Sincerely,YourInconvenientWifeTheHarderTheyFallJuliaWolf
Togettingupafteryou’reknockeddownandmakingyourownkindofbeautiful.
Copyright?Sincerely,YourInconvenientWifebyJuliaWolf
Allrightsreserved.
Noportionofthisbookmaybereproducedinanyformwithoutwrittenpermissionfromthepublisherorauthor,exceptaspermittedbyU.S.copyrightlaw.
Editedby:MonicaBlack,WordNerdPublishing
Proofreadingby:MyBrother’sEditor
CoverDesign:Y’AllThatGraphic.
Photoby:MichelleLancasterContents
1.ChapterOne
2.ChapterTwo
3.ChapterThree
4.ChapterFour
5.ChapterFive
6.ChapterSix
7.ChapterSeven
8.ChapterEight
9.ChapterNine
10.ChapterTen
11.ChapterEleven
12.ChapterTwelve
13.ChapterThirteen
14.ChapterFourteen
15.ChapterFifteen
16.ChapterSixteen
17.ChapterSeventeen
18.ChapterEighteen
19.ChapterNineteen
20.ChapterTwenty
21.ChapterTwenty-one
22.ChapterTwenty-two
23.ChapterTwenty-three
24.ChapterTwenty-four
25.ChapterTwenty-five
26.ChapterTwenty-six
27.ChapterTwenty-seven
28.ChapterTwenty-eight
29.ChapterTwenty-nine
30.ChapterThirty
31.ChapterThirty-one
32.ChapterThirty-two
33.ChapterThirty-three
34.ChapterThirty-four
35.ChapterThirty-five
36.ChapterThirty-six
37.ChapterThirty-seven
38.ChapterThirty-eight
39.ChapterThirty-nine
40.ChapterForty
41.ChapterForty-one
42.ChapterForty-two
43.ChapterForty-three
44.ChapterForty-four
Epilogue
DearGrumpyBoss
Playlist
StayInTouch
Thankyouto…
AboutJuliaChapterOne
Saoirse
ThethingaboutalwayssayingyeswassometimesIwoundupregrettinghowindiscriminateIwas.
Thoseregretsusuallydidn’tlast,though.Ialmostalwaysfoundabrightside,eveninthemostboring,tedious,anduncomfortablesituations.
Ididn’tregrettonight’s“yes”yet,andIdoubtedIwould.SpendingmyeveninginapenthouseunlikeanyI’deverseenwasworthitfortheexperiencealone.
Karapressedintomysideaswemadeourfirstroundthroughthespaciouslivingroom,withitstwenty-footceilingsandunobstructedviewsfromeveryangle.EventhecurvedstaircaseleadingtothesecondfloorhadLuciterailstonotblockthelightstreaminginfromthedouble-deckerwindows.
ImadeamentalnotetoventureontothebalconylateronceKarafoundthemanwho’dinvitedherheretonight.
Thiswasn’thishome,butaccordingtoKara,he’dbeengivenpermissionbytheowner—hiscousintwiceremovedorsomethinglikethat—toholdapartyhere.
Ihopedthatwastrue.Andifitwasn’t,IhopedIhadenoughtimetoexplorebeforewewereallkickedoutorarrestedfortrespassing.
“Whereishe?”NudgingKarawithmyelbow,Itookstockofthefairlyplentifulcrowd.Everyonewasbeautiful,fittinginwellwiththemagnificentspace.Womendrippinginjewelsanddesignerdressesamidcouchesshapedforstyleratherthancomfort.Meninbespokesuits,poweremanatingfromtheirstances,standingaroundsculpturesmadeofmarbleandsteel,probablyworthmillions
Kara,whowasmoreofanacquaintancethanaclosefriend,wasshaking.Sinceweweren’tclose,itwashardtotellifitwasfromexcitementornerves.Althoughwhyshewouldbenervous,Ididn’tknow.Withherhourglassframe,softebonywaves,andcherry-reddressthatmoldedtohereverycurve,shefitinwiththiscrowdtoaT
“Idon’tseehim.”Shehookedherarmwithmine.“Don’tleaveme.I’lldiebeforeIwalkaroundthispartyalone.”
“IhavenoplansofleavingyouuntilyoufindyourVincent.”
“Butyoucan’tleaveevenwhenIfindhim.Ifyoudo,he’llknowIonlycameforhim.”
Ituggedhertoamirroredbarsetagainstoneofthefewwallsinthewide-openspace.There,IpouredusbothagenerousglassofPinotGrisandhandedherone.Shetookalongpull,swallowingalmosthalfthewineintheglass.
“Howmanyroomsdoyouthinkareinthisplace?”Iaskedundermybreath.
“Fivebedrooms,sixbaths,eight-thousandsquarefeet,”sheansweredfartooquicklyandwithentirelytoomuchprecision.
“Haveyoubeenherebefore?”
“No.”Hershoulderlifted.“IlookedituponlinewhenVincentgavemetheaddress.”
“Whoseplaceisitagain?”
Sheshruggedagain.“Hejustsaidarelativehe’sstayingwithwhilehe’sintheUS.”
Itwasbeginningtolookmoreandmorelikethiseveningwouldconcludewithmedashingfortheexitstoavoidanothertrespassingarrest.
JustwhenI’dresignedmyselftothefactthatVincenteitherwasn’trealorhewasn’thereatall,agrinningmanwithaboisterousItalianaccentinasuitthatfithisbodylikeasecondskinstrodetowardus,hisarmsoutstretched.
“Kara,youhavecome.Iwasgettingworried,bella.”Heclaspedhershouldersandleanedin,kissingbothhercheeks.
Herarmunhookedfromminethemomentshe’dspottedhim.Shewentastepfurthertodistanceherselffrommenowthatherdreamguyhadarrivedbymovinginfrontofme.Atthatpoint,IwasshockedIhadn’treceivedashovetotopitalloff.
ToobadKarawasasmidgeoverfivefeettallandIwasahairsbreadthundersix.Blockingmefromviewwasimpossible.Buthermessagehadbeenreceivedloudandclear.Iturnedtowardthebaragain,refillingmymostlyfullglass.
“Andwhoisthisyoubroughtwithyou?”
Myshouldersstiffenedattherowdyvoicedrawingnear.Iwashereforthevibes,nottopoachKara’sman.ButIcouldn’texactlystareatthewallallevening.
Islowlyturnedaround,makingeyecontactwithKarafirst.Hersflared,andherheadtippedsubtlytotheside.Inoddedonceinunderstanding.
“Hello.It’snicetomeetyou.”Istartedtoholdoutmyhand,thenaccidentallyonpurposejerkedmyotherhand,sloshingwineontothebodiceofmydress.Luckily,itwasblackandthewinewaswhite.Mysacrificewouldn’tdolong-lastingdamage.“Ohno.Imadeamessofmyself.”
Vincentpulledasilkyhandkerchieffromhispocket.“Adreadfulshame,bella.Toruinsuchalovelydress.”Hecameclose,hisintenttoblotthewetspotsonmychestandstomachclear.Karalatchedontohiselbow.
“IthinkSaoirseshouldtakecareofthatherself,Vinny.Istherearestroomnearby?”shecooed.
Hislidslowered,andsomeofthepuffinhischestdeflated.Isupposedhe’dbeenlookingforwardtopattingmedown.Hewouldhavebeenseverelydisappointedsincemytitswereprimarilymadeofareallygoodpush-upbraandhopesanddreams.
IscrambledinthedirectionVincentpointed,notescapingsoonenough,judgingbythepointedglareKarashotme.Irememberedthenwhyweweren’tclose.Iconsideredmyselftobeagirl’sgirl,whileKarawasmoreeverymanforhimself.Oneonone,shecouldbefun,buttossaguyintothemix,evenoneIwasn’ttheslightestbitinterestedin,andtheclawscameout.
Throwingwineonmyselfhadbeenhalfanexcusetoleave.Theotherhalfhadbeenself-preservation.
Unfortunatelyformeandmysoddendress,thebathroomoffthelivingroomhadalineofpeoplewaitingtouseit.ThewomanatthefrontrolledhereyeswhenIpeeredatthecloseddoor.
“Someone’sfuckinginthere,”shedeadpanned.
Alaughburstoutofme.Whenshedidn’tlaughwithme,Irealizedshewasn’tjoking.ThenIheardthemoansandskinslappingandcontinuedonmymerryway,followingthehallwaydeeperintothecondo.Surely,withsixbathrooms,therewouldn’tbealineatallofthem.Thewetspotsonmydressweregettingcold,andmyskinwasstartingtofeelsticky.
ThefirstroomIcameuponseemedtobeaden.Thecouchesactuallylookedcozyandplush.Myattentioncaughtonathrowblankethangingoveroneofthewindows.Someonehadhaphazardlytackeditupthere.ComparedtowhatI’dseenoftherestofthecondo,thistouchstuckoutlikeasorethumb,whichintriguedmeaboutitsowner.
BeforeIcouldcheckouttherestoftheroom,Ihadtodrymyselfoffalittle.IlockedmyselfintheattachedbathroomandfoundatowelIusedtosoakupasmuchwineasIcould.
Oncethatproblemwasmostlysolved,Ilookedaroundthespaciousbathroom.I’dbeeninsidemanynicehomesinmylife.Mybestfriendandroommate,Elise’sboyfriend,Weston,livedinthepenthouseofourbuilding.Thiskindofplacewasn’tbrandnewtome,buttherewassomethingaboutitthatwasanotchaboveeverythingelseIhadeverseen.Theart,themodernity,thenodtoluxuryinthemorepublicspacesandcomfortintheprivatespacesliketheden.Ireallylongedtoexploretherestoftheplace
Thebathtubwasfreestandinginfrontofawallofwindows.Foramoment,Iimaginedmyselfhavingabubblebathandwatchingthesunset.
ThenImovedon.
Thepartyseemedtohavefilledinmore.Iwovethroughtheminglingcrowd,wonderingifthefuckingcouplehadvacatedthebathroomyet.KaraandVincentwereinasmallgroupnearthewindows.She’dtuckedherselftohisside,butwhenhereyesflickeredtome,shetriedtomergeherselfwithhisribs.
Unoffended,Igaveherasmileandstrodedirectlytothebartofillmywineglass.ThenIfoundsomecheeseandcrackers,whichIfoldedinsideapapernapkin,andcarriedmylootbacktothecozyden.
AsmuchasIwouldhavelikedtonoseaboutthisgloriouscondo,Ihadmanners,soIwouldrefrain.Thoughsomemightsayeatingcrackersonastranger’scouchinaroomIhadn’tbeeninvitedintowasrudeinandofitself,andIwouldn’targuethatpoint.
ButnoonewasaroundtotellmeIwasn’tallowedinhere,soIkickedoffmyheels,sankdownonthecushions,andrelaxed.ChapterTwo
Luca
Myheadthrobbed.Witheachbeatofmyheart,itexpandedandcontracted,skull,graymatter,thewholepackage.
Ithadbeenalongday.Alongtwoweeks,ifIwascounting.Andtherewasnoendinsight.I’dacceptedthat,buttoday’sseriesofmeetingshadbeenthecauseofthespikeinmyskull.
Ifmyheadhadbeenpoundingless,Iwouldn’thavebotheredgettingontheelevatortomycondo.Ridingmybikeinthisconditionwasn’tsmart,though.Thatwasn’ttosaytherewasn’tatimeintherecentpastIwouldhavethrowncautiontothewindandgoneforarideanyway.
Astheconsultantshaddrilledintometoday,myageofrecklessnesshadended.
Isteppedofftheelevatorandopenedthedoorleadingtomyentryway,whereIwasgreetedbylights,music,people.Somewhereintherecessesofmytiredmind,Irememberedmycousin,Vin,whowasherefromItalyforanundisclosedperiodoftime,hadaskedifhecouldhaveafewpeopleover
Thiswasmorethanafewpeople.Atleastfiftystrangersweremillingaroundmylivingroom.
Ishouldn’thavebeensurprised.ItwastypicalVin.Hehadfriends,acquaintances,andbusinesspartnersoneverycorneroftheglobe.Thelasttimehe’dvisitedDenverandstayedwithme,he’dhadapartytwicethissize.
Heprobablyconsideredthisshowingrestraint.
Ifmybraindidn’tfeellikeitwasbeingliquefied,Iwouldhavepouredmyselfadrinkandjoinedin.Asitwas,Ihadnoinclinationtomakesmalltalk.Iwasalltalkedout.
AsIstoodthere,surveyingmyhome,Vincentmovedthroughthecrowd,comingmyway.Apetitebrunettewhohadattachedherselftohimcamewithhim.
“Luc,you’rehere,”Vinboomed.Heleanedforward,cuppingmyfaceandair-kissingbothmycheeks.“Comein,getsomethingtodrink.There’sfoodinthekitchen.”
Ipulledbackfromhim,frowning.“Yourealizethisismyplace,right?”
Helaughed,throwinghisheadback.“Ofcourse,ofcourse.HaveyoumetKara?”Hepushedthesmallwomantowardme.“Kara,thisismycousin,Luc.”
Hiswoman’scheeksflushedassherakedherbigbrowneyesoverme.Therewasinterestinhergaze,whichimmediatelyturnedmeoff,eventhoughshewasattractive.Disloyalwomenwereoneofmybiggestturnoffs,andconsideringshewasherewithVin,sheshouldn’thavebeenlookingatmelikeIwasanoptionforher.
Ikepttheintroductionsshortandbrokeawayfromthetwoofthem.Hungergnawedatmystomach,soIusedthatasanexcusetoduckintomykitchen.Obviouslycateredfoodlinedthecounters.Everysurfacewascoveredwithsometypeofdish.
“Jesus,Vin,”ImutteredasIgrabbedtwobottlesofbeerfrommyfridgeandtheboxofprosciuttopizzafromthecounter.
ItookmyfoodanddrinkstothepartofmycondowhereIspentmostofmytime.Evenmorethanmybedroomlately,thoughthathadn’tbeenentirelybydesign.Suddenlyworkingtwelve-hourdayshadtakenmoreoutofmethanI’dexpected.Ioftenfoundmyselfstartlingawakeinthemorningonmycouchintheden,havingpassedoutcoldthenightbefore.
Stridingbythestrangersstandinginmyhalls,Ishutmyselfintheden,lockingthedoorbehindme.Therewasalightoninthebathroom.Ididn’trememberleavingiton,butIwouldn’thaveputitpastmyself.
Notbotheringtoturnonanyotherlights,Iputmybeersandpizzaonthetrayatoptheottomaninfrontofthesectional,kickedoffmyshoes,andyankedthetieoffmyneck.Oncethatwastossedaside,Iunbuttonedmyshirtpartwayandrolledupthecuffs.
OnlythendidIsitdownandreleasealongexhale.
Aglintoflightcomingthroughthecenterwindowbroughtmeoutofmymomentofrespite.Thatwindowwasthebaneofmyfuckingexistence,withitsforever-breakingautomaticblindsanddirectlineofsighttoaglaringspotlightontopofahigh-risetower.
Twonightsago,I’dsolvedtheproblembynailingathrowtothewindowframesinceIdidn’thavetimeorthewilltocallarepairperson.Whywasn’titworkingnow?
IstartedtogetuptoseeifithadfallendownwhenInoticedthelumpontheotherendofthecouch.Alumpcoveredwithmyfuckingthrowblanket.
“Whoareyou?”Ibarked.
Thelumpstirred,andasoftsound,somethinglikeamoan,camefromthem.Thepersonbeneaththeblanketstraightened,andthelightspillingfromthebathroomilluminatedthem.
Her
Shefoundmeinthedarkandjumpedslightly.“Oh,hi.IthinkIfellasleep.”ThenshepointedtothecornerI’dstartedtosettleinbeforespottingher.“Fairwarning,thiscoucheatsyourenergylikeasnack.Iwasn’teventiredwhenIsatdown,thenboom,Iwasoutlikealight.”
Iknewthat,ofcourse,sincethecouchbelongedtome.ButIfoundmyselfstaringatthiswoman,tryingtounderstandherpresenceinmyhome.Inmypersonalspace.
“What’syourname?”
She’djustliftedherwineglasstoherlipsandansweredmearoundit.“Sasha.”Shetookalongsipthenraisedabrowatme.“What’syours?”
Interesting.Shedidn’tknowwhoIwas.Eitherthat,orshewasplayingcoy.Generally,womeninmysocialcirclesinDenverrecognizedme,ifnotbymyface,thenbymyname.Tobecompletelyhonest,mynamewasrecognizablefaroutsideofthiscitytoo.
“Luc,”Ianswered,whichwasn’talie,butitwasn’tthecompletetrutheither.Ifshetrulywasn’tawareofwhoIwas,Iwantedtokeepitthatway.Itwaseasierforme.
Shenoddedtowardthepizzabox.“Istolesomecrackers,butI’mimpressedwithyourplunder.Isthatawholepizza?”
“Itis.”
“Well”—shescootedforward,hereyesdartingfrommetothebox—“areyougoingtoshare?Someofusarestarving.”
“Iwasplanningoneatingitallmyself.”
Sheshiftedclosertomeandthepizza.“Thatisn’tnice,Luc.IfI’mgoingtosharemyhidingspotwithyou,it’sonlyfairyoushareyourfood.Ipromisetoonlyeattwoorthreeslices.”
Reachinganarmout,Isnappedonthetablelampbesideme,thenturnedbacktomyintruder.Infulllight,shewasevenmoregorgeousthanI’dsuspected.AndI’dsuspectedshe’dbebeautiful.Awomandidn’thavethetypeofeasyconfidenceshedidifshewasn’tusedtomovingthroughtheworldonapathmadebyallthelesserbeingswhowillinglysteppedasideforher.
“Fine.Twopiecesareyourlimit.”
Herfull,pinklipsspreadintoawidesmile,revealingarowofstraightpearly-whiteteeththatwerealmosttoobigforherfacebutsuitedherimpeccably.Sheleanedforwardtoflipopenthebox,andmygazedriftedtothesubtleswellofcleavagepeekingfromthetopofhercorseted,blackdress.
Shestraightenedbackup,holdingaslicevictoriously.“It’scold,myfavorite.”
“Really?”Iliftedabrowwhilesnaggingapieceofmyown.
“Yes.Icaneatitfasterthisway.”Shecrammedalargebiteintohermouthtodemonstrate.Itwasn’tasexymove,butitdidsomethingtomycockanyway.
ButthiswaswhatImeant.Awomanwholookedlikehercouldgetawaywithanything,andidiotslikemewouldthinkitwasadorableorquirky.Lookatme,sharingmypizzaandmyhavenfornootherreasonthanSashaintriguedme.AndsheintriguedmebecauseshemighthavebeenoneofthemostbeautifulwomenI’deverlaideyeson.
Weateinsilenceforafewminutes.Ididn’tprotestwhenshewentforpiecenumbertwoandthree.Iwouldhaveeatentheentirepie,butsharingwasn’tahardshipwhenitmeantIgottolistentoherbreathylittlemoansasshebitintoanothersliceandshecrossedanduncrossedhermile-longlegsasiftheflavorwassoincredibleshecouldn’tsitstill.
“Youneversaidwhyyou’rehidinginherewhenthere’sapartygoingonoutthere.”
Shewipedhermouthwithacrumpledpapernapkinandpattedherflatstomach.“Ionlycamebecausemyfriendaskedmeto.”
“Doyoudoanythingfriendsaskyouto?”
“Ihavethisthing—”Hermouthtwisted,andshedidn’telaborate.
“Thing?Explain.”
“IsayyeswhenI’maskedtodothingsifIthinkthere’seventhesmallestchanceI’llgetsomethingoutofit.”
Sheonlybecamemoreandmoreintriguingastimewenton.“Yourfriendaskedyoutocometoapartywithher,andyousaidyesbecauseyouthoughtyou’dgetsomethingoutofit?”
Shenodded.
“Whatdoyouthinkyou’llgetoutofbeingheretonight?”
“That’syettobedetermined.”Sheuncrossedandcrossedherlegsagain.“Friendisn’treallytherightwordforKaraanyway.Wetempedtogetherlastyear,andwestillhangouteveryonceinawhile.”
“Kara?Small,reddress?”
“Mmhmm.Doyouknowher?”
“No.”
“Oh.”Shehuffedlightly.“Well—”
“That’swhatyoudo?You’reatemp?”
Bythenatureoftheirjob,Ineverhadachancetogettoknowmytemporaryemployees,thoughIwascertainweemployedthemfromtimetotime.IwasalsocertaintheydidnotlookanythinglikeSasha.
Shewavedherhandaround.“I’mnotreadytosettleintoacareer,muchtomymother’sdispleasure.I’vetriedit,anditdidn’tsuit.Igetboredeasily.”
Irelatedtothatonaviscerallevel.“Itsoundslikeyouhaven’tfoundtherightcareer.”
Herfullmouthtippedintoatepidlittlesmile.“Ilikethingstemporary.Itmakeslifemoreexciting.Whataboutyou,though?”
“Whataboutme?”
Shegesturedtomethenmybootspiledonthefloor.“Bythelooksofyou—theRolexonyourwristandTomFordbootsyoukickedoff—youhavemoneyandagooddealofit.Myguessesareatrustfundbaby,aforeignprince,somebigshotCEO,oraMafiadon.”
Iliftedaneyebrow,amusedbyherguesses,especiallywithhowcloseshewastohertarget.“Whichonedoyouwantmetobe?”
Shehummedandtappedhercheekwithherforefinger.“CEOsandtrustfundbabiesareadimeadozen.Youdon’thavetherightaccenttobeaforeignprince.”Hereyesflickedoverme.“Theall-blackclothinggivesyouasortofvillainousedge,soI’llgowithMafiadon.AmIright?”
Leaningforward,myelbowsonmyknees,Ileveledherwithahard,unflinchingstare.“IfItoldyou…well,youknowtherest.”
“Yeah,yeah.Death,destruction,thatkindofthing.”Herlipscurvedintoasexy,amusedgrin.“CanwecirclebacktoKara?Youdon’tknowher?”
“Idon’t.Ihadthepleasureofbeingeye-fuckedbyherbeforeIretreatedinhere.”
Laughterfloatedlikebubblesonaclear,bluesky.“Thatsoundslikeher,althoughshecameforthisotherguy,soI’msurprisedshewashittingonyousincesheseemedsointohim.”
“Vin?”
“Yes,that’shisname.Vincent.IspilledwineonmydresstogivethemalonetimewhileIcleanedup.I’mhidinginherenowbecausewhenIcameoutofthebathroom,Karalookedlikeshewasgoingtomurderme.”
Iscrubbedatthescruffonmyjaw.“You…purposelyspilledwineonyourselfforthesakeofsomeonewho’snotevenagoodfriend?”
Sheliftedanelegantshoulder.Iwantedtopressmymouththeretoseehowsmoothherfineskinwas.“Itisn’tahugedealtome.Thedressisdry-cleanable.”
“Whynotleaveinstead?”
“IpromisedI’dstay.”
“Thatsimple?”
“Well,thatandIfellasleepinhere.Ifyouknowtheowner,don’ttellhim.”Shepickeduptheblanketandwaveditaround.“Ikindofpulledthisdownfromthewindow.Ithinktheblindsarebroken,soIfeelbad,butalso,heshouldinvestinmoreblankets.Whoonlyhasonethrowblanket?Thenagain,maybehespenthisfortuneonartandconcreteslabsandthisonepunyblanketisallhecanafford.Inwhichcase,IfeeldoublyguiltysinceIrippedthecorneralittle.”
Ihadtolaugh,andthatwaswhenInoticedtheacheinmyheadhadallbutvanished.Icouldhavegivencredittothebeerandpizza,butIseriouslywonderedifsomeofithadtodowiththisprettyblondewhocontinuedtosurprisemeeachtimesheopenedhermouth.
“I’llmakeanoteofit,”Iquipped.
Shefrozeasshetuckedherlonghairbehindoneearandhersoft-browneyesrounded.“Ohshit.Isthisyourplace?Haveyoubeenhumoringmetokeepmehereuntilthecopsshowuptoarrestme?”
“Whywouldyouthinkthat?”
Herhandfelltoherlap,whereshetwistedherfingersintoknots.“Whichpart?Thatyou’retheownerorthatyoucalledthecops?”
“Either.Both.Yousoundexperiencedwithhavingthepolicecalledonyou.ShouldIworryI’malonewithacriminal?”
“I’veonlybeenarrestedonce,andthechargesweredropped.Itwasanonviolentcrime,soyou’resafe.”Hereyesnarrowed,andsheactuallydidseemworried.“Youneverdidanswermyquestions.”
Isnaggedtheblanketfromherlap,examiningthecorner,whichwasintatters.ThenIputheroutofhermisery.“Yes,thisismyplace,andno,Ididn’tcallthecops.Aslongasyoudon’tstealanythingbesidesmypizzaandsomecrackers,IdoubtIwill.”
Shelickedherlipsthenrubbedthemtogether.Mycocknoticedallofit,eventhoughIwasprettycertainshewasn’tflirting.“Butyou’renotmakinganypromises?”
Irakedmygazeoverher,lettingthevoicesinthebackofmyhead,tellingmeIhadtocleanupmyact,dim.
“Whenitcomestotrouble,Imakenopromises.”ChapterThree
Saoirse
Lukewasflirtingwithme,andIwasabsolutelyreceptivetoit.
Whowouldn’thavebeen?
Hewasfrickinggorgeous.
Evensittingdown,Icouldtellhewastall,mostlikelytallerthanme.Hislimbswerelongandlean,andtheskinpeekingoutfromhispartiallyunbuttonedshirtwasgolden,withjustahintofblackhairinthecenterofhischest.
Hisdarkeyeswereheavy-liddedandgaveoffasensualglint.Mygrandmotheroncementionedherfavoriteactorhadbedroomeyes,andthiswasthefirsttimeIreallyunderstoodthatterm.
Thoseeyes,compoundedwithhissharp,squarejawlinedwithdarkscruffandhisthickblackhair,whichseemedtohaveamindofitsown,continuallyfloppingacrosshisforeheadafterhescrapeditback,madeLukedevastating
Internally,Iwaspantinglikealittlepuppy.
IreallyhopedIwasplayingitcoolontheoutside.
“SinceI’malreadyintrouble,canIpushmyluckandaskforatour?I’veneverbeeninahomequitelikethis.”
HestaredatmeforsolongIwaspreparingmyselftoberejected.JustwhenIwasabouttotakebackmyrequest,Lukeunfoldedhimselffromthecouchandrosetohisfeet.Thenheofferedmehishand.Islippedmyhandinhis,allowinghimtopullmeupright.
Hetuggedjustalittletoohard,andIendedupflushagainsthim.“Well,hello.”Myhandswenttohischest,andhislandedonmyhips.
Ihadtolookupathim.Notfar,maybetwoorthreeinches,butIappreciatedthathewastallerthanme.
“I’mnotusedtoawomanbeingatmyeyelevel,”heutteredlowly,hisgazeslidingacrossmyface.
Neitherofusseemedtobeinahurrytopullback.
“Whatdoyouthinkaboutit?”
Hesmelledgood.Likespiceandfreshair.Ihadtostopmyselffromshovingmynoseinhisthroattoseeifhisscentwasmoreconcentratedthere,rightoverhisthrummingpulse.Ibetitwas.
“IhavealotofquestionsIdidn’thavebefore.”
Mytonguedartedouttowetmyupperlip.“Askthem.”
Oneofhishandsdraggedfrommyhips,alongmyribs,trailingovermyarmandshouldertothesideofmyneck.Hewatchedmeashemovedhigherupmybodyasifwaitingforanobjection,butIfoundnothingobjectionableaboutbeinginthisman’sarms.
Histhumbstrokedtheundersideofmyjaw,gentlytippingmyheadback.
“Somethingscanonlybeansweredthroughexperiencingthem.”Hiseyesneverleftmineasheclosedinonmeatanachinglyslowpace.
ImpatiencespurredmetoriseeversoslightlyonmybaretoesandpressmymouthtoLuke’s.Hegrunted,deepandrumbly,thentuggedmedeeperintohisbody,hisfingerstanglinginthebackofmyhairandclaspingmyhipevenmorefirmly.
Despitethealmostroughwayheheldme,hislipsweresoftandsearching.I’dshareddrunkenkisseswithstrangersinbarsbefore,butthiswasnothinglikethat.Notatall.Hewasslowandthorough,tastingeveryinchofmylipsbeforecoaxingthemtopartandslidinghistongueagainstmine.
Mytoescurledintotheplushrugbeneathme,andmyentirebodymeltedintoLuke’s.Hisholdonmyhiploosened,andheslidhispalmtomylowerback,teasingthetopofmyass.Myfingersslippedintothebackofhishair,drawinghisfacenearertomine.
Hetasteddelicious,likebeer,mint,andsomethingdecidedlyexclusivetohim.Ilappedathistongueandthebackofhisteeth,andamoanslippedoutofmewithoutmypermission.
Hesmiledagainstmylips,easingbacktopepperthemwithlightkissesbeforepullingawayentirely.
“Comeon,prettygirl.I’llshowyouaround.”
Lukeledmefromroomtoroom,butIbarelynoticedthecontentsofanyofthem.Histhumbrubbingthebackofmyhiphadadirectlinetomyclit,andbythetimewewereclimbingthespiralstaircasetohisbedroom,IdecidedIwantedthismananddidn’twanttowaittohavehim.
Hepushedopenthedoortohisbedroomandallowedmetoenteraheadofhim,butheneverletgoofme.Hishandseemedtobepermanentlymoldedtomyhip,andIhadnoproblemwiththat.Ilikeditthere.
HestoodbehindmewhileItriedtotakeinhisroom.Abed,tables,art,lights—thatwasallthatregistered.Mostofmyfocushadbeenstolenbythemanpressinghisthickerectionagainstmyassashedraggedhislipsalongmybareshoulders.
“There’ssomethingtobesaidforawomanalmostastallasme,”hemurmuredagainstmyskin.
Iarchedmyspineandhookedmyhandonhisnape.“It’sreallyconvenientwhenthingsalign.”
“Hmmm.”Hesuckedontheplacebetweenmyshoulderandneck.“I’mallaboutconvenience.”
Ispuntofacehim,drapingmyarmsoverhisshoulders.Hisfingersdoveintomyhair,anglingmyheadthewayhewanted,thenhismouthwasonmine.God,didthismanknowhowtokiss.Hewentinlightlyatfirst,takingalmostgentlesipsfrommylips.Itwasmaddeningbut,atthesametime,addictive.
“You’regoodatthat,”Itoldhim.
“Yourlipstastelikefuckingsugar.”Hepulledawayjustenoughtolookatthem.Theheatswellingbehindhisgazewassomassiveitalmostknockedmebackward.
Iknewhemeantit—andnotjustfromhisexpression.Inthenextmoment,hewassuckingandnippingthem,tryingtostealtheflavoroffmylips.AndIwonderedifitwaspossibletocomefromkissing.IhadtopressmythighstogethertohelpwiththeacheLukehadcaused,butitdidn’tdomuchgood.
Whilehewasdevouringmymouth,hisfingerstoyedwiththestrapsofmydress,slippingthemdownmyshoulders.Hisfingerstrailedovermycollarboneandtheslightswellofmycleavagebeforeventuringaroundme,whereIknewhe’dfindthezipper.
Hedidn’task.Onemoment,Iwassecureinmydress,andthenext,itwasopenandslidingdownmybody.Lukeallowedenoughroombetweenusforittofallallthewaytothefloor.
Breakingawayfrommymouth,hehookedhisfingersinmypantiesandpulledmetowardthebed.Hesatdown,bringingmetoastopbetweenhisspreadlegs.Lipsparted,hetookalong,thoroughonce-overofmybodyinlacyblackpanties,ablackpush-upbra,andabsolutelynothingelse.
“Fuck.ThethingsIwanttodotothisbody.”Hisopenmouthlandedonmybellybutton,leavingatrailofwetkissesalongmyabdomenwhilehecuppedbetweenmylegs.“Ineedtoeatyourpussy.”
Inodded,willingtodoalmostanythingtokeephismouthonme.“Takeoffyourshirtfirst.Letmeseeyoutoo.”
Heletgoofme,leaningbackonhishandsonthebed.“Youdoit.”
Hislowcommandhitmeinthebelly,andIdroppedtomyknees,slidingmyfingertipsdownhisexposedchesttothetopbutton.Hehadalreadydonehalfthejob,soittooknotimetounbuttonthemallandpushhisshirtopen.
Mymouthwateredathistautlymuscledtorso.Iwastemptedtousemytonguetofollowthelineofblackhairdividinghisabdomenandleadingintohistrousers.ButLukehadotherideas.
Hegrabbedmeandtossedmeonthebed.Standingovermetoshrughisshirttherestofthewayoff,heswepthishungryeyesalongmyexposedflesh.
“Braoff.Getthatfuckingbraoffnow,prettygirl.”
Myspinebowedathiscommand.Ireachedbeneathmetounclaspmybraandtossittotheside.Oncemybreastswereexposed,Ihadamomentofapprehension.Mylittletitsweremybiggestinsecurity.ButLuke’sgazebecamedarker,goingfromhungrytostarving.Heatscorchedmyskinashedrankinmybody.
Hefelloverme,hislipsclosingaroundoneofmynipples,suckinghardenoughformetoarchintohismouthandmoan.Myfingerstangledintothesidesofhishair,andmylegspressedandsquirmed.
Thiswasn’tme.KissingstrangersincollegewasasdaringasI’dbeenwithmenIdidn’tknow.Buttherewassomethingaboutthismanthathadsetmealightfromminuteone.IknewifIsaidnotothisparticularexperience,I’dregretitforever.
“Luke…ohplease.”WhatIwasaskingfor,Iwasn’tsure.Justmore.Allthepromiseshe’dmadewhileravishingmymouth.
Heliftedhisheadfrommybreasts,cuppingoneoftheminhiswidepalm.“Theseneedmoreattention.Yournipplesareassweetasyourlips.”Hegazeddownmybelly.“Ibetyou’reevensweeterbetweenyourlegs,aren’tyou?”
“Idon’tknow.You’llhavetotellme.”
Onehardkisstomysmileandhewasmovingdownmytorso,lickingmynipplesandthensuckingtheskinbelowmybellybutton.Mypantieswereremovedlikethelashofawhip,fastandsmooth.Lukewastednotimeinspreadingmewideandtakinghisfillofthesightofme.
“Jesus.Fuck.Evenyourcuntispretty.”
Palmsspreadonthebacksofmythighs,hepushedmykneestomychestanddroppeddowntodevourme.
Andthatwaswhathedid.
Therewasnoteasing.Hetookonelongswipeofme,fromendtoend,groaningwhenmyflavorhithistongue,thenhespearedmewithtwothickfingersandlatchedontomyclit.
Myneckarched,eyesopeningwidetotheceiling.Thispartrarelyworkedforme,andifitdid,ittookalong,longtime.ButLukehadstartedtheblazebeforeheeventouchedme.Whenhisfingerscurledinsideme,findingaspotIheretoforebelievedtobeamyth,andhesuckedmyclitbetweenhistalentedlips,Ibecameashaking,moaning,wantonlittleaddict.
He’dhookedmeinunderaminute.
Hisgratifiedgruntingashelickedandpleasuredmeonlypushedmecloserandcloser.Becausehewasgettingoffonthis.Hewasn’tjustdoingitforme.Thismanclearlyenjoyedtheworkhewasdoing.
Ineverwantedhimtostop.
ButIdidn’teventrytoholdmyselfback.Myclimaxbarreledintomewithunimaginableforce,knockingmeforadizzyingloop.Aknotdeep,deepwithinmesprungfree,andriversofheatgushedthroughme.Andoutofme.
MygriponhishairwassolidasIruckedagainsthiswaitinglipsandtongue,callinghisnameatavolumethatmusthavereverberatedoffthewalls.Myearswereringing,andI’dlostcontrolofwhatwasleavingmymouth.Ifeveryoneatthepartydownstairsheardme,thenIhopedtheywerehappyformebecauseI’djusthadthebestorgasmofmylife.
MyeyelidsfellclosedasIpantedandquiveredfromaftershocks.Lukeletmylegsfalltothesideashestrokedmyinnerthighsandthecurveofmywaist.
“Lookatme,prettygirl.”
Soft,butitwasanorderwhichmyeyelidsobeyed.Lukewaskneelingbetweenmythighs,hispantsopen,thetipofhiscockbulgingoverthewaistbandofhisblackunderwear.
Ilickedmylips.
Hechuckled.“Eyesuphere.”
Ourgazesmet.Ifpossible,therewasevenmoreheatbehindhisnow.
“DidImakeamessofyoursheets?”Iasked.
Hisheadcocked,andheswipedhisindexfingeralonghismouthandchin,thenslippeditintohismouthandsucked.Therumblinggroanthatcamefromhimhadmyhipsrisingoffthemattress.
Helaidhispalmonmybellyandpressedmedownflat.“Youimprovedmysheets.Theyweremissingapoolofhotfuckingcandymadefromyourcunt.”
“I’veneverdonethatbefore,”Iadmitted.
“Itwon’tbethelasttime.”Hepushedafingerintomeandtwisted.“I’mgoingtofuckyounow,gorgeous.”
Inodded.“Please.”
Hehadtoclimboffthebedtograbacondomfromhisnightstand.Watchingthesensuouswayhislimbsmoved,theripplingofhisabdomen,andthatdrippingpurpleheadpracticallyrippingoutofhisunderwear,Ihadneverwantedanyonemore.
Thiswascrazy.Notme.Ineverlostitovermen.
ButLukewasinaleagueofhisown.
Justashetossedthecondomonthesheetbesideme,someonebangedonhisbedroomdoor.
“Luke!Isthetallblondeintherewithyou?”ThethickItalianaccentmadeVincenteasytoidentify.
“Fuckoff,”Lukeshouted,hisfingersclenchingathissides.
ThenVincentyelledsomethinginItalian.LukerespondedinequallyrapidItalian,histhroatandfacereddening.
Iscootedupright,suddenlyfeelingexposedandstrange,eventhoughVincentcouldn’tseemethroughthelockeddoor.
Luketurnedaroundtolookatme,hishandsonhiships.“Don’tmove.I’mgettingridofhim.”ThenhewentbacktoyellinginItalian.
Normally,thismanspeakingItalianwouldhavedoneitforme,buttherewasnothingnormalaboutthissituation.
Embarrassmentwassinkingin.Weshouldhaveatleastexchangedlastnames,andIdefinitelyshouldhaveinquiredabouthissexualhealth.
Kara’svoicecomingfromrightoutsidethedoorwasthenailinthecoffinofthisevening.
“Sersh,canwego?I’mreadyanddon’tfeelsafecatchinganUberonmyown,”shewhined.
IalreadyhadmydresshalfwayonwhenLukeswiveledbackaroundtofaceme.
“Yes,givemeaminute,”Icalled.“I’llmeetyoudownstairs.”
HestaredatmeasIdartedaroundhisroom,grabbingmypantiesandbra.
“Weweren’tfinished,”hegrumbled
Istoppedinmytracks,clutchingmyunderweartomystomach.“Iknow,andI’mreallysorrytoleaveyouinthisstate…butit’sprobablyforthebest.Wedon’tevenknoweachother.”
Hehuffed.“Thatwasthebestpart.”Hisgazelingeredonme,andItriednottoreacttohishurtfuladmission.Icouldn’tevenpinpointwhyithurt,butitdid.
Icovereditupwithacoquettishshrugandalittlegrin.“Atleastoneofusexperiencedthebestpart.”
Hestrodeuptomewithadarkexpression,andmyheartleaptintomythroatwhenhespunmetowardthedoor.
Hiswarmbreathtouchedmyearbeforehisgravellywordsdid.“I’llbillyouforthesheets.”Thenhegentlytuggedmyzipperupandsmoothedmydressalongmysides.“I’venevertastedsweeterthanyou,prettygirl.”
Thenheopenedhisbedroomdoorandsentmeonmymerryway.ChapterFour
Luca
Foronce,Iarrivedatthegymontime.
OnlyahalfhourafterElliotandWeston,whichwasontimeforme.Withmylatenights,morningswereastruggle.Butlastnight,onceI’dclearedVincent’sguestsfrommyapartmentandtakencareoftheragingerectionleftbytheleggy,quirkyblondewho’dutterlydestroyedmysheetsinthebestway,I’dsleptlikeafuckingbaby.
Onlytowakeupearlythismorningrockhard,thememoryofhertastestillsweetonmylips.
ElliotLevy,myfriendsinceourStanforddays,liftedanunimpressedbrowthroughhisreflectioninthemirrorashedidbicepcurls.MydefinitionofearlydifferedfromElliot’sbyamile.Hehadneveroncearrivedanywheremorethanamillisecondpasttheappointedtime.
IclimbedontheopentreadmillbesideWeston,thethirdmemberofourtrio.He’dhavesaidIwasthethirdmembersinceheandElliothadbeenfriendssincechildhood,butIhadshovedmyselfsnuginthemiddleofthetwoofthem,sotherewasnowayIwasnumberthree
Westonglancedatmewhilehekeptuphisfastclip.“Youlookrestedforonce.”
“Iam.Iwasasleepbyeleven.”
“Inyourownbed?”
“Yes.”Ipunchedsomebuttonsonthecontrolpanel,andthetreadmillgotstarted.“Allalonetoo.”
Onfreshsheets,whichIdidn’tmention.Thoughasick,filthypartofmehadbeentemptedtolieinthatprettygirl’smess.IfIhad,therewouldn’thavebeenanysleepforme,andmydickwouldhaveendedupchafedfromanightofstrokingit.
Hetappedabutton,slowinghispacetomatchmine.
“Youwenttobedalone?”
“Yousoundlikeyoudon’tbelieveme,West.”
“It’snotthat.”Heswipedhissweatyforeheadwiththecollarofhisshirt.“You’renotonetobragaboutsleepingalone.Thatleadsmetobelievethere’smoretothisstory.”
Hehadme.IneededtotalkaboutwhathadgonedownwithSashalastnight,butforthefirsttime,possiblyever,Ireallydidn’twanttoshareanyofthefinerdetails.Westonwouldbegratefulforthat.Healwayshumoredme,buthewasn’tontenterhookstohearaboutmyhookup’stitsizeorthejoysofbeddingaformergymnast.Westwasquietaboutit,buthe’dhadhisfairshareofwomenovertheyears.NodoubtanythingIhadtosaywasoldnews.
NowthathewaswithElise,whohappenedtobeElliot’syoungersister,thosedayswerehistoryforhim.ThefuckerwasthehappiestI’deverseenhimtoo.
“Therewasalasthurrah,”Itoldhim.
Elliotstrolledover,wipinghisfacewithasmalltowel.“Whylast?”Hesatdownonthecircuitmachineinfrontofthetreadmills.
“Imetwiththeconsultantstheboardhiredyesterday.”
Elliot’schinlowered.“And?Whatdidtheyhavetosay?”
“Ihaveabadreputation.”
Westonbarkedadrylaugh.“That’sanunderstatement.Wereconsultantsnecessarytotellyouthat?”
“LikeIsaid,theboardbroughtthemin.Theydidatop-to-bottomevaluationofmyimage.”
Elliotpausedhislegpress.“Andwhatdidtheyconclude?”
Ishookmyheadandletoutahumorlesslaugh.“Thatit’sabadlookforthenewCEOofRossiMotorstobedubbed‘ThePlayboyCEO’byCNBC.”
Westonchuffed.“Letmeguess,theyconductedafocusgroupandwroteaten-pagereporttodeliverthisinformationtoyou.”
“Wrong.”IflashedhimagrinIdidn’tquitefeel.Havingmylifetakenoverwasn’texactlyconducivetogoodhumor.“Fifteen.”
“Andhowdidtheyadviseyoutochangeyourimage?”Elliotasked.
Withagroan,Ishovedmyfingersthroughmyhair.“I’mtostopgoingtoeventsandclubswithwomenI’mnotinarelationshipwith.”
“Whichmeansyou’llbegoingalone,”Westonsupplied.
“Right,”Iagreed.
Sinceunexpectedlytakingovermyfather’spositionasCEOofourfamily’scompany,RossiMotors,everythinghe’ddonenowfellonme.Thatmeantthedinners,conferences,charityfundraisers—eachdrierandmoreboringthanthenext—wouldbemyresponsibility.I’ddonesomeofthatinmyroleasVP,andtheonlythingthatmadethemslightlytolerablewastheopenbarsandsuretyI’dbesinkingmycockintowhicheverbeautifulwomanIbroughtwithmeasmydate.
Elliotstoppedagain.“Theytoldyouyou’renotallowedtodate?”
“NotinthewayIcurrentlydate.Infact,IwastoldCEOswhoaremarriedinspireseventy-fivepercentmoreconfidenceinshareholders.”
Westonsloweddownalittlemore.“Sonowyouhavetogetmarried?”
Elliotmadeastrangled,chokingsound.“Howdoesonegetmarriedwithoutfirstdating?”
“Idon’tknow.It’sallbullshit,andeveryoneknowsthat.Idon’tleavetheofficeuntileightatnightonagoodday.Sincesteppingintothisposition,myentirelifestylehaschanged.Ihaven’tevenhadtimetogetlaid,andIseenoendinsight.I’vechangedwithouttrying.”
Anditpissedmeofftonoend.Thesedays,Iwaseithertiredorangry,andthethrobbingheadachethathadtakenupsemipermanentresidencebehindmyrighteyedidn’thelpanything.
“Ifyouhavenotime,whatwasthis‘lasthurrah’youmentioned?”Westonasked.
“Itwasmoreofanalmosthurrah,”Iadmitted.“Vinthrewapartyatmyplacelastnight.”
Elliotwinced.“Idon’tknowwhyyouallowhimtostaywithyouforweeksonend.He’sworsethanafratboy.”
“It’sfunnybecauseIseemtorecallyoulabelingmeadebauchedfratboymorethanonce,”Ivolleyedback,eventhoughhehadafairpointaboutbothmeandVin.
Elliotwasunbothered.“Iftheshoefits.”Hegotupfromthemachine,stretchinghisarmsoverhishead.
Westonclearedhisthroat.“IthinkElliot’stryingtosaythatwhileyoubothparty,Vindoesn’trespectyourhome.Didn’thebreakoneofyoursculpturesthelasttimehevisited?”
Iflinchedatthememory.“Almost.Hetippedit,butIcaughtitbeforeitcouldfall.”
AndItorehimanewasshole,buthe’dbeenchagrinedallonhisown.
“Aren’twegettingofftrack?”Elliotasked.
“Yes.Weweregoingtohearaboutthealmosthurrah,”Westonsaid.
“Shewasinmyden.”IalmostallowedmyeyestoclosesoIcouldbringbacktheimageofhercurleduponmycouch.ButthelastthingIneededwastogethardinfrontofmybestfriendsatthegym.“Long,longlegs,silkyblondehair,andasassyashellmouth.Wetalked,clicked,Igaveheratour,shegavemeatourofher.”
Elliotrolledhiseyes,buthedidn’twalkawaytohisnextmachine.Asdismissiveashewas,hewasinterested,soIwenton.
“SweetestthingI’vehadinmybedinalongtime.Thechemistrywasshockinglystrong.”Ishookmyheadinmourning.“WegotinterruptedbeforeIgotoff.Thefriendshecamewithwantedtogo,soshewent.”
Weston’sbrowpinched.“Andthat’sit?”
Iliftedashoulder.“Itiswhatitis.Ifthecircumstancesweredifferent,Iwouldhuntherdowntofinishwhatwestarted,butasitstands,Ishouldn’thavegonetherelastnight.”
Elliotnodded.“Youhavetoguardthebrand,Luc.Bringingrandomwomenintoyourbedisn’twise.Shecouldhavebeenplantedtheretoextractblackmailmaterial.Thinkofwhatyou’dhavetopaynottohaveasextapeleak.”
“Idon’tthinkshe—”
Elliotleveledmewithacomethefuckonstare.“Doyouknowanythingaboutthiswoman?”
Shewassexy,funny,likedpizza,tryingnewthings,andhertastewasforeveringrainedinmymemories.
Iconcededhispoint.“Notenoughtotrustwhoshepresentedherselftobeatfacevalue.”
“It’sabigchangeforyou,”Westonadded.“Youweren’treadyforit.”
“He’dknownitwascoming,”Elliotargued.
Thepulsebehindmyeyewasbeginningtothrob.“Eventually,notnow,andsureashellnotassuddenlyasitdid.”
Westongavemyshoulderapat.“How’sVic?”
“Snarly.”
Myfather,VictorioRossi,who,upuntilacoupleweeksago,hadbeentheCEOofRossiMotors.He’dbeendoingthejobmorethantwentyyears,sincehisfatherhadsteppeddown.He’dhaveheldontothetitleforanothertwenty.
Iwouldn’thavehadaproblemwiththat.
Hishearthadotherplans.
Elliot’snormallyimpassiveexpressiongrewsympathetic.“Itcan’tbeeasytogofromrulingaFortune500companytobeingtoldwhattodo,downtowhathecaneat.Idon’tthinkanyofuswouldhandlethatwell.”
“Hellno,”Iagreed.“Ijustwishhewouldn’ttakehisangeroutonmymother.She’swaitingonhimhandandfoot,likealways,andhe’sbeingadicktoher.”
Onesunnymorning,myfatherhadaheartattackinthemiddleofaboardmeeting.Ourfamilygatheredatthehospital,waitinghourstoseeifhe’dmakeitoutofsurgeryalive.Thefirstthinghewantedtodowhenhewokeupwascheckhisemails.
Mymother’ssobshadflippedhisswitch,though.
He’dretiredalmostimmediately,muchtoeveryone’sshockandhisdoctor’sdelight.ThatmeantIwentfromvicepresident—whichhadbeenacushytitleallowingmeallthefreedomIdesiredtopursuemypassionsand,asElliothadputit,debauchedlifestyle—torunningmyfamily’scompany.
Andweweren’tsomemom-and-popsmallbusiness.RossiMotorswasthelargestproducerofmotorcyclesinAmerica.
“I’msurprisedViciscapableofbeingadicktoAngelina,”Westonsaid.
“Metoo.”Ishovedmyfingersthroughmyhair.I’dbeensobusytalkingIhadn’tevenbrokenasweatyet.“He’llregretitwhenhecomesoutofthisfog.”
Myparentsweredisgusting.Theywerealwayskissingandlaughingtogether.Hepinchedmymother’sbuttwhenevershebentdown,andshesenthimoffeverymorningbystraighteninghistieandwhisperingsecretsinhisear.
MysisterandIusedtogagattheirpublicdisplaysofaffection,butasourfriends’parentsgotdivorced,orworse,stayedintoxicmarriages,wesawhowluckywewere.
Whichmademyfather’streatmentofmymotherevenhardertobear.Shewashistreasure,buthewasactinglikeshewashisjailer.
Thepulseslammedbehindmyeye,andIwasdone.Doneworkingout,donethinkingaboutthis,donetalking.Circumstanceswerewhattheywere.Fightingagainstthemwouldn’tmakeanythingeasier.
IacceptedwhoIwas.LucaRossi,CEOofRossiMotors,soontobetheowneroftheloneliestdickinDenver.ChapterFive
Saoirse
Todaywasthefirstdayinalonglineoffirstdays.Inevertiredoftheanticipationofwalkingintoanewofficewhereanythingcouldhappen.
IflattenedtheVnecklineofmycreamsilkblouseandsmootheddownmyleatherpencilskirt,turningtothesidetoexaminemyreflection.ElisepushedintomyroomwhileIwasinthemiddleofconsideringmyoutfit.
“Isleatherofficeappropriate?”Iaskedher.
Shestoodbehindmeinoneofhercutetopswithabowtiedatthethroatandapairofsmarttrousers.Ialmostburstoutlaughingathowdifferentourworkwearwas.Elisehadhonedherstyleyearsago,andsherockedherlibrarianchiclook.Ithelpedthatshewasallcurvesandmadeprettymuchanythinglookhot.
Shetappedherchin,takingmyquestionseriously.“Whatkindofcompanyisthisjobatagain?”
Iturnedtofaceher,mydearestbestfriendsincewewererandomlyassignedasroommatesourfreshmanyearatCUBoulder.She’dmovedbacktoDenverfromChicagoafewmonthsago,andwe’djoinedforcesonceagain,sharinganapartmentlikeoldtimes.
Exceptherboyfriend,Weston,occupiedthepenthouse,andshespentaconsiderableamountoftimeupthere.ButElisewasElise,andshemadesurewesharedatleastonemealadaytogethersoIwouldn’tfeelabandoned,whichIneverdid.
IwasaWest-and-Elisefangirl.Ididn’tbegrudgeevenaminutetheyspenttogether.Itdidn’thurtthatwhenhesentEliseflowers,healsosentasmallbouquetformebecauseElisehadoncetoldhimhowmuchIlikedthem.
“Didn’tItellyou?”Ishovedanearringthroughmylobe.“I’minthemarketingdepartmentofRossiMotors.MaybeI’llfinallygettomeettheelusiveLuca.”
Herhandsshottoherhips.“Um,no.IthinkI’drememberifyoutoldmeyouweregoingtobeworkingatRossi.”
Ishovedthesecondearringthroughmyotherlobe,wincingathowpainfulitwas.Notetoself:wearearringsmoreoftensoIdon’thavetodrawbloodtogetthemin.
“Ionlygotthecalllastweek,andIwasfinishingupmylastjob.Oneoftheirmarketingassistantshadherbabyearly,sotheyneededmetostartrightaway.”Itwistedbacktomyreflection.“Younevertoldmeifleatherisokay.Ithoughtyessincetheymakemotorcycles,butnowI’mworriedthisisalittletooonthenose.”
Shestoodnexttome,eyeingthemirror.“Youlookhot,yetprofessional.I’mabigfanoftheskirt.YouknowhowIfeelaboutyourlegs.”
Igrinned.“ThesamewayIfeelaboutyourtits.Toobadwecan’tdonateacoupleinchestoeachother.”
We’dhadthisconversationmany,manytimes,andIlovedthataboutus.Mylifewasaconstantwhirlwindofchanges,butmyfriendshipwithElisehadremainedconstantfornearlyadecade.
“I’llhavetotextLucatolookoutforyou.”Hermouthtwisted.“Youprobablywon’tseehim,though.He’sprettymuchburiedwithtakingoverhisnewposition.”
“Ididn’tfigureI’dbechillingwiththeCEO,butmaybeI’llspothimexitinghislimo.”
Eliselaughed.“Lucadoesn’trideinalimo.”Thenshegrabbedherphone.“I’lltexthimanyway,justtolethimknowyou’llbeinthebuilding.Ifhehastime,maybehe’llintroducehimselfsoyoubothcanfinallyputafacetothename.”
LucaRossiwasgoodfriendswithWestonandElliot,Elise’solderbrother.Starshadneveralignedforus,andourpathshadyettocross.Mostly,Iwascuriousaboutthethirdmemberofthe“HotBossMusketeers.”I’dheardLuca’snameinpassingforseveralyears,andI’dalwayswonderedifheliveduptohischarm-the-pants-off-anyonereputation.
“Sure.Ifithappens,ithappens.I’llbethereatleastamonth.”Ismoothedmyskirtagainandnodded,decisionmade.“Thiswilldo.”
MyfirstweekatRossiwaseverythingIwantedinatempjob.Loadsofinterestingwork,goodsnacksinthebreakroom,friendlycoworkers.Sincemypositionswerealwaystemporary,sometimesIfoundnoonecouldbebotheredtogettoknowme,butthatwasn’tthecaseatthisjob.
I’devenbeeninvitedoutforhappyhouronFriday.
Thereweretenofuscrammedaroundasmalltableonthepatioofabarneartheoffice,sevenwomen,threeguys.SomeonehadshovedmetowardCharlie,thesingleguyofthegroup.
Notverysubtle.
Charlieleanedclosertome,hisbeerrestingonhisknee.“Wheredidyouworkbeforethis?”
Charliesmelledgood,evenafteralongday.Hehadafullheadofthick,floppyhairandtattooedforearmsIimaginedstretchedintofullsleevesbeneathhisclothes.Thinandrangy,hewasperhapsaninchortwoshorterthanme,whichwasn’tadealbreakerintermsofattraction.Charliewasgood-looking,forsure,butIdidn’tfeelanykindofsparkofinterest.Thesedays,Ilistenedtomyinitialgutfeeling.Charliewasacoworkerandapotentialfriend,butnomore.
“Amarketingfirm,actually.”Isippedmycocktail.“That’swhatIwenttocollegefor.”
“Andyouhaven’tbeenabletofindapermanentjob?”
“No,Ihave.I’vefoundI’mmoreofatemporarygirl.”
Heraisedabrow.“Inallthings?”
“Sofar.”
“Areyoulookingforsomething?”
“That’sagoodquestion,Charlie.Idon’treallyknow,butmovingonalmostalwaysfeelsright.Forinstance,Ienjoyedmylastjob,butIlikethisonemore.IfI’dsettledthere,Iwouldn’thavegottentoworkatRossi.”
“So,you’rearollingstone?”
Iwinkedathim,feelingloosefromhalfadrinkandalong,happyweek.“Igathernomoss.”
Frommyotherside,Amelia,oneoftheleadsofthedepartment,asked,“Isthatthesamewithboyfriends?Neversettling?”
Iturnedtoher.“Well,IhopewhenIfindtherightguy,itwon’tfeellikesettling.”
NotthatIhadmuchhopeforthat,norwasIactivelylookingforanything.
Thewomanonherotherside,Niddhi,guffawed.“Goodluckwiththat.It’sallrainbowsandmoonbeamsinthebeginning—andthenyourealizethoserainbowswereanillusionandthemoonbeamswereactuallythephonehewasusingwhileyouweresleepingtosextgirlsonOnlyFans…”
Ameliapattedherkneeandsteeredtheconversationinanotherdirection.IturnedtoCharlie,alittleslack-jawed
“Whatwasthat?”Iwhispered.
“She’sgoingthroughabadbreakup.”
Inodded.“Uh,yeah.Igatheredthat.Wowza,poorthing.”
“Herexspenttwentygrandoncamgirlsbeforeshecaughthim.”
Islappedmyforehead.“Whatanidiot.Whydomenthrowawayrealrelationshipsforaminuteortwoofgratification?I’llneverunderstandit.”
“Noteveryguyisdeceitful.”Theeyecontacthekeptwithmewassteepedinmeaning,andIgotthedrift.Charliewasn’tlikeothermen.Butinmyexperience,ifamanhadtosaythat,heprobablywasjustlikeothermen.
Iplacedmyemptyglassonthetinytableandhoppedup.“I’mgoingtotherestroom.Beback.”
“I’llsaveyourseat,”Charliecalledtomyretreatingback.
Therewereperkstobeingtall,onebeingcatchingbartenders’attentioneasily.Iwavedmyhandattheprettywomanbehindthebar.Shestartedtowardme,herstepsstutteringasalongarmreachedoutinfrontofmetoflagherdown.Whensheregainedhercomposure,shewalkedrightpastmetowaitonthepersonwho’dsqueezedinbehindme.
Sheproppedherelbowsonthebarandleanedforward,puttinghertitsondisplay.“Hello,handsome.”
“Goodevening,bella.Itseemsourwaiterhasgonemissing.Isthatsomethingyoucanrectify?”
Irecognizedthatsmooth,silkytimbre.Theslightedgeofimpatiencehadbeenabsentlastweekend,buttherewasnomistakingwho’dstolenmybartender.
Sheranherfingeralongthelineofhercleavage.“IthinkIcantakecareofyou,handsome.Giveittome.”
“I’dbemorethanhappytogiveittoyou.”
Oh,wow.Thisguywasasmooth-as-shitflirt,wasn’the?Nowonderhe’dgottenmeintobedwithbarelyanyeffort
Lukerecitedhisorder,andthebartenderjumpedintoaction.Iswiveledaroundtoexpressmydispleasure.
“Iknowwediscussedyourrudenesswhenyouwouldn’tshareyourpizza,butIthoughtwe’dconqueredthatbadhabit.”
AflashofrecognitionlightenedLuke’sdarkeyes.Momentarydisbeliefgavewaytoasexysmirk.“Areyoustilltalkingaboutthat?”
“Iwouldhaveletitgoifyouhadn’tcutinfrontofme.Thatbartenderwasmine.”
Hecockedhishead.“Ifshewasyours,whydidsheservemefirst?”
Igesturedtohisfacethentherestofhim.“You’rehot.”
“And?”
“Hotnesstendstostrikesomepeoplestupid.”
“Notyouthough?”
Ituckedmyhairbehindmyear,playingcoy,but,man,Iactuallyfeltsomewhatbashfulinfrontofhim.HewasmoreattractivethanIevenremembered,whichseemedimpossiblesinceIrememberedhimbeingdevastatingtolookat.
“I’mnotsoshallow.”Ituggedonhistie,whichwassnugatthecollar,despitebeinginabarduringafter-workhours.“Youlookserious.”
Hisgazedriftedoverme,andI’dneverbeenmoregratefulformysmallcollectionofleather.Myleathershiftdressdidwondersformyfigure,givingmetheillusionofbeingfarcurvierthanIwas.
“Youlookgorgeous.”Hegavemethosebedroomeyesandbitdownonhisbottomlip.
Belyinghiswordsandtheheatbehindhisgaze,hekeptarespectfuldistancebetweenus.
“Thankyou.Youdotoo.Serious,butstillgorgeous.”
Hisslow,easygrinmademystomachflipanddrop.Ihadtostopmyselffromreachingforthebarforsupport.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”heasked
“Havingadrinkwithsomeofmycoworkers.”
Heglancedaround.“Wherearethey?”
“Outsideonthepatio.”
Hiseyesnarrowed.“Likelystory.Areyousureyouaren’tstalkingme?”
Iletoutasurprisedlaugh.“IfIwas,Iwouldneveradmitit.You’reprobablywearingawire.Anyway,youweren’tthatgood—notenoughtogopsycho-stalkeroveratleast.”
Hegavemethatgrinagainandranhishanddownthefrontofhisshirt.“Thatisn’ttrue,andIhavethesheetstoproveit.”
Heatshottomycheeksandthroat.“Didyoureallyhavetobringthatup?”
“Ican’tbelieveyou’reactuallyembarrassedoverthat,prettygirl.Youdon’tstrikemeassomeonewhogetsembarrassedeasily.”
“I’mnot.”Ipressedahandtomyflushedcheek.“Iwasn’tpreparedforyoutotalkaboutthesheets,whichIreallyhopeyou’vewashed.”
Hecockedhishead.“They’resafelytuckedawayinanevidencebag.”
Mynosewrinkled.“Gross.”
“Excuseme.”Webothturnedtofindthebartenderproppingherboobsupagain.“Yourorderisbeingtakentoyourtable,handsome.IsthereanyotherwayIcanhelpyou?”
Lukeranhishandthroughthesideofhishair,mussingitupdeliciously.“Whatdoyouwanttodrink?”
Itriedtomeetthebartender’seyes,butshewasstuckonLuke.“I’llhaveamargaritaontherocks,please.”IflickedmyattentionbacktoLukeasshestartedonmydrink.“Areyouherewithfriends?”
Heshookhishead.“No.Businessassociates.Workisn’toverforme,unfortunately.Ishouldgetbacktothem.”
“Right.Well,itwasgoodseeingyou.Maybewe’llrunintoeachotheragain.”
“Ifyouarestalkingme,I’dworkonyoursubterfuge.Hangingoutinthebarclosesttomyofficeislessthansubtle.”
Irolledmyeyes.“IgotwhatIwantedfromyou.WhywouldIneedtostalkyou?”
Hedippedclosertome,bringinghismouthnearmyear.“Becauseyourecognizedtherewassomuchmoreyoumissedouton.”Hischeekbrushedmine,thenhepulledaway,takingastepback.“Untilnexttime,prettygirl.”
Hetuckedhishandsinhispocketsandstrolledaway.
Ireallydoubtedtherewouldbeanexttime,butithadbeenfunwhileitlasted.ChapterSix
Saoirse
I’dbeenplayingthelonggamewiththehoneyguyatthefarmers’market.Everyweek,Iflirtedalittlemore,slowlyluringhimtomyhook.NotthatI’dknowwhattodowithhimonceIcaughthim,butthegamewasfun.
Today,I’dcomeawaywithafreepackofhoneysticks,oneofmyfavoritesnacks.Isupposedtheyweren’texactlyfreesinceI’djumpedintohelpMickwhilehewasintheweedswithalonglineofcustomers.Iwasn’tanexpertlikehewassincehewasthebeekeeper,butafterasummerofstoppingbyhisboothandsamplingallhisgoods,Icouldanswerquestionsandbaguppurchases.
Ofcourse,myimpromptujobmeantIwasrunninglateforbrunchwithElise,Weston,Elliot,andLuca.
Iwasfinallygoingtomeethim,andIwasjustalittlebitgiddyaboutit.Technically,hewasmyboss,butIwastryingnottothinkaboutthat.Havingbrunchwithmybosswassomewhatintimidating.
Imadeittothebrunchspotwithaminutetospare,soIduckedintotherestroomtowashmyhandsandmakesuremyhairdidn’tlooktoocrazyfrommymorningoutdoors.
Pleasantlysurprisedtofindmyhaircooperating,drapingovermyshouldersinsoftwavesandmycheeksslightlypinkfromthesun,Ipassedinspection.Ismoothedoutmyred-polka-dotwrapskirtandtuggeddownmycroppedwhiteT-shirtthenpushedopenthedoor,intentonfindingmyfriends.
ButIranstraightintoaman.HecaughtmebythearmssoIwouldn’tfallbackwardafterbouncingoffhissolidchest.
“Excuseme,bella.”
Myeyesjerkedup,butnotfar,findingLukewasthedelicious-smellingobstacle.
“What—?”Soshockedtoseehimforthesecondtimeinlessthantwenty-fourhoursIcouldn’tgetmymouthorbraintofunction.
Lukehadnosuchproblems.Hedroppedmyarmslikehe’dbeenscaldedandpracticallyleaptawayfromme.
“Whatthefuckisthis?”hehissed.“Iwasjokingaboutyoustalkingme,butChrist—”
“Waitasecond.YouthinkI’mstalkingyou?”
Hisheavy,darkbrowfurrowedintoafuriousline.“Thisisn’tacoincidence.It’simpossible.AndsinceI’msureashellnotstalkingyou,it’sprettyclearwhat’sgoingonhere.”
Incensedathisridiculousaccusation,Ifoldedmyarmsovermychest.“You’renuts,aren’tyou?HowdoIknowyouaren’tfollowingme?That’smuchmorelikely.Or…Idon’tknow.WebothendedupatapopularbrunchspotonadaywhenhalfofDenvergoesouttobrunch.Didthatoccurtoyou?”
“No.”Hefoldedhisarmsoverhischest.“Youaren’tthefirstgirltochasemelikethis,butitendsnow.IfIseeyouagain,I’llbeforcedtotakeaction.”
“Goforit,buddy.Andseehowstupidyoufeelwhenyou’reprovenpathologicallyparanoid.”
Istormedbyhim,makingsurenottotouchevenathreadofhisstupidlyfittedT-shirt.Whatanegotisticalbastard.TheideathatI’deverstalkaman.Pfft.Itwasoutrageous.
WhenIfoundmyfriends,Iyankedoutmyseatandfloppedintoit.Theirconversationcametoastandstill,alleyesonme.
“Baddayatthefarmers’market?”Elliotdeadpanned.
Mentally,Iwasflippinghimoff,butIrefrainedsincetherewerechildrenpresentaroundus.Thestink-eyeIgavehimconveyedmydispleasureathiscondescendingquestionjustfine.
“Ijustranintothebiggesta-holeinDenver,that’sall.”
Elisehadbeenthoughtfulenoughtoordermeamimosa,whichIslammedback.Ofcourse,champagneandorangejuiceweren’tmeanttobechugged,soIchokedonmyownfuckingdrink.Westonpattedmeontheback,andElisetooktheglassfromme,placingitgentlyonthetable.
WhenIstoppedcoughing,Iwipedmymouthonmynapkinandwavedthemoff.“I’mfine.Sorrytomakesuchadramaticentrance.”Iglancedaroundthetable.“Where’sLuca?Ishenotcoming?”
“He’smakingacall.”Eliseglancedoverhershoulder.“Oh,thereheisnow.”
TimestoodstillwhenIspottedthemaninquestion.Tallandlean,wearingafittedblackT-shirtanddark-graypants,LucaRossistrodetoourtable.ButLucawasn’tLuca.HewasLuke.
Or…LukewasLuca?
Ohshit.
Hespottedmeatthesametime,andhisexpressionwasthunderous.DidhethinkI’dstalkedhimallthewaytothistable?WashenotputtingthepiecestogetherlikeIhad?
Dummy.
ElisehoppedoutofherseatandgrabbedLuca’sarm,steeringhimdirectlyinfrontofme.Islowlyrose,levelinghimwithagazefilledwithmoreconfidencethanIfelt.
“Luca,I’dliketofinallyintroduceyoutomybestgirl,SaoirseKelly.Sersh,meetLuca.”
Iheldoutmyhand.“Hi,Luca.It’snicetomeetyouafterallthistime.”
Afterabeatofhesitation,hishandenclosedmine,andhesqueezedslightlytoohard.“Saoirse.DopeopleoftenmispronounceyournameandcallyouSasha?”
“Allthetime.”Iblinkedathim.“DoyouevergobyLuke?”
“Sometimes.”
Itriedtopullaway,butheheldon,searchingforsomethinginmygaze…ormyexpression.Withahuffthatsoundedlikefrustration,hedroppedhisholdandturnedawayfromme,placingaswiftkissonElise’scheek,thentooktheemptychairacrossthetablefromme.
Oncewewereallseatedandhadordered,conversationpickedupbetweenthefiveofus.WhileIwasstilltryingtowrapmyheadaroundthefactthatI’dhookedupwithLucaRossi,mytechnicalbossandElise’sfriend,Iattemptedtoplayitcool.
“Bytheway,Ihaveapresentforeveryone.”IpickedupmycanvasbagfromwhereI’dstasheditbeneathmychairandreachedin,grabbingthefirstitem.“TheseareforWest.”
Ihandedhimthesix-packofhand-embroideredclothnapkins.Hisbrowcrinkledashestudiedthem,andIlaughedathisbefuddledexpression.
“They’reclothnapkins.Iknowhowimportanttheenvironmentis,soIthoughtyoumightliketheseinsteadofusingpaper.IboughtsomeforEliseandmyselftoo.”
“Thankyou.”Westonsmiledgentlyatme.“Thatwasreallythoughtful.”
“Changingtheworldonenapkinatatime,”Elliotintoned.
“That’sright.”Iwasusedtohim,soIneverlethisteasinggettome.Andthat’swhatI’ddecideditwas.Despitehowclosedoffanduptighthewas,hewouldn’tbemeantomesimplybecauseIwasElise’sfriend.“Don’tworry,Igotsomethingforyoutoo.”
IhandedhimthebeetI’dchosenjustforhim.Heimmediatelydroppeditonthetabletostareatit.“Whatisthis?”
“Aheart-shapedbeet,Elliot.Isawit,anditremindedmeofyou.”
Luca’slowsnickerdrewmyeyestohim.Igrinnedathim,andhishumorfellaway.Hestraightenedinhisseat,composinghimself.
“Oooh,El,I’llsendyouarecipeforbeetsalad.”Elisescrolledthroughherphone.“Ihaven’tmadeitmyselfsince…youknow,cookingandIdon’tmix,butyou’remuchbetterinthekitchenthanIam.Youcanhandleit.”
“Thankyou,El.Ican’twait,”heremarkedwiththeenthusiasmofacorpse.
Isputteredalaugh.ElliotLevywasthebest.
“Don’ttellmeyouleftLucaout,”Westonprodded.“He’slookingrathersadoverthere.”
Lucahelduphishands.“I’mjustfine.”
“WhatkindofpersonwouldIbeifIdidn’tbringLucaagift?”Ireachedinmybagandwithdrewthegrandprize,handingittoElise.“PassthistoLucaforme.”
HetookthecuttingboardfromElise,staringatitinthesamebefuddledmannerElliothadwithhisbeet.I’dbeenexcitedtogivethistohimbeforewe’dmet,butnowIwasamessoftrepidation.
Mylovelanguagewasgifting,andthoughLucaandIhadn’tmet—orsoIthoughtwhenchoosinghispresent—I’dwantedtogivehimsomethingthatshowedhimhowexcitedIwastogettoknowhim.
Nowitjustseemedoverthetop,especiallyafterourbitterexchangeoutsidethebathroom.
