The Long Game

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Letthosebeautifulfeelingsrainonthem,babe.CHAPTERONE
Adalyn
Theheadrolledoffhisshouldersandhaltedatmyfeetwithathump.
Goosebumpseruptedatthetopofmyspineandspreaddownmybody.
Ishouldhavebeenfamiliarwiththescene.IshouldremembersomethingIhadlivedandwaswatchingonascreen.ButIdidn’t.Sowhensilencefell,plungingtheMiamiFlames’facilitiesintoasuddenvacuum,myheartdroppedtomystomach.Andwhenthevoiceofoneofthecameraguyswascaughtbythemicaskinginawhisper,“Dude,areyourecordingthis?”IwasprettysureIstoppedbreathing.
OhGod.What—
ThetopofPaul’sheadpoppedoutoftheheadlessnecklineofSparkles,themascot’scostume,andawaveofpanicwashedoverme.
Paulblinked,angerandshockmeshinginhisexpressionbeforespittinga“Whatthefuckiswrongwithyou?”
Mylipsparted,asifsomeinstinctualpartofmybrainwantedtoanswerhim.Now.Evenwhenitwouldn’tmakeadifference.“I—”
Theimageonthescreenfroze,forcingmygazeuptothefaceofthemanholdingtheiPadthathadreproducedthethirtysecondsthathadbeenmissingfrommymemory.
“Ithinkwe’veseenenough,”AndrewUnderwood,CEOandmanagingdirectoroftheMiamiFlamesFCandMiami-basedbusinessmogul,stated.
“Ibegtodiffer,”themanbyhissidesaidwithalightchuckle.“Thisisacrisismeetingandweshouldmakesurewehaveallthedetails.”Acrisismeeting?“Infact,”Davidcontinued,“Ithinkweshouldplayitagainfromthebeginning.I’mnotsurewhatAdalynwasgruntingwhiledecapitatingourdearSparkles.Wasitjustangrygrowlingoractualwordsshewas—”
“David,”Andrewinterjected,droppingthedeviceontheunnecessarilylargedeskseparatingthemfromme.“Thisisserious.”
“Itis,”theyoungermanagreed,andIdidn’tneedtolookathimtoknowhewassmirking.Iknewthatsmirk.I’dkissedthatsmirk.Dateditforacompleteyear.Then,workedunderitwhenhe’dbeenhandedthepositionI’ddreamedofmywholelife.“It’snoteverydaywegettheheadofcommunicationsofanMLSclubgunningfortheteam’smascotinsix-inchheels.”Isensed—heard—thatsmilewidening,andIfeltmyfaceturningtostone.“Ashockingturn,surely.Butalso—”
“Unacceptable,”Andrewfinishedforhim.“Everyoneinthisroomknowsthat.”Thosepaleblueeyesmetmine,sharpandunforgiving.Whichwasn’tasurprise.Ialsoknewthatglare.I’denduredTheGlareformostofmylife.Hecontinued,“Adalyn’soutburstwasinexcusable,butyoushouldn’tforgetyourself.Thisismydaughteryou’retalkingabout.”
Iliftedmychin,asifthereminderwasn’tsomethingItriedtoignoreonadailybasis.
AdalynReyes,theoverachievingdaughteroftheCEOofthesoccerfranchiseshe’dbeenworkingforallherlife.
“Iapologizeforthetone,Andrew,”Davidsaid,andevenifhistonehadsobered,Istilldidn’tlookathim.Icouldn’t.Notaftereverythingthathadgonedowninthelasttwenty-fourhours.NotafterwhatI’dlearned.“ButasVPofoperationsoftheFlamesI’mconcernedabouttherepercussionsoftheincident.”
Theincident.
Mylipspressedintoatightline.
Myfatherclickedhistongue,returninghiseyestothedeviceandunlockingitagain.
Hisfingerswipedupanddown,andleftandright,untiladocumentpoppedopen.Evenupsidedown,Iimmediatelyrecognizedwhathewaslookingat.ItwasthetemplateI’ddesignedforthepressandmediareports.Theonethateveryoneusednow.I’dcreatedthecolor-codedsystemforpriorityitemsthatwascurrentlymakingthescreenshinewithbrightred.
Red,asintoppriority.Red,asincrisis.
Wehadn’thadoneinmonths.Years.
“Ihaven’tapprovedthat,”Imuttered,hearingmyvoiceforthefirsttimesincemyfatherhadhitplayonthevideo.Iclearedmythroat.“Everyreportshouldgothroughmebeforereachingmanagement.”
Butmyfatheronlyexhaled,deepandlong,ignoringmeinfavorofscrollingthroughthe—Ileanedforward—fifteen-pagereport.
Myeyeswidened.“CanI—”
“Mediaimpactoftheincident,”hesaidoverme.“Let’sstartwiththat.”
Mylipspoppedopenagain,butDavidmovedcloser,hismaneofdirtyblondhairdistractingme.Hissmirkmetmygaze,andIcouldimmediatelytellheknewsomething.SomethingIdidn’t.
“Viralityrate,”myfathercontinued,tappingthescreenwithhisindexfinger.Mystomachdropped.Virality?Ofwhat?Myfather’seyebrowscrumpled.“Howisanimpressiondifferentfromaview?”
“Whatplatformarewetalkingabout?”Irushedout,squaringmyshoulders.“That’swhyIhavetoapprovethese.Iusuallyaddnotesforyou.IfyouletmehavealookIcan—”
Davidtsked,hisgazedroppingtotheiPadinmyfather’shands.Thenhequipped,“Iguessitdoesn’treallymatter,Andrew.”Hiseyesreturnedtomine.“Thevideohassixmillionviewsacrossallplatforms.Ithinkweallunderstandthat.”
Thevideo.
Sixmillionviews.
Acrossallplatforms.
Mykneeswobbled.Iwobbled.AndIwasn’toneto.
Often,I’dbeentoldIwastooclinical,myhumortoodry,andmysmilestoorare.Myassistant,Kelly,theonlyoneintheFlames’officeswhohasmadetheefforttobefriendme,openlycallsmeanunbotheredqueen.ButIknowmostpeoplehererefertomeasanicequeen,orsnowqueen,orwhatevervariationofthetermthatreferencesbeingcoldandfemale.I’dneverletitbotherme.
BecauseIneverwavered.Orwobbled.Orletthingsaffectme.
Notuntilyesterday,whenI—
Davidletoutachuckle.“You’reofficiallyviral,Ads.”
WhenI’dgunnedfortheteam’smascotinsix-inchheels,asDavidhadputit.
Mylunchcrawledupmyesophagus,partlybecauseofthatAdsI’dalwayshatedsomuchandpartlybecauseI…God.Icouldn’tbelievethis.Iwasviral.Viral.
“Sixmillionviews,”myfathersaidwithashakeofhisheadwhenIdidn’t—couldn’t—speak.“Sixmillionpeoplehaveseenyoubulldozeintothemascot,scratchathisface,andpluckhisgoddamnheadoff.Sixmillion.That’sthepopulationofMiamimetropolitan.”Thetipsofhisearswentred.“Youevenhaveyourownhashtag:#sparklesgate.Andpeopleareusingitnexttotheclub’s.”
“Ididn’tknowitwasallrecorded,”Iallbutmurmured,hatinghowmyvoicesounded.“Icouldn’tknowtherewasavideocirculating,but—”
“There’snobutinthissituation,Adalyn.Youassaultedacolleague.”Thewordassaulthungintheair,andmyjawclampedshut.“PaulisanemployeeandSparklesisanentityofthisteam.Heisaphoenixthatembodiesthefire,immortality,andtransformationoftheMiamiFlames.Yourteam.Andyouattackedhimwhilethepresswasinthehousefortheclub’sanniversary.Journalists.Cameras.Theteamandtheirfamilies.Therewerechildrenwatching,forChrist’ssake.”
Iswallowed,makingsuremyshouldersremainedsquared.Strong.Imagewaseverythinginthesesituations.AndIcouldn’tbreak.Nothere.Notagain.“Iunderstand,Ido.Sparklesisanimportantsymbolandheiswelllovedbythefans.Butthewordassaultseemsanexaggeration.Ididn’tphysicallyharmPaul,I…”
“Youwhat?”myfatherpressed.
Apparently,Ibeheadedasix-foot-twobirdmadeoffoam,polyester,andacrylicfeathersthatgoesbythenameofSparklesandrepresentsimmortality.Accordingtothevideoevidence.
Butsayingthatwouldn’thelp,somymouthhungopenforwhatfeltlikethelongestfivesecondsinhistory,and…Ididn’tsayasinglething.
Myfather’sheadtiltedtotheside.“Please,I’dloveforyoutoexplain.”
Myheartpounded.ButtherewasnothingIcouldsay,notwithoutpromptingaconversationIwasn’treadyorequippedfor.Notrightnow,andpossiblynotever.
“Itwas…”Itrailedoff,oncemorehatingthequalityofmyvoice.“Aforcefulencounter.Anaccident.”
David,whohadbeenuncharacteristicallyquietthelastfewminutes,snorted,andmyface,sooftencalledindifferentandcool,flamed.
MyfatherplacedtheiPadonhisdeskwithasigh.“We’reluckyDavidpersuadedPaulnottopresschargesorsueus.”
Charges.Alawsuit
Ifeltsicktomystomach.
“Iofferedhimaraise,whichheobviouslyaccepted,”Davidadded.“Afterall,thiswassuchanout-of-characteroutburstforourvery…composedAdalyn.”
Thewayhesaidthewordcomposed,asifitwassomethingbad,aflaw,hitmesquareinthechest.
“Weaskedforthetapeoftheevent,”myfathercontinued.“Afteryouallbutfledthe…scene.Butsomeonemusthaverecordedtheincidentwiththeirphone.Davidsuspectsitwasoneoftheinternsthatcameinwiththecameracrew.”
Davidtsked.“Impossibletoknowforsure,though.”
Icouldn’tbelievethiswashappening.God,Icouldn’tbelievewhatIhaddone.
Aforeignandoddsensationpushedatthebackofmyeyes.Itwaslikeaprickofwarmththatmademysight…misty.Wasthis—No.Werethese—No.Itcouldn’tbe.Icouldn’tbeabouttocry.
“It’sjustavideo,”Isaid,butallIcouldthinkaboutwasthatIcouldn’trecallthelasttimeI’dcried.“Itwillblowover.”Thestinginmyeyesincreased.“Ifthere’ssomethingIknowabouttheinternetitisthateverythingisfleetingandshort-lived.”Whycouldn’tIrememberthelasttimeI’dcried?“Noonewillcareaboutittomorrow.”
David’sphonepinged,andheslippeditoutofhispocket.“Oh,”hesaid,lookingatthescreen.“Isomehowdoubtthat.Seemslikewe’regettingmorethanafewpressinquiries.Foryou.”
Thatwasdefinitelyconcerning,butsomethingelseclicked.“Why…”Ifrowned,lookeddownatmyphone.Nothingwasthere.“Thatemailshouldcometome.WhyamInotcc’d?”Davidshruggedandmyfatherexhaledloudlyfromhispost.Again.Iglancedbackathim,andhisexpressionmadesomethinginmeshiftintoaction.“Wecanturnthisaround.”Myvoicesoundeddesperate.“Icanturnthisaround.Iswear.Iwillfindawaytobenefitfromthewaveofextraattention.Eventhehashtag.Weallknowtheteamisnotmakingheadlinesasitis,andwehavebeenstuckatthebottomoftheEasternConferenceforsolongthat…”
Myfather’sfacehardened,hiseyesturninganicyshadeofblue.
Silence,heavyandthick,crystallizedintheroom.
AndIknewthen,inthewayhiseyelashessweptupanddown,thatwhateverbattleI’dbeenfightingwasover.I’dsaidoutloudtheonethingthatmadehisswitchflip.TheMiamiFlameswereinthemud.Wehadn’tgottentotheplayoffsinmorethanadecade.Wewerefarfromfillingupstadiums.ThiswastheoneinvestmentAndrewUnderwoodhadmadethathadn’tturnedaprofit.Theonethathadcosthimmorethanjustmoney.Hispride.
“Ijustmeantthat—”Istarted.
Butmybattlewasnowlost.“?‘MascotSlaughterinMiamiFlames’Home,’?”hereadfromtheiPad.“How’sthatforsomeextraattention?”
Iswallowed.“Ithinktheuseofthewordslaughterisastretch.”
Hegavemeacurtnodbeforecontinuing,“?‘MLSMiamiFlames’AnniversaryEndsinMassacre.’?”
“Massacrealsoseemslikethewrongword.”
Myfather’sindexfingerroseintheair.“?‘Miami’sFavoriteBirdWasPluckedandRoasted.WhoseHeadWillRollNext?’?”Thatfingerreturnedtothescreenandswiped.“?‘SparklesDeservedtoDie.’?”Anotherswipe.“?‘ALoveLettertoLadyBirdinator.’?”
LadyBirdinator.Jesus.
Iscoffed,earningaglancefromasmirkingDavid.“Thosemediaoutletsarejustcashinginforeasyclicks.They’renotmakinganyseriousassessmentsthatshouldconcernusorthefranchise.Myteamwillputtogetherastrategy.We’llsendoutapressrelease.We—”
“?‘DaughterofMiamiFlamesOwner,AndrewUnderwood,andFormerRunwayModel,MaricelaReyes,ontheSpotAfterHorribleIncidentwithTeamMascot.’?”
ThatclammysensationthathadcoveredmyskinsinceI’denteredthisofficeclimbedupmyspine.Arms.Backofmyneck.
Hecontinued,“?‘AdalynReyesUnhinged.WhoIstheHeiresstotheUnderwoodEmpire?’?”Iclosedmyeyes.“?‘MiamiFlamesFCUnderReview.IstheClubFinallyCrumblingDown?’?”Adropofcoldsweattraileddownmyback.“?‘HasDullandBoringFlames’HeadofCommunicationsFinallyFoundSomeFireinHer?FemaleRageExplained.’?”
Dullandboring.
Finallyfoundsomefireinher.
Femalerage.
Itdidn’tmatterhowstraightIheldmyselfinthatmoment,itwasimpossibletoignorehowsmallIfelt.Inadequate.AndwhenIshiftedmyweight,evenmytailoredpantsuitfeltwrong.Looseandpricklyagainstmyskin.LikeIdidn’tbelonginit.
“Well.”Myfather’svoicebroughtmeback.Irefocusedonhim.Hisface.Thehardnessinhiseyes.“I’mgoingtobehonest,thesearealittlewordytobeheadlines,butIguessitdoesn’tmatterwhentheyhitthenailonthehead.”Apause.“Doyoustillthinkthisisattentionwecouldbenefitfrom,Adalyn?”
Ishookmyhead.
ThemanI’dlookeduptoandtriedtoimpresssoexhaustinglyhardthroughoutalltheyearsI’dworkedfortheclubsighed.“Wouldyouatleasttelluswhatintheworldpromptedthis?”heasked,andthequestioncaughtmesooffguard,sounprepared,thatIcouldonlystandthere,gapingathim.
“I…”Icouldn’t.Wouldn’t.
NotwithDavidrightthere.Maybeifhe’daskedmeyesterday,interceptedmeanddemandedananswerrightasIwasfleeingthescene,ashe’dputit.MaybeIwouldhavetoldhimthen.Iclearlyhadn’tbeenmyself.ButIcouldn’tnow.
I’donlyprovethatthoseaccusationswereright.ThatIwasunprofessional.Unqualifiedformyjob,andthejobIaspiredtohaveoneday.HowcouldIbeinchargeofanythingwhenI’dlostitlikethat?
“Sweetheart,”Davidsaid,makingmeturntowardhim.Icouldn’tbelieveI’deverallowedhimtocallmeanythingbutAdalyn.Butatleastnow,Iknewwhyhehadthecouragetostilldoso.“Youlooksopale.Areyoufeelingokay?”
“Yes,”Icroaked,eventhoughIdidn’t.Notbyalongshot.“It’sjustwarminhere.AndI…Ihardlysleptlastnight.”Iclearedmythroat,metmyfather’sgaze,wordstopplingoutofmymouth.“YouknowhowhardI’veworkedandhowdedicatedIamtotheclub.Couldn’tyoujust…”Forgetthis?Takemyside?Noquestionsasked.Bemyfather.
AndrewUnderwoodleanedbackonhischair,theleathercreakingbeneathhim.“Areyouaskingmetotreatyoudifferentlyjustbecauseyou’remydaughter?”
Yes,Iwantedtosay.Justthisonce.Butthepressurebehindmyeyesreturned,distractingme.
“No.”Heslicedtheairinfrontofhimwithhishand.“Ihaveneverdonethatandwillnotstartnow.You’restillanUnderwoodandyou’rebetterthanaskingforspecialtreatmentafterembarrassingmeandthewholeclub.”
Embarrassing.Ihadembarrassedmyself,myfather,andtheclub.
Ihadalwayspridedmyselfonnotlettingmyfather’swordsoractionsasmybossaffectme.Buttheuglytruthwasthattheydid.Thatthis,thisboss-employeerelationshipwastheonlyrelationshipwehad.
ThiswasallIhad.
“Youbreachedthecodeofconduct,”hecontinued.“Thisgrantsmegroundstofireyou.AndImightbedoingyouafavor,allthingsconsidered.”
Iflinched.
Inresponse,AndrewUnderwoodnarrowedhiseyesashelookedatme.Andonlyafterwhatseemedlikeaneternity,heletbothhishandsdroponthedesk.“Idon’tlikethemediarequestsDavid’sbeengettingallday.”Hetiltedhishead.“You’readistraction,soIwantyoutoleaveMiamiwhilewefixthis.”
Davidmutteredsomething,butIcouldn’tbesure.Myfather’swordsechoedinmyhead.
Fixthis.Therewasasolutionthen.
Myfatherstoodupfromhischair.“Yourassistant.What’shername?”
“Kelly,”Davidansweredforme.
“She’lltakeoverallcommunicationsandmediainquiries,”myfathercontinuedwithanod.“Adalynwillbringheruptospeedbeforeleaving.”Hetookasteptotheright,openingadrawerandlookingbackatme.“Getaholdonwhateverisgoingonwithyouandletusdodamagecontroloverhere.”HestucktheiPadinside.“AndI’dratheryounotmentionthistoyourmother.IfshelearnsI’veexiledheronlydaughteruntiltheendoftheseasonIwon’theartheendofit.”
Exiled.
Untiltheendoftheseason.
Thatwas…weeksfromnow.Months.AwayfromtheFlamesandMiami.
Igavehimanod.
“You’llleavetomorrow.Onanassignment.Wehaveaphilanthropicinitiativethatwillrequireyourpresenceandallthatnewfound…passionofyours.”Hepaused.“It’ssomethingI’veactuallybeenthinkingaboutforawhile.SoIguessnowisasgoodatimeasany.”Hewalkedaroundhisdesk.“And,Adalyn?Iexpectyoutotakethisasseriouslyasyourjobhere.Don’tdisappointmeagain.”CHAPTERTWO
Adalyn
“TheGreenWarriors?”
Isighed,eyeingmyphoneonthedashboardofmyrental.
“Areyousurethat’sthenameoftheteam?”Matthew’svoicecamethroughthespeakeragain.“Idon’tthinkI’veeverheardofthem.”Apause.“Holdon,isittheCharlotteWarriors?”
“IthinkIwouldknowifIwasbeingsenttoanMLSteamliketheCharlotteWarriors.”MyshoulderssankasIgrippedthesteeringwheel,butItriedtokeepmytoneascheeryaspossible,whichrightthenamountedtodrained.“It’ssupposedtobeaphilanthropicproject,sothinksmaller.”
“Smaller,okay,”hemurmured,thekeysofhislaptopsoundinginthebackground.“Isn’titalittleoddthatyou’realreadyheadingforthisplaceandyoudon’tevenknowwhatfor?Shouldn’tyoubebriefedforsomethinglikethis?”
“Oddsituationscallforoddsolutions,”Icountered.“ButIwasbriefed.Iwasgivenalocation,acontact,andthenameoftheteam.TheproblemisthatIdidn’thavetimetoresearch.”NotwhenIwasleftwithtwenty-fourhourstogetKellyuptospeedbeforecatchingmyflight.Awaveofexhaustionhitme,makingmesuppressayawn.“Ibarelyhadtimetopack.”Orsleep.“Luckily,Iknowsomeonewho’sgoodatresearchandworkswellonatimecrunchbecausejournalismishisjobandpassion.”
“Careerperks,”mybestfriendmuttered,hisvoicedrippingwithsomethingIdidn’tunderstand.Ifrowned,buthecontinuedbeforeIcouldask.“AndI’llhelpyou,ifyouletmetellyouwhatIreallythinkfirst.”
“Iforgotaboutthatcareerperk,”Ideadpanned.
“WhatIthink,”heannounced,ignoringmycomment,“isthatbanishingyourowndaughteroversuchanidioticthingisoverreacting.”
“Please,”Isaidwithabreath.“Don’tminceyourwords.”
“Iwasmincingmywords.WhatIactuallybelieveisthatyourdadisbeingalittlebitch.”
Thetensionpullingatmyshouldersdoubled.
Matthewhadneverlikedmyfather,justlikemyfatherhadneverlikedhim.Ididn’tblameeitherofthem.Theywereasdifferentas…chalkandcheese.Dayandnight.Waterandoil.JustlikeMatthewandIwere.Themanwasoutspoken,rowdy,andcharming,whereasI—andmyfatherforthatmatter—wasmeasured,critical,andwaytoopragmatictogoaroundlifejokingabouteverythinglikeMatthewdid.Laughsandgigglesdidn’tbringinresults.Notinmyworld,atleast.
Ithadalwaysbeenawonderhowwewereevenfriends.Tome,atleast.Nottomybestfriend.He’dbeenveryclearabouthisintentionssincewefirstcrossedpathsyearsagointhelineatDo?aClarita’sSandwichShop.
He’dtriedtohitonmeandI’dlookedhimupanddownbeforegenuinelyaskinghimifhewashigh.Hisreactionwasraucouslaughter,thenanIlikeyou.You’llkeepmeonmytoes
Wesomehowbecameinseparableafterthatday.
“Myfatherhasapoint,”Itoldhim.“There’samortifyingvideoofmegruntingandgrowlingwhileIriptheheadoffthemascotoftheteamIworkfor.”
“It’sfunny.Andtheworldisviciousrightnow.Peopleareseeingthemselvesinyou.They’rerelatingtothatshowoffemalerage.”Notthefemalerageagain.“Ifanything,it’sempowering.Definitelynotembarrassing.”
Embarrassing.
You’rebetterthanaskingforspecialtreatmentafterembarrassingmeandthewholeclub
Iswallowed,ignoringthewaymystomachdroppedatthememoryofmyfather’swords.“Ithinkyouknowbetterthantotrytosugarcoatthisforme.”
“I’veseenworsethingsonline,Addy.Soyouhadabrawl—”
“Itwasn’tabrawl,”Iinterjected,eyeingthemapsapponmyphonewithafrown.“Anddon’tcallmeAddy,Matty.Youknownicknamesmakemefeellikeachild.”Itdidn’tmatteriftheycamefrommyexormybestfriend.IsimplyhatedbeingcalledanythingbutAdalyn.
“Fine,”herelented,ignoringmytone.“Soitwasn’tabrawl.Youhadanaltercation—”
“Ascuffleatmost.”
“Soyouhadascuffle—atmost—withSparkles,thensomeidiotpostedthecliponsomeappandnowGenZ’sisalloverit,sowhat?Everyonewantstobelikedbyzoomers.It’swherethemoneyis.You’reprobablytheirfavoritemillennial.”
“I’mtechnicallyontheboundary.Soinanycase,I’mazillennial,notamillennial.”Icheckedmyphoneagain,wonderingwhytheroadwasmeanderingandthegreenerythickeningonbothsides.Ihadn’texpectedtoclimbsohigh,either.“Regardless,thevideohadclosetoeightmillionviewsearliertoday.AndwhenIcheckedwithmyassistant,shetoldmethatpapswereattheFlames’facilitiestoday.Paps.LikeI’msome…Idon’tknow,somecelebritywhosesextapeleakedinthemid-2000s.”
“AndlookathowthatturnedoutforKimKardashian.Nowshehasafortune,abrand,aquestionabletrailofexes,andsoonalawdegree.”
“Matthew,”Iwarnedwithanexhale.“I’mnotgoingtodiscusswhyyouthinktheKardashiansarethebestthingtohappentothetwenty-firstcentury—again.NotonlyhaveInointerestinbecomingoneofthem,butyouonlyareobsessedbecausetheyhave…”Itrailedoff.“Youknow,bigbooties.”
“Ialsovaluetheirentrepreneurialabilities,”hecounteredwithatheatricalgasp.“Andbeinganassmanisnotacrime.Anyway,listen.ThepapswereprobablyjusttryingtocatchWilliamsorPerezwalkingintopractice.I’mprettysureyourassistantwasblowingitoutofproportionbecauseDavidtoldherto.He’sbeenyourfather’sminioneversincehewashiredforajobyou’dbeamilliontimesbetterat.Butthat’sAndrewforyou.Alittleb—”
“You’vebeeninChicagofortoolong,”Iinterjected.Andironically,itturnedoutDavidhadneverbeenmyfather’sminion.Instead—Istoppedmyself.“Ican’trememberthelasttimeaFlamesplayergotthatkindofattention.”Iheardthesqueakofleatherandglanceddown.Myfingerswerewhite,grippingthesteeringwheelalittletootight.Ireleasedabreath.“Myfatherisdoingmeafavorbygivingmeachancetofixthis.Awaytoredeemmyself.”
Wewereinsilenceforalongmoment,andwhenMatthewspoke,hisvoicewasserious.Careful.Ididn’tlikeit.“Iknowyouhavenoproblemstandingyourground,but…thiswholethingwithSparklesisnotyou.”Mystomachdropped.“Didsomethinghappen?Somethingthatpushedyouto…this?”
This.ThatoverwhelmingpressurethathadbeenonandoffeversincethosehorriblemomentsbeforeIlaunchedmyselfatSparklesreturnedtomychest.Butonceagain,Ididn’tfeelreadytotalkaboutwhathadprecededmyoutburst.Allkindsofemotionscloggedmyvocalcords.
SecondstickedbyslowlyuntilIclearedmythroat.“IfIhadknownyouweregoingtostartcheckingonmyfeelings,Iwouldhavededicatedthistimetosomethingelse.Likeapodcast.YouknowhowmuchIlovetodrivetoadeepvoicerecountingacomplexandgruesomemurder.”
“I’mbeingserious,”hesaidsoftly.Toosoftly.Somuchthatitmadethatweightinmychestshift.
“Honestly,Matthew,”Itoldhim,mytonecomingoutalittleharshoutofpuresurvival.“Iexpectedyoutohaveshirtswith#sparklesgateor#LadyBirdinatorprintedandinthemailbynow.Thistouchy-feelydisplayisdisappointing.”
Itwasn’t,butIcouldn’tsiftthrougheverythingcurrentlyriotinginsideme.
Thesoundofhimlettingoutalonganddeepexhalecamethroughthespeaker.“Fuck,Addy.”Helaughed,andthistimeIletthatAddyslip.“Now,you’veruinedmysurprise.”
Ifeltmyselfrelax.Onlyslightly.
Becausejustintime,Inoticedtheroadaheadstartingtotwist,juttinginandoutofacopseoftrees.WheretheheckwasI?
“CanwegetbacktothereasonwhyIcalledyou?”Iasked.“Ishouldbecloseenoughtomydestinationnow,andI’dliketoknowwhat’swaitingformewhenIgetthere.”
“Allright,”heagreed,thesoundofthekeysonhislaptopcomingthroughthelineagain.“Sowe’relookingfortheGreenWarriors.”
“Correct.InNorthCarolina.”
Afewsecondswentby,thenhesaid,“Nothing.Notasinglething.Areyousurethat’stherightname?”
OldAdalynwouldsaythatIwas.ButIwasn’t.Thelasttwenty-fourhourshadbeenproofofhowmuchInolongerwasoldAdalyn.“TryGreenOak.Try…”Thiswassupposedtobeaphilanthropicventure,soperhapsIshouldn’texpecttheteamtobemakingheadlines.“Tryrecreational.”
Mylastwordseemedtohanginthereducedspaceinsidethecar,quietexceptforthesoundofthetiresagainsttheunevenpavementunderneath.
WhenhadIenteredadirtroad?AndwhywasMatthewnotspeaking?WasIoutofreception?
Ieyedthescreenofmyphone.Thebarswerethere.“Matthew?”
Agroan.
Ohno.“Whatdidyoufind?”
“You’renotgoingtobehappyaboutthis.”
“Canyoubemorespecific?”
“Haveyoupackedsensiblefootwear?”
“Sensible?Youmeanhouseslippers?”Ifrowned.“Iwillbehereforweeks,soyes.”
“Notslippers.Morelikeboots.”
“Boots?”Irepeated.
“Theoutdoorsykind.Youknow,comfortableandsturdyandnotattachedtoafive-inchheel.”
“Iknowwhatbootsare.”Irolledmyeyes,eventhoughIhadn’tbeenthinkingofthatkind.“I’mgoingtowork,though.I’mnothereforadaytripto…”Ieyedthemapsappagain.“Averylargeridgeofmountains.”Whereintheworldwasthistown?God.Ishouldhavereallydonemyresearchbeforejumpingonthatplane.“IplantodedicateasmuchtimetotheGreenWarriorsasIdidtomyjobfortheFlames.Plus,ontheoffchancethatIhavesomefreetime,whichIwon’t,youknowthatIdon’tengageinactivitiesthatincludetheuseofGore-Texandtheriskoffallingoffacliff.”
“Oh,butyouwill.”
Ifrowned,takingarightonyetanotherdirtroad.“Whatdoesthatmean?”
Theclickofkeys.Anothergroan.
Myearspopped.God,howhighwasI?“Matthew,I’maboutthreesecondsawayfromhanginguponyou.”
“Allright.Whatdoyouwantfirst?Thebadnews?Ortheworsenews?”
“There’snogoodnews?”Iasked,squintingmyeyesandspottingtheintersectionIwasheadedfor.Itooktheturn,theroadchangingtoamountaintrailofsorts.Pebblesstartedjumpingunderthetires,hittingthebottomoftherental.Iheldontothesteeringwheel.Tight.Thiscouldn’tberight.IwasprettysureIshouldn’tbedrivingonaroadlikethisone.Thewholecarwasshaking—vibrating—withthebumpsontheroadthatwasn’treallyaroad.“IthinkI’vemadeamistake.”
“That’swhatI’mtryingtotellyou,”Matthewsaid.AndifIhadreallybeenlistening,Iwouldhaveheardtheurgencyinhisvoice.ButIwastoobusywonderingwhythiswasn’tatown.Iwasenteringapropertytuckedintothethickofthewoods.Thewoods
Matthewcontinuedtalking,hiswordsgettinglostinmyheadasIroundedacabin.Acabin.Anhonest-to-GodcabinwithwoodenbeamsandwindowslookingoutatthemassoftreesI’dleftbehind.
Thiscouldn’tberight.
Forsomeunfathomablereason,onmywayhere,I’dbuiltupthisideainmyhead.Ontheplane,I’dconvincedmyselfthatIwasheadingtoaNorthCarolinacity—maybeasuburb,whichwouldexplainwhyIhadn’theardofit.Thiswasanassignment,afterall.AphilanthropicventureledbyanMLSteam.Itwasaseriousprojectinarealtown.ButIfoundthathardtobelievenow.
Whateverplacethispropertywasattachedtocouldn’tbeacity.Orasuburb.Itdidn’tlookliketherewasalargeenoughtownanywhereclose,either.
Iwassurroundedby…nature.Woodland.Slopescoveredinemeraldgreensandcopperybrowns.I’ddrivendowndirtroadsthathadledmetothekindofpropertyIsawadvertisedasarusticalpineretreat.Therewerebirdschirping.Leavesrustling.Windgusting.Silence.
Ihatedit.
I’dbeentoocareless.Toohasty.IshouldhavecheckedthelocationKellyhadsentmebeforeprogrammingitintothemapsapp.Ishouldhaveresearched.Ishouldhave—
“You’vearrivedatyourdestination,”thefemalevoiceofmymapsappchanted.
Iignoredthecloggingsensationatthebottomofmythroatandroundedthecabinagain,lookingforaplacetopark.Therehadtobeanexplanation.Areason.ProbablyamajortownI’dmissedcomingupashortcutinthemountains.And,hey,atleastthecabinwas…tasteful.Mostpeoplewouldbegladtobegiventheopportunitytoescapetosuchapeacefulplace.Mountain-freshair.Cozysunsetsunderablanket.Aporchfacingthegreenery.
ButIwasn’tmostpeople.
Ihatedthecold.AndIdidn’thavethatstrangeneedtotravelacrossthecountryinsearchoffreshair.IlikedMiami’sair.Thecity.Thecoast.Eventheoverwhelmingheat.MyjobwiththeFlames.Mylife.
Mystomachtwisted,aballofnauseaclimbingup.
ImagesofSparkles’sheaddroppingtothegrassflashedbehindmyeyes.
Breachofcontract.
Femalerage.
Embarrassing.
You’readistraction,soIwantyoutoleaveMiami.
Mypalmsturnedclammyagain,thesteeringwheelfeelingslippery.WasthecarstillmovingorhadIputitinpark?
“Adalyn?”Matthewasked,remindingmehewasstillthere.Hadhebeentalking?“Talktome.”
ButIwastoobusytryingtofocusonwhateverwasgoingoninmybody.Wasthisexhaustion?Dehydration?WhenwasthelasttimeI’dhadwater?WasIPMS-ing?Ishookmyhead.OhGod,wasIlosingitagain?I—
Somethinghitthebumperwithathump.
Islammedonthebrakes,theactionsosudden,sorough,thatmywholebodyshotforward.
Myforeheadbouncedagainstthesteeringwheel.
“Ouch.”Iheardmyselfgroanthroughtheringinginmyears.
“ADALYN?”camefromsomewheretomyright.Matthew’svoice.Itsoundedmufflednow.“JesusChrist,whatjusthappened?”
“Ihitsomething,”Iannounced,astingingsensationburningtherightsideofmyforehead.Witharaggedbreath,Igavemyselfthreeseconds,lettingmyheadrestontheleatherysurfaceofthewheel,beforeIstraightenedupandturnedmyhead,lookingformyphone,whichhadfallenfromthedashboard.
Matthew’svoicereturned.
“Tellmeyou’reokayorIswearI’llcallyourmotherrightfuckingnow—”
“No,”Icroaked.“Please,don’t.NotMaricela.Shecan’tknow.”Iblinked,tryingtoclearthetinyspotspoppingaroundtheedgesofmyfieldofvision.“I’mgood,”Imurmured,spottingsomethingmovingoutsidethecar.Something…thatwasrunning.And…Clucking?“IthinkIjusthitachicken.”
UnintelligibleswearingcamefromthespeakerwhileIreleasedtheseatbeltandpickedthephoneupfromthefloor.Ireturnedtotheuprightpositionand—
Myheadswirled.“Thatwasamistake,”Imurmured.
“That’swhatI’mtryingtotellyou,Adalyn.TheGreenWarriors—”
“IfeellikeIneedtothrowup.”
“Getoutofthatcar,”hesaid.“Now.”
WithanodMatthewcouldn’tsee,Iputthecarinreverse.“ThecarisinthemiddleofthedrivewaysoI’mgoingtoparkandthen—”
“No.”
“Ican’tjustleavethecarhere.”Pebblesjumpedfromunderthetiresasthevehiclestartedtomove.“MaybeIshouldcheckonthechicken,too.”Athoughtformedinthehazinessthatwasmyhead.“OhGod.WhatifIkilledit?”Myeyesdriftedtothedirectionthechickenhadrunoff.Icouldn’tbelievethis.“Anotherstupidbird.”
Myeyelidsflutteredshut.Justforamoment.Itcouldn’thavebeenmorethanananosecond,ashort-livedreprieve,but—
Athumpjoltedme.
Athump.Ihadhitsomething.Again.Somethinglargerthanachicken.Somethinglikea—God,don’tletitbeabear.
Myeyesblinkedopen,panicsurging.
Inthesamebreath,agrowl—abear-likegrowltomyutterdismay—camefromtherearofthecar.Myfootshotforward.Butmyheadwasfuzzyandmybasicreflexesclearlyamiss,becauseinsteadofthebrakes,Imusthavehittheaccelerator.
Andhurledtherentalagainstatree.CHAPTERTHREE
Cameron
Thewomaninsidethecarwasunconscious.
“Hello?”Icalled,squintingmyeyes.Iwastryingtogetalookatherface,butherheadwasagainstthewindowandtheonlythingIcouldseewasatangleof…brownhair.Iknockedonthewindowandrepeated,alittlelouder,“Hello?”
Noreaction.
Christ.Thiswasn’tgood.
Pushingasidethepangoflingeringannoyanceandanger,Iwiggledthedoorhandle,hopingthecarwasunlockedandfeelingimmediatereliefwhenitopenedwithaswiftclick
Reliefthatvanishedthemomentthewomantoppledtothesidelikeadeadweight.
“Fuck,”Imutteredundermybreath,catchinghermidair.
Thishadjustescalatedfrominconvenienttoconcerning.
Withoutlosingmoretime,IsecuredheragainstmychestandpluckedhercompletelyoutofthevehiclesoIcouldplaceherontheground.
Ikneelednexttoher,thatmassofhairstillobscuringherfaceandpushingmetobrushitasidewithmyhand.Asetofpartedlips,abuttonnose,andpalecheekswererevealed.Toopale,Inoticed,mygazeinspectingherforobviousinjuries.Myeyesstoppedatabumponherforehead.Itwasanuglyshadeofredanddidn’talleviateanyofmyconcern.
“Hello?”Icalledathirdtime,notobtaininganyreactionfromher.Ipattedhercheeksoftly.Stillnothing.“Christ.”
Itiltedmyheadbackforasecond,draggingmyhanddownmyfaceanddreadingthereasonablecourseofaction.Icouldn’twrapmyheadaroundthefactshe’dalmostrunmeover.Missingthefuckingbirdthathadbeenroamingthepropertyforweekswasfairenough,butme?Ihadbeenstandingrightbehindthecar.AndIwasn’tasmallbloke.She’doverlookedasix-foot-twomaninbroaddaylight,thenhurledthegoddamncaragainstatree.
“Andnowyou’regoingtomakemecallabloodyambulance,aren’tyou?”Iwhispered,shakingmyheadandpullingmyphoneoutofmypocket.“Ofcourseyouare.”
JustasIwasunlockingit,though,shefinallystirred,recapturingmyattention.
Agroanlefther.
“Comeon,”Imurmured,eagerlywaitingforhertofullyregainconsciousness.
Herheadmovedtotheside,hereyeballsflickeringunderthesoft-lookingskinofhereyelids.
Iexpelledabreath,growingrestless.Oncemore,Ireachedoutwithmyhand.Ineededhertowakeupandbefine.Iwasconcernedaboutthelikelihoodofherhavingaconcussion,sure,butIwasalsoconcernedaboutmyself.AndthelastthingIwantedwashavingtoreportthisandcallintheemergencyservicesor,Godforbid,theauthorities.I’d—
Hereyespoppedopen,bringingmymotiontoasuddenhalt.
Browneyesmetmine.
“Whoareyou?”sherushedoutinastrangledvoice.Hergazedippedtowardmyhand,justasitwasabouttomakecontactwithhershoulder.“Don’ttouchme.”Sheglancedupagain.“Iknowself-defense.”
Ifrowned.
“Icouldtakeyou.”Hervoiceturnedintoawhisper.“Ithink.”
“Youthink?That’snotverythreatening,”Imuttered.Shescowledatmeforaninstant,andthenshifted,wincingwiththemotion.“What’shurting?”Iasked,andwhenshedidn’tmoveorspeak,Istretchedmyhandinherdirectionagain.I’dassessherinjuriesmyselfifIhadto,makesureshewasokay,thendropheroffattheclosesthospitalforacheckup.Shewasn’tmyproblembutI—
Sheswattedatme.
Atmyhand.Onesharpandquickswat.
Iblinked.
“Itoldyounottotouchme.”Thewomanallbutspat.Outragetwistedherexpression.Orperhapsitwasfear.Ifranklycouldn’ttell.Iwasalsotoobaffledtogiveasinglefuck.“So?”sheinsisted.“WhoareyouandwhyamIlyingontheground?”
Icontinuedtostareather,speechless.AndwhenIcouldfinallytalkpastmydisbelief,whatleftmewas,“Youhitmewithyourcar.”
Thewomanfrowned.“Ididnothit—”Shestoppedherself,herjawslowlyfallingopen.“Oh.”Realizationwashedoverherface.“Oh.”
“Yeah.Oh,”Ideadpanned.
“Thegrowl,”shemurmured.“Itwasyou.”
“Ofcourseitwasme,whatdidyouthinkyou’dhit?”
“Idon’tknow.A…bear?”
Mybrowsarched.“Andyoustilldidn’tbrake?”
“Itriedtobrake.”
“Youtriedtobrake,”Irepeated,myeyesflickeringtotheupscaleanddefinitelynot-suitable-for-the-terraincarasitrestedagainstthetrunkofanoaktree.She’dbeenluckyshe’dbeenmovingrelativelyslowlyandbarelymanagedtoscratchthebumperofthecar.I’dbeenlucky,too.
Thewomanremainedsilent,seeminglylostinthoughtandleavingmenochoicebuttowatchherassheprobablyrecalledeverything—atsnail’space,too.Mygazetraileddown,takinginherbutton-downshirt,pencilskirt,andheels.Everythingaboutthiswoman,fromherclothes—designer,nodoubt—toherveryimpracticalvehicle,reekedofentitledbig-citylifeandoverpricedbeveragesshesnappedphotosofonherwaytotheoffice.AllofthethingsI’dintentionallyleftbehind.
Myeyesdartedbacktoherface.Tothespotonherheadthatwasjustasuglyasafewminutesbefore.“Youshouldgetyourheadchecked.I’lldriveyoutotheclosesthosp—”
Shejerkedupward,bringingmywordstoastopwhensheonlymanagedtofallback.
“Absolutelynot.”Iplacedmypalmonherchesttostopherfromanyotherrecklessattempt.Shepushedupwardanditbarelytookanyeffortonmysidetokeepherthere.Youcantakeme,myarse.“You’renotjumblingyourwayintoanotherstupidaccident.”
Herchindipped,hereyesfindingmyhand.Rightaboveherbreasts.Shescowled.“Itoldyounotto—”
“Areyoulost?”Iinterruptedher,undeterredbythemenacingglance.Mytouchwaspurelyclinical.Practical.“Isthatwhyyou’rehere?”
Hereyesnarrowed.“WhywouldIbelost?Iwasparkingmycarwhenyougotintheway—”
“You’reeitherlost,”Iinterjectedagain,“ortrespassing.Haveyourpick.”
Thatseemedtocatchheroffguardbecausesheblinkedafewtimes.Icouldseethewheelsturningbehindhereyes.“OhGod.Areyousomecrazywildernessdwellerwholivesoffscammingbypassersbyjumpinginfrontoftheircars?”Mybrowsfurrowedandsheshookherhead.“Ibetthebeardandtheaccentarefake.”
Itiltedmyhead.Okay,shewaseitheralunaticorhadthebiggestconcussionI’deverencountered.
“Icanpayyou,”sheofferedwithaseriousface.“Iwillifyougoaway.Ican’taffordthedistractionofascammerrightnow.”
Itookinacalmingbreath.“Thatcabinoverthere?”Ipointedbehindmewithmyhead,hearingmyvoiceharden.“Ilivethere.I’mnotadweller,I’mspendingasmallfortunerentingit.IncludingthedrivewaywhereIwasalmostrunoverbyyou,andtheoakyoucrashedagainst.”Theroosterunfortunatelycamewithit.
“What?”shemumbled,hereyebrowsknotting.Shewincedagain.
Myeyesshiftedupward.Tothespotonherforeheadthatwasnowswelling.“Thatneedsice,”Ideclared,pushingthroughmyexasperation.Ireleasedherchestandofferedhermyhand.“Youlikelyneedadoctor,too.Comeon,I’lldriveyou.Doyouthinkyoucanstandupwithout—”
“ButI’mrentingthatcabin,theonerightoverthere.AndIdidnotalmostrunyouoverwithmycar.”
Iassessedherforalongmoment,tryingtodiscernhowdelusional—orconcussed—shewas.Andthen,withoutanywarning,Imoved.“Allright,I’mdonewastingtimenow,”Isaid,myarmsgoingaroundherbackandlegs.“I’mdrivingyoutoanER,hospital,oranywherethat’snothere.”
Ashrillingsoundlefther,piercingmyears.
“JesusChrist—”Icomplained,andshetwistedandturnedinmyarms.“Wouldyou—”Iliftedherup,herelbowhittingmesquareinthemiddleofthechest.“Oi—”Istartedmovinginthedirectionofhercar.Somethingpointyswungatmyjaw.“Wasthatyourknee?”Itswungagain.Itwasherknee.“OhforChrist’ssake,”Imumbled,givingupandsettingthetangleofarmsandlegsontheground.
“ItoldyouIknowself-defense.”Shebristled,passingherpalmsdownthefabricofherskirt.Eveninheels,shebarelyreachedmychin.“Andyou’renottakingmeanywhere.Ifeelokay,Idon’tneedadoctor,andI’mnotlost.”Hershoulderssquared,theimageofsheercomposureifnotfortheemotionswirlingbehindherbrowneyes.“I’verentedthisplaceandI’dliketounpack.Ihaveplacestobeandthingstodo,soyouandyourfakebeardandsillyaccentcanhittheroad.”
Myjawclenched.Iinhaleddeepandlongthroughmynose.Icounteddownfromten.Veryslowly.Ten,nine,eight…
“Well?”shecontinued,hertoneinsisting,infuriating.Five,four,three…“BeingmanhandledandthenscammedisreallythelastthingIneededtoday.”
Iclosedmyeyes,somethingbetweenahuffandachuckleleavingme.
Theabsolutenuttery.
“Whatareyousmirkingat?”
Izeroedbackonher.“Closesthospitalisaboutthirtymileseast,”Isaid,notgivingherachancetobuttintotheconversation.“NowtakeDaddy’scarandgetoffmypropertywithoutkillinganythingoranyoneonyourwayout,yeah?”Thewoman’smouthfellopenwithwhatIwassurewasoutrage.Iturnedaround.“Andputsomegoddamniceonthatbeforeitturnsblueandyouspendafortuneonmakeupcoveringitup,”Iadded,walkingoff.
Iwasbeingacertifiedtwat,butIcouldn’tcarelessaboutsomewoman’sbruisedfeelings.Ihadtriedtohelpher.Shehadrefused.
SonowIwasdonehere.Andhopefully,shewas,too.CHAPTERFOUR
Adalyn
Unbelievable.
Icouldn’tbelievehe’djustsaidthatandwalkedaway.
Rightbacktomycabin.
Withahuff,Istompedbacktothecarandfishedoutmyphone.
Thescreenflashedwithdozensofmessagesandmissedcalls.AllfromMatthew.I—
Shoot.I’dcompletelyforgottenabouthim.
Iscannedthenotifications,findingeverythingfromextremelyconcernedtextstothreatsaboutcallingthefirebrigadeorworse,mymother,ifIdidn’tgiveanysignofbeingalive.Ifiredhimaquicktext.
ADALYN:I’mokay.CallwasdroppedandIwasoutofreception.
Theonlytruthinthatstatementwasaboutthecallbeingdropped.AndMatthewmusthavebeengenuinelyconcernedbecauseinmatterofsecondsIhadananswerfromhim.
MATTHEW:WTFADALYN.YOUHAVEANYIDEAHOWWORRIEDIWAS?
Isighed.Hewasprobablyrighttobealittleupsetbut…
ADALYN:StopworryingaboutmelikeI’msomehelplesschildandtrustme.I’mfine.
Istaredatthescreen,feelinglikeajerkforsnappingatmybestfriend,butIwasstillrattledfromtheencounterwiththat…man.Thethreedotsstartedjumping,butIdidn’twaitaroundtoseewhathewastyping.
ADALYN:I’llcallyoulater—andplease,donotcallMaricela.
Ilockedmyscreenandreleasedalongbreath,allowingmyselfafullminutetoregroup.Myheadwaspoundingbutitwasn’tanythingafewpainkillerscouldn’tfix.Ididn’tneedahospital.Orice.AndIsurelydidnotneedacompletestrangertellingmewhatIdidordidnotneed.
Withanewfoundsurgeofenergy,Igavemyselfashakeandmademywaytothecabin—mycabin,whichhewascurrently,andpossiblyillegally,occupying—asIpulledoutthebookingconfirmationfrommyemail.AfterscrollingdownafewtimesIfoundthemessage.Iclickedonit,scanningthecontents.
There.Thereitwas.Bookingconfirmationnumber.AdalynElisaReyes.Address.LazyElkLodge,GreenOak,NorthCarolina.
LazyElkLodge.God,thatnamepaintedaprettyobviouspicture—ifonewouldactuallychecksuchthingsbeforearrivingattheirdestination,thatwas.
Iclimbedthestepsoftheporchandmadetheefforttopushthatthoughtaside.Beatingmyselfupoveritwouldn’tfixanythingnow.MygazeroamedaroundandnowthatIwasactuallylookingatit,Iunderstoodwhysomeonemightcomehere.Thecabinwasbeautiful—ifyouwereintothatkindofthing.Itwastallenoughtoaccommodatetwostoriesandfloor-to-ceilingglasswindowsoneachsideoftheentrancedoor,providinganelegantyetrusticlookthatperfectlycomplementedthelandscape.
Ireachedthefrontdoor,allowingmyselfonesingleinhaleofairbeforeIrosemyhandtoknock.
Thedoorswungopen,asifhe’dbeenontheothersidewaitingforme.
Thatfacethatwasallhardandsharplinesbeneathashortbutunkemptbeardwasrevealed.GreeneyesIhadn’tnoticedbeingthatgreenmetmine.Theywerestillangry.
Iopenedmymouth,butnowthatIcouldtakeagoodlookathimfromanupright,standingposition,astrangefeelingstruckme.Therewassomethingaboutthisman,abouthisfaceorperhapsthatheadfullofdarkhairormaybeeventhebreadthofhisshoulders,thatwas…familiar?Buthow?Myeyesroamedsomemore,stoppingathismouth.Hislipswerepressedinatightpoutthatalmostrangabellsomewhereinmyhead.Maybeiftheyweren’tobscuredbyallthatfacialhair…
“Thiswasamistake.”Isaw—ratherthanheard—hismouthmovearoundthewords.
Imethisgaze.“Whatdoyoumean?”
Butinsteadofanswering,hestartedclosingthedoor.
Ithrustmyhandandfootforward,placingthembetweendoorandframe.“Wait.”
Tohiscredit,hewaited.Hecouldhaveeasilyoverpoweredmeandshutit.Iwasn’twhatonewouldconsiderasmallwoman,andIwaswearingheels,buthestillmanagedtotoweroverme.Healsolookedlean.Strong.Myeyesbouncedtotheshoulderandarmthatwerevisiblethroughtheslitofthedoor.Asinglewordcametomind:athlete.Irecognizedahigh-performanceathletewhenIsawone.Itwasn’ttherightmoment,butIcontinuedmyinspection,returningtohisface.Myhazybrainwasabouttomaketheconnection.Iknew.
Yes.I’dseenthoseeyesbefore.Thatstubbornsetofdarkeyebrowsthatdippedlow.Thatlongandstraightnose,too.
Hemutteredsomethingunderhisbreath,andIsensedhisgriponthedoorchanging.That’swhenmyeyesdippeddown,landingonhisfingers.Strong,long.Hismiddleoneslightlycrooked.HispinkyworeasignetringwithaC.
AC.Butitcouldn’tbe.It—
Heclearedhisthroat,makingmesnapoutofit.
Iliftedmyphone.“Here’smybooking.Havealookandseeforyourself.Irentedthiscabin.”Ipushedthedeviceintohisface.“LazyElkLodge.”
Hegruntedsomethingunintelligibleandfinallythrewthedooropenagain.
“Listen,”Itoldhim,usingthevoiceIalwaysemployedinpressconferences.Politebutfirm.Straighttothepoint.“Worst-casescenario,thisisanunfortunatecaseofdouble-booking,whichwouldbenoneofourfault.Butifthat’swhathappened,weneedtoclarifythis.”Icheckedonhisexpressionashereluctantlyscannedthescreenofmyphone.“Best-casescenario,you’resimplywrong.InwhichcaseI’llleaveyouafewhourstovacateandbebacklater.Ihavethingstodointown.Noharm,nofoul.”
Asnorttoppledoutofhislips.“That’sanawfullybadapology.”
“I’mnotapologizing,I’mtryingtobecivil.”
“You’realsonotthetenantofLazyElk,”hecountered,makingmyeyesnarrow.“ItsaystherethatyoubookedtheSweetHeavenCottageintheLazyElkLodge.”Hearchedthatpairofangrybrows,daringtolookbored.“Whereverthatis.Now,ifyoudon’tmind,Ihavestufftodobackinmycabin.”
Iretrievedmyphone,zoominginonthedetailsoftheemail.“Thatcan’tberight.”Iscrolleddown.Twolargefingerspoppedintomyfieldofvision,bringingmyattentiontoaline:SweetHeavenCottage,423LazyElkStreet,LazyElkLodge.“Butthatcan’tberight,”Irepeated.“IcircledthepropertywiththecarwhenIgothereandtherewasnothing.”Myeyesscannedeverysinglefootofpropertyaround,searchingalmostdesperatelyatthispoint.“There’snostreet.Andthere’snoothercabin.”
Andtherewasn’t.Notreally.ButIdidnoticesomethingelse.
Totherightoftheporchwewerestandingonwasashed.
Notacabin.DefinitelynotthecabinIwasstayingin,right?
Only,themoreIlookedthemoreimpossibleitwastomissthenumberhangingoffa…timberpolethatbentsidewaysundertheSeptembersun.
Thenumberread:423LAZYELKSTREET
Mystomachdroppedwithdreadand…somethingelse.
Ihadn’tseentheinterior,butIdidn’tneedto.Iwasn’tequippedtostaythere.Thatstrangesensationintensifiedandforthefirsttimeinmylife,Iwantedtothrowinthetowelandrunbackhomewithmytailbetweenmylegs.I’dbeadisappointmentontopofbeinganembarrassment,butthis?AshedinsomeruralareaIwasclearlyunequippedfor?Itwastoomuch.I—
Achucklecamefrombehindme,lowanddeepanddrippingwithsuchcondescensionthatitsnaggedmerightawayfromtheedgeoftheholeI’dbeenreadytojumpin.
Thiswasn’tme.IpromisedmyselfthismorningIwouldn’tbewobblyAdalynanylonger.
“It’llbeperfect,”Iannounced,turningaroundandmeetinghisgaze.Hisgreeneyeswidenedslightly,buthedidn’tcower.Itwasrightthenwhenitfinallyclicked.Iknewwithoutadoubtwhothismanwas.Itwasinthewayhe’dbeenso…conceited.Soself-assured.Thiswasamanusedtowinning.Andhe’djustwon.I’dbeeninthewrong.IsquaredmyshoulderswiththelastounceofdignityIhadleft.“Andrestassured,neighbor,nowthatI’vefoundit,I’llgetoutofyourhairandletyougettothatveryimportantstuffyouhavetodo.”
“I’mnotyourneighbor.”
“Lookstomelikewearesharingtheproperty,though.”Ispreadmyarms.“ThebeautifulandcozyLazyElkLodge,inlovelyGreenOak.”
“You’renotstaying,”hesaidinastrangetone.“Youcan’tpossiblylive”—anodinthedirectionoftheshed—“there.”
Thecornersofmylipsinchedhigheratthewayhewastellingmeandnotasking.“OfcourseIcan.I’vebookeditandhaveveryimportantbusinesstodointown.”
Heletoutabitter,humorlesschuckle.“Darling—”
“Please.”Myexpressionturnedtostone.“Don’tcallmethat.”
Hefrowned,probablybecauseI’daccidentallysaidplease.“Adalyn,”hesaidinthatEnglishaccentI’dbeenwrongtoassumewasfake,makingmynamesoundawayIwasn’tusedto.“AdalynElisaReyes.”
Ididn’tunderstandwhyhe’ddonethat—saidmyfullnamelikethat.Inarrowedmyeyes.“Soyouknowhowtoread,congrats.”
Ratherthanannoyed,heseemedamusedbymyjab.“That’snotacabin,”hecontinued.“It’shardlyacottage.It’sagoddamnshack.”
“Yourpoint?”
Hiseyesgavemeanincredulousonce-over.“Youcan’tpossiblythinkthatyou’llmakeitinthere.Notshort-andcertainlynotlong-term.”Hetiltedhishead.“Infact,Idon’tthinkyou’llmakeitasinglenightthere.”
Hewasn’twrong,Iprobablycouldn’t.ButI’dspenthalfalifetimesurroundedbymenjustlikehim.Competitive,judgmental;Ididn’tliketobeunderestimated.AndI’dalreadylostonebattletohim.
“Iguesswe’llhavetoseeaboutthat.”Iturnedaroundandclimbeddownthesteps.WhenIwasatthebottom,Ilookedathimovermyshoulderandadded,“Neighbor.”
“Whatdoyoumeanit’sallbooked?”
“Therearenohotels,motels,orAirbnbsinGreenOak.There’snootheravailablepropertytorentshort-orlong-term.JusttheLazyElkLodge.Icouldlookinthetownscloseby,butthatmeansyou’llhavetodrivebackandforth.It’salsotheendofthehighseason.There’relotsoftrekkingroutes,waterfalls,lakes,beautiful—”
“Kelly,”Isaid,unconsciouslyusingmyboss’svoice.“I’mnotinterestedinwhattheareaoffers.I’minterestedinfindingsomeotheraccommodation.Anyother.Ican’tstayhere.”
Shehesitated,thensaid,“Define‘can’t.’?”
IappreciatedKelly,Ireallydid.Shealwaysworkedhard,hadinitiative,andneverallowedanyonetowalkoverher,whichwaswhyIhadsnaggedherfromtheticketingdivision,whereherrawpotentialwouldhavebeenwasted.Butsometimesshetestedmypatience.
“Pictureahunter’shut.”Ihumoredher,goingforaclearenoughpictureofwhereIwas.“Rottenandcreakywoodthatbendsunderyourweight,onesinglewindow,thebiggestsetofantlersyou’veeverseenhangingoffonewall.”Izeroedinonthething,goosebumpsrunningdownmyspine.“Andbeforeyouask,no.They’renoteventhecoolkindofantlers.Theyarethekindthatmakeyouthinkofdeathandfleshandbones.”
Sheclickedhertongue.“Butthepictureslookedsocozy.Isn’ttherealittlefireplace?”
Mygazejumpedtotheso-calledfireplace.Itwassomesortofironfurnacethatmadeclankingsounds.“Intheory,yes.Inreality,it’sablackholethatprobablyhostssomethingIdon’twanttostirawake.”
“Youmean,likeaspirit?Or—”
“Kelly,”Isaid,shakingmyhead.“Alivingsomething,possiblywithteethandclaws.”
Shehummed.“Whataboutthebed?”Iglancedatthehorriblepieceoffurniture.Shecontinued,“Itwasso…rusticandlow-keysexy?Likethekindofbedalumberjackwoulddonasty—”
“It’saverydatedfour-posterbed,”Irushedout,myeyelidsflutteringshuttosparemethesightofthatmonstrosity.“AndIam—was—yourboss.Idon’twanttohearaboutyoursexualfantasies.Particularlynotiftheyinvolvelumberjacks,andespeciallynotiftheyinvolvethefour-posterbedI’llhavetosleepintonight.”
“Iguessyou’remoreofabodice-rippergirl,boss.AndIdon’tblameyou.I’mjustalittledarkerthanthat.”Iblinked,atalossforwords.“Maybeit’snotsobad?”sheoffered.“Maybeallyouneedtodoisyassifythecabin.Makeityours.”
Ilookedaround,wonderingifIcouldtakeadvicefromthiswomanwhoclaimedtohaveamigraineateveryminimalinconvenienceandoncesignedoffanemailwith“apologiesforexisting.:)”
No.Iwasn’tKelly.Weweren’tthatfarapartinagebutwewereuniversesaway,andinmyuniverse,yassifyingwasn’tsomethingIcouldorknewhowtodo
“Hey,boss?”Hervoicebroughtmeback.Shehesitated,thensaid,“Ineedtogo.”
IthoughtIcouldhearsomeoneinthebackground.“IsDavidthere?”Irushedout.“Withyou?”
“Er…”
Icouldn’tbelievewhatIwasgoingtosay,butIneededtoescalatethis.Andunfortunately,thatmeanttalkingtomyex.“Passhimthephone.Iwanttospeaktohim.”
Therewassomerustling.ThenKellysaid,“Sorry,butwealreadyhaveanofficepapersupplier.”What?“Wealsoareagainstdeforestation.Infact,youshouldbeashamedofyourself.Paperlessofficesarethefuture,sir.”
“IknowDavidisthere.”
“I’llberightwithyou,David,yes!”sheexclaimed,hervoicepiercingmyear.Thensheaddedinahushedvoice,“Ineedtorun,boss.Remembertostaystrong.”
Staystrong?“Whatdoyou—”
“Bye!”
Andthecallended.
Staystrong.Whatdidthatevenmean?AndwhyhadKellypretendedtotalktosomebodyelse?Somethingwasamiss.Andusually,thatkickedmeintoaction.
Witharenewedsenseofpurpose,Iunlockedmyphoneandstartedsnappingpicturesofthishorrible,tiny,grislyshed-turned-cabinthathadbeendecoratedbyapsychopath.Ineededproofthatthisplacewasn’t…habitable.
Oncedonewiththat,Irolledmysuitcasetothenarrowandslightlycrookedcoffeetablethatsatbetweentheallegedfireplaceandaone-personsetteeIhadnointentionofevergracingwithanyofmybodyparts.
Istartedworkingthezipper,side-eyeingthesettee,thefour-posterbed,and…everything,whenhiswordssmackedrightbackintome.
Idon’tthinkyou’llmakeitasinglenightthere.
Withahuff,Ipulledmysuitcaseopenandlocatedmymakeupbag.Icouldn’tforgetthatIwasonassignmenthere.IstillneededtodriveintotownandfindtheGreenWarriors.Whoknew,maybeI’dmisjudgedthewholesituation.Maybethiswasjusthowrentalsworkedinthearea.Nohotelsormotels,just…this.Cabinfeverwasathing.Infact—
Anoiseoutsidecaughtmyattention.
Istiffened,turnedaroundslowly,walkedtothewindowonmytiptoes,andshovedtheflimsycurtainasidewithafinger.
Atallfigurewascrossingthespacebetweenthecabinswithlong,determinedstrides.
Inarrowedmyeyesathim.
“Lookatyou,”Imurmuredundermybreath.“Struttingoutofyourfancylodginglikeyouowntheplace.”
Which,technically,hekindofdid.Herentedtheplace.Orhalfofit,atleast.Thegood,fancyhalf.
NowthatI’dhadafewminutestomyself,Icouldn’tignorehowbotheredIwas.Itirkedmethathe’dbeenrightandI’dbeeninthewrong.Iwasn’tusedtobeingputinthatpositionandwhenhe’dpointedatSweetHeavenCottage,I’dfelt…stupid.Dumb.Andhisquickjudgmentofmycharacter,evenifprobablydeserved,hadmademefeelevenworse.Hehadhurtmypride,myintelligence,mysenseofdirection,andmyabilitytoread.Perhaps,ifthishadhappenedatanothertime,Iwouldn’thavecared.Butithadhappenedtoday,andIwasn’tusedtorepeatedlyembarrassingmyself.
IcouldstillseepastmypridetoknowIshouldhaveapologized,though.Atleastforaccidentallyhittinghimwiththecar.Ifelthorribleaboutthat.Andyet…ashewalkedthegravelpathcrisscrossingtheproperty,Icouldn’tshakethewayhe’dlookedmeupanddown,skepticalandknowing,asifhecouldseehoweverythingaboutmewasinappropriateandunsuitable.Outofplace.
Iwasoutofplace.
Butsowashe.
WhatwasCameronCaldani—two-timewinnerofIFFHSWorld’sBestGoalkeeper,formerPremierLeaguestarterand,asofthelastfiveyears,MLSstar—doinginGreenOak,NorthCarolina?ThenewsabouthisretirementfromtheL.A.Starshadbeensuddenandrelativelyrecent.Ididn’tkeeptabsoneveryplayerinthecountry,especiallyiftheyplayedintheWesternConference,butitwasmyjobtostayinformed.Icouldn’trecallanyparticularsabouthisretirementbeingsaid.Justthathe’dsurprisedeveryonebyannouncinghe’dhungupthegloves.
Cameronstoppedatthecurveclosesttotheedgeoftreessurroundingtheproperty.Imovedalittleclosertotheglass.Themanwastall,whichwasn’tuncommonforagoalkeeper,butheseemedlargerandwiderinperson.Ourpathshadnevercrossed,whichwasn’tstrange,consideringtheL.A.StarsusuallymadeittotheplayoffswhiletheFlamesneverdid.ButIknewwhathelookedlike.CameronCaldaniwasamanhardtomissoroverlook.Itwasthebeardthathadthrownmeoff.Probablythehittothehead.Thesetting,too.
Onesimplydidn’texpecttofindCameronCaldaniinthemiddleofthewoods.
Matthew—whowasthebiggestsoccernerdI’devermet—wasgoingtolosehismindwhenhelearnedthatCameronCaldaniwasinGreenOak.He’dprobablymakeashrinetothebumperofmycarbecauseithadgrazedCameron’sbody.
WhichwasexactlywhyMatthewcouldneverknow.
ThemanontheothersideofthewindowkneltandpickedsomethingoffthegroundwiththosestrongandslightlycrookedfingersI’dseenupcloseandinspected.Afteramoment,Iwatchedhimsearchthevegetationinfrontofhim.
Hisbaritonevoicerangout.SomethingthatsoundedlikeCruiserorBooster.Apet’sname?Iwaitedwithhim,expectingsomethingtodashoutofthewoods.Adog?WhatkindofpetdidsomeonelikeCameronCaldanihave?Iwassoimmersed,sointrigued,thatwhenheturnedaroundtofacethewindowIwasstandingin,itcaughtmeunprepared.
Greeneyeslandedrightonme.
AndI…Idove.
StraightontothenotexactlysmoothorcleanfloorofSweetHeavenCottage.Ididn’tevenknowwhyIdidthat.Itwasn’tlikeIwasdoinganythingwrong.IwasbeingabsurdconsideringIhadfacedmeetingroomsandpressconferencesmoreintimidatingthanthatman’sgaze.
Withashakeofmyhead,Icountedtothree,liftedmychin,gotupwithasmuchclassasIcouldpossiblymuster,andpeekedoutthewindowagain.
Therewasn’tatraceofCameronCaldani.
Hewasgone,andinhiswakehe’dleftbehindwhathadtobe…feathers.
“OhGod.”Igroaned,anewrushofguiltwashingoverme.
Cameron’spet.Theonehe’dbeencallingforjustnow.Cruiseror…Booster
CoulditbethechickenI’dhitwithmycar?
Myeyelidsflutteredshut.Nowonderhe’dbeenenraged.CHAPTERFIVE
Cameron
Closetoadozensetsofeyesblinkedslowlyatme,asifIwasspeakingalanguagetheydidn’tunderstand.
Ifrowned,wonderinghowinthebloodyhellhadIgottenmyselfintoyetanotherbizarresituationtoday.Onlythistime,Iknewtheanswer.I’dagreedtobehere.Evenifreluctantly.
Theintensityoftheflutteringincreased,remindingmeofoneofthosesillycartoonsIusedtowatchonthetellywhenIwasaboy.
“Whatisallthateyelashflappingabout?”
“Prettypleaaaaaaaase?”eightoutoftheninegirlsinfrontofmechantedinunison.
“Isaidno,”Itoldthem,crossingmyarmsinfrontofmychest.“Now,whoseturnisittofetchtheconesandballs?I’llgetthepracticegoalslateron.”
Theonewiththeasymmetricalpigtailssteppedcloser.“Itwillbejusttheonevideo,Mr.Coach,”María—oneoftheoldestgirlsinthegroupattheageofnine—said.“Youdon’tneedtodoanythingbutstandinfrontofthecamerawithus,andwewon’tevenpostitanywhere.Ipromise.”Sheclaspedherhandsbeneathherchin.“Prettypleaaaase?”sherepeated,stretchingthewordagain.“Mr.Coach?”
NottheMr.Coachbullshitagain.“JustCam.”
“Doesthatmeanyou’lldoit,Mr.Cam?”
Istoppedmyselffromrollingmyeyes.“No.Now—”
“Butyournameisliterallycam.”Shesteppedforward,thewholegroupmovingwithher.“Andwhat’sacamerafor?Videos!”
Istaredblanklyatthekid.Jesus,IreallyneededthatextrashotofcaffeineI’dmissedtoday.“That’snotwhereCamcomesfrom.”
“Wheredoesitcomefromthen?”
“Cameron,”Iansweredwithoutthinkingandimmediatelyregrettedit.“ButyoucancallmeCam.NotCamera,notMr.Coach,andnotMr.Cam.JustCam.”
María’sheadtilted,allthatbarelycontaineddarkhairshiftingwiththemotion.Outofthelot,shewasthesassiest,mostoutspokenkid.Probablytoosmartforherowngood.Sowhenherlipspoppedopen,Ibracedmyself.Luckily,beforeshecouldspeaksomeoneshoutedinthedistance.
Weallturnedtowardthevoice,spottingakidrunningtowardus.
Chelsea.
Iknewbecauseoutoftheten-playerroster,notonlywassheoneoftheyoungestkidsatageseven,butalsobecauseshewastheonethatinsistedonshowinguptopracticeinagoddamntutu.Shehadtheminmultiplecolors.Thisonewasblue,anditclungtoherwaistoverhershorts.
Christ.ThatwaswhyIinsistedonthemnotcallingmeanythingbutCam.Expressly,notcoach.Iwascoachingthem,butIwasn’ttheircoach.Icouldn’tbe
“Sorry,”Chelseasaidwhenshereachedus,breathlesslydoublingdown.“Myballetclassranalittlelate,andmymomthoughtmydadwaspickingmeup.Butmydadthoughtmymomwas.SomymomhadtocallmydadtodrivemeallthewayfromFairhill.”Herchestheaved.“WhatdidImiss?”
“Mr.Cameradoesn’twanttorecordavideowithus,”Maríasaid.“Andhedoesn’tevenneedtodance.”
Chelseapoppedapieceofchewinggumintohermouth.“Why?”
“Nogumduringpractice,”Iremindedher.“Andcanthetutugo?”
“She’schannelingherinnerBlackSwan,”MaríaansweredforChelsea.“Right,Chels?”
Chelseareluctantlytookthegumoutwithherfingers,tuckeditinthepocketofhershortsandgaveanod.“That’sright,Mr.Cam.”
Iblinkedatthem.Iwassurethatmoviehadcomeoutbeforeanyofthemwereborn.“Aren’tyoutooyoungtowatchthatmovie?”
Maríashrugged.“Mybrotherwaswatchingitlastweek.Ionlyhadapeek,Mr.Cam.”
Ieyedthebluething.“Wouldn’tthetutuneedtobeblack,too?”Anothershrug.Isuppressedasigh.“Andforthelasttime,justCamisfine.”
“Youaregrumpytoday,Mr.C,”Maríamuttered,bracingherhandsonherhips.“So…IsCameronyourfirstnameoryourlastname?Doyouhaveamiddlename,too?”
“Nomiddlename.Nolastname.Andnow”—Ipointedatthegirlsclosesttothesupplyshed—“canyoupleasefetchconesandballsfromthesupplyroom?We’relosingprecioustime.”
FourofthekidstrottedawayandwhenIreturnedmyeyestoMaría,herexpressionwasskeptical.“Soyou’relikeZendaya?”
“No,”Ianswered.“I’mnotazendoya,whateverthatis.I’mCam.Nowlet’sall—”
“Oh.My.God,”Maríasaidverytheatrically.“Hedoesn’tknowwhoZendayais.”
“Howoldareyou,CoachCam?”Chelseaasked,walkingaroundmeveryslowly,asifshewasinspectingmeinanewlight.Onlywhenshemadeitbacktothefront,shesaid,“Youlookyoungerthanmygranddaddy.Hewearssuspendersunderhisshirt.Momsaysit’sweird,butIthinkit’sfunny.Doyouhavegrandchildren?”
“Yeah,when’syourbirthday,Mr.Cam?”Maríaquipped.“Oh,ifyoutellme,Icouldlookforyourastralchart!”Sheproducedaphonefromsomecordshehadbeenhidingunderhershirtandstartedtappingatthescreen.“Ineeddate,time,andexactplaceofbirth.”
Ibroughtmyhandtothebridgeofmynose,thestartofaheadachepoundingatmytemples.
“HowolddoyouthinkCoachis?”IheardMaríaposetothegroup.“Eighteenfifty?Or,like,older?”
“María,”anewvoicehuffed—Juniper,shorthair,quiet,alwayslistenedwhenIbarkedoutinstructions.“Don’tberidiculous,hecan’tbeoverahundredyearsold.He’dhavetobe…like,avampire.Oratleastsomeonewho’sbeeninjectedwithasuperpowersyrupandthenfrozenfordecadesbeforebeingbroughtbacktolifetosavehumanity.”
Andmuchtomyutterandcompletedismay,thatcommentignitedaverypassionatedebateaboutsparklyparanormalcreaturesand…superheroesIdidn’tknowshiteabout.
SoIstoodthere,wonderinghowadvancedkidswerethesedayswhiletheheadachesettledin.Jesus.Iwas—hadbeen—abloodyfootballer.Asmall-townkiddieteamwasn’tmyplace.Icouldbarelygetthemtorunaproperdrill.IwashereonlybecauseIhadpromisedJosephine,andshe’dcaughtmeatalowmoment.I’dhadplentyofthoselately.IjustwishedI’dhadagoddamncoffeebeforepractice.Withthatmaniacwhoclaimedtobemovinginnextdoordisruptingmyroutine,Ihadn’thadtimetograboneonmywayout.
Iclosedmyeyes,unsuccessfullytryingtodrownthegrowingchatter,andcounteddownfromtenforthesecondtimetoday.Then,Ibroughtmyfingerstomymouthandwhistled.
Theprattlingcametoanabruptstop.
Theyallturnedtowardme.
“Juniper,”Isaid,pointingattheshort-hairedgirl.
Hereyesgrewwide.“Ihaven’tsaidanything.Ican’tgetintroublefornotsayinganything.”
Iclenchedmyjaw,wonderingifI’dbeentooharsh.Itriedtosoftenmyexpressionandtone.“Comehere,please.Atthefrontofthegroup.”
Juniperlookedasskepticalasshewasflusteredatmyrequest.
Maríabravedaquestion.“Doesthismeanyou’regoingtotellusyourzodiacsign?”
“Howcouldthis—”Istoppedmyself.“No.ItmeansthatI’mgoingtofetchJosephine.AnduntilI’mback,nobodywillleavethisfieldandJuniperwillbeincharge.”
Juniperimmediatelycomplained,“ButI’mnineyearsold.Ican’tbeincharge.”
“NeithercanI,kid,”Imuttered.AndIapparentlylookedoldenoughtobelongtoadifferentcentury.
ButIcouldn’tdothistoday,notwithoutcaffeine.Itwasmyoneindulgenceinlife.Myoneviceafteralifeofdisciplineandstrictregime.Josephinewasthesoleproviderintown,andIknewshewasaroundthepracticefacilitiesbecauseshe’dmentionedsomethingaboutsomevisitorcomingin.I’dbegherforacoffeeifIhadto.
“Butweshouldbeatpractice,”Junipercountered.“AndI’veneverledapracticebefore.”
Iturnedaround,brokeintoajog,andshoutedovermyshoulder,“Thentrytoimprovise.I’llberightback.”
Outofthecornerofmyeye,IsawJuniperthrowherhandsupintheair,hergestureofdespairturningintoa…jumpingjack.
“Jesus,”Imuttered,watchinghalfofthegirlsimitatingher.“That—”
ThewordsdiedattheendofmytongueasIcollidedagainstsomething.
Someone.Someonesoftandwarm.Myarmsreachedaroundwhoeverwasplasteredagainstmyfrontandmygazedippeddown.Amassoflightbrownstrandswaslodgedonmyrightpec.
Westeppedbackfromeachotheratthesametime,recognitionhittingmethemomentapairofbigbrowneyesmetmine.
“You,”Adalynseethed.
“You,”Igruntedback.
“Well,ifthat’snotthemostadorablemeet-cute,”Josephinesaid.Herhandfellonmyarminafriendlypat.“Cam,thisrighthereismynewestfriendandGreenOakresident,Adalyn.She’s—”
“Iknowwhosheis,”Ideadpanned.
Adalyn’seyesnarrowed.
Josephineletoutachuckle.“Oh,well.Ididn’trealizeyoutwohadmet.”Outofthecornerofmyeye,IsawhermovingclosertoAdalyn.“Sowhereareyoustaying,Ada?CanIcallyouAda?YouwereabouttotellmebeforeCamallbutplowedintoyou.”
“I…”Adalyn’sthroatworked,astrangeemotionflashingthroughherface.“I’dratheryoucalledmeAdalyn.AndI’mstayingattheSweetHeavenCottage.”Sherecoveredfromwhateverthathadbeen,pinningmewithaglance.“ForhoweverlongIwant.Becausethat’ssomethingIcanabsolutelydo.”
Igaveheranunimpressedlook.
“Sothat’swhyyouknoweachother!”Josephinesquealed.“Youtwoareneighbors.Howwonderfulisthat,huh?”
“It’sjustmarvelous,”Imuttered.
Josephinenodded.“Oh,itreallyis.Yougettosharethelodgeandworktogetherwiththeteam.Yay!”
BothAdalyn’sandmyheadwhirledinJosephine’sdirection.
Thewomanheldherhandsintheair.“OhLord,whyareyoutwolookingatmelikeIjustkickedapuppy?”Noonespoke.Josieclickedhertongue.“Allright,Iseethere’ssomeunattended…tensionhere.Solet’staketurns.”Aneasysmilepartedherface.“Adalyn,yougofirst.”
“MissMoore,”Adalynstarted.
ButJosieletoutalaugh.“Ohdear,please,there’snoneedforsuchformalities.IknowIintroducedmyselfasthemayor,butit’savolunteerroleinaplacethissmall.”Sheloweredhervoice,“Plus,I’mnoteventhirtyandformalitiesmakemefeelancient.”IwatchedAdalynblinkattheotherwoman,beforeshepressedwithanotherbrightsmile.“So?Youweresaying.”
“Yes,um,”AdalynhesitatedbeforeshovingmeasidewithonearmandsteppingclosertoJosephine.Iscowledatherprofile.“Therehastobeamistakeofsomekind.Wearenotworkingtogetherwiththeteam.Hecan’tbeinvolvedwiththeGreenWarriors,becauseifhewas,Iwouldknowaboutit.”
Nowthatcaughtmyattention.
Josephinetiltedherheadinconfusion.“Butheis.Cam…”Josephinetrailedoffforaninstant.“CamistheGreenWarriors’coach.”
Mymouthopenedtocorrecther—Iwasonlydoingherafavorbytemporarilyfillinginascoach—butAdalyn’sreactionsidetrackedme.
Hercheeksflamedadeepshadeofpink,andherlipsparted.
Wideandpanickedbrowneyesturnedtome,andthenshesaid,“He’sfiredthen.Effectiveimmediately.”CHAPTERSIX
Adalyn
CameronCaldani,goalkeepingprodigyandPremierLeaguelegend,staredatme.
“That’sright,”Imumbled,butitwasn’tright.Ididn’tknowwhatwascomingoutofmymouth.“Thisismyfirstdecisionas…generalmanageroftheGreenWarriors.”OhGod.DidIevenhaveatitle?“Andasthenewpersoninchargeofsupervisingtheteam’sactivitiesandmakingsuretheyliveuptotheirfullpotential,I’mdecidingthatwedon’tneedhim.Therefore,heisfired.”Myvoicecracked,andforsomereasonIadded,“Goodday.”
Josiefellsilent.
Cameronblinkedunbelievablyslowly,hislipstwitchinginawayIcouldn’tinterpret.
Andashewatchedme,Iknewthatifhemockedmerightnow,ifhesaidsomethingaboutmydaddy,orwhetherIwaslost,orhowIdidn’tbelonghereandcouldn’tmakeitasinglenight,chanceswereI’dcrumbledownandcry.Orworse.GodknewthatIwasunpredictablethesedays.
Sowhenhislipscametoastop,givingshapetoapoutIdidn’tunderstand,Iheldmybreath.“You’regoingtodowhatnow?”hesaid.
Okay.
Icouldworkwiththat.Withhostility.Cynicism.Evencondescension.Iwasusedtothose.
“I’mnotgoingtodoanything,”Itoldhim,myvoicegainingstrength.“BecauseIalreadydid.Youaredismissedfromyourcoachingduties.”
Josieseemedtopartiallyrecoverbecausesheletoutanawkwardsnicker.“Ithinkthe…funandfriendlybanterisunnecessarilyescalating.HowaboutweletCamreturntopracticeanddiscussthislateroverasliceofredvelvetcake?It’sJosie’sJoint’sspecialtoday,andcakeisonthehousefornewcomers.”
“There’snoneedtodiscussanything,”Ianswered,myeyesonCameron,whohadtiltedhisheadtoonesideandwasinspectingmeinastrangeway.“Whohiredhim?”Somethingoccurredtome.“Didmyfathersendhimhere,too?”
CameronCaldani’seyesnarrowed,thegreendarkeningwithanewemotionIdidn’trecognize.WhywasthismanawalkingriddleIcouldn’tdecipher?Ididn’tlikethat.
“I…did.”Josiehesitated.“Well,Iwouldn’tusethewordhire,ashe’snotbeingpaidadime.Abetterwordis…recruited.Yes,IrecruitedCam.”
“Youvolunteeredme,”hecounteredinabittertone.
Josielaughed,alittlemorenaturallythistime.“Iknow,Iknow.Butthegirlsneededacoach,andyouneeded,well,youknow.Peaceandquiet.Soitwasperfect,becauseyouwerealreadyhereandcoachingateamlikethisisawalkinthepark.”
“WhatIneediscoffee.”
Iignoredthatbecause…Peaceandquiet?Thegirls?Ateamlikethis?Workingwithafemaleteamwasachangethatexcitedme,Idecided,butIwasstillmissingsomething.“I…Idon’tunderstand.Canwebacktrackforaninstant?Forgethe’shereandinterruptedus?”
Camerongrunted.
“Iguessthisisasgoodatimeasanytogiveyoutheproperintroductiontotheteam,”Josietoldme.“TheWarriorsofGreenOakis—ormaybewas—aninstitutionaroundhere,”sheexplainedwithaplayfulwink.“Backwhenmymomwasyoung,wehappenedtohavetheonlyfemalesoccerteaminthearea.Atleast,untilmostyoungpeoplestartedfleeingtolargercitiesanditallkindofwent…downhill.Theteameventuallydiedoutandturnedintoagoodmemory.Momisnolongerwithus,butGrandpaMoehasthebeststories.”Shepattedmyshoulderwithasadsmile.“I’llintroduceyoutohim.HerunsCheapMoe’sandOutdoorMoe’s.Andheusedtoownmycafé,too,formerlyknownasMoe’sJoint.He’llloveyou.Anyway,Ibroughttheteambacktolifelastyear.IdecidedtorenameittheGreenWarriorssoit’dbeeasiertoremember.”
ThisexplainedwhyMatthewhadbeenreticenttotellmewhathe’dfoundabouttheteamoverthephone.It…Itwasalotofinformationtochewon.Themayorofthetown,awomanmyownageingreendungareeswithtinydaisiesonthem,hadvolunteeredalotofpersonaldetailsinunderaminute.AndapparentlytheGreenWarriors,formerlyknownastheWarriorsofGreenOak,hadbeenbroughtbacktolifeonlylastyear.“I…IthinkIhaveafewquestions.TopicsI’dliketoclarifyanddiscuss,ASAPifthat’sokay.”
“I’llshowyouthepictures,”sheoffered.“Mymomkeptallofthem.Andletmetellyou,it’sablastfromthepast.”Sheseemedtoremembersomething.“Oh!Ialmostforgotthemostexcitingpart:we’llberepresentingourcountyintheSixHillsLittleLeague!”
Thatmademepause.“Littleleague?”
Anenthusiasticnod.“TheGreenWarriorswerethebestU10teaminthecountylastseason,sowequalifiedfortheSixHills.Yay!”
Allthebloodseemedtoleavemyface.“U10?”IthoughtIwhispered,butmyearswereringing,andIsuddenlyfeltfaint.Josie’ssmilefell.“Whatdoyou…”
Andbeforethequestionfullyleftme,wewerebeingswarmedbykids.Children.Littlegirls.Incolorfulshortsandsneakersandponytailsthatpointedinalldirectionsandatutu,shockinglyenough.Oneofthemheldasoccerballunderherarm.Andallofthemlooked,roughly,undertheageoften.
“Adalyn,”Josie’svoicemadeitthroughthehazeofconfusionanddisbeliefthatwasmyhead.“ItismypleasuretointroduceyoutotheGreenWarriors.”
Iblinkedattheteam.Thekids.Astheyblinkedatmeinreturn.“Butmyfather…”Istarted,butallIcouldcomeupwithwasajumbledmessofquestions.“Myfathernever—Thisisnot—Why—They’rekids?”
Somehow,myeyesendeduponCameron,whowaslookingatmelikeIwassomepuzzlehecouldn’tfigureout.OrasifIwasabouttosproutasecondhead.Iwasn’tsure.Itdidn’tmakesense.Nothingdid.I—
“Juniper,”hecalledforoneofthekids.“CanyoupleasebringanicepackforAdalyn?”
“I’lldoit!”someoneexclaimed,andablurofpigtailsandmessyblackhairpassedrightbyme.
“Thanks,María,”hegrumbledunderhisbreath,eyesstillonme.
Ishouldhaveprobablycomplained.ButIdidn’tthinkIhadtheenergy.AsIstoodinthatspottyfieldofgrass,Ireallywasfeelingatmylowest.I’dthoughtthatassaultingmyteam’smascotinaclearlapseofjudgmenthadbeenrockbottom.Then,whenIfoundouttherewasfootageofitandthecliphadgoneviral,Iwassurethathadbeentherockbottomundertherockbottom.Butthen,I’dbeenbanishedandsentaway,onlytorealizeIwasstuckinsometinyandtackyhuntingcottageinthemiddleofthemountains.AndI’dthought,thisisit.Thisistherealbottom.
I’dbeenwrong.
Thiswas.
TheGreenWarriorswere.Thischildren’steamthatheldthekeytomyredemptionwasmyrealrockbottom.
Thegirlsmovedaroundus,andIwasvaguelyawareofJosieinteractingwiththem.Myeyesblinkedbacktoreality,andIfoundmyselfgapingatCameron.Atallthatdarkhair,theunkemptbeard,thegreeneyesflashingwithsomethingbetweencuriosityand…concern.Hewasevenwearingworkoutclothes.Along-sleevedthermalthatclungtohischestandmadehisshoulderslookevenbroader,andshorts.Nylonshortsthatreachedthemiddleofhisthighs.
“What…”Iheardmyselfmumble.“Whatareyoudoinghere?Whyareyouhere?Itdoesn’tmakesense.”Ialsodidn’tmakesense.ButIwassoconfusedandblindsided,andmybrainseemedsetonfixatingonthefact.“You’reCameronC—”
Josie’spanickedfacematerializedbesideCameron,whowasnowlookingatmewithahostilitythathadn’tbeentherebefore.“Ohno.No,no.”Shechuckled,buttherewastensioninhervoice,nowloweringtoaloudwhisper.“He’sjustCamaroundhere.”
MystilldumbfoundedgazeflickeredinCameron’sdirection,andbeforeIcouldprepare,hewasturningaroundandwalkingaway.
Josiesighed.
AndI…Whathadjusthappened?WhywasCameronleavingsosuddenly?AndwhywasJosieconcealingCameron’sidentity?
Butinsteadofaskinganyofthoseveryvalidquestions,Iwatchedhimstridealongthesidelinesoftheunkeptfacilitiesandasked,“Doeshealwaysstormoutofplaces?”
“Don’tthinktoomuchaboutit,”Josiesaidwithaconvictionthatmademeglanceatherinsurprise.“Cam’sabit…standoffish,butI’mprettysurehe’llbeback.”
“Igenuinelyhopeyou’rewrong,”Iblurtedout,obtainingacuriousglancefromJosie.“Ifiredhimforareason.”Isimplyneededtodecideexactlywhatthatreasonwas.
Shelaughed,asifthat’dbeenajoke.AlthoughperhapsitwasjustthewayJosieoperated.Maybeshewasoneofthosealwaysglass-half-fullpeople.Alwayslaughing.Smiling.Positive.
“It’sforthebest,”Itoldher.“Thedislikeforeachotherismutual.Wedidn’texactlystartoffontherightfootandhe…hasagoodreasontohateme.I—”Ishookmyhead.“Imighthavealmostrunoverhispetthismorning.”Josie’seyeswidened.“Iknow.Ifeelhorrible,butit’snotthateasytospotachickencrossingadriveway.”Neitherwasspottingasix-somethingprosoccerplayer,apparently.
Josiemuffledacacklewithahand,thecornersofhereyeswrinklingwithhumor.“Oh,don’tworryaboutthepoorthing,theyareresilientcreatures.I’msureit’sstillaliveandclucking.Didyouseeitrunning?”Inoddedandshesmiledbeforepointingatmyforehead.“Isthathowyouhurtyourself?Ididn’twanttoberudeandask,butitlooksrecent,andCamaskedoneofthekidsfortheicepack.”Concernenteredherexpression.“Youshouldgetitcheckedout.”
