoknowthatwithmysistershere,wearen’tgoingtobeabletotalkfreely.
“Well,well,well,”Presleygoads,gettingoutofhercarandslammingthedoor.“Lookatwhatthecatdraggedin.”
“I’llgetyourstuff,”Lukesaysquietlyfromhissideofthetruck.
Ipullthedoorhandleopenandstepout.Mysistersbothlookatme.“Whatthehellareyouwearing?”Shelbyshrieks.
“It’stheonlythinghehad.”IpointovertoLuke.
“AreyouwearinganythingunderthatT-shirt?”Presleyfoldsherarmsoverherchest,hereyebrowsgoingup.
“Boxers,”Iadmit.Theirmouthshangopen,andIthrowupmyhands.“Thesearetheonlyclotheshehad.”IlookoveratLukeashecarriesmyweddingdressoverhisshoulder.
“Iwasonlygoingawayfortheweekend.”Hetriestodefendhimself,butnothinghesayswillmakethisokay.
“Andyoubroughtnoclothes?”Shelbyasks,shocked.
“That’swhatIsaid.”Iwalktowardmyhouse,lookingaroundtoseeifanyofmyneighborsareout.WegothomejustbeforelunchonaMonday,soit’snosurprisethatmostofthemareatwork.
“Iwasn’tplanningongoingout.”Lukeshakeshisheadandwalksbehindme.
“I’msorry,”Presleysays,notmoving.“Ijustcan’twrapmyheadaroundthefactthatyouwentawaywithoutpackingclothes.”Sheputsherhandtoherhead.“Likewhatifyouhadanaccidentandshityourself.”Lukelooksatherlikeshehastwoheads.
“That’swhatIsaid.”IlookoveratthemwhenIputthecodetothedoorin,anditdoesn’topen.
“Oh,wechangedthecode,”Shelbyshares.“WethoughtthatEdwardwouldcomeandcampout.”Shegivesmethenewcode,andIputitin.TheminuteIwalkin,Icoughatthesmell.
“Whatthehellisthatsmell?”Ilookaround,seeingifmaybesomethingisonfire.Iwavemyhandinfrontofmynose.
“Momcamebyyesterdayandsagedthehouse.”Presleylaughs.“Totakeoutthebadjuju.Shewantedtotorchthebed,butwestoppedher.You’rewelcome.”
“Well,thatmightbemycuetoleave,”Lukesays,lookingatme.Iwanttosaysomethingtohim,butmysistersarerightthere.“Wheredoyouwantthedress?”
“Justthrowitonthecouch,”Ireply,pointingovertothelivingroomofftheentrance.Hewalksoverandplacesitonthecouchgently.“Thankyou,”Imumbletohimashewalksbacktothedoor.
“Ladies.”Lukenodsatthemandthenlooksbackforasecondbeforewalkingtohistruck.Mysisterslookathimandthenbackatme
“I’mgoingtochange.”Iavoidthem.“AndwhenIcomeback,youcanfillmeinoneverything.”
“I’llgetsomecoffeegoing,”Shelbystates.
“Coffee!”Presleygasps.“We’rediscussingherdoomedwedding.Cuthersomeslack.”
“Fine,”Shelbysays,andIignorethemwhileIwalktothebedroom,stoppingandthenturningonthestep.
“Um,”Istarttosay,notsurehowtoaskifEdwardcametocollecthisthings.
“Gone,”Presleysays.“Threweverythinginablackgarbagebaganddroppeditoffonthehoodofhiscar.”Ijustnod,thenturntogochange.Iputonapairofyogapantsandgobackdownstairs.I’mnotreadytotakeLuke’sshirtoffyet.
“Okay.”Islapmyhandstogether.“TellmewhatImissed.”Isitdownonthecouchasmysisterscometositwithme.One’sholdingthreeshotglasses,andtheotheroneisholdingabottleofscotch.I’msurprisedthatIdon’teventakeoneshotwhiletheyfillmein.Peoplewereshockedtosaytheleast.Mymotherwasfurious,Edwardwascallingthemnonstop,andhisparentsthreatenedtosueusifthedepositswerenotreturned.Itwasanightmare,andthemoreandmoretheyspokeaboutit,theworsemyheadachebecame.Thephoneinmylapbeepedacoupleoftimes,andIavoidedlookingatitbecauseIthoughtitwasEdwardormymother.
“Areyougoingtobeokaytocometowork?”Shelbyasksquietlyaftertheystoptalkingfortenminutes.“Youdon’thavetobecauseyouwerealreadyscheduledoff.”
“WhatamIgoingtodo,sitathomeandwallow?”Ishakemyhead,puttingitbackdownonthecouch.
“Okay,soarewediscussingwhatwearegoingtotellpeople?”Presleyistheonetoask.
“Imean,wecanalwaysgowithhedidn’tsatisfyyousexually.”Shelbywinksatme.
“Orhisdickwastoosmall,”Presleyadds.“Washisdicksmall?”
“Hisdickwasfine,”Itellthem,feelingnumb.“Idon’tknowwhatIwanttotellpeople.”Iwipeawayatearthatescapes.“I’mpissedbecauseI’mnotevensad.I’mjusttired.I’memotionallydrained,yetIhavetoputasmileonmyfaceandpretendthatI’mthebadguy.”
“Youarenotthebadguy,”Shelbysays.
“WhatthehellamIgoingtosay?Hecheatedonmeandhadachild,”Isayangrily.
“Well,it’sthetruth.”Presleyshrugs.“Youaren’tlying.”
“Ican’tdothattothechild.IfIsaysomething,I’mabitch,butifIdon’tsaysomething,I’maselfishbitchforrunningoutonmyweddingday.”Ilookatbothofthem.“IneedoneofyoutocallEdwardandtellhimthatifhedoesn’treininhisparents,I’mgoingtohavenochoicebuttotellthemtherealreasonItookoff.”
“I’llvolunteerastribute.”Presleyholdsupherhandasmyphonebeepsagain,andIlookdownandseethatit’sLuke.
“IknowIshouldbetheonetodoit,”Iadmit,“butI’mjustnotreadytotalktohimorseehimyet.IfIdoseehim,Iwon’tbeabletoholdmyselftogetherenoughwithoutwantingtophysicallyassaulthim.”Igetupnow.“Withthatbeingsaid,Ineedashower.”
“OhmyGod,didhenothaveashower?”Presleyasks,puttingahandtoherchest,andIlaughather.
“Hedid,”Iassureher,walkingawaybutnotturningaround,justincasetheycanseeinmyeyesthatwesharedthewatereachandeverytime.
“Oh,Clarabella,”Presleysays,andIlookoverather.“Wewillbediscussingthiswholetaking-off-with-Lukeshit.”
“Idon’tknowwhatyoumean.Iwalkedoutandhadtoescape.Hewasthere.”
“Isthatyourstory?”Shelbygetsup,tiltingherheadtotheside.
“That’smystory,andI’mstickingtoit.”Ilookatbothofthem,whosharealookbeforetheywalkoutthefrontdoor.Idragmyassupthestairs,goingstraightforthebathroom.Ipeelhisshirtfrommybodyandstepintotheshower.
WhenIgetout,Isliponapairofshortsandamatchingtanktop.Myphonerings,andIseethatit’sLuke.Ilookdownatthephone,andIwanttoanswerit,butI’mnotgoingtolie,I’mscaredofwhatheisgoingtotellme.Theminutethephonerings,thephonepings,andIseeit’satextfromEdward,soIturnmyphonedownonthecounter.Whenasoftknockcomesfromthedoor,mywholebodygoestense.Iwalkthroughthehouse,tippy-toeingtothefrontdoor.IlookoutthepeepholeandseeLukethere,soIturnthelockandopenthedoor.He’swearingawhiteT-shirtwithdarkbluejeans.Hishairlookslikehejustgotoutoftheshowerandranhisfingersthroughit.Hisscruffisuntouchedfromthismorning.
Hestandsthereinthemiddleoftheporch,andmyheartgoestomythroat.Hisblueeyeslightupwhenheseesme.“Hi,”Imumble.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”
“Figuredyouwouldn’tmakeyourselfsomethingtoeat.”Heholdsupthebrowntakeoutbag.“AndthenIbroughtthisjustincase.”Heholdsupabottleofscotch,andIcan’thelpbutlaugh.“Icalledyou,”hesays,andIcantellhe’snervous.“Butyoudidn’tanswerme,andIdon’tknowwhybutIdecidedtojustshowup.”
“Youtookahellofagamble,”Ireply,leaningonthedoorjamb.I’mnotevengoingtojustifythewaymyheartisracingorthefactthatIcan’thelpthesmileonmyface.IalsoamnotjustifyingthatthisisexactlywhatIneededaftertoday.
“I’magamblingman.”Hesmirksatme,andmystomachfuckingflutters.“MayIenter?”
“Idon’tknow.”Ifoldmyarmsovermychest.“Dependsonwhat’sinthebag.”Ipointatthepaperbag.“Andifitwilltastejustasgoodreheated?”Hetakestwostepsin,kickingthedoorclosedbehindhimbeforeturningmeandpushingmeagainstthedoor.
“Hi,”hesaysrightbeforehismouthfindsmine.Histongueslidesintomymouth,andmyhandsroamoverhischest.Heletsgoofmylipstoask,“WherecanIputthese?”
“Kitchen.”Ipointovertothekitchen,andhewalksovertoputthebagandthescotchonthecounter.“Letmeshowyouaround,”Isuggest,knowinginmyheadthereisonlyoneplaceIwanttoshowhim,andthat’smybedroom.Iwalktohim,grabbinghishandandturningtowalkupthestairs,wigglingmyhipsabitmorethanIshould.“Thisismybedroom,”Isayandfeelhimbehindme,holdingmyhipsinhishands.Hebendshisheadandattacksmyneck.Myhandcomesuptohishead.
Iturnmyhead,watchinghimkissmyneck.“Youhaveanicebedroom.”Heturnsmearoundtofacehim.Myhandgripsthebottomofhisshirt,andIpullitoverhishead.Hishandsgotothespaghettistrapsofmytanktop,peelingthemdownmyarms.Mytitsspringfreeashebendstotakeanippleinhismouth.Iclosemyeyesashebacksmeupagainstmydresser,onlystoppingwhenmyasshitsit.Hepicksmeup,placingmyassonmydresser.Mywholebodyisonfirefromhistoucheventhoughhebarelytouchedme.
“Imissedyoutoday.”Hisfaceisburiedinmyneckbeforehemoveshishandsdown,peelingmyshortsoffme.Hishandaroundmywaistpicksmeup,placingmybareassbackdownonthecooldresser.“It’scrazy,right?”hesays,gettingtohiskneesandcomingface-to-facewithmypussy.Hesucksmyclitintohismouth,andmybackfallsagainstthewallasIputonefootonthedresserandtheotheronhisshoulder.“It’sfuckingcrazy,”hequizzes,andatthispoint,withhistongueonme,Ican’tevenfocusonanythingelse.“Youaresowetforme,”hesays,lickinguphisfingers,andmyhandgrabshishair,wantingtokeephimrightthere.“Allday.”Heslideshistwofingersinsidemeashesucksmyclit.Hisfingersmovesofast,andIcan’thelpbutmoan.“Ican’tgetenoughofyou.”Hiseyeslookupatmeashistongueflicksmyclit.“Ican’twait,”headmits,standingandkissingme.Itastemyselfonhimasmyhandsgotothebuttonofhisjeans.“Putmeinyou,”hesayswhenhiscockspringsfreeafterIpushdownhispantsandboxers.“Ineedtobeinsideyou.”
“Ineedyouinsideme,too,”Iagree,grippinghiscockinmyhandandjerkinghimtwicebeforerubbingitupanddownmyslit.
“Fuck,”hehissesoutwhentheheadofhiscockslidesintome.“Iwasgoingtogoslowwithyou.”
“Later.”Hestopstolookatme.“Roundtwocanbeslow.”
“Isthatso?”heasks,slidinginsidemejustatouchmore.“Andhowisroundonegoingtobe?”Helickshisthumbandrubsmyclit,andIswearI’mgoingtocryoutinecstasy.“Youlikethat?”Hedoesthecircleagain.“Icanfeelyousqueezeme.”AllIcandoisnodbecauseI’mafraidI’llcryoutifhedoesn’tstarttomove.
“Luke.”Ipantouthisnameinawhisper.
“Yeah,baby?”Helooksintomyeyes.
“More.”That’stheonlythingIcansay,andhelooksdownathiscockhalfwayinme.
“Tellme,”hesays,andIbitemylowerlip,tryingtocontrolmyself.
“Ijustneedyoutoslamintomeandmakemecome,”Ireply,tryingtomovemyhips.
“Yougoingtowatch?”Helooksdownathiscockasheslidesintomesomemore.Hiscockisnowhalfburied.“Yourpussyissotight.”Myeyesfixateonthewayhe’sslowlyslidingintomeuntilhe’sburiedallthewayin.Webothmoanashepullsallthewayoutuntilthetipofhiscockslidesout,andthenthistime,heslamsrightintome.
“Likethat?”heasksasherepeatsthemoveoverandoveragain.MyhandmovestothemiddleofmylegsasIstarttoplaywithmyclit.“Youarealmostthere,”hesays.Thesoundofskinslappingisnowfillingtheroomlouderthanthetwoofuspanting.“Yougetsofuckingtight,”hegritsbetweenclenchedteeth.“Icanbarelypullout.”Ican’tlookawayfromhiscock,andwhenIknowI’mcoming,Ifinallyclosemyeyesandyellhisname.“Fuck,onemorebeforeIcome,”heorders,poundingintomeoverandoveragainasIcome.Hegrabsmynippleinhismouth,bitingdownonitandmakingmecomeagain.IwishIcouldclosemylegstostophimfrommoving.“I’mthere,”hesays.
“Mymouth,”Isay,pushinghimoffmeasIpushoffthedresserandfalltomyknees.Itakehiscockintomymouthjustashecomesrightdownmythroat.Chapter21
Luke
“Holyshit.”Thosearetheonlytwowordsthatcancomeoutofmymouthatthismoment.I’mactuallyafraidthatmykneesaregoingtogiveoutandI’mgoingtofalltothefloor.
“Thatwas,”Clarabellastates,whileshestillsucksmycock,jerkingitacouplemoretimes.“Exactlywhatthedoctorordered.”Shelooksupatmeasshedropsmycockfromherhand.Mycockcriesoutinprotest,wantingtoimmediatelygetbackintoher.Shegetsupfromherknees,theonlythingsheiswearingisthetanktoparoundherwaist.
Ileaninandkissherlips.“Whereisthebathroom?”Iask,andshepointsatthedoorinthecorner.
“Youwantmetocomewithyou?”sheasksandwinkswhileshepullsuphertanktop.
“IthinkI’mgood,”Ireply,walkingtothebathroomandnotbotheringtoclosethedoor.“Areyouhungry?”Iturnonthewaterandhearherlaughter.
“Isthatcodeforyouwantmetosuckyourdick?”Ihearhervoicecomingcloserandclosertothebathroom.“BecauseIthinkIjustdidthat.”Sheleansagainstthedoorjamb.“AndIthinkyouatedessertaswell.”
Ifinishcleaningupandwalktoher.Theneedtokeepkissingherisbecomingvery,veryfuckingstrong,justliketheneedtoseeheragaintoday,eventhoughIknewthatIshouldgivehersomespace.Ijustcouldn’t.Plus,whenshedidn’tanswerme,IhatedtothinkshewasfeelingdownandIwasn’tthere.“Isthatayes,you’rehungry,orano,you’refull?”
“Ihaven’teatenanythingbesidesdicktoday,”shesays,andIcan’thelpbutlaugh.Islipmyhandinhers,turningtowalkoutofherbedroomandheadtothekitchen.“Don’tyouneedashirt?”Ilookovermyshoulderather.“What?”sheasks,walkingdownthesteps.“Ijustdon’twantyoutogetburnedinmyhouseandthensueme.”
“I’msurewecancometosomesortofarrangement.”IkissherneckasIgetthepaperbag.“Now,beforewespendthenightmakingoutonyourcouch.”
Shethrowsherheadbackandlaughsatme.“Isthatwhatyouthinkwearegoingtodo?”
“It’snotwhatIthinkwearegoingtodo.It’swhatIknowwearegoingtodo,”Iassureher.“Howdoesanicegrilledsalmonandvegetablemedleysound?”Iask,andshejustlooksatme.
“Ilovewhenyoutalkdirtytome,”shesays.“WhatcanIdotohelp?”
“Youcansityoursweetassonthatstoolandtellmeaboutyourday,”Isuggest.“Maybehaveaglassofwine.”
“Listen,ifyouaregoingtokeeptalkingdirtytome,Imighthavetotakeoffallmyclothes.”Shewalksovertooneofthecupboards,grabbingtwoglassesandplacingthemonthecounternexttome.
“Ifyoutakeoffyourclothes,wereallyarenevergoingtoeat,”Iadmitasshecomesoverandgrabsabottleofwinefromthefridge,thenpullsoutthecork.ShestandsjustcloseenoughtomeformetoleanoverandkissthefreckleonherbackthatIlovesomuch.
“Youalwayskissmeonthesamespot.”Shelooksoveratmeasshepoursaglassofwhitewine.
“Youhaveafreckle,”Isay,kissingthespotagain.“Itcallstome.”Ismirkather,andshebringsthewineglasstoherlips.
“Icanhearsomethingelsecallingforyou,”shesays,andthistime,it’smyturntolaugh.
“Go.”Ipointatthechair,andshekissestheunderneathofmychin.
“Fine,”shehuffs,pouringaglassofwineformeandthengrabbingthebottletogositdown.“Sohowdiditgowithyoursisters?”Iask,andIseethechangeinhereyes.“ForgetIasked.It’sreallynotmybusiness.”
