GARNETFLATS
Copyright?2022byDevneyPerryLLC
Allrightsreserved.
ISBN:978-1-950692-98-9
Nopartofthisbookmaybereproduced,distributedortransmittedinanyformorbyanymeans,includingphotocopying,recordingorotherelectronicormechanicalmethods,withoutthepriorwrittenpermissionoftheauthorexceptinthecaseofbriefquotationsinabookreview.
Thisisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,placesandincidentsaretheproductoftheauthor’simaginationorareusedfictitiously.Anyresemblancetoactualevents,localesorpersons,livingordead,iscoincidental.
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JudyZweifel,Judy’sProofreading
Cover:
SarahHansen?OkayCreationsOTHERTITLESJamisonValleySeries
TheCoppersmithFarmhouse
TheCloverChapel
TheLuckyHeart
TheOutpost
TheBitterrootInn
TheCandlePalaceMaysenJarSeries
TheBirthdayList
LetterstoMollyLarkCoveSeries
Tattered
Timid
Tragic
TinselCliftonForgeSeries
SteelKing
RivenKnight
StonePrincess
NoblePrince
FallenJester
TinQueenRunawaySeries
RunawayRoad
WildHighway
QuarterMiles
ForsakenTrail
DottedLinesTheEdensSeries
ChristmasinQuincy–Prequel
IndigoRidge
JuniperHill
GarnetFlats
JasperValeCONTENTS
ROUND1
Chapter1
Chapter2
ROUND2
Chapter3
Chapter4
Chapter5
Chapter6
ROUND3
Chapter7
Chapter8
Chapter9
Chapter10
Chapter11
Chapter12
Chapter13
ROUND4
Chapter14
Chapter15
Chapter16
Chapter17
Chapter18
Chapter19
Chapter20
Chapter21
Chapter22
Chapter23
Chapter24
ROUND5
Chapter25
Chapter26
Chapter27
Epilogue
JasperVale
Acknowledgments
AbouttheAuthorROUND1
CHAPTERONETALIA
“Thirteen.”ThedryerasemarkersqueakedasIaddedatallymarktotheinsideofmylocker’smetaldoor.
Thirteen.“Anewrecord.”
Thirteendayswithoutapatientyellingatme.ThirteendayswithoutanyonerequestingDr.Anderson,Dr.HerreraorDr.Murphyinmyplace.ThirteendayswithoutRachel,thechargenurseatQuincyMemorial,lecturingmefor,well…anything.
Thirteengooddays.
WhatwerethechancesthisstreakwouldlastthroughChristmasnextweek?IfImadeittotwenty-twodaysinarow,thatwouldmeanI’dgoneanentireworkmonthwithoutmyintelligence,myeducationormyskillsbeingcalledintoquestion.
Thedoortothestafflockerroomopened,andRachelstoodinthethreshold.Oh,God.Don’truinmystreak.
“Hi,Rachel.”Iforcedasmile.“Howwasyourday?”
“Fine.”Hervoicewasflat.Shewasinherlatefortiesandmighthavebeenprettyifshe’drelaxed.Orifshe’dletherhairdown.ButinthethreeyearsI’dworkedwithRachel,I’donlyeverseenherblondhair,streakedwithgrayatthetemples,pulledintoaseverebun.
Wasitshort?Long?Noclue.EventhefewtimesI’dbumpedintoheroutsideofwork,Rachel’shairhadlookedthesame.Wasthatwhyshewassosour?Wasthatbungivingheraheadache?Herfrownwasaseverpresentasherhairstyle.Didsheeversmile?
“I’vegotaproblemwithachart,Talia.”
“Okay,”Idrawled.
Therewasnoproblemwithachart.I’dspentthreeyearsgettinglecturedbythiswomanonexactlywhatboxestocheck,howshewantedthedoctorstoinputnotesandwherehernurseslookedforpatientdetails.
Dr.Anderson,Dr.MurphyandDr.Herreraeachhadtheirownchartingpreferences.Theyputtheirnoteswherevertheypleased.HadRacheleverlecturedthemontheircharting?No.Shealsodidn’tcallthembytheirfirstnames.IwasthelesserdoctoronstaffandRachelalwaysfoundawaytoremindmethatIwasjustaresident.
IwasjustTalia.
Iwasjustthegirlwho’dgrownupinthissmallMontanatownandwho’dloveditenoughtomovehomeaftermedicalschool.I’dcomehometogivebacktomycommunityand,maybesomeday,earntherespectthatDr.AndersonhadgarneredinhisdecadesasQuincy’sfavoritedoctor.
Notonlywashemyboss,hewasalsothemanwho’ddeliveredmyfivesiblingsandmeintothisworld.Hewasastapleinourtown.DidRachelrazzhimaboutmeticulouscharting?Doubtful.
“Shouldwetakealook?”Ireturnedmymarkertothelocker’sshelf,thencloseditup,followingRacheltothenearestnurses’station.
Shetookaseat,clickingwithfurythroughthehospital’srecordsasIhoveredoverhershoulder.Whenshehadthechartpulledup,sheshiftedsoIcouldreadthescreen.
ItwasMemphis’schart.Mysister-in-lawhadcomeinforaroutinepregnancycheckupthisafternoon.Iscannedtheinformationforanythingoutofplace.Medicationsprescribed?None.Labsordered?Justthestandardurineanalysis.Baby’sheartrate?Normal.ThenursehadenteredinMemphis’svitals.
“What’stheproblem?”IaskedRachel.
“Yournotes.”
“Whataboutthenotes?”I’daddedafewquicksentencesstatingthatMemphiswasfeelingfineandthatherweightandbloodpressurewereinthenormalrange.
“Ican’treadthosenotesandknowwhatconcernswerediscussedwiththepatient.”
“Youcanreadthosenotesandseethatthepatienthadnoconcernstodiscuss.”Ikeptmysmilefirmlyinplace,butdamn,thiswomanlovedtopokeatme.She’dbeenpokingforthreeyearsanditwasgrowingold.
Thisentireencounterwasawasteofmytime.Andshe’djustbrokenmythirteen-daystreak.
Whywasitalwaysher?WasithorriblethatIwishedshe’dretireearly?Hernursingstaffwaswonderful.Theywereajoytoworkwith,andIwouldbetmyannualsalarythatnotasingleoneofthemwouldhavefeltmisinformedbythebriefsummarynotesinMemphis’schart.
ButnothingIdidseemedtobeenoughforRachel.SheviewedthishospitalashersandIwasthetoo-young,too-inexperienceddoctorroamingherhallways,intrudingonherturf.
“Anythingelse?”Iasked.“I’vegotdinnerplans.”
MemphishadbeenmylastpatientforthedayandKnoxhadtaggedalong.Mybrothernevermissedathingwhenitcametohiswifeandkids.Afterthecheckup,they’dinvitedmetodinner,andIrarelyturneddownKnox’scooking.Heownedthebestrestaurantintown,andthoughmealsatKnuckleswerealwaysoutstanding,therealmagiccamealivewhenhewascookingathomeforthosehelovedmost.
Lunchtodayhadbeenastalegranolabarandaproteinshake.Mystomachhadbeengrowlingforanhour.Asifoncue,itrumbled.
Rachel’seyesdroppedtomywaistasherlipcurled.
Thiswasatest,right?MaybeRachelwassimplyputtingmethroughsomesortofresidentphysicianhazing.MaybeshewantedtomakesureIhadthebackbonetobeoneofQuincy’sdoctors.Whyelsewouldshebesonasty?WhatthehellhadIdonetomakeherdislikemesomuch?
Nothing.Theanswerwasnothing.Sothishadtobeatest.
Well,hazingritualornot,Rachelwouldneedtocomeatmewithmorethannitpickingandfrowns.MydreamwastoworkatQuincyMemorial.Thiswasjustasmuchmyhospitalasitwashers.MyfamilyhadfoundedQuincy,andgenerationsago,theEdenshaddonatedmoneytohelpbuildthishospitalinthefirstplace.
“Haveagreatnight,Rachel.”Mytoneheldmoresugarthanakid’sHalloweenbag.Withaquickfingerwave,Iwalkedawayfromthedeskandretreatedtothelockerroom.
Itwasempty,soIletoutagroanasIspunthecombinationonmylockandrippedthedooropen.ThenIgrabbedthemicrofiberclothIkeptontheshelfanderasedmytallymarks.
Zero.“Gah.”
HopefullyRachelwouldbackoffaftermyresidencywasover.WasthatwhatIneededbeforeshe’dtreatmeliketheotherdoctors?Afull-fledgedmedicallicense?
Iwasclose.Iwassoclose.I’dbeenluckyaftermedicalschool.Manysmall-townhospitalsweren’taccreditedtotakeonresidents,butDr.Andersonhadjumpedthroughthehoopsyearsagosothathecouldhavearesidentonoccasion.Dr.Murphyhadbeenthefirst.ThenI’dappliedandDr.Andersonhadtakenmeunderhiswing.
Wehadn’ttalkedaboutthetimingofmetakingmylicensureexam,butIassumeditwouldhappenthisspring.Andafteranotherfewyears,Ihopedtoearnmyboardcertificationinfamilymedicinetoo,justlikeDr.Anderson.
IfIearnedacertification,wouldthatstoppatientsfromgivingmetheside-eyewhenIwalkedintoanexamroom?Itdidn’thappenallthetime.Ithappenedlessthanithadayearago.Butitstillhappened.Istilloverheardthewhisperedquestions.
Issheoldenoughtobeadoctor?Areyousuresheknowswhatshe’sdoing?Isn’toneoftheotherdoctorsavailabletoday?
MostofthepushbackIgotwasfrommen,especiallyoldermen.Evenattwenty-nineyearsold,IwasstillviewedbysomeofQuincy’sgoodol’boysasHarrisonEden’sgirl
Iwasagooddoctor,right?Dr.AndersonwouldhavetoldmeifI’dbeendoingabadjob.Hewouldn’tletmetreatpeopleifhethoughtI’ddothemharm.
MyinsecuritiesalwaysflaredupafteraconfrontationwithRachel.
Ipinchedthebridgeofmynoseandsilentlycounted.One.Two.Three.Four.Five.Pitypartyover.Withmyblackpuffercoatovermybaby-bluescrubtop,Islungmypurseoverashoulderandheadedforthedoor.
WhatIneededwasanicefamilydinner.KnoxandMemphiswerewaitingformeinthelobby,andawarmmealattheirplaceplusanhourofqualitytimewithmynephewDrakewouldsurelyliftmymood.
Insteadoftakingthehallwaythatledtotheemployeeexit,Ipushedopenthedoorintothelobby.Thereceptiondeskwasempty.Jenny,thenursewhoworkedweekdays,hadprobablyleftrightatfive.Thisentrancewasforscheduledappointmentsandtheoccasionalwalk-in.Thedoorsherewouldbelockedsoon,andifapatientcameinafterhours,they’dhavetogototheemergencyroomforhelp.
KnoxandMemphiswerestandingtogetherinthecenterofthelobby,talkingtoamanwhosebackwastome.
ThemanwasthesametallheightasKnox.Hehadbroadshouldersandanarrowwaist.Evenahoodiecouldn’thidehismuscledframe.Anddamn,hisasswasworthasecondlook.Thereweren’tmanyguysinQuincywiththatsortofphysique,atleastnonewhoweren’trelatedtome.Whowasthatguy?
“I’mlookingforadoctorwhoworkshere,”themansaid.“TaliaEden.”
Ifroze.No.No,thiswasn’thappening.Itcouldn’tbehim.ExceptI’drecognizethatvoiceanywhere.EvenifIhadn’thearditinsevenyears.
AjoltofpanicracedthroughmybodyandIflewtowardthereceptiondesk,practicallyleapingbehindthecounter.Mykneescrackedagainstthehard,glossyfloor,andIwinced,grittingmyteethsoIwouldn’tmakeasound.
Damnit.Whatwashedoinghere?Whywashelookingforme?
“YoumighttrytheER,”Memphissaid.I’dhugherforitlaterbecauseIwassureshe’dseenmefromherperipherywhenI’dwalkedintothelobby.“Maybetheycantrackherdownforyou.Justheadoutthedoorsanddownthesidewalktotheothersideofthebuilding.Youcan’tmissit.”
Iinchedclosertothecounter,carefulnottobrushthechairandmakeanoise.
“Appreciateit.”Footsteps,thentheswishofthedoubledoorsastheyopenedandclosed.
Phew.IblewoutthebreathI’dbeenholding,butmyheartstayedstuckinmythroat.
“Coast’sclear,”Knoxcalled.
Iinchedup,myeyesbarelyoverthecounter’sledge.“Ishegone?”
“Yeah.”Knoxnodded.“Wanttotellmewhyyou’rehidingfromFosterMadden?”
“Nope.”Definitelynot.Ididn’ttalkaboutFosterMaddenforareason.
Istoodandtiptoedaroundthedesk,myeyesgluedtothewindowsincaseFostermadeareturnappearance.ButtheonlythingIsawonthesidewalkswassnow.“Ishouldgo.”
“Whataboutdinner?”Memphisasked.
“Raincheck.”
Beforetheycouldstopme,Ibolted.Sprintinghadneverbeenmyforte,slowandsteadydistanceracesweremoremyspeed,buttherewasnowayI’driskbumpingintoFoster.SoItoreoutofthelobby,andafteronequickcheckdownthesidewalktomakesurehewasgone,Ihoofedittomycar.
MyhandsgrippedthesteeringwheelwithsomuchforcethatmyknuckleswerewhitebeforeI’devenpulledoutofthedarkenedparkinglot.IcheckedmyrearviewmirrornolessthantwohundredtimesasIdrovethroughtown,searchingforheadlightsthatmightbefollowingmehome.Itwasn’tuntilIwasinsidethehouse,saggingagainstthekitchencounterwithaglassofwine,thatIletmyselfbreathe.
Whatwashedoinghere?HislifewasinLasVegas,exactlywhereI’dlefthim.Exactlywherehe’dstayedafterbreakingmyheart.Whywashelookingformenow?Why,afterallthistime,hadhecometoMontana?
Mystomachplummeted.Ididn’twanttoseehim.Ididn’twanttohearthatvoiceorlookintohisstormyblueeyes.SevenyearsandIstillwasn’treadytofacehimagain.IfImanagedtoavoidhimlongenough,wouldheleave?
“No,”Imuttered.UnlessFosterhadundergoneanentirepersonalitychange,hewouldeventuallytrackmedown.HisnicknamewastheIronFistforareason.Hewastenaciousandpersistent.Unshakeable.
ButatleastI’davoidedhimtonight.Hehadn’tbeenabletotakemebysurprise.Igulpedfrommywineglass,thentookitwithmeupstairstomybedroom,whereIstrippedoutofmyscrubsandtookashowertorinseofftheday.
MydarkhairwaswetandtwistedintoaknotwhenIreturnedtothekitchen.MyscrubshadbeentradedforleggingsandarattyUniversityofWashingtonsweatshirtwhenIopenedthefridgeandpulledoutacartonofeggs.Itwasn’taKnoxEdenmeal,butfortonight,anomeletwouldhavetosuffice.IfI’dgonetodinner,MemphisandKnoxwouldhavepepperedmewithquestions.
QuestionsIwasn’tpreparedtoanswer.
DadknewaboutFoster,butonlybecausehe’dbeenthereintheaftermath.He’dflowntoLasVegastohelpmemoveandseenmeatmylowest.MomknewbecauseDaddidn’tkeepsecretsfromher,buttheoneandonlytimeshe’dbroughtuphisname,I’dbeggedhernevertospeakitagain.
Thathadbeenduringtherawdays.Mywoundshadhealed,mostly,butthatdidn’tmeanIwasreadytorelivethepain.Itwastoohard.Toohumiliating.
Whywashehere?Afterallthistime,hadn’theforgottenaboutme?
Theeggsdidn’tsitwellinmyknottedstomachbutIforcedmyselftoeat.ItwouldbethesamemealI’dhaveforbreakfast,sansthewine.Iwasjustrinsingmyplatewhenthedoorbellrang.
Thedishbrushslippedfrommyhand,clatteringintothesink.
Itwashim.Icouldn’tseethedoor,butsomehow,IknewitwasFoster.Thedoorbellrangagain,followedbyaknock.
Whyhadn’tIdriedmyhair?Whyhadn’tIdressedinanythingelse?Scrubswouldhavebeenbetterthanfacinghimwithabarefaceandbarefeet.Therewasaholeinthekneeoftheseleggingsandthisshirtwouldhavefitmybrothersloosely.
IfIdidn’tanswerthedoor,wouldheleave?Orwouldhestayhereallnight,knowingIwashidinginside?IfIignoredhimtonight,wouldhecometothehospitalagain?ThelastplaceIwantedtotalkwithFosterwasatmywork.
SoIliftedmyglass,drainingtherestofmywineforliquidcourage.ThemomentIswallowedthelastdrop,Isquaredmyshouldersandwalkedthroughthehouse.
Thesoonerthiswasdealtwith,thebetter.I’dfindoutwhyhewashere,thensendhimonhisway.Withanyluck,FosterwouldbegonefromQuincybymorning.
Myheartbeatsohardithurt.Everypulseresoundedthroughmylimbs.IsuckedinabreathandhelditasIinchedthroughtheentryway,myfootstepssilent.WhenIreachedthedoor,Istoodonmytoesandpressedaneyetothepeephole
Fosterstoodinprofile,hisgazecastacrossthecoveredporch.He’dgrownabeard.Itwasanicebeard.Shorttrimmed,soyoucouldstillmakeoutthesharpcornersofhisjaw.ButmyFosterhadn’thadabeard,juststubbleonthedayswhenhehadn’tshaved.
Astabofpainpiercedmyheart.Thiswasn’tmyFoster.TherewasnoversionofFosterthatbelongedtome.Notanymore.
Heraisedafingerandpushedthedoorbellagain.Thenheranahandthroughhischocolate-brownhair,somethinghe’dobviouslybeendoingalottonightbecausetheendswerestickingupatoddangles.
Idroppedtomyheelsandwaitedthroughanotherthreeagonizingheartbeats,thenIflippedthedeadboltandopenedthedoortoFosterMadden.
ThemanI’ddatedforoneyear,twomonthsandelevendays.
ThemanI’dlovedwithmywholeheart.
ThemanI’dvowedtoforget.
Theviewfromthepeepholehadn’tdonehimjustice.HewaseverybitashandsomeasIremembered.Maybeevenmorenowthathe’dgrownthatdamnbeard.
Agehadonlyenhancedhisruggedfeatures.Hewasbiggerthanhe’dbeen,yearsspenthoninghisbodyintotheperfectfightingmachine.Hisblackhoodiestretchedacrosshisbroadchest,moldingtohisshoulders.Hisjeanshungonhisnarrowhipsandpooledatthehemaboveapairofmotorcycleboots.
HowmanytimeshadItracedthebumpinthemiddleofhisnosewithmyfingertip?HowmanynightshadIdrownedinthosedeep,ocean-blueeyes?HowmanykisseshadIgiventhesoftpoutofhislips?
“Talia.”
God,thatvoice.Raspyanddeep.MynamehadneversoundedasgoodasitdidoutofFoster’smouth.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”
Hestudiedmyface.“You’renotsurprisedtoseeme.”
“No.”Icrossedmyarmsovermychestasthechillfromoutsideseepedthroughmyclothes.“Isawyouatthehospital.”
Hisjawclenched.“Yousawme.”
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Irepeated.“AndhowdidyouknowwhereIlived?”
Notthatitwouldbehardtofigureout.Quincyhadn’tentirelytransitionedintothemodernage,andthelocalnewspaperstillprintedanannualphonebookalongwithputtingtheinformationonline.
“It’sbeenalongtime,”hesaid.“Howareyou?”
It’sbeenalongtime.Howareyou?“Smalltalk?Really?Doesyourwifeknowyou’rehere?”
Heliftedhislefthand,wigglinghisnakedringfinger.“I’mnotmarried.”
Whenhadhegottendivorced?Thiswastheproblemwhenyouvowedtoforgetsomeone.Itmeantthatinthepastsevenyears,Ihadn’tonceletmyselfsearchforFoster.
Ihadn’tpeekedathissocialmediaaccountsortypedhisnameintoGoogle.Ihadn’twatchedanyofhispay-per-viewfights,andifhisnamecameuponESPN,I’deithershutoffthetelevisionorwalkoutoftheroom.MybrotherslikedtorentUFCfights.I’dliedmorethanonceaboutbeingoncalltoavoidoneoftheirparties.
“Whyareyouhere?”Thegrowlinmyvoicesurprisedusboth.
Paincloudedhisbeautifuleyes.Histhroatbobbedasheswallowed,thendroppedhischin.
Whathadheexpected?Metoopenmyarmsandwelcomehimbackintomylife?
Thehurtinhiseyesvanishedjustasquicklyasithadappeared.Andallthatremainedwassheerdetermination.Thefocusedstare.Thesteeledspine.Theflexedjaw.ItwasthelookFosterworeintheboxingring,usuallybeforehewon.
Heshovedahandintothepocketofhisjeans,pullingoutasinglesilverkey.“Here.”
Itookitfromhimashehelditout,carefulnottoletourfingersbrush.Hewasn’tminetotouch.Notanymore.“What’sthis?”
“Mybuilding.”
“Yourbuilding.”Inarrowedmyeyes.He’dbetterbetalkingaboutabuildinginNevada.
Foster’shanddoveintohisjeansagain,thistimecomingoutwithasmallslipofpaper.Hetookmyotherhandandprieditopen.
Electricityzingedupmyarm.Thecallousedtipsofhisfingerssenttinglesacrossmyskin.
Hiseyesflared,likehe’dfeltthatchargetoo,asheplacedthepaperinmypalm,thenletmego.“That’stheaddress.”
Atthestreetname,myheartsank.“ThisisinQuincy.”
“Yep.”
“WhydoyouhaveabuildinginQuincy?”
“Cometomorrowandyou’llfindout.”
“No.”
Hedugintohisotherpocketthistime,pullingoutasmallvelvetpouchinafamiliarshadeofteal.“I’mguessingthiswillmakeitayes.”
“Whatisthis?”Iaskedashehandeditover.
Fosterdidn’tanswerandhedidn’twaitformetoopenthepouch.Hespunonaheelandmarchedacrossmyporch,joggingthefewstepstothesidewalk.Thenheroundedthehoodofagleamingblacktruck,startedtheengineanddrovedowntheblock.
Iinchedawayfromthethresholdashistaillightsdisappeared,kickingthedoorclosed.Witheverypassingsecond,thepouchgotheavier.
Don’topenit.
Fosterwascountingonmycuriosity.Hehadn’tansweredasinglequestionofminetonight,insteadleavingmewithevenmorethanI’dstartedwith.
Don’topenit.
“Gah.”Istretchedthetopofthepouchandturneditover,theiteminsidedroppingintomypalmbesidethekey.
Aring.Atwo-carat,emerald-cutdiamondinlaidonagoldband.
Igaspedasthediamondglintedfromtheoverheadlight.Howdidhehavethisring?Why?
Inmyotherhand,Icrumpledthepaperintoatightball,squeezingashardaspossible.
ThenIprieditapart.
Damnhim.Ishouldignorehim.Ishouldpretendhedidn’texist.ButconsideringIhadn’tmanagedthatinsevenyears,IdoubtedI’dforgetFosterMaddenbymorning.CHAPTERTWOFOSTER
Thephone’sringbouncedofftheblockwallsinmynewbuilding.Ipulleditfrommypocket.Jasper.
“Hey,”Ianswered.
“Hey.Justcheckingin.Howwasyesterday?”
“Couldhavebeenworse.”Shecouldhavehadamananswerherdoorlastnight.Iknewshewasn’tmarried,butaboyfriendwouldhavemadethismoreofachallenge.Notimpossible,justanotherchallenge.“Shedidn’tslamthedoorinmyface.”
“Well,youwouldhavedeserveditifshehad.”
Ichuckled.“Thisistrue.”
Jasperwasn’tjustmytrainer.Hewasmyclosestfriendandoneoftheonlypeopleintheworldwhoknewthetruthaboutmysituation.AboutTalia.AboutwhyI’dcometoMontana.
Thiswasthefightofmylife.
Therewerefiveroundsinafight.AndafterlastnightatTalia’s,IhadafeelingI’dneedthemalltowin.
“How’sthegym?”heasked.
“Empty.Dirty.Idon’tknowifyoucouldevencallthisplaceagym.”Myvoiceechoedaroundthedankspace.“Guessthat’swhatIgetforbuyingabuildingsightunseen.”
Fromtheoutside,thebuildingwasnothingmorethanasquareboxpaintedadullgray.GYMwaswrittenonthefrontwallinanobnoxiousshadeofsafetyorange.Thelettershadn’tlookednearlyasuglyinthephotosmyrealtorhadsent.
Therewasabitofresemblancetothepictures.Butthephotoshadshownabright,cleanspacewithoutdatedequipment.Eitherthey’dbeenfromadecadeagoorhehadaPhotoshopmagicianonstaff.
Regardless,IshouldhaveknownsomethingwaswrongwhenI’dmethimanhouragotopickupthegym’skeysandhe’dhesitatedoutsidethefrontdoor.
I’dhopedtheinteriorwouldbebetter,butwitheverylooparoundtheroom,itonlygotworse.
Thecementfloorswerecoveredinacoatofdust.Everysingleceilingtilewasspottedwithwatermarks.Mostofthepaintwasthesamegrayastheexterior,buttheorangehadsnuckitswayinsidetooandcoveredanentirewall.Notoneofthefloor-to-ceilingmirrorsatthebackofthegymlackedcracks.Andtherewasadraftcomingfromoneofthewindows—ormaybeallofthewindows.Thefurnacewasrunningonfullblast,thefannearlyasloudashelicopterblades,anditwasn’tdoingathingtocuttheDecemberchill.
“Howbadisit?”Jasperasked.
“Bad.Therealtorhandedmethekeysandbolted.Hesaidhehadanotherappointment,butIhaveafeelinghewasleavingbeforeIcouldpummelhim.Thosepictureshesentwerebullshit.”
“Whatareyougoingtodo?”
Isighedanddraggedahandthroughmyhair.“Gettowork.I’vegottogetthisusable.”
Atthispoint,Ididn’thavealotofotheroptions.Thisbuildingwasjustgoingtohavetoworktemporarily.
WithChristmasinfivedays,IdoubtedI’dbeabletofindanotherplacetoliveuntilafterNewYear’s.Thehotelwasbooked—tenminutesafterI’dwalkedthroughthegym’sdoor,I’dcalledTheEloiseInnandaskedtoextendmyreservation.Butthehotelwasbookedthroughtheholidays.Ihadtwonightsleftbeforemyroomwouldgotothenextguest.Andeverymotel,VRBOandAirbnbwithinfiftymileswastaken.
Aftertheholidays,Icouldsearchforanicerhome.ButIneededagym.MytraininghadbeendelayedenoughthesepastfewweeksdealingwitheverythinginVegas.
Eventually,Icouldgetthisplaceremodeled.OrIcouldtearitdownandbuildfromscratch.Butthatwouldtakemonths.Ididn’thavemonths.SoI’dsettleforthisplace.I’dmakethegym’ssmall,one-bedroomapartmentlivable.Andmeanwhile,I’dconvinceTaliatolistentowhatIhadtosay.
Iftherewasonethinggoingforme,itwastheelementofsurprise.PartofthereasonI’dboughtthisshitholewasbecauseitwasvacant.I’dbeenabletopaycashwithaquickclose.Thathadbeenonlyaweekago.TaliahadbeensurprisedbytheaddressI’dgivenherlastnight,whichmeantshehadn’tgottenwindofmemovingtoQuincy.
IwasbankingonTalia’snaturalcuriositytobringherheretoday.Ineededtoseeheragain.Ineededtoseeherahundredtimes.MaybethenI’drealizethiswasn’tadream.
SevenyearsI’dwaitedforthischance.SevengoddamnyearsandIcouldn’triskfuckingitup.
“HaveyoutalkedtoKadence?”Jasperasked.
“Lastnight.”Iwalkedtowardthedooropentotheapartment.
Itwasinjustasbadofshapeasthegym.Thebedroomwasempty.Icountedmyselfluckythatananimalhadn’tdecidedtotakeshelterfromthewinterweatherinthecloset.Butthecarpetwasstainedandthescentofcatpissclungtotheair.
Isurveyedthecrampedlivingspaceandattachedkitchen.Ihadn’thadthegutstoopenthefridgeyetandseewhatwasgrowinginside.Thebathroomwouldneedafewgallonsofbleachbeforemyskincameincontactwiththeshowerortoilet.
Onthelistofrenovations,thisapartmentwasatthetop.
“It’stemporary,”ItoldJasper.Andmyself.
“Yousureaboutthis?”
“I’mfinallyfree.”I’dbeentrappedforsolongIwasn’tevensurehowtoactofmyownfreewill.ButitwastimetobuildthelifeI’dmissed.ThelifeI’dheldinmygraspbeforeI’dfuckeditallup.
“Ihearyou,”Jaspersaid.“WhatcanIdo?”
“Nothing.I’llfigureitout.”
“Domeafavor?Fitinaworkouttoday.”
“Doescleaningcount?”Togetthisplaceready,I’dbebustingmyass.
“Thatworks,”hesaid.“How’syourhead?”
“Notgreat,”Iadmitted.
ThiswasthefirsttimeinmylifeIhadnomotivationtotrain.Tofight.NowthatArlowasdeadandnolongerpushingmetowin,win,win,Ijust…didn’tcare.
IneededtofindthatmotivationbecauseIhadafightthefirstweekendinMarch.MaybeTaliacouldhelp.IfIcouldgethertolisten.
“Don’tworry,”ItoldJasper.“I’llbeready.”
“WhenshouldIcome?”
Isighedandwalkedbacktothegym,followingmyownfootprintsinthedust.“Givemesometime.”
“Youdon’thavetime.”
“Iknow,”Imuttered.Ididn’thavetimetowastecleaningupanoldgymandmakingacrappyapartmentlivable.YethereIwas.
ForTalia.
“Callmesoon,”Jaspersaid.
“IfIdon’ttalktoyou,MerryChristmas.”
“Sametoyou.”
Iendedthecallandtuckedmyphoneintomyjeanspocket.ThenIwalkedtowardtheugly-as-fuckorangewall.Thecolorwasgivingmeamigrainebutitwouldhavetowait.Thefirstorderofbusinesswascleaningtheapartment.
I’dmadearrangementstohavefurnituredeliveredonFriday.Therewerecarpetstoripoutandroomstoscour.ThenI’dtacklethegym.
MystomachwasinaknotasIpacedtotheoppositeendofthespace,peeringoutoneofthegrimywindows.Wouldshecometoday?Hadthatringpiquedherinterestenough?
MypalmssweatedasIpacedthelengthofthebuildingagain.Ihadn’tbeenthisnervousinyears.Myphoneranginmypocket.Vivienne’sringtone.Jasperhadprobablycalledandtoldhertocheckin.
“Hey,”Ianswered.“Everythingokay?”
“Yeah,”shesaid.“Howaboutyou?”
“I’mallright.It’s…weird.”
“Iknow.IwasthinkingthatearlierwhenIwaswalkingaroundthehouse.”Viviennewastheonlyoneintheworldwho’dunderstand.BecauseIwasn’ttheonlyonewho’djustbeensetfree.Shehadtoo.“Butagoodweird,youknow?”
“Yeah,Vivi.It’sagoodweird.”
“How’sMontana?”
“Cold,butI’mgladtobehere.I’llbebusygettingtheplacesetup.”
“Howisit?”
Awful.“Fine.”Iwouldn’ttellherabouttheactualstateofthegym.She’dseeiteventually,andifsheknewitwasbad,she’dworry.
“Willyoucalllater?”
“Youbet.Haveaniceday.”
“Youtoo.Goodluck.”
NexttoJasper,Viviennewasmybestfriend.SheknewwhyIwasinMontana.SheknewthatTaliahadalwaysbeeninmyheart.
Overtheyears,she’dbeentheonetokeeptabsonTalia.Mostly,ViviennehaddoneittosavemetheheartbreakofseeingphotosofTaliawithanotherman.Soshe’drandomlycheckTalia’ssocialmediaposts.She’dgoogleTalia’snameandseeifithadeverchangedfromEden.
ThefactthatTaliawasn’tmarriedhadbeenamiracle.Mymiracle.
ThedayVivienneandIhadsignedourdivorcepapers,she’dencouragedmetotakethisrisk.She’ddoneeverythinginherpowertohelpmegettoMontana.
HereIwas.Timetogettowork.
“Okay.”Iclappedmyhands,thesoundfillingthegym.I’dstoppedatthehardwarestorethismorningforafewcleaningsupplies,knowingI’dhavetodosomework.Ihadn’texpectedthismuchworkandmystashwouldn’tlastlong,butitwouldgetmestarted.
Itookonestepforthedoor,butitopened.Andthereshewas.
“Talia.”Myvoicesoundedhoarse.“Youcame.”
Shenodded,lookingmeupanddown.Thensheheldupherhand,thevelvetpouchdanglingfromherfingers.“YouknewIwould.”
“Hoped.”Yes,I’dbaitedherwiththatring.AndI’ddoitagain.
Shetorehergazeawayandletthedoorswingclosedbehindher.Thenshesteppedinsideandtuckedalockofherdark,silkyhairbehindanear.Lastnight,she’dhaditupinaknot.Today,itwascurledinwavesthathungnearlytoherwaist.
Fuck,shewasbeautiful.Iwouldhaveswornshecouldn’tgetmorebreathtaking,yetshehadmanagedtheimpossible.
Theairrushedfrommylungs.Myheartbeattoofast.SeeingTaliawaslikebeinghitinthechest.Ithadbeenthesamelastnight.HowmanytimeshadIwishedtoseeherface,tostandinthesameroomandbreathethesameair,justonemoretime?
Beneathherblackcoat,sheworeapairofbaby-bluescrubsthatbroughtouthersapphireeyes.Amancouldfindthesecrettolifeinthoseeyes.
Taliawalkedtothecenteroftheroom,lookingeverywherebutatme.
“You’readoctor.”Fuck.Nice,Madden.Waytostatetheobvious.
“Yes.”
“Thatwasalwaysyourdream.”Itdidn’tsurprisemeintheslightestthatshe’dmadeitcometrue.
Taliapushedupthesleeveofhercoat,tappingherwatch.“I’monabreakandneedtogetbacktothehospital.Whatdoyouwant,Foster?”
You.“Iwantedtoseeyou.TellyouIwasintown.Thoughtmaybewecouldcatchup.Gotodinnerorsomething.Therestaurantinthehotelisreallygood.Iatetherelastnight.”
“That’smybrother’srestaurant.”Shecrossedherarmsoverherchest,stillwalkingincirclesaroundthegym.“Whydidyoubuythisbuilding?”
“BecauseIneedatrainingfacility.Theothergymintownispublic.IneededsomethingIcouldtailorformyself.Putinaring.Heavybags.Mats.Thatsortofthing.Plusit’sgotanapartmentthatwillworkuntilI’mabletobuyahouse.”
Talia’sstunningblueeyeswidened.Shestoppedwalkingandpointedtothefloor.“You’regoingtolivehere?InQuincy?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Wasn’titobvious?“YoualwaystalkedaboutQuincy.Abouthowyourfamilyfoundedthetown.Howitwasaplacewhererootsrandeep.IdecidedifIwasgoingtorelocate,whynotMontana?Itwastimeforachange.TimetogetoutofVegas.”
“Achange.”Hereyesnarrowed.“WhatdoesViviennethinkaboutthischange?”
“Doesitmatter?She’snotmywife.”
Therewassomuchtosay.Somuchtoexplain.ButtherewasafireinTalia’seyes,andifshewasangry,shewouldn’thearmeout.Maybeshewasn’treadyforwhatIhadtosay.AndIneededhertohearme.Tohearthetruth.
“Howaboutdinnertonight?”Iasked.
Sheraisedherchin.“Howlonghaveyoubeenplanningthismove?”
“Notlong.”
“I’msurprisednooneknew.”Shescoffed.“FosterMaddenmovingtoQuincyisbignews.”
WhichwasexactlywhyI’dmadesuretokeepalidonthepurchaseofthisbuilding.
“Whendidyoubuythisring?”Sheheldupthepouchagain.“Wasithers?”
“No,thatwasneverVivienne’s.”ThatringhadalwaysbeenforTalia.
IthadstayedlockedawayinmysafeuntilI’dfinallybeenabletogiveittoherlastnight.
“There’salottotalkabout.Ifyou’vegottogetbacktowork,thentonight.Whatdoyousay?Dinner?”
Herarmscinchedtighteracrossherchestandshestartedwalkingagain.“No.Idon’tthinkthat’sagoodidea.”
“Whynot?”
“BecauseIdon’twanttoseeyou,Foster.Idon’twantyouinmytown.”
“Toolate.”
Hernostrilsflared.
Shit.I’dalwayslovedTalia’ssteadynature.Whenotherswouldpanic,she’dstaycalm.ItwaspartofthereasonI’dknownshe’dmakeanincredibledoctor.Buteverynowandthen,she’dgetmad.Andwhensomeonepushedtherightbuttons,TaliaEdenhadatemperunmatched.
SobeforeitblewandIreallypissedheroff,Ichangedthesubject.
“There’salottobedonetofixthisplaceup.Thatorangewallhasgottogo.ButIthinkthebuildingitselfwillwork.I’mgoingtosettheringuphere.”Markinganoutlineinthedust,Iwalkedasquareinthecenterofthefloor,thenpointedaroundtheroomasIspoke.“I’llputmatsinthatcorner.Hangheavybagsfromthatbeam.Bringinatreadmillandstationarybike.”
“Youcan’tbeseriousaboutthis.”
“Iam.I’vegotafightinMarchandamhavingahardtimefocusinginVegas.Achangeofsceneryshouldhelp.Maybesomefreshfaces.Youwerealwaysgoodatkeepingmefocused.MaybeIcouldenlistyourhelp.”
Shegaveaslightheadshake.Itwasthesamelookpeoplehadafteryourangtheirbell.Ihadherheadspinning.“You’reaskingmetohelpyougetreadyforafight?”
No,Iwasaskinghertodinner.“Somethinglikethat.Wecouldtalkaboutittonight.”
“I—what?”
“Dinner,Tally.”Itwasamistaketousehernickname.Iknewitthemomentherexpressionblanked.Gonewastheconfusion.Gonewastheanger.
SheshutmeoutfasterthanIcouldblink.
“GetoutofQuincy,Foster.”Shemarchedacrossthefloor.“Idon’twantyouhere.”
Thecoldairrushedinsideassherippedopenthedoorandstormedoutside.
“Fuck.”Idraggedahandovermyface.Apopoftealvelvetcaughtmyeye.
Thering.
She’ddroppeditonthefloor.
Iwalkedoverandpickeditup,holdingitinmyhandforalongmoment.
WasIpushingtoohard?Toofast?ThatwastheonlywayIknewhowtogo.ButitwasexactlyhowI’dlostTaliainthefirstplace.
“Roundone.”
Roundonewasover.AndI’dgottenmyfuckingasskicked.ROUND2
CHAPTERTHREETALIA
Tally.
NoonecalledmeTally.Notmyparents,mybrothersormyfriends.Everyoneusedmyfullname.
ExceptFoster.
He’dthoughtitwassofitting,notjustbecauseofmyname,butbecauseItendedtocountintallymarks.I’dwatchedallofhisfightsandsparringroundswithanotepadonmylapfilledwithtinylines.
Strikeslandedversusstrikesattempted.Kicksversuspunches.Takedownsandtapouts.
Thetallieshadbeenawayformetocurbmynerves.IfIwasbusykeepingcount,thenIworriedlessabouthimbeingkickedintheribsorpunchedintheface.
Justliketallyingmygooddaysatthehospital.Thosemarks,evenwhenIhadtoerasethem,gavemeapositivefocus.Agoal.
Tally.
Ihadn’tbeenTallyinalongtime.Untilyesterday.
Itwaslikebeingblastedbackintime,tothedayswhenFosterhadbeenthebiggestpartofmylife.Thedayswhenhe’dbeensoclose,hemightaswellhavebeenthethumpinmyheartbeat.
Andthering…
Why?Whyhadheboughtthatring?Especiallyifithadn’tgonetohiswife.Whenhadheboughtit?
ItlookedexactlyliketheringIremembered,butthatwasimpossible.Hewouldn’thaveboughtaringformewhenhemarriedVivienne.Butstill,itwassofamiliar.Achinglyfamiliar.
I’dneverforgetthedayIsawthatring.
Foster’sbosshadaskedhimtorunanerrand,topickupapairofearringsthatwasagiftforhisdaughter.SoI’dgonewithhimtoTiffany’sbecauseinthosedays,we’dbeeninseparable.
Whilewewaitedforthesaleswomantobringouttheearrings,FosterandIwanderedthestore.Hechallengedmetoagame.Heaskedmetopickoutmyfavoriteringandhe’dtrytoguesswhichoneitwas.
Hefounditonhisfirstguess.
Becauseoutofalltheelaborate,glitteringrings,he’dknownI’dpicksomethingsimpleanddelicate.
AringIcouldtakeonandoffwithease.AringIcouldwearonachainaroundmyneckatworkwithoutthestonediggingintomyskin.Aringthatwouldlookbeautifulonmyfinger,evenwhenmyskinwaschappedanddryfromfrequenthandwashinganddisposablegloves.
Thathadbeenaweekbeforehe’dtoldmehewasmarryingVivienne.
Aweekbeforehe’dshatteredmyheart.
Hecouldn’tmovehere.Hecouldn’tliveinMontana.We’dcrosspaths.Therewasnowaywewouldn’trunintoeachotheronMainoratastore.QuincywastoosmalltoavoidamanlikeFoster.Somehow,Ihadtoconvincehimtoleave.Somehow.
Butfirst,Ineededtoclearmyhead.Ineededtosortoutmyheart.Sothismorningaftershoweringandeatingaquickbreakfast,I’dleftthehouseandcometotheplacewhereI’dalwaysfoundpeace.
Home
DrivinginmyblackJeepWrangler,IeaseddownthelanetoMomandDad’s,passingundertheEdenRanchgatedarchway.Beyondthefencesborderingtheroad,thesnow-coveredmeadowsstretchedformiles.Evergreenscoveredthemountainfoothills,theirbranchesdustedinwhite.
Agreentractorwitharoundbaleinitsforksrolledthroughthepasturebeyondmywindow.AlineofblackAnguscowstrottedbehindit,eachwearingtheEdenbrandontheirribs—anEaboveacurveintheshapeofarockingchair’srunner.
Ilovedtheranch.Ilovedtheopenspacesandthefamilylegacyandtheanimals.Throughoutmychildhood,I’dplannedonbecomingaveterinarian.I’dwantedtospecializeinlargeanimalssoIcouldhelpoutontheranchwithcattleandhorses.
Untilmyjunioryearinhighschoolandawinterynighthadchangedmydestiny.
MyEnglishteacher,Mrs.Haskins,hadbeeneightmonthspregnantatthetimeandonlydaysawayfromtakinghermaternityleave.IthadbeenMarchandamassivesnowstormhadblownintotown.Theweatherforecasthadn’tpredicteditsseverity.Onemoment,wewerewatchingheavyflakesfalltotheground,andthenext,asheerwhiteout.Mostroadswereclosedforemergencytravelonly,andsincemyfamilylivedinthecountry,itwasimpossibleformyparentstodriveinandgetus.
Somytwinsister,Lyla,andIroundedupouryoungersiblings,MateoandEloise,towaititout.Mrs.Haskinsvolunteeredherhouseasaplaceforustostayuntilthestormdieddown.
Wetrudgedthetwoblockstoherhomeandallhunkeredinside.Herhusbandworkedforthetransportationdepartmentandwasoutdrivingasnowplow,soshewashappyforourcompany.
Untilhercontractionsstarted.
Wecalled9-1-1foranambulance,butbythetimetheyarrived,Iwasholdingaslimynewbornbabygirlinmyarms.
I’dneverbeensoscaredinmylife.
MaybeI’dhadthecouragetohelpbecauseI’dbeensofocusedontheveterinarianpath.I’dwatchedDadpullplentyofcalves.Butfromthatmomenton,mypathhadchanged.
Momalwayssaidbecomingadoctorhadbeenmycalling.
WhatifI’dgottenitwrong?WhatifIshouldhavestayedhere,workedhere?Iwouldn’thavetodealwiththeRachelsoftheworld.AndIwouldn’thavemetFoster.
IshookoffthosedoubtsasInearedthehouse.Theranchwasbustlingwithactivitythismorning,thehiredmengettingreadytoheadoutfortheirday.Asatruckpassedwithacoupleofguysinthecab,Iwaved,thenparkedbesideMom’snewCadillac.
Everyyear,Dadboughtherthelatestmodel.Thistime,he’dgottenheranEscaladebecauseshe’dinsistedonplentyofspacetokeepcarseatsforhergrandkids.
“Talia.”GriffinwascrossingMomandDad’sporchasIhoppedoutofmyJeep.
“Hi.”Ismiled,meetinghimatthebaseofthesteps.
Inonehand,Griffhadatravelmug.Theotherheheldintheair,makingspaceforasidewayshug.Hesmelledlikewindandsoapwithahintofcampfire,probablyfromthestoveathisplace.Witheverypassingday,heremindedmemoreandmoreofDad.
“Youlooktired.Youokay?”heasked.Griffhadtakenituponhimselfastheoldestsiblingtomakesurewewereallokay.Again,alotlikeDad.
“Good,”Ilied.ThedarkcirclesbeneathmyeyeswerefromtwosleeplessnightsspenttossingandturningaboutFoster.“Whatareyouupto?”
“Justdroppedoffthekids.”Heletmegoandhookedhisthumboverhisshoulder.“Mom’sbabysittingtodaywhileIheadoutandgetsomefirewoodsplit.Whataboutyou?Notworkingtoday?”
“No.I’moncallallweekend,soI’vegottodayoff.”Myschedulewaserraticatbest.ThestandardshiftswerereservedforDr.Anderson,andtherestofusfilledinthegaps.“IthoughtI’dcomeoutandtakeNeptuneforaride.Dadsaidyouhadmostofthehorsesstillgatheredinfromaftertheygotreshod.”
“Yeah,they’reallinthecalvingpasture.I’llhaveoneoftheguysbringherintothestablesandgethersaddledforyou.”
“Icandoit.”
“It’llsaveyouthetrouble.Headonin.GetsomecoffeeandoneofMom’smuffins.Neptunewillbereadyinthirty.”
“Okay.”Ismiled.“Thatwillgivemetimewiththekids.”
“Seeyoulater.”Griffsetoffforthebarn.
TheEdenRanchwasoneofthelargestinthestate,generationsofourfamilyhavingbuiltitup.Griffin’sheartbelongedtoWinslowandtheirtwobabies.Butbeyondhisfamily,mybrotherlovedthisland.
Icouldn’timaginehiminasuitandtie,workinginanoffice.HebelongedinafadedpairofWranglersandscuffedcowboybootswithacanvasCarharttcoatonhisbackandadustyStetsononhishead.
ThescentofhayandcattledriftedonthegentlebreezeasIheadeduptheporchstepstomychildhoodhome.Myparentshadbothretiredinrecentyearsbutthishousewouldalwaysfeellikeranchheadquarters.Pasttheirloghomewasthebarnmygrandfatherhadbuilt.Besideitwerethestablesandtheshop,additionsDadhadmadewhenhe’dbeenatthehelm.
Ipushedopenthefrontdoorandinhaledsugarandblueberriesandlemon.Diditsmellbetterinsideorout?Theywerebothhome.“Hello!”
“Talia,willyoubringmethatfive-gallonbucketofflourbesidethedoor?”Momhollered.
“Sure.”Ishruggedoffmycoatandhungitonanironhookintheentryway,thenheftedthebucketbyitshandleandwaddleditdownthehall.“Wheredoyouwantit?”
“Bythepantry,please.”Shepointedwithadough-coveredfinger.
Isetitdown,thenmovedaroundtheislandtoinspectwhateveritwasshewasmaking.“Pie?Smellsgood.”
“I’mgettingajumponChristmasprep.Thiswillgointhefreezer.”Shekissedmycheek,thenwenttothesinktowashup.“Whatareyoudoingtoday?”
“ThoughtI’dcomeoutandgoforaride.”
WhatIlovedmostaboutmyparents’housewasthatthelockonthefrontdoorhadn’tbeenturnedindecades.Theydidn’texpectphonecallsbeforeweshowedup.TheywereusedtounannouncedvisitorsandnotoncehadtheymademefeellikeIwasinterrupting.
Thiswasourhome,nomatterhowoldwegot.
Iwenttothecupboardwhereshekeptthecoffeecupsandtookoutamug.
“GuesswhoIbumpedintoatthestoreyesterday,”Momsaid,pickingupherownmug.
“Who?”IaskedasIrefilledhercup,thenmyown.
“BonnieHaskins.”
“Nokidding?”Ilaughed.“Iwasjustthinkingaboutheronthedriveover.”
“ShehadMariewithher.Thatgirlisgrowinglikeaweed.”
Marie,thebabyI’ddeliveredduringthatsnowstorm.Namedformymiddlename.
ThelasttimeI’dseenMariehadbeenatthehospital.She’dcomeinforherannualsportsphysical.“She’ssocute.”
“She’sgoingtogivetheboysatthehighschoolarunfortheirmoney.”
“You’renotwrong.”Ismiledandsippedmycoffee.
ThiswaswhyIlivedinQuincy.SothatMarieHaskinswouldgrowupinfrontofmyeyes.SothatHudsonandEmmaandDrakewouldbedotedonbytheirauntTalia.
Atinygigglesoundedfromthelivingroom.“Iheardyou’rebabysittingtoday.”
“YourdadisondutyuntilIgetthispieintheoven.Butotherwise,we’regoingtohaveafunday.Iboughtfingerpaint.”
“Youspoilthem.”
“Hellyes,Ido.”
“I’mgoingtogosayhi.”Ileftmycoffeeonthecounter,thenheadedforthelivingroom,whereDadwasonthefloorwiththreebabies.Emma,sevenmonthsold,waslyingonablanketwithhertoesinherhands,tryingtoshoveafootintohermouth.
Herone-and-a-half-year-oldbrother,Hudson,wassmackingtwoblockstogether.WhileDrake,mybrotherKnox’sson,wastoddlingaroundDad,gigglingasDadtriedtoticklehim.
“Thislookslikefun.”
Hudsontookonelookatmeandtheblockswereforgotten.Heshoveduponhisfeetandhelduphishands.“Uh.Uh.”
Up.Up.
“Hey,buddy.”Iswepthimintomyarmsandkissedhischeek.Thenanotherlittleboycrashedintomyleg,soIbentandheftedDrakeuptoo.Mysiblingsalwaysteasedmeforhavingbabyfever.Iwantedkids.Someday.Anduntilthatdaycame,thesebabiesweremyfix.“Howaremyguystoday?”
Drakeansweredwithastringofgibberish.
“Ah.Well,thatsoundsexcellent.”Iputthembothdownandsatonthefloor.“Hey,Dad.”
“Hi,sweetheart.Whatareyouuptotoday?”
“IcameouttotakeNeptuneforaride.”ItoyedwithHudson’sblocks,helpinghimmakeastack.
“It’saprettyday.Sun’sshining.”Nomatterwhatthetemperature,hotorcold,Dadconsideredanydaywithsunshineagoldenone.
“IthoughtI’dswingbythehotelthisafternoon,”Isaid.“SeeifEloiseneedsanyhelpbeforetheChristmasrush.ItalkedtoLylathismorningandshewasoddlycalm,consideringhowbusyit’sbeen.”
Dadchuckled.“IthoughtthesamethingwhenItalkedtoheryesterday.Butyouknowitwon’tlast.She’llbedeadonherfeetbythetimeChristmasgetsherenextweek.”
Theentiretownwasdeckedoutfortheholidayswithgarlandandlightsandtrimmedtrees.LylaownedthecoffeeshopinQuincyandshe’dspentthreehourstheothernighthandpaintingEdenCoffee’sfrontwindowwithsnowflakes.
Shehadcustomersstreamingthroughherdoorfromthetimesheopenedatsixinthemorninguntilclosingatseveneachnight.Halfwerelocalswho’dplacedspecialordersforholidaypastries.Halfweretouristsintowntoenjoythefestivities.
LylawouldbeexhaustedbythetimeNewYear’swasover.SowouldEloiseandKnox.Butthey’dhavehelp.TheEdenspitchedintohelpeachother,withouthesitation.
“What’snewatthehospital?”Dadasked.
“Nothingreally.”Therewasn’tmuchIcouldtellhim,butonoccasion,I’dgripeaboutRachel.
Hudsonthrewafistintomystackofblocks,thengiggled,soIstackedthemagain.
“Youokay?”Dad’seyesnarrowedonmyface.“Somethingisbotheringyou.”
TherewasnopointindenyingittoDad.He’dalwaysbeenabletoreadmymoods.AndI’dratherhimhearitfrommethantheQuincygrapevine.Knoxhadn’tmentionedbumpingintoFosteratthehospitalearlierthisweek,butchanceswere,itwouldcomeupsoonerratherthanlater.Wedidn’tgetalotoffamousUFCfightersinMontana.
“FosterMaddenisintown.”
“What?”Hestraightened,loweringhisvoice.“Why?Whatdoeshewant?”
Wehadn’ttalkedaboutFosterinyears.Knoxteasedmeforbeingtooprivateformyowngood.ButIwasgladIhadn’thadtoexplaintheFostersituationtoeveryone.ItwasastoryIdidn’thavethehearttosharemultipletimes.
LylaknewI’dbeendatingsomeoneincollegeandthatwe’dbrokenupwhenI’dgonetomedicalschool.Eloiseknewthesame.Andmybrothers,well…theyavoidedtheirsisters’lovelives.
“Heclaimshe’smovinghere,”Isaid.“HeboughtthatvacantgymonLowerClarkForkRoad.”
ThepreviousownerhadgonebrokewhenI’dbeeninhighschool,andthegymhadsatvacantforyears.Therejustweren’tenoughpeopleinQuincytosupporttwogyms,especiallywhentheFirehousehadnewequipmentandfitnessclasses.
“Haveyoutalkedtohim?”Dadasked.
“Yeah.”
“And?”
Ishrugged.“Idon’twanthimtolivehere.ButIguessIdon’thavemuchchoice.”
Dad’smouthflattened.“Youknow,Ithoughtaboutbuyingthatbuildingtoflip.Damnit.”
“It’s…strange.”Ihadafeelingthatevenifthere’dbeennobuilding,Fosterwouldhavecomeanyway.IforcedasmileandranmyfingersthroughDrake’sblondhair.“I’llbefine.Itwasalongtimeago.Justashock.ButI’mgoingtotakemyride.Getsomeair.ThenI’llbegoodasnew.”
“Wantsomecompany?”heasked.
“I’dsayyou’vegotyourhandsfull.”IbentdowntokissEmma’sforehead,thenstood.“Seeyouafterabit.”
AfteraquickstopinthekitchentosaygoodbyetoMom,Iheadedoutside,grabbingapairofglovesandabeaniefrommycar.ThenIzippedmycoatuptomythroatandheadedforthestables.
“Yourhorseisallready,Doc.”Ahiredhandsalutedmebytouchingthebrimofhishatashestrodeoutofthebuilding.
“Thankyou.”Ismiled,thenwalkedinside.Neptunestoodinthecloseststall.“Hey,girl.”
Shehuffed,buttingupagainstmyhandasIstrokedherdappledgraycheek.
NeptunewasoneofeighthorsesDadhadpurchasedyearsago.Eloisehadinsistedonnamingthemall,andatthetime,she’dbeendoingaschoolprojectaboutthesolarsystem.Soeachofussiblings,plusMomandDad,hadahorsenamedafteraplanet.
“How’smyprettygirl?”Icrooned,openingthedoortoleadherout.
Wewalkedforabit,outofthestablesandlappingthecorralbeforeImadeafewadjustmentstomysaddle.ThenIsteppedmyleftfootintoastirrupandhoistedmyselfup,settlingintotheseatbeforeweheadedthroughagate—thehiredmanhadopeneditforme—andintoafield.
Dadwasright.Itwasaprettyday.Thesuncutthechillfromtheair.Theraysreflectedoffthesnow,andonthebackofmyhorse,mymoodinstantlyimproved.
“Fosterishere,”ItoldNeptunebecausemyhorsewasthebestlisteneraround.“Ihavenoideawhatheexpectsfrommeotherthanhewantstogoouttodinnerandtalk.”
Neptunesnorted.
“Yep.That’swhatIthinktoo.It’sallhorseshit.Nooffense.”Iloosenedthereins,lettingNeptunepickupspeedtoatrot.“Whatcouldtherepossiblybetosayaftersolong?”
Neptunedidn’thaveananswerthistime.
NeitherdidI.
Werodeinsilenceforhours,weavingawanderingtrailinthesnowuntilthecrispairclearedthefogfrommymind.
Itookthelong,familiarpathtomyfavoriteplaceontheranch.
GarnetFlats.
Inthespring,themeadowswouldbealushgreendottedwithwildflowersinred,yellow,whiteandpurple.Inthesummer,thewarmsapfromtheevergreenswouldinfusetheairwiththescentofpine.Inautumn,theleaveswouldchange,coloringthemountainfoothillsbeforetheysleptthroughawhitewinter.Onehundredacresofsheerbeauty.
Mydreamhadalwaysbeentobuildahomehere.Toexperiencetheseasonsthrougheverysunriseandsunset.AsIstaredacrossthesnow,myeyesflooded.
ThatdreamhadincludedFosteronce.
Forthefirsttimeinmylife,ithurttobehere.
Withanudgeofmylegandatugonthereins,Iturnedawayfromthemeadow.NeptuneandIreturnedtothestablesatagallop,andbythetimewearrived,wewerebothoutofbreath.
AfterIputmysaddleaway,tookcareofNeptuneandledherbacktothecalvingpasturetorejointheotherhorses,IheadedbacktoMomandDad’s.Ididn’twanttogohome,soIdidn’t.Tomorrow,workwouldbeawelcomedistraction,butfortoday,I’dusemyfamily.
Ifingerpaintedwithmynieceandnephews.MommademeagrilledhamandcheesesandwichforlunchbeforeIhelpedherputthekidsdownforanap.AndeverytimeDadmadeeyecontact,Ismiled,doingmybesttoreassurehimIwasfine.
Itwasn’tuntilthesunwasdippingtowardthehorizonthatIfinallysaidgoodbyeandclimbedintotheJeep.ThenItookthelongwayhomesoIcouldsavorthepinkandorangesunsetbehindthejaggedmountainsthatsurroundedQuincy’svalley.AndbythetimeIturneddownmystreet,itwasnearlydark.
JustnotdarkenoughtomisstheblacktruckwithNevadalicenseplatesparkedinfrontofmyhouse.
“Youinfuriating,obstinateman.”IgrittedmyteethandturneddownthealleysoIcouldparkinmygarage.Aftermarchinginside,IflewthroughthehouseandrippedopenthefrontdoortofindFosteronmyporch.“Whyareyouhere?”
“Dinner.”HeheldupaplasticbagfromourlocalMexicanrestaurant.Intheotherhand,hehadabottleofwhitewine.
“God,youarestubborn.”
“It’salittlecoldforapicnic.Gonnaletmein?”
“No.”Icrossedmyarmsovermychest.
“Areyouseeingsomeone?”
“Ican’tseehowthatisanyofyourbusiness.”
“That’sano.Comeon,Tally—Talia,”hecorrected.“It’sjustdinner.”
Itwouldneverbejustdinner.NotwithFoster.“No.”
“Fine.”Hetuckedthewineunderhisarmandusedhishandtodiginhispocket,pullingoutthatdamnbluepouch.“Youleftthisatthegym.”
“Seriously?Stopwiththering.”Didn’therealizehowharditwasformetoseeit?
“It’syours.”
“Whendidyoubuyit?”
Heheldmygaze.“Rightafteryouleft.”
“Why?Youmarriedanotherwoman.”Beforehecouldanswer,Iwavedbothhands.“Nevermind.Idon’twanttoknow.Thatringhasneverbeenmine,andIdon’twantit.”
“Tally.”
“Don’t!”Myvoicecarriedpasthimandintothenight.“Don’tcallmeTallylikeyouknowadamnthingaboutme.Don’tcallmeTallylikewe’reoldfriends.Don’tcallmeTallylikeyoudidn’tlietomeeachandeverydayweweretogether.”
“Okay.”Hesighed.“Ijust…Iwanttoexplain.Please.”
“Why?Ican’tbelieveawordyousay.”
“Yes,youcan.”
“No,Ican’t.Iwon’t.I’manintelligentwoman,Foster.I’mtrusting.I’mloyal.Andyoumademequestioneverythingaboutmyself.Youmademedoubtmyintuition.Myheart.Myself.Sono,Idon’twantdinner.Idon’twanttohearyourexplanation.Idon’twantyouhere.Goaway.”
Howlonghadthosewordsbeenbottledup?Iwaitedforthatsweetrelief,forthegoodfeelingthatshouldhavecomeafteryellingatFoster.Butmyheart…hurt.Ithurt.Shouldn’titfeelgoodnow?HowmanyyearshadIheldthisangerinside?Whydidn’titfeelcathartictosetitfree?
“I’msorry.”Fosterswallowedhard.“I’msosorry.”
“It’snotenough,”Iwhispered.“It’snotenoughtobesorry.”
“You’reright.”Henodded.“Ijust…you’vealwaysbeenmyTally.It’showIthinkofyou.It’swhatIcallyouinmyhead.”
