MineToLove
NatashaMadisonCopyright?2022NatashaMadison.E-BookandPrintEdition
Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthisbookmaybereproducedortransmittedinanyformorbyanymeans,electronicormechanical,includingphotocopying,recording,orbyanyinformationstorageandretrievalsystem,withoutpermissioninwriting.
Thisisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,placesandincidentsaretheproductoftheauthor’simaginationorareusedfactiously,andanyresemblancetoanyactualpersonsorlivingordead,eventsorlocalsareentirelycoincidental.
Theauthoracknowledgesthetrademarkstatusandtrademarkownersofvariousproductsreferencedinthisworkoffiction,whichhavebeenusedwithoutpermission.Thepublication/Useofthesetrademarksisnotauthorized,associatedwith,orsponsoredbythetrademarkowner.
Allrightsreserved
CoverDesign:JayAheerhttps://www.simplydefinedart.com/
EditingdonebyJennySimsEditing4Indies
EditingdonebyKarenHrdickaBarrenAcresEditing
ProofingJulieDeatonbyDeatonAuthorServiceshttps://www.facebook.com/jdproofs/
ProofingbyJudy’sproofreadingwww.judysproofreading.com
CreatedwithVellumContents
WeddingSeriesTree
SouthernTree
Prologue
Chapter1
Chapter2
Chapter3
Chapter4
Chapter5
Chapter6
Chapter7
Chapter8
Chapter9
Chapter10
Chapter11
Chapter12
Chapter13
Chapter14
Chapter15
Chapter16
Chapter17
Chapter18
Chapter19
Chapter20
Chapter21
Chapter22
Chapter23
Chapter24
Chapter25
Chapter26
Chapter27
Chapter28
Chapter29
EpilogueOne
EpilogueTwo
BooksByNatashaMadison
FREEBOOK!WeddingSeriesTree
SouthernWeddingFamilytree
MineToHave
Harlow&Travis
MineToHold
Shelby&Ace
MineToCherish
Clarabella&Luke
MinetoLove
Presley&Bennett
MineToTake
Sofia&MatthewPetrovSouthernTree
SouthernFamilytree
BillyandCharlotte
(MotherandfathertoKallieandCasey)
SouthernChance
Kallie&JacobMcIntyre
EthanMcIntyre(SavannahSon)
Amelia
Travis
SouthernComfort
Olivia&CaseyBarnes
Quinn(SouthernHeat)
Reed(SouthernSunshine)
Harlow(MinetoHave)
SouthernStorm
Savannah&BeauHuntington
EthanMcIntyre(Jacob’sson)
Chelsea(SouthernHeart)
Toby
Keith
SouthernSunrise
Emily&EthanMcIntyre
Gabriel
Aubrey
SouthernHeart
ChelseaHuntington&MaysonCarey
Tucker
SouthernHeat
Willow&QuinnBarnes
SouthernSecrets
AmeliaMcIntyre&Asher
SouthernSunshine
Hazel&ReedBarnes
SophiaPrologue
DearestLove,
Forthefirsttime,nooneisgettingmarried.
IsohopedPresleywouldfindtheoneandbitethebullet,butnocando.
OratleastthatiswhatIthought.
But…
Alittleplussignhaschangeditall.Now,it’sgettingalittlesticky.Especiallysincethedad-to-beisreadytogetdownonbendedknee.
He’sgoingtoneedamiracletogethertowalkdownthataisle!
Timewilltell!
XOXO
NMChapter1
Presley
ItapthesteeringwheelwithmyperfectlymanicurednailasIsingalongtothesongblastingfromtheradiowhenIpulluptotheoffice.Iparkmycarnexttomysisters’,thengrabmyicedlatteandmynewYvesSt.Laurentbag.Puttingmypurseundermyarm,Ishutthedoorandtakealookaround,seeingtheflowersstartingtobloomonthetrees.WhenmysistersandIdecidedtogointobusinesstogether,wegottheideafromourmomandaunt,whoranasmallweddingplanningbusiness.Butthethreeofusdidn’tjustwanttoplanweddings.No,wewantedtobethebesteventplannersinthebusiness,andwiththatcametheideatobuildourowneventspace.Weboughtahugepieceoflandandslowlybuiltitup.
Ourmainofficeswereinanicelittlebungalowwebuiltwiththreeofficesupstairswherethebedroomswouldbe,andthedownstairswasalittlesetupofthingswehavedonealongwithpicturesfromallourevents.Ilookofftowardtherightandseethefoodtruckaswell.Themainthingthattookthelongesttobuildwastheactualeventbuilding.
Itlookslikeabarnfromtheoutside,butonceyougetinside,you’llfindrusticwoodenfloorsandexposedwoodenbeamsthatcanbedressedup.Itcanfituptofivehundredandfiftypeople.Rightbehindthebarnisakitchenwherethecatererscansetup.
Ismile,turningandmakingmywayupthestairs.Thesoundofmyheelsontheconcretestepsechoesinthequietnessofthemorning.
Igrabthedoorhandle,pullitopen,andstepin.Thecoldairhitsmerightaway.Steppingin,IseeClarabellaandShelbystandinginthewaitingarea.Itakeabiginhale.“Youknowwhatthatsmellslike?”Ismile,lookingatbothofthem.Theystandinfrontofme.Clarabellainbluepantsandawhitetop.Shelbyinwhitejeansandasilkpinktanktop.
“Likeyou’vehadsex?”Clarabellasays,lookingatme.Iglareather,butshecan’tseesincemyblacksunglasseshidemyeyes.Shebringshercupofcoffeetoherlips,tryingtohidethesmilebehindit,butherblueeyessquint.
“No,asshole,”Isay,“itsmellslikeweddingseason.”
“ItsmelledlikecowshitwhenIdroveuptoday,”Shelbycomplains,herfacegrimaced.“ButIguessIshouldseetheglasshalffull.”
“Oh,comeon,”Iurge,liftingmyglassesontopofmyhead.“It’ssunnyandbeautifuloutside.”Ipointattheopenshadeasthesunshinesintotheoffice.“It’sgoingtobeagreatday.”
“Idon’tlikethis,Presley.”Clarabellapointsatme.“EversinceyougotintotheZenshit,it’slikeIdon’tevenknowwhoyouare.”
“It’snotaboutbeingZen.It’saboutlookingforthegoodintheday,”Isay,walkingdownthehallwaytowardmyoffice.IpassShelby’sandClarabella’soffices.Mineisallthewayinthebackwithallthewindows.
“Iblameyou,”Clarabellaaccuses.IlookovermyshoulderassheglaresatShelby,whojuststandstherewithhermouthopen.
“Whyme?”sheshrieksandpointsatherchest.
“Yougotherthateat,pray,lovebullshitdiary,”Clarabellasays,shakingherheadandturningtofollowmeintomyoffice.“Tellmefivethingsthatmadeyousmiletoday,”shemimicsoneofthequestionsinthebook.“Takeaminutetotelluswhatwentwrongbut,intheend,didn’tchangetheoutcome.”IchuckleatherasIwalkaroundmydesk,puttingmyicedcoffeedownonthecoasterbeforewalkingovertotheblindsandopeningthemtoletthesunshinein.
“Igotyouthesameone,”Shelbypointsout.“Andyoustayednormal.”Theybothwalkintomyoffice,goingovertositonthewhiteloveseatIhaveagainstthewallthatfacesmydesk.
“Ithastobethesex,then.”Clarabellalooksatme,andIpinchmyeyebrowstogether,admittingnothing.TryingtoportraythecoolcollectivenessthatI’mattemptingtochannel.
“Ihavenoideawhatyou’retalkingabout,”Iliethroughmyteeth.“Igotupatfiveo’clocktoday.”Isitdownintheofficechair.“AfterIworkedout,Ihadmycoffeeandcountedmyblessings.”
“She’sbroken,”Shelbydeclares,lookingatClarabellawhileIlaugh.“Ibrokeher.”
“I’mnotbroken,”Isay,shakingmyhead,andIwincewhenIcrossmylegs.Rollingmylipsbecauseithasnothingtodowiththeworkout.DidIwakeupatfiveo’clocktoday?Idid.DidIdoittoworkout?Somewouldcallsexthebestworkoutyoucanget.DidIwanttoadmitthistomysisters?Absolutelynot.“MaybeI’mmaturing.”Igrabtheicedcoffeeandbringthecuptomylips.“Imean,I’mgoingtobethirtyinacoupleofmonths,afterall.”
“Oh,hereshegoes.”Shelbyrollshereyes.
“Don’therewego.”Iholdupmyhand.“Wehavesomuchtobethankfulfor.”
“I’mleaving.”Clarabellastands.“Ifshe’sgoingtogoalleat,pray,love,I’mgoingtothrowupthatamazingbreakfastmyhusbandmademethismorning.”Shementionsherhusband,Luke,whoisoneofthebestcooksoutthere.
“Okay,fine,”Ihuff.“I’mjustgoingtosayit’llbenicetogointotheweddingseasonwithneitherofyougettingmarried.”Ismile.“It’slessstresstonothavetoworryiftheweddingisactuallygoingtotakeplace.”Ipointatbothofthem.“BetweenTravisandhisalmostfirstwedding.Toyoubecomingalegendforwalkingdowntheaisleandthenfuckingoff.”IpointatShelby.“Andtoyouforbeingarunawaybride.”IpointatClarabella.
“Iwasn’tarunawaybride,”shehuffs.“Ileft.”Itiltmyheadtotheside.“Quickly.”Iraisemyeyebrowsather.“Inatruck.”
“Literallyleftthesceneofthecrime.”Shelbygetsupnow,laughing.“Leavingthemurderweaponbehind.”
“Well,shedidleavewithadifferentmurderweapon.”Ichuckleatmypunandtakeanothersipoftheicedcoffee.“Hemurderedhervaginawithit.”
“Thathedid,”Clarabellaadmits.“Hestilldoesit.”Shesmileswide.“Now,arewegoingtodiscusssexlivesbecauseifthat’sthecase.”Sheturnsthetablesonmeandtiltsherhead.“Howaboutyougofirst?”
“Don’tyoutwohaveworktodo?”Iglareather,thenturnmyglaretoShelby.“Isn’tthereaphonethatyouneedtogoandhavesexon?”
Shelbyrollshereyesatme.“Whenyourmanstartstraveling—”
“Idon’thaveaman,”Icutheroffquickly.
“Okay,fine.Ifyour‘friend’”—shemakesairquotes—”travels,youtellmeyouwon’thavephonesex.”
“Youcangowithoutsexforaweek.Youwon’tdie.”Ileanbackinthechair.
“Notwhenyouhavegoodsex,”Clarabellastates.“It’slikeadrug.”
Irollmyeyes.“Youcanbothgonow,”Isay,ignoringthewaytheysnickerateachotherastheywalkoutoftheroom.Iturnonmycomputerandworkonreturningemailsandphonecalls.Thethreeofusalldealwithdifferentaspectsoftheplanning.Clarabellatakescareofthefoodanddrinks.Shelbydoesthedecorations,andImeetwiththecouplesandwegooverschedulingofevents.IlookovermycalendarandsettwoalarmsonmyphoneforwhenIhavetobereadyformeetings.
ImeetwithtwobrideswhoImakeanotetocallbacktomorrowforconfirmation,andwhenIfinallylookoutside,Iseethesunisstartingtogodown,andtheofficeiseerilyquiet.Thephoneringsinmyhand,andIlookdownandseehisname.Bennettiscalling.Mystomachgetstight,andmyheartspeedsup,butIpushitalldownandaway.Ithinkaboutnotanswering,butbythesecondring,myfingerisswipingthescreen.“PresleyBaker.”IclosemyeyeswhenIhearhischuckle.
“Hey,gorgeous.”Hisvoicecomesoutsmooth,andrightaway,I’mbacktobeingsixteenyearsold.ItwasthenthatIfellinlovewithhim.HewasandstillismybrotherTravis’sbestfriendand,tothisday,theonlymanI’veeverbeenwith.“Whereareyou?”
“Work,”Isay,walkingbacktomyoffice.“Whereareyou?”
“Justgotoutofameeting.”Ihearhimhuffout,andthenacardoorslams,andIknowhe’sinhiscar.“Whatarewedoingfordinner?”heasksme,andIrollmyeyes.“Youcanstoprollingyoureyes,gorgeous.”
“One,I’vetoldyoutostopcallingmethat.”Butyouloveit,myheadscreamsouttome.“Andtwo,Ididn’trollmyeyes.”Ihearhimchuckle,andthebutterfliesstartinmystomach.“Andthree,I’mbusy.”
“Really?”hesaysasIhearthecallswitchfromhisphonetohisBluetooth.“That’stoobadbecauseIwasgoingtograbacoupleofthoseburgersfromtheplaceyoulike.”
“Smooth.”Ilookattheclock.“Whenwillyoubehome?”
“Aboutforty-fiveminutes,”hesays,andIthinkaboutanexcuse.Ishouldjustgohomeandsoakinatub.
WhatIshouldnotdo,isgotohim.“Fine,I’llmeetyouatyourplace.”Idon’tevenbothersayinggoodbye.Ijustdisconnectonhim.IignorethelaughinginmyheadwhileIcloseupmythings,andforty-fiveminuteslater,Ipulluptohishouseatthesametimeashedoes.I’mabouttoopenmydoorwhenIturnandseehimthereopeningthedoorforme.“Annoying,”Imumblewhenheholdshishandouttome,andIgrabit.ThehammeringinmychestcalmsassoonasIstepoutandcomeface-to-facewithhim.
Hisblackhairpushedbacktotheside,hisfiveo’clockshadowalreadyshowing.Hismuskysmellfillsmynoseashetakesastepin.“Hi,gorgeous,”hesays,wrappingonearmaroundmywaistandthenbendingtokissmylips.“Imissedyou.”Chapter2
Bennett
IwaitforhertowalkoutofthebedroombeforeIopenmyeyes,blinkingacoupleoftimestogetusedtothedarkness.Thesoundofhercreepingaroundthebedroomalwayswakesmeup.Iflipthecoversoffmeandgetout,grabbingmyboxersthatwerethrownonthefloorlastnightwhenwegotupstairs.Itstartedonthecouch,andthenbythetimewegotupstairs,wewerebothfranticwithneed.Therewasatrailofclothingallthewaytothebedroom.Ismiletomyself,knowingshe’sgoingtobesearchingforherpantiesthatItuckedintothecouchwhenIpulledheronmetostraddlemylap.
Walkingoutofthebedroom,Itrymybestnottomakeanynoise.Thesunisslowlycomingup,butit’sstilldarkout,yetIcanmakeoutherfacewiththesoftlightcomingfromthekitchen.EverytimeIseeher,I’malwaystakenabackbyhowgorgeoussheis.Shetucksapieceofherhairbehindherearasshemovesfromthestairstothelivingroom,pickingupthediscardedclothesasshemakesherwayaroundthehouse.
IseeherlookingforherpantiesandhavetorollmylipsbeforeImakeanoise.Shefinallygivesup,grabbingoneofhershoesandthenwalkingacouplemorestepsuntilshefindstheotherone.Shedoesn’tputthemonforfearthatshewillmakeanoise.ItakeacoupleofstepsdownuntilI’minthemiddleofthestaircase.Iseehergrabbingherpursethatsheleftonthetableinthehallway.Sheholdshershoesandpurseclosetoherchestasshetiptoestothefrontdoor.Herblackhairswayssidetosideasshemakesherwaytothedoor.Ishakemyhead.She’ssnuckoutofmyhouseeverytimeshe’sstayedhere.IwaitforherhandtounlockthedoorbeforeIspeak.“Seeyoutonight.”Herhandstopsonthehandle,andherbodygoestense.It’sthefirsttimeI’vegottenoutofbedandconfrontedheronherwayout.“Doyouwanttostayandhavesomecoffee?”Irollmylipswhensheshakesherheadandopensthedoor.“Haveagoodday,gorgeous.”Shedoesn’tturnbacktolookatme.Instead,shewalksoutandslamsthedoorbehindher,makingmeburstoutlaughing.“Presley,Presley,Presley,”IsaytomyselfasIwalkdowntherestofthestepstowardthefrontdoor.
Pullingitopen,Ileanagainstthedoorjambandwatchherwalktohercar.Thewholetime,myeyesareonherperfectass.Foldingmyarmsovermychest,Ilookaroundtheneighborhood,findingnotonesinglehousehaslightson.Theonlysoundsarethebirdschirping.Shelooksoveratmewhensheopenshercardoor,andIseethesmilesheistryingtohidebyrollinghereyesasshegetsintohercar.Whenshelooksoveratme,it’swithaglareasIsmileandwaveather,nodoubtpissingheroffevenmore.Shetakesoffwithherheadshaking,andIwaituntilIcan’tseeherbeforeIwalkbackintothehouseandclosethedoorbehindme.“I’msofucked,”IsayoutloudasIwalkovertothekitchenandseethatit’sjustalittlebitafterfiveinthemorning.Turningonthetelevisiontothenews,Imakemycoffee,wishingshe’dstayed.MychestgetstightwhenIthinkaboutit,andIignoreitjustlikeIalwaysdo.
GettinginvolvedwithPresleywasthebestthingthatI’veeverdone,handsdown,andadecisionIwillnever,everregret.Wasitasmartmove?Probablynot.DidIwanttogobackandchangehowithappened?Fuckno.Itwasourhistory,anditwasalwaysgoingtobehowwebecame.WasItiredofhersneakingoutallthetimeandnotstaying?Onehundredandfiftymillionpercentyes.
Twelveyearsago,IwasatthebaratownoverwhenIspottedhercomingin.Shehadjustturnedeighteenacoupleofmonthsbefore,soIknewshehadafakeIDtoevengetintothisplace.Iwatchedherlaughwithacoupleoffriendsbeforeshefeltmestaring,andwhenshedid,shelookedupattheceiling.Shealsomouthed,“Motherfucker,”beforeshecameovertome.Mycockliterallyrosetotheoccasion,andIinternallyyelledatit,tellinghimthatshewasoff-limits.Iknewthelookshewasgivingmewastrouble.Ijustdidn’tknowhowmuch.Ileanedintothebarandignoredthewaymybodywasreactingtoher.Iignoredthescreamingthatwasgoingoninmyhead.Iignoredthefactthatshewasmybestfriend’slittlesister.I.Ignored.It.All.Nothing,andIrepeatnothing,couldhavepreparedmeforwhatcameoutofhermouthnext.“Hey,Ineedyoutodomeahugefavor.”Sheleanedonthebarandthentookmybottleofbeerfrommyhand,bringingittohermouth.Atthatpoint,somanythingsweregoingthroughmyhead.Shewantsmetolieaboutseeingher.Shewantsmetodriveherhomesoshecandrink.ShewantsmetopretendthatIdon’tknowher.Imean,thescenarioswereendless.Butnothing,andImeannothing,couldhavepreparedmeforwhatshesaidnext.“Canwehavesex?”
Ipourthecoffeeinthecupandlaughatthememory.Iwasbothshockedandaroused.Also,Itoldhernorightaway.Itakeasipofthecoffeeandheadovertothecouch,grabbingmyiPad.Iputthecoffeedownonthesidetableandlookaroundatthealmostemptyhouse.It’scomingalongforsure,butI’vebeendraggingmyfeetwaitingforPresleytoaddhertouchtoit.Evenwithoutherknowing,IsmilewhenIthinkabouther.Everysinglepartofmeisinlovewithher.
I’veknownherforalmostmywholelife,havingbeenbestfriendswithherolderbrother,Travis,sincekindergarten.Whenitwastimetogoofftocollege,IhadnoideawhatIwantedtodo,unlikeTravis,whoknewforsurewhathewantedtodo.SoIappliedtothecommunitycollege,andItookapre-lawcourseforfun.Youknowwhattheysay,thatyouknowwhenyouknow.Well,theminuteIwasinthatclass,Iknew.IknewthatIwantedtolearnthelaw.SoIjumpedinwithbothfeet.DidIthinkIwoulddrown?Idid.DidItellmyselfthatnomatterhowmanyextracoursesIhadtotakeandthatnomatterhowlongittook,Iwouldsucceed?YoubetyourassIdid.Igotmybachelor’sinfouryearsandthenwenttolawschoolforthenextthreeyears.ItwasthehardestthingI’veeverhadtodo,anditshowedmewhatdeterminationanddedicationmeant.Forsevenyears,Ihadonegoalinmindandonegoalonly.Istudiedmyassoffforthebar,andtheminuteIgottheresults,Igotshit-facedandthenendedthenightwithPresleyinmyarms.Itwasoneofthehighlightsofmylife.WhenIthinkaboutallofthehighlights,she’sapartoftheminsomewayoranother.
AllmyhardworkpaidoffwhenIgotofferedapositionatCoco&AssociatesrightafterIpassedthebar.IwasthereforsixyearsuntilIdecideditwastimetocomebackhomesixmonthsago.Italsohelpedthattheyofferedmepartner,whichIdidn’thave,whiletheycourtedme,soitwasano-brainer.
Imean,it’snotlikeIdidn’tcomehomeatall.Inthebeginning,itwasless,butthenwhenTravisalmostgotmarriedyearsago,Istartedtocomebackmoreandmore.EachtimeIwashome,PresleyandIwouldjustmigratetoeachother.Neitherofuswantedtoputanameonwhatweweredoing.Wewouldseeeachotherinsecret,andIdidn’treallycareaslongasIgottospendmytimewithher.ButnowthatI’mbackfull-time,andthisiswherewebothlive,it’sgettingtobeathorninmyside.
Myphonebeeps,andIreachoverandgrabit,seeingit’satextfromher.
Gorgeous:Umm,didyoueatmypanties?
Ilaugh,gettingupandgoingtothecouchtograbthem.Iholdthemuponmyfingertosnapapictureofthem.ThenIsendittoher.
Me:Isthiswhatyouwerelookingfor?
Gorgeous:Yes,wherewerethey?
Me:Ifyoucomeback,Iwillgivethembacktoyou.
Gorgeous:Throwthemout.
Ican’thelpthelaughthatcomesoutofme.Thiswomandrivesmecrazy,andwhenItrytoFaceTimeher,shedeclinesthecall.
Gorgeous:I’mworkingoutandallsweaty.
Me:Yougotprettysweatylastnight,andIwasokaywithit.
Gorgeous:I’mblockingyou.Goaway.
Me:Soyoudon’twantyourpantiesback?
Gorgeous:I’llgetthemtonight.
Me:Ohh,admittingthatwearehavingdinnertogethersoearlyintheday.IT’SAMIRACLE.
Gorgeous:I’mblockingyou.
Me:Haveagreatday,gorgeous
Puttingmyphonedown,IgetupandwalkupthestepstosliponmybasketballshortsandaT-shirtbeforerushingoutthedoor.Iparkbehindherandgetoutofthecar,rushingupherfrontsteps.Ipressherdoorbellandwaitforhertoanswer.Myheadisdownwhensheopensthedoor,andwhenIlookup,Ican’thelpbutsmile.“Hey,gorgeous.”Shetriesnottosmileassheshakesherheadfromsidetoside.Herhairistiedhighonherheadinabun.Herfaceisredasshepants,tryingtocatchherbreath.She’swearingasportsbraandbootyshortsthatshouldbeillegal.“Icametoreturnyourpanties,”Isay,takingastepinandwrappingonehandaroundherwaist.
“Isthatso?”shesayswhileIpickherup,andshewrapsherlegsaroundmywaist.
“Thatisso,”Isay,mylipsfindinghersasIcarryherupthestairstoherbedroom.Isuckherneckoncebeforethrowingheronherbed.“Justoneproblem.”Shegetsonherelbows,lookingatme.“Iforgotthemathome.”MyhandsgotoherhipsasIpeelhershortsoff.Herbarepussymakesmysemi-hardcockcomefullyawake.
“Don’tyoueventhinkaboutit.”Sherollsoffthebed.“Ineedtoshowerfirst.”Shelooksoverhershoulderasshewalkstoherbathroom.“Areyoucoming?”
“Youknowit,”Isay,takingtwosteps,thengrabbingherhipsandputtingmyhard,coveredcockupagainstherass.“I’mgoingtobecominginmorewaysthanone.”Chapter3
Presley
“Sowhatdoyouthink?”Clarabellawalksintomyoffice,andIlookawayfromthecomputerscreenwhereIwasschedulingtwomoremeetingsfortomorrow.Shestandsthereinapinkskirtandivorysilkbutton-downshirt,herhipcockedtotheside.
“Imean,ifyouaregoingtotryanal.”Ileanbackinmychair.“Isaygoforit.Ithurtsandisnotworththehype.Buteveryoneisdifferent.”
“Whatthehellareyoutalkingabout?”sheshrieks,throwingherhandsintheair.Shelbycomeswaltzingintotheroomwearingblackpantsandawhiteshirtpulledupatthesleeves.
“Clarabellaisthinkingoftryinganal.”IfillShelbyin.Herfacegrimaces,andsheshakesherhead.
“Oooh,”Shelbystarts.“Youneedtogetsuperdrunk.Andthenyoujustthinkyou’reapornstar.Butthentherealityisyou’rereallynot.Soit’sgoingtohurtlikeamotherfucker.”
“OhmyGod!”Clarabellayells,throwingherhandsintheair.“Whatiswrongwithyoutwo?”
“Youweretheonewhoasked.”Ipointather,andshejustshakesherheadandputsherhandsonherhead.
“IwasaskingyouabouttheTaylorSwiftsong,”shesays,andmyeyebrowspinchtogether.Iguesswiththelookonmyface,sheknowsthatIhaveabsolutelynoideawhatshe’stalkingabout.“Itextedyoualllastnight,”shehuffs.
“Oh,that,”Isay,pickingupmyphone.“Ididn’treadit.”Theybothgasp.“What?I’mlearningtodisconnectatnight.”Theybothtilttheirheadtotheside.It’salsobecausewhenthephonedidalertme,Iwasinthemiddleofhavingthefirstorgasmofthenight,butIwon’taddthatinthere.
“Disconnect?”Shelbyaskswithhermouthhangingopeninshock.“Disconnect.”Sherepeatsthewordasifshe’snotsureshesaiditoutloud.
“Holdthephone,”Clarabellasays.“YougavemeshitlastmonthwhenImissedacallfromyou.”
“Itwasanemergency!”Ishriek,holdingmyhandsup.“ThegroomliterallywantedeveryonetodyetheirhairblondbecausehewantedittolookliketheCullenswereinattendance.”Myvoicegoeslouder.“Nowgivemeasecondtolookandseewhatwearereallydiscussingsinceyoudidn’tmeananal.”
“Oh,fortheloveofGod,”Clarabellaretorts.
“Whydon’twejusthavethismeetingnow?”Shelbyasks,goingtositdown.“Whathappened?”
“OhmyGod,youdidn’treadmytexteither?”ShelooksoveratShelby.
“Shewasprobablypracticinghowtobeapornstar.”Ilaughatmyownjoke.
“Iwasridingsomething,”shesays,andIcan’thelpbutgasp.“Oh,please,likeyouhaven’triddenanythinginthelastsixmonths.”Sherollshereyes,andmypalmsstarttosweatasItrytotakethefocusoffmyselfandthequestionsthatI’msuretheyaredyingtoaskmebutwon’t.
“ThankGodIwasn’tstrandedonthesideoftheroad,”Clarabelladeclares.“Orworseoff.Youtwoweremyonephonecallfromjail.”
“YouwouldcallTravisbeforeyoucalledeitherofus.”Ilaugh.“Becausehewouldn’taskyouamillionquestionsastowhyyouwerethere.”
“Thisistrue,”Shelbysays.“Whywouldyoubearrestedtobeginwith?”
Iopenthetextnow.“ShallIreadthisoutloudtosaveeveryonefromguessingwhatthisimportantdiscussionwasabout?”
“Yes.”Shelbysmiles.“Savemethetimeofreadingit.”
Ilookdownatthetextmessage.“Haveyouguysheardtheten-minutesongfromTaylorSwift?”
LookingoveratShelby,Ianswer,“Ihavenot.”
“Ten-minutesong?”Shelbyasks,shocked.“Whothehellhasthattime?”ShelooksoveratClarabella.
“Ilistenedtoitgoinghometheotherday.”Clarabellashrugs.“AndthenIgotsuckeddowntherabbitholeaboutwhothesongwasabout.”
“Who’sthesongabout?”Iask,notsurewhyI’msuddenlyintriguedbythis.
“JakeGyllenhaal,”Clarabellashares,lookingatbothmeandClarabella.“Apparently,theydatedwhenTaylorwasnineteen.”
“Wait,isn’tshelikethirtysomethingnow?”Shelbygrabsherphone,nodoubtopeningGoogle.
“She’sthirty-twonow,”Clarabellainformsus.“Anyway,sheleftascarfathissister’shouse,andshenevergotitback.”
“Letmegetthisstraight.”Iholdupmyhand.“Shedatedhimovertenyearsagoandhasnowmadeaten-minutesongaboutit.”
“Yes,”Clarabellasays.
“Shecanaffordanotherscarf,”Shelbydeclares,andInod,agreeingwithher.
“It’snotaboutthescarf!”Clarabellashouts.“It’sabouthimkeepingit.”
“Sheneedstogetoverthescarf,”Shelbysays.
“Youknowwhoisprobablylookingforthatscarf.”Ilookatbothmysisters.“Jake’snewgirlfriend.”Theybothlaugh.“Sheistheonlyonewhoiswalkingaroundthehousesaying,wherethefuckisthatscarf?”
“Facts,”Clarabellasays.“Whykeepit?Isn’titbadkarma?”
“Maybeitwascashmere,”Shelbyreasons,gettingup.“Whateveritwas,I’mhappyIdidn’twastemytimeansweringthatridiculoustextmessage.”
“Same,”Isayatthesametimethatthephonebuzzesinmyhandandthefrontdoorchimes,lettingusknowthatsomeonejustwalkedin.“Thatismythreeo’clock.”Igetupfrommydesk.“Ismylipstickstillon?”
“Yes.”Clarabellanods.Iwalkoutofmyofficeandtowardthewaitingroom,seeingmybrideandgroom.Theyarebothlookingaroundtheroomatsomeofthesampleflowerarrangementswehaveout
“Hello,”Igreet,smilingandwalkingtothebridefirst.I’velearnedthatyoualways,andImeanalways,gotothewomanfirstsoshedoesn’tthinkyouaretryingtogetherman.“I’mPresley.”Iholdoutmyhandforher.
“I’mJenna,”shereplieswithasmile,extendingherhandtome.“Thisismyfiancé,Robert,”shesaysofthegroomwhonowturnsaroundandsmilesatme,extendinghishand.Thesmellofhiscologneissostrongmystomachlurches.
“Nicetomeetyou,”hesaystome,andIjustsmile.Breathinginthroughmymouthandnotmynose.
“Shallwetakeawalkoutside?”Isuggest,tryingtogetoutofthisclosedspace.“Sowecanseethegrounds,andthenwecantakeawalktothevenuespace.”Theylookateachotherandthennodatme.“Ifyouwillfollowme,”Isay,turningtoleadthewayout.Thehotairdoesnothingaboutthesmell.Mystomachfeelslikeit’smovinguptomythroat.“Youwillseethatwehavechancesforpicturesoverhere.”Istartpitchingthevenue.Afterdoingthissomanytimes,it’slikeascript,butthewholetimeI’mjusttryingtobreatheeasyandnotbarfallovertheplace.
“It’sverypretty,”Jennaobserves,lookingatRobertastheyshareasmile.Ikeepasmileonmyfaceatthesametimethatthewindblows,andIgetanotherwhiffofhiscologne.
“Ifyouguyswilljustgivemeaminute,”Isay,turningandwalkingbackupthestepsasfastasIcan.“Shelby!”IshouthernameassoonasIwalkinside,runningtothedeskandgrabbingthegarbagecanrightbeforeIlosemybreakfast.
“OhmyGod.”IhearClarabellarushingtomeasthewaveofvomitcomesagain.
Tearsarefillingmyeyes,andallIcandoispointatthedoortowardwhereIleftthecouple.
“Gotit,”Shelbyconfirms,walkingoutandleavingmewithClarabella.
“I’llgetyouwater,”ClarabellasaysandallIcandoisclosemyeyesbeforeIthrowupagain.
“OhmyGod,whatdidyoueat?”Clarabellaopensthetopandhandsmethebottle.Irinseoutmymouth,spittingintothegarbagebeforetakingasip.
“Bagelandcreamcheese,”Isay,sittingonthefloornowbutnotmovingawayfromthegarbagebin.
“Maybethecheesewasn’tgood,”Clarabellasuggests.
“IwasfineuntilRicoSuaveouttherecameinbathedinAbercrombieandFitchcologne,”Ishare,mystomachlurchingjustfromthinkingaboutit.
“Well,whateveritis,youshouldgohome,”Clarabellastates.“I’llgogetyourpurseandstuff.”
“Thankyou,”Isay,grabbingmyphoneandtextingBennett.
Me:Howareyoufeeling?
Isendthetextandclosemyeyestofightbackthenauseawhenthephonebeepsinmyhand.
Bennett:Betternowthatyoutexted.Why?
Me:Noreason
“Hereyougo.”Clarabellacomesoutwithmypurseandmygarbagecan.“AndIcalledMomandshesaidifitwasthecreamcheese,youwouldhaveknownrightawaybecauseitwouldhavetastedsour.”
“WhythehellwouldyoucallMom?”Ihuff,standingupnow.
“Youareherbaby.CanyouimagineifIdidn’tcallher?”Sheshakesherhead.“I’mnotdealingwiththat.Ihaveenoughtodealwith.Nowcallmewhenyougethome.”
“Whatever,”Isay,grabbingmybagandthegarbagebag.TheminuteItaketwosteps,Igetanotherwhiffofthecologne,andIgroanandrushouttomycar.
Istartthecarandgettheair-conditioninggoingbeforepullingupmyphoneandgooglingwhyintheworldI’mthrowingupcreamcheese.Iscanthelist,andit’sthebasiclactoseintolerance.IrollmyeyeswhenIseepregnancy.Thensnort-laughatthatthought.“Asif,”Isay,openingmyperiodcalculatorapponmyphone.ThereddotinthemiddlesaysDAY4.“No,no,no,no,no,”Isay,myheartbeatingsofastIcan’thearanythingelsebuttheecho.
Ithrowmyphonedownonthepassengerseat,thenauseanotevenonmymindasImakemywaytothepharmacy.Myheadisspinningaroundandaround,andIliterallyfeellikeI’mnotinmyownbody.Parking,Igrabmypurseandheadintothepharmacy.Ispeedwalkdowntheaisles,notevensurewhereonefindspregnancytests.Ispotthemabovethecondoms,andIlookaroundbeforegrabbingtwoboxesinonehandandthenaddingthreemoreofotherbrands.
ImakenoeyecontactwhenIpayforthem,andthedrivehomehastobethelongestdriveofmylife.It’salmostlikeI’mgoingforwardbuttakingfifteenstepsbackward.Myneckburns,andmyhandsshakeandgetclammy.Idon’tevengrabanythingfromthecarbutthepharmacybagandthekeys.Everysinglesteptothebathroomfeelslikemyfeetarefilledwithcement.“Thisisn’thappening,”Isaytomyself,spillingtheboxesonthebathroomcounter.Ipickupaboxandstarttoreadtheinstructions.“Ineedtopee,”Imumble,walkingtothetoiletandthenwalkingbacktograbatest.“Butifoneisdefective,howamIgoingtopeeagain?”IhaveaconversationwithmyselfwhenIseetheglassonthecounter.“I’mgoingtopeeinthecupandthendunkthetestsinthem.”Myheartfeelslikeit’sgoingtocomeoutofmymouth.“ThenI’mgoingtospinitandplayRussianroulette.”IfIwasn’tsofuckingscared,thiswouldmakemelaugh.
Isitonthetoiletandwaitforthepeetocome,butwhenIthinkitwill,Igetbladdershy.Gettingup,Iwalkovertothesinkandturnonthewatertogettheurgetopee,butwhenIsitdown,itgoesaway.“Youbetterfreakingpee.”Ilookatmyvagina.“Andyoubetternotbewithababy.”Istarttopeeandthenrushtoputtheglassinthestream.“Ipromiseifthisisnegative,Iwillnothavesexagainwithoutusingdoubleprotection.”Iputthecupdownonthefloorandwipemyself.“Atleastnosexduringovulation,”IaddtotheverbalcontractI’mdoingwithwhoeverislistening.“Okay.”Iputthecuponthecounter.“Thislookslikenormalpee.Nothinglookspregnant.”IlaughasIopenalltheboxesandstarttoputthesticksinthecupofurine.“Okay,threeminutes.”IlookaroundformyphoneandthenrealizeIhadforgottenitinthecar.“OrIcounttoonehundredandeighty,”Isay,walkingbackandforthinmybathroomandcountingtooneeighty.“Herewego.”Igraboneandlookdownatthetest.“Oh,fuck.”Chapter4
Bennett
IpressthedisconnectbuttonwhenIhearhervoicemailcomeon.Puttingthephonedown,Iseethatit’sjustafterfour,soshemightbeinameeting.IopenthelasttextshesentmewhensheaskedmeifIfeltokay.“Herearethefilesyouaskedfor.”Andrew,myassistant,comesin,handingmethemanilafolder.“Don’tforgetyouhavetheweeklymeetinginfifteenminutes.”
“Thankyou.”Inodathim,openingthefolderandscanningit.Fifteenminuteslater,I’mwalkingintotheconferenceroomforthepartners’weeklymeeting.“Gentlemen,”Isay,sittingdownandgrabbingabottleofwater.Themeetinggoesonforovertwohours,andwhenIgetbacktomydesk,Iseethatshehasn’tcalledmeback.It’snotthatweird,butusually,shewouldsendatextwiththewordBusy.
Pickingupmyphone,Idialhernumberagain,anditringsfourtimesandthengoestovoicemail.IsmilewhenIhearhervoice.“You’vereachedPresleyBaker.I’mnotabletotakeyourcallrightnow.Pleaseleavemeamessage,andI’llgetbacktoyouassoonasIcan.”
“Hey,gorgeous,it’sme.Callmeback,”Isay,hangingupthephoneandthentextingher.
Me:Areyouokay?
“I’mgoingtoheadout.”Andrewstickshisheadintomyoffice.“Unlessyouneedanything.”
“IthinkI’llbegood,”Itellhim.“Bigplansthisweekend?”WhenIcametothefirm,Istartedwithafemaleassistant.Shewasnewtothefirm,andshegotalittlebittoogoodatherjob.Plus,shewasgivingoffvibesthatshewantedtobemorethanjustmyassistant.Shewouldbringlunchinforus,anditjustgottothepointwhereIknewthatifIdidn’tcutitnow,itwouldgetworse.Sowehadhertransferredtoanotherdepartment,andshequittwoweekslater.Assoonasthathappened,Iknewthatmynextassistantwouldbeamaletomakeitsafeforeveryone.WhenAndrewcamein,wejustclicked.TheonethingthatIlikedabouthimwasthathelefthisproblemsatthedoor.
“Wehaveaweddingoutoftown,”hesayswithasmile.“She’swaitingformedownstairs.”
“Youshouldhavetoldme.”Ileanbackinmychair.“Getoutofhere.”
“Thankyou.”Henodspolitely.
“Whydon’tyoutakeMondayoffalso?”Helooksatmeshocked.“You’vebeenworkinglonghours.Youdeserveit.”
“Iwon’tsayno.”Heputshishandsinhispockets.“Butonlyifyou’resure.”
“I’msure.”Inodathim.
“Haveagreatweekend,”hesaysrightbeforeheturnsandwalksoutofthedoor.
Ipickthephonebackup,wonderingifshetextedmeback,andshehasn’t.Icheckmyemailsonemoretimebeforeclosingeverythingupandleaving.Grabbingmykeysandphone,Iwalkout,andthethickairgreetsmerightaway.ThesunissettingasIstartthecar.Igiveitacoupleofsecondsfortheair-conditioningtokickinbeforeIleave.Istartheadingtomyhouse,thenturnaround,andbeforeIknowit,I’mheadingtoPresley’swork.Theparkinglotisempty,soImakemywayovertoherhouse,callingheroncemoreandstillgettinghervoicemail.Whatthefuck?Ithink,andIgetthissenseofdreadthatrunsthroughme.
Ispeedhalfwaythere,andwhenIseehercarinthedriveway,Itakeadeepbreath,sighingwithrelief,knowingshe’sokay.Iwalkupthestepsandpressthedoorbellinsteadofjustbargingin.IlistentoseeifIhearherfootsteps,andIdon’tknowifit’sjustme,butitfeelslikeaneternitybythetimesheopensthedoor.Butinreality,itmusthavebeentenseconds.Myheadfliesuptoherfacewithasmileonit,andthenmyheartstopswhenIseeherface.“Whathappened?”Iaskher.Hereyesareredfromcrying,hernoseisalsored,andthelightinhereyesisgone.“Areyousick?”
“Iguessyoucancallitthat,”shesays,turningaroundandwalkinginsidethehouse.Sheiswearingshortsandatanktop,herblackhair,whichisalwaysperfect,ispiledontopofherhead.
“WhatdoyoumeanIcancallitthat?”Ishutthedoorbehindmeandwalktothelivingroomwithher.Ilookaroundandseethatallthedrapesareclosed,andthetelevisionisoff.“Didsomeonedie?”
“Youcancallitthat,”shesays,sittingonthecouchandfoldingherlegsunderher.
Iputmyhandsonmyhips,andmybloodpressureisgoingthroughtheroof.Thetightnessinmychestgetstighterandtighter.“Gorgeous,”Isaybetweenclenchedteeth.Ican’trememberthelasttimewedisagreedaboutsomething.Imean,webicker,butafterlikefiveminutes,I’moveritandjustwanttokissheranyway.“Youarereally…”
“Weneedtotalk,”shesays,andwhenshelooksatme,Icanseetheturmoilinhereyes.Icantellthatwhatevershehastotellmeisbad.Icanalsotellthatwhatevershehastotellmeshedoesn’tknowhowtotellme.Myheartsinkstomyfeet.
“OhmyGod,”Isayinawhisper.“You’reseeingsomeoneelse.”Mymouthgoesdryatthequestionasthepaininmychestcomesonfullforce.Yes,wearen’ttechnically“dating”becauseIdon’twanttoputalabelonit,orelse,Iknowshe’sgoingtofreakout,butthatisthefirstthingthatcametomymind.Ishakemyhead,tryingtoclearthe
“Really?”shesays,rollinghereyes.“That’sthefirstthingthatcomestoyourmind?”
“Ihavenoideawhattothinksinceyouaren’tgivingmeanything.”Ithrowmyhandsupintheair.“You’resittingtherewithtearsinyoureyes.Youhavenolightinyoureyes.Youhaven’tmadeonesnarkyremarkaboutmeshowingupherewithoutcalling.It’stheonlythingthatcametomind.”
“WhenwouldIhavetimetoseesomeoneelse?”sheasksme.“Weliterallysleeptogethereverynight.”
“Noteverynight,”Iremindher,thinkingofthenightssheleavesmebecauseheavenforbidwegetusedtoeachother
“Ithrewuptoday,”shetellsme.Itakeasteptoher,andsheholdsupherhandtostopme.
“Areyouokaynow?”Ilookaroundtoseeifmaybesheneedssomething.“Doyouwantmetogetyouwater?”Iask.ThebeatingofmyheartpicksupagainjustasIwalkovertothekitchenandopenherfridge.“DidyouwantmaybesomeGatorade?”
“Ugh,”shesays,puttingherheadbackonthebackofthecouch.
“Areyougoingtobesick?”Iaskherandthenlookather.“Whydon’tyouhaveabucketaroundincaseyouthrowup?Doyouwantsomesoup?”Iask,sittingnexttohernowandtakingmyphoneoutofmypocket.“Maybejustthebroth.IcancallLukeandseeifhecanmakeyousomething.”
“Idon’tthinksoupisgoingtomakethisbetter,”shesayssoftly,lookingdownatherlap,andInoticesomethingwhiteinherhandwithabluetip.
“Oh,God,”Isay,andshelooksoveratme.“Youdidn’tgoonGoogleagain,didyou?”Ishakemyhead.“Thelasttimeyoudidthat,youthoughtyouhadbedbugs.Youwerethrowingyourmattressoutthewindow.”
“Itlookedlikebedbugs,”shesaysthroughclenchedteeth.
“Itwasmosquitobites,”Iremindher.“Wewenthiking.”
“Bennett.”Shesaysmynameandthenholdsupawhitestickinherhand.
“Whatisthat?”Itakeitfromher,notsurewhatI’mlookingatuntilIseethewordpregnant.MymouthopensasIlookather.“Isthis…?”MyhandsshakeasIholdthestick.Somanyemotionsaregoingthroughme,butthemainoneismyheartfeelssofull.
“Icantellyouwhatit’snot.”Sheblinksawaythetears.“It’snotathermometer.”
MyheartfillsmythroatasIlookdownatthelettersagain.“Pregnant,”Isaythewordsagain.Thetearsfillmyeyes.“Ican’t.”Thelumpinmythroatmakesithardtosayanything.ButIcan’tstopthesmilethatfillsmyface.Fromeartoear.“We’rehavingababy.”Ileanintoher.“We’rehavingababy.”Ikisshereversolightly.Shemovesherhandup,palmingmycheek.
“Idon’tknowaboutthewepart,”shesays,“butIamdefinitelywithchild.”Chapter5
Presley
“Pregnant.”Hesaystheword,andIcanseethetearsfillinghiseyes.Whichinturnmakesmystomachflutter,whichthenmakesmeblamethebaby.“Ican’t.”Hegetschokedup,andthesmileonhisfaceisfromeartoear.“We’rehavingababy.”MyheartispoundingsohardIthinkit’sliterallygoingtocomeoutofmychest.“We’rehavingababy.”Heleansinandkissesmylipssoftly.Thenervesdiedownjustabit.MyhandmovesuponitsownasIcuphischeek.
“Idon’tknowaboutthewepart,”Isay,pushingawayfromhimandgettingup.“ButIamdefinitelywithchild.”
“Howdoyouknowforsure?”heasksasIstandhereinfrontofhim.TheshadesareallclosedasifI’mmourningadeath.
“Well,thismorningIwentintoworkandIwasfine,andthenthisgroomcameinandhesmelledasifhewassixteenandjustgotaholdofhisfather’saftershave.”Iclosemyeyesandgrimaceatthethought.“Mademelosemybreakfast.”Hejuststaresatme,andhislookisjustfilledwithsomuchfeelingthatmychestfillswithsomethingthatIdon’twanttothinkaboutbecauseassoonasitfills,Igetthisoverwhelmingsenseofsadness.“ThenIgoogledaboutthecreamcheesebeingbad,andwell,itsaidpregnancy,soIlaughedbecause…”
“Becausewealwaysuseprotection.”Hesitsonthecouchwiththepregnancytestinhishands.