“It’saplayonwords,”Iexplained.“It’sacheeseboardwithacrownonitbecauseyou’renowkingoftheboardroom.”
Ontopofthecheeseboard,I’dgivenhimhoney,jam,andafewdifferentcheesesI’dselectedjustforhim.
“Ohmygod,that’ssocute,”Elisecooed.
“Verythoughtful,”Westonadded.
EvenElliothadsomethingkindtosay.“Goodgoing,Kelly.”
“Thanks,Levy,”Icroakedbeforetakingalongsipofmywater.
AllofuswaitedforLuca’sreaction.Beforehecouldsayasingleword,ahordeofwaitersbroughtourfood,andLucasettheboarddownontheground.
On.The.Ground.
Hetossedaperfunctory“thankyou”myway,thendugintohisomeletlikeastarvingman.Fortunately,Elisesteeredtheconversationawayfromhisnonreactiontoasafertopic:Mick,thehoneyguy.
“He’sthereasonIwasalittlelate.Ihelpedhimrunhisstand.”
Elliotfrowned.“Youjust…jumpedbehindthecounter?”
“IaskedbeforeIdidso,butessentially,yes.”
Heshookhishead,andIgrinned.
“Didhepayyou?”Westonasked.
“Inhoneysticks.”
“Ican’tbelieveyou.”Eliseshookherheadmuchthesamewayherbrotherhad.“PoorMickisprobablyplanninghowhe’sgoingtopropose.”
“WhypoorMick?He’splayingthesamegameIam.We’rehavingfun,babe.Itdoesn’thavetomeananything.”
“Whatdoesthatmean?”Lucabarked.“Whatgame?”
“Theyhavebeenflirtingandbanteringallsummer,”Elisesupplied.“Saoirse’sbeenslowlyreelinghimin.”
AdeepcreviceformedbetweenLuca’seyes.“Whathappensonceyoureelmenin?”
Iliftedashoulder.“Itdependsontheman.”
“Cutthemloose?”hepressed.
“Again,dependsontheman.”Itriedtokeepmyanswerslight,butLucawasn’tevenattemptingtodisguisehisdisdain.
EliseshovedLuca’sarm.“Relax.Mickisagrownman,andhe’sbeenflirtingrightback.Plus,hegotfreelabortoday.AsfarasI’mconcerned,he’safewpointsaheadinthislittlegameoftheirs.”
Afteratensebeat,Lucablewoutaheavybreath.“I’msorry.Ihaven’tgottenenoughsleepthisweekandmyheadhurts.I’mbeinganasshole.”
NowthatIwasreallylookingathim,comparedtothemanI’dmetlastweek,heseemedbeatendown.Hewasimpeccablydressedandgroomed,buthisshoulderswereslightlyslumped,andtherewerepurplesmudgesbeneathhisheavy-liddedeyes.
“That’sokay.”Itossedhimasaucysmirk.“IknowIprobablygiveofftheimpressionofbeingafemmefatale,butIassureyou,it’sanillusion.Ihaveneveroncebrokenaman’sheart,nordoIwantto.”
“Canyousaythesame,Luca?”Eliseasked.
Hegaveheraslow,crookedsmile.“I’veneverbrokenaman’sheart,bella.Icanpromiseyouthat.”
Shesnortedalaugh.“Shutupandeatyourfood.You’reridiculous.”
Brunchwentonwithslightlylessanimosityafterthat.Elliottoldusaboutthepropertyhisdevelopmentcompanywasconsideringinvestingin,andtheguysdebatedtheeconomicsofit.ThoughIlistened,Ididn’thavealottoadd.Itwasn’tthatIdidn’thaveamindforbusiness,butIwasmoreofanideaperson.NumberswerelikeSanskrittome.
Eliseleanedclosertome,zoningoutoftheirconversation.“Whatareyoudoingtomorrow?”
“IhavecoffeescheduledwithMaritza,butI’mfreeafterthat.It’llbealaundryandvegday.”
“WhoisMaritzaagain?”
“ImetheratahostelinCroatia,remember?She’sfromBerlin,butshe’smovingtoBoulderandstartingaboutiquegardeningbusiness,whichiswhywe’rehavingcoffee.”
“You’rehelpingherwithherplans?”
Inodded.“Shewantsmetolookoverwhatshehas.”
Elise’smouthflattened.“Andknowingyou,you’llprobablyendupspendinghoursandhoursreworkingeverything.”
“That’sanexaggeration,butyes,Ihaveatendencytogetcarriedawaywithideas.”
“Youshouldn’tbegivingyourtimeandeffortawayforfree.Idon’tknowwhyIhavetokeeptellingyouthat.”
“It’sjustfunforme.”
IhadapropensityforpickingupfriendsandacquaintanceswhereverIwent.ElisecalledmethePiedPiperofneedypeople,whichwasanoverstatementoffacts,tobesure.Besides,Ienjoyedhelpingpeopleout.Lately,myfriendsandacquaintanceshadbeencomingtometogoovertheirbusinessplans,andI’dbeenhelpingthemrefinethem.
LikeI’dsaid,itwasfun.Abrainexerciseforme.
Butinthebackofmymind,I’dbeentoyingwiththeideaofturningthisintoatruebusiness.Itwasonlythebeginningofadaydream,though.Iwasn’tevensureIhaditinmetorunmyownbusiness.Ifitcametofruition,itwouldbewaydowntheline.
“Ifyousayso.”Elisesighed.“Ijustdon’tlikeyoubeingtakenadvantageof.”
“I’llstickwithtempingfornow.”
“Speakingof…”ElisetappedLuca’sforearm.“WereyouawareSaoirseisRossiMotor’slatestemployee?”
Hewentstill,hisgazeflickingtomine.“Iwasn’tawareofthat.Whendidyoustart?”
“I’vebeenatRossiforaweek.It’sonlytemporary,”Iexplained.
“Inwhichdepartment?”
“Marketing.”
Heregardedmecarefully.“Areyouenjoyingworkingformycompany?”
“Ilikemycoworkers,andthejobisinteresting.Plus,there’rebiscottiinthebreakroom,whichupsthecoolfactortremendously.Oh,andGinabringsindonutsandéclairseveryFriday.”
Hisbrowwinged.“Gina?”
“Mmhmm.Gina’sthedepartmentmanager,andshehasthehookup.Herunclerunsabakery.”
“So,whatyou’resayingis,youenjoyworkingformebasedsolelyonthesnacks?”Thecornersofhismouthtippedslightlyinamusement.
“Ididmentiontheworkwasinteresting,butitcouldbedullastoastandI’dstilllookforwardtocomingineverydaysimplyforthebiscotti.NodoubtI’llgaintenpoundsbeforeIleaveRossi,butit’llbeworthit.”
Luca’sgazeslidtoElliot’s.“Issheforreal?”
Elliotfoldedhishandsonthetableandinclinedhischin.“WelcometothewildandwonderfulworldofSaoirseKelly.”
Igasped.“YouthinkI’mwonderful,Levy?I’msoflattered.”
Elliotmadeagruntingsoundandreturnedhisattentiontohismostlyemptyplate.
“Don’tteasemybrother,”Eliseadmonished.“Hedoesn’tknowhowtohandleit.Hemightimplode.”
“Butit’ssofun,”Iwhispered.“Andyes,Luca,I’mreal.Snacksareimportantinaworkplace.Ireadoveryouremployeesurveys.Ibetyouthemarketingdepartmentisthemostsatisfied,andit’sallduetoGinaandhermagicalbakedgoods.”
“I’llbesuretolookintothat,”herepliedwithoutahintofsincerity.
“Youhonestlyshould.Employeesatisfactionisvitaltoanybusiness.”
Hisnostrilsflared.“Iwasn’tawareyou’verunacompany.”
Irefusedtobespokendownto.“Ifyouthinksomeonehastorunacompanytohavecommonsense,you’remoreoutoftouchthanIrealized.”
Hestraightened,leaningforward.“I’mnotoutoftouch.”
Ishrugged.“Okay.Ifyousayso.”
OurfriendscarriedonarounduswhileLucacontinuedgivingmeadarkstare.Assoonasthebillwaspaid,heshotoutofhischair,mumblingexcusesandsayinggoodbyetoeveryonebutme.Intheflurryofhissuddendeparture,nooneelseseemedtonoticetheslight,butIhad.
AndIhatedhowmuchitstung.ChapterSeven
Luca
Forthefirsttimeinweeks,Iwasaloneinmyhome.VincenthadflownbacktoItaly,takingallhischaoswithhim.
I’dspentmyeveningintheblessedquiet,eatingamealI’dcookedwithoutanyonetalkingovermyshoulderanddrinkingthescotchI’dhiddenfromhimsohedidn’tpouritoveroneofthewomenhe’dparadedthroughhere.
Thatwasn’tparanoiaeither.Ayearago,he’dcrackedopenthebottleofMacallanI’dbeensavingforaspecialoccasionanddrankitoffthebodyofawomanhe’dmetthatevening.Mostofithadendedupsoakingintomyguestbedroommattress,andI’dnearlyweptatthewaste.
Ialsohadn’tallowedhimbackintomycondoforayear.TheonlyreasonIhadthistimewasbecauseofmyfather’sheartattack.Vinhadprovidedamuch-neededdistractionfromtheworry.
NowIwassettledinmyden,aheavypourofMacallaninmyglass,mylaptoponmylap,devouringtheemploymentfileofoneMs.SaoirseKelly.
Shehadlettersofrecommendationfromherpasttenemployers,andtheywereallglowing.I’dcometothereluctantconclusionnoneofwhatshe’dtoldmethenightshewasherehadbeenalie.Myfuckingearshadjustheardhernamewrong.IfI’dheardSaoirse,Iwouldhaveaskedquestionsbecausethereweren’tthatmanysix-foot-tallblondesnamedSaoirsewalkingaroundDenver,andI’dbeenwellawareofElise’sbestfriendsinceI’dbeenhearingaboutherforyears.
ButhowhadshenotknownwhoIwas?
Myneedforanswersbeatoutmycommonsense.Iloggedintomycompanyemailtofireoffamessagetoher.
To:saoirsekelly@rossimotors.com
From:lucarossi@rossimotors.com
Saoirse,
DidyouknowwhoIwas?
-Luca
Ittooklessthanfifteenminutesforhertoreply.
To:lucarossi@rossimotors.com
From:saoirsekelly@rossimotors.com
Luca,
Well,hellotoyou,sir.
No,Ididn’tknowwhoyouwere.YoutoldmeyournamewasLuke(whichInowrealizeyoumeantLuc,butIdidn’tknowatthetime),andIhadnoreasontosuspectyouwereanyoneIshouldhaveknown.
Ifwecanputourfirstmeetingbehindus,thatwouldbegreat.Wesharethesamefriends,andI’mworkingforyourcompanyforatleastthenextmonth,soitwouldbeeasiertoactlikeitdidn’thappen,don’tyouagree?
Sincerely,
YourInconvenientHookup,Saoirse-not-Sasha
Fallingbackagainstthecushions,Ireadandrereadherresponse.Shewasjustassassythroughemailsasshewasinperson.
Andshewasright.Hookingupagainwasoutofthequestion.Notjustbecausewewerebothdeeplyenmeshedinthesamecircleoffriends,butbecauseIwasn’tfuckingallowedtohookupanymore.
Iwasplayingthestraightandnarrownow.
Yet,despiteallthosereasons,Ifoundmyselfemailingherback.
To:saoirsekelly@rossimotors.com
From:lucarossi@rossimotors.com
Saoirse,
Iapologizeforgettingyournamewrong.Ifyou’llremember,youweretakingasipofwinewhenyoutoldittome.Also,it’snotanameIhearoftenorever,soforgivemymistake.Itwon’thappenagain.
Iagree,weshouldputitbehindus,butIwon’tbeabletoforgetit.WhenImovemylipstherightway,Istillhavesomesugaronmytongue.Thenthere’stheevidencebag…
Here’swishingyouanotherpleasantweekworkingatRossiMotors.
-Luca,yourboss
Mondaymorning,IstrodeacrossthelobbyofRossi,noddingtotheguardsatthesecuritydesk.IwaslateduetoanearlymorningvideoconferenceI’dtakenfrommyhomeoffice,sotheelevatorbankwasdesertedexceptforonelonewoman.
Ofcourse.
SaoirseKellywasjugglingtwotraysofcoffeeandalargepaperbagasshelookedupattheilluminatednumbersabovetheelevators.Herlonglegs—madelongerbyherhighheels—werecrossedattheankle,proppingherdelicatehiptotheside.Herhairspilleddownherbackinsoftwaves.Standingstill,shegaveofftheimpressionofafiftiesmoviestar.ShehadaGraceKellywayabouther.
Untilsheopenedhermouth.
“Doyouneedhelpwiththose?”
Sheswiveledaround,herrosylipspoppingopenwhenhereyeslandedonme.Hersurprisedidn’tlastlong,though.
“Thankyou,Ireallydo.”Sheheldoutoneofthetrays.
Raisingabrow,Itookitfromher.“Theyhaveyoufetchingcoffee?”
“Themachinebroke.Addonthatit’saMondayandhalftheteamisonatightdeadline,andit’sanactualdisaster.Ivolunteeredjusttogetawayfromtheuncaffeinatedgrumpiness.”
Theelevatordoorsslidopen,andIsteppedinbehindher.Shehitthebuttontoherfloorandherhandhoveredoverthepanel.
“There’snobuttonfortheexecutivefloor.”
“No.”Ipointedtothesensorabovethenumbers.”Ihavetoswipemycard,butIusuallyjusttaketheexecutiveelevator.”
Hereyebrowsshotup.“Wow.Soundscushy.Youdon’thavetoridewiththeplebes.”
“Therearesomeperkstothejob.”
Shesuckedinadeepbreath.“Thanksforemailingme,bytheway.”
“Inoticedyoudidn’treplytothelastone.”
Hernosescrunched.“Well,itwaskindofinappropriate,comingfrommyboss.”
Forthefirsttimetoday,Ichuckled.“Thewholebossthingisstillsettlingin.I’llworkonit.”
“Istillcan’tbelieveyou’reLuca,Luca.”
“I’mfindingithardtobelieveyou’renotSasha.”
Thedoorsslidopenonherfloor.Ihesitatedtofollowherout,andshetwistedaround,herheadcanted.
“Aren’tyoucoming,orareyoustealingmycoffee?”
“I’mcoming.”Isteppedout,thedoorclosingbehindme.“Ihaven’tbeenonthisfloor…Idon’tknow.Maybeever.”
“Really?Haven’tyouworkedherealongtime?”
“SinceIgraduatedcollege.Istayuptop.”
“Westonregularlyvisitseverylevelofhisbuilding,accordingtoElise.”
“I’mnotWeston.”AndIdidn’tlikebeingcomparedtohimbySaoirse.
“No,you’renot.FromwhatI’veheardandexperiencedonce,you’retentimeslessgrumpythanhim.Thoughyou’renotexactlyprovingthatrightnow.”
Impatientforthisconversationtobeover,Ijerkedmychin.“Fine.Leadtheway.”
Thesmilesherewardedmewithwaswideandgleaming,lightingheruptothetipsofhertoes.“Allright,boss.Let’sgo.”
MysisterwaswaitinginmyofficewhenIarrived,workingonherlaptopatmydesk.
“Getout.”Isaidthiswithnoheatorenergy.
Claralookedupfromhercomputerforaflicker,thenhereyesreturnedtohermonitor.“You’reincrediblylate,Luca.Youtoldmeyouwereleavinghomeninetyminutesago.”
“Idid.I’vespentthelasthourinmarketing.”
Herattentionshottomeagain.“What?Why?”
Ismoothedmyhandovermytieandploppeddownintheleatherandchromechairsinfrontofmydesk.“I’mtakingapageoutofWeston’sbook.”
“WestonAldrichrunsaverydifferentcompanythanwedo.”Sherubbedherlipstogether,hereyesnarrowed.“Still,itcan’thurttogiveouremployeesfacetime,especiallysinceyou’vebeenanabsentexecutivealltheseyears.”
“Ithoughtsotoo.”
Iproppedmyankleonmykneeandregardedmysister.Atthirty-four,Clarawasthreeyearsolderthanmeandallbusiness.Shewasthegoldenchildofthefamily,seriousandcommittedtoRossiMotorsbasicallysincebirth.
ShelookedgoodbehindtheCEO’sdesk.Anatural.Butthemantlehadn’tfallentoher.ClarawasRossi’sCOOandadamnfineone.Ifshe’dbeeneyeingthejobInowhad,she’dneversaid.Itwasalwaysunderstooditwouldgotomewhenthetimecame,butIdidn’tthinkanyofuspredictedthetimewouldcomesosoon.
“Whatareyoudoinginmyoffice?”Iasked.
“Waitingforyou,obviously.”Sheclickedherlaptopshutandcircledthedesk.Itstillunsettledmetoseeherprotrudingbelly.Fourandahalfmonthsalongwithmyfutureniece,Claraactedlikenothinghadchanged,excepthernormallyefficient,waifishfigurenowhadanever-growingbumpinthefront.“Ireadovertheconsultants’report.”
“So,youwastedyourtimereadingbullshit?”
“Theyhaveapoint,Luca.There’snodenyingmarriedCEOsareseenasmoretrustworthythansingleones.”
“Again,it’sutterbullshit.”Myfingersslicedthroughthesideofmyhair,givingitahardtug.“HowmanyofMomandDad’sfriendsregularlycheatontheirwives?Iwouldsaymostifnotall.”
“Bethatasitmay,it’saboutperception.”Shepushedherdark-rimmedglassesontopofherhead,levelingmewithherversionofsympathy.“I’mgoingtosendyoualistofacceptablewomenyoushouldgettoknow.Thisdoesn’thavetobepainful.”
“Saysthewomanwhochoseherownhusband.”
MillerFairfieldwasagood-on-paperhusband,whichmeantmyparentswholeheartedlyapprovedofhim.Somuch,he’drecentlybeenpromotedtoRossi’sCFO.Personally,Ithoughthehadthepersonalityofpaper,andI’dneveronceseenhimlookatClarathewayourfatherlookedatourmother:likeshewasatreasure,andheknewit.Buthe’dbeenaroundforadecadenow,soI’dacceptedhewasapermanentfixtureinthefamily.Fortunatelyforme,hewaseasytodisregardwhenIdidn’thavetodealwithhimdirectly.
Lately,though,he’dtakentogivingmedailyupdatesonamom-and-popbusinessblogthat,accordingtoMiller,hadahard-onforreportingRossi’smissteps.Thenewhabitwasfuckingannoying,butaslongasInoddedandgruntedwhenhedid,heleftmealoneoncehewasdoneranting.
IimaginedClaraneverheardtheendofit.Thenagain,shecouldhandleherselfandherbusiness,somaybesheshuthimdowneasierthanIdid.
“Ichoseahusbandwhowouldbenefitthisfamilyandourcompany,Luca.Ididn’tgooutcavorting,gettingmypicturetakensnortingcocaineoffrandomwhores’breastsinnightclubs.”
Iheldmyhandsup.“Thathasneverhappened.IsthatwhatyouimagineIdo?”
Shegroanedunderherbreath.“Whetheryou’vedoneitornot,it’sperception.Youoftendogetphotographedstumblingoutofnightclubswithdifferentwomenonyourarm.Thepublic—ourshareholders—fillintheblanksonwhatyou’redoinginsidethoseclubs.”
BeforeIcouldlaunchmyrebuttal,Clarayelped,herhandsflyingtoherbelly.Iscootedtotheedgeofmychairinalarm.
“Areyouokay?”
Shenodded,hermouthtight.“Thebaby’sswimming.Shemustlikeyourvoice.”
Inaninstant,Iwasonmykneesinfrontofher.Shetookmyhand,guidingittothesideofherbelly.Mynieceinstantlyletherpresencebeknown,flutteringagainstmypalmwithallhermight.
“That’scrazy,”Iuttered.
“Iknow,”shewhispered.“Sometimesshegetshiccups,anditblowsmymindtothinkthere’satinypersoninsidemehiccuping.”
Imetmysister’ssoftgaze.“Youreallythinkshelikesmyvoice?”
“Shemight.Shegotlivelywhileweweretalking.”
Leaningcloser,Ihadachatwithmyniece.“Hi,bella.It’sUncleLuca.I’mfuckingdyingtomeetyou.”
Clarakickedmeintheknee.“Don’tcurseatthebaby.”
“Shit.”Iwincedwhenshekickedmeagain.“Sorry,bambina.UncleLuca’sgoingtoworkonthatbeforeyou’reborn.We’regoingtohavesomuchfun.Yourmomanddadarenice,andthey’regoingtoloveyoulikemad,butI’llbetheonetoteachyouallthewildthingstheywon’tletyoudo.It’llbeourlittlesecret.Youandme,kid.”
Clarashovedmyforehead,knockingmebackonmyknees.“Youwillnotcorruptmydaughter.”
Iheldupmythumbandforefingeraninchapart.“Justalittle?”
Shebitdownonherbottomliptoholdbackhergrin.“No,Luca.Bythetimeshe’shere,you’llbereformedanyway.”
“Iagreetocleanupmyimage,butyou’llneverforcemetobeMiller.”
Sherolledhereyes.“NoonewantsyoutobeMiller.Beyourself,just…aquieterversionwithabeautiful,respectablewifeonyourarm.Isthatsoawful?”
“Itwouldn’tbeifitweremydecision.”
Shepattedmyshoulder.“Igetit,butweallhavetomakesacrifices.Besides,thiscouldbethebestthingthateverhappenedtoyou.”
Whenshefinallyleft,witharemindertolookoverthelistofacceptablewomenshewasgoingtosendme,Isankdowninmychairandrubbedmyrighteyebrow.
Thiswaspartofmyjob,andthepressurewasonmetoexcelatit.NotjustfromboardmembersandshareholdersbutfromthegreaterRossifamily,mostofwhommadetheirlivingfromthecompany.
Therewasnothinglikeknowingalmostmyentireextendedfamily’swealthdependedonthejobIdidinapositionIdidnotwant.
Wantitornot,itwasmine.
AnemailcameinfromClara.Herlist.Theideaofshoppingforawifeinthismannerturnedmystomach.Mysisterwasoneofmyclosestfriends,butwewerevastlydifferentpeople.Therewasabsolutelynowayanyofthewomenshedeemedacceptablewouldinterestme.
Iopenedheremailanyway.
Sometimessacrificeshadtobemade.ChapterEight
Saoirse
AlthoughI’drecentlyturnedtwenty-sevenandhadbeenlivingonmyownsinceI’dleftforcollege,mymothertreatedmelikeanincapablechild.Itwasonlybearablebecauseshewasstatesawayandtoobusytopryintomylifeonadailybasis.
Butwhenshefoundtheopportunity,whew,didshedigin.
She’dbookedaphonecallwithmeduringmylunchhour.Beingwrittenintomymother’scalendarwasn’tunusualandhadstoppedbotheringmeadecadeago.
Shewaswhoshewas,andIstrovetobethepolaropposite—whichwaswhyIwassittingonthepatioofacafé,pickingatmysandwich,respondingtoherquestionsinthemannerIknewwouldsatisfyher.Thatwastheeasiestwaytohandlemymother.
“HowisElise?”sheasked.
“Reallygreat.ShelovesherjobatAndes,andofcourse,Idon’tknowhowIsurvivedwithoutherinDenveralltheseyears.”
Mymotherhuffed.Icouldpracticallyhearherindignationthroughthephone.“Itisn’tasifyou’vebeeninDenverallthistime.Youweretravelingmorethanyouwerehome.”
“Youknowme.IfI’minoneplacetoolong,Igetantsy.”
“Allfineandgood,Saoirse,butyou’regettingtoooldtoplaythepartofahostel-staying,brokebackpacker.Itisn’tcuteanymore.”
Irolledmyeyes.MymotherhadnoideawhereIstayedwhenItraveledorwhatIdid.Shehadanimageinhermind,andshecouldn’tletgoofit.
“Idon’thaveanytravelplansrightnow,”Itoldher,whichwasstrictlytrue.ButIwasn’tmuchofaplanner,sothatdidn’tmeanIwouldn’tbetravelinginthenearfuture.
“Good.Thenyoushouldbelookingforapermanentposition.Withyourexperience,thereisn’tareasontocontinuetemping.It’sbeneathyou,butasidefromthat,you’retakingpositionsfrompeoplewhotrulyneedthem.Iknowthatisn’tsomethingyouwouldwillinglydo.”
Oof.Thatoneactuallygotmegood.IwasoverqualifiedformostofthepositionsItook,thatwastrue,butmyworkhistorywasn’texactlyglowingtopotentiallong-termemployers.ThelongestI’dstucktoajobwassixmonths,andI’dbeencrawlingoutofmyskinbytheend.
“I’mlooking,Mom.ButIwon’tsettle.Besides,I’menjoyingworkingatRossi,andmycontracthasbeenextendedanothermonth.”
Iwasn’tlookingforanotherjob,butaslongasItoldherIwas,shenormallylaidoffuntilthenextphonecall.Anditwasn’tthatshewasstupidandactuallybelievedme,butmypromisesassuagedher“momworries”enoughtodropthesubjectandnotthinkaboutituntilwespokeagain.
“Amotorcyclecompany,Saoirse?Idon’tseeyoustayingtherelongterm.WhataboutthemarketingfirmPetertoldyouabout?”
“I’lllookintoit.”
Iwouldn’t,andwebothknewit.Weweredancingthedancewealwaysdid.
Shesighedhertired,put-uponsighIknewalltoowell.Mypoormotherhadbeenblessedwithtwochildrenwhowerenothinglikeher,anditwouldforeverrankleher.Fortunately,shehadPeter,herright-handmanandprotégé,whoallowedhertoshapehimlikehewasalumpofclay.
“Let’stalkaboutbrightersubjects.Tellmewhatyou’vebeenuptoinyourdowntime.”
Thiswascodefor,Whoareyoudating?Iwasn’treallyinthemoodtodisappointheryetagain.
“I’vebeenhelpingafriendwithhernewbusinessinBoulder.It’sconsumingalotofmytimerightnow.Otherthanthat,youknowme,I’masunjunkie.I’moutsidewheneverI’mnotintheoffice.Thefarmers’market—”
“Andareyouspendingtimeoutsidewithanyonespecial?Ifyou’renot,PeterhasacollegefriendwhorecentlymovedtoDenver.HewenttoYale,skislikeyoudo…Iknowyou’dgetalong,andhecoulduseatourguideforallthehiddenlocalspots.”
Iclosedmyeyes,cringinghard.I’dlethersetmeupondatesbeforeandsmiledmywaythroughthemtomakeherhappy,butPeterwassuchatool.Anyonehewasfriendswithhadtobeequallyawful.
“I’mseeingsomeone,”Iblurtedout.
“Oh.”ShewentsoquietIcouldhearapindrop.“Isthisnew?”
“It’s—we’vebeenfriendsforawhile,butnow,it’smore,andit’sserious.”Whywerethesewordscomingoutofmymouth?WhatwasIevensaying?Shewasgoingtohavequestions,andIhadnoanswers.Iwastheworstliarwho’deverlived.
“Isit…notElliotLevy?”
“No,whywouldyouthinkthat?”Ialmostgaggedattheidea.Elliotwassexlesstome.HemightaswellhavebeenaKendoll.Sure,hewashotinhisownbuttoned-upway,butinmyeyes,hehadnodick.
“Youmentionedyouwerefriends,andI’mnotreallyawareofyouhavingothermalefriends.Unless—”
“No,I’mnotalesbian.”
“Itwouldbefineifyouwere,Saoirse.”
“Iknow,butI’mnot.ThepersonI’mseeingisverymuchaguy.”
“Won’tyoutellmewhoheis?”
Iscrambledforanacceptableanswer.IfImadesomeoneupoutofthinair,she’dknowbecauseshe’dsicPeteronthenamethesecondwehungup.Probablybefore,ifshecouldswingit.
Puffingupmycheeks,Islowlyexhaled.“Luca.I’mseeingElliotandWeston’sfriend,Luca.”
Shepaused.“Rossi?”
“Yes,”Ipushedout,hatingmyselfforlyingtomyownmother.
“Andit’sserious?”
“We’recommitted.He’smyboyfriend.”
“Ishecommitted?”
“Yes,Mom.Iwouldn’tbewithhimifhewasn’t.”
“Ofcourseyouwouldn’t.You’resmarterthanthat.”
WasI?Iwasfeelingprettyfreakingstupidrightnow.
ShepepperedmewithafewmorequestionsthatIshutdownaswellasIcould,then,atexactlytwelvethirty,sheletmego.Itmust’vebeentimeforhernextappointment.
Withagroan,Iletmyheaddropintomyhands.I’dhavetomakeupsomespectacularbreakupstorybeforeournextscheduledcall.AtleastIcouldtellherIwastooheartbrokentodateandbuymyselfsomeleeway.
Thechairacrossfrommescrapedonthestonepatio.Ilookedup,shockedtofindLucaRossisettlingacrossfromme,adevioussmirkplayingonhislushlips.
“Hello,Saoirse.”Mynameslippedfromhistonguelikerich,smoothcream.
“Hi,Luca.”
Heleanedbackinhischair,drapinghislongarmacrossthebackoftheonebesideit.
“We’redating,arewe?”
Mynosecrinkled.“Didyoureallyhavetohearthat?”
Hechuckled,lowandsilky.“Idon’tknowifIhadto,butIdid.”
“I’mnotcrazy,”Itoldhim.
“Ifindsanepeopledon’thavetotellothersthey’renotcrazy.”
“Well,maybeIamcrazy,butI’mnotdelusional.Iknowwe’renotdating.Iwasspeakingtomymother,andshewasthreateningtosetmeuponyetanotherdate,soItoldherIhadaboyfriend,andyournamewasthefirstthatpoppedintomyhead.”
Hisbrowwinged.“Whyisthat?Haveyoubeenthinkingaboutme?”
“It’shardnottowhenyourlastnameisalloverthebuildingI’vebeengoingtothelastthreeweeks.”
Hehummed,hiseyesrakingoverme.“Whydoesyourmotherwantyoutodatesobadlyyoufeeltheneedtolietoher?”
Iliftedashoulder,notwantingtorevealtheinnerworkingsoftheKellyfamily,butsinceI’ddraggedhimintoit,IguessedIowedLuca.
“Ifyoucanimaginesomeonewhoisthepolaroppositeofme,that’smymom.She’sknownwhatshewasgoingtodoandwhoshewasgoingtobeherentirelife.”
“Andwhat’sthat?”
“She’saCaliforniastatesenator.Herfatherheldthepositionbeforeher,hisfatherbeforehim.”
Hedroppedhisarmontothetableandleanedforward.“Interesting.You’reclearlynotonthatpath.”
“No.”Isnortedalaugh.“Noonewouldelectmetomakepoliticaldecisions.I’mnotthatperson,whichmymotherrecognizedlongago,tohergreatdisappointment.”
Hisbrowsdroppedheavilyoverhisnarrowedeyes.Heseemedlikehewasgoingtosaysomethingbutshookhisheadandpressedhismouthintoaflatline.
Iflickedmyhand,aimingforairy,butIhadafeelingIcameoffasmanic.“Sometimesit’stiringtoconstantlydisappointher,andthatphonecallwasdrippingwithit.So,IliedwhensheaskedaboutwhoIwasseeing,andforonce,shedidn’tendthecalltellingmehowworriedshewasaboutme.I’llhavetosetherstraightwhenwespeakagain,butit’llbeafewweeks.IamsorryIdraggedyouintoit,though.”
Herappedonthetablewithhisknuckles.“Apologyaccepted.Ihopeourbreakupisn’ttoopainful.”
Igrinned.“It’llbeyourfault.You’regoingtobreakmyheart.”
Thatearnedmeloweredlidsandasoftcurveofhismouth.“Iwouldnever,bella.”
Itippedmyheadtotheside.“Bella,huh?Nomore‘prettygirl?’Igetlumpedinwithalltheothers?”
Hechuckled,andsomeofhiswaywardhairfloppedontohisforehead,givinghimaroguishqualitythatsuitedhimimmensely.
“Isthisthebeginningoftheendofourfakerelationship?”hequipped,ignoringmyquestion.Whichwasfine.Ididn’treallywanttoknowwhyI’dbeendowngradedtobella
“Weweredoomedfromthestart.”
Heturnedhishead,stillsmilingslightly.“Ihavetogetback.”
“Metoo.”
Herosetohisfeet,andthatwaswhenInoticedhehadacupofcoffee.Itsurprisedmethathe’dbeenoutfetchinghisown,butmaybehe’dneededabreakfromtheofficetoo.
Igatheredmythings,andwestrolledbacktotheRossibuildingtogether.Asweapproachedtheentrance,twomenwithprofessionalcamerascameoutofnowhereandstartedsnappingpictures.
Lucaimmediatelytensed.Hisarmbandedaroundmyshoulders,pullingmesotightintohissideIwasalmostbehindhim.
“Who’sthat,Mr.Rossi?Areyouonadate?”
“Isthisyourgirlfriend,Luca?What’shername?”
“Issheamodel?Doessheknowaboutyourreputation?”
“Howdoyoufeelaboutthelowstockprices?”
“AreyougoingtobereplacedasCEO?”
“Isyourfatherdying?”
ThatlastquestionthrownatusbythetwomencausedLucatostopwalking.Hishandtightenedonmyshoulder,andeverymuscleinhisbodywentrigid.
Icircledmyarmbehindhim,rubbingthecenterofhisback.“Comeon,Luca.Let’sgoinside,”Imurmured.“Weneedtogetinthebuilding.”
WhenIpressedonhisback,hefinallybeganwalkingagain,steeringmeintothelobby,awayfromtheintrusiveshoutsofthephotographers.
“Wow,thatwasintenseandreallyinvasive.”
Luca’ssharpjawticced.“Justanotherday.”
Withoutanotherword,Lucawalkedawayfrommeintohisexecutiveelevator,whereIcouldn’tfollowevenifIwantedto.
Anemailappearedinmyinboxattheendoftheworkday.Sinceitwasfrommyboss,Idecidednottoignoreit.
To:saoirsekelly@rossimotors.com
From:lucarossi@rossimotors.com
Saoirse,
Pleasecometomyofficefirstthinginthemorning.Securitywillhaveanelevatorcardforyou.
Yours,
Luca
Whatthehellcouldthisbeabout?Icouldn’tevenbegintofathomwhyhe’dneedtosummonmetohisofficesoformally.Itwasannoyinghewasmakingmewaituntiltomorrowtofindout.
To:lucarossi@rossimotors.com
From:saoirsekelly@rossimotors.com
Luca,
I’dcallyouthekingofedging,butthatwouldn’tbeaccuratesinceIknowyou’reintoimmediategratification.
I’llbethereinthemorning,sir.Bellswillcostyouextra.
Sincerely,
YourInconvenientHookup,Saoirse
Aminutelater,anotheremailpoppedintomyinbox.
To:saoirsekelly@rossimotors.com
From:lucarossi@rossimotors.com
Saoirse,
Itwouldbemostappreciatedifyoustoppedreferringtoyourselfthatway,especiallythroughcompanyemail.
Toyourfirstpoint,I’mamanwhoisflexibleinthewayIgetthingsdone.Sometimes,it’sslowanddeliberate.Othertimes,it’sfastandrepeated.
Wecandiscussallthisinthemorning.
Yours,
LucaChapterNine
Saoirse
TheexecutivefloorofRossiwasintimidatingthemomentIsteppedoutoftheelevator.Abeautifulchrome-and-leathermotorcyclewasmountedtotheburnt-redwallbeneathRossi’sinsignia.Toitsleftwasaglass-and-chromereceptiondesk,whichwasempty.Thatmadesense,though.Mostemployeesdidn’tstartarrivingforanotherhour.
Istrodepasttheemptydesk,swivelingmyheadleftandright.Theofficesupherewereallglass,soitwaseasytoseemostwerestillunoccupied.Theglowinglightcomingfromthecorneractedasabeacon.Ididn’tknowforafactitwasLuca’soffice,butIcouldtakeawildguess.
AsIdrewcloser,IspottedLucabehindhisdesk,typingawayathiscomputer.Thetopbuttonofhisshirtwasundone,andhistiewasloosearoundhisneck.Helookedmorehimselfthanwhenhewasperfectlytidyandcoiffed.Thestiff,starchedversiondidn’tsuitthemanI’dmetahandfuloftimes.
Iknockedonhisopendoor.“Goodmorning.”
Hisheadjerkedup,startled.“Hey.Shit.Timeescapedme.Comein,andpleaseclosethedoorbehindyou.”
Itseemedsillytoclosethedoorwhentheofficewasmadeofpureglassandnoonewasaroundtohearus,butthenLucapickeduparemote,andtheglassbecameopaque.
“Wow.”Ispunaroundtocheckouttheunexpectedturnofevents.“That’sprettybadass.”
Hechuckled,butitsoundedstrained.“Anotherperkofthejob.”
Ifacedhimand,withoutinvitation,satdowninoneofthechairsinfrontofhisdesk.“Privateelevatorsandremote-controlledwindows.Whatwillyoutellmenext?Youhaveaccesstothewatercooler?”
Thistime,hislaughcameoutalittlemorefreely.“IcandrinkallthewaterIwant.It’stheonlyreasonIhaven’tquit.”
Igrinnedathim.“Thatwoulddoitforme.Though,ifthisishowearlyyounormallyshowuptowork,itmightnotbeworthit.”
“Notamorningperson,Saoirse?”
Howdidthismanmakemegofromlightheartedtodrenchedpantiesfromthesimpleactofsayingmyname?Mythighspressedtogetheroftheirownvolition,andIshiftedinmychairinanattempttocoverupthemove.
“No,Luca.I’mdefinitelyanightowl.”
Heleanedforwardonhisforearms,claspinghishandstogetheronhisdesk.“AsamI.Mylifestylehasdoneaone-eightysinceItookthisposition.I’vealreadyhitthegymwithElliotandWeston.”
“Iwon’tpretendI’vedoneanythingotherthandragmyselfoutofbedandgetdressed.AreyougoingtoexplainwhyIhadtoshowupsoearly?”
“IhavesomethingIwanttodiscusswithyou.AbusinesspropositionoutsidethescopeofyourjobatRossi.”
“Okay.Youhavemeintrigued.Shoot.”
Heturnedhisheadtoreadsomethingoffhiscomputerscreen.“YourmotherisSenatorLilySmythe-Kelly,correct?”
Mystomachinstantlydropped,butmydisappointmentinLucadidn’tpinmetomychair.Iwasupinaflash,indignationspurringmeon.
“Iwon’tdiscussmymotherwithyou.IfRossiwantstoopenaplantorstoreorwhateverinherdistrict,you’llhavetogothroughthenormalchannelslikeeveryoneelse.Ihavenopowerovermymother’sdecisionsand—”
“Saoirse,youmisunderstandme.”Lucaroundedhisdesk,takingmyelbowsinhishandstokeepmeinplace.“I’minterestedinwhatitwaslikegrowingupinthatworld.Idon’twantorneedanythingfromyourmother.Yourfathereither,thoughIwouldn’tmindvisitinghisranchwhenI’mnotburiedunderresponsibilities.”
Myfaceburnedwhilemymindwhirledwithconfusion.Whatthehellwasgoingonhere?
“Youresearchedmyfamily?”Ispitout.“Whywouldyoudothat?”
“Ifyou’llsitdown,I’llexplaininamoment.”HereleasedoneofmyelbowstogesturetowardthechairI’djustlaunchedmyselfoutof.“Please.”
Itwasn’tasifIwasgoingtostormoutofthisofficewithoutanswers,andLucahadtoknowthat.Still,Istaredathim,givinghimmajoreyedaggerssoheknewhowdispleasedIwas.
“Fine.Butifyoucrosstheline,I’moutofhere,andI’llbetellingEliseeverythingthathappened.”
Hisflinchwasslightbutperceptible.Iappreciatedthathedidn’twanttodisappointmybestfriend.ThatwassomethingI’dhavetoremember.
ThistimewhenIsatdown,Lucatookthechairbesidemineandwastednotimeexplaininghimself.
“ThereasonIbroughtupyourmotheris,Iassume,growingupinapoliticalfamily,youhaveanunderstandingoftheimportanceofimage.”
Inoddedslowly.“Ido,whichiswhyIdon’tlivenearmymotherinCalifornia.I’mnotashowhorseforhertotrotoutinfrontofherdonorsandconstituents.”
Hismouthflattened,andheinhaleddeeplythroughhisnose.“Igetthatmorethanyouknow.WhenItookoverasCEO,aconsultingcompanywashiredtoanalyzemyimageandpresentedmewithafifteen-pagereporttellingmeallthethingsIhadtochangeaboutmyself.”
Igroaned.“Ugh,Iamfamiliar.Iwentthroughthatinhighschoolwhenmymotherwasconsideringarunforgovernor.Trybeingaseventeen-year-oldgirlreadingoneofthosereports.”
HishandsballedintofistsasIspoke.“That’sutterbullshit.”Thenheshovedhisfingersintohishair.“That’sthelasttimeIcomplainaboutmysituation.”
“Theycanbothbebad,Luca.It’sneverfuntohavestrangerspryintoyourprivatelife.”
“Right.”Henoddedhard,thensmoothedouthisruffledhair.“I’mgoingtolevelwithyouonwhyIaskedyouhere.I’vebeentoldbeingmarriedwillmakemesomethinglikeseventy-fivepercentmoretrustworthy.Mysister,Clara,hasgivenmealistofacceptablewomentodatewiththeintentionofmarrying.Itriedtopickoneortwooutthatsoundedinteresting,buttheywereallbasicallyclonesofClara,andIcouldn’tbringmyselftodoit.”
Istayedsilent,waitingontenterhooksfortheothershoetodrop.
“Wewerephotographedtogetheryesterday,andthepictureswerepublishedthismorningwithconjecturesyouandIaredating.That,alongwiththestoryyoutoldyourmother,ledmetothebestpossiblesolutionforbothofus.Marryme.”
Aloudlaughpoppedoutofme.“Iknowyou’rejoking,butyoureallyhadmeinthefirsthalf.”
Heshookhishead.“I’mnotjoking,Saoirse.I’dlikeustoenterintoatemporarymarriagecontract.Itwilltakethepressureoffusboth.”
“Stopit,Luca.”Iswattedhisknee.“I’mnotfallingforthis.”
Henoddedtowardmypurse.“Checkyouremail.Youshouldhaveapreliminarycontractfrommylawyersyou’llwantyourowncounseltoreview.”
Justsothisstupidrusewouldend,Itookoutmyphone.WhenIsawtheveryofficial-lookingemailfromawell-knownlawfirmsittingatthetopofmyinbox,Inearlytossedthethingacrosstheroom.
“You’reserious.”
Luca’sgazeneverleftmine.“Completely.Wecandiscussthetermsanddetailsasmuchasyou’dliketobecomfortable,butI’vethoughtitthrough,andIseethisasmutuallybeneficial.Youwon’thavetolietoyourmotheragain,andI’llbeabletofocusonmyjobratherthanmypersonallife.”
“Yousaidtemporary.Howlongwouldwebemarried?”
Icouldn’tbelieveIwasevenentertainingthisidea,butnowthatithadsunkinthatLucawasserious,mycuriosityhadbeensparked.
“Atleastayear,butmorelikelytwo.Itcan’tbeshorterthanthat,oritwillmakemelookunstable,whichistheoppositeofwhatI’mgoingfor.”
“Twoyearsisalongtime.Whatifyoumeetthewomanofyourdreamsinthattime?”
Hehuffed.“I’mnotworriedaboutthat.”
Iwonderedifhe’dthoughtofanythingotherthanthebarefacts.Mymindwenttothelogisticsofbeingmarriedfortwoyearstoamanwhowaslittlemorethanastranger.
“Whatdoyouseeourmarriageentailing,Luca?”
“Wewouldbeseentogetheratevents.Youwouldaccompanymetobusinessdinnersandconferences.Wewouldobviouslylivetogethertoo.”
“Andwhataboutourfamilyandfriends?Wouldtheybeinonit?”
“No.Toeveryonebutus,itwouldbearealmarriage.”
Icrinkledmynose.“I’materribleliar.”
“Youwon’thavetolie.Wewillbelegallymarried.”
“You’respeakinglikeit’saforegoneconclusionI’llsayyes.”
Heraisedabrow.“Weren’tyoutheonewhotoldmeyousayyeswhenthere’sthesmallestchanceyou’llgetsomethingoutofit?I’msurprisedbyyourhesitation.”
Ihadtolaughatthat.“You’reaskingmetomarryyou,Luca.Imaybespontaneous,butevenIneedtothinkthisonethroughfromallangles.Besides,whatwouldIbegettingoutofthismarriage?”
Hislidslowered,andheslantedhisbodytowardmine.“Me,asahusband.”
Oh,hewasturningonthecharm.Hemust’vereallywantedthis.
“Isthatsupposedtobeanincentive?”
“Idohaveareallynicecondo.”
“Youdo,althoughIlovelivingwithElise.”
“She’llbemovinginwithWestonbeforeyouknowit.”
Athousandquestionsbattledforfirstplaceinmymind.Themostinappropriateoneclaimedvictory.“Whataboutsex?”
“Ilikeit.”
“Shutup,Luca.”Icouldn’tstopmyselffromgrinning.“Imean,areyougoingtwoyearswithoutgettinglaid?Orwillyoubebringinghomerandomwomen?”
“Areyoutakingyourselfoffthemenu?”
“Thisisyouridea.Surelyyou’vethoughtaboutthis.”
“Whataboutyou,Saoirse?Canyougotwoyearswithoutgettinglaid?
“Sure.I’vedoneitbefore.”
Hewinced.“Why?”
“Despitewhatyoumaythinkbasedonourfirstmeeting,Idon’tlikecasualhookups.That’sonethingIrarelysayyesto.”
“Won’tyougetanythingoutofit?”
Ichuffed.“Notoften.”
“Thenwhydidyousayyestome?”
Ipulledmybottomlipbetweenmyteeth.“BecauseIwasprettycertainIwouldgetsomethingoutofbeingwithyou.”
Heblinkedslowly.“Andyouwereright.”
Weexchangedalonglook,butIdidn’thavetosayanything.We’dbothbeenthere.HeknewexactlywhatI’dgottenoutofbeingwithhim.
Heproppedhisankleonhiskneesandrubbedhischin.“Toansweryourquestion,no,Iwon’tbebringingrandomwomenhome.That’snotagoodlookforamarriedman,andIcanguaranteeitwouldgetout.Asforus,ifwefuck,it’llbeoutsidetheconfinesofouragreement.”
“Whatdoesthatmean?”
Hedroppedhishand,hisfingerscurlingaroundthearmofhischair.“Eventually,Iwouldliketohavearealmarriage,muchlikemyparents’.Marriagemeanssomethingtome.Thatisn’twhatthisis.I’mmarryingyoubecauseit’sconvenientforbothofus,mutuallybeneficial,andIhaveafeelingyou’renotlookingforahusband,oryouwouldhavefoundone.”
“I’mdefinitelynot.Ineverwanttogetmarried.”
Heconsideredme,rakinghisdarkeyesovermyface.“Never?Nodreamsofabig,whitewedding?”
“No.Never.”Itwistedmylips.“Ilikedresses,butI’mnotatraditionalkindofgirl.”
“Good,thenyouwon’tbedisappointedthatwe’llbeelopinginaprivateceremony.”
Isnorted.“You’vereallyplannedthisout,haven’tyou?IsupposeIwon’tbegettingahoneymoonthen.”
“Ican’texactlytakeavacationrightnow.”Hisjawflexedashestaredatmeintently.“Iwouldliketosaveallthosetraditionsformyfuturewife.Iwon’tsaynotoaweddingnight,though.”
“You’llditchallthetraditionsexcepttheoneinvolvingsex.Thatmakessense.”
“We’recomingatthisfromoppositedirections,butwe’remeetingatthesamepoint.Thisisabusinesstransaction.Sexisn’tbusiness,sowhenithappens,itwon’thaveanythingtodowithourmarriage.”
Irolledmyeyes.“Againwiththeforegoneconclusions.”
“Idon’twastetimepretending,Saoirse.”
Hehadmethere.Ifitweren’tforushavingthisoutrageousconversation,Imight’velikedtoclimbintohislapandpickupwherewe’dstopped.
“I’llhavetothinkaboutthis.”
Somethinginhimdeflated.“Ithoughtyousaidyestoexperiences.”
“Idid,butyou’reaskingmetodosomethingIdon’tbelievein.”
“Allthemorereasontodoit.Ifyoudon’tbelieveinmarriage,what’stheharminenteringafakeonewithme?”
Ifoldedmyarmsovermychest,refusingtobeconvincedbythisveryconvincingman.“We’llhavetolietoourfriendsandfamily.That’stheharm.”
“That’sthedownside,Iagree.Butwhenwedivorce,it’llbeamicable.Wewon’tforceanyonetochoosesidessincetherewon’tbearift.”
HewassocalmandslickwithhisanswersIwantedtoshoutandrufflehimupalittle.Thismanwasaskingforalotwhilebehavinglikeitwasnothing.
“Ican’tsayyesrightnow.I’msorryifthat’sdisappointing,butIneedtoreallyconsiderthis.”
Therewasatensemomentwhereitseemedhewaspoisedtoarguewithmebutthenreleasedalongexhale.
“Ofcourseyoucanhavetime.Sendthecontracttoyourlawyer—”
“Idon’thavealawyer,Luca.”
“Right.”Heslidhisphonefromhispocket,tappingsomethingonthescreen.“I’msendingyouthenameofanotherfirmItrust.I’llletthemknowtoexpectacallfromyou.Obviously,I’llbepayingalllegalfees.”
“Obviously.”
Lucawalkedmetothedoor.Beforeheopenedit,Ispunaroundtofacehim.
“Yourealizethisisnuts,right?”
Hepaused,staringathishandontheknob,thenliftedhisgazetomine.“Ido,whichshouldtellyouhowfuckingdesperateIamtobeoutfromundersomeoftheweightpressingdownonme.”
Itonlylastedafewseconds,butinthattime,Luca’scharmfellaway,lettingmeseehisfatigueandturmoil.Itwasalmostenoughformetoagreerightthenandthere,butIwassmarterthanthat.
SavingLucacouldn’tbetheonlyreasonIsaidyes.
CharliewashangingaroundmycubiclewhenIhustledintotheoffice.ThoughI’dshownuptoRossiattheasscrackofdawn,somehowIwasrunninglate.
Well,notsomehow.Iknewhow.AfterLuca’ssneakattackofinsanity,I’dgonetomyfavoritenearbycoffeeshop.Overalatteandcroissant,I’dgottenlostinmythoughtsandtimehadslippedawayfromme.
“Hey,”Ichirped.“Goodmorning.”
SinceI’dstartedatRossithreeweeksago,Charliehadbeennothingbutfriendly.Therewasanunderlyinginterestthere,buthehadn’tactedonitormademefeeluncomfortable.Evenattheweeklyofficehappyhours.Hemadeitapointtositbesideme,andmaybeafteradrinkortwo,hegotalittleflirtier,butnotsomuchIhadtoturnhimdown.
ThatwasareliefsinceI’dbeworkinghereforatleastanothermonth.ThelastthingIwantedwasanawkwardworkplacesituation.
“Goodmorning.”Hegrinned,sweepingmewithhisgaze.“Runninglate?”
Ismoothedahandovermyhairandsmiledback.“Wildmorning.Ihopeit’snotasignofwhat’stocomefortherestoftheday.”
Hetuckedhishandsinhistrouserpocketsandrockedbackonhisheels.“Itseemslikemaybeyouhadawilddayyesterdaytoo.”
Ipausedwithmyhandonthebackofmychair.“Really?Whatdoyoumean?”
“You,withLucaRossi.AmeliaandNiddhiweretalkingaboutpicturesofthetwoofyou.Didthepaparazzireallychaseyou?”
Irolledmyeyestodeflecthisinterest.“Thatwasnothing.Wejusthappenedtoarriveatthesametime.Ifeelsorryforactualcelebrities.Thepresswilltwistthesmallestthingtomakeitseemmuchbigger.”
Charlieeyedmewithsomethingalittlelessthanbelief.“Iassumeditwassomethinglikethat.There’snowaysomeonelikeyouwouldactuallybewithsomeonelikehim.”
Myspinestiffened.“Whatdoesthatmean?”Myquestioncameoutslightlysharperthanintended,butIdidn’tliketheundertoneofhisquestion.
“Noshadeonyou,”heamended,“buteveryoneknowswhatLucaRossigetsupto.”
“Howdoyouknow?”
Hejerkedslightlyatmywhiplashquestion.“Well,I’veseenthepictures,readthearticles—”
“Thepictures?Wejustfinishedtalkingabouthowthepressmakesthingsup.Maybejudgehimbythecontentofhischaracter,thetypeofbossheis,howherunsRossi—notfictitiousstoriespublishedforsensationalism.”
Ituggedmychairoutfromundermydesk.“I’msorry,butIhavealottodotoday.Wecanchatlater.”
“Oh.”Charlieranhisfingersthroughhishair.“Allright.I’msorryifIoffendedyou—”
Iheldmyhandup.“No,it’sfine.I’vehadaweirdmorning.SorryIsnapped.”
Heshotmeasmile.“Noworries,Saorise.Haveagoodday.”
Icollapsedatmydeskandgroaned.Ihadafeelingthiswasn’tthelastI’dbehearingaboutthosepictures.
Ididn’thavetowaitlong.Atthestartofmylunchhour,Peter,thedouchelordhimself,textedme.
Peter:Ms.Smythe-KellyhasseenthepicturesofyouwithMr.LucaRossi.Shewouldliketoaddameetingwithyoutohercalendarwithintheweek.We’llneedtoallotanhour.Pleaseletmeknowyourscheduleatyourearliestconvenience.Ms.Smythe-Kellyiswaiting.
Peterwasathirty-five-year-oldmanwhomadealivingkissingmymom’sass.HealsoreferredtomyownmotherasMs.Smythe-Kellywhentextingme,whichwasbeyondstrange.Butthatwashim.
IdidnotwanttotalktomymotherforanhouraboutthepicturesofLucaandme.I’dratherbeshotfromacannonintoamoatfullofhungrysharksduringmyperiodthanhavethatconversation.
IfLucaandIweremarried,Icouldropehimintospeakingtomymother.Thatwouldhavetobeastipulationofourmarriagecontract.TherewasnowayIwouldbespringingthenewsonherbymyself.
Iemailedhimmythoughts.
To:lucarossi@rossimotors.com
From:saoirsekelly@rossimotors.com
Luca,
Ihaveacondition:youwillbetherewhenItellmymomwe’remarried.Actually,nowthatIthinkaboutit,you’llhavetocometoWyomingwithmewhenIdropthenewstomydadandbrother.They’reverybig,andtheywon’tbepleased.
Areyourescindingyourproposal?
Sincerely,
YourInconvenientMaybe-Fiancée,Saoirse
WhenIgotbackfromlunch,therewasanemailfromLucawaitingforme.
To:saoirsekelly@rossimotors.com
From:lucarossi@rossimotors.com
Saoirse,
Firstconditionagreedto.Mothersfindmecharming.
AsforWyoming,Ilookforwardtoit.We’lltakemybike.
AnythingelseIcandotomakeiteasiertosayyes?
Yours,
Luca
IalreadyknewIwasgoingtosayyes.
Itwascrazy,butnowthatI’dhadafewhourstoprocesseverything,Luca’sproposalwasn’tsooutlandish.
Ayearortwowasn’talongtimeinthegrandschemeofthings,andlivinginLuca’spenthousewouldn’texactlybepainful.
Gettingmarriedhadbeenoffmyradarforalongtime,butnowI’dgettohavethatexperienceundermybeltwithoutallthetiesthatcamewithit.
Aboveallthat,whenIsearchedmyheart,IcamebacktoLuca’sfatiguedexpressionandhisrawadmissionatbucklingunderthepressureofhisnewlife.IfIcouldeasesomeofitandsomeofmyownpressure,itwouldbeselfishnotto.
ButIhadonemorecondition.
To:lucarossi@rossimotors.com
From:saoirsekelly@rossimotors.com
Luca,
There’ssomethingelsethat’smoreofarequestthanademand.
Iwantacat.
Areyouopposed?
Sincerely,
YourInconvenientAlmost-Fiancée,Saoirse
Hisresponsecameswiftly.
To:saoirsekelly@rossimotors.com
From:lucarossi@rossimotors.com
Saoirse,
I’mnotopposed.
Youcanhaveacataslongasitdoesn’tshitonanyofmyfurnitureordestroymybelongings.
Yours,
Luca
Myheartlodgedinmythroat.I’dwantedacatsinceIwasachild,butmymotherhadneverwantedone,andwhenI’dlatermovedoutonmyown,I’dtraveledtoooftentoreallyconsideradoptingone.ButI’dbesettledhereinDenverforawhile.
Icouldhaveacat.No,Iwasgettingmycat.
Iwassmiling.
LucaandIweregettingmarried.ChapterTen
Luca
Itwasmyweddingday.
Strangetoeventhinkthosewordsinmyhead.
Inafewhours,Iwouldhaveawife.I’dbeahusband.Fakeornot,thosewouldbeourtitlesfortheforeseeablefuture.
ThoughIdidn’tdreadenteringintothisagreementwithSaoirse,Icouldn’tsayI’dbeenlookingforwardtothisday.Therewassomethingsoinherentlywrongwithhavingtodothis.ButIfeltlikeI’dbeenleftwithnochoice.
ThewomenClarahadsentmehadbeensooutoflinewiththetypeIwouldbeinterestedinithadn’tbeenfunny.Justreadingtheirprofileshadbeenunbearable.Alifetimewithanyofthemwouldhavebeentorture.
AndIdidviewmarriageasalifetimecontract,whichwaswhyI’dneverpursuedit.Ihadneverfeltreadyforthatstep.Theattractionofnocommitmentsandlivingformomentsofpassionandexcitementwasstillfartoostrongtogiveitup.
UntilI’dbeenforcedto.
Saoirsearrivedatmycondoanhourbeforeourprivateceremonywastobegin.Shesteppedoutoftheelevator,herhandoverhereyes.
“Ifyou’rethere,don’tlookatme,Luca.”
Istaredather.“Whatareyoudoing?”
“You’relookingatme,aren’tyou?”
“OfcourseIam.Whywouldn’tIbe?”
Shestompedherfoot,andItooknoteofherflip-flops.“It’sbadluck,obviously.”
“Ifthiswerereal,Iwouldagree,butwebothknowit’snot.”Ieyedherfeetagain.Hertoenailswerepaintedlikeballetslippers.“Areyouwearingflip-flopsfortheceremony?”
Sheheldupherarm,whichwasdrapedwithagarmentbag.“I’mnot.ButifIwere,Iwouldexpectyoutobiteyourtonguelikeagoodhusband.”
Iclosedthedistancebetweenus,slippingthegarmentbagfromherarm.“That’sthelasttimeImentionanythingyou’rewearing.Areyougoingtoopenyoureyes,ordoIhavetoleadyoutoyourbedroom?”
“I’vebeeninyourplaceonce.Evenifmyeyeswereopen,you’dhavetoleadme.”
Istaredatherforamoment,butthehandoverherfacewasn’tbudging.“Areyoualwaysthissuperstitiousandstubborn?”
“Won’titbeexcitingforyoutofindoutwhenI’mMrs.LucaRossi?”
Mybreathcaught.Mystomachclenchedwithdiscomfort.Mrs.LucaRossi.WhatthefuckwasIdoing?
Saoirseclutchedmyarmuntilwereachedtheguestbedroomwhereshe’dbegettingdressed.Tomorrow,allherthingswouldbemovedintothebedroombesidemineupstairsandthisillusionwouldreallybegin.Fortoday,shewasstillaguest.
Ilaidhergarmentbagonthebedbeforefacingherandgraspingbothofherelbows.
“Youcanbackoutofthis.Thisisyouropportunitytotellmetogotohell.”
Insteadofinstantlyagreeing,asmilespreadacrossherdelicate,lovelyface.“WhywouldIdothat?I’vealreadysignedathousandcontracts.Ialsogaveyoumyword,whichmeanssomethingtome.Plus,I’mgettingacatoutofthis.”
“Youcouldgetyourowncat,youknow.”
Herbrowsroseaboveherhand,andIwishedlikehellshe’djustlookatme.“Doyouwanttobackout,Luca?”
“Wehavetodothis.”
“Wereallydon’thaveto.I’mallin,butIcompletelyunderstandifyou’vechangedyourmind.Justsaythewordand—”
“No.We’redoingthis.”Iletgoofherarm,backingtowardthedoor.“I’llleaveyoutogetready.Theofficiantwillbehereinanhour.”
Shechewedonherbottomlip.“Ifyou’resure.”
“I’msure.Seeyousoon.”
Iclosedthedoor,leavingheralone,andwalkedupstairstogetdressedformywedding.ChapterEleven
Saoirse
Lucawaspacingthelivingroom,abeerbottledanglingbetweenhisfingers.Everyonceinawhile,hestoppedtotakeasip,thenstartedpacingagain.
Hehadn’tnoticedmestandingthere,soItookamomenttolookathim.Myalmosthusband.
He’dchangedfromjeansandaT-shirtintoasuit.Notthekindheworetotheofficeeither.Inadeep-burgundythree-piecewithablackshirtandtie,helookedlikehe’dsteppedoffarunway.Thejacketwasfittedtohisbroadshouldersandtaperedwaisttowithinaninchofitslife,andIhadafeelingifIliftedtheback,histrouserswouldmoldlovinglytohisass.
“Whatareyouwearing?”
Luca’sloud,abruptbarkmademejump.Mytonguewasstucktotheroofofmydrymouth.Myheartwasflutteringwildlyinmychest.Ipressedmyhandoveritasifthatwoulddoanythingtocalmit.
Lucadroppedhisbeeronhisglasscoffeetableandstrodetowardme,hisbrowheavyandlow.“Iaskedwhatyou’rewearing,Saoirse.”
IlookeddownatmydresstoensureIhadn’tunknowinglyspilledanythingonit.I’dbeencareful,butthingshappened.Notthistime,though.Thepinkslipdressfell,sleekandsilky,overmybody,nearlyreachingtheground.
“It’sadress,Luca.”
Hestoppedtwofeetfromme,rakinghisgazeoverme.“Ididn’texpectyoutowearagown.”
“Areyoumad?”
Hisjawworkedfromsidetosideforseveralbeatsbeforeheshookhishead.“Youcaughtmeoffguard,that’sall.”
“Well…”Iswiveledfromsidetosidesothefabricswishedaroundmylegs,“Ithought,sincethiswillbemyonlywedding,whynotdoitup?Thereareonlysomanychancesagirlhastowearasilkypinkdress.”
“There’saflowerinyourhair,”heblurted.
Itouchedthesilkorchidtuckedoveroneearwithmyfingertips.“Iknow.Isn’titpretty?”
Hiseyesnarrowedintoslits.“You’retakingthisalotmoreseriouslythanIassumedyouwould.”
“Iknow.YouthoughtI’dwearflip-flops.But,likeIsaid,thisismyoneandonlywedding,soIwentalittleoverthetop.Besides,lookatyouinyoursuit.Ibetyourtailorworkedovertimetomakeyoulooklikethat.”
“Likewhat?”Hetuggedontheknotofhistie,stilleyeingmelikeIwastheenemy.
“Handsome,Luca.Youlookincredible,andyoumakethatsuitlookgood.”
Heturnedhishead,staringoutthewallofwindows.“Thankyou.”
“And?”
Hisattentionslowlyreturnedtome.“And…what?”
Ididasmoothpirouette,allowinghimtoseethedrapingthatexposedmybacktothebaseofmyspine.
Iblinkedathimovermyshoulder,pleasedtofindhewasraptbythesightofme.“DoIlooknice,Luca?”
Therewasalongpause,followedbyachuff.“Isuspectyouknowexactlyhowyoulook.”
BeforeIcouldaskhimtoexpandonthat—andpossiblyfishforacomplimentI’dbeenhopinghewouldhavegivenfreely—therewasaknockonthefrontdoor.Lucatoreoutofthelivingroomwithoutanotherword,leavingmedisappointedandconfused.
ButIsupposedhe’dsettheprecedentforwhatourmarriagewouldbelike.Iwouldn’tgotohimforassuranceorevenasimplecompliment.Wewerebusinesspartnerswhomightfuckifthemoodstruck,butthatwasit.
Itwouldservemewelltorememberthat.
Lucaescortedamaninasuit,whointroducedhimselftomeasJudgeHernandez.HetoldmeIlookednice.WhenIglancedatLuca,heavertedhisgazebacktothewindows.
“Ithoughtwe’ddothisonthebalcony,”Lucasaid.
“Yes,”Iagreed.“Iloveitoutthere.”
I’dneverbeen,ofcourse,butJudgeHernandezdidn’tneedtoknowthat.
Lucastraightenedhistieagain.“I’llmeetyououtthere.”Thenheswiveledaroundanddisappearedintothekitchen.
Ismiledatthejudge.Hiskind,almostsympatheticsmileinreturnstruckmeinthegut.Onelookatus,andheobviouslysuspectedthiswasn’talovematch.
OrmaybeIwasreadingtoomuchintohisexpression.
Wewenttothebalconydoor,butsinceIhadneveractuallyunlockedit,Ididn’tknowhow.
“I’msorry.Lucaalwaysopensthedoorforme,”Iexplainedlikeabrainless,keptwoman.
“It’sallright,Ms.Kelly.Wouldyouallowme?”MoresympathyfromJudgeHernandez.Hegotthedooropeninonemoveandallowedmetogooutsidefirst.
Lucaappearedsecondslater,carryingacompactbouquetofredrosesheshovedtowardme.
“Yourflowers,bella.”
“Oh.Howsillyofmetoforgetwhenthey’resobeautiful.”Itookthemfromhim,bringingthemtomynosetosmellthem.“Iloveroses.”
Thecornersofhismouthtwitched.“Iknow.”
“Doyou?”
HisheadcockedslightlywhileIsmelledtheflowersagain.Imouthed,“Thankyou,”andhenodded,facingthejudge.
“We’rereadytobegin.”
Theceremonywasshortandtothepoint.Webothsaid,“Ido,”andwhenitcametimetoexchangerings,Lucaproducedasimpleplatinumbandthatfitmyfingerperfectly.Thenitwasmyturn.IslippedofftheloosesilverringI’dkeptonmythumb,andhisbrowsshotup.
Ismiledathim.“DidyoureallythinkI’dforgettogetyouaring?”
“Youdidn’thaveto,”heuttered.
“Well,Iwantedto.”Itookhislefthandinmineandslidthehammeredwhitegoldsnuglyontohisfinger.Itwasruggedyetunderstated.Notplain.Aplainbandwouldn’tdoforLuca.Ithadtakenmeawhiletochooseit,andIwaspleasedwithwhatI’dfound.
Hisfingerscurledintohispalm.Hedidn’tevenlookathisring.Mystomachplummetedwithdisappointment.I’dreallywantedhimtolikeit.
“Youarenowmanandwife.”JudgeHernandezprobablyhadagreatsmile.Icouldpicturehimhangingoutwithhisfamily,hiseyescrinklingwhenhiskidsdidsomethingfunny,lookingathiswifedancinginthekitchenasshecooked.ButIcouldonlyimagineitbecauseitwasn’tondisplayforLucaandme.
“Youcankiss,”headdedquickly.
IsteppedclosertoLuca,andinmyheels,Ididn’tevenhavetoraisemychintobringustothesamelevel.Hisgazewaslockedonmyface,sweepingfrommyeyestomymouth.Itookanotherstep,flatteningmypalmtohischest.Hisfingercameuptomychin,drawingmeinwithbarelyatouch.
Hiswarmbreathbrushedmylipsonlyamomentbeforehismouthdid.Forafewthunderousbeatsofmyheart,weweresealedtogether,thenhislipsparted,takingourunionslightlydeeper.
Myfingerscurledaroundhislapel,andLucadraggedhislipsfrommine,straighteningtohisfullheight.Ittookmelongertosnapoutoftheheatofhiskiss.WhenIdid,IsmiledatLuca.
“We’remarried.”
Henoddedonce.“Wehavetosignthepapers.”
“Oh,right.Ofcourse.”
Thejudgeclearedhisthroat.“Wouldyoulikemetotakepicturesofyoutwo?”
LucasaidnoatthesametimeIsaidyes.
Ipressedagainsthischest.“Weshould.Ourparentswillprobablywanttoseeusalldressedupwhenwetellthemwegotmarried,don’tyouthink?”
Hisnostrilsflaredasheinhaleddeeply.“You’reprobablyright.”Heturnedtothejudge.“Thankyou.We’dlikeafewpictures.”
Withthesunsetofftothesideandviewsofmountainsinthedistance,thebackdropcouldn’thavebeenmorebeautiful.Lucapulledmeintohisside,cuppingmyhipinhispalm.ThejudgeusedLuca’sphonetosnapusinseveralposes,andIcouldtellthiswasn’thisfirsttimetakingpicturesofnewlyweds.ItwouldhavebeencuteandfunifLucahadn’tbeensofrickingstiffthewholetime.
Ipattedhismiddleandtippedmylipstohisear.“Relax,Luca.I’mnotgoingtobiteyou,andthesearemyoneandonlyweddingpictures.Trytolooklikeyou’rehappytobehere.”
Heturned,bringinghisfaceawhisperfrommine.“Thankyouforbeinghere,Saoirse.”
“Ofcourse.You’remyhusband.”
Hisnextbreathwasharsh,andhisholdonmewenttight.“You’ddoanythingforyourhusband?”
“Iwon’thidethebody,buttryme,Luca.Isaidyestothis.I’llprobablysayyestomostthings.”
Hismouthcurvedintoanearsmile.
“Okay,Itookaboutahundredpictures.Weshouldbegoodtogo,”JudgeHernandezannounced.Lucadroppedhishold,steppingapartfromme.“Let’smakeitofficial.”
Wewentinsidetosignthelicense,whichtookbarelyaminute,thenthejudgedepartedwithoutanyfanfare.Heprobablycouldn’twaittogetoutofthislovelessaffair.
Ormaybehewasjusthungry.JudgeHernandezwouldforeverremainamysterytome.
Lucaswiveledaroundwhenthedoorclosed,rubbingaspotnearhisbrowwithhisrighthand,hisleftstillcurlingintoafist.Iwasprettysurehehadn’tlookedathisringevenonce.
“I’mgoingtogetchanged,”heannounced,barelylookingatme.“Youshouldtoo.”
Hesweptupstairswithoutanotherword.
We’dbeenmarriedfifteenminutesandIwasalreadywonderingifI’dmadeahugemistake.ChapterTwelve
Luca
IfoundSaoirseinthedenanhourlater.Curleduponthecouch,herlegstuckedunderher,sheseemedvulnerable.Smaller.Outofplace.Asmallwaveofguilthitmeatleavinghertofendforherself,butI’dneededthattimetogetmyheadonstraightagain.Otherwise,ImighthavebeenabiggerassholethanIalreadyhadbeen.
“We’reheadingoutatseven.”
SheturnedawayfromtheTVtoraisehereyebrowsatme.“Seven?”
“We’remeetingeveryonefordrinkstonight.EliseandWesthadsomethingcomeupandcan’tdobrunchtomorrow.”Isatdownnearher,rakingmyfingersthroughthesideofmyhair.“It’sbetterthisway.We’llgetitoverwithsooner.”
Tonightwouldbeginourannouncementtour.We’dplannedtodropthenewstoourfriendsoverbrunchtomorrow,givingustimeforrealitytosettlein,butplanshadchanged.
Saoirseswallowed,herhandflyingtoherhairthenherT-shirt.“Idon’tthinkI’mready.”
“Youare.It’llbefine.”
“They’regoingtohavequestions,Luca.Wehaven’teventalkedaboutwhatwe’regoingtosay.”
“Let’stalkaboutitnow.Wehavetime.”
Shesqueezedhereyesclosed.“Idon’tthinkyouunderstandjusthowbadIamatlying.It’sgoingtobeashitshow.”
Seeingherfreakoutsoothedme.AtleastIwasn’ttheonlyoneunsettledbywhatwe’ddonetoday,althoughSaoirsedidn’tseemtomindbeingmarried.Herstickingpointwashavingtotellotherpeopleaboutit.
Thenagain,marriagemeantnothingtoher.
“Didyouopentheottoman?”Iasked
Hereyesflewopen.“What—?Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
Inoddedtowardtheottomaninfrontofthecouch.“OpenitandI’llexplain.”