He’dthoughtofme.He’dsaidmynameinhishead.Thehurtdoubled.Thenittripledwiththeapologywrittenonhisfaceandtheregretbrimminginhiseyes.
Thishadtoend.Ihadtobetheonetoenditthistime.SoItookastepaway,grippingthedoor.“IstoppedbeingyourTallythedayyoumarriedmybestfriend.Youwanttogivethatringtosomeone?GiveittoVivienne.”
Itshouldhavefeltgoodtoslamthedoorinhisface.
Itdidn’t.CHAPTERFOURFOSTER
SweatdrippeddownmyfaceasIhauledthelastceilingtileoutsidethegym,tossingitintothedumpsterI’drentedlastweek.Thecoldairwasawelcomebreakfromtheheatinside.
Everymuscleinmybodywasonfire.Jasperwouldn’thavetoworryaboutmemissingtrainingsessionsorcardio.RenovatingthisbuildingwassomeofthehardestphysicalworkI’ddoneinyears.
Itookamomenttocooldown,mybodysteamingasmychestheaved.Butlongbreaksweren’tanoption,soIheadedback,surveyingmyprogress.Luckily,thiscleanuphadonlyrequiredenergy.Ihadn’trunintoanymajorstructuralissuesthatwouldrequireconstruction.
Inthepastweek,thegymhadbecome,well…agym.Orthemakingsofone.
Thecementfloorshadn’tbeeninbadshapeafterI’dspenthoursonmyhandsandknees,scrubbingawaythedustandgrime.Whoeverhadownedthisplacebeforemehadputmatsdownwithsomesortoftape.Idiot.Gettingtheadhesiveoffhadtakenhours.
Thedropceilinghadmadethespacefeelcramped,probablypartofwhythatdumbasspreviousownerhadn’tbeenabletokeepmembers,soI’drippedoutthetilesandthehanginggrid.Nowithadanindustrialvibe,withtheairductsexposed.TheelectricalwiresI’dhidewithsomecoveringsI’dboughtyesterday.ThenI’dstartonpaint.Twofive-gallonbucketswereinacornernexttomyladder,rollersandbrushes.
MostofthetoolsI’dboughthadbeenfromtheQuincyhardwarestore.IfIwasgoingtolivehere,Iwantedtosupportthelocalbusinesses.Butthereweresomespecialtyitemsthattheydidn’tkeepinstock,soinadditiontobustingmyasshere,I’dspentaglutofhoursbehindthewheelofmytruck,drivingtoMissoulatohitupHomeDepot.
Thefour-hourroundtripdidn’texactlyfitinmytimeline,butIhadn’thadmuchchoice.SoI’dhittheroadbyfiveinthemorning,andwhentheirdoorshadopenedatseven,I’dbeentheirfirstcustomer.
Theaddedtimeinmytruckhadn’tbeenallbad.Thedrivehadgivenmetimetothink.Sohadmylonghoursworkinghere.
IthadbeenaweeksinceI’dgonetoTalia’shousewithMexicanfoodandwine.Aweeksinceshe’dyelledandslammedthedoorinmyface.
AweeksinceI’dseenjusthowmuchpainI’dcausedher.
Ididn’twanttobackoff,itwasn’tmystyle,butsheneededtime.SoI’dgivenhertime.
Christmashadcomeandgone.Ithadbeenadamnlonelyday,soinsteadofdwellingonmycurrentsituation,I’dspentmyholidayfinishingtheapartment.Makingitahome.
I’dstrippedthecarpetfromthebedroomandlivingarea.ThenI’dscouredthecementsubfloor.I’dhadtousearazortoscrapeupalloftheglue.MyfirsttriptoMissoulahadbeenforstain-blockingprimerandlaminateflooring.Afterthebarespacehadbeenprepped,I’dhauledinthefurniture.Alone.
Mypalmshadblistersfromthepaintroller.Myneckhadapermanentkinkfromworkingontheceilings.Mylowerbackwasscreamingatmefromtoomanyhoursonmyhandsandknees.
Thisprojectwaspartofmypenance.
ForTalia,I’dbeareveryacheandpain.
Itdidn’thelpmybodythatI’dbeensleepingonmynewcouchsinceleavingthehotelbeforeChristmas.Thebeddingwasstillinitspackaging.Themattresswaswrappedinplasticandtheframeneededtobeassembled.Itwasonthelist,justclosertothebottomthanthetop.
Thereplacementwasheranddryer,alongwithanewfridge,wouldn’tbehereuntilFriday,sountiltheyarrived,Iwaslivingoutofmysuitcaseandthrivingontakeout.Besides,I’dhavetogetusedtosleepingonthecouch.Mybackwouldtoo.
Painwasjustanotherpartofmyatonement.Everythingwasatstake.Mylife.Myfuture.
Talia.
Wouldsheeverhearmeout?Wouldsheforgivemewhenshelearnedthetruth?Orwasittoolate?
Fearhadbeenkeepingmeupatnight.Pushingmetokeepgoing.FearthatI’dlosthersevenyearsagoandtherewasnowinningherback.
Sevenyearswasalongtime.
Whatifwe’dchangedtoomuch?
Thatfamiliarpaniccreptintomymind,makingmyinsideschurn.Iclenchedmyfistsandshovedtheworryaside.Iwasn’tgoingtoloseher.Notagain.Iwouldn’tlose,period.
IwasFosterMadden,theIronFist,middleweightchampionoftheworld.
Thattitle,somethingI’dworkedformyentirelife,wasamotherfuckingjoke.I’dgiveitupinaheartbeattogobackintime.Tomakebetterdecisions.
ExceptIcouldn’tquit.Notyet.ThisfightinMarchwasthelastonmycontractwiththeUFC.Myagentwasintalkstogetmeanothertwo-fightcontractbutshouldthatevenbemynextmove?
AlotdependedonthismovetoMontana.
Besides,mybodypaidthebills.I’dthrowafewmorepunchesandkickstomakesurethatwhenitdidcometimetoretire,I’dbefinanciallysecure.
Istrodeintotheapartment,headingforthesinkinthekitchentowashmyhands.Oncetheyweredry,IreachedintothecampingcoolerI’dboughtlastweekandfishedoutasportsdrink,gulpinguntilthebottlewasempty.
Then,likeIhadinthegym,Isurveyedthemostlyemptyspace.AcrossfromthecouchwasaTVonastand.Ihadn’tevenbotheredpluggingitin.Thewirelesswasn’tsetupyet—anotheritemonmylist.Thecoffeetablewasclutteredwithmoreemptydrinkbottlesandproteinbarwrappers.
IfIdidn’tgetthiskitchensetupsoonsoIcouldcookmyselfsomedecentmeals,andifIkeptworkingthishard,I’dcuttoomuchweightbeforeMarch.Whatever.I’dworryaboutthescaleanotherday.
ItookoutanotherbottleofGatoradeandachocolatechipgranolabarfromagrocerystack,thenwalkedouttothegym,heatblastingmeinawave.Thedraftywindowhadbeensealed,butthefurnaceseemedtobechuggingashardasever.Maybeitwasjustme,mybodyproducingthisheat,butIwenttothethermostatandturneditdownfivedegrees.Again.
Thedamnthingwasprobablybroken.Anotheritemtobefixed.Anotherday.
Ishovedalmosttheentiregranolabarinmymouth,chewingasIpointedatthatuglyorangewall.“Youandme.Today,we’regonnadance.”
Iatetherestofmybar,waddingupthewrapperandshovingitinanopentrashbag,thenIsetmydrinkonthefloorandwentforthepaint.
Cloudgraywasn’texactlyoriginalforawallcolorbutitwouldbrightenupthespacefromthecurrentshadeandbeeasytokeepclean.Atsomepoint,maybeI’dhangupphotosandtheAmericanflag.I’dbuysomeracksforequipmentstorage.Butmychampionshipbeltswouldbestayinginabox.
Whenitcametoagym,thereweren’talotofoptionsforstyle.Boxingringsandexerciseequipmentalllookedthesame.Heavybagsandmatsonlycameinsomanycolors.ButI’ddomybesttodifferentiatethisspacefromAngel’sinVegas.Startingwiththetrophywall.That,I’ddowithout.
MaybeifI’dbeenlessconcernedwiththosetrophies,withthemoneytheyrepresented,Iwouldn’thavegottensofuckinggreedy.
Whyhadn’tIjuststayedpoor?Atleastwithoutthemoney,Iwouldhavebeenmyownman.
Guilthadbeentormentingmeforsevendamnyearsanditsclawswereassharpasever.
I’djustpickedupagallonofKilz,readytoprimetheorangewall,whenthedooropenedatmyback.Therewasonlyonepersonwhoknewaboutmeandthisgym,soIspunaround,myheartleaping.
Exceptitwasn’tTaliawalkingthroughthedoor.Itwasanoldermanwithsalt-and-pepperhair.
“CanIhelpyou?”Iasked,settingthepaintdownandcrossingtheroom.
Henodded.“YoucansellmethisbuildingandleaveQuincy.”
Huh?“Saythatagain?”Toofewcalories,toomuchexerciseandtoolittlesleep.Ihadtohaveheardthatwrong.
“Youcanhelpmebygettingthehelloutofmytown.”
Damn.GuessIhadheardhimright.Itookastepforward,readytotossthisguyoutonhisass,butthenIlockedmyeyeswithhisbrilliantblueones.
Talia’sblue.
We’dnevermetinpersonbutI’dseenphotosofherfather.Ittookmeamomenttomatcholdpicturestothemanstandingbeforeme.
“HarrisonEden.”Iclosedthedistancebetweenusandextendedahand.“Nicetofinallymeetyou,sir.”
Hestaredatmyhand,eyebrowsarched.Taliamusthavelearnedthatlookfromherfather.
Idroppedmyhandtomyside.“Appreciateyoustoppingbytoday.AppreciateyoustandingupforTalia.ButI’mnotleavingQuincy.”
Harrison’sjawticked.“Evenifmydaughterdoesn’twantyouhere?”
“TaliaandIhavealottotalkabout.”
“Likehowyoubrokeherheart?Iwasthere.After.IwentdowntoVegastohelphermove.Youcrushedher.She’snotthetypewhowillforget.”
“No,sheisn’t.ButI’velovedhersinceIwastwenty-threeyearsold.”Therewasnopointinmincingwords.IwasmovingmyentirelifetoMontanaforTalia,andherdadmightaswellknowwhy.
“Love?”Hescoffed.“Youhadafunnywayofshowingit.WhereIcomefrom,whatyoudidtoherwasn’tlove.”
“Nooffense,Harrison,butyoudon’tknowadamnthingaboutmeorthepast.”
“Thenenlightenme.”Hecrossedhisarmsoverhisbroadchest.Hewasolderbutthemanwasbuilt.
“Taliahearsitfirst.Ifshedecidestoshare,that’sherchoice.Untilthen,you’regoingtohavetodealwithmeinyourtown.”
“Shehasagoodlifehere.You’llruinit.”
“Agoodlife?She’salone.”TwonightsinarowI’dgonetoherplaceandfoundheralone.Nohusband.Nofiancé.Noboyfriend.
“Shehasherfamily.”
Ishookmyhead.“That’snotthesame.”
Havingparents,brothers,sisterswasnotthesameashavingapartnerinlife.Aconfidant.Afriend.Mybiggestregretwasthatthepersonwho’dbeenmypartnerforsolongwasVivienne.ItshouldhavebeenTalia.
“Taliahasademandingcareer,”Harrisonsaid.“She’llsettledownwhenshe’sready.”
Excuses.Webothknewhewasmakingexcuses.
“IknowIhurther.”Iheldupmyhands,thenstoleTalia’swordsfromlastweek.“Sorryisn’tenough.ButI’llsayit.Overandoverandover.UntilsheknowsImeanit.”
Harrisonstudiedmyface,likehewassearchingforalie.ButI’dliedenoughfortwolifetimes.Allhe’dfindhereweretruths.
Withoutanotherword,heturnedandwalkedoutthedoor.
Iwaiteduntilhiscardoorslammedandthesoundofhisenginedisappearedbeforestridingintotheapartmentandsweepingupmykeysfromthecounter.
Theorangewallwouldhavetowait.
Harrison’svisithadbeentorunmeoutoftown.ButTaliamustnothavetoldhimaboutmystubbornstreak.
I’dgivenheraweek.Timewasup.
Thedriveintotowntooktenminutes.OtherthanHarrison’staillightsinthedistance,Ididn’tseeanothervehicle.Anotherreasonthegymhadprobablyfailed.Itwastoofaroffthebeatenpath.
I’dspentmyadultlifeingymsandfitnesscenters.Thebestwerethosethatyoucouldn’tignore.Theonesyoudrovepastdailyonyourwaytobuyahigh-calorielatteorMcDonald’smealdeal.
TheroadfollowedthecurveoftheClarkForkRiver.Thesunwasshiningoverhead,glintingoffthewaterandthesnow-coveredbanksoneachside.MycommutetoQuincywasahellofalotmorescenicthanbeingstuckinVegastraffic.
Harrisonreachedthestopsignaheadandtookarightattheintersection,headingdownMainStreet.Iturnedleft,fallingintoashortlineofcarsthatwereallgoingtotheoppositeendoftown.
Towardthehospital.
Iparkedinthevisitors’lot.Talia’sJeepsatinasectionreservedforstaff.She’dhadasimilarmodelJeepinVegas,oneIhadn’tbeensurprisedtoseedriveuptheothernightwhenI’dbeenwaitingatherhouse.
Maybewehadn’tchangedthatmuchafterall.
Ihurriedinside,checkingthetimeontheclockabovethereceptionist’scounter.“Hi.”
“H-hi.”Theyoungwomandidadoubletake,herfaceflushingasshetuckedalockofhairbehindherear.
Iwasahotmessatthemoment,butIwasn’ttooproudtousethewaythisT-shirtclungtomychestandarmsifthatwouldearnmeTalia’swhereabouts.“Iwaswonderingifyoucouldhelpme.I’mlookingforadoctor.TaliaEden?She’sanoldfriendandIwasjustpassingthroughtown,soIwantedtosurpriseherandsayhello.”
“Okay.Yeah.Sure.”Shesatalittlestraighterinherchair.“Isawhercomethroughjustafewminutesago.Ithinkshewasheadingtothecafeteriaforlunch.”
“You’reasweetheart.”Ipointedtowardthehallway.“Thisway?”
“Straightdownthehallwayanditwillbeonyourleft.Youcan’tmissit.”
“Thanks.”Iwinked,thenstrodefromthedesk,brushingoffthefrontofmyshirt.ThenIliftedanarm,takingawhiffofmyarmpit.“Ah,damn.”
Shouldhaveshoweredfirst.Ihadn’tthoughtaboutimpressingawomanin,well…years.
ThesoundofforksandchattergreetedmeasIsteppedintothecafeteria.Tomyleftwasanopenkitchenwithagrillandfryer.Beneathaheatlamp,therewereahandfulofpaperboatsfilledwithchickentendersandsteakfries.Tomyrightloomedasodamachineandracksofchips.Behindtheglassdoorofacoolerwereavarietyofpremadesandwiches,yogurtsandfruitcups.
“I’lltakeoneofthose,”Itoldthecookinthekitchen,noddingtothechickentenders.
“Ranchorketchup?”
“Ketchup.”Taliahadalwaysbeenpartialtoranch.“Thanks.”
Itookmyfood,snaggingabottleofwaterfromadrinkfridge,thenwenttotheclerkattheregister.Hisheadwascoveredinabluehairnetnearlythesameshadeashisscrubs.Idugoutmywalletfromapocket,paidformymeal,thenpassedhimforthetablesinthesmall,adjacentdiningarea.
Taliawassittingaloneatatable.Shewasinherbluescrubswithawhitelabcoatoverthetop.Inonehand,sheheldafry.Intheother,achickentender.
Ichuckled.NeverinmylifehadImetawomanwhoatelikeTalia.Sheinhaledherfood.Shechewedwithfuryanddidn’tspendhermealschatting.Whenshesatdownatherplate,itwastoconsume.Fast.
Thereweretwochairsathertable,soIclaimedtheemptyseat,poppingopenthetoptotheplasticcupwithmyketchupinside.
Talia’seyeswidened.Hermouthstoppedmoving.Shesatstraighter,chewingafewmoretimesbeforesheswallowed.Thenshedroppedthefryandchickenstripintoherownpaperboat.“Thishastostop.”
“Itwill.Afteryoulistentome.”Idunkedoneofmyownfriesinketchup,shovingitintomymouth.
“Thisismyplaceofwork.I’mnottalkingtoyouhere.”
“ThenIguessyou’llhavetoletmeinsidetonightwhenIcomeoverwithdinner.”
Hernostrilsflaredandshesplayedherhandsonthetable.“No.”
“Sixo’clock?”
“Foster.”
God,Ilovedhearinghersaymyname.Evenwhenshewaspissed.“Actually,we’dbettermakeitsixthirty.I’vegotsomepaintingtodo.Mighttakemetherestoftheafternoon.”
“Irememberyourhearingusedtobealotbetter.”
Ismirkedandateanotherfry.“Stilllikepizza?”
“Grr.”Shesnarledandshovedtoherfeetsohardthatthechairbehindhernearlytoppledover.Taliacaughtit,thensweptupherfood.“Youstubbornass.Ifyoushowupatmydoor,plantofreezebecauseI’mnotlettingyouinside.”
“Thencometothegym.”
“Why?”Hervoicewastooloud.Sherealizeditandglancedaround,grimacingabitwhenatableofnursesgaveherastrangelook.“Whydoyouwanttotalksobadly?Nothingyoucansaywillchangethepast.”
“Ican’tchangeit.ButI’dliketoexplain.”
“Thenwhat?Let’ssayIcometodinner.Thenwhat?”
“Then…ifyoustillwantmetoleaveQuincy,I’llleave.”
Taliastudiedmyfaceforafewlongmoments,alotlikehowherfatherhadearlier.Assessing.Dissecting.Searchingforthelie.“You’llleaveifIaskyoutoleave.”
“Iwillleave.”Ifafterwetalked,ifmelivinginQuincywouldcausehertoomuchpain,thenI’dgo.
Movingagainwasn’ttheplan.ButI’dfigureitout.Aftertonight,ifItrulyfeltlikewewereoverandtherewasnochance,I’dwalkaway.
“Fine.Sixthirty.”Shespun,herponytailwhippingthroughtheair.
Ipoppedanotherfryinmymouth.
Andgrinnedatthebeautifulwomanstormingoutofthecafeteria.CHAPTERFIVEFOSTER
“You’vegotVivi.Leaveamessage.Beep.Wait.Didyouthinkthatwastheactualbeep?Gotcha.”
Ichuckled.“Hey,it’sme.Washopingtocatchyou.I’vegotdinnerplanstonight,soIwon’tcallatthenormaltime.I’mnotsurewhenI’llbefree.SoifIdon’tgettotalktoyou,haveagoodnight.I’llcallyoutomorrowmorning.”
Ihungupandsetthephoneonthecoffeetable.ThescentofglasscleanerandwhateversolutioncamewiththeSwifferWetJetfilledtheapartment.FromthemomentI’dwalkedthroughthedoorfromthehospital,I’dspenteveryminutecleaning.
Paintinghadbeenputonpause.
“Whatelse?”Jesus,thisplacewasempty.Tomorrowmorning,Iwasorderingadiningset.Eatingatthecoffeetablewasn’talong-termoption.AndIneededwindowshades.
Granted,theviewbeyondtheglasswasbeautiful.Darknesshadalreadyfallen,thedaysshortthistimeofyear,buttonight’ssunsethadbeenbreathtaking.Theyellowandorangeskyhadremindedmeofmyfavoritelemonandtangerinesherbet.I’dstoppedcleaninglongenoughtotakeapictureandsendittoKadenceandJasper.
Still,evenwiththesunset,maybecurtainsorblindswouldmakeitfeelhomier.Decoratingwasn’tmyforte.ViviennehadtakenchargeofourhouseinVegas,andIhadnodoubtthatwhenshecametovisit,she’drollhereyesanddemandmycreditcardsoshecouldshop.
Iwalkedtothegym,goingtoawindowthatgaveabetterviewoftheroad.Itwassixforty-fiveandtherewasstillnosignofTalia.I’drunintotowntopickuppizzaearlier.Shehadn’tcomeandgonewhileI’dbeenaway,hadshe?
Ormaybeshewasn’tcomingatall.
No,she’dcome.Shewantedmeoutoftownbadlyenoughtoshowtonight.
WhatthehellwasIgoingtosay?I’dspentyearsdreamingofthisopportunity.OnewouldthinkI’dhavemyspeechprepared.
“Shit.”Irubbedahandovermybeard.Mybodyfeltlikeitwascomingapartandmyheartwasbeatingtoofast.
HowdidItellherthetruth?HowdidIstart?Therewasnogentlewaytodothis.MaybeIcouldjuststartwiththecruxofitall.
ThatIwasafuckingfool.
WhatIwouldn’tgiveforsomeequipmentrightnow.Justsomethingtopunch.That’swhenIwasthemostcentered.WhenIhadatarget.
Istrodetothemiddleoftheroom,tothespacewhereI’dsetuptheringonceitarrived.Iclosedmyeyesandliftedmyhands,ballingthemintofists.ThenIshiftedmyfeet,gettingintoagoodfightingstance,beforeIletmyjabfly.
Pop.Pop.Ifollowedbothpuncheswitharighthook.
Ibentmyknees,sinkingintotheballsofmyfeetanddiditagain.Jab.Jab.Hook.ThenIaddedanuppercutandwincedwhenapinchcamebeneathmyshoulderblade.
“Ah.”Irolledmyleftarminawidecircle,looseningthemuscles.
JasperwouldhavemyassifIinjuredmyselfwhileIwasrenovatingthisplace.
Ibouncedonmytoesacoupletimes,notexactlyagileinmyboots,buttherewasfamiliarityinthemovements.ThenIdidthesamecombinationagain.Jab.Jab.Hook.Uppercut.Nopinchthistime.
“Thankfuck.”
Imovedaroundinacircle,shadowboxinguntilsomeofthejitterseased.ThenItookalongbreath,fillingmylungsuntiltheyburned.
Justlayitoutthere.
Whateverittakes.
MyonlyjobtonightwastosharewithTaliawhatIshouldhavetoldheryearsago.
Thetruth.
HeadlightssweptthewallandIhustledoutthedoor,waitingonthelandingasTaliaparkedbesidemytruck.
“SorryI’mlate,”shesaidassheroundedthehood.“Aguycuthishandopenwhilehewasworkinginhisshopthisafternoon,andIgotcaughtupattheER.”
“It’sfine.Heokay?”
Shenodded.“Itwasaprettydeepcut.Ididmybesttosewitbacktogether.He’llhaveascar.”
“Buthestillhasahand.”
“Yeah.”
Iheldthedooropenforher.“ThenI’dsayitwasawin.”
Shestaredupatme,andforthefirsttimesinceI’dcometoQuincy,therewasn’tanyangerorresentmentinhereyes.Taliajustlooked…exhausted.
Sheslippedpastme,walkingintothegymandtakingthesamepathshehadbefore,lappingtheroom.“You’vebeenbusy.”
“It’sbeenanundertaking.”Iclosedthedoor,hangingbackandgivingherplentyofspace.
Shewenttotheorangewall,trailingherfingersalongthesurface.Hershoulderswereslumped,herponytailhangingloose.
“You’retired,”Isaid.
“I’vehadahardtimesleepingthisweek.”Shemovedtothepaintbuckets,examiningthedotofcoloronthelids.“Didn’twanttokeeptheorange,huh?”
“It’shideous.”Igrimaced.“Shouldwedothisanothernight?”
“No.”Shestoodtallandturned,herspinestiffening.“You’llreallyleaveifIaskyoutogo?”
“Yes.”Ijerkedmychintowardtheapartment,leadingtheway.“Mindifweeatonthecouch?It’sthatorstandatthekitchencounter.”
“Thecouchisfine.”Inside,shestrippedoffhercoat,layingitoveranarmrest.“Ididn’thavetimetogohomeandchange.”
Iwalkedtothekitchen,flippingopenthepizzabox.“Yourscrubsarefine.”
“Idon’twearmuchelsethesedays.”Shetookaseat,undoingthetieonherhair.“GoodthingIlookdecentinblue.”
Decent?Shewasfuckingstunning.
Istoodfrozen,afraidtoblinkbecauseI’dmissitasshefixedherponytail.
Shewashere,inmyhome.Shewasreal,wearingscrubsfromalongday’swork.Herfingernailswereshortbecauseshe’dneverbeenawomantofussovermanicures.Nojewelrybecauseshedidn’tneedittomakehersparkle.
Sheglancedover,caughtmestaring.
Ijerkedmygazeaway,reachingforthepaperplatesI’dpickedupwiththepizza.“Idon’thaveanythingfancy.”
“Idon’tneedfancy.”
No,shedidn’t.
ExceptI’dthoughtshe’dneededfancy.Ormaybethatwasjustme.Ithadbeenmyownhiddendesireforanexpensivelifethathadpushedmeovertheedge.
Iplatedacoupleofslices,thentookthemover,settingthemonthecoffeetable.“Water?OrGatorade?”
“Water,please.”
Igrabbedtwobottlesfromthecooler,thenacoupleofpapertowelsfornapkins,joiningheronthesofa.
“Youdon’tusethefridge?”sheasked.
“Iopeneditlastweek.Tookawholedaywiththewindowsopentoclearoutthestink.Soinsteadoftryingtofigureoutwhatdiedinside,Iboughtanewone.ShouldgethereFriday.”
“Ah.”Shenodded,takingabite.
Ididthesame.
Shechewed.
Ichewed.
Shetookanotherbite.
SodidI.
Shedidn’tlookatme.
ButallIcouldstareatwasherprofile.
Amemorycamerushingback,ofthetwoofusatthissmallhole-in-the-wallpizzeriainVegas.Ithadn’tbeenlongafterwe’dstarteddating.Beforethatday,Ihadn’trealizedthatawomancouldhaveasexychew.
Butthewayherlipsmoved,theflexinherjawandcheeks.Anothermemoryhit,thisoneofhertakingmeinhermouth.MycocktwitchedbehindmyjeansandIshiftedtohidethegrowingbulge.
“HowwasSeattle?”Iasked.
Sheglancedover,hereyebrowsraised.“I’mnothereforcasualconversation,Foster.”
“Humormewhileweeat.”
Shesighed.“Seattlewasrainy.Schoolwastimeconsuming,soIdidn’tgetoutmuch,butIstruggledwiththegraydaysinwinter.”
“Youalwayslikedthesunshine.”Itwasthereasonshe’dmovedtoVegasforundergrad.“Rememberthattimewewenthiking,andonthewaydown,wefoundthatrattlesnakeinthepath?”
“Oh,don’tremindme.”Sheshivered.“Ihatesnakes.”
“Youmadeuswaituntilitslitheredoff.Bythetimewemadeittothecar,Iwasburnttoacrisp.”
“Itoldyoutowearsunscreen.”
“There’salwaysabottleinmytruck.Ilearnedmylesson.”
Thecornerofhermouthturnedupasshechewed.Notasmile,butthebeginningofone.
Theresheis.There’smygirl.
MaybeifIcouldtalkaboutthegoodtimes,itwouldhelpeasethestingfromthebad.
“IstayedatTheEloiselastweek.Niceplace.Sawyoursisteratthecoffeeshop.”
Hereyeswidened,andwhenshespoke,herwordsweremuffledwithfood.“Lyla?”
“Shehadanothergirlatthecounter,soIdidn’tactuallytalktoher.Youdon’tlookassimilarasIthoughtyouwould.”HavingonlyseenTalia’stwininphotos,I’dthoughttheywouldbemoreidentical.
“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Shewasactuallysmiling.Laughing.Shedidn’thaveamurderousscowlonherface.”
“Mymurderousscowlisreservedforyou.Otherpeopleconsidermequitepleasant.AndI’vebeentoldmybedsidemannerisunmatched.”
Ichuckled,someofmynervessettling.Maybethiswouldn’tbesohard,notifwecouldteaseeachother.
“Wantanotherslice?”Istoodandcollectedthebox,bringingittothecoffeetable.ThenItookanotherslicewhileshedidthesame.“Doyoulikethehospitalhere?”
“Ido.ButI’mstilltryingtoprovemyself.”
“Towho?”
“Everyone.I’manEden.Myfamilyfoundedthistowngenerationsago.MostpeoplehaveknownmesinceIwasakid,includingmybossandmostofthetenurednurses.NoteveryonelooksatmeandseestheadultI’vebecome.”
Thedefeatinhervoicewasenoughtogivemeamurderousscowlofmyown.Howcouldanyonenotlookatherandseeabrilliantandcapablewoman?
“IusedtobabysitDr.Herrera’skidswhenIwasinhighschool,”shesaid.“Everyonceinawhile,he’llcallmekiddo.Thepatienttonight,theguywhocuthishand,askediftherewassomeoneelsetostitchhimup.WhenIsaidno,hesaidhedidn’tmeananyoffense,butheremembersmeasacheerleaderwhenhissonwasonthefootballteam.”
Asshole.Wasthatwhyshelookedsotired?“Sorry.”
“That’slifeinasmalltown.Butit’sagoodtown.Agreatplaceforkidstogrowup.”
Iwascountingonit.
Taliafinishedeatingbeforeme.Shesetherplateaside,balleduphernapkin,andwhenshefacedme,thecasualconversationportionofoureveningwasover.“Whydidyoubuythatring?”
Isetmyownplateaside.“BecauseIcouldn’tstandtheideaofitbeingonanyotherwoman’shand.Thatringisyours.Alwayshasbeen.SoIboughtit.PromisedmyselfifIeversawyouagain,I’dgiveittoyou.”
“Youspentthousandsofdollarsjustincasewe’dseeeachotheragain?”
“Yes.”ThatringwasthemostexpensivepurchaseI’devermadeuptothatpointinmylife.“I’dlikeyoutohaveit.”
“Ican’t.”Sheshookherhead.“Ijust…Ican’t.Sellit.Givethemoneytocharity.”
Never.
Eithershekeptit.
OrIwould.
“So.”Sheshiftedagain,straightening.I’dspentmylifereadingbodylanguage.Lookingforthestrike.Lookingformyopponent’stell.Taliawasstiff,likeshewasreadytotakeablow.“Yourexplanation.”
Justlayitoutthere.
Whateverittakes.
Iopenedmymouth,readytodelveintothepast,butmyphonerangonthecoffeetable,thechimeatfullvolumebecauseIhadn’twantedtomissanycallswhileI’dbeenworkingonthisplace.“Shit.Sorry.”
Vivienne’sfaceflashedonthescreen.Shehadhertonguestickingoutandhereyeswerecrossed.Shecalledithergoofyface.
Ideclinedit,thenfacedTaliaagain.Buthereyesweren’twaitingformine.Theywerelockedonthescreen.OnVivi’spicture.
“Doyoutalktoheroften?”
Shit.Thehonestanswerwasn’toneshe’dlike.“Yes.Everyday.”
“Butyou’redivorced.”
“Vivienneismyfriend.We’renolongermarried,butshe’spartofmylife.”She’dbeenmyallythroughyearsofhell.
AcreaseformedbetweenTalia’seyebrows.
“Hey.”Iscootedcloser,reachingforhershoulder,butbeforeIcouldtouchher,sheshotoutofherseatandsnaggedhercoat.
“Ican’tdothis,”shesaidassheflewthroughtheapartment’sdoorway.
Fuck.“Talia,wait.”Ijumpedtofollow,joggingtocatchherinthegym.WhenItriedtotouchherelbow,sheyankeditaway.SoIlengthenedmystrides,passinghertoblockthedoor.
“Move.”Shesidesteppedtotheright.
Ishiftedtoo.“Yousaidyou’dletmeexplain.”
“Getoutoftheway.”Shesidesteppedagain,andIfollowed.“Gah.Justletmego,Foster.”
“Ihaven’tletyougoinsevenyears.I’mnotstartingtonight.”
Sherockedbackonherheels.
“Please,Tally.Stay.Let’stalk.”Itookhershockasmyopening,steppingcloser.ThenIliftedmyhand,tracingmyfingertipsacrosshercheekbone.Acurrentracedupmyarmasshegasped.
Hereyeslockedwithmine,thebluepoolsswirling.
Yeah,shefeltittoo.Ofcourseshe’dfeelit.
Whatwehadwasn’tthetypeofconnectionthatwentawaywithtime.Thiswasthesparkthatlastedalifetime.Thiswaslightning.Itknockedyouonyourasstomakesureyourealizedjusthowrareitwas.
Ileanedincloser,bendinguntilourbreathsmingled.Myfingersslidintoherhair.Shedidn’tpushmeaway.Shedidn’tstepback.HereyesstayedlockedwithmineasIclosedthegapbetweenus.
Anotherinchandthatmouthwouldbemine.AnotherinchandI’dgetthekissIcravedwitheveryfiberofmybeing.
Justanotherinchand—
Thechimeofmyphoneechoedfromtheapartment.Myreactionwashabit.Iliftedmygaze.
AndbecauseIlostfocus,Taliafoundheropening.Sheduckedundermyarmandslippedoutthedoor.
“Hell.”Iletherleave.IlethergetaheadstartwhileItookVivienne’scallandputthepizzaaway.ThenIdroveintoQuincy.
Thisroundwasn’toveryet.CHAPTERSIXTALIA
ThesnowontheJeepwasmelting.Itdrippedontothegaragefloorinplops.
I’dbeensittinginthedriver’sseat,listeningtotheplop,plop,plopforsolongthatthecab’slightshadshutoff.Theheatfrommydrivehomewasnearlygone.Myfingerswerecold,butIcouldn’tseemtounwrapthemfromthesteeringwheeltogoinside.
Therewastoomuchspaceinthehouse.Toomuchlight.Toomanydistractions.
Buthere,inthedarknesswiththeplops,maybeI’dbeabletosortthroughmyfeelings.
TheJeep,parkedinthegarage,hadbecomeasanctuaryofsorts.AcocoonwhereIcouldblockouteverythingexcepttheemotionalhurricaneraginginsidemychest.
ThelasttimeI’dsatherelikethishadbeensixmonthsago.
There’dbeenabadcaraccidentonthehighwayoutsideoftown.Bothdrivershadbeenrushedtotheemergencyroom,andI’dbeentherewithDr.Herrera.He’dtakenthemostseverelyinjuredpatient,apregnantwoman,andleftmewiththeother.
Itwasamanwhohadlostaleginthecrash.IdidexactlyasHerrerainstructed—stoppedthebleeding,cleanedthelimbandgotitbandaged.
Themancriedtheentiretime,soharditshookthebedandmadeitdifficulttowork.Buthistearsweren’tforhismissingleg.Histearswereforthewomanintheothercar.
Hesobbed,sayinghowhe’dneverforgivehimselfforspeeding.Fortexting.Heprayedthroughthetears,askingGodtotakebothhislegsandhisarms—hislifeifnecessary—tosavehers.
Hecrieduntilthemedicinefinallykickedinandhefellasleep.Iwokehimupthenextmorningtotellhimthatthewomanandherbabywouldbefine.Dr.Herrerahadsavedthemboth.
I’dneverforgetthatman’sfaceinthatmoment.Therelief.Thegratitude.Thetears,silentthistime,thatstreakeddownhisface.Threehourslater,he’dhadamassiveheartattackanddied.
Dr.HerrerahadassuredmetherewasnothingIcouldhavedone.YetI’dfeltlikeafailure.
Ihadn’tlostmanypatientsinmyshorttimeasadoctor.InatownthesizeofQuincy,wedidn’thavealotoftrauma,notlikehospitalsinbigcities.Thatmanhadbeenthethirdpatientofminetodie.
Therewerethreetallymarksatthebottomofmylockerdoor,notwrittenindryerase,butwithaSharpie.
Thatday,afterdrivinghome,I’dsatinthegarage,inthisJeep,andithadbeenmyturntocry.
Therewerenotearstonight.Maybethey’dcomeaftertheshockhadpassed.
Fosterhadalmostkissedme.
I’dalmostlethimkissme.
Ithadtakenyearsformetopickupthepiecesofmybrokenheart.ButI’dgatheredthemall,painstakinglystitchingthemtogetheragain.Myinstructorshadalwayscommendedmeonmysuturetechnique.
Yes,thereweretimeswhenI’dfeelthepinchofthoseoldwounds.Buttimehadhealed.Sohaddistraction.Medicalschoolhadbeenmysavior,followedbymyresidency.
ExcepthereIwas,dumbstruck,becauseanalmostkisshadleftmeunraveled.
Shouldn’tthisattractionhavefaded?Ifanything,itfeltmorepowerful.Moreurgent.Moredesperate.Themagnetismbetweenuswasaspotentasever.
He’dalmostkissedme.
AndI’dalmostlethim.
Whatwaswrongwithme?WhathadhappenedwithVivienne?Whyhadn’theforgottenme?
Thecuriositywasgnawingatme.Itwasgettingharderandhardernottotypehisnameintomyphonetoseethesearchresults.ButI’dheldoffforsevenyears.Iwouldn’tcave.Yet.
Fosterhadcometothehospitaltodayandpromisedanswers.God,Iwantedthoseanswers.Notknowingwaseatingmealive.AndyetwhenI’dhadthechancetonight,I’dbolted.OnelookatVivienne’sface,andpainhadsentmescurryingoutofthatgym.
MyphonerangandIjumped,knockingmylegintothesteeringwheel.Ipluckeditfromtheconsole’scupholder,Lyla’snameonthescreen.“Hey,”Ianswered.
“Hi.Whatareyoudoing?”
“Oh,nothing.”
Ihadn’ttoldheraboutFosteryet.MaybeIshouldhavefoundthetimeoverChristmas,butshe’dbeenswampedatthecoffeeshopandI’dbeenavoidingtheconversation.Witheveryone.
LylaknewI’ddatedamannamedFoster.Sheknewwe’dbrokenupmysenioryearofundergrad,butI’dledhertobelieveitwasbecauseofmymovetoSeattle.
She’dbepissedwhenshelearnedthewholestory.She’dbemadthatIhadn’tleanedonherafterhe’dbrokenmyheart.
ButIwasn’tlikeLyla.
Iweptaloneindarkgarages.Shewasn’tafraidtoshedahundredtearsinhercoffeeshop,eveniftherewereemployeesorcustomersaroundtowitnesshercry.LylasharedherlifedailyonInstagram.ThelastselfieI’dtakenhadbeenmonthsago.
Ifshehadacrushonaguy,mostofQuincyknewaboutitbeforethey’devenhadtheirfirstdate.ThelasttimeI’dgoneonadatehadbeenduringmylastyearofmedicalschoolwhenanotherguyintheprogramhadaskedmeout.I’dfakedastomachbuginthemiddleofdinnerwhenhe’dhintedatgoingbacktohisplaceafterdessert.
I’dtellLylaaboutFoster.Eventually.Justnottonight.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Iaskedher.
“Justgothomefromtheshop.”Lylayawned.“Iwantedtosayhi.”
“Hi.”Ismiledatmysister’svoice.“Wanttodosomethingthisweekend?I’mnotworkingoroncallforachange.”
“Sure.AslongasIcanbeinbedbynine.”
“I’llcometotheshoponSaturdayafternoon.Wecanhangoutuntilyouclose,thengotoKnucklesfordinner.I’llbuythewine.”
“Perfect.Seeyouthen.”
“Bye.”Saturday,I’dtellheraboutFoster.Probably.
Iclosedmyeyes.One.Two.Three.Four.Five.Garagetimeover.
Onalongsigh,IclimbedoutoftheJeepandtrudgedinside.IflippedonthelightsasImovedthroughthehouse,sheddingmycoatandshoesbeforeheadingtomybedroom.
ButIdidn’tstripoffmyscrubsanddumptheminthelaundrytotakeashower.InsteadIwalkedintomycloset,fishedthestepstoolfromthecornerandhefteddownthetoteIhadn’ttouchedsinceI’dmovedinthreeyearsago.
Isetitonthefloorinmybedroom,sittingnexttoitasIpoppedoffthelid.ThescentofplasticandpaperandstaleairfilledmynoseasIliftedoutmyhighschoolyearbooks.Beneaththemwasadisorganizedmessofphotosandmementos.
AtthetopofthepilewasaWickedprogramfromwhenI’dtakenMomtotheshowoneweekendinSeattle.She’dflownouttovisitmewhilethemusicalhadbeentravelingthroughthecity.BeneaththeprogramwasaseashellnecklacefrommyseniortriptoCabo.Therewasasilverdollarmygreat-unclehadgivenmebeforehe’ddied.
Iliftedouttheunorganizedclutterofphotos.Mostofthepictureswereold,takenbyMomorDadwhenIwasakid.
Therewasanenvelopefromtheone-hourphotoshopthathadclosedyearsagoonMain.Itwasaphotographystudionow,theownerspecializinginseniorportraitsandnewbornphotoshoots.She’dcometothehospitalafewmonthsagobecauseshe’dbeenhavingmigraines,soI’dwrittenheraprescription.
Everythinginthisbox,thepicturesortrinkets,waslinkedtoapersoninQuincy.
Exceptforasinglephoto,buriedatthebottomofthetub.
AphotoIshouldhavethrownoutsevenyearsagobuthadn’tbeenabletoletgo.
ItwasaphotoofFosterandmeatLakeMead.Viviennehadtakenitwiththedisposablewaterproofcamerashe’dbroughtalong—shehadn’twantedtoriskdroppingherphoneinthewater.
We’drentedpaddleboardsandspentanafternoononthewater.Fosterwassittingonhisboard,hislegsdanglinginthewater.Iwasstandingonmine,holdingmypaddlewithitsbladeinthewater.Myredbikiniwasnearlythesamecolorashisboardshorts.Vivihadteasedusforcoordinatingoutfits.
FosterandIweresmilingateachother.Talking.Ihadn’trealizedVivihadeventakenthepictureuntilshe’dgonetoaCVSandcomehomewithastackofpictures.Mosthadbeensceneryshots.TherewereafewofViviandmethatFosterhadtaken.AnothershothadbeenofFosterandmekissing.
ThoseI’dleftinascatteredpileonVivi’sfloorthedayI’dmovedout.I’dwantedhertohavetothrowthemaway.I’dwantedhertohavetocleanupthemessshe’dmade.
Butthisonehadn’tbeenwiththeothers.Ithadbeenstuckinanotebookinmybackpack,hiddenformetofindthedaybeforeIstartedattheUniversityofWashington.
MaybeIshouldhaverippeditup.ButI’dbeensorelievedthatthislittlepieceofhimhadsurvived.SoI’dtuckeditaway,burieditbeneaththetokensfrommychildhoodandhadn’tletmyselflookatitagain.
Knowingitwasherehadbeenenough.
Ipressedahandtomysternum,rubbingattheache.
We’dbeensoattachedtoeachother.Soaddicted
Fosterhadbeentrainingforafightandhisbodyhadbeenripped.We’dspentalotofthatsummerhiking,soakingupthesunandeachotherbeforeImovedtoSeattle.
He’dplannedtohelpmemove.Fosterhadinsistedhe’ddrivetheU-Haul,thenflybacktoVegasafterIwasunpacked.
Wehadn’treallytalkedabouthimmovingpermanently.I’dassumeditwouldhappenwhenhewasready.AfterI’dsettledintoschool.Longdistanceforafewmonthshadn’tworriedmeintheslightest.Wheneverthetopicwouldcomeup,he’dalwayssay,Don’tworry,love.We’llfigureitout.
SoIhadn’tworried.I’dhadthatmuchconfidenceinus
Untilhe’dcometotheapartmentonenight,stoodinmybedroomwiththeboxesI’dalreadypackedanddroppedthebomb.
Hecouldn’tbewithmeanymore,notwhenhehadfeelingsforVivienne.
Notwhenhewasgoingtomarryher.
Sometimes,Istillcouldn’tbelieveitwasreal.Evenafterallthistime.Evenafterhe’dmarriedher.
WasthatwhyI’dgonetothegymtonight?Becausedeepdown,Iwanted—needed—ittohavebeenalie?
ItwasbecauseofViviennethatI’devenmetFoster.She’dgrownupinVegas.We’dmetourfreshmanyearatUNLVbecausewe’dlivedinthesamedormandbothmajoredinbiology.
Herplanhadbeentoteach.Mine,medicalschool.
Mysophomoreyear,I’dmovedintoacondowithtwowomenfromthedorms,butI’dalwaysfeltlikethethirdwheel.Viviennehadbeeninasimilarsituation,soourjunioryear,we’dmovedintogether.
HerfatherownedagyminVegas,thetypewheretheytrainedboxersandmixedmartialartsfighters.OnedayVivienneconvincedmetotagalongwithherforaworkout.
IwalkedthroughthedoorandFosterwasinaring.Hewassparringwithanotherguy,bothdrippingsweat.Ididn’tnoticehimatfirst,toobusytakingintheplace.
ViviandIweretheonlywomeninthebuilding.
Thenatimerdingedandthefightintheringstopped.Fostertookthemouthguardfromhisteethandlaughed.Thenhissmiledriftedmydirectionandthatwasthebeginning.
Ittooktimeforustogettogether.Thereweremonthsofflirtingatthegymbeforeheaskedmeout.Butafterthatfirstkiss,hewasmine.Foroverayear,he’dbeenmine.
WhythehelldidIhavethispicture?I’dpositionedmyfingersonthetopedge,readytotearitinhalf,whenthedoorbellechoedthroughthehouse.
Idroppedthephotolikeitwasonfire.
Iscrambledtomyfeet,backingawayfromthatboxasthedoorbellrangagain
ItwasFoster.Andatthemoment,itfeltsafertoanswerthedoor,tofacehim,thantoholdthatphoto.ToknowIdidn’thavethestrengthtoripitinhalf.
SoIhurrieddownstairsandtothefrontdoor.
Hestoodwithhisarmscrossedandhisjawsetinthatadamantline.WhenIflippedthelockandturnedtheknob,hestrodeinsidebeforeIcouldobject,forcingmetoshufflebackwardashekickedthedoorclosedbehindhim.
“Foster—”
Hesilencedmebyinchingcloser.SocloseIhadtocranemynecktokeephisgaze.
“W-whatareyoudoing?”
“Didyoufeelit?Atthegym?”
“No.”
“You’restillahorribleliar.”Hebentlower,soclosethathisbreathcaressedmycheek.
Hishandtraileddownmyarm,andeventhroughthecottonofmyscrubtopandmylong-sleevedshirtbeneath,Ifelttingles.Itwaslikeasparkrunningalongafuse,movingfasterandfaster,untilitreachedthefireworkandboom
Fosterleanedincloser,hismouthawhisperfrommyown.
Whycouldn’tIpushhimaway?
“Feelthat?”hewhispered.
Feelit?Itwasburningmealive.
“Icameheretotalk.”Hereachedformyhair,touchingthesameplacehehadatthegym.
Mygazedroppedtohislips.
“Fuckit,”hegrowled,thenhismouthwasonmine,softandsuppleandexactlylikeIremembered.
Hesweptmeintohisarms,holdingmetightashistonguestrokedmybottomlipbeforeslidinginside.Thescrapeofhisbeardpooleddesireinmycore.
Thescentofhiscologneswirledaroundme,richandmasculine.Likefresh-cutcedarandleather.Histastewasanothermemory,Fosterwithahintofcinnamongum.
Hislipsmovedovermineasourtonguestangledinperfectunison.Hegroanedagainstmymouth,thevibrationsexyanddeepinhischest.Hisholdgrewtighter.
Fosterkissedmelikeourlivesdependedonit.
IkissedhimwitheverybitoffrustrationandlongingandheartbreakandhopeI’dkeptlockedaway.
God,whatwerewedoing?WhywasIsoweakwhenitcametothisman?ButIdidn’tstop.NotuntilIfelthisarousaldigintomyhip.
Itwastheturningpoint.Eitherweendedthiskiss.Orclotheswouldhitthefloor.
Itoremymouthawayandsquirmedtogetoutofhisarms.Wewerebothpanting,oureyeslocked.Hisgazesearchedmine,maybeforforgiveness.Thenhereachedforme,butIswattedhishandaway.
“Don’t.”
Hefroze.
Itookastepaway.“Don’tkissmeagain.”
“Talia—”
“Youneedtoleave.Please.”Myvoicecracked.“YouneedtoleaveQuincy.”
Hisjawclenched.“No.”
“Youpromisedyou’dleaveifIasked.”
“Youpromisedtohearmeout.”
Iraisedmychin.“AndwhatifIsaiditdidn’tmatter?It’sover,Foster.It’sbeenover.”
Hedraggedhisthumbacrosshiswetlowerlip.“Thatkisswasnotfromtwopeoplewhoareover.”
No,itwasn’t.Butitwasjustchemistry.Attraction.Thattoxicaddictionthathadruinedmeonce.“DidyoucheatonmewithVivienne?”
I’daskedhimthatquestionyearsago,thenighthe’ddumpedme.
“Never.”
I’dwantedsobadlytobelievehimthen.Iwantedsobadlytobelievehimnow.Istudiedhisface,searchingforthelie.ExceptIcouldn’tseeit.Ihadn’tseenityearsagoeither.
“Youdon’tbelieveme,doyou?”heasked.
“Ibelievedeverythingaboutyouonce.Thatchangedwhenyoumarriedmybestfriend.”
Foster’sjawclenchedasheshookhishead.“Youdon’tknowwhathappened.”
“Iwasthere.”Itossedoutahand.“Ilivedit.Nothingyousaywillchangethepast.Nothingyousaywillmakemeforgiveyou.”
Hegrittedhisteeth.“Nothing?Andyoucallmestubborn.Iforgothowinfuriatingyoucanbe.”
Myjawdropped.“Areyouturningthisaroundonme?”
“I’maskingyoutojustfuckinglisten.”
“AndI’maskingyoutoleave.Iguessneitherofusisgoingtogetwhatwewant.”
“Youwantmegone?Fine.I’mgone.”BeforeIcouldspeak,heturnedandyankedthedooropen.
Myheartcrackedasitslammedbehindhim.Thesilencethatfollowedwasdeafening.
I’daskedhimtogo.I’dwantedthis,right?
SowhydidIfeellikegoingtothegaragetocry?ROUND3
CHAPTERSEVENFOSTER
Iwasinashitmood.
“You’reinashitmood.”Jasper’svoicefilledthecabofmytruck.
“I’marayofgoddamnsunshinecomparedtoyesterday.”Orthedaybeforethat.Orthedaybeforethat.
InthethreedayssinceI’dstormedoutofTalia’shouse,I’dwornapermanentscowl.
“Takeitthingswithyourgirlaren’tgoingwell,”Jaspersaid.
“Somethinglikethat,”Imuttered.
I’dtoldherIwasleaving,butthathadbeenanangrydeclarationintheheatofthemoment.NowayinhellwasIleavingQuincy.NotafterallthatI’dbeenthroughjusttogethere.
Notafterthatkiss.
“Ipushedtoohard.”MyhandsrelaxedonthewheelasIdroveintotown.
ItwastherealizationI’dcometoafterfumingforthelastthreedays.I’dbulldozedintoTalia’slife,andinsteadofgivinghertimetoabsorbtheshock,I’djustappliedmorepressure.
Iwaspushingmyselfjustashardbecauseofwhatwascoming—ofwhowascoming.Thecalendarwasadvancingtoofast.
“She’sangry,”ItoldJasper.
“Can’tblameherforthat.”
No,Icouldn’tblameTalia.“I’vegottogethertorememberwhatwehad.”
“Howareyougoingtodothat?”
“HellifIknow.”Iscoffed.“Anyideas?”
“You’vegottobereallydesperateifyou’reaskingmeforadvicewithwomen.”
Ichuckled.“Thisistrue.”
JasperandIhadknowneachotherforyears.He’dstartedcomingtothegymaboutayearafterTaliahadleft.Hewasagoodfighterandsparringpartner,butwhereheexcelledwasintraining.NopersononearthpushedmethewayJasperpushed.Hiringhimhadbeenano-brainer.
Butwhenitcametowomen,Jasperwasmorethelove’emandleave’emtype.He’dbeenmarriedforashorttimeinhisearlytwenties,beforewe’dmet.Hedidn’ttalkabouthisex.Hedidn’ttalkaboutwhythey’dgottendivorced.Butwhateverhadhappenedhadmadehimshyawayfromanythingthatresembledarelationship.
Jasper’sbiggestcommitmentwastomycareer.
“How’sthegym?”Jasperasked.
“It’scomingalong.Theringshowedupthismorning.”Thedeliverycrewhadhauleditintotheopenspaceofthegymandsetitup.I’dordereditthedayI’dboughtthebuildingandhadpaidasmallfortunetohaveitexpedited,consideringtheirnormalturnaroundtimewasthreemonths.
Theopenspaceatthegymwasnowfilled.Thematshadshownupyesterdayalongwiththeheavybags.Thetreadmillwascomingtomorrow.Mylistofshittodowasdwindling.
Soon,I’dbeabletofocusonprepforthisfightinMarch.
“It’sonlybeenelevendays,”Jaspersaid.
“Really?”Eleven?Ididthemathinmyhead.“Seemslikelonger.”
“Probablybecauseyouhaven’tbeensleeping.AmIright?”
“Maybe.”
Sleephadbeenaluxury.Therewassimplytoomuchworktobedone.Buttheinteriorofthegymwasnowpainted.Goodbyeorangewall.I’dhauledawaytherestofthegarbageandthedumpsterwasnolongeroutfront.Theapartmentwasclearandwouldserveashomeforawhile.
I’dbustedmyasstogetitdoneintime.
“What’snext?”heasked.
Isighed,stoppingattheintersectionbeforeturningdownMainStreet.“Couplemoredaystofinishup.Ineedtocleanagain.Stockthefridge.”
Anewwasheranddryerhadbeeninstalledalongwiththerefrigerator.Thelackofsleep,thebackbreakingdays,hadbeenworthit.
“Theexteriorneedstoberepaintedandmostofthewindowswillhavetobereplacedsoonerratherthanlater.Butit’sgoodenoughuntilspring.”Iyawned.
“Getsomerest,”Jaspersaid.“You’renogoodtomeifyou’redeadonyourfeet.”
“Willdo,boss.Seeyousoon.”
“Bye.”
Jasperwouldbeherenextweek,readytowhipmyassintofightingshape.
Itossedmyphoneintothepassengerseat,thenpulledintoaparkingspaceoutsidethecoffeeshop.
Theskywasabrilliant,cloudlessblue.TheafternoonsunreflectedofftheChristmasgarlandsstrungabovetheroad.Twomen,eachonaladder,wereunwrappingthepine-bowgarlandstwinedaroundthelampposts.
Restaurants,officesandretailshopslinedbothsidesofMain.TheEloiseInn,thetallestbuildingintown,hadalargewreathonitsbrickfa?adethatwouldprobablycomedownsoon.Andatthejewelrystorenextdoortothecoffeeshop,awomanwasremovingtheredandgreenornamentsfromthewinterwonderlandsceneinherwindow.
I’dmisstheholidaydecorations.HopefullyI’dbeherenextyeartoseethemagain.
Aftershuttingoffthetruck,Ipushedoutsideandwashitbyablastofcool,pine-lacedmountainair.Mymoodinstantlyimproved.
“Niceday,isn’tit?”ThemanparkedbesidemytruckdippedhischinasheunlockedthedoortohisSUV.
“Sureis.”Inoddedback,thensteppedontothesidewalk,fillingmylungswiththatfreshairasIzippedmycoatuphigher.
Sunnyasitmightbe,itwasstilldamncold.Butatleasttheviewdidn’tdisappoint.IfIhadtogiveuptherockyandaridmountainsoftheMojave,Icouldn’tthinkofabetterreplacementthanthetoweringindigopeakswithwhitecapsthatsurroundedQuincy.
Thesnowhadbeenclearedfromthesidewalks,buteveryrooflinewascoveredinwhite.Itonlymadetheafternoonbrighter.
ItwashardtobegrumpyindowntownQuincy.
Akid’ssquealoflaughtercaughtmyear.Ifollowedthesoundtoafamiliarface.
ItwasthemanI’dseenatthehospitalwhenI’dcometosearchforTalia.He’dbeeninthelobbywithapregnantwoman,probablyhiswife.
Hecarriedalittleboywithrosycheeks.Bothwerewearingmatchingblackbeanies.
Theboyhadonapairofboots,snowpantsandabrightgreencoat.Hesquirmedtobesetdown,andthemomentthosebootshitthepavement,hewasoff,runningforthesamedestinationasmine.
EdenCoffee.
I’drunoutofcoffeeatthegym,andafteryawningforthetenthtimeinarow,I’ddecidedtoswingintotown.Butinsteadofthegrocerystore,I’dcomehere.Talia’ssisterhadahellofadisplaycaseofpastriesandmystomachgrowled.
Themansmiledathiskid,openingthedoorsotheycouldbothwalkinside.
Whowashe?Therewasmorefamiliarabouthimthanjusttherun-inatthehospital.
Istrodetowardthegreenbuilding.
EdenCoffeewaswritteningoldlettersontheshop’sdoor.Therewasabitoffrostandfogaroundtheedgesoftheblack-panedwindows.Achalkboardsandwichsignwasoutfrontandsomeonehadwrittenthedailyspecials—snickerdoodlelatteandacranberrybagel—inwhiteblockletters.
AromaticcoffeeandsweetvanillagreetedmewhenIwentinside,abelljinglingovermyhead.
ThefirsttimeI’dcomehere,whileI’dbeenstayingatTheEloise,I’dexpectedsomethingWestern.Rustic.Butthewallswerepaintedthesamegreenastheoutsideofthebuilding.Ithadatrendyandmodernvibe,notunlikeahipcafeyou’dfindinacity.Woodentablesandchairslinedthewalls,afewoccupiedthisafternoon.
Themanandthelittleboywereatthecounter.Thekidwaspressedagainsttheglassdisplaycase,hismittenskeepinghimfromleavingfingerprintsasthebeaniewaspluckedoffhishead,revealingastaticmessofblondhair.
Cutekid.
“Hey.”Lylarushedoutfromaroundtheback,roundingthecorner.Sheworeagreenapronwithadustingofflouronthefront.Thesameflourwasonhernose.
Eventhoughtheyweretwins,anyfoolcouldtellherandTaliaapart.
OrmaybeI’djustbeenafooloverTaliaforfartoolong.
“How’smylittleDraketoday?”Lylapickedupthekidandkissedhischeek.“WantAuntietomakeyousomethingspecial?”
Wait.Auntie?Sothatmanhadtobe—
Hell.HowcouldIhavemissedit?ThathadtobeTalia’sbrother.GriffinorKnox.I’dnevermeteitherofthembefore,butTaliahadshownmepicturesagesago.Excepthehadn’thadabeardinthephotos.They’dallbeenyounger.
ButhehadthesamedarkbrownhairasTalia.Andashesmiledathisson,thesamebrightblueeyescrinkled.HeresembledHarrisontoo.
MaybeIshouldhavehitthegrocerystore.Iwasn’tsureIhadtheenergytodealwithanangryolderbrother.
Exceptitwouldhappeneventually,soIsquaredmyshouldersandmovedawayfromthedoor.LasttimeI’dbeenin,Lylahadbeenbusy.I’donlyspokentotheguyforashortminuteatthehospital.
GuessIhadtoconsidermyselfluckythathehadn’tinterrogatedmethatday.Orpunchedmeintheface.ForwhatI’ddonetoTalia,Ideservedtwoblackeyes.
Butthiswasinevitable.Iwantedher,andI’dhavetoprovetoeveryoneIwasworthy.Thatthistimewasdifferent.Andsincethepastthreedayshadsucked,Imightaswelladdthison.
Mymoodcouldn’tgetalotworse.
Mybootsthuddedonthefloor,drawingattentionfromtheEdens.
Lylasmiledandhandedtheboy—Drake—tohisdad.“Hi.Welcomein.WhatcanIgetforyou?”
Therewasnothingbutanhonestquestioninhergaze.Noglareorcontempt.Nothingthatsaidshe’dbespittinginmycoffee.
Okay.“Americano,please.Double.”
“Forhereortogo?”
Igaveherasidewaysglance.Thatwasit?She’djusttakemyorder?“Uh…togo.”
“Yougotit.”Shenoddedandroundedthecounter,immediatelygettingtowork.
“You’reFosterMadden.”Themanshiftedthekidtoonesidesohecouldholdoutahand.“Isawyouatthehospitaltheotherday.”
“Yeah.”IbracedasIshookhishand.Herewego.
“KnoxEden.Nicetomeetyou.I’mafan.”
Afan?“Oh,um,thanks?”
“Watchedyourfightlastsummer.”Knoxchuckled.“Wasprettygladwhenyouwon.Couldn’tstandtheotherguy.”
ThefightwhereI’dknockedoutmyopponent,aloudmouthassholefromLA,inthefirstround.“Yeah,he’ssomething.”
“Didn’tseemtoteachhimmuch.Isawhiminaninterviewawhileback,stillrunninghismouthaboutarematch.”
Hewantedtotalkaboutthefight?Seriously?
“WhatbringsyoutoQuincy?”heasked.“You’reattheoldgymonLowerClarkForkRoad,right?”
Wait.Whatwashappening?
“Sorry.”Knoxmistookmyconfusion.“Small-towngossip.Someonenewmovestotown,everyonetalksaboutit.Youwerelookingformysister.Talia.”
Okay.Nowweweregettingintoit.“Yes,Iwas.”
“Didn’trealizeyoukneweachother.”
What.The.Fuck?
He’dheardaboutmethroughgossip?NotTalia.Small-towngossip.Hedidn’trealizeIknewhissister?Yeah,Iknewhissister.Shewastheloveofmygoddamnlife.
MyheadspunlikeI’dbeentheoneblindsidedwitharightcross.Knox,herbrother,hadnoideawhoIwasotherthanaprofessionalMMAfighter.