“Right,butthenIwentonmyperiodapp.”Istarttopaceinfrontofhim,andallhedoesissitonthecouchallcool,calm,andcollected.“Anditwaslikefourdaysago.”
“Youshouldhavecalledme.”Hegetsupnow.“Iwouldhave…”
“Helpedmehow?Peeonthestick?”Ipointatthestick.
“Idon’tknow.Holdyourhand,”hesays.“Supportyou.”
“Besides,Iwasinthestateofdenialforagoodhourafter.”Ishakemyhead.Myheadisspinningamillionmilesaminute.IthinkI’mabouttohyperventilate,butIblockitalloff.“It’sfine.”Ilookathim.“I’mpregnant,andIgofromhere.”
Hewalksovertomenow,puttingthestickinhispocket.Hishandscomeuptoholdmyface.“Gorgeous,”hesayssoftly,“relax.”
“Iamrelaxed,”Ireply,eventhoughI’mtheoppositeofrelaxed.I’mtothepointthatI’mfreakingthefuckout,butevenmoresobecauseIthoughthewouldbefreakingoutwithme.“You’realotmorerelaxedthanIthoughtyouwouldbe.”
“Whatdoesthatmean?”heasks,andIjustlookathim.
“Itmeansthatwewentfromexchangingorgasmstonowmebeingpregnant,”Isay,andIhavetomoveawayfromhistouchbecauseifIdon’t,I’mafraidthathe’sgoingtoseeexactlywhatI’mfeelingandI’mnevergoingtoletthathappen.Ijustcan’t.
“Wesharedalotmorethanorgasms,gorgeous.”Hislipsfindmine,andthebeatinginmychestslowsdown.“Andwearegoingtobesharingalotmorefromnowon.”
“Idon’tevenknowwhatelsethereistosharewithyou.”Ilaugh.“Imean,you’vealreadytakenmyvirginity,andnowyou’veplantedababyinme.”Hethrowshisheadbackandlaughs,andIcan’thelpbutleaninandkisshisneck.“Ihavetotellmysisters.”
“Okay,”hesays.“Whattimearetheycomingover?”
Ipushhimawayfromme.“Youarenotgoingtobeherewhentheycomehere.”
“Whynot?”heasks,shockedasheputshishandsonhiships.
“Because,”Isay,walkingovertothekitchentograbanapplejuice,whichIneverdrink,“I’mgoingtotellthem.”
“Okay,”hesays.“ButI’mtellingyourbrother.”
Ilaugh.“Youreallythinkthatisagoodidea?”
Heshrugshisshoulders.“It’snotasurprisethatI’mintoyou.”
“Oh,youareinmeallright.”Igrabtheglassandwinkathim.“Youleftacoupleofthingsinmeaswespeak.”
IgrabthephoneonthecounterthatIwentintothecarandgotaftertheinitialshock.“Oh,youhaveaphone,”hesays.“Funny,Ikeptcalling.”
“Iwasinshock.”Irollmyeyes.“IhadfivetestsstaringbackatmetellingmethatI’maplus-one.”
Ipullupthetextthread.
Me:Hey,sothisisanSOSEmergencysistermeeting.
Iputthephonedown,andmyhandsshake.“Thisshouldbefun.”
Clarabella:Oh,nowsheanswersafterhours.
Shelby:ThisbetternotbetodiscussTaylorSwift.
Me:TrustmewhenIsaythisisanemergency
Clarabella:Proveit.
Shelby:Whywouldyouaskhertoproveit?
Me:CodePurple.
Shelby:Shit,onmyway.
Clarabella:I’mthereinfourminutes.
Iputthephonedown.“Okay,youhavetogo,”Iurge,walkingtohimandgrabbinghishand.
“It’sgoingtotakethemlongerthanfivesecondstogethere.”Helaughs,andwhenIlookathim,myvaginatensesalittlebit.Ididn’tnoticethathe’swearinghisdresspants,andthesleevesofhisbutton-downshirtarerolleduptohiselbows.HissilverRolexonhiswristmakeshimsexyashell.
“Theyaregoingtogethereinrecordtime.Ijustthrewdownacodepurple,”Itellhim,knowinghewon’tunderstand,andIalsoknowthatIdon’thavetimetositdownandexplainittohim.Ineedhimtogethisassoutofthishouse.“I’llcallyoulater.”Ikisshislipsandpushhimoutthedoor.
“Promises,promises.”Heshakeshisheadandwalksdownthestairs.“Stopstaringatmyass.”
“It’srightinmylineofsight,”Itellhimashelooksoverhisshoulder,andIholdoutmyhand,showinghimthatit’srightinfrontofmyeyes.
“Icancomebackandhideinyourroomuntilafter,andyoucantouchit,”hesaysoncehegetstohiscar,lookingatme.
“Touchingitgotusintothismess.”Ipointatmystomach.“Weshouldhavedonealittlelesstouching.”
Heshakeshishead.“Wouldnotrecommendthatatall.Nowthatit’stoolate,wecandoitallthetime.”
“Wealreadydoitallthetime,”Iretort.“Nowgetoutofhere.”Ishoohimaway,andIwalkbackinsidetograbaglassofapplejuice.Thesweetnessmakesmymouthalive.I’mpouringmyselfanotherglasswhenIhearacardoorshut.“Herewego,littleone,”Isay,puttingmyhandonmystomach.
Thefrontdooropensandthenshutsbackwithaslam.“Whatintheworld?”IhearShelbysayasshewalksinslowly.Almostlikesheisafraidtowalkin,shefinallymakesittothekitchen.“Whyisitsodarkinhere?”sheaskswhileshelooksaround.“Whyareyousittinginthedark?”
Idon’thaveachancetoanswerherbecauseIheartheshriekofbrakes,andthenthesoundofacardoorshutting.“Presley!”Clarabellayellsmyname,runningupthesteps.“Thisbetterbefuckinggood,”shesays,walkinginandslammingthedoor.“Hello,”shesays,notmovingfromthefrontdoor.“Isanyonehere?”
“Therearethreecarsoutside,”Shelbysays,turningonthelightandthenlookingoveratme.“OhmyGod,whodied?”
“Someonebetterhavedied,”Clarabellasays,comingintothekitchenwearingabathrobe.
“OhmyGod,”Isay.“Areyounakedunderthere?”
“Yes.”Shenodsherhead.“Wewere…”
“Ifyoutellmethatyouwereinthemiddleofhavingsex,”Shelbyscolds,“I’mgoingto…”
“Whoanswersinthemiddleofhavingsex?”Clarabellasays.“Itwasthepre-game.”
“OhmyGod.”Shelbycloseshereyes.“Ican’tgetthepictureoutofmyhead.”
“Well,thisisgoingtogoalotbetterthanIthoughtitwasgoingtogo,”Isay,andtheylookatme.
“Youcalledcodepurple,”Shelbyremindsme.“Itbetterbelifeordeath.”Whenwewereincollege,andwewouldgoout,thecodewordwaspurplebear.Ifwetextedyourpurplebearin,itmeantweneededbackup.
“Idid,”Isay,myheartspeedingupabit.“Well,thereisnowaytosaythis…so.”
“Areyoudying?”Clarabellainterruptsme,hereyesfillingwithtears.“Isthatwhyyouaresittinginthedark?”
“Canyoushutthehellup?”Shelbysays.“Sheisn’tdying.She’sglowing.”Shelooksatme.“Imean,notatthemoment.”Shedoesaweirdface.“Youlooklikeshit,andlikeyou’reabouttodie,butthismorning,youglowed.”
“I’mpregnant.”Icomerightoutandsayit.“LikerippingofftheBand-Aid,”Isay,pouringmyselfanotherglassofapplejuiceandtakingitlikeashot.
“I’msorry,”Clarabellasays,holdingherrobetogetherontop.“Whatdidyoujustsay?”
“Youarenot!”Shelbyshrieks.“Youcan’tbe.”
IwalkovertothelivingroomtograbthefourteststhatIhave,turningtoseeShelbywalkovertothekitchencounterandpickupmycupandsmellinsideofit.“Don’ttouchit,”Clarabellahissesovertoher.
“I’mpregnant,”Irepeat.“Notfilledwithgerms.”
“Ineedadrink,”Shelbystates,walkingovertothecabinetontopofthefridge,knowingthatiswhereIkeepthebooze.Weallkeepitabovethefridgelikeit’sasecret.“Doyouwantone?”
“Idon’tknow,”Clarabellasays.“Idon’twanttotouchanything.”
“Youcan’tcatchpregnancy,”Shelbytellsher.
“Forgetthatyouknowhowpeoplegetpregnant…sex,”Clarabellainformsher,andShelbygaspsout.
“Shocking,really,isthathowithappens?”Shelbymocks,grabbingthebottleandjusttakingashot.“Ithoughtthestorkfliesoverandbringsittoyou.”
“Theyprobablyhadsexrightthere.”Clarabellapointsather.“Youareinthesamespotyournieceandornephewwereplantedintoher.”
Shelbylooksdownatthecounterandthenlooksoveratme.“Didyoudoithere?”
“OhmyGod,”Isay,walkingintothekitchenandtossingoneoftheteststoShelbyandonetoClarabella.
“Thisis,”Shelbysays,grabbingthestickandlookingdownatit.“Minesayspregnant.”
“Sodoesmine,”Clarabellaconfirmstoher.
“That’sbecauseI’mpregnant!”Ishout.“Canwejustforoncefocus?”
“I’mtryingtofocus,”Clarabellasays.“Whoisthefather?”
Ifoldmyarmsovermychestandhuffout,“It’sBennett.”
“Holyshit,”theybothsayatthesametime.
“Wearenotshockedintheleast,”theybothsaytogether.“Areyoushocked?”
“Well,yeah,”Isay,throwingmyhandsup.
“Wheredoesitgowrong?”ClarabellaasksmewhileShelbyhitshershoulder.“What?I’m
askingherifshewasusingprotection.”
“Obviously,sheusesprotection.”Shelbyrollshereyes.“Youdiduseit,right?”
“Wedideachtime,”Itellthem.
“Andhowmanytimesarewetalking?”ClarabellaasksmewhileShelbygroansoutandslapsthecounter.“What?Thesearequestionspeopleask.”
“Whatpeople?”Iaskthem.“Who?”
“Idon’tknow;it’snotlikewehaveaplaybookonhowtoactwhenyoursistertellsyoutheyarepregnant,”Clarabellasays.
“DidyoutellBennett?”Shelbyasksme.
“Oh,goodquestion,”Clarabellasingsout.“Doesheknow?Whatdidhesay?”
“Ijusttoldhim,”Iconfirmtobothofthem.
“Well,then,whyisn’thehere?”Clarabellasays.“OhmyGod,ishehidingupstairs?”Shepullsthetopofherrobetighter.
“Heisnothere,”Ishare,walkingandgrabbingtheapplejuiceinsteadofthescotch.
“Whyisn’thehere?”Clarabellanowasks,hertonetightwhenshecocksherhiptothesideandfoldsherarmsoverherchest.
“Whydoesheneedtobehere?”Ithrowupmyhands,ignoringthewaythatmystomachgetstightandmychestsuddenlyburns.“It’smybody.”
“Itis,”Shelbysayssoftly.“Andyougettodecidewhatyoudowithyourbody.”ShesharesalookwithClarabella.
“Okay,beforewemakerashdecisions.”Clarabellaholdsupherhands.“Canwenottalkaboutit?”Shewalksovertome.“Ialreadyloveit.”Puttingherhandonmystomach.
“It,”Shelbyhisses.
“Okay,one”—Iholdupmyfinger—”I’mhavingthebaby;therewasneveraquestionaboutit.”IputmyhandonClarabella’s.“ButI’mdoingthisalone.”
“Thatmotherfucker,”Shelbyhissesout.
“Oh,he’shappy.Hekeptsaying,wearehavingababy.”Ishakemyhead,ignoringallthescreaminggoingoninmybrain.“Buttherealityofitis,I’mhavingthebaby.”Igrabtheglass,bringingittomymouth.“Andit’sgoingtobefine.”Chapter6
Bennett
Iparkmycaronthestreet,turningitoff.Lookingatthehouseandseeingshadowsfrominside,IhaveafeelingthatIshouldhavecalledbeforecominghere.Gettingoutofthecar,Iwalkupthepathwaytowardthefrontdoor,seeingatoytruckonthesideandsmiling.Thesoundofdogsbarkingandutterchaoscomesthroughthewindow,andI’mabouttoholdupmyhandandknockonthedoorwhenit’spulledopen.“Whatthehellareyoudoing?”Travissaystome,andIlaugh.
“Normally,whensomeoneshowsupatone’sdoor,”Iinformhim,chuckling,“oneeitherringsorknocks.”
“Shutthefuckup,”Travissays,movingawayfromthedoor.“You’refamily.”Iwalkin,closingthedoorbehindme,andI’mgreetedbythetwodogstheygotwhentheygotmarried.
“Hey,youtwo.”Ibenddowntogreetthem.“Areyoukeepingoutoftrouble?”
“Whowasit?”IhearHarlowwhosticksherheadoutofthekitchenandsmileatme.
“Thisidiotwasatthedoor,andhehadtheaudacitytotrytoknock,”Travisinformsher,shakinghishead.
“Imaginethat,”Harlowsays,comingtomenow.“Havingtheballstoknockbeforestormingin.”Shegetsonhertippy-toesandkissesmycheek.“Whywouldyoudothat?”
“Ijustdon’twanttocatchhimnaked.”ImotionwithmyheadtowardTravis.“I’veseenhimnakedenoughtolastmealifetime.”IlookovertoseeTravistakinghisdaughteroutofherhighchair.
“Lookwhocametovisit,”hesays,takingoffherbibandthenwipingherface.“UncleB.”HeturnsandhandsmeCharlotte.
“Heythere,beautifulgirl,”Isay,bendingdownandkissingherstillwetcheek.Shegetsallexcitedandstartsbattingmychest.
“Sowhatareyoudoinghere?”Travisasks,walkingtothekitchenthatlookslikeatornadohasgonethroughit.
“Ihavetotalktoyou,”Isay,myheartspeedingup,andIavoidlookingathimasIlookdownatCharlotte.
“Oh,soundslikeyoutwoneedtobealone,”Harlowsays,comingtome.“I’mgoingtogoandgiveCharlotteabath.”Charlottethrowsherselfathermother.“Andyoutwogoandhavementimeoutside.I’mgoingtoputhertobedandthenrelaxbeforethehellioncomeshomefromthefarmtomorrow.”Shementionsherson,Theo,whoisgoingthroughtheterribletwosandmakingsuretheydon’tforgetit.
“It’smyturnforbathtime,”Travissays,handingmeabottleofbeer.
“Lasttimeitwasbathtime,itlookedlikeatsunamihitthebathroom,”Harlowremindshim.“Soyoujustsavedme.”
“GladIcouldbeofservice,”Isay,grabbingthebottleofbeer.
“Let’sgositoutside,”Travissuggests,andIsuddenlygetnervousaboutwhatistocome.We’vebeenbestfriendssincekindergarten.He’sthebrotherthatI’veneverhad,andIknowthatifIcallhim,regardlessofthetimeorthesituation,hewouldbetherebesidemeandItohimalso.
“Thisisnice,”Isay,lookingaroundatthepatiothattheyjusthaddone,whichopensupintoahugeyardwithaplaystructure.
“Myfather-in-law.”Hesitsdownononeofthecouches.“Cameoveroneweekend,andthenextthingyouknow,I’mlookingoutside,andhehasthiscrewoffifty.”Hisfather-in-lawiswhatyoucallacowboy.Hehasallthesefarms,butnotonlyisheacowboyandyoudon’twanttomesswithhim,he’sacomputerwizard.It’sthestrangestthingI’veeverseen.IthinksomeoneevensaidsomethingthathetrainedwiththeSEALsforfun.Whodoesthat?
Ilaugh,sittingonthecouchbesidehim.“Letmeguess,didyoucomeoutsidetohelp?”Itakeapullofmybeer.
Hiseyebrowspinchtogether.“Areyououtofyourmind?”hehuffs.“Hehadshovelsandshit.YouthinkIwasgoingtocomeoutheresoIcangivehimareasontoactuallyburyme?”
Ican’thelpbutlaughatthat,andI’mgladthatIswallowedthebeer,orIwouldhavespititout.“Hedoesn’tstillhateyou,”Itellhim.“Yougavehimtwograndkids.”
“Ibrokeherheartandleftherforfouryears,”heremindsme.“AndIwasgoingtomarrysomeoneelse.”
“Yeah,youcanspinlotsofthings.”Ishakemyhead.“Butnomatterwhat,youarenevergoingtolivethatdown.”
“Exactly,”hesaysandthenlooksatme.“What’sonyourmind?”
IchuckleandtakeapullofbeerbeforeIbreakthenewstohim.I’mbothnervousandexcited.“I’mgoingtobeafather.”Istartwiththeeasiestthing.Justsayingthewords,Ican’thelpbutsmilebig.ThefullnessthatIfeelisoutofthisworld,andIdidn’tevenknowsomethingwasmissingbeforenow.
“Shutup,”Travissays,shockedashelooksatme.“Imean…”Heputshisarmaroundmyneck,andhishandsqueezesmyshoulder.“I’mhappyforyou.”
“It’sPresley,”Ishare,holdingmybreath,andnowI’mwonderingifperhapssittingnexttohimwasn’tthesmartestidea.
“Waitaminute.”Hishandmovesfromaroundmyshoulder.“Presley,asinmysisterPresley?”
“Theoneandonly,”Iconfirm,andIdon’tknowwhatI’mexpecting,tobehonest.Hecouldbehappyforme,orhecouldturnaroundandpunchmeinthefaceforsleepingwithhissister.Eitherway,itdoesn’tchangetheoutcomeofthesituation.
“OhmyGod,”hesays.“I…”Hestops,looksatme,andquestions,“Presley?”
“Yeah.”Inodmyhead,andoutofeverythingI’vedoneinmylife,thismomentrighthere,sayingthatsheisgoingtohavemychild,itiseverything.“ThereisnooneonthisearththatIwanttobewithbuther.”
Hethrowshisheadback,andhelaughsnow.“Doessheknowthis?”
Ichuckle,theburninghittingmystomachnow.“I’mgoingtomarryher,”Isay,bringingthebottletomylipsandtakingapull.
“Isthatafact?”Hecan’thelpbutthrowhisheadbackandlaugh.Hiswholebodyshakeswithlaughter.“Youtoldherthis?”heasksme,andIjustglareathim.
“Shecallsherselfalonewolf,”Iremindhim.“Youthinkshe’sgoingtobeopentomarryingme?”
“Notachance,”headmitstome,takinghisownpullofhisbeer.“She’sgoingtofightyouthewholefuckingway.”
“Oh,Iknow.”Ismile,puttingthebottleagainstmyneck.“Trustme,Iknow.”
“Thisisgoingtobefuntowatch.”Hesitsbackonthecouchandlooksoveratme.
“Icanalwaysusemycharm.”Ishrug.“Madehersleepwithme.”
“Youmightlosesomebodypartsalongtheway.”Heraiseshiseyebrows,andhe’sabouttosaysomethingelsewhenthebackdooropens,andHarlowcomesrushingoutwithanakedanddrippingwetCharlotteonherhip.
Webothstandatthesametime,expectingthehousetobeonfireorsomethingelse.“OhmyGod,”shesays,holdingupthephone.“Iseverythingokayouthere?”
“Whyareyourushinglikeabatoutofhell?”Hewalksovertoherswiftly.
“Clarabellajustcalledme,”shesays,lookingatTravisandthenatme.“Andtoldmeaboutacertainsituationgoingon.”
“IsthatcodeforPresleybeingpregnant?”Iaskher,andsheopenshermouthinshockandthenlooksoveratTravistoseehisreaction.“Itoldhimalready.”
“Andeverythingisokay?”ShelooksatTravis,whoreachesouttograbCharlotte.
“Everythingisfine.”Travisleansdownandkissesherlips.“Hewasjusttellingmehowhe’sgoingtomarryPresley.”Harlowthrowsherheadback,similartoherhusband,andlaughsoutloud.Shealsoaddsclappingherhandstogether.“See.”Hepointsathiswife.
“She’sthelonewolf,”Harlowremindsme,andIrollmyeyes.“Imean,shesaysit.”
“Everysingletime,”Ifinishthesentenceforher.“Iknow,Iknow.”Iholdupmyhands.“Butshe’shavingmybaby.”
“Lotsofpeopleraisekidstogetherwithoutbeingmarried,”Travisremindsme.
“Well,Iwanttomarryher.Doesthatsayanything?”Thepitofmystomachburnswhentheyjustlookateachotherwith“thatpoorbastard”look.“Okay,well,thisisfun.”Iputthebottleofbeerdown.“ButI’mgoingtoheadout.”Iwalkbackupthesteps,kissingCharlotteonthecheek.“Youtwo,”IsaytoHarlowandTravis.“Suckballs.”
“Ifit’sanyconsolation,”Travissays.“I’mgladyou’reherbabydaddy.”
“Thanks,thatmeansalot.”Iputmyhandtothemiddleofmychestovermyheart.“Wishmeluck.”
“Oh,youaregoingtoneedalotmorethanluck,”Harlowwarns.“ButinPresley’sdefense,hersiblingsdidn’thelpthatmatter.”Shelooksatherhusband.“Atall.”
“It’slikePTSD,”Travissays.“Butintheend,weallendeduphappy.”
“Yeah,well,goodtoknow,”Isay,walkingpastthemandoutthefrontdoor.Igetinthecarandmakemywayhome.
ThewholetimeallIcanthinkaboutisgoingtoher,butknowingthatsheisprobablyfreakingoutandthemoreIpushmyselfinherface,thefastersheisgoingtopushmeaway.
Walkingupthestepsofthehouse,makingmywaythroughthedoor,andnotevenstoppinginthekitchen,Ijustheadstraightforthelivingroom,collapsingonthecouch.Thestickinmypocketslippingoutandfallingtothefloor.Ipickitupandlookatitagain,thesmilecomingtomyface.“She’shavingourbaby.”Iputthestickonmychestandthinkbacktohowthisallstarted
TheknockonthedoorwassosoftthatIwasn’tsureIheardit.Igotupfromthecouchandwalkedover,pullingopenthedoor.IwasshockedandsurprisedthatPresleywastheonestandingatmydoorstep.Ihadleftthebarnotthirtyminutesago,aftersheleanedagainstthebaraskingmethemostridiculousrequest.IalsohightaileditoutoftherebeforeIdidsomethingstupidlikeactuallygiveintoher.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Iaskedherandstuckmyheadouttoseeifshewaswithanyone.“Areyouherealone?”
“Yup,”shesaid,pushingherselftocomeintomyapartment.“Areyouherealone?”Shelookedaroundthelivingroom,mybookswerescatteredallovertheplace.SheplacedherhandsinthebackpocketsofherjeansandallIcoulddowasstareather.Whendidshebecomesohot?
“ShouldIcallTravis?”IaskedherasmyheartstartedtospeeduptoanotnormalrhythmandIsuddenlygotnervous.“Oranyoneelse?”
“Bennett.”Shesaidmynameandmycocksprangtoaction.Itsoundedlikeitwasbetweenamoanandaplea.“Iaskedyouforafavor.”
Igroanedatthatmomentandlookeduptotheceiling.“Oh,God,Presley,youcan’tbeseriousrightnow.”
“Whynot?”Ididn’tevenhearhermoveclosetomebutsuddenlyherhandswereonmyhips,andallIcoulddowasswallowbecausemymouthbecamedry.“Idon’twanttogotocollegeavirgin.”
“Okay,one,thereisnothingwrongwithyougoingtocollegeavirgin,”Ihuffed,tryingtofocusonthewordsthatwerecomingoutofmymouthandlessonthewayherhandsfeltonme.“Infact,it’sevensexier.”
“Please,”shesaidinaplea.“ThereisnooneelseIwanttobemyfirst.”IlookedintoherblueeyesandIwaslost.Ididn’tevenhavetimetomakeadecisionbecauseshegotonhertippy-toesandherlipsfoundmine.
“I’mgoingtomakehermine,”ItellthedarkroomwhenIblinkawaythememories.“She’salwaysbeenmine.Nowit’stimetoshowher.”Chapter7
Presley
ThesoundofthephonebeepingwakesmefrommysleepandusuallyIwouldhavejumpedoutofbed.ButmyeyesflutterclosedandIsinkdeeperintothebed.“Justfivemoreminutes.”Isnugglewiththecoversatmyneck.I’mabouttoslipintosleepagainwhenIhearasoftknockonthedoor.“Areyoukiddingme.”Islipmyhandoutofmycoversandlookatmywatch.“Whothehellisatmydooratsevenfreakinga.m.?”Idon’tknowwhoI’maskingandIalsoknowthatnooneisgoingtoanswerme.“DoyouthinkifIignorethem,theyaregoingtogoaway?”Idon’twaitforananswerbecauseIhearthebeepingofthefrontdoorkeypadbeforethelockopens.“Well,thatcanbefourpeople,”Isaytomyself.“ButI’mgoingtogooutonalimbandsaythatit’snotanybodyrelatedtome.”Theroomisdarkwiththelightcominginfromtheopendoor.
“Gorgeous.”Ihearhisvoiceandclosemyeyes,notbotheringtoanswerhimbecauseit’samatteroftimebeforehefindsmeandit’snotlikeI’mplayinghide-and-seek.“Thereyouare,”hesaysfromthedoorwayofmybedroom.“Thisisn’tlikeyou.”Ihearhissoftvoicecomecloserandclosertothebed,andIopenmyeyes.“Usually,youareoutofbedatfive.”Hestandsthereinbluepantsandawhitebutton-downshirttuckedinwithabrownbelt.ThetwotopbuttonsareopenandIcanalreadytastehisskinundermylips.Usually,Iseehimattheendofthedaywithhissleevesrolledupbutnowwiththemdownhelookssoofficial,andhandsomeashell.
“Iknow,”Ihuffwhenhesitsonthesideofthebed.“ButIliterallycouldnotdragmyassoutofbed.”Heputshisarmovermeandleansintokissmylips.MystomachfluttersasIpushawaythethoughtthatIactuallymissedhimlastnight.IalsoignorethatIwassurprisedthathedidn’tcomeoverorthefactthatIwassadthathedidn’t.
“Ibroughtyoubreakfast,”hesaysandtheminutehesaysthat,mystomachletsoutabiggrumbleandhelaughs.“LookslikeI’mrightontime.Whydon’tIgograbthefoodandbringittoyou?”Hemoveshishandupanddownmyside.
“Whatdidyouget?”Iaskhim,notevencaringatthispoint,Icouldeatahouse.WhendidIbecomesohungry?
“Igotyousomepancakes,eggs,Frenchtoast,andsomefruit,”hesaysandallIcandoissmileathim.“DoesthatsmilemeanIdidgood?”HeleansinagaintogivemeakissandIbaskinit.
“Youdidgood,”ItellhimashegetsupandItossthecoversoffme,showinghimthatIwassleepingnaked.
“Damn,”hesays,lookingatmeupanddownslowly.“MaybeIcanhavebreakfastmyself.”Thewayhisvoicecomesoutmakesmykneesweak.
“Letmeseehowgoodbreakfastisandthenmaybewecanbothhavedessert.”Iwalkintothebathroom,knowingthathe’slookingatme.Ibrushmyteethandgothebathroom,grabbingmywhiterobeheboughtme.Ilookinthemirror,makingsurethatIdon’tlooklikeIjustcrawledoutofbed.Ialsotakeasecondandlookatmystomachagain.Ispentmostoflastnightstandingbythemirror,lookingatitfromthefrontandthesidetoseeifmaybetherewasacluetherethatIwaspregnant.Therewasnothingthere,nothing.Mystomachwasstillflat,andwhenIwalkout,he’swalkingbackinwithmybigtray.“Howmuchfooddidyouget?”
“Well,consideringyouareeatingfortwo.”Hesmirksandhiseyeslightup.“Alot.”Hestops,waitingformetogetbackinbed.“Whydidyouputyourrobeon?”
Ilaughathim.“BecauseI’mgoingtobeeating.”Ipropthepillowsbehindmybackandlookdownatallthefoodhe’sbroughtme.Heplacesthetrayonmylapandwalksovertohissideandgetsinthebedontopofthecovers.
“So,whatareyougoingtoeatfirst?”hesays,grabbingastrawberryandbitingintoitandthenofferingmetheotherpiece.Iopenmymouthandtakeitandthesweetnesshitsmytongue.“Didyoucallthedoctor?”heasksmeandIlookathimannoyednow.
“It’sbeentwelvehours,”Itellhim,grabbingmyforkandcuttingtheblueberrypancakehegotforme.
“Iknow,butIdon’tknow,shouldyoucallandmakesurethateverythingisokay?”heasksmeandIavoidlookingathim.“Howfaralongarewe?”
“I’massumingI’maboutfiveweeks.”Iavoidhowmyheartbeatdifferentwhenhesaidthewe
“Weshouldcallandsetupanappointment,”hesaysbetweenbites.
“Weshouldn’t,”Isay,takinganotherbiteofthepancake.“Ishould.”
Ilookoverathimandhejuststaresatmeandmyheartspeedsupinmychest.“Don’tyouhaveworktogetto?”
“Isthatyourwayoftellingmetoshutup?”heasksme,andIwanttoreachoverandrunmyhandthroughhishair.Hisperfectlystyledblackhair,butinsteadofdoingwhatIwanttodo,Iturnbackandeatmybreakfast.“ItoldTravis.”
“Iheard,”Itellhim,grabbingsomefruit.“Harlowsaidyouwereoverthere.”
“Whatdidyoursisterssay?”heasksmeandIlaugh.
“Theyweresurprised,”Iadmittohim.
“WhataboutwhenyoutoldthemIwasthefather?”heasksmeandIsaynothing.“YoudidtellthemIwasthefather.”HesitsupnowandIcan’tholdinthelaughteranymore.
“Imean,ItriedtotellthemitwasJasonMomoa.”Itrynottosmile.“Buttheydidn’tbelieveme.”
Heputshiscupdownonthesidetableandturnsbacktome.“Areyoudone?”Hemovesthetrayoffme,gettingoffthebedandputtingthetrayoffoodonthedresser.Iwatchhimthewholetime.Everythingabouthimmakesmykneesweak;it’salwaysbeenhim.Always,fromthefirsttimeIcouldnevereventhinkofbeingwithanyoneelse.“So,whatareyougoingtodotoday?”Hesitsnexttomewithhisfeetonthefloorasheleansoverme,hislipsclosetomine
“I’mgoingtogotowork,”Isay,runningmyhandsthroughhishairjustlikeIwantedtodowhenhewalkedintotheroom.“Ihaveaweddingtoday.”IlookoverandseethatI’malreadylateandIshouldbustmyasstogetoutofbed.ButIgivemyselfacouplemoreminutes.
“You”—hebendsandkissesmyneckontherightside—”aregoingtocallthedoctor.”HekissestheleftsidenowandImovemynecktogivehimaccess.Hiskissesmakemeforgeteverything.“Andthenyouaregoingtocallme.”Hekissesmylips.“Right,gorgeous?”
Myeyesflutteropennow.“Areyougoingtopersuademe?”Ileanuptokisshim,mywholechestgettingfull.
“No.”Hegetsup.“YouhavetogetupandgetgoingandIwon’thaveenoughtimewithyou.”
“Um.”Igetonmyelbows.“Itcanbeonlyaboutme.”
“It’salwaysaboutyou.”Hebendsoncemoreandkissesme.“ButIdon’thaveenoughtime.Thenyouaregoingtoberushingtogetoutofhereandthenblamemeforbeinglate.”
“Fine,”Ihuff.“ThengetgoingorelseI’mgoingtobelate.”
“Alwayspushingmeout.”Hesmilesatme,leaningdown,andrubbinghisnosewithmine.“You’llcallme,right?”HekissesmeonemoretimeandIignorehim.Hegivesmeonemoresecondbeforehesays,“Gorgeous.”
“Ugh,fine.”Ithrowthecoversoffme.“I’llcallyou,nowgetout.”
“Haveagoodday,gorgeous,”hesaysonemoretimebeforewalkingout.Ilistentohisfeetwalkoutthedoor.ImoveovertothecurtainandsneaklookingoutsideasIwatchhimwalktothecar.Myheartstartstospeedup,justlikeitalwaysdoes,andthenwhenhegetsinthecarandlooksup,myheartsuddenlysinksinmychest.IfightawaythetearsthatthreatentocomebutI’mnotfastenoughthismorning,ormaybeit’sthehormonesinmybody.Thesingletearrollsdownmycheek.MyhearthurtsthinkingthatIcan’tgivehimwhatheneeds.Thinkingthathedeservessomeonewhoisgoingtolovehimwithoutallthedoubtgoingoffinmyhead.Thinkingthateventuallyheisn’tgoingtobekissingmeawakeinthemorning.Thinkingbacktomybrotherandsistersandseeingwhathappenedtothemthefirsttimetheytriedtofindtheirsignificantother.Knowingitneverworkedoutandthesecondtimewasthecharm.
IputmyhandtomychestasIthinkaboutBennettbeingmyfirsteverything.He’sbeenmyfirstcrush,myfirsttimeinbed,thefirstmanI’veloved,andknowingthatthefirstonenevereverworksout.KnowingthehistoryandknowingthatIshouldhavelethimgobeforemakesmehatemyselfevenmore.KnowingthatIshouldhavecutthisoutyearsago,butonelookfromhimandIforgetitall.OnetouchandI’mapuddleinhishand.
Iwalktothebathroomnumb,myheadspins,andjustlikeeveryothertimeItrytotellmyselfthatit’sgoingtobeokay.Butit’ssomuchmorethistime.Wearehavingababy.Ababy.Iputmyhandtomystomach.“Nomatterwhat,he’sgoingtoloveyouforever.”Thetearsrolldownmycheeks.“He’llbeforeveryourfirstlove.”Ismilethroughthetearsnow.“He’llbeforeverourfirstlove.”Chapter8
Bennett
IpickupthephonetheminuteIgetinthecarandtexther,pullinghernameupandsmilingasItypethesentenceout.
Me:Howiseverythinggoing?
Puttingthephoneinthecupholder,Istartthecaranddrinktherestofmyproteinshake.MychestisrisingandfallingasItrytogetmybreathingdowntoanormalrate.Ijustspentthelasttwohoursinthegympushingmyselfuntilmyarmsfeltlikenoodlesandmykneesweregoingtogiveoutonme.Thephonebeepsnow,tellingmethatIhaveamessageandIseehernameflashonthecenterscreen.
Gorgeous:Uneventful.Brideshowedup,groomedshowedup,sotheyarealreadywinning.
Ilaugh.
Me:Whattimeareyougoingtobedone?
Ilookattheclockandseeit’sjustalittlebitaftereight.
Gorgeous:Ishouldbeoutofhereinaboutanhour.I’mexhausted.
Me:Icancomeandgetyouifyouwant.
Gorgeous:No,I’mokaytodrive.
Me:Okay,comeoverandI’llcookforyou.
Gorgeous:Ishouldgohomeandtakeabath.
Me:Oryoucancomeoverandwecantakeabathtogether.
Gorgeous:Whatareyougoingtocookme?
Me:Whateveryouwant.
Gorgeous:Shrimppasta.
Iputmyheadback;ofcourseshewouldpicksomethingIhavenoideahowtocook.
Gorgeous:What’sthematter,catgotyourtongue?HAHA
Me:Notatall.Seeyouinanhour.
Insteadofgoingstraighthome,IpullupthebestshrimppastarecipethatIcanfindonline;well,thebestaccordingtothestarsandreviews.Parkingmycar,Irushintothegrocerystore,grabbingeverythingonthelist,alongwithacanofwhippedcream.Ialsograbsomecandyandchocolatealongwithsomechips.BythetimeIwalkoutofthegrocerystoreandmakemywaybacktomycar,thebasketisnowfull.Idon’tevennoticethatIwasinthestoreforforty-fiveminutesandwhenIgethomewearriveatthesametime.
Igetoutofmycarandwalkovertohers,pullingopenherdriver’ssidedoor.ShelooksupatmesmilingasIextendmyhandtoher.“Hey,gorgeous.”SheslipsherhandinmineandputsonefootoutandIseesheiswearingherwhitestilettoheels.Shegrabsherbagwithherfreehand,standingup.HerhairislooseandcurledattheendandIwantnothingmorethantoburymyhandsinit.
“Hi.”ShesmilesandIletgoofherhandandwrapitaroundherwaist.
“Yousmellsogood,”Isay,buryingmyfaceinherneckandkissingher.
“IwishIcouldsaythesame.”Shelaughsandpushesmeaway,butIdon’tletgoofherwaist.Instead,Ipullherevenclosertome.Herchestisagainstmineandsheputsherhandsonmybarearms.IlookdownatthegrayT-shirtthatI’mwearingandthebasketballshortsIthrewonwhenIgottothegym.
“IwasgoingtoshowerwhenIgothome.”Ikissherlips.“Butthensomeonewantedshrimp.IfIknewthatitwouldtakemethislong,Iwouldhaveshoweredatthegym.”
“Ifitmakesyoufeelanybetter.”Shedoesn’tmoveherhandsfrommyarms.“I’mreally,reallyhungry.Clarabellabroughtmeasliderandjustthelookofitmademystomachlurch.”
“Howdoesthatmakemefeelbetter?”IlethergoandgrabherhandaswewalkbacktomycarandIpopthetrunkwithmyfreehand.“Itmakesmefeelevenworse,sinceit’lltakeforty-fiveminutesminimumtocook.”Iopenthetrunkandshegaspsoutassheseesit’sfull.
“Whatthehellisallthis?”Shelooksatallthebags.
“Istoppedtogetstufffortherecipe,”Iadmit.“Andthen,well,Iendedupgoingdownalltheaisles,quicklygrabbingwhatIthoughtyoumightwanttosnackon.”
“Isthatwhippedcream?”Sheletsgoofmyhandandgrabsthebottleofwhippedcreamthatisstickingoutofthebag
“Idon’tknowifmaybeyouhadasweettooth.”Iwinkatherasshelaughs.“Thelasttimewehadoneofthat.”
“Iwasstickyfortwodays,”sheremindsme.
“No.”Ishakemyhead.“Thatwasthehoneyandchocolate.”
“Oh,yeah.”ShelooksupatmeandhereyesshineandIlovethissideofher.Thesidewheresheletsdownthewallthatshehasup.Thesidethatshowsmehowmuchshecares.Thesidethatissoftyetvulnerable.Thesidethatifsheknewshewasshowingme,shewoulddeny.Shewouldalsoputupthewallthatshealwayshasup,andIdon’tknowwhatIwouldhavetodotoknockitbackdown.“Youreallydoloveeatingthingsoffme.”
“I’mnottheonlyone.”Ilaugh,grabbingthebag.“Youstartedwiththechocolate.”
“Thatwasyou.”Shegaspsoutandpointsatme.“Iwasfollowingyourlead.”
“Letmegetyouinsideandoffyourfeet,”Itellherassheleansintograboneofthebags.“Don’tyouthinkaboutit,PresleyBaker.”Isayherfullnameanditfeelsweirdnotcallinghergorgeous.
“Oh,youknowhe’spissedwhenhesaysmyname,”shejokeswithmeandletsgoofthebag.“Fine,I’lljustsitandmakeyoucatertome.”ShetiltsherheadbackandItakeadvantageofitandkissherlips.
“Thatsoundslikeagreatplan,”Iagreewithherandwatchherwalkinfrontofme.ThegreenpantssheiswearingmoldtoherassandallIwanttodoisbiteit.Thesage-green-striped,quarter-length,long-sleevedsilkshirtwithcuffsistuckedin.KnowingPresley,shehasmatchingbraandpantiesunderit
Sheunlocksthedoorformeandturnsonthelightattheentrance,asshekicksoffhershoesinthecornerandwalksintossingherbagonthetableinthehallway.Iwalkpasthertothekitchen,dumpingthebagsonthewhiteisland,andgoingbackouttograbtherest.WhenIcomebackin,she’sinthekitchenputtingawaystuff.“I’mgoingtosnackonsomefruits,”shetellsme,walkingovertothesinkandrinsingofftheraspberriesIbought.“AndthenI’mgoingtohavetenchips.”
Iplacetherestofthebagsonthecounter.“Everythinginmoderation.”Shetossesaraspberryinhermouthandmoans.“Thosearesosweet.”Shegrabsacouplemore.
“Here,letmetaste,”Isay,walkingtoherandinsteadofgrabbingonefromthecontainer,Iputmyarmsaroundherwaistandbendmyheadsothatmylipscanfindhers.Mytonguecomesoutandslideswithhers.Thekissstartsoffslowbutthenshedropsthecontainerofraspberriesonthecounterandwrapsherarmsaroundme.Imovemyheadfromonesidetotheother,makingthekissdeepen,andifherstomachdidn’tgrowloutatthatmoment,Iwouldhavecarriedherupstairstotheshowerwithme.
“Okay,thatismycue,”Isay,lettinggoofherlips,“tofeedyou.”Igiveherasoftkissbeforemyarmsdropfromherwaistbutstopatherass.Ipullhertightertomeandshefeelsthatmycockishardandready.
“Or,”shesaysbutherstomachcutsinagain.
“I’mgoingtogoshower,”Itellher.“AndthenI’llstartcooking.”
“Ugh,fine,”shesays,grabbinganotherraspberryatthesametimethatsheopensthebagofchips.“Iwonderifraspberryandbarbecuechipstastegoodtogether.”
“I’llleaveyoutotrythat,”Isay,joggingupstairs.KickingoffmyshoesassoonasIwalkthroughthemasterbedroomandintothewalk-inclosetrightbeforethebathroom.Ipeeltheshirtoffmeandtossitinthebasketinthecorner,alongwiththeshortsandboxers.MycockisstillwonderingwhatisgoingonwhenIgetintheshower.Ishowerinrecordtime,knowingthatshe’sdownstairsandfeelthisguiltthatI’mstarvingmychildatthesametime.
Igrabapairofblackbasketballshortsbeforegoingbackdownstairs.IcanseethekitcheniscleanedthesecondImakemywaydownthesteps.Thefoodhasbeenputawayandshesitsonthecouchwatchingtelevision.Thebagofbarbecuechipsbesideheralongwiththeemptycontainerofwhatwastheraspberries.“Hey,”Isayandshelooksoveratme,andinsteadofgoingtothekitchen,Iwalktoherandbendtokissherlips.Itastesaltnow.“Yougood?”
“Ifinishedalltheraspberriesandatemorethantenchips.”Sheshrugs.
“I’msureit’sgoingtobefine.”Ilaughandkissheronemoretime.
“Yousmellgood.”Shekissesmyjaw.“Cleanandfresh.”Ilaugh,gettingupandwalkingovertothekitchencounterandgrabbingmyphoneandpullinguptherecipe.
IstartgrabbingthethingsIneedandlookovertoseehergettingupandcomingovertothekitchen.Shewalksbehindmeandputsherhandsonmyhips.“Youlooksexy.”ShekissesmybackandIlaugh.
“DoIlooksexybecauseI’mcookingyoufood?”Iaskherovermyshoulderandhereyeslightupevenmoreasshetriesnottolaugh.“That’swhatIthought.”
Shecan’thelpbutlaughnow.“Youalwayslooksexy,”shetellsme.“Likewhenyouwearasuit.”
Igroanout.“Ihatewearingsuits,”Iremindher.Ireallydo.I’vealwayshatedit,butIlovewhatIdo,soIdressthepart.
“Iknowyoudo,whichmakesitevensexier,”shesays.“Youlookedespeciallysexythismorning.”
“Isthatso?”Ifocusontherecipe,eventhoughmycockwantsmetoturnaroundandplaceheronthecountersoIcanfuckher.
“Thatissoandnow”—herhandsrunupmystomachanditliterallysucksin—”it’sevensexier.”
“Youknowwhatisgoingtobeevensexier?”Isaytoherandshewinksatme.“Notthat.Makingyoudinner.”
“Ugh,fine,”shesays.“Wecantalkandmakeaplan.”Iknowtheminuteshegetsherwallbackupbecauseherbodygoesstiff.Herhandsfallfrommeandstraighttohersides.
“Whatplanisthis?”Sheavoidslookingatmeasshewalksaroundthecountertowardthestoolinfrontofme.
“Well,wehavetotalkabouttellingourparents.”Ilookather.“Weneedtogetinwiththedoctorassoonaspossibleandwe.”SheholdsupherhandandIcantellshe’sannoyed.
“Allthiswewewe,”shesaysandIlookather.“I’mtheonehavingthebaby.”
“Andyouaretheonehavingthebaby.”Itrytokeepcalminsteadoflosingmyshit.“Butthatismychildalso.”Ipointather.“Youaren’tdoingthisalone.”Chapter9
Presley
“Andyouaretheonehavingthebaby.”HelooksatmeandIcanseetheveininhisneckstarttopulseandIknowthathe’stryingnottofreakout.“Butthatismychildalso.”Hepointsatme.“Youaren’tdoingthisalone.”Thelumpgoesfrommystomachtomythroat.“Youcanbecarryingthebabyandnurturingit,”hesays,lookingbackdownatwhatheisdoinginfrontofhim.“AndIcannevertellyouhowmuchthatmeanstome.”Hisvoicegoessoftattheend.
“I’mnotdoingitjustforyou,”Isay,rollingmyeyes.
“Ican’tdoanythingforthenexteightmonths,”hesays.“TheonlythingIcandoismakesurethatyouaretakencareof.”Hiswordsmakemyheartspeedup.“TheonlythingthatIcandoismakeyouhappy.”Heshrugs.“Imean,I’vealwayswantedyoutobehappyregardlessofus”—heemphasizesthewordus—”havingababytogether.”Itrytotalkmyselfofftheledgeinfrontofme,andthenhejustlaysmoreonme.“Fortherestofyourlife,mymainconcernistakingcareofyouboth.”Hestaresintomyeyeswhilehesaysthewords.“Period.That’smyjob.Totakecareofyouandourchildren.”