Sheunfoldedherlonglegsandstretchedoutherarm,openingthehingedtop.Hermouthpoppedopenwhenshepeekedinside.
“Blankets!”Shepulledoneoutandclutchedittoherchest.“WerethesealwayshereandImissedthem?”
Ishookmyhead.“Nope.SomeonetoldmeIneededtobuysome,soIdid.”
Herbrowdropped.“Butwhatdoesthishavetodowithourstory?”
“Everything.We’regoingtotellthetruth.”
Ourfriendsbeatustotherestaurant,whichwasmyfault.SaoirsehadbeenwaitingformebythedoorbythetimeIfinallygotmyshittogether.IncuffedshortsandalooseT-shirt,shelookeddrasticallydifferentthanshehadafewhoursbefore,butshe’dkepttheorchidtuckedbehindherear.
Itwasaconstantfuckingreminderofwhatwe’ddone.NotthatIneededit.Themetalbandaroundmyringfingerandtheinvisibleonearoundmychestwereenoughformetoneverforget.
Therooftopcasualloungewasbuzzingbutnottoocrowded.WeeasilyfoundElise,Elliot,Weston,andhisyoungerbrother,Miles.They’dclaimedacornerwithpaddedwickerseatsandvintage-stylelawnchairsatopAstroturf.Theplacewasdesignedtolooklikesomeone’sbackyard.Notmystyle,butIhadn’tpickedit,andSaoirseseemedperfectlypleasedwiththechoice.
NoneofourfriendsblinkedatSaoirseandmearrivingtogether.Infact,EliseandMileswereinthemiddleofagameofcornhole,sowebarelygotmorethanawavefromthem.
Elliotstoodwithhisbeerinonehandandshookminewiththeother.“You’realmostnotlate,”hegreeted.
“I’mturningoveranewleaf.Itoldyouthat.”
WestonchuckledasheleanedintobrushSaoirse’scheekwithakiss.“Didyoutwofindeachotheronthewayup?”
HereyesslidtominethenbacktoWeston.“No,actually.Wecametogether.”
Hisbrowwinged.“Didyou?”
“Sothat’swhyyou’reontime.”Elliotbroughthisbeertohislips.“Goodjob,Kelly.”
Shehuffed.“Thankssomuch,Levy.YouknowIliveanddieforyourapproval.”
Westonwasstilleyeingher.“Whydidyoucometogether?”
“Whynot?”Saoirseshruggedandwalkedovertoanemptychair,swipingthemenuleftthere.“Oh,yum.Areweorderingfood?Imisseddinner,andI’mstarving.There’snowayIcandrinkunlessIeatsomething.Where’sthewaitress?”
HermanicdisplaycaughtbothWeston’sandElliot’sattention.Westonstaredatherwithacrinkledforehead.Elliot’sexpressionwaslessdiscernible,buthewasstudyingherjustasintently.Maybebecauseherhandswereflutteringandshewasrecitingherfavoritethingsfromthemenu—whichseemedtobeallofit.
Shehadn’texaggerated.SubterfugeandSaoirsedidn’tgel.
Elisethrewherarmsup.“Yes!ItoldyouIwasgoodatthis.”
Mileskickedabeanbag.“Whydoyouhavetobegoodateverything,Lisie?”
“I’mterribleatconvincingyoutostopcallingmeLisie.”
Theyjoinedourgroup,ElisetuckingintoWeston’sside,MilesshakingmyhandthenpeckingSaoirse’scheek.
“What’shappeningoverhere?”Milesasked,peeringatthemenuinSaorise’shands.
“I’mtryingtodecidewhattoorder.”Shestudiedthemenulikeithelddeep,meaningfulsecrets.
“SaoirseandLucacametogether,”Westoninformedhisgirlandbrother.
“Youdid?”Elisestolethemenufromherfriend.“YouandLucadrovetogether?”
Saoirsenodded.“Wedid.”
Elliottippedhisbeerather.“Caretoelaborate?”
I’dnoticedatbrunchthetwoofthemhadthisthing,whichwascontinuingtonight.Heactedlikehedidn’tlikeher,andshebaitedhimtodrivehimnuts,thentheycalledeachotherbytheirlastnames.Cutetosome,butIwasn’tmuchofafan
IcurledmyarmaroundSaoirse’sshoulders.“It’sRossi,actually.”
Elliot’sbrowfurrowed.“Whatdoesthatmean?”
“ExactlywhatIsaid.She’snotaKellyanymore.She’saRossi.”
Saoirsecrossedonelegovertheotherandwiggledherfingersinfrontofher.“Surprise.”
Ourfriendsglancedateachother,thenalleyeswereonus.Milestookcharge.
“EitheryouadoptedSersh,oryougotmarried.Sincemarriagewouldbecrazy,I’llbethefirsttosaycongratsonyournewhotblondedaughter.”Mileswinkedatmeandpattedhispockets.“Sorry,I’mfreshoutofcigars,otherwiseI’dofferyouone.”
Saoirseletoutawobblylaugh.“Canwesitdown?Iwouldlovetositdown.”
“Sure.Inaminute.”ElisetuggedawayfromWestontoroundonSaoirse.“What’sgoingonwithyouandLuca?Andwhyareyoubeingsomanic?”
“Well…”shecurledherarmaroundmyback,grippingmyshirt,“it’sbeenkindofacrazyday.Thepastfewweekshavebeen,really.”
Ihadtoputallofusoutofourmisery,especiallySaoirse.Hernailsweresecondsawayfromshreddingmyshirtfromhowhardshewasdiggingintome.
“We’remarried.”
Elise’shandflewtohermouth.Mileschuckled.WestonandElliotstaredatthetwoofus.Liketheywerewaitingformetodropthepunchline.
Elisewasthefirsttoact,pickingupSaoirse’slefthandandrubbingherthumboverherring.“Youdon’tbelieveinmarriage.”
“Ididn’t.UntilLuca,”Saoirsewhispered.
“But—youdidn’teventellmeyouweretogether.”Eliserolledherlipsinward.“Whydidn’tyoutellme?”
“I’msorry.Ididn’tmeantohideitfromyou.LikeIsaid,it’sbeenawhirlwind.Butyouguysarethefirsttoknow.Wehaven’teventoldourparentsyet.”
“Butmarried?”Elisewasstuckonthat.IguessedSaorisehadbeentruthfulwhenshe’dtoldmeshedidn’tbelieveinmarriage.
“Married,”Iconfirmed.“Wekeptthingsquietincaseitdidn’tworkoutbetweenus.”
Saoirsenodded.“Wedidn’twantanyawkwardnessinthegroup.”
JustasEliseseemedtoacceptthatanswer,Elliotinterjected.“Isthisbecauseoftheconsultants?”
“Whatconsultants?Whatareyoutalkingabout?”Elisedemandedofherbrother.
Heraisedhischintowardme.“Rossi’sboardhiredconsultantstogooverLuca’simage.Theywantedhimtogetmarried.Andloandbehold,he’ssuddenlymarriedtoKelly,who’sadamantlyagainsttheinstitutionbutalsohasadirehabitofsayingyestoshitsheshouldn’t.”
Everyonewentquiet,eventhebackgroundnoise.IglaredatElliot,annoyedathimforchallengingme.IfI’dexpectedhimtoflinch,Iwouldhavebeendisappointed.Luckily,IknewbetterthantoexpectElliotLevytobackdown.
FuckingElliotandhislogical,suspiciousmind.Ishouldhaveknownhe’dquestionusdowntothebone.Thatwashim.He’dhadtogrowupfastwithonlyhimselftorelyon.Henevertooksituationsatfacevalue.
Still,itpissedmeoffhewasquestioningmeafteralltheyearshe’dknownme.
Buthell,maybethatwasexactlywhyhewasquestioningme.Heknewmetoowell.
Saoirselaughedthemotherfuckerrightoffwithoutabeatofhesitation.“DidyoureallythinkIwouldbuyastrangeracheeseboard?That’ssucha‘couple’gift.I’msurprisedyoudidn’tguessrightthenandthere.LucaandIwerealreadytogetherthelasttimewesawyou.”Shesnuggledintomeandlaidherhandonmychest.“Wemetatapartyandhaven’tspentanytimeapartsince.Iapologizeagainforkeepingitasecret,butwearemarried,andwehopeyou’llsupportus.Itwouldmeanalotifyoudid.”
Sheslidherhandupmynecktomyjaw,turningmetofaceher,andpressedherlipstomine.Theconnectionwassoftandalmostchaste,butshelingeredsolongIpulledheragainstmeandwrappedherinmyarms.
Hereyesflutteredopen,lockingonmine.Weweretoocloseformetoseeherlipscurveintoasmile,buttheglintinhereyesgaveheraway.
Aloudclapinterruptedthemoment.“I’mconvinced.”Milesrushedoverandhuggedusbothatthesametime.“Congrats.Iwishyounothingbutthebest.”
SaoirsebrokeawayfrommetohugMilesfully,andIhadtostopmyselffromyankingherback.Elisedidthejobforme,stealingherfriendfromMilestoembraceher.Theywhisperedtoeachother,rockingbackandforth.Ileftthemtoit,movingclosertoWestandElliot.
“Prickmove,”Igrittedout.
Elliotblinked.“Youhavetoagreethetimingissuspect.”
WestonpattedElliot’sarmwiththebackofhishand.“Couldn’titbethetimingisahappycoincidence?”Thenhenarrowedhiseyesonme.“SoSaoirseistheblondeyoutoldusaboutweeksago?Thelasthurrah?”
Iloweredmychin.“IsaidthosethingsbeforeIknewshe’dbemywife,butyes.Thatwasher.We’veprettymuchbeentogethersincethen.”
“Theconsultantswillbethrilled,”Elliotintoned.
Ifoldedmyarmsovermychest.“Iwon’taskyoutobethrilled.Iknowthat’soutsideyourwheelhouse.Buthowaboutkeepingthesmart-assquipstoyourselflikearealfriend?Canyoudomethatfavor?”
Hesighedandshovedhisfreehandintohispocket.“Idon’tlikebeingtakenforaride,Luca.Ifyou’reonthelevel,Iwillwishyouthebest.Butifthisisallsomeelaboratecoverandyou’restandingtherelyingtomyface,Iwon’treactwell.”
Twoyears.I’dhavetolookmybestfriendinthefaceandlietohimfortwoyearswhilehopinglikehellheneverfoundoutthetruth.
“I’llacceptyourapologywhenyou’reprovenwrong.”
God,Iamsuchanasshole.Sofar,nothingaboutbeingmarriedhadprovidedanyrelief.Ifanything,ithadaddedanotherlayerofproblemstomyalreadyladenshoulders.
“Itlookswaytooseriousoverhere.”Saoirsecameupbesideme,circlingherarmsaroundmymiddle.“AreyougoingtofeedmebeforeIwitheraway,husband?”
GivingElliotonefinalglare,IlookedatSaoirse,whowascurrentlytheonlyreasonanyonemightbelieveourstory.Fortheterribleliarshewas,shewasplayingtherolewell.
“OfcourseI’mgoingto.Ijustfoundyou.Ican’tloseyounow.”
Grinning,shepeckedthehingeofmyjaw.“Sweethusband.”
“Hearingyousaythatisgoingtotakesomegettingusedto,”Westonsaid.
“I’mpracticingsayingitmyself,”Saoirseadmitted.
Elliotcontinuedbeingasuspiciousasshole.“That’swhathappenswhenyoumarryastranger.”
Saoirse’shappybouncedeflated.“Youknowwhatmightbenice?Somesupport.LucaandIdidn’tcomeheretodaytoaskyouwhatyouthinkofustogether.We’retellingyouit’sadonedeal.Youdon’tunderstandit,andthat’sfine.Iguess,asafriend,itwouldbeniceifyou’dreserveyourjudgment.”
Elliotcantedhishead.“That’sfair.”
Hereyesrolled.“Gladyouthinkso.”ShekissedmycheekbeforebreakingawayfrommeagaintojoinEliseandMiles,whowereinthemidstofgivingtheirordertoawaitress.
Westonofferedmeameasuredgrin.“I’mbeginningtoseeit.I’llechoMilesandwishyouthebest.”
Elliotbroughthisbeertohismouth.“Goodluck.”
IpointedatWeston.“Thankyouforbeingagoodfriend.”ThenIjabbedmyfingeratElliot.“Thanksforconsistentlybeingadick.”
“Idomybest,”Elliotanswered.
Westonreachedouttosqueezemyshoulder.“It’sashockforallofus.Guaranteehe’llbelessofanassholenexttime.”
IeyedElliot,whowassmirkingandtelegraphinghisthoughtsloudandclear.Hewassaying,“Iwouldn’tbetonit.”
Thedrivebacktomyplacewassubdued.Thenighthadtakenasmootherturnoncetheshockofourannouncementhadsomewhatwornoff,buttheunderlyingtensionhadneverreallyleft.
“Thatdidn’tfeelgood,didit?”Saoirseasked.
“No.Notsomuch.Yousolditwell,though.”
“Yeah,”shesighed.“Ihardlywantedthemtofindoutweweredeceivingthem.”
“Graceunderpressure,”Imurmured.
“Thatfeelslikeacompliment.”
“Itwas.Ifnotforyou,noonewouldhavebelievedweweremarriedforrealreasons.”
“Theywererealreasons,Luca.Justnotthereasonsotherpeoplegetmarried.”
Inmyperipheral,Isawherspinningherringaroundherfinger.“We’llgetyouanengagementringtomorrow.”
“Oh.No,that’snotnecessary.”
“Itreallyis.Mywifewouldn’tbewalkingaroundwithoutadiamondonherfinger.”
“Idon’tlikediamonds.”
Myhandstightenedonthesteeringwheel.“Fine.You’llchoosearingyoulike.”
“Doyoulikeyours?”
“Myring?”
“Yes.Doyoulikeyourring?”
Myeyesflickedfromtheroadtothemetalwrappingaroundmyfourthfinger.“Itfitswell,butit’lltakesomegettingusedto.”
“I—”Sheshookherhead,whatevershe’dbeenabouttosaylost.“Okay.”
SaoirsespenttherestoftheridelookingoutherwindowwhileItriedtofigureoutwhyIcouldn’tletmyselftellherI’dbeensurprisedshe’dgoneoutofherwaytobuymearingandifI’dhadtopickoneformyself,itwouldhaveprobablylookedalotlikethisChapterThirteen
Saoirse
Ihadn’tgrownuppoorbyanymeans.We’dbeenmorethancomfortable,andI’dneverwantedforanythingtangible.ButLuca’swealthwasinanotherstratosphere.Iwasn’tsureIevenunderstoodhowdeeptheRossifamilycofferswere.
Today,Ilearnedtheywereshut-down-an-entire-jewelry-storerich.
Assoonaswesteppedintothestore,glassesofchampagneenteredourhands,andwewerewaitedonbysoft-spoken,unobtrusivestaff.Theyhadtohavebeenbriefedbecausenoneoftheringstheyshowedmehadadiamondcenterstone
Andeachonewaslargerthanthenext
Lucasatbesidemeonasleeklittlepaddedbench,usinghisphonewhileItriedonringafterring.Istoppedshowingthemtohimafterthefourthorfifthonehe’dbarelylookedat.
Isupposedhewasn’tplayingtheroleofdotinghusbandtoday.Itwasstrange,butassoonasweenteredintothisarrangement,he’dbecomeentirelydifferentthanwhoI’dfirstthoughthimtobe.Thecharm,flirtation,andeasehaddisappeared.Hewasstiffanddistant,reallyonlyinteractingwithmewhenhehadto.
Ithadonlybeenaday,though.Imighthavebeenoveranalyzinghim.
Afterthefiftiethring,Isighed,andLucalookedup.“Didyouchooseone?”
“No,Ihaven’t.”Thesaleswoman’sflattenedmouthwassubtle,butasuretellshewasgettingjustastiredofthisprocessasIwas.
Hescannedtheringsdisplayedonblackvelvet.“Thereisn’tanythingyoulike?”
“They’reallbeautifulbut—”Iwasbeingsilly.Lucadidn’tneedtobeinvolvedwithchoosingmyringsincenoneofthiswasreal.Theringwasnothingbutapieceofjewelry.
Hesethisphonefacedownontheglasscounterandturnedtome.“Whatareyourfavoritepiecesyouownnow?Wecanhavesomethingcustom-madeinthatstyle.”
“Ithinkyou’regoingtobeverydisappointedtohearIdon’townanyfinejewelry.MymostpreciouspiecesarethingsI’veboughtduringmytravels.”Iheldupafinger.“BeforeyoustartthinkingI’msomeMarySuewhothinksshecouldn’tpossiblydeserveanythingfancy,that’snotwhatI’msaying.It’sjust…I’veneverwantedtoinvestinthatkindofthing.”
ThesaleswomancoveredhermouthasifshewasaghasttofindIwasn’tswimminginjewels.Lucadidn’tseemanylessdisapproving.
“We’llhavetoremedythat,Saoirse.You’reaRossinow.”Hepickeduparingwithalarge,emerald-cutaquamarineonaplatinumband.“Thisone.Givemeyourhand.”
Hetookmyhandwithoutwaitingandslippedtheringovermyweddingband.Itwasthesimplestofthebunch,eventhoughthestonewasenormous.SinceI’drefuseddiamonds,IhadafeelingLucawasn’tgoingtoletmegetanythingsmaller.
Heranhisthumbfromtheringtothetipofmyfingerandbackdownagain.“Looksgoodonyou,”hegruffed.“Whatdoyouthink?”
Istaredatmyhandinhis.Beingtall,Ihadlongfingers,andittookalotformyhandstofeeldainty,buttheydidincomparisontoLuca’sbroadpalmandthick,blunt-tippedfingers.
“It’spretty.”
Thesaleswomanclearedherthroat.“Thatisfive-caratsandnaturalAAAAquality.Youcouldn’thavechosenbetter.”
Lucanoddeddecisively.“We’lltakeit.Nowwewanttoseenecklacesandearrings.Nodiamonds.”
“Luca—”
Hesqueezedmyknee.“Humorme.Letmebuyyouafewpieces,soIknowyou’llhavesomethingtowearwhenIneedyoutocomeplaceswithme.”
“IhavetolooklikeaRossi.”
Hechuckled.“Youshouldseemymother’sjewelrycollection.Shecouldfillthisstoreandstillhavesomeleft.”
“Allgiftsfromyourfather?”
“Mmhmm.Hecelebrateseveryholidaybybuyingherjewels.He’llmakesomethingupifhefindsapiecehethinkssheneeds.OneFlagDay,hegiftedherarubycocktailring.”
Thatmademelaughforthefirsttimetoday.“FlagDay?”
“Gottacelebratetheflags,Saoirse.”
“I’vebeenremissbynotcelebratingthemallthistime.Thisyearwillbedifferent.”
Heleanedincloser,speakingconspiratorially.Withhishandstillonmythigh,hehadmyfullattention,evenasthesalespeoplebuzzedaround,selectingmorejewelsformetolookat.
“Ifyou’regood,youmightendupwithyourownrubycocktailring.”
Igavemyheadalittleshake.“Idon’tevenknowwhatthatis.”
Hisbrowarched.“Beinggood?”
Mylaughwashuffy.“Yes.That’sexactlywhatImeant.”
Momentslater,anarmyofsalespeoplepresenteduswithmillionsofdollars’worthofjewels.IallowedLucatotaketheleadsincethiswasalotmorehisthingthanmine.NotthatIdidn’tappreciateit.Myheartwasbeatingamileaminutejustlookingatallthebeauty.Mymindjusthadn’tconnectedtheshinyjewelrytomeyet.
Lucahadnosuchqualms.Hepluckedupaplatinumlariatwitharoundrubydanglingfromtheendanddrapeditaroundmyneck.Therubydippedbetweenmybreasts.Lucafixedthatbyslidinghisfingerfrommythroatdownmychest,venturingpasttheV-neckofmyshirt.Hehookedhisfingeraroundthegem,pullingitouttolayovertopofmyshirt
“You’regettingthisone.”Swivelingawayfromme,hepointedtoseveralmorepieces.Somanymythroatwentdry.Thelariatwastheonlythinghehadmetryon.Therest,hechosequicklyandwithconfidence.
Hetiltedhisfacetowardmeagain.“Doyouseeanythingelseyouwouldlike?”
Inadaze,Ishookmyhead.HowhadIgonefromasimple,singlelifetomarriedtoabillionairewhoseemedtohaveeveryintentionofshoweringmewithjewels?
Itseemedlikeaverystrange,unbelievabledream.
Lucatookcharge,pickingoutseveralnecklaces,bracelets,andearrings.Hedrapedeachofthemonme,studyingthewaytheylookedonmychestoraroundmywrist.
“Bluesuitsyou.”Hegrazedmylobewithhisfingertip.“Doyoulikeearringsthatdangle?”
“Sometimes,butIthinkyou’vepickedoutenough.I’mcoveredforatleastseveraloccasions.”
Hedroppedhishandtohislap.“Mostwomenwouldkilltohaveashoppingspreehere.”
“Don’tmakemesayI’mnotlikeothergirls,orI’llneverforgiveyou.”
Thatearnedmeasoftchuckle.“Allright.Idon’twantthat.Weshouldprobablyleavewhileyou’restillspeakingtome.”
“Ithinkyou’reright.It’sarazor’sedgerightnow.”
Likeaperfectgentleman,Lucastoodandhelpedmeup,rubbinghisthumbovermyknuckles.
“It’stimetogoanyway.”Lucacheckedthetimeonhisphone.“Themoverswillbeatyourplaceinanhour.”
“Oh,right.That’shappening.”
Thecornerofhismouthhitched.“Can’tsellamarriageifwe’relivingapart.”
“Letmebebummed,Luca.It’sabigchange.I’mgoingfromlivingwithmybestfriendtolivingwithaboy.”
Thatearnedmealegitimatelaugh.“I’mhardlyaboy,Saoirse.”Hepressedahandtothesmallofmyback.“Oncewegetallthehardpartsoverwith,wecangetbacktosomesemblanceofnormalcy.”
“Normalcydrippinginjewels.”
Heleanedin,hismouthbrushingmyhair.“Yousaythatlikeit’sabadthing.”
“It’sathing.”
Hechuckledagain.“Let’sgo,wife.”
Whenitwasallsaidanddone,Icouldn’tbringmyselftocompletelymoveoutofmyapartment.Ileftsomeclothes,bedding,andtoiletriessoI’dhaveaplacetoretreattoifIneededtobealoneoracrashpadincasethisallblewupinmyface.
Besides,wehadanothersixmonthsonourlease.Therewasnorushtoremoveeverytraceofmyselffrommyoldlife
Lucawanderedintomynewbedroom,whichwasbesidehis.MythingswerescatteredeverywhereasIattemptedtoreorganizemynewlife.
“Doyouneedanyhelp?”
Iblewhairoutofmyfaceandglancedaround.I’dtakenthingsoutofboxes,andnowitwasjustamatteroffindingwheretoputthem.
“IthinkIhavetodoitmyself,orIwon’tknowwhereanythingis.Youcouldrecycletheboxesformeifyou’reinthemoodtobehelpful.”
“Sure.I’mgoingoutforawhile.I’lltakethemonmyway.”Hemoveddeeperintomyroom,whereI’dpiledthebroken-downboxesbesidemybed.Withhishandsonhiships,hestudiedmypossessionsspreadacrosstheking-sizemattress.
Iturnedtohangdressesinmywalk-incloset.“I’llneverbeabletofillthiscloset.Whoneedsaclosetthissize?”
“Ido.Mineisthesamesizeandit’sfull.”
Icameoutandflickedmyeyesoverhim.Evencasuallydressed,hewasstylish.“You’remuchmorefashionablethanIam.”
“We’llhavetoremedythat.I’lltakeyoushopping.”
“Youtookmeshoppingthismorning.”
“Forclothes.Youhavetohaveclothingthatmatchesyourjewelry.”
Iscoopedupanotherstackofmysubparclothingtohangup.“Fine.Iwouldn’twanttomakeyoulookbadwhenI’mbyyourside.”
ThistimewhenIcamebackoutofthecloset,Lucawasholdingmyvibrator.“Youhavequiteacollection.”Henoddedtowardmypileoftoys.
Ishrugged,refusingtobeembarrassed.“Iliketocome.”
Hisnostrilsflared,andhemadealow,gutturalgrunt.Someofhisstiffnessfromthismorningreturned.NotthereactionIwouldhaveexpectedfromamanholdingmyvibrator.
“Nothingbeatstherealthing,”hereplied.
“Oh,Idon’tknow.There’ssomethingtobesaidforgettingoffthenrollingoverandgoingrighttosleep.”
Hedroppedthetoyonmybedandbenttopickupthestackofboxes.“I’llleaveyoutoyoursolofun.Imightbeoutlate,buttextmeifyouneedanything.”
Heleftwithoutanexplanation.Nowordonwherehewasgoingorwhathe’dbedoing.Itleftmewithasourtasteinmymouth.Itwasmyfirstnightofficiallylivinghere,andIwasalreadyonmyown.IfthiswaswhatitwasgoingtobelikebeingmarriedtoLuca,Isupposeditwasagoodideatoknowearlyon.
OnceIwasunpacked,Iwandereddownstairsintothekitchen.Ihadn’texploredherelastnightorthismorning,soIplannedonpokingaroundthesleek,whitespacebeforeIfoundsomethingtoeat.Therewasn’tmuchtosee,though.
Thecounterswerebareexceptforonelonepieceofwood.MyheartstoppedwhenIrealizedwhatitwas.
ThecuttingboardLucahadbarelyacknowledged.
Itwassittingonthecounternexttothesink,aplacehewouldseewheneverheusedthekitchen.IwonderedifithadbeenheresinceIgaveittohimorifhe’djustputitondisplayformysake.
Probablythelatter,butmyheartflutteredwhenIfurtherinvestigatedbypeekingintherefrigerator.Itwaswellstockedwithfruits,veggies,yogurts,andothersundries,whichsurprisedme.IheldmybreathasIpulledopenthecheesedrawer.
ThecheesesI’dgivenhimhadbeensampled,onemuchmorethantheothertwo.Iwasagiftgivertomybones,andmytoescurledwithpleasure,knowinghe’denjoyedwhatI’dgivenhim,evenifhehadn’texpressedit.
Itmadethestingofbeingaloneinthishuge,emptypenthouseslightlylesssharp.
Igatheredsomesnacksandadrinkthenheadedintotheden,theoneroomItrulyfeltcomfortableinheresofar.WithoneofthethrowsLucahadboughtspreadacrossmylap,Isettledmyselfonhissoftcouch.Theglintofmyoversizeengagementringcaughtmyeye.Noonecouldrelaxwithtenpoundsofaquamarineontheirfinger.
Slippingitoff,myweddingbandtoo,Iplacedthemontheottoman.I’dputthembackonlater,butfornow,Isighedwithrelief.ChapterFourteen
Luca
IhadnothingleftinmewhenIarrivedhome.
Usually,Iwelcomedthequiet,butIwastakenabacktohearnothingwhenIwalkedin.Itwasonlyeleven,stillearlyforme.Thenagain,Saoirse’sdefinitionofbeinganightowlmighthavebeendifferentfrommine.
Iknewalmostnothingaboutmywife.
HerroomwasstillasIstoodinthedoorway.Noteventheslightsoundofbreathing.Iturnedonthelight,findinganemptybed.Thechaosfromthisafternoonhadbeentamed,herbelongingsputaway.Itwasalmostlikeshe’dalwaysbeenhere.
Iwalkedintotheroomandcrackedopenthedrawerofherbedsidetable,smirkingatthecontents.Saoirsewasanundercoverdirtygirl.Shedidn’townjustonevibrator.Shehadavariety.
Pullingthedraweropenfully,Ipausedonthecontentsneartheback.Twobottlesoflubeandanopenedboxofcondoms.
Anopenfuckingbox.
Withoutgivingmycompulsiontoactasecondthought,Ipickeduptheboxandcrumbleditinmyfist.Shecouldkeephertoys,butshewasn’tbringingsomethingshe’dusedwithanothermanintomyhouse.
Ichargeddownthestairsandoutofmyapartmenttothetrashchute,tossingtheboxanditscontentsinsidetobeincinerated.Becausefuckthat.
Notinmyhouse.
Stormingbackin,Iwentinsearchofmywife.Weobviouslyneededtohaveaconversation.
ClaritystruckthroughmythundercloudofdispleasurewhenInoticedthepooloflightinthehallwaycomingfromtheden.
Ofcourseshewasintheden.
Andsureenough,IfoundhercurledupunderoneofthethrowsI’dboughtwithherinmind.
Itookinthescene.
Anemptybottleofwateronitssideontheottomanwithacrumb-coveredplatenexttoit.Saoirsewasinthecornerofthesectional,herheadagainstacushion.TheTVwasoff,theremoterestingonthepalmofherslackhand.
Soundasleep.
ShewassostillIwouldhavesuspectedshewasdeadifnotforthegentleriseandfallofherchest.
Icroucheddowninfrontofher,pushingherhairbackfromherface.“Saoirse.Timetogotobed.”
Hereyesflutteredbutremainedclosed.“I’msleepy.”
“Iknow,prettygirl.Butyou’llhaveabetternight’ssleepinyourownbed.”Removingtheremote,Itookherhandinmine,strokingmythumboverherfingers.
“Notmybed,”shemumbled.
“It’syourbednow.”Mythumblandedonherringfinger,andtheabsenceofherringsbroughtmetoastandstill.“Youtookyourringsoff?”
Herfingersflexed.“Thatwasalongtimeago.”
“Howlong?”
Hermouthcurved.“Years.”
“Andwheredidyouputthemyearsago?”
Herhandfloppedinthedirectionoftheottoman.Iturnedback,immediatelyspottingthemnearherplate.HowI’doverlookedthem,Ihadnoidea,butIpickedthemupandeasilyslidthembackonher.
“That’sbetter,”Imurmured.
Herfingersflexedagain.“It’ssoweird.”
“Theylookgoodonyou,though.”
Shepeekedatmethroughaslitinoneeye.“Shhh.”Thenshetappedmylipswithherfingertip.“Nomoretalking.I’msleepinghere.”
Ipeeledbacktheblanket,andsherespondedbycurlingintoaneventighterball.“Wakeupforme.”
“Mmm…no.Notrightnow.Trybacklater.”
Shewascute,butIwastootiredtobattleher.
“Comeon.”Inonefellswoop,Ihadherupandinmyarms.“Let’sgo.”
Startling,herarmsloopedaroundmyneck.“Luca!Whatareyoudoing?”
“Takingyoutobed.”
“I’mnothelpless,youknow.”Herheadfellagainstmychest.Sheinhaleddeeply.“Yousmellgood.”
“That’swhatshoweringwilldo.”
Hereyesfinallyopened.Theyrakedoverme,alineformingbetweenherbrows.“Icanwalk.”Shekickedherfeet.“Putmedown.”
“Stopmoving,orwe’rebothgoingdown.”Istrodeupthestairsanddownthehalltoherbedroom.Atthethreshold,Irelentedtoherrepeatedrequests,settingheronherfeet.Shestumbledalittlebutcaughtherselfontheframe.
“Ithinkthelasttwodaysarecatchinguptome.”Sheyawnedtopunctuateherstatement.
“Metoo.”Iswipedmyhandoverthetopofmyhead.“I’llseeyouinthemorning.”
ShecaughtmysleeveasIturnedaway.“Arewedrivingtoworktogether?”
“It’sbetterwe’renotseentogetheragainuntilwetellourfamilies.”
Shenodded.“Sure.Thatmakessense.Goodnight,Luca.”
“Goodnight,Saoirse.”
Strippedoutofmyclothes,Ilayinbed,wideawake,despitebeingdeadonmyfeet.I’dhopedworkingmyselftothepointofexhaustionwouldhavedulledmythoughtsenoughformetoignorethem,butnodice.
IwasfacinganotherweekinajobIhadheavydoubtsIwascapableof.
Keepingamotorcyclecompanyafloatandprofitableinanelectricageanddownwardeconomictrends.
Myentireextendedfamilycountingonthoseprofitsfortheirlivelihood.
Therealitythatmyfatherwasn’ttheinvincibleforceofnatureI’dalwaysviewedhimas.
Mymotherworryingherselfintoknotsovertheheartofthemanshe’dtakencareofherentireadultlife.
Thewifesleepingintheroombesidemine.
Myfuckingdickswellinginmypantsattheverythoughtofher.Mydesirescouldn’tevengivemeabreak.NotevenmyconstantstreamofworrieswouldcutoffmyforcefulattractiontoSaoirse.
Iacceptedsleepwouldn’tbecominguntilIdid.Withafrustratedgroan,Iyankedbackthecoversandtookmycockinmypalm.AndlikeI’ddonedozensoftimessincethenightwemet,IclosedmyeyesandpicturedSaoirsewrithingonmysheets,thememoryofhertasteonmytongue.
WhenIwasfinishedandsated,undeservedresentmenttowardherroseintheplaceofdesire.ButatleastIwasfinallyabletoshuteverythingelseoffandfallasleep.
MynextweekwassotightlypackedIbarelyhadroomtothink,whichInowviewedasagoodthing.ItwasonlywhenIgothome,thequietpresenceofSaoirseinmyden,theplacethathadbeenmyretreat,everythingfloodedback.
Shewasasunobtrusiveaspossible.Shehadn’taskedanythingofmesincemovingin.NochirpedgreetingsinthemorningordemandsIhavedinnerwithherintheevening.Wewerebarelyroommates,andwe’dyettodiscusshowitwouldgowhenwewentpublicwithourmarriage.Wehadn’ttalkedaboutmuchofanything.
Thatwouldhavetochange.Inordertobeabelievablecouple,wehadtoknoweachother.BeyondthebackgroundcheckI’dhaddoneonher,IonlyknewvaguestoriesI’dheardaboutherovertheyears.
Withthatinmind,IemailedherTuesdaymorningfrommydesk.
To:saoirsekelly@rossimotors.com
From:lucarossi@rossimotors.com
Saoirse,
Ifyouhavetimetoday,joinmeforlunch.
Yours,
Luca
Herreplywasimmediateandtothepoint.
To:lucarossi@rossimotors.com
From:saoirsekelly@rossimotors.com
Luca,
Hey,thanksfortheinvite.Iactuallyhaveplansforlunchtoday.
Whatabouttomorrow?
xoxo,
Saoirse
Istoppedmyselffromdemandingtoknowwhatplansshehad.Itwasn’tmyconcern.Saoirsecouldhavelunchwiththepresidentifsheliked,aslongassheunderstood,inpublic,shewasmywife.
To:saoirsekelly@rossimotors.com
From:lucarossi@rossimotors.com
Saoirse,
ThenIwillseeyoutonightfordinner.Weshouldtalkabouthowwe’regoingtohandletellingourparents,whichissomethingthatneedstohappensoon.
Yours,
Luca
Promptasever,sherepliedinminutes.
To:lucarossi@rossimotors.com
From:saoirsekelly@rossimotors.com
Luca,
You’reactuallygoingtobehometonight?Iwasn’tsureifyouevenlivedthereanymore.I’llhavetocanceltheragerIhadplanned.
I’mupfordinnerandtalking.Iwouldlikethatverymuch.Wecanalsodiscussthecatyoupromisedme.
xoxo,
Saoirse
Ipressedtheheelofmyhandintomyeye.Thiswoman.I’dforgottenaboutmypromisetoletherhaveacat.Clearly,shehadn’t.
Clarapoppedherheadintomyoffice.“ThebabyisinthemoodforThai.Takemetolunch?”
Idroppedmyhand,narrowingmyeyesather.“Don’tyouhaveahusbandforthat?”
“Millerdoesn’tlikeThaifoodandyouknowIhateeatingonmyown.Please,Luca?WecantalkaboutthenewlistofwomenIsentyou.”
“Isthatsupposedtobeanenticement?”
Sherubbedherprotrudingbelly.“Yournieceiscravingchickensatay.Wouldyoureallydepriveherofthat?”
Ishookmyhead.“Atsomepoint,youwon’tbeabletoholdherovermyheadtogetyourway.”
Shewaggedherfingeratme.“Fortunatelyforme,thatdayisnottoday.Seeyouatnoon.”ChapterFifteen
Saoirse
Niddhi,Amelia,Charlie,andIwereouttolunchatNiddhi’sfavoriteThaiplace.Shewasstillinadownwardspiraloverherex,whonowhadaseriousgirlfriendandwasblastingtheirrelationshipalloversocialmedia.
Thiswasacheer-uplunch,andIwasmorethanpleasedtohavebeeninvitedintothistightlittlegroup.
Plus,thepadthaiandgaengdaengwereoff-the-chartsdelicious.BetterthanIhadwhenI’dvisitedThailand.
IfeltalittlebadforbeinginsuchagoodmoodwhenAmeliahadjustswoopedatearfulNiddhitothebathroomtohelphercleanuphermakeup,butIwas.LucaandIwerefinallygoingtotalktonight,andmaybeI’dgetmycatsoon.
Charliereachedacrossandswipedapieceoffriedbasilfrommyplate.“Howisthissogood?”
Iswattedhisarm.“Watchit.Itakemyfoodseriously.Thenexttimeyoustealfromme,Ican’tpromiseIwon’tstabyouwithmyfork.”
Hegavemeaplayfulshoveback.“Sharingiscaring,Saorise.”Hisplayfulexpressionsuddenlydropped.“Ohshit.WhyistheCEOlookingatuslikethat?”
Turningmyhead,Ifollowedhislineofsight,landingonLuca.Hewasontheothersideoftherestaurant,histhunderousglareaimeddirectlyatthetwoofus.Igavehimasmallsmile,whichseemedtocausehisfrowntodeepen.Ididn’tknowwhatelsetodosincewewerestillunderwraps.Itwasn’tlikeatemporaryemployeecouldwaltzovertotheCEOforachat.
“He’snotgoingtolast,youknow.”
IwhippedaroundtofaceCharlie.“Whatdoyoumean?”
“HaveyouheardanythingaboutLucaRossi?”
Ishookmyhead.“Notreally.”
Heleanedin,speakinglow,eventhoughtherewasnochanceLucawouldbeabletohearhimfromtheothersideoftherestaurant.“He’satclubseveryweekend,alwaysgettinghispicturestaken.I’veheardrumorshe’shadmultipleDUIs,whichhavebeendismissedfrombribes.Theyalsosayhissisteristheonewhoreallyrunsthecompany.He’sjustthefaceofit…fornow.”
“Thatsoundslikealotofrumorsbasedonnothingbutgossip.”Ihadtofightthesnarlthatwantedtocomeoutandplay.IbarelyknewLuca,butbythenatureofourrelationship,hehadmyloyalty,andIdidn’tlovethewayCharliewasspeakingabouthim.“Besides,Idon’tthinkit’sagreatideatorootagainsttheCEOofthecompanyyouworkfor.”
Heshrugged.“Iwasabigfanofhisfather.I’mreservingmyjudgmentfortheson.”
Alaughburstoutofme.“Thisisyoureservingyourjudgment?”
Hesnickered.“Iguessnot.Butyou’reright.Ishouldgivehimachance.”HepeeredinLuca’sdirection.“Lookslikehe’sgonenow.Wecanrelaxagain.”
NiddhiandAmeliachosethatmomenttobustlebacktothetable,Niddhi’sstreaksofmascaraallcleanedup.Shedovestraightfortheplateofspringrollsinthemiddleofthetable.
“Whatdidwemiss?”Ameliaaskedassheshookouthernapkin.
IwavedmychopsticksatCharlie.“JustalittlebashingoftheCEO,that’sall.”
Sherolledhereyes.“CharlieonlydislikesLucaRossibecausehe’shotterthanhim.”
Charliemadeastrangledsound.“That’s—”
Shepinnedhimwithahardstare.“It’strueandyouknowit.ButLucaRossiishotterthanninety-eightpercentofthemalepopulation,sodon’tgettoodisheartened.”
Whenwearrivedbackattheoffice,InoticedafewpeoplelookingatmeasIwalkedbythemonmywaytomydesk.IwonderedwhyIwassuddenlysointeresting.IcheckedthecompactmirrorIkeptinmydeskdrawer.Therewasn’tfoodonmyfaceorblouse,soIshruggeditoff.Ihadafullinboxofemailstoanswerandtaskstocompletebeforetheendoftheday.
Thesubjectofthecompany-wideemailfromLucaRossi,CEOofRossiMotors,stoppedmeinmytracks.
PersonalAnnouncement
Holyshit.Hecouldn’thave.
Iclickedit,theblooddrainingfrommyfacewhenitopened.AttheverytopoftheemailwasapictureJudgeHernandezhadtakenofusonourweddingday.
He’ddoneit.
He’dreallydoneit.
Withoutanydiscussion,Lucahadannouncedourmarriagetotheentirecompany.
DearRossiemployees,
ItismyintentionasyourCEOtobehonestandopenwithyou.Sometimesthatwillmeansharingbadnewsandpersonalfailures,butothertimes,likenow,I’llsharemytriumphs.
It’swithgreathappinessIannouncemymarriagetomynewbride,SaoirseKelly-Rossi.Weweremarriedinaprivateceremonyatourhome,andwe’relookingforwardtowhatthefuturehasinstoreforus.
ThankyouforyourcontinuedsupportofRossiMotors,theRossifamily,andofme.
Yours,
LucaRossi
AssoonasIfinishedreading,Charliewalkedintomycubicle,wavinghisphonearound.
“Isthisyou?Ishetalkingaboutyou?”
Swallowing,Inoddedslowlyandforcedoutagrin.“Surprise!”
Thefurrowinhisbrowbeliedhiscarefullymeasuredwords.“Congratulationsareinorderthen.”
“Thankyou,Charlie.”
Silencestretchedbetweenusashestaredatmycomputermonitor.Irealizedbelatedlymyweddingpicturewasfillingthescreen.
IwasalloutofgraceandsubtiltywhenIminimizedit,butitsnappedCharlie’sattentionbacktome.
“Youcouldhavetoldmeatlunchinsteadoflettingmespoutoff.Ifeellikeanidiot.”
“No,don’t.”IwasgoingtokillLucaforputtingmeinthisposition.“Youdidn’tdoanythingwrong.Anddon’tworryaboutwhatyousaid.Iwon’trepeatit.”
Hisshouldersslumpedforward.“Thanksforthat.”
IfieldedseveralmorevisitsbeforeAmeliasentoutadepartment-wideemailremindingeveryoneitwasstillaworkdayandtokeepprivatemattersoutsideoftheoffice.Thevisitspeteredoutafterthat,butIhadnodoubtIwasthesubjectofmanyinterofficeprivatemessages.
Andyet,Ihadn’theardasinglethingfromLuca.
Foregoinganemail,Itextedhim.
Me:Sendmethecodefortheelevator.Weneedtotalk.
Luca:I’mbusynow,Saoirse.We’lltalktonightasplanned.
Me:Alittlelateforthat,isn’tit?Whileyou’relockedinyourexecutivetower,I’mwiththerestofyouremployees.Sendthecode,orI’ll“replyall”toyouremailandtelleveryoneaboutyourfetish.
Luca:WhatfetishdoIhave?
Me:Don’tbecoy.Iknowallaboutyourcollectionoftoenails.
Luca:Jesus.WhydidIthinkyou’dmakemylifeeasier?Checkyourbadge.You’llfindyounowhaveclearancetotheexecutivefloor.Perksofbeingmywife.
Me:I’monmyway.Preparetomeetyourmaker,Rossi.
LucawassittingcalmlybehindhisdeskwhenIarrived.
“Areyoukiddingme?”Iseethed,chargingtowardhisdesk.Ibracedmyhandsonit,leaningdownsowewerefacetoface.“Thisisn’twhatweplanned.”
Heliftedashoulder.“Planschange.Wewouldhavediscusseditoverlunch,butyouwerebusy.”
Myeyesflared.“Iknowyousawmewithmycoworkers.Isawyoutoo.”
“Coworkers?Ionlysawone,andthetwoofyoulookedreallyfamiliarwitheachother.”
“Youonlysawonebecausetwoofthemwereinthebathroom.”Straightening,Islappedmyforehead.“Isthatwhyyoudidthis?Yousentacompany-wideemailbecauseyouwerejealous?”
“Jealous?No.”Hepushedbackfromhisdesk,stood,androundedtomyside.Iturnedtofacehimhead-on.Hiseyeswerenearlyblackastheyflittedbackandforthbetweenmine.“IfI’mgoingtobeinconveniencedbyhavingawife,Iexpecthernottodateothermenduringourmarriage.That’snotaskingfortoomuch,isit?”
Mybreathcaughtathisharshmanner.“Inconvenienced?”
Hepickedupmylefthand.“Isittoomuchtoaskforyoutowearyourrings?”
“Areyouwearingyours?”
Hisjawtightened,andheleanedinsoourforeheadswerealmosttouching.Theheatedwayhelookedatmemademeunsurewhetherhewasgoingtothrottlemeorkissme.Iwasmillimetersfromtakingthedecisionfromhimwhenhisofficedoorflungopen.
“Married?”
Wejumpedapartattheindignantscreech.AsmartlydressedpregnantwomanwithtidyhairandLuca’seyesstoodinthedoorway,herheadswivelingbackandforthbetweenus.
Luca’sarmscrossedoverhischest.“Knocknexttime,Clara.”
Shecuppedherroundbelly.“You’remarried,Luca?Areyoukiddingme?Wejusthadlunchandyoudidn’tsayasingleword.”
Amanhoveredbehindher.Hewaswhatmysister-in-law,Elena,dubbed“Medium.”Everythingabouthimwasinthemiddle.Height,coloring,looks.ForClara’ssake—sinceIrecognizedhimasherhusband,MillerFairfield—Ihopedhehadthepersonalitytomakeupforhislackofeverythingelse.
Clarastroderighttome,holdingoutherhand.Itookasteptomeether,slidingmyhandintoherstoshake.ThenIusedmybesttrainingfrommylifeasapolitician’sdaughter.
“Hi,I’mSaoirse.It’sreallynicetomeetyou,evenundersurprisingcircumstances.”
Thatwasn’talie.IwantedtomeetallofLuca’sfamily,butClarahadintriguedmethemostsinceshewashisbigsister,andfromallaccounts,theywerefairlyclose.Also,I’dalwayshadaninterestinhigh-poweredwomen.AndClaraRossi-Fairfieldexudedpower,evenflusteredandred-faced.
Millerfollowedhiswife,shakingmyhandafterher.“MillerFairfield.Rossi’sCFOandClara’shusband.”
“It’snicetomeetyoutoo.”
Mynosetwitchedsincethiswaslessthanthetruth.IknewnothingaboutMiller,buthisimmediatevibesweresoblah,theywereoff-putting.
ThecornersofClara’seyespinched.“Iwishthiswasn’tthefirsttimeI’mhearingofyou,Saoirse.IfI’dknownmybrotheralreadyhadawife,Iwouldn’thavespentsomuchtimetryingtofixhimupwithasuitablewoman.”
Iletoutasoft,breathylaugh.“Itwouldbegreatifyoudidn’tpushmyhusbandtodateanylonger.”
Luca’spresencehitmeabeatbeforehewrappedhisarmaroundmyback,settlinghispalmovermyhip.“Clara,Miller,thisismywife,Saoirse.Weweregoingtotellthefamilytogether,butIwashitwithasuddensurgeofpossessivenessthisafternoonandcouldn’tstopmyselffrominformingeveryonethisbeautifulwomanismine.”
Shegavehimaverysarcasticthumbs-up.“Cool.Nexttime,gethernametattooedonyourbicep.Wedon’tsendemailstotheentirecompanyonawhim,Luca.Ithinkyouknowtheminimumyoushouldhavedonewasrunitbyme,butreally,legalshouldhavebeenpulledinaswell.”
Hisfingerscurledintomyhip.“Inthefuture,I’lldothat.Butwhat’sdoneisdone.Ican’texactlyunspillthisnews.”
Islidmyhandoverhis,weavingourfingerstogether.“IwouldhavestoppedhimifI’dknownhewasgoingtodoit.ButwebothknowwhenLucahasanidea—”
“There’snostoppinghim,”Clarafinished.“Yes.Thirty-oneyearsofLucaRossihastaughtmethat.”
Lucaclearedhisthroat.“Well,you’vemet.Nowyoucango,andwecanallgetbacktowork.”
Shescoffed.“Doyouactuallybelievethat’stheendofit?Ihavequestions,Luca,andyouwillanswerthem.”Thenshesmiledatme,andtherewasaheavydoseofkindnessbehindit.“You’rebeautifulandelegantandseemtolikemybrotherforsomereason.I’llgetyournumberfromLuca—”
Hechuffed.“Idon’twantthetwoofyoumeetingwithoutme.”
“BypassLucaandemailme.It’smyfirstandlastnameatRossiMotors.”
Herbrowsrose.“You’reaRossiemployee?”
“Onlyatemp.”
Lucaclearedhisthroatagain.“Actually,asoffiveminutesago,yournewemailisSaoirseRossiatRossiMotorsdotcom.”
Ibitdownonmytongue.Hard.Lucawasobviouslyusedtomakingunilateraldecisions,butthatwasn’tgoingtofly.Still,Iknewenoughtodiscussthisinprivate.
Clarapressedherhandstogether.“You’llhaveanemailfrommewithallmycontactinformationverysoon.”Shejabbedafingeratherbrother.“We’lltalklater.”
“Uh,Luca.”Millerheldupafinger.“WeneedtosetasidesometimetodiscusstheGraveBusinessReport.Theypublishedanarticle—”
“Miller.”Clara’ssharptoneandclenchedjawdreweveryone’seyestoherandstoppedherhusbandinhistracks.
Whatthehellisthatabout?
Lucafilledthethicksilence.“Sendmethelinkandyourthoughts,please.I’llgetbacktoyouassoonasIhavethechance.”
Mollified,Millernoddedandlethiswifeleadthewayoutoftheoffice,hishandonthesmallofherback.Assoonastheycrossedthethreshold,theywenttheirseparatewayswithoutawordtoeachother.
Lucacircledhisdesk,takinghisseatbehindit.Istoodtherewithmyhandsonmyhips.
Heraisedhiseyestome.“Ican’tdothisrightnow.”
“Areyougoingtoactuallycomehometonight?”
“Icomehomeeverynight.”
“Pfft.AfterI’masleep,andyouleavebeforeIcomedownstairs.Canyoutrytobehomeearliersowecanmakeaplan?”
Hefoldedhishandsonatidystackofpapers.“I’llbehomebyseven.Wecanhavedinnertogetherandtalk.”Thenhewavedmeoff.“Ordertakeout.I’mgoodwithwhateveryoulike.”
Iblinkedathim,notfeelinglikemuchofafanofCEOLuca.“AmIbeingdismissed?”
“Youcanstandthereforaslongasyouwantto,butIhavealotIneedtogetthroughinordertoleavetheofficebeforeyoureighto’clockbedtime.”
“Idon’tgotobedateight.”Itwasmoreliketen,butstill.Couldn’tagirllikehersleepwithoutbeingjudged?
“Closeenough.I’llseeyoutonight,Saoirse.”
Spinningonmytoes,Iheadedforthedoor.Withmyhandontheknob,Ilookedovermyshoulder.Luca’seyeswereonme.
“Yoursisterseemsprettyamazing.”
Heloweredhischin,hismouthcurvingslightly.“Yeah,sheis.”
“Yourbrother-in-law,though…”Irolledmylipsovermyteeth,andLuca’sshouldersvibratedwithsilentlaughter.
“Yeah,heis.”
IwassiftingthroughLuca’spileoftake-outmenushekeptinoneofhiskitchendrawers.Itseemed,likeme,hewasafanofholdingamenuinhishandsratherthanscrollingthroughthemonhisphone.
Iwasthinkingwe’dhaveburgersfordinner.IhadnoideaifLucaevenlikedhamburgers,buthe’dleftmeincharge,sohe’dhavetolivewithwhateverIdecided.
Aknockonthefrontdoorinterruptedmyrumination.BeforeIcouldevenhopuptoanswerit,Iheardthesoundofthedeadboltclicking,followedbytwovoices.
“Luca?”Awoman.
“He’snothomeyet.Itoldyouthat.”Aman.
Ohshit.WhatwasIsupposedtodo?Iwasinthekitchen,soIhadmychoiceofweapons,butmaybehidingwasthebestplan.Thievesdidn’ttypicallystealfrompantries,didthey?
Myfeetwerestillgluedtothefloorinpanicwhentheintrudersroundedthecornerintothekitchen.Thethreeofusstaredateachotherforalong,tension-filledmoment.
AsItookthemin,itbecamecrystalcleartheyweren’tthieves.Thewomanlookedtobeawell-keptsixty,withathick,creamyblondebobandelegantunderstatedmakeup.Therewasnothingunderstatedabouttherockonherfingerorthegleamofrubiesinherears.
Themanwasofasimilarage.Dressedintailoredtrousersandastarchedbutton-down,hetoweredoverthepetitewomenbyhisside.Hissalt-and-pepperhairandthesubtlewrinklesonhisangularfacedidnothingtotakeawayfromthestarkresemblancetohisson.
TherewasnoquestionthesewereLuca’sparents.
Iraisedmytremblinghand.“Hi.I’mSaoirse.YoumustbeMr.andMrs.Rossi.”
Hismothercoveredhermouthwithonehandandclutchedherhusband’sarmwiththeother.Mr.Rossi’sreactionwasmoresubtle,rockingbackonhisheelsashetookmein.
“WethoughtLucawasplayingaprankonus.”Heclearedhisthroat.“Itappearshisnewsislegitimate.You’remarriedtomyson.”
Inoddedonce.“Iam.AndbelievemewhenIsayIwishyouhadn’tfoundoutthisway.”
Mrs.Rossisuckedinabreath,andIbracedmyself.
ItwasagoodthingIdidbecausethenextthingshedidwasrushatme.ChapterSixteen
Luca
Imadeithomebyseventhirty.Laterthanplanned,butSaoirsewouldstillbeawake,andwecouldgetthishashedout.
ThesceneIwalkedinonwasnottheoneIexpected.
Thefirstsignsomethingwasoffwasthelaughtercomingfromthekitchen.Thentherewerethescentsofcookingandthepopofoilinapan.
Kickingoffmyshoesanddroppingmybag,IroundedthecornertobegreetedbythesightofmymotherandSaoirsestandingsidebysideatthestovewhilemyfatherleanedagainstthecounter,watchingoverthem.
Hewasthefirsttoseeme.InsteadofthefrownofadmonishmentI’dexpected,hegrinnedatme.
Itwasapunchtothegut.Hissmileshadbeenfewandfarbetweensincehisheartattack.Hewasn’tadjustingwelltoallthechangesinhislife.Yetherehewas,standinginmykitchen,lookingashappyasI’dseenhiminages.
“Luca’shome,”heannounced.
MymotherandSaoirsewhirledaroundatthesametime.Iwalkedover,peckingmymother’scheekbeforemovingontomywife.
“You’relate,”sheteased.“Butit’sagoodthingyou’reherenowsincedinner’salmostready.”
Itookherchinbetweenmyfingers,studyingherexpressionforstressoranger,butIcouldn’tfindit.Sheleanedin,offeringmeherlips.Itookthem,pressingalingeringkisstohermouth.
“Thisisasurprise,”Imurmured.
Hermouthstretchedwideintoasmile.“Agoodone,Ihope.Ang,Vic,andIhavegottenallthepreliminariesoutoftheway.Theyknowallabouthowwemetandourbalconywedding.Nowwecanjustrelax.”
Ifeltmymother’seyesonus,soIturnedtoher.“Isthattrue?CanIrelax?”
Shereachedoutandswattedmyarm.“No,youcan’t.Youkeptthiswonderfulnewsfromusforsomereason,soyou’llhavetopay.Gosetthetablewithyourfather.”
Iplantedakissonthetopofherhead.“Aye,aye,captain.”
Myfather’sregardwasalotheavierthanmymother’shadbeenwhilethetwoofussetthetableasinstructed.Iraisedabrowathim.
“You’renotonetoholdbackyouropinion,”Isaid.
Hestoppedfoldinganapkinandleveledmewithaflintystare.“Yourobbedyourmotherofabigwedding.”
Purposefully.WhenIwasmarriedforreal,mymothercouldgowildwithplanning.Iwantedthatforherbecauseitwouldmakeherhappy.TherewasnowayIwouldhavebeenabletostomachhergoingallinonsomethingthatwasaliefromthebeginning.
“ShehadClara’s,”Iargued.
“Shewantedoneforyoutoo.Ifsheasks,you’llallowhertothrowyouaparty.”
Icouldn’tfightheronthat.WhatwouldIevensaytogetoutofit?
“SheandSaorisecantalkaboutthat.”
Hefoldedhisarmsoverhischest.“I’mdisappointedyouchosetogoaboutgettingmarriedthisway.”
“Iknowyouare.”DisappointmentwassomethingIwasusedtofromhim.Heattemptedtohideit,buthewasn’tthemoststellaractor.Imayhavelookedlikehim,butIwasnotmadeinhisimage,andwewerebothalltooawareofthat.
Heheldhisstareforanotherlongbeatbeforesighingandpickingupthenapkintofold.“Itshouldn’tsurpriseme.Youwereneverakidwholikedtobeplacedinabox.Andnowlookatyou,doingajobyouhate,livingalifeyouneverwanted.Ifthisisyourlastactofrebellion—”
“MarryingSaoirseprivatelywasn’tanactofrebellion.Itwaswhatwebothwanted.”
Hefoldedtheotherthreenapkinssilentlythenraisedhishead.“Youdidn’tdenyanythingelseIsaid.”
Ituggedthetiearoundmyneckloose.“There’snothingtosay.Ihadthirty-oneyearstolivehowIwanted.It’shardtoadjusttomynewreality,butthatdoesn’tmeanIhateit.Itwilltakemetimetofindmyway,butIwillfindit.”
Hegesturedtowardthekitchen.“FromwhatI’veseen,youpickedagoodwomantohavebyyourside.Yourmomisalreadyinlove.”
Anothersocktothegut.“Saoirsehasthatwayabouther.”
AndIwouldhavetodealwithmymother’sheartbreakwhenthismarriagedissolved.
DinnerwithmyparentswasalotlighterthanI’dexpectedittobe.Myfathergrumbledoverhisbreading-freechickenbreast,andthelackofwinewithourmealwasobvious,butitwasn’tmentioned.
Myfatherwasgoingthroughhisownadjustments.Inthatway,Iunderstoodhimalltoowell.
“HowdoyoulikeworkingatRossi?”DadaskedSaoirse.
Shewipedhermouthwithhernapkin.“I’veworkedalotofplaces,andRossiisoneofmyfavorites.”
“Shelikesitbecauseofthesnacks,”Iinterjected.
Dadcockedhishead.“Snacks?”
“Themanagerofherdepartmentbringsinbakerytreats.”IglancedatSaoirse,whonoddedalongwithmeinagreement.“She’sonlystayingonforthefreshbiscotti.”
“It’strue.I’dsellmyshoecollectionforthatbiscotti.”
Mybrowwinged.“Youdon’thavemanyshoes,sothatisn’tsayingmuch.”
Shetappedmychinwithherfingertip.“ButtheshoesIhave,Itreasure.So,itreallyissayingalot.”
“We’llhavetogoshopping,Saoirse.Awomancanneverhavetoomanyshoes,”mymotheroffered.
“I’dlovethat.”Herhandsliddowntomyshoulder.“Yoursonhastoldmeaboutallyourbeautifulclothingandjewels.HewasaghastthatI’mnotabigjewelryperson.”
“IfIraisedhimright,he’llremedythat.”Mymotherwinkedatherthensmiledatmyfather.
Theconversationflowedtoothertopics,includingtravel.MyparentswereplanningatriptoCaliforniainafewmonthsoncemydadwasgivenmedicalclearancetotravel.
“YougrewupinCalifornia,didn’tyou?”Dadasked.
“Idid.AndIspentalotoftimeatmyfamilyranchinWyomingtoo.That’swheremydad,brother,hiswife,andtheirkidslive.”
“Aranch?”Hestrokedhischin.“Doyouridehorses?”
Notknowingtheanswertohisquestion,Ilistenedwithinterest.
“Ohyeah,ofcourse.IwasonaponyassoonasIcouldsituponmyown,andIhavemyownhorsethatlivesontheranch.HernameisAthena.”Shebumpedmyshoulderwithhers.“We’llgoridingwhenwevisit.Ihaveahorseinmindforyoutoride.”
Dadlaughed.“Luca’smoreofabikeriderthanacowboy.”
Shedidn’tlethisdoubtdeterher.“He’lllearn.Andafterwegoriding,hecanbookamassageattheresortpartofourranch.”
Mymother’seyeslitup.“Resort?Nowyou’respeakingmylanguage.”
Thiswasn’treal.Itwouldn’tlast.ButIdecidedtoputthosefactsasideandenjoyseeingmyparentssmiling,happy,andexcitedforwhatwastocome.Iletmyselfenjoyittoo.
Itwaslatebythetimewehadachancetotalkonourown.Myparentshadhungoutforawhile,andneitherSaoirsenorIhadbeeninarushforthemtoleave.Sheseemedtogenuinelylikethem,andIwascertainI’dbegettingagushingcallfrommymotherabouthowwonderfulmywifewas.
Iwalkedintothedenafterseeingthemout.Saoirsewaswaitingformeonthesectional,ablanketthrownacrossherlap.
“Ihaven’tseenthemthishappyinawhile,”Istated.
“They’relovely.Ithoughtyourmotherwasgoingtoattackme,butshegavemethebiggesthugI’vehadinages.”
“Shedoesthat.”
“Well,Ilikedit.”Shegesturedtoherself.“IwishI’dknowntheywerecoming.Iwouldhavetriedtobepresentable.Jeez.”
Thiswasthefirsttimewhatshewaswearingregistered.She’dchangedoutofherworkclothesintoleggingsandavintageHardRockCafeshirt.Herlonghairwaspulledbackintoalooseponytail,andherfacewasfreeofmakeup.
Beautiful,asalways.Shehadnothingtoworryabout.
“I’msuretheyunderstand.”Isatdown,stretchingmyarmsoverthebackofthecouch,andtuggedontheendofherponytail.“Youhadn’tbeenexpectingthem,andyou’rerelaxinginyourownhome.Ifanything,howyoulookedsoldthelegitimacyofourrelationship.”
Hernosecrinkled.“Theliesjustkeepstackingup.”
Myexhalewasheavy,andsuddenly,sowasmyhead,lollingbackonthecushions.“Let’stalkaboutrealthings.YouhaveahorsenamedAthenainWyoming.”
“Ido.”
“Yourparentsaredivorced.”
“Yes.It’sbeenfifteenyearsnow.”
“Amicable?”
“No.Theybrokeeachother.”
Iclosedmyeyes.“They’rethereasonyoudon’tbelieveinmarriage?”
“Thedissolutionoftheirmarriagewasthefirstseedinmydisbelief,yeah.Thefollowingfifteenyearsofbitterheartbreakplanteditfirmlyinmyheart.”
“Whathappened?”
“Doyoureallywanttoknow?”
“Iwouldn’thaveaskedifIdidn’t.”Openingmyeyesagain,Igavehermyattention.
“Myparentswerecollegesweethearts.TheirplanwastoliveinCaliforniaaftertheygotmarriedandeventuallymovetoWyomingtotakeoverthefamilyranch.Mymomkeptpostponingthemove,andastheyearswentby,Ithinkitbecameobvioustomydadshewasn’tgoingtokeepupherendofthebargain.So,helivedwithusparttimeandparttimeinWyominguntilhefinallyleftherforgood.”
Saoirsesmoothedherblanketwithherpalms.“WhenIwasyoung,myparentswerecrazyabouteachother.Theyweresodifferent,buttheyworkedinahugeway.Andthen,oneday,itjust…fellapart.Ourfamilycrashedandburned.”
“Thatwasit?Itwasallover?”
Sheblewoutaheavybreath.“Iwish.Mymotherhasbeenhatingonmydadeversince,whilemydadnevermovedonfromlovingher.”
“Hestilllovesherfifteenyearslater?”
“Mmm…yeah.Theyaren’tinthesameplaceoften,butwhentheyare,hecan’ttakehiseyesoffher.”
“Thenwhyaretheydivorced?”
“Doyouwanttohearthenailinmycynicalcoffin?”
Igrabbedtheendofherponytail,toyingwithhersilkyhair.“Giveittome.”
“Ionlyfoundthisoutasanadult.Afteryearsofblamingmymotherforsplittingupourfamily,itcametolightthatmyfatherhadcheatedonher.”
“Ithoughthewasmadlyinlovewithher.”
“That’sthekicker.Heisandalwayshasbeen.Butloveandmarriagearejustwords.Theycanbebrokenonasad,lonelynightinWyoming.”
Herhairslippedbetweenmyfingers.Ikeptmindlesslyplayingwithituntilherheadfellbackandlolledtothesidelikemine.
“Youeverthinkheknewhismarriagewasover,buthecouldn’tbetheonetoendit,sohechosethenuclearoption?”Iasked.
“Ithinkalotofthings,Luca.Idon’tthinkmydadevenknowswhyhedidwhathedid.”
Sincewemet,Saoirsehadbeenafirecracker.Evenwhenshewasmellow,shepoppedandfizzed.Seeinghergodark,theinherentlightinsideherdim,sparkedalow,simmeringpanicinme.Thiswasn’thernaturalstate.Itdidn’tfeelright.
“I’msorryshitwentsouthinyourlife,prettygirl.”Islippedmyhandfromherhairtocupthesideofherneck.“Idon’tthinkIlikethiscynicalsideofyou.”
Shetippedsideways,pressingagainstmyhand.“I’mmultifaceted.Ican’tbesunshineandrainbowsallthetime.Thatwouldbeboring.”
“There’scertainlynothingboringaboutyou.”
Thecornerofhermouthhitched.“NowthatI’vespilledmyemotionaltrauma—”
“Ithinkwe’vebarelyscratchedthesurface.”
“Andthatwasdeepenoughforthisevening,thankyou.”Shereachedformyhand,peelingitoffhernecktoholdonherknee.Thepadofherthumbslidbackandforthovermyfingertipsassheyawned.
“Tired?”
Shenodded.“Ireallylovesleep.”
Thatmademelaugh.“I’venoticedthataboutyou.”
“Shutup,Luca.”Shetossedmealazygrin.“AsIwassaying,Imaybecynical,butyou’reaterritorialprat.”
Mybrowsrose.“Prat?AreyouBritishnow?”
“Itfitsthesituation.”
“Soyousay.”Itriedtoyankmyhandfromher,butsheclappedherotherhandoverit,keepingitonherknee.“MaybeIamterritorial.Temporaryornot,youaremywife,andIdon’tappreciateseeingyououtalonewithanotherman,especiallyafteryouturneddownmyoffertohavelunchtogether.Nowthatourrelationshipispublic,Itrustitwon’thappenagain.”
Withagroan,shetossedmyhandbackatme.“IwasalonewithhimformaybefiveminuteswhileNiddhiandAmelia—whoarewomen,bytheway—wereintherestroom.Ifyouwouldhavespokentomeorthoughtbeforeacting,youwouldhaveknownthis.”
Herexplanationmadesense,butIstilldidn’tlikethewaythatguyhadbeenlookingather,gettingclosetoher.I’dsetthatright.He’dknowbetterinthefuture.
Nowwasn’tthetimetotellSaoirseanyofthisthough.
“Ihearyou,andIunderstandmyknee-jerkreactionwasmisinformed.Idon’tregretitnowthatit’soveranddonewith.”
“Youcan’tmakedecisionsthatinvolvemewithoutadiscussion,Luca.Thatisn’tfair.”
“Igetthat.Believeme,Claracamebacktomyofficeafteryouleftandtoremeanewasshole.Ihadtotakeacallwithourlegaldepartmentwhileshestoodoverme.I’vebeenproperlychastised.”
“Notbyme.”Shefoldedherarmsoverherchest.“We’llhavetogotoWyomingthisweekend,youknow.There’snowaywecandelaythatnow.”
“ItoldyouI’dgo.Imeantit.”
“Okay.ThenIshouldprobablygiveyouacrashcourseontheKellyfamilysoitseemslikeweactuallyknoweachother.”Herjawcrackedwhensheyawnedagain.
“Iknowalotaboutyou.”
“Ohyeah?Whatdoyouknowaboutmethatyoudidn’tlearnfrommybackgroundcheck?”
“Whatyoutastelike.”
Hermouthfellopenwithahuffandshekickedherfootoutfromunderherblanket,connectingwiththesideofmyleg.
“Iknowalotaboutyoutoo,Luca.”
Shetriedtodrawherfootback,butIcaughtherbytheankle,givingherasharptug,whichlandedherflatonherback.Ituggedheragain,bringingherlegsovermylap,herassbumpingagainstmythigh.
Leaningoverher,Ibracedahandbesideherhead.“Whatdoyouthinkyouknow?”
“Iknowyou’reabrute.”Sheshovedatmychestwithoutanyrealforce.
“Firstaprat,nowabrute.Thosewordssting,Saorise.”Iloweredmyfaceclosetohers.“Whatelse?”
Hereyesdancedwithmischief.Thelittlefirecrackerwasalllitupagain.“You’reamama’sboy.”
Mymouthhitched.“Guiltyascharged.WhatgoodItalianboyisn’t?”
“It’scute.Ilikeit.”Thensheliftedherchin.“Iknowyoutalkabiggame,butthere’snothingtobackitup.”
Rearingback,Istareddownather.“What’sthatmean?”
“Itmeansyoutoldmeweweregoingtoendupfucking,butthisistheclosestyou’vebeentomeunlesswe’replayingapart.”
Myheadtilted.Thiswomanremainedamysterytome.Ihadnoideawhereshewasgoingwiththisexceptfortheobvious.“Areyoufeelingneedy?”
“Notrightnow.Asyouknow,Icantakecareofmyself.I’msimplymakinganobservation.You’realltalk.”
Goddamnmystery.
“Idon’tthinkyoucanmakeadefinitiveopiniononthatsubject.Justbecauseithasn’thappeneddoesn’tmeanitwon’t.”Itrailedmyfingeralonghercheekbone.“Iknowyou’reanaughtylittlefuckingtease.”
Hermouthspreadintoaslowgrin.“Youmakeitsofun.”
Pushingupright,Igrabbedherhandsandtuggedherupwithmesoshewashalfsprawledacrossmylap.“Whyareyoubringingthisuprightnow?”
“I’mtryingtofigureyouout,Luca.You’vemadenoefforttospendanytimewithmesincewegotmarried,butthesecondyouseemewithanotherman,yougoallcaveman.Youswitchbetweenhotandcoldinablink.I’mtryingtofindapattern,butIdon’tthinkthereisone.Whoareyou,LucaRossi?Ihavenoearthlyidea.”
Mygutclenchedasshelaidoutthebarefactsassheknewthem.ThethingsI’dlethersee.Shewasn’twrong.Iwassofuckingoff-kilterIbarelyrecognizedmyself.
Itookherchininmyhand,tippingherheadback.“Luckily,wehavetwoyearsforyoutofigurethatout.Whenyoudo,letmeknow.”
“Cold,”shewhispered,takingmyhandinhers.“Socold.”
BeforeIknewwhatshehadplanned,shebitdownhardonmyfingertip,neverbreakingeyecontact.Ididn’tpullback,lettinghergrindheralmost-too-bigfrontteethintomyringfinger.
“Ifyou’regoingtobiteitoff,doitalready,”Igrittedout.
Somethingbehindherchocolatyeyeslitup,andherteethwerereplacedwithwarmlipsandhertonguestrokingawaythestingshe’dcaused.
Thenitwasallgone.Saoirsehoppedupfromthecouch,stretchingherarmsoverherhead.
“Gladwehadthattalk,”shechirped.“Goodnight,husband.”
Shesaunteredoutoftheden,andmyheadfellbackwithagroan.
Myfingerpulsedtothesamerhythmasmyrock-harddick.I’dmarriedamadwoman.Eitherthatoranevilgenius.
Mostnights,Ileftthecondotodomyownthingwithoutgivingherasecondthought.ThinkingaboutSaoirsewasnotwhatanyofthiswasabout.Butthatlittlebrathadlockedherselfintotheforefrontofmymind.
Somethingtoldmethatwasexactlywhatshe’dintended.