“Didyougototherestauranttoday?”shequestions.Inod,grabbingapanandturningawayfromher.Ihopeshedoesn’tseethatitbothersmethatsheisn’tsharingwithme.“Whatisthewordonthestreet?”
Iputthepanonthestove.“Thereissomechatteraboutthewedding,”Ianswerherhonestly.“ButIdidn’task.”
“Whatsortofchatter?”sheasks,andIknowitbothersherjustfromhertone.
“Thatyoutookoff,”Isay,makingsurethattheheatishighenoughbeforeturningandstartingontheveggies.“It’slikethetownsecretastowhy.”
Sherollshereyesnow.“Oh,herewego.”
Hatingtoseehowmuchitbothersher,Imakesuretochangethesubject.“Ifitmakesyoufeelbetter,”IsayasIsliceanddice,“theystartedasidebetaboutPresley.”
Sheclapsherhands.“Iwantinonthatone.”Sheraisesherhand.
“It’stwenty-fivetoonethatshemakesitdowntheaislethefirsttime.”IlookupatherasIaddsaltandpeppertothetopofthesalmon.
“Outofallofus,she’stheonlyonewhoisactuallygoingtomakeitdowntheaislethefirsttime,”shesays,takinganothersipofherwineasIaddthesalmoninthepan.
“She’snotevendatinganyone.”Ichuckle.
“No,butshe’sinlovewithBennett,andhe’sinlovewithher.”Istandhereshockedatthisnews.“It’ssupposedtobeasecret,butanyonewhospendstenminuteswiththemcanseeit.”
“Nokidding,”Iagree,shocked,andfortherestofthemeal,neitherofustalksaboutanythingbutherwould-bewedding.
Thetwoofusworksidebysidecleaningup.Everytimeshepassesme,herhandgoesfrommybacktomyass.Hertouchwassosoft.IfIwasn’tlookingather,Iwouldn’tbelieveithappened.JustlikewhenIwalkedpastherasshewasdryingthedishes,Istoodbehindherandpushedmycockintoherass.Atouchforatouchishowthegamewasplayeduntilwecouldn’twaitonemoreminute,andIbentheroverthestairsandhadmywaywithher.Thetwoofuscollapsedintobednotlongafter.
Thesoundofaringingphonewakesmeup.“Ugh,whattimeisit?”Iask,lookingovertotherightfindingthesideofthebedempty.Ihearthephoneagain.Lookingoveratthedoor,Ihearthatit’scomingfromdownstairs.“Clarabella?”IsayhernameandthenhearthesoundoftheshoweratthesametimeasIhearthedoorbellring.“Whatintheworld?”Ilookoveratmyownphoneatthesidetable,seeingit’sjustafterseveno’clock.
Irubmyhandsovermyface.Thesoundofherphoneringsagain,andIreachformyjeans.I’mpullingthemovermyhipswhenthedoorbellringsagain.“Holyshit,”Icurse,buttoningmyjeansasIwalkdownstairs.Thebellringsagain,andsodoesherphone.“OhmyGod,”Isay,unlockingthefrontdoorandswingingitopen.
“Whatthehell?”Edwardsays,standingtherewearingjeansandashirt.“Whothefuckareyou?”
“Me?”Isay,shocked.“Whatthefuckareyoudoinghere?”
“Myfiancéeliveshere,”hereplies,andIjustlaughathim.Mywholebodyfillswithangerseeinghimstandingthereatherfrontdoor.“Clarabella!”heshoutshernameovermyshoulderbecausethereisnowayI’mlettinghiminthedoor.
“Ithinkit’sagoodideaifyougetthefuckoutofhere,”Igrowlthroughclenchedteeth.“Before.”
“Beforewhat,youimbecile?”Hetakesastepclosertome.
“OhmyGod.”IhearClarabellafrombehindme.“Whatthehellareyoudoinghere?”Shepushesmeoutoftheway,standinginfrontofme.Herhairiswrappedinatowelassheholdstherobesheiswearingclosed.
“WhatthefuckamIdoinghere?”Edwardhissesather,hisfacegettingred.“WhatthefuckamIdoinghere?”Hepointsathischest.“Whatthefuckishedoinghere?”
“Thatisnoneofyourbusiness,”shesaystohim.
Hethrowshisheadbackandlaughs.“YouaredoingthistogetbackatmebecauseofLouise.”Heshakeshishead.
“Yeah,becausetheonlywayIwouldsleepwithhimisbecauseyouweresleepingwithLouise.”Shesnorts.“Idiot.Youneedtoleave.”
“I’mnotleavinguntilyoutalktome,”heresponds,andshejustnodsherhead.
“Finebyme.”Shegrabsthedoor.“Butifyoudon’tgetoffmystepinoneminute,I’mcallingthepoliceandtellingthemthatthereisanintrudertryingtobreakin.”
Shetakesanotherstepintothehouseandslamsthedoorshutinhisface.“Clarabella.”Hepoundsonthedoor.
“Fiftyseconds,Edward,andtrustme,itwouldgivemegreatpleasuretoseeyoucartedawayinhandcuffs.”Sheturnstolookintothepeephole.“Forty-fiveseconds!”sheshouts.“Lyingsackofshit,”shemumbles.“Thirtyseconds!”sheshoutsyetagain.“Ican’twaittoseeyourmugshot.”Shepushesawayfromthedoor.
“Ishegone?”Iask,andshejustlooksatme.
“Whatthehellwereyouthinking?”Sheglaresatme,andI’mstandinghereshocked.“Whywouldyouanswerthedoorwithyourshirtoff?”Shestormspastme.
“Youhavegottobekiddingme,”Isay.“Howisanyofthismyfault?”Mystomachburnsassheslamsthecupboarddoor.“Iwassleepingwhenyourphonestartedgoingoffandthenthedoorbell.”
“Andyouthought,letmegodownstairsandanswerthedoor.”Shelaughsbitterly,andmystomachsinksasIwatchhermakehercoffee.“Youdidn’teventhinkthat,Idon’tknow,maybeIshouldn’tanswerherdoor?”Sheturns,andIcanseetheangerinhereyes.She’spissedthatshegotcaughtwithme.
“Youarecompletelyright,”Iagree,turningandjoggingupthestairstograbmyshirtandphonefromthesidetable.Thewholetime,mybodyisshakingwithanger.Ijogbackdownthesteps,seeingherinthemiddleofthekitchenwithherheadhangingdown.Howthefuckdidthelastcoupleofdaysgofrombeingthebestdaysofmylife,andthenintheblinkofaneye,it’sallover?Poof.Gone.Inablinkofaneye.“I’llseemyselfout.”Idon’tevenwaitforhertosayanythingbeforeIstormoutofthehouse,slammingthedoorbehindme.Chapter22
Clarabella
“Whatthehelljusthappened?”IasktheemptyroomandmyselfasIlookaround.Iwokeupthismorninginhisarmsandslippedouttotakeashower.WhenIgotoutoftheshower,Iheardthebell,butthenIthoughtitwasjustmyimaginationuntilIheardyelling.Ican’tevenputintowordshowIfeltwalkingdownthestairsandseeingLukeandEdwardfaceoff.Mystomachlurchedintomythroat,andIthoughtIwasgoingtobesickalloverthestairs.Myfeetmovedbeforemyheadcouldprocesswhatwasgoingon.
DidIthinkEdwardwouldshowupatmyhouse?No,Ididnot.DidIthinkthatLukewouldanswerthedoorinjustjeans?No,Ididnot.Wasitapparentthathespentthenighthere?Youbetyourassitwas.ShouldIcarethatEdwardsaw?No.DoIcarethatEdwardsaw?No.DoIcarethatsomeoneelsesaw?YoubetyourassIdo.
Thephonebeepsonthecounter,andIfinallygrabitlookingdownandseethatit’sEdward.Idon’tevenbotheropeningthetextbeforegoingupstairsandgettingdressed.Thebedcoversarethrownallovertheplace,andIcanstillsmellLukeintheroom.Idon’tevenbothermakingmybedbeforesteppingintothewalk-incloset.Igrabmyone-piece,sleevelesspantsuit,tyingitatthetopofmyneckandthenputtingagoldbeltonwithgoldsandals.Iblow-drymyhairquickly,tuckingitbehindmyearononesidebeforegrabbingmypurseandphone.Iwalkoutofthehouse,andmyheartsinks,seeingthathistruckisn’there.Whichisstupidsinceheleft.“Whatdidyouthinkwasgoingtohappen?”IaskmyselfasIgetintomycar.“Thathewouldbewaitingforyouafteryoushitonhimfordoingabsolutelynothing.”
Istopforcoffeeonmywaytotheoffice,andIgettherelaterthanInormallydo.IputmysunglassesontopofmyheadasIpullopenthedoor.Ilookaround,seeingthatnooneislurking,andItrytosneakinwithoutmysistersaskingmequestions.“Youlooklikeshit,”PresleystateswhenItakefivestepstowardmyoffice,andshestandsinherdoorway.“Whatisupwithyouguysandlookinglikeshitafteryournon-weddings?ThisiswhyI’mnevergettingmarried.”Irollmyeyesatthatlastcomment.
“IknowwhyIlookedlikeshit,”Shelbysays,pointingatherselfasshestandsinfrontofmewithacupofcoffeeinherhand.
“Andwhywasthatagain?”Itrytogetthefocusoffmeandontoliterallyanythingelseatthispoint.
“IwasbangingAce,andIwantedtocontinuetodoit,butwesaidoncewegothome,itwouldstop.”Shetakesasipofhercoffee,smirking.“What’syourexcuse?”shetiltsherheadtothesideandasksme.
“Foundoutmyfiancéhadakidwithsomeoneelse.”Iwalkpasthertomyoffice,hopingthattheydon’tfollowme,butthenagain,I’manidiotbecausethereisnowayIwouldn’tfolloweitherofthem.
“Arewestillharpingonthat?”Presleysays,comingintomyofficeandgoingstraightforthechairandsittingdown.
“It’sbeenthreedays,”Ireply,annoyedatthem.“Shelbytookaweek.”IpointatShelbywhowalksintotheofficeandgoestositnexttoPresley.
“AndIseewearestillinmourning.”Shelbypointsatmeandmyoutfit.“Whichiswhyyouarestillinblack.”
“OhmyGod,”Isay,pullingoutthechairbehindmydeskandsittingdown.“Don’twehaveanythingelsetodo?”
“No.”Presleyshakesherhead.
“Same,”Shelbysays,andIlookupattheceiling.“It’llbeeasierandfasterforeveryoneifwecancuttothechaseofthebullshit.”Ijuststareather.“Wesawyouyesterday,andyoudidn’tlooklikethis.”
“Yeah,youhadthissortofglow,”Presleyshares,raisinghereyebrowsasshelooksatme.“Mustbeallthatfreshair.”SheturnsnowtolookatShelby.“Youhadtheglowbecauseofthesun.Shehadherglowbecauseofthefreshair.”
“Ihadtheglowfromthesex.”Shelbylaughsandthenstopsmidlaughwhenshethinksaboutwhatshesaidandlooksatme.“YousleptwithLuke!”Shegasps,pointingatmewithhermouthhangingopenasifshejustsolvedtheworld’sbiggestmystery.
“Can’tputnothingpastthisone,”Presleydeadpans.“She’slikeSherlockHolmes.”
“Youknew?”Shelbyshrieks,hittingPresley’sarm.
“Thequestionis,howdidn’tyou?”Presleyshakesherhead.“Hegotthere,andtheybothhadthisglow,andhewaswalkingwithaskipinhisstepfromhisballsbeingdrained.Almostlikeaballetdancer.”
Iholdupmyhand.“Canwenotdothisrightnow?”Isay.“Ihavehadquitethemorning,andit’snotevennine.”Theybothlookatme,andIknowthatifIwantthemtobegone,Ihavetojustgetitoverwith.“Edwardshowedupatmyhousethismorning.”
“Calledit,”Presleygloats,holdingoutherhandtoShelby.“Youowemefiftybucks.”
“Shutup.”Shelbypushesherhandawayfromher.“Ithoughthewouldrespectherwishes.”
“Likeherespectedherenoughnottofucksomeoneontheside.”Presleythrowsherheadbackandlaughs.“Theguyisaliarandafraud.Howcanyoutrustanythinghesays?Don’tpissonmylegandtellmeit’sraining.”Shefoldsherarmsoverherchest.
“Howdidthatgo?”Presleyaskswithasoftvoice.
“Well,consideringLukeansweredthedoorwithonlyhispantson…”Iputmythumbsonmytemples.“Itdidnotgowell.”
“Holdthephone.”Presleyleansforwardasifshedidn’thearwhatIjustsaid.“DidyoujustsayLukeansweredyourdoorwithpantson?”
“Ibelieveshesaidonlyhispantson.”Shelbyputsinhertwocents.“Sohewasshirtless.”
“Andatwhattimewasthis?”Presleyasks.
“NowlookwhothinkstheyareSherlockHolmes.”Ilookupattheceiling,andIjusthavetocomeoutwithit.“Iwasintheshower,”Istart,andnowbothofthemarelookingatmewithshockedlooks.“WhenIcameout,Iheardthebell,butIwaslikeitcan’tbe,whothehellringssomeone’sdoorbellatseveno’clockinthemorning?”
“Anarcissist,”Shelbysays,andIjustlookather.“Sorry,goon.IntheshowerwhileLukeisinyourbednaked.Gotit.”
“Iheardshouting,andwhenIwalkeddownthestairs,theretheywere.”Ithrowupmyhands.“Face-to-face,bothofthemshoutingattheother.”
“OhmyGod,”Presleysayswithgleeassheclapsherhands.“ThisissomuchbetterthanIthought.”
“Whathappenedthen?”Shelbyasks,allintrigued.
“ThenItoldEdwardthatifhedidn’tleave,Iwouldcallthecops.”
“Whydoesitsoundlikeyouareleavingsomethingout?”Shelbyinquires.
“Becausesheis.”Presleyjuststaresatme.“Whathappenedafterthat?”
“Well,IsortofyelledatLuke,”Imumble,avoidinglookingatthem.“Andthenhestormedout.”
“YousortofyelledatLuke?”theybothsayatthesametime.“Whatthehelldidhedowrong?”
“Heansweredthedoor.”Igetup,needingtomove.“Whodoesthat?”Ilookatmysisters,andtheybothstarebackatme.“Like,whywouldheeventhinkofansweringmydoor?”
“Thedoorbellrang,”Presleysays.“Whatdidyouwanthimtodo?”
“Nothing,”Ianswer.“Iwantedhimtostayinbedandletmehandleit.”
“ButdidheknowthatEdwardwascomingover?”Shelbyasks,andIglareathermidstep.“I’mjustasking.”
“Holdononesecond,”Presleyadds.“Areyoumadbecauseheansweredthedoor,orareyoumadbecausehewenttoe-to-toewithEdward?”Sheshakesherhead,leaningbackintothecouch.“BecauseI’malittleconfusedhere.”
“Iwasgoingtogetmarriedthreedaysago!”Ishoutatthem.“NowIhavethisnakedmanansweringmydoor.”
“Sowhat?”Shelbysays.“Whatdifferencedoesthatmakewhoanswersyourdoor?Youdon’thavetoanswertoanyone.”
“Sowhat?”Myvoicegoeslouderandlouder.“Sowhat?Myneighborscouldhaveseenhim.I’malreadythetopicatthedelicounter.YoureallythinkIwantedtoaddtoit?”
“Ithinkthatyoushouldn’tgiveashitwhatanyonethinks,”Presleydeclares,gettingup.“Butthatisjustme.DidyoudiscussthiswithLuke?”
“No,”Isay,myvoicegoingsoft.“Hestormedout.”
“Oh,shit,”Shelbysays.“Youknowwhatthismeans,don’tyou?”Shegetsup,leavingmehanging.“Youhavetogoandapologize.”
“Forwhat?”Ithrowmyhandsintheair.
“Forbeingadickhead,”Presleypointsout,shakingherheadandwalkingout.“Ididnotexpectthisfromyou.”
“Yeah.”Shelbynods.“SheexpecteditmorefrommesinceI’manalabouteverything,butyou…”
“Iwasnotbeingadickhead,”Isayindefense.
“Youwerebeinganasshole,then.”Shelbytriestofindanotherword.“Putyourselfinhisshoes.”
“Idon’twantto.”Ipout,thestubbornsidecomingout.
“Whatwouldyousayifyouwereathishouseandhisex-whatevercametothedoor,andyouansweredit,andthenhegotmadatyou.”Iopenmymouthtosaysomethingandthencloseit.
“Canyoutwogetoutofmyoffice?”Ipointatthedoor,andtheybothlaugh
“Arewenotdiscussingthatyouhadsexwithhimonyourwould-beweddingnight?”Shelbyasks,notsureifsheshouldwalkoutornot.“Wereyoudrunk?”
“No,”Iadmittoher.“Imean,Idrankabit,butIwasn’tdrunk.”
“Letmeknowhowittastes!”Presleyshoutsfromthehallway,andIjustwalkoverandstickmyheadout.
“Howwhattastes?”Ilookather,confused.
“Whenyoueatcrow.”Shelaughsandstartstowalkawayfromme.
“Ihateher,”ImumbletoShelby,whoisrollingherlipstokeepfromlaughing.“Andyou,too,getthefuckout.”
“Gladly,”sheagrees,walkingovertothedoor.“Justfortomorrow,willwebehavinganothermeetingtotellyouhowwrongyouareoris,like,thisthelasttime?”Iflipherthebird.“Sotomorrowitis.”
Iwalkovertothedoorandslamitafterthem,andIcanhearlaughingwhentheintercomgoesoff.“Wasthatwhatitsoundedlikewhenheleft?”Presley’svoicefillsmyoffice.