“College,”Isaid,summoningeveryounceofcalmtokeepfromseething.
“Here’syourcoffee.”Lylasetapapercupwithajacketonthecounter.“Anythingelse?”
“No,thanks.”Ipulledmywalletfrommypocketandhandedheratwenty.
HowcouldTalianothavetoldherfamilyaboutme?We’dbeentogetherforoverayear.She’dbeenthemostimportantpersoninmylife.EveryoneinmylifehadknownaboutTalia.Friends.Myparents.Arlo.
Butshehadn’ttoldherbrother?Hertwinsister?
Theyweren’tplayingdumb,werethey?
Taliahadpissedmeofftheothernight.She’dmademesodamnmadafterthatkiss.Butthis?Thiswasfury.Thisfuckinghurt.
HadIreallymeantsolittletoherthatshe’dkeptmeasecretfromhersiblings?
“Hereyougo.”Lylaheldoutmychange.
ThedoorjingledbehindmeasItookthebills.Ineededtogetthefuckoutofthisshop.GetthefuckawayfromanyonewiththelastnameEden.
Nottrustingmyselftospeak,Idroppedacouplebucksintohertipjar.ThenIpickedupmycoffee,raisingittoKnoxasafarewell.
“Seeyaaround,”hesaid.
Iturned,readytoescape,whenabeautifulfacestoppedmeinmytracks.
Taliastared,thoseblueeyeswide,astheydartedbetweenme,herbrotherandhersister.Noscrubstoday.Shewasinjeansandagraycoatwithatrimmingoffuratthehood.Herbootshitattheankleandshehadapairofthickcreamsocksbunchedabovethem.
Shewasdressedforwinter.Herhairtumbledinwavesoverhershoulders.Hercheekswerethesamepinkshadeasherlips.
Thewomanwhoheldmyheartinherhands.
Allthistime,I’dthoughtthereasonshehadn’tgottenmarriedwasbecausemaybe,justmaybe,I’dmeantenough.Enoughthatshe’drememberme.Enoughthatnomancouldcompare.
Exceptshehadn’tcaredenoughtoeventellherbrothermyname.
AhappywaileruptedfromDrakeandhesquirmedtobesetdown,thenrushedstraightforTalia’slegs.
Shepickedhimup,kissinghischeek.“Hi,buddy.”
Anotherday,anothertime,theimageofthemtogetherwouldhavemademesmile.ThatwaswhatI’dhopedforonce.Afamilywithher.
Excepttoday,Iwasinashitmood.
AndTaliawasthereason.
SoIdidn’tbotherwithahelloorevenatightsmile.Iwalkedaroundher,straightforthedoor.
ThecoldairsingedmynoseasImarchedformytruck.Ihadthekeysinmyhandwhenavoicecalledmyname.
“Foster.”
Islowed,grittedmyteethandfacedher.Goddamnthiswoman.EventhoughIwaspissed,justthesightofhermademyheartskip.
Herhandswerestuffedinhercoatpocketsasshestoppedonthesidewalk.“Ithoughtyouwereleaving.”
“I’mnot.”Iliftedmycoffeetomymouthandtookasip.
“Oh.”Taliadroppedhergazetoherboots.“Whatdidyoutellthem?”
“Who?Yourbrother?Notmuch.ButIguessthat’saboutallyoutoldhimtoo.”Therewasnohidingthefrustrationinmyvoice.Mybloodwasashotasthecoffeeinmyhand.“Hehasnoideaweweretogether,doeshe?DoesLyla?”
Sheswallowedhard.“KnoxknowsIwasdatingsomeoneincollegeandthatitdidn’tworkout.”
“Someone.”Iwasjustasomeone.IhadtoforcemyselftorelaxmyhandbeforeIcrushedthecupinmyfist.“Youdidn’teventellhimmyfuckingname.”
“ItoldLyla.Andmyparents.”
“Right.Forgotaboutyourdad.AtleastheknowsenoughtocometothegymandbustmyassforshowingupinQuincy.”
“What?When?”
“Doesitmatter?Youmadesuretotellhimthebad.Butyoudidn’tbothertosharethegood.”
Theyearwe’dbeentogetherhadbeenthebesttimeofmylife.I’dcherishedeverymemory.I’dreplayedcountlessmoments.Justtokeepherclose.Tomakesurethatshewasalwaysfrontofmind.
Maybeshe’dspenttheseyearsonlyreplayingtheend.
Myfault.Itwasmyfault.Butfuck,ithurt.
“Wereyouashamedofme?”BecauseI’dbeenpoor.Uneducated.BecauseI’dusedmyfiststomakealiving.
“What?No.”
Iwantedtobelieveher.“Thenwhy?”
Shehesitated.“It’scomplicated.”
“Yeah,”Imuttered.“Iguessitis.”
IleftTaliaonthesidewalkandclimbedintomytruck.IttookeffortnottoglanceatherasIdroveaway.
“Fuck.”IpoundedafistonthewheelasIturnedoffMain.
Damnit,IwishedJasperwerehere.Becausetoday,whatIneededmorethananythingwasafight.Anythingtonumbthepainanddistractmyselffromreality.
Iwaslosingher.Iwaslosingheralloveragain.
Ormaybeshehadn’tbeenminetobeginwith.CHAPTEREIGHTTALIA
Fosterwasmad.WhenIstackedoursinsagainsteachother’s,hisoutweighedminetenfold.Hedidn’tgettobemad.Sowhywouldn’tthisguiltgoaway?Ithadbeenplaguingmeforthreedays.
“Okay,spill,”Lylasaidthemomentsheflippedthelockonthecoffeeshop’sfrontdoor.“Whowasthatsmokinghotguyearlier?”
“Someonefromthepast.”Isighed,toyingwiththeragI’dbeenusingtowipedowntables.“It’scomplicated.”
ThesameexplanationI’dgivenFosteronthesidewalkearlier.Itsoundedjustastriteandpatheticasithadthefirsttime.
“Youdon’twanttotalkaboutit,doyou?”Shewalkedtothetable,takingoneofthechairsandturningitupontothetable.
“Notreally.”
Shefrownedbutdidn’thoundmefordetailsasweworkedinsilencetoclosetheshop.
Ifinishedwipingdowntablesandturningupthechairswhilesheworkedbehindthecounter,cleaningtheespressomachineandhaulingtheunsoldpastriestotherefrigerators.
Thelightbeyondthewindowsfadedfastuntildarknesshadsettledandtheglowshiningthroughtheglasswasfromthedowntownstreetlights.
LylacleanedthekitchenasIsweptandmoppedthefloor,thetwoofusmakingshortworkoftheclosingroutine.
PartofmeenviedLylaforowningthisshop.Shesetherownhours.Herchoiceswereherown.TherewasfreedomhereI’dneverhaveasadoctor.NotthatIcouldimaginedoinganythingelsewithmylife.Butitmadetimeslikethisspecial.InevercomplainedaboutcleaningthecoffeeshoporfoldinglinensatTheEloiseorwashingdishesatKnucklesormovingcowsattheranch.
Myfamilywasfullofentrepreneursandhadbeenforgenerations.Theranchwasthebiggestenterprise,buttheEdennamewassplashedallaroundtown.Ifwedidn’tcurrentlyownagivenbusiness,chanceswere,oneofourrelativeshadinthepast.
InrecentyearsMomandDadhadpushedhardtoretirebysellingsomeoftheirinvestments.Givingeachofuskidstheoptiontostepin.
OnlyMateoandIhadn’ttakenoverabusiness.Myyoungestbrotherwasflyingplanesatthemoment,butIhopedhe’dfindhiswayback.
Montanahadawayoftuggingushome.
I’dmadethedecisiontolivemylifehere,besidemyparents,siblings,grandparents,aunts,unclesandcousins.
AndnowFoster.
HewasstayinginQuincy.IrefusedtoacknowledgethereliefI’dfeltwhenhe’dtoldmehewasn’tleaving.Ialsowasn’tlettingmyselfpicturethehurtonhisfacewhenhe’daskedmeifI’dbeenashamed.
Never.I’dneveroncefeltashamedoflovingFoster.ButIshouldhavetoldeveryoneabouthim.Ishouldhavebeenhonestaboutourbreakup.
Lylacameoutofthekitchenwithatowelinherhand.“I’mdoneinthekitchen.Whatelseneedstobefinishedouthere?”
“Nothing.”Butinsteadofpickingupmycoatsowecouldgotodinner,Iturnedoveroneofthechairsandslumpedintheseat.“Thatguy?That’sFoster.ThemanIdatedmysenioryearofundergrad.”
“Really?”Lylaroundedthecounter,takingdownanotherchairtositatmyside.“Iwasbusyanddidn’tcatchhisnamewhenhewastalkingtoKnox.He’sgorgeous.”
“Iknow.”Igroaned.Fosterhadonlygottensexierwithage.Thiswouldbesomucheasierifheweren’tstillthehandsomestmanI’deverseen.
“Whyishehere?Thinkhewantstorekindlethings?”
“He’shere…”Forme.Tomakeamends.Totalk.Maybetoseekforgiveness.Hehadn’tcomeoutandsaidhewantedtotryagain,butthatkisstheothernightwasimpossibletoignore.“It’samess.”
“Youbrokeupbecauseyoumoved,right?”sheasked.“Ifhe’slivinghere,maybethetimingwillberightthistime.”
“Hebrokeme,”Iwhispered.
“Whatdoyoumeanhebrokeyou?”Shesatupstraighter.“Whathappened?”
Thestoryofourrelationshiprushedfrommymouth,likeithadbeenwaitingyearstobefreed.BythetimeIwasdone,therewasasmuchhurtonLyla’sfaceastherehadbeenonFoster’searlier.
“Younevertoldmeanyofthis,”shesaid.
“It’snotexactlyeasydiscussinghowyourboyfriendmarriedyourbestfriend.”
“Collegeroommate,”shecorrected.LylahadalwaysreferredtoVivienneasmyroommate,notmybestfriend,becausethattitleshe’dclaimedinthewomb.“Igetthatit’snoteasytotalkabout,butyoushouldhavetoldme.”
“I’msorry.”
“Knoxdidn’tknowaboutFostereither.Doesanyone?”
“Daddoes.Fosterwassupposedtohelpmemove,butafterthebreakup,planschanged.DadcametohelpmewiththeU-Haul.Iwasprettyupset.Heknowswhathappenedandyouknowhedoesn’tkeepsecretsfromMom.”
“Unlikeyou.”Lylascoffed.“I’mmadatyou.”
“You’renotalone,”Imuttered.
“Wedon’tkeepstufflikethisfromeachother.”Sheflewoutofherchair,swipingacanofglasscleanerandaragfromthecounter.Shewenttoworkonthedisplaycase—thedisplaycaseI’dalreadycleaned—erasinginvisiblefingerprintsandsmudgesuntiltheglasssqueaked.
“I’msorry,Lyla.”
Shewhirled,eyesblazing.“Itellyoueverything.You’renotjustmysister,you’remybestfriend.Youhelpmethroughthebaddays.Youdidn’tevengivemethechancetobethereduringyours.”
“I’m—”
“Shush.I’monaroll.”Shestartedpacing.“You’rebrilliant.You’reanincredibledoctorandyouhelpsomanypeople.Butyousuckatlettinganyonehelpyou.Woulditbesohardtonotbeperfect?”
Ouch.“I’mnotperfect.Farfromit.”
“Iknowyou’renotperfect.Youcan’tcookworthadamn.Notthatyou’deveradmitit.Notthatyou’deveradmithowyou’rereallyfeeling.Hereyouare,afterworkingallweekatthehospital,cleaningmycoffeeshop.”
“Idon’tmind.”
“That’snotthepointandstopinterruptingme.”Sheheldupafinger.“Idon’tneedyoutohelpmeclean.ButIknowyouwantto,soIletyou.Getthedifference?”
Ikeptmymouthshut.
“Thatwasarealquestionyouhavetoanswer.”
“Yes.”Asmiletuggedatmymouth.“IshouldhavetoldyouaboutFosteralongtimeago.Ipromisetotellyouthenexttimeamanbreaksmyheart.”NotonlybecauseIshouldleanonmysister,butbecauseitwasimportanttoLylathatshebegiventhechancetoshowuponmybaddays.
“Thankyou.”Shegaveasinglenod.“SowhatareyougoingtodoaboutFoster?”
“Ignorehim?”
Shelaughed.“Asinglewomandoesnotignoreamanwholookslikethat.”
“God.”Idroppedmyfaceintomyhands.“Idon’tknow.Idon’tknow.Hekissedmethreedaysago,andIcan’tstopthinkingaboutit.”
“Good?”
“Rememberwhenwewerefifteenandyougotyourfirstkiss?”
Lylawalkedtoherchair,takingaseatwithadreamysmile.“JasonPalmer.”
“Imadeyoutellmeeverysingledetailthatnight.”We’dsnuckouttothebarnsothatnoonewouldhearustalk.I’dbeencuriousandexcitedandalittlebitjealous.Lylahadalwaysbeenmoredaringwithboys.“Youtoldmeitwasbetterthanrainbows.”
“Idoloverainbows.”Shegavemeasadsmile.“ThiskisswithFosterwasn’tjustgood.”
“Itwasbetterthanrainbows.”
“Ohboy.Asyoursister,I’mobligatedtohatehimforwhathedidtoyou.Butasyourbestfriend,Iwillsupportyouinwhateveryoudecide.Whatareyougoingtodo?”
“Askhimtoleave?”Ishrugged.“Ican’t.It’stoolate.”
Lylareachedover,placingherhandovermine.“Toolateforrainbows?”
“Therainbowsdisappearedinthestorm.”ThestormofFosterandVivienne.
“Thenmaybeyoucangetsomeclosure.Hewantstoexplain.What’stheharminlettinghimtry?”
Theharm?ThatI’dfallforhim.Andhe’dbreakmeagain.
Wesattogetherinsilenceforafewmoments,untilIstoodandputmychaironthetable.Thentogether,wewalkedtoKnucklesandateaquietdinner.WhenLylastartedtoyawnthroughdessert,Isignaledforthecheck.
“Iloveyou,”Isaid,givingherahugaswestoodbetweenmyJeepandhercarinthealleybehindthecoffeeshop.
“Iloveyoutoo.Goodnight.”
“Night.”
LyladroveinonedirectiononMainasIturnedtheother.ExceptwhenIreachedthestreetthatledtomyneighborhood,IkeptgoingstraightuntilIfoundmyselfonLowerClarkForkRoad,followingthedarkcurveoftheriveroutoftown.
MaybeLylawasright.MaybeIneededclosurewithFoster.Maybethenthepainandfrustrationwouldgoaway.MaybethenIcouldtrulyforget.
Anddamnit,Ihadafewthingstosaymyself.
Fosterwasmadatme.Buthedidn’tgettobemad.
Witheverymile,myheartraced.Myownangerblossomeduntilmygriponthesteeringwheelwaspunishing.Thelightsinsidethegymstreamedthroughthewindowsintothenight.Iparked,hoppedoutoftheJeepandhurriedinside,notgivingmyselfachancetosecond-guessthisvisit.Tocoolmyemotions.
HeatblastedmeinthefaceasIsteppedinside.
Thegymwasnothinglikeithadbeenearlierintheweek.Inthecenterofthespacewasanelevatedboxingring.Thematsandskirtaroundthebasewereabrightblue.Blackropesstretchedfromcornertocorner.Andinitscenter,wearingnothingbutapairofshorts,wasFoster.
Hisbody,thosecutmuscles,glistenedwithsweat.Hischestheavedwithlaboredbreaths.
Desirepooledbetweenmylegs.Mycoreclenched.Fuck.Comingheretonightwasamistake.Hewastootempting.
Watchinghimtrainhadalwaysbeensuchaturn-on.Duringhisfights,I’dsitontheedgeofmyseat,hopingthathe’dwin.Panickedthathe’dlose.
Butonthenightshewon—whichwasmostofthetime—wedidn’tmakeitoutoftheparkinglotbeforeIdraggedhimintothebackseatofhistruckandtorehisclothesoff.
“Whatdoyouwant,Talia?”Foster’svoiceheldarazor-sharpedge.
Iwantedtolookathimandfeelnothing.Iwantedtobeabletoripthatphotoofusinahundredpieces.Iwantedtosleepatnightandnothavehisfacehauntmydreams.
Iwantedhimtostopbeingmadatme,becausedamnit,hedidn’tgettobemadatme.
Headingforthering,Iclimbeditsedge.ThenIbentandslippedbetweentheropes,marchingstraightintohisspace.
“Youdon’tgettobemadatme.”Ipokedafingerintohisbarechestandwasmetwithnothingbutsolidmuscle.
Heglancedatmybootsandtheflecksofsnowthathadmadetheirwayinside.Hisjawclenched.“Takeyourshoesoff.Thisisabrand-newfuckingring.”
Mynostrilsflared,butIbent,peelingoffoneboottothrowovertheropesfollowedbytheother.Theyeachlandedwithathudontheconcretefloor.Iwasalittleshorterwithouttheboots,soIstoodonmytoesandpokedhimagain.“Youdidthis.Notme.Soyoudon’tgettobemadatme.”
“Youdidn’tbothertellingyourfamilyaboutme.”Heplantedhishandsonhisnarrowhips.“Weweretogetherforayear.Admitit.YouwereworriedaboutwhatDaddywouldsaywhenyoubroughthomeaguylikeme.”
“Oh,fuckyou.”Islammedbothhandsintohispecs,pushingashardasIcould.Hedidn’tevenrockonhisheels.“Howcanyousaythattome?HowcanyouthinkI’dbeashamed?FuckyouforthinkingIevercaredaboutmoney.”
“Becauseyouhadit!”Hethrewouthisarms.“Youfuckinghidme,Talia.Youhidme.”
“Ilovedyou.”Ipushedhimagain,givingitmyfullweight.“Iwastwenty-oneyearsold,livinginLasVegas,athousandmilesfromhome.Myparentsknewyourname.EveryoneknewIwasdatingaguy.Butno,Ididn’tgetintothedetailsofmylovelifewithmybrothers.”
“Excuses,Talia.Whataboutyoursister?”
“Sheknewenough.Ididn’tknowwhatwasgoingtohappentous.Idon’tknowwhyIdidn’ttellher,okay?Itwasn’ttohurtyou.Ortohideyou.Iwasleavingandwenevertalkedaboutit.”
“Wetalkedaboutit.”
“Oh,really?When?IwasmovingtoSeattleandallyoueversaidwas‘We’llfigureitout.’”Itossedthoseairquotesinhisface.
“Wewouldhavefigureditout.”
“WasthatbeforeorafteryoumarriedVivienne?”ThistimewhenIpushed,Igaveitallmyweight.Igaveitsevenyears’worthofangerandheartbreak.Andthistime,hehadtotakeastepbacktokeephisbalance.
“Ilovedyoufor437days.”Ididn’tgivehimspace.Icrowdedhim,makingafist.“Oneyear,twomonthsandelevendays.”
IthadbeenalongdamntimesinceI’dthrownapunch.Butwewereinafightingring.Anddamnit,Iwantedthisfight.SoIthrewajabathisnose.
Heblockeditwithaflickofhiswrist.“Whatthefuck?”
“Ithoughtyousaidyouhadafightcomingup.”Ithrewanotherjab,themusclesinmyarmtensing.“Youwantedmyhelp,right?Well,hereyougo.”
“Talia,knockthisshitoff.”
“No.”ThistimeIthrewapunchwithmyrightarm,aimingforhiskidney.
Heknockeditawaywithhiselbow,backingawayandaroundthering.
ButIjustkeptfollowing,throwingpointlesspunchesthatneverlandedagainsthisskin.
“IhateyouforchoosingVivienne.”Anotherpunch.
“IhateyoufornotlovingmethewayIlovedyou.”Thenanotherpunch.
“Ihateyouforbeingsofuckinghardtoforget.”AteardrippeddownmycheekasIthrewthenextpunch.MyeyesfloodedandFosterwasblurrybutIjustkeptonswinging.“Ashamedofyou?Iwouldhavedoneanythingforyou.”
“Talia,stop.”HegrabbedmyhandbutIyankeditfree,andthistimewhenIthrewmypunch,uncontrolledandviciousandwithallmymight,heletitcollidewithhischest.
Painexplodedthroughmyhand,myknucklesaching.“Sonofabitch.”
“Shit.”Fosterseizedit,completelyunfazedthatI’dhithimashardaspossible,andpeeledmyfingersback,inspectingmyhand.
“It’sfine.”Irippeditaway,retreatingtotheothersideoftheringandturningmybacktohimasIshookoutmyknuckles.Oncethepainfaded,Isniffledandwipedmyeyesdry.
Nice,Talia.I’djustcompletelylostmymind.
Ituggedontheropes,readytomakeanescape,butFoster’shandclosedaroundmyelbow,stoppingme.
“Tally,I’msorry.”Itwasassincereashisotherapologies.Littlebylittle,theyweresneakingtheirwayinside.
“Iwasneverashamedofyou,”Iwhispered.“Never.”
Fosterhadn’ttalkedmuchabouthischildhoodwhilewe’dbeentogether.He’dtakenmetomeethisparentsatlunchonceandthey’dbothseemednice.Butwehadn’tgonetohisparents’house.Wehadn’tspentmuchtimeatFoster’sapartmentbecauseithadbeeninaroughneighborhood.
“Willyoulookatme?”heasked.
Idraggedinashakybreathandturned.Asmallblockofblacklettersraninaverticallinealonghisribs.Earlier,I’dbeentoobusygawkingtonoticethem.ThenI’dbeentoobusypunching.
Butnow,therewasnomissingthem.
GARNETFLATS
“Whatisthat?”Ipointedtothewords,meetinghisgaze.“Whydoyouhavethattattoo?”
Itwastheonlyinkonhisbody.
Heclosedhiseyesforalongmoment,hisshouldersslumping.“Youtoldmeoncethatyourgreat-grandmotherlovedtohuntforgarnets.”
“Great-great-grandmother,”Icorrected.
She,alongwithmygreat-great-grandfather,hadfoundedQuincy.Ourfamilyhadlivedhereeversince.Peoplejokedthatyoucouldn’tthrowarockdownMainwithouthittinganEden.
Itwasn’tentirelyinaccurate.
PeoplecalledourimmediatefamilyQuincyroyalty—eitherinjestorjealousy.Ireallyhatedthatterm.Wewerejustpeoplewholovedthistownenoughtostayandbuildourlivesinthecommunity.Wewereafamilywhocherishedourrootsandourstories,likemygreat-great-grandmother’s.
She’dlovedhuntingforgarnets.Bythetimeshe’ddied,she’damassedquitethecollection.Mosthadbeenturnedintojewelry,handeddownthroughgenerations.Ihadapairofgarnetstudearrings.LylaandEloiseeachhadnecklaces.
GarnetFlatswastheareaontheranchwhereshe’dfoundmostofhergarnets—hencethename.Dadusedtotakemetheretohuntformyowninthesummers.Momwouldpackusapicniclunchandwe’dhaveadaddy-daughterdate.I’dneverfoundagemstoneofmyown,butthatspothadbecomemyspecialplace.
IthadbeenoneofmanystoriesI’dtoldFosteraboutQuincy.Abouttheranch.He’dalwaysseemedfascinatedbymyMontanahome,sayinghowhecouldn’twaittoseeitforhimself.
Hewasherenow.
Andmyspecialplacewasinkedonhisskin.
“I’veneverheardanyonedescribeaplacethewayyoutalkedaboutit,”hesaid.“Icouldclosemyeyesandbethere,standingwithyouinthemeadows.Icouldseethemountainsandsmellthetrees.Icouldpicturethehouseyouwantedtobuild.Thelifeyouwantedtolive.”
“Whyisittattooedonyourbody?”
“Asareminder.”
“Ofwhat?”
Hegavemeasadsmile.“OfwhatIlost.”
Thetearscameback.
“Yourdreamsweremydreams,Tally.IlostthemwhenIlostyou.”Hehookedafingerundermychin.“DidIloseyou?”
Yes.Itshouldhavebeenaneasyanswer.He’dchosenVivienne.Sowhycouldn’tIsayit?Whycouldn’tIwalkaway?
Hiseyessearchedmineashetoweredoverme,leaningcloserandcloser.Andjustliketheothernight,Ididn’tpushhimaway.
Iwantedrainbows.
Foster’slipsbrushedmine.Awhisperofatouchthatignitedafireinmyveins.
Iliftedonmytoes,throwingahandaroundhisnecktotughimforward.
Hedidn’thesitate.Hisarmswrappedaroundmeashehauledmeoffmyfeet,pinningmetohischest.
Onesweepofhistongueandtheworldoutsidethisringvanished.Theworlddidn’texist.Thepastwasahaze.Mylegswrappedaroundhiswaist,lockingustogether.
Heslantedhismouthovermine,histonguedelvingdeeptotanglewithmyown,andImeltedintotheoblivion.Itwasrainbowsandstarsandasymphonyofdesire.Hislipswereheaven,softbutfirm.Histeethnippedandhesuckedwithjusttherightamountofpressuretomakemewhimper.
Hishandsdriftedtomyass,hoistingmehigheruntilmyfacewasabovehisandmyhairdrapedaroundus.Thenwedropped,Fostersinkingtohisknees.Hisholddidn’tfalter.Hislipsdidn’tbreakfrommineuntilhewasrestingonhisheelsandIwassittingonhisthighs.
“Fuck,Tally.”Heshovedatmycoat,strippingitoffmyshoulders.
Ishookoutmyarms,frantictogetitoff.Thenhepulledatthehemofmysweater,draggingitupuntilitwaswhippedoffmyheadandsailingacrossthespace.
Theheatofhisskinpressedintomineashismouthlatchedontomyneck,suckingandkissingwhilemyhandsroamedhisskin,tracingthehonedmuscleofhisshouldersandchest.Hishandssplayedovermyspine,thestrengthofhisbodyenvelopingmine.
He’dchangedovertheyears.He’dgottenstronger,bulkier,transformingfromastrongyoungmantothisAdonis.Foster’sbodywashonedforsinandsex.
“More,”Igaspedashisfingerspulleddownthestrapsofmybra.
Fosterleanedforward,takingmedownuntilmybackwasagainstthemats.Hehoveredoverme,hislipsleavingatrailacrossmyskinashepepperedkissesalongmyjawanddownmyneck.
Myfingersthreadedthroughhishairashemovedtomybreasts.Thewetheatfromhismouthseepedthroughthelacecupsofmybraashesuckedanippleintohismouth.
“Oh,God.”WhatthehellwasIdoing?Whofuckingcared?
Lylacouldkeepherrainbows.Iwantedthis.
Fireworks.
Myentirebodywasreadytocombust.
“Saymyname,”hegrowledagainstmyskinashekisseddownmybellytothehemofmypants.
“Foster,”Ibreathed.
“Goodgirl.”
Iliftedmyhipsashewrenchedopenthebuttonandyankeddownthezipper.Thenhedraggedthedenimdownmylegs,strippingmyjeansandsocks,leavingmeinnothingbutmybraandpanties.
Wewereafrenzy,desperatetostriptheremainingpiecesfree.Iworkedmybrawhilehepulleddownhisshortsandtheboxerbriefsbelow.BeforeIcouldshimmyoutofmypanties,herippedthemfrommybody,tossingthetornlaceoverhisshoulder.
Thenheclaimedmymouthoncemorewhilehisarousalthrobbedagainstmydrenchedcore.Noforeplay.Neitherofusneededanythingmorethanourmouthsfused,tonguestwisting.
Fosterreachedbetweenus,draggingthetipofhiscockagainstmyclitandsendingashudderthroughmybodybeforehepositionedhimselfatmyentranceandthrustinside.
Icriedintohismouth,savoringthestretch.Thewinceofpainfromhissize.Thepleasurethatcamewhenheinchedhishugecockindeeper.
“Fuck,Talia,”hegroanedagainstmylips.
“Move.”Iwrappedmylegsaroundhim,clingingtohisshoulders.
Hepulledoutandrockedustogether,findingarhythmthatstolemybreath.Thesteadypoundingofhishipsagainstminesentmebarrelingtowardtheedge.Thesoundofourpoundingheartbeatsanderraticbreathsfilledtheemptyspace.
Fosterleveragedthepowerfromhisbody,notholdinganythingbackashemovedinsideme,becausewe’dbothalwayslikedtofuckhard.Hishandcaressedmyass,driftingalongthecurveofmythighuntilhereachedmyknee.ThenhepushedawayfromwhereI’dhaditwrappedaroundhiship.Heliftedithigher,nearlytomyshoulder.TheanglesenthimsodeepIgasped.
Fosterhadlearnedmybody’ssecretsalongtimeagoandthemanhadagreatmemory.
“Youfeelthis?”Hethrustforwardandstopped,therootofhiscockpressingagainstmyclit.
“Foster.”Iclawedathisshoulders,mybackarchingoffthemat.
Hepulledoutonlytoslaminsideagain.“Doyoufeelthis,Talia?”
Mylegsbegantotremble.Thebuildwascoming,mybreathcatching.
“Answerme.”Hechangedhispace,bringingustogetherinaslowthrust.Agonizinglyslow.“Doyoufeelthis?”
Notthechemistry.Notthelust.Notthefireworks.
Theimpossibleemotion,buriedbeneathitall,thatIrefusedtoname.
“Doyou—”
“Yes,”Iwhispered.Yes,Ifeltit.
Foster’slipsfoundmineforanotherkiss,histongueplundering,hiscockhittingthatsweetspotinside,untilstarsbrokeacrossmyeyesandIcameapart,shatteringintoathousandpieces,cryinghisname.MyorgasmtriggeredhisownandhecameonaroarasIpulsedandclenchedaroundhislength.
Ittookminutes,hours,tofloatbacktoearth.MaybebecauseIclungtohazeandpleasure,knowingrealitywasgoingtosting.Fosterheldmetightuntilthesweatfromourbodieshadcooledandherolledoffme,collapsingintoabonelessheapatmyside.
Thelightfromthefireworksfaded.
Therainbowdisappeared.
Isqueezedmyeyesclosed,notwantingtoseemystrewnclothesorthetornpantiesontheothersideofthering.Theyweretheevidenceofmyweakness.
ButIcouldn’tstayonthismatforever,soIshovedtomyfeetandcollectedmyjeans,draggingthemupmylegs.Istuffedmysocksandbraintoapocketandtuggedonmysweater.ThenIclimbedoutoftheringtoputonmybootsandcoat.
“Talia.”Fosterhadn’tmovedfromwherehelayinthering,naked.Heopenedhiseyes,turninghisheadtostopmewiththatstormybluegaze.“DidIloseyou?”
“YoulostthewomanIwas.”
“Andthewomanyouarenow?”
IwishedIhadananswer.Ididn’t.SoIlefthimintheringanddrovehome.Andratherthancryinmygarage,Iletthetearsfallintheshowerinstead.CHAPTERNINEFOSTER
Januaryfirst.Anewyear.Afreshstart.
Andforthefirsttimeinalongtime,Iwasbeginningayearasmyownman.
UnlessTaliawouldhaveme.ThenI’dbehersuntiltheendofmydays.
I’dgivenheryesterdaytothinkaboutSaturdaynight.I’dtakenthattimetothinkaboutittoo.We’dalwaysbeencombustibletogether.Andfuck,ithadfeltgoodtolosemyselfinherbody.Tofeelherpulsearoundme.Toseethatdesireinhereyes.Tohearhersaymynameasshedetonated.
Myhopeswereup.Thechancesofforgivenesswereslim,yetstill…
Ihopedwithabandon.
TaliahadsaidI’dlostthewomanshe’dbeen.Well,Isureashellwasn’tgoingtoloseheragain.NotifIcouldhelpit.
SoI’dbeginthisyearwithhonesty.Withaconfessionthatwaslongoverdue
I’dspentmostofmydayatthegym,cleaningandbustingmyasstoputthefinishingtouchesontheplace.Thelastoftheequipmentwassetup,andI’dmanagedtosqueezeinadecentworkout.
ThenI’dcomeintotownthisafternoonforgroceries,drivingbythehospitalonmywayhometoseeifTaliawasworking.HerJeephadbeeninitsregularparkingspace,meaningI’dhadmoretimetokill.ItwasthefirsttimeinmylifeI’dbeengladforthelaundry.
Thesunhadsethoursago.Thewaitinghadbeenagonyandithadfinallydrivenmeoutofmyhouseandintotown.ToTalia’s.
MystomachwasinaknotasIparkedoutsideherhouse.Thelightswereoninside,castingaglowontohersnow-coveredlawn.We’dgottenaflurrythismorningandhersidewalkwasdustedinwhite.
Inthecornerofherporchwasablueshovel,soIgotoutofmytruck,zippedmycoathigherandgottowork.ThescrapeoftheshovelfilledthecolddarknightasIdelayedforafewmoreminutes.
AsIgavemyselfjustabitlongertohope.
Iwasonthelastporchstairwhenthedooropened.Taliastoodonthethreshold,nomakeup,herhairdamp—flawless—anddressedlikeshehadbeenonmyfirstnightinQuincy.Leggings.Andanoversizedsweatshirt.
AUNLVhoodie.
Ihadonetomatch.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Shewrappedherarmsaroundherwaist.
“Clearingyoursidewalk.”Isettheshovelasideandsurveyedmywork.“Itprobablytookmetwiceaslongasitwouldhavetakenyou.”
“It’sgreat.Thanksfordoingitforme.”
“You’rewelcome.SupposeI’llgetmorepracticelivinginMontana.”
IwaitedforhertocontradictmeortoargueanddemandIleaveQuincy.Butshestayedquiet.MaybeafterSaturdaynight,sherealizednowwhyIwouldn’tleave.
Mybreathbillowedaswestaredatoneanother.Therewereathousandunspokenwordsbetweenus,sothicktheywereacloudoftheirown.
“Abouttheothernight—”
Shewaveditoff.“Wedon’thavetotalkaboutit.”
“Wedo.Ididn’twearacondom.”NotthatI’dhadonetofind.Ihadn’tneededcondomsinalongdamntime.
“I’monbirthcontrol.”
“’Kay.”Therewasahintofdisappointmentinmyvoice.AbabywithTaliawouldn’thavebeenanunwelcomesurprise.“I,um…haven’tbeenwithanyoneinawhile.”ThefactthatI’dmanagedtolastmorethanfivesecondshadbeenagoddamnmiracle.BeinginsideTalia’sbodywasheavenonearth.
“Becauseofyourdivorce.Right.”
“Somethinglikethat,”Imuttered.No,ithadn’tbeenbecauseofthedivorce.Butthatclarificationwouldcomelater.“Gonnamakemestandouthereallnight?It’snotexactlywarm.”
“Youcancomein,butonlybecauseifyougethypothermia,I’llbetheonetotreatyou.I’vespentenoughtimeatthehospitaltodayandIhaveatwelve-hourshifttomorrow.”
Ilaughed,expectingtoseeasmileonherfacetoo.Butshelookedlikeshe’djuststubbedhertoe.“What?”
“Don’tlaugh.”
Mygrinfaltered.“Why?”
“BecauseIlikeit.”Taliashiftedsidewaysandmotionedformetostepinside.
Assheclosedthedoor,Itoedoffmybootsandstrippedoutofmycoat,hangingitonahookintheentryway.ThenIfollowedherdeeperintothehouse,drawinginalongbreathofherscent.Coconutandcitrus.
I’dgonetosleepahappymanonSaturdaynightbecauseI’dhadthatsmellonmyskin.Thankfuckshehadn’tchangedhersoapovertheyears.Iwouldhavemissedit.
“Greatplace,”Isaidasweenteredthelivingroom.
“Thankyou.”
Herhousewascharmingandcozy.Thewallswerepaintedasofttanthatcomplementedtheleathersofaandarmchair.Thewalnutcoffeetablehadsixmarblecoasters,oneofwhichheldamasonjarfulloficewater.She’dalwaysbeenworriedaboutcondensationringsruiningfurniture,soshe’dkeptcoasterseverywhere.
Thefireplaceagainstthewallwasmadeofthesamebrickthathadbeenusedoutsidefortheporch’sstairs.Thehardwoodfloorslookedoriginal,withtheoccasionaldingandscufftoaddcharacter.Athickarearugtookupmostoftheroom,thehintsofdarkgreeninthepatterncoordinatingwiththepottedsnakeplantinthecorner.
Thehousewasolder,probablybuiltbeforeopenconcepthadbecometherage,soeachroomwasseparatedbywallsandarcheddoorways.Andabovethecouch,insteadofpaintingsorprints,wasagallerywallofphotos.Thepictureinthecenterwasofherfamily.
Itwasolder,alargerversionofthecopyshe’dhadatherapartmentinVegas.
Taliawalkedtothecouch,takingaseatagainstoneendandfoldingherlegsintothecushionlikeshewascurlinginonherself.Likeshewasbracingforwhatwascoming.
Itooktheoppositeendofthecouch,givinghersomespaceasIleanedmyelbowsonmyknees.“Nicesweatshirt.”
Sheglanceddown,likeshe’dforgottenwhichoneshe’dpulledon.
“Youboughtmethesameone,remember?Youthoughtitwouldbecuteifwematched.”
“Thesleevesweretooshort,soyouneverworeit.”
“No,thesleeveswerefine.”IthadbeenoneoftwowhiteliesI’dtoldher.“Ididn’twearitbecauseIdidn’twantpeopletothinkI’dearnedit.ThatIwasgoingtocollege.”
“What?”Shecockedherhead.“Why?”
“Ibarelyfinishedhighschool.GotmydiplomaandknewthatI’dnevermakeitthroughanothermathorEnglishclass.Theideaofcollege…thatwasforpeoplelikeyou.Notme.AndwhenIputonthatsweatshirt,itremindedmeofeverythingI’dneverhave.EverythingIwouldn’tbeabletogiveyou.Apoorkidfromapoorneighborhoodwhosebestskillwasthrowinghisfistsaround.Aguywhowasluckytohavetwentybucksinhispocketandknewhe’dneverbeabletogiveyoutheworld.”
Shepulledherkneesintoherchest.“Ineverneededtheworld.”
“ButIwantedtogiveittoyouanyway.”
Backthen,I’dbeenwrappedupinmaterialpossessions.I’ddefinedsuccessasmoneyandstatus.Everythingmyparentshadbeenbitteraboutnothaving.Theresentmentthey’dheldtowardeachotherbecauseofwhytheydidn’thaveit.
IfIcouldgobackintime,I’dkickmyownass.
Taliahadn’tneededcarsorafancyhouse.Allshe’dneededwastofallasleepinmyarmseverynightandwakeuptomyfaceeverymorning.
“Youdidn’ttalkaboutyourchildhoodmuch,”shesaid.
“No.”AndI’donlyintroducedhertomyfamilyonce.Atalunch,notdinner,inanefforttokeepitasshortaspossible.
Whileshe’dalwaystalkedaboutherfamily,Ihadavoidedthatsubjectatallcosts.Itwaslikeourpositionshadbeenreversed.She’dtoldmeeverythingbuthadn’tsharedmeintheoppositedirection.AndI’dtoldeveryoneabouther,butsharednothingaboutthemtoher.
“Wedidn’thavemuchmoneywhenIwasakid,”Isaid.“Dadworkedatatireshop,changingtiresandpatchingholes.Momworkedasabartenderatasportsbaroffthestrip.Together,theybroughtindecentpay,excepttheyusuallycamehomewithhalfofitbecausethey’dlefttherestatacasino.”
“Theyhadagamblingproblem?Ihadnoidea.”
“NotsomethingIlikedtotalkabout.Itcausedalotofproblemsbetweenmyparents.Theyfoughtallthetime.They’dgetmadwhenonelosttoomuch.Thenexttime,itwouldbetheother.”
“I’msorry.”
Ishrugged.“It’swhotheyare.”
Neitherofmyparentswouldchange.I’dacceptedthat.Andthesedays,insteadofbeingangryateachother,theywereoftenangryatmetoo.TheyresentedmeformywealthbecauseIdidn’tshareitwiththem,notthewaytheywantedmeto.
EverytimeIgavethemmoney,they’dblowitinweeks.ThetwocarsI’dboughtforDadhadbeenhawkedforcash.ThesamewastruewiththejewelryI’dgivenMom.
Iworkedtoohardforthemtogambleawaymymoney.SoI’dboughtthemahousethatwasinmynamesoitcouldn’tbesold.TheyreceivednicegiftsonbirthdaysandatChristmas,andIdidn’taskwhatbecameofthosegifts.
“Growingup,ourhousewasn’tpeaceful,”ItoldTalia.“Thenormalvolumewasashout.Ithinkthat’swhyIgotintofighting.Itwasanoutlet.Awaytoquietthenoise.IhadafriendinhighschoolwhostartedboxingandhetookmetoAngel’soneday.”
Angel’sgym,ownedbyArloAngel.He’dbeenmysavioratthatpointinmylife.He’dtakenmeunderhiswingandtrainedmepersonallyforyears.Probablybecausehe’dseennaturaltalentandafuckloadofpent-upaggression.
“Ididn’trespectmydad,”ItoldTalia.“Ididn’tlistentomymother.ButArlo…hewasmyhero.Hetookapissed-offkidandgavehimafuture.HetoldmeIcouldbegreat,soIfoughttobegreat.Ineededthat.Ineededsomeonewhobelievedinme.Ineededsomethingtofightfor.”Andforfartoolong,Arlo’sapprovalhadbeenthesourceofmymotivation.
“Understandable,”shesaid.“He’sacharismaticman.”
“Was,”Icorrected.“HediedinNovember.Heartattack.”
Taliagasped.“Oh,Ihadnoidea.I’msosorry.”
“I’mnot.AlothappenedwithArlo.Noneofitgood.”
“Whatdoyoumean?Youlovedhim.”
Iblewoutalongbreath.Tellingthispartofthestorywasnevereasy.ProbablywhyI’donlyshareditwithJasper.“IstoppedfightingforArlowhenImetyou.”
“Huh?”Hereyebrowsknittedtogether.“Idon’tunderstand.Youwerefightingathisgym.”
“Hewasn’tthemotivation.Notthebulkofitanymore.Atfirst,IfoughtbecauseIneededtheoutlet.ThenIfoughttomakehimproud.ThenImetyou.Itwasn’taboutmeanymore,itwasaboutyou.Ihadnoeducation.Nohopesofbeingalawyerorbankerorbusinessman.Mytalentwasinthering.SoIfoughttowin,becausewinningmeantthebrightestsmileonyourface.Itmeanthearingyoucheermyname.Anditmeantmoney.”
Ithadallcomedowntomoney.FoolthatI’dbeen,I’dthoughtmoneyhadmattered.
“Youtalkedaboutyourfamily.Theirbusinesses.Theranch.Thehotel.Iknewyoucamefrommoney.AndIpromisedmyselfthatIwouldnevermakeyoutakeastepbackward.Iwouldn’tdragyoudown.”
Taliasatstraighter,lettinggoofherknees.“Areyousayingyoubrokemyheartbecauseyouwereactinglikesomesortofmartyr?Youletmegotofindsomeone‘better’?”
“No.”Igrittedmyteeth.Justthinkingaboutherwithanothermanhadsentmespiralingmorethanonceinthepastsevenyears.“Iwasgoingtofightanywherethey’dletme.Iwasgoingtofighteverytime,earneverydime.Untilmybodywasbroken.Iwasnevergoingtoletyougo.”
“Butyoudid.YouchoseVivienne.”
Imetherblueeyesbrimmingwithpainandbetrayal.Amillionapologieswouldn’ttakeawaytheguilt.Alifetimewouldn’tbelongenoughtomakeupforthehurtI’dcausedher.“I’llneverforgivemyselfforwhathappened,Tally.ForwhatIdidtoyou.”
“But…why?”Hervoicesoundedsosmall.“Whathappenedtous?Wewerehappy.Ithoughtwewerehappy.Weren’twe?YoushouldhavetoldmeyouhadfeelingsforVivienne.”
“Ididn’t.”
Herhandsballedintofistsontopofherknees.“Youmarriedher.”
“BecauseArloblackmailedmeintoit.EitherIdidexactlywhathewanted,includingmarryingVivienne.Orhe’dturnonme.”
“Forwhat?”
“Forthrowingafighttomakefiftythousanddollars.”CHAPTERTENTALIA
“W-what?”Ishookmyhead.“Youthrewafight?When?Whichfight?”
I’dgonetoeveryoneofhisfightsandhe’dlosttwice.Bothtimes,ithadbeenbydecisionandsocloseacallitcouldhavegoneeitherway.Fosterhadtakenabeatingbutdeliveredthesame.Hehadn’theldback.Noonecouldhavewatchedeitherfightandsaidhe’dlettheotherguywin.
Fostergaveeverythinghehadwhenhewasinthering.Always.
“Itwasn’tafightyouwatched.Aboutsixmonthsbeforewe,um…”Heswallowedhard.
“Beforewebrokeup.”
“Yeah.Oneoftheguysatthegymapproachedmeaboutanundergroundfight.”Fostercringedattheadmission.
“No.”OhmyGod,no.“Youdidn’t.”
Evenassomeonewhohadn’tbeenrootedinthefightingworld,Iknewthatundergroundfightswerenothingbuttrouble.Ithadn’thappenedoften,buteverynowandthen,I’dheardawhisperatArlo’sgymaboutanundergroundfightingring.Mostlythechatterhadhappenedafterafighterhadbeenbadlyhurt.
I’daskedVivienneaboutitonce.She’dtoldmethosefightsweredangerous,buttheguysdidthemforthemoney.
Notonlywasitillegal—ifcaught,theparticipantscouldbearrestedforassault—buttheyriskedtheirstandingwiththeUFC.ForFostertohavedonethis,he’dputhiscareerinjeopardy.Andhislife.Therulesinillegalfightswere…flexible.
Viviennehadtoldmethatoneoftheguysinthegymhadgonetoanundergroundfightandhisopponenthaddoneaneyegouge.Themanhadlosthiseye.
“I’mnotproud.”Hisvoicewashoarse,roughfromthescrapeofbrutalhonesty.“Itwas,withoutadoubt,thebiggestmistakeofmylife.I’veregrettediteverydaysince.”
Fosterworeastoicexpressionmostofthetime.Hefacedtheworldwithhisshoulderssquaredandhisguardattheready.Butwhenhedroppedhishands,whenhegaveyouhisvulnerabilities,youwerein.Allthewayin.
“Youdiditforthemoney,”Isaid.
“Ididitforthemoney.”
“BecauseyouthoughtIneededit?”Iflewoffthecouch,ragebrewinginmychest.Allthatpain,allthetearsandanguish,becausehe’dthoughtI’dneededmoney?“Standup.Ineedtopunchyouagain.”
Fosterobeyedimmediately.
“Thatisinsulting,”Ispat.ButwhenImethisgaze,cloudedwithhumiliation,myangerfizzled.
Hewouldletmepunchhim,overandoverandoveragain.Butitwouldn’tmakemefeelbetter.Itwouldn’tfilltheholeinmyheart.
“Ineededyou.Notmoney.”
“Tookmelosingyoutofigurethatout.”
Iswallowedthelumpinmythroat,refusingtocry.Nottonight.“HowdidArlogetinvolved?”
“Arlohadalwaysbeeninvolved.”Fostersighed,sinkingbackintohisseat.HewaitedtocontinueuntilIwasseatedtoo,myhandstuckedbeneathmykneestokeepthemfromfidgeting.“ThefirstfightIagreedtowassmall.Notahugepayout,athousandbucks,butmorethanI’dmakeatthegymworkingallday.AndadecentsupplementtowhatIwaswinningwiththeUFCfightstheyweregivingmeatthetime.”
He’dbeenanewandupcomingtalent,buthe’dneededfightingexperiencefortheUFCtogivehimhigher-payingmatches.He’dbeenputtinginhistimewiththeleague,andtopayhisbills,FosterhadworkedasaninstructoratAngel’s.Thosedays,Fosterhadbeeninoneoftwoplaces.Atthegym,orwithme.
Exceptthatwasn’treallytrue,wasit?Becausehe’dalsobeensneakingofftotheseillegalfights.
Cockfighting.That’swhatViviennehadcalledit.
“Thesecondfightwasbigger,”hesaid.“Betterpayout.IfiguredI’ddoit,maybetwomore,andwalkaway.Thefightwasatthiswarehouseandthey’dsetupamakeshiftlockerroom.Iwassittingonatable,waitingformyturnandtapingmyhands,whenthedooropened.AndinwalkedArlo.Ithoughthe’dheardaboutitandwascomingtobustmyass,haulmeoutofthere.Buthejustsmiled.SaiditwasabouttimeIdecidedtomakesomecash.”
“What?”Iblinked.“Heknew.”
Arlohadalwaysseemedsorighteous.Soruleabiding.He’drailatfighterswhentheytookcheapshotsduringsparringmatches.AndwhenI’daskedVivienneaboutthoseundergroundfights,she’dtoldmeherfatherhatedthem.
He’dbeenakindguy,abeastofaman,withabellylaugh.Howmany,includingme,hadhedeceivedwithhiseasysmile?
“Oh,Arloknew.”Fosterscoffed.“Hewasveryexperiencedinthatworld.Knewalltheorganizers.Knewthefighters.Knewhowtoplacehisbetsandwalkawaywithapileofcash.”
“But,thegym?Ifhegotcaught—”
“Hewouldhavebeencutoutfromtheleague.Sowouldallofhisfighters.That’swhyheneverinvitedanyofustotheundergroundfights.Wefoundourwaytherewithouthim.Andonceweenteredthatworld,weweren’tallowedatAngel’s.Hedidn’twanttoriskhavingafightergetbustedandleakitbacktothegym.Hell,noneoftheguysfromthegymeverknewhewasinvolvedormakingmoneyoffthem.Arlowouldstayhiddeninthewings,watchingandbetting.ThenexttimethatfightershowedupatAngel’s,Arlowouldbanthem.”
“Butnotyou.”
“Iwastheexception.”
“Why?”
Fostershrugged.“Idon’tknow.Maybebecausewewereclose.MaybebecausehebelievedI’deventuallymakeittothetopoftheUFC.Theundergroundfightsmademoney,butnothinglikemycontractnow.”
Millions.Hehadtobemakingmillionsfromhisfightsandsponsorshipdeals.
“AndArlowantedapieceofit,”Isaid.
Fosternodded.“Hewantedthatglory.TocallhimselfFosterMadden’smentor.”
“Notjustamentor.Youmarriedhisdaughter.”
“Divorcedhisdaughter.”
“When?”
“WhendidVivienneandIgetdivorced?”Hewaitedformynod.“ExactlythreeweeksafterArlodied.”
Whichmeantthey’dhadtohavefiledfordivorcerightafterArlo’sdeath.Apparentlyinthepastsevenyears,theirmarriagehadcrumbled.HowmuchofarolehadVivienneplayedinthisscheme?
“SoArlowasblackmailingyouthiswholetime?”Iasked.
“Heneverletmeforgetmymistake.Thedaythatmotherfuckerdied,Icelebratedwithcakeandmyfavoritevodka.”
“Whataboutthefight?Theoneyouthrew?”
Fosterdraggedahandoverhisbeard.“It’stheonlyfightI’veintentionallylost.SevenyearsandnotadaygoesbyIdon’tfeelsickoverit.”
Forfiftythousanddollars.Itwasn’tasmallamountbutitseemedalowpriceforhismorals.
“IfIhadjustwaited—”Heshookhishead.“IfIhadjuststayedonthepath,Iwouldhavemadethatinspades.Butdamnit,IwasyoungandArlopitcheditatexactlytherighttime.Youwerestartingtoplanyourmove,andheplantedtheseseedsofdoubt.Howharditwouldbetobeapart.Howyou’dmakenewfriends.Meetothermen.HowmanyplaneticketsadecentpayoutwouldbuytovisityouinSeattle.”
I’dfearedmostofthesame,leavingFosterbehind,worryingthattoomuchdistancewouldcreateariftbetweenus.Worryingthatwe’dgrowapart.
“Pleasedon’ttakethatasmeputtinganyoftheblameonyougoingtoschool,”hesaid.“Arloplayedonmygreatestweakness.”
Me.
“Whydidn’tyoutellme?”Iasked.
“LikeIsaid.I’mnotproud.”
He’dkeptthesefightsasecret.Forsixmonths.Nearlyhalfthetimewe’dbeentogether.
Iclosedmyeyes,lettingitallsinkin.Replayingmomentsinanewlight.“Therewerenightswhenyou’dcometomyplaceafterthegymwithcuts.Thatonetimeyourribswereallbruised.Youtoldmeitwasfromsparring.Butitwasn’t,wasit?”
“No.”
“Youliedtome.”
“Yes,Idid.I’msorry.”
Somanyapologies.Theyweregettingheavy.
“I’dbeenpickingupundergroundfightsaboutonceamonth,”Fostersaid.“Makingagrand,maybetwo,oneach.You’djustbroughtboxestotheapartmenttostartpacking.That’swhenArloapproachedme.Hesaidtherewasabiggerpayday.Fiftygrandforasinglefight.ThatwasoverthreetimesasmuchasIcouldmakeinmytierwiththeUFC.AddthattowhatI’dalreadymade,itwouldhavebeenthelastone.Butformetogetthatfifty,itwasn’twithawin.TheorganizerofthefightwasbringingacontenderandifIwon—”
“Theorganizerwouldlosemorethanifhepaidyoufiftyontheside.”
“Yeah.SoIfoughtthebastardhard.IgaveitallIhaduntilthelastroundwhenIfeignedfatigueandlethimpummelmeagainsttheropes.Thentookahooktothetempleandwokeuptoanightmare.”
Igulped,ashiverrollingdownmyspineattheideaofhimgettingknockedout.“AndwherewasIduringthis?”
“WithVivienne.IknewIwouldn’tbeabletofaceyouafterward,soIaskedhertoplanagirls’night.”
Irememberedthatgirls’night.He’dbeeninvitedtoabachelorpartyandknewitwouldbelate,sohe’dcrashathisplaceafterward.Anotherlie.ButI’dbelievedhim.Ihadn’tfearedhe’dcheat.Ihadn’tthrownafitthathe’dbegoingtoastripclub.I’dtrustedhimentirely,enoughtobelievethathe’dactuallybeenoutwithfriends.
Instead,he’dbeendealingwithaconcussion.
Mypulseraced,mystomachtwistingintoaknot.Itwashardtohearthetruth.ToknowI’dbeennaiveinmytrust.TorealizeI’dbeenduped.Istoodfromthecouch,unabletokeepstillwhenIfeltlikecryingorscreamingorcrawlingoutofmyownskin.
“WhywouldArloneedtoblackmailyou?”Iasked.“Youthrewhisfight.Washetryingtogetmoremoney?”
“Hewastryingtogetmetostay.Afterthatfight,ItoldhimIwasdone.Withallofit.EventheUFC.Ifeltsodirtyandcheap,Ididn’twanttofightagain.SoItoldArloIwasquittingandmovingtoSeattle.”
“Youweregoingtomovewithme?”
“Well,yeah.”Hespokelikehewasstatingtheobvious.“Itoldyouwe’dfigureitout.Iwasn’tsureofthetiming,butIwasalwayscomingtoSeattle.DidyoureallythinkI’dbeabletostayawayfromyouthatlong?”
Yes.No.Maybe.“Itwasatopicwebothavoidedtoooften.”
“Ididn’tliketalkingaboutusbeingapart.”Hesighed,rubbinghisbeardagain.Wasthathisnervoushabitnow?Orjustsomethinghedidwhilehewasthinkingofwhattosay?“Arlodidn’twantmetoleave.Fortheobviousreason.”
“Money.”
“ForeverypennyImade,hetookacut.ThatfightIthrew?Hedidn’tmakeacentthatnight.Becausethewholepointwasforhimtotrapme.Fromthatpointon,everytimeIgotpaid,he’dhavehishandout.Sponsorshipsandendorsements,I’dgivehimacut.Whateverhewanted,hetookbecausehehadtheinformationtotankmycareer.”
“Youhadinformationonhimtoo,though.”
“Thathebetatthefights?Yeah.Icouldhavefuckedhimover.Butpeopledon’ttalkaboutthosefightsforareason.That’sagoodwaytogetbeatentodeath.”
Iflinched.“Theywouldhavekilledyou?”
“Worse.Theymighthavecomeafteryou.Arloknewyouwereimportant.WhenItoldhimIwasout,hedidn’targue.Hejustcalmlytoldmetoreconsider.HetalkedabouthowdangerousitcouldbeinSeattleforawoman.Howtherewasneveranyguaranteepeopleweresafe.”
“Hethreatenedme?”Thatsonofabitch.
“Idon’tknowwhathewouldhavedonebutIwasn’ttakingthatrisk.Notwhereyouwereconcerned.SoIstayed.IplayedArlo’sgame.”
“Untilhedied.”
“Untilhedied,”herepeated.
“Whatabouttheotherfighters?Aren’tyouworriedsomeonewillcomeforward?TakeArlo’splaceandblackmailyouformoney?”
Heshookhishead.“Notreally.LikeIsaid,peoplestaytight-lipped.Mostfightersaretiedupwithfamiliesyoudon’tbetray.AndIdidn’tusemyrealname.Iwasonlyapartofitforashorttime.Justahandfuloffights.ThatfightIthrewwasmylast.Therearenopictures.Nocamerasallowed.IfsomeonewasgoingtoblackmailmebesidesArlo,theywouldhavecomeforwardbynow.”
Fostersoundedsosure.MaybemydoubtswerebecauseI’djustlearnedallofthis,butitseemedlikethetypeofskeletonthatneverleftyourcloset.
“I’msorry,Tally.”Helookedupatmewithtearsinhiseyes.Witharegretsodeepitwaslikestaringintoablackhole.“I’msofuckingsorry.Imadethewrongchoice.IfIcouldgoback,doitalldifferently,Iwould.Pleaseknowthat.”
Morebrutalhonesty.Myheartfeltlikeithadbeenturnedinsideout,thenoutsidein.Myheadwasascrambledmess.Iwalkedtothewindow,staringoutintothedarknight.Whattofeel?Whattothink?“Youshouldhavetoldmethetruth.”
“Ididn’twantyoumixedupinit.”
“Don’t.”Iwhirledawayfromtheglass.“Don’tyoufuckingdare.Didyoureallythinksolittleofmyabilitytohandlethetruth?WhatifsomeonehadcomeaftermeinSeattle?Iwouldhavehadnoidea.Youmademeapartofthatblackmailandleftmeinthedark.Youwereacoward.Donotsayyouwereprotectingme.”
Fostershotoffthecouch.“YoureallythinkIwantedyoumixedupwiththattrash?OfcourseIwasprotectingyoufromit,Talia.Iwouldprotectyoufromanythingthatcouldcauseyoupain.”
“Exceptyourself.”
Herecoiled,hisbodytensinglikeI’dslappedhim.
“Fuck.”Ipinchedthebridgeofmynose.
“You’reright.Theonlypersonwhoendeduphurtingyouwasme.ButIwasscared.WhenIsayitwasdangerous,I’mnotdownplayingthat.Thesearen’tmenwhoobeysociety’srules.Ifyoucrossthem,theytaketheirrevengetotheextreme.YouthinkIwouldhavebeenabletolivewithmyselfifsomeonehadcomeafteryou?Hityou?Raped—”Heshookhishead.“Ican’teventhinkaboutthat.”
Ishuddered,notwantingtothinkaboutiteither.“AndVivienne?WasshesafebecauseshewasArlo’sdaughter?”
Fosterscoffed.“Shedidn’tevenrealizeshe’dbeenswimmingwithsharksherentirelife.”
“Isthatwhyyoumarriedher?BecauseofArlo?”
Hehunghishead,givingmeabarelytherenod.“Yeah.”
“AndViviennewentalongwithit?”
Hadshealwayslovedhiminsecret?Hadshejustbeenwaitingforustobreakupbeforemakinghermove?Hadsheevenbeenmyfriend?OrhaditalwaysbeenaboutFoster?
WhileFosterhadbrokenmyheart,havingmybestfriendstompontheshatteredpieceshadturneditintodust.HerbetrayalwassomethingI’dneverforget.
Andshe’dwon.Ihatedherforwinning.Forbeingabletocallherselfhiswife.
Fosterrakedahandthroughhishair.“She…it’scomplicated.”
Iwasreallystartingtohatethatphrase,eventhoughI’dbeentheonetouseitfirst.
“Arlowantedustogether,”hesaid.“Themarriagewashisidea.”
“Oh,andI’msuresheputupafight,”Ideadpanned.Viviennewouldhavegonealongwithitbecauseshe’dgottenFoster.Maybeshe’dbeenafterthemoneytoo.
“Shedidn’twantourmarriageeither.”
“Right.”Iscoffed.“AndI’msuresheputupahellofafightonthewaytothealtar.”
“Shefeelsawfulaboutwhathappened.”
Viviennefeltsoawfulthatshe’dmarriedhimanyway.She’dsleptwithhimanyway.She’dwornhisringanyway.She’dtakenhisnameanyway.Yeah,shemustfeelawful.
Whywashedefendingher?Whywashesoloyaltoher?Didn’tmostpeoplebreaktieswiththeirex?
Didtheytalkaboutmeduringtheirphonecalls?HadhetoldherhowI’dfuckedhimatthegymonSaturday?
Myframetensed,myhandsfisting.MyfeelingsforFosterwereajumbledmess,butwhenitcametoVivienne,oneemotionrangclear.
Fury.
“I’mdonewiththisconversation.”
“There’smoretotalk—”
“Goodnight.”Withthat,Iwalkedthroughthelivingroomandupthestairstomybedroom.