“Okay,one.”Iholdupafinger.“It’sonebaby,nottwo.”Herollshislips.“And,two.”Iholdupanotherfinger.“YouknowIcantakecareofmyself,right?”Ipointouttohimandheturnstotakeapanoutandturnonthestove.“Likeyouweren’thereforthelastwhat,eightyears,andIsurvivedjustfine.”Thewaymyheartisbeatingit’salmostlikeit’sgettingreadytocomeoutofmychest,andIhavetocrossmyhandstogetherbecausetheyareabouttogocrazyshaking.Thiswholetalkisgettingwaytooclosetothefeelingstalk,andthethoughtalonemakesmewanttojumpoutofmyskin.
“Oh,Ihavenodoubtthatyoucantakecareofyourself,gorgeous,”hesays,turningandgrabbingthingstotossintothepan.“Butit’salsookaytoletsomeoneelsetakecareofyou.”Igetupfromthestool,mymouthsuddenlydry.Walkingovertothecabinetandgrabbingaglass,Igotothefridgeandfillitwithwater.“Like,forexample,Iwanttocookyoudinner.”
“I’mhappytoeatyourdinner,”Isay,tryingtolightenthetalkandgetoffthetrackofwhereIthinkthisisgoing.
“Iwanttotakeyouout,”hesharesandthebackofmyneckstartstoburn.
“I’llbesportingababybumpsoon.”Ismileathim.“Thereisnoneedtotakemeoutandstakeyourclaim.”
Helooksoveratmeforasecondbeforeturninghisfacebackforward,movingthepotonthestovetop.“Iwanttobebyyoursidethewholeway.Allday,everyday.”
“YouknowthatI’mnevergettingmarried,right?”ThewordscomeoutevenbeforeIcanstopthem.“Imean,it’snosurprisetoanyone.Thisisn’tnew.”
“Oh,trustme;everyoneandtheirmotherknowsthatyouarenevergettingmarried.”HelaughsandIcantellthatthisconversationisgettinghimtense.Icantellbythewayhishandisclenchedontothehandleofthepot.“Butwhy?”
“You’rekidding,right?”Itrytomakeajokeofthiswholeconversation.
“I’mnotkidding,”hesays,walkingovertograbanotherpot.“I’veheardyousayyouarenevergettingmarried.”Iwatchhimwalkovertothesinkandfillthepotwithwater.“Butyou’venevertoldmewhy.”Heputsthepotthatisfullofwateronthestoveandturnsontheburner.
“Well,wheredoIstart,”Isayandhewalksovertotheislandwherehegrabstheshrimp.“Let’sstartwithmybrother.”
“Youmeanyourbrotherwhoismarriedtotheloveofhislife.”Heturnshisbacktothrowtheshrimpinthepan.“Andhastwochildren.”
Iglareathimnow.“DidyouforgetabouthimbreakingHarlow’sheartandthengettingengagedtosomeoneelse?”Iaskhim,myeyebrowsgoingup.“Let’snotforgetthatdetail.”
“Nooneisforgettingthatdetail,butattheendofthedayhe’smarriedandhappy,”heremindsme,andIhaveneverhatedhimbeingalawyermoreinmylifethanrightnow.
“Okay,thenmoveontotheshitshowthathappenedtomysisters.”Icounterhisobjectionorwhateveritwas.Mymouthisgettingdryandmyneckisstartingtoburn.
“Youmeanyoursisterswhoarehappilymarried?”heasksmeandallIcandoisglareathim,thatandtotellhimtofuckoff.
Butinstead,Itrytokeepcalm.“Theyarehappilymarriednow.”Myvoicegoesupatouch.“Buttheydidn’tstartouthappilymarried.”
Heshrugshisshoulders.“Theyjustweren’twiththerightone.”
“Exactlymypoint.”Ithrowmyhandsup.“Theythoughttheywereandthenwhat?”Ilookathim.“Oh,nocounter,Mr.Lawyer.”Hechuckles.“Itellyouwhat,thentheygotkickedinthevaginaandthenuptheassgettingtheirheartbroken.”Ishakemyhead.“Nope,notgoingtohappen.Notinterested.”Justthethoughtmakesmestarttohyperventilate.
“Butiftheydidn’tgettheirasseskicked,thentheywouldn’thavefoundout,”hesaysandIholdupmyhand.
“Iknowwhatyouaregoingtosay.Theywerenotwiththerightperson.Blahblahblah.”Heirritatesmeevenmorebylaughingjustabit;okay,fine,itirritatesmealotandIignorethefactthatit’sbotheringmebecauseinawayhe’sright.“Buttheystillgottheirheartsbroken.Shit,theyweregoingtowalkdowntheaisleandpromiseforeverwithsomeone.”Islaptheislandinfrontofme.“Andthenwhat.”
“Buttheydidn’t,”hesayscalmly.
“No,theydidn’t,theyjustgottheirheartsbroken,”Itellhim.“I’mnotgoingtoeverputmyselfthroughthat.”Ishakemyhead.“I’veseenenoughweddingstolastmealifetimeandyouknowwhichonesIrememberthemost?”Hejuststaresatme.“Theoneswheretheygettheirheartstompedon.Theoneswhereoneisleftsobbingandtheotherisjustgone.I’mjustnotinterestedinit.”
“Whosaysyouaregoingtogetyourheartbroken?”heasksmeandnowturnstolookstraightatme.“Youcanbedifferentfromyoursistersandfromallthoseotherstories.Youkeeplookingattheonethatfailed,eventhoughyoursisters’marriagesareintactandstillstrong.”Hepointsatme.“Imean,LukeandClarabellastillhavenakedSunday.Youshouldlookatalltheonesthatactuallytookplaceandtheyarehappy.Haveyoueverdonethepercentage?”
“No,becauseIdon’tneedto.”Ihaveneverbeenmoreadamantaboutsomethinginmywholelife.Ijustcan’tdoit.Hell,evenwatchingmymothermournmyfatherwassohardformetowatch.Ihavenevertoldanyoneaboutwhatthatdidtome.Iwillnevertellanyone.Listeningtohercryatnightforhim.Watchinghertrytopretendshewasokay,allthewhileshewouldwalkaroundthehouseandtalktohim.“Iwon’teventhinkofputtingmyselfinthatposition,”Itellhim,myheartspeedingupandthesenseofmychestbeingcrushed.“Tobethatdependentonsomeone.Ever.Soit’snotevenadiscussion.”
“Well,whataboutus?”heasksmeandinthelasttwelveyearshehasnevereverpushedmetocallwhatwehaveanything.Imean,sure,we’veneversaidwewerenotseeingotherpeoplewhilehewasawayandIwashere.Imean,IknowthatIwasn’tseeinganyoneandIneveraskedhimifhewasseeinganyoneelse.Mainlybecauseevenifhesaidhewas,Iwasn’tgoingtogivehimwhathewanted.Ineveraskedandhenevertoldme.Butthelastsixmonthsthathe’sbeenback,it’sbeenevidentthatwewereonlyseeingeachother.
“Whataboutus?”Iaskhim,tryingtobeconfusedbyhisquestion.“It’smeandit’syouandnowthereisababy.”
“Ourbaby.”Hepointsathimandthentome.“Idon’twanttoarguewithyou,”hesayssoftly.“Ijustwantyoutoknowthatyoucan’tgetridofme.”
Irollmyeyes.“IneversaidIwantedtogetridofyou.”Thethoughtofnotbeingwithhimhurtsmyheart,butIalsoknowthateventuallyI’mnotgoingtobewithhim.I’vebeenpreparingmyheartforthisforawhilenow.Ijustdidn’tthinkitwouldbesosoon.
“No,butyoualsoneversaidyouwantedmeeither,”hesaysandhistonesoundslikehe’shurt.“Imean,Iknowyoulikespendingtimewithme.Atleastatnight.”HesmirksandIcan’ttellifhe’shurtornot.“Idon’twanttotakeyourindependencefromyou,”hemurmurssoftly.“ThelastthingIwantisforyoutodosomethingyoudon’twanttodoandthenblamemeforstoppingyoufromdoingit.”Idon’tsayanythingorinterrupthim,insteadIlistentohim.“WhatI’msayingisthatIwanttobethereforyouandthebabynotbecauseIhaveto,butbecauseIwantto.Iwanttogotothedoctorwithyou.Iwanttocookyoudinnerorbreakfast.”HewinksatmeandIcanfeelthathe’schangingthesubject.“Iwanttogoforawalkwithyoudownthestreet.Iwantto,Idon’tknow,atleastbeabletoholdyourhandwhenIwantto.”Heshrugs.“Buttobehonest,itdoesn’tmatterwhatIwantbecauseattheendofthedayIwantyouhappy.”IswallowthelumpinmythroatbecauseallIwanttosayisthathemakesmehappy.Thatbeingwithhimmakesmehappy.IwanttotellhimthatbutIdon’t,Idon’tsayanything.“NowgoandwatchtelevisionsoIcanfinishcooking.”
“Fortherecord,”Isay,pushingawayfromthecounter.“Youmakemehappy,”Iadmitandhiseyeslightupabit.“Anditsmellsdelicious.”
“Good.”Henodsatme.“Nowcomegivemeakiss.”
“Soneedy,”Ijoke,walkingtohimandstandingbesidehim,wrappingmyarmsaroundhiswaist.“Itsmellsreally,reallygood,”Isaysoftlyandlookupathim.Heleansdownandkissesmylipsandjustlikethefirsttime,everythinginsidemewakesup.“Nowgorelaxandgetoffyourfeet.”Hemotionswithhishead,bendingdownagain,andrubbinghisnoseagainstmine.“Thenwecangotobedandyoucansneakoutonmeinthemorning.”
Ican’thelpbutthrowmyheadbackandlaugh.“Funny,funnyguy,”Itease,turningaroundandwalkingovertothecouch.Itrytofocusontheshowthatisplayingonthetelevision,butinsteadIplacemyhandonmystomach.AllIcandoiswatchthemaninthekitchen,themanwhoisquiteliterallythemanofanyone’sdream.EvenmineifIwouldgivemyselfachanceatit.Chapter10
Bennett
Irollover,reachingouttograbPresleytopullhernexttome.MyarmfindsthebedemptyandIopenmyeyes,seeingthatthesideofthebedisinfactempty.“Gorgeous,”Icallforher,pushinguponmyelbow.Ilookaroundtheroom,seeingthatherstuffisnowheretobefound.Ilistenforanynoiseanywhere.Maybeshejustgotupandisinthebathroomgettingdressed,butthereisnonoiseanywhereexceptformybreathing.“Thatwoman,”Ihuff,pissedatmyselffornothearinghersneakout.Butinmydefense,wewereupatfivewhenshewiggledherassovermycock.Ittooklessthanthirtysecondsformetoslideintoher.Iliebackdownonmypillow,turningandgrabbingmyphonefromthesidetable.Pressingthesidebutton,Iseethatit’sjustalittleafterseventhirty.Iswipeup,openingthephoneapp,clickingonrecentandfindingheratthetopofthelist.
Itaphernameandthenthelittlephoneicon,puttingitonspeakerphoneonthepillowbesidemeandclosemyeyes.Itringsthreetimesbeforesheanswers.“Hello,”shegroansoutandmyeyesshootopenassoonasIhearhervoice.
“Gorgeous,”Isay,myheartstartingtospeedupasIgrabthephone.“What’swrong?”
“Ithinktheshrimpdidn’tagreewithme.”Hervoicecomesoutasshehuffsout,“Ihavetolet,”shesays,andthenIhearthephonedroptothefloor.“OhmyGod”isthelastthingIhearbeforeshethrowsup.
Ithrowthephonetothesideandflyoutofbed.Runningtothewalk-inclosetandgrabbingapairofboxersandbasketballshorts.PullingawhiteT-shirtoffoneofthehangersandrushingdownthestepswhiletryingtoputiton;onlytorunbackupthestairstogetmyphonethatIforgot.“Shit,”Imumbletomyself.Igrababaseballhatfromthefrontcloset,whileIslidemyfeetintomysneakersfromlastnightandmycarkeysonthewayout.IputthehatbackwardasIjogtothecargettingin.IconnecttheBluetooth,whileputtingmyseatbelton.StartingthecarIpressthevoicebutton.“CallTravis,”Isayandlookattheclock,seeingifmaybeit’stooearlytocall,butbythetimeIthinkthis,it’salreadytworingsinandhe’sansweringthephone
“WhatdoIowetheprivilegeofhavingyoucallmethisfinemorning?”hesaysandIcanhearCharlotteinthebackgroundcallingMama.
“Oh,good,you’reup,”IhuffasImakemywaydownthestreet.“IwasafraidIwouldwakeyou.”
Travislaughsout.“It’seight,”hesays.“It’salmostlunchtimeforus.”Ilookoveratthecenterconsoleseeinghisnameandnotevenunderstandingwhathemeans.
“Ihavenoideawhatthatmeans,”Isay,myfingertappingthesteeringwheel.
“Ihaveachildwhoisalmostone;shegetsupattheasscrackofdawn,”hesays.“You’llknowwhenit’syourturn.”
“Whoisonthephone?”IhearHarlowaskhim.
“Bennettthoughthewaswakingusup.”HelaughsandIhearhimputmeonspeakerphone.
“Iwish,”Harlowsays.“Thequestionis,whyareyouup?”
“Ineedhelp,”Isay.“PresleyisthrowingupandIthinkshehasfoodpoisoningorsomethinglikethat.”
“Shedoesn’thavefoodpoisoning,”Harlowshares.“It’scalledmorningsickness.”
“Okay,let’scallitmorningsickness.”Iturnandheadtowardthesupermarket,makingamentalnotetosearchmorningsickness.“WhatshouldIdo?”
“Run,”Travisdeadpans,withoutskippingabeatandIhearHarlowsmackhisarm.“Ouch.”
“Sheneedstoeatsaltinesandgingerstuff,”Harlowsays,hervoicecomingclosetothephone.“Anythinggingersettlesthestomach.”
“Okay.”Ipullintotheparkinglotofthegrocerystore.“Sogingerale,gingertea,gingersnaps.”
“Howsickisshe?”Harlowasksme,worryinhervoice.
“Ihavenoidea,”Ianswerhonestly.“Icalledherandshetoldmethattheshrimpdidn’tagreewithherandthenhunguponmetogovomit.”
“Shedoesn’tknowyouaregoingtoseeher?”TravisasksasIdisconnectthephoneandgetoutofthecar.IputthephonetomyearasIwalkintothegrocerystoreandgrabahandcart.
“Whatkindofquestionisthat?”IaskTravisasIwalkthroughtheproducetowardtheaisles.
“Listen,Ithinkthatyoushouldgooverthere,”Travissays.“ButknowingPresley,she’sgoingtokickyouintheballsinthemiddleofthrowingup.”
“No,sheisn’t.”Ilaughandthinkhemightbewrongbutitiswhatitis.Igrabtwoboxesofsaltinesbeforerushingovertogetsomegingersnaps.
“No,sheisn’t.”Harlowtakesmyside.“Shelikeshimenoughtohavesexwithhim.”
“Eww,”Travissays.“That’smysisterandI’mtryingveryhardnottothinkofherdoinganythingwithhim.”
Ilaughnow.“Wearehavingachildtogether.”
“Don’tremindme,”Travisreplies.“I’mnotoverthefactthatyoubrokebrocode.”
“What?”Iaskhim,chucklingasImakemywaythroughthegrocerystore.
“Yousleptwithmysister,”hesaysandIhearHarlowlaugh.“HowwouldyoulikeitifIsleptwithyoursister?”
“Idon’thaveasister,”Iremindhim.
Hedoesn’thavetimetoanswermebecauseHarlowkicksinhertwocents.“Whywouldyousleepwithhissister?Doyouwanttosleepwithsomeoneelse?”
“Asyourattorney,I’mgoingtoadviseyounottoanswerthat,”Isay.“Butnowthatyouansweredmyquestion,I’mgoingtoletyougo.”
“Stayawayfrommysister,”hegrowlsintothephoneandIhanguplaughing.Idon’tevenknowwhatI’mthrowingintothehandcartbutitweighsaton.IthanktheLordthatIhaveApplePayonmyphonebecauseinmyrushtogetoutofthehouse,Iforgotmywallet.
Igetintothecar,puttingthethreewhitegrocerybagsontheseatbesideme,thewholetimemystomachisinknotsthinkingabouthersickandalone.WhenIpulluptoherhouse,IcallhertoletherknowthatI’mherebutshedoesn’tpickupthephone.Ishakemyhead,walkingupthesteptoherfrontdoor.Ithinkaboutringingthebell,butifshe’sinbed,Idon’twanthergettingup,soIputinthecodetothedoor.Iturntheknobofthefrontdoorandpushopenthedoor.Thehouseisstillindarkness.“Gorgeous,”IsaysoftlyasIwalkthroughthehousetothekitchen.Thehousehasalittlebitmorelightinginthekitchenthankstothebigwindowsandthedrapesthatareopen.Iputthebagsonthecounterandthenturntoseethatsheisn’tonthecouch.“Gorgeous,”IsayagainsoftlyasImakemywaytowardherbedroom.Theroomisstillindarknessthankstohercurtains.Iwalkintoherroomseeingherinthemiddleofthebed,thethrowpillowsaretossedattheedgeofthebedontopofherfurryblanket.“Hey,”Isaysoftlyandsheopenshereyes.“I’msorry,Ididn’tmeantowakeyou.”
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”sheasksmeasIsitdownonherking-sizebed.
“Youdidn’tthinkIwouldn’tcome.”Ileandownandkisshercheek.“IcalledTravis.”
“Congratulations,”shesays,sighingandbringingthecoverstohernecktighter.
“Harlowthinksyouhavemorningsicknessandnotfoodpoisoning.”Myhandcomesuptorubhercheek.
“Harlowisn’tadoctor.”Shelooksatme,andshelookssopale.“Imean,she’sadoctorbutforanimals.”
Ilaughather.“Okay,well,justincase,Iboughtyousomethings,”Isaysoftly.“Howisyourstomachnow?”
“Thereisawargoingoninthere.”Sheturnsonherback.“AndIdon’tknowwhoiswinningandwhoislosingbuteitherwaytheybothwantmemiserable.”Ibendtokissherlipssoftly.
“I’msorry,”Isaytoher.“Ididn’thearyouleave.”Ilookintohereyes.“IfIwouldhaveheardyousneakingout.”
“Ididn’tsneakout.”Sheavoidsmyeyesasshelooksatthedoorway.“Igotupandleft.”Iraisemyeyebrows.“Quietlyastonotwakeyou.”
Ican’thelpbutlaughather.“Okay,well,youneedtostopdoingthat,”Iscold.“Whatifyougotsickwhiledriving?”
“Thenthatwouldhavebeenameproblemandnotayouproblem.”Shefoldsherarmsoverherchest.“I’mfine,”shesays,andassoonasthewordsleavehermouth,shepushesawayfrommeandjumpsoutofbed.“Don’tcomeinhere,”shewarns,slammingthedoorbehindherandthenIhearhergettingsick.Ihangmyhead,theneedtorushintherebiggerthanme,butIknowthatifIdothat,sheisreallygoingtokickmeout.
“Howareyoudoinginthere?”Iaskafteraminuteofnothearinganything.ThetoiletflushesandIhearthewaterfromthesinkturnon.
“Peachykeen,”shemumblesandIhearherrinsehermouthout.Ittakesaminutemorebeforeshecomesbackoutofthebathroom.She’swearingoneofmyT-shirtsIleftherethatfitsherlikeadress.
Shewalksbacktothebed,slidingin.“Ibroughtyougingeraleandgingertea,”Itellhersoftlyandgetup.“I’mgoingtogoandgetyousomewithsomesaltines.”
“Fine,”shehuffsandturnsonherside.“Icoulddosomegingerale.”Inodather,knowingthisisherwayofacceptingthehelp.Whichmakesmeknowthatshereallydoesn’tfeelwell.Ifshewouldbeintip-topshape,shewouldhavetoldmetofuckoffandshe’sfine.
“I’llgogetyousome.”Ikissherforeheadandwalkoutoftheroom.Iopensomeoftheblindsgettingsomemorelightin,afterIstartthekettle.Iprepareatrayforherwithaplateofsaltinesandgingersnaps.IalsobringhergingeralewithiceandwithouticeandImakeheragingertea.
WhenIwalkbackintotheroom,sheissittingupwithherheadonthepillow.Theminuteshefeelsmeintheroom,sheopenshereyes.“Ohmygoodness,”shesayswhenIplacethetrayonthebedinthemiddleofus.Herhandgoesstraightforthegingeralewithice.“Thislookssogood,”shesays,grabbingitandbringingittoherlips.“Ijustgotsuddenlyreallyhot.”Shetakesoneofherlegsoutofthecovers.
“Howareyoufeelingnow?”Iaskher,tryingnottofreakoutthatshe’ssickandmaybesheshouldgotothehospital
“Fine,”shehuffsandopenshereyestolookatme.Iglareather.“Fine,mystomachisgoinglikethis.”Shepicksupherhandanddoesthewavewithit.Igetupandwalkintoherbathroomturningonthecoldwaterinthesinkandturningtograbahandtowel.Iwetitandsqueezeitout,returningtoherbedside.Thegingeralehasbeenfinishedandshehasherheadbackandhereyesclosed.
“Here.”Iholdouttheragtoher.“Whydon’tyouputthisonthebackofyourneck?”
“Idon’tknowhowthatisgoingtohelp,”shereplies,grabbingtheragfrommebutsheputsitonthebackofherneck.“Butifitwillgetyouoffmyback.”Ican’thelpbutlaughasIwalkaroundthebedandkickoffmyshoes.“Whatareyoudoing?”
“I’mgoingtositbyyoursideuntilyoufeelbetter.”Isitdownonthebedbesideherwithmybacktotheheadboard.Igrabtheremotecontrol,turningonthetelevision.“Youdidn’tthinkI’dleaveyou.”Ican’thelpbutshakemyheadandlaughatthesametime.“Whydon’tyourestyoureyes,gorgeous.”Iturntolookatherbutfindherglaringatme,andIcan’thelpbutleaninandkissherlips.“Andsaveyourenergyinsteadoffightingwithme.”Chapter11
Presley
“Herewego.FromwhatIreadontheinternet,thebestthingtocurbthenauseaisbonebroth,”Bennettsays,walkingintotheroomasIwalkbackoutofthebathroom.
“Wherethehelldidyougetbonebroth?”Iaskhim,draggingmyassbacktobedandslidingunderthecovers.Todayhasnotbeenagoodday;ithasinfactbeentheworstdayofmylifeandIwouldnotrecommendittoanyone.
“IcalledLuke,”hesaystomeasifthat’sanormalthing.“Explainedthesituation.”
“Andwhatsituationisthat?”Itrynottolaughathim.
“Um,”hesays,holdingthetrayinhishand.“Theonewhereyouatebadshrimp.”Hewinksatme.“Andnotthefactthatit’smorningsicknessbecauseyouarewithchild.”
“Smartmove,Bennett.”Ismileathim.Thewholeafternoonhehasbeenhere,nomatterhowmuchItoldhimhedidn’tneedtobehere;hewasjusthere.“Smartmove.”
“Iaimtoplease,”hetellsme,smilingandIrollmyeyes.“Doyoufeelbetternowthatyoutookashower?”
“Andstoppedthrowingup.”IfoldmylegsinfrontofmeashelaysthetraydownandIlookattheyellow-coloredbroth.IturnmyheadrightawayandgrabmyphonedialingLuke,whoanswersrightaway.“Whatisinbonebroth?”
“Oh,God.”Bennettgrabsthetrayoffmeandturnstowalkoutoftheroom.
“It’sbones,”heanswersmeandIrollmyeyes.“It’slikeknuckles,joints,oxtails,shanks,shortribs.”Iputmyhandinfrontofmymouth.
“Neverbringthatshitintomyhouseagain,”Isaytohimandhelaughs.
“Ididn’tbringanything,yourmanorderedit.”Lukecan’thelpbutlaugh.“Ialsobroughtyouaburger,somaybegowiththat.”Ihearyellinginthebackground.“Ihavetoletyougo;it’snakedSundayandIhavetogetoutofmyclothes.”Ithrowmyphonedownandgetoutofbed,walkingdowntothekitchen.
“Doyouknowwhat’sinthat?”IpointatthesoupandBennettjustshakeshishead.HestandstherelookinglikeacollegekidinsteadofaseriouslawyerandIcan’thelpbutlovethislookalso.“Thereislikeknucklesandjoints.”Iputmyhandtomystomach.“IthinkfortonightIshouldhavemaybechickenbroth,orIdon’tknow,thesaltineshelped.”
“Whateveryouwant,gorgeous,”hesays,pouringthesoupdownthesink.“Doyouwantagrilledcheese?”Iwanttosayno,butwhenheturnsandlooksatme,allIcandoissmile.“Goliebackdown,”hesays,walkingovertothestove.“I’llbedoneinfiveminutes.”
Iwalkbackintothebedroomandgetintobed.Iliedownandclosemyeyes,justtorestthemforaminute,andthenextthingIknowI’mblinkingthemawakeandI’minBennett’sarms.MyheadinhisneckandIcan’thelpbutbreathehimin.IlooktoseeifanylightiscominginfromthekitchenbutallIseeisdarkness.Ithinkaboutgettingupandmovingawayfromhimbuthejustpullsmeincloser.“Gotosleep,Presley,”hemumblesandforthefirsttimeIgobacktosleep.
“Goodmorning.”Ifeelakissonmyneck.“Ihavetoheadouttowork,”hesays,“butIdidn’twanttosneakoutandmakeyouworryaboutme.”Istretch,laughingathiscomment.“Seeyoulater.”Hekissesmylips.“Thereiswater,gingerale,andgingerteaonthebedsidetable.”
Iopenmyeyesandseehimstilltherelookingoverme.“Bye,”Isay,pushinghimaway.“Go,I’llbefine.”
“You’llcallme?”heasksme,walkingbackwardtowardthedoorandforthefirsttimeIdon’twanthimtogo.Iwanthimtostay,it’salsothefirsttimeIsleptthewholenightwithoutonefootoutthedoor.
“No,”Itellhimasheturnsandwalksoutofthebedroomlaughing.
“Seeyoutonight,gorgeous”isthelastthinghesaysbeforewalkingoutthedoorandslammingthedoorbehindhim.
“Ornot,”Isay,grabbingthegingerteafromthetraybesidemybed.Itakeasipoftheteaandwalkovertothewalk-incloset,grabbinganicewhiteskirtwithgreenandlightpinkleaveswithabutton-upsleevelesswhitecottonshirt.Thestrappynudeheelscompletetheoutfit,andwhenIwalkintotheofficeforty-fiveminuteslater,I’mmetwithahugestrawbasketthatsitsonthetableinmyoffice.
IwalkoverandlookinsideseeingallthestuffthatIhaveathome.“Morning.”Clarabellasticksherheadin.“Yourmanjustdroppedthatoffandtoldmetomakesurethatyouareokay.”
“Idon’thaveaman,”Iinformher.“Icantakecareofmyself.”
“Sureyoucan.”ShelaughsandIignoreher.Ialsoignorethefactthatduringthedaytheonlythingthatmakesmefeelbetterarethesaltinesandthegingertea.Luckily,IhavenoappointmentsforthedayandShelbyworksfromhomeandClarabellatookoffatlunch.I’mabouttocallitadaywhenmyphoneringsandIseeit’sBennett.
“Hello,”IanswerbeforeIcaneventhinkaboutit.
“Gorgeous,youdidn’ttextme,”hehuffsandhisvoicegoessoft.“Howareyoufeeling?”
“Great,”Isay,lyingabit.Ididgetqueasybefore.
“Good,whenareyouleavingwork?”heasksmeandIcanhearthathe’sdoingsomething.
“Now.”Igetup,grabbingmykeysandpurse.
“Perfecttiming,”hesays.“Stopbymyplaceonthewayhome.”
“Idon’tknowwhatthehelliswrongwithmebutIhadthissuddenneedtonap,”Itellhim.“SoIwasgoingtogohomeandgetintobed.”
“Youhavetoeat,”heremindsme.“Soyoumightaswelljustcomehereandthenyoucannap.”
“Willyouleavemealone?”Ihuff,gettingintomycar.“I’llbethereinten.”
“Seeyousoon,gorgeous,”hesays,disconnecting.
WhenIparkmycar,I’mpissedthatIcamehereinsteadofjustgoinghome.IwalkupthestepsandI’mabouttoknockonthedoorwhenit’sswungopenandhestandsthereinhisdresspantsandhisbaby-bluebutton-upshirtrolledupatthesleeves.“Hey,gorgeous.”Hewrapshisarmsaroundmywaistandpullsmeinforakiss.Hismuskycolognealwaysdoesmein.“Youlookamazing.”Idon’thavetimetosayanythingelsebecausehebendshisheadandkissesmylips.MytonguecomesoutandslidesintohismouthandIswearhiskissesleavemebreathless.“Icouldgetusedtothis,”hesays,kissingmyneck.“Butyouhavetoeat.”HegrabsmyhandandpullsmeintothekitchenandI’mshocked.
“Whatisallthis?”Iaskofthetake-outtraysthatfillthewholeisland.
“Ididn’tknowhowyouwouldbefeelingtonight,”hesays,standingbehindmewithhishandsonmyhips.“SoIwentaheadandhadallofyourfavoritefoodprepared.”
IlookoverateverythingthatIlovefromblueberrymuffinstomaple-glazedsalmon.“OhmyGod,”Isay,shakingmyheadandlookingovermyshoulderathim.Hisblackhairlookslikehewasnervouslyrunninghishandthroughit,hisbrowneyeslooklikehome.Iturninhisarmsandwrapmyarmsaroundhisneck.“I’mnotsayingthatI’mnothungry.”Ikissunderhischin,lovinghisfiveo’clockshadow.“ButIthinkI’mhungryforsomethingelse.”Inipunderhisjaw.“Somethingmeatier.”Ilickhisjawasmybodytingleswithanticipation.Hishandsgripmyhipsharderthanbefore.“Somethingthatismoreofamuscle.”SexwithBennettisneverdullandIhavetosayneitherofusholdbackwhenitcomestothis.IfIwantsomething,Ihavenoproblemtellinghim,justlikeifhewantsmetosuckhiscockorridehim,hewillcomerightoutandsayit.Ican’ttellyouthenumberoftimeswewouldbeonthecouchandallIwouldhavetosayisI’mhornyandwe’dbenakedandhisheadwouldbeburiedbetweenmylegs.
Ikisshisneckandturntoholdhishand,bringinghimovertotheU-shapedcouch.“Gorgeous,”hesaysandIlookovermyshoulderandmychesttightens.He’sbeenmydreammansinceIcanremember.“Youreallyneedtoeat,”hesaystome,butinsteadIpushhimdownontooneoftheends.HeopenshislegsandIstepbetweenthem,hishandsroamingupthebackofmylegsallthewayuptomybareass,whilehelooksupatme.“Unbuttonmyskirt,”ItellhimasIrunmyhandsthroughhishair.Theskirtfallstothefloor,puddlingaroundmyfeet.“Lieback.”Ipushhimbackandheliesdown.Icrawlontothecouchwithhim,mykneesonthesidesofhiships.
Mypussysittingrightoverhiscoveredcock,Imovemyhipssidetoside.Fallingforwardononehand,myfacerestsrightontopofhis.“Gorgeous,”hehissesasmylipsfallonhis,histonguecomingouttoslideintomymouth.Hishandsmovetomysides,slowlymovingtothefrontofmywhiteshirt.Hemoveshisheadtotheothersidewhilehishandsunbuttonmywhiteshirt.Ourtonguesplaywitheachotherashefinallygetsallthebuttonsundone.ThenIfeelhisfingersmovingtomybackandinasplitsecondmybraissnappedoff.Isituponhiscocknow,suddenlywishingItookhispantsoffbeforeIstartedthis.Heslipstheshirtoffmyarmsandthebrafallsforwardandisthrownacrosstheroom.“Fuck.”HishandscupmytitsandmynipplesaresosensitiveeversinceIfoundoutIwaspregnant.Icouldcomejustfromhimplayingwiththem.Myhipsmoveupanddownonhiscockandmywholebodyfeelslikeit’sonfire.
Imoveoutofhisreachandrubmyhandupanddownhiscoveredshaft.“Weshouldhavegottenthesepantsoffbefore.”IlickmylipsasIunbucklehisbelt.He’salreadykickingoffhisshoes.Idon’tevenwaitforhispantstobeoffhimbeforeIbendandlickthetopofhiscock.Thesaltytasteofhisprecumhitsmytonguerightaway.“Hmm,”Igroan,takinghiscockintomymouth.Hisnice,thick,hardcock,justthefeelingofhiminmymouthandI’mwet.Iwrapmyhandaroundhisshaftwhilehepushesmyhairawayfrommyface.Hishandgripsmyhairinhisfist,andwhenIlookup,he’swatchingmesuckhiscock.
“That’sit,”hesaysbreathlessly.“Fuck.”Hiseyesneverleavemine.Ilickuptheshaftandtwirlmytonguearoundtheheadofhiscock.“Howwetareyou?”heasksmeandIdon’tanswerhim.Instead,Islidethehandthatisjerkinghiscockandmoveittomypussy.MovingmythongtothesideIslidetwofingersinsideme.Myeyesclosefrommyowntouch,andIfuckmyselfwithmyfingersacoupleoftimes.
“ThisishowwetIam,”Itellhim,holdingupthefingersthatwerejustinsideme.Hishandgrabsmywristandheyanksmyfingerstohismouthashesucksthemclean.Itakehiscockbackintomymouth.“Sowhatdoyouthink?”Iaskhimbetweensuckinghiscockandjerkingitoff.“AmIwet?”Ilickallthewaydowntohisballs.
HegrowlsatmewhenItakeoneofhisballsintomymouth,suckingsoftly.“You’reabouttogetalotwetter.”Chapter12
Bennett
Iwatchhersuckmycockandit’sthehottestthing.I’mtotallylying;everysingletimewithherishot.Shegivesjustasgoodasshegets,it’salwaysbeenlikethat.Thisistheoneplacethatsheletsallherguardsdown.Igrowlatherwhenshesucksoneofmyballsintohermouth,mymouthtastingthesweetnessoffherfingers.“You’reabouttogetalotwetter.”Isitup,surprisingherasshegetsonherknees.MyhandgoestothenapeofherneckwhereIgrabafistfulofherhairandpullhermouthtome.Ourmouthsfeastoneachother,shesucksmytongueexactlyhowshesuckedmycock.
MyhandsgrabherhipsandIflipheraround,soshe’sonherbackandI’mbetweenherlegs.Sheopensformeandpullsherkneesupknowingthatinasecondmymouthisgoingtobeonher.RemovingherthongIseethatherpussyglistensinthelight,andbeforeIbenddowntolickher,Iusemymiddlefingertorubupanddownherslit,slippinginsideher.“Alwayswetforme.”HereyescloseasIfinger-fuckherwithonefinger,herhandscuppinghertitsasshetweakshernipples.
“Yes”istheonlythingshepantsoutasImovemyfingeroutofherandtoherclit.Myfingergoingaroundandaroundinsoftcircles.
“Tellmewhatyouwant?”Iaskherandhereyesopentostareatme.Herblueeyesarelight,butthemoreIrubherclit,thedarkertheybecome.
“Iwantyoutosuckmyclitandfinger-fuckme,”shesays,notskippingabeat,“untilIcomeonyourhand.”Imovemyhanddownandsliptwofingersinsideher.“Yes,likethat.”Shemovesherhipsupabittogetmyfingersintoherfaster.“AndthenafterIcome,”shepants,“IwantyoutositonthecouchandIwanttoslidemypussydownyourcock.”Mycocktwitchesatherwords.“Whileyouholdmyhipsandhelpmerideyou.”
“Fuck,”Isay,bendingmyhead,mymouthgoingtoherclitandsucking.HerpussyclenchesaroundmyfingersandIknowthatshe’sgettingclose.
“AfterIrideyouforacoupleofminutes”—myeyeslookupandfindherwatchingme—”Iwantyoutolaymeonmybackandfuckmeharderthanyou’vefuckedmebefore.”Herlegscloseinaroundmyhead.“ThenIwantyoutoflipmeoverandfuckmefrombehind.”Ifuckherpussyfasterwithmyfinger.“Makemyassred.”Shemoansoutthelastwordsbeforeshecomesallovermyfingers,drenchingthem.“Bennett,”shechantsmynameoverandoveragain,thrashingherheadsidetosideasoneorgasmrollsintoanother.“Ineedyourcock,”shesaysasherlegsfalltothesidesofher.
“Yourwishismycommand.”Islipmyfingersoutofherandlickthemcleanwhileshewatches.Iunbuttonmyshirt,pullingitoffmeandtossingitinthepileofclothesbesideus.
“Sit,”shecommandsmeasshegetsonherknees.Isitdownwithmybacktothecouchwhileshethrowsalegovermyhips,squattingovermycock.Ican’thelpbutleaninandtakeoneofhernipplesintomymouth.Suckingitindeepandthenbitingitattheend.Herheadgoesbackandshemoansforasecondbeforeshereachesdowninthemiddleofherlegsandshegrabsmycockinherhand.Sherubsitupanddownherslitbeforepositioningitatherentranceasshemovesherhand,andinchbyinchsheslidesdownmycockuntilI’mballsdeepinher.“Sofull.”Sheleansforwardtosliphertongueinmymouth.Herforeheadisonmine,herhandsonmystomachasIholdherhipsinmyhandsandhelpherrideme.Sheletsgoofmylipsforasecondandwestareintoeachother’seyesassheslowlyfucksme.Ourpantingfillstheroom,herwetnessallovermycock;onlythelastcoupleofdayswe’vegonewithoutcondomsbecauseitwasalittlebittoolate.“Bennett,”shepantsmynameasmyhandsgofromherhipstosqueezeherass,movinguphersides,andcominguptograbbothtitsinmyhands.“It’ssogood,”shepraisesandshesitsupstraightandmovesupanddown,thistimefasterthanbefore.
“Whatisit,gorgeous?”Iaskherassheleansback.“Yourpussyisgettingtighter.”Ilickmythumbandfindherclitforasecondbeforewrappingmyarmsaroundherwaistandturningheronherback.“Playtimeisover,”Itellherandshesmilesatme.
“Isthatafact?”Islideintoherpussy,slammingthelastinchin.“Yougoingtofuckmehard?”sheasksmeasIpulloutslowlyandthenjustslamintoher.Thesoundsofourskinslappingtogetherfilltheroom.“Isthatallyouhave?”HereyesalmostrolltothebackofherheadasIslamintoheragain.Overandoveragain,IpoundherpussyharderthanIeverhavebefore.“Giveittome,Bennett.”
“Youhaveit,”ItellherasIfeelherpussyclenchdownonme,herjuicesrunningdownmyballs.“Youhaveallofme,”Imumblerightbeforeslammingintoheronemoretimeandthistimecominginher.
“Ifeelyou,”shesaysasIplantmyselfallthewayinsideher,“cominginme.”Iputmyforeheadonhers.“Yourcockgetsbiggerinsideme.”SheslipshertongueinmymouthasIcollapseonthesideofher.
“Areyouokay?”IaskherfromhersideasItrytocatchmybreath.
“I’mmorethanokay.”ShebeamsandIturntothesideandshehitchesherlegovermyhip,mycockstillplantedinsideher,stillhard.Myhipsmoveslowlyfuckingher.“Ifyouaregoingtofuckmeagain.”Shemovesherhipstome.“I’mgoingtoneedtoeat.”Myhandcomesuptocuphertit,rollinghernipple.“Orwecaneatlater,”shesaysandIfuckheragainjustlikeshewantedmeto.
“Idon’tthinkIcaneatanotherbite,”Presleysaysfromherstoolbesideme.Ilookoverather,andsheiswearingmybutton-downshirtwithnothingunderit.Isitonmyownstoolinjustmyboxers,thatIhadtoputonafterthethirdround.Wenotonlyhadtworoundsonthecouch,butwhenwecameintothekitchen,shebentoverrightinfrontofmeandIcouldn’thelpmyself.
“Well,yousureworkedupanappetite.”Ileanoverandkissherneckandthenherlips.
“Iwasn’ttheonlyone.”Sheraisesherhandandholdsmycheek.
“Ihaveanidea,”Isay,pullingherstoolevenclosertome.
“Thelasttimeyouhadanidea.”ShelaughsandIcan’thelpthefullnessthatIfeelinmychest.“You‘accidentally’putitinthewronghole.”Sheusesherfingerstoputaccidentallyinquotations.
Ican’thelpbutlaugh.“Itwasanaccident,”Itellher,gettingupandwalkingtowardthestairs.“Staythere,”Iurgeherandsherollshereyesatme.Ijogupthestairsandwalkintomybedroom,goingstraightforthebathroom.
Iturnonthelightswalkingacrossthewhitemarblefloorwithgrayinitandturnonthewaterinthegianttub.AddingsomeofthebubblebaththatIknowshelikes,Iputatowelonthefloortomakesurethatshedoesn’tslipwhenshecomesout.Iwalkovertothedouble-sinkvanitythatisinfrontofthetub,grabbingthecandlesfromunderthecabinet.Lightingthecandles,Iwalkovertothedoorwayanddimthelights,givingitasoftglow.Iwalkbackovertothetubandadjustthewater,knowingshelikesitwarmer.Iwalkovertotheshowerandgrabherloofah,tossingitintothewater.“Whatareyoudoing?”sheasksme,standinginthedoorway.
“Isaidstaythere.”Istandandshewalksintothebathroomtostandinfrontofme.“Whydon’tyoulisten?”
“SincewhenhaveIeverlistenedtoyou?”Shelaughsasshelooksoveratthetubfillingwithwater.
“Iwantedtosurpriseyou,”Itellher,wrappingmyarmsaroundherandpullinghertome.Shegetsonhertippy-toestokissmeandwrapsherarmsaroundmyshoulders.“Iwasgettingthebathforyou.”
“What?”shesays,surprised.
“Iwantedyoutorelax.”Ikissherlipsandthengotohercheek.MyarmsdropfromherasIunbuttonthetwobuttonsthatwerekeepingmyshirtonher.“Igotthis,”Isayandturnmyhead.“Playspamusic.”Thesoundofsoftcrashingwavesfillstheroomnow.“Getin,”Iinviteher,holdingoutmyhandsoshecangetinthetub.
Sheshakesherheadandputsonefootinandsighsbeforemovingherotherfootin.Shepullsmetoher.“Aren’tyougoingtogetinwithme?”sheasksmeandthereisn’tanythingIwouldn’tgivethiswoman.
“Ifthat’swhatyouwant,”Isay,lettingherhandsgoandtakingmyboxersoffandtossingthemwithmywhiteshirtthatshetookoff.Igetintothetubandsitdown,openingmylegsforhertositbetweenthem.I’mexpectinghertositfacingmebutshedoesn’t;instead,shesitsdownwithherbackagainstmychest.
“Thisissonice,”shesays,puttingherheadtotheside.“It’sjustwhatIneededanddidn’tknow.”
“Didyouhavealongday?”Iaskher,grabbingtheloofahandwashingherarm.
“Itwasn’tthatbad,”shesays,turningandkissingmyarm.“Icalledthedoctor.”
Istopmoving,puttingtheloofahdown.“And?”
“ShegavemeanappointmentforFriday,”shetellsmeandIkissthetopofherhead.“See,Idolistentoyousometimes.”
Ican’thelpbutlaughatthatstatement.“Inthelasttwelveyearsyou’velistenedtomeatotalofmaybetwice.
“Didyoutellyourmother?”Iaskherandshechuckles.
“Didsheshowupatyouroffice?”shecountersandIlaughnow.
“Shewouldshowup,wouldn’tshe?She’sgoingtoshowupandprobablyhandmemyassonaplatter.”
ShelaughsasIwrapmyarmsaroundher,holdingherstomach.ItfeelslikeI’mholdingmywholeworld.“Doyouwantagirloraboy?”Iaskhersoftly,mythumbsmovingupanddown.
“Ididn’treallythinkaboutit,”sheanswersmesoftly.“You?”
“Aslongasthebabyishealthy,Idon’tcareifit’saboyoragirl.”Ican’thelpthesmilethatcomestomenow.“Aslongastheyhaveyoursmile.”
Sheturnstosmileatme.“Iwantthemtobesmartlikeyou.”Idon’tmakethecorrectionthatshesaidthem,meaningwearegoingtohavemorethanonechildtogether.
“Iwantthemtohaveyoureyes.”Ikisshertemple.“Andyourhair.”
“Iwantthemtobeloyallikeyou.”ShelooksupatmeandI’mabouttotellherthatIwantthemtonevergoadaywithoutknowingtheyarelovedbutinsteadIjustleandownandkissherlips,silentlytellingherthatI’llloveheralways.Chapter13
Presley
“I’mrunningout.”IwalkintoClarabella’soffice.Sheissittingatthetablethatfacesoutside.SheisonheriPaduploadingpicturesofthefoodshetookthisweekendtothewebsite.“Ihaveanappointmentatone.”
“Appointment?”Shelooksoveratme.“Whatappointment?”
“It’sprivate,”Isaytoherandsheshakesherhead.
“Shelby!”sheyellsformyothersisterandIrollmyeyes.IknewthatIshouldhavejusttoldthemIwasgoingtoworkfromhome.
“Yourang,”Shelbyrepliesasshewalksintotheofficeandheadsstraightforthecouch.
“Presleyhasanappointment.”ClarabellaleansbackinthechairandShelby’sheadprobablyhaswhiplashthewayshelooksoveratme.
“Whatappointment?”sheasksmewithworryinhervoice.
“It’snothing,”Isay,foldingmyarmsovermychest.“IhavetogoinandmeetmyOGBYN.”Itrytokeepmyvoicestable.Theybothgaspout.“AndthisiswhyIdidn’tsayanythingtoyouguys.”
“Ohmygoodness,”Shelbysays,puttingherhandtoherchest.“Ican’twait.”
“No.”Ipointather.“Nooneiscomingwithme.”
“You’renotgoingtotheappointmentalone,”Clarabellatellsme.
“I’mnotgoingalone,”Imumbleandthenquicklywanttowalkoutoftheroom.
“Ohhhh,”Shelbyteases,clappingherhands.“Areyougoingwithyourbabydaddy?”
“That’sgoingtobehisnewnickname.”ClarabellasmilesatmeandIwalkovertooneofthechairsnexttoherandsitdown.“I’mgoingtochangeitinmyphonerightnow.”
“Canyounotcallhimthat,”Isay,shakingmyhead,notaddingthathe’smorethanjustmybabydaddy,he’salsoprobablyoneofmybestfriends.Andifthingsweredifferent,Istopthethoughtrightaway.“Andcanwejustlike,not,youknow”—Iwavemyhands—”gocrazy.”