Idon’tanswerher.Instead,myheadjusthitsthedesk.“Holyshit,”Imumble.“Theymightjustberight.”
“Weareright.”Shelby’svoicefillsmyofficenow.“Isuggestluringhimwithsex.”Iclosemyeyes,prayingthattheyjuststoptalkingrightnow.IspendthewholedaylookingoutmywindowandwonderinghowthefuckI’mgoingtohandlethis.Chapter23
Luke
Iparkmytruckinthedriveway,gettingoutandslammingthedoorbehindme.ThesunisjustgoingdownasIjogupthetwostepstothefrontdoor.Unlockingthedoor,Igrabthemaillyingonthedoormatbeforewalkinginandkickthedoorshutwithmyfoot,tossingmykeysandphoneontothetablebythefrontdoor.Idon’tturnonanylightsasImakemywayfromtheentrywaypastthekitchenandfinallytothebackroomwheremybedroomis.
IkickoffmyshoesbeforereachingbehindmetopullmyT-shirtoffasIstarttheshower.I’vebeeninabadmoodsinceIwalkedoutofClarabella’sthismorning.Imean,Ididn’texactlywalkout.It’smorelikeIstompedoutlikeachild,evenslammingthedoorbehindme.IknewtheminuteIgotbehindmywheelandtookoffthatImadeamistake.Ishouldhavediscusseditwithher.Ishouldhaverelaxedforaminute.Butthethoughtthatshedidn’twanttobeseenwithmejusthithomeinmorewaysthanone,andIjustcouldn’tescapeit.
WhenIpulleduptotherestaurant,Mikaelawastherehavingcoffee,andthedayjustturnedshittierandshittierasthehourswentby.Iwanttosaythatitwaseveryoneelsewhowastheproblem,butitwasallme.Anditdidn’tgetanybetterbecauseIkeptcheckingmyphone,wonderingifshewasgoingtotextmeorcallme,butitwasradiosilence.Therewasnomissedcall,notext,nonothing,anditjustateawayatme.
Theshowerdoesn’tevenhelp,andwhenIwalkintothekitchentwentyminuteslater,I’mwearingjustgymshorts.Iturnonthetelevision,puttingitonSportsCenterbeforewalkingtothekitchenandpullingopenthefridge.“Fuck,”IhisswhenIfinditempty.I’mabouttowalkovertothephoneandordersomethingwhenIhearasoftknockonthedoor.Ilookoveratthedoor,notsureifitwasactuallyaknock,whenIhearitagain.Idon’tevenbothercheckingtoseewhoitisbeforeIswingopenthedoor,andmyheartstopsinmychest.Ormaybeitstarts,butwhateveritis,Ifeelasenseofcalmnessrunthroughmeasshestandstherewearingablackoutfit.
“Hi,”shesays,standingtherenervouslyasshesmilesshyly.“Icomebearingapeaceoffering.”Hervoicecracksatfirstassheholdsupabottleofscotchinonehand.“Andfiguredthatfoodwouldsweetenthedeal.”Sheholdsupthebrownbagintheotherhand.Istandhereinfrontofher,holdingthedoor,andallIcanthinkisthatshegotevenmorebeautifulsinceIsawherthismorning.“CanIcomein?”Hereyesshine,andIseehereyesblinkingfuriouslyassheblinksawaytears.
Idon’tsayanythingtoherbecausetheonlythingIwanttodoisyankhertomeandwrapmyarmsaroundherandjustbewithher.Butinstead,Imoveoutoftheway,givingherthespacesheneedstowalkinside.Theminuteshestepsinside,Ihurriedlyclosethedoorbehindher,makingsureshecan’tleave.Shedoesn’tmovefrombesideme.“Hi,”shesayssoftly,andIcansmellherlavenderscent,andmyhandsitchtoholdherhand.
“Hi,”Igreetjustassoftlytoherstandinginfrontofme,myhandcominguptocupherfacewithouteventhinkingaboutit.Ibendmyheadtokissherlipsgently.Idon’tknowifsheisgoingtokissmeback,butIcouldn’tgoanotherminutewithoutkissingher.Myhanddropsfromherfaceasshelooksupatme.
“I’msorry.”Thosetwowordsmakealltheangerjustmeltaway.Herevenshowinguphere,Idon’tevenrememberwhyIwasmadtobeginwith.NordoIcare.
MyhandslidesaroundherwaistasIpullherevencloser.“Me,too.”MyvoiceisbutawhisperbeforeIkissheragain.Thistime,mytonguecomesoutandslideswithhersroundandrounduntilwearebothbreathless.“Comein.”MyhandfallsfromherasIwalkherintothehouse.
“Iwentbytherestauranttoseeifyouwerethere,”shesayswhenwebothstandbytheislandinthekitchen,andIlookoverather.“Mikaelasaidshekickedyouout.”
“Shedidn’texactlykickmeout.”Irollmyeyes,andhereyebrowsgoup.“Okay,fine,shekickedmeout,”Iconfirm,andshelaughs.“ItseemsIwasanegativeNancy.”Ipulloutastoolforhertositon.Shesitsonthestool,andIwalkoverandgrabtwoglassesforthescotchbeforesittingnexttoher.“Whatdidyoubring?”Iask,lookingoveratthebrownbag.
“Burgers,”shesays,grabbingthebrownbagandputtingherhandinit,takingoutonecontainerandhandingittome.“Ifigureditwasasafebet.”
Igrabthecontainerfromher,andIcan’thelpbutleanforwardtokissherlips.“It’ssafe.”Thistime,sheistheonewholeansintomeforanotherkiss,buthertongueslidesinwithmine,andIcan’thelpbutturnandgrabher.Iopenmylegs,pullingthestoolinthemiddleofthem.
“Weshouldtalk,”Isaywhensheletsgoofmylips,andshenodsherhead.
“Weneedtotalkaboutwhatisgoingtohappengoingforward,”sheshares,lookingdownatherhands.
“Iagree.”Itakeherhandinmine.“IjustwanttosaythatIwanttobewithyou.”MyheartspeedsupinmychestasIadmititoutloud.
Sheisveryquiet,andshejustlooksupatme.“Who’stosayyouwon’ttakeoffagain?”sheasks,andIknowthatshehasavalidpointinbeingscared
“FromwhenIwasayoungkid,”Istart,“I’vealwaysbeentaughtthatnothinglastsforever.I’vealsobeentaughtthattheminuteyougetusedtosomethingoradmitthatyouwantsomething,theyturnaroundandshowyouthatnothingisguaranteed.It’swhyIneverhadaseriousrelationship.Itwasjusteasynottogetattached.It’swhytheonlyfriendsItrulyhaveareMikaelaandFrancoisinNewYork.”Shelooksdown,andherhairfallsinherface.Iputmyhandunderherchinandlifthereyestoseeme,tuckingherhairbehindherear.“Forthefirsttimeinmylife,I’veletmyselfwantsomething,”Iadmit.“Thefirsttimeweweretogether,itwaslikethiswholethingwasafuckingdream,andIhadthisvoiceinthebackofmyheadtellingmethatitwasamistake.”AsIadmitthistoher,thelumpinmythroatgrowsbiggerandbigger.MyheartbeatssofastIthinkit’sgoingtocomeoutofmychest.MyhandsaresofuckingsweatyIfeellikeIneedtowipethemdown.ButClarabellajustsqueezesmyhand,makingitfeellikeit’sokay.“I’veletmyguarddownwhenitcametoyou,andslowly,you’vecreptpastallthesedefenses,sotakingoffwastheonlythingthatIthoughtwouldberight.Butwiththatsaid,goingtoNewYorkwasalsoadreamcometrue,andIjustcouldn’tsaynotothat.”
“Iwouldneverwantyoutochoosemeoveryourcareer,”shesayssoftly,andIcanseethetinyteardropescapefromherrighteye.“Never.Iwouldnevertellyounottogoawayforsixmonthseither.AllIaskisthatyoujusttalktome.”
“Fairenough,andfortherecord,Ican’teventellyouhowsorryIam,”Isay,andthenIlayitalloutforher.“MyparentsneverthoughtIwouldamounttomuch.It’snotliketheywerethenurturingkind,andforsomecrazyreasonIcan’tevenexplaintomyself,Iwanttomakeanameformyself.IwanttobecomethebestpersonIcanbesothatIcansaylookatwhatIdid.It’sstupid,andit’ssickandtwisted,butthisisme.”Ismirkather.“Andifyougivemeachance,Ipromisetomakeituptoyou.”
“AllIaskofyouistotalktome,”shereaffirms,andInodmyhead.“Andthatgoesformealso.”Herhandcomesup,andsheholdsmyface.“Thismorning,IwasjustshockedthatEdwardshowedupand…”
“AndIshouldneverhaveansweredyourdoor,”Iadmit.“Itwasn’tmyplace.”
“Idon’twantpeopletothinkthatIjustranoffbecauseofyou,”sheadmits.“Idon’twantpeopletotalkmorethantheyare.”
“Andmeansweringyourdoorhalf-nakeddidn’thelp.”Ismilesadly.“Ipromiseifyouhavemeoveragain,Iwon’tanswerthedoor.”
Sheleansforwardandkissesmylips,andIcan’thelpit,butthenervessettle.“Howaboutforthenextlittlebit,wejustbemeandyou?”shesuggestssoftly.“Beforewetelltheworld.”
“I’lltakeyouanywayIcangetyou,”IsayasIturnmyfaceinherhandandkissthepalmofit.
“Okay,sonowthatItoldyouwhatIwantfromyou.”HervoiceissoftasIbringherhandtomylips,kissingherfingers.“Whatdoyouwantfromme?”
Ichuckle.“You,Ijustwantfuckingyou.”Chapter24
Clarabella
IlieinthemiddleofthebedonmystomachasIfeellittlebutterflykissesstartingonmynakedshoulder.“Morning,”Lukegrumblesfrombesidemeashekissesthefreckleonmybackthreetimesbeforeaskingme,“Doyouwantcoffee?”
“Whattimeisit?”Iask,sinkingdeeperintothebed.
“It’salittleafternine.”Ifeelthecoversmove,andIknowhe’sgottenoutofthebed.Iopenoneeyetowatchhisnakedasswalkovertothebathroom.“Ifeelyoustaring.”Helooksoverhisshoulderandchuckles.“Wantmetocomebacktobed?”
“Yes,”Igrumble.“Butfirst,gomakecoffee.”
Helooksaroundmyroomnow.“Isitsafetogodownstairsinjustmyboxers,orwillIcomeface-to-facewithoneofyoursistersagain?”Hepicksuphisboxersfromthefloorwherehetossedthemlastnight.
“It’safifty-fiftychance.”Iturnoveronmybacknow,holdingthesheettomychest.“Butifitmakesyoufeelbetter,I’vealreadyseenAce’sjunk.”Fromthelookonhisface,thisdoesnotmakehimfeelbetteratall.
Hejuststaresatme.“Whywouldthatmakemefeelbetter?”heasksasheputshisboxerson,andIcan’thelpbutlookathim.Hisbodyisperfectlysculpted,whichisduetohimliftingweightsandrunningfourtimesaweek.SomethingthatcameasashocktomewhenIwokeuponemorningandhewasgone,onlytoreturnasweatymessthirtyminuteslater.Imean,I’mnotgoingtocomplainaboutit,especiallysincehedraggedmetotheshowerandfuckedmeagainsttheshowerwall.
“Idon’tknow.”Ilaugh,grabbingoneofthethrowpillowsfromthefloorandputtingitbehindmyhead.“Youwerealittlefreakedoutacoupleofdaysagowhenmysistersawyourass.”Ipointathim.
“Wewerehavingsexonyourkitchentable.”Hethrowshishandsup.“Andtheyjustcamewaltzingin.Theydidn’tevenknock,orIdon’tknow,call.”
“IthinktherewassomescreamingandthenPresleyturnedandpushedShelbydown.”Irollmylips,thinkingaboutthescene.“Theywerealsonottheonlyonesyelling.”Iwinkathim,whichjustmakeshisjawtenseashebitesdown.
“Iwasmidorgasm.”Heglaresatme.
“Ibettheyneverdothatagain.”Ican’thelpthelaughthatescapesmymouth.
“Goodtoknow.”Heturnsandwalksoutofthebedroom.Ithrowthesheetoffmeandwalkintothebathroomtopeeandthenwashmyhandsandface.It’sbeentwoweekssincewe’vehadthetalkathishouse.Twoweekssinceeverythinghasgonedown,andbesidesmysisters,nooneknowsaboutus.Ican’tevenputintowordshoweasyitiswithus.We’vestartedtoalternatewherewestayatnight.Withourschedules,it’shardtospendthatmuchtimetogether.Heusuallygetsinlaterintheevening,butIalwayswaitupforhim.ThenI’mupearlyinthemorning,andhealwaysmakesitapointtogetupandhavecoffeewithmebeforegoingbacktobed.Iputmytoothbrushbackintheholderandseehistoothbrushnexttomine,andIcan’thelpbutsmile.
Walkingbackoutofthebathroom,Icontemplateputtingonarobeandjoininghimdownstairs,butIhearhimwalkingupthestairs.Hestopsatthedoorway,staringatmewithacupofcoffeeineachhand.Hisblueeyeslightupwhenhelooksatmefromheadtotoe.“Likewhatyousee?”
“No.”Hesmirks,walkingintotheroomandcomingstraightforme.“Idon’tthinklikeistheproperwordforit.”Hislipsfallonmine,andmywholestomachgetsbutterflies.
“Thankyou,”IsaywhenIgrabacupfromhishandandwalkbacktothebed,placingitonthenightstand.HefollowsmeandisabouttogetbackinbedwhenItiltmyhead.“Areyoucomingintobedwithclotheson?Whathappenedtoyourrulethatonemustalwaysbenakedinthebed?”
“Andthelivingroom,”headds,andIjustlaughasheslideshisboxersoffandthenslipsintothebednexttome.Hesitsupwithhisheadtotheheadboard.“Howwaslastnight?”heasksabouttheweddingthattookplace.Hegothomebeforeme,whichwasafirst,andwaswaitingformeassoonasIgothome.
“Itwaseventful.”Ifillhiminonthedrama.“Butit’sover.”Ileanoverandkisshisshoulder.“Whatareyourplansfortheday?”It’smyfirstdayoffintwoweeks,andIhopehehasnothingplannedsowecanspendthedaytogether.
“I’mgoingtohitupthefoodanddrinkfestival,”hereplies,takingasipofhiscoffee.
“Oh.”Isitupnow.“Iwanttogo.CanIcomewith?”Iask,andhejustsmiles.
“Iwashopingyouwouldsaythat.”Thesmilefillshisface,andthirtyminuteslater,wearebothgettingoutofbedandgettingdressed.IsliponbluejeanswithalightblueT-shirt,andwhenIwalkoutofthecloset,he’ssittingonthebedthatwemadetogether.
“Youlooknice,”hecompliments,gettingupandcomingtokissme.
“Rightbackatyou,”Isay,lookingathimwithhisblackjeansandawhiteshirt,Ileaninandkisshisneck.ThereisjustsomethingabouthimthatIalwayswanttokisshim.It’ssostrange,andI’mnotsureifit’snormalsinceI’veneverbeenthistouchy-feelybefore.
Wegettothefestival,andheparksasIlookovertowheretherowofwhitetentsaresetup.“Haveyoubeentothisfestivalbefore?”Iaskaswemakeourwaytowardtheentrance.
“Notthisone,”hesays.“ButIwenttooneinNewYork.”Mystomachgetstightwhenhesaysthat.TherearequestionsIwanttoaskhimaboutNewYork,especiallyaboutthegirlhewaswith,butIneverfeellikeit’smyplace.Imean,whoamItosayanything?Iwasengaged,forfuck’ssake.“Haveyou?”Helooksoveratme,andIjustshakemyhead.
Whenwegettotheentrance,apersonishandingoutthemaplayout.“Howdoyouusuallytacklethis?”heasks,andIjustlaugh.
“Iusuallyjustputonefootinfrontoftheotherandwalk.”Heshakeshisheadaswewalkpastthefirsttent,grabbingsomesamples.“Soifyouhadtochooseonemealfortherestofyourlife,whatwoulditbe?”IaskasIgrabawinesamplethatsomeonejusthandedtome.
“Probablysteakandpotatoes,”hesays.“Youcan’tgowrongwiththat.”Inod,andthenhetakesasipfromthewaterbottlehejustbought.“Whataboutyou?”
“Pizza.Handsdown,itwouldbepizza.”
“Really?”Hesmilesatme.“Iwasgoingtosaythat,butIthoughtyouwouldlaughatme.”
“WhywouldIlaughatyou?”Somanypeoplearebustlingaroundus,butthetwoofusareinourownworld.Wewalkalmostatasnail’space,takingourtimeenjoyingbeingoutinthesun.
“Well,I’machef,andallIcancomeupwithispizza,”hesaysasourfingersgrazeeachother’s,andmybellyflipsagain.It’sreallybecomingannoyingthatithappenseverysingletimehetouchesme.ImakeamentalnotetogooglehowlongitlastswhenIgethome.
“Butpizzaisamixofeverything,”Iobserveasourfingerstouchagain.Thistime,hispinkycomesoutandholdsmineforacoupleofsecondsbeforelettingitgo.“It’sgotcarbs,cheese,veggies,andmeat.Imean,youcan’tgowrong.”
“Exactly,”heagreesandthenlooksatme.“CanIholdyourhand?”heasks,andallIcandoissmileathim.AnotherthingI’veonlydonewithhimisI’mconstantlysmiling.Ornotconstantly,butthemajorityofthetimehe’saround,Ihaveasmileonmyface.