“SoI’vebeentold,”Iwhispered,defeatenteringmyvoice.
“I’lltakeyoutoGrandpaMoewhenwe’redonehere.Heusedtobeaparamedicandstillvolunteersaroundtownsometimes.”
“It’snothing,”Iassuredher,wonderingwhatelsethemandid.“Itbarelyhurts.”
“Iinsist.”
“Okay,”Irelented,returningmygazetothegroupofgirls,nowsittinginthegrassandchatteringbetweenthemselves.Theonewiththetutushotmeanaccusingglance,asifI’djustruinedallthefun,causinganunexpectedpangofguilttosurgeinmystomach.IturnedtoJosie.“Iknowyoumusthavebeenveryexcitedabouttheperspectiveofhavingsomeonelike…Cameroncoachingtheteam,butIcanassureyou:you’llbefinewithouthimnowthatI’mhere.”
Josiesmiled,butitwasshort-lived.“I’dappreciateifyou’dkeepunderwrapswhoCamis.”Herexpressionturnedserious.“Nobodyintownknows.”
“But…”Itrailedoff,thewheelsinmyheadturning.WasCameronCaldani…hiding?WasthatthereasonforhimstayinginaplacelikeGreenOak?Ishookmyhead.“Howisitpossiblethatnoonehasrecognizedhim?”
“Thebeard?”Josieoffered.“Thefactthathedoesn’tplayfootballorbaseballorisn’taninfluencergivingawaycars?”Anothershrug.“You’rethefirst.Andweshouldkeepitthatway.It’simportanttohim,andIwanttorespectthat.”Hermegawattgrinreturned.“Andyouknowhowsmalltownsare,themomentsomeonefindsout,everyoneinGreenOakwillknow,thenthewholecounty,andbeforewecanblink,there’llbejournaliststryingtosnapaphotoofa”—sheliftedherhands—“retiredsoccerstar,feedingthechickens.”
Icouldseehowthatwouldmakegoodnews.CameronCaldanihadnevergainedcelebritystatusintheStates,butIknewwellhowsomethinglikethiscouldbeturnedaround.
“Also,”Josiecontinued,“besidestheVasquezes,Ireallyamtheonlyonewhocaresaboutsocceraroundhere.”Apuffofairleftherlips,fallingquietforamomentuntilshesentmeasecretiveglance.“IwasengagedtosomeoneintheMLSonce.That’showCamandImet.”HerlipspursedwithaflashofemotionIdidn’tcatch.“Hewitnessedthewholethinggoupinflames.”
Iturnedawayslightly,myeyesdriftingtowardthegroupagain.Iwasn’texactlyuncomfortable,butthatwasalotofpersonalinformationJosiekeptvolunteering.AndIwasacompletestranger.
“Oh,don’tworry,honey,”Josiesaid,misinterpretingmysilence.“I’mokaynow.Itwasn’tmyonlyfailedshotatlove,either.Butthat’sastoryforanotherday.”
“I’mgladyou’reokay,”Iventured,rackingmybrainforsomethingsensitiveorfriendlytosay.“I…”God,Iwassobadatthesetypesofinteractions.“Idon’tdateintheMLS,either?”Ioffered,causingJosie’sbrowsarch.“Mostplayersaremoreworkthanthey’reworthand,well,lasttimeIgotinvolvedwithsomeoneremotelyrelatedtotheworld,he—ThisisTMI.I—”
Ablue-and-whiteicepackwasthrustinfrontofme,savingmefrombabblingsomethingI’dregret.
Ilookeddownatthesmallhandsofferingit.“Thanks,”Isaid,snatchingthepadfromthekid’sgraspandplacingitagainstmyforehead.Itimmediatelystung.
“You’rewelcome,”abrown-eyedkidsaidwithatoothysmile.“I’mMaríaVasquez.Whenisyourbirthday?Ineeddate,time,andexactplace.”
IheardJosie’ssnicker.“María,whathavewetalkedaboutgoingaroundaskingpeople’sages?”Shepattedthekidontheshoulder.“ThisisAdalyn,she’scomingfrom…Miami,right?”Igaveheranod.“Andshewillbehelpingwiththeteam.”
“Helpingisasimplification,”Icountered.“Iwill—”
“AreyoutheonewhobootedMr.Cam’sass?”
“María,”Josiewarnedagain.
Sherolledhereyes.“Sorry,ImeantMr.Cam’sbutt.Hecalleditabumtheotherday.Hedoesn’tspeakmuchbutheusesfunnywordssometimes.Ithinkhe’saTaurus.AndIdon’ttrustTaurusmen.Whatzodiacsignareyou,MissAdalyn?”
“Hmm,Virgo?But—”
“Exciting!Areyouournewcoach?”Sheshotalookatme,givingmeaonce-over.Hereyesfoundmyfeet.“Areyougoingtocoachusinthose?”
Iglanceddownatmyheels.“I’mnot—”
“OhmyGod!”shesquealed,theponytailsatopherheadmovingwiththethreewords.“YoulooklikeVanessaHudgensinThePrincessSwitch.Areyoudoingamakeoveroftheteam?”Sheturnedaround.“Guys,comehere!Wehaveanewcoach!”
“I…”Mylipsbobbed.“What?”
Therestofthekidslookedoveratus,butnoneofthemseemedanywherenearasexcitedasMaría.Infact,eveninthedistance,acoupleofthemlooked…alittlescaredofme.Oneofthemevengrumbled,“Shedoesn’tlooklikeaprincess.”
“Can’tCoachCamcontinuetocoachus?”someoneelsesaid.
“I’dratherhaveGrandpaMoe,honestly.Heletsusplaygamesmostofpractice.”
“IalsowantCoachCam.Whydidshescarehimaway?”
Myjawfelltotheflooratthatlastcomment.
Josielinkedherarmwithmine.
“WelcometotheGreenWarriors,Adalyn,”shesaidinacheeryvoicethatdidn’tmatchthetoneofthegirls’debate.“I’llshowyouaroundtownwhenwewrapuppractice.There’snotmuchtoseebesidesafewshopsonMainStreetandtheVasquezfarm,whichisafewmilessouth,butyou’vemadeanimportantacquaintance:me.”Shegrinned.“Andthatpieceofredvelvetisupforgrabsifyouwantit.”
TheconfirmationthatGreenOakwasthatsmallofatownwasn’texactlyuplifting,butJosiewasnice.AndIwasn’tusedtopeoplewelcomingmewithopenarms.AsmuchasI’dledaprivilegedlifewithhundredsofopportunitiesthathadallowedmetopeekintoallkindsofsocialcircles,I’dalwayskepttomyself.Itwasn’teasyformetoclickwithpeople,orperhapsitwasmemakingithard.Eitherway,thetruthwasthat,besidesMatthew,Ididn’thavemanypeopleIconsideredfriends.
SoIwouldn’tturnawayheroffer.Orthecake.Beingfriendswiththemayorwouldcomeinhandy—andIdefinitelyhadmorecurvesthanVanessaHudgens,whichhadalottodowithmysweettooth.
Unfortunately,beforeIcouldevenopenmymouthtoaccept,oneofthekidsplayingwithherphonegaspedloudly,drawingourattention.
“Isn’tthisMissAdalyn!?”sheallbutyelled,pointingatthedevice.Allthegirlsdrewcloser.Myhearttrippedandmyeyeswidenedinalarm.Josiefrownedinconfusion.“Holycow.”Thekid’sjawdroppedinshock.“Whyisshebeatingthecrapoutofagiantbird?”
Well,somuchforthatrespite.
IwasonmywaytobedwhenmyphonepingedwithMatthew’smessageringtone.
Beforethesillyfive-secondtunehe’dsetforhimselflasttimewe’dseeneachotherwasup,myphonewasinmyhand.
MATTHEW:Haveyoucheckedsocialssincewetalked?Oratall?
Isatontheedgeofthehorrendous,andIfearedinfested,mattress,staringatthescreenforafewseconds.We’dtalkedonthephoneacoupleofhoursearlier,whileIwasdrivingbacktoLazyElkfromJosie’sJoint.It’dbeenashortcallwhereI’dbroughtMatthewuptodate—Ihadcake,possiblymadeafriend,GrandpaMoeisacharmingoldman,GreenOakisunbelievablysmall,there’relotsofoutdoorsythings,myphilanthropicventureisachildren’steam,theyalreadyknowaboutSparkles,oneofthemwearsatutu.AndtothatMatthewhadsaid,Itoldyouso.OranextendedversionofthosefourwordsthatencouragedmetopackmythingsandgobacktoMiami.I’dhunguponhim.
ADALYN:Ihaven’tbeenonlinesincetheairport.Muchtodoandreceptionisspotty.
Thethreedotsjumpedonthescreenforthelongestofmoments,makingmeshiftinplaceandrubbingthewornfabricofthecomforteragainstmybarelegs.Unfortunately,I’donlypackedamatchingsetofsilksleepingshortsandatanktop—whichwaswhatIalwayssleptinandyetanotherwayinwhichI’dbeenuncharacteristicallycareless.HadIdonetheproperresearchandknownmyrentalwasgoingtobecoveredinthingslikeantlers,dust,andcoarseflannelcomforters,Iwouldhaveorderedthethickest,longestpajamasIcouldfind.
MATTHEW:JustkeepinmindthatIamsendingyouthisbecauseIknowyouwouldhatenotknowingaboutit.
Thatmademystomachdrop.Hewasashoot-first-and-think-latertexter.
ADALYN:Whyareyouwarningme?Justsendmethelink.
MATTHEW:BeforeIsendittoyouIwantyoutopromisemethatyouwillcallmethemomentyoustartspiraling.
ADALYN:Idon’tspiral.
MATTHEW:Callitwhatyouwant.
ADALYN:LINK.
Astrange,scratchynoisemademelookupfrommyphone.Iinspectedthebarelylitcabin,wonderingifontopofeverythingelse,Ialsohadtodealwithsome…wildanimalsneakingin.
Alinkpoppedonthescreen.
IclickedandwasimmediatelyredirectedtoTikTok.Theclipthatstartedwasfamiliar.Iwaswearingmyburgundypantsuitnowpackedinthesuitcaseunderthehorriblylargeantlershangingonthewall,andmyLouboutinheels.Thememorymighthavebeenblockedorburiedsomewhereinmyhead,butIrecognizedtheclipthathadflippedmylifeupsidedown.Iknewwhatcamenext.Iwasaboutto—
Atechnobeatstartedplaying.Althoughitwasn’tabeat.Notreally.ItwastheripofthepolyesterofSparkles’scostumethatwasbeingrepeated—looped—tocreateabeat.Withhorror,Iheardmoresoundsbeingaddedtothemix.Mygrunts.Growls.SquawkysoundsthathadleftmeandIcouldn’trecall.Paul’s“Whatthefuck.”Allofit.Anditwas…
“Horrible,”Iheardmyselfwhisper.
Appalling.Really.
BecauseIwasaremixnow.Asong.
MyeyesclosedasIremainedthere,thethirty-secondtechnomixechoingaroundthecabininaloop.Ifeltaburstofpressureclimbingupmysternum,andanoisethatsoundedalotlikeasobleftmymouth.ButIknewitwasn’tonebecauseIdidn’tcry.Iwouldn’t.Orcouldn’t.Somyeyesremaineddry.
IremindedmyselfIwasanunbotheredqueen.Aqueenofice.
Then,Iswalloweditallup,shookmyhead,pushedthatpressuredown,asdeepandfarasitwouldgo,andreturnedtomymessagingapp.
ADALYN:Impressive.
MatthewsentoneofthosegifsIdidn’tunderstand.ButIdidn’taskthistime.Iwasonamission.Thiswasn’timportant,andIwasbrushingitoff.
ADALYN:Sopeopleareinneedofmoreproductivethingstodowiththeirfreetime.What’snew?
MATTHEW:…
MATTHEW:Youokay?
ADALYN:I’mnotspiraling,ifthat’swhatyou’reasking.
MATTHEW:Yousure?Thisisalot.Itwouldbeokayifyouwere…Idon’tknow.Runningnakedintothewoodsscreamingbloodymurderjustoutofpurefrustrationorsomething.
Irolledmyeyes.
ADALYN:That’sveryspecific.
ADALYN:Isthathowyoupicturesomeonespiraling?Inthenude?
MATTHEW:Ipictureeveryonenaked.Evenyou.I’masimplemanwithasimpleenoughimagination.It’sOccam’srazortheory.
ADALYN:That’snotwhatOccam’srazormeans.
MATTHEW:YouknowwhatImean.
Iactuallydid.
ADALYN:Well,I’mnotspiraling.Ornaked.
MATTHEW:Okay.Ibelieveyou.But…callmeifyouneedme,yeah?
ADALYN:Sure.Goodnight.
MATTHEW:…You’resuchabadliar.Night,Addy.
Yes.Iwaslyingaboutboththings.
Withasigh,Ilockedmyphoneandpluggeditintomycharger.Irolledonthebed,incapableofshakingthatstrangepressureoff.AsmuchasItriedmyhardestnottogiveitanyimportance,learningoftheremixhadaffectedme.Theclipwasstillgettingattention.Iwasstillviral.Iwas#LadyBirdinator,forcryingoutloud.Andthegirls—thekidsoftheteamIwassupposedtomanageandusetocreateasuccessstorythatwouldredeemmeandbuymeaticketbacktoMiami—hadalreadyfoundoutaboutit.Josiehadlaugheditoff,evenboughtmyexplanationaboutitbeinganaccident.Butitwasamatteroftimebeforethewholetownknewandsawthatvideo.
Averyspecificsetofgreeneyespoppedintomymind.Idon’tthinkyou’llmakeitasinglenightthere.
Ishookmyself,asifthatwouldhelpshovethatman’sfaceoutofmyhead.IneededtorelaxifIeverwantedtogetanysleep,andCameronCaldanihadtheoppositeeffect.SoIfocusedonlooseningupmylimbsandtriedtokeepmymindblank.
Thetuneofthetechnoremixslammedrightbackintome.
“God,”Imuttered,reachingoutformyAirPods.
Iputthemin,grabbedmyphone,andhitplayonapodcast.
“Hello,mytruecrimelovers,”thevoiceofmyfavoritepodcasterstarted.Theguy’svoicewasn’tasdeepasCameron’s,buthehadaverysimilaraccent.Whichwasironic.Andunimportant.Iclosedmyeyesandletoutabreath.“Intoday’sepisodeIwillbetakingyoualongwithmetothewildesttundraofAlaska.Solockyourdoors,sitbackinyourcomfiestchair,andlet’stravelbackintime,tothecaseoftheAlaska’sslaughtererof…”
Headburrowedinthepillow,Ifocusedonthesoothingtoneandrichimagespaintedinmymind.ThiswasanepisodeI’dbeensavingforarainyday,butasIventuredintothestory,Iwasn’tsosoothedbythatvoiceanymore.Andtheimageswerenolongerrichandinmymind.Theywerespookyanddisturbinglyfamiliar.Specificallytheantlersthat—
Somethingcackledinthecabin.Orcracked.Orcreaked.
Ipausedtheepisode.
Isatupveryslowlyandsearchedtheshadowsfillingupthecabin,prayingthatIwasimaginingthings.ButthetruthisthatI’dneverhadagreatimagination.AndIwassureI’dheardsomethingontheothersideofthecabin.
Anothercreakechoed.Thisonecloser.
Iheldmybreath,thebeatingofmyheartquicklyreachingmytemples.ItoremyAirPodsoutandsearchedeverycornerandshadowagain,notfindinganything
Ashivercrawleddownmyspineatthemereofthoughtofananimalor—Jesus—somecrazyAlaskanbutchersneakingintothecabinandwatchingme.Sooutofsomestupidinstinct,Iclosedmyhandsaroundthecomforterandbroughtittomychin.Thefabricwassoitchythatitfeltlikesomethingwascrawlingonmyskin.Butithadtobeparanoiaspeaking.Igrabbedmyphoneandturnedtheflashlighton.Therecouldn’tbe—
Asetofsmallfeline-likeeyesblinkedfromthedarkness.
Andattheexactsametime,somethingmovedundermyass.Underneathme.
Iscreamed.Ijoltedstraightoutofthatbed,snatchedeverythingonmybedsidetable,andran.
“No,no,no,no,no.No.”IwentforthefirstpairofshoesIfound.ThestilettosI’dworntoday.“Thiswasn’tpartofthedeal.”Iracedacrossthecabin.Iwasterrifiedandfuriousattheaudacityoftheuniversetothrowthisonmyalreadyfullplate.“Iwassupposedtobeonthebottom,”Icontinued,makingittotheantlersandgrabbingmypursefromwhereI’dhungit.“Allthethingsthatcamebeforeweresupposedtobemyrockbottom.Thereshouldn’tbemore.”
Buttherewas,apparently.
Andwhatwasworse,CameronCaldanihadbeenright.Iwasnotgoingtomakeit.Notevenforthenight.CHAPTERSEVEN
Cameron
“Reckless,stubbornwoman,”Isaid,glancingoutthewindow.
Imadetheefforttoblinkafewtimes,eventookanothersipofmycoffee—Frenchpress,aterriblewateryjokeconsideringIwasanespressodrinker—butI’dleftmymachinebehindandclearly,myeyeshadtobebetrayingme.Eitherthat,orI’dbeenrightallalong.
Iturnedonmyheelswithoneclearobjectiveinmind—thedoor—butIheardWillowcallingformefromthekitchen.BeforecomingtoGreenOak,Iwouldhaveassumedshewaswonderingwhyweweren’thavingbreakfast,buttheincessantmewlingandcallinghadnothingtodowithfoodnow.UnlikePierogi,WillowhadbeenbitchingsincethefirstboxwaspackedbackinL.A.Eversincearrivinghere,she’dbeenveryclearaboutwhowastoblameforallthediscomfortshewassuffering.Me.SowhenIcrossedthelivingroomandfoundherpoisedonthekitchencounter,rightnexttotheFrenchpress,Iknewexactlywhatwascomingnext.
“Canyoupleasegiveitarest?”Iaskedoneofmytwocats.“Icanonlydealwithonecomplicated,frustratingfemaleatatime.”
Sheheldmygazeinsilence,thenmovedclosertothepot.Challengingme.
“Willow,”Iwarned.Butherpawcameoutinresponse.“IsweartoGod,Willow.Thatcoffeeisnogood,butifyoumakeme—”
Shemewled,interruptingme.Asiftellingme,Idon’tcarewhatyoudoordonotthink.AndsweetJesus,ahumorlesslaughburstoutofmymouth,becausehowwasitpossiblethatthecatI’dadoptedyearsagocouldremindmeofawomanI’dknownforlessthanaday?
Thattinybutsneakypawinchedcloser,soberingmerightup.“Willow,”Isaid.Softly,thistime,pleadingly.“Iknowyou’renothappyhere,butweallneedto—”
Willowjumpedoffthecounteranddashedintothehallway.
“Adapt,”Ifinished,myeyesfocusingonthetrailofmudshe’djustleftbehind.Iraisedmyvoice.“Andplease,stopsneakingoutofthehouse.”
Pierogiliftedhisheadfromthearmofthecouch,givingmeacharitablelook.
“Thanks,P,”Itoldher.
Myphonepingedfromthekitchenisland.Igrabbedit,aglancetellingmewhoitwas—Liam,myformeragent—andwhathewanted—somethingIdidn’thavetheenergytodealwith.
SoIlockedthescreen,slippeditintomypocket,andgavemyselffivesecondstoregroup.Then,Istompedmywayoutofthehouseandontotheporch.Iwasn’tgoingtofoolmyself,alarge—andloud—partofmeknewthatIshouldn’tbeinvolvingmyselfinanythingconcerningthatwoman.Ishouldn’tevenbeentertaininggoingtoher.SheknewwhoIwas,andshe’dalmostblurteditouttothegirls.
I’dgonethroughalmostamonthofanonymity.Iwentonmyhikes,grabbedcoffeefromJosie’sJoint,reluctantlyranpracticethreetimesaweeksincetheseasonhadkickedoff,andkepttomyself.CoachingwasalreadyastretchonwhatIhadbeenlookingforhere.Peaceandquiet.Silence.Nature.Nothingfootball—orsoccer,Ithoughtwithaneyeroll—related.Yes,evenafterfiveyearsplayinginL.A.IstillfeltapricklewhenIhadtocallthesportIlovedsomethingotherthanfootball.
Thearrivalofthatwomanhadmuddledeverythingup.AdalynElisaReyeswasamajorinconvenienceandIshouldnotbewalkingtowardhercar
Ishouldhavebeengoingintheoppositedirection.Probablymoveaway.Toadifferenttown.
Iknewshe’dbringonlytroublewithhersuitsandherheelsandherplanstodrivetheteamtoitsfullpotentialorsomebullshitIsuspectedwouldonlybringattentionIdidn’tneedorwant.
Andyet,Ifoundmyselfcrossingmyyardandbangingmyfistonthewindowofhercar.
Ignoringthesenseofdéjàvu,Iwaitedforthewomancurledupinthedriver’sseattoreact.Herheadwasonceagainagainstthewindow,andherlipswereparted,butherexpressionwaslaxwithsleep.Myeyesbetrayedme,dippingdownherbodyandnoticinghowherarmshuggedherbarelegs.Icursedundermybreath.Shewaswearingnexttonothing.Justsomeflimsysilkysleepsetthatleftverylittletotheimagination.
Somethingdeepinmygutflared.
Wasshemad?Septemberwasonthemildsideinthisarea,butatnight,temperaturescoulddecreaseatleasttwentydegrees.Shecould—
Ah,forfuck’ssake.Ididn’tcarewhetherthiswomanwascoldornot.
Irippedmygazefromallthatskinondisplayandbangedonthewindowagain.Much,muchharder.
Sheawokewithajolt.
Herwholebodyjumpedassheclutchedhermeagertop,lookingsodisorientedandfrightenedthatforaninstantIfeltbad.Me.Feelingremorsefulwhenshewasbeingsorecklesslyirresponsible.
Hereyesfoundme.“Youagain,”shescoffed,herwordsmuffledbytheglass.“Youscaredme!Whatintheworlddoyouthinkyou’redoing?”
“WhatamIdoing?”Irepeated,flabbergasted.“Betterquestionis,whatintheworlddoyouthinkyouaredoingsleepinginyourcarlikethis?Areyoumad?”
“WhatIdoisnoneofyourbusiness.”Sheturnedherhead,givingmeherprofile.
Withaslowexhale,Iplacedmyhandontheroofofthecarandleanedcloser.“Youarecampedinmyyard,thatmakesyoumybusiness.Canyourolldownthewindowsowedon’thavetoyellateachother?”
“Ouryard,”shesaid,gazeonthewindshield.“Andyou’realwaysyelling.Glassornot.”
Myexasperationsparked.“Adalyn,”Isaid,andthatwordalonewassomehowenoughforhertoshakeherheadandgrudginglypressthebutton.
Oncethewindowwasdown,shepinnedmewithanunimpressedglance.“So?WhatcanIhelpyouwith?”
Mybrowsshottothetopofmyhead.“Pardonme?”
“Oh,wherearemymanners.”Sarcasmdrippedfromhervoice.“Goodmorning,neighbor.MayIhelpyouwithsomethingonthiscrispandbeautifulmorning?”HerlipscurledupinwhatwasthephoniestsmileI’deverseen.“Thatbetter?”
Iblinkedatthewoman.Stared,really.Iwasataloss.Again.Never—notevenonce—inmylifehadanyonemanagedtounarmmelikethiswomandid.AndI’dmetsomesneakybastardsthroughoutmycareer.
Inmysilence,shepointedatmyhand.“Isthatcoffeeforme?Ifso,nothanks.NotonlydoInotacceptthingsfromstrangersbutIdon’ttrustyou.”
Ilookeddown,noticingforthefirsttimethatIhadbroughtmymugwithme.Christ.Whatwasupwithme?“I’mnotastranger.”Ireturnedmygazetohers.“Andbelieveme,Iwouldn’tcaretospikeyourdrinkorwhateverthefuckyou’reimplying.I’veseenyouunconsciousandyou’rejustasmuchworkasawake.Ifnotmore.”
“Ikeepforgettinghowannoyingyourkindare.”
Mykind.“English?”
“Pompousplayerswhobelievethesunrisesandsetsonthem.”Ashrugofashoulder.“Andbytheway?Youareastranger.TheonlythingIknowaboutyouisyournameandthatyouenjoyshoutingatpeople,specificallywomen,whiletheysitincars.”Sheloweredhervoice.“Soundslikealawsuitwaitingtohappenifyouaskme.”
Inarrowedmyeyesather.Shethoughtshecoulddeflectbyinsultingme.“Iaskedyouaquestion.”
“Imighthavemisseditwithalltheaggressiveyellingandintrusivepounding.”Herlipspursed.“Actually,you—”
“Cutthegoddamnbullshit,darling.”
Hershouldershikedup.“Ihaveaname—”
“Oh,Iknowthat,”Iinterjectedbeforeshesidetrackedmeagain.“Igoddamntoldyou,Adalyn.Itoldyouthatyouwouldn’tmakeitanightinthatbloodyshack.Sotellme,huh?Whyareyousleepingouthere?Inyourcar.I’msureyouhaveagoodreason.”
Shelookedatmethen.Reallylooked,thefeaturesonherfacegentling,asifmywordshadcaughthersooffguardthatherwallshaddroppeddown.Inthatinstant,Icouldfinallyseeher.TheAdalynbehindthatbravado,pride,andhostilityIdidn’tunderstandandwhomanagedtobringmyowntemperout.Andevenwithherhairpointinginalldirectionsandthedarkcirclesunderhereyes,itwasimpossibletomisstwothings:AdalynReyeswasbeautiful.Andshewasalsoahotmess.
ShewasabeautifulhotmessofaninconvenienceIwantedoutofmyhair.
“Sleepingouthereisnotsafe,”Ipressed,hearingmyvoicesoften.“Orsmart.It’sirresponsible.Soifyoudon’twanttousethecabinyoubooked,thenleave.Packyourthingsandgo.”Shepaledatthat,butIcontinued.Ineededthemessagetobedeliveredloudandclear.“Ifyou’vebeensentheretofillinsomesillycharityquotaforyourbig-timeclub,lie.Allright?It’seasyandalltheclubsdoit.Makeupsomereportsorastoryandgohome.Stopthepretenseand—”
Shethrewthedriver’sdooropen,bringingmywordstoastopandmakingmestumblebackastep.Shestuckhalfofherbodyoutandpointedafingeratme.“Listen,”shehissed,lettingmeknowallguardswererightbackup.“Andlistencarefully,youstubborn,cocky,infuriating,andexasperating…curmudgeonofaman.”
Ifrowned.“What—”
“Ifyouthinkyoucanbossmearoundjustbecauseyouthinkyourselfmoreimportantthanme,orbecauseyouhavedevelopedsomestrangesuperioritycomplexduetotraumaorasmallpenis,thenIsuggestyouthinkagain.”
Mybrowsbouncedup,meetingmyhairline.“Idon’t—”
“I’mnothereforyou,”sheloud-whispered,herfacegrowingred.“I’mhereformyfranchise.AndI’mnotajournalistwhocanjust…concoctastory.Itakemyjobseriously,andthatsillycharityquotaismyoneticketoutofhere.”
Iopenedmymouthagain,butshepushedatthedoor,openingitevenwiderandsmackingmeinthestomach.“JesusChrist,woman.Whatiswithyouandhittingmewiththatgoddamncar?”
Adalyndidn’tanswerme,shewasbusystompingoutofthecar—barefoot,Inoticed—withapairofshoesdanglingfromherfingers.
“Adalyn,”Icalled,followingherwithmyeyesasshewalkedpastme.ThishadescalatedinawayIhadn’tbeenexpectingandnowIfeltlikeagianttwat.“I’m—”
ButAdalyndidn’tcareforwhatIhadtosay.Shestoppedherstruttoturnandpointatmewithonesharpstiletto.
“Saveit,becauseIdon’tcare,”shesaid,makingmyjawclampshut.“Andletthisgetintoyourthickskull:thisistheonlyplaceIplantostayfortheforeseeablefuture.”Sheswallowed,anditwasthenthatInoticedherchestheavingupanddown.Fuck.HadIbeenthatbigofaprick?“Believeme,”Adalyncontinued,hervoicecracking.“Iwouldn’tbeinGreenOakifIhadasayinit.Iwouldn’tbehereifIhadn’tbeenbanishedfrommylifelikeI’mdisposable.Socongrats,youwereright.Ididn’tmakeitanight.ButknowthatIwouldn’thavesleptinthatcarifIhadanyotherreasonable,not-crawling-with-God-knows-whatchoice!”Herpitchrose,gettingsqueakyhigh.“Soifmypresencebothersyouthatmuch,thenjustactlikeI’mnothere.BecauseI’vegotanewsflashforyou:I’mnotgoingbloodyanywhere,mate!”
Bloody.Mate.Wasshetakingthepissoutofme?“Ada—”
Shewhirledaround,makingherwayinsidethatdecrepitcabinwhileIremainedfrozeninplace,obtainingtheanswertomytwoquestions.Yes,shemusthavebeenmockingmeandyes,Ihaddefinitelybeenaprick.
Iclosedmyeyes,shakingmyheadbrieflyuntilIheardathudandayelp.
Myeyelidsliftedjustintimetoseeastilettoflyingoutofthecabinandlandingatmyfeet.
Astiletto.
Walkaway,Itoldmyselfagain.Shejustgaveyouaneasyout.Ignoreher.
Isquaredmyshoulders,downedtherestofmycoffee,grabbedtheflyingshoe,andheadedforherdoor.
ThefirstthingIsawwhenIventuredintoSweetHeavenCottagewasAdalyn.Shewasstillbreathingheavily,herhairstillverymuchamessandherlegsandarmsondisplay.Onceagain,Icouldn’tstopmyselffromlettingmygazegetalittlelostinthatlastfact.Andonceagain,IwashonestenoughtoadmitthatIlikedwhatIsaw.Ilikedthecurveofherhipsandthighs,thesightofherbarefeet,andevenhowherbreastsmovedwithherbreathingunderthatthintop.Iwas,afterall,aliving,breathingman.Andshe—
“Idon’thaveangermanagementissues,”sheannounced,makingmygazereturntoherface.“Iwantedtoclarifythatbeforeyouaskorpointitout.Ireallydon’t.Iwasdealingwithafrustratingsituation.Withmyshoe.”
“Nottobeabloodyass,mate,”Ipurposelysaidinathickaccent,throwingthewordsbackathertobreaksomeofthetension.“Butthat’swhatsomeonewithangermanagementissueswouldsay.”
Sheletoutasmallhuff,hershoulderscomingdownaninch.“WouldyouratherItakemyfrustrationoutonsomethingelse?BecauseIhaveanothershoe.”
“Oh,wereyoudoingthatwithsomethinginparticular?”
Alookwasshottoherright,anditwasonlythenwhenIspottedit.Themassiveanddatedfour-posterbed.Iarchedmybrows,noticingoneofthepoleswashangingataweirdangle.Ihadtobitebackasmile.Agoddamnsmile.“Wereyouperhapsusingtheshoeasahammerofsomesort?”
“I’mresourcefullikethat,”sheansweredsimply.“Itwaseitherthatortakingmyangeroutonsomeone.”
Myeyesjumpedbacktoher.Andthementalimagetookshapeinmyheadsowickedlyfastthatthistime,Icoulddonothingtostopthecornersofmylipsfromfinallytwitching.
Herexpressionturnedhorrified.“OhGod,no.No.Imeant—”
“Iknowwhatyoumeant,”Isaidwithashrug.“AndImustdecline.Beingshankedbyalittlebirdlikeyouisnotonmyprioritylist.”IplacedtheshoeI’dretrievedfromoutsideonthefloor.“Nottoday,atleast.”
Shefrozeforaninstantbeforerollinghereyes,butIdidn’tmissthewayherthroatandcheeksflushed.“Idon’tevenknowwhatthat’ssupposedtomean.Shanked.Plus,I’mnotlittle.Orabird.”
Itookafewstepsforward,droppingmymugonsomeeggshell-coloredcabinetinwhatIsupposedwasakitchenette.Christ.ThisplacewasinworseshapethanI’dthought.“Listen,I’vecomeinheretoextendatemporarypeacetreaty,okay?”
Sheeyedmewithaskepticalexpression,hergazetravelingupanddownmybody.“Whywouldyoudothat?Ididn’tevenapologizeforyesterday.”
“Areyouactuallysorry?”
Adefeatedpuffofairlefther.“Iwashavingaparticularlyhorribleday.”
“Well,then.Consideryourverypoorandmuchtoolateapologyaccepted.”
IignoredthesoundleavingAdalynandsteppedfurtherintothecabin.ThewoodcreakedundermyfeetasIgavemysurroundingsaquickglance.Everysurfacewasclean,andthereweremarksonthefloorsasifheavyfurniturehadbeenmovedaround.Iwonderedwhointheworldhaddecidedtorepurposethisshackintoaholidayaccommodation.Someonewhohadn’tbeenhere,clearly.
Iextendedmyarms.“Icanseehowthiscabinisaproblem.Itwouldbeforanyonewhohasminimallivingstandards.ButIcan’thaveyoucampingoutinyourcar.Itstartsbysleepinginthereonenight,turnsintotwo,andthenbytheendoftheweekyou’lleventuallybecareless,leavefoodoutandattractsomewildanimal.”
Thatgotherattention.“Awildanimal?Likeabear…orsomethinglikethat?”
“Blackbearsarenotexactlyrareinthisarea.”Shepaled,andItookthechancetocontinue.“AndIcan’triskthat.Ihaveafamilytolookafter,okay?”AndIcouldn’tseemtokeepWillowindoors.
“Oh,”shebreathedout,andtomycompletesurprise,herface…softened.Herlipsparted,relaxed,andalightshadeofpinkfilledupherwholeface.“Ididn’tknow,Ineverreadorheardthatyouweremarried.Orhadkids.”
“Idon’t.”
Shelookedatmelikeshewantedtoaskaboutthespecifics,butsheonlybitherlip.
Irippedmyeyesoffhermouthandbusiedmyselfwitheverytackypieceoffurniturearoundher.“Doyouthinkthisisascam?”Ipointedwithmyheadatthebed,althoughImeantthewholeplace.“Orjustanhonest-to-Godcrimeagainstdécor?”
“Maybeamixofboth?”
“Well,Ihopewhoeverbookedthisforyouisattheveryleastfirednow.”
“HowdoyouknowIdidn’tbookthismyself?”
Iglancedbackather,findinghereyebrowsknotted.Sheabsentlytouchedherforeheadandflinchedslightly.Myvoiceturnedhard.“Didyougetthatchecked?”
“It’snotmyassistant’sfault,”shesaid,ignoringmylastcomment.“AtleastIdon’tthinkso.Andit’snotlikeI’minapositiontofireanyonerightnowanyway.”
“Thebanishment?”
Insteadofanswering,sheavertedhereyes.“Thecabinwillbefine.Thisisallfine,really.”
“Youcouldhavefooledme.Youcouldhavefooledthatbedforthatmatter.”
Westayedinsilenceforalongmoment,andtomycompletesurpriseitwasn’tchargedorfilledwiththathastyandexplosivetensionthathadaccompaniedeveryconversationbefore.IlookedatAdalyn,whowasquietlystaringatthebed,seeminglylostinthought.
Asofthumlefther,andwhenshespoke,Icouldn’ttellifshewasactuallyrealizingthat.“Ican’tbelieveIusedtodreamaboutoneofthosewhenIwaskid.”
“Youdid?”Imurmured,curiousenough.
Sheseemedstartled,maybeevenalittlebashfulaboutherconfession,butshedidn’ttakeitback.“Yes.It’stoobadthisone’sinfested.”
“Infested?”
Allofthatsoftnessvanished.“WhydoyouthinkIwassleepinginmycar?”
Thiscabinwasanatrocity,asickjoke,andIknewthat,butnowallthatinexplicableexasperationI’dbeenexperiencingflaredbacktolife.Jesus.Somuchforthatcomfortablesilence.“Becauseyou’reaspoileddaddy’sgirlwhocan’tbearthethoughtoflessthanafive-starhotel?”
Intruth,Ihatedsayingthat.Butapartofmehadpushedmeto.ApartthatIdidn’tunderstand.Thepartthatwantednothingtodowithher.
AllthatfireI’dseenearlierreignitedbehindhereyes.“Youknownothingaboutme.”
Andyouknowtoomuchaboutme,Iwantedtosay.ButIextendedmyarmandheldupmypalm.“Givemeyourphone.”
Sheblinked.“Doyouevenknowanynormalsocialcues?IthoughtIcouldbedifficultbutyou’reimpossible.”
“Isurelyam.Impossiblyannoyed.”Iwiggledmyfingers.“Phone.I’lltextmynumberfromyours.”
“AndwhyintheworldwouldIwantyournumber?”
Icouldthinkofaboutahundredreasons,noneofwhichIlookedforwardto,butI’dofferedheragoddamntruce.AndIwasn’tamonster.“I’llforwardyouLazyElkLodge’scontactinformationwhenI’mbacktomycabin.TheoneIwasgiven.Ringthemandsayyou’recallingonmybehalfifyouwantthemtoactfaster.Askthemtorefurbishthecottage.”
Herlipspoppedrightopen,shapingawideO.
“Sayyou’remyassistant,ifyouwill,”Icontinued.“Complainaboutsomecrazyneighborlivinginatoolshedandwreakinghavoc.I’msurethat’llgettheirattention.”
Hergazejumpedbetweenmyfaceandextendedpalmacoupleoftimes.
“Idon’thaveallday,”Itoldher.“AndI’mhelpingyou.”
“Bycallingmespoiledandbeingasmug,self-conceitedp—”Shestoppedherself.
“Prick.Youcansayitoutloud,darling.”Isteppedcloser.“Now,phone.”
Sheblewagulpofairthroughherlips.“It’sinmycar.”
“Christ,”Iwhispered,producingminefromapocket,unlockingitandofferingittoher.“Saveyournumberinminethen.I’lltextyou.”
Herhandhesitatedbutthenshesnatchedthephonefrommygrasp,herfingersgrazingthebackofmyhandbrieflybutmanagingtomakemenoticethetouch.Hercheeksflushedandshesaid,gazecastdown,“Istilldon’ttrustyou.AndifthisissomewaytoplaysometricksorpranksonmeI…”Shetrailedoffforasecond,somethingcrossingherexpression.“Saveyourselfthetrouble.”
Thebloodinmyveinsfroze.
“Lookupatme,please,”Itoldher,andmyvoicewaslowanddeliberatelyhard.“DoIlooklikesomedumbcollegeboytoyou?”
Thatblushturnedintoanintenseshadeofpink.Shefrownedbutshookherhead.
“DoIlooklikeIhavenothingbettertodothanplaylittlepranksonyou?”Isteppedcloser,makingsureshemetmygaze.Shegavemeanothershake.“That’sright.BecauseImightnotlikeyou,andyoumightnotlikemeinreturn,butIpromiseyou,Adalyn,I’mtoooldtowastemytimeinpointlessthingsliketrickingyouforsport.”
Herthroatworked,draggingmyeyesthereforaninstant.
Ireturnedmygazetohers.“Ionlyplaywhenthere’ssomethingworthwinning.Sosaveyournumberinmycontactsandhandoverthephone.ThesooneryourealizethisisallGreenOakhastooffer,thesooneryou’llbeoutofthistown.”CHAPTEREIGHT
Adalyn
MyFlamescredentialshadbeensuspended.
Ihitthekeyagain,balancingthelaptoponmykneesasIsatonthebleachers.
Yourusernameorpassworddonotmatchanyuserinoursystem
Ireenteredeverythingagain,refreshedtheportal,disconnectedandconnectedthelaptoptothehotspotonmyphone.Samemessage.
Mystomachtwisted.
Thiscouldn’tbehappening.Notwithoutawarningofsomekind.This…
“MissAdalyn?”
Ilookedupfromthatbluepop-upwindowthatwassendingwavesofdreadupanddownmybody,findingoneofthekids.“MaríaCamilaVasquez,right?Youbroughtmetheiceyesterday.”Icethathadn’tstoppedasectionofskinfromturningdark—justforafewdays,GrandpaMoehadsaid—andhadledmetocovermyfaceinmakeupthismorning.JustlikeCameronhadpredicted.Ugh.
Maríaseemedalittleconfusedforasecond,soIpulledtherosteroutofthestackoffilesJosiehadhandedtomeyesterdayandthatIhadspentallmorningstudying.TherewasinformationabouttheSixHillsLittleLeague—namedthatwaybecausethebestteamsofsixadjacentcountiestookpart—agameschedule,tentativedatesfortheteamsthatmadeittoplayoffs,andthepiècederésistance:thereasonwhytheGreenWarriorshadqualified.TheyweretheonlyU10soccerteaminthiscounty.
Iscannedtheprintedlist.“Yes,”Isaid,checkingthephotoofthenine-year-oldandglancingupather.“MaríaCamilaVasquez.Youlookalittleyoungerintheroster,butithastobeyou.”
“JustMaríaisokay,”shedeclared,hercheeksturningpink.“NobodycallsmeMaríaCamilaanymore.Exceptformydadmaybe.Andthat’sonlywhenhe’sreallyangryatmebecauseIsneakedouttoplaywithBrandyinsteadofdoingmychores.Hedoesn’tcarethatBrandyislonely,andthat’swhyIsneakouttoseeher.”IopenedmymouthbutfoundIhadnothingtosay,whichMaríatookasaninvitationtocontinue.“ShekindaremindsmeofDadsometimes.Ithinktheycouldbefriends,butDadisalwayssobusywiththefarmthathehasnotimetoplaywithanyone.Notevenme.”Somethingseemedtooccurtoher.“Icouldbringheroverifyouwanttomeether.”
Iblinkedatherforasecond.“Oh…Hmm.IsBrandyyourfriend?”Ieyedtherosteragain.“Iguess…Iguessshecouldtryoutfortheteamifshewants,butI’dneedtochecktheU10guidelinestoseehowmanyplayerstheteamcanhaveontheroster.Howoldisshe?”
“About…”Shestuckoutherhandsandcountedonfingers.“Six…?”
“Shemightbetooyoungtotry.”IstartedshiftingthroughthestackJosiehadgivenme.“Imusthavetheregulationsomewhere.Holdon.Chelseaisseven,anyway.Somaybe…”
“She’sbigforherage,though.Whenyoucomparehertoanyoftheothergoats.”
Myhandscametoahalt.“Goats?”
“Brandy’sagoat.”Maríagrinned.“She’salsoblind.Andsuffersfromanxiety.”Apause.“Hmm,maybeshe’sfivemonthsoldandnotsix.I’mnotsurenow.”
God.Ittookmeamomenttogathermyselfbecause,howhadIgottenhere?TothepointwhereIwastellingakidheranxioussix-orfive-month-oldblindgoatcouldn’tapplytothesoccerteam?
Isetdownthestackofpapers.“Ithinkthere’snoplaceforBrandyintheGreenWarriors.Unfortunately.”
Maríanodded,nothingbutunderstandingbehindhereyesandthatsmilepointedatme.Insilence.Foraverylongtime.
Iclearedmythroat.“So…Didyouwantsomething?”
“Ah,yes.”Herexpressionbrightened.“Everyone’sscaredofyou,sotheysentmehereasrepresentativeoftheteam.”
Shockanddreadflashedthroughme.
Scared.Thekidswerescaredofme.Ipushedasidehowthatmademefeel.“Well,that’sunderstandable.Noteveryonelikesstrangersandthatvideowasn’tthebestintroduction.”
“Ilikeyou,though,”shecountered.“Ithinkyou’reprettyandIloveyourclothes.AndIdon’tthinkyouhavearestingwitchface,liketherestdo.”
Istartedtoscoffbutcovereditwithacough.“That’sverykindofyou,thankyou,María.”
“You’rewelcome.”Maríanodded,hersmilesplittingevenwider.“Ialsothinkthatwedon’treallyneedMr.Camelback.”
ThattimeIcouldn’tmufflemyreaction.Isnorted.Mr.Camelback.“Andwhyisthat?”
“Becauseyoushouldcoachus.JustlikeIsaidyesterday.Haveyouthoughtaboutit?”
“Oh.”Myshoulderstensed.“No,no.Idon’tthinkthat’sagoodidea.I’lllookforanewcoach,though.”Josiehadsaidnobodywasparticularlyexcitedaboutsoccerbuttherehadtobesomeoneinthistownwhocouldcoachagroupofchildren.I’ddotherest.I’dstartwiththeparentscomingtopickupthegirlslatertoday.Somehadgivenmeafewskepticalglancesatdrop-off,whenthey’ddiscoveredCameronwasn’taround,butJosiehadbeenheretoappeasethem.
“Ithinkit’sthebestideaever,”Maríainsisted.“Itwon’tbehardforyou.ChelseaandIgoogledyouandyouworkfor,like,arealteam.OurlastcoachwasGrandpaMoe,andI’msureyou’llbemuchbetteratitthanhim.He’sfun,butonetimehecalledacornerkickatouchdownwhenJunipersenttheballoffthefield.”
Ichewedonthatinformation.NowonderJosiehadbeensokeenonrecruitingCameron.“Isthatwhattheteamsentyoutoaskme?”
“Ohno,theysentmetotalktoyouabouttheplantogetMr.Camomileback,butIthinkweshouldboycotttheplananddoourownthing.We’llbe…atwo-personteam.LikeWednesdayandThing.Oh,canIbeWednesday?”
I…“What?”
María’smouthopenedbutmyphonerang.
“Holdon,thiscouldbeMiami.”Ifishedthedeviceoutofmypurseandsawmyfather’snameonthescreen.Myfathernevercalled.Hopeflickeredinmychest.Maybethey’drealizedIwasneededintheoffice.MaybeIwasn’tallthatdisposable.“María,howaboutyougobacktothegirlsanddosomewarm-updrillswhileIgetthis?Maybe…makealinewithsomeconesandtrytojogtheballbetweenthem?I’llbewatchingfromhere.”
Sheturnedaroundwithacheery“Okay!”anddashedbacktothegroupthathadgatheredinthemiddleofthefield.
Ilookedbackattheringingphoneforaninstant,thenpickedup.
“Dad—”
“Aymi,Adalyn,”wasimmediatelybellowed.
“Mom?”
“Adalyn,miamor,dimequeestásbien,”mymotherallbutscreamedintothephone.
Istumbledbackintothebleachers.“Mom,whatareyoudoinginDad’soffice?”
“Don’tMomme,”shewarnedinthatthickaccentthatshe’dneverlost.“YouknowhowmuchIdon’tlikethat.Momthis,Momthat.”Adramatichuff.“That’sallIgetafterIfindoutthatyourfatherhaskidnappedyou.”
“Maricela,”Iheardmyfathersayintheback.“Ihaven’tkidnappedher,Jesus.Imerely—”
ButMaricelaReyeswasangry,andwhenshewas,therewasonethingyoucouldn’tbringup.
“DonotbringJesusintothis!”shespatatmyfather.“Areyoutellingmeyou’renotkeepingmyonlydaughtersomewhereagainstherwill?”shecontinued,andIswore,Icouldperfectlyseeherclutchingherchestinoutrage.“Esmiúnicahija,Andrew.Misangre.Simisantaabuelavieraesto,nuncateloperdonaría.Si…”
Andsomymotherwentonandonabouthowmyfatherdidn’tknowanythingabouttherealvaluesofbloodandfamily.InSpanish,ofcourse,whichwasmymother’sdefaultwhenshewasupset.
“Maricela,”myfatherpleadedontheothersideoftheline.“English,please.Idon’tunderstandyouwhenyougetlikethat.”
Ihadtobitebacktheurgetodefendmymother.Butafteryears,I’dlearnedtostayquietwhentheyarguedlikethis.
“Andwhosefaultisthat,huh?”shespatback.“Maybeifyou’devermadetheeffort,butno.Nunca.Porquetú…”
Andsoshewentonagain.
Iexhaledlonganddeep,blockingoutanargumentIknewwell.Thiswasexactlywhatmyfatherhadwantedtoavoidbykeepingmymotherinthedark.Aconflict.Onethatalwaysmanagedtofindmeinthemiddle,whichwaswhyIhadagreedtohisdemand.Itdidn’tmatterthatmyparentshadneverbeenmarried;onoccasionslikethis,Iknewwhathavingdivorcedparentswaslike.
“Mom,”Isaidafterafewmoments.Andwhenitwentunacknowledged,Isaid,inSpanish,justlikeshealwaysencouragedme,“Mami,porfavor.”
Asexpected,thatgotmeherattention.“I’msorry.Ijustworryaboutyou,Adalyn,”shesaid,hervoicesofteningandmyfatherimmediatelyforgotten.“Areyouokay?”
“OfcourseIam,”Ilied.Andbecausetherewasnopointinburdeningmymotherwiththingsshecouldn’thelpwith,Iadded,“Ipromise.I’mperfectlyfine.”
“Nomientas,Adalyn.”
Ugh.Sheknewmetoowell.“I’mnotlying,”Iinsisted,brighteningmytoneandfeelinglikeatotalfraud.“Thisisjustaworktrip.”Ihadtoswallowbeforecontinuing,andeventhatway,myvoicewavered.“Everything’sgoinggreatandthere’snothingforyoutoworryabout.”
Athicksilencefollowedmystatement.
“See?”Iheardmyfathertellher.“She’sokay.She’salsoanadult,forcryingoutloud.You’resmotheringher.”
Iheardanotherofmymother’sgasps,followedbyrushedstepsandadoorclosing.
“Hello?”Iaskedintothephone.“Mami?”
“Yourfatherisbeingannoying,”mymotherannounced.“Likealways.That’swhyInevermarriedhim.”Sheclickedhertongue.“IwentintothebathroomofhisofficebecauseIdon’twantyousayingthingsyoudon’tmeanbecauseheislistening.”
That…stung.ButIdidn’tthinkIhadthehearttoargueit.“Itwouldmeanalotifyoucouldtrustme.”
“Trust,”shehuffed,butitwasn’twithmalice.“Thenwhydidn’tyousayanything?Andwhyisyourfathernottellingmewhereyouare?WhydidIhavetocomeheretofindoutthatyouhadleftMiami?”
“Whatareyoudoinginthefacilities?”Idodged.Mymotherneversetfootinthestadium.ShebarelyeverleftCoralGables.
“Icamelookingforyou.AfterIsawthathorrible,awfulvideo.IwastalkingtoMatthew,youknow,duringourweeklycallandhe—”
“I’mgoingtomurderhim,I—”
“AdalynElisaReyes.”
“Sorry,”Isaid,eventhoughMatthewwasstillgoingtohearaboutthis.Agulpofairleftmylipsforcefully.“I’malsosorryaboutnottellingyouIwasleaving.Andaboutthevideo.”Myeyelidsflickeredclosedforaninstant.“WhatIdidisinexcusable.”
“Inexcusable.”AtrailofcursesinSpanishIdidn’tcatchlefthermouth.“You’remydaughter.There’snothingyoucandothatIwillnotexcuse.AndthatPaul?Healwayshadamouthonhim.Whatdidhesaytoyou,huh?”Somethinginmystomachtwisted.Paulhadn’tsaidanything.Theworsthe’ddonewasbeinmywaywhenI’d…lostit.“Youknowwhat?Idon’tevenwanttoknow.I’mgoingtogodowntowhereverheisandtellhimthathe’soldenoughtolookforarealjob.Youknow,onethatdoesn’tinvolvecostumeswithfeathers.”
“Pleasedon’t,”Isaid,bitingbackagroan.“Andhe’saperformer,youknowthat.Wepayhimwellforwhathedoes.”
“Toomuch,probably.Iwouldliketoseehiminarestaurant’skitchen.Now,that’shardwork.Notswayinghisassforacrowd.”
“Mom.”Igroaned.“Youusedtobeintheentertainmentindustry.Youmodeled.That’snotsodifferentfromwhatPauldoes.”
“AndIwasinmanykitchensbeforethat.Ugly,filthykitchensatthat.Ibetthatboyhasn’tliftedafingerinhislife.”
“I…There’s…”Nopointindiscussingthis.“There’ssomethingIneedtotalktoDadabout.Canyoupleasepasshimthephone?”
MaricelaReyessighedthesighthattoldmeshewasn’tdonewithme.“Work.It’salwayswork.?Yquéhagoconlospastelitosquetetraje?Ithoughtthey’dcheeryouup.Theinternetissomean.Thecommentsunderyourvideoare—”
“Kellywilllovethem,”Iinterjected.Ididnotwanttohearaboutwhattheinternetwassaying.“Givethesweetstoher.”
“Fine,Iwill.AndIloveyou,okay?Callmeifyouneedme,?sí?”
“Ipromise,”Iliedagain.Iwouldn’tneedanyonebutmyselftogetoutofthis.
Therewassomenoiseonthelineasshereturnedtomyfather,andthen,hisvoicecutacurt,“Yes?”
“I…”Istarted,makingthemistaketotrailoffforasecondtoolong.
“Adalyn,Idon’thaveallday.”
Isquaredmyshoulders,evenifmyfathercouldn’tseeme.“Ithoughtyouwerecallingtoupdatemeonthestatusof…thingsthere.InMiami.”
“Itwasyourmothercalling.”Apause.“AndIrememberveryclearlytellingyoutogiveallyourfocustotheassignment.”
“Ifthere’sanythingthatIcandofromhere,I—”
“You’renotneededoverhere,Adalyn.Yourassistantishandlingthings.AndIwasveryspecific:noremotework.”
Thatsliverofhopewassnuffedrightout,leavingmewithahollowspotinthemiddleofmygut.“Isthatwhymyaccesstothesystemhasbeenrevoked?”
“Yes,”heansweredquickly.“You’llreachouttoDavidifthere’ssomethingurgentthatneedsmyattention.Youmuststillhavehisprivatenumberfromwhenyoutwo…wereinvolved.”InvolvedseemedtobeastretchnowthatI’dlearnedwhatIhad.“Anythingthat’snoturgent,youwillaccountanddetailandrecordto—”Hestoppedhimselfwithanirritatedsigh.“Haveyounotreadthememo?”
Theone-pagememoabouttheGreenWarriorswhereitwasnotspecifiedthattheteamwasarecreationalU10?Ihad.Now.Alittletoolateapparently.“Yes,Ihave.”
“Thenyouknowwhattodo.We’responsoringtheteamnow,sothinkofitasanextensionoftheFlames.Iexpecttogetagoodstoryoutofthis.Youshouldarrangeforafewjournaliststowriteabouthowmuchgoodwearedoingforaruralcommunity.Createasuccessstoryoutofit.”Anothersigh.“Thisisawasteoftime.Everythingshouldbeobvioustoyou,Adalyn.”
Ifeltmyselfsinkintothebleachers.Maybeitshouldbe.“Speakingoftheteam,though,the,um,GreenWarriors.It’s…notwhatIexpected.”Iwaitedforhimtosaysomething,andwhenhedidn’tIfelttheneedtofillinthesilence.“Theaccommodationisalsolessthanideal,unfortunately.Thecabinis—”
“Whatexactlyareyoutryingtotellme,Adalyn?”
“That…”Icouldhavesaidahundredpossiblethings.Iusedtobesomeonewhoworkedwellunderpressure,soIknewIcouldhavecomeupwithsmart,well-reasonedargumentsastowhythiswholethingwas…ridiculous.Wayundermypaycheck.ButinsteadIblurted,“MyaccommodationissubparandI’msupposedtoworkwithachildren’steam.”
Abitterburstoflaughterechoedintheline.“Well.Youlastedalloftwenty-fourhoursbeforegivingup.”
Thewordsfeltlikeablowtothemiddleofmychest.Andforwhateverreason,myheaddecidedtothrowaverysimilarstatementbackatmyface.Cameron’s.Idon’tthinkyouwillmakeitasinglenightthere.
“Idon’tblameyou,”myfathercontinued.“LeavingbehindthecomfortofthelifeI’veprovidedforyouisnoteasy.Sofine,I’llsendyousomewhereelse.Haveapick,UnderwoodHoldingshasenoughoptionstokeepyoubusyuntilthisblowsover.Ialwaysbelievedyou’dbebettersuitedforrealestateanyway.”
Allthebloodleftmyface,droppingtomyfeetwithaswoosh.“Butthat’snotwhatIwant.Youknowthat.”
“Whatdoyouwantthen?”heaskedmeeventhoughheknewtheanswertothat:theMiamiFlames.Myjob.Mylife.RespectfromhimandDavid.Hepressed,“Runbackhome?Youcan.Contrarytowhatyourmothersaid,Ihavenointentionofkeepingyouthereagainstyourwill.ButIcan’tgiveyouyourjobattheFlamesback.Yourfaceisstilldanglingaroundlikewe’reabadjoke.”
Abadjoke.
Mythroatdried.Myheartwaspounding.Everythingfromthatdaycamerushingback.Ifeltcoldandwarm,allatonce.“I’mnotrunningbackhome.Icandothis.Iwillfixthis.”
“That’swhatIwanttohear,”hesaid,andIhatedthereliefthathalf-heartedcommentmademefeel.“Now,ifyoudon’tmind,Ineedtogosearchforyourmotherbeforeshewreakshavocintheoffice.”
AndbeforeIcouldsayanotherword,thecallended.
MyhandfelltomysideasIblinked,staringintoemptyspace.
Iremainedlikethatforlongtime,Iwasn’tsureifitwasaminuteorfive.ItriedtofindpeaceintheSeptembercrispair,slowlybringingthepoundinginmychesttoanormalpace,searchingforthecomfortofthelateafternoonsunonmyface.Itfeltgood.Orasgoodassomethingcouldfeelwhenonewasstandingonthereal—sevenfeetunderbottom—rockbottom.
Abirdchirpedinthedistance,thesoundechoingthroughtheabsolutesilencesurroundingme.
Ifrownedfrommypostatthebleachers.
Whywereweinabsolutesilence?
Myeyesdashedtothespotwheretheteamhadbeenbutfoundnoonethere.Nokidsintutusdoingcartwheels,noincessantchatter,noonelyingonthegrass
Panicenteredmysysteminonepowerfulandoverwhelmingwave.Phoneinhand,Ijerkedupandclimbeddownthebleachersatsupersonicspeed.
“Hello?”Icalled,mygrowingdesperationloudinmyvoice.“Girls?”
Butnooneanswered.
Ispeed-walkedalongthesidelines,mygazesearchingeverycornerandedgeinthefacilities.Whereintheworldwerethey?Icouldn’tbelieveI’djustlostawholeteam’sworthofchildren.God.Thiswasanewlow.ThiswasalsowhyIwasn’tfittobetheircoach.Ididn’tbelongonthesidelinesandIwasuselesswithkids.Ifthey’dwanderedoutintothenearbywoodsorthestreet,I’dneverforgivemyself.I—
Aloudnoisefollowedbyaburstofgigglescamefromtheoppositedirection,andIimmediatelyveeredthatway.Thesupplyshed?Moreclatteringsoundsfollowedthefirstone,asifallsortsofthingswerecrashingagainsttheground,makingmespeedupandwishIwasn’twearingapairofheeledsandalsthatwerediggingintothegrass.
“Pleasedon’tbehurt.Pleasedon’tbebruisedorbleedingor…”
IcametoastopthemomentIspottedaballrollingoutoftheshed.Themetallicdoorswerethrownwideopen,oneofthemwashangingoffitshinges,andhushedvoicescamefrominside.Anotherballrolledout.Thenathird.Andafourth.
Chestheaving,Iventuredinside.Thespacewaslargerthanitseemed—ithadatallceilinganditwasatleasthalfthesizeofmycottage—and…allkindsofthingswerescatteredonthefloor.Vestswerespillingoutofcabinets.Coneswerescrambledontheground,netsfilledwithballsthathadseenbettertimeswerestrewnallovertheplace.Therewereevencardboardboxeswithothersports’equipment.
Itwasamess.Andinthemiddleofitall,therewerethegirls.
Thegigglingcametoanabruptstop.
Makinganefforttosettlemybreathing,IaskedascalmlyasIcould,“Isanyonehurt?”
Theyallshooktheirheads.
“Nobruises?Nobleeding?Nothing?Everyone’swhole?”
Theyallnodded.
Onlythen,Iletmyselfrelax.
Thegirlwiththeshort,auburnhair,JuniperHiggins,aspertherosterIhadmemorized,steppedforward.Shehuggedhermiddle.“MissAdalyn,Itriedtostopthem,buttheywouldn’tlisten.”
“Juni!”oneofthemcomplained.“Snitchesgetstitches.”
Juniperflushed.“It’sthetruth.Itoldyouwewouldgetintrouble.AndnowMissAdalynislookingfurious.”
“I’mnotfurious,”Isaid.Notatthem.Iwasangryatmyself.
Someonewhispered,“Butshealwayslookslikethat.”Thatseemedtogetagrumbleofagreement,bringingadifferentkindofheattomycheeks.“Didn’tyouseethevideo?”
Somethinginmystomachsoured.
“She’snotthemonstersheseemsonthatvideo!”amuffledvoicecountered,draggingmyeyestoacornerandfindingMaríawithayellowconelockedoverherhead.
“OhGod.Howdidthatevenhappen?”Iwalkedtoherandtriedtoextricatethethingoffhershoulders,butitwouldn’tcomeoff.Shoot.“It’snotcomingout.”Igroaned.“Areyouokay?”
“I’mfine,”Maríaanswered.“See?Wouldamonstertrytohelpme?”
“Butt-kisser”wasmurmured.
“Okay,”Isaid.“Rulenumberone:noname-callingintheteam,okay?”ItookthereluctantgroupgrumbleasayesandcontinuedmyattempttofreeMaríafromthecone.“AndI’mnotangry.Orfurious.Iwas…”Ipulledatthethingbutitremainedstuck.“Worried.”
Unliketheybelieved,Iwasn’tamonster.Imightnotbegoodwithkids,butI’dneverforgivemyselfifsomethinghappenedtothembecauseofmyownirresponsibility.
Thesamekidwhispered,“That’swhatallgrown-upssay,butwegetintroublenomatterwhat.”SheturnedherheadtowardJuniperandsaidmoreloudly,“You’resogettingstitches.”
“Rulenumbertwo,”Idictatedwithahandintheair.“Nooneisgettingstitches.”
Exceptmaybeme.Thiswasallmyfault.
Inmyhastetotakecontrolofthings,I’dclearlymiscalculatedandmisjudgedthesituation.Thefactthatthesewerekidswouldn’tmakemyjobhereeasierormyworkloadbeneathwhatIwasusedtobackinMiami.
It’dprobablybetheopposite.
AndnowIhadakidstuckinaconeandasupply-roompandemonium.
GivinguponMaríaforaninstant,Ibracedmyhandsonmyhips.IfIwantedtomakeasuccessstory,likemyfatherhadputit,outofthisIdidn’tjustneedsomeonetolookafterthemduringpractice.Ineededacoach.Someonewhowouldmakeadifference.Someone—
Agroupgaspstartledmebackintoreality.
Then,adeepvoicethatdrawledwordsinanaccentIwasgrowingveryfamiliarwithsaid,“WhatinGod’snamehappenedhere?”
Iwhirledmyhead,hopingtofindCameron’seyeswideandfullofhorrorashetookinthestateoftheshed.Buttheyweren’t.Hewaslookingstraightatme.
Andtobothofoursurprise,Ianswered,“Oh,hi,Coach.”CHAPTERNINE
Adalyn
“Coach,”themansputteredlikethewordwaspoisonous.
Ididn’tblamehim.
EvenIdidn’tliketheidea.Butthatwaslife.Sometimesyouneededtoputyourbiggirlpantiesonandsuckitup.Orinthiscase,workwiththeexasperatingretiredprosoccerplayeryouhadmistakenlyfiredandwhohappenedtolivenextdoor.
CameronCaldaniheldmygazeasheclutchedtwotake-outcupsfromJosie’sJoint.Iwonderedifhereallywasthatmuchofacoffeedrinkerorifhewascarryingthatsecondbeverageforsomebodyelse.Perhapsforsomeoneinthefamilyhelookedafter,ashe’dsaid.
Myeyesflickereddown,noticinghe’dchangedsinceourencounterthismorning.Now,agreenfleececoveredhischest,andinsteadofsweats,apairoftrekkingpantswithmorepocketsandzippersthananynormalpersoncouldpossiblyeverusestretchedoverhispowerfulthighs.Hewasalsowearingboots.Outdoorsy,Gore-Texboots.Yikes.
“What’supwithcone-girl?”Cameronasked,snatchingmyattentionawayfromhisattire.
“I’mMaría!”shecomplained.“Andrulenumberoneisnoname-calling.”Amuffledhuffleftherbeforesheadded,“Mr.Camomile.”
Cameronexpelledapuffofair,andinthreelongstrides,hewasbymyside,freeingMaríawithonehandwhiletheotherheldthetwodrinks.
Irolledmyeyesathoweasyhemadeitlook.
“Thanks,”Maríamuttered.
Camerondroppedtheconetothegroundandturnedtome.“So.Areyougoingtoexplainwhatthismayhemisnow?”
Nope.Ireallywasn’t.“Howwasyourday,Cameron?”Nowthathewascloser,Icouldnoticethetracesofdriedsweatonhistemplesandthewayhisskinwasalittleredfromthesun.“Doanythingexcitingtoday?Ahikemaybe?”
Hiseyesturnedtotwothinslits.“Youmeanbesidesfindingyourightinthemiddleofanothergrimyetsomehowunsurprisingsituation?”
Someofthegirlsgasped.
“Doyoualwayshavetobesounpleasant?”Iretorted.
Thegirlsoooh-ed.
“Idon’tknow.”Heshrugged.“Doyouplanonbringinganythingbuttroubleintotown?”
Thegirlsaaah-ed.
Ibentmylipsupward.NotonlyhadInointerestinthisman’spassive-aggressivebabbling,butIcouldn’tforgetIwasawomanonamission.“So,Coach—”
Hebarkedoutahumorlesslaugh.“Absolutelynot.”
MymouthcrackedopenwithacomplaintbutsuddenlyJosie’sheadwaspoppingoveroneofthemetallicdoors.
“OhmyGod.”Josiepanted,leaningontheframeandbringingahandtoherforehead.“ThankgoodnessIfoundyou.”ShewasasoutofbreathasI’dbeenafewminutesago.ShewasalsowearinganapronwithJOSIE’SJOINTinbiggreenboldletters.“There’sacodeyellow.”
Weallblinkedather.Eventhegirls.
“Codeyellow?”Iventured.
“Theparents,”sheexplained,hereyesgoingwideandpanicky.“They’repissed.”ShelookedatCameron.“Whyareyoustillholdingthat?Pleasemetellyouarenotdrinkingit.ItoldyouthesecondJosephinowasforher!”
Cameron’slipspressedintoaflatline.“Believeme,Iheardyou.”
HadJosiemadeoneforme?IshotCameronafurtiveglance,buthedidn’thandmethedrinkso—
Josieshiftedatthedoor.“Whatintheworldhappenedhere?Nevermind,wedon’thavetimeforthat.”Shewhirledherhead,checkingsomethingoverhershoulderbeforefacingusback.“Hey,girls,howaboutwemovethisbackontothefield?Youcanplaywhateveryouwantuntilpracticewrapsup.Yay!”
Thegirlscheeredandimmediatelyobeyed,streamingout.
“We’rerightbehindyou!”Josiecalled,sendingusanurgentglanceandusheringusoutoftheshed.
Shestoppedussomewherealongthesidelines,andImadesuretofacethefieldsoI’dgetaclearviewoftheteam.
Voices—adultvoicesthathadnothingtodowiththeruckusthechildrenwereproducingfromthegrass—reachedmyears.ItriedtolookaroundJosie,butshesnaggedmyfacewithbothhands.
“Adalyn,”shesaid,bringingmyheadrightinfrontofhers.“Ineedyoutofocus,wedon’thavetime.Oragameplan.Andweseriously,seriously,needone.Thisisacodeyellow,probablyevenblack.”Josie’seyeslandedonCameron,andshehuffed.“Jesus,Cam,whyareyoustillholdingtheJosephino?”Shereleasedme,snatchingthecupfromastillscowlingCameronandshovingitinmychest.“Here.You’llneedthis.”
Iacceptedthecup,makingmyselfignoretheweightofCameron’seyesonmyprofile.“Okay,”ItoldJosiewithanod.“What’swrongwiththeparents?”
“Theparentsarewhat’swrong,”Josierushedout.“Wewereallatthecaféanditwasallfineuntiltheystartedtalkingaboutcomingbackhereandinterruptingpractice.Theyhaveaplan.They’resendingtworepresentatives.Theyweresayingtheydidn’twantto”—shegesturedforairquotes—“makeascene.Butthat’simpossiblewhenDianeisinvolved.”
CameronletoutagruntIdidn’tunderstand.
IkeptmyfocusonJosie.“Makeasceneaboutwhat?”
Thevoicesgrewcloser,andthistime,Ispottedtwoadults,amanandawoman,overJosie’sshoulder.
Josieswallowed.“Theyknow,Adalyn.They’veseenit.”CHAPTERTEN
Cameron
Ishouldn’tbehere.
IshouldhaveleftaroundthetimethewordcoachhadleftAdalyn’slipsforthefirsttime.WaybeforeJosieandthesetwootherpeopleshowedupandstartedbabblingaboutrulesandparentassociationsandthewell-beingofthekidsandadozenotherthingsIdidn’tcareabout.
They’dbeengoingatitforatleasttwentyminutesandIstilldidn’tunderstandwhattheywerereallydiscussing.SomethingaboutAdalynthatIdidn’tunderstandanddidn’tconcernme,clearly.That’swhyI’dusedthetimetokeepaneyeonthegirlswhilehalfofthemplayedaroundandtheotherhalf…recordedshitontheirphones.Dances.Ididn’tevenknowwhatfor.Ihatedsmartphones,socialmedia,andanythingthatwasremotelyrelated.
Ilookeddownatmyemptycup.
BloodyJosephino.
That’swhathadstartedallofthis.AllI’dwantedwastopopintothecaféforaquickcupaftermyhike.IshouldhaverefusedtodelivertheextrabeverageJosephinehadprepared—withoutthinkingoftellingme,naturally—forAdalyn.ButJosephinehadawayof…sneakinguponpeople.Shethrewyouacoupleofquestionsandnextthingyouknew,youwerecoachingakiddieteamordeliveringdrinks.
Shewouldhavemadeagreatsportsagent.
“…AndthatiswhymygoodfriendCam”—themayorofthetownpattedmyarm—“isrighthere.”
“Unfortunately,”Imuttered.I’dtunedoutawhileagobutbeingstuckherewasdefinitelyunfortunate.
Josiecackled,startlingmeandmakingmenoticethateveryeyeinthesmallgroupwasonme.Thetwoparents—awomanwithquitethebrighthairandatallmaninredrimmedglasses—weregivingmeaonce-over.Adalynwas,too,andnotforthefirsttime.Ineededashower.Iwassweaty,myclothesandbootscoveredindust,andIwasdonewithwhateverthiswas.
“Well,”thewomansaid,thatheadcoveredinablindingshadeofyellowstillmovingupanddownmybody.“Heistall.”Iblinkedattheobservation.“Andathletic.AlsoEuropean.”
“He’sthewholepackage,really!”Josephineclapped.Clapped.Christ.“Andhewas—andis—doingsuchagreatjobwiththegirls.Youknowthat.”
“Wereyoutrainingtheteamdressedlikethattoday?”Dianeasked.“Ican’trecallseeingyouinanythinglikethiswhenI’vedroppedoffChelseainthepast.”
Ididn’tevenlookdownatmyself.“I—”
Josiecutmeoffwithapitchylaugh.“Ohno.Hejustgothere!Camhadtotaketodayofftotakecareof…”
“Hischicken,”Adalynofferedquietly.
Mywhat?
“Camloveshisanimals,”Josephineagreed.“Theanimalslovehiminreturn.AndyouknowwhoelseadoresCam?Thegirls.”
Iarchedaneyebrow.“Whatintheworldareyou—”
Josephinecackledagain,silencingme.“Ah!Kids.Welove’em.Anyway,youtrustCam,andthat’swhyhewillbetheperfectcomplementtoAdalyn.”Mybrowclimbedevenhigher.“Hewilltakecareofthetechnicalsideofthings,likepractice,games,allthatstuff.WhileAdalynfocusesonthemorepracticalthings.DidItellyouAdalynisareal-lifeboss-lady?She’sanexecforateamininthebigleagues!”ShesetonehandonmyshoulderandoneonAdalyn’s.“Theyalreadyaretheperfectteam.Lookatthem!”
Iwasn’texactlycomfortablewiththemstudyingmeupcloseafterthatstatement,butifnoonehadrecognizedmeinweeks,IwantedtobelieveIwassafe.SoIshookmyheadandshotJosieablandlook,catchingAdalyn’sfaceasshestoodbesideher.Hergazewasdowncast.Ifrowned.
Thewomaninfrontofushuffed.“Idon’tknow.ItrusthimbutIstillhavereservationsabouther.I’mveryconcernedforChelsea,andtherestofthegirls,forthatmatter.Theyarethirdandfourthgraders,andveryimpressionableatthisage.Trustme,I’mthepresidentofthePTAforareason.Iwouldknowthesethings.”
Soshe’dsaid.Aboutahundredtimes.
Ididn’tevenknowwhattheyweresoworkedupabout.SomethingaboutnotreallyknowingAdalyn,somethingtheyhadseenonlineandnottrustingsomeonelikeherwiththekids,whateverthatmeant.Theywereconstantlytalkingaroundwhatevertherealissuewas.NotthatIwantedtoknow.MyonlyconcernnowwasJosephine’sstatementaboutAdalynandIbeingateam.Thewomanhadfiredme.Severaltimesinthespanofafewminutes.Me,asifIwasn’taprofootballerwhowasdoingtheteamafavor.Whichsheapparentlyknew.She’ddismissedmeasifshehadaproblemwithexactlythat.
Ihadnointerestinfindingoutwhatthespecificsofthatproblemwere.
“AndasthevicepresidentofthePTA,”themanadded,adjustingtheglassesonthebridgeofhisnose.“Isharethatconcern.MyhusbandandIhadalongtalkwithourJuniperafterwefoundoutaboutthewhole…ordealandwhilewesupportthefreeexpressionof,youknow,emotions,westillthinkit’snotsettingagoodexampleforthegirls.”
“Myhusband—”Thewomanstoppedherself,hercheeksturningred.“Ex-husband,heardChelseasayingsomethingaboutwantingtoswitchfromballetto…kungfuorsomethingoutrageouslikethat.Doyouknowhowunsettlingthatis?Mydaughterisapeaceful,delicatesoulandnowshewantstofight.Fight!”
IeyedChelseainthedistance,withablacktutuoverherclothes,furiouslypirouettingwhileMaríaclapped.Thatkidhadnointentionofdroppingballet.
“Diane.Gabriel.”Josie’ssmileturnedwider,tenser.“Iunderstandeverythingyou’resaying,Ido.ButcanwepleasemaketheefforttoputourselvesinAdalyn’sshoes?Ithinkshe’sbeenchastenedenoughfortoday.Don’tyouthink?”
Ilookedinthedirectionofthewomaninquestion.Thebagsunderhereyesseemedmorenoticeablethanearliertoday.Myeyesflickereddownherbody,noticinghowshewastappingherfingersaroundthecup.Ididn’tthinkshe’dtouchedherJosephino.
“Givemeachance,”Adalynappealedtothegroup.“Iunderstandwhereyou’recomingfrom,butIpromiseyou,Iwillbefullydedicatedtothegirls.”Shehesitated.“Iwilltaketheteamtonewheights—”
“WithCam,”Josephineadded.
Adalyn’scheeksflushed.“WithCam,”sheagreedquietly.Tooquietly.“There’salsoanMLSteambackingmeup.Thatmeansnewkits,trainingsupplies,sponsoredgear…Anythingyoucanthinkof.Thereisabudgetallocatedtospend—”
“Doyouthinkyoucanbuyus?”Dianesputtered.Myeyesflashedtothewoman,zoominginonherface.
Adalyn’svoicedidn’twaver.“No.Ofcoursenot.”
Dianebristledanyway.“Iknowyourkind.Yousaunterintosmallplaceslikeours,inyourfancyclothesandcars,wantingtomakebigchanges.”ShetookastepinAdalyn’sdirection.“Thishashappenedbefore.TotheVasquezes’farm.So,no.Idon’ttrustyouandyourmoney,missy!”
“Diane!”Josephineexclaimed.ShesetahandonAdalyn’sarm.“Dianedoesn’tmeanthat.Ipromiseyoushe’sjustpassionateaboutthekidsandthecommunity.Sheunfortunatelygetsalittleheatedsometimes.”
Gabrielmurmuredsomethingthatsoundedalotlike,“Herewegoagain.”
Andasifoncue,thewomanwavedahandintheair.“Iamnotheated.”ShewalkedaroundJosephineandpointedafingeratAdalyn.“Andifanyoneknowsaboutgettingheateditisthiswomanrighthere.Nextthingweknow,someone’shurtor…decapitated.”
AstrangesoundleftAdalyninresponse.
Beforethewomancouldsayanotherword,IfoundmyselfbetweenherandAdalyn,holdingacrumpledemptycoffeecontainerinmyfist.Iwilledmyfingerstorelax,thenpusheditinsideapocketonmypants.
“I’maboutdonelisteningtothis,”Iannouncedtothegroup.Diane’sheadtiltedback,lipsbobbingwordlesslyatme.IsentaquicksidewaysglanceatJosephine.“So,ifwe’refinallythroughwiththisnonsense,I’dliketowrapthingsupandgohome.”
Josephine’seyeswereslightlywide,butherlipswerepartedwithabiggrinthatmadeherlookderanged.ShelookedstraightatmeasIremainedintheexactsamespot.
“Christ.Whatnow?”Iasked.
Sheshrugged,thatsmilefrozeninplace.“Nothing.Andyes,we’redonehere.”ShemadealittlepauseIdidn’tmissbeforeadding,“CoachCam.”Then,shewasonthemove,grabbingbothDiane’sandGabriel’sarms.“Okay,youtwo.HowaboutItreatyoutoadelicioussliceofraspberrytart?Onthehouse,ofcourse.”
AndbeforeIcouldblink,Iwaswatchingthemwalkalongthesidelinesinthedirectionoftheotherparentsthathadgatheredtopickuptheirkidsandwerealllookingthisway.
Isighed,forcingmyshoulderstorelaxandbracingmyselfforwhatevershowofhostilitywaswaitingforme.
ButwhenIfacedAdalyn,hergazewascastdownagain.AsifthetoesthatI’dalreadynoticedpeekingoutthehemofherpantsheldalltheanswersintheuniverse.
“Youdidn’tliketheJosephino?”Iheardmyselfask.
Herfingerstappedonthecontainer.“Idon’tdrinkcoffeeafternoon.”
“Well,”Ibreathedout.“Ithoughtittastedlikeshite,ifitmakesyoufeelanybetter.You’renotmissinganything.”
ShehuffedoutasoundthatIwouldhaveinterpretedasalaughifithadn’tbeensobitter.
Oddlyenough,Adalynremainedquiet.Inexplicably,Ifelttheneedtotesther,soItookthedrinkfromherandhadasipdespitemylastwords.
Nosmartremarkcame.Instead,shetuggedatoneofthesleevesofherblouse,lostinthought.I’dexpectedhertocallmeonmybullshit.Therewassomethingoffwithher.TherehadbeensinceDianeandGabrielhadshowedup.
“Haveyougoogledme?”sheblurtedout.“YouhavemyfullnamefromtheconfirmationemailIshowedyou,soyoucouldhave.”Apause.“Haveyou,then?”
Mybrowsknotted.“WhywouldIgoogleyou?”
“Right.”Somethingwaveredonherfacebutshesoldieredon.“Youdidn’tneedtointervenebackthere,bytheway.IcouldhandleDianeonmyown.”
Ibetshecould.Anyotherday,maybe.Rightnow,Adalynwasashadowofthewomanwhohadbeenbustingmyballssinceherarrivalintown.“Oddwaytosaythanks,”Itoldher,earningaslightlyharsherlookfromher.“NotthatIshouldexplainmyself,butitwasn’taboutyou.”
Ihadalowtoleranceforbullies,whichhadgottenmeinmorethanafewscufflesthathadmadethepressroundsthroughoutmycareer,andthatmotherhadbeenastepawayfromturningintoone.Ididn’tcarethatshewasjustaconcernedparentandnotsomecockywingerorforwardrunninginmydirectionandspittinguglywordsaboutmynonna
Adalyngavemeacurtnod,leavingitatthat.“Iguessweshouldaddresstheelephantintheroomthen.”
“Thoseimpracticalshoesyou’rewearing?”
“Icanpayyou,”shesaid,ignoringmyjabandlookingatherfeetagain.“Foryourtime.ThebudgetissmallerthanwhatI’dlikeandI’mnotexactlyongoodtermswiththe…CEOofmyclubbackhome,butIhaveresources.Icould—”
Iwatchedmyhandlandonherforearm.Thewarmthoftheskinbeneaththefabricoftheblouseseepedintomypalm.Herheadsnappedup.“Whatintheworldareyoutalkingaboutnow,Adalyn?Youdon’tevenwantmehere.”
“WhatIwantdoesn’tmatter,”shecountered,andIretrievedmyhandwithahuff.“Apparently,there’snomewithoutyou.Theparentswon’ttrustmewithoutyouheretointeractwiththegirls.Thatis,ifJosieconvincesDianenottostartacrusadeagainstmeorsomething.”
Myjawclenched.
Shecontinued,anewemotionfleeinginandoutinrecordtime,“Thegirlsareterrifiedofme,Cameron.Buttheylikeyou.Theylistentoyou.CanyoupleaseforgetIsaidthatthingaboutfiringyou?”Hervoicedidanoffthing.“You’llbedoingthemafavor,notme.”
Myteethwerepressedsotight,Icouldfeelthemgrittingagainsteachother.Iletmygazeroamalloverher,tryingtogetagoddamnreadonthiswoman.
“Thiswholethingtheparentsweresoworkedupabout,”Ifinallysaid,piecingsomeofwhatI’dheardtogether.“Doesithaveanythingtodowithyourbanishment?”
Shegavemeanod.AndIwassurprised,almostimpressedbythefactitwasn’tashyone.Therewasnothingbutdeterminationinthatnod.
Whatthefuckhadshedonetolandherselfhere?
“Ibreachedtheconductclauseofmycontract,”Adalynsaid,providingmewiththeanswer.“I…gotphysical.Withsomeone.Imessedup.”
Iconsideredherwordsforaninstant.“Wereyouprovoked?”
Herbrowsknotted.
“Wasthereagoodreasonforyoutodoit?”
Thatdeterminationwavered,butwhenshesaidyes,itwasafirm,curtword.“Therewas.”
“Allright.”Iturnedaround,spottingamostlyemptyfield,andthefewgirlsbehindalreadywithanadult.“Let’sgo,Ihavesomethinginthebootofmycarforyou.”
Westartedtowardmyparkingspot.
“Sodoesthatmeanyou’rein?”Adalynpressed,catchingupwithmypace.“Also,youreallyneedtoworkonyoursocialskills,thelineaboutthebootofyourcarwasalittlecreepy.”
IignoredthepangofreliefIfeltatseeinghersnarkwasback.“Surething,darling.”
“Stillnotyourdarling,”shequipped.
“Stilldon’tcare.”
Iwasspeed-walkingatthispoint,andshewasalmostbreakingintoajog,buteveninthosesillyshoes,shewasstillkeepingmypace.Iwasimpressed.
“So?”sheinsisted,aswecrossedthelotoutsidetheWarriors’facilities.“Cameron?”
Iheadedformy4×4,throwingopenthebootandextractingthebox.“Where’syourcar?”Iturnedtowardawide-eyed,andalittleoutofbreath,Adalyn.Herlipsbobbed.“Iwouldlovetofinishhereandfinallyjumpintheshower,soifyoudon’tmind.”
AdalynblinkedatmeandwhenIstartedmoving,decidingIdidn’tneedhertofindhercar,shestoppedmewithahand.JustlikeI’ddoneearlier,herpalmsettledonmyforearm.OnlythistimeIcouldn’treallyfeelthewarmthofherskinthroughthefabricofthefleeceIhadon.
“Cameron,”shesaidslowly,makingmerealizeI’dbeenlookingatherhand.Imethergaze.“What’sthis?”
“Abox.”
“What’sinthebox?”
“Notmypatience,that’sforsure.”Sheshotmeaglance.“IsaidIhadsomethingyoucoulduse.”
“CanyoupleasestopansweringallmyquestionswithcrypticmessagesIneedtodecipher?”
“Campingsupplies,”Iexplained,alreadyregrettingthis.“Inflatablemattress,pump,sleepingbag.Ithinkit’llbeobviouswhenyoutakeithomeandopenit.Now,where’syourcar?”
Adalyn’sbrowneyeswidened.“Ohno.”Herewego.“I’mnot—Iam—”
“You’renotwhat?Sleepingonaninflatablemattress?”Herlipspursedinatightpout.“Istheideaofsleepingonthefloornotgoodenoughfortheprincess?Youknowwheretheexittothehighwayis,then.”
“I’mperfectlyokaywiththat,”sheremarked,voiceturningtoice.“Anddon’tcallmeaprincess,youdon’tevenknowme.”Herheadshook.“OnethingisadmittingoutloudthatI”—shestruggledwiththeword—“needyoutomakethiswork.AndthatI’msorryfordismissingyousohastily,okay?BecauseIam.That’swhyIwillgoasfarasunearthingfundsfor—”
“Christ.Idon’twantmoney.”
Thatmadeherpause.“Whatdoyouwantthen?”
“Foryoutostopbeingsoabsolutelyexasperating.”Shefrowned,likeshedidn’tunderstand.JesusbloodyChrist,shewasgoingtodrivemeuptheclosesthill.“Takethegoddamnbox.Themattressinyourcabinisinfested,Adalyn.”
Herchinlifted.“I’mnotacceptingcharityfromyou.Icanhandlemyself.Unlikeeveryonethinks,I’mnotsomepamperedbratwhocan’tsurviveinthisplace.Ijustneedyoutocoachtheteam.”
“Charity?”Icouldn’thelpbuthiss.Herexpressionwavered,buttherewassomethinginherface.Somethingthathadtobemotivatinghertoactso…proud.Distrustfulofme.Thingwas,Ididn’tcare.“Thisisnotgoddamncharity,Adalyn.It’shumandecency.”
Herfacehardened,turningtosmooth-lookingmarbleifnotforthepinkflushingherskin.
Frustration,heavyandthick,solidifiedinsidemychest.“I’mnotgivingyouthisoutofthegoodnessofmyheart,believeme.Iwouldlovenothingmorethantoseeyoupackyourthings,leavetown,andneverlookback.”
“That’shonest,”shedeadpanned.“Andalittlerepetitive.”
Iheardthesoundthatsnuckupmythroat.“Youwantmorehonesty?”Myeyesroamedalloverherface,findingnothingbutmoreofthathardness.“You’vebroughtmenothingbuttroublesinceyouarrivedinthistown.You’vebrokeneveryoneofmyattemptsatthepeaceandnormalcyIcamelookingfor.Andyouhaven’tevenbeenhereforagoddamnweek.”Herlipstwisted,urgingmynextwords.“Idon’tknowyou,you’reright.Butguesswhat?Youdon’tknowmeeither,darling.”
Idroppedtheboxatherfeetandsomethinginthatfa?adebroke.
Isteppedback.“Butyou’llsoonlearnI’mnotaverycharitableman.Iamselfish.Proud.AndalittlemeanwhenIhavetobe.”Myvoicedropped.“Sodoasyoupleasewiththefuckingbox,butdon’tthinkI’mhelpingyouwithshit.”
Turningaround,Iheadedforthedriver’sdoor.Iwassodonewiththatwoman.Iwas—
“I’lltelleveryone,”shesaidfromherspotattherearofmytruck.“Ifyoudon’tcoachthegirls.I’lltellthewholetownwhoyouare.”CHAPTERELEVEN
Adalyn
“YouWHAT?”
Iloweredmyvoicetoawhisper.“Iblackmailedhim.Ithink.”
“Youthink?”ThepaleblueinJosie’seyesflashedwithconfusion.“But…How?When?WHY?”
“Let’ssee.”Iheldupafinger.“Ithreatenedtoexposehimtothewholetown.”Asecondone.“Lastnight,rightafteryouleftwithDianeandGabriel.”Andathird.“BecauseI’mdesperateandI…”Ashivercrawleddownmyarms.“Ineedhim,soIpanicked.ThewordscameoutofmymouthbeforeIcouldstopthem.”
Josie’seyesremainedthatfull-moonsizeforalongmoment.Iwasalmostsureshe’dstoppedbreathing.Thatis,untilshethrewherheadbackandlaughed.
“Ijustconfessedtoacrime.”Iblinkedather.“ThesecondoneI’vecommittedinthespanofafewdays.Maybeeventhethird,ifyoucountmehittingCameronwithmycar.”Mythroatworked.“That’sit.I’mgoingtojail.”
“Wait,wait,”shesaidbreakingoffthecackling.“YoudidwhattoCam?”
“I…IbumpedintoCameron,”Iconfessed.“Withmybumper.RightafterIalmostmurderedhischicken.Ialsokindofmomentarilyfaintedandhe—Itdoesn’tmatter.Ididn’tsayanythingbecauseIthoughtyou’dbehorrified.”
Anotherburstoflaughterleftthewomaninfrontofme.Peoplescatteredaroundthecaféturnedatthenoise.Allright,maybeJosiewasn’thorrified.
“OhGod,”shewheezedout,pattingherchestlikethathadbeenthebestjokeshe’deverheard.“IwishtherewasawayIcouldgetLazyElk’ssecurityfootageofthatexactmoment.”
Ifeltmyselfpale.Notanotherincriminatingvideo.“There’sasecuritycamera?”
“Oh,Idon’tknow,butwouldn’tthatbegreat?”Sheshookherhead.“Ifthereis,though,Iwouldn’treallyhaveawaytogetthattape.Thepropertybelongstoahospitalitycompanyofsomesort.Theyweretheoneswhorenovatedthebigcabinlastyear.”Ashoulderwasshrugged.“Ah,howIwishIhadthemoneytomakemyplacelooklikethat.”
