fortheGoddessPartOne
ChapterOne
TheSourceofallthings,theluminescence,hasmoreformsthanheaven’sstars,sure.Andonegoodthoughtisallittakestomakeitshine.Butasinglemistakecanburndownaforestinyourheart,hidingallthestars,inalltheskies.Andwhileamistake’sstillburning,ruinedloveorlostfaithcanmakeyouthinkyou’redone,andyoucan’tgoon.Butit’snottrue.It’snevertrue.Nomatterwhatyoudo,nomatterwhereyou’relost,theluminescenceneverleavesyou.Anygoodthingthatdiesinsidecanriseagain,ifyouwantithardenough.Theheartdoesn’tknowhowtoquit,becauseitdoesn’tknowhowtolie.Youliftyoureyesfromthepage,fallintothesmileofaperfectstranger,andthesearchingstartsalloveragain.It’snotwhatitwas.It’salwaysdifferent.It’salwayssomethingelse.Butthenewforestthatgrowsbackinascarredheartissometimeswilderandstrongerthanitwasbeforethefire.Andifyoustaythere,inthatshinewithinyourself,thatnewplaceforthelight,forgivingeverythingandnevergivingup,soonerorlateryou’llalwaysfindyourselfrightbacktherewhereloveandbeautymadetheworld:atthebeginning.Thebeginning.Thebeginning.
‘Hey,Lin,whatabeginningtomyday!’Vikramshoutedfromsomewhereinthedark,humidroom.‘Howdidyoufindme?Whendidyougetback?’
‘Justnow,’Ianswered,standingatthewideFrenchdoorsthatopenedontothestreet-frontverandaoftheroom.‘Oneoftheboystoldmeyouwerehere.Comeoutforaminute.’
‘No,no,comeonin,man!’Vikramlaughed.‘Meettheguys!’
Ihesitated.Myeyes,brightwithsky,couldn’tseemorethanlumpsofshadowinthedarkroom.AllIcouldseeclearlyweretwoswordsofsunlight,stabbingthroughclosedshutters,piercingswirlingcloudsscentedbyaromatichashishandtheburntvanillaofbrownheroin.
Rememberingthatday,thedrug-smellandtheshadowsandtheburninglightcuttingacrosstheroom,I’veaskedmyselfifitwasintuitionthatheldmethereatthethreshold,andstoppedmefromgoingin.I’veaskedmyselfhowdifferentmylifemight’vebeenifI’dturnedandwalkedaway.
Thechoiceswemakearebranchesinthetreeofpossibility.Forthreemonsoonsafterthatday,Vikramandthestrangersinthatroomwerenewbranchesinaforestwesharedforawhile:anurbanwoodlandoflove,deathandresurrection.
WhatIrememberclearly,fromthatflinchofhesitation,thatmomentIdidn’tthinkwasimportantatallatthetime,isthatwhenVikramsteppedfromthedarknessandgrabbedmyarm,draggingmeinside,Ishiveredatthetouchofhissweatinghand.
Ahugebed,extendingthreemetresfromtheleft-handwall,dominatedthebigrectangularroom.Therewasaman,oradeadbody,itseemed,dressedinsilverpyjamasandstretchedoutonthebed,withbothhandsfoldedacrosshischest.
Hischest,sofarasIcouldtell,didn’triseorfall.Twomen,oneontheleftofthestillfigure,oneontheright,satonthebedandpreparedchillumpipes.
Onthewallabove,directlyovertheheadofthedeadordeeplysleepingman,wasahugepaintingofZoroaster,theprophetoftheParsifaith.
AsmyeyesadjustedtothedarknessIsawthreelargechairs,sep-aratedbytwoheavyantiquechestsofdrawerssetagainstthefarwalloppositetheveranda,withamansittingineachofthem.
Therewasaverylarge,expensivePersiancarpetonthefloor,andvariousphotographsoffigureswearingtraditionalParsidress.Tomyright,oppositethebed,ahi-fisystemrestedonamarble-toppeddresser.Twoceilingfansrotatedjustslowlyenoughnottoirritatethecloudsofsmokeintheroom.
Vikramledmepastthebedtomeetthemansittinginthefirstofthethreechairs.Hewasaforeigner,likemyself,buttaller:hislongbodyandevenlongerlegssprawledinthechairasifhewasfloatinginabath.Iguessedhimtobeaboutthirty-fiveyearsold.
‘ThisisConcannon,’Vikramsaid,urgingmeforward.‘He’sintheIRA.’
Thehandthatshookminewaswarmanddryandverystrong.
‘FocktheIRA!’hesaid,pronouncingthefirstwordintheaccentofNorthernIreland.‘I’manUlsterman,UVF,butIcan’texpectaheathencuntlikeVikramtounderstandthat,canI?’
Ilikedtheconfidentgleaminhiseye.Ididn’tliketheconfidentwordsinhismouth.Iwithdrewmyhand,noddingtohim.
‘Don’tlistentohim,’Vikramsaid.‘Hetalksalotofweirdshit,butheknowshowtopartylikenoforeignerIevermet,letmetellyou.’
Hepulledmetowardthesecondmanintherowofchairs.JustasIapproachedhim,theyoungmanpuffedalightahashishchillum,litbythemanfromthethirdchair.Astheflamefromthematcheswassuckedintothepipe,asuddenburstoffireleapedfromthebowlofthechillumandflaredabovetheyoungman’shead
‘Bomshankar!’Vikramshouted,reachingoutforthepipe.‘Lin,thisisNaveenAdair.He’saprivatedetective.HonesttoGod.AndNaveen,thisisLin,theguyI’vebeentellingyouabout.He’sadoctor,intheslum.’
Theyoungmanstoodtoshakemyhand.
‘Youknow,’hesaidwithawrysmile,‘I’mnotmuchofadetective,yet.’
‘That’sokay,’Ismiledbackathim.‘I’mnotmuchofadoctor,period.’
Thethirdman,who’dlitthechillum,tookapuffandofferedmethepipe.Ismileditaway,andhepasseditinsteadtooneofthemenonthebed.
‘I’mVinson,’hesaid,withahandshakelikeabig,happypuppy.‘StuartVinson.I’veheard,like,alotaboutyou,man.’
‘EverycunthasheardaboutLin,’Concannonsaid,acceptingapipefromoneofthemenonthebed.‘Vikramgoesonandonaboutyou,likeafuckin’groupie.Linthis,Linthat,andLintheotherfuckin’thing.Tellme,haveyousuckedhiscockyet,Vikram?Washeanygood,orisitalltalk?’
‘Jesus,Concannon!’Vinsonsaid.
‘What?’Concannonasked,eyeswide.‘What?I’monlyaskin’themanaquestion.India’sstillafreecountry,isn’tit?Atleast,thepartswheretheyspeakEnglish.’
‘Don’tmindhim,’Vinsonsaidtome,shrugginganapology.‘Hecan’thelpit.Hehas,like,AssholeTourette’sorsomething.’
StuartVinson,anAmerican,hadastrongphysique,wide,clearfeaturesandathickshockofwind-strewnblondehair,whichgavehimthelookofaseaadventurer,asoloyachtsman.Infact,hewasadrugdealer,andaprettysuccessfulone.I’dheardabouthim,justashe’dheardaboutme.
‘ThisisJamal,’Vikramsaid,ignoringVinsonandConcannonandintroducingmetothemansittingontheleftofthebed.‘Heimportsit,rubsit,rollsitandsmokesit.He’saOneManShow.’
‘OneManShow,’Jamalrepeated.
Hewasthin,chameleon-eyed,andcoveredinreligiousamulets.Istartedcountingthem,hypnotisedbyholiness,andgottofivemajorfaithsbeforemyeyesstrayedintohissmile.
‘OneManShow,’Isaid.
‘OneManShow,’herepeated.
‘OneManShow,’Isaid.
‘OneManShow,’herepeated.
Iwould’vesaiditagain,butVikramstoppedme.
‘ThisisBillyBhasu,’Vikramsaid,gesturingtowardthesmall,veryslight,cream-skinnedmansittingontheothersideofthestillfigure.BillyBhasuputhispalmstogetherinagreeting,andcontinuedtocleanoneofthechillums.
‘BillyBhasuisabringer,’Vikramannounced.‘He’llbringwhateveryouwant.Anythingatall,fromagirltoanicecream.Testhim.It’strue.Askhimtofetchyouanicecream.He’llbringit,rightnow.Askhim!’
‘Idon’twant–’
‘Billy,gogetLinanicecream!’
‘Atonce,’Billyreplied,puttingthechillumaside.
‘No,Billy,’Isaid,raisingapalm.‘Idon’twantanicecream.’
‘Butyouloveicecream,’Vikramobserved.
‘Notenoughtosendsomebodyforit,Vikram.Settledown,man.’
‘Ifhe’sgonnabringsomethin’,’Concannoncalledfromtheshadows,‘myvote’sfortheicecreamandthegirl.Twogirls.Andheshouldfuckin’getonwithit.’
‘Youhearthat,Billy?’Vikramurged.
HesteppedclosertoBilly,andbegantodraghimfromthebedfortheicecream,butavoice,deepandresonant,camefromthepronefigureonthebed,andVikramfrozeasifhewasfacingagun.
‘Vikram,’thevoicesaid.‘You’rekillingmyhigh,man.’
‘Oh,shit!Oh,shit!Oh,shit!Sorry,Dennis,’Vikramstuttered.‘IwasjustintroducingLinaround,toalltheguys,and–’
‘Lin,’thefigureonthebedsaid,openinghiseyestostareatme.
Theyweresurprisinglylight,grey-colouredeyes,withavelvetradiance.
‘Myname’sDennis.I’mgladtomeetyou.Makeyourselfathome.Micasa,essucasa.’
Isteppedforward,shookthelimpbird’swingthatDennisraisedforme,andsteppedbackagaintothefootofthebed.Dennisfollowedmewithhiseyes.Hismouthsettledintoagentlesmileofbenediction.
‘Wow!’Vinsonsaidsoftly,comingtostandbesideme.‘Dennis,man!Goodtoseeyouback!Like,howwasitontheotherside?’
‘Quiet,’Dennisintoned,stillsmilingatme.‘Veryquiet.Untilafewmomentsago.’
ConcannonandNaveenAdair,theyoungdetective,joinedus.EveryonewasstaringatDennis.
‘Thisisabighonour,Lin,’Vikramsaid.‘Dennisislookingatyou.’
Therewasalittlesilence.Concannonbrokeit.
‘That’snice,thatis!’hegrowled,throughatoothysmile.‘Isithereforsixfuckin’months,sharemywitandwisdom,smokin’yourdopeanddrinkin’yourwhiskey,andyouonlyopenyoureyestwice.Linwalksinthedoorandyou’restaringathimlikehewasonfuckin’fire.WhatamI,Dennis,atotalcunt?’
‘Like,totally,man,’Vinsonsaidquietly.
Concannonlaughedhard.Denniswinced.
‘Concannon,’hewhispered,‘Iloveyoulikeafriendlyghost,butyou’rekillingmyhigh.’
‘Sorry,Dennislad,’Concannongrinned.
‘Lin,’Dennismurmured,hisheadandbodyperfectlystill,‘pleasedon’tthinkmerude.I’llhavetorestnow.Itwasapleasuretomeetyou.’
HeturnedhisheadonedegreetowardVikram.
‘Vikram,’hemurmured,inthatsonorous,rumblingbasso.‘Pleasekeepitdown.You’rekillingmyhigh,man.I’dappreciateitifyou’dstop.’
‘Ofcourse,Dennis.Sorry.’
‘BillyBhasu?’Dennissaidsoftly.
‘Yes,Dennis?’
‘Fucktheicecream.’
‘Fucktheicecream,Dennis?’
‘Fucktheicecream.Nobodygetsicecream.Nottoday.’
‘Yes,Dennis.’
‘Areweclearontheicecream?’
‘Fucktheicecream,Dennis.’
‘Idon’twanttohearthewordsicecreamforatleastthreemonths.’
‘Yes,Dennis.’
‘Good.Now,Jamal,pleasemakemeanotherchillum.Abig,strongone.Agiganticone.Alegendaryone.Itwouldbeanactofcompassion,notfarfromamiracle.Goodbye,allandeveryone,hereandthere.’
Dennisfoldedhishandsacrosshischest,closedhiseyesandsettledintohisrestingstate:death-likerigidityatfivebreathsaminute.
No-onemovedorspoke.Jamal,lip-lockurgent,preparedalegendarychillum.TheroomstaredatDennis.IseizedVikrambytheshirt.
‘Comeon,we’reouttahere,’Isaid,pullingVikramwithmeoutoftheroom.‘Goodbye,allandeveryone,hereandthere.’
‘Hey,waitforme!’Naveencalledafterus,rushingoutthroughtheFrenchdoors.
Backonthestreet,freshairstirredVikramandNaveenawake.Theirstepsquickened,matchingmine.
Thebreezedriventhroughashadedcorridorofthree-storeybuildingsandleafyplanetreesbroughtwithitthestrong,workingscentofthefishingfleetatnearbySassoonDock.
Poolsofsunlightspilledthroughgapsbetweenthetrees.AsIpassedfromshadetolight,splashingintoeachnewpoolofwhiteheat,Ifeltthesunfloodingintomeandthendrainingawaywiththeshadowtide,beneaththetrees.
Theskywashaze-blue:glasswashedupfromthesea.Crowsrodeontherooftopsofbusestocoolerpartsofthecity.Thecriesofhandcartpullerswereconfidentandfierce.
ItwasthekindofclearBombaydaythatmakesBombaypeople,Mumbaikars,singoutloud,andasIpassedamanwalkingintheoppositedirection,InoticedthatwewerebothhummingthesameHindilovesong.
‘That’sfunny,’Naveenremarked.‘Youwerebothonthesamesong,man.’
Ismiled,andwasabouttosingafewmorelines,aswedoonblueglassBombaydays,whenVikramcutacrossuswithaquestion.
‘So,howdiditgo?Didyougetit?’
OneofthereasonswhyIdon’tgotoGoaveryoftenisthateverytimeIgotoGoa,someoneasksmetodosomethingdownthere.WhenI’dtoldVikram,threeweeksearlier,thatIhadamissioninGoa,he’daskedmetodosomethingforhim
He’dleftoneofhismother’sweddingjewelswithaloanshark,ascollateralforacashloan.Itwasanecklaceinsetwithsmallrubies.Vikramrepaidthedebt,butthesharkrefusedtoreturnthenecklace.HetoldhimtocollectitinGoa,inperson.KnowingthatthesharkrespectedtheSanjayCompanymafiagangIworkedfor,Vikramaskedmetovisithim.
I’ddoneit,andI’dretrievedthenecklace,butVikramhadover-estimatedtheloanshark’srespectforthemafiaCompany.Hekeptmewaitingforaweekofwastedtime,duckingoutofonemeetingafteranother,leavingoffensivemessagesaboutmeandtheSanjayCompanyuntilfinallyagreeingtohandthenecklaceover.
Bythen,itwastoolate.Hewasashark,andthemafiaCompanyhe’dinsultedwasasharkboat.IcalledinfourlocalguyswhoworkedfortheSanjayCompany.Webeatthegangstersthatstoodbetweenhimandusuntiltheyran.
Weconfrontedtheshark.Hehandedoverthenecklace.Thenoneofthelocalguysbeathim,inafairfight,andkeptonbeatinghim,inanunfairfight,untilthewiderpointaboutrespectwasmade.
‘Well?’Vikramasked.‘Didyougetit,ornot?’
‘Here,’Isaid,takingthenecklacefrommyjacketpocketandhandingittoVikram.
‘Wow!Yougotit!IknewIcouldcountonyou.DidDannygiveyouanytrouble?’
‘Scratchthatsourceofloansfromyourlist,Vikram.’
‘Thik,’hesaid.Okay.
Hepouredthejewellednecklacefromitsbluesilkpouch.Therubies,firedwithsunlight,bledintohiscuppedpalms.
‘Listen,I’m…I’mgonnatakethishometomyMom.Rightnow.CanIgiveyouguysaliftinmycab?’
‘You’regoingtheotherway,’Isaid,asVikramflaggeddownapassingcab.‘I’mgonnawalkbacktomybike,atLeopold’s.’
‘Ifyoudon’tmind,’Naveenaskedsoftly,‘I’dliketowalksomeofthewaywithyou.’
‘Suityourself,’Ireplied,watchingVikramputthesilkpouchinsidehisshirtforsafekeeping.
HewasabouttostepintothetaxibutIstoppedhim,leaninginclosetospeakquietly.
‘Whatareyoudoing?’
‘Whatdoyoumean?’
‘Youcan’tlietomeaboutdrugs,Vik.’
‘Whatlying?’heprotested.‘Shit,Ijusthadafewlittlepuffsofbrownsugar,that’sall.Sowhat?It’sConcannon’sstuff,anyway.Hepaidforit.I–’
‘Takeiteasy.’
‘Ialwaystakeiteasy.Youknowme.’
‘Somepeoplecansnapoutofahabit,Vikram.Concannonmightbeoneofthem.You’renotoneofthem.Youknowthat.’
Hesmiled,andforafewsecondstheoldVikramwasthere:theVikramwhowould’vegonetoGoaforthenecklacewithoutanyhelpfromme,oranyoneelse;theVikramwhowouldn’thaveleftapieceofhismother’sweddingjewellerywithaloansharkinthefirstplace.
Thesmilefoldedfromhiseyesashegotintothetaxi.Iwatchedhimaway,worriedforthedangerinwhathewas:anoptimist,ruinedbylove.
Istartedwalkingagain,andNaveenfellinbesideme.
‘Hetalksaboutthatgirl,theEnglishgirl,alot,’Naveensaid.
‘It’soneofthosethingsthatshould’veworkedout,butrarelydo.’
‘Hetalksaboutyoualot,too,’Naveensaid.
‘Hetalkstoomuch.’
‘HetalksaboutKarlaandDidierandLisa.Butmostlyhetalksaboutyou.’
‘Hetalkstoomuch.’
‘Hetoldmeyouescapedfromprison,’hesaid.‘Andthatyou’reontherun.’
Istoppedwalking.
‘Nowyou’retalkingtoomuch.Whatisthis,anepidemic?’
‘No,letmeexplain.Youhelpedafriendofmine,Aslan…’
‘What?’
‘Afriendofmine–’
‘Whatareyoutalkingabout?’
‘ItwasnearBallardPieronenight,late,acoupleofweeksago.Youhelpedhimoutofatightspot.’
Ayoungman,runningtowardmethroughBallardEstateaftermidnight,thewidestreetamerchant’sbluffoflockedbuildingsonbothsides,noescapewhentheotherscame,andtheyoungmanstopping,streetlightsthrowingtreeshadowsontheroad,theyoungmanstandingtofightthemalone,andthennotalone.
‘Whataboutit?’
‘Hedied.Threedaysago.I’vebeentryingtofindyou,butyouwereinGoa.I’mtakingmychancetotellyounow.’
‘Tellmewhat?’
Heflinched.Iwashard-facedonhim,becausehe’dtalkedabouttheprisonbreak,andIwantedhimtogettothepoint.
‘Hewasmyfriend,incollege,’hesaidevenly.‘Helikedroaming,atnight,indangerousplaces.LikeIdo.Likeyoudo,orelseyouwouldn’thavebeenthere,tohelphimoutthatnight.Ithought,maybe,you’dliketoknow.’
‘Areyoukidding?’
Wewerestandinginthinshade.Wewereinchesapart,whilethechurnofthecausewaywoundaroundus.
‘Whatdoyoumean?’
‘Youputprisonescapeonthetable,justsoyoucanbringmethesadtidingsofAslan’sdemise?Isthatwhatyou’retellingme?Areyounuts,orareyoureallythatnice?’
‘Iguess,’hesaid,hurtandgettingangry,‘I’mreallythatnice.Toonicetothinkyou’dtakewhatI’msayingforanythingbutwhatitis.IregretthatItroubledyou.It’sthelastthingIwouldwanttodo.Iapologise.I’lltakemyleave.’
Istoppedhim.
‘Wait!’Isaid.‘Wait.’
Everythingabouthimwasright:thehoneststare,theconfidentstance,andthelightinhissmile.Instinctchoosesherownchildren.Myinstinctslikedthekid,theyoungmanstandinginfrontofmelookingsobraveandhurt.Everythingabouthimwasright,andyoudon’tseethatoften.
‘Okay,myfault,’Isaid,raisingahand.
‘Noproblem,’hereplied,relaxingagain.
‘So,let’sgobacktoVikramtellingyouaboutaprisonbreak.See,that’sthekindofinformationthatmightraiseInterpol’sinterest,andalwaysraisesmyinterest.Youseethat,right?’
Itwasn’taquestion,andheknewit.
‘FuckInterpol.’
‘You’readetective.’
‘Fuckdetectives,too.Thisisthekindofinformationaboutafriendthatyoudon’thidefromafriend,whenyoucometoknowit.Didn’tanybodyeverteachyouthat?Igrewuponthesestreets,righthere,andIknowthat.’
‘Butwe’renotfriends.’
‘Notyet,’Naveensmiled.
Ilookedathimforawhile.
‘Youlikewalking?’
‘Ilikewalkingandtalking,’hesaid,fallingintostepwithmeintheserpentlinesofpeopletraffic.
‘FuckInterpol,’hesaidagain,afterawhile.
‘Youreallydoliketalking,don’tyou?’
‘Andwalking.’
‘Okay,sotellmethreeveryshortwalkingstories.’
‘Sure.Fine.Walkingstorynumberone?’
‘Dennis.’
‘Youknow,’Naveenlaughed,dodgingawomancarryingahugebundleofscrappapersonherhead,‘thatwasmyfirsttimethere,too.Otherthanwhatyousawwithyourowneyes,IcanonlytellyouwhatI’veheard.’
‘Soheardme.’
‘Hisparentsdied.Hithimprettyhard,theysay.Theywereloaded.Theyhadthepatentforsomething,anditwasworthalot.Sixtymillion,toDennis.’
‘That’snotasixty-million-dollarroombackthere.’
‘Hismoney’sintrust,’hereplied,‘whilehe’sinhistrance.’
‘Whilehe’slyingdown,youmean?’
‘It’smorethanlyingdown.DennisisinastateofSamadhiwhenhesleeps.Hisheartbeatandhisbreathingslowdownuntiltheyapproachzero.Quiteoften,he’stechnicallydead.’
‘You’refuckin’withme,detective.’
‘No,’helaughed.‘Severaldoctorshavesigneddeathcertificatesinthelastyear,butDennisalwayswokeupagain.Jamal,theOneManShow,hasacollectionofthem.’
‘Okay,soDennisisoccasionallytechnicallydead.Thatmustbetoughonhispriest,andhisaccountant.’
‘Whilehe’sinhistrance,Dennis’sestateismanagedintrust,leavinghimenoughtobuytheapartmentwejustvisited,andmaintainhimselfinamannersuitabletotheparametersofhistrancestates.’
‘Didyouhearallthis,ordetectiveit?’
‘Bitofboth.’
‘Well,’Isaid,pausingawhiletoletacarreverseinfrontofus.‘Whateverhisgig,IcantrulysayIneversawanyoneliedownbetterinmylife.’
‘Nocontest,’Naveengrinned.
Weboththoughtaboutitforawhile.
‘Secondstory?’Naveenasked.
‘Concannon,’Isaid,movingon.
‘Heboxesatmygym.Idon’tknowalotabouthim,butIcantellyoutwothings.’
‘Whichare?’
‘Hehasameanlefthookthatbangsagong,butitleaveshimdippingifitmisses.’
‘Uh-huh?’
‘Everytime.Hejabswiththeleft,puncheswiththeright,andalwaysbringsthelefthookstraightoverthetopofit,leavinghimselfwideopenifhedoesn’tconnect.Buthe’squick,andhedoesn’tmissoften.He’sprettygood.’
‘And?’
‘Second,Icansayhe’stheonlyguyImetwhogotmethroughthedoortoseeDennis.Dennisloveshim.Hestayedawakelongerforhimthananybodyelse.IheardthathewantstolegallyadoptConcannon.It’sdifficult,becauseConcannonisolderthanDennis,andIdon’tknowifthere’salegalprecedentforanIndianadoptingawhiteman.’
‘Whatdoyoumean,hegotyouthroughthedoor?’
‘There’sthousandsofpeoplewho’dliketohaveanaudiencewithDennis,whilehe’sinhistrance.Theybelievethatwhilehe’stemporarilydead,hecancommunicatewiththepermanentlydead.Almostnobodycangetin.’
‘Unlessyouwalkup,andknockonthedoor.’
‘Youdon’tgetit.Nobodywoulddaretowalkupandknockonthedoor,whileDennisisinhistrance.’
‘Comeon.’
‘Nobody,thatis,untilyoudid.’
‘WealreadycoveredDennis,’Isaid,pausingtoletafour-manhandcartpass.‘BacktoConcannon.’
‘LikeIsaid,heboxesatmygym.He’sastreetfighter.Idon’tknowmuchabouthim.Heseemslikeapartyguy.Helovesaparty.’
‘He’sgotamouthonhim.Youdon’tkeepamouthlikethattohisagewithouthavingsomethingtobackitup.’
‘AreyousayingIshouldwatchhim?’
‘Onlythewrongsideofhim.’
‘Andthethirdstory?’heasked.
Ilefttheroadwherewe’dbeenwalking,andstraddledthehand-widthfootpathforafewsteps.
‘Wherearewegoing?’heasked,followingme.
‘I’mgoingtogetajuice.’
‘Ajuice?’
‘It’sahotday.What’sthematterwithyou?’
‘Oh,nothing.Cool.Ilovejuice.’
Thirty-ninedegreesinBombay,chilledwatermelonjuice,fanstooclosetoyourheadturneduptothree:bliss.
‘So…what’swiththeprivatedetectivething?Isthatforreal?’
‘Yeah.Itstartedbyaccident,kindof,butI’vebeendoingitforalmostayearnow.’
‘Whatkindofaccidentturnssomeoneintoadetective?’
‘Iwasdoingalawdegree,’hesmiled.‘Gotmostofthewaythere.Inmyfinalyear,Iwasresearchingapaperonprivatedetectives,andhowtheyimpactthecourtsystem.Prettysoon,theonlythingthatinterestedmewasthedetectivepartofit,andIdroppedout,togiveitashot.’
‘How’sitworkingout?’
Helaughed.
‘Divorceishealthierthanthestockexchange,andwaymorepredictable.Ididafewdivorcecases,butIstopped.Iwaswithanotherguy.Hewasteachingmetheropes.He’sbeenscopingdivorceforthirty-fiveyears,andstilllovesit.Ididn’t.Itwasalwaysuniqueforthemarriedmen,havingtheaffairs.Itwasalwaysthesamesadmovieforme.’
‘Andsinceyouleftthelushpasturesofdivorce?’
‘I’vefoundtwomissingpets,amissinghusband,andamissingcasseroledishsofar,’hesaid.‘Itseemsthatallofmyclients,Godblessthem,arepeopletoolazyorpolitetodoitforthemselves.’
‘Butyoulikeit,thedetectivething.Yougetarush,right?’
‘Youknow,Ithinkatthisendofthestoryyougetthetruth.Asalawyeryou’reonlyeverallowedaversionofthetruth.Thisistherealthing,evenifit’sjustastolenheirloomcasseroledish.It’stherealstory,beforeeverybodyliesaboutit.’
‘Areyougonnastickwithit?’
‘Idon’tknow,’hesmiled,lookingawayagain.‘DependsonhowgoodIam,Iguess.’
‘Orhowbadyouare.’
‘OrhowbadIam.’
‘We’realreadyonstorynumberthree,’Isaid.‘NaveenAdair,Indian–Irishprivatedetective.’
Helaughed,whiteteethfoaminginthewakeofit,butthewavefadedquickly.
‘Notmuchtoit,really.’
‘NaveenAdair,’Ipronounced.‘Whichpartkickedyouinthearsemore,theIndianpart,ortheIrishpart?’
‘TooAnglofortheIndians,’helaughed,‘andtooIndianfortheAnglos.Myfather…’
Jaggedpeaksandlostvalleys,fortoomanyofus,arethelandscalledfather.Climbingoneofthosepeaksbesidehim,Iwaiteduntilhecrestedtheconversationagain.
‘Welivedonthefootpath,afterheabandonedmyMother.Wewereonthestreet,untilIwasfive,butIdon’treallyrememberitmuch.’
‘Whathappened?’
Heraisedhisgazetothestreet,eyesfloatingonthetideofcolourandemotion,movingbackandforth.
‘Hehadtuberculosis,’theyoungdetectivesaid.‘Hemadeawill,namingmyMother,anditturnedoutthathe’dmadealotofmoney,somehow,soweweresuddenlyrich,and…’
‘Everythingchanged.’
Helookedatmeasifhe’dtoldmetoomuch.
Thefan,onlyinchesfrommyhead,wasgivingmeanice-creamheadache.Igesturedtothewaiter,andaskedhimtoturnitdownanotch.
‘You’recold?’hescoffed,hishandontheswitch.‘Letmeshowyoucold.’
Heturnedthefantoblizzardfive.Ifeltmycheeksbeginningtofreeze.Wepaidthebillandleft,hearinghisgoodbye.
‘Tabletwo,freeagain!’
‘Ilovethatplace,’Naveensaidasweleft.
‘Youdo?’
‘Yeah.Greatjuice,nastywaiters.Perfect.’
‘YouandImightgetalong,detective.Wemightjustgetalong.’ChapterTwo
Thepast,belovedenemy,hasbadtiming.ThoseBombaydayscomebacktomesovividlyandsuddenlythatsometimesI’mshakenfromthehourI’min,andlosttothetask.Asmile,asong,andI’mbackthere,sleepingsunnymorningsaway,ridingamotorcycleonamountainroad,ortiedandbeatenandbeggingFateforanevenbreak.AndIloveeveryminuteofit,everyminuteoffriendorfoe,offlightandforgiveness:everyminuteoflife.Butthepasthasawayoftakingyoutotherightplaceatthewrongtime,andthatcanbeastorminside.
Ishouldbebitter,Iguess,aftersomeofthethingsI’vedone,andhaddonetome.PeopletellmeIshouldbebitter.Acononcesaid,You’dbeatopbloke,ifyoujusthadalittlespiteinyou.ButIwasbornwithoutit,andI’veneverknownspiteorbitterness.IgotangryandIgotdesperateanddidbadthingstoooften,untilIstopped,butIneverhatedanyone,orconsciouslywishedanyoneharm,notevenmenwhotorturedme.Andwhileasmallmeasureofbitternessmight’veprotectedmefromtimetotime,asitsometimesdoes,I’velearnedthatsweetmemoriesdon’twalkthroughcynicaldoors.AndIlovemymemories,evenwhentheyhavebadtiming:rememberedminutesofsunlightstakingoutpatchesontree-linedBombaystreets,offearlessgirlsflashingthroughtrafficonscooters,ofhandcartpullersstrainingundertheloadbutsmiling,andthosefirstmemoriesofayoungIndian-IrishdetectivenamedNaveenAdair.
Wewalkedontheroadsilentlyforawhile,passingbetweencarsandstreamsofpeople,swayingbackandforthbetweenthebicyclesandhandcartsinthedanceofthestreet.
InthewidedoorwayoftheFireBrigadebuilding,agroupofmeninheavynavy-blueuniformschattedandlaughed.Insidethefirehousethereweretwolargefiretrucks,shimmeringsunlightfromeverypolishedredorchromesurface.
AnextravagantlydecoratedHanumanshrinewasfixedtoonewall,andbesideitasignsaid:
IFYOUCAN’TSTANDTHEHEAT,GETOUTOFTHEBURNINGBUILDING.
Furtheralong,weenteredtheshoppingdistrict,spillingoutfromtheColabamarket.Glassmerchants,pictureframers,timberandhardwarestores,electricalgoods,andplumbers’suppliesgraduallygavewaytoclothing,jewelleryandfoodstores.
Atthewideentrancetothemarketitselfwehadtostop,asseveralheavytrucksmadetheirwayoutintothemauloftrafficonthemainroad.
‘Listen,’hesaidaswewaited.‘Youwereright,aboutVikramtalkingtoomuch.Butitendswithme.I’llnevertalkaboutittoanyoneelsebutyou.Never.Andifyoueverneedme,hey,man,I’mthere.That’sallI’mtryingtosay.ForAslan,andwhatyoudidthatnight,ifyoudon’twantittobeforyou.’
Itwasn’tthefirsttimethatIlookedoutfromtheredexilemylifehadbecome,intoeyesalightwithfires,burningoncliff-topsofthewordescape.Inmyfugitiveyears,Isometimesfoundfastfriendshipinthesongofrebellion:intheloyaltyotherspledgedtomyescapefromthesystem,asmuchastome
Theywantedmetostayfree,inpart,becausetheywantedsomeonetoescapeandstayfree.IsmiledatNaveen.Itwasn’tthefirstorlasttimeIwentwiththeriverinside.
‘Howdoyoudo,’Isaid,offeringmyhand.‘I’mLin.I’mnotadoctorintheslum.’
‘Pleasedtomeetyou,’Naveenreplied,shakingmyhand.‘I’mNaveen,andthankyou.It’salwaysgoodtoknowwho’snotthedoctor.’
‘Andwho’snotthepolice,’Iadded.‘Howaboutadrink?’
‘Don’tmindifwedo,’herepliedgraciously.
JustatthatmomentIhadthesenseofsomeonestandingtooclosetomyback.Iturnedhard.
‘Hangabout!’GeminiGeorgeprotested.‘Easydoesitwiththeshirt,mate.That’sfiftypercentofmywardrobe,I’llhaveyouknow!’
IcouldfeelthebonesofhisthinbodyagainstmyknucklesasIreleasedmygrip.
‘Sorry,man,’Isaid,straighteningthefrontofhisshirt.‘Creepin’uponpeoplelikethat.Shouldknowbetter,Gemini.It’llendintearsoneday.’
‘Myfault,mate,’GeminiGeorgeapologised,lookingaroundner-vously.‘Gotabitofaproblemlike,y’know?’
Iputmyhandinmypocket,butGeministoppedme.
‘Notthatsortofproblem,mate.Well,tobehonest,thatisaproblem,butit’ssuchaconstantproblem,youknow,bein’broke,thatit’sbecomemoreofameta-culturalstatement,sortofagrimbutcompellingpenurysoundtrack,knowwhatImean?’
‘No,man,’Isaid,handinghimsomemoney.‘What’stheproblem?’
‘Canyouwait?I’lljustgetScorpio.’
‘Sure.’
Geminilookedleftandright.
‘You’llwait?’
Inoddedandheduckedawaypastanearbystallthatofferedsmallmarblefiguresofgodsforsale.
‘MindifIhangwithyou?’Naveenasked.
‘Noproblem,’Isaid.‘NosecretsaresafewithGeminiandScorpio,especiallytheirown.Theycouldhavetheirownradiostation.I’dlisten,iftheydid.’
MomentslaterGeminireappeared,draggingthereluctantScorpiowithhim.
TheZodiacGeorges,oneGeorgefromsouthLondonandtheotherfromCanada,wereinseparablestreetguys.Theyweremildlyaddictedtosevendrugs,andcompletelyaddictedtooneanother.Theysleptinarelativelycomfortablewarehousedoorway,andmadealivingrunningerrands,sourcingdrugsforforeigncustomers,andoccasionallysellinginformationtogangsters.
Theybickeredandfoughtfromthefirstyawntothelaststumbleintosleep,buttheylovedeachother,andweresoconstantintheirfriendshipthateveryonewhoknewthemlovedtheZodiacGeorgesforit:GeminiGeorgefromLondon,andScorpioGeorgefromCanada.
‘Sorry,Lin,’Scorpiomumbled,whenGeminidraggedhimclose.‘Iwasundercover,like.It’sthistroublewiththeCIA.Youmust’veheardaboutit.’
‘TheCIA?Can’tsayIhave.ButI’vebeeninGoa.What’sup?’
‘There’sthisgeezer,’Geminicutin,whilehistallerfriendnoddedquickly.‘Snow-whitehair,butnotanoldguy,withadarkbluesuitandtie,abusinessmantype–’
‘OrtheCIA,’Scorpiocutin,leaningclosetowhisper.
‘ForChrissakes,Scorpio!’Geminispluttered.‘WhatthefuckwouldtheCIAwantwiththelikesofus?’
‘Theyhavethesemachinesthatcanreadourminds,’Scorpiowhispered,‘eventhroughwalls.’
‘Iftheycanreadourminds,there’snopointwhisperin’,isthere?’Geminidemanded.
‘Maybetheyalreadyprogrammedustowhisper,whiletheyreadourminds.’
‘Iftheyreadyourmind,they’llrunscreamin’throughthestreets,youfuckin’twat.It’sawonderIdon’trunscreamin’throughthestreetsn’all,innit?’
TherewasnoreliablemapofthesidetrackstheZodiacGeorgestookwhenargumentmeandered,andnotimelimit.Iusuallylikedit,butnotalways.
‘Tellmeaboutthewhite-hairedguyinthesuit.’
‘Wedon’tknowwhoheis,Lin,’Geminisaid,returningtothemoment.‘Buthe’sbeenaskin’aboutScorpioatLeopold’sandotherplacesforthelasttwodays.’
‘It’stheCIA,’Scorpiorepeated,hiseyeslookingforsomewheretohide.
Geminilookedatme,hisfacecryingwhy-was-I-born.Hetriedtobepatient.Hetookabreath.Itdidn’twork.
‘Ifit’stheCIA,andtheycanreadourminds,’heshoutedatScorpiothroughclenchedteeth,‘they’dhardlybegoin’roundaskin’questionsaboutus,wouldthey?They’djustwalkrightup,tapusontheshoulderandsayHey!Wejustreadyourmind,oldson,withourmind-readingmachine,andwedidn’thavetoaskquestionsaboutyou,orfollowyouaround,becausewehavemind-readingmachinesthatreadpeople’sminds,becausewe’rethefuckingCIA,wouldn’tthey?Wouldn’tthey?’
‘Well…’
‘Washeaskingafteryoubyname?’Naveenasked,hisyoungfaceserious.‘Andisheaskingafterbothofyou,orjustScorpio?’
BothmenlookedatNaveen.
‘ThisisNaveenAdair,’Isaid.‘He’saprivatedetective.’
Therewasapause.
‘Fuckin’hell,’Geminimuttered.‘Notveryprivate,isit,goin’roundannouncin’it,righthereinthefruitandvegetablemarket?That’smorelikeapublicdetective,innit?’
Naveenlaughed.
‘Youdidn’tanswermyquestions,’hesaid.
Therewasanotherpause.
‘What…kindofdetectiveishe?’Scorpioaskedsuspiciously.
‘He’sadetective,’Isaid.‘It’slikeapriest,youpayonce.Answerthequestions,Scorpio.’
‘Youknow,’Scorpiosaid,lookingatNaveenthoughtfully,‘cometothinkofit,theguyhasonlybeenaskingafterme,notGemini.’
‘Where’shestaying?’Naveenasked.
‘Wedon’tknowyet,’Geminisaid.‘Wedidn’ttakeitseriously,atfirst.Butnow,it’sbeentwodays.It’sstartin’togetabitspookyforScorpio,andhe’sspookedenough,knowwhatImean?Oneofthestreetboyshasbeenfollowin’thewhite-hairedgeezertoday,andweshouldknowwherehe’sstayin’prettysoon.’
‘Ifyouwant,I’lllookintoit,’Naveensaidsoftly.
GeminiandScorpiolookedatme.Ishrugged.
‘Yeah,’Scorpioagreedquickly.‘Hell,yeah.Pleasetrytofindoutwhothisguyis,ifyoucan.’
‘We’vegottagettothebottomofthis,’Geminiaddedfervently.‘Scorpio’sgotmesoaggravated,Iwokeupwithmehandsaroundmeownneck,thismornin’.It’scometoaprettypass,whenamanstrangleshimselfinhisownsleep.’
‘Whatshouldwedonow?’Scorpioasked.
‘Stayoutofsight,asmuchaspossible,’Naveensaid.‘LetLinknow,ifyoufindoutwheretheguy’sstaying.OrleaveamessageformeattheNatrajbuilding,onMerewether.NaveenAdair.’
TherewasalittlesilencewhiletheZodiacGeorgeslookedatoneanother,thenatNaveen,thenbackatme.
‘Soundslikeaplan,’Isaid,shakinghandswithGemini.
ThemoneyI’dgivenhimwasenoughforatleasttwooftheirfavouritedrugs,afewsoftdaysinaroughhotel,cleanclothesfromtheirfrequentlyunpaidlaundryman,andadietoftheBengalidessertstheyloved.
Theywriggledintothecamouflageofthecrowdedstreet,ScorpiostoopingtoputhisheadbesidetheLondoner’sastheywalked.
‘Whatdoyoumakeofit?’IaskedNaveen.
‘I’msmellinglawyer,’herepliedcarefully.‘I’llseewhatpopsupfromthetoaster.Ican’tguaranteearesult.I’manamateur,remember.’
‘Anamateurisanyonewhohasn’tlearnedhownottodoit,’Isaid.
‘Notbad.Isthataquote?’
‘Itis.’
‘Whosaidit?’
‘AwomanIknow.What’sittoyou?’
‘CanImeether?’
‘No.’
‘Please.’
‘Whatisitwithyouandmeetinghard-to-meetpeople?’
‘ItwasKarla,wasn’tit?Anamateurisanyonewhohasn’tlearnedhownottodoit.Nice.’
Istopped,standingclosetohim.
‘Let’smakeadeal,’Isaid.‘Youdon’tmentionKarlaagain,tome.’
‘That’snotadeal,’hesaid,smilingeasily.
‘Gladyouunderstand.Wewerenotmindingifwedohaveadrink,remember?’
WewalkedintoLeopold’sbeer-and-curry-scentedcave.Itwaslateafternoon,thelullbeforethestormoftourists,drugdealers,blackmarketers,racketeers,actors,students,gangsters,andgoodgirlswithaneyeforbadboyssqualledinthroughthewidearchestoshout,eat,drinkandchancetheirsoulsonthewetrouletteofLeopold’sthirtyrestauranttables.
ItwasDidier’sfavouritetimeinthebar,nudgingoutsecondplace,whichwaseveryotherhourthatthebarwasopen,andIfoundhimsittingaloneathisregulartable,setagainstthebackwall,withaclearviewofallthreeentrances.
Hewasreadinganewspaper,holdingthepagesatarm’slength.
‘Holyshit,Didier!Anewspaper!Youshouldwarnpeopleaboutashocklikethat.’
Iturnedtothewaiter,uneponymouslynamedSweetie,whowasloiteringwithintent,hispinknametagloiteringsidewaysonhisjacket.
‘What’sthematterwithyou,Sweetie?Youshould’veputasignoutside,orsomething.’
‘Fuckyouverymuch,’Sweetiereplied,shiftingamatchfromonesideofhismouthtotheotherwithhistongue.
Didiertossedthenewspaperaside,andhuggedme.
‘Youwearthesunwell,’hesaid.
Heheldmeforamoment,examiningmewithforensicthoroughness.
‘Youlooklikethestand-out.Thatistheexpression?Notthestaractor,buttheonewhotakesallthepunishment.’
‘Theexpressionisstand-in,butI’lltakestand-out.Sayhellotoanotherstand-out,NaveenAdair.’
‘Ah,thedetective!’Didiersaid,shakinghandswarmly,andrunningaprofessionaleyeoverNaveen’stall,athleticframe.‘I’veheardallaboutyou,frommyjournalistfriend,KavitaSingh.’
‘Shecoveredyou,too,’Naveenrepliedwithasmile.‘AndmayIsay,it’sanhonourtomeetthemanbehindallthestories.’
‘Ididnotexpectayoungmanofsuchimpeccablemanners,’Didierrespondedquickly,gesturingtowardthechairs,andsignallingtoSweetie.‘Whatwillyouhave?Beers?Sweetie!Threeverychilledbeers,please!’
‘Fuckyouverymuch,’Sweetiemumbled,hisend-of-shiftslippersdraggingtothekitchen.
‘He’sarepellentbrute,’Didiersaid,watchingSweetieleave.‘ButIfeelmyselfstrangelydrawntotheeffortlessnessofhismisery.’
Wewerethreemenatthetable,butweallsatinalinewithourbackstothewall,facingacrossthescatteroftablestothewidearches,opentothestreet.Didierlethiseyesrovearoundtherestaurant:acastaway,scanningthehorizon.
‘Well,’hesaid,inclininghisheadtowardme.‘TheadventureinGoa?’
Itookasmallpackageofletterswrappedinblueribbonsfrommypocket,andhandeditacross.Didiertookthebundleandcradleditinhispalmsforamoment,asifitwereaninjuredbird.
‘Didyou…didyouhavetobeathimforthem?’heaskedme,stillstaringattheletters.
‘No.’
‘Oh,’hesighed,lookingupquickly.
‘ShouldIhave?’
‘No,ofcourse,not,’Didierexplained,sniffingbackatear.‘Didiercouldnotpayforsuchathing.’
‘Youdidn’tpaymeatall.’
‘Technically,inpayingnothing,Iamstillpaying.AmIright,Naveen?’
‘Ihavenoideawhatyou’retalkingabout,’Naveenreplied.‘So,ofcourse,Iagreewitheverything.’
‘It’sjust,’Didiersniffed,lookingattheletters,‘Iratherthoughthemighthaveputupsomelittlefight,perhaps,tokeepmyloveletters.Some…someshowoflingeringaffection.’
IrecalledthelookofsimianhatredonthefaceofGustavo,Didier’sex-lover,ashescreamedcursesonDidier’sgenitals,andhurledthelittlebundleoflettersintoarubbishpitbelowthebackwindowofhisbungalow.
Ihadtopiercehisearwithmythumbnailtomakehimclimbintothepit,retrievetheletters,wipethemcleanandhandthemtome.
‘No,’Isaid.‘Affectionhasmovedon.’
‘Well,thankyou,Lin,’Didiersighed,puttingthelettersinhislapasthebeersarrived.‘Iwouldhavegonedowntheremyselftogettheletters,butforthatlittlematteroftheoutstandingarrestwarrantinmyname,inGoa.’
‘You’vegottakeeptrackofthesewarrants,Didier,’Isaid.‘Ican’tkeepup.Youcouldpaperaroomwithmyfakeyellowslips.It’swearingmeout,clearingyouofallcharges.’
‘ButthereareonlyfouroutstandingarrestwarrantsinallofIndia,Lin.’
‘Onlyfour?’
‘Atonetime,itwasnine.IthinkitmustbethatIambecoming…reformed,’Didierpuffed,curlinghislipsatthedistastefulword.
‘Aslander,’Naveenobserved.
‘Why,thankyou.You…areaveryagreeableyoungman.Doyoulikeguns?’
‘I’mnotgoodwithrelationships,’Naveenanswered,finishinghisbeerandstanding.‘Icanonlybondwiththeguninmyhand.’
‘Icanhelpyouwiththat,’Didierlaughed.
‘I’llbetyoucan,’Naveenlaughedback.‘Lin,thatguyinthesuit,theonefollowingtheZodiacGeorges,I’lllookintoit,andgetbacktoyouhere.’
‘Becareful.Wedon’tknowwhatthisis,yet.’
‘It’scool,’hesmiled,allfearless,immortalyouth.‘I’lltakemyleave.Didier,ithasbeenapleasureandanhonour.Goodbye.’
Wewatchedhimoutintotheearlyeveninghaze.Didier’sbrowsedgedtogether.
‘What?’Iaskedhim.
‘Nothing!’heprotested.
‘What,Didier?’
‘Isaidnothing!’
‘Iknow,butIalsoknowthatlook.’
‘Whatlook?’hedemanded,asifI’daccusedhimofstealingmydrink.
DidierLevywasinhismid-forties.Thefirstpowdersnowofwinterwovespiralsthroughhisdark,curlyhair.Soft,brilliantlyblueiriseshoveredintheanemonepatchworkofredveinsfillingthewhitesofhiseyes,makinghimseemyounganddissoluteinthesamesmile:themischievousboystillhidinginsidetheruiningman.
Hedrankanykindofalcohol,atanytimeofthedayornight,dressedlikeadandy,longafterotherdandiesmeltedintheheat,smokedtailor-madejointsfromabespokecigarettecase,wasaprofessionalatmostcrimes,themasterofafew,andwasopenlygay,inacitywherethatwasstillanoxymoron.
I’dknownhimforfiveyears,throughstrugglesagainstenemies,withinandwithout.Hewasbrave:thekindofmanwho’llfaceagunwithyouandneverrun,nomatterwhatthefall.
Hewasauthentic.Heexpressedtheuniquenesswhenwhatweare,iswhatwe’refreetobecome.I’dknownhimthroughlostloves,alarminglust,andkneelingepiphanies,hisandmine.AndI’dspentenoughofthoselong,lonelywolfnightswithhimtolovehim.
‘Thatlook,’Irepeated.‘Thelookthatsaysyouknowsomethingthateverybodyelseshouldknow.ThelookthatsaysItoldyouso,beforeyoutellmeanythingatall.Sotellme,beforeyoutoldmeso.’
Didier’soutragedexpressioncrumbledinsmiles,andfellintoalaugh.
‘Itismoreofatoldmeso,’hesaid.‘Ilikethatboyverymuch.MorethanIexpectedto.AndmorethanIshould,becausethisNaveenAdair,hehasareputation.’
‘Ifreputationswerevotes,we’dbepresidentsofsomewhere.’
‘True,’hereplied.‘Butthisboy’sreputationcarriesawarning.Awordtothewise,isn’tthattheexpression?’
‘Itis,butI’vealwayswonderedwhythewiseneedaword.’
‘Itissaidthatheisvery,verygoodwithhisfists.Hewasaboxingchampionathisuniversity.HecouldhavebeenthechampionofIndia.Hisfistsaredeadlyweapons.AndasIhaveheard,heisveryquick,tooquickperhaps,toprovokeintousingthem.’
‘You’renoslouchintheprovokingdepartment,Didier.Anditdoesn’ttakeastickthroughthebarstogetmegoing.’
‘Manymenhavealreadyfallentotheirkneesbeforethatyounglife.Itisnotagoodthing,inamansoyoung,toseesomuchsubmission.Thereisalotofbloodbehindthatcharmingyoungsmile.’
‘There’salotofbloodbehindyourcharmingsmile,myfriend.’
‘Thankyou,’henodded,acceptingthecomplimentwithalittletossofthegreyingcurls.‘I’msimplysayingthatfromwhatIhaveheard,Iwouldverymuchprefertoshootthathandsomeyoungfellowthantofighthim.’
‘Thenit’saluckythingyoucarryagun.’
‘I’m…ifyou’llexcusethelapse…beingserious,Lin,andyouknowhowmuchcontemptIhaveforseriousthings.’
‘I’llkeepitinmind.Promise.I’dbettergo.’
‘You’releavingmeheretodrinkalone,andyou’regoinghometoher?’Didiermocked.‘Youthinkshe’swaitingforyou,afteralmostthreeweeksinGoa?Whatmakesyouthinkshehasn’tleftyouforsomegreenerpastures,astheEnglishsay,withsuchcharmingprovincialism.’
‘Iloveyou,too,brother,’Isaid,shakinghishand.
Iwalkedoutintothebreathingstreet,turningoncetoseehimholdingupthelittlebundleoflovelettersI’dretrievedforhim,andwavinggoodbye.
Itstoppedme.Ifelt,asItoooftendid,thatIwasabandoninghim.Itwasfoolish,Iknew:Didierwasarguablythemostself-sufficientcontrabandistinthecity.Hewasoneofthelastindependentgangsters,owingnothing,notevenfear,tothemafiaCompanies,copsandstreetgangsthatcontrolledhisillegalworld.
Buttherearesomepeople,someloves,thatworryeverygoodbye,andleavingthemislikeleavingthecountryofyourbirth.
Didier,myoldfriend,Naveen,mynewfriend,andBombay,myIslandCity,forsolongasshe’dhaveme:eachofusdangerous,inourdifferentways.
ThemanIwas,whenIarrivedinBombayyearsbefore,wasastrangerinanewjungle.ThemanIbecamelookedoutatstrangers,fromthecoverofthejunglestreet.Iwasathome.Iknewmywayaround.AndIwasharder,maybe,becausesomethinginsidemewasmissing:somethingthatshould’vebeenthere,nexttomyheart.
Iescapedfromprison,Didierescapedfrompersecution,Naveenescapedfromthestreet,andthesoutherncityescapedfromthesea,hurledintoitsislandexistencebyworkingmenandwomen,onestoneatatime.
Iwavedgoodbye,andDidiersmiled,touchingtheloveletterstohisforehead.Ismiledback,anditwasokay:okaytoleavehim.
Nosmilewouldwork,nogoodbyewouldpray,nokindnesswouldsave,ifthetruthinsideuswasn’tbeautiful.Andthetrueheartofus,ourhumankind,isthatwe’reconnected,atourbest,bypuritiesoflovefoundinnoothercreature.ChapterThree
ItwasashortridefromLeopold’stomyapartment.Ileftthebusytouristcauseway,crossedtheroadpasttheColabapolicestation,andcruisedontothecornerknowntoeverytaxidriverinBombayasElectricHouse.
Arightturndowntheleafystreetbesidethepolicestationgavemeaviewintoacornerofthecellblock.I’dspenttimeinthosecells.
Myrebeleyesfoundthehigh,barredwindowsasIrodebyslowly.Alittlecascade,memories,thestinkofopenlatrines,themassofmenfightingforaslightlycleanerplacenearthegatebulliedthroughmymind.
AtthenextcornerIturnedthroughthegatethatgaveaccesstothecourtyardoftheBeaumontVillabuilding,andparkedmybike.Noddingtothewatchman,Itookthestairsthreeatatimetothethird-floorapartment.
Ientered,ringingthebellafewtimes.Iwalkedthroughthelivingroomtothekitchen,droppingmybagandkeysonthetableasIpassed.Notfindingherthereorinthebedroom,Imovedbackintothelivingroom.
‘Hi,honey,’Icalledout,inanAmericanaccent.‘I’mhome.’
Herlaughrippledfrombehindtheswirlingcurtainsontheterrace.WhenIshovedthecurtainsasideIfoundherkneeling,withherhandsintheearthofagardenaboutthesizeofanopensuitcase.Alittleflockofpigeonscrowdedaroundher,peckingforcrumbs,andpesteringoneanotherfussily.
‘Yougotoallthetroubleofmakingagardenouthere,girl,’Isaid,‘andthenyouletthebirdswalkalloverit.’
‘Youdon’tgetit,’Lisareplied,turningaquamarineeyesonme.‘Imadethegardentobringthebirds.It’sthebirdsIwantedinthefirstplace.’
‘You’remyflockofbirds,’Isaid,whenshestoodtokissme.
‘Oh,great,’shemocked.‘Thewriter’shomeagain.’
‘Andsodamnpleasedtoseeyou,’Ismiled,beginningtodragherwithmetowardthebedroom.
‘Myhandsaredirty!’sheprotested.
‘Ihopeso.’