“IspoketoMomthismorning,”ShelbysaysandIglareather.“Relax.Ididn’ttellheryouarewithchild.”
“Yeah,whatisupwiththat?”Clarabellaasks.
“Nothingisupwiththat,it’sjustIwanttospeaktothedoctorbeforeIsayanythingtoanyone.”Itapthetablewithmyfinger.“ImaginetellingMomandthenfindingoutit’safalsealarm.”
“Fivepregnancytestsarenotafalsealarm.”Shelbylaughs.“Imean,onemaybe,butfive.”
“EvenifItellher,she’sgoingtoaskmeallthesequestionsandI’mnotgoingtoknowanyanswers,soI’mgoingtogotothedoctorandthengoandseeher.”
Shelbypicksupherphone.“Whatareyoudoing?”Ihissatherbutcan’tsayanythingelsebeforeMompicksupthephone.
“Hey,Mom,it’sme,”Shelbysays.“I’mreallycravingsomehomecooking.”
“Isthatso?”mymothersays,andyoucantellfromhertoneshedoesn’tbelieveher.“Thengohomeandcook.”
Ican’thelpbutlaughquietlyandflipherthebird.“Presleycalledafamilymeeting,”ShelbyinformsherandIglareather.“AndIfiguredyouwouldwanttobeincluded.But,”shesings,“it’sfine.I’llfillyouinonthedetailslater.”
“Whatdoyoumeanafamilymeeting?”mymothersays.“Presley,”shecallsmynameknowingthatI’llbeintheroom.
“It’snothing,Mom,”IsaywhileImouththewords“Ifuckinghateyou”toShelby.“I’llcomeoverafterwork.”
“Whycan’tyougirlsleavemeinpeace?”mymothershrieksout.“Whydoyoualldothistome?Mybloodpressureisalreadythroughtheroof.”
“Canwebealittlebitmoredramatic?”Clarabellasays,rollinghereyes.
“Don’tyouevenstart,”mymothersnapsather.“Mrs.RutherferdsaidshewaswalkingdownthestreettheotherdayandcaughtyouandLukeonthefrontporchgoingatithotandheavy.”ShelbyandIbothwhipourheadstoher.
“Itwasdarkoutside,”Clarabellasays.“Andnoonesawanything;wewereunderablanket.”
“Inthefrontyard!”mymothershouts.“Youhaveawholehousetodothatin.”Icanjustpictureherhandsgoingcrazyintheair.
“Westartedoutsideandfinishedinside,”Clarabellaclarifiesforher.“It’slikeweweredryhumping,it’sfine.”Shesmirks.“WekeptitPG-18.”
“I’llseeyouallatsix,”mymothersays,disconnecting,notevencontinuingthisconversation.
“You’rewelcome,”ClarabellasaysandIlaugh.“She’ssodistraughtaboutme,youhavingababyoutofwedlockmightbetheleastofherworries.”
“Youareinsane,”Shelbydeclares.“Herhavingababyoutofwedlockwillpushhertocoverallthemirrorsinherhouseandmourn.”
“She’sgoingtowalkdownMainStreetwithaveiloverherheadandsitintheparkfeedingpigeons,”Clarabellacutsin.“LikethegirlfromHomeAlone2.”
“Oh,God,youarebothridiculous.”Igetup.“I’llcallyouwhenI’mdone.”
IwalkoutofthemeetingandwalkintomyofficewhenIhearthefrontdooropen.I’mgrabbingmypursewhenIhearmynamebeingcalledoverthespeaker.“Presley,yourbabydaddyishere.”Clarabellagiggles.“Andhe’slookingdapperAF.”
Igroanandwalkoutofmyoffice,seeinghimstandinginfrontofClarabellalaughing.He’swearingablacksuitthatmoldstohim,withalightgraybutton-downshirt.Hishandsareinhispocketsanditmakeshisarmsevenbigger.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Iask,walkingtohim.
“Ifiguredthatwecangotothedoctortogether,”hesaystome.“Andthenmaybegoforlunch.”
“Isthatcodeforgoandputmorebabybatterinyou?”Clarabellasays,laughing.
“Youaresogross,”Iretort,turningandwalkingoutoftheoffice,ignoringthefactthatI’msonervousIfeellikeI’mgoingtovomit.Iwalkovertohiscarandfeelhimrightbehindme.“Ireallywishthatyouwouldhavetoldmeyouwerecomingheretoday.”
“Well,ifyoudidn’tsneakoutofmyhousethismorning,”hesays,openingthedoorforme,“Iwouldhavetoldyou.”
“Oh,nowit’smyfault.”Igetintothecar.“Ifyouthinkofkissingmerightnow,I’mgoingto…”
“Iwouldneverkissyououtinpublic,”hesayssarcastically,“andhavepeoplethinkweactuallylikeeachother.”Irollmyeyes.“Wearehavingababytogether,peoplearegoingtoknowwe’vekissed.”
“Idon’twanttobelate,”Istateandhejustnodshishead,shuttingthecardoorandwalkingaroundthecar.
HegetsinandneitherofussaysanythingtoeachotherafterIgivehimtheaddress.Hisphonebeepsaboutfiftytimesonthewaytothedoctor.“Someoneisasocialbutterfly,”Iteasewhenheparksashegrabshisphone.
“I’minthemiddleofamerger,”hetellsme,lookingdownathisphone.“I’llturnitoff.”
Ireachforthehandleofthedoorandpushitopen,steppingout.Everysinglestepfeelslikethisoverwhelmingdreadcomingtome.I’vebeennervousandanxiousforthelasttwodaysandI’mignoringallthescreamingthatisgoingoninmyhead.
WewalkintothewaitingroomandIgivemynametothesecretary,whosmilesatmeandtellsmetocomeonback.Bennettputshishandonmylowerbackaswewalkintooneoftheexaminingrooms.“Thedoctorwillberightin,”shesays.“Ifyoucanundressthebottoms.”Shehandsmeoneofthosebluebigpapersheets.
IlookoveratBennett,whoisreadingoneofthepostersonthewallthatshowsthebabyindifferentstages.“Weshouldgetoneofthese,”hesaysasIslipofftheskirtI’mwearing,“andputitinmyofficeathome.”
“Orwedon’tandjustlookituponline,”Isuggest,wrappingthebluesheetaroundmeanditdoesn’tevenfit.Iwalkovertotheexaminetableandsitdown.ThesoundofcrinklinghasBennettlookingoveratme.
“Areyouokay?”heasksme.IrollmyeyesonlybecausemyheartisbeatingsofastinmychestthatI’mafraidifIsaysomething,anything,it’llcomeoutwithatremor.
HisphonebeepsandIjustglareathim.“Sorry,IthoughtIturneditoff,”hesays,takingthephoneoutofhispocketbutlookingatitforasecond.
“Youdon’thavetobehere.”Thewordscomeoutofmymouthandhisheadwhipsaroundtome.“Imean,ifyou’rebusy,it’sfine.IcangetanUber.”
Hedoesn’thaveachancetoanswerme,andmaybeit’sagoodthing,becauseI’mafraidthatatthisrateIdon’tknowwhatelseisgoingtocomeoutofmymouthwithallthesenerves.“Hithere.”Awomancomesin.“MynameisCynthiaandI’mthenurse.”Ismileatherasshewalksovertothedeskandmovesthemouse,whichmakesthecomputerscreenopen.Shegoesovermynameandage.“Whenwasyourlastmenstrualcycle?”
“Sixweeksago,”Isay,mylegsnowmovingwiththenervesinme.IlookoveratBennett,whostandstheretryingtoreadthescreentomakesurethatshe’sputtingeverythinginright.Hishairisperfectlysettodayandhelookssohandsome.Thenursegetsupandwalksout.IlookoveratBennettandI’mabouttotellhimthatI’mnotfeelingmyselfbutIdon’thaveachancebecausethedooropensagain.
“Presley,”theotherwomansays,comingin.“I’mDr.Wellington.”ShesmilesandthenlooksoveratBennett.“Youmustbedaddy.”
Ican’thelpthesmilethatcomesonmyfacelookingatBennett’sfacelightup.“Thatwouldbeme,”hesays,standingbymysidenowandputtingahandonmyback.Shesitsexactlywherethenursedid,readingthenotesinthechart.“Itsaysyourlastmenstrualcyclewassixweeksago.”
“Yes,”Itellherassheturnsthelightsoffintheroom.“Ifyouwillliebackandputyourfeetup,wewillgettheshowontheroad.”Inodather,lyingbackuntilmybackhitsthetable.Iputmyfeetineachstirrup,mystomachlurchingnow.”Sinceyouareundereightweeks,”Dr.Wellingtonsays,“wearegoingtogoinwiththewand.”Sherollsovertothemiddleofmylegsgrabbingthewhitepiecefromthemachinebesideher.
“Isthatgoingtohurtthebaby?”Bennettsays,steppingforwardholdingouthishand.
“Thebabywillnotfeelanything,”shecalmlytellshimwhilesherollsacondomdownonthiswhitewand.“I’mgoingtoinsertthisinandyouwillseethebaby,hopefully,”shesays,puttinglubricantonthewand.“Itmightbetooearlytoheartheheartbeatbutwecanseetheheartbeatingonthescreen.”Bennettstandsbesidemeandputshishandinmine.“Thismightbecold,”shesays,andIsqueezeBennett’shandwhenshesticksthewandinsideme.
“It’sokay,gorgeous,”hesayssoftly,rubbingmyheadwithhishand.
“Thereheorsheis,”thedoctorsaysandwelookoveratthemonitor.“I’mjustgoingtocheckafewthings,”sheinformsusassheclicksawayonthemachine.
“Iseverythingokay?”Iask,myheartspeedingupandthetearspouringoutofmyeyesasIlookoveratwhatismybaby.
“Yeah,everythinglooksokay,”shesays,takingthewandoutofme.“I’mgoingtocheckyououtthisway,”sheexplains,grabbingawhitebottle,pushingthebluepaperdown,andsquirtinggelonmylowerstomach.Shegrabsanotherthingandputsitonthegel.“Okay,sothisisyourbaby’sheartbeat,”shesaysandthesoundofgallopingfillstheair.Ican’tstopthetearsthatcometome,evenifItriedtofightthemoff.IlookoveratBennett,whojuststaresatthescreen,hisowntearsrunningdownhisface.“I’lltakeacoupleofpictures,”shestatesandshesnapsandpressessomebuttons.Shewipesoffmystomachandthenthemachine,goingovertoturnonthelights.“Okay,well,everythinglooksgood,”sheconfirmsandthenlooksdown,andIcansensethatsheisholdingsomethingback.“Butfrommycalculations,youarejuststartingyoureleventhweek.”
IopenmymouthandlookoveratBennett,whojuststaresatherwithhisownmouthopen.“No,Ithinkthereisamistake.Ihadmyperiod.”
“Thatisnormal,”shetellsme.“It’snotabnormaltogetyourperiodthefirstcoupleofmonths.Weretheyheavy?”
“Um,Iknowthatonemonthwasmorespottingthanafull-blownperiodanditlastedacoupleofdays.”Ilookatherandshesmiles.
“Well,thatcouldhavebeenaclue,”shesaysandIcanfeelthebackofmyneckburn.
“ButIjustgotmorningsickness,”Iinformher,knowingthatshemustbemistaken.
Sheshrugs.“Thehumanbodyisourbiggestmystery.”Shelaughs.“Regardless,youarealmostdonewithyourfirsttrimester.”Shegetsupnow.“Congratulations.”ShehandsBennettthepicturesthatshetook.“I’llseeyouinamonth.”ShewalksoutoftheroomandtheonlythingthatisgoingthroughmyheadisthefactthatI’malmostthreemonthsalong.
“Wearegoingtoneedtogetasecondopinion,”Iwhisper,gettingup.“Sheobviouslyhasnoideawhatshe’sdoing.”IputthebluesheetonthechangingtableasIgetintomythongandskirt.“Almostelevenweeks,”Imumbletomyself,shocked,andlookuptoseeBennettstilllookingdownatthepicturesinhishand.
Allhecandoislookatmeashesmilesfromeartoear.“Ineedtogetaframe.”Chapter14
Presley
“Lookatthefeet.”Bennettturnsthepictureformetoseebutmyheadisstillspinning.“Idon’tknow”—helooksbackatthepicture—”itmightbeagirl.”
“Bennett,”Isaybetweenclenchedteeth.“Thiscan’tbe,”Itrytowhisper-yellathim.“She’swrong.Weneedtogetasecondopinion.”
“What?”hesays,shocked,andholdsthepicturestohischest.“Wewererightthere,wesawthescreen.”
“Well,herscreenisbroken.”Iputmyshoeson,huffing,“ShesaidIwaselevenweeks,andthat’simpossible.”
“No,it’snot.”Heshakeshishead.“Shesaidit’snormal.”
Iputmyhandsonmyhead.“Youknowwhatisn’tnormal,”Itellhim.“Mebeingalmosttwelveweeksandnotevenshowing.”AllIcanthinktomyselfis,howdidthishappen?Myheadisstillspinningatthisnews.
“Yourboobsarebigger.”HepointsoutandIglareathim.“What?Youdon’tthinkyourboobsarebigger?”
“Theyarenot,”Isay,butjustthismorningInoticedthattheyarefuller.“Moresensitive,yes.”
Heshakeshishead.“Nah,they’refullernow.”Heholdsuphishandslikeclaws.Irollmylips,abouttotellhimtofuckoffwhenthereisaknockonthedoor.
“Yes,”Isayoutloudandthedooropensandthenursesticksherheadin.
“Iseverythingokayinhere?”sheasks.
Ismileatherandsay,“Yes,”atthesametimethatBennettreplies,“No.”
“Wearefine,”IsaywithafakesmileandthenturntoBennett.“Aren’twe?”
“No,”hesays,shakinghishead,“mygirlfriend…”
“Notgirlfriend,”Icorrecthimandnowit’shisturntoglareatme.
“Thewomanwiththechildinher”—hepointsatme—”thatismine.”Hepointsathimselfandeverythinginmewantstostabhimrightnow.“Isnotcomfortablewithsomeofthedetailsthatthedoctortoldher.Wouldtherebeanywaywherewecouldgetasecondopinion?”
Thenurselooksathimandthenlooksatme.“Ofcourse,”shesays.“Whatismakingyouuncomfortable?”
“It’snotthatI’muncomfortable,”Istarttosay,gettingflustered.“It’sjustthatshesaidIwasclosetoelevenweeks.Andwell,I’vehadmyperiod.”
“Icangettheultrasoundtechniciantocomeinandgiveyouanotheropinion,”shesays,smilingatme.“LetmeseeifIcangether.”
AllIcandoissmileatheruntilthedoorisclosedandthenturntoglareatBennett.“Whatiswrongwithyou?”Iaskhimandhelooksatmewithaconfusedlookonhisface.“WhywouldyoutellherI’muncomfortable?”
“Becauseyouare.”Hisvoiceisverycalmashewalksovertomeputtingthepicturesdownonthetable.Heholdshishandsuptocupmyface.“Hey,”hesoothesandmyhandsshakeasIlookathim.“Thisisgoingtoeaseyourmind,sowhynotjustask?”Hekissesmylipssoftly.“It’sokaytoaskquestions.”Idon’thavemuchtimetothinkaboutanythingorsayanythingtohimbecausethereisaknockonthedoor.“Trustme,”hesaysandIjustrollmyeyes.
“Itrustedyoutoputthecondomonproperly,andlookatwhathappenedthere,”Imumbleasthedooropensandawomancomesin.
“Hi,”shesays,smilingatus.“Iwastoldthatmommyhasquestionsforme.”
Bennett’shandsfallfrommyfaceandheputsonearoundmyshoulder.“Yes,”Ifinallysay.“ThedoctorthrewmeoffwiththedatesandsaidIwaselevenweeks.And,well,Ionlymissedoneperiod.”
“Icanunderstandhowthatwouldbeconfusing,”shesays,puttingherhandinherlabcoat.“Ifyouwant,Icancheckitagainjusttoputyourmindatease.”Inodather.“Buthavingaperiodwhilepregnantinthefirsttrimesterisn’tthatirregular.Ithappenstothirtypercentofwomen.”Shewalksovertothecomputerandopensuptheultrasoundreport.“Thisisanultrasoundofasix-weekscan.”ThepicturelookslikeablobifI’mhonest.“Andthisisyours.”
“Oh,well,”Isay,seeingthatitactuallylookslikeababy.
“Ifyouwant,Icantakemeasurementsjusttoconfirmit,butthesetellmewhatyourdoctorsaidwascorrect.”
“Butwillthebleedingharmthebaby?”Bennettasksherforme.
“Ifyoustartbleedingnowatthisstage”—shelooksatme—”it’smoreconcerningthanlastmonth.Thisperiodthatyouhad,wasitheavyorjustspotting?”
“Ican’treallyremember,butIknowthatthelastonewaslikespottingfortwodays.”Ithinkback.“Itwasabusytimethatmonth,soIchalkedituptostress.”
Shesmiles.“Well,thegoodnewsisthatyourfirsttrimesterisalmostover.”
“Thankyou,”Isaytoher,“foransweringmyquestions.”
“Don’tbeshy,”shetellsme.“Yourbodyisgoingtobechanginginthenextsixmonthsandweareheretohelpyouinanywaywecan.Trustme,thereisnoquestionthatisstupidorthatwehaven’theardbefore.”Idon’tsayanythingtoher;instead,Ijustnodatherandsheturnstowalkoutoftheroom.
“There,areyouhappynow?”Bennettsays,grabbingthepicturesthatheputdown.
“No,”Ilietohim,“butnowIhavetogoandtellmymother.”
“Doyouwantmetocomewithyou?”heasksmeandIjustshakemyhead.
“No,IthinkIshoulddothisalone,”Ireplytohimandhenodsatmeandfollowsmeoutoftheroom.
Imakeanappointmentforthenextmonthandheputsitinhisphone.“Isthereanywaytocutthis?”heasksthereceptionist,handingherthepictureofthetwosonograms.Shegrabsapairofscissorsandhandsusbackthetwopictures.“Here,soyoucanshowyourmom.”
“Thankyou,”Isaysoftlyandlookdownatthepicture,myheartspeedingupforasecondbeforeIputitawayinmypurse.Thedrivetomymother’sisquiet,andwhenwepullup,hejustlooksoveratme.“Yousureyoudon’twantmetocomeinandtakethefocusoffyou?”
“I’mhavinghergrandchild.”Ilaugh.“Thereisnothing,andImeannothing,thatisgoingtotakethefocusoffme.”
“Thisistrue,”hesays.“Willyoucallmelater?”
“No,”Isay,gettingoutofthecar,“Imightbeheldhostage.”AfterIclosethedoor,herollsthewindowdownandIcanhearhimlaughing.
“Godspeed,gorgeous,”heencouragesandIjustshakemyheadwalkingupthedriveway.Ihearhimdriveawayandmystomachsinks.
ItakemyphoneoutandcallClarabella,whoanswersrightaway.“Hey.”
“I’matMom’s,”Itellherandthenhearthefrontdooropenandshewalksoutwiththephoneatherear.
“Youdon’tsay,”shesayswithShelbyrightbehindher.“Youthinkwedidn’tknowyouwouldcomerighthere.”
“Iwasn’tmissingthisforanythingintheworld,”Shelbydeclares.“IfIhadtocampherefortheweek,Iwaswillingtodothat.”
“Wemightaswellgetthisoverwith,”Isay,walkingupthestepsandputtingmyphoneaway.“I’mgoingtoneedyoutwototakeashotofscotchformesinceIcan’t.”
“Sowearewithchild?”ClarabellaasksmeandIglareather.“Icanseethatthischildistakingawayallthefuninyou.”Sheturnsonherheels.“Mom,yourbabyishome.”
IlookoveratShelby.“It’sgoingtobefine.”
“Lies,”Imumble,walkingintothehouseandfindingmymotherstandinginthelivingroomwithtearsalreadyrunningdownherface.“Whyisshecrying?”
“Shethinksyou’redying,”Clarabellastates.
“Iwish,”Isayundermybreath,lookingatShelbywhoispouringtwoshotsofscotch.Clarabellajoinsherandtheyclicktheglassestogetherbeforedowningtheshots.
“Whatiswrongwithyoutwo?”mymothershouts,throwingherhandsintheair.“Yoursister”—shelooksbacktome—”hasnews.”
“Idohavenews,”Iconfirm,walkingintothelivingroomanddecidingthatperhapsIshouldsitdownforthis.Iletoutadeepbreath.“Idon’tthinkthereisanygoodwaytosaywhatI’mgoingtosay.”
“LikeaBand-Aid,”Shelbysays,comingtositnexttome.
“Oh,God,”mymotherutters,sittingdownonthelonechairlookingatme.“Howbadisit?”
“I’mpregnant.”Isaythetwowords,nevertakingmyeyesoffmymother.Therereallyisnootherwaytocomeoutandsayit.TheminuteIsaythewords,myhandgoesstraighttomystomachholdingit,almostasifI’mprotectingthebabyfromsomething.
“What?”Clarabellasays,shocked.“Thisisbrand-newinformation.”Shecomesoverandsitsontheothersideofme.
“Shutup.”Mymotherglaresatherandthenturnsherglaretome.“Whatdoyoumean,you’repregnant?”
“Imean,Ithinkit’sprettymuchself-explanatory,”Shelbysays,tryingnottolaugh.
“I’melevenweekspregnant,”Ishare,andnowevenmysistersgaspout.
“That’slikethreemonths,”Clarabellasays.
“Iknow,”Isay,openingmypurseandtakingoutthepicture,mybaby.IstaredownatthepictureofmychildandIcan’tseethroughmyblurryvisionbecauseofthetearsfillingmyeyes.Mybabyistheonlythingthatcomestomymind;thetightnessinmychestmakesitfeellikemyheartiscominguptomythroat.“Iwasjustasshocked.Ievenneededtogetasecondopinion,Iwasthatmuchinshock.”
Shelbygrabsthepicturefrommeandjustbeams.“Aww,”shecoos,handingitovertoClarabella.
“PresleyMarieBaker,”mymothergrindsoutwithclenchedteethasshegetsup,“youbettertellmewhatthefuckisgoingon.”
“Sheswore,”Clarabellawhispers.“Thisdoesnotbodewell,don’tlookather.Lookaway.”Shelooksdownatherhands.
“Idon’tthinksheneedstodrawyouapicture,Mom.”Shelbylaughs,leaningbackonthecouch.
“You”—mymotherpointsather—”mindyourbusiness.You”—shepointsatClarabella—”notaword.”Clarabellapretendstoziphermouthandthrowawaythekey.“You”—shepointsatme—”talk.”
“Well,likeShelbysaid,Idon’tthinkthereismuchtosay.”Mymouthgoessuddenlydry.“Accordingtothedoctor,everythingisfine.”
“Whogotyoupregnant?”sheasksme,sittingbackdown.
“SayJesus,”Clarabellasaysunderherbreath,pretendingtolookaroundher.
“Idon’tknowifthatmatters,”Iavoid,gettingupwantingtowalktothebarandtakeashot,butinsteadIwalkovertothekitchen.ThewholetimeallIcanhearismyheartbeatechoinginmyears.ThenervestakeoverandfillmybodyandmyhandshakesasIpullopenthefridge.Thebackofmyneckgetshotandevenmyarmpitsstarttogetatouchsweaty.I’mabouttogrababottleofwaterbutthenseesweetteabesideitandchoosethatinstead.
“Whatareyoutalkingabout,itdoesn’tmatter?”Mymothergetsupandturnstolookatme.
“Imean,itdoesn’tmatter,”Irepeat,pouringmyselfsomeofthesweetteaanddrinkingit.“Thiswouldbesomuchbetterifitwaspeachflavor.”
“She’sworriedaboutpeachteawhensheshouldbeworriedaboutwhothefatheris.”Mymotherthrowsupherhands.
“Relaxthere,Mom.”Clarabellagetsup.“Sheknowsexactlywhothefatheris.”IglareatClarabella.“What?Youdon’tthinkshe’sgoingtofindoutwhenhe’s,Idon’tknow,inthedeliveryroomwithyou?”
“Ugh,fine,”Iconcedebutthenlookatmymother.“Youcan’tfreakout,”Isay,knowingthatsheisgoingtofreakoutandknowingthatherfreakingoutisn’tgoingtohelpthefactthatinsideI’mfreakingoutjustasmuch.
“WhywouldIfreakout?”Mymotherputsherhandsonherhips.“WhenhaveIeverfreakedout?”
Shelbyholdsherhanduptosaysomethingandonelookfrommymotherstopsher.“Never”—sheshakesherhead—”you’vealwaysbeencalm,cool,andcollected.”Shelbythenlooksatme.“Andgo.”
Ithinkaboutmaybenotsayinghisname,butIknowhealreadytoldTravis,andIknowthateventuallyit’sgoingtocomeout.“Fine”—Ibracemyself—”thefatherisBennett.”
Mymotherlooksatmeinshock,hermouthopening.“Thisisbrand-newinformation,”ShelbysaysandClarabellajustlaughsather.
“Bennett,”mymothersays.“Bennett,Bennett?”
“Imean,Idon’tknowhowmanyBennettsyouknow,”Isay,“butyes.”ThesmilefillsmyfacewhenIsayhisnameandthinkabouthowhappyhewastohavethebaby’spicture.
Shegaspsoutlaughing,clappingherhandstogether.“Thisiswonderfulnews.Imean,so…”Shelooksatmeandweareallshockedthatshedidn’tfreakthefuckout.AndonlywhenshesaysthelastsentencedoIknowwhy.“Whenisthewedding?”Chapter15
Bennett
Pullingintotheparkinglot,IwonderifmaybeIshouldhavecalledbeforecoming.ButasIlookaround,Idon’tseethatmanycars.Igetoutofthecarandwalkupthestepstothebuilding,grabbingthehandleandpushingthedooropen.
ThebellringsabovethedooratthesametimethatIhearwhatsoundslikefiftydogsstartbarking.“Oh,my,”Isay,lookingaroundtoseeifanyofthemarecomingmyway.
OneofthebackdoorsopensandIlookoverwhenIhearfootsteps.Aroundthecornercomesthereceptionist.“Oh,hey,Bennett.”Petrasmilesatme.“Whatbringsyouhere?”She’sbeenthereceptionisthereforacoupleofyears.
“IwaswonderingifTravisisfree?”Iputmyhandsinmypockets.
“Letmesee.”Sheturnsaround,goingtotheback,whileIturnandlookatthepicturesthatareonthewall.Alldifferentfamilieswiththeirpets,onefamilywithapetpig.IlaughthinkingthatIshouldbringthisuptoPresleyandseeifshewantstogetapettogether.
“Youcangoonback,”Petrasaystome,andInodwalkingdownthehallwaythatshejustcameoutof.“It’sthelastdoorontheright.”Shewalksovertoherdesktopickupthephonethatstartedtoring.
“Thankyou,”Ireply,makingmywaytothedoorandturningthehandle,steppingintotheroom.TheminuteIwalkin,IknowthatIshouldhavecalledbeforecoming.“Whatthefuckareyoudoing?”Ilookathimashelooksdownatthedoginfrontofhimonthebigsilvertable.Heislyingdownonhissidewithatubeinhismouth.Travisisdressedinscrubswithplasticglassesonhisfaceandasurgeoncapatophishead.
“I’mneuteringthedog,”hesays,asifit’snothingandmyhandgoesdirectlytomypenisasifI’mshieldingmyownballs.
Hechucklesashetugson,Idon’tevenknowwhat.“Whatthefuck?”Ihiss.“Whywouldyoutellmetocomebackhereifyouweredoingthis?”Ilookdownatthedog.“Shouldthisbeaprivatemoment?”
“Youcametoseeme,”hesays,notpayingattentiontome.“It’snotthatbigofadeal.Icomeseeyouatworkallthetime,”hereasonsasheplopsdownwhatIcanseelookslikeatesticle.IputahandtomymouththinkingI’mgoingtobesick.
“I’malawyer!”Ishriek.“Whatdoyouseewhenyoucomeinmyoffice?Manilafolders.”
“Oh,comeon,”hesays,tuggingonsomething,“it’snotthatbad.”Ishakemyhead.“Anyway,whatdoIowethepleasureofyourcompanythisfineafternoon?”
“Well,it’sofficial,”Isay,smilingathimandtakingthepictureoutofmypocket.“Wearehavingababy.”
“Aww,”Travissays,smilingatme,“I’dcomeandgiveyouahug.”Heholdsuphisarmsandhisglovesarecoveredinabitofblood.
“I’mgood,thanks.”Iholdupmyhandandlookdownandseethepictureagain.“She’selevenweeks.”
Traviswhistlesandlooksatmewithbigeyes.“That’salmostpastthedangerstage.”
“Dangerstage?”Iaskhim,myheartbeatspeedingupwiththeworddanger.Imean,itcan’tbegoodwiththatword.
“It’spastthetwelve-weekmark,”heexplainstome.“Chancestomiscarryhappenbeforethetwelve-weekmark.”
Iopenmymouth.“Whywouldtheynottellyouthat?”Iaskhim,wonderingifmaybePresleyshouldstayinbedforthenextweek,justtokeepthingsinside.
“Theytrynottoscareyou.”Travisshrugs.“It’sfine;youshouldgetoneofthosebabybooks.”
“Whatbabybook?”Itiltmyheadtothesideandalmostkickmyself.Whydidn’tIlookthisuponline?
“IhaveoneinmyofficeI’llgivetoyou,”Travissaysandsmilesatme.“HowisPresleytakingallthis?”
“Um.”Ihesitate,tryingtothinkofthewords.“Well,shewantedasecondopinion.”
TravisthrowshisheadbackandletsoutthebiggestlaughI’veeverheard.“Ofcourseshedid.”
“Ithinkshewasinshock,findingoutshewasfurtheralongthanshethoughtshewas.”Ismirk.“Thesechangeeverything.”Iholdupthepaper.
“Itsurefuckingdoes.”Travislooksatme.
“Ithoughtyoushouldalsoknowthatshe’sinthemiddleoftellingyourmotheraboutitrightnow.”Hiseyesalmostbugoutofhishead.
“Fuck,Iwantedtobethereforthat,”hehisses.“Mymotherisgoingtolosehershit.”
“She’sgoingtobefine.”
“IreallyhopeClarabellatapesit,”Travissays.“MaybewecancatchsomeofthescreamingontheRingcamthatIinstalled.”
“Therewillbenoscreaming.”Itrytoconvincemyselfofthat,butknowingMrs.Baker,therewillbescreaming,therewillbecrying,andhopefullyshedoesn’tcomeovertomyhousewiththefryingpansheusedtothreatenuswithwhenwewereyounger.“She’sgoingtobefine.”Ismirkathim.“Besides,afterwhatthethreeofyoudidtoherwithyourweddings,thisisgoingtobeawalkinthepark.”
“Oh,youpoorsonofabitch.”Travisshakeshisheadandlooksdownatthedog,doingIdon’tevenknowwhatnow.“Youthinkthatit’sgoingtobeeasy.”Hechuckles.“Whatareyougoingtodo?”
“I’mgoingtoaskhertomoveinwithme,”Iinformhim,andTravis’seyesgobig.“Officially.”
“Isthereanunofficialwaytoasksomeonetomoveinwithyou?”hejokeswithme.
“Shesneaksoutofmyhouseeverysingletimeshe’sthere.”Forthefirsttimeever,Isayitoutloud,“AndI’mtiredofit.”MyvoicetrailsoffandIlookdownatthepictureofthebaby,ourbaby.“Iwantherandthebabytobewithmealways.”
“Imean,shecan’tsneakoutofyourhousewithababy.”Travispointsatme.“Idon’tknowwhatsheisgoingtosay,tobehonest.”Heshakeshishead.“Whatifshesaysno?”
It’smyturntolaugh.“Icanbepersuasive.”HejuststaresatmeandIgetknotsinmystomach.“Stoplookingatmelikethatandpayattentiontothedogthatjustlosttheirfamilyjewels.”
“Well,whateveryouneedfromme.”Hegrabstheneedlenexttohim.“Justletmeknow.”Hestartstostitchupthedog.
“I’mgoingtogohomeandcookherfavoritemeal,”Isay,startingtoformulateaplan.
“Didn’tyoucookforheracoupleofdaysagoandshethrewup?”MymouthopensasIlookathim.“Nothingissacred.”
“Apparentlynot,”Ihuff.“Okay,Ihavetogoandmaybepickupsomeflowersandwootheshitoutofher.”JustsayingthewordsoutloudIfeellikeI’mgoingtothrowup.“I’mgoingtogetoutofhere”—Ipointatthedoor—”andleaveyouwith…”Ipointatthedog.
“Buster.”Travisfillsmeinonthedog’sname.
“Buster”—Ileandown—”it’sgoingtobeallright.”Travisjustlaughs.
“Callmelaterandtellmehowitwent,”TravistellsmewhenIturnandgrabthehandleofthedoor.“I’llsayaprayerforyou.”
“Iknowthatyoursisterlikesmeatleast.”Ilookovermyshoulderathimandhejustsmirks.“Alittle.”
“Imeantformymother,”heretorts,andIfliphimthebirdbeforewalkingoutoftheroom.WhenIwalkdownthehallway,Petraisonthephone,soIjustholdupmyhandandwalkout.
Gettingintothecar,Istopfirstatthegrocerystore,whereIpickupalltheingredientsforchickenfriedsteak,lookingdownatmyphoneeverytwosecondstomakesureIgrabtherightthings.“IshouldjustcallLuke,”ImumbleasImakemywaythroughtheaisles,andwhenIwalkoutofthestore,I’mholdingsevenbagsfullofstuff.“Thisbetterfuckingwork,”ItellmyselfafterIclosethetrunkandgetbackintothecar,goingstraightfortheflowershop.
TheminuteIstepinside,thescentofflowershitsmynose.EverysinglewayIturn,therearedifferentflowers.“HowmayIhelpyou?”theladyasks,comingoutfromthebackroom.
“I’mthinkingIneedsomeroses,maybe?”Iscratchmyneck.“Peoniesareherfavoriteflowers,”Iinformthelady,whodoesn’tneedtoknowanyofthis.
“Wejustgotsomefreshpeonies”—shepointstotheright—”inavarietyofcolors.”Shewalksovertothefivebigplasticbins.
“Dopeoniesscreammoveinwithme?”Iask,lookingoveratherandshejustlaughsatme.“Iwasthinkingmorelikeroses,”Itellher.“Roseseverywhereandthensomerosepetalssprinkledonthefloor.”
“Thatcouldworkalso.”Shewalksovertowhatlookslikeafieldofroses.Rowsandrowsofrosesinalldifferentcolors.
“Isthereaparticularcolorthatgoeswithmoveinwithme?”Iaskher,takingoutmyphoneandgettingreadytogoogleit.
“Oh,honey,ifyouarethisnervousaboutaskinghertomoveinwithyou”—shelaughsatme—”canyouimaginewhenit’stimetogetdownononeknee?”
“Oh,Iwoulddothatalso,”Itellher,“butfiguredI’deaseintoit.”
“Thatsoundslikeagreatidea.”Shesmilesatme.“Howaboutyougetsomepeoniessinceit’sherfavorite?”Shepointsbacktothepeonies.“Andthensomerosestosprinklethroughoutthehouse.”
“Thatsoundsevenbetterthanmyplan.”Isnapmyfingers.“SoI’lltakeallthepeonies.”Iturnbacktotheladywhosemouthisnowhangingopen.“Andthenlet’sgoforabout,whatdoyouthink,ahundredroses?”
Theladychucklesatme.“Ifshedoesn’tmoveinwithyou.”Shewinksatme.“Imight.”
Ican’thelpbutlaughbecausetheladyhastobeinherearlysixties.“Well,I’llkeepyournumberjustincase,”Ijokewithher.
Shethrowsherheadbackandlaughsevenmorenow.“It’lltakemeacoupleofminutestogeteverythingtogether,”sheexplainsandIjustnodather.
Ipulloutmyphone,bringingupPresley’sname.
Me:Howdiditgo?
Ipresssendandwaittoseeifthethreelittledotscomeup.Whentheydon’t,Isendheranothertext.
Me:JustleftTravis’sofficeandI’mgoingtoheadhome.Ihaveasurpriseforyou.
IpresssendandscrollmyemailswhileIwaitforhertoanswer.Theladycomesbackoutwithonebouquetwrappedinbrownpaper.“Nowyouaregoingtoneedtomakeseveraltrips,”shesays,andittakesmeaboutthirtyminutestogetalltheflowersinthecar.
ThenervessetinassoonasIgethome,andinsteadoftextingher,Icallheranditgoesstraighttovoicemail.“Gorgeous,”Isayafterthebeep,“I’mgettingworried,callme.”Ipressend,makingmywayintothehouse.
MyhandsareliterallyshakingwithnervesandmystomachrollseverysingletimeIthinkabouther.IpickupmyphoneagainwhenI’mabouttostartcookingandtexther.
Me:Whereareyou?
Iputthephonedown,thinkingshemightbeathomeandsick,thethoughthasmerunningoutthefrontdoorandrushingovertoherhouse.Thesunhassetnow,andwhenIpulluptoherhousetherearenolightsonandhercarisn’tinthedriveway.“Whatthefuck?”Ithinktomyself.Pickingupthephoneandcallingheragain,hearinghervoicemailclickon.“Gorgeous,”Isaysoftly,“youneedtocallme.”Chapter16
Presley
“Youcallmetomorrow,”mymothersayswhenshehugsmegoodbye.“Andwecantalkaboutthings.”Sheputsherhandsonmyarms,smilingatme.
IlookoveratClarabella,wholiterallyrollsherlips.“Mom,thereisnothingtotalkabout.I’mnotgettingmarried.”It’sthesamethingI’vebeentellingherforthepastthreefreakinghours.TheminuteItoldherthatIwasn’tgettingmarried,shethrewherhandsintheairandpretendedtofaintonthechair.Butthensheshotrightbackupandstartedpacingbackandforth,havingaconversationwithherself.MysistersandItriedtointerrupther,butallweheardwas,“Whyme?Whycan’titjustbeeasyforone?”Ifwetriedtotalktoher,shewouldglareatus.
“Presley,honey.”Shetriestousehersoftvoice,butIcantellshe’sonesecondawayfromshrieking.“Thinkofthebaby.”Hereyesroamdowntomystomach.
Ilaugh.“Iamthinkingofthebaby.”Iputmyhandtomystomach.“Sheorhewillberaisedbytwoparentswholovethem.Andthentheyhaveyou.”
“But,”shesays,andshequicklystopstalking.
“Mom,”Clarabellasays.“Whydon’twejusttakethatsheisgivingyouagrandchildasawin?”IholduponehandtoClarabella,tellingmymothertolistentoher.“Imean,justlastmonthshewasalonewolfwithahousefullofcats.”
Irollmyeyes.“Iwasn’twithahousefullofcats,”Idefend,annoyed.“Itwasacouple.”IstoptalkingwhenIfeelthephonevibrateinmypocket,butifItakeitout,mymotherisgoingtowanttoknowifit’sBennett,anditprobablyis.Thensheisgoingtowanthimtocomeover,andwell,todayhasbeencrazyenoughasitis.“Now,I’llbealonewolfwithacub.”
“Whycan’toneofyoujust…”Mymotherthrowsupherhands,andthereisthewomanwhoweallknowandlove.“Dothingstheeasyway?”
“She’shavingachildoutofwedlock.”Shelbystickshertwocentsintotheconversationwhenshecomesoutofthefrontdoor.“Ifthatdoesn’tscreameasy,Idon’tknowwhatdoes.”
Ican’thelpbutlaughatthat.IfonlytheyknewthathewastheonlymanI’veeversleptwith.“IshallwalkaroundMainStreetwithanAonmychest,”Ideadpanovermyshoulder,walkingdownthefrontsteps.Mymothergaspsateventhethought.
“Idiot,”Clarabellasays.“TheAstandsforadultery.”Shelaughs.“Wecancrossthatoffyourrésumé.”
“It’sstillearly,”Shelbyreplies,kissingmymotherandfollowingusdownthesteps.
“Whichoneofyouisdrivingthepregnantladyhome?”Iaskmysisters.
“Iwill,”Clarabellavolunteers.“It’sonmywaytopickupLuke.”
“Perfect,”Isay,walkingovertoClarabella’scar.Sheunlocksthedoor,andIgetin,grabbingmyphonerightaway.Lookingdown,IseethatIhaveacoupleofmissedcallsfromBennettandacoupleofmessages.IsmilewhenIseethathehasasurpriseforme,andwhenClarabellagetsinthecar,IalmosttellhertodropmeoffatBennett’shouse.
“Youokay?”Clarabellaaskswhenshepullsawayfrommymother’shouse.
“Imean,noonedied.”Itrytomakeajokeoutofit.“AndIdidn’tthrowup.”
“Atonepoint”—Clarabellalaughs—“IthoughtMom’sheadwasgoingtoexplode.”
“Thatwouldhavebeentooeasyforanyone.”Ilookoutthewindow.“Howlongdoyouthinkit’sgoingtotakeherbeforeshecornersBennettandtellshimtoputaringonit?”
Clarabellalaughs.“Twodaysmax.”Ican’thelpbutthinkshe’sright.“Andshe’sgoingtousetheyouwanttobuythecowifyouaregoingtodrinkthemilk.”
Ican’thelpbutthrowmyheadbackandlaugh.“Oh,she’sdefinitelygoingtousethat.”Istoptalkingwhenasharppainrunsthroughmystomach,andIyellout.
“Whatthefuck?”Clarabellaasks,andIlookoverather.
“Ijusthad,”Istarttosaywhenanotherpainhitsmystomach.“Sharppain,”Isay,pantingnow.
“Maybeyouhavetopoop,”shesayswhenshepullsintomydriveway.IgetoutofthecarandrushupthestairswhenIfeelit.
“No,”Isay,shakingmyhead.“No.”Ithroweverythingonthefloorandheadstraightintothebathroom.Notevenbotheringtoclosethedoor,Ilookdownandseethebloodinmyunderwear.“OhmyGod,”Isay,sittingdown.“Don’tpanic,”Itellmyself,lookingupandseeingClarabellastandingtherenow.Herfaceiswhitelikeaghost.“Spottingisnormal.”Idon’tknowifI’mtellingherorconvincingmyself.Iwipemyself,andit’snotspotting.It’sbrightredblood.“Thatisnotspotting.”
Mywholebodyjustshutsdown,andIfeelthiswholesenseofdreadcomeoverme.“Weshouldgotothehospital.”AllIcandoislookupatClarabella,notsurewhattosayordo.“Comeon,”sheurgessoftly,pickingmeupoffthetoiletbowlandpullingupmypantiesmyskirtfallsdownovermylegs.“Let’sgetgoing.”Sheputsherarminmineasshewalksmedownthehallway,onlystoppingtopickupmypurseandphoneatthefrontdoor.
Idon’tevenknowhowImakeittothecar.Everythinginsidemestops.Mybodyfeelslikeit’sontheoutsidelookingin.Shegetsinthecar,andIlookoverather.“Don’ttellanyone,”Isaysoftlyasshenodsherhead,reversingoutofmydriveway.Myheartrisestomythroat.
Iclosemyeyes,notsureIcanstandtolookatherasshedrives.MyhandrestsonmystomachthewholetimeasIholdthebabyinthepalmsofmyhands.Thisisn’thappeningistheonlythingIcanrepeatoverandovertomyself.Whenthecarcomestoastop,Iopenmyeyesandseethatweareintheparkinglotoftheemergencyroomatthehospital.“I’vegotyourpurse,”Clarabellasays,andallIcandoisnodather.Thelumpinmythroatissobig,ifIsayaword,allthatisgoingtocomeoutisasob.
Thedoorsslideopenassoonaswegetclosetothem,walkingintothewhiteroom.Therearebrownchairseverywhere,andmostareempty.“Hi,”Clarabellagreetswhenshestops,andIlookathertalkingtoaladysittingbehindaglasspartition.“Mysisteriselevenweekspregnant,andshegotasharppaininherstomach,andnowsheisbleeding.”
Theladybehindtheglasslooksatherandthenatme.“Ineedherinsurancepapers,please.”Imovemyeyesfromher.Sheasksquestions,andClarabellaanswersthemall.“Someonewillcallyoushortly.”
“ButI’mbleeding,”Isay,myvoicetrembling,lookingather,andshegivesmeasadlook.
“I’llseewhatIcando.”Shegetsup,andIlookoveratClarabella,whotriesnottoshowmethatshe’sworried,butyoucanseeshehasthisfearinhereyes.
“It’sgoingtobefine,”shecomforts,smilingandtryingtocalmmedown.Iturntowalktothebrownchair,butwedon’thavetimetositdownbeforemynameiscalled.
IfeellikeI’minatrance,myfeetaremovingbecausetheyneedto.Wewalkthroughanotherbrowndoor,andthistime,thereisanursetherewaiting.“PresleyBaker?”Idon’tknowifsheisaskingortelling,andtheonlythingIcandoisnodmyhead.“Rightthisway.”Sheturns,andIfollowher,notrealizingthewholetimethatI’mholdingmystomach.
“Thedoctorwillberightin,”shestateswhensheputsusinaroom.“Justsitonthetable.”ShepointsatthesametableIwasinthisafternoon.Butit’sdifferent.Everythingaboutthisisdifferent.Sofuckingdifferent.
“DoyouwantmetocallBennett?”Clarabellaasks,andmyheadsnapsupasIlookather.
“No,”Isay.MyheartbeatssofastinmychestasIsitonthetable.Thebackofmyneckburnswithnerves.Whenthedooropens,amanwalksinwearingawhitecoat.
“PresleyBaker.”Hesaysmyname,lookingdownatthewhitepaperinfrontofhim.
“Yes,”Isay,myvoicetrembling.“That’sme.”
“Okay,itsayshereyouareelevenweeksandstartedbleeding,”hesays,readingwhateverisonthepaper.
“Yes,”Iconfirm,andClarabellacomesovertostandbesideme.Idon’tevenfeelthetearsrunningdownmyfaceuntiltheydroponmyhandsthatareholdingmystomach.
“Andyouareelevenweeks?”heasks,andIjustnodmyhead.“Thereisnotmuchwecando.”Helooksatme.“Ifyouaremiscarryingthebaby,thereisnothingwecandotostopit.”
Miscarriage.Thewordmakesmeclosemyeyes.“How?”Clarabellaasksforme.“Shewasfinethismorning.”It’salmostasifshecanreadmymind,andsheismyvoice.Rightnow,allIwanttodoisclosemyeyesandwakeupfromthisnightmare.