Well,shehadmyfuckingattentionnow.AndIlookedforwardtoseeingwhatshedidwithit.ChapterSeventeen
Saoirse
“Letmeseetherock.Idemandit.”IheldoutmylefthandtoRebecca,Elise’sextremelyextrovertedworkbestie.Sheturnedmyhandbackandforthsothelightsfromthebarglintedofftheaquamarine.“Well,that’sjustgorgeous.Icanseewhyyouchosethisoveradiamond,eventhoughIstilllovetheringSamgaveme.”
Samwasherhighschoolsweetheart,whosheneverfailedtodropamentionofineveryconversation.
“Sershhasneverbeenadiamondgirl.”Elisetookmyhand,studyingmyrings.“Hedidgood.”
Ilaughed.“That’sbecauseheletmepickitout.”IpickedupmyvodkacranwithmyfreehandwhilemyotherhandwaspassedontoSimon,Elise’sotherworkbestie.Theyhadahabitofgoingoutfordrinksafterwork,andIhadahabitofjoiningthem.SinceLucaandIwereofftoWyomingtomorrowmorning,Ineededthistorelaxmyjitters.
“Therockisstunning,butI’mdisappointedinthesheerlackofromance.”SimonwasbornintheUKandstillhadaslightBritishaccentthatgotthickerwhenhedrankorwantedtosoundlikearoyal,lookingdownhisnoseatthecommoners.
“Idon’tknow.”Milesrestedhisankleonhisknee.“There’ssomethingtobesaidforgrabbingyourgirl,tellinghershebelongstoyou,andmarryingherthefirstchanceyouget.”
Ifonlythatwashowithadhappened.NotthatIwouldhaveagreedtomarryLucaforanythingotherthanafavor,butwhenMilesputitthatway,itmadethewholethingsoundsexyinsteadofsordid.
EliseraisedabrowatMiles.“Isthatyourplan?”
Heliftedhisdrink.“Youknowmeandplans,Lisie.Wedon’tmesh.ButI’mintoLuca’swholevibe.Irespectit.”
IheldbacktheeyerollsinceIwassupposedtobecrazyinlove.“Let’sseewhatmyfatherandbrotherthinktomorrowaboutLuca’svibe.”
Decidingthatsurprisingtheminpersonwasarecipefordisaster,LucaandIhadvideocalledmyWyomingfamilylastnight.MybrotherLockhaddonealotofgrunting.Mydadhadgotteneerilyquiet.Andmysister-in-lawElenahadbecometeary-eyed,whichwassonother…whichhadonlymadeLockgruntier.
“Luca’sknownforhischarm,”Elisesaid.“I’msureoncetheshockisgone,they’llbehappyforyou.”
“Theseareranchers,Lise.Theydon’tgetcharmed.”Isluggedbackmydrinkandsettheemptyglassonthetableinfrontofme,signalingourwaitressforanother.“Anyway,let’stalkaboutsomethingotherthanme.I’mtiredofbeingthecenterofattention.”
Thankfully,Milessteeredtheconversationtohishouse,whichhedeclaredwasamoneypitbutrefusedtothrowinthetowelandsellit.
“Everyweekend,I’mscrapingshit,pullingupnails.I’veprobablyinhaledenoughasbestosfortensetsoflungs.”Hecasuallydrankhisbeerasthoughthatwasn’talarming.
“Asbestos?You’renotserious,”Elisepressed.
Heshrugged.“It’shardtosay.I’mdefinitelyinhalingparticlesofancientbuildingmaterial.”
“Therearemasksforthat,mate,”Simonquipped.
“That’sit.”Rebeccaclappedherhands.“Let’shaveabuildingparty.I’llbringSamandsnacks.Someoneelsecanbringthebeer.We’llknockthisthingoutinaweekend.”
Mileswinced.“It’llbemorelikeathousandweekends.”
Iwavedmyhand.“Mynextfewweekendsarefilledanyway.”
Elisegavemeapointedstare.“Whatfriendareyouhelpingnow?”
“Howdoyouknowit’sthat?”
Herchinlowered.“Iknowyoutoowell.Outwithit.”
Itookalongswallowofmyfreshdrink.“Kenji,myfriendfromwhenIlivedinJapan—”
“OfcourseyouhaveafriendinJapan.”Simontwirledhisstrawinhisdrink.“Isthereacorneroftheworldyouhaven’tconquered?”
“Surethereis.”Iflutteredmylashesathim.“Butit’sonlyamatteroftime.”
Eliserolledherhand.“Gettothepoint.WhatareyouhelpingKenjioutwithforfreewhenyoushouldbecharginghim?”
“He’sgotthispop-up—”TheentiretablegroanedbeforeIevenexplainedwhatthepop-upbusinesswas.AndIgottheirfrustrationwithme.Iwasfeelingitwithmyselftoo.
“Youhavetochargeforyourtime,”Eliseadmonished.“HowmanyhoursdidyouspendhelpingMaritzaplanforhergardeningshop?”
Alot.IfIcountedthetimeI’dgivenawayforfree…well,Ididn’tmindit.Ilikedbeingusefulandgettingmyhandsonanewproject.Butatsomepoint,itturnedfromofferingadvicetoformulatingentirebusinessplans—andthatwaswhenitwentfromhelpingtobeingtakenadvantageof.Iwasanicegirl,butmynicenessonlywentsofar.
“Iknow,Iknow.AndonceI’mdonewiththispop-up,I’mgoingtotakeastepbackfromfreelabor.Youknow,I’vebeenthinkingaboutstartingaconsultingbusinessforyears.Theprospectisjustsodauntingtodoonmyown—”
Milessethisbeerdownonthetable.“I’min.”
Mymouthpoppedopen.“What?You’reinonwhat?”
“Yourbusinessidea.Workingatmybrother’scompanyhasbeenalearningexperience,butIcan’tgrowthere.”HeflickedhishandnexttohisheadbeforeIcouldformulatearesponse.“Iknow,Iknow.Youdon’ttakemeseriously.Buttheminuteyoustartedtalking,itclicked.Iwantinonthis.”
EliselookedfromMilestome.“He’sanincrediblytalentedvisualmarketer.Hewon’tletmecallhimanartist,butheis.MilesistheleaddesigneroftheAndesstores.”
RebeccaandSimonnodded.SinceallfourofthemworkedatAndes,Weston’soutdoorapparelcompany,theywouldhaveinsideknowledgeofMiles’sskillset.IftheyagreedwithElise’sassessment,Ihadtobelievethem.
Elise’sbrowpulledintoafrown.“AreyouseriousaboutleavingAndes?”
“Youdon’tknowwhatit’sliketoliveinmybrother’sshadow,”Milessaid.“I’mreadytohavemyownthing.”
“Pfft.Idon’tknowwhatit’slike?MybrotherisElliotLevy,billionairepropertygenius.Actually,I’mnotevencertainIknowwhathedoes.”Elisetappedherchinlikeshewasthinking.
“Butyou’vealwaysdonethingsyourway,Lisie.Plus,youdon’tworkforhim.”Milesturnedhisattentionsquarelyonme.“IdohaveskillsIcanbringtothetable.Ifthat’snotenough,IhaveashitloadofmoneyI’llneverbeabletospendinthislifetimeIalsobringwithme.Whatdoyousay?”
Iwasn’tsurehowseriouslytotakehim.“Areyoupullingmyleg?”
“Notatall.”Hesmoothedhishanddownhisthigh.“Let’ssetatimetositdownandtalkataplacethatdoesn’tinvolvealcohol.ButI’mlettingyouknownowifyou’reserious,soamI.Thisfeelsright.”
AsIsatwiththeideaanddrankyetanothervodkacran,runningitoverinmymindagainandagain,itstrangelyfeltrighttometoo.
Holyshit.
Backathome,Ilayinbed,stillbuzzedfrommydrinks.Iwasrestless.Mythingswerepackedfortomorrow.I’dshoweredandputonpajamas.Thecondowasstillandquiet.Thiswastheperfectspellformypassingoutthemomentmyheadhitthepillow,butmythoughtswouldn’tstopracing.
Worriesabouthowmyfamilywouldtakethenewsweighedonmelikebricks.
AflutteringofexcitementaboutpossiblystartingsomethingwithMilesyankedmebackup.
TheconstantgnawingofwonderingwhenLucawouldcomehomeateatme.
Wewereheadedonafour-hourmotorcycleridetomorrowandsinceI’drathernotendupasroadkill,Ineededtoberested.
ButIkeptcirclingbacktoMiles’soffertobemypartner.Iwastryingreallyhardtotempermyexcitement—whoknewifitwouldreallyhappen?ButIcouldn’tgetoverthefeelingofbeingintherightplaceattherighttime.So,ofcourse,mymindblastedoffwithideasandlistsofallthethingsthatwouldhavetogetdoneforustotrulylaunchabusinesstogether.
ItwasallIcoulddonottovaultoutofbed,crackopenmylaptop,andstarttypingupaplan.
Fuck.Ireallyneededtogetsomesleep.
Therewasonethingthatneverfailedtoquietmymind.Rollingtomyside,Iopenedthedrawerofmybedsidetableandpulledoutmyfavoritevibrator.
AnorgasmortwowasexactlywhatIneeded.ChapterEighteen
Luca
Luca
Iarrivedhomeearlierthanusual,hopingforaconversationwithSaoirsebeforeourtriptomorrow.Butthelightsdownstairswereoff,andthedenwasdark.Shemust’vegonetobedearly.
AsIclimbedthestairstothesecondlevel,Iheardnoisescomingfromherbedroom.
DistinctnoisesIrecognizedfromtheonetimeshe’dmadethemforme.
Registeringhermoansofpleasure,mybraindroppedoutandinstincttookthewheel.Charginguptherestofthestairs,Ipushedopenmywife’scrackeddoor,violencethrummingthroughmyveins.
ThesceneinfrontofmewasnotwhatI’dexpectedtosee.
Saoirsewasalone,herhoneyhairspreadoverhercrisp,whitepillowcase,legssplayedwide.Herhandswerefrozen,oneonherbreast,theotherholdingsomethingpinkinsideherslick,swollenpussy.
Ohshit.
Sheliftedherhead,hereyeslatchedontomine.“I’mbusy,Luca.Ifyou’renotgoingtohelpout,closethedoorwhenyouleave.”Herheadfellback,andhereyesclosed.Thosefrozenhandsofhersthawed,slowlyworkingoverherflesh.
Ishouldhavegone.Leftherbedroom,thecondo,thefuckingcity.
Instead,thesameinstinctsfrombeforepushedmeforwardtothearmchairinthecornerofherbedroom.Istraightenedmytieandtookaseat.
Myviewwasexquisite.Saoirse’slonglegsstretchedacrossthemattress,revealingthevibratorslidinginandoutofhersleeklittlepussy.Herhipsroseandfellwitheachthrust,softyeturgentcriesspillingfromherpartedlips.
Itcametoanabruptstopalltoosoon.Saoirsegroaned,yankingthevibratorfromherpussy,andjackknifedupright.
“You’redistractingme,Luca.Iwassoclosewhenyouwanderedin.”
“Don’tletmestopyou.”
Herglarewasfilledwithathousandsharpknives.Andtrouble.Fuckingtrouble.
“Fine.Iwon’tletyoustopme.”Shestoodfromthebedandpulledhertankoverherheadthenshimmiedoutofherpanties.Completelynaked,shestalkedovertomeandleaneddown,hertitsinmyface,herhandsbracedbesidemyhead.“Youwanttowatch,youcanhaveanupcloseandpersonalshow.”
Shespunaroundandparkedherbareassonmysuitedlap.Thenshefellagainstme,herbackaligningwithmychest
“Whatareyoudoing,prettygirl?”Myfingerscurledovertheendsofthearmsofthechair.“Askingfortrouble?”
Onelegdrapedovermyknee,thentheother,herfeetslidingdownmycalves.“No,I’monlyfinishingwhatyouinterrupted,andyoulookedlikeaniceplacetosit.”
Ah,Jesus.Thisgirlmighthavethebubblygirl-next-dooractdown,butshewasalittlevixenthroughandthrough.Sheknewexactlywhatshewasdoing.
“Farbeitfrommetodenyyouanything.”Idippedmyhead,bringingmymouthtothecrookofherneck.“Areyougoingtogetstarted,orareyoualltalk?”
Mylipsbrushedherskin,sendingshiversthroughherbodyandarushofbloodtomycock.
Headturned,hernoseandmouthwhisperedacrossmyjaw.“Onlyoneofusisalltalk—andit’snotme.”
Shedraggedherpalmdownhercenter,stoppingathercore.
“Touchyourself.Showmeyoudon’tneedme,”Iordered.
Herfingersslowlycircledherclit.“Mmm…Idon’tneedyouformorethanbeingmychair.”
Reachingup,shecuppedthebackofmyneck.“You’reaverycomfortablechair,exceptforthethick,hardcockpokingmyass.”
Releasingmyholdonthearmrest,Ilightlyslappedherinnerthigh.Shejumpedthengroundherasshardagainstme.Isuckedinabreath.“Lesstalkingandmoreridingyourhand.”
“You’renotinchargehere.”Hernailsscrapedmynape.“You’remychair.”
Inippedatherjaw.“Talk,talk,talk.Fuckyourself,bella.”
“Likethis?”Herkneesroseandshetiltedherhips,givingmeabetterviewofexactlywhatshewasdoing.Andwhatshewasdoingwasplungingtwofingersinsideherselfandslowlyslidingthembackout.
“Areyougoingtotellmethatsatisfiesyou?Twolittlefingers?”
Sheshookherhead.“No.Ineedsomethingthicker.”Sheshovedthreefingersinsideherself.“Yes,that’sbetter.That’sallIneed.”
Islappedherthighagain.“You’reindenial.”
Shepressedherassagainstmycock,grindingdownhardenoughtomakemeseestars.“I’mgoingtocome.Itdoesn’tmatterhowithappensorwhodoesit.Theendresultisthesame.”
Slap.
“Ithinkyou’rehavingmemoryproblems.Imeltedyouwithmytongue.”
“Comingiscoming,”shepanted.
Herhipswererockingwiththeslideofherfingers.Itwaslikegettingaprivatelapdancefromthehottestfuckingstripperonearth.Mydickpulsedbehindthezipperofmytrousers,whichwereundoubtedlystretchedoutbeyondrepair.Thenagain,shewassoakingthemwithherpussyjuices.They’dhavetogointheevidencebagalongwiththesheets.
Ididn’tgiveasingledamn.
Ittookallmyself-restraintnottotossherhandsasideandtakeover.Toshowherhowitwasreallydone.Butshewasbaitingme,andtherewasnowayI’drisetoit.Ifshewantedtogiveherselfasubparorgasm,shecoulddothat.
WebothknewwhatIcouldgiveherwould’vebeensomuchmoresatisfying,evenifshepretendedotherwise.
Herhuffsofbreathagainstmyneckbecameshorter,morerapid.Theflatplaneofherstomachclenchedandrippledasshegotcloser.Herlonglegsroseandfellwithherpleasure.
Asmaddeningasitwasnottotouchher,therewassomethingtobesaidforthisview.Saoirse’slong,leanbodyallstretchedoutalongmine,herfeetdiggingintothebacksofmycalves,nipplesturnedup,beggingforamouthtocoverthem.I’ddonealot,experiencedalmosttoomuch,butneveranythingthatcouldtouchhowviscerallyhotthiswas.Fullydressedinoneofmyfinestsuits,anaked,writhingwomaninmylapwhowantednothingfromme.
BeforeIcouldstopmyself,Icoveredherhandwithmine.Hermovementsstuttered,hermouthfallingopenagainstmyneck.
“Keepgoing,prettygirl,”Igrowledlow.“I’mridingthisoutwithyou.”
Theheelofherhandhithercliteachtimeshefuckedherfingers.Itrailedmyfingertipsalongherouterlipsanddowntothevalleyofherass,whichmadeherjerkandmoanintomyneck.
“Softestskin,moststubborngirl,”Imurmuredtoher.“Letmeseeyoucome.Showmehowgoodyoucangetyourselfoff.”
Likeshewasfollowingmycommand,herspinearched,andhercriesgrewhighandfrantic.Ipressedonherfingers,pushingherdeeperintoherpussy,whichearnedmeherassslammingdownmythrobbingcock.
“Luca,”sherasped.“Ohfuck.”
Nailsdugintomynapeassherodethewave,crestingoverandover.Hereyeswereslammedshut,herexpressionrapturous.Itwasgorgeousandinfuriating
Icouldn’tevenpinpointexactlywhyIwasangry.I’dhadblueballsbefore,andI’ddealt.I’dneverfeltlikepunchingaholeinthewallfromunmetneed.Thatwasn’twhatthiswas.
Therewasawordonthetipofmytongueforwheretheangerwascomingfrom,butifIacknowledgedIwasjealousIdidn’townSaoirse’sorgasms,I’dbeenteringdangerousterritory.
Afteraminuteortwo,herlimpbodyrelaxedinmylap.Shewithdrewherfingers,butwebothcuppedherbetweenherthighsuntilsheyawned.
“Mmm…IthinkIcangotosleepnow.Everything’squiet.”
“Goodidea.Wehaveanearlystart.”
Hereyesflutteredopen.“Youaregoingtoteaseme.”
Loweringmychin,Istareddownatherflushedfaceandswollen,pinklips.Itwouldn’ttakemuchtodropakissonthem.Theywerepracticallybeggingforit.
Iscoopedherintomyarmsandwalkedhertoherbedinstead.“Ithinkwe’vedoneenoughteasingtonight.”
Ilaidherdown,pullingthesheetsuptoherchin.Thesleepygirlshewassnuggledintoherpillowwithoutanyresistance,hereyelidsloweringtohalf-mast.
Iturnedaway,butshecaughtthebackofmytrousers,pullingmebackaround.
“I’mreallylookingforwardtoridingyourmotorcycletomorrow,”shemumbled.
“Yeah.”Igrazedhertemplewithmyknuckles.“Iamtoo.”
“Goodnight,Luca.”Eyesclosing,herlipstippedintoacontentedlittlegrin.
“Night,wife.”
EvenafterIfuckedmyfisttothoughtsofmywife,Ilayawakeandaloneinbed,nowherenearsettled.Anyothernight,Iwouldhavegottenup,goneforarideonmybikeorindulgedinotherpassions,butwehadalongridetomorrow.I’dtakechanceswithmyownlifebutnotwithSaoirse’s.So,Iforcedmyselfstill,closedmyeyes,andwaitedforsleeptocome.
IfI’dexpectedanythingtochangebetweenusovernight,Iwouldhavebeenwrong.Saoirse’schocolateeyeslitonmybike,andshewasallcoosandexcitement,runningherfingersovertheseatandbendingtocheckoutthechrome.
“Oh,it’spretty.”Shepressedherhandstogetherbeneathherchin.“Ididn’tknowyouhadthisone.”
WearingtheleatherjacketI’dgivenherthismorning,herlonglegsencasedinblackjeans,Saoirselookedlikeshebelongedonaposterhanginginthebackofamechanic’sshop.
Ipattedtheseat.“I’mborrowingitfortheweekend.It’sabetterridefortwopeople.Ifyouenduplikingit,I’llbuyoneforus.”
Rossibikeswereworksofart,soIappreciatedthewaySaoirsestrokedtheleatherstitchingandadmiredtheshapeofthehandlebars.
“It’sgorgeous.”Thelightinhereyesbrightened.“ButwhatifIwantoneofmyown?”
“Thenwe’llgetyouone.Clararideswhensheisn’tpregnant.You’llhavetotalktoheraboutwhatbiketochoose.”Foldingherhandinmine,Iyankedherclose.“Firststepistakingaridewithme.Youmighthateeverysecondofit.”
“I’vebeenonamotorcyclebefore,Luca.”
Mymouthflattened,displeased,thoughIhadnoideawhyI’dassumedshehadn’triddenamotorcyclebefore.She’dlivedtenlivesbeforewe’dmet.Ofcourseshe’dridden.
Anditfuckedmetohellthinkingofheronthebackofsomeoneelse’sbike.Nowaythey’dbeenascarefulastheyshould’vebeen.Shewasluckyshe’dcomeoutofitunscathed.
“Neverwithme.I’massumingnotonthisroute?”
Sheshookherhead.“Notinthiscountry.”
“Good.ThenIgetyourfirst.”
“Thatyoudo.Firsthusband,firstmotorcyclerideintheUS.”Sheshovedherhelmetonandperchedontheseat.Thevisorwasdown,soIcouldn’tseeher,butIimaginedshewasflutteringherlashesatme.
“Youreallyarealittlebrat,aren’tyou?”
Shenoddedherhelmetedhead.“Luckyyou.”
Despitethewarringpitinmystomach,Ifoundmyselflaughing.“Getonthebike,bella.Timetogetontheroad.”
TheridetoSugarBrush,Wyoming,wasexactlythekindIliked,outsidethecitywhereIcouldreallyopenupandletloose.Ofcourse,withSaoirsebehindme,Ididn’tletlooseasmuchasInormallywouldhave,butfromthelaughterringinginmyear,sheenjoyedeverybitofit.
I’dthoughtwe’dhavetostopatimeortwotogiveherabreak,butsheneversignaledforit,sowestayedontheroadstraightthrough.
Aswedrewclosertoherfamily’sranch,theterrainbecamerollinghillsandwide-openspaces.Soon,Ispottedcattleroamingevery-fucking-where,behindlowwirefences.Everyonceinawhile,Isawsomeoneridingthroughthefieldsonahorse,movingthecattlewherehewantedthemtobe.
Slowingtoacrawl,IpassedthroughtheentryofSugarBrushRiverRanchandveeredoffinthedirectionSaoirsepointeddowntheroadtoherfamily’shome.
Sincewe’dleftearly,itwasjustpastnoonwhenIrolledthebiketoastopinfrontofatwo-story,sprawlingloghome.Therewererockingchairsandtoysontheporchstretchingtheentirespanofthehouse.FlowersinthebedsandaminiatureATVparkedonthelawn
Iclimbedofffirst,helpingSaoirseoffnext,holdingherhipswhilesheregainedherbalance.Sheletherselfleanagainstme,herhandsonmychest.Ituggedoffmyhelmet,thenhers,revealinghergrinningface.
“I’mlearningtoride,”sheannounced.
“Youdidn’tlikeridingwithme?”
Shebouncedonhertoes.“Ilovedit.ButIwanttobeabletogowheneverIwant.CanI?Please.”
Pushingherhairbackfromherface,Ishookmyhead.Notindenial,butbecauseshehadherbottomlippushedoutinapoutanditwasfuckingadorable.
“ItoldyouI’dbuyyouone,Saoirse.Noneedtobringoutthebigguns.”Icurledmyarmaroundherwaist.“Now,areyoudonedelaying?Orareyoureadytofacethefiringsquad?”
Beforeshecouldanswer,thefrontdoorswungopen,andamassivemanfilledthedoorway.
Lookedlikeitwasnowornever.
Firingsquaditis.ChapterNineteen
Luca
Atfirstglance,anyonewouldassumeSaoirseandherbrother’swife,Elena,weretheoneswhowererelated.Bothwereonthetallside,thoughSaoirsebeatElenabyseveralinches,blondeandbeautiful.
ButwhereSaoirsewashoney,Elenawasice.
Saoirseworeleatheranddenim.Elena’sclothinglookeddesigner.
Saoirsewasdowntoearth,butElenawas…not.
Saoirse’sbrotherLachlan“Lock”Kelly,ontheotherhand,borenoobviousresemblancetohissister.Untilwewereshakinghandsandhelookedmesquareintheeye.Thesamechocolatebrownstaredbackatme.Thethree-year-oldgirlheheldinhistree-trunkarmhadthemtoo.
“Gooddrive?”Lockasked.
“Greatdrive.Wecameonthebike.Saoirsewasafan.”
Hegrunted.“She’salwaysbeenanadrenalinejunkie.Therewasatimeshewouldhaverunawaywithacircusifshecouldhavefoundone.”
“Stillwould.”Saoirsepluckedthelittlegirlfromherbrother’sarms,pokingherbelly.“HannahKelly,haveyougrownallthewayupsincethelasttimeIsawyou?”
“Yeah.I’mbiggerthanyou.”Hannahthrewherarmsintheairtodemonstratethisfact.
“Wow.”Saoirse’seyesrounded.“Soon,you’regoingtobebiggerthanDaddy.”
“I’mgonnabebiggerthanDaddy.”
AminiatureLocksidledover,wearingWranglersandaflannel.IknewfromSaoirsethiskidwasfiveyearsold,buthehadavalidpoint.Hewasn’tasbigasLock,buthewaswellonhiswaytobeingmassive.Heprobablydwarfedtheaverageten-year-old.
Elenaruffledherson’sdirty-blondhair.“Oh,joy.Youalreadyeatmeoutofhouseandhome.HowwillImanageifyougetasbigasDaddy?”
Thekidshruggedtheneyedmeupanddown.“Areyoubig?”
Ichuckled.“Uh,notasbigasyourdad.”
Hecrossedhisarmsandjuttedouthischin.“Iknow.”
Elenasighed.“Calebissomewhatdistraughtthathisfavoriteauntgotmarriedwithoutrunningitbyhimfirst.”
Lockgruntedagain.“Runsinthefamily.”
Nevertakinghiseyesoffme,CalebwalkedrightovertoSaoirseandthrewhisarmsaroundhermiddle.“MyAuntSershie.”
Saoirsehuggedhimback,laughing.“Don’tworry,Cay.Noone’stakingmeawayfromyou.”
“Hecan’t.He’snotbig,”Calebdeclared.
Iheldupmyhands.“IknowwhenI’mdefeated.”
Elenapointedtothebackofthehouse.“Sinceyou’regivingupyourwife,comehelpmewithlunch.We’llchat.”
ItwasthenIunderstoodthatalthoughLockwastheonewhocouldpummelmeintotomorrow,ElenawaswhoIneededtoimpress.Igotthesenseshedidn’tstandforbullshit.
IwasputtoworktakingdownplatesandgettingoutsilverwarewhileElenamadesandwichesandtalked.
“Letmegiveyouthedown-lowontheKellyfam.Connellisthesaltoftheearth.IfyoutreatSaoirseright,he’syourguy.ThedayImethimbackincollege,hebasicallytuckedmeinhispocketandtoldLachlanhe’dbestupidifhelostme.”Shewavedapeanutbutter-coveredknifeinmydirection.“Lachlanisn’taseasytoplease.Saoirsewentthroughsomeheavyshitwhenherparentsdivorced.Shegotstuckinthemiddleoftheirbombthrowing,sonaturally,myhusbandismoreprotectiveofherthanhemighthaveotherwisebeen.”
“I’mnotgoingtohurther.”ThatwasapromiseIfeltcomfortablemaking.I’dbegoodtoSaoirsewhilewewereinthisarrangement,andwhenitwasover,I’densureshewaswelltakencareof.
“Good.”Elenaturnedherbackonthesandwichestofaceme,crossingherarmsoverherchest.“Lily’satoughnut.Shehascertainideasofwhatherchildren’slivesshouldlooklike.Lachlanwasalwaysgoingtoworktheranch,soshegoeseasyonhim—onus.ButSaoirse’slifestyleisastickingpointforher.Lilywilleitherviewyourmarriageasanotherimpetuous,poorlythought-outdecision,orshe’llseeitasasignofstability.That’sdowntoyou.”
Ichuckled.Iwasbewilderedbythisbluntwoman.“Downtome?”
“Yes.Areyougoingtobealighthouseformysister-in-laworananchor?”
“Explainmychoices,andI’llanswer.”
“Alighthouseisabeacontofollowhome,tokeepshipssafefromcrashing,afocalpoint.Ontheotherhand,ananchorlocksashipinoneplaceandweighsitdown.”
“Interesting.Ialwaysconsideredanchorsagoodthing.”
Shetappedherchin,abrowraised.“NottosomeonelikeSaoirse.LilywasheranchoruntilSaoirsecutherselffree.Shedoesn’tneedanotherone.Alighthouse,ontheotherhand…”
“Ihavenointentionofchangingher.Iwouldn’thavemarriedherifIdidn’tappreciateexactlywhosheis.”
Thatwasastrueasmypromise.Icouldn’tthinkofasingleotherwomanIwouldhaveenteredintothismarriagewithbesidesSaoirse.Wedidn’tknoweachotheraswellasweshouldhave,butIknewinmybonesSaoirsewasexactlyashonestandforthcomingasshepresentedherselftobe.Shedidn’tabidebyartifice.Thereweren’tmanypeoplelikeher.Theideaofsquashingpartsofhertofitherintoaboxmademeuncomfortable,tosaytheleast.Itwasn’tsomethingIwouldeverbeinterestedindoing.
“Good.Keepbeingthelighthouse,Luca.”Unfoldingherarms,shebracedthembehindheronthecounter.“Itoldyouabouteveryoneelse.NowIneedtotellyouaboutme.Inmypastlife,Iwasanangry,meangirlwhowouldcutabitchforlookingatmewrong…andImeanthatliterally.Onoccasion,thatsideofmeslipsout.I’mtellingyourightnow,ifyouaren’twhoyouneedtobetogiveSaoirsethekindoflifeshedeserves,youdon’thavetoworryaboutmyfather-in-laworhusbandcomingforyou.It’llbemeonyourdoorstepwithmypinkbat—whichIamnotafraidtouse.”
Iblinked.Whatthefuck?Whowasthiswoman?
“Pinkbat?”
Shetossedhersilveryblondebraidbehindhershoulder.“Ohyeah.She’scute,butshepacksapowerfulswing.”Sheshrugged,hermouthcurvingintoapleasedlittlegrin.“I’mgladwehadthistalk.Now,fortheimportantquestion:grapeorstrawberryjelly?”
IwasseatedbetweenHannahandLock.Saoirsewasacrossfromme,betweenElenaandCaleb,whowasalternatingbetweenstaringdaggersatmeandrestinghisheadonSaoirse’sarm.
“I’vebeenbrushin’Athenaforyoueveryday,”hetoldher.
“Thankyou,honey.”Shesmoothedahandoverthetopofhishead.“Iknowshelovesalltheextraattentionfromyou.”
“Ibrushhertoo,”Hannahannounced
Calebgavehissisterasoftsmile.“Yeah,Hanniehelpsmetoo.Onlysometimes,though.Andsheputsbowsinherhair.”
HannahpattedmyarmuntilIlookeddownather.Shehadgrapejellysmearedalloverherroundface.“Thenalikesbows.”
“Ibetshedoes.Doyouwearbowstoo?”Hannah’shairwaslongandalmostthesameshadeashereyes,butitwasunadorned,tangledaroundhershoulders.
Elenacluckedhertongue.“Theanswerisno.She’sneverkeptabowinherhair.Notevenonce.It’satravesty.Mydaughterprefersmudinherhair.”
“Nexttimeyourparentscometovisit,Ineedpicturesofyouwhenyouwerelittle.”Lockeyedhiswifewithawarmththattelegraphedhisloveanddevotionforherwithoutsayingaword.“Can’twrapmymindaroundyouwearingbows,Ellie.”
Sheheldthesamewarmthforhim.“Well,Idid,andIwasincrediblyadorable.”
“Ihavenodoubt,”herumbled.
Hannahpattedmyarmagain.“Ireallylikemud.”
Lockleanedaroundmetocatchhisdaughter’seye.“Mudisfortheground.Andsometimesyourhands.”
Hannahshookherhead.“Notformyhead.”
“That’sright,babygirl.”Histonewasamixofpatienceandpride.“Wegetmessyenoughoutinthefields.Let’strynottodriveMamatoocrazy.Deal?”
Hannahnoddedsharply.“Deal.”Shegrinnedupatme.“I’mnotgonnaputmudinmyhair.”
“Ithinkthat’sagoodidea,Hannah.”Ipointedtoherfullplateoffood.“DoyoulikePB&Js?IusedtoeatthemallthetimewhenIwasakidassmallasyou.”
Calebsnorted.“You’restillassmallasHannah.”
“Cay,”Lockadmonished.“Yougottatakeiteasy,bud.MaybetrytogettoknowLucabeforeyouinsulthim.”
Calebnarrowedhiseyesonme.“Doyouevenhaveahouse?”
Inodded.“Ido.It’sonthetopofareallytallbuilding.Icanseemilesawaythroughmywindows.”
“Doyouhaveanytoysinyourhouse?”
“Idon’t,”Ianswered.“ButifyouguyscomevisityourAuntSershandme,I’llmakesuretohavesome.”
Saoirseshotmeanamusedlook.“Lucahasmotorcycles.Thosearehistoys.”
Caleb’sfacebrightened,thenhelookedatmeandreinedinhisexcitement.Thekidwasnotmyfan.“IhavemyownATV.OnlyIcandriveit.”
“IthinkIsawitparkedoutfront.”
Hepattedhischest.“That’smine.You’renotbigenoughforit.”
“Really?BecauseIwasthinkingI’mtoobigtofit.”Sure,Ishouldn’thavebeenarguingwithafive-year-old,buthewantedtotussle,sowe’dtussle.
Heshookhisheadhard.“Nope.Yourlegscan’tevenreachthepedals.”
Elenapushedhisplatetowardhim.“Allright,Caleb.Enoughgrandstanding.Timetoeatyourlunch.”
Hepickeduphissandwich,staringrightatme.“Yougottaeattooifyouwanttobebig.”
IpickedupmyownsandwichandtookthebiggestbiteIcould,neverbreakingeyecontact.Besidehim,Saoirsesnickered,clearlytakinggreatjoyinourinteraction.
Elenamovedtheconversationawayfromthekids,tellingusaboutupgradesgoingonintheresort.FromthecrashcourseSaoirsehadgivenme,IknewElenawastheheadofmarketingwhileLockstrictlyworkedontheranchsideofthings.Myworldhadalwaysbeenmotorcycles.Learningaboutotherbusinesseswasalwaysinterestingtome,especiallyonesthathadbeenhandeddownthroughseveralgenerationslikeours.
Inthemiddleofgrown-uptalk,Hannahtuggedonmysleeve.“What’sup,Hannah?”
Sheblinkedherbigbrowneyesatme.Itdidmyheadin,seeingSaoirse’seyesonthisadorablelittlegirl.Mademethinkthiswaswhatherdaughtermightlooklike.Ididn’tknowwhattodowiththefeelingsthatcamewiththatthough,soIshutthatpathdownandgavemyattentiontoHannah,whohadabombshelltodrop.
“Mymamahasababyinhertummy.”Shedidthelittlekidwhisperthatwasn’treallyawhisperatall.
Everyonewentstill.
ExceptforCalebofcourse.HeshookhisheadatmelikeIwastheonewho’dspilledthefamilysecret.
Jesus.Therewasnowinningwiththiskid.
IdippeddownclosertoHannah.“Ohyeah?Mysister,Clara,hasababyinhertummytoo.She’shavingalittlegirllikeyou.It’sprettycool.Don’tyouthinkso?”
Shenodded.“I’mgonnabeabigsister.I’llputbowsonthebaby.”
“Whatifit’saboy?”
Hermouthtwistedasshethoughtaboutit.“I’mgonnaputbluebowsonthatboy.”
“Makessense.Iseeyou’vegotallyourbasescovered.”
“Yep.Basescovered.”
Lockclearedhisthroatandaddressedhissister,whosecheekshadturnedpink,eyesglassy.“We’rehavinganotheroneinaboutsixmonths.”
Saoirseswipedhereyes.“Thisisthebestnews.”SheleanedoverandkissedCaleb’shead.“Moresweetheartsformetoloveon.Ican’twait.”
ElenareachedbehindhersontorubSaoirse’sback.“Ihadplannedtotellyou,butI’mnotsurprisedmychattylittlemissletitfly.Sofar,she’stoldtwogrocerystoreclerks,herpreschoolteacher,severalofherfriends’parents,andeveryonesheencountersontheranch.She’sonlyknownforthreedays,butshe’smanagedtotellhalfthestate.”
Saoirselaughed.“Tobefair,it’snotaverypopulatedstate.”ThenshewaggedherfingersatElena.“Nowyourtearsyesterdaymakesense.You’rehormonal.”
Elenarolledhereyes.“Ohgod,don’tcallmethat.Gross.I’mslightlymorepronetoeyeleakage,andthat’sallI’lladmitto.Besides,Ialwayspicturedyougettingmarriedontheranchlikewedid.Yourobbedmeofmychancetothrowyouabigwedding.”
Ihadtolaughtoo.“MyfatherclaimsIrobbedmymotherofthrowingusawedding.There’sareasonweeloped.”IwinkedatSaoirse,whowasrecoveringfromhertears.“Congratulationsonthenewonethat’scoming.Ilookforwardtoseeinghimorheradornedinbows.”
Elena’seyestwinkledatherdaughter.“Idon’tthinkwecouldstopherfromdoingitifwetried.”
“Sowewon’t,”Lockadded.
“HannieputsbowsonDaddy,”Calebannounced.
Saoirsecoveredhismouthwithherhand.“Allright,bud.That’senoughsecretspillingforoneday.”
Afterlunch,whichendedwithCalebessentiallychallengingmetoaduel,SaoirsetookmeonatourofthegroundsinacoveredATV.
“Yournephewhasitoutforme,”Itoldher.
“Well,he’sbeenmynumberonemansincebirth,soitmakessensehewantsyoudead.Heviewsyouastheusurperofhisposition.”Shepattedmyknee.“Justlethimtellyouhe’sbiggerthanyouandhe’lllethisgrudgego.”
“Asitis,I’mhalfwaytobeinggaslitintobelievingheisbiggerthanme.Thekidismasterful.”
Shesmiledasshedroveusoverrollingterrain,hershouldersrelaxingasthebreezecaughtherhair,blowingitawayfromherface.Wyomingsuitedher.Ormaybeitwasbeingaroundherfamily
Ifuckinglikedhowmuchsheunabashedlyadoredthemall.Hatedtosayit,butwiththewayshe’ddescribedherparents’breakup,I’dassumedtheentirefamilywasdysfunctional,butthatwasn’tthecaseatall.LockandElenaweredevotedtoeachotherandtheirkids.Sure,Calebwasonehellofagaslighter,buthewascool,andHannahwasanadorable,mellowlittlething.
“Areyoureadytomeetmydad?”sheasked.
“I’mready.I’dbesurprisedifhe’sanyscarierthanElena.”
Thatmadehergiggle.Itwaslightandairy.I’dneveronceheardherlaughthatway.Itmust’vebeentheWyomingeffect.
“Iguessyou’llhavetostickaroundandfindout.”
Iwasallinonthislie.MightaswelldigmyselfdeeperandmeetonemorepersonIwasgoingtowalkawayfromintheend.ChapterTwenty
Saoirse
ConnellKellydidn’tbelieveindaysoff.
Hehadn’talwaysbeenthatway.WhenIwasyounger,we’dspendweekendsasafamily.Oftentimes,mymotherwouldenduplockingherselfawayinherofficeandit’djustbeme,Lock,andmydad,who’dbeenasteady,unbendablepresenceinmylife…untilhewasn’t.
Ilovedhim.I’dneverunderstandhimbetrayinghismarriagevows.Ithadtakenmealong,longtimetoforgivehimforit,butIhad.
Butwherehe’doncebeenmyhero,now,hewasjustaman.Fallibleliketherestofus.
Now,heworkedtoohardtoavoidmakinganewlifefromthedustofhisoldone.
Wefoundhiminthehorsebarn,talkingtoacouplehandswhoworkedontheranch.AssoonasLucaandIentered,hefinishedupandstrodestraighttome,hisarmsopen,hissmilewide,wrappingmeupinahugthatcouldneverbeduplicated.
“Dad,”Isighedintohisembrace,allmytroublesfallingawayforthefleetingmomentsheheldme.Therewasnothingbetterthanahugfrommyfather.
“Sersh,baby.”Hepulledback,hishandscuppingmyshoulders.“Youdon’tlookanydifferent.”Hereachedformylefthand,examiningitclosely.“Ah,there’sthedifference.You’vegotabigrockaroundyourfinger,mygirl.Whatdoyouknow,whatdoyouknow.”
Iwiggledmyhandinhis.“I’mstillgettingusedtowearingit.”Ikissedhischeekthenturned,grabbingLuca’shandwithmyfreeone.“ThisisLuca.He’sbeenthroughtheCalebtreatment,somaybetakeiteasyonhim.”
Heletoutalaughthatwasonlyanechoofthehuge,boisterousonesfromyearsago.
“Luca,welcometoSugarBrush.Haveyoubeenonaranchbefore?”
TheyshookhandsasLucaanswered.“Thankyouforhavingme.Andno,Ihaven’t,butI’veheardI’mmissingout.”
“Idon’tknowaboutthat.”Dadchuckled.“FromthewayIhearit,you’vebeenlivingthehighlifeinDenver.Atleastuntilyoumetmydaughter.”
Ah,sohe’ddonealittleresearchintohisnewson-in-law.Probablynotfindingthemostflatteringpiecesofinfoeither.
Lucahookedhisarmaroundmywaist.“IlivedaverydifferentlifebeforeSaoirse,oneI’mnotashamedof—thoughIwishlikehellithadn’tbeendocumentedforanyonetoreadthebitsandpiecesthepresschosetopublish.”Hisfingerscurledaroundmyhip,lightlytappingapatternthere.Washeactuallynervous?Lucawasn’tonetofidget.
Icoveredmyhandwithhis.“Thankgodnoonefollowedmearoundinmyearlytwenties.IwouldhateforallmyadventurestobeontheinternetforanyonetoGoogle.”
Dadraisedhishands.“Pointtaken.Nofatherwantstoseehisnewson-in-lawpicturedwithallkindsofwomen,butnotmanyfathershavetheopportunitytoeasilytakeamicroscopetotheirnewson-in-law’spast.I’lltakewhatIlearnedatfacevalue—it’sinthepast,andSaoirseisyourpresentandfuture.”
“Idon’tgetacleanslatewithmanypeoplebecauseofwhoIam,butIappreciateyougivingmeone,Connell.”Lucaleanedforward.“Anddon’tworry,ElenahasalreadytoldmewhatwillhappenifImisstepwithSaoirse.”
Thatearnedagenuine,belly-deeplaughfrommydadandaworriedlookfromme.“Whatdidshesay?”
Lucagrinnedatme.“Therewassomethingaboutpinkbats.”
Dadlaughedagain.“Thatgirlisagifttotheworld.Don’tthinkshe’sbluffing,though.Sheisn’t.”
“Iabsolutelybelievedher.It’sfortunateI’llneverhurtSaoirse.”
Dadgavehimalong,consideringlook.“I’llbehonestandtellyouIwaspreparedtobepissedoffyoumarriedmydaughterwithoutgettingtoknowherfamilyfirst.Butthere’ssomethingaboutthetwoofyoutogetherthateasesmyworries.”Hecrossedhisarmsoverhischest.“I’mwillingtoreservejudgmentandseehowthisthinggoes.”
Lucagavemysidealittleshake.“That’sallIask.”
Dadraisedabrowatme.“Youstillhaven’ttoldyourmother?”
“No.I’mhopingIcangetawaywithaFaceTimecall.”Iheldupmycrossedfingers.“Thinkthat’llbeenough?”
“Notevenclose,kid,”herumbledatme.“Goodluckwiththat.”
Iblewoutaheavybreath.ThatwasachatIcouldn’tputoffmuchlongerbutdidn’twanttothinkabout,soIchangedthesubjectentirely.“Luca’sneverbeenonahorse.”
Dad’sheadswiveledfrommetoLuca.“Isthattrue?”
Lucanodded.“Itis.Notonpurpose.Ijusthaven’thadtheopportunity.”
HepattedLuca’sshoulder.“We’llhavetorectifythat.Youcan’tbemarriedtoaKellygirlandnotbeabletochaseherdownonahorse.Let’sgetyousaddledup.”
MyfatherandLucatalkedwhilehegaveLucaalessononthebasicsofriding.IspenttimewithAthena,notingwithpleasurehowwelltakencareofshewas.I’dhavetotellHannieandCaythey’dbeendoinganexcellentjobwithmygirl.
Eventhoughweaskedmydadtojoinusonaridearoundtheranch,hebeggedoff,sayinghehadtoomuchworktodo.Weallknewhewastryingtogiveusalonetime,whichIappreciated.Lucahadtobeoverwhelmed.Hewasbasicallyafishoutofwaterhere.
Thiswasalotforatemporaryhusbandtotakepartin.
Wemeanderedovertheacres.Athenawassuchasweetgirl.Shewouldpatientlywalkwithmeallday,neverstrainingtorun.Thatwasagoodthing,soDadandIchoseouroldboyBarneyforLuca.Barneydidn’tdoanythinginahurryanymore,buthelikedgettingoutandgoingforrides,pokinghismuzzleateverythinghesawalongtheway.
AndgoddammitifLucadidn’tlooksexyonoldBarney.Thoughitwashisfirsttime,therewasnothingclumsyabouthisride.InhisjeansandfittedT-shirt,thelowwindrufflinghishair,helookedlikeamoviecowboy.
Iblameditonspendingmyformativeyearsonaranch,butacowboywouldalways,alwaysdoitforme—evenmorethanamaninasuit.KnowingLucacouldpullbothofftoaTmadehimdoublydangerous.
Westoppedbesidethestreamthatranthroughourpropertyandhoppedoffthehorses.Lucarubbedhisbackside,givingmeafrown.
“Idon’tknowifIshouldbeinsultedyougavemeaseniorcitizenhorsetoride.”
“Don’tbeinsulted.”IglancedbackatLucaasIstartedforthestream.“He’sperfectforbeginnersandgetsalongwellwithAthena.”
Lucafollowedme,standingnexttomeatthebankofthestream.“It’sgorgeoushere.”
Isuckedinalungfulofthefreshestairintheworld.“Yeah.I’mgladyougottoseeit.”
“Metoo.”Heknockedhisarmintomine.“Doyouthinkyou’lleverlivehere?”
“Absolutelynot.Iloveithere,butIcouldneverlivesofaroutsideacity.Plus,myfamily—”
“They’regreat.”
“Yes,theyare.I’mlucky.Butthey’dalsosuffocatemewiththeirgreatness.I’mbetteratbeingmewhenIhavespace.”
“Ican’timagineyoueverhavingtroublebeingyourself.”
“Youknowwhatit’sliketobepartofafamilythat’salsoabusiness.Individualismisvalued,butit’shardtograspwhenyournamemeansalotofpeople’slivelihoods.”
“True.Ihadn’tconsideredyoufeelingthatsamepressure.
“We’renoRossiMotors,butthisranchisaprettybigdealaroundhere.”
“IgetthatnowthatI’mhere.”
Wewerequietaminute,thesoundsoftheranchouronlysoundtrack.ButI’dbeenwonderingsomethingsincethismorningandhadn’thadachancetoaskbetweenthemotorcyclerideandhangingwithmyfamily.Thiswasthefirstopportunity,soIseizedit.
Iroundedtofacehim.“CanIaskyousomething?”
“Ofcourse.Anything.”
“Wheredidthecondomsinmydrawergo?”
I’dthoughtaboutpackingsomeforthistrip…justincase.ButwhenI’dcheckedmytoydrawer,theboxI’ddefinitelystashedtherewasgone,thespotwherethey’dbeenempty.
Lucashrugged,shovinghisfingersthroughthesideofhishair.“WhywouldIknowanythingaboutthat?”
“Becauseyou’retheonlyonewhohasaccesstomybedroom.”Ipokedhisarm.“Didyoutakethem,Luca?Didyoufindyourselfneedingoneanddecidetostealthemfrommydrawer?Ijustcan’timaginewhyelseyou’d—”
Hecaughtmyhand,usingittotugmeagainsthischest.“WhywouldIneedacondom,Saoirse?I’mnotfuckingyou,whichyou’rewellawareof.”
Iletoutahuffofbreath.“Iknowyou’renot,soIcan’tthinkofanyotherreasonyou’dtakemycondomsotherthantousewithyourhookups.”
“Hookups?Whatexactlyareyouaccusingmeof?”
“I’mnotaccusingyouofanything.I’maskingyouwhyyoutookmycondoms.”
“TousewiththepurportedhookupsI’mhaving.”Hewrenchedhiseyesawayfromme,focusingsomewherefaroffinthedistance.“ItoldyouIwouldn’tdothat.Idon’tgobackonmypromises.”
“Okay.”Iswallowedhard,takenabackathisadamance.“Thentellmewhatyoudidwiththem.”
Hisjawrippledasheclenchedandunclenched,butherefusedtolookatme.“Tossedthem.”
Mybrowdropped.“But…why?”
“Doesn’tmatter.Youwantmore,I’llbuythemforyou.”
“They’dbeforyoutoo,so,sure,I’mupforthat.Butinthefu—”
Hisheadwhippedaround,andhishandflewuptocupmythroat.“Youstillwantthat?”
“Didn’tImakemyselfclearlastnight?”
Hisfaceclosedinonmine,ournosesalmostbrushing.“Whenyoutoldmeyoudidn’tneedme?”
“WhenIsatinyourlapnakedandteasedyou.”
Hishanddropped,andhestompedapaceortwoaway.“Fuck.”Hishandscameup,claspingbehindhishead.
Whilehedealtwithhisexistentialcrisis,Iploppedontheground,tookmyshoesandsocksoff,andwadedintothestream.Atthissection,itonlycameuptomylowercalves,butthecool,gentlybubblingwaterwastherefreshmentIneeded.Bendingatthewaist,Itrailedmyfingersoverthesurface,watchingsmallfishwigglealongwiththecurrent.
ThenextthingIknew,myarmswereinLuca’sgrip,andmybodywasbeingtuggedintohis.Hestaredatmeforamoment,suspendedintime,thenhismouthcoveredmine.
Iwhimperedinsurprise,andthatwasalltheopeningheneededtosweephistonguedeepintomymouth,curlingaround,injectinghistasteintome.Andhetastedgood.Fresh,clean,wanting.Ilickedathim,rememberingallthedetailsofourfirstnighttogether.
Thatturnedintomylaughingagainsthislips.
Hepulledback.“What’ssofunny?”
“Nothing.I’mjustthinkingwhatitwouldbeliketotellthegirlIwaswhenwefirstmetthatwithintwomonths,she’dbemarriedtoyou.”
“Wouldthatgirlhaverunifsheknew?”
Inippedathisbottomlip.“Idon’tthinkso.You’renotsobadtobemarriedto.”
Hepalmedmyass,jerkingmeagainsthim.“IwishI’dhadawarning.You’reanabsolutenightmare.”
“Hey,asshole,that’snotnice.”
Hetookmychininhisotherhand,staringatmewithdark,hardeyes.“Mycondosmellslikeyounow,sohalfthetimewhenI’mhome,I’mhard.Theotherhalf,I’mfindingreliefbyfuckingmyhandtomymemoriesofyou.DoyouthinkIenjoybeingaslavetomybody’sinfatuationwithyou?It’sinfuriating.”
“Ihavenoidea,Luca.Ibarelyeverseeyou,soIdon’tknowwhatyouenjoyorhowyoufeel.Ifthisisthereasonyou’rerarelyhome,thenwhydon’tyoudosomethingaboutit?”
Heslippedhisfingersintothebackofmyhair,fistingthickstrandshardenoughtotipmyheadback,thenhismouthcoveredmineagain.Histonguewasawhip,lashingbetweenmylipswithangerandfrustration,makingmemoanandmykneesweak.Hekneadedmyasswithbruisingstrength,keepingmybellyflushwiththethickbulgepressingbehind
Rockingintome,lickingme,squeezingmyflesh,wemadeoutwithourfeetinthestream,ourhorsesgrazingnearby,ranchlifegoingonaroundus.IfIthoughtaboutittoomuch,itwouldhavebeensurreal,butLucahadstolenmyabilitytolatchontoanythingcognizant.
God,thismancouldkiss.
Islippedmyhandsupthebackofhisshirt,spreadingwideoverhiswarm,smoothskin,andfeltmybonesmelting.Iletithappentoo,knowinghehadme.Mykneescouldhavegivenout,andLucawouldhaveheldmeupright.
Hislipstraileddownmythroat,suckingandlicking.Therewasnothinggentleaboutthewayhetastedme.Thismanwastakingoutthefrustrationhe’dbeenlivingwithinsilence,andeveryinchofmyskinhecouldreachwashistarget.
Hismouthlatchedontothecrookofmyneck,allteethandtongueandlips.Mytoescurledintothebedofthestream,eyesrollingback.Ohgod,thiswasdefinitelygoingtoleaveamark.
“Luca,”Ipanted,rakingmynailsintothemusclesalonghisspine.“Ican’tgobacktomydad’shousewithahickey.”
Ittookhimafewsecondstoeaseup,hislipsghostingovermythroat.“Prettysureit’stoolateforthat.Iwouldimagineit’snotthefirsttime.”
“Whatareyoutalkingabout?Iwasalwaysagoodgirl.”
Heslowlyraisedhishead,andIgotagoodlookathisblown-outpupils.“Nothingbadaboutahusbandandwifemakingoutinastream.”
Ishovedhimgently,buthekepthisholdonme.“Saysthemanwhodoesn’thavetofacedownhisfatherwithahickey.”
Releasingmyhair,hecarefullypulleditforwardsoitdrapedovermyshoulders.“There.Nowtheevidenceishidden.OnlyyouandIknowit’sthere.”
“Thankyou.”Itrailedmyfingersdownhisbackandbroughtthemtohissides,hookingintohisbeltloops.“Ithinkweshouldheadback.”
Hisgazedroppedtothesliverofspacebetweenus.“I’mgoingtoneedafewminutesbeforeIcangetbackonthathorse.Canyougetoutofmyeyesight?”
Alaughburstoutofme.“Ohshit.IguessridingBarneywon’tbetoocomfortablewithanerection.”
Heshuddered,slamminghiseyesshut.“Jesus,Saoirse.Don’tsayerection.Don’tevenacknowledgemycock’sexistence.I’malreadyburninguphere.Idon’tneedyoutofantheflames.”
“Allright.”Iremovedmyhandsfromhiswaistandtriedtotakeastepback,buthewasstillverymuchholdingmyass.“Youmightneedtoletgoofmetoo,Luca.”
Hegavemybuttanotherhardsqueeze,followedbyaquick,sharpslap.“Getoutofhere.”ChapterTwenty-one
Luca
Wetookcareofthehorses.Saoirsemademeshovelshit.Atfirst,IthoughtIwasbeinghazed,butthenshedidthesamethingwithoutawordofcomplaint,soIsuckeditupandtookcareofoldBarney’sstall
Asmyreward,Saoirseletmehand-feedhimsomesnowpeas.IwasdubiouswhenIwastoldtheywerehisfavoritetreat,butthatbig,oldmotherfuckergobbledthemrightoutofmyhandandsmiledatme,happyasaclam.
Iguessedhewascool.I’dsureashellenjoyedtakingarideonhim,evenifhewasslowasmolasses.Mypridedidn’tkeepmefromadmitting—butonlytomyself—Iwouldhavebeenassoverheelsonanythingfaster.
Bytheendofourtwoyearstogether,IwasdeterminedtomasterhorsebackridingsoIdidn’tgetstuckwiththehorsetheygavetosmallchildren.AndwhenSaoirsepointedoutRamses,Lock’sstallion,whowastwicethesizeofBarneyandlookedlikehecouldchompmyheadoffinasinglebite,Ibecameevenmoredetermined.
NooffensetoBarney,butIwantedabadasshorselikeLock’s.
“Ohno.”
IwhippedaroundtofindSaoirsestaringdownatherphoneinhorror.
“What?”Knucklesunderherchin,Idrewherfaceup.“Whathappened?”
“Mymother.”
Mystomachdropped.“Issheokay?”
“She’shere.”
“Here?Where?”
“Intown.She’sinSugarBrush,demandingwehavedinnerwithher,orshe’llcometotheranch.”Herhandshotout,clutchingmyarm.“Ican’tlethercometotheranch.Mydad…can’tbearoundher.He—”
“It’sfine,prettygirl.”Itookherhandinmine,angrytofindittrembling.ThiswomanhadscrewedSaoirseupsobadherverypresencemadehershake.“I’mherewithyou.We’llhavedinnerwithher.Iwon’tletyoudothisalone.Ipromisedyouthat,remember?”
Shenodded,hereyescloudedwithunshedtears.“Ijustreallydon’twanthertocomehere.”
“Shewon’t.Let’sgogetcleanedup.TellLockwhat’sgoingon.Warnyourdadifyoufeellikeyouhaveto.Keepitquietifyoudon’t.I’mwithyoueverystepoftheway.That’sourdeal,right?”
Ittookherasecondtorespond.Herchinquiveredevenassheraisedit.“Right.That’sourdeal.”
MainStreetofSugarBrush,Wyoming,lookedlikeithadsteppedoutofagreetingcard.Glass-frontmom-and-popshopslinedthestreet,withafewrestaurantsscatteredinbetween.Irolleddowntheroadonmybike,Saoirsewrappedtightlyaroundmyback.Shepointedoutthepubwhereweweremeetinghermom.
Joy’sElbowRoom.
Cute.Thewholetownwas.
I’dneverbeabletoliveinaplacethissmall,butinanotherlife,IcouldseemyselfspendinglongweekendsherewithSaoirse.Thatwouldneverbeus.Thiswaswhatwehad,soI’dtakeitandenjoythehelloutoftheentireSaoirseexperience.
Iparkedthebike,helpingSaoirseoff,asLockpulledinbesideus.Thesecondhissisterhadtoldhimtheirmotherwasintown,he’dtoldherhewascomingwithher.Elenaandthekidsstayedback,havingdinnerwithConnell.
Intheend,SaoirsehaddecidedtotellherdadLilywasintown.ThewayhewentfromopenandamiabletoshutteredandsilenttoldmeeverythingSaoirsehadsaidaboutherparentswastrue.Theywerebroken,andshehadtowitnessthecontinuedcrumblingofherfather.
Itstruckmedeeply.Iwonderedifherparentsevenunderstoodwhattheyhaddonetoher.Ididn’tthinkIknewatenthofhowfarherpainreached,butwithhershakinghandinmine,Isuspecteditwasallthewaytohercore.
Lockpattedhissister’sback.“It’llbeokay.We’lldealwithwhatevershehastosaythengohavesomeicecreambackhome.”
Shelistedtowardhim,herheadhittinghisshoulder.“Canweskipthisandgohomenow?”
“Nope.Gottafacethemusic,kid.”
IwouldhaverecognizedLilyasSaoirse’smotherwithoutanyonetellingme.Willowyandblonde,she’dpassedherlooksdowntoherdaughter.Shewasalreadyseatedataround,woodentablethatlookedlikeitbelongedonapirateship,andshewasn’talone.Aslim,baldingmaninanavysuitrosetohisfeetbesideherasweapproached.
Saoirseturnedherhead,speakinglowlytome.“That’sPeter,herchiefofstaff.”
“Helookslikeajackhole,”Imuttered.
“Heis.”
Isqueezedhernape,thenslidmyhandtothesmallofherback,remindingherIwaswithheralltheway.
LilypulledSaoirseandLockintostiffhugs—stiffonherchildren’spart,herembracewasfirmandfierce,whichtookmebysurprise.SheofferedmeawarmhandshakeandanintroductiontoPeterthatthankfullydidn’tinvolvetouching.Igotthevibethisguyhadperpetuallysweatyhands.
Weallsatandgotorderingoutoftheway.Saoirsestaredathermenublindly,soIhelpedherpickoutaburgerIthoughtshe’dlike.Iorderedherabeertoo.Sheneededsomethingtotaketheedgeoff,orshe’dburst.
“So…”Lilyfoldedherhandsonthetable,hergazetrailingfrommetoSaoirse,“I’dliketoknowwhyIhadtoreadaboutyourmarriageintheDenverTimes.Corasentmetheclipping,andIthoughtitwassomesortofpracticaljoke.”
IfoundSaoirse’shandunderthetableandbroughtittomythigh.Shewoveherfingersbetweenmineandsqueezed.
“Obviously,I’dplannedtotellyou,butthenewsgotoutbeforeweexpecteditto.I’msorryforthat.Itwasn’tintentional.”
“Yourmotherwasveryhurt,”Peterchimedin.
Lockglaredathim.“Whyishehere?”
Lilystraightenedhershoulders.“Idon’tliketravelingalone.Petervolunteeredtocomewithme.”
“Thatdoesn’tanswerwhyhe’ssittinghereatthistable.Thisdoesn’tinvolvehim.Saoirseshouldn’thavetorevealpersonalinformationinfrontofyouremployee,”Lockstated,histhickarmsfoldedoverhischest.
“Peterknowseverything.Inhisposition,hehasto,”Lilyanswered.
“Bullshit,”Lockuttered.
“Peterisn’tfamily,Mother.He’snothingmorethanaclinger,”Saoirsesaid.
Peterwentcrimsonfromhiscollartohisrecedinghairline.“Showsomerespect,younglady.Iknowthat’saforeignconcepttoyou.Allthatmattersis‘livingfree’orwhateveryoucallyourirresponsiblelife—”
Islammedmyhanddownonthetable,possiblydrawingmoreattentionthananyofuswanted,butIwaspastcaring.Thispieceofshitthoughthecouldsithere,disparagingSaoirse,andgetawaywithit?Hehadalottolearnaboutmeifhereallybelievedthat.
“That’senough.Iwillnotsithereandallowyoutospeaktomywifethatway.”Iflickedmygazetohermother.“Thisendsnow,orIamtakingmywifeoutofhere,andinthefuture,you’llhavetogothroughmetospeaktoher.Noonewilleverdisrespectherthatway.NotifIhaveanythingtosayaboutit.”
Saoirseslippedherhandfromminetopressonmychest,theothercurlingaroundthebackofmyshoulders.“It’sokay,”shewhisperednexttomyear.“I’mokay.”
Iturnedtoher,ournosesgrazing.“It’snotokay.Youdon’thavetoacceptthat.”
Shenodded.“Iknow,Iknow,it’sjusteasier—”
“No.”
LilymurmuredsomethingtoPeter,whothenshovedbackfromthetablewithadeepscowlonhisface.Hemarchedovertothebarontheothersideoftheroom,plantinghimselfwherehecouldwatchourtable.
Asshole.Iknewitatfirstsight.
“Youhavetofirethatguy,”Lockgrittedout.“He’sapieceofshit.”
“He’sgoodathisjob,”Lilysaidsoftly.“Butyou’reright,Ishouldn’thavebroughthimtodinner.I’msorry,Saoirse.Whathesaidwasrootedintruth,butthecruelwayhesaiditwasunacceptable.”
“Rootedintruth?”Ittookalotformyangertorise,butthesepeoplehadpressedalltherightbuttons.Iwasriled.“Excusemeforbeingblunt,butareyoufuckingkiddingme,Lily?You’retellingmeyouthinkyourdaughterisirresponsible…why?Doessheliveoffyourdime?Begforhelpfromanyone?Getherselfintrouble?Ordoesshesimplymakechoicesyouwouldn’t?”
Lockgrunted,whichItookasagreement.Saoirseremainedstiffandsilentbesideme.
Lilysighed.“I’msorrythisisthefirsttimewe’remeetingeachother,Luca.Neitherofusisbeingcastinthebestlight—”
“Neitherofyou?”Lockinterjected.“Sorry,Mom,butthat’sonyou.AsfarasI’veseen,allLucahasdoneisstandupforhiswife,asheshould.Ifyouwantthistocontinue,you’llhavetostartover.Otherwise,we’releaving.”
“Youcan’tleave.Iflewouthereforthis.”Sherubbedherlipstogether.“I’dliketoseemygrandchildrenwhileI’mhere.”
Lockchuffed.“We’llsee.Asofrightnow,that’snotgoingtohappen.”
“Oh.Well…”Lilypattedhercheek,hergazeflittingoverthethreeofus.“IthinkLachlanisright.Let’sstartfresh.IadmittobeingupsetI’mthelasttoknowaboutyourmarriageandstartedthismeetingoffonthewrongfoot.I’msorryforthewayPeterspoketoyou,Saoirse,andevenmoreso,thatIimpliedanythinghesaidwascorrect.”
“Itisn’tasurprise,”Saoirsesaid.
Hermother’slasheslowered.“That’sincrediblyunfortunate,butIknowit’smyfault.”Shegaveusbothatentativesmile.“Wouldyoubewillingtotellmeaboutyourengagementandwedding?”
Saoirsewasstillleaningagainstme,soItouchedmylipstohertempleandmurmurednexttoherear,“Anythingyouwant,prettygirl.”
Sheexhaledandslippedherhandbackintominebeforefacinghermother.“Lucahaspictures.Theweddingwasjustus,butitwasbeautiful.”
Saoirsewentontodescribetheceremony,andIfoundmyselflistening,hangingonhereveryword.Shewasn’tembellishinganything.Shetookhertimeexplainingthelittledetails,likethecolorofmysuit,howshe’dpickedherdress,theflowersshe’dcarried.Thesettingwasthehighlightofherstory.IpassedmyphonetoLilyforhertoscrollthroughthepicturesthejudgehadtaken.
Shesmiledasshelooked.“Thisisveryyou,Sersh.Youwereneverapoofydresskindofgirl—andneveronefortradition.”
“Theideaofapoofydressmakesmeitchy,”Saoirsesaid.“Wejustwantedtobemarried.Theceremonywasn’ttheimportantpart.”
Lilypassedthephonebacktomeandturnedtoherdaughter.“Alotofpeoplelosesightofthat.Theyplacetoomuchemphasisononedayandnotenoughonthelifetimethey’llbespendingwiththeotherperson.I’mhopingthetwoofyouspentenoughtimetogethertoreallyagreeonwhatyouwantyourlifetolooklike.”
“Wedid,”Iassuredher.“SaoirseandIarestilldiscoveringeachother.Ihopethatneverends.Butasfaraswhatourmarriagewillbe,we’reincompleteagreement.”
Lilysquaredhershoulders,lookingbackandforthbetweenus.“Youseemtohaveagoodheadonyourshoulders,Luca.AndwhileI’mcertainyoudidn’tcomehereneedingmyapproval,IhavetosayIlikethewayyouarewithmydaughter.”ShegaveLockasoftsmile.“Andhavingmysonsitbesideyoutellsmehelikesthewayyouaretoo.Hewouldn’tbehereifhedidn’t.”
Lockmadealowsound,whichItookasagreement.
“You’reright.Ididn’tcomehereseekingyourapproval.”Ileanedforward,ensuringIhadLily’sfullattention.“Itwouldbeniceformywifetohaveaneasierrelationshipwithyouwithouttheconstantpressureofhavingherchoicesquestioned.Ihopeyourworriesease,knowingshehasmyunwaveringsupport.Iftheydon’t,Ihopeyoufindawaytokeepthemtoyourself.”
“Well…”Lilystraightenedhersilverwarebeforeflickinghereyesbackuptomine,“IthinkI’vebeenproperlyputinmyplace.Iwouldlovetohaveaneasierrelationshipwithmydaughter.Withbothmykids.”
Thingscalmedbetweenthefourofusafterthat.LilyaskedaboutCalebandHannah,andLocktoldheraboutElena’spregnancy.Sheseemedgenuinelythrilled.
Icouldn’tgetareadonthiswoman.Ontheonehand,shemadeSaoirsestressedandworried.Butontheother,therewasobviousandgenuinelovecomingfromhertowardherchildren.
TheonethingIdidknowwasthenexttimeIsawmyownmother,shewasgettingabighugand“thankyou.”I’dneverappreciatedhermorethanIdidnow.
Whendinnerwasover,thecheckpaid,allofusmadeourwaytowardtheexit.Peterwaswaitingoutside,keepingasafedistance.
Hewasn’tacompleteidiot.Onlythree-quartersofone.
LilytookLock’shand.“CanIcomeouttoseethekidsinthemorningbeforemyflight?”
Hepushedhisshaggyhairoffhisface.“Idon’tthinkyoubeingattheranchisagoodidea.”
“Whynot?DidConnelltellyounottoletme?Becauseifhedid—”
“No,Mom.”Saoirse’shandswereballedintotightfists.“Dadwouldneverdothat,andyouknowit.Stoptryingtodrawusintowhateverdramaisstillhappeningbetweenthetwoofyouinyourmind.”
Lockclampeddownonhismother’sshoulderbeforeshecouldrespond.“We’llmeetyouattheparkinthemorning.I’lltextyouatime,”hesaidcalmly.
“Fine.”Lilysmoothedherpalmoverheralreadytidyhair.“WillIseeyoutoo,Saoirse?Luca?”
“No,”Ianswered.TherewasnochanceI’dletSaoirseputherselfthroughmorestresstomorrow.Tonighthadbeenenough.“Wehavetogetbackhome.We’llsaygoodbyenow.”
Everyonesaidtheirgoodbyes.IshookLily’shand,uninterestedinahug.Lockpattedmeontheshoulder,givingmealookthattoldmeheappreciatedmetakingcareofhissister.Inturn,Iappreciatedthehelloutofhimputtingtheirmotherinherplacewhenshe’dsteppedoutofline.ItpleasedmetoknowSaoirsehadpeoplewhowerewholeheartedlyonherside.Asofthisweekend,I’dputmyselfinthatcornertoo.
WhenIfinallygotSaoirsealonebymybike,Itookherfaceinmyhands.“Tellmewhatyouneed.”
Herlashesfluttered,fallingtohercheeks.“Takemeforalong,longride.”
“Yougotit,prettygirl.”Iplantedafirmkissonherforehead,thenhandedherherhelmet.Ineededthisridetoo.Maybeasbadlyasshedid.MybikewaswhereIstraightenedmythoughts.Workedoutproblems.Chosemynextstep
WithSaoirseatmyback,herarmstightaroundme,longlegspressedagainstmine,itwastheridethatmattered,andalloftherestfellaway.
Wedroveforatleastanhourbeforeturningaroundandheadingbacktotheranch.ItwaspastSaoirse’sbedtimewhenwearrived.Climbingoffthebike,shestumbledslightly,butIcaughtherbytheelbow,keepinghersteady.
“Tired?”Imurmured.
“Exhausted.”
Wewerestayinginherdad’shouse,whichhadbeenbuiltinasimilarlogcabinstyletoLockandElena’s.Thelightswereoff,sohemust’vebeenasleepalready.
Hewasagoodguy,butIwasrelievednottohavetodealwithanotherparenttonight.
OurroomwasonthesamefloorasConnell’s,sowewerecarefultobequiet.SaoirsedisappearedintothebathroomtogetreadyforbedwhileIstayedinthebedroom,shuckingoffmyshirtandchangingintopajamabottoms.Isettledonthebedwe’dbesharing,staringupattheceiling.
Thiswassupposedtobeconvenient.Asolutiontothenewfoundcomplexitiesinmylife.Buttherewasnothingconvenientaboutnavigatingfamily.Evenmine,whichwasprettydamnfunctional.
Weshouldn’thavegottenmarried.Thatmuchwasclear—andhadbeensincedayone.ButIwasinthisnow,andIdidn’ttakemycommitmentslightly.
I’dstickbymyvowsandpromises.
AndI’dhopenowthateverythingwasoutintheopen,thingswouldsmoothout,andIwouldn’thavetoputsomuchthoughtintothismarriage.Wecouldgoaboutourlivesaswe’dagreedtointhebeginning.Helpingeachotherwhenneeded,lighteningtheload.
Butevenwithallmyregrets,Icouldn’tsayIregrettedbeingherewithSaoirseorstandingbetweenherandhermother.It’dneededtohappen.
Thebathroomdooropened,andIsatup,readytotakemyturn,whenIgotalookatthewomanwhowalkedout.
She’dchangedoutofherjeansintoashort,flowynightgownwithstrapssothin,theywerebarelymorethanfloss
“Whatareyouwearing?”Ibarkedlowly.
Shestoppedinhertracks,pressingherfoldedclothestohermiddle.“Mypajamas.Why?”
“Isthatwhatyoualwaysweartobed?”
“Yes,Luca.Eitherthisorshortsandatank.WhyareyoulookingatmelikeIhavethreeheads?”
“Jesus,Saoirse.”Istrodeuptoher,tookhernapeinmyhand.“Ihavepatiencefordays,butthereisgoingtocomeatimewhenitsnaps.Youarestretchingitpaperthinbystandinginfrontofmeinlingerie,yournipplestryingtopokeaholeinthethinmaterialbarelylongenoughtocoveryourpussyandass,lookinglikeyouhavenoideawhateffectyouhaveonme.”
Herlipsparted,abreathylittlepantgustingout.IhadtoletgoofherandwalkawaybeforeIdidsomethingstupid.
Likefuckthehelloutofmywifeinherfather’shouse.ChapterTwenty-two
Saoirse
Lucathrewbackthesheetstoclimbintobedwithmeandcametoadeadstop.
“Whatisthis?”
IpattedthepillowsI’dpilednexttome.“Apillowwallforyourcomfort.”