‘No,really,’shelaughed,breakingaway.‘We’vegottatakeashower–’
‘Ihopeso.’
‘You’vegottatakeashower,’shepersisted,circlingawayfromme,‘andchangeyourclothes,rightaway.’
‘Clothes?’Imockedbackather.‘Wedon’tneednostinkingclothes.’
‘Yes,wedo.We’regoingout.’
‘Lisa,Ijustgotback.Twoweeks.’
‘Nearlythreeweeks,’shecorrectedme.‘Andthere’llbeplentyoftimetosayhello,beforewesaygoodnight.Ipromise.’
‘Helloissoundingalotlikegoodbye.’
‘Helloisalwaysthefirstpartofgoodbye.Gogetwet.’
‘Wherearewegoing?’
‘You’llloveit.’
‘ThatmeansI’mgonnahateit,aren’tI?’
‘Anartgallery.’
‘Oh.Great.’
‘Fuckyou,’shelaughed.‘Theseguysaregood.They’reontheedge,Lin.They’rereal-dealartists.You’regonnalovethem.Andit’sareallyimportantshow.Andifwedon’thurry,we’llbelate.AndI’msogladyougotbackintime.’
Ifrowned.
‘Comeon,Lin,’shelaughed.‘Withoutart,whatisthere?’
‘Sex,’Ireplied.‘Andfood.Andmoresex.’
‘There’llbeplentyoffoodatthegallery,’shesaid,shovingmetowardtheshower.‘Andjustthinkhowgratefulyourlittleflockofbirdswillbewhenyoucomehomefromtheartgallerythatshereally,really,reallywantsyoutotakeherto,andthatwe’llmiss,ifyoudon’thittheshowerrightnow!’
Iwaspullingmyshirtoffovermyheadinthestall.Sheturnedontheshowerbehindme.Watercrashedontomybackandmyjeans.
‘Hey!’Ishouted.‘Thesearemybestjeans!’
‘Andyou’vebeeninthemforweeks,’shecalledbackfromthekitchen.‘Second-bestjeanstonight,please.’
‘AndI’vestillgotyourpresent,’Ishouted.‘Righthere,inthepocketofthesejeansyoujustgotsoakingwet!’
Shewasatthedoor.
‘Yougotmeapresent?’sheasked.
‘Ofcourse.’
‘Good.Verysweet.Let’slookatitlater.’
Sheslippedoutofsightagain.
‘Yeah,’Icalledback.‘Let’sdothat.Afterallthatfunatthegallery.’
AsIfinishedtheshower,Iheardherhumming,asongfromaHindimovie.Bychance,orbythesynchronicitiesthatcurlwithinthespiralchambersoflove,itwasthesamesongthatI’dbeensingingonthestreet,walkingwithVikramandNaveenonlyhoursbefore.
Andlater,aswegatheredourthingsfortheride,wehummedandsangthesongtogether.
Bombaytrafficisasystemdesignedbyacrobatsforsmallelephants.TwentyminutesofmotorcyclefungotustoCumballaHill,amoneybeltdistricthitchedtothehipsofSouthBombay’smostprestigiousmountain.
IpulledmymotorcycleintoaparkingareaoppositethefashionablycontroversialBackbeatGallery,atthecommencementoffashionablyorthodoxCarmichaelRoad.Expensiveimportedcarsandexpensivelocalpersonalitiesdrewupoutsidethegallery.
Lisaledusinside,workingherwaythroughthedenselypackedcrowd.Thelongroomheldperhapstwicethesafetylimitofonehundredandfiftypersons,anumberthatwasconspicuouslydisplayedonafire-safetysignneartheentrance.
Ifyoucan’tstandtheheat,getoutoftheburningbuilding.
Shefoundoneofherfriendsatlast,andpulledmeintoananatomicallycloseintroduction.
‘ThisisRosanna,’Lisasaid,squeezedinbesideashortgirlwhoworealarge,ornategoldcrucifix,withthenailedfeetoftheSaviournestledbetweenherbreasts.‘ThisisLin.HejustgotbackfromGoa.’
‘Wemeetatlast,’Rosannasaid,herchestpressingagainstmineassheraisedahandtorunitthroughhershort,spikedhair.
HeraccentwasAmerican,butwithIndianvowels.
‘WhattookyoutoGoa?’
‘Lovelettersandrubies,’Isaid.
RosannaglancedquicklyatLisa.
‘Don’tlookatme,’Lisasighed,shrugginghershoulders.
‘Youaresofuckingweird,man!’Rosannacriedout,inavoicelikeaparrot’spanicwarning.‘Comewithme!You’vegottomeetTaj.Weirdishisfavouritething,yaar.’
Wrigglingherwaythroughthecrowd,Rosannatookustomeetatall,handsomeyoungmanwithshoulder-lengthhairthatwassleekwithperfumedoil.Hewasstandinginfrontofalargestonesculpture,somethreemetrestall,ofawildman-creature.
Theplaquebesidethesculpturepronounceditsname:ENKIDU.TheartistgreetedLisawithakissonthecheek,andthenofferedhishandtome.
‘Taj,’hesaid,givingmeasmileofopencuriosity.‘YoumustbeLin.Lisa’stoldmealotaboutyou.’
Ishookhishand,allowedmyeyestosearchhisforamoment,andthenshiftedmygazetothehugesculpturebehindhim.Heturnedhisheadslightly,followingmyeyes.
‘Whatdoyouthink?’
‘Ilikehim,’Isaid.‘Iftheceilinginmyapartmentwasalittlehigher,andtheflooralittlestronger,I’dbuyhim.’
‘Thanks,’helaughed.
Hereachedupwardstoputahandonthechestofthestonewarrior.
‘Ireallydon’tknowwhatheis.Ijusthadacompulsiontoseehim,standinginfrontofme.It’snotanymorecomplicatedthanthat.Nometaphororpsychologyoranything.’
‘Goethesaidthatallthingsaremetaphors.’
‘That’sprettygood,’hesaid,laughingagain,thesoftbark-browneyesswimmingwithlight.‘CanIquotethat?Imightprintitout,andputitbesidemyfriendhere.Itmighthelpmetosellhim.’
‘Ofcourse.Writersneverreallydie,untilpeoplestopquotingthem.’
‘That’squiteenoughforthiscorner,’Rosannainterrupted,seizingmyarm.‘Now,comeseesomeofmywork.’
SheguidedLisaandmethroughthesmoking,drinking,laughing,shoutingcrowdtothewalloppositethetallsculpture.Spanninghalfthelongwallateyelevelwasaseriesofplasterreliefs.Thepanelshadbeenpaintedtomimicaclassicalbronzefinish,andtoldastoryinconsecutivepanels.
‘It’sabouttheSapnakillings,’Rosannaexplained,shoutingintomyear.‘Youremember?Acoupleofyearsago?Thiscrazyguywastellingservantstoriseupagainsttheirrichmasters,andkillthem.Youremember?Itwasinallthepapers.’
IrememberedtheSapnakillings.AndIknewthetruthofthestorybetterthanRosannadid,andbetterthanmostintheIslandCityofBombay.Iwalkedslowlyfrompaneltopanel,examiningthelongtableauxdepictingfiguresfromthepublicstoryofSapna.
Ifeltlight-headedandoffbalance.TheywerestoriesofmenI’dknown:menwho’dkilled,anddied,andhadfinallybecometinyfiguresfixedinanartist’sfrieze.
Lisapulledonmysleeve.
‘Whatisit,Lisa?’
‘Let’sgotothegreenroom!’sheshouted.
‘Okay.Okay.’
WefollowedRosannathroughaleafyhedgeofkissesandoutstretchedarmsasshehootedandscreechedherwaytothebackofthegallery.Shetappedonthedoorwithalittlerhythmicsignal.
Whenthedooropenedshepushedusthroughintoadarkroomilluminatedbyredmotorcyclelightsstrungonheavycables.
Theroomheldabouttwentypeople,sittingonchairs,couchesandthefloor.Itwasmuchquieterthere.Thegirlwhoapproachedme,offeringajoint,spokeinathroatywhisperthatranahandthroughmyshorthair.
‘Youwannagetfuckedup?’sheaskedrhetorically,offeringthejointinhersupernaturallylongfingers.
‘You’retoolate,’Lisacutinquickly,takingthejoint.‘Fatebeatyoutoit,Anush.’
Shepuffedthejointandpasseditbacktothegirl.
‘ThisisAnushka,’Lisasaid.
Asweshookhands,Anushka’slongfingersclosedallthewayaroundmypalm.
‘Anushka’saperformanceartist,’Lisasaid.
‘Youdon’tsay,’Ididsay.
Anushkaleanedinclosetokissmesoftlyontheneck,thefingersofonehandcuppingthebackofmyhead.
‘Tellmewhentostop,’shewhispered.
Asshekissedmyneck,IslowlyturnedmyheaduntilmyeyesmetLisa’s.
‘Youknow,Lisa,youwereright.Idolikeyourfriends.AndIamhavingfunatthegallery,eventhoughIthoughtIwouldn’t.’
‘Okay,’Lisasaid,pullingAnushkaaway.‘Show’sover.’
‘Encore!’Itried.
‘Noencores,’Lisasaid,bringingmetositonthefloorbesideamaninhisthirties.
Hisheadwasshavedtoabrightpolish,andheworeaburnt-orangekurtapyjamaset.
‘ThisisRish.Hemountedtheexhibition,andhe’sexhibitingworkaswell.Rish,thisisLin.’
‘Hey,man,’Rishsaid,shakinghands.‘Howdoyouliketheshow?’
‘Theperformanceartisoutstanding,’Ireplied,lookingaroundtoseeAnushkaleaningintobiteanunresistingvictim.
Lisaslappedmehardonthearm.
‘I’mkidding.It’sallgood.Andyougotabigcrowd.Congrat-u-lations.’
‘Hopethey’reinabuyingmood,’Lisasaid,thinkingoutloud.
‘Ifthey’renot,Anushkacouldconvincethem.’
Lisaslappedmeonthearmagain.
‘OryoucouldalwaysgetLisatoslapthem.’
‘Wewerelucky,’Rishsmiled,offeringmethejoint.
‘Nothanks.NeverwhenI’vegotapassenger.Luckyhow?’
‘Italmostdidn’thappen.DidyouseethebigRampainting?Theorangeone?’
Thelarge,mainlyorange-colouredpaintingwashangingnexttothestonesculptureofEnkidu.Ihadn’timmediatelyrealisedthatthestrikingcentralfigurewasarepresentationoftheHinduGod.
‘Themoralpolicefromthelunaticreligiousright,’Rishsaid,‘theSpearofKarma,theycallthemselves,theyheardaboutthepaintingandtriedtoshutusdown.WegotintouchwithTaj’sdad.He’satoplawyer,andconnectedtotheChiefMinister.Hegotacourtorder,allowingustoputtheshowon.’
‘Whopaintedit?’
‘Idid,’Rishsaid.‘Why?’
‘Whatmadeyouwanttopaintitinthefirstplace?’
‘AreyousayingthattherearethingsIshouldn’tpaint?’
‘I’maskingyouwhyyouchosetodoit.’
‘Forthefreedomofart,’Rishsaid.
‘Vivalarevolution,’Anushkapurred,sittingdownbesideRishandleaningintohislap.
‘Whosefreedom?’Iasked.‘Yours,ortheirs?’
‘SpearofKarma?’Rosannasneered.‘Crazyfascistfuckers,allofthem.They’renothing.Justafringegroup.Nobodylistenstothem.’
‘Thefringeusuallyworksitswaytothecentrethatignoresorinsultsit.’
‘What?’Rosannaspluttered.
‘That’strue,Lin,’Rishagreed,‘andthey’vedonesomeviolentstuff.Nodoubt.Butthey’remainlyintheregionalcentresandthevillages.Beatinguppriests,andburningdownachurchhereandthere,that’stheirthing.They’llnevergetabigfollowinginBombay.’
‘Viciousfuckingfanatics!’abeardedyoungmanwearingapinkshirtspatoutviciously.‘They’rethestupidestpeopleintheworld!’
‘Idon’tthinkyoucansaythat,’Isaidsoftly.
‘Ijustdid!’theyoungmanshotback.‘Sofuckyou.Ijustsaidit.SoIcansayit.’
‘Okay.Imeantthatyoucan’tsayitwithanyvalidity.Sure,youcansayit.YoucansaythatthemoonisaDiwalidecoration,butitwouldn’thaveanyvalidity.It’ssimplynotvalidtosaythatallthepeoplewhoopposeyouarestupid.’
‘Thenwhatarethey?’Rishasked.
‘IthinkyouprobablyknowthemandtheirwayofthinkingbetterthanIdo.’
‘No,really,makeyourpoint,please.’
‘Okay,Ithinkthey’redevout.Andnotjustdevout,butferventlydevout.Ithinkthey’reinlovewithGod,infatuatedwithGod,actually,andwhentheirGodisdepictedwithoutfaith,it’sfeltasaninsulttothefaithinsidethemselves.’
‘So,you’resayingIshouldn’thavebeenallowedtoputonthisshow?’Rishpressed.
‘Ididn’tsaythat.’
‘Whothefuckisthisguy?’thebeardedyouthaskedno-one.
‘Please,’Rishcontinued.‘Tellmewhatyoudidsay.’
‘Istandforyourrighttocreateandpresentart,butIthinkthatrightscomewithresponsibilities,andthatwe,asartists,havearesponsibilitynottocausefeelingsofhurtandinjuryinthenameofart.Inthenameoftruth,maybe.Inthenameofjusticeandfreedom.Butnotinthenameofart.’
‘Whynot?’
‘Westandontallshoulders,whenweexpressourselvesasartists,andwehavetostaytruetothebestintheartistswhocamebeforeus.It’saduty.’
‘Whothefuckisthisguy?’thebeardedyouthaskedthestringofredmotorcyclelights.
‘So,ifthosepeopleareoffended,it’smyfault?’Rishaskedsoftlyandearnestly.
Iwasbeginningtolikehim.
‘Irepeat,’thebeardedyouthdemanded,‘whothefuckisthisguy?’
Ialreadydidn’tlikethebeardedyouth.
‘I’mtheguywho’sgonnarearrangeyourgrammar,’Isaidquietly,‘ifyouaddressmeinthethirdpersonagain.’
‘He’sawriter,’Anushkayawned.‘Theyargue,because–’
‘Becausetheycan,’Lisainterjected,tuggingatmyarmtoliftmetomyfeet.‘C’mon,Lin.Timetodance.’
Loudmusicthumpedfromheavyfloor-mountedspeakers.
‘Ilovethissong!’Anushkagrowled,jumpingupandpullingRishtohisfeet.‘Dancewithme,Rish!’
IheldLisaforamoment,andkissedherneck.
‘Goahead,’Ismiled.‘Danceyourbrainsout.I’mgonnatakeanotherlookattheexhibition.I’llmeetyououtside.’
Lisakissedmeandjoinedthedancingcrowd.Imovedthroughthedancers,resistingthetidalrollofthemusic.
InthegalleryroomIstoodbeforethebronzeplasterreliefsthatpurportedtotellthestoryoftheSapnakillings.Itriedtodecidewhetheritwastheartist’snightmare,ormine.
Ilostitall.Ilostthecustodyofmydaughter.Isleepwalkedintoheroinaddictionandarmedrobbery.WhenIwascaught,Iwassentencedtoservetenyearsathardlabour,inamaximum-securityprison.
IcouldtellyouIwasbeatenduringthefirsttwoandahalfyearsofthatsentence.Icouldgiveyouhalfadozenothersanereasonsforescapingfromaninsaneprison,butthetruthofit’ssimplythatoneday,freedomwasmoreimportanttomethanmylife.AndIrefused,thatday,tobecaged.Nottoday.Notanymore.Iescaped,andbecameawantedman.
ThefugitivelifetookmefromAustralia,throughNewZealand,toIndia.SixmonthsinaremotevillageinMaharashtragavemethelanguageoffarmers.Eighteenmonthsinacityslumgavemethelanguageofthestreet.
Iwenttoprisonagain,inBombay,asyoudosometimes,whenyou’reontherun.Themanwhopaidmyfreedom-ransomtotheauthoritieswasamafiaboss,Khaderbhai.Hehadauseforme.Hehadauseforeveryone.AndwhenIworkedforhim,nocoppersecutedmeinBombay,andnoprisonofferedhospitality.
Counterfeitingpassports,smuggling,blackmarketgold,illegalcurrencytrading,protectionrackets,gangwars,Afghanistan,vendettas:onewayoranother,themafialifefilledthemonthsandyears.Andnoneofitmatteredmuchtome,becausethebridgetothepast,tomyfamilyandfriends,tomynameandmynationandwhateverI’dbeenbeforeBombaywasgone,likethedeadmenprowlingthroughRosanna’sbronze-colouredfrieze.
Ileftthegallery,mademywaythroughthethinningcrowd,andwentoutsidetositonmymotorcycle.Iwasacrossthestreetfromtheentrance.
Acrowdofpeoplehadgatheredonthefootpath,nearmybike.Mostofthemwerelocalpeoplefromservants’quartersinthesurroundingstreets.They’dgatheredinthecoolnightfalltoadmirethefinecarsandelegantlydressedguestsenteringandleavingtheexhibition.
IheardpeoplespeakinginMarathiandHindi.Theycommentedonthecarsandjewelleryanddresseswithgenuineadmirationandpleasure.Novoicespokewithjealousyorresentment.Theywerepoorpeople,livingthehard,fear-streakedlifecrushedintothelittlewordpoor,buttheyadmiredthejewelsandsilksoftherichguestswithjoyful,unenviousinnocence.
Whenawell-knownindustrialistandhismovie-starwifeemergedfromthegallery,alittlechorusofadmiringsighsrosefromthegroup.Sheworeabejewelledyellowandwhitesari.Iturnedmyheadtolookatthepeople,smilingandmurmuringtheirappreciation,asifthewomanwereoneoftheirownneighbours,andInoticedthreemenstandingapartfromthegroup.
Theirstone-silentstaresweregrim.Malevolencerippledoutwardfromtheirdark,staringeyes:wavessointensethatitseemedIcouldfeelthemsettleonmyskin,likemistedrain.
Andthen,asiftheysensedmyawarenessofthem,theyturnedasoneandstareddirectlyintomyeyes,withclear,unreasoninghatred.Weheldthestare,whilethehappycrowdcooedandmurmuredtheirpleasure,whilelimousinesdrewupinfrontofus,andcamerasflashed.
IthoughtofLisa,stillinsidethegallery.Themenstared,willingdarknessatme.Myhandsmovedslowlytowardthetwoknivesfixedincanvasscabbardsinthesmallofmyback.
‘Hey!’Rosannasaid,slappingmeontheshoulder.
Reflexsentmyhandwhippingaroundtograbherwrist,whiletheotherhandshovedherbackwardsastep.
‘Whoa!Takeiteasy!’shesaid,hereyeswidewithsurprise.
‘I’msorry.’Ifrowned,releasingherwrist.
Iturnedquicklytosearchforthehate-filledeyes.Thethreemenweregone.
‘Areyouokay?’Rosannaasked.
‘Sure,’Isaid,turningtofaceheragain.‘Sure.Sorry.Isitaboutdoneinthere?’
‘Justabout,’shesaid.‘Whenthebigstarsleave,thelightsgoout.Lisasaysyou’renotaGoafan.Whynot?I’mfromthere,youknow.’
‘Iguessed.’
‘So,whathaveyougotagainstGoa?’
‘Nothing.It’sjustthateverytimeIgothere,somebodyasksmetopickuptheirdirtylaundry.’
‘That’snotmyGoa,’shecountered.
Itwasn’tdefensive.Itwassimplyastatementoffact.
‘Maybenot,’Ismiled.‘AndGoa’sabigplace.Ionlyknowacoupleofbeachesandtowns.’
Shewasstudyingmyface.
‘Whatdidyousayitwas?’sheasked.‘Rubiesandwhat?’
‘Rubiesandloveletters.’
‘Butyouweren’tinGoajustforthat,wereyou?’
‘Sure,’Ilied.
‘IfIsaidyouweredownthereforblackmarketbusiness,wouldIbeclosetothemark?’
I’dgonetoGoatocollecttenhandguns.I’ddroppedthemoffwithmymafiacontactinBombay,beforesearchingforVikramtoreturnthenecklace.Blackmarketbusinesswasclosetothemark.
‘Look,Rosanna–’
‘Hasitoccurredtoyouthatyou’retheproblemhere?Peoplelikeyou,whocometoIndiaandbringtroublewedon’tneed?’
‘TherewasalottatroubleherebeforeIcame,andthere’llbeplentyleftwhenI’mgone.’
‘We’retalkingaboutyou,notIndia.’
Shewasright:thetwoknivespressingagainstthesmallofmybackmadethepoint.
‘You’reright,’Iconceded.
‘Iam?’
‘Yeah.I’mtrouble,alright.Andsoareyou,atthemoment,ifyoudon’tmindmesayingit.’
‘Lisadoesn’tneedtroublefromyou,’shesaid,frowninghard.
‘No,’Isaidevenly.‘Nobodyneedstrouble.’
Shestudiedmyfacealittlelonger,herbrowneyessearchingforsomethingwideenoughordeepenoughtogivetheconversationacontext.Finallyshelaughed,andlookedaway,runningaringedhandthroughherspikedhair.
‘Howmanydaysdoestheshowrun?’Iasked.
‘We’resupposedtohaveanotherweekofthis,’sheremarked,lookingatthelastguestsleavingtheexhibition.‘Ifthecraziesdon’tcloseusdown,thatis.’
‘IfIwereyou,I’dpayforsomesecurity.I’dputacoupleofbig,sharpguysonthedoor.Moonlightafewguysfromoneofthefive-starhotels.They’reprettygood,someofthoseguys,andtheoneswhoaren’tstilllookgoodenough.’
‘Youknowsomethingabouttheshow?’
‘Notreally.Isawsomemenoutherebefore.Seriouslyunhappymen.Ithinkthey’reseriouslyunhappywithyourshow.’
‘Ihatethosefuckingfanatics!’shehissed.
‘Ithinkit’smutual.’
IglancedtowardthegallerytoseeLisakissingRishandTajgoodbye.
‘Here’sLisa.’
Iswungalegoverthebike,andkick-startedtheengine.Itgrowledtolife,settlingintoalow,bubblingthrob.LisacametohugRosanna,andtookherplaceonthebackofmybike.
‘Phirmilenge,’Isaid.Untilwemeetagain.
‘NotifIseeyoufirst.’
Werodedownthelongslopetothesea,butwhenwestoppedatatrafficsignal,ablackvanpulledupbesideus,andIturnedtoseethemenwiththehatefulstares.Theywerearguingamongthemselves.
Iletthempullawaywhenthesignalchanged.Therewerepoliticalstickersandreligioussymbolsontherearwindowofthevan.Iturnedoffthemainroadatthefirstcorner.
Werodethroughbackstreetsforawhile,andIworriedforthechangesIwasseeing.Rosanna’sfaux-bronzepanelstoldabrutalBombaystory,butlessbrutalthanthetruth,andlessbrutalthanthepoliticsoffaith.Theviolenceofthepastwasjustsandintheswashofanewwave,breakingontheIslandCity’sshores.Politicalthugstravelledbythetruckload,brandishingclubs,andmafiagangsoftwentyorthirtymenhadgrowntohundredsoffighters.Wearewhatwefear,andmanyofusinthecityfearedrecklessdaysofreckoning.ChapterFour
Ridingslowly,wemadeourwaybacktothesweepingcurveofMarineDrive,followingthenecklaceofreflectionsonthegentlewatersofthebay.Thatfirstglimmerofstarryseastartedustalkingagain,andwewerestilltalkingwhenIpulledthebikeintothedrivewayofourapartmentbuilding,pastthesaluteofthewatchman,andintothecoveredparkingbay.
‘Yougoup,’IsaidtoLisa.‘I’mgonnawipedownthebike.’
‘Now?’
‘Now.I’llberightup.’
WhenIheardLisa’sfootstepsonthemarblestairsIturnedtothewatchman,noddedtohim,andpointedafterher.UnderstandingthatIwantedhimtofollowher,hesetoffquickly,takingthestairstwoatatime.
Iheardheropentheapartmentdoor,andsayhergoodnighttothewatchman.Islippedquicklyoutthroughasidegatetothefootpath.Movingquietly,Imademywayalongthelineoftheleafyhedgeborderingtheapartmentbuilding’sground-floorcarpark.
AsI’dturnedtoentertheparkingareaofthebuilding,I’dseenahuddledfiguredrawbackwardsintotheshadowsofthetallhedge.Someonewashidingthere
IdrewaknifeandcameupquietlytothespotnearthegatewhereI’dseenthefigure.Amansteppedoutinfrontofme,hisbackturned,andbegantomovetowardthecarpark.
ItwasScorpioGeorge.
‘Lin!’Iheardhimwhisper.‘Areyoustillthere,Lin?’
‘Whatthehellareyoudoin’,Scorpio?’Iaskedfrombehindhim,andhejumped.
‘Oh,Lin!Youscaredthecrapouttame!’
Ifrownedathim,wantinganexplanation.
ThepeacepactthathadheldsincethelastbigmafiagangwarinSouthBombaywasfailing.Youngmenwhohadn’tfoughtthewar,ornegotiatedthetruce,wereattackingoneanotherinviolationofrulesthathadbeenwritteninbettermen’sblood.There’dbeenattacksbyrivalgangsinourarea.Iwasvigilant,onguardallthetime,andangryatmyselfforcomingsoclosetohurtingafriend.
‘I’vetoldyouguysaboutcreepin’uponpeople,’Isaid.
‘See…I’msorry…’hebegannervously,lookingleftandright.‘It’s…it’s…’
Distresshadahandonhischest,andhecouldn’tliftittospeak.Ilookedforaplacetotalkwithhim.
Icouldn’tstepintothecarparkwithScorpio.Hewasastreetguy,sleepinginadoorway,andhispresenceinthecompound,ifobservedbyaresidentofthebuilding,wouldleadtocomplaints.Ihadnofearofthosecomplaints,butIknewthatthey’dcostthewatchmanhisjob.
TakingScorpiobythearm,Iledthetall,thinCanadianacrossthestreettoacollapsedwallofcrumbledstones,deepinshadow.Sittingwithhiminthedarkness,Ilitajointandpassedittohim.
‘What’sup,Scorp?’
‘It’sthisguy,’hebegan,puffingdeeplyonthejoint.‘Thisguywiththedarksuit.TheCIAguy.It’screepingmeout,man!Ican’tworkthestreet.Ican’ttalktotourists.It’slikeIseehimeverywhere,inmymind,askingquestionsaboutme.Didyourguy,thatNaveendetectiveguy,didhefindoutanything?’
Ishookmyhead.
‘OneoftheboystailedhimouttoBandra,butthekidranoutoftaximoney,andlosthim.Ihaven’theardanythingbackfromyourguy,Naveen.Ithoughtyoumight’veheardsomething.’
‘No.Nothingyet.’
‘I’mscared,Lin,’ScorpioGeorgesaid,shudderingthefearalonghisspine.‘Allthestreetboyshavetestedhim.Nothin’.Hedoesn’tbuydrugs,doesn’tdrink,notevenbeer.Nogirls.’
‘We’llworkitout,Scorp.Don’tworry.’
‘It’sweird,’Scorpiofrowned.‘I’mreallygoingouttamymind,y’know?’
Ituggedafoldofhundred-rupeenotesfrommypocket,andgaveittohim.Scorpiotookitinafalteringhand,butthenslippeditintoapocketconcealedinsidehisshirt.
‘Thanks,Lin,’hesaid,lookingupquicklytomeetmyeyes.‘Iwaswaitingheretoaskyoutohelpme,becauseIhaven’tbeenonthestreet.Thewatchmantoldmeyouwerestillout.ButthenIsawyouwerewithLisa,andIcouldn’tletherseeme.Ididn’twanttoaskformoneyinfrontofher.Shehasahighopinionofme.’
‘Weallneedmoneysometimes.AndLisaalwayshasahighopinionofyou,whetheryouneedmoneyornot.’
Hehadtearsinhiseyes.Ididn’twanttoseethem.
‘Listen,youandGemini,’Isaid,leadinghimacrossthestreetagain,‘youguyslayupsomesupplies,buysomeshit,andtakearoomattheFrantic.Staythereforacoupleofdays.We’llfindoutwhothisguyis,andwe’lldealwithit,okay?’
‘Okay,’hesaid,shakingmyhandwiththetrembleinhis.‘YouthinktheFrantic’sprettysafe,yeah?’
‘TheFrantichotelistheonlyonethat’lltakeyouandyourlifestyle,Scorp.’
‘Oh…yeah…’
‘Thismysterymanwon’tgetpastthedeskthere.Notinasuit.Keepyourheadsdown,andyou’llbesafeattheFranticuntilwefigurethisout.’
‘Okay.Okay.’
Hewalkedaway,stoopinghistallframebeneaththeloosefrondsofthehedge.Iwatchedhimdothestreetguy’snightwalk:slowly,nonchalantlyinthepoolsofstreetlight–HonestJoe,nothingtohide–thenscurryingfasterintheshadowedsectionsofthestreet.
Islippedatwenty-rupeenotetothewatchman,standingbesideme,andclimbedthemarblestairstotheapartment.LisastoodinthebathroomdoorwaywhileIshowered,andItoldheraboutScorpioGeorge’swhite-hairedstalker.
‘Butwhoisthisguy?’sheaskedasIsteppedoutoftheshower.‘WhatdoeshewantwiththeZodiacs?’
‘Idunno.NaveenAdair,theguyItoldyouaboutbefore?Hesmellslawyer.Hemightberight.He’sasmartkid.Onewayoranother,we’llfindoutwhothisguyis.’
Driedoffagain,IfloppeddownonthebedbesideLisa,myheadrestingonthesatinbreezeofherbreast.FromthatpositionIlookeddownalongthelengthofhernakedbodytoherfeet.
‘Rosannalikesyou,’shesaid,shiftingthedirectionoftheconversationwithanelegantgesturetotheleftwithbothfeet.
‘Idoubtit.’
‘Why?Whathappenedwithher?’
‘Nothing…happened.’
‘Somethinghappenedwhenyouweretalkingtoheroutside.Whatdidyousay?’
‘Wejust…talkedaboutGoa.’
‘Oh,no,’shesighed.‘She’snutsaboutGoa.’
‘SoIdiscovered.’
‘Butshedoeslikeyou.NomatterwhatyousaidaboutGoa.’
‘I…don’tthinkso.’
‘Oh,yeah.Shecertainlydislikesyou,too,atthesametime.Butshedefinitelylikesyou.’
‘Whatareyoutalkingabout?’
‘Shewasangryenoughtohityou,whenIcameout.’
‘Shewas?Ithoughtwereachedagoodplace.’
‘Shewasreadytohityou,soshelikesyoualot.’
‘Ah…howdoesthatwork?’
‘Shewasangryenoughtohityou,andshedoesn’tevenknowyou,see?’
Ididn’t,butthatwasn’tunusual:Lisahadherownwayofincommunicating.
‘It’sallsoclearnow.’
‘Wasshedoingherbodylanguagething,’sheasked,‘whenshewastalkingtoyou?’
‘Whatbodylanguagething?’
‘Shefakesasoreback,andstartsrollingherhipsinacircle.Didshedothat?’
‘No.’
‘That’sgood.’
‘Itis?’
‘Yeah,becauseit’sprettysexy,andshediditforme,andnotforyou.’
‘There’salogicrollingitshipsintheresomewhere,I’msure,butI’mgonnaletitrollpast.IdidmanagetoreadAnushka’sbodylanguage,however.’
‘Abearcouldreadherbodylanguage,’Lisacutinquickly,givingmeaslaponthearm.
‘Wheredidyousayshe’sperforming?’Ilaughed.
‘Ididn’t,’sheslapped.
Aseashellbraceletjangledonherwrist.ItwasthepresentI’dbroughtforherfromGoa.Sheplayedthemusicoftheshells,twistingherwristforawhile,andthensilencedthemintheclutchofherfreehand.
‘Didyouhaveashittytimetonight?ShouldIbesorryImadeyougo,whenyoujustgotbackfromyourtrip?’
‘Notatall.Ireallydidlikeyourfriends,anditwasabouttimeImetthem.IlikedRosanna,too.Shehasgoodfire.’
‘I’msoglad.She’snotjustapartner.She’sbecomeclose.Doyoufindherattractive?’
‘What?’
‘It’sokay,’shesaid,playingwiththebedcover.‘Ifindherattractive,too.’
‘What?’
‘She’sclever,dedicated,brave,creative,enthusiastic,andeasytogetalongwith.She’sreallygreat.’
IstaredalongthesoftcoastlineofLisa’slong,slenderlegs.
‘Whatarewetalkingabout,again?’
‘Youthinkshe’shot,’shesaid.
‘What?’
‘It’sokay.Ithinkshe’shot,too.’
Shetookmyhand,andmoveditbetweenherlegs.
‘Howtiredareyou?’sheasked.
Ilookeddownathertoes,bentbackwardsinafan-shapedarch.
‘Nobody’severthattired.’
Itwasgood.Itwasalwaysgood.Wesharedalovingkindnessthatwasakindofloving.Andmaybebecausewebothknewthatitwouldendsomeday,someway,weletourbodiessaythingsthatourheartscouldn’t.
Iwenttothekitchentofetchacolddrinkofwater,andbroughtaglassbackforher,puttingitonthetableonhersideofthebed.
ForawhileIlookedather,beautiful,healthy,strong,curledintoherselflikeasleepingcat.Itriedtoimaginewhatthevisionofloveshewasclingingtomightlooklike,andhowdifferentitwasfrommyown.
Ilaydownbesideherandgatheredmybodyintothecontoursofherdream.Hertoesclosedreflexivelyovermineinhersleep.Andmorehonestthanmymind,mysleepingbodybentattheknees,pressedagainstthecloseddoorofhercurvedback,andbeatonitwiththefistofmyheart,beggingtobeloved.ChapterFive
Ridingamotorcycleisvelocityaspoetry.Thefinebalancebetweenelegantagilityandfatalfallisakindoftruth,andlikealltruth,itcarriesaheartbeatwithitintothesky.Eternalmomentsinthesaddleescapethestutteringflowoftime,andspace,andpurpose.Coursingonthosewheels,onthatriverofair,inthatflightoffreedspiritthere’snoattachment,nofear,nojoy,nohatred,nolove,andnomalice:thenearestthing,forsomeviolentmen,forthisviolentman,toastateofgrace.
IarrivedatthepassportfactoryusedbytheSanjayCompanyinagoodmood.I’dtakentheslowwaytoworkthatmorning,andtheridehadclearedmymind,leavingmewithaplacidsmileIcouldfeelinmywholebody.
Thefactorywasthemaincentrewherewechangedandcreatedfalsepassports.AstheprincipalforgerandcounterfeiterofpassportsandotheridentificationdocumentsfortheSanjayCompany,Ispentatleastsomehoursofmostdaysatthefactory.
Iopenedthedoor,andmymotorcycle-smilefroze.Therewasayoungstrangerinfrontofme.Heputouthishandingreeting.
‘Lin!’hesaid,shakingmyhandasifhewaspumpingwaterfromavillagewell.‘Myname’sFarzad.Comeonin!’
Itookoffmysunglasses,acceptedhisinvitationtomyoffice,andfoundthataseconddeskhadbeenlodgedinacornerofthelargeroom.Thedeskwaspiledhighwithpapersanddrawings.
‘Theyputmehere…abouttwoweeksago,’Farzadsaid,noddingtowardhisdesk.‘Ihopeyoudon’tmind.’
‘Thatdepends.’
‘Dependsonwhat?’
‘Onwhothehellyouare,andwhatthehellyou’redoin’inmyoffice.’
‘Oh,’helaughed,relaxingenoughtotakeaseatatthenewdesk.‘That’seasy.I’myournewassistant.Countonit!’
‘Ididn’taskforanewassistant.Ilikedtheoldassistant.’
‘ButIthoughtyoudidn’thaveanassistant?’
‘Exactly.’
Hishandsflappedinhislaplikefishflungontheshore.Isteppedacrosstheroomtolookthroughthelongwindowsintothefactorybelow.Inoticedthatchangeshadtakenplacethereaswell.
‘Whatthehell?’
Iwalkeddownthewoodenstepsleadingtothefactoryfloor,andheadedtowardthenewdesksandlightboxes.Farzadfollowedme,speakingquickly.
‘Theydecidedtoexpandthefalsedocumentsectiontoincludeeducationstuff.Ithoughtyouknew.’
‘Whateducationstuff?’
‘Diplomas,degrees,certificatesofcompetencyandthelike.That’swhytheybroughtmein.’
Hestoppedsuddenly,watchingmeasIpickedupadocumentfromoneofthenewdesks.ItwasaMaster’sDegreeinEngineering,purportingtobeissuedbyaprestigiousuniversityinBengal.
ItborethenameofayoungmanIknew:thesonofamafiaenforcerfromthefishingfleetarea,whowasasslow-wittedashewasavaricious,andwhowas,byanyreckoning,thegreediestkid-gangsterinSassoonDock.
‘They…broughtmein…’Farzadconcludedfalteringly,‘b-b-becauseIhaveanMBA.Imean,arealone.Countonit.’
‘Theregoestheneighbourhood.Doesn’tanybodystudyphilosophyanymore?’
‘Mydaddoes,’hesaid.‘He’saSteiner-Utilitarian.’
‘Please,whoeveryouare,Ihaven’thadachaiyet.’
Movingtoasecondtable,Ipickedupanotherfalsequalificationdocument.ItwasaBachelorofMedicineinDentalSurgery.Readingmyfeatures,Farzadspokeagain.
‘Youknow,it’sokay.NoneofthesefakedegreeswilleverbeusedinIndia.They’reallforpeoplewhowantjobsinforeigncountries.’
‘Oh,’Isaid,notsmiling,‘thatmakesitokay,then.’
‘Exactly!’Hegrinnedhappily.‘ShallIsendfortea?’
Whenthechaiarrived,inshort,crack-veinedglasses,wesippedandtalkedlongenoughformetolikehim.
Farzadwasfromthesmall,brilliantandinfluentialParsicommunity.Hewastwenty-threeyearsold,unmarried,andlivedwithhisparentsandextendedfamilyinalargehousenotfarfromtheBombayslumwhereI’doncelived.
AftertwopostgraduateyearsintheUnitedStates,hestartedworkatafuturestradingfirminBoston.Withinthefirstyear,he’dbecomeentangledinacomplexPonzischeme,runbytheheadofhisfirm.
Althoughhe’dplayednodirectpartinhisemployer’scriminalintrigue,Farzad’snameappearedintransfersoffundstosecretbankaccounts.Whenitseemedthathemightbearrested,he’dreturnedtoIndia,usingthefortuitousifunhappyexcusethathehadtovisitthesickbedofhisdyinguncle.
I’dknowntheuncle,Keki,verywell.He’dbeenawisecounsellortoKhaderbhai,theSouthBombaydon,andhadaplaceonthemafiaCouncil.Inhislasthours,theParsicounsellorhadaskedthenewheadofthemafiaCompany,SanjayKumar,toprotectyoungFarzad,hisnephew,whomheregardedasason.
SanjaytookFarzadin,tellinghimthathe’dbesafefromprosecutionintheUnitedStates,ifheremainedinBombay,andworkedforthemafiaCompany.WhileI’dbeeninGoa,Sanjayhadputhimtoworkinmyfalsepassportfactory.
‘There’ssomanypeoplemovingoutofIndianow,’Farzadsaid,sippinghissecondchai.‘Andregulationswilllightenup.You’llsee.Countonit.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Restrictionsandlaws,they’llallchange,they’llallgetlooserandeasier.PeoplewillbeleavingIndia,peoplewillbecomingbacktoIndia,startingbusinesseshereandinforeigncountries,movingmoneyaroundallovertheplace.Andallofthosepeople,onewayoranother,they’reallgoingtoneedorwantsomepaperworkthatgivesthemabetterchanceinAmerica,orLondon,orStockholm,orSydney,youknow?’
‘It’sabigmarket,huh?’
‘It’sahugemarket.Huge.Weonlysetthisuptwoweeksago,andwe’realreadyworkingtwofullshiftstomeetourcommitments.’
‘Twoshifts,huh?’
‘Flatout,baba.’
‘And…whenoneofourclients,whobuyshisengineeringdegreeinsteadofstudyingforit,iscalledupontobuildabridge,say,thatwon’tfalldownandkillacouplehundredpeople?’
‘Notension,baba,’hereplied.‘Inmostcountries,thefakedegreeonlygetsyouinthedoor.Afterthat,youhavetodomorestudytomeetthelocalstandards,andgetaccreditation.AndyouknowourIndianpeople.Ifyoulettheminthedoor,they’llbuythehouse,andthenthehousenextdoor,andtheninnotimethey’llownthestreet,andstartrentinghousestothepeoplewhousedtoownthem.It’sthewayweare.Countonit,yaar.’
Farzadwasagentle,open-facedyoungman.Relaxedwithmeatlastandunafraid,hissoftbrowneyesstaredfromaplaceofunruffledserenity,deepwithinhissanguineopinionoftheworld.
Hisround,fulllipspartedslightlyonthepermanentquiverofasmile.Hisskinwasveryfair:fairerthanmytannedfacebeneathmyshortblondehair.HisWestern-chicjeansandsilkdesignershirtgavehimthelookofavisitor,atourist,ratherthansomeonewhosefamilyhadlivedinBombayforthreehundredyears
Hisfacewasunmarked,hisskinshowingnoscarorscratchorfadedbruise.Itoccurredtome,asIlistenedtohisgenialchatter,thatitwaslikelyhe’dneverbeeninafight,orevenclosedhisfistinanger.
Ienviedhim.WhenIallowedmyselftolookintothehalf-collapsedtunnelofthepast,itseemedthatI’dbeenfightingallmylife.
MykidbrotherandIweretheonlyCatholicboysinourtough,working-classneighbourhood.Someofourtough,working-classneighbourswaitedpatientlyforthearrivalofourschoolbuseveryevening,andfoughtusallthewayhome;dayafterday.
Anditneverstopped.AtriptotheshoppingcentrewaslikecrossingaGreenLineintoenemyterritory.Localmilitias,orstreetgangs,attackedoutsiderswiththeviciousnessthatthepooronlyevervisitonthepoor.Learningkarateandjoiningthelocalboxingclubwerethelife-skillsclassesinmyneighbourhood.
Everykidwhohadthehearttofightlearnedamartialart,andeveryweekgavehimseveralopportunitiestopractisewhathelearned.Theaccidentandemergencydepartmentofthelocalhospitalwasfilled,onFridayandSaturdaynights,withyoungmenwhowerehavingstitchesputintocutsontheirmouthsandeyes,orhavingtheirbrokennosesrepairedforthethirdtime.
Iwasoneofthem.MymedicalfileatthelocalhospitalwasheavierthanavolumeofShakespeare’stragedies.Andthatwasbeforeprison.
ListeningtoFarzad’shappy,dreamingtalkofthecarhewassavingtobuy,andthegirlhewantedtoaskout,IcouldfeelthepressureofthetwolongknivesIalwayscarriedatmyback.Inthesecretdrawerofacabinetinmyapartmentthereweretwohandgunsandtwohundredroundsofammunition.IfFarzaddidn’thaveaweapon,andthewillingnesstouseit,hewasinthewrongbusiness.Ifhedidn’tknowhowtofight,andwhatitfeelsliketoloseafight,hewasinthewrongbusiness.
‘You’reliningupwiththeSanjayCompany,’Isaid.‘Don’tplantoofarahead.’
‘Twoyears,’Farzadsaid,cuppinghishandsinfrontofhimasthoughhewasholdingthechunkoftimeanditspromises.‘Twoyearsofthiswork,andthenI’lltakeallthemoneyI’vesaved,andopenasmallbusinessofmyown.Aconsultancy,forpeopletryingtogetaGreenCardintheUS,andwhatnot.It’sthecomingthing!Countonit.’
‘Justkeepyourheaddown,’Iadvised,hopingthatFateortheCompanywouldgivehimtheyearshewanted.
‘Oh,sure,Ialways–’
Thephoneonmydeskrang,cuttinghimoff.
‘Aren’tyougoingtoanswerit?’Farzadasked,afterafewrings.
‘Idon’tliketelephones.’
Thetelephonewasstillringing.
‘Well,whydoyouhaveone?’
‘Idon’t.Theofficedoes.Ifitagitatesyousomuch,youanswerit.’
Heliftedthereceiver.
‘Goodmorning,Farzadspeaking,’hesaid,thenheldthephoneawayfromhisear.
Gurglingsounds,likemudcomplainingorbigdogseatingsomething,rumbledfromthephone.Farzadstaredatitinhorror.
‘It’sforme,’Isaid,andheletthephonefallintomyhand.
‘Salaamaleikum,Nazeer.’
‘Linbaba?’
ItwasavoiceIcouldfeelthroughthefloor.
‘Salaamaleikum,Nazeer.’
‘Waaleikumsalaam.Youcome!’Nazeercommanded.‘Youcomenow!’
‘WhateverhappenedtoHowareyou,Linbaba?’
‘Youcome!’Nazeerinsisted.
Hisvoicewasagrowlingthingdraggingabodyonagraveldriveway.Ilovedit.
‘Okay,okay.Keepyourscowlon.I’monmyway.’
Iputdownthephone,collectedmywalletandthekeystomybike,andwalkedtothedoor.
‘We’lltalkmore,lateron,’Isaid,turningtolookatmynewassistant.‘Butfornow,Ithinkthisisgonnaworkoutokay,betweenyouandme.WatchthestorewhileI’mgone,thik?’
Theword,pronouncedteek,broughtawidesmiletotheyoung,unblemishedface.
‘Bilkulthik!’hereplied.Absolutelyokay!
Ilefttheoffice,forgettingtheyoungMBAmakingfalsedegrees,andpushedthebiketospeedonMarineDrive,sweepingupontothenarrowcuttingbesidetheMetroflyover.
AttheParsiFireTemplecornerIsawmyfriendAbdullahridingwithtwoothersacrosstheintersectioninfrontofme.Theywereheadedforthenarrowstreetsofthecommercedistrict.
Waitingforabreakinthealmostconstantflowofvehicles,andcheckingtoseethatthetrafficcopondutywasbusyacceptingabribefromsomeoneelse,Icuttheredlightandsetoffinpursuitofmyfriend.
AsamemberoftheSanjayCompany,I’dpledgedmylifetodefendothersinthegang:thebandofbrothersinarms.Abdullahwasmorethanthat.Thetall,long-hairedIranianwasmyfirstandclosestfriendintheCompany.Mycommitmenttohimwasbeyondthedutyofthepledge.
There’sadeepconnectionbetweengangsters,faithanddeath.AllofthemenintheSanjayCompanyfeltthattheirsoulswereinthehandsofapersonalGod,andtheywerealldevoutenoughtopraybeforeandafteramurder.Abdullah,nolessthantheothers,wasamanoffaith,althoughhenevershowedmercy.
Formypart,Istillsearchedforsomethingmorethantheverses,vowsandvenerationI’dfoundinthebooksofbelievers.AndwhileIdoubtedeverythinginmyself,Abdullahwasalwaysandevercertain:asconfidentinhisinvincibilityasthestrongesteagle,soaringabovehisheadinthehoveringBombaysky.
Weweredifferentmen,withdifferentwaystolove,anddifferentinstinctsforthefight.Butfriendshipisfaith,too,especiallyforthoseofuswhodon’tbelieveinmuchelse.Andthesimpletruthwasthatmyheartalwaysrose,alwayssoaredinthelittleskyinside,wheneverIsawhim.
Ifollowedhimintheflowoftraffic,waitingforthechancetopullinbesidehim.HisstraightbackandrelaxedcommandofthebikewerecharacteristicsI’dcometoadmire.Somemenandwomenrideahorseasifthey’reborntoit,andsomethingofthesameinstinctappliestoridingamotorcycle.
ThetwomenridingwithAbdullah,FardeenandHussein,weregoodriderswho’dbeenonbikessincetheywereinfants,ridingonthetanksoftheirfathers’bikes,throughthesametrafficonthesamestreets,buttheyneverachievedthesameriverinefacilityasourIranianfriend,andneverlookedascool.
JustasIsensedagapopeningbesidehisbike,andpulledforwardtomatchhispace,heturnedhisheadtolookatme.Asmileedgedse-riousshadowsfromhisface,andhepulledovertothekerb,followedbyFardeenandHussein.
Istoppedclosetohim,andwehugged,stillsittingonourbikes.
‘Salaamaleikum,’hegreetedmewarmly.
‘WaaleikumsalaamwaRahmatullahiwaBarakatuh.’AnduntoyoubePeace,andAllah’smercy,andHisblessings.
FardeenandHusseinreachedouttoshakehands.
‘Youaregoingtothemeeting,Iheard,’Abdullahsaid.
‘Yeah.IgotthecallfromNazeer.Ithoughtyou’dbethere.’
‘Iamindeedgoingthere,’hedeclared.
‘Well,you’retakingthelongway,’Ilaughed,becausehewasheadinginthewrongdirection.
‘Ihaveajobtodofirst.Itwillnottakelong.Comewithus.Itisnotfarfromhere,andIbelievethatyoudonotknowthisplace,andthesepeople.’
‘Okay,’Iagreed.‘Wherearewegoing?’
‘ToseetheCycleKillers,’hesaid.‘OnamatterofCompanybusiness.’
I’dnevervisitedthedenoftheCycleKillers.Ididn’tknowmuchaboutthem.ButlikeeverystreetguyinBombay,Iknewthenamesoftheirtoptwokillers,andIknewthattheyoutnumberedthefourofusbysixorseventoone.
Abdullahkickedhisbiketolife,waitingforustokick-startourownbikes,andthenledthewayoutintothebrawloftraffic,hisbackstraight,andhisheadhighandproud.ChapterSix
I’dseensomeoftheCycleKillers,ridingtheirpolishedchromebicyclesatsuicidalspeedthroughthemarketstreetsoftheThievesBazaar.Theywereyoung,andalwaysdressedinthesameuniformofbrightlycoloured,tight-fittingundershirts,knownasbanyans,whitestovepipejeans,andthelatestfashionbrandofrunningshoes.
Theyallslickedtheirhairbackwithperfumedoil,woreostentatiouscaste-marktattoosontheirfacestoprotectthemagainsttheevileye,andcoveredtheirowneyeswithidenticalmirror-finishaviatorsunglasses,aspolishedastheirsilverbicycles.
Theywere,bygeneralagreementamongdiscriminatingcriminals,themostefficientknife-menmoneycouldbuy,surpassedinskillbyonlyonemaninthecity:Hathoda,theknifemasterfortheSanjayCompany.
Deepwithinthestreetsandnarrowergullies,cloggedwithcommerceandtheclamourforcash,weparkedourbikesoutsideashopthatsoldAyurvedicremediesandsilkpouchesfilledwithsecretherbs,offeringprotectionagainstlovecurses.Iwantedtobuyone,butAbdullahdidn’tletme.
‘Aman’sprotectionisinAllah,honourandduty,’hegrowled,hisarmaroundmyshoulder.‘Notinamuletsandherbs.’
Imadeamentalnotetogobacktotheshop,alone,andfellintostepwithmysternfriend.
Weenteredashoulder-widelane,andasthelanedarkened,furtherfromthestreet,AbdullahledusbeneathanalmostinvisiblearchbearingthenameBellaVistaTowers
Beyondthearchwefoundanetworkofcoveredlanesthatseemed,atonepoint,topassthroughthemiddleofaprivatehome.Theownerofthehome,anelderlymanwearingatatteredbanyanandsittinginaneasychair,wasreadinganewspaperthroughover-largeopticalsunglasses.
Hedidn’tlookuporacknowledgeusaswepassedthroughwhatseemedtobehislivingroom.
Wewalkedonintoanevendarkerlane,turnedthelastcornerinthemazeandemergedinawide,open,sunlitcourtyard.
I’dheardofitbefore:itwascalledDasRasta,orTenWays.Residentialbuildingsandthemanylanesthatservicedthemsurroundedtheroughlycircularcourtyard,opentothesky.Itwasaprivatepublicsquare.
Residentsleanedfromwindows,lookingdownintotheactionofDasRasta.Someloweredorpulledupbasketsofvegetables,cookedfood,andothergoods.Manymorepeopleenteredandleftthecourtyardthroughwheel-spokealleysleadingtothewiderworldbeyond.
Inthecentreofthecourtyard,sacksofgrainandpulseshadbeenheapedtogetherinapiletwicetheheightofaman.Thesacksformedasmallpyramidofthrones,andseatedonthematvariouslevelsweretheCycleKillers.
InthetopmostimprovisedthronewasIshmeet,theleader.Hislonghairhadneverbeencut,accordingtoSikhreligioustradition,buthisobservanceofSikhismstoppedthere.
Hishairwasn’theldinaneatturban,butfellfreelytohisnarrowwaist.Histhin,barearmswerecoveredintattoos,depictinghismanymurdersandgangwarvictories.Thereweretwolong,curvedknivesindecoratedscabbardstuckedintothebeltofhistightjeans.
‘Salaamaleikum,’hesaidlazily,greetingAbdullahasweapproachedhistowerofthrones.
‘Waaleikumsalaam,’Abdullahreplied.
‘Who’sthedog-faceyou’vegotwithyou?’amansittingclosetoIshmeetaskedinHindi,turninghisheadtospitnoisily.
‘HisnameisLin,’Abdullahrepliedcalmly.‘TheyalsocallhimShantaram.HewaswithKhaderbhai,andhespeaksHindi.’
‘Idon’tcareifhespeaksHindi,PunjabiandMalayalam,’themanrespondedinHindi,glaringatme.‘Idon’tcareifhecanrecitepoetry,andifhehasadictionaryshoveduphisarse.Iwanttoknowwhatthisdog-faceisdoinghere.’
‘I’mguessingyouhavemoreexperiencewithdogsthanIdo,’IsaidinHindi.‘ButIcamehereinthecompanyofmen,notdogs,whoknowhowtoshowrespect.’
Themanflinchedandtwitched,shakinghisheadindisbelief.Iwasn’tsureifitwasbecauseofthechallengeI’dthrown,orthefactthatawhiteforeignerhadspokenitinthekindofHindiusedbystreetgangsters.
‘Thismanisalsomybrother,’Abdullahsaidevenly,staringatIshmeet.‘Andwhatyourmansaystohim,hesaystome.’
‘Thenwhydon’tIsayittoyou,Iranian?’themansaid.
‘Whydon’tyou,byAllah?’Abdullahreplied.
Therewasamomentofexquisitecalm.Menworkingtobringsacksofgrain,potsofwater,boxesofcolddrinks,bagsofspicesandothergoodsstillmovedintoandoutofthecourtyard.Peoplestillwatchedfromtheirwindows.Childrenstilllaughedandplayedintheshade.
ButinthebreathingspacebetweentheCycleKillersandthefourofus,ameditationstillnessrippledoutwardsfromourbeatinghearts.Itwasthedeliberatestillnessofnotreachingforourweapons,theshadowbeforetheflashofsunlightandblood.