Thedoctorsayssomething,butinstead,Ijustclosemyeyes.AllIcandoispictureBennettinmyheadholdingthepictureofthebabyinhishand,wearingthebiggestsmileI’veeverseen.He’sgoingtohateme.Thethoughtrunsstraighttomyhead.He’sgoingtohatemefornottakingcareofthebaby.Ifanythinghappenstothebaby,it’smyfault.Iraisemyhandtowipeawaythetears.“Ihadanultrasoundthisafternoon.”Iinterruptwhateveritistheyaresaying.“Anditwasperfect.”
“Wecancheckforyounowagain,”thedoctorsays.“Atleastwecanseeifyourbabystillhasaheartbeat.”IlookoveratClarabella,whoputsherhandtohermouthatthesametimethatthephoneringsfrommypurse.
“Turnitoff,”Itellher,andhereyesflytomine.Thethoughtoffacinghimistoomuchformetobearrightnow.Todaywhenhelookedatthepictureofourbaby,Ihadneverseenhimsmileasbigashedid,andnowitmightbeover.“Turnitoff.”Chapter17
Bennett
“Whatthefuckisgoingon?”Ihisstotheemptyroomandtossmyphoneonthecouchnexttome.I’msittingonthecouchinmylivingroominthedark.AfterdrivingfromPresley’smother’shouse,ImademywaybacktoPresley’shouse,thinkingmaybeImissedheronherwayhome.ButwhenIpulledupandwalkedupthestepstoringthedoorbell,Ifoundallthelightsoff.IpunchedinthecodeonthedoorandwalkedinasIcalledhername.Itookthestepstwoatatimeandfoundherbedroomindarkness.Therewasnosignofherinthehouse.IslammedthefrontdoorbehindmeasIgotbackinthecarandwenttoheroffice.Maybeshewenttheretograbhercar,Itellmyself,tryingtokeepthebadthoughtsatbay.“Pickup,pickup,pickup.”IwilledhereverysingletimeIcalledher,butallIgotwashervoicemail.
MyheartcalmeddownwhenIpulledintotheparkinglotandsawhercarstillthere.Shewasprobablyworkingsinceshetooksometimeoffthisafternoon.Butitwasonlyforamoment.WhenIranupthestepstothefrontdoor,itwaslocked.IwalkedaroundtothebacklikeacreepingPeepingTom,onlytofindthateverythinginsidewasclosedanddark.Iwentbacktomyhouse,hopingmaybeshewastherewaitingforme,butallIcamehometowasahousethatsmelledlikeafieldofflowers.
Iputmyheadback,rubbingmyfacewithbothmyhands,theknotsinmystomachgettingbiggerandbiggerasthesecondsfeellikehours.“Whereareyou,Presley?”Iasktheemptyroom,hopingthatmaybebysayinghername,shewillmagicallyappear.Igetnotansweringmycallswhenshewaswithhermother,butIknowshe’snotthere,andsomethinginmetellsmesomethingiswrong.Oritcouldbemyheadplayingtrickswithme.EitherwayI’mabouttogetdesperateenoughtocallhermother,andthatisn’tgoingtobegoodforanyone.IthinkaboutcallingTravis,butwhatamIgoingtosay?“Yoursisterisn’tansweringmyphonecall.”Itsoundssojuvenile
Igrabthephoneagainfrombesideme,dialingheragain,expectingittoringfourtimesbeforegoingtovoicemail,butthistime,itdoesn’t.TheminuteIhearsomeonesay,“Hello,”Isitupandmyheartspeedsupagain.
“Presley?”IsayhernameeventhoughIknowit’snother.Sheprobablylostherphone,whichiswhyshehasn’tbeencallingme.
“No,it’sClarabella.”Everythinginmeturnscold,yetIhavenoreasonforit.Thewaysheistalkingisverysoftandfeelsasifshe’stryingnottobeheard.
“Hey.”Itrynottosoundsoanxious.“SorryIdidn’trecognizeyourvoice.IwaslookingforPresley.”Iswallowthelumpthathasnowmovedfrommystomachtothemiddleofmychest,andnowit’sstuckinmythroat.“Isshethere?”
“Yes,”shesays,andIhearrustlingonherend.“Butshecan’tcometothephonerightnow.”
I’mabouttosaywhattheactualfuckoutloud,butinstead,Ireelitbackin,butnotasgoodasIhaditplannedinmyhead.“Okay,”Isnap.“Whatthefuckisgoingon?”Iclosemyeyes,readytokickmyselfforhowthatcameout.
“She’s,”shewhisperssoftlyandthenIhearthesoundofherheelsclickingonthefloor.“She’swiththedoctor.”Thehairsonmyneckstandupwhenshesaysthosewords.
IfIthoughtIwasreadyforwhatevershewasgoingtotellme,Iwaswrong.MyfeetaremovingevenbeforeIrealizewhatisgoingon.I’moutthedoorandinthecar.“Whereareyou?”Somanythingsaregoingthroughmyhead,butnoneofthemgood.Allofthembadandallofthemleadmetobewithoutoneofthem,andIcan’tevenfathomthatthought.Thethoughtalonefeelslikerazorbladescuttingintomyflesh.
“She’sgoingtokillme,”Clarabellahuffs,andIcanhearhervoicetremble,andmyheartbreaks.“Idon’t—”
“Clarabella,”Icutheroff.“Youcaneithertellmewhereyouare,”IsaybetweenclenchedteethasIbackoutofthedriveway,“orIcallyourmother.”Iknowit’salowblow,butIhavenochoice.“AndthenspendtherestofthetimecallingeverysinglehospitaluntilIfindher.”
“Wow,”Clarabellasays.“I’matMemorial.”Shenamesthehospital,andIdon’tevenknowifIsaygoodbye.AllIknowisthatIhangup.Irushoverthere,andthewholetimemyheadisscreamingthatshedidn’tcallme.Whydidn’tshecallme?Ishakemyhead,andthefearthatIhadbeforenowturnsintonerves.IpullupintotheemergencyparkinglotandpullinthefirstopenspotIfind.Grabbingthekeysandmyphone,Idon’tevenknowifIclosethedoorbeforerushingtotheentrance.
Irunallthewaytothedoor,rushinginsidewaysasthedooropensatasnail’space.Ilookaroundtheroomwithbrownchairseverywhere,notseeingClarabella.Myeyeslookeverywheretoseeiftherearesignstodirectmetomaybeamaternityward.Ilookdownatmyphone,callingPresley,butitgoesstraighttovoicemail.Itakeacouplemorestepsintotheroom,andwhenIspotawomansittingbehindaglasswindow,Iwalkover.“Excuseme,”Itellher,andshelooksupfromhercomputer.“I’mlookingforPresleyBaker.”
“Areyoufamily?”sheasksassheturnstothecomputer.
Iswallowbeforeansweringher.“Iamnot.”
“Wecan’tgiveoutpersonalandconfidentialinformationtonon-familymembers,”shetellsme,andIknowthatsheisstickingtoprotocol,butrightnow,allIcanthinkaboutisgettingtoPresley.
“Theyjustcalledmefromhere,”Iliejustabit.“I’mthefather.”
Shelooksmeupanddown,anditfeelslikeshe’sjudgingmefornotbeingherebeforenow,andifIwerehere,Iwouldprobablybedoingthesame.“Waithere.”Shepushesawayfromthedeskandgetsup,goingIdon’tevenknowwhere.Irunmyhandsthroughmyhair.Takingmyphoneoutofmypocket,IcallPresley,butitgoesstraighttovoicemailthistime,andI’mabouttothrowthefuckingthingagainstthewallwhenIhearmynamebeingcalled.
“Bennett.”IlookoverandseeClarabellacomingoutofahallway.Herfaceisstreakedwithtearsasshepretendssheisokay.IlookaroundtoseeifPresleyiswithher,butshe’salone.
“Whereisshe?”Iask.Mymouthsuddenlygoesdry,sodryIcan’tswallow.
“She’sbeingmonitored,”sheshares,andItakeasteptowardthehallway,andI’mstopped.
“Clarabella.”Isayhername,almosthissing.“Youcantellmewheresheis,orIgotojailfindingoutwheresheis.I’matmyfuckingwit’sendrightnow.”
Sheholdsupherhands.“Iknow,”shesayssoftly.“I’lltakeyoutoher.”Sheturns,andIfollowher,notsayinganotherword.
AsIwalkdownthewhitecorridor,Iscanalltheroomslookingforher.Myheadisgoingaroundandaroundwithallthesequestions,butnoanswersaregiven.WhenClarabellastops,shelooksoveratme.“Iknowyouarefreakingout,butgoeasyinthere.”
Ijustnodather,notsurehowmyvoiceisgoingtocomeout.I’malsonotpreparedforwhatI’mwalkinginto.IstepintotheroomafterClarabella,seeingPresleysittingupinthehospitalbed.“Hey,”Presleysayswhenshelooksatme.Icanseethedriedtearsonherface.Shelookspale,andherhandisonherstomach,andIhavetowonderifeverythingisokay.
Istopmidsteplookingather.She’sevenwearingahospitalgown.“Iwouldhavecomesooner,”Itellher,stillnotgoingtoher.NotsureIcan.
“I’llgiveyoutwoaminute,”Clarabellasays,lookingatPresleyandthengivingmeasadsmileonthewayout.
“Whydidn’tyoucallme?”isthefirstthingthatcomesoutofmymouth.Thepressureonmychestfeelslikeanelephantissittingonitwhileatigercomesbyandripsmyheartout.
“Itwasnobigdeal.”Shetriestosmilebutnothingcomes.“Iwasspottingabit,soIcameheretomakesurethatIwasokay.”Mystomachthatwasinmythroathasnowsunktomyfeet.
“Youwerespottingalittlebit.”NotsureIunderstandwhatishappening.“Youwerebleeding.”
“Yes,”sheanswersandwipesthetearoffhercheek.“Butthebabyisfine.”SheanswersthequestionI’vebeendyingtoknow.“Thedoctorcameinandcheckedmebeforeandweheardthebaby’sheartbeat.”Sheputsherhandsonherstomach.“He’sgoingtomonitormeforacoupleofhours.”Sheshrugs,tryingtopretendthatit’snothing.“SolikeIsaid,itwasnobigdeal.”
“Itwasn’tabigdeal,”Irepeatherwords,myvoicestayingmonotone.Thepictureofhercomingherescaredoutofhermindflashesbeforemyeyes.Theotherpicturethatflashesbeforemyeyesismenotbeingherewithher.Thethoughtisalmosttoomuchtobear.Ishouldstepoutoftheroomandcalmmyselfbeforewetalkaboutanythingelse.
“Yes,therewasn’tareasonforusbothtofreakout.”Sheavoidslookingatmeandlooksdownatherstomach.
“Ithoughtweweredoingthistogether.”Whenmyvoicecomesoutalmostbroken,hereyesflyuptomineasshelooksatmeinshock.Hereyeslookintomine,andIdon’tthinkI’lleverloveanyoneasmuchasIloveher.IalsoknowthatshewillneverlovemelikeIwantherto.
“Wearedoingthistogether,”shereassuresme,buttheonlythingIcanfocusonisthatshewentthroughthiswithoutme.
“Butthenthishappens,andyoudon’tevencallme.”Thetearsfillmyeyes.“Youdon’tsendmeamessage.”Ishakemyhead.“Idrovearoundlookingforyou,worried.Ihadnoanswers.Ihadnoideathatallthistimeyouwereheregoingthroughallofthis,andIwasnonethewiser.”
“Ididn’tthink…”shesays,andIholdupmyhandtostopherfromtalking.Themoreshetalksandtriestomakethisnotabigdeal,theangrierIget.
“Unlessyoudidthinkanddidn’tcare.”Ilaughbitterly,knowingthatthismomentisthemomentI’vebeendreading.ThemomentthatIknewwouldsomehowcome,yetdidn’twantit.Themomentthatmakesmyheartshatterinmychest.“I’vebeenafoolallthistime.”Chapter18
Presley
“Unlessyoudidthinkanddidn’tcare.”Helaughs,andIcantellit’sasarcasticlaugh.MyheartbeatsinmychestsohardandfastIfeellikeI’mgoingtothrowup.Myhandonmystomachgripsthesheetwithnerves.“I’vebeenafoolallthistime.”
“Bennett.”Isayhisnameasthestingingoftearsrushestomyeyes.IblinkthemawayasfastasIcan,butnothingcanpreparemeforwhatcomesnext.Mymouthgoessodrythatswallowinghurts,andallthewordsgetstuckatthebackofmythroatnotabletogopastthelumpthatisthere.“Everythingjusthappenedsofast,”Ifinallyamabletocroakout.“Thedoctorcamein.”Idon’ttellhimthetruth.Idon’ttellhimthatIdidn’twanttocallhimbecauseIcouldn’tfacehimifsomethinghadhappened.Idon’ttellhimthattheonlythingIwantedwastohavehimherewithme.Idon’ttellhimthateventhoughClarabellawasherewithme,theonlythingIwantedwastolookintohiseyes.
Heshakeshishead,thedefeatwrittenalloverhisface.“I’velovedyouforthepasttwelveyears.”Thewordscomeoutlikehe’sinpain.“Witheverysinglefiberofmybeing,Iloveyou.”Mylowerliptrembles,andthetearsnowcomewithoutwarning.Thelookofanguishisalloverhisface,andithurtsmetomycore.“Iloveyou,Presley.”Alonetearrunsdownhisface.“Idon’tknowwhyIthoughtmaybe,justmaybe,youfeltthesame.”Hishandmovesuptothebackofhisneckasheholdsit
“Butyouknew.”Thewordscomeoutwithoutmethinking.“YouknewthatIwasnevergoingtogetmarried.”Hestaresintomyeyes,andhelookslikehe’sgoingtosaysomething.“Ineverchangedmymindonthat.”
“Ididn’tcareifwegotmarried.Ididn’thavetobemarried,”hesays.“AllIwantedwasyou.IwouldhavetakenyouanywayIcouldhaveyou.Iwouldhavegivenyouwhateveritisyouwanted.”Hishandfallsfromhisneck.“Ijustfuckingwantedyou.”Youhaveme,Iwanttoyelloutatthetopofmylungs.I’myours.ButIdon’tevenhaveasecondtocomebackbeforehecontinues,“Iwon’tburdenyouanymorewithmyfeelings.”JustwhenIthoughtitcouldn’tgetworse,itdoes.“Iwon’tburdenyouwithbeingstuckwithme,atleastnotromantically.”Theneedtosoboutgripsmywholebody,andIfightitback.Thisiswhatyouwanted,Iremindmyself.“Wearehavingababytogether,andthatwillbemymainfocus.”Isitupnowwhenhestopstalking,andI’mabouttotellhimthatIdolovehim,butthedoorswingsopen.
“Icomebearingsnacks,”Clarabellasayswithasmileonherface,andshestopsmidstepwhenshetakesinthestandoffthatishappening.Thesmilefadesfromherface.“Ihavejuicealso.”ShelooksatBennettandthenlooksatme.“Iseverythingokay?”
“Justfine,”Bennettsays.“I’llbeinthewaitingroom.”Hedoesn’tevenlookmywaybeforeturningandwalkingout.Iwatchthedoorclosesoftlybehindhim,myvisionblurryfromthetearsthathavebuiltupandarenowfallingovermylidsanddownmyface.
“Whatjusthappened?”Clarabellawalksovertothesideofmybed,puttingdownthesnacksandjuiceshegotonthebedsidetable.
“Nothing,”Ireply,usingthebackofmyhandtoruboffthetearsfrommycheeks.“I’mjustworriedaboutthebaby,”Isay,puttingmyhandbackonmystomach,thinkingnotsolongagowhenIfoundoutthatthebabywasokay.
Whenthedoctorwalkedintotheroomandtoldmethattherewasnothinghecoulddo,it’salmostasifIdidn’thearthewords.ItwasClarabellawhowasmyvoiceatthatpoint.“Ifyoudon’twanttodoyourjobasadoctor,thencanyousendsomeoneelseinwhowill.”Hewastakenabackbyhertone.“Andifthatisthecase,wecangotoanotherhospital.”Ididn’twanttotellherthatIwasn’tfuckingleavinghere.
Thedoctornoddedatherandlookedbackatme.“Thefirstthingwearegoingtodoischeckandseeifthereisaheartbeat.”Hewalkedovertothesinktowashhishands.“Lieback,andifyoucan,pullyourskirtdowntoyourhips.”Ididwhatheaskedmetodo.“Iwilltellyouthatifyouareintheprocessofamiscarriage,thereisnothingwecandoaboutit.”
“Canwestopsayingthatfuckingword?”Clarabellahissed.“Andseewhat’sgoingoninthere.”Shepointedatmystomach,andthedoctorsatdownonthestoolandwheeledhimselfovertothelightandturneditoffbeforehewheeledbacktome.
Ihadnoideawhattoexpect.IhadnoideawhatIwaslookingat,butwhenheputthebluegelonmystomachandpressedthethingdownonit,andIlookedoveratthemonitor,IletoutasobwhenIsawmybabystillthere.Verymuchinthesamepositionasthisafternoon.Hemovedfromrighttoleft,andthenhepressedabutton,andyoucouldhearwhatsoundedlikegallopinghorses.“That’stheheartbeat,”hesaid,andIjustputmyhandsinfrontofmyfaceandsobbed.
“WhyisBennettinthewaitingroomandnotbyyourside?”Clarabellaasks,andIgrabthebottleofapplejuice.Itwistoffthetopandtakeasip.Thecoldsweetnesshitsmytonguerightaway.“It’sokaytotellhimthatyouneedhim.”
“No,it’snot,”Isnap.“It’snotokay.”Ishakemyhead,thetearscomingagain.
“Presley,”shesayssoftly.“Youarehavingababywithhim.”Sheputsherhandontopofmine.
“Andhecanbeasinvolvedashewantstowiththechild.”Thewordstastesourinmymouth.“Heknowsthis.”
“Whatdidhetellyou?”sheasks,andwhenIlookupather,Iknowshehasanidea.
“Thathelovesme.”Ifinallysaythewords,andIdon’taddthatIlovehimalso,becausewhatdifferencedoesitmake?
“Imean,that’sagoodthing,right?”Shesmirks,tryingtobethevoiceofreason.“Thereisnothingwrongwithadmittingthatyouwanthim,”sheurgessoftly.“It’snotgoingtomakeyoulessofawomanifyouadmityouloveandneedhim.It’sokay.”
“No,it’snot,”Isayangrily.“It’snotokay.”IwipemycheekoffwithmoreforcethanIwantedto.Myhandsareshaking.“It’stheoppositeofokay.Icannevergivehimwhathewants.”
“Whynot?”Shesitsupandfoldsherarmsacrossherchest.
“Because,”Ihuff.“Thatisn’tthewayitgoes.”
Sherollshereyesandlaughsatme.“Andhowdoesitgo?”
“LookatTravis,”Istart.“HewassupposedtomarryJennifer,andthenwhat?”
“Thenhedidn’t.”Sheshrugs.“ThenhegothisheadoutofhisassandmarriedHarlow,justlikehewasalwayssupposedto.”
“LookatShelby,”Icounteranddon’tevengiveherachancetoanswer.“ShewasheadoverheelsinlovewithJoseph,andhefuckedherfriend.”
“One,he’sadouchebag,sothereisthat.”Clarabellaholdsupherfinger.“Andtwo,shewasalwayssupposedtomarryAce.”
“Whataboutyou?”Ilookather.“WereyoualwayssupposedtomarryLuke?”Sheglaresatmenow.“WereyoualwayssupposedtomarryLuke?”
“Yes,”shesayswithouteventhinkingaboutit.“NowthatIcanlookbackonit.KnowingonethousandpercentthatIwasalwayssupposedtomarryLuke.LookatBennett.”Justhearinghisnamehurtsmyheart.“He’sbeenhomeforthepastsixmonths,andhe’sbeenatyourbeckandcallthiswholetime.”
I’mabouttosaythathehasn’twhenthedoctorcomesinagain.“Okay,Ms.Baker,”hesays.“Let’sseehowwearedoing.”
“DoyouwantmetogetBennett?”Clarabellaasks,andIjustnodmyhead.Nomatterwhat,ItoldhimthatIwouldneverkeepthebabyfromhim.Shegetsupandwalksoutoftheroom.
“Thefatherisinthewaitingroom.”Idon’tevenknowwhyI’mtellinghimthis.
“Haveyougonetothebathroom?”heasks,andIshakemyhead.Iwastooafraidtogotothebathroom.“Ifyoucan,goandcheckandseehowthebleedingis.”Inodathim,turningandgettingoutofthebed.
Iwalktothebathroominthecorner,andwhenIpulldownmypanties,Iseedriedblood.MyheartstartstospeedupwhenIsitdownandpee.IclosemyeyesforasecondafterIpee,tryingtogatherthecouragetowipemyself.Igrabthetoiletpaper.“Youbetterbeclean,”Isayundermybreath.“Also,youareverygroundedwhenyoucomeoutforscaringmelikethis.ButIloveyou.”That’sthelastthingIsaybeforeIlookdownandseeacleanpieceoftoiletpaper.Withnotevenapinktinttoit.
Iwalkoutofthebathroomwiththebiggestsmileonmyface.“Noblood,”Itellthedoctorasthedooropens,andClarabellacomesbackinwithBennettbehindher.
“Whathappened?”Clarabellaasks,andmyeyesgotoBennett,hopingthathelooksatme,andhedoesforasecond.Thehurtandpainaresoevidentitmakesmywholebodyhurt.
“Noblood,”Isay,walkingtothebed,afraidthatatanymoment,mykneesaregoingtogiveoutonme,andI’mgoingtobelyinginthemiddleofthefloor
“That’sgoodnews,”thedoctorsayswhenIgetbackintobed.Ipullupthecovertomywaistasthedoctorlowerstheheadofthebedabit.Iliftthehospitalgownupbutkeepmyprivateareacoveredwiththeblanket.“Let’sseehowthelittleoneisdoing.”IlookupatClarabella,whostandsbesideBennettatthefootofthebed.Myeyesdon’tmovefromBennettasheputshishandsinhispocketsandlooksatthemonitorandthenthedoctor.Mywholebodycriesoutforhim.MyhandsshakeasIgrabthebedsheetsbesideme.Ipleadwiththeuniversetolethimlookatme,butnooneislisteningtonight.Thesoundoftheheartbeatfillstheroom,andmyeyesgofromBennetttothescreen.Theweightofalmostlosingthebabyistakenoffme.IputmyhandinfrontofmymouthasIcry,butthistime,they’retearsofhappiness.Mybabyisgoingtobeokay,atleastfortoday,andIhavethissuddenneedtoputmyhandbackonmystomachtoprotecthimorherfromanything.Thetearsquicklyturntoasmilethatissobigonmyfaceithurtsmycheeks.Thebabylookslikeit’sdoingsomersaultsinthere.IlookdownatmystomachinawethatIfeelnothing,notevenalittletickle.IlookbackatBennett,andhiseyesarejustonthescreen.“Youhaveaveryactivebaby.”IwaitforBennetttosay“Wehaveaveryactivebaby,”buthedoesn’t.Thedoctorturnsoffthemachineandwipesmystomach.“I’mgoingtosuggestthatyoustayoffyourfeetforacoupleofdaysandrest.”Heturnsonthelights.Idon’ttellhimthattheideaofsittinginbedandnotdoinganythingforthenexttwoweekshasplayedoverandover.“I’llsendareporttoyourdoctor,andyoucandoafollow-upwithher.”
“Thankyou,”Itellhim.“Foreverything.”
“I’mgoingtowaitoutside,”Bennettsays,turningtowalkoutoftheroom,andIwanttoyellathimtostay,butinstead,Iwatchhimleaveasmyheartshattersinmychest.Chapter19
Bennett
“I’mgoingtowaitoutside,”Isaybeforeturningandwalkingoutoftheroom.Thewholetime,mybodyandmyheadtellmetogotoher.Thewholetime,Ihadtofightwithmyeyesnottolookather.
WhenIwalkedoutoftheroomthefirsttime,Itooktwostepsdownthehallwayandhadtostopandputmyhandagainstthewalltohelpholdmeup.WalkingawayfromherhastobethehardestthingI’veeverdoneinmywholelife.TellingherIloveher,knowingthatitmightbetheendofus.Standinginthatroomaftergoingcrazylookingforherandfindingoutthatourbabymaybelostandhernotevenbotheringtocallmewastoomuch.Ishouldhavetakenasecondtothinkaboutit.Ishouldhavejustwalkedawayandgatheredmythoughts.Isatinthatwaitingroomwithmyheartbrokenfromwalkingawayfromher,yetfullfromlearningthatthebabywasokay.
Idon’tevenknowhowlongIsatthere.ItwasasifIwasinadaze.Asiftheworldaroundmewasgoingfullforceinacirclelikeatornado,yetIsatinthemiddleofitjustwatchingthedestructionanddevastationaroundme.WhenClarabellacameouttogetme,IthoughtshewasgoingtotellmethatPresleywantedme.Ihadthislittleglimmerofhopeinmethatshedidloveme,butonceIgotinside,shetoldmethedoctorwasthere.ThelightfromthecandleofhopethatIhadgoingonwasblownout.
NowI’msittinginthatchairagain,mywholebodyfeelinglikeitgotrunoverbyaMacktruck.Frontandback.Ileanforward,puttingmyelbowsonmyknees,andjusthangmyhead.Howdidthisdaygofromoneofthebestdaysofmylifetotheabsoluteworstdayofmylifeinablinkofaneye?
Ihearfootstepsandturnmyheadtolookupandseethemwalkingtowardme.PresleyhasherheadlookingdownasClarabellasayssomethingtoher.Whenshelooksup,Imakethemistakeoflookingintohereyes,anditjustshattersmeagain.Shedoesn’twantyou,myheadscreams,andIexhaleadeepbreathbeforegettingup.“Hey,”Isay,lookingatClarabella,afraidtolookoveratPresley.“Everythingokay?”
“Peachykeen,”Clarabellareplies.
“Okay,I’mgoingtoheadout.”Ipointwithmythumbtowardthedoor.“Letmeknowif—”Istoptalking.“Just,Iguess,keepmeinformed.”
“Ofcourse.”Presley’svoicecomesoutsosoftifIwasn’tpayingattention,IwouldthinkImadeitup.Everythinginmewantstotakeherhomeandmakesureshe’swelltakencareof.Iwanttotakeherhomeandputhertobed.Iwanttotakeherhomejusttotakeherhome,butinstead,Inodmyheadatthemandturntowalkoutofthehospital.
Isitinmycarandwatchthemcomeout,neitherofthemtalking.Ithinkaboutfollowingthemtomakesureshegetshomeokay,butIdon’t.Instead,Imakemywaybacktomyhouse,walkinginandthesmellofflowershitsmerightaway.
“Fuck.”Iwalkintothekitchenandgetahugeblackgarbagebag.Iwalkaroundtheroom,takingtheflowersandtossingthemaway.Aftercleaningup,Iturnoffthelightsandwalkupthestairs.Thephoneinmyhandisalmostasifit’sacementbrick,gettingheavierandheavierastheminutestickby.
NomatterwhatIdo,Ican’tshutoffmymind.Steppingintotheshower,allIcanseeishersittinginthehospitalbedstaringatme.Lyinginthebedonmypillow,theonlythingIcansmellisherbesideme.Iwatchthehourstickbylikeyears,andfinally,whenthesuncomesup,Igetupandwalkdownstairstomakecoffee.IpickupthephoneforwhatisthemillionthtimesinceIgothometoseeifshetextedme,butshehasn’t.“Iguessnonewsisgoodnews.”
WhenIwalkintotheoffice,Iputmythingsdownonmydeskandwalkdownthehallwaytoseeoneofthepartners.Knockingontheopendoor,IstickmyheadintoseeDamian.“Heythere,”Isay,andhelooksup.“MindifIcomein?”
“Please,”hesays,takinghisglassesoffandputtingthemonthepapersinfrontofhim.“Comein.”
“Thankyou.Ifyouhaveasecond,Iwouldlovesomeadvice,”Itellhim,andhiseyebrowspinchtogether.
“Closethedoor,”hesays,andInod,closingthedoorandthenwalkingovertositinoneofthechairsfacinghim.
“Thisisfuckingweird.”IlaughnervouslyasDamianleansbackinhischair.IcantellfromthelookofconfusiononDamian’sfacethathisheadisspinning.“Ineedalawyer,”IstateandthenletoutahugebreaththatI’vebeenholding.“Fuck,thisisharderthanIthought,”Isay,thepainhittingmeinmychest.
“Takeitonestepatatime,”hesaysandgetsupfromhischair,walkingaroundthedesk.Hecomestositnexttomeinthechairbesideme.“DoIneedtogettheotherpartnersinhere?”
“No.”Ishakemyhead.“Ineedafamilylawyer.”Hejustlooksatme.“I’mgoingtobeafather.”
“Holyshit,”Damiansayswithasmileonhisface.“Congratulations.”
“Thanks,”Isay,smiling.“It’sagreatsurprise.”
“Areyouandthemother…?”hestartstoask,andIshakemyhead.
“Wearenot.”Thosethreewordscomeoutofmymouth,andthenthelumpforms.Sobigitfeelslikethosebouldersthatyouputinplacetostopthingsfromcomingout.“Iwanttoknowmyrights.”
“Whatdoyouwantrealistically?”heasks.
“Iwanttobeabletoraisemychildfifty-fifty.”Myeyesstingwithtearsthatcome.“That’sallIwant.”MyvoicetrailsoffbecausetheonlythingelseIwantistobeabletoraisethebabywithPresleybymyside.Butthatisn’tinthecardsforme.“Idon’tknowwhatelsetoaskfor.”
“HowaboutIdrawupacontract?”hesuggeststome.“Andwecangooverthings.”
“Yes,”Itellhim.“Andifyoudon’tmind,I’dliketokeepitconfidentialfornow.”Henodsatme,andIgetup.“I’llbearoundifyouhavequestions.”
“I’llworkonthismyself,”hesayswhenIgettothedoor,andallIcandoisnodathim.Itrytogetlostinmywork,anditonlyworkshalfthetime.Theotherhalfofthetime,I’msittinginmydeskchairlookingoutthewindow,wonderingwhatshe’sdoing.
I’msittingonthecouchdrinkingabeerasItrytofocusonabaseballgamewhenthedoorbellrings.MyfeetaremovingbeforeIcanthinkaboutit,andtheminuteIopenthedoor,allthehopethatIhadthatitwouldbeherisgone.“Hey.”Travisstandstherewithabottleofscotchinhishand.“Clarabellacalledandsaidyoumightneedadrink.”Ipfftoutandturnbacktowalktowardthekitchen.Igrabtwoshotglassesandturnback,watchingTravissitdownononeofthestools.“I’massumingshesaidno.”
“Didn’tevengetthere,”Itellhim,holdingoutmyhandforhimtogivemethebottle.“Shestartedbleeding.”TravisgaspswhenIsaythosewords.“She’sfine.Thebabyisfine.”Iholdupmyhandbeforehefreaksout.“Butlet’sjustsay,Iwasn’therfirstcall.”Helooksatme,hismouthstillopen.“Itiswhatitis,”Isay,shruggingandnotbotheringtomakeeyecontactwithhim.Ipourtwoshotsofscotch,handinghimone.
“Whatareyougoingtodo?”heaskswhileIdownashotandthenquicklypourmyselfanotherone.Theburningofthesecondshotisevenworsethanthefirstone.
“Thereisn’tanythingformetodo,”Ishare.“Ifsheneedshelp,I’llalwaysbethere.Butmymainfocusnowisonthebabyandco-parentinginthemostcivilwaypossible,”Isay,takinganothershot.
“IwishIknewwhattosay,”Travissaystomeashetakeshisfirstshot.
“Nothingyoucansay,”Itellhim.“Ihavetoacceptthatthisishowit’sgoingtobe,andwemoveon.”Itakeanothershot,andthistime,Ihiss.
Travissitswithme,neitherofussayinganything.“Callmeifyouneedme,”hesayswhenhegetsup.“Eventhoughshe’smysister.”Helooksatme.“You’relikeabrothertome.”Itiltmyheadtotheside.“Fuck,thatwasgross.”
Ican’thelpbutchuckleabitwhenheturnsandwalksout,slammingthedoorbehindhim.IpickupmyphoneandpressthebuttontoseethescreensaverpictureofPresleyandme.Myfingerrubsoverherfaceslowly,andIturnoffeverything,thenwalkupstairstobed.
Idon’tevenknowhowtheweekgoesby.Ican’teventellwhatdayitis.ButwhenIgetthepapersfromDamian,IknowthatIhavetomakethephonecall.Igrabmyphone,andthewholetime,myhandsshakeasIpressthephoneicon.IputthecellphoneinthemiddleofmydeskbeforeIpressthegreenbuttonnexttohername.Idon’tevenknowifsheisgoingtoanswer.AllIcanhearrightnowisthebeatingofmyownheart.AndtheneverythingstopswhenIhearhervoice.“Hello.”Fuck,thisisharderthanIthoughtitwouldbe.
“Hey,”Igreetnervously,almoststuttering.“It’sme.”
“Hi,”shesayssoftly.
“Sorryfordisturbingyouonaworkday.”Myhandsrestonmydeskaroundthephone.
“Youcancallmeatanytime,”sheaffirms,andallIcandoishangmyhead.
Blockitout,Itellmyself.Justsaywhatyouneedtosayandthenmoveon.“Iwashopingthatwecansetupatimetotalk.”Myfingertapsonthedeskatthesametimethatmylegstartstomoveupanddown.
“Thatsoundslikeagoodidea,”shesays.“ShouldIcomebyyourplacetonight?”No,therightsideofmyheadyells.“Ordoyouwanttocomeovertomine?”Yes,theleftsideofmybrainsays.
“Iwasthinkingthatyoucouldcomebytheoffice,”Isay.“Norush,wheneveryouhavetime.”
“Icanbethereinthirtyminutes,”sheresponds.“Isthattoosoon?”
“No,thatsoundsgreat,”Isay.“Seeyouthen.”Idon’twaitforhertosayanythingbeforeIpresstheredbutton.Ileanbackinmychair,andIfeellikemyshirtisshrinkingonme.Ipreparemyselfmentallyforherarrival.However,thereisnothingthatwilleverpreparemeforPresley.
IlookupwhenIhearaknockonthedoor,andthereshestands.She’swearingdarkbluepantsthatgohighonthewaistwiththesamecolorbeltandawhitesilkshirttuckedin.“Hi.”Shesmilesasshewalksin,andeventhoughshe’ssmiling,shelookslikesheistired.Everythinginmewantstoaskherifshe’ssleeping.ButIknowIcan’taskherthat.ShemadeherdecisionandIhavetorespectit.
“Hi.”Igetupfrommychairandwalkaroundmydesk.“Thanksforcomingsoquickly.”Itrytoremaincalm,butmyhandsarewetwithsweat.
“Ofcourse,”shesays.“ShouldIclosethedoor?”
Ishakemyhead.“No.”Igrabthefileontop.“Whydon’twesitdownintheconferenceroom?”IsaytoherasIwalktoher.“Doyouwantawaterorsomething?”
“I’mfine,”shesays,andallIcandoisnodather,motioningwithmyheadtofollowme.Wewalksidebysidetotheconferenceroom,neitherofussayinganything.Pullingopentheglassdoor,Iwaitforhertowalkin.
“Thisisnice,”shesays,lookingaroundatthebigconferencetablethatseatstwenty.Iwalkoverandholdoutmyhandtohertotakeaseat.Iwalkaroundthetableandsitinfrontofher.“Soofficial.”Shelaughs.Puttingthemanilafolderonthetableandopeningit,Ihandheracopyacrossthetable.“Whatisthis?”sheasksmebeforeevenreading.Hereyesgodown,andthenshelooksupatme.“Custodyagreement.”Chapter20
Presley
“Thisisnice.”Ilookaroundtheconferenceroom,holdingmypurseinfrontofme,feelingmywholebodyslowlyshakingwithnerves.Heholdsouthishandformetotakeaseat,andIcan’thelpbutlaughnervouslyasIpulloutoneofthechairs.“Soofficial.”Ilookoverattheothersideofthetable,watchinghimpullouthisownchair.WhenIsawhisnameonthecallerID,IdroppedtheplateoffruitIwaseatingonmylap.It’sbeenthelongestdayswithouthiminthem.Thenseeinghim,itjustfinallyputmeateasewithjustonelookathim.Heopensthemanilafolderinfrontofhimandhandsmethewhitepaperswithblackwritingonit.“Whatisthis?”Iaskhim,andmyeyesgodowntothepaperinfrontofme.Myeyesgostraighttotwowords.“Custodyagreement.”Myeyesflyuptohis,theshockrunningthroughmerightnow.ThiswasthelastthingthatIthoughthewantedtotalktomeabout.Ithoughtwewouldsitdownandhashoutwhathappened.IthoughtIwouldbeabletoapologizefornotcallinghim.Ithoughthewouldtakemeinhisarmsandhugme,butinstead,it’smyworstnightmare.
“Notacustodyagreement.”Heholdsuphishandtostopmefromtalking.
“Doesthisnotreadcustodyagreement?”Ipointatthewords.Mystomachfliestomythroat,andIfeellikeI’mgoingtothrowup.Thebackofmyneckistingling,andIfeelsuddenlyhot.IwentfromfeelingsadtoangertoIdon’tevenknowhowtoexplainit.Outofcontrol.
“WhatIwantedtodoisgeteverythingdownonpapersowecanfigureoutwhatwewilldo,”hesays,andIcanseehishandshaking.“Justsowearebothcovered,andneitherofusissurprisedbyanything.”
“Imean…”Iputdownthepaperinfrontofme.“It’sus,soIwasjustassumingthatwewouldtalkaboutthings.”
“Andthisiswhatwearedoing,”heconfirms,andhelooksdownatthepaper.“IjustwanttomakesurethatIhave…”
“Iwillnever,everkeepthebabyfromyou,”Iassurehim,andwhenhelooksupatme,Iseetheworryinhiseyes.“Bennett,youarethefatherofthebaby.”Mymouthgetsdry,andmynosestartstosting.“Wearegoingtosplitcustodyfifty-fifty.”Iswallowthelumpinmythroat,sayingthewords.Iknewthatthiswasgoingtocome.Imean,Ieventoldmyselfthatthisishowithadtobe.Butthenactuallysayingthemoutloudisanotherthing.IalreadywassoinlovewithourchildthatIcouldn’texplainit,sothethoughtofnotbeingthereeverydaywithhimorherisalotharderthanIexpectedittobe.
“WhichiswhyIthinkweshouldgetthingsinwritingsoeverythingisoutthere.”Hisfingerstartstotaponthetable,andIknowthathe’snervous.
“Sure,”Isay,lookingbackdownatthepapersinmyhand.
“WecangothroughthepointsthatIhave,”hesays,andmyeyesflyuptoseehimlookingdownathisownpapers.WhenIwalkedoutofthehospitalroom,Iexpectedhimtodrivemehome,butheleftmewithClarabella.Ihadtobitemytongueonmywaytokeepfromcallingouttohim.“Iwouldliketobethereforeverydoctor’sappointment.”
“Ofcourse.”ItcomesoutharsherthanIwantittobe.“Iwouldassumeyouwouldhavebeenthereanyway.”Myvoicegoessoft.
“Iwilltakecareofallmedicalbillsthathavetodowiththebaby,”hestates,andIshakemyhead.
“No,”Isay.“Ifthereareanymedicalbills,it’ssplitfifty-fifty.”
Heleansoverandtakesapenoutofthebasketinthemiddleofthetabletomakenotesonhispaper.“Okay,Iwillchangethat.”Icanseehimlookatme,andIignoretheneedtolookupathim.“Haveyoudecidedifyouaregoingtobreastfeedorbottlefeed?”
“Ihaven’tgivenitanythought,tobehonest.”Ilookathim,andbeingherewithhiminthisroomisalmosttoomuchforme.“I’massumingI’mgoingtobreastfeed.”Iwanttoaskhimifheisgoingtobetakingmybreastalso,butIdon’t.
“Ifyoudecidetobreastfeed,wouldyoubeopentopumpingyourmilksoIcanhavesomeatmyhouse?”Helooksatme,andatthispoint,Ijustnodathim.“Great,”hesays,smilingatme,butIjustlookdown.
Idon’tevenknowwhatelseisdiscussedbecause,atthispoint,myheadhasshutitout.Ipushawayfromthetableattheendofit.“Draftitup.”Igrabmypurseandputthepaperinsideit.“AndthenI’llhavemylawyerlookatit.”Inodathim,notsayinganotherwordbecauseIhaveafeelingthatthenextwordsthatcomeoutofmymoutharenotgoingtobegoodatall.
“I’llwalkyouout,”hesays,andIjustshakemyhead.
“I’mfine.”Iturntowalkoutoftheroombeforeheevenhasachancetosayanythingelse.Iwalkdownthehallwaywithmyheadheldhigh,eventhoughitfeelslikeIhaveathousandpoundsonmyshoulderspushingmedown.IkeepittogetherthewholetimeevenwhenIgetinthecar.Idon’tcallanyone.Idon’tsayanything.I’mjustnumb,andwhenIgethome,I’mhappynooneistherewithme.
WhenIgothomefromthehospital,Iexpectedtofindmyhousepitchblack,butinstead,Shelbywastheresittingontheporchstepswaitingforus.Shedidn’treallysaymuch;neitherofthemdid.TheyjustmadesureIwasokay.Theybothspentthenight,andthenextdaywhenIgotup,IhalfexpectedtoseeamessagefromBennett.Buttherewasnothing.Wehadameetingonmycouch,andIdidn’tevenfightthemwhentheytoldmethatIshouldjuststayoffmyfeetforacoupleofdays.Iwoulddoalltheworkfromhome.TheonlythingthatIwouldn’tbeabletodoismeetwithpotentialclients.Everynightoneofthemwouldcomeandstaywithme,butIwillbecallingthemassoonasIcanspeakwithoutbreakingdowntotellthemIwouldliketobealone.
Iwalkintothehouse,dumpingmypurseonthetable,andheadstraighttomybedroom.IundressrightafterIstarttheshower.AllIcanhearinmyheadishisvoice.AllthatI’vebeenhearinginmyheadarethewordsIloveyou.Overandoveragain,dayandnight,it’salwaysthere.
Stoppingtolookinthemirror,Iseethelittlebumpthatjuststartedtoform.IfIdidn’tknowthatIwaspregnant,IwouldthinkthatIjustoverate.Iputmyhandonmystomach,somethingthatIdoallthetimenow.Istepintotheshowerandputmyfaceback,walkingunderthestreamofthewater.OnlywhenI’munderthewaterdoIletoutthefirstsob.Itripsthroughmelikealightningbolt.Steppingback,IputmyhandsovermyfaceasIcryout.ThisrighthereiswhatIwasafraidofallthistime.Thispaininmychest,andhasbeensincehetoldmehelovedme,isapainthatIcan’tevenputintowords.Iwanttosayit’slikeastabbingpainoverandover,butitdoesn’tdoitjustice.Everysingletimemyheartbeats,itfeelslikeanotherpieceiscutoff.
Gettingoutoftheshower,Iwipemyface,butthetearsdon’tstop.Nothingwillstopit,andIcrawlintobed.PlacingmyheadonthepillowandholdingmystomachwhileIcry,thisrighthereiswhatIwasafraidof.
ThisrighthereiswhatIwasavoidingthiswholefuckingtime.ThepainthatIfoughtsohardnottofeel,yethereIam,broken-hearted.Ihavenoideawhattodoorhowtofixthis.
Everysingleday,Igetupandgetoutofbed,butIdoitforthebaby.IeatonlybecauseIknowthatthebabyneedsit.Igoonlineeverydaytoreadeverythingithasonthebabyatthisstage.Mywholeworldnowrevolvesaroundthislittlebabywhoismywholelife.Ababywhowasconceivedwithlove.AbabywhowillforeverbeapartofmeandapartofBennett.Ababywhoisnowtheonlyreasonhewantstotalktome.
Theroomslowlygetsdark,andeventhoughItextedmysistershoursagotellingthemnottocomeovertonightandthatIwasfine,Ihearthefrontdooropen.“Babymomma,”Clarabellacallsout,andthenIhearherfeetcomingcloserandclosertomybedroom.“Areyousick?”sheasksfromthedoorway.“Isitthebaby?”
“I’mfine.”Idon’tbotherliftingmyhead,butIalsodon’tbotherhidingmyface.
Shesitsonthebednexttome.“What’sthematter?”
Everything,Ialmostsayoutloud.ThefactthatIloveamanandcan’ttellhim.ThefactthatI’mpetrifiedoftellinghimwiththenotionthathe’llleaveme.ThefactthateventhoughIsaidthatIhadtoleavehim,actuallydoingitiskillingmysoul.Butinstead,Ilieandtrytotellmyselfthatthisishowit’ssupposedtobe.“Nothing,”Ilie,andasIsayit,thetearsjustcontinuetopourout.“I’llbefine,”Iwhisper,hopingthattomorrowisabetterday.Chapter21
Bennett
“I’llbebackinaboutanhour,”ItellAndrewasIwalkoutofmyoffice.ThephonestartstoringinmyhandasIwalktothedoor.“Hello,”Isayafterfourrings,notevencheckingwhoitis
“SoItakeityou’realive,”TravisjokestomeasIchuckle,pushingopentheoffice’sfrontdoorandsteppingoutintothesunshine.Theheathitsmerightawayasthesunburnsdownonme,makingmeshrugoffmysuitjacket.
“I’malive,”IassurehimasIunlockthecardoorandgetin,startingitrightaway.Itossmysuitjacketonthepassengerseat,theBluetoothconnectingrightaway,soIputmyphoneinthecupholder.
“It’sbeentwoweeks,”hesays,andIputmyheadbackontheseatandclosemyeyes.
It’sbeensixteendays,tobeexact,butwhoiscounting?Ialmostsay.“Iknow.I’vebeenswampedwithwork,”Ihuff.TheonlysavinggracetoallofthisisthatI’minthemiddleofthebiggestmergerofmylife.Twoofthebiggesttechcompaniesaremerging,andit’sbeenallhandsondecksincetheycametous.It’saonce-in-a-lifetimedeal,andeventhoughIspentovereighthoursattheoffice,andIgothomebone-deadtired,Istillhatedwalkingintomyhouse.Ididn’tgoanywherebutthebedroom.Isleepforamaxoffivehours,sometimesless,andwhenI’mdonetossingandturning,Igetupandjustheadtotheoffice.
“Ifigured,”hehuffs.“Iknowthisisweird,butwearehavingabirthdaypartyforCharlotte,andHarlowsaidifyoudon’tcome,she’sgoingtosendherfathertogetyouwithhisgun.”