“I’vebeentryingtogetaholdoftheowneractually.”I’dgoneasfarasdoingasCameronsuggested—whichI’dneveradmitoutloud—andpretendedtobehisassistantwhenIcalledthemanagingagent.“Withnosuccess.”
“Oh,istheresomethingwrongwiththecottage?Icouldtrytohelpifyouneedmeto.”
Wordsthathadbeenthrownatmebytwodifferentmeninthelasttwenty-fourhoursranginmyears.
LeavingbehindthecomfortofthelifeI’veprovidedforyouisnoteasy
Istheideaofsleepingonthefloornotgoodenoughfortheprincess?
“Thecottageisperfect,”Isaid.“Itwasaboutsomethingelse.Invoices.Ineedthemformytravelexpenses.”
“Thatmakessense,”Josiesaid,pushingatrayinmydirection.“Tryamacaron.It’llerasethatlookfromyourface.”Shepointedatthegreenone.“Pistachioismyfavorite.Plus,itmightbethelastoneyouevergettoeat.Youknow,iftheylockyoubehindbarsforallthosenasty,gnarlycrimes.”
“Itisn’tfunny,”Ideadpanned.ButshechuckledandIsnatchedoneeitherway.Beforebringingittomylips,though,IventuredaquestionIhadn’thadthecouragetoask.“Howareyousookaywithallofthis?WithwhatIjusttoldyouaboutCameronbutalsowiththevideoofme…beingsouncivilized.”
Josie’spermanentsmilewaveredforwhatprobablywasthefirsttimesinceI’dmether.“I’vebeenengagedfourtimes,”shetoldme.“Andnevermarried.IknowahurtwomanwhenIseeone.”
Istudiedthewomaninfrontofme.Herkindandbeautifulfeatureswereframedbywavesoflightbrownhair.IntheshorttimeI’dknownJosie,she’dbeensorelentlesslyoptimisticandhappythatherconfessingtobeinghurt—fourtimesatthat—shockedme.Notbythefactshe’dbeenengagednumeroustimesbeforethirty,butbyhowherinnerlighthaddimmedjustnow.
“MyparentssplitbeforeIwasborn,”Ioffered.“Heproposedwhentheyfoundoutmymomwaspregnant,buttheynevermarried.Ihavethesuspiciontheystillloveeachother,evenwhenmymomisrelentlessinherremindersofhowhappyandblissfulherlifeis—notdespite,butbecauseshenevermarried.”Ifeltmycheekswarm.Inevertalkedaboutmyparents’relationship.Andjustlikethat,Iheardmyselfsay,“I’veonlyeverbeeninonerelationship.Atsomepoint,Ithoughthe’dpropose,buthebrokethingsoffwithmeinstead.Itneverhurtme,notlikeitshouldhave.SoIneverresentedhim.”Thatsensationrightatthebottomofmystomachstirred.“UntilIheardhimsayingsomethingsaboutmeayearlater.”
Josienoddedherhead,onlytheremnantsofthatsternexpressionhangingaroundherfeatures.“ThisiswhyIlikeyou,”shesaid,hersmilereturningfullforce.“Everyoneelsewouldhaveaskedforthestory.Whatcausedthosefourengagementstoend.Butyoudidn’t.”
MychestwarmedinawayIwasn’tusedto.Josielikingmewasimportant.IneededanallyinGreenOakandI…likedthis.
“So,”sheresumed,poppingamacaronintohermouth.“Ihavequestions.”Hereyebrowsarched.“Firstoneis,didCamshowupatpracticetoday?”
Somethinginthemiddleofmychesttwistedatthereminder.“Hedid.Hestormedinandout,notevensparingaglancemyway.”I’dthoughtIwouldappreciatehimignoringmebutIhadn’t.IfelthorribleoverwhatI’ddone.ButIalsoneededhim,sohowwasIsupposedtotakemywordsbackandhavehimstay?“Dianewasalsothere,bytheway.ShedroppedoffChelseaandkeptwatchfromhercar.”
“Expected.ButItoldyouhe’dbeback,”Josiepointedoutwithatiltofherhead.
Icheckedthenearbytables,confirmingJosie’sJointwasstillmostlyempty.“HebelievesIblackmailedhim,Josie.Ofcoursehewasback.”
Sheshrugged,grabbinganothermacaronandchewingonitslowly.“Youforgethewascoachingtheteambefore.AndIdon’tknowCamsuperwell,butIknowenoughofhim.Heprobablytookthewholethingaboutyoub-wordinghimasplayfulbanter.”
Notthatagain.“Wedon’tbanter,trustme.”Andalso,“B-wordinghim?”
Josiechuckled.“Thatwascute,wasn’tit?It’slikewe’rebackinhighschoolandwe’retwogirlfriendswhisperingaboutgoingbehindthebleacherswithacrush.”Shegrimaced.“Idon’tthinkyoushouldgobehindthebleachers,though.ThestructureisreallyoldandIshouldprobablyaskRobbietohavealookatit.He’sMaría’sdadandGreenOak’sunofficialhandyman.”
“Sure,I’lltrynottosneakbehindthebleachersuntilRobbiechecksthem,”Iconcededinadrytone.
“Unlessthepropositioncomesfromsomeone…interesting,”shecountered,lipscurlinginawayIdidn’tlike.“Someonebanter-ywhohasjokinglybeenb-wordedlike—”
“Nope,”Icutheroff.“Notevenapossibility.”
“Fine.”Josierolledhereyes.“But—”
“So,gamesstartinaweek?”IdeflectedbyaskingeventhoughIalreadyknew.Ikneweverythingtherewastoknowbynow.
Herfacescrunchedupwiththought.“Oh!Youcouldapproachhimtotalkaboutthat.Makealittlesmalltalktosmooththingsover.FirstteamtobeatistheGrovesvilleBearsandthey’llbeatoughcookietocrack.”Thatgotmyattention.“Youdon’tevenneedtowaituntilnextpracticeonMonday.Justgotohimandsay—”Josie’swordscametoastop.“Codeyellow.”
Mybrowsfurrowed.“WhywouldI—”
“Codeyellow,”Josieinsistedthroughatoothysmile,hereyesjumpingquicklybehindme.“Codebright-Diane’s-hair-yellow.”
“YouneedtostopcallingforcodesIdon’t—”
Thebellonthecafé’sdoorrang.
Thesoundofheavyfootstepsfollowed.
“Actcool,”Josiewhispered.Butoneofhereyesstartedtwitching.
IopenedmymouthtoaskherifshewasokaybutbeforeIcould,alargehandwasflyinginfrontofmyface.
Apalmthatendedinfivelongandstrongfingers—somecrooked,andapinkywearingasignetwithaC—placedsomethingrightbesidethemacarontray.
Iwaited,butCamerondidn’tspeak.
“Oddwaytosayhello,”Ifinallysaid,feelingtheweightofCameron’sgazeonthetopofmyhead.Inoddedattheflyerinfrontofme,stillnotlookingathim.“What’sthis?”
Nothingcamefromhim.
“That’sGreenOak’sactivitybrochure,”Josiewhisperedloudly,leaningin.“Ithasthefulllistofseasonalactivitiesonoffer.There’ssports,ourendofsummercelebrationbythelake,artsandcrafts,ourfallfest,the—”
Ishotheraglance,andsheansweredmewithacomplicitglance.“Well,thisisgreat.ButIdon’tseewhyit’sbeenthrustinmyface.”
Insteadoftalking,CameronletoutoneofthosethroatynoisesthatmadehimsoundlikesomeonestraightoutofthePaleolithicera.
Ifeltmythroatwork.“Idon’tneedthis.”
“Oh,youdo,”hefinallysaid,anditwashistone—ormaybehisvoice—thatbroughtmygazeup.Greeneyeswerepointedrightatmeandhelookedso…cocky.Smug.“Isignedyouup,”heannounced.“Foreverysingleactivityontheagendafromthisweekendtotheendoffall.”
ThechairI’dbeensittingonscratchedthefloorofthecafé,thenoisemakingmerealizemybodyhadjustsprungup.“Youdidwhat?”Isqueaked
Cameron’slipstwitchedbeneaththatbeardIwasgrowingtoresentsomuch.Itmadegettingareadonhimsohard.“Diane—yourememberDiane,right?”heasked,andIblinkedawaymyreactiontothatname.“Besidesbeingpresidentoftheparentassociation,shealsohappenstobecouncilsecretary.Andguesswhatshe’sinchargeof?”
“Someoftheorganizationaltasks,”Josieansweredforme,makingusbothglanceather.Shewasholdingthebrochure.“Actually,Irememberveryvividlytellinghernottousethisfont.God,thecolorschemeisalsowrong.I…”Shetrailedoffthemomentshelookedup.“Oops.Please,continue.”
Myattentionreturnedtothemantomyleft,findinghiseyesonme.Again.“Shewassoconcernedaboutyourinvolvementinthecommunity,”hesaid,shruggingthosewideshouldersanddaringtolook…flippant.“Ithoughttohelpyoutiltthebalanceinyourfavor.”
“Youthoughttohelp,”Irepeated,andwhenhiseyesdippedtomymouth,IrealizedIwaspressingmylipssotight,Iprobablygrittedthewords.“Howgenerousofyou,Cameron.”
“Somewouldsaycharitable,”heshotbackcalmly,makingmycheeksheatatthereminderoflastnight’sconversation.“Iwouldn’tfeelobligatedtogotoanyofthese,though.”
Josieclearedherthroat.“Dianeisactuallyalittlebitofa…sticklerforrules?Shekindofhatespeoplesigningupandthennotshowingup.LastyearGrandpaMoeaccidentallysignedupforourfallfestwormrace.”IglancedatJosiewithhorror.“YoushouldhaveseenDianewhenGrandpa—Nothelping?’Kay.I’lltellyouaboutitlater,though.It’safunstory.”
“I’dlovetohearaboutit,”Cameronpipedupinaserioustone.“Adalyn,too,I’msure.She’ssignedupforthat,too,afterall.”
Myheadwhirledinhisdirection.“I—”Iwasmad.Extremelyfrustrated.ButIdeservedthis.I…“I’mabigfanofworms,actually.”
Camerontiltedhishead,studyingme,andthemotionmademenoticeadarkspotpeekingoutofthenecklineofhisthermal.Rightabovetherightsideofhiscollarbone.Ink.Ithadtobe—
“Ohhey,Diane!”Josieblurtedoutsuddenly.Mywholebodystiffened.CouldIpleasecatchabreak?“Wewerejusttalkingaboutyouandthewonderfulbrochureyouputtogether.Wow,thisyearlooksbetterthanever.”
IrippedmyeyesoffCameronCaldani’scollarboneandlookedoveratthemayorofGreenOakwithanobviousquestion:Whatareyoudoing?
Josieshotmeaquickglance:Trustme
Itwaseitherthatorstormoutofhere,soIbracedmyselffortheworstandwatchedhowDianecrossedthedistancetoourtable.
“Thankyou,Josie,”Dianesaid,afteracurthelloandaskepticallookinmydirection.“Itooksomecreativelibertieswithitthisyear.I’mparticularlyproudofthefont.”
“Whichisstunning,”Josieagreed.Andboy,shewassuchahorribleliar.Itwaspainfultowatch.“Youknowwhatelseweweretalkingabout?Thegirls’soccerteam.”
Dianefrowned.Idid,too.AndCameron…Well,hewasnowscowlinginthegeneralvicinityoftheconversation.
“Allright,”hegrunted,takingastepback.“Thisismycuetolea—”
“Love,”Josiefinishedforhim.“ThisisCam’scuetofinallyacknowledgehowmuchhe’slovingworkingwiththeteam.AndAdalyn.And—”
“Andtheactivities,”Iblurtedout.Myeyeswidenedatmyownwords.“Somuchthathealsowantstosignup.Rightalongwithme.”
Cameron’sgazefellsoheavilyonmethatIcouldswearIfeltmyskinheatingupunderallthatsilenthostility.
OhGod,whatwasIdoing?
“Ateambondingexercise!”Josiesquealedwithaclap.“Tobuildtheircamaraderieandtrust.HowFUN.Nowthat’swhatIcalldedication.Tothegirls,ofcourse.”
Asifsomestrangekindofvengefulself-destructiveautopilothadbeenswitchedon,Iasked,“Whatdoyousay,Coach?”
Hislipstartedtotwitch.
AndIstaredathim,feelingsicktomystomachoverwhatIwasdoing.WhatIhaddone.God,eversinceSparklesI’dbeenunhinged.Butthisman…Therewassomethingabouthimthatmademespringuponguardandattackbeforehecouldhitfirst,asif—
Cameron’smouthbent,oneofthecornersmovingupwardandgivingwaytoasmirk.
Evenwithallthatfacialhair,itwasobvious.Visible.Rightthere,ondisplay.Andhedidn’tevenlookamused.No,helooked…
Itwasinthatmomentthatmymemorydecidedtothrowbackatmesomethinghe’dsaid.
Ionlyplaywhenthere’ssomethingworthwinning.
OhGod.Ohno.
HadI…justgivenahighlycompetitivemanlikeCameronCaldaniareasontotakemedown?CHAPTERTWELVE
Adalyn
Goatyoga.
Withbabygoats.
AndCameronCaldani.Inworkoutpantsandaskintightlong-sleevedthermal.
ThiswasthefirstactivityonGreenOak’sfallbrochure—orhowIimaginedCameronreferredtoitintheprivacyofhismind:small-townactivitiesthatwillguaranteeAdalyn’sdemise.ThatwaswhyIknewthebrochurelikethebackofmyhand.JustlikewiththeGreenWarriors,Iwasonthequestofneverbeingblindsidedagain,soIcouldreciteeverydetailofeveryactivityscheduledfromthisweekendtotheendoffall.
NumberonebeingGreenOak’sGoatHappyHour,referredtoasGOGHH,takingplacethelastSundayofeverymonthatnooninthebarnlocatedonthesouthentranceoftheVasquezfarm.
MyquestalsoincludedthemanIwasupagainst,sonow,IalsokneweverythingpublictherewastoknowaboutCameronCaldani.BornintheoutskirtsofLondon,toanEnglishmotherandanItalianfather.SignedhisfirstcontractattheageofseventeenwithasmallteamandflourishedasoneofthebestgoalkeepersinthePremierLeague.HewentontoplayforclubsbasedinLondon,Manchester,andGlasgowandwascalledtwiceforEngland’snationalteamearlyoninhiscareer.Fiveyearsago,whenhisprominencestartedfizzlingout,hemadethejumpacrosstheAtlanticandcametotheUStoplayfortheL.A.Stars.Untilacoupleofmonthsago,whenheannounced—inaratherout-of-the-bluemanner—thathewashangingthegloves.Foreveryteam,he’swornthenumberthirteenkit.
ThelatterI’dalreadyknown.Numberthirteenwasararechoiceforakeeper,butwhoIwastojudge?
Iwasprepared.I’devenruntoOutdoorMoe’sandgottenmyselfsuitableclothesforyoga.Leggingsandtheonlytanktophe’dhadinstockinawomen’ssize.IthadSOMEONEINGREENOAKLOVESMEprintedonthefront,whichdidn’tringexactlytrue,butIcouldn’tcometoGOGHHinasuit.Ihad,however,comehereinheels.Butitwasokay.Thiswasmeanttobedonebarefoot—Iassumed.AndIwasequippedwithdata,knowledge,leggings,andashirtwithadubiousadvertisement.IwasreadytoshowDianeandeveryoneinGreenOakthecivil,responsible,andabsolutelynotunhingedpersonIwas.
Oneofthebabygoatsbleated,startlingmeintothepresentandmakingmyeyesgravitatetomyright.
Okay,perhapsIwasn’tcompletelyprepared.ButIdon’tthinkanyonecouldhavebeenforthesightofCameronCaldanistandingbarefootonapinkmat,withthesunshiningdownonhisoutlinedpecs.
NoteventhedozensofpicturesI’dbrowsed.
Accidentally.
Sortof.
Turnedout,Cameronwasonthereservedsideofthespectrumwhereplayerswereconcerned.Nomajoradcampaigns,barelyanyinterviews,andhardlyapictureofhimwithanythingthatwasn’tthefulluniform,traininggear,orasuit.Therewasn’tasinglepictureofCameronshirtless—whichIhadn’tbeenlookingfor—thatcouldhavepreparedmeforthatpecoutlineIwasseeingrightnow.
Withashakeofmyhead,Ifacedforward,spottingMaríainthedistanceasshewalkedinthedirectionofthegroupthathadgatheredforGOGHH.Shewascarryingagoatinherarms.Onethatwasn’tasyoungastheonescurrentlybouncingandswirlingaroundthematsanddefinitelytoobigforMaría’sarms.Hereyesfoundme,andshetriedtowaveahandatme,onlymanagingtodropthegoattotheground.
Iheard—andmadetheefforttoignore—Cameron’sgruntfrommyside.ExactlywheresneakyJosie,whohappenedtomoonlightasyogainstructorinadditiontocaféownerandmayor,hadplacedhim.ThisiswhatwealwaysdoatGOGHH,she’dsaidwithatwitchingeye.Ipersonallyassignallthespots.She’dbeenfullofit.
“Hi,MissAdalyn!”Maríasquealed,suddenlybymyside.“MissJosiedoesn’tletmeparticipateinadultactivities,notevenwhenthey’rerighthereonmyfarm,butIwantedtointroduceyoutoBrandy.”
ThegoatatMaría’sfeetbleated.
Oh.“Brandy,”Isaid.“Thesix-month-oldgoatwhoisblindandsuffersfromanxiety.”
“That’sher!”sheconfirmed.“Iknewyou’drememberher.Doyouwanttopether?”
“I…”Reallydidn’t.“Sure.Maybeinalittlewhile.Yogashouldbeabouttostart.”
“Ohwait,youknowwhat?Icanleaveherherewithyou,youcandoyogatogether.Andafteryou’redone,I’llbebacksowecanhangout.”Iwatchedhereyesshifttoaspottomyright.Herexpressionchanged.“Hi,CoachCamelback,I’dalsoinviteyoutohangbutyoudon’tpassthevibecheck.Youcouldhangoutwithmybrother,Tony,though,he’snotcool.”
Ihadtopressmylipstosuppressasnort.
“Thanks,María,”Camdrawled.
“María?”Josiesaidfromthefrontofthegroup.“Iloveyou,honey,butyouknowtherulesandGOGHHisabouttostart.So…”
“Sorry,MissJosie!”Maríaturnedaround,allthatmessydarkhairbouncingwiththemotion.“Seeyoulater,MissAdalyn,”shesaidoverhershoulder.“TakecareofBrandyforme!Oh,anddon’tmakesupersuddennoises?Theyfreakheroutandshestartspoopingallovertheplace!”
Myeyeswidenedatthatlastpieceofinformation.
ThegoatbleatedinwhatIinterpretedasconfirmation.
Ilookeddown,findingherslit-shapedeyesdirectedatme.“That’s,um,okay.Brandy.”Shetookastepmyway,andIforcedmyselftosmileatherincaseshecouldsensemyenergy.Isoftenedmyvoice.“Wewillbefine.Nofreakingout,okay?”
Asnortcamefrommyright.AndwhenIglancedinthedirectionofthesoundIfoundCameron—andhisstupidskintightthermal—withhiseyebrowsup.Mysmilefell.
“Sothatreallyisyoursmile,”hesaid,shiftinghisgazeforward.Heliftedhisarms,stretchingthelengthofhisbodyandbringingmyattentiontonewmusclesthatwerebeingdelineatedbythefabricofhisshirt.Iswallowed.“Yeah,nowonder.”
Makinganefforttoripmyeyesoffhischest,Isettledthemonhis…leftear.“Nowonderwhat?There’snothingwrongwithmysmile.”IreturnedmyattentiontoJosie,whowasleadingthegroupthroughastretch.“IwassmilingforBrandy,notyou.Andshelikeditjustfine.”
“Isn’tBrandyblind?”heasked.
Mycheeksflushed.ButIliftedmyarmsintheair,drawinganarchintheair,justlikeJosiewasdoing.IwasgoingtoignoreCameronandbemybest-behavedself.Civil.Calm.Athrough-and-throughGOGHHlover.I’dneverdoneyoga,buthowhardcoulditbe?
“Allright,guys,”Josie’scalmingandcommandingvoicesneakedintomyearsfromherpostatthefrontofthegroup.“Iwantyoutoinhale…”Shetrailedoff,takinginaloudandnoisybreaththroughhernoseassheliftedherarmsupinagracefulmotion.“Andnow…exhale.”Shereleasedbotharmswithherbreath,lettingthemdrawaperfectsemicircleintheairastheyfell.“Andwefoldforward.”
Igapedaseveryonefollowedalong,headsandtorsosdisappearingfrommysight.DianeandGabrielandsomeoftheteam’sotherparentswerehere.Theyallhadtheirhandsontheirmats.IncludingCameron.
Yes.CameronCaldani,whowasasix-foot-twomountainofleanandfirm-lookingmuscle.
Igaveitashotand…myfingersdidn’tevenreachmyankles.
Okay.Maybeyogawasgoingtobealittlehard.
Josieclearedherthroat,catchingmyattention.Shesmiled,givingmeanencouragingnodassheguidedthegroupthroughathirdrepeatofthesameexercise.Ilookeddownatmylegs,bendingmykneesafewtimes,asifdoubtingtheflexibilityoftheleggings.Iloweredmyself,archingmybackagain.But…itdidn’tfeelright.Musclespulledinthewrongplaces.Like…myears.Ormybutt.
Icranedmyneck,myeyesunfortunatelylandingonCameron,whowasnowupright.Justlikeeveryoneelse.Isprungup.
Josiemovedontoanewstretch,andonemoretime,Iwasincapableoffollowing.Iletoutaloudsighoffrustration,andBrandy,whohadcampedatthefootofmymat,bleated.Igaveheranapologeticlook.“Justalittlefrustration.Noneedtogetanxious,okay?”
JustasifI’ddevelopedsomenewanduselesssixthsense,IfeltCameron’seyesonmyprofile.
Moodplummeting,Iturnedmyhead,andjustlikeIhadknown,thosetwodeepgreeneyeswereonme.Intently.KeenlyappraisingallthewaysIwasdoingthiswrong.Itwasimpressive,really,theabilityofthismantodothatwhilehisheadhungsolowbetweenhislegs.
Contrarytome,themanwasflexible.Andthatpositioninparticularwasmakingeverysinglemuscleonhislegsandarmsstretchandflexand…pop.Somuchthatitwasimpossiblenottostare.Biceps,triceps,quadriceps,calves,evenhisassasitstuckoutintheair.Itwasaflexed-muscle-fest,andthatstupidthermalhewaswearinghadnobusinessbeingsotight.
Myfaceshouldn’thavebeenfeelingsowarm,either.I—
Cameron’seyesmetmineagain,andIcastmygazeaway.
WhatintheworldwasIdoingoglinghimlikethat?
IrefocusedonJosie’svoiceasittransitionedfromwhateverposethathadbeentosomethingthatsoundedlikesomeSlavicdessert.Parlova?Pablova?Ididn’tknow,butIliftedanarm,flexedaknee,andlookeddown,tryingmybesttomimicJosie’sstance.JustasIwasonmywaytodoaveryawkwardversionoftheParlovskana—whichincludedastrangelegflex—somethingranintomyside.
ThelegsupportingmyweightwaskickedfromundermeandIwasknockedover.
Almost.Becausehandsclosedaroundthetopofmyarms,securingmeupright.
Andthankstothegruntreachingmyears,Ididn’tneedasixthsensetoknowwhothoselargeandwarmpalmsbelongedto.
“Bloodygoats,”Camerongrumbled,hisholdshiftingupandengulfingmyshoulders.
Iglanceddown,findingBrandyatmyfeet.“AndhereIthoughtyouwereonmyside,Brandy.”
Theblindgoatnudgedmylegagain,andIfeltCameron’sgriptighten.
Curiousaboutthatreactionprecededbythebloodygoats,Ilookedovermyshoulder,findinghisfacerightthere.SoclosethatIcouldseetheslightwrinklesaroundhiseyes.Thespecksofbrowninthegreenofhiseyes.Thesmooth-lookingtextureofhisskin.Anunsolicitedwaveofwarmthclimbedupmyneck.Cameron’shandsdropped.
“Listentothegoats,”Josiesaid,suddenlyinfrontofus.“Theyareheretohelp,andBrandywastryingtotellyousomething.Probablythatyoushouldn’tgiveup.”Sheplacedherhandbehindherear.“What’sthat,Brandy?Ohyes.Brandywantsyoutogivethisyourbestshot.”
IblinkedatJosie.“I’lltry?”
“Don’tactsoshocked,”themanslightlybehindpointedoutinadrytone.“Youweretalkingtothegoataminuteago.”
Josie’sgazeshiftedtohim.“Shewantsyoutotryyourbest,too,youknow?”Shetiltedherhead.“Hmm.Youlooktense,Cam.WouldyoufeelbetterifIgotasecondgoattocomeoverhere?”
“No.”
Ifrownedatthecurtanddirectanswer.Wasit…WasitpossiblethatCamerondidn’tlikethegoats?“Well,IthinkIwouldloveanothergoat,”Iheardmyselfsay.“Maybeevenafewmore.”
BeforeIcouldgetareactionfromCameron,someonefromthebackofthegrouppipedup.“Josie,honey?Canweswitchpositions?”Diane’svoicewasstrained.“We’vebeenholdingCrescentLungeforsolongIthinkGabrielisabouttopullamuscleinhisback.”
Josie’seyeswidened.“Sorry,Diane!”shecalled.Andthen,shesnappedintoaction.“Okay,youtwo—orthree,”shesaid,pointingatBrandy,too,“arestallingtheclass.”Shewalkedaroundme,andnextthingIknewCameron’shandswereonmyshouldersagain.Thewarmthreturnedtomyface.“Andyou,mydearAdalyn,arestruggling,”Josiepointedout.
“Ihaveitundercontrol,”Icomplained.“Idon’tneedaprivatelesson.Orhim.Orhishandsonme.”
Camerongrumbledsomething.
Josie’sgrinturnedtight.“I’mnotdrivingGabrieltotheERagain.GOGGHisgoingtogosmoothlyandwithoutahitchtoday.So,Cam”—sheshiftedhergazebehindme—“stoplookinglikeyou’resuckingonalemonandhelpher.Youclearlyknowwhatyou’redoing.”
“But—”Itriedagain.
“Nobuts.”Josie’sexpressionmorphed,givingherastrangelythreateninglookforsomeonewhowaswearingayogasetinneonpink.Sheturnedaroundandsaidinthatsoothingvoicefromearlier,“Aaaaaaaaand,warriorposition!”
Cameronreleasedadeep,loudbreath.
OnethatIfeltrightatthebackofmyneck.
Iswallowed,suddenlyhyperawareofhowclosehewasstanding.Oftheweightofhishands.Ofthewarmthofhisbody.Ofwhatwewereabouttodo.Together.
“Ihopeyou’rehappy,”hemuttered.Andthepalmthatbeenlimplyrestingonmyshoulderflexed,wrappingaroundmyshoulderbladewithclearintention.Hewasguidingmethroughthis.
“Whatdoyoumean?”Iaskeddistractedly,feelinghowhisthumbswipedalongamusclethathadbeenbunchedupwithtension.
Isensedhimstepcloser.“Teambonding,”heexplained,thewordsreachingmeinamurmur.“Yousetmeup,Adalyn.Afteryouforcedmyhand.”Apause.“YouevenrecruitedJosephine.”
“Ididn’trecruither,”Iletoutinashakybreath.“ThisisallJosie’sdoing.”
Histhumbswipedagain,asiftryingtoloosenmeup,andarushofelectricityraceddownmyspine.“Soyou’resayingyoudidn’tplantovolunteermeforthis?”heasked,mywholebodygrowingwarm.Warmer.Asifafurnacehadbeenflippedonbeneathmyskin.“Youjusthappenedtotakemedownwithyou?”
Isteadiedmyself.Hewasdistractingme,baitingme,andIwasnotallowingthat.IwasnotbeingknockedoverbyCameronCaldani.LeavingthistownwithoutmysuccessstoryoftheGreenWarriorswasn’tanoption.MostlybecauseIdidn’tthinkI’deverbeabletoreturntotheFlameswithoutit.
“Canwejust…getthroughthis?”Iclosedmyeyes,focusedonthepressureofhispalm,andnothiswords.Onhisfingers,astheysliddownoneofmyarmsinwhatfeltlikeanunnecessarilyslowpace.Theyendedatmywrist,curlingarounditinagentlebutswiftmotion.
“Armupandinastraightline,”Cameronindicated,hisvoicenowfallingrightagainsttheshellofmyear.Ashivercrawleddownmyspine,andIhadtomakeaseriousefforttofollowhiscommand.“That’lldo,”hesaid.AndbeforeIcouldcomplainaboutthebackhandedcompliment,hisfingerswerecurlingaroundmyotherwrist.Sidetrackingmywords.Thistime,itwashimwholiftedmylimplimb.
Ireleasedastrangeexhale.
“Keepthemupforme.”Cameron’svoicecameagain,histonefocused,deliberate,notatraceofreluctancethere.Iswallowed.“Holdrightthere.”Iheld.“Beautiful.”
Beautiful
“I…”Didn’tlikethis.Orhowthatwordhadmademefeeljustnow.Howhewasmakingmefeel.“Onsecondthought,IthinkIcandoallofthisonmyown.”
Cameronsighedforcefully,andthepuffofairleavinghislipshitmyskin.Ashivercrawleddownmyspine.“Youneedme.”
Outrageblossomedinmystomach.AndIwasgladforthechange.ThisIcouldprocess.This—
Hishandslandedonmywaist.
AndifI’dthoughthispalmshadengulfedmyshouldersbefore,ifI’dthoughthistouchhadbeenoverwhelmingwhenithadbeenonmywrists,that’sbecauseIhadn’tfelthishandswheretheywererightnow.Thosefingersthathadenduredmoreblowsandcracksthanmostreachedthebottompartofmyribcage,thewarmthofhisskinmakingmytopfeelsuddenlytoothin.
Cameronmaneuveredme,rotatingmytorso.AndIfeltmyselfgostiff.Tense.Thefabricseparatinghishandsfrommyskinstickingtome,asifmeltingunderhistouch.Orperhapsitwasmyownsweat.God,whywasIsweatingsomuch?
“I…”Iblurtedout.“I’malittlewarm,sorry.”
“Youthinkalittlesweatwillscareme?”hedrawled,makingmystomachdropforsomeunfathomablereason.“Postureiswrong,”hecontinued.“It’syourhips.”Onepalmmovedalongmyhipbone.“Yourtorsoneedstocomedownslightly.”
“How?”Icroaked.Ididn’tthinkIknewhowtofunctiononmyown.
Youneedme.
Cameron’shandsreadjustedaroundmybody,oneclimbingupmysideandtheotherclaspingfirmlyaroundmywaist.Hepusheddown.
ButIwassocaughtupinthewayIcouldfeelthetipsofhisfingerscreatingtenpressurepointsonmyskin,makingittingle,flush,buzz.
“You’reasstiffasastick,darling,”hegrumbled.“Relaxforme.”
Stiffasastick
Mythroatworked,thememoryofverysimilarwordsbeingsaidaboutmethrowingmeoff.Unawareofmyinnerstruggle,Cameron’sbodyshiftedbehindme,allowingmetofeeltheentirelengthofhisfrontonmyback.Chest,torso,thighs.Hewasrightthere.Rocksolid.Warm.Close.
“Spreadyourlegs,”hesaid.
Andwithoutasinglecoherentthoughtleftinmyhead,Ispreadmylegs.
Isensedhisheadcomingdown,andthenIheard,againstmyear,“Takeasteptothesideandplantyourfootfirmlyonthemat.”Somethingswitchedinme,releasingthecontroltohim,andImoved.Hispalmfellonthebackofmythighandwhenhesaid,“Flex,”Iflexed.
Hislongfingersstretched,wrappingaroundtheinsideofmyleg.Ipuffedoutabreath.
“Lockitin,”heordered.Andasmuchasmywholebodyseemedtoburn,andasmuchasthatspotontheinsideofmythighseemedtopulseunderhistouch,Idid.Ortried.
BecauseCameronhummedinwhatIinterpretedasdisapproval,andinaswiftmotion,oneofhisarmswasaroundmywaist,andhisfootwasshovingoneofmineout,wideningmystance.Themotionbroughtmerightagainsthim.Hislap.Andhegrunted,“Hold.”
Iheld.
“Beautiful,”herepeated,thewordfallingrightbetweenmyearandmyneck.“Goodjob.”
Beautiful.Goodjob.
Mystomachflippedatthepraise.
Somethingrightinthemiddleofmybellyswirled.Allthebloodinmyfaceseemedtoswooshdownbeforebouncingrightbackup.
Whatwashappening?Whatwasgoingon?Whywerethreeveryordinarywordsmakingmefeelthisway?
AstrangesoundleftCameron,andIthoughttherewasachanceIhadpassedout,rightthereandthen,againstCameron’slap.BecauseIdidn’tthinkIcouldtuneinJosie’svoiceanymore.Orlistentothebabygoatsbleating.OrBrandy.Orthesun,thebarn,thevastnessoftheVasquezes’farm,orthefactIwassurroundedbyhillsandhadleftMiamiforGreenOak.Iwasonsensoryoverload
AllIcouldfeelwasCameron.
AndIcouldn’trecallasingletime,asingleinstanceinmylife,whenI’dfeltlikethis.JustlikewhenI’dtriedtorememberthelasttimeI’dcried,Icouldn’tpinpointaspecificmomentintimewhenI’dbeenthisovercomebyaman’stouch.WhenI’dbeenthis…hot.
Thissinglehandedlyaroused.
I’dneversleptaround,butI’dbeenwithtwomenbeforeDavid.Three,countinghim.I’dthoughtI’dbeentouchedenoughtoknowwhatphysicaltouchwas.
Iwasapparentlywrong.
Becausenothing,notonetouchorbrushorcaressormomentofintimacy,hadfeltlikethis.LikeCameron’shandsfeltonmybody—evenovermyclothes.Likehischestandthighspressingbehindmine.Likehisarmsengulfingmysides.Andthiswasn’tevensexual.Thiswasyoga.Withfarmanimals.Themanwasn’ttryingtoarouseme.Hedidn’tevenlikeme.
God.
HadIfooledmyselfintobelievingthatwhatI’dexperiencedinthepastwasthenorm?ThatthedispassionI’dfeltwhenDavidtouchedmewasokay?OrhadIbeenalonefortoolongafterhim?Jesus.HadIneglectedmybodysomuchthatnowitwasjumpingatthechancetobetouched?ByamanIcouldhardlytalktowithoutlockinghorns?
Cameron’shandsguidedmeintothenextposition.Iwasn’tsure.Icouldn’tbe,frankly.Myheadwaschaos.Confusion.Andwhenmycheststartedtofeeltight,onethoughtsolidified.Ihadtobetheproblemhere.Cameroncouldn’tbefeelinganyofthis.Iwasstiffasapoker.
Frigid,boring,andforgettable.Dodgedabullet
“Takeadeepbreath,darling,”Cameronsaid,makingmerealizeIwasgaspingforair,andithadnothingtodowiththeworkout.“Adalyn,”hisvoicecameagain,morefirmly.“Focusonyourbreathing.”Hisbodywasstillwrappedaroundme,hiswarmthsomehowfeelingliketoomuch.Butnotenough.Whatwaswrongwithme?“Inandout,darling.”Whathadtobehispalmfellonmycollarbone,firm,heavy,providingaphysicaltieIcouldfocuson.“That’sit,justlikethat.”
Myribcageexpandedathiswords,theaircominginandoutmoreeasily.
“Goodjob,”hemurmured,mybreathinggraduallyreturningtonormal.Mymindslowlyslippedbackintoplace.“Welldone.”
WhenIstartedfeelingmorelikemyself,Iglancedaround,searchingthegroupandexpectingtofindeveryheadturned.Eventhegoats.Butnoonewaslooking.Everyonewasfocusedontheirownpractice,andBrandywasnowrestingonmymat.Closetoourfeet.Cameron’sfeet.
“Thegoat,”Irushedout,feelingtheneedtoissuethewarning.Hedidn’tlikethem.
Cameron’sbodytensedbehindmine,justlikeithadeverytimeoneofthefurryanimalshadcomeclosetohim.Hisfingersspread,grazingthebaseofmyneck.Andwhenhespoke,Icouldhearthestraininhisvoice.“It’sjustagoat.”
Islippedoutofhishold,pretendingIwasfrustratedathisblatantdenial.Iwasn’t.WhatIwaswasembarrassed.ByCameron,ofallpeople,witnessingsuchamomentofweaknessonmyside.ByhimhavingtoremindmehowtobreathebecauseI’dbeentoolostinmyheadover—nothing.
“You’rescaredofthem,”Itoldhim,whirlingaroundtofacehim.Thegreenofhiseyeswasdark,hisfeatureshard,andhisstancetense.Isteppedback.“You’rescaredofthegoats.”
Thiswasn’timportant.Ididn’tevencarewhetherhehadsomestrangeanimalphobia.ApartofmeIwastryingreallyhardtoignoreevensoftenedattheknowledge.Iwasdeflecting,though.
AndCameronseemedtoseerightthroughme.“We’reallafraidofsomethinginthislife,darling,”hesaid.“Thelittlefreak-outyou’vejusthadisevidenceofthat.”Amuscleonhisjawticked.“It’sonlyamatteroftimeuntilIfindout.”
Findoutaboutwhat?Iwantedtoask.
ButCameronCaldaniwasleavingmymatandwalkingbacktohis.
Stormingoffinawayandleavingmewithtoomuchtothinkabout.
Onemoretime.CHAPTERTHIRTEEN
Cameron
CoachingtheGreenWarriorswasn’tgoingtobethewalkintheparkithadbeenuntilnow.
Ithadnothingtodowiththegirls.Practicehadbeenwhatyouwouldexpectfromagroupofkidsundertheageoften:chaoswiththeoccasionalmomentofpureandsheerdesperationandapinchofmadness.
Theproblemwasthenewgeneralmanager,asshelovedtocallherself.
Iwatchedthelasttwogirlswalkoffinthedirectionoftheirparents—andDiane,whohadonceagainkeptwatchfromhercarallduringpractice—andwhirledonmyheels,immediatelyspottingthewomancampingoutonthebleachers.I’dassumedlastThursdayhadbeenaone-timeoccurrence.Butthereshewasagain.
Witharesignedshakeofmyhead,IstartedinherdirectionandwatchedAdalynwhileIcrossedtheshoddygrasswithlongandquickstrides.Herlaptopwasbalancedonherknees,andshewasleaningslightlyforward,engrossedbywhateverwasonthescreen.Myeyesfollowedthelineofhershouldersandarms,takinginthepressedbutton-downblouse.She’dtakenofftheblazeratsomepointbetweenmegivinguponteachingthegirlsthesimplestwaytodribbletheballandgettingJuniper—ourkeeper—tolearnhowtodivefortheballsoshewouldn’thurtherself.I’dmanagedneither.
MygazetippeddownasIgotcloser,irritationrisingatthesightofthosebloodyheelsagain.Itboggledmymindthatsheconsistentlymovedinthosethingsinatownwhere,besidesMainStreet,mostroadsweren’tevenpaved.She’devencometothatgoatyogahappyhournonsenseinthem.Inaheartbeat,IwasthrustedbacktoSunday.ToAdalyn,inthoseleggings.Thetanktop.Tothewarmthofherbodybeneathmyfingertips.Tohow—
Somethingrippledinmygutattheunfinishedthought,andwhenIfinallyreachedherIcouldn’tstopthewordsfromtakingshapeinthewaytheydid.“Whyareyouhere?”
Here.InGreenOak.Myhead.
Sheseemedmoresurprisedbymybeingtherethanbymyquestionwhenthatlittlefrownformed.“WhereelseshouldIbe?Thefacilitiesdon’thaveanofficewhereIcansetup.Sothebleachersseemedlikethebestplace.”Herfingersslidacrossthemousepadafewtimes.“Myhotspotisn’tworkingtoday,doyougetgoodreceptionhere?”Shelookedaround,asifsearchingforsomething.“MaybetomorrowIcantrytheothersideofthefield.”
“Soyoureallymeantositherethrougheverysinglepractice?”
“Ofcourse,”sheconfirmed.Asifthatwastheobviousthingtodo.AndbeforeIcouldsayhowIfeltaboutit,shewasswitchingtopics.“Howdoyoufeelpracticewenttoday?Iwasthinkingweshouldhaveaweeklymeetingtoevaluatehowthingsprogress.I’llprintafewcopiesoftherostersowecanmakenotesoneveryplayertodeveloptheirstrengthsandassesstheirweaknesses.”Shepulledabluebinderoutofherbag.“Here,takethishome,incaseyouwanttogetahead.Josiegavemesomeprintoutsonmyfirstday.Iwentaheadandfiledthem.WhatdoyouthinkofWednesdays?There’spracticeonMondays,Wednesdays,andThursdays,somiddleoftheweekmakesthemostsense.”
Iblinkedslowly.“Wedon’tneedmeetings.They’rejustkids.”
“Theyare.”Shenodded,stillholdingthebinderintheair.“Andtheyalsoarequalifiedforaregionallittleleaguethatwillbestartinginlessthanaweek.”Herlipspursed.“DidyouknowtheonlyreasontheGreenWarriorsmadeitthroughisbecausethey’retheonlyU10teaminthewholecounty?”
No.Ihadn’tknown.“Theystillarejustkids.”
“Wednesdaysitis,”shesaid.“FirstgameisonSaturday.Ithinkwecanusethechancetoseehowtheydoandtakeitfromhere.Acopyofthegamescheduleisinthebinder,too.”Iopenedmymouth,butshewenton.“Theywillbeplayingfiveothertownsintheupcomingweeks.Grovesville,Rockstone,Fairhill,YellowSprings,andNewMount.Theorganizationoftheleagueisfunny,actually.It’spoint-basedbuttheteamsonlyplayeachotheronce.Thetwothatendatthetopwillgettothefinal.”
Iglanceddownatherhand.“Areyoureallyexplainingtomehowaleagueworks?”
“Isaiditwasastrangestructure.”ShepushedthebinderinmydirectionandwhenIdidn’ttakeitfromher,shedroppedherarmandletitrestonherlap.“You’regoingtomakethisharderthanitshouldbe,aren’tyou?”
“Me?”Mybrowswrinkled.“YouthinkIamtheonecomplicatingthis.”
“IguessIdeservethat,”Adalynmurmured,reachingforherbag.Somethingstirredinmygutattheslighttoneofdefeatinhervoice.Shepulledoutasecondbinder.Thisonewasred.“Saturday’sgameisagainsttheGrovesvilleBears.”
Oncemore,IwasmorethanalittleimpressedbythewayshepushedthroughwhatIthrewather.Ididn’tthinkshedeservedit,butIstilldidn’tlikethatshewashere,inGreenOak,suckingmeintohervortex.ShemovedtoherbagagainandpulledoutaPost-itstack.Itiltedmyhead.“Whatdoyouhaveinthere,aprintshop?”
“Close,”shesaiddryly.“IwentaheadandresearchedeveryteamandtownplayingtheSixHills,”sheadded,scribblingsomethingonastickynoteandplasteringittooneofthepagesinsidethebinder.“Therewasn’tmuchbuteverythingIfoundishere.”Shelookedupandmetmygaze.“Itwouldbegreatifyoucouldgothroughwhat’sinhereabouttheGrovesvilleBearsbeforeourmeetingonWednesday.Youhaveaboutadayandahalf.I’vejustmarkeditforyou.”
Istaredather,thatsetofbrowneyeswaiting,expectingaconfirmationorapromisethatIwould,ifIhadtoguess.Butwithherhairupinatightbun,itwashardnottogetdistractedbyallthatwearytirednessclingingtoherfeatures.
Thequestiontoppledoffmylips,“Areyougettinganysleepontheairmattress?”
Hereyelidssweptupanddownacoupleoftimes.Slowly.Sheshookherhead.“ThisSaturdayisahomegamefortheGreenWarriors,”shesaid.“Dependingontheoutcome,I’llpitchyoumypressangles.ButfirstIneedtoseehowwelltheGreenWarriorscando.”
Mywholebodywentalertatthementionofpress.
Adalynmusthaveseenthat,becausesheexplained,“MyfocusisonthegirlsandthesuccessstoryI’mheretomakehappen.”Shemadeacarefulpause.“Yourfocusshouldbeongettingthemthepointsthatlandtheminthefinal.”Anothermomentofhesitation.“YouwinthegamesandI’llkeepyououtofmyangle.That’sallIask.”
Thatwasallsheasked?Asifshehadn’taskedenoughalready.
Andyet…Therewasthatmomentofhesitation.Ittoldmeshewasmorebarkthanbite.
Theredbinderwaspushedagainstmychest.Ididn’ttakeit.
“Okay,”shemurmured,standingupsuddenly.Thankstothedifferenceinheightofthestandshewason,herchestlinedupwithmygaze.“Don’ttakethebinder,then,”shecontinued,herbreastsrisingandfallingwithadeepbreath.Myjawclampeddownatthetrailofmemoriestriggeredbythatsight.Sunday.Yoga.Myhandsonher.Softnessandwarmthundermyfingers.Mypalmonthatexactspotonherchestasshe’dstruggledforair.Herhandflewtooneofthetinybuttonsofherblouse,returningmetothepresent.“Iguessweshouldwrapuphere.”
“Please,”Ibreathedout,mygazelockedonthebuttonasshefumbledwithit.
Neitherofusmadetheattempttoleave.
“Oh,”Adalynstarted,hervoicedistractedandthepadofherthumbtogglingwiththetinything,twistingitsidetoside.“Haveyouseentheuniforms,bytheway?Takingcareofthenewonesisuponmyprioritylist,butIdon’tthinkthey’llbereadyforthegamethisweek.”Apause.Herthumbstopped.IfeltmyAdam’sapplebob.“Josiesaidwewerecoveredfornow,whateverthatmeans,butsomethingtellsmeweshouldcheckthembeforeSaturday.”
Adalyn’shanddroppedtoherside,leavingthatonebuttoncrookedtooneside.Sheinhaleddeeplyandherchestswayedagain,testingtheresistanceoftheslit.Anunwarrantedthoughtpoppedupinmyhead.WhatkindofunderweardidawomanlikeAdalynReyeshideundersuchanadeptandprimfa?ade?Didshewearlingerieorwasherunderwearjustasproperanddecorousastheoutershell?
Mygazedippeddown,asiftryingtodiscernthelinesthroughallthatthinandsoft-lookingfabricandgettingalittlelostonthedipofhercurves.Breasts.Waist.I’dhadmyhandsthere,onthatexactspotonherwaist.Iknewhowsoft—
“Cameron?”
Iglancedup,returningmyeyestoherface.
Jesusfuck.
WhatinGod’sname?
“Ihaven’tseentheuniforms,”Itoldher.“WecanaskJosieaboutthemtomorrow.”
“ButIjustsaid—”
“I’dliketoheadhome.Rest.”ItwasobviousIneededafuckingnightofsleeptoclearmyhead.
“Ifwemust,”shesaid,startingtogatherherthingstogether.“Let’scontinuethistomorrow.There’ssomuchonmyto-dolistthatwehaven’tevenbroached.”
Ofcoursetherewas.“Nowondertheyshippedyouoffhere,”Iheardmyselfmutterundermybreath.
Adalyn’sexpressionmorphedatmywords.Therewasanewemotiontherenow.Onethatmademygoddamnstomachshift.Shepressedeverythingshe’dbeenholdinginherarmsagainstherchestwithajerkyfrustratedmotionandturnedherbodytotheside.OutofsomestrangeandunexpectedurgetoexplainmyselfImoved,too,pushinghertowalkaroundmetoclimbdownthestand.
Ihuffedather,andshehuffedatmerightback.
“Adalyn—”
ButAdalynwasintentonavoidingmeandgettingawayfrommeassoonaspossible.Thingwas,thosegoddamnshoesofhersdidn’tseemtoaidinherquest,becauseonesecond,shewasuprightandthenext,shewasplummetingdown.
Cursingundermybreath,Ilungedforher.Armsoutstretched,IplacedmybodysoIcouldintercepthernowfreefall.Shecrashedagainstmychestwithalittleyelp,andallIcoulddowassecureheragainstmeandsay,“Igotyou.”Ishiftedmyarms,mypalmsclaspinghersides.“You’reokay.”
Adalynmurmuredsomethinginresponse,butIwastoodistractedbythewaveofreliefcoursingthroughmetoknowwhat.Herscentwasalsosneakingintomylungs,thesimple—butdefinitelynotplain—wayshesmelledoverpoweringme.I’donlycaughthintsofitduringyoga.ButnowitwasallIcouldsmell.Itwasclean,fresh,andsofuckingsweetitfeltlikeablowtomyface.Likecottonleftinthesuninalavenderfield.
Fuck.Iwasreallylosingit.
“I’mfine,”Iheardhersaymoreclearly.“Ithinkyoucanletgoofme.”
Mythroatworked,swallowinghardbeforeIcouldreleaseher.Isteppedback,feelingmyhandspricklingwhentheyfelltomysides.Iflexedthem.ThenImethergaze,findingthebrowninhereyesdazed.Hercheeksflushed.
“Thosefuckingheels,”Isaid,hearingtheharshnessinmyvoice.Herbrowswrinkled.“You’regoingtobreakyourbloodyneckoneofthesegoddamndays.”
Adalynblinkedafewtimes,thenshookherhead.Thedazedlookdisappearedfromherface.“Doyoureallyneedtotalklikesuchawalkingstereotype?”Sheloweredhervoiceinwhathadtobeanattemptatimitatingmytone.“Thosebloodyheels,mate.Bollocks,innit?I’mchuffedtobits!Fancyacuppa?”Ahufflefther.“Ifyoutellmeyoustopyourdayatfivetohavetea,andkeepatweedflatcapinadrawersomewhere,IswearI’mgoingtolosemyever-lovingmind.”
Istaredather.
Foralongtime.Then,Ibarkedoutalaugh.
Itwasloudandboisterous,andIwasprettysureIhadn’tlaughedlikethatinalonggoddamntime.
Adalynrolledhereyes.“Youhavethatflatcap,don’tyou?”
“Ido,”Iconfirmedwithanod.“ButIwasraisedwithanItaliannonna,darling.SoI’lltakeagoodespressooveracupofteaanydayoftheweek.”
“Notyourdarling.”Adalynreleasedabreath.“AndIguessIshouldn’tbesurprised.YoureallyhaveacaffeineaddictionfromwhatI’veseen,”sheaddedinaserioustone,butIcouldseethecornersofherlipsbendingslightlyupward.
Iwonderedhowhersmilelooked.Herrealone.
Imademyselflooksomewhereelse,myeyeslandingonherchest.ThebuttonI’dbeensopreoccupiedwithmomentsearlierhadcomeundone.Anditallowedmeaglimpseatthefabricofherbra.
Itlookedlikesatin.Lavender.
Christ.
Myeyelidsflutteredshut,outofpuresurvival.Ieventurnedmybodytofaceaway.SearchingforsomethingelsetolookatandfocusingonthefirstthingIfound.Theshed.Whichstillwasinastateofcompletedisarray.
ExactlyhowIfelt.CHAPTERFOURTEEN
Adalyn
Thiswasit.Iwasdone.Ireallywas.
IletthescrewdriverI’dboughtatCheapMoe’sfalltothefloorandabsentlywipedmyhandsonmylegs,leavingtwintrailsofdirtonthefabricofmyleggings.Ilookedatmytanktop.Alsofilthy.
“Great,”Iwhispered.“Thisisjustgreat.”
Notonlydidthepartsofthismonstrosityofabedseemtobeheldtogetherbysomekindofsuperpowerfuldarkmagic,butnowIwascoveredindirtandsweatandI’druinedtheonlycasualitemsofclothingIhad.
Grabbingmysandwichandfruitsaladfromthekitchenette’scounter,Ituckedmyphoneunderanarm,walkedouttothesadandgrislyporchthatconsistedofasinglestep,andploppeddown.Somethingsharpprickedmyass,butIfeltsohelplessinthatmoment,sodone,thatIdidn’tevenbothermoving.Theleggingsweredirtyanyway.Anditwasn’tlikeIcoulddroptheminthewasherbecause,turnedout,therewasn’toneinthecottage,sowhatever.
Sowhatever.Ididn’trecognizemyself.
Withasigh,IunwrappedmydinnerandlookedaheadasIchewedonthesandwich.Icontemplatedwhatwassupposedtobethepeacefulandbeautifulexpanseofnaturebeforeme,andsawthisplaceforwhatitwas.Afewhills.Abunchoftrees.Anuglycabin.Achipofrottenwoodundermyass.
Agustofwindpickedup,makingmecurlmylegsclosertomychest.Itookanewbite,recountingthewinterclothesI’dpacked:zero.Ididn’tevenownmorethantheonewinterjacketthatIhadn’tusedin…years.WhichwasoneofthethingsIlovedaboutMiami.
Ishookmyhead,decidingnottothinkaboutthat.I’dmakedowithwhatIhad.ThenightsandearlymorningsweregrowingcoldthecloserwegottoOctoberbutit’dbefine.I’dhavetobefine.
Myphonepingedwithamessage,providingawelcomedistraction,soIshiftedmysandwichtomylefthandandheldthedeviceup.
MATTHEW:Badnews.
AlarmsurgedinmybellyasItypedmyanswer.I’dtalkedtoMatthewonSundaynight,butbesidesprovidinghimwithagoodlaughattheimageofme,doingyoga—withgoats,andwithoutCameron,whoIstillhadn’tmentionedtoMatthew—therehadn’tbeenanydevelopmentsonthe#sparklesgatefront.
ADALYN:ItmustbereallybadifI’mnotgettingagoatgif.
MATTHEW:Itkindofis.
Alinkfollowedthat.Itappedonitwithmythumb,andIwasredirectedtothesiteofanenergydrink.Ididn’trecognizethebrand,soIscrolleddown,wonderingifhe’dsentmetherightthing.
That’swhentheanimationkickedin.
Acolorfulcanrolledin,asloganflashingunderneathitinboldletters:CHOOSEENTERTAINMENTOVERDIGNITY.Thecanshookthen,trembled,asifabouttoburst,andpoof,somethingmaterializedatthefront.
Withadisbelievingblink,Istaredatthelogothathadjustbeenstampedonthecontainer.
Itwasasimpleillustration,buteventhatwayitwasimpossibletomissthesimilarities.IknewwhatIwasseeing.Irecognizedit.Bynow,IhadwatchedtheclipsomanytimesthatIcouldprobablysummonmyface,jawunlockedandexpressionunhinged,ifIclosedmyeyes.
ItwasmyLadyBirdinatorface.
Andturnedout,Iwasonacan.
Dreadandshockswirledinsideme,makingthefewbitesofturkeyI’dtakenturnsour.
MATTHEW:I’vedonesomeresearch.It’sanewenergydrinkcompany.Prettysmall.Vegan.Miamibased.TargetingGenZforthemostpart.Theyhavebeenverysmartaboutit.Youwouldn’tmaketheconnectionifyouhaven’twatchedthevideo.But…
ADALYN:Butmillionsofpeoplehaveseenit.
MATTHEW:I’msorry.
AwaveofnauseahitmestraightinthegutatthatI’msorry.Ididn’twantanybody’spity.NotevenMatthew’s.Becausethat…Thatmadeitallworse.Iswallowed,tryingtopushdowneverythingthatwasbubblingupinmythroat.
MATTHEW:Youthinkyoucansue?
ADALYN:I’lltalktomyfather.I’msurehe’salreadyseenitandistakinglegalactiontoprotectthefranchise.
MATTHEW:I’mmoreconcernedaboutyou.
ADALYN:I’mpartofthefranchise.
Istaredatmyownwords,thatsensationinmychestintensifying.ButIwasstillpartofit,wasn’tI?Iwashisdaughter,andemployee,asmuchasI’dbeentemporarilysuspendedfromaccesstomyaccountandbanished.Myfatherwouldprotectme.Iknewhe’ddonethatinthepast,Inowknewthathe’d—
Oneofthebushesacrossfrommemoved,capturingmyattention.
Itmovedagain,makingmenarrowmyeyes,andthen,beforeIcouldprepare,somethingchargedoutofthebushes.
Myphoneandsandwichwerestartledstraightoutofmyhands,andIevenheardmyselfyelpasIshutmyeyes,bracingmyselfforwhateverthatthingwas.Abear?Aravenousrabbit?I’dreadaboutseveralspeciesofrattlesnakesintheareathatweredeadly.Whateveritwas,itwouldn’tbeworsethanbeingclaimedastheimageofanenergydrinkwhosemarketingcampaignwasbasedonmydemiseandlackofdignity.
WhensecondstickedbyandIwasn’tattacked,Iopenedoneeye.
Thechickeninfrontofmeclucked.
“It’syou.You’reCameron’spet.”Thebirdbattedherwingsandstompedonmysandwich.“Hey.Thatwasmydinner,youknow?”
Herheadboppedforward,inthedirectionofthefood,asiftellingme,Nowit’smine
“Haveatit,then,”Irelented,carefullyleaningdowntopickupmyphoneandsittingbackontheporchstep.“Iguessit’sonlyfairaftertheotherday.”
Thethingclucked,scratchingatthefloor.
“Yeah,yeah.I’msorry,okay?”Isaidwithasigh.“Iwashavinganoddday.Orfine,maybeitwasmoreofabadweek.Actually,Idon’tthinkthestreakofbadluckisover.Iseemtobegoingthroughalongstringofbad.”
Cameron’spetchickenbobbedherheadbeforepeckingatthebread.
“I’mnotsureifachickenshouldbeeatingturkey,”Imurmuredwithafrown.“Itmustbesomesortofanimalcannibalism.”Thethingcontinued.“Youreggswillcomeout…strange.Probably.”
“It’sarooster,”adeepvoicesaidinthedistance.“Notahen.”
Andnaturally,justlikealways,myspinestraightenedinresponsetothatvoice.Mycheeksalsoflushed—arelativelynewdevelopment.
Cameron’sbootsmovedthegravelaroundashewalkedclosertome,makingmewonderifhe,too,hadcomeoutofthebushes.Hestoppedinfrontofme,andwhenIlookedupfromhisfeet,thefirstthingIsawwasthehumordancingineyes.
Thatwasalsonew.Cameronapparentlydidsomethingbesidesgrumblingandstormingoffplaces.Healsolaughed.
“Lookslikeachickentome,”Isaidfrommypostonmynotreallyaporch.
Mygazedipped,trailingdownhisbody.Anotherofthoseoutdoorsyfleeceshungoffhiswideshoulders,zippeduptohisthroat.Andhewasalsowearingapairofthosepantswithzippersandpocketshefavoredsomuch.Theyweredarkgrayandthefabricclungtohislegs.Hiswideandstrongthighs.WhichIseemedtobefixatedwith.
“It’sacock.”
Inearlychoked.“Sorry,what?”
Thetiniestofsmirkshidbeneathhisbeard.“Acock,”herepeated,andIstillblinked,feelingmywholefaceheat.“Notahen.Theshapeofthecombisadeadgiveaway.”Hepointedatthetopofhisheadwithoneofthoselargefingers.“Butwhenindoubt,roostersalsohavesickleandhacklefeathers.”Hepaused,pushinghishandsinsidethepocketsofhisjeans.“Hensdon’t.”
Oh.Oh?Iclearedmythroat.“Thanksforthepoultryanatomylesson,Attenborough.”
Cameron’slipstwitched.“He’salsonotmypet.”
Inarrowedmyeyes.“Wereyouspyingonme?Howlongwereyoustandingthere?”
Heshrugged.“Josiecametomewithsomeideasforacoop.Apparently,someonetoldherIhadapetchickenandshehasdecidedIshouldhaveabrood.”
Thethingcluckedandbattedhiswings,asifacknowledgingCameron’swords.
Iflinchedback.“Idon’tknowhowIfeelabouthavingmoreofthesearound.”
CameronclosedthedistancetowheretheroosterandIwere,thenkneeleddownandstartedpickingupthemangledremainsofmysandwich.
Irememberedhiswarningfromthemorninghe’dfoundmesleepinginmycarandfeltlikeIneededtoexplainmyself.“Iwasn’tfeedingitmydinner,bytheway.I’mnotstupid.Idroppeditwhen—”
“Iknow,”hesaid,confirminghe’dbeenthereenoughtime.“Youmightbealotofthings,butIdon’tthinkyou’restupid.”
IknewabackhandedcomplimentwhenIheardone.“Thanks.”
Cameronputthefoodleftovershe’dcollectedinsideoneofthepocketsofhispantsandthencheckedhiswatch.“Abitearlyfordinner,isn’tit?”
Yes.ButI’dbeenexhaustedfromunsuccessfullydisassemblingthatbedinordertoyassifythestupidcottage.AndI’dhadnothingelsetodo.TodaywasaTuesday,andwithoutpracticetooccupymyself…“Iwashungry.”
“Areyoualsoatoddler?”
Ishothimablandlook.“Don’tyouhaveanythingelsetodo?”
Cameronshiftedcloser,andbeforeIknewwhatwashappeningthatlargebodyofhiswasploppingdownbesideme,providingtheanswertomyquestion.
Mybreathcaughtatthesuddencloseness,justlikeitdidlastnight,whenhe’dcaughtmeintheairafterthatmiserabletrip.OrSunday,whenhishandshadbeenallovermybody.Becausethereitwas,hisscentagain.Therewasahintofperspirationinthere,asifhe’djustcomefromawalkormaybearun,buthestillmanagedtosmellso…good.Likeoutdoorsandmuskand—
Ishookmyhead.
SweatymenweresomethingthatIusuallyhadtomakemyselftolerate.Livewithandtrytoavoid.ThatwaswhyIneversetfootinsidethechangingroomsaftergamesorpracticeunlessextremelynecessary.
“How’stherenovationcomingalong?”
Gladforthedistraction,IthoughtbacktothemessIleftbehind.“It’sgoinggreat,”Ilied.IcaughtCamerongivingmeaninquisitivelookoverhisshoulderandIlookedaway.WasIflushed?Myfacefeltwarm.“HowdoyouknowI’mrenovating?”
“Theconstantscreechingcomingfromyourcottage,”heexplained,andIdidn’tmissthewayhesaidthewordcottage.“Thenthere’sthedustyou’recompletelycoveredin.”
Ifoughttheurgetotouchmyhair.Brushmyhandsovermytop.Iswallowed.“Youreallylovetocontinuouslycomplainaboutme,huh?”
Iglancedathimintimetoseehimshrug.“It’shardtofocusonanythingelse.”
Thewarmthcoveringmycheeksintensified.
“YouseemtobeeverywhereIturn.”
Right.“Well,”Isaid,willingmyexpressiontoremainasindifferentaspossible.“Luckilyforyouandyourverydelicateeardrums,I’mdonewiththerenovationuntilfurthernotice.”
Cameron’seyesroamedaroundmyface,makingme…self-conscious,exposed,foralotofreasonsIwasn’treadytopickapartatthatmoment.Ibroughtmykneesup,huggingthemtomychest.
“WhatareyoudoinginGreenOak,Adalyn?”
Iclaspedmyhandsovermyknees.“We’vealreadydiscussedthat.”
“Besidesthat,”hesaid,andhisvoicesoundedso…earnest,sounlikeanyoftheothertimeshe’dhuffedsomethingatme,thatIshiftedonthestep.Awayfromhim.AsifIneededthephysicaldistancetoproperlythink.“Whatareyoutryingtoprove?”
Istaredatthemansittingnothingbutahandfulofinchesawayfromme,surprisedbyhischoiceofwords.Thatwas…aloadedquestion.OnethatIdidn’tknowhowtoanswerwithoutgivingmyselfcompletelyaway.Becauseforsomebizarrereason,Camerondidn’tknowwhathadbroughtmetoGreenOak.Hehadn’tseenthevideohalfthecountrywasmocking.IrememberedhimaskingifI’dhadareasonforwhateverI’ddoneandbeingcontentwithmyanswer.Hedidn’twantthewholestory.AndperhapsIwasfinewiththat.
“Ihavealife,ifthat’swhatyou’reasking,”Itoldhim.
Cameronshookhishead,asifthatwasn’ttheanswerhewasexpecting.
“Ihaveajobandhobbies,”Iinsisted,eventhoughIwasquicklyrealizingIdidn’thaveeither.“Idohomerenovation.”
“Darling,”hedrawled,achucklefollowingthatword.Thesoundmademethinkofhislaughter.Mystomachtumbled.Ididn’tlikeit.“Youcan’trenovateshitcladinapantsuitandarmedwithahammer.”
“Ialsohaveascrewdriver,”Icountered.“AndI’mnotwearingasuit.”
“Believeme,Iknow.Ihaveeyes.”
Ifrowned.Whatdidthatevenmean?“I’mnotalonely,sadworkaholic,”Ifelttheneedtosay.“Ihavealife,”Irepeated.“Ilistentopodcasts.Truecrime.Ihaveanimpressivememory,too.IcanrecitethecompleterosteroftheGreenWarriorstoyourightnow.OrGreenOak’sactivitybrochure,pointbypoint.Icouldevenenumerateevery—”
Everysinglethingyou’veaccomplished.Awardandtrophyyou’vewon.Championshipyou’veplayed.IcanevenrecitethenumberofsavesyoumadeinthelastWorldCupyouplayed.Thatwashowgoodmymemorywas.
ThatwasalsohowmuchI’dreadaboutCameronbynow.
God.Ireallyneededahobby.
“Sothat’swhatyou’relisteningtowhilebrandishingthathammer,”Cameronmuttered.“Bloodymurder.”AnotherchucklelefthimandI—Ireallyhatedhowdistractingthatsoundwas.“Stillnotahobby,though.”
“Ididn’tknowIwastalkingtothehobbypolice.”
“Darling—”
“I’dratheryoudidn’tcallmethat.”
Amusemententeredhisexpression.“Listeningtopodcastsissomethingyoudowhiledoingsomethingelse,likehomerenovation—ifyouwerereallyintothat.”Heglancedatmyhairandgavemeanunimpressedlook.“Andhavinggoodmemoryisaskill,notahobby.”
“Fine.”Iclickedmytongue.“Whataboutyou,then?Whatisaretiredprosoccerplayerdoingwithallthisfreetimeonhishands?”
Hiseyesroamedaroundmyfaceslowly,andforamomentIthoughthewasn’tgoingtoanswer.Thathewouldstandupandleave.Itwouldn’tbethefirsttimehegotskittishafterIbroughthiscareerup.
Buttomysurprise,hesaid,“Ihike.Camp.Ilovetheoutdoors.AndIdoyoga,too.NotthekindwedidonSunday.”
Andjustlikethat,hundredsofmentalimagesofCameronwereflashingbehindmyeyes.I’dneverhadmuchofanimagination,butitdidn’ttakeonetopictureCamerononanyofthoseinstances.Allthoseoutdoorsyclothesonhim,skindrippingwithsweat,lostsomewhereonatrail.OrthemusclesI’dseenfirsthandflexingashedidaplank.I…
“Well,”Ibreathedout.“It’shardtopictureyoudoinganythingbesidesgrumbling.”
Cameronbarkedoutalaugh,thesoundtravelingallthewaytothebottomofmybelly.Ugh.“Imeditate,too,”heoffered.
Moreimagescame,floatingfreelyintomymind.“Youmeditate?”
“Amongotherthings,yeah.”
Iswallowed,nowsuddenlyfrustratedbythismanwhoapparentlywasfullofsurprises.“Ifyoutellmeyoualsoknit,Iwillstandup,leave,andneverbelieveawordyousay.”
“Idon’tknit.”Hetiltedhisheadinthought.“AlthoughItried.I’vetriedmanydifferentthings.”Well,thatwasjustfantasticandnotmakingmefeellikeahobby-lesspersonatall.Hecontinued,“It’ssaidtobegoodtokeepyourmindoffthings.Todisconnect.Toappeaseyourmindwhenitgetstooloud.”Heliftedoneofthosepaw-handsintheair.“Butmyfingersaretoobigandbatteredforit,andIhavelittlepatience.”
IcouldhavesaidthatIknewhowlittlepatiencehehad,butIwasbusytakingthechancetoinspectthathandupclose.Indetail.Withoutneedinganexcuseto.JustlikeI’dglimpsedinthepast,hedidhavelongandstrong-lookingfingers.Rough-looking,too.Andhismiddleoneinparticularwascrooked,likeI’dseenthedaywe’dmet,asifhe’dbrokenitandithadn’thealedright.Thesignetaroundhispinkysparkledunderthelastraysofsun.
“Youshouldtry,”hesaid.
“Knitting?”
“Takingyourmindoffthings.Stopoverthinkingandoveranalyzingeverysinglesecondofyourandeverybodyelse’slife.Stopmeasuringeachwordthatleavesanyone’smouth.Yoursincluded.”
Ifeltmyselfswallow.“Idon’tdothat,”Isaid,butmyvoicewaspitchy.Iwaswhining.IseemedtobeconstantlydoingthatandIhatedit.“I’mperfectlyabletotakemymindoffthingsandrelax.IcouldtryanyhobbyIwantedandbeexcellentatit,too.Icouldbeatyouatyogaif…”Yourhandshadn’tbeenalloverme.“Ipracticedenough.”
Cameron’slipstwitchedagain.“Youreallyareafiery,competitivething,aren’tyou?”
Iscoffed.“Don’tcallmeathing.”
“IguessIshouldn’tbesurprised,”Cameronadmitted,hisgazesointentlyonmethatforamomentIthoughthewaspeekingrightintomybrain.
Iopenedmymouthtoaskwhathecouldpossiblymean.
Buthishandreachedoutformyface.Hisoutstretchedpalmbrushedmycheek,makingmybreathcatch,andthen,thepadofhisthumbgrazedmyskin.Itskimmedsoftlyalongthelineofmyjaw,makingmylipspartandawaveofstaticblankettheskinofmyface.
Quickly,likegunpowderlightingup,itspreaddownmyneck.Myarms.Ittingledandtraveledallthewaydowntomytoes.
Camerontouchedme,andIcouldn’tdoanythingbutremainstill,soverystill,whiletheroughfeelofhisthumbbrushedagainstmyface.
Chestpounding,Iwatchedhiseyesdipdown,inspectingthatspotonmyjawthatnowwasbuzzing,burning,flaringunderhistouch.“You’regoingtohurtyourselfifyoukeepthisup,”hesaidsosoftlythatIcouldn’tmakesenseofhiswords.“You’reinshambles,darling,”hemurmured,greeneyesreturningtomine.“Icanhardlyseeyouunderneaththemess.”
Ishouldbemovingaway.ButCameron’stouch—thephysicaltieIwasfeelingtohim—wassopowerful,sosuddenandintense,thatIwasbeingsuckedin.Likeanenergyfieldoravacuum.Iwastrapped.
HishandcuppedmyjawinatendergestureIdidn’tunderstandorexpect,andmyeyelidsflutteredclosed.Heshouldn’tbedoingthis.Heshouldn’tbetouchingmelikethis,gentlywipingdirtfrommyfacelikehecareditwasthere.AndI—itshouldn’tbefeelingthisgood.
Ijerkedback.
Physicallyremovingmyselffromhistouchandwhateveritwasdoingtome.
WhenIopenedmyeyes,Camerondidn’tseembotheredbymyreaction.Notatall.Ifanything,helookedcurious.Asifhe’dseensomethinghewantedtoexamineupclose.
Probablyallthedustanddirt.
Icouldn’tdoanythingbutfuriouslypatatmyfacewiththehemofmyshirt,outragedandconfused,focusedonshowinghimIdidn’tneedanyonetodothis.Ionlyneededmyself.
Cameronhummeddeepinhisthroatbeforestandingup,andonlythenhesaid,“Perhapswe’renotsodifferent.”Thegreeninhiseyesdarkened.“MaybeI’malsotryingtoproveapoint.”CHAPTERFIFTEEN
Cameron
“Thosearetheuniforms?”
Inodded.“Theverysame.”
Adalynmutteredsomethingunderherbreathbeforemumbling,“But—Butthey—”
“Looklikethey’reontheirwaytoaneightiesthemeparty?”
“Yes.”Ahufflefther,andIcouldn’tsayIdidn’trelatetothatdefeatedpuffofair.“Whendid—”
“Josiewashereearly.Shecamebearinggifts.”
“Buthow—”
“Rememberthestoryabouthermotherandtheteambackintheday?”Adalyn’seyeswidenedandIgaveheranod.“Yeah.Thosearetheuniformstheyused.Godknowswhytheykeptthemthislong.”
“Weretheyeven—”
“Washed?Yes,”Isaid.“ItwasthefirstthingJosiesaid.”
Adalyn’seyesnarrowed.“Doyoureadmindsnow?”
“No.”ButIwasbeginningtounderstandhowhersworked.Iturnedtowardthegirls,whowerescatteringacrossthefield.“Nothingwecandonow.”
“Thisismyfault,”Adalynsaidfrommyside.“Ishouldhavecheckedthembeforehand.JustlikeIsaidIwould.ButJosieissoconvincingwhenshewantstobe.”Shehuffed.“I’llneedtoseehowfastIcanorderthenewones.Butforthatweneedtogeteverythingsorted.Jerseys,shorts,socks,shinguards,cleatboots,notsneakers.Weneedacolorschemeandastyleforthenumbers.Everything.MaybeI—”Apause.“OhmyGod.WhatisChelseadoingwiththattutu?Whatiftheydisqualifythem?Whatif—”
“Darling—”
“Adalyn.”
“Adalyn,”Irelented,justsoshewouldn’tgetanymoreworkedup.Ireallyhadnoenergytodealwithanyextrasassinessrightnow.ThecrowdtheGrovesvilleBearshadbroughttotownwaslargerthanI’dexpected,anditwasstartingtogettome.“Thisisjustagame,yeah?”Herfacescrunchedupindisagreement,butIliftedafinger.“Chelsearefusedtotakethegoddamnthingoff,she’sthebloodyBlackSwanorsomeage-inappropriateshitMaríaconvincedherof.Buttherefsaidit’sfinewhenIasked,andshe’salsojustakid.Theyallare.Forgetaboutthetutuandtheuniformsandtrytogetthroughthegamewithoutgivingmeaheadache.Thisisjustlittleleague.It’schild’splay.Literally.”
Adalynfrowned,andIthoughtforafoolishsecondthatshe’dleaveitalone.Iwasobviouslywrong.“Buttheteamlooksridiculous.”
Isighed.
Shewenton,“They’rewarriors,theyshouldlookfierce.Imposing.Serious.It’snoteventhefactthatthey’reallinpink.WechangedtheFlames’thirdkittoasimilarshadethatwasverypopularamongfans.Butthis?”Herhandstuckout.“They’reuglyanddatedandtheteamlooks…unserious.”
Ididn’tdisagree.“Trytoignoreit.Closeyoureyes.Lookaway.Maybegoaway.”Shenarrowedhereyesatme,andIfacedthegrassagain.“There’snothingyoucandonow,soyoueitherstopnaggingorgohome.”
“YouknowI’mright.”
“IalsoknowI’mgettingaheadache.”
“Justlookattheotherteam,”shepressed,butIdidn’treallyneedto.Adalyncontinued,“TheylooklikeaminiatureMLSteam.Eventheircoachhasamatchingtracksuit.”Apause.“Iwonderifanyoneissponsoringthem.”
“Ithoughtthatbinderofyourshadalltheanswersoftheuniverse,”Isaiddryly,butIturnedtotherightandlookedinthedirectionoftheBears’coach.
Theladyinthetracksuitinquestionlockedeyeswithmeacrossthefield.Igaveheranod,evenopenedmymouthtoextendagoodluck,butthenhereyeswerenarrowingandherarmswerecrossingoverherchest.Ifrownedather.Andinresponse,shemouthed,You’regoingdown,bitch.
“Whatthefuck,”Imuttered.
“Language,”Adalynwhisperedloudly.“Youreallyneedtostopswearingaroundthekids.It’sunprofessional.”
Iglancedbackather,findingherengrossedinherphone.“Butshejustcalledmeabitch.”
Adalyn’sgazeliftedoffthescreenforaninstant,lookinginthedirectionofthewoman,andthenreturnedherattentiontoitwithasigh.Herfingersstartedflyingacrossthedevice.Typingneurotically.Shepaused,liftedthephone,andstartedsnappingpictures.Unconvinced,shetookafewstepsback,pointedherphoneforward,andsnappedahundredmore.
Iblinkedather.“Whatintheworldareyoudoingnow?Thegameisabouttostart.”
Shereturnedtomysidewithashrugandresumedthelightningtyping.“Whatkindofquestionisthat?I’mobviouslyworking.”
“You’regoingtoburstametacarpalatthatspeed.”
“Isthataboneinmyfingers?Ifso,I’mnot.I’musedtotypingfastwhenI’mbrainstorming.”
“Brainstorming,”Irepeatedslowly.“Forwhat?Newwaystodrivemeupthewall?”
“Ha,”shedeadpanned.“Forthenewuniforms.ImightalsoorderafewbannerswiththenewlogoIcangiveawaytopeoplethatcometothegames.”Shebitherlipforamoment,draggingmyeyesthere.“Icanforwardyouacopyofmynotes.WecangoovereverythingonMonday.Afterpractice.Isthatagoodtime?”
Irememberedthelastmeetingwehad.Thebuttonburstingopen.Herscentinmylungs.Thelavendersatin.Myjawclenched.
Withoutliftingherheadfromthescreen,shesaid,“Don’tlookatmelikethat,Coach.”
IignoredthatCoach.“HowdoyouknowhowI’mlookingatyou?”
“Becauseyouoperateintwomodes.Self-importantandannoyed.”
Asnortescapedmymouth.Shewasprobablyright.“IthoughtweagreedonmeetingsonWednesdays.”
“Mondaywon’tbeameeting.”Herthumbswipedupanddown,switchingappsatanimpressivespeed.“It’llbeacasualget-togethertoalignideas.”
“Puttingthewordcasualinfrontofget-togetherdoesn’tmakeitlessofameeting,darling.”
Herindexfingertappedonelasttimeonthescreen.Sheliftedherhead,finallylookingatme.“Howaboutyoucallmeboss?”Hereyebrowsarched.“I’mnotahugefanofdefinedhierarchicalsystems,butIthinkIcanmakeanexceptionhere.”
Istaredbackatherunderthebrimofmycap.Herhairwasupinatightbunagain.Onlythisonewasatthetopofherhead,makingherfeatureslooksharperunderthesun.Thesuitwasbackaswell,thisoneapaleshadeofbeigethatwaspairedwithablueglossy-lookingtopIwishedthatblazerwasn’tcovering
Itwaspossiblythedressiestshe’deverbeen.Eventheheelsshehadonseemedhigherthanusual.Adalynwasdressedtoimpresstoday.Primandreadytobulldozeoversomepoorsoul.Me,mostlikely.Andyetitwasawelcomecontrasttohowshe’dlookedtheothernightonherporch.Coveredindust.Inyogapants.Strandsofhairstickingout.Istillhadn’tfiguredoutwhichversionofAdalynIfoundmoredisconcerting.
Theskininmypalmstingledatthememoryofthefeelofherfaceundermyfingertips.
Iflexedmyrighthand.
“Where’sthering?”sheasked,bringingmyattentionback.
Ifeltmyselffrowninsurprise,butIpattedmychest.“I’musedtotakingitoffforgames.Ihaveitonachain.”
Hercheeksflushed,butifshethoughtanythingofit,shedidn’tsay.“Andwhat’swiththehat?”Shegavemeaskepticalonce-over.“Isthisyourgamelook?IcouldgetyouahatwhenIorderyouamatchingcoachtracksuit.IcouldaskthemtoprintCOACH(RELUCTANTLYHERE)onthefront.”
Inarrowedmyeyesather.“Whyareyouhere,again?”
“I’mthemanageroftheGreenWarriors,whereelseshouldIbe?”
“Notinthetechnicalarea.I’mthecoachandthisismybench.”
“Technicalareaisastretch.”Shepointedatthehumblespacearoundus.“Andyouneedmehere.I’mprettysureIheardtheBears’coachconspiringagainstyouonmywayinfromtheparkinglot.”Ashrug.“I’dreallyhatetohavetolookforsomeonetofillinifyouweretomysteriouslydisappearin…let’ssaythebushyareabehindthebleachersnobodyseemstoventureinto.”Apause.“NotthatIgaveheranyideas.”
IfIhadn’tbeensocaughtupinthenotionofAdalynteasingme,Iwouldhaveprobablybarkedoutalaugh.“Areyousayingyou’llprotectmefromher?”
“Don’tlooksosmug,”Adalynhuffed,notevenlookingatme.“You’remyonlyemployee,Coach.”
WithasnortIletherhavethisoneandfacedforward.Soonafter,therefereefinallywhistled,indicatingthestartofthegame.
Itookastepforward,clappingmyhandsafewtimesatthegirls.“Allright.Soldieron,GreenWarriors!”
EveryWarrioronthegrassturnedherheadtowardme.Theballrolled.Theyallblinkedatme.
“OhGod,”Adalynwhisperedfrommyside.“Whatdidyoudo?Whyaren’ttheymoving?”
“Gazeforward,”Iinstructedthegirls,signalingtheothersidewithmyhand.“Don’tlookatme,”Ibarked,pointinginthedirectionoftheball.ButbythetimetheGreenWarriorsreacted,theyweretoolatetostoptheotherteamfromstealingandmakingtheirwayacrossthefieldwiththeball.
Maríafrownedfromherpositionatthenet.But—WhywasMaríaatthenet?Juniperwasourgoalkeeper.WherethehellwasJuniper?Shit.Fuck.I’dbeensocaughtupwithAdalynthatI—
TheforwardfortheBearsjerkedherlegbacktokick.Maríaturned,distractedlywavinginmydirection.No.InAdalyn’sdirection.
Istartedtowarnher,“Watchoutforthe—”
Buttheballhitthebackofthenet,passingeffortlesslyoverasmilingMaría.
“Goal,”Ifinished.
Thestandseruptedincheers.Thehumblescoreboardchanged.GREENWARRIORS:0–GROVESVILLEBEARS:1.
Ilookedovermyshoulderquickly,shockedbytheenthusiasticcrowdfromoutoftown.TheGreenWarriorswereplayinghomeandtheonlyfacesIrecognizedbesidesafewoftheparentswereJosie,Diane,andGabriel.Granted,Iwasn’texactlygoingaroundtownmakingfriends,buttherewasbarelyanygreeninthestands.Itwasallredandwhite.
Awomanmetmygaze,eyesflashingwithsomethingIhopedwasn’trecognition.Iwhirledaround,pullingmycaplower.
“Let’snotworry,”Adalynsaidwhenthecrowdquieteddownandthegamerestarted.“Thisisjustonegoal.There’splentyofgameahead.There’smore—”
Adalyn’swordscametoanabruptstopwhenChelseastoletheballfromoneoftheBearsandran.Webothgawkedatthekid,whowasmovingasfastasI’deverseenakidinatutumove.
ChelseanearedtheGreenWarriors’penaltyareaandAdalynwhispered,“Whatisshedoing?”
ButIcouldn’tanswer.IcouldonlywatchasJunipershoutedsomethinginthedistance,andwhenChelseadidn’tstop,sheracedafterher.Undeterred,ourtutu-wearingmidfielderdidn’tseemtocare.
Adalynmumbledsomething,thenshesaidmoreclearly,“OhmyGod,dosomething,Cameron.She’sgoinginthewrongdirection.”
“There’snothingtodo,darling,”IansweredwithagulpofairjustasChelseakickedtheballwithaflourish.“Nothingwouldhavestoppedthatkidfromscoringthatonsidegoal.”
ThecrowdfromGrovesvillebrokeintoaloudcheeragain.Eveniftheyhadn’ttechnicallyscored,agoalwasagoal.Ikeptmygazeforwardandmycaplow,thatfamiliarbuzzatthebackofmyneckgettinglouderwitheveryclapfromthestands.Thathadn’tbeenjustanowngoal,ithadbeencompleteandutterchaos.
I’dspentallweekdismissingAdalyn’sattemptstocreateastrategy,trulybelievingeverythingshesuggestedwasoverkill.Istillbelievedit.Butsomehow,allIcouldthinkabout,asthegamerestartedagainandthegirlsshuffledacrossthegrass,wastheredbinder.Theotherone,too.
Iwonderediftherehadbeenanythingintherethatwouldhavewarnedmeofthis.Forbetterorworse,Iwastheteam’scoach,andI…well,Iclearlyhadn’tdoneagoodjobwhenmykeeperwasinthemiddleofthefieldandmymidfielderhadjustscoredanOG.
Outofthecornerofmyeye,IspottedtheBears’coach.ShewaslookingstraightatmewithasmuglookIdidn’tlike.Holdingmygaze,sheliftedherfists,bringingthemunderhereyesandpretendingtowipetearsthatweren’tthere.
Istaredblanklyather.Thatwomancouldn’tknowthatduringmycareerI’dputupwiththingsthatwouldprobablymakeherpale.I—
WatchedAdalynshootforward.
“Ref!”shehollered.Hollered.Gettingmorethanafewheadstoturn.“Unsportsmanlikeconductisnotanicelookonakids’coach.”
“Ma’am,”theref—awomanwithano-bullshitattitude—warnedfromherspotonthegrass.“Returnimmediatelytothesideline.”
Laughterrolledinfromtheoppositebench,andAdalynspun.“Maybesheshouldbemoreconcernedaboutherlittleteam.”TheBears’coachgaveheraonce-overthatmadesomethinginmystomachturn.Sheloweredhervoice,“Gohome,princess.”
Princess.
Thewordwaslostonthosenotpayingattention,butnotonAdalynandme.
“Excuseme,”Adalynsqueaked,hervoicehikinganoctave.Sheveeredinthecoach’sdirection.“Withallduerespect,ma’am,Iamnot—”
MyarmshotoutandIdraggedherback,towardme,untilshewasplasteredagainstmyside.Awhiffofthatlavenderscenthittingmerightinthenose.“Absolutelynot,darling.”
Adalynseemeddistractedforamomentbecauseittookherabittoanswer.“Shecalledmeaprincess,”shefinallysaid.Mythroatcloggedforaninstant.Ihadtoo.“Andshe’smockingyouandtheteam.Iwon’tallowthat.”
Somethingsoftenedinsidemyribcage,appeasingme.ButwhileIwasasshockedasIwasflatteredbythatdefensivestrike,Iwasalsoprotectiveofkeepingmyanonymity,andtherewasaratherlargecrowdaround.“Idon’tknow,boss.Isaywebethebiggerpeopleandignoreher.”
Ifeltthetensioninherbodyflyaway.Myarmwasstillaroundher.“Youjustcalledmeboss.”
SoIhad.Isearchedoursurroundingsquickly,checkingforcuriouseyes.Everyonebuttheothercoachseemeddistractedbythegame.Ah,hell.“Rememberhowyousaidearlierweshouldn’tworry?”Shenodded.“Ithinkweshould.”
“Icouldstillgetthereftosuspendthatwoman,youknow?”shepipedin.Buthervoicewassofter.Calmer.“I’mconvincing.AndIalsoknowveryimportantpeopleinthePRO.”
Achuckleescaped.Itwasn’tthefirstandIwasbeginningtounderstandthatitwouldn’tbethelast,either.“Idon’tthinkyourcontactsinthePROarerelevanthere,darling.Thisisalittlecountyleague.”Shegrumbled,andmyarmshifted,myfingershelplesslyreachingforwardandbrushingthattopI’dbeeneyeingbeforelettinggo.Itfeltlikesatin.Shedidn’tcomplain.“Let’smeetonMonday.”
Herchestexpandedwithabreath,andwhenshespokeitwasonlyoneword,“Why?”
FuckifIknew,honestly.“Seemslikewehaveworktodo.”
Adalynhesitatedforaninstant,butthenshesteppedcloseruntilthetipsofthoseshoesIdespisedtouchedmyboots.Sheliftedherchin,assessingme.Thereweretinyfrecklesonthebridgeofhernose.“Isee,”shesaidslowly.“Maybeyouhaveathirdmodeafterall.Besidesself-importantandannoyed.”
IknewIdid.
Andwithoutmereallyknowinghow,thatswitchhadjustbeenflipped.CHAPTERSIXTEEN
Adalyn
“MydearestGreenOakvolunteers,”Josiesaid,openingherarmswithaflourish.“WelcometoGreenOak’sannualBBBBL,orasweallknowit,Beer,Barbecue,andBoogieBytheLake.”
Dianeclearedherthroatfromthefirstrow.
Josie’ssmiletightened.“Yes,Diane?”
“Whydidwechangethenameagain?”sheasked,makingJosie’slipsstretch.“Thiswassupposedtobeourendofsummerpartybythelake.Itshouldhavebeenweeksago,thelastweekofAugust,likeeveryyear.”Thatheadofbrightyellowturnedinthedirectionofthestands.“Wherearethecorndogsortheminiglazeddonuts?We’realsoservingmorethanjustbeer.Andwhileyou’reatit,Istilldon’tunderstandwhatyoumeanbyboogie.”
Josieletoutachucklethatdidn’tsoundaslightheartedasshe’dhoped,ifIhadtoguess.“Well,Diane,ifyouwouldhavepaidalittleattentionduringourspringcouncilmeeting,you’drememberthatweweretryingtospicethingsupfortheupcomingseasons.Youknow,tobringinmorepeoplefromalloverthecountywithfunandcatchyeventsthathavefunandcatchynames.Hencetheboogie,hencethebarbecue,hencethecraftbeerandhence”—hervoicewenthigh—“thechangeofname.”
“Butthere’sacoffeebooth,”Dianecountered.“Andourendofsummerpartywasfine.Itwasthebestoneinthecounty,ifImaysaysomyself.Idon’tgetwhyweneedtobeattractivetofolksfromothertowns.”