TheCycleKillerswereonlyawordawayfromwar,buttheyrespectedandfearedAbdullah.IlookedintoIshmeet’ssmilingeyes,schemedintoslits.Hewascountingthecorpsesthatwouldliearoundhisthroneofsacks.
TherewasnodoubtthatAbdullahwouldkillatleastthreeofIshmeet’smen,andthattherestofusmightaccountforasmanyagain.AndalthoughthereweretwelveCycleKillersinthecourtyard,andseveralmoreintheroomsbeyond,andalthoughIshmeethimselfmightmanagetolive,thelosswouldbetoogreatforhisgangtosurvivearevengeattackbyourgang.
Ishmeet’seyesopenedalittlewider,crimsonbetelnutstaininghissmile.
‘AnybrotherofAbdullah,’hesaid,staringdirectlyatme,‘isabrotherofmine.Come.Situphere,withme.We’lldrinkbhangtogether.’
IglancedatAbdullah,whonoddedtomewithouttakinghiseyesofftheCycleKillers.IclimbedontothewidethroneofsacksandtookaseatalittlebelowIshmeet,andlevelwiththemanwho’dinsultedme.
‘Raja!’Ishmeetsaid,callingtoamanwhowaspolishingtherowsofalreadygleamingbicycles.‘Getsomechairs!’
ThemanmovedquicklytoprovidewoodenstoolsforAbdullah,Fardeen,andHussein.Othersbroughtthepalegreenbhangintallglasses,andalsoalargechillum.
Idranktheglassofmarijuanamilkdowningulps,asdidIshmeet.Belchingloudly,hewinkedatme.
‘Buffalomilk,’hesaid.‘Freshpulled.Givesalittleextrakick.Youwanttobeakinginthisworld,man,keepyourownmilkingbuffalo.’
‘O…kay.’
Helitthechillum,tooktwolongpuffs,andpassedittome,smokestreamingfromhisnostrilslikesteamescapingfromfissuredstone.
Ismokedandpassedthechillumtotheganglieutenantsittingbesideme.Theanimosityofmomentsbeforewasgonefromhissmilingeyes.Hesmoked,passedthechillumalong,andthentappedmeontheknee.
‘Who’syourfavouriteheroine?’
‘Fromnow,orbefore?’
‘Fromnow.’
‘KarismaKapoor.’
‘Andfrombefore?’
‘SmitaPatil.Whataboutyou?’
‘Rekha,’hesighed.‘Beforeandnowandalways.She’sthequeenofeverything.Doyouhaveaknife?’
‘Ofcourse.’
‘CanIseeit,please?’
Itookoneofmyknivesoutofitsscabbard,andpassedittohim.Heopenedtheflickmechanismexpertly,andthenflippedthelong,heavy,brass-handledweaponaroundhisfingersasifitwasafloweronastem.
‘Niceknife,’hesaid,closingitandhandingitbacktome.‘Whomadeit?’
‘Vikrant,inSassoonDock,’Ianswered,puttingtheknifeaway.
‘Ah,Vikrant.Goodwork.Youwannaseemyknife?’
‘Sure,’Ireplied,reachingouttotaketheweaponheofferedme.
Mylongswitchbladeknifewasmadeforstreetfighting.TheCycleKiller’sknifewasdesignedtoleaveadeep,widehole,usuallyintheback.Thebladetaperedquicklyfromthewidehilttothetip.Gougedintothebladeweretrenchestofacilitatetheflowofblood.Backwardserrationsenteredabodyonthesmoothsidebutrippedthefleshontheoutwardpull,preventingthewoundfromspontaneouslyclosing.
Thehiltwasabrasssemicircle,designedtofitintoaclosedfist.Theknifewasusedinapunchingaction,ratherthanaslashorjab.
‘Youknow,’Isaid,asIhandedbacktheweapon,‘Ihopewenever,everfighteachother.’
Hegrinnedwidely,puttingtheknifebackintoitsscabbard.
‘Goodplan!’hesaid.‘Noproblem.Youandme,weneverfight.Okay?’
Heofferedmehishand.Ihesitatedamoment,becausegangsterstakestufflikethatseriously,andIwasn’tsurethatIcouldpromisenottofighthim,ifourgangsbecameenemies.
‘Whatthehell,’Isaid,slappingmypalmintohis,andclosingmyfingersinafirmhandshake.‘Weneverfight.Nomatterwhat.’
Hegrinnedatmeagain.
‘I’m…’hebeganinHindi.‘I’msorryabout…aboutthatcommentbefore.’
‘It’sokay.’
‘Actually,Ilikedogs,’hesaid.‘Anyoneherewilltellyouthat.Ievenfeedthestraydogshere.’
‘It’sokay.’
‘Ajay!TellhimhowmuchIlikedogs!’
‘Verymuch,’Ajaysaid.‘Helovesdogs.’
‘Ifyoudon’tstoptalkingaboutdogsrightnow,’Ishmeetsaidthroughthesliverofasmile,‘I’mgoingtokickyouintheneck.’
Ishmeetturnedawayfromhisman,displeasureacrownpressedonhisforehead.
‘Abdullah,’hesaid.‘Youwanttotalktome,Ithinkso?’
Abdullahwasabouttoreplywhenacrewoftenworkingmenenteredthecourtyard,pullingtwolong,emptyhandcarts.
‘Makeway!’theyshouted.‘WorkisclosetoGod!WorkingmenaredoingGod’swork!Wearehereforthesacks!Oldsacksgoingout!Newsackscomingin!Makeway!WorkisclosetoGod!’
Withadisregardthatmight’vecostothermentheirlives,theworkersignoredthestatusandcomfortofthemurderousgangandbeganpullingsacksfromtheimprovisedthrone.DeadlyCycleKillerstumbledandstumbledfromtheirplacesonthepile.
Asquicklyashisdignitywouldallow,IshmeetscrambledoffhisvantagepointtostandclosetoAbdullahwhilethedemolitioncontinued.Iclimbeddownwithhimtojoinmyfriends.
Fardeen,nicknamedthePolitician,stoodatonceandofferedhiswoodenstooltoIshmeet.TheleaderoftheCycleKillersaccepted,satbesideAbdullah,andcalledimportantlyforhotchai.
Whilewewaitedforthetea,theworkersremovedthetallhillofsacks,leavingonlyscatteredgrainsandstrawsonthebarestonesofthecourtyard.Wesippedadrakchai,spicygingerteastrongenoughtobringtearstotheeyesofsomeonejudgingjudges.
Theworkersbroughtfreshsacksintotheopenground.Withinminutesanewmoundbegantoappear,andmenwhoworkedfortheCycleKillersbegantoshapeitintoaseriesofthrone-likeseatsoncemore.
Perhapstocovertheembarrassmentofhavinghisestradesoabruptlydismantled,Ishmeetturnedhisattentiontome.
‘You…foreigner,’heasked,‘whatdoyouthinkofDasRasta?’
‘Ji,’Isaid,usingtherespectfultermequivalenttosir,‘Iwaswonderinghowwewereabletocomeinherewithoutachallenge.’
‘Weknewyouwerecoming,’Ishmeetrepliedsmugly,‘andweknewyouwerefriends,andhowmanyyouwere.DilipUncle,theoldmanreadingthenewspaper,doyourememberhim?’
‘Yeah.Wepassedrightthroughhishouse.’
‘Exactly.DilipUncle,hehasabuttononthefloorunderhischair.Thebuttonringsabellhereinthecourtyard.Fromthenumberoftimeshepressesthebutton,andforhowlong,wecantellwhoiscoming,friendorstranger,andhowmany.AndtherearemanyuncleslikeDilip,whoaretheeyesandtheearsofDasRasta.’
‘Notbad,’Iallowed.
‘Yourfrownisanotherquestion,Ithink.’
‘IwasalsowonderingwhythisiscalledDasRasta,TenWays,whenIcancountonlyninewaysinandout.’
‘Ilikeyou,gora!’Ishmeetsaid,usingthewordthatmeantwhiteman.‘Notmanyhavenoticedthatfact.Thereare,intruth,tenwaysintoandoutofthisplace,whichisthereasonforthename.Butoneofthemishidden,andonlyknowntothoseofuswholivehere.Theonlywaythatyoucouldpassthroughthatexitistobecomeoneofus,orbekilledbyus.’
Abdullahchosethemomenttorevealhispurpose.
‘Ihaveyourmoney,’hesaid,leaningintowardIshmeet’swell-oiledsmile.‘ButthereisamatterImustmakeclear,beforeIgiveittoyou.’
‘What…matter?’
‘Awitness,’Abdullahsaid,speakinginatonethatwasloudenoughformetohear.‘Youhaveareputationforbeingsofast,inyourwork,thateventheDjinncannotseeyourbladestrike.Butinthisassignmentwegavetoyou,someonewasallowedtoseethedeed.Someonewhomadeacleardescriptionofyourmentothepolice.’
Ishmeetlockedhisjawshut,glancedaroundquicklyathismen,andthenlookedbackatAbdullah.Thesmilereturnedslowly,buttheteethwerestilllockedtogetherasiftheywereholdingaknife.
‘Wewill,ofcourse,killthiswitness,’hehissed.‘Andatnoextracharge.’
‘Noneedforthat,’Abdullahreplied.‘Thesergeantwhotookthestatementisoneofours.Hethrashedthewitness,andconvincedhimtochangehisstory.Butyouunderstandthatwithamattersuchasthis,ImustspeakofitinthenameofSanjayhimself.Especiallysinceitisonlythesecondassignmentwehavegiventoyou.’
‘Jarur,’Ishmeethissedagain.Certainly.‘AndIcanassureyouthatyouwillneverhavetoraisethequestionofwitnessesagain,forsolongaswedobusinesstogether.’
IshmeettookAbdullah’shandinhis,helditforamoment,thenstood,turnedhisback,andbegantoclambertothetopofhisnewthroneofsacks.Ashesettledhimselfatthetopofthepileoncemore,hespokeoneword.
‘Pankaj!’hesaid,speakingtotheCycleKillerwho’dbeensittingwithme.
Fardeentookapackageofmoneyfromhisbackpack.HepassedittoAbdullah,whohandeditontoPankaj.AstheCycleKillerturnedtoclimbupthepileofsackshehesitated,andswunghisgazearoundtofaceme.
‘Youandme,weneverfight,’hegrinned,offeringhishandoncemore.‘Pukkah?’Correct?
Hiswidesmileandobvious,innocentpleasureinanewfriendshipwould’vebeenderidedasna?vebythegangstersandoutlawsI’dcometoknowintheAustralianprison.ButwewereinBombay,andPankaj’ssmilewasassincereashiswillingnesstofightmehadbeenonlyminutesbefore;assincereasmine.
UntilI’dheardIshmeetusehisname,Ihadn’trealisedthatthemanI’dtradedinsultswithwasthesecond-in-commandoftheCycleKillers,andasfearedaknife-manasIshmeethimself.
‘Youandme,’IsaidinHindi,‘weneverfight.Nomatterwhat.’
Hiswickedgrinwidened,andhescamperedathleticallyupthepileofsackstogivethepackagetoIshmeet.Abdullahraisedhishandtohischestinfarewell.
WefollowedAbdullahoutthroughthelabyrinthoflanes,throughthelivingroomwhereDilipUnclestillsat,readinghisnewspaper,hisfoothoveringclosetothebuttonsetintothefloor,andthenoutintothestreet.
Aswekickedthebikestolife,Abdullahcaughtmyeye.WhenImethisgaze,hisfaceopenedinarare,widesmileofhappinessandexhilaration.
‘Thatwasclose!’hesaid.‘ShukranAllah.’
‘Sincewhendidyoustartsubcontracting?’
‘Twoweeksago,whileyouwereinGoa,’hereplied.‘Thelawyerwehired,whobetrayedourmentothepolice,andtoldthemeverythinghehadsaidinprivate?’
Inodded,recallingtheangerwe’dfeltatthelifesentencetheCompanymenhadreceived,basedontheirownlawyer’streacherousinformation.Anappealoftheconvictionwaspendinginthecourts,butourmenwerestillinprison.
‘Thatlawyerhasjoinedthelonglineofhisfellowsinhell,’Abdullahsaid,hisgoldeneyesgleaming.‘Andtherewillbenoappealofhissentence.Butletusnotdisturbourpeacewithtalkofdishonour.Letusenjoytheride,andbegratefulthat,today,Allahhassparedusthenecessitytokillthekillerswepaidtokillforus.Itisagreatandwonderfulthingtobealive,Alhamdulillah.’BythegraceofGod
ButasFardeen,HusseinandIfellinbehindAbdullahfortheridebacktotheSanjayCouncilmeeting,itwasn’tGod’sgracethatIwasthinkingabout.OthermafiaCompanieshiredtheCycleKillers,fromtimetotime.Eventhecopsputthemonclean-updutynowandthen.ButKhaderbhai,who’dfoundedthemafiagroup,hadalwaysrefused.
Anywherehumansgather,fromboardroomstobordellos,theyseekandagreeuponamoralstandardforthemselves.Andonestandard,upheldbyKhaderbhai,wasthatifamanhadtobekilled,hewasgiventhechancetolookintotheeyesofthemenwhoclaimedthatright.Hiringassassins,ratherthanbeingassassins,wasachangetoofarforsome,Iwassure.Itwasachangetoofarforme.
Orderandchaosweredancingonaslenderblade,heldbytheoutstretchedarmofconscience.SubcontractingtheCycleKillerstiltedtheblade.AtleasthalfthemenintheCompanyweremoreloyaltothecodethantoSanjay,theleaderwhowaschangingit.
ThefirstglimpseoftheseaonMarineDrivefilledmyheart,ifnotmyhead.Iturnedawayfromtheredshadow.Istoppedthinkingofthatpyramidofkillers,andSanjay’simprovidence.Istoppedthinkingaboutmyownpartinthemadness.AndIrode,withmyfriends,intotheendofeverything.ChapterSeven
IfAbdullahhadn’tbeenwithus,Fardeen,HusseinandIwould’veracedoneanothertotheCouncilmeeting,cuttingbetweenthecarsandovertakingallthewaytotheNabilamosque.ButAbdullahneverraced,orcutbetweenthecars.Heexpectedthecarstomakewayforhim,andforthemostpart,theydid.Herodeslowly,hisbackstraight,headheldhigh,hislong,blackhairflutteringathiswideshoulders.
Wereachedthemansioninsometwentyminutes,andparkedourbikesinplacesreservedforus,outsideaperfumeshop.
Theentrancetothemansionwasusuallyopentothestreetandunguarded.Khaderbhaibelievedthatifanenemyhadadeathwishstrongenoughtomakehimattackthemansion,hewouldprefertodrinkteawithhim,beforekillinghim.
Butasweapproached,wefoundthehigh,heavystreetdoorofthemansionclosed,andfourarmedmenonduty.Iknewoneofthem,Farukh,whooperatedaCompanygamblingoutpostinthedistanttownofAurangabad.TheotherswereAfghanstrangers.
Wepushedopenthedoorandfoundtwomoremeninside,carryingassaultrifles.
‘Afghans?’Isaid,whenwe’dpassedthem.
‘Somanythingshavehappened,LinBrother,sinceyouhavebeeninGoa,’Abdullahrepliedasweenteredtheopencourtyardatthecentreofthemansioncomplex.
‘Nokidding.’
Ihadn’tvisitedthemansioninmonths,andIsawwithregrethowneglectedthepavedcourtyardhadbecome.InKhaderbhai’stimetherewasaconstantfountaindrenchingthehugeboulderinthepondatthecourtyard’scentre.Lushpottedpalmsandflowerboxeshadonceprovidedsplashesofcolourinthewhiteandsky-bluespace.They’dlongsincedied,andthedryearththatremainedwascoveredwithasprinklingofcigarettebutts.
AtthedooroftheCouncilmeetingroomthereweretwomoreAfghansarmedwithassaultrifles.Oneofthemtappedatthecloseddoor,andthenopeneditslowly.
Abdullah,HusseinandIentered,whileFardeenwaitedoutsidewiththeguards.Whenthedoorclosed,therewerethirteenofusinthelongroom.
Themeetingroomhadchanged.Thefloorwasstilltiledincreampentagonaltiles,andthewallsandvaultedceilingstillborethemosaicpatternofablue-whitecloudedsky.Butthelowinlaidtableandplumpbrocadefloorcushionsweregone.
Adarkboardroomtableranalmostthelengthoftheroom,swarmedbyfourteenhigh-backedleatherexecutivechairs.Atthefarendofthetablewasamoreornatechairman’sseat.Themansittinginthatchair,SanjayKumar,lookedupwithasmileasweentered.Itwasn’tforme.
‘Abdullah!Hussein!’hecalledout.‘We’vegonethroughallthesmallstuffalready.Nowyou’rehere,wecanfinallydealwithsomerealtrouble.’
IassumedthatSanjaywouldwantmetowaitoutsideuntilthemeetingwasover,andtriedtoexcusemyself.
‘Sanjaybhai,’Isaid.‘I’llwaitinthecourtyard,untilyouneedme.’
‘No,Lin,’hesaid,wavinghishandvaguely.‘GositdownwithTariq.Comeon,therestofyou,let’sgetstarted.’
Tariq,Khaderbhai’sfourteen-year-oldnephewandonlymalerelative,satinhisuncle’semperorchairattheendoftheroom.
Hewasgrowingfast,alreadyalmostastallasanymanintheroom.Butstillheseemedsmallandfrailinthatwingedchair,onceathroneforthekingofSouthBombaycrime.
BehindTariqwasNazeer,hishandrestingonthehandleofadagger:theboy’sprotector,andmyclosefriend.
ImovedpastthelongtabletogreetTariq.TheboybrightenedforamomentwhenIshookhishand,butquicklyassumedthecoldimpassivestarethathadhardenedthebronzeofhiseyessincethedeathofhisuncle.
WhenIlookedatNazeer,theoldermangavemeararesmile.Itwasagrimacethatcouldtamelions,andoneofthefavouritesmilesofmylife.
ItookaseatbesideTariq.AbdullahandHusseintooktheirplaces,andthemeetingrecommenced.
Forawhile,Sanjaydirectedthediscussionsthroughbusinessmatters:troublewithstrikingworkersattheBallardPierdocksidehadslowedthesupplyofdrugsintoSouthBombay;somefishermenatSassoonDock,anchorageofthebiggestfishingfleetintheIslandCity,hadformedanassociationandwereresistingthepaymentofprotectionmoney;andafriendlycitycouncillorhadbeencaughtbyapoliceraidononeoftheCompany’sprostitutiondens,requiringafavourfromthemafiaCounciltohushthematterup,andsavetheman’scareer.
ThemafiaCouncil,whichhadcarefullysetuptheraidtoforcethecitycouncillordeeperintoitsembrace,authorisedthesumsrequiredtobribethepolice,anddeterminedthattwicetheamountshouldbechargedtothecouncillorinquestion,fordoinghimthefavour.
Thefinalmatterwassomethingmorecomplicated,andwentbeyondbusiness.TheSanjayCompany,andtheCouncilthatordereditsaffairs,ranthewholeofSouthBombay,anareathatstretchedfromFloraFountaintotheNavyNagarneartheverysouthernpromontoryoftheIslandCity,andincludedeverythinginbetween,fromseatosea.
TheSanjayCompanywasthesoleblackmarketauthorityinthearea,butwasn’tgenerallydespised.Infact,alotofpeopletooktheirdisputesandgrievancestotheCompany,inthoseyears,ratherthanthepolice.Themafiawasusuallyquicker,oftenmorejust,andalwayscheaperthanthecops.
WhenSanjaytooktheleadership,hecalledthegroupaCompany,joiningagangstertrendthatdividedthecityalongbusinesslines.Khaderbhai,thedeadKhanwho’dfoundedit,wasstrongenoughforthemafiaclantohavenoothernamebuthisown.EchoesofKhaderbhai’snamegavetheSanjayCompanyanauthoritythatSanjay’snamedidn’t,andstillheldthepeace.
Occasionally,however,someonedecidedtotakemattersintohisownhands.OnesuchrogueelementwasanambitiouslandlordintheCuffeParadearea,wheretall,expensiveapartmentbuildingsstoodonlandreclaimedfromthesea.He’dbegunhiringhisownthugs.TheSanjayCompanydidn’tlikeit,becausetheCompanyhadthereputationofitsownthugstoconsider.
Theprivategoonshadthrownarentdefaulterfromthewindowofasecond-storeyapartment.Thetenantsurvivedthefall,buthisbodylandedonacigaretteandhashishshopownedbytheCompany,injuringtheoperator,knownasShiningPatel,andapopularcustomerwhowasarenownedsingerofSufisongs.
ShiningPatelandhisblack-white-marketshopwasjustbusinessfortheSanjayCompany.Theinjurytoagreatsinger,lovedbyeveryhashsmokerinthesouthernpeninsula,madetheoffencepersonal.
‘Itoldyouthiswouldhappen,Sanjaybhai,’amannamedFaisalsaid,clenchingafistonthetable.‘I’vebeenwarningyouaboutthiskindofthingformonths.’
‘YouwarnedmethatsomeonewouldfallonShiningPatel’sshop?’Sanjaysneered.‘Imust’vemissedthatmeeting.’
‘Iwarnedyouthatrespectwasslipping,’Faisalsaid,morequietly.‘Iwarnedyouthatdisciplinewasslipping.Nobody’safraidofus,andIdon’tblamethem.Ifwe’resoscaredthatweputmercenariesonthedoor,we’retheonestoblame.’
‘He’sright,’LittleTonyadded.‘ThisproblemwiththeScorpionCompany,forexample.That’swhatgiveschutiyaslikethislandlordbahinchudhtheideathathecangopastus,tocreatehisownlittlearmy.’
‘It’snotaCompany,’Sanjayspatbackatthem.‘ThoseScorpionfuckshaven’tbeenrecognised,notbyanyoftheotherCompaniesinBombay.It’sagang.They’rejustNorthBombayguys,tryingtosqueezeintothesouth.Callitwhatitis,man,acheaplittlegang.’
‘Callitwhatyouwill,’MahmoudMelbaafsaidsoftly,‘itisstillaproblem.Theyhaveattackedourmeninthestreet.Notakilometrefromhere,twoofourbestearnerswerehackedwithchoppers,inthemiddleoftheday.’
‘That’sright,’Faisaladded.
‘That’swhywehaveourAfghanbrothersonduty,’MahmoudMelbaafcontinued.‘TheScorpionshavebeentryingtocutintoourareasatRegalandNarimanPoint.Ikickedthemoutofthere,buttherewerefiveofthem,andifAbdullahhadn’tbeenwithmeitwould’vegonetheotherway.Mynamealone,andyours,too,Sanjay,doesn’tscarethem.AndifLittleTonyhadn’tcutthatdealer’sfacelastweek,they’dstillbesellingdrugsoutsideKCCollege,fiftystepsfromyourdoor.Ifthat’snotaproblem,Ihaven’tseenone.’
‘Iknow,’Sanjayrepliedmoregently,glancingquicklyattheboy,Tariq.
Thecoldstareintheboy’seyesneverwavered.
‘Iknowwhatyou’resaying,’Sanjaysaid.‘OfcourseIknow.Whatthehelldotheywant?Dotheywantawar?Theyreallythinktheycanwinthat?Whatdotheywant,thosefucks?’
WeallknewwhattheScorpionGangwanted:theywanteditall,andtheywantedusdead,orgone.
InthesilencethatfollowedhisrhetoricalquestionIlookedatthefacesoftheCouncilmembers,tryingtojudgetheirmood,andtheirwillingnesstofightyetanotherturfwar.
Sanjayloweredhiseyes,coldeyesinasensitiveface,asheconsideredtheoptionsopentohim.Hisprudentinstinct,Iknew,wastoavoidafightandnegotiateadeal,evenwithpredatoryenemiesliketheScorpions.WhatmatteredtoSanjaywasthedeal,nothow,orwhere,orwhowasontheotherend.
Hewasbraveandruthless,buthisfirstimpulsealwaysledhimtobuyhiswayout.ItwasSanjaywho’dputtheboardroomtableintheCouncilroom,andIrealised,staringathispuzzlementandindecision,thatthetablewasn’tanexpressionofprideorself-aggrandisement:itwasavisiblerepresentationofhistruenaturetonegotiate,andsealthedeal.
TheseatnexttoSanjay,onhisright,wasalwaysemptyinmemoryofhischildhoodfriendSalman,who’ddiedinbattleduringthelastbigpowerstruggleagainstarivalgang.
Sanjayhadsparedasurvivorofthatdefeatedgroup.Itwasthemanhe’dspared,Vishnu,who’dbuiltuptheScorpionGang,andnowthreatenedSanjayhimself.
SanjayknewthatthemenonhisownCouncilwho’ddisagreedwiththatclemency,andwho’dinsistedthatthemanhadtobekilledandthebookclosedonthematter,wouldseethecurrenttroubleasavindicationoftheirviews,andaweaknessofleadership.
AsIwatchedhim,Sanjay’shandslowlydriftedtohisrightacrossthepolishedsurfaceofthetable,asifsearchingforthehandandthewarrioradviceofhisdeadfriend.
ToSanjay’sright,besidetheemptychair,wasMahmoudMelbaaf,theslim,watchfulIranianwhoseserenestareandequabletemperamentneverfaltered,nomatterhowfiercetheprovocation.
Buthiscalmwasthechildofsadness,andheneverlaughed,andalmostneversmiled.Somegreatlosshadstruckathisheartandsettledthere,smoothingoutpeaksandtroughsofemotion,aswindandsandsmothermountainsinthedesert.
BesideMelbaafwasFaisal,theex-boxer,thealmost-champion.Acrookedmanager,whostoleallFaisal’scompetitionearnings,haddriventheknifedeeperbyrunningoffwithhisgirl.Faisalkilledhim,andthegirlleftthecity,nevertobeseenagain.
Emergingfromeightyearsinprison,withinstinctsasquickanddeadlyashisfists,he’dworkedasanenforcerfortheSanjayCompanyforseveralyears.Hehadareputationforrapidresolutionsofdebtproblems.Althoughhisskillsasaboxerweresometimesexercised,veryoftenhisscarredfaceandfiercestarewereenoughtoprovokedebtorsintofindingthenecessaryfunds.
Afterthelastbigturfwar,whichleftafewplacesontheCouncilempty,Faisalhadbeenrewardedwithapermanentseat.
NexttoFaisal,leaninginclosetohim,washisconstantcompanion,Amir.Withhislargehead,roundandbluntasariverstone,scarredface,luxurianteyebrowsandelaboratemoustache,AmirhadthemysteriousallureofaSouthIndianmoviestar.
Anotoriouslygooddancer,despitehisconsiderablepaunch,herecountedstoriesinabellowingbasso,playedjokesoneveryonebutAbdullah,wasthefirsttohitthedanceflooratanyparty,andthefirstintoanyfight.
AmirandFaisalcontrolledthedrugsinSouthBombay,andtheirstreetdealersbroughtinonequarterofalltheCompany’sprofits.
SittingclosetoAmirwashisprotégé,AndrewDaSilva,ayoungstreetgangsterwho’dbeenappointedtotheCouncilasaconcessiontoAmir.He’dtakencontroloftheprostitutionandpornographyrackets,capturedfromthedefeatedganginthelastturfwar.
Thefairyoungman,withlightbrownhairandcamel-colouredeyes,hadtheillusiveinnocenceinhisbrightsmilethatcrueltyfashionsfromfear,andcunning.I’dseenthemaskfall.I’dseenthesnarlofthewhipinhiseyes.Butothersdidn’tseemtoseeit:hisreflexivesmilerestoredthedisguisequicklyenoughtosavehimfromthedistrustthathistruenatureshould’veprovokedinothers.
AndheknewthatIknew.Everytimehelookedatme,therewasaquestioninhiseyes.Whycanyouseeme?
We’dcomeclosetoviolence,DaSilvaandI,andwebothknewthatoneday,onenight,inonesituationoranother,there’dbeaheadcountthatwouldleaveoneofusbehind.
Lookingathimthen,atthatCouncilmeeting,Iwassurethatwhenitdidfinallycome,Andrewwouldn’tbealone:he’dbeleaning,hard,onthestrong,wideshouldersofhisfriendAmir.
NextaroundthetablewasFarid,knownasFaridtheFixer,whosedevotiontoKhaderbhaihadrivalledthatofgrizzledNazeer.FaridblamedhimselfforKhaderbhai’sdeathinAfghanistan,convincinghimself,despiteourassurances,thatifhe’dbeentherewithusinthesnow,Khaderbhaimight’vesurvived.
Hisguiltanddespairdrovehimtorecklessness,butitalsopushedhimintoadeeperfriendshipwithme.I’dalwayslikedFarid.Ilikedhisfuriousness,andhiswillingnesstorunintothestorm:theshadowthatfellbeforeratherthanbehindhiseverystep.
AsIlookedathim,thatday,inthelongpausewhileSanjaydecidedwhatactiontotakeaboutroguelandlords,unlicensedthugs,andpredatoryScorpions,Faridlookedupatmewithembersofsorrowburninghiseyes.ForamomentIwasbackthere,onthesnow-scatteredmountain,staringintothedead,snow-stonefaceofKhaderbhai:themanFaridandIhadbothcalledfather,father,father.
ThelastmanatthetablebeforeHusseinandAbdullahcoughedpolitely.HisnamewasRajubhai,andhewasthecontrollerofcurrenciesfortheCompany.Afatman,whocarriedhissumptuousgirthwithingenuouspride,Rajubhaihadthelookofanelderfromadistantvillage,buthewasabornMumbaikar.
Asplendidpinkturbancoveredhishead,andheworethetraditionalwhitedhotibeneathhisknee-lengthsleevelesssergetunic.Neverfullyrelaxedbeyondthesereneboundariesofhiscurrencycountingroom,Rajubhaifidgetedinhisplace,glancingathiswatchwheneverSanjaywasn’tlooking.
‘Okay,’Sanjaysaidatlast.‘Thislandlordhasgotbigballs,I’llgivehimthat,butit’snotacceptable,whathedid.Itwillsendoutallthewrongsignals,andthisisabadtimetobesendingwrongsignals.Abdullah,Hussein,Farid,gopickuponeofthosethugshehired,thebiggest,toughestone,theleader.Takehimtothesecondfloorofthatotherbuilding,thenewapartmenttowerthey’rebuildingatNavyNagar.’
‘Ji,’Abdullahreplied.Sir.
‘Usethatnewplace,wheretheypaidtheScorpionGanginsteadofuslastmonth.Throwthemadachudhoffthesecondfloorofthatbuilding.Makesurehehitsthesitemanagementoffice,ifyoucan,orsomethingelsethatwillsendamessagetotheconstructioncompanyandtheScorpionfuckersboth.Givetheguysomecheerfulfuckingencouragement,first.Findouteverythingheknows.Ifhesurvivesafteryouthrowhimoutthewindow,thegoonisfreetoleave.’
‘Jarur.’Abdullahnodded.Certainly
‘Afterthat,’Sanjayadded,‘rounduptherestofthosethugs,andtakethemtovisitthelandlordwhohiredthem.Makethembeathimup.Makehisownhiredgoonskicktheshitoutofhim.Besuretheygivehimasolidpasting.Thencuttheirfaces,andsendthemoutofthecity.’
‘Jarur.’
‘Whenhewakesup,tellthelandlordhistaxhasdoubled.Thenmakehimpayforallthetimeandtroublehe’scaused.Andthehospitalbills,forShiningPatelandRafiq.BestqawwalisingerIeverheard,thatguy.Adamnshame.’
‘Thatitwas,’MahmoudMelbaafagreed.
‘Adamnshame,’Amirsighed.
‘Yougotallthat,Abdullah?’Sanjayasked.
‘Gotit.’
Sanjaytookadeepbreath,puffinghischeeksashelettheairout,andlookedaroundattheothermembersoftheCouncil.
‘Arewedone?’heasked.
Therewasalittlesilence,butthenRajubhaispokeupquickly.
‘Timeandmoneywaitfornoman,’hesaid,searchingforhissandals.
Alltheothersstood.Onebyone,theynoddedtowardTariq,theboywhosatintheemperorchair,beforetheylefttheroom.WhenonlySanjayremained,andhe,too,begantowalktowardthedoor,Iapproachedhim.
‘Sanjaybhai?’
‘Oh,Lin,’hesaid,turningquickly.‘HowwasGoa?Thosegunsyoubroughtback,thatwasgoodworkdownthere.’
‘Goawas…fine.’
‘But?’
‘Buttwothings,actually,sinceI’vebeenaway.CycleKillers,andAfghans.What’sgoingon?’
Hisfacemovedintotheshadowlandofanger,andhislipbegantocurl.Leaninginclosetome,hespokeinawhisper.
‘Youknow,Lin,don’tmistakeyourusefulnessforyourvalue.IsentyoutoGoatogetthosegunsbecauseallmybettermenaretoowellknowndownthere.AndIwantedtomakesurethatnoneofmybettermengotbustedonthatfirstrun,ifitdidn’tgowell.Areweclear?’
‘Youcalledmeheretotellmethat?’
‘Ididn’tcallyoutothismeeting,andIdidn’tpermityoutositthroughit.Iwouldn’tdothat.AndIdidn’tlikeit.Ididn’tlikeitatall.ItwasTariqwhocalledyou,andTariqwhoinsistedthatyoubeallowedtostay.’
Togetherweturnedtolookattheboy.
‘Ifyouhavethetime,Lin?’Tariqsaid,quietlybutfirmly.
Itwasn’tarequest.
‘Well,’Sanjaysaid,inaloudervoice,slappingmeontheshoulder,‘I’llbegoing.Don’tknowwhyyoucameback,Lin.Me,IfuckingloveGoa.Ifitwasme,I’dhavedisappeared,man,andstayedonthebeachforever.Iwouldn’thaveblamedyouifyoudid.’
Sanjaywalkedfromthemeetingroom.IsatdownbesideTariqagain.Iwasangry,andittookmeawhiletolookdirectlyintotheboy’sexpressionlesseyes.Afullminutepassedinslowlybreathingsilence.
‘You’renotgoingtoaskme?’Tariqbeganatlast,smilingfaintly.
‘Askyouwhat,Tariq?’
‘WhyIcalledyoutotheCouncilmeetingtoday.’
‘I’massumingyou’llgetaroundtoit,soonerorlater,’Ismiledbackathim.
Tariqseemedabouttolaugh,butregainedhisseverecomposure.
‘Youknow,Lin,that’soneofthequalitiesthatmyunclelikedmostaboutyou,’hesaid.‘Deepdown,hesaidtomeafewtimes,you’remoreInshallah,ifyouknowwhatImean,thananyofus.’
Ididn’trespond.IassumedthatusingthetermInshallah,meaningThewillofGod,orIfGodwillsit,meantthatheconsideredmetobefatalistic.
Itwasn’ttrue.Ididn’taskquestionsaboutwhatwedid,becauseIdidn’tcare.Icaredaboutpeople,somepeople,butIdidn’tcareaboutanythingelse.Ididn’tcarewhathappenedtomeinthoseyearsafterescapingfromprison.Thefuturealwayslookedlikefire,andthepastwasstilltoodark.
‘Whenmyuncledied,’Tariqcontinued,‘weallworkedaccordingtotheinstructionsinhiswill,anddividedhismanyassets.’
‘Irecall.’
‘Asyouknow,Imyselfreceivedthishouse,andaconsiderablesumofmoney.’
IglancedaroundtolookatNazeer.Theoldsoldier’sscowlremained,fierceandimmutable,butoneshaggyeyebrowtwitchedaflickerofinterest.
‘Andyou,’Tariqcontinued.‘YouneverreceivedanythingfromKhaderbhai.Youwerenotmentioned.’
I’dlovedKhaderbhai.Damagedsonshavetwofathers:thewoundedonethey’rebornwith,andtheonetheirwoundedheartschoose.I’dchosenKhaderbhai,andI’dlovedhim.
ButIwassure,aloneinthatroominsidewheretruthisamirror,thatevenifhe’dcaredforme,insomeway,he’dalsoseenmeasapawninhisgreatgame.
‘Ineverexpectedtobementioned.’
‘Youdidnotexpecttoberemembered?’heinsisted,inclininghisheadtoemphasisehisdoubt.
ItwasexactlythesamegesturethatKhaderbhaihadusedwhenhewasteasingmeinphilosophicaldiscussions.
‘Eventhoughyouweresoclosetohim?Eventhoughheacknow-ledgedyou,morethanonce,asafavourite?Eventhoughyou,andNazeer,werewithhiminthemissionthatcosthimhislife?’
‘YourEnglishisgettingdamngood,’Iobserved,tryingtochangethedirectionoftheconversation.‘Thisnewtutor’sdoingagreatjob.’
‘Ilikeher,’Tariqreplied,butthenhiseyesflickerednervously,andheamendedhishastyreply.‘Imean,Irespectmyteacher.Sheisanexcellenttutor.Ratherbetter,Imightsay,thanyouwereyourself,Lin.’
Therewasalittlepause.Iputthepalmsofmyhandsonmyknees,signallingthatIwasreadytoleave.
‘Well–’
‘Wait!’hesaidquickly.
Ifrowned,lookinghardattheboy,butrelentedwhenIsawthepleadingcrouchedinhiseyes.Isatbackoncemore,andcrossedmyarms.
‘This…thisweek,’hebeganagain,‘wediscoveredsomenewpapersofmyuncle.ThosepapershadbeenlostinhiscopyoftheKoran.Ornotlost,butsimplynotfound,untilthisweek.Myuncleplacedthemthere,justbeforehewenttoAfghanistan.’
Theboypaused,andIglancedbackatthebrawnybodyguard,myfriendNazeer.
‘Heleftyouagift,’Tariqsaidsuddenly.‘Itisasword.Hisownsword,thathadbelongedtohisgreat-grandfather,andthattwicehasbeenusedinbattleagainsttheBritish.’
‘Theremustbesomemistake.’
‘Thepapersarequitespecific,’Tariqsaidstiffly.‘Intheeventofhisdeath,theswordwastogotoyou.Notasabequest,butasagift,frommyhands,directlytoyours.Youwillhonourmenow,byacceptingit.’
Nazeerbroughtthesword.Heunwrappedlayersofsilkclothprotection,andpresentedtheswordtomeinhisupturnedpalms.
Thelongswordwasinawidesilverscabbard,chiselledtoshowaflightofhawksinrelief.TheapicalportionofthescabbardshowedaninscriptionfromtheKoran.Thehiltwasmadeoflapis,inlaidwithturquoisetocoverthefixingrivets.Ahandguardofbeatensilversweptinagracefulcurvefromthepommeltothecrossguard.
‘It’samistake,’Irepeated,staringattheheirloomweapon.‘Itshouldbeyours.Itmustbeyours.’
Theboysmiled,gratefulandwistfulinequalmeasure.
‘Youarequiteright,itshouldbemine,’hesaid.‘Butthepapers,writteninKhaderbhai’sownhand,areveryspecific.Theswordisyours,Lin.Anddon’tthinktorefuseit.Iknowyourheart.Ifyoutrytogiveitbacktome,Iwillbeoffended.’
‘There’sanotherconsideration,’Isaid,stillstaringatthesword.‘YouknowthatIescapedfromprisoninmycountry.Icouldbearrestedandsentbackthereatanytime.Ifthathappens,theswordcouldbelost.’
‘YouwillneverhavetroublewiththepoliceinBombay,’Tariqinsisted.‘Youarewithus.Noharmcancometoyouhere.Andifyouleavethecityforsomelongtime,youcangivetheswordtoNazeer,whowillprotectituntilyoureturn.’
HenoddedtoNazeer,wholeanedincloser,urgingmetotaketheweaponfromhishands.Ilookedintohiseyes.Nazeer’smouthtightenedinawillow-droopsmile.
‘Takethesword,’hesaidinUrdu.‘Anddrawthesword.’
TheswordwaslighterthanI’dexpectedittobe.Iletitrestonmykneesforatime.
InthatsilentminuteintheneglectedmansionIhesitated,thinkingthatifIdrewtheswordfromitsscabbard,memorieswouldbleedoutfromthesheathofforgetfulness,wheresomeofthetime,enoughofthetime,theywerehidden.ButtraditiondemandedthatIdrawthesword,asasignofacceptingit.
Idrewthebladeintothelightandstood,holdingthenakedswordatmyside,thepointofthebladeonlyafinger’sbreadthfromthemarblefloor.Anditwastrue.Ifeltit:thepowerinathingtoswellatideofmemory.
Isheathedtheswordagain,andfacedTariq.Theboyindicatedthechairbesidehimwithanodofhishead.Isatoncemore,theswordbalancedacrossmyknees.
‘Thetextonthesword,’Isaid.‘Ican’treadtheArabic.’
‘InnaLillahiwainna–’TariqbeganinthepoetryoftheKoran.
‘–ilayhiraji’un,’Ifinishedforhim.
Iknewthequote.WebelongtoGod,anduntoGoddowereturn.EveryMuslimgangstersaiditonthewayintobattle.Weallsaidit,evenifweweren’tMuslim,justincase.
ThefactthatIcouldn’tevenreadtheArabicinscriptionontheancestor-swordKhaderbhaihadlefttomewasabitterpinchonTariq’sface.Isympathisedwithhim:Iagreedwithhim,infact,thatIdidn’tdeservethesword,andcouldn’tknowthebloodsignificancethattheheirloomhadforTariq.
‘TherewasaletteramongthosepaperswefoundintheHolyBook,’hesaid,controllingeverybreathandword.‘Itwasalettertoyou.’
Ifeltthecobrarisingwithinme.Aletter.Ididn’twantit.Idon’tlikeletters.Anydarkpastisavampire,feedingonthebloodofthelivingmoment,andlettersarethebats.
‘Webegantoreadit,’Tariqsaid,‘notknowingthatitwasaddressedtoyou.Itwasnotuntilhalfwaythroughitthatwerealiseditwashislastlettertoyou.Westoppedreadingimmediately.Wedidnotfinishtheletter.Wedonotknowhowitends.ButweknowthatitbeginswithSriLanka.’
Sometimestheriveroflifetakesyoutotherocks.Theletter,thesword,thedecisionsmadeattheCouncilmeeting,Don’tmistakeyourusefulnessforyourvalue,theCycleKillers,gunsfromGoa,SriLanka:streamsofcoincidenceandconsequence.Andwhenyouseetherockscoming,you’vegottwochoices:stayintheboat,orjump.
NazeerhandedTariqthesilverenvelope.Tariqtappeditagainsthisopenpalm.
‘Myuncle’sgifts,’hesaid,evenmoresoftly,‘werealwaysgivenwithconditions,andneveracceptedwithout–’
‘Consequences,’Ifinishedforhim.
‘Iwasgoingtosaysubmission.ThishousewasagiftinKhaderbhai’swill,butitwasgiventomeontheconditionthatIneverleaveit,evenforaminute,untilIreachtheageofeighteenyears.’
Ididn’thidemyshock.Iwasn’tsensitivetowhathewasgoingthrough,andbecoming.
‘What?’
‘Itisnotsobad,’Tariqsaid,settinghisjawagainstmyindignation.‘Allofmytutorscomehere,tome.Iamlearningeverything.English,science,Islamicstudies,economics,andthefightingarts.AndNazeerisalwayswithme,andallofthehouseholdservants.’
‘Butyou’refourteenyearsold,Tariq.You’vegotfourmoreyearsofthis?Doyouevermeetanyotherkids?’
‘Meninmyfamilyfightandleadatfifteenyearsold,’Tariqdeclared,glaringatme.‘Andevenatthisage,Iamalreadylivingmydestiny.Canyousaythesameofyourlife?’
Youngdeterminationisthestrongestenergyweeverhave,alone.Ididn’twanttocriticisehiscommitment:Ijustwantedtobesurethathewasawareofalternatives.
‘Tariq,’Isighed.‘Idon’thavetheslightestideawhatyou’retalkingabout.’
‘Iwillnotsimplyfollowinthefootstepsofmyuncle,’hesaidslowly,asifIwasthechild,‘IwillbecomeKhaderbhai,oneday,andIwillleadallofthesemenwhowereheretoday.Includingyou,Lin.Iwillbeyourleader.Ifyouarestillwithus.’
IlookedoncemoreatNazeer,whogazedbackatme,asoftlyburningdiamondofprideinhiseyes.Ibegantowalkaway.
‘Theletter!’Tariqsaidquickly.
Suddenlyangry,Ispunroundtofacehimagain.Iwasabouttospeak,butTariqraisedtheletterinhishand.
‘ItbeginswithamentionofSriLanka,’Tariqsaid,offeringmethesilverenvelope.‘Iknowthatitwashiswish.Yougaveyourwordtogothere,isn’titso?’
‘Idid,’Isaid,takingtheletterfromhisslenderfingers.
‘OuragentsinTrincomaleetellusthatthetimewillsoonberightforyoutofulfilyourpromise.’
‘When?’Iasked,holdingthetwinlegacies,letterandsword.
‘Soon,’Tariqsaid,glancingatNazeer.‘Abdullahwillletyouknow.Butbeready,atanytime.Itwillbesoon.’
Theinterviewwasover.Acoldcourtesykepttheboyinhisseat,butIknewthathewasanxioustoleave:evenmoreanxious,perhaps,formetoleavehim.
Iwalkedtowardthedoorleadingtothecourtyard.Nazeeraccompaniedme.Atthedoor,Ilookedbacktoseethetallboystillsittingintheemperorchair,hisfacesupportedbyhishand.Histhumbextendeddownwardsagainsthisdimpledcheek,andthefingersfannedoutacrosshisforehead.ItwasexactlythegestureI’dseenwhenKhaderbhaiwaslostinthought.
Atthestreetdoorofthemansion,Nazeerretrievedacalicopouch,completewithashoulderstrap.Theswordfittedneatlyinside,concealedbythecloth,andcouldbewornacrossmybackasIrodemybike.
Slippingthepouchovermyshoulder,Nazeeradjustedtheswordfussilyuntilithungtojusttherightaestheticangle.Hehuggedmequickly,furtivelyandfiercely,crunchingmyribsinthehoopofhisarms.
Hewalkedawaywithoutawordorabackwardglance.Hisbowedlegswaddledathisfastestpace,hurryinghimbacktotheboy,theyoungmanwhowashismasterandhisonlylove:Khaderbhai,comebacktolife,sothatNazeermightservehimagain.
Watchinghimleave,Irememberedanothertimewhenthemansionhadbeenfilledwithplantsandthemusicoffallingwater,andtamepigeonshadfollowedNazeer’severystepthroughthehugehouse.Theylovedhim,thosebirds.
Buttherewerenobirdsinthemansion,andtheonlysoundIheardwasametal-to-metalstutter,liketeethchatteringinafreezingwind:cartridges,beinginsertedintothemagazineofaKalashnikov,onebrassburialchamberatatime.ChapterEight
Outsideonthestreetearlyeveningglowedoneveryface,asifthewholeworldwasblushingtothinkwhatthenightwouldbring.Abdullahwaswaitingforme,hisbikeparkedbesidemine.Hegaveafewrupeestothekidswho’dstoodguardoverourbikes.Theyshoutedtheirdelight,andrantothesweetshopsonthecornertobuycigarettes.
Abdullahswungoutbesidemeintothetraffic.Ataredlight,Ispokeforthefirsttime.
‘I’mpickingupLisa,attheMahesh.Wannacome?’
‘I’llridewithyouthatfar,’herepliedsolemnly,‘butIwillnotjoinyou.Ihavesomework.’
WerodeinsilencealongtheshoppingboulevardofMohammedAliRoad.Theallureoftheperfumebazaarsgavewaytothesugaredscentsoffirni,rabri,andfaloodasweetshops.TheglitteringsplendourofbangleandbraceletshopssurrenderedtothegorgeousfractalsofPersiancarpets,displayedsidetosideforacityblock.
Asthelongroadendedinathatch-workconfusionofhandcarts,nearthevastCrawfordMarketcomplex,wetookashortcut,ridingthewrongwayintostreamsoftraffic,threadingthroughthewideeyeofanotherjunction.
Backintherightflowoftrafficagain,wepausedforthelongsignalatMetrotheatrejunction.Amoviepostercoveredthefirstfloorofthecinema.BadGuyandGoodGuyfaces,drenchedingreen,yellowandpurple,toldtheirstoryofloveandanguishfrombehindathornyhedgeofgunsandswords.
Familiesjammedintocarsandtaxisstaredupatthemovieposter.Ayoungboyinacarneartomewaved,pointedattheposter,andmadehishandintoagun,tofireatme.Hepulledthetrigger.Ipretendedthatabullethadstruckmyarm,andtheboylaughed.Hisfamilylaughed.Peopleinothercarslaughed.
Theboy’skindlyfacedMotherurgedtheboytoshootmeagain.Theboypointedhisfinger-gun,aimedwithasquintingeye,andfired.Ididthe-Bad-Guy-coming-to-a-bad-end,andsprawledoutonthetankofmybike.
WhenIsatupagaineveryoneinthecarsclappedorwavedorlaughed.
Itookabow,andturnedtoseeAbdullah’sashenmortification.
WeareCompanymen,Iheardhimthinking.Respectandfear.Oneortheother,andnothingelse.Respectandfear.
OnlytheseaonthecoastridetotheMaheshhotelfinallysoftenedhissternexpression.Herodeslowly,onehandonthethrottle,onehandonhiship.Irodeupclosebesidehim,restingmylefthandonhisshoulder.
Whenweshookhandsgoodbye,Iaskedoneofthequestionsthathadbeenonmymindthroughouttheride.
‘Didyouknowaboutthesword?’
‘Everyoneknowsaboutit,Lin,mybrother.’
Ourhandsparted,butheheldmyeyes.
‘Someofthem,’hesaidcarefully,‘theyarejealousthatKhaderbhailefttheswordtoyou.’
‘Andrew.’
‘Heisone.Butheisnottheonlyone.’
Iwassilent,mylipstightonthecursethatwasstainingtheinsideofmymouth.Sanjay’swords,Don’tmistakeyourusefulnessforyourvalue,hadforkedthroughmyheartlikesummerlightning,andavoicewascallingmetogo,torun,anywhereelse,beforeitendedinbadblood.AndthentherewasSriLanka.
‘I’llseeyoutomorrow,Inshallah,’Isaid,standingtoparkmybike.
‘Tomorrow,Inshallah,’hereplied,steppinghisbikeintogearandpullingawayfromthekerb.
Withoutlookingback,hecalledouttome.‘Allahhafiz!’MayAllahbeyourguardian!
‘Allahhafiz,’Ireplied,tomyself.
TheSikhsecurityguardsatthedooroftheMaheshhotellookedwithsomeinterestatthesword-shapedparcelstrappedtomyback,butletmepasswithanodandasmile.Theyknewmewell.
Passports,abandonedbyguestswhoskippedoutofthehotelwithoutpayingtheirbills,foundtheirwaytomethroughthesecurityteamsordeskmanagersatmostofthehotelsinthecity.
Itwasasteadystreamofbooks,asillegalpassportswereknown,runningtofifteenormoreamonthintheskipseason.Andtheywerethebestkindofbooks:thekindthatpeoplewholosethemdon’treport.
Everysecurityofficeineveryfive-starhotelintheworldhasawallofpicturesofpeoplewhoskippedoutonahotelbill,someofthemleavingtheirpassportsbehind.Mostpeoplelookedatthatwalltoidentifycriminals.Forme,itwasshopping.
Inthelobbyofthehotel,Iscannedtheopen-plancoffeeloungeandsawLisa,stillatameetingwithfriendsbesidethewide,tallwindowsthatlookedatthesea.
Idecidedtowashsomeofthestreetdirtoffmyfaceandhandsbeforegreetingher,andmademywaytowardthemen’sroom.AsIreachedthedoorIheardavoice,speakingfrombehindme.
‘Isthataswordonyourback,orareyoujustfurioustoseeme?’
IturnedtoseeRanjit,thebuddingmediatycoon,thehandsomeathleteandpoliticalactivist:themanthatKarla,myKarla,hadmarried.Hewassmiling.
‘I’malwaysfurioustoseeyou,Ranjit.Goodbye.’
Hesmiledagain.Itlookedlikeanhonest,earnestsmile.Ididn’tlookcloseenoughtofindout,becausethemansmilingatmewasmarriedtoKarla.
‘Goodbye,Ranjit.’
‘What?No,wait!’hesaidquickly.‘I’dliketotalktoyou.’
‘Wejustdid.Goodbye,Ranjit.’
‘No,really!’hesaid,dodginginfrontofme,hissmilealmostintact.‘I’vejustfinishedameeting,andIwasonmywayout,butI’mdamngladthatIranintoyou.’
‘Runintosomeoneelse,Ranjit.’
‘Please.Please.That’s…that’snotawordIuseeveryday.’
‘Whatdoyouwant?’
‘There’s…there’ssomethingI’vebeenwantingtotalktoyouabout.’
IglancedaroundtowardLisa,sittingwithherfriends.Shelookedupandcaughtmyeye.Inodded.Sheunderstood,andnoddedback,beforereturningherattentionbacktoherfriends.
‘What’sonyourmind?’Iasked.
Arippleofsurprisescuddedacrosstheflawlesslandscapeofhisfinefeatures.
‘Ifit’sabadtime–’
‘Wedon’thaveagoodtime,Ranjit.Gettothepoint.’
‘Lin…I’msurewecouldbefriends,ifwejust–’
‘Don’tmakethisaboutyouandme,Ranjit.Thereisnoyouandme.I’dknowit,iftherewas.’
‘Youspeakasifyoudon’tlikeme,’Ranjitsaid.‘Butyoudon’tknowmeatall.’
‘Idon’tlikeyou.Andthat’sjustalready.IfIknowyoubetter,it’ssuretogetworse.’
‘Why?’
‘Whywhat?’
‘Whydon’tyoulikeme?’
‘Youknow,ifyoustandinthelobbystoppingeveryonewhodoesn’tlikeyou,andaskingthemwhy,youbettergetaroom,becauseyou’llbehereallnight.’
‘But,wait…it’s…Idon’tunderstand.’
‘YourambitionisputtingKarlaatrisk,’Isaidquietly.‘Idon’tlikeit.Idon’tlikeyou,fordoingit.Isthatclearenough?’
‘It’sKarlathatIwantedtotalktoyouabout,’hesaid,studyingmyface.
‘WhataboutKarla?’
‘Iwanttobesureshe’ssafe,that’sall.’
‘Whatdoyoumean,safe?’
Hisbrowfurrowedintoadiscomfitedfrown.Hefatigue-sighed,allowinghisheadtofallforwardforamoment.
‘Idon’tevenknowhowtostartthis…’
Ilookedaround,andthendirectedhimtoaspaceinthewidefoyer,withtwoemptychairs.Pullingtheswordfrommyshoulders,Isatfacinghim,thecalico-wrappedweaponrestingonmyknees.
Awaiterapproachedusimmediately,butIsmiledhimaway.Ranjithunghisheadforatime,staringatthecarpet,butthenshruggedhimselftogether.