“Whywouldn’tyoubeabletoholdmyhand?”IaskasIslipmyhandintohis,andourfingersfoldtogether.
“Idon’tknow.Weareoutinpublic,”heremindsme,lookingdown.“Andwemayseepeopleyouknow.”
Ican’thelpbutstopthewaymyheartisbeatingatthefactthathesleepswithmeeverysinglenight,yethe’safraidtoholdmyhandinpublic.“Iwouldverymuchliketoholdyourhand,”Iconfirm,andheliftsourjoinedhandsuptohislipsashekissesmyfingers.
“SoIwasthinking,”hestarts,andIcantellhe’snervous.“Thatmaybeoneofthesedayswecangooutonadate.”
Irollmylipstokeepfromlaughing.“Isthatwhatyouwerethinking?”Iask,leaningclosertohim.Hisfingerunlocksfrommineashegentlyputshisarmaroundme,pullingmeclosertohim.“Idon’tknowaboutyou.”Islipmyownarmaroundhiswaist.“ButIconsiderthistobeadate.”
“Isthatso?”HelooksdownatmeasIlookupathimandnod.“Ifthisisadate,shouldIbeableto,Idon’tknow,saykissyou?”
“Idon’tknowtherulesofDating101.”Itrynottolaugh.“ButIthinkthereshoulddefinitelybesomekissing.”
“Iagreewiththat.”Henodshishead,andwearen’tevenpayingattentiontoanyofthetentswe’repassingby.
We’refixatedoneachother,ourfeetmovingatthesametime.“Whatelseisthereonadate?”Iask.
“Imean,ifit’sagooddate,thereshouldbesomemakingoutinthecar.”Inodwhenhesaysthis.
“It’salwaysagooddatewhenthereissomeheavymakingoutinthecar.”Ilookaheadateveryone.“Whataboutgroping?”
“Ohh,secondbase.”Helaughs.“That’sagoodbasetobeat.”
“Imean,itisagoodbase,butthirdbase.”Ilookupathim.“Now,thirdbase,thatiswhereit’sat.”
“Whatisthirdbaseexactly?”heasksashiseyesmeetmine,andwebasicallystopinthemiddleofthepathway.Heturnstolookatme,hishandgrabbingoneofmine.
“Oh,thatbaseconsistsofbelowthebelt.”Ilaugh.“Sometimes,onecanslideintothebase.”
“Withtheirmouths?”Hewinksatme.
“Imean,isthereanyotherwaytoslideintothirdbase?”Iask,andIlookdownbelowhisbelttoseethathiscockisstartingtogetintotheaction.Istepintohim.“Imean,Ilikethirdbaseandallbut…”Istepinatouchmore,myheadtiltedback,waitingforhimtokissme.“Butnothingisbetterthanknockingthathitoutoftheparkandgettingahomerun.”Chapter25
Luke
“Ineedtoorderacoupleofthings.”IlookoveratMikaelaasIdoinventory,closingtheproducefridge.Thephoneringsfrommybackpocket.Reachingaround,Itakeitoutandseethatit’sClarabellacalling.Mywholefacefillswithasmile,andIcan’thelpit.
Turningaround,IwalkoutofthekitchenbeforeIpressthegreenbutton.“Hey,beautiful,”Igreetsoftly,lookingaroundtomakesurenoonehearsme.
“Hi.”Shesoundslikesheisrushingaround,thesoundofherheelsclickinginthebackground.
“Um.”
“Um,”Irepeatafterlaughingathownervoushertonecomesout.“Areyouokay?”
“No,”shesays,andmyheartimmediatelystopsinmychest.Ifeelthecolordrainingfrommyface,andtheonlythinggoingthroughmymindistogetthefucktoher.
“Whathappened?”Iask,andI’malreadywalkingtothebackdoor.IcoverthebottomofthephoneandlookoveratMikaela.“Mikaela,Ihaveanemergency.”Hereyesgowide,andshenodsatmesoIknowshe’sgoingtohandlethiswhenIgetintothetruck.“Whereareyou?”
“I’matthevenue,”shesays,andIcan’tevencontrolthewaymyheartisbeating.IliterallythinkI’mgoingtobesickasIpeeloutoftheparkinglot.
“I’llbethereinfiveminutes,”Isayintothephone.Thepastthreeweekshavebeenacompletedreamwithher.TherehasneverbeenanyothertimeinmylifewhenIhavefeltsosettledandsofuckingcomplete.TherehasneverbeenanyothertimeinmylifewhenIfeltlikeIdeservedthisbeforeandputsomeonebeforeme.Ever.ImakesurethatIschedulemyselfoffwhenshehasthedaysoff.TherehasalsoneverbeenanyothertimeinmylifewhenIsmilemorethananything.EverynightIgotobedholdingherandwakeupnexttoher,andIkeepwaitingfortheothershoetodrop.
“I’mfine,”sheassuresme,hervoicecomingoutsoft.“It’sjust…”
Myhandsgripthesteeringwheelsotightmyknucklesturnwhite.“It’sjustwhat,Clarabella?”
“I’minalittlebitofapredicament,”shesays,hervoicehushed,andIliterallycan’tgettherefastenough.“Areyouhonestlyonyourwayhere?”sheasksassoonasIpullintotheparkinglotofthevenue.
“I’mattheback,”Isay,andnowIcanhearhermumblingsomethingtosomeone.Thesoundofherheelsinthebackgroundletsmeknowshe’sonherwaytothekitchen.Ihangupthephone,puttingitbackinmypocketasIwalkupthestepstothekitchen,andIpullitopen.
Ilookaround,seeingthingsonthecounterbutnooneinthekitchen,whenthedoorswingsopenandClarabellacomesin.IsmilewhenIseeherwearingcream-coloredpantsthatfithertightwithabrightcherry-redsleevelesssilktop.Thematchingredshoesmakemymouthwater,andIcan’thelpbutstareather.Myeyesmeethers,andIgiveheraonce-over,makingsuresheisokay.Idon’tevennoticethathersistersaretwostepsbehindher.“I’msohappyIcameinearlytoday,”Presleysays,andIlookatthemconfused.
“I’mjustpissedthatwecan’tcapturethisoncamera.”Shelbypouts,whilemyeyesgotoherandthenbacktoClarabella.
“Whatthehellisgoingon?”Iask,relievedthatshe’sokay.
“Yes,Clarabella,”Presleyurges,lookingather.“Whatthehellisgoingon?”
Clarabellaglaresatherasshewringsherhandsinfrontofher,andIcantellthatwhateversheisgoingtotellme,she’snervousaboutit.“Nothingisgoingon.It’sjustI’mstuck.”Itiltmyheadtotheside.“AndIneedyourhelp.”
“OhmyGod,”Shelbysays,puttingherhandtohermouth.“Howthemightyhavefallen.”
Clarabella’sheadwhipsaroundasshelooksather.“Don’tyouhavesomewhereelsetobe?”
“No,”ShelbystatesatthesametimeasPresleysays,“Iwouldn’tleavethisroomeveniftheroomwasonfire.”
“Okay.”Iholdupmyhands.Withthethreeofthemtogether,youcan’tunderstandanythingsincetheyhavethisspecialbond.It’sliketheyknowwhattheotheristhinkingjustwiththeireyes.“Idon’tknowwhatisgoingon,butsomeonebettertellmewhythehellIrushedoverhere.”
“Yourushedoverhere?”Presleysays,clappingherhands.“Soyouhavenoideawhyyouarehere?Brilliant.”ShelaughsandturnstoClarabella.“Clarabella,whydon’tyoutellLukewhyyoucalledhimandwhyherushedoverhere.”
“Ihateyou,”shemumblestoPresleyandthentakesasteptowardme.Idon’tknowifshe’shopingthathersistersdon’tfollowher,buttheymovewithher.“Sothecheffortodaywhowassupposedtocomein…”Sheavoidslookingatme.“Andwell,hedecidedthatheisn’tcomingin.”Icantellthatherfaceisfilledwithworry.
“Andtheeventstartsinthreehours,”Shelbyshares,andIgetitnow.Istepclosertohernow,andIcansmellherlavenderscent.Iwantnothingmorethantokissherlips.
“Holdon,”IsaysoftlyasIputmyfingerunderherchintolifthereyestome.“Areyousayingthatyouhiredanothercheftoreplaceme?”
“Thatwouldbeayes,”Presleyconfirms,andClarabellajusttakesadeepinhale.
“Inmydefense,itwassixweeksago.”Clarabellathrowsupherhand,andmyhandfallsfromherface.
“Sosixweeksago,youfiredme?”Iputmyhandsonmyhips,enjoyingthatsheisdyinginsideatthismoment.
“Ididn’tfireyou,”Clarabelladefends.
“Yeah,shedidn’tfireyou,”Shelbysays.“Shewasweedingyouout.”
Clarabellaslapsherhandstogether.“Okay,everyoneout,”sheorders,turningtolookathersister.“Youandyou.”Shepointsathersisters.“Godosomethingelse.”
“Ugh,fine,”Shelbysays,turningandwalkingout.
“Thedamageisdoneanyway,”Presleydeclares.“Luke,thankyoufortheentertainmentasalways.”Shesmirks.“I’mjusthappyyouaren’tnakedthistime.”Sheturnsandwalksout.
“Iwillneverlivethatdown.”Ilookupattheceiling,thenlookbackdownatClarabella,butthistime,Iwalkclosertoherandwrapmyarmaroundherwaist.“Soyouwereweedingmeout?”Isay,myheartsuddenlycalmernowthatIhaveherinmyarms.Sheputsherhandonthearmaroundher.“Isn’tthatinteresting?”
“Iwasnotweedingyouout,”shelies,andIcantellshe’slyingbecauseherchestgetsblotchywhenshedoes.“Itwascomplicated.”
“Idon’tthinkit’sascomplicatedasyousayitis.”Ibendandkissherlips,notwaitinganotherminute.“Youdidn’twanttoworkwithme.”
“No,”sheanswers.Shewrapsherarmsaroundmyneckandclosesthegapbetweenus.“Ididnotwanttoworkwithyou.”
“Why?”Iask,bendingmyheadandkissingheragain.Thistime,thekisslingersforasecondlongerthanitdidbefore.“Ihadnotroubleworkingwithyou.”
“Yeah,well,Ididn’twanttoworkwithyou,”sheanswers,lookingatme.“Iwasmad,andIbecamepetty.”
“Andyouhiredanotherchef,”Ipointout.“Andhowisthatworkingoutforyourightnow?”
“Well,consideringI’mabouttoswallowmyprideandbegyouforafavor.”Sherollshereyes.“Notgreat.”
“Well,whattermsarewediscussing?”Iask.
“Howaboutablowjobtwiceaday?”sheoffers,andIrollmyeyesather.
“Ialreadygetthat,”Ijokewithher,andnowit’sherturntorollhereyesatme.“LetmeseewhatIneedtodo,andthenwecantalkterms.”Ikissherlips,walkingovertothefolderonthetable.Iseethelistoffoodthatneedstobepreparedandhowmanypeopleit’sgoingtobefor.“Thisshouldbeokay,”Isay.“Butitwillcostyou.”
“She’llpaydouble.”IhearShelbyfrombehindthecloseddoor.
“Aretheyreallyoutthere?”Iwhisper,pointingatthedoorasshejustnodsherhead.“Weretheyouttherethewholetime?”
“Probably.”Sheshrugs.
“Theyheardwhatwesaid.”Iclosemyeyes.
“Ithinktheyknowwehavesex.”Shelaughs.“Theycaughtyouplowingintome.”Iclosemyeyesandputmyhandsonmyface.“Nowgettowork,”shesays,andIcanseethatsheisbacktoherrelaxedself.
Ishakemyhead,walkingoverandwashingmyhandsbeforestartingtopreparethefood.Thewaitstaffarrives,andthenClarabellacomesin.“Howisitgoing?”sheasks,andIseethatherredheelsarechangedtoblackflats.
“I’malmostdone,”Ireply,lookingattheclock.“I’mgoingtogetreadytoplateinfiveminutes.”Sheturnsandgrabsthestackofplatesandcomesover,placingthemdownforme.Shemakessurethatallplatesaretakenoutassoonastheyareplated.Sherushesbackandforthtomakesurethateverythingisokay.Thesecondserviceisprettymuchthesameasthefirst.
Shedirectsthestaffperfectly,andaplateneversitsforlongerthanfiveseconds.Thestaffallrespectandlistentoher.Itakeasecondbetweencoursestoseeherpullacoupleofwaitressesasideassheexplainsthingstothem.Eachtime,shedoesitquietlyandrespectfully,andI’minaweofthewayshehandlesthings.Threehourslater,I’mwipingdownmyareawhenthethreeofthemcomeintothekitchen.
“Well,”Shelbysays.“I’mgoingtosaythatIthinkthatisthesmoothestservicethatwe’veeverdone.”
“Handsdownoneoftheeasiest,”Presleyagrees.“Therewasn’tonecomplaintthatwehad.”
“Doyouusuallyhavecomplaints?”IaskthemasIwalkovertothesinktowashofftheragbeforetossingitintothedirtylinensbasket.
“No,”Clarabellareplies.“Mysistersarejusttryingtobutteryouupsoyoudon’tfireus.”
“Withthat,”Shelbysays.“I’mout.”PresleysalutesmebeforeturningaroundandwalkingoutwithShelby.
“Areyoudone?”Clarabellaasks,andIlookaroundatthebusboysloadinganotherroundintothedishwasher.
“I’mdone,”Isay,andshesmirksatme.“Comewithme.”Shemotionswithherhead,andIfollowheroutintothevenueplace.Ilookaroundtheroom,seeingtheemptytablesasshewalkstothebarareainthecorner.Shewalksaroundthecounter,grabssomethingfrombehindthebar,andthencomesbacktomyside.Isitonthestool,andshesitsonthestoolbesideme,puttingdowntwoglassesshewasholdinginherhand.Shefillstheglasseswithscotch,thenputsthebottledownandpicksuponeglassineachhand,handingmeone
“Toteamwork.”Sheholdsherglassup
“Teamworkmakesthedreamwork,”Ijokewithherandclickherglasswithmine.She’sabouttobringtheglasstoherlipsbeforeIsaysomething.“Ohandtopayingoffdebts.”Iwinkather,andshejustlooksatmewithouttakingasipofherdrink.“Ihopeyousavedyourenergy.Iplanonmakingyoupayfortryingtoweedmeout,”Itease,takingtheshotofscotchandplacingtheglassdownonthebar.“So,Clarabella…”Isayhername,leaningintoher.Mycockishardasfuck,andIcanseethathereyesturnadarkerblue.“Theonlythingyougettodecidetonightisyourplaceormine?”Chapter26
Clarabella
“Hey.”Presleysticksherheadintomyoffice.“ShelbyandIweregoingtogograbsomedinner.Didyoumaybewanttocomewithus?”sheasks,andInodmyhead.
“Thatsoundsgreat,”Isay,pushingawayfromthedeskandlookingdowntoseethatit’sjustaftersixo’clock.“Wheredoyouwanttogo?”Iask,walkingaroundthedeskandgoingtograbmypurse.
“Whatthehellareyouwearing?”Presleyasks,andIstopmidsteptolookdownandmakesureIdidn’tgetsomethingonmyoutfittoday.“Arethosejeans?”Sheputsherhandsonherhips,andIseethatsheiswearingjeans,soIdon’tknowwhyshe’sgivingmesuchahardtime.Especiallysincenoneofushadanyappointmentstoday.
Igettomypurseandputmyphoneinit.“Thesejeanscostmethreehundreddollars,”Ihuff,lookingdownatmywhitejeans.
“Oh,trustme,Iknowhowmuchtheycost,”shestates,puttingherhandsonherhips.“WhatI’maskingiswhyareyouwearingclothesthataren’tblack?”IopenmymouthtosaysomethingbutnothingcomesoutbecauseIdidn’tevennotice.WhenIcan’tcomeupwithanywords,allIdoisrollmyeyesather.
“Idon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout.”Ipickupmypurse,avoidinglookingatherwhenshelaughsoutloudandclapsherhandstogether.
“Arewegoingfordinnerorwhat?”Shelbyasks,comingintomyofficeandlookingatmestandingherelookingatPresley.“What’sgoingon?”
“WearediscussingthefactthatMorticiahere”—Presleypointsatme—“iswearingwhitepantsandthatshehasn’tbeenwearingblackforawhile.”
ShelbygaspsandglaresatPresley.“Ithoughtyousaidweweregoingtodiscussthisatdinner.”Shelbyhuffs,“Youaretheworst.”
“Icouldn’thelpit.”Presleyshrugs.“She’sevenwearingapeachshirt.”
“Ugh,yousuck,”Shelbysays.“Now,wherearewegoingtoeat?”
“Isthatevenanoptionanymore?”Presleysays.“ImaginewewenttoanotherrestaurantandLukefoundout.”
Irollmyeyes.“He’dbefine,”Iassurethem,andmyheartstartstospeedupatouchwhenIthinkaboutseeinghim.Thethreeofuswalkoutoftheofficeandheadovertotherestaurant,allofushoppinginonecar.
“Ilovethesummer,”Shelbysaysaswemakeourwaytotherestaurant.Thesoundoflivemusicfillstheair,andthesoundofkids’laughterisoffinthedistanceasfamilieswalktogetherdownthemainroad.
Walkingin,Iseethatsomeofthetablesarefree,andit’snotasbusyasitisontheweekends.IlookaroundasShelbyandPresleytalktothehostess,whonodsherheadandgrabsthreemenusassheleadsustothecornerbooth.IslideintoonesidewhileShelbyandPresleyslideinfrontofme.“IsLukehere?”ShelbyaskswhileIlookaroundandseethekitchendooropenasaservercomesout.