Josie’swholeexpressionbunchedupasshelaunchedherselfintoanotherdiscourseaboutwhychangewasgood.
Themanstandingnexttomeexhaledlonganddeep,catchingmyattention.Hishandhadrisentohishairandhewasdraggingitdownthesideofhishead.Bynow,IknewafewofCameron’stells.Hewasn’thappytobehere,andafterwatchinghimduringyesterday’sgame,Icouldguessitwasbecauseofthepeoplethiscouldbring.He’dflinchedeverytimethecrowdhadstirred.
“It’stheboogiepart,isn’tit?”Iaskedhiminahushedvoice.
MyquestionseemedtosurpriseCameron,becausewhenhelookedoveratme,itwaswithafrown.“Yeah.”
Iwonderedwhyhewouldputhimselfthroughthiswhenhehateditsomuch.HereallythoughtIwouldexposehim.Guiltswirledinmystomach.“IfJosiedoessomuchassuggestwedance,I’moutofhere.”
“We?”
“Thevolunteers,”Iexplained,feelingawaveofwarmthclimbingupmyneck.TheimageofCameron’sarmsaroundmetookshapeinmymind.“I’llhideinthewoodsifIhaveto.EvenafterJosiesaidsomeverydisturbingthingsaboutthembeingpossiblyhaunted.ThatishowbadIdon’twanttoboogietonight.”
Cameronsnorted.
“Outofeveryonehere,I’dthoughtyouwouldbelievethat.”
Amusementflashedacrosshisexpression.“Andwhyisthat,darling?”
“Becauseyourkindbelieveinluckyritualsandthingslikejuju,”Ipointedoutwithashrug.Iwantedtoaskhimifwearingtheringonachainhadbeenpartlyaboutthat.“I’veseenplayersdothemostridiculousthingsbeforegames.”
Cameron’seyesroamedaroundmyfaceforamoment,asifsearchingforsomething.Thatstupidflushreturned.“Notallfootballersarethesame.”Heturnedaway,facingforward.“Ifyou’renicetometonightI’lltakeyouonahikeandshowyoutherearenoghosts.Butyoucan’tcomeinthosebloodyshoes.”
Ihuffed.“IfI’mnice—”
“Youtwowillbeonbeerduty,”Josiesaid,suddenlyinfrontofus.“Lovingthelook,Adalyn.Butdidyoubringanythingalittlethickerthanthatblazer?Tempsreallydropatnightbythelake.That’swhywesayonthebrochuretocomedressedinlayers.”
Ilookeddownatmyself.“Thisistweed.I’llbefine.”
“Alrightythen,”shesaid,clappingherhandsandturningaround.“Followme,please.I’llshowyoutoyourstation.”Wetrailedbehindher.“PeoplefromtownwhosignedupfortheBBBBLwillnotbehavingfunjustyet.”ShestoppedatastandwithasignthatreadJOSIE’SJOSTLER.Ifrowned.“Thisbabyoverhereismycraftbeerventure.I’mstillworkingonthename.”
CameronmutteredsomethingIdidn’tcatchunderhisbreath.
“So…”Ihesitated.“You’vebrewedthebeerthatwillbeservedtonight?”
“Yes,ma’am.”Abiggerthanusualgrinpartedherface.“It’sahazyIPA.I’vebeenperfectingtherecipeformonths,andIthinkthisistheone.Youcantellmewhenyoutryit.”Shewinked.“Okay,enoughchitchat.PeoplewillbecominginsoonandIwanteveryvolunteersetandreadytogo.”Shepointedatabarrelwithadevicelockedatthetop.“Haveyoueverusedoneofthese?”
“Yes,”CameronansweredwithasighbeforeIcouldsayaword.“Andthespigotisnotscrewedinproperly.”
Herolledupthesleevesonthatflanneljackethewaswearingtonight.Myeyesdippedtohisforearmsandimmediatelyspottedtheinkspillingoutoftherolledsleeve,coveringhisskin.Somethinglodgedsomewherebetweenmyribcageandstomachatthesight,somethingthatwasn’tjustcuriosity.IleanedforwardsoIcouldgetabetterlookasCameron’shandslandedonthetopofthebarrel.
Forearmsflexedaslittlepiecesandbitswerescrewedoffandonwithdeterminedmotions.
Ipattedmycheeks.Theywerewarm.AndI—
OhGod.Whatwashappening?I’dneverbeenintomanuallabor.Ortattoos.Orforearms.Orflannelforthatmatter.
Iwasstartledoutofmytrancebyanelbowtotheside.
Josie’spalebluegazewaspointedatmewithamischievousglance.You’redrooling,shemouthed.Myeyeswidenedinhorrorandmyhanddashedtomymouth.Shechuckledloudly,andwhenCameronshotusaquestioninglook,shesoberedupandsaid,“Thanksfortakingcareofit,Cam.”
Cameron’sanswerwasashrug.
“Okay,nowthatIreallyknowtheJosie’sJostlerisingoodhandsandthatyou,Cam,canshowAdahowthetapsystemworks,I’mgoingtocutstraighttothechase.”Josie’shandstuckintheair,inthedirectionofablackmetallicbox.“Everyonecominggetsfoodanddrinktokensattheentrance,soallyouhavetodoistakeatokenandserveabeer.Ifyougetanyenthusiastictippers,youtellthemthatthere’sapiggybankintheshapeofagoatbythehotbeveragesstand.That’swhereIwillbe.Alltipswillgotothebudgetofnextyear’sBBBBL.Questions?”Shewaitedforaninstant,butwhenmymouthopened,shesaid,“Noquestions,perfect!NowIneedtoruntothegrillstation.Gabrielsaidsomethingverydisturbingabouthomemadeveganpattiesearlier.Havefun,and”—thatmischievouslookreturned—“rememberthatyou’reheretopretendyou’rebonding.Dianeisextrawatchytoday,soIsuggestyoubeextrabondy.”
Andwithaverysuggestivewinkinmydirectionthatmademyfaceturnbeetrootred,Josiejoggedaway.
“Youokay?”Cameronasked.
“Sure,”Ianswered,walkingaroundhimandsettingupsomewherewherethoseextremelydistractingforearmswerenotvisible.“IwasjustthinkingthatIforgottoaskJosiewhattheboogiethingwasabout.”Ibusiedmyselfwiththecashbox.“Sohowdidyouknowaboutthespigot?”
TurnedoutCameronhadworkedatapubinhislateteens.He’dalsospenthissummersjugglingeverypossiblejobavailablebeforesigninghisfirstcontract.Itexplainedthings.Italsomadealittlespotonmychestexpand.
ButIwasn’tgoingtopayanyattentiontothat.Mehavingasweetspotforhardworkingpeoplewasn’tnew.
ItalsoturnedoutthattheboogiepartoftheeveningwasaGreenOakband’srenditionsofseventiesandeightiessongs.AbandinwhichJosieplayedthebass.
Itwastrulyfascinatingthenumberofthingsthatwomancoulddo.
Exceptforbrewingbeer,asitalsoturnedout.I’dhadasipoftheJosie’sJostlerandlet’ssayitwassohazyIcouldhavechewedonit.Iwasn’tanexpertoncraftbeer,andhadalwaysfavoredwine,butIdidn’tthinkahazyIPAwassupposedtoworklikethat.
Notthatthecrowdinattendanceseemedtocare.TheJosie’sJostlerstandhadbeenjustasbusyastherest.Iwouldn’tusethewordpacked—bymyoranystandards—butbusyenoughforCamerontodomostoftheworkandrelegatemetotokenduty.That,unfortunately,hadinvolvedmoresleeve-rolling,forearmunveiling,andmuscleflexingwhenliftingglassesandexchangingbarrels.Atsomepoint,IrealizedI’dbeenstaringatoneofhisforearms—atthatonespecificinkedspotleftofhiswrist—sohardandlongthatIhadforgottentocollecttokens.SoI’dthrowninafewdollarsfrommypocketandcontinuedmyogling.
Thatwaswhenhe’dproducedabeaniefromasecretpocketinhisflanneljacket.
Idespisedflannel,beanies,andsecretpocketsnow.
Thatwaswhythemomentthefirstfivenotesto“BoogieWonderland”fromtheimprovisedstagehitandmostpeopleshiftedinthedirectionoftheband,Iranaway.
Yes.Iwasofficiallyhiding.FromCameron,nottheboogie.
IwasatthefarendoftheBBBBLpremises,nearthelake,withthenotonebuttwogoatsMaríahadbroughtwithherasmyonlycompany.Andifaghostwastocomeoutandluremeandthegoatsintothewoods,I’dgogladly.
Brandybleatedfromherspotatmyfeet.Andjustlikeeverytimeshe’ddonethatinthefifteenminutesI’dbeenhere,Tillystirredinresponse.
“Youtwoneedtostopthat,”Iwhispered,obtaininganothertwobaas.“No.Shush.”
Iglancedovermyshoulder,checkingthecrowdforaspecificsetofgreeneyes,darkbeard,andbeanie.Notatraceofhim.Good.Ireturnedmygazeforward,justintimeforagustofchillyairtohitmeinthefaceandmakemecurlintomyself.
ThetweedsuitwasthewarmestoutfitIhad,butJosiehadbeenright,nowthatthesunwassetting,ithadn’tbeenthesmartestchoice.Notthatanyinmywardrobewouldhave.
“Butthat’sokay,”Imutteredundermybreath,thinkingbacktoCameron’sbeanie.Andboots.Andjeans.Andflanneljacket.Andhowwarmhemustbe.MaybeIshouldgobyOutdoorMoe’sandgetmyselfabeanie.Brandynudgedmylegwithherhead.“Iknow.Idon’tthinkIcouldpulloffabeanieeither.”Icouldmaybedoflannel.Isighed.“Hecouldhaveatleastleftthejacketbeforeleaving.”
“Wholeft?”
IalmostfellofftherockI’dbeensittingon.“Jesus,”Imuttered,turningmyheadandfindingthatmountainofpaddedflannelafewfeettomyleft.
Cameron’sbrowsknottedunderhisstupid,sillybeanie.“Jesusleft?”
Iopenedmymouthtoanswer,butanothergustofairpickedup,stoppingmywordsandsendingashivertocrawldownmyspine.Icurledmyarmsaroundmymiddleandgavehimashrug.
IfCameroncaredaboutthelackofconfirmationfrommyside,hedidn’tsay.Insteadhecrossedthedistanceseparatingusandplantedhimselfrightbesideme.Myeyesdippedlow,tohisforearms.Hissleevesweredown,thankGod.Hishands,however,werehangingbetweenhislegs.Relaxed.Rough.Large.Thatsignetonhispinky.Ugh.Whatwaswrongwithme?Icouldn’thyperfixateoneverybodypartthismanflunginfrontofme.
Tilly,whobasedonhersizelookedyoungerthanBrandy,trottedtoCameron’sside,providingawelcomedistraction.Hestiffened.
“Youcango,”Imuttered.Offered,really.Becausehe’dbedoingusbothafavor.Icouldn’thidefromhimifhewashere.
“It’sjustagoat,”heanswered.Hadn’tthosebeenhisexactwordsatyoga?“Twogoats.Andoneistiny.”
Somethingelsehesaidcametomind.We’reallafraidofsomethinginthislife
“IpromisedMaríaI’dkeepthemcompany,”Itoldhim,justsoIwouldn’tthinkofthat.
“Lookedtomelikeyouwereavoidingme,”Cameronsaid,makingmyheartdrop.“AndcametotheplaceyouknewIwouldstayawayfrom.”
Mythroatworked,anewshiverthathadnothingtodowiththecoldsneakingdownmyback.“Lookstomelikesomeonebelieveshe’sthecenteroftheuniverse.”Thewarmthreturnedtomyface.“Iwasgettingawayfromthemusic.It’snotverygood,incaseyouhaven’tnoticed.”
Asifincue,themusiccametoastopandthecrowderuptedinapplause.
Brandytensedatmyfeet,makingmerememberMaría’swordsaboutthegoatsufferingfromanxietyandbeingtriggeredbyloudnoises.AwarmshouldercameintocontactwithminewhenTillybleatedfromCameron’sside.
Hewasinchingawayfromthetinygoat.
Iclearedmythroat.
“I’mfine,”hegrunted.Buthereallywasn’t.Andaswarmashissidewasandasmuchasthechillinmybodywassomehowappeased,Istillfeltbad.Responsible,forareasonIdidn’tunderstand.Iopenedmymouth,butCameronspoke.“Ilivedonafarmforawhile.WhenIwasaboy.”
Oh.Thatinformationseemedtolodgeitselfsomewhereinsidemyhead,asifitwasimportant.Worthremembering.“InEngland,”Iclarified.Whichwasredundantbecausewebothknewthat.
ButCameronnoddedanyway.“Mynonnahatedit,though.Sowemovedbacktothecity.”
Irememberedhiscommentaboutbeingraisedbyhisgrandmother.IrealizedIrememberedeverythingthatleftthisman’smouth.“Areyoutwoclose?”
“Were,”heanswered,lookingoveratme.“ShepassedbeforeIsignedfortheIslingtonWest.”
Hisfirstclub.
IstaredintoCameron’seyes,gettingalittlelostinhowopen,nakedhisexpressionwasinthismoment.Therewasyearninginhisface.Alittlesadness,too.
“Ineverhadthechancetomeetanyofmygrandparents,”Iheardmyselfsay.“MymotherisoriginallyfromCuba,andshecametotheUSafewyearsbeforeIwasborn.Shelefteveryoneandeverythingbehind.Myfather’sparents…diedwhenhewasyoung.”Cameron’sbrowsfurrowed.“Ihaven’texperiencedthatkindofbond,butIgenuinelybelieveyourgrandmotherwouldbeproudofyou.”Ifeltmyselfswallow.“Anyonewouldbe.”
Hisheadtilted,hiseyesleavingmineandroamingallovermyfaceforamomentthatseemedtostretchtoolong.Therewassomethingnewthere,inhisexpression.Somethingthathadnothingtodowithsadness.Somethingthatmademeshiftinplace.
“MynonnaarrivedinEnglandwiththechangeinherpocketandahandfulofjewelrythatwasn’tworthmuch,”Cameronoffered,raisinghishandandshowingmehispinky.“Thisisthepieceshetreasuredthemost.Itbelongedtoherfather,andmyowndadgaveittomewhenIturnedeighteen.”Heexhaledthroughhisnose,slowly.Asifheneededthetime.“ThisisallIhaveleftfromher,myroots.That,aheadfullofdarkhair,andaragùrecipesheusedtomakeforcelebrationsorbaddays.”
Atsunamiofquestionssweptthroughmeaswesatthere,onthatrock,insilence,withtheboogiebeatsechoingacrossthelake.And,God,I’dneverwantedtoaskeverysingleoneofthemsobadinmylife.IwantedtoforgetI’dbeenhidingfromCameronandIdidn’treallylikehim.Iwantedtopretendhedidn’tthinkIwassomeannoyingspoiledwomanhehadtoputupwithandaskallabouthim.
“Youdohavegreathair.”
Cameronchuckled.Andthatchuckledidn’thelp.Thewayhewaslookingatmedidn’t,either.
Ifacedaway,anothershiverrockingmeheadtotoeasmuchastheskinofmyfacewasburningwith…whateverIwasfeeling.
Somethingfellonmyshoulders.
Itwasheavyandsoftandwarm.Itwaspaddedflannel.
“Cameron—”
“Don’t,”hesaid,shakinghishead.“It’scold.Andyou’vebeenshiveringallnight.”
Mylipspoppedopen.Iwantedtocomplain.Buthewasright,andforonce,Ididn’tthinkIhadtheenergytofight.Iinhaleddeeply,tiredly,burrowingmyselfintohisjacket.Ifilledmylungswithhisscent.
“Thanks,”Ibreathedout,ignoringhowunbelievablygoodit—he—smelled.“I…appreciatethisexpressionofhumandecencyonyourside.Andacceptit.”
Cameronsighed,andIknewherememberedhisownwords.“I’llacceptthatyouthinkIhavegreathair.IalsobelieveIdo.”
Istartedsmiling,andasmylipsbent,Cameron’sgazedippedtomymouth.Inthedistance,themusiccametoanabruptstopthatwasfollowedbyoneloudandboisterouslyclatteringsound.Asifaninstrumenthadfallentothegroundandshattered.Webothstartedtoturn.
Butadistressedbaastoppedus.Itwasloud,andjustasboisterous.
AnditwasalsoBrandy.
Losingherever-lovinggoatmind.
Myarmsreachedoutinherdirection.“That’sokay,Brandy,”IsaidinwhatIhopedwasasoothingtone.“You’refine.Thatwasjustalittlescare.Butyou’reokay,Ipromise.”
ButBrandywasn’tokay.Andshewasn’tsoothed,either.Herheadswayedsidetosideandherpawshitthegroundbackandforth.Itdidn’ttakeavet,azoologist,orevenapersonwhowasmildlyinformedaboutgoatstoknowthatthepooranimalwasrattledtohercore.
Helpless,Ireachedoutagain.
Brandyjumpedtotheside,almosthittingalogthathadbeenrestingagainsttherockweweresittingon.Ilungedmyselftostoptheblindanimalfromhurtingherself.ButImissed.Again.
“Adalyn,”Cameronwarned,hisvoicerightbehindme.“Letme—”
“No,”Iinterjected.Becausehewasscaredofthem.Icouldn’tpossiblyexpecthimtocalmthegoat.
SoIresumedmyquest,reachingforapanickedBrandy,butI—
Lookeddown,andfoundatrailofanxiety-inducedpoo.
“OhGod,”IsaidasIveeredfortheoppositeside.ButBrandywasstilldistraught—andtherefore,verymuchpoopingallovertheplace.“Brandy,”Itriedagain,seeingCamerondashformeoutofthecornerofmyeye.“Cameron,no,”Iwarnedhim,thrustingonehandinhisdirectionandtheotheroneinthedirectionofBrandy.“Thegoat,”Iexplained,watchinghowBrandytwirledandheadbuttedintomysidewithenoughforcetopushmeastepback.“Thepoo,”Iadded,steppingonsomethingsoftandfeelingmyshoeslideforward.“Theflannel!”Ifinished,miraculouslymanagingtograspthejacketwithbothhandsandthrowitupintotheair.
Ilandedonmyass.
“JesusChrist,Adalyn,”Cameronbarked.“Areyouokay?”
“Tellmeyourjacketissafe,”Iansweredfromtheground,blinkingatthenowdarkskyaboveme.Hmm,pretty.“AndI’mfine.Thegoatpoosoftenedtheblow.”
Mysuitontheotherhand?Notsomuch.
Aheadpoppedintomyfieldofvision.Hislipswereinanangrypout.Handscamearoundmyarms.Sides.Head.Neck?Ididn’tknow,becausebeforeIknewhow,orwherehishandshadbeen,Iwasuprightandthehandsweregone.
“Hey,”Icomplained.“Iwasfinedownthere.Thatwasanintentionaltrip.”Hisbrowsarched.“Iwaslookingatthestars?”Itried.Cameron’snostrilsflared.“Fine.Ifell.Butyoucan’tbemad,becauseIsavedtheflannel.AndIreallywaslookingatthestars.”
“Fuckthejacket—”hestarted.
Butsomethingbehindhimdistractedme.Brandy.Headingforthewater.
“Ohno.”IsprintedaroundCameron.“Brandy!”
Cameronmurmuredsomething,ormaybeheshoutedit,Ididn’tknow.AndIdidn’t—couldn’t—care.Iwastoobusyjumpingintoknee-highfreezingwatertomakesureablindsix-month-oldgoatnamedBrandy,whosepoopIwascoveredin,didn’tdrown.
CameronCaldaniandhisstupidflanneljacketwouldneedtowait.CHAPTERSEVENTEEN
Adalyn
IfIthoughtCameronhadbeenexasperatingwhenhe’dbeenindifferenttowardworkingwithme,thatwasbecauseIhadnoideahowCameronwaswhenhewasactuallyinvolved.
“You’rebeingstubborn,”hetoldmewiththatannoyingarchofhisbrow.
“Me?”Iscoffed.“You’retheonewho’sbeencomplainingaboutthecolorschemeforthenewuniformsforafullhour.Honestly,forsomeonewhodressesintechnicalwearthatcomesincolorslikeSmolderBlue,NorthernBlack,orRockyGray,youseemverykeenondecidingwhatshadeofgreenthesocksshouldbe.”
Heletoutagrunt.
Thefifthoneinthelasthour.Asifhewassome…bear-man.
“What’swrongnow?”Iasked.“DidIoffendyourfashionsensebysayingthetruth?”
“Thesebloodystandswe’resittingon.”Cameronshiftedinhisseat.“TheyareworsethanIthought,”hemuttered,turningrightandleftasifthebleachershadanythingelsetoofferbutahardsurfaceandanironstructurethathadseenbetterdays.“Howdoyoumanagetositherefortwowholehours,threedaysaweek?”
Irolledmyeyes.“Oh,theaudacityofmentodoubtawoman’scapacitytoendurepainanddiscomfort.”
Cameronscowled.“Pain?”
“Canyoupleasefocus?Ineedtoclosethistoday.WesaidwewoulddiscussitonMondayafterpracticeandgotnowhere.Wednesday’smeetingwasfruitlesstoo.Nowit’sThursday,thesecondgameisthiscomingSaturday,andthegirlswillplayintheolduniformsagain.Doyouseetherush?”
“Notreally,”hehadthenervetoanswer.
Nowthatoutrightpissedmeoff.“Ihavereportstofillandasuccessstorytocreate.ForthatIneedanarrativeIcontrol,asocialmediapresencetogeteyesontheteam,astrategytowintheSixHills,andateamdressedindecent,up-to-datesponsoreduniforms.SofarIhavenoneofthat.”
“Youhaveme.”
Thatstupidblushreturned,andImademyselfgivehimablandlook.“Yay.”
ButasironicasIintendedthat,somethingheavyandunexpectedsettleddeepinmybelly.IreallydidhaveCameron’shelpafterthatsuddenchangeofheartduringlastSaturday’sgame.I’dseentheshiftinhowheranpracticethisweek.Cameronhadbeenalotlessresignedlypatientandmore…assertive.Bossy.Andtomysurprise,insteadofrebellingorcomplaining,thechaoticragtagteamthathadbeentheGreenWarriorshadgonesofarastolookdisciplined.
Forliketenpercentofthetime.
Cameron’slargebodyshiftedagain,sidetrackingmewhenthesideofhiskneecollidedagainstmine.AnunexpectedshivercrawleddownmyspineatthewarmcontactofhisskinagainstthethinfabricofthechinosIwaswearinginanattempttolooklessscaryandmoreapproachable.Mygazefellonhisbareknee,thankstotheworkoutshortshereligiouslyworetopractice.Myeyestrailedupward,alonghisquad.Thefabrichadriddenupandhisskinwasondisplay,smooth-lookingand—
Ugh.Iwasdoingitagain.Oglingthisman’sbody.
“You’recold,”hestatedfrommyside.“Again.Whenareyougoingtofinallyunderstandthatyou’renotinMiamiandtheseflimsyclothesarenotenough?”
“I’mnotcold,”Ilied.Iwassimplyaffectedbythebriefcontactofhisleg.“I’mannoyed.Andmyclothesarenotflimsy.”Ilifteduptheforgottenbinderfrommylap.“Ifyouwanttoparticipateinthedecisionprocessofthenewuniforms”—andthematchingtracksuithedidn’tapproveofbutIwasorderinganyway—“wesettleononenow.Otherwise,I’lllookforsomeoneelse’sinput.”
“Youdon’thaveanybodyelse.”
Ididn’t.
BesidesJosie,andmaybeGrandpaMoe,notasinglesoulinGreenOakwasremotelyinterestedintalkingtome,muchlessworkingwithme.DianewasstilldoublingasaPTAvigilante.ButIwasn’tcomplaining.IwouldalsobehesitanttobefriendthesickowhoattackedamascotandwentbythenameofLadyBirdinatoronline.
Ipulledoutmyphoneandopenedmymessagesapp.
Cameroncranedhisneck.“Whoareyoutexting?”
Ikeptmyeyesonthescreen,ignoringhownearhe’dmoved,andselectedafewofthepicturesI’dtakenduringSaturday’sgame.“Someonewhomightactuallyhelp.”
“Matthew,”Cameronmurmured.“Isthatyourdaddy?”
ThatstungmorethanIexpected.NotbecauseCameronhadimpliedmorethanoncethatIwasspoiled,butbecauseIdidn’tthinkmyfatherwouldanswerifItextedhim.AllI’dgottenfromhiminthelastdayswasamessagefromhissecretarytoconfirmtheenergydrinkissuewasbeinglookedat.Notevenaquickcheck-in.“He’smybestfriend.”
ItwasstupidtoaskMatthew,butIwastryingtoproveapoint.
Cameronexhalednoisily,hiswholebodymovingwiththereleaseofair.Thesideofhisquadpressedagainstthesideofmine.“Adalyn,I—”
Myphonepinged.
“Thereyougo,”Isaid.“Quick.Efficient.Alwayswilling.”
CamerongrumbledsomethingIignoredinfavorofreadingMatthew’stextsoutloud.
MATTHEW:WTF
MATTHEW:EXPLAIN.
IletoutaquickcelebratoryHa.“See?NowthisisexactlytheinvolvementIwaslookingfor.Passionfordiscussion.”
ButthenIscrolleddownandI…
MATTHEW:IsthatwhoIthinkitis?
MATTHEW:WHATISHEDOINGTHERE?
MATTHEW:Isthistoday????
MATTHEW:WTFADALYN
MATTHEW:ICAN’TBELIEVEYOUAREWITHCameronCaldani(!!)andyouwouldn’ttellME.
MATTHEW:WhatisheevendoinginNC?What—
Iimmediatelylockedmyphone.
Forgoodmeasure,Ibroughtittomychest.Hidit.HowhadI—Thepictures.Cameronmusthavebeeninthem.God.Myfingersclaspedthedeviceeventighter.Ididn’twantCamerontobelieveIwasgoingaroundgivingawaywherehewas.
Ilookedoverathim,comingupwithwaystoexplainmyself,butCameronwasengrossedinmybinder.Theredone.
Iblinked.
Takeitasawin,Adalyn
Ishovedmyphoneintothedepthsofmybagandclearedmythroat.“Yes.”Iscootedclosertohim.WhichIrealizedwasamistake,becauseallIcouldfeelandsmellwasCameron.Iscootedback.“Ithinkwecanmoveontostrategy,goodidea.”
“Alreadyonit,”hesaidwithoutlookingatme.
Alittlepassive-aggressivebutI’davertedacrisis,soI’dgivehimthat.“How’sthatlooking?”Iasked.“Whatdoyouhaveinmindintermsofgameplan?We’replayingagainst—”
“Rockstone,”hefinishedforme.“It’shereinyourlittlebinder.”Itwasn’tlittle,butIletthatgo,too.“Andmyplanisforthekidstopointattherightsidethistime.”
“That’sagoodstart,”Iadmittedgenuinely.“Butweshouldprobablystarttrackingsomethingmorespecific.Liketrainingplansforeveryplayertocatertotheirindividualneeds.”Istretchedahandoverhislapandturnedafewpages,gettingtotheindividualcardsI’dprepared.“Maybeifwe—”Ifelttheweightofhisstareonmyprofile.“Whyareyoulookingatmelikethat?”
Cameron’sheadtilted,andwhenhespoke,thankstomyleaninginoverhim,hiswordsfellonmytemple.“You’vegotasectionformeinyourbinderofhell?”
Idid.Butfiledawayinaboxinmyhead.Somethingelseinmyheadrightnow?Howclosehisfacewastomine.Ijerkedback.“Don’tspeaklikethataboutmybinder”wasallIcouldsay.
AdeepchucklerumbledoffCameron,asifIwasthisamusingthinghecouldpoke.
“Thisisprovingveryunproductive,”Itoldhim.“Let’scallitadayandgohome.”
Allamusementvanished,andhisshoulderswentasfarassinking,evenifalmostimperceptibly.“Ada,darling,”hesaidwithanexhale.
Ada,darling.
Thatwasnew.I’dneverbeencalledsomethinglikethat.Itwas…musicalandbeautifulandhearingCameronsayitmademefeelstrange.NotlikebeingcalledAddyorAdsdid,butdifferent.IdecidedIwouldn’tlikeit.
Cameron’sexpressionshiftedagain,asifsomethingwasdawning,finallymakingsense.Ipanickedbutthen,whathadtobehisphonerangfromhispocket,providingmewithaneasyout.
Relieved,Iwatchedhimreluctantlypullthedeviceoutofthefrontpocketofhisjacketandcheckthescreen.Hestraightened,hisdemeanorchanginginstantly.“Ineedtotakethis.Excusemeforaminute.”
Andjustlikethat,hewasswiftlyclimbingdownthestandsandIwasleftthere,watchinghowthemusclesinthosesculptedcalvesdancedwitheverystride.
“AndI’mdoingitagain,”Itoldmyself.“Oglinghim.”
Iexhaled,grabbingthebinderfromwhereCameronhadleftitandhuggingittomyself.IthoughtbacktoMatthew’strailoftexts.IfIwaslucky,hewouldn’tjumponaflightandplanthimselfonCameron’sdoorsteptogethisforeheadsigned.OrknowingMatthew,hisasscheek.Or—
“Hi!”
Thebinderwasalmoststartledoutofmygrasp.
“Oops,”Maríasaid.“DidIscareyou,MissAdalyn?I’msorry.SometimesI’mtooloud.”
IsmoothedmyexpressionintowhatIhopedwasanicesmile.“You’renevertooloud,María,”Itoldher,andforsomereason,somethingmymothersaidcametomind.“Andyoushouldneverapologizeforbeingloud.Whoevermakesyoufeelthatwayistheonewithsensitiveears.”
Shemadeaface.“Thatmakesalotofsense.”Shenoddedslowly.“Wasthatwhyyouwerestaringatthebackofhishead?WereyoustaringatCoachCamouflage’sears?”
Isighed.“Iwas…wonderingwhatconditionerheuses.Hishairlookssoshinyandbrightallthetime.”
Herbrowsknitinthemiddleofherforehead.“Idon’tthinkI’veeverusedconditioner.DadbuysalltheshowerproductsforthehouseandTonyhelpsmeoutwithmyhair.”Iglancedupatthewayherhairwasinsomelopsidedponytailtoday.“MaybeIcanaskDadtogetmeone.”
Ilookedatthegirlwhohadalwaystreatedmedifferentlythaneveryoneelse,tryingtorememberifshehadevermentionedhermother.Itwasn’tanyofmybusiness,anditwouldbeextremelyinappropriatetoaskachildaboutsomethinglikethat,buttherewassomethingaboutthisparticularkidthatmademewanttoknow.
Ateenageremergedaroundthecornerofthestandscarryingaplankofwood,distractingmefromthethought.
“Ohyeah,”Maríasaid,whileIgawkedattheunexpectedsightbehindher.“TonyandDadareworkingonthesupplyshed.Rememberhowweaccidentallybrokethedoorandmadeamess?Come,I’llintroduceyou,MissAdalyn.They’lllikeyou,Ipromise.”
AndbeforeIknewwhatwashappening,Maríawaspullingmebehindherallthewaytowhereherbrotherandfatherwereworking.
Whenwereachedthem,MaríatuggedatmyhandandIblurtedoutaveryloud“Hi.”
Tony,ateenageboythatwasalllegsandarmswhohadbeenintheprocessofplacingtheplankofwoodI’dseenonhisshoulderagainstaworkbench,droppedthethingtotheground.
Hisfathercursed.
Maríachuckled.
“I’msosorry,”Irushedout.
“Tonyhassuchsensitiveears,”Maríaquipped.
Tonyturnedaround.“Howaboutyouclipit,youlittlemonster—”Hespottedme,hisfaceturningcherryred.Heseemedtochoke.“Oh.Hello,ma’am.”
“IgnoreTony,”Maríachirped.“Hegetslikethatwhengirlsarearound.”Theteenager’seyeswidened.“Hey,Dad?ThisisMissAdalyn,rememberItoldyouabouther?”
Themanwasalreadywalkingaroundtheworkbenchandtakingoffapairofsecuritygloves.“It’shardtoforget,”hesaidwithasmilethatimmediatelyremindedmeofhisdaughter.“You’reallshetalksabout.”Hestretchedoutahand.“I’mRobbieVasquez,pleasedtofinallymeetyou.”
Itookhishandandshookit.“It’sgreattomeetyou,too,Mr.Vasquez.”
Alightheartedlaughterrolledoffhistongue.“Please,Robbieisallright.”Hereleasedmyhandandslippedhisglovesbackon.“It’snicetofinallybeabletoputafacetothenameeveryoneintownischatteringabout.Iwouldhavelovedtointroducemyselfduringthegoathappyhourbuttherewasanemergencyatthecowbarn.”
Maríatuggedatmyhand,andIlookeddownather.“Carmenhasn’tbeeneating.Ithinkshe’ssadbecauseSebastianwentmissingweeksago.”
“Carmenthe…cow?”Iventured.“AndSebastianthe…”
“Therooster,”Maríaoffered.“SebastianStan,MissJosienamedhim.Itwasmybirthdaypresent.”
“Thatwouldbethem.”Robbiechuckled.“Maríalikesforalltheanimalswehavetobenamed.ButCarmen’sstomachisallrightnow.Nothingtoworryabout.”
TonyapproachedusshylybeforeIcouldaskanyfurtherquestions.Hisfacewasstillred,andhiseyeswerecastdown.“Alltheplanksareoutofthetruck.CanIruntoJosie’sforaminute?”
Hisdadclickedhistongue.“Fine,”herelented.Andtheteendidn’twastetimeturningaround.“Buttakeyoursisterwithyou,”Robbieadded,bringingtheteenagertoastop.“Andbebackinfive.Tops.We’vegotworktodo.”
Tonyshookhishead,buthestretchedanarm,stickinghishandout.
Maríashotrunninginherbrother’sdirection,latchingontotheoutstretchedlimb.“I’llbringyouabrownie,MissAdalyn,”shecalledoverhershoulder.“You,too,Dad!”
Robbielaughed,butcalledback,“Gracias,bichito.”
TheSpanishwordsechoedinmymind.Apartofmefeltencouragedtoexploitthatconnection.Wehadsomethingincommon,afterall.Alanguage.Maybeaculture,too.I’dknowifIasked.Thatwaswhatmymotherwoulddo.ButI…Ididn’tknowhow.Mymindblankedinsituationslikethese.WhatifthemantalkedtomeinSpanishanddiscoveredthatminewasn’tverygood?WhatifheexpectedmetobesomethingIwasn’tandthenturnedouttobedisappointed?Heseemedtolikemejustfinefornow.
Mygazeroamedaround,desperatelysearchingforsomethingtosay,andcomingtoastopwhenIspottedaMiamiFlameshoodiethrownoveratoolbox.
“Areyouafan?”Iasked,noddingatit.
“Tonyis,”headmitted,aslowsmilepartinghisface.“Theboy’scrazyaboutsoccer.WatcheseverythingandanythinghefindsonTV,orhisphone.”Ashakeofhishead.“I’mnotoneforsports,honestly,buttheirmotherwas.He,uh…”Hissmilefell.“Hetookafterherinthatway.Maríadoes,too,Iguess.”
Was.Theirmotherwas.
Iwrackedmyheadagaintosaysomethingappropriateandnotbringthisconversationtoanawkwardhalt.“IworkfortheMiamiFlames,”Irushedout.“IknowMiamiisnotexactlyaroundthecorner,butIcouldgetyouticketstoagame.Youguyscouldmakeatripoutofit.MiamiwillbeagoodbreakfromthecoldbythetimetheFlamesmakeittoplayoffs.Iftheyeverdo,thatis.We’renothavingthebestseason.”
Thecheery,kindmanfellstrangelysilent.
“I’mtheheadofcommunicationsoftheteam,”Ifelttheneedtoexplain.“Well,I…was.I’monatemporaryleave—break.I’monabreak.”RobbiefrownedandIshiftedmyfeet.“ThatsoundslikeIwasfired,butIwasn’t.Icangetthethreeofyougoodtickets,Ipromise.Myfatheristheowner.He,uh—”Iswallowed,andGod,Ididn’tevenknowwhyIwasramblingtothisman.“AndrewUnderwood.I’mhisdaughter.So,evenifI’mtechnicallyonabreakI’mstillabletogetticketsfor,er,people.Yes.”
Robbie’sexpressionclosedoff.Heeventookastepback.“Butyourname,”hesaid.“It’sReyes.Ididn’tthink—”Hestoppedhimself.
I…Ididn’tunderstandwhatI’dsaidtopossiblyoffendhim.WasherealizingthatIwasthecrazywomanfromthevideothewholetownwastalkingabout?“Iusemymother’slastname.”IclaspedmyhandssoIwouldn’tfidget.“AndIpromise,thekidsaresafewithme.That—”
“Thanksfortheoffer,miss,”heinterjected.“ButI’mafraidIcan’tacceptthetickets.We’vealreadytakenmorecharitythanI’mcomfortablewith.”
Charity.
Thetermseemedtohitmeharderthanitshouldhave.PerhapsbecauseI’daccusedCameronofthesamething.Robbie’sandmyreactionsweren’tthatfaroff.SoIshouldn’tbeallthathurt.OnlyI’dtriedtobenice.ThiswasMaría’sdad,andI’dwantedtodosomethingforhimandhiskids.Itwouldn’thurttohavesomeonebesidesJosieonmyside.Icouldn’tunderstandhowithadbackfiredsomiserably.
“Isthereaproblem?”adeep,accentedvoicesaidbehindme.
Somethinghappenedinmybodythen,somethingthatfeltalotlikerelief.ReliefatCameronCaldanibeingthere.Here.Itdidn’tmakesense.
Robbie’seyeslockedonapointovermyhead.Heopenedhismouth.
“Everything’sfine,”Iinterjected.“IwaspesteringMr.Vasquezandnotlettinghimdohiswork.NowthatIthinkofit,Ineverarrangedfortherepairsoftheshed.DidJosiecallyou?Itwasmymesstoclean,andI’dliketotakecareofit.SowhoshouldIseeaboutthecost?”
“It’salltakencareof,miss,”Robbieanswered.
Sowereallywerebacktothemiss.“But—”
“Itdoesn’tmatter,”Cameroninterrupted.Hecametomysideandtookagoodlookatme.Hisexpressionchanged.Somethingflashedbehindhiseyes.Concern?“Now,where’sthatbinderwithyourdetailedfifteen-stepplantomakemylifeallthemorecomplicated?I’dliketogohome.”
Mr.Vasquez’sbrowsshotup.
Yeah,notconcern.WhateverkindofreliefIthoughtI’dfelthadbeenalapseinjudgment.Clearly.
Isaidvery,verycalmly,andwiththatsmileIknewhefoundsoappalling,“Doyouknowwhat?”
“Idon’tknowwhat.”Hislipsmirroredmine,tilting.“Butyou’regonnatellmeanyway,aren’tyou,darling?”
Thatstupiddarlingcameback.Itangeredme.
“You.”Iplantedafingeronhisunshockinglyhardchest.“Canreallybeanass.”
Helookeddownatmyindexfingerasitimpaledhisleftpec.Aneyebrowrose.“Ithinkyoucandobetterthanthat.”Hisgazemetmineagain.Therewasachallengeinthere.“Ididinsultyourbinder.Again.Ideservealittlemore.”
Hedid.Inarrowedmyeyes,thewordsdancingonthetipofmytongue.
“Comeon,darling,”hesaid,loweringhisvoice.“Letitoutforme.”
Letitoutforme?Whodidhethinkhewas?
“You.”Istabbedhischestwithmyfinger.Angerswirlingupmythroat.“YouaresoexasperatingthatIcan’t.”Anotherjab.“Ican’twithyou,youstubborn,know-it-all,curmudgeonofaman!”
MywordshungintheairasCameronlookedatmewithafaceIdidn’tunderstand.Afacethatwasn’tfrustratedorangryorevenremotelyunhappy.Infact,itwastheopposite.
“What’sacurmudgeon?”Maríasaid.“IsitthethingthatGrandpaMoegotonhisbutt?”
Iturnedmyheadslowly,confirmingMaríaandTonyhadreturned.Thenine-year-oldwasholdingagrease-stainedbrownboxandtheteenwaslookingdownathissisterwithanexpressionofpurehorror.
“Shutup,María,”Tonywhisperedloudly.Butthenheturnedtowardus.AndhiseyeslandedonCameron.Theywidened.
“Why?”shecontinued,glancingupatherbrother.“Theyweretalkingaboutasses,andCoachKisscamalwayslookslikehe’sangryaboutsomething.”
Tonyremainedsilent,hisfaceetchedinamixofshockandawethatIrecognizedwell.Hewasstarstruck.ThekidhadtoknowexactlywhoCameronwasanditlookedalotlikehewasfindingoutforthefirsttime.“Don’tcallhimthat,”hemurmured,comingintohimself.“He’sCameron—”
“He’sjustCameron,”Isteppedforward.Meetingtheteenager’seyes.Myvoicehadbeenalittleharsh.Iclearedmythroat.“OrCoachCam.”Isteppedback.“Andweshouldreallyheadhome.”
Therewasabeatofsilence.
Maríasighed.“Honestly,Iwouldbeangry,too,ifIhadagiantthingonmybu—”
Tonypinchedherside.“Clipit,stinkymonster.”
“Hey!”Maríacomplained.“I’mnotamonster!AndonedayI’mgoingtobeaboss-ladylikeMissAdalyn.AndI’llkickyourasswithmyhighheelslikeIknowshedoestoanyonethatcallsherstinky.”
MychestfeltlikeithadbeenfilledwithconcreteandI…God.
Allthefightescapedme.
Icouldn’tbelievehoworwhysomeonewouldsaythatwhenIwasnothingbutatrainwreckwhoapparentlycalledinfuriatingmennameswithminimalprovocation,rippedmascotheadsoffcostumes,wasthefaceofanenergydrinkthatpraisedentertainmentoverdignity,andfellintogoatpoo.
I’dneverbeenlikedoradmiredbyanyonethatfiercely.LikeMaríaseemedtodo.
Ahandfellonthesmallofmyback,andwhenIwastold,almosttoosoftly,“Let’sgogetyourthings,darling.I’llwalkyoutoyourcar,”Iwent.Notevenquestioningwhenthatverysamehanddroppedandbrushedthebackofmineaswewalkedaway.
IwasbeginningtounderstandjusthowexhaustedIwasfromquestioningeverysinglethinginlife.CHAPTEREIGHTEEN
Adalyn
WewereattheVasquezfarmagain.
Onlythistime,thereweren’tanyyogamatsorfluffyfarmanimalsjumpingandbleatingaround.ItwasaFridayevening,thesunhadalreadyset,andIwasholdingmyrightlimited-editionManoloBlahnikinmyhands.
Cameronkilledtheengineofhistruckandgotoutofthevehicle.Hewordlesslypointedattheshoeandshotmeaquestioningglance.
“Theheelsnapped,”Iexplainedinanunamusedtone.BecausehowwouldIbeamused?InonehandIliftedthebeautiful,lavishstilettoI’dbeenstupidenoughtowear,theheelintheotherhand.“WhileIwaswaitingforyou.”
ThetruthwasI’dbeenpacing.Onpebbledandclearlydangerousterrain.ButhewaslateandI…Well,Ihadn’twantedtoventurealoneintothebarnwheretonight’sactivitywastakingplace.CameronCaldaniwasn’tgoodcompany,buthewasthelesserevil.
Cameronfrowned.Hefrowned.Likehedidn’tunderstand.ThelastthingIneededwasattitude.“Don’tlookatmelikethat,”Ideadpanned.
“Likewhat?”Hefinallycrossedthedistancebetweenusandstoppedinfrontofme.Hisgazedippedandstoppedatmynakedfoot.Hesighed.“Maybeifyouweren’tparadingaroundinthosebloodythings.Butthat’snothingIhaven’ttoldyoubefore.”
“?‘Inthosebloodythings’?”Iwasoutragedonbehalfofmyshoes.“TheseareManoloBlahniks.”Hislipsbentdownward,asifthenamedidn’tringanybell.Ipushedthelooseheelintomypocketandreturnedtheremainderoftheshoetomyfoot.“Don’tpretendyoudon’tknowhowmuchtheseareworth.YoulivedinL.A.foryears,”Itoldhim,turningaround.“AndyouevendatedJasmineHill.”Istartedmarchingforward.“Noonedatesafashionbrandambassadorandcomesoutofthatrelationshipunchanged.Notevensomeonewhodressesinmoss-greenorboulder-graytechnicalpantsmostofthetime.”
IfCameronthoughtanythingaboutmeknowingenoughabouthisdatinghistorytoreferencehisonlyknownrelationshipbyname,hedidn’tsay.Good.I’dpurposefullyoutedmyselfinordertomakeapointandobtainwhatIwanted:silence.
“Letmehelpyoutothebarn,”hesaid,suddenlythere,rightbehindme.“Youcan’tevenwalkinthatbrokenBananaTonic.”
Somuchforthatsilence.“Idon’tneedhelp.I’llcontinuetoparade,asyouputit,andrisktheconsequences.”
Asnickerlefthim.
Iignoredit—andthewayhehoveredsoclosebehindme—andlimpedtherestofthewaytothebarn.Whenwereachedtheentrance,hisarmstuckout,thatlargepalmpushingthewoodendooropenforme.
“Temperbeforeage,”hemurmuredagainstmytemple.
Itriedtoignorethat,too,butthewaveoftingleshisbreathcreatedonmyskinmademywillwaver.
SomeonesquealedandbeforeIcouldsetafootinside,Iwasbeingwrappedinahug,squeezed,released,andthenpulledintothebarn.
“You’refinallyhere!”Josieexclaimed.“Wewerewaitingforyoutwo.”
“Wewereheldup,”Cameronmuttered.“ByaruinedpairofManolos.”
Ishothimaglance.Soheknew.Hemorethanknew.OnlypeoplewhodidcalledthemManolos.
“Now,that’sjustterrible,”Josiecrooned,makingmereturnmyattentiontoher.Igawkedforamoment,distractedbytheyellowdungareesshewore.“Oh,honey,no.Youcan’twearthatforourpotteryclass.Tonight’sMuddyandMighty,andit’scalledthatforareason.”
“Butmyclothesarefine,”Icountered,lookingdownatmyself.“AndIpromise,themissingheeldoesn’tevenbothermethatmuch.”Itwastheworkoutmycalvesdidn’tneed,butI’dsuckitupandbeonmytiptoesallnightifIhadto.
Josielinkedoneofherarmswithmine,movingusforward.“I’msureyoucandoaboutanythingatanygiventime,you’relikeourownSuper-boss-lady.”Thatseemedlikeastretch.“ButIwon’tletyouruinthatbeautifulblouse.Orpants.Notontopofthealreadyfallenshoe.RIP.”Herheadturnedtolookoverhershoulder.“Cam,sweetheart,gojointhegroup.I’llbethereinaminute.”
Sweetheart?Myheel-lesslimbwobbled.HowfamiliarwereCameronandJosie?Andhow—Ididn’tcare.They’dbeenfriendsbeforeIgothere.Itwasn’timportant.
Oranyofmybusiness.
Josiedraggedmeallthewaytothefarendofthebarnandpushedmeintosomekindofchangingroomthatconsistedoftwofoldablescreensbeforedisappearingforaninstant.Whenshewasback,sheshovedsomethinginmyhandswithasmile.“Comeoutwhenyou’reready.”
Ilookeddown.
Itwasoveralls.Pink.Andsneakers.Alsopink.
Ithoughtbacktomygrowingpileoflaundry.Myfallenshoe.
Overallsitis.
“Youlooksocute,”JosiesaidwhenIrejoinedthegroup.Shegavemeaonce-over,herfacebrightening.“Theylooksomuchbetteronyouthantheydoonme.Youknowwhat?Youshouldkeepthem.”
Idoubtedthatwastrue.Aglanceattheborrowedclothestoldmetheylookedastightaroundmyhipsandchestastheyfelt.“That’s…verykindofyou.Thanks.”
“Ofcourse,”shesaidwithawink.“Yourworkstationwillbethere.Rightatthefront.”Shepointedattheleft.“Ihadtophysicallydragthatmantothefrontoftheclass,bytheway.”Ifollowedherfingerwithmyeyes,stumblinguponawidetorsocoveredinayellowapronwithtinydaisiesonit.“Canyoudosomethingtomakehimstopscowling?”
MyeyesrosetoCameron’sface.Hedidn’tlookhappy.Hewassulkyandfrownyandremindedmeofawetcat.Itmademewanttosmile.“Idon’tthinkIcan,actually.Ithinkthat’shisface.”
Thecornerofhismouthtwitched.
“Cam?”Josiesaidinanoverlysweettone.“WillyoubeadollandshowAdalynhowtoworkthewheel?Yousaiditwasn’tyourfirsttimethrowingabowl.Andtoday’sreallybusy.”
Ilookedaround,takingintheamplespaceinsidethebarnandfindingsmallgroupsofpeoplegatheredaroundwaist-hightabletops.MyeyesspottedDiane,whowaspretendingnottolookthisway.
IturnedtowardJosie.“Ithinkthislooksalittleadvancedforme.I’mabeginner.”
Josiechuckled.“Apotteryvirgin.”Shesmiled.Icringed.“Don’tworry,you’llbeingoodhands.”Shegavemyshouldersapushinthedirectionofmyworkstation.Andthescowlyman.“Comeon,courageconquersallthings.Evenpottery!”
IreluctantlystumbledtoCameron’sside.
Hiseyesdipped,hisjawclampingdown.“Cuteoveralls.”
“Cuteapron,”IansweredwhileJosiestartedshoutinginstructionsinthebackground.“Thedaisiesreallybringoutyoureyes.”
Hehuffedoutachuckle.
Imadeafaceathim,andhisgazedippeddownagain.Quickly.Wickedlyfast.ButIcaughtit.Iresistedtheurgetotugattheoveralls.
“So,youknowhowthisworks?”Ipointedatthewheelassembledontopofthehighbench.
Cameron’shandenteredmyfieldofvision.Heflippedaswitchonitsside,makingtheplaterotateslowly.
“Isthereanythingyoudon’tknowhowtodo?”
Hemadeashowofthinkingabouthisanswerandhadtheaudacitytolooksmugwhenhesaid,“No.”
“Perfect!”Josieexclaimed,startlingmewiththesuddenclosenessofhervoice.Sheclappedherhands.“You’veturnedonthewheel!Yay!”Thenshescurriedawayagain,praisinghowtherapeuticpotterywasinwhatI’dlearnedwashermonitorvoice.
“Jesus,”Iwhispered,pattingmychest.“Howdoesshedothat?”
Camerondidn’tanswer,insteadhedrawled,“Seemslikewe’rethrowingabloodybowl,then.”
“Yay,”Imurmured,watchinghimreachoutfortheblockofmud.MygazesnappedatCameron’shands,hislongrough-lookingfingers.He’dtakenoffhisring.Iloweredmyvoice,“Icouldfigurethisoutonmyown.I’vereadaboutitandwatchedmorethanafewhow-tovideos.I’vedonemyhomework.”Hishandssplitthethingintwoandstartedshapingonehalfintoaball.“I’mserious.Youcouldjustwatch.Orleave.”
Cameronstretchedhisarminmydirection,holdingtheclayballinhishand.“Fixtheballtothewheel.”
Ihesitated.
Thatpairofforest-greeneyesstaredrightintomine.“Stopoverthinkingandfixtheballtothewheelforme,yeah?”
Hehadthatsulkylookagain,soItooktheclayfromhimandletitdropontheplatewithaheavythump.Ifrownedatit.“Holdon,whyaren’twesittingdown?”Ilookedaround.“EverythingIwatchedandreadwasdonesittingdown.I’llgetJosie—”
“Throwingwhilestandingisbetterforyourback,”hesaidmatter-of-factly,asifthatexplainedanything.“Putyourpalmsarounditandtrytosealtheedgestothesurface.”
Lipspressedinatightline,Itriedtodoasinstructed,onlymanagingtomaketheplateofthewheelturnwhenIpressedontheballeverytime.IsparedaglanceatCameron,expectingtofindhimrevelinginmyfrustration.Hewasunbotheredbymyfailedattempts.Hisexpressionwascalm.Patient.Itremindedmeofhowhetreatedthegirls.Hetiltedhisheadtotheside,stillwaiting.Ithitmethen,thathewaseitherlettingmefigureitoutonmyownorwaitingformetoaskhimforhelp.
Anunexpectedthoughtmaterialized.He’dmakesuchagreatdad.Beneaththatirate,hardfa?ade,therewaspatience.Gentlecommand.Warmthspreaddownmy—OhGod.Whydidthisthoughthavesuchaneffectonme?WhywasI…picturingthings?Ididn’tevenknowifIwantedkids.
“Yougood?”Cameronasked.
“I…”IswallowedwhenIheardmyvoicewobble.Whatwaswrongwithme?“Ican’tdothis.Onmyown.Couldyou,perhaps,maybe,hmm,help?”
Cameron’spalmsfellimmediatelyontopofmine.
Oncemore,itwasmywholebodythatfeltthetouchofhisskinagainstthebackofmyhands.Iliftedmyhead,meetinghiseyesacrossthetabletop.
“Likethis,”hesaidinalowvoice,theheelsofhispalmspressingontopofmyknuckles.“Youfeelthepressureofmyhands?DolikeI’mdoing.Feelthewaytheclaygives.”
Ilookeddown,shockedandstrangelypleasedatthesightofourhandsastheyfusedtogetherovertheclay.Iswallowed,lessreluctanttoallowhimtotakethelead,andmoreenthralledbythecontrolledmotionsbeforeme.
Withasilentnod,IstartedtakingmentalnotesasbestasIcould,whilehecontinuedthemotions.
“Letthewheelturnwiththemovement,”hesaid,andIfeltmyselfreleaseallremnantsofcontrol.I’dlethimguideme.Myhands.Completely.“Youneedtopressonthesidessoitstickstoit.”Theplateturnedwiththemotionsofourhands,hisvoiceturningintoafocusedmurmur.“Justlikethat.Yeah.That’saboutright.”
Oncetheballwasfixed,hegraspedmywristsandliftedmyhandsintheair.Hehummeddeepinhisthroat,observingourwork.
Iopenedmymouthtoaskiftherewassomethingwrong,butalltoosoon,Cameronwasreleasingmeandhishandwasflyingtowardtheclay.
Heswattedattheball.
Once,twice.Threetimes.AndI—
OhGod.WasCameronspankingtheclay?Myheartdroppedtomystomach.Whycouldn’tIstopstaringathishand?Whywasmyfacefeelinglikeflameswerelickingatmycheeks?
Ibroughtoneofmyhandstomyforehead,checkinghowmyskinfelttothetouch.Imustbecomingdownwithsomething.Thiscouldn’tpossiblymakemesohot.
Thiswasn’terotic.Thiswasjustclay.
“Seemsgoodtogo,”Cameronsaidnext,grabbingaspongeIhadn’tevenseenthere.Hewetteditinabowl.“Wecangetstartedwiththecentering.”
“Thecentering,”Irepeatedinawobblyvoice.
Henodded,andwhenthemansqueezedthespongegently,lettingafewwaterdropsfallontotheclay,Iwascertain.Ihadtobesick.Somethingwasgoingonwithme.Otherwise,Iwouldn’tbefindingthewayhiswetfingersslidaroundtheslickmaterialsosuggestive.Mythroatdried.
“Adalyn?”Hisvoicemadeitthroughtheinsanityinmyhead.
Ilookedupathim.Hiseyebrowwasarched.“Pressthepedal,darling.”
“The…what?”
“Makethewheelturn,”heinstructed,histonegentle,sogentleitfeltforeign.Asifhewastalkingtosomebodyelse.“Withthepedal.”
Mylipsbobbed,myunderstandingofbasicthingsstifledbythoseunexpectedlysuggestivevisualsoftheclay.“Whatdoyoumean?”
Cameronsighedsoftly,andsuddenlyhewasonthemove,walkingaroundthetable.
Heplacedhimselfbehindme.“You’remakingthisreallyhard,darling,”hesaid,andbeforeIcouldprocesshiscomment,hispalmlandedonmythigh.Strongfingerswrappedaroundmyleg,sliddowntomyknee.Heliftedmynownumblimb,lettingmyfootfallonsomething.Thatwarm,largehandpressedgently,hisbodycomingslightlyoverminewiththemotion.“Quitlookingatmeallsoftandsweetandfocusonpressingthepedalwithyourfoot,yeah?”
Iwasshaken—sooverwhelmedbythesuddenclosenessofCameron’sbodyandhiswords—thatinsteadofpressing,Ijerkedmylegforward,hittingthepedalwithuncontrolledforce.
Thewheelwhirled,wickedlyfast,splatteringmudallovertheplace.Us.
“Christ,”Camerongrowled,hisarmscomingaroundmybody,asiftoprotectmefromthesplashingmud,andhislegswiftlyreplacingmine.Thethingsloweddown.“Youhavetostartatagentlespeed,”heinstructed,hismouthmuch,muchcloserthanithadbeenafewsecondsago.Rightbesidemytemple.Hislegmovedagain,makingmenoticehowitpressedrightagainstmine.“See?”heasked,butIdidn’tseeasinglething.NotwithCameronwrappedaroundme.“Wehavethecontrolofthewheel.Us.”
Us.
We.
Ididn’tthinkIwasbreathingbutInodded.Soenthusiasticallythatthebackofmyheadcollidedagainsthiscollarbone.“I’msorry,”Imumbled.“I…wasdistracted.”
Byyou.Yourtouch.Thewayyou’resandwichingmeagainsttheedgeofthetabletop.
Cameronreachedforthespongeagain,andhisjawbrushedmycheek.
Mybreathhitched.
Hisfellonmytemple.“Youshouldn’tbedisruptingmytrainofthoughtthiseasily,either.”
Either.Thefireinmyfacespreaddownmyneck,sneakingintothenecklineoftheoveralls.“AmIdoingthat?”
Cameronproducedasoundthatmadehischestrumble.Hegrabbedmyhandsandplacedthemonthespinningclay.“Ifit’snotwellcentered,”hesaid,increasingthespeedoftheplateandkeepinghispalmsovermineasthematerialslidbeneathmyskin.Theinsideofhisthighpressedontheoutsideofmine.Hefeltlikeafurnace.“Thewholethingwillbeoffbalance.”
Igavehimanod.ButIwasnolongerlistening.
“Pressgently,”heinstructed,drivingourhandsupwardandaroundthewetmaterial.“Thisisthewayweconetheclayup.”
Thatweagain.I…likedit.
IalsolikedthehypnotizingmotionofthewheelandtheblanketingsensationofCameron’sbodyaroundmine.Iseemedtolikeonetoomanythingsaboutthis.ThingsIshouldn’tlike.
“Justlikethat.”Hisvoicewasnowimpossiblylow,carryingthesamequalityIfeltinsidemychest.Hemovedevencloser,hisarmsswallowingmeup.“Goodjob,darling.Welldone.”
Somethinginmestirredatthesimplepraise.Iwasvaguelyawareofthishappeningbefore,butmyheartstillpounded.Itbangedagainstmyribcage,justlikeCameron’s,anditfeltgood.SogoodthatIleanedback,lettingmyheadfallagainsthischestwhileweworked.
Cameron’sexhaletickledtheskinrightbeneathmyear.“Let’stakeitbackdownnow,”hesaid,interlacingourwetfingersandsendingarushofelectricityupmyarmsatthesensation.Hemovedourhandsandtheclaychangedshape.“Thatlooksincredible.”
Thatsoftspotinmychestbatteditswings.Ihookedmythumbswithhis.
AgrumbleclimbedoutofCameron’smouth.
Theflutterintensified,makingmeshortofbreath.Iwantedtoturnaroundandsearchhisface.SeeifhewasfeelinglikeIdid.ButIdidn’t,Ididn’twantthistogoaway.Notyet.Iwastrappedbythemoment.CapturedbythesolidpresenceofCameronandthefeelofhishands.
“It’sbeenalongtimesinceI’veheldhandswithanyone,”Iheardmyselfadmitoutloud.“Ican’tremembersomethingsosimpleeverfeelingthisway.”
Cameron’shandsfrozemomentarilyovermine.Itwasjustasecond,maybeless,butI’dseenit.Feltit.Hehesitated.
Iwasspatoutofthevacuum.
Justlikethat,Iwasnolongercalm.Orpeacefullytrappedinwhateverthiswas.ThereinsIwassobusykeepingatightholdofsnappedrightbackintomygrasp.HereIwas,tellingthismanwhowasreluctantlydoingthiswithmethathewasthefirsttoholdmyhandsinalongtime.ThathemademesomehowfeellikeI’dneverfeltbefore.Whatwasnext?Totellhimthatbesidesthatone-linerMatthewhadthrownatmealmostadecadeago,I’dneverbeenflirtedwith?Thatmyonlyseriousrelationshiphadturnedouttobealie?ThatthemanI’dthoughthadbeenreadytoproposeonceuponatimehadneverseenmeasmorethanabridgetogettomyfather?
She’ssofrigidman.So…boring.Ireallydodgedabulletthere.Toobad,becausewhentheoldmankicksthebucketshe’llprobablyinheritmostofhismoney.Butnah.Icanonlyenduresomuch.
Nah.
AsifI’dbeennothingmorethananinsipidandboringsidedishyoupassedon.
I’llpassonthecomplimentaryroastedveggies,thankyouverymuch.Butnah
Ihadn’tbeenhurt.Ididn’tcarethatDavidhadendedarelationshipthatbroughtlittletomylife.Butastimehadpassed,I’dheldontotheideathatI’dhadatleastthat.ThatonerelationshipthatprovedthatIwasn’t…cold.Dry.ThatIcouldbeloved.Desired.
SohowwasIsupposedtonotcrack?HowwasIsupposedtohearDavidlaughandsaythathe’ddatedmejusttosneakintomyfather’sempire,thatIwasabulletthatwasdodged,andnothavesomethinginmebreak?HowwasIsupposedtonotchangewhenIheardeverythinghesaidrightafterthat?
TheimageofSparkles’sheadatmyfeetcrystallizedin—
“Adalyn.”Cameron’svoicecutthroughthelouddisarrayofthoughtsinmyhead.Again.Justlikeitalwaysmanagedtodo.“Snapoutofit,darling.”Itwasangry.Roughsounding.“Comebacktome.”
Iforcedmyselftomakesenseofmysurroundings.
Theblobofclayrestedataweirdangle.
Stronghandsheldmine.
Beautiful,crookedhandsthathadbeeninjuredonetoomanytimes.Wherewasthesignetringheworearoundhispinky?
Thesoundofmyownbreathingcrystallizedinmyears.ThevacuumI’dbeensuckedinamomentago,spittingmerightout.Thiswasn’tthefirsttime.Itwasn’tthefirsttimeIfoundmyselfclosetohyperventilatinginthisman’sarms.Ihatedit.
“Wherethehelldidyougoto?”Cameronasked.AndwhenIdidn’tanswer,histhumbsstartedtracingidlecirclesonthetopofmyhands.“Howlonghaveyoubeenexperiencingpanicattacks?”
Myspinestiffened.“Idon’t—I—”Panicattacks?“Thatwasn’tapanicattack.”Itcouldn’tbe.
Couldit?
Cameronhummeddeepinhisthroat,andIdidn’tknowwhetheritwasinagreementorcomplaint.Hereleasedoneofmyhandsandsnaggedtheflattenedpileofmaterialfromthewheel.
“Isitruined?”Iaskedhim,hatinghowmyvoicesounded.
Hediscardeditontheside.“Itis,yeah.”
Ofcourseitwas.
Afteralongmomenthesaid,hisvoicestillgentle,histonekind,hisarmsaroundme,“Darling?”
“Maybeyouwereright,”Iadmitted,notevenbotheringtocareIwasnotmovingoutofhisembrace.“Maybethatwasapanicattack.”
“Okay,”hesaidquickly.“ButIwasgoingtosaysomethingelse.”
“Thatthiswasastherapeuticasakickontheshin?”
Alowchucklelefthim,andthesoundfeltdifferentfromeveryothertimehe’dchuckledbefore.“Iwasgoingtosaythateveryoneinhereisstaringatus.AndasmuchasIdon’treallymind,weeithermove,orwe’llbeeverythingeverybodywillbetalkingabouttomorrow.”
Myheadsnappedup.Ilookedaround.
Cameronwasright.
Aflattire.
Afreakingflattire.
Ibracedmyhandsonmyhips,noticingthesplattersofclayonmyborroweddungarees.Great.YetanotherthingI’dhavetothrowatthegiantpileoflaundryIalreadyhad.
HereIthoughtthathavingtowashmyunderwearbyhandandhangitouttodryontheantlershadbeenthelowestpointthisweek.Ofcoursenot.TherewasthestupidpanicattackIjusthad.Mestormingoffoutofthebarnbeforethepotteryclassfinished.Andnowthis.IglancedbackatthetireandIshookmyhead.Pressureclampeddowninthemouthofmystomach.IwonderedifIwasgoingtocry.
Ipattedmyeyes.Dry.ThenotionofmestillnotabletofigureoutwhenthelasttimeI’dshedatearcameback.Abitterlaughescapedmymouth.
Anotheronefollowed,becauseGod,Iwasamess.BeforeIknewwhatwashappening,Iwascacklingatthedarkskyabovemyhead.Iletoutmyfrustration.Althoughitquicklyturnedintoanger.Disbelief.Desperation.“Shit,”Iheardmyselfbreatheoutwithahumorlesslaugh.“Fuck.”Thecacklingdiedout.Myeyesfellonthetire.Ikickedit.“Screwyou,youstupidgoddamnflatfuckingtire!”
“Thatescalatedquickly.”
Mywholebodystilled.Mybackstiffened.
“Motherfucker,”Imurmured.BecauseIneversworebutIwasallowingmyselftohavethisonemoment.
“Ohwow,”Cameronsaid,andIheardhisstepscomingcloser.“Pleasedon’tstoponmybehalf.I’mratherenjoyingthis.”
Ilookedovermyshoulder,findinghimwiththeamusedexpressionIexpectedfromhistone.“Alwayshappytohearabouthowmymisfortuneamusesyou.”
Hesoberedup.“Itdoesn’t,”hecountered,hisgazegoingupanddownmybody.Swiftlybutthoroughlyenoughtomakemepause.Histhroatworked.“It’syouwhoamusesme,Adalyn.AndIcan’tevenfigureoutexactlywhy.Whichbothersme.Andfascinatesme.”
Ishookmyhead.“Isthatsupposedtobeacompliment?”
“HellifIknow,darling,”hesaid,kneelingdown.Hecheckedthetireandstraightenedbackup.“I’lldriveyoubacktoLazyElk,comeon.”
Hepulledouthistruckkeysandunlockedthedoorswithanelegantclick
Iopenedmymouth,buthecutmeoffwitha“Don’tbother.”
“HowdoyouknowIwasgoingtospeak?Youwerenotevenlookingthisway.”
“BecauseI’mnottheonlyonewhooperatesintwosinglemodes,”hedeliveredinasharptone.“Youdo,too.Youeitheroverthink,orobject.Bothtirelessly,andusuallydirectedatme.”Hethrewthecopilotdooropenandshotmealookoverthehoodofthecar.“Youdidn’tseemthatbotheredbymewhenIhadmyarmsaroundyou,sosavethecomplaintandjumpinthecar.”
Myarmsaroundyou.
Myfaceflamed.“That’sdifferent.Potteryandgettingintoanenclosedspacewithsomeonewhocouldverywellbeplanningtomurdermeandthrowmybodyintosomecreekinthewoods,hopingthatputrefactionandscavengercreaturesdismemberitinaweeksothebonessinkstraighttothebottomandalltracesoftheremainsvanisharetwoverydifferentthings.”
“Oddlyspecific.”Hetiltedhishead.“Butcreative.”Thecornerofhislipstwitched.“Ithinkyou’llsurvivethisonedrive,comeon.I’llcallRobbieonourwaybackandlethimknowyourcarwillstaythenightonthefarm.”
“That’s…completelyunrelatedtowhatIwassaying,butokay.”
Cameronshiftedonhisfeet,casuallyrestinganelbowonthehoodofthevehicle,lookinglikesomeonewhohadallthetimeintheworldtopickmywordsapart.“Okay,you’llgetinthecar?Orokay,I’llcontinuebitchingaroundouthere,inthemiddleofthenight,withoutajacketon,justtospiteme?”
Ifrowned.Spitehim?I…Allthefightleftme.“Idon’tdothingstospiteyou,Cameron.”
“Jumpinthen,”hesaid,andIsworehisvoicesoftenedlikeneverbefore.“IpromiseIwon’tfeedyoutothefish.”
“Thanks,”Iclipped,closingthedistancetohistruck.“Justfortherecord,IwanttostatethatIcouldknowhowtochangeatire.”Ididn’t.“Youmadeanassumption.”
AstrangledsoundlefthimwhenIreachedhimandslippedunderhisarmtogetinside.Iignoredit.IalsoignoredhowhorribleIfeltforbeingpurposefullydifficultandhowgoodhiscarsmelled.Justlikehedid.AndwhenCameronpushedmydoorclosed,walkedaroundthecar,foldedhislargebodyintothedriver’sseat,anddidthatthingwhereheplacedhisflexedarmbehindmyheadrestandreversedthecar,Iignoredhowsquishythatmademefeelinside,too.
Generallyspeaking,IdidawholelotofdisregardinghowhemademefeelonthedrivebacktoLazyElk.AndCameronmusthavebeendoingthesame,becauseneitherofusspokeasingleworduntilhekilledtheengineinthedriveway.
“I’llringRobbiewhenIgetinside,”hesaid,hisvoicesoundingso…deepandlowandintimateinsidetheconfinementofhistruck.“We’llgetthetiresortedtomorrow.”
We.Thatweagain,asifwewere…anitem.Ateam.Mychestdidsomeofthatsquishingatthethought.
“Thanksfordoingthat,”Itoldhim.Iwassotiredofantagonizingthisman.“I’dinsistoncallingRobbiemyself,butIdon’tthinkhelikesmeverymuch.”
Cameronseemedtothinkaboutsomething.“Hiskidsadoreyou.”
Iwasn’tsureifhe’dsaidthattomakemefeelbetterorbecauseitwastrue.“Iwouldn’tgothatfar.Maríalikesme,butapartofmebelievesshe’stryingtoprovetotherestoftheteamthatI’mnotawitch.”Ishrugged.“AndTonyisateenageboywhocallsmema’amandbarelytalkstome.”
Cameron’seyesroamedaroundmyface.“Tonydoesn’tknowhowtoactaroundabeautifulwoman.”
Beautiful
Irippedmygazeoffhisfaceandletitsettleonthedashboard.“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Thekidfanciesyou,Adalyn.”Right.“That’swhyhegetstongue-tied.That’sprobablywhyhecallsyouma’am,too.”
SoTonybelievedIwasbeautiful.NotCameron.Thatwasfine.I’dneverbeeninsecureaboutmylooksorneededanybody’sreassurancetofeelgoodaboutmyappearance.Idefinitelyhadotherinsecurities.Butitdidn’treallymatter,anditwasfoolishofmetothinkCameronwouldeverlookatmelikethatafterhow…ourrelationshiphadgone.
“Ididn’tsaythanks,”Cameronshockedmebyadding.Ilookedoverathim.Hiseyeswereonme.“Tonyrecognizedmebackatthefacilities,andyoucoveredforme.Iappreciateit.”
Ishookmyhead.Ididn’tdeservehisgratitude.I…Ifumbledwithmyseatbelt,overwhelmedbythesuddenurgetoexitthiscar.Itreleasedwithaclick,andIthrewopenthepassengerdoor.“Thanksfortheride.Iwill,hmm,seeyoutomorrow.Gameday.Bigdayahead.Goodnight!”
Andjumpedoutwithoutwastingaminute.Ishotinthedirectionofmycabinbutquicklycametoahalt.
“Ohno,”Imuttered,pattingthepocketsofmyborroweddungarees.Nothing.Empty.Igroaned.“OhGod.”
Iturnedaround.ButI—
Collapsedagainstahardwall.Onethatsmelledlikeapineforestandfeltboilinghottothetouch.Istumbledback.“Cameron.”
“Whydidyourun?”wall-manasked,hischintippingdowntolookathischest.Mygazefollowedalong,discoveringmyhandswereplantedonhispecs.Isnaggedthemback.“What’swrong?”hepressed,flat-outignoringIhadn’tansweredhisfirstquestion.
“Iforgotmythings.”Isighed.Yes,I’dfocusonthat.“Backatthebarn.Myclothes,myshoes,myphone,thekeys,too.IthinkIleftthedoorunlockedsoIcouldgetinside,butIneedmyphone.”
“What?”hebarked.
Ifrowned.“Iwasgoingtoaskyoutodrivemeback.There’sstrangenoisesinthecabinatnightandIcan’tsleepwithoutlisteningto—”
Cameronmoved.
Heboltedandwalkedaroundme.Whentheshockworeoff,Iwhirledandwentafterhim.
“IsweartoGod,Adalyn,”IheardhimgrumblewhenIreachedhim.“There’snogoddamnwinningwithyou.”Hishandwasclaspedaroundthedoorknobofthedoor.Itopenedwithoutresistance.“Christ.”
“Itoldyouitwouldprobablybeunlocked,”Iscoffed.IstaredatCameron’sback.Hewas…notmoving.I’dexpectedhimtoberelieved,ifanything.Thisgavehimtheperfectexcusenottodrivemeback.ButIcould…feeltheangerleavinghisbodyinwaves.“Youknowwhat?That’sfine.I’llmakeitwithoutmyphone.We’lljustdrivebacktomorrowmorning.”
Cameronremainedplantedrightwherehewas.
“Itallworkedoutforthebestso…goodnight,”Iinsisted,poppingmyheadoverhisshoulder.Cameronsteppedinside.Heflippedthelightson.“Hey,whatdoyouthinkyou’redoing—”
“Whatinthebloodyhellisthis?”heasked.Hiswordsricochetedintheconfinedandcrampedspace.Thenherepeatedhimself,asifwantingtomakesureIheardhimright.“Whatisthis,Adalyn?”
“Mycottage?”Ideadpanned,eventhoughIwaspanickinginside.Theplacewasa…mess.AndIdidn’twantCamerontoseehowmuch.Myvoicewobbled.“Canyoupleaseleave?Ididn’tinviteyouin.”
Hedidtheoppositeandintwostrides,Cameronwasstandingrightinthecenterofthecabin,hisshoulderssohighandhisbacksostiffthatIwasshockedtheseamsofhisjacketweren’tripping.
Iswallowedhardandtrailedbehindhim.IspottedthetrailofpantiescurrentlyhangingofftheantlersI’dusedasanimprovisedclotheslineafterwashingthembyhand.Theinflatablemattressonthefloor.Thehalf-disassembledfour-posterbedI’dgivenupon.ThelifeI’dpackedinamatterofhoursscatteredinonecornerofoneuglycabin.
“Explain,”Camerondemanded.“Pleasemakeitmakesense.”
“It’smyhomerenovationproject,”Isaid,abonfirecacklingbeneathmycheeks.
“Adalyn,”hebreathedout.Pleadedreally.“You’restillsleepingonthefloor.Why?”
Greeneyesblinkedatmewith…exhaustion.Ahintofdespair,too.Ideflated.Gaveup.“Myplanwastodisassemblethebedandgetitoutofhere,butthethingseemstobeweldedtogether.”Iletoutashakybreath.“Thecabindoesn’thaveawasherso…”Inoddedtowardmyunderwear.“Thecampingmattressiscomfortable,though.Soit’sfine.Iwon’tbehereforever.”
Cameron’sjawclenched.Hiswholefacewenttight.“Whydidn’tyouaskforhelp?”
Iclosedmyeyes.Help.HowcouldIexplaintohimthatMiamiwasflat-outignoringme?ThatI’dbeenaccusedofbeingpamperedandspoiledsomanytimesthatIwantedtoprovethatwrong.ThatbesidesJosie,Ididn’thaveanyfriendshereanddidn’twanttobeanuisancetotheoneIhad.ThatallofthiswasmyfaultinthefirstplacesoIdidn’tthinkIhadtherighttocomplain.“Idon’tneedhelp.I’mfine.”
HisAdam’sapplebobbed.Once,twice,threetimes.Alltheairinhislungswasreleased.Allatonce.
“Fuck,”hemuttered.“Fuckme,Adalyn.”Heshookhishead.“JesusChrist,darling.”Heclosedhiseyesandlethisheaddropback.“Bloodyhell.”
Iblinkedathim.Confused.Shocked,too.
“I’vegonealonglifewithoutthis,”hesaid,asifhewastalkingtohimself.Iopenedmymouthbutheturnedaround.“Firstthedungarees,nowthis.I’munprepared.”
“Cam—”
Hestalkedoutofthecabin.
Istoodthere,lookingdownatmyborrowedclothes,andwonderingwhathadjusthappened.WonderingifIshouldclosethedoorandcallitanight,too.
Cameronreappeared.
Hestormedrightbackintothecabin,stillcursinglikehislifedependedonit,butnow,hewasholdingametalboxunderanarm.Isearchedforhiseyes,buthewouldn’tlookatme.Hewalkedrightpastme,cametoastopinfrontofthemessofhardwoodanddroppedtheboxtothefloor.Then,hekneeleddownandthrewitopenwithajerkofhishand.
“Cameron?”Iventured,gapingatthesceneincompletedisbelief.“Whatareyoudoing?”
ButCameronCaldaniwasonautopilot.
Heignoredmyquery,pullingaverylargeandserious-lookinghammeroutofthebox,andstraightenedbackup.
Andthen,withoutaword,hewentfull-onHulkonthebed.CHAPTERNINETEEN
Cameron
Icouldn’tcatchabreak.
Withashakeofmyhead,Iscannedthemessbeforeme.NotonlywasWillow’sfoodscatteredalloverthekitchenfloor,buttherewerepuddlesofwaterand…Werethosesomeofmycoffeebeans?Ikneeleddowntogetabetterlook.Yes.
Joinedbyafewauburnfeathers.
“Willow?”Icalledloudly,risingtomyfeet.Iwaitedforthesoundofherpawsonthehardwood,orforoneofherwhinyresponses,asIwassuresheknewwhatshehaddone.Butthecabinremaineddeadquiet.“Willow?Youbetternothavechaseddownthatgoddamnrooster.Again.”
AndalthoughIhopedshehadn’t,therewascertainreliefontheoffchancethatIwouldn’tbestartledawakebytheinsufferablecrowing.Therooster,itseemed,hadtakenmoreofalikingtotheLazyElkafterpeckingatAdalyn’ssandwich.Adalyn
Irememberedlastnight,andawaveofhotfrustrationsweptmeheadtotoe.Ithadtakenmeafullhourtodismantlethegoddamnbedandcarryitoutsidetomytruck.Andfuckme,thepastmonthsspentinretirementhadcomeataprice.Myarmsweresore,mybackhurtfromknockingthethingdown,andIwasalmostsureI’dpulledamusclesomewhereonmyneckwhenI’ddrivenusbacktothefarmtogetherthings.I—
Ishookmyhead.
Therewastoomuchtodothismorning,Icouldn’tallowmyselftothinkofher.Oflastnight.Italwaysstartedthesameway.I’drecallsomethingremotelyrelatedtoher,andthenI’dbesummoningallsortsofotherthings.
Likethosebloodyoveralls.They’dbeensotight,makingherlook…Different.Homey.Inviting.Almostrelaxed,forachange.Evenwithallthosecurvessnugandconfined.Readytoburstundertheseams.Ormyhands.Theymademewishshewouldburnallherclothesandexclusivelywearthegoddamnthingsfromnowon.
Myphonerangfromthekitchencounter,snappingmeoutofthatdangeroustrainofthought.
Istalkedtothedeviceandscannedthescreen.
Liam.
Iacceptedthecall.“What.”
“Wow,”hehuffed.“Well,morningtoyou,too,sunshine.”
Irolledmyeyes.“Ifiredyou.Whyareyoucallingmeagain?”
“Youdidn’tfireme,”hecounteredinthatsmugtoneIknewsowell.“Youencouragedmetoresign.Andmostwouldappreciatethefactthatourfriendshipistranscendingaterminatedbusinessrelationship.”
Iheldthephonetomyearwithashoulderandservedmyselfasecondcupofcoffeefromthepot.“Youweremyagent,youwerenevermyfriend.”
“God,I’dforgottenyou’reaprick,”Liamsaidwithabreath.“ButIloveyouanyway,soI’mgoingtopretendyoudidn’tdisregardfifteenyearsoffriendship.”
“Don’tpretendtomissme.”Ibroughtmymugtomylipsandtookalongsip.“WebothknowIwasanightmaretoworkwith.”
“Christ.You’reinsomemoodtoday,mate.”
Ireturnedthedevicetomyhandandcrossedthelivingroomareatotheglassdoorsfacingthefrontyard.“MaybeIam,”Iadmitted,lookingoutandtakinginthebeautifulexpanseofgreenbeforeme.Mygazesomehowendedontheshabbycabintotheright.Iwonderedifshewasawake.Whatshewouldweartoday.Ifherhairwouldbeupordownonhershoulders.Latelyshe’dletitdownandI—Fuck.“Whatdoyouwant,Liam?”
“WouldyoubelievemeifIsaidIcalledtocheckonyou?”
“No.”
“That’swhatIthought.It’dtakeamiracleforyoutotalkaboutyourfeelingsanyway.”Acalculatedpause.“Howaremyfavoritegirlsdoing,then?Ditchedyouyet?”
Asifsummonedbythemanwho’dbeeninmylifeforalmosttwodecades,Pierogiclimbedonthepatiobanister.Shestretchedherpawsandlaidontopofit,turningintoanorangeballoffluff.“Pierogi’sgood.Nappinghalfthetimelikeshealwaysdoes.AndWillow…”Irecalledthestateofthekitchenfloor.“Willowisstillbitchingatmeeverychanceshegets.Shehatesithere.”
Liam’schucklecamethroughtheline.“That’smybestgal.”
“Farfromit,”Imuttered.
Alongpausefollowed.Onethatgaveawaytherealpurposeofthecall.IknewmyformeragentlikeIknewthepalmofmyhand.Igavehimshitbecausehegavemeshitinreturn,butthetruthisthatwewerelikebrothers.We’drisentogethertothetop,andhe’dbeenloyalandhonesttoafault.Lettinggoofhimhadn’tbeeneasy.ButI’dhadnouseforhimafterhangingupthegloves,andhe’dknownexactlywhy.Thatwaswhyheinsistedoncheckinguponme.
“Listen,”Liamsaid,justlikeIknewhewould.“Iknowyou’restillprocessingwhereyoustandwiththis,butletmestressoncemorehowgreatofanopportunitythisis.Thechannel—”
Ilaughed,bringinghiswordstoastop.“I’mnotprocessing.IknowwhereIstand.That’swhywhenyoucalledtheotherdayIaskedyoutokindlypassalongmyanswertoRBCSports.”
“A‘fuckoff’isnotsomethingyoukindlypassalong,Caldani.SpecificallynottoRBCSports.”
“Translateitintoyourlanguage,then.”Itookanothersipofmycoffee,tryingtofocusonthesmoothbitterness,andnotonthewaymystomachwastyingupinknots.“Sayitinsomeprettywaythey’dlike.”
“Cameron,”Liamwarned,alllightnessgonefromhisvoice.“Iknowyou’reagianttwat.”Isnorted.“ButIneverhadyouforafool.”
Andthat’swhyIsignedwithhimwhenwewerenothingbutnobodieswithbigdreams.Liamnevertiptoedaroundanythingoranyone,hesaiditlikeitis.
WhenIwasn’tcalledupforthenationalteam,hesatmedownandtoldmetosuckitupandmoveon.Iwastoooldandtherewasyoungerandfreshermeat.AndwhenthesmartestthingtodohadbeentopackupandsignforanMLSteam,he’dnevertriedtosellmeontheidealikeitwassomegreatplantomakemethelegendI’dneverbe.He’dtoldmetomovetoL.A.andhaveonelasthurrah.Makethecontacts,takethecash,andgetabreakfromthePremierLeague’spoliticsI’dneverhadaninterestin.
Ineveryinstance,I’dlistenedtohim.BecauseIknewhewantedwhatwasbestforme.Forus.Ihadn’tbeenafoolthen.WasIbeingonenow?
“Thisisaonce-in-a-lifetimeopportunity,”heinsisted.ButIknew.Iwasn’tbornyesterday.TheRBCdidn’tcalljustanybody.Muchlessforapunditgigonaprime-timeshow.“Ihaven’tsaidno,notyet.I’vetoldthemyouarethinkingaboutit.Consideringyouroptions.TheythinkthemanagingpositioninL.A.isstillonthetable,andIhadoneofmyguysspreadwordaroundaboutacoupleotherMLSteamspotentiallysniffingaround.”
AballofleadsettledatthebottomofmystomachatthethoughtofhowcloseI’dbeentotakingtheL.A.Stars’offertoleadtheiracademycoachingstaff.HowI’dbetrappedinagildedcage,withalifeandaplanthatnolongermadesense,ifIhad.
“There’snothinkinglefttodo,”Itoldhim.“I’mfinewhereIam.”
“Areyou,though?”Liamthrewrightback.“Youmightbefinenow,man.Butyoudon’tknowhowyou’llfeelinthreemonths.Orsix.Orayearfromnow.”Thepausewaslong,andIknewitwasintentionallyso.“Thisisit,Cameron.It’sagooddeal.Just…considerit.Please.”
Iprocessedhiswords,Ireallydid.AsmuchasI’dbeenquicktosayno,Ididn’twanttobethefoolhe’daccusedmeofbeing.ThetwoboyswhohadshakenhandsquicklyafterI’dsignedmyfirstcontractinLondonwerelonggone,butI…
“Iknowyou’rehesitanttocomeback,”Liamsaid,knowingexactlywheremyheadhadgone.“You’dhavetobeinLondonagain,wherethestudiosare.”Andthereforeloseallprospectofprivacy,heshouldhavesaidnext.ButLiamwastoogoodathisjobtohandmeanexcuselikethat.“You’dbeeasilyrecognizedthere.AndIunderstandthatafterwhathappenedinL.A.,that’snotexactlysomethingyou’relookingforwardto.Igetit,mate.Ido.I’dbetraumatized,too.”
Everymuscleandboneinmybodyturnedtostone.“I’mnottraumatized.”
“Soyou’renot.Good.That’swhyyou’rehidingawayinsometowninthemiddleofnowhere.Thequestionis,areyougoingtohidethereforever?”
Sweatgatheredatthebackofmyneck.“I’mnothiding.”
Heignoredmycomplaintwithatsk.“Enjoyyourtimethere.Decompress.Relax.Iknowyou’reintothegreatoutdoorsandfreshairandallthatmumblingnonsense.Butwehavethathere,too.Thepropercountrysideisafewhours’driveawayfromLondon.”Apause.“Thinkofyourfuture,man.Youmightnotbeonthegrassanymore,butyourcareerinfootballisfarfrombeingover.”
Football.Imissedhearingtheword.I’dbeenintheUSlongenoughbutI…Fuck.Ididn’tevenknow.Therehadbeennoplan.I’djustcometoGreenOakanddecidedtostayuntilIchangedmymind.ThathadbeenthelogicI’dappliedtoeverythingsincethatgoddamnday.
MaybeIwastraumatized.
Ithoughtbacktolastnight.Toeverydaybeforethat.I’dbeenso…busywiththehurricaneAdalynhadbroughttoGreenOakthatIhadn’thadtimetothinkaboutmuchelse.
Asifsummonedbymymind,Adalynmaterializedintheyard.Shewaswalkingtowardmycabinand,fuck,thankChristthepantsuitwasback.
“Youknowwhat?”Iheardmyselfsay.“Relaxingmightbeoverrated.”
Liamlaughed,buttherewasn’tanyhumorinthesound.“Sothat’syouranswer.OutofallthethingsIsaid?Tellmeatleastthatyou’llthinkaboutit.”
IwatchedAdalynmakingherwayupthestepsofmyporch,andIturnedonmyheels,headingforthefrontdoor.
“Caldani?”Liaminsisted.
Ireachedthehallway,wordsslippingcarelesslyoutofmymouth,“Allright.Yeah.”
“You’vejustmademeaveryhappyman,”Liamrushedout.Ifrowned,wonderingwhyorhow.“I’llringyouinafewdays,then.Whenyou’vethoughtaboutit.Cheers,mate.”
Andhekilledthecall.
Withasigh,Islippedthephoneinthepocketofmysweatsandthrewthedooropen.
Araisedfistgreetedme.
Herhandfell,revealingherface.
Adalyn’shairwasdowntoday,butnotasstraightasinthefewinstancesshe’dwornitlikethis.TherewerewavesI’dmissedwhenI’dspottedherthroughthewindow.Itmadeherfacelooksofter,herlipsfuller.Iclearedmythroat.“Whatdoyouwant?”
Adalyndidn’tanswer,soIlookedawayfromhermouth.Hereyeswerewideandfocusedsomewheredownmythroat.Sheblinked.Then,blinkedagain.
Ifrowned.
“You’re…”shetrailedoff.Hercheekswerecoveredinadarkshadeofpink.“Naked.”
Idippedmychin.Right.WithWillowactingup,andthenLiambustingmyballs,Ihadn’thadtimetoshowerandputonashirt.
“Halfnaked,”shemumbled.“Andtattooed.Alloveryour…”Asigh.“Chest.Andarm.”
Ihadtofightthegiantsmirkfrombreakingoutandpartingmyface.Ireallydid.“Iam,”Itoldher,flexingmyarmsandchestlikethecockybastardIwas.Hereyeswidened.“Ifyouasknicely,Imightconsiderremovingmypants.Ihavemoreinkthanjustthat.”
Herlipspoppedopen.Thebrownonhereyesglazedover.Then,herheadsnappedup.“Holdon,what?”