Ican’thelpbutlaughatthatpicture.“I’mnottheonehewantstoshoot.”Imakethejoke,butthethoughtofgoingtothebirthdaypartymakesmystomachburn.
“Hey,”hesnaps.“Heisstartingtolikemeabitmoreeveryday.”Hechuckles.
“Isthatwhatyoukeeptellingyourself?”Itapthesteeringwheelnervously,tryingtothinkofanexcuse.
“Isthisyourwayoftellingmeyouaretryingtochangethesubject?”hecomesbackatme.Ishouldhaveknownhewouldseethroughthedeflect.
“AndhereIwasthinkingIwassosavvy.”Ilaugh.“Willyoutakeamaybe?”Ifinallysay.
“DoIhaveachoice?”Hechuckles.
“Whydon’tyouaskPresleyfirstandseehowshefeels?ThelastthingIwantisforhertobeuncomfortable.”Iclosemyeyesjustsayinghername.TheacheinmychestisalmostasstrongaswhenItoldherIlovedher,which,accordingtoGoogleandthearticleHowtoHealaBrokenHeart,Ishouldalreadybelearningtolivewithit.IalsoshouldpointoutthatI’mstillatstepone,whichistaketimetogrieve.
“You’reagood,goodman,Bennett,”Travissays.
“Gladatleastoneofusthinksso,”Isayandpulloutoftheparkinglot.Mystomachfillswithknots,knowingthatinlessthanthirtyminutes,I’mgoingtoseeher.“Letmeknow.”
“Willdo,”hesays.“Callyoulater.”Hedisconnects.
Imakemywayovertothedoctor’soffice,thewholetimewonderingifmaybeIshouldgethersomethingtodrinkorsomethingtoeat.IdecideagainstitbecauseIdon’twanthertofeellikeI’moverstepping.WhenIpullintotheparkinglot,Ilookaroundforhercar,butIdon’tseeit.Ithinkaboutwaitinginmycarforher,butthenIthinkitmightmakemelooklikeI’mcreepingonher.Gettingoutofthecar,IputthephoneinmyfrontpocketwhileIrollupthesleevestomywhitebutton-downshirt.
IrunmyhandthroughmyhairwhenIstepintothedoctor’soffice.Myeyesscantheroom,andIseethereisonepersontheresittingandreadingamagazine.Thereceptionistlooksupfromherdeskandsmilesatme.“MayIhelpyou?”
“I’mmeetingPresleyBakerhere,”Iexplain,lookingatmywatchandseeingthatI’mtenminutesearly.
“Shehasn’tarrivedyet.”Shesmilesatme.“Ifyouwouldliketotakeaseatandwaitforher.”
“Thankyou,”Isay,noddingtoher.Walkingovertooneofthewaitingroomchairs,Itakethephoneoutofmypocketandsitdown.Iputmyleftankleonmyrightknee,pullinguphernameonmytext.
ThelasttimeItextedherwasSaturday,anditwasjusttocheckinandseeifshewasokay.Sherespondedacoupleofhourslater,tellingmethatshewasfine.Thatwasit.Luckily,Iwasintheoffice,andIhadpeoplearound,soIcouldn’tdwellonit,butI’dbelyingifIsaidthatIdidn’twanttotexthereverydaytoaskherifshewasokay.Theworstthingwithallofthisisthatshewasalsooneofmybestfriends.Itexther,myhandgettingsweatyasItypethemessage.
Me:I’mhere.
Iexhaleadeepbreath,andthephonevibratesinmyhand,andIseeit’sher.
Gorgeous:Onmyway!
IopenInstagramonmyphone,scrollingthroughwhilethefoodinmystomachstartstomovearoundnervously.Mybodyisonfullalertforher.Thedooropens,andIlookup,andeverythinginmealmostdoesasighofreliefwhenIseeher.Shetakesoffhersunglassesandlooksaroundtheroomatme.Ismiletightlyather,mycockalreadyspringingtoactionlikehe’sgoingtobereunitedwithhisbestfriend.Sheholdsupherhandinawaveatme,walkingovertothereceptionist.Herblackhairisperfectlystyledandloose,hershort,ruffle-sleeved,lightpinkone-piecedresssheiswearingflowsaroundherandreachesalmosttoherknees.Thesashatherwaististiedontheside,andsheiswearingagoldwatchononewristandgoldbraceletsontheother.Myeyesroamdowntoherheelsthatareskyhigh,andallthatIcanthinkofisman,she’sfuckinggorgeous.
Shespeakstothereceptionist,andItrytocalmmybreathingandmyheartdown.IwouldbelyingtomyselfifIsaidIwasn’twaitingforthismomentforthepasttwodays.Iplayeditoutoverandoverinmyhead.Theplanwastobenonchalantwithher.Playitcoolandcalm.Meanwhile,insidewasfrenziedandflustered.Sheturnsaroundandcomesmyway,andIseethatherblueeyesaredarkerthantheyusuallyare.IgetupandstopmyselfbeforeI’mabouttoleanoverandkisshercheek.“Hey,”Igreet,waitingforhertositdownbeforeIsitbackdown.
“Hi,”shesays,puttingherpurseonherlapandcrossingherlegs.“Didyougetherewhenyoutexted,orwereyouwaitinglong?”Sheturnstolookatme,andIseeherhandsshakingabit.IwonderifsheisasnervousasIam.
“No.”Ishakemyhead.“JustwhenItexted.”Shenodsatme,andit’sthemostawkwardconversationwe’veeverhad.“Howareyoudoing?”Ialmostgroaninwardlyabouthowcringythatsounds.
“I’mdoinggood,”shesays,andthenursesavesusbycallinghername.Presleygetsup,andIfollowhertothedoctor’soffice.
“Howarewefeeling?”thenurseasksherwhileshewaitsforustowalkintotheroomandfollowsusin.
“Good,”Presleyconfirms.“Abittired.”MynecktingleswhenIhearthis.Isshenotsleepingproperly?Isshestillhavingmorningsickness?Issheeatingproperly?“Ithinkit’smostlyIwasboredstayinghome.”Thisisbrand-newinformationtomeasIthoughtshewasworking.
“It’stotallynormal.Yourbodyisgoingthroughlotsofchanges,”thenursesays.“Ifyouwanttochangeintothegown”—shepointsatthehospitalgownontheexaminingtable—“I’llbebacktotakeyourvitals.”
Ilookaroundtheroom,seeingthatthereisnoroomforhertochange.Thereisadeskinthecornerwithacomputeronit,anexamtable,andanultrasoundmachine.“I’mgoingtowaitoutsidewhileyouchange.”MymouthgoesdryasIpicturehernaked.
“I’llcallyouwhenI’mdone,”shesays,notlookingatme,andIseeherblinkingreallyfast.Ipullopenthedoorandstepoutintothehallway.Iputmyheadonthebrowndoor,closingmyeyesandtryingtotellmyselfthatit’sPresley,andnomatterwhathappens,it’sstilljustus.
“I’mdone,”sheannounces,andIopenthedoor,steppingbackintotheroomintimetoseeherhopontotheexamtable.Herhandsshake,andwhenIlookather,hereyeslooklikeshehasbeencrying.I’mabouttoaskherifeverythingisokay,butthedoctorcomesin.
Imovetotheside,uncertainofwheretoevenstand.Ihatethis.Ihatethatwehavebecomethesetwopeoplewhousedtotalkabouteverythingandnothing,andnowcan’tevensayfivewordstoeachotherwithoutitbeingawkward.
“Afternoon,”thedoctorsays,walkingovertothetableinthecorner.Shemovesthemouseasthecomputerturnson,andshestartstoreadthenotes.“SoIseeyouwenttotheemergencyroomforbleeding?”sheasks,lookingoveratPresley,whojustnodsather.Sheraisesherhandtothecornerofhereyeasshewipesawayatear.Iputmyhandinmypocket,mystomachfillingwithknots.“Howhasitbeensince?”
“I’vebeenfinesince.Noblood,”sheanswersthedoctor.
“Isthereareasonshewasbleeding?”Iaskthedoctor,andshesmilessadlyandshrugshershoulders.
“Itcouldbefromabunchofreasonsornoreasonatall,”shestates,turningtolookoveratthechart.“Thegoodnewsisthatitstopped,andIseethattheyheardtheheartbeat.”Presleysmilesnowwhenthedoctormentionstheheartbeat,andit’sasmilethatlightsupherwholeface.It’sasmilethatmakesmesmile.“Okay,let’sseewhat’sgoingoninthere.”
Presleyliesbackonthetable,andImovetothesideofherbutstayfarenoughawaytonotintrudeonherspace.Icanseethedoctormovethehospitalgownup,andIforcemyselfnottolookather.“Thiswillbecold,”thedoctorsaysasshegrabsthewhitebottleandthensqueezesthegelonPresley’sstomach.
Shegrabsthehandpiece,pickingitupandmovingitaroundPresley’sstomach.Thereinthemiddleofthescreen,Iseethebaby.“Thereisthebaby,”shesays,andIcan’thelpbutsmileasIlookdownatPresley,whohasonehandoverherheadandtheotherhandholdingthehospitalgownupinthemiddleofherchest.Sheisn’tjustsmiling.Sheisbeamingasshewatchesourchildfloataround,goingsidetoside.
“It’ssostrangethatIcan’tfeelanyofthatmovement,”shesayssoftly.
“Itusuallyhappensataroundeighteentotwentyweeksdepending,”thedoctorsaysassheclicksbuttonsonthemachine.Shemovesupanddownonherstomach,sidetoside,andthenshepressesabutton,andyouhearthesoundofswishingnow.“That’sastrongheartbeat.Onehundredandforty-twobeatsaminute.”Shepressesmorebuttons,andthemachinespitsoutsomething.
“Isthatanormalheartbeat?”Iask.“Orisittoohigh?”
“Itvariesfromonehundredandtentoonehundredandsixty,dependingonthechild,”sheanswersme.
ShetakesthewandoffPresley,wipingoffherstomachandthenthemachinebeforesheturnsthelightsbackon.Presleysitsupnow,lettinghergownfalldown.“Herearesomemorepictures.”ShehandsthemtoPresley,whojustlooksdownatthem.“Doyouhaveanyquestionsforme?”thedoctorsays,rollingbacktothedeskandtypingthingsin.
“Ihaveaquestion.”IholdupmyhandasifI’minschoolandtakeoutmyphone.
“Yeah,youcanstillhavesex.”Thedoctorlaughs,andIchucklenervouslyatthatcomment.
“Thatwasn’tthequestion,butgoodtoknow.”InodatherandlookoveratPresley,whojustrollsherlips.“Iwasreadingonlinethatwiththebleeding,thepregnancycouldbeahighrisk?”
“FromwhatIsee,Idon’tthinkso,”thedoctorsays.“Butit’sstilltooearlytotell.Myadviceistolistentoyourbody.”SheturnstolookatPresley.“Ifyourbodyissayingyouaretired,sitdownandrest.Ifyouhavealltheenergyandwanttotakeawalk,thendothat.”
“Goodtoknow,”Presleysays,puttingherhandonherstomach.“I’vebeenstayingoffmyfeeteversincethehospital,onlygoingintoworktwiceaweekbutmainlyjustsitting.”
“Youaredoingeverythingyouneedtodo.”Thedoctorgetsup.“I’llseeyouinamonth,andifyouhaveanyquestions,youcancallme.”Shewalksoutoftheroom,andIlookbackatPresley.
“Areyouokay?”Iask,andshenodsherhead.
“It’sstillcrazythatthebabymovessomuch,andIdon’tevenfeelanything.”Shelaughs.“EvenifIputmyhandonmystomach,Idon’tevenfeelaflutter.”Shegetsdownofftheexamtable.“Hereyougo.”Shehandsmethepictures.Ourfingersgrazeeachother,andittinglesallupmyarm.IlookathertoseeifsheisasaffectedasIam.Butsheturnsawayjustasquickly.“YoucanlookatthemwhileIchange.”Chapter22
Presley
“Hereyougo,”Isay,gettingofftheexamtableandhandinghimthepicturesoftheultrasound.Ourfingersgrazeeachother,anditalmostfeelslikeanelectricshockrunsthroughmybody.Iquicklymovemyhandawayandturnsohedoesn’tseethetearsthatforminmyeyes.“YoucanlookatthemwhileIchange,”Isaysoftly,lookingovertomydressthatIhunguponthehook.
“I’llwaitforyououtside,”hesays,andIwaituntilthesoundofthedoorclicksshutbehindhimbeforeIwalkovertothechairandsitdown.Mybreathingiscominginpantsnow.
“Fuck,fuck,fuck,”IsayoverandoveragainasIcounttotwenty,andwhenthatdoesn’twork,Icounttofifty.EversinceIwalkedintothisofficeandsawhim,mywholebodyhasbeenonhighalert.It’sbeenovertwoweekssinceI’veseenhim,andIthoughtforsureitwouldn’tbothermeasmuchasitdidthelasttime,butIwaswrong.Thepainwas,infact,evenworsethanbefore,whichIdidn’tthinkwashumanlypossible.Howcouldyouhurtmorethanyoudidbefore?ThereweredayswhenIfeltlikesomeonebeattheshitoutofme.Everysingleboneinmybodyhurt.EverysinglestepthatItookfeltheavierandheavier.Theonlythingthatkeptmegoingwasthebaby.Itwastheonlyjoyinmylife.Iwouldspendhoursonlinesearchingaboutthingshappeningatthistime.
Igetup,makingmywayovertomydressthatIworejustforhim.MyhandshakeswhenItakeitdownandputitovermyhead.Tyingthesasharoundmywaist,thesmalllittlestomachthathasstartedtocomeoutismakingituncomfortableformetobuttonmypants,soI’moftenindresses.IsmileasIputmyhandonmystomach.“Helovesyousomuch,”Ican’thelpbutsayasIwipethelonetearthatcomesoutofmyeye.EverysingletimeImisshim,Itellthebabyhowmuchhelovesherorhim.Whichhappensabouttentimesanhouratthispoint.Duringonenightofrestlessness,IgotsoinmyheadthattheheartacheIwasfeelingwouldbebreakingthebaby’sheart,soIspentfivehourslookingifthiscouldorwouldactuallyhappen.
Igrabmypurse,notevenbotheringtolookatmyselfinthemirror.Ifanything,I’lljustblameitonhormones.I’vebeenusingthisexcuseforthepasttwoweeks,andI’msuremysistersarereadytocallmeoutonit.WhenIpullopenthedoor,I’msurprisedtoseehimleaningagainstthewall,waitingformewhilehelooksatthepicturesinhishand.“Oh,”Isay.“Ididn’tthinkyouwouldbehere.”
Hiseyebrowsshoottogether.“WhereelsewouldIbe?”
“Idon’tknow,”Ireply,walkingout.“Ithoughtyouwouldbeinthewaitingroom,”Imumble.Istopandmakeanotherappointment,andhetakesouthisphonetoputitinhiscalendar.Hegetsapairofscissorsfromthereceptionistandcutshispictureoff,handingmeone.
“IthinkI’mgoingtogetoneframeforeachmonth,”hesaysaswewalkout,andIcan’thelpbutsmileandlookoverathim.“That’snottoomuch,right?”
“I’vealreadystartedtheultrasoundmontageonthebedroomwall,”Iadmittohimasourwalkingslowsdownthecloserwegettoourcars.“Thisisme,”Isay,pointingatthecar.
“Oh,yeah,”herepliesandlooksasifhewantstosaysomething,butinstead,henodsatme.“Letmeknowifyouneedanything.”
“Willdo,”Isay,swallowingthelumpandwalkingovertomycar.Idon’tbotherlookingtoseeifhegotinhiscarasIdriveaway.Ithinkaboutgoinghome,butifIdothat,I’lljustbesittinginthemiddleofthecouch,soinstead,Iheadtotheoffice.
IparknexttoClarabella’scarandwalkinside.IcanhearthemtalkingasIwalkdownthehallway.“Hola,”Isay,tryingtobeaschipperasIcanasIstickmyheadintoClarabella’soffice.SeeingShelbyislyingdownonhercouchwithherhandonherhead.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Clarabellaasksme,andIglareather.
“LastIchecked”—Ilookaround—“Iworkhere.”
“Didn’tyouhaveadoctor’sappointment?”Shelbyopenshereyesandlooksoveratme.
“Ijustcamefromthere,andthedoctorsaidthatIneedtolistentomybody.”Isitinoneoftheemptychairs.“Somybodysaidtocometowork.”
“WasBennettthere?”Clarabellaasksassheleansbackinherchair.
“Well,heisthefather,soyes,hewasthere,”Iconfirm,ignoringthewaymystomachflipsandflopswhenIthinkabouthim.TheminuteIsawhim,Icouldn’tevenmove.Helookedevenmorehandsomethanhedidthelasttime,andIdidn’tthinkitwaspossible.Hissleeveswererolledupliketheyalwaysare,andmyeyesstaredatthem,thinkingaboutthetimesheusedtoholdme.Itookhimforgranted.
“Didyoutellhimhowyoufelt,orareyoustilladumbass?”Clarabellaasksme,andallIcandoisflipherthebird.
“Whatwereyouguystalkingabout?”Ichangethesubject,andshejustsnickersatme.
“Whenareyougoingtobeabletomeetwithclients?”Shelbyhuffsasshenowgetsupfromlyingdown.“Idon’tknowhowmuchlongerIcandothis.”Shecloseshereyes,andnowit’smyturntolaugh.
“Whathappened?”IaskandlookatClarabella,whojustshakesherheadandlaughs.
“Imetwithacoupletodaywhogotengagedafterthreeweeks.”Shelbyputsbothhandsup.“Ihavefoodinmyfridgeolderthanthatrelationship.”Sheshakesherhead.“Anyway,theyarewalkingaroundthevenue,andtheguydecidesthattodayatthismoment,whilechoosinghowtheywouldputtables,toaskherwhathernumberis.”
“IfIwasthere,Iwouldhavetoldhernottoanswer,”Clarabelladeadpans.
Igasp.“Didsheactuallyanswer?”MyeyesgobigasIlookatShelby,whorollsherlipsandnodsherhead.
“Shewasn’ttheproblem,”Shelbysays.“Shelaughedathimandwaslikesix,andshethoughtshewastheonewiththehighnumber.”
“OhmyGod.”Myhandgoestomymouth.
“Yeah,butturnsouthe’soveronehundred.Hestoppedcounting,apparently,becauseafteronehundred,it’sredundant!”Shelbyshares,andallIcandoisstareatherwhileClarabellalaughs.
“Sotheyaren’tgettingmarried?”Iask,andthisiswhenClarabellastartstoslapherdeskinafitoflaughter.
“No,”Shelbysays.“Shethoughtitwasthemostromanticthingintheworldthathewouldchooseherforever.”
“Damn,”Isay.“Isn’titlikearuletonevertellyournumber?”
“ItoldLuke,”Clarabellasays.“Itwasmorethanfive.”
“Imean,Aceknewbeforewegotmarried,”Shelbydeclaresandthentiltsherheadtotheside.“Why?What’syournumber?”
“Um,”Isay,thinkingaboutlyingtothembutknowingthattheywouldprobablyseerightthroughme.
“OhmyGod,”Clarabellasays.“Youdirtydog.”
“Hardly,”Isay,bracingmyself.“One.”TheminuteIsaythenumber,youcouldhearafuckingpindrop.
“You’relying!”That’sthefirstthingClarabellashoutstome,andIshakemyhead.
“Howisthatpossible?”Shelbygasps.“YouwereonTinder.”
“So?”Isnap.“NoteveryonethatgoesonTinderisthereforsex.”
“So,youwentoutondates,”Clarabellasays.
“Idid,butthatdidn’tmeanIhadtosleepwiththem.”Igetupnow.
“You’readumbass,”Shelbysays,gettingup.“Youspentthepasttwelveyearssleepingwithonemanwhoyouarenowhavingachildwith,andyou’regoingtotellmethatyoudon’thaveanyfeelingsforhim.”
“Ofcourse,Ihavefeelingsforhim,”Isay,swallowing.Ilovehim,myheadscreams.“ButIalsoknowthathewantsthewholepackagewithawhitepicketfenceandJuneCleaverinthekitchen.”Iignorethestingthatstartsinmyeyes.“Soitiswhatitis.NowI’mgoingtogoandseeifIcangetsomethingtoeat.”
Iturntowalkout.“OryoucantextBennettandaskhimtogooutandeatwithyouandtellhim.”Idon’tevenlistentotherestofwhatShelbyhastosaybeforeshefinisheshersentence.
EverysingleSaturdaylikeclockwork,thephonerings,andIseehisname.Andeverysinglesecondafterthatforthenextthreedays,Ican’tgetmyheadtogether.It’sonlyonthethirdSaturdaythatthereisnotext,andIknowthatit’sbecausewearebothgoingtobeatCharlotte’sbirthdayparty.
Ispendwaytoomuchtimepickingoutmyoutfit,makingsurethatmymakeupisperfect,andwhenIsliponthedarkbluesleevelessA-linecottondress,Ismile.IwanttotellmyselfthatI’msmilingbecauseI’mgoingtoseethefamilytoday,butdeepdown,IknowI’msmilingbecauseI’mgoingtoseeBennett.Ialsoignorethethoughtofhimsittingdownandtalkingtome.
IparkmycarandgetthegiftfromthetruckwhenHarlow’sbrother,Reed,walksoutthefrontdoor.“Heythere,”hesays,holdinguphishandtowaveatmeashesmiles.“MyfathersentmeoutheretograbthegiftandtoldmethatifIdidn’ttakeitfromyou,he’sgoingtokickmyass.”
Ican’thelpbutlaugh.“Well,aren’tyouagentleman,”Isay,kissinghischeekwhenhecomescloser.“Howareyou?”Iaskashegrabstheboxfromme,andwewalkupthesteps.
AssoonasIstepfootinsidethehouse,Iseethechaos.Therehastobeoverfiftypeoplehere.“Whydidn’twedothisatthevenue?”IaskTraviswhenheseesme.
“Wewantedanintimateaffair.”Herollshiseyes.“Bytheway,”hesaysandlooksdown,andIcanseethathe’snervousaboutsomething.“Ijustwantedtogiveyouaheads-upthatBennettiscoming.”
Ilaugh.“Iwouldassumeso.He’syourbestfriend.”
“Hemightalsobringsomeone,”hesays,andmywholebodyturnstoice.Mystomachsinkstomyfeet,andIfeeltinglesrunningallthroughmybody.IalsothinkI’mgoingtobesick.“Icantellhimnottocome.”
“No.”IshakemyheadandputthebiggestfakesmileonmyfaceI’veeverput.“It’sfine.”Ilookaround.“I’mgoingtogoandseeifIcanfindMom.”Hetakesonelookatmeandletsmego.IfIstayedthereanylonger,Imighthaveburstintotears.
Iwalkoutofthehousetowardthebackyard,andtheonlythinggoingthroughmyheadisgettingthefuckoutofhere.Ilookdownandwalktothesideofthefence,hopingnoonestopsme.I’lljusttextClarabellaandtellherthatIwasn’tfeelingwell.
TheminuteIescapetheyardwithoutbeingseen,Iwalktowardmycar.Myheadisbent,andIdon’tevenseehimbeforeIcomeface-to-facewithhimandhisdate.Chapter23
Bennett
“Areyousurethisisokay?”Clarissaasksfrombesidemeaswewalkonthegrasstowardthebackyard.
“Ofcourse.”Ismileoverather.“Icalledaheadandaskedjusttomakesure.”Ilookdownandthenlookupagain,andIseeherwalkingtowardme.MyheartstopsinmychestwhenIseeher,justlikeeverysingletime.Shedoesn’tseemewatchingherasshemakesherwayclosertome.Ittakesacoupleofsecondsbeforeshelooksup,andIseethathereyesareadarkerblue.Usually,whensomethingisbotheringher,theyturnthatcolor.“Hey.”Iholdupmyhandaswegetcloseenough.
“Hi.”SheputsonthefakestsmilethatI’veeverseenonher.
“Wereyouleaving?”Iask,lookingatherwithherpurseinherhand.
“Oh,no.”Sheshakesherhead.“Forgotmyphoneinthecar.”
“Doyouwantmetogogetit?”Ipointbackathercarwithmythumb.
Sheshakesherheadagain.“No,that’sokay.”Shelooksdown.“Youshouldgointhere.”Neitherofussaysanythingelse,anditgetssuperawkward.Idon’twanttowalkawayfromher.Iwashopingthatsinceweweregoingtobeseeingeachother,wewouldsitdownandtalk.
“Hi,”ClarissainterruptsusandextendsherhandtoPresley.“I’mClarissa,”shesays,smiling.
“I’mPresley,”Presleyresponds,extendingonehand,andIseethatthehandthatisholdingherpurse,herknucklesarewhite.“Nicetomeetyou.”SheshakesClarissa’shandforacoupleofseconds.“Ifyouwillexcuseme,Iwanttogetbackintherebeforetheyrunoutoffood.”
Myeyebrowspinchtogetheratthiscommentbecausethereisnowaythatanyoftheirpartieswillrunoutoffood.Ever.PresleyavoidsmakingeyecontactwithmeasshewalksaroundClarissaandgoestohercar.Itakeanextrasecondtowatchher,andifitwasuptome,Iwouldwaitforhertogotohercarandcomeback,butClarissasays,“Shallwegetinthere?”Ilookbackather
“Yes.”Inodmyheadandturntowalkintothebackyard.Theminutethegateopens,showingmetheparty,mymouthalmosthitsthefloor.Therehavetobeaboutfourorfivebouncythingssetupwithkidsrunningallovertheplace.Therearenotonebutthreebarbecuessetupsidebysideontheothersideoftheyard.ThereisalsoasmalltentedareawhereIseeHarlow’sgrandparentssitting.Hergrandfatheristhepictureofacowboy.Ihavenevereverseenhimwithouthishaton.Evenattheirwedding,heworeit.Alsoonelookfromhimwhenhe’smad,andyouknowthathe’llwhipyourass.
“Nowthisisabirthdayparty.”Clarissalaughsfrombesideme,andsheisnotwrong.
“Obviously,it’sa‘gobigorgohome’situation.”IchuckleasmyeyesroamaroundtheyardtoseeifIseeTravisorHarlowanywhere.Ialsostandclosetothegate,secretlywaitingforPresleytocomebacktomakesuresheisokay.ButClarissastartstowalkfartherintotheyard,andIhavetofollowher.
“Thereyouare,”IhearfromthesideandseeTraviswalkingovertome.“Waswonderingwhenyouwouldgethere,”hesayswithhislipstightbetweenhisclenchedteeth.
Ifoldmyarmsovermychest.“Youjustwantedsomeoneinyourcorner.”
Hescoffsatme.“No.”Heshakeshishead.“IhaveBilly.”HemotionswithhisheadtowardHarlow’sgrandfather.“AndI’msureOliviawouldn’tletthemshootme.”
“Clarissa,”Iintroduce,lookingoverather.“Thisismybestfriend,Travis.”
“Nicetomeetyou,”Clarissasaystohim.
“Didyougetsomethingtodrink?”Travisasksus.
“Wejustgothere,”Isay,andIlookaround,tryingtoseeifPresleycamebackin.“I’llgoandgetsomethingtodrink.”Imaketheexcusetogetaway.“Whatdoyouwanttodrink?”IaskClarissa.
“Awaterisfine,”shesays,andInodather.
“Whateveryoudo.”Ileaninandtrytowhisper,butwithsomanypeopleherethereisnosuchthingaswhispering.“Don’tdrinkthesweettea.”
Travislaughs.“ThatsweetteaishowIsleptwithHarlowonmywould-beweddingnight.”
Ishakemyhead.“YoucanexplainthattoClarissa,”Isay,laughingasIwalkthroughtheyardandmakingmywayinsidetoseeifmaybesheisthere.
AssoonasIstepinside,Iseeevenmorepeople.IknewHarlowhadabigfamily,buthavingthemalltogetherisoverthetop.Izigzagthroughsomanypeople,finallyseeingHarlow.“Hey,haveyouseenPresley?”Iask,lookingaroundtoseeifsheissittingsomewhere,andIdon’tseeher.
“Shewenttothebathroom,”shesaystome,andshe’sabouttosaysomethingelsewhensomeonecallshername.“Shit,”shesays,rushingawayfromme.
Iwalktothebathroomandseethedoorclosed.I’mmentallydecidingifIstaybythebathroomlikeaPeepingTomorjustgobacktothelivingroomandwaitwhenthedoorispulledopen.Shegaspswhensheseesmestandinghere.“OhmyGod,youscaredtheshitoutofme,”shesays,andIlovewhatsheiswearing.Theblueofthedressmakeshereyespopevenmore.
“Sorry.”Ismileather.“Iwasjustseeingifyouwereokay.”Theechoingofmyheartbeatingisnowfillingmyears.Mystomachfeelslikeit’smovingtomythroat.“Ididn’ttextyoutoday.”Myheadisyellingatmetoshutthefuckup,butmymouthisdecidingthattodayisagooddaytohavewordvomit.“IknowIusuallytextyou,butIfiguredsincewewouldbehere,itwouldbebettertoaskyouinperson.”Iwasalsowonderingifyouwantedtositdownandtalk,Iwanttoadd,butIdon’t.
“Thebabyisfine,”shesays,lookingatme,andIcanseethatherwallsareup.Hereyesaregivingmenothing,buttheylookalittlered.
“Okay,thatisgoodtoknow,”Isay,puttingmyhandsinmypocketsbeforeIdosomethingstupidlikewrapmyarmaroundherwaistandkissherjustlikeI’vebeendreamingaboutforthepastfuckingmonth.“ButIwasaskingifyouareokay?”
“I’mtotallyokay.”Sheswallows.“Youshouldgetbacktoyourdate.”
IjuststareatherasIletherwordsreplayinmyheadtwice.“Notthatit’sanyofyourbusiness.”MyheartbreakssayingthatbecauseIwantittobeherbusiness.Iwanthertofuckingcare.“Butshe’sjustafriend.”IturnandwalkawaybeforeIsaysomethingIwillregret.
Igrabacoupleofwaterbottlesandwalkoutofthehouse.IlookaroundforClarissabutseethatshe’stalkingtoHarlow’scousins.Iwalkovertooneofthechairsatthefarsidewherenooneisatandsitdown.IputmyheadbackandclosemyeyesasIexhale.“Whatareyoudoing,hidingout?”IhearTravisandlookuptoseehimwalkingtowardme.
“No,”Ideny,shakingmyhead.“Just…”Iputthewaterbottlesdownbymyfeetandthenleanmyelbowsonmyknees.“It’sjustfucking…”Ican’tevensaythewords.Theyallgetstuckinmythroat.“I’mdyinginside,”Ifinallysaytohim,andIreallyfuckingwishthatIwasn’thererightnow.“Everyfuckingday,IexpectmyfeelingsforPresleytogetweaker,butthenIseeher,andit’sjustsomuchstronger.”Thetightnessinmychestmakesitevenharderformetobreathe.
“Idon’tknowwhattosay,”hesayssoftly,andIlookoverathim.“IwishIhadtheanswerforyou.”
“Well,well,well,”IhearandlookoverandseeClarabellaandShelbycomingourway.“Whatareyoutwodoing?”Shelbyasks.
“Justenjoyingtheparty.”Traviscoversformeasthetwoofthemnowstandinfrontofme.
“Ihavetosay.”Clarabellaglaresatme.“Tookballstobringadatetoday.”
“Adate?”Isayagain,confused.“She’snotmydate.”Ishakemyhead.“Wewenttoschooltogether.She’smyco-workerfromoutoftown.Shewassupposedtogobackhometoherhusbandyesterday,butthatchanged”Ilookatbothofthemastheystareatmewiththeirmouthshangingopennow.“Wearefinalizingthemergertomorrow,soshestayed,andinsteadofleavingherallaloneinahotelroom,Iinvitedherhere.”
“Soyou’renotdatingher?”Shelbyasksjustforclarification,andIcan’thelpbutstareatherdumbfounded.
“Didyoumissthepointwheresheisgoingbackhometoherhusband?”Iglareather.“WhythehellwouldIbringafuckingdatehere?”Ithrowmyhandsupinfrustration.
“Well,Idon’tknow.”Clarabellarollshereyes.“Maybebecauseyoucan,”shehuffs.“MaybetomakePresleyseethatyou’vemovedon.”
“Yeah,movedon,”Isaysarcastically.“I’vemovedoninwhat,amonth.”
“Whatthehellwerewesupposedtothink?”Shelbyshrieks.“Youshowupwithawoman.Weassumethatthisisadate.”
“Soyouguysthink,notonlyamIdatingafterbeinginlovewithyoursisterfor—Idon’tknow—almostmywholelife,thatI’mgoingtobringherheretoyourfamily’sparty.”Iglareatbothofthem.“Wow.”
“IwanttogoontherecordassayingIknewhewouldn’tdoit,”Traviscutsin,andIside-eyehim.
“Iwouldneverdothattoher,”Isaysoftly.
“Shejust…”Shelbysayssoftly.“She’sworkingitout.”
“Butisshe?”Iask,gettingup.“Becausesheseemstobefine.”
“Shejustneedsspace,”Clarabellaexplains,andIsnap.“Shecaresforyou.”
“Oh,goody,”Isay,clappingmyhands.“Shecaresforme.JustwhatIwantedtohear.”
“Okay,maybethatwasn’ttherightwordtouse,”Shelbyhisses,lookingatClarabella.
“Youknowwhat?Noneofthisisright.”Iholdupmyhand.“Nothingaboutthisisright.”Ibenddownandgrabthebottlesofwater.“Nowifyouguyswillexcuseme,Ihavetogobacktomyfriend.”Ilookathersisters.“Notmydate.”
Theybothfoldtheirarmsovertheirchestsandrolltheireyes.“Suddenly,he’sacomedian.”
“Whatever,”Ihuffandstarttowalkawaybeforeturning.“Also,cansomeonegoandmakesuresheisokay?”
“Whodoyouwantustocheckon?”Clarabellarollsherlips.“Yourbabymommaoryourdate?”
Travissnickers,andallIcandoisflipherthebirdasIturnandwalkaway.“Weloveyou!”Clarabellashouts.
“Great,”Imumbleundermybreath.“Well,atleastoneofyoudoes,”Isay,makingmywayovertoClarissaandforcingmyselfnottolookaroundforher.Thewholetime,allIcandoishearhersister’svoiceplayoverandoverinmyhead.“Shecaresforyou.”Chapter24
Presley
Isitinthechairinthebackyard,countingdowntheminutesuntilIcanleavewithoutitbeingobviousthatI’mleavingbecauseI’muncomfortablewithBennettbringingadate.
IlookoverandseeHarlowchattingwithClarissa.Mystomachburns,andIbringthebottleofwatertomylips,wishingitwassomethingstronger.TheminuteIwasintroducedtoher,Iwantedtogetthefuckoutofthere.ForgetthatIsatinthecarforfiveminutestalkingmyselfoutofit.
WhatdidIdo?Itoldmyselffuckhim,thisismyfamily,andthenwalkedinandwenttothebathroom,whereIcriedabitandthenmadesureIlookedsemiokaybeforeopeningthedoor.IalmostshitmyselfwhenIsawhim.SeeinghimstandingthereinhisblackjeansandthecottonT-shirtwithhisarmsshowingjusthadeverythinginsidemelightup.AllIwantedwastojumpintohisarms.AllIwantedwashislipsonmine.AllIwantedwasforhimtobemine.Buthewasmovingon.
“Areyousulking?”Clarabellacomesoverandsitsnexttome.FollowedbyShelby,whositsontheothersideofme.
“Thisiscalledrelaxing,”Iinformthem,takingasipofthewater.“Andstayingoffmyfeet.”
“Icallitiflookscouldkill,”ShelbysaysandmotionswithherchintowardClarissawhohasfitinwitheveryone.Shesmiles,laughs,andshe’spretty.Ihateher.
“I’mnotlookingatanything.”Iturnmyhead,lookingattheotherside.
“Youwantedthis,”Shelbyremindsme,andImakeamistakeoflookingattheothersideandseeingBennettsittingwiththeguys.HesitsinthemiddlewithTravisononesideandAceontheotherside.LukesitsnexttoAce.Acesayssomething,andthefourofthemlaugh,andIcan’thelpthelonetearthatescapesmyeye.“Youwantedhimtobefree.”
“Yes,”Isay,swallowingthelumpinmythroat.“Well,nowhe’smovedonobviously.”Iholdupmyhand.IwatchedClarissa’sfacewhenIsaidmynametoseeiftherewasaflickertherethatsheknewwhoIwas,buttherewasnothing.ShewasoblivioustowhoIwas,andIjusthadmorequestionsinmyhead.Didhenotmentionthebaby?Didhenotmentionthathewaswithmeforsolong?Didhispastnotcomeup?Howlonghavetheybeentogether?Didtheydatewhenhewasincollege?Havetheydatedbefore?Iwasmakingmyselfliterallysickwithallofthesequestions,andallIwantedtodowasgohomeandbeinthesafetyofmyhouse.
“Youaresofullofshit,”Clarabellasnaps.“Youcan’teventrytotellmethatthisdoesn’tbugyou.”Idon’tanswerherbecauseIcan’t.Thelumpinmythroatissobigthatnothingwillcomeout.“Youcan’ttellmethathimbeingherewithanotherwomandoesn’tbugyou.”
“Oneday,heisreallygoingtomoveon,”Shelbysays,andIlookoveratherconfused.“Andthenwhat?”
I’mabouttoanswerherwhenIseemymothercomingovertous.Thesmileonherfaceisanythingbutfriendly.It’salmostasifit’saglare.“Oh,fuck,”Shelbysayswhenshefinallyseesourmother.“ThatsmileisthesameoneshehadonwhenClarabellaranawayfromherwedding.”
“Ididn’tfuckingrun,”Clarabelladefendsbetweenclenchedteeth.“Ileftquickly.”
“Sothisiswhereyouare?”Mymotherlooksaroundtomakesurenooneisaroundusbeforethesmiledisappearsoffherface.“Whatareyoudoing?”
“Whatdoesitlooklikeshe’sdoing?”Shelbyanswersher.“She’strainingtobeanOlympicathleteingymnastics.”Sherollshereyes.“Obviously.”
“You,”mymothersaysbetweenclenchedteeth,“gomakesureyourhusbandisokay.”
“He’sfine,”Shelbysays.“He’ssittingwiththeotherhusbandsandPresley’sbabydaddy.”Iswearifsteamcouldcomeoutofmymother’sears,nowwouldbethetime.
“Howcanyouallowthistohappen?”Mymotherlooksatmeforasecondbeforeturningandsmilingatpeoplesheseeslookingatus.
“HowcanIallowwhattohappen?”Iask.Todayhasbeenaday,andI’memotionallywornout.I’mmentallyexhausted,andtotopitalloff,Ijustwanttositdownandcry.
“Hebringstheserandomwomentoevents,”shesayswithasmileandthroughclenchedteeth.
“Oh,God,Mom,”Shelbygroans.
“He’sneverbroughtawomantoanyevent,”Clarabellasays,andIjustlookoverather.“Excepttoday,but…”
“Butnothing,”mymothersays.“Howareyougoingtofeelwhenheparadesthesewomeninfrontofyourchild?”
“Consideringthatmychildiscurrentlyinmyuterusandhasnoconceptofanythingthatishappeninghere.”Idoacirclewithmyhand.“I’mgoingtosaythatfornowit’sfine.”
“Whataboutwhenhegetsseriouswithagirl?”mymothersays,andmystomachgetstight.“Thenwhat?”
“Mom,shedoesn’tcare.”Shelbyrepeatsmywords,andIwanttosnapather.“Thisiswhatshewants.”
No,it’snot.Ialmostscream,butinsteadIgetup.“Mom”—Ikisshercheek—“thankyouforlookingoutforme.”Iblinkawaythetears.“Butlet’snotjumpthegun.Thismightbetheirfirstdate.”
“Ormaybenot,”Shelbysays.
“I’mgoingtoheadout,”Irespond.“WillyouguystellTravisandHarlowgoodbyeforme?”
Clarabellagetsup.“I’llcomewithyou.”
“No.”Ishakemyhead.“Idon’twanttodrawtoomuchattentiontomyself.”
“Willyoucallmewhenyougethome?”Shelbyasks,gettingup,andInodather.
Iturntohugmymother.“Thanksforlookingoutforme,Mom.”Iputmyheadonhershoulder.“Andformakingmemyfavoritechickenpotpietomorrow.”
“Ohhh,Iwantsomeofthatalso,”Shelbysays.“I’mcoming.”
“It’sSunday,”Clarabellasays.“Youguysknowthatit’smyspecialtime.”
“Ican’tbelieveyoustilldonakedSunday.”Ishakemyhead.“Youaremarriedtohimandgotosleepwithhimeverynight.”
“Itkeepstheromancealive.”Sheshrugs,andIlaugh,puttingmyheaddownandwalkingupthestepstothehouse.Istepinside,countingdownthesecondsuntilIcangrabmypurseandescapefromthis.Iquietlywalkoutofthehouseandheadtomycar,notlettingoutthatsighofreliefuntilI’mfinallydrivingawayfromthehouse.
Parkingthecarinthedriveway,Igrabmypurseandmakemywayinside.DroppingeverythingonthefloorassoonasIwalkin,Ikickoffmyshoesandgotothefridge.MyhandsnatchestheapplejuiceasIwalkovertogetaglass.Idon’tknowwhatitisbuteversinceIfoundoutIwaspregnant,it’stheonlythingIwanttodrink.Italsohastobecoldandcrisp,pouringtheglassalmosttothetopbeforeturningandwalkingovertothecouch.
Itakeasipbeforesittingdownandturningonthetelevision.Thisismylifenow,IthinkasIcurlmyfeetunderme.I’mscrollingNetflixwhenIfeelalittleflutterinmystomach,andIstop.“Ifeltthat,”Isaytotheemptyroom,myheartspeedingupfaster.Itakeanothersipoftheapplejuice,andithappensagain.Ijustsqueal.“OhmyGod,thebabyismoving,andIfeelit.”Igetup,andmyfirstthoughtistocallBennett,butIstopmyself.
“Whataboutwhenhegetsseriouswithagirl?”Mymother’svoicereplaysinmyhead.“Thenwhat?”
Isitbackdown,puttingmyhandonmystomach.
“Youwantedthis.”Shelby’svoicenowreplays.“Youwantedhimtobefree.”
“Youaresofullofshit.”Clarabella’svoicecutsin.“Youcan’teventrytotellmethatthisdoesn’tbugyou.Youcan’ttellmethathimbeingherewithanotherwomandoesn’tbugyou.”
Iputmyheadbackonthecouch,playingthewholenightoverandoveragaininmyhead.Idon’tknowwhenIgetupandwalkupstairs,butIknowthenextmorningwhenIwalkdownthestairs,thereisonlyonedecisionleftforme.Iwalktomyphoneandthenwalkovertothekitchenisland.
Me:Canyoucallmewhenyouhaveaminute?Everythingisfine;justwantedtoaskyousomething.
IpresssendbeforeIchickenoutandplaceitonthecounterinfrontofme.Myeyeswatchittoseeifhe’sreadit.Iwaittoseethethreelittledotscomeup,andtheydon’t.Maybehe’swithClarissa?ThethoughtalonemakesmephysicallyillasIruntothebathroomandthrowup.
Turningonthecoldwater,Iwashmyfacebeforewalkingbackout.Grabbingthephone,Itextmysisters.
Me:EmergencyCode,whatever,getyourasstoMom’shouse.Clarabella,wearclothes.
AssoonasIsendthetext,Iturnandrunupthestairs,grabbinganothersummerdress.Thisoneisababy-bluefloralhaltertop.Ithasanelasticwaistandgoesdowntomyankles.IcanhearmyphonepingingdownstairswhileIbrushmyteeth.Isliponthebrownflip-flops,andmyheartspeedsupwhenIpickupmyphone,wonderingifBennettansweredmeback,butIseeit’sjustmysisters.
Clarabella:I’malreadydressedandoutthedoor.
Shelby:Whatdoyoumeancodewhatever?Therearecolorsforareason.
Clarabella:ItmustbealmostdireifsheisaskingustomeetheratMom’shouse.
Shelby:Thisistrueunlessit’sanambush.
Clarabella:Anambushforwhat?
Shelby:Shemightwantustohaveakidwithher.
Clarabella:Youthinktheyaregoingtostealyoureggsandovaries?
Ican’tevenwithmysisters,soIjustshakemyhead.
Me:JustmeetmeatMom’s.Noonewantsanyone’seggs.Ineedhelp.
Ipresssend,walkingtothedoorasthephonevibratesinmyhand.
Shelby:She’sdying,shehastobe.She’sneveraskedforhelp.
Clarabella:OhmyGod,maybesheneedsakidney.Idon’tknowifIcangiveheroneofmine.Whatifmykidsneedit?
Shelby:Nowyou’rehavingakid.
Clarabella:Well,notthisminute,butwhatiftheyneedoneandIdon’thaveit?
Idon’tevenbotheransweringtherestofthetexts;Ijustgettomymother’shouse.Iwalkinsideandfindherinthekitchen.“You’reearly,”shesaysassherollsoutthedoughforthepotpie.“Whathappened?”
“I’mgoingtowaituntil…”I’mstartingtosaywhenthedooropens.
“I’mhere,”Shelbysaysandthenthedooropensagain.
“I’mherewithallmyorgans,”Clarabellasays.“AndI’mnotsharing.”Theybothwalkintothekitchen.“Mom,youcan’tmakemeshare.”
“Whatthehellareyouguystalkingabout?”mymothersays,confused.“Whyareyouallhere?”
“Itoldthemtocome,”Iexplain,andnowIcan’tevenstayputasIstarttopacethekitchen.“Idon’tknowhowtosaythis.”Ishakemyhands,thenervesmakingthemshake.
“Shedoesneedakidney.”ShelbyleansinandwhisperstoClarabella.
“Idon’tneedakidney!”Ishout,throwingupmyhands.“IthinkI’minlovewithBennett!”Ishout,andthewholeroomgoessilent.Idon’teventhinkthey’rebreathing.Ilookatmysisterswholookatme,andthentomymother,whoseeyeslookliketheyaregoingtocomeoutofherhead.IamsonervousthatIputmyhandtomystomach,andIfeellikeI’mabouttothrowupagain.
“Noshit,”Clarabellasays,shakingherhead.“Igotdressedforthis?”
“OhmyGod,”mymothersays,puttingherhandsonhercheeks.