‘Youknow,I’vebeenprettydeepinthepoliticalstufflately.Runningsomeimportantcampaigns.Peoplehavebeengettingatme,inanypressthatIdon’town.Isupposeyou’veheard.’
‘Iheardyou’vebeenbuyingvotebanks,’Isaid.‘That’smakingpeoplenervous.BacktoKarla.’
‘Haveyou…haveyoutalkedtoKarla?’
‘Whydoyouaskthat?’
‘Haveyou?’
‘We’redone,Ranjit.’
Ibegantostand,buthepressedmetostay.
‘Look,letmegetthisout.I’vebeenrunningastrongpresscampaignagainsttheSpearofKarma.’
‘Aspearthat’llhitKarla,ifyoudon’tstopprovokingpeopleintothrowingit.’
‘That’s…that’sjustwhatIwantedtotalktoyouabout.Yousee…Iknowthatyou’restillinlovewithher.’
‘Goodbye,’Isaid,standingtoleaveagain,buthegraspedatmywrist.
Ilookedathishand.
‘That’snotadvised.’
Hepulledhishandaway.
‘Please,wait.Please,justsitdown,andhearwhatI’vegottosay.’
Isatdown.Mybrowwasallfaultlines,anditwasRanjit’sfault.
‘Iknowyou’regoingtothinkI’mreallyoutofline,’hesaidquickly,‘butIthinkyou’dwanttoknow,ifKarlawasindanger.’
‘You’rethethreattoher,andyoushouldbackoff.Soon.’
‘Areyouthreateningme?’
‘Yes.Sogladwehadthistalk.’
Westaredatoneanother,acrossthespacethathoversbetweenpredatorandprey:hot,imminentanddriven.
Karla.Myfirstsightofher,onmyfirstdayinBombay,yearsbefore,hadputmyheartlikeahuntingbirdonherwrist.
She’dusedme.She’dlovedme,untilIlovedher.She’drecruitedmetoworkforKhaderbhai.Whenthebloodwaswashedfromfloorsoflove,andhate,andvengeance,andthewoundshadhealedtoabrailleofscars,she’dmarriedthehandsome,smilingmillionairestaringintomyeyes.Karla.
IglancedaroundatLisa,beautifulandbright,inthecompanyofherartistfriends.Mymouthtastedsour,andmyheartbeatwasrising.Ihadn’tspokentoKarlafortwoyears,butIfeltlikeatraitortoLisa,sittingtherewhileRanjittalkedaboutKarla.IlookedbacktoRanjit.Iwasn’thappy.
‘Icanseeitinyou,’hesaid.‘Youstillloveher.’
‘Doyouwantmetoslapyou,Ranjit?Becauseifthat’sit,you’remostlythere.’
‘No,ofcoursenot.I’msureyoustillloveher,’hesaidhonestlyandearnestly,itseemed,‘because,youknow,ifIwasyou,I’dstillloveher,evenifsheleftmetomarryanotherman.There’sonlyoneKarla.There’sonlyonecrazywayforanymantoloveher.Webothknowthat.’
Thebestthingaboutabusinesssuitisthatthere’salwaysplentytohangonto,ifneedbe.Igrabbedathissuit,andshirt,andtie.
‘StoptalkingaboutKarla,’Isaid.‘Quitwhileyou’rebehind.’
Heopenedhismouthtoshout,Ithink,butthoughtbetterofit.Hewasapowerfulman,peeringthroughapoliticalwindowatmorepower,andcouldn’tmakeascene.
‘Please,please,I’mnottryingtoupsetyou,’hepleaded.‘IwantyoutohelpKarla.Ifsomethinghappenstome,willyoupromise–’
Ilethimgo,andhepulledawayquickly,sittingbackinhischairandadjustinghissuit.
‘Whatareyoutalkingabout?’
‘Therewasanattemptonmylifelastweek,’hesaidsorrowfully.
‘You’reanattemptonyourownlife,Ranjit,everytimeyouopenyourmouth.’
‘Therewasabombinmycar.’
‘Tellmeaboutthebomb.’
‘Mydriverwasawayfromthecarforonlyafewminutes,buyingpaan.Luckily,henoticedatrailingwirewhenhereturned,andhefoundthebomb.Wecalledthepolice,andtheytookitaway.Itwasn’tarealbomb,butthenotesaidthatthenextonewouldbe.Imanagedtokeepitfromthepress.Ihaveacertainamountofinfluence,asyouknow.’
‘Changeyourdriver.’
Helaughedweakly.
‘Changeyourdriver,’Isaidagain.
‘Mydriver?’
‘He’syourweaklink.Oddsare,hefoundthebombthere,becauseheputitthere.Hewaspaid.Itwasdonetoscareyou.’
‘I…you’rejoking,ofcourse.He’sbeenwithmeforthreeyears…’
‘Good.Givehimaniceseverancepackage.Butgetridofhim.’
‘He’ssuchaloyalman…’
‘DoesKarlaknowaboutthis?’
‘No.AndIdon’twanthertoknow.’
Itwasmyturntolaugh.
‘Karla’sabiggirl.Andshe’ssmart.Youshouldn’tbekeepingthisfromher.’
‘Still…’
‘You’rewastingyourbestresource,ifyoudon’ttellher.She’ssmarterthanyouare.She’ssmarterthananybody.’
‘But–’
‘Tellher.’
‘Maybe.Maybeyou’reright.ButIjustwanttotrytogetahandleonthisthing,youknow?Ithinkit’llbeokay.Ihavegoodsecurity.ButIworryforher.That’smyonlyrealworry.’
‘Itoldyoubefore,backoff,’Isaid.‘Layoffthepolitics,forawhile.Theysaythefishstartstostinkatthehead.Isayifitstinksanywhere,you’vebeentheretoolong.’
‘Iwon’tstop,Lin.Theseguys,thesefanatics,that’showtheywin.Theyscareeverybodyintosilence.’
‘You’regonnateachmepoliticsnow?’
Hesmiled:thefirstsmileofhisthatIalmostliked,becauseitwassewnattheedgesbysomethingkinderthanbrightvictory.
‘I…Ithinkwe’reontheedgeofatrulybigchangeinthewaywethink,andact,andmaybeeventhewaywedreaminthiscountry.Ifbettermindswin,ifIndiabecomesatrulymodern,seculardemocracy,withrightsandfreedomsforall,thenextcenturywillbetheIndiancentury,andwe’llleadtheworld.’
Helookedintomyeyesandsawthescepticism.HewasrightaboutIndia’sfuture,everyoneinBombayknewitandfeltitinthoseyears,butwhathe’dgivenmewasaspeech,andonehe’ddeliveredbefore.
‘Youknow,’Isaid,‘everyguyoneverysidemakesthesamespeech.’
Heopenedhismouthtoprotest,butIstoppedhimwitharaisedpalm.
‘Idon’tdopolitics,butIknowhatredwhenIseeit,andIknowthatpokinghatredwithastickwillgetyoubit.’
‘I’mgladyouunderstand,’hesighed,lettinghisshoulderssag.
‘I’mnottheonewhohastounderstand.’
Hisbackstraightenedagain.
‘I’mnotafraidofthem,youknow?’
‘Itwasabomb,Ranjit.Ofcourseyou’reafraid.I’mafraidjusttalkingtoyou.I’llpreferitwhenyou’refaraway.’
‘IfIknewyou’dbethereforher,withyour…yourfriends,I’dbeabletofacethissituationwithaquietheart.’
Ifrownedathim,wonderingifheunderstoodalltheironiesthatwerepackedintohisrequest.Idecidedtothrowoneback.
‘Coupleweeksback,yourafternoonnewspapercarriedaprettyrougharticleabouttheBombaymafia.Oneofthosefriendsofminewasmentionedbyname.Thearticlecalledforhimtobearrested,orbannedfromthecity.Andhe’samanwhohasn’tbeenchargedwithanything.Whathappenedtoinnocentbeforeguilty?Whathappenedtojournalism?’
‘Iknow.’
‘AndasIrecall,someotherarticlesinyournewspapercalledforthedeathpenaltytobeapplied,inacaseinvolvinganotheroneofmyfriends.’
‘Yes–’
‘Andnowyou’reaskingme–’
‘ForprotectionforKarla,you’reright,fromthesamemen.Iknowit’shypocritical.Thefactis,I’vegotnowhereelsetoturn.Thesefanaticshavegotpeopleeverywhere.Thecops,thearmy,teachers,theunions,governmentservices.TheonlypeopleinBombaynotcontaminatedbythemare…’
‘Mypeople.’
‘That’sright.’
Itwasprettyfunny,initsownway.Istoodup,holdingtheswordinmylefthand.Hestoodwithme.
‘TellKarlaeverything,’Isaid.‘Anythingyou’vehiddenfromheraboutthis,tellher.Lethermakeupherownmindaboutstayingorleaving.’
‘I’ll…yes,ofcourse.Andaboutourarrangement?ForKarla?’
‘Wedon’thaveanarrangement.There’snoour.There’snoyouandme,remember?’
Hesmiled,openedhismouthtospeak,butthenpulledmeintoahugwithsurprisingpassion.
‘IknowIcancountonyoutodotherightthing,’hesaid.‘Nomatterwhathappens.’
Myfacewasclosetohisneck.Therewasapowerfulperfume:awoman’sperfume,thathadsettledonhisshirtnotlongbefore.Itwasacheapperfume.Itwasn’tKarla’sperfume.
He’dbeenwithawomaninasuiteatthehotel,minutesbeforeheaskedmetowatchoverhiswife,thewomanIstillloved.
Andthereitwas:thetruth,suspendedonathreadofsuspicionbetweenoureyesasIshovedhimfromthehug.IstilllovedKarla.Istilllovedher.Ithadtakenthat,adifferentwoman’sscentonRanjit’sskin,tomakemefaceatruththathadcircledmylifefortwoyears,likeawolfcirclingacampfire.
IstaredatRanjit.Iwasthinkingmurder,andfeelingshamedloveforLisainequalmeasure:notapeacefulcombination.Heshiftedhisfeetawkwardly,tryingtoreadmyeyes.
‘Well…okay,’hesaid,takingastepawayfromme.‘I’ll…I’llgetgoing.’
Iwatchedashewalkedtothedoorsofthehotel.WhenheclimbedintothebackseatofhisMercedessedan,Isawhimglancearoundner-vously,amanwhomadeenemiestooeasily,andtoooften.
IlookedbacktoseeLisa,sittingatthetablenearthewindow,andreachingouttoshakehandswithayoungmanwho’dstoppedtosayhello.
Iknewshedidn’tlikehim.She’doncedescribedhimasmoreslipperythanasquidinthepocketofaplasticraincoatonarainynight.Hewasthesonofasuccessfuldiamondtrader,andhewasbuyinganupperberthinthemovieindustry,shreddingcareersalongtheway.
Hewaskissingherhand.Shewithdrewherhandquickly,butthesmileshegavehimwasradiant.
Sheoncetoldmethateverywomanhasfoursmiles.
‘Onlyfour?’
‘TheFirstSmile,’she’dsaid,ignoringme,‘istheunconsciousonethathappenswithoutthinkingaboutit,likesmilingatakidinthestreet,orsmilingbackatsomeonewho’ssmilingatusfromaTVscreen.’
‘Idon’tsmileattheTV.’
‘EverybodysmilesattheTV.That’swhywehavethem.’
‘Idon’tsmileattheTV.’
‘TheSecondSmile,’she’dpersisted,‘isthepoliteone,thekindweusetoinvitefriendsintoahousewhentheycometothedoor,ortogreettheminarestaurant.’
‘Aretheypaying?’I’dasked.
‘Youwannahearthis,ornot?’
‘IfIsaynot,willyoustop?’
‘TheThirdSmileistheoneweuseagainstotherpeople.’
‘Smilingagainstpeople,huh?’
‘Sure.It’sagoodone.Withsomegirls,thebestsmilethey’vegotistheonetheyusetokeeppeopleaway.’
‘I’mgonnaletthatpass,andskiptothefourth.’
‘Aaah!TheFourthSmileistheoneweonlygivetotheonewelove.It’stheonethatsaysYou’retheone.Nobodyelseevergetsthatsmile.Nomatterhowhappyyouarewithsomeone,andnomatterhowmuchyoulikesomeone,evenifyoulikethemsomuchthatyoulovethemreally,reallyalot,nobodyevergetstheFourthSmileexcepttheoneyou’retrulyinlovewith.’
‘Whathappensifyoubreakup?’
‘TheFourthSmilegoeswiththegirl,’she’dsaidtomethatday.‘TheFourthSmilealwaysgoeswiththegirl.Forex-boyfriendsit’stheSecondSmilefromthenon,unlesshe’sabadex-boyfriend.Badex-boyfriendsonlyevergetaThirdSmile,nomatterhowcharmingtheyare.’
IwatchedLisagivetheyoungproducermanquéherbestThirdSmile,andwalkedtothemen’sroomtowashoffthenewdirtI’daccumulatedtalkingtoRanjit.
Theblackandcreamtiledrestroomwaslarger,moreelegantlylit,betterappointed,andmorecomfortablethaneightypercentofthehomesinthecity.Irolledupthesleevesofmyshirt,ransomewaterovermyshorthair,andwashedmyface,handsandforearms.
Theattendanthandedmeafreshtowel.Hesmiledatme,wagginghisheadingreeting.
OneofthegreatmysteriesofIndia,andthegreatestofallitsjoys,isthetenderwarmthofthelowestpaid.Themanwasn’tanglingforatip:mostofthemenwhousedthewashroomdidn’tgiveone.Hewassimplyakindman,inaplaceofessentialrequirement,givingmeagenuinelykindsmile,onehumanbeingtoanother.
It’sthatkindness,fromthedeepestwelloftheIndianheart,that’sthetrueflagofthenation,andtheconnectionthatbringsyoubacktoIndiaagainandagain,orholdsyouthereforever.
Ireachedintomypockettogivehimatip,andthesilverenvelopecontainingKhaderbhai’slettercameoutinmyhandwiththemoney.Handingthemanhistip,Iputtheenvelopedownonthewidecounterbesidethebasin,andthensupportedmyselfwithbotharms,staringintomyowneyesinthemirror.
Ididn’twanttoreadtheletter:Ididn’twanttorollthatstoneawayfromthecavewhereI’dhiddensomuchofthepast.ButTariqsaidthatthelettermentionedSriLanka.Ihadtoreadit.Lockingmyselfinastall,Istoodtheswordagainstacornerofthedoorandsatdownonthehardseat-covertoreadKhaderbhai’sletter.
Iheldinmyhandthisdayasmallblueglassball,ofthekindthattheycallamarbleinEnglish,andIthoughtaboutSriLanka,andthosewhowilljourneytothereinmyname,asyouhavepromisedthatyouwilldoforme.ForalongtimeIstaredatthatblueglassballinthepalmofmyhandafterIfounditonthegroundandpickeditup.Insuchfragilethingsandsubtlewaysisthepatternofourlivesrevealedtous.Wearecollectionsofthingsthatwefindandexperienceandvalueandkeepinsideourselves,sometimesknowingly,sometimesunknowingly,andthatcollectionofthingsiswhatwefinallybecome.
Icollectedyou,Shantaram.Youareoneoftheornamentsofmylife.Youaremydearson,likeallmydearsons.
Myhandsbegantoshake:maybeangry,maybesad,Icouldn’ttell.Ihadn’tletmyselfmournhim.Ididn’tvisitthegravestonemonument,intheMarineLinescemetery.Iknewhisbodywasn’tburiedthere,becauseI’dhelpedtoburyhimmyself.
Afeverboiledupthroughmyface,chillingmyscalp.Mydearson
Youwillhateme,Ithink,whenyoucometoknowallofthetruthaboutme.Forgiveme,ifyoucan.Thenightisheavyonme.Itmaybethatallmenwouldbehatedifallofthetruthwereknownaboutthem.Butwiththehonestyrequiredofalettersuchasthis,writtenonthenightbeforewegotowartogether,IcannotsaythatIdonotdeservetobehatedbysome.AndtotheminthismomentIsaygotohell,thelotofyou.
Iwasborntoleavethislegacy.Iwasborntodoitnomatterwhatthecost.DoIusepeople?OfcourseIdo.DoImanipulatepeople?AsmanyasIneed.DoIkillpeople?Ikillanyonewhoopposesmeviolently.AndIamprotectedinthisandIendureandIgrowstronger,whileallaroundmefall,becauseIamfollowingmydestiny.InmyheartIhavedonenowrong,andmyprayersaresincere.Ithinksomehowyouunderstandthat.
Ihavealwayslovedyou,evenfromthefirstnightthatwemet.Doyouremember?WhenItookyoutoseetheBlindSingers?Thatisastrueasanybadthingyouwillcometoknowofme.ThebadthingsaretrueandIfreelyadmitit.Butthegoodthingsarejustastrueeventhoughtheyaretruthsoftheheartandhavenorealityoutsidewhatwefeelandremember.IchoseyoubecauseIloveyouandIloveyoubecauseIchoseyou.Thatisthewholeofthetruth,myson.
IfAllahwillsmetoHim,andyouarereadingthisafterIhavegone,thatisnocauseforsadness.Ihavemanyquestions,andAllah,asyouknow,istheanswertoallquestions.Andmyspirithasmixedwithyours,andwithallofyourbrothers.Youwillneverfear.Iwillalwaysbenearyou.Whenyouarelostandoutnumberedandabandonedyouwillfeelthetouchofmyfather’shandonyourshoulder,andyouwillknowthatmyheartistherenexttoyouinbattle,andallmysons.
Pleasefindawaytoletmysoulkneelwithyoursinprayereventhoughyouarenotamanofprayer.Trytofindamomentforatleastalittleprayereverydayifyoucan.Iwillvisityoutheresometimeswhenyoupray.
Andrememberthislastadvicefromme.Lovethetruththatyoufindintheheartsofothers.Alwayslistentothevoiceofloveinyourownheart.
Islidletterandenvelopeintomywallet.Thewordsthatblueglassappearedinthefoldofletterstillvisibleinthewallet,andmyheartrantothetopofthehill.
Isawhishand.Isawafternoonlight,glowingonhiscinnamon-colouredskin.Isawthefine,longfingersmovingashespoke,asdelicateasthingsborninthesea.Isawhimsmile.Isawthelightofhisthoughts,streamingfromhisambereyes,reflectingofftheblueglassball,andImournedhim.
ForamomentIfoundus,myadoptedfatherandhisabandonedson,inadifferentsomewherebeyondjudgementandfault:aplaceforgiven,aplaceredeemed.
Loveunlivedisasinagainstlife,andmourningisoneofthewayswelove.Ifeltitthen,andIletithappen,thelongingforhimtoreturn.Thepowerinhiseyes,andthepridewhenIdidsomethingheadmired,andtheloveinhislaugh.Thelonging:thelongingforthelost.
Ablood-filleddrumwasbeatingsomewhere.Iwashot,suddenly,andbreathingtoohard.Iclutchedatthesword.Ihadtoleave.Ihadtogetupandleave.
Itwastoolate:sorrowshiddenbehindbannersofrageforyearsfellastears.Itwasmessy,andnoisy.
‘Sir?’thewashroomattendantcalledoutafterawhileofmyblubbering.‘Areyouurgentlyrequiringmoretoiletpaper?’
Ilaughed.Bombaysavedme,asshedidsomanytimes.
‘I’mgood,’Icalledback.‘Thanksforasking.’
Ileftthestall,puttheswordonthetowelstand,andwashedmyfacewithcoldwater.Mirrorcheck:Terrible,butyou’velookedworse.Igavetheverykindattendantanothertip,andmademywaybackthroughthelobbytowardLisa’stable.
Shewasalone,staringoutatthedarkseastreakedwithsilver.Herreflectionstaredbackather,takingthechancetoadmire.Thenshesawmeapproachingherintheglass.
Aroughday.CycleKillers,andtheSanjayCouncil,andRanjit,andKarla,andthethreatofSriLanka,soonerratherthanlater.Aroughday.
Sheturned,runningtheeyesofhergentleintuitionoverthelossandwoundedlovestillprowlingonmyface.
Istartedtospeak,butshesilencedmewithafingertiponmylips,andkissedme.Anditwasokayagain,forawhile.Itwasacrazyloveweshared:shewasn’tinlovewithme,andIcouldn’tbeinlovewithher.Butwemadethenightbrightandthesunlightrightalotofthetime,andneverfeltusedorunloved.
Welookedthroughthehugepicturewindowstothewavesrollingintothebay.Waiterscarryingtraysbehinduswerereflectedontheglass,movingbackandforthasiftheywerewalkingonthewaves.Ablackskystruckthesea,meltinghorizons.
Ifthehourcomes,andthere’sno-onetobegorblamebutyourself,youlearnthatwhatwehaveintheendisjustahandfulmorethanwhatwasborninus.Thatuniquehandful,whatweaddtowhatweare,istheonlystoryofusthatisn’ttoldbysomeoneelse.
Khaderbhaicollectedme,ashislettersaid.Butthecollectorwasdead,andIwasstillanexhibitinthemuseumofcrimehecreatedandlefttotheworld.Sanjayhadusedmetotesthisnewgun-runningcontact,andthatmadeitclear:Ihadtoleavethecollectionandfindmyfreedomagain,assoonaspossible.
Lisatookmyhandbesideme.Andwestoodforawhile,lookingout,twopalereflectionspaintedontheendlesspenanceofthesea.PartTwo
ChapterNine
Storiesfromthewoundsofsevenwarsandpowerstrugglesgushedacrosstheblotteronmydeskinthepassport-counterfeitingfactory.
AnIranianprofessor,ascholarofpre-Islamictextswho’descapedtheRevolutionaryGuard’spurges,requiredafullwork-up:falsebirthcertificate,falseinternationalmotorvehiclelicence,bankdocuments,andafalsepassport,completewithatravelhistorycoveringthelasttwoyears,supportedbyvalidvisastamps.
Thedocumentshadtobegoodenoughtopasscloseinspection,andgetthecustomeronaplane.Whenhegotwhereverhewasgoing,onmyfalsedocuments,heplannedtoditchthem,andappealforasylum.
Themarksoftortureonhimweresevere,buthehadtotakeachancewithafalsepassportbecausenolegalauthoritywouldgivehimagenuineone,exceptthelegalauthoritythatwantedhimbackinchains.
ANigerian,anOgoniactivistwho’dcampaignedagainstgovernmentcollusionwithoilpowerstoexploitOgoniresources,hadbecomeatarget.He’dsurvivedanassassinationattempt,andhadarrivedinBombay,inthecargoholdofafreighter,withoutpapers,butwithmoneyfromsupportersinhiscommunity.
Hebribedthecopsattheport,whofollowedprocedureandsenthimtous.Heneededanewidentity,withapassportthatchangedhisnationalityandkepthimsafe.
ATibetannationalisthadescapedfromaChineseworkcamp,andhadwalkedacrosssnow-coveredpeaksintoIndia.He’dmadehiswaytoBombay,whereTibetanexilesprovidedthemoneyandthecontacttotheSanjayCompanyfornewdocuments.
Andtherewereothers:anAfghan,anIraqi,aKurdishactivist,aSomali,andtwomenfromSriLanka,allofthemtryingtoavoid,escape,orsurvivethebloodydehiscenceofwarstheydidn’tstart,andcouldn’tfight.
Butwarsaregoodforbadbusiness,andwedidn’tjustworkforgoodguys.TheSanjayCompanywasanequalopportunityexploiter.Therewerecrookedbusinessmenwantingtohidetheirprofits,andthugswhoneededanewreputationtoruin,andrunawaygenerals,andpeoplewhofakedtheirowndeaths,andtheyalwaysboughttheirwaytothefrontoftheline.
Andtooneside,therewasanotherpassport.ItwasaCanadianbook,bearingmyphotograph,andwithanewvisastampforSriLanka.IthadaReutersNewsAgencypresscardattached.
WhileIwaspreparingdocumentsthatenabledotherstoescapefromwarsandviciousregimes,Iwasmakingthedocumentthatwouldcarrymeintoaconflictthathadcosttensofthousandsoflives.
‘Doyouactuallyreadallthis?’mynewassistantasked,pickingupthepagesofbiographicalnotesthathadbeenpreparedforusbytheOgoniactivist.
‘Yeah.’
‘Allofit?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Really?Imean…it’sprettygruesomestuff,man.’
‘Thatitis,Farzad,’Isaid,notlookingup.
‘Imean,stufflikethis,it’sworsethanthenewspapers.’
‘It’sallinthenewspapers,ifyoulookpastthestockmarketreportsandthesportspages,’Isaid,stillnotlookingathim.
‘I’mnotsurprised.Thisissomedamndepressingshit,yaar.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Imean,aguycouldgethimselfwellandtrulyintoastateofdepressionwithstufflikethis,dayafterday,andreallyneedabreak.Countonit.’
‘Okay,’Isaid,pushingawaythefileI’dbeenreading.‘What’stheproblem?’
‘Problem?’
‘Ifthere’sanoceanattheendofthisstreamofconsciousness,youshouldstartflowingintoit.Rightaboutnow.’
‘Theocean?’heasked,mystified.
‘Thepoint,Farzad.Gettothepoint.’
‘Oh,’hesmiled.‘Thepoint.Yes.There’sdefinitelysomethingquitelikeakindofapoint,that’sforsure.Countonit.’
Hestaredatmeforafewmoments,thenloweredhiseyesandbeganmakingcirclesonthesurfaceofthewoodendeskwithhisfingertip.
‘Actually,’hesaidatlast,stillavoidingmyeyes,‘Iwastryingtofindawaytoaskyouto…tocometomyhousefor…forlunchordinner,andtomeet…tomeetmyparents.’
‘That’sit?’
‘Yes.’
‘Whydidn’tyoujustaskme?’
‘Well,’hesaid,thelittlecirclesbecomingsmallerandsmaller,‘you’vegotareputation,youknow?’
‘Whatkindofareputation?’
‘Areputationforbeingkindofagrouchyguy,yaar.’
‘Grouchy?’Isnarled.‘Me?’
‘Oh,yes.’
Westaredatoneanother.Inthefactorybelow,oneofthelargeprintingmachinesgrumbledtolife,droppingquicklyintoachatterofmetalclampsandrollers,advancingandretreating,rumblingandturningonabarreldrum.
‘Hasanyoneevertoldyouthatyou’recompletelycrapatthisinviting-people-to-dinnerthing?’
‘Well,’helaughed,‘thisisreallythefirsttimeI’veeveraskedanyonetomyparents’houseinyears.We’rekindof…private,ifyouknowwhatImean.’
‘Iknowprivate,’Isighed.‘PrivateiswhatIhad,beforeyou.’
‘So…willyoucome?Myparentsarereallydyingtomeetyou.MyUncleKekiusedtotalkaboutyoualot.Hesaidyouwere–’
‘Grouchy.Iknow.’
‘Well,yes,that,too.Buthealsosaidyouwerebigonphilosophy.HesaidyouwereKhaderbhai’sfavouriteforarguingandtalkingphilosophy.Mypopisagreatoneforthat.MyMom’sevenworse.Thewholefamilyhavethesebigphilosophicaldiscussions.Sometimesthere’sthirtyofus,arguingatthesametime.’
‘Thirtyofyou?’
‘Wehavethis…kindof…extendedfamily.Ican’treallydescribeit.Youhavetoseeit.Imean,seeus.Butyouwon’tbebored,thatIcanpromiseyou.Noway.Countonit.’
‘IfIagreetovisityourindescribablefamily,willyouleavemealoneandletmegetbacktowork?’
‘Isthatayes?’
‘Yes,oneofthesedays.’
‘Really?You’llcome?’
‘Countonit.Nowgetouttahere,andletmegetthesebooksdone.’
‘Great!’heshouted,dancingafewstepsleftandrightwithhiships.‘I’lltalktomypop,andsetitupforonedaythisweek.Lunchordinner!Great!’
Hegavemealastsmileandawagofhishead,andthenclosedthedoorbehindhim.
Ipulledthefilebacktowardme,theNigerian’sfile,andbegantodrawoutthebasicelementsoftheman’snewdocumentedidentity.Amuchkinderbutcompletelyartificiallifebegantodeveloponmysketchpad.
AtonepointIopenedadrawerfullofphotographsofclientswhowantedpassports:thesurvivors,theluckyoneswhoweren’tshot,drowned,orimprisonedintheattempttofindabetterlife.
Thosefacesfromwarandtorture,brushedandcleanedandsmearedwithartificialcalmforourpassportphotostudio,heldmyeyes.OncewewanderedafreeEarth,carryingapictureofourGodorkingtoensuresafepassage.Nowtheworldisgated,andwecarrypicturesofourselves,andnobody’ssafe.
Andthebottomline,fortheSanjayCompany,wasalwaysblack:blackmoney.Everyblackmarketintheworldisthechildoftyranny,warorunpopularlaws.Weturnedoverthirtytofortypassportspermonth,andthebestofthemsoldfortwenty-fivethousandUSdollarsapiece.
Treatwarlikebusiness,Sanjayoncesaidtome,villainybrightasanewlymintedcoininhiseyes,andbusinesslikewar
Whenthebackgroundworkonpassportsforcurrentclientswasdone,Icollectedthefilesandphotographstotakethemdowntothefactoryfloor.Itookmyownpassport,thenewoneI’dpreparedforthetriptoSriLanka,andshoveditintothecentredrawofthedesk.IknewthatsoonerorlaterI’dhavetohanditovertomybestcounterfeiters,KrishnaandVillu,whowere,asFatewouldhaveit,SriLankanrefugees.ButIwasn’treadytofacethatjourneyyet.
IfoundKrishnaandVillusleepingontwocouchesI’dinstalledfortheminaquietcorner,awayfromtheprintingmachines.ThechallengesofnewpassportworkalwaysexcitedtheSriLankanforgers,andquiteoftenthey’dworkthroughthenightwithoutsleep,tocompleteanassignment.
Iwatchedthemforawhile,listeningtotheirsnoringdriftinandoutofchorus,swellingsometimestoagrindingroar,inalmostperfectunisonandthenseparatingoncemoreintoraspandgasp.Theirfreearmshunglooselyattheirsides,handsopen,receivingtheblessingofsleep.
Thetwootherworkerswhohelpedmewererunningerrands,andatthatmomentthefactorywassilent.Istoodforafewmomentsinthatsnoring,peacefulplace,envyingthesleepers.
They’dcometoBombayasrefugees.WhenI’dmetthem,theywerelivingaspavement-dwellersunderasheetofplasticwiththeirfamilies.AlthoughtheirworkfortheSanjayCompanypaidwell,allowingthemtomovetocomfortable,cleanapartmentsnotfarfromthefactory,andtheyhadflawlessidentitycards,forgedbytheirownhands,theystilllivedinfearofdeportation.
Thelovedonesthey’dleftbehindwerelosttothem,perhapsnevertobeseenorheardfromagain.Yetdespiteeverythingthey’denduredandcontinuedtosuffer,theysleptlikechildreninaplacid,insensiblepeace.
Ineversleptaswellastheydid.Idreamttoooftenandtoohard.Ialwayswokeinathrashingstruggletobefree.Lisahadlearnedthatthesafestwayforhertosleepinthesamebedwastoholdmeclose,andsleepinsidewhatevercirclemydreamingmindwastryingtobreak.
IleftthepileofdocumentsonKrishna’sdesk,andclimbedthewoodenstairsquietly.Theyhadtheirownkeys,soIlockedthedoorbehindme.
I’darrangedtomeetLisa,tovisittheslumclinicwithherandhavelunchafterwards.She’ddevelopedarelationshipwithourlocalpharmacist,who’dprovidedafewboxesofmedicines.Themedicineswerepackedintothesaddlebagsofmymotorcycle,andshe’daskedmetodeliverthemwithher.
Icruisedthegradualcreepofnoontraffic,becausesometimesit’senoughofeverythingtobemovingslowlyonamotorcycle,onasunnyday.
Intherear-viewmirrorofmybikeIsawacoponamotorcyclequitesimilartomyown.Hewasdrawingalongsideme.
Thepeakedcapandarevolverinaleatherholsterathissidesaidthathewasaseniorofficer.Heraisedhislefthand,andpointedtothekerbwithtwooutstretchedfingers.
Ipulledmybikeintothekerb,behindhis.Hepushedouttheside-standonhisbike,thenswungalegovertheseatandturnedtofaceme.Withhisrighthandrestingontheholster,heslidtwofingersofhislefthandacrosshisthroat.Ikilledtheengine,andremainedonthebike.
Iwascalm.Copspulledmeoverfromtimetotime,wantingtotalkorcollectabribe.Ialwayskeptarolled-upfifty-rupeenoteinmyshirtpocketforjustthatpurpose.AndIdidn’tmind.Gangstersunderstandpolicegraft:copsdon’tgetpaidenoughtorisktheirlives,sotheytaxthecommunitytheshortfall.
Butsomethingintheofficer’seyes,aglimmerreflectedoffaflawmorejaggedthancorruption,mademeuneasy.Heslippedthecatchofftheholsterandslidhishandunderthestiffcover,ontothebuttoftherevolver.
Istoodfromthebike.Myhandbegantomoveslowlytowardtheknivesinthescabbardsundertheflapofmyshirt.Copsdidn’tjusttakebribesinBombayinthoseyears:theyshotgangsters,fromtimetotime.
Acalm,deepvoicespokefromveryclosebehindme.
‘Iwouldn’tbedoingthat,ifIwereyou.’
Iturnedtoseethreemenstandingwithme.Afourthmanwasatthewheelofacar,parkedclosebehindthem.
‘Youknow,’Isaid,myhandontheknife,underneathmyshirt,‘ifyouwereme,youprobablywould.’
Themanwho’dspokenlookedawayfrommetonodhisheadatthepoliceman.Theofficersaluted,climbedbackontohisbike,androdeaway.
‘Nicetrick,’Isaid,turningback.‘Imustrememberit,ifIeverlosemyballs.’
‘Youcanloseyourmotherfuckingballsrighthereandnow,gora,’athinmanwithapencilmoustachesaid,showingthebladeofaknifehehidinhissleeve.
Ilookedintohiseyes.Ireadaveryshortstory,toldbyfearandhatred.Ididn’twanttoreaditagain.Theleaderraisedanexasperatedhand.Hewasaheavy-setmaninhislatethirties,andaquiettalker.
‘Ifyoudon’tgetinthecar,’hesaidquietly,‘I’llshootyouintheknee.’
‘WherewillyoushootmeifIdogetinthecar?’
‘Thatdepends,’hereplied,regardingmeevenly.
Hewasmagazinedressed:hand-tailoredsilkshirt,loose-fittinggreysergetrousers,aDunhillbelt,andGucciloafers.TherewasagoldringonhismiddlefingerthatwasacopyoftheRolexonhiswrist.
Theothermenlookedaroundattheflowoftrafficandpedestriansintheguttersoftheroad.Ithadbeenafairlylongsilence.Idecidedtobreakit.
‘Dependsonwhat?’
‘Onwhetheryoudoasyou’retoldornot.’
‘Idon’tlikebeingtoldwhattodo.’
‘Nobodydoes,’herepliedcalmly.‘That’swhythere’ssomuchpowerattachedtoit.’
‘That’sprettygood,’Isaid.‘Youshouldwriteabook.’
Myheartwasracing.Iwasscared.Mystomachdroppedlikeabodythrowninariver.Theyweretheenemy,andIwasintheirhands.Iwasprobablydead,whicheverwayyoulookedatit.
‘Getinthecar,’hesaid,allowinghimselfalittlesmile.
‘Gettothepoint.’
‘Getinthecar.’
‘Ifweplayitouthere,yougowithme.IfIgetinthecar,Igooutalone.Arithmeticsaysweshoulddoithere.’
‘Fuckit!’thepencilmoustachesnapped.‘Let’skillthischudh,andgetitoverwith.’
Theheavy-setleaderthoughtaboutit.Ittookawhile.Myhandwasstillonmyknife.
‘You’realogicalman,’hesaid.‘TheysayyouarguedphilosophywithKhaderbhai.’
‘NobodyarguedwithKhaderbhai.’
‘Evenso,youcanseethatyourpositionisirrational.Ilosenothingbykillingyou.YougaineverythingbystayingalivelongenoughtofindoutwhatIwant.’
‘Exceptforthepartaboutyoubeingdead.I’dlosethat.Andsofar,that’sthebestpart.’
‘Exceptforthat,’hesaid,smiling.‘Butyou’veseenhowmuchtroubleIwentto,justtotalktoyou.IfIwantedyoudead,I’dhaverunoveryourmotorcyclewithoneofmytrucks.’
‘Leavemymotorcycleoutofthis.’
‘Yourbikewillbesafe,yaar,’helaughed,noddingatthethinmanwiththemoustache.‘Dandawillrideitforyou.Getinthecar.’
Hewasright.Therewasnootherlogicalchoice.Iletmyhandfallfrommyknife.Theleadernodded.Dandasteppedforwardatonce,startedthebike,andkickedbackthestand.Hegunnedtheengine,impatienttoleave.
‘Youhurtthatbike–’Ishoutedathim,butbeforeIcouldfinishthethreathetappedthebikeintofirstgear,androaredoffintothestreamoftraffic,themotorscreaminginprotest.
‘Dandahasnosenseofhumour,I’mafraid,’theleadersaidaswewatchedDandaswayandskidthroughthetraffic.
‘Good,becauseifhehurtsmybike,hewon’tfinditfunny.’
Theleaderlaughed,andlookedmehardintheeyes.
‘HowcouldyouexchangephilosophieswithamanlikeKhaderbhai?’
‘Whatdoyoumean?’
‘ImeanthatKhaderbhaiwasinsane.’
‘Saneornot,hewasneverboring.’
‘Whatdoesn’tboreus,inthelongrun?’heasked,gettingintothecar.
‘Asenseofhumour?’Isuggested,gettinginbesidehim.
Theyhadme,anditwasjustlikeprison,becausetherewasnothingIcoulddoaboutit.Helaughedagain,andnoddedtothedriver,whoseeyesfilledthesoftrectangleoftherear-viewmirror.
‘Takeustothetruth,’hesaidtothedriverinHindi,watchingmeclosely.‘It’salwayssorefreshing,atthistimeofday.’ChapterTen
Thedriverbulliedhiswaythroughtight,middaytraffic,reachingawarehouseinanindustrialareainminutes.Thewarehousewasfreestanding,withascreamingspacebetweenitandthenearestbuildings.Dandawasalreadythere.Mybikewasparkedonthegraveldrivewayinfront.
Thedriverparkedthecar.Arollerdooropenedtoalittleoverhalfway.Wegotout,stoopedunderthedoor,andachainclatterednoisilyasitrolledshutagain.
Thereweretwobigworries.Thefirstwasthattheyhadn’tblindfoldedme:they’dallowedmetoseethelocationofthewarehouse,andthefacesoftheeightmeninside.Thesecondworrywasthesupplyofpowertools,torchesandheavyhammersarrangedonbenchesalongonewallofthewarehouse.
Ittookaneffortnottostare.Instead,Ifocusedonthelonglowchairstandingaloneintheopenspacenearthebackwallofthesmallwarehouse.Itwasapieceofpoolfurniture:abananalounge,upholsteredinstrandsofacid-greenandlemonvinyl.Therewasawidestainunderthechair.
Danda,theskinnymoustachewithshort-storyeyes,gavemeathoroughpat-down.Hetookmytwoknivesandpassedthemontotheleader,whoexaminedthemforamoment,beforeputtingthemdowncarefullyonthelongbench.
‘Sitdown,’hesaid,turningtofaceme.
WhenIrefusedtomove,hefoldedhisarmspatientlyandnoddedtoatall,powerfullybuiltmanwho’dbeenwithusinthecar.Themancameforme.
Hitfirst,andhithard,anoldconusedtotellme.
Asthebigmansteppedinquickly,swingingoutwithanopen-handedslaptotherightsideofmyhead,Irolledwiththeblow,andhithimwithashort,sharpuppercut.Itgood-luckconnectedwiththepointofhischin.
Thebigmanstumbledbackastep.Twoofthemendrewguns.Theywereold-fashionedrevolvers,militaryissuefromaforgottenwar.
Theleadersighedagain,andnoddedhishead.
Fourmenrushedforward,pushingmeontothegreenandyellowloungechair.Theytiedmyhandstotherearlegsofthechairwithcoconut-fibreropes.Slippinganotherlengthofropeunderthefront,theytieddownmylegs.
Theleaderfinallyunfoldedhisarmsandapproachedme.
‘DoyouknowwhoIam?’
‘Acritic?’Isuggested,tryingnottoshowthescaredthatIwasfeeling.
Hefrowned,lookingmeupanddown.
‘It’sokay,’Isaid.‘Iknowwhoyouare.IknowaScorpionwhenIseeone.’
Theleadernodded.
‘TheycallmeVishnu,’hesaid.
Vishnu,themanSanjaysparedafterthewarthatcostsomany,themanwhocamebackwithagangcalledtheScorpions.
‘Whydosomanygangstersnamethemselvesaftergods?’
‘How’boutInameyoudead,youbahinchudh!’Dandaspluttered.
‘Cometothinkofit,’Isaidthoughtfully,‘Danda’snotagod.CorrectmeifI’mwrong,butDanda’sjustademigod.Isn’tthatright?Aminordeity?’
‘Shutup!’
‘Staycool,Danda,’Vishnusoothed.‘He’sjusttryingtokeepthesubjectoffthesubject.Don’tlethimbaityou.’
‘Ademigod,’Imused.‘Everaskedyourselfhowoftenyougettheshortstickaroundhere,Danda?’
‘Shutup!’
‘Youknowwhat?’Vishnusaid,stiflingayawn.‘Fuckhim.Goahead,Danda.Fuckhishappiness,ifyouwant.’
Dandarushedatme,swingingpunches.AsImovedmyheadquickly,leftandright,heonlyconnectedwithoneineverythree.Suddenlyhestopped.WhenIheldmyheadstilllongenoughtoglanceup,Isawthebigman,themanI’dhitonthepointofthechin,pullingDandaawaybytheshoulder.
Thebigmanpunchedatmyface.Hewaswearingabrassringonhismiddlefinger.Ifeltitcrunchalongthecurvesofmycheekandjaw.Thebigmanknewwhathewasdoing.Hedidn’tbreakanything,hejustmadeitunwell.Thenhechangedtactic,andsmackedmehardonthesidesoftheheadwithopen-handedslaps.
Ifyoubeatamanwithyourfistsforlongenough,yourknuckleswillshatter,orthemanwilldie,orboth.Butifyoubreakhimupalittlewithyourfists,tomakesurethatagood,hardslapisfilledwithpain,youcangoonbeatinghimalldaylongwithanopenhand.
Torture.It’sheavyandflatinthatspace.There’sadensitytoit,acentripetalpullsostrongthatthere’salmostnothingyoucantakefromit;solittleyoucanlearnthatisn’tdarkallthewaythrough.
ButonethingIcametoknowisthatwhenthebeatingstarts,youshutyourmouth.Youdon’tspeak.Youkeepyourmouthshut,untilitends.Andyoudon’tscream,ifyoucanhelpit.
‘Okay,’Vishnusaid,whenthemonthoftwominutesended.
Thebigmansteppedback,acceptedatowelfromDandaandwipedhissweat-soakedface.Dandareacheduptorubthebigman’sshoulders.
‘TellmeaboutPakistan,’Vishnudemanded,holdingacigarettetomylips.
Idrewinthesmokewithdribblesofblood,andthenpuffeditout.Ihadnoideawhathewastalkingabout.
‘TellmeaboutPakistan.’
Istaredbackathim.
‘WeknowyouwenttoGoa,’Vishnusaidslowly.‘Weknowyoupickedupsomeguns.So,Iwillaskyouagain.TellmeaboutPakistan.’
Guns,Goa,Sanjay:itwasallcominghomewithoneturnofthekarmicwheel.Butthere’savoiceinsidemyfear,andsoonerorlateritsays,Let’sgetitoverwith
‘AlotofpeoplethinkthecapitalofPakistanisKarachi,’Isaid,throughswollenlips.‘Butit’snot.’
Vishnulaughed,andthenstoppedlaughing.
‘TellmeaboutPakistan.’
‘Greatfood,nicemusic,’Isaid.
Vishnuglancedatthetipofhiscigarette,andthenraisedhiseyestothebigman.
Anditstartedagain.AndIlimpedthroughthickmudaseachnewslaponthesideofmyheadsmackedmeclosertothefog.
Whenthebigmanpaused,restinghishandsonhisthighs,Dandaseizedthemomenttoflogme,withathinbamboorod.Itleftmesoakingwetwithsufferedsweat,butwokemeup.
‘Howareyourballsnow,madachudh?’Dandascreamedatme,kneelingsoclosethatIcouldsmellmustardoilandbad-fearsweatinthearmpitsofhisshirt.
Istartedlaughing,asyoudosometimes,whenyou’rebeingtortured.
Vishnuwavedhishand.
Thesuddensilencethatfollowedthegesturewassocompletethatitseemedthewholeworldhadstoppedforamoment.
Vishnusaidsomething.Icouldn’thearhim.Irealised,slowly,thatthesilencewasaringinginmyearsthatonlyIcouldhear.Hewasstaringatme,withaquizzicalexpression,asifhe’djustnoticedastraydog,andwaswonderingwhethertoplaywithitorkickitwithhisGucciloafers.
Anothermanwipedthebloodfrommyfacewitharagsmellingofpetrolandrottingmould.Ispatoutbloodandbile.
‘Howdoyoufeel?’Vishnuaskedme,absently.
Iknewthesurvivor’srules.Don’tspeak.Don’tsayaword.ButIcouldn’tstopangerwritingwords,andcouldn’tstopsayingthemoncetheywereinmyhead.
‘Islamabad.ThecapitalofPakistan,’Isaid.‘It’snotKarachi.’
Hewalkedtowardme,drawingasmallsemi-automaticpistolfromhisjacketpocket.Thestarsapphireinhiseyesshowedatinyimageofmyskull,alreadycrushed.
Theentrydoorofthewarehouseopened.Achaiwallah,aboyofperhapstwelve,steppedthroughfromthebrightlightofthestreet,bringingsixglassesofteainonewirebasket,andsixglassesofwaterinanother.
‘Ah,chai,’Vishnusaid,asuddenwidesmilesmoothingoutwrinklesofrage.
Heputthepistolaway,andreturnedtohisplacenearthelongbench.
Thechaiboyhandedoutglasses.Hisancientstreet-kideyesdriftedoverme,butshowednoreaction.Maybehe’dseenitbefore:amantiedtoanacid-greenandlemon-yellowbananalounge,andcoveredinblood.
Thegangsterwho’dsmearedsomeofthebloodfrommyfaceuntiedmylegsandhands.Hetookaglassofchaifromtheboy,andhandedittome.Istruggledtoholditinbothnumbedhands.
Othergangsterstooktheirglassesofchai,courteouslyworkingtheirwaythroughtheritualofrefusing,sothatotherscoulddrink,andthenacceptingthecompromiseofhalf-shares,spilledintoemptiedwaterglasses.
Itwasapoliteandconvivialscene.Wemight’vebeenfriends,sittingtogetheratNarimanPoint,andadmiringthesunset.
Theboyhuntedaroundthespacefortheemptyglassesofthelastround,fillinghiswirebasketsashewent.Henoticedthatoneoftheglasseswasmissing.
‘Glass!’hegrowled,inaferalpercolationofwhateveritwasthataccumulatedinhisthroat.
Hehelduponeofthebaskets,showingtheoffendingemptyspacewherethelastglassshould’verested.
‘Glass!’
Gangstersimmediatelyscrambledtofindthemissingglass,turningoveremptycartonsandshovingasideheapsofragsandrubbish.Dandafoundit.
‘Hain!Hain!’hesaid,revealingtheglasswithaflourish.It’shere!It’shere!
Hehandedittotheboy,whosnatcheditsuspiciouslyandleftthewarehouse.DandalookedatVishnuquickly,hiseyesbrightwithgrovelling:Didyouseethat,boss?Didyouseeitwasmewhofoundtheglass?
WhenIwassurethatIcouldmovewithouttrembling,Iputmyglassofchaionthegroundbesideme.Itwasn’tallprideandanger:mylipsweresplitandswollen.IknewI’dbedrinkingbloodaswellaschai.
‘Canyoustand?’Vishnuasked,settinghisemptyglassaside.
Istood.Istartedtofall.
Thebigmanwho’dslappedmearoundrushedtocatchme,hisstrongarmsencirclingmyshoulderswithsolicitouscare.Withhelp,Istoodagain.
‘Youcango,’Vishnusaid.
HeshiftedhiseyestowardDanda.
‘Givehimthekeystohisbike,yaar.’
Dandafishedthekeysfromhispocketonimpulse,butapproachedVishnu,ratherthanme.
‘Please,’hebegged.‘Heknowssomething.Iknowit.Just…justgivemealittlemoretime.’
‘It’sokay,’Vishnureplied,smilingindulgently.‘IalreadyknowwhatIneedtoknow.’
HetookthekeysfromDandaandthrewthemtome.Icaughtthemagainstmychestwithbothnumbedhands.Imethisgaze.
‘Besides,’Vishnusaid,lookingatme,‘youdon’tevenknowaboutPakistan,doyou?Youdon’thaveanydamnideawhatwe’retalkingabout,isn’tit?’
Ididn’tanswer.
‘That’sit,myfriend.Ja!’Go!
Iheldhiseyesforamoment,andthenheldoutmyhand,palmupwards.
‘Myknives,’Isaid.
Vishnusmiled,foldinghisarmsagain.
‘Let’scallthatafine,shallwe?YourkniveswillgotoHanuman,asafineforthatshotyoutookathim.Takemyadvice.Gonow,andkeepthisplaceasecret.Don’ttellSanjayoranyoneelseaboutit.’
‘Asecret?’
‘Iletyouknowaboutthisplace,becauseyoucanuseittocontactus.Ifyouleaveamessagehere,itwillgetbacktome,veryquickly.’
‘WhywouldIwannadothat?’
‘UnlessIhavemisjudgedyou,andI’mreallyquitegoodatjudgingcharacters,youmaydecide,oneday,thatyouhavemoreincommonwithusthanyouthinknow.Andyoumaywanttotalktous.Ifyou’resmart,youwon’ttellanyoneaboutthisaddress.You’llsaveit,forarainyday.Butfornow,fortoday,astheAmericanssay,fuckoff!’
IwalkedwithDandatothesidedoor,steppingthroughasheopeneditforme.Heclearedhisthroatnoisily,andspatonthelegofmytrousersbeforeslammingthedoorshut.
Ontheground,besidemybike,Ifoundascrapofpaper,andusedittowipethemessofspitfrommyjeans.Iputthekeyintotheignitionofthebike.Iwasabouttokick-starttheengine,whenIcaughtsightofmybatteredfaceintherear-viewmirror.Mynosewasn’tbroken,foronce,butbotheyeswerepulpyandswollen.
Ikickedthebikealive,butleftherinneutralgear,restingontheside-standwiththeengineturningoverslowly.Itwitchedacontrolleveronapanelbeneathonelongedgeoftheseat.Thepaneldroppeddown,showingmyItalianstilettoknife.
Ihammeredonthedoorofthewarehousewiththebuttoftheknife.Iheardanangryvoiceinsideassomeoneapproachedthedoor,cursingwhoeverwasdisturbingthepeace.ItwasDanda.Iwasglad.
Thedooropened.Dandawasswearingangrily.Igrabbedatthefrontofhisshirt,slammedhimagainstthedoorjamb,andjabbedthestilettoagainsthisstomach.Hetriedtobreakfree,butIpushedthepointdeeperintohisstomachuntiltheknifespitredontohispinkshirt.
‘Okay!Okay!Okay!’heshouted.‘Fuck!Arey,pagalhaitum?’Haveyougonemad?
Severalmenbegantoapproachme.Ipressedtheknifealittleharder.
‘No!No!’Dandashouted.‘Getthehellback,youguys!He’scuttingmehere!’
Themenstopped.WithouttakingmyeyesoffDanda’sface,IspoketoVishnu.
‘Myknives,’Imumbled,mylipsasnumbastheheelofabricklayer’shand.‘Bringthemhere.Givethemtome.’
Vishnuhesitated.IsawtheterrorinDanda’ssweat.Hewasmoreafraidofhisemployer’sdisregardthanhewasofmyanger.
Atlast,Vishnuslouchedtowarduswiththetwoknives.Whenhehandedthemtome,Ishovedthemintothebeltatthebackofmytrousers,holdingthestilettoatDanda’sbelly.
VishnubegantotugonDanda’sshirt,wantingtopullhimawayfromme,andbackintothewarehouse.Iresisted,pressingtheknifejustalittleharderagainstDanda’ssoftstomach.Ahalf-centimetreofthebladewasinsidehisbody.Onecentimetremorewouldpenetrateanorgan.
‘Wait!Wait!’Dandashriekedinpanic.‘I’mbleeding!He’sgonnakillme!’
‘Whatdoyouwant?’Vishnuasked.
‘TellmeaboutPakistan,’Isaid.
Vishnulaughed.Itwasagoodlaugh,clearandclean.Itwasthekindoflaughthatwould’veendearedhimtomeonanotherday,whenhehadn’tintroducedmetohispoolfurniture.
‘Ilikeyou,andIfeellikekillingyou,atthesametime,’hesaid,hisdark-rimmedeyesgleaming.‘That’sapeculiartalentyou’vegot.’
‘TellmeaboutPakistan,’Isaid.
‘Youreallydon’tknowanything,doyou?’Vishnusighed,ashissmiledied.‘WesawthatyouwenttoaCouncilmeeting,andwithyourGoatripandall,weassumed,like,thatyoumustbeknowingwhat’sgoingon.Yourguysarereallykeepingyouinthedark,myfriend.That’sdangerous,foryou.Nottomentionalittle…insulting,na?’
‘Yourmanherewillbeinthedarkanysecondnow,ifyoudon’tanswermyquestion.Iwannaknowwhatthiswasallabout.TellmeaboutPakistan.’
‘IfItellyouwhatIknow,you’lltellSanjay,’hereplied,stiflingayawn.
Therewasafinebutdeepscaroverhisrighteye.Herubbedafingertipalongthecicatriceashespoke.
‘ThatwouldgiveSanjayanadvantage.Ican’tallowthat.LetDandago.Getonyourmotorcycleandgo.IfyoukillDanda,I’llhavetokillyou.He’smycousin.AndIdon’twanttokillyou.Idon’twanttokillanyone.Nottoday.It’smywife’sbirthday,youknow,andthere’saparty.’
Heshiftedhisgazetostareatthesoddencloudsoverhead.
‘Gofast,’hesaid,lookingbackatme.‘Wethoughtyouknewsomething,butit’sobviousthatyoudon’t.Whenyouknowmore,andyouwanttotalk,youknowwheretocontactme.Nohardfeelings.Thesethingshappen.AstheAmericanssay,Iamowingoneonyou.’
‘NotasmuchasI’mowingoneonyou,’Isaid,steppingawayfromDanda,andbackingtowardthebike.
Helaughedagain.