Hisbrowcrinkledasherakedhiseyesoverme.“Youchanged.”
“Ihadsomeclothesinthedresser.Idon’twantyoutofeeluncomfortable.”
Ididn’tknowwhatI’dbeenthinkingwearingthatnightgown.Alongtimeago,Elenahadgottenmeinthehabitofwearingprettypajamas,butIshouldhavethoughtbeforepackingoneforthistrip.OfcourseLucawouldn’twanttoshareabedwithmewhenIwaswearingasilkslip.Tome,itwascomfortable.Tohim,itprobablylookedlikeIwastryingtoseducehim.
ThesweatpantsandT-shirtIhadputonfeltliketheywerestranglingmylegsanddrowningmytorso,butIcouldsuckitupforonenight.EspeciallyafterLucahadstoodbymysidewhilemymotherchosetoputherworstfootforward.
Lucapickedupthepillowsonebyoneandtossedthemaside,thenclimbedintobed,rollingontohissidetofaceme.
“Youdidn’tmakemeuncomfortable,Saoirse.Youmademydickhard.”HepluckedthehemofmylooseT-shirt.“Thisdoesn’thelp.”
Ishiftedtomysidetoo.Therewasstillagoodamountofmattressbetweenus.“Icantakecareofitforyou.”Reachingout,Ilaidmyhandonhisside,justabovethewaistbandofhissleeppants.“Doyouwantmetotouchyou?Suckyou?”
Hecaughtmyhand,pullingituptohischest.“You’rekillingme.”
“I’mtryingtomakeitbetter.”
“Iknowyouare,prettygirl.AndIwantallthosethings.Iwanttofuckthehelloutofyouuntilwe’rebothsore.ButthereisnowayIamgoingtodothatwithyourfathersleepingrightdownthehall.Ineedtobeabletomakeyouscream,andthatisnotgoingtohappenhere.”
Hiswordsmademedizzy,sendingbloodstraighttomycore.Scissoringmylegsbackandforth,Iwasalltooawareoftheslicknessbetweenmyfolds.
“Areyoutryingtokillmetoo?”Ichokedout.
Hehuffed,hisheadfallingforwardtoourclaspedhands.“IfIhavetodie,I’mnotgoingalone.”Hisfreehandshotout,givingmybuttasmack.“GotosleepsoI’mnottemptedtodefileyouinyourfather’shouse.”
“Youcan’tsayfilthythingstome,spankmyass,andexpectmetofallasleep.”
“ThatisexactlywhatIexpect,sleepygirl.You’vehadalong,toughday.IsawyourtiredeyesbeforeIcommentedonyourpajamas.You’rewrecked.It’stimeforyoutoshutitalloffandrest.”
“You’vehadalong,toughdaytoo.Areyougoingtoshutitalloff?”
“Eventually.”Heswattedmybuttagain.“Gotosleep.”
Igrinnedinthedark.“Fine.Youhavetoletgoofmyhandfirst.”
Heshoveditbackatme.“Getoutofhere.”
Laughingsoftly,Iflippedtomyotherside,givinghimmyback.Amomentlater,theblanketswerepulleduptomyshouldersandtuckedaroundme.Isettleddowninthewarmbed,smilingtomyselfatthesweetnessoftheact,theday,whichhadbeenmostlygood,thehouseIloved,theranchthatrefueledmewhenIvisited.Soon,IwassoheavyIhadnochoicebuttofall.
Sometimeinthenight,Iwokewarmerthanusual.Awarenesscreptovermelittlebylittle.Thesoundofbreathingbehindme.Abig,hardbodyagainstmyback.Thearmbandedfirmlyaroundmymiddle.Luca’slegstangledwithmine.
IknewLuca’ssecret.Hewasacuddler.
Closingmyeyesagain,Isnuggledevencloserandfellbackintoadreamless,peacefulsleep.
WhenIwokeagain,itwasmorning,andIwasaloneinbed.Lightdriftedfrombeneaththebathroomdoor.ThatandthesoundoftheshowerrunningtoldmewhereLucawas.
Heemergedminuteslater,onlywearingapairofjeans,thetopbuttonunsnapped.MymouthwentdryasIwatchedhimstrideacrosstheroomtohisbag.
Hestoppedsuddenly,turningtowardthebed,andfoundmewatching.Thecornersofhismouthcurved.
“Iwokeuptomycocktryingtodigaholethroughmypantsandyours.”
Ilaughedandsatup,swingingmyfeettothefloor.“That’sbecauseyouspenthalfthenightcuddlingme.”
Hishandswenttohiships,providinganeroticframeofhislow-slungjeansandtheVofmusclethatdisappearedbeneaththem.Afewmoreinchesandthingswouldhavegottenevenmoreinteresting.
“Youdon’tknowthat.”
Standinguptostretch,Ishrugged.“Ido.Iwokeuptoyouholdingmeinyoursleep.”
“Thatdoesn’tsoundlikeme.”Hedraggedhishandoverhismouth.“Youdidn’tpushmyassoffthebed?”
“WhywouldI?Ilikedit.”Passingbyhim,Igavehisshoulderabump.“Youshouldhavewokenmeupwiththecockproblem.Iwouldn’thavebeenoffended.”
Hisjawwenttight.“Gotakeashower.Weneedtogetontheroad.”
Lucazippedtheleatherjackethe’dgivenmeuptomychinandsmoothedhishandsdownmyfrontbeforehandingmemyhelmet.He’dbeenbroodyallmorning,rushingmewhilekeepinghisdistance.Wesaidquickgoodbyestomyfamily,andnowwewereabouttospendfourhourswithourbodiespressedtogether.
Itwasgoingtobearoughride.
Assoonasheslunghislegoverthebike,hegrabbedmyhandsandyankedmeagainsthisbackwithoutsayingaword.Thatonemovehopelesslysoakedmypanties,andIgroanedintohisear.
Herevvedtheengineonce,thenreachedbehindmeandslappedmyass.
Oh,yeah,he’ddefinitelyheardthat
AtleastIwasn’tgoingtobetheonlyoneuncomfortable.
Lucastartedontheroad,butwhenhereachedtheforkthatwouldtakeustothehighway,heturnedtowarddowntowninstead.Withinminutes,hewastakingasharpturnintothelittletravellodgebesideJoy’sElbowRoom.
Tearingoffhishelmet,hejabbedafingeratme.“Stayrightthere.”
Thenhemarchedintothefrontoffice
Unsureofwhatwashappening,Itookoffmyhelmetandclimbedoffthemotorcycle,standingbesideit.Throughthewindowoftheoffice,IwatchedLucapushcashacrossthecounter,signapaper,thentheclerkhandedhimakey.
Thefirstfluttersofanticipationcrowdedmybelly.
Therewasonlyonereasonhe’drentamotelroom.
AndIwasallin.
Lucastrodeoutoftheoffice,hishandreachingouttome.Leavingthebikebehind,Iwenttohim,lettinghimguidemetoroom108.
Assoonasthedoorwasunlocked,heshovedmeinside,kickeditclosed,andshruggedoutofhisjacket.
“Clothesoff,”hebarked.
Evenwithhisharshorder,hecarefullyunzippedmyjacketandslippeditoffmyshoulders,throwingitontopofhis.
Neitherofuswascarefulafterthat.Somethingsnapped.Wewereaflurryofmovement,tossingclothesaside,kickingoffshoes,rippingawayeverythinguntilwewereallskin.
Lucawasonme,grippingmynapetospinmeawayfromhimandlatchingontomythroat.Hepushedmeintothedresser,whichwaswaistheight,andbentmesomychestlayacrossthetop.
Thenextmoment,hismouthwasonmypussy,eatingmesohungrilyIcouldn’thavestoppedthebone-deepcrythatescapedifI’dtried.
Hisfingersdugintomythighs,keepingthemapartashefuckedmewithhistongue.Heatemypussyandass,hislipsandteethleavingnopartofmeuntouched.Thenhisfingersjoined,thrustingintomedeepandhard.
AllIcoulddowasgripthesidesofthedresserandlethimhavecontroloverme,whatwedid,everything.HisholdwassofirmandunyieldingIcouldn’tevengrindagainsthim.Ihadtotakewhathegaveme.
ThankeverythingholyLucawasagiver.
Hehadmebonelessandcominginminutes.Thesoundshecoaxedoutofmewereanimalisticandcompletelyforeign.Ihadnevergrowledandwhinedonceinmylife,butitslippedfrommenaturallywiththismanplowinghistonguebetweenmythighs.
“Please,Luca.”
Hislipswereonthejuncturebetweenmyassandthigh,suckinghardandnibblingsoftly.Whenhefinished,helickedalinefollowingthecurveofmyass,thenherosebehindme,bendingovermysprawledtorsotobringhismouthbesidemyear.
“Please,what,prettygirl?”
Iwiggledmyhipsagainsthim,finallyabletomove,ifonlyalittle.“Ineedyou.”
Hischucklewasgrittyandtaunting.“Youadmittoneedingme?”
“Yes.Ido.AndIwantyouevenmore.”
Hisforeheadfelltomyshoulderblade.“Fuck.Youcan’tsaythattomeifyouwantmetolast.”
“Idon’tcarehowlongyoulastaslongasIgettofeelyouinsideme.”
“That’sit.”Hisweightliftedoffme,fingerscurlingaroundmyhips,yankingmeintohispelvis.Ispreadmylegswithoutbeingtold,givinghimallthespaceheneeded.
OnewarningwasallIgot.Theheadofhiscockalignedwithmyentranceforafleetingbeatbeforeheslammedallthewayin,knockingmyhipbonesintotheedgeofthedresserandrobbingmeofbreath.
Myheadrearedback,eyesflyingwide,andthatwaswhenIspottedthemirroredclosetfacingus,givingmeaperfectviewofLuca’stightlymuscledbodydominatingmine.
Andthatwaswhathewasdoing.Mywillwashis.Mypleasureathiscommand.Heheldmehowhewanted,thrustingintomewithaforcethatwouldhavebeenblindingifIhadn’tbeensofuckingenchantedbyourreflection.
Histeethcapturedhisbottomlip.Hiseyeswereonme,onthespacewherewewerejoined.Itwasheadyknowingthat,withoutadoubt,thefocusofhisconcentrationwassolelyonme.HewatchedhimselfpumphisthickcockintomeoverandoverwhileIwatchedtheeffectithadonhim.
“I’vebeenwalkingaroundhardforyousinceyouruinedmysheets.”Heslidhispalmalongmyspineandtrailedbackdowntomyass,spreadingmewithhisfingers.
“There’sonlysomuchIcantake,Saoirse.Myhomesmellslikeyou.NowI’mgonnaridemybikewithmemoriesofyourbodywrappedaroundmine.You’reeverywhere.”
“You’reeverywhereformetoo,”Ipanted.“IthinkaboutyouwhenImakemyselfcome.”
“Good.Ifyouthinkaboutanyoneelse,I’llkillthem.”
Igrinnedindelirium.Thismanwasoutofhismind.“Whatifthey’refamous?”
Hesmackedmyass.“Don’tplaywithme.NotwhenI’minsideyou.”
Iarchedmyassandmoanedashesmackedmeagain.“ButwhatifIreally,reallylikesparklyvampires?”
Thegrowlheletoutwasferal.“Ilookgoodinfangs.”
“You’recrazy.”
Smack.“Youmademethisway.Littlesilkynightgown.I’mneversleepingagain,knowingyou’renextdoortomewearingthat.Christ,Saoirse.You’reinvadingme.”
Myskinwascoatedinperspiration,slippingandslidingovertheshinywoodentopofthedresser.Iscrabbledtokeephold,tofindpurchase,finallyslammingmypalmsdownandpushingback,meetinghisthrusts.
“Ifeelyousqueezingme,tryingtogetmetoloseit.You’regoingtogetyourwishifyou’renotcareful.”
Withthat,IcircledmyhipsaswellasIcouldinthisposition,tearingagroanfromdeepwithinhischest.IfIthoughthe’dbeenfuckingmehardbefore,I’dbeendelusional.
I’dsethimoff.Unleashedhim.Hedrilledintome,slammingmeintothedresseroverandover.Inthebackofmymind,IwasawareI’dbebruisedandsorelater,butdeargod,itwouldbeworthit.
Myinnerwallsclampedaroundhim,soclosetotheedge,Icouldn’tstopmyeyesfromclosing,losingtheintoxicatingreflection.Momentslater,IlostLucatoo.
Hepulledoutofme,thenhisfingerstangledinmyhair,yankingmeupright.Hiscockwaswedgedtightlybetweenmycheeksasheruttedandgruntedintomyear,louderandlouder,untilwarmthspilledonmyskininspurts.Luca’smouthclampedontomyshoulder,bitingdownonthemusclewhilehecameandcameonme.
Jerkinghishipsback,heslidhisfingersdownmycrack,overmyslickfolds,tomythrobbingclit.Hisfingertipscircledandhistonguelappedatthesorespothe’dleftonmyshoulder.
ThatwasallittookformetofindtheorgasmIthoughtI’dlost.Myheadfellforward,cryinghisnameonalong,breathymoan.
Slowly,Luca’sarmsshiftedtowraparoundme,holdingmeflushwithhischest.Icoveredonehandwithmine,theotherbracedonthedresser,nottrustingmykneestoholdmeupontheirown.
Luca’slipstouchedmytemple,andhetuckedhisfacebesidemine.“Ihavetoaskyousomething.”
Thatsoundedsomewhatominous.Itippedmyheadbacktoseehim.“Whatisit?”
“DidIsayshitaboutbeingavampire?”
“Youdid.Nexttime,Iexpectyoutowearfangs.”
Heexhaled,hisheadfallingagainstmine.“Can’tdoit.Nexttimeisgoingtohappeninaboutfiveminutes,andI’mnotwillingtoleavethisroomnakedinordertohuntdownapairoffangs.”
Mypussyclenched.“Fiveminutes?”
“Mmhmm.”
Lucaliftedmeoffmyfeet,carryingmetotheshower.
Hedidn’tmakegoodonhispromise.
Itwasmorelikesixminutes.ChapterTwenty-three
Luca
SaoirsehissedwhenIhelpedheroffthemotorcycle,cuppingherselfbetweenherthighs.TheridebacktoDenverhadn’tbeenassmoothastheoneoutoftown.We’dstoppedtwicetogiveherabreak,butshewasstillaching.
Ididn’tlikeseeingherhurting.Notwhenitwasmyfaultforbeingafuckinganimalwithher.Icouldn’tfeelguiltyforthat.Itwasmytimingthatneededalotofwork.“I’msorry,prettygirl.Iwaswaytoohardonyoubeforegoingonalongride.”
Sheshookherhead.“Ilikeditthough.”
“Iwasrightthere.Iknowyoudid.Ihavetheclawmarksonmybacktoproveit.”
“Shutup,Luca.”Shebunchedthefrontofmyjacketinherfist.“It’sokay.I’lllive.Imightneedabreakfromthemotorcycleforalittlewhile,butotherthanthat—”
ShesquealedwhenIswoopedherupinmyarmsandheadedtowardtheelevator
“You’recarryingme.Whyareyoucarryingme?”
“Shhh.”Steppingintotheelevator,Ipunchedthebuttontoourfloor.“Letmedoit.Ineedtodosomething.”
“Okay.I’mguessingthisisyoubeingsweet.”Shepattedmycheek.“Thankyouforcarryingme.”
“Youlikethis?”Imovedmyhandtopalmherass,givingitasqueeze.
Hereyesflared.“IlikeditwhenIthoughtyouwerebeingsweet.Nowit’sclearyouwerejustlookingforanexcusetofeelmeup.”
“Idon’tneedanexcuse.”
Anhourlater,we’dunpacked,I’dgonethroughsomeoftheemailsI’dneglectedwhilewewereaway,andSaoirsehadshowered.Shepaddedintotheden,whereIwassittingwithmylaptoponthesectional,ploppingdownacushionaway.
“Ihaven’tthankedyouforthewayyoustoodupformeyesterday.”
Iclickedthelaptopclosed,settingitaside.“Itwaspartofouragreement.”
“I’mnotsureyouknewwhatyouweregettingintowhenyouagreed,though.Mymotherisintenseandhardtohandle.So,thankyou,Luca.Itmeantalottome.”
“Idon’twantyouthankingmefordoingtherightthing.”
Shefoldedherarmsoverherchest.“Well,Iam.Whatareyougoingtodoaboutit?”
Iranmygazeoverherlonglegsandexposedmidriff.Herdamphairwovenintoabraid.Thenewfrecklesonhercheeksfromallthetimewespentoutsideontheranch.
Shemademyplacelookgood.
“Areyouspoilingforafight?”
“Maybe.I’mfeelingalittlevulnerablefromthattrip.Lashingoutatyouseemslikeagoodidearightnow.”
Leaningover,Islidmyhandunderherknees,twistingherbodysidewayssoherfeetwereonmylap.Theyweresoft,hertoespaintedpalepink,prettylikeeveryotherpartofher.Itooktheminmyhands,rubbingthetopsandsoles.
“NolashingwhenI’mgivingyouafootmassage,”Isaid.“Tellmewhyshe’slikethat.”
Sheblewoutalongbreathandwiggledhertoes.“She’salwaysbeenthatway.Exacting.Butwhensheandmydadweretogether,shewassofter.WhenIwantedtotakebellydancinglessonsinsteadofballet,shestartedtogetpissed,butmydadwrappedhisarmsaroundher,kissedhercheek,andsaid,‘Comeon,Lil.Everyonedoesballet.Ourgirlhastodanceherownrhythm.’Thatwasallittook.Asnuggle,akiss,andsomesoftwords,andshewasgivingin.”
Ishookmyhead.“Theyreallylovedeachother.”
“Yeah.Butitwasn’tenoughtosurmounttheirfundamentaldifferences.Mydadbentforheruntilhecouldn’tanymore.Thenhedidtheunforgivablething,andmymotherhasneverbeenthesame.Neitherofthemhasbeen.”
Ipushedthepadofmythumbdownthecenterofherarch,andhereyelidsflutteredclosedonasigh.
“How’dbellydancinggo?”Iasked.
Hereyesstayedclosed,buthermouthliftedintoagrin.“Awful.Iwasterribleanddroppedoutafterthreeclasses.”
“Damn.Iwaslookingforwardtoademonstration.”
Herfeetvibratedinmyhandsasshegiggled.“Ifyouwanttowitnesstheleastsexythingyou’veeverseen,Icanmakethathappen.Istillrememberacouplemoves.”
“Ifindithardtobelieveanythingyoudoisn’tsexy.”
Hereyesopenedandlandedonme.“Thatisquitethecompliment,Luca.I’mnotgoingtolistalltheunsexythingsIdotoconvinceyouotherwise.”
Idugmythumbdeepintoherfoot.“Thankyouforthat.”
Withayelp,shestoleherfeetfrommylap,tuckingthembeneathher.“Thatwaswaytoohard,butthisisnice.Weneverdothis.”
Ikickedmylegsout,restingmyfeetontheottoman.“What?”
“Youknow,hangout.You’reeitheratworkordisappearingtoyourmysterylocations.”
“You’reright.Myscheduleishectic.We’reintheinitialphaseofaninternalaudit.I’vebeenvettinganewcompanysincemyfatherhasusedthesameoneforhisentiretenure,andClaraandIfeltweshouldbringinsomeonenew.Thentherearethecountlessmeetings,videoconferences,emailstoreturn.Itleachesmostofmytimeandenergy.”
“That’sunderstandable.Idon’tfaultyouforthat.Idon’treallyknowwhatlifewaslikebeforeyoutookoverasCEO,butIgetthesenseitwasnothinglikethis.”
“Youhavenoidea.”
“You’reright.Idon’t.Thisisthemostyou’vetoldmeaboutanything,includingwhat’sgoingonwithyoucurrently.”
Imethercuriousgaze.“Idon’tkeepsecrets,Saoirse.You’veneveraskedmewhereIgoatnight.”
Nodding,sheswallowedhard.“Thenightafterourwedding,Ifellasleepinhere.Youcameinandpickedmeup.”
“Iremember.”
“Youcamehomefreshlyshowered.”
“DidI?”ThethingsIrememberedhadtodowithher.Theflowerinherhair.Herdress.Theringshegaveme.WhatIdidandwhereIwentwereonlyvaguememoriesI’dstoredawayinthebackofmymind.
“Youknowyoudid.Andsinceyougotothegyminthemorning,ImadeassumptionsIdidn’twanttohaveconfirmed.Idon’taskbecauseIdon’twantyoutosayit.”
Irearedback,reallytakingherin.Ididn’tlikewhatshewasaccusingmeofwhenI’dexplicitlytoldhermorethanonceIwasn’tfuckingaround.Morethanthat,itgnawedatmethatshethoughtthatwasexactlywhatIwasdoingbuthadn’tcalledmeoutonit.
“YoutrulybelieveI’moutallnightfucking,yetyouletmeinsideyouwithoutacondom?Makethatmakesense,Saoirse.”
Thebackofherhandhitherforehead.“Idon’tthinkeitherofuswerethinkingclearlywhenthathappened.Obviously,weshouldn’tdothatagain—”
“Oh,we’redoingitagain.”Ishottomyfeet,holdingmyhandouttoher.Shedidn’ttakeit.“Comehere.”
“I’drathernot.”
“Ifyoudon’t,I’llpickyourstubbornlittleassup.”Ishookmyhand.“Comehere.”
Withasigh,sheslippedherhandintomine,andIyankedherupright.Takingherbythehips,Ibroughtherclosertome.
“Youneedtounderstandme.Idon’tkeepsecrets,andIdon’tlie.Ifyouaskmeanything,Iwilltellyouthetruth.Soaskme.”
Herlashesweredark,exceptforthetips,whichweresoblonde,theywerealmostclear.Sheusuallyworemakeup,soIhadn’tnoticeduntilnow,lookingatherupclose.
“Doyoutakeashowersoyoudon’tcomehomesmellinglikesex?”
“No.”
Herexhalewaslight,driftingbetweenus.“Wheredoyougo,Luca?”
“Doyouwantmetoshowyou?”
Hermouthpressedintoahardline,andforasecond,Ithoughtshe’ddenyme,butfinally,shenoddedonce.
So,Itookherhandandwalkedtotheentry.Igrabbedherflip-flopsandmyunlacedboots,thenwelefttheapartment,ridingtheelevatoronefloordown
Iunlockedthedoortomyotherapartmentandpusheditopen.Saoirsehesitatedbesideme.
“Comeon.Nothing’sgoingtohurtyou.”Igaveherhandatug,andafteranotherbeatofhesitation,sheletmepullherin,andIflickedonthelights.
“ThisiswhereIspendmytime.Mystudio.”
Withhermouthshapedlikeaprettylittleo,Saoirsedidaslowspin,takingitallin.
WhenIboughtthepenthouseacoupleyearsago,Ialsoboughttheone-bedroombelowitandguttedittothestuds.Now,itwascompletelysoundproof,withasmall,utilitariankitchenusedforcleaningmysuppliesmorethanmakingmeals.Thebedroomhadbeenmadesmallerandlinedwithshelving,whereIstoredtools,materials,andcanvases.
“Thesculpturesinyourlivingroom,”shewhispered.
Inodded.“They’remine.Imadethem.”
Iletherweavearoundmystudio,bendingtocheckeverythingout,stoppingtostudycompletedpieces.Shetookhertime,andIwatched.
Noneofthiswasasecretfromthepeoplewhowerepartofmyinnercircle.Myfriendshadmypiecesintheirhomes.Myparentsandsistertoo.I’dbeencreatingartsinceIcouldstandandhadbeensellingapiecehereandthereunderapseudonymsinceadulthood.
Butnooneelsehadeverenteredthisspace.Saoirsewasthefirst.Shewasseeingapartofmenooneelsehad.Theuncomfortablesquirminginmychesttookmebysurprise.I’dthoughtI’dshowher,layhercuriositytorest,andthatwouldbethat.ButasIwaitedforhertoreact,Iunderstoodwhyshe’dwantedtolashoutwhenI’daskedabouthermother.
Withoutthinking,I’dmadeheroneofmyinnercircle.Shenowheldapartofmeonlyafewdid.
Thatmademevulnerabletoher.
AfactIfoundIdidnotlike.
Saoirsespunonhertoes,facingme.“Ican’tbelievethis.”
“Whatcan’tyoubelieve?”
Shestrodeacrosstheroom,andassoonasshecouldreachme,sheshovedmychest.“Ican’tbelieveyou,Luca.Whywouldn’tyoujusttellmeyouweregoingtoworkinyourstudioinsteadofdisappearingwithoutaword,knowingwhatIbelievedyouweredoing?”Sheshovedmeagain.Nothard.Justenoughtokeepmyattention.“Ican’tbelieveI’vebeenlookingatyoursculpturesinyourlivingroom,tryingtofigurethemout,whileI’mlivingwiththefreakingartist.Icouldhavejustaskedyou.”
“Youcouldhave.”Icaughtherhandsbeforeshecouldshovemeagain.“Youcanaskmeanything.”
“Ijusthavetoknowtherightquestionstoask.”Hereyesnarrowed.“Youaren’twideopen,nomatterhowmanytimesyousayyouhavenosecrets.”
“Idon’thavesecrets,butyoumightberight.Icouldaffordtobealittlemoreopenwithyou.”ItseemedlikeIwassafefrombeingshovedagain,soIwrappedmyhandaroundhernape.“Forthefinaltime,Iamnothavingsexwithanyotherwomen,andIwon’tforthedurationofthisarrangement.Mywordmightnotmeananythingtoyouyet,butitwill.Youwillunderstand,soonerratherthanlater,ifIhaveanythingtosayaboutit.WhenItellyouI’lldosomething,youcancountonit.”
“Okay,”shewhispered.
Isankmyfingersintoherhair.“Doyougetme,prettygirl?Areyouhearingme?”
Shenodded.“Idohearyou.”
“Finally.”
Shebroughtbacktheshoves.“Don’tbesmug.Youmaynothavebeenkeepingthissideofyouasecret,butyoudefinitelyweren’tforthcoming,andyouknowit.”
“Maybe.I’veneverhadsomeonetoanswerto.You’rethefirstpersonI’velivedwithsincecollege.”
“Youdon’tanswertome,buta‘hey,I’mheadeddowntothestudio,seeyoulater’wouldbenice.”
Mymouthhitched.“Icanhandlethat.”
“We’llsee.”Shepushedoffme,forcingmetolethergo.“Now,tellmeaboutthisplace.Doyouonlysculpt?”
“That’smymainmedium.Ialsopaintanddraw.”
Hergazesweptoverme.“Doyouloveit?”SheaskedthiswithsuchcompleteearnestnessIfeltcompelledtogiveherthefull,rawtruth.
“Inanotherlife,I’dmakeagoofthisasacareer.ButIwasbornaRossi,andwithmylastnamecomesresponsibilities.WhatIdointhisstudiocan’tbemorethanahobby.That’sthewayitis.”
“I’mnotsurethatansweredmyquestion,Luca.”
“That’sallIhavetogiveyou.”
Ishowedheraround,answeringherendlessstreamofquestionsalongtheway.Shewantedtoseeeverycorner,toknowwhateachtooldid.Iwasn’tatallsurprisedshewassointerested.Saoirselivedforexperiences,andthatwaswhatthiswasforher:anexperiencetostackupwiththeothers.
Whenshewasfinishedwithhertour,shestartedforthedoor,butIdidn’tfollow.“Aren’tyoucoming?”
Iglancedaroundthespace,thenather.“Hey,I’mgonnastayinthestudio.Seeyoulater.”
Thatmadehersmile.“See?Thatwasn’tsohard.”
“You’reright.I’lltrytomakeitahabit.”
“Well”—sheshiftedfromonefoottotheother—“don’tstayuptoolate.Youhaveworktomorrow.”
“Gotit.Goodnight,prettygirl.”
“Goodnight,Luca.Thankyouforshowingmethis.”
Withthat,sheleftmealone,quietlyclosingthedoorbehindher,andIblewoutalong,heavybreath,shovingmyhairoffmyface.
Ishouldhavefollowedherupstairs.Eatendinnerwithher.MadesureshewascomfortableafterthewayI’dtakenherthismorning.Puthertobed.
Butaftertheweekendofplayingthegoodhusbandandbringingherintomystudio,Ineededtobeonmyown.Tore-createthesafespacebetweenuswe’dprettymuchdecimatedthelastfewdays
Iwasonlyhuman.ContinuingtogrowclosertoSaoirsewouldonlyleadtodisaster.Icouldfuckwithoutfeeling.I’dproventhatoverthecourseofmylife,timeandtimeagain.ItwaseverythingelseIwasn’tabletocompartmentalize.
Butwe’ddonethehardpart.Ourfamilyandfriendsknew.Anarticleortwohadbeenpublished.Itwastimetogetonwithit.
Tomorrow,we’dreturntotheofficeandslotbackintoourroles.
Allwouldberight.ChapterTwenty-four
Saoirse
ThetwoweeksafterwereturnedfromWyomingwentbyfast.Myweekdayswerefilledwithworking,hangingwithEliseinmydowntime,andwavingatLucainpassing.
Sure,he’dgottenbetterabouttellingmewherehewasgoing,buthehadn’tmadeanyefforttospendtimewithme.NotthatIexpectedhimto.Itwasjust…afterourtrip,Ithoughtwe’dgottencloser.Maybeevenheadingtowardfriends…withbenefits.
ButLuca’swallshadgonerightbackup.
Itwasforthebest.Ididn’thavethetimetomisshimwhenhewasgone.I’dspentthepasttwoweekendsworkingatmyfriendKenji’spop-upbusinessandseveraleveningsduringtheweekmeetingwithMilesaboutourpotentialpartnership,whichwasbeginningtoseemmoreandmorereal.
ThatwaswhyIwassurprisedtoreceiveanemailfromLucaMondaymorningsinceIhadbarelysaidmorethana“hello”and“goodbye”tohimfordays.
To:saoirserossi@rossimotors.com
From:lucarossi@rossimotors.com
Saoirse,
Ifyouareavailableatlunchtime,pleasemeetmeattheDavenportatnoon.Room1019.Ifyouwon’tbeabletomakeit,letmeknowandwe’llfindanothertime.
Yours,
Luca
Istaredathisemail,bothincensedandturnedon.Hewassofuckingarrogant,assumingI’djumpatthechancetomeethimatahotel.Butdeargod,didhisarrogancedosomethingtome.
Iknewhecouldbackuphiswordswithaction.HavingthattasteofLucaleftmewanting.Anddamnhimforbeingright.Mytoyswerefun,buttheydidn’tsatisfymeanymore.NotwhenIknewtheheightsmybodywascapableofattainingwithhishelp.
To:lucarossi@rossimotors.com
From:saoirserossi@rossimotors.com
Luca,
Idohappentobefreeforlunchtoday.I’minthemoodforabig,thicksandwich.Isthatwhatyouwereplanningtofeedmeinroom1019?Areyougoingtocramitdownmythroat?Willyougivemesomuchitdripsdownmychin?Ireallydon’twantyoutostainmytop.It’ssilk.SoImighthavetotakeitofffirst.
Ihopethatwaswhatyouhadinmind.
Sincerely,
YourInconvenientWife
Mybusyhusbandmanagedtoreplywithinminutes.
To:saoirserossi@rossimotors.com
From:lucarossi@rossimotors.com
Saoirse,
I’llfeedyou.Itwon’tbeasandwich,butyou’llbesatisfiedwhenyouwalkaway,youfilthygirl.
Theonlythinginconvenientaboutyouisyou’renotundermydeskwithyourmoutharoundme,takingcareofthesituationyoucreated.
Yours,
Luca
Wetnessfloodedmypanties.Howdidhedothistome?
To:lucarossi@rossimotors.com
From:saoirserossi@rossimotors.com
Luca,
Hmmm…isthataninvitation?
Ifnot,I’llseeyouatnoon.
Sincerely,
YourInconvenientandWetWife
To:saoirserossi@rossimotors.com
From:lucarossi@rossimotors.com
Saoirse,
Iwishitwasaninvitation.Unfortunately,Millerissittingacrossfromme,andIthinkhewouldnoticeyoucrawlingundermydesk.
I’llseeyouatnoon.Makesureyou’renotwearingpanties.
Yours,
Luca
At12:05,Iknockedonthedoorofroom1019.Itwastornopensecondslater,andIwasyankedinside.ItslammedshutasLucabackedmeintothewallbesideit,huffingatmelikeanangrybull.
Hishipsrockedagainstmybelly,andmypulsethrummed.
“Hi,”Isaidsoftly.“You’reasightforsoreeyes.”
Hishandcameuptomyjaw,moregentlethanI’dexpectedgiventheintensityradiatingfromhispores.
“Iwantyouonyourknees.”
Dear.Fucking.God.
Afterouremailexchange,Iwantedthattoo,butoh,tohearhimsayit.
BeforeIcoulddrop,Lucahitchedmyskirtuptomyhipsandranhisfingertipsovermylacepanties.
Withoutwarning,hehookedhisfingersovertheflimsymaterialandrippedthemoff.Iwhimperedatthebriefstingbutdidn’tprotest.
Hedangledtheredlacebesidemyface.“Itoldyounottowearthem.”
“IwantedtoseewhatyouwoulddoifIdid.”
Hisfingerswrappedaroundmyneck,thelaceofmypantiespressingagainstmythroat.
“Alwaysteasing.Getonyourknees,prettygirl.Putthatteasingmouthtogooduse.”
Hedippeddownandlickedmefromcollarbonetoearlobe,groaningalongtheway.Mykneeswentweak,whichwasusefulwhendroppingtothem.
OnceIwasthere,Ibecamedesperate.Salivapooledonmytongue.Myfingersworkedhisbelt,fumblingaround.Lucatookmercyonme,unbucklingithimself.Imanagedtoundohispants,yankingthemandhisbriefsdownhiships.
Hisdickwasthickandsoharditwaspulsing.Iwastednotimecurlingmyfingersaroundthebaseandwrappingmylipsaroundthewidehead.
LucaandIgroanedintandem.Hewassohotandsilkyonmytongue.Thetasteofhisfleshmixedwithprecumcurledmytoes.Givingheadwasn’treallymything,butIwantedtogiveittohimmorethanIwantedtofindmyownrelease.
Hisfingersdelvedintomyhair,holdingthesidesofmyheadinhispalms.Hedidn’tshovemedownhislengthortrytotakeover.Heletmedomything,gruntingwithsatisfactionwhenItookhimallthewaydownmythroat.
Somethingknockedagainstthewall.WhenIlookedup,Isawitwashishead.He’dletitfallback,andhisfacewasslackwithpleasure.
“Thatfeelssogood,prettygirl.Youdon’tknowhowbadlyIneededthiswithyou.”Hishipsrocked,slidinghiscockalongmytongue.“I’vebeenthinkingaboutthis.Aboutyou.Couldn’tgoanotherdaywithouthavingyou.”
Ihummedinagreement.I’dbeenthinkingaboutthistoo.Atnight,whenhereturnedfromhisstudio,Ipicturedhimwalkingintomyroomandspreadingmylegstoburyhisfacethere.Irodemyvibrator,imaginingitwashim.Itwasneverenoughthough.
Hisfingersslippedfrommyhairtopressonmychin.Mymouthopened,andheslippedout,slickwithmysaliva.
“Getonthebed,Saoirse.Clothesoff,handsandknees.”
Hehelpedmeupandpressedahardkisstomylips,thenpushedmetowardthebedwithasmackonmyass.Ishedmyshirt,top,andbraandpositionedmyselfhowhewantedme.
Lucafollowed,spreadingmewithhisfingersfirst,thenhistongue.God,hewassogoodatthis.I’dneverfeltanythinglikeit.Hispassionandhungerflewmestraighttothemoon.Mynailsrakedatthesheets.Iwashelplesstohismouth.HecouldhavetoldmetojumpoffabridgerightnowandIwouldhave.
Hehadmetremblinginminutes,corethrobbing,pantinghisname.Iruttedintohismouth,wordlesslybeggingformore,tonever,everstop.
Pleasureslammedintome,andmyarmscollapsedbeneathme.
“Luca,Luca,please.”
“Iknow,”hemurmuredagainstme.“Ihaveyou.Ifeelittoo.”
Therewaspressureatmyentrance,followedbytheslideofhisfingersintome.Thenhistonguewentbacktowork,lappingatmyquiveringfleshwhilehepumpedandcurledhisfingers.Andwhenhehitthatspotinsidemethatmademybellyacheandspinearchlikeanalleycat,hegruntedwithsatisfactionandstayedthere.Pressurebuiltandbuilt,makingmefeelsofullIthoughtImightburst.Itoldhimthat.ToldhimIwascloseandhadlostmysenseofcontrol.
Hepromisedhehadme.Vowednottostop.Andhekeptpressing,stroking,massagingthatonemagicspotuntilIsnapped.
Myentirebodyquakedwhenthereleasecame,andmoisturefloodedmythighs.
“That’sit,prettygirl.That’sfuckinggorgeous.”
Lucamovedoverme,hisfingersslippingoutevenasIcontinuedcoming.ButIwasn’temptyforlong.Hetookholdofmyhipsandslidintomeinonelong,smoothstroke.Iwassowetmybodygavenoresistancetohisfillingmetothehilt.
“Yes.ThisiswhatI’vebeenneeding.”Hestartedtothrust,deepandslow,openingmeuptohimevenmore.Stillhelpless,barelysupportingmyselfonmybonelessarms,Iletithappen,knowinghewouldtakecareofmeandmakeitgood.
“Sowet,”hemurmured.“Thesesheetsaregoingintheevidencebagtoo.”
“Shutupandfuckme,Luca.”
Heslammedintomewithenoughforcetoknockthewindoutofme.“I’mdoingalltheworkhere.Neverknewyouweresuchalazylay.”
Igrinnedintothesheets.Hehadmethere,butitwashisownfault.“That’sbecauseyoukilledme.”
“You’rehotforadeadwoman.”Histhumbsliddownthevalleyofmyass,spreadingmewide.“Evenyourtightlittleholeispretty.Didyouknowthat?”
“Idon’tspendmuchtimelookingthere.”
Hepressedhisthumbintome,makingmemoan.“Iplantospendalotoftimelookingatit.Lickingit.Fuckingit.”Imoanedagain.Thismanhadthefilthiestmouth.“Doyoulikethatidea?”
AllIcoulddowasnod.
“I’dfuckyourprettylittleassrightnowifIhadlube.Don’twanttotearyouapart.IwantyoutolikeitasmuchasIknowIwill.”
Ireachedback,clutchinghiswrist,needingmoreofaconnectiontohim.“Youtalkalotwhenyoushouldbefuckingmeharder.”
Heslowedthenpulledoutalltheway.MyprotestdiedonmytongueasLucaflippedmeontomyback,givingmeagoodlookathowmuchhedislikedmylasttease.Thescowlonhisgorgeousfacesentgoosebumpsracingdownmyarms.
“Youwantithard,prettygirl?”Allhisteasinghadfallenaway.ThiswasdarkLuca.SexualdemonLuca.
Ireachedforhim.“Yes,please.”
Heliftedmylegs,foldingmeinhalf,mythighspressedagainstmychest,myanklesdrapedoverhisshoulders,andfilledmeupwithhisthickcock.
Hewrappedahandaroundmythroatashedroveintome.Hehadmeathismercy,andIhadneverbeenmoreturnedoninmylife.
HefuckedmelikethatuntilIwaspanting.Sweaty.Tearsleakingfrommyeyes.
Igraspedhisshoulders,clawinghim,begginghimtokeepgoing,togivemeabreak,tostop,toneverletitend.Thankfully,hedidn’tlistentoanythingIsaidbecauseIhadlostallsense.
Eveninmydelirium,Iwatchedhim.Sopowerfulaboveme.Intenseanddetermined.Hewatchedmeback,pupilsblownsowide,hiseyeswerelikeblacktunnels.Itonlymadehimmoredemon-like.
Throughitall,therewasnoquestionhewasherewithme.Thiswasaboutus.Workingoutourattraction,thetensionthickinourhome,evenwhenweweren’tneareachother.Thiswastwoweeksofabsencecomingtoahead,explodinginthiswild,grapplingneed
BeforeIwasready,mywallswereclampingaroundhim,andmyspinebowed.Luca’shandslippedfrommythroattocupmycrownasIfellapartaroundhim.
“That’sit.Soprettywhenyoucome.”Heshuddered,hishipssnappingagainstmine.“Ican’tresistyou.Can’tfightit.”
Heslammedintomeasdeepashecouldandheldhimselfthere,hisheadthrownback,mouthopen.Myinnermusclesflutteredandpulsed,pullinghishotreleasefromhimandintomybody.
Hefelltotheside,bringingmewithhim.Legstangled,hiscockplantedinsideme,welaytherepanting,workingtocatchourbreaths.Myskinwasslickwithperspirationandourcombinedreleases.Myhearthammeredinmychest.Iwasacompletemess,butIcouldn’trememberatimeI’dfeltthissatisfied
Lucastartedtochuckle,andIdraggedaneyelidopentoseewhatwassofunny.
“Youbetternotbelaughingatme,”Iwarned.
“I’mnot.”Heshovedmysweatyhairoffmyfaceandleanedintogivemeasoftkiss.“I’mthinkingIhaveameetinginprobablylessthanthirtyminuteswithourEuropeandivisionandI’mlyingherereekingofsexandsweat.”
“Ihavetogositinacubiclereekingofsexandsweat.Idon’tknowwhohasitworse.”
Hislaughterdied.“No,you’renotgoingbacktherelikethis.Nooneelsegetstoknowwhereyouspentyourlunchhour.”
LucaandIshoweredtogether.Hescrubbedmybody,takingextracarebetweenmythighs.HetoldmeitwassoIdidn’tgetmyhairwet,butIthoughthejustlikeddoingit,especiallysincehedriedmeoffafterward.Andwhenwewerealldressed,hestraightenedmyclothesandsmoothedmyskirtdownmyhips.
Iraisedabrowathim.“Whenyourippedmypantiesoff,Ibetyouweren’tthinkingaboutsendingmebacktotheofficefortherestoftheday.”
“Shit.”Hepalmedmyass,givingitaroughsqueeze.“Keepyourlegscrossed.”
“Iwasn’tplanningonflashingmycoworkers.”
“Youshouldhavestoppedme.”
Ilaughed.“Andsomehowit’smyfault?Idon’tthinktherewasanystoppingyou.”
Hescowledatme,tuggingmeoutoftheroom.“Yes.Allofthisisyourfault.”
“I’msorry.”Iwasn’t.Ikeptgigglingashedraggedmetotheelevator,andhekeptglaringatme.Oncewewereinside,hestartedtocrowdmeagainstthewall,butacuteoldcouplegotononefloordown,soLucawasforcedtoactcivilized.
Conveniently,theDavenportwasonlytwoblocksfromouroffice.Lucatookmyhandandtuckeditinthecrookofhisarmaswewalkedtogether.Itfeltold-fashionedbutsweet,soIletitgowithoutmakinglightofthegesture.
AttheRossibuilding,Lucausheredmeintotheexecutiveelevator,sighingoncewewerealoneagain.
“Thankyouformeetingme.”Hescannedmefromunderheavylids.“Thelasttwoweekshavebeendemanding.Ireallyneededthat.”
“Ineededittoo.”Itouchedthetipofmytoetohis.“Youknow,youcanjustknockonmydoor…”
“No.”Heslippedhishandsinhispockets.“Thishastobeseparatefromeverythingelse.Doingitathome—”
“Blursthelines,”Ifilledin.“Thatwouldbeamarriagething.Meetinginhotelsis—”
Thistime,hefilledinforme.“Somethingelse.”Heglancedupattherisingnumbersthenbacktome.“IneedyouFridayevening.FrankGoldman—hesitsonRossi’sboard—”
“Iknowwhoheis.”I’dresearchedmyhusband’sbusinesslikeanyproper,inconvenientwifewould.
“Good,good.”Lucanodded.“He’sthrowingabirthdaycocktailpartyforhiswife.KnowingFrank,itwon’tbeformal.”
“Well,Ihappentobefree,andI’msureIcanscroungeupsomethingtowear.”
“Youdon’tneedtoscrounge.Anythingyouwant,youcanhave.Goshoppingifyouwantsomethingnew.”
Iskimmedmyhanddownhisfront.“I’monlykiddingaboutscrounging.IpromisenottolooklikeIwalkedoutofathriftstore.”
Withahuff,hecaughtmebythewaist,reeledmein,andkissedthesideofmyhead.“GetoutofthiselevatorbeforeIthinktoohardaboutthefactthatyou’renotwearingpantiesandgiveintotheurgetospankyourbare,sassyass.”
Ialmostaskedhimtogiveintotheurge,buttheelevatordoorsslidopenbeforeIcould,whichwasforthebest.Ihadworktodo,andthereweremostcertainlysecuritycamerasrecordingeverything.
“Seeyouathome,husband.”
Hemumbledsomethingunderhisbreaththatsoundedanawfullotlike,“You’reaskingforit,”butIcouldn’tbesure.
ImusthavebeensmilingasIstrolledpastNiddhi’sdesk.Shecockedherheadatmeandsmiledback.“Goodlunch?”
Ipaused,pressingahandtomystomach.Myinnermusclesclenched,stillfeelingtheghostofLucainsideme.
“Itwasagreatlunch.”ChapterTwenty-five
Luca
RunninglateforFrank’sparty,IaskedSaoirsetomeetmeoutsideourbuilding,whereIwaswaitingbythecar.Sheappearedaminutelater,pausingtohaveachatwithourdoormanonherwayout,givingmetheopportunitytotakeinwhatexactlyshe’dscroungeduptowear.
Herdressfitasifithadbeensculptedtotheshapeofherbody.Black,withlongsleeves,ithithermidthigh.Modestonsomewomen.OnSaoirse,milesoflegswereondisplay,herspikedheelsonlymakingthemlonger.
Allthatmademythroatgodry,butwhensheturnedtofinallyfaceme,tossingherblondewavesoverhershoulder,smilinglikeseeingmewasthehighpointofherday,myheartratebecameerratic.
Straightening,Ireachedoutmyhand.Sheslippedherpalmagainstmineandtippedherfacetotheside,offeringmehercheek.Cuppinghernape,Ibroughthertherestofthewayinandtouchedmylipstoherjaw,thenthecornerofhermouth.Iwouldhavetastedherlips,buttheywerepaintedcherryred.Off-limitstomefornow.
“Gorgeous.”
Hersmilewidened.“Iwantedtolookgoodonyourarm.”Sheslidherfingersalongmylapel.“Noonewearsallblackthewayyoudo.”
Pleasureshotthroughme.I’dtakenthetimetochangemyshirt,riddingmyselfofthestarchedwhitebutton-downinfavorofblackonblack.I’ddoneitknowingSaoirsewouldappreciateit,rememberingthewayshehadthenightwemet.
“IwantedtolooklikeIdeservedyouonmyarm.”
Herlashesfluttered.“Smooth,Luca.Nowonderyouhadtomarryme.Womenmusthavedroppedlikefliesaroundyouwhenyouturnedonthatkindofcharm.”
Allthatpleasureplummetedlikelead.Ijerkedmychin.“Getinthecar,Saoirse.”
Sheslidinthebackofthelimo,andIclimbedinbesideher,placingthesmallbagI’dbroughtwithmeonherlap.
“Iwasn’tsurewhatyouwerewearingtonight,soIbroughtchoices.Youcandecidewhichgoesbest.”
Shepeeredinthebag.“Whatdidyoudo?”Reachingin,shepluckedupthetwoblackvelvetboxesandcarefullyopenedeachone.Insidethefirstwasanecklacewithmulticoloredgems.Thesecondheldplatinumandrubychandelierearrings.
“Theearrings,Ithink.”
Sheturnedtomewithwideeyes.“Luca…you’vealreadyboughtmesomuchjewelry.”
“Andyet,you’renotwearingit.”Scootingclosertoher,Itracedafingeroverthenecklace.“Whatdoyouthink?Earringsornecklace?”
Sherubbedherlipstogether,asmallpuffofairreleasing.“They’rereallybeautiful.Idon’tknowwhattosay.Noone’sever—Luca,thisis…”
Takingherchinbetweenmyfingers,Irakedmygazeoverher.She’dtakenhertimegettingreadyforme.Herhairhadbeenstraightthismorning,butnowitwasinsoft,perfectwaves.Hermakeupwasflawless.Thicklashes,highlightedcheeks,smokyeyes,thosecherrylips.Itpleasedmetonoendthatshe’dputinthismucheffortforme.GivingherjewelrywastheleastIcoulddo.AdropinthebucketcomparedtothesuddenurgeIhadtogivehereverything
“It’snottoomuch,andI’mreallyfuckinggladnoonehasever,”Itoldher.“Choosewhichyou’dliketoweartonight.You’llkeepthembothandweartheotherpieceanothernight.”
Herexhalegrazedmyhand.“Ithink…you’reright.Theearringswilllookbestwithmydress.”Sheslippedtheminherearsandpushedherhairawayfromherface.“Whatdoyouthink?”
“Perfect.”Unabletoresistputtingmymouthonher,Idippedmyheadtothecrookofherneckandtrailedmylipsupthegracefulcolumnofherneck.Theearringswereextravagant.Onanotherwoman,theymighthavebeentoomuch.ButwithSaoirse’sheightandtimelessbeauty,theyweremadeforher.
ShesighedasIsuckedthehollowbeneathherjaw.“Ifyougivemeahickey,I’mnotgoinginthere.”
Dartingmytongueout,Igavehersmoothskinalick,andfuckifshedidn’ttastesweet.Ihadn’tbeenabletofindtimeforarepeatofourlunchtimehotelmeetingthisweek,andithadbeentoolong.Iwascravingher.“It’sahusband’srighttosuckhiswife’sneck.”
Laughing,sheshovedmeaway,andIwentbecauseshewasright.Ahickeywasn’ttherightaccessoryfortonight.
“Youcansuckmynecklater,”shepromised.“Timetoactrespectable.Ithinkwe’rehere.”
FrankwasoneofthefewboardmembersIactuallyliked.Partbusinessman,partbiker,hehadmoreofalive-and-let-liveattitudethantherestoftheboard.HewaskeentoseewhatIcoulddowithRossiratherthanpushingmetofollowinmyfather’sexactfootsteps.
HewelcomedSaoirseandmeintohistownhomewithgenuinewarmth.HiswifeShira,whowasprobablythirtyyearsyoungerthanhim,stoodstifflyathisside.Howhehadendedupwithanicequeen,Icouldn’tsay,butthetwoofthemcouldn’thavebeenmoreopposite.
FranktookSaoirsefromme,givingherabearhug.“I’veheardallaboutyou,SaoirseRossi.”Heheldherbytheshouldersatarm’slength,givingheragrin.“IcanseewhyLucafellsofastandlockedyoudown.”
Shedidn’tmissabeat.“Itwasentirelymutual.Haveyouseenmyhusband?”
Frankburstoutlaughing.“Can’tsayLuca’smytype,butIgettheappeal.Womenareintothatwholesuave,Italianthing.Luckyforme,myShiralikedmypersonalityenoughtomarryme.Letmeintroduceyou.”Frankwavedmeoff.“Go,mingle.Saoirse,Shira,andIaregoingtohaveachat.”
Justlikethat,Frankstolemywife.
MaybeIdidn’tlikethismotherfucker.
Ifhehadn’tbeenpushingsixty,wewouldhavehadaproblem.Thenagain,Saoirseseemedhappytogooffwiththem.ThiswasexactlywhyI’dmarriedher.Shewasdoingherjob,andfromtheemergingsmileonShira’sface,doingitwell.
Awhilelater,ClaraandMillerarrived,andmysisterfoundmeatthebar.
Clararaisedabrow.“Didyoucomealone?Saoirsesaidshe’dbeherewithyou.”
“Saoirsesaid?”Imuttered.“Whendidyouspeaktomywife?”
Sheflickedherfingers.“ShementioneditwhenthethreeofuswentshoppingduringlunchonWednesday.”
“Threeofyou?”
HereyesrolledlikeIwasstupid.“Yes.Yourwife,ourmother,andme.Thatmakesthree.”
“Ah.”Ituggedonmycollar.“Right.Iwasn’tcountingyou.”
Shegavemyshoulderaslug,andIwasrelievedI’dplayeditoff.Wednesday,I’dhadaworkinglunchwiththeauditingcompanygoingoversomeofouraccounts.Saoirsehadnevermentionedwhatshe’dbeendoing.Ofcourse,I’dneverasked.
WhatkindofhusbandwasI,fakeornot,whenIputnoeffortintothismarriage?Mywifewasmingling,gettingtoknowmyfamily,dressingupforme,andallIcoulddowaschangemyshirtinthebackofthelimo?Ifwesharedabed,Iwouldn’thavebeensurprisedtobekickedoutofit.
Claratookasipofhersparklingwaterandsighed.Somethinginthesoundputmeonalert.
“Areyoufeelingokay?”
Nodding,shesmoothedherhandoverherstomach.“Tired.MillerandIaresomewhatatodds,so—”
Takingherbytheshoulder,Idrewherawayfromthefewpeoplenearbysowecouldhaveprivacy.“Whyareyouatodds?”
Shesuckedinadeepbreath,hergazetravelingacrosstheroomwhereMillerwasspeakingtoFrankandafewothermen.
“He’ssodistractedlately.I’vebeentryingtogethisopiniononthingsforthebaby.Cribs,nurserydecor,thatsortofthing.Biggerthingstoo,likechildcareandhispaternityleave,buthe’sbeenblankingonme.I’matmywits’end,andhewon’tgivemeanyfeedback.Atthispoint,I’llbemakingeverydecisiononmyown.”
Ifrowned.Millerwasadipshit,butasfarasI’dknown,he’dalwaysbeendecenttoClara.“Wouldyoulikemetospeaktohim?Ifhe’stoobusytoconcentrateonhisfamily,weneedtoreprioritizehisresponsibilitiesatwork.”
“Ohgod,no.”Shegrabbedmyarm.“Please,pleasedon’tsayanything.IfhethoughtIcametoyouashisbossandnotmybrother,hewouldbehumiliated.”
“Well,I’mboth.Ican’treallyunravelthetworoles.”
“Justbemybrothertonight,Luca.GivemeapatontheheadandremindmeIstillhavemonthstoprepare.”Asmyhandtraveledtowardherhead,sheswatteditaway.“Imeantmetaphorically.Donotactuallypatmeonthehead.”
Chuckling,Isqueezedhershoulder.“Allright.ThenI’llremindyouyou’rethemostcompetenthumanbeingIknow.Youcouldhaveababyinacaveandpullitoffwithoutmissingabeat.”
“AndI’mdewyandglowing,right?”
“Yes,Clara.You’reverydewyandextremelyglowing.”
Sherolledhereyes.“Goodtalk,Luca.Crisisaverted.”Exhaling,shesteeledherspine.“Allright.I’mgoingtodomydutyandmingle.”
“Damn.Wecan’tstaybackhereandmakefunofpeoplelikeweusedtoatMomandDad’sparties?”
Thatmadeherlaugh,givingmeasmalldoseofrelief.IfClaracouldlaughatmystupidjokes,itcouldn’tbeallthatbad.Still,I’dbekeepinganeyeonMiller.Ifhedidn’tstepup,wewouldbehavingthatchat.
SaoirsefoundmewhileIwasinagroupofFrank’sfriendswhowereCEOsandbusinessowners.TheywerediscussingthevolatilityofaNewYorkbankwhensheslippedherarmaroundmineandleanedintomyside.
Iturnedtoher,pleasedforthehundredthtimetohavethiswomanonthesamelevelasme.Herfaceandeyeswerebreathtakingtolookat,anddrinkingherinstraightonwasaheady,addictiveexperience.
“Didyoufindadrink?”Imurmuredinherear.
“Idid.”Shegavemyarmashake.“Areyouhavingagoodtime?”
“Mmhmm.You?”
“Great.”
AttentionfellonSaoirseasconversationdiedoff,andIintroducedheraround.Hereasy,affableconfidencemademeproudtocallhermine.Hergoalwastomakemelookgood,andthetruthwas,sheelevatedme.Ilookedbetterwithherbesideme.
Shechattedawaywiththeothermen,tellingthemaboutherfamily’sranch,whichkeptthemfollowinghereveryword.Iwasenchantedandalreadykneweverythingshewassayingfromfirsthandexperience.
ClaraandMillerjoinedusafterawhile,andSaoirseandmysisterfellintoanotherconversation.Someonewho’dworkedatRossiyearsagowaswavingtomefromtheothersideoftheroom.Saoirsetoldmetogo,andClarapromisedtoguardherwithherlife.Millerjuststoodtherelikeauselessbookend.ButthatwasMiller.Nosurprise.
Saoirse,Clara,andShirawerehavingagrandtime,soIventuredtothebaraftermyformercoworkerwaspulledaway.WhileIwaitedformydrink,someonesnuckupbehindmeandlaidahandonmyshoulder.Secondsbeforeshespoke,Ibreathedinawhiffofjasmine,andmystomachclenchedwithdread.
“Luca,funnyseeingyouhere.”
Iturned,puttingonapolitesmileforFrank’sdaughter.“Francesca.IthoughtyouwerelivinginParis.”
ThatwastheonlyreasonI’dfeltcomfortablebringingSaoirsetonight.I’dmadethemistakeoftakingFrancescatobedafewyearsago.Now,everytimeourpathscrossed,herattemptstoluremeinforarepeatwereunsubtleandoff-putting.TherewasnowayIwouldwillinglyexposeSaoirsetoit.
Francescahadn’tdroppedherhand,merelyslidingitdownmyarm.“Keepingupwithme,areyou?”Apracticed,throatygigglefellthendisappearedlikeithadneverbeenthere.“Yes,I’mstilllivinginParis,butDadaskedmetobehereformystep-monster’sbigthree-oh.HowcouldIrefuse?”
“Probablybestifhedoesn’thearyoucallherthat.”
“Oh,please.Hemarriedawomanthreeyearsolderthanmewhobarelyspeaks.Whatdidheexpect?”Shegavemyarmasqueeze.“It’sbeentoolongsincewe’verunintoeachother.Tellmewhatyou’vebeenupto,handsome.”
Itookherhandinmineandloweredittoherside.“I’mmarried.”
Sheburstoutlaughing,thisonerealandboisterous.Icringedattheheadsnodoubtturningourwayandtookasubtlestepawayfromher.ThelastthingIneededwasforanyonetogettheideaIwasflirtingwithFrancesca.
EspeciallySaoirse,whoI’dlostsightof.
WhenIdidn’tjoinFrancesca’slaughter,itslowlywaned.“Ohmygod.You’renotserious,areyou?”
Inoddedonce,foldingmyarmsovermychestsomyringwasvisible.Shehomedinonit,hereyesflaring.
“I’mveryserious.Mywifeisheresomewhere.Actually,Ishouldbelookingforher.”
Francescapattedherrosycheek,andhermouthpulledtight.“You’llhavetointroduceus.Iwouldlovetoseethewomanwhotamedyou.”
Mynostrilsflared,andanotherhitofheavyjasmineassaultedme.“We’llsee.Haveagoodevening.”
Withthat,Ibrushedbyherandwentinsearchofmywife.ChapterTwenty-six
Saoirse
Saoirse
Somepeopledidn’tenjoythemselvesatpartieswheretheydidn’tknowanyone,butthatwasn’tme.MymothersaidIcouldmakefriendswithabrickwall,andalthoughIalwaysthoughtshemeantitinanegativelight,itwastrue,andIlikedthataspectofmyself.
Iwashavingagreattime.WithClarahere,thecompanywaswonderful,andeverytimemyearringsswayed,IwasremindedofhowsweetLucahadbeeninthelimo.
I’djustbrokenawayfromClaraandShiratofindhimwhenIstoppeddeadinmytracks.Agorgeousbrunettehadherhandsallovermyhusband.Iwatchedhimstandthere,notremovingherhands,andbileroseinmythroat.
Icouldn’twatchthemtogetherforanothersecond.
Swivelingintheoppositedirection,Imademywayintothekitchenandpouredmyselfaglassofwatertocooloff.ToobadIcouldn’tpouritovermybrain,whichwassizzling.
Whateverourrelationshipmight’vebeeninprivate,inpublic,Lucawassupposedtobemine,whichmeantnosexybrunettespawingalloverhim.IhatedthatIhadtowitnessthat,andevenworse,IhatedthatIwasn’tabletoseehowmuchworseitgot.Whoknew?Theycould’vebeenmakingoutrightnow.Lickingwhiskeyoffeachother’shotbodies.Fuckingonthe—
“Oh.Hello.”
MydownwardspiralwasinterruptedbyMillerstutter-steppingintothekitchen.
“Hey,Miller.”
Hegesturedtotheemptykitchen.“Isthisapartyforone,ormayIjoinyou?”
“Ofcourseyoucanjoinme.”Iheldupmyglass,pleasedattheinterruption,evenifitmeanthavingtospendtimewithMiller.“Iwashavingaglassofwater.Wildtimes.”
Hefilleduphisownglassandleanedhishipagainstthecounteracrossfromme.Hissmilewasstiffanddidn’treachhiseyes.“SometimesthesethingsgetoverwhelmingandIneedtofindaquietspottotakeabreak.”
“YouandClarareallybalanceeachothersincesheseemstoenjoysocializing.”
“Shedoes.”Heliftedhisglasstohislips.“It’salwaysbeenaboneofcontentionbetweenus.”
“That’stoobad.”AlthoughClaraandIhadbecomefriendlyoverthepastcoupleweeks,weweren’tsocloseIshouldhavebeenhearingaboutmaritalproblems,especiallynotfromherhusband,whoIbarelyknew.Itriedtosteerustosaferwaters.“DoyouenjoyworkingatRossi?”
Hisbrowdropped,andIimmediatelyknewIshouldn’thavegoneinthisdirection.“Innormalcircumstances,Iwouldanswerwholeheartedlyyes.Butwiththeupheavallately—”
“YoumeanLucatakingover?”
Hisjawjuttedout.“Notsimplythat.It’sallthechanges.Idon’tdowellwithchange,especiallywhenthey’reunneeded.AndLucadoesn’ttakemyadvice—”
“I’msurethatisn’ttrue.He’sjustincrediblybusy.”
Millersethisglassonthecounterandtooktwostepsclosertome.“Byanychance,hashementionedmyconcernsovertheGraveBusinessReport?TheyarepersistentinrunningarticlesaboutRossi.Moreimportantly,ourfinancialsituation—andnotinaflatteringlight.It’saggravating.I’vetoldLucawehavetodosomethingaboutthem.Wecan’tletthisgoon.”
IknewrightawayLucahadnevermentionedthispublication,butIpretendedtorackmybraintoappeaseMiller,whowasbeginningtogettwitchy.
“I’msorry,Miller.Ican’tsayI’veheardofthem.ButLucaandIdon’ttalkalotaboutbusiness.”
Hescratchedthebackofhisheadandlookedaway.“No,Idon’tsupposeyoudo.”Thenhesquaredhisshoulders.“IshouldgofindClara.Goodevening.”
Hewalkedout,leavingmealoneonceagain,confusedhowClaracouldbemarriedtoamanlikethat.I’dyettofindaredeemingqualityabouthim.
Takingadeepbreath,Igatheredmycalmanddecidedtoheadouttotheparty.ButthedoorwaywasblockedbyafrowningLuca.
“I’vebeenlookingforyou,”heclaimed.
“I’vebeenhere.”
“Iseethat.What’ssoexcitingaboutthekitchen?”Hecametowardme,thecornersofhismouthcurvedlikehewasamused.Well,hewastheonlyone.
Ispreadmyarmsout,showcasingthecounters.“Lookatthisplace.It’spristineandpolished.Nohusbandsbeingmauledbyhotwomeninshortdressesanywhereinsight.”
Iexpectedhimtostop,toaskmewhatIwastalkingabout,butIwaswrong.Heatethesmalldistancestillbetweenusandhookedmearoundthewaist,draggingmeflushagainsthischest.
“Areyoubeingabrat?”Heusedhissmooth,charmingvoicethatmademythighsquake.Luckily,mybrainwasn’tsuchafloozy.
“Nope.Ididn’tlikeyouallowingthatwomantotouchyou.”
Hejerkedmeeventightertohisfront.“ThatwasFrank’sdaughter,Francesca.Ifyouwouldhavestayedasecondlonger,youwouldhaveseenmeremovingherhandandtellingherI’mmarried.”
“Well—”Iwastooworkeduptobackdownnow,eventhoughIthoroughlybelievedhim.“Whydidsheseemtothinkshehadtherighttotouchyoulikethat?”
“Shedoesn’t.”
Mybrowsdrewtogether.Hehadn’tansweredthequestion.“Haveyoufuckedthatgirl?”
“Yes.Onetime,yearsago.”
Iraisedmychin.“WouldyoufuckhertonightifIweren’there?”
“No.I’mnotinterestedinher.”
“Whoareyouinterestedin?”
Slowly,hetrailedhisholdonmelowerandloweruntilhewaspalmingmyass.“Ican’tseemtothinkaboutanyoneelsebutmywife.”
“Asitshouldbe.”Igrippedthelapelsofhisjacket.“Don’tletwomentouchyou,Luca.Youwouldn’tlikeitiftheroleswerereversed,wouldyou?”
Hesqueezedmycheekjustshyoftoohard.“Doyoureallyhavetoaskthat?Theanswerisno.Noonetouchesyoubutme.”
“That’sfinewithme.Whenyoutouchme,Icome.”
Hismouthhitched.“Andyoulikecoming.”
“Youmakeitsogoodforme.”Itiltedmyhipsintohis,andhisthickerectionproddedmystomach.“I’mreadytogo.”
Hegavemybuttalightswat.“Metoo.Comeon,prettygirl.”
Lucawalkedmethroughtheparty,quicklysayingourgoodbyes.HemadeapointtoparademebyFrancesca,buthedidn’tlookather.Hecouldn’tsincehewasbusyrunninghisnosethroughmyhairandmurmuringhowluckyhewastohavemebesidehim.Ilookedather,though.Andmaybeitwaspetty,butIdidn’teventrytostopthesmirkthatcurvedmylips.
Trytouchingmyhusbandagainandseewhathappens,Frannie.
Inminutes,wewereshutinsidethelimo,thedividerfirmlyup.Assoonasthelimowasmoving,sowasI.
Onmyknees,IclimbedastrideLuca.“Pleasetellmethiscarisoutsidetheconfinesofouragreement.”
“Doesthislooklikehometoyou?Sitonmycockandletmefeelhowwetyouare.”
Hegrippedmythighs,hispalmsslidingtotheinsidestospreadthemwider,bringingmedowntothebulgeinhispants.Webothmoanedwhenweconnected.
“God,Icanfeelyourheat.”Hehookedhisfingerintothecrotchofmypantiesandgatheredthemtothesidesohecouldtrailanotherfingeralongmywetslit.“Soaked.Mygirlgetswetwhenshe’sjealous.”
Ishookmyhead,throwinghiswordsbackathim.“Notjealous.Territorial.”
Twofingersplungedintomeashegrippedmynape,holdingmethere.“Thenclaimyourterritory,prettygirl.Takewhatyouneed.”
“Ineedtocome.”Irockedmyhipstotherhythmhefuckedmewithhisfingers,confidenthe’dgetmethere.
“I’vegotyou.I’lltakeyouthere.”
Hesuckedmyneck,thrustandstrokedmypussy,andheldmeclose.ThatmusthavebeenthemagicformulasinceIwasflyingoutofmyskininnotime.AndLucakeptgoing,lappingatmythroat,circlingmyclituntilIwaswhimperingandwrithing,beggingforhiscock.
Mydresswasdraggeddown,offmyarmsandchest.Lipssurroundingmynipples,myheadthrownback.Luca’spantswereunzipped,hiscockwedgedbetweenmyfolds.Eachtimehesucked,Irockedoverhisthicklength,hittingmyclit,coveringhimwithmyarousal.
Wetauntedeachother,comingclose,butneveralltheway,untilitwastoomuch.Ineededhim,andfromtherumblinggroansvibratingLuca’schest,heneededmejustasbadly.
Hetookmebythehips,liftingmelikeafeather,andplacedmeonhiscock.Isankallthewaydownwithhishelp,andwhenourpelvisesconnected,weignited.Clashingmouths,grapplinghands,slappingskin.Wefuckedeachotherlikeourlivesdependedonit.
IstillhadthememoryofthatwomanwithherhandsonLuca’sarm,soImighthavedugmynailsintohisneckharderthanIwouldhaveotherwise.Hedidn’tcomplain.Ifanything,hesuckedonmylipswithextraforceandshovedmedownonhiscocklikeheintendedtomeldmewithit.
MyheadfellbackasIcamearoundhim.Heslappedmeontheassandcoveredmymouthtomufflemycries.Inthemoment,Ididn’tcarewhoheardme,butinthebackofmymind,IwasthankfulLucahad.
“Yes,yes,”hegrittedout.“Doyouhaveanyideahowfuckingbeautifulyouarewhenyouletgo?”
Hewasn’twaitingforananswerfromme,butIgavehimoneanyway.“Notashalfasbeautifulasyouwhenyoupumpyourcuminsideme.”
Hegroaned,hisheadthumpingagainsttheheadrest.“You’rekillingme.I’mgoingtofillthispussyupuntilit’soverflowing.ThenI’mgoingtostuffallmycumbackupthere,soyoutakeeverydrop.Don’twasteanyofit.”
“Giveittome,Luca.Stoptalkingandpaintmypussy.Ineedit.”
HeslammedmedownonhiscocklikeIwashispersonaltoy,andIlovedit.LovedhowheownedmybodyandmademefeellikeIwasfullyhisandhewaspromisingtotakecareofme.
MythighsquiveredasanotherwaveofpleasuresweptthroughmeuntilIwassinkingbeneathit,lost.Luca’sgroanswerelikethunder,crackingtheelectricairaroundus.
Heburiedhisfaceinmythroatashefuckedmeinearnest.Iheldhimthere,myarmsaroundhisheadandshoulders,meltingundertheheatofhisbreathonmyskin.
Lucadroveintomefrombeneathlikewewereallaloneinabigbed—notthebackofalimo,crawlingthroughcitytraffic.Mybodywasunderhiscontrol.Hisgriponmyhipswasironclad,liftinganddroppingmedowntomeethisupwardthrusts.Hewasgivingmeafantasyinreallife.BetterthanIcouldhavedreamedup.BeingtakenbyLucainthebackofalimomadesaying“yes”tohimworthit,thoughIwasthoroughlyruinedforanyoneelse.NoonewouldevermeasureuptoLucaRossi.
Forabriefmoment,regrettriedtosneakthroughthecracksofmypsychewhenIthoughtaboutafuturethatwouldn’tincludeLuca.Butthiswasn’tatimeforsadnessandthoughts.Lucafuckedmythoughtsaway,leavingonlyeuphoriaasmybodyreachedyetanotherpeak.
Whenwefell,wewenttogether.Moansmingling,pantingbreathsexchanged,pleasurebindingourfierybodies,ifonlyforthisonewild,fleetingmoment.
Ifellagainsthim,givinghimallmyweight.Stilldeepinsideme,Lucaidlystrokedmyhairaswebothcaughtourbreath.
“There’snowaythedriverdidn’thearthat,”Imurmured.
“Mmm.Ipayhimenoughmoneynottolisten.”Hecurledalockofmyhairaroundhisfinger.“Ilikethatyoudidn’teventrytobequiet.”
“Ididtry.”Iliftedmyheadfromhisshoulderwithgreateffort.He’dliquefiedmybones.“It’sjustthatIfailed.”
Helaughedsoftly.“Idoubtyoufailatmuch,soI’lltakeit.”
“You’reright.Idon’tgiveup,soIcan’tfail.”
“Pretty,persistentgirl.YouevenmanagedtomeltShira’sicyfacade.”
“Sheisn’ticy.She’svery,veryshy.You’dknowthatifyouweren’tsoquicktojudge.”
“Hmmm.Somethingtothinkabout.Now…let’sgetyouoffmydicksoIcanthankyouforcomingwithmetonight.”
Isnortedalaughandpattedhischeek.“Ilikeyou,LucaRossi.”
Heunwoundmyhairsohecoulddraghisfingeralongmyjaw.“Ilikeyoutoo,SaoirseRossi.”
Thefunnythingwas,itdidn’tevensoundstrangetohearhisnameattachedtomineanymore.ChapterTwenty-seven
Luca
Icrackedoneeyeopen.Seventhirtya.m.AnungodlyhourforaSaturday.Butthepersistenttappingonmydoorhaddraggedmeoutofmymuch-neededsleep.