Deliberatelyslowly,Ibroughtthemugtomymouthandtookasipofcoffee,keepingmyeyesonher.“Iwassayingthatifyouasknicely—”
“Yeah,okay.”Sheshookherself,butherfacewasstillabrightshadeofpink.Whowouldhavethought,AdalynReyesgettingflusteredoveraninkedchest.Ifanything,Iwouldhavethoughtshewasn’tabigfanoftattoos.Whatwouldshelooklikeifshesawthedesignonmyupperthigh?WhatwouldshesayifIreallydroppedmysweatsand—“Idon’tthinkthat’ssomethingI,huh…needyoutodo.Keepyourclotheson,thanks.”
Itiltedmyhead.Iwasn’tfooledbyherwordsbutI’dletherwinthis.“Whatdoyouwantfrommethen,darling?”
Ittookheramomenttoanswer.“Youpromisedyou’ddrivemebacktotheVasquezfarm.Tosortouttheflattire.”
“It’salreadysortedout.”Ileanedmyshoulderonthedoorframe.Crossedmyankles.Broughtthemugtomylipsagain.“Anythingelse?”
Herbrowsfurrowed.“Whatyoumeanit’ssortedout?”
“Itmeansthatyoudon’thavetoworryaboutit.It’shandled.”Itookanewswigofcoffeeandinspectedthecontentsofmymug.Anothergoodfuckingcoffeeruinedaftergrowingcold.Isighed.“YourcarwillbeservicedonMonday.”Iglancedbackather.“Isthatwhatyou’rewearingtothegame?WeleaveforRockstoneinanhour.Remembertograbyourmagicbinder,yeah?Iwanttoaddafewnotes.”
Adalyn’sfacewrinkled,asifshewashavingahardtimeprocessingmywords.“We…Butyou…Youhatemybinders.Leaveinanhourfor…where?”
“Idon’thatethem,I—”Myeyescaughtsomethingbehindher.Dashingacrossthefrontyard.AbluroffurIknewalltoowell.Anditwasmovingquickly,chasingsomething.“Willow.”
“I’mAdalyn.”
“Mycat,”Imuttered.“Andshe’safterthegoddamncockagain.”
“Wh—”
Ididn’twaitaroundtohear.ImovedaroundAdalynandsprintedintotheyard.SoIhadbeenright,Willowwasoutterrorizingthepoorthing.Andshewasmakingmechaseafterher.Shirtless.Spillingwhatevercoldcoffeeremainedinmymug.
Ireallycouldn’tcatchafuckingbreak.
WhenIfinallyseizedtheballoffurandfury,Ihadtoone-armclutchhertomychestsoshewouldn’tjumpoutagain.“Areyouhappy?”Iaskedher,asIstrodebacktotheporch.Shemewed,buttohercredit,shewasn’tbehavinglikesomewildpredatornow.Shewentasfarastuckinghernoseintothecrookofmyarm.“Yeah,giveupthatcuteshit.”Iclimbedupthestepswitharollofmyeyes.“Daddy’snothappy.”
“Daddy?”
Ilookedupfromthecatinmyarms,findinganevenmorewide-eyedAdalynblinkingatme.Andfuck,itwasnotthemomenttothinkhowthatwordracedstraighttomygut.
“ThisisWillow.”Idippedmychin.Willow’stinypawscurledaroundmyforearm.“She’sactingcutenow,butshe’stakenalikingtoprowlingaroundthepropertyandchasingthepoorroosterdown.”Adalynseemedtooshockedtospeak.“Theotheroneismorewell-manneredthanthis.Thankfully.”
“Theotherone.”Adalynstudiedtheballinmyarms.“Youhavetwocats.”
“WillowandPierogi,”Iconfirmed.“Theroosterisnotmine.Butwealreadytalkedaboutthat.”
Somethingseemedtoflashacrossherexpression.“OhmyGod,”Adalynwhispered.“SebastianStan.”
Ifrowned.“Who?”
“Robbiesaidsomethingaboutaroostertheyweremissing,”Adalynexplained.“HisnameisSebastianStan.”
Oh.“Well,fuck.”IgaveWillowaquickglance.“That’sgoingtobeanawkwardconversation.”
Willowmewedandliftedherhead,curiousaboutAdalyn.
Isteppedclosersothetwocomplexandfrustratingfemalesthathadbeenrobbingmeofsleepcouldsurveyeachotheralittlebetter.
“She’sbeautiful,”Adalynwhispered,whileWillowsniffedheroutstretchedhand.“Hereyesaredifferent,justlikeherface.I’veneverseenacatlikeher.”
“Willow’sachimera,”Iexplained,mygazefixatedonAdalyn’sface.Hersmilewassmallassheinspectedthecatinmyarms.Ilikedthatbarelytheretiltofhermouth.“They’rebornaftertwoembryosfusetogether.That’swhyshelookslikethat.”
Willowpurred,Adalynhummed,andIfeltmyselfrelaxforthefirsttimethismorning.
ThatwasprobablywhyIwenton,“ShewasblindinoneeyewhenIadoptedher,IthoughtitmighthavebeenrelatedtoitsoIresearched.”
“Oh,”Adalynwhispered.“That’s…”Herfaceturnedserious.“Reallysweet.You’refullofsurprises,Cameron.”Hersayingmynamesosoftlydidsomethingtomystomach.“Ontopofhavingtriedeverysinglehobbythathaseverexisted,youhavecatsyoucallfamilyandknowabouthacklesandsicklesandpeeps.You’reafraidofgoats—”
“I’mnotafraidofthem,”Iinterjected.“Ifindthemuntrustworthy.”
SherolledhereyesbutIcouldseeitthere,thewayshewasbitingbackasmile.Afullone.Arealone.“Still,”shesaid.“Iwonderwhatelseyou’rehiding.”
“Wildlife.”Theinformationtoppledoffmylips.“Notjustfarmstock.Ifindwildlifeandnaturefascinating.I’vewatchedalotofAnimalPlanetthroughtheyears.Ithelpsmerelax.Unwind.”IreadjustedWillowinmyarms.“ThehacklesandsicklesarenothingcomparedtowhatI’velearnedonthere.”
Shetiltedherhead,andIknewtobracemyself.“Tellmearandomfact.”
“Youwantmetoproveittoyou?”
“Onlyifyoucan,”shesaidwithashrug.“Knockmysocksoff,AnimalPlanetman.”
Thiswoman.Issuingchallengeslikethatatamanlikeme.
Ilookedatherstraightintothosechocolate-browneyes.“Contrarytopopularbelief,therightfulkingofthejungleisnotthelion.Onlyaverysmallpercentageofthemliveinthejungle.Sosmall,they’reendangered.ApropercandidateforthetitlewouldactuallybeaBengaltiger,leopard,orjaguar.”
Shenoddedslowly,butIcouldtellshewasn’timpressed.
Isetthemugonthebanisteroftheporchandheldmyfreepalmup.“Koalafingerprintsaresosimilartooursthattheycouldbemistakenforahuman’s.”
Hereyebrowsroseinsurprise.
Icoulddobetterthanabrowarch.“Theheartofashrimpisinitshead.”Ibroughtmyhandtothesideofherfaceandbrushedhertemplewiththebackofmyhand.Herlipspartedatthegentletouch.“Andifafemaleferretinheatdoesn’tmateforaprolongedtime,theincreasinglevelsofestrogeninherbodycaneventuallyleadtoherdeath.”
AshiverseemedtocrawldownAdalyn’sbody.Iletmyfingersfallalonghairthathadfallenoverhercheek.“Shewoulddie?”Hervoicewassoftagain,gentle.Sad.“Shewoulddiejustbecauseshecan’tfindamate?”
Isteppedcloserandgaveheranod.
Asmallfrownappeared.“That’s…That’sreallyunfair.”
Myeyesroamedalloverherface,findinggreatpleasureinthevulnerabilityIsawinherexpression.Inhowclosewewerestanding.
Ishouldhaveprobablybrushedthiswholethingoff,gonebackinsideandjumpedintotheshowersowewouldn’tbelatetothegame,butsomethinginmehadshifted.Changed.“It’srathercruel,”Isaid,lettingthepadofmythumbflickacrosshercheek.“Don’tyouthink?”
Adalyn’seyesflutteredshut,andwhensheanswered,itwasawhisper.“Itis.”
Imovedmyhand,revelingintheeffectthegentlecontactofmyskinagainsthershadinme.Her.Bothofus.“Itdoesn’tseemlikethat’stheferret’sfault.”
Eyesstillclosed,herthroatworked.“Maybe,”shestarted.Andthistime,mythumbbrushedherforehead,thespotthatshe’dhitthatfirstday.Theurgetoplacemymouththerewashardtotame.“Maybe,shedoesn’thavetimetosparetosearchforamate,”shecontinued,alittlebreathlessly.“Ormaybethere’snothingaboutherthat’sappealingtothemaleferretsaroundher.”Sheopenedhereyes.Thebrowninhereyeshadglazedover.“Perhapsshethoughtshewasfinelikethat,alone.Howisanyofthatherfault?”
“It’snot,”Itoldher,inchingevencloser.Gravitatingtowardher.Untiltherewasbarelyanyspaceseparatingus.Icuppedherfaceinmypalm.“Perhapsshe’sbeenneglected,”Icontinued,craningmyneckdown.NowIcouldreallysmellher.Hershampoo.Soap.Shesmelledsofuckingsweet.“Maybeshe’sbeingoverlooked.”Ispreadmyfingers,mythumbbrushingthecornerofherlips.Adalyn’sbreathcaught.“Allofthissweetness,misjudged.”Ishiftedmyhand,diggingtherestofmyfingersinherhair.“Whatfoolishmales.”
Adalynexhaled,thepuffofairhittingmychin.
AndI—Fuck.I—
Asharppangofpaincutstraightthroughthemoment,andIwinced.
Willowmewedfrommyarms.AndbeforeIcouldstopher,shelandedonthegroundandflashedthroughtheopendoor.Iattemptedtogoafterher,butAdalyn’shandwasonmyarm.
Ilookeddown,findingherwarm,gentlefingersagainstmyskinastheyprobed,inspectingthescratch.“Itdoesn’tlookdeep.”Hertonewasconcernedandstillsogoddamnsweetitkilledme.Whatwashappeningtome?“ButIthinkyoushoulddisinfectit.”Thetipofherindexfingertracedtheinkedskinaroundthetinycut.“Doesithurt?”
Itdid.Butnotinthewayshemeant.“No.”
“Willitruinthe…design?”sheasked,herthumbhangingoverblacklinesI’dcollectivelysatdownformanyhourstogetdone.
Therewasbarelyaspotofskinthatwasn’tinkedbetweenmycollarboneandtheuppersleeveofmyrightarm.Samewentformyrightpec.Andthetopofmyleftthigh.NoneofthemweretattoosIwentaroundshowcasing.Theywerenotforanybodybutmyselfandthat’swhyIalwaysworelongsleeves.Herhandmoved,sidetrackingme.I’dsufferedthroughsomeofthemostintricateonesyetsomehowthosedelicate,lightgrazesofherfingersovermyskinfeltmorepowerfulthanalltheneedlesI’dendured.
“Thisoneissopretty.”Herpalmhadstoppedatthesideofmybiceps,andIwassoemboldened,encouragedbyhertouchthatIturnedmyarmsoshecouldproperlysee.“Whoisshe?”
Outofeverypossibletattooshecouldhavepossiblychosentoaskabout.Ithadtobethatone.Theonethatheldthemostmeaning.“Ithinkyouknow,darling.”
“Yourgrandmother?”shewhispered.Igaveheranodandletherinspectit.Iwasthankfulitwasn’toneofthetackyorsenselessonesI’dgottenwhenIwasyoungandmindless.Thisonewasanold-schoolrenditionofayoungwomanwithblackhair.Simple.Thicklines.Noshadowingorcolorexceptfortworedflowersatopherhead.“Whatabouttherest?Whatdotheyrepresent?”
Ihadtoswallowforthewordstocomeoutofmythroat.“Thebeginning,”Isaid,voicethick.“Theend.Everythinginbetween.”
Myeyesbouncedbacktoherface.Shewasbitingherlip.“DoesWillowdothisoften?”
Ishookmyhead,barelyabletoraspoutananswerwithherattentiononmelikethat.Ilikeditfartoomuch.“She’sneveractedlikethat,butperhapsthat’sbecauseI’venevergivenherachancetobejealous.”
“Jealous?”
Inodded,mytonguestillintwists.Myhead,too,whenallofasudden,Icouldn’trememberthelasttimeawomanhadtendedtomywounds.
Haditeverhappened?Haditeverfeltlike…this?
“Oh.Oh.”Adalynjumpedback,breakingthecontact.Myskinfeltcoldwhereherfingershadbeen.Shehuffed.“Well,shemustbeaveryterritorialcatifshe’sfeelingthatwayovernothing.”Shelookedeverywherebutatme.“Afterall,youwouldlovenothingmorethanseeingmepackmythings,leavetown,andneverlookback,right?”Iwinced,andsheshookherhead.“Thisisjusttemporary.I’llleaveandwe’re…workingtogetheronlybecausewemust.Iforcedyourhand.”
Ifrowned.Ihadnotexpectedhertosaythat.TobringupwordsIhadseemedtomakemyselfforget.
“Anyway.”Shewalkedaroundme,takingstepafterstepdown.“I’llseeyouinanhour.Whenweleaveforthe,uh,game.”Shemadeitallthewaydown.“Justhorny—Honk!Thehorn.Ortext.Whenyou’rereadyandI’llcomeout.Iguessthat’stheoneperkofgettingsaddledwithmehere,right?”
ShebrokeintoajogandIstoodthere,watchinghergetbacktohercabin.
OnlywhenherdoorhadclosedbehindherdidIsay,“Right.”
Becauseshewasrightaboutthisbeingjusttemporaryandmewantingtoseehergo.
Right?CHAPTERTWENTY
Cameron
ThegirlsleftthemiddleoftheRockstonefieldandmadetheirwaytowardtheguestbenchwithredcheeksandponies,pigtails,bunnies,andwhatnotstickinginalldirections.
Iassessedtheminsilence,onebyone,notsurprisedbythewaytheyweredraggingtheirfeetorhowtheyploppedonthegroundaroundmeandAdalyn.
“Thissucks,”Junipermuttered,takingherfrustrationoutonthegrassunderheroutstretchedlegs.“Wesuck.Wesuckmonkeybutt.Wesucksobad,weprobablysuckworsethanmonkeybutt.”
Noddingheadscreatedawaveofagreement,andIhadtoclapmyhandstocapturetheirattentionbeforetheconversationveeredtoodeepintomuddyterrain.“Youdon’tsuck,”Iassuredtheteaminafirmtone.“Youplayedagoodgame.Youbattled,hard.Andleftallyouhadonthegrass.”
“Butwelost,”Chelseacountered,tuggingfuriouslyattheremainderofherbraid.Hertutu—whichInowconsideredalostbattle—hungsideways.“Wedidn’tevenscore.We’veonlyscoredonceintwogames.Anditdidn’tevencount.”
Idecidednottocommentontheowngoal.“Youdidn’tlose.Nil-nilisnotaloss.”
Chelseathrewherhandup,restingitagainstherforeheadasshesighed.“It’sjustastragicasaloss,CoachCam.”
“We’relosers,”Junipermuttered.
“Andweworkedsohardthisweek,”Chelseaadded,encouragedbytheotherkid.“Ihaven’tmissedsoccerpractice,notevenonce.Notevenforballetclass.IfeellikeIhaven’tdancedinaaaages.ItoldmymomIcoulddoboththings,butI’mnotsosureanymore.MaybeDadwasright.MaybeIshouldpickjusttheonethingandfocusonit.”
“Ihaven’tbeenspendingtimewithBrandy,either,”Maríagrumbledfromherspotonthegrass.“OrTilly.OrCarmen.AndSebastianisstillmissing.”
Asombermutterstartedpickingupspeedandvolume.Everykidrelatingtheirownoverdramaticversionoftheirsacrificesforthegame.
Ibroughtmyfingerstomymouthandwhistled.
Allmouthssnappedclosed.
“Soyoufeellikeyoulost,”Isaidsteppingforward.“Soyouworkedhardforawholeweek,gotheretoday,triedyourhardest,andgotbeat.”Allheadswerelookingatmenow,eyeswideandsparklywithasentimentthat,hadIbeensmarter,Iwouldhaveinterpretedasmycuetoshutup.Butitbotheredmeseeingthemlikethis.“Well,newsflash,girlies.Lifeisnotawalkinthepark.Lifeishard.Sometimesyouwinandoftentimesyoulose.Butthisisonlytheoutcomeofonegame.Youfallandthenyoustandupandchaseafterthe…littleleaguecup.”
IsensedAdalynshufflecloser.“There’snocup,”shewhisperedloudly.“TheprizeisatriptotheJungleRapidsFamilyFunPark.”
“IlovetheJungleRapids,”Junipergrumbled.
“Soyoufallandthenstandupandchaseafterthe…triptotheJungleRapids,”Icontinued.“Trippingonlytoughensyou.It’smomentslikethesethathardenyou.Andbelieveme,youhaveaminimumofthreemoregamesaheadofyou,sotoughenup.”
Maríasniffedloudly.“But—”Anothersniff.“I…Idon’twanttobehard.Ortough.Iwanttobesoft.”HerheadturnedtowardAdalyn.“MissAdalyn,tellCoachCarwashthatgirlscanbeboth.”
Mygazejumpedfromthegirltothewomanbymyside,whowasnowglaringatme.
“It’safigureofspeech,”Iexplained.Butitdidn’tseemtomakeadifferencewitheitherofthem,becauseMaríasniffedagain,andAdalynwentfrompissedto…sad.Ishookmyhead.“Girlscanbesoftandhard,yes,allatthesametime.Ialsowantedtowintoday,allright?Iwantedyoutobeatthosekidsandwipethefloorwiththem.Butyoudidn’t.”Iheardasob,andmyeyeswidened.“That’sanotherfigureofspeech.Listen—”
“Coach.”Adalyn’shandfellonmyarm,andIcouldfeelhowcolditwasthroughthefabricofmyjacket.“Idon’tthinkthisishelping.”
“Adalyn.”Isteppedtowardher,asifmybodyhadamindofitsown.Shewasfreezing.“Darling—”
“I’mfine,”shesaid,butshehadtobelying.Shewasshiveringinthatstupidtrenchcoatshehadinsistedwasenough.“Butthegirlsarenot.They’resad,andIknowyoumeanwell,butyou’renotmakingitbetter.”
Inconfirmation,afewmoresobsbrokeoutinthegroup.
“I’mnotgoodwithmotivationalstuff,”Imuttered.
“Iseethat,”Adalynanswered.Sheloweredhervoice.“Theyarecrying,though.AndIdon’tknowwhattodowithcryingchildren,Cameron.”
Athroatwasclearedbehindus.
IturnedtofindTonyplantedonmyotherside.He’dbeenhangingoutinthestandsafterbeingaskedbyAdalyntodrivethegirlstoRockstoneinaminibusshe’darrangedfor.
“CanI…”Hehesitated,scratchingthatmassofbrownshaggyhairatophishead.“CanIsuggestsomething?Hmm,sir?”Hischeeksreddened.“Ma’am?”
“Please,”wesaidatthesametime.
“Sno-cones.”
“Sno-cones?”Irepeated.
“Yeah.”Henodded.“It’slikeicecreambut…withoutthecream?Sorry,I’msureyouknowwhattheyare.IsawacoffeestandoutsidewhenIwasparkingthevan.It’salittlecold,butIknowforafacttheywillgocrazyoverthem.Thestandhadasign—”
“Yes,”Irushedout.“Ice-lollies,ofcourse.Icecream.”Someofthekidslookedinourdirection,stillweepingbutdefinitelyinterested.“Howfastcanyoufetchthem?”
“Huh,fast?”
Ipulledoutmywalletandslappedmorethanenoughcashinhishand.“Grabmesomethinghot,too,allright?”Icheckedthetime.Itwaspastnoon.“Notcoffee.Tea,cocoa,orwhateverelsetheyhave.Thelargestsize.Andkeepthechange.”
“Yes,sir,”Tonysaid,lookingdown.Hiseyeswidened.“Whoa.Thisis…thankyou,sir.”
“JustCam,”Itoldhim.“Nowgo.”
Tonyshotoffrunning,disappearingthroughthecrowdofRockstoneparentsandlocalsgatheredaroundthefield.
Mywristwassqueezed.
Withthecommotion,I’dmissedhowAdalyn’shandhadshiftedtomysleeveandwasholdingontoit.“Ihopethesno-coneswork.”
“Ihopeso,too,”shesaidwithalittletugatmyjacket.Withoutthoughtorreason,Ibroughtherhandbetweenmine.Then,quicklysnatchedherotheroneandtrappedbothbetweenmypalms.Herwordswerewobblywhenshespokenext,“Youreallysuckatspeeches.”
Ilookedupather,expectingtoseeacomplaintinherface.Buttherewasn’tanyfrown.Hernosewasred,hereyesglassy,andherlipsshapedinapoutthattoldmeshewasrelievedbythewaymyhandswererubbinghers,warmingthemup.
“Maybethat’stheonethingIdon’tknowhowtodo,”Iadmitted.Ibroughtourhandstomychest.Andwhenshegavemeoneofthosetinysmiles,Ihadtostopmyselffrompullingherintome.“Ican’tbelieveItoldthemtotoughenup.”
“Nowondertheycried,”shesaidinaseriousvoice.“Forasecond,Ithoughtevenyouweregoingtocry.Itwasterrible,really.”
Istaredather.Atherlips,nowtwitching.Bendingupward.Icouldn’tbelieveshewasteasingme.Withagoddamnsmile.
Ipulledatherarms,gentlybutfirmlyenoughtomakeherstumbletowardme.Ourhandsweresandwichedbyourchests.
“Itwasworthit.”
Herbreathcaught.“Whatwas?”
“Thetears,”Ianswered,myeyesfixatedonhermouth.“Memakingafoolofmyselfandbringingateamofkidstotears.Itwasworthit.Becauseitmadeyousmile.”
Herexpressionremainedfrozenforasecond,andthenitcrumbleddown.Herlipsparted,hereyesglazedover,andhercheeksturnedpinkinawaythathadnothingtodowiththecold.“Cameron,”shesaid.Justthat.Myname.
“Iwarnedyou,”Itoldher,becauseI’dbeenserious.“I’maselfishman.”
Aloudburstofgiggleseruptedbehindher,makingwhateverbubblewe’djustbeeninburst.Adalynsnaggedherhandsfrommygrasp.Webothturnedaround.
Tony,whohadreturnedwithatrayfilledwithsno-cones,waspassingalongcolorfulcups,andthemoodofthegroupwasclearlyliftingastheywentaround.
WhentheteenageboyreachedAdalynandme,Ipattedhisshoulder.“Goodman,Tony.Thatwasfast,justlikeIasked.”Hiseyeswentwide,hiswholefaceflushinganewwaveofradioactivered.Iloweredmyvoice.“ThanksfornotmakingafussaboutwhoIam,aswell.Iappreciateitmorethanyouknow.”
Tony’slipsbobbedbuthisexpressionturnedsolemn.“Iunderstand,sir.Hmm,Cam—CoachCam?Iunderstandhowvaluableprivacyis.Whenmymompassedaway—”Hecuthimselfoff.“Sometimes,peoplearenosyashell.”Heshotawide-eyedglanceatAdalyn.“Asheck.Sometimespeoplecanbenosyasheck,ma’am.”
Adalynsetherpalmonhisothershoulder,givinghimaquickandgentlepat.Thekidalmostcollapsed.
Itookthetraywiththeleftoversno-conesfromTony.“Yougetsomethingforyourselfwiththechange?”
“I’drathersaveitforsomethingelse,Coach.I’msupposedtogotocollegesoonandI’vebeensavingallIcantohelpmydad.”
Adalyn’sgazebouncedfrommetothekid,andIcouldtellthegearsinherheadwereworkingsomethingout.“Tony,”sheventured.“Howwouldyoufeelabouthelpingoutwiththeteam?”
Theboy’sfacebrightened.“Iwouldlovethat.Butthefarm—”Hefrowned.“Idon’tknowifIhavethetime.PersonnelatthefarmistightandI’dhatetoleavemydadhanging.”
Adalyn’sfacefell.
“Letustalktoyourdad,”Isaid.“Nowgositdown.We’llleavewhenthegirlsaredonewiththesno-cones.”
Theboyleftwithanod.
“AreyouokaywithmyideatohireTony?”Adalynasked.“Iprobablyshouldhaverunitbyyoufirst.”
Isnaggedthetakeawaycupofteafromtheboxandhandedittoher.“No.Ithinkit’sagreatidea,boss.”
“He’sabigfanofthegame.SoIthought…”Shelookeddownatthecontainerasitrestedinmyhand.“What’sthat?”
“Tea.It’sforyou.Takeit,”Itoldher,andherjawclenched.Ittookheramomentbutherhandwrappedaroundthecup.Thistime,itwasn’tthetouchofherfingersagainstmyskinthatcausedsomethingtotugagainstmygut.Itwasthewayshewaslookingatme,asifI’ddonethisgreatthingforherbygettingheratea.
“Don’tlookatmelikethat,darling.”
“It’sjustthatyou…”Rememberedshedoesn’tdrinkcoffeeafternoon.“Youcanbeverynice,Cameron.”
AfterhowItreatedher,itshouldn’tsurprisemethatshe’dthinkthatway.Iwasn’tacompleteasshole,butIdidn’tgoaroundextendingsmilesandhugs.Ihadn’tliedwhenIsaidIwasalittlemean.Ihadbeen.
Ithrewanarmaroundhershouldersandusheredhertowardherbench.Wesatdown.“Justkeepingthemanagerwarm,isall,”Isaid,snaggingaconefromthetrayformyself.Imovedclosertoher,shelteringherfromthewindthathadpickedup.“I’dhatetolookforanewone.I’dprobablyendupsaddledwithJosie.”
Adalyngavemeanotherofthosesmall,beautifulsmilesinresponse,andIcoulddonothingbutwatchherasshetookalongpulloftea.
“Isthesno-conegood?”Adalynasked,glancingsidewaysatme.“Idon’tthinkI’vehadoneinages.”
Iwasreadytotellherthatmaybestickingtotheteawasabetteridea,buthereyesdippeddownatthethingwithobviouscuriosity.AndwhoIwastotellherwhetherornotshecouldhavealick?LikeIsaid,Iwasaselfishman.
“Haveagoatit,darling.”
Iliftedthethinginobviousofferingandwatchedhermouthnearthesmallmoundofice,tongueout,gentlygrazingthetopbeforereallydiggingin.
Mypulsespedup.Andavoiceinsidemyheadsaid,Youhornybastard.Butyeah.Therewasnodenyingit.Iwasturnedon.ByAdalyn,nottheice.
“So,CoachCornfield,”María’svoicecutthroughthehaze.“Howarethecurmudgeonsonyourbutt?”
Myeyes,whichhadbeenonAdalyn’smouth,widened.AndAdalyn,whohadamouthfulofice,snorted.
Itwasashockinglyloudsound,anditpropelledsomeofthepinkandbluemixoutofhernose.Adalyn’shandflewtoherface,coveringthecolorfulmessdrippingdownhernoseandchin.
Asecondofchargedsilenceensued.
Then,oneofthekidssaidinwhatwas,withoutmistake,awe,“WHOA.ThatisthecoolestthingI’veseeninmywholelife.”
Adalyn,whostillhadallmyattention,seemedshockedbythekid’swords.
ButwhenChelseaadded,“Yeah,MissAdalyn.Thatwassupercool.Doyouthinkyoucanteachus?”Therestoftheteamagreed,andsomethingelsefilledthefaceofthiswomanwhoseemedabletocontinuouslycatchmeoffguardlikenobodyelseeverhad.
Pride.Itwaspride.
Andasmycurmudgeonswerequicklyandluckilyforgotten,theteam’smoodpickedup,andtheconesdisappeared,myeyesremainedonthewomansittingbymyside.Thisusuallyexasperatingandoutwardlyprimwoman,whohadjustsnortediceouthernoseandlookedthoroughlypleasedaftergettingthekids’approval.Thetuginmygutintensified,pullingsotightthatIhadtocatchmybreathforasecond.Somethinginmychestshifted.Warmed.Makingme…
Ifroze.
“Fuck.”
Herheadturned,andshelookedatmewiththatsomewhatsheepish,somewhathappylookonherface.Jesus,she’dneverlookedmorebeautifulthanrightnow.“What’swrong?”
“Huh.”Iclearedmythroat.“What?”
“Yousaidthef-word,”sheansweredsimply.HadI?“Didtheicegettoyourhead?”
Definitelynottheice.“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Theice,”sheexplained,takingaquicksipofteafromthecup.“IthappenstomewhenIordericedlattes.ItgetstomyheadifIdrinktoofast.Butnevermind.Iguessmanlymen’sbrainsdon’tfreezewithsno-cones.”
“That’swhatyouthinkofme?”cameoutofmymouth.“ThatI’msomeimpressivemanlyman?”
“Ididn’tsayimpressive.”Sherolledhereyes,butfuck,thecornersofherlipsturnedupagain.
“Whatelsedoyouthinkofme?”Iasked,nudginghershoulderwithmine.Somethingcameoverme.Somethingcausedbytheturmoilinside.Iloweredmyvoice.“Anythingthatkeepsyouawakeatnight?”
Adalyn’smouthparted.Hertonguesnuckout.AndIthought,Goon,love.Throwmeabone.BecauseIwantedhertoteaseme.AndIknewshewantedto,too.Icouldalreadytastethewordscomingoutofhermouth,Icouldalreadyfeelthemonmytongue.
Butthen,hergazemovedbehindme.Herexpressionchanged.
Andjustlikethat,allhellbrokeloose.CHAPTERTWENTY-ONE
Adalyn
Forasecond,I’dthoughtIwaswrong.
ThatIhadtobewrong.
BecausehowunluckydidIhavetobe?HowveryunluckywasIthatonthedayIwassomehowhavingabreakthrough,onthedayIwasn’tfeelinglikethefailureIwas—theembarrassment,thetotalandcompletecastaway—areminderhadtobeflungbackatmyface?
OnemomentIwaslookingatCameron,gettingalittlelostinthewayhiseyeswereroamingaroundmyfacelikehewasseeingsomething,alittlepartofmyself,perhapsevenme,forthefirsttime.Sittingtherewiththeteahe’daskedTonytogetmebecauseherememberedIdidn’tdrinkcoffeeafternoon.Awarmththathadnothingtodowiththeteaorthenearnessofhisbodysurging,breakingthroughme.
Andthenext,poof.Everythingwasgone.
Atfirstithadbeennothingmorethanaflashofcolor.AshapeI’dtoldmyselfnottothinkanythingof.Butthen,theguymoved,asifhisintentionwastoapproachus.Hischestfacedme,andIknewjusthowwrongIwas.Howfoolish
HeworeahoodiewiththeexactimageI’dseenontheenergydrinkwebsite.Thecan.Thedoodleofmyface.Theslogan:CHOOSEENTERTAINMENTOVERDIGNITY.
Itallcamebacktomethen,thefactI’dnevergottenanupdatefromMiami.ThatIdidn’tknowwhenorifthey’dtakenlegalaction.WhatIknewwasthattherewasaguywithmyenragedfaceonhisclothes.InNorthCarolina.SoIpanicked.Myheartdroppedtomyfeet,Ifeltallmybloodleavemyface,andIdidwhatIshouldhaveprobablydonethatdayIarrivedinGreenOak,rightafterIpulledthepinandmademyorderly,neatlifeimplode.
Iran.
OrItried.Becauseinstead,IwhirledonthebenchIwassitting,trippedoverthewaterkeg,andplungedintotheground,managingtosqueezethetake-outcupsohard,thelidflewoffandthecontentsspilledalloverme.
Itwasn’tpretty,andIwassureI’dgonedownwithascream.
Ishouldhavebeenmortified,humiliated,really,becauseI’dbeendoingalotoffallingandtrippingandIwas,frankly,sickofit.Andyet,evenasIwentthroughthathurdle,Ikeptthinking,Well,atleastCameronwilllookatme.Notatthemaninthehoodie.Atleasttheonepersonintownwhohasn’tseenthathorriblevideowon’tfindoutthisway
SoIremainedthere,ontheground,likethedumbassIfeltIwas,catchingmybreath,andthen,justasalltheadrenalinestartedtocomedownandreliefwasquicklyreplacedbyshame,Cameronwasthere.
Hishandslandedonme,andIdidn’twanttolookathim,becauseIwasreallydonewiththeworld.ButallIcouldseewashim.Curseaftercurselefthismouthashetouchedandpokedandpalmedeverylimbandpartofmybodyinanalmostfranticway.Somevaguelytherepartofmethoughttocomplain,butIwastoooverwhelmed.Bythetripandthereminderofwhatmylifehadbecome.Bythefactthattherewassomeguywearingmerchwithmyfaceandwhatthatcouldimply.BythenowrealpossibilitythatCameroncouldneverlookatmethewayhehadminutesago.By…everything.
Cameronmovedevencloserashekneeledthere,andreal,understandablewordsfinallystartedleavinghismouth.“Whatthefuck,Adalyn,”hesaidthosedeepgreeneyesmeetingminewithagravitythatshouldn’thavebeenthere.HadItrippedsomiserably?“Tellmeyou’reokay,”hedemanded.“Didyouhityourhead?”Oneshakeofmyhead.“Whatthefuckhappened?”Anotherbobofmylips.“Whyareyounottalking,love?”Love.Love?Mybreathgotstuckinmythroat.“Isawyoulookingbehindme.Didanyonesaysomethingtoyou?”Hisexpressionchanged,andhestartedmovingaway.“I’mgoingto—”
“No,”Isaid,grabbinghisarm.
Heimmediatelyhalted,butthatmurderousexpressionwaslockedinplace.
Whywashesomad?
Therewasmovementinmyperipheralvision,andwhenIlooked,Isawmerch-guytalkingtoTony,thenturningaway.Hewasleaving,payingusnomind,andIshouldhavebeenrelieved,Ireallyshouldhave,butmyheartwasracingtoofastandmyheadwasallovertheplace.
IreturnedmyattentiontoCameron,noticinghehadn’tmovedaninch.Iwettedmylips,clearedmythroatuntilIcouldspeak,andthen,said,“Canwego?”Hestilldidn’tmove.“Please.Canyoutakemehome?”
Thatfierceandhostileemotionvanishedfromhisface,andwithoutaword,hishandsmoved,remindingmetheywerestillonmybody.Theylandedonmybackandonmywaist.Hewaitedformetotakethefirststep,movinghisshoulderclosersoIcoulduseitforsupport.Ibracedmyhandthere,pushedmyselfup,butthemomentIplacedweightonmyleftfoot,Iwentdownagain.
“Myankle,”Iyelped.“IthinkIsprainedit.”
Iwasimmediatelyliftedintheair.
Mytemplefellagainstawarmandsolidchest.Hisscentsurroundedme,makingmefeelthingsIdidn’twanttoaccept.Iclosedmyeyes.“God,thatwassoembarrassing.”Ashakybreathleftme.“Iembarrassedmyselfandyouguys.I’msosorry.”
Cameron’sribcagevibratedwithsomethinglikeagruntorascoff,Iwasn’tsureandIdidn’twanttoknow.Iwasscaredhe’dagreeandtellmejusthowridiculousIwas.Butthosewordsnevercame.
Hemovedwiththoselongandconfidentstrides,holdingmeupinhisarms,andtheonlythinghesaidwas,“I’vegotyounow,love.”
BythetimewereachedLazyElkIwas…anassortmentofjumbledthings.
Forone,Iwasinpain.Thedrivebackhadn’tbeenlong,andI’dbeenquicklycheckedbyGrandpaMoe,butasmyanklecooledoff,thepainhadsteadilygrownintoasharpbitethatkeptawinceonmyface.
Iwasalsoembarrassed.Still.Itdidn’tmatterthatCameronhadn’tcommentedonthefall.Itdidn’tmatterthathe’dlimitedhimselftodrivinginsilence,sendingmequickglancestocheckifIwasstillthere.Icouldhearthewheelsinhisheadturningfromthepassenger’sseat.Heknewtherewassomethingwrong.
Andlast,butcertainlynotleast,Iwasexperiencinganarrayofemotionsthatwentfromconfusedtoshockedtoaghasttocurioustogiddy,onlytoreturnrightbacktoconfused.
Cameronhadcalledmelove.
He’dcarriedmetohiscarlikethedamselindistressI’dneverallowedmyselftobe,andcalledmelove.He’dsomehowproducedanicepackandplaceditonmyankleafterIhadtoendurethosebigwarmhandsproddingandtouchingandmassagingmyleg.Histouchhadbeensoclinical,suchamedical,experttouch,thatI’dscoldedmyselfwhenthosetingleshadspreadallovermybody.I’dbeenmadattheelectricitycracklingundermyskin,whenallhe’dbeendoingwascheckingonme.
Iblamedthefour-letterwordthathadcomeoutofhismouth.
TheI’vegotyounow,too.
Ididn’tunderstand.Iwasperplexed,besidesbeinginpainandembarrassedandmadanddazedandsimply…tired.SotiredIwantedtosleepallofthisaway.Closemyeyesandforgetabouttoday,andlastweek,andtheweekpriortothat.Iwantedtohibernateuntilallthemessthatwasmylifewentaway.
SowhenCameronkilledtheengine,andparkedintheexactsamespothealwaysdid,IjumpedoutofthecarwithallthedignityIhadleftandlimpedaway.
AndjustlikeeverytimeI’dindulgedinadramaticescape,Cameronwassuddenlyrightthere.
Hishandscamearoundmywaist,andhesaid,“Letme—”
ButIraisedafinger,puttingastoptohisunnecessaryrescuemissionwithasimple,“No.”
“No?”herepeated,buttohiscredit,hishandsfelltohissides.
MyvoicewobbledwhenIsaid,“Idon’tneedyoutocarrymeinsidelikeI’m…”Someoneyoucareabout.Someoneyougethotdrinkswhenthey’recold.Someoneyoucalllove.“Something.”
Hisexpressiontightenedandsomehowfell,allatthesametime.Cameronlooked…hurt,ifIhadtochooseanemotion.AndIfeltlikeI’djustkickedapuppy.Orababygoat.
Withashakeofmyhead,Ilimpedtowardtheporch,Cameronclosebehind,andfoundasmallboxonmydoorstep.Icranedmynecktoinspectthelabel,recognizingMatthew’shandwriting.Ileaneddown,flexingmysupportinglegsoIcouldpickitup,buteveryoneonthisporchknewflexibilitywasn’tmythingandthetaskturnedouttobe,frankly,impossible.
Inaswiftmotion,Cameronpickeduptheboxwithonehandandliftedmeintheairwithhisotherarm.
“Itoldyou—”Istarted.
“Cutthebullshit,willyou?”heinterjected,andhowinfuriatingwasitthathisscoldingwasdeliveredinthesoftest,mostgentletone?“Good.Nowthatyouhavestoppedbitchingforaminute,canyoupleaseunlockthedoor?”
IpulledoutthekeyfromthebagstillhangingoffmyshoulderanddidasIwasasked.
Cameronkickedtheunlockeddooropenwithhisfootandstompedinsidethecabin,carryingmeandtheboxinhisarms.
“Box,”hebarked.“Where?”
“Besidethebed,”Iansweredwithasigh.“Please.”
Hemovedinthatdirection.“Notabed.”
“Yeah,Iknow,”Iadmittedwithbarelyanyenergyleft.“Whoknows,maybeMatthewsomehowmanagedtofitamattressinthattinybox.”
MycommentonlyseemedtospikeCameron’sfrustration,becauseinsteadofputtingtheboxdown,heletitdroptothewoodenfloorwithathump.
“Hey.Whatifit’ssomethingfragile?”
“I’llreplaceit.”Heshrugged,shiftingmybodyandbringingmemoresecurelyintohischest.“Where?”
“Downonthebed,please.”
WithmoregentlenessthanIwasabletoprocessinthatmoment,hesetmedown.Hiseyesroamedaroundmybody.Down,andup,anddownagain.Hisjawclampeddowntightly.
“I’llbefine,”Imurmured.“It’sjustasprainedankle.”
Hisbrowarched,hiseyesstillnotmeetingmine.Morewordswerebarked.“Shower,ice,painkillers,andsleep.”
“Whyareyouenumeratingthingsorbarkingoutsinglewords?”Ifumbledwiththebuttonsofmytrenchcoat.“Whyareyounottalkingorlookingatme?Ialreadyapologizedforearlier.”
Thatmuscleinhisjawjumped.“It’snotanapologyIwant.”
“Whatdoyouwantthen?”Apause.Noanswer.“Fine,don’ttalktomethen.”
Hisgazefinallymetmine.“I’mnottalkingbecauseIdon’ttrustmyself,”hesaid,thestormthatIcouldtellhadbeengatheringinsideofhimbreakingfreeinthegreenofhiseyes.“BecauseifIsaymorethanafewwords,you’regoingtofindmorereasonstohateme,Adalyn.You’regoingtothrowafuckingfit,andyou’regoingtomakethisextrahardforme.So,please,”hesaid,hisvoiceturningrockyandstrangelylow.“Shower,ice,painkillers,andsleep.”
What,Iwantedtoask.WhatexactlyamIgoingtomakeextrahardforyou?
ButIknewtheanswertothat.Everything.Everysinglething.BecausethatwaswhatIdidbest.Complicatethings.SoImanagedanodandtoldhim,“Youcangonow.Thanks.”
Cameron’seyelidsflutteredshut,andhemuttereda“Goodfuckingriddance”beforeturningawayandwalkingoff.
Iwaitedforthedoortoclosebehindhimandwhenthesoundreachedme,IdidexactlytheoppositeofwhatI’djustagreedtodo.First,Ilimpedtothekitchenette,grabbedapairofscissors,andreturnedstraighttothebox.Inside,therewasanotestucktosomethingthathadbeenrolledintissuepaper.Itread:
MAKEITUPTOME.
YOUR(ONLY)BFF,
M.
Makewhatuptohim?IwonderedwhileItoreapartthepaper.IfI’dbeenalittlemorelucidandalotlessinpain,perhapsIwouldhaveimmediatelyknown,butitwasn’tuntilIunwrappeditandturneditaroundthatIunderstood.
Istaredattheshirt—theblacklong-sleevedjerseywiththenumber13—andsevensimplelettersthatspelledaname:CALDANI
“Thisjerk,”Isaid,droppingdownmyarmsandsettingasidewhathadbeenCameron’sL.A.Starsjerseyforthelastyearsofhiscareer.“ThisjerksentmethissoIcouldgetitsignedforhim.”
Anyotherday,IwouldhavecalledMatthewandtoldhimthathecouldforgetaboutit.PerhapsIwouldevenaskhowhe’dmanagedtogetthispackageheresofast.Buttoday?Ididn’tcare.
Igrabbedmypajamas,limpedtothetinybathroom,seteverythingonthecounter,anddraggedmyselfintowhatpassedfortheshower.Iletthehotspringwaterwarmmybody.Oncedone,Idraggedthecurtainbackonlytodiscoverthatbothmydiscardedandsleepingclotheshadfallentothefloorandwerenowdrenched.
“Great.”
Iwrappedmytowelaroundmychestandlimpedbacktothebed.Mygazefellontheblackjerseywiththetinywhitestarsscatteredaroundtheshouldersanduppersectionofthesleeves.Hardlythinking,Isnatcheditupandslippeditovermyhead.Polyesterandnylonweren’tidealfabricstosleepin,butatleastthethingcoveredmyass.
CladintheveryemblemofwhathadrepresentedCameronforthelastyearsofhiscareer,Iletmybodyfallontothemattress,wrappedmyarmsaroundmylegs,closedmyeyes,andcriedmyselftosleep.
Itwasfast,andthelastthingthatcrossedmyconsciousmindwasthatatleastnow,Iwouldrememberthelasttimeatearhadleftmyeyes.
BythetimeIwokeup,itwasdarkoutside.
Allthroughouttheday,Iwasstartledawakebyviolentgustsofwindhittingthecabin,slippinginapainkillerandgoingbacktosleep.Exceptforthislasttime.Nowthewindwastoonoisy,mymindwasgroggyafterallthatirresponsibleself-medication,andmyanklewasradiatingwavesofpainupmyleg.
Irolledwithawince,hopingthatitwouldhelprelievethepain,andstumbleduponsomething.Asourceof…warmth.Wait.Therewassomethingonmybed.Somethingalive.Undernormalcircumstances,Iwouldhaveimmediatelydashedoutofthecabin,butIwassooutofitthatIfoundmyselfreachingout.Itouchedtheobject,probeditwithmyfingers.
Itmewed.
Ireachedformyphoneandlitthespacebeforeme,findingtwoeyesI’dseenbeforestaringbackatme.
“Willow?”
ThecatmadeanoiseIinterpretedasayesandclimbedontomylap,burrowingherselfthere.Isawmyselfpettingherfurconfidently,likethiswassomethingIdideverynight.Hersmallbodystartedvibratingagainstmybellyandchest.Itwassuchanoddfeeling,beingpurredon.Butitfeltsocomforting.Italmostmadethewavesofpainrecede.
Wasthiswhypeoplehadcats?
WasthiswhyCameronhadadoptedtwo?
“Doyoucurlupinhislapandpurr?”Iheardmyselfaskherinthedarknessoftheroom.
Agustofwindhitoneofthesidesofthecabin,andWillowraisedherhead.
“S’kay,”Idrewout.“Thewind’sscary,butI’mherewithyou.”Astrangethoughtflashedthroughmygroggymind.“I’veneverbeenheldthroughastorm,y’know.InevertoldanyoneI’mscaredofthem.Igrabmycomfortertightandtellmyselftobestrong.ButI’llholdyou.”
Willowsettledagain,asifconvincedbymyargument.
“I’vebeeninCameron’sarms,y’know,”Icontinued.“Andyou’vebeeninhislap.”Willow’sheadinchedupward,restingagainstmybreasts.“Ithinkthatmakesusfriends.”Ifrowned.“Doeshehaveagreatlap?”
Sheproddedatmewithhersmallbicolorsnout.
“Yeah,that’swhatIthought.”Iclosedmyeyes,memoriesofashirtlessCameronholdingthisverysamecat.Jealous.He’dimpliedWillowwasjealous.Ofme.Athoughttookshape.“Ohno.Hemustbeworriedsickaboutyou.”
Iopenedmymessagesappandstartedtyping,butmyeyesfeltweirdandthelettersdanced.SoIpressedonthetinymicsymbolonthecorner,andstartedrecordinginstead.
AndwhenIwasdone,Ihitsend.CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO
Cameron
Istoleaglanceatthesilentphoneonmylap.
Itwasdrivingmeinsane.
Thewholeday,I’dbeenathome,andasmuchasItriedtodenywhy,itwasn’tbecauseoftheturntheweatherhadtaken.Itwasbecauseofher.
WasIagiantfoolforlisteningtoAdalynandgivingherspace?WasIanidiotofepicproportionsforstormingoutoftherelikethat?
Yes.Iwasprobablyboththings.Andamangoneinsane,too,soonenough.
Now,itwastwoa.m.,andIwasstaringattheceilingofmybedroom,blinkingawaytheimagesthatassaultedmymind.Adalynatthegame.Adalyn’ssmile.Herscramblingoffthebenchlikeshe’dseenaghost.Theexpressionofpainwhenshe’dtriedtostandup.Theshamethathadbeenunderlyingallofthat.Herapologyforembarrassingus.Christ.Wherethehellhadthatcomefrom?
Ididn’tunderstand.I—
Myphonepingedwithamessage,andinaflash,myhandwasreachingoutandflippingonthelights.Isatonthebedandunlockedthedevice.
AmessagefromAdalynpoppeduponthescreen.Avoicememo.
Withafrown,Ihitplay.
“Hey,wassup,”hervoicedrawled.Somethingwaswrong.Adalyndidn’tdrawl.Shealsoneverspokeso…weakly,hervoicesofrail.Icametoastandandlookedformyclothes,hervoicefillingtheroom.“She’shere,withme.We’resittinginmybedthat’snotreallyabedandgettingthroughthestormtogether.Ihopethat’sokay,becauseifyoudon’tmind,I’dliketokeepher.Justfortonight.Miami’sstormsaremuchscarierbutshe’skeepingmewarmanddistractingmefromthepainandthenoiseoutside.”Asighleftherlips.
ButallIkeptthinkingwasPain,pain,pain,she’sinpain.
Myfingermovedtostopthemessage,mybodyalreadyinflightmode,butherwordsbroughtmetoahalt.“IthinkItookonetoomanypainkillers,Idunno.Thatwas…verystupid.Ididn’ticemyankle,either.LikeGrandpaMoeandyousaid.ButIrememberedIdon’thaveafreezer.Orice.I…don’thavemanythingshere.Ididn’tcomplainaboutthecabinbecauseIdon’tthinkIshould,y’know?Iwastryingtobestrongandindependent.I…Idon’tthinkIhavemanyfriends.”Abriefpause.“Idon’tevenknowifIhavefriendsbackhomeinMiami.Doesmyassistantcount?Wewentoutfordinneronce,butIdon’tthinkshehadfun.”Astrangesoundcamethroughtheline.“MaybeI’mnotallthatfriendly.Ornice.Ithinkyoulikedmetoday,butyoudon’tlikemeallthatmuchso,yeah.Anyways,Willow’swithme.Doyouthinkthat’sokay?I’msureyouhaveagreatlap,butshelookscomfyinmine.”
Iblinkedatthescreen,standingfrozenatthesideofmybed,theonlythingmovingwasmyheart,poundingfuriously.
Anewvoicememopoppedup,kickingmebackintogear.
“Iwantedtoclarify,”hervoiceexplainedwhenIhitplay.“ThatI’mnotthinkingaboutyourlap.Nottoomuch.Butifit’sashardasyourchest,it’dexplainwhyWillowlikesithere.BecauseI’msoft.Andyou’rehard.”
Anewmessageappeared.
“Yourlapishard.”
Thenanotherone.
“Notyou.”Apause.“Althoughyou’rehard,too.Iguess?Ahard-ass.Notyourass,butyou.It’syourpersonalitythatIdon’tlike.”
Ishookmyhead,andlookedup,findingmyselfatthefootofthebednow,withmysweatsandahoodieinmyhand.Idressedquickly.
WhenIlookedbackatthescreen,anewmemowasin.
Jesus,shewassendingthemasIplayedthem.Whywasn’tshecallingmeinstead?
Iranoutthedoor.
Andinrecordtime,Iwasonherporch,thedoor,ofcourse,irresponsiblyunlocked.AtrailofcursesfellfrommylipsasIcrossedthetinycabininthreelongstrides.
ThemomentmyeyesstumbleduponthesightofAdalyn,curledupwithWillow,astrangledsoundclimbedupmythroat.IrushedtothebedandIkneeleddown.Itslappedmeinthefacethen.Howimpossibleitwasformenottoacknowledgetheemotionstirringfuriouslyagainstmyribcage.Christ,Iwantedtoshakeher.Toshakemyself,too.Tohowl,forsomefathomlessreasonthatIknewhadtodomorewithmethanher.ButImademyselfpushitalldown,becauseshewaspassedout.RightwhereI’dlefther.Vulnerableandalone.
Clampingmyjawdown,Icurledmyarmsaroundher,securingoneatherbackandoneunderherthighs.Jesus,shewassosoftagainstme.Andshefeltsowarm.Toowarm.Stiflingagrunt,IpulledheragainstmychestastightlyasIcouldandpickedherup.
Itwasthen,whenItheblanketfelloff,thatIsawwhatshewaswearing.
Thecharcoalblack,thestarredsleevesandshoulderpads,theteam’semblemattherightsideofherchest.ItwasmyL.A.Starsjersey.Mine.Ididn’tneedtoseetheback,becausenooneelseontheteamhadwornblack—onlymeatthegoal.
Iclosedmyeyes.AllIneededwasamoment.JustafewsecondsbeforeIdidsomethingrecklessI’dregret.
Herheadbobbedagainstmychest,andIreopenedmyeyestohersastheylookedup.“Cameron?”sheasked,blinkingwithconfusion.Surprise.“You’rehere.Whyareyouhere?”
“Ishouldn’thaveleftyouhere,alone.”Iswallowedhard.“I’msosorryIdid.”
Adalynblinkedagain,andthenagain,andJesusfuckingChrist,thenshewentandgaveasmile.Bigandsweetandbeautiful.Somuchthatthegorgeousbrowninhereyeslitup.
Willowjumpedoffthemattresswithawhimper,gettingmyattention.Walkinglazilytowardthedoor,asifmarkingapath.Encouragingmetotakeherhome.
IreturnedmyeyestothewomaninmyarmsandIfollowedbehind.
I’dthoughtAdalynwouldaskwhereIwastakingher,orperhapscomplainorputupafight.Butinstead,shemurmured,“ButIdidn’taskyoutocomeforme.”
Mythroatwenttightwiththewords.“Youneverneedtoask,love.”CHAPTERTWENTY-THREE
Adalyn
Iwokeupwithajolt.
ThefirstthingIbecameawareofwashowcomfortableandwarmIwas.Howgoodthelinenaroundmybodysmelledandhowplushthecomforterwas.
Irolledontomyside,eyelidsblinkingandtryingtomakesenseofwhereIwas.Mylegsbumpedagainstsomethingsolidandwarm.
“What…”Imurmured,lookingdownandfindingaballofbicoloredfur.“Willow?Why—”
Everythingcameback.Glimpseafterglimpseofthelasttwenty-fourhours,topplingrightintomymind.
Theguywiththehoodie.Mypanic.Thepainemanatingfrommyankleandtravelingupmycalf.Theirresponsibleintakeofpainkillers.Willowcurlinguponmylap.Cameron’sarms.Thefeelingofhischestunderneathmycheek.Hispalmagainstmyhair.Thesoothinghumofhisvoice.
Cameron’sarms.
He’dbroughtmetohiscabin.Withhim.Icouldn’texactlyrememberwhy.ButifwhatI’djustrecalledwasright,he’dgoneasfaras…soothingmebacktosleep.Theimagewastooclear,toosharp,formetothinkI’dimaginedit.He’dsatbymysideandstrokedmyhairuntilI’dfallenasleep.
Awaveofheatclimbedallthewayuptomyface.God,Imusthavebeeninreallybadshape.
WithmoreeffortthanIshouldhaveneeded,Isatbackonthebed,obtainingaskepticalglancefromthecatasshestretchedherpawsbymyside.“Sorry,friend,”Itoldher,andsheyawnedatme.“Isthatokay?ThatIcalledyoufriend?”Shejumpedovermylegsandsettledherselfagainstmyhip.Itookherstayingasayes.“Thanks.Ialsothinkwearefriendsafterlastnight.”
Herheadfellbackonthecomforteragain,andIwasn’tgoingtolie,thecatlikingmebackfeltlikeawinI’dtake.EspeciallyconsideringthelikelyawkwardconversationIhadaheadofmetoday.
Withasigh,Irolledoutofthebed,feelingthesharpbiteofpainwhenIrestedmyrightfootonthefloor.Ipushedthroughit.Ihadmorepressingconcernstodealwith.Ilimpedmywayoutoftheroomandintoahallway,carefullystoppingeveryfewfeettomakesurewhereIwasgoing.ThelastthingIneededrightnowwastofindCameroninsomeinappropriatesituationlike,Idon’tknow,changingorslippingoutoftheshowerorgettingundressed…
OrmaybeyoushouldsimplystopthinkingofCameronnaked,avoicescreamedinmyhead.
IdiscardedallthoughtsinvolvingCameronandcontinuedmyhopping.Therewasmusiccomingfromthefarendofthehallway,soIveeredthatwayandencounteredthekitchenandlivingarea.
Catchingmybreath,Ibracedmyselfonthewhitemarbleislandandtookabreaktoletmygazeroam.Acream-coloredchaiselonguelaidrightinthemiddleofthespace,rusticandminimalisticdécorscatteredonshelves,timberbeamscrossedtheceiling,gorgeouswindowpanesletthesunlightin,ahalf-nakedmandidahandstand,thetable—
Myeyesretracedtheirtrajectoryastep,snappingintofocus.
Whoa.
TherewereveryfewinstancesinlifethatI’dbeenasshocked,aswhollyandcompletelybefuddledasIwasinthatinstant.WasIimaginingthis?No,therewasnowaymymindcouldsummonsuchperfection.Myimaginationreallysucked.SoCameronhadtobethere,attheveryendofthelivingroom.Gloriouslyshirtless.
Andhehadn’tlied.
CameronCaldaniwasn’tjustgoodatyoga.Heexcelledatit.
AndIapparentlyexcelledatgettinghotandbotheredwatchinghim.
Becauseallofmybloodwasrushingtomyfaceatthesightofhimshirtless.Withhiselbowsonthemat,legsup.Inapairoflooseworkoutshortsthatgravitywaspullingdownhisbeautifulquads.Myeyesgotlostinthereforasecond,inthatmuscledsectionofhisthighsshiningwithsweat.Icouldmakeouttheedgeofadesignthere.Athightattoo?OhGod,Ididn’tthinkIcouldtakethat.Itwasbadenoughthatthearmhehadcoveredininkwasnowflexed.Thathispecs—oneofwhichwasalsocoveredinbeautifuldesigns—werebuncheduplikeI’dneverseenmusclesbunchinreallife.Itwas…
“Ouch,”Iyelped,themomentthefootI’dkeptupintheairunconsciouslytouchedtheground.
Cameron’seyesblinkedopen.AndbeforeIcouldpreparetosayanything,todoanythingbutgawk,hislarge,glistening,andridiculouslyflexiblebodywastopplingtothefloor.Sideways.Landingonthematwithaloudthud
Igasped,startingforhim.
Buthegruntedfromthefloor,“Don’tmove.”AndIfrozeonthespot.
“Areyou…okay?”
“Jesusfuck,”hehalfgrowled,halfsighedasaresponse.“Iwasunprepared.”
Iopenedmymouthtoaskunpreparedforwhat,butadashoforangeshotpastme,distractingmefrommywords.
“She’sgoingtogivemeshitforthat,”CameronsaidwhenIglancedbackathim.Hesatupwithagroan.“ThatwasPierogi.ShelikestoliedownattheendofmymatwhenIworkout.”
Pierogi.Hisothercat.Yeah,IthinkI’dliketodothesamething,consideringtheviews.“Areyousureyou’reokay?”
Hisjawclenchedandwhenhelookedup,hiseyesfellonmychest.Shoulders.Legs.Hisgazewasallovertheplace,asifhecouldn’tdecidewheretolooknext.Heswallowed.“Nopointindenyingthatseeingyouinmyjerseysentmetumblingtothefloor.”
Myeyeswidened.Hisjersey.“Ididn’tmeantosleepinthis.Matthewsentitsoyouwould—”Istoppedmyself.“Ididn’ttellhimaboutyou.Hefoundoutaccidentally.WithapictureItook.He’ssuchahugesoccerfan,herecognizedyoufromyourprofile.I—”
“I’llgivehimasignedjersey,”Cameronoffered.Simply.Curtly.
“Hewillappreciateit.No,hewillloveyouforthat.”AndIhadnoideawhy,butIrememberedinthatexactmomentthatIwaswearingnounderwearunderneath.Ituggedatthehem.“I…thinkweshouldprobablytalk?Lastnightwaskindofamess,andyoumusthavequestions.”
“Willyou?”
Ifrownedinquestion.
“Appreciateit,”hesaid,standingupinaswiftmotion.HecrossedthedistancetowhereIstoodinlongdeterminedstridesandstoppedrightinfrontofme.Oureyesmet.“BecauseI’monlyofferingforyou.”
Ihonestlydidn’tknowwhattodowiththatinformation.“Yes,”Iheardmyselfsay.“Iwouldappreciateit.”Ialreadydid.Morethanheknew.
Cameronnodded.“Whatdoyouwanttotalkabout,then?”
Everything,Ishouldhavesaid.Buthewasstandingsoclose,withallthatbeautifulinkedandglisteningskinondisplay,lookingatmeso…intently,thatIjustbabbledthefirstthingIcould.“Ioweyouanapology.Forlastnight.”
Cameron’sheadtiltedtotheside.“Youdon’t,notreally.”Hisarmroseandthebackofhishandbrushedmyforehead.“How’sthepain,darling?”
Mylipspartedatthetouch.Thequestion.“It’s…I’mokay,”Imumbled.“It’snotthatbigofadeal.”
Ahumclimbeduphisthroat.“Iwonderwhomadeyoubelieveyoudon’tdeservetobefussedover,”hesaidsosimplyandhonestlythatIcouldonlyblink.“IwasworriedlastnightandIamworriednow.”Hisbrowsknotted.“Infact,Imightbealittlemad,too.”
“Youmight?”
Thepadofhisthumbmoved,grazingmyjawverybriefly.Ifeltmyselfmeltunderthatfeatherlighttouch.“Youshouldhavecalledme.”
Thewordleftmeinawhisper.“Why?”
“Becauseyouneededme,andIwasn’ttherewithyou,andIhatedthat.”Hislipsbentdown,andmyheartresumedatdoublepacefromtheweightofhiswords.“ThenIgetatrailofmessagesandIgotoyouandfindyouinmyshirt.Thatsomeotherguysentyou.”Hedroppedhishand.“AndIwasneverajealousman.”
Ajealousman.
“IthinkIneedtositdown,”Isaid,hoppingbackastep.
Cameron’sbodyfollowedbehindmine.“Wheredoyouthinkyou’regoing?”
“Tosit—”Iwasliftedup.“OhmyGod.”Isnappedmylegsclosed,helplesstodoanythingelseasCameronwhirledaroundwithmeinhisarms.“Youreallyneedtostoppickingmeuplikethat.”
“I’drathernot,”hecounteredinaseriousvoicebeforeplantingmeonastoolatthekitchenisland.Heturnedaroundandproducedasmallpillow.
Inarrowedmyeyesathim.“Whatdoyoumean,you’drathernot?”
Hewrappedahandaroundmylegs—onesinglehand—liftedthemupandplacedthemonthepillowhehadsetonasecondstool.
“Cameron,”Ihissed.“Youreallyhavetostopthat.”
“Goaheadandtellmewhy,”hesaid,ignoringmeandcomingtomyback.Isensedhisheadclosingin,hischintouchingmyshoulder.“I’msurethere’ssomeelaboratereasonwhyIcan’thelpyoutoachair,”hiswordsfellonmycheek.Goosebumpserupted.“Feminism?ATaylorSwiftsong?Yourtwelve-stepplantodrivemetoinsanity?”
“What—”Thestoolmoved,withmeinit,asIwaspushedclosertotheisland.Ifeltthehemofthejerseyrideupwiththechange.“BecauseI’mnotwearinganyunderwear,”Iblurtedout.
Cameronfroze.
Hedidsoforaveryloudandboisterousinstant,ifamomentcouldeverfeellikethat.“Oh,”hebreathedout,thewordfallingonmyneck.“HowIwishyouwouldn’thavetoldmethat.”
“Youaskedthereason,”Icountered,becausehehad.
“I’llbringyouapairofshortsorsweats.”Alongexhalelefthim,movingaway.“After.”
“Afterwhat?”
“Breakfast.”Hewentaroundtheisland,threwopenthefridge,andlookedatmeoverhisshoulder.“Sweetorsavory?”
Ihesitatedforjustaninstant.
AninstantlongenoughforCamerontostartpullingallsortsofthingsout.Anassortmentoffruits,milk,juice,butter,eggs,afewjarsofjam,somethingthatlookedalotlikeovernightoats,cheese,andevenham.Prosciutto,ifIwasn’twrong.Andonceeverythingwasout,hemovedalongthecabinetsandpluckedapackofslicedbreadoffashelfandthrewitonthenowoverflowingisland
Iblinkedatthedisplay.“Areyoulikeahumansquirrelorsomething?”
“Imightalsohavefrozencroissants,”hesaid,nonchalantly,likehewasn’tconfirmingthathe,infact,hadsquirreltendencies.Hewenttothefreezer,givingmeapanoramicviewofhisalmostnakedbacksideinthoserathertinyshortsasheleaneddown,andpulledoutwhathadtobethefrozencroissants.
Igawkedateverythingbeforeme,includinghim,brainstillfuzzyfromlookingathisassinthoseshorts.Ishookmyhead.“Isthis…whatyouusuallyhave?”
Iwatchedhimtogglewiththeovencontrols.“Ialreadyate.”
“Areyouexpectinganyoneforbreakfast?”ThereminderIwasinasoccerjerseyandcommandounderneathslammedrightbackintome.“Ifsomeoneiscoming,Ihavetochange.”Itriedtopullmyselfoffthestool,butmylegswereupandhe’dpushedmetooclose.“Ineedtoshower.Getdressed.Ishouldprobablygoseeadoctortoget—OhGod,mycar.IsitstillattheVasquezfarm?MaybeIcouldcallsomeonetogopickitup.Idon’tknowwheremyphoneis.I—”
Cameronwassuddenlythere,bymyside.“Ada,darling,”hesaidwithasmile.Abigandsoftsmile.Iwasdazedsilly.“Whatyouneedtodoisstaywhereyouare.Inmykitchen.Hydrate.Eatbreakfast.Then,couchorbed,yourpick.Thedoctorwillcomeseeyouhere.I’vealreadycalled.”
I—What?“Don’t—”
“Tellyouwhattodo?Treatyoulikesomeonewhohadahorribledayyesterdayanddeservesafuckingbreak?”HegavemeashrugandplacedaplateIhadn’tseenhimgrabinfrontofme.“First,food.Then,shower.Then,doctor.Then,whateverelseyouwant.Netflixandchill,ornapuntillunchtime.”Amugwasproducedandsetinfrontofme,too.“Ileftyoutowelsandabathrobeinyourroom.”
Towels.Abathrobe.
Myroom.
Mychestfeltfunny.“Doyouevenknowwhat‘Netflixandchill’means?”
“No.”Thesmilereturned.“ButIdon’treallycare,”hesaid,returningtotheothersideoftheisland.“Youdidn’tsayifyoupreferredsweetorsavorysohere’sallIhave.”
“Unlessyou’replanningonfeedingthewholetown,I’dsaythat’salittletoomuch.”
Cameronglancedateverythinghe’dsetontheisland.Hishandwenttohischest,andheabsentlypattedaspotrightabovearosethatspannedpartofhistattooedpec.Idecideditwasmysecond-favoritetattoo.Hisfingersmoved,andIwonderedhowtheskinofhischestwouldfeeltothetouchwithallthatink.Wouldithavetexture?WoulditbeassoftandsmoothasthearmI’dtouchedwhatfeltlikeaneternityago?Iwantedtoplacemyhandsonhimand—
“Youneedtostoplookingatmelikethat,love.”
Myeyessnappedrightbacktohisface.
Adadarling.Love.Thatsmileonhisfaceagain.
Icouldn’tkeepup.
“Iwasnotlooking,”Iwhispered,cheeksflaming.
“Youwere,andmyegofuckinglovedit.”Hebracedhishandsontheislandandleanedforward.“Otherpartsofme,too.”
IthoughtIchokedonmyownbreath.MygazestartedtodipbutIstoppedmyself.Nomoregawking.Specifically,notunderhiswaist.
Achucklelefthim,thesoundasdistractingastherestofhim.“I’llgrabaquickshowerwhiletheovenpreheats.ThenI’llgetbreakfastreadyforyoubeforeIleave.”
Andwithoutsomuchasanodfrommyside,heturnedaroundandwalkedoutofthekitchen,leavingmetomythoughtsandasetofwildlyinappropriateimagesofhimunderthewaterstream.
Sundaycameandwentinanotherblurofnaps.AndMondaywasn’tallthatdifferent.SowhenCameronreturnedhefoundmeexactlyintheplacehe’dmovedmetobeforerunningouttodosomeerrands:onhislarger-than-lifecouch,cladinanindigobluebathrobe,withmybadankleuponapillowandWillowcurledbymyside.
Heappearedinfrontofme,hisarmsfullofbags.“Whatdidthedoctorsay?”
Leaveittohimtocutstraighttothechase.“Youshouldn’thavecalledandaskedthemtocome.Icanmovejustfine.Ahousecallforasprainedankleisastretch.”
Cameroncarefullyplacedeverythingonthecoffeetableandignoredmycomplaint.Hisgazereturnedtomyface,hisexpressionwaiting,patient.Unbothered.Hearchedhisbrows.
Isighed.“It’salow-gradesprain.Ishouldstayoffitforafewdays,andI’llbefineinaweek.”
Heshotmeaskepticallook.
Irolledmyeyes.“Fromonetothreeweeks.Itdepends.”
“That’swhatIthought.”Aslownod.“Areyouhungry?”
“I’mstillstuffedfrombreakfast,”Iansweredhonestly.He’dpulledoutsomuchfood—again—thatI’dhadasmuchasIcouldjustsohewouldn’thavetothrowanythingaway.Andthatincludedanewbagofminicroissants.Iavertedmyeyes,summoningthewilltosayeverythingI’dthoughtaboutwhilehe’dbeenaway.“Listen,Iappreciateyouraidingyourpantry,feedingme,and…helpingmeout,butIthinkIshouldgonow.”
“Why?”
Thismanandhisquestions.“Because.”
“Becausewhat?”
Iglancedup.Hewaslookingatmewithafocusedexpression.“Becausethisisyourhome,Cameron.BecauseIdon’thavemyclothesormythingsor…”Anydignityleftafterthisweekend,frankly.“You’reanexcellenthostandevenabetterneighbor.IfIweretoleaveyouaYelpreviewI’dcallithigh-qualitygrandmotherlycare,butIcantakecareofmyselfandwecangobacktonormalnow.”
“Grandmotherly.”Heletoutwithalowchuckle.Ugh,thosestupidlylowchuckleshewentthrowingaround.“Didnotexpecttobecomparedtoanan.Whataboutmeisgrandmotherly?”
“Well,lookatme.”Iwavedmyarmsintheair.“Youfedme,putmeinthecoziestbathrobe,andfoundmeallthepillowsinthehouse.”
“Areyounotcomfortable?”
Ishookmyhead.“Iam.Idon’tthinkI’veeverbeenthiscomfortableinmylife.”
Thecornersofhislipstwitched,andIcouldn’tbelieveit,buthehadtheaudacitytolooksmug.Hepointedinthevicinityofmylap.“Willowdoesn’tlikepeople.Shehateseveryone,andafterdraggingherhere,thatalsoincludedme.”Hetiltedhishead.“Idon’tthinkshe’sthatbotheredanymore.”
Ilookeddownatthecat,recallingthatfirsttimeI’dseenher.She’dscratchedCameron’sarm.“Maybeshesensessomething’soffandfeelsbadforme.”
“Maybeshecan’tstayawayanymore.”
Anymore?Ourgazesmet.Andhiswassointense,different,thatIflushed.WerewetalkingaboutWillow?“MaybeI…likethatshelikesme.Itmakesmefeelspecial.Isthatlame?”
“It’snot,”hesaid,Adam’sapplebobbing.“Butifyoukeepbeingthatsweet,she’llsticktoyoursideandneverlookback.Andthat…”Somethingcrossedhisface.“Itwouldcomplicatethings.”
Myheartpoundedinmychest.“I’mnotstealingyourcat,”Icroaked,feelingmyskinheatupunderthebathrobe.“AndIshouldreallygo.”
Cameron’seyeswereonmeforonemoreinstantandthen,hisfocusshiftedtothebags.Hepulledoutthecontents.Sweaters,short-andlong-sleevedshirts,wool-linedfleeces,pants,socks.Everyiteminshadesofgreens,burgundies,andgrays.Everyitemjustliketheonesheowned,allveryfunctional-lookingand…small.MuchsmallerthanwhatIexpectedhissizetobe.
“Cameron?”Iasked,myvoicecomingoutrocky,becausehecouldn’thave,couldhe?“What’sallofthis?”
Hegrabbedamustardbeanieandinspecteditupclose.“Theseareclothes.Youknow,they’remeanttokeepyourbodywarmandprotected.Andyes,theyareappropriatefortheareaandseasonevenifthey’renotuptoVogue’sstandards.”
“You’velivedinL.A.,youshouldknowthatI’mthefurthestthingfromafashionistaorwhateveryou’reimplying.You’vedated—”
“Youranklebegstodiffer.”
“Myheels—”
“Youdon’tneedthemnow.”Hemovedtoanewbagandpulledoutapairofoutdoorboots.“You’lllookjustasbeautifullyimposinginthese.”Mylipsbobbedsilently.Beautifullyimposing?“Onceyourankleswellingcomesdown,ofcourse.Untilthen,”hepaused,hiseyestravelingdownmyrobeandhisfacedoingastrangething.“Youstayrightwhereyouare.Ineedtorunbacktotownforpractice,soJosiewillcomecheckonyou.Sheinsistedaftersheheardwhatshapeyou’rein.”Apause.“ShealsomentionedsomethingabouthelpingyoumoveintoLazyElk,sobeprepared.”
Mybodysprungup.“I’mnotmovingin.”
Cameronshrugged,buttherewasasmirkunderneaththefeignedindifference.
“Absolutelynot,”Icroaked,pushingup.“Idon’tneed—”
“We’regoingtohitpauseontheindependentroutine,okay?”Hisvoicelowered,allamusementgone.“You’restayinghereuntilyoucanwalk.AndI’mtakingcareofyou,hearme?You’regoingtoletme.AndIhopetoGodyoudon’tmakemefightyouoverthis,Adalyn,becauseIpromiseyou,Iwill.I’llburnthatgoddamnshackdownifImust.”
Adalyn.Itfeltsooddtohearhimsaymyname.So…ordinaryafterknowingwhatbeingcalledAdadarlingorlovefeltlike.
God.Iwasamess.
“Okay,”Isaid,andImusthavebeenactinglikeahandfulbecauseCameronlookedshockedforamoment.Ifelthorrible.Isettleddownonthecouchwithasigh.“Thankyoufortakingcareofallthesethings.”Thanksfortakingcareofme.“Butplease,don’tburndownthecabin.I’dhatetohavetobailyououtaftertheychargeyouwitharson.”
Hegavemeoneofthoselopsidedsmirks.
Iavertedmyeyes.TheeffectofhimactivelytakingcareofmewassoloudandclearinmyheadthatIfearedCameronsawitwrittenallovermyface.Sawhowgooditmademefeel.SawhowsweetIthoughthimbuyingclothesformewas.Eveniftheywereugly.
ThetruthwasthatIdidn’thavemuchexperiencebeinginthisposition.
WhenI’ddatedDavid,we’dspentmostofourtimebusywithourownindividuallives.Hehadnevergoneoutofhiswaytodothingsforme,andIhadn’t,either.Thinkingbacktoit,we’dstartedseeingeachotherbecauseithadbeensuggestedbyourrespectivefathers.Maybeevenexpected.Itmadesenseforthesonanddaughterofbusinesspartnerstodate.Sowe…had.Ithadn’tbeenperfectorromantic,butI’dsettled.I’dconvincedmyselfIwascontent,thateveryrelationshipwasdifferent.Iwasn’ttheloving,affectionatetypeso,naturally,Ishouldn’texpectthesamefromaman.
Andnowthisonemanwhohadbeencrystalclearaboutnotlikingmewasdoingallthesethingsforme.Hewasrescuingmeandfeedingmebreakfastandgettingmeclothesandtellingmehewasgoingtotakecareofme.Ididn’tunderstandhowwe’dgottenhere.AndIdidn’tknowwhattodowithalltheseemotionsriotinginmychest,makingitfeeltight.
“Darling?”Cameron’svoicebroughtmebacktohislivingroom,tothecouchIhadbeencarefullysettledonbyhisarms,andalltheplushpillowshe’dplacedaroundme.“Whathappenedyesterday?Whatmadeyousofrightened?”
Frightened.Ihadbeenscared,hadn’tI?
Iletoutashakybreath,andIwassuddenlysotiredofwonderingwhyheevencared,orasked,thatIdidn’tbotherfightinghimanymore.Iansweredwiththetruth.
“SomeoneremindedmewhyIamhere.ThatImessedupbackhome.AndIdon’tknowhowtofixitotherthantodowhatI’mtold.Foramomentyesterday,IalmostfooledmyselfintothinkingthatI’mfineandthisisallokayandnotacompleteanduttermess.”Ishrugged,andperhapsitwasthewayCameronwaslookingatme,notatraceofjudgmentinhiseyes,orperhapsitwassomethingelse,butIadded,“Youwerelookingatmethewayyouarenow.Justlikethat.Ididn’twantittoend.”
Hiswordsweresoft,barelyawhisper.“Likewhat?”
“LikeI’msomethingprecious.Worthlookingat.”
Hisfacefell.“Whywouldyouthinkotherwise?”
“Becausenooneeverlooksatmethatway.”CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR
Adalyn
Mypajamasweren’there.
JosiehadcomewhileCameronwasinpracticewiththeteam.Hehadn’tbeenjoking,she’dshownupatCameron’sdoorwithaboxinherarms.Itcontainedallmythings.
“Move-inday!”she’dsaidwithacheer.
Ididn’tfighther.Ididn’tthinkIhadanyenergyorwillpowerforthat.MyconversationwithCameronhadleftme…raw.
AndasmuchasIthoughtIstillhadn’tdoneanythingtoearnJosie’skindness,Iwantedit.SoIletherfussovermeandbealittlemadfornotsayinganythingaboutthestateI’dbeenlivingin.Thehorriblecottage.
Josiehadcalledmesillyandproud,andthenshe’dstuffedmymouthwithcakeanddemandedIstopbeingsostubborn.IwonderedifCameronandJosiehadgangeduponmeorifIreallyhadbeensocomplicatedtodealwith.
Probablyboth.
Withasigh,IpluckedthecleanL.A.Starsjerseyfromthedryer,shedtherobe,andputiton.I’dhavetosleepinthis,althoughatleastnowI’dbewearingunderwearunderneath.Islippedmyarmsbackintothesoftandcozyrobeandbroughttheedgesovermychest.IwonderedifCameronworethisaroundthehouse.Mayberightoutofbed.Ormaybewhileheloungedaroundtheplace.Whatdidhewearunderneath?Hissleepingclothes?Orwasheoneofthosemenwhosleptinhisunderwear?Animageofhiminnothingbutboxersassaultedme,bringingheattomyskin.Ithoughtbacktotheothermorning.Hisbarechest.Theindentofhiships.Theinkonhisthigh.IwishedIcouldhavegottenacloserlook.I…
Aknockonthedoorofthelaundryroomstartledmerightoutofthosedangerous,dangerousthoughts.WhenIturned,itwasnoneotherthanthemanIhadjustbeenpicturingalmostnakedinmyhead.
Cameronstoodtallunderthedoorframe,inworkoutclothesandwithhishairalittlewet.Iwonderedifitwasrainingorifpracticehadbeenthatintense.
“Hi,”Icroaked.
“Hi,”hesaidback.
Westaredateachother,andtherewassomethingpassingbetweenus.Icouldtell.Thelasttimewe’dtalkedI’dsaidsomethingsthatshouldhaveprobablyremainedthoughts.Hewaslookingatmelikethatagain.Anditmademychesthurtwith…somethingthatfeltalotlikelonging.
“Darling?”
Iclearedmythroat.“Howwaspractice?”
Thecornersofhislipstwitchedatmyquestion.“Thegirlsmadeyouagetwellsooncard.”
Aspotinmychestwarmed.“That’ssoniceofthem,”Iadmitted.Genuinely.Butthen…“IhopeMaríadidn’tbullythemintosigningit.”
“Believeme,theywereallquiteconcerned.YoudidanumberonallofusonSaturday.EvenDianeaskedifyouwereokay.”Camerontookasmallstepforward.“Ileftthecardonyourbedsidetable.”Mybedsidetable.“Yougoteverythingwashed?”
“Yes,”Iansweredwithanod.“I…Ihatetoaskbutdidyouhappentogetmepajamaswitheverythingelse?Minearenowheretobefound.”
Hisexpressionturnedrocksolid.“No.”
“Oh,okay.That’sfine.”Iscratchedthesideofmyhead,feelingalittleshiftyunderhisgaze.“Isoundlikeajerk,don’tI?HereyouaredoingallthesethingsformeandI’mdemandingmoreandmore.I’msosorry.I’llsleepinsomethingelse.”
“Youcanborrowashirt.”
Iopenedtherobeatthechest.“Ialreadyhavethison.”
ThegreeninCameron’seyeschanged.“That’s…”Hetrailedoffwithastrangebreath.Hefrowned.“That’sperfect.You’reheadingtobed?”
“Notyet?”Ifumbledwiththeedgesoftherobe.“I’mactuallyalittlehungry.Andnotsleepyatallafternappingmostofthedayaway.”
Cameronstalkedinmydirection,andintwodeterminedstrideshewasinfrontofme.Thescentofhimhitmerightinthechest.Clean,woodsy,ahintofsweat.Mystomachdroppedwithawareness.Myheartspedup.“I’mdampandsweaty,”hesaid,hiswordsfallingonmytemple.“ButI’dreallyliketocarryyoutothecouch.CanI?”
Istaredupathim,caughtoffguardbyhisquestion.Theurgetoliftmyhandandreachforthosedarklocksofwethairoverwhelmedme.
“Iknowyouhateit,”heexplained.“Butifthesweatbothersyou—”
“Please,”Iwhispered.Justthat.Becausehecouldn’thavebeenanymorewrong.
Inaheartbeat,hisarmsweremovingaroundmeandhewaspickingmeup.Mycheekfellontohischest.Cameronsmelledlikerain.Hardwork.Iclosedmyeyes.“Icouldgetusedtothis.”
Ifeltmorethanheardthesoundthatmadehisribcagevibrate,andinwhatfeltlikenotenoughtime,wewereinthelivingroomandhewasdepositingmeontothecouch.Hisarmsremainedaroundmybodyforamomentlongerthannecessary,makingmeopenmyeyes.
Iforcedmyselftospeak,todrivemyattentionawayfromthefacethatwashoveringtooclose.“Josieleftmashedpotatoesandachickencasseroleinthefridge,”Isaid,myvoicecomingoutallwrong.“I’ll—”
Hishandfellonmythigh,warmandheavyandsolid.Ilookeddown,wishingthethickfabricoftherobewasn’tthere.“Letme,”Cameronsaid.AndwhenIdidn’tcomplain,hestoodup.Hiseyeswentupanddownmybody.“I’mstarving.”
Mystomachdidaweirdthing.“Me,too.”
“Good.I’llputthefoodintheovenandjumpintotheshowerwhileitheatsup.”
Andwiththat,hedisappearedbehindthecouch.
Bythetimeweweredonewithdinner,myheartwasdoingfunnythingsinmychest.
Itwasthedomesticityofitall.Thewayhe’dbroughtmeabrimmingplateoffood.Thefactthathe’dsetaglassofwaterandmypainkillersonthecoffeetable,rightinfrontofme.Thewayweweresittingonthecouch,histhighsoclosetomypropped-upfeetIcouldfeelhisbodyheatonmytoes.Me,inarobe,andCameron,inasweatshirtIwantedtoslipmyhandsundertoseejusthowmuchitwarmedhisskin.WashewearingaT-shirtunderneath?Ididn’tthinkhewas.
Ididn’tthinkIwantedtoknowtheanswertothequestionbouncingoffthewallsofmymindeither.Wasthis—this,righthere—whatthenormalcyofbeinginarelationshiplookedlike?Wasthiswhatagetawayinthemountainswithyourpartnerfeltlike?We’devenbroughtthecats.
Thethought—thepossibility—mademegiddy,excited,curious.Butitalsomademeincrediblysad.ItmademegrieveforwhatIneverhad.Itmademelongformore.Andthatwasadangerousthought.Ascaryone,too.
Isatupwithajolt,andWillow,whohadbeencurledagainstmyside,complained.“Sorry,”Iblurtedout.“ButIcan’tdothis.”Isprint-hoppedawayfromthecouch.“Whereisit?”
Cameronwasuponhisfeetimmediately,buthemusthaveseentheshift,theneedforspace,somethingtodo,becausehedidn’tcomeafterme.Hejustwatched.“Darling?”
Darling.Itdidn’tbothermeanymore,Idecided.No.Ilovedhearingthat.“Mybinder.Theredone.Haveyouseenit?”Iexplained,reachingthekitchen.MakingsureIstayedbalancedononeleg,Istartedthrowingdrawersopen.Utensils.Foilandwrappingpapers.Candles.“Youhavecandles.Tealights.Alsoscentedones.Why?”
“Whywouldn’tI?”
Ishoveditclosed.“BecauseIlovescentedcandlesandyou’re…Idon’tknow.You’reaman.English.”OneIwasn’tsupposedtofindmoreattractivejustbythesimplefactthathehadadrawerfilledwithcandles.
“IswhatbothersyouthefactthatI’mEnglishoraman?”
Imovedtothenextone,findingonlybakingutensils.Didhebake,too?Ithrewitclosed.“Itmakesitallworse.”
“Whatdoes?”
Godhewasbeingsocalm,sopatient,asifIwasn’tpsycho-raidinghiskitchenforabinder.Itwistedmybody,mygazefallingonaconsolebytheentranceofthekitchen.“Ha,”Isaid,limpingmywayoverthere.Isnatchedit,hoppedbacktothecoach,andshoveditintohischest.“We’vegotworktodo.Ican’tsithereand…vacation.Thisisnotaweekendgetaway.”
Cameronheldthebindertohischestandthen,insomemaneuverIdidn’thavetimetoanticipateorunderstand,hishandwaswrappingaroundmywristandwewereploppingdownonthecouch.
“Allright,”hesaid.Calmly.Hishipagainstmineandthebinderbalancedonhisknee.
Igapedathimashesatthere,preoccupiedwiththeonethinghe’ddespisedsomuchinthepast.Hethrewitopenandstartedtobrowsethroughit,asifhewassearchingforsomething.Hewasdoingallofthatonehandedwhile…Histhumbslippedunderthesleeveofmyrobe,makingmenoticehispalmwaswrappedaroundthewristhe’dpulledat.Still.
Iclearedmythroat.“There’rethreegamesahead:Fairhill,YellowSprings,andNewMount.There’s…”Histhumbmoved,swipingleftandright.“Thegirlsneedthepoints.Sofarthey’velostandtied.Theyneedtowinthenextthreegames.Iftheydon’t…”Cameronshifted,leaningbackanddraggingmewithhimsomehow.“Iftheydon’t,theywon’tevenplayforthirdorfourthplace.Ihave—”Istoppedmyself.BeforeSaturdayI’dbeeninconversationwithafewlocalmediaoutletsbuthadn’tclosedonanything.Andnow…Iwasn’tsureIwantedtobringanypresshere.“IhaveasuccessstorytoselltoMiami.TheGreenWarriorsneedtowintheSixHills.”
Cameron’stonguepeekedoutandwettedhislips.“Okay,”hesaid,settingthebinderinthesmallspacebetweenus.Hereleasedmywristandplantedhishandonmythigh.“Pickakid.”Hisfingerssplayed.“Orateamwe’reupagainst.”
Myeyeswidenedwithhorror,orheat,Iwasn’tsure,whenthatsimpletouchzappedupmylegs.“Okay?”Isnatchedthebinderandbusiedmyselfwithit.“Nocommentaboutthebinderofhell?NopeekattheverydetailedsectionIhaveonyou?”Istared,gawkedreally,atCameron,ashisexpressionturnedpensive,but…relaxed.“Whyareyounotcomplainingandlookingexasperated?WhyareyounotstormingoutofherebecauseI’mdifficult?”
“You’renotdifficult,”hesaidslowly,andwhenhisthumblatchedontomyknee,heletoutastrangesound.“Youcanbe,though.Whenyouwantto.Icouldn’tfigureoutwhy.ButI’mstartingtounderstand.Eitherway,I’mdonedoinganyofthat.”
“You’re…done?”Iasked,myvoicebarelythere.AlthoughwhatwaswreakinghavocinmyheadwastheI’mstartingtounderstand.“Whatabouttheactivitybrochure?We’restillsignedupforeverysinglethinginthere.HaveyouforgottenthatIdraggedyoudownalongwithme?BecauseIhaven’t.”Iswallowed,hard.HearinghowlittlesenseIwasmaking.How…scaredIwasbeginningtofeel.“I’dreallylikeforyoutorememberthat.”
“Ido.”
Hedoes.Hedoeswhat?Andwhyishestillsocalm?“So?Areyoudonewiththat,too?Becauseasprainedankleisnotgoingtostopme.It’snotawarinjuryasmuchyou’retreatingitlikeone.”
Cameronreleasedmyknee,andjustasIthoughthewasgoingtostanduporcallmeoutontheattitudehedidn’tdeserve,hesethispalmonthesideofmyhead.
“Youwanttoplay,love?”Hisvoicehadadarkedgetoit.Hisfingersflexed.“Youwantamanthatwon’trunawayscared?Amanthat’llleavehisbloodyskininthegame?”Myhearttripped.“I’llbeyourman,then.”CHAPTERTWENTY-FIVE
Adalyn
Cameron’swordshauntedmeforafullweek.
Youwanttoplay,love?I’llbeyourman,then.
ThatwaswhatIgotforgetting…entangledwithahigh-performanceathlete.Notentangledasinmeandhimbutentangledasinmeandhimworkingtogether.Andstayingunderthesameroof.Andeatingtogetherand…
Whatever.Itdidn’tmatter.
Whatwasimportantherewasthatasoftoday,Iwascontinuingbusinessasusual.OneweekofhousearresthadbeenmorethanIcouldafford.I’dalreadymissedthreepracticesandagame—thefirsttheGreenWarriorshadwon.
ThatwaswhyIwashere,walking—orlightlylimping—ontothefieldwithaheavyboxinmyarms.Anditwasfine.Perfect,really.
Asifsomekindofbellhadgoneoffinhishead,Cameronturnedaround.Swiftly.Butslowly.Asifhewassomegrufflyhandsomemodelinanadcampaignforsomethinglike…shaversformen.Becausehadhetrimmedhisbeard?Andwhen?I’dseenhimthismorningandallthatfacialhairhadbeeninitsusualdisarray.
Heshotmeanangrylookacrossthegrass.
Ahwell.Backtobusinessitwas.