“Heshouldbehere,”Isay,ignoringthewaythatmyheartisbeating.“Butit’snotlikewekeeptrackofeachother.”IignoretheirlooksbygrabbingamenuthatIknowbyheart,justtoavoidlookingatthem.
Theservercomesover,andsherecognizesmefromwhenI’vecomeinbeforehandwithclients.IsmileatherasIorderawine,andnottwosecondslater,Iseehimcomeoutofthekitchen.Itrytohidethesmilethatfillsmyface,butIcan’t.IfIseehim,Ismile.Ifhewalksintoaroom,Ismile.Whenhekissesmyneckinthemorning,Ismile
“Hi,”Isay,puttingmyhandonhisleg.Heslipshisfingersinwithmine,andIcan’tevenputintowordswhatIfeel.It’sthestrangestthingeverysinglenightweslideintobedtogether,anditfeelslikeit’salwaysbeenlikethis.Likehewasalwaysholdingmetosleep,likehewasalwayswakingupwithmeandmakingmecoffeewhileIgotready.
Hetalkstomysisters,andnothingfeelsforced,andit’sprobablybecauseweworkedtogetherbefore,sotheyknowhim.Hegetsup,goingtothekitchentocontinueworking,andwhenit’stimetogetthebill,theservertellsusit’stakencareof.Mysistersgetuptoleave,andIfollowthembutstopinsteadofwalkingoutofthedoor.“Areyounotcomingwithus?”ShelbyasksmewhenIlookovermyshoulder.
“IthinkI’mgoingtojustwaithereforhim.”Iholdmybaginfrontofmenervously.
“Ofcourseyouare.”Presleywinksatme.“Alsojustsoyouknow,carsexisnotallit’shypeduptobe.”
“Well,hehasatruck,”Icounter,andtheybothjustlaugh.“I’llseeyoubothtomorrow.”Iholdupmyhandbeforeturningandwalkingbackovertothebar.Ipulloutanemptystoolbytheendofthebar.
“Hey,whatcanIgetforyou?”thebartenderasksassoonashespotsme.
“I’llhaveasodawater,”Isay,andhenodsatmebeforewalkingaway.
Hecomesbackoveracoupleofsecondslater,placinganapkinonthebarandthenmydrinkontopofit.“Letmeknowifyouneedanythingelse.”Inodathim,pickinguptheglassandtakingasipofitwhenIfeelahandonmyback.Iturnaroundandseehimtheresmilingdownatme.“Youwaited?”hesays,sittingonthestoolbesideme,turninghisbodytofaceme.“Youdidn’thavetowait.”Hislegsopen.
“IknowIdidn’thaveto.”Ismileathim.“Iwantedto.”Iturnonmystooltofacehim,mylegsinsideofhislegs.Hemoveshishandsfromhislegstomine.“Whattimeareyoudone?”
“Icangetoutofherenowifyouwant.”Hewinksatme,gettingupfromhisstool,holdingouthishandformesoIcangetup.“Besides,Ithinkyouhavetoworkoffacertaintab.”
IlaughasIslipmyhandinhisandgetup.“Isthatso?”Iask,andhejustnodshishead.
“Thatisso,”heconfirmsandlooksoveratthebartender.“She’swithme,”hetellshim,andhejustnodshishead.“Let’sgooutthefront.”Heputshishandonmylowerbackaswewalktowardthefrontdoor.Thehostessessmileatusaswewalkout.Heopensthedoorformetostepout.Theheathitsmerightawayashewalksoutwithme.“Somyplaceoryours?”heasksinthemiddleofthecrowdedstreet.Morepeopleareoutsidewalkingaroundthanwhenwearrived.Theicecreamstoretwodoorsdownhasalineformingoutside.
“You’reprettysureofyourself,”IjokewithhimwhenIstarttowalkandcomeface-to-facewithEdward.Mywholebodygoesstiffasheglaresatme.HelooksatmeandthenoveratLukebesideme.ThewarmthofLuke’shandonmybackstopsmefromshivering.
“Well,well,well.”Hisvoicegoesatouchlouderwhenhecomesclosertous,andIseethatsomepeoplehavelookedover.“Isn’tthisanicesurprise?”Mymouthissuddenlydry,andthereisn’tanywayIcansayanything,nordoIwanttosayanything.ThelastthingIwantistobringattentiontomyself.MyheartishammeringsohardinmychestIdon’tknowifhe’syellingorit’sjusttheecho.“Myrunawaybridewiththehiredhelp.”
“Watchyourself,”Lukewarns,hisvoicelowashestandsupstraightbesideme,andhe’sadvancedjustatouch,sohe’salmostinfrontofme.
“Watchme?”Edwardsneers.“Watchme?”Hepointsathischest,andIcan’thelpbutlookaroundandseethatpeoplearenotonlylookingbutIalsoseeacoupleofthempointing.Thebackofmyneckstartstogethot,andIwanttojustwalkawayfromhim.
“Luke.”Isayhisname,puttingmyhandonhisarm.“Don’tbother.”Lukelooksatme,hiseyesdarkwithanger.
“Yes,Luke,whyshouldyoubother?”Helaughsbitterly.“Imean,sheleftmeatthealtar!”heroars.“Withoutevengivingmeasecondtoexplainmyself.”Ijuststayquiet,notevenwillingtogivehimanything.“Intheend,youleftmeforthispieceofshit.Youareacheater.”Hepointsatme,andIswearmyheadfliesbackasifhehitmeintheface.
Hetakesonefoottoadvance,andLukestepsinfrontofme.“Ithinkthepotiscallingthekettleblack.”Luketakesanotherstepforward,theirchestsalmosttouching.“Youhadeverythingyoucouldeverhave,andwhatdidyoudo?”Lukeasks.“Andwhatdidyoudo?Youfuckedaroundandhadababywithsomeoneelse.Insteadoftellingherthat,shehastohearitfromthewomanwhoknocksonherdooraminutebeforesheissupposedtowalkdowntheaisle.”Icanheargaspsfromaroundme,andIwantthestreettoopenupandswallowme.Mystomachturns,andmyeyesjustlookdownatthegroundtoavoideveryonelookingatme.
“Thereisnooneelsetoblameforanythingbesidesyou.”Lukepointsathim.“Soyoubettercheckyourself.Youcoward.”Lukeslipshishandinmine.“Andifyouevercomeatheragain.”Hisvoicegoeslow.“I’mgoingtoputyoutotheground.”Edwardjustlooksathim,hischestmovinginandoutashepants.Hisnostrilsareflaring.“I’dlovenothingmore.”Lukesmilesathim,thenturnstolookatmebeforeleadingmetothebackofthebuildingandawayfromthepryingeyes.Chapter27
Luke
MyhandgripshersasIwalkaroundtherestauranttowardmytruckintheback.Theminuteweareawayfromthepryingeyes,sheslipsherhandoutofmine.Mywholebodyisfilledwithfury,andIwantnothingmorethantowalkbackovertothatpieceofshitandputmyfistinhismouth.“Youokay?”MyvoiceissoftasIopenthetruckdoorforher.Sheneverlooksatme,nordoesherheadcomeup,andallshedoesisnodasshestepsintothetruck.Iwaitforasecondtoseeifsheisgoingtolookatme,butallshedoesisgrabtheseatbelt.Iclosethedoorandwalkaroundbutstopatthebackforaminute,lookingupattheskybeforegettingintothetruck.IwanttogetherasfarawayfromtherestaurantasIcan.Ilookoveratheracoupleoftimesonthewaytoherhouse.TheonlyreasonIgotoherhouseisthatit’scloserthanmine,andrightnow,Iwanttositdownwithherandmakesuresheisokay.AfterIpullupinthedriveway,Iturnoffthetruck,andsheisoutofitinasplitsecond.Shejogsupthefrontsteps,neveroncelookingbehindherassheunlocksthedoor.
Istepinandwatchherputherpurseonthetableatthefrontdoorbeforewalkingin.Shemakesherwaystraighttothekitchen,openingthecupboardontopofthefridgeandthentakingdownthebottleofscotch.“Areyouokay?”Iaskasshewalkstotheislandandjustlooksupatme.Icantellshe’spissed.ThisisthesamelookshegavemewhenIstupidlyopenedherdoorthatothertimeandcameface-to-facewithEdward.“Waitforasecond.”Iholdupmyhandsuddenly,notsurewhatthefuckisgoingon.“Areyoupissedatme?”
“Idon’tknowwhatIam.”Sheunscrewsthetopofthescotchbottleandbringsitstraighttohermouth,takingagulp.Sheputsthebottledownandthenwipeshermouthwiththebackofherhand.
“I’msorry.”Istareather,nevertakingmyeyesoffher.“Whythefuckareyoupissedatme?”Ipointatmychest.Thenervesarenowmakingmybodyshakeevenmore.“WhatthefuckdidIdo?”
Shelooksdownatthescotchandthenlooksoveratme.“Youtoldeveryonemybusiness!”sheshouts.“Youliterallyjusttoldthemeverything.InthemiddleoffuckingMainStreet,youjusttoldeveryoneeverything,withoutevenbattingafuckingeye.”
“Whatthehellareyoutalkingabout?”Isay,confusedagain.“Hewasstandingtherespewingshitfromhismouth,andallyoudidwasstandthere.”
“BecauseIdidn’tneedanymoreshitbeingsaidaboutme.”Shethrowsherhandsup.“Everyonewaslookingatus!”sheshrieks.“Everyonewaslookingatus,whisperingandpointing.”Sheshakesherheadandlooksdownatthecounter.
“Yeah,Iknow.”Iputmyhandsonmyhips.“Lookingatusandlisteningtotheshithewassaying.Theliesthatwerecomingoutofhismouth.”Ishakemyhead.“He’ssoluckythattherewerepeoplethere,andIcouldn’tthrowhimintoawallorthroatpunchhimoranythingthatwouldhavestoppedhimfromtalking.”Myhandsformfistsbymysides.
“Whocares?”sheyells.“Whofuckingcareswhathesaysaboutme?”Shecloseshereyes,andwhensheopensthem,Icanseethetearsinthem,anditgutsme.Mystomachfeelslikesomeoneisstabbingitoverandoveragainastheburningstartstobuild,movingthroughoutmybody.
“Ifuckingcare!”Iroar.“He’snotgoingtotalkaboutmywomanlikethat.”Ishakemyhead.“Itriedtoremaincalm,butthenhecalledyouacheater,andtherewasnowayinfuckthatIwasjustgoingtolethimhavethat.Nofuckingway.”Istareather,andshedoesn’tsayanythingtome.Hermouthopensandthenclosesandthenopensagain.
“Yourwoman?”sherepeatsthatpart,andIsuddenlythinkthatmaybeIshouldhavewordeditbetter.
“Um,yeah,”Isaylikeduhobviously.“Idon’tknowwhatpeoplecalleachotherwhentheyarewitheachothereverysingledayandsharealifetogether.Weareboththirty.Iscallingyoumygirlfriendnottooyoung?Soyeah,mywomansoundsaboutright.”
“WhataboutthegirlinNewYork?”Shestaresatme,andmyheartstopsinmychest.
“What?”Iwhisper,andIthinkthatperhapsIneedtotakeastepbackandjustletthingscalmdown.MaybeIshouldhavemadeherworkthroughthingsbeforeIjustjumpedrightintoit.
“ThegirlinNewYork,”shesaysagain,andthistime,theburninginmystomachspreadstomychest,thenmythroat.“Whatabouther?”
Itakeasecondtothinkaboutwhatsheisaskingmeexactly.“Whatabouther?”Theonlywordsthatcancomeoutofmymouthatthispoint.
“Well,wheredoesshestand?”Thiswholelineofquestioningissooutoftheblue.MyheadisspinningaroundandaroundasItrytowrapmyheadaroundeverythingthathappenedtonight.
“Shedoesn’tstandanywhere.”Ijustshakemyhead.“Stopwiththisrunaroundandlittlequestionshereandthere.Whydon’tyouaskwhatyouneedtoask?”Shelooksdownatthebottleofscotch,andinsteadofgivingherachancetoaskthequestions,Ijustcomerightout.“Shewasnothing.”Idon’ttakemyeyesoffher.“Shewaslessthannothing.”Ifeelpressureonmychest,wonderinghowlongshe’shadthisfesteringinsideher.
“Willyouseeheragain?”sheasks,stillnotlookingatme,andIcan’tevenfathomhowlongshe’shadthisideainherhead.
Iwalkoverandstandnexttoher,puttingonehandonthecounterandtheotheronherhip.“Clarabella.”Isayhername,andshelooksupatme,andIcanseethetearsinhereyesandthewaythatsheisblinkingtofightthemback.“Idon’tevenknowwhathernamewas.”Itellthetruth.“Wemetattherestaurantwhenshecameinwithfriends.Sheflirtedwithme,andIstupidlywenthomewithher.IspentmaybetwohourswithherbeforeIwalkedoutandsaidIwouldneverdothatagain.”
“Youdon’tneedtojustifyyourselftome,”shesays,andIsnap.ThespaceIwasgivingherwasgonewhenItookanotherstepintoher.Turninghertofaceme,Itightenmyhandonherhiptomakesureshedoesn’tmovefartherawayfromme.
“Idon’tneedtojustifymyselftoyou,”Isaysoftly,turningherandmakingherlookatme.“Iwanttojustifymyselftoyou.”OneofmyhandscomesupasIbrushherhairawayfromherforehead.“Lookatme,Clarabella,”Iurge,andsheliftshereyestolookatme.“Idon’tknowwhatyouputinyourheadorhowlongyou’vebeenthinkingaboutthis,butIneedyoutoknowthatthereisnoonebutyou.Notnowandnotbefore.”Mythumbrubshercheek.“Ifuckedupsixmonthsagolettingyougo.”Myvoicecomesoutsoftly.“AndI’mnotevengoingtobesorrythatEdwardfuckedupthewayhedid.Ican’tbecauseifhehadn’t,thenIwouldn’tbestandinghererightnowinfrontofyou.”Ican’thelpbutbendandkissherlips.“Tonight,whenhecameatyouandcalledyouacheater,therewasnowayIwasevergoingtoletpeoplethinkthat.Becausethatisn’tyou.Youaren’tthatperson.”
“IknowI’mnot,”shesays,andIcan’thelpbutleandownandtouchherlipswithmine.“IknowwhoIamandwhatwentdown.Iknowinmyheartthatthetruthwillcomeout.”Shetakesadeepbreath.“Ijustdidn’twantittocomeoutinashoutingmatchinthemiddleofMainStreet.Thechatteraboutmebeingarunawaybrideisstartingtodiedown.”Shecloseshereyes.“Andnowwiththat,it’lljustbemoreshitpeoplewilltalkabout.”
“I’msorry,”Isaysoftly,lookingintohereyes.“I’msorryfornotthinkingofthat,butIjustcouldn’tlethimpullasceneandbethewoundedpartywhenhe’snot.”Iswallowdownthelumpthathasformedinmythroat.“Youwouldbemarriedtohimrightnow.”Ican’tevenfathomthatthought.“ButIcan’tbesorryforstandingupforyou.Iwon’tapologizeforthatbecauseIwoulddoitoverandoveragain.”Iholdherchinwithmythumbandmyforefinger.“Soyouarejustgoingtohavetogetusedtoit.”
“Imean…”Shesmilesnow,andIcan’ttellyouhowhappyandrelievedIamtoseeit.“Iamyourwoman,apparently,sotherearethingsIneedtogetusedto.”Shelaughs,andIliftherandplaceherontheisland,movingthebottleofscotchovertotheside.
“Youaremywoman.”Itrynottolaugh,butIcan’thelpit.I’veneverhadtheneedtocareorhaveanyoneattachedtome.
“Whatdoesthatentailexactly?”Shejokeswithme.“SothatIknowwhattodoassomeone’swoman.”
“Well,forone,”Istart,movingherhairbehindhershoulder.“IthinkitgivesmetherighttokissyouwheneverIwant.”
“Youdothatalready.”Sheleansbackonherrighthand.
“Butthisallowsmetodoitinpublic,”Isay,thetightnessinmystomachcomingnow.“Andnotjustinprivate.”
“Youkissedmetodayinpublic,”shesayssoftly.
“ButyoutensedupwhenIdidit.”Itrynottomakeitsoundlikeithurtsme.“It’sfine.It’sjustI’dliketodoitmore.”
“I’msorry.”Shesitsupstraight,ourcheststouching.“Ididn’tevennotice.Sonoted.”Shekissesmylips.“Whatelsedoesbeingyourwomando?”
“Well,IgettobringyouflowersbecauseIwantto,”Isay,justwingingitatthispoint,andsheknowsitwhensherollsherlipsandfallswhenshechuckles.“Idon’tknow.Ijustwanttobeabletocallyoumywoman.”
“Luke,I’vebeenyourwomanfromthetimeyouputmeinyourtruckonmywould-beweddingday.”
Itiltmyheadtotheside.“Isthatso?”
“Noidea.”Shelaughs.“Maybeitwasacoupleofdaysafter.Maybeitwasthetimeyoushowedupherewithabottleofscotchandfood.”Sheleansinandplacesakissonmythroat.“MaybeitwaswhenIshowedupatyourhouse.”Shemovesthekissuptomycheek.“Maybeitwasthetimethatyouheldmyfeetinyourlapasyoutoldmeaboutyourday.”Shekissesthesideofmylips.“Maybeitwasthedaythatyoutookmeoutatoneo’clockinthemorningbecauseIwantedamilkshake.”Sheputsherhandsonmyshoulders.“Regardlessofwhen,I’vebeenyourwomanforawhile.”Chapter28
Clarabella
“Regardlessofwhen,I’vebeenyourwomanforawhile.”Ifinallykisshislips,andhistongueslideswithmineasmylegswraparoundhiswaisttighter,pullinghimintome.“Sodoesthatmeanyou’remyman?”Thewaymyheartbeatsinmychest,I’mthinkingthatI’mgoingtothrowuprightnow.