‘Let’scallthiseven,andstartfreshandclean.Leavemeamessagehere,whenyouwanttogetintouch.Onewayoranother,I’llcometoknow.’ChapterEleven
Everymantakesabeatinginhisownway.Myway,inthoseyears,wastolearneverythingIcouldaboutthemenwhobeatme,andthenwaitforFatetomeetmehalfway.
WhenIescapedfromprison,Ipunchedaholeintheceilingofanoffice,climbedthroughtotheroof,andescapedoverthefrontwallinbroaddaylight,withmyfriend.TheceilingweescapedthroughwasintheofficeoftheChiefSecurityOfficer,themanresponsibleforhavingmyfriend,andme,anddozensofothermenbeaten,beyondreasonorlaw.
I’dwatchedhimformonths.I’dstudiedhishabitsandmoods.AndIknewtheseven-minutewindow,everyday,whenhe’dbeoutofhisoffice,leavingthedoorunlocked.Westoodonhisdesktopunchtheholetofreedom.Helosthisjob,whenweescaped,andFatetookaholiday.
Idon’tlikebeingslappedaround.Iwantedtoknowaboutthemenwho’ddoneit.Iwantedtoknoweverythingaboutthem.
AtthesecondgapintheroaddividerIturnedthebikearound,androdebackthewayI’dcome.Iparkedintheshadeofsometreesbesidealittlerowofshops,ontheoppositesideofthestreetfromthewarehouse.
Iturnedofftheengine.Passers-byandshopkeepersstaredatmybloodyface,buthurriedawayoravertedtheireyeswhenIstaredbackatthem.Afteratime,amansellingcleaningclothsforcarsandmotorcyclesapproachedme.Iboughtoneofthelongestcloths,butbeforegivingthecloth-sellerhismoney,Iaskedhimtorunsomeerrandsforme.
Infiveminuteshereturnedwithapacketofcodeinetablets,someadhesivebandages,abottleofvodka,andtwocleantowels.
Ipaidthecloth-seller,foundanopendrain,andwashedmyfacewithaclothsoakedinvodka,cleaningofftherunningwoundswithdabsfromthecleantowel.
Abarberservingclientsbeneathaconversation-treeofferedmehismirror.Ifixedittoaribbononthetree,anddressedthetwoworstcutsonmyface.FinallyItookthecloth-seller’sblackrag,andwounditaroundmyforeheadinanAfghanturban.
Theclientsandfriendssquattingaroundthebarber’schairintheshadenoddedandwaggedvaryingdegreesofdisapprovalorconsolation.
Itookanemptyglass,pouredmyselfashotofvodkaanddrankit.Holdingbottleandglassinonehand,Irippedopenapacketofcodeinetabletswithmyteeth,shookfourintotheglass,andhalf-filleditwithvodka.Thelevelofapprovalroseamongtheshavingclub.WhenIdranktheglassdownandofferedthementherestofthebottle,alittlecheerwentup.
Iwentbacktositonmybike,outofview,andstaredthroughdesert-dryleavesofsun-witheredtreesatthewarehouse,wheremybloodwasstillwetonthefloor.
Theycameoutinalaughing,jokinggroup,shovingandteasingthethinmanwiththemoustache,Danda.TheysqueezedintotwoAmbassadorcars,anddroveoutintotheflowoftrafficheadingtowardTardeo.
Givingthemhalfaminute,Ifollowedthecars,carefultostayoutofmirrorrange.
TheypassedthroughTardeo,keptonthroughOperaHousejunctionandintothemainroad.Itwasalong,leafyboulevard,runningparalleltooneofthecity’smaintrainlines.
Thecarsstoppedatthegateofamansioncomplex,notfarfromthemainstationatChurchgate.Thehigh,metalgatesopenedquickly,thecarsdroveinside,andthegatesswungshutagain.
Irodepast,glancingupatthetallwindowsofthetriple-frontedmansion.Woodenstormshutterscoveredallthewindows.Dusty,blood-redgeraniumsspilledovertherailofthefirst-floorbalcony.Theydrippedallthewaytotherustedironspearsontopofasecuritywall,concealingthegroundfloor.
Islammedthebikeintotheheavytraffic,movingtowardChurchgatestationandbeyond,pastthethirsting,ochreplayingfieldsofAzadMaidan.
Itookmyrageandfearoutontheroad,cuttingbetweencars,fightingbackagainstthecitybychallengingandbeatingeveryotherbikethatIpassed.
IpulledupnearKCCollege,closetoSanjay’smansion.TheschoolwasoneofBombay’sfinest.Well-dressed,fashion-consciousstudentscrowdedthestreet,theiryoungmindsglitteringinthecompassoftheirsmiles.Theywerethehopeofthecity:thehopeoftheworld,infact,althoughnotmanyknewit,atthetime.
‘Iswear,’avoicefrombehindmesaid.‘FastestwhitemaninBombay.I’vebeentryingtocatchyouforthelastfive–’
ItwasFaridtheFixer,theyounggangsterwhoblamedhimselffornotbeingwithKhaderbhaiattheend,inthekillingsnowsofAfghanistan.HebrokeoffsuddenlyasIremovedthesoftblackclothI’dusedasaturban.
‘Oh,shit,man!Whathappenedtoyou?’
‘DoyouknowifSanjay’sathome?’
‘Heis.Sure.Comeon,let’sgetinside.’
WhenImademyreporttoSanjay,sittingattheglassandgilttableinhisdiningroom,hisexpressionwascalmandalmostdismissive.HeaskedmetorepeatthenamesI’dheardthemuse,andthefacesI’dseen.
‘I’vebeenexpectingthis,’hesaid.
‘Expectingit?’Isaid.
‘Whydidn’tyoutellLin?’Fariddemanded.‘Orme,soIcouldridewithhim.’
Sanjayignoredusandbegantopacethelongroom.
Hishandsomefacehadbeguntoagebeyondhisyears.Theridge-and-valleydepressionsbelowhiseyeshaddeepenedtodark,hard-edgedtroughs.Worrylinesflaredoutfromthecornersofhisbloodshoteyes,fadinginthenewgreythatbeganathistemples,andstreakedthegloss-blackhair.
Hedranktoomuch,andhedidtoomuchofeverythingelseheenjoyed.Hewasayoungmaninchargeofanempire,burningyouthintoage.
‘Whatdoyouthinktheywerereallyafter?’heaskedme,afteralongpause.
‘Whydon’tyoutellme?What’sthedealwithPakistan?Whatelsedidn’tyoutellme,whenyousentmetoGoa?’
‘Itellyouwhatyouneedtoknow!’Sanjaysnapped.
‘ThiswassomethingthatIneededtoknowbeforetoday,’Isaidevenly.‘Youweren’ttiedtothatloungechair,Sanjay.Iwas.’
‘Damnright!’Faridsaid.
Sanjaylethiseyesdrifttohishands,restingontheglasstable.Hisbiggestfear,reasonablyenough,wasabloodygangwarthattookmostofthelivesandpowerfromonegang,andallthelivesandpowerfromanother.Anythingshortofthat,inhiseyes,wasavictory.Itwastheonlythingweagreedon,inallthemissionsandbattlesofthelasttwoyears.
‘Therearethingsinplayherethatyoudon’tknow,andcan’tunderstand,’hesaid.‘I’mrunningthisCompany.Itellyoubothwhatyouneedtoknow,andnothingmore.So,fuckyou,Lin.Andfuckyou,Farid.’
‘Fuckme,Sanjay?’Faridspatathim.‘That’salltherespectIget?HowaboutIfuckyourhappinessrighthereandnow?’
HetookasteptowardSanjaybutIstoppedhim,myhandsonhischest.
‘Takeiteasy,Faridbrother,’Isaid.‘Thisisjustwhattheywanted,whentheyslappedmearoundtoday–us,fallingoutwitheachother.’
‘Fuckme?’Faridsnarled.‘Sayitagain,boss.Sayitagain.’
Sanjaystaredattheyoungfighterforawhile,andthenhiscoldeyesdriftedtomine.
‘Tellmethetruth,Lin.Whatdidyoutellthem?’
Itwasmyturntoanger.Ragedrewinabreath.Mylipswidened,splittingcuts.
‘Whatareyoutryingtosay,boss?’
Hefrowned,irritated.
‘Comeon,Lin,’hesaid.‘Thisistherealworld.Peopletalk.Whatdidyoutellthem?’
Iwasangryenoughtobeathimsenseless;angrierathim,infact,thanthemenwho’dnearlybeatenmesenseless.
‘Ofcoursehedidn’tsayanything!’Faridsaid.‘It’snotthefirsttimehe’sbeenkickedbytheotherside.Me,too.Andyou,too,Sanjay.Stopbeingsodisrespectful.What’sthematterwithyou,boss?’
Sanjayflashedalook,exasperatedtothepointofbeingvicious,revealinghowclosehewastotheedge.Faridheldhisgazeforamoment,butthenlookedaway
Sanjayturnedbacktome.
‘Youcango,Lin,’hesaid.‘Andwhateveryoudidordidn’tsaybefore,keepyourmouthshutaboutthisfromnowon.’
‘Aboutwhat,Sanjay?Abouttheacttheyputontoday?Oneminutethey’regonnakillme,thenextminutethey’relettingmego.Theywantedmetocomebackhere,inthiscondition,andsaythewordPakistantoyou.It’samessage.I’mthemessage.ThisScorpionguy,Vishnu,isbigonmessages.’
‘SoamI,’Sanjaysmiled.‘AndIwritemessagesinblood,liketheydo.Inatimeandmannerofmyownchoosing.’
‘Whateveryoudo,don’tdoitforme.’
‘Areyoutellingmewhattodo?Whothefuckdoyouthinkyouare?’
Therewasadragoninsideme,allfire,butIdidn’twantsomeothersoldiertositinachair,asI’ddone,untiltheceilingturnedred.
‘Don’tsquareupforme,boss.Whenthetimecomes,I’llhandlethatmyself.’
‘You’lldowhatyou’retold,andwhenyou’retold.’
‘I’llsquarethisupmyself,Sanjay,’Irepeated.‘Inatimeandmannerofmyownchoosing.Justsowe’reclearthatItoldyou,inadvance.’
‘Getout,’Sanjaysaid,hiseyesnarrowing.‘Bothofyou.Don’tcomenearme,Lin,unlessIsendforyou.Getout.’
OnthestreetFaridstoppedme,angrierthanIwas.
‘Lin,’hesaidquietly,hiseyeswiderthanrage.‘Idon’tgiveashitwhatSanjaysays.He’sweak.He’snothing.Ihavenorespectforhimanymore.We’llfindAbdullah.We’llgo,justthethreeofus,withoutsayingathing.We’llkillthisVishnu,theoneincharge,andthoseothergandus,DandaandHanuman.’
Ismiled,bathingmywoundedfaceinthewarmthofhisbraveheart.
‘It’sokay.Leaveitalone.Rightplaceandrighttime,brother.Onewayoranother,I’llseethoseguysagain,andifIneedyou,I’llmakesuretocallyou.’
‘Nightandday,man,’hereplied,shakinghands.
Herodeaway,andIlookedbackatSanjay’smansion:anothermansion,inacityofslums.Thestreetwindowsweresealed,redmetalshuttersrustedintotheirslides.Awitheredhedgeclungtoawrought-ironfence.
ItwasalotlikethehousetheScorpionsreturnedto,afterthey’dworkedmeover.Itwastoomuchlikethathouse.
Youcanrespectaman’srightsoropinionswithoutknowingthemanatall.Butyoucanonlyrespectthemanhimselfwhenyoufindsomethinginhimthat’sworthyoftheword.
Fariddidn’tlookuptoSanjay,anditwasclearthatothersontheCouncilfeltthesameway.I’dneverlookeduptoSanjay,butstillIworkedforhim,undertheprotectionoftheCompanythatborehisname.
Itwasamatterofconscienceforme,andperhapsforsomeoftheothers,buttheerosionofauthoritywaseverythingforSanjay.Everygangisatotemofrespect.Everyleaderisaportraitoffaith.
Wherewastherain?Ifeltdirty:beatupanddirty.Iwasfalling.Everythingwasfalling:everythingbuttherain.Myheartwasahostage,somewhere,andIwaswritingtheransomnote.
Theworldofweeksago,whenI’dleftforGoa,wasnavigatingbydifferentstars.Aweakenedleader,proppedupbyAfghanguards,afourteen-year-oldboy,Tariq,dreamingofthepowertocommandkillersandthieves,themorningtorturewiththewordPakistan,Lisa,Karla,Ranjit:nothingwasthesame,andnowherelookedthesame.
Iwaslost.Anddirty.Andbeatup.Ihadtofindmyway.Ihadtostopfalling.IturnedmybackonSanjay’smansionandrodeaway,pushinganotherraftofhopeintothatlittleoceanofminutes,mylife.ChapterTwelve
TherewasanotefromLisaonthekitchentablewhenIreturnedhome.Itsaidshe’dmissedme,andwasgoingshoppingwithourfriend,Vikram.Shesuggestedthatweshouldmeetlater,backattheapartment.
RelaxingforthefirsttimesinceVishnu’smenpickedmeup,Ilockedthedoorandleanedagainstthewall.Itdidn’tlastlong.Isliddownthewallandsatonthefloor.
Itwasstillearly.I’dforgedthreepassports,beenkidnapped,beaten,anddebriefed,anditwasstillonlytwointheafternoon.
I’veknownfriendswho’vegonethroughbeatings,anddon’tmissastep.Ineverlearnedtotakethehitssoeasily.Icouldkeepitinsideandholdthelineforaslongasittookmetofindasafeplace,butassoonasIclosedasheltereddoor,theavalanchealwaysbegan.Andittookawhile,thatday,togetmyheartundercontrol,andstopmyhandsfromshaking.
Ihadashower,scrubbingatthecutsonmyfaceandneckwithabristlebrushandstrongdisinfectant.Thewoundswereclean,nosmallmatterinatropicalcity,buttheybegantobleedagain.Idrownedtheminaftershave.
Asthepainburnedwhitedotsinthespacebeforemyeyes,Ifileditawayforfuturereference:whenthereckoningwithDandathemoustacheguycame,Ihadtoremembertobringaftershave.
BruisesandweltswereappearingineveryplacethatDanda’sbamboocanehadstruck.ItwasaforensicmatchforthemarksI’dwornbefore,inprison:themarksIsawonotherprisonersintheshower.
Ilookedawayfromthemirror,forcingmyselftoforget;anotherprisontrick.IntwentyminutesIwasonmybikeagain,dressedincleanjeansandboots,aredT-shirtandmycut-offvest.
Irodealongbesidethefishermen’scovestotheColabaBackBay,tokeeptheappointmentintheslum.
Thelandeverywherearoundmehadbeenreclaimedfromthesea,stonebystone.Tall,modernapartmentbuildingscrowdedtogetheronthenewstoneocean,andshoweredpreciousshadeonwide,leafystreets.
Itwasanexpensive,desirablearea,withthePresidenthotelasafigureheadontheprowofthesuburb.Thelittleshopsthatlinedthethreemainboulevardswerefreshlypainted.Flowerboxesdecoratedmanyofthewindows.Theservantswhomovedbackandforthfromtheresidentialtowerstotheshopsweredressedintheirbestsarisandbleachedwhiteshirts.
AsthemainroadswungleftandthenrightbesidetheWorldTradeCentre,thescenechanged.Thetreesbecamemoresparselyplanted,andthenstoppedaltogether.Theshadebegantofadeasthelastshadowcastbyatowersurrenderedtothesun.
Andtheheatfromthatsun,hovering,obscuredbyheavyclouds,beatdownonthedust-greyoceanoftheslum,wheretheridgesoflowrooftopsrolledawaytothetatteredhorizoninraggedwavesofworryandstruggle.
Iparkedthebike,tookthemedicinesandbandagesfromthesaddlebags,andtossedacointooneofthekidswhoofferedtowatchthebikeforme.Therewasn’treallyaneed.Noonestoleanythinginthatarea.
AsIenteredtheslum,makingmywayalongawide,sandy,unevenpath,thesmelloftheopenlatrinethatlinedtheroadflattenedthebreathinmylungs.Afistofnauseatwistedmystomach.
Thebeatinginthewarehousecamebackhardandfast.Thesun.Thebeating.Thesunwastoohot.Istaggeredtothesideofthepath.ThesurgeofnauseaeruptedandIstooped,myhandsonmyknees,andthrewupanythingIstillhadinsideontotheweedsbesidetheroad.
Thechildrenoftheslumchosethatmomenttorushoutofthelanestogreetme.CrowdingaroundmeasIshudderedandshivered,theytuggedatthesleevesofmyshirtandshoutedmyname.
‘Linbaba!Linbaba!Linbaba!’
PullingmyselftogetherIallowedthechildrentodragmewiththemintotheslum.Weworkedourwaythroughthenarrow,stumble-footlanesbetweenhutsmadefromplasticsheets,wovenmatsandbamboopoles.Thehuts,coveredindustaccumulatedthrougheightmonthsofthedryseason,lookedlikedesertdunes.
Gleamingtowersofpotsandpans,garlandedimagesofgods,andsmooth,highlypolishedearthenfloorsglimpsedtheirwaythroughlowdoorways,attestingtotheneat,orderedlivesthatpersistedwithin.
ThechildrenledmedirectlytoJohnnyCigar’shouse,notfarfromtheseashoreboundary.
Johnny,whowastheheadmanintheslum,wasbornonthestreetsofthecity.Hisfather,aNavymanontemporaryassignmentinBombay,hadabandonedJohnny’smotherwhenhelearnedthatshewaspregnant.Heleftthecityonawarship,boundforthePortofAden.Sheneverheardfromhimagain.
Castoutbyherfamily,Johnny’smotherhadmovedintoapavement-dwellersettlementmadefromsheetsofplasticstrungacrossasectionoffootpathnearCrawfordMarket.
Johnnywasbornintheday-longshout,shoveandshuffleheardfromoneofAsia’slargestcoveredmarkets.Hisearsrangfromearlymorninguntillastlightwithshrillorbrayingcadenzasofstreetsellersandstallholders.
He’dlivedthewholeofhislifeinpavementcommunitiesandcrowdedslums,andonlyeverseemedtrulyathomeinthesurgeandswirlofthecrowd.ThefewtimesI’dseenhimalone,walkingthestripofseacoastbesidetheslum,orsittinginalullofafternoonoutsideachaishop,he’dseemeddiminishedbythesolitude;withdrawnintoasmallersenseofhimself.Butinanycrowd,hewasajewelofhispeople.
‘Oh,myGod!’hecried,whenhesawmyface.‘Whatthehellhappenedtoyou,man?’
‘It’salongstory.Howyoudoin’,Johnny?’
‘Oh,shit,man.Yougotasolidpasting!’
Ifrownedathim.Johnnyknewthatfrown.We’dlivedtogetherasneighboursintheslumforeighteenmonths,andhadcontinuedasgoodfriendsforyears.
‘Okay,okay,thikhai,baba.Come,sitdown.Havesomechai.Sunil!Bringchai!Fatafat!’Superquickly!
Isatonanemptygraindrum,watchingJohnnygiveinstructionstoateamofyoungmen,whoweremakingfinalpreparationsforthecomingrain.
Whenthepreviousheadmanoftheslumretiredtohisvillage,henominatedJohnnyCigarashissuccessor.AfewvoicesgrumbledthatJohnnywasn’ttheidealchoice,buttheloveandadmirationeveryonefeltfortheretiringheadmansilencedtheirobjections.
Itwasanhonoraryposition,withnoauthoritybeyondthatcontainedwithinthecharacterofthemanwhoheldit.Afteralmosttwoyearsinthejob,Johnnyhadprovenhimselftobewiseinthesettlementofdisputes,andstrongenoughtoinspirethatancientinstinct:theurgetofollowapositivedirection.
Forhispart,Johnnyenjoyedtheleadershiprole,andwhenallelsefailedtoresolveadispute,hewentwithhisheart,declaredaholidayintheslum,andthrewaparty.
Hissystemworked,andwaspopular.Therewerepeoplewho’dmovedintothatslumbecausetherewasaprettygoodpartyeveryotherweektosettleadisputepeacefully.Peoplebroughtdisputesfromotherslums,tohavethemresolvedbyJohnny.Andlittlebylittle,theboybornonthepavementwasSolomontohispeople
‘Arun!GetdowntothemangrovelinewithDeepak!’heshouted.‘Thatfloodwallcollapsedyesterday.Getitupagain,fast!Raju!TaketheboystoBapu’shouse.Theoldladiesinhislanehavenoplasticontheroof.Thosefuckingcatspulleditoff.Bapuhasthesheets.Helphimgetthemup.Therestofyou,keepclearingthosedrains!Jaldi!’Fast!
Theteaarrived,andJohnnysatdowntodrinkwithme.
‘Cats,’hesighed.‘Canyouexplaintomewhytherearecatpeopleinthisworld?’
‘Inaword?Mice.Catsarehandylittledevils.’
‘Iguessso.YoujustmissedLisaandVikram.Hassheseenyourfacelikethis?’
‘No.’
‘Hell,man,she’sgonnahaveafit,yaar.Youlooklikesomebodyranoveryou.’
‘Thanks,Johnny.’
‘Don’tmention,’hereplied.‘Hey,thatVikram,hedoesn’tlooktoogoodeither.He’snotsleepingwell,Ithink.’
IknewwhyVikramdidn’tlooktoogood.Ididn’twanttotalkaboutit.
‘Whendoyouthink?’Iasked,lookingattheblack,heavingclouds.
Thesmellofrainthatshould-but-wouldn’tfallwaseverywhereinmyeyes,inmysweat,inmyhair:firstrain,theperfectchildofmonsoon.
‘Ithoughtitwouldbetoday,’hereplied,sippingathistea.‘Iwassure.’
Isippedmytea.Itwasverysweet,lacedwithgingertodefeattheheatthatpresseddownoneveryheartinthelastdaysofthesummer.Thegingersoothedthecutsontheinsideofmymouth,andIsighedwithpleasure.
‘Goodchai,Johnny,’Isaid.
‘Goodchai,’hereplied.
‘Indianpenicillin,’Isaid.
‘Thereis…thereisnopenicillininthischai,baba,’Johnnysaid.
‘No,Imean–’
‘Weneverputpenicillininourtea,’hedeclared.
Heseemedoffended.
‘No,no,’Ireassuredhim,knowingthatIwasheadingdownadead-endstreet.‘It’sareferencetoanoldjoke,ajokeaboutchickensoup,ajokeaboutchickensoupbeingcalledJewishpenicillin.’
Johnnysniffedathisteacharily.
‘You…yousmellchickensinthetea?’
‘No,no,it’sajoke.IgrewupintheJewishpartofmytown,LittleIsrael.And,youknow,it’sajokeeverybodytells,becauseJewishpeoplearesupposedtoofferyouchickensoup,nomatterwhat’swrongwithyou.You’vegotanupsetstomach,havealittlechickensoup.You’vegotaheadache,havealittlechickensoup.You’vejustbeenshot,havealittlechickensoup.AndinIndia,teaislikechickensoupforJewishpeople,see?Nomatterwhat’swrong,astrongglassofchaiwillfixyouup.Geddit?’
Hispuzzledfrownclearedinahalf-smile.
‘There’saJewishpersonnotfarfromhere,’hesaid.‘HestaysintheParsicolonyatCuffeParade,eventhoughhe’snotaParsi.HisnameisIsaac,Ibelieve.ShallIbringhimhere?’
‘Yes!’Irepliedexcitedly.‘GettheJewishperson,andbringhimhere!’
Johnnyrosefromhisstool.
‘You’llwaitformehere?’heasked,preparingtoleave.
‘No!’Isaid,exasperated.‘Iwasjoking,Johnny.Itwasajoke!OfcourseIdon’twantyoutobringtheJewishpersonhere.’
‘It’sreallynotrouble,’hesaid.
Hestaredatme,bewildered,trappedahalf-stepaway,uncertainwhetherheshouldfetchIsaac-the-Jewish-personornot.
‘So…’Isaidatlast,lookingattheskyforanescapefromtheconversationalcul-de-sac,‘whendoyouthink?’
Herelaxed,andscannedthecloudschurninginfromthesea.
‘Ithoughtitwouldbetoday,’hereplied.‘Iwassure.’
‘Well,’Isighed,‘ifnottoday,tomorrow.Okay,canwedothisnow,Johnny?’
‘Jarur,’hereplied,movingtowardthelowdoorwayofhishut.
Ijoinedhiminside,closingtheflimsyplywooddoorbehindme.Thehut,madeofthin,tatami-stylemattingstrungtobarebamboopoles,waspavedonthebareearthwithextravagantlydetailedandcolouredtiles.Theyformedamosaicimageofapeacock,withitstailfannedoutagainstabackgroundoftreesandflowers
Thecupboardswerefilledwithfood.Thelarge,metal,rat-proofwardrobewasanexpensiveandmuch-prizeditemoffurnitureintheslum.Abattery-poweredmusicsystemoccupiedacornerofametaldresser.Prideofplacewenttoathree-dimensionalillustrationofthefloggedandcrucifiedChrist.Newfloral-printmattresseswererolledupinacorner.
ThetracesofrelativeluxuryattestedtoJohnny’sstatusandcommercialsuccess.I’dgivenhimthemoneyasaweddingpresent,tobuyasmall,legalapartmentintheneighbouringNavyNagardistrict.Thegiftwasintendedtoallowhimtoescapetheuncertaintyandhardshipoflifeintheillegalslum.
AidedbytheenterprisingspiritofhiswifeSita,thedaughterofaprosperouschaishopowner,Johnnyusedtheapartmentascollateralforaloan,andthenrenteditoutatapremium.Heusedtheloantobuythreeslumhuts,rentedthethreeillegalhutsatmarketrates,andwaslivinginexactlythesameslumlanewhereI’dfirstmethim.
Movingafewthingsaside,Johnnymadeaplaceformetosit.Istoppedhim.
‘Thanks,brother.Thanks.Idon’thavetime.IhavetofindLisa.I’vebeenonestepbehindheralldaylong.’
‘Linbrother,you’llalwaysbeonestepbehindthatgirl.’
‘Ithinkyou’reright.Here,takethis.’
IgavehimthebagofmedicinesthatLisahadgivenme,andpulledawadofmoneyboundwithtightelasticbandsfrommypocket.Itwasenoughtopaytwomonths’wagesforthetwoyoungmenwhoworkedasfirstaidattendantsinthefreeclinic.Therewasalsoasurplustocoverthepurchaseofnewbandagesandmedicines.
‘Isthereanythingspecial?’
‘Well…’hesaid,reluctantly.
‘Tellme.’
‘Anjali–Bhagat’sdaughter–shewentfortheexams.’
‘How’dshedo?’
‘Shecametop.Andnotjusttopofherclass,mindyou,buttopofthewholeMaharashtraState.’
‘Smartkid.’
Irememberedthelittlegirlshewas,yearsago,whenshe’dhelpedmefromtimetotimeinthefreeclinic.Thetwelve-year-oldkeptthenamesofallthepatientsinthesluminherhead,hundredsofnames,andbecameafriendtoeveryoneofthem.Invisitstotheclinicintheyearssince,I’dwatchedherlearnandgrow.
‘Butsmartisnotenoughinthis,ourIndia,’Johnnysighed.‘TheRegistraroftheuniversity,heisdemandingabaksheeshoftwentythousandrupees.’
Hesaiditflatly,withoutrancour.Itwasafactoflife,likethediminishingnumbersoffishinfishermen’snets,andthedailyincreaseofcars,trucksandmotorcyclesontheroadsoftheoncegenteelIslandCity.
‘Howmuchhaveyougot?’
‘Fifteenthousand,’hereplied.‘Wecollectedthemoneyfromevery-onehere,fromallcastesandreligions.Iputinfivethousandmyself.’
Itwasasignificantcommitment.IknewJohnnywouldn’tseethatmoneyrepaidinanythinglessthanthreeyears.
IpulledarollofAmericandollarsfrommypocket.Inthosedaysoftherabiddemandforblackmarketmoney,Ialwayscarriedatleastfivecurrencieswithmeatanyonetime:deutschmarks,poundssterling,Swissfrancs,dollarsandriyals.Ihadaboutthreehundredandfiftydollarsinnotes.AtblackmarketratesitwasenoughtocovertheshortfallinAnjali’seducationbribe.
‘Lin,don’tyouthink…’Johnnysaid,tappingthemoneyagainsthispalm.
‘No.’
‘Iknow,Linbaba,butit’snotagoodthingthatyougivemoneywithouttellingthepeople.Theyshouldknowthisthing.Iunderstandthatifwegivewithoutpraise,anonymously,itisaten-foldgiftintheeyesofGod.ButGod,ifHe’llforgivemeforspeakingmyhumblemind,canbeveryslowinpassingoutpraise.’
Hewasalmostexactlymyownheightandweight,andhecarriedhimselfwiththeslightlypugnaciousshoulderandelbowswingofamanwhomadefoolssufferwell,andfairlyoften.
Hislongfacehadagedalittlefasterthanhisthirty-fiveyears,andthestubblethatcoveredhischinwaspepperedwithgrey-white.Thesand-colouredeyeswerealert,wary,andthoughtful.
Hewasareader,whoconsumedatleastonenewself-helpbookeveryweek,andthenunhelpfullynaggedhisfriendsandneighboursintoreadingthem.
Iadmiredhim.Hewasthekindofman,thekindoffriend,whomadeyoufeellikeabetterhumanbeing,justforknowinghim.Strangely,stupidly,Icouldn’tbringmyselftotellhimthat.Iwantedtodoit.Istartedtodoitafewtimes,butwouldn’tletmyselfspeakthewords.
Myexileheartatthattimewasalldoubtandreluctanceandscepticism.IgavemyhearttoKhaderbhai,andheusedmeasapawn.IgavemyhearttoKarla,theonlywomanI’veeverbeeninlovewith,andsheusedmetoservethesameman,themanwebothcalledfather,Khaderbhai.SincethenI’dbeenonthestreetsfortwoyears,andI’dseenthetowncometothecircus,therichbegpaupers,andthecrimefitthepunishment.IwasolderthanIshould’vebeen,andtoofarfrompeoplewholovedme.Iletafew,notmany,comeclose,butIneverreachedouttothemastheydidtome.Iwouldn’tcommit,astheydid,becauseIknewthatsoonerorlaterI’dhavetoletgo.
‘Letitgo,Johnny,’Isaidsoftly.
Hesighedagain,pocketedthemoney,andledthewayoutsidethehut.
‘WhyareJewishpeopleputtingpenicillinintheirchickens?’heaskedmeaswegazedattheloweringsky.
‘Itwasajoke,Johnny.’
‘No,butthoseJewishpeopleareprettysmart,yaar.Ifthey’reputtingpenicillinintheirchickens,theymusthaveadamngood–’
‘Johnny,’Iinterrupted,witharaisedhand,‘Iloveyou.’
‘Iloveyou,too,man,’hegrinned.
Hewrappedhisarmsaroundmeinatighthugthatwokeeveryoneofthewoundsandbruisesonmyarmsandshoulders.
Icouldstillfeelthestrengthofhim;stillsmellthecoconutoilinhishairasIwalkedawaythroughtheslum.Thesmotheringcloudsthrewearlyeveningshadowsonthewearyfacesoffishermenandwasherwomen,returninghomefromthebusyshoreline.Butthewhitesoftheirtiredeyesglowedwithauburnandrose-goldastheysmiledatme.Andtheyallsmiled,everyoneofthem,astheypassed,crownsgleamingontheirsweatedbrows.ChapterThirteen
WhenIsteppedintothelaughingbroilofLeopold’s,IscannedthetablesforLisaandVikram.Icouldn’tseethem,butmyeyesmetthoseofmyfriendDidier.HewassittingwithKavitaSinghandNaveenAdair.
‘Ajealoushusband!’Didiercried,admiringmybatteredface.‘Lin!I’msoproudofyou!’
‘Sorrytodisappointyou,’Ishrugged,reachingouttoshakehandswithhimandNaveen.‘Slippedintheshower.’
‘Looksliketheshowerfoughtback,’Naveensaid.
‘Whatareyou,aplumbingdetectivenow?’
‘Whateverthecause,Iamdelightedtoseesinonyourface,Lin!’Didierdeclared,wavingtothewaiter.‘Thiscallsforacelebration.’
‘IherebycallthismeetingofSinnersAnonymoustoorder!’Kavitaannounced.
‘Hi,myname’sNaveen,’theyoungdetectivesaid,buyingin,‘andI’masinner.’
‘Hi,Naveen,’weallreplied.
‘Wheretobegin…’Naveenlaughed.
‘Anysinwilldo,’Didierprompted.
Naveendecidedtothinkaboutitforawhile.
‘Itsuitsyou,thisnewlook,’KavitaSinghsaidtomeaswesatdown.
‘I’llbetyousaythattoallthebruises.’
‘OnlytheonesIputtheremyself.’
Kavita,abeautiful,intelligentjournalist,hadapreferenceforothergirls,andwasoneofthefewwomeninthecitywhowasunafraidtodeclareit.
‘Kavita,Naveenwillnotrevealhissins!’Didierpouted.‘Atleasttellmesomeofyours.’
Shelaughed,andbeganrecitingalistofhersins.
‘Thoserocksinyourshower,’Naveenremarkedquietly,leaningclosetome,‘didaprofessionaljob.’
Iglancedathimquickly.Iwasreadytolikehim.Ialreadydidlikehim.Buthewasstillastranger,andIwasn’tsurethatIcouldtrusthim.HowdidheknowthatI’dreceivedaprofessionalbeating?
Readingmyexpression,hesmiled.
‘Allthehits,onbothsidesofyourface,arebunchedupinatightpattern,leftandright,’hesaidquietly.‘Youreyesareblacked,butthey’restillopen,andyoucanseeokay.That’snoteasytodo.Yourwristsaremarked,too.It’snothardtofigurethatsomebodywhoknewwhathewasdoingsmackedyouaroundprettygood.’
‘I’mguessingthere’sapointinthere,somewhere.’
‘Thepointis,I’mhurt.’
‘You’rehurt?’
‘Youdidn’tinviteme.’
‘Iwasn’ttheonesendingoutcards.’
‘Likelytobeanymoreparties?’hesmiled.
‘Idon’tknow.Youfeelinglonely?’
‘Countmein,ifyouneedadate,nexttime.’
‘I’mgood,’Isaid.‘Butthanksfortheoffer.’
‘Please!’Didierinsistedasagloweringwaiterslammedthedrinksdownonthetable.‘Stopwhispering,youtwo.Ifit’snotanillicitloverorjealoushusbandtoboastabout,you’llhavetoofferanothersintodiscuss.’
‘I’lldrinktothat,’Kavitaencouraged.
‘Doyouknowwhysinisbanned?’Didieraskedher,hisblueeyesglittering.
‘Becauseit’sfun?’Kavitaoffered.
‘Becauseitmakesfunofpeoplewhobansin,’Didiersaid,raisinghisglass.
‘I’llmakethetoast!’Kavitaannounced,raisingherglasstoDidier’s.‘Totyingpeopleupandgivingthemagoodsmack!’
‘Excellent!’Didiercried.
‘I’min,’Naveensaid,raisinghisglass.
‘No,’Isaid.
Itwasn’tthedaytotoastpeoplebeingtiedup;notforme.
‘Okay,Lin,’Kavitasnapped.‘Whydon’tyoumakethetoast?’
‘Tofreedom,inallitsforms,’Isaid.
‘I’minagain,’Naveensaid.
‘Didierisalwaysforfreedom,’Didieragreed,raisinghisglass.
‘Alright,’Kavitasaid,bangingherglassagainstours.‘Tofreedom,inallherforms.’
We’djustputourglassesbackonthetablewhenConcannonandStuartVinsonjoinedus.
‘Hey,man,’Vinsonsaid,offeringahandshakelikeagood-naturedsmile.‘Whatthehellhappenedtoyou?’
‘Someonekickedhisfuckin’arse,’Concannonlaughed,hisNorthernIrishdrawlprowling.‘Anditlooksliketheythrewinhishead,n’all.Whatyabeenupto,boyo?’
‘Hehasshowerissues,’Kavitasaid.
‘Showerissues,doeshe,indeed?’Concannongrinned,leaningclosetoKavita.‘Andwhatissuesdoyouhave?’
‘Youfirst,’Kavitareplied.
Hegrinnedagain,asifhe’dwon.
‘Me?Itakeissuewitheverythingthatisn’talreadymine.AndsinceI’veletthatcatoutofthebag,Irepeat,whatissuesdoyouhave?’
‘Ihavelovelinessissues.ButI’mintreatment.’
‘Aversiontherapyissaidtobeveryeffective,’Naveensaid,staringatConcannon.
Concannonlookedfromonetotheother,laughedhard,seizedtwochairsfromaneighbouringtablewithoutasking,draggedthemtoourtableandpushedVinsondownintooneofthem.
Heturnedhisownchairaroundbackwards,andrestedhissolidforearmsonthebackofit.
‘Whatarewedrinkin’?’heasked.
IrealisedthatDidierhadn’tcalledfordrinks,hishabitwheneveranyonejoinedhiminLeopold’s.IturnedmyheadandsawhimstaringatConcannon.ThelasttimeI’dseenDidierlookatsomeonethathard,he’dhadaguninhishand.Thirtysecondslaterhe’dusedit.
Iraisedmyhandtocallthewaiter.WhenthedrinkswereorderedImovedthesubjectacrossDidier’seyeline.
‘Youlookgood,Vinson.’
‘I’mdamnhappy,’theyoungAmericanreplied.‘Wejustmadeakilling.Fellrightintomylap.Well,intoourlaps,Concannon’sandmine.So,hey,thedrinksareonus.’
Thedrinksarrived.Vinsonpaidandweraisedourglasses.
‘Tosweetdeals!’Vinsonsaid.
‘Andtothesuckerswhosweetenthem,’Concannonaddedquickly.
Ourglassesclashed,butConcannonhadsouredthetoast.
‘TenthousandAmericandollarseach!’Concannonsaid,slamminghisglassdownhardonthetable.‘Nobetterfeelin’!Justlikecomin’inarichgirl’smouth!’
‘Hey,Concannon!’Isaid.
‘There’snocallfortalklikethat,’Vinsonadded.
‘What?’Concannonasked,hisarmswidewithwonder.‘What?’
HeturnedhisheadandleanedthesideofhischairtowardKavita.
‘Comeon,darlin’,’hesaid,hissmileaswideasifhewasaskinghertodance,‘youcan’tbetellin’meyou’reastrangertotheexperience.Notwithafaceandafigurelikeyours.’
‘Whydon’tyoutalktomeaboutit?’NaveenAdairmutteredthroughclenchedteeth.
‘Unlessyou’reafuckin’lesbian!’Concannoncontinued,laughingsohardthathischairtiltedsidewaysandalmostfell.
Naveenbegantostand.Kavitaputahandagainsthischest,holdinghimback.
‘ForChrissakes,Concannon!’Vinsonspluttered,surprisedandconfused.‘Like,whatthehell’sthematterwithyou?Youbroughtmeasolid-goldcustomer,wemadeabundleofcash,andwe’resupposedtobe,like,happyandcelebrating.Stopantagonisingeverybodyalready!’
‘It’salright,’Kavitasaid,staringevenlyatConcannon.‘Ibelieveinfreespeech.Ifyouputahandonme,I’llcutitoff.Butifyoujustsitthere,talkinglikeanidiot,hey,youcandothatallnightlongforallIcare.’
‘Oh,so,youareafuckin’cunt-licker,’Concannongrinnedbackather.
‘Asamatteroffact–’shebegan.
‘Asamatteroffact,’Didierinterruptedher,‘it’snoneofyourbusiness.’
Concannon’sgrinhardenedattheedges.Hiseyesglittered,sunlightonthebackofacobra’shood.HeturnedtofaceDidier.Themenaceinhisexpressionwasclear.TherudenesstoKavitahadbeenarusetoprovokeDidier.
Itworked.Didier’seyeswereindigoflames.
‘Youshouldpowderyournoseandputonyourdress,sweetheart,’Concannongrowled.‘Allyoufuckin’homosshouldweardresses.Asawarning,like,fortherestofus.Ifyougetfuckedlikeawoman,youshoulddresslikeone.’
‘Youshouldhavethecourage,ifnotthehonour,’Didierrepliedevenly,‘todiscussthisprivately.Outside.’
‘You’reafuckin’unnaturalthing,’Concannonhissed,throughbarelypartedlips.
Wewereallonourfeet.NaveenreachedouttograbConcannon’sshirt.VinsonandIseparatedthetwomen,aswaitersrushedatusfromallcornersofthebar.
ThewaitersatLeopold’shadauniqueinternshipinthoseyears:iftheyputonboxingglovesandlastedtwominutesinthebacklanewiththeverybig,verytoughSikhheadwaiter,theygotthejob.Sixofthosewaiters,directedbytheverybig,verytoughSikhheadwaiter,surroundedourtable.
Concannonlookedaroundquickly,hishardsmilewideningtoshowanunevensetofyellowingteeth.Forafewsecondshelistenedtothevoicewithin,urginghimtofightanddie.Insomemen,that’sthesweetestvoicethateverspeakstothem.Thentheviciousnesssoftenedintocunning,andhebegantobackawaythroughthecircleofwaiters.
‘Youknowwhat?’hesaid,steppingbackwards.‘Fuckyez!Fuckyezall!’
‘Whatthehellwasthatallabout?’VinsongaspedasConcannonstompedoutintothestreet,pushingshoppersaside.
‘Itisobvious,Stuart,’Didiersaidasweslowlysatdownagain.
Hewastheonlyoneofuswhohadn’tstood,andtheonlyonewhoseemedcalm.
‘Nottome,man.’
‘Ihaveseenthisphenomenonmanytimes,Stuart,inmanycountries.Themanisalmostuncontrollablyattractedtome.’
Vinsonsplutteredbeerfoamacrossthetable.Kavitahowledwithlaughter.
‘Areyousayinghe’sgay?’Naveenasked.
‘Doesamanhavetobegay,’Didierasked,givinghimalooktotanleather,‘tobeattractedtoDidier?’
‘Okay,okay,’Naveengrinned.
‘Idon’tthinkhe’sgay,’Vinsonsaid.‘Hegoestoprostitutes.Ithinkhe’sjustcrazy.’
‘Yougotthatright,’Kavitasaid,wavingherglassinfrontofhisbewilderedfrown.
Sweetie,who’dbeenstandingwellawayfromtheconfrontation,slappedafilthyragonourtableasasignthathewasreadytotakeourorder.Hepickedhiscrookednosewithhismiddlefinger,wipeditonhisjacket,andletoutasigh.
‘Aurkuch?’hemenaced.Anythingelse?
Didierwasabouttomakeanorder,butIstoppedhim.
‘Notforme,’Isaid,standingandcollectingmykeys.
‘But,no!’Didierprotested.‘Onemore,surely?’
‘Ididn’tfinishthelastone.I’mriding.’
‘I’mwithyou,cowboy,’Kavitasaid,joiningme.‘ItoldLisaI’dcallaroundtonight.I’llcomehomewithyou,ifyoudon’tmind?’
‘Happytohaveyoualong.’
‘But…canagaymangotoprostitutes,like,alot?’Vinsonasked,leaningtowardDidier.
Didierlitacigarette,examinedtheglowforamoment,andthenaddressedVinson,hiseyesnarrowing.
‘Haveyounotheardthemsay,Stuart,thatagaymancandoeverythingthatamanwants?’
‘What?’Vinsonasked,adriftasaniceberg.
‘Theyalsosaythatignoranceisbliss,’Isaid,exchangingasmilewithDidier.‘AndI’mgonnafollowmyblisshome.’
Weleftthebarandmadeourwaythroughthecrushofshopperstotheparkingarea,whereI’dleftmybike.
AsIputthekeyintotheignition,averystronghandreachedoutandseizedmyforearm.ItwasConcannon.
‘Fuckhim,eh?’hesaid,smilingwidely.
‘What?’
‘Fuckhim.TheFrenchmincer.’
‘You’recrazierthanyouknow,Concannon.’
‘Ican’targuewiththat.AndIdon’twanttoargue.I’vegotthatmoney.Tengrand.Let’sgoandgetdrunk.’
‘I’mgoinghome,’Isaid,pullingmyarmfreetoputthekeyintheignition.
‘Comeon,it’llbefun!Let’sgoout,youandme.Let’sgopickafight.Let’sfindsomereallytoughbastards,andhurtthem.Let’shavefun,man!’
‘Attractiveandallasthat–’
‘I’vegotthisnewIrishmusic,’hesaidquickly.‘It’sfuckin’grand.ThethingaboutIrishmusic,youknow,isthatit’ssogoodtofightto.’
‘No.’
‘Ah,comeon!Atleastlistentoit,andgetdrunkwithme.’
‘No.’
‘ThatFrenchman’safuckin’faggot!’
‘Concannon–’
‘Youandme,’hesaid,softeninghisvoiceandforcingasmilealmostexactlylikeascowlofpain.‘We’rethesame,youandme.Iknowyou.Ifuckin’knowyou.’
‘Youdon’tknowme.’
Hesnarled,whirlinghisheadaround,andspittingontheground.
‘Imean,thatfaggot,thinkaboutit.Ifthewholeworldwaslikehim,thehumanracewoulddieout.’
‘Andifthewholeworldwaslikeyou,Concannon,we’ddeserveto.’
Itwashard;toohard.WhowasItothrowstones?ButIlovedDidier,andI’dhadallofConcannonIcouldtakeforonelongday.
Hiseyesflashedwithsuddenmurderousfury,andIstaredbackathim,thinkingthatI’dbeentiedupandbeatupthatday,andhecouldstareallhewanted.
Istartedthebike,kickedawaytheside-stand,andhelpedKavitatoclimbupbehindme.Werodeawaywithoutlookingback.
‘Thatguy,’sheshouted,leaningovermyshoulder,herlipstouchingmyear,‘isoutofhisbloodymind,yaar.’
‘Ionlymettheguyoncebefore,’Ishoutedback.‘Heseemedkindofokay.’
‘Well,somebodyemptiedhisokaybasket,’Kavitasaid.
‘Youcouldsaythataboutmostofus,’Ireplied.
‘Speakforyourself,’Kavitalaughed.‘Mybasketisahornofplenty,baby.’
Iwasn’tlaughing.ThelookinConcannon’seyesstayedwithme.EvenasIbrushedasideLisa’spainandconcern,apologisedtoher,kissedher,andsatonawobblystoolinthebathroomwhileshecleanedanddressedthecutsonmyface,IsawConcannon’seyes:omensinacave.
‘ItsuitsLin,thislook,’KavitasaidtoLisa,claimingacomfortableplaceonthecouchafterI’dbeenpatchedup.‘Ithinkheshouldpaysomeonetodoitatleastonceeverymonth.I’vegotacoupleofgirlfriendswho’ddoitforfree.’
‘You’renothelping,Kavita.Imean,lookathim.That’swhatacaraccidentwouldlooklike,ifcarsweremadeoutofpeople.’
‘Okay,’Kavitasaid,‘I’mreallynotwantingtogetthatimageinmymind.’
Lisafrowned,andturnedbacktofaceme,herhandcradlingthebackofmyhead.
‘You’renotgoingtotellmewhatthehellhappened,areyou?’
‘Happened?’
‘You’reasickman,’shedeclared,pushingmeaway.‘Didyouatleasteatsomethingtoday?’
‘Well…Igotkindabusy.’
‘Kavita,willyoucookforus?I’mjusttooemotionaltocookrightnow.’
Kavitacookedoneofmyfavourites,yellowdhalandalooghobi,spicedcauliflower-potatomix.Itwasprettygood,too,andIdidn’tknowhowmuchIneededituntilIateit.Afterwecleanedupquickly,wesattogethertowatchamovie.
ItwasKonchalovsky’sfilmofKurosawa’sRunawayTrain,withJohnVoightridingfearlessintothewhiteskythateveryoutlawfinds,soonerorlater,onthehorizonofviolentdesire.
Kavita,whocondemneditastestosteroneterrorism,insistedthatwewatchitasecondtime,butwiththesoundturnedtozero,andwitheachofusspeakingthepartsofthecharacters.Weranthemovieagain,andlaughedourwaythroughthesecondviewing.
Iplayedthegame,makinguplinesforthecharactersKavitagaveme,desecratingthebelovedmovie,butasthelightfromthatrunawaytrainpouredontoourlaughingfacesinthedarkenedroom,otherimagesandotherfacesfromanotherdarkplace,earlierthatlongday,rainedintome.
WhenLisaputanewfilmintheplayerIstood,gatheredmykeys,andputmytwoknivesintothescabbards.
‘Whereareyougoing?’Lisaaskedfromthecouch,whereshewassnuggledinbesideKavita.
‘I’vegotsomethingIhavetodo,’Ireplied,leaningovertokissheronthecheek.
‘You’regonnawhat?’shedemanded.‘We’regonnawatchanothermoviehere!Mychoice,thistime.It’snotfairthatIhavetoseeyourtestosteroneterrorism,andyoudon’thavetoseemyoestrogenecstasy.’
‘Lethimgo,’Kavitasaid,cuddlingclose.‘We’llhaveagirls’nightin.’
AtthedoortothelivingroomIturnedtolookatthemagain.
‘IfIdon’tcomebacktonight,’Isaid,‘don’tgivemystuffaway,becauseIalwayscomeback.’
‘Veryfunny,’Lisasaid.‘Tellme,didyouhaveastampcollection,whenyouwereakid?’
‘Please,Lin,’Kavitalaughed.‘Don’tanswerthatquestion.’
‘Itried,’Isaid.‘Myfatherstampeditout.Bytheway,doyouthinkI’mgrouchy?’
‘What?’theybothasked.
‘Someone,akidIknow,hesaidI’mgrouchy.Idon’tgetit.DoyouthinkI’mgrouchy?’
LisaandKavitalaughedsohardtheyfelloffthecouch.Whentheysawtheexpressiononmyfacetheylaughedharderandrolledtogether,theirlegsintheair.
‘Comeon,it’snotthatfunny.’
Theyscreamedformetostop.
‘Thanks,’Isaid.‘Thanksalot.’
TheywerestilllaughingwhenIstartedmybike,pulledoutofthedriveway,andheadedalongMarineDrivetowardTardeo.
Itwaslate,andthestreetswerealmostdeserted.Ascentofironandsalt,thebloodofthesea,rosefromthecrestsofwaves,exhaustingthemselvesonthewallsofthewidebay.Thatscentrodethemidnightbreezeintoeveryopenwindowontheboulevard.
Massiveblackcloudsboiledandswarmedoverhead,soclosethatitseemedIcouldreachupandtouchthemasIrode.Lightning,silentbutsky-wide,rippedtheveilofnight,shreddingthedarknesswiththeatresofcloudineverysilverstrike.
Aftereightdrymonths,thesouloftheIslandCitywasbeggingforrain.Everyheart,sleepingorawake,stirredtotheroilandrumbleofthegatheringstorm.Everypulse,youngorold,wasdrummingtotherhythmofthecomingrain,everysighingbreathapartofthewaxingwindandthefloodingclouds.
Iparkedthebikeintheentrancetoadesertedalley.Thefootpathsnearbywereempty,andthefewsleepersIsawwerestretchedoutnearalineofhandcarts,threehundredmetresaway.
Ismokedacigarette,waitingandwatchingthequietstreet.WhenIwassurethatno-onewasawakeontheblock,Iputmycottonhandkerchiefunderthedownpipeofthepetroltankonmybike,pulledthefeedertubefree,floodedthehandkerchiefwithpetrol,andthenreconnectedthetube.
Atthedoorofthewarehousewherethey’dslappedmearoundthatafternoon,Ibrokethepadlockonthechainacrossthedoor,andslippedinside.
Iusedmycigarettelightertofindmywaytothepieceofpoolfurniture:thatbananaloungeinacid-greenandyellowvinyl.Therewasanemptydrumnearby.Idraggedittowardthebananalounge,andsatdown.
Inafewminutes,myeyesadjustedtothedarkness.Imadeoutcertainobjectsandpiecesoffurniturequiteclearly.Amongthemwasalargecoilofcoconut-fibrerope.Theropethey’dusedtotiemetothepoolchairhadbeencutfromthatroll.
Istoodupanduncoiledtheropeuntilittumbledintoalarge,loosepile.Packingthepileofropeunderthebananalounge,Istuffedthepetrol-soakedscarfwithinthefibrestrands.
Therewereemptycardboardcartons,oldtelephonebooks,oilyragsandotherinflammablesinthewarehouse.Idraggedthemintoalineleadingfromthepoolchairtoarowofcabinetsandbencheswherethepowertoolsweredisplayed,anddousedthemwitheverythingIcouldfind.
WhenIlitthescarfitflaredupquickly.Theflamesflutteredandthenrushedintoafiercefirethatbegantoconsumethepileofrope.
Thick,mustysmokequicklyfilledtheopenspace.Thevinylbananaloungewasputtingupafight.Iwaiteduntilthefirehadprowledalongthelineofcombustiblerefuse,andthenleftthewarehouse,draggingaheavyoxy-acetylenekitwithme.
Iletthegasbottlesrestinthegutter,outofreachofthefire,andwalkedslowlytomybike.
Thefirelightinthewindowsofthewarehouserippledandthrobbedforatime,asifasilentpartywasunderwayinside.Thentherewasasmallexplosion.
Iguessedthatacontainerofglueorpaintthinnerhadexploded.Whateveritwas,itbroughtthefireintotheraftersofthewarehouse,andsentthefirstflamesandpiecesoforangeashintotheheavy,humidair.
Peoplebeganemergingfromsurroundingshopsandhouses.Theyrantowardthefire,buttherewasnothingtheycoulddo.Therewaslittlewatertospare.Thewarehousewasastand-alonebuilding.Itwaslosttothefire,andeveryoneknewit,butotherbuildingswouldn’tburnwithit.
Asthecrowdswelled,thefirstchaiandpaansellersarrivedonbi-cyclestoprofitfromthepoolofspectators.Notlongbehindthemwerethefiremenandthepolice.
Thefirementrainedhosesonthesidesoftheburningbuilding,butthehosesonlyproducedathinstreamofwater.Thepolicelashedoutwithbamboocanesatafewofthespectators,establishedacommandpostoppositethefire,andcommandeeredachaisellerforthemselves.
Iwasgettingworried.Iwantedtoburndownthetortureshed.Ithadseemedlikeagoodideaatthetime.Vishnuwantedmetoleaveamessagethere,andIwassurethathe’dgetmymessageclearly.ButIdidn’twantthefiretospread.
ThefiremenintheirbrassAthenianhelmetswerehelpless.Itseemed,forahandfulofheartbeats,thatthefiremightjumptheopenspacetothenextbuilding.
Thunderboomedthedrumofsky.Everywindowinthestreetshuddered.Everyhearttrembled.Thundersmashedtheskyagainandagain,sofearsomethatlovers,neighboursandevenstrangersreachedouttooneanotherinstinctively.