AtleastIknewwhatthescowlingwasfor.Camerondidn’tknowIwascomingtopracticetoday.Technically,becauseIshould—probably—beresting.ThatwaswhyI’dcalledJosie,whohadcalledGabriel,whohadaskedhishusband,Isaac,topickmeupfromLazyElkanddrivemetotown.ItwassomecomplicatedchainoffavorsIdidn’tunderstand,butlikeIsaachadsaidthemomentI’dcomplainedandprofuselyapologizedforbeinganinconvenience,Thisishowthingsworkinasmalltown,honey.He’dalsotoldmetoshushitbeforegoingintoarambleabouthowhe’dbeenspendingalotoftimeinCharlotteforwork—becauseofhisuseless,turdyboss—andcomplimentedmeformylook.AlthoughhiswordshadbeenIcan’tbelieveyou’remakingitwork,whileglancingfrommydressshirttothehikingbootsonmyfeet.IlikedIsaac,andIgottheimpressionhe’dlikedme,too.
Unlikesomeonecurrentlyinthemiddleofapracticefield,surroundedbynine-year-oldsandtheoneseven-year-oldinatutu,andsportinganewlytrimmedbeardthatmadehimallthemorehandsome.
CameronmutteredsomethingtoTony,theGreenWarriors’newassistantcoach,andstalkedinmydirection.
Mystomachdropped.Anditwasn’twithdread.Itwaswithsomethingfuzzyandbubblythatmademefeellightdespitethefacthewaslookingatmewithmurderinhiseyes.
“How’sthenewhire?”Iaskedwhenhecametoastopinfrontme.
Cameronsnaggedtheboxoutofmygripwithonequick,outragedmotion.“Adalyn,”hebarked,soundingallangryand…soft.Ugh.Ihatedwhenhedidthat.“Thisweighsaton.”
Iforcedmyselftorollmyeyes,thebubblyriotinmystomachgettingworsebythesecond.“Iknow,”Iadmitted.“Andbeforeyouask,yes,I’mhere.Andyes,I’mfineandreadytowork.Andno,myankledoesn’thurt.Andyes,thebootsyouinsistonmewearingallthetimeareactually,shockinglycomfortableforsomethingsougly.Andno,I’mnotgoingtositthisoneoutorlivelikearecluseanylongeraftermissingsomuchtimewiththeteam.Andbytheway?Imightreturntomycabintoday.”
Cameronstaredbackatmeforalongmoment,thenhesaidallconfidentandsmug,“Noyouwon’t.”
Inarrowedmyeyes.“Whatdidyoudo?”
Cameronshrugged.
“Whatdidyoudotothecottage,Cameron?”
“There’swaterdamageinthebathroom.”
Igavehimablandlook.“Didyougointherewithabucketjusttomakesureofit?”Cameronsmiledandyes,myhearttoppledtomystomachatthesight.Isighed.ThetruthwasthatIwascomfortableinCameron’scabin.Withhim.Ididn’twanttoleave,either.“Doyoualwaysgetawaywithwhatyouwant?”
Hetookastepforward,gettingsocloseIhadtotipmyheadbacktomeethisgaze.“Hopefully.”
Mythoughtsscattered.Ihadquestions.IknewIhadthem.Importantonesaboutthecottage.Buthistonguepeekedoutandlickedhisbottomlip,draggingmyattentionthere.“Youtrimmedyourbeard.”Hismouthtwitchedandmyhandreachedout.Unconsciously.Thoughtlessly.Istoppedmyself.“Itlooksgood.”
Thefingersofhisfreehandwrappedaroundmywrist.“Youcantouchme.”Hebroughtmyhandclosertohisface,andmybreathcaughtinmythroat.ButIclosedtherestofthedistanceonmyown,andwhenmypalmreachedhisjaw,Icuppedhisface.Myfingersgrazedthesurprisinglysoftbeard.Theskinonhischeekandneck,too.
Cameron’seyesflutteredshut.
Imovedmyhand,myfingersbrushingthesideofhisfacewithmynails.
“Thatfeelssogood,”hehummed.
Itdidformetoo.I—
Awhistlewasblownclosebehind.
Idroppedmyhand.“Theuniformshavearrived.”Greeneyesreappeared.TheywereasdazedasIfelt.“Finally,”Icroaked.“That’swhat,hmm,isinthebox.Ishouldstoppettingyourbeardand…checkthem.”
Cameronhuffedoutalaugh.“Feckinghell,darling.”Heshookhishead.“Youthoughtyouwerepettingme?”Anotherchuckle.“Waytoshootamandown.”
Mycheekswarmed.ButIrefusedtoletthismansidetrackmeagain.“Didyoujustsay‘feckinghell’?”
“Idon’tcursearoundthegirlsanymore.Managersaiditwasunprofessional.”
Oh.“That’s,um.”Alltheairseemedtoescapeoutofmylungs.“Thatissweet.Thanksforgoingtheextramile,Coach.”
Somethingflashedbehindhiseyes.ThenCameronshookhishead,asifin…disbelief.“AhChrist.”Anotheroneofthoselaughstoppledout.“Ithinkyou’vebrokenme,love.”
Ifrowned.Ialsoblushedevenfurtheratthatlove
Luckily,beforeIcouldsayordosomethingstrangelike,let’ssay,droptothegrassinatangleofemotionsIdidn’tunderstand,Iwasbeingtackledfromtheside.
“Carefulthere,”Cameronsaidinagentlebutfirmvoice,oneofhishandsfallingonmyshoulder.Hestabilizedme,andhisfingersbrushedthebackofmyneck.Tinglesspreaddownmyarm.
IlookeddowntofindMaríahuggingme.
“I’mjustsohappyyou’reokay,”shemumbledagainstmyside.Sheglancedup,aseriousexpressiononherface.Mychesttightenedatthesight.“Didyougetourcard?DidyouseethatBrandyandTillyalsosigned?Ipaintedtheirpawsandmadethemsignwiththem.”
Sotheweirdsmudgesofinkhadbeenthegoats.
“Yes,”Iadmittedweakly.“Ilovedit.I…”Iwasn’tgoingtogetemotional.Ireallywasn’t.“Itwasbeautiful.Thankyousomuch.”
“We’rejustgladyou’reokay,”Junipersaidfromthegroup,obtainingawaveofnodsfromtherestofthegirls.
“I’malsoglad,ma’am—Adalyn,”TonysaidfromCameron’sside.Thenadded,“Itoldthemtheycouldtakeafive-minutebreak,Coach.”
CamerononlyliftedhiseyesoffmetogiveTonyanod.
Maríareleasedme,takingmyhandbeforesteppingaway.“Sowhat’sinthebox?Isitgifts?”Shefrowned.“Youshouldhavetoldusyouwerecomingtoday.Wecouldhavethrownyouawelcomeparty.”
“That’sreallyokay,”Iassuredher,withasqueezeofherhand.Thekid’ssmileturnedwider.“Andyes,I’vecomebearinggifts.It’sasurprise.Foreveryoneintheteam.Ijusthopeyoulikethem.”
“Ilooovesurprises,”Maríaconfessed.Followedbyalongohhhhhfromtherestofthegirls.ShetookastepforwardandpokedattheboxinCameron’sarms.“Doyoulovesurprises,too,MissAdalyn?”
“Sure,”Isaid,feelingtheweightofCameron’sgazeonthesideofmyhead.
“That’sperfect,”Maríaanswered.“Thatwaywecanexchangesurprisestoday.It’llbelike…Christmas.Butinfall.Oh,bytheway,areyoucomingtothefallfest?Willyourfootbeokay?Wecangoapplepicking,orpumpkinbowling,orevensignupforthehauntedcornmazerace.”Maríawasbeaming,vibratingwithsomuchexcitementthatitwasimpossibleformetodoanythingbutnod.“Awesome!”Shereturnedherattentiontothebox.“Let’sexchangesurprisesnowthen.”
“María,”Cameronwarned.“Whatdidwetalkaboutearliertoday?”
ButMaríahadneverbeenintimidatedbythisstoicandsecretlygentleman,soshewentaheadandsaid,“Iknowyousaiditwasn’tready,butIthinkMissAdalyndeserveshersurprisenow.She’sbeeninpain,andsurprisesalwayscheermeupwhenI’msickorsad.Plus,shebroughtgiftsfortheteam,andwedon’thaveawelcomepartyforherlikeyoupromisedwewouldwhenshereturned.”Thenine-year-oldshotCameronahardlook.“You’rebeingagrumpygrumpagain,CoachCam.”
Cameronsighed.
Igapedatthekid.“Hey,youcalledhimCoachCam.”Maríarolledhereyes.“Althoughyoualsocalledhimagrumpygrump,”Iteased,lookingatCameron.Herolledhiseyes.“WhichI’mnotagainst.”
“Yeah,becauseCoachwasbeingatotalgrumpatpracticealloflastweek,evenonSaturday,whenwewon.Andheworkedsohardatthesurprise,too.EvenwhenDadtoldhimaboutahundredtimesthathedidn’tneedtohelp.”Sheshookherhead,andIshookmineinconfusion,too.“Maybeit’sthecurmudgeonsonhisb—”
“María,”Tonyblurtedout.“Notthatagain,Jesus.JusttellMissAdalynabouttheshedalready.”
Camerongrunted.
Ifrowned.“Theshed?”
“Fiiiiiine,”Maríastretchedouttheword.“CoachCamhadmydadandbrotherredotheshedintoanoffice.Foryou.It’stinybutCoachhelpedandhewasveryproudbeforeyougothere.Itwilllooksupercute,Ipromise.”CHAPTERTWENTY-SIX
Adalyn
TheGreenWarriorswonasecondtime.
Cameronsaiditwasbecauseofthenewuniforms.Thegirlshadabsolutelylovedthem,because,asMaríahadpointedout,theyslayed.Theyreallydidslay.Theshirtswerecharcoalblackandmintgreen,witheveryplayer’snameandnumberprintedinpastelpinkontheback,andtheMiamiFlameslogoonthefront.I’dorderedshortsandsocksingreenandblack,sothegirlscouldpick.AndI’dgoneasfarasgettingaskortthatresembledatutuforChelsea.Ithadn’tbeeneasytofindbutshe’dbeensoexcitedandshockedthatIthoughtshe’dstoppedbreathingforasecond.EvenDianehadbeentouched.ButIwasn’tresponsibleforthewin.Thegirlswere.They’dplayedagoodgame.Andthatwasn’tonme.
ItwasallbecauseofCameron.
Cameron,whoatyesterday’sgamehadwornthematchingtracksuitI’dorderedforhim.AndCameron,whoIwascurrentlyavoiding.
He’dbuiltmeanoffice.SoIwouldn’tneedtositonthebleachers.He’dpaidforitoutofhisownpocket,andworkedonitwithRobbie,insecret.SowhileIwasonhiscouch,ploppedtherelikesomekindof…woundeddamsel,he’dbeensweatingbuildingshelves.Maríahadspatoutallthedetails.
So,forthelastfewdays,eversincetheofficereveal,I’dbeenalittleangry.Atmyself,nothim,becausethathadbeenthenicest,mostthoughtfulthinganyonehaddoneforme.Ever.ThereasonIwasavoidingCameronwasbecauseIcouldn’t,forthelifeofme,thinkclearlywhenhecameclose.ImeltedawayandallIcouldthinkofwasthatoffice.Thesconeshe’dbroughtmethismorning.Thewayhishandfellonmythigh.Thebeardhewassokeenonkeepingneatandtrimmed.Theurgetotouchit,andhim,again.
Ugh.
Withasigh,Iscannedthestandsbeforeme,hoping—needing—todistractmyselfwiththefallfest.Therewasanemptystage—whichIhopeddidn’timplyanotherboogienight—afewfoodstands,acraftsandartsbooth…Josie’sJoint.
IwalkeduptoJosie’scoffeestandandblinkedatthecolorfuldisplayinfrontofme.Therewerepumpkinsatthefootofthebooth,redappleshangingfromstrings,tinybalesofhaydecoratingthebottomandtheroof.Therewasevenwhatlookedlikea…scarecrow.Female,judgingbythebraids,thicklashes,rosycheeks,andthesignhangingfromherneck:CARVETHEPATRIARCHY,ONEPUMPKINATATIME.
Withoutwarning,Josie’sheadpoppedupfromunderneaththekiosk,startlingme.
“Oops,”shesaidwiththatcharacteristicallybigsmile.“Sorry,Ididn’tmeanto…scarecrowyou.”Awinkwasthrownmyway.“Howdoyoulikemybooth?I’vedecidedtoleanmoreintomyfeministstrikethisyear.Youknow,withmywho-needs-menpolicyandall.”
“Menreallyarethelastthingweneedsometimes,”Iagreed.“AndIlovethebooth.Thetownlooksincrediblyfestive,butthisisdefinitelymyfavoritespot.”
Shelaughed,anditwasbrightandlightheartedanditmademewonderifIeversoundedthatcarefree.“Asyoucansee,”shesaid,spreadingherarms,“noonedoesafallfestivallikeus.It’swherethemountainsmeetsoutherncharm.”Herhandsdropped.“Anyway,whatcanIgetyou?”
“Whatdoyourecommend?”
Hersmilewidened,thoselightblueeyestwinkling.Shepulledoutaboardwiththedrinkspecialsandsetitinfrontofme.“Josie’sPumpkinKickismypersonalfavorite.Butifyou’reinthemoodforsomethingrealstrong,thenIsuggestyougofortheCampfireFizz.Andlastbutmostcertainlynotleast,theCocoaAppleHeartifyou’renotinthemoodforcaffeine.”
Istaredattheboardandthewomanbyitsside,suddenly…happytobehere.InGreenOak.“I’llhavetheCocoaAppleHeart,itsoundsamazing.”
“Whoa,”shesaid,herexpressionchanging.“You’resmilingreallybigrightnow,andforsomereasonIfeellikeIshouldgiveyouahug.Doyouwantone?”
“Okay,”Iheardmyselfwhisper.NextthingIknew,Josie’sbodywasstickingoutoftheboothandsqueezingme.Isqueezedback.“I’msorry,”Isaidwhenshereleasedme.“Iwasfeelingverygrouchytoday.Andtheideaofoneofyourdrinkscheeredmeup.Eventhescarecrowdid,andIneverlikedthemthatmuch.”
Josiechuckled.“Youknowwhat?”Hereyestrailedbehindmeforamoment,andthenshesaid,“IthinkI’mgoingtoprepareacomplimentaryCampfireFizz.Theremightbesomeoneyouwanttogiftitto?”Thatgaveawaywhatshewaslookingatinthedistance.Who.“Inthemeantime,youcantellmewhathedidforyoutobegrouchy.”
Iopenedmymouthtoshoottheconversationdown,but—“Hebuiltmeanoffice.Outoftheshedbythepracticefield.Hehelpedwith,like,hishandsandtoolsorwhatever.”
Josienoddedslowly.“Andthatis…”Shetrailedoff,pullingoutaboxfilledwithsyrupbottlesfromunderneaththebar.
“Good,”Ianswered.“It’sthoughtful.Andsweet.”Hersmilewidened.“Andit’salsoreallybad,”Iadded,towhichshefrowned.“Idon’tknow.Ican’tdecide.I’mnotusedtothesethings.”
“Tothingslike…someonegoingoutoftheirwayforyou?Slowlyearningyourtrust?Takingcareofyou?Flirting?Wantingtobangthecrapoutofy—”
“Josie,”Iwhispered.
Shesmirked.“JustsayingitlikeIseeit.”
WasCamerondoingallthosethings?Ithoughthewas,butthenagain,whatdidIevenknow?
“Hereallydidanumberonyou,huh?”Josiesaidwithalongexhale.“Cameronisnotwhoeverhurtyousobadly.He’snotabadguy.He’squitetheopposite,infact.”Josieshookherhead.“Theman’slikeanut.Toughtocrack,butasoftieatheart.Justlikeyou.Maybeyoushouldgivehimachance.”Sheliftedhereyesfromherwork,meetingmine.“Youshouldgiveyourselfachance.”
Givemyselfachance.
Iswallowed,tryingtopushdownthesuddenknotofemotioncloggingmythroat.Iavertedmyeyes,feelingoverwhelmedbyJosie’swords.
Maríamaterializedinthedistance.Shewaswithsomeofthegirlsfromtheteam,allofthemcarryingcaramelapplesonlongsticks.Shespottedmeandwavedatmeveryenthusiastically.
Iwavedback.
“Thatkidadoresyou,youknow?”Josiesaid,recapturingmyattention.
WhenIlookedbackather,shewasopeningacartonofmilk.“Thefeelingismutual.”
Josiesmiled.“That’sgoodtohear.”Shegrabbedoneofthosesmallmetallicpitchersoffashelf.“Ithinkshechangedoneofthebabygoats’namestoAdalina.”
Ihuffedoutalaugh.“Iguessitcouldhavebeenworse.”
“NoteveryoneintowngetstheprivilegeofhavingoneoftheVasquezes’animalsnamedafterthem.”Shechuckledbutsoberedupquickly.“Jokesaside,Ithinkshelooksuptoyou.Youmustremindherofhermom.”
Ididn’tunderstandhowsuchawarmandhappychildcouldfindanythingremotelymotherlyaboutme,butIdidcareforthekid.IcaredaboutMaría.Andhearingthatmademefeelimmenselyhonored.“Howlongagodidshepass?”
“WhenMaríawasaboutsix,”Josieexplainedwithasadtilttoherlips.“TheVasquezesgotherewhenTonywaslittle,boughtadyingfarmhouseandbroughtherbacktolife.They’vedonemoreforthecommunityinafewyearsthanmosthaveingenerations.AndRobbiestillofferstohosteverysingleactivityorpartyintown.Mostofthemwithoutanycompensationinreturn.Thelandmarkwherewearerightnow,forexample,belongstothefarm.”
“ItmustbealotofworkforRobbie.Takingcareofhisfamilyandthefarmandeverythingelseonhisowncan’tbeeasy.”
“It’snoteasy,that’sforsure,”Josieagreed,finishinguponeofthedrinkswithwhippedcream.“ThefarmstruggledfinanciallyforafairamountoftimeafterlosingMaría’smom.”Sheloweredhervoice.“AndRobbiedoesn’tliketotalkaboutit,buthewas—andmaybestillis—inalotofdebt.”Shesighed.“Luckilyforallofusthere’ssomekindofguardianangellookingoverGreenOak.Iliketothinkofherasamodernfairygodmother.Andyes,it’sashe,andshehasOprah’sface.”Shegrabbedamarkerandbegantowriteonacup.“Nobodyknowswhoitis,butwhenalocalbusinessstruggles…”Shewavedthepenasifitwasawand.“Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo!”
Ichuckled,caughtoffguardbythetheatrics.“So,like,anangelinvestor?”
“Yes,”sheagreed.“Butwechoosetobelieveinthemagicandnotthefancynames.”Ashrug.“Anyways.TheVasquezes’farmismarchingatfullsteamnow.WejustneedanewhappilyeverafterforRobbie.ButI’mworkingonit.I’manexcellentmatchmaker.”
Ilookedovermyshoulder,findingMaríainthecrowdasshetalkedaboutsomethingthatrequiredbothherhands.
“She’llbefine,”Josiesaid.“BothsheandTony.Iwasalsoraisedbyasingleparent,andlookathowwellIturnedout.”
“Youwere?”Iasked.
“Yes,ma’am.Neverevenmetmydad.”Sheplacedasecondcupinfrontofme.“Ijustknowhechosenottobeinvolved,andthemoneyhesenteverymonthwasputintoasavingsaccountundermynamebymymom.”
Adozenquestionsrosetothetipofmytongue,butJosiesidetrackedmewithalaugh.
Ifrowned.“What?”
Shepushedthetwoveryelaborateandcolorfuldrinksinmydirection.“Girl,youbettermoveandgorescuethatveryantsy-lookingmanbeforehemurderssomeone.Namely,thepresidentofthePTA.”
Iglancedback,findingaverytight-facedCamerontalkingtoDiane.Orrather,beingtalkedatbyDiane,ifthesupersonicspeedatwhichhermouthwasmovingwasanythingtogoby.Cameron’sfacescrunchedup.Iknewthatlook.
“OhGod,”Imumbled,swivelingbacktoJosie.“Ibettergo.HowmuchdoIoweyou?”
“Youcanpayforthesetomorrow,Ihaveaseriousfavortoask,”Josiesaid,stilllookingbehindme.Herbrowsroseonherforehead.“Oh.Oh.Ithink…DianemightbehittingonCameron?”
Isnatchedthedrinksupandturnedaround,walkingawayasfastasIcould,andignoringthelaughterrollingoutfromJosie’sbooth.Iknewwhyshelaughed.ShethoughtIwasjealous.Iwasn’t.CameronandIwere…ateam,ofsorts,Iguessed.Wewerepartners.Coworkers.Iowedhim.Yes,thatwaswhatwasmakingmespeedup.NotDiane’sflirtingwithhim.
IttookCameron’seyesafewsecondstofindmeintheshortdistance.Hewidenedthem.Hurryup,heseemedtosilentlybeg.
Dianeseemedtotallyoblivioustohisvisiblediscomfort.AndasInearedthem,allthaturgencyfadedandgavewayto…amusement.
Irolledmyeyesathim.Growup,Isenthimthroughtheinvisiblelinewewerecommunicatingthrough.
Understandingcrossedhisface.Thenacornerofhislipstiltedup,Makeme.
Smug,competitiveman,Ithought.Andheseemedtocatchthat,too,becausehesmiledatme.AndIblushed.
WhenIreachedthem,Iwassodistracted,IcouldhardlytakeinDiane’swords.Somethingaboutherdivorceorahosethatneededcheckingatherhouse.
“There’sanemergency,”Iannounced.Diane’svoicecameastop.“AndIneedCameron.”Cameron’ssmilewidened.“Mosturgently.”Mosturgently?God,Adalyn.
Cameronclearedhisthroat,butIknewitwastocoverasnort.
Dianelaughedawkwardly.“Can’tyougrabsomeoneelse?IwasabouttoexplaintoCamhowimportantitisforChelseatokeepabalancebetweenherballetlessonsandsoccerpractices.”
Ifrowned.Wasshe?Isworeshe’dsaidsomethingaboutahoseandherex-husband.Cameron’seyes,stillonme,widenedinwarning.“I’mafraidtheemergencycan’twait.”Ischooledmyfaceintoasternexpression.“There’sbeenanaccident.Bythecheesestand.”Diane’sexpressionturnedskeptical.“TheyneedCameron.Specifically.Becauseofhisknowledgeof…softcheeses.Particularly.”
“Softcheeses?”Dianeblinked.
“Mozzarella,”Isaid.“And…Brie.Ricotta,alsomaybefeta.Youknow,cheesesthataresoftand/orcrumblewhen—”
“Ithinkwebettergo,”Cameronintervened.“Tocheckonthe,hmm,softcheeseemergencyinperson.Itsoundsimportant.”Inoddedmyhead.“AndIwouldhateforthecheesesthatcrumble,inparticular,tocrumbletoohard.”
“But—”Dianastarted.
ButCameron’sarmwassnakingaroundmyshoulders,hispaw-likehandfallingonmyside,andturningusaroundandaway.Heloweredhisvoice,hisheadcomingdown,soclosetomyearthatIfeltthewordsfallonmyskin.“Christ,darling.”Hemovedusalong,awayfromDiane.“Softcheeses?Youcouldn’tthinkofanythingbetter?”
“Thatwomanmakesmenervous.”IshovedJosie’stake-outcupintohishands.“ACampfireFizz,foryou.”
Hehummeddeepinhisthroat,andIcouldn’thelpbutnoticehowwewerewalkingwithhisarmaroundmyshoulders.
Ididn’tcomplain.“It’soneofJosie’sseasonaldrinks.IgotaCocoaAppleHeartformyself.”Iliftedthewhippedcream-toppedcupandtookalongswig.“Whoa.”
“Good?”heasked.
“It’sactuallygreat,”Ianswered,theswirlofflavorsbringingmeunexpectedcomfort.IeyedCameron’sdrinkandthoughtofJosie’swords.“Tryyours.Itbetterbegoodbecauseitcostmeaseriousfavor,whateverthatmeant.”Ipaused.“It’salittletokenofappreciation.Athank-you.Fortheoffice.Andforeverythingelse,really.”Iliftedmyhead,glancingathisprofile.Thecornerofhislipswastwitching.No.Icouldn’tsurviveanothergrin.Notatthespeedwewerewalking.Ireturnedmyeyestotheunpavedwayaheadofus.“Don’tlooksosmug.Youneededsavinglikeaminuteago.”Ifeltmyselffrown.“Wasshe…reallyflirtingwithyou?”
Cameronpickedupthepace,hisarmnowsecuredaroundme,andhishandrestingonmywaist.“Areyoujealous?”
Ididn’trespond.
Icouldfeel—sense,thankstomyCameronCaldanisixthsense,whichhadnowdeveloped—thathewassmiling.Big.Knowingly.
IwasabouttocallhimoutonitwhenDianecalledfrombehindus,“Hello?Thecheesestandisrightthere!You’vewalkedpastit!”
“OhGod,”Imuttered,stealingaglanceback.“She’schasingafterus.”
“YourankleokayorshouldIthrowyouovermyshoulder?”
“Huh?”
“Fuckit,”hesaid.AndinaquickmaneuverIcouldhaveneveranticipated,Iwasupinhisarms.Drinksintact.
“Cameron—”Istarted,grabbingontohisjacketwithonehandandholdingmydrinkwiththeother.IspottedDianeoverhisshoulder.Herindexfingerwasupintheair,herpaceincreasing.“Okay,Ithinkit’stimetorun.”
Camerontookoffthen,laughterrollingstraightoutofhim,darkandrichandbeautiful.Makinghischestvibrateagainstmybodywiththesound.Hemadeasuddenturntotheleft,andhonesttoGod,agigglecameoutofme.Themanwhowasnowsprintingthroughthespacebetweentwostandsraspedoutsomethingbetweenachuckleandacurseinresponse,andfinallyroundedabigtruckthatwasparkedafewyardsaway.
Hecametoastopbehindit,nexttothetruck’sbed,whichwasfilledwithhayandprovidedagoodcover.Hepeekedhisheadout,probablycheckingtoseeifwewerestillbeingchased.
Whenhefacedme,mychestwasheavingwithmybreath.Myheartpoundedwithadrenalinethathadlittletodowiththesprintandeverythingtodowiththemanwhostillhadmeinhisarms.
Timeseemedtoslow,thicken,asheloweredmetomyfeet,awaveofverydifferentemotionscrashingintomewhenmybootstouchedtheground.
“Hey,”Cameronsaid,hisvoicedeepandaschargedasIfelt.“What’swrong?”
“Nothing.”IthoughtIwhispered.Ilookedintohiseyes.Almostasgreenasthecanopyoftreesathisback.“I…Iwasalittlejealous.”Mywordsfellinthesmallspacebetweenourbodies.Sosmallitcouldbebreachedinasinglebreath.“IwasjealousofDiane.Ididn’tlikethatshewasflirtingwithyou.ButnowIfeelbadforrunninglikethat.Now—”
Hisfreehandcametomyjaw,hispalmwarmandfingersstretchingtocupmyface.“Iknow,”hesaid,chindippeddown.HisjawwasclenchedwithanemotionIcouldn’tread.“We’llapologizelater,ifitmakesyoufeelbetter.”Amusclejumpedthere.“I’lltellherI’mnotinterested.ThatIaskedyoutocomeupwithsomethingstupidtoavoidanawkwardconversation.”
Mythroatdriedathiswords,thecloseness,theawarenessrushingupanddownmybodyatthefeelofhistouch.“Myexcusewasn’tthatstupid.”
Cameron’smouthtwitched,buthedidn’tsmile.Instead,hislipspartedandheexpelledasoftgulpofair.Thegreeninhiseyesdarkenedandhemovedcloser,steppingintomeuntilmybackfellagainstthesideofthetruck.
Myhearthalted,andIwasprettysureasoundmighthaveescapedatthesensation.Thewayhischest,hips,thighs,werenowagainstmine.Thewayeverypointwhereourbodiestouchedtingledandburned.Everynerveendingturnedintoalivewire.Iwasablaze.
Cameronhummed,thatlargehandthathadbeenlatchedontomyfaceandneckclimbingdownmyneck,shoulder,side,untilreachingmywaist.Hesqueezed.“It’sbeendrivingmesomad.”
“What?”Iwhispered.
“Wonderingifthiswassomethingyouwanted,”heansweredwithafrown.Iopenedmymouth,asiftotellhimofcourse,howcouldInotwantthis,you,it’swantingitthatmakesmescared,buthishandmoved.Heclutchedthefabricofmyjacket.“Thattinywhimperyou’vejustmade,”Cameronsaid,voicerocky.“Youmadeitthatfirstnight.WhenIputyoutobed.”
Iclosedmyeyes.“Idid?”
Ifelthimreleasemyjacket.Then,hishandwasatmyback.Hisfingerssplayed,climbingtomyshoulderblades,reachingthenapeofmyneck.“Youpulledmetobed,too,doyouknowthat?”
IthoughtImanagedashakeofmyhead.Icouldn’tknow.Iwastoodistracted,overpowered,bythesensationofhisfingersgrazingthebottomofmyscalp,tanglinginmyhair,pullingmetohim,mybodyintohis.
“Youletoutthatexactsoundandpulledmebytheshirt,”heraspedout,thewordsrightagainstmycheek.“AndIhadtosettlewithstrokingyourhairuntilyouwereasleep.”
Myfreehandshotuponitsownandlatchedontohisforearm.Ididn’thavewords,Icouldn’teventhink.SoIletmyselfbe.Igavemyselfachance.JustlikeJosiehadsaid.
Ipulledathissleeve,hard,likeIimaginedI’ddonethatnight.Cameron’sbodycameoverme.Eyesstillclosed,Ifelthim,hisweight,hiswarmth,theinsideofhisthighscomingoverthesidesofmine.Iheardsomethingdroptotheground.Andthen,bothhishandsonmyface.
“Adalyn,”Iheard,thewordfallingrightonmylips.“Openyoureyes,love.”
IopenedthemandforthefirsttimeIletmyselfreallylookathim.Hewassodevastatinglyhandsome,sofierce,soabsolutelydeterminedthatIfeltshortofbreath.
“Ilikeyoureyesonme,”hesaid,histhumbtrailingalongmyjaw,gently,softly,leavingatrailoftinglesbehind.Hegrazedthecornerofmylips,andIwatchedhistonguecomeoutandwethis.“Whatdoyouwantfromme?”
Itightenedthegriponhisarm.“Achance.”
Cameron’snostrilsflared,butheseemedtohesitate.
“Youmakemefeel,”Iheardmyselfwhisper.AndIdidn’tknowifsomethingcoherentcouldcomeoutofme,butGod,Iwantedtotry.“YoumakemefeellikeI’veneverfeltwithanyonebefore,Cameron.YoumakemewantthingsIneverwanted.”
AgroanleftCameron’smouth.Hisgraspofmyfaceturneddesperate,softer,ifthatcouldeverhappenatthesametime.Hipspressedagainstmine,andtwinsighsescapedourlips.Hefeltso…big,hard,alloverme.Andhelookedinpain.Hiseyesdippedtomymouth,frantically,histhumbtravelingtomybottomlip.
God,Iwantedtofeelhim.Againstmylips.Iturnedmyhead.Kissedthepadofhisthumb.
“Fuck,”hegrunted,somethingbehindhiseyeslightingup,breakingout,somethingpowerfulanddark.
Ileanedforward,mypatiencedone.Camerondidthesame.
Thesoundofanenginecomingtolifeslicedrightthroughthemoment.
Weblinkedateachotherforaninstant,chestsheavingwithheavybreaths,makingsenseofoursurroundings.
“It’sthetruck,”hefinallywhispered,hisforeheadfallingagainstmyshoulder.Hegroanedacurse.
Oh.Right.I’dforgottenallaboutthat.
Cameronliftedhisheadandpulledmeawayfromthesideofthevehicle.
Thesightofmyhandsinhismademyheartskipabeat.Italsoremindedmeofsomething.“Ithinkwedroppedbothourdrinks,”Isaid,lookingatthegroundandfindingthemthere.IglancedbackatCameron.Iflushed.“I…You’resmilingreallybig.”Somethingtookflightinmychest,andImademyselfask.“Why?”
“Becauseyou’vejustgivenmeareason.”
“Areasonforwhat?”
“ToplaythelongestgameIeverhave.”CHAPTERTWENTY-SEVEN
Cameron
ThelasagnahadfiveminutesleftintheovenandAdalynwasn’there.
Iwenttomyphoneandpickeditupoffthecounter.Iopenedmycontactsbut…myfingerhaltedintheair.Icouldalreadyseeherface.HerbrowneyesrollingbackandhermouthformulatingsomesmartremarkabouthowimpatientIwas.Maybeshe’dcallmeanonnaagain,justlikeshehadtheotherdaywhenIshovedmorefoodonherplatewithoutaskingherfirst.
ThecornersofmylipstippedupandwithashakeofmyheadIdroppedthephone.
Ireallywasanimpatientbastard.ButIdidn’tcare.Iwastoooldandtoosetinmywaystochangethat.Ididn’tthinkIcould,either.JustlikeIcouldn’thelptheneedto…takecareofher.Especiallywhenshedidn’therself.Orworseyet,whenshedidn’texpectanybodyelseto.
WillowandPierogidashinginthedirectionofthefrontdoorwastheonlysignIneededtoknowthatAdalynwashome.Home.Warmthspreadinmychest.
Ifacedtheentranceofthekitchen,muchlikemycatshadjustdone,andwaitedsilentlyforhertomaterialize.Atrailofsweetmewingreachedmyears,followedbythesoundofAdalyn’ssoftvoice.Hervoicealwaysdidthatwhenshetalkedtothem,anditfascinatedme.Ilovedhowcloseshewaswiththem,andWillowinparticular.EverytimeIfoundthemcurleduponthecouch,Ihadtostopmyselffrom…jumpinginandbegginghertopetmeinstead.
Iwasfuckingridiculous.
Herformpoppedupattheendofthehall,cheekspinkfromtheincreasinglycoldair.IwatchedherunzipthejacketI’dgottenforher,probablyunawareIwasthere,gawking,allmyattentioncapturedbythosehandsIwantedonme.Thejacketopened,revealingoneofthosesilky,thinbutton-downsshelovedsomuch.Shewaswearingitwithjeansandboots.I’dboughteveryitemofclothingonherexceptforthatshirtandherunderwear.Andapartofmerebelledatthefact.IwantedtopamperAdalyn.BuryherinnicethingsIknewshecouldprobablyaffordherself.Ididn’tcare.
“Hi,”shesaid,finallynoticingme.Hercheeksfilledwithadifferentshadeofpink,andhereyestraileddownmybody.Shedidthatalotlately.Openlycheckedmeout.AndIfuckinglovedit.“Cameron?”
Iswallowed.“Iloveyourhairtoday.”Ireallydid.Itwasdown,wavy,free,notstraightenedortightinsomebun.
Adalyn’slipsbobbed.“I…Oh.Thankyou.”Shefrowned.“You,um,looked…weird.Asifyouwereabouttosneeze.Or…hungry?”Hereyeswidened.“OhGod,I’msuperlate,aren’tI?”Shepulledoutherphoneandcheckedthescreen.“Please,tellmeI’mnottoolateandruineddinner.”
Thegenuineworryinherfacepushedmeonestepforward.Istilledmyself.“You’rejustintime,”Iassuredher,myvoicesoundingalittletooroughstill.“AndIwasn’tabouttosneeze.Orhungry.Thatwasjustmyface.”Aroundyou.Lately.Always.I’dneedtoworkonit.
Herconcerndissolved,givingwaytothatplayfulnessshehadbeenshowingmeglimpsesofthesepastdays.“Youstilllookedhandsome,”shesaidinasmallvoice.“Itsmellsgreat,bytheway.Veryexcitedtoseewhatyou’vecooked.”
Enthralled,Iwatchedherpadallthewaytothekitchenislandandtakeaseat.“Howbadwasit?”
Asighcameoutofherlips.“Bad.IttookJosieandItworoundsofmilkshakestocheereveryoneup.”
MyhandclosedaroundthebottleofredwineI’dgottenonmywayhomefromthegame.I’dalreadysettwoglassesontheisland.“Red?”Iasked,theintimacyofthescenecatchingmebytotalsurprise.Anewkindofwarmthspreadacrossmychest.I…likedthis.Howthisfelt.Iclearedmythroat.“Ialsohaveabottleofwhitechillinginthefridge.”
Herlipspartedwithasoft,“Oh.”Andmygazefastenedonhermouth.“Whatisthisfor?Iwouldhardlycelebratetheoutcomeofthegame,evenifwedidn’tlose.”
“Youalsodeservetobecomforted,darling.Itwasn’tjustthegirlsnotgettingenoughpointstogettothefinal.”
Adalynsighed.“Redisperfect.Thankyou,Coach.”
Ihadtofighttheurgetosmileathercallingmethat.Orgrowl,Iwasn’tsure.“Don’tthankmejustyet,”Imurmured,andservedheraglass.“Sotworoundsofmilkshakes?”
“Yes.ThegirlsweresodevastatedIstartedgettingeverythingJosiehadbehindthecounter.Nothingwasleft,notevenJosie’sraisincookies.”Herhandcamearoundthestemoftheglass.“Imean,weallknewthatifwedidn’twinthisgameagainsttheNewMountEagleswewouldonlybeabletofightforathirdorfourthplace.ButI…”Sheavertedhergaze,herlipsclosingaroundthebrimandtakingalongsip.“Idon’tknow.”
Wehadtalkedaboutthis,longandhard.We’destablishedastrategyandthegirlshadenteredthatfieldtodaywithaliteralbattlecry.Adalynhadgotteneverythingoncamera.Whenwe’donlymanagedanothertie,I’dbeenreadytodealwiththepossibleconsequencesthatwouldhaveonAdalyn.I’dbeenpreparedtoweatherastorm.BecauseI’dknownjusthowbadlyAdalynwanted—needed—thegirlstogettothatfinalthatwasnolongerpossible.Butshe’dbeen…okay.No.She’dbeensoconcernedaboutthegirls’reactionthatshehadn’tevenshowndisappointmentherself.She’dputonastrongface.
It’dbeenimpossiblyhardnottokissherinthatmoment.
Itwasimpossiblenow.“Areyounotalittledevastated?Youdon’tneedtoactstrongaroundme,love.”
Adalynsettheglassbackontheisland.“I’mdisappointed.Therewasalotatstakeforme.”Shefrowned.“Butno,I’mnotdevastated.Somehow.Itwasmewhogottheirhopesup.Iwantedthisforthem.”
Therewasalotatstakeforme
Iknewthatshehadmessedupinsomewayoranotherandwastryingtoredeemherself.ButIwasstartingtobelievethattherewasmorethanjustthat.
“Whatexactlywasatstakeforyou?”Iasked.
Adalynshookherhead.“YouknowwhattheMiamiFlamessentmeherefor,”shesaid.AndIknew.ButIlethertalk.Becausenow,IwascertainIwasmissingsomethingI’doverlooked.Itwasrightthere,inthewayshewouldn’tlookatme.Hershoulderstensed.“Iknowthattheconditionhadneverbeentowinbut…Well,Ijusthopedwewould.Awinisalwaysawin.Andyoucanbettersellawintothepress.Peoplelovewinners,weallknowthat.ButIstillhavealotofmaterialtoworkwith.AndI’mplanningsomethingbigforthatlastgame.Nomatterwhereweendup.Thisisstillasuccessstory.”
Ifrowned.Thecondition?Whywouldshesaythatinsteadofthegoalorthemilestone?Butalso…“Therewasn’tanypressattoday’sgame.Ortheonebefore.”Ispecificallyrememberedhermentioningtalkingtolocaloutlets.“Why?”
Shebroughttheglasstoherlipsagain.ButIcouldtellitwastogiveherselftime.
Istaredather,insilence.WillinghertotellmethereasoneventhoughIknew.Shemusthavedoneitforme.Andthat…mademewanttoscreamforverydifferentreasons.“Adalyn—”
“Enoughaboutme,please.”Shetriedtosmileoverherglass,butIdidn’tbuyit.ItwasthatplasticsmileIdidn’tlike.Theonethatwasn’thers.“Whataboutyou?What’sCameronCaldani’splan?How…longdoyouthinkyou’llbeinGreenOak?”
Iremainedquiet.Partlybecauseofhowshe’dshotmedown,andpartlybecauseofthereminderthatnoneofuswereheretostay.OrmaybeIwas.Ididn’tknow.
Adalynmusthavesensedsomeofmyreluctancetotalkaboutanyofthat,becauseshereachedoutandtouchedmyarm.“Wedon’tneedtotalkaboutit.”Sheloweredhervoice.“CanIaskyousomethingelseinstead?”
Ireachedformyglassandbroughtittomylipsforonelongswig.“Youcanaskmeanything,”Itoldher,returningthewinetothesurfaceoftheisland.Ijustwishshe’dextendthesameoffertome.
“It’saboutyourretirement.”
Istiffened.SomuchthatIhadtofocusonthetouchofherfingersonmyarmtosimmerdownenoughtospeak.“Whataboutit?”
“I…Ireadaboutit,”sheadmitted.“Aboutyou,too.Alot.”Hercheekswerepinkagain,butnotwithembarrassment.Withtheoppositeofthat.Andthefoolinmethought,That’smybravegirl.Butshewasn’tmygirl.Notyet.“Itwassudden.Youhadafewmoreyearsinyou.Goalkeepersusually…”Ashakeofherhead.“Idon’tneedtoexplainthistoyouofallpeople.Butyourretirementcameasasurprise.Iwaswonderingiftherewasareason.”
Ifeltmyselfleanback,andAdalyn’shandfelloffmyarmwiththedistance
Iwalkedtotheovenandtookoutthelasagna.Wordswerestuckinmythroat,butthistimeitwasn’tbecauseofmyreluctancetoshare,itwasbecauseIwasreadyingmyselftosharethiswithher.ItfeltcrucialthatIdid.Butitwasn’teasy.
Momentsago,whenAdalynhaddodgedmyquestion,ithadstung.ButhowcouldIexpecthertocompletelyopenupwhenIwasn’tdoingthatmyself?
Ileanedbackonthecounter,realizingIwassomehowholdingaspatula.
Idroppeditnexttothelasagnaandbracedmyhandsonthemarble.
Iclosedmyeyes,throwingmyselfbacktothatnight.
“Someonebrokein,”Iletoutwithalong,roughbreath.“Intomyhouse.InL.A.”
Iwaited,heardmyownwordshangingintheair,feelingtheusualpressurethatcamealongwiththememory.Thehorriblenight.Iopenedmyeyesandlookedather.Allthebloodhaddrainedfromherface.
“Tothisday,Idon’tevenunderstandhowithappened.”Iletmyarmsdroptomysides.“IthadbeenthenightafterreturningfromagameinAustin.Usually,IleftWillowandPierogiwithaneighbor,someoldladywhoclaimedtobeanoldHollywoodstar.Ineverrecognizedherfromanythingbutshetookgoodcareofthem,soItrustedher.”Ishookmyhead.“I’dbeentemptedtoleavethemwithheranextranightandgostraighttobed.Istillhave—orhad—afewyearsleftinme,youwereright,butawaygameswerestartingtotaketheirtollonme.Thingwas,Imissedthecats,andwasworriedaboutWillowbeingthepainintheassshecanbe,soIjustcollectedthem,wenthome,andcrashed.”
AdalynlookedsodistraughtIhadtolookaway.
“I…”Theimageofwhathappenednextwasasclearasthedayinmyhead.“IthinkIsleptatleastfivehoursbeforehearingWillow’sloudwhining,soI…openedmyeyesandsawhimthere.”
Astrangesoundlefther.
Myeyelidsshut.“ForasecondIthoughtIwasdreaming.Butthentheguymoved,andIknew,someonehadbrokenin.Andwasinmyroom.Bymybed.”Mywholebodystartedtoshake.Itwasn’tasbadasithadbeenatfirst.Buteveryonceinawhile,Istillgottheshakes.“Ididn’tevenknowhowlongtheintruderhadbeeninmyroom.Minutes,hours,thewholeweekendI’dbeenaway?I…”Mywordsdriedout.Myvocalcordswerenotworkinganymore.“Fuck,I—”
Iwastackled.
SohardIstumbledbackintothecounter.Armscamearoundmytorso,meetingatmyback,andIwassqueezed.Hugged.AshardandtightasI’deverbeen.AbrokenlaughleftmeasIthrewmyownarmsaroundAdalyn’sshouldersandbroughtherevenfurtherintomychest.AsmuchasIcould.IwouldhaveburrowedherinsidemeifI’dbeenableto.ThatwashowgooditfelttobehuggedthisfiercelybyAdalynReyes.
“Sothisiswhatittakes,huh,”Isaid,moretomyselfthanher.IletmychinfallontothetopofherheadandallowedmyselftobecomfortedinawayIhadn’tbeensincetheeventsofthatnight.
Timetickedby,andwitheverypassingsecondinourembrace,somethingheavysettledinmystomach.Itshouldhavemadeitbetter,havingthiswomanIwanted,needed,craved,inmyarms.Butitdidn’tdojustthat.Italsosolidifiedoneofmybiggestfearsafterthatnight.
“WhatifI’dhadafamilyinthehouse?Awife?Kids?Whatif…”Whatifyouhadbeeninmybed?“WhatifI’dhadsomeoneotherthanWillowandPierogiinthehouse?”Iwasbarelyabletoswallowthecloginmythroat.“Iwouldn’thavebeenabletodoanything,Adalyn.Notasinglething.Anditwouldallhavebeenbecauseofme.BecauseofsomecareerIchosewhenIwasboy.BecauseofalifeIchasedbecauseofmyownpride.Myfamilywouldn’twantforanything,butwhatkindoflifecouldIprovidethemwith?”Mybreathturnedragged.“Theguy,hewassomecrazedfanwhowastakenawayanddealtwith,butwhatifsomeoneelsecomesalong?”
Herarmssqueezedharderaroundmywaist.“Itwouldhaveneverbeenyourfault.Youaren’tresponsibleforsomebodyelse’sactions.Notevenwhentheyclaimtheydoitoutofloveoradorationorawe.”Hervoicecracked.“You’renotresponsible,Cameron.Youhearme?You’renot.”
Iletmyselftakeadeepbreath,probablythefirstoneinawhile.Ifilledmylungswithherscent,andfuck,itfeltsogood.Soright.
Adalynextricatedherheadfrommychestandlookedup.“YoumustknowthatIwouldhaveneversaidanything,”shesaid,browneyesshiningwithemotion.Guilt.“IsweartoyouCameron,whenIthreatenedtoexposeyoutothewholetownI—”Hervoicebrokeoff.“God,Iamsosorry.I—”
“Iknow,”Itoldher.Anditdawnedonme,justhowcertainIwas.Hadbeen.“Iknownow,okay?”
Hereyeskepttwinklingwithunshedtears,andIsworethatifshecriedrightnowit’dbreakmeinhalf.“Imusthavemadeyoufeelsounsafe.Andyoumusthavereallyhatedme.Whydidn’tyouleave?”
“I’monestubbornmotherfucker,”Isaidhonestly.“ItoldyouIwasproud.Andselfish.”Mythroatworked,andIbroughtmyhandsupanddownherback,comfortingmyselfmorethanher.“AndIdidn’thateyou.Icouldneverhateyou.”Herfacesoftened,evenifonlyslightly.Itbroughtmerelief.“Iwasnoangel,either,love.Itreatedyoulikeshit.SaidthingsIshouldn’thaveandnevermeant.Iwasmeantoyou.”Myhandsclosedaroundthefabricofhershirt.“AndIhatethatIwas.”
Adalynreleasedmethen.Shetookastepback,andtheabsenceofherfeltlikeapunchtothegut.
“That’sokay,”shesaid,catchingmebysurprise.“Youhadgoodreasonstodoallthat.”
Mystomachdroppedwithsomesenseofrelief,becauseshewasn’trunningawayfromme,butalsowithsomethingIdidn’tlike.Whywasn’tshetuckedinmyarms?Whywasshephysicallyremovingherselffromme?
“Ideservedit,honestly.Whatmattersnowisthatyou’veforgivenme.”
Ifeltmyselfpale.Deservedit?“Adalyn—”
“I’mgoingtoruntotherestroom,okay?I’llberightbacksowecaneat.”Shemadeherselfsmile.“I’mstarvingandI’mundertheimpressionthatlasagnamighthavecomerightoutofNonna’srecipebook.”
Itdid.ItwastheragùshepreparedwhenIwasaboy.
ButbeforeIcouldutteraword,shewaswalkingaway,andIwaswatchingherleave.Istartedafterher,thenstoppedmyself.I’dgivehertheminuteshesoclearlyneeded.
Ontheisland,myphonepingedwithanotification.
AnemailfromLiam.
Istartedputtingdownthedevice,butsomethingcaughtmyattention.MiamiFlames.
Iunlockeditandopenedtheemail.
From:liam.acrey@zmail.com
To:c.caldani13@zmail.com
Subject:MiamiFlamesinterest
C–RememberIputoutsomescoutstospreadwordaroundthattherewasMLSinterestinyou?Notarumouranymore.TheFlamesseemtobelookingforabignameforsportingdirector.Scoutsclaimit’stoeitherfixmediamess(linkbelow)orcashinonattention.Ithinkit’ssomethingelse.Eitherway,bigcash.Interested?
L.
PS:RBCisgrowingrestless,youhaveuntilendofOctobertodecide.Stopbeingawankerandtakeit.
Iimmediatelyclickedonthelink.
Avideopoppedopen,startingwithoutmehittingplay.
AwomanenteredwhatlookedliketheFlames’Stadium,stompingherwaytooneofthosemascotsshapedlikeabird.Someonesaid,“Areyourecordingthis?”Andthecameramovedcloser,fullycatchingherface.
Allthebloodinmyfacedashedtomyfeet.
Adalyn.
Thenitdashedrightbacktomyhead,makingmeseered.
“Whatthefuck.”CHAPTERTWENTY-EIGHT
Adalyn
WhenIreturnedtothekitchen,IfoundaverydifferentCameronthantheoneI’dleftthere.
Thisonewasn’tlookingatmewithallthatsoftnessandvulnerabilitythathadmademychesthurt.ThisCameronwasmad.Upset.
Disconcerted.
“Adalyn,”hesaid.Thatwasall.Justmyname.
Icametoastop.Mygazeroamedalloverhisface,hisstance,thekitchen,lookingforanexplanation.HadIdonesomethingtocausethis?Minutesago,I’drunintohisarmsbecauseIhadn’tbeenabletohelpmyself.BecauseI’dfeltsohorribleattheideaofhavingusedsomethingsopainfulagainsthimthatIwouldhavecrackedintwoifIdidn’tmakesureheknewhowsorryIwas.Minutesago,hewascallingmeloveandtellingmehe’dhatedbeingmeantomeinthepast.Camerondidn’tknowthatIwasusedtonotbeingwantedinplaces,Iwasusedtoimposingmyselfonpeople’slivesandsituations,withonlyafewexceptionslikeMatthewormymother.
Cameronliftedhisarm,makingmenoticethephonehewasgrippinginhisfist.“What’sthis,”hegroundout,notevenformulatingthequestion.
Ananosecondwasallittookme.Justaglimpse.
Ihadbeenmentallypreparingmyselfforthis,forhimfindingout,eversincethatconversationwithDianeandGabriel.AfterIlearnedthatCameronhadn’tknownaboutitandapparentlyhadn’tbeencuriousenoughtogoogleme.Butmostofall,I’dbeendreadingthismomentforthelastfewweeks.Days.Ithadbeenhangingovermyhead.IknewthatCameronwaseventuallygoingtoseeit.
Butthatdidn’tmeanI’dbeenready.
Allthewarmthinmybodyleftme,andIwassureIwobbledatinysteptotheside,becausethestormofemotioninCameron’seyeswaveredforaninstant.Hereachedforme.
Iwidenedmystance.Ishookmyheadandtoldmyselftostandstraight.WhatwasthatthingCamerontoldthegirls?Soldieron.
“Ithinkit’sobviousfromtheclip,”Itoldhim.“Didyouwatchthewholething?”
Heletoutaroughexhale.“Idon’tunderstand.”
Ididn’t,either.Ididn’tunderstandwhyhewassoupset,unlessperhapshehatedbeingleftinthedarkorcaughtoffguard.PerhapshefeltbetrayedbymenottellinghimthathewaswalkingaroundwithatickingPRbomb.Afterall,Iwasameme,aviralthirty-secondclip,afaceusedtosellenergydrinks.Chooseentertainmentoverdignity.Iwaseverysinglethinghewasrunningawayfrom.
“There’snothingtounderstand,”Isaid.
“Explainthevideotomeanyway,”hepleaded,andnowIcouldhearitinhisvoice.Howhurthewas.Howfrustrated.“Please.”
Iavertedmyeyes.“Whatclipdidyousee?Thetechnoremix?Ortheonewithclassicalmusic?Orperhapsyousawoneofthechoreographeddancesorthetheatricalreinterpretationoftheaudio.Peoplearereallytalentednowadays.”Ishrugged.“Ormaybeyousawtheadwithmyface.I’msureitshowsupundermyhashtagbynow.”
“Thereisanad,”Cameronsaidveryslowly.Asifhecouldn’tevenspeak.“Withyourface?”
Mystomachtwisted.IwasprettysureIwasgoingtobesick,butImanagedanod.
TherewasalongstretchofsilenceuntilCameronspokeagain.“Whatdidhedo?”
Ifeltmybrowstwisting,myeyesnarrowingwithdoubt.Thathadbeenthesamequestionmymotherhadasked.“Hedidn’tdoanything.Itwasn’tSparkles’s—orPaul’s—fault.Ididthat.”
Oncemore,Camerondidn’tutterasinglewordforwhatseemedlikeaneternity.Thatwasprobablywhymyeyesfoundtheirwaybacktohim.Hisface.Helookedsoutterlylost.Helpless.Ihatedputtingthatthere.“Iwasn’taskingaboutthemascot.Iwastalkingaboutyourfather.He’stheowneroftheclub.Whatdidhedoaboutthis?”
Iblinkedathim.Healreadyknewthat.“Myfathersentmehere.”Cameron’sexpressionhardened.Ifumbledwithmyhands.“Thecliphadgoneviralinunderaday.”Ipointedatthephoneasitrestedthere,inhisfist.“IwasaPRproblemfortheclub.Heck,Iwasaproblemforhim,andsoIwassenthere,onanassignment.”
Allthatangerdissolved.“Don’tsaythat.”
“Saywhat?”
“Thatyou’reaproblem.”Hisvoicecracked.“You’renotafuckingproblem,Adalyn.”
ThoseguardsIhadbeenneglectingforthelastdaysengaged,comingupatfullforce.“Don’tpretendthatyouneversawmeasaproblem,Cameron.”Mywordsweren’tharshoraccusing.Iwassimplystatingafact.AndIwasn’tmadorangryaboutthat.Iunderstoodwhyhedid.Butthatdidn’tmeanIwasabletostandhereandlistentohimtakingmysidewhentherewasnosuchthingassidesinthis.“Whatwouldyouhavedoneinhisplace,huh?Wouldn’tyouwanttoprotecttheteam?Thefranchise?Theempirehehasbuilt?Hisownname?BecauseIwould.Iwasjeopardizingallofthosethings.Iwasarunningjoke—stillam,forthatmatter.So,really,whatwouldyouhavedoneinstead?”
“Christ,Adalyn,”hesaid.“Iwouldhaveprotectedyou.Notanythingelse.Iwouldhavedoneanythingtoprotectyou.”
HiswordsclashedagainstmewithsuchforcethatIthoughtImightstumblebackward.Ibracedahandonthebackofastool.“Andhowexactlywouldyouhavedonethat,Cameron?Goingdoor-to-doortellingeverypersonwatchingtostop?Snatchingtheirphonesfromtheirhandsandsmashingthemagainstthefloor?Orperhapsshoutingatthepressnottopaymeanyattentionandfocusontheun-shockinglylacklusterseasontheteamwashavinginstead?Or—”
“Yes,”heinterjected.Andthesinglewordwassuspendedintheairforwhatseemedlikeaneternity.“Iwouldhavedoneallofthosethings.”Hecrossedthedistanceseparatingus.“IwouldhavedoneanythingIcould.”
Mynextbreathdidn’tmakeitin.Orout.
Cameron’shandscamearoundmyface,thecontactofhisskinagainstminedizzying,overwhelminginawayIwasn’treadytoprocessinthatmoment.ButawayIdidn’twanttoletgoof.Notyet.Ileanedintohistouch.
“Iwouldhavedoneeverythinginmypowertoprotectyou.”Histhumbsbrushedmycheeks,andasangryashestilllooked,hisvoicewassosoft,sogentle.“Theinternetwasfuckingbullyingyou,soIwouldhavetriedtofixthis.AndIwouldhavenever—fuckingever—treatedyoulikeaproblemandshovedyouasidetogetyououtoftheway.”
Mychestwasheavingatthispoint,andwhateverIthoughtI’dfeltdisappeared,turningintohurt.AhurtIdidn’twanttherebutcouldn’thelp.“Butyouwantedmeoutofhere,too.AndIdon’tblameyou.I’mnotmadorresentful.”Mythroattightened.“WhenIarrivedinGreenOak,Iwasaninconvenienceforyou,andyouwantedtoshovemeout.AndI’mnotblameless,butthat’snotthatdifferentfromwhatmyfatherdid.”
Astrangledsoundlefthim,hisforeheadfallingonmine.Myhandsrose,andIwrappedmyfingersaroundhiswrists.ShowinghimthatIwantedhimrightwherehewas.“Iwouldhavefuckingcared,love.AndI’mgoingtoshowyou,okay?”
Icouldn’timaginehow,butIgavehimasmallnod.
Cameronseemedtobreathealittleeasier.“I’mnotyourfather,andIdon’treallyknowhim.Butthat’snot…”Hisheadshookagainstmine.“Ihatewhathedid.Hisreaction.”Hishandsmoveddownmycheeks,settlingonthesidesofmyneck.“AndifyouthinkI’mnotstubbornenoughtogodoor-by-door,smashingphonesagainsttheground,thenyouhavemefiguredoutallwrong.”
Astrangepuffofairburstout,butIcouldn’ttellifitwasasoboralaugh.Probablyneither.Becausethiswastoomuch.Itwastoointense.AndIdidn’tthinkIhadthetoolstoprocessit.IwishedIcouldkeepmyeyescloseduntileverythingheavyandcomplicatedinsidemychestdisappeared.Ididn’twanttoturnbacktimeandnothavethisconversation,becauseithadalwaysbeenmeanttotakeplace,butIwishedIcouldmagicallypopupinbedandwilltherestofthenightaway.Wakeuptomorrow,buriedinthecomforterofCameron’sguestroom.
And,ofcourse,thismanwhowasstillholdingmyfacebetweenhishandslikehislifedependedonitseemedtosomehowreadmymind,becauseIwaswordlesslybeingliftedoffthegroundandthen,Iwasbeingdepositedinthesoftandplushcushionsofthecouch.Isighed,halfhappytobegrantedthewishandhalfsadthatthismeanthewaswalkingaway.Butthen,alargebodywascurlingalongmineandwhatIknewwasCameron’sarmwascomingaroundmymiddle,curlingovermywaist,anddraggingmetohischest.
“Iknowyouhatebeingcarriedeverywhere,”hesaidintomyhair.“ButI’vebeenstoppingmyselfallnight.Maybeallweek.”
AnavalancheofcontradictingfeelingsriotedandclashedinsidemeasIburiedmyhandsbetweenourbodies,lettingmypalmsfallonhischestandmyforeheadrestagainsthischin.“Idon’thateit.”
Ireallydidn’t.Iresistedit—him—becauseIlikedbeinginCameron’sarmstoomuch.EnoughtoremindmyselfthatGreenOakwasabubble,andtherewasalifewaitingformebackinMiami.OnethatIhadfoughthardtogobacktobutwasstartingtofeelIdidn’tbelongtoanymore.NotlikeIthoughtIdid.
Andwheredidthatleaveme?Wheredidthatleaveus?
Wespentthenightonthecouch.
OrsoIthought.NowthatIwasblinkingattheemptyspacebesideme,Iwasn’texactlysureifI’dsleptalone.
Willowpoppedherheadoutfrombeneaththecouch.Theonlywarningshegavemewasamewbeforeshecurledinmylap.Ipettedherbehindherears,justlikeI’dlearnedsheliked,wonderingwhattimeitwasbutnotwantingtoleavethesafetyofthecouchortheblanketwrappedtightlyaroundme.
HadIimaginedeverything?Hadlastnightbeenadream?
Idroppedmyhandtothesideandfeltthecushionstillwarm.
SoIcouldn’thaveimaginedCameronsleepingbymyside.
Ihadn’timaginedthefeelofmyhandsslippingunderhisshirt,orthefeelofhissmoothandwarmskinunderthepadsofmyfingers.Ihadn’timaginedhishandsmovingaroundmeandfindingaplaceonmyback.Orhowhisthumbshadsnuckunderthewaistofmyjeansandhowhehadhummeddeepinhisthroat.Myeyelidsflutteredshut,mybreathcomingoutofmeinaburst.
NowonderI’dwokeupallaroused.No,thatwasn’tawordIwoulduseforhowIfelt.
Horny.That’swhatIwas.Hot.Andbothered.Andturnedon.Andhewasn’tevenhererightnow.
IreopenedmyeyestoWillow’sbicoloredgaze.ShestaredatmeandthenletoutasoundthatIinterpretedasYourthoughtsaretooloud,andI’mtryingtosleep.
“Sorry,girl,”Itoldher,passingmyfingersoverherheadonemoretime.Ifrowned,somethingoccurringtome.“Hmm.I’veneverbeenthissexuallyfrustratedbefore,soI’mtryingtodeal.”
Adeepchucklecamefromthekitchen.
Myupperbodysprungup.Myheadswiveledinthedirectionofthesound.
Cameronwasleaningontheisland,pettingPierogiwithonehandandholdingamugwiththeother.Therewasahugegrinonhisface.“Morningtoyou,too,love.”
Ugh.
Iletmyselffallonmyback,disappearingfromhissightbehindthebackofthecouch.Ibroughtmyhandstomyfaceandbitbackagroan.Thatwasn’tsomethingCameronneededtohear.
Hisheadreappearedoverthecouch.Heleanedontheedgewithhiselbows,stillwiththesmuggestsmileknowntoman.
“Don’tletitgettoyourhead,”Isaid,busyingmyhandswithWillow’sfur.Tryingtobecasual.“Thinkofitas…morningwood.Butforgirls.Completelyunrelatedtoyou.Itjusthappened.”Ishookmyhead.“Sexualfrustrationiscommon.”
Heletoutalaughthistime.“Sure,”hesaid.“Onlywebothknowitwasallme.Infact,it’dbeeasytoprovehowmuch.”AndjustasIwasarchingabrow,hewasraisinganarmandflexinghisbiceps.“See?”
Ilovedhisarms.Specificallyflexedlikethat.Iletoutasnort.“Really,”Ideadpanned.“Whatareyou,ten?”
Cameronstraightenedup.AndinaswiftmotionIwouldhaveneveranticipated,hetookoffhisshirt.
Mymouthclampedshut.Mywholefacewarmed.Heated.Hedidn’tevenneedtoflex.Iswallowed.Hard.Iwashornierthanever.“Ikeepforgettinghowmuchyoulovetowin,”Isaidundermybreath.
“Nah,”hesaid,hislipsinchinghigher.“Youkeepgivingmereasonstoplayaharderandlongergame,darling.”
Remnantsfromlastnightcamebacktome,notofhimandmeonthecouch,butourconversation.Thewayithadrevealedsomanycrucialpiecestounderstandingeachother.Ithadbeenintense,butitalsohadbeenneeded.Inthismoment,IfeltclosertoCameronthanIdidtoanyoneelse.He’dbaredhimselftome,andIknewhowhardithadbeenforhim.Itmademefeelhorriblefornotdoingthesame.Notcompletely.ButhowcouldIhavetoldhimallthethingsthatledmetomybiggestmistake?IwasstillscaredCameronwouldlookatmedifferently.LikemyfatherorDavidhad.Iwasterrified.
Asifsensingmyinnerbattle,Cameron’slightnessvanishedandheturnedawayfromme.
Mygazefollowedhimashecrossedthespacetothefarendofthelivingroom,sculptedmusclesdancingonhisbackandknockingeveryrationalthoughtoutofmyheadwitheachstephetook.Cameronkneeled,disappearingfrommysightforasecondandpoppingupagainholdingamat.ItwasTheMat.WhichmeantitwasYogaTime.IlovedYogaTime.ItwasthetimeofthedayIcouldopenlywatchhim.
“You’reoffthehooktoday,”Cameronsaid,shootingmeaknowingglance.“Butyou’rejoiningmetomorrow.”Hisexpressionturnedserious.“Iwantyoutotrytomeditateaswell.I’mnotinthebestpositiontolectureanyone,GodknowsIhaveissuestosiftthroughmyself,butIthinkitwillhelpyou.Withthoseburstsofanxietyyouexperience.”
“My…panicattacks.”
“Yes.”Hegavemeanod.“Itwon’tfixthem.I’velearnedthattherapyisthekeyforthat.ButI’mnotatherapistandI’mnotyour…”Hetrailedoff,andmyheartskippedabeat.“It’sastart.Babysteps,yeah?”Igavehimanod,andheletoutanexhale,asifrelievedIwaslettinghimtrytohelp.God.Thisman.“Good.I’llguideyouthroughthebasics.Tomorrow.Worstcasetheworkoutwilltakeyourmindoffthingsforabit.”
Iwatchedhimunrollthemat.Therewasaconcernedlookonhisface.Ididn’tlikeitthere.“Ithinkyou’llneedtowearashirtthen,”Itoldhim.“Idon’tthinkmymindwillbeabletorelaxotherwise.”
Hegavemesomewhatofasmile,asifhewantedtotellmethatheappreciatedmetryingtolightenhismood.Butthefrownremainedthere.
“Cameron?”Isaid.Hestoppedwhathewasdoingtolookatme.“Youshouldn’tworrysomuch.Iwanttotrytheyogaandmeditation.Withyou.ButI…I’mokay.Forthemostpart,Ithink.Afterlastnight,Idon’twantyoutofeellikeyouneedtofixthingsforme.I’vebeendoingfineonmyownforalongtime.”
“Iknow,”heansweredsimply.“I’mbeginningtounderstandjusthowlong.”Theemotioninhiseyesseemedtobrighten,makingthemlookasgreenasever.Icouldn’tlookanywhereelse.“Idon’tintendonslayingyourdragonsforyou.NotbecauseIdon’twantto,believeme,Ido.Butbecauseyouwouldhateit,andyoudon’tneedmeto.”
Pressurerushedtothebacksofmyeyes.Andsomethingstrangehappened.Somethinginthemiddleofmychest.AflutterIdidn’tunderstand.Alongingforthosethingshe’djustsaidIdidn’tneedorwant.
AnemotioncrossedCameron’sface,andIcouldtellfromthewayhewidenedhisstancethathewasstoppinghimselffromcomingmyway.Heclearedhisthroat.“Josieispickingyouupinanhour,right?”
Right.“Girls’time,yes.”
Cameronlookeddownathisfeetforaninstant.“Iaskedhertodropyoubackafterlunch.AndImadeherpromisetobeontime,soI’dhaveyoubacksoon.There’ssomethingIhaveplannedforyou.Thatokay?”
SoI’dhaveyoubacksoon.Thestrangeflutterstirred.“Ofcourse.”
Thereliefinhisfacewassoclearthatitmademepause.
He’dthoughtI’dsayno.
“Ibettergoshowerthen,”Isaid,turningaway.Itooktwostepsbeforeturning.Cameronwasstilllookingatme.Hehadn’tmoved.“Iwouldn’thateit,youknow?”Itoldhim,andhefrowned.“Iwouldn’thateitifyouweretheoneslayingmydragonsforme.”CHAPTERTWENTY-NINE
Adalyn
“Yousureyou’redoingokay?”
Inoddedmyhead,notdaringtoliftmygazeoffthepath.
“We’realmostthere,”Cameronadded.Isensedhimcomingclosertome.He’dbeenwalkingbehindme,touchingmybackorshouldereveryonceinawhile,asifhe’dknownwewereapproachingabiggerrockorapatchierspotonthetrail.Hesethispalmagainstthesmallofmyback,hisvoicefallingclosetomyear.“You’redoinggreat.”
Mybreathswooshedoutofmeandmywordscameoutgarbled.“I’mjustwalking.”Hishandmovedup,makingitswayaroundmywaist,andhegaveitasqueeze.Ihadtoswallowbeforecontinuing,“Thisisn’tevenahikeoratrek.It’smorelikeastr…”Hisjawbrushedmycheek,derailingmytrainofthought.
“Youweresaying?”hemurmured.AndwhenIdidn’tsayanything,hechuckled.Thedarkandrichsoundtraveledstraighttomygut.Maybeevenlowerthanthat.“Areyoutiredorhurting?”
“Huh,what?”Ifrowned,realizingI’dcometoastop.Oh.Right.Iresumedwalking.“I’mfine.Andbeforeyouaskoroffer,Idon’tneedtobecarriedlikeaprincess,either.”NotthatIwouldmind,honestly.Iwasn’tahugefanof…this.
“Amancanstillhope,”hesaid,lettinghisarmdropandwaitingformetotaketheleadagain.
BeforeItookhimupontheoffer,Ispedup,orrather,resumedthemoderatepaceI’dkeptforthelasttwentyminutes.WithCameron’schucklebehindme,Itriedmybesttokeepmyfocusonthepath.Onmylegs.Ontheincreasinglyfastbeatingofmyheartthathadabsolutelynothingtodowiththeexertion.
“So…”Istarted,glancingbackathimovermyshoulder.Mistake.Thatmoss-greenfleeceheworemadehiseyespoplikeemeralds.Ishookmyhead.I’dnevercomparedanyone’seyestogemsbefore.“SoI,hmm,Ithoughtyouweren’tsupposedtogoonahikewhenthesuniscomingdownsoon?”
“Yourfootwasnotupforahike,”Cameronsaid.
Ifrownedatthetrailinfrontofme.“Sowhatarewedoingthen?”
“Thenextbestthing.”
Mylipspursed,readytocomplainabouthimbeingsocryptic,butthen,hisarmsnakedaroundmybodyagain,andheguidedmetotheleft.
Ugh,hesmelledsogood,sowoodsyandfreshandjustabsolutelyamazing,thatIcouldn’thelpbutsmellhim.Isniffedhim.JustlikeWilloworPierogidid.AndCameron,whohadn’tmissedmyreaction,letoutahum.
Asifthatdeep,throatysoundwasn’tenough,hisheaddippedandhesaid,“I’mfindingitparticularlyhardtokeepmyhandsoffyou.”Icametoahaltforaninstant,unabletoprocessthebubblingsensationbuildingbetweenmystomachandchest.Hemovedusforward.“It’sseeingyouinalltheseclothesIgotforyou.”
Anewwaveofwarmthclimbedupmyface.Butit…itfeltgood.No.Itfeltgreat.Hearinghiswords,hisconfession,broughtmeakindofpleasureI’dneverfeltbefore.PerhapsthatwaswhyIfelttheurgetoquizhim.Tofullyunderstand.Iglimpseddownatmyself.“ButI’malllayeredup,”Icroaked.Thiscouldn’tbeallthatattractive.Orappealing.“I’mtheoutdoorsversionofanonion.Youinsisted.Howcanyoufindthis…attractive?”
Cameronletoutadarkchuckle.“Woulditbesoterribleifhavingyouwarmandsafemakesmehard?”
Mybloodswoosheddown.
Mylegsfailed.Iswayedagainsthimjustashisotherarmcamearoundme,securingmetohissidewithagrunt.
Woulditbesoterribleifhavingyouwarmandsafemakesmehard?
Somethingstrangewashappeningtomybody.Itwasshaking,tremblinginresponsetohiswords.Istartedtoturn,feelingtheneedtoseehisfaceafterwhathe’djustsaid.
Butsomethinginfrontofusmademestop.
“Cameron?”Iblinked,wonderinghowI’dmissedwhatwasbeforeus.“What’sthis?”
ItreallywasthestupidestquestionIcouldask.Butifthemancurrentlysupportingallmyweightagainsthischestagreed,hedidn’tsayso.“We’restargazingtonight.”Hewalkedaheadofmeandpointedtohisright.“Thetentisaprecaution.Justincaseyougettoocoldandwanttosneakinforaminute.Ileftafewblanketsandathermosinsideitearliertoday.Butwe’renotcampingoutforthewholenight.”Cameronturnedaroundtolookatme,andhegavemeasmallsmile.“We’reparkedonlyfifteenminutesawaysowecangobackwheneveryouwant.”
We’restargazingtonight.
Mychesttightened,squishingmyinsidestogether.“You…”ThewordcameoutsorockythatIhadtoclearmythroat.“Youcamebyearliertosetthisup?Isthatwhyyouweren’thomewhenJosiedroppedmeoff?”
Cameron’sheadtiltedtotheside,hisjawtightening.Somethingcrossedhisexpression.Tooquickformetocatch.
“What’swrong?”Iwhispered.
“Notasinglethingiswrongrightnow.”Hestretchedhishand,spreadingthoselongfivefingersIwasgrowingobsessedwith.“Comehere.”
Withouthesitation,Icrossedtheshortspacethatseparatedus.Ilookedathishandasithoveredintheair,waitingforme.Forus.AndwhenItookit,Ifeltthetouchofhisskindeepinmygut.Somethingchangedinthatmoment,Icouldfeelit.Senseitshifting.Cameronguidedmeclosertothetent,releasingmyhandtosetdownthebackpackhewascarrying.Heproducedandunrolledathickblanket,settingitdownontheground,thenpulledoutofthetentanoutdoorsyversionofwhatI’dconsiderapicnicbasket.Finally,hesatdownononesideoftheblanket,stretchinghislegs.
Itwaswhenheglancedupatme,aslowsmileplayingonhislips,thatIrealizedIhadn’tmoved.Hetuggeddownatthehemofmyjacket,hismouthfullygivingwaytothatgrinIlovedsomuch.ButIstilldidn’tmove.
“Darling,”hechastised,amusementdancinginhisvoice.“Ifyoudon’tquitlookingatmelikethat,Ican’tpromiseI’llletyouseeasinglestartonight.”
Promiseme,Iwantedtosay.Promiseyouwon’t.PromiseyouareallI’llseetonight.ButIdidn’t.Ijoinedhimontheblanket,myheartpoundingwithanticipationand…possibility.Yes,ithadtobethatmakingmebreathless.Awarmcontainerwasplacedgentlyinmyhands,andwhenIlookedup,Cameron’seyeswereonme.Hisexpressionwassoftandhard,allatonce.
“Thankyou,”Iwhispered.
Cameron’sanswerwasatiltofhisheadinthedirectionofmylap.Thethermos.Ilifteditupandtookatentativesip,tastingcocoaandmilk.Warmthsurgedthroughme,partlybecauseofthedrinkbutmostlybecauseofthemanbymyside.Isetmyeyesonthehorizonbeforeus,onthelinetheslopingterraindrewandhowthesunhadnowalmostdisappearedbehindit.
“Idon’tknowwhattosay,”Itoldhimhonestly,glancingsidewaysanddiscoveringhehadn’tstoppedlookingatme.“I’mnotusedto…this.”IknewCameronunderstoodIwasn’ttalkingabouttheoutdoors,ortheviews,orwarmbeveragesandthickblankets.That’sprobablywhyIturnedbacktolookatthedarkeningsky.Soon,scatteredpointsoflightwouldsparktolifeaboveus.“Thesunhasn’tfullysetyetandit’salreadysobeautiful.Iwasn’texpectingthat.”
“Itreallyisbeautiful,”heagreed,anddearGod,Icouldfeelhiseyesonme.“Yougavemetheidea,youknow.”
Ifrowned.“How?”
“Thenightatthelake,”heansweredwithalowchuckle.“Youwerelyingonyourback,coveredingoatshit,andyouwerelookingatthestars.Youwerenotfrowning,orwincinginpain,youwereinblissfulaweforamoment.”Ilookedoverathim,findinghimshakinghishead.“I’dneverseenthatlookonyourface.AndtherealizationofhowbeautifulyoulookedandhowoutrageouslyIwantedyourightthenassaultedme.ItcaughtmesooffguardthatIcouldn’tevenspeak.”Hisjawclenched.“Andthenyoumadeitworse.”
Wordsleftmewitharockyexhale.“Idid?”
“Youhadtogointothelakeandpullthatgoddamngoatoutofthewaterlikeyourlifedependedonit,”Cameronraspedoutwithahumorlesslaugh.“You,inheelsandafuckingsuitI…”Apuffofairlefthim.“God,I’dneverbeenmoreshockedandturnedoninmywholelife.”Histhroatworked.“IthinkpartofmedecidedthatnightthatIwouldbetakingyouhere.”
Ibroughtthethermostomylipsagain,willingmyhearttoquiet,tostopdrummingonmytemplesandletmeenjoythepeaceofthisstunningplace.ButCameron’swordskeptechoinginmyhead.Theweightofthemandwhatlayinbetweenthem.Inbetweenus.
Myeyelidsflutteredforaninstant,andbeforeIrealizedwhatIwassaying,thewordswereleavingme.“What’snextforyou,Cam?”
ItwastheaudiblehitchinhisthroatthatmademerealizeI’dcalledhimCamandnotCameron.“Idon’tknow,”heanswered,andIcouldhearthehonestyinhisvoice.Icouldalsotelltherewasahintof…fear,perhaps.Ofuncertainty.“There’sapunditgigonthetable,inLondon.Idon’twantit.”
Why?Iwantedtoask.AreyounotleavingtheUSthen?ButIdidn’tknowifIhadthecouragetoaskhimthat.Apartofmedidn’twanttoheartheanswer.Ididn’twanthimtoleave,butthatwasunfair.BecauseIwasn’tstayinginGreenOak,either.Iwasleavingsoon.
Cameron’sbodyshiftedontheblanket,comingclosertome.Iwasshakingagainbutitwasn’tbecauseIwascold,andIthinkCameronknewthat.“Lookingforwardtoreturninghome?”heasked.
“Idon’tknow.”Ilookeddownatmyfeet.Home.“IthoughtI’dbegladwhenthiswholethingcametoanend,andIcouldgobacktomylife.ButI…It’sstrange.I’veneverfeltlikeIwasn’tpartoftheMiamiFlames,butthemoretimeIspendhere,themoredetachedIbecome.LikeIwasneverpartofthem.Notreally.”
Cameron’spalmsettledonmythigh,theweightandwarmthseepingthroughthethickfabricofthepantshe’dinsistedIwore.Hesqueezed,thoselongfingerstighteningagainstmyskininawaythatmademethink—wish—hewasdoingmorethanjustthat.
“Ialwaysdreamedofbeinginchargeofthecluboneday,”Iheardmyselfconfess.“Youknow,takeoverfrommyfather.Maybethat’swhyIdidn’thesitatetocomehere.ItwasawaytoredeemmyselfandearnbackhisrespectafterIembarrassedhim.”ThewordsI’dheardDavidsaythatdayreturned.“Although,Idon’tthinkmyfathereverfullybelievedinme.AndIguessIprovedhimright.”
“Stopthat,”Cameronsaidfrommyside.“Stopjustifyingeverysinglepersonwhotreatsyoulikerubbish.”Hisbrowsfurrowed,andwhenhislipspartedIknewthequestionthatwascomingoutofthem.“Whathappened,love?”heaskedme,voicesoft.“Whatwasdonetoyouforyoutobreaklikethat?”
Break.
Ihadbroken,hadn’tI?
Yes.Therewasnoquestion.
Bloodrushedtomyheadatthescatteredmemoriesofthatday,theclip,butmostofall,ofCameron’sreactiontoseeingit.Hiswords.
Iwouldhavedoneeverythinginmypowertoprotectyou.
“Nothingwasdonetome.”Istumbledovermywords,feelingmyhandsshakeandsettingthethermosbesidemyhip.“Iamtheonlyoneresponsibleformyactions,andbelievingotherwisewouldbestupid.Andimmature.”Ishookmyhead.“Whathappenedisnotworthwastingthisbeautifulnightwithyou.”
Cameron’spalmliftedoffmythighandlandedonthebackofmyhead.Hisfingersslippedintomyhair.HetiltedmyheadsoIwouldlookathim.“Letmebethejudgeofwhat’sworthmytime,”hetoldme,allthatsoftnessmeltingaway.
AndIcouldseeitinhiseyes,clearastheday.Iwouldhavefuckingcared.Tellme.Trustme.
Sothewordsrolledoffmytongue.“Myex,David,hadbeenlying.Usingme.Andmyfatherhadbeenpartofit.”
Cameron’seyesdarkenedwithanangerthatremindedmeoflastnight,ofhisreactiontoseeingthestupidclip.Forasecond,I’dthoughthe’dreleaseme,thathe’dmoveaway,butinstead,histouchturnedmorepossessive,moreintent,againstthesideofmyhead.AsifhewasscaredI’dgosomewhere.OrperhapshethoughtI’dbreakagain.
“Turnsout,I’dbeennothingbutcollateralinabusinesstransaction,”Itoldhim.AndGod,Ifeltsicktomystomachhearingthewords.Allowingmyselftothinkofitforthefirsttime.Ipushedthrough.“Davidhadneverwantedtodateplainol’Adalyn.He’donlywantedthedaughterofAndrewUnderwood.Andmydadhadencourageditbecausewejust…madesense.DavidwasthesonofabusinesspartnerandIwashisdaughter.Samecircles,sameage.He…”Cameron’sexpressiontightened,andIletoutahumorlesslaugh.“HepromisedDavidahighmanagementpositionintheclubifhemarriedme.LikeI’msome…stockorpossessionyouexchange.Orworseyet,likehedidn’tbelieveDavid—oranyone—woulddothatwithoutsomekindofmotivationorcompensation.Idon’tknow.”
Nowordscameoutofthemaninfrontofme.Hisonlyresponsewasabrushofhisthumbagainstmyjaw.Soothing.Encouraging.Allwhileastormbrewedbehindthegreenofhiseyes.
“Myfatherwasn’twrong,”Icontinued.“Davidhadneverintendedtomarryme.Probablynotevendateme,seeingasIam‘frigid,boring,andforgettableinbed.’?”Igesturedinairquotes.Thosewerehisexactwords.AndIshouldn’tcarebut…Idid.Apartofmedid.“That’swhythemomenthe’dlockedintheposition,anditwasannounced,hedroppedmelikethedeadweightIwas.‘Dodgedabullet,’hesaid.”Ahumorlesschuckleleftme.“Ican’tevenimaginehowmadmyfathermusthavebeenwhenhisplannotonlybackfired,butheendedupbeingextortedbyDavid.”
Icouldalmostpicturemyfather’sface.Thewayitcontortedwhensomethingdidn’tgohisway.Andwhatwasstranger,howcouldsomeonewhohadplayedsomanypeoplebeplayedlikethat?Icouldn’tunderstand.
“Extortedhow?”Cameronasked,makingmerealizeIwaslostinthought.
“Davidthreatenedtocomecleanifmyfatherfiredhimordemotedhim.”ThedayoftheincidentwithSparkleshadbeentheanniversarypartyandtherehadbeenpre-celebrationdrinks.IknewwhatalcoholdidtoDavid.Itmadehimcocky.Braggy.“IoverheardDavid.Hewassohappy,tellingallofthisto…Paul.Sparkles.Hewasblabbingallhissecretstothemascotoftheteam.Agiantbirdmadeofpolyester.Rightthere,inthestairwell,whereanyonecouldhaveheard.Asifthiswassomelockerstoryyousharedwithyourteammatesinsteadof…mylife.”
Istoppedtalking,neededasecondtomyself.FocusingonCameron’stouch.
“Ifeltsoincrediblysmall,”Icontinued,voicebreaking.“DeemedunsuitablebyDavid.Incapableofhandlingoneofthemostnaturalthingsinlifebymyfather.Notenough.Andwhatwasworse,IfeltbetrayedbytheclubI’dgivensomuchto.Sparklesbeingtheonelisteningtoallofthismadeitsomuchworseinsomebizarreway.”Myvoicewaveredagain.“So,whenIsawthesillybirdshakinghisassinthemiddleofeverythingandeveryonethatrepresentedtheMiamiFlames,noteventenminuteslater,asifnothinghadhappened,asifmywholeworldhadn’tbeenturnedonitsaxis,Ididbreak.”
Cameron’seyesroamedallovermyface,mybody,inadesperate,aimlessway.Andwhentheyfinallyreturnedtomine,Irecognizedthequestioninthem.SoInodded—howcouldInot—andbeforeIcouldsomuchasblink,hewassettlingmeonhislapandbringingmetohischest.
“ThelastthingIrememberiswalkingtowardPaul,”Iwhispered,andCameron’sarmscamearoundmyshouldersandwaist.Tighter.AstightlyasI’deverbeenheld.“Then,Sparkles’sheadwasatmyfeet.”
Cameronhummeddeepinhisthroat,thesoundreverberatingagainstmybody.
“Iwouldn’tblameyouifyouthoughtIwascrazy,”Iheardmyselfsay.“Seeingaseventhatway,evenaftereverythingIheard,I’mhere,provingmyselftothem.Tohim.Insteadofconfrontingthem.”Myvoiceturnedintoamurmur.“ButIguessI’mnotthatbrave.AndIstillmessedup.Ihatemesses.I’musuallytheonewhocleansthemup.”
ThatclubwaseverythingIknew.MylifewastheMiamiFlamesand,therefore,myfather.SowhatelsecouldIhavedonebuttrytowinthemback?
“DoyouwanttohearwhatIthink?”Cameronasked.
Iclosedmyeyes,buryingmyheadbeneathhischin,stickingmynoserightintohischest.God,Ilovedithere.Ilovedhowsolidhefeltagainstmyskin.Howsafe.Ididn’twanttolosethat.“No,Ireallydon’twantto.ButIalsoknowyou’regoingtotellmeanyway.”
Ashortpuffofbreathfellagainstmytemple,andforaninstantpanicsettledinmygutathissilence.IcaredwhatCameronthoughtofme.Icaredhowhefeltandhowhesawme.Icaredtoomuch,andIrealizednowthatitwasn’tsomethingnew.Apartofmehadalwayscared.
“Ithink,”hefinallysaid,hishandsuddenlycuppingmyfaceandtippingmychinup.“Thatforsomeonewho’salwaysjustifyingeverybodyelse’sshitbehavior,you’reextremelyhardonyourself.”Thegreenofhiseyesdarkened,andhistongueflickedoverhisbottomlip,asifpreparinghimselfforwhatwascomingnext.“Ithinkthatyou’veworkedsohardatkeepingyourselfcontained,soincontrolandsafebehindthathardshellyouputaroundyourself,thatitwasallboundtocollapse.”Hisgazedroppeddowntomylips,andhisthumbcaressedthelineofmymouth.“IalsoknowthatI’llneedtostopmyselffromcatchingaflighttoMiamithemomentwegetupfromthisblanket.”Hisfrownturnedserious.Focused.Distracting.“Andlastbutcertainlynotleast…”hetrailedoff,hisvoicechanging,morphingintoarasp.
Icoulddonothingbutwatchasthemanholdingmeinhaleddeepandslowthroughhisnose,asifneedingapause.Amoment.Acurselefthimunderhisbreath,andbeforeIcouldprepare,hishandsweremoving,reachingaroundmywaistandguidingmearoundhislapuntilwewerefullyfacingeachother.
Mybodylitup,andIrestedmypalmsonhischest.Myheartpounded,mirroringthewayhischestseemedtothrumagainstmyhands.
“Lastbutnotleast,”heresumed,voicesolowIwouldn’thavehearditifIwasn’tsoclose.“Iknow,withterrifyingcertainty,thatoncetheshockandangerattheworldforbeingsofuckinguglyhadpassed,I’veneverbeenmoreinawe,morestunnedsilly,moreturnedon,bysuchadisplayofviciousness.”Hepushedmeupwithhislegs,levelingmygazewithhis,andmakingmykneesfallontotheblanketoneachsideofhiships.“Somuchthateversinceseeingthatvideo,I’vebeenphysicallyrestrainingmyselffromkissingyou.Fromtakingyourmouthandfeelingallthatfireburninginsideyouagainstmytongue.”
Allthatfire.
Fire.Cameronsawfireinme.
Anditdidfeellikeflamesweresuddenlylickingatmyskinfromtheinside,makingmesosuddenlyhotthatIwasfindingithardtopullinabreath.AllIcouldthinkwasKissme.Please.Takemymouth.“That’sridiculous,”Iwhispered.
“Maybe,”hesaid,hisexpressiontightening,thetiltofhismouthsevere.“Butitdoesn’tmakeitanylesstrue.”
Myhandsclosedaroundthefabricofhisjacket.I’dneverexperiencedthiskindofneedinmylife.Thisdizzyingattractionthatwentbeyondlooksandinkandmuscles.Itwashim.Cameron,whocausedthiscravingtopiercerightthoughme.
Cameron’schindippeddown.“Don’tyousee?Youareanythingbutdispassionate,Adalyn.You’rerelentless,determined,fiery,andhavemadeeverymomentI’vehappenedtobenexttoyouasaliveasthefuckingsunlightingeverythingupatdawn.Anybodywhofailstoseethatiseitherblindorsomeworthlesspieceofsh—”
“Cameron,”Iwhispered,bringinghiswordstoastop.
Somethingpassedbetweenus.
Hisjawclenched.“Tellme,”hesaid.Myheartspedup,wantingoutofmychest.Hishandsmovedaroundmywaist,hisfingerspressingintomyskinwithbarelyrestrainedpressure.“Givemepermissionto—”
Iclosedthedistancebetweenourmouths.
Cameronwasstunnedforafractionofasecond,asifhehadexpectedmetodenyhim,andthenhemeltedagainstme,makingadeep,throatysound.Hismouthmovedonmine,lipsparted,andoneofhishandsmovedup,findingthebackofmyhead,bringingmeclosertohim.