Shelbyslapsherarm.“IthinkwhatClarabellameanttosaywaswow,thisisgreatnews.Butnowthequestionis,whatareyougoingtodoaboutit?”
IlookdownatthefloorandthenIlookup.“Ihavenofuckingclue.”Chapter25
Bennett
Theconferenceroomisfull.Everysinglechairistakenasweworkthroughthemerger.Bottlesofwaterarealloverthetable,andmyneckiskillingmefromstayinginthesamespotforthepasttenhours.Ilookupandseeallofthetiredfaces.“Weareinthehomestretch,people.”Theyalllookupatme.“Whydon’twetaketen?”
TherearesomanysighsofreliefwhenIsaythat,ittakesasecondmoreforallofthemtopushawayfromthetableandstretchtheirlegs.Igetupandgointomyoffice.Myheadisthrobbingsoftly,mybackiskillingme,andallIwanttodoisclosemyeyes.Ispentzerominutessleepinglastnight.Zero.Ileanbackinthechairandclosemyeyes.“Iguessyou’reastiredasIam?”MyeyesflutteropentoseeClarissaleaningagainstthedoorjamb.
“Hopefullywecangetthisdoneinthenexthourandthenyoucangobackhome.”Irockinmychairbackandforth.
“Musictomyears.”Shesmiles.“Thankyouforinvitingmeyesterday.Itwasablast.”Shehuffs,“AndI’mstillfull.”
Ilaughatthatbecause,knowingHarlowandherfamily,sheprobablyhadtoeatfivetimesthefoodjusttopleasethem.“Notaproblem,”Isay.“Hopeyouhadfun.”
“Itwassomuchfun.”Shepushesofffromthedoorjamb.“I’mgoingtogoandstepoutsideandseeifIcanspotthesun.”
Iclosemyeyesagainforjustasecond.Maybebringinghertothebirthdaypartywasn’tsuchagreatidea.ItwasonlywhenIgotthereandIfoundoutthatPresleythoughtshewasmydatediditreallymakemesecond-guessinvitingher.Italsodidn’thelpthatMrs.Bakerspentthemajorityofthedayglaringatmefromacrosstheroom.Thatmixedinwiththeconversationwithhersistersandthenfindingoutthatshedippedoutearly,Iwasafuckingmess.
“Fiveminutes!”Ihearsomeoneyellfromthehallwayandopenmyeyes,grabbingmyphonetoseeifImissedanything.MyheartstopswhenIseethatIhaveatextfromhersentabouteighthoursago.
Gorgeous:Canyoucallmewhenyouhaveaminute?Everythingisfine;justwantedtoaskyousomething.
MyfingersaretypingherbackatthesametimethatIholdmybreath.
Me:Stillatwork,willcallyouassoonasIleave.
MyfootstartstomoveupanddownwhenIseethethreedotspopupandthenanothermessagecomesin.
Gorgeous:Okay.I’llwaitforyourcall
Ilookdownatthescreen.Sincewhenhassheeverwaitedformycall?“Okay,people,”Ihearfromthehallway.“Let’sgetthisshowontheroad.”Igetupfrommychair,bringingmyphonewithme,justincaseshetextsmebackandit’sactuallyanemergency.Thenervestakeoverthepitofmystomach.Isitbackinmychairintheconferenceroom
“Let’sgettheshowontheroad,”Iurge,tryingtopumpeveryoneup.Ilookaroundthetableandseeallofthemfocusingonthepapersinfrontofthem.“Assoonaswearedonewiththis,wecantakethenexttwodaysoff.”Alloftheheadssnaptolookatme.“That’swhatIliketosee,”Ijoke.“Motivation.”
“Ifwefinishthisinanhour,”theotherpartnersays,“I’lladdtwodaystothat.”
“Ifwefinishinforty-fiveminutes,”Icounter.“Wegettheweek.”Iclapmyhands.“Nowlet’sgo.”
Myteamdoesnotplaywhenitcomestotimeoff.Ittakesuslessthanforty-fiveminutestofinishtherestofthemerger.Allnoteshavebeenentered,andwhenIgetupforty-fourminuteslaterwiththefileinmyhand,Iwalkout,proudoftheworkthatwejustpouredthreeweeksinto.IhuffoutasIwalkoutoftheconferenceroomandheadtomyoffice.Puttingthefiledownandgrabbingmythings,Iamoneofthelastonestowalkoutoftheoffice.
It’sasdarknowaswhenIgotherethismorning.Islipintothecarandstartit,pullingupPresley’sname.Everythinginsidemeistrembling,everythingfrommyhandstomyheart.Thesoundofringingfillsthecar,andshepicksupaftertworings.“Hello?”Hervoicecomesoutsoftly.
“Hey,”Isay,myvoicetrembling.“Sorry,Ijustgotoutoftheoffice.”Ipullawayfromtheofficeandmakemywayhome.“Wewerefinalizingamerger.”
“Oh,yeah,noworries,”shesays.“Iwas…”Shestopstalking.“Um…”Icantellshe’snervousaboutsomething.“Iwaswonderingifwecouldtalk.”
“Um,yeah.I’monmywayhomenow.Howistomorrow?”Isuggest,andIpulluptomyhouseandseehersittingoutsideonmysteps.Istop,andshelooksatme.Herhairislooseandsheiswearingababy-blueflowereddress.Shelooksbeautifulandsheglows.
“Howaboutnow?”sheasks,andIpullintothedriveway.Shedisconnectsthephone,andIgetout,leavingmyphoneinthecar.
“Howlonghaveyoubeenhere?”Iask,walkingupthesteps.
“Iwanttosaynotlong,”shesaysandthenlooksoveratthebagoffoodbesideher.“ButClarabellahadtodropofffood.”Shewringsherhands.
“Iseverythingokay?”Iask,suddenlyworriedthatsomethinghappenedandshewantedtodothisface-to-face.
“Yeah.”Shegetsup,andthedressfallstoherankles.“It’sjust,Ikindofhavesomethingtotalktoyouabout,andifIdidn’tcomehere,Idon’tknowifIwouldhavethecouragetomorrow.”
“Whydon’twegetyououtoftheheat?”Itellher,walkingpastherandignoringthewaythatmyheadisspinning.Iopenthedoorandstepinwithherfollowingme.Iturnonthelightsinthekitchen.“Doyouwantsomewater?”
“No.”Sheshakesherhead.“IfIdrinkI’mprobablygoingtothrowup.”Sheputsherhandtoherstomach.
“Doyouwanttosit?”Iask,andshejustlooksatme.
“Howmuchtimedowehave?”sheasks,andItiltmyheadtotheside.“Like,isyourdatecomingover?”
“I’mnotdatinganyone,”Itellher.“Clarissaworksforthefirm,andshe’sheretohelpwiththemerger.Sheishappilymarriedtoherhusband.”
“What?”shegasps.“Whydidn’tyouleadwiththatyesterday?”
“WhywouldyouthinkIwasonadatetobeginwith?”Icounterherwithmyquestion.
“Becauseyoushowedupwithher?”Shethrowsherhandsintheair.“WhatelsewouldIthink?”
“IwouldthinkthatyouwouldknowhowIfeelaboutyou.”Iputmyhandsonmyhips.
“Aboutthat.”Shetriestojoke,butIseeherlowerliptremble.“IthinkImessedup.”Shesaysthewordsasifsheisinpain.“Oh,God,”shesaysassheputsherhandtoherforehead.“ThisisalotharderthanIthoughtitwouldbe.”Myfeetsticktothefloorinmykitchenwithanislandbetweenus.MyheadisgoingaroundandaroundasItrytofigureoutwhatthefuckshewassaying.“Whenmyfatherdied…”ShestartsandthenIcanseethetearsforminhereyesandshewipesthemaway.“Isawmymothergothrougheverysingledaywithsomethingmissing.Shewouldpretendshewasokay,shestilldoes,butatnightwhenshewouldclimbintobed,Iwouldhearhertalkingtohimthroughthewall.Shewouldliterallygooverherwholeday.”Ican’tevenimaginehowIwouldhavehandledthat.“Andtheninthemorning,itwouldbelikeitneverhappened.”
“Gorgeous,”Isaytoher,butsheshakesherheadandholdsupherhand.
“Ifyouinterruptme,Iwon’tsaywhatIneedtosay,”shesays.“Whatyoudeservetoknow.IvowedIwouldneverfallinlovebecauselosingitwouldhavebrokenme.”Shewipesoffhercheeks,butthetearskeeprollingdownthem.“Ijustneverwantedtorelyonsomeonesomuchthatiftheyleft,halfofmewouldleavewiththem.”Shechuckles.“Andthen,well,mysiblingsdidn’thelpthatatall.WatchingTravis,Clarabella,andShelbygettingtheirheartsbroken,andhereIwaswiththeonlyguyI’veeverbeenwith.”Hervoiceshakes.“SoIfoughtitbecauseifIsaidhowIfelt,itwouldbetakenawayfromme.Itwouldberippedfromme,andthenIwouldbejustlikemymother.”Shelooksdown,andIseeherhandsshaking.“Bennett,Iwon’tbeabletosurvivewithoutyou.”Shesmilesthroughhertears.“TheminutethatIadmitwhatI’msoscaredtoadmit,it’llbetheendofus,andIdon’tthinkIcansurvive.Theselastweekshavebeenhell,onethousandpercenttheworstdaysofmylife,andifitwasn’tforthebaby,Idon’tknowwhereIwouldbe.Lastnightathome,Ifeltthebabykickforthefirsttime,”shesayswithabeamingsmile,andIcan’thelpthesmilethatfillsmyface.“Atfirst,Ithoughtitwasinmyhead,butthenIdrankmoreapplejuice,anditwasnotinmyhead.”Hersmilefades.“AndallIwantedtodowascallyou.AllIwantedwasforyoutobetherewithme.AllIwantedwas…”Shetrailsoff.
Iswallowdownthelumpinmythroatasthewordsshe’sjustsaidspinaroundinmyhead.“Inthehospitalroom,Itoldyou.”
“YoutoldmeyoulovedmeatthesametimethatIwasscaredtoloseourchild,”shesnaps.“ThewholereasonIdidn’tcallyouwasbecauseIthoughtyouwouldhatemeifanythinghappenedtothebaby.”OhmyGod,it’smyturntoputmyhandsinfrontofmymouth.Howcouldsheevenbethinkingthat?
“Iwouldnever…”Istarttosaytoher,butshecutsmeoff.
“Iknowthat,butcanyouimaginebeingthereasonyoulostthebaby?”shesayssoftly.“Thatdayyouweresohappyandthen…”Shetrailsoff.
“Whatareyousayingtome?”Iask,wantingtohearit,wantinghertoadmitwhatI’veknowninmyheartthiswholetime.
ShetakesthebiggestinhaleI’veeverseen.Herchestrisingandfalling,herhandsshaking.“I’msayingthatI’minlovewithyou.”Sheputsherhandtohermouthtostopthesob.“I’msayingthatIloveyou,andI’minlovewithyou.I’msayingthatIwantthis,meandyou.ThisiswhatIwant.”Sheshakesherheadandlooksdownatherhands.“AndIgetthatImightbetoolateandthatyoumayhavemovedon.”Shelooksbackupatme.“Idon’tevenknowwhatIwoulddoiftheroleswerereversed.”Shesmilessadly.“Imean,mysisterswouldprobablyburndownyourhouseandputfireantsinyourbed.”
Ican’thelpbutlaughatthat.“Icanonlyimagine.”
“Sothisisit.”Sheextendsherhandstothesides.“MeadmittingwhatIshouldhavetoldyouinthehospitalroom.”
“Whynow?”Iask.
“Well,one,youbroughtadatetomybrother’shouse.”Sheholdsupherfinger.“Andtwo,I’mtiredoflivingwithoutyou.I’mtiredoftellingmyselfthatI’mnotinlovewithyouwhenIam.”AllIcandoislookather.Thiswomanwhopushesmetotheedgeofthecliffandmakesmewanttojumpoff.ThewomanwhoIwilllovefortherestofmylife,regardlessifI’mwithherornot.“Thesepastcoupleofweekshaveshownmethat,well,I’madumbass,andthatI’veputyouthroughallofthisfornothing.Iknowit’salottotakein,andIreallyhopeyoucanforgiveme.So…”Shepointsbehindher.“I’mgoingtoleavetogiveyouyourspaceandwaitforyoutothinkaboutwhatyouneedtothinkabout.”Chapter26
Presley
“Thesepastcoupleofweekshaveshownmethat,well,I’madumbass.”Imean,Imightaswellcallmyselfitespeciallysincemymotherpointeditout.“AndthatI’veputyouthroughallofthisfornothingandIknowthatit’salottotakein,andIreallyhopethatyoucanforgiveme.So…”I’msonervous,andmyheartisbeatingsofuckingfast
“Um,”hesays,andIclosemyeyesforasecondbeforeIturnaroundtolookathim.Atthispoint,I’mnoteventryingtowipeawaythetearsbecauseit’salostcause.Hestandsthereinthehallway,andIdon’tthinkI’veeverwantedtohughimmoreinmylifethanIdorightnow.“Thatisalotofthingstotakein.”
Inodmyhead,tryingtoswallowbutmymouthissodry,andthelumpinmythroatgrowsbiggerandbiggerastimegoeson.“Itwasa‘gobigorgohome’situation.”Itrytosmile,butthetearsjustcome,andIcanfeelmylowerliptremble.“ClarabellaandShelbysaidthatitwasdoordie.Especiallysinceyouweredating.”Myeyesdon’tmeethis,andIwantyoutodateme
Heshakeshisheadandchuckles.“YoursistersareveryawarethatI’mnotdating,”hetellsme,andIlookathimshocked.“Youdon’tthinktheycameuptomeyesterdaytoripmeanewasshole?”AllthatIcanthinkisthatI’mgoingtokillthemwhenIspeaktothemagain.NeverduringthewholetimeIpouredoutmyhearttothemdidtheytellmethis.Notonce.“ThesepastcoupleofweeksIcan’tevenputintowordshowit’sbeen.Iwentfromangrytohurtandbacktoangryagain.Butmostofall,Imissedyou.”Hetakesadeepinhale.“I’mnotgoingbacktohowthingswere.”Theburningstartsagaininmystomach.“Idon’twanttonevergooutwithyou.Idon’twantyousneakingoutofthehouseinthemorning.”Itrynottogetmyhopesupashetakesacoupleofstepstowardme.
“Whatifwediddatenightthreetimesaweek?”Icounter,takingastepclosertohim,hopingtocutthedistancebetweenus.“Whereverorwheneveryouwant.”Itakeanotherstepforward,hopinghedoesn’tbackaway.“AndIpromisetonever,eversneakoutofthehouseinthemorning.”Idon’ttellhimthatwhatIwantisforustobeinonehouse.Thatafterbeingawayfromhimthesepastcoupleofweeks,allIwantistobewithhim.“Iwantitall,andIwantitwithyou.”
Hetakesasteptowardme.“It’sbeentwelveyears,”hepointsout.
“Iknow,”Isay.“Trustme,Iknow.Ispentallnightgoingthroughitoverandover.”
“Allnight?”heasksashetakesonemoresteptowardme,thedistancegettingshorterandshorter.
Icanfeelmyheartstarttobeatsofastitmightcomeoutofmychest.“Sincewearebeinghonest.”Itapmylegswithmyfingerstocalmmyself.“Itwasn’tjustyesterday.”Itakeonemorestep,andnowwearealmostface-to-face.“It’sbeenfromthebeginning.Ijustdidn’twanttoadmitittomyself.”Ilookdown,andtheneedtotouchhimis
Heputshisforefingerundermychinandliftsmyheadtolookintohiseyes.“Youdon’teverhavetobescaredwhenyouarewithme.”Hisvoicecomesoutinawhisper.
Iraisemyhandsandplacethemonhischest.Icanfeeltheheatcomingthroughhisshirt.Icanfeelthewayhisheartbeatsundermyhand.“Ipromisethatifyougivemeanotherchance,Iwillmakeitworthit.”Ilickmylips.“I’msorry.”Ismileasthetearsrolldown.“I’msosorry.”
Heputshisforeheadonmine.“It’saboutfuckingtime,”hesaysrightbeforehesoftlykissesmylips.Myhandsmovefromhischesttohischeeks.“Youaren’tadumbass.”Hishandfallsfromundermychintowardmyhips.“Butyouareapaininmyass.”Ithrowmyheadback,andIcan’thelpthelaughterthatescapesme.Atthatmoment,Ifeelanotherkick,andIgasp.Myhandgoestomystomach.
“Itseemsourbaby”—Ismileathim—“agreeswithyou.”Itakehishandandputitonmystomach,andnowit’shisturntogasp.
“Yougotsobig,”hesays,hiseyesgoingbigwhenthesmileleavesmyface.“Ididn’tmeanitlikethat.”Ilookdownandseehishandonmystomach.
“It’snottheonlythingthatgotbigger,”Imentiontohim,andmynipplestingle.“Also,Idon’tknowwhatisinthisbabything,butI’veneverbeenhornierinmylife.”
“Isthatyourwayofsayingyoumissedmydick?”hejokeswithme,andIcuphiscock.
“YouknowwhatImissedthemost?”Iaskhimasmyhandrubsupanddownhiscock.“Havingthisinmymouth.”Idon’tevenwaitforhimtosayanythingbeforeIsinktomyknees,myhandsworkinginafrenzytofreehiscock.Ittakesmelessthanasecond,andtheminuteIpullhisboxersdown,hiscockspringsfree.“Hi.”MyhandfistshiscockasIlicktheprecumoffhim.“Imissedyou,too.”Isucktheheadintomymouth,twirlingmytonguearoundtheheadofhiscockbeforetakinghalfofitintomymouthagain.“Hmm,”Isay,closingmyeyesandtryingtotakehimdeeperanddeeper.
“Gorgeous.”Hesaysmynickname,andallIcandoisopenmyeyesandlookupathimasIswallowhiscock.Hishipsmovejustatouchtofeedmemoreofhiscock.Myhandgripsthebaseofhiscock,jerkinghim.“Shit,”hesaysandthentakesastepback.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Iaskhimunderprotestwhenheliftsme.
“Ihaven’thadyouinalongtime.”Hislipscrashonmine,histongueslidingagainstmine.“AndthelastplaceI’mgoingtocomeisinyourmouth.”Hewrapshisarmaroundmywaistandpicksmeup.
“Well,atleastIknoweventuallytonightyouarecomingdownmythroat,”Iteaseashewalksupthestairsandtohisbed.“Wecouldfuckonthecouch,”Ipleadwithhim.
“Iwantyounaked,”hestates,walkingintohisroom.“Inthemiddleofmybed.”Heputsmedown,andhishandgoesstraighttothestringbehindmyback.Hepullsitloose,andthetopfallsdowntomywaist.“Fuck,”hesays,lookingatmytitsthatarebustingoutofthishalflacebra;hecupsbothtits,andIhissout.
“Theyaresosensitive,”Itellhim,andhepushesitdown,andmytitsspringfree.
“Howsensitive?”heasks,bendingandtakinganippleintohismouth.Suckingitdeepandthenbitingwhilehishandtwiststheothernipple.“Doesthismakeyou…”Hemovestotheothernipple.“Wet?”
Irubmykneestogether.“No,”Ireply,myeyesclosingasIrollmyheadback.“Itmakesmesoaked.”Itcomesoutinapant.“Dripping.”
“Onlyonewaytofindout,”hesays,andheslipsthedressovermyhips,anditfallstomyfeet.Heturnshishandaroundandslideshishanddownmypanties.Hisfingerslidesin,andhegroansoutnow.MyhandfindshiscockasIjerkhimoff.“I’mgoingtofuckyourtitsafter.”
“Youcanfuckanythingyouwant,”Itellhimasheslipsanotherfingerinsideme.“Aslongasyoufuckmypussyfirst.”
“Thatsoundslikeaplan,”heconfirmsashetakeshisfingersoutofme,andIgroanoutinprotest.“Butfirst,I’mgoingtoeatit.”Hebitesmylowerlip.“I’mgoingtoeatyouasI’vedreamedabouteatingyouthiswholetime.”Heripsmypantiesfrommyhipsandputsmeinthemiddleofthebed.“Spreadyourlegs,”heordersme,andhedoesn’thavetotellmetwice.Hegetsonhiskneesinthemiddleofmylegs.Histhumbcomesdown,andhemakesasmallcircleovermyclit.“Youlikethat?”heasks,andIcan’tanswerhimbecauseI’mpantingwithneed.“Youlikethis?”Hedoesthecircleagain.“Orthis?”Herubstheheadofhiscockupmyslitandthensinksintomeinchbyfuckinginch.“Fuckingtight,”hesaysashisballshitmyass.Ican’thelpbringingmykneesupandgettinghimdeeper.“Whichonedoyoulike?”heasks.
“Yourcock,”Isay,tryingtomovemyhips.
Hetakeshiscockoutandslidesbackinagain.Thistime,bothofusmoanatthesametime.“Now,doyoulikethis?”Heslamsintomefinally,andIcan’thelpbutrollmyeyestothebackofmyhead.“Orthis?”Hepullsouthiscock,andbythetimeIlookdown,hismouthiscoveringmypussy.
“Fuck,fuck,”Ichantashesucksmyclitintohismouthandthenlicksdowntoslidehistongueintome.
“So,cock?”Hegetsupandslideshiscockintome,andthenpullsout,andhistonguetakestheplaceofhiscock.“Ormouth?”
“Cock,”Isay,archingmyback,andmyhandsmoveuptomytitsasIpinchmyownnipplesandrollthem.
“Okay,cock.”Heslideshiscockintome,andhisballsslapmyass.Hefucksmeslowlyfourtimesbeforehepullshiscockoutofme.“Orfinger?”Heslideshistwofingersintomypussyandfucksme.
“Bennett!”IscreamouthisnamewhenI’mabouttocome,andhepullshisfingersoutofme.“Why?”Imoan.“Why?”
Hetakeshiscockinhishandandslapsitrightonmyclit.“BecauseIwantmycockinyouwhenyoucome.”Heslamsintome.“Tellmehowyouwantit.”
“Fastandhard.”Idon’tevenhavetothinkaboutit.“Forroundone.”Hiseyesfindmine,andthenIlookdownandseehiscockswallowedupbymypussy.“Roundtwohastobemeridingyou.”Oneofmyhandsmovesdowntomyclit.“Roundthreeiswithyourtongue.”Myfingergoesaroundincirclesatmyclit.“Roundfourismeinthekitchenbendingover.”IclosemyeyesashiscockrubsmyG-spotoverandoveragain.SexwithBennetthasalwaysbeenoutofthisworld,butwithallthesehormonesinmybody,thisoneisgoingtobeonethatwealwaystalkabout.“ThenIwantyoutotit-fuckmeandcomeinmymouth.”Hispacegoesfasterashiseyeswatchhisowncock.“I’mthere,”Itellhim,andhejustlooksatme.“Rightthere,”Isay,andfinally,Icomealloverhiscock,mypussypulsingoverandoveragainandagain.
Hedoesn’tstophispace.Instead,hepicksitup,andwhenIfinishcoming,heslamsintometwicemore,andI’mcomingagain.“Theresheis,”hesays.“You’resqueezingmycocksohard,”hesaysbetweenclenchedteeth.“I’mgoingtocome.”
“Mymouth.”IsaytwowordsasIfinishcomingonhiscock,andheslidesoutofme.Isitup,andtheminutemymouthcovershiscock,heplaceshishandoneachsideofmyheadashefucksmyface,andhecomesdownmythroatwithmynameonhislips.Chapter27
Bennett
Ifeelherwiggleherassonmycockinfrontofme,andthenI’mpushedtomyback.IfeellikeIjustclosedmyeyes,andIhavetowonderhowlongit’sbeensincethelastround.I’mabouttosaysomethingwhenshegripsmycock,andtheonlythingIcandoisgroan.
Myeyesopenattheexacttimethatsheslidesherpussydownmycock.Myhandsgotoherhips.“Morning,”Imumbleasmyhandscomeup,andIrollhernipplesbetweenmythumbandforefinger.Shejustmovesupanddownfaster.We’vebeengoingatitthewholenight.Thewholefuckingnight,andneitherofusisreadytogiveup.
Sheputsherhandsonmychestandgoesupanddownfasterandfaster,rotatingherhipseverysingletimeshegoesdown.“I’mclose,”shesays,andIwanttolaugh.She’sbeencloseallnightlong.I’velostcountofthenumberoftimesshe’scome.“Bennett,”shemoansoutmyname,andIsitupwithher,andmycockmustgodeeperinher.Iwrapmyarmaroundherwaistandthenflipherontoherback,mycocknevercomingoutofher.
Shewrapsherlegsaroundmywaist.“Thiswhatyouwant?”IaskasIpoundintoheracouplemoretimesbeforewebothcomeatthesametime.Icollapsetothesideandtakeherwithme.“Ineedtosleep,”Isay,closingmyeyes.
“Yousleep,andI’mgoingtogoandgetsomethingtoeat,”shereplies,movingawayfrommeandbendingdowntograbherrobe.“I’llbeback,”shesays,walkingoutoftheroom,andinsteadoflyinginbed,Ihuffandgetup,notabouttolethergoanywherewithoutme.
Puttingonapairofshorts,Iwalkdownstairsandseeherstandingatthecountereatingacookie.“Canyougoandgetsomethinginmycar?”Shelooksoveratme,andIseethatit’sjustafterseveninthemorning.
“Sure,”Isay.“WhatamIgetting?”
“Mybag?”Shegrabsanothercookiewhileshewalkstothefridge.“Iforgottobringapplejuice,”shehuffs.“Weneedtoaddthattothelist.”
Ijustnodatherandtrytohidemysmilewiththatlaststatement.Ittakesmelessthanthreesecondstograbherbagandwalkbackin.“Didyoupackapplejuice?”IaskasIputthebagontheisland.
“No.”Shelooksup,andIcanseethatshehaslittleredspotsalloverherneckfrommybeard.“ButIshouldhave.”
“Sowhat’sinthebag?”Ilaugh,walkingoverandkissingherneck.
“Someclothesandmytoiletries,”shesays,andIstopinmytracks.
“Yourclothesfortoday?”Ilookoverather.
“Notreally.Ijustbroughtoverafewthingstokeephere,”shesays,andaftertellingmeshelovedme,thisisthebestthingI’veeverheard.
“Isthatafact?”Igrababottleofwaterandleanonthecountertofaceher.
“Well,Iwasn’tgoingtocountmychickensbeforetheyhatched,butIwashopefulthatyouwouldforgiveme.”Shewalksovertothebagandgrabsit.“I’mgoingtobedraggingmyasstoday.”
“So,playhookywithme?”Isuggest,knowingfullwellshewillneverdoit.EventhoughI’veaskedherbefore,shewon’t.
“IguessIcan.”ShewalksoverandgrabsherphonewhileIjustwatchher.Shepressesbuttonsonherphone,andthenIhearthesoundofringing.
“Shefuckinglives.”IhearClarabella’svoice,andthenshesitsattheislandandputsthephonedowninfrontofher.
“JesusChrist,ittookyoulongenough.”IhearShelby’svoicecutin.“We’vebeenwaitingallnight.”
“I’vebeenbusy.”Shesmilesandthenlooksatme.
“Ibetyouhave,”Clarabellasays.“Doesthatmeanhedidn’ttellyoutofuckoff?”
“Ofcourse,hedidn’ttellhertofuckoff,”Shelbyretorts.“Iwasrootingforyouthewholetime.”IshakemyheadandwalkovertoPresleyandstandbehindher.LookingatherphoneandseeingClarabellaonthetopandShelbyonthebottomoftheFaceTime.
“She’sadamnliar,”Clarabelladeclares.“Shebetmetwentybucksyouwouldn’tsayyesuntiltoday.”Shelbygaspsoutloud.
“Well,luckyforme,”Presleysays,reachingherarmouttowraparoundmywaistandpullmetoher.“Hesaidhedidn’thateme.”Shelooksupatme,andI’mstillstunnedthatsheisshowingaffectioninfrontofhersisters.Inthetwelveyearswe’vebeenwitheachother,shenevershowedanythingtoanyone.“Also”—sheturnsbacktothecamera—“youarebothdeadtome.”Sheusesherthumbstogoacrossherneckasifsheiscuttingherthroat.Ican’thelpbutputmyhandonmyforeheadandlaughsilently.Imean,I’veknownthemmywholelife,andIwanttosaythattheyweren’talwayscrazy,butI’dbelying.
“Forwhat?”Clarabellagasps.
“YouguysknewClarissawasn’thisdate,”shehissesatthescreen.Clarabellastartslookingupattheceilingandnotbotheringtolookather.
“Inourdefense,”Shelbysays,“youneverasked.”
“IhadanervousbreakdowninMom’skitchenaboutit,”Presleyshares,andIwhipmyheadtolookather.
“OhmyGod,canwebemoredramaticaboutthis?”Shelbyrollshereyes.“Youwerehavinganervousbreakdownbecausehetoldyouhelovedyou,andyouwereadumbass.IthadnothingtodowithClarissa.”
“Thatisnottrue.”Sheslapsthecounter.
“YourmanisstandingtherenakedforallIknow,andallyouwanttotalkaboutishavinganervousbreakdown,”Clarabellachides.“You’remyonlybrother-in-lawthatIhaven’tseennaked.”Shenowlaughsoutloud.
“I’veseenhimnaked,”Shelbyinformsus.
“Excuseme?”PresleyandIbothgawkout.
“Relax,youtwo;itwaswhenhewassixteen,andTravisdaredhimtogoskinny-dipping.”Sherollshereyes.“Isawonedingleberryandhalfofthetwig.”Shelbysmiles.
“It’snotatwig.”Ipuffoutmychestandfoldmyarmsovermychest.“Tellher.”IlookoveratPresley,whorollsherlipsatme,tryingnottolaugh.“I’mwaiting.”
“Imean,notthatIwanttoseeit,butifI’mgoingtoputmyopinionoutthere,Ihavetoseeit.”Clarabellashrugs.
“Absolutelynot,”Presleysays.“Anyway,I’mcallingtoletyouknowI’mnotgoingtobeintoday.”Bothhersisterslookatherwithshock.“Wewereupallnight,andBennetthasthedayoff.”Shelooksatme.“I’llseeyoubothtomorrow.”
“I’mofftomorrowalso,”Imumble.
“I’llseeyouguysintwodays.”Shewavesatthephone.“Byee,”shesingsoutandgetsupandwinces.“Whatarethechancesthatwecantakeanap?”
“You’restayinghomefromworktodayandtomorrow?”Iask,notsureIactuallyheardher.I’mnotsayingthatherjobisherlife,butI’malsonotnotsayingit.It’soneofthethingsIlovemostabouther.
“Ifthatisokaywithyou.”Shestartstograbthebag,andIputmyhandonittostopherfromliftingit.
“It’smorethanokaywithme,”Iassureherwithasmile.“Nowlet’sgotakeanap.”
“Likearealnap?”Shetiltsherheadtotheside.“Orlikeawhoops,Ididn’tmeantoshovemydickinyourpussykindofnap?”
Ican’thelpbutlaugh,andsheslipsherhandinmineaswewalkupthestairs.“Hey,Ihaveaquestion,”shesaysaswewalkintotheroom,andIputthebagonthebenchinfrontofthebed.“What’syournumber?”Ilookoverather.“Like,howmanywomenhaveyousleptwith?”
“Um…”Iputmyhandsonmyhips,notsureIwanttoanswerthis.
“Imean,Iknowyouwerewithotherpeoplebeforeme,”shesays.“Buthowmany,youknow,sinceme?”Sheholdsupherhands.“Like,Iknowweweren’texclusive.”
“Areyoutryingtotellmethatyou’vebeenwithothermen?”Thewordstastelikeacidinmymouth.
“No.”Shelaughs.“I’veonlyeverbeenwithyou.Iwaswonderinghowmanyhaveyoubeenwithafterme.”
“Zero,”Isay,walkingtoher.“Fromtheminutewekissed,it’sonlybeenyou.”Ipushthehairawayfromherfaceandkissherlipssoftly.“Evenwiththebackandforthwhileyouwereincollegeandthencominghomehereandthere.”
Shesmilesupatmeasshewrapsherarmsaroundmyneck.“That’sthesexiestthingyou’veeversaidtome.”Shekissesundermychin.“Nowlet’sgetnakedandgotakeanap.”
Ichuckle.“Gettingnakedisgoingtohavetheoppositeeffectofusnapping,”Ipointout.
“No,it’snot.”Shestepsoutofmyhandsandslipsofftherobe.“IthinkI’mgoingtogotakeashowerbeforeanapandwashoffallthatsex.”Shegrabsthebag,andmyeyesroamoverherbody.Hertitshavealwaysbeenfuckingperfect,butnowtheyaresofull,andthenmyeyesgodowntohersmallbabybump.“Whatareyoulookingat?”Shelooksatmesidewaysbeforeunzippingthebagandgrabbinghertoiletrybag.
“Howgorgeousyouare.”Ismileslylyather.“Howsexyyouare.”Sheshakesherheadandlaughs.“AndalsohowIdidn’tgettofuckyourtits.”Thatsendsherovertheedge,andnowtheroomisfilledwiththesoundofherlaughter.
“Well,ifyoucomewithmeintheshower,wecandothat,andthenwhenwecomebacktobed,wecanreally,reallynap.”Shewalksawayfrommetothebathroom,andIwatchherass.
“Ifyouaregoingtotwistmyarm.”Ipulldownmyshortsandfollowherintothebathroom.Ittakesusforty-fiveminutesintheshower,butthat’sonlybecauseafterIfuckedhertits,shesatdownonthebenchandplayedwithherself,whichthenledtomegettingonmyknees.
“I’mgettingoutfirst.”Shekissesmychest.“AndyouhavetowaitfiveminutesbecauseifIbendover,you’regoingtothinkIwantyoutohavesexwithme.”Irollmyeyesbecauseone,she’snotwrong,andtwo,IthinkIcancontrolmyself.“AndIloveyou,butIreally,reallyhavetonap.”
“Sayitagain.”Ipullhertome.
“Saywhatagain?”Sheputsherheadbackandlooksatme.
“Sayyoulovemeagain.”Ibendtokissherlipssoftly.
“Iloveyou,”shesays,andmyheartskipsafuckingbeat.Thiswomanwhodrivesmemadandpushesallmybuttonsownseverysinglepieceofme.Shegetsonhertippy-toesandkissesthecornerofmylipssoftly.“Iloveyou.”Shekissestheothersideofmylips.“Iloveyou.”Thensherubshernosewithmine.“Iloveyou.”
“Iloveyoumore,”ItellherasIopentheshowerdoorforher,andshestepsout,grabbingoneofthewhitetowelshanging.Iwatchhermovearoundthebathroom,andIstepout,grabbingmyownwhitetowel.SheputsononeofmywhiteT-shirtsandwalksoutofthebathroom,andwhenIlookoveratthecounter,Iseeherstuffmixedwithmine.Herhairbrushisonthecounter.Herfacestuffisrightnexttomyaftershave.It’smystuffwithherstuff,anditmightnotseemlikeabigdealtoanyone,buttome,it’severything.
Iwalkoutandseethatthebagonthebenchinfrontofthebedisnowtuckedawayinthecornerunderthechair.“Therewasadrawerthatwasempty,”shesays,comingoutofthewalk-incloset.“Iputmythingsinthere.”Shewalksovertothebedandslidesunderthecovers.“Ihopeit’sokay.”
Ilaugh,notsayinganythingasIwalkintotheclosettograbapairofboxers,andthereitis,herstuffhangingnexttomine.“It’smorethanokay,”Imumbleandwalkbackoutwithoutmyboxerson.Ittakesusanextrathirtyminutesbeforewereallytakeanap.Chapter28
Presley
ThesoundoftheclickingofmyheelsfillstheparkinglotasImakemywayupthestepstowardthefrontdoor.TheminuteIpullitopen,Ifeelthecoldairflyout.“It’shotterthanballsoutthere,”Isay,takingoffmysunglasses.
“Well,consideringsomeonehasbeenballsdeepinsideyouforthelasttwodays.”Clarabellasnickersfrombehindthereceptiondesk.“Youshouldknow.”
Irollmyeyesandtrynottolaughatherstupidjoke.“Youtryingtotellmenoonewasballsdeepinsideyou?”
“Wedon’thavesexeverynight.”Sherollshereyes,andIknowshe’slying.
“Well,well,well.”Shelbycomesoutofthekitchenwithacoffeecupinherhand.“Lookwhatthecatdraggedin.”Ilaughatherbecauseforthepasttwodays,we’vebeenhunkereddowninBennett’shouse,neitherofuswantingtostepoutofourcocoon.Buttoday,hehadtorunintotheoffice,andIfiguredIwouldcomein.
“Thisdresscosttwohundreddollars.”Ilookdownatthelightpink,floweredone-piecedressI’mwearing.Everysinglepairofmypantsgottootightforme,soI’vebeenindresses.“Sothereisnoonedragginganyone.”
“Ifhe’snotdraggingyou.”Clarabellagetsupandwalksaroundthedesk.“He’snotdoingitright.”
“Arewegoingtodiscussanythingelsebutsex?”Iwalktowardmyoffice,andbothmysistersspeakatthesametime.
“No.”Ican’thelpbutlaugh.
“Well,I’mnotdiscussingthesex,butIwillsaythatIfeelsoliberated.”Iputmypursedowninthechairandwalkovertothedesk.
“Oh,God,ifshestartssinging‘Iamwoman,hearmeroar.’”Clarabellasitsonthecouchfacingme.“I’mgoinghome.”
“Iamnotgoingtosinganything.”Irollmyeyesather.
“Sowhydoyoufeelsoliberated?”ShelbyasksasshesitsnexttoClarabella,wholeansoverandgrabshercoffeecuptotakeasip.
“Ihavenoidea.”Ishrug.“MaybebecauseI’mnotkeepingthesecretthatI’minloveanymore.”
“Itwasn’tasecret,”Clarabellasays.“Andifitwasasecret,yousuckatkeepingsecrets.”AllIcandoisglareather.“Doyouguysnothaveanythingelsetodotoday?”
“No,actually,”Shelbysays,grabbinghercoffeecupbackfromClarabella.“It’sbeenaquietweek.Wedon’tevenhaveanyscheduledappointments.”
“Great,”Isay,clappingmyhandsandgrabbingthephone.Idialthenumberandwaitforthemantoanswer.“Howismyfavoritebrother-in-law?”Ilookoveratmysisters,whojustlookatme,wonderingwhichoneI’mtalkingto.
Lukelaughs.“Yeah,right.WhatcanIdoforyou?”
“Woulditbepossibletoorderlunchfortwo?”Iaskhim.
“Hey,baby!”Clarabellayellsfromthecouch,andLukelaughsevenharder.
“Isthelunchformywoman?”hesays,andIputmyfingerinmymouthandfakevomit.
“It’sforyourwoman’spregnantsisterandherman,”Isayandlookoveratmysisters,seeingthemshaketheirheadsandlaugh.
“I’llfixsomethingup,”hehuffs.“Comebyateleven.”Ilookatmywatchandseethatit’sjustafternine.“Tellmywomanifshejoinsyou,I’llgivehersomethingspecial.”
“Eww,”Isayandhangupwhilehelaughs.“Hesaidifyougothere,he’llgiveyousomethingspecial.”Shesmirksatme.
“Whereareyoutakinglunch?”Shelbyasks,andIsmileather.
“IthoughtIwouldsurpriseBennettandtakehimonapicnic.”Iwatchmysisters’facesinshock.
“Whateveryoudo,”Shelbysays,“leaveyourphoneinthecar.”Shecloseshereyes,andIcan’thelpbutlaugh.Awhileago,shehadapicnicwithAce,andwell,onethingledtoanother,andbyaccident,shebutt-dialedusinthemiddleofheradventure.Needlesstosay,therewasenoughpantingandmoaningforustogetthegistofit.
“Istillhavethatvoicemailsaved,”Clarabellasays,andShelbyhitsher.“It’scalledleverage.”
“Okay,youtwo,IneedforyoutogetoutsoIcandoallmyworkfortheweekintwohours.”Ishoothemwithmyhands.Ileavealittlebitaftereleven,andwhenIwalkintotherestaurant,IseeLukebehindthebar.
“Myfavoritesister-in-law.”Helaughs,andItakeoutmyphonefrommypurse.
“CanyousaythatagainwhileIfilmyou?”Iaskhim,laughing,andhewalksaroundthebargrabbingthepicnicbasketfromoneofthestools.
“Hereyougo.”Hehandsmethebasket.“Everythingisinthere.”
“Lookathowprettythisis,”Isay,holdingitupandcheckingitout.“It’sveryWizardofOz,”Isayofthebrownwickerbasket.
“It’sShelby’s.ShegotitwhenshehadthatpicnicwithAce.”Herollshislipswhenmysmileturnstodisdain.
“Eww.”Icringe.“Theyprobablyhadsexontopofthis.”
Lukethrowshisheadbackandlaughs.“Andlet’shopeshe’stheonlyone,”heteases.“Also,Idon’twantitback.”Nowit’smyturntolaughasIwavegoodbyetohimandwalkoutoftherestaurant.ImakemywayovertoBennett’soffice,andwhenIparkmycar,mystomachstartstoflutterasIpullopenthedoor.I’veneverjustshownupathisofficeinthemiddleoftheday,letalonetotakehimouttolunch.MyfeetmovebeforeIchickenoutandgetbackintomycar.
MypalmsgetsweatyasIsmileatthereceptionistandasktoseeBennett.MaybeIshouldhavecalledbeforeIcamein,Ithinktomyself.Mystomachfeelslikeit’sgoingtothrowupwhenIhearshoescomingtowardthearea.Hesmilesbigwhenheseesme,andallthenervesIhadbeforearegone.He’swearingdarkbluedresspantswithawhitebutton-downshirtwiththecollaropen.Hishairlookslikehejustranhisfingersthroughit,andhiseyeslightup.He’severything.“Well,thisisasurprise,”hesaystome,andItaketwostepstohimandkisshislips,surprisinghim.I’venever,everkissedhiminpublicbefore.Imean,minusacoupleofdrunkkissesinthebaroratthecarwhenhewasdrivingmehome.
Butoutintheopen?Never.“Ithoughtwecouldhavelunchtogether,”Isaysoftly.“Imean,ifyouaren’ttoobusy.”
Thesmileonhisfacesaysitall.“Well,isn’tthisacoincidencesinceI’mfree.”
Myfacefillswiththesamesmilethatisonhisfacenow.“Well,isn’tthismyluckyday,”Isaytohim.
“ComeonbackwhileIcloseupacoupleofthings.”Hemotionswithhisheadaswewalkdownthehallway.Myhanditchestoholdhis,butbythetimeI’vetalkedmyselfintoholdinghis,weareinhisoffice.
“WhereisAndrew?”Ipointatthedeskoutintheemptyhallway.
“He’sofffortheweek,”Bennettsays,grabbingacoupleoffolders.“Weallare.Ijusthadtocomeinandsignacoupleofthings.”
“Well,nowisn’tthatacoincidence.”Itiltmyheadtotheside.“I’moffalso.”
Hecomestostandinfrontofme,andIlookupathim.“Iwonderwhatwecandowithourtimeoff.”Hetiltshisheadtotheside.
“IhearnakedSundayisreallyfun,”Ijokewithhimaswewalkoutofhisoffice,andmyhandslidesintohis.Hiseyesgodowntoourhands.“Isthisokay?”Theburninginmyneckstarts,andIthinkthatmaybeweshouldhavetalkedaboutthisbeforeIjustwentandheldhishand.“It’sfine.”IsmileasItakemyhandoutofhis.Buthe’squicktograbmyhandback,andhisfingersslipbetweenmine.“Wedon’thavetoholdhands.”
“You’reright,wedon’t,”hesays,pushingopenthedoortooutside,“butIwantto.”Hepicksourjoinedhandsupandkissesmyfingers.“Now,arewetakingyourcarormine?”
“Weshouldtakeminesincethefoodisinthere.”Ipointatmycar,andhestopswalking.
“Youpickedupfoodalready?”heasks,surprised.
“Well,yeah,Ithoughtitwouldbenicetohaveapicnic.”Ishrug.“It’sokayifyoudon’twanttoeatthefood.Wecangoanywhere.”
“Apicnicsoundsnice,”hemurmurssoftly,stoppingandgrabbingmyfaceinhishands.“Nowgivemethekeys,”hesaysrightbeforehebendstokissmylips.“Ilikewhenyousurprisemeatwork.”
Ithrowmyheadbackandlaughathim,grabbingmykeysfrommypurse.“ThisistheonlytimeI’vesurprisedyouatwork.”
“Iknow.”Hegrabsthekeysandwalksaroundthecarwithme,openingthepassengerdoorforme.“AndIlikeit.”Heslamsthedoorandwalksaroundtothedriver’sside.Hegetsin,startingthecar,andthenadjustingtheseat.“Sowhereto?”heasksasheputsonhisseatbelt.
IgivehimthedirectionstoalittlespotthatIfoundwhenIwasdoingatourwithanotherbride.It’sverysecludedandrightnexttoastream.Theheavy,densetreesblockmostofthesun,makingitcool.HegrabsthebasketoffoodwhileIgrabthebagwiththeblanketandpillows.HeslideshishandintomineasInavigatethroughthegrasstowardthesecretpassage.“Isn’tthispretty?”Iaskhimaswestop.
“I’velivedheremywholelife,andI’veneverbeenhere,”hesays,andIsmilebig,grabbingtheblanketandplacingitontheground.Ikickoffmyheels,thentossthepillowsontheblanket.“It’ssopeaceful.”Hekicksoffhisownshoeswhileunbuttoningthecuffathiswristandrollingupthefirstsleeveandthenthenext.Hesitsontheblanketandleansovertokissme.
“SoIhavetoknow.”Igetuponmykneesandgoovertothefoodbasket.“Goodsurprise,ordon’t-do-it-againsurprise?”Openingthebasket,IcheckoutthedifferenttypesofsandwichesthatLukemade.
Helaughsatme,grabbingmebythehipsandpullingmetohim.Istraddlehislegs,sittingonhim.“Thisisthebestsurprise,”heassuresme,pushingmyhairbacktoseemyface.“Imean,notthebestsurprise.”Igasp.“Ithinkthebestsurprisewaswakingupwithyouridingme.”Irollmyeyes.“Orwithmydickinyourmouth.”Herollshislips.“No,actually,thebestsurprisewasyoutellingmeyouloveme.”Hekissesmylips.“Butthisishighupthere.”