AndleftFostertoshowhimselfout.CHAPTERELEVENFOSTER
Weren’tconfessionssupposedtomakeyoufeelbetter?I’dexpectedtofeellighterafterconfidinginTalia.Buttherewasnorelief.Iwasfuckingmiserable.
Thepitinmystomachfeltmilesdeep.MyheadthrobbedandIcouldn’tfocus.Thismorning’sbreakfasthadcomeuptenminutesafterithadgonedown.
Itremindedmealotofthedaysafterourbreakup.ThedayswhenI’dhardlybeenabletogetoutofbed.Lyingtoher,tellingherIwasmarryingVivienne,hadbeenunbearable.Buttherealagonyhadcomelater,whenI’dgonetoVivienne’sapartmentandfoundTalia’sroomempty.
Thewallshadbeenbare.Thecarpetcleanwithvacuumtracks.Thecoconutandcitrusscentalreadyfading.
Viviennehadfoundmeinthatroom,standinginthemiddleofthespace.Lostandheartbroken,knowingI’dneverseeTaliaagain.Knowingthattheblamewasmine.
I’dstoodinthatemptyroomforhours,relivingthebreakup.Hearingtheliesthathadspewedfrommymouth.Wonderinghowshecouldhavebelievedthemsoeasily.
IhavefeelingsforVivienneIcan’tkeepignoring.
She’stheone.
I’maskinghertomarryme.
UtterfilthtodriveTaliaaway.
I’dneverforgivemyselfforthosewords.Forthoselies.Butstandinginthatemptybedroom,I’dpromisedmyselfthatifIeverhadthechancetomakeitright,I’dtellTaliathetruth.
Aftershe’dbasicallykickedmeoutofherplacelastnight,I’dspentthemidnighthourstossingandturningonthecouch.Replayingtheconversation.Relivingtheshame.RealizinghowlividshewaswithVivienne.
WhenI’dfinallygivenuponsleep,I’dspentthemorningtidyinguptheapartmentandcleaningthealreadycleangym.Sixmilesonthetreadmillhadn’thelpedclearmyhead.NeitherhadashowerandlunchbeforeI’dclimbedinmytrucktoheadintotown.
Thesunstreamedthroughtheclearsky.Theriverrambledoversmoothrocksbeyondtheroad.AbeautifulJanuarydayinMontana.
Hadcomingherebeenafool’sdream?Haditallbeeninvain?SevenyearsI’dspentwishingforthischance.
Haditbeendoomedfromthestart?
Taliawasright.She’ddeservedthetruthsevenyearsago.ButthethreatsArlohadmadestillechoedinmymind.Talia’ssafetywaseverything.ThatwaswhyI’dlied,notbecauseIhadn’tbelievedshecouldhandlethesituation.Butinsteadofsharingtheburden,I’dshoulderedit.
Anothermistake.
TherewasmoretotellTalia.Moretoexplain.ButViviennehadbeggedforthechancetodothatherself.Itwaspartofthisarrangement.
Viviennewantedtotellhersideofthestory,andI’dpromisedherthatopportunitytotry.
SoIwouldkeepVivi’ssecret—oursecret—unlessitmeantlosingTalia.ThenViviennewouldhavetodealwithmybrokenpromise.
Myphonerang,Vivienne’snameflashingonthetruck’scenterscreen.“Hi.Whereareyou?”
“Almostthere.”Shehadasmileinhervoice.“Ten,fifteenminutes.”
“Drivesafe.There’sstillsomesnowandiceontheroadsoutsideoftown.”
“Jasperisdrivingandhe’sbeingverycareful,”shesaid,thenloweredhervoice.“Didyou,um,talktoTalia?”
“Yeah.”
“And?How’ditgo?”
“Notgreat.”
Shesighed.“Shehatesus,doesn’tshe?”
DidIthinkTaliahatedme?No.Shewasangry,buthate?IdoubtedTaliawouldhavehadsexwithmeatthegymifshehatedme.NotthatI’dsharethatdetailwithmyex-wife.ButdidTaliahateVivienne?Maybe.
“Sheneedstimetoletitsinkin,”Isaid.“Andsheneedsthewholetruth.”
“Youdidn’ttellher,didyou?”Vivienneasked.“Youpromised.”
“Iknow.Ididn’ttellher.”
“Thankyou.”Viviennehadherownwrongstoright.Iwouldn’tstealthatmomentfromherunlessIhadnootherchoice.“Stillwanttomeetatthehotel?”
“Yeah.I’mgoingtograbacoffee,thenI’llseeyouthere.”
“Okay.Bye.”
Myfingerstappedonthewheelfortherestofthedriveintotown,thenervousenergyneedinganoutlet.
Todaywasanotherbeginning.Itwouldbeokay,right?Thiswasn’tahorribledecision.Iwasdoingthesmartthingbymovingushere.
Myself-assuranceslandedflat.
Pleasedon’tletthisbeamistake.
ImadeittotownandparkedclosetothehotelbeforejoggingacrossthestreetandwalkingthreedoorsdowntoEdenCoffee.IneededmorecaffeineifIwasgoingtomakeitthroughtherestoftheafternoonandevening.
AgroupofteenagersclusteredatthecounterwhenIstrodeinside,kidsprobablyenjoyingthelastdayofwinterbreakbeforeschoolstartedagaintomorrow.
Wouldshelikethistown?Wouldshelikethegym?I’dbeensofocusedongettingtheplaceindecentshapeIhadn’tletmyselfworryoverthosequestions.ButshewasalmosthereandnownothingI’ddoneseemedlikeenough.
ThefurnitureI’dboughtwasnicebutitwasn’tsuperexpensive.ThebedroomwashalfthesizeofwhatshehadinVegas.Therewasasinglemovietheaterinthistown,anditwasnothingliketheeighteen-screencinemaclosetoourneighborhood.
“DoesthemovietheaterherehavepeanutM&M’s?”Iaskedtheteenagerinfrontofmeinline.ShelovedgettingalargepopcornanddumpinginaboxofpeanutM&M’s.
“Huh?”Theteenagerlookedmeupanddown.
“Nevermind,”Imuttered.
We’dsneakcandyintoQuincy’stheaterifnecessary.We’dhaveagoodlife.Asimplelife.
Andmaybe,ifIcouldscorejustonemoremiracle,thatlifewouldincludeTalia.
Theteenagersshuffledoutoftheway,theirarmsladenwithpastriesandlattes.
“Americano,please,”Itoldthebarista,glancingpasther.WasLylahere?ButifTalia’ssisterwasworkingtoday,shewasn’toutfront.
I’djustfishedatwentyfrommypocketwhenahandclampeddownonmyshoulder.Iturned,myfacesplittingintoahugegrinwhenIsawJasperatmyside.
“Hey.”Igavehimaquickhugandbackslap.“Youwerefast.ThoughtI’dseeyouatthehotel.”
“IdroppedoffVivisoshecouldgetcheckedin,thenparked.FiguredI’dfindyouhereandIneedsomecoffeetoo.Thatwasalong-assdrive.”
“Tellmeaboutit.”Ichuckled.“It’sgoodtoseeyou.Thanksforcoming.AndthanksfordrivingupwithVivi.Ifeltbetterknowingyouwereinthecartoo.”
“Youdon’thavetothankme.”
Inodded.“Yes,Ido.”
“We’rereallydoingthis?”
“We’rereallydoingthis.Backtothebasics.Oneverything.Life.Training.”
Hesmirked.“You’retoooldandtoorichforbasics.”
“Probably.”Ilaughed.“Butit’sworthashot.”
“CouldIgetablackcoffee?”heaskedthebarista.
Iglancedtothedoor,readytogettothehotel.“Viviennesaidtenorfifteenminutes.Youmadefasttime.”
“Anxioustogetoutofthatcar,”hesaid,takinghiscoffeefromthebaristaandgivingmeanodofthankswhenIpaidforthecup.“How’sitgoingwithTalia?”
“Notgreat,”Iadmittedaswewalkedoutsideandheadedacrossthestreet.“Butthefight’snotoveryet.I’mnotgivingup.”
“Thisiswhereshegrewup?”Heglancedaround,takinginallofMain.“It’squaint.DefinitelynotlikeVegas.”
“Whichaddstotheappeal.”
“Thinkyou’llgetrestlessinatownthissmall?”heasked.
“Nope.”I’dnevercaredforneonlightsandswankycrowds.TrafficwasapainintheassandthereweretoomanybadmemoriesinVegas.“GlacierNationalParkisclose.Thissummerwe’llhavetogohiking.ThereareacouplebarsonMain,oneoneachend.Notexactlyanightclubonthestrip,butthey’vegotcoldbeer.MaybeI’lltakeupfishing.”I’dneverbeenfishing.
“I’minforthehikingandcoldbeer.Notsoldonthefishingbutaskmeagainlater.”
“Willdo.”
JasperwouldonlybeinQuincytemporarily.He’dfoundavacationrentaltostayinwhilehehelpedmetrain,anA-framecabinontheoutskirtsoftown.AfterthefightwasoverinMarch,IexpectedhimtostayinVegaswhileIreturnedtoMontana.NotsurehowthatwouldworkforfuturetrainingbutI’dkeephimonasmytrainerforaslongashewantedthejob.
Jasper’sYukonwasparkednexttomytruck.Iquickenedmystepsasweapproachedthehotel,eagertogetinside.
Wewerejustabouttothehotel’sfrontdoorswhentwowomenroundedthecornerofthebrickbuilding.
Icametoadeadstop.
Shit.Lylahadn’tbeeninthecoffeeshop,becauseshe’dbeenwithTalia.
Whywasn’tTaliaatthehospital?She’dsaidlastnightshehadatwelve-hourshifttoday.Sheshouldn’tbedowntown.Shecouldn’tbedowntown,notyet.Ididn’twantherbumpingintoVivienne,especiallyafterhowshe’dreactedlastnight.
“What?”JasperstoppedwhenherealizedIwasn’tmoving.ThenhefollowedmygazeasLylaandTaliapassedbythehotel’sfrontdoors,walkingourway.
Taliaglancedup,andthemomentherblueeyesmetwithmine,myheartskipped.Prettysureitalwayswouldwherethiswomanwasconcerned.
Shewasdressedinscrubsandtennisshoes.Herblackcoatwaszippedupandherhairwasinaponytail.Herstridechanged,slowedforacoupleofsteps,thensheclosedthedistancebetweenus.“Hi.”
“Hi.”Stayinside,Vivi.Stayinsidethathotel.Please.
TaliaandIstaredateachother,therestoftheworldbecomingablur,hazyontheedges.
“Youokaytoday?”Iasked.
Sheliftedashoulder.“Idon’tknow.I’mmad.I’mfrustrated.It’salottotakein.”
Andtherewasmore.“Canwetalk?Tonight?Please.”IwantedtoatleastwarnherthatViviennewasintown.
“Okay.I’llbeatthehospitaluntilseven.”
“I’llcomeoveraroundeight.”
Jasperclearedhisthroat,andItoremyeyesfromTalia’s.HeandLylawerestudyingusboth.
Lylawasscowling.TheglareshesentmywaywastheoneI’dexpectedfromthestart.Taliamusthavetoldheraboutme.Thankfuck.I’dratherbeanenemythananamelessstranger.
“TaliaEden,meetJasperVale,”Isaid.“Mytrainerandfriend.”
Heheldoutahand,shakinghers.ThendidthesameforLyla.“Jasper.”
“Lyla.”Shesmiledforhim,butwhenshefacedmeagain,thaticyglarewasback.Lylacouldrakemeoverthecoalslater.Whenweweren’twithinfiftyfeetofVivienne.
“Tonight?”IaskedTaliaagain.
Shenodded,thensheandLylatookastep,readytopassusonthesidewalk.
Exceptavoicerangoutfrombehindthem.Thehotel’sdoorwaspushedopenbyalittlegirl.
Mylittlegirl.
“Daddy!”
Kadencestreakeddownthesidewalk,herchestnuthairstreamingbehindherassheracedmywaywithabeamingsmilethathadlitupeveryoneofmydarkdays
IthrustmycoffeeintoJasper’sfreehandjustintimetocatchmydaughterasshelaunchedherselfintomyarms.“Hi,littlebug.Oh,Imissedyou.So,somuch.”
“Missedyoutoo.”Shehuggedmesotightaroundmyneckitwasachokehold.
Therewereeyesonus,butIheldontoKadence,breathingherin.NeveragainwouldIgothislongwithouther.ThedailycallsandFaceTimeshadn’tbeenenough.
Ikissedhertemple,thensetherdown,crouchingsowewereeyetoeye.“Howwasthetrip?”
“Really,reallylong.”
“Where’syourmom?”
Kadencehookedathumboverhershoulder.“Inside.”
Iglancedpasther,notseeingVivienne.“Doessheknowyoucameouthere?”
“No,butIsawyoufrominsidethewindows,soIthoughtitwasokay.”
“Kadence,youcan’tleaveabuildingwithouttellingher.”
“Itwasanaccident.”
Thatwasherexcuseforeverythingthesedays.Itwasanaccident.We’dbeworkingonthedifferencebetweenaccidentsandmistakes.
Itouchedhercheekandstood,holdingoutmyhandforhers.IfViviennenoticedKaddiewasgone,she’dfreak.
“Let’sgoinside.”Iwasabouttotakeastep,whenIsawTalia’sface.
Thecolorhadlefthercheeks.Hereyeswerewideandhermouthparted,shocketchedonherbeautifulface.
“What’swrong?”Iasked.
TaliastaredatKadencelikemydaughterwasmoreofasurprisethananythingI’dtoldherlastnight.
Wait.Hadn’tsheknownaboutKaddie?I’dtalkedaboutmydaughter,hadn’tI?IwassureI’dmentionedher.Ourconversationsstreamedthroughmymindtoofasttoanalyzebutthesinkinginmygutwastelling.Mostly,we’dtalkedaboutthepast.I’dbeenfocusedonexplainingthetimebeforeKaddiewasborn.
I’djustassumedTaliaknew.Shehadtoknow.
HowmanytimeshadIgoogledTaliaovertheyears?HowmanytimeshadIgonetotheQuincyMemorialHospital’swebsitejusttolookatherphotointhestaffdirectory?HowmanytimeshadIpulledupherInstagramaccounttolookattheprofilepicture?
Atsomepointinsevenyears,she’ddonethesameforme,right?
Mysocialmediaaccountswerepublicbecausemymanagerandagenthadencouragedmetobuildafollowing.Tohaveapresence.Mostofmyphotoswereofmeinthegym,training,buteverynowandthen,I’daddsomethingpersonal.
AndusuallythosephotosorstorieswereofKadence.
IfTaliadidn’tknowaboutmydaughter,thatmeant…
She’dblockedmeoutcompletely.
“Youdidn’tknow,”Imurmured.
Taliadidn’tsomuchasblink.
FuckCHAPTERTWELVETALIA
Hisdaughterwasadorable.She’dlostherfrontbabyteethandthere’dneverbeenamoreprecioustoothlesssmile.
Adaughter.
Hehadadaughter.
Iputmyhandovermyheart,pressinghardbecauseithurt.Oh,God,ithurt.
“I’msorry,”Fostersaid.“Ithoughtyouknew.”
Hisdaughtertuggedonhishand.“Daddy,arewegoing?”
“Yeah.”Hiseyeswerefullofmoreapologiesbuthedidn’tsayanotherwordasheletherdraghimtowardthehotel.Thetrainer,Jasper,followed.
Adaughter.
FosterandViviennehadafamily.
“Talia.”Lylatouchedmyelbow.
Icouldn’tspeak.Icouldn’tbreathe.Icouldn’tmove.
Whenwouldthisstop?Wasthissomesortofsickjoke?Hiswaytotortureme?
Lylamovedinfrontofme,forcingmetomakeeyecontact.“WhatcanIdo?”
Ishookmyheadandmanagedtochokeout,“Work.Ineedtogobacktowork.”
“Okay.”Sheloopedherarmwithmine,takingastepandpullingsohardIhadnochoicebuttowalkaway.
I’dtakenalatelunchbreaktodayandcometothecoffeeshoptotalkwithLyla.We’ddecidedtogoforawalkarounddowntownbecauseherbarista,Crystal,wassweetbutshegossipedconstantly.NeitherLylanorItrustedhernottoeavesdrop.
SomysisterandIhadwandereddowntown,behindthecoffeeshopandaroundthehotel,whileI’dtoldLylaeverythingFosterhadrevealedlastnight.
Theundergroundfights.Arlo’sblackmail.Themoney.MysuspicionthatViviennehadbeeninlovewithFosterfromthebeginning,soshe’dgonealongwithherfather’sscheme.
She’dwonFoster.Andnotonlyhadshegottentoclaimthetitleofwife,she’dalsogivenhimabeautifuldaughter.
AdaughterI’doncedreamedofhaving.
“Goddamnit.”Tearsfloodedmyeyesaswecrossedthestreet,andIfuriouslyblinkedthemaway.
“Well,I’llgiveFostercreditforsomething,”LylasaidasweroundedherbuildingforthealleywhereI’dparkedmyJeep.“He’sbroughtyououtofyouremotionalshell.”
Islowedmysteps,forcinghertodothesame.“What?Idon’thaveanemotionalshell.”
“Don’tyou?”Shegavemeasadsmile.
“Seriously?You’resayingthistometoday?”
“You’reright.ForgetIsaidanything.”
Unlikely.“JustbecauseI’mprivatedoesn’tmeanIhaveanemotionalshell,”Isnapped.
“Ididn’tsaythattopickafight.”Sheheldupherhands.“Notthatweeverfight.Notthatyoueverfightwithanyone.Orcrywithanyone.We’retwinsistersandthelasttimewehadadecentargumentwasinhighschool.”
Myjawdropped.
“Sorry.Badtiming.Ijust…Ican’thelpbutthinkthatsincehe’scometotown,youhavebeenmoreopenwithmeindaysthanyouhaveinyears.”
“You’repraisinghimforbreakingmyheart?”Ishookmyhead,asfrustrationbubbledinsidemychest.“Areyoutryingtomakemeangry?”
“Um,no?Juststatinganobservation.”
“Unbelievable.”Istompedaway,diggingmykeysfrommycoatpocket.
“You’rejustprovingmypoint!”shecalledtomyback.
Iliftedahandandflippedheroff.
“See?”
Ispunaround,walkingbackwardforafewsteps.“Youwantedagoodfight.Youhaveonenow.Don’tcallmeforatleasttwodays.”
Lylashruggedasaninfuriatingsmilespreadacrossherface.
“Threedays,”Ibarked,thenturnedandstormedaroundthecornertowardmyJeep.Islammedthedoortoohardandsmackedmyhandonthewheel.“Ouch.Damnit.”
Thankstomysister,atleastIwouldn’tbecryingwhenIgottothehospital.
Anemotionalshell?Howcouldshesaythat?Ilaughedandsmiledandjokedallthetime.Iwashappy.Iwasablissfullycontentperson.
MymolarsgroundtogetherasIdrovetowork.Istormedintothelockerroomtostowmycoatandkeys,thenwashedmyhandsbeforeheadingdownthehallway,readytodrownmyselfinworkforthenextfewhours.
“Hi,Rachel,”IsaidasIstoppedatthenurses’station.“JustwantedtoletyouknowI’mback.”
Shewasseatedbehindthecounter,eyesgluedtoacomputerscreen.Hergazeflickedmywaybeforesheglancedtothewallclockoverhershoulder.“Longlunch?”
Don’tcallherabitch.Don’tcallherabitch.Iforcedasmile.“Justthehour.Likeusual.Pleaseletmeknowwhenmytwoo’clockappointmentgetshere.”
“Don’tIalways?”Rachelreturnedherattentiontothescreenandhummedmydismissal.
Thiswoman’sattitudehadfrayedmylastnerve.ButwhatwasIsupposedtodo?Tattleonher?Thatwouldonlymakeitworse.
Thiswasn’tLyla’scoffeeshop.Ifmysisterhadissueswithanemployee,shecouldfirethem,putoutahelp-wantedsignandhaveanewbaristawithintwoweeks.
Rachel,forallherpersonalityshortcomings,wasagoodnurseandmanager.Fightingwithherwoulddonothingforme.SoIwalkedaway.
“BecauseI’mafreakingprofessional,”Imutteredtomyself.
Dr.Andersoncamewalkingdownthehallway,dressedinhisusualkhakislacksandwhitelabcoatthesamecolorashishair.
“Hi,Dr.Anderson.”
“Hi,Talia.”
Talia.IcalledeverydoctoratQuincyMemorialDoctor.AndtheycalledmeTalia.Thenursesdidtoo.NotjustRachel,everyone.
NoonecalledmeDr.Eden.Why?WasInotworthyofthattitle?WasInotworthyoftherespect?WasthatwhyFosterhadhiddenthetruthabouttheundergroundfightsandtheblackmail?WasthatwhyDadhadconfrontedFosteratthegyminsteadoflettingmehandleit?
Dideveryoneseemeasweak?Incapable?
“I’mtakingofffortheday,”hesaid.“HeadingoutearlysoIcantakemywifeouttodinner.It’souranniversary,andI’dliketoswingbythejewelrystoreforalittlesomethingandthegrocerystoreforflowers.”
“Happyanniversary,”Isaid,fakingmoresmilesandpoliteconversationeventhoughIjustwantedtogohideinthesupplycloset.“Whereareyougoingtodinner?”
“Knuckles.”
“Goodchoice.ThoughI’mbiased.”Notreally.Knox’srestaurantwasthebestinthestate.AndIwasinthemoodtofightanyonewhodisagreed.
“Areyouallsethere?”
“Yes.I’vegotacoupleofroutinecheckupsthisafternoon.Otherwise,I’lldotheroundsandhandleanythingthatcomesup.”
“Excellent.Dr.MurphyisintheERuntilseven.ThenDr.Herreraisoncalltonightifyouneedanyhelp.”
Dr.Murphy.Dr.Herrera.
Doctor.Doctor.Doctor.
“Wouldyoumindcheckinginonafewpatientsformethisevening?”heasked.
“Notatall.”
Dr.Andersongavemeaquicksummary,thenwithadipofhischin,tookofffortheday,leavingmeonmyown.
Thehospitaldidn’thavethebudgetordemandforadoctoron-sitetwenty-fourseven.Westaggeredthedayandeveningshifts,workingvaryingschedules.Therewasatleastonedoctorinthebuildingfromseveninthemorningtosevenintheevening.Ondaysliketoday,whenwehadscheduledappointments,onephysicianwouldbeinthiswingwithpatientandexamroomswhiletheotherwasintheemergencyroomforwalk-intraffic.
WhenI’dfirststartedmyresidency,allofmyshiftshadcoincidedwithDr.Anderson’ssohecouldsuperviseandobserve.Asmymentorandteacher,we’dworkedcasestogether.ButasI’dprogressedthroughthatfirstyear,he’dgivenmemorefreedom.
Now,threeyearsinandsoclosetotakingmyexamsandgettingmylicense,Ioftenworkedthelateafternoonandeveninghoursalone.Ithadbecomemyfavoritetimeatthehospital.
Morningswerehectic.Thelunchhourwasusuallytooshort.Butbyfourorfiveo’clock,afterthenurses’rotationandtheappointmentwindowclosed,itwaspeaceful.
Myfinalappointmentwaswithawomanwho’dcomeinforheryearlyexamandamammogram.Aftersayinggoodbye,IlefthertogetchangedwhileIwandereddownthehallway,awayfromtheexamroomsandthroughthedoorsthatledtothepatientroomsforthosestayingovernight.
ThescentofgarlicandtomatoesandpastafilledmynoseasIpassedanursingassistantcarryingafoodtray.Dinnertonightmustbespaghetti.
Istoppedatthethirddoorontheleft,knockingbeforeIpusheditopen.“Hey,Dante.”
Theteenagerlyinginbedlookedasmiserableashehadyesterday.“Hey.”
Onhistablewashisowntrayoffood.Theplatewasshieldedwithametallidandtheglassofmilkcoveredwithplasticwrap.“Spaghettiisthebestdinneroftheweek.Needsomehelpwithit?”
“Iguess,”hemumbled.
Iwenttothesinktowashmyhandsforthehundredthtimetoday,thenhelpedhimuncoverthemeal.“Howareyoufeeling?”
“LikeIhavetwobrokenlegsandabrokenarm.”
Ihandedhimaforkforhisunbrokenarm.“Couldbeworse.Youcouldhaveabrokenneck.”
“Yeah.”Dantepokedathispasta.
“How’syourpain?”
Heglancedatthewhiteboardonthewallwherethepainscalewasdepictedonthebottom.“Three.”
“Callifitgetsaboveafive.”
“’Kay,”hemuttered.“Mymomispissed.”
“It’sherjobasyourmothertobepissed.”
DantehadcomeintotheERyesterdaywithamyriadofbrokenbones.Hewasasophomoreinhighschool.HeandabuddyhadspentNewYear’sDaytogether.They’ddecidedtogosleddingoffDante’sroofintoasnowdriftinthedriveway.He’dtakenthepioneervoyage,whichhadlandedhiminthebackofanambulance,destination:QuincyMemorial.
Dr.MurphyhadbeenintheERyesterday.Thefractureshadbeenclean,sohe’dsetthebonesandputtheminsplintsforthenight.Thentoday,afteranothersetofX-raystomakesureeverythingwasaligned,they’dputhimincasts.
Hewasstayingtonightforobservation,buttomorrow,he’dbeonhiswayhome.
Dante’sdadwasafirefighterintown.Hismomwasanaccountant.Dantewastheoldestoffivekids,andaccordingtoDr.Anderson’srecapearlier,hisparentswereswappingshiftshereatthehospital.Hismomwasdueanyminute.
“WanttowatchsomeTVwhileyoueat?”Iasked,pickinguptheremote.
“MymomsaidI’mnotallowedtodoanythinguntilI’velainhereandthoughtabouttheidiocyofmyways.”
Ipulledinmylipstohideasmile.“Andhaveyou?Thoughtabouttheidiocyofyourways?”
“Oh,yeah.”Henodded.“I’madumbass.”
“Everyonemakesmistakes.”
Henoddedtowardhislegs.“Thisisabigmistake.”
Therewerefarworsethingsinahumanbodytobreakthanbones.“You’llheal.Don’tworry.Goodasnewinnotime.”
Thecornersofhismouthturneddown.Hisdarkeyesflooded.“I’mgoingtomissbasketballseason.”
“IbetCoachPaynewillletyousitonthebenchandcheerforyourteam.”ThehighschoolbasketballcoachwasoneofthenicestpeopleinQuincyandhelovedhisplayers.
Dantesighed.“Yeah.Iguess.”
“Eatyourdinner,”Isaid,turningonthetelevision.“I’lltellyourmomthatalittleTVtimewasdoctororderedforstressreliefandpainmanagement.”
Thetearsinhiseyesonlyseemedtomultiplyasheswirledsomespaghettiaroundhisfork.
Poorkid.He’dlearnedahardlessonthisweek.
“MindifIsitwithyou?”Iasked,checkingmywatch.Therewasalwaysworktobedone,butI’dstickarounduntilhismomgothere.
“That’scool.”Heshruggedandateanotherbite.
Ipulleduptheguestchair.“Whatdoyoufeellikewatching?ESPN?Disney?CartoonNetwork?”
“ESPN.”
Iscrolledthroughtheguideandfoundtherightchannel.
Dante’sattentionwasinstantlyraptonthesmallscreenandthesportsnewsrecap.
ESPNwasn’tachannelIwatched,mostlybecauseIdidn’thavethedesiretokeepuponprofessionalsports.ButalsobecauseitcamewithtoohighariskofseeingFosterontelevision.
Dante’smotherhadbeenright.WeshouldhavelefttheTVoff.
LiketheuniverseknewIwastunedin,theannouncerschangedthetopicfromfootballtotheUFC.Theshowcuttoaninterviewwhereareporterwasholdingamicrophonetoaman’sface.
Themanwaswearingapairofsweatsandatanktop,hismuscledarmscoveredintattoos.Betweenthebeepstheyusedtocoverhiscursewords,hewastalkingsmackaboutafight.
“ScottSavageisgoingtokickthatbeepboy’sass.Youbeephearme?He’sold.Manneedstohangitup.ScottSavageissendinghimintoretirement.”
“Thisguyissuchadouche,”Dantescoffed.“Healwaystalksabouthimselfinthethirdperson.Withbothhisnames.Whodoesthat?IhopeFosterMaddenkickshisass.”
This—ScottSavage—wasFoster’sopponentforhisupcomingfight?Ihatedhimalready.Cockybastard.“Metoo.”
Foster’sfacecameonthescreen,forjustaminute,astheannouncerrecappedthefightdateandeachman’sstats.
Foster,onESPN.
Itwassurrealtoseehimonthescreen.I’dalwaysbelievedhewouldachievegreatthings.I’dbelievedinhimsohardthatthelossofthatfaithhadonlymultipliedtheemptinesswhenhewasgone.
Idroppedmygazetothefloorandtunedoutthetelevision.Itwaseasy,likeplacingapairofearmuffsovermyears.
Hehadadaughter.
AlovelygirlwhowasamirrorofVivienne,fromherchocolateeyestotheshadeofherhair—brownwithredstreaksthatglowedlikecopperstrandsunderthesun.
Myhandcametomyheart.NomatterhowhardIpressed,theachewouldn’tgoaway.Tearswelledinmyeyes.
Kadence.Cutenameforacutekid.
AnameIwouldhaveknownhadIlookedhimup.
MaybeIshouldhavelookedhimupyearsago.ButIdefinitelyshouldhavedonemyresearchwhenhe’darrivedinQuincy.BeforeI’dlethimintomyhome.Mybody.
OhmyGod,Iwasanidiot.Suchafuckingidiot.
Ofcoursetheyhadakid.Kids?Didtheyhavemorethanonechild?They’dbeenmarriedlongenoughtohaveafamily.
FosterandVivienne.AndKadence.
TheMaddens.
Myhearttwistedagain.
“Uh,areyouokay?”Dantewasstaringatmyprofile,forkhoveringabovehisplate.
“Allgood.”Iliftedtheremoteandnotchedupthevolume.ThenIwipedthecornerofmyeyeandsatstraighter,stayinguntilhismombreezedintotheroom,notcaringabitthathewaswatchingTVwhilehe’dhadhisdinner.
Theacheinmychestlingeredthroughtheremainderofmyshift.WhenIstoodinthelockerroom,staringatthetallymarksontheinsideofmylocker,thepainonlygrew.
Whatwasthepointofkeepingtrackofgooddays?ShouldIerasethelines?ShouldItossthemarkerinthetrash?I’dbeensodeterminedtowinoverthenurses,mycolleaguesandourpatients.Toprovemyself.
Theydidn’tevencallmeDr.Eden.MaybeIhadn’tearnedit.
Ipressedmyfingerstothemarks,hesitatingforamoment,beforeswipingthemaway.ThenIpulledonmycoat,slammedthelockerclosedandexitedintothecold,darknight.
ThestreetsofQuincywerequiet.Tinysnowflakesfloatedfromthesky,catchingthebeamsofmyheadlights.WhenIreachedtheturnoffMainthatwouldleadmehome,Ihesitated,almostcontinuingstraight.AlmostdrivingtotheranchforthenighttosleepatMomandDad’s.
ButIturned,knowingthatFoster’struckwouldbeparkedinfrontofmyhouse.
Itwas.
Themanhimselfsatonmyporch’stopstair.
AfterpullingtheJeepintothegarage,Itrudgedinside,myfootstepsasheavyasmyheart.FlippingonthelightsasImademywaytothefrontdoor,Islippedoutsideandjoinedhimonthestair.Wesatwithourelbowsonourknees,gazesaimedforward.
Myangerfromlastnighthadfaded.Ormaybeitwasjustmaskedwiththisnumbness.Shuttingdownseemedliketheonlywaytokeepfromfeelingtoomuch.
Itmighthavebeenpeaceful,sittinginthenight,shelteredfromthesnow.Therewerenostreetlampsinmyneighborhood.Theonlylightcamefromthehomes,goldenandcheerfulandwarm.Iwastheonlysinglepersonwholivedonthisblock.Everyotherhousebelongedtoafamily.
Itmighthavebeenpeaceful.
Excepttonight,I’dneverfeltsoalone.
“Where’syourdaughter?”Iasked.
“WithVivienneatthehotel.”Hedraggedapalmoverhisbeard.“Ithoughtyouknew.”
“HowwouldIknow?”
“Figuredyou’dlookedmeupatsomepoint.”
“Never.”
Foster’sframedeflated.“Never.”
Never.Theseverity,themagnitude,ofthatwordseemedasendlessasthenightskyabove.
“Kadencestartsschoolheretomorrow.”
Isatupstraighter.“What?”
“That’spartofwhyI’mhere.Idon’twanthergrowingupinVegas.Idon’twantherpartofthatworld.”
“Soyoucamehere?Tomyworld?”
“Quincyiswhereyouare.”
FosterhadcometoMontanaforme.I’dknownthatforweeksnow,buttonight,ithitdifferently.Hehadn’tjustmovedhimself.He’dmovedhisdaughter.Hisfamily.
“YoutoldmethatifIheardyououtandIstillwantedyoutoleave,thatyou’dgo.Youweren’tgoingtoleave,wereyou?”
Hemetmygaze.“Never.”
Never
“Ihaveneverbeen,andneverwillbe,inlovewithVivienne,”hesaid.“Ihaveneverstoppedlovingyou.”
“Foster—”
“AndIneverwill.”
Myhandcametomychestforwhatfeltlikethehundredthtimetoday.Ipressedandpressedandpressed.Butitdidnothingtostopmyheartfromcracking.Jaggedlinesbegantosplit,rightdownmycenter.
TherewasareasonIhadn’tdated.TherewasareasonIhadn’tmovedonwithmylife.WhyIdidn’thaveahusbandorfamilyofmyown.WhyIwasmarriedtomycareer.
Hisneversmirroredmyown.
That’swhythishurtsomuch.I’dgivenhimmyheartandnevertakenitback.
Istoodfromthestep,makingmywaytothesidewalk,thenIsteppedintothesnowontheyard,mytennisshoessinkingintothefluff.Theiceslippedbeneaththehemofmypants,meltingagainstmyskin.
Thisfreshsnowhadaddedaperfectlayerofwhite,likethepowderedsugarLylasprinkledonherpastries.
Iwascarefulwithmysteps,doingmybestnottoleaveunneededmarksinthepristinesurface,thenlayonmyback,legsstraightwithmyarmsatmysides.
Scrubsweren’texactlysnowgear.Mylegswereinstantlycold,butIdidn’tcare.Imadeasnowangel,raisingmyarmsandsweepingoutmylegs,allwhileIkeptmyeyeslockedonthefewstarsthatdaredshinepasttheclouds.
Fosterfollowed,joiningmeonthesnow.Helaystillforafewmoments,hiseyesontheheavens,untilhislegsmoved.Thenhisarms.Hemadehisownangel,thengaveuptheskytostareatmyface.
“Howoldisshe?”Iasked.“Yourdaughter?”
“ThereismoretosaythanIsaidlastnight.”
“Answerthequestion.”
Deepdown,Iknewtheanswer,orhadaroughidea.Iwasadoctorinasmalltown,whichmeantIsawalotofkidsinexamrooms.Kidsneedingtheiryearlycheckups.Kidsgettingshotsforkindergarten.Kidswithbumpsandbruises.Kidswhohadlosttheirfrontteeth,usuallyaroundthetimetheyweresixorseven.
Fosterblewoutalongbreath,thewispsfloatingoverthesnowaroundus.“Sheturnedsevenlastmonth.”
Seven
We’dbeenapartsevenyears.Whichmeantifthegirl’sbirthdaywasinDecember,ViviennehadbeenpregnantbeforeI’dleft.
“Inevercheatedonyou,Talia.”
Anothernever.
WasIafooltobelievethem?
“Willyouletmeexplain?”Hereachedforme,hiscoldfingersclaspingaroundmine.“Please.”
Ididn’tanswer.Ituggedmyhandfreeandstood,leavingFosterintheyardasIwentinside.
WhenIwokethenextmorningandpeekedoutthewindow,oursnowangelsweregone.Erasedbythestormandtheinchesofsnowthathadfallenovernight.
Erased,liketheyhadneverbeen.
IcriedforanhourbeforeIwenttowork.
Iwantedtheangelsback.CHAPTERTHIRTEENFOSTER
Iglancedattheclockonthemicrowave.“Shit.I’mlate.”
“Here.”Jasperopenedthefridge,grabbedabottleofwater,tossingitmyway.“Tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow.Willyoulockupbeforeyougo?”Icaughtthebottle,waved,thenjoggedforthedoor,notwaitingforhisreplyasIhustledoutsideandintothetruck.
Jasperhadbeenheresinceninethismorning,whippingmyassintoshape.InVegas,we’dstartourdaysearlier,aroundsixandendaroundlunch.ButinQuincy,ourtraininghourswouldbedictatedbyKadence’sschoolschedule.
SoJasperwouldcomeatnine,afterIdroppedKaddieoffatschool,andwe’dendbytwo,givingmejustenoughtimetotakeaquickshowerbeforeheadingintotowntopickherup.
TodaywasthefirstofficialdayoftrainingsinceI’dmoved,andJasperhadn’theldback.Afteranintensecardioandcalisthenicsrotation,we’dspenttwogruelinghoursintheringdoingtakedowndrills.AlltogetreadyforthisfightwithScottfuckingSavage.
Normally,justthinkingthatasshole’snamewouldgivemeasurgeofadrenaline.Athrillattheideaofputtingthatmouthypieceofshitinhisplace.Butmyhead,myheart,wasn’tinit.SomethingJasperhadcommentedonnumeroustimestodaywheneverhe’dcaughtmestaringoffintothedistance,thinkingaboutTalia.
Ithadbeensixdayssincewe’dmadesnowangelsinherfrontyard.
I’dgivenhertime,foolishlyhopingthatshe’dcomearound.Shehadn’t.Everydaythatwentby,myhopesfaded.
TheonlybrightpartofthepastsixdayshadbeenKadence.
MyphonerangasIdrove,Vivienne’snamepoppinguponthescreen.“Hey.”
“Hi.Howwastraining?”
“Longday,”Isaid.“I’mrunningalittlelate.”
“That’sokay.I’lljustwait.”ViviennewantedtobeonthephonewhenIpickedupKadence.Ifshecouldn’tbehereinperson,thiswasthenextbestoption.
“Youdoingokay?”Iasked.
“Ihatethis.Imissher.Phonecallsaren’tenough.”
“Iknowexactlywhatyoumean.It’stemporary.”
Shesighed.“Iknowbutitstillsucks.”
Lastweekhadbeenashortweekatschool.ViviennehadstayedinQuincy,makingsureKaddiewassettledintotheapartment.They’dslepttogetherinthebedroomandunpackedKaddie’ssuitcases,fillingherclosetanddrawers.They’dhungupsomephotosonthewallsandtriedtomakeitlikehome.
ThenViviennehadleftonSaturday.We’ddrivenherthetwohourstoMissoulatotheairport,andafteratearfulgoodbye,she’dflowntoVegaswhileKadenceandIhaddrivenhometoQuincy.
She’dcriedforalmostanhourofthattrip.AndI’dbeenhelplesstodistracthersinceI’dneededtokeepmyeyesontheroad.
ForVivienne’snexttrip,I’dcharteraplanesoshecouldflydirectlytoQuincyandlandatthesmall,localairportthatofferednocommercialflights.Atleastthatwouldsaveusallthedrive.
“Arewemakingamistake?”sheasked.
“Ihopenot.”Iblewoutalongbreath.Weweretryingtobegoodparents.Weweretryingtomaketherightdecisionsforourdaughter.Quincyheldthepromiseofawonderfullifeandchildhood.
“Isshedoingokay?”
“She’sgood,Vivi.Missesyoutoo.”
“It’stemporary,”sherepeated.“I’llbetheresoon.”
WhileIwasherewithKaddiesoshecouldstartschool,ViviennewasinVegas.Shewaspackingupthehousesowecouldputitonthemarket.She’dsellAngel’s.Shewasplanningawedding.
ShewasmovingonfromArlo’sblackmailtoo.
“Look,beforeIpickKadenceup,Ineedtotalktoyouaboutsomething,”Isaid.
“Okay.What’sup?”
“IhavetotellTaliathetruth.Thewholetruth.”IncludingVivienne’ssideofthestory.IfTaliahadletmeexplaintheothernight,Iwouldhave.
“No.Youpromisedme.”
Iclenchedmyjaw.“I’mlosingher,Vivi.Ican’tloseher.”
“I’llcomethisweekend.Canyoujustwait?Please?”
Fuck.“Fine.”
“Thankyou.”
“Yeah,”Imumbled.
Therestofthedrivetotownwasinsilence.Ijoinedtheparentpickupline,inchingforwardinthelineofcars.Thentherewasmygirl,joggingtowardthetruck,herbackpackbouncingandhercoatloopedoveranarm.
Itwastwenty-threedegreesoutside.
“Hi,Daddy.”Shesmiledassheclimbedintothebackseat.
“Hi.Whyaren’tyouwearingyourcoat?”
Shegroaned.“It’snotthatcold.”
“KadenceRoseMadden,”Viviennesaid.“Wearyourcoat.”
“Rightnow?”Hereyespleadedasshesettledintoherboosterseat.
“No,justbuckleup.”Icrankedtheheat,eventhoughIwasstillburningupfromthegym.
“Tellmeallaboutyourday,honey,”Viviennesaid.
“Itwasgood,Iguess.”Kadencetouchedthesideofherhairwherethestrandswereshorter,hiddenmostlyunlessyouknewwheretolook.
Themovementhadbecomeahabitofhers,onethatmademewince.
“Whatwasforlunch?”IaskedasIpulledawayfromtheschool.
“Pizza.”
“Ilikepizza.Wasitgood?”
“Itwasokay.”
“Didyoumakesomefriends?”Viviasked.
Kadencejustshrugged.“Sorta.”
Istudiedherthroughtherearview.Hereyeswereonherlap.Mybeautifulgirlwithabeautifulspiritwhowaslearningtooyoungthatpeople,especiallyotherkids,couldbecruel.
TherewasonlyoneelementaryschoolinQuincy.Onemiddleschool.Onehighschool.Kadencewouldgraduatewithmostofthekidsshe’dmetlastweek.Inasmallercommunity,Ihopedshe’dhavethechancetobuildcloserrelationshipswithherclassmates.ThatVivienneandIcouldgetabetterreadonparents.Thatwe’dlearnwhototrust.
Andwhonottotrust.
“Okay,Vivi,we’dbetterletyougo,”Isaid,slowingasthehospitalcameintoviewinthedistance.
“You’llcallmelater,right?”
“Yeah.”
“Bye,Mommy,”Kadencesaid.“Iloveyou.”
“Iloveyoutoo.”Viviennesniffled.She’dbecryingafterwehungup.AndIsuspectedthatherplantostayinVegasuntilsummerwouldsoonchange.Shewouldn’tlastsixmonthsthisfarawayfromourdaughter,nomatterhowoftenshevisited.
IpulledintotheparkinglotatQuincyMemorial,spottingTalia’sJeepinitsusualspot.Nomatterwhatwashappeningbetweenus,Ialwayswantedtoseeher.I’dgonetoolongwithoutherinmylife.Buttoday,partofmehopedwedidn’tbumpintoeachother.Forhersake,notmine.
ItwouldbeeasierforTaliatoseeKadenceafterVivienneexplainedthisweekend.
“Homeworktonight?”IaskedKadenceasIparkedthetruckinavisitorspot
“Spellingwords.ButIknowthemall.”
Itwistedtogiveherawink.“I’msureyoudo.”
Shewinkedback.
Isnaggedhercoat,thenheldherhandaswewalkedthroughthehospital’sentrance.Oneday,Kaddiewouldn’twantmetoholdherhand,soIhelditasoftenasshe’dletme.
Wecheckedinatthereceptiondesk,thenwaitedinthelobbyuntilanursecalledusback.ShetookKaddie’sweightandmeasuredherheightbeforesettingusupinanexamroom.
“Sothisisjustawell-childcheck?”thenurseaskedasshetookKaddie’spulse.
“That’sright.”
AflyerhadcomehomeinherbackpackFridaythatfirstandsecondgradebasketballwasstartingsoon.Kadencewantedtoplayandsinceweweremovinghere—hadmovedhere—she’dneedadoctor.SoI’dcalledandmadeanappointmentwithaDr.Anderson.
NotTalia.Notyet.Butsomeday.
Thiswasthebeginningofanotherroundinthefight.Mytacticssofarhadbeenfutile.Soitwastimetobackoff,tryanotherstrategy.
Giveherspace.Lethercontemplatethepastfromadifferentangle.
Taliahadspentsevenyearsthinkingofmeinataintedlight.Sheneededtoadjusttothisnewhue.
Thetruth.
“Anyconcerns?”thenurseasked.
“Nope.”Ishookmyhead.
“Great.”Thenursetypedafewthingsintothecomputer,thenstood.“Dr.Andersonwasjustfinishingupwithanotherpatient,thenhe’llbeinshortly.”
“Appreciateit.”Inoddedassheslippedoutoftheroom.
Kadencestartedswingingherlegsontheexamtable,thetissuepaperunderherbuttcrinkling.
“Wanttoreadabookwhilewewait?”Iasked,pointingtothebasketofbooksonthefloor.
“Nah.”
Thewallpaperwasahotairballoonpattern.TherewasadisplaycaseofHotWheelshangingononewall.Ajaroflollipopssatbesidethesinknexttoajaroftonguedepressors.
“Whatshouldwehavefordinner?”IaskedKaddie.
Beforeshecouldanswer,aknockcameatthedoor.
Itwasn’tDr.Andersonwhowalkedintotheroom.
Talia.Myheartskipped.
Shewaswearingherscrubsandawhitelabcoatwithastethoscopedrapedaroundherneck.Hersilkyhairwasupinaponytail,theendsdrapingoverashoulder.
“Hi.”Shegavemeatightsmile.“Dr.AndersonwasheldupandaskedifIcoulddoKadence’scheckup.”
“Ofcourse.”Iheldmybreathasshecameintotheexamroom,closingthedoorbehindher.
“Hi,Kadence.”Sheextendedherhandtomydaughter.“I’mTalia.”
“Hi.”Kaddiegaveherashysmile,totallyoblivioustotheflashofpainonTalia’sfacewhentheirhandstouched.
Thankfully,thatwastheonlytimeTalialookedbothered.Sheconductedtheexam,chattingwithKadenceandaskingherquestionsaboutschool.Professionalandcompassionate.ExactlythetypeofdoctorI’dalwaysknownshe’dmake.
“Mrs.Edwardsisareallyniceteacher,”Taliasaid.“Don’ttellanyoneItoldyouthis,butshe’sthebestfirst-gradeteacher.You’relucky.”
Kadencesmiled,glancinginmydirection.
“Okay,we’realldone.”Taliasatontherollingstool,shakingthemouseonthecomputer.“Didyoualreadygetyourflushots?”
Inodded.“Wedid.”
“Thenyou’reallset.”Taliahadn’tlookedatmeoncesinceshe’dstartedtheexam.Herfocushadbeenentirelyonherpatient.
Finebyme.Icouldhavekissedherforallthekindsmilesshe’dsentmydaughter.Kaddiedeservedthatattention.
“Saythanks,”Itoldmydaughter.
“Thankyou,Talia.”
“Dr.Eden,”Icorrected.
Taliahadearnedthattitle.Inthisbuilding,we’duseit.
“Dr.Eden,”Kadencerepeated.
Talialookedatmeforthefirsttime,andtherewassomethinginherexpressionIcouldn’tread.
“Whatisit?”
“Nothing.”Shewaveditoff.“Theexitisdownthehallwayandtoyourleft.”
“Wait.”Istoodbeforeshecoulddisappear.“CanIhaveaminute?”
“Um—”
“Great,thanks.”ImotionedforKadencetohopofftheexamtable.“Putonyourshoes,thenjusthanginthehallwayforaminute,okay,littlebug?IjustneedtotalktoDr.Edenforasecond.”
AssoonasKaddiewasoutthedoor,Ieaseditclosed.ThenIframedTalia’sfaceinmyhandsand,beforeshecouldstopme,sealedmylipsoverhers.Onelickofmytongueagainstherlowerlipandshewhimpered,openingforme.
Islantedmymouthoverhers,sweepinginside.God,shetastedgood.Thebestinthisdamnworld.Fireracedthroughmyveinsashertonguetangledwithmine.Herhandscametomyarms,clutchingtight.
Wecouldn’tbeover.Notyet.Notifshekissedmelikethis.
Ikissedherfastanddeep,thenlethergo.
Okay,somaybeIwasn’tgivingherspace.
“Whatwasthatfor?”sheasked,steppingaway.Herhandfloatedtoherlips,nottowipemykissaway,buttotouchit.
“Tosaythanks.”
“Foranexam?”
“ForbeingkindtoKadence.Thishasbeenahardyearforher.”
“Iwasjustdoingmyjob.”Shemadeamoveforthedoor,butIsnaggedherhandbeforeshecouldescape.
“IremembereverythingyouevertoldmeaboutQuincy.Howpeoplelefttheirhomeswithoutlockingthedoors.Howthetownwasdeckedoutintheschool’scolorswheneverateammadeittoachampionship.Icamehereforyou,Tally.I’llstayforyou.ButIcameforKadencetoo.BecauseI’ddoanythingtogiveheryourchildhoodinsteadofmine.”
Taliastudiedmyfaceforalongmoment,thennodded,tuggingoutofmygrasptoopenthedoor.Exceptshehadtorearbackwhenanotherwoman,handraisedtoknock,nearlycollidedwithher.“Oh,sorry,Rachel.”
“Talia.”Rachel’slipspursedinathinline.“I’mnotababysitter.”
“Wewerejust—”
BeforeTaliacouldfinishexplaining,Rachelsneeredandwalkedaway.
Whatthefuck?
Talia’sshouldersfellindefeat.Shemaskeditquickly,smilingatKaddiebeforewalkingaway.
Whatthehellwasthatabout?Kadencewasstandingagainstthewall,notmoving,notcausingtrouble,justwaitinglikeI’dasked.NobabysittingnecessaryforthetwominutesithadtakentokissTalia.
“Let’sgo.”IheldoutmyhandandtookKaddie’s,leadinghertowardtheexit.Butbeforewepushedthroughthedoorthatwouldtakeustothelobby,IglancedovermyshoulderjustintimetoseeTaliajoggingtocatchup.
ShehadKaddie’scoatinherhand.
We’dbothforgottenit.
“Here.”Shehandeditover,thentookastepback.Thenanother.
“Thankyou,Dr.Eden.”Idippedmychin.
Therewasthatstrangeexpressionagain.Almostconfusion.“Nobody,um…callsmeDr.Eden.”
“Doyounotlikeit?”
“No,Idon’tmind.IguessI’mjustTaliahere.MostpeopleinQuincyhaveknownmesinceIwasakid.”
“So?”Theycouldstilltreatherwiththerespectshe’dearned.
Sheliftedashoulder.“Bye,Foster.”
“Dr.Eden?”Istoppedherbeforeshecouldturnaway.
“Yeah?”Thecornerofhermouthturnedup.IfshelikedhearingmecallherDr.Eden,Ilikedsayingit.Iwasdamnproudofwhatshe’daccomplished.
“You’llneverbejustTalia.Nottome.”
Thosesparklingblueeyeslitup.AndasmuchasIhatedtolosethesmileonherface,Ididn’tmindabitwhenshegaveittoKadenceinstead.
“Seeyouaround,MissMadden.”
Kaddiegiggled.
Talialaughed.
Andjustlikethat,Iwasbackinthisfight.ROUND4
CHAPTERFOURTEENTALIA
You’llneverbejustTalia.Nottome.
InthefourdayssinceFosterandKadencehadcometothehospital,I’dreplayedhiswordsahundredtimes.Athousand.Andeverytime,myheartachedalittleless.Myangerfadedalittlemore.
Timewashealing.
Soweretruths.
“Goodnight,”Itoldthenurseatthereceptioncounterinthehospital’slobbyasIstrodepastherdesk.“Haveagreatweekend.”
“Youtoo,Talia,”shesaidwithawave.
ShouldIcorrecther?ShouldIaskeveryonetocallmeDr.Eden?No.Thatwouldonlymakeitawkward.Andforwhat?Mypride?Myego?AllIwantedwasforpeopletotrustmeastheirdoctor.Theircolleague.Ididn’tneedthetitle.
ButIalsowouldn’tmindit.
Funnyhowtheonlypersonwho’dinsistedoncallingmeDr.EdenhadbeenFoster.Amanwhoknewmeintimately.Amanwhohadwhisperedmynamewhilebeinginsidemybody.Buthe’dinsistedoncallingmeDr.Eden.He’dinsistedKadencedothesame.
WasthatwhyI’dkissedhim?OrbecausewhenitcametoFoster,Ihadnocontrol?
God,thatkiss.Awomancouldsurviveonakisslikethateachday.Justthinkingaboutitmademyheartflutter.Resistinghimwasimpossible.
FosterMaddenhadapresenceaspowerfulasathunderclap.
Iwasthewomanwho’dalwayslovedhiswildstorm.
Whatwerewedoing?Forsomanyyears,mynextstepshadbeenplanned.ThepathstretchedbeforemesolongthatIhadn’tworriedaboutwhatwaswaitingattheend.
Undergrad.Medschool.Residency.Theendoftheroadwasinsight.Theyearshadpassedinablur.Whatnext?
WhataboutFoster?
Overandover,I’dreplayedwhathe’dtoldmeaboutArlo.AboutVegasandthefights.Aboutbeingtrapped.He’dsaidtherewasmoretodiscuss.Therewas.
Kadence.
Fosterhadpromisedhe’dnevercheatedonmewithVivienne.Wasitfoolishtobelievehim?Foraweek,I’dsearchedmyheartfordoubtsandcomeupempty.
Whowasthatlittlegirl?Thebetterquestionwasn’twho…butwhose?IfnotFoster,thenwhowasherfather?
Idroveawayfromthehospitalandheadeddowntown,parkinginthelotbehindthehotelbesidemybrother’struck.
KnoxhadtextedmeearliertonighttoseeifIwantedtoeatatKnuckles.Maybehe’dheardthatLylaandIwerecurrentlynotspeakingtoeachother.OrmaybeLylahadtoldhimaboutFoster.
I’dbeenavoidingmyfamilyforaweekbecauseIdidn’twantthemplayingmediatorsbetweenLylaandme.Butitwastimetoshowmyface,andwhenitcametomysiblings,weallpickedfavorites.
Mateowasmine.ButsincehewascurrentlyflyingplanesinAlaskaandrelativelyoutoftouch,Iwasgoingtomysecondfavorite—Knox.EventhoughhisfavoritewasLyla.
Iwalkedinsidethehotel,havingtradedmyscrubsinthelockerroomforjeansandanavysweater.
Eloisewasatthefrontdeskwiththephonesandwichedbetweenhershoulderandearsoshecouldtypewithbothhands.
Itappedthecounterandwavedsoshe’dknowIwashere.
“Oneminute,”shemouthed.
Leavinghertofinishthecall,Iwalkedtothesittingareanexttothelobby’sfireplaceandstoodbesidethehearth,soakinginitswarmth.
Thishotelhadbeeninourfamilyforgenerations.MomhadmanageditwhenIwasyounger,workingherewhileDadhandledtheranch.Butinrecentyears,EloisehadclaimedTheEloiseashers.Fitting.
Therewasavanillacandleburningonthecoffeetable,thescentminglingwiththefire.Smokeandsweetness.Theholidaydecorationshadbeentakendown,butshe’dkeptthesmallgoldenlightswrappedaroundthewindowsthatoverlookedMain.
EloisehadprobablylitthisfireherselfsothelobbywouldbecozyandwelcomingonacoldJanuarynight.Thiswasherhotel,evenifhernamewasn’tofficiallyonthedeedquiteyet.Myyoungestsisterhadgrownintoonehellofabusinesswoman.
FootstepssoundedbehindmeandIturned.MaybeEloisecouldjoinusfordinner—Mysmiledropped.
Vivienne.
Seeingherwasinevitable.I’dknownthismomentwascoming.Thatdidn’tmakeiteasier.Whatwasshedoinghereatthehotel?
“Hi.”Hervoicewasshakyasshestoppedbehindacouch.
Shelookedgrownup.IguessIprobablylookedthesame.Herchestnuthairwasshorterthanithadbeenincollege,fallingpasthershoulders.Herfacewasjustasbeautiful,thefeaturesmoredefined.HerChanelbagwasslungoverashoulder.HercoatwasfromPrada.ShelookedstunningandrichandeverybitafamousUFCfighter’swife—ex-wife.
Aflareofrage,ofbitternessbornfrombetrayal,causedmymusclestotense.Ifistedmyhands,myspinerigid.
Shetouchedtheleather,thentookherhandsaway,tuckingthemintothepocketsofhercoatonlytotakethemoutagainandputthemback.Sheshouldbenervous.“It’sgoodtoseeyou.”
Iarchedaneyebrow.
Fosterhadbeenblackmailedintothismarriage.Butwhatwasherexcuse?She’dknownhowmuchI’dlovedhim.Howmanynightshadwespentinourapartment,laughingandgossiping?Howmanytimeshadsheteasedmeforhavingheartsinmyeyes?
Andshe’dtakenhim.She’dtakenmyplace.
Vivienneopenedhermouth,thenclosedit,strugglingforwords.Shemightnothavethem,butIdid.
“Youweremybestfriend.ItoldyoumorethanItoldmytwinsister.Ilovedyou.Howcouldyou?”Withoutwaitingforheranswer,Istrodefromthefireplace,keepingmyeyeslockedonEloisestillatthefrontdesk.
“Talia,please.”Viviennesteppedcloser,herhandstretchingout.
Ishiedaway,notwantinghertotouchme.
“I’msorry.”
“Everyoneissorrythesedays,”Isaid.
“NoonemorethanFoster.”Hershouldersfell.“He’salwayslovedyou.Always.Heregrettedeverythingthathappened.Hatemeifyouneedto.Butnothim.”
“Defendingyourhusband?”Ihatedthatshecouldclaimthattitle.
“Pleaseletmeexplain.”
“Everyonehasapologiesandexplanations.I’msosickofexplanationsthatcomesevenyearstoolate.Fuckyou.”
Herprettyfacepaled.
Damnit.Anickyfeelingcreptbeneathmyskin.Iwasn’tmean.Ididn’tlikebeingmean.SoitwastimetogobecauseIwasangry,andI’dsaythingsthatwouldonlymakeusbothfeelworse.
“Iwaspregnant,”Vivienneblurted.
Somuchformyescape.Ifacedher,crossingmyarmsovermychest.“Obviously.Imetyourdaughter.”
Viviennesteppedcloser,glancingoverhershouldertowardthedoorbeforeloweringhervoice.“Kadenceisn’t…sheisn’tFoster’sbiologicalchild.”
Relief.Sweetreliefthatmyguesshadn’tbeenwrong.ThatFosterhadn’tcheated.Butwho?IfnotFoster,thenwho?Itwasonthetipofmytonguetoask,butIkeptmylipslockedtogether.
“Kadencedoesn’tknow,”Viviennesaid.“Shedoesn’tneedtoknow.Fosterisherdad.Sheloveshim.Helovesher.Andhelovesyou.Ifyoustillhavefeelingsforhim,pleasegivehimasecondchance.”
Thepleadinginhereyesmademeuncrossmyarms.
“Heusedtotalkaboutyou,”shesaid.“Allthetime.Especiallyinthoseearlyyears.TaliathisandTaliathat.Itwaslikehewantedtosaythingsoutloudsohewouldn’tforgethowmuchyoulikedstrawberryicecreamorhavingBravooninthebackgroundwhileyoustudied.Howyou’donlywearhisT-shirtstobedandhumalongwiththehairdryer.”
FosterhadtalkedaboutmewhileI’dtriedmyhardestnottoeventhinkhisname.
“I’dgetsojealous,”Viviennesaid.
“Becauseyouwereinlovewithhim.”
“No.”Shescoffed.“Nooffense,butgross.Fosterismybestfriendintheworldbuthemightaswellbemybrother.MaybeifIhadn’tknownthathe’dalreadygivenyouhisheart,thatwouldbedifferent.Butitneverwas.Idon’tlovehim.”
“Thenwhywereyoujealous?”
“Becausehewillloveyouforhisentirelife.Whetheryouforgivehimornot.That’swhyI’mjealous.”
Alumpformedinmythroat.“Hebrokeme.”
Viviennenodded.“I’msorry.I’msorryforwhatmyfatherdid.I’msorryIdidn’trecognizethemonsterinhimsooner.I’msorryformyroleinittooandnotpushinghardertochangethesituation.I’msosorry,Talia.Iwishwecouldgoback.Dobetter.Butthat’swhyhe’shere.Tofixourmistakes.”
Shelovedhim.Maybenotaromanticlove,buttheloveoffamily.ShewouldpleadFoster’scase,droptoherkneesandbeg,becauseshelovedhim.
She’dhadyearstolovehim.Tobehisfriend.VivienneknewhimbetterthanIdid.Shewasn’ttheonlyonewhowasjealous.
“Hey.”Eloiseappearedatmyside,asmileonherface.
ItoremygazefromVivienneandhuggedmysister.“Hi.”
“What’sup?”SheglancedbetweenVivienneandme,probablytryingtofigureoutwhyIwastalkingtoher.MaybeViviwasaguesthereagain.
“Justchatting,”Isaid.“I’mhavingdinneratKnuckles.”
“Oh,fun.”Eloisepointedtowardthereceptioncounter.“I’mmanningthefrontdeskforafewmorehours,otherwiseI’djoinyou.”
“I’llbringyouadessert,”Itoldher,thencastonelastglanceatVivienne.