“Iwasyourmantheminuteyousmiledmyway,”hesays,andIcan’thelpthebutterfliesinmystomach.Hishandgoesintomyhairlikeitalwaysdoesashetiltsmyheadtotheside,histongueslideswithmine.Hishandgoestomywaistashepicksmeup.Ilockmyanklesatthebaseofhisbackandwrapmyarmsaroundhisneck.Heletsgoofmylips,walkingmeupthestairs.“Youknowwhatweneverdid?”Hekissesmyneck.
“Wearen’tdoingthat,”Isay,makinghimlaugh,andhejustshakeshishead.
“Notthat.”Hekissesmylipsagain.“Weneverwentslow.”
“Becauseit’soverrated,”Isay,mystomachflutteringwhenheletsmegoandstandsbehindme.
“Butitcanbesomuchfun.”Hepushesmyhairtotheside,bendinghisheadandsuckingmyneck.“Takingmytimewithyou.”Hesucksmyneckagain.Thistime,bothhishandscomeuptocupmytits.Hisfingerspinchmycoverednipplesthroughmyshirt.“Worshippingeverysinglepartofyourbody.”Hetrailssoftkissesacrossmyshoulder.Hishandsstillmassagemybreasts.MyeyescloseasItakeinthefeelingofhim.Iturninhisarmsandtakeoffhisshirt,leaningdownandkissingrightinthemiddleofhischest.
Hemovesmyhairtothesideagainwithonehandasheusestheotheronetoraisemychinsohecankissmeagain.Myhandsgoforhisbeltasheslideshistongueintomymouth,hishandnowgoingformyjeansalso.Thebothofusworkthebuttonsandzippersatthesametime.Hepullsmyjeansdowntomyanklesandthenkissesmylegsashemakeshiswayuptome,stoppingrightwheremylacepantiesshowhimhowwetIamforhim.Heplacesasoftkissthere,andthenIstepoutofthejeansatthesametimeashisjeanshitthefloor.Iturntowalktothebed,andI’mstoppedwhenhecomesupbehindme,andhishandgripsmyhipstostopme.“Notyet,”hewhispersinmyearbeforehistonguecomesout,andhelicksdownmyneck.Hewrapsanarmaroundmychest,andtheotherslidesintomypanties.“Wetforme.”Idon’tknowifhe’saskingmeortellingme.MyhandmovestothebackofmeasItakehiscockintoit.“Fuck,”hehisseswhenmyhandstartstojerkhiscockslowlyatthesametimethatheslipsthetipofhisfingerintome,teasingme.Iholdmybreath,waitingforhimtoslipthewholefingerintome,buthedoesn’t.Hetakeshishandoutofmypantiesandthenpullstheshirtovermyhead.Myhandgoesbackimmediatelytotakehiscockasheunclipsmybra.
Turningmeinhisarms,hebendshisheadtotakeanippleinhismouth.Imoanashebitesdownonitandthenmakeshiswayovertomyothernipple.Flickingitwithhistonguebeforesuckingitintohismouth.“Luke,”Isaybreathlesslyashemoveshismouthuptomine.Hismouthcoversmineatthesametimebothhisthumbsandforefingerspinchdownonmynipples.Hismouthswallowsmymoansashepicksmeupandwalksmeovertothebed,layingmedownonitgently.Hismouthletsmegoashelooksdownatmebeforehetakesoffmypanties,tearinganotherpair.Hegetsonhiskneesasmylegsopenforhim,waitingforhiswarmwettongue.Hekissestheinsideofmythigh,suckinginasmyeyeswatchhimgetcloserandclosertomypussy.Hekissesrightnexttomyhipandthentrailskissesupmystomach.Histonguecomesoutandtrailsuptomynippleashesucksoneinhismouthbeforelickingtotheotherone.Mywholebodyisonedge,needinghim.“Luke,”Isayagainashelickshiswayupthemiddleofmychestandthentomymouthagain.Iopenmylegs,thinkingheisgoingtoslideintome,buthedoesn’t.
“I’mgoingtolieonthebed.”Helooksintomyeyes.“Andyouaregoingtostraddlemyface.”Iclosemyeyesforasecond.“AndI’mgoingtoeatyourpussy.”Fromthefirsttime,sexwithLukehasbeenonanotherlevel.It’sasifmybodywasmadeforhim.
Heliesdownonthebed,andIthrowmylegaroundhishead,facinghiscock,“No,theotherway.Youaren’ttouchingmycockuntilit’sinyou.”Imoveagain,andthistime,theminutemykneesfallbesidehishead,heliftsup,andhistongueslidesintomypussy.Ican’thelpbutfallforward.Helicksupmyslit,twirlinghistonguearoundmyclit.“Iwantyoutocomeonmytongue,”hesays,suckingmeintohismouthandthenslidinghistongueintome.“Justwithmytonguefuckingyou.”Iclosemyeyesashedevoursmypussy.“Youaredrippingwet,”hedeclares,andIwanthimtoslidetwofingersinsideme,knowingthattheminutehedoesthat,I’mgoingtogooff.Icanfeeltheorgasmatthetipofmytoesashistonguefucksmetwicebeforehesucksmyclit.Overandover,histongueflicksmyclit,andI’mlost.Ican’tevenfocus,butIdoknowthatIneedhiscockevenifit’sinmymouth.Iturnaround,andwhenhe’sabouttosaysomething,Isitonhisface.HistongueslidesintomypussyatthesametimethatItakehiscockintomymouth.“Cheating.”Idon’tcarewhathesays,tobehonest.Myhandsgripthebaseofhiscock,movingitwithmymouth.Finally,heslidesafingerintome,thrustsittwicebeforetakingitout,andreplacesitwithhistongue.“Howbaddoyouwanttocome?”heasks,suckinginmyclit,andImovemyhipsfromsidetoside.
“Sobad,”IconfirmasItrytogetsomefrictiongoingwhenhepushesmeoffhim,andIthinkIcryout.
“Iwanttowatchyouridemycock,”hesays,lyingonthebed,holdinguphiscockinhishand.
“Finally,”Isay,goingovertohimandbendingmyheadtokisshim.Thebothofusmakethekissneedy.I’mabouttostraddlehimwhenIturnaround.“Youwanttowatchmeride,”Ithrowovermyshoulderasmyhandgripshiscock,andIslidedownit.“Fuck,”IswearwhenIhavehimallthewayinsideme.Ilookoverathim,hiseyesdarkasIbendforward,andhishandgripsmyass.Imoveupanddownhiscock.“OhmyGod,”Isayeachandeverytime,andI’mabouttocomewhenhishandsgripmyass,stoppingme.“Luke,sohelpmeGod,”Iwarnashepullsoutofme,myhandgoingtomypussyasIfingermyself.
Myasstohimnow,andhegetsonhisknees.“Ifyoumakeyourselfcome,Iwon’tgiveyoumycock.”Imovemyhand,lookingoverathimasheslideshiscockintomeslowlyatfirst,andthenhepullsoutandslamsintome.
“More,”Iurge,pushingbackonhim.“Please,more.”
“Mywomanwantsithard.”Heslamsintome,hisballsslappingmyclit.
“Yes,”Ihiss,myhandgoingtoplaywithmyclit.
“ThenIhavetogiveittoherhard,”hesays,grippingmyhipsandnowfuckingmehard.Thebothofusdon’tlast.Icomewithinsecondsoverandoveragain.I’mclosetotheendoftheorgasmwhenhestopsmoving,andIcryout,wantinghimtomove.“Mywomanwantstocomeagain.”Heslamsintome,andallIcandoisnodmyhead.
“Yourwomanwantsyoutocomeinsideher,”Iurge,asIsqueezemypussyaroundhiscock.“Cometothinkofit,”Isay,tryingtofocusonmywordsandnotonthewayhe’sfuckingme.“Iwantyoutofuckmeandthencomeinmymouth.”Icanfeelhiscockgettingbiggerinme,hishandsgrippingmyhipssohardhe’sgoingtoleaveamark.“Iwanttosuckthecumfromyourcock,lickyouclean,andthenfuckyouagain.”
“Clarabella,”hehisses.“I’mgoingto.”Hishandsleavesmyhipsnow,andIturn,takinghiscockintomymouthashecomesdownmythroat.Overandoveragain,Iswallowhim,myfistworkingwithmymouth.“Fuckinghell,”hesayswhenheslipsoutofmymouth.“Thatwas.”
“Thatwas,”Iagree,turningandlyingonmyback,spreadingmylegsforhim.“Thatwasjustthebeginning.”Iputonehandundermyhead,andtheotherhandmovestomypussyasIfingermyself.“Yourwomanwantstocomeagain.Nowthequestionisareyougoingtowatchmemakemyselfcome,orareyougoingtohelp?”
Iturnoffthecarandlookoveratthehouse.MyheartslamsagainstmychestwhenIopenthedoorandstepout.OnceIwalkupthepathway,myhandshakeswhenIpressthebell.Icanhearfootsteps,andIwonderifmaybeIshouldn’thavecome,butIcan’tbackoutnowbecausethedooropens.“Youhavesomenerveshowinguphere,”Edward’smothersaysasshestandsinthedoorwayofhishouse.ThelastpersonIthoughtIwouldseetodaywasher,butIguessthisishowithastogo.
“I’mlookingforEdward,”Isay,notbackingdownnorwillingtoletherseemenervous.Ididnothingwrong.
“Forwhat?”Shesneersatme.“Togloataboutmovingon.”
Iswallowdownthehurtandthenthinkaboutwhathemusthavetoldhismother.“Togloat?”Iask,andeverythinginmesnaps.“Isthatwhatyouthinkthisis?”Myvoicegoeslouder,andIthinkIevenscareherwithmytone.
“Mother,”Edwardsaysfrombehindher.“Closethedoor,”hesnaps.
“Yes,closethedoorsoIcan’ttellyouthetruth,”Isay,notevencaringifpeoplearestaringatme.Iguessthesayinglet’sgivethemsomethingtotalkaboutisright.“Yes,whydon’tyousoyouwon’tknowwhyIactuallyleftyoursonatthealtar.”
“Mother,closethefuckingdoor,”hesnaps,andIseehisfaceiswhite.
“Yes,Mommy,”Imockhim.“Closethedoor,soIdon’ttellyouwhataspinelesscowardofasonyouhave.”Edward’smother’sfacematchesherson’snow.“ImetLouise,”Isay,andhereyesgobig.
“Thatwhore.”Shelaughsandfoldsherarmsoverherchest.“Sowhat?Everyonehasapast.”
“Theydo.”Inodmyhead.“Butnoteveryone’spastcomeswithafuture.”IlookpasthertoEdward.“Noteveryone’spastcomesknockingonmydoorwithababy.”Hismothergasps.“SoifyouarelookingfortherealreasonastowhyIleftyourson,youshouldaskhimaboutEdwardJr.”Iclapmyhands.“Damn,thisfeelsgood.”Ismileather.“Now,downtothenitty-gritty.Ifyoudon’tstopharassingmyfamilywithfrivolouslawsuits,I’llhavetotellthemmytruth.Idon’tthinkyoucansweepachildundertherugthateasily.EspeciallysinceI’msureLouisewouldlovenothingmorethantotelltheworld.Also,Iwantyoutofuckoff,”ItellEdward.“Youseemewalkingdownthestreet,gotheotherway.Youseemecomeoutofarestaurantorastore,turntheotherway.Bottomline,youseeme,youmakesureIdon’tseeyourface.”Inodatthebothofthemastheystandthere,notsayinganything.“Haveagreatday,”Isay,turningandstartingtowalkdownthestairswithaskipinmystep.“Haveagreatlife.”Chapter29
Clarabella
Iwalkupthestepstotheofficeandpullopenthedoor,thecoldairhittingmerightaway.IgettwostepsintothedoorbeforeIhearmumblinginthekitchen.“Morning!”IyelldownthehallwaytowardthekitchenasImakemywaytomyoffice.
“Well,well,well.”Shelbysticksherheadoutofheroffice,lookingatmewalkingoutnow.“Ifitisn’tthetalkofthetown.”Iturnandrollmyeyesather,waitingforthedreadtocomein,andI’mshockedwhenIfeelnothing,nothingatall.
“Howbadisit?”IlookatherandseePresleycomeoutofthekitchenwithacoffeecupinherhand.Shelooksatmeandsmirks.
“Onascaleofonetoten?”Presleysays,takingasipofherdrink.“I’mgoingwithamillion.”
IopenmymouthwhileShelbyhitsPresley.“She’sonlysayingit’sonemillionbecauseyoudidn’tcallandtellus.Andshe’sbitterthatshefoundoutthroughmeandthoughtIwaslying.”
IlookoveratPresley,whojustnodsherheadatmeandpoints.“Thatiscorrect,”Presleyconfirmstome.“Imagineifyoumight.”Sheglaresatme.“Gettingaphonecallinformingmeofthiswholescenethatwentdown.”
“Ididn’treallyhavetimetocallyou.”Ishakemyhead,thinkingabouttheshowdownthathappenedinmykitchennotlongaftertheshowdownthathappenedonthestreetthatthenproceededtoawholeothershowdowninthebedroom.
“It’sbeenwhat,tenhourssinceithappened?”Shelbyglaresatme.“Tenhours.”Sheholdsupbothhands,wigglingherfingers.“Andyoucouldn’tpickupaphoneandbelike‘hey,I’maliveandI’mokay.’”
“WhywouldIbedead?”Ifoldmyarmsovermychestandchuckle.
“Well,youaredeadtome,”Presleydeclares,doingafistinfrontofherwithherthumbstickingoutandrunningitagainstherneck.“SoIdon’tevencarewhathappened.”
“Seriously,tenhours.Ten.”Shelbygasps.“Whatthehellwereyoudoing?”
“It’snotwhatshewasdoing,”Presleysays.“Butwhoshewasdoingitwith.”
“Canwefocusonwhat’sbeingsaid,please?”Iholdupmyhands,tryingtomakethemchangethesubject.
“ThewordonthestreetisthatLukelookedlikehewasgoingtobody-slamEdwardintothegroundliketheHulk,”Presleyinformsme,andIjustclosemyeyes.
“Itwasn’tthatbad,”Itellthemandturntowalkintomyofficewiththetwoofthemfollowingme.Theysitdown,andItellthemmysideofthestory,andwhenIlookup,theybothhavetheirmouthsopen.
“Wait,”Presleysays,holdingupherhandatme.“Whatdidhecallyou?”
“Hiswoman.”Iholdupmyhands,thankfulI’mnottheonlyonewhoiswowedbythatdeclaration.
“Whatdoesthatevenmean?”Shelbyasks,amazed.She’slookingatPresleytoseeifmaybeshehastheanswer,andIcantellshedoesnot.
“Like,doyougetacrown?”Presleysitsbackinthechairandputsherhandinfrontofhermouth.“Like,isthatanelevatedposition?Doyouskipdatingandbelikeboom,hiswoman?”
“Ihavenoidea.”IlookoveratShelbytoseeifmaybeshehastheanswer,andshejustlooksatmewithhereyesbig.
“Doeshewalkinfrontofyouandbeathischest?”Presleyrollsherlips.“Withabatoverhisshoulderwearingaloinclothandgrunting?”
Ican’thelpthelaughterthatcomesoutofme.“That’swhatIthoughtwouldhappen.”
“Betyouhegaveyouhisbatallright.”Presleywinksatme.“Youknow,sinceyou’rehiswomanandeverything.”
“Canwefocusonwhatisgoingonandnotaboutwhathappenedafter?”Ilookatbothofthem.“Howbadisthisgossip?”
“Isitgossip,though?”Presleyasksme.“Imean,it’snotlikewhathesaidwasalie.”
“Iknowthat,but…”Ilookupattheceiling,tryingtosteadythewaymyheartisgoingnuts.“It’slikebeforeIwastherunawaybride,andthatjuststarteddyingdown.NowI’llbethepoorgirlwhosefiancéhadakidwithsomeoneelse.”
“Fuckwhatanyonethinks.”Presleyisthefirstonetosaysomething.“Like,forreal,thinkaboutit.Noonecares.Bytomorrow,it’llbeoldnews.”Ijuststareather.“Okay,bylikenextweekforsure.”
“Whatdoesthismeannow?”Shelbyasksme,andIjustlookather,notsurewhatshe’saskingme.“AreyouwithLukeornot?”
“Well,consideringthatI’mhiswoman.”Itrytomakeajokebutthenlookatthem.“Yes.”
“Anotheronebitesthedust,”Presleyjokes,gettingupandgrabbinghercup.“Thiswasfun.I’mstillpissedatyou,butIwillletyouknowthatIcalledMomandcomplainedaboutit,soyoushouldbegettingaphonecallfromheranyminute.”
Igroan.“Thanks.”IflipheroffasshewalksoutoftheroomwithShelbyrightbehindher.It’sonethingtogoface-to-facewithmysisters;it’sawholeotherballgametogoface-to-facewithmymother.“Ihateyou!”Iscreamatthedoor,andthenIpickupmyphoneandFaceTimemymother,bitingthebullet.
“Soshe’salive.”That’sthefirstthingshesayswhenherfacefillsthescreenafteronering,andallIcandoisrollmyeyes.
“Andwewonderwherewegetourdramaticsfrom,”Isay,turninginmychairandlookingoutsideatthesunshiningintotheofficeontheflowers.Thenlookingbackatherasshepicksupacupofcoffee.
“Yougetthatfromyourfather.”Shepointsatthescreenandthengoesquiet.“Areyouokay?”
“I’mfine,”Iassureher,andshejustlaughsatme,clappingherhands.