Lightninglitlanternsofcloudeverywhereatonce,directlyoverhead.Dogscoweredandscampered.Acoldwindgustedthroughthehumidnight,thebladeofitpiercingmythinshirt.Thefreezingwindfled,andawarm,plungingwaveofairasdampasseaspraymovedthroughthestreetlikeahandrustlingasilkcurtain.
Itrained.Liquidnight,heavyasacashmerecloak:itrained.Anditrained.
Thecrowdshiveredandshoutedwithdelight.Forgettingthefiretheyjumpedandwhoopedanddancedtogether,laughingmadlyastheirfeetsplashedonthesoddenstreet.
Thefiresizzled,defeatedintheflood.Firemenjoinedthedancers.Someoneturnedonmusicsomewhere.Copsswayedinalinebesidetheirjeeps.Thedancerslaughed,soakedthrough,satin-skinclothesreflectingcoloursinthepuddlesattheirfeet.
Idancedonariverofwetlight.Stormsrolled,whiletheseacametotheearth.Windsleaptatuslikeapackofhappydogs.Lakesoflightningsplashedthestreet.Heatsighedfromeverystone.Faithinlifepaintedourfaces.Handswerelaughter.Shadowsdanced,drunkonrain,andIdancedwiththem,thehappyfoolIwas,asthatfirstflooddrownedthesinsofthesun.PartThree
ChapterFourteen
‘Areyouawake?’
‘No.’
‘Yes,youare.’
‘No,I’mnot.’
‘Ifyou’renotawake,howcomeyou’reansweringme?’
‘I’mhavinganightmare.’
‘Oh,yeah?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Whatkindanightmare?’
‘It’shorrible.There’sthispersistentvoice,destroyingthefirstgoodsleepI’vehadinweeks.’
‘That’syournightmare?’Lisamockedfrombehindmyback.‘Youshouldtryayearintheartbusiness,baby.’
‘It’sgettingscarier.Ican’tmakethevoicestop.’
Shewassilent.Iknewfromherbreathing,asyoudowhenyoulikeawomanenough,thathereyeswereopen.Theoverheadfanturnedslowly,stirringliquidmonsoonair.Streetlightsliverspenetratedthewoodenshuttersonthewindows,dissectingthepaintingsonthewallbesidethebed.
Morningwasstillhalfanhouraway,butthefalsedawnflattenedalltheshadowsintheroom.Surrealgreysettledoneverysurface,evenontheskinofmyhand,besidemyfaceonthepillow.
ThePeyoteEffect,Karlacalleditonce.Andshewasright,ofcourse.Thedrug’stendencytopainttheuniverseinthesameshadewaslikeafalsedawnoftheimagination.Karla,alwayssoclever,alwayssofunny…
Myeyesclosed.Iwasalmostgone;holdingapeyotebuttoninthepalmofmydreaminghand,andalmostgone.
‘HowoftendoyouthinkaboutKarla?’Lisaasked.
Damn,Ithought,wakingup,howdowomendothat?
‘Alot,lately.That’sthethirdtimeI’veheardhernameinasmanydays.’
‘Whoelsetalkedabouther?’
‘Naveen,theyoungprivatedetective,andRanjit.’
‘WhatdidRanjitsay?’
‘Lisa,whydon’twenottalkaboutKarlaandRanjit,okay?’
‘AreyoujealousofRanjit?’
‘What?’
‘Well,youknow,I’vebeenspendingalotoftimewithhimlately,lateatnight.’
‘Ihaven’tbeenherelately,Lisa,soIdidn’tknow.HowmuchtimehaveyoubeenspendingwithRanjit?’
‘He’sbeendamnhelpfulwiththepublicityfortheshows.We’vehadlotsmorepeoplecomingthroughthedoorssincehegotonboard.Butthere’sabsolutelynothinggoingonbetweenus.’
‘O…kay.What?’
‘So,howoftendoyoureallythinkaboutKarla?’
‘Arewedoingthisnow?’Iasked,turningovertofaceher.
Sheraisedherselfonanelbow,herheadtiltedtohershoulder.
‘Isawheryesterday,’shesaid,watchingmeclosely,herblueeyesinnocentasflowers.
Ifrownedsilenceather.
‘Iranintoheratmydressshop.TheoneonBrady’sLane.Ithoughtitwasasecret,mysecret,andthenIturnedaroundandsawKarla,standingrightbesideme.’
‘Whatdidshesay?’
‘Whatdoyoumean?’
‘Imean,whatdidshesaytoyou?’
‘That’s…kindabizarre,’shesaid,frowningatme.
‘Whaddayamean,bizarre?’
‘Youdidn’taskhowshelooks,orhowshe’sfeeling–youaskedwhatshesaid.’
‘And?’
‘So…youhaven’tseenherforalmosttwoyears,andthefirstthingyouaskmeaboutiswhatshesaid.Idon’tknowwhat’smorefreaky,thatyousaidthat,orthatIkindaunderstandit,becauseit’saboutKarla.’
‘So…youdounderstand.’
‘OfcourseIdo.’
‘So…it’snotbizarre.’
‘Thebizarrepartiswhatittellsmeaboutyouandher.’
‘Whatarewetalkingabout,again?’
‘Karla.Doyouwanttoknowwhatshesaid,ornot?’
‘Okay,’Isaid.‘No.’
‘Ofcourseyoudo.First,letmesayshelookedgreat.Reallygreat.Andsheseemsfine.WehadacoffeeatMadrasCafé,andIlaughedmyselfsilly.She’sonathingaboutreligionatthemoment.Shesaid–no,wait,letmegetitright–ohyeah,shesaidReligionisjustalongcompetitiontoseewhocandesignthesilliesthat.She’ssofunny.Itmustbedamnhard.’
‘Beingfunny?’
‘No,alwaysbeingthesmartestpersonintheroom.’
‘You’resmart,’Isaid,turningontomyback,andputtingmyhandsbehindmyhead.‘You’reoneofthesmartestpeopleIknow.’
‘Me?’shelaughed.
‘Damnright.’
Shekissedmychest,andthennestledinbesideme.
‘I’veofferedKarlaaplacewithmeintheartstudio,’shedeclared,herfeetwrigglingintimetothewords.
‘That’snotthebestideaI’veheardthisweek.’
‘YoujustsaidIwassmart.’
‘Isaidyouweresmart,’Iteasedher.‘Ididn’tsayyouwerewise.’
Shepunchedmeintheside.
‘I’mserious,’Ilaughed.‘I…Idon’t…Imean,I’mnotsureIwantKarlawalkingbackintotheapartmentofmylife.Theroomswheresheusedtoliveareboardedupnow.I’dkindaliketokeepitthatway,forawhilelonger.’
‘She’saghostinmymansion,too,’shesaidwistfully.
‘Oh,Isee.I’vegotanimaginaryapartment,andyou’vegotanimaginarymansion?’
‘Ofcourse.Everybody’sgotamansioninside.Everyoneexceptpeoplewithself-esteemissues,likeyou.’
‘Idon’thaveself-esteemissues.I’marealist.’
Shelaughed.Shelaughedforquiteawhile:longenoughtomakemewonderwhatitwasthatI’dsaid.
‘Beserious,’shesaidwhenshesettleddown.‘ThatwasthefirsttimeI’veseenKarlainalmosttenmonths,andI…Ilookedather…and…IrealisedhowmuchIloveher.It’safunnything,don’tyouthink,torememberhowmuchyoulovesomebody?’
‘I’mjustsaying–’
‘Iknow,’shemurmured,leaningacrosstokissme.‘Iknow.’
‘Whatdoyouknow?’
‘Iknowit’snotforever,’shewhispered,herfaceclose,herlipsstilltouchingmine,andthoseblueeyeschallengingthemorningsky.
‘Everytimeyouansweraquestion,Lisa,Igetmoreconfused.’
‘Idon’tevenbelieveinforever,’shesaid,tossingeternityawaywithaflashofblondecurls.‘Ineverdid.’
‘AmIgoingtolikewhatwe’retalkingabout,Leese,whenIknowwhatitis?’
‘I’mkindofanowfanatic,ifyouknowwhatImean.Kindofanowfundamentalist,youcouldsay.’
Shebegantokissme,butshebeganspeakingagain,herlipsbubblingthewordsintomymouth.
‘You’renevergonnatellmeaboutthatfightyouhad,areyou?’
‘Itwasn’tmuchofafight.Itwasn’treallyafightatall,ifyouwannagettechnical.’
‘Idowannagettechnical.Whathappened?’
‘Happened?’Isaid,stillkissingher.
Shepulledherselfawayfromme,andsatuponthebed,herlegscrossed.
‘You’vegottastopdoingthis,’shesaid.
‘Okay,’Isighed,sittingupandrestingmybackagainstastackofpillows.‘Let’shaveit.’
‘TheCompany,’shesaidflatly.‘Thepassportfactory.TheSanjayCompany.’
‘Comeon,Lisa.We’vebeenthroughthisbefore.’
‘Notforawhile.’
‘Seemslikeyesterdaytome.Lisa–’
‘Youdon’thavetodoit.Youdon’thavetobethat.’
‘Yes,Ido,foralittlewhilelonger.’
‘No,youdon’t.’
‘Sure.AndI’llmakemoney,asafugitive,withapriceonmyhead,workinginabank.’
‘Wedon’tlivebig.We’llbeokayonwhatI’llmake.Theartmarketisstartingtotakeoffhere.’
‘Iwasdoingthisbeforewegottogether–’
‘Iknow,Iknow–’
‘Andyouacceptedit.You–’
‘I’vegotabadfeeling,’shesaidbluntly.
Ismiled,andputthepalmofmyhandagainstherface.
‘Ican’tshakeitoff,’shesaidquietly.‘I’ve…I’vegotthisreallybadfeeling.’
Itookherhandsinmine.Ourfeetweretouching,andhertoesclosedaroundmine,graspingwithsurprisingforce.Dawnbegantoburngapsinthewoodenshutters.
‘We’vebeenthroughthisbefore,’Irepeatedslowly.‘Thegovernmentofmycountryputapriceonmyhead.Andiftheydon’tkillme,tryingtocatchme,they’lltakemebacktothesameprisonIescapedfrom,andthey’llchainmetothesamewall,andgotoworkonme.I’mnotgoingback,Lisa.I’msafehere,fornow.That’ssomething.Forme,ifnotforyou.’
‘I’mnotsayinggiveyourselfup.I’msayingdon’tgiveuponyourself.’
‘Whatdoyouwantmetodo?’
‘Youcouldwrite.’
‘Idowrite,everyday.’
‘Iknow,butwecouldreallyfocusonit,youknow?’
‘We?’Ilaughed.
Iwasn’tmockingher:itwassimplythefirsttimeshe’dmentionedmywriting,andwe’dlivedtogetherforalmosttwoyears.
‘Forgetit,’shesaid.
Shewassilentagain.Hereyesdriftedslowlydownwards,andhertoesreleasedtheirfiercegriponmine.Ibrushedastraycurlfromhereye,andranmyhandthroughthesea-foamofherblondehair.
‘Iowethemapromise,’Isaidflatly.
‘Youdon’t,’shesaid,buttherewasnoforceinherprotest,assheliftedhereyestomeetmine.‘Youdon’towethemanything.’
‘Yes,Iowethem.Everyonewhoknowsthem,owesthem.That’showitworks.That’swhyIdon’tletyoumeetanyofthem.’
‘You’refree,Lin.Youclimbedthewall,andyoudon’tevenknowyou’refree.’
Istaredbackintohereyes,asky-reflectedlake.Thephonerang.
‘I’mfreeenoughtoletthatphonering,’Isaid.‘Areyou?’
‘Youneveranswerthephone,’shesnapped.‘Thatdoesn’tcount.’
Shegotoutofbed.Staringatme,shelistenedtothevoiceontheotherendoftheline.Iwatchedsadnesssettlelikeashawlacrosshershouldersasshehandedmethephone.
ItwasoneofSanjay’slieutenants,passingonamessage.
‘I’llgetonit,’Isaid.‘Yeah.What?Itoldyou.I’llgetonit.Twentyminutes.’
Ihungupthephone,wentbacktothebed,andkneltbesideher.
‘Oneofmymenhasbeenarrested.He’sattheColabalock-up.Igottabribehimout.’
‘He’snotoneofyourmen,’shesaid,pushingmeaway.‘Andyou’renottheirman.’
‘I’msorry,Lisa.’
‘Itdoesn’tmatterwhatyoudid,orwhatyouwere.Itdoesn’tevenmatterwhatyouare.It’swhatyoutrytobethatcounts.’
Ismiled.
‘It’snotthateasy.We’reallwhatwewere.’
‘Nowe’renot.We’rewhatwewantourselvestobe.Don’tyougetthatyet?’
‘I’mnotfree,Lisa.’
Shekissedme,butthesummerwindhadpassed,andcloudsfellacrossagreyfieldofflowersinhereyes.
‘I’llstarttheshowerforyou,’shesaid,jumpingfromthebedandrunningtowardthebathroom.
‘Look,thisisnobigdeal,gettingthisguyouttathelock-up,’Isaid,passingheronmywayintothebathroom.
‘Iknow,’shesaidflatly.
‘Youstillwanttomeetup?Latertoday?’
‘Ofcourse.’
Isteppedintothebathroomandstoodunderthecoldshower.
‘Areyougonnatellmewhatit’sallabout?’Icalledouttoher.‘Orisitstillabigsecret?’
‘It’snotasecret,it’sasurprise,’shesaidsoftly,standinginthedoorway.
‘Fairenough,’Ilaughed.‘Wheredoyouwantmeforthissurprise,andwhen?’
‘BeoutsidetheMahesh,onNarimanPoint,atfivethirty.You’realwayslate,somakefourthirtythetimeinyourhead,andyou’llbeontimeatfivethirty.’
‘Gotit.’
‘You’llbethere,right?’
‘Don’tworry.It’sallundercontrol.’
‘No,’shesaid,hersmilefallinglikerainfromleaves.‘It’snot.Nothingisundercontrol.’
Shewasright,ofcourse.Ididn’tunderstanditthen,asIwalkedbeneaththehigharchoftheColabapolicestation,butIcouldstillseehersorrowfulsmile,fallinglikesnowintoariver.
Iclimbedthefewstepsleadingtothewoodenverandathatcoveredthesideandrearoftheadministrationbuilding.Thecopondutyoutsidethesergeant’sofficeknewme.Hewaggedhishead,smiling,asheallowedmetopass.Hewasgladtoseeme.Iwasagoodpayer.
IgaveamocksalutetoLightningDilip,thedaytimedutysergeant.Hisbloateddrinker’sfacewasswollenwithsmotheredoutrage:hewasonadoubleshiftofbadtemper.Notagoodstart.
LightningDilipwasasadist.Iknewthat,becauseI’dbeenhisprisoner,afewyearsbefore.He’dbeatenmethen,feedinghissadhungerwithmyhelplessness.Andhewantedtodoitagainashestaredatthebruisesonmyface,hislipstremorsofanticipation.
Butthingshadchangedinmyworld,ifnotinhis.IworkedfortheSanjayCompany,andthegrouppouredalotofliquidassetsintothepolicestation.Itwastoomuchmoneytoriskonhisdefectivedesires.
Allowinghimselfthesemblanceofasmile,hetiltedhisheadinalittleupwardnod:What’sup?
‘Isthebossin?’Iasked.
Thesmileshowedteeth.DilipknewthatifIdealtwithhisboss,thesub-inspector,thetrickle-downofanybribeI’dpaywouldbarelydryhissweatypalm.
‘Thesub-inspectorisaverybusyman.IstheresomethingthatIcandoforyou?’
‘Well…’Ireplied,glancingaroundatthecopsintheoffice.
Theyweredoinganunconvincingjobofpretendingnottolisten.Tobefairtothem,pretendingnottolistenisn’tsomethingwegetalotofpracticeatinIndia.
‘Santosh!Getussomechai!’DilipgruntedinMarathi.‘Makefresh,yaar!Youlot!Goandchecktheunderbarrack!’
Theunderbarrackwasaground-floorfacilityattherearofthepolicecompound.Itwasusedtohouseviolentprisoners,andprisonerswhoviolentlyresistedbeingtortured.Theyoungcopslookedatoneanother,andthenoneofthemspoke.
‘But,sir,underbarrackisempty,sir.’
‘DidIaskyouiftherewasanyoneintheunderbarrack?’Dilipdemanded.
‘N-no,sir.’
‘ThendoasIsay,allofyou,andcheckitoutthoroughly!Now!’
‘Yes,sir!’theconstablesshouted,grabbingtheirsoftcapsandstumblingfromtheroom.
‘Youguysshouldhaveacodeorsomething,’Isuggested,whenthey’dgone.‘Mustgettedious,havingtoshoutthemoutofhere,everyhourorso.’
‘Veryfunny,’Dilipreplied.‘Gettothepoint,orgetthefuckout.I’vegotaheadache,andIwanttogiveittosomeone.’
Straightcopsareallalike;everycrookedcopiscorruptinhisownway.Theyalltakethemoney,butsomeacceptitreluctantly,othershungrily;someangrily,othersgenially;somejokeandsomesweatasifthey’rerunninguphill;somemakeitacontest,whileotherswanttobeyournewbestfriend.
Dilipwasthekindwhotookthemoneyresentfully,andtriedtomakeyoubleedforgivingittohim.Fortunately,likeallbullies,hewassusceptibletoflattery.
‘I’mgladyoucandealwiththispersonally,’Isaid.‘DealingwithPatilcantakeallday.Hedoesn’thaveyourfinesseforgettingthingsdonedecisivelyandquickly,fatafat,likelightning.Theydon’tcallyouLightningDilipfornothing.’
TheycalledhimLightningDilip,infact,becausehisshinyboots,lashingoutfromthedarknessofhisrage,alwaysstruckachainedmanwhenheleastexpectedit,andnevertwiceinexactlythesameplace.
‘Thatisverytrue,’Dilippreened,relaxinginhischair.‘WhatcanIdoforyou?’
‘There’saguyinyourlock-up,FarzadDaruwallabyname,I’dliketopayhisfine.’
‘Finesareimposedbythecourt,notbythepolice,’Dilipobserved,aslygrinwetonhislips.
‘Ofcourse,you’recompletelyright,’Ismiled,‘butamanofyourvisioncanseehowdealingwiththismatterinaforcefulfashion,righthereandnow,willsavethevaluabletimeofthecourt,andthepublicpurse.’
‘Whydoyouwantthisfellow?’
‘Oh,Icanthinkoffivethousandreasonswhy,’Ireplied,pullingapreparedwadofrupeenotesfrommypocket,andbeginningtocountthem.
‘Amanofvisioncouldthinkofmanymorereasonsthanthat,’Dilipfrowned.
Itwastoolate.Hewasalreadylookingatthemoney.
‘Lightning-ji,’Isaidsoftly,foldingthenotesoverdoubleandslidingthemacrossthedeskbeneaththecoverofmyhand.‘We’vebeendoingthisdanceforalmosttwoyearsnow,andwebothknowthatfivethousandreasonsisallI’dhavetogivethesub-inspectortomakeafull…explanation…ofmyinterest.I’dbegratefulifyou’dsavemethattrouble,andaccepttheexplanationpersonally.’
Santoshapproachedwiththetea,hisfootstepsthumpingonthefloorboardsofthewoodenveranda.LightningDilipflashedhishandouttocovermine.Iletmyhandslidebackacrossthedesk.Dilip’shandslitheredthenotestohissideofthedesk,andintohispocket.
‘Thecollegeman,’DilipsaidtoSantosh,astheyoungconstableplacedtheteainfrontofus.‘Theonewebroughtinfromthenightclub,latelastnight.Bringhimhere.’
‘Yes,sir,’Santoshreplied,hurryingfromtheroom.
Theyoungcopsreturnedtotheoffice,butDilipstoppedthemwithanupturnedhand.
‘Whatareyoudoinghere?’
‘We…wecheckedtheunderbarrack,sir,justasyousaid.Allisinorder.Andwesawthatyouorderedchai,sowethoughtwemight…’
‘Checkitagain!’LightningDilipsnapped,turninghisattentionbacktome.
Theyoungcopsstaredatme,thenshruggedandslouchedoutoftheofficeagain.
‘IsthereanythingelseIcanhelpyouwith?’Dilipaskedsarcastically.
‘Matteroffact,thereis.Haveyouheardanythingaboutamanwithsnow-whitehair,andwearingadarkbluesuit,askingquestionsonthestreethereinColabaduringthelasttwoweeks?’
IwasthinkingoftheZodiacGeorgesandtheirmysteriousstalker.IfDiliphadanyinformationonthemanwhowasaskingaboutthem,it’dbeworthbuying.
‘Abluesuit,andwhitehair?’hemused.‘AndifIdidseesuchaman?’
‘IcanthinkofathousandreasonswhyI’dliketoknowabouthim.’
Hesmiled.Itookthemoneyfrommypocketandslidithalfwayacrossthedesk,asbefore,underthecoverofmyhand.
‘AndIthinkthosereasons,’hesmiled,‘shouldleadyoutoseeMrWilson,attheMaheshhotel.’
Hereachedouttocovermyhandwithhis.Ihesitated.
‘Whoishe?Whatdidhewant?’
‘He’slookingforsomeone.Morethanthat,hewouldnottellme.’
Iletmyhandslidebackwards.Hetookthemoney.
‘Didyouhelphimfindsomeone?’
‘Hewouldn’tprovidemewithasufficientexplanation,soIthrewhimoutofhere.’
‘Ifhe–’Ibegan,butjustthenSantoshenteredtheofficewithFarzad.
TheyoungParsiforgerwasunbloodiedbutsignificantlybowed.Hiseyeswerewidewithfear,andhischestwasrisingandfallingquicklyinshudderinglittlebreaths.I’veseenthelookmanytimes:thelookofamanwhothinkshe’sabouttogetabeating.Thenhesawme,hisfacebrightened,andherushedtowardme.
‘Hey,man,amIgladtoseeyou!I–’
Istood,cuttinghimoff,myhandonhischest.
‘Takeiteasy,’Isaidquickly,worriedthathemightsaysomethingIdidn’twantLightningDiliptohear.‘Giveyourrespecttothesergeant,andlet’sgetouttahere.’
‘Sergeant-ji,’Farzadsaid,hispalmspressedtogether,‘thankyousovery,verymuchforyourkindnessandgenerosity.’
Dilipleanedbackinhischair.
‘Fuckoff!’hesaid.‘Anddon’tcomeback!’
IpulledFarzadbythesleeve,dragginghimwithmeoutoftheofficeandthroughthewidegatetothestreet.
Onthefootpath,afewstepsfromtheentrancearch,Ilittwocig-arettes,andgaveonetotheyoungforger.
‘Whathappened?’
‘Iwasalittle,well,actually,Iwasalotdrunklastnight.TherewasthisgreatpartyattheDrumBeat.Itwasdeadly,man.Youshould’veseenme.Idancedlikeamotherfucker.Countonit.’
‘I’mcountingonanexplanationforwhyIhadtogetoutofacomfortablebed,atsixo’clockinthemorning,tohearaboutyoudancinglikeamotherfucker.’
‘Yeah,ofcourse.Sorry.Well,see,thecopscametoclosetheplacedown,ataboutone,asusual.Somebodyobjected,andmadeafuss.IguessIgotcaughtupinallthetamasha,andstartedgivingthecopssomecheekyremarks.’
‘Cheeky?’
‘Oh,yeah.I’mknownformycheekyremarks.’
‘That’snotsomethingagrownmanboastsabout,Farzad.’
‘No,really!I’mknownformy–’
‘Howcheekyarewetalking?’
‘Therewasthisveryfatcop.IcalledhimConstableThree-Pigs-Fucking.Andanotherone,Isaidhewasstupiderthanamonkey’spetcoconut.AndIsaid–’
‘Igotit.Getonwithit.’
‘Well,thenextthingIknewIwasontheground.Itripped,orsomebodypushedme.AndwhileIwasdown,bam,somebodykicksmeinthebackofthehead.Oneshot,butitwasenoughtoputmeout.’
‘LightningDilip,workingdoubleduty.’
‘Yes,itwas.Thatsergeantmotherfucker.Anyway,IwokeupinthebackofthepolicejeepwithLightningDilip’sfootonmychest,andthentheythrewmeinthecells.Theywouldn’tletmemakeaphonecall,becauseofallthose–’
‘Cheekyremarks.’
‘Yeah.Canyoubelievethat?IthoughtIwasgonnabeintherethewholeday,andwithacoupleofrough-and-readypastingstogoalong.HowdidyoufindoutIwasthere?’
‘TheCompanypaysalltheguyswhocleanthecells.That’showwekeepourguyssuppliedwhenthey’relockeduphere.Oneofthemgotalookatyou,andcalledhiscontact.Theycalledme.’
‘I’msofuckinggladyoucame,man.Thatwasmyfirsttimeintheslammer.Anothernightintherewould’vebeentheendofme.Countonit.’
‘Sanjay’snotgonnabehappyaboutthis.Hespendsalotofmoneykeepingalidonthisward.You’regonnahavetobuyhimanewhat.’
‘I…I…but,doyouknow…whatsizeishishead?’heasked,desperatelyworried.‘I’veonlyseenhimtheonetime,and,bymyrecollection,hisheadlooked,nodisrespect,alittleonthebigside.’
‘Hedoesn’twearahat.’
‘But…yousaid–’
‘Iwaskidding.Butonlyaboutthehat.’
‘I…I’msosorry.Ireallyfuckedupbadly.It…itwon’thappenagain.Canyou,maybe,putinagoodwordformewithSanjay?’
Iwasstilllaughingwhenataxipulledupbesideus.NaveenAdairgotoutofthetaxiandreachedbackthroughthewindowtopaythedriver.Openingthebackdoor,hehelpedabeautifulyoungwomanoutofthecab.Heturnedandsawme.
‘Lin!Damngoodtoseeyou,man.Whatbringsyouhere?’
‘Sixthousandreasons,’Ireplied,staringatthegirl.
Herfacewasfamiliar,butIcouldn’tplaceit.
‘Oh,’Naveensaid,‘thisisDivya.DivyaDevnani.’
DivyaDevnani,daughterofoneofBombay’srichestmen.Photographsofhershort,athleticallyfitbody,drapedinexpensivedesignerdresses,claimedeye-linepositionsinthecoverageofeveryA-listeventinthecity.
Andthat’swhathadthrownme:theunglamorousclothessheworeonthatmorning.ThesimpleblueT-shirt,lapisbeadnecklaceandjeansweren’tfromthatotherworld,inwhichshewasborntorule.Itwasthegirlinthewomanstandinginfrontofme,notthewomanonthepage.
‘Pleasedtomeetyou,’Isaid.
‘Gotanyhash?’shedemanded.
IflickedaglanceatNaveen.
‘It’salongstory,’hesighed.
‘No,it’snot,’shecontradictedhim.‘Mydad,MukeshDevnani–you’veheardofMukeshDevnani,Itakeit?’
‘He’sthatguywiththecrazydaughterwhosolicitsdrugsoutsidepolicestations,isn’the?’
‘Funny,’shesaid.‘Carefulnow,I’mgoingtopeeinmypants.’
‘Youweregonnatellmewhyit’snotalongstory,’Iprompted.
‘Idon’twanttotellyou,now,’shesulked.
‘HerfatherhiredalawyerIknow–’Naveenbegan.
‘Whothenhiredthisguy,’shequicklycutin,‘tobemybodyguard,foracoupleofweeks.’
‘I’dsayyou’reinverygoodhands.’
‘Thankyou,’Naveensaid.
‘Fuckyou,’shesaid.
‘Nicemeetingyou,’Isaid.‘Solong,Naveen.’
‘AndallbecauseIgetmixedupwiththisBollywoodwannabemoviestar,’Divyacontinued,ignoringme,‘Imean,notevenarealmoviestar,justawannabe,forfuck’ssake.Andhe’ssuchafuckingjerk,hestartstothreatenmewhenIrefusetogooutwithhim.Canyoubelievethat?’
‘It’sajungleoutthere,’Ismiled.
‘You’retellingme,’shesaid.‘Haveyougotanyhash,ornot?’
‘Ihave!’Farzadsaidquickly.‘Countonit!’
Weturnedtostareathim.
Hereacheddownintothefrontofhispants,fiddledthereforawhile,andpulledhishandouttorevealaten-gramblockofKashmirihashish,wrappedinclearplastic.
‘There,’hesaid,offeringittoDivya.‘It’sallyours.Pleaseacceptitas…asagift,like.’
Divya’slipspeeledalemonofhorror.
‘Didyoujustpullthatthing…outofyourunderpants?’sheasked,gaggingalittle.
‘Er…yes…but…Ichangedmyunderpantsonlyyesterdaynight.Countonit!’
‘Whothefuckisthisguy?’DivyademandedofNaveen.
‘He’swithme,’Isaid.
‘I’msorry!’Farzadsaid,beginningtoputthehashinhispocket.‘Ididn’tmeanto–’
‘Stop!Whatareyoudoing?’
‘But…Ithoughtyou–’
‘Peeltheplasticoffit,’shecommanded.‘Andthendon’ttouchit.Justleaveitinyourhand,ontheopenplastic.Don’ttouchitwithyourfingers.Anddon’ttouchme.Don’teventhinkabouttouchingme.Believeme,I’llknowit,ifyoudo.Amindlikeyours,it’satoytome.It’satoytoanywoman.So,don’tthinkaboutme.Andgimmethefuckin’hashalready,youchudh.’
Farzadbegantounwraptheblockofhashish,hisfingerstrembling.Heglancedatthepetitesocialite.
‘You’rethinking!’Divyawarned.
‘No!’Farzadprotested.‘I’mnot!’
‘You’redisgusting.’
Farzadfinallysucceededinunwrappingtheparcel,leavingthehashishexposedonhispalm.Divyapickeditupbetweenforefingerandthumb,brokeoffalittlepiece,anddroppedtherestofitintothesilverfish-mouthofherpurse.
Shetookoutacigarette,squeezedsometobaccooutoftheendofit,andplacedthelittlepieceofhashintotheblankend.Sheputthecig-arettebetweenherlips,andturnedtoNaveenforalight.Hehesitated.
‘Youthinkthisisagoodidea?’
‘I’mnotgoingintheretotalktothecopsunlessIhaveasmoke,’shesaid.‘Idon’teventalktothedownstairsmaiduntiltheupstairsmaidhasgivenmeasmoke.’
Naveenlitthecigarette.Shepuffedatit,heldthesmokeinherlungsforafewmoments,andthenletoutasolidstreamofsmoke.Naveenturnedtome.
‘Herfatherfiledacomplaintagainstthewannabeactor,beforeIcamealong,’Naveensaid.‘Theactoractedheavy.Ipaidtheactoravisit.Wetalked.Heagreedtobackoff,andtostaybackedoff.Nowweneedtoliftthecomplaint,butshehastodoitinperson.Iwanttogetitdoneearly,beforeanyreportersgetontoit,and–’
‘Let’sfuckinggo,already!’Divyasnapped,grindingoutthecigaretteunderthesoleofhershoe.
Naveenshookmyhand.Ihelditfirmlyforamoment.
‘TheguyfollowingtheZodiacGeorges,’Isaid.‘Hisname’sWilson,registeredat–’
‘TheMahesh,’Naveenfinishedforme.‘Iknow.Inallthis,Iforgottotellyou.Itrackedhimdownlastnight.Howdidyoufindout?’
‘Hecamehere,lookingforinformation.’
‘Didhegetany?’
‘Dilip,thedutysergeant–doyouknowhim?’
‘Yeah.LightningDilip.We’vegotalittlehistory.’
‘HesaysMrWilsonwouldn’tpay,sohethrewhimout.’
‘Youbelievehim?’
‘Notusually.’
‘YouwantmetogoseethisWilson?’
‘Notyet.Notwithoutme.Checkhimout.Findoutwhatyoucanabouthim.Getbacktome,okay?’
‘Thik,’Naveensmiled.‘I’llgetonit,and–’
‘ThisisthefuckinglongestI’veeverstoodup,’Divyainterruptedangrily,‘onmylegs,forGod’ssake,inthesamefuckingplace,forGod’ssake,inmywholefuckinglife!Doyouthinkwecangetonwithitnow?’
Naveensmiledagoodbye,andescortedthepoorlittlerichgirlthroughthearchedgate.
‘It’sFarzad!’Farzadcalledafterher.‘Myname’sFarzad!’
Whenhelostsightofher,theyoungParsiturnedtome,grinningwidely.
‘Damnitalltohell,yaar!Whatabeautifulgirl!Andsuchanicenature!Someofthosesuper-mega-richgirls,theycanbeverystuck-upandall,soI’veheard.Butshe’ssonatural,andshe’s–’
‘Willyoucutitout!’
Heopenedhismouthtoprotest,butthewordswitheredwhenhesawmyexpression
‘Sorry,’hesaidbashfully.‘But…didyouseethecolourofhereyes!Oh,myGod!Likebitsofshiningstuff,youknow,dippedinsomething…really,reallyfullof…reallylovelystuff,likeabucketof…loveliness…honey.’
‘Please,Farzad.Ihaven’thadmybreakfast.’
‘Sorry,Lin.Hey,that’sit!Havebreakfast!Canyoucometomyplace?Canyoucomehomewithme,now?Youpromisedtocomethisweek!’
‘That’sgonnabeano,Farzad.’
‘Pleasecome!IhavetoseemyMomandPop,takemybathandchangemyclothesbeforeIgotowork.Comewithme.They’llstillbehavingbreakfastathome,someofthem,andthey’dlovetomeetyou.Especiallyafteryousavedmylife,andall.’
‘Ididn’tsaveyour–’
‘Please,baba!Trustme,believeme,they’rewaitingtomeetyou,andit’sveryimportantthatyoucome,andyou’llfinditdamninterestingatmyhouse!’
‘Look,I–’
‘Please!Please,Lin!’
Fourmotorcyclespulleduphardbesideus.TheywereSanjayCompanymen.TheleaderofthegroupwasRavi,ayoungsoldierinAbdullah’senforcementgroup.
‘Hey,Lin,’Ravisaid,hiseyesbehindmercurylensmirrors.‘WeheardsomeScorpionsarehavingbreakfastatoneofourplacesintheFort.We’reallheadingtheretokicktheshitoutofthem.Wannacomealong?’
IglancedatFarzad.
‘I’vealreadygotabreakfastdate,’Isaid.
‘Really?’Farzadsaid.
‘Okay,Lin,’Ravisaid,puttinghisbikeingear.‘I’llbringyoubackasouvenir.’
‘Pleasedon’t,’Isaid,buthewasalreadyridingaway.
TheFortareawasonlyathirty-minutewalkfromwherewewerestanding,androughlythesamedistancefromSanjay’smansion.IftheScorpionswerereallyprovokingafightsoclosetohome,thewarthatSanjayhadtriedtodealawaywasalreadyonhisdoorstep.
‘Doyouthinktheymighttakemewiththem,oneofthesedays?’Farzadasked,watchingthefourmotorcyclesvanishinthetraffic.‘Itwouldbesocool,tokicksomeasswiththem.’
Ilookedattheyoungforger,who’dbeenkickedunconsciousthenightbeforebutwasalreadythinkingofkickingsomeoneelse.Itwasn’tcrueltyorcallousness:Farzad’sviolentfantasyofbrotherhoodandbloodwasaboy’sbravado.Hewasnogangster.Afterjustafewhoursinthecells,hewasalreadybreakingdown.Hewasagoodkid,inabadCompany.
‘Ifyouevergowiththem,andIcometohearaboutit,’Isaid,‘I’llkickyourassmyself.’
Hethoughtaboutitforamoment.
‘Areyoustillcomingtobreakfast,please?’
‘Countonit,’Isaid,puttinganarmaroundhisshoulder,andleadinghimtomybike.ChapterFifteen
Bombay,evennow,isacityofwords.Everyonetalks,everywhere,andallthetime.Driversaskotherdriversfordirections,strangerstalktostrangers,copstalktocriminals,LefttalkstoRight,andifyouwantaletterorparceldelivered,youhavetoincludeafewwordsaboutalandmarkintheaddress:oppositetheHeeraPanna,ornearbytoCopperChimney.AndwordsinBombay,evenlittlewordslikeplease,pleasecome,stillhaveadventuresattached,likesails.
FarzadrodepillionwithmefortheshorttriptotheColabaBackBay,nearCuffeParade,pointingouthisfavouriteplaces.Helikedtotalk,thatkid,andstartedthreestoriesinspiredbyplaceswepassed,butdidn’tfinishanyofthem.
Whenweparkedoutsidehisparents’homeIlookedupatahugehouse,atleastthreestoreyshigh,withgabledattics.Theimpressive,triple-frontedhousewasoneofthreebetweenstreetsoneitherside,formingasmallinner-cityblock.
Joinedtothesimilarhomesoneitherside,theDaruwallamansionpresentedafa?adethatweSouthBombaypartisanslove:thearchitecturalflourishesinheritedfromtheBritishRaj,castinlocalgraniteandsandstonebyIndianartists.
Thewindowsboastedstained-glassembellishments,decorativestonearches,andwrought-ironsecurityspirals,sproutingelegantmetalvineleaftraceries.Afloweringhedgegaveprivacyandshadedthemorningsun.
Thewide,woodendoor,flankedbyRajasthanpillarsandadornedwithcomplexgeometriccarvings,swungopensilentlyasFarzadusedhiskeyandledmeintothevestibule.
Thehigh,marble-walledentryhallwasdecoratedwithgarlandsofflowerstrailingfromurnssetintoscallopedalcoves.Incensefilledtheairwiththescentofsandalwood.Directlyaheadofus,oppositethemaindoor,wasaceiling-highcurtainmadeofredvelvet.
‘Areyouready?’Farzadaskedtheatrically,hishandonthepartitionofthecurtains.
‘I’marmed,’Ismiled.‘Ifthat’swhatyoumean.’
Farzadpulledonehalfofthecurtainsaside,holdingitbackformetopass.Wewalkedonthroughadarkpassagewayandarrivedatasetoffoldingdoors.Farzadslidthepanelsback.Isteppedthrough.
ThevastspacebeyondthecorridorwassohighthatIcouldonlyvaguelymakeoutthedetailofitssunlituppermostreaches,andthewidthclearlyencompassedafargreaterspacethanFarzad’shomealone.
Atgroundlevel,twolongtableshadbeensetforbreakfast,withperhapsfifteenplacesettingsateachtable.Severalmen,womenandchildrenweresittingthere.
Whatappearedtobetwofullyequippedkitchens,opentoview,formedtheleftandrightboundariesofthegroundfloor.Beyondthem,doorsatthebackandsidesofthevastchamberledtootherclosedrooms.
Myeyesrovedtotheupperfloors.Laddersledtohead-heightwalkways.Laddersfromthosewoodenpathwaysledtostillhigherboardwalks,supportedonbambooscaffolding.Severalmenandwomenchippedorscrapedatthewallsserenely,hereandthereonthewalkways.
Apartinginthemonsooncloudsentsunlightspillingfromhighturretwindows.Thewholespacewassuddenlyatopaz-yellowlucency.Itwaslikeacathedral,withoutthefear.
‘Farzad!’awomanscreamed,andeveryheadturned.
‘Hi,Mom!’Farzadsaid,hishandonmyshoulder.
‘Hi,Mom?’sheyelled.‘I’lltakeyourHi,Mom,andbeatyoublackandbluewithit.Wherehaveyoubeen?’
Otherscametojoinus.
‘I’vebroughtLin,’Farzadsaid,hopingitmighthelphiscause.
‘Oh,Farzad,myson,’shesobbed,pullinghimtoherinasuffocatingembrace.
Justasswiftlyshepushedhimawayandslappedhisface.
‘Ow!Mom!’Farzadpleaded,rubbinghisface.
Farzad’sMotherwasinherfifties.Shewasshort,withashapelyfigureandaneat,gaminehaircutthatsuitedhersoftfeatures.Sheworeafloralapronoverherstripeddress,andastringofwell-matchedpearlsatherneck.
‘Whatareyoudoing,youwickedboy?’shedemanded.‘Areyouworkingforthehospitalsnow,drumminguptradeforthosedoctorsbygivingeverybodyathis-thing?’
‘Heartattack,’agrey-hairedmanIguessedtobeherhusbandhelpedher.
‘Yes,givingeverybodyathis-thing,’shesaid.
‘Mom,itwasn’tmy–’
‘So,you’reLin!’shesaid,cuttinghimoffandturningtofaceme.‘KekiUncle,mayhisspiritshineinoureyes,usedtotalkaboutyoualot.Didhementionme?Anahita?Hisniece?Farzad’smom?Arshan’swife?Hesaidyouwerequitetheonefortalkingphilosophy.Tellme,whatisyourtakeonthefreewillversusdeterminationdilemma?’
‘Givetheboyachancetorelax,Mother,’Farzad’sfathersaidasheshookmyhand.‘MynameisArshan.I’mverypleasedtomeetyou,Lin.’
HeturnedtoFarzadthen,fixinghimwithasternbutlovingfrown.
‘Andasforyou,youngman–’
‘Icanexplain,Pop!I–’
‘Youcanexplainmyhandacrossyourbackside!’Anahitagrowled.‘Youcanexplainhowweworriedsomuchwedidn’tgetawink’sworthofsleepthewholenight?Youcanexplainhowyourpoorfatherwasroamingontheroadattwoo’clockinthemorning,lookingforyou,becausemaybeawatertruckranoveryouandleftyoucruncheduplikescrambledeggsinaditch?’
‘Mom–’
‘Doyouknowhowmanyditchesthereareinthisarea?Thisisthepeakareaforditches.Andyourfathersearchedthrougheveryoneofthem,lookingforyourscrambledeggscorpse.Andyouhavetheshamelessnesstostandhere,infrontofus,withoutascratchonyourmiserablehide?’
‘Youmightatleastbelimping,’ayoungmansaidasheapproachedustoshakehandswithFarzad.‘Orslightlydisfigured,na?’
‘ThisismyfriendAli,’Farzadsaid,exchangingapenitentsmilewiththeyoungman,whowashistwininheightandweight,andseemedtoberoughlythesameage.
‘Salaamaleikum,’Isaid.
‘Waaleikumsalaam,Lin,’Alisaid,shakinghands.‘Welcometothedreamfactory.’
‘Lingotmeoutofjailthismorning,’Farzadannounced.
‘Jail!’Anahitashrieked.‘Betteryoushouldhavebeeninoneofthoseditches,withyourpoorfather.’
‘Well,he’shomenow,Mother,’Arshansaid,gentlypushingustowardthetablesontheleftsideofthehugeroom.‘AndI’llbettheseboysarebothveryhungry.’
‘Starving,Pop!’Farzadsaid,movingtotakeaplaceatthetable.
‘Noyoudon’t!’awomancountered,tuggingatFarzad’ssleeve.
Shewaswearingacolourfulsalwarkameezofpalegreentaperedtrousersandaflowingyellow-orangetunic.‘Notwiththosehandsfullofjailgerms!Whoknowswhatdiseasesyou’reinfestinguswith,evenaswespeak.Washyourhands!’
‘Youheardher!’Anahitasaid.‘Washyourhands!Andyou,too,Lin.Hemighthaveinfectedyouwithhisjailgerms.’
‘Yes,ma’am.’
‘Ihavetowarnyouinadvance,though,’shecautioned.‘Ileantowardsdeterminism,andI’mreadytorollmysleevesup,ifyou’reafreewillman.’
‘Yes,ma’am.’
‘AndIdon’tpullmypunches,’sheadded.‘Notwhenitcomestophilosophy.’
‘Yes,ma’am.’
Wewashedourhandsatasinkintheopenkitchen,andthensatdownatthelongtableontheleft-handsideofthehugeroom.Thewomaninthesalwarkameezimmediatelyserveduswithbowlsofmeatinfragrantgravy.
‘Havesomemuttonnow,youyoungfellows,’shesaid,seizingthemomenttopinchFarzad’scheekbetweenherfingers.‘You’reanaughty,naughtyboy!’
‘Youdon’tevenknowwhatI’vedone!’Farzadprotested.
‘Idon’tneedtoknowanysuchthing,’thewomanaverred,givinghischeekanothermutilatingtwist.‘Youarealwaysanaughty,naughtyboy,nomatterwhatyou’redoing.Evenwhenyou’redoinggoodthings,you’renaughtyalso,isn’titso?’
‘Andcheeky,’Iadded.
‘Oh,don’tgetmestartedoncheeky,’Anahitaagreed.
‘Thanks,Lin,’Farzadmuttered.
‘Don’tmentionit.’
ThewomaninthesalwartunictwistedonemorebruiseintoFarzad’scheek.
‘You’reacheeky,cheeky,cheekyboy.’
‘ThisisZaheeraAuntie,’Farzadsaid,rubbinghisface.‘Ali’smom.’
‘Ifyouhaveatasteforpurevegetarian,’anotherwoman,wearingapalebluesari,suggestedbrightly,‘youmightliketotrythisdaalroti.It’sfresh.Madefromjustnow.’
Sheplacedtwosmallbowlsofthesaffron-coloureddaalonthetable,andunwrappedanapkinoffreshlycookedrotis.
‘Eat!Eat!’shecommanded.‘Don’tbeshy.’
‘ThisisJayaAuntie,’Farzadstage-whispered.‘It’skindofacompetitionbetweenZaheeraAuntieandJayaAuntieastowho’sthebestcook,andmyMomstaysoutofit.We’dbetterbediplomatic.I’llstartwiththemutton,andyoustartwiththedaal,okay?’
Wepulledthebowlsoffoodcloser,andbegantoeat.Itwasdelicious,andIatehungrily.Thetwowomenexchangedknowingglances,happywiththedrawnresult,andsatdownbesideus.
Afewadultsandchildrenjoinedusatthelongtable.Somecamefromtheground-floorapartments,whileothersclimbeddownfromtheinterconnectedcatwalkstostandnearus,orsitfurtheralongatthetable.
AsFarzadtookahungrybiteofhismuttoninmasalagravy,Anahitaapproachedfrombehindandsmackedhimonthebackofthehead,asswiftlyandunexpectedlyasLightningDilipmight’vedone.Allthechildrennearuslaughedandgiggled.
‘Ow!Mom!Whatdidyoudothatfor?’
‘Youshouldbeeatingstones!’shedeclared,wavingthesideofherhandathim.‘Stonesfromthoseditchesyourpoorfatherwassearching,insteadoftastymuttonchunkies.’
‘Thedaalisalsotasty,isn’tit?’JayaAuntieaskedme.
‘Oh,yes,’Isaidquickly.
‘Yourpoorfather,outthewholenightinthosebloodyditches.’
‘Enoughabouttheditches,Motherdear,’Farzad’sfathersaidgently.‘Lettheboytelluswhathappened.’
‘IwasattheDrumBeatlastnight,’Farzadbegan.
‘Oh!Whatmusicdidtheyplay?’aprettygirlofperhapsseventeenasked.
Shewassittingalittlewayalongthetable,andsheleanedintocatchFarzad’seye.
‘ThisisKareenaCousin,JayaAuntie’sdaughter,’Farzadsaid,withoutlookingather.‘Kareena,thisisLin.’
‘Hi,’shesaid,smilingshyly.
‘Hi,’Iansweredher.
Havingfinishedthebowlofvegetables,Igentlypusheditaway.ZaheeraAuntieimmediatelyshovedthesparebowlofmuttoninfrontofme,soclosethatitalmostfellintomylap.Igraspedthebowlwithbothhands.
‘Thanks.’
‘Goodmutton,’ZaheeraAuntieconfided,withawink.‘Goodforallofyourangersandsuch.’
‘Myangers.Yes,ma’am.Thanks.’
‘So,youwereattheDrumBeatnightclub,’Arshansaidquietly,‘whichIwarnedyouagainst,manyatime,son.’
‘Whatwarnings?’Anahitaasked,slappingFarzadonthebackofthehead.
‘Ow!Mom!Cutitout,yaar!’
‘Yourwarningsaredelicioustohim!Heeatsthemuplikesweeties.Yum,yum,yum!I’vetoldyou,operantconditioningistheonlythingthatworksonthisboy,butyou’resuchaSteinerfan.I’dsayyoursongotfairlySteineredlastnight,wouldn’tyou?’
‘Idon’tthinkyoucanblametheSteinerSchool,’Jayacutin.
‘Indeed,’Zaheeraagreed.‘Themethodologyisprettysound,na?MySuleimanwassayingonlylastnight–’
‘And,whileyouwereatthenightclub…’Arshanpromptedpatiently.
‘Well,’Farzadsaid,castingawaryeyeaboutforhisMother’shand.‘Therewasthispartyandall,andwe–’
‘Weretheydoinganynewdances?’Kareenaasked.‘DidtheyplaythemusicfromthenewMithunpicture?’
‘Icangetyouthatmusicthisafternoon,’Aliansweredhercasually,takingapieceofFarzad’sbreadandbitingoffachunk.‘Whateveryouwant.Evenstufffrommoviesthathaven’tcomeoutyet.’
‘Wow!’thegirlsighed.
‘Andwhileyouwereatthisclub,’Arshanpersistedresolutely.
‘AndwhileyouwereatthisSteinerSchoolnightclub,’Anahitainterrupted,raisingherhand,‘freeasabird,yourfatherwasintheditches!’
‘No,’Arshansaid,hispatienceasympatheticstring.‘I’mprettysuretheditchescamelater,sweetheart.So,whathappenedattheclub,thatputyouinjail?’
‘I’m…I’mnotsure,’Farzadsaid,frowning.‘Idranktoomuch.ThatI’llfreelyadmit.Andtherewasthisargument,whenthecopscametoclosetheplacedown.NextthingIknow,Iwaslyingontheground.Ifell,Ithink.Andthenthiscopkickedmeinthebackofthehead,rightwhereyoukeephittingme,Mom,andIpassedout.Iwokeupinthepolicejeep,andtheylockedmeup,withoutaphonecallorabyyourleave.SomebodytherecalledtheCompany,andtheycalledLin,andhecameandgotmeout.Hesavedmyhide.Countonit.’
‘That’sit?’Farzad’sMotherasked,contemptdrawingdownthecornersofhermouth.‘That’syourbigadventure?’
‘Ididn’tsayitwasabigadventure!’Farzadprotested,buthisMotherwasalreadygone,headedfortheopenkitchen.
‘Thankyou,Lin,forbringingourboyhometous,’Arshansaid,hishandrestingonmyforearmforamoment.
HeturnedhisattentionbacktoFarzadoncemore.
‘Letmegetthisstraight.Apolicemankickedyouinthehead,whileyouwereontheground.Kickedyousohardthatyoulostconsciousness?’
‘That’sright,Pop.Iwasn’tdoinganything.Iwastoodrunktodoanything.Iwasjustlyingthere,whereIfellover.’
‘Doyouknowthispoliceman’sname?’Arshanaskedthoughtfully.
‘LightningDilip,theycallhim.He’sadutysergeantattheColabalock-up.Why?’
‘Mydad’sgonnagonutsaboutthis!’Alisaid.‘He’llhavethisLightningDilip’sbadge.He’llbringtheentirelawfacultywithhim.’
‘Andmydadwillbringthemedicalfraternityonboard,’Kareenaadded,hereyesfierce.‘We’llhavethiscopkickedofftheforce.’
‘Absolutely!’Jayaagreed.‘Let’sgetstarted!’
‘CanIsaysomethinghere?’
Everyoneturnedtowardme.
‘IknowthisLightningDilipprettywell.Hedoesn’tbeargrudgeseasily.Hedoesn’tevenbearbribeseasily.’
Ipaused,feelingtheattentioninthegroup.
‘Goon,’Arshansaidsoftly.
‘Youcan’tbadgethiscop.Youcanmakehislifeveryunpleasantforawhile,andgethimmovedsomewhereforawhile,maybe,butyoucan’tbadgehim.Heknowstoomuchabouttoomanypeople.No-one’ssayinghedoesn’tdeserveit,butifyoumakehislifeunpleasant,soonerorlaterhe’llcomeback.Andwhenhecomesback,he’lldisturbyourhappinessagain.Probablyforever.’
‘Areyousayingweshouldn’tdoanythingaboutthis?’Aliasked.
‘I’msayingthatifyougoupagainstthisguy,bepreparedforawar.Don’tunderestimatehim.’
‘Iagree,’Arshansaidquietly.
‘What?’AliandJayaaskedtogether.
‘Farzadislucky.Lin’sright.Itcould’vebeenmuchworse.Andthelastthingweneed,rightnow,isasociopathicpolicemanonourdoorstep.’
‘Andoperantconditioningtakesanotherbeating,’Anahitasaid,returningfromthekitchen.‘WhatisitwithyouSteiners,andrunningaway?’
‘Don’tgotothatnightclubagain,Farzad,’Arshansaid,ignoringher.‘Doyouhearme?Iforbidyou.’
‘Yes,Pop,’Farzadsaid,hanginghishead.
‘Okay,’Arshansaid,standingtoclearthedishes.‘Areyoufinishedwiththese?’
HeandAnahitatookthedishestothenearkitchen,andreturnedbearingtwofreshbowlsandtwobottlesofsoftdrink.
‘Nicecustard,’Anahitasaid,droppingbowlsofsweetcustardinfrontofus.‘Tofillyourbloodwithsugar.’
‘AndRogersRaspberry,’Arshansaid,placingthecrimson-colouredsoftdrinkbottlesbesideourbowls.‘There’snotmanyproblemsinlifethatalong,coldglassofRogersRaspberrycan’tmakelookmuchrosier.Drinkup!’
‘Ilikewhatyou’vedonewiththeplace,’Iremarked.‘Who’syourdecorator?HarlanEllison?’
Farzadturnedtofacehisfather.
‘Hesavedmylife,Pop.Thefamiliesvoted.Ithinkthisisthetime.Whatdoyousay?’
‘Itseemsthatitis,’Arshanmurmured,glancingaroundattheEscheresquewebofladders,handmadestairsandcatwalksscalingupwardsaroundhiminthevast,half-bellchamber.
‘Isthatayes?’Farzadasked.
Arshanswunghislegacrossthebenchseatweweresittingon,andfacedmedirectly.
‘What’syourguessthatwe’redoinghere?’heasked.
‘Takingawildstabinthestep-ladder,I’dsayyou’relookingforsomething.’
‘Precisely,’Arshangrinned,showingarowofneat,small,perfectlywhiteteeth.‘IseewhyKekiUnclelikedyou.That’sexactlywhatwe’redoing.Allofthis,everythingyouseehere,isonegreatbigtreasurehunt,foraveryvaluabletreasurechest.’
‘Asin…apirate’streasurechest?’
‘Inaway,yes,’hereplied.‘Butamerchant’streasure–smaller,andmuchmorevaluable.’
‘Itmustbe,forallthisremodelling.’
‘Farzad,’Arshansaid.‘Getthelist.’
WhenFarzadleftus,hisfatherbegantoexplain.
‘Mygreat-grandfatherwasaverysuccessfulman.Heamassedaconsiderablefortune.Evenafterputtingmuchofhismoneyintocharitiesandpublicworks,intheParsitradition,hiswealthwasstillequaltothatofanyindustrialistormerchantofhisage.’