Shehadtearsinhereyes.Maybeshe’dthoughtanapologywoulderasethepast.Maybeshewasright.Butnottonight.
SoItookastepaway,walkingwithEloisetothedesk,whereIlefthertoworkwhileIcontinuedtoKnuckles.
Knox’srestaurantwasbustling,likeitwasmostFridaynights.ConversationandlaughterfilledtheroomfromwalltowallasIfollowedthewaitresstoaboothKnoxhadreservedforme.Thedarkandmoodyatmospherefitmyown.
“CanIgetyouanythingbesideswatertodrink?”sheasked.
“Wine.Red.Anyredinanybig,bigglass.”
Shelaughed.“Yougotit,Talia.”
“Thanks.”Istrippedoffmycoatandslidintothebooth,sinkingintotheseatandclosingmyeyes.
Tooharsh.I’dbeentooharshtoVivienne.ThoughIwasn’ttheonewho’dmarriedherbestfriend’sboyfriend.
ThetableshiftedandIopenedmyeyes,expectingmybrother.
ButitwasFosterwhotooktheoppositesideofthebooth.Myheartleapt.Italwaysleapt,thetraitorousorgan.
“Whatareyoudoing?”
Heansweredbypluckingthewinelistfromwhereitwasproppedagainstthebrickwall.
“Foster,”Idrawled.
“Talia.”
Iglancedovermyshoulder.WereVivienneandKadencenearby?
“Theywentouttodinnertogether.VivienneisvisitingfortheweekendbeforesheheadsbacktoVegas.”
“Andyou’renotjoiningthem?”
“Nope.”
Thewaitressreturnedwithmywine,startledbyFoster’spresence.“Oh,I’msorry.Knoxsaidhewaseatingwithyoutonight.”
“Heis—”
“Not.”Fostergaveherhismostcharmingsmile.“Changeofplan.I’llhaveredwinetoo.WhateverTalia’shaving.”
“Foster,”Iwarned,butheignoredme.
“Whatisyourspecialtonight?”heaskedthewaitress.
Sherattleditoff,thenafterheorderedoneforusboth,sheleftusalone,probablytoinformKnoxthatIhadadate.
“You’reexhausting.”Itookalonggulpfrommywineglass.
Hesmirked,reachingacrossthetabletotakemyfreehandinhis.“Viviennesaidyoutalked.”
“Iwasmeantoher.”Shit.“AndnowIfeelguilty.”
“She’llbeokay.”Histhumbstrokedmyknuckles.“Whatdidshetellyou?”
“ShetoldmeaboutKadence.”
“Good.”Hesighed,likethatwastheanswerhe’dhopedI’dgive.“Itwasimportanttoherthatshebetheonetotellyou.”
“Why?”
Hethreadedhisfingersthroughmine,staringatthemlikehe’dforgottenwhatitlookedliketohaveourhandsintertwined.“Webothhaveregrets.Vivicarriesalotofguiltbecauseitwasherdadwhoputusinthisposition.”
“WhathappenedwithherandArlo?”Vivihadcalledhimamonsterinthelobby,butwhenI’dlivedinVegas,she’dadoredhim.“Shesaidshewaspregnant.Whois—”
“Me.IamKadence’sfather.Sheismine.”TherewasanedgetoFoster’svoicebeforeheswallowedhard,clearinghisthroat.“Andsheisnotmine.”
Thewaitressappearedatthatmoment,deliveringFoster’sglassofwine.Henoddedhisthanks,thentookasip.Allwhilehekepthishandclaspedwithmine
Ididn’ttrytotakeitaway.Atthemoment,helookedlikeheneededit.
“Viviennewasfivemonthspregnantwhenyouleft.WhenArloblackmailedmeafterthatfight.”
“Fivemonths?”Isearchedmymemoriesforanysigns.Shehadn’tbeenshowing,whichwasnormalthatearlywithafirstpregnancy.AndVivienne’sstylehadtrendedtowardbohochicwithflowytopsandlayeredpieces.Icouldn’trememberherbeingsick.Icouldn’trememberherdatinganyone.
“Shewasseeingaguy.Theymetatthegym,butIdidn’tknowhim.Iguesshecameinandout,wasthereforashorttime.Probablybecauseitwasawell-knownfactthatifanyonetouchedArlo’sdaughter,theyweredead.”
“Itwas?”
“Oh,yeah.”Fosterhuffed.“OnlyaguywithadeathwishwouldhavechasedViviatAngel’s.Arlowantedthattobehersafeplace.Ifanyonelookedathertoolong,oneofuswouldruntheguyoff.”
“Butnotthisone.”
Fostershookhishead.“Shekeptitquiet,andhestoppedcomingtothegym.Shesaiditwascasual,mostlythey’dmeetandhookup.Thenshegotpregnant.Gotscared.Shewasn’tsurehowtotellanyone,includingthisguy.Iguesshe’dmadesomecommentsaboutnotwantingkids.”
“Oh.”Viviennehadbeengoingthroughallofthatwhilewe’dbeenlivingtogether.WhatkindoffriendwasIthatIhadn’tnoticed?“Shedidn’tsayathingtome.”
“Shekeptitasecretfromeveryone.Ithinkshewasworkingupthecouragetotellthisguyfirst.Shewentovertohisplaceonenighttotellhimbutwalkedintoabadsituation.Thisguyhadaroommate.Theroommate’sgirlwasmouthy.Vivisaidshewasalotofdrama.Vivienneheardthiscommotionintheapartment,soshepeekedinside.Herguyandhisroommateweretakingturnspunchingandkickingthiswoman.”
Igasped.“OhmyGod.”
“ViviennewentstraighttoArlo.Itwastheweekofmyfight.”
“Itwasbecauseofthebabythatshemarriedyou,wasn’tit?”I’dassumedshe’dbeeninlovewithhim.
“Vivi’sguywasinagang.”
“Whatgang?”
“Thekindwheremembersendupdeadmoreoftenthannot.Thekindwithcloseconnectionstodrugcartels.”
Igaped.“AndViviennedidn’tknow?”
Fostershookhishead.“Notaclue.NotuntilafterArlolaiditout.Whenshetoldhimshewaspregnantandtoldhimwhatshesawatthatapartment,Arlowentballistic.”
“Andthat’swhenhedecidedyouweregoingtogetmarried.”
“Yeah.Hehadmebytheballs.Sohejustkepttwisting.ArlowantedViviennesafe.Hewantedhertohavemoney.Security.Andyeah,shecouldhavemovedinwithhim.Arlocouldhavewatchedoutforher.Butwhy,whenIwasalong-termsolutionwithenoughearningpotentialforher,thebaby,andhimontop?Hewantedhisdaughtermarriedtothemanofhischoosing.Hesawherfearandthechancetotakecontrol,sohecapitalizedonit.”
“WhywouldVivienneagree?”ShecouldhavetoldArlotogotohellandnotmarriedFoster.
“Shewasterrified.Shewantedtokeepthebaby.AndArlo,thatmanipulativesonofabitch,tookeverythingheknewaboutthatgangandthrewitinherface.Madesureshewasn’tjustscared,butpetrified.Toldherthatifshedidn’tmarryme,thisguymightfigureitout.Mighttrytohurtherbeforeshecouldhavethebaby.Thatthebestwaytoavoiditwastomaketheworldthinkthiskidwasmine.”
Thecost?Myheart.“Doyouthinkitwastrue?Doyouthinkthisguywouldhavehurther?”
“Maybe.Moreimportantly,Viviennebelievedit.Soshewentalongwithherfather’swishes.ArloknewI’dneverhurtVivi.HeknewIcouldprovideforher,andifIwashisson-in-law,itwasjustanotherwaytoshovethosehooksdeeperintomyspine.”
“Andtheguyfromthegang?Whatabouthim?”
“AmonthbeforeKadencewasborn,heshowedatthegymlookingforVivi.Hewasstonedoutofhisdamnmind.Reekedofbooze.ItoldhimImarriedher.Liedandsaidwe’dbeenhookingupforyears.”
“Hebelievedyou?”
Fostershrugged.“Weneversawhimagain.Abouttwoyearsago,Arlocametothegymwithanobituary.”
“Hedied.”
Fosternodded.“Twogunshotwoundstothechest.”
Itensed.“Whoknowsaboutthis?”
“Me.Vivi.Jasper.Arlo.”Heblewoutalongbreath.“Andyou.I’dliketokeepthatlistasshortaspossible.”
BecauseKadencewashisdaughterandhewouldn’tloseher.
“SomedayKaddiewillneedtoknow,”hesaid.“Buteventhen,itwon’tchangethefactthatI’mherfather.Sheismydaughter.”
“Sheisyourdaughter.”JustlikeDrakewasKnox’sson,evenifitwasn’tEdenbloodinDrake’sveins.Hewasours.LikeKadencewasFoster’s.
“SoArloconvincedViviennetomarryyou,”Isaid.“Butifthatguybelievedyouanddisappeared,whydidn’tyougetyourmarriageannulled?Orwhynotafterherexdied?Whydidshestaymarriedtoyou?”
“Arloneverleteitherofusforgetthecardshewasholding.HeremindedViviennethathe’druinmycareerifwegotdivorced.He’dpaintmeasacriminal,andsinceKadenceisn’tmine,he’dfileacustodysuittotakeheraway.ClaimthatViviennewasunfit.”
“Couldhedothat?”
Fostershrugged.“Itwouldhavebeenbullshit,andwewouldhavefoughtit.Butitwouldhavebeenafuckingmessregardless.Andthepersonwhowouldhavesufferedthemostwas—”
“Kadence.”
“Yeah.”Hegavemeasadsmile.“VivienneandIweren’twillingtoriskherhappinesssimplytotestArlo.Heneverletgoofthestrings.Everyyearhejustwoundthemtighter.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Besidesruiningme,heneverletmeforgetwhathecoulddotoyou.”
Myeyesbuggedout.“Me?Iwasgone.”
“MaybefromLasVegas.”Fostertappedhisheart.“Butnothere.Arlosawitplainasday.Icouldn’triskit.”
SoFosterandViviennehadplayedintoArlo’shands.Everyonehadstayedquietuntilthedayhe’ddied.
Myheadwasspinningagain.Swirlingaroundthetruth,tryingtomakesenseofwhatI’dconvincedmyselfsinceleavingVegas.Maybetherehadbeenabetterway.Apaththatwouldn’thavebeensohardforusall.
WouldIhavedonedifferentlyinVivienne’splace?OrFoster’s?
Therewasnowaytoknow.
“Idon’tknowwhattosaytoallofthis.”MaybeIshouldhavebeenlivid.Butdamn,Iwastiredofbeingangry.Iwastiredofbeinghurtandconfused.Ididn’thavetheenergyforanyofittonight.“Iwishyouhadtoldme.”
“Whatifweforgot?”Fosterasked,histhumbcaressingmyhand.“Whatifweforgotthepast?Whatifweforgottheworld,justfortonight?”
“I’dliketoforget.Justfortonight.”Thewordsslippedpastmylips.ThesmilethatstretchedacrossFoster’sfacemadethemworthit.
Thewaitressappeared,twoplatesinhandwithKnox’sfamouscheeseburgersandfries.Shesetthemdown,forcingFostertoreleasemyhand.“Anythingelse?”sheasked.
“Ranch,”Fostersaid.“Please.”
Hedidn’tlikeranch.ButIdid.
Igrabbedthebottleofketchup,twistingopenthecap,justasFosterliftedthetomatoesoffhisplateandputthemonmine.“Youcouldhaveordereditwithouttomatoes.”
“Butyoulikethem.”Hedidn’t.ButIdid.“Doyourememberourfirstdate?”
Ilaughed.“Youmeanthetimeyouambushedmeatmyfavoritediner?Yourtacticshaven’tchanged.”
“Itworkedformethen.”Hechuckled,thelightinhiseyesdancing.“Figured,whynottryagain?”
We’dbeenflirtingatAngel’sformonths.IthadgoneonsolongthatI’dbeguntothinkI’dmisreadeverythingbetweenusbecauseFosterhadn’toncehintedatadate.
Instead,he’djusttakenit.IntrueFosterfashion.
He’dfoundoutfromViviennethatIlikedtostudyatthisfifties-themeddinernotfarfromourapartment.Theboothswerespacious.Itwasrarelybusy.AndeventhoughthesmellofgreasewouldstickinmyhairsobadlyI’dhavetoshowerwheneverIgothome,thescentremindedmeofhome.OfcominghomefromschooltofindMominthekitchen,fryingburgersfordinnerbecauseDadalwayssaidhecouldeatacheeseburgerforeverymealfortherestofhislifeanddieahappyman.
Fosterhadslidintomyboothatthatdineronenight,exactlylikehehadtonight,andwe’dtalkedforhours.We’dbeennearlyinseparablefromthatmomenton.
“Iwanttostartover,Tally.”
Itsoundedsoeasy.Sosimple.Fosterandme,startingfresh.“Doyoureallythinkthat’spossible?”
Heshrugged.“Whynot?Unlessyou’reafraidtotry.”
“Areyoubaitingme?”
Fostersmiled,arrogantandassured.“Isitworking?”
Ifoughtasmileandtookadrinkofmywine.Maybe.Maybeitwas.CHAPTERFIFTEENFOSTER
“Fuck,it’scold.”Jasperrubbedhishandstogether,blowingonthemashebouncedonhistoesinthering.
“Ineedtobuymorespaceheaters.”Irubbedmytemples.Ifonlythisheadachewouldgoaway.
Butitwouldn’t.Becausetheheadachewasdirectlytiedtomyfurnace—thefurnacethathadquitworkingfivedaysago.I’dcomehomefrommydinnerwithTaliatoafreezingcoldgym.
IprobablyshouldhaveexpecteditwithhowhardthedamnthinghadbeenrunningsinceI’dboughtthisplace.Ishouldhavehadsomeoneinspectitearlier.
Theguywho’dcometolookatitSaturdayhadlaughed,sayingIwasluckyithadworkedthislong.
Therewasnorepairingit.IfthishadbeenVegas,Iprobablywouldhavehadanewonethatsameday.ExceptthiswasQuincyandthey’dneededtoorderareplacementbecausethetwotheyhadonhandwerespokenfor.Myfurnacewouldn’tarriveuntilFriday.
Soforthepastfivedays,I’dbeenheatingthegymandapartmentwithelectricspaceheaters.
“Ofcoursethisdoesn’thappeninthespringorsummer,”ItoldJasper.“Hastohappenonthecoldestdamnweekoftheyear.”
Thehightodaywasforecastedtobethree.Threefuckingdegreesabovezero.
“Mytoesarenumb,”hegrumbled.
“Minetoo.”Mostoftheheaterswereintheapartment,makingsureitstayedwarmenoughforKadence.Theonesoutherewerebarelycuttingthechill.Thegymwassimplytoobigandthetemperaturetoolow.
“I’mnotcutoutforMontana,”hesaid.
Iscoffed.“I’mnotsureIameither.”
Thismorning,I’dtakenKadencetoschooldressedlikeamarshmallowinherbibs,puffercoat,boots,hatandmittens.Thesnowwasanoveltyforher,partoftheadventure.Butevenshe’dcomplainedaboutthecold,andontheridetoschoolthismorning,she’dbeensullenandquiet.
“Okay.”Irolledmyshouldersandjumpedupanddown,gearingupforwhateverelseJasperhadplannedfortoday’strainingsession.We’dbeenatitforhours,eachofuspushinghardsimplybecauseifweweremoving,weweren’tfreezing.“What’snext?”
“Iwanttopracticesomesweeps.I’vebeenstudyingvideosfromSavage’spreviousfightsandInoticedapatterninhislaterrounds.Whenhegetsgassed,hesinksintohisheels.Mightbeanopportunitytosweepforatakedown.”
“Allright.”Icrackedmyneckandgotintomyfightingstance,armsraised
Jaspermirroredmyposition,facingoff.
Istoppedworryingaboutthecold.Istoppedthinkingaboutanythingoutsideofthisring.Ifocusedonmyopponent,readytojab,fakeakickbyraisingmyknee,thensweepmyleadlegagainsthis,hopingtogethimoff-balance.
ExceptbeforeIcouldmove,thechimeofmyphonefilledtheair.
“Ah.Sorry.”Irushedtothesideofthering.Theschool’snameflashedonthescreen.“Hello?”
“IsthisFoster?”awomanasked.
“Yes.”
“ThisisDenise,theschoolnurse.I’vegotKadencewithmeandshe’sgota100.3fever.”
I’dstartedrippingoffmyshinpadsbeforeshe’devenfinishedhersentence.“I’llberightthere.”
“What’sgoingon?”JasperaskedasIhungup,takingofftheothershinpad.
“Kadenceissick.Igottago.”
“WhatcanIdo?”
“Idon’thaveanykidsTylenol.”Fuck.“Orathermometer.”
Whyhadn’tIboughtanymedicine,justincase?Iduckedbetweentheropes,rushingtotheapartmenttopullonahoodieandapairofsweatsovermyshorts.WhenIcameoutwithkeys,Jasperwaspullingonhisshoes,dressedsimilarlytome.
“I’llhitthestoreandgetsupplies.Meetyoubackhere.”
“Thanks.”Inoddedandjoggedforthedoor.
Theoutsideairwasafrigidslaptotheface,thewindbitingintomyskin,soIquickenedmysteps,blastingtheheatinthetruckasIspedintotownandwhippedintotheschool’sparkingloop.
KadencewaswaitingbythefrontdeskwiththenursewhenIburstthroughthefrontdoor.
“Hi,littlebug.”Idroppedtoakneeandpressedonepalmtoherforeheadwhiletheothertookthebackpackoffhershouldersandslungitovermine.“Notfeelinggood?”
Sheshookherhead.
Iglanceduptothenurse.“DoIneedtocheckheroutoranything?”
“We’lltakecareofit.Feelbetter,Kadence.”
Sheforcedasmile,lookinglikeshewasabouttocry.Guesshermoodthismorninghadn’tbeenaboutthecold,butaboutfeelingcrappy.
Butshe’dmadeitnearlythroughthewholeday.Whyhadn’tshetoldmeshewasn’tfeelingwell?Ormadetheschoolcallmesooner?
“Let’sgohome.”Ipickedherup,thankedthenurse,thencarriedmygirltothetruck.Whenshewasbuckledinherseat,Ipressedakisstohertempleandhurriedtothedriver’sside.
“Daddy?”sheaskedasIpulledontotheroad.
“Yeah?”
“AmIgonnamissschooltomorrow?”
Iglancedatherthroughtherearviewmirror.“Idon’tknow.Dependsonhowyou’refeeling.Why?”
Thecornersofhermouthturneddown.“Weweresupposedtohaveapopcornparty.”
“Isthatwhyyoudidn’ttellmeyouwerefeelingickythismorning?”
Herchindropped.“It’sMaggie’sbirthdaytodayandshebroughtcupcakes.”
Mysweetgirl.
Ifeltawfulthatshewasmissingfunandsofuckinghappythatshewantedtobeatschool,thatshewasmakingfriends.“Ifyoumissittomorrow,I’llgetyoupopcorn,okay?Themostimportantthingiswegetyoufeelingbetter.”
Sheslumpedagainstthedoor,andbythetimewemadeittothegym,shewasasleep.
Jasperhadn’tmadeitbackfromthestoreyet,soIcarriedKadenceinside,strippingoffhercoatandgettingherintobed.ThenIdugmyphonefrommypocketandcalledthefirstpersonwhocametomind,hopinglikehellshehadn’tchangedhernumber.
“Hello?”Taliaanswered.
“Hey.”
“Foster?”
Thesurpriseinhervoicewasanotherpunchinthegut.“Youdeletedmynumber.”
“Oh,um…yeah.”
She’derasedmycontactinfowhileI’dkeptherssafeandmemorizedher406numberjustincase.Thatwasonme,notTalia.Andatthemoment,Ididn’thavetimetoworryoverpastmistakes.
“Kadenceissick.She’sgotafever.”
“Whattemp?”
“It’s100.3.”
“Haveyougivenheranything?”
“Notyet.”Istalkedtoawindow,searchingdowntheroadforJasper’sYukon.“ShouldIbringhertothehospital?I’mstartingtofreakout.”
“Hassheneverbeensickbefore?”
“Yeah,shehas.ButIdon’tdogoodwiththisstuff.Vivienneisthecalmparent.”
Therewasajingleinthebackground,likeshe’dpickedupasetofkeys.“I’llbeoverinaminute.”
“You’renotworking?”
“Nottoday.Seeyouinafew.”
TheairrushedoutofmylungsasIendedthecall.ThenIpacedtheapartment,callingViviennenext,andwhenshedidn’tanswer,Ileftamessage.
EverytimeIpassedaspaceheater,itwastoohot.WhenIgotclosetoawindoworthedoorway,itwastoocold.
Kadencehadn’toncecomplainedabouttheapartmentorthegym.Mygirlwasatrooper.Butherroomwassmall,anddespiteVivienne’seffortstohangphotosanddecorate,itwasn’thome.Thisplacewasn’tahome.
“Hi.”Jasperwalkedintotheapartmentwithaplasticgrocerysackinonehand.IwassostuckinmyheadIhadn’tnoticedhimdriveup.
“WhatthehellwasIthinkinglivinghere?”Ithrewanarmintheair.“Ishouldhaveahouse.Arealhomewithtwobedroomsandagoddamnworkingfurnace.”
“Maybeyoushouldcrashwithmeforafewdaysuntiltheygettheheatworking.”
“I’mgoingtocallthehotel.”TheA-framehe’drentedwasnice,butitwassmallandtherewouldn’tberoomforallthreeofus.Itwasn’tmuchbiggerthanthisapartment.“Thanksforoffering.Andforgoingtothestore.”
“Anytime.”
Idraggedahandthroughmyhair,myeyescasttothebedroom.“Ihateitwhenshe’ssick.Ifeelhelpless.”
“She’llbefine.”Jasperputthebagonthecounterjustasacardoorslammed.Webothglancedtothewindow,watchingasTaliahoppedoutofherJeep.“Lookslikeyoucalledinreinforcements.”
“Yeah.”
“Hollerifyouneedanything.”Hewalkedoutoftheapartment,hisvoicelowashegreetedTalia.
“Hi.”Shesteppedacrossthethresholdandmylungsfilledwithair.Icouldbreatheagain.
“Hi.Thanksforcoming.”
“Sure.”Shewalkedstraightforthecounter,riflingthroughthebagJasperhadbrought.“Youhaven’tgivenheranythingyet,right?”
“No,notyet.”
“Okay.”Sheworkedefficiently,pouringsomeredmedicineintothetinyplasticcup.Then,withthethermometerinhand,shewenttothebedroom,sittingontheedgeofthebedasshecoaxedKadenceawake.“Hi,MissMadden.Yourdadsaysyou’renotfeelingsogood?”
Sheshookherhead.“Uh-uh.”
“Canyousitupforme?”
Kaddieobeyed,hereyelidsdroopy.
Taliatookhertemperature,stillhigh,thenhelpedKaddiedrinkdowntheTylenol.Thenshetuckedmydaughterintobedbeforeweretreatedtothekitchen.
“Thankyou,”Isaid,easingKadence’sdoorclosed.“Viviennewasalwaysinchargeofthissortofthing.Igetalittleworkedup.”
“Andsheis…nothere?”
“She’sbackinVegas.It’snotanidealarrangement,butit’sonlytemporary.She’llmovesoonerorlater,butwewantedtogetKadenceintoschoolhereassoonaspossible.”
“Ah.”Talianodded,pullingthesleevesofhercoatoverherfingers.“It’schillyinhere.”
“Thefurnacebroke.”Iscrubbedmyhandsovermyface.“Itwon’tbefixeduntilFriday.I’vebeentryingtostickitout,butI’mgoingtocallthehotel.Seeifthey’vegotaroom.”Timetotapout.
“I’msurewhateverbugshehasisn’trelated.She’sinanewschool.Newfriendscomewithnewgerms.”
“Butthecoldcan’tbehelping.It’sdraftyandcramped.Ifshe’sstillsickonFriday,Iwanthertogetsomerest,andifthey’reputtinginanewfurnace,itwillbeloud.Andtobehonest,I’msickofsleepingonthecouch.”
TaliaglancedatthecouchandtheblanketsI’dfoldedonaseatthismorning.
“Knowanyonewhohasaplaceforrent?”Iasked.“Orforsale?”
“It’sJanuary.Quincydoesn’texactlyhaveaboominghousingmarket,especiallyinthewinter.”
Isighed.Myassholeofarealtorshouldhavetoldmeabouttheconditionofthegym.OrIshouldhaveaskedforavirtualwalk-through.Maybeifhe’dknownIwasbringingmydaughtertolivehere,hewouldhavewarnedmeagainstit.Damn,Ishouldhaveboughtahouse.
“Youguysshouldcomestayatmyplace,”Taliasaid.
“Huh?”Iblinked.HadIheardthatright?“Seriously?”
“Youcanstayatthehotelifyouwant,butyou’llneedakitchen.Ihappentohaveakitchenandtwoguestbedrooms.I’llalsogivemyrealtoracall,seeifshehasanythingonthemarket.”
Iwasstillstuckontheinvitation.“You’dreallyletusstay?”
“Ifyouwant.”Sheshrugged.“Butifyou’dratherstayhere,then—”
“Tenminutes.”Iheldupahand,alreadymovingtowardthebedroom.“Justgivemetenminutestopacksomestuff.”
“Howaboutyoulethersleep?”Taliadugherkeysfromhercoatpocket.“Comeoverwhenshewakesup.I’llstopatthestoreandgrabsomesoupfordinner.”
Wasthisadream?“’Kay.”
“Seeyouinabit.”Shewavedandheadedout,leavingmestuckinplace.ThenIglancedaround,reallylookingattheapartment.Itwasafarcrybetterthanwhatithadbeen.Itwascleanandtidy.Buttherewasnolifehere.Thiswasfitforabachelor,notalittlegirl.
AndifTaliawaswillingtoletmebecloser,I’djumpatthechance.FormeandforKadence.
WhileKadenceslept,Imovedaroundtheapartment,packingquietly.Viviennecalledandcheckedin,andafterwetalkedforafewminutes,Imadesurethespaceheaterswerepluggedinandclosetothesinks,withoneinthebathroom,sohopefullythepipeswouldn’tfreeze.Therewasnootherchoicebuttoleavethemrunning,evenifIwasn’there.Butifthebuildingburneddown,well…Iwouldn’tbeheartbroken.
ItwasnearlydarkoutsidebythetimeKadencestirredfromhernap.Ihadhersuitcaseandmyownpackedandloadedintothetruck,soallIhadtodowascarryheroutsideandbuckleherintoherseat.
“Wherearewegoing?”Sheyawned,cuddlingherfavoritegreenblankie.
“We’regoingtostaywithTaliaforalittlebit.Untilwegettheheatworkingatthegym.”
“Okay.”Sheyawnedagain,notvoicingasinglewordofprotest.NotthatI’dexpectedone.Shehadn’tcomplainedaboutthegymbutshehadn’tcomplimentediteither.
ThelightsofTalia’shousewereawelcomesightwhenweparkedonthestreet.Sowasthewomanstandingontheporch,readytowaveusinside.
ItookKaddieinfirst,leavingherwithTalia,whileIhurriedtobringinourbags.ThenIclosedthedoorbehindme,toeingoffmyboots,beforefollowingthesoundofvoicesintothekitchen.
Abarseparatedthekitchenfromadiningnook.Kadencewassittingonastool,herattentiononTaliaasshemovedaroundtheroom,ladlingsoupfromapotonthestoveintoasmallbowl.
Maybeitshouldhavebeenawkward,thefirstnightasaguestinherhome,butasTaliaservedourdinner,thethreeofusatechickennoodlesoupanditfeltlikesomethingwe’ddoneahundredtimes.
ButthatwasTalia.Thatwasus.Evenwhenshewasangryorfrustratedwithme,ithadn’tbeenawkward.Weweretoointunewitheachother.Weflowed,alwayshad.
Afterdinner,Kadencetookawarmbathbeforesettlingintotheguestbedroom.TaliacheckedhertemperatureandgaveheranotherdoseofTylenol.Andwhenmydaughterwasdressedinherfavoritepinkdinosaurpajamas,Ibrushedoutherdamphairandcurledbesideherinbed,waitinguntilshewasasleepbeforeeasingoutoftheroom.
Taliawasinthekitchen,thedishwasherrunningandtheleftoversstowedaway.Thewindhadpickedupafterdinner,whippingsnowagainstthehouse.“Issheasleep?”
“She’sexhausted.”Iyawned,rubbingthebackofmyneck.ThekinkI’dgottenfromtoomanynightsonthecouchfeltpermanent.“Ihopeshecanrest.”
“Metoo.Yourroomisnexttohers.I’llbeupstairsifyouneedanything.Justmakeyourselfathome.”
Inodded.“Appreciated.”
“Seeyouinthemorning.”Thatscentofcoconutandlimefilledmynoseasshewalkedby,headingforthestaircase.
Idrewinalongbreath,holdingitinmynose,forcingmyfeettostayexactlywheretheywere.
Shehadn’tinvitedmeheretonightforanythingbutadecentplacetostay.AndasmuchasIwantedtofollowherupstairs,tofindoutwhatcolorsheetsshehadonherbed,Istoodatthecounter,grippingtheedgetight.Itwasn’tuntilIheardthesoundofadoorclosingupstairsthatIwandereddownthehallwaytothebedroomnexttoKaddie’s.
ThebedwasplushandwarmasIslidbeneaththecovers.GivenhowmanyrestlessnightsI’dhadlately,Ishouldhaveconkedrightout.Instead,Ilistenedtothewindhowlandstaredattheceiling.WhatwasTaliadreamingabouttonight?
Alightturnedon,castingaglowtowardmyopendoor.Ishovedoutofbed,wearingonlyapairofboxerbriefs,andpaddedtowardthekitchen.Taliastoodatthesink,fillingaglassofwater.
Thesightofhermademymouthgodry.
ShewaswearinganoversizedT-shirtthathadoncebeendarkgreen,butaftercountlesswashings,thecolorhadfadedovertime.Herbackwastome,butshedidn’tneedtoturn.Ialreadyknewwhatwasonthefrontofthattee.Itbarelyfellpastthecurveofherass.Hertonedlegswerebare.Herhairwaspulledupinamessyknot,afewstrandsescapingdownthelongcolumnofherneck.
Fuck,butshewasperfect.Therewouldneverbeanotherwoman,onlyTalia,wearingoneofmyoldT-shirts.
Maybeshe’ddeletedmyphonenumber.Butshehadn’ttossedthattee.
“Couldn’tsleep?”Iasked.
Shestartled,turningtofacemeandpressingahandtoherheart.
“Sorry.”Isteppedintotheroom,lovingtheflareoflustinhereyeswhenshetookinmynakedchest.“Iwonderedwherethatshirtwent.”
Hergazedropped,takinginthedistressedwhiteshamrockonthefront.“Yourluckytee.”
“Myluckytee.”Iwalkedrightintoherspace,notgivingherachancetoobjectasIframedherfacewithmyhands.“Thief.”
“Youabandoneditinmydrawer.”
“ThenIguessI’llhavetostealitback.”Icrushedmymouthtohers,wrappingmyarmsaroundher.
Taliaroseuponhertoes,hertonguetanglingwithmineasIsweptintohermouth,savoringhersweettastewithahintofminttoothpaste.
God,thiswoman.Shetastedgood.Feltgood.Iheldhertighter,onearmoverhershoulderwhiletheothercamearoundherribs.Pinned.
Shedidthesame,holdingmesotightitwaslikeshedidn’teverwanttoletgo.TherewasnospacebetweenusasIheftedherup,settingherassonthecounter.ThenIkissedherdeeper,leavingnocornerofhermouthuntouched.
Firespreadthroughmyveins.Sheliftedherlegs,wrappingthemaroundmyhipstohaulmecloser.
Mycockthrobbedasitpressedintohercore,wantingsobadlytosinkinside.Theonlythingbetweenuswereherpantiesandmyboxers.Igroaneddownherthroat.Iswallowedherwhimper.Everystrokeofhertongue,everynipofourlips,Ifoughttheurgetoburymyselfinthatwetheat.
Taliaclungtome,herfingertipsleavingcrescentindentsinmybackassheswirledhertongueagainstmyown.
She’dalwayslovedtodighernailsintomyback.I’dalwayswantedtohavethosemarkstattooedonpermanently.MaybenowIwould.
Anothernight,I’dworshipherbodyforhours.Anothernight,whenmydaughterwasn’tsickandasleepdownthehallway.
Tearingmymouthaway,Idroppedmyforeheadtohersaswebothpantedforbreath.“Talia.”
“Don’tletgo.”Herarmscinchedtighter.
“Never,”Iwhispered,holdingherwithmyfaceburiedinthecrookofherneck,untilfinallysherelaxedherarms,andIhelpedheroffthecounter.
Herlipswereswollen.Herfacewasflushedandherhairwascomingloosefromitstie.Wearingmyluckytee,shewasperfect.
“Why’dyoureallyinviteustostay?”Iasked,pushingalockofhairoffherforehead.
Shetouchedmybeard,lightly,likeshewastryingtodecideifshelikeditornot.“Idon’tknow.”
“Doyouregretit?”
“No.”Sheranherthumbovermybottomlip,thenslippedpastme,glancingbackwhenshewasontheoppositesideoftheroom.Asafedistance,outofmyreachbeforeIchangedmymindandhauledhertobed.Smartwoman.“Goodnight,Foster.”
“Goodnight,Tally.”CHAPTERSIXTEENTALIA
Istaredattheblankfaceofmylocker.Notallymarktoday.ThelasttimeI’dmarkedagooddaywaswhenFosterhadbroughtKadenceinforhercheckup.Thathadbeennine—no—tendaysago.Weremystandardsforagooddaytoohigh?
Therewasaflurunningthroughtownandithadmadepeopleespeciallyirritable,staffandpatientsincluded.ItwasprobablythesamebugthatKadencehadpickedupatschool.
Isnaggedmykeysandtuckedtheminmypocketbeforeleaving,morethanreadytogetoutofthehospital.ItwasdarkoutsideasIdrovetheJeeptowardhome.
TowardFosterandKadence.
Istillwasn’tsurewhathadcomeovermeyesterdaywhenI’dofferedtoletthemstayatmyhouse.Abreakinmysanity?Exceptithadbeenso…easy.
Incollege,Fosterhadallbutmovedintomyapartment.Myplacehadbeenbiggerandnicerthanhis,andViviennehadn’tmindedhiscompany.He’dfitintomylifeseamlessly.
HavinghiminmyhomewasascomfortableaswearingoneofhisoldT-shirtstobed.
I’dwalkedintothekitchenthismorningtofindhimwaitingwithacupofcoffeepouredwithmyfavoritecreamer.
He’dkissedmycheekgoodbye,andIhadn’taskedifthey’dbetherewhenIcamehome.Ijustknewtheywould.AsmuchasIwantedhimtostay,maybehedidtoo.
Ididn’tlingerinthegaragebutrushedinside.Hestoodatthekitchencounterintheexactplacewherehe’dkissedmelastnight.
Theimageofhiminonlythoseboxerbriefssentathrobtomycore.And,God,thewayhe’dheldme.
FosterhadheldmelikeIwashistethertotheearth.
Therewasn’tmuchIwouldn’tdotohavehimholdmelikethateveryday.
Evenforgive.
MaybeIalreadyhad.
“Hi,”Isaid,comingintotheroom.
“Hey.”Heturnedandsmiled.“Howwasyourday?”
WhenwasthelasttimeI’dcomehometosomeoneaskingmeaboutmyday?Years.IthadbeenFoster.BecauseIhadn’tlivedwithanyonesinceVivienne.Ihadn’trealizedhowlonelymylifehadbecome.EvenhereinQuincy,withfamilymembersineverydirection,itwasn’tthesameascominghometoapersonofmyown.
“What’sthatlook?”heasked.
“Nothing.”Ishookitoff.“DoIhavetimetochangeandtakeaquickshower?”
“Fifteenminutes.”Hepointedtotheoven’stimer.
“Berightback.”Ijoggedupthestairs,strippingoutofmyscrubsandputtingtheminthehamper.ThenItiedupmyhairintoamessybunandhoppedintheshower,hurryingtoscrubthedayfrommyskin.
Dressedinapairofjoggersandalong-sleevedtee,Imadeitbacktothekitchenwithfiveminutestospare.
“Tellmeaboutyourday,”Fostersaid.
“Meh.I’vehadbetter.Everyonehasbeengrumpylately.Itusuallyhappensthistimeofyear.Shortdaysandlongnightsmakeforcrankyhospitalstaff.AndIhadapatientyellatme.”Inmydefense,he’dyelledatbothnursesbeforeI’dwalkedintohisexamroom,soatleastI’dhadcompany.
“What?”Hestoodtaller,hisexpressioninstantlymurderous.
“It’snotthefirsttime,norwillitbethelast.”Ilaughed.“Unclenchthatjaw,killer.”
Agrinstretchedacrosshissexymouth.“IforgothowmuchIlikeitwhenyoucallmekiller.”
Ilikedittoo.“Itsmellsgoodinhere.Youdidn’tneedtocook.”
“Don’tmind.Besides,mydietisabouttogetstrangeasIgearupforthisfight.”
“Doyouhavetocutweight?”Atsixfootthreeandalreadyrippedwithmuscle,itwasn’teasytotrimpounds.I’dalwaysdreadedthatpartbeforehisfights,whenhe’dworksohardandeatsocarefullytomakesurehehitanumberonthescale.
“Afewpounds.Butnotmuch.”Hesteppedcloser,hishandcomingtomyface.Histhumbbrushedacrossmycheekbone.“Sorryaboutyourday.”
“It’sokay.”Ileanedintohistouch.“Whataboutyou?Where’sKadence?”
Hejerkedhischintowardthelivingroom.“She’scommandeeredyourTV.”
“How’sshefeeling?”
“Better.Nofeversincelastnight.”
“Good.”Iclosedmyeyes,savoringthetinglesacrossmyskin.Thenhismouthwasonmine,justabrushofhislipsthatleftmewantingmore.
Iroseuponmytoes,exceptbeforeIcoulddeepenthekiss,thetimerontheovendinged.
Hegrowledagainstmymouth,thensteppedawaytoswipeanovenmittoffthecounterandyankopentheovendoor.Thenhetookoutasheetpanwithchickenandpotatoesandgreenbeans.“WanttogetKadence?”
“Sure.”Iturned,readytoheadtothelivingroom,butfroze.
Kadencewasstandinginthedoorway,watching.
“Oh,hi.”Shit
Shehadhereyebrowsknittedtogether,probablybecauseshe’djustwatchedherdadkissme.
Foster’sheathitmyback.Thenhisarmwasaroundmyshoulders,haulingmybacktohischest.“Wetalkedaboutyoutoday.”
“Me?”
Hehummed.
Thatwasit.Thatwashisexplanation.Ahum.Thenheletmegoandclappedhishands.“Okay,sitdownandlet’seat.Kaddie,whatdoyouwanttodrink?”
“Milk,”sheanswered,walkingtothediningroomtable,wherehe’dalreadysetoutnapkinsandsilverware.
“Tally?”
“I,um…water.Icangetit.”
“Grabmeonetoo,love.”
Love.Neverbabeorhoneyordarlin’.Theonlyendearmenthe’dgivenmewaslove
Fosterbreezedpastme,carryingtwoplatestothetable.
Iunstuckmyfeetandgotourdrinks,takingKaddiehermilkfirst.Aswesattogether,Iwaitedforabitofdiscomfortorawkwardnessafterthatkiss.ButFosterjustcutupKaddie’schicken,thentoreintohisownmeal,whichwastwiceasbigashe’dplatedforme.
“Daddysaidyou’relikeDex,”Kaddiesaid,hermouthfulloffoodasshetalked.
“Who’sDex?”
“Mommy’sboy—no,wait.”ShelookedtoFoster.“What’sthatwordagain?”
“Fiancé.”
Ichokedonapotato.
“Tally.”Fosterflewoutofhischair,roundingthetabletosmackmeontheback.
Icoughedandwavedhimoff,dislodgingthefoodandchewingit.ThenIswalloweditdownwithagulpofwaterbeforestaringupathimstillhoveringbymyside.“Vivienne’sfiancé?”
“Dex.”
Kadencenodded.“Dex.”
“Dex,”Irepeated.
Fosterwinked,thenreturnedtohisseat.“Kadencemissedapopcornpartyatschooltoday,soafterdinner,wethoughtwecouldwatchamovieandhavepopcorn.Youin?”
“Um,yeah.Ilikepopcorn.”
“Metoo.”Kadencegavemeasmallsmileasshechewed.
“Yourdadsaidyouwerefeelingbetter.”Ipressedmypalmtoherforehead,justtoseeformyselfthatshewasn’twarm.
“DaddysaidIstillhavetostayhomefromschooltomorrow.”
“Probablyagoodidea.Justtomakesureyou’rerested.”IshiftedmyattentiontoFoster.“Anywordonthefurnace?”
“Theguycalledmeearlier.Saidit’sallreadyfortomorrow.Thenwe’llbeoutofyourhair.”
Kadencemumbledsomethingunderherbreathasshestabbedagreenbean.
“Speakup,littlebug,”Fostersaid.“What’sonyourmind?”
“Dowehavetogobacktothegym?”shewhined.“Thisplaceiswaybetter.”
Ipulledinmylipstohideasmile.Shewasn’twrong.
“Yeah.”Fostersighed.“Wehavetogoback.”
“Butnotuntiltheweekend,”Iblurted.Iwantedanotherdayofcominghomefromworktoafullhouse.
“Yesss.”Kaddiedidalittledanceinherchair.
AndwhenImetFoster’sgaze,thoseblueeyeswereshining,crinkledatthesides.Happy.
Wefinishedourmeal,entertainedbyKadence’srecapoftheshowshe’dwatchedtodayonNetflixaboutadragonprince.IdidthedisheswhileFostertookKadenceinforabath.Thenwesettledonthecouch,Kadenceinthemiddle,bundledinablanketwiththebowlofpopcorninherlap.Sheonlymadeitthroughanhourofthemoviebeforeshefellasleep.
Fosterstood,bendingtosweepherintohisarms.Thenhepaddeddownthehallway,meltingmyheartwhenhekissedherhair.Heemergedjustmomentslater,rollinghisshoulder.
“What’swrong?”Iasked.
“Justaknot.”
“Sitdown.”Ipointedtothefloorinfrontofmeandcrossedmylegsonthecouch.
Heobeyed,blowingoutadeepbreathwhenmyhandscametohisshoulders.Thenhemoaned,alow,deeprumblefromhischestthatrekindledthatpulseinmycenter.Heletmemassagetheknotforawhile,andwhenmyhandsstoppedmoving,herelaxedevendeeper,stretchingoutsothathisheadwasonthecouch.
“So…”Myfingersplayedwiththeendsofhisdarkhair.“Dex.”
“Dex,”hebreathed.“Goodguy.HelovesVivi.He’ssweettoKadence.”
“AndVivienneisengaged?Youjustgotdivorced.”
“They’vebeentogetherfortwoyears.”
Myjawdropped.“What?Shecheatedonyou?”
Fosterchuckled.
“Whyisthatfunny?”
Heshiftedandstood,holdingoutahand.“Comehere.”
Iunfoldedmylegs,takinghishandtohelpmeup.Butinsteadofleadingmesomewhere,likethekitchen,whichwasfartherawayfromthehallwayjustincaseKadencewokeup,heswungmeintohisarms.
“Dancewithme.”Hislipsbrushedmyforeheadashestartedtosway.Twocountsandhisfootlandedonmine.“Shit.Sorry.”
Ilaughed.“You’restillahopelessdancer.”
Foramanwhomovedlikelightningintheboxingring,hecouldn’tdancetosavehislife.
Hesmiledagainstmyhair.“Ihaven’thadalotofpractice.”
“Youdidn’tdancewithVivienne?”Thequestioncameouttoofast,beforeIcouldmasktheenvyinmytone.“Nevermind.Idon’twanttoknow.”
Maybeshehadn’tlovedhim.Maybehehadn’tlovedher.Butshe’dbeenhiswife.Andhe,herhusband.
“I’veneverdancedwithVivienne.”
Iteasedthesting.She’dhadnearlyeverythingelse,butatleastthiswasmine.
“WhatdidyoutalkaboutwithKadencetoday?”Iaskedashedancedusinaslowcirclearoundthelivingroom.
“Thatyou’remyDex.”
“NotexactlythesameifVivienneismarryingDex.”
Hehummed.Anotherhumwithoutanexplanationtofollow.“DexandVivihavebeentogetherforalongtime,buthe’sjustrecentlymetKadence.Wedidn’tintroducethemuntilafterthedivorce.ButsheknowsthatViviloveshim.SheknowsthatViviandIwillalwaysloveher,evenifwe’renotmarried.”
“Wasthedivorcehardonher?”
“Yesandno.Yes,becauseitmeanswe’vehadalotofchange.Yes,becauseithappenedrightafterArlodied,andlikeitornot,hewashergrandfather.No,becausethefirsttimeshesawDexkissVivienne,KadencecametomeandaskedmewhyIneverkissedMommylikethat.”
Ileanedbacktostudyhisface.“Youdidn’tkissVivienne?”
Hestoppedmoving,lockinghiseyeswithmine.“Notonthemouth.”
Butthey’dbeenmarriedforsevenyears.Howwasthatpossible?“Earliertonight,whenyoukissedmeinthekitchen,Kadencesawus.Shehadthislookonherface.”
“She’spiecingittogether.”
ThatViviennelovedDexandthatwaswhyshekissedhim.
ThatFosterlovedme.
Kadencewasconnectingthedots.
“Vivienneismyfriend,”Fostersaid.“Nothingmore.Idon’tkissVivienne.IamnotinlovewithVivienne.AndIhaveneverhadsexwithVivienne.”
Thistime,itwasmewhosteppedonhisfoot.“W-what?”
“Wedidn’thaveamarriage,Talia.Wehadaprisonsentence.WhenshegotwithDex,Ididn’tseethatascheating,becauseshe’sonlyeverbeenmycellmate.”
Hiscompanion.
Soifhehadn’tbeenwithVivienne,thenwho?Anyone?
“Iwaitedalongtimeforyou,love.I’llwaitaslongasyouneed.Youaremine.”AndhewashereinQuincytoclaimme.
“Idon’t—”HowdidIsaythis?“I,um—”
“Don’ttellme.”Fosterputhisfingerovermymouth.“Theideaofyouwithanotherman…Ican’tthinkaboutit.Ican’thearit.Sodon’ttellme.”
Therewasnothingtotell.
Pathetic,right?He’dbrokenmyheartintoathousandpieces,andIstillhadn’tbeenabletomoveon.Ihadn’tbeenabletolethimgo.Instead,I’dconcentratedonschoolandwork,blockingouteventheideaofsomeonenewbecausedeepdown,noonewouldeverbeFoster.
Iwrappedmyhandaroundhiswrist,pullingitawayfrommylips.“Therehasn’tbeenanotherman.”
Hiseyesnarrowed.“What?”
Sayingitagainwastoohard,soIshrugged.
“Fuck.”Foster’shandscametomyface,hisfingersthreadingintomyhairashedroppedhisforeheadtomine.Hisentirebodysagged,likehe’djustletgoofsevenyears’worthofworry.
“Saysomething,”Iwhispered.
“Howmany?”
“Howmany,what?”
Oneofhishandsunthreadedfrommyhair,hisfingertipsskimmingovermycheek.Thesparksbeneathhistouchspreadashetrailedlowerandlower,overmycollarboneandtotheswellofmybreast.Thenheskimmedmyribs,droppingpastmyhipuntilhebrushedmythighandmovedthosefingersbetweenmylegs,pressinghardenoughformetogasp.
“Orgasms.”
Iwasn’tsurewhomovedfirst.Itmighthavebeenhim,capturingmymouth.Oritcouldhavebeenme,throwingmyarmsaroundhisshouldersandclimbinghisbodylikeadamntree.
Thelightswereignored.TheTVwasleftonKadence’smovie.AndtheworldwasforgottenasFostercarriedmethroughthehouse.
Mylegswrappedaroundhiswaistashistonguetwistedwithmine.Hislegbumpedintothecoffeetableasweskirtedthelivingroom.Myassbrushedthebanisterwhenhestartedupthestairs.Hestoppedhalfway,anglinghismouthasourkissbecamefrantic.
Agroanrumbledfromhischest.AmoanescapedmythroatasItoremymouthaway.
“Bed.Hurry.”Iclungtightertohisshouldersasherushedusupthestairs,glancingbothways.“Left.”
Hestrodedownthehallway,hismouthfindingmineagain.
Mybackhitawall,hisbodytrappingmeinplaceashedevoured.UntilIwasbreathlessandtuggingathisshirt.Fosterhauledmeoffthewallandsteppedintomybedroom,kickingthedoorclosedbehindhim.
Threestepsandwewerefallingontothebed,hisweighthittingmineashisarousalpressedintomycore.
Anothermoan.Anotherwhimper.Ourmouthsremainedfusedasourhandsroamed,tuggingandpullingtogeteachotheroutofourclothes.
Myshirtwasgonefirst,yankedovermyheadandthrownoverhisshoulder.HisT-shirtcamenext,pulledfrombehindhisneckwithcordedarmsandtossedtothefloor.Jeans.Pants.Abra.Boxers.Panties.Piecebypiece,theymadetheirwaytotheflooruntiltherewasnothingbutFoster’snakedheatagainstmyskin.Andthewetsearofhismouthashedroppedkissafterkissonmybody.
Histonguedippedintomynavelashekissedalongmybelly,lowerandloweruntilhewasjustabovetheplacewhereIneededhimmost.
“Didyoutouchyourselfthinkingofme?”
“Yes.”Ithreadedmyfingersthroughhishair,urginghimlower,buthedidn’tmove.Helickedapathacrossmybelly.
“Tellmehow.”
Iletgoofhishair,readytotouchmyself,buthebattedmyhandaway.“Foster.”
“Tellme,Talia.”Theraspinhisvoice,roughandthick,mademeshiver.“Whatdidyoudofirst?”
“I’dtouchmyclit.”
Hekissedmyhipbone,thenshifted,leaningonhissideashetouchedmyclit.“How?”
“Slowatfirst.”Ipantedashedidthesame.“Justlight.”
Hehummed.“Thenwhat?”
“ThenI’dgolower.”
Fostermovedhishand,hisfingersdippingintomysoakedfolds.
“Yes,”Ihissed.“More.”
Heobeyed,myvoicebecominghiscommand.
“Backtomyclit,”Ibreathed.
Exceptthistime,insteadofdoingitwithhisfinger,heshifted,hishandsgoingtomyknees.“Spread.”
Iwaswhollyexposed,thecoolairskimmingmysensitiveflesh.Untilhistonguewasthere,lappingatmywetness.“Oh,God,baby.”
“Fuck,youtastesweet,Tally.”Heflutteredhistongueagainstmyclit,causingmybacktoarchoffthebed.
Mymoanfilledtheroom,mylegstrembling.
Thismanandhiswickedtongue.Helickedmeagain,agrowlvibratingagainstmyskin.Andthenhedovein,likeamanstarved,andfeasted.Hisbeardrubbedagainstthesensitiveskinontheinsideofmythighs.Histonguewasrelentless,lickingandsuckinguntilIwrithedbeneathhim.
“Foster.”Iclutchedthebeddingatmysides,mylegsspreadingevenwider.
“You’remine,love.Sayit.”
“I’myours.”
“That’smygoodgirl.”Heslippedalongfingerinside,strokingthatsensitivespot,andIcameapart.
Aloudmoan,entirelyuncontrolled,camefrommythroatandhereachedup,coveringmymouthwithhispalm.
Pulseafterpulse,theorgasmcrashedintomeasstarsbrokebehindmyeyes.Foster’stongueneverstopped,notuntilIcollapsedonthebed,spentandboneless.
“There’sone,”hemurmured,kissingtheinsideofmyknee.
Ismiled,myeyelidstooheavytoopen.
“Lookatme,”heorderedashehoveredaboveme,hiselbowsbracketingmyhead.Hishipssettledintothecradleofmyown,hiscockpressingintomysensitiveflesh.ThenhewaiteduntilIopenedmyeyes,hisdarkenedgazewaiting.
“Iloveyou.”Herockedagainstmycore.“Fuck,butIloveyou.”
Myheartstopped.
Iopenedmymouth,asurgeofpanicrising,whentherewerenowordstosay.
Ilovedhim.I’dlovedFosterforwhatfeltlikemyentirelife.Ijust.
Whycouldn’tIsayit?
Heranhisknucklesalongmycheek,thenhehummed.Ahumthatsaiditwasokay.Thatheunderstood.Thathe’dbeherewhenIwasready.
Iliftedoffthepillow,mymouthfindinghis.ThenIflickedmytongueagainsthis,tastingmyself.Onethrustofhishipsandheburiedhimselftotheroot,stealingmybreath.Istretchedaroundhim,meetinghisstrokes,needingmoreandmoreandmore.
Everyneed,Fosteranticipated.Everytouch,hedrovemehigher.UntilIclawedathisback,mynailsdiggingdeep,andshattered.
Heburiedhisfaceinmyneck,pouringhisownreleaseinsideofme.Afterthehazecleared,hewrappedmeinthosestrongarmsandheldme,twistingussoIwasdrapedacrosshischest.
“Sayitagain,”Imurmured,sleepcreepinginattheedges.
“Iloveyou.”
Thistimeitwasmewhohummed.
Maybeifhesaiditoverandover,I’dbeabletosayitback.Maybeifhesaiditoverandover,I’dstopthinkingabouttheyearswe’dmissed.
Maybeifhesaiditoverandover,I’dstopworryingthatlovewasn’tenough.CHAPTERSEVENTEENFOSTER
Jasper’sglovedfistconnectedwithmyface.
Myheadwhippedtotheside,aburstofpainspreadingthroughmycheek.Motherfucker.Thatwasthethirdtimehe’dhitmetoday.
“What’swithyou?”Hejabbedagain.“You’redistracted.”
“Sorry.”Iworkedmyjaw,movingaroundthering.Myhandswereuptoguardmyface,butyeah,Iwasdistracted.
Jasperdroppedhisarmstohissidesandfrowned,pullingouthismouthguard.“AreyougoingtobeabletodothisfightwithSavage?”
“Idon’tknow,”Iadmitted,takingoutmyownmouthguardandtuckingitinthewaistbandofmyshorts.“Fuck,Idon’tknow.Myhead’snotinit.”
No,myheadwasatTalia’shouse,alongwithmyheart.
Ithadbeennearlyaweeksincewe’dleftherplace.KadenceandIhadpackedourthingsandreturnedtothegymonSaturday.Thefurnacewasnew,theheatworkingperfectlyandquietasamousecomparedtotheoldone.
We’dspentlastweekendintheapartment,cleaningandlazingaround.KadencehadmadeslimefromakitI’dpickedupatthegrocerystore.JasperhadcomeoveronSundaywithpizzaandwe’dwatchedfootballonthecouchwhileKaddiehadplayedherNintendoSwitch.Itmighthavebeenanenjoyable,relaxingweekend.
Except,asmydaughterhadpointedout,Talia’shousewaswaybetterthanthegym.
AndImissedher.
Ihadn’tseenhersincewe’dleftherplace.We’dtexted.Yesterday,I’dbeensodesperatetohearhervoiceI’dcalledherafterKaddiehadgonetosleep.
Thiswasprogress.Goodprogress.Weweretakingitslow.Talking.Texting.RebuildingwhatI’dbroken.
Sowhycouldn’tIshakethisfeelingthateverythingwasabouttofallapart?ThatI’dloseheragain?
Thedoubtshadmadeitnearlyimpossibleformetofocusonanything,includingthisupcomingfight.
“Maybethishastobethelastone,”ItoldJasper.
Heraisedhiseyebrows.“Youwanttoretire?”
Ishruggedandwalkedtothecorner,pickingupmywaterbottleandtakingalongdrink.“Honestly?Maybe.I’mnotgettinganyyounger.MontanaisahellofalongwaysfromVegas.It’sbeeneasieroutheretodetach.”
Andthatwastheproblem.BecausethelastthingIwantedtodowasflytoVegas.MaybethatwaswhyIcouldn’tshakethisfeeling.IhadthisfearthatifIleftMontana,I’dloseTalia.
Jasperdroppedtothemattostretch.“Youtoldmewhenyoucameupherethatyouneededsomethingtofightfor.Areason.You’vealwaysneededthat.Somespecificmotivatortolatchonto.”
Thatwasexactlymyproblem.Ihadenoughmoneytolastalifetime.I’dwonthebelts.Mynamewassynonymouswithvictory.Whatnow?
Myfightwasn’tinVegas,notanymore.
Myfightwashere,forTalia’sheart.
“Whathappensifyoulose?”Jasperasked.
“I’llbepissed.”MaybeIdidn’tneedtowin,butthatdidn’tmeanIenjoyedlosing.
“Youneedtoaskhertogowithyou.”
“Who?Talia?”
Jaspernodded.“You’reworriedaboutleavinghere,aren’tyou?”
“Getoutofmyhead.”
Hechuckled.“Igetit.Youcameuphere,threweverythingintothisplace.Youputitallontheline,hopingshe’dtakeyouback.”
Andshehad.Sortof.Probably.I’dtoldherIlovedherandshehadn’tbeenabletosayitback.There’dbeensomehesitation,indecision,inhereyes.Butshejustneededtime.
“What’syourpoint?”Iasked.
“IfTaliaishere,yourheadwillbehere.Soit’sprettyobvious.You’vegottoconvincehertocometoVegasandbethereforthefight.I’mguessingthatifyourgirlissittingfrontrow,there’snowayyouletherseeyoulose.”
Fuckno.Iwouldn’tletherseemelose.Agrinstretchedacrossmyface.“I’mnotpayingyouenough.”
Helaughed.“No,youarenot.Didyouseethetemperaturethismorning?Fivebelow.I’mnotmadeforfivebelow.”
“Comeon.”Iwalkedoverandextendedahandtohelphimtohisfeet.“It’smyturntopunchyouintheface.”
“Notachance.”Hesmirked,puttinginhismouthguard.Thenhewalkedtothetimerwekeptinthering.Assoonasthebeepsounded,Jasperliftedhishands.“Fiveminutes.”
Afullround.
Itwaslikeafreshwaveofenergyhadinfusedmybodyaswefacedoff.Myheadsnappedintoplace,everythingbeyondthisringbecomingablur.Andthatuneasyfeelingwasgone.
I’dbringTaliatothefight.I’dbeatScottSavageifonlytoseeTalia’sfacewhenIemergedthevictor.Thenwe’dcomehome.We’dcometoMontana.AndifIhadanothercontractinme,I’dnegotiateit.Andifnot,well…retirementwouldbeadamnniceconsolationprize.
Jasperfakedakick,raisinghiskneefast.Butbeforehecouldthrowajab–reversepunchcombo,amoveI’dseenhimdoahundredtimes,IdidmyownfakelikeIwasgoingtodoaroundkick,butshiftedmyhipsinaflash,changingthekicktoahook.
Myfoottappedhimonthesideofthehead,justatouchbeforeIpulleditaway.Thenitwasmyturntosmirk.“See?I’llbefine.”
ScottSavagewasabrute.Hedidn’thavemyspeedortechnique.Ipreferredtofightonmyfeet,andmybiggestworrywasthathe’dgetaluckytakedownandwe’dspendmostofourfightgrapplingonthemat.Eventhen,Icouldtakehim.
I’dberelyingonmytraining.Yearsofboxing.YearsofBrazilianJiu-Jitsu.AndI’dberelyingonmyheart.BecauseJasperhadnailedexactlywhatIneeded.
IfTaliawassittingfrontrow,nowayI’dletherseemelose.
JasperandIdancedaroundthering,bothlightonourfeet.Whenthetimerbeepedatthefive-minutemark,wewerebothsweatingandbreathless.
Iwasheadedforthecornertogetanotherdrinkwhenthedooropened,agustofcoldairsweepinginside.ThenIhadtopressahandtomychesttokeepmyheartfromleapingoutasTaliawalkedinside.
She’dcometomeforachange.
Ifuckinglikedthat.Alot.
“Hi.”Shewavedandwalkedtowardtheropes.“AmIinterrupting?”
“No.”Icroucheddown,waitinguntilshewascloseenough.ThenIhookedmyfingerunderherchinandpulledherinforasoftkiss.“Hi.”
“Ididn’tknowifyou’dbetrainingornot.”Sheglancedovermyshoulder.“Hey,Jasper.”
“Hey.”Hejerkeduphischin.
“Idon’thavetostay,”Taliasaid,loweringhervoice.“Iwasn’tworkingtodayand—”
“Youmissedme.”
Hercheeksflushed.“Imissedyou.”
“Missedyoutoo,love.”
Talia’sgazerakeddownmybarechest.“Iforgotaboutthis.”
“Aboutwhat?”
Shewavedahandtowardmybody.“You.Howsexyitiswhenyou’refighting.”
Goodthingshethoughtitwassexy.HopefullythatwouldmakeheracceptmyinvitetoVegas.“Kissme.”
Sheobeyedinstantly,risinguponhertoes.Andinsteadofabrushofourlips,Ireachedthroughtheropes,fistedthelapelofhercoat,andheldhertomeasmytonguesweptinside.
Jasper’sthroatclearedbehindusbutIlickedandsuckedanddidn’tletTaliagountilhercheekswerethoroughlyflushed.
Taliabitherbottomlip,tryingtoholdbackasmile.
“Thinkthat’smycuetoleave.”Jasperwalkedpastus,laughingasheclimbedoutofthering.Thenhewenttoabench,snagginghissweatshirt.Hetuggeditoverhisheadbeforetrappinghissweatyhairbeneathabaseballhat.Withhisshoeson,hewalkedforthedoor.“Havefun,youtwo.”