“Thecondobetterbeburningdown,”Icalledinthedirectionofthecloseddoor.
Saoirse’smuffledlaughcamefromtheotherside,thenshepusheditopen,peekingherheadintomydarkroom.
“Hi.”
Icrackedtheothereye,takingherin.Shewasfullydressedandfartoobright-eyed.
“Youdon’tlooklikeyoucrawledthroughsmoketogettomybedroom,soI’massumingthere’snofire.”
Withasoftlaugh,shestrodeacrosstheroomandploppeddownbesidemeonthebed,pushingmyhairoffmyforehead.Thatsmallgesturewasallittookformostofmygrouchinesstofade.
“Thisisthelastfarmers’marketoftheseason.Iwantedtoseeifyou’dliketocomewithme.”
Iwouldhavelikedhertoclimbintomybedandwrapherlipsaroundmycock.OrputherheadonmychestwhileIslept.Noneofmypreferredactivitiesinvolvedmegettingoutofthisbedbeforeten.
“Asmuchfunasthatsounds,I’mgoingtohavetopass.”Iclosedmyeyes,hopingshe’dleavemeinpeace.
“Mmm…toobad.InoticedyoureallylikethecheeseIboughtyou,eventhoughyounevermentionedit.Iwasgoingtobuyyoumore,butnow…”
Thegenuinedisappointmentinhervoicewokemeupalittlemore.MyeyesopenedsoIcouldlookatherinthedimlight.Shestrokedmyhairoffmyforeheadagainandsighed.
“Okay,I’llletyousleep.Youneedit.AndI’llevenbringyousomecheese.”Sheleaneddownandpressedakisstomycheek.“Seeyoulater,Luca.”
ShewasonherfeetwhenIrememberedthefuckinghoneyguy.Themanshe’dbeenreelinginformonths.He’dseeherinherprettylittledress,probablyspendtimewithher,makeherlaugh,allwhileIlayinbed.
“Holdon.”
Sheswiveledaround.“Areyoucoming?”
“Yeah.I’mcoming.”
SpendingtimewithSaoirsewaseasy.Westrolledthroughthemarket,nodirectioninmind.Shepointedoutherfavoritebooths,introducingmetopeopleshe’dcometoknow.Eachtimeshetoldanotherpersonweweremarried,theygiftedussomething—fromapplestojamtoasmall,carved-woodringholder.
ShewanderedaheadofmewhileIgotstucktalkingtothecheeseguyaboutmotorcycles.Ikeptoneeyeonher,soIdidn’tmisswhenshestoppedataboothandthemanrunningitwalkedaroundtohersidetogiveherahug.Themassivefuckerevenliftedheroffherfeet.
Honeyguy.Spinningmywifearound.Makinghersmile.She’dbeenreelinghimin,anditappearedhe’dbeencaught.
BarelysayinggoodbyetothepersonIwasspeakingto,Ichargedintheirdirection.He’dsetheronherfeetbutwasstillfartooclosewhenIreachedthem.
Islippedmyarmaroundherwaist,pullingherbackagainstmychest.Sheyelped,turningherheadtolookatme.
“Ohgod,Luca,yousurprisedme.”
Isqueezedherhip.“Introducemetoyourfriend,Saoirse.”
“Oh,ofcourse.Luca,thisisMick.Mick,thisisLuca.”
MickhadtornhiseyesoffSaoirsetostudyme,andIstudiedhisovergrownVikingmanbun,wannabehipsterassrightback.HisjawrippledwhenhelandedonmyfingerscurledaroundSaoirse’swaist.
“Mick,ofcourse.”Irockedbackonmyheels.“Mywifehastoldmeallaboutyouandyourhoney.”
HisgazeliftedtoSaoirse’s.“You’remarried?”
“Iam.”Sheheldupherlefthand,wigglingherfingers.“Wegotmarriedalittleoveramonthago.Itwasawhirlwind.”
Hefoldedhisarmsoverhisbigchest.“Iwonderedwhereyou’dbeen.”
Ichuckled.“I’vebeenkeepingmywifebusy.”HecouldlethislittleimaginationrunwildbyguessingexactlywhatI’dbeenkeepingherbusydoing.
Hegrunted,notbotheringtoacknowledgemeinanyotherway.“Congratulations.IwishI’dknown.”
“Nowyoudo,”Isaidflatly.
Saoirselaidherhandovermineanddroveherelbowintomyside.“Thankyou,Mick.AsIsaid,it’sbeenawhirlwind.SorryIhaven’tbeenbyinafewweeks.ImadesureIhadtimetostopbytodaysinceit’llbeawhilebeforeIseeeveryoneagain.”
“Thanksforcoming.”Heavertedhisgaze,eyeingtheslowlystreamingcrowd.“It’sabusyday.Gottagetbacktoit.Picksomethingoutifyouwant.Myweddinggifttoyou.”
Heturnedhisbackonherandreturnedtohisplacebehindhistable.Saoirsestaredafterhimforamomentbeforeremovingmyhandfromherhip.Insteadofdroppingit,shewoveherfingersbetweenmineandtippedherheadtotheside.
“Comeon.There’smoretosee,”shesaidasshepulledmealong.
“Youokay?”
Sheliftedashoulder.“Ifeelbadforstringinghimalong.Icouldtellhewasdisappointed.”
WhenwewerefarenoughawayfromMickandhishoney,ItuggedSaoirsetothesidebetweentwoboothsandwrappedmyarmsaroundherwaist.Sheslidherhandsupmychesttocurlthemaroundmyneck.
“Here’sthething,prettygirl:Mickhadhischanceanddidn’ttakeit.Hesawyou,gorgeousfuckingyou,anddidn’tdoeverythinghecouldtohaveyouforhimself.Thatalonetellsmehe’snotgoodenoughforyou.Thedoucheymanbunandhissadlittlepoutsealedthedeal.Don’tfeelbadformovingon.Ifhe’sdisappointed,that’sonhim.”
Shescootedcloserandpressedahardkisstomylips.“ThatwasexactlywhatIneededtohear.”Shekissedmeagain.“Thankyouforcomingwithme,Luca.Iwouldhavehadaguiltspiralifyouhadn’tsetmestraight.”
Shewentinforanotherkiss,butthistime,Icaughtthebackofherhead,keepinghermouthsealedtomine.Whatstartedasahard,closed-mouthkissmelted,herlipspartingformytonguetosweepinside.Alwaysmindfulwewereoutside,inviewofanyonewhocaredtolook,Ikissedherwithslow,gentlecaresses,lickingawayanyresidualsadness.Saoirsedidn’tgettobesadoverothermeninfrontofme.I’dcureherofthatquicklyandwithprecision.
Shepulledawayfirst.“Iboughtyousomething.”
Ihuffedalaugh.“Whendidyoudothat?Ialwayshadmyeyeonyou.”
“I’msneakylikethat.”Shereachedintohercanvasbag,pulledoutasmallpackagewrappedinwhitetissuepaper,andhandedittome.“Isawitanddecidedyouneededit.”
Iflippedthepackageover,frowning.Saoirsetrailedherfingertipovermyknuckles.
“Whydoyouseemconfused?”
Myfrowndeepened.“I’m…”
“Justopenit.It’snotjewelslikeyoukeepgivingme.It’sonlyalittlesomething.”
Tearingthetapecarefully,Iunfoldedthepaper,revealingasmallpewtermotorcycleattachedtoakeychain.Thoughitfitinthecenterofmypalm,IimmediatelyrecognizeditwasamodelofaRossibikefrommygrandfather’sday.
“It’sanM50RoadKnight.”
Sheleanedin,peeringatmyhand.“Isit?IsawithadaRossisymbol.”
Iclosedthepaper,replacingthetape,andtuckedthepackageinmypocket.“Thankyou.”
Herheadcanted.“Isitmeyou’renotgoodatacceptinggiftsfrom,orisitageneralthing?”
“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Well,itbeganwiththecheeseboard.You’veneversaidasinglewordaboutthat.Thenyourweddingring.Youbarelylookedatit.Andnowthis.Iknowthekeychainissmall,butyougaveitaglance,thenputitaway.It’sapattern,butIwonderifit’sspecifictomeornot.”
“Ididn’trealizeIwasdoingthat.”
“Youare.”
Itookthekeychainoutandunwrappedit,waddingthepaperup,andattachedittothehousekeyinmypocket.
“Mygrandfatherrodethisbike.HetookmeforarideonitwhenIwasakid.Myfirstride.Youdidn’tknowthat,butittookmeaback.Ineededaminutetorecovermyequilibrium.”Iclutchedthekeychaininmyfist.“Thankyouforgivingmethis.I’llthinkabouthimwhenIunlockmydoor.”
“That’sagoodthing,Iassume?”
“Greatthing,”Ianswered.“Asforthecheeseboard,Iatethehelloutofthecheese.Theboardisonmycounter.YounoticedI’msure.”
“Idid.”
“Whenyougaveittome,Iwasn’tsureaboutyou.Noonegivesmegiftsoutoftheblue,andyouhandedmesomethingyouhadputalotofthoughtintoatwhatwassupposedtobeourfirstmeeting.Youthrewmeoffbalance,asyouhaveatendencytodo.”
Shecrinkledhernose.“Idon’t.DoI?”
Ismoothedmyfingertipdownhernose.“Youdo,prettygirl.”Iglancedatmyring.Thatwasn’tsomethingIwantedtotalkabout.“I’lltrytodobetternexttime.”
Shearchedabrow.“Assumingthere’llbeanexttime.”
Takingherchinbetweenmyfingers,Itippedherheadslightly.“Knowingyou,therewillbe.”
Aslowsmilespreadacrossherface.“Fine.Giftgivingismylovelanguage.Ican’thelpit,soprepare,Luca.Iwillgiveyouthoughtfulpresents.”
AlightnessIhadn’thadformonthsbloomedinmychest.AllbecauseofSaoirse.EventhoughIcontinuedtomessup.EventhoughIwasabsentmoreoftenthannotandincrediblydeficientatacceptinggifts.Shecontinuedbeingthis…fuckingbrilliantsurprise.
“I’llbeready.Promise,prettygirl.”
SaoirsehadmedrivehertoacaféwhereIlearnedshe’dbeenworkingforthepasttwoweekends,helpingoutafriend.
I’dpicturedthefriendassomeonelikeElise,butIwasfaroffthemark.WhenIpulleduptothecurb,Kenji—atattooed,rockstar–lookingJapaneseguy—wasleaningagainstthebrickwallbesidethecafé,onebootedfootkickedup.
“Therearelotsofotherpeopleworkingwithyou,right?”Ieyedthehandsomemotherfucker,wonderingifhewasSaoirse’stype.
“Yes.Well,it’sKenji,me,andhisbrother,Riku.Hehiredsomeotherpeopletoworkwithhimnextweekend,but—”ShesqueakedwhenIpulledawayfromthecurb.“Whatareyoudoing?”
“Findingaparkingspot.I’mcominginwithyou.I’dliketomeetthemanyou’vebeenspendingsomuchtimewith.”
Ifeltherboringholesinthesideofmyhead.
“DidyouevennoticeIwasn’thome?”
Myfingerstightenedonthesteeringwheel.“OfcourseIknewyouwereout.Ididn’tknowwhatyouweredoing.NowIdo.I’mgoingtomeetKenji.Youdon’tmind,doyou?”
“Idon’tmindaslongasyou’renice.”
Ipulledintoaparkinglottwoblocksfromthecafé.“Oh,I’llbenice.”
AndIwould,aslongasKenjididn’tlookatmywifelikethehoneyguydid.IfoundithardtobelievehewashappyinthefriendzonewithSaoirse,butwe’dsee.
Besides,Iwascuriousaboutwhatshe’dbeenuptooverthepastcoupleweeks.Nowseemedlikeagreattimetofindout.ChapterTwenty-eight
Saoirse
ItappedLucaontheshoulder.Hepulledhisattentionfromhiscomputertosnakehisarmaroundmyback,hishanddangerouslyclosetomyass.
“Thisisyourthirty-minutecheck-in,”Ichirped.“Areyoumakingprogress?”
“Strangely,yes.”Heshovedhisfingersthroughhishair.“Igotthroughfiveemployeesurveys.”
“Goodjob.”Ipattedhisshoulder.“I’llbebackinthirtyminutestocheckinwithyouagain.”
Kenjihadbroughthispop-upbusinessfromJapan,testingitoutinatemporaryspacetoseeifitworkedwithAmericans.Customersusedaworkspaceinthecaféandrequestedtobecheckedonbythestaffatpredeterminedintervalstoensuretheywerestayingontask.
Thepastthreeweekendshadbeenpacked,convincingKenjithisbusinessmodelmightreallyworkhere.Ping-pongingbetweencustomers,servingcoffeeandcheck-ins,Iagreedwithhim.
LucahadspentallofSaturday,andnowSunday,workinginthecafé.Thesetwodayswerethemosttimewe’dspenttogethersinceWyoming.Atfirst,I’dbeenalittleannoyedhestuckaround.Tome,it’dfeltlikehedidn’ttrustme.ButIwasbeginningtobelievehewasusinghisterritorialismasanexcusetospendtimewithme—whichIdidn’tmindatall.
Ilikedmyhusband.
Ahalfhourlater,IcircledbacktoLucawithacoffee,slidingitinfrontofhim.
“How’smygoodboydoing?”Iwhisperedtohim.
Hegrowledatme.“I’mthinkingofallthebad,badthingsI’llbedoingwithyouassoonasIhavethechance.”
“Whichwon’tbetonightifyoudon’tgetthroughmoreemployeesurveys.”
Hewinced.“You’reataskmaster.”
“Iam.”Ishovedhisshoulder.“Now,getbacktoworkorI’llbeforcedtocrackthewhip.”
“Yes,mistress.”
“Ohgod.Yes,yes,yes.”
Luca’shandgrippedmyshoulder,theotherheldmyasscheek.“Don’tmove,prettygirl.Don’tfuckingmove.”
MybackopeningburnedandstretchedfromLuca’sthickcockbreachingitandslidingintome.Iclawedatthecouchcushions,keepingstillforhimeverywhereelse,tampingdowneveryinstincttellingmetorockintohim.
“You’resotight,”hegrittedout.“Sohotandtight.”
Ishookmyhead,tearswellinginmyeyes.Notbecauseithurtbutfromtheintensity.
“Youwon’tfit.”
AssoonasweleftKenji’s,LucadroveustotheDavenport,herdedmetoourroom,andorderedmetostrip.Bythetimehebentmeoverthearmofthecouch,Iwasshakingandsoaked.Droppingtohiskneesbehindme,heburiedhisfacebetweenmythighs,takingmeovertheedgeagainandagainuntilIwasdelirious.Thenheannounceditwastimeforhimtotakemyass,andI’dhadnoobjections.
Hishandrainedasmackonmyass.“Don’tdoubtme,Saoirse.”
Mydoubtslayinmyabilitytohandlehim,notinLuca.Hecouldworkmeintoafrenzyinthreelicks.Evenafilthylookwoulddo.
“Justfuckmealready,”Isqueezedout.“Proveittome.”
Heslappedmeagain.“Don’trushme.Iplantoenjoythis.”Toillustratehowunrushedhewas,heretreated,thenslidinatasnail’space,goingalittlefartherthistime.“Youhavetheprettiestlittleholeandfuckifit’snotclampingaroundmelikeafist.”
“Stoptalkingaboutmyassholeandfuckit.”
Heleanedovermyback,grippingmyhairatthecrown.Hislipswerenearmyear,whisperingtaunts.“You’renotinchargehere,prettygirl.Rightnow,Iownyou,andI’lltalkaboutallthepartsofyouI’mobsessedwithwheneverIwant.Here’sahint:it’sallofyou,sowe’regonnabehereforawhile.”
Ihadnosassycomeback.Notwhenhechosethatmomenttopushtherestofthewayinsideme,hishipsflushwithmybackside.AwobblymoanwasthebestIcoulddo,butthatreallysaiditall
Lucaslidonehandaroundmyfronttoplaywithmynipple,rollingthehardenedbudbetweenhisfingers.Theotherheldontomyhipashestartedtobuildupasteadyrhythm.Stillslowandgentle,butdeargod,wasitgood.
“Keepgoing,”Ipanted.
“Don’tneedtoworryaboutthat.Icouldn’tstopifItried.”
Fleshmetflesh.Pleasurethrummedinmyveins.Luca’shandsownedmybody,trailingovermycurves,strokingmylive-wireflesh.Inhishold,Iwasunbound,cryingoutwithavoiceI’dneverused.Grasping,clawing,helpless.Hedroveintome,hardernowbutprecise.Nevertakingittoofar.
Mytoescurledintothecarpet.
Mymouthwentslack.
Ipushedback,meetinghispurposefulthrusts.
Ourskinslapped,andLucamurmuredallthewordsIneededtohear.Eveninmyhelplessness,hetoldmeIhadthepower.Hecouldn’tcontainhisattractiontome.Insideme,hewasfound.Hethoughtaboutthis,ustogether,whenwewereapart.
“Myfuckablelittlewife,”hegrunted.“Prettyass,perfecttits.Couldfuckyoufordaysandstillwantmore.”
“Tryit,”Ibegged.
“You’dhavemelosemycompany,wouldyou?”
Thatearnedmeanotherspanking.Ithrewmyheadbackandmoanedsolouditrattledthewalls.Hespankedmesomemoreandpoweredintome,takingmybreathaway.
“Itwouldbeworthit,”Lucaansweredhimself.
“Screwcapitalism.It’snoteventhatgood.”IhadnoideawhatIwassaying,butitearnedmeadeepthrustandLuca’sfingersonmyclit,soitmusthavebeenright.
Histhumbrolledmyclit,theotherfingersslidingintomyslickpussy,fillingmeupbeyondanythingI’deverknown.Tothebrimandthensome.Mybreathcameinshortpants.Therewasnoroomformylungstoexpand.
“Whatareyoudoingtome?”Icried,myheadfloaty.
“Exactlywhatyouneed.”
Hewasright.So,soright.Aftertwodaysofjealousyandflirtation,Ididneedthis.Lucatookmeoutofmyhead,outofmygoddamnskin,andconqueredmethewayonlyhecould.
Itwasn’tforever,butfornow,Iwassoveryhis.
I’dneverwantedtobeanyone’s,butIlovedbelongingtoLucaRossi.
Withthatthought,myinnerwallsclampeddownaroundhim,andIsoaredintoanotherclimax.Panting,yelling,writhing,mybodyseized,myhearttryingtobeatrightoutofmychest.
Lucagrunted,lowandferal,hisgripdiggingintomyhipsasherodethewildwavewithmeuntilhefinallyallowedhimselftofall.Hotspurtsfilledmybackchannel,andmyownarousalfloodedpasthisfingers,rollingdownmythighs.
Assoonashefinished,heslidoutofmeandcarriedmetothebathroom,somehowsteadyonhisfeetwhenIwasn’tcertainIevenhadfeetanylonger.Heeventookthetimetotellmeitwastoobadhecouldn’taddthecarpettotheevidencebagsinceI’dsurelydrippedalloverit.
Funnyman.
Weshoweredtogether,andLucawashedmelikehealwaysdid.Careful,gentle,thorough,especiallybetweenmylegs.Thenhedriedmejustascarefullyandbundledmeunderthecoversinbed,crawlinginbesideme.
Iblinkedathim.“Whatareyoudoing?”Wedidn’tgetinbedafter.Wegotdressedandleft.
Lucawasonhisback,asrelaxedascouldbe,hishandsbehindhishead.“IwasthinkingImightliehereforawhilethenorderroomservice.”
“Why?”
Hisbrowcrinkled.“Whynot?Ipaidforthewholenight.They’renotgoingtokickusoutwhenthehour’sup.It’snotthatkindofplace.”
“You’resorude.”Ikickedhim,buthecapturedmyfootbeneathhiscalf.
“Andyou’reusuallynicerafterImakeyoucome.”Hereacheddowntocupmypussy,slidingonefingeralongmyslit.Despitebeingalittlesoreandalotsated,goosebumpssproutedalongmylimbs,andheatpulsedinmycore.“Hmm…ismyprettygirlnotsatisfied?”
“Iwon’tbeabletowalkifyousatisfymemorethanyoualreadyhave.”Iwrappedmyfingersaroundhiswrist.“You’vetrainedmetorespondtoyou.Ican’thelpit.”
Hismouthhitched.“Ilikethat.BecauseIhavetotellyou,onewhiffofyourscentandI’mhard.Itpissesmeoffsometimes,butknowingyou’rejustasneedyformemakesitaneasierpilltoswallow.”
“Andwilling,Luca.I’mneedyandwilling.”Ipressedhishandagainstmyheatedcore.“You’retheonewhoputboundariesup.Thingswouldbealoteasierwithoutthem.”
Hisdarkgazesweptmyface,andheshookhishead.“No.Astemptingasitwouldbetobendyouoverthekitchentablewheneverthemoodstrikes,thoseboundariesarenecessaryforme.”
“Okay.”
Rollingawayfromhimsohecouldn’treadthedisappointmentetchedonmyface,Igrabbedtheroomservicemenufromthenightstand.Icouldn’tevensaywhyIwassodisappointed.SexwithLucawasgreat,andIwantedmoreofit,butthatshouldn’thavecausedthispanginmybelly.
Hefollowedme,hischestflushwithmyback,chinonmyshoulder.“Hungry?”Knucklesdraggedfrommynaveltomycoreandbackup.
“Mmm.Starved,actually.”
Hekissedmebelowtheear.“Arewegood,prettygirl?”
Twistingmynecktoseehim,Ismiled.“We’reperfect.”
Butnowthatthepangwasthere,Iwasalltooawareofit.
Ipokedthemenu.“I’mgoingtogetamilkshake.”
“Perfect,”hewhispered.
Justfreakingperfect.ChapterTwenty-nine
Luca
Elliot’sassistantofferedmeasmall,tightsmileasIapproachedfromtheelevator.
“Hello,Catherine.”
Shetuckedalockofherneatauburnhairbehindherear.“Goodafternoon,Mr.Rossi.”
CatherinehadbeenworkingforElliotforafewmonths.Hersmileswerealwayssmallandtight,butherposturewasperfect—acontrasttothetypicalbeaten-downspinesofhispreviousassistants.
InoddedtowardElliot’sclosedofficedoor.“How’shedoingtoday?”
Shestackedonehandontopoftheotheronherdesk.“Ihaven’tnoticedanythingoutoftheordinary.Mr.Levyisalwaysbusy.”
Tappingtheedgeofherdesk,Igrinned.“Igetit.I’veknownhimsincecollege.Theguyneverchanges.”
Iwasluckytopinhimdownforlunchtoday.Hedidn’tnormallystopforlongerthanittookhimtoconsumeenoughsustenancetopowerhimfortherestoftheday,sogoingoutanywherewasastretch.ButthingshadbeenoffbetweenussinceI’dgottenmarried.Ourgymmeetupshadbeenquieter—whichwassayingsomethingsinceElliotwasn’texactlyafountofconversation.
BeingatoddswithElliotdidn’tworkforme.Itwastimetoenditandmoveon.
Catherinestoodfromherdeskandturnedtotheside,givingmeaviewofhersmallbump.
“Hey,congratulations.”
Sheswiveledbacktome,herbrowspopping.“Oh.”Herhandflewtoherbelly.“Thanks.I’mnotusedtopeoplenoticingyet.Itonlystartedhappeningthisweek.”
“Ihaveapregnantsister,somaybeI’mmoreattunedtoitthesedays.”
Hersmilewasalittlelooserthistime.“Well,congratulationsonbecominganuncle.I’llletMr.Levyknowyou’rehere.”
LunchwithElliotmeanttakeoutinhisconferenceroom.Westonjoinedustoo.HewasjustasdifficulttopindownasElliot,thoughheactuallyhadsomeflexibility.
Icouldn’tsaymuchabouttheirschedules,though.MylunchesthepastfewweekshadbeenspentattheDavenportifIfoundroomintheday.NotmeetingSaoirsetodayhadn’tbeeneasy,especiallyknowingitwouldbeanothertwenty-fourhoursuntilIletmyselfhaveheragain.
Butnowwasn’tthetimetothinkaboutthat.I’ddrivemyselfcrazywithitlater.
“How’sElise?”IaskedWeston.
“Excellent.I’llbeaskinghertomoveinwithmeassoonasI’mcertainshe’llsayyes.”
Idippedmysalmonrollinsoysauce.“Whywouldn’tshesayyes?”
“It’stoosoon.”Hecockedhishead,addressingElliot.“Don’tyouthink?”
Elliotdrummedhisfingersonthetable.“Ifyouthinkyou’reworthyoflivingwithmysister,thenaskher.She’lltellyouifit’stoosoon.”
Ilaughed.“Youdidn’tthinkthroughwhatitwouldbeliketohaveElliotLevyasabrother-in-law,didyou?”
Weston’smouthtwitched.“Tobehonest,Iwasn’tthinkingaboutElliotatallwhenIwentforElise.”
“Maybeyoushouldhave,”Elliotgruffed.
“Thenhewouldhavemissedoutonlivingundertheconstantthreatofyoumurderinghimifhemessesup.Whatfunwouldthatbe?”Ipoppedaneelrollintomymouth.“Bytheway,Elliot,whatareyougoingtodowhenCatherinegoesonmaternityleave?Isshealreadytrainingherreplacement?”
Judgingbythesizeofherbump,shehadmonthstogo,butIwouldn’thavebeensurprisedifElliotalreadyhadherpreppingsomeoneelsetoworkunderhisexactingdemands.
Surprisingly,adeepcrevicewascarvedbetweenhisbrows.“Whatareyoutalkingabout?Catherineisn’tpregnant.”
“Uh…”WestonandIexchangedalook.Elliotwasn’tthemostpersonableman,andIhadadistinctfeelinghedidn’tgettoknowhisemployees,butIfoundithardtobelievehe’dmissedthatdetailabouthisownassistant.“Sheis.WehadaconversationaboutitwhenIarrived.”
Thecrevicedeepened.“Shehasn’tdiscussedthiswithme.”
Westonchuffed.“Idon’tthinkshe’srequiredtodiscussherpregnancywithyou.”
Inodded.“Actually,Ithinktherearelawsthatspecificallysayshe’snotrequiredtodiscussitwithyou.”
“Wasn’tthereareasonforthislunchbesidesmockingme?”Elliottappedhischopsticksagainstthetable,clearlydonetalkingabouthisassistant.Thatwasfinewithme,thoughIlookedforwardtohowthrownoffbalancehewouldbeduringhermaternityleave.
“Yeah,thatwas.”Iwipedmymouthwithmynapkin.“IneedaPIreferral.”
NeitherWestonnorElliotspoke.Theywerewaitingformetoexpandonmyrequest,butIwasstilldecidinghowmuchIwantedtosay.
Tobehonest,IwasstillsortingthroughtheconversationClaraandIhadthismorning.
Clarawalkedinandflungherselfintooneofthechairsinfrontofmydesk
“Goodmorningtoyou,”Isaid,barelylookingupfrommycomputer.
“IthinkMiller’scheatingonme.”
Thatgotmetolookup.“Whatmakesyouthinkthat?”
“Afeeling.He’smoredistractedthanever.Secretivewithhisphone.He’scominghomelatewhenIknowhe’snotattheoffice.”Herchinwobbledasshebrokeoffandlookedaway.“Imightbecrazy,Luc.Iaskedhim,andhesworehe’snotbeingunfaithfulandneverwouldbe,butsomething’sgoingonwithhim—”
“I’lltalktohim.”
“No.”Shecradledherbelly.“No,I’mprobablywrong.Idon’twanttobloweverythinguponafeeling.”
Idecidedtoexpand.“Clara’sdumbfuckofahusbandmightbecheating.OrhemightbeinnocentandClara’shormonesarerunningwild.”
Elliotshifted,restinghiselbowonthetable.“Ihavecontacts.I’llsendyounames.”
“Whatareyougoingtodoifyoufindsomething?”Westonasked.
Myfingerscurledtightintomypalm.“I’llcrossthatbridgewhenIcometoit.I’vealwaysknownMillerwasanidiot—”
Westonfrowned.“He’syourCFO.”
“He’sgoodwithnumbers.That,Itrusthimwith.”Idraggedmyhanddownmyface,frustratedtobeinthisposition.“IusedtothinkItrustedhimwithmysistertoo.Evenifheisn’tbetrayingher,he’sstressingherout,whichmakeshimanidiot.”
“You’renotlettingthisstand,areyou?”Elliotintoned.Hedidn’tplayaroundwhenitcametohissister.Elise’sex-boyfriendhadmistreatedher,andhe’dbasicallyextractedherfromheroldlifewithoutatrace.Iwascertainheexpectedmyresponsetobenolessmercenaryformysister.
“Iwon’t.First,Ineedtogatherfacts.OnceIknowforsure,I’lldowhatneedstobedone.”
Elliotdippedhischin.“Ihavecontactsforthattoo,ifyouneedthem.”
Westonslowlyshookhishead.“I’veknownyousincewewerelittlekids,butintimeslikethese,IquestionifIevenknowyouatall.”
Ichuckled.“DoesitreallysurpriseyouthatElliothasacontactforeverysituationthatmightarise?”
Elliotliftedashoulder.“It’ssimplygoodplanning.”
“Foreverycontingency,”Iadded.
“Exactly,”heagreed.
Westonletoutasigh.“Iseverythingelsegoingwell?Happywife,happylife?”
“Yeah,alliswellonthemarriagefront.”Ismoothedmytie,onlyhalf-guiltyatthelieIkepttellingthesetwomen.“BeingmarriedtoSaoirseiseasierthanIeverexpected.”
Thatpartwasn’talie.
“I’mglad.Therearen’tmanywomenlikeSaoirseoutthere.”Westonpointedhischopsticksatme.“Butifyoucouldtellyourwifetostoppoachingmyemployees,thatwouldbegreat.I’malreadylosingMilestoher.Shecan’ttakeanyothers.”
Ishothimabemusedgrin.“Whatdoyoumean?”
Hewavedmeoff,pickingupapieceofsushi.“I’monlykidding.Tobehonest,Ihaven’tseenMilesasenthusiasticandcommittedtoanythingsincetheystartedplanningtheirbusiness.Idon’twanttodoanythingtodampenthat.IftheywanttotakeSimonandRebecca,theycanhavethem.Although,IdrawthelineatElise.She’sstayingatAndes.”
Inthebackofmymind,IrememberedSaoirsevaguelymentioningworkingonsomethingwithMiles,butthatwasallitwas.Vague.
Iworkedhardatschoolingmyexpression.IfElliotorWestonhadanyideahowoutoftouchIwaswithmyownwife,theywouldknownoneofthiswasreal.
Butitwasn’tconfusionIhadtoworktofightoff.Itwasdisappointment.
NotinSaoirsebutinmyself.
Ishouldn’thavebeensittingacrossfrommybestfriends,learningimportantinformationaboutmywifefromthem.Iobviouslyhadn’tmadeitcleartoSaoirsethatIwasinterestedinmorethanfuckingher.
Wewereinthisthingtogether.
AndwhatkindofteammatewasItonotknowwhatwasgoingonwithmyotherhalf?
Ashitone.
We’dbetalkingtonight.ChapterThirty
Saoirse
IwasinthedenreadingabookwhenLucaarrivedhome.Insteadofgoingdirectlyupstairslikehenormallydid,hestartledmebypoppinghisheadin.
“Hey.”
IloweredmyKindle.“Hello,you.”
Lucawasyankinghistieloosefromhisthroat.Withhishairslightlydisheveledandthethickstubblelininghisjaw,hewasasightforsoreeyes.I’dgottenusedtoourtoo-briefmeetingsduringtheday.Hehadn’tbeenfreetoday,andI’dbeensurprisedathowfiercelydisappointedI’dbeenwhenhe’dtoldme.
I’dmissedhim.
“Didyoueatdinner?”heasked.
“Idid.You?”
“Iateatmydesk.”Hedrummedhisfingersonthedoorway’smolding.“I’mgoingtogetchangedthenheaddowntothestudio.”
Hisusualroutine,thoughstoppingtotellmehisplanswasnew.“Okay.Havefun.”
Hepaused,sweepinghisgazeoverme.“Joinme?”
“Inyourstudio?”
“Yeah.YoucanbringyourKindle.Hangoutwithmeforawhile.”
Ihoppedupfromthecouchbeforehefinishedasking.“Yes.Yes,Iwantto.”
Hedidanothersweepofme,andfromthewayhiseyeswentheavy-lidded,IrememberedIwaswearingmypajamas—atinypairofshortsandacami.
Igrinned.Thismanhadseenmenakedandbentinhalf,soitbothamusedandpleasedmehewasaffectedbywhatIwore.“I’llchangetoo.”
Hegrunted.“Goodidea.”
Lucaputmeontheloveseatinhisstudio,andhesatonastoolwithabigdrawingpadinhislap,facingme.
“Whatareyoudrawing?”Iasked.
“You,sodon’tmove.”
Iburstoutlaughing.“No,really.”
“Really.I’vebeentryingtodrawyouusingapicture,butIhaven’tgottenitright.You’regoingtobemylivemodel.”
Itiltedmyhead,tryingtoreadhowserioushewas.“Areyoujoking?”
“Notjoking.”Heflippedthepageofhisdrawingpad,holdingitupformetoseethesketch.Irecognizedmyselfimmediately,andmyheartstuttered.Hereallyhadbeendrawingme.“It’snotmybestwork.”
Myeyesrounded.“Youdrewme.Noone’severdrawnme.”
“Shame,”hemuttered.“You’reartinmotion.Youdeservetobecommittedtocanvasforeternity.”
“Luca…”Myhearthadtraveleduptomythroat.Howdidthismanmanagetokeepsurprisingme?
“Tellmeaboutthebusinessyou’restartingwithMiles.”
Mymouthfellopenattheabruptchangeofsubject.“What?”
Hetappedtheeraserofhispencilonhispad.“Westonmentionedyoupoachinghisemployees.Imaginebeingme,havingnoearthlyideawhathewastalkingabout.Isitinthisstudioatnight,tryingtocaptureyourimage.Ispendanhouradayinsideyou.ButIdon’tknowyou.”
“Youwantto?”
“OfcourseIdo.I’msorryifInevermadethatclear.”
Irubbedmylipstogether,vulnerableunderhisclosescrutiny.“It’snotlikeI’vebeenexactlyopenwithyouaboutwhatMilesandIareplanning.Partofmestillcan’tbelievewe’rereallydoingthis.Ifheweren’tinvolvedinitwithme,I’msureIwouldhavegivenuponitalready.”
“Westonsaidhe’senthusiastic.”
“Heis.”IputmyKindledownandleanedmyelbowsonmyknees.“We’regoingtostartabusinessconsultingcompany.Newbusinesseswillcometous,andwe’llbuildplansfortheirlaunch.We’llalsoreworkcurrentbusinessesthatneedhelp.”
ItoldhimeverythingMilesandIhaddiscussed.Thespaceswe’dlookedatforouroffices.Thebudgetwe’dworkedout.Miles’smonetarycontribution.Ourrolesinthecompany.Lucalistenedtomeintently,noddingalongasIspoke.
Heaskedmequestions,notasachallenge,butasifhetrulywantedtoknowmore.AndasIexplainedindeeperdetail,IgainedconfidenceinthedirectionMilesandIweregoing.
“It’sabigrisk,”Isaid.
“Andcommitment.”Hesethisdrawingpadasideandcrossedtheroomtositbesideme.
“Yes.AbiggercommitmentthanI’veevermade.”Ialmostsaidexceptformarryingyou,butthatwasn’ttrue.Wehadanexpirationdate.Runningabusinesswouldn’t.
“Itmeansyou’llbestayinginDenver.”
Inodded.“Well,wecouldreallyworkwithbusinessesanywhere,but…yeah.Ourhomebasewilldefinitelybehere,andatleastinthebeginning,ourfocuswillbeheretoo.”
Hereachedoverandpickedupalockofmyhair,absentlyrunningitbetweenhisfingers.“Nomorebouncingaroundjobs.”
“Idon’tthinkI’llbebored.We’llconstantlybedoingsomethingnew.”
“Doyouknowwhenyou’llbelaunching?”
“Wehaven’tdecidedyet.Wewanttomakesurewe’retrulyreadybeforewebegin.AlthoughKenjitoldmehe’dbeourfirstclient,so…”
Hehuffed,“Kenji,”thenmutteredsomethingabouthisstupidtattoos.Ihadtostiflemygrinathisterritorialism—notjealousy
“Tellmeyou’llbechargingKenji.”
Mymouthfellopen.“OfcourseIwill.WhywouldyouthinkIwouldn’t?”
“Haveyoueverchargedanyofthefriendsyou’vehelpedinthepast?”
“Well,no,but—”
“DidKenjipayyoutoworkathispop-up?”
“Ikeptmytips.”
Hegavemyhairagentletug.“Iwon’tallowyoutosacrificeyourselfanylonger,Saoirse.Iknowthat’syourwholevibe,but—”
“Whatareyoutalkingabout?That’snotmyvibe.”
Thelookheleveledmewithsaidgetreal.“ThefirsttimeImetyou,you’dpurposelyspilledyourdrinkonyourselftoallowawomanwhowasn’tevenyourfriendtobethecenterofattention.Don’ttellmeit’snotyourvibe.”
“Iwouldn’tcallitavibe…”Buthewasn’twrong.“Anyway,you’reluckyI’mthewayIamsinceyou’rebenefitingfromit.”
Hischestmadearumblingsound.“Ihopeyou’vefoundit’sworthit.”
“Theorgasmsmorethanmakeupforhavingyouasaballandchain.”
Thistime,thetugwaslessthangentle.“I’mserious,Saoirse.Recognizeyourworth.YouhavevaluableknowledgeKenjiandtherestofthepeoplehavetakenadvantageofwhentheyshouldbepayingforit.”
“Andtheywill.That’swhyMilesismypartner.He’llbetheonetodiscussmoneysinceI’mapparentlyincapableofit.”
“You’recapableofanything.”
Isuckedinasharpgasp.Theconfidenceinhislowtonesettledinmychest
Lucabelievedinme.
Hereally,trulybelievedinme.
“I’mterrified,Luca.”
“Youhavenoreasontobe.”
“Idon’t?”Isputteredalaugh.“Ihavebeenthinkingaboutdoingsomethinglikethisforyears.AndnowthatIam,IwonderwhothehellIthinkIamtohavetheaudacitytobelieveIcan.Ican’tevenimaginetellingmymotheraboutanyofthis.Icanalmosthearherreactionnow.”
“Herreactiondoesn’tmatter.You’reSaoirseRossi.”
Mynosescrunchedwhilemystomachwhooshed.“Ilikewhenyoucallmethat.”
“Mmm.”Hewrappedmyhairaroundhisfinger.“Listentome,prettygirl.YougrewupwiththeKellynameandalltheexpectationsthatcamewithit.Butthethingis,you’llneverbeyourmother’simage.She’sgotPetertotakeupthatmantle.Youwon’tbeyourfather’simageeither.Lockhasthattakencareof.”
“Yeah,”Iwhispered.
“You’reSaoirseRossinow.Yougettostartanewandbethewomanyouwanttobe.Therearenoexpectations,nopressure.It’suptoyoutoshapeyourpath.IwantyoutoknowI’mfuckingproudofyou.Iadmirethestrengthittakestostrikeoutonyourown.Youmightbescared,butI’vegotyourback,sothere’snoneedforyoutofear.”
Ihadtobitetheinsideofmycheektostopmyselffromcrying.Lucawasbeingsweetandfreakingwonderful.Ididn’twanttomakehimregretitbyburstingintotears.
“IthinkthatwasexactlywhatIneededtohear.”IshiftedtositsidewayssoIcouldbrushhishairfromhisforeheadanddropmyhandtocuphisjaw.“Ihaveyourbacktoo,youknow.Youcanlayyourshittydaysonme,orrant,orwhateveryouneed.Iwanttobethatforyoutoo.”
Heleanedhisfaceintomypalmandslowlyexhaled.“Icouldgetusedtoyouwaytooeasily.”
“I’mnotgoingaway,evenwhenthisisover.”Mystomachtwistedatthethought.“Sogetusedtome.”
“Don’tthinkIhaveachoice.”Hisintensegazelockedonmine.“I’mgoingtodrawyounow.Areyouupforsittingstillforme?”
“I’mnotonetobestill.”Istrokedmyfingersalongtheroughstubbleonhischeek.“Butforyou,I’lltry.”
“That’sallIask.”
Thenextnight,Lucacamehomeandinvitedmedowntohisstudiowithhim.EventhoughwehadbeenabletospendourlunchattheDavenport,hestillwantedtohangout.
Thenightafterthat,hewentupstairsfirsttochange,anddisappointmentfloodedmyveins.ButthenhestoppedinthedenandaskedmeifIwantedtogoforaride.
OfcourseIdid.
Werodethroughthedark,myarmstightaroundhim,andwhenhewasable,hepattedmythighorsqueezedmyhands.BeingonthebackofLuca’smotorcyclewasoneofthesexiestexperiencesI’deverhad.Therewassomethingaboutthepowerfulmachine,combinedwithhisutterconfidenceinhandlingitandbeingwrappedaroundhim,thatmajorlydiditforme.
Hetookmetohisstudiowhenwegotback.Iloungedontheloveseatwithmyfeethangingoverthearm,watchinghimashesketched,alockofhairhangingoverhisforehead,histeethclampeddownonhisfullbottomlip.
Ipressedmythighstogether,butitwasnouse.Iwasmuchtooturnedonfromthatride.TherewouldbenoreliefuntilIslidbetweenmysheetsandtookcareofmyself.
Fornow,I’dlookatthisgorgeousmanandedgemyselfintooblivion.
“Howcanyouworkinanoffice?You’remeantforthewild.”
Withasigh,heloweredhispad.“That’swhatIthought.WhenmydadgotsickandIwasthrustintothisrole,IthoughtIwaslosingmyself.”
“Youdon’tthinksonow?”
Heshookhishead.“Iwasfreebefore,butIwasstagnant,livingalifeI’doutgrownjusttoshowhowmuchcontrolIhadovermychoices.Thetruthis,everythingIdidwasbecauseIdidn’thavecontrol.Ididn’twantmyfather’srole,andIstilldon’t.I’mnothim,andIwon’teverbe.NowthatIhaverealcontrol,I’mfinallygettingtodecidehowIwanttofitthisjobintomylife.Icanstillbeme.Paint,draw,fuck,ride,andtakeonthetitleIwasborntohave.”
“It’stoobadyoufiguredthatoutafteryoutookonaninconvenientwife.”
Hisnostrilsflared.“Youpissmeoffwhenyoucallyourselfthat.”
“I’monlyrepeatingyourwords,Luca.”
“AndIwasanidiottosayit.I’msteadyrightnowbecauseofyou.ThismarriagehasgivenmethebreathingroomtoconcentrateonrunningRossiandnotlosingmyself.Thereisnothinginconvenientaboutbeingmarriedtoyou.Evenifyoudidn’tletmehaveyoursweetpussyeveryday,I’dsaythesame.”
Myfacefloodedwithheatthattrickleddowntomychest.Thismanmanagedtomakemeblushwithhisfilthinesswhilealsofeelingvaluedasaperson.Itwasafirstforme.I’dalreadyknownLucahadsetthestandardforsex,buthewasnowraisingthebarforhowIwastreatedsohighIwasn’tsureanothermanwouldeverreachit.
Iwasstandinginthekitchen,eatingabowloficecream,whenLucaprowledin.
“Comeon.”
Iwavedmyspoon.“I’mbusy.”
“Bringitwithyou.”
Itwistedmylips.“Gowithoutme.I—”
BeforeIcouldfinishteasinghim,hescoopedmeinhisarms.Isquealed,reachingoutblindlyformybowl.Withalaugh,hedippedmetowardthecountersoIcouldgrabitthenswoopedmedowntothestudio.
“Icanwalk,youknow.”
“I’mwellawareofyourlegs,Saoirse.Butthisiseasier.Farlesssass.”
“Youlikemysass.”
Hishandshiftedtogropemybutt.“Ithinkyou’remistaken.IsaidIlikeyourass.”
“Oh,Idefinitelyknowyoulikemyass.Youstareatitlikeapervandfuckitlikeafiend.”
Hesetmedowninfrontofthedoortothestudio,pressingmeagainstit.“Andhowisyourassfeeling,prettygirl?”
Iletmyheadfallbackagainstthedoorandrockedmyhipsagainsthis.“Utterlyravaged.You’reamonster.”
Ithadbeenawkwardtogobacktotheofficeafterhe’dworkedmeoverattheDavenport,butsoveryworthit.NoonehandledmybodyaswellasLucadid.He’dgottenmehooked.Theonefrustratingpartwasweonlyhadanhouradaywewereallowedtoindulge.
Hetrailedhisknucklesalongmyjaw.“Don’tyouforgetit.”
Wetookourspots,meonthecouchwithmyicecream,Lucasketching.He’dshiftedtohiseaselthistime,workingwithcharcoal.
“CanIsee?”Iasked.
“Nope.”
Myspoonpausedmidair.“Youwon’tletmesee?”
Helookedatmeovertheeasel,hismouthtwitching.“Nope.”
“Areyoubeingmeanonpurpose?”
“I’mnotbeingmean.I’matthepointwhereIdon’twantyoutoseeuntilit’sfinished.Can’tyoubepatient?You’llberewardedforit.”
“Fine,ifyouinsist.I’lljustsithereeatingmyicecreamwhileyoukeepsecrets.”
Hesnorted.“Don’tbeabrat.You’llbeinforittomorrowifyouchoosetocontinue.”
Ikickedmylegout,swingingitoverthearmoftheloveseat.“I’lltakemychances.Bythetimeyouletyourselfputyourhandsonmetomorrow,yourannoyancewillhavewaned.”
“Don’tbetonit,prettygirl.Whenitcomestomyhandandyourass,mydesireforthemtoconnectneverlessens.”
“Hmm.”Itwirledafingerinmyhair.“It’sjustreallyunfortunateyouhavetowaituntiltomorrow.Butyou’retheboss…”
Heshotmeanarrow-eyedglareovertheeasel.“I’mactuallynotthateasilymanipulated.”
“ThenIsupposeI’lljustcontinuedrivingyoucrazysinceIalreadyknowwhat’sinstoreforme.”
Hetorehiseyesfrommetoconcentrateonhisdrawing.Icouldseehisfreehandtwitchingonhisknee,anditmademegiddy.Itwasn’tthatIwantedLucatocrossthelineshe’ddrawn.Theywereimportanttohim,andintheend,Ihadtorespectthat.However,IwasperfectlywillingtofrustratehimasmuchasIcould.
Lucainterruptedthequietalittlewhilelater.“I’vebeenwondering.”
“What’sthat?”Iswungmylegsaroundtositup,crossingthembeneathme
“Whyhaven’tyougottenyourcat?”
“Simple.”Itappedmyfingertipsonmychin.“Iwantyoutogowithmetochooseit.”
“Youdo?”
“Ofcourse.Ican’tchooseacatwhohatesyousinceitwillbelivinginyourhouse.”
“Yourhouse,”Lucamurmured.
“Oursharedhouse.Right.We’vebeenbusy,andI’mnotinarush.So,whenwebothhavetimetospare,we’llgotoashelter.”
“WhatifIhateallthecats?”Lucaflickedhiseyestome,asmileplayingonhislips.
“I’dbemoreworriedaboutallthecatshatingyou.”
“What?”Herosefromhisstool,hishandsonhiships.“I’minsulted.”
“Youarenot.”
Heflunghimselfontothecouchbesideme.“Icouldmakeajokeaboutpussylovingme.”
Iscrunchedmynose.“Butyouwouldn’tbecausethatwouldbegross.”
Hekickedhislegsoutstraight,hishandsjoinedbehindhishead.“Itwouldbebeneathme.I’dneverdosuchathing.”Thenheturnedhisheadtowardme.“I’dbegladtogowithyou,prettygirl.Namethetime,andI’llmakeroominmyscheduleforyou.”
“Okay.”
Asuddenwaveofemotioncloggedmythroat,preventingmefromsayinganythingmore.Icouldn’treallypinpointifitwasduetotheprospectoffinallyhavingacatofmyownorthatLucawantedtocomewithme.
WhatIdidknowwastherewassomethingbigbloominginsideme.SomethingnewandunexpectedIneverwouldhavehadwithoutLucaRossi.ChapterThirty-one
Saoirse
“Hey,Niddhi.”
Niddhilookedupfromhercomputerandsmiled.“Hey,Sersh.”
IswirledtheicedlatteI’dpickeduponthewaybackfromtheDavenport.“Ifeellikewehaven’tcaughtupinforever.Areyoudoinganythingfunthisweekend?”
Sheliftedashoulder,hereyesdartingtotheside.“IhaveadatewithaguyImetonHinge.It’saseconddate,actually.”
Despitethepilesofworkwaitingforme,IsatdowninthechairbesideNiddhi’sdesktogetthescooponthisguy.EversinceLucaandIhadstartedourlunchdates,Ihadn’tbeenasintouchwithmycoworkersasIhadinthebeginning.
Itdidn’thelpthattherehadn’tbeenahappyhourforafewweeks.EverytimeIaskedaboutthem,Niddhiexplainedtoomanypeoplehadn’tbeenabletomakeit,sotheyhadn’tbeenhappening.
Disappointingbutunderstandable.
I’dbeenaskedtotempforanothermonth,sohopefully,happyhourswouldstartupagainbecauseImissedthecombinationofcamaraderiemixedwithalcohol.
Afterwork,Isettledinthedenathome.Withmylaptoponmylegs,IabsentlyscrolledthroughInsta,andthatwaswhenIfiguredoutwhathappenedtohappyhour.
I’dclickedfromNiddhi’saccounttoCharlie’s,thenAmelia’s.
MyheartsputteredwhenIviewedAmelia’sstory.
Happyhourhadn’tstopped.
Ihadn’tbeeninvited.
Theproofwasonmyscreen.Amelia,surroundedbymostofmycoworkers,allholdingtheirglassesupandsmiling.Icouldpicturetheirwaitresstellingthemtosay“TGIF.”beforesnappingthepicture.
I’dbeenstupidtothinkhappyhourshadsimplystopped.Ofcoursetheywerehavingthem.Theyjustdidn’twantmethere.
Tearswelledinmyeyes,whichwasridiculous.Theyweren’tmyfriends.Onlymytemporarycoworkers.ButIcouldn’thelpmyfeelingsbeinghurt.Icouldn’trememberatimeI’dfeltsoexcluded.
“Goodevening,prettygirl.Iwasabletobreakawayearly,andIthoughtwecouldgrabdinn—”LucabrokeoffwhenIlookedupathim,hisbrowimmediatelydropping.“Whyareyoucrying?”
Iswipedmyeyeswiththebacksofmyhands.“I’mnot.It’snothing.”
Hesatdownnexttome,glaringatmycomputerasifhecouldfindthesourceofmysadnessanddestroyit.
“Itcan’tbenothingifyou’recrying.Tellmewhatitis,Saoirse.”
“Please,Luca.I’moverreactingoversomethingsilly.”
Hetookmyhandinhis.“Tellmeanyway.Iwon’tthinkit’ssilly.”
IsniffledandclickedonAmelia’sstoryagain,turningthescreensoLucacouldsee.“Theyhadhappyhourwithoutme.”
Hiseyesdartedoverthepicture,takingitin.“Thesearethepeoplewhoworkinyourdepartment?”
“Yeah.Niddhisaidtherehadn’tbeenahappyhourinawhile,butshewassparingmyfeelings.”Isuckedinashudderingbreath,hatingmyselfforbeingsosadaboutthis.“Theydon’twantmethere.”
“Whatthefuck?”Lucaseethed.“Whowouldn’twantyouwiththem?Aretheyallidiots?Ihaveidiotsworkingforme?”
“No,I’msureit’sbecausetheywanttounwindandtalkaboutwork,buttheyprobablydon’tfeelcomfortabledoingthatwithmetheresincewe’remarried.”Iswipedmyeyeagain.“It’sfine.I’mfine.Everything’sfine.”
“Itisn’tfine.”Hisjawworkedashegrittedhismolars.Then,withoutanotherword,hestrodefromtheroom.
Whenhedidn’tcomeback,Iclosedmylaptopandwentintothebathroomtowashmyfaceandattempttogetaholdofmyemotions.Thisreallywassilly.Notworthwastingtearsover.
Myphonebuzzedinmypocket.Itookitout,readingamessagefromClara.
Clara:PleasetellyourhusbandheCANNOTbanallafter-workfraternization.
Clara:Seriously,Saoirse.Stophimbeforehesendsoutthisemail.He’sbeggingforalawsuit.
Me:Whatemail?
Clara:Oh,thankgodyou’rebyyourphone.Lucajustsentmeadraftofanemailhewantstosendtotheentirecompany,banningallfraternizationoutsideworkhours.He’sclearlylosttheplot.
Me:He’shome.I’llgotalktohim.Don’tworry,I’lltakecareofit.
Clara:WhydoIhaveafeelingthishassomethingtodowithyou?
Me:Ithinkitmight.ButI’vegotithandled.
Clara:Tellhimifhesendsoutthatemail,I’mfiringhimasuncle.
Me:I’lllethimknow!!xx
IfoundLucainhishomeoffice,boringholesintohiscomputermonitor.Crossingtheroom,hewatchedmeapproach.WhenIroundedthedesk,hepushedback,givingmeroomtoslideontohislap.
Ihadn’tspentanytimeinthisroom,norhadIeverbeeninthispositionwithhim,butitwasasnaturalasbreathing,especiallywhenhisarmsclosedaroundme.
“Whatareyoudoing,LucaRossi?”
Hiseyessearchedmine.“Yourfeelingsarehurt.”
“Theyare.Butyoucan’tburndownyourentirecompanytomakeupforit.”
Hisbrowsdrewtogetherinahardline.“That’swhereyou’rewrong.IcanandIwill.”
Ishookmyheadandstrokedhistightjaw.“Youcan,butyouwon’t.Claratextedinapanic.”
Hegrunted,holdingmetighter.“Ididwhatsheaskedandsentherthedraftofmyemailbeforesendingittotherestofthecompany.Sherepaysmebygoingtomywife?”
“Shethinksyou’velostyourmind.”
Hishuffofbreathbrushedmyneck.“WhenIwalkedinandsawyoucrying,yourlittlechinwobbling,IdidfeellikeIwaslosingmymind.Ineedtofixit,Saoirse.Iwon’tletyoubehurt.”
“Youknowyoucan’tsendthatemail.”Myfingersmovedtohishair,carvinglinesthroughtheside.“You’vealreadymademefeelbetterbygivingashit.Yourirrationalitysoothesme.”
Hemadeagruntingsound.“Youlikeseeingmegocrazyoveryourtears?”
“Ilikeknowingyoucare.”
Withasigh,hetuckedhisheadbeneathmyjaw,pressingakissonmythroat.“Iknewshewouldn’tletmesendit.”
Isnorted,alreadylighterinhisarms.“Diditfeelgoodtowriteit?”
“Nothingfeelsgoodwhenyou’resad.Ifuckinghateit.”
Weheldeachother,andIslidmyfingersthroughhishair.Hisbreathwaswarmandslowonmyskin,hisfingerssoftandrhythmic,trailingalongmyspine.
“Ican’tworkatRossianymore,”Iwhispered.
Hishandsstilled.“Youcan.”
“Ithinkit’sobviousIcan’t.”
“Iwantyouinthesamebuildingasme.”
“Wedolivetogether.Itisn’tasifIwon’tseeyou.”
Heraisedhishead,glaringatmethesamewayhe’dglaredathismonitor.I’dreplaceditashisenemy,whichmademewanttolaugh,butIhelditinsinceIdidn’tthinkhe’dtakekindlytoit.
“Idon’twantyouworkingforsomeoneelse,”hestated.
Ishookmyhead.“Idon’twanttoworkforanyoneelse.I’mhopingmyrichhusbandwillkeepmeafloatsoIcanthrowmyselfintostartingmybusiness.I’vebeendelayingjumpinginwithbothfeet,butIthinkthisisthepushIneeded.It’stime.”
“Youdon’thavetohope,Saoirse.Anythingyouneed,I’llgiveittoyou.Whataboutofficespace?I’llclearouttheofficebesidemine.Youcanhaveit.”
“IntheRossibuilding?”Henoddedinallseriousness,whichmademesputteralaugh.“Isn’tthatMiller’soffice?”
“Saytheword,andhe’sout.”
Laughingagain,Ipattedhischest.“PoorMiller.IthinkClaramightobjecttoyoukickingherhusbandoutofhisoffice.”
“She’dgetoverit.”
“Luca,”—Idroppedmyforeheadtohis—“you’rebeingsweet.Crazy,yes,butvery,verysweet.”
Hesqueezedmybuttinresponse.
“I’mnotgoingtoworkintheRossibuilding.”
Hesighed.“Iknow,anditpissesmeoff.”
“MaybeI’lltakeoverthisoffice.”
Heleanedbackinhischair,eyeingme.“Youcanhaveit.Ibarelyuseitanyway.Iliketheideaofyouworkinghere.”
“WithMiles.”
Thatmadehislipcurl.“Ihavetoacceptthat?”
“Youdo.He’smypartner.”
“I’myourpartner.Milesisyourcoworker.”
“Sure.”Ibrushedhishairfromhisforehead.“You’rereallygoodatcheeringmeup,youknow.”
“I’mnotdone.Gogetchanged.I’mtakingyoutodinner.”
Iperkedup.“Canwegoonthebike?”
Hislipscurvedashelookedatmewithhisbedroomeyes.“Anythingyouwant,prettygirl.”
WhydidIactuallybelievehemeantthatwholeheartedly?ChapterThirty-two
Luca
Thenextmorning,IwokeupstillaspissedoffasI’dbeenthenightbefore.
TheemailI’dpoundedouthadn’thelped.
Saoirsesoothingme—soothingme—hadn’ttouchedit.
Goingforaridehadn’tbeenthereleaseitnormallywas.
Spendingaquietnightwithmywifeinacozyrestauranthadbeenniceashell,butI’dstillbeenleftwitharoilingangerbeneathmyskin.
Icouldn’tmassacreallthepeoplewho’dputtearsinhereyes.NeitherClaranorSaoirsewouldallowmetodestroymycompanyasvengeance,whichwasextremelyirritating.
So,IfoundmyselfsittingonthesideofSaoirse’sbedwhilesheslept,onlymakingminorattemptstowakeherup
Strokinghercheek.
Slidingmyfingersthroughherhair.
Trailingmyknucklealongherarm.
Pullingthesheetsbacktolookatherinhersilkynightgown.
IthoughtIwasgettingawaywithituntilherlipscurledintoasmile.“Whatareyoudoing,crazyman?”shecroakedout,hereyesstillfirmlyclosed.
“Howdoyouknowit’sme?”
Sherolledtoherside,nuzzlingherfaceonmythigh.“Onlyyouwouldsneakintomyroomtopokeandprodme.”
“Ialsospentsometimelookingatyourtits.”
Herlaughwasmuffledbymyleg.“Youmightbepervy,butatleastyou’rehonest.”Sherolledtoherback,hereyesflutteringopen.“Goodmorning,you.”
“Morning,prettygirl.”
“Whyareyouinmybedroom,sir?”
“I’mwakingyouup,wife.Wehaveplacestobe.”
Sheglancedatthetimeandturnedbacktomewithafurrowbetweenherlightbrows.“Theplacesbetterhavecoffeeanddonuts,orI’mnotgettingoutofbed.”
“Icanmakethathappen.”Ipeeledhersheettherestofthewayoffher,whichwasamistake.Hernightgownhadriddenuptothetopsofherthighs,revealingherbarelittlepussy.“Fuck.Nounderwear?Really?”
Shetuggedthescrapofmaterialdownandsatup,drapingherlegsovermine.“Yousneakintomybedroom,you’reboundtoseemorethanyouexpected.”Thenshemadesuretorubhercalfagainstmydick,whichwasnowstandingatfullattention.“Nowyouhavetodealwiththeconsequencesofyouractions.”
“Icameinherewiththeintenttocheeryouup,”Igruffed.
“Youhave.Lookatmesmiling.”Shepressedhercalfagainstmeagain.“I’mjustreturningthefavorbycheeringyourdickup.”
Icaughtherlegandtosseditoffme.Itwasanecessity.Otherwise,I’dhaveherflatonthemattress,spreadingherlegsinstead.Foramoment,Icouldn’trememberwhythatwasabadidea.
ButthenIremembered.
Boundaries.
Temporary.
Convenience.
IfIcrossedthelinenow,whenmyemotionswerealreadyheightened,whoknewhowmanyothersI’dcross?
IstoodfromSaoirse’sbed,adjustingthebulgebehindmyzipper.
“I’llbewaitingdownstairs.”
Saoirsewasmiffedwetookmycarinsteadofthemotorcycle,butwhenIpulledupinfrontoftheanimalshelteraftertakingheroutforbreakfast,shesquealedwithdelight.
Herfingersdugintomybicep.“Arewegettingacat?”
Ipriedherhandoffmeandnippedatherfingertips.“Ifyoufindoneyoulike,thenyes,we’regettingacat.”
Wehadtheplacetoourselves,thankstoagenerousdonationfromRossiMotors.Saoirsewassoonburiedincats,andIquestionedmychoiceofbringingherhere.
DidIwanttolivewithfivecatsifshecouldn’tpartfromanyofthem?
Hellno.
WouldIbeabletosayno?
Absolutelynot.
Luckily,Saoirsehadmoresensethanme.ShehomedinontheonecatwhodecidedImadeforagoodclimbingpostandclaweditswayupmyleguntilIhadnochoicebuttoholditinmyarms.
Orange.Scruffy.Missinghalfanear.Thethingwasamess.
Saoirsegasped.“Ohmygod.He’ssocute.”Shescratchedbeneathitschin,andthething’stailswished,hittingmeintheface.“You’reabeautifulboy,aren’tyou?Youare.AndyoulikeLuca,don’tyou?Idotoo.Youhavegoodtaste,buddy.”
Ihadtoclearthethicknessfrommythroat.Howdidhearinghertellafuckingcatthatshelikedmemakemefeellikemycollarwasthreesizestoosmall?
“Howdoyouknowit’saboy?”Iasked.
“Orangecatsarealmostalwaysmale,”shesaid.
“Youknowalotaboutcats?”
Shestrokedtheorangefur,asmilecurlingherlips.“I’vewantedoneforever.IusedtocheckoutbooksfromthelibraryabouttakingcareofthemwhenIwaslittle.Backthen,Istillthoughtmymother’smindcouldbechanged.Mydadtriedtoconvincemethebarncatsontheranchweremypets,buttheybarelywantedanythingtodowithhumans.Theydefinitelywouldn’thaveletmeputtheminadress.”
Iturnedtotheside,takingthecatoutofherreach.“He’snotwearingadress.”
Thewomanwhoranthesheltercametowardus.“Iseeyou’vemetClementine.Isn’tshesweet?”
“She?Ithoughtorangecatswerealwaysboys,”Saoirsesaid.
“Eightypercentofthetime,theyare,”thewomanreplied.“Clemisanexceptiontotherule.Shereallydoeshavealovelytemperament,butnoone’stakenherhomeyetduetoherslightlyroughappearance.”
Iclearedmythroatagain,thistimeinindignation.Whoeverhadn’tchosenthiscatwasclearlyanidiot.“Thereisn’tanythingwrongwithher.”
Saoirsecuddledinnexttous,kissingthetopofClem’shead.“She’saprincessandobviouslyhasgreattaste.”
Thewomenagreed,shootingmeawink,andsaidshe’dgiveustimetoplaywithClementine.Thethreeofusendedupsittingonthefloorofaprivateroom,gettingtoknoweachother.
ClemwasjustasaffectionatewithSaoirse,whichwasimportant.Thiswashercat,afterall.
Inthebackofmymind,IknewIwasdiggingmyselfintoaholeitwouldfuckingsucktoclimboutof.Therewasn’tasingledoubtinmymindIwasgoingtofallinlovewiththiscreatureandbreakmyownheartwhenIhadtosaygoodbyetoherattheendofmyandSaoirse’sarrangement.Atthesametime,Icouldn’tsaynotothis.
NotwhenIpicturedSaoirseasalittlegirlwithstacksofcatbooks,promisingtotakecareofthecatallbyherselfandbeingshotdowntimeandtimeagain.
Shewasgettingherdamncat.
Fuckmyheart.Itwouldrecover.
ThesmileonSaoirse’sfacemadewhateverIhadinstoreworthit.
IknewthatbecausewhenIlookedatherandourpreviouslyunwantedcat,Iwascalm.Myurgetodestroyandmaimhadquieted.Thefuturemightbepainful.Imightregretthesedecisionsdowntheline.Butfornow,everythingwasright.
MyparentscameforlunchonSunday.Saoirseandmymothercookedtogether.Clementinesatinmyfather’slapwhilewewatchedthegameintheden.
Helookedgood.Milesbetterthanhehadafewmonthsago.ButI’dneverforgethewasn’tinvincible.Mybig,strong,capablefatherhadnearlybeenbroughtdownbyhisownbody.
ThefourofussatdowntoeattogetherwhileClemcheckedouthernewclimbingtower.
Mymothershookherhead.“Acat.Ineverpicturedyouhavingacat,Luc.”
Dadwipedhispantsoff.“You’llhavetoinvestinlintrollersbythecase.”
SaoirselitupasshetoldthemhowClementinehadchosenme.“Sheclimbedhimlikeatree.AndwhenthewomaninchargeoftheshelterimpliedtherewassomethingwrongwithClem,youshouldhaveseenLuca.Itwaslikeshewastalkingabouthischild.”
Mydadgrunted.“I’dhardlycallamissingearsomethingwrong.Whoarethesepeoplewhosaidthat?”
Mymotherlaughed.“Doyouseewherehegetsitfrom?”
Saoirse’scheekswererosywhenshegrinnedatme.“Ido.WhoknewLucahadsuchamushyheart?”
“Idid,”Momdeclared.“Youcan’tbeabeautifulartistwithoutfeelingthingsdeeply.Whenhewasalittleboy,heoncecametomewithtearsinhiseyes.WhenIaskedhimwhyhewasupset,hesaidhewasn’tsad.Hetoldmehe’dbeenthinkingaboutme,Clara,andDad,andhisheartgotsobigitfeltlikehischestwasgoingtoburst.Ashegotolder,hedisguisedthatsideofhimbehindhiscool-guyfront,butIknowwhatliesbeneath.”
“Idotoo.Aren’twelucky?”
Saoirsesqueezedmylegunderthetable,keepingherfocusonmymom.ThankChrist,becauseIrememberedtheincidentshewastalkingabout.Mymotherundersoldthedramaticsofeight-year-oldLuca.I’dbeensobbing,almosthysterical,overhowmuchIlovedmyfamily.
Weirdkid.
AtleastIhiditbetternow.
Dadwipedhismouth.“Areyoufindingtimeforthatthesedays?”
“That?”Ileanedbackinmychair.“Youmeanmyart?”
“Mmm.FromwhatClarasays,you’reatRossilaterthanhermostdays.”
“You’recheckinguponme?”Itcameoutharsherthanintended,butthiswasasorelineofquestioning.Whilemymotherhadcultivatedmylittleartistheart,myfatherhadneverquiteunderstoodme.Hewasallfactsandnumbers.ItmadehimagreatCEO,butIdidn’tworkthesamewayandneverwould.
Hisbrowwinged.“Ihadaconversationwithmydaughter,Luca.Youcameupinconversation.I’mnotspyingonyou.I’minterestedinbothyouandmycompany.”
“Mycompany,”Icorrected.
“Notbecauseyouwantit.”
Myarmsfoldedovermychest.“Doesitmatterwhyit’smine?Thefactisitis.Andsinceyou’recheckinguponme,Ipresumeyou’rewatchingourstockprices.”
“OfcourseIam.IhaveavestedinterestinRossi.That’smyretirement.Mylegacy.”
“Minetoo,”Ireplied.
“There’snoneedforyoutogetyourbackup,Luca.I’mnottellingyouhowtorunthings.I’mnotgoingtowedgemywaybackin.Rossiisyours.Ishouldbeabletoaskquestionswithoutitbeingviewedasanattackonyou.”Dadfoldedhisarmstoo,mirroringmypose.
“Thenaskme.”
Hecockedhishead.“Iwould.Ifourconversationsdidn’tdevolveintoyoufeelinglikeIdon’ttrustyourdecision-makingabilities.”
Ihuffed.“Doyou?”
“Ido,orIwouldn’thaveputmyfullsupportbehindyou.”HegesturedtoSaoirse.“Itrustedyouimplicitly,evenwhenyouwereinthethroesofrebelling.Ialwaysknewyouwouldrisetotherolewhenitwastime.Andlookatyou,takingthereinsofRossiwithoutfalteringeventhoughitcamealotsoonerthaneitherofusexpected.Youmarriedabeautifulwoman,andyou’remakingahomewithher.Iknewyouhadthisinyou,Luca.”
“I’llneverbeyou.”
Momspokeup.“Noonewantsyoutobeyourfather.Hecertainlydoesn’t.”
Dadnoddedsharply.“IhaveClaraasmyclone.Idon’tneedtwo.”
Mymotherreachedacrossthetable,palmup.Slowly,Dadunfoldedhisarmstomeetherinthemiddle,enfoldingherhandinhis.
“Rossineededabreathoffreshair,”Momsaid.“Andyourfatherneededareasontostepdown.Hewon’tadmiteither,butheknowsI’mright.”
Dadgruntedagain,hismouthpullingintoafrown,butthewayhelookedatherwassoftasalways,andheheldherhandtight,notdenyingheropinion.
Blessthatfuckingcat.Clementinechosethatmomenttowalkrightuptoasmallsucculentinaclaypotsittingontheedgeofashelfandbatitwithherpaw.Itplummetedtothefloorwhileshewatched,shatteringintoamillionpieces.Thenshesatonherprincessassandstartedgroomingherselfasifshehadn’tjustcommittedmayhemfornogoodreason.
Aftermyparentsleft,SaoirseandIendedupintheden,withClempassedoutonthecouchbetweenus.
“Ithinkyouneededtohavethatconversationwithyourdad,”shesaid.
Igrunted,whichmadeherlaugh.Myeyesnarrowed.“What?”
“Yousoundedexactlylikehim.”
“I’mnothinglikehim.”
“Okay.”SheabsentlystrokedClementine’sback.“Yourparentsarereallyinlove.It’snicetosee.IthinkmyparentswerelikethatwhenIwasyoung,butlife…”
“IonceheardmymothertellClarathekeytoherlongandhappymarriageischoosingeachother.Thechoicedidn’thappenonlyonceatthealtar.Theyhavecontinuedtochooseeachotherthroughouttheirlivestogether.”
Saoirsenoddedslowly.“Myparentschoseeachotheronce,thenletthechipsfallwheretheymayafter.”Sheslungherfootovermine,whereitrestedontheottoman.“Whenyougetmarriedforreal,you’llhavetorememberthat.Chooseherandkeepchoosingher.”
Mymotherhadbeenright.I’dgottenalotbetteratdealingwithmyemotionsovertheyears.Theydidn’tburstoutofmeanymore.Theywerethere,containedbutjustaspowerful.
Andwhatmywifejustsaidtome?IfeltthatdeepChapterThirty-three
Luca
“Bendover.Handsaroundyourankles.”
Saoirsearchedabrowatme.“Nohello?Howareyou?”
Herasswasaskingformyhand,soIgaveherwhatshewanted,smackingherbareflesh.“I’mnotreallyinthemoodforjokes.”
Notwithherstandinginfrontofmenaked,herclothespuddledonthecarpet.NotwhenithadbeenoveraweeksinceI’dbeeninsideher.
SaoirsefinishedhertenureatRossithreeweeksago.MileshadtimedhisdeparturefromAndestocoincidewithhers.Sincethen,they’dthrownthemselvesintotheirbusiness,whichthey’ddubbedPeakStrategies.
Irespectedthattheydidn’twanttocashinontheirfamilynames,butaferalpartofmewishedSaoirsehadusedRossi.Notformetoclaimherbusiness,butsoanyonewhometwithherwouldknowshewasclaimed.Thebigrocksheworeonherfingerwasn’tenoughforme.
Neitherwasthetimewewereabletospendtogether.
Notworkinginthesamebuildingmeantourlunchmeetingsweremoredifficulttoarrange.SaoirseandMilesusedthecondoastheiroffice,andIwasstrappedtomydeskatRossi,inthemidstofaninternalauditontopofmyregularduties.