Farzadrejoinedus,sittingbesidemeonthelongbenchseat.Hepassedafoldedparchmentdocumenttohisfather.Arshan’shandrestedonthedocumentwhilehefinishedhisexplanation.
‘WhentheBritishcouldseethewritingonthewall,andtheyknewtheirruleherewascomingtoanend,theybegantoleaveBombay,someofthemingreathaste.ManyofthemostsuccessfulBritishbusinessmenandtheirwivesfearedthatafterindependencetherewouldbeaviolentbacklashagainstthem.Therewassomethingofamadscramble,inthelastweeksanddays.’
‘Andyourgreat-grandfatherwasintherightplace,attherighttime.’
‘Itwasprettywellknownthatmygreat-grandpahadloadsofun-declaredcashthathedidn’tkeepinbankaccounts,’Farzadsaid.
‘Moneythatwasneveradequatelyaccountedfor,’Arshanadded.
‘Andthatmissingcash,’Isaid,‘boughtstufffromthedepartingBritish.’
‘Exactly.FearingthattheIndianauthoritiesmightthinkthey’dstolenorlootedthejewelstheyhad,andwhoknows,maybesomeofthemdid,manyoftheBritishsoldofftheirjewelleryinadvance,forcash.Mygreat-grandfatherboughtaverylargequantityofthosejewelsinthelastmonthsbeforeindependence,andhehidthem–’
‘Somewhereinthishouse,’Iconcludedforhim.
Arshansighed,andallowedhisgazetoroamalongthecatwalksandconduitsthatwoundtheirwayaroundthewovenbasketofthechamber.
‘Buttherewasnocluewherethetreasurewashidden?’
‘Notaword,’Arshansighed,openingtheparchmentletter,andholdingitbetweenus.‘Thedocumentwefoundinanoldbookisveryspecificaboutthenumberandtypeofgems,andthefactthattheywerehiddensomewhere,eventodescribingthechesttheywerehiddenin,buttherewasnohintaboutexactlywhere.Mygreat-grandfatherownedallthreeofthehousesinthisblock,andinhistimehelivedandworkedinthemall.’
‘Soyoustartedlooking.’
‘Wesearchedtherooms,andallthefurniture.Weturnedeverythingover,lookingforsecretdrawers.Thenwesearchedthewallsforsecretpanels,orhiddenslidingdoors,orsuchlike.Whenwefoundnothing,weknewwehadtostartbreakingintothewalls.’
‘Westartedhere,onthejoiningwallsinourownhouse,’Anahitasaid,asKareenaplacedabonechinacupofchaiinfrontofme.‘Butthen,whenwestartedonthethis-thing–’
‘Thecommonwall,’Arshanhelpedher.
‘Yes,whenwestartedbreakingintothethis-thing,alotofstuffstartedfallingdowninsidethehouseofourneighbours,theKhans.’
‘Myfavouriteilluminatedclock,foronething,’Zaheerasaidruefully.‘Ithadawaterfall,youknow,soitlookedlikewaterwasfallingdownallthetime.Thenthewholeclockfelldown,anditsmashedintoamillionpieces.Ihaven’tfoundoneasgoodsince.’
‘Andwhenthingsstartedfallingdownintheirhouse,theKhanscamehere,askinguswhatweweredoing.’
‘Whichiswheremydadcamein,’Farzad’syoungfriend,Ali,said.
‘Literally,’Farzadjoked.
‘Ourtwofamilieshavebeencloseforever,’Alisaid.‘ArshanUncleandAnahitaAuntiedecidedtotellmydadexactlywhattheyweredoing,andtoinvitehimtojoininthehuntforthetreasure.’
‘Wethoughtthatmygreat-grandfathermighthavehiddentheboxofjewelsinsidethecommonwall,’Arshanadded.‘Therewerealotofrenovationsandchangesmadetothesehouses,inhistime,andtherewasnowayintothewallswithoutinvolvingtheKhans.’
‘MySuleimancamehomethatnight,aftervisitinghere,’ZaheeraAuntiesaid,‘andsatthewholefamilydownforameeting.Hetoldusaboutthetreasure,andtheinvitationtojoininthehunt,evenifitmeantbreakingdownthewallbetweenourtwohouses.Wewerealltalkingatonce,likecrazypeople!’
‘Itwasdamncool,’Aliadded.
‘Andarguingalso,’Zaheerasaid.‘Butafteralotofheart-to-heart,wedecidedtojoininthehuntforthetreasure,andwestartedbreakingdownthewalltheverynextday.’
‘Butthetreasurewasn’tinthere,’theprettygirl,Kareena,said.‘Notthatwe’vefoundsofar.Andthatbroughtmydadintothemela.’
‘ArshanandAnahitainvitedusinforatalk,’Jayaexplained,smilingattherecollection.‘Whenwegothere,wefoundalltheDaruwallasandalltheKhans,andallthebreaking-downinside.Thentheyinvitedustojoininwiththem,becausetheythoughtmaybethetreasurewasinsidethewallbetweenourtwohouses,ontheotherside.Andtosearchthroughtheupperfloors,theyneededcooperationfromus.Myhusband,Rahul,agreedrightthere,onthespot.He’smadforadventure.’
‘Heskis,’Kareenasaid.‘Inthesnow.’
Peopleshooktheirheadsinwonder.
‘Andyou’recompletelysurethistreasureisreallyhere?’
‘Countonit,’Farzadsaid.‘Whenwedidn’tfindthetreasureinthatwall,westartedworkingontheceilingsandfloorsbetweenusandtheroof.It’shere,andwe’llfindit.’
‘It’sakindofmadhouse,forsanepeople,’Kareenafinishedforhim.‘Withthreehappyfamilies,oneHindu,oneMuslimandoneParsi,alllivingtogetherinit.’
Thepeoplearoundme,membersofthreeextendedfamiliesfromthreefaiths,shruggedandsmiled.
‘There’snofirstandlasthere,’Arshansaidsoftly.‘We’reinthistogether.Weallagreedtosplitthetreasurethreeways,withequalsharestoeachfamily.’
‘Ifyoufindit,’Isaid.
‘Whenwefindit,’afewvoicescorrectedme.
‘Andthishasbeengoingonforhowlong?’
‘Nearlyfiveyearsnow,’Farzadanswered.‘Westartedrightafterwefoundtheparchment.TheKhanscameinayearafterthat,andtheMalhotrascameinaboutsixmonthslater.IwenttocollegeandWallStreetandbackagain,inthetimewe’vebeensearching.’
‘Butthisisn’tourrealjob,oranything,’KareenaMalhotrasaid.‘Mydad’sadoctor.Ali’spop,SuleimanUncle,teacheslawatBombayUniversity.ArshanUncleisanarchitect,whichishowwecandoallthisrenovation,withoutthewholethingfallingdown.Andwe’reallstudying,thoseofuswhodon’tworkfulltimeoutside,orwiththekidshereathome.’
‘Thetreasurehuntiswhatwedoatnightandholidays,mostly,’Aliadded.‘Orifwegetafreeday,likethisone,whereeverybodywassoworriedaboutFarzadbeingmissingallnight.Thanksfortheholiday,cuz.’
‘Anytime,’Farzadsmiled.
‘Andwehavetwokitchens,’Anahitadeclaredtriumphantly.‘Vegandnon-veg,sothere’snoproblem.’
‘Indeed,’JayaAuntiesaid.‘Really,youknow,alotofdifferencesbetweencommunitiescomedowntoghobiandgosht,cauliflowersandkebabs.Iftherearetwokitchens,everybodyeatsthefoodtheylike,andeverythingishunkyandthis-thing–’
‘Dory,’Anahitasaid,andthetwowomenexchangedsmiles.
‘Andwe’reallinthistogether,makeorbreak,’Aliadded,‘sowedon’thaveareasontoargue.’
‘Exceptforphilosophy,’Anahitacontradictedhim.
‘Asinterestingasthismysteryis–’Isaid,butFarzadcutmeoff.
‘Itoldyouitwouldbeinteresting,didn’tI?’
‘Ah…yeah.Butwestilldidn’tgettothepartwhereIknowwhyyou’retellingmeaboutallthis.’
‘Wehaveaproblem,’Arshansaidsimply,staringhisearnestfrowndirectlyintomyeyes.‘Andwewerehopingyouwouldhelpuswithit.’
‘Okay.Tellme.’
‘AninspectorfromtheCityCouncilcamehereafewweeksago,’Alisaid,‘andhegotalookinsideatsomeofthework.’
‘Hedoesn’tknowwhatwe’redoing,ofcourse,’Farzadadded.‘Wetoldhimwe’rerenovatingthehousestomakeapartments.’
‘Whatbroughthimhereinthefirstplace?’Iasked.
‘Wethinkitwasaneighbourdownthestreet,’Arshanexplained.‘Hesawustakingdeliveryofsomeheavysteelgirdersafewmonthsago.Weusethemtosupportthearches,whenwetakeoutsectionsofthewalls.’
‘Hetriedtobuyourhouseafewyearsback,’Anahitasaid.‘Therascallyfellowtriedeverytrickinthebooktomakeussell.Whenwerefused,hewasangrierthanascaldedcat.’
‘It’sbadlucktohurtacat,’Zaheerasaid,noddingsagely.
‘Youmean,eveninsimiles?’Anahitaaskedearnestly.
‘I’mjustsaying,onemustbeprudent,wherecatsareconcerned.Probablyeveninsimiles.’
Thewholegroupnodded.
Afterafewmomentsofsilence,Ispokeagain.
‘So…catsaside,youneedwhat,fromme?’
‘Planningpermits,’Arshansaid,comingbacktothemoment.‘TheCityCouncilofficialagreed,afteralotofnegotiation,toacceptabribetoletusgetonwiththe…renovations.Butheinsiststhatwegettheproperplanningpermitcertificates,ordamngoodcopies.’
‘Tocoverhisarse,’Alisaid.
‘Hecan’tfakethepermits,andhecan’tstealthem,’Farzadadded.‘Butifwecanfakethem,hepromisedthattheinvestigationwillendwithhim.’
‘Ifyoucanfakethemforus,Lin,’Arshancorrectedhim.
‘Yeah,ifyoucanfakethem,theinspectorwillsignoffonthem,andleaveusalonetosearchforthetreasure,likealways.Noproblem.Countonit.’
‘So,that’sit,’Arshansighed,restinghiselbowsonthelongtable.‘Ifyoucan’thelpus,we’llhavetostop.Ifyoucanhelpus,wecangoonuntilwefindthetreasure.’
‘Youcanmakethosedocumentsyourself,’IsaidtoFarzad.‘You’reprettygood.Youdon’tneedme.’
‘Thanksforthecompliment,’hegrinned,‘butthere’sacoupleofproblems.First,Idon’thaveanycontactsattheCityCouncil.Andsecond,theboysinthefactorywon’ttakeordersfrommeonajoblikethis,andthey’llprobablytellSanjayaboutit.Butyou,ontheotherhand…’
‘WhyamIalwaysontheotherhand?’
‘Youcandoitdiscreetly,orletmedoit,becauseyou’rethebossatthefactory,’Farzadsaid,pushingon.‘Withyourhelp,itcouldbedonewithoutanyonecomingtoknowaboutit.’
‘Youmightthinkthisisastrangequestion,’Isaid,glancingaroundattheexpectantfacesstaringatme,‘butit’sprobablyalotstrangernottoaskit.WhatmakesyouthinkIwon’thelpyouout,andthentellSanjayanyway?’
‘It’safairquestion,’Arshanallowed,‘andIhopeyouwon’tbeoffendedifItellyouit’snotthefirsttimeithasbeenraisedinthisroom.Thebottomlineisthatweneedyourhelp,andwebelievewecantrustyou.KekiUnclethoughtveryhighlyofyou.Hetoldus,manytimes,howyouwerewithKhaderbhaiattheend,andthatyouareamanofhonour.’
Theuseofthewordhonourstruckatmychest,especiallywhentheywereaskingmetoconcealsomethingfrommyboss,Sanjay.ButIlikedthem.IalreadylikedthemmorethanIlikedSanjay.AndSanjaywasrichenough.Hedidn’tneedapieceoftheirtreasure,iftheyeverfoundit.
‘I’llhaveyourpaperworkthisweek,’Isaid.‘I’lltellSanjayit’safavourtoafriend,whichitis.I’vedoneoff-the-booksjobsbefore.ButIwantittoendhere.Idon’twantthiscomingbacktomefromSanjay,Farzad.Areweclear?’
Thegroupofpeoplearoundmeburstintoapplauseandcheering.Severalofthemrushedforwardtopatmeontheback,hugme,andshakemyhand.
‘Thankyousomuch!’Arshansaid,smilinghappily.‘We’vebeensoworriedaboutthisCityCouncilthing.It’sthefirstrealchallengetowhatwe’vebeendoinghere.We…we’vecometoenjoythistreasurehuntingofours,andwe…well…Ithinkwe’dbeaslostasthetreasureis,ifthecouncilshutusdown.’
‘Andwe’renotexpectingyoutodothisfornothing,’Farzadadded.‘Tellhim,Pop!’
‘Ifyou’llacceptit,wewanttogiveyouonepercentofthetreasure,’Arshansaid.
‘Ifyoufindit,’Ismiled.
‘Whenwefindit,’severalvoicescorrectedme.
‘Whenyoufindit,’Iagreed.
‘Now,howaboutsomemoredaalroti?’Jayaasked.
‘Andsomechickenpieces,’Zaheerasuggested.
‘Andaniceeggandcurrysandwich,’Anahitaoffered,‘withalongglassofraspberry.’
‘No,no,thankyou,’Isaidquickly,steppingupandawayfromthetable.‘I’mstillcompletelyfull.Maybenexttime.’
‘Definitelynexttime,’Anahitasaid.
‘Sure,definitely.’
‘I’llseeyouout,’Farzadsaid,asImademywaytothelongcurtainclosingoffthefrontofthehouse.Thewholegroupwalkedwithustothedoor.
Isaidmygoodbyes,shakinghandsandexchanginghugs,andsteppedthroughthevestibuletothestreetbeyondwithFarzad.
Amonsoonshowerhadsoakedthestreet,buttheheavycloudshadpassed,andbrightsunshinesteamedthemoisturefromeverymirroredsurface.
Somehow,thatfirstglimpseofthestreetseemedstrangeandun-familiar,asiftheweirdmegacosmofcatwalksandcrawlspacesinthegiganticbell-chamberofFarzad’shousewastherealworld,andthegleaming,steamingstreetbeyondwastheillusion.
‘I…ah…Ihopemymixed-upfamilydidn’tfreakyouout,’Farzadmuttered.
‘Notatall.’
‘Youdon’tthink,youknow,it’sabit…crazy,na?Whatwe’redoing?’
‘Everybody’ssearchingforsomething.AndfromwhatIcansee,you’reallhappy.’
‘Weare,’heagreedquickly.
‘Whatkindofcrazypersondoesn’tlikehappy?’
Impulsively,theyoungParsireachedoutandhuggedmestiffly.
‘Youknow,Lin,’hesaid,aswepartedfromthehug,‘thereisactuallysomethingelseIwantedtoaskyou.’
‘Somethingelse,yet?’
‘Yes.Youknow,ifyouevergetthephonenumberofthatgirl,thatbeautifulgirlwiththelovelinessinhereyes,thatDivya,theonewemetoutsidethepolicestationthismorning,I–’
‘No.’
‘No?’
‘No.’
‘Reallyno?’
‘No.’
‘But–’
‘No,’Isaidgently,smilingathispuzzledfrown.
Heshookhishead,turned,andwalkedbackinsidethebuilding,thehive,thehome.Ifacedthesunandstoodforawhileontherain-scentedstreet.
Money’sadrugtoo,ofcourse,butIwasn’tworriedforFarzad’sextendedfamily.Theyweren’thooked.Notyet.They’dtorntheirhomesapart,trueenough,butthey’dreplacedthemwithacommonspaceofsharing.They’dturnedtheirlivesupsidedown,butitwasanadventure:avoyagewithinthemselves.Theymadesenseofthedreamtheylived.Itwasstillfun,forthem,andIlikedthemverymuchforit.
Iwasstanding,withmyfaceinthesunlight,lookingcalm,verycalm,andcrying,somewhereinside.Sometimesthesightofwhatyoulost,reflectedinanotherlove,istoomuch:toomuchofwhatwas,andisn’tanymore.
Family,home:littlewordsthatriselikeatollsinearthquakesoftheheart.Loss,loneliness:littlewordsthatfloodthevalleysofalone.
Intheislandofthepresent,Lisawasslippingaway,andaspellhadbeencastbythementionofaname:Karla.Karla.
It’safoolishthingtotrytolove,whentheoneyoureallylove,theoneyou’reborntolove,islostsomewhereinthesamesquarecircleofacity.It’sadesperate,foolishthingtotrytolovesomeoneatall.Lovedoesn’ttry:loveisimmediate,andinescapable.ThementionofKarla’snamewasfire,inside,andmyheartwouldn’tstopremindingme.
Wewerecastaways,KarlaandI,becausewewerecastout,bothofus.Lisaandalltheotherbrightpeopleweloved,ortriedtolove,werevolunteers,sailingtotheIslandCityondreams.KarlaandIcrawledontothesandfromshipswe’dsunkourselves.
Iwasabrokenthing.Iwasalonely,brokenthing.MaybeKarlawas,too,inherownway.
Ilookedatthedomedhouse:separateentrancesontheoutside,joinedlivesontheinside.Whethertheyfoundthetreasureornot,itwasalreadythatmarvel,thatmiracle,anansweredprayer.
Iturnedtothestorm-fadedsunlightagain,andrejoinedtheworldofexilesthatwasmyhome.ChapterSixteen
IswungthebikeawayfromFarzad’shouseandintothewide,dividedboulevardthatfollowedtheIslandCitycoastnorth.Denselypacked,soddenraincloudsclosedinoverhead,darkeningthestreet.
Ibegantopassawide,shelteredinlet,andsloweddown.
Longwoodenfishingboatspaintedvividblue,redandgreenhadbeendraggedontotheshoreformaintenancework.Thefishermen’ssimplehutsleanedintooneanother,theirplasticsheetcoveringssecuredtothecorrugatedroofsagainststormwindsbybricksandpiecesofbrokenconcrete.
Netswerestrungbetweenwoodenpoles.Menworkedonthem,threadingspoolsofnylonthroughholesandwovenloops.Childrenplayedonthesand,defyingthegatheringrainstorm,andchasedoneanotherbetweentheboatsandwebsofnetting.
Fromdawn,thelittlebaywasasmallbutimportantpartofthelocalfishingcommunity.Aftermidnightitwasasmallbutimportantpartofthelocalsmugglingcommunity,whousedfastboatstobringincigarettes,whiskey,currenciesanddrugs.
EverytimeIpassedthesandybeachIscannedit,lookingforfacesIknew,andsignsofillicittrade.Ihadnopersonalinterest:FaridtheFixeradministeredthebay,andtheprofitsandopportunitieswerehis.Itwasprofessionalcuriositythatdrewmyeye.
AllofusintheblackmarketkneweveryplaceinSouthBombaywherecrimeflourished,andallofussentadiscreet,searchingeyeintothem,everytimewepassed.Webeganincavesanddarkplaces,Didieroncesaid,andwecriminalsstillmissthemterribly
Iletmyeyesglancebacktothewidedividedroad,andsawthreemotorcyclespassmeontheotherside.TheywereScorpions.ThemanridinginthecentrewasDanda.IrecognisedoneotherasHanuman,thebigmanwho’dgivenmeaprofessionalbeatinginthewarehouse.
Istoppedmybike,shiftedintoneutralgear,andadjustedtherear-viewmirroruntilIcouldseethem.They’dstoppedatatrafficsignal,somewayinthedistancebehindme.AsIwatchedinthemirror,theytalked,argued,butthenswungtheirbikesaroundandcameafterme.Isighed,andhungmyheadforamoment.
Ididn’twanttofightthem,butIwasinmyownarea,andIdidn’twanttoleadthemintoanyoftheCompanyoperations.Andtooproudtorun,Ididn’twanttoletthemchasemeintothearmsofmyCompanyfriends,onlyafewstreetsaway.
Kickingthebikeintogear,Iletouttheclutch,rappedthethrottle,andspunthebikearoundinatightcircle.Gunningtheengine,IacceleratedtowardtheoncomingScorpions,onthewrongsideofthedividedroad.
Ihadnothingtolose.Therewerethreeofthem,andifthechargedidn’tgowellforme,Iwasintroubleanyway.I’dcomeoffmotor-cyclesbefore,andpreferredtotakemychanceswithanaccidentthanamassacre.Andmybikewasineverythingwithme,alltheway,asIwaswithher.
Theymust’vehadsomethingtolose,orlessloyalmotorcycles:atthelastmomenttheyturnedtheirbikesaside.
Twoofthemrattledawayintospirallingarcs,astheytriedtokeeptheirbikesundercontrol.Thethirdbikespunout,crashingintoaslideagainstawallatthesideoftheroad.
Ibrakedhard,whirlingthroughahalf-turn,onebootslidingonthewetroad,andthrewmybikeontotheside-stand,cuttingtheenginewiththekill-switch.
Thefallenriderstruggledtohisfeet.ItwasDanda,andmewithnoaftershave.Imethimwithleftandrightpunchesthatthrewhimbackwardsontotheground.
TheotherScorpionslettheirbikesfall,andranatme.Ifeltbadfortheirbikes.
Ducking,weavingandthrowingpuncheswhereIcould,IbattledthetwoScorpionsonthesideoftheroad,besidethetumbledscatteroftheirmotorcycles.Carsslowedontheroadastheypassed,butnonestopped.
Recoveringfromtheblows,Dandaranatus.Hestumbledpasthisfriendsandintome,graspingatmyvesttosteadyhimself.
Ilostmyfootingonthewetroadandfellbackwards.Dandalandedontopofme,growlinglikeananimal.
Hewasburrowinghisheadinnexttomine,tryingtobiteme.Ifelthismouthagainstmyneck,thewetnessofhistongue,andthebluntnubofhishead,ashestrainedtogetcloseenoughtoputhisteethonmythroat.
Hisfingerswerelockedinaclutchofmyvest.Icouldn’tthrowhimoff.TheothertwoScorpionskickedatme,tryingtolandblowsinthegapsbetweenDanda’sbodyandmine.Theymissed,andkickedDandaacoupleoftimes.Hedidn’tseemtonotice.
Ihadn’tbeenhurt,orevenproperlyhitbyanyone.Icouldfeelmytwoknivespressingagainstmybackontheground.Ihadapolicy.Ineverdrewtheknivesunlesstheothermanwasarmed,orifitbecameaquestionoflifeordeath.
Imanagedtorollover,wrestledawayDanda’sgriponmyvest,andstoodupquickly.Ishould’vestayeddown.Hanumanwasbehindme.Hewrappedanarmaroundmythroatfrombehind.Hispowerfularmbegantochokeoffmyair.
Dandarushedatmeagain,tryingtoburrowhisheadinclose.Hewasabiter.Iknewoneinprison:amanwhoseangersuddenlybecamebiting,untilpiecesweremissingfromanyoneheattacked.Avictimknockedhisteethout,leavingtherestofusinpeace,andIwasthinkingofdoingthesametoDanda.
Hewaspressedupcloseagainstme,hisheadtuckedinunderHanuman’sarm,histeethagainstmyarm.Icouldn’thithiminanyplacethatmightmakehimletgo.
Ireachedup,closedmyfingersaroundDanda’sear,andrippedatithard.Ifeltthewholeflapofhiseargiveway,tearingitselffromthesideofhishead.Whenhestoppedbiting,Istoppedripping.
Hescreamed,hurlinghimselfbackwards,clutchingatthebloodywound.
Shiftingmyhandaround,ItriedtoshoveitbetweenHanuman’sbodyandmine.Iwantedtoreachoneofmyknives,oroneofhisballs;eitheronewoulddo.
Thethirdmanrushedatme.Inhisfury,hebegantoslapatmyhead,standingtooclose.Ikickedhimintheballs.Hefellasifhe’dbeenshot.
Iclosedmyhandaroundthehiltofmyknife,asdarknessclosedahandaroundmythroat.Theknifewasfree.Itriedtostabthebigmanintheleg.Imissed.Theknifeslidawaytotheside.
Itriedagain.Imissed.Thenthebladefoundflesh,asmallcutontheouteredgeofHanuman’sthigh.Heflinched.
Itwasenoughtogetabearing.Istruckagainandrammedthebladeintothemeatofhisthigh.Thebigmanlurchedsuddenly,andIlostmygripontheknife.
Thearmdidn’tweaken.I’dfollowedmytraining,turningmychinintothecrookofhiselbowtolessenthechokingeffect.Itwasnouse.Iwasgoingunder.
Avoice,blurredandrumbling,seemedtobecallingmyname.ItwistedmyheadagainstthelockedmuscleandboneofHanuman’sarm.Iheardavoice.
‘Lookaway,now,boyo,’itsaid.
Isawsomething,afist,comingatmefromthesky.Itwashuge,thatfist,asbigastheworld.Butjustwhenitshould’vesmashedintomyfaceitstrucksomewhereelse,somewheresoclosethatIfelttheshudderofit.Andagainitstruck,andagain.
Andthearmaroundmyneckreleaseditsgrip,asHanumanfelltohiskneesandfloppedforward,hisheadmadeoflead.
Irolledandstood,shapingup,myfistsclosetomyface,coughingandbreathinghard.Iturnedtolookaroundme.ConcannonwasstandingnearthefallenHanuman,hisarmsfolded.
Hesmiledatme,andthennoddedhisheadinalittlewarning.
Iturnedquickly.ItwasDanda,allblood-streakedteeth,blood-streakedeyes,andblood-streakedear.Andmewithnoaftershave.
Heswungawildpunchtryingtoknockmeout.Hemissed.Isnappedafistatthegashwheretheraggedflapofhisearwashangingbyatongue-tipofskin.Hescreamed,anditrained.Suddenrainspilledandsplashedonus.
Dandaran,clutchingatthesideofhishead,rainrunningredintohisshirt.IturnedtoseeConcannonswingingakickattheotherdepartingScorpion.Themanyelped,andjoinedDanda,stumblingtowardastandoftaxis.
Hanumangroaned,wakenedbytherain.Hecrawledtohisknees,stoodunsteadily,andrealisedthathewasalone.Hehesitatedforamoment.
IturnedtolookatConcannonquickly.TheIrishmanwasgrinningwidely,allclenchedteeth.
‘Oh,Lord,’hesaidsoftly.‘Pleasemakethismantoostupidtorunaway.’
Hanumanlurchedaway,limpingafterhisfriends.
Myknifewaslyingintherain,stillbleedingintothebitumen.Somewaydownthewideroad,theScorpionstumbledintoataxiasitspedawayfromtherank.Ipickeduptheknife,cleanedit,closeditandsliditintothescabbard.
‘Fuckin’grandfight!’Concannonsaid,slappingmeontheshoulder.‘Let’sgetstoned.’
Ididn’twantto,butIowedhimthat,andmore.
‘Okay.’
Therewasachaishopbeneathaverylargetree,closetowherewestood.Ipushedmybikeundertheshelterofthetree.Acceptingaragfromthechaistallowner,Idriedthebikeoff.Whenthejobwasdone,Ibegantowalkbacktotheroad.
‘Wherethefuckareyougoin’?’
‘I’llbebackinaminute.’
‘We’rehavin’acivilisedcupoffuckin’teahere,youAustralianbarbarian.’
‘I’llbebackinaminute.’
TheabandonedScorpionmotorcycleswerestilllyingintherainbythesideoftheroad,leakingpetrolandoil.Ipickedthemup,stoodthemontheirstandsinthecoverofthestonewall,andreturnedtoConcannonastheteaarrived.
‘LuckyforyouIcamealong,’hesaid,sippingataglassofchai.
‘Iwasdoin’okay.’
‘Thefuckyouwere,’helaughed.
Ilookedathim.Whenaman’sright,he’sright.
‘ThefuckIwas,’Ilaughed.‘YoureallyareonemadIrishmotherfucker.Whatareyoudoinghere,anyway?’
‘Myfavouritehashshopusedtobenearhere,’hesaid,jerkinghisthumboverhisshoulderinthedirectionofCuffeParade.‘Butsomebodythrewafellaoffabuildingnextdoor,andhelandedrightontopoftheshop.AndontopofShiningPatel,theowner.’
‘Youdon’tsay.’
‘Theupsideisthatanotorioussingerwasalsohit,whichsavedmequiteabit.Iusedtopayhim,regularly.ItwastheonlywayIcouldgethimtostopsingin’.WherewasI?’
‘Youweretellingmewhatyou’redoinghere.’
‘Oh,soyathinkIwasfollowin’ya?Isthatit?’Concannonasked.‘Youmusthaveamightyhighopinionofyourself,boyo.I’mjustherebuyin’hash.’
‘Uh-huh.’
Sometimepassed.Itwasastrangelybroodingsilencebetweenmen,broodinginstrangelydifferentdirections.
‘Whydidyouhelpme?’
Helookedatmewithanexpressionthatseemedgenuinelyhurt.
‘Andwhythefuckwouldonewhitemannothelpanotherwhiteman,inafuckin’heathenplacelikethis?’
‘Thereyougoagain.’
‘Alright,alright,’hesaidquickly,puttingahandonmykneetocalmmedown.‘Iknowyou’vegotasoftheart.Iknowyou’reacompassionatesort.That’sthebeautyofya,andthereitis.You’veevengotcompassionformotorcycles,mayGodhavepityonyou.Butyoudon’tlikemyplaintalk.Youdon’tlikeitwhenamancallsaspadeaheathen,orafaggotamincer.’
‘Ithinkwe’redonehere,Concannon.’
‘Hearmeout,man.Iknowitoffendsyoursensibilities.Iunderstandthat.Itrulydo.Idon’tlikethataboutyou,andIdon’trespectit.I’llbestraightupaboutthat.Youcan’trespectkindness.Notreally.YouknowwhatI’mtalkin’about.You’vedonetimebehindthewall,ontheothersideofthings,asIhave.Butyou’reacompassionateman,eventhoughyou’remorelikemethanyouthink.’
‘Concannon–’
‘Wait.I’mnotfinished.Compassion’saverystrangething.Itcomesfromdeepinside.Peopleknowitwhentheyseeit,becauseyoucan’tfakeit.Iknow.I’vetried.Iwasterribleatit.Igotsick,whenItried.Ihadtogobacktobeingagenuine,uncaringcunt,justtogetwellagain.It’sgenuine,see,evenbeinganuncaringcunt,andI’mdrawntogenuinethings,evenifIdon’tlikethem.DoyouseewhatImean?’
‘Youdon’tknowmeatall,’Isaid,meetinghiseye.
‘Well,that’swhereyou’rewrong,’hesmiled.‘I’vebeeninBombayforawhile,youknow.AfewdaysafterIgothere,Iheardyournameinaconversationofunsavourytypesatanopiumden.ThenIhearditagain,twiceinquicksuccession.Atfirst,Ithoughtitwastwoforeignfellastheyweretalkin’about,untilIfiguredoutthatLinandShantaramwereoneandthesamebad-manneredmiscreant.You.’
‘Soyouwerefollowingme.’
‘Ididn’tsaythat.WhatIsaidwasthatIgotintrigued.Istartedaskingaboutyou.Imadeitmybusinesstogettoknowpeopleyouknow,andpeopleyoudobusinesswith.Ievenknowyourgirlfriend.’
‘What?’
‘Shedidn’ttellyathatshemetme?’
Hegrinned.Iwasbeginningnottolikethatgrin.
‘Iwonderwhyshedidn’ttellyou?Maybeshelikesme.’
‘Whatthefuckareyoutalkingabout?’
‘It’snobigdeal,’hesaid.‘Imetheratanartexhibition.’
Myraisedeyebrowprovokedhim.
‘Oh,what?BecauseI’mabiglumpofaNorthernIrishpotato-muncher,Ican’tbeinterestedinart?Isthatit?’
‘Gettothepoint.’
‘Thereisnopoint,boyo.ImetLisa–that’shername,right?–atanexhibition.Wetalked,that’sall.’
‘Why?’
‘Look,Ididn’tevenknowshewasyourgirlfriend,untiloneofherfriendsmentionedyourname,thenIputtwo-and-youtogether,sotospeak.Iswear.’
‘Keepawayfromher,Concannon.’
‘Why?Sheseemedtolikeme.Ithinkwehititoff,alittlebit.Icertainlylikedher.You’llhavetolethergo,oneofthesedays,butI’msureyoualreadyknowthat,don’tyou?’
‘That’sit,’Isaid,standing.
‘Waitaminute!’heimplored,standingwithmeandputtingahandgentlyonmyarm.‘Please.Idon’twanttofightyou,man.Ididn’t…Imean…I’mnottryin’toupsetyou.It’sjustmyway.Iknowit’sfuckedup.Ireallydo.ButIdon’tknowanyotherwaytobe.It’slikeIsaidbefore,aboutyou.Evenifyoudon’tlikeit,youhavetoseethatit’sgenuine.Thisiswhatmebeinggenuinelookslike.Itrulydon’tmeantohurtyourfeelings.AndItrulywouldliketotalk.’
Iresisted,staringbackathimandtryingtoreadhiseyes.Thepupilsweretiny:pinpointsvanishinginanice-bluetide.Ilookedaway.
Ontheroadnearby,atrafficwarden’struckpulledupbesidetheScorpiongangmotorcycles.Leapingfromtheback,theteamofliftersdraggedthemotorcyclestothesideofthetruck,thenhoistedthemontotheback,crammingthemupagainstothersthathadbeenseizedforparkingillegally.
ConcannonfollowedmygazeasIwatchedtheoperation.
‘IfIhadn’tcomealongwhenIdid,’hesaidsoftly,‘itmight’vebeenyourdeadbodybein’thrownontothebackofatruck.’
Hewasright.Ididn’tlikehim,andIwasprettysurethathewascrazy.Buthe’dsteppedinatexactlytherighttime,andhe’dsavedme.
Isatdownagain.Concannoncalledfortwomoreglassesofchai.Workingquickly,histhickfingersmadeasmalljoint.
‘Willyousmokewithme?’
Itookitandpuffeditalightasheheldthematchinthelanternofhiscuppedhands.Afteratime,Ipassedthejointbacktohim.
‘Seein’ashowyou’realwaysgettin’sooffended,andjumpin’up,andwantin’tofightwithmeorrunoffsomewhere,I’llcomestraighttothepoint,’hesaid,exhalingastreamofgrey-bluesmoke.
‘Thepointofwhat?’
‘I’mstartin’anewgang,andIwantyoutojoinme.’
Itwasmyturntolaugh.
‘What’ssofunny?’
‘Howabout…why?’
‘Whyagang?’heasked,passingbackthejoint.‘Theusual.Sowecanbuyguns,doalittlemenaceandmayhem,scarepeopleintogivingustruckloadsofmoney,spendthetruckloadsofmoney,anddieintheeffort.’
‘Dyingintheeffort?That’syoursalespitch?’
JustthenamannamedJibril,ahorse-breederfromthestablesinthenearbyslum,approachedme.Istoodtogreethim.
Hewasagentleman,shyandalittleuncomfortablespeakingwithhumanbeings,buttalkativeandlovingwhendealingwithhishorses.
Hiseldestdaughterhaddevelopedafeverafewweeksbeforethatday,andhadbecomedesperatelyill.Jibrilcalledme,andagreedtohavethegirlscreenedviawide-spectrumviraltoxicity.
I’dpaidforthetestingataprivateclinic,andthetestshadrevealedthatthegirlwassufferingfromleptospirosis,asometimesfataldiseasecarriedintheurineofrats.Becauseithadbeendetectedearly,thegirlwasrespondingwelltotreatment.
Holdingmyhandbetweenhis,Jibrilassuredmethathisdaughterwasfeelingmuchbetter,andinvitedmetotaketeawithhimandhisfamilyintheirhome.
Ithankedhiminreturn,andinvitedhimtojoinusforaglassofchai.Hedeclined,apologisingfortherefusal,andhurriedofftoanappointmentwithagrainmerchantwhosuppliedfeedforhishorses.
‘YouseewhatImean?’Concannonsaid,whenIsatdownagain.‘Thesepeoplelikeyou.Theydon’tlikeme.AndIdon’twantthemto.Idon’twanttoeattheirfood.Ihatetheirbloodyfood.Idon’twanttowatchtheirmovies.Idon’twanttospeaktheirfuckin’language.Butyoudo.Youunderstandthem.Youcommunicatewiththem,andtheyrespectyouforit.Thinkaboutit.We’llbeunbeatable.Wecouldtakeoverthispartofthecity,youandme.’
‘Whywouldwewanttodothat?’Ilaughed.
‘Becausewecan,’hesaid,leaninginclosetome.
BecauseWeCan:themottoofpower,sincetheideaofpoweroverotherswasborninourkind.
‘That’snotareason,that’sanexcuse.’
‘Lookaroundyou!Ninety-ninepercentofpeoplearejustdoin’whatthey’retold.Butyouandme,we’reintheonepercent.Wetakewhatwewant,whiletherestofthem,theytakewhatthey’regiven.’
‘Peopleriseup.’
‘Aye,theydo,’heagreed,hispaleblueeyesgleaming.‘Fromtimetotime.Andthentheonepercenttakealltheirprivilegebackfromthem,andusuallytheirprideanddignityforgoodmeasure,andtheygobacktobeingtheslavesthey’reborntobe.’
‘Youknow,’Isighed,returninghisstare.‘It’snotjustthatIdisagreewithwhatyou’resaying,it’sthatIactuallydespiseit.’
‘That’sthebeautyofit!’hecried,slappinghisthighswithbothpalms.
Hereadmymystifiedfrownforamoment,andthencontinuedinasoftertone.
‘Look…meMa,shediedwhenIwasjustababy.Dadtriedhisbest,buthecouldn’tmanage.Therewasfiveofuskids,allundertenyearsold,andhewasasickman.Hesentustotheseorphanages.WewereProtestants.ThegirlswenttoProtestantplaces,butmelittlebrotherandme,therewasnoplaceforus,andweendedupwiththeCatholics.’
Hepausedforawhile,allowinghisgazetofalltohisfeet.Therainsqualledagain,strikingtheplasticawningofthechaishopwiththesoundofdrummersatawedding.
Hisfootbegantoscrapeawayattheearthslowly,hisrunningshoeleavingapatternofscrollsandwhorlsinthemuddyground.
‘Therewasthispriest,yousee.’
Helookedup.Fractalpatternsintheirisesofhisice-blueeyesglitteredaroundthepinpointpupils.Thewhitesofhiseyesweresuddenlyred,asifburnedbythesea.
‘Idon’ttalkaboutthis,’hesaid,lapsingintoaleadensilenceagain.
Hiseyesfilledwithtears.Heclenchedhisjaw,swallowinghard,andwillingthetearsaway.Buttheyfell,andheturnedhishead.
‘You’reafuckin’cunt,youare!’Concannonsnapped,wipinghiseyeswiththebackofhishand.
‘Me?’
‘Yeah,fuckin’you!Thisiswhatallyournicereasonablenessdoestopeople.Youturn’emintoweakcunts.That’sthefirsttimeI’veletatearfallinmanyalongyear,andit’sthefirsttimeI’vetalkedaboutthatfuckin’priestinlongerstill.Andthat’s…that’swhywe’dbesogoodtogether,don’tyousee?’
‘Not…really.’
‘IgotoutofthatorphanagewhenIwassixteen.BymyeighteenthbirthdayI’dkilledsixmen.Oneofthemwasthatfuckin’priest.Shouldaseenhowhebeggedforhislife,themiserablesickthing.’
Hepausedagain,hismouthpressedintoabitterwrinkle.Iwashopingthathe’dstoptalking.Hedidn’t.
‘Iforgavehim,youknow,beforeIkilledhim.’
‘Concannon,I–’
‘Willyounothearmeout,man?’
Heseemeddesperate.
‘Alright.’
‘Ineverforgaveanyone,afterthat,’hebegan,brighteningwithviolentrecollection.‘IwasafullrankedvolunteerwiththeUVF.AndIwentonbreakin’heads,shootin’Catholicsintheknees,sendin’piecesoftheIRAcuntswecapturedtotheirwidows,andalotmore.Weworkedtogetherwiththecopsandthearmy.Unofficiallike,ofcourse,butwehadafuckin’greenlight.Hitsquads,killin’andmaimin’ondemand,noquestionsasked.’
‘Concannon–’
‘Thenitallfellapart.Itgottoohot.Igottoohot.Tooviolent,theysaid.Itwasafuckin’war.Howcanyoubetooviolentforawar?Buttheysentmeout.Scotlandfirst,thenLondon.Ifuckin’hatedtheplace.ThenIwentontheroad,andendeduphere.’
‘Look,Concannon–’
‘Iknow,’hesaidquickly.‘Iknowwhatyou’rethinkin’andIknowwhatyou’regonnasay.Andit’strue.Ican’tdenyit.Ilikehurtin’peoplewhodeserveit.I’matwistedcunt.Luckyforme,there’salotoftwistedgirlsoutthere,soI’mhappybein’twisted.Butyou’renotlikethat.Youhaveyourprinciples.Don’tyougetit?You’rethetalksoftly,andI’mthebigstick.Youlook’emintheeyes,dobusinesswith’em,andshaketheirhands.Ichoptheirhandsoff,iftheydisobey.’
‘Choppingpeople’shandsoff.There’saleapforward.’
‘I’vegivenitalottathought,’hesaidalarmingly.‘That’swhyI’vebeentryin’topullyouawayfromthatFrenchmincer.’
‘Youjustdon’tknowwhentoquit,doyou?’
‘No,wait,hearmeout.It’s…it’slike…ifyoustripareligiondowntoitsmostbasicparts,thepartsthatmakeitworksowellandlastforhundredsandhundredsofyears,itboilsdowntothis–nicewordsandthefearofhorriblepunishmentsthatneverend.Youandme.Youcan’tbeatacombinationlikethat.Popesandheathenmullahshavegotfatonitforcenturies.’
Iletoutalongsigh,andputmypalmsonmyknees,preparingtostand.Hereachedouttoputahandonmywrist.Thegripofhishardfingerswasfierce,andtherewasenormousstrengthinit.
‘That’snotadvised,’Isaid.
Hereleasedhisgriponmyarm.
‘Sorry,I…just…thinkaboutit,’hesaid,thegrinleaninginthroughthedoorwayofhiseyesagain.‘I’lltalktoyouinafewdays.Wewon’tbealoneinthis,ifyouthrowinwithme.I’malreadytalkin’withothers,andthere’splentyofthemthat’sinterested,makenomistake.Thinkaboutit.That’snottoomuchtoaskforsavin’yourtalksoftlyarsetoday,isit?I’dliketohaveyouinthiswithme.I’llneedsomeonetotalkto.SomeoneItrust.Justthinkaboutit,that’sallIask.’
Irodeaway,leavinghimstandingthereundertheblueplasticawning.Ididn’tthinkabouthisoffer,butIdidthinkabouthim,thatafternoon,asImadetheroundsofcafésandbarsweusedaspassportdrops.
Italkedwithmycontacts.Ilistenedtogangsterstreetmusic:gossip,slander,liesanddenunciation.Alwaysfunny.ButineveryidlemomentmythoughtsreturnedtoConcannon,andtothosetearsheresentedsobitterly,butfailedtostop
Whatdream,whathope,whatdespairdrivesustothethingswedo,justtodesertuswhenthedeedisdone?Whathollowthingsarethey,motiveandreason,bornatnighttofadesoquicklyinthesunlightofconsequence?Whatwedoinlifelivesoninsideus,longafterambitionandfearliefrostedandopaquedonforgottenshores.Whatwedoinlife,morethanwhatwethinkorsay,iswhatweare
Concannonwasrunningintocrime,andIwasalreadyrunningawayfromit.FortoolongI’ddonethingsbecausethefearofcapturebecameamirror,afaceinthewater,notreallyme,andIabsolvedmyselfofmyownsins.Butthewaterswerestirred,andthefaceI’dalwaysputonthethingsthatIdidwasblurred,andvanishing.ChapterSeventeen
IwaitedforLisaoutsidetheMaheshhotel,enjoyingthecity.Ithadrainedintermittentlybutheavilythroughtheafternoon,yettheearlyeveningairwashotanddrybeneaththebroodingsky.
Occasionalwavesstruckatthelowseawall,crashingupandovertosplashacrosshalfthewidestreet.Childrencourtedthewaves,runningfromspraytospray,whilecouplesskippedaway.
Hopefulcarriagedriversslowedbesidethestrollers,tryingtoenticethemintotheirrickety,high-wheeledcarts.Peanutsellerswanderedamongthewalkers,fanningtheglowingcoalstheycarriedinbasketsaroundtheirnecks.Smokefromthelittlefires,filledwiththeflavourofroastedpeanuts,driftedamongthestrollers,temptationturningtheirheads.
Thewholecity,washedcleanbytheheavyrains,wasmorefragrantthanusual.Thecloud-soakedskylockedinscentsoffoodcookingonhundredsofsmallstreetstalls,bhelpuri,pavbhaji,pakodas,andsweetpungenciesfrompaansellers,incensetraders,andthefrangipanigarlandsbeingsoldateverytrafficsignal.
Icountedthoughtsonperfumedstrands,andthenIheardhervoice.
‘Apenny,’Lisasaid.
Iturned.
‘Theydon’tmakepenniesanymore,’Isaid,pullingherclosetomeandkissingher.
‘AreyouforgettingthisisBombay?’sheasked,notresistingme.‘Peoplegetarrestedforkissinginpublic.’
‘Maybethey’llputusinthesameprisoncell,’Isuggested,holdingherclose.
‘I…don’tthinkso,’shelaughed.
‘ThenI’llescape,andcomebustyouout.’
‘Andthenwhat?’
‘AndthenI’llbringyoubackhere,onaneveningjustlikethis,andkissyouagain,justlikethis.’
‘Waitaminute,’shesaid,studyingmyface.‘You’vebeenfightingagain.’
‘Areyoukidding?’
‘Comeoffit.You’retryingtodistractme!That’sadirtytrick,buster.’
‘What?’
‘Jesus,Lin!Fightingagain?Whatthefuck?’
‘Lisa,it’scool.I’mfine.AndI’mrighthere,withyou.’
Ikissedherface.
‘Webettergo,’shesaid,asshefrownedoutofthekiss,‘orwe’llmisshim.’
‘Misswho?’
‘Misswhom,writer,’shesaid.‘You’llfindout,soonenough.’
SheledmeontheshortwalkfromtheseafronttothepromenadethatsurroundedthenearbyAirIndiabuilding.Theofficeswereclosed,butthedimnight-lightsintheground-floorreceptionarearevealedthedesksanddoorwayswithin.
Whenwereachedalockedglassdoor,closetothebackofthebuilding,Lisasignalledmetowait.Sheglancedaroundnervouslyatthewedgeofstreetwecouldseefromthereardoor,buttherewasno-oneinsight.
‘So…whatarewe–’
‘We’rewaiting,’sheinterruptedme.
‘Waiting…for?’
‘Forhim.’
Therewasaflickeroflightwithinthebuilding.Asecurityguardcarryingatorchapproachedthedoor.Heopeneditwithakeyonaheavychain,andheldthedooropenforus.Heurgedustoenterquickly,andthenlockedthedooragainbehindus.
‘Thisway,’hesaid.‘Followmeclosely.’
Weavinghiswayalongaseriesofcorridorsandbetweenrowsofsilentdesks,hebroughtustoaserviceelevatorattherearofthebuilding.
‘Emergencylift,’hesaid,smilinghappily.‘Afterstopattop,walktwofloorstoroof.Mybonus,please.’
Lisahandedhimarollofnotes.Theguardsalutedus,pressedthebuttontoopenthedoorsoftheelevator,andwavedusinside.
‘So,we’regonnarobtheAirIndiacompany,’Isaidasweascendedinthelift.‘Andtenminutesago,youwereworriedaboutapublickiss.’
‘Iwasn’tworried,’shelaughed.‘Andwe’renotheretorobtheplace.We’rehereforaprivateparty.’
Thedoorsopenedonastoragefloor,withwallsoffilingcabinetsandopenshelvesstackedwithdustyfolders.
‘Ah,theKafkaRoom.Can’twaittoseethemenu.’
‘Comeon!’Lisasaid,rushingtothestairwell.‘Wehavetohurry.’
Takingthestepstwoatatime,sheledmeupthestairs.Atthetopshehesitated,withherhandontheemergencyreleasebarofthecloseddoor.
‘Ihopeherememberedtoleavethisdoorunlocked,’shesaidbreathlessly,andthenpushedonthebar.
Westeppedthroughontotheroofofthebuilding.Itwasavastarea,withseveralsmallmetalhutsontheperiphery.
Ahugestructuretoweredtenmetresoverus,bracedbyheavysteelgirders.ItwastheilluminatedlogooftheAirIndiacompany:astylisedarcher,withadrawnbow,circledbyagreatdisc.
Thegiganticfigurerosefromacentralsupportpylon,fixedtoarotatingsteeltable,whichwasinturnsupportedbyanarrayofgirdersandcables.
LikeeveryotherMumbaikar,I’dseenthehugesignrotatingabovetheAirIndiabuildinghundredsoftimes,butstandingsoclosetoit,sohighabovetherollingsea,wasadifferenttruth.
‘Damn!’
‘Wemadeitintime,’Lisagrinned.
‘There’sabadtimeforthis?Whataview!’
‘Wait,’shesaid,staringupatthearcher.‘Wait.’
Therewasawhirring,grindingsound,asifageneratorhadstartedupnearby.Thethrobofanelectricturbinebegan,buildingfromasoftpurrtoapersistentwhine.Thentheclickandstutterofacondenser,orseveralofthem,chatteredfromsomewhereveryclose,atthebaseoftheimmensesign.
Suddenly,inoneburstofflickeringcrimsoncolour,thegreatcircularlogolitup,bathingthewholespaceinblood-redlight.Momentslater,thecrimsonarcherbegantorotateonitspylonaxis.
Lisawasdancinglittleexcitedsteps,herarmswide.
‘Isn’titgreat?’
Shewaslaughinghappily.
‘It’sbrilliant.Iloveit.’
Wewatchedthehugewheelofscarletlightturnforsometime,andthenshiftedtofacetheopensea.Thecloudshadswollentogethertofillthewholeofheavenwithblackbrooding.Distantlightningstrikesforkedthroughthedarkness:ribsofcloud,rollingandshiftingonthebedofnight.
‘Youlikeit?’sheasked,leaninginbesidemeaswewatchedtheskyandsea.
‘Iloveit.How’dyoucomeupwithit?’
‘IwashereacoupleweeksagowithRish,fromthegallery.Hewasthinkingaboutmakingafull-sizecopyoftheAirIndiaarcherforanewBombayexhibition,andheinvitedmetocometakealook.Whenwegothere,hechangedhismind.ButIlikeditsomuchupherethatIcultivatedtheguard,andbribedhimtoletuscomeuphere,youandme.’
‘Youcultivatedtheguard,huh?’
‘I’macultivatedgirl.’
Foratimewegazedattherejoicingsea,farbelow.Itwasadangerousview,irresistible,butmythoughtsslitheredbacktothatafternoon,andConcannon.
‘DidyoumeetatallIrishmannamedConcannon,awhileback?’
Shethoughtforamoment,oneofmyfavouritefrownscurlingherupperlip.
‘Fergus?Isthathisname?’
‘IonlyknowhimasConcannon,’Isaid.‘Butyoucan’tmissthisguy.Tall,heavyset,butathletic,kindarangy,aboxer,withsandyhairandahardeye.Hesaidhemetyou,atanexhibition.’
‘Yeah,Fergus,that’shisname.Ionlyspoketohimforawhile.Why?’
‘Nothing.Iwasjustwonderingwhyhewasattheexhibition.Idon’tfigurehimforanartlover.’
‘Wehadlotsofmenatthatshow,’shesaidthoughtfully.‘Itwasourmostsuccessfulshowsofar.Thekindofshowthatbringspeoplewhodon’tnormallygotogalleries.’
‘Whatkindofashow?’
‘Itwasallaboutthebrokenlivesthatspinoutfrombadortroubledrelationshipsbetweenfathersandsons.ItwascalledSonsoftheFathers.Therewasabigpieceaboutitinthepaper.Ranjitgaveusgreatcoverage.Itpulledinacrowd.Itoldyouallaboutit.Don’tyouremember?’
‘No,’Ireplied.‘I’vebeeninGoa,Lisa,andyoudidn’ttellmeaboutit.’
‘Really?IwassureIdid.Funny,huh?’
‘Notreally.’
SonsoftheFathers.Wasitthatphrase,thosewords,Sons,Fathers,glimpsedonaposterthathaddrawnConcannontotheexhibition?Orhadhefollowedme,andthenfollowedLisatothegallery,usingtheshowasapretexttomeetherandtalktoher?
Acidmemorieshadburnedhiseyes,whenhespoketome.Ihadmemoriesofmyown.Iwoketoooftenstillchainedtoawallofthepast,beingtorturedbytheghostsofmenwhosefacesI’dalreadybeguntoforget.
IturnedmyheadtolookatLisa’sgentleprofile:thedeep-set,hoodedeyes;thefine,smallnose;thesculptedflowofherlong,gracefulchin;thehalf-smilethatalmostalwaysplayedinthestreamofherlips.Thewindwaspickingup,liftingtheblondecurlsofherhairintoafeatheredhalo.
Shewaswearingaloose,knee-lengthblackdresswithahigh,stiffcollar,butnosleevesorshoulders.She’dkickedoffhersandals,andherfeetwerebare.Theonlyjewellerysheworewasathinnecklaceofirregularturquoisebeads.
Shereadmyface,frowningalittle,asshemadeherwaybackintomymind.
‘Doyouknowwhattodayis?’sheasked,laughingasmyeyeswidenedwithalarm.‘It’souranniversary.’
‘But,wegottogetherin–’
‘I’mtalkingaboutthedayIletmyselfloveyou,’shesaid,hersmileshowinghowmuchshewasenjoyingmyconfusion.‘Thisisexactlytheday,twoyearsago,thatyoustoppedyourbikebesidemeonthecauseway,aweekafterKarlagotmarried,whenIwaswaitingfortheraintostop.’
‘Iwashopingyouforgotthat.Iwasprettyhigh,thatday.’
‘Youwere,’sheagreed,thesmilefillinghereyes.‘Yousawmestandingwithabunchofpeopleundertheshelterofashop.Youpulledup,andaskedmeifIwantedaride.Buttherainwaspouringdownlikemad–’
‘Itwasthestartofaflood,abigone.Iwasworriedthatyoumightnotmakeithome.’
‘Pouringinbuckets,itwas.Andthere’syou,sittingonyourbikeintherain,soakedthroughtoyourbones,offeringme,dryandcomfortable,aridehome.Ilaughedsohard.’
‘Okay,okay–’
‘Thenyougotoffyourbikeandstartedtodance,rightthereinfrontofthewholecrowd.’