“Youdoingokay?”IaskedasJasperleft.
Sheliftedashoulder.“I’mfightingwithLyla.Sortof.Idon’tknow.ButIhaven’ttalkedtohermuchandit’sweird.”
“Whathappened?”
“Oh,it’snothing.Sisterdrama.”Wasitnothing?BeforeIcouldask,shechangedthesubject.“Inothernews,mymomwantstomeetyou.”
“I’dliketomeethertoo.”
“Itmightbeawkward.”
Ishrugged.“Awkwardwon’tlastforever.They’llgetusedtomeeventually.”
“Yeah.”Therewashesitancyinhervoice.Eithershedidn’twantmetomeetherfamily.
Or…shestilldidn’tbelieveI’dstay.Shedoubtedme.
Uneaseswaminmyveinslikeapoison.
TheTaliafrombeforehadn’theldback.She’dgivenmeherall.Trusted.Believed.Thatwomanwasstillinthere.Somewhere.Andsomehow,Ihadtocoaxherout.Provetoherthiswasreal.
“WhattimedoyouneedtogetKadencefromschool?”sheasked.
Ishovedmyfearsaside,glancingattheclock.“Aboutanhour.Why?”
“Youneedashower.”Sheraisedaneyebrow,thenwalkedaway,outofmyreach.Bythetimeshe’dstruttedtotheapartmentdoor,herwintercoatwasonthefloor.Onehandworkedfreethezipperonherhoodie,shakingitfromherarmsanddroppingitonthefloor.Andwhenshereachedbehindherbacktounclaspherbra,Ileaptovertheropes,joggingtocatchup.
Myhandswenttoherhips,shufflinghertowardthebathroomasmymouthlatchedontoherpulse,givingitagoodsuck.
“Foster.”Shemoaned,reachingback,herfingersthreadingintomyhair.
“Gettheseoff.”Iflickedatthehemofherjeans.“Now.”
ShefreedthebuttonsandshimmiedthemdownherhipsasIshovedmyownshortstothefloor,kickingthemaway.
Mycocksprangfree,throbbingasIpresseditintothecrackofherass.
Taliahissed,archingintome.
“Areyouwetforme?”Myhanddriftedoverherhip,acrossherbelly.Idippedintoherfolds.Soaked.“You’refuckingsoaked.”
Idraggedmyfingersthroughherwetness,spreadingitacrossherpussy.Themomentwecrossedthethresholdtothebathroom,Iswungheraround,hoistingherupandplantingheronthecountertop.
Myelectrictoothbrushtoppledoffitscharger.Abrushclatteredintothesink.
IshovedTalia’skneesapart,hookingmyhandsbeneaththemtodraghertotheedgeofthesurface,herhandscomingtomyshoulderstoholdontight,andthenIlinedupatherentranceandthrusthome.
“Fuck,”Igroanedassheclenchedaroundme.“Youfeelsogood.Sofuckinggood.”
Shecuppedherbreasts,herrosynippleshardandbeggingformymouth.
SoIbentandsucked,pullingouttothrustinside.
“More,”shebreathed.“Harder.”
“Tellmeyoumissedmeagain,”Isaid,kissingacrossherchesttoherotherbreast.
“Imissedyou,”shewhisperedasIsuckedhernipple.Hard.
Iletthatbudpopfreefrommymouthandstoodtall,reachingbetweenustoplacemythumbjustaboveherclit.“CometoVegaswithme.Formyfight.”
Hereyesflewtomine.“What?”
“Myfight.Comewithme.”
Sheleanedin,herlipsseekingmine.“Dowehavetotalkaboutthisnow?”
Beforeshecouldkissme,beforeIlostmynerve,Ishiedawayandnodded.Mythumbmovedclosertoherclitbutstilldidn’ttouch.“Sayyes.”
“Foster.”ShewiggledbutIhadhertrapped.
“Ineedyouwithme,Tally.Come.”Slowly,Ieasedout,teasingherwithjustthetip.Whenhereyeswerelockedwithmine,Ieasedforward,inchbyinch,untilIwasburieddeep.Sodeepthatmaybeshe’drealizenothingwouldtearusapart.Notagain.
Ashudderrippedthroughherbody,herinnerwallsflutteringaroundmylength.
MythumbgrazedherclitbeforeIpulleditaway.“SayyesandI’llgiveyouexactlywhatyouneed.”
“Yes.”Sheswallowedhard,herhandsdiggingintomyshoulders.“Yes.”
“Goodgirl.”Ipulledout,thenslammedforward,earningahitchinherbreath.ThenIcircledherclitwithjusttherightamountofpressuretomakeherlimbstremble.
Talia’shandsmovedtothecounter,herarmsbracedasherheadlolledtotheside.Behindher,herhairflowedinrhythmwithmythrusts.Herlipsparted,andwitheachpistonofmyhips,Iearnedaquickinhale.Herbreastsswayed,thosenipplesimpossiblyhard.Perfection.Shewasfuckingperfect.
“Lookatus.Lookatmefuckingyou.”Shiftingmyhandoutoftheway,Irockedustogether,mycockdisappearingintoherbody.Iwatchedhertakemeinchbyinch.AndwhenIwasrootedtothehilt,ImetTalia’sgaze.“Youandme.It’salwaysbeenyouandme.”
Shetookmyfaceinherhands,haulingmylipstohers.Thekisswasshort.Shetoreaway,pantingasIpickedupmypace.Thenshecriedmyname,hermouthopenandagainstmine,asherorgasmbroke.Shepulsed,harderthaneverbefore,thoseinnerwallssqueezingmelikeafuckingfist.
“Tally.Yes.”Mybodytightened,thatbuildinthebaseofmyspine,untilIsnapped.Ireleasedinsideofher,clingingtoherassheclungtome.Andwhenwewerebothspent,Ipushedthatsilky,darkhairawayfromherfaceandletmyselfdrowninthosebeautifulblueeyes.
“You’dbettergetintheshower,”shesaid,breathless,herfingertipsstrokingmybeard.
Iwrappedmyarmsaroundher,ourbodiesstillconnected,andheldtight.“Onemoreminute.”
OneminuteturnedintotwoandfinallyIeasedout,reachingtotheshowertocrankonthespray.
Exceptthefaucetonlydribbledaweakstreamintothetub.“Whatthehell?”
Taliahoppedoffthecounter,peeringpastmyshoulder.“Um,that’snotgood.”
“Sonofabitch.”Istalkedoutofthebathroom,bucknaked,andoutoftheapartment.
Theutilityclosetwasinbetweenthelockerrooms.They’dbeencleaned,butotherwise,I’dignoredthem,concentratingonthegymandapartment.Theroomsweren’tlarge,andsinceIhadthebathroomintheapartment,theywerepointlessatthemoment.
Taliafollowedinmywake,dressedinherbraandpantiesandshruggingonhersweatshirtassherushedtocatchup.
Thenoisehitmefirst,thesoundofwaterhittingafloor.Myfloor.Iwassteppingthroughthedoor,turningforthemen’ssideandthesourceofthattrickle,whenmyfootsplashedinapuddle.
“You’vegottobefuckingkiddingme.”Iwadedthroughthewater,sowarmitwasnearlytoohot,untilIreachedtheutilitycloset.Iyankedopenthedoor.
Waterpouredfromthebottomofthehotwaterheater.
“Forfuck’ssake.”Istretchedpastthecylinder,reachingfortheshut-offvalve.Onceitwastwistedandoff,Istoodandpinchedthebridgeofmynose.
“Oh,shit.”Taliametmygaze.“I’msorry.”
Itippedmyheadtotheceiling.Woulditcaveinnext?Whenwouldthedisastersend?
“Howwouldyoufeelaboutacoupleofhouseguests?”CHAPTEREIGHTEENTALIA
Fosterstrodeintothekitchen,hisdarkhairdisheveledandstickingupatoddanglesfromhowmanytimeshe’ddraggedhishandsthroughitinthepastfewhours.
“Sheasleep?”Ihandedhimaglassofwine.
“Yeah.”Hetookadrinkandleanedagainstthecounter.“Whatacluster.”
Inoddedmyagreementandsippedfrommyownglass.
Theafternoonandeveninghadbeenchaos.We’dtakeneverytowelhehadatthegymandbuiltablockadetostopthewaterfromleavingthelockerrooms.Thenhe’dracedintotowntopickupKadencewhileI’dstayedatthegym,callingbothplumbersintown—bothofwhomwereonotherjobs.Thankfully,oneofthemhadagreedtoleavethenewbuildhewasworkingonandcomeover.
Bythetimetheplumberhadarrived,FosterhadreturnedwithKadence.SheandIhadpackedasmuchofherstuffintothebackofmyJeepaspossible,thentossedallofFoster’sclothesintosuitcases.
Afterthey’dshutthewaterofftothegym,Fosterhademptiedthepantryandfridgeintoacooler,thenwe’dsetoffformyhouse,stoppingtograbburgersonthewayhome.
“Thatplaceisfallingapart,”hesaid.“We’rejumpingfromonedisastertothenext.Ifitwasjustme,I’ddeal.ButwithKaddieherenow,it’snotfairtoher.”
“Youcanstayhere.”
Hesighed.“Pleasedon’ttakethisthewrongway.ButIdon’twantKaddietofeellikeaguest.Sheneedsahome.Sheneedsherownroomwhereshecanmakeamessandleavethebedunmadeandjustbeseven.Ican’ttellyouhowmuchIappreciateyoulettinguscrash.But…”
“It’snothome.”Butitcouldbe,right?AllIhadtodowashandhimakey.
He’dacceptedanyinvitationI’dextended.Giventhewayhe’dheldmeearlier,kissedme,FosterhadmissedmethispastweekasmuchasI’dmissedhim.
ExceptIdidn’toffertoletthemmovein.Somethingwasholdingmeback.ThesamesomethingthathadkeptmefromtellingFosterIlovedhim.
“Whydidyoubuythegymandnotahouse?”Iasked.
“Alotofreasons.”Heblewoutalongbreath.“Ithoughtitwouldworktemporarily.Wecouldstaythereforsixmonths,maybeayear.Ihonestlydidn’tthinkitwouldbesobad.Thephotostherealtorshowedmewere,uh,misleading.”
“Ah.”Withoutasking,Iknewwhichrealtorhewastalkingabout.DefinitelynotoneI’drecommend.“Maybeifthefurnaceandthewaterandeverythingwasworking,itwouldwork.You’vedoneanicejobcleaningitup.”
“Stillshouldhaveboughtahouse.ButIwaswaiting,Iguess.Iwantedtogethereandjust…Iwantedtogethere.”
“Youwantedtoseehowitwentwithme.”
Hiseyessoftened.“Yeah.”
“Yousaidyouweren’tgoingtoleave.NomatterwhatIsaid.”
“WhichistrueafterIsawyouthatfirstnight.ButIwasn’tentirelysurewhattoexpectbeforeIgottoQuincy.Christ,I’veneverbeensonervousdrivingintoatown.ThewholetripfromVegasIwasawreck.JudgingfromwhatIcouldfindonline,Iknewyouweren’tmarried.Itdidn’tlooklikeyouhadaboyfriend,butIwasn’tsure.”
“WhatifIhad?”
“Thenhewouldhavehadcompetition.”
Thecornerofmymouthturnedup.“Soyouboughtthegyminsteadofahouse.”
“Seemedlikeasmartmove.OnepropertythatIcouldoffloadifneeded.ButIshouldhavestartedshoppingforapermanentplacebeforeKaddiegothere.Thatwasmymistake.Ithoughtitwouldbegoodenough,butshedeservesbetter.”
“It’snotthatbad,Foster.Itjustneedssomeupgrades.”
Hetookalonggulpofhiswine,thenrubbedahandoverhisbeard.“ShewassohappywhenIpickedherupfromschooltoday.Thewholetriptothegym,shejusttalkedandtalkedaboutthesetwofriendsshemade.EvenknowingIwasgoingbacktocleanupamess,Ididn’tsayawordaboutthewateruntilwewereparkedoutside.Ididn’twantthatsmiletodull.It’sbeenhardtocoaxthemoutofherlately.”
“Becauseofthemove?Orthedivorce?”
“Both.ThemomentArlodied,ViviandIknewchangewascoming.Finally.Wecouldliveourownlives.Maybeitwasamistake,butwethoughtitwouldbebettertoaccelerateasmuchofitaspossibleforKadence.”
“Ripthebandageoff.”
“Justgettotheotherside.”Hiseyessoftened.“Gettothegoodstuff.”
Me.Iwasthegoodstuff.
“VivienneneededtostayinVegas.”
“TosellyourhouseandAngel’s.”Itdawnedonmethathe’dalsomentionedshe’dbeenplanningawedding.I’dassumeditwasforaclientorsomething.Butno.Shewasplanningherownwedding.
“ViviandDexwanttogetmarriedthere.It’shomeforher.She’sgivingitupformebecauseIwanttobehere.ButIthinksheneedstimetosaygoodbye.AndDexhasbeendragginghisfeet.”
“Hedoesn’twanttomove?”
“Notreally.”Fostershrugged.“Idon’tknowthespecifics.Haven’tasked.Butshementionedthatit’sbeenapointoftension.Regardless,ViviennewantsKadencetobeclosetome,andI’mnotleaving.ShemadeitcleartohimthattheirfutureisinMontana.He’llgetonboard.”
“She’dreallysacrificeherhome,herlifeinVegas,justsoyoucouldcometoQuincyforme?”Thatseemedunbelievable.Selfless.NotatallthepersonI’dmadeVivienneouttobeoverthesepastsevenyears.Maybeshewasn’ttheenemyafterall.
“LikeItoldyou,shehasalotofguiltaboutwhathappened.Shewantsmetobehappy.Butespecially,shewantsKadencetohavethebestlifepossible.Wesawthisasachancetogetheroutofabadsituation.”
Myforeheadfurrowed.“Whatbadsituation?”
Fosterjerkedhischinformetofollowhimtothediningtable.Andwhenwewereseated,heleanedbackinhischairtoglancedownthehallway,probablytomakesurehisdaughterwasn’teavesdropping.
“Kaddie’spreschoolalsoofferedkindergarten.Shehadalotoffriendsandsheknewtheteachers.SowekeptherenrolledtherelastyearwhileVivispentmonthsresearchingschoolsforfirstgrade.Weappliedatthebestprivateschoolsinthecity.Wedidinterviewafterinterview.Andwegotintoourtoppick.Qualityteachers.Rigorouscurriculum.Theyencouragedextracurricularactivitieslikesportsandmusic.Itwasexactlywhatwewerelookingfor.Thoughtitwouldbegreat.”
Asenseofdreadcreptintomybones.“Itwasn’t.”
“Itwasanightmare.”Hisjawticked.“ThekidsinKaddie’sclasswerebrutal.There’snootherwaytodescribeit.Thesewerefirstgraders.Ididn’tthinkwe’dhavetoworryaboutbulliesuntilmiddleschool.Highschoolifwewerelucky.Butfirstgrade?”
“Whathappened?”
“Wedidn’tcatchitsoonenough.Kaddiewascominghomegrumpyeveryday.Itwassounlikeher.Wethoughtitwasjustbecauseofschoolingeneral.Longerhoursthanthepreschool.Moreintenselearning.Biggerclasssize.Noneofherfriendsfromkindergartenwerethere.Shewasthenewkid.Wethoughtitwouldpass.Itdidn’t.”
Icoveredhishandwithmyown.“That’sanormalrationaleforanyparent.”
“Isit?That’smylittlegirl.Shewasmiserable,andIdismissedit.Ithoughtitwasbecauseshewasn’tgettinganafternoonnap.”Foster’svoicewashoarseashespoke,filledwithregret.
“ItgottothepointthatwhenIaskedKaddieifshehadfunatschool,she’dtellmeshehatedschool.Everymorning,itwasafighttogetherready.She’dhideunderherbedinherpajamas.Weassumeditwasbecauseshehadtowearauniformandhatedtheskirtandtights.Again,ourfuckupbecauseweshouldhavepushedharder,earlier,todigintowhatwasreallybotheringher.We’daskandshewouldn’texplain.Whenwefinallyfoundout,itwasadamnmess.”
“Whathappened?”
“Kaddiedidn’ttalkaboutfriends.She’dbeengoingtotheschoolformonths,andshedidn’ttalkaboutfriends.Butshe’dtalkallaboutherteacher.Shelovedherteacher.Andtheteacherlovedher.Duringaconference,weaskedherteacherhowshewasdoingandhowshebehaved.TeachersaidKadencewasanangel.Thatshewasbright,maybealittleshy,andshehadthisintensefocusonherschoolwork.Somethingtheteacherhadneverseenwithafirstgraderbefore.”
“That’sagoodthing,right?”
“Kaddiefocusedonherschoolworkbecauseitwasherwaytoescapetheotherkids.Sheblockedthemoutbyreadingbooksinthecorneralone.”
“Oh.”Myheartbroke.
“ShecamehomewithaHalloweenpartyinvite.VivienneandIwereoverjoyed.Like,finally,she’smakingfriends.She’ssettlingintothisnewschool.Sowetookhertotheparty.Theparentswerehostingitattheirownhouse.Thismassivehouse.They’drentedinflatablejumpers.Theyhadapool.Aclown.Foodforanarmy.Therewerepeopleeverywhere,kidsdressedintheircostumes.Iwastalkingtoafewoftheotherdads,justhangingoutwhilethekidschasedeachotheraround.ThenIheardthisear-splittingscream.”
“Kaddie.”
Henodded.“I’veneverrunfasterinmylife.Ifoundhersurroundedbyagroupofgirls.Oneofthemhadalockofherhairinherfist.She’dyankedoutachunkofmychild’shair.”
Igasped.“OhmyGod.”
Asheenoftearsfilledhiseyes.Heturnedhishandoversoweweretouchingpalmtopalm.“Theywerelaughingather.Shewascryingonherknees,herhandtoherhairinpain,andtheywerelaughingather.”
“Oh,Kadence.”Iwantedtosneakintoherbedroomandwrapherintoahug.“That’swhyshetouchesthesideofherhead,isn’tit?”
Henodded.“Everytimeshedoesit,Iwanttoscream.”
Ihadn’tseenKaddiedoitmuch,buteveryonceinawhile,she’dtouchherhair.Likeshewastouchinganoldwound.
SortoflikehowI’dtouchmyheart.
“Afterthat,itallcameout,”hesaid.“Shetoldushowtheothergirlshadbeenmeantohersincethebeginningoftheyear.They’dteaseherandsnickerbehindherback.Theytoldherthatifshetattledonthem,they’dlieandnoonewouldbelieveherbecauseshewaspoorandtheywererich.”
Myjawdropped.“What?”
“Idon’tknowwhytheythoughtthat.Thegoddamnschoolhasanetworthrequirement.Whatever.ButKaddiebelievedthem.MaybebecauseI’veneverbeenonetoflauntmymoney.Welivedinanicehouse,butitwasn’tostentatious.IboughtanewvehicleeveryyearbutitwasaGMCtruck,notaFerrari.That’snotmystyle.Neverhasbeen.”
No,itwasn’t.WhichwaspartofwhyIadmiredhim.Fosterhadbecomeincrediblysuccessful.Hecouldhaveeasilyspenthisfortunetomakeupforwhathe’dlackedinhischildhood,buthewasn’tthetypeofmantosquandermoney.Hell,themanhadboughtafixer-uppergyminQuincy.
Heremindedmeofmyparentsinthatway.Theirwealthwasimmense.Mostlylandandcapitalinterests,likethehotel.Buttheydidn’tflauntit.Andthey’dtaughtusalltosaveourmoney.
Thatthegoodthingsinlifedon’tcomewithapricetag.
“I’msorry.”
“Metoo.”Hegavemeasadsmile.“Theschoolwasapologetic.MaybetheythoughtI’dgopublicandrakethemoverthecoalsforallowingittohappen.Theyputherinadifferentclassroom.Theysenthomedailyreportsonhowshewasdoing.Itwasbetter.But…”
“Stillnotgreat.”Kaddiehadprobablyrunintothoseothergirlsinthehallwaysoratrecess.
“Itwasfirstgrade.Whatwasgoingtohappenwhenthesekidsmoveduptohighschool?She’dbewiththesamegirlsforyears.Ijust…Icouldn’taskhertoendureit.Soanewschoolwasinevitable.ThenArlodiedtwoweekslaterandsuddenlyinsteadofthatnewschoolbeinginVegas…”
“YoulookedintoQuincy.”
“Everythingchanged.Forthebetter.”Helacedhisfingersthroughmine.“Tally,shegotinthetrucktodayandallshetalkedaboutwereherfriends.Howthey’realldoingbasketballwhenitstartsandhowMaggieaskedifshecouldgosleddingovertheweekend.HowMaggie’smomwasgoingtocallmetomorrow.”
Therewassomuchhope,suchjoy,inhiseyes.
NeverinmylifehadIbeenproudertoliveinQuincy.
Sure,ourtownhaditsproblems.I’dhadafewrun-inswithkidsinschool.Thatwasinevitable.Butourcommunitywasstrong.AndifKadenceneededasafeplace,she’dfindithere.
“Iknowthegymisn’taforeverspot.Sheneedsarealhome.Sotomorrow,I’llcallarealtor—adifferentrealtor—andstarthunting.Findheraplace.”
“You’reagooddad,Foster.”
Heliftedashoulder.“Thisyear,I’vefeltlikeafailuremoreoftenthannot.Butdamn,I’mtrying.”
Thismanwouldputeverythingonthelineforthepeopleheloved.
AndIwasonthatlist.
Fosterdrainedtherestofhiswine,thensettheglassaside,standingandextendingahand.“Dancewithme.”
Itookhishand,lettinghimleadmeintothecenterofthekitchen,wherehesweptmeintohisarms.Wemadeitawholethreeturnsbeforehisbarefootsteppedonmine.
“Sorry.”
Ilaughed.“It’sokay.”
Heheldmecloser,swayingmorethanstepping.“Yousureyou’reokaywithusstayingforabit?”
“It’sallgood.”
“Wecouldcheckintothehotel.”
“Thisisbetter.”Ipressedmynoseintohischest,drawinginhiswoodsyscent.“Kidsneedroom.”
“Andwhatdoyouneed?”
Itiltedmyheadback,meetinghiseyes.“You.”
AllI’deverneededwashim.
Fosterdroppedhislipstomineforakiss.Thelazystrokesofhistalentedtongueweakenedmyknees,andhesweptmeintohisarms,cradlingmeagainsthischestashecarriedmeupstairsfortheshowerwehadn’ttakenatthegym.CHAPTERNINETEENFOSTER
“That’sit?”IaskedmyrealtorasIeasedthetrucktoastopinfrontofTalia’shouse.
“Inventoryislow.”
Low?Basedontheemailshe’djustsentwiththeexactsamelistingsshe’dsenttheweekbefore,inventorywaspracticallynonexistent.“Yeah.”
“Sorry,Foster.Februaryisatoughmonthforlistings.Butitwillpickupinthespring.”
“Notyourfault.”Icouldn’texactlyblameherforthissituation.Itwasn’tlikeshecouldconjureadecenthomeforKadenceandmeoutofthinair.
“Forwhatyou’relookingfor,Ithinkanewbuildwillbeyourbestoption.”
“Yeah.Willyoustartsendingmelotlistings?”
“Absolutely.I’llwarnyouthereisn’tmuch.”
Ofcoursethereisn’t.“Appreciateit.”Iendedthecallandstareddownthestreet.“Damn.”
ThisrealtorwasTalia’srecommendationbecauseIsureashellwasn’tgoingtousethesameguywho’dsoldmethegym.Overthepasttwoweeks,I’dallbutmemorizedtheavailablelistingsinatwenty-mileradius.
Mytopoptionswereamodularthatfromtheoutsidelookedinworseshapethanthegym.OrIcouldbuyatiny,two-bedroomhouseontheoutskirtsoftownnexttothehighwayandthegarbagedump.
WhichmeantonceweleftTalia’s,itwasbacktothegym.
Ormaybe…
IstaredatTalia’shouse.Thegreensidingwasthecolorofdesertsage.Thebrickatthebaseofthehousewasthesamethey’dusedforthecoveredporch’sstairs.Theafternoonsunlightcaughtonthedormerwindowsupstairs.Andbeyondthewoodenfrontdoorwasmygirl.
Twoweekswe’dbeenhere.Eachnight,ItoldTaliathatIlovedherbeforeshefellasleepinmyarms.Twoweeksandshehadn’thintedatsayingitback.Twoweeksandtherewasstillsomethingholdingherback.
Ithadonlybeentwoweeks.Twoweeksinthescopeoftimewasnothing.Buttwoweeksspentdwellingonmyfearshadtwistedmeintoaknot.
NoteventhebrutaltrainingregimenwithJasperhadhelpederasethemountainoftensioninmygut.
Taliahadn’tmadeasinglecommentaboutKadenceandmemovingout.Notone.Shealsohadn’taskedustostayafterthegymwasbacktonormal.
Wasittoosoontomoveintogether?Probably.ExceptIwasreadytotakeleapsintothefuture.Taliawasshufflingbabysteps.Shewaskeepingupashield,awallinvisibletomost.
Notme.
Sure,thingsbetweenushadbeenincredible.Anyothermanwouldn’tworry.ButIknewTaliaEdenbetterthanIknewmyself.Andthisjust…itwasn’tlikethedaysbefore.
ThedayswhenI’dlivedforhernextbreathandshe’dsurvivedonmyheartbeat.
Ishovedoutofthetruckandmademywayinside,stompingthesnowoffmybootsbeforetuggingthemoff.
“Talia,”Icalled.
“Inhere.”
Downthehallway,shewasinKadence’sroomwithalaundrybasketonthebedandacleanshirtinherhands.“Iwouldhavedonethat.”
“Idon’tmind.”ShesmiledasIcametostandbesideher,droppingakisstohermouthbeforepluckingapairofjeansfromthepileandfoldingthemintoasquare.
“Howwasyourday?”
“Quiet.”She’dworkedallweekendandhadtodayandtomorrowoff.“Itwasnicetocatchuponhousework.Howwasthegym?”
“Fine.Jasper’sdeterminedtokickmyasseverydayuntilthefight.”Whichwascominginlessthanamonth.Thenerveswerebeginningtocreepin.Theanticipation.
We’dworkedoutforhourstoday,mostlypracticinggrapplingtechniques.Thenwe’ddonecardio,thetreadmillandstationarybike,untilI’dbeenreadytodroptomyknees.Butthatwasmystrategy.Noopponentwouldoutlastme.I’dbeinbettershapethananymanI’dmetinthering.
“Yousmellgood.”Talialeanedinandpressedhernosetothesleeveofmyshirt.“Didyoushower?”
“Yeah.Theplumberfinishedupyesterday.”
“Oh,that’sgreat.”
Didshesaythatbecausenowthatthewaterwasbacktorights,wecouldleaveherhouse?
“What’swrong?”Shestaredatthefrowntuggingatmymouth.
“Nothing.”Igaveheranotherkissandwentbacktothelaundry.
Theplumberwho’dcomeintocheckonthewaterheaterhadreplaceditquicklyenough.Butintheprocess,he’dfoundapipethatwasrustedandinbadshape.
Iwasdonewiththesegoddamnemergencies,soI’dtoldhimtoreplaceit.Ofcourseithadbeenthemainpipeleadingtotheapartment,sohe’dhadtoripoutadecentsectionofthewalltogetitfixed.
Whilehe’dbeenmakingrepairs,I’dalsohiredanelectriciantoassessthebuilding.ThelastthingIneededwasanelectricalfire.Thewiringwasoldbutworked,thoughtheelectricalpanelwasoutdatedandoverloaded.
Allproblemsthathadallbeenoverlooked,ormissed,bythepropertyinspectormyrealtorhadarranged.Andbyme,becauseI’dbeeninsuchadamnhurrytomove,Ihadn’tthoughttwice.
Theelectricianhadfixedthepanel.I’dslappedsomesheetrockovertheholestheplumberhadleftbehind.Tomorrow,I’daddwallspackleandeventuallypaint.TodaywasthefirstdaywhennoonehadbeenatthegymbutJasperandme.
“Wecanprobablygetoutofyourhairtomorrow,”Isaid,holdingmybreath.
Herhandsstoppedfolding.“Oh.”
“Unlessyoudon’twant—”
“Thatwillprobablybe—”
Wespokeovereachother,thenstopped.
“Yougo,”Isaid.
“Doyouwanttoleave?”Sheworriedherbottomlipbetweenherteeth.
“Doyouwantustostay?”
Therewassuchvulnerabilityinthoseblueeyes,likeshewasscaredtoadmitwhatshewanted.
Tellme.Please.Justtellme.Comeon,Tally.Letgo.
“Stayforalittlelonger.”
Itwasn’teverything,butitwassomething.Ihauledherintomyarms,pressingmynosetoherhairandbreathingherin.“Okay.Alittlewhile.”
“DoyouthinkKadencewillcare?”
Ichuckled.“Uh,no.”
She’daskedmeonthewaytoschoolthismorningifwecouldliveatTalia’suntilwefoundourownhouse.Partofthatwasbecausewe’dlearnedthatherfriendMaggiewasjustablockaway,andlastSaturday,we’dletthemhaveaplaydate.
ButtheotherpartwasTalia.
Mydaughterwasfallinginlove.
Ienviedherthat.WhatIwouldn’tgivetogobacktothebeginning,whenTaliaandIwerestrangers,andexperiencethemagicoffallinginlovewithheralloveragain.
Sheletmegoandwentbacktothelaundry,thetwoofusfoldingitincomfortablesilence.IstowedeverythinginthedrawerswhileshehungupKaddie’ssweatersinthecloset.WhenIfinishedbeforeher,Isatontheedgeofthebed,watchingasshemoved.
Taliawouldmakeanamazingmother.Didshewantkidsofherown?
Iwantedmorekids.IwantedtowatchTaliagrowwithourchild.Iwantedalifeofuschasingthemaroundandthen,oncetheywereasleep,slidingintobedbesideheruntiltheendofmydays.
“Doyouwant—”Istoppedmyself.Toosoon.
“Wantwhat?”sheasked.
“WanttocomewithmetopickKadenceup?”
“Sure.”ShehungupKaddie’slastsweatshirt,thenIfollowedherfromthebedroom,takingthebaskettothelaundryroomwhileshepulledonapairoftennisshoes.Theblackleggingssheworetodayweremoldedtoherlong,tonedlegsandthecurveofherass.
Mycocktwitchedbehindmyjeans.ThiswomanhadnoideahowIcravedher,everymoment.ButIdidn’tdaretouchbecauseifwestarted,Iwouldn’tstop.Andweneededtogettotheschool.
WhenTaliareachedforacoatonthehookintheentryway,Isnatcheditfirst.“Youforgottherules.”
Sherolledhereyes.“Oh,didI?”
“Clearly.”Iheldoutthecoatforhertoslipitoverherarms.
“Alwaysthegentleman.”
“Foryou.”I’dforbiddenheroncefromputtingonherowncoatwhenIwasintheroom.Oropeningadoor.Ortwistingthelidoffajar.
“Icandothis,youknow?”shesaidasIzippedherjacketuptoherthroat
“Forallhisfaults,mydadisalwaysagentleman.”EventhoughI’dalwaysinsistedondoingthelittlethingsforher,I’dnevertoldherwhy.“Evenwhenheisfuriouswithmymomforlosingtwograndinanight,hetreatsherwithrespect.Opensdoors.Holdsouthercoat.Pullsoutherchair.”
Ihadn’tlearnedmuchfromDad—mostlywhatnottodo—butthathadbeenoneofthegoodlessons.
“It’snotabouttakingawayyourindependence,”Isaid.“Iknowyoucanzipupyourowncoat.Openyourowndoors.Butit’sawayformetogivebacktoyoujustafractionofwhatyougivetome.”
Hereyessoftened.“Foster.”
“Letme.”
“Okay.”
“Thankyou.”Withmyfingerunderherchin,Ipulledhercloserforakiss.
Herhandscametomychestassheroseuponhertoes,openingformetoslideinside.
Fuckit.Myhandswenttoherass,mypalmsmoldingtohercurvesasIsqueezed.Damntheseleggings.
Taliamoaned,herarmsslidingaroundmyneck.
Withaquickhoist,Ihadherupandpressedagainstthedoor.ThenIpressedmyarousalintohercenter,lettingherfeelhowmuchIwantedher.HowinsatiableIwaswhenitcametoher.
Iwassecondsawayfromshovingthoseleggingsdownandgivingherahardandfastfuckwhenmyphonevibratedinmypocket.“Ignoreit.”Ikissedheragain.
Butthevibratingcontinued,anddamnit,wedidn’thavetime,soItoremymouthawaywithagrowl.
Talialaughed,wipingmylipsdrywithherthumb.“We’regettingcarriedaway.”
“Withyou?Always.”
ShegiggledandunwoundherarmsasIsetheronherfeet.Taliadidn’treachforthedoor.Shewaitedformetoadjustmyachingcock,thenopenitforher.Andshedidthesamewhenwereachedthetruck,lettingmeholdthedoorasshehoppedintothepassengerseat.
Itookherhandinmineaswedroveacrosstowntoschoolandtookourplaceinthepickupline.
“Whocalledyou?”sheasked.
“Oh.”Idugoutmyphone,havingforgottenaboutit.Ihitthemissedcallnotification,theringofthephonefillingthecab.“ItwasVivi.”
“Hi,”sheanswered.“Didyoupickherupyet?”
“No,justwaitinginline.”
“Okay,good.Iwantedtotalkaboutsomethingbeforeshegotthere.”
IglancedatTalia,pointingattheconsole.DidshewantmetotellVivienneshewashere?Butsheshookherhead.“What’sup?”
“I’mcominguptonight.”
Iblinked.“Tonight?”
“There’sasixo’clockflightthatgetsintoMissoulaaroundmidnight.I’lljuststaythereandthengetupearlytodriveoverinthemorning.”
“Allright.”Thiswasdaysearlierthanwe’dplanned,butifshewantedtocometoMontanabeforetheweekendandseeKadence,Iwouldn’targue.Kaddiewouldbeoverjoyed.“Everythingokay?”
“Ihatethis,Foster.”Theclickofazipper,likeasuitcaseclosing,soundedinthebackground.“Ihatethis.”
“Iknowyoudo,Vivi.”
“I’mnotmissingherfirstbasketballpractice.”
Ichuckled.“It’sonlypractice.You’llbehereforthefirstgame.”
“AndI’llbethereforthefirstpracticetoo.”
“Okay.She’llbethrilled.”
“Don’ttellherI’mcoming.Ibookedalast-minuteflight,andIdon’twantherhopesup,justincaseitfallsthrough.”
“Whydidn’tyoujustcallthechartercompanyandchangeyourflight?”
“Itried,butsomethingaboutneedingtosubmitaflightplantwenty-fourhoursinadvance.Idon’tknow.Ijust…I’mnotwaiting.Ican’tkeepdoingthis.It’stoohard.”Hervoicecrackedandtearswouldbenext.
“Don’tcry.”
“I’mnotcrying.”
“Yet.”
“Yet.”Asnifflecame.“IwantedtogiveyoutimewithTalia.Iknowshedoesn’twanttoseeme.ButImissKadence.Imisshersomuchithurts.”
IglancedoveratTalia.Therewasunderstandingonherface.Shedidn’tspeakupbutshegavemeaslightnod.“Taliaunderstands.Come.Behere.Wecanallwatchthefirstbasketballpractice.”
“Thanks.”Vivienneblewoutalongbreath.“How’sitgoingwithyouandTalia?Didshesayshelovesyouyet?”
Ohfuck
Talia’seyeswidenedforjustamoment,andthenshelookedtoherwindow,herjawclenchedtight.
Fuck.Fuck.
“HerecomesKadence,”IliedbeforeViviennecouldsayanotherword.
“Ack.”Amuffledthudcamethroughthespeakers.“LetmecallyourightbackassoonasIgetinthecar.Ialmostdroppedmyphonetryingtoloadmysuitcase.”
“Okay.”Iendedthecallandthesilencethatfollowedinthetruckwassuffocating.Fuck
IshouldhavetoldherTaliawashere.Ishouldn’thavecalleduntilKadencewasheretobeabuffer.
Taliawouldn’tlookatme.Shekepthereyesaimedoutthewindowandhershoulderscurledin,likeshewantedtodisappear.
Thankfully,itdidn’ttakelongforKadencetorushtowardthetruck.TaliahadbraidedKaddie’schestnuthairthismorningbutafteradayofschoolandrecess,somewispshadcomeloosearoundhertemples.
Shewassmilingasshecametothetruck,lookingoverhershouldertoyell,“Bye!”
Itshouldhavesentmyheartsoaring.ExcepttheemptinessonTalia’sfacewasexcruciating.
“I’msorry,”IwhisperedasKaddietossedherbackpackintothetruck,ploppingintoherseat.ThenIfocusedonmydaughter.“Hi,littlebug.”
“Hi,Daddy.Hi,Talia.Guesswhat?”Kadencespentthedrivehometellingusaboutanassemblythey’dhadtoday,whereaguynamedRadicalRoyhadcometotheschooltodemonstratedifferentscienceexperiments.
Whenwegothome,Taliadisappearedtoherroomwiththeexcusethatshehadherownlaundrytodo.
Igaveherspace,notwantingtopushadiscussionwithKadencearoundtohear.Dinnerwastenseatbest.EvenKaddienoticedTaliawasquiet,givingkind,butshortanswerswhenevermydaughteraskedaquestion.
Taliadidn’tmeetmygazeonce.Whenitwasfinallytimeforbed,Iwasn’tsurprisedtocomeoutofKaddie’sroomandfindthatTaliahadescapedoncemoreupstairs.
Icheckedthelocks.Shutoffthelights.Thenclimbedthestairs.
Herbedroomdoorwasclosed.
“Talia.”Myknucklestappedontheface.Noanswer.Itwistedthehandleandwalkedinanyway.
Shewassittingonthebed,herkneesdrawntoherchest.Therewasabookbesideherbutshewasstaringoutthewindowintothedarknessbeyond.“Youtalkedaboutme.”
“Sheaskedhowweweredoing.Iwashonest.”
Talia’shandsfisted.“That’snotherbusiness.”
“You’reright.It’snot.ButIdidn’tdoittohurtyou.Togossipaboutyou.She’sjust…myfriend.I’vesharedmylifewithherthesepastsevenyears.Andit’sahabitthatI’llhavetobreak.”
“Whatelsedidyoutellher?”
“Nothing.Iswear.Itwasatwo-minuteconversation.Itoldherwewerestayingherewhiletheworkwasbeingdoneatthegym.IwantedhertoknowthatweweresleepingtogetherincaseKadencementionedit.Sheaskedifwewereserious.Isaidyes.SheknowsI’minlovewithyou.Thatwastheextentoftheconversation.”
Talia’sgazeshiftedmydirection.“That’sall?”
“That’sall.”ItwasjustbadfuckingluckthatViviennehadphrasedherquestionthatwayearlier.BecauseIhadn’tadmittedthatwhileI’dsaidIloveyou,Taliahadyettosayitback.
“Idon’tknowhowtofeelabouther.”Talia’sshouldersslumped.
“That’sfair.”Iclosedthedoorbehindmeandwalkedfurtherintotheroom,roundingthebedtositbesideherfeet.
“I’mnotmad.Notreally.”Shesighed.“I’mjustconfused.Alittlehurt.Andjealous.Ihatethatyoucantellwhenshe’sabouttocry,andthatwhenshehasaproblem,you’rewhosheturnsto.AndIknowIshouldn’tbejealous.ButIam.”
God,itwasgoodtohear.NotthatIwantedhertosuffer,butjealousywassomething.Afeeling,goodorbad.Itwassomething.
Itookherhandinmine,peelingherfingertipsawayfromherpalm,thenpresseditagainstmychest.“Sheneverhadmyheart.”
“Shehadsevenyears.”
“AndI’llgiveyouseventy.”IfthatmeantI’dhavetoliveuntil101,I’ddoeverythinginmypowertogiveherthattime.
“I’llgetoverit,”shemuttered.
Yes,shewould.Eventuallyshe’drealizethatwhatIsharedwithViviennewasnothingcomparedtowhatwehad.Tonight,I’dremindher.
SoIpickedupwherewe’dleftoffearlier.
Andstrippedthoseleggingsfromherbody.CHAPTERTWENTYTALIA
Kadencestreakedacrossthegymfloor,racingforFoster’sopenarmsasherponytailstreamedbehindher.Herbrilliantsmilewascontagious.“Didyouseeme?”
“Isawyou.Youdidawesome.”HekissedhercheekandtwirledheraroundbeforesettingheronherfeetsoshecouldlaunchherselfatVivienne.
“Youmadethreebaskets.”Vivipepperedherdaughter’sfacewithkisses.“I’msoproudofyou.”
Kaddiegiggled,andwhenViviennelethergo,shelookedupatme,herprettybrowneyesdancing.
“Waytogo,cutie.”Iheldoutahandforahighfive.“Youwereasuperstar.”
First-gradebasketballwasbyfarthesweetestsportingeventI’deverseen.Thegirlshadchasedfromoneendofthecourttotheother,allclumpedtogetheraswhoeverhadtheballattemptedtodribble.Mostshotsthrowntowardthehoopdidn’tcomeclosetotherim.ButKaddiehadnailedthreelayups.
Theteamthey’dplayedwasthefirst-gradeboys,andI’dbeenthrilledwhenthegirlshadbeenhailedvictorious.Thereweren’tmanyotherteamsforthekidstoplayandnextweekendthey’dtakeontheotherfirst-gradegirls’team.
Thefollowingweek,they’dplaythesecondgraders.Theninafewweeks,we’ddriveKaddietooneoftheneighboringtownstoplaytheirteam.Thatwasthelifeofsmall-townsports.Parentscommittedtoroadtrips.Andalongtheway,theybondedwitheachother.
MaggierusheduptoKadence,thetwogirlsgigglingandwhisperingasMaggie’smomwavedatusall.“Bye.Seeyouatpracticenextweek.”
FosterjerkeduphischinasViviennewavedback.AndIsimplysmiled,notsurehowIfitintothismix.
“Hi,Talia.”AwomanI’dgonetohighschoolwithwalkedbywithherthreekidsintow.OneofthemwasonKaddie’steam.
“Hey,Lindsey.”
Wehadn’tbeengoodfriendsinhighschool,butwhenyourgraduatingclassconsistedoffifty-threepeople,youdidn’tgettobeverychoosywithfriends.
Threeotherpeoplepassed,allsayinghellotomeastheymadetheirwaytotheexit.
Afterthelastonepassed,IturnedtoFoster,hiseyeswaiting.
“What?”Iasked.
Hethrewhisarmaroundmyshoulders,haulingmeintohissidetokissmytemple.“Youknoweveryone.”
“Noteveryone.Butalmosteveryone.”
Hechuckled.“Thanksforcomingtoday.”
“Ofcourse.”EvenwithViviennehere,therewasnowayI’dhavemissedKaddie’sfirstgame.
“Okay,what’snext?”Vivienneasked,herhandclaspedwithherdaughter’s
“Icecream.”Kaddiejumpedupanddown.“Canwegetsome?Prettyplease?”
“Um…”Fosterletmego,crouchingtotalktoherateyelevel.“I’llhavetopassonicecream.NosugarforDaddyrightnow.”
What?Nosugar?Thatwasnewstome.He’dhadoneofMom’schocolatechipcookieslastnightwhenshe’ddroppedoffadozen.
Momhadbeennotsosubtleaboutherimpromptuvisit.She’dwantedtoscopeoutFoster,butshe’dbeensweet.Andhe’dflatteredherfromthemomentshe’dsteppedthroughthedoortothemomenthe’dinsistedonescortinghertoherCadillacbecausethesidewalkhadbeenicy.
Maybethatwaswhyhe’deatenacookie,formymother’sapproval.OrmaybethisdietofhiswasjustanexcusetokeepinteractionsbetweenVivienneandmetoaminimum.
Sittingwithheratpracticeearlierintheweekandthroughtoday’sgamehadn’tbeenhorrible.Butoh,ithadbeenawkward.So,soawkward.
VivienneandIhadspentcountlesshourstalkingwhenwe’dlivedtogether,butnow,Ijust…Ididn’tknowwhattosay.SoI’doptedfornothing.She’dfollowedmylead.
AndFosterwasinthemiddle,tryingtoengagewithusbothbutnotonemorethantheother.
Soawkward.
“Wecangeticecream,”ViviennetoldKadence.“Thenhangoutatthehotelandgoouttoaspecialdinner.”
“Doyoureallyhavetoleavetomorrow,Mommy?”
Viviennesighed.“Unfortunately.ButI’llbebacksoon.”
ThesmileonKaddie’sfacedimmed.
IfViviennemissedherdaughter,thefeelingwasmutual.SinceViviennehadarrivedfivedaysago,thetwohadbeennearlyinseparable.FosterhadspentsometimeatTheEloisevisitingwiththem.I’dhadtoworklatetheothernightandhe’dtakenthemtodinner.
“Okay,thenwe’llgetgoing.”ViviennemovedclosetoFoster,standingonhertoestokisshischeek.
Istiffened.
Itwassoautomatic,sonatural,likeshe’ddoneitahundredtimes.Becauseshehad.Thatflareofenvyraged,butIrefusedtofeedit.Akissonthecheekwasnothing,right?Justafriendlypeck.
Vivienne’sgazedartedtomineandhereyeswidened.Apparentlyshe’dreadthejealousyonmyface.“Sorry.I,um…habit.That’snotreallyappropriateanymore.”
“It’sfine,”Ilied.
Foster’shandfoundmine,squeezingtight.Reassurancethatwe’dgetthroughthis.We’dfigureouthowtocoexistforKadence.
Hegavehisdaughteranotherhugandkiss.“Seeyouinthemorning?HavefunwithMommy.”
“Bye,Daddy.Bye,Talia.”
“Bye,MissMadden.”
ShegavemehertoothygrinlikeshealwaysdidwhenIcalledherMissMadden
“Goodtoseeyou.”Viviennegavemealooksofullofpleading,ofapology,itonlymadetheawkwardnessworse.
Ifshekeptsilentlybeggingforforgiveness,andifIkeptholdingupmyhand,itwouldalwaysbeuncomfortable.Someone—me—hadtogive.
“Haveasafetriphome.”I’dbeatworkbythetimeshelefttomorrow.
Theyleftfirst,leavingFosterandmewiththestragglersinthegym.Itwouldbetimeforthehighschoolgamesoon.Myparentswerecomingintotowntowatch,eventhoughtheydidn’thaveanykidsplaying.ButthatwasQuincy.
Welovedourkids.
“Youokay?”Fosterasked.
“Idon’twantittobeawkward.”
“Itwon’tlast.Giveittime.”
Time.“Yeah,”Imuttered.
“Comeon.”Hetookmyhandandledmefromthegym.
“Wherearewegoing?”
“I’mhungry.”
“You’rehungry.Butyousaidnotoicecream?”
Hebenttospeakintomyear.“That’snotthedessertI’maftertoday,love.”
Ashiverrolleddownmyspineashequickenedhissteps.
MaybethereweresomebenefitstoViviennehoggingKadencethisweek.Withouthavingtobeconfinedtothebedroom,Fosterhadgottencreative.Thegleaminhiseyesmademypulserace.
Thelonghourshe’dbeenputtingintraininglatelyhadturnedhisalreadysculptedbodyintoaworkofart.Thosearms.ThatcutVaroundhiships.TherippledabsandthatasssofirmIcouldsinkmyteethintoit.
Iwashungrytoo.
“Drivefast.”
Hourslater,afterFosterandIhadfinallytornourselvesfromeachothertoshower,myhungerforhimhadturnedintoactualhunger.Andratherthancook,we’dcomedowntowntoeatatKnuckles.
Knoxwasn’tworkingtonight.HewashomewithMemphisandDrake.Itwouldn’tbelonguntiltheyhadanotheradditiontotheirfamilyandKnoxwasalreadytryingtocuthishoursattherestauranttohelpoutathome.
HisabsencewaspartofwhyI’dsuggestedKnucklesfordinner.Therestofmyfamilywaslikelyatthebasketballgame.ThevisitfromMomlastnighthadgonewell,butIwastakingintroductionsslow.
Everyoneknewourstory,thankstoLyla’sbigmouth.Dadhadfilledinsomeofthegapstoo.Whiletheywerelikelytalkingaboutus,IwaskeepingFostertomyselfforalittlelonger.
Enjoyingourbubble.
“Sotellmeaboutthisfight,”Iaskedashepouredmeaglassofwine.
“It’satitledefense.”
“ThisScottSavageischallengingyourchampionship?”
“Yep.That’sbeenallmyfightslately.Aboutonematch,maybetwo,ayear.Butoncethisoneisover,I’llhavetimetodecideifIwanttoretireorkeepgoing.IfIdecidetokeepgoing,I’llneedtotakeafightwithineighteenmonthssotheydon’tpickaninterimtitlefighter.”
“What’sthat?”
“Basicallyaplaceholder.Theydoitforfighterswhogetinjured.GivethemacertainamountoftimetogetbackintheOctagon.Butifeighteenmonthspass,thenitbumpstotwenty-four.IfIdon’tfightwithinthattwo-yearperiod,thenmymiddleweightchampiontitlegetsstripped.”
“Oh.”Strippedseemedlikesuchaharshword.“Doyouwanttokeepfighting?”
“Honestly?”Hereachedacrossthetable,takingmyhandandlacingourfingerstogetherjustlikethelasttimewe’deatenhere.“Idon’tknow.”
“Youstillloveit,don’tyou?”
“Ido.”Henodded.“Buttheeventsarealotofpompthesedays.You’llsee.It’sunreal.Thepressisruthless.You’vegotguyslikeSavagewhojustruntheirmouthandthatshitirritatesthehelloutofme.SomuchsothatIdon’tevendomuchpressthesedays.I’mluckyinthatregard.Themediastilllikesme.”
“Whatiftheydidn’t?”
“It’sashow.Attheendoftheday,whatmattersmosttothepeopleinchargeissellingpay-per-viewfights.ForguyslikeSavage,themediaeatsuphisegoandtrashtalk.Forme,I’vebuiltareputationassomeonequiet.”
“Polaropposites,”Isaid.
“Exactly.I’mluckybecauseitworks.ThemedialovestospeculateaboutmeandwhatI’mnotsaying.There’salotofrumorsgoingaroundrightnowaboutwhyI’minMontana.Iignoremostofit,butthatphonecallItookearlierwhileyouhoppedintheshower?Itwasmymanager.Hegivesmearegularrundownofwhat’sgoingon,butmostlyleavesmealoneunlessitgetsoutofhand.”
“Isitoutofhand?”
“Nah.It’snothing.There’sjustmorespeculationthannormalbecausethisisthelastfightonmycurrentcontract.”
“Ah.”Itookadrinkofwine.“Whataretherumors?”
“ThatI’minjured.ThatI’msecludedtotrysomenewfightingtechniquesathighaltitude.I’minrehabforemotionalstress.”
Ilaughed.“Seriously?”
Heshrugged.“Fromthedivorce.”
“Oh.”Totheworld,FosterandViviennehadbeenarealcouple.Itwasanotherlayertothiscomplicatedmess.Wouldpeoplecompareusonsocialmedia?IfFosterretired,wouldtheyblamethatonme,thenewwomaninhislife?
“Iignoreit,Tally.Youshouldtoo.”
Ihadn’tgoneonsocialmediamuchlately.OtherthanlookingatFoster’sInstagram,Ihadn’tdonemuchexploring.MaybeIshould.Ormaybeitwasbesttotakehisadvice.WhateverIfoundwouldprobablymakememad.
“Doyouwanttoretire?”Iasked.
“Maybe.”Hisgazedriftedtothetableashestaredunblinkingattherimofhiswaterglass.He’dstoppeddrinkingwinethisweek.“Ineedareasontofight.That’salwaysbeenthecase.”
“Notjustforthesakeofwinning?”
“It’snotenough.Notforme.Inthebeginning,Ifoughttoprovemyself.ToArlomostly.Tomyparents.Andthen,afteritallfellapart,IfoughtbecauseitwouldkeepVivienneandKadencesafe.Providethemalife.NowthatArloandhisshacklesaregone,itfeels…different.”
Thepainedexpressiononhisfacewaslikeapunchtotheribs.
Loss.Regret.Anathletelookingbackathiscareerandrealizingitwascomingtoanend.
“I’msorry,”Iwhispered.
Hegavemeasadsmile.“Don’tbe.Atthemoment,you’remymotivation.”
“That’swhyyouwantmetocome.”
“Ineedyouthere.Ineedtoseeyoursmilewhenit’sover,winorlose.Butmostly,ifthisistheend,thelastfight,thenIwanttowinitforyou.”
“You’llwin.”
“EvenifIdon’t,Iwonthefightthatmatters.”
“Yourtitlefight?”
Heshookhishead.“You.Youarethebiggestfightofmylife.”
Oh,howIlovedhim.
IwasendlesslyinlovewithFosterMadden.
Sowhycouldn’tIsayit?
SinceIcouldn’tformthewords,Ijustheldhishandtighter.“Youwon.Youknowthat,right?Youwon.”
Foster’sentirebodysagged,likehe’dbeenwaitingtohearthosewords.
TherewasnowayIcouldwalkaway,notnow.TherewasnowayI’dbeabletolethimgo.
Heliftedmyhand,pullingitfartheracrossthetable,forcingmetostretchashebroughtmyknucklestohislips.Thatwasit,justakiss.
ButIsawtheloveinhiseyes.
Ihopedhecouldseeitinmine.
Thewaitressarrivedwithourfood,settingitinfrontofus.SalmonandriceforFoster.Pastacarbonaraforme.
“AboutVivienne,”Isaid,needingtotalkaboutwhathadhappenedearlier.“I’mnottryingtomakeithardonher.”
“Iknowthat.Shedoestoo.”
“Whenwillshemovehere?”
“Theoriginalplanwasthissummer.Afterthewedding.ShewantstosellAngel’sandthehouse.Butthesetripsbackandfortharegettingold.Shehasn’tmentionedit,butI’mthinkingshe’llbumpupthetimeline.Thatsaid,she’sgoingtorunintothesameproblemthatIhavewiththisrealestatemarket.”
“ThenIguessyou’dbetterstophousehunting.Savethegoodhomesforher.”
Hisforkfellfromhisgrip,clatteringtohisplate.“Whatareyousaying?”
WhatI’dwantedtosayearlierthisweekbuthadhesitatedto.Whyhadn’tIaskedthemtomoveinwhenwe’dtalkedaboutitoverKadence’slaundry?WhycouldIdoitnow?
MaybeVivienne’svisit,maybethatenvy,hadspurredmeon.NowIcouldsaythatIsharedhisaddresstoo.
“Idon’twantyoutoleave,”Isaid.“Ilikecominghometoyouatnight.Ilikewakingupwithyouinmybed.”
“Youtellmethisnow?Inpublic?WhenIcan’tshowyouwhatitmeanstome?”
Mycheeksflushed.“Youalreadyhadyourdessert.”
“Therewillbeseconds.”Hisvoicedippedtoagravellyrumble.“Yousureaboutthis?Livingtogether?”
Yes.No.Thiswasallhappeningsofast,butatthesametime,itfeltnatural.Likethiswasalwaysmeanttobe.
Myparentswouldprobablyhaveafewwordsofcaution,Dadespecially.Mybrotherswouldhoverandmysisterswouldinvadepersonalboundaries.
“Well,hello.”Eloisechosethatmomenttoslideintotheboothatmyside.
“Um,hi.Whatareyoudoinghere?Ithoughtyouhadthenightoff.”
“She’swithme.”LylatooktheemptyspacebesideFoster,givingmeablankstare.
Imirroredthelookandtookadrink.
“Youtwoneedtostopfighting.”Eloiserolledhereyes.
“We’renotfighting,”LylaandIsaidinunison.
Yeah,wewerefighting.
“Ifiguredyouwouldbeatthehighschoolbasketballgame,”Isaid.
“Itwasablowout,”saidEloise.“Wewereupbythirtypointsathalftime,sowedecidedtocomeoverforabottleofwineandsomefood.”
Fostermovedoverinthebooth,makingmoreroomforLyla.“Joinus.”
“We’reonadate,”Iargued.
Heignoredme.“Wantsomewine?I’mnotdrinkingandTaliawon’tfinishthisbottlealone.”
Ipursedmylipsinathinline,butarguingwaspointless.SoIshiftedtowardthewalltomakespace.
“Wedon’thavetostay,”Eloisesaid.“We’lljustseeyoutomorrow.”
“What’stomorrow?”Fosterasked.
LylaandEloisesharedalookbeforetheystood.
Mystomachdropped.Thatwasthelookofaninvasion.“Nottomorrow,”Iblurted.“KadencehasbeenwithhermomallweekandIdon’twantabunchofpeopleoveronherfirstnightback.”ItwasaflimsyexcusebutIprayeditworked
“Oh,goodpoint.”Eloisefrowned.Phew.“Thennextweekend.”
“No—”BeforeIcouldfinishmyobjection,sheandLylastrodetowardtheemptytablethewaitresshadsetforthemacrosstheroom.Damn
“Whatwasthatabout?”Fosterasked.
IgrabbedthebottleofwinetorefillmyglassbecauseI’dmostdefinitelybedrinkingit.“Thebubble.”
“Whatbubble?”
“Ourbubble.It’sabouttoburst.”CHAPTERTWENTY-ONEFOSTER
“IwishMattywashere,”Taliasaidforthesecondtimesincewe’dleftthehouse.“He’salwaysgoodaboutbreakingtensemoments.”
“Stopworrying.”Itookherhandfromherlapandbroughtittomyheart.“Thiswillbefun.Right,Kaddie?”
“Right,”mydaughteransweredfromthebackseat.
Taliaclosedhereyesandbreathed,likeshewassayingasilentprayer.“Younevertoldmeexactlywhatmydadsaidtoyouthatdayhecametothegym.”
“Itdoesn’tmatter.HewaskindertomethanIdeserved.”
“Whatdoyoumean,Daddy?”
“Nothing.”IglancedovermyshoulderatKadence,givingherawinkbeforefocusingontheroad.
AfterLylaandEloisehadstoppedbyourtablelastweek,TaliahadcalledherparentstodiscusswhatevertheEdenshadplannedbehindourbacks.Andinsteadofallowingtheinvasion,asTaliacalledit,she’dconvincedthemtohostdinnerattheranch.Therewasmorespaceforeveryonethanatherhouse—ourhouse.
She’djokedthatbyhavingitattheranch,wecouldescapeifthingswentbadly.Butdinnerwouldbefine.Nomatterhowmuchflackherfamilygaveme,I’dbeareveryword.Theyprobablywouldn’tscreamandshoutortossmeoutintothesnow.
Yeah,theremightbeafewuncomfortablemoments,butwe’ddeal.
Maybeafterafamilydinner,she’dstopholdingback.Evenaftershe’daskedmetomoveintothehouse,therewasstillthatundercurrentofdoubt.
Talia,holdingback,barely,butenoughtomakeitnoticeable.
Me,wonderingifthiswasournewnormal.
Ididn’thateit.
Ididn’tloveiteither.
“Leftuphere,”Taliasaid,pointingtoaturnoutoffthehighway.
Ieasedoffthegas,carefulwiththebrakes.Ithadsnowedlightlyalldaybutthetemperaturehadhoveredjustabovefreezing,sotheflakeshadmeltedontheroads.Thesunwasdroppingtowardthehorizonandthewaterontheroadwasbeginningtofreeze.Drivinghomeafterdarkwouldbeslow,andIsuspectedtheroadsintownwouldbeanicerink.
Taliahadsuggestedweleaveearlyenoughtoseethesunsetattheranch.
“Thisis…wow,”Isaid,takingitin.
Thesuncastorangeandgoldenbeamsoverthesnow-coveredmeadows.Itlimnedthetipsoftheevergreensonthefoothills.Ithighlightedthetoweringmountains,theirjaggedpeakscoveredinwhite.Thosemountainshadawayofmakingamanfeelfree,yetinsignificantatthesametime.
“Pretty,isn’tit?”
“Gorgeous.”
Taliahaddescribedtheranchtomeandshownmepictures.Butwordsandphotosdidn’tdoitjustice.Theymissedtherawnatureofthelandscapeanditsruggedbeauty.
“Thisisallpartoftheranch?”Iaskedaswedrovebeneathanarchway.
“Yep.Itstretchesalongthemountainsformiles.There’sapaththatrunsfromoneendtotheother.Thissummer,I’lltakeyouaround.Wecouldevengoriding.”
“Ridinghorses?”Kadenceasked.“CanIgotoo?”
“Ofcourse.”Taliatwistedtogiveherasmile.“I’llteachyoubothhowtoride.”
“MaybeIcouldevenhavemyownhorsesomeday,”Kaddiesaid.
“Maybe.”Ifahorseorponywouldkeephersmileinplace,ifitwassomethingTaliaandshecouldbondover,I’dbuyherahundred.
Attheendofthelane,alargehomeappeared.Behinditwerestablesandabarn.Alineofvehicleswasparkedoutsidethehouse.
Talia’skneesbouncedasIpulledintoaspacebesideanothertruck.
“Hey.”Iputmyhandonherknee,mythumbstrokingoverherjeans.“Thisisyourfamily.They’llsupportyou.”
Shenoddedandmetmygaze.“Iknow.Ijust…”
Wantedthemtobenicetome.
Somethingshewouldn’tvoicewithKadencelistening.