Everycell,everyounceofwhoIwas,camealiveagainsthislips.Camerondeepenedthekiss,andwhenawhimperclimbedoutofmychest,hisfingerscurledaroundmyhair.Myarmsflewtohisneckinresponse,snakingarounditandclutchinghimtomewithadesperationI’dneverfeltbeforehim.
Anothergroanvibratedagainstmychest,mouth,body,andIfelthisotherhandmovetomyback,stoppingatthebaseofmyspine.Hepulledmedeeperintohislap.Hipsclashed,andGod,Icouldfeelhimsohardandhotbeneathme,sounbelievablysolidagainstmybody,thatallsenseescapedme.
Icameupforairwithabreathlessgasp.AndCameron’smouthdroppedtomyjaw,traveledalongmyskin,downmyneckanduptomyear.Henippedatasensitivespotthere,andwhenmyeyelidsflutteredshut,aloudmoanIwasn’tsurewasmineechoedinthenight.
“Fuck,”heraspedagainstmyskin.
Wavesoftingles—sparks,electricity—spreadthroughoutmeasmybloodpulsed,swirlingwithneedandtravelingrightwherethejunctionofmythighsmethis.Iopenedmyeyesagain,findinghisgazeonme,attentive,determined,lettingmeknowthattherewasnoturningback.Thiswasakissthatchangedsomething,andIshouldknowthat.Cameronwastellingme.AndIwasn’tfightingthatnotion,orhim,anylonger.
Iwasgivingmyselfachance.
Fingersthatwerenowshakingmovedtothebackofhisneck,andthistimeIsavoredthetasteofhislips,memorizedthefeelofthistongueagainstmineandletmywholebodyshakewiththesensationofkissingandbeingkissedlikethis.
Wecameupforairatthesametime,breathless,drunk,andCameronwhispered,“Tellmeyoufeelthis,too.”
Igavehimasinglenod,tellinghimsilentlythatIwantedtofeelevenmore.Everything.Cameronthrustedhishipsup.Amoanfelloffmylipsatthefriction,thesensationitcreatedagainstagrowinglysensitivespotbetweenmylegs.God,Iwaspulsing.Poundingwithneed.
“More?”Cameronaskedagainstmylips.AndwhenIdidn’tanswer,hetightenedhisgriponme,pullinggentlyjustashejerkedmybodyclosertohimwithanewmotionofhiships.Anotherbriskthrust.Mylipspartedwithanabandonedsound,andhesaid,“That’swhatIthought.”
Iclosedmyeyesagain,tryingtogetaholdofeverysinglesensationwreakinghavocinsideofme,pushingmefurtherandfurtherintothenight.Intohim.Cameron.
Hemovedthen,wideninghislegsandpositioningmeinawaythatheightenedthatswirlingneedcoursingthroughme.Now,Icouldfeelhimgrowimpossiblyhardunderme,Icouldfeelhisheat.Instinctively,Iswayedmyhips.
OhGod.
“Again,”hedemanded,bringingbothofhishandsbehindmyhead.WhenIdidn’tmove,stilltoostunnedbyhowgoodthathadfelt,hetookmymouth,beggingandcommandingmetomove.Myhipsswayedagain.Thenagain,andagain.AndwhenCameronbrokethekiss,hemovedhismouthtomyear.“Goodgirl.”
Arecklesssoundleftmeinresponse,somethinginsideofmeoverpoweringallsense,makingmesinkandpushandstrokemyselfagainsthislengthwithutmostdesperateneed.
“Let’sseehowsweetyoucome,”heraspedinmyear,accompanyingmymotionswithhiships.Mywholebodywastremblingnow,pulsingwitheveryroughdriveofourhips.Myhandsstartedmoving,desperatelyseekingwaystogetridofwhateverwasbetweenus.Ituggedathisjacket,atmine,wantingtotearthemapart.Makethemdisappear.OneofCameron’shandssnatchedmywrists.“Ridemelikethis,”heordered,voiceimpossiblydark.
Hereleasedmyhandsforaninstant,butonlytobringthembehindmyback.Mybodyarchedwiththechange,myhipsshifted,andhislengthrubbedrightagainstmyclit.“Ineedtofeelyou,”Imumbled.Iwasn’teventalkingaboutthegriphehadonmyhands.Iwantedhim.“Ineedtofeelyourskin.”
“I’mnottakingasinglethingoffyouorme,”hewhisperedagainstmymouth.“WhatdidItellyou,huh,love?”Hethrusthiships,pushingmefurtherandfurtherintohim.“I’malittlemeanwhenIhavetobe.Now,liftyourhipsandmakeyourselfcomeagainstme.”
Ithoughtanoise—asoundIshouldhaverecognized—camefromsomewherearoundus.ButIdidn’tcare.Icouldn’twhenastreamofmoanswasleavingmythroat.WhenIwastoolosttothis,tous,tocare.SoIswayedagainstCameron,obeyinghisdemandandgettinglostineveryinchofhimthatwasnowroughlyrubbingagainstmyclit.OhGod.“Cameron?”Iwhimpered.
“Letgo,love,”hesaidwithsuchdesperation,suchneed,thatittippedmeclosertotheedge.Hisfreehandtraileddownmyback,reachingmyass,hispalmpressing,pushingmyhipstoridehimfaster.Harder.“Iwantyoutoletgoandshowmehowfuckingbrightyouburn.”
Anexplosiontookplacebehindmyeyelids,mywholebodyturningintonothingbutabundleofnerves,vibrating,pulsingwithreleasesointensethatIthoughtitwouldnevercometoanend.
“Fuck,”Cameronwhispered,lettinggoofmywristsandasstobringhishandstomyface.Hepulledmein,placingahardkissonmymouth.“Sogoddamnbeautiful,”hemurmured,lettinghisforeheadrestonmine.
Ihummed,feelingdepletedandnumb,lettingallmyweightfallonhim.Ireopenedmyeyes,realizingonlythenthatI’dclosedthematsomepoint.Cameron’snostrilsflared.Hismouthpartedwitharoughexhale.Imovedmyhandsoverhischest,feelinghowhardhewasbreathing.
Imethisgaze,thatdeepshadeofgreenswirlingwithneed.Iwantedtoseehim.Iwantedto—
Cameronkissedmeagain.Hardandsoft,allatonce.Imeltedagainsthim,myhandsseeking,goingdownhischest,andreachingtheedgeofhiscoat.Islippedmyfingersunderneath,justlikeIcouldn’tbefore,andhookedmythumbsontheloopsofhispants.“Ah,love,”hebreathedout,followedbyahumorlesslaugh.“I’mnotfuckingyouinthemiddleofthewoods.”
Ituggedathispants,releasingabreath.“ButonlyIfinished.Ioweyouanorgasm.”
“Youdon’towemeasinglething.”Hekissedthetipofmynose,thenloweredhisvoicetoadarkrasp,“IpromisetocomeashardasI’veeverdonewhenI’mfinallyinsideyou.Butnothere.”
Mythroatworked,thesweettasteofhappinessandpossibilitymakingmylipsturnup.Ibitbackonthesmile.“Presumptuousofyoutothinkthatthat’sinthecardsforyou.”
Thatlopsidedgrintookshape.“FoolishofyoutothinkthatI’mnotstillplayingthelonggamehere.”
Myfacefell,myheartjumpingtomythroat.Istaredbackathim,tryingtosquashthehopeinmygut,theneedtodemandthathereallymeanthosewords.“Cam—”
Myphonerang.AndI…Haditdonethatbefore?Iwasvaguelyaware.
Withagrunt,Cameronstretchedhisarmandpulledthedeviceoutofthefrontpocketofthebackpack.
Hehandedittome,andIpickedupthecallwithoutbreakingeyecontactwithhim.
FoolishofyoutothinkthatI’mnotstillplayingthelonggamehere.
Howlong?Iwantedtoask.How—
Josie’svoicecamethroughtheline,butIwassofocusedonCameron’seyes,ontheeruptionofhopeandfearinmychest,thatIwasn’tmakingoutanyofherwords.Notuntilacertainphraseslippedthrough.
“What?”Iblurtedout,snappingrightbackintotherealworld.“Whatdoyoumeanmymotherishere?”CHAPTERTHIRTY
Adalyn
CameronpulledupafewfeetbeforeJosie’sJoint.
Hekilledtheengine,andthesilencethatfilledthecarmadeiteasierformetohearmyheartbeatinginmychest.“I’msosorry,”Iwhispered.
Hispalmfellonmythighagain,heavyandwarm,andmywholebodyawokeatthetouch.Goodnessme,isthiswhatadolescenceshouldhavefeltlike?Thisrestlessness,thissultrywarmthclimbingupanddownmybloodstream,this…horniness.
“Whatareyousorryabout,love?”themanbesidemeasked,likeIdidn’thaveaboutahundredreasonstoapologize.
“Becauseyouorganizedabeautifulnight,andinsteadofgazingatthestars,Isomehowmanagedtobabbleatyou,leaveyousexuallyfrustrated,andgetyoutopickupmymother.”
Heshookoffalaughthatmademeglanceathim.Ugh,hewasreallysohandsomewhenhesmiledlikethat.“IthoughtI’dmademyselfclear…”hesaid,throwinghisdooropen.
Istartedfrowning,butthenmygazewasgluedtohim,hisass,hisshoulders,allofhim,ashewalkedaroundthecarwithconfidentlongstrides.Thiswaspossiblyworsethanbeingsixteen.
Cameronpulledopenthedoorandleanedinside.“Thestarsintheskyarenotgoinganywhere,”hesaid,hisvoicenothingbutalowrumble.“Youdon’tbabble,ever.YousharedsomethingwithmeafterIasked.”Hisheaddipped,hisexpressionturningsevere.“I’mthefurthestthingfromsexuallyfrustrated,”headded,hiseyessweepingdownmyneck,andallthewaytomychestbeforereturningtomymouth.“Ifanything,I’mstarved.”Heclearedhisthroat.“AndI’mcuriousandalittleexcitedtomeetyourmother.”
“Ofcourseyouare,”Imurmured.“Everyoneiscurious,andalittleexcited,whereMaricelaReyesisconcerned.”
“Letitgo,”hesaid,beforekissingmehardandfastonthelips.“Whateverismakingyouworried,makeitdisappear.There’snouseforitnow.”Hetouchedhisforeheadwithmineforaninstant.Justatouch.“I’mhere.”
MythroatcontractedasIlookedupathim.Butthatpartofmethathadbeenalwayswillingtofighthim,tocontradicthim,wasdownforthenight,andprobablywouldbefromnowon,seeingasIwasincapableofresistingCameronCaldanianymore.ThetruthwasthatIlovedwhenhedidthat,whenhestatedthingssocertainly.Itmademefeellighter,lessburdened.Itmademewanttoreleasethecontroltohim,justsohe’dprovetomethatIcould.
Isighed,thenItoldhim,“Leadtheway.”
Hesnatchedmyhandinhisandpulledmeupandoutofthecar.Hedidn’tletgo.Notevenwhenhepushedthedooropenformeandwaitedformetogoinfirst,andnotwhenIscannedtheshockinglycrowdedcaféandfoundmymothersurroundedbyagroupoflaughinglocals.
“Mom?”Iasked,andwhateverCameronhadheardinmyvoicemadehimsqueezemyhand.
Mymother’sheadturned,herwholefacebrighteningwhenshesawme.“Adalyn,miamor.”Shescrambledoutofthechairshe’dbeenelegantlysprawledon.“Excuseme,”shetoldthepeoplearoundherasshemovedtowardus.“Mydaughterishere!”
MaricelaReyeslaunchedherselfatmewithan“Ay,hija.”Andwhenhervoicewavered,mychestdid,too.Ugh.ThiswaswhatI’dbeentryingtoavoidallalong.“Iwassoworriedaboutyou.”Shereleasedmefromthehugbutplantedherhandsonmyshoulders.Hereyesnarrowed.“Haveyoubeensick?Yourcheeksarered,andyourlipslookswollen.”
Myhandflewtomymouth.Oritwouldhave,ifithadn’tbeenheldbyCameron.
Maricelatsked,lookingmeupanddown.“Yourfatherwouldn’ttellmewhereyouare,canyoubelievethat?”Ashakeofherhead.“Alwayswithhislittlesecrets,butthat’snotnew.Buttodothistomyowndaughter,asifyouwereoneofhischesspieces.Ay,no.”Shelookedbackoverhershoulder.“Josie,sweetheart?Canyoubringsomewaterformydaughter?Shelooksabouttofaint.”Hergazeshiftedtomyright.Hereyesnarrowed.“Maybetwoglassesinsteadofone?”
“I’m—”Cameronstarted,makingmenoticeIhadn’tintroducedhim.
“Cam,”mymotherfinishedforhim.“CoachCam.I’veheardaboutyou.Justnow.Youtookmydaughterintothewoods.Atnight.”
Camerondidn’twince.Instead,Ifelthisthumbswipingoverthebackofmyhand.“That’stheone,yes.”
“Well,Cam,”mymothersaid,archingherbrows.“Ihopeyouwereuptonogood.Becausemydaughterneedsalittle—”
“Mami,”Iwarned.
MaricelaReyesrolledhereyesjustasJosiepoppedoverhershoulderwiththetwoglassesofwater.“Thankyou,Josie.Youwereright,Ilikethemtogether.They’reevenwearingmatchingoutfitsandI’veneverseenmydaughterinmountainboots,letmetellyouthatmuch.”
Cameron’sheadcamedown,andhewhispered,“Ilikeher.”
“Ofcourseyoudo,”Imuttered.
Cameronwasobviouslyhappyaboutherpraiseforthestupidbootsbutalso,whowouldn’tlikebeautifulandfunMaricelaReyes?
“Whatareyoutwowhisperingabout?”mymothersaid,holdingthetwoglassesandshovingthemintoourchests.“Drink,”sheordered.“Then,youcantellmewhatyourintentionsarewithmyAdalyn.”
Ispatoutthewater.“Mom.”
“Siempremomthis,motherthat.”Shewavedherhandinfrontofher.“Soytumadre,Isayitlikeitis.Ididn’tgothroughaten-hourbirthtobatthebusharound.”
“Beataroundthebush,”Icorrectedher.
“Ilikebattingbetter,”sheanswered,nonchalantly.“Itcomesfromhuntingtimes,youknow.Ireaditinamagazine,”sheexplained,lookingoveratJosielikeshewashernewbestfriend.Shepulledupherarms.“Theyusedtohitatbushesandtrees,andyouknowwhattheyused?Sticks.Nowwhat’sjustlikeasticktohitonthings?Abat.Nooffense,butsomeofthesethingsyousaydon’tmakesense.”
Josieclickedhertongue.“OhmyGod,shemightberight.”
“I…”Ireleasedadeepbreath,readyingmyselftoaskherwhatintheworldwasshedoinginGreenOak,butacoupleIrecognizedasparentsofoneofthekidsontheteamcameintothecafé,averyenthusiasticnine-year-olddashingrightbehind.
Forthefirsttime,Itookintheinsideofthecafé,noticinghowcrowdeditwasforthistimeintheevening,howloudandexcitedthechatterwas.
IshotJosieaquestioningglance.“What’shappeninghere?”
Sheblinked.“Itoldyouonthephone,”shesaid,butImusthavebeenfrowningatherbecausesheimmediatelyelaborated.“OneoftheteamsleadingtheSixHillswasdisqualified.”Sheclappedherhands,andmyfrowndeepenedevenmore.“AwhistleblowercalledtheCountyGazette,theyapparentlyhadthirteen-year-oldsintheirroster.Everyteaminthestandingsisclimbingupaspot.Sothatmeansthat—”
“TheGreenWarriorsareinthefinal,”Ifinishedforher.
Josiegaveadelightedjump,andIcouldonlyblinkather.
TheGreenWarriorsareinthefinal.
Foraninstant,Iwastoostunnedtospeak.Ormove.
Andthen,Iwasmoving.Justlikethatdayallthoseweeksago,whenI’dturnedmylifeupsidedown.Onlythistime,thedamhadbrokenforacompletelydifferentreason.
IlaunchedmyselfatJosie.Withashockedlaugh,shewrappedherarmsaroundme.Wesqueezedeachother,andwhenIreleasedher,Iturnedonmyheels.
Cameron’seyeswereonme,justlikeI’dknowntheywouldbe,wrinklingatthecornerswithasmile.Ithrewmyselfathim,too.AndwhenIlandedagainsthischest,hisarmswerealreadyopen.Laughterrolledoffhim,anditwasdeepandrichandittraveledrightintomyheart.
Iwashappy.Ecstatic.
“Wemadeit,Coach,”Isaidintohisneck.AndIdidn’tcarethatmymotherwasthere,orJosie,orthewholeteamandhalfthetown.Ididn’tevencarethatthiswasjustsomerecreationalteamwitharosterofkids.Ididn’tevencarethatwehadn’twonanythingyet,orthatIwascelebratingsomeotherteambeingdisqualified.Icouldonlythinkofhowhappymykidswouldbe.HowbigMaría’ssmilewouldbe.Howgoodthiswouldbeforthetown.“Wefreakingmadeit!”
Cameron’smouthcametomyear,andhesaidlow,solowonlyIcouldhear,“Icouldfuckingeatyourightnow.”Whichonlymademegiggle.
“Mira,mira.Look,”Iheardmymothersaywithalaugh.“Theytotallybanged.Doyouthinkthey’repastthesituationshipstage?”
Josie’slaughterreachedmyears.“Isurehopeso,Maricela.”
CameronletoutagruntthatIinterpretedasapromise.
Iextractedmyheadoffhisneck,buthedidn’treleaseme.Iguessedthatthatwasokay,socialcueshadneverbeenhisthing.“Whereintheworlddidyoulearnthat,Mom?”
“IhaveaTickTacknow.”
“TikTok?”
Sherolledhereyes.“Aclockalwaysmadeticktack-ticktack,soifanything,thatnameiswrong.”
OhGod.
Shewasactuallyright.
Cameronpressedhislipstothetopofmyheadbeforeliftingmymother’sgiantsuitcaseandwalkingout.
Mymotherstaredathimasheleft,justlikeIhadbeendoing,andthenturnedtogivemealook.
“What?”Iwhispered.
“No,nada,”shesaid,liftingherhandsintheair.ButIcouldseehersmirk.ShetookoneofthestoolsfromCameron’sislandoutandploppedherselfdown.“Sitdownwithme.”
“Mami,”Iwarnedwithasigh.“Cameronwillbebackinafewminutes,andhe’stakingthecouchtonight.Weshouldprobablycallitanightandhavewhateverconversationyouwanttohavetomorrowmorningwhenweareallrested.”
“Okay,one?”Sheliftedherhandsintheair.“There’snoneedtobecoyaroundme.Youtwocanshareabed.”Flashesfromearliertonightcameback,makingmefeelbreathless.Mymotherclickedhertongue.“Andtwo?Thatmanwillnotbebackuntilyougolookingforhim.Hesaidhewouldgettheroomsreadyforusbuthe’sgivingusspacetotalk.Sosit.”
Icrossedmyarmsovermychest.“But—”
“Ahora,Adalyn.”
Itookoutthestoolwitharollofmyeyes.“Happy?”
“Notreally,”shesaid,herexpressionserious.“Whydidyounotcomebackhomeimmediately?Whywouldyoutakepartinyourfather’sgames?Andmoreimportantly,whydidIhavetobuyMatthewofftoknowwhereyouwere?”
“Whatcouldyoupossiblyofferhimtoratmeoutlikethis?”
Mymothershrugged.“I’llneversay.Amotherdoesn’tbetrayherchildren.AndthatmanislikethesonIneverhad.”
Iopenedmymouthtocomplainbutmymotherarchedherbrows,remindingmeIhadquestionstoanswer.“Thisisnotagame.Ireallymessedup,Mom.There’saconductclauseinmycontract—”
“Youarehisdaughter,”sheinterjected.“Heshouldn’tcareaboutclauses.”
“I’malsohisemployee,”Icountered,feelingthatchesttightnessthatstoppedairgettingtomylungs.“Andhopefully,becauseI’mboth,onedayI’llbetheonehepickstotakeoverforhim.”ThesewerewordsI’dsaidmorethanonce,wordsI’dworkedfor,dedicatedmyselftofulfill,butsomehow…Someway,theynowtastedbitterinmymouth.Iignoredit.“Ineededtofixit.Toshowhimhecouldtrustme.Ialsowantedtohelptheteamaftermy…slip.”
MaricelaReyesshookherhead,makingthosebeautifuldarkwavesmovearoundherface.“There’ssomethingyou’renottellingme.Iknow.”
Iwilledmyfacetoremainstill,myexpressionblank.Icouldn’ttellmymotheraboutDavid,orwhatDadhaddoneoutofsome…senseofresponsibilitythatonlymademefeelsmallandinadequate.Ifmymotherheardaboutanyofthat,whathadhappenedtoSparkleswouldn’tbeanythingincomparisontowhatshewoulddo.ShewouldcatchaflighttoMiamirightnowand—
ThatwasexactlyhowCameronhadreactedtothestory.Tonight.Ithadbeensoclearfromhiswords,hisface,thewayhe’dheldme,everything.He…caredaboutme.Thatmuch.
“YouknowhowmuchIlovemyjob,”Icontinued,alittlebreathless.“Theclub.HowmuchrespectIhaveforwhatDaddoes.”
“You’regettingitallwrong,miamor.”Alongsighleftthroughhernose.“Ilovedyourfather.Istilldo.Idon’tthinkyoucaneverstoplovingyourfirstgreatlove,andhewasthatforme.Buteversinceyouwerelittle,you’vehadhimonthispedestalnobodyelsecanreach.Notevenyou.”
“Isthatsowrong?”Iaskedher,honestly.“Isitsobadtoaspiretobelikehim?Towanttoimpresshim?”
“Idon’tknow.”Sheshookherhead,andIbelievedshegenuinelydidn’t.“Butwhileyou’reonyourwaythere,you’reclimbing,gettinghigherandhigher,andI’mscaredyou’llfall.I’mscaredhe’lldosomethingtoshatterallthatfaithyouhaveinhim.”
Ifelttheballinmystomachshift.He’dtestedthatfaith,hadn’the?Butthen,he’dalsosuccumbedtoDavid’sdemandstoprotectourrelationship.Tosparemetheheartbreakafterlearninghe’daskedDavidtomarryme.Andthatmeantsomething.Ithadto.
“Yourfatherisagoodman,”shecontinued.“Ormaybehewas,onceuponatime.Nowhe’stoowrappedupinhisowngreatness.Hebelievesthateveryonearoundhimisathisdisposal,forhisownplotsandschemes.”Herhandswentupintheair,andshespreadandwiggledherfingers.“Hebelieveshe’sthepuppetmaster.”
“Onedoesn’tgetwhereheiswithoutthatkindofscheming.”
“Iwouldn’tknow.”Sheavertedhergazeforaninstant,andwheneyesasbrownasminereturnedtomyface,Iknewmymotherwasabouttotellmesomethingsheneverhadbefore.“Idon’tlikethatyou’vekeptthingsfromme.Notwhenyourfatherhas,too.Secrets.”
“I’msorry,Mami.”Forbetterorworse,Ihadkeptthingsfromher.“DeepdownIkeptthisfromyounottoupsetyou.DoyouthinkDadmeanttodothat,too?Withhissecrets?”
“Idon’tthinkso.OtherwiseI’dknowwherehecamefrom,”sheoffered.“There’sablacksmudgecoveringabigpartofhispast.Heletspeoplebelievehe’sfromMiami,buthe’snot.”Ashakeofherhead.“Ifoundoutfromtheletters.”
“Theletters?”
“RightbeforeIdiscoveredIwaspregnantwithyou,Ifoundastackoflettersinhisdesk.AndIwasn’tsnooping.”SherolledhereyesatmebeforeImadetheremark.“Theywereallfromawoman,addressedtohimpersonally,andwhenIaskedhimaboutthem,hewentpaleasaghostandmumbledsomethingabouthischildhood.That’showIknew.Youknowyourfatherdoesn’tshakeupeasily.”
“Washe—”
“Cheating?”shefinishedforme.“No.Hesworeitwasn’tthat,andIbelievedhim.”Afingertappedthesideofherhead.“YouknowIcantellwhensomeone’slying.”Shereallycould.“Buthenevertoldmewhatitwasreallyabout.”Herhandreachedoutacrossthetabletop,andwhenshewrappedherfingersaroundmine,Isqueezed.“That’swhyInevermarriedhim.Iamsorryfornotgivingyouanormalfamily,butIcouldn’t.Itwasn’ttheletters,itwashimnottrustingmeenoughtotellmethetruth.Iwasanopenbook,Igavehimmyall.Andhimkeepingfrommethethingsthatmadehimthemanhewas…ItshowedmethatIwasneveranequaltohim.”
“You’venevertoldmeanyofthis,”Isaid,barelymanagingtosuppresstheemotioninmyvoice.“Andyou’remyfamily,okay?”DidmymotherreallybelieveIblamedherfornotmarryingmydad?Thatourfamilywasn’tnormal?“YouwereallthefamilyIneededgrowingup.”Iclearedmythroat.“Andlet’sfaceit,youmakeanyroom,anyhouse,feellikeit’sfullofpeople.”
Thathadbeenmeanttobeajoke,butGod,itwasnothingbutthetruth.
Mymothersmiled,andhereyesbegantowater.“Loveisafunnygame,miamor.Therearenorules,andnomatterhowhardyoutrytowin,onewayoranother,yourheartisalwaysontheline.”Ashakybreathlefther.“I’msorryInevertoldyouthis.Ineverwantedtochangethewayyoulookedathim.”
Iclaspedherhandsinmine.Andthoughtofherwords,ofhowtruetheyranginmyhead.Howheartbreakingitmusthavebeenforhertoknowshewaspregnantandhadtosharealifewithamanshelovedbutwhodidn’tloveherbackenoughtotrusther.
Sheshookherhead.“So,speakingoflove,areyougoingtofinallyexplaintomewhyyou’relivingwithaman?”Awinkwasthrownmyway,andluckily,Iwasn’tgivenanopportunitytospeak.“Iwon’tcomplain,though.ThisCameronissohandsome.Andtall.Oh,howtallheis.”Shearchedherbrows.“Iwouldalsobethecouldpickbothofusupandnotbreakasweat.AndthosetattoosI’vejustseenonhisarm?”Herlipspursedwithmischief.“Doeshehavemo—”
“Mami,no.”IwasnotgoingtodiscussCameron’spossiblyhiddentattooswithmymother.
“You’renofun,”shesaidwithashrug.“Thentellmeifhe’sthereasonyoudidn’tgobacktoMiami.Doeshetreatyoulikeyoudeserve?”
Mywholefaceflushedallshadesofred.“He…”Itrailedoff,suddenlylostforwords.DoeshetreatmelikeIdeserve?Myheartpoundedinmychestwiththeanswer.“Yes.Hetreatsmelikenooneeverhas.”
Mymotherblinkedonce,twice,threetimes.Andtomyuttershock,shebrokeintolaughter.“Diosmío,hija.”
Ifeltthetipsofmyearsburn.
“I’veneverseenyoulikethis.”Shepattedherchest,onelastchucklerollingoffherbeforeshesoberedup.Shepinnedmewithaseriouslook.“Youhaveitjustasbad.”
“Justasbad?”
“Ashim,miamor.”Shejumpedoffthestoolandcametostandinfrontofme.Shecuppedmycheeks.“I’vebeenintownfortwohours,andeverysinglesecondofthetimehe’sbeeninfrontofme,he’sbeenlookingatyoulikeyou’reunpastelitohewantstoeat.”Sheloweredhervoicetoawhisper.“Iwasjokingaboutthebangingearlier.Iwantedtoseeifhe’dreactinawayIdidn’tlike.”Myeyeswidenedwithhorror.“Don’tworry,hepassedmytest.Now,really,haveyoukissedhimyet?”Myjawfelltothefloor.“Yeah.That’swhatIthought.”
Cameron’swordsechoedinmyhead,Icouldfuckingeatyourightnow.Thenthememoryofhislipsagainstmine.Hishands,alloverme.ThewayI’d—No.Icouldn’tthinkofthatwithmymother,apparentlyawitch,here.
“Ilikeyoulikethis,”shesaid,sosoftlyIbarelyheardher.“You’reshining.”
Showmehowfuckingbrightyouburn.
Myheartleapedinmyribcage,andachuckleleftmymother’slipsbeforeshewrappedherarmsaroundme,envelopingmeinMaricelaReyes’stightesthug.“ThisisallIwanted.Makingsurethatyouwereokay.NowthatIknowthat,Iwillbehereforjustthenight.”Shesighed,butitwasn’tsad.“IknowthatmanisnotgoingtotouchyouaslongasI’mhereand,hija,youneedtoget—”
“Mom.Jesus,pleasestop,”Ibegged.Butthistime,itwaswithalaugh.
Andtohercredit,shedidstop.Althoughnotwithouttellingme,“Idon’tthinkwewanttobringJesusintothisparticularconversation,mireina.”
Icouldn’tsleep.
Therewastoomuchnoiseinmyhead.Myconversationwithmymotherhadleftme…unsettledinbothnegativeandpositiveways.Forone,IfeltlikeIunderstoodher,nowmorethanever.AndIwishedwe’dtalkedaboutthisbefore.ThatIwouldn’thaveshutherdownsomanytimesinthepastandhadgivenherthechancetotellmethesethings.Ialsofeltbadfornottakinghersidemore.Horrible.Guilty,forallowingmyfathertoclaimhecaredaboutherwhenhecouldneverbackupthosewordswithactions.
Itwasn’ttheonlyreasonIfeltrestless.Therewasthisconstanthumatthebackofmyhead.OnethathadbeenthereeversinceI’dmetCameron.Growinglouderwitheverydaythatpassed.Witheverysecondspentinthisrollercoasterourrelationshiphadbeen.Ahumthathadshiftedtonight.AhumthatbatteditswingswhenIthoughtofeverydayprecedingthisnight.OrthewayIfeltwithhim.OrhowI’dneverbeenlookedatlikehelookedatme.Evenatthebeginning,whenwe’dclashed,disagreed,andbickered,I’dneverfeltinvisiblewhenithadbeenhiminfrontofme.He’dalways,alwaysgivenmehisfullattention.Forbetterorworse.
Andnow…nowIwantedmore.Iwantedmorethanjusthisattention.IwantedtofeellikeI’dfelttonight.Seen.Connected.Nottosomeone,buttohim.Cameron.
Withoutreallyknowinghow,IrolledoffCameron’slargebed,andmybarefeetpaddedoverthehardwood.Imadeittothelivingroomandimmediatelyzeroedinonhisshape.
Heoccupiedmostofthecouch,andtheblanketthathadoncecoveredhimwasbunchedupathiswaist.Theurgetogotohimdoubled.Theneedtowrapmyselfaroundhimandcoverusboth.Itwasn’tasexualthing,eventhoughIknewthemomentItouchedhim,mybloodwouldonceagainswirlwithneed.No,thiswassomethingelse.
Iwalkedtothecouch.Therewasbarelyanyspacebyhisside,butIdidn’tcare.Ifeltvulnerable,asifI’dbeentorninsideout,myrawestpartsondisplay.Isetakneebyhiship,andslowlycurledbesidehim.
Agruntlefthisthroat,andinaswift,smoothmotion,hisarmswerearoundmeandhewasonhisside.Helookeddown,eyeshalf-open,andpulledmeintohischest.
“Hi,”Iwhispered.
Hehummed,andIfeltthesoundagainstmybellyandbreasts.“Can’tsleep?”
Igavehimasmallshakeofthehead.Withoutaword,Imovedmyhands,reachingthehemofhissleepingshirt.Notbreakingeyecontact,Islippedmyfingersunderit.Isetmypalmsagainsthissmoothandhardskin,lettingthewarmthtravelupmyarmsanddownmyspine.
Cameronletoutashakyexhale.“Love,”hesaid,andIknewitwasawarning.
“Ijustneedtotouchyou,”Iconfessed,movingmyhandsup,pressingthetipsofmyfingersintohisskin.“Ineedtofeelyouclose.”Hiseyesdarkened,andhismouthpressedintoaline.Hewaslookingatmesoseriously.Sostern.Asifmypleawasalife-changingevent.“Iwantyouascloseasanyonehaseverbeen.”
Hisarmstightenedaroundme,andhepulledmeclose,muchcloser,lodgingmeintohisbodyandtrappingmethere.Icouldfeelhisheart,poundinginhischest.“Better?”
Inoddedandclosedmyeyes,revelinginthefeeling.“Canyoutouchme,too?”
Agrowlfelloutofhislips,andIknewitwascostinghimpartofhisrestraint,buthecomplied.Ofcoursehedid.Cameronpulledtheblanketoverus,andonlythen,movedhishandsbeneaththeonlythingIworeovermyunderwear—oneofhisshirts—andhewrinkleditupwithhiswristashispalmstraveledupmyback.
Ishiftedagainsthim,feelinghimgrowinghardagainstmybelly.Ashallowbreathleftmypartedlips.AndbeforeIcouldmoveagain,Cameronstilledmybodyagainsthis.
“Cameron?”Iwhispered.“CanIaskyousomething?”
“Don’taskmetofuckyou,love,”hesaid,hisvoicenothingmorethanarasp.“BecauseIwill.”
Abreathylaughfelloffmylips.“Iwouldlovenothingmore,”Itoldhim,meaningeveryword.Andhemusthavebeenshockedbymyadmissionbecausehisbodyfrozebeneathmine.Justforasecond.Then,itresumedwithashake,andIcouldfeelhisbloodpulsingundermytouch,hisneedgrowingwithmine.“ButIknowitwouldn’tbefairwithmymotheracrossthatwall.Iknow…”
Mythroatworkedwiththeunfinishedthought.
ButIknew—felt,deepinsideofme,basedontonight,andbasedonaninstinctiveandintrinsicpartofmyselfthatonlyansweredtohim—thatsexwithCameronwouldn’tbejustaquickandsilentaffair.Itwouldn’tbesomethingI’dliketodowithmymotherontheothersideofthewall.
“Hmm,”Imurmured.“Onasecondthought,maybeweshouldputmymotherinSweetHeavenCottage.”
“It’snotacottage,”hegruntedquickly.Ifrownedbutherearrangedme,thrustingoneofhiskneesbetweenmineanddistractingme.“Andthatweyousaidlikenothing?”Apause.“Itallbutkilledme.Soaskmeyourquestion.”
“DoyouthinkI’malittlelikeher?”Ashallowbreathleftmylips,andCameronwaited,asifheknewthatwasn’twhatIactuallywantedtoask.“OrdoIfadeawaybesideher?AmInotalittleblack-and-whiteandcoldanddull?”
We’dalwaysbeensodifferent,sheandI,andsometimes…SometimesI’dwonderedifIcouldn’tbealittlemorelikeher.Now,Ialsowonderedifmyfatherhadseenmebeforethatvideoatall.Iftheworldhad.IfCameronreallydid.
HenudgedhisforeheadagainstmineuntilIlookedathim.Hiseyesweresobright,soopenandfullofrawhonesty,thatitmademypulsewaver.“YouareallIcansee,”hetoldme,hiswordsfallingrightonmylips.“EvenwhenIclosemyeyes,you’reallIsee.”
Itwasmyturntohumagainsthisskin,justsoIwouldtametheuproarinmyribcage.Healwaysdidthat.AlwaysgavemetheseperfectanswersIalmostcouldn’tbelieve.“Cameron?”
“Yes,love?”
Myquestionwasnothingbutawhisper.“Tellmeasecret.Somethingnooneknows.”
Ifhewassurprisedbymywords,hedidn’tsayordoanythingtoshowme.Allhedidwasbringoneofhishandshigher,untilitrestedagainstthebackofmyneck.“Iwassoscared,”hesaid,andIknewwhathewastalkingabout.Hegentlybroughtmyheadagainsthischest,offeringhimselfasapillow.AskingmeforacomfortI’dneverdeny.“I’mstillterrified.”Icountedhisheartbeats—one,two,three,five,ten—undermycheek,wishingIcouldstaythereforever.Everynight.Untiltheendoftime.“IneverdatedJasmineHill.ThatwasallLiam,myagent.Hesetmeup,andIsatthroughdinnernottoberude.Themediablewitoutofproportion,butIhaven’tbeenwithanyonesincecomingtotheUS.”
Weremainedinsilenceforanothermoment,andIwassobusyrestrainingmyselfafterhislastconfessionthatIalmostmissedhisnextwords.
“Thelodgeisminenow,”hesaid,andIstilled.“Itwasn’teasy,butIclosedonthepurchaseofLazyElkthismorning.”
Myhearttripped.Thenstartedpoundingatdouble,triple,quadruplepace.
“What?”Iwhispered.ButwhatIwantedtoaskwaswhy?
Cameronseemedtounderstand.“I’mnotshywhenIwantsomething.AndI’mnotshywithmymoney,either.Iworkedhardforit.”Hisvoiceturnedlighter.Confident.CockyinawayonlyCameronmadework.“Thatcottageiscomingdown.I’llbuildyousomethingelse.”
I…wantedtolethim.Iwantedtheimplicationsofallofthat,too.Theymademehappy.ThehappiestI’dbeeninalongtime.AndahandfulofotheremotionsIdidn’tthinkI’dbeabletohandleifIwasn’tinhisarms.“That’smorethanonesecret,”Itoldhim.“AndIonlyaskedforone.”
Timetickedbywithoutawordbeingsaid,andIwassowarm,socomfortable,sosafe,tuckedagainstCameron’sbody,thatIstartedtippingintodarkness.Halfhereandhalfnot.So,whenhespokeagain,Ibroughthiswordswithme.Intomydreams.“I’llalwaysgiveyoumorethanwhatyouaskfor,love.Evenwhenyoudon’tknowwhatyouwant.”CHAPTERTHIRTY-ONE
Cameron
IlookedatTonyfromthesidelines.
Hestoodonthemidfieldline,surroundedbyanenthralledgroupofnine-year-oldsblinkingathimlikehe’dhungboththemoonandthestarsinthesky.
Ismirked.Hewasagoodyoungman,andyoucouldtellhe’dlovedthegameforalongtime.Ithadtakenhimsometimetogetusedtothelooksthekidsgavehim—starryexceptforJuniper,whowassternandcautious—buthe’dmanagedtochannelthatattentionintowork.
Thefirsthalfoftoday’spracticehadbeenintense.We’dmovedpastsimpleexerciseslike“protectthecone”tomoreelaboratedrillsthatrequirethingslikequalitypasses.Ithadn’tbeeneasy,butthegirls’enthusiasmhadbeenunmatched.EvenJuniper,whoI’dtakenasideandpersonallyworkedwithonherkeeper’sskills,hadbeenhappytomovefrombasicfootworkanddivingtoalittlefunsliding.We’dbothgottendirtybutit’dbeenworthit.She’dbeenfantasticatit.
Icouldthinkofacertainmanagerwho’dbeenveryhappyaboutthegirls’evolution.Ieyedwhathadbeennothingbutashedweeksago,wonderingwhatthewomaninsidewasdoing.Wasshewarmenoughinthere?Octoberwasgrowingchillierbytheday,andeventhoughI’dgottenoneofthoseelectricheatersfromMoe’s,itstillwascoldashelloutside.OrlikeMoehadsaid,Asscrackcold
PullingmyphoneoutofthepocketofthehoodieI’dgrabbedtoday,Icheckedthescreen.ImightstillcatchLiamifIranghimnow.Afterthat,I’dgocheckonAdalyn.
Itappedonhisnameandbroughtthedevicetomyear.
“HellmusthavebrokenlooseifCameronCaldanihimselfiscallingme.”
Isighed.“AndlookwhatIgetforit.”Ididn’twaitforhisretort.“Ihavequestions.Aboutyouremail.”
“Wowzers.Straighttothepoint,areyou?”Heletoutachuckle.“Okay,shoot.”
“YousaidtheMiamiFlamesweresearchingforanewsportingdirector,”Isaid,makingsuremytonewasasneutralaspossible.“Topossiblymakeupforamediasituation.”
“Yeah,”Liamconfirmed.Hechuckled,andIknewexactlywhathewasgoingtosay.“Didyouseethevideo?Thatwomanwasw—”
“Yes.”Thewordwashissedbetweenmyteeth.Iclosedmyeyes,tryingtokeepaholdoftheballofdreadtakingshapeinmygut.“Isawit.OfcourseIdid.Yousaidyoususpectedthereasonwassomethingelse.Unrelatedtothat.”
Asighcamethroughtheline.“Idid.Mycontactsaremostlyinthewest,butIhaveafewearsandeyesonMiami.Butthey…”Hehesitated.“Nothingisconfirmed.It’sjusttalkfornow.Thesituationisunclear.Itallmightberelatedtothemediafiasco,I’mafraid.”
Apairofbig,roundedbrowneyespoppedupinmymind.Asetofbeautifullips.Thewarmthandsoftnessofherhandsonmyskin.“Tellmewhatyouknow.”
Amomentofsilence.“Areyouokay,man?”WhenIdidn’tanswer,Liamclickedhistongue.“Allright.Iheartheteammightchangehands.Soon.Thatcouldexplainwhysomeone’dbepokingaround.Myguess,ofcourse.”
Fuck.Ibroughtahandtomyface,tryingtorubsomeofthegrowingclamminessaway.Anacquisition?Ahandover?Worstthingwas,Adalynmustbeinthedarkaboutthat,otherwiseshewouldhavetoldme.She’dbeonthenextflightout.“Howsureareyouaboutthis?”
“Fornow,it’snothingbutwhispers.”
“Areyoucertain?”
“Yeah,man.”Apause.“Butwhatisthisabout?”
“Canyoufindoutforcertain?Andkeepmeintheloopifyoufindanything?Evenifyouthinkit’sprobablynotimportant.Iwanttoknow.”Ididn’twaitforhisanswer,fullyknowingthatifIasked,hewould.“Thanksforhelpingwiththeotherthing,bytheway.Thelodge.Ididn’tproperlysaythanks.”
Liamlaughed.“Nowyou’rethankingme?Christ,Cameron.”Iheardhimexhalethroughtheline.“Listen,whateverisgoingonwithyou,youneedtosortitout.Sortyourselfoutanddecidewhetheryouwanttofinallyshootyourcareerdead.Just…trytobedonewiththislive,laugh,lovephaseofyoursASAP,yeah?Iwon’tbeplayinghousieswithyouanymore.I’mnotyourPAoryouragent—anylonger—andIhaveshittodo.Somakeupyourmindaboutwhatyourprioritiesare.”
“Iknowwhatmypriorityis,”Isaid,nohesitation.“Saynotoalloffersonthetable.”Andthen,Ihungup.
Athroatwasclearedbymyside.
Iturned,andthatbeautifulhalfsmileIwasquicklybecomingaddictedtowelcomedme.SomethingrightbetweenmychestandguttightenedwithaclarityIhadn’tfeltforalongtime.
“Takingalittlebreak,Coach?”
Mylipstwitchedathertone,andItriedmyhardesttopushasidetheinformationI’djustlearnt.ButIwouldn’tworryAdalynoversomethingIwasn’tsureof.ThatwouldsidetrackherandquashthehopeandexcitementabouttheGreenWarriorsIcouldseebubblinginherwithmyowntwoeyes.Iwantednothingbuttoprotectthiswomanfromanypossibleheartbreakorhit.SoI’dhaveLiamfindoutabouteverypossibleangle,andonlythen,onlywhenIknewforsure,I’dtakehermyselftoMiamianddemandanexplanationfromherfather.We’dgetthroughittogether.Untilthen,shedeservedtoenjoytoday,tonight’spregamedinner,andtomorrow’sgame.Winorlose,I’ddoanythingtogiveheratasteofthehappinessIcouldprovideforher.
“Areyouokay?”sheasked,frowning.
Isquaredmyshoulders.Ipushedallofthatasideandrefocusedonwhatwasinfrontofme.Ontoday.“Idon’tknow,boss.”Igaveheraveryobviousonce-over.“Youtellme.AmIintrouble?”
Herlipspursed,andtheflushinhercheekstoldmeeverythingIneededtoknow.“Youmightbe.”Hervoicewaveredwithbarelycontaineddesire.“NowthatIcaughtyoudelegatingyourresponsibilitiestoTony,andthere’reonlyafewminutesleftofpractice,there’ssomethingIneedtodiscusswithyou.”Herthroatworked.“CanIseeyouinmyoffice?”Sheliftedherchin.“Now.”
Iwasn’tgoingtolie,Igrewharderinmyjoggersatthebossytone.Icrossedthedistancethatseparatedusandtoweredoverheruntilshehadtoleanherheadback.Mygazedippedtohermouth.“Leadtheway.”Ilickedmylips.“MissReyes.”
Iwaiteduntilshemovedfirst.SelfishbastardthatIwas,IdiditsoIcouldwatchherassinthatpairofjeansasshewalked.Thewayherhairmovedoverhershouldersandherhipsswayedwitheverydeterminedstep.Boy.Ireallywasstarvedforher.
Oncewewereinsidethecleanbutcrampedspace,Iclosedthedoorbehindmeandwatchedherturnaroundtofaceme.Hercheeksflushed,andsheleanedontheedgeofherdesk.
“Canyou,um,closethedoor?”Apause.“Coach?”
Itiltedmyhead,bitingbackasmile.ThedoorwasalreadyclosedbutIdidn’tsayanythingandgavehernod.Ilovedthatshewasthisdiscombobulated.IlovedthatImadeherlikethat.ItwashowIfeltmostofthetime.Mygazedippedtoherchest,waist,legs,thenupagain,tothatbeautifulfacethatwastellingmeshewastryingtoworkthroughsomethinginherhead.Somethingthatwassendinghertongueouttolickherlips.
Practicewouldbewrappingupanyminutenow,andI’dneverbeenmoregladtohaveTonyoutonthegrass.Imovedmyhandbehindmybackandshiftedthelockintoplace.
“I…”Adalynwhispered.“You…”Shewettedherlipsagain,fumblingwithherhands.“You’renotintrouble,actually.Ormaybe,youare.Iguessthatdepends.”
Ifrownedathernervousness,andIhadtostopmyselffromblurtingoutsomebullshitlikeyoulookbeautifulwhenyourbrowsfurrowinthought.Iwalkeduptoher.Myhandsflexedwiththeurgetotouchher,butIstilledthemagainstmysidesandwaited.Encouraginghertosaywhatevershewantedtosaywithanodofmyhead.
“I…”shestartedagain,hervoicesoft.“Iwantedtoofficiallythankyou.”Shespreadherarmsbrieflybeforelettingthemfall.“Forthis.Forlastnight.Foreverysinglethingyou’vedoneforme.I’m…”Hertonguecameout,wettingherlips.“Idon’tknowwhatI’vedonetodeserveit,butI’mverygratefulforyourthoughtfulness.”Herhandlifted,andIwatcheditcrossthesmallspacebetweenusandlandsoftlyonmychest.Mygazereturnedtohers.“AndIwanttoshowyouhowmuch.”
Thatpalmpressedontome,guidingmebackandaroundthedesk.
Iofferednoresistance.Iwent.
Whenthebackofmylegshitherofficechair,herotherhandjoinedmychest.Shetrailedthemup,allthewaytomyshoulders.Shepushedmedown.“Sit,”shesaid,softly.SosoftlythatIwantedtogotowardherinstead.ButIfloppedmybodyontothechair,fascinated,enthralled,bythedeterminationinhereyes.Theanticipationpartingherlips.Whatabeautiful,bravewomanshewas.Mychesthurtjustbylookingather.
Adalynstoodrightinfrontofme,onesinglestepaway.Herhandswenttothezipperofherjacket.Sheshruggeditoff.Herchestheavedwitharoughbreath,makingthefabricofherblousepressagainstherskin.Thelineoftinybuttonskeepingittogethertensed.AndIcouldonlythink,Thatgoddamnblouse.Iwanttoripitopenwithmyteeth.
Myhandsflewtothearmsofthechair,fingerslatchingontightjustsoIwouldn’treachforher.
Adalynwalkedintomyopenlegs,hergazeroamingallovermyface.Untilhereyestippeddown.Low.Allmybloodswirledinthatdirection.IfshedidwhatIthought—hoped,craved—shewould,allmyrestraintwouldleaveme.Goneinaninstant.Iknew.“Adalyn.”Hernamedroppedoffmylips.“Darling,I—”
Shebracedbothhandsonmythighsandkneeled.
Myeyesclosed,acurseleavingmypartedlips.
Ifeltherhandstrailupmylegs,hertouchgentlebutdetermined,sendingmorebloodstraighttomydick.Makingmepulsewithanticipation.
“Adalyn,”Irepeated,asaprayermorethanawarningthistime.Iopenedmyeyestoher,staringatthegrowingbulgetentingmytrackpants.Fuck.Iwassohard,andshehadn’teven…“Areyougoingtotouchme,love?”Iaskedher,hearingmyvoicecrack.
Adalynbitherbottomlip.Inthought.Lust.Shegavemeaquicknod,buttookhertimetomoveherhands.Igroaned,impatient,thesoundmakinghersmile.Herpalmsfinallymoved,andsheslippedherfingersunderthebottomhemofmyhoodie.Shelatchedontothewaistbandofmypants.
Shetugged.
“Tellme,”Itoldher,hearingmyvoicecrackwithneed.God,Iwantedher.Now.I’vewantedherfordaysnow.Weeks.“Tellmewhatyou’lldotomeandI’llliftmyhips.”
“I…”Shelookedup,meetingmygaze.Goodgrief.Stunning,incrediblewoman,kneelingbetweenmylegs.“Iwanttobesexy.Tobeseenlikethis,byyou.I’vebeenplanningthismomentalldayinmyhead.Iwanttopullthesedownand…”Hereyelidsflutteredclosedforabriefsecond.“Takeyouinmymouth.Iwanttomakeyoufeellikeyoumademefeelthatnight.ButI—”Sheshookherhead.“I’mlosingmynerve.Idon’tknowhowtobeinchargeinthisscenario.I’dmuchratheryou…”
Shedidn’tneedtofinishthatstatement.
Ilookedintohereyesonemoresecond,baringallmyneed,lettingitouttoplayonmyface.“Takemeout,”Itoldher,mywordsnothingbutasnarl.“You’resafetoshowmewhatyouwanttodo,butI’llhelp.”Hergazedippeddown,andIliftedmyhips.Thelargeoutlineofmydickpressedagainstthefabric.“Fuck,”Iraspedatthesight.Adalyn’sgrasponthewaistbandtightenedbutshedidn’tmoveherhands.“I’veneverbeenthishardinmylife,love.Willyoudosomethingaboutit?”
BreathcaughtinAdalyn’sthroatandherhandsmoved,hoveringintheairforasecond.Hesitant.Tellingmeshewantedmetoguideherthroughthis.Toencourageher.To—herfingersgrazedmethroughthefabricofthejoggers.Igroaned.Deepandgutturalandfullofneed.
Shefinallypulledthepantsdown,freeingmeofoneofthetwolayersseparatingherfromme.
IknewexactlyhowlongI’dlastonthischair.
“Youhavetwominutestoplaywithme,”Itoldher,unabletostopmyhipsfromthrustingupintohergrip.Herhandgraspedmycockinresponse,givingmeoneslowstrokethroughthefabric.Itwasn’tenough.“Boxers,”Igrowled.“Now,please.”
Inonemotion,myunderwearwasdownandmydickwasspringingfreebeforerestingagainstmystomach.
“I’vebeenthinkingofthis,”Adalynsaid,hersoftconfessionbringingmebacktoearthforaninstant.Somethinginsideofmeyieldedatherwords.Hergazemetmine.“IthinkI’vewantedyouforalongtimenow,Cameron.”
Thearmsofthechaircreakedunderthetighteninggripofmyhands.“Strokeme,then.”Iexpelledalltheairinmylungsthroughmynose.“Suckmeorlickmeortorturemeanywayyouwant.Doitnow,beforeIbreak.”
Curiositymixedinwithneedinthebrownofhereyes,spurringmyowndesireon.AndbeforeIknewwhatwashittingme,herpalmswerearoundmycock,skinagainstskin,andshewasgivingmeonehardstroke.
Myeyesfellshut,mywholebodyjumpingonthechair.“Harder,”Itoldher.Demanded.Begged.Adalyncomplied,bothhandsengulfingmeagain.Movingheadtoroot.“Justlikethat,”Iencouragedher.Shestrokedmeagain.“Makemebeg,darling.Makemehurtformore.”
Isensedhermovebetweenmylegs,comingcloser,leaningfurtherintome,andwhenherstrokesceased,Iknewwhatwasgoingtocome.Myeyesopened,zeroinginonthatbeautifulmouthofhersasitclosedaroundmycock.
Fuck.JesusChrist.God.I’dneverprayedthishardinmylifebutChrist.I’dveneratehermouth.Thiswoman.Herheart.Myhipsthrustupward,pushingfurtherintohermouth.AdalynmoanedaroundmeandI—Icouldn’tbegentle,Iwasonmybreakingpoint.Iwasgoingtoburst.“Threesucks,”Igrittedbetweenmyteeth.“That’sallyouget.”
Adalynmovedherheadupanddownasecondtime,andwhenamoanclimbedupherthroatandfellagainstmydicksomethinginmesnapped.
“Ilied,”Isaid,myhandsmovedtoherhead,andIgentlybutfirmlyliftedheroffme.Herlipswerecherryredandhercheeksblushedwiththemostbeautifulpinktodate.“Stunning,beautiful,gorgeouswoman,”Imurmured,makingherlookatmeinawaysheneverhadbefore.Myheartracedinmychest,drummingalongthepulsemakingmybloodthrum.“Youwin,love.Youdo.Youhave.”
Beforeshecouldsayaword,Isnatchedherwrists,andpulledusbothup.Then,Iswirledheraround.
“Handsonthedesk,”Itoldher,myvoicebarelyagrowl.Shecomplied,andwhenherpalmshitthewoodensurface,Imovedoverher.“That’sagoodgirl,”Isaidagainstherear.“Thisisgoingtobefast.”
“Idon’twantfast,”sheallbutwhimpered.Myhandsmovedtoherfront,myfingersclosingaroundthefabricofherblouse.“Iwant…Iwant…”
“Thisfuckingthinghasbeendrivingmeinsane,”Iconfessed,pullingatthefistsofsilkymaterial.“Ithassnuckintomydreams,”Iwhisperedagainsttheskinofthebackofherneck.“That’showmuchI’vewantedtoripallthesebuttonsoff.HowmuchI’vethoughtofwhatyouhideunderneath.”
Thosebeautifulbreasts.Thatsmoothskin.Thatpreciousheart.
Herbodyshookundermine,andherhipspushedback,herasspressingagainstmyhardlength.“Yes.Toallofthat.”
Ipulledherblouseapart,makingthosetinybuttonsburstandfly.“Fuck.Fuck.”Withoutlosingasinglesecond,Ibroughtherbodytomine,archingherback,justsoIcouldhaveagoddamnlookather.Glorious,beautifullacecoveredherbreasts.Lavender.“Myfantasiesdidn’tliveuptothis.Towhatastunningwomanyouare.”
“Cameron?”Mynametoppledoffherlipsinawhine.Butmyhandswerebusymovingup,mypalmstrailingoverherskin,fingersreachingherbreastsandclosingpossessivelyaroundthem.Hereyesflutteredclosed.“Makeusfeelgood.”
Us.
Iwastippedovertheedge.
Anincomprehensiblesoundleftmymouth,andIreturnedherhandstothedesk,curvingmybodyoverhers.Iunzippedherjeans,pushedmyhandin,andencounteredmoreofthatlace.MakingsureI’dtouchedheronlyoverherpanties—orI’dreallyfuckinglosemymind—Itrailedmyfingersoverherfolds.“MyAdalyn,sowetandperfect.”
Adalynspasmedbeneathme,andmyhipsthrustedagainstherass.
Imovedmyfingers,exertingpressurewhenIreachedthetop,thendrawingcirclesoverherclit.
“Outthere,”Itoldher,bringingmyotherhandtomycockandstrokingmyselfasIstrokedher.“Youcanbossmearound.SaythewordandI’llobey.Youhavemewrappedrightaroundyourfinger.”Ifelthergrowrestlessundermyroughtouch,thefabricofherpantiesnowdrenched.Itunneledintomyfist,helplesslypressingmyhipsintoher.“Butbehindcloseddoors?”Ireleasedusboth,turnedheraroundandallbutshovedherontothedesk.Imovedintoher,fittingmyselfbetweenheropenlegs.“Inhere,”Itoldher,meetinghergaze.Ipumpedmyselfintomyfist,myknucklespressingagainstherfolds.Webothbitbackagroanwhenmycockgrazedherdrenchedpanties.“Inhere,it’smewho’sincharge.”
HerlipspartedwithawhimperthatIknewwasayes.Aplease.Aconfirmation.Agreenlight.AndwhenIresumedmoving,jerkingintoherasIstrokedusboth,herarmsmovedaroundmyneck.
“Cameron,”shesaid,voicebeautifullybroken.
Ipressedmyforeheadtohers,buckingintoher.“Come,love.”Imoved,makingsuremytipwashittingtherightspotwitheverythrust.“ComeandIswear,I’llfuckyousogoodandlongtonight.”
Adalyn’swholebodyspasmed,andIwentrightbehind,spillingalloverherbelly.Shelookeddown,andhergazeturnedashazyandblissedoutasI’deverseen,makingmewanttoripherpantiesoffandsliprightintoher.I’dbehardagaininaminute.I’dbeenpermanentlyhardfordays.
ButIdidn’t.Irestedmyforeheadtohers,andthen,Iwrappedmyarmsaroundherbody,bringinghertome.Icouldn’tstopmyself,Icouldn’thelpit.Iwantedherrightthere.Beneathme,againstme,inmyarms.Iwantedtobeinsidethiswoman,inanywayIcould.
Herlipstouchedthecornerofmymouth,asifshe’dknownexactlywhatIwasthinking,andImoved,takingthemwithahardanddesperatekiss.Itwasn’tenough.Iwantedmore.ButIsteppedback.Withoutaword,Igentlypulledherarmsoutofhernowruinedblouseandcleanedherbellyoffwithit.
Withapressofmylipstohertemple,Ibroughtherdownoffthedeskandbuttonedherjeans.Inanidealworldweweren’tinamakeshiftofficewithbarelyanyheating.Inthatworld,practicehadn’twrappedupandweweren’tsupposedtogohelpsetuptonight’spregamedinner.Instead,Icouldpeeleveryitemofclothingoffherbodyandlickeveryinchofher.Butthiswasn’tanidealworld,soItuckedmyselfintomypantsandmademyselfignorethewayIwasalreadyhardeningagain.
Ishruggedmyhoodieoff.“Armsup,”Itoldher,andwhensheliftedthemintheair,Islippeditoverherhead.
“Whataboutyou?”IheardmuffledagainstthefabricasItuggeditintoplace.
Ipulledherarmsintothesleeves.“Ihaveenoughmemoriesofyoucomingagainstmetokeepmehotforalifetime.”
AdalynletoutasoftsoundItriedmybesttoignore.Shelookedso…minerightthismoment.Ittookmybreathaway.
“Tonight,”Ipromised,nostrilsflaring.
Adalynsmiled,anditwasshyandbeautifulanditmademewanttobeatonmychest.“Tonight.”CHAPTERTHIRTY-TWO
Adalyn
Tonight.
Tonightwasthenight.AndI’dneverfeltmoreunprepared.
Couldsomeonelosetheirvirginityasecondtime?Itwasn’tevenlikeithadbeenthatlongsinceI’dhadsex.Orperhapsitwas.Itallblurredtogethersomehow.EverypastexperiencefadedtograynowthatIknewwhatCameron’stouchfeltlike.
Tonightwasdifferent.
Itfeltlikemore.
Morethanjustsex.Morethanjustwantingsomeone.Morethanphysicalattraction.
Therewasarawneedinsideofmethatwouldn’tstopmakingdemands.IwantedtobeclosetoCameron.Closer.Iwantedtobekissedandtakenandthrownaround.Iwantedhimtolookatmelikehehadearliertoday,whenhisfacehadgoneallsoft.Butalsolikehecouldn’twaittoeatmewhole.Iwantedhimtogivemehisslowsmileandhisfrownandhisheadtiltwhenhewastryingtosneakinsidemyhead.IwantedtomakehimlaughandforhimtocallmelovenotbecauseitwassweetorsexyinthatEnglishgruffness,butbecausenoonehadevercalledmethat,anditfeltrightthatonlyhedid.Butaboveallelse,Iwantedtobewantedbyhim.Craved.Likesomeonecravedthatfeelinginyourchestthatliteverythingelseup.LikeIcravedhim.
Thetouchofhispalmonmythighbroughtmerightback,andwhenIlookedathim,thegreenofhiseyesgavehimaway.
Hecouldn’twaittobolt.He—we—wereonlyherebecauseI’daskedhimtostayalittlelonger.Josiehadthrownagoodluckdinnerforeveryoneontheteamwhowantedtojoin,andmostoftheparentshadturnedup.
“Whysoserious,Coach?”Iasked,thecornersofmylipsbendingupward.“Thisisforgoodluck.Ididn’tpegyouforsomeonewhowoulddisrespectaniceritelikethis.”
Thesmirkthathegavemesentthebloodrushingtomyhead.Heleanedforwardandspokerightagainsttheshellofmyear.“Icanthinkofacoupleofthingswecouldimplementforgoodluck.”Hislipsbrushedmyskin,sendingawaveofshiversdownmyspine.“Ifweleaverightnow.”
Myheartthrottledinmychest.“Ithink…”Iswallowed,wonderinghowstrangeitwouldbeformetojumpintohislaprightnowwithhalfthetownsittingatthetable.“Ithinkthat’ssomethingwecandiscuss.Butwe’renotleavingjustyet.Boss’sorders.”
Hehummedagainstmyskin,andwhenhewithdrewhismouth,hisheaddidn’tgotoofar.
God.MaybeIwasn’tdoingmyselfanyfavors.Howlongweregoodluckdinnerssupposedtolast?
Myphonepingedfromthetable,soIpickeditupandcheckedthenotifications.Mymother.
“Didshemakeitallright?”themanbesidemeaskedwithwhatIknewwasgenuineconcern.
“?‘Drivewasokay,’?”Ireadoutloudforhim.
Hesighed.“Icouldhavedrivenhermyself.Ashevilleisonlyacoupleofhoursaway.”
Imeltedagainsthissideatthereminderofhimoffering,Iwasn’tgoingtolie.“?‘IgaveVincentmyhandle,’?”Icontinuedreading.“?‘He’syoungbutIcouldteachhimafewthings.’?”Apause.“Ohboy.”
“WhowasVincentagain?”
Ilookedupathim.“Josie’sfriend’scousin,Ithink?HehadcometotowntotalksomebusinesswithJosieandwasreturningtoAshevilletoday.”Cameronmutteredsomething,andIplacedmyhandagainsthischeek.“Stopbeingsosweet.I…I’mstrugglingtokeepmyhandsoffyouasitis,Cam.”
Heleanedagainstmytouchwithasigh.“CallmeCamagain.”
Iloweredmyvoice.“Cam.”
Cameronletoutalittlegrumble.“Okay,nowtellme,howamIbeingsweetandwhyshouldIstop?”
“Worryingovermymother,”Ianswered,barelyabletoignoretheroaringinmychest.“It’smakingitreallyhardformetoresistyou.”
Hisheadturned,lipsgrazingtheskinofmypalm,thentraileddowntomywrist.“Whywouldyoueverwanttoresistme?”Henippedatmyskin,wickedlyfast.“It’sfrownedupon.Expertsrecommendnotresistingthingsthataregoodforyou.”
Igiggled.Giggled.
Cameron’seyesshiftedtomine,andwhenhesaidagainstmyskin,“Icouldspendalifetimehearingthatsound.”Ididn’tevenquestionhiswords.Iknewtheyweretrue.
Mychestexpanded.“I—”
Someoneclearedathroatnexttome,andwebothturned.
“Hi,”Mr.Vasquez—Robbie—said,acarefulexpressiononhisface.Maríawasbyhisside,andshenudgedhislegbeforesmilingatme.Herushedout,“I’msorrytointerrupt.”
“That’sokay,”Iassuredhim.AndImeantit.“You’renotinterruptinganything.”
Themanbymysidegruntedasoftcomplaint.
Robbie’seyesshottoCameronbeforereturningtomyface.“Ijustwantedtosaythankyou.Forwhatyou’vedoneforTonyandMaría,andfor…everything.EversinceTonystartedspendingtimewiththeteam,he…hesoundsandlooksmorelikehimself.Ithasmademerealizethathewasspendingtoomuchtimeonthefarm.Workingtoomuchwhenhe’sjustakid.I—”Histhroatworked.“Thanksforgivinghimajobdoingsomethingheloves.”Robbielookeddownathisdaughterwithasmile.“Happy?”
Sheloweredhervoicetoaloudwhisper.“Askherforthetickets.”
Themancursedunderhisbreath.“María—”
“Doit,”sherepeated.“Youtoldmeyouwereaj-wordtoher,soapologize.YoumakemeapologizeallthetimewhenI’mrude,thenit’llbeokaytoask.Tonywillloveit.YouknowhewantstotryoutforthatteaminCharlotte.He’lllosehismind.”
Themanpressedhislipsintoatightlineandsentmeanapologeticlook.“Please,ignore—”
“Consideritdone,”Itoldhim.“Wecantalkaboutdatestomorrowafterthegirls’game.TherewassomethingelseIwantedtoaskyouanyway.Butitcanwait.We’lltalktomorrow.”Robbiestilllookedunsure,soIfelttheneedtoslipintomyoldself.“TheMiamiFlameswillbehappytohaveyouforavisit,Ipromise.”
Cameron’sbodytensedagainstmine.Itwasonlyaninstant,butallthehardmusclesIwasleaningagainstflexedandtightenedwithhisbreath.
Maríaclappedherhands,recallingmyattention.“Yay!”sheexclaimed,throwingherselfatmewithoutwarning.“Celebrationhug,”shesaidagainstmycheek,andIcouldn’thelpit.Isqueezedherinmyarms.Then,asifshewasn’tthinkingaboutit,sheletoutasoft,“Ah.Thisfeelssogood.Weshoulddoitmoreoften.”
Ihuggedhereventighter.
Whenshereleasedme,shewassmiling,andIdidn’tknowwhatmyfacewasdoingbutmychestfeltlikemush.“I’llseeyoutomorrow,MissAdalyn.”Shelookedatthemansittingbymyside.“I’llseeyoutomorrow,too,CoachCampanile.”
Robbiemutteredsomethingunderhisbreath.
Cameronletoutachuckle,bringinghisarmsaroundmyshouldersandpullingmebacktohimagain.
“Oh!”Maríasaid,alreadywalkingawayasshepulledatherdad’shand.“Don’tforgettogiveCoachhisshirt!”Then,shedisappearedaroundthefarendofthelongtable,draggingRobbiealongwithher.
“Whatshirt?”Cameronasked.
Isighed.“Thatwassupposedtobeasurprise.”Ishookmyhead.“It’sbackho—”Istoppedmyself.Ididn’tknowwhy,butIdid.Iclearedmythroat.“BackattheLazyElk.”
Cameronhummed.“Close,”hemurmured,hisarmsnakingaroundmywaist.“It’sokay,love.I’mnotonetogiveupathalftime.”
Cameronunlockedthefrontdoorofthecabinandsteppedtotheside.
Ilookedinside,towardthehallwaythatturnedtotheright,leadingtoCameron’sroom.Rightacrossfromwhathadbeenmine.Myeyelidsflutteredshutforjustaninstant.
Iturnedaround.Facedhim.Blockedhiswayintothecabin.Deepgreeneyesmetmine,andIsaid,“Hi.”
“Hi,”hesaidback.Hislipstwitched,andIthoughthe’dgivemeaslowsmile,whichwoulddazzlemeandperhapsdistractmefrommythoughts.Butinstead,heclenchedhisjaw.Iwatchedhiseyesastheyroamedallovermyface,settlingonmylipsforwhatfeltlikealongtime,butwasjustasecondortwo,andthatgiddiness,thatanticipation,beforeCameronhadbeensouncharacteristicallymine,bubbledupinside.
“What’sonyourmind?”Iaskedhim.
Hebroughthishandtomyface,brushingmycheekwiththebackofhishand.“Severalthings,”heconfessedinthatcalm,sterntone,asifhedidn’tmindIwaskeepingusfromcrossingthethresholdofthedoor.“I’mthinking,thankGod,thatdinnerisfinallyover.”Ismiledatthat,andthepadofhisthumbgrazedmybottomlip.“I’malsothinking,Christ,she’ssobeautifulinthislight.Withthefullmoonshiningsobrightlyoverus.Woulditbetoocornytopointitout?Wouldshelaugh?Iloveherlaugh.”
Mysmilefell,myheartdoingthisweirdthingagainstthewallsofmychest.“ThatwouldbeoneofthemostbeautifulthingsI’veeverbeentold.”Iwrappedmyfingersaroundhiswrist,felthispulseundermythumb.Itwasaquick,hurriedbeat.Washenervous,too?“Iwouldn’tlaugh.Iwouldprobablystallforalongertime.”
“Stall,”herepeatedslowly.“Tellmewhy.”
IopenedmymouthtosaysomethingIsuspectedsoundedalotlike:Becauseit’syou,andit’sme.AndI’veneverfeltlikethis.Buttheanswerthatleftmewas,“It’shardtoexplain.”
Iftoday—thelastdays—hadprovedanything,itwasthatIwasn’taseductress.AndwithCameronIdidn’tmind.It’smewho’sincharge.Hesaidthatearliertoday.Iwantedhimtoofferagain.Totakecharge.I’dneverfeltsafer,freer,thanwhenhetookoverforme.Andyet…thisnervousnessmademewonderanddoubtmyself.WhatcouldIpossiblyhavedonetodeservethis,toearnhimwantingmethismuch.I—
“Tryme,”Cameronsaid.
“I…”Itried,knowingIprobablywouldvoiceitinawayitdidn’tmakesense.“I’vealwaysfeltlikeIneverreallyclickedanywhere.Like,IalwaysneededtomakeabiggerefforttoshoweveryonethatIdeservedtobethere.Andhereyouare.”Ishookmyhead.“Makingmefeellikeyou’dclosethegaptogettome.Like,Idon’tneedtoconvinceyou.You—”
“Fuckhim,”Cameronsaid,bringingmygazetohim.“Fuckthem.Fuckeveryonewhohasmadeyoufeellikeyou’renotwortheverythingyoudeserve.”
Somethinglockedinsideofmychest.Loudly.Soveryclosetomyheart.“Youdon’thaveto—”
Iwasliftedupanddroppedonawideshoulder.
“Nomoreoverthinking,”hesaid,walkingusbothinside.“NomorequestioninghowIfeeltowardyou.Ididn’tsitthroughafullhourofcampfiresongssoyoucouldfindareasontobootmewhenIfinallygetyouhome.”Hisotherhandfelloverthebacksofmyknees,securingmeagainsthim,asifhefearedI’dtrytojumpoutofhisarms.“This,”hesaid,stompingintothelivingroom.“Ihadtorestrainmyselffromtakingyouandthrowingyouovermyshoulderlikethis.Josieisahorriblesinger.”
Iblinkeddownathisback,hisass,hislonglegs,andI…Iburstoutlaughing.
Hecametoastopimmediately,looseningtheviseofhisarm,removingmefromhisshoulder,andplacingmeinfrontofhim.Isteadiedmyselfagainsthischest.
“I’malreadytemptedtodothatagain,”hesaid,hiseyesdancingbetweenmymouthandeyes.Thebeatingofhisheartdrummingagainstmypalms,quickerthanafewmomentsbefore.“Icoulddoiteveryday.Witheverydoor.”
“Itcanbediscussed.”Iwasstillhalflaughing,butwhenCameron’sjawclenchedagain,allofthatlightnessdissolved.“Okay,Ishouldgiveyouyourspoiledsurprise.”
Heopenedhismouth,butIwasalreadysteppingawayfromhimandwhirlingonmyheels.IwalkedtotheguestroomandfishedthegiftoutofthewardrobeI’dhiditin.
WhenIturnedaround,Cameronwasleaningagainsttheframeofhisbedroomdoor,rightacrossfrommine.Iswallowed.Paddedclosertohimwiththepinkbaginmyhands.
Iofferedittohim.
Cameronopeneditandextractedwhatwasinside.Thebagdroppedtoourfeet.Hishandsheldtheshirtintheair.
“?‘Thiscoachkicksmonkeybum,’?”hereadoutloud.Heswallowed.“?‘CoachChamomile,GreenWarriorsofGreenOak.SixHillsLittleLeague,NC.’?”
Myheartraced.“It’ssosilly,”Isaid,hearingmyvoicesoundlowandguarded.“Ihaditmadesothegirlscouldsignittomorrow.”Ashakybreathleftme.“Maríahelpedcomeupwiththefirstpart.”
Cameron’sarmsdropped.HelookedatmewithanemotionIdidn’trecognize.Onethatwasn’tanyoftheonesI’dexpectedtheshirttocause.
“Itwassupposedtobeajoke,”Iexplained.“I…Ithoughtyou’dfinditfunny.”
Amuscleinhisjawjumped.“There’snopressattendingtomorrow’sgame,isthere?”
Mystomachdroppedatmyfeet.“Ofcoursenot.”
“Therehasn’tbeenanypressatanygame.”
Mythroattightened,clogged,andIhadtomakemyselfswallow.“Iwouldneverputyouranonymityorprivacyatrisk.Notafterwhatyoutoldme.”
“Butyouonlyfoundoutaboutthatrecently,”hecountered,takingastepclosertome.“Youchangedyourmindbeforethat.Why?”
Ifeltmyselfshaking.Trembling.“Icouldstillmakeitwork.”
Anotherstep.“AtthecostofyourticketbacktoMiami?”
Mymouthclampedshut.Myheartraced.Myeyesflutteredshut.
Cameron’sfingersbrushedmycheek.“Yesorno,love?”
Imethisgaze,andtherewassomuchinthere,somuchthatmirroredexactlyhowIfelt.Desperate.Needy.FallingsofastandhardIcouldbarelybreathe.“Yes,”Isaid.“Atanycost.Iwasandwillprotectyouatwhateverthecost.”
Hecuppedmyface.“Iseeyou,Adalyn.”Hisotherhandjoined,andtheshirthe’dbeenholdingfelltoourfeet.“Igoddamnseeyou,love.Butyoufinallyopeninguplikethatforme?Itmakesitimpossibleformenottocrackopeninreturn.”
Igraspedhiswrists.“Andhowwouldyoudothat?”
“Treatingthatsideyouhide,”hesaidagainstmymouth.“Iwanttospoilitrotten,justbecauseIcan.Iwanttoburyyouinpillowswhenyou’recoldandcarryyoutomybedinmyarmseverynight.Kissingyouhardwhenwebickerandremindingyoujusthowcrazyyoumakeme.”
AkindofpressureIwasn’tfamiliarwithroseinmychest.Itreachedmyeyes,makingthemsting.AndIwantedtoburst.Reallyburst.Ifeltsohappy,soecstatic,so…fullofthatsomethingIdidn’tthinkIcouldsayoutloud,oreventhink,thatIwantedtoburstopenattheseamsandlethimsee.
Abrokenlaughfelloffmylips,andIdidn’tevenrecognizemyselfwhenIsaid,“You’vejustmademysurpriselookreallybad.”
“Ilovedthesurprise,”hesaidsoftly,sosoftlyitfeltlikeacaress.Hepulledmeintohisbodyandstartedwalkingbackward,pullingusintohisroom.“I’llblamethesurprisewhenIlosecontroltonight.”
Ishookmyhead,asingletearhelplesslycreepingdownmycheek.“Why?”
“BecausenowIknowyou’rehappy,reallyhappy.Andthistear?”headded,pressinghismouthagainstmyskinandtracingthewettrailwithhislips.“It’sproofofhowmuch.”Hetiltedmyheadback,kissingthebrowoftheculpriteye.Hisgazedippeddowntomylips.“Now,IcantakeyourmouthandknowthatyouknowhowIfeel.Thatthisdoesn’tneedtobeearned.Youalreadyowntheright.”
Thistime,itwasn’tCameronwaitingformetocrossthedistanceandkisshim.Hedid.
Camerontookmymouth,partingmylipswithsuchhungerIhadtolinkmyarmsbehindhisneckforsupport.OurtonguesbrushedandIpulledhimtome,briskly,needpulsinginmybelly,ears,limbs,chest,everywhere.Andwithagrowl,hemovedforward,dragginghishandsdownmythroat,shoulders,waist,comingaroundmyhipsandlandingonmyass.Heliftedmeup.
AsifI’ddonethisahundredtimes,Iclosedmylegsaroundhiswaist.Ibracedmyarmsonhisshoulders,pushingmybodyupward,searchingfortherightspot,untilthejunctionofmythighsrubbedrightagainstthehardridgeinhispants.Hischestvibratedwithagrowl,andwhenhecameupforair,thegreenofhiseyesshoneasbrightasI’deverseenacolorshine.Hismouthcamedownagain,notwastingmorethanasecond,andhegrazedthesideofmyneckwithhisteeth.
Ithrewmyheadback,whimpered,andthen,Iwasbeingdroppedonsomethingsoft.Hisbed.
Acloudofhisscentenvelopedme.Thesensationmademychestsofull,sopackedtothebrimwithbliss,thatIsworeIcouldfly.
“Thatsmile”wasallbutgrowledfromthefootofthebed.IlookedoveratCameron.Mylipsdidn’twaver.“Comehere,”hesaid,tuggingatmyfoot.“Ineedthatsmileagainstmymouth.”
HishandswrappedaroundmyanklesandIlethimdragmeallthewaytowherehewas.Iwentuponmykneesandmethisgaze,stillsmiling,stillfeelingsofullImightburst.Icrossedthedistance,pressingmymouthtohis,doingasheasked.
Agroanlefthimandthenhewasgrazinghislipsallovermyface.Sweetbutfirmcaressesthatwentupanddownandleftandright,makingshiversspreadandtwinkledownmyarms.
“I’veneverwantedanyonelikethis,”Iwhisperedagainsthismouth,placingmypalmsonhisshoulders.Oneshortbreathleftme.AndIletmyfingersfalldownhistorso,untilIreachedthehemofoneofhisfleecesthatInowlovedsomuch.Iclosedmyfistsaroundthefabric.“I’veneverfeltthissafe,thischerished,thiswanted,this…”Loved.“Iwantyousobad.”
Cameron’sbodyshook.Withrestraint,withneed,withthatemotionIwassoscaredtovoice?Icouldn’tknow.Ididn’tthinkIcared.NotrightinthatmomentasIfelthishandscomearoundmineandtugup.“Undressme,”hesaidinbarelyarasp.
Ipulleditup,hishandsleavingminetohelpwhenIcouldn’treachallthewayuphisarms.Abeautifulcollageofinkandskinwasrevealedbeforeme.Anewkindofneedreeledin.Theneedtotouch,memorize,brand,andmakehimmine.
“Showme,”hetoldme,pushinghisbodyagainstmyhands.“Showmehowbadyouwantme.”
Deliberatelyslowly,Ipressedmylipstohischest,rightabovehisheart,markedwiththedesignofarose.Icouldfeelhismusclesflexinginresponse.Hisskinwassosmooth,sosolidandhard,andhisheartdrummedbriskly,almosttoofast.Igrazedmyteethoverallthatink,andhishandlandedonthebackofmyneck.
Imovedupward,leavingatrailofopen-mouthedkissesallthewaytothebottomofhisthroat,feelinghisfingersslipintomyhair.Inippedattheskin,alittleharderthistime,andagroancamefromhislips.Itfeltamazingtohavesuchanimposingmancrumblingdownundermytouchlikethat.
Myeyelidsflutteredclosedatthethought,andbeforeIcouldanticipatehisnextmove,hewasbringingusbothdownonthebed.
Hisscentblanketedme,fillingmylungsagain,feelinglikemore.HisweightpressedsosweetlyagainstmethatIcircledmyarmsaroundhisneckandpushedhimdown.Cameronresisted,hishandrightbymyhead.
“I’mgoingtoknockdowneverywallleftstanding,”hesaidagainstmyear,hisotherhandmoving,climbingupmyside,andtakingthefabricofmysweaterandshirtwithit.“AndonceI’minside,”herasped,thepadsofhisthumbsreachingtheundersideofmybreast.Hemovedhisfingersovermybra,roughly,desperately.“I’mgoingtoburymyselfsodeepintoyou”—hebroughtthelacedown,makingmybreasttoppleout—“thatyouwon’tbeabletotellwhereyouendandwhereIstart.”
“Yes,”Iwhispered.“Toallofthat.Yes.Ahundredtimes.”
Adarkchucklelefthiminresponse.Then,hewasliftingmyarmsovermyheadandsecuringthemagainstthecomforter.Hismouthcamedownonmybreast,andmybreathcaught.Ahumvibratedagainstmyskinthen,hewasgrazingmynipplewithhisteeth.Pulling.Tugging.Makingmybackarchoffthebed.
Hedidthesametotheotherone,andIcomplained,feelingrestrained,wantingtotouchhim.Wantingmymouthonhim,too.
Withabriskmotion,theclothesthathadbeenbunchedatthetopofmychestwereoff,togetherwithmybra.Coolairteasedmyskin,andIfeltmyeyelidsflutterclosed,overwhelmedbythesensationofbeingbaredtohim.Ithadn’tbeenalongtimesincesomeonehadseenmelikethis,butthisfeltlikesomuchmorethannakedskin.
Therewasagrowl.Followedbyacurse.
IopenedeyesIhadn’tknownwereclosed,findingCameronstraddlingmyhips,widechestheaving,linesuponlinesofinkswayingwitheverymusclethatflexedintension.
“Icouldlookatyouallnight,”hesaid,hishandsengulfingmysides.“Youdrivememadwithneed.”Hedraggedhisfingersdown,reachingthehemofmyjeans.“Inthebestofpossibleways.”Hisfingersworkedthebuttonundone.“Liftup.”
Idid,nohesitation.AndCamerondidn’twasteasinglesecondinpullingmyjeansdownandoffmylegs,throwingthemonthefloor.
Hebentdownagain,slowlythistime,placingoneopen-mouthedkissagainstmypulse.
“Cameron,”Isaid,begged.Myhandsflyingtothewaistofhispants,hookingaroundthebeltloopsasheleftmorekissesdownmychest,reachingtheswellofmybreasts.Continuingtomynavel.Myhipbone.Ilostmygraspofthewaistbandofhisjeans.“Ineedyouinsideofme.Now.”
Adarkchucklelefthim.“ButIhaven’teventastedyouonmytongue.”
Andjustlikethat,hewasspreadingmylegs,firstwithhishands,thenwithhisshoulders,andatlast,hisheadwasbetweenmythighs.Mybreathinghadlostallsenseofcontrol,anticipationandneedsothickinmybloodthatIsworeIcouldfeelitswirlingwitheveryviolentbeatofmyheart.
Hepressedhismouthagainstthatpulsingbundleofnervescoveredbythefabricofmypanties.Urgency,clearandloud,shotupmybody,drivingacursetofalloffmylips.
Hetrailedhisteethupanddownmyfolds,andIcouldfeelhislipsthroughthefabric,thattrimmedbeardIlovedstirringawakedozensofnerveendings.I’dthoughtitwastoomuch,tooquick,toogood,butthen,heshovedmyunderwearasidewithhisteeth,andrepeatedthemotionwithhislips.Hesucked,histonguethrustinginside,andthat’swhenIsawreal,twinklingstarsbehindmyeyes.Feltthemundermyskin.
Agroanfellagainstmyclit,andthatthumbhe’dteasedmynippleswithjoinedhismouth,drawingcirclesoverthatthrobbingspotthatdemandedrelease.Myheadspun.Mypulseraced.Mywholebodyshook.
Withoutstoppingthosewickedmotionsofhishand,Cameronmovedupmybody,takingbackmymouthandswallowingallthemoanstopplingrightoutofme.
“Openyoureyes,”hedemanded.AndIdid.“Lookatme,”hesaid,asifIcouldlookanywhereelsewhenallthatfiercenessandneedwastwistinghishandsomeface.
Gazeslocked,hewentuponhiskneesandundidhispants,drawingmyeyesdownjustintimetowatchhimpullhimselfout.Heclosedhisfistaroundhishardcockandgavehimselfoneroughstroke.
“Fuck,”hesaidbeforereleasinghisdickandclosingthosestrongfingersaroundthefabricofmypanties.Herippedthemoffme,threwthemasideandteasedmyfoldsandclitagain.
Imoanedlouder,impossiblyso,andthen,whenhebroughtthatexacthandaroundhiscockandstrokedhimselfagain,IthoughtI’dcome.Ididn’tneedmorethanseeinghimcoatinghimselfinme.Ireacheddownwithmyhand,allsenseofcontrollost,andtouchedmyself.
“Mine,”hewarned,snaggingmyhandandcomingdownonme.Hishardandstickylengthfellrightagainstmyclit.“Condom,”heexhaledthewordwithagulpofair.“Ineed—”
“Pill,”Iwhispered.“I’monthepill.Iwantyou.Justyou.I’mclean.Areyou—”
“Yes.”Hisfingerstightenedaroundmywrists,andhebroughtthemovermyheadagain.Cameron’sweightshifted,hishipswedgingintomine,openingmerightup.“Now,”hesaid,positioningtheheadofhiscockatmyentrance.“Now,youmovewithme.”Hepushed,andmybackarchedwithaloudwhimper.Hethrustedagain.Harderthattime.Andagain.“Nowyoucomeforme.”
Athiscommand,Idid.Starsflashedbehindmyeyelids,pleasurerippledinsideofme,shovingmeintodarknessforoneblissfulmoment.AndGod.I’dneverorgasmedsofastinmylife.
“Youcomesosweet,”hesaidagainstmyear,ridingmethroughthewaveofpleasureuntilmybodywasnothingbutaspenttangleoflimbs.“Youcomesobright.”
Imovedmymouth,butnowordscameout,Iwastoolosttothesensations,toolosttothefeelofhimstillmovinginsideofme,fillingmeup.
Aroughpressofhislipsagainstmine,andthen,Iwasbeingflippedontomybelly.
Hishandsmovedtomysides,andwhenheliftedmybodyup,Ifelthimhotandhardandwetagainstmyback.Roughpalmsdraggedupanddownmyribs,stomach,thighs,thenclimbedtomybreasts.Hetuggedatoneofmynipples,bringingthatneedbackalive.Histhighsshiftedunderneathme,theshaftofhiscocknudgingatmyentrancefrombehind,andanewrushofurgencymademyheadspin.Ipressedmyselfontohim.
“Tellme,”Cameronsaid,grazinghisteethoverthesideofmyneck.“Tellmeyouwantmelikethis,”hedemanded,movinghishipsandbringinghisshafttoteasemyclit.“Tellmeyou’reminetotakeifthat’swhatyouwant.”
“Cameron,”Iwhimpered,andherewardedthatwithakissonmyshoulder.“Ihaveonlywantedyou,”Iallbutexpelledthewords.Thesoundroughanddrenchedinneedbutohsoright.“Iwantyouanywaypossible.”
Hemovedhiscock,theheadglidingin.“Then,tellmetofuckyou.”
“Fuckme,”Iwhispered.“Please.”
Hethrustedallthewayin,theposition,thesizeofhim,thewaywefittogetherjustnowpullingtwingroansfrombothourmouths.
“Ahfuck,love,”hegrowled,plungingintome.“Howgoddamnsoftandperfectyouare.”Hisarmscamearoundmywaist,histhrustsincreasinginpace,losingallsenseofrhythm.“I’mburiedsodeepinsideyou.”Hishandmovedtowherewewerejoined,andhepressedhispalmthere.“Wemightbeatoddssometimes.Driveeachothercrazy.Butthisishowwefuck.”Hisfingerscircledmyclit.“ThisishowI’llalwaysfuckyou,nomatterwhat.Thisisus.”
“Yes,”Iwhimpered,gettinglostinthetsunamiofsensationbarrelingintomeagain.“Thisisus.Justwithyou.Onlyus.”Hegroanedbehindme,shiftingtheangleandhittingadifferentspot.Morestars.Morewavesofpureandrawsensation.Toomuchandnotenough.“Makemecome.Comeinsideofme.”
Hisfreehandmovedtomyjaw,gently,firmly,hishipspushingupandup.“Ipromisedyouthatmuch,didn’tI?”Hemovedmyhead,makingmemeethiseyes.“Lookatme,seewhatyoudotome.”Therhythmofhisthrustsbroke.“Comewithme,love.”Hisvoicecracked.“Letmeseeyoushine.”
Releasegrabbedme,snatchingmeandspinningme,makingmywholebodythrobasIscreamedCameron’sname.
Asifinsync,hislargeandsolidbodyspasmedbeneathme,hislimbsandcockjerkingwithhisrelease,myownnameleavinghismouthinagrowlasheheldontometighterthanI’deverbeenheldbyanyoneinmylife.
Chestsheaving,weremainedinthathigh,hishipsstillrocking,hishandstillmovingovermyclit,andhiscockstillhardinsideofme.Cameron’smouthpressedonthesideofmyjaw,andmyheadfellbackonhischest.
Ididn’tknowhowlongwestayedinthatposition,Ionlyknewthatatsomepoint,heslippedoutofmeandrearrangedmeinhisarms.Hereturnedmebacktothelivingworldwithakissandaskedmetogopeebecausehe’dcomeinsidemeanditwasimportantthatIdid.Thenweslippedintotheshowerheturnedonandhebroughtmetohischest.Weletthehotstreamofwaterfalloverus,turningourskinsleekundereachother’sfingertips.
“Adalyn,love,”hewhisperedinmyear,hishandstrailingupanddownmyback.“Thisisnolongeragame.”Myheartswelledinmychestathiswords.Atthepossibilitytheypainted.ThetruththatIhid.“Tellmeyouunderstand.”