“Youareonehundredpercentmostdefinitelynotfine,”shehuffs.“Andit’sokaynottobefine,Clarabella.”
“Okay,I’mnotfinefine,”Iadmittoher.“ButI’mnotlike‘woeisme’notfine.”
“Interesting,”shesays,andIcanseehertappingherfingeronthetable.“DoesthishavetodowithLuke?”
“Probably.”Ilookather.“Iwassopissedthathejusttoldeveryonemybusiness.”
“Holdononeminute.”Sheputsherhandup.“Edwardcameatyouinpublicandtriedtohumiliateyoubyturningthetablesonyou.”Hervoicegoeslouder.“AndyougotmadatLuke?”
“Ididn’tseeitatfirst,”Ihuff.“ButIdidwhenwespokeaboutit.”
“Good.”Shenodsherhead.“Whenareyoubringinghimtomeetme?”
Ilaugh.“Noidea.”
“ClarabellaBaker,IwillshowupathisrestaurantonFridaytomeethimwithorwithoutyou,”shewarns.“I’dratheritbewithyou.”
“Sowhenyousaidwhenareyoubringinghimtomeetyou,whatyouforgottosayisyouhaveuntilFriday.”Ilookather,andsheshrugs.
“Youtakeitthewayyouwantto.”Shesmilesatme,andIfillherinaboutEdward,somethingthatIdidn’ttellmysisters.“YouareluckyIwasn’tthere.”Sheleansbackinherchair.“Thosemofos.”Ican’thelpbutlaughoutloudatherslang,andthephoneshowsmethatLukeiscalling.
“Mom,Ihavetocallyouback,”Isay,andshejusthangsuponme.“Hello,”Ianswerthephone,notbotheringtohidemysmile.
“Hey,”hegreetssoftly.“Areyoubusyforlunch?”
“No,”Isayrightaway,andevenifIwas,Iwouldmaketime,whichiscrazy.SinceIwouldneverhavebefore.
“Good,I’llpickyouupateleven,”hestates,andIlaugh.“Also,itmightbesafetosayyoumightnotgobacktoworkthisafternoon.”
“Isthatafact?”Ican’thelpbutshakemyheadandlookoveratmyscheduleinfrontofme,seeingthatI’mfree.“Well,consideringI’myourwomanandall.”
“Iseeyouknowyourrole,”hesays,laughing.“Pickyouupateleven.”Hedoesn’tevengivemeachancetoanswerhim.Hejusthangsup.
“Whatthefuck?”Isaytomyself,lookingdownatthephone.
“Thatmustbepartofbeinghiswoman.”Presley’svoicecomesontheintercom,andallIcandoislaugh.
“Iguessso,”ImumbletomyselfasItrytokeepbusyuntileleven.Chapter30
Luke
Islamthetruckdoorandwalkupthefrontstepstoheroffice.Idon’tthinkI’veevergoneinthroughhere,andassoonasIwalkin,Iputmysunglassesonthetopofmyhead.IlookaroundtheroomandseePresleysittingdownatthefrontdesk.“Hi,”Isaytoher.Shesmiles,picksupthephone,andIhearhervoicecomeoutonthespeaker.
“Lukeisheretopickuphiswoman,”shesays,smirkingatme,andIshakemyhead.
“Iguessyouheardaboutthat.”Iputmyhandsonmyhips.
“Oh,didwe.”Sheleansbackinthechair.“Weevengoogledwhatdoesbeinghiswomanmean.”
Inodmyheadather.“And?”
“Therewereacoupleofthings,”shesays,tryingnottolaugh.“Onesaidthatyouwantedtobetheonlymaninherlife,andtheother—”
“Saidsomethingaboutatiaraandasash,”Shelbysays,comingintotheroomnow,tryingtohidehersmile.
“I’lllookintothat,”Isay,puttingmyhandsinmybackpocketsandhopinglikefuckthatClarabellagetsherassoutherefast.
“Goaway.”Ihearhervoiceandlookoverather,seeingherwalkintotheroom.Ican’thelpbutsmilewhenshetucksastrandofhairbehindherear.Shewalkstome,andI’mexpectinghertostopinfrontofme,butinstead,shecomeschesttochestwithmeandkissesmylips.Iputmyhandsonherhips,bringingherevenclosertome.“Hi,”shesays,oncesheletsgoofmylips.
“Hi.”Ismileatherandkissheragain.“Readytogo?”Shenodsherhead.“Itwasapleasure.”IlookatShelbyandthenPresley.
“Don’tdoanythingIwouldn’tdo,”Shelbyteases.
“Yeah,andthatsaysalotfromthewomanwhohadsexatthesideofherhouselastweekend.”Presleyshakesherhead
“CanIgetanyprivacyinthisplace?”Shelbythrowsherhandsintheairandturnstowalkoutoftheroom.
Clarabellaslipsherhandinmineaswewalkout.“ShouldIfollowyouor…?”
“Nah,”Isay,openingthetruckdoorforher.“Icanbringyoubacktoworktomorrow.”
Shegetsinthetruck,andIleaninandkissher.Thistime,mytongueslidesintomeethers.“AsmuchasIlovekissingyou,”shesays,pushingmeaway.“Weareoncamera.”Istepbackasifsomeonetossedcoldwateronme,andIlookupandseethecamerapointedatme.Iwavemyhandbeforewalkingaroundthetruckandgettingin.Igrabherhand,bringingittomylipsandthenholdingitbetweenmylegsasIdriveawaytothesecretplaceIpickedout.
Iopenthedoorandthengrabthepicnicbasketfromthebackseat,andshemeetsmebehindthetruck.“Thisissonice.”Shelooksaround.“I’veneverbeenhere.”
“Good,”Isay,grabbingherhandandwalkingwithherupthehilltothetopwherewecanlookdownatthefieldinthedistance.Ipickaspotunderthetreethatgivesussomeshade.Iopenthebasket,takingouttheblanket,andputitdownforherasshekicksoffherballerinashoesandsitsdown.MyheartstartstospeedupwhenIsitdownandtakeeverythingout.
“What’sgoingon?”sheasks,lookingatme.“Youbecamequietallofasudden.”
Isitdownandlookoverather.“MybusinesspartnercalledmefromNewYorkthismorning.”
Icantellrightawaythatitbothersherwhenhereyesgetdarker.
“Oh,”shesays,movingthebaskettohersothatshecankeepherhandsbusy.
“Clarabella,”Icallhername,andshelooksupatme.“Whatdoyouwantoutoflife?”
“Um…”shesays.“That’saloadedquestion.”
“Isitreally?”Ilaughnervously.
“Whatdoyouwantoutoflife?”Sheturnsthequestiononme.
“Um,that’seasy,”Isay,andifyouwouldhaveaskedmefourmonthsago,itwouldhavebeenthehardestquestiontoanswer.“Asuccessfulbusiness.”
“Same,”sheagrees,smiling.
“So,wegotthatone.Wecanputachecknexttothat.”Ipickupmyhandandputaninvisiblecheckmarkintheair.“Iwantsomeonetocomehometo.”Iswallowdown,lookingather.
“Ididn’tknow,”shestartstosay.“ButIwantthesame.”Shelooksdownandthenlooksupagain.“WhenEdwardaskedmetomarryhim,Ifeltlikeadeerintheheadlights.ButthenIdon’tknow.”Sheshrugs.“Igotexcitedaboutallthethingsthatcamewithit.EvenwhenIthoughtIwasgettingcoldfeet.”
Ilaugh.“Whendidyouthinkyouhadcoldfeet?”Iask,mystomachtightwhenIthinkaboutherwithsomeoneelse.
“Whenyoushowedupintown.”Shesmirksatme.“Maybeabitbeforethen.”
“Whatelsedoyouwant?”Iask,andshestaresatmedeadintheeyes.
“Iwanttoeventuallyhavechildren.”Shesmiles,andherwholefacelightsup.“I’mnotsayingtomorrow,butIwanttohavetheminthenextfiveyears.”Atightnessformsinmychest,andallIcanseeisherwithababyinherarms.“AreyougoingtogotoNewYork?”
“DoyouwantmetogotoNewYork?”Iputmyarmsbehindmeandleanbackonthem.
“Idon’twantyoutochoosebetweenmeandyourdreams,”shesays,notskippingabeat.“Iwouldneverevermakeyouchoose.”
“Butwhatwouldhappentous?”Iask,thetwoofustippy-toeingaroundthemainquestion.
“Nothing.”Sheshakesherhead.“Wecouldcommute,”sheoffers,optimistic.“Icouldcomethereforacoupleofweekends,andyoucancomehere.”
“Sowewoulddolongdistance?”Iask,andatthatmoment,it’stheworstideashe’severhad.Atthatmoment,IknowIdon’teverwanttodothat.Ialsoknowthatherwholelifeishereinthistown.Shehasherbusinesshere,andshehasherfamilyhere.Sheplantedherrootshere,andIwouldnevertakeherawayfromhere.
“Lotsofpeopledoit.”Shesmiles,tryingtoconvincemeandmaybeherself.“It’llbeanadjustment,butIthinkaslongaswecommunicateandputeachotherfirst,itcanworkout.”
Sittingup,Iholdoutmyhandforher,andshecomesovertomeandstraddlesmylap.Herhandsgotothemiddleofmychest.“WhatifItoldyouthatit’snotgoodenough?”Iswallowdownthelumpinmythroat.Shelooksdown,andIseeherblinkingfast,puttingmyfingerunderherchinandliftingupherface.
“Ican’tbelieveyou’redoingthis,”shesays,pushingawayfromme,andIgrabherwaistbeforeshejumpsup,butshe’sfasterthanme.
“Clarabella,”Icallhername,andshejuststartstowalkawaybeforestoppingandturningaround.
“Literally,it’sbeenlessthantwenty-fourhourssinceyoucalledmeyourwoman!”sheshouts,andItrynottolaughather.“Twenty-fourhours.YouliterallystoodinthemiddleofMainStreetandbasicallypeedonmyleg,markingyourterritory.”Fuck,she’sbeautiful.“Andthenonephonecall,andit’slike,seeyoulater.”
“Areyoudone?”Iask,andsheglaresatme.“One,you’refuckingbeautiful.”Iholdupmyhandwithonefingerup.“Two,youaremine.”Iholdupanotherfinger.“Andthree,Iturneditdownalready.”Iholdupthethirdfinger,andhermouthopenstosaysomethingandthensheclosesit,nothingcomingoutofher.“Iturnedhimdown.”
“Whythehellwouldyoudothat?”sheshoutsatme.
Iwalkovertoherandwrapmyarmsaroundherwaist.“Well,forone,”Iexplain.“Ilikewakingupwithyou.IlovethatyouaretherewhenIcomeinatnight.Thethoughtofnotdoingthateverysinglenightoreveneveryothernightisjustnotworthit.”
“Idon’twantyoutonotdoitjustforme,”shesays,wrappingherarmsaroundmyneck.
“I’mnotdoingitforyou,”Iadmittoher.“I’mdoingitforme.”
“Well,that’sgoodtoknow,”shereplies,andIlaugh.
“Ihavetosay,youreallyarehotwhenyou’repissedoff,”Igrowlandbendtokissherneck.“Ithoughtyouweregoingtothroatpunchme,andI’veneverbeensoturnedoninmylife.”
“Youareasick,sickman.”Sheshakesherhead.
“Mustbesickinlove,”Ioffer,andforthefirsttimeinmylife,I’minlovewithsomeone,andIwanttoshoutitfromtherooftops.“Withyou.”Shegoesstiffinmyarms.“Breathe,”Iurge.“Justtakeadeepbreathinandthenout.”
“Luke,”shewhispers.
“Canwegohomenow?”Iask,andsheshakesherhead.
“Youcan’tjustthrowoutthatyouaresickinlove.”Shesniffles,andIseethetearsinhereyes.“It’snotokay.”
Ichuckleather.“It’smorethanokay,”Iinformher.
“Mymotherwantstomeetyou,”sheblurtsout.
“Okay.”Ismile.
“IthinkIloveyou.”Shetakesadeepbreath.“Like,IknewIlikedyoualotsincewewereinschool,andthenwhenwegotcloseagain,Ifeltsomething,butItoldmyselfitwasnothing.Thenyouleft,andithurtsobadeventhoughIpretendeditdidn’t.”Shepalmsmyfaceinoneofherhands.“Andnowwhenyoutoldmeyouwereleaving,Ireallyfuckinghatedtheidea.”Ican’thelpbutlaugh.“Imean,Iwouldsupportyouanddowhateveryouwanted,butIdidn’tlikeit,andthenithitmelikeakickinthevaginathatIloveyou.”Shewipesatearthatrollsdownherface.
“It’sgoodtoknow.”Igrabherfaceinmyhandsandkissher.“Nowcanwegohomeandhavemake-upsex?”Shelooksatmeandthenlooksattheblanketunderthetree.“Areyouinsane?Youknowthatbeingmywomanmeansnoonegetstoseeyoubutme.”Sherollshereyes.“Andthatmeanswehavesexwherenoonecanseeorhearyou.”
“Buzzkill,”sheretorts,lettinggoofmeandthenwalkingbacktotheblanketandshovingeverythinginthebasket.“Shelbyhassexeverywhere,”shemumbles.“MaybeI’mgoodwithbeingagirlfriendandnotawoman.”Thiswomanmakesmecrazyoneminuteandthenjustmakesmelaughthenextone,andI’mgoingtohavesomuchfunhavingmake-upsex
DearestLove,
Anotherweddingseasonisbehindus.OurveryownClarabellatiedtheknot.Itwasinthemiddleofnowherewithnocellservice,anditwasjustthewayitwasalwayssupposedtobe.
ItlookslikeCupidisaiminghisbowatPresley.ExceptPresleyhasshieldedherselfwithbodyarmor.Butnothingcouldprotectherfromthestork.
Lookslikethatplussignwillhaveherwalkingdowntheaisle,orwillshestillbethelonewolfshethinkssheis?
XOXO
NM.
MineToLoveEpilogueOne
EpilogueOne
Clarabella
“Clarabella!”Lukeyellsmynamefromdownstairs.“Let’sgo.”
Igrabmybagontopofthebedandwalktothehallway.“Clarabella,”herepeatsmynameagain.
“OhmyGod,”Isay,walkingdownthestairsandseeinghimstandingtherewithbothhandsonthebanisterashecallsmyname.“Wouldyouholdyourhorses?”Ilookdownathim,andhelookssohandsomeinhisblackjeansandablackT-shirt.“Whatisthebigrushthismorning?”
“It’sthefirsttimewe’vehadoffinweeks.”HegrabsmyhipsasIstandonthestepinfrontofhim,lookingdownathim.“AndIwanttogetgoingsowecanstartnakedweekend.”
“One.”Iholdupmyfreehand.“Yousaidweareleavingbynine.”Iturnmyhandoverandseethatit’snineten.“I’mtenminuteslate,andthat’sbecauseyoudecidedthatyouwantedtoshowerwithme.”
“Hmm.”Hepullsmecloser.“Thatwasfun.”Hesmilesupatme,andmyheartspeedsupinmychest,andmystomachfeelslikeawavehittingtheshoreeverysingletime.It’sbeenoversixmonthsnow,andhonestlyeverysingletimehekissesmeit’slikethefirsttimealloveragain.“Andit’salwaysagooddecisiontogetyounakedandwet.”Hekissesmeagain.“Nowcanwegetontheroad?”
“Wecan.”Itakeastepdownashegrabsthebagfromme.
“Whyisthissoheavy?”heasks,usheringmeoutofthehouse.“It’snakedweekend.Youdon’tneedalltheseclothes.”
Ilaughathim.“I’mgoingtoleavesomeclothesthere,”Iexplain,andhejustshrugs.
“Idon’tknowwhy;itmightbenakeddayeverytimewearethere,”hesays,openingthebackdoorandthrowingmybagontopoftheseat.
“Whereisyourbag?”Iaskwhenheopensthepassengerdoorforme.
“It’snakedweekend.”Hepffts.“WhydoIneedabag?”
Ilookathim.“Igotnothing,”Ireply,closingthedoorandwatchinghimwalkaroundthetruck.Itakemyphoneoutofmypocketandtextmysisters.
Me:Headingoutrightnow.
Presley:BYEEEEEEEE.
Shelby:Enjoynakedweekend.
Me:Howdidyouknowaboutthat?
Shelby:Ihavetoadmitthewallsarereallythininthisplace.
Presley:Yes,pleasekeepthatinmindthenexttimeyouthinkyouwanttotalkaboutgettingithard.Atthispoint,I’msurprisedI’mnotaragingalcoholic.
Ican’thelpbutlaugh.“What’ssofunny?”Lukeaskswhenwebackoutofthedriveway.
Ilookoverandreachouttorunmyhandthroughthehairatthebackofhishead.“Presleyheardustalkingaboutnakedweekend.”
“Isthereanythingthatyoursistersdon’tknow?”heasksme,andIrollmylips.
“Theydon’tknowthat.”Itrytothink.“Theydon’tknowthatwelivetogether,”Isay,andhewhipshisheadaround.“Imean,theyknowwelivetogether,buttheydon’tknowyouofficiallymovedinandwillbesellingyourhouse.”
“We’vebeenlivingwitheachothersinceyouralmostweddingday,”hejokeswithmeandshakeshishead,laughing.“Well,aftertoday,thereisgoingtobeaforsalesign,soitwon’tbeasecretforlong.”Hishandfindsmineatthebackofhisneck,andhebringsittohismouth,kissingmyfingers.IleanmyheadtothesideasIwatchthetreesaswedriveuptohiscabin.Wetrytogetawayandcomehereatleastacoupleofdaysamonth,butthepasttwomonthshavebeencrazybusyforthebothofus.Especiallysincewejustpartneredtogetherwithapropertythathewaslookingatoutbythelake.Itisagreatspaceforarestaurantduringtheweek,andthentheweekendswillbeamazingforweddings.Hewillbethein-housechef,andwewillruntheevents.Wedidn’tknowwhattoexpect,butitisnowfullybookedforthenextthreeyears.