Iputmyhandsonhischest.“Iwaswayoutofmycomfortzone.”Iswallow.“Andtobehonest,IalmostranoutoftheofficewhileIwaswaitingforyou.”
“Thankyou.”Hekissesmesoftly.“Fordoingthis.”
“You’rewelcome.”I’mabouttokisshimwhenIfeelalittlekick,andmymouthandeyesopen.“Thebabyjustkicked.”Igrabhishandandputitonmystomach,reallyhopingthathecanfeelit.“Whydon’tyoukissmeagain?”Itellhim.“Itusuallygivesmebutterfliesinmystomach.”
“Igiveyoubutterflies.”Hesmiles,hisvoicegoingsoft.
“Youalwaysgavemebutterflies,”Iadmittohim,leaninginandkissinghislipssoftly.“It’slikethefirsttimealloveragain,”Isay,mylipsonhisthroughasmile,andthenIfeelthekickagainandsodoeshe.
“OhmyGod.”Hegasps,lookingdownathishandonmystomach.“Ifeltit.”Heplaceshisotherhandontopofmine.“Ifeltit.”Hemoveshishandsnowandholdsmyhips,liftingmeoffhimashesetsmenexttohimsohecanbendhisheadandtalktomystomach.“Heythere,it’sme,yourdad.”Heplacesbothhandsonmystomach.“SorryIhaven’tbeenaroundthepastcoupleofweeks.”
“It’syourmom’sfault,”Icutinandtellthebaby.“She’shadherheaduphera—”I’mabouttosayassandthenrethinkit.“Herbutt.”Ishrug.“Butit’sfinenow.”
“It’smorethanfine.”Hekissesmystomach.“Now,I’llgetyouandyourmomfed.”Helooksoverandgrabstwosandwichesoutofthebasket.“Oh,thereisapplejuice.”
“That’smine,”Isay,grabbingthejuicefromhim.“Heputabeerinthereforyou.”
IunwraponeofthesandwichesandseethatIgottheturkeyone.“Whatdoyouhave?”Ilookoverathim,andheunwrapsahamone.“Idon’twantthatone,”Isay,shakingmyhead,andhelaughs.
“Well,then,luckyforme,thisistheoneIwanted.”Hetakesabiteashegrabsthebrownbag,andwhenIlookinside,Iseethatit’shomemadechips.“Areyoureallyofffortherestoftheweek?”
Inodmyhead,takingabiteofthesandwich.“Whatdoyouwanttodo?”Iaskhim,andhejustshrugswhilehechews
“Don’tcareaslongasyou’rethere,”hesays,andIsmile.
“Ifwearegoingtogobacktoyourplace,I’mgoingtoneedtostopandgetsomeclothesfrommyhouse,”Iinformhim,andmystomachformsknotswhenIthinkaboutwhatIreallywanttoaskhim
“Wecanstayatyourhousealso,”hesays,lookingatme.“Whateveryouwant.”
“WhatifIdon’twanttohavetwohouses?”IaskhimandtakeabiteofmysandwichbeforeIjustblurtouteverythinginsteadofgoingslow.
“Whatdoyoumean?”heasksme,andIlookupathim.
“Imean,whatifinsteadofhavingtwohouses”—Itakeasipoftheapplejuice,puttingthebackofmyhandagainstmyforehead—“wehavejustone?”Myhandstartstoshake.“Forgetit,itwasabadidea.”Iignorethewaymyheartispoundinginmychestandputdownthesandwichbecauserightnow,allIwanttodoisvomit.
“Youdon’tknowthis,”hesayssoftly,andmyeyesflyuptohisasheputshisfooddownbesidehim.“Butthenightyouendedupinthehospital,Iwasgoingtoaskyoutomovein.”Myhandfliestomymouth.“Ihadalltheseflowersatthehouse,andIwasgoingtomakeyoudinnerandwell…”
“Iwouldhavesaidno.”Thewordscomeout,andhejustsmirksatme.“AndnotbecauseIdidn’twanttobutbecauseIwas…”
“Iknow,”hesays.“Trustme,Iknow.”Hislegspropup,andherestshisforearmsonthem.“Thesepastcoupleofdays.”Helooksdownandthenlooksup.“Havebeeneverything.”Ismilebecausetheyreallyhavebeen.
“Itshouldhavebeenlikethisallalong.”Iwipethetearthathasescaped.“AndI’llforeverbesorrythatIdidthattous.”
“It’sourstory,”hesays.“It’sthewayithadtobe.I’mnotgoingtolie.”Hechuckles.“Ididexpecttowakeupandfindyougonethismorning.”Ismilesadly.“I’mreallyfuckinghappyyouwereinmyarms.”
“I’llbeinthemforaslongasyouwantmethere,”Isay,andhepullsmetohim.
“Yes,”hesays,andItiltmyhead.“Let’shaveonehouse.”Ican’thelpbutsmile,andthetearscomeevenifIwantedthemnottocome.“Thequestionis,whichhouse?”Chapter29
Bennett
“Areyousurethatyouknowwhatyou’redoing?”Clarabellalooksatme,andIputmyheadbackandgroan.
“I’mprettysureIknowhowtotwistatube,”Itellherasshetapsherpenonthepadinfrontofher.“Unlessit’schangedagain.”
“Ithasnotbeenchanged.”Shesmirks.“WedidhavetoshutdownacoupleofsuggestionsfromTravisandmymother.”
“Oh,God.”Igrabmycupofcoffeeandtakeasip.“DoIwanttoknow?”
“Travisthoughtitwouldbeagreatideatoputyouinnetsandforustokickballsatyouuntiloneofthemexplodedpinkorblue.”Shetapsherfinger.“Thatwasamaybe.”
“Absolutelynot,”Isay,shakingmyhead.
“Wewouldhavegivenyouequipmentsoyoucanhavemorebabies.”Shesmirksatmeandthenlooksdownatmyjunk.
“Gorgeous!”IyellforPresley,whocomesoutofthebedroom.It’sbeenamonthsincewedecidedtomoveintogether.Imean,it’sbeenamonthsinceshesaidweshouldhaveonehome.Ittooktwodayswhilewewereofftogotoherhouseandgrabeverythingthatshewantedtobringover.IttooktwomoredaysbeforeIsawlittlepiecesofheralloverthehouse.Thethrowpillowsonthecouch.Thepicturesofusnowscatteredaroundthehouse.ItwasexactlywhatIpicturedwhenIboughtthishouse.Itwasadreamtome.Wakingwithhereverysingledayandthencominghometoher.Itwaslikeaswitchwasflippedinher,andshewasall-in.Shewouldcallmeduringtheday.Shewouldshowupwithsnacksjustforfuntoseeme.BeforeIthoughtshecaredforme,thereisnomistakingthatshelovesme.Everysingletimeshesaysgoodbye,it’sfollowedwithanIloveyou.
“Yes,dear.”Shesmilesasshewalksdownthestairs.She’swearingatightone-piecedressthatshowsherlittlebelly,herhairispinnedup,andhereyesareshiningasshemakesherwaytome.“I’mhere.”Shehugsmywaist,andIputahandaroundhershoulderandkissherhead.
“Lookathowcuteyoulook.”Clarabellagrinsandclapsherhandsasshelooksherupanddown.
“Well,nowthatitdoesn’tlooklikeIoverateanditactuallylookslikeababybump,Imightaswellflauntit.”Sherubsherbelly.Justthismorning,shegotalittlebitenragedthatshefeltfat.Ittookmefifteenminutesoftalkingherofftheledge.Andbythat,ImeanIwentandboughtacookie,whichthenmadehersmile.
“Youdon’tevenlookpregnantfromtheback,”Clarabellasays,andPresleyjustglaresather.
“Whyareyouevenhere?”Presleyasksherbetweenclenchedteeth.
“Wehavetogooverthegenderrevealdetails.”Clarabellalooksdownatthepadinfrontofher.“Wealreadywentoverdecorationsandtheguestlist.”Clarabellaputsacheck.“AndBennettnixedTravis’sidea.”SheputsanXnexttoitandlooksupatmewithhereyebrowsraised.
“Ialreadynixedthat,”Presleysays.“Notgoingtohappen.”Sheletsgoofmeandwalksovertothefridgeandgrabstheapplejuice.“NeitherisMom’s.”
“ShouldIevenaskwhatthatwas?”Iask,andPresleyshakesherhead.
“Shewantedtodofireworksandthenhaveaplaneflyoveryouandthrowcoloredwateronus,”Clarabellainformsme,andIwanttosaythatnothingsurprisesmewiththem,butthatrightthere.Thattakesthecake.
“Howaboutapinata?”Iask.
“Howaboutno.”Clarabelladoesn’tevenskipabeat.
“Wearegoingtohavethesimplepoppers.”Iholdupmyhand.“Thatshootsoutconfetti.”IlookoveratPresley.
“Iwantthat.”Presleypointsatme.“Nothingextravagant.”
Clarabellathrowsherheadbackandlaughs.“Nothingextravagant,sure.”Sheclosesthebookshewaswritingin.“Okay,whateveryousay.”Shepushesawayfromtheisland.“Anddon’tforgetyouhavetowearpinkorblue.Whateveryouthinkthebabyis.”Shewalksoutthedoor,slammingitbehindher.
“Whycan’twejustfindoutandpickupthephoneandcallpeopleliketheydidintheolddays?”IaskPresley,whojustshakesherhead.
“Thatwouldbewaytooeasy.”Shelaughs.“AreyoudrivingtothedoctororamI?”
Ipushoff,puttingthecoffeecupinthesink.“Youknowwhatwouldreallybefunny,”Isay,grabbingherhandaswewalkoutofthehouse.“Ifshecan’ttellthesexofthebaby,andweputinyellowconfetti.”
“Don’tevenputthatintheuniverse,Bennett,”Presleygritsbetweenclenchedteeth.“Takeitback.”Sheglaresatme,andallIcandoisrollmylipstokeepfromlaughing.
“Doyouthinkmaybeweshouldhavefoundoutthesexofthebabybeforeeveryoneelse?”Presleycomesintothebathroominablushstraplesslacebrawithmatchingpanties,andonelookathermakesmycockrise.“Like,whatifthepoppersgooffandwe’reupset?”
“Isthatbranew?”Iturn,wipingmyhandonthehandtowel.
“Don’tyou‘isthatanewbra’withmeanddon’teventhinkofrippingthesepanties.”Shefoldsherarmsunderhertits,makingthemevenmoreplump.
“That’snothelping.”Iwalktoher.“Wecanalwaysslidethemtotheside.”
“Knock,knock,knock,knock.”Ihearthefrontdoorslamandtiltmyheadtolookather.
“Itdefeatsthepointwhentheyyellknock,knock,knock,knockandtheyarealreadyinthehouse.”Ibendandkissherlips.
“Youcantrytokeepthemout,”shewhispers,“butnothingwillhelp.”Hereyesflydowntomydick.“Youmightwanttoputawayyoursoldierbeforetheycomeup.”
“Whyaretheyevenhere?”Ihiss.“Theytoldustobethereintwentyminutes.Wearen’tevenlate.”
“Um,hello,arewereadytogo?”Wwehearbeingyelledfromthestaircase.“Cansomeoneanswerme,orI’mgoingtothinkthatyouguysareuptheretryingtogetanotherbabyinher.”
“Canyouimagine,”Presleysays.“Alreadythisoneistight.”Sheturnsandwalksoutofthebathroomandtowardthehallway.IsliponshortsandaT-shirtandlookovertoseeherwalkoutinasundress.
“Whydoweneedtogetreadyatthevenue?”Iaskandit’satthatmomentIknowthatI’mnotaskingonemorequestionfortherestoftheday.Evenwhenwegetthereandtheyushermeintoanotherroomsoshecangetglammedup.
“How’reyoudoing?”TravisasksmewhenhecomesintotheroomtenminutesafterIgothere.I’msittingonthecouch,watchingtelevisionwithabucketofbeerinfrontofme.
“ThisisthemostridiculousthingI’veeverdone,”IadmitwhenIdoacirclewiththeremoteinmyhand.“Theywon’tevenletmeseeher.”Myeyeslookupanddown,andIseehimwearingbluepantswithababy-pinkjacket.“Whatthehellareyouwearing?”
“Ididn’twanttopicksides,soI’mneutral,”hesays,andIslapmyleg,laughing,knowingthatthisisnotgoingtogooverwell.
“Didanyoneseeyou?”Hesitsdown,grabbingabeer.
“Nope,andI’mhidinguntilit’stime.”Heshakeshishead,takingapullofthebeer.“Youready?”
“Notevenclose,”Itellhim,andthenwedon’tsayanotherworduntilShelbycomesintheroom.
She’swearingababy-pinkdress.“Okay,sowehavetenminutestogetoutthere.Peoplearealreadymingling.”
Iputmybeerdownonthetableandgetup.“WhereisPresley?”
“She’sgettingintoherdress,”Shelbysays.“Soyouneedtogetintoyoursuit.I’mnotgoingtosayshe’scranky,butI’mnotnotsayingit.”Sheturnsandstartstowalkout.“Nexttimeyouknockherup,I’mleavingforninemonths.”
Iwalkovertothebaby-bluesuitwithawhitebutton-downshirt,leavingthefirsttwobuttonsopenbecauseIknowshelikestokissmenearmycollarbone.“Ifithelps,”Travissays,“youlooksexyasfuck.”Ican’tstopthelaughterthatroarsoutofme.
Wewalkoutoftheroomandheadtowardthepartyspace.“Whoa,”Travissaysbesideme.“Thisis…”
“Whatthefuck?”Imumble,seeingallthedecorations.Therearetwohightablesassoonasyouwalkin,onewithabluetablecloth,theotherwithapink.Betweenthetablesisasignthatsaysoldwives’tales.Littledetailsaretellingyouwhatshecraves,howshesleeps,howhighorlowsheiscarrying.Thereisahugewallfullofpink,blue,andclearballoonsaroundasignthatsaysHeorShe?
Therearebigpinkandblueballoonsallovertheplacewithlongtablesinthemiddleoftheroomwithwhitetableclothsandvasesofpink,white,andblueflowers.“Hi,”Clarabellasayswhenshecomestome,andshe’salsowearingapinkdress,buthersishotpink.“Wearedoingthepoppersinabouttenminutes.”
“WhereisPresley?”Iask,lookingaround,andIseeherwalkingintotheroom,andmychestfillswithevenmorelove.Herblackhairisloose,andshewearsastraplessbaby-pinkdress.Thetopistightuntiljustunderherboobs,andthenitkicksoutwithwhatcanonlybedescribedasthousandsoflayersofdress.It’ssopuffy,butitstopsjustaboveherkneeinthefront,butitfallstothefloorintheback.Iseeherspinasshelooksaround,anditlookslikeeverylayerinthebackhasmoreandmoretulle.
MyfeetwalkontheirownasIwalktowardher.“Youlook…”IsaywhenIgetcloseenough,myarmgoingaroundherwaistandbeingswallowedbythedress.“You’veneverlookedmorebeautiful.”
Shesmilesupatme,hereyesshiningwithhappiness.“Youdon’tlooksobadyourself,”shesaysrightbeforeIbendandkissherlips.Wedon’thavemuchalonetimebeforewearepulledovertothesidewherethereisatablefilledwithpoppers.
“Okay,sowethoughtitwouldbebetterifweallpopone,”Clarabellasays.“Thepictureswillbeamazing.”
IstandbythetableasClarabellatellseverybodyhowit’sgoingtogodown.“Areyounervous?”Ibenddownandwhisperinherear,andallshecandoissmile,butIseetearsinhereyes.
“Idon’tcarewhatwearehavingaslongasthebabyishealthy.”Sheblinksawaythetearsandfansherface.
“Now”—Clarabellahandsuseachapopper—“onthecountofthree.”Shelooksaroundtheroom.“Andthisisbeingfilmed,soifyougobefore,I’mgoingtoknowwhoitis.”Shemovesherfingerbackandfortharoundtheroom.
“She’sscaringourguests,”ImumbleandPresleyjustrollsherlips.
“Okay,people,”Clarabellastartssaying.“One.”
“Iloveyou,”Presleysaysbesideme.
“Two!”Clarabellashouts.
“Iloveyoumore,”Ideclare,andwhenIhearthree,Iturnthebottomofthepopper,andsodoeseveryoneelse.Thepinkconfettifillstheroom,andallIcandoisopenmymouthinshockandhappinessandlookoveratPresley,whohasthesamelookonherface.Shelooksatthepinkconfettifallingonher,andit’satthatmomentthatItakethenextstep.
Igetdownononekneebesideher,andthegaspsfilltheroom,andshelooksoveratme.Sheputsherhandsoverhermouth,andshesobsout.“No,”shesaysevenbeforeIaskanything,andeveryoneintheroomgoesquietaftershesaysthat.“Iwastheonewhohadtopropose.”Sheshakesherhead.“Wehadaplan.”Shepointsathersisters,whonod,agreeingwithher.
“Well,toobad,”Isay,lookingoveratTravis.“Wehadaplanalso.”TraviscomestostandbesidemeandhandsmetheboxthatIgavehimbeforewalkingout.
“Ican’tbelieveyoutwo,”Shelbyhisses.
“Whywouldn’tyoutellme?”ClarabellaglaresatTravis.
“Likeyoutwotoldme?”Travisarguesback.
“Itwasasurprise,”Shelbysnaps.
“Same,”Travisretorts,andthenMrs.Bakersnaps.
“IsweartoGodifthisisonvideoandisbeingrecorded,I’mgoingtohurtsomeone.”Sheturnsandlooksatherkids,whoallholduptheirhands.Thensheturnstomewithasweetsmile.“Goon,dear.”
“Presley,”Ibegin,lookingatherandseeingthetearsrundownherface.“Twelveyearsago.”
“Don’tyoudare,”shesaysbetweenclenchedteeth,andshelooksoverathermother,whoglaresather.“Iwaseighteen,everyone.Relax.”
“LikeIwassaying,twelveyearsago,wewentonourfirstdate.”Ikindofliejustabittothat.“Iknewthatitwasspecial.Ijustdidn’tknowhowspecialitwas.”Igrabherhandandbringittomylips.“ThereisnoonethatIcanpicturebesidemefortherestofmylifebutyou.ThereisnooneIwantbesidemefortherestofmylifebut
“Thisisn’tfair,”shewhines.“Ihadthiswholespeech,andnowit’sgone.”
“Good,”Mrs.Bakersays.“Nowanswerhisquestion.”
“Iwanttocounteryourproposal,”shesays,laughing,
Travisgroans,“Ofcourseshedoes.”Hethrowshishandsintheair.
“I’llaccepttheproposalunderonecondition,”shesays,andIknowthatwhatevershesays,I’mgoingtogiveherbecauseit’sher.It’salwaysbeenher.“Wegetmarriednow.”EpilogueOne
Presley
“I’llaccepttheproposalunderonecondition.”Ilookdownathim,andIcan’thelpbutfeellikeI’vegotthewholeworldnow.LikeI’mliterallyfloatingoncloudnine,butI’mmissingonethingtomakeitevenmorecomplete.Callinghimmyhusband.“Wegetmarriednow.”
“Youcan’tgetmarriednow.”Mymotherputsherhandonherforehead.“Youdon’tevenhaveadress.”
“Icanwearthisone.”IlookdownatthedressI’mwearingnow.“Imean,itwasaweddingdress.Wejustalteredit.”
“Butit’spink,”mymothersaysbetweenclenchedteeth.
“Mom,Idon’tthinkanyoneisgoingtobelieveherifshewalksdowninawhitedress.”Clarabellaleansinandtellsher,“Thatshiphassailed.”
“Atleastsixmonthsago,”Shelbyaddsin,andinreturn,mymotherjustbitesdownevenharderonherteeth.
“I’mdown,”Bennettagrees.“AlthoughIwouldliketochangemysuit.”
“Isecondthat,”Shelbysays.“Youlooklikecottoncandy.”
“No,hedoesn’t.”Ilookdownathim.“Youlookhandsome.”
“Well,hecanlookevenmorehandsome,”Clarabellasuggests,“intheblacktuxthatIbroughtforhim.”Wejustlookather.“Please,thisisn’tourfirstrodeo.”
“Okay,great,”Isay,clappingmyhands.“Let’sgetmemarried.”
“Soisthatayestomarryingme?”Bennettasks,andIseehe’sstillononeknee.
“Ofcourse.”Igrabhisfaceandbenddown.“Yes,yes,yes,”Isay,kissinghislips.“Alwaysyes.”Ismile,andIwipethelipglossoffhislips.“Iwassupposedtoproposetoyou.”
“Overmydeadbody,”hejokes,gettingupnowandkissingme.“Now,howfastcanwegetmarried?”
“Thirtyminutes,”Shelbysays.“Wehavethevenueintheotherroomalreadysetup.”
Ilookathershocked.“Isn’tthatfortheweddingwearehavingthisweekend?”
“That’swhatwetoldyou,”Clarabellasays.“Nowarewestillone-hundredpercentdownwiththisdress?”
Ilookdownatthedressandnodmyhead.“It’sprettyandsassy.”Ilookdown.“It’sme,andIloveit.”IsmileatBennett.“AndIknewthatwhenIputiton,itwaswhatIwantedtogetmarriedin.”
Twentyminuteslater,mymotheriswalkingmedowntheaislewheretheweddinggoesoffwithoutahitch.
Threemonthslater
“Sowhatdidthedoctorsay?”ClarabellaasksmeasIsitonthecouchinmylivingroom.I’mwearingabluesundressbecausenothingelsefitsmeatthispoint.
“Itcanhappenatanyminute,”Ihuff.“I’maweeklateatthispoint.ShesaidthatIcangouptofourteendays.”Ilookdownatthebasketballofmystomach.“I’mgoingtobereally,reallymadifyoustayinhereanothersevendays.”Irubmystomach.“Sheisexactlywhereshe’ssupposedtobe.”
“Hereyougo.”Bennetthandsmetheglassofapplejuice,andIsmileupathim.Hebendsandkissesmylips.
“Thankyou,”Isay,andhepicksupmyfeetfromthecouchandsitswiththeminhislap.
“Butwhatdidyouguysdecide?”Shelbycomesoverfromthekitchenwithaplateoffruitforherselfassheoffersmesome.“Like,didyouaskhowmanycanbeintheroom?”
“Shesaidit’sthehusbandandasupportperson.”Irepeatwhatthedoctorsaid.“YouguyscanfightwithMom.”
“Bennett,”Clarabellacallsouttohim.“Doyoureallywanttobeinthere?”Irollmylipswhenallhedoesislookatherlikeshe’soutofhermind.“Imean,you’vealreadyseenhervaginaindetail.Doyouwanttoseeitwithahumancomingoutofit?”Iclosemyeyesnow,notevenwillingtopicturemyownvaginathewayshedescribedit.
“I’monethousandpercentsurethatIwanttowatchmychildbeingborn,”hesays,andIopenmyeyeswhenIfeelwetnessbetweenmylegs.
ImovemylegsoffBennettandstand.“IthinkIpeedmyself,”Isay,andmysisters’eyesflytothemiddleofmylegs.
“Youthink?”Clarabellasitsup.“Thereislikewaterdrippingdownyourleg.”
“OhmyGod.”Shelbyallbutthrowstheplateoffruit.“It’shappening.”
“What’shappening?”Bennettsitsupandlooksdown.“It’sleakingeverywhere.”
“It’sherwater,”Clarabellasays,runningupthestairs.“I’llgetthebag.”Shewalksintoourbedroom.“Whydoesitsmelllikecoconutoilandsexinyourroom?”
“Eww,”Shelbysays.“Didyoudoanal?”
“What?”Ishriek.“Whywouldyouevenaskthat?”
“I’veheardcoconutoilhelpsmakethingseasy,”Shelbysays,andIlookoveratBennett,whoisstandingthereinshockwithhisfistrightinfrontofhismouth.
“Idon’twanttotouchanythinginthisroom,”Clarabelladeclares,comingout.“Ineedto,Idon’tknow,likebleachmywholebody.”Shedumpsmyhospitalbagbymyfeet.“Shit,thebabybag?”Sherunsupthestairsandstops.“Whythehellareyouguysevenhavingsex?”Sheholdstherailing,lookingatus
“Thedoctorsaiditcouldhelp,”Bennettsaysinhisdefense.
“Youhadsexthismorning,”Shelbyaccuses,andIlookather.“Andthenwenttoseethedoctorwithyourvagfullofsperm.”Shefakevomits.“Whatiswrongwithyou?”ShelooksfrommetoBennett,whoputshishandsonhishead.“I’mtellingMom.”
I’mabouttosaysomethingtoherwhenasharppainripsthroughme,andIscream,holdingthecouch.“Whatthefuckwasthat?”Ipantout.“I’mdying.”Iputmyhandonmystomach.
“Let’sgetyouinthecar.”BennettkeepscalmwhileShelbygrabsmybag,andClarabellafinallyreturnswiththebabybag.
ItakeacoupleofstepsbeforeIhavetostopagain.“Aggggghhhh,”Igroan,grabbingmystomach.“I’msorry,butthisisnotwhatitsaidinthebook.”IlookatBennett,whoisjusttryingtogetmeintothecar.Heholdsmyelbowashewalkswithme.“Thatfeltlikesomeonestabbedmewithaknife.”
“Wewillgetyoutothehospital,”Bennettassuresmeasweallpileinthecar.
“Someoneisgoingtohavetotimethecontractions,”Bennettordersashepullsoutofthedriveway.
“Onit,”Shelbysays,takingoutherphone.“Justletmeknow.”
Ilookoverather,andanotheronecomes.“Now,”Isayrightbeforemorewaterpoursoutofme.“OhmyGod.”Ilookdown.“It’slikeI’msittinginapuddleofwater.”
Thewindowinthebackispulleddown,andClarabellasticksherheadout.“I’mgoingtobesick.”Thewindblowsherhairback.“Youneedtosellthecar.Whoisgoingtositinhervaginajuice?”
“OhmyGod,”Isay,lookingdown.“Howmuchwaterisinme?”IlookatBennett,who,atthispoint,hasturnedapalewhite.“Herecomesanotherone.”Istartmybreathing.“Thatwasn’tsobad.”IlookbackatShelby.“Howmuchtimebetween?”
“What?”sheasksandlooksdownatthephoneinherhand.“Iforgottopressthebutton.”
“OhmyGod!”Iyellout.
“It’snotmyfault.”Shelbystartspuffingout.“Ihaveherinthebackwithherheadstickingoutofthecarlikeadog.IhaveyouinthefrontleakingIdon’tevenknowwhat.”Sheputsherhandtoherhead.“IthinkI’mgoingtofaint.”
“Itdoesn’tmatter.Weareherenow,”Bennettstatesashepullsintotheparkinglotatthehospital.Heparksthecar.“Fuck,”hesays,lookingatme.“Ididn’tcallthedoctor.”
“Well,I’msuresomeonewillcallher,”Shelbysays,openingthedoorandgrabbingthebags.
Clarabellagetsoutofthecarandopensthedoorforme.“Letmehelpyou.”Sheholdsoutherhand,andIgrabit,puttingonefootoutandthentheother.Istandanddripallover.Clarabellalooksdownatthewateronherfeet.“It’sfine,”shesays.“It’snotfine.It’snotfine.”Sheletsgoofmyhand.“Idon’tvolunteerastribute.”Sheshakesherhead.“Idon’tevenwanttobeinthere.I’mout.”
“Oh,wouldyoustopit.”Shelbypusheshertothesideandhandsherthebag.“Canwegetherinside?”
ButBennetthasmebythehand,andwearealreadywalkinginside.“Ofalldaysforyourwatertobreak,youthinkit’sagoodideatodoitwithyoursistershere,”hemumblesashepressesthebuttontotheelevator.
“YouthinkIplannedthis?”Ilookathim.“Thisisnotlikeitwassupposedtogo,”Iremindhim,rightbeforethebiggestcontractionofmyliferunsthroughme.Iliterallyhavetobendover.“OhmyGod,”IpantasIgetintotheelevatorwithmysisters.
“Whatfloor?”Shelbyasksme,andIjustlookather.“Oh,fortheloveofGod,”shehissesandstepsoutoftheelevator,stoppingthefirstpersonshesees.“Maternity?”
“Eighthfloor,”themansays,andShelbyturns,rushingbackintotheelevatorandpressingeightfivemilliontimes.
“ThankGodyoupresseditthatmanytimes.Itmakestheelevatorgofaster,”Clarabelladeadpansandlooksatme.“She’sleakingallovertheelevator.”Sheturnsandputsherforeheadagainstthewalloftheelevator.“ShouldIpresstheemergencybuttonandbelikecleanuponaisleeight?”shemimics,andifIwasn’tinsomuchpain,Imightevenlaugh.
Theelevatordoorsopen,andIwaddleout,walkingtothedesk.“Hi,”Bennettsays.“Mywifeishavingababy.”
“Obviously,she’shavingababy.Whyelsewouldyoubehere?”Shelbysays.
“She’sleakingeverywhere,”Clarabellapointsout.“Like,shemusthavezerowaterleftinsideher.”
Thenurselooksatallofus,andItrytosaysomething,butallIcandoisholdthedeskinfrontofme.“She’sinactivelabor.”
“She’sdoingsomething,”Clarabellasays.“Wetriedtimingstuffbut…”
“Rightthisway,”thenursesays,andItrytofollowher,butIhavetostop,andsherunstogetawheelchair.
“Youshouldputatowelonthat,”Clarabellaurges,butIjustsit,andithurtsmybutt.
“Ifeelpressure,”Itellthenursewhorushesintotheroom.
“Whatelsedoyoufeel?”sheasks.“Pleasegetintothebed.”
“Ifeellikesomeoneistryingtogetoutofmyvagina,”Itellher.“Like,literallycrawloutofmelikeaTransformer.”
“Oh,goodGod,”Bennettsaysashehelpsmegetintothebed,butapainripsthroughme,andallIcandoisputmyelbowsonthebedasIrockfromsidetoside.
“Whendidthisallstart?”sheasks,andIlookatmysisters.
“Idon’tknow,”Shelbysays.“Weweresittingdown.Theyhadjustcomehomefromthedoctor.”
“Didshetearyourmembranes?”thenurseasksme,andIjuststareather.“Okay,let’sseewhat’sgoingon,”shesays,andIopenmylegs.
“Isthatblood?”BennettasksasItrytolookdownthere,butwithmystomach,Ican’tseeshit.Hecomesovertomysideandholdsmyhand.“It’sokay.”
“Whatisit?”IlookatShelby,whohasherhandsonhercheeks.“Isitbad?”
“Couldbethemucusplug,”thenurseexplains.
“I’mnever,everhavingachild,”Clarabelladeclaresassheputsahandtohermouth.“Ican’tdoit.”
Thenursecutsoffmypanties,andshegasps.“Oh,my,she’scrowning,”shesays,andIhavenoideawhatthatmeans.Shespringsupandrunsovertothemonitor.“Wehaveacrowninginroomseven,”thenursesays,lookingatme.“WeneedaheatedbedandadoctorSTAT.”
“Whatcanwedotohelp?”Shelbyasks,lookingaround.
“Gokeepmomcalm,”thenursesays,motioningtomewithherchin.“Whateveryoudo,don’tpush.”
“Don’tpush?”Iyellout.“Ineeddrugs.”Ilookather.“It’sinmybirthplan.I’mnotdoingthiswithoutdrugs.”
“Oh,wearewaypastthat,”sheannounces,andsherunsoutoftheroom.
“IhaveacoupleofXanax,”Clarabellasays,goingforherpurse.“Ifyouchewthem,theymightkickin,andyou’llbeasleepbeforeyourememberanyofthis.”
“Okay,people.”Amancomesinclappinghishands,followedbyfourotherpeoplewithabed,andIdon’tevenknowwhat.
“Coverher,”ShelbytellsBennett.
“He’sthedoctor,”Bennettsays.“He’sgoingtoseealotmorethanthat.”
“Okay,weneedtogetherundressed,”thenursesays.
“Justcutitoff,”Clarabellasays,andIjuststareather.“Like,youarenevergoingtowearthisdressagain.It’sgotbodilyfluidonitandmucusandallthatstuff.”
I’mabouttoyellatherwhenasharppaincomes.“OhmyGod!”Iyellwhentheburningfillsmyvagina.It’slikeapotofhotwaterisbeingthrownupinmyvagina.“Itburns.”
“Whatisthat?”Clarabellaasks,standingnexttothedoctorlookingstraightatmyvagina.“Whyisitred?”Shelooksatme.“Whyisitsopuffy?”
“Okay,sowearegoingtostarttopushthenexttimeacontractioncomes,”thedoctorexplains.“Weareallgoingtocounttoten.”Ifeelthepaincoming,thetightnessstartsrightaway,andIgroan.“Okay,andpush,”thedoctorsays,andIpushastheycount.
“OhmyGod,theheadiscoming,”Clarabellasays,leaningnexttothedoctor’sheadandallhecandoissmileather.“It’sagirl,”sheinformshim,andIdon’thaveanytimetosayanythingwhileanotheronestartstocome.
“Okay,Iwantyoutopushlikeyouhavetotakeabigpoop,”thenursetellsme.“Andgo.”
“Youcandothis,”Bennettsoothesfrombesideme,kissingmyforehead.
“Ididn’tthinkyourvaginacouldgetbigger,”Clarabellasays.“Iwaswrong.”
“Damn,”Shelbysayswhenshelooksdown,andBennettisabouttogoandlook,andIsqueezehishand.
“Don’tyoudare,”Iwarnbetweenclenchedteeth.
“Don’tdoit,bro,”Clarabellaagrees.“You’llneverlookatitthesame.”Sheshakesherheadandlooksaway.
“Push,”thedoctorsays,andIpushwitheverythingthatIhave.MyeyescloseasIhearthemcount.
“OhmyGod,thewholeheadisout,”Clarabellasays,andsheputsherhandonherhead.“It’slikeahumanheadiscomingoutofher.”
“Don’tpush,”thedoctorsays,andIdon’thavetoguesswhathe’sdoingbecauseClarabellatellsme.
“He’sliterallyturningthebaby’shead,”shesaysbetweenclenchedteeth.“Isthatsafe?”Shelooksatthedoctor,whojustlaughsather.
“ThisisthemostfunI’veeverhad,”thedoctorsays,laughing.“Okay,Ithinkonemorepush,andwearegoingtohavetheshouldersout,andthenitshouldbesmoothsailing.”
“Idon’tknowifIcandothat,”Isay,gettingsuddenlysotired.“Ithurts.”
“Yougotthis,”Bennettcoaches,andItakeabigbreathin.“Ifanyonecandothis,youcan.”
“Yougotthis,”Shelbyencouragesfrombesideme.
“Ihavefaithinyou,”Clarabellasays.“Imean,atthispoint,you’reahero.”
ThenurseputsablanketonmystomachwhenIbeardown,andwhenwegettoseven,thedoctorlooksatme.“Herewego,”hesays,andIdon’tknowwhathemeans,butonesecondlater,he’splacingmybabyonmystomach.“Wehaveababy,”hesays,butmyarmsarealreadyaroundherasthesobsripthroughme.
“Mybaby,”Isay,lookingdownatherwithBennett’sheadnexttomine.“Wehaveababy,”Itellhim,andhe’sgothisowntearsrunningdownhisface.“Hi,honey,”Isay,kissingthebabyassheblinkshereyesatus.“Welcometotheworld,babygirl.”EpilogueTwo
Fiveyearslater
Bennett
“Areyouready,myprincess?”Iputtheapplejuicebackinthefridgeandlookoveratmydaughter,Violet,whoissittingattheisland.
“Ineedmybow,Daddy,”shesays,turningandgettingoffherstoolasshehopstowardthecouchwheresheleftherhairtie.“Youdoitforme,Daddy?”Shecomesbackandhandsittome.
“Um…”Ilookatthetieinmyhandandatmydaughter’sblackhair.“HowaboutweaskMommytodoit?”
“Youcan’tdoit?”Violetputsherhandsonherhipsandtiltsherhip.Herblueeyesjustlookatme.“AuntieClarabellasaysgirlsruntheworldanyway.”Violetshrugsatme.“It’sokay,Daddy.YoucancutthegrassbetterthanMommy.”
Idon’tevenknowwhattosaytoher.“Thanks.”Ibendandpickherup.“Forthevoteofconfidence,”Isay,grabbingmykeys.“Andjustsoyouknow,boysandgirlsruntheworld.”IkisshernoseasIputherinherboosterseat,andshepushesmyhandaway.
“Icandoitmyself,”Violettellsme,andIjustlookather.Sheisthestampofhermother.Thereisnodenyingthatsheishermini-me.ButsheisalsothemostindependentkidI’veevermet.Shehastodoeverythingherself,evenifshecan’tdoit,shewilltrytodoit,andonlywhenshegetstoherwit’sendwillshelookforhelp,buteventhen,it’slikepullingteethforhertoaskforit.Theotherday,wewereoutsideinthebackyard,andshewastryingtoclimbthemonkeybars.Insteadofaskingmetoholdherorspother,shediditbyherself.Shefelloverandoveragainbutgotup,andafterfourfuckinghours,shecrossedit.“ArewegettingStarbucksforMommy?”
“Nottoday.”Igetintothedriver’sseatandlookintherearviewmirrortomakesureshe’sbuckledproperly.“Theyaredoingtastetests.”
“Oh,myfavorite.”Violetclapsherhands.“Ilikethecakes.”Ishakemyhead.FromwhenshewasthreemonthsoldandPresleywentbacktowork,itwaswithVioletstrappedtoherchestorbeingpushedinthestroller.Whereshewent,sodidourdaughter,whoisnowafixtureintheoffice.Itisgoingtobestrangewhenshewillbeinschoolallday,butIhavenodoubtshe’llberunningthatkindergartenclasswithpointersforherteachers.
Evendrivingtotheoffice,sheistellingmewhentoturn.WhenIparknexttoPresley’sSUV,sheunbucklesherselfandhasthedooropen.Shehopsdownandwalksaheadofme,pullingopenthedoor,andIhearhershriek,“Sofiaishere!”SherunsinsideasIholdthedooropen.“Ididn’tknowyouweregoingtobehere.”
“Surprise,”Sofiasays,squattingdowninfrontofherandgivingherahug.“Andguesswhat?”ShetapsViolet’snose.“I’mstayingallsummer.”Violetjumpsupanddown.“I’mgoingtoneedyoutoshowmewhattodo.”Shesmilesatherandstandsup.
“Hi,”Isay,raisingmyhand.“Howareyoudoing?”
“Good.”ShesmilesandholdsoutherhandtoholdViolet’s.“It’sgoodtobeback.”
“Wealwaysarehappywhenyouarehere,”Itellher.Sincesheturnedsixteen,shewascomingdownandvisitingHarlow.Shesaidshecamedowntohelpherwiththebaby,butshecametoworkwithClarabellaoneday,andwell,shefellinlovewiththewholething.Shegraduatedhighschooltwoyearsagoandhasbeentakingbusinessclasses.Shehastwomoreyearstogo,butit’ssafetosaysheismostlikelygoingtoenduptakingoverthebusinesseventually.
“Howisschool?”Iask,andIcanseehereyesgetguarded.
“Good.”ShelooksdownatViolet.“Doyouwanttohelpmesetuptheplates?”
“Yes,”Violetsays,jumpingupanddown
IlookdownthehallwaywhenIheartheclickingofheelsandseemywifecomingtowardus.Ican’thelpbutsmileatherwhenoureyesmeet.SheseesViolettalkingtoSofia,soshecomestome.“Hello,gorgeous.”Iwrapmyarmaroundherwaistandbendtokissher.“How’reyoufeeling?”
“Tired,”shesays,leaningherheadonmyshoulder.Sheisfiveweekspregnant,andwejustfoundout.Wedecidedthatitwasnowornever,andwell,asalwaysittookonetime,andshewaspregnant.“ThankGodSofiadecidedtotakeusuponthesummerinternjob,”shesays,lookingoverather.“Imean,notthatsheneedsit.She’sbeenhelpingussincesheturnedsixteen.”Presleylaughs.“SomuchforstayingonthefarmandbecomingaveterinarianlikeHarlow.”
“I’mgoingtogoandgeteverythingsetupforthemeeting,”Sofiasays,andPresleyjustnodsherhead.
“Um,Violet?”shecallstoourdaughter.“Wherearemyhugandkiss?”SheputsherhandsonherhipslikeVioletdidtomenottoolongago.Violetrollshereyes,andIhavetolookdownandnotshowherI’mabouttolaugh.“Whereisyourbow?”sheasksViolet.
“Daddycouldn’tdoit.”Sheleansinandtriestowhisper,butitdoesn’tcomeoutasawhisper.
“Icandoit,”Sofiasays.“Let’sgetyoudressedforsuccess.”SheholdsoutherhandforViolet,whogoesovertoher.
Theywalkoutthedoortothecar,andPresleygetsup,standinginfrontofme.“God,yousmellgood,”Isay,bringingherclosertome.“Shallwegointotheoffice?”
“Well,whenyoutwistmyarmthatway,”sheteasesassheleadsmebackintoheroffice,wherewegointothebathroomandhaveaquickie.Shepullsherskirtdownaftershecleansup,andwewalkouttogether.
“Youguysarefuckingdisgusting,”Shelbydeclares,holdingArya,hersix-month-olddaughter,inherarms.“Therearechildreninthebuilding.”SheholdsherhandsoverArya’sears.IwishIcouldsayIwasembarrassed,butwiththesethree,nothing,andImeannothing,couldembarrassme.
“Iheardyouguysfrommyoffice.”Clarabellawaddlesintotheroom.She’ssixmonthspregnant,butfromthesizeofher,she’shavingaturkey.I’mstillshockedshe’shavingachild.“Iwasbothdisgustedandimpressed.”
“Okay,arewegoingtostartthismeeting?”Shelbysays.“BeforeSofiacomesin.”
“I’msoexcited,Clarabella.”Presleyclapsherhands.“She’sgoingtobesoshocked.”
IlookatPresley.“WeareofficiallyofferingSofiaafull-timepositionassoonasshefinishesschool.”
“Timetohandoverthereins,”Shelbysays.
“Well,”Presleysays,“it’sherstotake.”
TwoYearsLater
Sofia
“You’vegotthis,”Clarabellasaysfrombehindherdesk.
“Justremember,noneofusknewwhatthehellweweredoing,”Presleytellsmeasshenurseshersonfromthecouchwhileherothersonisbouncinginthesaucerrightinfrontofher.Irishtwinsarewhatwecallthem.Shelbycallsthemawalkingbirthcontrolsponsor.
“Andifyouneedanything,wearehere,”Shelbyremindsme,andIgrabmypad.
“I’vegotthis.”ItrytosoundmoresureofmyselfthanIreallyam.“I’vegotthis.”
“Whorunstheworld?”Clarabellasays.
“Boysandgirls,accordingtoViolet,”Ijokewithher.
“Getoutofmyofficeandgonailthatcouple.”Shepointsatthedoorandturnsandwalksout.
Mystomachhasbeeninknotssincelastweekwhentheyhandedmethisclient.IknewIcoulddoit.Ijusthavestagefright.“Herewego,”IsayasIpullopenthedoortothevenuewherethecoupleisstandingwiththeirbackstome
Ilookdownatmynudeheelsforasecond,andwhenIlookup,everythinginsidemestops.Therestandinginfrontofmewithablondgirlholdinghishandismyfirstlove,MatthewPetrov.
DearestLove,
Sigh,whatcanIsay?Ijustcan’tsaygoodbyejustyet.
EspeciallynowthatSofiahastakenover.
Thestarshavealigned,anditlookslikenotonlyisherfirstlovebackinherlife,butshehastoplanhiswedding.
Willhewalkdowntheaisle?
Whowillbethebride?
Youknowwhattheysay.
Onlytimewilltell
UntilJuly2023
LoveNM
WHENTWOWORLDSCOLLIDENOONEKNOWSWHATISGOINGTOHAPPEN
MineToTake
SofiaBarnes
I’vealwayslovedtoplaydress-up.
Creatingfakeweddingswasmychildhoodpastime.
Nowitismydreamcometrue.
I’vefinallybeenhandedmyfirstclient.
ButnothingcouldpreparemeforwhogreetedmewhenIwalkedin.
Hewasmyfirstkiss,myfirsteverything,includingmyfirstandonlyheartbreak.
NowIhavetoplanhiswedding.
MatthewPetrov
Myfamilyisfilledwithhockeyroyalty
Frommygrandfathertomyuncletomyfather.
Nowitismyturntoworkmywayuptheleaderboard.
IhadeverythingthatI’veeverwantedinmylife.
OrsoIthought.
Nothingcouldpreparemeforcomingface-to-facewithSofia.
Iknewherinsideandout.
Sheknewmyinnersecrets.
Twoyearsago,Ilethergo,andnowshe’splanningmyweddingtosomeoneelse.
Theysaytimehealsoldwounds.Theylied.
Maybeshewasjustminetotake.
MineToTakeBooksByNatashaMadison
SouthernWeddingSeries
MineToKiss
MineToHave
MineToHold
MineToCherish
MineToLove
MineToTake
MineToKeep
MinetoHonor
TheOnlyOneSeries
OnlyOneKiss
OnlyOneChance
OnlyOneNight
OnlyOneTouch
OnlyOneRegret
OnlyOneMistake
OnlyOneLove
OnlyOneForever
MadeForSeries
MadeForMe
MadeForYou
MadeForUs
MadeforRomeo
SOUTHERNSERIES
SouthernChance
SouthernComfort
SouthernStorm
SouthernSunrise
SouthernHeart
SouthernHeat
SouthernSecrets
SouthernSunshine
ThisIs
ThisIsCrazy
ThisIsWild
ThisIsLove
ThisIsForever
HollywoodRoyalty
HollywoodPlayboy
HollywoodPrincess
HollywoodPrince
SomethingSeries
SomethingSoRight
SomethingSoPerfect
SomethingSoIrresistible
SomethingSoUnscripted
SomethingSoBOXSET
TemptSeries
TemptTheBoss
TemptThePlayboy
TemptTheHookup
TemptTheEx
Heaven&HellSeries
HellandBack
PiecesofHeaven
Heaven&HellBoxSet
LoveSeries
PerfectLoveStory
UnexpectedLoveStory
BrokenLoveStory
MixedUpLove
FauxPasFREEBOOK!
Doyouwantafreebookthatisnotavailableonanyotherretailers?Nowisyourchance:
FREEBOOK!!!
Iwouldlovetokeepintouchwithyou!
Website
Facebook
Instagram
Goodreads
Reader’sGroup
© Copyright Notice
The copyright of the article belongs to the author. Please do not reprint without permission.
THE END
No comments yet