Breakingawayduringthedayhadbecomemostlyimpossible.
Oureveningshadbeenspenteitherworking,spendingtimewithmyfamily,oratclientdinners.
Whichwaswhyithadbeenaweeksincewe’ddonethis.Sixdaystoolong.EspeciallywhenIliveddayin,dayoutwiththiswoman.Herscent.Herlonglegs.Tinypajamas.Sensualpresence.Ispentmoretimehardthannot.
MyboundariesweresofuckingblurredIbarelysawthem.Thisonewasthelastonestanding.Wesleptapart.Wedidn’tfuckathome.
ButIwasplayingalosinggame.
AbattleIcouldalreadyseetheoutcomeof,andIwouldn’tbethewinner.
IwassureofthatasIslidintomywifeandmyeyesrolledbackfromthesheereuphoriaofbeingenvelopedinherperfect,slickheat.
Shewasbentinhalfforme.Cryingmynameasmypelvismetherass.Clenchingaroundmeanddrawingmeinformore.
Butitwasn’tenough.
Ipulledoutandspunheraround,standingherupstraight.“Comehere.”
Wemovedtothebed,mybackagainsttheheadboard,Saoirseinmylap,mycockdeepinsideher.Sherockedherhips,takingmedeep,thenretreating,thevelvetglideofherinnerwallselicitingvibratinggroansfromme.
“There’smygirl.”Icuppedthebackofherheadanddippedmylipstohers.Sheopenedforme,touchinghertonguetomine.Shewasassweetasever,delicious,exciting,yetfamiliar.
Herforeheadrolledagainstmine.“Imissedyou.”
“Goodgod,didImissyou.”
“Maybeyouweren’tsooffbasetryingtogivemeMiller’soffice.”
Igroanedagain,butitwasn’tfrompleasure.“NeversayhisnameagainwhileI’minsideyou.”
Shelaughed,whichmadeherclencharoundme.“Sorry,babe.IjustmeantIhatenotseeingyouduringtheday.Yougotmeusedtohavingyou.”
Mymouthcoveredhersagain.Itwasimpossibletostayaway.Cuppingherbreasts,Itwistedhernipplesbetweenmyfingers.Shewhimpered,andIswalloweditdown.
“Luca,”shepanted.“Youfeelsogood.”
“Youfeellikethebestdream,prettygirl.”Islidmyhandstoherhipsandpressedherdownonme.“Youhavetogoharder.Ridemelikeyoumissedme.”
“ItoldyouIdid.”Shereachedoverme,grippingthetopoftheheadboardforleverage.“Youcanhavemeanytimeyouwant,youknow.I’myours.”
Butwebothknewthatwasn’ttrue.EverythingIhadwithherwasborrowed.Whatshegavemeofherselfwouldbetakenbackintheend.
Thethoughtsentawaveofangeroverme.Islammedherdownonmycockandraisedmyhips.Onehandslappeddownonmyshoulder,nailsdiggingintomeasshegaspedandmoaned.
“Yes,Luca,yes.Ineeditlikethat.”
Myhandcamedownonherass.“You’llgetithowIgiveittoyou.”
Hernailsrakedupthesideofmyneck.“Don’tbemean.IwantmysweetLucaasyoupoundmypussy.”
“Filthylittlemouth.”Inippedatherbottomlip.“Drivingmecrazy.”
Shemoanedandgrounddownonme,takingmedeepandkeepingmethere.“Iplayedwithmyselflastnight.IleanedagainstthewallbetweenourroomssoIcouldbeclosetoyouwhenIcame.”
Ittookallmywillpowernottosqueezemyeyesshut.Thiswomanwasgoingtobetheendofme.“IthoughtIheardyoumoaning.”
“Ibetyoudid.Ididn’thideit.Iwantedyoutoburstinandwatchmelikeyoudidbefore.”
“Fuck,Saoirse.”Ithrustintoherfrombelow,spearingmycockintoherwetheatoverandover.
Herlittleassslappedagainstme,herwildeyeslockedwithmine.Weworkedeachother,takingouttheweeklongfrustrationwithnailsandteethandtongues.Butitwasmorethanjustfucking,andithadbeenforalongtime.Thiswasareleaseofthefeelingswedidn’tsay.Achancetobeclosethatwasn’tallowedinanyotherway.
Itwouldbeoverinnotime.
AndI’dwantitalloveragain.
Iwantedmorethanthis.
Everythingmighthavebeenenough.
ButI’dhavetosettleforthis.Herbodybeingmine.Hereyesonme.Mynameonherlips.Myseedcoatingher.MyclaimonSaoirsemighthavebeentemporary,butitwaspowerful.Shewasmine,andIwassofuckinghers,Icouldn’tseestraight.
“I’mgoingtocome.”AsifIcouldn’talreadyfeelherswellingandpulsing.
“Iknowyourbody,prettygirl.I’mreadyforyou.”
Shetookmeasfarasshecouldandrockedagainstme,herclithittingmypelvis.Herheadlolledback,givingmetheopeningIneededtosuckherthroatandbitedownonthecrookofherneck
IwaitedforhertobeginthefallbeforeIallowedmyselftoletgoandjoinher.Armswrappedaroundslickbodies,weembraced,holdingonaspowerfulshudderstraveledfromherbodytomine.Airwasinshortsupply,sowesharedit,heavinglungfulsateachother.Hotandthready,passingbackandforth.
Minutespassed,breathingbecamesomewhatnormal,andIfoundmyselfflatonmybackwithSaoirsesprawledontopofme.
“Clemsatinherwindowslingthismorning,”Saoirsesaid.
Iraisedmyhead.“Shedid?Didyoutakeapicture?”
“OfcourseIdid.”Sherolledtothesidetograbherphonefromthenightstandandturneditontoshowmethescreen.
Ourcat.Icouldn’tdenyClementinewasasmuchmineasSaoirse’s.ShewasVelcro,eitherattachedtomeorher.Shewasn’tacatwhoneededspace.
I’dboughtheraslingthatattachedtothewindowsinthelivingroom,thinkingshe’dliketolookoutatthecity.Sofar,she’donlysatinitforasecondortwobeforefranticallymeowinglikewewerelightinghertailonfire.
ButthereshewasonSaoirse’sphone,relaxedandregal,liketheprincessshewas,curledupinthesling,hertaillazilyhangingofftheside.
“Howlongdidshestaythere?”Iasked.
“Anhour.Shefellasleepthere.Ithinkshewouldhavestayedlonger,butMilesstartedsinging‘MoMoneyMoProblems,’andshewokeup.”
Turningthescreenoff,Itossedthephoneaside.“Milessawherinthesling?”
“Yeah.”Shetrailedherfingersalongmychest.“Areyoujealous?”
“Territorial.Heshouldn’tgettoseemycatintheslingIboughtherbeforeIdo.”
“Itoldhimtoclosehiseyes.”
“Good.”
Shesnorted.“Iwaskiddingaboutthat.Atleastyou’llbehappytoknowClemstilldoesn’tlikehim.”
“Didshescratchhim?”
“No.Howcouldyouthinkshe’deverdosomethingthatviolent?Shejustgiveshimthecoldshoulderandswisheshertailathim.”
“Assheshould.”
Saoirsepattedmychestthendroppedakissovermyheart.“SheknowswhoherDaddyis.”
Igrunted.“Don’tpatronizeme.”
“Iwouldnever.”Shekissedmeagain.“Now,tellmeaboutthedinneryou’retakingmetotonight.WhoamIimpressing?”
IrolledsoIwasontopofher,spreadingherlegstofitmyselfbetweenthem.Ournosesweretiptotip,andIdraggedminealonghers.
“Theonlyoneyouhavetoimpressisme,andthat’sagiven.”
Hersmilewaswhitelightningupclose.“Ilikeyousomuch,Luca.”
“Thenputyourlipsonmeandshowme.”ChapterThirty-four
Saoirse
ClemwovebetweenmyfeetasIwalked.Whenwegothertwomonthsago,thismaneuverofhersnearlysentmesprawling.Butwe’dworkedoutasystem—shedidwhatshewanted,andIlearnedtoadapt.
LucawalkedthroughthefrontdoorjustasIpassedtheentry.Clemimmediatelydetachedfrommetoattachtohim.
“Hello,you.”
“Hey,prettygirl.”
HepickedClemupandcrossedtome,droppingaquickkisstomycheek,eventhoughIwasachingforsomuchmore.Lucawassteadfastinhisdeterminationtokeepourphysicalinteractionsoutsideofourhome,andIhateditwiththepassionofathousandburningsuns.
Iconstantlymissedhim,evenwhenhewasrightinfrontofme.
Itwaslikehavinghalfofhim.
NotthatIwasasexfiend.ItwasmorethatIwasaLucafiend.Iwouldhavesettledforacuddle,buthewouldn’tevengivemethat.
Iplayedoffmydisappointment,archingabrow.“Areyoutalkingtomeorthecat?”
HekissedthetopofClem’shead.“You’remyprettygirl.Clementineismyprincess.”
Ileanedintothetwoofthem,stealingalittlebitofcontact.“Asitshouldbe.Bytheway,Clara’sspendingthenight.”
Luca’sheadjerkedup.“What?Why?”
Myshoulderlifted.“Shesaidshecan’tgetcomfortableinherownbedandhasbeendreamingaboutyourguestbed.Itoldherofcourseshecanspendthenightatourplace.Asmanynightsassheneeds.”
Clarawasamonthawayfromherduedate.Shehadn’treallysloweddown,despitethebeachballshewascarryinginfront,andshenevercomplained.So,whenshecalledmethisafternoonandhervoicecrackedwhenshetoldmehowtiredshewas,Iimmediatelyinvitedher.HowcouldInot?
LucaputClemdownsohecouldshovehishandsintohishair.“It’sgoingtolookawfullystrangewhenyouandIdon’tshareabedroom.”
Icurledmyfingersaroundhiswrists,pullinghishandsdowntohisside.“IsentMileshomeearlysoIcouldcleanouteverytraceofmyselffrommybedroomandmovemythingstoyourroom.I’msorrytotellyou,you’llhavetoshareyourbedwithmeforanightortwo,butI’veheardIsleeplikeacorpse,soitshouldn’tbetoomuchofaburden.”
Lucadidn’tlookanylessrelieved.Ifanything,heseemedtobehorrified,whichwasadaggertomychest.Iwasstarvedforhim,andhewasreactinglikesharingabedwithmewashisworstnightmare.
“FuckingClara,”hemuttered.“Howlongisshestaying?”
“Shedidn’tsay.”Ichewedontheinsideofmycheekwhileheboredholesintothefloor.“I’mnotpickyaboutwhereIsleep.I’lljustsleepontheflo—”
“You’renotsleepingonthefloor,Saoirse.”HeglaredatmelikeIwasenemynumberone.“WemanagedjustfineinWyoming,we’llbefineheretoo.Itjusttookmeaminutetocometotermswithit.”
Deargod.Hehadtocometotermswithsleepingwithme.Ididn’tthinkherealizedhowawfulthatsounded.Lucawasn’tacruelperson,andhemadehisaffectionformeobvious.Wehadbecomegoodfriendsoverthepastfewmonths,butthatwaswhereitendedforhim.
Besidesthehotelsex,ofcourse.
I’dfallenforhim.
Ihadn’tmeantto.Ithadn’tbeenpartoftheplan.Butithadbeenimpossiblenotto.
IwalkedoutofthebathroominsweatpantsandLuca’sT-shirt.Myskinalreadyitchedfromalltheextrafabric,butitwasforthebest.Wearingmynormalskimpypajamasdidn’treallyseemfairtoeitherofus.
Lucawasinbed,hisbackagainsttheheadboard,laptoponhislegs.Heglancedatmeoverthescreen.
“Whatareyouwearing?”hegroused.
“Mypajamas.”Iclimbedintobed,situatingmyselfontheedge,andgrabbedmyKindle.
He’dbeengrumpywithmeallnight,thoughhewassweettoClara,makingsureshehadeverythingsheneededintheguestroomdownthehall.Shehadn’tevenpeekedintomybedroom,somovingallmythingsprobablyhadn’tbeennecessary,butitwasbettersafethansorry.
Lucawasstilllookingatme.“Thosearen’tyourpajamas.”
IpluckedatmyT-shirt.“Iborrowedthis.IpromisetowashitbeforeIreturnit.”
“Idon’tmindmyclothessmellinglikeyou,Saoirse.I’mwonderingwhyyou’rewearingthem.”
“It’sbetterthisway.”
IturnedonmyKindle,blindlyflippingthepageswhilehestared.Eventually,helookedawayfromme,returninghisattentiontohiscomputer.
Inmyhead,IrolledtoLuca’ssideofthebedandsnuggledintohissidewhileIreadandheworked.Inmyfantasy,everyonceinawhile,he’dreachover,strokemyhair,ordropakissonthetopofmyhead.
Instead,wespentthenexthourinsilence,acoldstretchofmattressbetweenus.Eventually,Igaveinandsaidgoodnight.Icouldn’tstandonemoreminuteofthisstrainedatmosphere.
Besides,Iwastired.Startinganewcompanywasnojoke.PeakStrategiesofficiallyhadtwoclients.Kenjiandatechstartup.Actualstrangershadhiredus.MilesandIhadbeenthrowingourwholeselvesintothisventure.
TheproblemwasIcouldn’tgetcomfortable.Mylegsfeltliketheyweretangledinfabric,andmyshirtkepttwistingaroundmytorsoeverytimeImoved.ButIcouldn’tstopmovingbecauseIwasbeingsuffocatedbymyownpajamas.
So,Iturned.
Rolled.
Flopped.
Sighedoutmyfrustrations.
“Isthisyousleepinglikeacorpse?”Lucahadclosedhislaptopandturnedoffthelightsawhileago.I’dassumedhewasasleep.Obviously,I’dbeenwrong.
“Sorry.I’mtryingtogetcomfortable.I’llbestill.”
Itried.Ireallydid.IlaythereuntilLuca’sbreathingevenedoutandtriedtoconvincemyselfitwassoothing.Anditwas.ItwasjustthatIfeltlikeIhadropesaroundmylegs.
Idecidedtokickoffmysweatpants.Iwasunderthecovers,sohewouldn’tseeifhehappenedtowakeupbeforeme.
Raisingmyhips,Iwiggledtheloosepantsdown.TheywerearoundmykneeswhenLucaclearedhisthroat.
“What’shappeningnow?”
Ishovedthemtherestofthewayoff.“Itookoffmypants.”
“IsthisaseductiontechniqueI’munawareof?”
“It’snot.Ithoughtyouwereasleep.”
“Iwas,butthenthebedstartedrockingandrolling.”
Isnorted,rubbingmybarelegsonthesmoothsheets.Muchbetter.“You’rebeingdramatic.”
“Saysthewomanflailingabout.Justputonyourregularpajamas.Icancontrolmyself.”
“Iwasbeingthoughtful,Luca.There’snoneedtoberudeaboutit.Anyway,I’mfinenowthatItookmypantsoff.I’llsurvivethenight.”
Hemadeagrumblingsound.“Gotosleep.”
“Iplantowhenyoustoptalkingtome.”
Hewentquietthen,andIstaredupattheceiling,tryingtoforcemyselfnottowishforhisarmsaroundme.
Eventually,Ifellasleep.
Iwoketoahandonmybarebreastandmybackcradledagainstahardchest.Luca’shotbreathwasonmyneck,andinhissleep,histhumbrubbedmybeadednipple.
“Youtookyourshirtoff,”hemurmured.
Okay,notsleeping.
Iopenedmyeyes,peeringdownatmyself.Iwasnakedexceptformyunderwear.
“Shit.Idon’trememberdoingthat.”
Hislaughwasgrittyandlow.“Youreallyhatewearingclothestobed.”
“Despiseit.”Iwiggledbacktostealsomeofhisheat.“Howdidweendupinthisposition?”
“Iwokeuphere.”
“Andyoudidn’timmediatelyvaultoutofthebed?”
Histeethnippedmyshoulder.“Areyoucomplaining?”
“Justasking.Ihavenocomplaintsatall.”
Westayedlikethat,Lucaholdingmeandstrokingmybreast,meprettymuchbaskinginthecontact.Hewasaroused,andmypantiesweresoaked,butneitherofusmadeamovetotakeitfurther.
Inalotofways,thiswasasfaraswe’devergone.Theintimacyofthesequietmomentssoakedbeneathmyskinandembeddedinmyheart.Iwantedthis,butIwassoafraidtovoiceit.Lucahadbeenexplicitinwhatthiswasandwasn’t,andhehadn’twaveredfromthat.
Wasthiswavering?
Ishutmyeyes,closedoffmythoughts,andenjoyedtheunparalleledblissofwakinginthisman’sarms.
Clarashowednosignsofgoinghome.Thiswasherthirdnighthere,andjudgingbyhowclearhereyeshadbeenthelasttwomornings,shereallywasrestingbetterinourguestroom.
NeitherLucanorIcouldpossiblybegrudgeherpresence.Clementinehadtakentoheralso,curlingaroundherbellywhenClarasatdown,purringtoherlittleheart’scontent.
Islippedbetweenthesheetswearingablacksatinnightgown.Itwasmylongest,leastembellishedgown.ButLucalookedatmelikeIwasarmedtotheteeth.
Hewasonhisback,readinganovel.I’dlearnedLucapreferredsciencefiction.Butheresteditonhischesttolookatme.
“Hey,you,”Isaidsoftly.
Withasigh,heknockedhisbooktothefloorandopenedhisarms.“Comehere.”
Withoutasinglebeatofhesitation,Ithrewmyselfontohim.Mylegdrapedoverhis,armcurledaroundhisbaremiddle,myheadsnuggledonhisshoulder.Lockinghishandonmyhip,hedraggedmealittlecloser.
Neitherofussaidawordaboutwhatweweredoing.Itwaslikewebothknewifwedid,itwouldbreakthespell.Wewouldhaverememberedwhythiswasoff-limits.
Iwasn’tgoingtobetheonetoreplacethespacebetweenus.Lucawouldhavetokickmeacrossthemattresstoberidofme.
“I’mworriedaboutClara.”
Hissuddenspeechstartledme.“Aboutherpregnancy?”
“Notsomuchthat.She’shandlingthephysicalstuffprettywell.Awhileago,shecametomeandtoldmesomethingwasoffwithMiller.She’daskedhimifhewascheating,whichhedenied.”
Ishuddered.“Ican’tpictureClarasleepingwithMiller,letaloneanyoneelse.”
Hisgriptightened.“Pleasedon’ttry.I’malreadyhorrifiedwhenIthinkabouthowshegotknockedup.”
Thatmademelaughalittle.“Hasshesaidanythingelselately?”
“No,andthat’swhyI’mworried.EverytimeI’vetriedtobroachthesubject,sheshutsmedown.Iwashopingthingswerebetter.Hell,IevenhiredaPIwho’dfoundnothingonhim.Butshe’shere.”
“Andhe’snot,”Ifilledin.
“Yeah.”Hischestrosewhenhesuckedinadeepbreath.“I’matafuckingloss.Ifshedoesn’topenuptome,howdoIhelpher?”
Iraisedmyhead,lookingathisworriedface.“Giveherspaceandsupport.Letherstayherewithoutquestioningwhy.It’snotsobadhavingherhere,isit?”
Theangerinhisgazeebbedashiseyesflowedoverme.Hereachedupandtuckedalockofmyhairbehindmyear,thendraggedhisknucklesalongmyjaw.
Ididn’tbreatheashetouchedmewithagentlenessthatwasforeignandreverent.
“It’snotsobad,right?”Iwhispered.
“No,”heagreed.“Itisn’tbadatall.”
Hecuppedmycrown,drawingmedowntohim.Ourlipsmetinatentativecaress.Testingthewaters.Takingasip,thenanother.
ButIwassothirstyforLucathatonesiporahundredwouldneverbeenough.
Atfirst,allwedidwaskissandkissandkiss.Slowandsoft.Deepandsearching.Fingersinhair.Myhandoverhisheart.Hisholdingmetightagainsthim.
Wewerecarefulwithoneanotherinawaywehadneverbeen.Iwasachy,likeIhadtheflu.MyneedforLuca’stouchhadseepedintomybones.Eachslideofhishandovermysilkynightgownsoothed.
ButitwaswhenheshiftedussohischestwasontopofminethatImeltedandtensionflowedoutofmeinraggedrivers.
Wordsweren’tspoken.Therewasnodiscussionwhenheslippedmynightgownoffandloweredhissleeppants.Ourheatedskinmeldedlikeitwasalwaysmeanttobetouching.
Lucadidn’tcommandme.Ididn’tsasshim.Thiswasdifferentthanalltheothertimes,yetexactlythesame.Hisbodyknewmine.WeweredrawntoeachotherinawayI’dneverbeendrawntoanyoneelse.EvenaswebroketherulesinLuca’squiet,dimlylitbedroom,thathadn’tchanged.Heheldmystrings,andIdancedforhim,thoughitwasalanguid,sultrypasdedeuxinsteadoftheusualfierytango.
Lucapressedmythighsapartasheburiedhisfacebetweenthem.Icoveredmymouthwiththebackofmyhand,mufflingthemoansheelicitedfrommewiththeflatofhistongueonmyslick,swollenflesh.Inthebackofmymind,IstillfearedifIwastooloud,thespellwouldbreak.
AndIwoulddieifthespellbroke.
WhenIreachedmypeak,Luca’spalmtraveledupmytorsoandrestedovermythrashingheart.Thehearthe’dunknowinglyunlockedandsetfree.
Icrumbledthen.Crumbledandfellevenharderforthisman.
Whenheclimbedovermeandstareddownatmyface,Ithoughttherewasnowayhecouldn’treadthemagnitudeofmyfeelingsforhim.Butifhedid,heshowednosigns.Heremainedintenseandfocusedonme,fittinghimselfinsidemeinonesmoothstroke.
Hemovedaboveme,intome,advancingandretreating,butneverforlong.Assoonasheslidout,hepushedbackin,somehowdeepereverytime.Whenweweren’tkissing,wewerecaressing,stroking,touching.Eyeslocked,pantingbreathsexchangingairthatwasn’tmineorhisbutours.
Lucawasn’tinlovewithme.Hecaredforme,though.Deeply,tenderly.Andhewasshowingmewithoutanyrestraint.
Iwasn’tcertaintheunboundemotionsrunningrampantwithinmecouldbecalledloveeither.ButIsuspectedthatwaswhatthiswas,andIcouldn’tkeepthemneatlytuckedaway.
Ididn’twanttoterrifyhimeither.
So,Iclosedmyeyesandkissedhimhard,loopingmyarmsaroundhisneck,lockingmylegsaroundhismiddle.
ItoldhimwithmybodythatIwantedhim,wantedhim,wantedhim.
Heansweredbygivingmemoreandmoreandmore.
Wecametogetherwithakissthatwasmoreexaltationthanameetingoflips.IsaidLuca’snamewithmytongueonhis.Heutteredmineintheflutteringpecksheplacedonmylips.Myneckarched,liftingmychin,mycriesofpleasureringingfrommelikebellsinatower.Luca’sheadbowednexttomine,sowewerecheektocheek,andhisgroansbecameachoruswithmycriesuntiltherewasnothingleftbuttheechoesofus.
WestayedconnectedevenasLucarolledustooursides.Iscuttledcloser,mylegoverhiship,keepinghimthere.
“Don’tmove,”Imurmured,hidingmyfaceinhischest.
“Idon’tthinkIcouldifIwantedto.”Hislipstouchedthetopofmyhead,exactlyastheydidinmyfantasies
“Justalittlewhilelonger.Stay.”
“I’mnotgoinganywhere,prettygirl.”
IfellasleepwithLucainsideme,aroundme,overme.
Ihadneversleptbetterinmylife.ChapterThirty-five
Saoirse
OnthefourthmorningofClara’sstay,Ifoundherinthekitchenmakingbreakfast.Lucahadalreadyleftforwork,soIwassurprisedtoseeherthere.Shewasnormallyattheofficebeforehim.
“Goinginlate?”Iasked.
Shegroaned,herhandrestingonherbelly.“Iwasmovingslowlythismorning.”
“Ithinkyouhaveaperfectlyreasonableexcuseforslowingdowningeneral.”
Shewavedmeoff.“Nonsense.I’llhavethreemonthsofmaternityleave,andnodoubtI’llbeclimbingthewallsbytheendofit.Idon’twanttobeginthatearlierthanIhaveto.Besides,myjobisn’tveryphysicallytaxing.It’sthewholeheavingmyselffrombedandmakingmyselfpresentablethattakestwiceasmuchenergyasitusedto.”
Islidinnexttoher,wrappingmyarmaroundhershouldersandsqueezing.“Well,youlookabsolutelygorgeous,ifthatmakesyoufeelanybetter.”
Sheknockedherheadagainstmyshoulderandgrinned.“Comingfrommygorgeoussister-in-law,itdoesindeed.Although,IruethedayIhavetoseeyouwalkingaroundglowingandpregnant.You’resotall,Ibetyourbumpwillbetiny,andI’llseethewithjealousy.Ijustknowit.”
WhenIdidn’tlaugh,Claraturnedhersharpeyesonme.IgaveherthewarmestsmileIcouldmuster.
IhatedlyinganymorethanIhadto,soIansweredcarefully.“I’mnotsurewhenthatwillhappen.”
Herhandflewtohermouth.“Oh,lookatme,speakingoutofturn.It’sthisbabyinme,suckingmybrainsout.Beforethis,Ineverwouldhavepresumedawomanhadplanstobecomeamother.Forgiveme?”
“OfcourseIforgiveyou.Youdidn’tdoanythingwrong.”
Flustered,Imademyselfbusypouringacupofcoffee.Mileswouldbeheresoontostartourworkday.WehadameetingwithKenji,soIneededtograbbreakfastbeforeeverythingstartedrolling.
ThenIrememberedhowworriedLucawasabouthissister.Shehadn’tbeenreceptivetohimpryingintohermarriage,butmaybeshe’dtalktome.
“Willyoubehereagaintonight?”Iwasgoingforcasual,peeringatherovermysteamingcoffee.
Claraleanedherhiponthecounter.“Ifit’sokay,I’dliketostayanothernight.”
“Youdon’thavetoask,Clara.Wetalkedaboutitlastnightandagreedhowmuchwelikehavingyouhere.”
Herbrowwinged.“Mybrotherdoesn’tmindmeintrudingonhisnewlyweddedbliss?”
Ilaughed.“Hereallydoesn’t.”Isetmymugonthecounterandopenedaboxofgranola.“DoyouthinkMillerwouldliketostayovertoo?We’dlovetohavehim.”
“Oh,no,that’sokay,I—”shecutherselfoff,turningtowardthesink.Suddenly,shewasinterestedinwashingherplateandglass.I’dstruckanerve.
“I’msorry.Ifyouwanttotalk,I’mhere,butIwon’tpress.”Imadeashowofpouringmygranolaintoabowlsoshewouldrelax.Iwasn’tgoingtobadgerher.
Thensheturnedaroundwithtearsinhereyes.“Idon’tknowwhat’sgoingon.”Sheswipedatherfacewiththebacksofherhands.“Iwasconvincedhewascheatingbecausesomething’sbeensooffwithhim.ButonceIconfrontedhimaboutit,hepromisedmehewasn’t,andsincethen,he’smadeaconcertedefforttobeagoodhusband.He’sbeensoattentive…IgaslitmyselfintobelievingIwasthecrazyone.”
Iwenttoher,tookherhandsinmine,andpulledherintothelivingroom.Wesattogetheronthesofanooneeversaton.ClementineshoweduptotakeherspotwrappedaroundClara’sbelly.
ClaracooedatClemforamoment,strokinghersoftfur,thenshetookadeepbreathandspilledeverything.
“Miller’sassistantcametomeonMonday.Shewasbuyingacar,sotheyranhercreditreportandtherewasacreditcardlistedonitthatdidn’tbelongtoher.Naturally,shepanickedandlookedintoit.Thecardisinhername,buttheaddressisours.MineandMiller’s.”
Myheartlodgedinmythroat.Ihadnoearthlyideawherethiswasgoing,butitcouldn’tbeanywheregood.
“Didyouconfronthim?”Iasked.
“No.Ihaven’tyet.ButIdidsomediggingandfoundthecreditcard’sstatement.HepaidforflowersdeliveredtoawomannamedTheresaGravesinTennessee.Hesentabooktoheraddresstoo.Idon’tgetit.Ijustdon’t.Millerdoesn’tknowanyoneinTennessee.Hehasn’tbeenonanytrips.Idon’tknowwhattothink.AndI’mafraid,Saoirse.Ihavetoknow,butIdon’twanttoask.”
Iwantedtohelp.TheurgewassostrongIcouldbarelysitstill.“Lucacantalktohim.”
“No,”shesnapped.“Absolutelynot.Lucawillkillhimwithhisbarehandsifhefindsout—”Shegasped,herchestrisingsharply.ClementinemewedandbuttedherheadagainstClara.Afteramoment,ClaradugherfingersintoClem’sfur,soothingthemboth.“IlookedatMiller’sphoneafewdaysago.Ionlyhadafewminutes,butIclickedonhisemailapp,anditwasloggedintoanaccountIdidn’tknowhehad.”
Shecutherselfoff,herlipspressingtogetherinastraightline.
“Youcan’tgoonlikethis.Ihateseeingyousoupset.”
Hershining,tear-filledeyesmetmine.“Whatifyoutalktohim?Youcouldmeethimforcoffee,maybetellhimyouwanttotalktohimaboutbabystuffandtrytogetthetruthoutofhim.”
Theideawascrazy.MillerandIhadnexttonorelationship.Whywouldheconfideinme?ButClarawassodistraught.IftherewaseventhesmallestchanceIcouldhelpher,Ihadtodoit.
“Okay.I’lltry.”
Sheexhaled,hershoulderscurvingforward.“Thankyousomuch.”
Herreliefwaspalpable.Iwrappedmyarmsaroundherbecauseshereallylookedlikeshecouldhaveusedahug.
“Ofcourse,Clara.Youshouldn’tbeunderthiskindofstress.”
“Iappreciatethatyoucare.”Shepulledbackandtookadeepbreath.“Pleasedon’ttellLucauntilwehaveallthefacts.Mybrotherwillgethimselfarrestedifhefindsout.”
“Idon’twanttokeepsecretsfromhim.”
Sheshookherhead.“No,Iunderstand.Butcanyouwaituntilafterward?Andletmetellhimonceweknowforsure.”
Mystomachsquirmedwithdiscomfort,butIagreed.I’dletClarabetheonetotellLucawhatwasgoingonsincethiswashermarriageandlife.Itwasonlyfairforhertogettochoosethetiming.
I’djustsatdownatmydeskMondaymorningwhenLucasentmeanemail.
To:saoirserossi@peakstrategies.com
From:lucarossi@rossimotors.com
Saoirse,
IhadacancellationtodayandIwanttotakeyoutolunch.Thisisn’taeuphemism.Iwanttositacrossfromyouandeatfoodtogether.Ihaveenoughtime.Icanmeetyouclosetohomeifthat’seasier.
Tellmeyou’refree.
Yours,
Luca
IsmiledasIreadtheemail,evenasmyheartsank.I’dhavetodeclinesinceI’dalreadymadeplanstomeetMiller—whichIwasdreadinglikegettingafillingwithoutNovocaine.I’dalreadybeenpissedatMillerforbeingsuchashitholehusbandhiswifehadaskedmetointervene,butnowIwasdoublymadbecauseIwasgoingtomissoutonspendingtimewithLuca.
Icouldn’tknockthegrinoffmyface,though.IthadbecomesomethingofaconstantsincetheweekbeforewhenLucahadthrownouttherules.ClarahadgonetostaywithherparentsonSaturday,whichIthoughtwouldmeanI’dbereturningtomybedroom.ButwhenItried,Lucascoopedmeupandthrewmeonhisbed.
Wedidn’ttalkaboutthechange.Itjust…was.
“Tellmethejoke.”
Ijerkedback,surprisedbyMiles’svoice.Ishouldn’thavebeen.Wesharedanoffice,andI’dlethimintothecondoonlyahalfhourago.I’dknownhewasintheroomwithme,butI’dbeensobusydaydreamingaboutLucaI’dforgottenIwasn’talone.
“There’snojoke,”Isaid.
Heparkedhisbuttontheedgeofmydesk,ahabithe’dcarriedoverfromhisdaysworkingwithEliseatAndes.MilesandIwerebothtalkers.Wequicklyrealizedinordertogetanythingdone,wehadtolearntoignoreeachotherorelsewe’dspendhourschatteringinsteadofworking.
“Itmightbemebeingparanoid,butIseeyousmilingatyourcomputerlikealittleloon,andIthinkyou’retalkingtrashaboutme.”
Laughing,Ileanedbackinmychair,foldingmyarmsovermychest.“Thatisdefinitelyyoubeingparanoid.There’snoquestion.”
Hiseyesnarrowed.“You’renotgoingtotellme?”
Iwouldhave,buthewasamusingme,soIdrewoutthetorture.“Idon’twanttohurtyourfeelings.”
“That’sit.Thispartnershipisdissolved.”Hepickedupablankpieceofprinterpaperandrippeditdownthemiddle.
“Thatwasn’tourcontract.”
Hecrumpledthepiecewhilestaringmedeadintheeye.“Thatwassymbolic.It’sdissolvedinmyheart.”
Ifellsidewaysinafitofgiggles.WorkingwithMilesAldrichwasoneofthebestdecisionsI’devermade.
Hescowledatmethroughmylaughter.“I’mnotamused,Sershie.”
Soberingsomewhat,Iwavedmyhandsbetweenus.“I’msorry,I’msorry.Iwouldnevertalktrashaboutyouotherthanyourabysmaltasteinfoodtrucks.”
Hischinjutted.“IstandbyLudwig’stacostand.”
“That’sbecauseyou’reamaniac.Nooneelsewantssauerkrauttacos.”
“Moreforme.”Hishandcamedownonmydesk.“Now,tellmewhathadyougrinningbeforeIordersauerkrauttacoseverydayforthenextmonthandeattheminfrontofyou.”
Ialmostdry-heavedatthememoryofthesmell.Onetimewasenough.Theywerebannedfromthecondo.
“Justasweetemailfrommyhusband,that’sall.”
Hethrewhishandsup.“Youcouldn’thavesaidthat?”
“Icouldhave,butwewerehavingfun.”
“Youwerehavingfun.Youknow,IseewhyyouandElisearefriends.Bothofyouhavedemonhearts.It’sagoodthingIgetalongwellwithevilwomen.”
“GobacktoyourdeskandresteasywiththeknowledgethatIwouldnevertrash-talkyou.”
Hehoppedupandshotmeadimple-poppinggrin.“Ineverdoubtedyou,Sershie.”
WhenIwasaloneagain,IrepliedtoLuca’semail,stretchingthetruthasfarasIcould.Iwouldn’tlietohimifIdidn’thaveto.
To:lucarossi@rossimotors.com
From:saoirserossi@peakstrategies.com
Luca,
Iwouldlovetositacrossfromyouandeatfoodtogether.Sadly,andIreallyamsadaboutit,Iwon’tbeabletomakeittoday.
MilesandIaregoingtoviewthatsharedofficespaceItoldyouabout.I’llpopinonyouwhenwe’redone.Areofficekissesallowed?BecauseIplantogiveyouseveral.
Sincerely,
YourInconvenientWife
Bitingmylip,Ihitsend.HishandwouldbetwitchywhenhereadhowI’dsignedit.Hehatedmecallingmyselfthat.Buthe’dmarriedawomanwholikedprovokingherhusband’stwitchyhand.
Ilookedforwardtoseeingwhathe’ddoaboutit.
MylightnessvanishedassoonasIrememberedmyimpendingmeetingwithMiller.
FreakingMiller.Ruiningeverything.
IwalkedoutoflunchwithMillernonethewiser.
Hewassquirrelly,evasive,andoddlysweaty.HeaskedmealotaboutClara’sstateofbeing.Shehadn’tcomeintotheofficetoday,sohewasworried.Fromthedarkcirclesaroundhiseyes,itlookedlikehe’dbeenworriedforawhile.
ButwhenIoutrightaskedhimifhewascheating,heflatlydeniedit…andIbelievedhim.
Somethingwasoff.Very,veryoff.Hewouldn’ttellmewhatitwas,andIcouldn’tevenbegintoguess.ButItrulydidn’tthinktherewasanotherwoman.Helovedhiswife,evenifhewasscrewingupbigtime.
ItextedClaraonmywalkfromthecafétotheRossibuilding.
Me:IjustleftlunchwithMiller.Hesaysheisn’tcheating,andmaybeI’mstupid,butIbelievehim.
Clara:DidyouaskhimaboutTheresaGraves?Theflowers?Thebook?
Me:Idid.HeactedlikehehadnoideawhatIwastalkingabout.AndwhenIshowedhimthecreditcardstatementyougaveme,hesaidtheremustbesomemistake.
Clara:Oh,no.Whycan’thejustbehonest?
Me:Idon’tthinkhe’sgoingtobehonestwithyou.You’regoingtohavetodecidewhatyouwanttodowithouthavingalltheanswers.I’msorry.
Clara:No,don’tbesorry.Youwentaboveandbeyondyoursisterlydutyforme.Iwillneverbeabletorepayyou.Thankyouforeverything.
Me:Youdon’thavetothankme.WhenwillyoutellLuca?
Clara:I’lltellhimsoon.Ineedtogetmythoughtsstraightfirst.
Me:Pleasedoitassoonaspossible.I’mnogoodatsecrets.
Clara:Iwill.Ipromise.I’lltalktohimthisweek.
IslidmyphonebackintomypurseandlookedupattheRossibuildinginfrontofme.Mystomachsomersaulted,knowingLucawasinthere,waitingforme.
Ihatednotbeingabletotalktohimaboutthis,butItrustedClarawouldtellhimsoon.AslongasLucadidn’taskmeadirectquestionaboutwhatwasgoingon,Iwouldn’thavetolie.SinceIwasterribleatlyingandhateddoingit,IkeptmyfingerscrossedasIwalkedinsidetofindmyhusband.ChapterThirty-six
Luca
MyhandcamedownonSaoirse’ssassyass.“You’renotinconvenient.Sayit.”
Shesquirmedinmylap,herfaceburiedinmythroat.“I’mnotinconvenient.”
“Youareafuckingmenace,though.”Ismackedheragain,makingheryelp.
“I’mafuckingmenace.”
Ismackedheragain.“I’mnothavingsexwithyouinmyoffice.TherearefartoomanypeoplenearbyformetodowhatIwanttodowithyou.Now,I’llhavetoworktherestofthedaywithhalfmybloodsupplyinmydickbecauseofyou.”
Ifelthergrinagainstmythroat.“Youdidn’thavetospankme.”
“Youhaditcoming,andyouknowit.”
I’dbeendisappointedSaoirsehadn’tbeenabletojoinmeforlunch,butwhensheappearedatmydoorwayafewminutesago,thatfellaway.Holdingherinmylapmorethanmadeupfornothavinghercompanyearlier.
Ipressedaknucklebeneathherchin,drawingheroutofmythroatsoIcouldlookather.I’dwokenuptothisfaceforaweeknow,andnotasinglepartofmewantedtogobacktowakingupalone.
“Howwastheofficespace?”Iasked
“Welikedit.Idon’tknowifwe’rereadytosignonyet,though.Weweremorejustgettingafeelforwhatwasoutthere.”
“DidyouandMilesgrablunch,orareyouhungry?”
Hernosescrunched.“I’mnothungry.”
Therewasastrainedqualitytoheranswerthatbroughtmetoattention.“Didyoueat?”
“Mmhmm.”Hereyesdartedtotheside,andherhandsclenchedonherthighs
“Wasthatayes?”
“Yes,Luca.Iate.”
“WithMiles…?”
Shehuffed,turningawayfromme.“Yes.MilesandIbothate.He’sactuallyprobablywonderingwhyI’mnotbackatwork.Ishouldgo.”
Icaughtherbeforeshecouldslipoffmylap,holdingherflushtomychest.“Iseverythingokay?”
“Ofcourseitis.Ionlymeanttostopinforaminute,though.Ineedtoheadbacktowork.”Herlipspressedagainstthesideofmythroat,andshenuzzledmewithhernose.“I’llseeyoutonight.”
Shewantedtogo,soIlether.Butshe’draisedmyalarmbells.Iknewmywife.Shewasanawfulliar,andjustnow,Iwasalmostcertainshe’dliedaboutsomething.
ApproachingSaoirsefrombehind,Iswallowedherinanembrace.Herheadfellbackagainstmyshoulderwithasigh.
“Whatareyoumaking,prettygirl?”
I’darrivedhome,welcomedbyClementineandthescentofgarlicandspices.Aftergivingmycatagoodpat,Ifollowedmynosetothekitchen,whereSaoirsewasstandingatthestove.Shewasn’texactlyadomesticgoddess,butshecookedwell,andmymotherhadtaughtherafewofmyfavoritedishesfromchildhood.
Ihadnocomplaintsandconsideredmyselflucky.
“Salmonandasparagus.”Shetiltedherheadtothesidetomeetmyeyes.“Iwasn’tsureifyou’dbehomeintimetoeatwithme.”
“AreyougladIam?”
“Always.”
Leaningdown,Idroppedakissonherlips.“I’mstarving.Areyouhungry?”
“Mmhmm.GivemeafewminutesandI’llfeedyou.”
Islidmyhanddowntoherlowerstomach,splayingmyfingerswide.“Whatdidyouhaveforlunch?”
Herbreathstuttered.Itwasquick,andifIhadn’tbeenholdingher,Iwouldn’thavenoticed.ButIhadnoticed,andonceagain,Iwentalert.
“AterriblecurrychickensandwichatthiscafénearRossi.I’llhavetocheckwhatthenamewassoyoucanmakesureyounevereatthere.”
Reachingaroundher,Iturnedoffthestove.SaoirseyelpedwhenIspunhertofaceme.
“Yeah,that’sbullshit.”
Hermouthfellopen.“What?Idon’t—”
Itappedherlips.“Youdon’tlie.You’rereallybadatit.You’relyingtomenow,andIwanttoknowwhy.”Shetriedtoturnherhead,butIcaughtherchin,keepingherinplace,sosheclampedhermouthshut.“Areyoureallygoingtodothis?I’mstandinginfrontofyou,tellingyouIknowyou’rekeepingsomethingfromme,andyou’re—”
“IpromisedClara,”shesnapped.“Okay?IpromisedherIwouldn’tsayanything.”
Takingherhandinmine,Idraggedheroutofthekitchenandpulledherwithmetotheden.Thiswaswhereshewascomfortable.Wheresherelaxed.
Ifshewasgoingtogobackonherpromise—andshewas—itwouldhappenhere,whereeverythingwassoftandawayfromthehotstoveandsharpknivesinthekitchen.
“Luca,Ican’tdothis.TalktoClara.I’mgoingtofinishdinner.”
Shestartedtorise,butItuggedherrightbackdown,holdingbothherhandsinmine.
“No.Icouldgiveafuckaboutdinner.Clarashouldn’thaveputyouinthispositionandsheknowsit.Youknowittoo.Idon’tknowwhyyouwouldagreetolieforher—”
“She’syoursister.”Saoirseyankedherhandsoutofmineandfoldedherarmsoverherchest.Myprettygirlwaspissed,butshehadtohaveknownitwouldcomedowntothis.
Still,Isoftenedatherreasoning.SaoirseunderstoodtheimportanceoffamilyinthesamewayIdid.HerwillingnesstogoaboveandbeyondtohelpClarasimplybecauseshewasmysisteraffectedmeonaviscerallevel.Itmademewanttotakethiswomaninmyarmsandholdherandtellhernottoworryaboutanything.Thatshecouldkeephersecretsandcontinuewithherlieswithoutexplanation.
Butthatwouldneverhappen.
Icouldletalotofthingsslide,butlyingwasn’toneofthem.
“Iappreciateyou’retryingtoprotectandhelpClara,butshewasoutoflinetoaskyoutokeepsomethingfromme.Youdon’tcomebetweenahusbandandwife.Clarawaswrongtodothat.Ineedyoutotalktome,Saoirse.Nomorelies.”
Forasecond,Ithoughtshewasn’tgoingtotellme.Herteethclampeddownhardonherbottomlip,andhergazeshiftedtotheside,totheceiling,tomyballedhands,untilfinally,itlandedonme.
“ClaraaskedmetotalktoMiller.Ihadlunchwithhimtoday.Ireallydideataterriblecurrychickensandwich.”
Closingmyeyes,IreleasedaslowexhalesoIdidn’tallowmyangertogetthebetterofmebeforedecidingjusthowpissedtobeandwheretoaimit.
“WhydidyouhavelunchwithMiller?”
Herfingersflexedonherarms.“Sheisafraidhe’scheatingonher,butofcourseyouknowthat.Butsomethingelsehappened.Milleropenedasecretcreditcardinhisassistant’snameandusedittosendflowersandabooktothiswomaninTennessee.Claradidn’twantyoutoknow.Shewasafraidyouwouldkillhim.”
“He’sfuckingsomeoneinTennessee?”
Iwouldkillhim.Iabsolutelywould.Ifnotwithmybarehands,thenIwouldmakeuseofoneofElliot’sshadowycontacts.Ididn’tknowforafactthatheknewhitmen,butIwouldbesurprisedifhedidn’tknowhowtohireone
AndMillerwouldfuckingdieifhehurtClara.Ifhesteppedoutonher,hewouldwakeupwithhisshriveleddickinhismouth.HeshouldhaveknownbetterthantofuckwithaRossi.Claramighthavewantedpeaceandanonviolentresolution,butweweren’tthesameinthatregard.
Saoirsequicklyshookherhead.“No.Idon’tbelieveheis.Ithink—”Shesuckedinadeepbreath.“Obviously,I’mnotamentalhealthprofessional,butIleftourlunchwiththeimpressionMillerisstressedtothepointthathe’sunwell.AndIdon’treallyknowhowtopinpointwhyIthinkthis,exceptsomethingwasoff.MorethanhisworriesoverClaraleavinghim.”
Ignashedmymolarsdown,clenchingmyjaw.Thiswasn’tthetimeformetosayallthefilthrunningthroughmymind.Saoirsehadatenderheart.Shewasworriedabouthismentalhealth.AllIcaredaboutwasmyfamily—andasfarasIwasconcerned,fromhereonout,thatdidnotincludeMiller.
“DoyouhavethenameofthewomaninTennessee?”
Shenodded.“I’mscaredtogiveittoyou.Iknowyouwanttoburnitalldown,butyoucan’t.”
Iknewshewasright.AllthefantasiesofhiringahitmananddrawingMiller’sbloodwerejustthat:fantasies.Therewastoomuchatstake.Myhandsweretiedbymyresponsibilities.
JustbecauseIcouldn’tkillhimdidn’tmeanIcouldn’truinhiminallotherways.
“GivemethenameandI’llsendittomyPI.”Uncrossingherarms,Ituggedhertowardme.Shecametherestofthewayonherown,curlingupinmylap.
“Don’ttouchhim,”shewhispered.
“TheonlypromiseIcanmakeisnottotouchhimuntilIhaveallthefacts.”Idustedmyknucklealonghercheekandstrokedalockofherhairawayfromherface.“I’mgoingtotakecareofthis.Itisn’tyourproblemanymore.”
Herpalmwaswarmandsoftonmyjaw.“Iwantedtobetheonetotakecareofit.IthoughtIcould.”
“Youdidgood,prettygirl.”Idroppedapeckonherforehead.“Youhelpedmysisteranddidwhatyouwereableto.I’mthankfulforthat.Butyouhavetounderstandyoucan’tdothisagain.Wedon’tlietoeachother.Itfucksmeupknowingyou’recapableofit.”
“I’mobviouslynotcapableofit.”Hernosecrinkledthewayitalwaysdidwhenshewasuncomfortable…orlied.“Youfoundmeoutrightaway.”
Itappedherlipswithmyfingertip.“Itwasyourintention,though.Ihavetoadmit,thathurts.”
Sheflewintomotion,bandingherarmsaroundmeandburyingherfaceinmythroat.Herlipsmovedagainstmyskin.
“Ifeellikeshit,Luca.I’msickoverthis.”Herfingersgrippedmyshirtasshedugincloser.“I’msorryIhurtyou.Itdoesn’tmatterifImeanttoornot.Idid,andI’msosorry.”
Herfiercereactiontomypaintookmeaback.She’dtakenmyangerinstride,butthesecondI’dsaidIwashurt,shewasholdingme,apologizingtome,tremblinginmyarms.
“Saoirse.Lookatme.”
Herheadcameup,revealingaflushedfaceandwateryeyes.“I’msorry,Luca.”
Itookherquiveringchininmyhand.“PromisenevertohideanythingfrommeagainandI’llforgiveyou.”
Herlasheslowered,andoneloneteartrackeddownhercheek.“Ipromise.Ihatethissomuch.ThereisabsolutelynowayIwanttorepeatthis.Wedon’tkeepthingsfromeachother.”
Iwipedhertearonmythumbandsuckeditoff.“No,wedon’t.Andwedon’tcryovereachotherunlessthey’retearsofhappiness.Gotit?”
“Igotit.”
“Nospillingwineonyourself.Youcan’tsayyesatyourownexpense.”
“Nospillingwine,”sheechoed.
“Youbettermeanthat.”
Shesuckedinashakybreath,anditrattledmyheart.“Imeanit,Luca.”
Sheleanedinandpressedherlipstomine.Cuppingthebackofherhead,IheldhertherewhileIreallykissedmywife,lettinghertastethesaltonmytonguefromhertearsandreplacingitwithallhersweet.
Millerwouldbedealtwith.Andsoon.Butrightnow,Ineededtoconcentrateonwhatwasmostimportantinthismoment,andthatwasmakingthingsrightwithmywife.ChapterThirty-seven
Saoirse
Lucaledmedowntohisstudio.
Wehadn’tbeenhangingoutthereasmuch.Instead,wehaddinnertogether,tookridesonhisbike,playedwithClem.
Thatdidn’tmeanLucadidn’tgothereonhisown.Hedid.Onlynow,hespentanhourortwoinhisstudioinsteadofthewholeevening.
Myhandwasstillshakyinhiswhenhepulledmeinside.TheonlyreasonIhadn’tburstintotearsinthedenwasbecausethiswasn’taboutme.Lucahadbeenhurt.Iwasthewielderoftheweaponthathadinjuredhim.Itwasn’thisjobtocomfortmewhenIwasinthewrong.
Suckitup,buttercup.
LucawasbeingsweeterthanIdeserved,butwhowasItotellhimhecouldn’tbe?
“Imadeyousomething,”hesaid.
“What?Youdid?”
“Yes.ItstartedwiththesketchIcouldn’tgetright.”
“Thesketchofme,”Imurmured.
“Mmhmm.Thencapturingyoubecamesomethingofanobsession.”
Itwasonthetipofmytonguetotellhimhe’dcapturedmemonthsago.ThatIwashisandhadnointentionofescapingmybindsanytimesoon.
Butofcourse,thatwasn’twhathe’dmeant.
Hishandwaswarmaroundmineashepulledmedeeperintothestudio.“ThenIrealizedmyprettygirlcan’tbecaptured.WhenIstoppedtryingtoconfineyoutoonething,Iwasunblocked.And…well,you’llsee.”
Thewallshadbeencoveredinpaintsplattersanddentsbutotherwisebare.Now,theywerehometodrawings,paintings,andchrome-dippedsculptures.
First,Iwenttomyshiningsilverprofile.Itwashollowandone-sided,allowingittobehungfromthewall.Therewasaflowertuckedovermyear,andmyhairwaswhirlingswirlsofmetalcascadingbehindme.Mychinwastippedup,andmymouthwasstretchedintoawidesmile.
Lucastoodbehindme,clutchingmyhips.Hisfingerslatchedaroundmybones,attachinghimselftomelikeasnappedbutton.
“Youhavequestions?”heaskedsoftly.
Inodded,butnothingcameout,whichmadehimchuckleandholdmealittletighter.Butdeargod,hisgravitywastheonlythingkeepingmyfeetontheground.Ineededhistether,orthelightnessinmyboneswouldbetrayme.
Wemovedtogethertothenextpiece,whichwasapencilsketchofthesamepose.Profile,hairblowing,smile.Ireachedouttotouchitbutstoppedmyself.WhenIdroppedmyhand,Lucapickeditupandplacedmyfingertipsonthepaper.
“It’sfromapicturethejudgetook,”hemurmuredbesidemyear.
“Thepicturesyou’vekeptfrommesincethatday.”
“Ididn’tknowyouwantedthem.”
Iturnedmyhead,glimpsingathimovermyshoulder.“Ido.”
Hehummed.“NowIdon’tknowifIwanttosharethem.”
Ileanedmybackagainsthischestandtippedmyfacetothesidetokisshisjaw.“Sendthemtomewhenyouwantmetohavethem.”
Weslidovertothewatercolorpainting.Iwasreadinginthisone.Mylegshungoverthesideofthecouch,onefingertwirlingtheendofalockofhair.ThismusthavebeenbasedononeofthemanyeveningsI’dspentwithhiminthestudio.
Myheartstretchedmychest,makingitfeeltightandoverstuffed.Mytonguewastoobigformymouth,andmybrainhadshrunktothesizeofapea.Icouldn’tformwords,muchlessgetthemout.
Lucashiftedmetothenextsketch,thenthenext.Therewereatleasttenpencilorcharcoalsketchesofmereadinginvariousposes.Alwaysrelaxedandserene.WasthatreallywhatmyfacelookedlikeorhowLucasawme?
Ithoughtbacktothenightswe’dspentherewhenhe’dfinallyletmeintohisprivateworld.Somethinghadsettledinme.AnanxiousnessI’dbeenbattling.Lucahadnoticeditandimmortalizedthatfeelingonpaper.
Thelastthinghangingonthewallwasachrome-dippedsculptureoftwohands.Irecognizedourrings.Thesewereourhands.
“Itookthatfromoneofthepicturestoo.Ilikedthedichotomyofyourfinebonesandmy—”
Ispunaroundandcrashedmymouthagainsthis.Hisresponsewasimmediate,takingmeinhisarmsandkissingmebackwithsoul-meltingfervor.
Ihaddonenothinginthislifetodeserveanyofthis.Nottheart.Thethoughtfulness.Thisman.Especiallynottoday,whenI’dscrewedupinsuchabigway.
Hehadtoknowthiswastoomuch.Iwasn’tmeanttohavesomethinglikethis.Icouldn’tbegintofathomhowtoacceptit.
“Luca,”Icriedagainsthisdemandinglips.Ihadtotellhimsinceheclearlydidn’tknow.“Idon’tdeservethis.”
Hisfingerswoundinthebackofmyhair,roughlyfistingit.Arumblevibratedhischest.“Youdon’tgettodecidethat,doyou?It’smewhodecides.Formonths,you’vebeentheonlythingthat’sinspiredme.Myprettyfuckinggirl.You’reallIwanttopaintandsculpt,andI’lldothatuntilI’msatisfied.”
HetappedmylipswhenIopenedthemtodenyhim.“Nomorearguing.It’stimeforyoutotellmehowmuchyoulikeallthis.”
Iclutchedathisshirt,reelingmyselfintohiswarmth.“Ifuckingloveit,Luca.I’veneverseenmyselfthewayyoudo.”
“Youwill,oneday.I’mnotanywheredonewithyou.”Hishandskimmeddownmysidetocupmybreast.“Next,I’mgoingtosculptthese,whichmeansIneedyoumodelingformenaked.Itcouldtakehours,probablydays.You’llhavetoliethereandletmelookatyou.”
Ipressedmylipstogethertoholdbackmygrin.LeaveittoLucatolightenmymood.Hehadthatwayabouthim,andIlovedhimforit.
Ilovedhimforit.
Ireallydidlovethisman.Andlookingaroundthisstudiomademethinkhemighthavelovedmetoo.
Weweren’tsupposedtofallinlove.Icouldn’tevenbegintoconsiderwhatthiswouldmeanforouragreement.ButLuca’smouthslammedintomine,bringingmebacktothepresentandawayfromthewhat-ifs.
Thismansawme.Heunderstoodmelikenooneeverhad.WhenthingsdieddownandClarawastakencareof,wewouldtalk.
IfLucalovedmetoo,thenwecouldfigureoutwhatthatmeanttogether.
Butrightnow,Ineededtoshowhimhowvitalhewastomeandhowspecialhe’dmademefeelinthebestwayIknewhow.
Withmybody.Mywhisperedsighs.Myarmsaroundhim.Mymouthonhislips.Thiswasalanguageinwhichbothofuscouldsayallwewantedwithoutfearandlistenwithoutargument.
Wespokethatwayforhours.Untileverythinghadbeensaid.
ThenLucacurledaroundmeinhisbed,betweencoolsheets,andkissedmegoodnight.ChapterThirty-eight
Luca
Oncemyprivateinvestigatorpulledthefirstthread,Miller’ssecretlifebegantounravel.
ItwasworsethanIcouldhaveimagined.
Hewasn’tcheating,butIalmostwishedhewas.
MillerFairfieldwasafucked-upman.
Icouldn’tevenwrapmyheadaroundthisstrangerwho’dbeenmybrother-in-lawforyears.HadIeverknownhim?
Withinthreedays,itwasalllaidoutinfrontofme,andIwasstaggeredbytheextentofhisdepravity.ThiswentbeyondwhatthedetectiveinTennesseehadsuspected,andasoftoday,everythinghadbeenturnedovertotheFBI.
AllIwantedtodowasgohome,sinkinsidemywife,andforgeteverythingI’dlearned.ButIwasnogood.Tooangry.ToobitterandconfusedtogohometoSaoirse.Sheknewwhatwasgoingon,though,andhadpromisedtobewaitingformewheneverIcamehome.
Myfuckingwife.
ElliotandWestondroppedeverythingtomeetmeforadrink.Theybothhadcompaniestorun,butIdidn’thesitatetoaskthemtoleaveearly.Neitheraskedwhy.TheyshowedupatthebarI’dnamedatfourthirtysharp.Westonwasdoingbetteraboutawork-lifebalance,butElliotrarelyleftworkbeforeeightp.m.
Yetheshowedlikehealwaysdidwhenpushcametoshove.
Iwasalreadyonedrinkin.IthadbeennecessarytosettlemybloodbeforeIspilledalltheuglinesseverywhere.
IletthemdownhalftheirdrinksbeforeIstartedtalking.
“MillerhasbeencyberstalkingandharassingacouplewhorunabusinessbloginTennesseeforthelastsixmonths.”
Elliotputhisglassdownonthetable.“Fuck.”
Westonrubbedthedeeplinebetweenhisbrows.“Whythehellhashebeendoingthat?”
Ishrugged,butmyshouldersweretooheavytoliftfar.“ThisisallinformationI’mgettingfromtheinvestigator,who’sbeenincontactwiththedetectiveworkingonthecase.TheresaandAlbertGravesruntheGraveBusinessReport.”
Elliotfrowned.“I’veneverheardofit.”
“NeitherhaveI,”Westonagreed.
“That’sbecauseonlyafewthousandpeoplereadit.IhavenofuckingcluehowMillerfoundit,buttheGraves’publishedafewscathingarticlesaboutRossi’squarterlyearningsreportandthefluctuationofourstockprices.TheyhadsomethingstosaywhenItookoverasCEO,but,hell,sodidalotofotherjournalists.Idon’tknowwhyMillerpickedthisblogtobecomeobsessedwith,buthedid.”
Westonshovedhisfingersthroughhishair.“Whatdidhedoexactly?”
“TheharassmentstartedwiththeiremailaddressbeingsubscribedtothingsliketheSatanicTemple,NashvilleKinkNight,theGreenParty…stupid,annoyingshit.Butannoyinginthesensethattheywerebombardeddayafterday.Anditdidn’tstopthere.Theanonymoussocialmediathreatswerenext.Shutdownorgodown,basically.Thenhedoxxedtheiraddressonline.Helisteditforfreepuppies,onhookupsites,asthehostofaswingers’party…andpeoplewereshowingupattheirdoor.”
“Jesus,”Elliotuttered.“Ishereallythatstupid?”
Ishookmyhead.“Idon’tknowwhatwasgoingthroughhismind.Maybehesnapped,hadamentalbreak.Idon’tgiveadamn.Heterrorizedthesepeople.WhenClarafindsout—”
Westonclampedahandonmyshoulder.“Whenshefindsout,you’llbethereforher.”
“She’shavinghisbabyinlessthanamonth.”Myheadfell,evenheavierthanmyshoulders.“Hesentthemapigfetus.Deadrats.Insects.Buttheworstpart…theveryworstpart—hehadafuneralarrangementdeliveredtothehusband.Andthefollowingday,hesenthimabookcalledLifeAftertheDeathofaSpouse.Thiscoupleisintheirsixties.Thedetectivesaidthehusbandhadtobehospitalizedwithanirregularheartbeatduetothestressofallthis.Millercouldhavereallykilledthisman.”
Westonblewoutaheavybreath.“Holyhell.Iknowhe’sneverbeenyourfavoriteperson,butthisisnextlevel.”
“Hewasn’tmyfavoritepersonbecauseIthoughthewasbland,notpsychopathic.”Iraisedmyheadeventhoughtherewasaknifelodgedinmyskull.“Idon’thaveanyideawhatthenextstepis.WhatamIsupposedtodo?There’snomanualonthis.”
Elliotswirledhisdrink,theiceclinking.Ofthethreeofus,hewastheleastruffled,butthatwasElliot.Hiswayofshowinghecaredwascomingin,takingcareofwhatneededtobetakencareofinthesmoothestwaypossible,andalwaysbeingtherelikeanunmovablemountain.
“I’llputyouintouchwithacrisisteam.Rossiwillneedaplanonthecorporatelevel.Trustthemtoimplementoneforthecompany.Onapersonallevel,Idon’tdoubtyou’llhandleit.BethereforClara.Takecareofanythingsheneedswithoutquestion.”
WestonnoddedalongwithwhatElliotwassaying.“Andinthedustup,don’tneglectSaoirseandyourrelationship.Nomatterhowbigthecrisis,youcan’tputthatonhold.Letherbetheretoleanon.”
Westonspokefromexperience.WhenAndeshadgonethroughacrisis,he’dputhiscompletefocusintofixingit,leavingElisealoneinthedark.Iwouldn’trepeathismistakes.
Ihadaroughroadaheadofme.Whenthiswentpublic,allhellwasgoingtobreakloose.Myonlyhopewastokeepitquietforaslongaswecould.
“Ustoo,”Elliotsaid.“Anythingyouneed,contactsyourequire,we’rehere.You’renothandlingthisalone,evenifitfeelslikeit.”
“IknowI’mnot.”Iswallowedthethicklumpinmythroat.“NeveroncehaveInotfeltyouatmyback.”
Elliotliftedhischin.“Good.Don’tdoubtit.”
SaoirsewaswaitingformewithherarmsopenwhenIarrived.Ifellintothem,intoher,clutchingherliketheonlybuoyinthecenterofamaelstromatsea.Neitherofuscouldcontrolhowbadlywewouldbebattered,butifIheldontoher,I’dseetheothersideofthis.
Iwassureofthattomybones.
“I’msorry,”shewhispered.
“Iknow,prettygirl.”
Herfingerscurledintothebackofmyshirt.“Tellmehowtomakeitbetterforyou.”
Heavinganexhale,Irolledmyforeheadonhers.“You’redoingit.Alltheuglyiswaitingforme,butitdoesn’tweighasmuchrightnow.That’sallyou.Staywithme.”
“Youdon’thavetoask.”
Mymouthtwitched.Firstalmost-smileoftheday,andofcourse,shewastheonetodrawitoutofme.
“Ididn’t.”
Sheletoutabreathylaugh.“Comesnugglewithmeintheden.”
“Leadtheway.”
BeforeI’dwalkedinthisdoor,I’dhadfuckingonmymind.Hardandrough.Makingherscream.Takingmyfrustrationsoutonherbody.Satisfyingtheemptyplaceinmebymakinghercomeoverandoveruntilwewerebothsoexhaustedthatsleeptookusover.
ButthensheclimbedintomylapandcoveredusbothwithoneofthethrowsI’dboughtwithherinmind.Myheadfellbackonthecushions.Saoirsetuckedherfaceinmythroatandstrokedmyjawwithherfingertips.
Thiswaspeace.
Theflipsideofthecoin.
BeyondthesewallswaschaosIwouldhavetoface,butthatdidn’ttouchus.Notwhenweweretogetherlikethis.Shetookmyfrustrationsbybeinghere.Theemptyplaceinmewasfilledwithherpresence.
Damnthiswoman.
She’dmadeitsothatlivingwithoutherwouldbeapainful,uglyreality.Iwasn’tinterestedinexperiencingthat.Notnow,nottwoyearsfromnow.WhetherSaoirselikeditornot,shewasmine.Shecouldfightmeonit,butthatwouldn’tchangethefactthatIwaskeepingher.Thatwaswhatshegotforbluntingallthesharpandsmoothingouttherough.She’dgottenmehookedonher.Goingbacktolifebeforeherdidn’tholdevenanounceofattraction.
“Ican’tdothiswithoutyou,”Itoldher.
“Youcould,Luca.Iknowyoucould.ButI’mhere.It’smyjobtomakeyourlifeeasier,sothat’swhatI’mgoingtodo.”
Abarbpiercedmygut.Herjob?
Tuckingmyknucklebeneathherchin,IdrewherfaceupsoIcouldlookather.Herfulllipscurvedintoaslow,easysmile.
“I’mnotajob.”
“Luca.”Herpalmflattenedonmycheek.“Ofcourseyou’renotajob.Imeantmyjobasyourwife.ThewayIcareforyougoeswaybeyondtheagreementwemade.Ihopethat’sobvious.”
Thatshouldhavemademefeelbetter,butIwasn’tthinkingaboutagreementswhenIhadherinmyarms.Iwasthinkingaboutkeepingherforever.
WhenallIdidwasfrown,Saoirseshiftedsoshewasstraddlingmylegsandtookmyfaceinbothhands.
“I’mhereforyou,Luca.Ifyouwantquiet,I’llbequiet.Ifyouwanttoyellandfight,wecandothat.IknowthisshitwithMillerandClaraiskillingyou.Youdon’thavetosayit.Icanseeitinyourface.ButIwanttobeyoursoftplacetolandbecauseyou’remine.That’snotajoboranagreement.It’sbecausewecareforeachother.Don’tturnawayfrommebecauseIsaidthewrongthing.Pleaseletmebehereforyou.Letmemakeiteasier.”
Reachingup,Itookherchinbetweentwofingers.“You’renotworkingajobwhenwe’retogether.”
Sheshookherhead.“No.Thisisreal.”
“Don’tsaythatagain.”
“Iwon’t.”Herfingerstracedthedownturnededgesofmymouth.“You’remyfavoriteyes.”
Releasingashudderingbreath,Islammedmyeyesshut.Iwasmaddeninglyinlovewiththiswoman.MorevulnerablethanIwascomfortablebeing.Buttherewasnohelpingit.
SaoirseRossiwasmywife.
Twoyearswasn’tgoingtobeclosetoenoughtimewithher.
Iwasbeginningtobelievetwolifetimeswouldn’tcutiteither.ChapterThirty-nine
Luca
Theshoulderofmyshirtwasstiffanddampfromhoursofmysister’stears.Mygutshadbeenrakedandtwistedfromhersobsandthepainshehadn’tevenbeguntoholdback
I’dbeentheonetotellherwhatMillerhaddone.
Clarachosetokillthemessengerbythrowingherselfintomyarmsandlettingmefeeleveryounceofherturmoil.Shekeenedherhusband’sname.Beggedformetomakeituntrue.Bargainedformetocoverforhim.Thenscreamedheshouldneverseethelightofdayagain
Ourparentscouldn’tcomforther.Mymothertriedtotellhertobecalmforthesakeofthebaby,butClarawasinconsolable.Shecradledherbellyandraspedherapologiestothebabykickinginsideher.
Myfatherdealtwithhisownrage.Likeme,hewantedblood.He’dtakenMillerinashisson-in-law,hadtreatedhimlikefamily,givenhimanexecutivepositionatRossi,allforMillertospitinhisface.
I’dspentthedaywiththem.HoldingClara.Tellingmyfatherhehadtocalmdown,orhe’denduphavingasecondheartattack.Forcingmymothertositdownbeforesheranherselfintotheground.
SaoirsehadaskedmeifI’dwantedhertocome,butI’ddeclined.InstincttoldmeClaraneededprivacytoexpresshergriefwithoutrestraint.Saoirsecouldcometomorrow,orthenextday,whenClarawasreadyforherbrandofcomfort.Andshewouldbe.Eventhoughshe’dbarelybeencoherent,ClarahadaskedaboutSaoirse.
“Youshouldbewithher,”shesaid,shovingatmewithweakarms.
“She’sfine,Clara.Saoirse’sworkingtoday,butshe’sbeentexting,checkinginonyou.”
Herheadfellonmychest.“You’resuchagoodhusband.Promisemeyouwon’thideanythingfromher.Promisemeyouwon’thurtherlikethis.”
“IpromiseIwon’thurther.”
Agreatrollingsobrackedherbody.“Millerwasn’tsupposedtohurtme.Iknowyouneverlikedhim,butIlovedhimsomuch.Hewassweettomeand—”
IfIhadthechance,Ididn’tknowhowI’dbeabletostopmyselffromkillinghim.LuckyforMiller,heturnedhimselfintotheFBIlastnight.Basedonmyprivateinvestigator’scontactswithinthebureau,Millerconfessedtoeverything.Evenmorethanwhathadbeenuncovered.
Inthepartofmethathadn’tbeencharredbycynicism,Iwonderedifhe’dturnedhimselfinforClara’ssake.Ifhefeltguiltyforputtingherthroughthis.
Butthatwasprobablygivinghimtoomuchcredit.Mostlikely,he’dsensedthebladedropping.Turninghimselfinwastheonlywayhecouldsavehisownneck.Nodoubthisattorneywouldbeanglingforapleadeal.
WhenIenteredmycondoaftermynever-endingdaywithmyfamily,allIwantedwasareplayoflastnight,Mywifeinmyarms.Herhandsonmyface.Sweetwordsinmyear.
ButIwasgreetedwithlaughter.Saoirse’sandMiles’s.
Thatwasn’tuncommonsincetheybeganworkingtogether.Tobehonest,ithadalwaysputasmileonmyfacebecauseitmeantSaoirsewashappy.
Tonight,itwasnailsonachalkboard.Allthehairsonmyarmsstoodonend.Myimmediate,gut-churningreactionwasbetrayal.HowcouldshebelaughingwhenI’dspentthedayholdingtogethermycrumblingfamily?
Mylogicalsideknewthesefeelingswereirrational.Butthatsideofmehadbeenworkedtofuckingdeathtoday.Allthatwasworkingnowwasmyhindbrain,whichtookmajoroffensetoanothermanmakingmywifehappyontodayofalldays.
ItonlygotworsewhenMilescamestrollingoutoftheirsharedofficewithClementineinhisarms.
Myfuckingcat.
“Hey,IthoughtIheardthefrontdoor.”MilesgrinnedandstrokedClem’sback.Thelittletraitorbarelyglancedatme.
“I’msurprisedyouheardme.”ItossedmykeysandphonedownintheceramicbowlSaoirsehadaddedtothesmalltableintheentryway.“Isyourworkdayover?”
“Yeah.We’vebeendoneforawhile.Wewerejusthangingout.I’mgonnaheadhome,though.”HegaveClementineakiss,thensetherontheground.“Bytheway,remindyourwifetomoveherstuffoutoftheapartment.Ifthere’sanythingleftwhenImovein,it’smine.”
Myhandfrozemidwaytomyface.Whatthehellwashegoingonabout?
Luckilyforme,Mileswasatalker,sohefilledmeinwithoutasking.
“HaveyoubeentoEliseandSaoirse’splace?It’ssweet.Theviewsarekiller,andmybigassfitsinthebathtub,noproblem.I’monlylivingtheretemporarilywhiletheleadpaintgetsremovedfrommyhouse’swalls.Apparently,that’sdangerousorsomething.Don’ttellSaoirse,butIusedoneofhercandleslastnight.Andherbubblebath.”Helaughedathimselfandclappedmeontheshoulder.“Allright.Goodtoseeyou.Haveaniceweekend.”
Milesexitedwithoutwaitingformetosaygoodbye.WhichwasgoodbecauseIwasstilltryingtowrapmyheadaroundwhathe’djustsaid.