Iextricatedmyheadfromhischest,makingsureImethisgaze.Iunderstood.SomuchthatIwasbeginningtoseehowI’dneverstoodachance.ThemomentI’dsetfootinGreenOak,I’dalreadylost.Butnow,myheartwasontheline,too.Now,whatwasatstakewasgreaterthanredemption.LargerthanfixingaPRmessorearningbacksomeone’strust.
ButthiswasCameron.AndItrustedhimlikeI’dnevertrustedanyone.Isawthat.SoIkissedhiminthecenterofhischest,andwhenIsaid,“Iknow,”Imeanteveryword.CHAPTERTHIRTY-THREE
Adalyn
Iwokeuptoanudgeonmyfaceandthecharacteristicbuzzingofaphone.
MyeyesblinkedopentoasetofeyesIhadn’tbeenexpecting.
“Willow?”Imumbled.
Herpawcamedownagain,pressingonmycheekasshesatbesidemypillow.
Ilookedbehindher,findingemptythesideofthebedwhereCameronhadbeen
Afterwhathadbeenthebestnightofsleepinweeks—months,maybeevenyears—Ihadn’tevennoticedhimgettingup.Iwasrenewedandsoreinthebestpossibleway.Yes.Whatwe’ddonelastnighthadbeenthebestsexofmylife—ground-shaking,multipleorgasmskindofbest.
AndCameron?Hewasasnuggler.Acuddler.AndasmuchasI’dneverbeenonemyself,snuggleswithCameron,Ihadlearned,ledtothebestin-the-middle-of-the-nightsex.Lazyandsultryand—
ThephoneI’dignoredbuzzedagain,makingmerollinthedirectionofthesound.
Isatup,restingmybackagainsttheheadboardCameronhadusedasleverageinsomeofthatmiddleofthenight—
Willowmewedoverthebuzzing.
“Yeah,yeah.Iknow,”Itoldher,settingheronmylapwhileIreachedforthephone.“I’mobsessedwithyourdaddy.”
“You’rewhat?”Amalevoicecamefromthespeakerofthephone.
Ilookedup,seeingMatthew’sfaceonthescreen.Oops.Imusthaveacceptedthecall.“I’m…”Istarted,butthenItookinthedarkbagsunderhiseyes.Thewayhishairstuckinalldirections.“What’swrongwithyou?”
“Isthatacat?”heasked,ignoringmyquestion.Willowmewedandliftedherheadtocheckthescreen.“Whydoyouhaveacat?”
“Matthew,”Isaid,nowseriously.“What’sgoingon?You’recallingmeveryearlyinthemorning.”Apangofguiltcutthroughme.I’dbeensowrappedupinmyownlifethatIhadn’tcheckedonhiminawhile.“What’sgoingon?”
Hisjawclenched,andhedidn’tneedtosayawordformetoknowthattherewassomethingwrong.Probablymorethanonething.
“Matthew—”
“OhmyGod,”hesuddenlygroaned.Heshuthiseyesinadramaticway.“Areyounakedunderthatcat?Wait.Don’ttellme.”
“There’sacomforterbetweenthecatandme.”
Afemalevoicesoundedinthebackground.
Matthewsighedbeforeturninghisheadaroundandyelling,“MA!ITOLDYOUIWASGOINGTOMAKEACALL.”
Iblinkedinsurprise.“You’rebackhome?InMassachusetts?”
“IsthatAdalyn?”wassaidintheback.“Tellhertocomevisit.Godknowsyouneed—”
“NOTTHATAGAIN,MA.”Hefacedme.“It’salongstory.”Ashakeofhishead.“Anyway.Iguessthatexplainswhyyoulook…”Hetrailedoff,lookingallbutmiserable.“Likethat.”
“HowdoIlook?”Ihuffed.
“Beautiful,”Cameronanswered.“Stunning,really.”
Myheadswiveledinthedirectionofthatdeep,sultry,accentedvoicethatwaswhisperingallkindsofthingsinmyearlastnight.Hewasshirtless,andhelookedsohandsomeandinvitingfromhisspotatthedoorthatIcouldonlygape.
“Andthoroughlyfucked,”headded,makingmyjawdroptothefloor.
Matthewletoutastrangesoundfromthephone.
Cameronignoredallofthat.Hecrossedthedistancetomewithlong,determinedstrides,greeneyesboringintomine.Hereachedthesideofthebedandleanedforward.“You’renaked,inmybed,withmycatonyourlap,speakingtosomeotherman.ShouldIbeconcerned,love?”
“Cameron,”Imumbledlikeanidiot,insteadofasimpleno.OraDon’tberidiculous,isn’titobviousthatI’mcrazyaboutyou?OraYourbiggestconcernshouldbeme,helplesslyfallingforyou,ifyoudon’tstopsayingthingslikethat.Butmybrainwasn’tworking.
“CAMERON?”Mybestfriendspitfrommyphone.“AsinCameronCaldani,asintheCAMERONCALDANI?”Apanickedpause.“IsthatCameronCaldani’scat?You’reinCameronCaldani’sBED.”Hisvoicewenthigh.“IsCameronCaldanitheonewhothoroughlyf—”
“Matthew,”Istoppedhim.“Canyoupleasestopsayinghisnamelikethat?Actually,itwouldbeniceifyouwouldalsostopemphasizingallthatstuff.”
Cameronplacedamuginmyhandandkissedme.Hard.Brieflybutintentlyenoughforhismouthtopartmine.
Matthewgasped.
AndI…Iwastoodazzledbythatkiss.Distracted.Iwantedmorekisseslikethat.Moregrowlynoisesfromhischest,I—
“You’rewithCameronCaldani,”mybestfriendmurmured,asiftheknowledgewassinkinginjustnow.“Ihavequestions.Firstoneiswhereismyshirt?Secondishowseriousareyou?Howdidanyofthishappen?Arewebecomingbrothers-in-law?”
Cameronsatontheedgeofthebed,placinganarmaroundmyshouldersandmuttering,“Thisshouldbefun.”
Isighed.“Cameron,thisismybestfriend,MatthewFlanagan.And,Matty,thisis—”
“CameronCaldani,”hefinishedforme,eyesgrowingthreesizes.Butatleasthewasn’tgasping.“Bigfan,Mr.Caldani.I’vefollowedyourcareerforyears.I—”Hestoppedhimself.“Holdon,beforeIgoon,Ifeellike,asAdalyn’sbestfriend,Ishouldextendawarning.”
“Matthew,no,”Iwhisperedloudly.“Andstopcallinghimbyhisfullname,please.You’remakingthisveryweird.”
Cameronpulledmecloserwiththearmthatwassnakedaroundmyshoulders,andonlywhenIwastuckedagainsthissidedidhesneakhishandbelowthecomforterandplaceitonmynakedthigh.“Letthemantalk.”Hesqueezedmyleg,andmybloodrushedtothatexactpoint.“Idon’tscareeasily.”
MybestfriendlookedsostarstruckIdoubtedhe’dbeabletoscareaflyrightnow,butheclearedhisthroat.“Adalyn’slastboyfriendwasacompletetool.”
“Ialreadylikewherethisisheading,”Cameronmuttered,andhishandmovedtomybelly,pushingmecloserstill.
Matthewcontinued,“IknewthemomentImethimthatI’deventuallywanttobreakhisface.”Itensed.Matthewdidn’tknowwhatCamerondid.“Iwaitedforhimtogivemeareason,agoodsolidoneIcoulduseincaseIneededtodefendmyselfincourt,butheneverdid.”Amomentofsilencefollowedthat.“Idon’treallyknowyou,Cameron.ButIlikeyou.Alot.Ifyouknewhowmuchyou’dprobablybeweirdedoutbut—”
“Jesus,Matthew,”Ihissed.“Gettothethreateningbecausewehaveagametoattend.”
Matthewrolledhiseyesbeforehisexpressionturnedstern.“ButasmuchasIlovethemanonthefield,Iwillbreakyourfaceifyouhurther.”Isighed,notbecauseIdoubtedhimbuttheopposite.AndIfearedthiswouldactuallyscareCameronaway.“I’dlovenothingmorethanforyoutobewithher,giveherafamilyofcutecats,babies,orwhatevermakesusbestfriendsforlife,butdon’tbreakherheart.Becauseifyoudo,IswearIwill—”
“Iwon’t,”Cameronstated.Firmly.Nohesitation.“Andshe’stheonewiththepowerandchoicetodoallthosethings.Notme.I’mjustwaitingforhertoletme.”
Myhearttripped.MysoulmighthaveleftmybodyforallIknew.
Iwasgoingtofaint.Orthrowup.Ireallywas.
Whatintheworldwasgoingon?WhyweretheytalkingaboutfamiliesofcatsandbabiesandwhywasCamerontalkinglike…LikeIjustneededtosignonthedottedlinetogetit?I—wehadn’teventalkedaboutwhatthismeant.Thefuture.IwasleavingGreenOak.Soonafterthisgame,ifIhadtoguess.Andhe…He’djustboughtthislodge.
I’mjustwaitingforhertoletme
Nowmyheartdoingpirouettes.Weneededtotalk.Notaboutcatsorbabies,becausethatwasridiculous,butaboutwhatevercameafterthis.Afternow.
“Allright,”Matthewsaid,clappinghishandsandbringingmeback.“Nowthatthat’soutoftheway.CanIaskyouafewquestions,Mr.Caldani?”
Themanbesidemeflinched.Andyet,hesaid,“Sure.”
“No,”Iinterjectedwithafirmtone,finallyreturningtomyself.“Noquestions.Nojournalistshenanigans.Turnitoff.”
Mybestfriend’smouthhungopenforamoment,hisbrowsinafrown.“But—”
“Isaidno,”Irepeated,hearingonetoomanyemotionsinmyvoice.“Camerononlysaidyesbecauseyou’remyfriend.Butthetruthisthathispersonallifeisnoneofyouroranybody’sbusiness.He’lltalkwhenhedecidestotalk,andifthatneverhappens,thenthat’sokay.”
Matthewrecoveredquickly,justlikehealwaysdid.God,Ifeltlikeajerk,butI’dalreadyhurtCameronbythreateningtoexposehim.Andevenifthatfeltlikeaneternityago,Ishookwithguilteventhinkingofputtinghiminthatsituationagain.
“I’msorry,”Matthewsaid,andIknewhemeantit.HiseyesturnedinCameron’sdirection.“Ithinkshemightkeepyou,man.AdalynnevergoesallRottweileronme.ExceptforthattimeIdraggedhertoSaintPatrick’s—”
“Matthew,please.”Igroaned.“Youpromisedmenottoevertalkaboutthatagain.”
“Allright,”mybestfriendsaid.“Ireallyneedtogo,now.”Histoneturnedsomber.“Addy?”hesaid,andIrealizedIwasn’tbotheredbythatanymore.“There’ssomethingyouneedtosee.ThatwaswhyIwascallingyou.It’sinyouremail.”Helookedoveratthemanbesidemeagain.“Takecareofher,willyou?I…She’llpushthroughanythingbutsometimesit’sgoodnottodoitalone.”
Somethingsoundedinthebackground,behindMatthew’schair,butbeforeIcoulddiscernanyofit,orevenprocessthemeaningofwhathe’djustsaid,thecallwasover.
Camerontookthemugfrommyhand.
“Hey,I’mnotdonewith—”Istarted.
ButCameron’smouthwasonmine,hishandsonmywaist,andmybackwashittingthebed.Hecameoverme,andanimmediatesenseofrightness,ofsafetyandexcitementandwarmth,felloverme,envelopingmeandmakingmymindstop.
Willowmewedsomewherefaraway,asifshe’drunfromtheroom,andCameronbitmylipagain,demandingallmyattentionback.
“Youbeautiful,fiercegirl,”hesaidagainstmylips.Hishipssettlingbetweenmine.“Protectingmelikethat.”Thatmouthtraileddownmyneck.“It’sgottenmerock-hard.”
Myhandsmovedtohishead,myfingersslippingintohishair,hardlyresistingthefeelofhismouthasitcontinueddown.“Ithoughtyou—”CameronnippedatmynippleandIarchedmyback.“Ithink…”Histonguetraileddowntomybelly.“Ithink—”Heplacedahardkissonmyhip.“Ithinkwe—”
Hisheadlifted,hisgazemeetingmine.“Whatdoyouthinkweshoulddo,love?”
Mychestheavedupanddown,needsurgingthroughmeandmakingitdifficulttothink.“Talk.Ithinkweshouldtalk.”
Iwaitedforhisreaction,almostafraidofhimpossiblybrushingitofforwalkingaway.
ButCameron’slipstwitched,bendingupwardandgivingshapetothatblindingsmile.“We’lltalk,then.”Heplacedonemorekissonmybelly,thenclimbedupandpushedhislipstomyjaw.Myeyelidsflutteredclosedandwhentheyreopened,hewasstandingatthesideofthebed,lookingdownatmeasIlaidsprawledinthecomforter.Still.“Wehaveafewhoursuntilthegame.Ileftbreakfastinthekitchenforyou.Freshcoffee,too.I’lljumpintheshowertotakecareofthis.”Hegrippedhimselfthroughhissleepingpants.Iswallowed.“It’sanopeninvitationforyoutojoin.Eitherway,we’lltalkbeforeleavingthehouse.”
Inawe,Iwatchedhimpullsomethingoutofthepocketofhissweatpants.Thenheleanedforwardandslippeditovermyhead.Ilookeddown,findinghissignetringhangingonachain.
“Forgoodluck,”hesaid.“Soyoudon’tforgetjusthowsuperstitiousIam.”Andwiththat,heturnedaroundandleftmerightwhereIwas.
Jesus.Wasthismylifenow?Beinginvitedbybeautifulgruffmentohaveshowersexandwearingtheirfamilyheirloomsaroundmyneck?
It’sanopeninvitationforyoutojoin.
Isprungup.Theheelsofmyfeethitthefloorsohard,Iprobablyleftamark.Weweregoingtotalkeitherway.He’dsaidsohimself.Sowecouldhaveafeworgasmsfirst,couldn’twe?Cameronwasgivingmethechoice.Justlikehealwaysdid.He’dknowntherewassomethingonmymindandofferedmeaninandanout.He’dmadesureeitherway,Iknewhe’dbethere.
Strokinghimself.
Istartedforthebathroom,butthen,myphonepingedagain.
Almostinstinctively,Ihadaglimpseatthenotification.ItwasMatthew’semail.
Therehadbeensomethingabouthim,somethingaboutwhathe’dsaidthathadleftmeunsettled.TherewassomethingupwithMatthewandtheanswermightbeinthatemail.
Ipickedupthephone.Unlockedit.Openedmyinboxandtappedonthemail.CHAPTERTHIRTY-FOUR
Adalyn
ItwasCameron’svoicethatreturnedmebacktoearth.
“Adalyn?”
Iblinked,thescreenofmyphonenowblack.
HowlonghadIbeenstaringintoblankspace?
Everythingwasablur.Ididn’tevenrememberputtingononeofCameron’sshirtsorcomingtothekitchen.IjustrememberedopeningMatthew’semailandneedingtomove.Feelingcold.Needingaglassofwater.Needingtobreathe.
“Adalyn?”Cameron’svoicecameagain,apanickededgeinitthistime.Iheardhissteps,thenhishandswerearoundmyface.“Youneedtobreathe,love.”
WasInotbreathing?
Airgotstuckinmythroat,makingmegaspandgivingmeananswer.
Cameron’seyebrowsknotted,concerntwistinghisexpression.Hewasright.Cameronhadbeenrightallthistime.Thishadtobeapanicattack.AnditwassomethingIshouldn’tbrushoff.Ishouldseesomeoneaboutit.IprobablyhadtriggersIshouldknowabout.I—
“Ineedtoleave,”Icroaked.“It’smyfather.Matthew’semail.IneedtocatchaflightbacktoMiami.”
Hishandsfellaroundmyface.Hetiltedmyfaceback.Metmygaze.“Breathe.”
Hewasright,Ineededtodothat.
“That’sit,”hesaid,asIlimitedmyselftoinhalingandexhalingbigpullsofair.“Goodjob,darling.”
Thenoiseinmyheadstartedtoquietdown.Thethumpinginmychestgraduallycamedown.Butthen,newemotionsseepedin.Guilt.Sorrow.Shock.Cameronmusthavebeensoscaredwhenfoundmelikethis.Soconcerned,soblindsidedby…me.Ishookmyhead.
“Myfatherissellingtheclub.”Thewordsleftmeinagurgle.Thepressureinmychestrose.IfocusedonCameron’sface.Onlettingthegreenofhiseyesgroundme.“ToDavid,accordingtowhatMatthewhasbeentoldbyoneofthejournalistsinhisnetwork.Andithastobebecauseofme.IthastobebecauseDadhasnootherchoiceafterImessedeverythingup.David’sprobablyblackmailinghiminsomeway,usingmeascollateralagain.HemustbeexploitingthesituationIputtheFlamesinwiththevideo.Otherwise,Dadwouldneverdothat.He…”SomethingcrossedCameron’sexpression.“Myfatherwouldneversell.”
“Noneofthisisyourfault,”hesaidwithconfidence.Determination.Thaturgetomakeitbetter,totaketheconcernawayfromme.“Youhearme?Nothing.You’renotresponsible.”
Thosewordsbroughtrelief,buthe…Whywasn’themoreshocked?Whathadthatemotionflashingthroughhisfacebeen?
“Adalyn,”hesaid.Slowly,carefully.“Yesterday—”
Ithitmethen.“Youknew.”
Therewassilence.AsilenceIdidn’twanttounderstand.
Ileanedback.Ilookedathisface.AtthathandsomefaceIlovedsomuch.Yes,IdidlovemanythingsaboutCameron.ButI—Imademyselfspeakthroughthethicklumplodgedinmythroat.Evenifitwasjusttorepeatthesametwowords.“Youknew.”
Cameron’sexpressionwaveredbutIknewhewasn’tgoingtodenyit.Hewasn’tgoingtotryandplayitdown,either.Cameronwasn’tthatkindofman.“Ididn’tknowforsure.”
Ifeltlikemylegsmightdoubleundermyweight.
Mymouthopenedandclosedwordlessly,untilImanagedtosummonmyvoice.“Howlonghaveyouknown?”
“Aday,”hesaid.“ButIdidn’treallyknow.Notforsure.”Heretrievedhishands,reluctantly,asifheknewIneededthespacebutwasunsureaboutlettinggo.“Liam,myformeragent.He’stheonewhoheardtherumors.HeonlymentioneditbecausetheFlamesaskedaboutme.”
TheFlames.They’daskedaboutCameron?WhatelsehadImissed?Clearly,toomuch.“Ididn’tknow,”Imurmured.“ButIshouldhaveknown.Allofthis.”
“Idon’tthinkyourfatherwantedyoutoknow,”Cameronansweredsosimply,soeasily,thatapartofmewishedtobemad.ButIwasn’t.Iwasconfused.Andhurt.Hisarmreachedout,buthestoppedhimself.Hishandmadeafistbyhisside.“Itwasn’treallyanoffer,andhaditcometothat,youwouldhavebeenthefirstpersontohearbeforeIconsideredit.Butthat’snotwhat’supsettingyou.”Hepaused,andI—God,whywasIfeelingso…lostrightnow?WhydidIfeellikeeveryonewaskeepingmeinthedarkaboutmyownlife?“Iwasgoingtotellyouabouttherumors,love.ButI’mnotgoingtolietoyou,Iwasgoingtowaituntillatertoday.”
Andthat’swhatIcouldn’tunderstand.
Ishouldbepackingmybagsrightnow.Ishouldbeonaflight,goingbacktoMiamitofixthis.Tostopthis.TotellmyfathernottoletDavidmanipulatehim,thatIknewaboutthebribing.Thatheshouldn’tsell.ButinsteadIwashere,tryingtofigureoutwhyIfeltso…heartbroken.Betrayed.
Needingtothink,toordermyemotionsandthewhirlingthoughtsinmyhead,Ipushedaway.Iputdistancebetweenusandstoppedatthecounterattheoppositesideofthekitchen.
AstrangledsoundleftCameron.
Ishovedawayhowhorriblethatmademefeel,howmuchIhatedbeingtheoneresponsibleforsuchaloudsignofdistress,butIcouldn’tarticulateathoughtwhenhetouchedme.AllIfeltwashim.
“YouknewwhatDavidwasdoing,”Itoldhim,tryingtounderstand.“YouknowhowIfeelabouttheclub,too.”Ishookmyhead.“Andyouwerelettingmestayhereinthis…fantasyworld.Playinggames.”Iignoredthehurtinmychestathearingmyownwords.“GodknowswhatDavidmusthavedonetomakemyfatherconsideratransfer.Thisisallmyfault.”
Cameronsteppedinmydirection.Hismouthopened.
Iheldupahand.“Don’tmakeexcusesformeorwhatI’vedone.Notnow,please.”Ibroughtmyhandstomytemples.Closedmyeyesforaninstant.God.WhatwasIdoing?“Ishouldbepacking,notplayinghousewithyou.”
Hisjawclenchedsotight,Icouldbarelyseehislips.“Thiswasneveragame.”Hetookonestepforward.AndImovedback,thebottomofmyspinehittingthecounterbehind.“Iwasnotgoddamnplaying,Adalyn.Andyoutoldmeyourselfyouunderstoodthat.Lastnight.”
“Butyoukeptmeinthedark,”Itoldhim,inalow,quietvoiceIdidn’tlike.Cameron’smouthpartedbutnowordscameout.“Justlikethem.Evenifitwasonlyforaday.”Ishookmyhead.“Youknow?AllI’veeverwantedwastobe…seen.Toleaveamark.ToearnhisapprovalandprovetoeveryonethatIcouldbejustlikemyfather.”Myownwordsechoedinmyears,asifIwashearingthemoutloudfrommyownmouthforthefirsttime.“Andnow,it’spossiblethatI’mtoolateandIcan’tdoanythingtofixanyofthis.”Myvoicebroke,andIhadtoclearmythroatbeforecontinuing.“Ireallywishyouwereright.Ireallywishthiswholethingwasn’tagame,butlifeisone.AndnomatterhowmuchItry,Iseemtoalways,alwayslose.”Iclosedmyeyes,myheadtoofuzzy.Mythoughtsmeshingandmixingabout.“Mybeingherewasalwaysmeanttobetemporary,anyway.”
“Don’t,”Cameronsaid.
Mythroatfelttight,aspotbetweenmychestandstomachturningtootender,tooweak.“Ineedtogo.Ishouldhavebeenonaflightbynow.Ineedtofixthisbeforeit’stoolate.”
Cameronsteppedinmydirection,socarefully,soslowly,thatIwasn’tevensurehe’dmoved.“Adalyn—”
“No.”Myheadgaveonebriskshake.Ididn’twanttohearhimexcusingme.Ortakingmyside.Ididn’twanttohearhimsayingthatthiswasn’tagameagain.“Youshouldhavetoldmethemomentyouheard.Evenifitwasjustrumors.”
“MaybeIshouldhave.”Hiswholefacetightenedup,asifhewantedtoshutdownbutcouldn’t.Everyemotionstartedbubblinguptothesurface.Hisnostrilsflared.“Butthat’snotwhatIdid,sono.”
Iblinked,takenabackbythebluntadmission.
“No,”herepeated,firmly.“IdidwhatIdid,andasmuchasIhatethatyoufoundoutlikethis,Idon’tregrettakingthedecisionnottotellyouuntilIwassureofthatreallyhappening.Youknowwhy?BecauseIgoddamnrefusetoletthemtakesomethingelseawayfromyou.”
Thattenderspotinmychestspread,growinglarger,makingmesovulnerableIwasnowterrifiedofhisnextwords.
Hisbarelycontrolleddemeanorbroke.“ImeantitwhenIsaidthatIseeyou.”Hedroppedhisarm.“Ifuckingseeyou,andIseewhatyourfatherhasdonetoyou.AndwhatDavidhasdone,too.”Thegreeninhiseyesswirledwithfrustration,hismouthpursed,soclosetoasnarl.“ForallIknow,thiscouldbethatfuckingcrookspreadingwordtopurposelyhurtyou.Ineededtobesurethatwasn’tthecase.”
MyeyeswidenedatthepossibilityofDavidbeingbehindthis.BehindtheinformationthathadbeeninMatthew’semail.
Cameroncontinued,voicesoftening,“Iamaselfishman,Adalyn.AndIwantedyoutohavethis.Ididn’twanthim—them—toruintodayforyou.Thisonethingyouworkedsofuckinghardfor.Icouldn’tcarelessaboutthelittleleague,butIwasbloodywinningthisforyou.Iwantedyoutogotothegameandbefuckingecstatic.Notaworryinyourmind.Smileandlaughthewayyousorarelydo.Haveagoodtimewithmeandthegirlsandcollectthejoyyoudeserve.Thegoddamnloveyoudon’tneedtoearn.That’swhatmyselfishnessmakesmedo.”
Thetipsofmyfingersstartedtofeelfunny.Numb.Andtingly.Allatonce.“Don’ttellmetosmilemore.Orworryless.”Iclaspedmyhandstogether,scaredthey’dstartshaking.Andtheoddsensationspreadoutandupmyarms.“IamwhoIam.”
“Iknow,love.”Hisvoicewavered.“Idon’twanttochangeyou.Iwouldn’tchangeasinglethingaboutyou,asmuchassometimesyoudrivemeabsolutelyinsane.”Heshookhishead,asiflostforaninstant.“Youarewhoyouare.AndIlovethat.Letthosegoddamnsmilesberareaslongasthey’remine.”
Youarewhoyouare.
AndIlovethat.
Letthosegoddamnsmilesberareaslongasthey’remine.
Mine.
Myheartdroppedtomyfeet,andGod,thatstupidholethathadopenedinthemiddleofmepulsed,poundedwithneed,demandingtobefilled.
ThewordsbarelymadeitoutofmewhenIspoke,“That’sbesidethepoint.”
Iregrettedmywords.Almostimmediately.Itwasn’tbesidethepoint.Whathe’dsaid…ithadbeeneverything.Everysinglething.
Cameron’sgazedidn’tfalter.“That’sallright.”Hetookastepforward.“I’llbeyourpunchingbag.”Anotherstep.“I’llbewhateveryouneedmetobe.I’lljumponaflightandholdyourhand.I’llhelpyoubreaksomethingwithyourbarehands.Fuck,I’lljuststandthereandwatch.”Hereachedme,andmywholebodyreactedtohim.Tohiscloseness.Tohiswords.“Anythingyouneed.Youwanttogonow.We’llgo.”
Youarewhoyouare.
AndIlovethat.
“Idon’tneedyoutoprotectme,”Itoldhim,andIwishedIbelievedmyownwords.IwishedIwasn’tfeelinglikeallIwantedwastojumpintohisarms.Butthatonlymademethesamewomanwho’dlostcontrolofherlifethatday.Thesamewomanwhocouldn’tkeepaholdofheremotions.“This.Thisiswhyyoudidn’ttellme.Youdon’ttrustthatIcanhandlethings.Onmyown.AndImightdeservethatafterwhathappenedwithSparklesandeverytimeyou’veseenmelosecontrol,butI’vebeenhandlingthingsonmyownmywholelife,Cameron.AndI’vebeenfine.”
“Don’tyouthinkIknow?”Hehuffed,andthat’swhenIknewhewasbreaking.Cameronwasbreakingdown.“Iknowyoudon’tneedme,oranyoneelse.Iknowyou’remorethanokayonyourown.Jesus,Adalyn,that’swhatpushesmetowanttoguardyoulikeagoddamndog.”
Hishandcuppedmyfacethen,andGod.Itfeltsoright.Histouchsocomforting,sowarminthatwaythatmademefeelsoalive.Iclosedmyeyes.
Hisvoicesoftened.“You’resostrong,sofiercelyindependent,thatIwanttokeepyouhappyandsafebeforeyouhaveto.”Hecaressedmyjaw.AndonlythenIrealizedmyteethwereclatteringwithrestraint.“Itrustyou.NotevenoncehaveIdoubtedyou’recapableofwithstandingasinglethingthatlifethrowsatyou.Butthatdoesn’tmeanIdon’twanttostopanythingfromeverhurtingyouagain.”
Myheartpoundedrecklesslyinmychest,reverberatinginmytemplesandhead.Iclosedmyeyes,makingtheefforttopulloxygenintomylungs.Inthroughmymouth.Outthroughmynose.
That’swhatpushesmetowanttoguardyoulikeagoddamndog.
Inthroughmymouth.Outthroughmynose.
Itrustyou.
ButdidItrustmyself?
Iopenedmyeyes.“YoushouldtakethejobwiththeRBC.It’stheopportunityofalifetime.”
Anotherofthosestrangledsoundslefthim.Andmyheartthrummedinmytemplesnow.Takebackthewords,avoiceinmyheadbegged.Takethemback.AskhimtogotoMiamiwithyoutoday.Don’tdothisalonewhenyoudon’thaveto
“No,”Cameronsaid.Stated.Firmly.Notevenatraceofdoubtinhisvoice.Stubborn,hardheadedman.Hisperseveranceonlymademewanttoscream.Cry.Beinhisarms.“Itwasneverupforconsideration,butnowit’snotevenanoptionthatwouldevercrossmymind.I’mnotleaving.”
Myheartpoundedsohard,soloud,thatwhenIsaid,“Why?”Ididn’tthinkIheardtheword.“Whywouldn’tyoutakeit?Englandisyourhome.”
Cameron’sjawtightened.Hishanddropped.“Don’t.”Heshookhishead.“Don’tmakemesaythewordsoutloud.Notnow.Notrightbeforeyoutrytopushmeaway.”
Thewords.
Whatwords?
Theonesthatweretryingtobargerightoutofme?
Iguesseditdidn’tmatter.Itdidn’tmatterwhateverhethoughtwasbeingleftunsaid.BecauseasmuchasIunderstoodwhyhe’dkeptthisfromme,wenolongerbelongedtotheworldwherenine-year-oldsplayedsoccer,whereweattendedfallfestsandsharedacabin.
ItwastimeformetogobacktowhereIdidbelong.
Atmysilence,Cameron’seyesclosed.Heonlystoodthere,likethat,foraninstant.Then,hewalkedaway.
Therewasalongmomentinwhichtheonlysoundwasmyshallowbreathingandhisstepsashemovedtowardthedoor.AndIkeptthinkinghowmuchofamessI’dmadeforsomeonewhohadkeptittogetherforsuchalongtime.Forsomeonewho’dbeenaccusedofnotshowingenoughemotionsomanytimes.
Letthosegoddamnsmilesberareaslongasthey’remine.
Ibroughtmyhandtomychest,failingtosoothethetighteningvisesqueezingmyheart.
“Didyoureallymeanit,love?”heasked,andonlythen,Irealizedhewaslookingatmefromthedoor.Hehadn’tleft.“Whenyoutoldmeyouwouldn’tmindifIwastheonetoslayyourdragons.”Somethinginmebroke.“Didyoumeanthat?”
Ihadmeantit.WitheveryounceofwhoIwas.
Buteverythinghadchangednow.Thiswasn’tabouttakinghisguestroomorworkingwithhimontheteam.Itwasn’taboutacceptingneedinghistouch.Thebubblehadburst,thefairytalehadtorn,andI’ddroppedtothefloorwithathump.Justlikemymotherhadpredicted.Thiswasreallife.AndmyfatherwassellingtheclubI’dconsideredhomemywholelifetothemanwho’dusedmetomanipulatehim.CHAPTERTHIRTY-FIVE
Cameron
I’dfuckedup.
Royally.
Ineveractedwithoutareason,withoutawellthoughtoutplan.ButthistimeI’dmadeamistake.Adalynwasright,Ishouldn’thavedecidedwhatwasbestforherwithoutlettingherhaveasayinit.EventhoughallI’dwantedwasforhertohavethisonegoddamnthing.EventhoughIknewher,andIknewshe’dsacrificeherownhappiness.GotoMiamiandfixasituationshewasn’tresponsiblefor.
Thosegoddamnfuckerswereusingherlikeachesspieceintheirsickpowergame.Anditmademybloodboil.
ButasmuchasIwantedtoprotecther,Ihadmiscalculated.I’dfuckedup.Andnow,IalsoknewthatIshouldn’thaveleftthecabin.Ishouldn’thaveconvincedmyselfthatAdalynneededspace.Ishouldn’thaveleftherandhopedforthebest.Ishouldhavestayed.
BecausenowAdalynwasn’there.Shewasn’tcomingtothegame,andIdidn’tknowifshewasevercomingback.
Ilookedatmyfeet,thesoundofthegatheringcrowdandthegirlsnothingbutalowbuzz.
Idon’tneedyoutoprotectme…Youdon’ttrustthatIcanhandlethingsonmyown.
Christ.I’dbeensuchamoron.Shebelievedthatnow.I’dledhertobelievethat.EvenwhenallIthinkishowstrongandbravesheis.AndhowIworryabouthowlittlesheactuallyneedsme.
Andnowshewasonherwaytotheairport,andIwashere,myhandstiedbehindmybackbymyownactions.Mystomachtwistedatthethoughtofhersittingaloneonthatplane.Nothavinganyonetosqueezeherhandincasesheneededreassurance.Iwhippedoutmyphoneandopenedtheflightsapp,butthereminderofherwordsbroughtmyfingerstoahalt.
Youdon’ttrustthatIcanhandlethings.
I’dtrustherwithanythingIhad.ButwouldshebelievethatifIplantedmyselfinMiami?WouldshethinkIwasdoingexactlywhatshe’daccusedmeof?WouldshetellmeIwastryingtofightherbattles?
Iexpelledaforcefulgulpofair.Shookmyhead.Lockedmyphone.Iwenttoputitawaybutthenpulleditbackoutandunlockedit.“Fuck,”Imuttered.“Bloodyfuckinghell,”Icontinued,andherfacepoppedbehindmyeyes.Language,Coach,she’dsaywiththattiltofherlips.Itfeltlikeablowtomyface.“Youabsolutetoad.”Iclosedmyeyes.“Howcouldyoulietoher,you—”
“CoachCam?”
“María,”Isaidwithashakeofmyhead,steelingmyselfbeforeturning.“Hey,youcalledmeCam.”
Maríashruggedashoulder.“You’rewearingyourspecialshirt,”shetoldme,asifthatexplainedwhy.Fuck,nowmychesthurtagain.“That’sgood.Butwhoisatoad?Andwhodidhelieto?”
Isighed,incapableofmusteringthestrengthtocomeupwithananswerforher.
Shenarrowedhereyes,butratherthansuspicion,shediditwithunderstanding.“IsthatwhyMissAdalynisrunninglate?Ithoughtshe’dbraidmyhairagain.Likelasttime.”Shepointedatthesideofthefieldwheretheteamwasgatheringup.“Chelseabroughtfacepaint,soshedoesn’tneedtouseherfancylipsticktodrawlinesonourcheeksagain.”
“I…”Fuckme.Icouldn’tdothis.Airwasgettingstuckinmythroat.“Idon’tthinkMissAdalyniscomingtothegame,María.”
“Why?”
“TherewasanemergencybackinMiami,andshehadtogo.”
Maríatiltedherhead.“Whyaren’tyouwithher,then?”sheasked.AndGod.Itwassuchasimplequestion,formulatedwithsuchgenuineshock,asiftherewasnootherpossibilitythanmebeingbyherside,thatitalmostbroughttomyknees.
I…blurtedoutnothingbutthetruth.“Imessedup.ImadeherbelieveIdidn’ttrusthertohandlethingsonherown.I…”TreatedherliketheonemanI’dtriedtoprotectherfromhad.“Butshe’llbeback,”Iheardmyselfsay.“She’llcomeback.Youguysarestillveryimportanttoher.”
Maríastaredbackatme,whileIbracedmyself.Iftherewasakidontheteamwhowouldn’thesitatetowipethisfieldwithmyass,itwasher.AndI’ddeserveit.Ihadalreadydeservedeveryscowlandskepticallookshe’dthrownmywayforhowI’dtreatedAdalynatthebeginning.AndI’dtakethis,too.
Shemadeaface.Then,tiltedherhead.“Wouldbraidingmyhairmakeyoufeelanybetter?”
Iopenedmymouthtodeclinebutfoundmyselfgivingheranodinstead.
“Okay,”shesaidwithasighbeforetakingmyhandanddraggingmeallthewaytothebench.“Sithere,”sheordered.AnddownIwent.Shestoodinfrontofme.“Ihopeyou’rebetteratitthanTony.Hisbraidsreallysuck.”
Ilookedatthebackofhermessyheadofhair,welcomingthesenseofpurpose,evenifforafewminutes,andgottowork.
“Haveyouhadmanygirlfriends,CoachCam?”
Ifrowned,caughtoffguardbyherquestion.“No.Ihaven’thadagirlfriendforawhile,no.”
Shesighed,andthatsighshouldhavetoldmeenough.“DoyouloveMissAdalyn?”
Myhandsfrozeintheair,andIsworemyheartcametoahalt.“Yes,”Iraspedout,resumingtherandomtwirlingandweavingofhair.
“Haveyoutoldher?”
Iclearedmythroattospeak.“No.”
Maríahuffed.“Then,howisshesupposedtocomeback?”Nowmygoddamnheartwasbreakingalloveragain.“Howwillsheknowwheretofollowherheart?”
Myeyesclosed.“That’spartoftheproblem,I’mafraid.”
“Loveisneverpartoftheproblem,”Maríaanswered.AndChrist,whydidwordsspokenbyanine-year-oldhitmesohard?
“It’salittlemorecomplexthanthat,sweetheart.”
“ButI’veseenthefaceshemakesatyouwhenyoutouchher.”
Myfingersfalteredforaninstant.“Andwhatfaceisthat?”
“ThesamefaceBrandymakeswhensherealizesI’mtheonepettingher,”shesaid,andIbitbackachuckle.Butthen,thekidcontinued,“Likeshecanfinallybeatease.Likeshewasscaredbutnowshe’sokay.Becausewithme,she’salways,alwayssafe.”
YoumakemefeellikeI’veneverfeltwithanyonebefore,Cameron.YoumakemewantthingsIneverwanted.Adalyn’svoiceseemedtotakeshapeinmyhead,eclipsingthepoundinginmychest.
Oblivioustohowmuchofaneffectherwordswerehavingonme,Maríacontinued,“Youtoldusthatlifeishard.Yousaidthatalossisonlytheendofonegame.Thatweshouldstandupandchasetheprize.Losingagameisjusttripping,itmakesyoutoughaslongasyoustandup.”
“I…did.”Ihadtoldthekidsthat.AndI’dbeensuremywordshadcrushedthem.Andnowtheywerebeingthrownbackatmyface,crushingme.
Maríahandedmeanelasticoverhershoulder.“IsMissAdalynyourprize?”
“No.”Mythroatworked.“She’snotaprizetobewon.”Itooktheelasticfromher.“She’s…notagame.She’smorethansomethingyouwin.She’smorethanaloss.She’severythingthat’sworthplayingfor.She’severythinginbetween.”
“See?”shesaidwiththatnonchalanceonlykidshad.“Loveisnevertheproblem.Loveiseasy,likeinthemovies.We’retheoneswhomakeitcomplicated.That’swhyI’llforgiveherformissingthegame.”Ifinishedtighteningtheelastic.“Butifshereallyisyoureverything,andshe’sdealingwithsomethingimportant,thenshouldn’tyoubewithher?Evenifyoumessedup.Whatifsheneedsasubtoplayinherplace?Shemightnotlikeyourightnow,butthatdoesn’tmeanshedoesn’twantyouthere.”
BeforeIcouldevenutteraword,sheturnedaround.
Herbrowneyesinspectedme,andIjustblinkedatherindisbelief.Thinkingaboutwhatshe’dsaid.Thinkinghowmuchsenseshemade.Howeasyitseemedwhensheputitlikethat.
“CanIhaveyourphone?”Maríaasked.
Ihandedittoher,myheadstillwhirling.
MaríalookedatherselfinwhatIassumedwasthecameraofthedevice.Shesighed.
“CoachCam?”shecalled,andmygazerefocusedonher.“Yourbraidssuck.”ShehandedbackmyphoneandIblinkedatthekid.“Willyouaskhertoteachyou?”
LikethehopelessandfoolishmanIwas,Iwhispered,“When?”
AndMaríapursedherlips,asiftheanswerwasthemostobviousthingintheworld.“Whenyougetherback.”CHAPTERTHIRTY-SIX
Adalyn
Ihatedmyselfforthewordsthatwereabouttocomeoutofmymouth,Ireallydid.
“Doyouwanttokeepyourjob?”Isqueaked,feelingevenworsethanIthought.“DoyouevenknowwhoIam?”
“Yes.”Theguyblinked.“Andyouraccesshasbeenrevoked,MissReyes.Ican’tletyouthrough.”
Soheknew.Thisbastard.
Thisbastard.ThatwasexactlywhatCameronwouldhavesaid.I’devenheardthewordsutteredbyhisvoiceinmyhead.Ifhewasherehewould—
No.
Iletoutabitterlaughthatsoonmorphedintosomethingthatsoundedalotlikethestartofasob.I’dbeendoingthatalottoday.Almostsobbing.Almostbreaking.AlmostcallingCameron.AlmosttextingJosietobeghertoapologizetothegirlsforme.AlmostlettingmyselffeellikeIwasmakingamistake.
Thestoicmaninfrontofmefrowned.
“Listen,”Isaidslowly,squaringmyshoulders,liftingmychin.“Iknowit’slate,andit’sclearyou’rejustdoingyourjobhere.Iapplaudandthankyouforthat.Butthisisanemergency,andIknowmyfatherishere.He’salwayshereandhisdriverisrightoutside.”Ilookedathim,straightintheeye.Begging,pleading.“Youneedtoletmethrough.”
Hehesitated.Lookedaround.Butthenheshookhishead.“I’mnotgoingtobeabletodothat,MissReyes.”
Iclosedmyeyes,refusingtobreakinfrontofthisman.
Icouldn’tbelieveIwasn’tbeingletintotheplaceI’dworkedmyentireadultlife.Icouldn’tbelieveIcouldn’tgointotheplaceIhadhopedforsolongtoownoneday.Icouldn’tbelievemyfatherhadn’tansweredhisphoneanyofthetimesI’dcalled.Notevenonce.I—
“Boss?”
Myeyelidslifted,seeingafaceIwasn’texpectingtobehereatthistime.
“Ican’tbelieveit’syou,”Kellycontinued,herheelsclickinginmydirection.“Whoa,what’swiththeglow-up?You’reslayingtherunway,boss.Andthehair.OhmyGod,yourhairisallwildand…beautiful.”
Foraninstant,Ilookeddown,takinginmyjeans,boots,andoverallpracticalwear.ThenIshookmyhead.“Kelly,”Isaid,myeyesfindingherswithenoughgravitytomakeherblink.“Canyoupleaselet…”
“Billie,”themansaidwhenIlookedathim.“Ellis.”
Kellylookedoverathim.“Really?”
Billiesighed.“I’mfifteenyearshersenior,ma’am.Andtheresemblancetohernameispurelycoincidental.”
“Thatishilarious,”Kellymurmured,inspectinghimandnotevencrackingasmile.“Areyounewhere?”Billie’smouthbobbed,clearlysurprised.“You’recute.What’syourhandle,not-really-billie-ellisorsomethinglikethat?”Shewhippedoutherphone.“Iwould—”
“Kelly,”Icalled,myvoicedesperateandtiredand…hopeless,ifIhadtopick.“CanyouexplaintoMr.EllisthatIneedtogetthroughsoIcandealwiththatemergencywetalkedaboutonthephone?”Sheblinkedatme.“Heseemstobelievethatmyaccesshasbeenrevoked,butIveryclearlyrememberbeingaskedbymyfathertocomehere.Today.”Imadeafaceather.“Youremember,right?”
Myformerassistantstartednoddingslowly.“Ohhhhhhh.Right.Yes.”Herheadturnedaround,searchingtheemptyhall,beforereturningherattentiontous.“Theemergency,”shesaidmoreconfidently.“Billie,doyouwanttobetheguywhodidn’tletthebigboss’sdaughterinduringthe”—sheliftedherhands,slicingtheair—“major-estcrisisoftheyear?”
Billiefrowned,butsomepinkspreadacrosshischeeks.
“Exactly,”Kellyagreed.“That’snotagreatlook,isit?”Billieshookhishead.“Great.Now,openthebarriersoshecansavetheday.”Sheplacedahandonherhip.“Unlessyouthinkawomancan’tbethehero.Isthatwhatwe’redealingwithhere?”
“Wh—What?”Hiseyeswidened.“No.Iamafeminist.”
Shegavehimagrin.“Barrier,please?”
Ittookhimafewsecondsandacursebuttheglassgatethatgrantedaccesstotheofficeareaopenedup.
Isprintedthroughthehallwayinthedirectionofmyfather’soffice,hearingKelly’sheelsfollowingbehind.
“Boss?”Shecalled,andwhenIdidn’tturnorstop,shespedup.“Whoa.Yourunfastinthosethings.”Idid.Imightbestartingtolovemyboots.“I’msosorryIkindacold-shoulderedyou,butIreallyhadnochoice—”
“That’sokay,Kelly,”Iassuredher,turningacorner.
“Okay,phew,”sheanswered,nowalittlebreathlessly.“Nowthatthat’soutoftheway,there’ssomethingyoushouldknowbefore—”
“Iknow,”Iinterjected,speedingup.“AndI’mgoingtostopthissomewayoranother.”
“But,Boss,they’re…”
Ireachedthedoor,vaguelyawareofKellysettingahandonmyshoulderandsayingsomething,butIwasnotwastingasecondmore.I’dletthisgoonlongenough.IwastakingbackcontrolandputtingastoptoDavid’smanipulation.IwastellingmyfatherIkneweverythingandstoppingthetransaction.Ithrewopenthedoor.
Twoheadsturnedinmydirection.
“Adalyn,”myfathersaidinashockinglycalmandcoldvoicethatmademepause.
Iopenedmymouthtosaysomething,anyofthethingsthatI’drehearsedinmyhead,butallIcouldthinkofwasWhat’sDavidholdinginhishands?Becausethatcouldn’tbe—
“Hey,sweet-tea,”DavidsaidwithasmileIcouldn’tbelieveI’deverfoundanythingbutasneer.“Ohwait,dotheydrinksweetteaoverthere?”Hiseyestrailedupanddownmybody,ashivercrawlingdownmyarms.“Well,that’sdefinitelyasurprise.Whyareyoudressedlikesome…lumberjackbimbo?”
IheardKellyscoffbehindme.
Myfatherrolledhiseyesandsaid,“David.”Asifthismanhadn’tjustdisrespectedmeandthatsinglewarningwasenough.
Whydidthatsuddenlyirkmesomuch?Thatdisregardforwhatwassaidtomeinfrontofhim.ThatlazywayinwhichhetrustedthatIcouldhandlemyself.Icould,butshouldn’thebedoingmorethanthat?
Davidshrugged.“Myapologies.Hey,Ihaveasurpriseforyou.”Heliftedwhathe’dbeenholding.“Cool,huh?”
Mythroatdried.ItwasoneoftheMiamiFlamesjerseys.Irecognizedit.Exceptforthesponsorprintedatthefrontit.Thatwasnew.Itwasthelogooftheenergydrink.Theonewithmyface.
Myjawfelltothefloor.I—Focus,Adalyn.Iturnedmyattentiontomyfather.“Iknow.”Somethingfalteredinhisexpression.Myheartthrummedinmyears.“Iknoweverything,Dad.Soyoucanstopthis.”
“David,”heimmediatelysaid.“Giveusaminute.”Hestartedtocomplainbutmyfatherheldupahand.“Alone.Thisisnotyourofficeyet.”
Yet.
David’seyesfoundmineashewalkedtowardme,andwhenhepassedme,hewinked.Itmademyskincrawl.
Thedoorclosedbehindme,andonlythendidIallowmyselftomoveforward,closingthedistancetothenowvacantchairacrossfrommyfather’sdesk.I’dsattherenotthatlongago.Onlynowitseemedlikeithadbeenalifetimeago.
Cameron’sgreeneyespoppedinmyhead,andIfeltmykneesfalter,anoverwhelmingsensationfillingupmychest.Iwishhewashere,myheadseemedtochant.Notholdingmyhand,butready,closeenoughtoholditifIneededittobeheld.Asiftryingtoappeasethehollowness,Ipattedmychest,findingsomethingundermyshirt.
Cameron’sring.Itwasstillthere,hangingfromthechainhe’dfastenedaroundmyneckthismorning.
“Ihidallofthistoprotectyou,”myfathersaid,bringingmeback.
Iswallowedhard.Thinkingofthelastmanwho’dtoldmesomethingsimilar.Butit…Itsomehowfeltdifferent.Ithadadifferenteffect.ApartofmeseemedhesitanttobelieveDad.“Idon’tneedyoutoprotectme.I’mnotachild.Icouldhavetakenthetruth.”
Myfathersighed,anditwasacurt,quicksoundthatmanagedtocarrysomuch.“That’sexactlywhatyourmothertoldme.”Heshookhishead.“Youlookalotlikehertoday.”
“Ido?”
Hegavemeanod.“Ineverwantedittohappenthisway,”myfathercontinued,lookingdownatthedesk.“Allthistime,it’salwaysbeenmyoneregret.Whatkeptmefromyourmotherandyou.”Heshookhishead.“LookslikeIseemtorepeatmymistakes.Doyouresentme,Adalyn?Doessheresentmeaswell?”
Iopenedmymouth,butsomethingstoppedmefromspeaking.She?“Mom?Whywouldsheresentyouforthis?”
Myfather’sbrowsmetinquestion.Hewasn’ttalkingaboutMom.
“Whoareyoureferringto?”Iasked.Andbecausetherewassomethingatthebackofmyhead,somethingthatstartedtobuzz,Iadded,“Whoshouldresentyou,Dad?”
AndrewUnderwoodseemedsoopenlyconfusedforasecondthatwhenheanswered,itwasnothingbutarasp.“Josephine.”
Myheartstoppedforaninstant.Josephine?Butitcouldn’t—
“WhathasJosietodowithsellingtheclub?”
Hepaled.
Mykneesfalteredthen.Ileanedmyhandonthechair,gapingathim.Takinginhisexpression.Helookedlikeaghost.Andthatremindedmeofwhatmymotherhadsaid.Theletters.
Yourfatherhassecrets.
Thenmorestartedtopplingin,floodingmewithmemories.Factsthathadn’tbeenpiecedtogether.
You’llleavetomorrow.Onanassignment…It’ssomethingI’veactuallybeenthinkingaboutforawhile.
There’ssomekindofaguardianlookingoverGreenOak.
Robbiedoesn’tliketotalkaboutit,buthewas—andmaybestillis—inalotofdebt.
“You’reGreenOak’sangelinvestor.”Mythroatworkedbutthelumpremainedlodgedthere,makingithardformetospeak.IclutchedCameron’sring.Then,somethingelseJosiehadsaidthatdaybarreledrightintome.Somethingthatcouldn’tmeanwhatIthoughtitdid.Butithadto.“Whatareyoutryingtotellme?WhydidyoubringupJosie?Ineedtohearit.Outloud.”
Hestaredatme,andthenhesaid,“Josephineisyourhalfsister.”Andtheconfirmationfeltlikeabucketofwaterhadbeenthrowninmyface.“She’smydaughter,”headded,andtherewasn’tatraceofguiltinhisvoiceorhisface.Therewasn’tshame.Orremorse.Longing.Therewasnothing.
Nothingatall.
“Ithoughtyou’drealized,”hesaid.“Ithoughtthatwaswhyyouwerehereandwhathadpromptedthatdramaticentrance.Yousaidyoukneweverything.”
I…didn’tthinkIcouldbreathe.Ihadasister.Ahalfsister.Dadhadanotherdaughter.“YouthoughtIknewaboutJosie?But—You…”Mygazeroamedaroundhisface.Itwasimpassive.“You’renotsurprisedorangry.You’refine.I…”Myheadwaswhirling,shootingthoughtsleftandright.Piecingthingstogetherandtearingothersapart.Igaspedforair.“WereyouhopingI’dfindoutaboutJosie?”Butitcouldn’tbe,couldit?“Wasthatwhyyoushippedmeoffthere?”
“Yesandno,”headmittedquickly.Fartooquickformetoprocess.“IsentyoutherebecauseGreenOakseemedlikeanexperienceyoucouldbenefitfrom.ButI’dbelyingifIsaidIdidn’tassumeyou’dputittogether.”Heshrugged.“IguessIwaswrong.”
HiswordsreverberatedinmyheadasIstaredintomyfather’seyes.TheywereJosie’slightblueeyes.Onlytheylackedeverythinghershad.Apowerfulemotionrippledthroughmeattherealization,athowobviousithadbeen,athowhe’djustputmedownfornotpiecingittogether.
Healwaysdidthat.Putmedown.Hidthings.
“Youguessyouwerewrong?”Irepeated,somethingriotinginmychest.SomethingthathadnothingtodowithhowI’djustbeenheavingforabreath.“YousentmeoutthereknowingImightfindoutaboutahalfsisteryou’vebeenhidingfromme,knowingI’dinteractwithher,possiblybefriendher,andyoushrugitofflikethat?”
“Oncemore,Ithoughtthatwaswhyyouwerehere,”hesaid.AndGod,therewassomuchnoiseinmyears.Myhead.Icouldn’tthink.ImissedCameron’shands,anchoringmetotheworld.“I’vebeenexpectingthisforawhilenow.”
Ibrieflyclosedmyeyes,gavemyselfafewsecondstosievethroughthesurgeofuglyandoverpoweringemotionsclimbingupanddown.“IwasherebecauseIheardrumorsofyousellingtheFlames.ToDavid.BecauseIknowabouthimusingyou.Usingme.BecauseIthoughtIwassomehowresponsibleforhimforcingyourhand.”
Hesighed.“It’slate.Let’sgohomeandcontinuethissomeothertime.There’snostoppingthesaleoftheclubanyway,butI’msureyou’llhavequestionsaboutthat.I’llaskmydrivertodropyouoffatyourapartment.”
Therushofbloodinmyribcage,myhead,athiswordshadbeensoloudthatforasecondI’dthoughtIhadn’theardhimright.Itwasimpossible,afterall,thatsomeonebrokethiskindoflife-changingnewstohisowndaughterandthenfolloweditupwiththat.Myheadlifted,andwhathadbeenascatteredmindfocused.
“No,”Iallbutspat,takingintheblankexpressiononhisface.“You’renotdismissingmelikethis.I’vegivenupalottobehererightnow.”I’dletthegirlsdown.LeftaheartbrokenCameronbehind.
Hecheckedhiswatchagain.“It’slate,Adalyn,”hesaidslowly.“Andyou’reclearlyrattledandinnoshapetohaveadiscussion.I’mdoingthisforyourowngood.Justlikeeverythingelse.”
“YoumeanhidingIhaveasiblingoraskingDavidtomarrymeinexchangeforajob,asifIwasnothingbutcattlebeingtraded?”
Hisjawclenched.“That’sanexaggeration.”
Aclaritythathadn’tbeentherealltheseyearscrystallized.“Whatelsethen?Maybeitwasthewayyouoverlookedmyeffortstoimpressyou.Toearnyourapprovalandrespect.Wasthatformyowngood?”
“Ineveroverlookedyou,Adalyn.”
“Thenwhy?”Iaskedhim,myvoiceterrifyinglycalm.“Whywouldyouofferyourdaughtertoahorribleman?Whywouldyoulethimplayusbothbynottellingmewhenyoushouldhave?Ihadtofindoutfromhisownlipsduringtheanniversaryoftheclub.Howisanyofthatprotectingme?Howissendingmeoff,banishingme,doingthat?Younevercheckedonme,notonce.”Ibroughtmyhandtothemiddleofmychest.“You’remyfather.”
Myfathernoddedhisheadslowly,thenletoutachuckleIdidn’tunderstand.“Sothat’swhatmadeyougetlikethatandattackSparkles?GoodGod,Adalyn.Italmostcostmetheclub.”
Allsemblanceofhopestillinmevanished.
“That’sallyouhavetosay,”Isaid,notasked.BecauseIdidn’tneedananswer.He’dgivenmeone.Ishookmyhead.“Itwasn’taboutme,wasit?Nothingwas.”
“EverythingIdoisforus,”hesaid,somethinggettingthroughtohim.“DavidthreatenedgoingtosomegossipsitewiththestoryofourarrangementifItooktheVPpositionfromhim.Thesponsorstoo.Butthat’swaterunderthebridge.Honestly,Ithoughtyouhadalittlemoreself-respectthanlettingthisbotheryou.”
SoDadhadneverbeenprotectingourrelationship.Orme.He’donlyprotectedhimself.Hisname.Andthatbrokemyheart.Ithadbeentearingallthroughoutthisconversation,Irealized.Butitcompletelyshatterednow.
Silencefellintheofficeforalongmoment.Icouldn’tbelieveI’dcomehere,brokenthegirls’trust.Missedoutontoday.I’dtakenahundredstepsback,anditmademychesthurtlikeitneverhad.IclutchedCameron’sringinmyfist.
“HowmuchindebtistheVasquezfarmin?”Ididn’tneedtosaymore.Iknewmyfatherunderstood.
“Bigdebt.”
Inoddedmyhead.“Josie.Howdiditevenhappen?”
Myfather’seyesnarrowed,andanyothertime,thatlookwouldhavebeenenoughtosilenceme.ButIsuddenlydidn’tcare.Ididn’twanthisrespect.Ionlywantedanswers.“IalwaysmadesureJosephinewastakencareofgrowingup.Iprovidedforher.Iinvestedinthetownsoshedidn’thavetogrowupinthesamesadplacewhereIwasborn.”
Heletspeoplebelievehe’sfromMiami,buthe’snot.ThosehadbeenMom’swords.
Andthat’showthenextandlastpieceofthepuzzlefellintoplace.DadwasfromGreenOak.
“Thatwasnevermyplace,”hestated,asifitwassomecardhecouldplay.Asifthatwasmeanttojustifyeverythinghe’dsaidordone.“Iwasalwaysmeantforgreaterthings.That’swhyIpackedmybagsthemomentIcould,leavingnothingandnoonebehind.Ionlyreturnedonce.Shortlybeforemeetingyourmother.”Hesighed.“Butitnevermeantanything,itwasjustacarelessnightthatI’vebeenpayingforallmylife.”EyesthatwerenothinglikeJosie’slookedatme.“I’mnotproudofit,butIdon’tregretmydecisions.”
“You’renotproudofit,”Irepeatedhiswords.Asad,hopelesshuffleftme.“Youtalkaboutasmart,beautiful,hardworkingwomanlikeshe’ssomebadinvestmentyoudon’twanttothinkabout.”Ishookmyhead.Suddenlyneedingtomove.Ibracedbothhandsonthebackofthechairinfrontofme.Lookeddownbeforemeetinghisgaze.“Didyoueverintendformetotakeover?”
HisshoulderssunkwithwhatIknewwasrebuff.“Youcouldhaveanyrolewithinourportfolio.Realestate,infrastructurecompanies,evenoneoftheresortsweown.Haveyourpick.Butnottheclub.I’msellingtheMiamiFlamestoDavidandhisfather.”Hewalkedaroundhisdesk.“It’sdecided.”
Iremainedquiet.Hewasnotgettingit.Dadwasn’tgettinganyofthis.
“You’llmovepastyourinfatuationwiththeclub.”Hishandssmoothedoutthelapelsofhisjacket.“Itwasdyingaslowdeathanyway,ithasbeenforadecadenow,sobehappywe’llmakeaprofitthankstoyourlittleimpromptubreakdownandthatsponsordealDavidhasinline.”
Thankstome,oratmyexpense?Iwantedtoask.
Butitdidn’tmatter.Itdidn’tmatterthatmyfatherwasallowingthatenergydrinktosponsortheteamortakingtheirmoney.Nothingreallymattered.
Thishadneverbeenaboutlegacyorinfatuation,notevenmoney.
“Sellthegoddamnclub,”Iheardmyselfsay.Myfatherwincedback.“Thiswasneveraboutme.OrtheFlames.Itwasaboutyou.”Myhandflewtomychestagain,clutchingCameron’sring.Iknewwhatbeingshielded,caredfor,protectedwas.Cameronhadclaimedtobeselfish,butIsawnowhowwronghe’dbeen.He’ddoneallofthatselflessly.Forme.Withmybestinterestatheart.Evenifhe’dmadeamistake.“It’sonyouifyoudon’twanttounderstand.”
Iturnedaround,makingmywaytotheexit.
“Adalyn,”myfatherwarned.
Ididn’tstop.“Youhavetwenty-fourhourstotellMomandJosie,”Isaid,notlookingback.“I’mgivingyouthechancenottomakethesamemistakeyoudidwithme.Butifyoudon’ttellthem,Iwill.”Icametoastopinfrontofthedoor.“You’realsorelievingallofthecurrentVasquezdebt.Iguessitwon’thurtwithallthatprofitmybreakdownmadeyou.”
Iopenedthedoor,nohesitation,onlyonegoalinmind.
AndwhenIspokenext,itwaswithonethought,oneman,oneplaninmind,andonefootontheotherside.Atthebeginningoftherestofmylife.“Oh,andincaseitwasn’tclear?Iresign.”CHAPTERTHIRTY-SEVEN
Cameron
Ipressedthephonetomyear,feelingmyknucklescrack.
“Pickup,pickup,”Ibegged.Prayed.“Comeon,love.Pickupthephone.”
WhenthevoiceIwasdyingtohearnevercame,Icursedundermybreath.Ihungup,stoppingmyselffromthrowingthedamnthingoutofthecabwindow.
Christ,wherewasshe?Hadsomethinghappened?Whywasn’tshepickingupherphone?ItwassogoddamnlateandI—
Myphonerang.
Ipickedupimmediately.
“Cameron,”Adalynsaid.Mynameoffherlipsflewstraighttomygut.Chest.Heart.“Cam?”
“Whereareyou.”Iheardmyselfbark.Iclosedmyeyes.Thiswasn’tthewaytowinherback.TogrovellikeIwasdeterminedto.ToshowherItrustedher.“I—Whereareyou,love?Ineedanaddress.”
Voicesinthebackgroundgotthrough.Afemaleoneandamaleone.Wasshelisteningtome?
“Adalyn?”
“OhGod,you’renotgoingtobelievethis,”shesaid.Andwhywashervoicebreaking?“Myfather—I—OhGod.I’vebeensostupid.Iwishyouwerehere.I—”
“I’minMiami,I’mcomingtoyourightnow,butIneedyoutotellmewhereyouare.”
Somethingthatsoundedalotlikeasoblefther,andChrist,myfingerstightenedaroundthephoneinmyhand.Adalynspoke.“I’monmywayoutoftheMiamiFlamesgrounds.IwasgoinghomewhenIsawallyourmissedcalls.”
“Canyouwaitthereforme?”Forthefirsttimeinhours,Ibreathedalittleeasier.“Don’tgohomeyet.I’mcomingtoyou.Just…waitforme.Please.”
“But—”shestarted.
ButIwasalreadybarkingatthedriver,“Canyoudrivefaster?”Theguyshotmeaglance.“I’llpayyoudouble.”Hethrottledtheengine.“I’malmostthere,love.”Myhandtightenedaroundthephone.“Iknowyoudidn’tneedmetoday,butfuck,Adalyn.Ihatedhowyouleft,Ihatednotknowingifyou’dcomeback.IthinkIneedtoholdyourhand.Makesureyou’reokay.Just—Dothisforme?Please?Don’tgotoyourapartmentyet.IhaveahundredapologiesIneedtosay.”
“Cameron,”shesaidagain,andmyheartseemedtoskipone,two,fivebeats.“Ididn’tmeanmyapartment.ImeantGreenOak.”Astrangledsoundcamefromthebeautifulandsmartwomanontheotherside.AndIthoughtIstoppedbreathing.“Imeantyou.”
Ispottedwhatwithoutadoubtwerethefacilities.AndwhenweenteredtheparkinglotItoldhim,“Stopthecar.”IpulledmoremoneythanI’dpromisedhimoutofmywalletandclaspedittohisshoulder.
“Sir,youcan’t—”
Oh,butIcould.Iflungopenthecardoorandranthefewyardstotheentranceofwhathadtobetheoffices.Idashedthroughtheglassdoors,andthereshewas.Adalyn,myAdalyn.Shewasrightthere,likeI’dasked,withherphoneatherearandanexpressionofconcern.IrealizedIhadn’thungup.
Oureyesmetacrossthebighall.
Herlipswobbledforaninstant.Andthen,shewasonthemove.
Fuck.NotonceinmylifehadIfeltanurgencythispowerful,thisstrong,towrapmyarmsaroundsomeonegunninginmydirectionatthatspeed.
Adalynlandedagainstmychest,andIbroughthertome,intome,everythingfinallyquietingdown.Theriotclatteringinmyhead,thestormofemotionthathadbeengatheringinmychest.Theworld.Nothingaroundmematteredexcepther.
“ThisiswhereImeant,”shesaidagainstmyneck.“It’syou,Cameron.Iwascomingbacktoyou.”
Myhandclosedaroundthebackofherhead,myfingersslippingintoherhair.Ituggedsoshewouldlookatme.“I’msogoddamnsorry.Tellmeyouforgiveme,please.”Ineededtohearit.Ineededtomakesure.“Tellmeyou’llgivemethechancetoshowyouthatItrustyouandonlywantwhat’sbestforyou.Don’tletthisgobeforeI’vegottenthechancetoshowyouhowgoodwecanbetogether.”
Shesmiled,anditwasthemostbeautifulthingI’deverseen.“Onlyifyoutellmethewords.Theonesyoudidn’twanttosay.”
Iswallowed.Then,slowly,almostasifIwasscaredshewoulddisappear,Iclosedthedistancebetweenourmouths,takingherlipswitheverysingleounceofwhoIwas.ItoldherwitheverythingIhad.
AndonlywhenIknewshe’dfeltthem,Isaid,“BecauseIfuckingloveyou.”Ipressedmyforeheadtohers.“BecauseI’mcrazyaboutyouandI—fuck,Adalyn.I’llbuytheFlamesforyouifthat’swhatyouwant.I’llsitbackandwatchyouconquertheworld.Idon’tknowhowtoexpresshowmuchIcareandwantyou.I’vegivenmyselftoyou,butifthat’snotenoughthenI’lldoanything—”
“Ifuckingloveyou,too,CameronCaldani,”shewhisperedagainstmylips.“AndIonlyneedyou.”
BeforeIwasready,shepulledaway,takingsomethingoutofhershirt.Myringdangledoffthechainaroundherneck,andIknewthenthatI’dmarrythiswomanoneday.I’dgiveherthecats,thebabies,afarmofterrifyingbabygoatsifshewantedone.I’ddoanythinginmypowertogetthatchance.IknewwitheveryounceofwhoIwas.
“There’ssomuchIneedtotellyou,”shesaid,ashadowcrossingherexpression.“StartingwithhowwrongIwasaboutpushingyouawayandthinkingyoudidn’thavemybestinterestatheartbut—”Sheswallowed.“Wait.OhmyGod.Didwewin?Willthegirlsforgiveme?”
We.Thatwedidmein.
Itookhermouthagain,tastedheronmytongue.Iknewshewantedtheanswer,butIwantedher.AndIwasselfishenoughtotakeitwhenIcould.Wecameupforair,herlipsswollen,andhereyesglazed.“Thegirlswillcomearound,andtheGreenWarriorsarethewinnersoftheSixHillsLittleLeague.Thestorywillbealloverthelocalpresstomorrow.Countyandstate.”Hereyeswidened.“Icalledthemmyself.WhentheyheardwhoIwas—”
Adalynmouthparted.“Youdidwhat?”
Athroatwascleared,makingusturn.
Awomanwaslookingatuswithahugesmile.Fuck.Howlonghadshebeenthere?“Sorrytointerrupt,thatwasfireandIwillsurelybefantasizingaboutitmorethanIshouldprobablyadmit,but…”Hereyespointedtoherright.
Ablondmanwaswalking—sauntering,really—throughabarrier,smirkingatawide-eyedsecurityguywhowasavoidingmygaze.Fuck,howmanypeoplehadjustwatchedmeeatmywoman’sface?IguessedIdidn’tcare.
Themanspottedus,andIfeltAdalyntense.
ThatwastheonlyindicationIneededtoknowwhothatwas.
Ireleasedthewomantuckedintomychestandstrodeinhisdirection,ignoringthetwingaspsofsurprisebehindme.“David?”IaskedwhenIreachedhim.
Thewankersmiled.Hesmiled.“Hi—”
Igrabbedhimbythecollar.Gavehimalittletug.Theguywentwhiteasasheet.IwasbeingaNeanderthal.Iknewthat.Thiswasn’tright.ButIcouldn’thelpmyself.“Thankyou,”Itoldhim.Orgrittedbetweenmylips.“Somehow,Ihaveyourstupiditytothankforchangingmylife.”
Themanfrowned,hislipsboppinglikesomefishIsuddenlywantedtothrowaround.Ifeltahandonmyshoulder.Thesimpletouchimmediatelysettlingmedown.“I’msorry,love,”ItoldAdalyn,whowasnowbymyside.IturnedmygazeonDavidandadded,“YouknowhowIhaveameanstreak.”
Davidblinked.“You’re…You’reCameronCaldani.”Heseemedtothinkaboutsomething,thenhiseyesdartedtooneside.“Kelly?Ifyoudon’tputthatphonedown,you’relosingyourjob.”
“Oh,”Kelly,asI’djustlearned,answered.“Iquit.Ioverheardeverythingthatwentoninthatofficetonightandyou’reapieceofshit.”
“Whatthefuck—”Davidstarted.
Itightenedmygrip.“Language.”David’slipsthinned,andIsmiled.Iwasn’tgoingtohithim.Iwantedto,butIdidn’tthinkAdalynwouldseethatasagesture.Plus,I—
Thefingersonmyshouldersqueezed.“Hey,love?”Adalynsaid.
Myeyeswereonherinaheartbeat.“Youcallingmelove?”Iwhispered.“Now,that’splayingdirty.”AlmostasdirtyasthethingsIwasvisualizingdoingtoherwhilesherepeatedthatwordoverandover.
“Oh,Iknow,”sheadmittedwithaflush.“ButIdon’twantyougettingintotroubleforme.”Ihesitatedandherfingerstrailedup,allthewaytomyneck.Sheflickedherfingersalongmyskinthere,andfuck,thiswomanhadmeeatingoutofherpalm.“Please?”
IreleasedDavidwithajerkofmyarms.
Hestumbledbackward,sputtering,“Whatiswrongwithyou?”Hefumbledwithhisshirt,sendingusaglance.“Andsincewhenareyoutwoathing?”
“That’snoneofyourbusiness,”Adalyntoldhim.“Andalso?You’readragonIcanslaymyself.”
BeforeIcouldevenblink,AdalynthrewherfreearmoutandlandedapunchonDavid’sjaw.
Hedoubledoverwithagroan.
“Okay.”IgrabbedAdalynbythewaist,pullingherbackjustincasetherewasanymoreslayingplanned.“Unexpectedbutdeserved.”
Davidrecovered,glancingbackatus.“You’renotgettingawaywiththis.You—”
“Sheis,”Kellysaidfromherspot.“YouthinkthisistheonlythingIhaveonvideo?Bitch,please.IrecordedAdalyn’sconversationwithherfather,amongmanyotherthings.”Sheturnedtowardus.“Shallwegonow?”
Adalynnoddedandturnedaround.Ibroughthertomysideandwalkedoffwithher.“Myfuckingwarrior.”Ipressedakisstothetopofherhead.“Thatwasextremelyarousing,butit’sgoingtohurttomorrow.”
Herlipspinchedinpain.“Italreadydoes,”shemurmured.Igrabbedherhandsinmineandinspectedtheoneshe’dthrownthehookwith.“NexttimeI’llletyoudothepunching.”
Iwasprettysuremywholebodysmiled.“Nexttime?”
Sheshrugged.“Youknow,ifmyexperiencewiththeGreenWarriorsisanythingtogoby…theyouthclubI’mstartingcouldgetmeintosometroubleImightneedassistancegettingoutof.”Icametoamomentaryhalt.“IwasthinkingruralNorthCarolina.Coachingdirectorpositionisopenifyou’reinterested.Ithinkthemanagerwilltryherbesttomakeitworthyourtime.”Sheletoutapuffofairthroughhernose.“Whatdoyouthink?Interested?”
BeforeIknewwhatIwasdoing,herhandwastomymouth.“Interested?”Ipressedmylipstothebackofherfingers.“I’mravenous,love.”
Thosebeautifulbrowneyessparkedwithhappinessandaworldofpossibility,makingmyheartwanttopoundoutofmychestandintoherhands.Inthatmoment,Iwashopelessly,thoroughlyhers.
“Tellmethewords,”Ipleaded,needingtohearthemagain.Everydaythatwastocome.EverynightIwantedhertuckedagainstme.
“Ifuckingloveyou,CameronCaldani,”Adalynsaid.
Ifuckinglovedher,too.
WitheverythingIhad.
Andwhenshegavemethemostbreathtakingsmile,Iknew,withaconvictionI’dneverfeltbefore,thatwiththiswomanbymysideI’dbeinforthefiercest,mostbeautifulgameofmylife.Onewherelosingwasn’tintheodds,andonethatkickedofftoday.Withthiswoman’ssmileandherinmyarms.EPILOGUEAlittleoverayearlater…
Adalyn
Goon,love.
Hedidn’tneedtosaythewords.Icouldseethemwritteninhisface.ItwasoneofthethingsIlovedabouthim,aboutus,thewaywedidn’tneedtoutterawordtoknowwhattheotheronewasthinking.Atouchwasenough.Abrushofhands.Aglance.Atiltofthehead.Atwitchatthecornerofhislips.Asubtlechangetothegreenofhiseyes.
Orinthiscase,asCameronstoodinfrontofthegoalduringtheone-yearanniversaryoftheWarriorsSoccerYouthClub,thestartofalopsidedsmile.
Wewereonthegrass,kickingoffthecelebrationwithaone-on-one,asperpopulardemand.Cameron’sgloveswerestillverymuchhungup—literally,aswehadthemonthewallinouroffice—butinthelastyear,hehadfoundhisplaceonthesidelines,coachingouryoungestfemaledivisionanddirectingthecoacheswe’drecruitedfortheolderones.Hewasstillattendingtherapysessionsontheregulartohelphimdealwiththerepercussionsofthebreak-in,butCameronwasnolongersoreticentaboutstandingtallinthemiddleofcrowdsorattractingattention.I’dalsodonemyfairshareoftherapy,andI’dquicklyrealizedthatitwassomethingIshouldhavedonemuch,muchearlier.NotjusttohavesomeoneshowingmehowI’dbeenbottlingupeveryworryinmyheadinanattemptatcontrollingmylife,orthattherelationshipwithmyfatherhadbeenanunhealthyone,buttolearnthetoolstoprocessthechaosinmyheadandnotletitturnintopanic.
Eitherway,Iwashappy.Wewerehappy.Ididn’tregretcuttingtieswiththeMiamiFlames—notevenwhenDavidseemedtobeearningareputationformakingbadchoicesandtheclubmightbepayingtheconsequences.TherewasapieceofmyheartthatwouldalwaysbelongtotheFlamesbutIwasn’tlookingback.TheMLSwasbehindme,andCameronandIweredevelopingtalent.Itwasthemostgratifyingthingeitherofushadeverdone.WewerebasedsomewherebetweenGreenOakandCharlotte,andwehadkidscomingfromalloverthearea,ruralandurban.Ithadn’tbeeneasytobuildsomethingfromscratch,butwewerebothashardheadedasweweredriven.WiththatandthecontactsCameronandIhadintheindustry,theclubhadtakenoffrelativelyquickly.Nowthegoalwasgrowingenoughtocatertoprofessionalleagues.
Therewasalongroadahead,andstartingoverwasterrifying,butmylifehadneverbeenfuller,richer,orsimplybetter,thanrightnow.Itwasbecauseofthisventureandthecommunitythatclaimedmeastheirs,butitwasalsobecauseofthemanIhadbymyside.ProvidingakindofsafetyIhadn’tknownbeforehim,andmakingeverystepofthewayalittlelessscaryandalotlesslonely.
BecausewithCameron,Ididn’tknowloneliness.Withhim,mysharpedgesdidn’tmatter,Iwaslovedandappreciatedandcherishednotinspiteofthembutbecauseofthem.AndIcouldn’thavebeenhappier.Luckier.Lovedhimanymore.Iremindedhimeveryday.Everynight.EverychanceIgot.
Cameronliftedhishandsinfrontofhim,pinnedmeachallenginglook,andmadeacome-at-megesture.
Cocky,competitiveman.Ilovedthathewasmine.
Ismiledmybiggestsmile,myCameronsmile,andcontinuedmytrajectory,jugglingtheballinmyfeetasIran.Insneakers,bytheway.Cameronwidenedhisstance,hiseyeszeroinginonmeasIenteredthepenaltyarea.
Someonefromthestandsscreamed,“GO,LITTLESIS!KICKHISASS!”
Josie.Mychestwarmed.She’dbecomesuchanimportantpartofmylife.Myconfidant.ThepersonIdidn’tknowIneededuntilsheallbutappearedoutofthinair.Dadhadtriedtomakeamendswithbothofusthroughoutthelastfewmonths.Andwhilewewerestillreluctantlyprocessingeverything,especiallyJosie,we’dfoundsomepeaceintheknowledgethathewasatleasttrying.
Cameronsteppedforward,hisbodylockingintoapositionIknewwasalltechniqueandprowess.Itsaid,showtime.Inarrowedmyeyesathim,focusingonmyaimasIwhirledfortheleft—hisweakestangle.Hesmirkedatthat.SoIthrewmylegback,myownsmirkshapingup.Andkicked,shootingforthetopcornerofthenet.
Hejumped,lunginghisbodyintotheairwithhisarmsup,justlikeI’dseenhiminstructthekidssomanytimesinthelastmonths.Thedisplaywasunnecessary,consideringthespeedtheballcarried,butitwasbeautiful.Powerful.Hot.Extremelyso.Becauseitwashim,sure.Butbecausehewasnotlettingmewin.Cameronneverletmewin.AndIlovedthatabouthim.
Hispalmsblockedtheball.Andwhenhelandedonthegroundwiththesphereclutchedagainsthischest,hedidsosmiling.Grinning.Helookedup,sendingmeanimpressedglancefromthegrassandwinked.
Ohboy.
Thecrowd,whichconsistedoftheclub’skidsandtheirfamilies,cheeredfromthestands.
Tony,whojuggledcollegeandajobasassistantcoachwithus,clappedfromthesidelinesbeforejogginginourdirectiontoretrievetheballandgetitsignedbyeveryoneonthestaff.
“Goodsave,CoachChamomile!”María,whohadcomedownfromGreenOakwithRobbie,hooted.Iturned,immediatelyspottingher.She’dgrownsincelastmonth,whenshe’dcomeoverforagirls-onlysleepoverwithme,Josie,Willow,andPierogi.Shewavedatme.“Iwasjustbeingnice!”sheshoutedbeforeturningaroundandpointingatthebackofhershirt.ItreadTEAMADAandithadaselfieofmeandBrandystampedonit.“I’llalwaysrootforthegirls’team.”
Laughterrolledoffme,rememberingthedayofthepicture.We’dbeensaddledwithbabysittingBrandyforaweekend.IftherewasonegoatCameronwasreluctantlytolerating,itwasBrandy.
Asifsummonedbymymind,Cameron’sarmssnakedaroundmywaist.Iimmediatelyrelaxedagainsthim,andhenudgedthesideofmyneckwithhisnose.
“Thatwasanexcellentshot,love,”hesaidagainstmyskin.
“Oh,Iknow,”Iadmitted.“I’vebeenpracticingwithTony.Watchingtapeofsomeofyouroldgamestolearnhowyoureact.Justforthis.”
Cameron’sheadsnappedup.Hemetmygaze,thegreeninhiseyesdarkening.“That’sincrediblyarousing.”
Mystomachfluttered.ButIshookmyhead.“How’sthatevenpossible?”
“Anythingthatinvolvesyouturnsmeon,”hecountered.Itwasn’talie.Iknewthat.Andhewasn’ttheonlyonefeelingthatway.Himtouchingmerightnow,withhisarmsaroundme,hisscentdeliciouslyfloatingintomylungs,thefeelofhisbodystandingsoclose,itwasallmakingmybloodswirl.Histonguepeekedout,andhewettedhislips.“Doyouthinkwecouldsneakoutwithoutbeingnoticed?Let’ssay…rightnow?”
I’dlovenothingmore.“We’reinthemiddleofaparty,”Isaid,alittletoobreathlessly.“Weliterallykickeditoffjustnow,andwe’resupposedtomakespeeches.”
Cameronhummeddeepinhisthroat.“Howaboutintenminutes?”
Iletoutalaugh.
“Fifteen?Yourofficeormine?”
“You’reimpossible.”
Thecornersofhislipskickedup.“Impossiblyinlovewithyou.”
Dammit.Ikissedhim.Icouldn’tnotkisshimwhenhesaidthosethings.Cameronimmediatelyrearrangedmeinhisarmsandtookoverwithathroatygroan.Hepartedmymouthwithhis,makingmybackarchandmeclimbonmytiptoes.God,Ilovedwhenhedidthat.Itquietedeverything,madetheworldaroundusdisappear.
“So?”hewhisperedagainstmylipswhenwecameupforair.“Fiveminutes?One?Rightnow?It’llbefast.”Hismouthcametomyear.“Fastandhard.”
Myeyesflutteredclosed,butIshookmyhead.Icuppedhisfacewithbothhandsandmadehimlookstraightatmejustsohe’dstopwhisperingdirtywordsinmyearwithacrowdswirlingaround.“Ifuckingloveyou,CameronCaldani,”Itoldhim,andhisfaceimmediatelysoftened.“AndI’dlovenothingmorethanofficesexrightnow.”Heperkedup.“Butwe’renotgoinganywhereuntilIeitherseeorhearthatspeechyou’vewritten.Beforeeverybodyelsedoes.Idon’twantfiguresofspeechorsportsmetaphorsthatmakechildrencry.Ithashappenedonetoomanytimes.”
Asmallfrownshapedhisbrow.“Lasttimeitwasn’tmyfault.Tonyencouragedmetophraseitlikethat.”
“Well,Coach.Maybeyoushouldn’trelyonanineteen-year-old,then.Relyonyourbossinstead.I’llneversteeryouwrongandalwaystellyouwhenyourwordingsucks.”
Hisjawclenched.“That’snothelpingwiththehard-on,love.”
Thatbroughtheattomycheeks,butIrolledmyeyes.“We’resurroundedbypeople,stoptalkingaboutyourhard—”
Athroatwasclearedbehindme.
Josiewasthere,acringeyexpressiononherface.“WhydoIalwayswalkinonyouwhileyou’reeitherabouttohavesexortalkingabouthavingsex?”
Cameronlaughed.Openlyandfreely,likehecouldn’tcarelessaboutscandalizingJosie.Truthwas,Iknewhedidn’t.
Iopenedmymouth,butagroancamefromthephoneIhadn’tseenJosieholdingup.Myphone.I’dgivenhermythingsbeforejumpingonthegrassforthekickoff.Avoicespoke,“Notexactlyexcitedtohearhowoneofmyidolsrilesmybestfriend.”
“Matthew?”Iasked.
Josiemadeafaceandturnedoverthephone.Matthew’sfacefilledthescreen.“Hekeptcallingyou,soIpickedup,”sheexplained.“Doeshealwaystalkthismuch?Nowonderyou’veneverinvitedhimforavisit.”
Ahuffcamefromthephone.“Italktoomuch?Youjustgavemeaten-pointlistofreasonswhyyou’reAdalyn’snewbestfriend.”
“BecauseIam,”Josiepointedoutwithasmile.“I’malsomorethanjustthat.I’mhersister,sogameoverforyou,Iguess.”Sheglancedupatmeandmouthed,He’scute.Butannoying.
Matthewexhaledloudly.“IcanreadlipsandIjustsawyoudoingthat.ThebackcamerawasonsinceyouswitcheditaroundtoshowmethefacilitiesIhadn’tseeninperson.”
Josieshrugged.“Ithoughtyouwantedtobeshownaround.Consideringyouwereneverinvitedandall.”
“Surething,sweetheart,”Matthewdrawled.“YouthinkI’mcute.”
“Andannoying.”
Matthewgrinned.“Stickingwithcute.Ihaveexcellentselectivehearing.”
Josiesnortedandlaunchedherselfintoaspeechthatincludedalistofcelebritiesshethoughtwerecuterthanhim.Matthewlistenedcarefully,asiftakingmentalnotestorefuteher.
Cameron’shandshiftedtomywaist.“That’s…ashockingturnofevents.Ithinkweshouldintervene.”Apause.“ShouldIdoitorwillyou?”
“I’lltakethisonefortheteam,”Isaid,reachingoutandgrabbingthephonefromasurprisinglyreluctantJosie.Sheflushed,whirledaround,andranawaywithaquick“Seeya!”Literally.IfiledthatforlaterandrefocusedonMatthew.“Okay,what’sup?Whywereyoucalling?Somethinghappened?”
“I…”Matthewtrailedoff.Hisexpressionfell.“IsthelodgeyouowninGreenOakfree?”
Ifrowned.
“Yeah,”Cameronsaid,andIcouldhearthesamehintofconcernIwasfeelinginhisvoice.“We’relivingclosertotheclubnow.”
Matthewnodded.“Then,Ihaveafavortoask.”ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Hi,you.Ican’tbelieveyou’restillstickingwithme.Andforthat,notonlydoyoudeserveallthecake(servedbyagrumpybutsecretlysoftman—shirtless,too,becausewhynot?),butyou’vealsoearnedbeingatthetopofmyacknowledgments.Always.Becausewithoutyou,thereader,theblogger,theromancelover,Iwouldn’tbehere.Sothankyouforshowingup,puttingupwithmyendlessshenanigans,andmakingthisdreamstillpossible.ItmakesmesoincrediblyhappyandhonoredthatIgettomakeyousmileandfallinlovewithlovealittlebitmorewithmywords.Ioweyoueverything.
Jess,Andrea,Jenn,andeveryoneatSandraDijkstra,thankyouforbeingthebestdreamteamanauthorcouldeveraskfor.AndJess?Thankyoufor(still)keepingmetogetherwhenIwanttoburstattheseamswithallkindsoffearsthatareveryreasonablesoundinginmyhead.You’remysuperstaragentslashtherapistslashgodmother.Neverleaveme,pls.
Kaitlin,Megan,Morgan,andthebeautifulteamatAtria:Thankyouforalltheincredibleworkyoudotoputmybooksoutthereintheworld.Icannotwaittoseeyouagain,hugyou,fangirloverCameron,andgotogoatyoga.Yes.Sorry,butyoupromised.Idon’tcareifit’sNewYork.Makeithappen.Doitforus.
Molly,Sarah,HarriettandtherestofmyfantasticUKteam:Bythetimethisbookcomesout,I’llbejustabouttofinallymeetyou.Ihopeyou’repreparedtobesqueezed,becauseyou’llsoonlearnthatIamahugger.Thankyousomuchforyourcontinualeffortsandforalwaysbeingthekindesttome.IappreciateyoumorethanIcansay.
Hannah,hi??You’vebeenaveryimportantpartofthesepastfewmonths,andI’msohappyIgettocallyouafriend.I’malsohappyIgettotext-screamatyouandbethatannoyinggirliewhoinsistsonseeingtheglasshalf-full.Can’twaitforthosepicturesofhusbandbyhanposingwithTheLongGame
Mr.B.,wherearemyflowers?Iloveyou,butjeez,man.
MamáyPapá,graciasporsermismayorescheerleaders—andMamá?Stoptakingselfieswithmyreadersatevents,you’restealingmythunder.
María,graciasporestarahí(ysobretodoporaguantarme).Ipromiseyou,I’llintroduceyoutooneofthefirefightersthatworknextdoor.Ijustneedtofigureoutacreativewaytogetstucksomewhere.
Erin,thankyouforbeingthebestbetareaderonecouldaskfor.Ican’tbelieveit’sbeenalmostthreeyearssinceIaskedyoutoreadTSLD.I’msoverygratefulforyou(andyourknowledgeofpoultry).
AndbeforeIgo,IwanttosqueezeafewwordsintosaythatIhopeyouloveCameronandAdalyn’sjourneyasmuchasIdo.Thiswasn’taneasybooktowriteforalong(andfranklyboring)listofreasons.Weallstruggleinonewayoranother.That’swhybothAdalynandCameron(butespeciallyAdalyn)werehandedmorethanafewmessypiecesofmyself.Icanonlyhopeyouseethemagicintheirimperfectionsandvulnerabilitiesandareabletorelatetothem.Hopefully,yougettofindsomehappinessinthem,too—andcomescreamatmeinmyDMs.Becausewritingslow-burnromanceaboutimperfect,stubbornidiotsandnotbeingyelledatis,asJoeywouldsay,“likeFridaywithnotwopizzas.”MorefromtheAuthorTheAmericanRoommateExperiment
TheSpanishLoveDeceptionABOUTTHEAUTHOR
ELENAARMASisaSpanishwriter,self-confessedhopelessromantic,andproudbookhoarder.Now,she’salsotheauthorofinternationalandNewYorkTimesbestsellersTheSpanishLoveDeceptionandTheAmericanRoommateExperiment.Herbooksarebeingtranslatedintomorethanthirtylanguages—whichisbananas,ifyouaskher.
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TheSpanishLoveDeception
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Names:Armas,Elena,author.
Title:Thelonggame/ElenaArmas.
Description:FirstAtriaPaperbackedition.|NewYork,NY:AtriaPaperback,anImprintofSimon&Schuster,Inc,2023.
Identifiers:LCCN2023016632(print)|LCCN2023016633(ebook)|ISBN9781668011300(paperback)|ISBN9781668011317(ebook)
Subjects:LCGFT:Novels.
Classification:LCCPR9155.9.A76L662023(print)|LCCPR9155.9.A76(ebook)|DDC823/.92—dc23/eng/20230414
LCrecordavailableathttps://lccn.loc.gov/2023016632
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ISBN978-1-6680-1130-0
ISBN978-1-6680-1131-7(ebook)