“It’sallgood.”Ihookedmyfingerunderherchin,pullingheracrosstheconsoleforakissbeforeunbucklingherseatbelt.ThenIhoppedoutandwalkedtotheirsideofthetruck,openingbothoftheirdoors.“Kaddie,doyouwanttocarryinthedrinks?”
“Sure.”Sheloopedthetotebagfullofdrinks,juiceboxesandsparklingwatersoverherarmwhileIsnaggedthebottleofwineandbouquetofflowersforAnne.
Talia’smotherhadbeenasweetheartwhenshe’ddroppedbythehouselastweekwithcookies.Iwasonastrictdiet.Noprocessedfoods,norefinedsugarleadingintothisfight.Iwouldn’trisknotmakingweight.
Butwhenshe’dofferedmeachocolatechipcookie,I’deatentwo,notonlybecausetheyweredelicious,butalsobecauseI’dwantedtoearnwhateverfavorIcould.MaybeAnnecouldhelpconvinceHarrisonIwasn’tanawfulchoiceforhisdaughter.Andtonight,nomatterwhatwewerehavingfordinner,I’dclearmyplate.I’dalreadywarnedJasperhe’dhavetopushmetothemaxtomorrowintraining.
Talialedthewayuptheporchstairstothefrontdoor.IheldKaddie’shand,makingsureshedidn’tslip.Beforewecouldknock,thedoorswungopenandatall,broadmanfilledthethreshold.
HelookedlikeayoungerversionofHarrison,withTalia’sblueeyesandthesamedarkhair.Griffin.Heroldestbrother.
“Hi.”HekissedTalia’scheek,wavingusintotheentryway.“You’regoingtowanttohangoutrighthereforaminute.”
“What?”Taliaasked.“Why?”
“Trustme.”
Voicescarriedfromdeeperinthehouse,notallofthemcheerful.
“Foster,meetmybrotherGriffin,”Taliasaid.“Griff,thisisFosterandhisdaughter,Kadence.”
“Hey,Kadence.Nicetomeetyou,Foster.”Griffextendedahand,shakingmine.
“Youtoo.”Iwaitedforaglareorforhimtosizemeup.
Wewereaboutthesameheightandbuild.Buthelookedlikethetypeofmanwhohadn’tbuiltthosemusclesinagymlikeme.He’ddoneitthroughphysicalworkonthisranch,andIrespectedthehelloutofthat.
Thesidewaysglance,thewarningstare,nevercame.Eitherhedidn’tknowaboutmeorIhadanunexpectedally.
“What’sgoingoninthere?”Taliapointeddownthehallassheunzippedhercoat,lettingmehelptakeitfromhershoulders.
“Let’ssee.”Griffinheldouthisfingers,tappingeachasherattledoffhisanswer.“Eloiseinvitedaguywithher.Whyshethoughttonightwouldbethenighttobringadate,Ihavenoidea.ButtheguyshebroughtknowsWinn.”
“How?”Taliaasked.
“BecauseWinngotcalleddowntothegrocerystoretwodaysago.Thegeneralmanagercaughtthisidiotstuffingacucumberdownhisjeans.”
Ilaughed.“You’rekidding.”
“Canyouarrestsomeonefor—Nope.”Taliaheldupherhand.“That’sthewrongquestiontoaskfirst.WhyisEloiseseeingaguywhowouldstuffacucumberdownhisjeans?”
“Noidea.ApparentlytheymetatWillie’safewweekendsagoandhavegoneonacoupledates.”Griffinsighedasthearguingdownthehallgotlouder.“Prettysureshe’sdumpinghim.”
“That’sdisgusting!”awomanshouted.“Whywouldyoudothat?Itdefiesthecommonrulesofbasichygiene.Andthat’snothowyoutreatproduce!”
Kadencelookeduptomewithwideeyes.
Isqueezedherhandtwice,asilentokay.
Griffinshookhishead.“Eloisecouldn’thaveworsetasteinmen.”
WhichmeantIwasn’tonthebottomofthelist.Score.EloisehadjustbecomemyfavoriteofTalia’ssiblings.
Footstepspoundedourway.Alankyguyinabeaniekepthiseyesaimedatthedoorasherushedoutside.Thirtysecondslater,anenginerevvedandheadlightsflashedashedisappeared.
“Cucumberman?”Taliagiggled.
Griffinnodded.“Yep.”
IexpectedthenoisetolessennowthatEloisewasn’tshouting,butthecommotioncontinued.ThevoicethatroseabovetheotherssoundedlikeAnne’sbutIcouldn’tbesuregivenI’donlymetheronce.
“What’swrongwithMom?”Taliaasked.
“ShethoughtitwouldbefuntoFaceTimeMateosohecould‘jointhefamilydinner.’”Griffinchuckled.“He’satabar,drunkoffhisassatthemoment.WhichKnoxandIthoughtwashilarious.Mom?Notsomuch.ShesnappedatmewhenItoldMateotohaveanothershot.Andthenshestartedinonalecturethathe’llneverremembercomesunup.”
Taliacranedherneck,pickingoutothervoices.“Andwhat’sLylapissedabout?Otherthanme?”
“Lyla’spissedatyou?”Griffinasked.
WouldTaliatellherbrotherwhyshewasfightingwithhertwin?Becauseshehadn’texplainedittome.
“It’snothing.”Taliaflickedherwrist.
GuessIwasn’ttheonlyoneinthedark.
“Oh.Well,Lyla’sfightingwithKnox.”Griffinblewoutalongbreath.“SinceMomistalkingtoMateo,sheaskedKnoxtoseasonthesteaks.Lyla’sinamoodbecausesheinsistedondoingitherself.ButaccordingtoKnox,shewasdoingitwrongand…Idon’tknow.Ijustwanttoeatasteaktonight.Withorwithoutseasoning.”
Metoo.Steakwasdietapproved.
Beneaththeadultvoiceswasababy’scry.
“AndHudsondoesn’tfeelgood,”Griffinsaid.“Hedoesn’twantmetoholdhim.HeonlywantsWinn.”
“What’swrongwithHudson?”BeforeGriffcouldanswerTalia’squestion,sheflewdownthehallway,probablytoexaminehernephew.
Griffbarkedadrylaugh.“Welcometothemadness.”
“Isitalwayslikethis?”
“Ireallywanttolieandsayno.”HetookthebottleofwinefrommyhandandthetotefromKadence’s.“Comeonin.”
Ichuckled,helpingKadenceoutofhercoatbeforetakingoffmyownandfollowingGriffindeeperintothehouse,wherewefoundtheEdenfamilycongregatedinthekitchen.
Thearguing,theconversation,stopped.
Alleyesswungmyway.
Okay,somaybeitwasabitnerve-racking.IheldtightertoKadence’shand.
Harrisonstoodfromthestoolwherehe’dbeenseatedandstalkedmyway,hisfaceashardasgranite.
“Dad,”Taliawarned,holdingalittleboywithdarkhair.Hudson,basedontherundownoffamilymembersshe’dgivenmeallweek.AndthewomanathersidehadtobeWinn,Griffin’swifeandtheQuincychiefofpolice.
Harrisonstoppedbeforeme,givingmethehead-to-toeglanceI’dexpectedfromGriffin.ButwhenhiseyesfellonKaddieclingingtomyleg,hisexpressionsoftened.Hebent,givingherawarmsmile.“Hi,Kadence.I’mPapaHarrison.”
“Hi,”shemurmured.
Harrisonstoodtall,lockedhiseyeswithmineand,afterthreepoundingheartbeats,heldouthishand.“Gladyoucouldjoinustonight.”
“Thankyouforhavingus.”Ireturnedhisshake.
TaliawalkedoverwithHudsononherhip.Shecamerighttomysideand,likeKadence,leanedincloseuntilIputanarmaroundhershoulders.
Ikissedherhair,thensmiledatHudson,whohadathumbinhismouth.HiseyeswerefulloftearsashedroppedhischeektoTalia’sshoulder.
Nosurprisethekidlovedher.
“Foster,Ihopeyoulikeboringseasoningsonyoursteak,”Lylasaidfromacrossthekitchenbeforeshegulpedfromthewineglassinherhand.
“Notboring,Lyla,”Knoxscolded,pinchingsaltbetweenhisfingersoverthecuttingboardteemingwithribeyes.“Simple.”
“Youguysmissedmydate.”EloiseslumpedinthestoolHarrisonhadvacated.“Hewasarealwinner.Istheresuchthingasacucumberfetish?”
“Daddy?”Kadencetuggedonmyjeans.“What’safetish?”
Harrisoncoughedintohisfisttohidealaugh.
Ipulledinmylipstodothesame.WhenImetHarrison’sgaze,therewassomethinginhisblueeyes.Acceptancemaybe?Ihopedso.
“Mateo.”Annebarkedintothephone.“Mateo.”
Noresponsebutthesoundsofabar—clinkingglasses,adullmurmurshroudedbymusicfromajukebox.
“He’sasleep.On.A.Bar.”Shehuffedandendedthecall.
“Oh,Mom.”Griffinchuckledandpulledherintohisside.“It’snotthatbad.We’vealldoneitbefore.Hell,onmytwenty-firstbirthday,Ipassedoutonabar.Myfriendsputpopcorninmyears.”
“You’renothelping.”SheswattedhischestbuthuggedhimbeforecomingovertointroduceherselftoKadence.“Hi,Kadence.I’mAnne.Andaren’tyoujustgorgeous.Iguessyouwin.”
“Winwhat?”Kaddieasked.
“You’retheprettiestgirlheretonight.Whichmeansyougetthebiggestpieceofchocolatecakefordessert.”
Kaddie’seyeswidenedasamegawattsmilelitupherface.
“Theotherkidsareinthelivingroom,playing.We’vegottoysandcoloringbooks.Wanttocheckthemout?”Anneaskedher,holdingoutahand.
“Sure.”Withthat,Kadencewassweptoutoftheroom.
“Annewentandbought‘bigkid’toysthisweek,”Harrisonsaid.“WecaneithersendthemhomewithyouguystonightorwecanleavethemhereforKadencetoplaywithwhenshevisits.”
Mythroattightened.Yeah,we’dbefine.We’dgetthere.“Wecanleavethemhere.Thatwouldbegreat.”
“Beer?”heasked.
“Fosterisn’tdrinkingbeforehisfight,”Taliasaid.“Webroughtsomesparklingwatersforusandjuiceboxesforthekids.”
“I’llgetyouone.”Harrisonkissedhercheek,thenwhisperedsomethinginherearthatmadehersmile.
Theremainderoftheeveningwasjustasloudasthestart.Exceptinsteadofshouting,therewaslaughter.Itfilledeverycornerofthehouse.
NeverinmylifehadIbeenapartofsomethinglikethis.Alivelyfamilywithendlessstories.Withinsidejokesthatwouldstretchformilesifwrittenonpaper.
Likeme,Kaddiewatchedwithwonderasthenightprogressed.Ihadn’trealizedituntilthatmoment,butourlifehadbeenquiet.Tooquiet.Maybethatwasmydoing,Vivienne’stoo,astwoparentswho’dgrownupasonlychildren.
Ididn’twantquietforKaddie.Sheneededcousins.Andsiblings.Brothersandsisterswho’dteasehermercilesslyliketheydidTalia.Who’drileherupandmakeherlaughuntilsheclutchedhersides.
Yeah,Kadenceneededsiblings.
GivenhowTaliafawnedoverhernephewsandniece,maybewe’dgettheresoonerratherthanlater.Retirementwasbeginningtosoundlikeadamngoodidea.
Afterthemeal,noonerushedtoendtheconversation.WesatattheEdens’dinnertable,surroundedbyemptyplates.KadencehadchocolatefrostingonherchinfromAnne’scake.Iwasjustdabbingitwithmynapkinwhenaphonerang.
“Sorry.”Winndugitfromherpocket,thenstood,pressingittoherear.“ThisisChiefEden.”
Griffinwatchedherhurrydownthehallwaywithworryinhisgaze.“That’sprobablythestation.”
“Ifshegetscalledin,doyouwanttostayhere?”Anneasked.
“No,I’lltakethekidshome.Givethembathsandgetthemintobed.”
“I’llcomewithyouandhelp,”Eloisesaid.“It’snotlikeIhaveadateanymore.”
Quietdescendedontheroom,suchastarkcontrasttotheboisterousenergyfrommomentsago,aswewaitedforWinntoreturn.Whenshedid,herfacewassetinaseriousmask.Acopgoingtowork.
“Ineedtogo,”shetoldGriffin,walkingtothebackofhischairtokissEmmaonhislap.“I’llbelate.”
“Besafe,”hesaid.
“Iwill.”Shekissedhimtoo,thenwenttoHarrison’schair,whereHudsonwasasleeponhispapa’sshoulder.Winnkissedherson,thenhereyesshottoTalia’s.
Someunspokenconversationhappened,butattheendofit,Taliastoodtoo.“We’dbetterheadout.”
“What’s—”BeforeIcouldfinishmysentence,herphonerang,andIknewwithoutaskingthatitwasthehospital.Shewasn’toncall.Butinatownthissize,thatprobablydidn’tmatter.
Somethinghadhappenedtonightanditwasn’tgoodnews.
Winnrushedoutofthehousefirst,hertaillightsgonebythetimewe’dloadedKaddieintothetruck.Afterrushedgoodbyes,wemadeourway,slowlyalongtheicyhighway.
“Whatdidthehospitalsay?”Iasked,keepingmyvoicelowbecauseKaddiewaslistening.
“Anaccident.”
Nosoonerthanshespoke,weroundedacornerandtheflashofredandbluelightsfilledthenightskyinthedistance.
Mygriponthesteeringwheeltightenedasweapproached.
“Kadence,closeyoureyes.”Taliaturned,makingsuremydaughterobeyed.“KeepthemcloseduntilItellyoutoopenthem,okay?”
Kaddiewhimpered.“I’mscared.”
“It’sokay,littlebug.”Itwasadamnlie.Asweapproachedthescene,nothingaboutthiswasokay.Twovehiclesoverturnedintheditch.Metalshardsandglassstrewneverywhere.“Wherearetheambulances?”
Taliapointeddowntheroad,wheremorelightsflashed.“Theydispatchedjustaminutebeforetheycalledme.”
We’dbeatenthemtothescene.“Doyouwantmetostop?”
“NotwithKadencehere.TheEMTsknowwhatthey’redoing.Itwouldbebetterformetobeatthehospitalwhentheambulancescomein.”
AtruckwiththeEdenbrandontheside—Winn’s—wasparkedattheendofalineofpolicecruisers.Winnwasonherkneesbesidethedriver’ssidedoorofanoverturnedSUV.Threeotherofficerswerecrowdedbesideher.
Onthesnow,eveninthedark,Icouldseethesprayofblood.
“Squeezethemtight,Kadence,”Taliasaid.
Shebegantocry,butwhenIriskedalookintherearview,hereyeswereclosedaswecreptalongtheroad.
Theothervehiclewasatruck.Itmusthaverolledmultipletimesbecausetheexteriorwasdecimated,thebedtwisted,thefrontandsidessmasheduntilitlookedlikeahunkofscrapmetal.Therewerefootprintsinthesnowaroundit,butnoofficers.
Becausetherewasnolifetosaveinthattruck.
Bloodwaseverywhere.
Peopledidn’twalkawayfromcrasheslikethat.
Istretchedanarmacrossthecab,puttingitonTalia’sshoulder.
LikeWinn,herexpressionwasserious,herchinheldhigh.She’dmarchintothathospitalandfacewhatevercameherway.
Whatstrengthshehad.Iwalkedintoaring,knowingmyopponentwasgoingtotryandtakemedown.Taliawouldfightjustashard,knowingthatthereweresomebattlesshecouldn’twin.
Anambulancewhippedby,lightsflashingandsirenwailing.Lessthanamilelater,anotherfollowed.Andshortlyafter,afireengine.
“That’stheentireemergencyresponseteam,”Taliawhispered.
Ikeptclutchingthewheelanddroveintotown,breathingabiteasierwhenwereachedQuincyandwereoffthehighway.“Wantmedropyou?”
“No,let’sgohome.Ineedtochange.”Shebeganstrippingoutofhercoatbeforewe’devenparked.AndonceIwasagainstthecurb,sheflewoutofthetruck,jogginginside.
“Daddy,isTaliaokay?”KadenceaskedasIunbuckledherseatbelt.Mygirl’sprettyfacewaspale.
“Yes,she’sokay.Buttheremightbesomehurtpeopletonight,soshe’sgoingtogotothehospitalandmakethembetter.”Please,God,letwhoeverwasinthatSUVlive.AllIcouldpicturewasKaddieinherseat,trappedbeneaththeweightofavehicle.SoIhuggedhertightasIcarriedherinside.
We’djusttakenoffourcoatswhenTaliacamedownthestairsdressedinherbluescrubs.Herhairwaspulledintoaponytail.“Idon’tknowhowlongI’llbe.”
“Justgo.We’llbehere.”
SheforcedasmileatKadence,thenvanishedintothegarage.
Leavingforwhateverhorrorsawaitedheratthehospital.CHAPTERTWENTY-TWOTALIA
Afterclosingthecurtainaroundmypatient’sbed,Isteppedintothehallwayandbreathedforwhatfeltlikethefirsttimein—accordingtotheclock—twelvehours.
Itwas7:17inthemorning,andI’dbeenonmyfeetallnight.Adrenalinehadfueledthelonghoursbutitwaswaningfastandacrashwascoming.
Soon.Butnotyet.
Thehallwayswerenearlysoundless.Twonursessatbehindthecounter,talkinginahushedmurmur.Everyonewaswhisperingtoday.Asullen,graycloudhoveredbeneaththeceiling,suckinganyjoyorhappinessfromtheair.
Todaywouldnotbeahappyday.
Dr.Andersonemergedfromtheintensivecareroomnextdoor,lookingasexhaustedasIfelt.Hegavemeasadsmileandcametostandatmyside.
Itwasjustthetwoofusnow,heretotendtoourpatientsforanotherfewhoursbeforewe’deachgohome.
Dr.HerreraandDr.Murphyhadleftaroundthreethismorningtoshowerandsleepforabit.They’dbebacksoontorelieveusandcoverthenormalshifts.
“Howisshe?”heasked,loweringhisvoice.
“Devastated.Inshock.Butshe’sstable.She’dliketoseeherkids.”
“Understandable.”Henodded.“Thedaughterissleepingrightnow.Onceshewakesup,let’stalkaboutputtingtheminthesameroom.ButIdon’twanttodoitunlesswe’resurebothareoutofthewoods.Thelastthingweneedisoneofthemtakingabadturnandhavingtheothertheretowitnessit.”
“Okay.Andtheson?”
Dr.Andersonclosedhiseyes.Hischinquivered.Inmyyearshere,I’dneverseenthismancry.Hewasasstoicasmyfather,thepillarwecouldallleanagainst.
Iputmyhandonhisarm.“He’salive.That’swhatmatters.”
“Iknow.”Hesighed.“Butlastnightwasthehardestnightofmycareer.”
“I’msorry.”
“Metoo.IthinkI’llputonacoatandtakealaparoundthebuilding.Getsomefreshair.”
“Goodidea.”Iwaiteduntilhewasgonebeforewalkingtowardthepatientroomhe’djustleft.Theroomwherealittleboywassedatedandasleep.Slippingpasttheclosedcurtain,Istoodatthefootofhisbedandstudiedhissweetface.
Helookedpeaceful.We’dlethimkeepthatpeaceforaslongaswecould.Becausehe’dwakeuptoanightmare.
Bothofhislegshadbeenseveredinthecaraccidentlastnight.Andifthatwasn’tbadenough,hisfatherhadbeenkilled.
TheirfamilyoffourhadbeentravelinghomefromadayattheskihillinWhitefish.Anoncomingtruck,likelygoingwaytoofastfortheroadcondition,hadhitapatchofblackiceandcausedahead-oncollision.
Bothvehicleshadrolledintotheditch.
Thisboy’sfather,aswellasthedriverofthetruck,hadbeenkilledonimpact.
Drs.Anderson,MurphyandHerrerahadallfocusedontreatingthechildren.Thedaughterhadbeenrushedintosurgerytorepairapuncturewoundtoherabdomen.Herarmwasbrokenandshe’dhavesomescarsthatwouldlastalifetime.
They’dleftmewiththemother,whoI’drevivedthreetimesinthenight.Abrokenribhadpuncturedherlung.Hershatteredwristwassplintedbutshe’dneedsurgeryfromaspecialisttosetthebonesproperly.Theentirerightsideofherbodywasalreadyturningpurple,andweweremonitoringhercloselyforanyinternalbleeding.Hervitalshadstabilizedaroundtwothismorning,andshewasawake.
Butthoseinjurieswerenothingcomparedtoherbrokenheart.
She’dlostherhusband,andwhentheyeventuallyleftthishospital,herentireworldwouldbedifferent.
Asenseless,horrificaccident.
Allbecausetheotherdriverhadbeenhighonpainpillsanddrunkoffhisass.
Winnhadstoppedbyaroundfourthismorningtocheckoneveryone’sstatus.Andtopickupbloodtoxicityreportsfromthelab.I’dbeenwithherwhenshe’dreadthem.Thecolorhaddrainedfromherfaceandhereyeshadfloodedwhenshe’dletmeseethedetails.
Herownparentshadbeenkilledinacarcrash.Relivingithadtohavebeenhorrific.
ButIknewmysister-in-lawwellenoughtoknowshe’dbejustasstoicasDr.Anderson.AsDad.Shewouldn’tcollapseuntilshewashomewithGriffin.
Regardless,I’dcalledmybrotherandtoldhimthatheneededtotakethekidstoMom,thengettothepolicestation,becausehiswifeneededhim.
Theweightofthistragedysettledonmyshoulders,threateningtosendmetomyknees.Doctorsinbigcitieshadcaseslikethisweekly.Daily.Howdidtheyendureit?
Inmedschool,we’dspenttimeshadowingdoctorsinSeattle.Somehadbeenkindandaccommodatingtostudentquestions.Somehadbeenarrogantandannoyedatourpresence.ButtherewasonedoctorIrememberedwithvividclarity.He’dbeencold.He’dhadthisairabouthim,likehe’ddetachedfromallemotion.Therobot.
Hadhealwaysbeensomechanical?Orhaditbeenhiscopingmechanism?
Mythroatburnedandmynosestung,butlikeI’ddoneforthepasttwelvehours,Ishoveditaway.Mytearswouldnotbringthislittleboy’slegsback.Orhisfather.
Whatthisfamilyneededfrommewastokeepthemalive.SoIsquaredmyshouldersandgotbacktowork,checkingonallthreepatients.ThenIleftthesmallintensivecareunitandhurriedtotheothersideofthehospital,checkingontheotherpatients.WhenIfinishedmyrounds,Ireturnedtocheckonthekidsandtheirmother.Theywereallresting.
Thetwonursesonshifthadtheirheadsbentinquietconversationagainatthenurses’station,soIwalkedover.WhentheyrealizedIwasstandinginfrontofthem,theyjerkedandbrokeapart.
“Sorry,Talia,”theblondwomansaid.“Wewerejusttalkingabout,uh,Rachel.”
“Rachel.Why?”
Thetwosharedalook.Thentheblondewavedmeclosertowhisper,“TheotherdriverwasRachel’sson.”
Igasped,myhandflyingtomymouth.“What?”
Shenodded.“Hewassortof,um…hehadsomeaddictiontroubles.”
Addictiontroubles.Howsevere?Clearly,severeenoughthathisaddictionhadledhimtodrinkingandtakingtoomanypills.Severeenoughtokillafatheroftwo.
Today,Ididn’thavealotofsympathyforRachel’sson’stroubles.
“Ihadnoidea,”Isaid.
Racheldidn’ttalktome.Shedidn’tconfideinme.We’dneverbeenanythingthatresembledfriends.Hell,shebarelytoleratedmeashercoworker.No,inherlife,Iwasanuisance.Itwentbothways.
Exceptmyheartwentouttoher.“PoorRachel.Iwonderifthereissomethingwecandoforher.”
Thenursessharedanotherlook.
“What?”Iasked.WhatwasImissing?
“That’sreallysweetofyoutothinkofher,Talia,”theotherwomansaid.“But…”
ButRachelhatedme.
ForyearsI’dbeentryingtowinherover.Andnow,seeingthelooksonthesenurses’faces,Irealizeditwasfutile.
“Ifsomethinggetsorganizedforher,pleasejustletmeknowhowIcancontribute.Evenifit’sjustsomemoneyunderthetable.”
“Icanorganizesomething,”theblondesaid.
“Thankyou.”Iwalkedaway,meetingDr.Andersoninthehallway.
Hischeekswereflushedfromthecoldoutsideandhelookedtohavefoundanotherburstofenergy.Orhewasgoodatfakingit.“Ineededthat.Whydon’tyoutakeashortbreak?You’veearnedit.”
“Areyousure?”Iasked.
“Iinsist.”
Awalkoutsidemightgivemeaboosttoo,soIheadedforthelockerroomtopullonmycoat.Inmyrushtoleavethehouselastnight,Ihadn’tgrabbedfoodandsinceIhadn’teatensincedinner,Idugafewdollarsfrommypursetopickupabananaandalatteatthecafeteria.
Ihadmysnackandasteamingto-gocupinmyhand—nothingasgoodasLyla’sespressos,butitwoulddoinapinch—asIstrodethroughthelobbytowardtheexit.Exceptaheadoffamiliargraying-blondbuncaughtmyattention,andIstoppedshortoftheslidingdoors.
Rachel
Whatwasshedoinginthewaitingarea?Whywassheatthehospital?Oh,God.Someonehadtoldher,right?Someonehadinformedherofherson’sdeath.Shewasn’twaitingforanupdate,wasshe?
Mystomachplummeted,myfootstepsleaden,asIchangeddirections.Shesatinanupholsteredchairwithwoodenarmsandanarrayofmagazinesfannedonthetableatherside.
“Rachel,”Isaidsoftly,takingtheseatoppositehers.
Shetorehergazefromthefloorandlookedup.Thewreckageinherred-rimmedeyesansweredmyquestions.Sheknew.Herbunwasdisheveledwithstrandspulledfreeathertemplesandaroundherears.
“I’msosorry,”Isaid.“CanIgetyouanything?CanIcallsomeone?”
Shetiltedherheadtotheside,blinkingtwicelikeshehadnoideawhoIwas.ThenwhateverfogclearedbecausetheRachelIknewsnappedintoplace.Theglareshesentmewaslacedwithvenom.Itmadetheotherscowlsshe’dgivenmeinthepastlooklikegentlereassurances.
“Fuckyou.”Herlipcurled.
Itensedbutstayedsilent.I’dtaketheinsults,thecurses,ifithelpedherthroughthegriefoflosingherchild.
“Heworkedforyou,”shespat.“Hewasoneofyourhiredmen.”
Attheranch.HemusthaveworkedforDad.OrmaybeGriffin.“Okay.”
“Yourself-righteousbrotherfiredhimbecausehecametoworkhungover.”
“Oh.I’m…I’msosorry.”WhatelsecouldIsay?
Shescoffed.“Itwasafterhisbirthdayparty.He’djustturnedtwenty-one.Halfofthepeopleoutgettinghimdrunkwereyourotheremployees.Andhegetsfiredforahangover?Yourdoublestandardsaresickening.”
Your.Shekeptsaying“your,”likeIhadanythingtodowiththeoperationsattheranch.Ididn’tkeepuponthestafftheyhired,letalonehaveanythingtodowithfiringthem.ButIstayedquiet,swallowingtheurgetoclarify.
“Theyclaimedhewasstilldrunk.Thathe’dbeencomingtoworkimpaired.”Herentirebodybegantotremble.“Mysonwasn’tadrunk.Itwasabunchoflies.Probablybecauseyourbrotherdidn’twanttopayhimwhathewasworth.”
NoneofthatsoundedlikeGriffin.Hepaidhishiredmencompetitivesalaries,usuallyabovethelocalmarketrate.Mostoftheranchstaffhadbeenthereforyearsbecauseofthebenefitsoffered.Butbeyondthat,GriffinandDadhadalwaystreatedtheirstaffwithimmenserespectfortheirhardwork.
IfRachel’ssonhadbeenfired,itwaslikelybecausehehadn’tbeendoingthatwork.
WhenhadGriffinhiredherson?SinceI’dmovedhome,Icouldn’trememberhearingthathe’dhadtofireanyone.Hedidn’talwayskeepmeapprised,butIknewmybrother.Griffhatedfiringmen.Itwouldhavebotheredhimenoughthathe’dhavebeennoticeablygrumpyaboutit.
ChanceswerethatRachel’ssonhadbeenfiredbeforeI’devenmovedhomefromSeattle.BeforeI’dstartedworkingatthehospital.
Ihadn’tstoodachancewithher,hadI?Shewouldhavehatedmeregardless,simplybecauseofmylastname.
“Youwalkaroundherelikeyou’resomethingspecial.”Shesneered.“Whenreallyyou’rejustaspoiledlittleprincess.Didyouknowthatthehospitalhadtomakebudgetchangestoaffordyoursalary?MysisterworkedinHumanResources.Herpositionwaseliminatedwhenyouwerehired.Sowerethreeotherjobopenings.Positionsthatwouldhavelightenedtheburdenonmystaff.”
Mymouthparted.What?“Ididn’tknowthat.”
HowcouldIhaveknownthey’dhadtomakecutstoaffordme?Iwasn’tpaidoutlandishly.Andbesides,itwasonlytemporary,right?BecauseDr.Andersonwouldretire,andasfarasIknew,theywouldn’tbereplacinghim.ThatwaswhyIwashere.Tolearn.Totrain.
Tobethedoctorforthenextthirtyyears.
Thatwaswhytheboardhadmadethedecisiontobringinanotherdoctor.
Exceptthelogicbehindtheirdecisionwouldn’tmattertoRachel.Shewastoobusyhatingme.
“Andtothink,”shescoffed.“Ifwehadactuallybroughtinadecentdoctor,maybemysonwouldbealive.”
Iflinched,theairrushingfrommylungslikeshe’dhitmeinthegut.Shecouldn’tpossiblybelievethatherson’sdeathwasmyfault.
No,shedid.Itwasthere,inhergaze,theblame.
“We’vehadmoredeathsinthishospitalsinceyou’vestartedthanwe’vehadinyears.BecausewehadtohireanEden.”Rachelstood,thenshewasgone,leavingmeinthewaitingroomalone,unabletobreathe.
Partofme,deepdowninmyheart,knewthosewereangrywords.Thatamotherwaslashingout,andI’dbeenaneasytarget.Buttheotherpartofme,rawandvulnerableandtiredandsad,wonderedifshehadapoint.
WasIabaddoctor?Aftermedicalschool,Ihadn’tappliedanywherebutQuincyMemorialformyresidency.ButifIhadbroadenedmysearch,wouldIhavegottenotheroffers?Orwouldtheyhavefoundmelacking?
MycoffeewascoldwhenDr.Andersonfoundmeinthewaitingroom,stuckinthatsame,uncomfortablechair.
“Talia,thereyouare.Good.Iwasn’tsureifyou’dcomeinfromyourbreakyet.”
“S-sorry.”Iforcedmyselftomyfeet.Mykneesfeltweak.Myheadwasspinning.“Didyouneedsomething?”
“No.JustwantedtotellyouthatDr.Herreragothere,soyou’refreetoheadhome.I’llseeyouonMonday.”
“Oh.Sure.”Inoddedbutdidn’tmove.Thegriponmycoffeewasshaky,andifnotforthelid,itwouldhavespilledonmyhand.
“Hey.”Hesteppedcloser,touchingmyelbow.“Areyouallright?”
“Justalongnight.”
“Yeah,itwas.Getsomerest,Talia.”
“Youtoo,”Ichokedout.
Latelastnight,he’dtoldmethatI’dsavedthatmother’slife.ThatherchildrenwouldgettokeeponeoftheirparentsbecauseI’dbeentheretotreather.He’dsaiditwasimportantthathe’dhadDr.Murphy’shelpwiththeboyandwhatareliefithadbeentotrustmewiththemom.
Iwasagooddoctor.Hewouldn’thaveleftmewiththatwomanifhedidn’ttrustme.Believeinme.
“I’magooddoctor,”Iwhisperedtomyself.
Thereassurancedidn’tstopthetearsfromflooding.ButIblinkedthemaway,holdingittogetherasIcollectedmypurseandkeysfrommylocker,thenmadethedrivehome.
Iparkedinthegarage,andthemomenttheJeepwasoff,thetearsfelllikeatidalwave.TheystreameddownmyfaceasIsobbed,mychestshakinguncontrollably.
Onemoment,Iwasclutchingthesteeringwheel,givingmypaintothedarkness.Thenext,theJeep’sdoorwasopenandapairofstrongarmswrappedaroundmybody.
Fostersweptmeintothehouse,hislipsagainstmyhairashemurmured,“Tally.”
Ithurt.God,ithurt.Myentirebodywascrackingintwo.
Hecradledmeagainsthischest,holdingtight.
WhileIsobbedforthelivesIcouldn’tsave.
AndthelivesIhad.CHAPTERTWENTY-THREEFOSTER
“Breathe,”ImurmuredagainstTalia’shairasIheldherinthemiddleofourbed.“Breathe.”
Shekeptcrying,curledsotightintomychestitwaslikeshewastryingtoburrowinsidemybody.Shecriedsohardthatherenterbodyspasmedwitheachsob.Thefrontofmyshirtwassoakedfromhertears.Andmyheart…fuck.Myheartcouldbarelyfuckingtakethis.
Thiscouldn’tbethefirsttimeshe’dhadahardnightatthehospital.Who’dheldherafterthosenights?Who’dbeenhereforherwhenitshouldhavebeenme?
“Breathe,love.”Ineededhertostopcrying.Ineededhertobreathe.Myarmsbandedtighter,wishingIcouldtakethispainandabsorbit.“It’llbeokay.”
Shenodded,herfistsclutchingmyshirtandtwistingitinhergrip.“I-Ic-can’t—”
Stop.Shecouldn’tstop.“Inandout.”
“S-sorry,”shestammered.
“It’sallright.”Ikissedherhair,keptmyarmslocked,untilthesobsbecamewhimpers.Herchestshookwithhiccupsandthefloodoftearseventuallyebbed.
“I’msorry,”shesaid,shiftingoutofmylaptositonherown,cross-leggedonthemattress.
“Better?”Ituckedalockofhairbehindherearandcaughtoneofthelasttearswithmythumb.
“Ugh.”Shesniffled,wipinghercheeksdry.Thensheclosedhereyes,droppingherfacetoherhands.“Sorry.”
“Whydoyoukeepapologizing?”
“Forcrying.”
“So?”Ituggedatherwrists,pullingherhandsdownuntilIcouldseeherface.
Shedraggedinashakybreath.“Idon’tlikecryinginfrontofpeople.”
“I’mnotpeople.I’mthemanwholovesyou.Tearstainedornot.”
Shesighed,hershouldersslumping.Thensheglancedbehindhertowardtheopenbedroomdoor.“Where’sKadence?Shedidn’tseethat,didshe?Shit.”
“She’snothere.It’sjustus.Maggie’smominvitedheroverforanotherplaydate.Idroppedheroffabouttenminutesbeforeyougothome.”
“Phew.”Taliaclosedhereyesagain.“Somuchforlivinginmyemotionalshell.”
“Huh?”Whatwasshetalkingabout?“Isthatsomesortofdoctorterminologyforputtingdistancebetweenyouandyourpatients?”
“Oh,no.It’ssomethingLylasaid.It’swhywegotinthatargument.”
Theargumentshehadn’ttoldmemuchabout.
“ShesaidIhaveanemotionalshell.”Taliasniffled.“Shewasgladthatyoucametotownbecausesinceyou’vebeenhere,I’veshownmoreemotioninafewdaysthanIhaveinyears.Whateverthatmeans.Ishowemotionallthetimebutapparentlynottheuglyonesthatshewantstosee.Wegotinafightaboutit.That’swhywehaven’tbeentalking.”
Icuppedherface,mythumbtracinghercheekbone.ButIkeptmydamnmouthshut.Shewasn’tgoingtolikethatIhadtoagreewithLyla.
“Doesthislooklikeanemotionalshell?”Taliatossedupherhand,herchinquiveringagain.
Mythumbjustkeptstrokingherskinasmylipsstayedclosed.
Taliastudiedmyface,thenhereyeswidened.
Damnit.Ihadn’thidit.
“Youthinksotoo,don’tyou?”Herchinquivered.“ThatIliveinanemotionalshell?”
“No,Idon’tthinkyouliveinanemotionalshell.”Itookherfaceinmyhands,pullinghercloseforakiss.“Youlaugh.Youtriedtoripmyheadoffthedaywegotitonintheringatthegym.Joy.Affection.Confidence.Youshowemotion,Tally.I’mguessingwhatLylameantwasthatyoudon’talwaysletothersseewhenyoustruggle.”
“That’snot—”
Ipressedafingertoherlips.“Caseinpoint,youjustapologizedthreetimesforcrying.”
Herframedeflated.
“It’smyfault,”Isaid.“I’llownit.”
Shescoffed.“Howismyemotionalunavailabilityyourfault?”
“Becauseyouweren’tlikethisbefore.”Igaveherasadsmile.“Rememberthattimeyouspilledbleachonmyfavoritejeans?Ifoundyouinthelaundryroomofyourapartment,bawlingoverawhitespotthesizeofadimeontheknee.”
“Youlovedthosejeans.Ilovedthosejeans.Theymadeyourasslookfantastic.”
Ichuckled.“AndIstillworethem,stainandall.”
Thosejeanshadstayedwithmealongtime,mostlysoIcouldlookatthatwhitespotandthinkofTalia.Toomanyyears,toomanywashings,andthey’dgottensothreadbarethatI’dbeendoingyardworkonedayandI’dtornthroughtheknee.I’dhadtotossthemout.I’dbeenamiserablebastardforaweekafterthat.
“Idon’twanttobeclosedoff,”shewhispered.
“Dropyourshield,love.Putyourhandsdown.Alltheway.”
“I’mscared.”
“Voiceyourfears.Let’sputthemoutthere.Facethem,together.”
Ittookheramomenttomeetmygaze.“Willyoubreakmyheartagain?”
“Never.”I’ddiefirst.
“Willyouleaveme?”
“Never.”Notwillingly.Notuntiltheend.
“Willyoustoplovingme?”
“Never.”Myloveforherhadnoend.I’dloveherinthisworldandthenext.“Never,Tally.Never.”
Tearswelledinhereyes.“Iloveyou.Onlyyou.Alwaysyou.”
Victory
Thisfightwasover.
“Iloveyou,TaliaEden.”
Sheclosedhereyes,breathinglikeshewaspullingthosewordsintothefibersofherbeing,thenshecrawledintomylap,lettingmeholdheragain.
Ikissedherhair.“Thesescrubsarenotthesameonesyouleftinlastnight.”Theoneslastnighthadbeenherstandardbabyblue.Thesewereteal,fadedfromtoomanytripstothelaundryroom.
“Ihadtochange.”
“Wanttotellmeaboutit?”Iasked.
“Iwanttobeagooddoctor,”shesaid.
“Youare.”
“It’seasytodoubtyourselfafterthenightswhenpeopledie.”
Fuck.Iheldhercloser,listeningasshetoldmeabouttheaccident.Aboutthenursewhohatedherandthesonwho’ddied.
“I’msorry,”Isaidwhenshefinished.
“Metoo.”
“WhatcanIdo?”
“You’redoingit.”Shesnuggledcloser.“Ineedtoshower.Getsomefood.SeeKadence.Icoulduseafewofhersmilestoday.”
Thatshewantedmydaughterwas,well…fuck.Ididn’tdeserveTaliaEden.
Butshewasminetokeep.
“Gotakeyourshower.Thenyouneedtorest.”
“I’mexhausted.”Sheyawned.“ButIdon’tknowifIcansleep.”
“Comeon.Upyougo.”Iliftedheroffthebedandunzippedhercoat.ThenIhelpedheroutofthosescrubs,takingthemtothehamperwhilesheretreatedtothebathroom.
Itdidn’ttakeherlongtoshower,andwhensheemerged,atowelwrappedaroundhertorso,Idraggedmyluckyshamrockteeoverherhead.
SheyawnedagainasIsteeredhertowardthebed.AndtwominutesafterI’dcurledherintomyside,shewasout.
Myarmfellasleep.Ihadakinkinmyneck.Herdamphairsoakedthesleeveandshoulderofmyshirt.Butdamnit,Ididn’tmoveforthreehourswhilesheslept.NotuntilmyphonevibratedinmypocketwithatextfromMaggie’smomsayingthatIcouldcomegetKadenceatanytime.
ThemomentIshifted,Talia’sbodyjerked.Hereyessnappedopenlikeshewaswakingfromabaddream.
“Youokay?”
Shenodded,hereyesblinkingawaysleep.“HowlongwasIasleep?”
“Afewhours.Youwanttocrashagain?I’vegottogogetKaddie.”
“I’llcomewithyou.”ShemovedtorolloffthebedbutIgrippedhershoulders,keepingherpinnedtomysideasIkissedher,slowanddeep.
“Iloveyou,”IsaidasIbrokeaway.
Shesmiled.“Iloveyou.”
“There’smygirl.”MyTally,thestrongestpersonI’devermet.Evenaftereverythingthathadhappenedlastnight,she’dwearasmiletoday.Forme.ForKadence.
Istrippedoutofmydampshirtwhilesheblow-driedherhair.Then,stillwearingmyluckyteewithapairofjeans,wetookKadencedowntownfortheafternoontowanderalongMainandswingintoEdenCoffeefordrinksandasnack.
WhileKaddieandIsatatatablesharingacroissant,TaliaandLylaslippedintothekitchenofthecafe.Whentheyemerged,Taliaglancedoverandsmiled.
Guessthatmeanttheirfightwasover.
“Daddy,canwegotoamovie?”Kadenceasked,herlipscoveredinchocolate
“Sure,”Taliaansweredformeasshejoinedusatthetable.“Thetheaterhereisn’tasbigastheonesyou’reprobablyusedto.Butit’sprettyfun.Theyusuallyhaveakidsmovieplaying.Andtheymakethebestpopcornever.”
“Betterthanmine?”Ihuffed.“Proveit.”
Shelaughed,musicalandsweet.Alaugh,unguardedandfree.
Nomoredoubts.
Thethreeofuswenttoamovie.Westoppedatthepizzaplacetopickupdinnerandtakeithome.AndafterKadence’sbath,TaliaandIbothtuckedmydaughterintobedbeforeretreatingtothecouch.
“Howareyoufeeling?”Iaskedassheleanedintomyside,puttingherheadonmyshoulder.
“Better.Thanksfortoday.”
“Welcome,”Isaid.“CanIaskyousomething?Whatdidyoudobefore?Ifyouhadaroughdayatthehospital,whatdidyoudo?”
“SometimesI’dgototheranch.Takearide.Othertimes,I’djustcomehere.”
“Alone?”
“Yeah,”shemurmured.“Butnotanymore.”
“No,notanymore.”Ishifted,readytocarryherupstairstobed,butthesoundoffootstepscamefromoutsideasecondbeforethedoorbellrang.“Who’sthat?”
“Aguess?SomeonewiththelastnameEden.”Taliastood.“I’msurenewsoftheaccidentisallovertown.”
Soherfamilyhadcometocheckonher.
Shefollowedmetotheentryway.
Exceptitwasn’tanEdenontheporch.Iflippedthelockandwhippedthedooropen,wavingourvisitorinside.“Vivienne,whatareyoudoinghere?Iseverythingokay?”
Thelatterwasastupidquestion.
Herfacewasbonewhite.Hereyeswerebloodshot.Thedarkcirclesbeneaththemlookedlikebruises.
“I’msorrytobotheryou,”shetoldTalia.Thensheglancedupatme.Themomentourgazeslocked,herfacecontortedandhereyesfloodedwithtears.“I’msosorry.”
“Sorryforwhat?Forcominghere?”
Viviennewasscheduledtobeherenextweek.She’dbookedaflighttoQuincytostayherewithKadencewhileTaliaandIwenttoVegasforthefight.
“No,it’s…ohmyGod,Foster.Ididn’tknowwhereelsetogo.”
“Whatisgoingon?”Myvoicewastooloud,butgoddamnit,Iwasstartingtoworry.
Taliainchedclosertomyside,herhandslippingintomyown.Mypulseinstantlycalmed.
UntilViviennespoke.
“It’sDex.He’snotwhatheseems.”Shegulped.“We’reintrouble,Foster.I’mintrouble.”CHAPTERTWENTY-FOURTALIA
“Comein.”IwavedVivienneinside,shiftingtomakespace.
Foster’sgriponmyhandtightenedashisforeheadfurrowed.
“I’msorry.”AteardroppedfromVivienne’scheek,landingonthefloor.“I’msosorry.”
Shewasonthevergeofhysteria.Herfingersshooksobadlyshecouldn’tgripthezipperonhercoat.ShetriedfourtimesbeforeFosterfinallysteppedin,helpinghertakeoffthejacketbeforesteadyingherasshestruggledwithhershoes.
“Didyoufly?”Fosterasked.
Shenodded.“ToMissoula.Thenpickeduparentalanddrovehere.”
“Youshouldhavecalledme.”Fosterfrowned.“Calledthecharter.”
“I’msorry.”Hervoicecracked.Sheglancedathim,thenatme.Whatevershesawonourfaceswasenoughtopushherovertheedge.Vivienneburiedherfaceinherhands,themuffledsobsshakinghershoulders,untilFosterpulledherintohisside.
“You’reworryingme,Vivi,”hesaid,lookingtomewithanunspokenquestioninhisgaze.
Thisokay?
Inodded.
MaybeI’doverlookeditbefore,ormaybeI’dbeentoostuckinmyownheadtonotice,butthewayhehuggedherwasthewaymybrothershuggedme.Itwasjustahug.Hegaveherastrongbodytoleanagainst,nothingmore.
Itwasnothinglikethecomforthe’dgivenmeearlier.Therewasnointimacyinthatembrace.
Theywere…friends.
Maybe,intime,IcouldbefriendswithVivienneagaintoo.
Somewherealongtheway,I’dforgivenher.IthadhappenedsoquietlythatIhadn’tevenrealizedituntilthismoment.Theawkwardnessmightlingerforawhile,butIdidn’thateVivienne.Ididn’tresentherfortheyearsshe’dhadwithhim.
AndFoster,well…IthinkI’dforgivenhimmonthsago.Aroundthetimewe’dmadesnowangelsinmyyard.
“Vivi,”Isaid.“DoyouwanttoseeKadence?”
ShesteppedawayfromFoster’sside,usingthesleeveofhershirttodryherface.Thenshenodded.“Please.Issheasleep?”
“Yeah.Butyouknowhowsheis,”Fostersaid.“Wecouldblareheavymetalfromthehallwayandshe’dsleepthroughit.”
ThecornerofVivienne’smouthturnedup.
“I’llshowyoutoherroom,”Isaid,leadingthewaythroughthehouse.
“Youhaveabeautifulhome.Kadencetalksaboutitsometimes.Shelovesithere.”
Ismiledovermyshoulder.“I’mglad.Ilikehavingherhere.”
Wereachedthedoorway,andIsteppedasidesoViviennecouldslipintoKaddie’sroom.Butshedidn’tgoin.Shehoveredatthethresholdwhileadifferentsadness—bittersweetandlonelyinsteadofpainedanddesperate—filledhergaze.
“IfeellikeI’mlosingher.Orapartofher.ButifIhavetoshareher,I’mgladit’swithyou.”BeforeIcouldreply,shewalkedintotheroom,goingstraightforthebedwhereKadencewascurledinherblanketslikeaburrito.Viviennebentandkissedherforehead,thenwhisperedsomethingbeforeleavingherdaughtertosleep.
Hershouldersweresquaredasshereturnedtothehallway.Shesniffledbuthadstoppedcrying.“Canwetalkinthelivingroom?”
“Sure.”Inodded,andwhenweturned,Fosterstoodafewfeetaway.
“Needadrink?”heasked.
Vivienneshookherhead.
“Tally?”
“I’mokay.”Iwalkedtohissideandlethimtakemyhand,tuggingmetothelivingroom.
FosterandIsatonthecouch,seatedsocloselythatourthighstouched.AndViviennetooktheseatoppositeusinmyfavoritereadingchair.
“What’sgoingon,Vivi?”Fosterasked.“What’sgoingonwithDex?”
Shesatramrodstraight,herhandsclaspedonherlapandherchindown.Awomanwhowaspreparingforaninterrogation,readytomakeherconfession.“I’llstartatthebeginning.”
Forme.Fosterknewtheirbackgroundbecausehe’dbeenthere.ButIappreciatedthatshewasincludingmetoo.
“DexandImetatAngel’saboutthreeyearsago.Hecameinwithamutualfriendtolearnhowtobox.Iwasworkingatthegym.ItwasallpartofDad’sgrandplan.Hehadhisson-in-lawforteachingandtraining,thiswildlysuccessfulfighterDadcouldclaimwashisprotégé.Andhisdaughterwasintheoffice,wastingtheteachingdegreeshe’dearnedtorunthebusinesssideofthingsatthegym.ItwasDad’sperfectAngel’sGymfamily.Allliesandmanipulation.”
Animositycreptintohertone.Vivienneglaredataninvisiblespotonthecarpetlikeshewaspicturingherfather’sface.
“Thankfully,Dadwasn’taroundmuch.Andhewasneverinterestedinaccountingormarketing.WhichmeantIhadtheofficetomyselfmostofthetime.ItwasperfectwhenKadencewasababy.”
“Wesetupaplayarea.ViviwouldkeepKaddieintheoffice,andIwasclosebytohelp,”Fostersaid.
“Whenshestartedpreschool,itwaslonely.Reallylonely.MaybethatwaswhyIdidn’tdismissDexthefirsttimehecameintotheofficeandflirtedwithme.BecauseIwasaloneand,well…noonehadflirtedwithmeinareallylongtime.”
“DidheknowyouandFosterweremarried?”Iasked.EvenifDexhadknownitwasasham,itseemedlikeaboldmovetochaseafterFosterMadden’swife.
“Itwasharmless.”Sheshrugged.“Andforaboutayear,that’sallitwas.DexwouldcomeintothegymeveryMonday,WednesdayandFridayoverthelunchhour.He’dworkout.Hittheshowers.Thenbeforeheleft,he’dpopintotheofficeandcomplimentmeonmyhairormyshirtormyearsormylaugh.He’shandsome.Iwasflattered.Andhemademefeelwanted.”
Fostersighed.Therewasalotofguiltinthatsigh.Thereasonshe’dfeltunwantedwasbecauseFosterhadalwayslovedme.
Iputmyhandonhiskneeandleanedindeeper.Therewasnothingforhimtofeelguiltyabout.HenevercouldhavebeenthemanVivienneneeded.
Becausehewasmine.
“Somewherealongtheway,theflirtingbecamemoreserious,”Viviennesaid.“Ican’tevenpinpointwhen,butourconversationsfeltdifferent.”
“Itwasn’tharmlessanymore,”Isaid.
“Wedevelopedfeelingsforeachother.”Aghostofasmilepulledatherlips.“Untiloneday,hecamein—itwasadaywhenFosterwasn’tatthegym—andaskedifhecouldseeme.HeknewIwasmarriedbuthesaidthathecouldn’tstopthinkingaboutme.Sowestartedanaffair.”
“No,”Fostersaid.“Notanaffair.”
“Wasn’tit?”sheasked.
“Iknewaboutit,”hesaid.“Iunderstood.”
“Untiltoday,Ineverfeltashamed.IfellinlovewithDex,andyeah,itwasn’thowIwouldhavelikedtostartanewrelationship,butwedidn’thavealotofoptions,didwe?Buttoday…”Sheswallowedhard.“WasIsodesperatetofindlovethatIinventedit?WasIsolonesomethatIoverlookedalloftheredflags?Hepursuedme.Actively.HeknewIwasamarriedwomanandhechasedmeanyway.Yeah,ourmarriagewasasham.Buthedidn’tknowthat.Notthen.”
“Vivienne,ifyoumissedit,thensodidI,”Fostersaid.“Thosedayshecametothegym,Iknewwhohewas.Iknewwhyhewenttotheoffice.YouthinkI’dlethimwaltzinthereifIthoughthewasusingyou?”
Viviclosedhereyes.“Ithink…IthinkneitherofusknewtherealDex.Likewedidn’tknowtherealArlo.”
Fosterstiffenedatthecomparison.“Whathappened?”
“DexandIhavebeentogetherforyears.”Shedidn’tanswerFoster’squestionbutcontinuedthestoryforme.“Ididn’twanttoriskmydadfindingoutandmakingoursituationworse,sowekeptitasecret.Inthebeginning,DexthoughtthatthereasonweweresneakingaroundwasbecauseofFoster.ThatwewereunhappyinourmarriagebutstayingtogetherforKadence.ExceptIcouldn’thavethatsecrethangingoverourheadsforever.”
Soshe’dtoldhimabouttheblackmail.
“ItoldDexthetruthaboutsixmonthsbeforeDaddied,”shesaid.“Hewasn’tveryhappythatI’dliedtohim,butwegotthroughit.ThenDaddiedandwewerefree.”
Free.ItwasthesametermthatFosterhadused.
“HowdoesallofthisleadtoyoucomingtoMontanaintears?”Fosterasked.He’dbeenpatient,lettingViviennegivemethebackstory,butthatpatiencewasfading.
Vivienne’sframeshrankinthechair.“Dexdoesn’twanttomove.He’sbasicallyrefusedtoatthispoint.We’vefoughtaboutitsomanytimes,I’velosttrack.”
“Youdidn’ttellmethat,”hesaid.“Yousaidhewasjustdragginghisfeet.”
“Youneededtobehere,”shetoldhim.
Withme.
“Hewasupsetaboutchanginghisjob,”Viviennesaid.
Fosterscoffed.“HeworksremotelyforatechcompanybasedinHouston.Nothingabouthisjobwasgoingtochangeotherthantheaddressofhishomeoffice.”
“Iknow.”Vivienneheldupherhands.“Butregardless,everytimeIbroughtupthemove,we’dgetinafight.Hedidn’tlikethatIwasmovingtoaccommodateyou,eventhoughItoldhimitwasbestforKadence.”
Foster’sjawclenched.He’dtoldmethatDexwasagoodguy,butbasedonthestraincreepingintohisbody,Iwasthinkingthatopinionwaschanging.
“Therealreasonhedidn’twanttomoveisbecausehecan’tleaveVegas,”Viviennesaid.
“Can’t?”Fosterasked.
Viviennesuckedinashakybreath,thenleanedforward,elbowstoknees.“Dexgotinwithabookie.Putbigmoneyonahorseraceandlost.Ihadnoidea.Butapparently,mydadfoundout.”
Fosterinchedforward.
“DadknewDexandIweretogether.Idon’tknowhoworwhenhefoundout,butheknew.SoheapproachedDexaboutit.”
“Andwhat?Threatenedhim?”Fosterasked.
Vivienneshookherhead.“No.DadjustofferedDexthechancetomakemoremoney.Saidthathe’dneverallowyouandmetogetdivorced,soifDexwasalwaysgoingtobemysidepiece,hemightaswellgetrichintheprocess.”
“Damnit.”Fosterdraggedahandthroughhishair.“Fights.Dexbetonfights,didn’the?”
“Yep.Dadtookhimtoanundergroundfightandhe’sbeengoingeversince.ItstartedaboutthesametimeItoldhimthetruthabouttheblackmail.Maybethereasonhewentinthefirstplacewasbecausehewaspissedatme.Idon’tknow.ButevenknowingallthatI’dtoldhimaboutthoseillegalfights,DexwentwithDad.Hedidokayatfirst.Wonmostofhisbets.”
“BecauseArlowastellinghimexactlywhotobeton.”Foster’sjawticked.“Fuck.Thenthatoldbastarddied.”
Viviennedidn’tsomuchasflinchatthatlastcomment.IdoubteditwasthefirsttimeFosterhadcursedArlo’sname.
Theroomwentstill.Viviennedidn’treallyneedtoexplain.Ourmindswereallbarrelinginthesamedirection.WhenArlohaddied,Dexwouldn’thaveknownwhotobeton.
“Howdeepishein,Vivi?”Fosterasked.
“Almostthreemilliondollars.”Shegulped.“Hekeptlosing.Keptborrowing,promisingtowinbig.Arlohadtaughthimenoughaboutfighting,soitwasjustamatteroftime.Hewasjustonalosingstreak.”
Athree-million-dollarlosingstreak.Whokeptgivingthatidiotmoney?IstudiedFoster,waitingtoseeifhewasgoingtoexplode.Hisfacewasgranite.Hisstormyeyesraged.Buthedidn’tsomuchasbreathe,letalonespeak.
“Dexsoldhishouse.HemovedinwithmeafterKadencecamehere,”Viviennesaid.
“Thatshouldatleastbuyhimsometime,right?”Iasked.“Howmuchdidhepayoff?”
Viviennestaredatthecarpetagain.“He,um,didn’tputittowardhisdebt.Hetookthatmoneyandputitonanotherfight.”
“Sonofabitch.”Fostershottohisfeet,walkingtothefireplacetobracehisarmsonthemantel.“You’refuckingkiddingme.”
“Hebetitonyourfight.”
“Ofcoursehedid,”Fostermuttered.“Well,atleasthe’lllikelywinthisone.”
Viviennewinced.“HebetonSavagetowin.It’stwotooneodds.You’refavored.”
SoDexhadbetonSavageinthehopesthathe’dgetabiggerpayout.EventhoughFosterwaslikelygoingtowin.
Fosterstraightened.“Tellmeyou’rejoking.”
“Ididn’tknow.”Vivienne’sbrowneyesfilledwithmoretears.“Notuntilthismorning.AguycametothehouseandthreatenedDex.Iwasinthekitchen,cookingbreakfast.Iheardshoutingandbanging.WhenIgottothelivingroom,Dexwaskneelingonthefloor.Themanhadaguntohishead.HesaideitherDexgetsthemoneyorhe’sdead.Togivehimextramotivation,hepromisedtokillmefirst.AndmakeDexwatch.”
Igasped.
Viviennewastrembling.“Ipackedupandleft.”
Fosterstoodfrozen,staringblanklyatthemantel.Themusclesinhisshouldersandbackwerebunched.
“Threemilliondollars?”IaskedVivienne.
“Yes.”Shecaughtatearbeforeitcouldfall.“I’msorry.I’msosorry.IcansellthehouseandgiveDexmyhalf.Sellmycar.SellAngel’s.HopefullythemanwhohasbeenfrontingDexwillgivemetimetoliquidateeverything,butIdon’tknow.Itsoundedlikethey’reexpectingtobepaidimmediatelyafterthefight.”
Thefightwasintwoweeks.Shewouldn’tbeabletosellpropertiesinthattime.
“Who’sthemanDexhasbeenborrowingfrom?”Fosterasked.
“TonySabbatini.”
“Christ.”Heclosedhiseyes.
“Who’sTonySabbatini?”Iasked,staringbetweenthemboth.
“Amanyoupayback,”Viviennesaidquietly.“OneofDad’snefariousacquaintances.”
“I’llgiveyouthemoney,”Fostersaid.“Thenwe’llbedonewithit.”
“It’snotthatsimple.”Herfacepaled.“Dexwon’ttakeit.Ialreadysuggestedweborrowitfromyou.”
“He’safuckingfool,”Fosterclipped.
“He’sjealous,”shesaid.“Hewon’tadmitit,buthe’sjealousofyou.Hesaidhe’dratherdiethanliveindebttoyoutherestofhislife.”
Fosterraisedhischin.“That’shischoice.”
“Evenifthatmeanstheycomeafterme?”sheasked.“I’msorry.Iknowyou’reangry.I’mangrytoo.But,Foster…Ilovehim.”
Herlove,andDex’spride,mightgetthembothkilled.
Mystomachknotted.
Foster’shandsballedintofists.“Whatareyouaskingmetodo,Vivienne?”
Herchinquivered.Andthoughshewhisperedtheword,itwasasloudasagunshot.
“Lose.”ROUND5
CHAPTERTWENTY-FIVEFOSTER
Beyondthespotless,floor-to-ceilingwindowsofourhotelsuite,theLasVegasstripwasstirringfortheday.PeoplefromaroundtheworldtraveledheretorevelinthesensationthatwasVegas.Personally,ithadneverheldmuchappeal.
I’dalwaysbeenpartialtothesurroundinglandscape,thedesertsceneryandthevibrantcolorsofsunsetovertherockyplateaus.Thetouristscouldkeeptheglitterandflashofthesemassivecasinos.Theycouldenjoythechimesandjinglesfromaseaofslotmachines.Onenighthere,andIwasreadytogohome.
Talia’sarmsslidaroundmytorsoasshefitherchesttomyback.Shekissedmyspinebeforepressinghercheektomyshoulder.Westoodinsilence,watchingtrafficweavethroughthestreetsandpeopleemergetowanderthesidewalks.
We’dspentalotoftimelikethisinthepastninedays.
Holdingeachother.Contemplatingthefuture.Preparingforanotherfight.
I’dthoughtweweredone.I’dthoughtwe’dwon.
ButIguesstherewasanotherroundafterall.
“Ifeeltrapped,”Isaid.
“Iknow.”Herarmstightened.“I’msorry.”
Isighed.“Metoo.”
“WhatdidViviennesaythismorning?”
“Nothing.Ididn’ttalktoher,justtoKadencebeforeschool.”
ItwasstrangenottotalktoVivienne.Duringourentiremarriage,Icouldcountononehandthenumberoftimeswe’dfought.Wewerefriends.Therewasnopassionbetweenus.Maybethatwaswhyithadbeensoeasytolivetogether.We’dbeencomfortableroommates.Co-parents.