Hepullsuptothecabin,andjustlikethefirsttime,IlethimwalkinfirstjustincasewehavespecialvisitorsthatI’mnotokaywith.Hecomesoutsmiling.“It’sallclear.”Hewalksdownthestepstome.“Iloveyou.”Hekissesmylips,thenmovestothesidesoIcanwalkintothecabin.Myheadisdown,andwhenIstepinside,Ilookupattheglowofcandlesandstopinmytracks.
Thewholelivingroomlookslikeit’sbeenclearedout,andpaintedinthemiddleofthewallis“Youhavemywholeheartformywholelife,”andunderitisfairylightsthathangdown,andpicturesofusfillthewholewall.MyfeetmoveontheirownasIlookatthepictureswe’vetakeninthepastsixmonths.Iturnaroundseeingwhite,peach,ithasalwaysbeenandwillforeverbeyou
IputmyhandstomymouthandturnaroundtoseeLukeinthemiddleoftheroomdownononeknee;thesobripsoutofme,andIbenddown,tryingtolaughandsmilewhileIcrytearsofhappiness.“Wow,thisisaloteasierthanIthoughtitwasgoingtobe,”Lukesaystome,andIseehisowntearsinhiseyes.“WhenIwenttoaskyourmotherforyourhandinmarriage,Iwassonervous.”Iputmyhandtomychestthathewentoutofhiswaytoaskher,knowinghowharditmusthavebeenforhimbutknowingthatitwaswhatIwouldhavewanted.“Andthewholetimeleadinguptothisminuterightherehasbeenaroller-coasterridetosaytheveryleast.”Helaughs.“Butkneelinginfrontofyou,knowingthatI’mgoingtoaskyoutospendforeverwithme,isthecalmestI’veeverbeen.Clarabella,thereisnotonedaythatgoesbythatIdon’thaveasmileonmyface.ThereisnotonedaythatgoesbythatI’mnotthankfulforsomanythings.”Helooksdown.“EspeciallysinceIdidn’thavemuchtobethankfulfor.ThereisnotonedaythatgoesbythatIdon’tthinkI’mtheluckiestguyonearthbecauseIgettocomehometoyou.BecauseIgettowakeupwithyou.BecauseIgettokissyourlipswhenIwant.BecauseIgettoholdyourhand.BecauseIgettocheeryouonwhenyoubecomethebosslady.Everythingaboutyoumakesmeloveyouevenmore.Iknowthatyoudon’tneedsomeonetomakeyouwhole.”Helaughs.“ButIneedyoutomakemewhole.Withoutyou,I’mashell.”Hetakestheblackboxoutofhisbackpocket.“Clarabella,willyoubemywife?”
Ican’thelpbutlaugh.“Isthatabovebeingyourwoman?”Thequestionmakeshimlaugh.
“Itdefinitelygetsyouatiara,”hesays,openingthetop,andtobehonest,Idon’tevenfuckingcarewhat’sinthebox.ItcouldbefromaCrackerJackbox.
“Imean,ifIgetatiara,”Isay,laughingasthetearspourdownmyface.“Yes.”
TheminuteIsayyes,Ihearcommotionbehindmeandlookovertoseemyfamilycomingoutofthebedroom.“Abouttime,”Presleysays,comingovertomeandhuggingme.
“Whatareyouguysdoinghere?”IaskthemafterIhugmymother.
“Sorrytointrudeonyournakedweekend,”mymothersays,andIcanhearmoaningcomingfromLuke.“ButIcouldn’tnotbehere.”
“Canwejustgooutsidesowecansitdown?”Presleysays,lookingatus.
“Wecanbringthecouchinfromthebedroom,”Travissuggests,andshejustshakesherhead.
“Theyhavenakedweekendshere.”ShepointsatmeandthenLuke.“Therehavebeenasscheeksandballsacksalloverthisplace.”Sheputsherhandinfrontofhermouth.“AndI,forone,amnottouchinganything.”
“Youhelpeddecorate,”Ipointout.
“Sheworeglovesandamask,”ShelbyshareswithAcebesideher,hisarmwrappedaroundhershoulders.
IlookoveratTravis,whohasHarlowbesidehimasshehugshiswaist.“Um,”Isay,lookingateveryoneintheroomandthenbackatLuke.“We’reengaged,right?”Iask,andhejustlooksatme,andtheonlyonewhoisthinkingwhatI’mthinkingisPresley,whogroans.“Howhardwoulditbetogetmarriedhere?”
“Iknewit,”Presleygloats.“Ifuckingcalledit.”
“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”Lukesays,andItakeadeepbreath.
“Ihadthebigweddingplanned,”Iremindhim.
“Iknow,Idroveyouawayfromit,”hesays,puttinghishandsonhiships.
“Whatshe’stryingtosayisthatshehadthebigwedding,andnowallshewantstodoisgetmarried,”mymothersays,steppingforward,smilingatmewithbigtearsinhereyes.
“Imean,wealreadyhavefoodfortheengagementparty,”Lukesays,andIjuststareathiminshock.“Andyoursistersalreadyhadthedecorationsbroughtdown.”
“AndImighthavesnuckinadress,”Presleyadmits,andallIcandoisstareinshock.
Iholdupmyhand.“Whereisthiscelebrationtakingplace?”Iask.
“Comethisway.”Lukeholdsouthishandforme,andIwalktohim,andheslipstheringonmyfinger.“Nowit’sofficial.”IshakemyheadasIfollowhimoutandwalkdownthestairsashewalkstowardthepaththatwehikein,anarchofwhiteandgreenflowersleadsintowherethereceptionissupposedtohappen.“Whatthefuck?”Hegasps,andIlookaroundtheclearinginthemiddleoftheforestsurroundedbytrees,andtablesaresetup.Hugemoss-likeflowerssitinthemiddleofthetablessurroundedbywhiteroses,andwhatlooksliketreebranchesareinthemiddleoffiveroundtableswithdarkgreentableclothsthatfilltheemptyspace.Whiteplacesettingsaresetupwithsage-greennapkinsoneachplate.Whitevineleavesdrapeoverusasiftheyarefallingontolanternstolightupthearea.It’sthemostromanticthingI’veeverseen.“Youtoldmethatyouwouldhandleit.”
“Andwedid,”Presleyconfirms.“Youareluckythatwecouldn’tputcandlesallaroundthisplace.”Sheputsherhandsonherhips.“Wealsohaveenoughflowersleftovertomakeanicearchway.”
“Weneedtogetsomeonetomarryyou,”Shelbystates.“Andthereisnoservice.”
“I’mordained.”Presleysticksherhandup,andLukejuststaresatherinshock.“Twoyearsago,theofficiantwasinacaraccident,andwell,Ihadtosavetheday.”
“Thereisn’tanythingwecan’tdo,”Shelbydeclares,andIclapmyhands.
“Thenlet’sgetmarried,”Lukesays.
“Areyousure?”Harlowasksme.“Thismaydelaynakedweekendbylikeeighthours.”
“That’sadealbreakerforme,”Ijoke.“Wecouldgetmarriednaked.”
“Ijustthrewupinmymouth,”Travissays,puttingafisttohismouth.“AndnowIneedboozetotaketheimageoutofmyhead.”
“OhmyGod,areyoureallydoingthis?”mymotherasks.“Notthenakedpart.”Sheshakesherhead.“Butareyoureally,reallygoingtogetmarriedhere?”
IlookoveratLuke,andeverythinginmecalmsdown.“TherehasneverbeenanythingthatIhavebeensureraboutinmylife.”Ismileathim.
“Really?”Presleysays,andShelbyslapsherarm.“What?I’mjustasking.Sheliterallywasgoingtogetmarriedthisyeartosomeoneelse.”
“Presley,”mymotherscoldsbetweenclenchedteeth,butnothingcouldstopthesmilethatfillsmyface.
“Let’sgo,people.Youhavethirtyminutes!”Ishoutandturntowalkbacktothehouse.
“Howarewegoingtodothis?”Travissays,andinthreeminutes,ShelbyandPresleyhavegivenoutorders.
“Thedressisinthebedroomhanginginthecloset,”Presleyexplainswhenwewalkintothebedroom.ShewalksoverandgrabsacoupleofblackgarmentbagsandturnstoLuke.“Youcanhavethebathroom,andthenyouleave.”Shelooksathim.“Immediatelyleave.”ThenshehandsonetoTravisandAce.“Youfollowhim.”ThenshemotionswithherheadtoHarlowandmymother.“Ifyoudon’thaveavagina,youarenotallowedinthisroom.”Sheslamsthedoorintheguys’faces.“Now,wherewerewe?”Shelooksatme.“Iwanttosay,thankGodyouwashedyourhair.”
EverythingisablurafterthatmomentandtheonlymomentIwillrememberiswhenshetakesmydressout,andIgettears.“Howdidyouknow?”Iaskmysister.
“Youspentwaytoomuchtimelookingatitwhenwewenttothestorelastmonth,”Presleyreplies.
“Itwastheonlydressthatyouwentuptoandtouched,”Shelbyadds,smiling.Lastmonth,wehadtogoandhelpabridepickoutadress,andtheminuteIsawthisdresshanging,Ienvisionedmyselfwearingit.“Now,let’sgetyoudressed.”
IwalkovertothedressandstepintoitasIpullitupandholdthefronttomychest.It’sgotasweetheartneckline,andthetophalfisanivorysatin.Islipmyhandsintotheoff-the-shoulderbigpuffychiffonsleeves.Mysisterstiethethreebuttonsintheback,andwhenIlookdownatthemulti-layeredchiffonbottom,Ifeellikeaprincess.Mymotherbuttonsonecuffatmywrist,andHarlowbuttonsthesecondone.“Thisistheone,”Isay,puttingmyhandtomystomach.
“Wearejustmissingonething,”Shelbynotes,lookingatPresleyandtryingtohidehertears.
“Ahusband,”mymothersays,andwealllaughasIturntowalkoutofthebedroomandstopwhenIseeLuketherewaitingforme.He’swearingblackpantsandawhitebutton-downshirtuntucked.Thesleevesarerolleduptohiselbows,hishairispushedback,andyoucanseewherehisfingersranthroughit.He’sneverlookedhotter.Hisfaceisfilledwithasmilewhenhelooksatme.
“OhmyGod.”Thosearetheonlywordshesaysashewipesatearaway.
“Youhaveonejob,”Shelbywarns.“One.”
“I…”Lukestartstosay.
“It’snotlikeyou’veneverseenherinaweddingdressbefore,”Presleysays,andmymothermoans.“What?It’strue.”
“Ican’twaituntilit’syourturn,”HarlowsaystoPresley,andshethrowsherheadbackandlaughs.
“Please,afteryouthree?”Shepointsatus.“I’mdyingalonewithmytencats.”
“Whywouldyougettencats?”Shelbyasks,shakingherhead.
“Wearegoingtowaitoutside,”Harlowsayswithasmile.“Pleasekeepallclotheson.”
Ican’thelpbutchuckleasshewalksout,andmyheartspeedsupwhenit’sjustthetwoofus.“Youlookbeautiful.”
“Betterthanthefirstone?”Iask,andhenodshishead.
“Thisisyou,”hesays,comingtome.“Andyouaremine.”
“Iamyours,”Iconfirmtohim,andhekissesmylips.“Now,canwegoandmakemeyourwife?”
“Wecan,”heagrees,kissingmylipsonemoretime.“Allthistime,”hecontinues,holdingmyhandaswewalkoutofthehouse,“youwerealwaysgoingtobemine.”Ilookoverathimashebringsmyhandtohislips.“AndI’llcherishyouforever.”EpilogueTwo
Luke
Oneyearlater
“Honey,I’mhome!”IshoutasIwalkintothehouseandslamthedoorbehindme.Walkingtothekitchen,IexpecttoseeClarabellasittingattheisland,butallthatisthereisherpurse.Hershoesarekickedoffbesidetheisland.“Hello!”Ishoutupthestairs,andafteraminute,whenIdon’thearanything,Iwalkupthesteps.Igostraight
“Inhere.”Hervoicecomesoutsoft,andIwalkoverandopenthedoor,expectinghertobeinthebath.Sheisn’t.Instead,sheissittinginthemiddleofthebathroomwithherlegscrossedandabrownbagbesideher.Thereareopenboxesnexttoherandinfrontofherarewhatlooklikefiveorsixwhitemarkers.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Iaskandseetheworryonherface.
“Doyouknowwhattheseare?”Shepointsatthethingsinfrontofher.
Iwalkoverandsquatdowninfrontofherandseeatearrollingdownhercheek,andmywholebodygoesstiff.Mystomachisinmythroat,andmywholebodygoesonalertaseverysinglepossiblescenariogoesthroughmymind.“Ihavenoidea,”Isaytoherandreachouttopickupone.IturnoverthewhitestickinmyhandandseethewordPregnantinthemiddleofit.Myeyesflybacktoher.
“Iknow,”shesayssoftly.“Imean,Ididn’tknow,whichiswhyIdecidedIneededtotakesix.Idon’tknowhowithappened.”
“Well,wedohavealotofsex,”Iremindher.“Areyousadabouthavingababywithme?”Ican’tevenswallowthelumpinmythroat.
“No.”Shegetsuponherknees.“Iwasscaredyouwouldbesad.”
“What?”Isay,shocked.“Whythefuckwouldyoueventhinkthat?”
“Idon’tknow.Weneverreallydiscussedit,”shesays,gettingupandpacinginfrontofme.
“Didyouordidyounottellmeyouwantbabies?”Igetup,stillholdingthetestinmyhand.
“Well,yeah,ItoldyouthatIwantedbabies.”Sheputsherhandsonherhips.“Butyouneversaidyoudid.”
“Imarriedyou.”Ichuckle.“WhichmeansthatIacceptedeverythingyouwanted.”Shejustopenshermouth,andthenItakethestepstoher.“It’sanhonorforyoutohaveourbabies.ThereisnooneelseinthewholeworldIwanttohavekidswith.ThereisnooneelseinthewholeworldIwanttodolifewithexceptyou.”Iholdherfaceinmyhandsandkissherlips.
“Thatwassweet,”shesays.“ButIpeedonthatstick,andit’snowonmyface.”IdropmyhandsandlaughjustlikeIalwaysdo.
“Everythingwithyouislaughterandjoy.”Ilookbackdownatthestickinmyhand.“AndIcan’twaitforourchildrentofeelwhatitistobeloved.”Myeyescomebackuptofindhers.“Notgoingtolie,I’mscaredthatI’mnotgoingtoknowwhattodo.”
“Please.”Sherollshereyes.“Allthebabiesloveyou.It’slikeyou’reababywhisperer.”
Mywholechestfeelslikeit’sgoingtoexplode.“Thisiscrazy.”Ishakemyhead.Shecomestomeandwrapsherarmsaroundmychest.
“Andjustlikethat.”Shesmiles.
TheEnd
Areyoureadyformore?
MineToLove
FromUSATodaybestsellingauthorNatashaMadisoncomesasmalltown,surprisepregnancyromance.
Nothingsaysforeverliketwopinklines!
Presley
Aftermysisters’disastrousweddings,I’mnevergoingtogetmarried.
I’lljuststaysingleforever.
Itdoesn’tmatterthatI’minlovewithmybrother’sbestfriend.
OrthatBennettandIshouldn’tevenbefriendswithbenefits.
UntilthepositivesigntellsmeI’mpregnant.
Bennett
IfellinlovewithPresleywhenshewaseighteenandaskedmeforafavor.
Shedidn’twanttogotocollegeavirgin.
Isaidno,butshekissedme,andIwaslostinher.
Yearslater,I’lltakeherwithanyrulesshegivesme.
Shethinksthisisjustafling.She’swrong.
Becauseshe’salwaysbeenminetoloveBooksByNatashaMadison
SouthernWeddingSeries
MineToKiss
MineToHave
MineToHold
MineToCherish
MineToLove
MineToTake
MineToKeep
MinetoHonor
TheOnlyOneSeries
OnlyOneKiss
OnlyOneChance
OnlyOneNight
OnlyOneTouch
OnlyOneRegret
OnlyOneMistake
OnlyOneLove
OnlyOneForever
MadeForSeries
MadeForMe
MadeForYou
MadeForUs
MadeforRomeo
SOUTHERNSERIES
SouthernChance
SouthernComfort
SouthernStorm
SouthernSunrise
SouthernHeart
SouthernHeat
SouthernSecrets
SouthernSunshine
ThisIs
ThisIsCrazy
ThisIsWild
ThisIsLove
ThisIsForever
HollywoodRoyalty
HollywoodPlayboy
HollywoodPrincess
HollywoodPrince
SomethingSeries
SomethingSoRight
SomethingSoPerfect
SomethingSoIrresistible
SomethingSoUnscripted
SomethingSoBOXSET
TemptSeries
TemptTheBoss
TemptThePlayboy
TemptTheHookup
TemptTheEx
Heaven&HellSeries
HellandBack
PiecesofHeaven
Heaven&HellBoxSet
LoveSeries
PerfectLoveStory
UnexpectedLoveStory
BrokenLoveStory
MixedUpLove
FauxPasFREEBOOK!
Doyouwantafreebookthatisnotavailableonanyotherretailers?Nowisyourchance:
FREEBOOK!!!
Iwouldlovetokeepintouchwithyou!
Website
Facebook
Instagram
Goodreads
Reader’sGroup
© Copyright Notice
The copyright of the article belongs to the author. Please do not reprint without permission.
THE END
No comments yet