Clemmeowedatmyfeet,soIbentdownandpickedherup.AsIstraightened,Saoirseemergedfromheroffice,stridingtowardmewithaworriedpinchinherbrow.
“Hey.Youlooklikeyouneedtositdown.”Cuppingthebackofmyneck,sheplacedasoft,lingeringkissonmylips.“Comesitdownwithme.”
“Younevermovedallyourthingshere.”
Herheadcanted,thepinchinherbrowdeepening.“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Mileswantsmetoremindyoutomoveyourthingsoutofyourapartment.Youneverreallymovedinhere.”
“Well,yes.Ileftsomeofmybelongingstheresincewestillhadtheplaceforawhile—”
“Andyouhadonefootoutthedoorthisentiretime.”
“No.Thatisn’ttrue.Iuprootedmyselftomoveintoyourplace.Webarelykneweachotherthen.Ileftafewthingsthere,butmyfootisn’toutthedoor.”Sheputherhandontopofmine,whichwasonClem’sback.Ilookeddownatourwovenfingers,feelingnocomfort.“Canwegositdown?Iknowyouhavetobeexhaustedfromtoday,andIwantto—”
“Whereareyourrings?”
“What?”Herwideeyesflickedfromminetoherhand.“Oh,Idon’tknow.IguessIforgottoputthemonthismorning.”
IhadtoputClemdownonthefloorbeforeIlostit.I’dbeenontheedgewhenIwalkedin.Pressurecomingatmefromallsides.ExpectationsIhadnochoicebuttomeet.Saoirsetoldmejustlastnightshe’dbemysoftplacetoland,buttherewasnothingcomfortingaboutknowingthewomanIlovedcouldeasilywalkoutthedoorwhenevershewanted.Hell,shewasonlyhalfwayhere,evennow.
“Ihaven’ttakenmyringoffsincewegotmarried.”
Shetouchedherforehead.“I’msorry.Itwasanaccident.YouknowInormallywearthem,butthingshavebeenoutoftheordinarylatelyanditslippedmymind.”
“Allday.”
Herlipspursedlikeshe’dsuckedonsomethingsour.“Yes,apparentlyso.Ispentmydayfrettingforyou,andwhenIwasn’tdoingthat,Iwastextingyou,orMileswastalkingmeoutofgettinginmycartogotoyou.”
“Miles?Didyoutellhimwhat’sgoingon?”
Suddenly,Icouldn’tstandthathe’dbeenherewithher.HegotpartsofherIdidn’t.WhileI’dbeenwatchingmysister’sworldfallapart,he’dbeenmakingherlaugh.
Ihadnosayinit.Shecoulddowhatshewanted,andI’dbeexpectedtocarryon.Holditalltogether.
“No,ofcoursenot.”Shesteppedintomeandclutchedmyfoldedarms.“Luca,please.Comesitdown.Letmegetyouadrinkandwecantalkaboutthis.Orwhateveryouwant,Ijust—”
“Whenthetwoyearsareover,doyoustillplantowalkawayfromme?”
Thepleainhereyesandthethinlineherlipspressedintogavememyanswer.
“Idon’t—whyarewetalkingaboutthisnow?”Shecuppedthesideofmyneckandpressedherchesttomyarms.“Neitherofusknowswhatwillhappen,butIdon’twanttobeanywhereelsebuthere.Iwanttobewithyou,Luca.Isn’tthatenough?”
“Doyouloveme?”
Shenoddedsharply,immediately.“Ido.Iloveyouverymuch.Doyouloveme?”
“Madly.”MyjawrippledwitheverythingIwasholdingback.“WhichiswhyI’mendingouragreement.”
Shesuckedinaharshbreath.“Whydoeslovingmemeantheendofouragreement?”
Unfoldingmyarms,Itookherfaceinmyhands.“Becauseyou’remywife.That’srealtome,andfuck,maybeitalwayshasbeen,butIcan’tgoonlovingyoulikethisifIdon’thaveanyguarantees.IhavetoknowI’myourhusbandineverysenseoftheword.Tellmeourmarriageisrealtoyou.”
“Luca,”shebreathed.“Thisisn’tthetime.”
“No.”Idroppedherface,takingastepback.“Yousaidit’syourjobtomakemylifeeasier.Well…thisisit.I’maskingforyourpromisethatthisisrealtoyou.Nomoreagreement.It’smeandyou,husbandandwife.”
Sheturnedherhead,butnotbeforehereyesfilledwithtears.IknewwhattheanswerwouldbebeforeIasked,butknowingandseeingitliveandincolorweretwodifferentthings.
“Ican’tdothatrightnow.”Shetouchedherdelicatefingertipstoherlips.“Whenthisisallover,wecan—”
“Sayyes.”Ishovedmyfingersintomyhair,athroblikenothingI’deverfeltsurgingthroughmyskull.“I’maskingyoutosayyes.”
Sheshookherhead,stillfacingaway.“I’mnotdoingthisrightnow.Notlikethis.”
Shedidn’tgetit.Ithadtobenow.Everythingelsewasunsettled.Thefoundationofmyworldwascrumbling,andallIcoulddowasapplyducttapeandthrowawishuptothestarsitwouldhold.ThingsIknewtobetruewerelies.Upwasdownanddownwasup.
IneededhertobetheoneunchangingthingIcouldcounton.IfIwasworriedIwasgoingtoloseherwhensomearbitrarydatecamealong,howdidIdealwiththethousandotherthingsIhadto?
“Sayyes,Saoirse.”Iyankedatthecollarofmyshirt.Itwastoofuckingtightfortheknotinmythroat.Somewhereinthecondo,myphonerang,buttherewasnooneelseIwantedtotalkto,soitbarelyregistered.“Lookatmeandsayyes.”
Shewouldn’tgivemeherface,soIwalkedaroundheruntilshehadnochoicebuttoseeme.Hereyesflared,butshewouldn’tsaytheword.Herteethdugintoherbottomlip,trappingheranswersinside.
“Iamaskingyoutosayyes.”Islappedmychestinfrustration.“I’mtellingyouIneedit.”
“Iloveyou,”shewhispered.
Therewasahurricaneinsideme.Wildanduncontrollable,shakingmykneesandballingmyfists.Adelugeofexhaustionandangerwarredinmybrain.Mysister’scriesechoedlikerollingthunderinmyears.Ihadtoyelltomakemyselfheardoveritall.
“Thensayyes.”
Saoirseflinched,takingastepawayfromme.“Stopit,Luca.”
Myphonebeganringingagain,drivingaspikeintomyachinghead.
“Yousayyestoeveryoneelse.Youdroppedeverythingtoworkforanothermanforfree.Butyouwon’tsayyestome?Youlovemeandyouwon’tsayyes?”
Hershouldersjumpedandbunchedaroundherears,whichtoldmeIwaslouderthanI’dmeanttobe,buteverythingwasswirlingoutofcontrol.Shewassupposedtobemyfuckingbuoy.Mysoftplace.AndIcouldn’tgetagrasponher.Onanything.
Tearswererollingdownhercheekswhenhereyeslockedonmine.“You’reaskingmetospillwineonmyself.”
Thatbroughtmetoadeadstop.
“What?”ButI’dheardher—andeverythingbehindthosewords.
“IfIsaidyestoyou,itwouldbetomakeyouhappy.Andgod,Luca,Iwanttomakeyouhappy.Iwoulddoanythingforyoutofeelthatway.”
IfinishedherthoughtsinceIknewexactlywhereshewasgoingwithit.“Butnotatyourownexpense,right?Beingmarriedtomeforrealwouldmeanspillingwineonyourself.That’showyouseeit.”
Myphonerangagain.Thiswasthethirdorfourthtime.SaoirseandIbothturnedinthedirectionofthegratingsound.
“Youshouldgetthat,”shewhispered.
“We’renotfinishedtalking.”Butthephonewouldn’tstopringing.Inamomentofclarity,Irememberedthecrisiscurrentlyhappeningoutsidethesewalls.
Iwalkedbacktotheentry.Seeingmydad’snameonthescreendrewmeuptight.Somethingwaswrong.
“Hello?”
“ThankChrist,”heuttered.“YouneedtogetdowntoDavisMemorialassoonasyoucan.Clara’sbeeninacaraccidentandthey’retakingherintosurgerytodeliverthebaby.”
Blooddrainedfrommyface.“No.Accident?”
“I’llexplainitwhenyougethere.She’sgoingtoneedallofusaroundher.”
Myheartbeatwhooshedinmyears.“I’llbethere.DavisMemorial.”
SaoirsewasbesidemewhenIhungup,concernetchedonthefaceIlovedmorethananythingbutcouldbarelylookat.
“Clara’sinthehospital.Ineedtogo.”
Shenodded.“Okay.Letmegetmyshoes.”
“Idon’thavetimetowait.Mysisterneedsme.”
Shemurmuredaprotest,butitwastoolate.Iwasalreadygone.ChapterForty
Saoirse
Idrovemyselftothehospital,onlyafewminutesbehindLuca.
ButonceIarrived,Ididn’tknowwhattodo.Iwantedtobethereforhimmorethananything,buthewassoverymadatme.Iwasn’thappywithhimeither,butIcouldforgivehimbecauseIknewhewashurting.
ItextedLucatolethimknowIhadarrivedthentookaseatinthelobbyandwaited.
Andwaited.
Atsomepoint,Imusthavenoddedoffbecausesomethingwokemeup.Atouch,ormaybeapresence.Itdidn’tmatter.WhenIopenedmyeyes,Lucawasstandinginfrontofme.
Hisscruffwasthicker.Hiseyeswerehollowandbloodshot.Hisclothesandhairweredisheveled,whichwassoincrediblyunlikehim.Helookedbeautiful,though.Sad,butasightforsoreeyes,ashealwayswas.
“Clara?”Icroaked.
Henodded.“Shehasaconcussionandfracturedcollarbone.She’sasleepandhasn’tmetherdaughteryet.”
Iswallowedbackmytearsandfocusedonmyrelief.“Andthebaby?”
“IntheNICU,butshelooksgood.”Hecuppedhisnape.“Youshouldgo.”
Iclimbedtomyfeet,wishinghe’dopenhisarmssoIcouldwalkintothem.“Iwanttobehere.Ifyouguysneedanything,I—”
“No,Saoirse.I’mnotgoingtoallowmyfamilytogetusedtoyoubeingaroundwhenwebothknowit’stemporary.”
Ithurt.Thehardlookinhiseyes.Thedistanceheforcedbetweenus.Weweren’ttemporary,evenifhebelievedthatrightnow.ThewayIlovedhimwasn’tgoingaway.Weowedeachotheraconversation,morethanone,butitwasn’tgoingtohappennow.Notwhenemotionswerehighanddefenseswereevenhigher.
“ButIwouldliketohelpifIcan.Icanstaydownhereandbeoncallifaneedarises.Iwon’tgetintheway.”
“You’renotgettingit.”Luca’sjawflexedandrippledbeforehespatoutfivewordsthatvaporizedeveryounceofmyhopewecouldfindawaythroughthis,strikingmetomycore.“Idon’twantyouhere.”
Myheartlodgedinmythroat,sobig,Icouldn’tbreathemorethanawispofair.Mymouthattemptedtoformabravesmile,butitprobablylookedinsane.Lucawasn’tfocusedonme.Hiseyesweredistant.LikeIwasn’tthereanymore.
Hedidn’twantme.Nothereoranywhere.
“Okay,”Irasped.“I’llgo.TellClaracongratulationsformewhenshewakesup.”
Ihesitatedforabeat,givingusbothachancetochangeourminds.Lucaremainedimpassiveandfar,faraway,andIcouldn’tstayforanothersecond.
Ileftwithoutanotherword,chargingthroughthelobbyandoutthefrontdoors.Iwasn’tlookingwhereIwasgoingandranstraightintosomeoneheadinginside.Theycaughtmebythebiceps,steadyingme.
“Saoirse?”
Ifocusedonthemaninfrontofme.“Elliot.I’m—”
“You’recrying.”
“AmI?”Itouchedmycheeks,shockedtofindthemwet.IthoughtI’dbeenholdingbackmytears.
“IsClara…?”
“Oh.”Myeyesrounded.“No,Claraisokay.That’snot—she’sokay,andI’mjustleaving.It’sgoodyou’rehereforLuca.Heneedsafriend.”
Elliothadn’tletgoofme.“Whythehellareyouleavinghim?Whatheneedsishiswife.”
Ishookmyhead,lettingmyeyesfalltothefloor.“Hedoesn’twantmehere.”
Hisfingerstightenedaroundmyarmsbeforelettinggoandgivingthemagentlerub.Whenhespoke,though,hewasallbusiness.“Okay.I’llcheckonLuca.Doyouneedmetoarrangearidehomeforyou?”
“No.I’mfine.Idrovemyself.”
Hepeeredatmewithapinchedexpression.“Areyousurethat’ssafe?You’reupset.”
Idrewinadeepbreath.IknewElliotLevywellenoughtoknowhewouldn’tletmeleavehissightifhebelievedIwasadangertomyselforothers.Hismotherhaddiedinacaraccident,sohedidn’ttakedrivingrecklesslylightly.
“I’mgood,Elliot.Ijustneedtogethome.”
Ittookafewmoreminutestoconvincehim,buthefinallyletmego.Idrovecarefully,probablymorethanIwouldhaveifIhadn’thadElliot’sdisapprovingglareonmymind.Ididn’twanttohearhisshitifIcrashedmycar,soImadesureIdidn’toutofspite.
Evenheartbroken,Icouldn’tletElliotLevygetthebestofme.
Hourslater,Istilldidn’tknowwhattodo.Lucahadn’tcomeback,andthewallsofourhomewereclosingin.Beingsqueezedlikethis,Icouldn’tsleeporthink.Iwantedhimtocomehomesowecouldtalk,butIdreadeditatthesametime.He’dtoldmeinnouncertaintermshedidn’twantmearound.
Itwashiswayornothing.
Therewasnooneformetotalktoaboutthiswith.Anyothersituation,IwouldhavebeendrinkingwinewithElise,singingDollyPartonsongsuntilmyvoicegaveout,andlettinghermopmytears.ButIcouldn’tdothat.IfIdid,I’dhavetoadmittoourlie.
Ineededspacetoarrangemythoughtsanddecidehowtogoonfromhere.Icouldn’tbeherewhenLucacamehome.
Notnow.
NotwhenIdidn’tknowwhattosaytohimorwhathappenednext.
So,Ipackedabagandwrotehimanote.ThenIgaveClementinesomesnugglesandarrangedforourdoormantocheckonheruntilLucareturned.
AsmuchasIwantedtohoponaplaneandmovesomewhereontheothersideoftheglobe,Icouldn’tdothat.Ihadresponsibilitiesherenow,soIwasn’tleavingforever.
Justfornow.ChapterForty-one
Saoirse
Bynineo’clockthatevening,IwasatJoy’sElbowRoom,throwingbackabeerwithmysister-in-law.Countrymusicfilteredoverthedinofconversationaroundus.Couplesdanced.Friendsplayeddarts.Oursmalltablewasanislandofmiseryinthemidstoftherevelry.
Well,Iwasmiserable.Elenawasstaringatmewithbarelyrestrainedimpatience.Shedidn’thavealotofitonanormalbasis,butpregnancysuckedtherestrightoutofher.
OnceI’darrivedinWyoming,I’dspenttheafternoonsnugglingthekids,ridingAthena,andavoidingquestions.Elenahadputherfootdownafterdinner
Shewasn’tdemandinganswers,butIknewIwasn’tgettingoutofthistownwithoutspillingmyguts.Deepdown,thatwasprobablywhyIcamehere.Elenawasn’texactlyaneutralparty,butexposingthetruthtoherwouldn’tblowupmyandLuca’sfriendgroup.
Allittookwasonebeer,andIwasreadytotalk.
WhenIstarted,everythingpouredoutatonce.
“MymarriagetoLucaisanarrangement.Hebasicallyneededawifeforhisimage,andIneededmymotheroffmybackaboutdating.Heaskedmetomarryhimfortwoyears,andIsaidyesbecause…well,youknowhowIam.Ialwayssayyes.Buthetoldmefromthebeginninghewantedtosettledownandhavearealmarriageeventually,andIexplainedmyanti-marriagestance.We’retwopeoplewithfundamentallydifferentbeliefsaboutthat.Itshouldhavebeensimple.Ithoughtitwouldbe.”
Iwavedmyemptyglassatourpassingwaitress.Onebeerwasn’tgoingtocutit.Ithadonlybeguntoblurtherawedgesofmyevisceratedheart.Iwasgoingforfull-onnumbness.
Elenafoldedherarms,raisedabrow,andwaitedformetocontinue,soIdid.
“Wefellinlove.Itwasn’tonpurpose,butithappened,anditwasbeautiful,El.BeingwithLucaisaseasyasbreathing.Mostofthetime,Iforgotaboutourarrangement.Hewasjustmine,andIwashis.ButthenClara—that’shissister—hadacrisisinhermarriage.Herhusbandturnedouttobethisdespicablehuman,andLucahashadtoholdtheweightofhisfamilywhileeverythingfellapart.”
Afullbeerwasplacedinfrontofme.Withgratefulhands,Ipickeditupandtookalongpull.Elenaswunghercrossedlegandwaitedformetocontinue
“Hecamehomelastnight,andIcouldtellhewasn’thimself.HefoundoutIstillhadsomethingsatmyapartment,plusIwasn’twearingmyrings,andheaccusedmeofhavingonefootoutthedoor.Hewassomadhewouldn’tlistentoanythingIsaid.Thenhetoldmehelovedmeforthefirsttime.Ilovehimtoo.HowcouldInot?I’veneverlovedamanthewayIdohim.Butthen…hedemandedtomakeourmarriagereal.Hewantedmetosayyesrightthenandthere,knowinghowIfeelaboutmarriage.AndIcouldn’t,Elena.OfcourseIcouldn’t.”
Myheadfellintomyhands,tooheavytoholdupright.“ThenClaragotintoacaraccident,soLucahadtorushtothehospital.Hewouldn’tletmecome,butIfollowedhimanyway.Andhe—”
Mythroatwastootighttogetthewordsout.Elenalaidherhandonmine,givingitafirmsqueeze.Mysister-in-lawwasn’tthemostdemonstrativeperson.IfIwasgettingahandhold,Imusthavetrulylookedmiserable.
“Hetoldmehedidn’twantme.Hetoldmetogo.”
Iached.Deargod,didIache.WhatwasIsupposedtodo?Inevershouldhaveagreedtoanyofthis.HowcouldIgobacktoDenver,shareSundaybrunchwithmyfriends,andfaceLucaagainandagain?IalreadyknewIwouldn’tbeableto.Timewouldn’tbeenough.
Iwouldnevergetoverhim.
HowcouldI?He’dlovedmesowell.Noothermanwouldeverbeabletotouchtheplaceinsidemehe’dcarvedforhimself.Itwouldbeemptywithouthisclaimonit.
“Isthatit?”ElenadugaroundinherpurseandwithdrewaplastictubeIrecognizedalltoowell.
Iheldmyhandout,andsheshookacannabisgummyintomypalm,thentossedthetubebackinherbag.
“Whatdoyoumean,isthatit?”Ialmostshrieked.Hadn’tshebeenlistening?“IjusttoldyouI’mheartbroken.”
“Butwhy?Idon’tunderstandtheproblem.Yourhusbandwantstobemarriedtoyou.You’realreadymarried.Nothinghastochange.”
MaybeI’dhadtoomanybeers.Shewasconfusingme.“But…itwasanarrangement.Itwasn’treal.”
Shakingherhead,shechuffed.“Wereyoucommittedtoeachother?”
Inodded.
“Andyoualreadysaidyou’reinlove.”
Inoddedagain,slowlychewingonmygummy.
“Youadoptedacattogether.”
“Clementine.”Imissedher,andithadn’tevenbeentwenty-fourhours.Thankfully,thedoormanhadtextedmepicturesofherwhenhecheckedonher.
Elenaleanedin.“Thesexis…good?”
“Gooddoesn’tevencomeclosetodescribingit.”
Herlipscurved.“Youmeteachother’sfamilies.”
“Yes,butitwaspartoftheagreement—”
Sheflickedherfingers,dismissingme.“I’massumingthismarriageislegal,right?”
“Yes,ofcourse.”
“Thenwhat’stheproblem?You’remarriedtoamanwhofucksyouright,lovesyouandyourcat,isgoodtoyou,richasGod,hotashell…Idon’tgetit.”
HowhadElenamanagedtotwistmymindaroundsothoroughlythatIwasbeginningtonotunderstandmyownproblems?Wassheawitch?
Maybeitwastheweed…andbeer.
“Idon’tbelieveinmarriage?”Yeah,ithadcomeoutasaquestion.Idoubtedmyselfatthispoint.
Elenalaughed.“Doyouevenknowwhatyoubelieve?Youknow,yourbrothertriedtouseyourparentsasanexcusetodumpme.”
Isatbackinmychair,heartsinking.“Irememberthat.”Thatwasadecadeago,andIstillrecalltellingLockhewasbeinganidiotforbreakingupwithElena.Thankfully,hepulledhisheadoutofhisassquicklyandsheforgavehim.Imighthavemademydadadopthersoshecouldhavestillbeenmysisterifhehadn’t.
“Thenyou’llalsorememberitdidn’twork.Hefiguredoutveryquicklyhowstupiditwastousehisparents’mistakesasanexcusenottolivethelifehewanted.Iseeyoudoingthesameafteryouhadfront-rowseatstoLachlanfumblingthebag,andIcan’thelpwonderingwhyyou’rebeingstupidtoo.Isthisfear?”
Iflinchedfromthepummelingshe’dgivenme.“You’rebeingmean.”
“No,I’mbeingblunt.”
AndthiswasexactlywhyIcametoElena.Sheneverpulledpunches.Shewouldn’tcoddlemeandtellmemydecisionswererightiftheyweredeadwrong.
“I’veneverwantedtobemarried.”
Shearchedabrow.“Andyet,youare.”
“Butit’snotreal.”
“Youkeepsayingthat.Idon’tthinkthatwordmeanswhatyouthinkitmeans.”
“IonlymarriedLucabecausetherewasanenddate.He’stheonewhochangedwhatweagreedon.Hedidn’tevenwanttohaveaconversationaboutit.Itwashiswayornothing.”
“Andyouhonestlychosenothing?”
“Idon’tbelieveinmarriage,”Iwhispered.
“It’snotafairytale,babe.It’sanagreementbetweentwopeople,whichiswhatyouandLucahave.Wasitfairforhimtochangethedetails?No,ofcoursenot.Itsoundslikehewasatotaljackass.”
“Heyelledatme.”
Becausehe’dbeeninpain.MyLucahadbeenhurtingandangry.IfIhadn’tbeenthere,hewouldhaveyelledatthewalls.Takenhisfuryoutonacanvasormoundsofclay.Butithadbeenme.AndIwasn’tawallorclay.Iwasawomanwithout-of-controlfeelings,shakyknees,arattlingheart.
Hereyesnarrowed.“Didhehurtyou?”
“No.Ididn’tlovebeingyelledat,butIwasn’tafraidofhim.”
Achingforhim.Confusedbyhim.Needyforhim.Angryathim.Neverafraidofhim.
“Good.IwouldhateforLachlantohavetomurderhim.”
“Hewould.”Mybrotherdidn’tplaywhenitcametothewomenheloved.
Shenodded.“Notaquestion.Yourfatherwouldprobablygetinonitaswell.”
“Thereisnoneedforviolence.”Myheadwasbeginningtofeellighter,asweremytroubles.Thegummywasworkingitsmagic.“Idon’tthinkyou’llseehimagainanyway.”
Elenasighedandpickeduphersparklingwater,givingitaswirl.Thenshereachedformyhand.“Iwanttodance.IfIgoouttherealone,I’llenduphavingtofendoffalonelyrancherortwo,soyou’llhavetodancewithme.”
ThegummyhadloosenedmeupjustenoughthatIletherdragmetomyfeetandovertothedancefloor.EveryonewasdoingsomelinedanceIdidn’tknow,butIjoinedinanyway.Soon,Iwassweptupinit,shufflingandspinning,probablydoingitallwrong,butIdidn’tgiveadamn.Itwassomethingotherthanbeingmiserable,soIlatchedontoitwithbothhands.
Onesongblendedwiththenext.ElenaandIdancedtogether,andanytimeaguysomuchasglancedourway,shebaredherteeth.Evenpregnant,sheattractedattention.Thatmight’vebeenbecauseshehadawhole“EvilElsa”thinggoing.Scarybuthot.
Wespununtilweweredizzyandhadbouncedourselvessweaty.Eventually,webellieduptothebarforanotherdrink.
Aprettybartenderwithblackhairandbright-blueeyesrestedherelbowsonthebarandgrinned.
“What’llitbe?”sheasked.
Elenapattedmyhead.“Joy,thisisSaoirse.Saoirse,Joy.”
IwavedatJoy,whoIassumedwastheownersincehernamewasallovertheplace,andshewavedback.
“Saoirsedoesn’tbelieveinmarriage,”Elenasaid.
Joynoddedatmyrings.“Pityforyourhusband.”
Ihidmyhandbehindmyback.Elenacackled.“Right?Itoldheryoucan’tnotbelieveinmarriagewhenyou’reliterallymarried.Anyway,Saoirseneedsashot.Somethingsweetandstrong,please.AndI’llhaveanotherseltzer.”
JoysalutedElena.“Igotyou.”
ElenaturnedtomewhileJoypouredourdrinks.“Youknow,Iwassuspiciouswhenyoucalledtotellusyou’deloped.AllthetimeI’veknownyou,you’vebeenadamantlyagainstgettingmarried.ButthenyoushowedupherewithLuca,andIsawhowhelookedatyou.ThenhewassopatientwithCaleb,who’dchallengedhimateveryturn,andIthought,‘Saoirsemighthavelandedagoodone.’”
“Heisgood,”Iagreed.
Joyslidusourdrinksandmovedalong.Iswallowedthesweetliquid,exhalingasitfireddownmythroatandwarmedmychest.
“Ithinkhe’sgoodforyou.”Elenatookagulpofherseltzerandwipedhermouthwiththebackofherhand.“He’syourlighthouse.”
“My—what?”
“SometimesIworryaboutyou,babe.You’vebeendirectionlessforalongtimewhilecallingitfreedomandadventure.Thosearegoodthings,butIseeyouusingyouradventurousspiritasacoverforyourfearofcommittingtoanything.Notajob,acity,ahome.ButsinceLucacameintoyourlife,you’vecommitted.Youstartedthebusinessyou’vebeenthinkingaboutforyears.Youhavethecatyoualwayswanted.Andyoufellinlove.Headoverheels.IthinkbeingwithLucahasallowedyoutofeelsecureenoughtograbontothethingsyou’vealwayswanted.Youcanexploreunchartedwatersbecausehe’syourbeaconhome.Doyouevenknowhowrarethatis?Tohavesomeonewhoreallyseesyou,valuesyou,andsupportsyou?”
Tearswelledinmyeyes.Icouldn’tcryatthebaratJoy’sElbowRoom.Iabsolutelyrefused.So,IbitdownontheinsideofmycheekuntilIgotmyselfundercontrol.
“Ilovehimverymuch,”Irasped.“ButIdon’tknowhowtonavigatethis.HowdoImovepastthesefeelingsI’vehadforsolong?”
“Youhavetotalktoeachother.”Shecurledherarmaroundmyshoulders.“Hewaswrongforforcingyourhandandthenbeingcrueltoyouwhenyoucouldn’tsaywhathewantedyoutosay.Butthere’snowayaroundthis.Youhavetoworkthroughit.Andthatwillonlyhappenifyoubotharewilling.”
Ileanedmyheadagainsthers.“Idon’tknowifhe’swilling.”
“Youwon’tknowuntilyoufacehim,babe.Runningwillonlygetyousofar.”
Iwasn’treadytogiveuponLuca.
ButIalsowasn’treadytofacehimeither.NotwhenIstilldidn’tknowifIwascapableofbeingwhathewantedmetobe.
Ifheevenwantedmeatall.ChapterForty-two
Luca
ItseemedimpossiblefortheretobeanythingwrongintheworldwhenIheldmynieceinmyarms.
Iwasthesecondonetoholdher.Clarahadn’twantedtogiveherup,whichIunderstood.ItriedmybesttoplaythepartMillerwouldhave,takingpicturesofeverymomentandmakingsureClarawasascomfortableaspossible.
Timewasnothingbutanabstracttheoryinthehospital.IdozedeveryonceinawhileandatetheleftoversfromClara’stray.Ourparentshoveredatfirst,butourfatherneededtorestforhisownhealth,soIwastheonewhostayedovernightwithher.
WhileClaranapped,myniecesquirmedinherbassinet,soItookheroutandcradledheragainstmychest.AntonellaRossi—Nellie—madethiscrookedworldstraightagain.I’dlovedherbeforewe’devenmet,butIhadneverexperiencedanythinglikelookingintohertiny,roundfaceandfeelinglikeIwasfallingandsinkingatthesametime.
“I’llmakeitrightforyou,”Iwhispered.“Whenyouneedme,I’llalwaysbethere,Nelliebaby.UncleLucalovesyou.”
Herlipspuckered,andlonglashesbrushedhercheeks.Thatwasenoughofareactionforme.Anythingshedidwasfuckingamazing.
Bydaythree,mysisterandmotherkickedmeout.Accordingtothem,Iwasawalkingzombie.AndmaybeIwas.Butthefactwas,Ipreferredcampingoutinthehospitaltofacingtheunknownoutsideofit.
Elliotwaswaitingformeoutfront.AsmuchasIdidn’twanttobedependentonanyone,Ihadn’tsleptindays,andIhadnobusinessdriving.
“Howisthebaby?”heaskedonceIwasbuckled.
“She’shealthy.Eatinglikeachamp.”Isighed,scrubbingahandovermyface.“Ihatethatshewasborninthemidstofashitshow.”
“Clarawillrally.”
Inodded.Mysisterwasmorethancapableofhandlingmotherhood.Thiswasn’therplan,andherheartwasbroken,butshewasdetermined.WhenClarawasdetermined,whatevershewantedtomakehappen,shedid.Thatwaswhoshewas
“She’salreadyrallying.”
HisthumbstappedonthewheelashedrovethroughthequietstreetsofDenver.Itwasearly.Notmanypeoplewereoutyet.Themoredistanceweputbetweenusandthehospital,themoremymentalfoglifted.Itwaslikeemergingfromadays’-longfuguestateandclaritywasreturninglittlebylittle.
“IsawSaoirseleavingthehospital.”
Iwhippedmyheadinhisdirection.“When?”
“Thefirstnight.Sheaskedmetobethereforyousinceyoudidn’twantherthere.”
ThissinkingsensationwasnothingliketheoneI’dhadwhenholdingNellie.Thiswasbeingpulledunderbyquicksand,compressingmychestuntilIcouldn’tbreathe.I’dpushedeverythingbutClaraandthebabyfrommymindinthehazeofallthathadbeengoingon,anditallcameslammingback.
“Ican’ttalkaboutthatrightnow.”
Normally,thatwouldbeallIneededtosaytogetElliottobackoff,butnotthistime.Hestayedsilentforallofaminute.
“I’veknownSaoirseforalongtimenow,andIhaveneverseenherlikethat.Shelookedlikeakickeddog.AndIthinkyoudidthekicking.”
Theedgeinhistonehadmesittingupstraight.Somethingaboutitprickledmysenses,alertingme.
“Wehadadisagreement.”
Hehuffed.“Isthatwhatyoucalltellingyourwifeshecan’tbeatthehospital?”Heglancedatmethroughnarrowedeyes.“I’veknownyoualongtimetoo,andIneverthoughtyouhaditinyoutobecruel.”
“Cruel?Youhavenoideawhathappenedbetweenus.”
“Didshedosomethingworthtreatingherlikegarbage?Isthatwhatyou’retellingme?”
Iopenedmymouthtosayyes,butnothingcameout.TherawtruthwasSaoirsehadn’tdoneanythingwrong.Itwasallonme.I’dbeentheonetodemandthingsofherIhadnorightto.Ilostmytemperandyelled.Ispoketoherlikeshewasnothingwhenshewasexactlytheopposite.
“No.Shedidn’t,”Iadmitted,anditwaslikechewingglass.Itwasn’therfaultshedidn’twantthesamethingsIdid.She’dbeenhonestfromthebeginning.Iwastheonewho’ddeviatedfromthearrangement.
“Idon’tcarewhatyoudo.Findawaytofixit.”
Thesameawarenessprickled.Irecognizeditnow.Territorialism.“Whyareyousoconcernedaboutmywife?Areyoulininguptotakemyplaceorsomething?”
Elliotburstintolaughter,whichwasararesight.“Oh,you’resofargone.I’llletthatslidesinceyouhaven’tsleptindays.Onceyou’rerested,Iexpectyou’llrecognizehowwrongwhatyoujustsaidwasoneverylevel.”
“You’reright.Thatwasoutofline.I’mjustsurprisedatyourlevelofcareoverSaoirse.”
Hisfingersflexedonthesteeringwheel,butthatwastheonlysignhewaspissedatme.“Thereareveryfewpeoplewhoareimportanttome.Eliseisoneofthem.You’reanother.Beingherbestfriendandyourwife,Saoirsefallsintothatcategorybecauseofwhosheistoyouboth.Idon’twanttohavetoexplaintomysisterwhyherbestfriend’shusbanddickedherover.Sofixitbeforeitcomestothat.”
“Idon’tknowifitcanbefixed.”
“You’reasmoothtalker.Idon’tdoubtyouhaveitinyou.”
Elliotleftmewiththatvoteofconfidence,andsinceitwastheonlyconfidenceIhad,Itookit.
ThedoormansmiledandwavedatmeasIwalkedin.Iwouldhavekeptgoingwithanodifhehadn’tcalledmeover.
“You’reback,Mr.Rossi?”
Icockedmyhead,unsurewhyhewasasking.Wedidn’tusuallyexchangeniceties.“I’mback.”
“That’sgreat.Don’tworryaboutClementine.Ikepthercompanythelastfewdays.Easyaspie.”
Istaredathim,unsureifmyexhaustionwasconfusingmemorethanIthought.“Youtookcareofmycat?”
Henoddedslowly,hisbrowfurrowing.“Sure.Mrs.Rossiaskedmeto.DidIdosomethingwrong?”
Isteppedback,shakingmyhead.Whatthefuck?WhywouldSaoirsehaveaskedthisguytotakecareofClem?
Needingtogoupstairsandgettothebottomofwhatwasgoingon,Iofferedaquickthanksandstrodetotheelevator,punchingthebuttonforthepenthouse.
TheminuteIwalkedinthedoor,Clementinecamestridinguptome.Iscoopedherintomyarmsandkissedthetopofherhead.
“Where’syourmother?”
Shemeowed,whichwasn’tanyhelp.ButIdidn’tneedmycattotellmethecondowasempty.Saoirse’spresencewasunmistakable,andthismorning,itwasabsent.IfnotforClem,Iwouldhavesaidmyhomefelthollowedout.
Butmaybethatwasjustme.
Ihadtogetmylifetogether.WithMillergoneandClaraoutonleave,Rossineededmetobetheremorethanever.Ishouldhavebeentakingapowernap,aquickshower,throwingonasuit,andheadingintotheoffice.Itwastheresponsiblethingtodo.
Dutytomyfamilyandmycompanyhadmeswayingonmyfeet.Ineededtomakeamove,butwhichway?
Ireallyonlyhadtothinkforafewsecondsbeforemychoicewasobvious.
MynextmovewouldbeinthedirectionofSaoirse,wherevershehadgone.
CarryingClemthroughthecondo,Isearchedforclues.Mystomachclenchedwithdisappointmentattheemptyden.I’dbeenholdingouthopeI’dfindherinthere.
ClemjumpedoutofmyarmswhenIenteredourbedroom.Saoirse’sscenthungintheairbutnowherenearstrongenoughformyliking.She’dinvadedeverycornerofmyhome.Ofme.AndIneverwantedtogobacktothecobwebsthathadbeentherebefore.She’dbroughtsomuchlightandsweetness.
Therewasasheetofpaperinthecenterofourbed.Unmissable.Isatdownontheedgeandpickeditup.MyhandshookasIread.
Luca,
I’mgoingtospendsometimeinWyomingtogiveusboththespaceIthinkweneed.I’llbeworkingfromtheranchforthenexttwoweeks.WhenIcomeback,Ihopewecansitdownandhaveaconversationaboutwherewegofromhere.Ifyouwanttoendthearrangementcompletely,Iunderstand.Therewon’tbeanyhardfeelingsonmyend.
Ifyouneedanything,orifsomethingchangeswithClaraandthebaby,pleaseletmeknowandI’llbebackassoonasIcangetthere.Nomatterwhathappenswithus,I’llalwaysbethereifyouneedme.
IwantyoutoknowIreallydoloveyou.I’msorryweendedthingsonbadterms.I’mprettyshatteredoverthis,tobehonest.
Bewell.I’lltalktoyousoon.
Sincerely,
YourInconvenientWife
Whythehelldidthissoundlikeagoodbye?
Becauseyoutoldhertogo,motherfucker.
Weweren’tfinished.Notbyalongshot.AndtherewasnowayIwaswaitingtwoweekstohaveaconversationwithmywife.
Especiallywhenshe’dsignedherletterlikethat.Myhandtwitchedwiththeneedtoremindhertherewasnothinginconvenientabouther,despitewhatIhadsaid.
IrubbedmythumbovermyweddingbandandslippeditofftolookattheinscriptionI’ddiscoveredthedaywegotmarried.
ThedayIknewIhadgotteninovermyhead.
Iturnedonmyphone.Therewereathousandcallstoreturn.Amillionemailstoread.IignoredthemalltopressonSaoirse’scontact,openingourtextthread.Shehadn’ttextedmesinceshe’darrivedatthehospitalandhadspenthourswaitinginthelobbyforanupdate.EventhoughI’dtoldhernottocomeandthencallouslydismissedherwhenshedidanyway.
WhatthehellhadIdone?Panictogetontheroad,togettomywife,clawedatmychest.ButifIgotbehindthewheelnow,I’dbeputtingothersindanger.
Isentheratexttoletherknowwhatwashappening.
Me:I’llbeinWyomingtonight,andthenI’mcomingforyou.ChapterForty-three
Luca
IarrivedinSugarBrushjustbeforefive.Therewasplentyofdaylightleft,soifIhadtohuntmywifedown,Iwould.ButI’dhuntforherinthepitchblackwithonlymyothersensestorelyonifthatwaswhatitcamedownto.Theurgetofindherandkeepherwasstrongerthanmyownself-preservationatthispoint.
Iparkedandstartedforthebarn,decidingthatwasthebestplacetobeginmysearch.IfSaoirsewasn’tinthere,maybeLockorConnellcouldpointmetoher.
BeforeIcouldgetthere,aminiATVcameoutofnowhere,cuttingoffmypath.Toavoidgettingrunover,Ihadtojumpbackafewsteps.
CalebandHannahKellyblinkedupatmefromtheirlittlevehicle.Hannahwasgrinningandgiggling.“UncleLuca!”shesquealed.
“Hey,Hannie,”Igreetedwhilerubbingmychesttogetmystartledheartundercontrol.“Fancymeetingyouhere.”
“Ihaveabow.”Sheopenedherhandandheldituptoshowme.“Putiton,please.”
Seeingnootherchoice,Itookthebright-pinkbowfromher.ShewatchedmecarefullyandwithanedgeofmenaceuntilIslidtheclipintomyhair.
“Good?”Itippedmyheadtothesidetogiveheragoodlook.
Shenodded.“Iloveit,UncleLuca!”
Calebhadhisarmscrossedandadeepfrownonhischubbylittleface.“Whatareyoudoinghere?”
“I’mheretotalktoyourAuntSaoirse.Haveyouseenher?”
“Why?”
Inarrowedmyeyesathim.“She’smywife.”
Hislipcurledintoasnarl.“IheardmymommysayyoumadeAuntSershiesad.”
Hannahnodded.“AuntSershiecried.”
I’dknownI’dmadehersad.Iwasn’tevensurprisedshe’dcried.Buttherewassomethingaboutthesekidsdeliveringthenewsthatwasadaggertotheheart.
“I’mheretotellherI’mverysorryformakinghersad.Thinkyoucouldtellmewheresheis?”IaskedascalmlyasIcould.
Calebjuttedouthischin.“Areyougoingtomakehercryagain?”
“Ireallyhopenot.”
Thekidlookedmesquareintheeye.“AuntSershieisonMars,andsheforgotherphone.Sorry.”
“Mars,huh?MaybeI’llwaitforhertocomeback.”
Hechuffed.“Yougottagohomenowcuzwedon’thaveabedthat’llfityou.They’reallwaytoobigforyou.”
ThenheputhisminiATVingearandsteppedonthegas,zippingawaywhileHannahsquealedandwavedatmeoverhershoulder.
Apparently,Calebwasgoingtobemynemesis.IcouldlivewiththatuntilIgotSaoirseback.Then,I’dspendsometimewinningournephewover.He’dbeanUncleLucafanbeforeheturnedsix,andI’dconvincehimIwasn’tfuckingsmall.
IfoundLockinthebarn.Ifhewassurprisedtoseeme,hedidn’tshowit.Weshookhandsinsilence,andhewaitedformetospeak.
“I’mtoldSaoirsehasleftforMars.”
Lockgrunted.“YouhadaCalebrun-in,Itakeit.”
“Idid.”
“He’snotpleasedwiththestatehisauntarrivedin.Sheputonabravefaceforhim,buthe’snotstupid.”Lockfoldedhistreetrunkarms,sendingthedistinctmessagehewasn’timpressedwithmeeither.
“I’vecometofixthemessImade.Iwouldhavebeenheresooner,butI’vebeenwithmysisterinthehospital.”
Thehardnessinhisgazesoftenedafraction.“Howisshe?”
“Doingaswellascanbeexpected.SheandNelliewillbegoinghometomorrow.”
Heliftedhischin.“Gladtohearthat.”
“IsSaoirse—”
“Look,Luca.MywifeandIdon’thavesecretsfromeachother,whichmeansafterSaoirseunloadedonElena,Elenaunloadedonme.Theoriginsofyourmarriagewon’tgoanyfurtherifthat’showyouwantit.Tobefrank,Idon’tgiveadamnhowthingsstartedbetweenyou.WhatIcareaboutiswhereyougofromhere.”
Inoddedinagreement,unsurprisedSaoirsehadspilledeverythingtoElena.Iwasgladshehadsomeonetoconfidein.
“That’swhatIcareabouttoo.That’swhyI’mhere.”
Eyeingme,Lockwrappedhisthickfingersaroundtheendofashovel.“I’msureSaoirsehassharedsomeoftheuglinessshegrewupwitnessing.Igotout,wentawaytocollege,andshewasleftinthemiddleofit.Ifshe’sgun-shyaboutmarriage,shehaseveryreasontobe.Ifyou’renotabletounderstandherreticence,you’renotthemanforher.”
Hisblunttonemademegrimace.“Idounderstandit.I’mheretotellherIdo.”
Hisfingersflexedaroundtheshovel.“Don’tlethergetawaywithmakingexcusesoutoffear.Ifyouallowhertoconvinceherselfshedoesn’tdeservewhatshereallywants,she’lllivewithregretforever.IknowbecauseIalmostdidittomyself,andIwouldhavebeennothingwithoutEllie.”
“Idon’tevenknowifshewantstoseeme,butI’lltry,man.I’llkeeptrying.”
“She’llwanttoseeyou,”hegruffed.“You’regoingtoneedtogetonahorsetofindher.Rememberhowtoride?”
“Uh…”Iscratchedthebackofmyneckandscannedthehorsesinthestallsbehindhim,landingonmyoldfriend,Barney.“It’slikeridingabike,right?”
Lockpushedoutarumblingchuckle.“Sure.That’sonewaytolookatit.”HestartedtowardBarney,butbeforeIcouldtakeasteptofollowhim,hespunbackaroundandleveledmewithahardstare.“Onemorething.IfIeverhearaboutyouyellingatmysisterthewayyoudidafewdaysago,youwilldealwithme.I’mnotaviolentman,butwhenitcomestomyfamily,Idon’tplaygames.Gotme?”
“Igotyou,Lock.”Ididn’tlookawayfromhim.“Givemetime,andI’llshowyouyoudon’thavetoworryaboutSaoirsewithme.That’snevergoingtohappenagain.”
Henoddedonce.“Good.Now,helpmegetBarneysetupandI’llpointyoutowardSaoirse.”ChapterForty-four
Saoirse
I’dspentthedayoutinthefieldswithmyfather.He’dgivenmehalfhistasks,andwe’dstillmanagedtohavemorethanenoughworkforbothofus.
Morethanever,Iunderstoodhisneedtobebusy.WhenIwascheckingfencesandmovingcattlefromonefieldtoanother,Ididn’thavetimetothinkaboutthelifeIwasmissing.
ThemanIwasmissing.
Dadheadedbacktothebarn,butIwasn’tquitereadytobearoundtherestofmyfamily,soIrodeAthenatoourfavoritespotbythestreamandlethergrazewhileIdippedmyfeetinthewater.Thecoldripplesaroundmytiredlegswereheavenly.Istoodthere,myfacetippedtotheendlesssky,andclosedmyeyes.
Ilovedithere,butIcouldneverlivehere.Thepeacefulnessofwide-openspacesmadeforabeautifulplacetoretreatto,butthecitywaswhereIbelonged.
Afewmoredays,andI’dgoback.I’dsaidintheletterI’dleftforLucaI’dbegonefortwoweeks,butIwashopinghe’dbeopentospeakingbeforethen.
IwonderedifhemissedmethewayImissedhim.
Washethinkingaboutme,orwasherelievedIwasgone?Thepossibilityofthelatterwasapunchtothegut.
Eitherway,Ihadtofacewhatwastocome.Beingattheranchwasamuch-neededrespite,butIneededanswersmorethananything.
Thesoundofgruntingandcursingbroughtmeoutofmyreverie.Iopenedmyeyes,surprisedtoseesomeoneridinginmydirection.Well…lumberingwasamoreaptdescription.Barneydidn’tgofasterthanaturtlethesedays.
WhothehellwasridingBarney?
Anothercurse,andtheriderinallblacklistedtothesideuntilhetumbledinslowmotionallthewayoff.Barneycametoahalt,nudgingthemanwithhisnose.
Alarmed,Iscamperedoutofthestreamandhurriedovertothem.“Areyouokay?”Icalled.
Themaninblacksatup,shovinghishairoutofhisface,givingmemyfirstclearviewofhim.Myfeetstoppedmoving,andmyjawdropped.
“Thatwasn’texactlytheentranceI’dplannedonmaking.”Lucagottohisfeetandbrushedhimselfoff,thenhestartedtowardme.
“Areyouhurt?”
Thecornerofhismouthhitched.“Nothingbutmypride.”
Ihadn’tmoved.MymindwasstilltryingtoreconcilethatthemanI’djustbeenthinkingaboutwasrighthereinperson,withapinkbowinhishair,noless.HemusthaverunintoHannah.
“You’rehere.”Iwhisperedit,notreallyevenmeaningtosayitaloud,butLucaheardme.
“I’mhere.I’mbeginningtothinkLockwasfuckingwithmewiththatsaddleandthatdamnhorse,butIcan’tbemad.Hegotmehere.”Hestoppedafootawayfromme,scanningmefromheadtotoe.Iwasdirtyandalittlesweaty,withatruckerhatonmyheadandElena’sbootsonmyfeet.“Youlooklikeacowgirl.”
“Youlooklikeadream.”Isqueezedmyeyesshut,thencrackedthemopen,findinghimrightwherehewas.“Butyou’rereallyhere.Whatareyoudoinghere?”
Hisbrowsdrewtogetherinastraightline.“DidyoureallythinkI’dwaittwoweekstotalktoyou?”Heshookhishead,huffing,andspreadhisarmswide.“Youwantedspace.Youhaveit.Lookatallthespacearoundyou.Thethingis,I’mgoingtobejoiningyouinyourspace.”
“That’snothowspaceworks.”
“That’showit’sgoingtoworkforus.”Hereachedout,takingmyhandinhis.“Comesitwithmesowecantalk.”
“Itrieddoingthatwithyou,butyouweren’tinterested.”
Hisholdonmyhandtightened,andhisthumbmovedtomyringfingerlikeamagnet.
“Whereareyourrings?”Anechoofthelasttimewedidthis,buthistoneheldnoaccusationnow.
Iwiggledmyfingersinhis.“It’snotsmarttowearringswhenI’mworkingaroundtheranch.They’reinalittlepouchbesidemybed,safeandsound.”
Hiseyesweresoftonmine.“Areyougoingtoputthemonlater?”
Mybreathcaughtathisloadedquestion.“Doyouwantmeto?”
Heexhaledthroughhisnose.“Let’ssitdown.”
Tryingnottopanic,Ilethimleadmetothegrassbythestream.Wesatdownsidebyside.Luca’slonglegswerestretchedoutinfrontofhim.Mineweretuckedagainstmychest,myarmsaroundthem.
Hestrokedhisfingersalongmyponytail,thenghostedhishanddownthelengthofmyspine.
“YouneedtoknowI’msofuckingsorryforhowItreatedyou.”
Iturnedtohim,mychinonmyarms.“Okay.”
“Icouldofferexcuseslikestress,thecircumstances,butyoualreadyknowwhatwasgoingonbecauseyouwerestandingbymysidethewholeway.Asyouhavebeenfromthebeginning.”
“You’vebeenstandingwithmetoo,”Isaid.
“I’vetried,prettygirl,butIknowIletyoudownthistime.”
Ididn’tknowwhattosaytothat.Hewasn’twrong.
Lucasighed.“IthoughtIcoulddothisarrangementwithyou.ButImessedupandfellinlovewithyou,despitemyeffortstoavoidit.Wenevershouldhavedonethis.”
Oh,thathurttoobadlytoreply.Hewatchedmewithsorrowfuleyes,butIcouldn’tbringmyselftoargueortellhimhewaswrong.He’ddrivenallthewayhere,soclearly,hismindwasmadeup.
“Whenyouwalkedoutinyourpinkdressonourweddingday,Icouldbarelylookatyou.Andthenyouhadthisringforme,aringIwouldhavechosenformyselfifI’dhadtheopportunity,andacknowledgingithadfelttoobig.Thatwholedayhadfelttoofuckingbig.How’ditfeeltoyou?”
Isuckedinashakybreath.“Iaskedyouwhatyouthoughtofmydress,andyousaid,‘Isuspectyouknowexactlyhowyoulook.’Icanstillhearyousayingthat.Butthenyougavemerosesandkissedmelikeyoumeantit.”Ishrugged.“Itwasconfusing.”
“Saoirse.”Henudgedmebeneathmychin.“Icouldbarelylookatyouinthatdressbecauseyoulookedlikemywife.Iwastryingtodistancemyselffromyou,theceremony,theentireevent,butitwasimpossible.Allofitfeltrealtome.Theorchidinyourhair,ourkiss,thefuckingpicturesI’vestaredateverysingledaysince.EverytimeIpushedyouaway,itwastoprotectmyselfbecauseIhavebeenfallinginlovewithyousincewemet.AndIhavealwaysbelievedyouwhenyousaidmarriagewasn’tforyou.Irespectthat.”
Ipulledawayfromhim.“Butyoudidn’t.Youmadedemandsofmethatweren’tfair.”
“Iknow.”Hisrejectedhandcurvedaroundmyjaw,refusingtobreakcontactwithme.“I’mnotashamedtoadmitIgotscared.I’monlyashamedofhowIhandledit.Youhavebeenmyconstant,prettygirl.WithClara’sworldcrumbling,Isawhoweasyitwastoloseeverything,andIpanicked.ImadedemandsIhadnorighttomake.NowthatI’montheothersideofit,IknowIwaswrong,onehundredpercent.”
“Iknowsomethingaboutfear,”Itoldhim.
Hisjawrippledwithtension.“Iknowyoudo,andI’msorryforthat.Ineverwantyoutobeafraidofme.”
“I’mnot.”Iheldhisgaze,ensuringhewaslistening.Nomatterhowthisdayended,Ineededhimtoknowhedidn’tscareme.“Evenwhenyouwereyelling,Iknewyouwouldn’thurtme.Iunderstoodwhatwasgoingon.Ifyou’dgivenmetimetothink,totalkinsteadofgivingultimatums,thingscouldhaveworkedoutdifferently.”
Hisnodwasbeatendownandsorry.“Right.I’dgobackanddoalotdifferentlyifIcould.”
“Likenevermarryingme,”Isupplied.
Heheavedagreatbreath.“Ican’tregretgettingtobeyourhusband,Saoirse,butyes.IfIcouldchangethings,weneverwouldhavegottenmarried.”
TearssprungtomyeyesbeforeIcouldblink.“So,whatdowedonow?Howdowemoveforward?”
“IwantyoutocomebacktoDenverwithme.”Luca’swordswereshakyandlow,likehewasstrugglingtogetthemout.“OnMonday,wecanstartthedivorceprocess.”
Therewasnostoppingthechokingsobthatfellfrommylips.“Well,Iguessit’sagoodthingInevergaveupthatapartment,huh?”
“Saoirse.Youmistakeme.”Lucawasonhisknees,bothhandscuppingmyface.“You’renotgoinganywhere.I’mkeepingyouforever.”
Iclutchedhiswristsbutdidn’tpushhimaway.Thestrengthtodosohadfledlongago.“Butyouwantadivorce.”
Hisbrowsfurrowed.“Youdon’twanttobemarried.I’mgivingyouwhatyouwant,prettygirl,butthatdoesn’tmeanwe’rethrough.You’realwaysgoingtobemine.”
“Luca,”Iwhispered.MytearswereflowingfreelynowandgatheringmythoughtswasdifficultwhenIfeltlikeIwasbeingjerkedleftandright.
“Afterourweddingceremony,Itookmyringoffandnoticedtheinscription.‘Partnersincrime.’”HisthumbswipedonetearafteranotherashelookedatmelikeIwasprecious.“That’swhatweare,Saoirse.Wecommittedacrimeandgotawaywithit.Ican’thaveyougoingoffonyourown,livingyourlifewithoutme,whenyoucouldtelloursecrettoanyoneyouplease.No,I’mgoingtoneedtobebyyourside,makingsureyoukeepyourprettylittlemouthshut.You’renotleavingme.”
IthoughtI’dbeencutegettinghisringinscribedthatway.Buthe’dneversaidawordaboutit.I’dneverknownhe’devennoticedit.Yet,nowhewastellingme…
Ohgod.
Ipusheduptomykneessowewerefacetofaceandbracedmyhandsonhischest.
“Idon’tbelieveinmarriageasaninstitution.Acontractisonlyasgoodasthepromisesbehindit.”Myfingerscurled,graspinghisshirtinmyfists.“Thethingis,now,ImeanthepromisesImadetoyouonyourbalcony.Iwanttobeyourpartnerinthiscrimeuntilweseeourlastsunset.”
Withagrowl,hewrappedmyponytailaroundhisfingersandtippedmyfacetohis.“Thatsoundslikealmostlongenough.”
Ishovedathischest,buthehadatightholdofmeanddidn’tgoanywhere.NotthatIreallywantedhimto.“Ifyoueversuggestdivorceagain,I’mnotgoingtobehappy.I’myourwife,Luca.Iwon’tbedowngraded.”
Hisheadcocked.“Butyoudon’twanttobemarried.”
“Ididn’twanttobeforcedintoananswerwheneverythingwasupintheair.I’vehaddaystothinkabouteverythingnowandElenatoexplaintomehowstupidIwasbeing.”
“ThankgodforElena,”heuttered.Itriedtoshovehimagain,buthecaughtmyhandandbroughtittohislips.“Iloveyoudeeply,SaoirseRossi.I’lltakeyouanywayIcanhaveyou,butI’dreallyfuckingprefertokeepyouasmywifeforevermore.Notimelimits.Noarrangements.Justyouandme,makingpromisesandkeepingthem.Choosingeachotheragainandagain.”
“Iloveyoutoo,Luca.AndIchooseyou.”Ireachedup,slidthebowfromhishair,andshowedittohim.
Withagrunt,hesnaggeditandtosseditbehindhim,thenpulledmeflushtohischest.“Ican’tbelieveIjustdeclaredmyundyinglovetoyouwithapinkbowinmyhair.”
Igrinnedevenasheloweredhismouthtomine.“Thatmademeforgiveyoubeforeyouevensaidaword.”
“I’llthankHannahlater.”
Ilaughedintohiskiss,whichcurledmytoesanddriedupthelastofmytears.Heheldmegently,kissingmethoroughly,forallthedayswe’dmissedeachother.Itwentonandonwhilethestreamtrickledbyandmyheartbeatmoresurelythaniteverhad.
Oncehe’dkissedmebreathless,hedrewback,hiseyesslidingbackandforthbetweenmine.
“Youhaven’tsaidyes.”
Iraisedabrow.“Whatwasthequestionagain?”
“Tostayingmarriedwithoutcontractsorenddates.Justyouandme,partnersincrimeandourcrazy,wonderfullife.Whatdoyouthink,prettygirl—areyouin?”
Ibitdownonmybottomlipandletmygazedriftoverhim.TherewereveryfewyesesIregretted.Ialwaysfoundsomethingofvalueinmyexperiences.ButthedayIsaidyestoLucaRossiforthefirsttimestoodapartfromalltherest.Overthepastfewmonths,I’dgottenmorefromthatyesthananyother
Lucahadgivenmepassion.Art.Beauty.Family.Oh,hadhegivenmefamily.IalreadyknewtheRossiswouldalwaysbemyfavoritepeople.
ThroughLuca,I’dfoundstability.Freedomtopursuemypassions.UnderstandingandsupportwhenIneededthem,andapushwhenIneededthatmore.
WithLuca’sarmsaroundmeandhisbodyalignedwithmine,I’ddiscoveredalevelofpleasureI’dneverknownexisted.
AtLuca’sside,we’dadoptedacat.Thecatofmydreams.MyClementine.
InLuca,I’dfoundafriendunlikeanyI’deverhad.Hemademelaughandthink.Hisadventurousspiritmatchedmyown.Histenderheartmadehimsoveryeasytolove.
Thecrazythingwas,wewereonlyjustbeginning.Thisyeshadalreadygivenmesomuch,yettherewassomuchmoretocome.
Inoddedfirst,thenIsaidtheword.“Yes.”
Hiseyesflared.“Yes?You’rein?”
Itookhisfaceinmyhandsandrubbedmynosealonghis.“I’msoveryin.”
ItwastheeasiestyesI’deversaidEpilogue
LucaOneYearLater
“You’vemadegoodchoices.”
Saoirsestoppedmidstride,raisingaquestioningbrow.“Iliketothinkso,butIsenseyou’recommentingonsomethingspecific.”
Ipattedthearmofherdeskchair.“Iwillbereplacingmychairwiththismodelassoonaspossible.”
ShesaunteredovertowhereIsatbehindhernewdesk,puttinganextraswinginherhips.“Oh,youlikemychair,doyou?”
“Mmhmm.”Assoonasshewaswithinarm’sreach,Igrabbedherandpulledherintomylap.Shecircledherarmsaroundmyneckandcrossedonelegovertheother.“Ilikeyourchairevenbetternow.”
“YouknowIhaveamillionthingstodobeforeeveryonearrives.”
Irubbedmypalmalongherthighandplacedasoftkisstothecurveofherneck.“I’llletyougetbacktorunningaroundcheckingonthingsyou’vealreadycheckedahundredtimesafteryousitwithmeaminute.”
Sherelaxedagainstme,lettingoutasigh.“You’reexaggerating.”
“Okay.”Itouchedherthroatwithmylipsagain.“You’vecheckedthingsfiftytimes.”
“Maybe.Ijustwanteverythingtolookperfect.”
“Itdoes,prettygirl.YouandMilesaregoingtobloweveryoneaway.”
PeakStrategieswasalittleoverayearold.Inthattime,MilesandSaoirsehadsteadilygrowntheirbusiness,gainingclientsandareputationinandoutsideofDenver.Upuntilthispoint,they’dbeenmainlyworkingfromourcondoandrentingconferenceroomsinsharedofficespacewhentheyneededit.
They’dfinallyagreedtheyneededmoreroomandtheirownofficialoffice.IusedmyconnectionstosecurethemaspaceinthebuildingbesideRossi’s.Itwasformyownselfishpurposes—workingincloseproximitymadelunchbreaksattheDavenportpossible.
MywifeandInowfuckedwheneverandwhereverthemoodstruck,butapartofmemissedoursecrettrysts.AlthoughI’dsettledintomyCEOrole,knowingIgottosinkinsidemywifeinthemiddleofthedaymademyjobmuchmoreenjoyable.IhadplansforustoreliveourearlydaysasoftenaspossiblenowthatI’dhavehernearby.
ButIwasgettingaheadofmyself.Tonightwasn’taboutbusinessorevenaboutme.SaoirseandMileswerethrowingapartytocelebrateandshowofftheirnewdigs.Withinthehour,clientsandfriendswouldbearriving,andmywifewasaflutteringbundleofnerves.
“Ishouldn’thaveinvitedmymother.”Saoirsewrungherhands.“Thatwasamistake.”
Itookherhandsinmine,kissingherfingertipsoneatatime.“She’llbefine.LilySmythe-Kellywouldnevermakeasceneinpublic,andI’llensureshedoesn’thavethechancetomakeoneinprivate.”
UnderstandingLilywasn’tsomethingonmyagenda.Ididn’tcarewhyshewasthewayshewas.Allthatmatteredwashowshetreatedmywife.ThefirsttimeIwalkedinonSaoirseattemptingtodefendherselfagainsthermother’scriticism,Icalmlytookthephonefromher,toldLilySaoirsewouldn’tbespeakingtoheragainuntilshewasreadytoapologizeandbecivil,andhungup.Neitherwomanhadbeenangry.Saoirsehadthankedmefordefendingher,andLilyhadapologizedthenextday.
Sincethen,she’dgottenbetter.Notperfect.Farfromit.Butbetter.
“Mybodyguard.”Saoirsesnuggledintomewithasigh.“Atleastshe’sleavingPeterathome.”
Saoirsehadmostlycometotermswiththefactthatshewouldneverbeclosetohermother.Luckily,mymomhadtakenherunderherwing,treatingherlikeaseconddaughter.WhichworkedwellsinceClarathoughtofSaoirseashersister.
LikeIknewshewould,SaoirsehadsupportedClarainallwaysoverthelastyear.Timeshadbeenrough,andsomedaysstillwere,butClarawasdivorcedfromMiller,whowasservinghistimeinfederalprison.OurauditorshaduncoveredthatMillerhadembezzledoveramilliondollarsfromRossi,sohissentencewasevensteeperwiththosechargesadded.
Nelliewasthrivingwithoutthatdickinherlife.ShelookedlikealittlecloneofClara,soweallpretendedMillerhadhadnothingtodowithherorigins.
Myniecewasalsoobsessedwithheraunt.Shehadmanagedtobabbleanadorableformof“Sershie”whileshehadn’tcomeclosetoformingmyname.Theguywho’dheldherwhenshe’dbeenallgooeyandbrandnew.
NotthatIwasupsetbythatoranything.
Mostdays,Iwasprettycertainallmyfamilylikedmywifemorethanme,andIdidn’tblamethemforit.Afterall,Ilikedhermorethananyoneelsetoo.
“Tellmewhatelseyou’reworriedabout,andI’llreassureyou.”
Shetalked,andIlistened,whichintheend,waswhatshe’dneeded.
MilesstrolledintoSaoirse’soffice,tuggingathistiewithadeepfrownonhisface.“Ilooklikeanidiot.”
Saoirselaughed.“Youlookdapper.”
Milescockedhishead,lookingatme.Inodded.“Iagree.Thesuitworks.Gladyoufinallyhitupmytailor.”
Hisspinestraightened,andhetwistedsidetosidetoshowoffhislight-graytrousersandjacket,whichhadbeencustommadeforhim.“Thesuitistheabsoluteshit.Iloveit.Imaysleepinit.It’sthetieIcan’tgetonboardwith.Sershmademewearit,butIfeellikeI’mwearinganoose.Somepeoplearen’tmeantforsuchformality.”Hepointedtohimself.“Hi.I’msomepeople.”
“IthinkyouhavetolistentoSaoirse.Sheknowswhatshe’stalkingabout.”
Milesdroppedhishandsfromhistieandtuckedtheminhispockets,sighingindefeat.“Fine.I’lldoitforthe’gram.Butdon’texpectmetowearatietoworkjustbecausewehaveafancyoffice.It’snothappening.”
Saoirselaughed.“I’malwaysrelievedwhenyouwearactualpantstowork.”
Milesrockedbackonhisheels.“Jesus,willyouletthatdrop?Iworeshortsonetime—”
“Toameetingwithaprospectiveclient,”sheadded.
Hiseyesnarrowed.“Wedon’tknowthatmyshortswerethereasontheydidn’tsignwithus.”
“I’msuretheydidn’thelp.Youjusthadtoshowoffyourcalves.”
Inuzzledmynoseintoherhair.“Tobefair,Milesdoeshaveexceptionallynicecalves.”
Saoirseslappedmyshoulder.“Don’tencouragehim.”
Milesfingergunnedme.“Thanks,man.Alwaysknewyouwerearealone.Now,I’llleaveyoutwoinpeacetochristentheofficeorwhateveryouweredoingbeforeIwalkedinhere.”
Saoirsegroanedathisretreatingback.“IfIdidn’tlovehim,I’dkillhim,”shemuttered.
“IfIdidn’tloveyou,I’dkillhimforbeinglovedbyyou,”Isaid.
Istoleanotherkiss,thenshewasoffagain,expellinghernervousenergybypacingandspeakingwiththecaterers.Itwasn’toftenthatSaoirsegotnervous,butthiswasimportanttoher.
She’dbeenlikethisbeforeourvowrenewaltoo.Mymotherhadgottenherwish.Saoirsehadletherhelpplanacelebrationforourone-yearanniversary.Ithadbeenalotmorelow-keythansheprobablywouldhaveliked,butweallendeduphappy.
Connellgothisfirstdancewithhisdaughter.
ElenahelpedmymotherplaneverythingwithbabyPhoebeonherhip.
Hannahsprinkledflowers,andCalebpassedoutprograms.AndwhileCalebwasn’tfullyonboardwithme,he’dbeencallingmesmalllessandlessthesedays,soItookthatasasignIwaswinninghimover.Hehadevenloweredhimselftohavingasleepoveratourcondotwiceinthelastyear.Ifiguredoneortwomoretimes,andhe’dbeputtyinmyhands.
IpickeduptheframefromSaoirse’sdesk.Thereweretwophotossidebyside.Onefromourweddingwherewewerelaughingwitheachother.ThesecondwasatourvowrenewalinWyoming.Saoirsehadwornherpinkdresswithaflowertuckedbehindherear.Shetookmybreathaway,always,butthatdresshaddoneafuckingnumberonme.I’dalreadyaskedhertowearitformeeveryyear.Sinceshewasagoodgirl,sheveryeasilysaid“yes.”She’ddefinitelygetsomethingoutoftheexperience.Multiplesomethings.
IranmyfingeroverthepictureofusinWyoming.We’dsaidourvowsinarusticchapelontheranchinfrontoffiftyfriendsandfamily,sunstreamingthroughthestained-glasswindows,giddysmilesonourfaces.
Ithadn’tbeenado-over.Wehadn’tneededoneofthose.Thefirsttimehadbeenperfectbecauseitwaswhathadmadeusus
Standinginfrontofeveryoneattherenewalhadonlyreaffirmedwhatwehadalreadyworkedoutforourselves:wechoseeachother,andwewouldkeepchoosingeachotheruntilourlastsunset.
ReadLockandElena’sstoryinSweetLikePoison:
https://mybook.to/SweetLikePoisonDearGrumpyBoss
SaoirseandLuca’sfriends,EliseandWeston,havetheirownhappilyeverafterinDearGrumpyBoss.
https://mybook.to/DearGrumpyBoss
I’vespentthebetterpartofthelastfewyearssuccessfullyavoidingmybrother’sbestfriend,WestonAldrich.AsCEOofAndesInc,theinfuriatinglyhandsomeandincessantlygrumpyWestonalsohappenstobemynewboss.Itshouldn’thavebeenhardtocontinueavoidinghim.Afterall,he’sontheexecutivefloorandI’moneofmanycopywriters.Westonhashisownideasabouthowthingsshouldgobetweenus.He’sinmyemails,leavingnotesonmydesk,andasifthat’snotenough,hearrangesformetoaccompanyhimonabusinesstrip.Thatleadstostolentouches,frenziedkisses,andtheundeniableneedtoworkeachotheroutofoursystems.Thatalwaysworks,right?ExceptnowthatIknowwhatitfeelsliketohaveWestonAldrichappreciateeveryinchofmyabundantcurves,avoidinghimisimpossible.Buthe’smybrother’sbestfriend.Andaworkaholic.Wehavetostop.Andwewill.Soon.Just…notyet.Playlist
“InAgreement”LizzyMcAlpine
“LietoMe”5SecondsofSummer
“HardFeelings/Loveless”Lorde
“TooClose”MelanieMartinez
“Teeth”5SecondsofSummer
“Bulletproof”MelanieMartinez
“TheShow”MelanieMartinez
“Breezeblocks”alt-J
“ToBeAloneWithYou”SufjanStevens
“Tribulation”MattMaeson
“TheNightWeMet”LordHuron
“IComeApart”A$APRocky,FlorenceWelch
“BITE”TroySivan
“WouldThatI”Hozier
“Thesame”mehro
“FromtheDiningTable”HarryStyles
“GlueMyselfShut”NoahKahan
“VideoGames”LanaDelRay
“FuckItILoveYou”LanaDelRay
“EverybodyWantsToLoveYou”JapaneseBreakfast
“YoursToKeep”JordanMackampa
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0Q8Mzjc3Gwrd7JjG1PK9bR?si=f43d043e15b14053StayInTouch
Comefindmeinmyreadergroup!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/JuliaWolfReaders
Thankyouto…
ThisbookhasbeenonmymindsinceIfirstwroteSaoirse’scharacterinherbigbrother’sbook,SweetLikePoison.LockandElenabecomebelovedcharacterstobothmeandmyreaders,soIknewIcouldn’tquitthemandtheirfamily.TheHarderTheyFallseriesexistsbecauseofSaoirse.IbuiltthisseriesaroundhersoIcouldtellherstory.
IhopeIdidjusticetoherandherfamily.I’mprettysatisfiedwithallthehappilyeveraftersIcreated.
IhavetothankmyhusbandforhelpingmecomeupwithMiller’scrime.Iwasgoingtowritesomethingboringlikeembezzlement,whenmyhusbandmentionedastoryhe’dseenon“60Minutes”.Mymindstartedwhirring,Ididalittleresearch,andboom,Miller’sstorylinewasborn.
Ihavetothankmygirl,KateFarlow,forcreatingmycoversandbeingpatientwithmewhenI’mindecisiveandnotburstingwithenthusiasm.Ipromise,ILOVEit.Ijustshowitquietly!
ThankyoutoAlley,Laura,andCoraLeeforlettingmepopintoourchatwithrandomthoughtsandworriesandalwaysreplying.Iloveourrandomness.
ThankyoutotheBooktokers/BookstagrammerswhosharedthehelloutofDearGrumpyBoss.YouguysreallymadeitsoarinwaysIcouldn’thavecomeclosetodoingonmyown.
ThankyoutoKristieforyourunwaveringsupportandtheTikTokyoumadewhichpushedDGBintothetop40.Ican’ttellyouhowmuchIloveeverythingaboutyou!
Asalways,thankyoutomyreaders.Youarethebestofthebest.Ineverfeelpressureorgetmeanemailsorcommentsfromyouguys.HowdidIgetsolucky?IDK,butIloveyoutothemoonandback!AboutJulia
JuliaWolfisabestsellingcontemporaryromanceauthor.Shewritesbadboyswithbigheartsandstrong,independentheroines.Juliaenjoysreadingromancejustasmuchassheloveswritingit.Whetherreadingorwriting,shelikestheemotionstorunhighandtheheattobescorching.
JulialivesinMarylandwithherthreecrazy,beautifulkidsandherpatienthusbandwhoshe’sslowlyconvertingtoaromancereader,onebookatatime.
© Copyright Notice
The copyright of the article belongs to the author. Please do not reprint without permission.
THE END
No comments yet