Inallouryears,I’dneverbeenthisangrywithher.Whatshe’daskedmetodo,thispositionshe’dputmein,wasimpossible.
Lose.
Likefather.Likedaughter.
AfterourconversationaboutDex,I’dbeensolividthatI’dhadtoleavethelivingroom.I’dgoneupstairs,pacedthelengthofthebedroom.WhenTaliahadcomeup,she’dknownthatI’dbeenabouttounravel.Shehadn’tquestionedmewhenI’dleftforthegym.She’dstayedbehindwithKadence.AndVivienne
I’dspenthoursthatnightbeatingthehelloutofaheavybaguntiltheredhazehadclearedfrommyvision.ThenI’dsatinthering,alone,wonderingwhatthefuckIwassupposedtodo.
Historywasrepeatingitself.Itwassevenyearsago.AndinsteadofArloAngelfuckingupmylife,itwasmyex-wife.
OveraweeklaterandIwasstillfurious.Disappointed.Confused.IdoubtedmyfriendshipwithViviennewouldeverbethesame.
Itoremygazefromthewindowsandturned,tuggingTaliaintomychesttobreatheinherhair.Citrusandcoconutandmygirl.DidshehaveanyideahowmuchIneededher?HowmuchcomfortIwasdrawingfromher?
AtleastIwasn’tfacingthisdisasteralone.
“Whatdoyouneedtodotoday?”sheasked.
“JasperandIaremeetingatone.Iwasthinkingaboutheadingtothehouse,seeingwhat’sleftthatIwanttopackandsendhome.ButIdon’twanttoriskbumpingintoDex.”
Imightkillthesonofabitch.
WhatifKadencehadbeenthere?WhatifTonySabbatini’sthughadbrokenintothehousewithmydaughterthere?Whatifthey’dthreatenedherlifetoo?
HowcouldVivienneevenconsidertakingDex’sside?Mymusclesbunched.“Fuck,I’mpissed.”
Talialetmego,puttingherhandtomyclenchedjaw.“Let’sgodosomething.Takeadrive.Getawayfromthestrip.”
“Yeah.”Itwouldn’thelp.Nothinghadhelped.ButIkissedherforeheadanywayandletherleadmeintotheshower.
She’dbeenamiraclethisweek.Ididn’thavealotofwordsrightnow.EverythingIsaidseemedtocomeoutwithbite,soI’dwithdrawn.ButTaliahadstayedbymyside,holdingsteady.
SinceI’dbeenagrumpybastard,Itriedtomakeupforitwithorgasms.Ifuckedheragainsttheshowerwall.Iworkedherharduntilshescreamed,comingapartaroundmycock.ThenIwashedherhairandbodybeforeshuttingoffthewaterandwrappingherinatowel.
“Iloveyou,”Itoldherasshebrushedoutherdamphairatthesink.
“Iloveyoutoo.”Shesmiledatmethroughthemirror.“Nomatterwhatyoudecide,Iloveyou,baby.”
Droppingakissonhershoulder,IwenttotheclosettogetdressedinsomejeansandaplaingrayT-shirt.Taliafinisheddryingherhairandpulledonjeansandablacktank.Thenwesetoutforthefirstfloor,leavingthesuite.
We’dflowntoVegaslatelastnight.Toomanysleeplessnights,andI’dbeenexhaustedbythetimewe’dpickeduptherentalcaranddriventothehotel.I’dwantedtocheckintothesuite,burymyselfinTaliaforawhileand,hopefully,sleep.
Butthelobbyhadbeencrowded.EvenonaMondaynightthere’dbeenacrush,andsincethiswasthehotelwherethefightwouldhappenSaturday,mypicturewasflashingonvariousdisplays.I’dsignedautographsforalmostanhourbeforewe’dfinallymadeittotheelevator.
Ihadn’tbeeninthemoodlastnightandsureasfuckwasn’tthismorning,soIpulledonahatandpairofsunglasses,keepingmychindownasTaliaandImadeourwayoutside.
Whenthevaletspottedme,hiseyeswidened.TaliasqueezedmyhandasIgrumbledundermybreath.ButIputonasmile,shookthekid’shandandsignedmyparkingslipwhileherushedtopickupourTahoe.
Themomentwewereinside,Ibreathed.“IhateVegas.”
“Ithoughtyoulikedithere.”
“ThatwasbeforeIlivedinMontana.”Itookherhand,broughtittomylipsforakiss.WeswungthroughaStarbucksdrive-thrutopickupcoffeeandbreakfastsandwiches,thenheadedoutoftown.Awayfromthestrip.Awayfromthetraffic.Just…away.
Itwasalmosttwohourslaterbythetimewereturnedtothecity.I’dplannedtoheadbacktothehotel,butaswepassedanexit,Taliapointedformetoturnoff.
“Takethisone,”shesaid.
“Tally,no.”Itensed.ThiswastheexitthatwouldleadustowardAngel’s.Therewasnootherreasonforustogothisway.
“Please,”shesaidwhenIdidn’tslow.“Iwanttoseeit.”
Isighed,butIwouldn’tdenyherthis.She’dcometoVegasforme.Butmaybeshehadherowndemonstopummelwhileshewasheretoo.SoIdrovethefamiliarpathtowardAngel’s,dreadandloathingcreepingintomybloodwitheveryturn.Untilwewereparkedinthegym’slotnexttoafewcars.
Thisfuckingplace.Onceasanctuary.Thenajail.NotthatanyonebutVivienneknewIhatedthisbuilding.We’dpretended.We’dfakedgoodrelationshipswithArlo.
TaliamadenomovetogetoutoftheSUV,soneitherdidI.Insteadwestaredatthecinderblockwallthroughthewindshield.
Thewhitepaintwasnearlyblindingbeneaththemorningsun.I’dalwaysthoughtitwastoobrightashade,butArlohadinsistedonwhite—insideandout—becauseitwasclean.
Unlikehisdirtysoul.
EvenwhenVivihadconvincedhimtodoafreshcoatafewyearsago,he’donlyagreedaslongasshekeptitwhiteanddidn’ttouchthewallthatborderedtheparkinglot.Thatverywallhadmyattentionatthemoment.Talia’stoo.
Paintedinboldstrokesineverycoloroftherainbowonthatfadedwhitesurfacewereapairofmassiveangelwings.
“Vivienne’smotherpaintedthosewings,”Taliasaid.“Youprobablyknowthat.”
Inodded.She’dpaintedthemthesummerbeforeshe’ddiedofbreastcancer.“There’sapictureatthehouseofKadencestandingbetweenthem.”
ItwasVivi’sfavoritepicture.
Arlo’swarningaboutnotpaintingthiswallhadbeenpointless.Vivineverwouldhaveerasedthosewings.Instead,herplanwastojustwalkaway.Tokeeponpretendingthatthenewownerwouldkeepthewingsforever.
IdoubtedViviennewouldevercomebackhereaftershemovedtoQuincy.Itwouldbetoohardtoseethephysicalmemoryofhermommissing.
“Shehasn’tsaidit,butIthinkapartofViviennewisheswecouldstayhere,”Isaid.“InVegas.”
“Isthatwhatyouwant?”Taliaasked.
“No.”Montanahadmadealastingimpressionthiswinter.SohadtheEdenfamily.Quincywasmyfuture.
Viviennewouldn’targue,becauseitwastooimportanttome.
“I’msofuckingmadather.”Mymolarsgroundtogether.“She’llgototheextremeforthepeoplesheloves.Doesn’trealizeshegoestoofar.”
Justlikewhenshe’dletArlopushusintoamarriage.Ithadn’tbeenforher.Sureasfuckhadn’tbeenforme.She’ddoneitforKadence.
ViviennewouldmovetoMontanaforme.ForKadence.
Andshe’dsacrificeourrelationshipbecauseshewasinlovewithDex.
“IwonderifArlowouldhaveblackmailedyouifVivienne’smotherhadbeenheretostophim,”Taliasaid.
“Idon’tknow,love.”
“Meneither.”Taliareachedforthedoor’shandleandclimbedoutoftheSUV.
Itookadeepbreathandfollowed,meetingherinfrontofthehoodandtakingherhand.Thentogether,wewalkedintothegym.
Angel’swasnothingmorethanasquareboxofabuilding.Inaway,itwasalotlikethebuildingI’dpurchasedinQuincy,thoughitwasthreetimesthesize.Insteadofanapartment,thereweretwooffices.
Arlohadkeptone,thoughhe’drarelysatbehindhisdesk.He’duseditforclosed-doordiscussionswithfighters,meincluded.Thebusinesshedidn’twantanyonetooverhear,likewhenheaskedmeformoney.
Vivienne’sofficewasthebiggestofthetwowithtwolargeglasswindowsthatoverlookedthegymspace.Thosewindowsweredarktoday.
Threeboxingringswerespacedevenlythroughtheroom.Twoyoungerguyswereinthecenterring,onepracticinghispuncheswhileanotherheldpads.Alongthefarwallwererowsoffreeweightsandthreestationarybikes.
“Notmuchhaschanged,”Taliasaid.
“No,notreally.”Ituggedherhand,takinghertowardanopensectionofmats.
“Itsmellsthesame.Likesweatandrubberandbleachandmetalandcologne.”
Arlo’scologne.Themanwasgonebutthatscentpermeatedthesewalls.
Sheletmyhandgoandspuninaslowcircle.Thenasmiletuggedathermouthasshepointedtothefloor.“Itwasrighthere.ThiswaswhereIwassittingwhenIsawyouforthefirsttime.”
“Iclockedyouthesecondyouwalkedthroughthedoor.”Istretchedforherelbow,haulingherclose.HoldingherwashowI’dsurvivedthesepastninedays.Ifshewaswithinreach,thenshewasinmyarms.
“It’squiettoday.”Taliaglancedaround.Thespacewascleanandempty.
“It’searly.”Peakhourswereusuallyintheafternoonsandevenings.That’swhenpeoplefilteredinforlessonsandsparring.ThesocialaspectatAngel’swasjustasaddictiveasthefightingitself.
TherewasnosetclassscheduleatAngel’s.Menandwomencameinwhentheywantedtowork.Andusually,there’dbeanotherpersonhere,readytoworkthemover.
Mostlyitwasboxingwithsomemartialartsforthoseofuswho’dbeeninterested.Drillswerethefoundationonwhicheverythingwasbuilt.Therewereinstructors,likemyself,who’dmakesuretoteachpropertechnique.Butwhatmadeafightergreatwastimehoningthosetechniques.Andtimeintheringwaspriceless.
Ifyouwantedtogetbetter,youfoughtpeoplewhowerebetterthanyou.Peoplewhopushedyou.Andformanyyears,themanwho’dpushedthehardesthadbeenme.
Wasthereanypushleft?OrhadIusedupmystrength?
Amanemergedfromthelockerroom.“Foster?”
“Hey.”Ijerkedupmychin.Whatwashisname?Thereweretoomanyyoungguyscominginandoutthesedays.I’dstoppedtryingtokeeptrack,tokeepupappearances,afterArlo’sdeath.
Hell,I’devenstoppedtraininghere.Jasperhadabuddywhoownedagym.That’swhereI’dbemeetingthemthisafternoon.
Arlo’swashistorynow.I’dleftViviennetorunthisplace.AndtomoveonwithDex.
“Wonderedifwe’dseeyouaroundhere.”Theguyheldouthishand,abrightsmilestretchingacrosshistannedface.“LookingforwardtothefightSaturday.Youready?”
“Hopeso.”Iforcedasmile.
WhatifIjustdidn’tshowup?Whatiftherewasnofight?
WhatifIcouldleaveandneverlookback?
“Youheretoworkout?”Hepointedtoaring.
“Nah.Justheretostopin.Checkitout.”
“Andwe’dbettergetgoing.”Taliagavehimakindsmile.“Youdon’twanttobelatetomeetJasper.”
“Vale?”themanasked.“He’sstilltrainingwithyou?”
“Yeah.”
TheguyopenedhismouthbutIextendedahandtoshakehisagainbeforehecoulddragthisout.“Goodtoseeyou,”Isaidashefollowedustotheexit.
“Yeah,yeah.Youtoo,man.I’llbethereSaturday.”
“Appreciateit.”Withawave,IheldthedooropenforTaliatostepoutside,thenweretreatedtotheSUV.
“Lasttime,”shesaid.
Inodded.“Lasttime.”
Nomatterwhathappened,IknewinmybonesIwouldn’treturntoAngel’sagain.Maybethatwaswhyshe’dinsistedonusstopping.
Afarewell.
Toendthisthewayithadstarted.
Taliaandme.
“Youneedtoeatsomething,”shesaid.
“I’mnothungry.”Nothingsoundedgoodatthemoment.NothingbutamealmadeinTalia’skitchen.OradinneratKnuckles.
“Iwantacheeseburger,”shesaid.
“No,youdon’t.”Ichuckled.“Youwantmetogetyouacheeseburger,probablytwo,andwhenyoudon’teatthem,Iwill.”
Shegiggled.“Maybe.”
AndIlaughedforthefirsttimeindays.“IfIvomitonJasperwhilewe’retraining,I’mblamingitonyou.”
“I’mwillingtotakeonefortheteam.”
Team.“Weareateam.Youandme.”
“Whatdoyouwanttodoaboutthefight?”Itwasthefirsttimeshe’daskedmethatquestion.Insteadofpressing,she’dgivenmetime.
“Idon’tknow,”Iadmitted.“Ididn’ttalktoyouthelasttimethishappened.Tellmewhattodo.”
“Ican’t.”Shegavemeasadsmile.
“ThenI’mnotbuyingyouacheeseburger.”
Talia’slaughfilledthecabandsomeofthatanger,thefrustration,eased.RegardlessofwhathappenedSaturday,I’dleaveherewiththiswoman.
“DoyouwantmetodropyouatthehotelwhileIgomeetJasper?Orwanttowatch?”Iasked.
“Watch.”
“Goodanswer.”
Westoppedatarestaurantforcheeseburgers.AftersheateoneandIatetheother,wedrovetothegym.JasperwaswaitingwithagroupofguysI’dseeninmytimetraininghere.
ItwasdifferentthanatArlo’s.Hisghostwasn’tfloatingbehindmyback,readytodrivetheknifedeeper.Icouldrelaxhere.Stoplookingovermyshoulder.
JasperhadbeentheonetosuggestachangeofsceneryafterArlo’sdeath,provingonceagainhehadadirectlinetomyemotions.
“Howareyou?”heaskedasIjoinedhimintheringtostretchforafewminutes.
“Good.”
“Liar.”
“YouknowIhatethepressbullshit.Setsmeonedge.”EspeciallywithaloudmouthassholelikeScottSavage.
Itwasthetruth,butonlyapartofthestory.ItrustedJasperwithmylifebutIhadn’ttoldhimabouttheVivienneandDexclusterfuck.He’dbelivid,andIneededhimtokeepfocused.Oneofushadtoconcentrateonthefight.
I’dtellhimaboutitlater,afterImadesenseofitmyself.AfterIfiguredoutwhattodo.
“When’syourfirstpressevent?”heasked.
“Tomorrow.”Fortherestoftheweek,I’dbeaddingvariousappearancestomyschedule,allleadinguptothefightthisweekend.ThursdayIhadmeetingswithmyagentandmanagertotalkaboutanewcontract.Fridaywasweigh-in.
Buttoday,Ineededtotrain.SoIsmackedthefloorandjumpedtomyfeet,thenwalkedtotheedgeofthering,leaningontheropesasIbenttotalktoTalia,who’dpulledupachairjustbeyondthering.“Needanything?”
“Allgood.”Sheshookherhead.“Doyourthing.Savealittleenergyformelater.”
Igrinned.“Maybemorethanalittle.”
Twohourslater,Iwasdrippingwithsweat,mymuscleswerewarmandloose,andsomeofthehazeinmymindhadcleared.
Jasperhadbroughtinsomeotherguysfromthegym,maybesensingthatwhatI’dneededwastoburn.I’ddonesparringroundaftersparringround.Mosthadn’tbeenmuchcompetition,butmylastmatchhadbeenwithJasperhimselfandhe’dpushedhard.
“Savedyourselfforlast,huh?”Iteased,chuggingfromabottleofwater.“MadesureIwaswindedbeforeyousteppedup.”
Jasperchuckled,draggingahandthroughhissweaty,darkhair.“Thatwastheplan,butwiththespeedyou’removingtoday,itwasn’tnecessary.Howmanybodyshotsdidyouland?Two?Three?Savageisgoingtoeatyoualive.”
Hewastauntingme.Itwasworking.
“You’resuchanass.”Iplantedmyhandsonmyhips,mychestshakingwithlaughter.“Ilandedmorethanthree.”
“Seven,”Taliasaidfromherbench.Onherlapwasapenandnotepadshe’dpulledoutofherpurse.Sheliftedthepaper,holdingitupformetosee.
Asheetfilledwithtallymarks.
Arowforeachofthesparringrounds.
“See?”IsmirkedatJasper.
“HowmanydidIget,Talia?”heaskedher.
“Um…nine.”
“Shit,”ImutteredasJasperandeveryoneoftheguyswatchingroaredwithlaughter.
“Thatispriceless.”Jasperclappedmeontheshoulder.“We’rekeepingheraround.”
IlockedeyeswithTalia,thosesparklingbluesdancingasshesmiled.“Yes,weare.”
Whateverdoubts,worries,fearsI’dhadaboutthisfightvanished.
Inthebeginning,I’dtoldherthatI’dwinthisfightforher.Thatshewasmymotivation.Ourpastwasscatteredwithenoughbrokenpromises.Iwasn’taddinganother.SoIwavedhercloser,meetingherattheropesanddroppingtoacrouch.
“I’mnotlosingthisfight,”Isaidlowenoughforonlyhertohear.
Shepressedahandtoherheart.“No,you’renot.”
Itwaslikeshe’dknownallalongthatwouldbemydecisionbuthadgivenmetimetorealizeitmyself.
ThemoneyforDexandthesituationwithVivienne,therewasawayoutofthis.Neitherofthemmightlikeit,buttheydidn’tgettobitch.Notafterwhatthey’ddone.Dexandhispridecouldgofuckhimself.
“We’llfiguretherestofthisout,”Isaid.
“Afteryouwin.”
“Foryou.”
“Youalreadywon,baby.”Taliareachedformyside,herfingertipsbrushingtheGarnetFlatstattooonmyribs.
Asingletouchandthefutureflashedinmymind.
GarnetFlats.Ahousebuiltonherfamily’sranch.Ahomefilledwithloveandlaughter.
We’dbehavingaconversationatthehoteltonightaboutthosepillsshetookeachmorning.Ifshewasready,they’dgointhetrash.We’dfillourdreamhousewithkids.MakeKadenceabigsister.AndI’dworshipthiswomanfortherestofmyyears.
“Don’twinthisfightforme,”shewhispered.“Winthisoneforyou.”
WinthisfightfortheoneInevershouldhavelost.“ThenI’llbedone.ThenI’llretire.”
“Butnotyet.”
Igrinned.“Notyet.”CHAPTERTWENTY-SIXTALIA
Thearenawasbooming.Lightsflashedfromeverydirection.Themusicrumbledlikethunder.Ormaybethatwasjustmyheart.
“I’mgoingtopuke.”Ididn’tevenbotherwhisperingtomyself.Everyonearoundmewasstanding,laughingandshoutingtobeheardastheytalked.Thecrowdreveledinthespectacle.
MeanwhileIseemedtobetheonlypersoninacomplexthatheldtwelvethousandwhowasactuallysittinginherseat.
Myhandstrembled.Sweatbeadedatmytemples,notfromtheheatbutfromnerves.Idraggedinabreath,smellingconcreteandbeerandtheguybehindmewearingtoomuchaftershave.
Thechairsbesidemine,oneoneachside,wereempty.
Fosterhadinvitedhisparentstonightbutthey’doptednottocome.Hismotherhadsaidhisfightsweretooviolent.Hisdadhadsaidthey’dgetabetterviewathomeonTV.Iwasgratefulthey’ddeclinedbecauseIwasnotgoingtobegoodcompanytonight.Besides,we’dseethemnextweekbeforeweflewhome.
SoIsatalone,kneesbouncing,prayingthesefront-rowseatswouldremainempty.Unlikely,buttheideaofmakingsmalltalkwithstrangersspikedmyanxiety,soIdidn’tthinkaboutthechairs.
Atmyright,abaldmaninablacksuitcoatraisedhishandinawavebeforereturningtohisconversation.Foster’smanager.I’dmethimonThursdayatameeting.Foster’sagentwasprobablymillingaroundclosebytoo.
Ididn’tevenbothertosmileaspeoplewalkedby.Iwastoonervoustosmile.WasFosterokay?Washestretchingorwarmingup?Washedrinkingenoughwater?
Hisweigh-inhadbeenyesterdaymorningandhe’dbeenrehydratingsince.
Tocallthepastfourdaysintensewouldbeanunderstatement.Fosterhadshiftedintoadifferentmodesincewe’dcometoVegas.He’dtrainedharder.Pushedharder.Focusedharder.He’dhadpressconferencesandmeetings.
I’dstayedbyhissidethroughitall.EverytimeI’dofferedtogivehimspace,he’dtakenmyhand,wordlesslykeepingmeclose.
SoI’dstayed,watchinginaweasthemanIlovedpreparedforhislastprofessionalfight.Theculminationofhiscareer.Ifhewasupset,Fosterhadn’tletitshow.
Thisfighttonighthadbeenhisfocus.TheonlybreaksinhisconcentrationhadbeentocallKadence.Andlateatnight,inthedarkhours,withtheLasVegaslightsstreaminginthroughourhotel’swindow,whenhe’dlosthimselfinmybodyandletgo.
Itwastheend.
Andabeginning.
Mykneesbouncedfaster.Wouldheregretthis?Wouldhemissthisenergy?Itpulsedthroughthebuilding,bouncingfromwalltowalluntilitcollectedinthecenterofitall.
TheOctagon.
Evenempty,theeight-sidedringwasintimidating.Thoseseatedinthehighestlevelsofthestandswouldwatchtheactionfromtheenormousscreenshangingoverhead.Millionsofpeoplewouldbetuninginfromthecomfortoftheirownhomes,includingmyfamily.
AndIwouldbehere,sittinginthefrontrow,hopingIdidn’tvomitontelevision.
Ihadn’tbeenthisnervousbeforetakingtheMCAT.Ihadn’tbeenthisnervousonmyfirstdayatQuincyMemorial.Ihadn’tbeenthisnervousdeliveringthatbabyallthoseyearsago.
MystomachchurnedandIclosedmyeyes,willingthedizzinesstoease.
WhenIopenedthem,Chase,theyoungmanwho’descortedmetomyseatearlier,wasmarchingmyway.HewasFoster’smanager’sassistantorsomething.DidFosterneedsomething?
I’dspentmostoftheafternoonandeveninginthelockerroom.I’dhoveredagainstthewall,doingmybesttostayoutofthewayaspersonafterpersoncameintotalktohim.Thenastimehadgoneon,asthearenahadopenedandpeoplehadfloodedintothestands,Fosterhadgivenmealongkissgoodbye.
InChase’shandwasanotepadandapen.Hissmilewaswide,akidwhowaslovingeveryminuteofthis.Ienviedhisunbridledexcitement.Toomuchdreadchurnedinmymindtoenjoytheshow.
IfFosterlost,itwouldbecrushing.Ididn’twantthatsortofdisappointmentforhim.Notafterallthathe’dbeenthroughtogethere.Notafterallhe’ddecided.
Chaseglancedoverhisshoulder,andIfollowedhisgaze.
“What?”Igaspedandshottomyfeet.
Lylarushedover,herarmsopenforahug.
Behindher,Eloise’smouthwashangingopenasshetookitallin.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Iasked,holdingmysistertight.
Eloisejoinedthegrouphug.“Fosterdidn’twantyousittingalone.”
Sohe’dflownmysisterstoVegastositatmyside.
Oh,howIlovedthatman.
“I’mgladyou’rehere,”Isaid,holdingthemtighter.
“Areyouokay?”Lylaasked.
Ishookmyhead.“Nervous.”
“CanIgetyouladiesanything?”Chaseaskedaswebrokefromourhug.“Drinks?Food?”
“Drinks,”Lylasaid.
“Andfood,”Eloiseadded.
“Ofcourse.”Henodded,thenextendedthepaperandpen.“FromMr.Madden.”
Iglancedatthesheet.Thetopwasblankbuttherewasaslightdarkeningbeneaththepage,soIthumbedtothenext.AndfoundFoster’snote.
Iloveyou,Tally.Domeafavor.KeeptrackofhowmanytimesIpunchScottSavage.
Ilaughed,myeyesfloodingasIpressedthenotepadtomyheart.
“What?”Lylaasked.
“Nothing.”JustFosterknowingthattherewasnowayI’dbeabletositidletonight.
“I’llbebackwithdrinksandsnacks,”Chasesaid.“Textmeifyouwantanythingelse.”
Inodded,waitinguntilhewalkedaway,thentookmychairwithEloisesittingonmyrightandLylaonmyleft.
“He’sgoingtowin,”Lylasaid,takingmyhand.
Eloisegrabbedtheother,squeezingtight.“Andthenwe’regoingtoparty.”
Iheldontomysistersastheminutespassedandtheanticipationbuilthigherandhigher.Morepeopletooktheirchairs.TherefereecameintotheOctagon,makingalooparoundtheedge.Thenanannouncerjoinedhim,carryingamicrophoneandshadowedbythreecameramen.
“Thisisintense,”Lylasaid.“Areyoubreathing?”
No.Igulpeddownsomeair.
Thelightsinthearenadimmed.SpotlightsmadealooparoundtheroombeforezeroinginontheOctagonastheannouncerliftedthemicrophonetohismouth.“Ladiesandgentlemen,wearelivefromLasVegas!It’stime!”
Thecrowdroared.Thecheersspurredontheannouncer,whoonlygotlouder,andtheatmospherewentfromelectrictocrazed.
Therewerefivefightsonthecardtonight.FosterandScottSavagewouldbethemainevent,takingplacelast.
Sittingthroughthefirstfourwasagonizing.Thepeoplearounduscheeredandyelled,rootingforfightersduringthefirstfourfights.LylaandEloisesnackedanddrankcocktailswhileIhadtoforcemyselftobreathe.
Inandout.
Thewaitwastorture.IclutchedFoster’snoteasChasekeptbringingfoodanddrinks,noneofwhichItouched,untilfinally,thefourthfightwasoverandtheOctagonwaspreppedforthemainevent.
“Herewego,”Isaid,closingmyeyes.Don’tlethimgethurt.
Maybeanotherwomanwouldhaveprayedforawin.ButallItrulycaredaboutwasthatFosterwalkedoutofthatring.
Thelightsswungtowardatunnel.ScottSavagecamewalkingoutwithatleasttenpeopleinhisentourage.Hepuffedouthischest,yellingandpoundingafistagainsthissternumashesteppedintothering.
“Ican’twaitforthisguytolose,”Lylasaid,leaningclosesoIcouldhearher.
“Look.”EloisepointedtotherightasFosteremergedfromadifferenttunnel.
Astone-facedJasperwalkedathisside.BehindthemweretheotherguysI’dmetinthelockerroomaswellasFoster’smanagerandagent.
WhatevertheannouncersaidfadedtoablurasIkeptmyeyesgluedtoFoster.Andhisfocuswasentirelyonthering—untilJaspernudgedhiselbowandjerkedhischinmydirection.
Foster’seyeslockedwithmine.
Loveyou,Imouthed.
Thecornerofhismouthturnedup.
“OhmyGod,you’resogoingtobeonTV.”Lylalaughed.“IhopeKnoxisrecordingthis.”
Icouldn’tthinkaboutTVrightnow.IjustkeptmyattentiononFoster,notcaringwhattheysaidaboutme.NotcaringiftheyknewwhoIwas.
FostershotSavageascowlashesteppedintothecage,walkingtohisowncornerandstrippingdowntoonlyapairoffittedblacktrunksthatshowcasedthestrengthinhisthighsandtheperfectglobesofhisass.Everymuscleinhisbodywasdefined.Hisabsbunchedashebent,stretchinghishamstrings.Hiscordedarmsrosehighasherolledouthisshoulders.
Theannouncerdronedon,runningthroughalistofsponsors,namingthejudgesandintroducingthereferee.
AfterFosterstretched,hebouncedonhistoes,keepinghisbodywarm.Hisfacewasblankasacameramanclosedintight.Hiseyeswerenarrowed.Hiswristsweretapedinredandhisknucklescoveredingloves.
Pleasedon’tgethurt.
“IntroducingtheundisputedUFCmiddleweightchampionoftheworld.”Theannouncerdraggedouteverywordashespoke,almostlikeasong.“TheIronFist.FosterMadden.”
LylaandEloiseclapped,cheeringwiththousandsofpeopleastheyjumpedtotheirfeet.
Istood,myheartracingasFosterheldupanarm,greetingthecrowd.Hecircledhishalfofthering,thenreturnedtothecornerwhereJasperwasuponastand,bendingovertheedgeoftheOctagon.
“Andourchallenger,”theannouncersaid.
Ididn’thearanyofwhatcamenextbecauseeverypersonaroundmebegantoboo.EvenLylaandEloisecuppedtheirhandsovertheirmouths,jeeringScottSavage,whoadjustedthewaistbandofhiswhiteshorts.
Savagepreenedthroughhisintroduction,wavinghishandstorileupthecrowdandtauntFoster.
Awomandressedinbootyshortsandasportsbracircledtheringwithagiantnumberone.TwodoorstotheOctagon,oppositeeachother,wereopen,andastheannouncerflippedtothelastpageofnotesinhishand,peoplebeganfilingoutofthering.
Thecrowdquietedaspeopletooktheirseats.
Wewerebeneaththetelevisionscreensandunabletoseewhattheywereshowing.NotthatI’dlook.MyattentionwaslockedforwardastherefereewavedbothFosterandSavageintothecenterofthering.
Fosterheldouthishandforashake.
Savageturnedandwalkedaway.
“Asshole,”Imuttered,shootingSavageaglarebeforetakingoutmynotepad.KeepingtrackofhowmanytimesFosterpunchedhimwasgoingtobemypleasure
Myheartbeatwasfranticastherefereenodded.Thenadingechoedthroughthespaceandthefirstroundstarted,bothmenfacingoffandmaneuveringaroundthering.
Fivesecondsofassessingeachother,thenSavagewentontheoffensivefirst.HeattackedFosterwithtwopunchesthatlookedsloppyandwild.Fosterblockedoneanddodgedtheother.ThenSavageattemptedafrontlegroundkickthatFostercaughtwithanelbow.
IthadtohavehurtbecauseSavagehoppedfunnyfortherestoftheround,andwhenhecametohiscorner,evenfromadistanceIcouldseethegooseeggformingonthetopofhisfoot.
FosterlookedrelaxedandcalmashespoketoJasper.Entirelyincontrolastheystartedthesecondround.ExceptIhadyettomakeatallymarkonmynotepad.
“Comeon,baby,”Iwhispered.
Savagetookaswingwithhisrightarmthatwentwide.
Fosterducked,missingit,andwhenheroseup,hisleftjabsmashedrightintoSavage’seyebeforehisrightfistconnectedwithSavage’skidney.
BloodpooledfromacutinSavage’seyebrowashestumbledbackwardjustastheroundfinished.
Two.Idrewtwoneatmarksonthepage.WhenIlookedup,Fosterstoodinthecenterofthering,hischestrisingandfalling.AndinsteadofheadingtoJasper,whowaswaiting,Fosterstaredatme.
Iheldupthenotepadandtwofingers.
Heheldupone.
Whatdidthatmean?Onemoreround?Onemorehit?
Hewinked,thenstrodeovertoJasper,whosquirtedsomewaterpastFoster’smouthguard.Whenhereturnedtothecenter,standingattheready,Savagejoinedhimagain.Thecutonhisforeheadwasgreasedandtaped.
“Winthis,Foster,”Isaid,inchingtotheedgeofmychair.
Therefereegavethemthesignalandtheyjumpedstraightintothethirdround,circlingandweaving,tryingtogetinashot.
Savagethrewacross,puttinghisentireweightintoit,andallFosterhadtodowasleanback.Savage’sglovebarelyskimmedFoster’snose.
Andthenheattacked.Aleftjabtothenosefollowedbyarightuppercuttothechin.Foster’sleftswungagain,thistimeconnectingwithSavage’sjaw.Andthentheright,whichslammedintoSavage’stemple.
FourpunchesandSavagehitthefloor.
Therefereerushedforward,likelytostopFosterfromleapingontoSavageandpunchingsomemore.
ButFosterjuststoodabovehisopponent,staringdownasSavageattemptedtopushuponanelbowonlytofalldownagain.
Knockout.“Yes!”IwasonmyfeetbeforeI’devenrealizedIwasstanding.Myarmswereintheair,thenotepadclutchedinafist.
LylaandEloisewerescreaming,bothjumpingupanddownbesideme.
TearspoureddownmyfaceasFosterrushedtoJasper,gettingaclapontheback.
Mylungsexpanded,abletodrawinafullbreathforthefirsttimeinhours.Myheartclimbedoutofmythroat.AndIclappedandcheeredandjoinedinthefrenzyastheyannouncedFoster’swin.
Achampion.Thatmanwasachampion.Andhewasmine.
Thecelebrationcontinueduntilthelightsinthearenaturnedonbrightandpeopleintheuppersectionsbegantotrickleoutofthecenter.Lyla,EloiseandIstayedinourseats,waitinguntilFosterwasabletopushthroughthedoorandhopdownfromtheOctagon.
Werushedtoeachother.HisarmswrappedaroundmeasIheldhimtight.Heburiedhisfaceinmyhair.Andabovethenoise,Ibarelyheardhiswhisper.
“Wewon.”CHAPTERTWENTY-SEVENFOSTER
“IsKadenceasleepalready?”Taliaaskedasshecamedownstairs,joiningmeinthekitchen,whereIwasfinishingupthedishesfromdinner.ShewaswearingoneofmyT-shirts,thehemhittingmidthigh.Herhairwaswetfromtheshower,andherfacewasclean,hercheeksflushed.
Inallmylife,I’dneverseenamorebeautifulwoman.Neverwould.
“What?”Shewalkedcloser.“What’sthatlook?”
“Nothing.”Ipulledherintomychest.“Yeah,she’sasleep.”
“Damn.Ifeelbadforgettinghomelate.”
“Sheunderstandsyouwereworking.”
Taliarestedhercheekagainstmychest,herarmswindingaroundmywaist.“Don’tletgo.”
“Never.”Ikissedthetopofherhair.
Ibeganswayingbackandforth,notquiteaslowdance,butenoughthatshemovedwithme.
TodayhadbeenTalia’sfirstdaybackatworksincewe’dcomehomefromVegasyesterday.Inthedayssincethefight,we’dbeeninseparable,andwhenshe’dgottenuptoleaveforworkthismorning,I’dtriednottoletmydisappointmentshow.
“Imissedyoutoday.”
Sheshifted,puttingherchinonmysternumtomeetmygaze.“Imissedyoutoo.ButI’mgladwe’rehome.”
“Samehere.”
Vegaswashistory.Ourlastdaysspenttherehadbeenanicewaytosaygoodbye.
Sundayafterthefight,I’dhadmeetingsandappointments,mostlyforpress.TaliaandIhaddecidednottoannouncemyretirement.We’dridethewaveofthewinforawhile,thenquietlystepaway.
ThetwoofushadspentMondayinourhotelroomcelebrating,orderingroomserviceandspendingthedayinbed.ThenTuesday,we’ddrivenintothedesertforasunrisehike.Thateveningwe’dgoneouttodinnerwithmyparents,thenyesterdaymorning,we’dpackedupandflowntoMontana.Kadencewasashappytohaveushomeasweweretobehere.
“Myagentemailedmetoday,askingaboutanewcontract,”ItoldTalia.
“Whatdidyousay?”
“Nothing.I’mgoingtoignorehimuntilnextweek.”Bethechampionforafewmoredays.Enjoythistimeathome.
Thentakethenextstep.
“Whathappenedatthehospital?”I’dexpectedherhomearoundsixbutshe’dtextedandsaidsomethinghadcomeup,sosheneededtostaylate.
“Itwasn’tbad,justbusy,”shesaid.“AguycameintotheERrightbeforeIwassupposedtoleave.He’dburnedhishandwhilehewastryingtocookananniversarydinnerforhiswife.”
“That’sananniversarytheywon’tforget.”
“No,theywon’t.Hiswifewasreallyunderstandingaboutitandhejustkeptapologizingoverandoveragain.Itwassweet.”
“HowwasitwithRachel?”
“Shewasn’tthere.”Taliahadconfessedyesterdayontheflightthatshewasanxiousaboutgoingbacktothehospitalaftertheaccident.Shehadn’tseenRachelsincetheirencounterinthewaitingroom.“Sheactuallytookaleaveofabsence.”
“Really?”Istoppedmoving.“Maybethat’sforthebest.”
“Ifeelawfulforher.Ican’timaginewhatitwouldbeliketoloseyourson.Nomattertheproblemshemighthavehad,hewasstillherchild.”
Ishuddered,notwantingtothinkaboutthathorror.
“Therumorwiththenursingstaffisthatshewon’tcomeback.”
ForTalia’ssake,Ihopedthatwastrue.“Giveittime.”
“IhadalongtalkwithDr.Andersontoday.”
“About?”
“Everything.”Shepressedhercheektomyheart,mycuetoresumeswaying.“Hecalledmeintotalk.Iguesswhileweweregone,anotheroneofthenursestoldhimaboutRachel.She’doverheardwhatRacheltoldmeinthewaitingroomandshethoughtthereasonIwasn’tatworkwasbecauseI’dquit,notbecauseIwasonvacation.”
“Andhowdiditgo?”
“Good.”Shehuggedmecloser.“Hetoldmethatthebudgetcutshadnothingtodowithmyposition.ThatthereasonRachel’ssisterwasletgowasbecauseshewasbadatherjob.”
That’swhatI’dsuspected.“Feelbetter?”
“Alot.”Shelookedupandsmiled.Asmilesofulloflightitilluminatedtheroom.“HetoldmeIwasagooddoctor.”
“Becauseyouare.”Ituckedalockofhairbehindherear.
“Sometimesit’snicetobetold,”shesaid.“Wepickedadateformylicenseexam.It’sgoingtogetalittlecrazywithaddedstudytimebut—”
“We’llfigureitout.Whateveryouneed.”
“HecallsmeTalia.EveryonecallsmeTalia.”Shepaused.“Iwasworriedthatitwasbecausetheydidn’tthinkIwasagoodenoughdoctor.I’msurenomatterwhat,I’llalwayshavedoubts,butI’llgiveitmybest.”
“Yeah,youwill.”Ileanedmycheekagainstthetopofherhead,swayingalittlefasterandspinningusinaslowcircle.
“Whathappenedinyourday?”
Iclosedmyeyes.“IgotacallfromDex.”
Taliastiffened,pushingoutofmyhold.Thesmilewasgoneandthatworriedcreasewasbetweenhereyebrows.“What?When?Whydidn’tyoutellme?”
“Iamtellingyou.”Ichuckledandhauledherintomyarmsagain,holdingtightasshesquirmed.
“Leadwiththat,”shesaid,pokingmeintheribs.
“Noted.ThoughIthinktodaywasthelasttimeI’llbespeakingtoDex.”
“Whatdidhesay?”
“‘Fuckyou.’”
Herjawdropped.“Seriously?”
“Yup.”Ishookmyhead.“OverthreemilliondollarsandallIgetisafuckyou.”
Beforethefight,I’dmadeahardcalltoTonySabbatini.He’dbeenalooseacquaintanceofArlo’s—filthtendedtorunwithfilth—andthoughI’dnevermettheman,I’dheardtherumorsofhismafiaties.
TonyownedahandfulofcasinosaroundVegas,allofthemshady.DexhadtrulyfuckedhimselfbygettinginvolvedwiththeSabbatinifamily,butallI’dcaredaboutwasVivienne’ssafety.SobeforeI’deversteppedintotheOctagonwithSavage,I’dmadeadeal.
ThreemillionpluswhatDexwouldlosebettingonmyfight.I’dboughtDex’sdebtoutright.Inexchange,Viviennewastobeforgotten.
MaybeTonywouldstillgoafterDex.Ididn’tgiveafuck.IfDex’segowasbruisedbecauseI’dbailedhimout,hecouldrotinhell.I’ddoneitforKadence.
I’dpaidtoensuremydaughterdidn’tlosehermother.
“WhywouldDexevencallifnottosaythankyou?”Taliaasked.
“Tosayfuckyou.”
Shefrowned.“Sorry.”
Ishrugged.“He’soutofourlives.”
“AndVivienne’s?”
“ShetoldKadencetonightthatshewasalmostdonepacking.KaddieaskedifDexwascomingtooandVivitoldherthattheybrokeup.”
“Thenit’sover.”Taliablewoutalongbreath.“DidyoutalktoVivienne?”
“No.JustlistenedwhilesheFaceTimedwithKadence.”
ConversationwithViviennewasjustastensenowasithadbeenbeforethefight.OtherthantradinglogisticsforKadence,communicationwasshort.She’dhurtme.Andthoughshe’dapologizedprofusely,weshouldn’thavelandedhere.
ViviennehadstayedinQuincywhileTaliaandIhadbeeninVegas.Whenwe’dgottenhome,we’dtradedtheairplaneandshe’dflownbacktothecitytobeginpacking.
Asofthismorning,ourhousewasonthemarket.SowasAngel’s.
Thosehadbeenconditionsofmine.IfIwasgoingtopayDex’sdebt,ViviennewasgoingtogetherassoutofVegas.
Afterthefight,whenTaliaandIhadmadeitbacktothehotelsuite,I’dcalledVivienne.She’dansweredintears,thinkingDex’slifewasover,untilI’dtoldherthatI’dpaidhisdebt.WhenItoldherthatIexpectedhertomoveandsoon,she’dagreedimmediately.
Progress.We’devenscoredsomeQuincyrealestate.
Eloisehadoverheardatipatthehotel.AnoldercoupleintownwasmovingtoMissoulatobeclosertotheirgrandchildrenandwouldbelistingtheirhouseforsale.Blessthatlocalphonebook.Taliahadlookeduptheirnumberandgiventhemacall.Anhourlater,myrealtorhadbeendraftingthebuy-sellagreement.
Iwaspayingcashplusfifteenthousanddollarstoexpeditetheirmove.Itwouldbetight,butifthetimingworkedperfectly,thehomewouldbeemptywhenVivienne’sownmovingtruckarrived.
Thehousewasfiveblocksaway.Kadencewouldbetradinghousesbutatleastthosehouseswouldbeclose.
“WhatdoyouthinkwillhappenwithDex?”Taliaasked.
“Idon’tknow.There’sachancethey’llgoafterhim.Butthefactthathecalledmetoday…”Thefactthathewasstillalive.“Ijustdon’tknow.”
“Doyouthinkwe’llbeokay?”
Therewasfearinhervoice,soIheldhertighter.“We’llbefine.”
ThankstoArlo.Thatconnivingbastardhadbeenhelpfulafterall.
Arlohadkeptabook.Itwasnobiggerthananotepadandhe’dtuckeditawayinthesafeatAngel’s.IdoubtedVivienneknewaboutit.Iwouldn’tbesharingitwithTaliaeither.Thelesseitherofthemknewabouthisconnections,thebetter.
Inthatlittleblackbook,he’dkeptnamesandnumbers.Informationabouttheundergroundfightingcircuit.DetailsaboutthebigplayersandbookiesinVegas.
Afteryearsandyears,thatbookhadbecomeArlo’sinsurancepolicy.
He’dtoldmeaboutthebookonce,andonlyonce.OnanightIwassurehedidn’tremember.Anightwhenhe’dbeengiftedabottleofscotch,andinsteadoftakingithome,he’dopeneditatthegym.Theguyshadclearedout,leavingonlythetwoofusbehind.
Andhe’dhadthatbookopenonhisdesk.
Everybethe’dmade,everycontacthe’dknown,waslistedinhissmall,neatscript.He’dfilledoverthreepageswithinformationaboutTonySabbatini’screw.
Arlohadtoldmethatifanythingeverhappenedtohim,anythingsuspicious,thatthebookwastobesenttothefederalauthorities.
Theinformationcouldhavebeenoutdated.Ididn’tcare.I’dtoldTonythatArlohadalistofnames.He’daskedmetonameafew,soI’drattledoffthoseIcouldremember.AfterArlo’sdeath,I’dtakenthatbookandkeptithidden.IthadmadethejourneytoMontanatoo.
ApparentlythenamesI’drecitedhadbeenenough.Tony’slawyerhadforwardedmeadummyinvestmentcontractforabusinessIwassureonlyexistedonpaper.Andalongwithmymultimillion-dollarwiretransfer,thismorning,I’ddroppedArlo’sbookinthemailtoTonyhimselfasagoodfaithgesturethatIwantednothingtodowithhisworld.
Withanyluck,thatwastheendofit.
Maybeitwasfoolishtobelieveitwasover.ButIwashedgingmyownbetsnow.IwasbankingonthefactthatIwasoutofLasVegas,andsoon,I’dbejustanotherforgotten,retiredUFCfighter.
“Thatwasalotofmoney,”Taliasaid.
“It’sjustmoney.”Thereweremoreimportantthings.“Besides,whatdoIneeditfor?I’mgoingtomarryadoctor.”
Shearchedhereyebrows.“Marry?”
“Ifsheeverdecidestowearherring.”
“Wait.”Talia’seyeswidened.“Areyouaskingmetomarryyou?”
“Somethinglikethat.”Igrinned,lettinghergotodiginmypocketforthevelvetpouch.“Thishasbeeninmypocketformonths.Icanputitback.Doafancyproposalwithflowersandcandlesandfireworks.OrIcanputitonyourfingerandwecandancearoundthekitchen.I’llprobablysteponyourfeetafewtimes.ThenI’lltellyouhowmuchIloveyouandcarryyouupstairstoourbed.”
“You’vekeptitinyourpocketallthistime?”shewhispered.
“Untilyoufeltlikewearingit.”
“Tonight.”Sheliftedherhand,herfingersshaking.“Nofancyproposal.”
“Thankfuck.”Istruggledtogetthebagopen.Theringwaswarmfrombeinginmypocketallday.IfumbleditoncebeforeIfinallysliditontoherfinger.
Whereithadalwaysbeenmeanttobe.
“OhmyGod.”Thediamondsparkledinthemutedlightasshehelditup,thatblindingsmileonherfaceagain.Thensheroseuponhertoes,herlipsbrushingmine.“Iloveyou,baby.”
“Iloveyou,Tally.”Ifusedmymouthtohers,mytonguesweepingpastherlowerlip.Myhandskimmedunderthehemofmyshirt,glidingacrossthesmoothskinofherhip.ThenIhoistedherintomyarms,skippedthedanceentirelyandcarriedherupstairsaspromised.
VictoryEPILOGUETALIA
Onemonthlater…
“Daddy!”KadenceracedthroughEdenCoffee.Hernewbootspoundedonthefloorasherbraidswungbetweenhershoulders.
Fosterslidoutofhischairjustintimetocatchherandshelaunchedherselfathim.“Howwasit?”
“Somuchfun.”Shegiggledwhenhetickledherside.“Canwegoagain,Talia?”
“Ofcourse.”I’dtakenherhorsebackridingattheranchthismorning.She’dinstantlyfalleninlovewithNeptune.
“Tomorrow?”
“Um,sure?”Ilaughed.“Aslongasit’snotraining.”Orsnowing.
TheAprilforecastwasagamble.Itcouldbesunnyandwarmonedaywithablizzardandsixinchesofsnowthenext.Butiftheweatherwasgood,I’dhappilytakeKadencetotheranchandletherridearoundthearena.
“Wantasnack?”Fosterasked,settingherdown.
“Okay.”
“HitupLyla.”Henudgedherforthecounter,whereLylawaswaitingwithasmile.Thenhewalkedover,bendingtogivemeakiss.“Good?”
“Reallygood.Itwasfun.”
IthadbeenFoster’sideaformetotakeKadencealonetotheranchtoday.Sincethey’dmovedintomyhouse,we’dspentplentyofhourstogether,butitwasrareforKadenceandmetohaveone-on-onetime.Sohe’ddecidedtohangbackandmeetJasperhereforcoffeewhilewehadafewhoursalone.
“Youwantsomethingtoeat?”heasked.
Iscrunchedupmynoseandshookmyhead.“I’mnothungry.”
“Youdidn’teatbreakfast.”
“Iateattheranch,”Ilied.Tonight,afterKadencewenttoVivienne’shouse,I’dtellhimwhyIwasn’tfeelingwell.Butnotwithpeoplehere.“Hey,Jasper.”
“Hey,Doc.”Jasperraisedahand.
“Fostertoldmeyou’regoingtostickaroundforawhile.”
“Yeah,alittlebit.”
“Hecan’tlivewithoutme,”Fosterteased.
Jaspershookhishead,hischestshakingwithaquietlaugh.
IwasgratefulthatFoster’sfriendhaddecidedtostay.Fosterwouldn’thavemadethatbigofanask,butwhenJasperhadvolunteeredtomove,there’dbeennoobjection.
Jasperhadapproachedtheownersofthecabinhe’dbeenrenting.Insteadofextendinghisagreement,they’dofferedtosellhimtheproperty.Withhimhere,itmeantFosterwasn’talonesomuchduringtheday.
Iwasworkingatonandstudyingformyupcomingexams.AndthoughFosterwasadjustingwelltoretiredlife,whenKadencewasatschool,IwasgratefulthathehadJaspertokeephimcompany.
ForhoweverlongJasperdecidedtostay.
“I’mgoingtosayhitoLylaandgetsomewater,”ItoldFoster,pattinghisabsbeforepassinghimforthecounter.
Lylaslidato-gocuptoKadence,whoseeyeswidenedattheheapofwhippedcreamontop.
Kaddieliftedittoherlips,takingasip.Adollopofwhiteclungtohernose.“Yum.Youshoulddefinitelygethotchocolate.”
“Goodsuggestion.”IlaughedasshecarefullycarriedhercuptowardFoster’stable,thenIleanedmyhipagainstthecounter,mysisterdoingthesameonherside.“Hi.”
“Hi,”shesaid.“Heardyoutookherforaride.”
“Yeah.Itwascute.”IsmiledasKadencewenttothetableandFosterwipedhernose.“What’sgoingonheretoday?”
“Notmuch.”Lylasighed.“I’mabouttoheadout.IwasactuallythinkingofaskingJaspertodinner.”
“What?”Istoodtaller,leaningintolowermyvoice.“Really?”
“Idon’tknow.”Shegavemeanexaggeratedsmile.“He’shot.Andsortofgrumpyandbrooding.”
“Justyourtype.”
“Exactly.Butwoulditbeweird?”
“Whywoulditbeweird?”
“He’sFoster’sbestfriend.”
“So?”
“So…”Shesuckedinadeepbreath.“WhatifwegotodinnerandthenwestartdatinganditgoesgreatforawhilebutthenitstartstofallapartuntilwefinallydecidetocallitquitsbutI’mstillinlovewithhimbuthe’snotinlovewithmeandit’snotlikeyoucanhatehimbecausehe’syourfiancé’sbestfriendsoit’sawkward.”
“Whoa.”Iheldupmyhands.“You’vethoughtwaytoofarahead.”
“Ireallylikehim.Likealot.YouandFosterdisappearedtoyourhotelroomafterthefight,butthatnight…weallwentoutandhadablast.”
“Didsomethinghappen?”Thiswasnewstome.Granted,I’dbeenprettyconsumedwithFoster,soIhadn’tasked.AndLylaandEloisehadleftthenextdaybecausebothhadneededtoflyhomeforwork.
LylaopenedhermouthtoanswerbutthenthebellabovethedoorjingledandwebothturnedasViviennewalkedinside.
“Holdthatthought.”IheldupafingerandreturnedtothetablewhereVivibenttokissKadence’shair.
“Howwasyourday?”VivienneaskedKadence.
“Sogood,Mommy.We’regoingtogoridingagaintomorrow.”
“That’sgreat.”Viviennesmiledather,thenlookedtome.“Thanksfortakingher.”
“Mypleasure.”
VivienneglancedatFosterbuthedidn’tgivehermuch.“Hey,Foster.”
“Hi.”
Shewaitedforeyecontactorasmileoranything,butthatwasit.That’showithadbeenbetweenthemforthepastmonth.“So,I,um…Iguesswe’lljustseeyouguysinthemorning.”
“Yep.”Henodded.“Bringheroverwhenever.”
KadencewasstayingatVivienne’shousetonight.Therewasnoroutineorstructuretotheircustodyarrangement.Forthemostpart,Kadencespentonedaywithhermotherandonedaywithus.Itwasworkingfornow,soFosterandViviennehadn’tpushedtomakechanges.
Ifthereneededtobeasetschedule,we’ddiscussitwhenthattimecame.
MyheartpinchedasViviennelookedatFoster.Guiltwasetchedonherface.Itwashowshe’dlookedatmesincecomingtoQuincy.Itwasodd,beinghersupporternow.
She’dstartedcallingmemoretodiscussKadence’sschedule,eventhoughFosterwasn’tworking.ButIunderstood.Shedidn’tgettheangerfromme.AndFoster,well…hewasn’treadytoletitgo.
Notyet.
AllIcaredaboutwasthatViviennewasherebecauseitmadeKadencehappy.Dexwashistory,andwhenI’daskedifshe’dheardfromhim,she’dtoldmenowithtearsinhereyes.ButVivienneknewitwasforthebest.She’dwalkedawaywithoutregret.
Justabrokenheart.
SinceFosterhadretired,theonlypeoplewhocontactedusfromLasVegaswerehisparents.Theywereplanningtovisitthissummer.
“Okay,babygirl.”Vivienneheldoutherhand.“Shouldwego?”
“Letmegetalid.”IwalkedtothecounterwhereLylahadoneready.
Atimerdingedandshenoddedtowardtheback.“Ineedtogetthat.Willyouhollerifsomeoneelsecomesin?”
“Sure.”ItookthelidtoViviennesoshecouldputitonKadence’scup,thenafterFosterkissedhisdaughteronthecheek,wewatchedastheyleft.
“Areyougoingtobepissedatherforever?”Jasperaskedasthedoorclosedbehindthem.
“No.”Fosterdraggedahandthroughhishair.“Timetoletitgo,isn’tit?”
Itooktheemptyseatbesidehis,thenheldoutmyhand.
Hetookmine,hisfingertouchingmyengagementringashehummed.Timetoletitgo.
“Sinceyou’rebothhere.I,um,needtotalktoyouaboutsomething.”JasperglancedpastFoster,towhereLylahadbeenstanding.Thenhesatstraighter,takingapauselikehewasthinkingcarefullyabouthiswords.“I,uh,well…Ifuckedup.”
“Whathappened?”Fosterasked.
Pleasebenothingbad.Ithadbeenamonthofbliss.Iwasn’treadyformoredrama.
“Isortof…I,um…fuck.”Jasperrubbedhisjaw.Thenheclosedhiseyesandblurted,“Imarriedyoursister.”
“What?”Myjawdropped.“YoumarriedLyla?”
“Uh,notexactly.”
AnotherjinglesoundedfromthedoorbutIdidn’tturn.Iwastoobusystaringattheemptycounter.Howinthehellhadtheygottenmarried?When?Where?Whyhadn’tLylatoldme?We’dbeentalkingabouthimminutesago.Thatwouldhavebeentheperfecttimetotellmeshe’dmarriedJasperVale.
“Oh,uh,hi.”Eloisestoodatmyside.WhenIwhippedaroundtolookup,hercheekswereflushed.
“Hi.”Ishookmyselfoutofmystupor.“Jasperjusttoldusthat—”
“OhmyGod,youtoldthem?”Eloiseshrieked.“Howcouldyoutellthem?Weagreedtokeepthisasecretuntilitwasannulled!”
“Wait.”Fosterleanedforward,pointingbetweenthetwoofthem.“Youtwogotmarried?”
“Noweveryoneisgoingtofindout.Gah!Damnit.I’mneverdrinkingagain.”Eloisespunaroundandjoggedforthedoor.
“Eloise,wait.”Jaspershotoutofhischair,runningtocatchher.
WhichleftFosterandmestaringateachother,dumbfounded.
“Didthatjusthappen?”heasked.
AllIcouldmanagewasanod.
Shit.Myparentsweregoingtofreak.
“DidJasperleave?”Lylaaskedasshecamebacktothecounterwithatowelinherhands.“Damn.IguessI’llhavetoaskhimoutanotherday.”
Icringed.“Lyla,Ithinkyou’dbettersitdown.”
“Well,thatwasinteresting.”Itossedmykeystothecounteraswewalkedinthehouse.ThenIcheckedmyphoneforthetenthtimesinceleavingthecoffeeshop.Eloisestillhadn’ttextedmeback.
Isetmyphoneasideandunzippedmycoat,butbeforeIcouldtakeitoff,Fosterwasthere,plantingakissonmyneckasheeaseditoffmyshoulders.
“Gotacallfromthearchitecttoday,”hesaid.
“OnaSaturday?”
Heshrugged,takingoffhisowncoat.“Guesshewasworkingontheplans.”
“And?”
“ShouldhavethemdoneMonday.Wantedtoseeifwecouldmeetandgooverthemtogether.”
“Icoulddoitovermylunchbreak.”
“I’llfindoutifthatwillwork.”
Athrillofexcitementchasedawaytheuneaseinmystomach.
We’dwastednotimeaftercominghomefromVegastostartplanningourfuture.MyparentshadinsistedonthrowingusanengagementpartyatTheEloisesomoreofourextendedfamilycouldmeetFoster.Thenextmorning,we’dgoneouttotheranchandaskedtobuyachunkoflandoffit.
Ofcoursemyparentshadsaidno—they’dgiftedusfivehundredacresinstead.
We’dhiredalocalarchitecttostartdesigningourdreamhome,andourweddingplanswereinfullswingforthesummer.Knox’swife,Memphis,wasplanningitforus.
ThatwaslifewiththeIronFist,FosterMadden.Fulltilt.
“It’sgreathe’sworkingsoquickly,”Isaid.“Maybeifwe’reluckyandhegetsthedesignfinished,wecangetthebuildertostartearlierthanexpected.Itwouldbesonicetomoveinbeforethebabyisborn.”
“Yeah,that—”Fosterblinked.“Whatdidyoujustsay?”
IsmiledandwalkedtothecoatracktofishouttheplasticsackI’dstashedinapocketthismorning.Moreimportantly,thestickinside.“Ithappenedfasterthanexpected.”
Goodthingwebothlikedfast.
AfterthefightinVegas,I’dstoppedtakingmybirthcontrolpills.FosterhadaskedifIwasready,andI’dassumeditwouldtakeawhile.Butherewewere,onemonthlater,anditwashappening.
Hetookthestick,lookingattheplussigninthetinywindow,thenatme.Backtotheplus,backtome.HeshiftedhisgazesomanytimesIwassurehe’dgivehimselfwhiplash.“You’repregnant.”
“I’mpregnant.”
Heclosedhiseyes,fistingthatbagclose.Thenhewrappedhisarmsaroundme,haulingmeintohischestasheburiedhisfaceinmyhair.“Youwon’tstop,willyou?”
“Won’tstopwhat?”
Heleanedback,framingmyfacewithhishands.“Won’tstopuntileverydreamofminehascometrue.”
Ismiled,leaningintowhisperagainsthislips.“Never.”
WantmoreTaliaandFoster?DownloadaBonusEpilogueHERE
TheEdensseriescontinueswithJasperValeJASPERVALE
EloiseEden’sprideandjoyisherfamily’shotelinQuincy,Montana.HerlifelongdreamistoownTheEloiseInn.Allshehastodoisprovetoherparentsthatshe’stheepitomeofresponsible.Thatherdaysofbeingdupedandmakingrecklessdecisionsarehistory.She’ssocloseshecantasteit.
UntilafteroneweekendinLasVegas,shecomeshomemarriedtoastranger.
Jaspermusthaveputherunderaspellwiththosesoul-deepeyesbecauseafterasinglenighttogether,theywokeuphusbandandwife.Heronlyhopeistokeepthismarriageasecretuntilit’sannulled.Thenshe’llpretenditneverhappened.
ExceptJasperbegshertostaymarried.Tofakeitforthreemonthssoshecanaccompanyhimtoawedding.Maybeshe’slosthermindtoagree.Butherbroodinghusbandseemsdesperate.It’sonlythreemonths,right?Thenshe’llsaygoodbyetoJasperVale,andwithanyluck,hellotohernewhotel.
OrderJasperValeACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ThankyouforreadingGarnetFlats!Hugethankstomyeditingandproofreadingteam:ElizabethNover,JulieDeatonandJudyZweifel.ThankyoutoSarahHansenforthebeautifulcoversforthisseries.ThankyoutoallthemembersofPerry&Nashforbeingsuchanamazinggroupofreaders.Andthankstotheincrediblebloggers,bookstagrammersandbooktokkerswhohelpspreadthewordaboutmystories.Iamsogratefulforyouall!Andlastly,thankyoutomyamazingfamilyandverybestfriends.Iloveyou!ABOUTTHEAUTHOR
DevneyisaUSATodaybestsellingauthorwholivesinWashingtonwithherhusbandandtwosons.BornandraisedinMontana,sheloveswritingbookssetinhertreasuredhomestate.Afterworkinginthetechnologyindustryfornearlyadecade,sheabandonedconferencecallsandprojectschedulestoenjoyaslowerpaceathomewithherfamily.Writingonebook,letalonemany,wasnotsomethingsheeverexpectedtodo.Butnowthatshe’sdiscoveredhertruepassionforwritingromance,shehasnoplanstoeverstop.
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