‘Sostupid.’
‘Don’tsaythat!Ilovedit!’
‘Sostupid,’Irepeated,shakingmyhead.
‘Ithinkyoushouldmakeapromisetotheuniversethatyou’llalwaysdanceintherain,atleastonce,ifyou’reinBombayduringmonsoon.’
‘Idon’tknowabouttheuniverse,butI’llmakeapactwithyou.IherebypromisethatI’llalwaysdanceintherainatleastonce,ineveryoneofmymonsoons.’
Thestormwascominginfast.Lightningshockedthetheatreofthesea.Heartbeatslater,thefirstthundersmashedtheclouds.
‘That’sabigstormcomingin.’
‘Comehere,’shesaid,takingmyhand.
Sheledmetoanopenspacebeneaththeslowlyturningwheelofthecrimsonarcher.Duckingintoanalcove,shefetchedabasketandbroughtitout.
‘Ipaidthewatchmantoleaveituphereforus,’sheexplained,openingthebaskettorevealalargeblanket,abottleofchampagne,andafewglasses.
Shehandedmethebottle.
‘Openusup,Lin.’
WhileIpeeledawaythefoilwrapperandtwistedthewiretether,shespreadouttheblanket,holdingitinplaceagainstthegatheringwindwithsparetilesshefoundontheroof.
‘Youreallythoughtthisout,’Isaid,poppingthecorkonthechampagne.
‘Youdon’tknowthehalfofit,’shelaughed.‘Butthisisaspecialplace.WhenIcameupherewithRish,Itookadamngoodlookaround.ThisisoneoftheonlyopenspacesinBombay,maybetheonlyspace,wherenobodycanseeyoufromanywindow,anywhere.’
Shepulledherdressupoverherhead,andtosseditaside.Shewasnaked.Shepickeduptheglassesandheldthemout.Ifilledthem.Iputthebottleaside,andheldmyglassclosetohersforatoast.
‘Whatshallwedrinkto?’
‘How’boutgettingyourgoddamnclothesoff?’
‘Lisa,’Isaid,asseriousasthestorm.‘We’vegottatalk.’
‘Yeah,wedo,’shesaid.‘Afterwedrink.I’llmakethetoast.’
‘Okay.’
‘Tofoolsinlove.’
‘Tofoolsinlove.’
Shedrankherglassdownquickly,andthenthrewitoverhershoulder.Itshatteredagainstastonebuttress.
‘I’vealwayswantedtodothat,’shesaidhappily.
‘Youknow,weshouldtalkabout–’
‘No,’shesaid.
Sheunfastenedmyclothesandpulledthemoff.Whenwewerebothnakedshepickedupanotherglassandrefilledit.
‘Onemoretoast,’shesaid,‘thenwetalk.’
‘Okay.Totherain,’Isuggested.‘Insideandout.’
‘Totherain,’sheagreed.‘Insideandout.’
Wedrank.
‘Lisa–’
‘No.Onemoredrink.’
‘Yousaid–’
‘Thelastonedidn’tdoit.’
‘Didn’tdowhat?’
‘Didn’twaketheDutchman.’
Shefilledtheglassesagain.
‘Notoastthistime,’shesaid,drinkinghalfherglass.‘Bottomsup.’
Wedrank.Asecondglassshatteredintheshadows.Shepushedmebackontothetetheredblanket,butslippedawayagain,herbodyonthesky.
‘DoyoumindifIdancewhilewetalk,’shesaid,beginningtosway,thewindhappyinherhair.
‘I’lltrynottoobject,’Isaid,lyingbacktowatchher,myhandsclaspedbehindmyhead.
‘Thisisanotheranniversary,ofsorts,’shesaiddreamily.
‘Youknow,there’saspecialplaceinhellforpeoplewhoneverforgetbirthdaysoranniversaries.’
‘Thisisonethatstartstonight,twoyearsaftertheotheronestarted.’
‘Theotherone?’
‘Us,’shedanced,twirlinginacircle,herarmswoveninthewind.‘Theotherus,thatweusedtobe.’
‘Thatweusedtobe?’
‘Thatweusedtobe.’
‘Andwhendidwechange?’
‘Tonight.’
‘Wedid?’
‘Yes.’
‘Intheelevator,oronthestairs?’
Shelaughedanddanced,herheadmovingtoabeatonlyherarmsandhipsandlegscouldhear.
‘I’mdoingaraindance,’shesaid,herhandsalreadyswimmingthroughwater.‘Ithastoraintonight.’
Iglancedupattheimmensediscofthearcher,rotatingslowly,chainedtotherockofthecitywithsteelcables.Rain.Rainmeanslightning.Theredarcherlookedlikeaverytemptinglightningrod.
‘Ithastorain?’
‘Oh,yeah,’shesaid,floppingatmyfeetandstaringatme,herbodysupportedononearm.‘Anditwillnow,soon.’
Shepickedupthechampagnebottle,tookamouthfulandkissedme,tricklingthewineintomymouthinthebruisedblossomofakiss.Ourlipsparted.
‘Iwanttohaveanopenrelationship,’shesaid.
‘Itcan’tgetmuchmoreopenthanthis,’Ismiled.
‘Iwanttobewithotherpeople.’
‘Oh,thatkindofopen.’
‘Ithinkyoushouldbewithotherpeople,too.Notallthetime,ofcourse.Notifwestaytogether.Idon’tthinkI’dliketoseeyouinapermanentthing.Butdefinitelysometimes.Icouldactuallyhookyouup.I’vegotafriendwho’sreallyhotforyou.She’ssocutethatIwouldn’tminddoingathreesome.’
‘What?’
‘Itwouldonlytakeaword,’shesaid,staringintomyeyes.
Thestormwasclose.Thewindsmelledofthesea.Iliftedmyeyestothesky.Pridehasmostoftheanger,andhumilitymostoftheright.Ididn’thavetherighttotellherwhattodo,orwhatnottodo.Ididn’tevenhavetherighttoaskher.Wedidn’thavethatkindoflove.
‘Idon’thavetheright–’
‘Iwanttobewithyou,ifyouwanttoloveme,’shesaid,lyingbesideme,herhandonmychest.‘ButIwantustobewithotherpeopleaswell.’
‘Youknow,Lisa,youpickedaprettyweirdwaytotellmethis.’
‘Isthereawaythatisn’tweird?’
‘Still…’
‘Ididn’tknowhowyou’dreact,’shepouted.‘Istilldon’tknow.Ithought,ifyoudon’tlikeit,this’llbethelasttimewemakelove.Andifyoudolikeit,this’llbethefirsttimewemakeloveasthenewus,freetobewhatwewant.Eitherway,it’samemorableanniversary.’
Welookedatoneanother.Oureyesbegantosmile.
‘YouknewI’dcompletelylovethisstunt,didn’tyou?’
‘Totally.’
‘ThewholeAirIndiaarcherthing.’
‘Totally.’
Ileanedoverher,smoothingthewind-strewnhairfromherface.
‘You’reanamazinggirl,Lisa.AndI’mconstantlyamazed.’
Shekissedme,herfingersvinesaroundmyneck.
‘Youknow,’shemurmured,‘Ididsomeresearch.’
‘Youdid?’
‘Yeah,onhowoftenthisplacegetshitbylightning.Doyouwanttoknow?’
Ididn’tcare.Iknewwhatwashappeningtous,butIdidn’tknowwhereweweregoing.
Thestormwasonus.Theskyconnected.Rainfilledourmouthswithsilver.Shepulledmeontoher,intoher,lockedherfeetinthesmallofmyback,andheldmeinside,tight,loose,andtightagain,daringmetofollow.
Awaterfallofwindandraindrummedonmyback.Iputmyforeheadtohers,shelteringherfacewithmine,oureyesonlylashesapart.Themonsoon,flesh-warm,pouredfrommyheadandsplashedupfromtheground.Wepressedourmouthstogether,breathingintooneanother,sharingair.
Sherolledmeoverontomyback,holdingmeinsideher,flatteningherlongfingersacrossmychest,herarmsstiff.
Aroarofthundersmashednewrainfromsoddenclouds.Waterpouredinrivuletsfromherhairandherbreasts,runningintomyopenmouth.Waterbegantofilltheroofofthebuilding,ebbingaroundusinasecretsea,highabovetheIslandCity.
Herfingersclawed.Herbackarched,cat-fierce.Sheslidherhandsfrommychest,downalongmybody.Sittingupright,shelockedmeinside,andturnedherfacetothesky,herarmsoutwide.
Adrumbegantobeat:aheavyfootstepinahallofmemory,myheart.Wewerebreakingapart.Inthatinstantitwasclear:whatwehadwasallweeverwere,orcouldbe.
Lightningpaintedthewateraroundusontheroof.Theyturnedabovemyhead,LisaandthestormandthewheelofFate,andthewholeworldwasred,bloodred,eventothatseathesky,thatseathesky.PartFour
ChapterEighteen
Rulingacriminalenterpriserequiresaninstinctforfear,aflairforruthlesscaprice,andatalentforherdingyourmenintothatlushminion-pasturebetweenaweandenvy.Runningacriminalenterprise,ontheotherhand,isallhardwork.
Iwokeearlyafterthenightoftheredarcher,feelingthatanarrowhadpassedthroughmeleavingaredemptinessinside.Iwasatmydeskinthepassportfactorybeforenine.
ThreehoursofdetailedworkwithKrishnaandVillubroughtmycounterfeitpassportsuptodate.AfteracalltomycontactattheBombayMunicipalCorporation,askinghimtodelivercopiesofthepermitdocumentsforFarzad’streasure-huntingfamily,IheadedtotheColabaCausewayforaworkinglunch.
Mostofthefive-,four-andthree-starhotelsinSouthBombaywerewithinathree-kilometreradiusoftheGatewayofIndiamonument.NinetypercentofBombay’stouristscouldbefoundwithinthesamearcofthepeninsula,alongwithninety-fivepercentoftheillegalpassporttrade,andeighty-fivepercentofthedrugtrafficking.
Mostbusinessesinthesouthpaidprotectionmoney,calledhafta,meaningaweek,totheSanjayCompany.TheCompanyexemptedtheownersofsevenrestaurantsandbarsinthesamearea.Theownersofthosebarsallowedtouts,pimps,touristguides,pickpockets,drugdealersandblackmarkettradersconnectedwiththeSanjayCompanytousetheirpremisesasconvenientdrop-offpointsforgoods,documentsandinformation.
Mypassportforgeryandcounterfeitingunithadtomonitorthosesevendrop-offcentresforusabledocuments.Forthemostpart,thatjobfelltome.Tokeepenemiesandpotentialrivalsguessing,Ichangedtheorderofthebarsandrestaurantseveryday,rotatingbetweenthemoftenenoughtoconfuseanysenseofroutine.
Istarted,onthatday,attheTrafalgarRestaurant,onlyagoodknife’sthrowfromLightningDilip’sdeskintheColabapolicestation.Atthedoorofthecorner-facingrestaurant,belowthethreesteepstepsleadinginside,IpausedtoshakehandswithaMemoryMannamedHrishikesh.
MemoryMenwereacriminalsub-casteinthoseyears:menwholackedthefoolhardinesstoriskprisontimebyactuallycommittingcrimes,butwhoseintelligenceandprodigiousmemoriesallowedthemtomakeamodestliving,servingthefearlessfoolswhodid.
Takinguppositionsinhighcriminaltrafficareas,suchasthecauseway,theymadeittheirbusinesstoknowthelatestfiguresfortheday’sgoldprices,thecurrentblackandwhitemarketexchangeratesforsixmajorcurrencies,thecaratpriceforwhitediamonds,rubies,emeralds,andsapphires,andhalf-hourfluctuationsinthepriceofeveryillicitdrug,fromcannabistococaine.
‘What’sup,Kesh?’Iasked,shakinghishand.
‘Noproblem,baba,’hegrinned,raisinghiseyestotheskyforamoment.‘Ooperwale.’
Thewordhe’dusedwasareferencetoGod,andoneofmyfavourites.Moreoftenusedinthesingular,Ooperwala,itcouldberoughlytranslatedasThePersonUpstairs.Usedintheplural,thetermmeantThePeopleUpstairs
‘Ooperwale,’Ireplied.‘Let’sgo.’
‘Okay,’hesaid,becomingseriousashelaunchedintohisiterationsofthelatestpricesandrates.
Ionlyneededthegoldandcurrencyexchangerates,butIletKeshrunthroughthewholeofhisrepertoire.Ilikedhim,andadmiredthesubtlegeniusthatallowedhimtoholdhundredsoffactsinhiscurrentmemory,adjustingthemasoftenasthreetimesinasingleday,withoutadecimalpointoferror.
MostgangstersheldfringedwellerslikeKeshincontempt.Ineverunderstoodit.Thesmall-scalestreetoutlawswereharmlesspeople,survivingthroughclevernessandadaptedskillsinahostileenvironmentthatsometimesdidn’ttreatthemwell.Ialsohadasoftspotforindependentoutlaws:menandwomenwhorefusedtojointheranksoflaw-abidingcitizens,nolessresolutelythantheyrejectedtheviolenceofhardcorecriminals.
Whenhisrecitationended,IpaidhimtwicethegoingrateforaMemoryMan’smantra,andhegavemeasmilelikesunlightstreamingoffthesea.
InsidetherestaurantIsatwithmybacktoawall.Ihadaclearviewofthestreet.Awaiternudgedmyshoulderwithhisbelly.Iorderedavegetablesandwichandacoffee.
Ididn’thavetosignalanyone:Ionlyhadtowait.Iknewthattheinformationnetworkofthestreetwasalreadyatwork.Oneormoreoftheendlesslydriftingstreetguysroamingthetouristbeatwould’veseenmeparkmymotorcycle,talkwithKesh,andentertherestaurant.Wordwouldalreadybespreadingthroughneighbouringlanesanddens:LinbabaissittingatTrafalgar
BeforeIfinishedmysandwich,thefirstcontactarrived.ItwasBillyBhasu.Hesitatingclosetomytable,heglancedaroundnervously,andspokeverysoftly.
‘Hello,MrLin.MynameisBillyBhasu.IamworkingwithDennis,theSleepingBaba.Youmightberememberingme?’
‘Sitdown.You’remakingthebossnervous.’
Heglancedattherestaurantboss,leaningonthecounter,hishandplayinginthetraysofchangeasiftheywerepebblesinastream.BillyBhasusatdown.
Awaiterappearedimmediately,slappingagrimyvinylmenubookletinfrontofBilly.Therulesinallthedrop-offbarsandrestaurantsweresimple:nofightingordisturbancesthatmightupsetthecivilians,andeveryonebuyslunch,whethertheyeatitornot.
IorderedteaandatakeawaysandwichparcelforBilly.Whenthewaiterleftus,Billycametothepointquickly.
‘Ihaveachain,’hesaid,reachingintohispocket.‘Solidgolditis,withapicturelocketattached.’
Heputthegoldlocketandchainonthetable.Ipickeditup,runningmythumboverthelinksofthechain,andthenprisedopenthelocket.Ifoundtwophotographs:ayoungmanandayoungwoman,facingeachotherandsmilinghappilyacrossthehingeoftheirlittleworld:aworldthathadfounditswayintomyhand.
‘Idon’ttakestolengoods,Billy.’
‘Whatstolen,baba?’hedemandedindignantly.‘Thiswasatrade,afairtrade,thelocketfordope.Andgoodquality.Almostfiftypercentpure.Allsquareandfair!’
Ilookedatthephotographsoftheyoungcoupleagain.TheywerenorthernEuropeans,bright-eyedandhealthy;fromthekindofsocialbackgroundthatputperfectteethinuntroubledsmiles.Theylookedabouttwentyyearsold.
‘Howmuchdoyouwant?’
‘Oh,baba,’hegrinned,beginningtheIndianbargainingritual.‘Thatisforyoutosay,notme.’
‘I’llgiveyoufivedollarsAmerican.’
‘But,’hespluttered,‘it’smuchtooless,forsuchapiece!’
‘Yousaiditwasformetosay.’
‘Yes,baba,butitisforyoutosayafairprice!’
‘I’llgiveyousixtypercentofthegramweightprice.Doyouagreeit’seighteencaratgold?
‘It’s…it’smaybetwenty-twocarats,baba.No?’
‘It’seighteen.Sixtypercent.OrtryyourluckwiththeMarwaris,atZaveriBazaar.’
‘Oh,no,baba!’hesaidquickly.‘IfIdealwiththeMarwaris,I’llendupowingthemmoney.They’retoosmart.I’dratherdealwithyou.Nooffence.’
‘Nonetaken.Fiftypercent.’
‘Doneatsixty.’
Icalledthewaiter,passedhimthelocketandchain,andtoldhimtoaskthemanagertoweighitonhisjewelleryscale.Thewaiterslouchedovertoadesk,andhandedoverthechain.
Usingafinescalethathekeptunderthecounter,themanagerweighedthelocketandchain,wrotethegramweightonapieceofpaper,andhandedthembacktothewaiter.
Thewaiterpassedthepapertome,heftedthechainandlocketinthebowlofhishandforamomentasifcheckingtheaccuracyofthescale,andthendroppedthemintomyupturnedpalm.
Iglancedatthefigureonthepaper,andthenshowedittoBillyBhasu.Henodded.UsingKesh’sfigureforthecurrentrate,Iroundedtheamounttothenearesttenrupees,andwrotethefigureonthesamesheetofpaper,showingittoBilly.Henoddedagain.
‘Youknow,baba,’hesaid,asheputawaythemoney,‘IsawthatNaveenAdairbefore,thatAnglodetectivefellow.Hegavemeamessage,ifIseeyouinanyplacetoday.’
‘Asithappens,I’minanyplacerightnow.’
‘Yes,’herepliedearnestly.‘So,Icangiveyouhismessage.’
Therewasapause.
‘Wouldyoulikeanothersandwichparcel,Billy?’
‘Actually,yes,Linbaba.Jamaliswaitingoutside.’
Iwavedforanotherparcel.
‘Arewegoodforthemessage,now?’
‘Oh,yes.Naveensaid,letmebeexactlysure,TellLinbaba,ifyouseehim,thatIhavenothingnewaboutthemaninthesuit.’
‘That’sit?That’sthemessage?’
‘Yes,baba.It’simportant,no?’
‘Critical.Letmeaskyousomething,Billy.’
‘Yes,baba?’
‘IfIdidn’tbuyyourchain,wereyougonnagivemethemessage?’
‘Ofcourse,baba,’hegrinned,‘butformorethanjusttwosandwiches.’
Thesandwichparcelsarrived.BillyBhasuputhishandonthem.
‘So…sonow…I’lltakemyleave?’
‘Sure.’
Whenhelefttherestaurant,Ilookedagainatthephotographsofthesmilingyoungcouple.Iclosedthelocket,anddroppeditintomyshirtpocket.
Forthenextfourhours,Iworkedmywaythroughtheothersixdrop-offrestaurantsandbarsinmydistrict,spendingaboutfortyminutesineachone.
Itwasanaverageday.Iboughtapassport,threepiecesofjewellery,sevenhundredandfiftyUSdollarsincash,anassortmentofothercurrencies,andafinewatch.
Thatlastitem,inthelasttradeoftheday,inthelastofthebars,involvedmeinanangrydisputewithtwoofthestreetguys.
Themanwhobroughtthewatchtome,Deepak,settledthepricequickly.Itwasapricefarbelowtheactualvalueofthewatch,butfarmorethanhecouldexpecttoreceivefromtheprofessionalbuyersintheFortarea.
Atthemomentofthehandover,asecondman,Ishtiaq,enteredthebar,shoutingforashareofthemoney.Ishtiaq’sstrategywassimple:makeabigenoughfusstoforceaconcessionfromDeepak,beforethelatterhadthechancetoslipawayinthecrowdedstreet.
InothercircumstancesI’dhavetakenmymoneyback,shovedbothmenoutofthebar,andforgottenaboutthem.Mylong-standingrelationshipwiththebar’sownerwasmoreimportantthananyonetransaction.
ButwhenI’dputthewatchtomyear,I’dheardthereassuringtrip-clickmovement,twitchingtowarditsrundowncycle:themechanicalheartbeatingitsrhythmrewardforthedailywindingfidelityofitsowner.Itwas,asithappened,myfavouritewatch.
Ignoringmyinstincts,ItriedtoplacateIshtiaq.Themomentaryweaknessignitedimpudence,andheshoutedalltheharder.Dinersatothertablesbegantostareatus,anditwasn’tabigplace.
Speakingquickly,IsoothedIshtiaq,pulledsomemoneyfrommypocketandpaidhimoff.Hesnatchedatthenotes,snarledatDeepak,andleftthebar.Deepakgavemeanapologeticshrug,andslippedoutontothestreet.
Islidthemetalbraceletofthewatchovermyhand,ontomywrist.Isnappedthecatchshut.Itwasaperfectfit.ThenIlookeduptoseethemanagerandhiswaitersstaringatme.Theshortstorywrittenintheireyeswasclear:I’dlostface.Meninmypositiondidn’tplacatestreettoutslikeIshtiaq.
Iglancedagainatthewatchonmywrist.Mygreedhadweakenedme.GreedishumanKryptonite,Karlaoncesaidtome,asshepocketedallofthecommissionwe’djustmadetogetheronadeal.
Ineededtoworkout,andswungthebikethroughtraffic,headingforthemafiaboxinggymatBallardPier.
Themanagerofthegym,Hussein,wasaveterangangsterwho’dlostanarmtoamacheteblowinabattlewithanothergang.Hislong,scarredfacefounditswayintoabiblicalbeardthatrestedontheprodigiousmoundofhischest.Hewasbrave,kind,funny,tough,andamatchforanyoftheyounggangsterswhotrainedatthegym.EverytimeIlookedintohislaughing,dangerouseyesIwonderedwhatheandKhaderbhaimust’vebeenlike:theyoungfighterswhocreatedagangthatbecameamafiaCompany.
Letmyenemyseethetiger,theyusedtosay,beforehedies
TherewasnodoubtthatHusseinandKhaderbhaihadshownthetigermanytimes,asthey’dprowledthecity,youngandfearless,allthoseyearsbefore.Andsomethingofthatstripedmenacelingeredintheburnt-clayeyesofthegymmaster.
‘Wah,wah,Linbaba,’hesaid,asIenteredthegym.‘Salaamaleikum.’
‘Waaleikumsalaam,OneHussein.’
BecauseanotherHusseinjoinedKhaderbhaiinthoseearlyyears,andwentontoholdapositionontheCouncil,theyweresometimesknownasOneHusseinandTwoHussein,forthenumberofarmstheypossessed.
‘Kyahalhain?’Howareyougoing?
‘Busierthanaone-armedmaninabarfight,’IrepliedinHindi.
Itwasanoldjokebetweenus,buthelaughedeverytime.
‘Howareyou,OneHusseinbhai?’
‘Stillswingingthepunches,Linbaba.Ifyoukeeppunching,youstayhard.Ifyoustopthewindmill,there’snoflour.’
‘Yougotthatright.’
‘Areyoutrainingfullsession,Lin?’
‘No,OneHusseinbhai,justloadingtheguns.’
Loadingthegunswasgangsterslangforaworkoutthatpumpedthebicepsandtricepsinthesamesessionofsupersets.
‘Damngood!’helaughed.‘Keepthegunsloaded,yaar.Youknowthetworulesofcombat.Makesuretheyknowthey’vebeenhit,and–’
‘Makesuretheystayhit,’Ifinishedforhim.
‘Jarur!’
HehandedmeatowelasIwalkedpastintothemaintrainingroom.Thegym,whichatfirsthadbeenasmall,dirtyspacewherelarge,dirtygangsterslearnedtheartsofstreetfighting,hadprovensopopularwiththeyoungmenoftheSanjayCompanythatithadbeenexpandedtoincludethewholeoftheneighbouringwarehouse.
Intheforegroundtherewasanassortmentofweight-trainingequipment:benches,latandrowingmachines,inclineanddeclinepresses,squatbars,chin-upanddipbars,andstacksofheavyplatesanddumbbells.Beyondthatarea,linedwithmirrors,wastheblood-stainedboxingring.
Furtherintothenewlycreatedspacewasawrestlingandjudomat.Liningthefarwallwereheavybodybagsandsuspendedspeedballs.Inthecornerleadingbacktowardtheentrancewasacorridor,twomenwide,formedwithvinyl-paddedwalls.Thecorridorwasthetrainingspaceforknifefighting.
Itwashotinthegym.Grunts,moansandshoutsofpainpiercedhumidairthatwassweatingadrenalineandthathigh,scrape-bonesmelloftestosterone.
I’vespentalargepartofmylifeinthecompanyofmen.Tenyearsofmylifeinprisons,sevenyearsingangs,twentyyearsingyms,karateschools,boxingclubs,rugbyteams,motorcyclegroups,andallmygrowingyearsinaboys’school:morethanhalfofmylifeinexclusivelymalesocieties.AndI’vealwaysfeltcomfortablethere.It’sasimpleworld.Youonlyneedonekeytoeverylockedheart:confidence.
Noddingtotheotheryoungmenintheweight-trainingarea,Itookthelongknife-scabbardsfromtheirtucksinthebackofmyjeans,andfoldedthemwithmymoney,keys,thewatchandmyshirtonawidewoodenstool.
Strappingonathickleatherweightbelt,Islappedthetowelonanemptybench,andbeganmyalternatesetsofrecliningtricepextensionsandstandingbicepcurls.Afterthirtyminutes,myarmswereatthepeakoftheirpump.Icollectedmythings,andmademywaytotheknife-trainingcorridor.
Inthoseyearsbeforeeveryhandbagthiefcarriedagun,thetechniquesofknifefightingwereaseriousbusiness.Themasterswhotaughttheirknifeskillswerecultheroesforyounggangsters,andtreatedwithasmuchdeferenceasmembersoftheSanjayCouncilthemselves.
Hathoda,themanwho’dtaughtmefortwoyears,hadalsotaughtIshmeet,theleaderoftheCycleKillers,who’dpassedontheskillstohisownmen.TheknifemasterwasjustleavingthecorridorwithayoungstreetfighternamedTrickyasIapproached.
Theybothgreetedmewithsmilesandwarmhandshakes.Theyounggangster,exhaustedbuthappy,excusedhimselfquickly,andheadedfortheshower.
‘Agoodkid,’HathodasaidinHindi,aswewatchedhimleave.‘Andanaturalwiththeknife,mayheneveruseitinshame.’
ThelastphrasewasakindofincantationthatHathodataughthisstudents.Irepeateditinstinctively,aswealldid,intheplural.
‘Mayweneveruseitinshame.’
HathodawasaSikh,fromtheholycityofAmritsar.Asayoungman,he’dfalleninwithatoughcrowd.Eventually,he’dabandonedhisstudies,andspentalmostallofhistimewiththelocalgang.Whenaviolentrobberyledtoconflictwithcommunityleaders,Hathoda’sfamilydisownedhim.Aspartofthepriceofpeace,hisganghadbeencompelledtocasthimoutaswell.
Aloneandpenniless,hemadehiswaytoBombay,andwasrecruitedbyKhaderbhai.HeapprenticedtheyoungSikhtoGaneshbhai,thelastofthemasterknifefighters,who’dstartedwithKhaderbhaiintheearly1960s.
Hathodaneverleftthemaster’sside,andthroughyearsofstudybecameamasterhimself.Hewas,infact,thelastknifeteacherinSouthBombay,butnoneofusknewthatthen,inthoseyearsbeforetheglamourofthegun.
Hewasatallman,somethingofadisadvantageforaknifefighter,withathickmaneofoiledhaircoiledintoapermanenttopknot.Hisalmond-shapedeyes,thesamePunjabieyesthatwithasingle,smoulderingstare,hadseducedtravellerstoIndiaforcenturies,glowedwithfearlessnessandhonour.
Hisname,theonethateveryoneinSouthBombayknewhimby,Hathoda,meantHammerinHindi.
‘So,Lin,youwanttopractisewithme?Iwasjustleaving,butI’mhappytostayforanothersession,ifyourreflexesareuptoit?’
‘Idon’twanttoputyouout,master-ji,’Idemurred.
‘It’snotrouble,’heinsisted.‘I’lljustdrinkwater,andwe’llbegin.’
‘I’lltrainwithhim,’avoicefrombehindmesaid,speakinginHindi.‘Thegoracanworkoutwithme.’
ItwasAndrewDaSilva,theyoungGoanmemberoftheSanjayCompanyCouncil.Hisuseofthetermgora,meaningwhiteman,thoughverycommoninBombay,wasinsultinginthecontext.Heknewit,ofcourse,andleeredatme,hismouthopenandhislowerjawthrustout.
Itwasalsoastrangethingtosay.Andrewwasveryfair-skinned,hispart-Portugueseancestryevidentinhisreddish-brownhairandhoney-colouredeyes.BecauseIspentsomuchtimeridingmymotorcycleinthesunlight,withoutahelmet,myfaceandarmsweredarkerthanhis.
‘Thatis,’Andrewadded,whenIdidn’trespond,‘ifthegoraisn’tafraidthatImightembarrasshim.’
Itwastherightmoment,onthewrongday.
‘Whatleveldoyouwant?’Iasked,returninghisstare.
‘Levelfour,’Andrewsaid,hisleerwidening.
‘Fouritis,’Iagreed.
Alltrainingintheknife-fightingartswasdonewithhammerhandles:thereasonforHathoda’senduringnickname.Thewoodenhandles,withouttheirhammerheads,approximatedthehiltandheftofaknife,andcouldbeusedforpractice,withoutcausingthegrievousinjuriesofrealknives.
Leveloneusedthebluntendofabasichammerhandle.Levelfourtrainingusedhandlesshavedtopoints,sharpenoughtodrawblood.
Trainingboutswereusuallyconductedinfiveone-minuterounds,withathirty-secondrecoveryperiodbetweenthem.Strippeddowntojeansandbarechests,weenteredthetrainingcorridor.Hathoda,standingintheentrancetorefereethesession,handedusonesharpenedhandleeach.
Thespacewastight,withonlyafewcentimetresofmovementpossibletoleftorright.Theaimwastoteachmenhowtofightinclosequarters,surroundedbyenemies.Theendofthepaddedcorridorwasblockedoff:thewayin,wastheonlywayout.
Andrewheldhissharpenedhandleintheunderhandgrip,asifhewasholdingthehiltofasword.Iheldminewiththebladedownward,andadoptedaboxer’sstance.Hathodanoddedtocheckthatwewereready,glancedatthestopwatchhangingaroundhisneck,andgavethesignal.
‘Begin!’
Andrewrushedatme,tryingforasurpriseearlystrike.Itwasaneasysidestep.Hestumbledpastme,andIgavehimashovethatsenthimintoHathodaattheopenendofthecorridor.
Ayounggangsterwatchingfrombehindthemasterbegantolaugh,butthemastersilencedhim.
Andrewspunaround,andsteppedtowardmemorecautiously.Iclosedthegapbetweenusquickly,andweexchangedaflurryofjabs,thrustsandcounter-moves.
Foramomentwewerelockedinatightclinch,headsknockingtogether.Usingsomemainstrength,IshovedAndrewoffbalance,andhelurchedbackwardintotheclosedendofthecorridortoregainhisfooting.
Attackingagain,Andrewfeintedjabs,lungingatme.EachtimeIarchedmyback,pullingoutofrange,andslappedathisfacewithmyfreelefthand.
Severaloftheyounggangsterstraininginthegymhadgatheredneartheentrancetothecorridortowatch.Theylaughedwitheachslap,infuriatingAndrew.HewasafullmemberoftheSanjayCompanyCouncil,andtheposition,ifnottheman,demandedrespect.
‘Shutthefuckup!’Andrewscreamedattheonlookers.
Theyfellsilentatonce.
Andrewglaredatme,histeethclenchedonthehatredhefeltforme.Hisshouldersarchedaroundtheangerpumpingoutwardfromhisheart.Themusclesstiffenedinhisarms,andhebegantoshiverwiththestrainofsuppressinghisrage.
Ithurthimnottowin.Hethoughthewasgoodwithaknife,andIwasmakinghimrealisethathewasn’t.
Ishould’velethimwin.Itwould’vecostmenothing.Andhewasmyboss,inasense.ButIcouldn’tdoit.There’sacornerofcontemptwereserveforthosewhohateus,whenwe’vedonethemnowrong:thosewhoresentuswithoutcause,andrevileuswithoutreason.Andrewwascorralledintothatcornerofmydisdainassurelyashewastrappedinthedeadendofthetrainingcorridor.Andcontemptalmostalwaysconquerscaution.
Helunged.Iswungaround,avoidingtheblow,andbroughtmypointedhandledownintohisback,betweentheshoulderblades.
‘Threepoints!’Hathodacalled.
Andrewlashedoutwithhishandle,swingingroundtofaceme.Hewasoffbalanceagain,andasweepofmyfootbroughthimdownbesideme.Landingheavilyontopofhim,Ijabbedthehammerhandleintohischestandkidneys.
‘Sixmorepoints!’Hathodacalledout.‘Andstop!Timetorest!’
IsteppedbackfromAndrew.IgnoringHathoda’scommand,hestoodandrushedatme,jabbingwithhiswoodenblade.
‘Stop!’Hathodashouted.‘Restperiod!’
Andrewpressedon,slashingatme,tryingtodrawblood.Againsttherulesoftraining,hewastryingtostabmeinthethroatandtheface.
Iparriedandprotectedmyself,steppingfurtherintothedead-endcorridor.Counteringwithmyfistsandhandle,Istruckbackathimthrougheveryopening.Withinsecondsourhandsandforearmswerebleeding.Strikesagainstourchestsandshoulderssentthinstreamsofblooddownourbodies.
Webouncedoffthepaddedwallsandintooneanother,fistsandhandlesflashing,breathinghardandfastasourfeetbegantosliponthestonefloor,untilthewrestlingstrugglesentusbothtotheground.
Luckierinthefall,IclosedanarmaroundAndrew’sneck,lockinghiminachokehold.Hisbackwastomychest.AshetriedtowrigglefreeIwrappedmylegsaroundhisthighs,holdinghimimmobile.Hethrashedaround,makingusslitherontheslipperystone,butmygriponhisthroatwassolid,andhecouldn’tshakemeoffortwisthimselffree.
‘Doyouquit?’
‘Fuckyou!’hespluttered.
Avoicespokefromaplaceofancientinstinct.
Thisisawolfinatrap.Ifyouletitgo,soonerorlater,it’llcomeback.
‘Lin!’adifferentvoicesaid.‘Linbrother!Lethimgo!’
ItwasAbdullah.Thestrengthdrainedfrommyarmsandlegs,andIletAndrewslideawayfromme,ontohisside.Hegasped,chokingandcoughing,asHathodaandseveralyounggangsterscrowdedintothecorridortoassisthim.
Abdullahreachedoutandpulledmetomyfeet.Breathinghard,IfollowedhimtotherowsofhookswhereI’dleftmythings.
‘Salaamaleikum,’Igreetedhim.‘Wherethefuckdidyoucomefrom?’
‘Waaleikumsalaam.Fromheaven,itseems,andjustintime.’
‘Heaven?’
‘Itwouldcertainlyhavebeenhell,ifyouhadfinishedhim,Lin.Theywouldhavesentsomeonelikemetokillyouforit.’
Igatheredmyshirt,knives,moneyandwatch.IntheentrancetothegymIusedawettoweltowipedownmyface,chestandback.Strappingontheknives,Ithrewtheshirtovermyshoulders,andnoddedtoAbdullah.
‘Letusride,mybrother,’hesaidsoftly,‘andclearourminds.’
AndrewDaSilvaapproachedme,stoppingtwopacesaway.
‘Thisisn’tover,’hesaid.
Isteppedincloseandwhispered,sothatno-oneelsecouldhear.
‘Youknowwhat,Andy,there’salaneatthebackofthisgym.Let’sgetitoverwith,rightnow.Justnodyourhead,andwe’llgetitdone.Nowitnesses.Justus.Nodyourhead,bigmouth.’
Ileanedbacktolookathisface.Hedidn’tmoveorspeak.Ileanedinagain.
‘Ididn’tthinkso.Andnowwebothknow.Sobackthefuckoff,andleavemealone.’
Igatheredmythings,andleftthegymwithAbdullah,knowingthatitwasafoolishthingtohumiliateAndrewDaSilva,evenprivately.Awolfhadescaped:awolfthatwouldprobablyreturn,whenthemoonwasbadenough.ChapterNineteen
WerodetogetherinsilencetoLeopold’s.Breakingwiththedisciplinethatusuallykepthimoutofanyplacethatservedalcohol,Abdullahparkedhisbikenexttomine,andwalkedinsidewithme.
WefoundDidierathisusualtablenearthesmallnortherndoor,facingthetwowideentrancearches,showingthebusycauseway.
‘Lin!’hecried,asweapproached.‘Iwassoalonehere!Anddrinkingaloneislikemakinglovealone,don’tyouthinkso?’
‘Don’ttakemethere,Didier,’Isaid.
‘Youareanunordainedpriestofdeniedpleasures,myfriend,’helaughed.
Hegavemeahug,shookhandswithAbdullah,andcalledforthewaiter.
‘Beer!Twoglasses!Andapomegranatejuice,forourIranianfriend!Noice!Hurry!’
‘Oh,yessir,I’llrush,andgivemyselfaheartattackjusttoserveyou,’Sweetiegrowled,slouchingaway.
Hewasonmylistoftopfivewaiters,andIknewsomegoodones.HerantheblackmarketfranchiseingoodsthatmovedthroughonedooratLeopold’sandwentouttheother,withouttheownersknowing.Hetookfranchisefeesfromeverystoreonthestreet,hustledacoupleofpimps,andranasmallbettingring.Andsomehow,hedrovethewholethingonnothingmorethansurlinessandpessimism.
Didier,AbdullahandIsatsidebysidewithourbackstothewall,watchingthewidebarandthecrowdedstreetbeyond.
‘So,howareyou,Abdullah?’Didierasked.‘IthasbeentoolongsinceI’veseenyourfearsome,handsomeface.’
‘Alhamdulillah,’Abdullahreplied,usingtheexpressionthatmeantThanksandpraisetoGod.‘Andhowgoesitwithyou?’
‘Inevercomplain,’Didiersighed.‘Itisoneofmysterlingqualities,astheEnglishsay.Mindyou,ifIdidcomplain,Icouldbeamasterofthecomplainingarts.’
‘So…’Abdullahfrowned.‘Itmeans…youarewell?’
‘Yes,myfriend,’Didiersmiled.‘Iamwell.’
Thedrinksarrived.Sweetieslammedthebeersinfrontofus,butcarefullywipedeverytraceofmoisturefromAbdullah’sglassofjuice,placingitinfrontofhimwithagenerousportionofpapernapkinstotheside.
AsSweetiebackedawayfromAbdullahhebowed,slightly,witheachbackwardstep,asifhewereleavingthetombofasaint.
Didier’smouthwrinkledwithirritation.Hecaughtmyeye,andIlaughed,splutteringbeerfoamfromthetopofmyglass.
‘Really,Lin,thesepeopleareinsupportable!Isithereeveryday,andeverynight,yearafteryear.Ihaveurinatedriversinthelavatorieshere,andsubjectedmyselftofoodsomiserable,foraFrenchman,thatyoucannotimagine,andallinthecauseofadedicated,andIthinkitnottooimmodesttosay,magnificent,decadence.Me,theytreatlikeatourist.Abdullahcomesonlyonceinayear,andtheyaredyingofloveforhim.Itisinfuriating!’
‘Intheyearsthatyouhavebeenhere,’Abdullahsaid,sippinghisfreshjuice,‘theyhavecometoknowthelimitofyourtolerance.TheydonotknowthelimitofwhatIwilldo.Thatistheonlydifference.’
‘Andifyoustoppedcominghere,Didier,’Iadded,‘they’dmissyoumorethananyoneelseintheplace.’
Didiersmiled,mollified,andreachedforhisglass.
‘Well,youareright,ofcourse,Lin.Ihavebeentold,morethanonce,thatIhaveanunforgettablecharacter.Letusmakeatoast!Tothosewhowillweep,whenwearegone!’
‘Maytheylaughinstead!’Isaid,clinkingglasseswithhim.
AsIsippedmybeer,astreettoutnamedSalehfloppedintoachairacrossfromme,knockingAbdullah’sglass,andspillingjuiceonthetable.
‘Whatafuckingidiotthatforeignguyis,’hesaid.
‘Standup,’Abdullahsaid.
‘What?’
‘Standup,orIwillbreakyourarms.’
SalehlookedatDidierandme.Didierflappedhisfingersathim,suggestingthathestand.SalehlookedatAbdullahagain,andslowlystood.
‘Whoareyou?’Abdullahdemanded.
‘Saleh,boss,’Salehanswerednervously.‘MynameisSaleh.’
‘AreyouaMuslim?’
‘Yes,boss.’
‘IsthishowaMuslimgreetspeople?’
‘What?’
‘Ifyousaywhatagain,Iwillbreakyourarms.’
‘Sorry,boss.Salaamaleikum.MynameisSaleh.’
‘Waaleikumsalaam,’Abdullahreplied.‘Whatisyourbusinesshere?’
‘I…I…but…’
Hewantedtosaywhatagain,andIhopedhewouldn’t.
‘Tellhim,Saleh,’Isaid.
‘Okay,okay,I’vegotthiscamera,’hesaid,puttinganexpensivecameraonthetable.
‘Idonotunderstand,’Abdullahfrowned.‘Wearesittingheretotakerefreshment.Whydoyoutellusthis?’
‘Hewantstosellit,Abdullah,’Isaid.‘Wheredidyougetit,Saleh?’
‘Fromthosefuckingidiotbackpackersbehindme,’hesaid.‘Thetwoskinnyblondeguys.Iwashopingyou’dwanttobuyit,Lin.Ineedmoneyquick,yousee.’
‘Idonotsee,’Abdullahsaid.
‘Hecheatedthebackpackersoutoftheircamera,andwantstocashinhere,’Isaid.
‘Theytotallyfellformystory,’hesaid.‘Fuckingidiots.’
‘Ifyouswearagaininmycompany,’Abdullahsaid.‘Iwillthrowyouintothetraffic.’
Saleh,likeanystreetguyinthesamecircumstances,wantedtoescape.Hereachedouttotakethecamera,butAbdullahraisedaforbiddingfinger.
‘Leaveitthere,’hesaid,andSalehwithdrewhishand.‘Bywhatrightdoyoudisturbthepeaceofothermenwithyourcommerce?’
‘R-right?’Salehstammered,mystified.
‘It’sokay,’Isaid.‘Peoplecomeuptomewithbusinessallthetime,Abdullah.’
‘Itisunacceptable,’hegrumbled.‘Howcanyoudobusinesswithmenlikethis,whohavenorespect,orhonour?’
‘Honour?’Salehmumbled.
‘See,Saleh,it’slikethis,’Isaid.‘Youseebackpackersasvictims,ripeforvictiming,butwedon’tseethemthatway.Weseethemasemissariesofempathy.’
‘What?’
Abdullahgrabbedhiswrist.
‘I’msorry,boss!Ididn’tmeantosayit!’
Abdullahreleasedhim.
‘What’sthefurthestyou’vebeenfromColabainyourlife,Saleh?’
‘IwenttoseeTajMahalatAgraonce,’hesaid.‘That’sfar.’
‘Whowentwithyou?’
‘Mywife.’
‘Justyourwife?’
‘No,Linbaba,mywife’ssisteralso,andmyparents,andmycousin-brotherandhiswife,andallthechildren.’
‘See,Saleh,thoseguyssittingoverthere,they’vegotmoregutsthanyouhave.Theyputtheirworldontheirbacks,gointowildplacesalone,andsleepundertheprotectionofpeopletheyonlymetafewhoursbefore.’
‘They’rejustbackpackers,man.Meatonthehoof.’
‘TheBuddhawasabackpacker,travellingaroundwithwhathecarried.Jesuswasabackpacker,losttotheworldforyearsintravelling.We’reallbackpackers,Saleh.Wecomeinwithnothing,carryourstuffforawhile,andgooutwithnothing.Andwhenyoukillabackpacker’shappiness,youkillmine.’
‘I’m…I’mabusinessman,’hemumbled.
‘Howmuchdidyoupaythem,Saleh?’
‘Ican’ttellyouthat,’Salehdemurred,hisfacedissolvinginsly.‘ButIcansaythatitwasn’tmorethantwentypercent.I’lltaketwenty-five,ifyou’vegotit.’
Abdullahseizedhimbythewristagain.Iknewthegrip.Itstartedoutbad,andgotworse.
‘Areyourefusingtotellthetruth?’Abdullahdemanded.
Heturnedtome.
‘Isthishowyoudoyourbusiness,Linbrother?Withuntruthfulmen?Iwillgiveyouthisman’stongue,inyourhand.’
‘Mytongue?’Salehsqueaked.
‘Ihavebeentold,’Didierrecollected,‘thatacertainloathsomewoman,namedMadameZhou,usesahumantongueasherpowderpuff.’
Salehpulledhishandfreeandran,leavingthecamera.Therewasapause,whilewehummedtheincidentinsilence.
‘Please,Abdullah,’Isaidafterawhile,‘don’tcutouthistongue.’
‘Somethingmorelenient?’
‘No.Letitgo.’
‘Ialwayssay,’Didierobserved,‘ifyoucan’tsaysomethingniceaboutsomeone,robhimandshoothim.’
‘Sagewords,’Abdullahmused.
‘Sagewords?’
‘Itisself-evident,Lin,’Didiersaid.
Abdullahnoddedagreement.
‘Justbecauseyoucan’tfindsomethingnicetosayaboutsomeone?’
‘Certainly,Lin.Imean,ifyoucannotfindevenonenicethingtosayaboutaman,hemustbeanabsoluteswine.Andallofus,whohaveexperienceoflife,knowthatsoonerorlater,anabsoluteswinewillcauseyougrief,orregret,orboth.Itissimplyaprudentprecautiontobeatandrobnegativepeople,beforetheybeatandrobyou.Self-defence,itseemstome.’
‘Ifthesewaitersknewyouaswedo,Didier,’Abdullahsaid,‘theywouldtreatyouwithmorerespect.’
‘Thatisundoubtedlytrue,’Didierconcurred.‘ThemoreoneknowsDidier,themoreonelovesandrespectsDidier.’
Istood,leavingmyglass.
‘But,you’renotgoing?’Didierprotested.
‘Ijustcameintogiveyousomething.I’vegottagethome,andgetchanged.We’regoingouttodinnertonight,withRanjitandKarla.’
Iunsnappedthestainlesssteelbraceletfrommywrist,andslidthewatchoffovermyhand.ForamomentIfeltthelittleclenchofregretinlosingsomethingthatI’dwantedtoomuch.IhandedthewatchtoDidier.
Heexaminedit,turningitovertoreadthetextontheback,andthenheldittohisear,listeningtotheclick-whirrofthemechanism.
‘But…itisafinewatch!’Didiergasped.‘Abeautifulinstrument.Isit…isitreallyforme?’
‘Sure,itis.Tryiton.’
Didiersnappedthebraceletshutonhiswrist,andturnedhishandupanddown,leftandright,toadmirethewatch.
‘Itsuitsyou,’Isaid,standingtoleave.‘Youcoming,Abdullah?’
‘Infact,mybrother,thereisabeautifulwoman,sittinginthecorner,’Abdullahsaidgravely,hiseyesfixedtomine.‘Shehasbeenstaringatme,forthelastfifteenminutes.’
‘Inoticed.’
‘IthinkIwillremainherewithDidier,forsometime.’
‘Waiter!’Didiercalledoutquickly.‘Anotherpomegranatejuice!Noice!’
Iscoopedupthecameraandtookastepawayfromthetable,butDidierstoodaswell,andrushedtostopme.
‘YouwillseeKarlatonight?’heasked,leaninginclosetome.
‘That’stheplan.’
‘Thisisyouridea?’
‘No.’
‘ItisKarla’sidea?’
‘No.’
‘Then,whowoulddosuchadiabolicalthing?’
‘Lisasetitup.Kindofashortnoticething.Ionlyheardaboutitanhourago.Igotanote,whileIwassittingatEdward’sbar.What’stheproblem?’
‘Canyounotfindsomeexcuse?Somewaynottobethere?’
‘Idon’tthinkso.Idon’tknowwhatshehasinmind,butLisa’snotesaidshewantsmetobethere.’
‘Lin,ithasbeenalmosttwoyearssinceyouhaveseenKarla.’
‘Iknow.’
‘But…inmattersoftheheart,oflove–’
‘Iknow.’
‘–thosetwoyearsaresimplytwoheartbeats.’
‘I–’
‘No,please!Letmesayit.Lin…youare…youareinadarkerplacethanyouweretwoyearsago.YouareadarkermanthatyouwerewhenyoufirstarrivedinBombay.Ihaveneversaidthistoyou.Iamashamedtosaythatapartofmewasgladtoseeit,atfirst.Itwascomforting.Iwasgladofthecompany,youmightsay.’
Hewasalmostwhispering,andspeakinginafluidrushofsyllablessoswiftthatitwasmorelikeaprayer,orincantation,thanasharedconfidence.
‘Whatareyoutalkingabout,Didier?’
‘IfeelforKarla,perhapsasmuchasyoudo,inmyway.Butbeingawayfromherdidthistoyou.Lovingherandlosinghersentyouintothisshadow,andmadeyouadarkermanthanGodintendedyoutobe.’
‘God?’
‘Iworry,Lin.Iworryaboutwhatwillopen,insideyou,ifyouseeheragain.Somebridges,theyshouldremainburned.Somerivers,theyshouldnotbecrossed.’
‘It’sokay.’
‘Perhaps,ifIweretoaccompanyyou?I’mmorethanamatchforherwit,astheworldknows.’
‘It’sokay.’
‘Then,ifyouaredeterminedtoseeher,perhapsIshouldarrangearatherinconvenientaccidentforRanjit?Onethatpreventshimfromattending?’
‘Noaccidents.’
‘Anunfortunatedelay,then?’
‘Howaboutweletnaturetakeitscourse,Didier.’
‘Thatisexactlymyfear,’hesighed,‘ifyouseeKarlaagain.’
‘It’sokay.’
‘Well…’hemurmured,loweringhiseyes,andglancingatthewatchI’dgivenhim.‘Thankyouforthewatch.Iwillalwaystreasureit.’
‘LookafterAbdullah,withthatprettygirlinthecorner.’
‘Iknow.Wetoughguys,wefallfast,andwefallhard.Alas,itisthestoryofmylife.Irememberthetime–’
‘SodoI,brother,’Ilaughed,turningtoleave.‘SodoI.’
Ipassedbythetwothinbackpackers,whowereeatingforfour,withfourhands.Iputthecameraonthetable.
‘It’sworthagrand,US,inthestoreshere,’Isaid,‘andanystreetguyinBombaywillgetsixforit,andanhonestonewillgiveyoufiveback.’
‘Hegaveusahundred,andpromisedtogetmore,’oneofthemensaid.
‘He’llbehangingaround,’Isaid.‘Andhe’llwanthishundredback.There’sawaiterhere,namedSweetie.Hedoesalittleontheside.He’sasurlymotherfucker,butyoucantrusthim.Youcandothedeal,giveSalehhismoneyback,andbeinfront.Besafe.’
‘Thankyou,’theybothsaid.
Theylookedlikebrothers,andwhereverthey’dbeeninIndia,ithadhungeredthem.
‘Willyoujoinus?’
‘I’monmywaytodinner,’Ismiled.‘Thanksallthesame.’
Iwalkedoutsidetothebike.AbdullahandDidierraisedtheirhandsinfarewell,Didierholdinganimaginarycamera,andsarcasticallytakingmyphoto,forhelpingouttwostrangers.
Iturnedaway,watchingthetrafficshufflebesidethebullyingshoulderofabus.DidierandAbdullah:mensodifferent,andyetbrothers,insomanyways.Ithoughtofthethingswethreeunwisemenhaddone,togetherandalone,sincewe’dmetasexilesintheIslandCity.Therewerethingsweregretted,andthingsburied.Buttherewerealsothingsoftriumph,andlight.Whenlovecutoneofus,theotherscauterisedwithsarcasm.Whenonehadtobecometwo,theothersbroughttheirguns.Whenhopefalteredinone,theothersfilledthehollownesswithloyalty.AndIfeltthatloyaltylikeahandonmychest,asIlookedbackatthem,andIhopedhardforthem,andformyself.
Fearisawolfonachain,onlydangerouswhenyousetitfree.Sorrowexhaustsitselfinthenetofforgetting.Anger,forallitsfury,canbekilledbyasmile.Onlyhopegoesonforever,becausehopedoesn’tbelongtous:itbelongstoourancestors,thefirstofourkind,whosebraveloveforoneanothergaveusmostofthegoodthatweare.
Andhope,thatancientseed,redeemstheheartitfeeds.Theheartbeatofanyconsciousnowispoisedonthesamechoicethathopegivesallofus,betweenshadowsofthepast,andthebright,blankpageofanynewday.ChapterTwenty
Thepastisanovel,writtenbyFate,weavingthesamethemes:loveanditsglory,hateanditsprisoners,thesoulanditsprice.Ourdecisionsbecomenarratives:fatedchoicesthatunknowablychangethecourseofthelivingriver.Inthepresent,wheredecisionsandconnectionsaremade,FatewaitsontheriverbankofStory,leavingustoourmistakesandmiracles,becauseit’sourwillalonethatleadsustooneortheother.
Pausingbesidemybikethatday,Imarkedthefacesonthestreet.Onefaceheldmyeyes.Itwasayoungwoman,blonde,blue-eyedandnervous.ShewasstandingonthefootpathoutsideLeopold’s,waitingforsomeone.Shewasfearfulbutdetermined,somehow:braveandafraid,inequalmeasure.
ItookoutthelocketthatI’dboughtfromBillyBhasu.Prisingitopen,Ilookedatthephotograph.Itwasthesamegirl.
Thereareahundredgoodgirlsoneverybadstreet,waitingforaguywhousuallyisn’tworthit.Thegirlwaswaitingforherboyfriendtoreturnwithdope.Shewasn’tauser:shewasthin,butstilltoohealthy,andtooawareoftheworld.Herboyfriendwastheuser,Iguessed,andshe’dsoldherlockettoBillyBhasu,astreettout,sothattheboyfriendcouldbuydrugs.
I’dbeenonthestreetlongenoughtoknowthesignsofsomebody’sdesperatehabit,evenexpressedsecond-hand.I’dbeenthathabitmyself,andI’dseenitintheeyesofeveryonewholovedme.
ThefactthatthegirlinthelocketwaswaitingoutsideLeopold’s,andnotinside,meantthatsheandherboyfriendwerepasttheearlytouristphase,withcolddrinksandhotfood,andsittinginarestaurantalldaylong.Thefactthatshewasonthestreet,andnotinahotelroom,meantthattheywereprobablybehindontherent.
Shewaswaitinguntiltheboyfriendcamebackwiththedrugshe’dboughtwiththeirlovelocket,andsomechangetosparefortheroom.
I’dseengirlslikethegirlinthelocketleavetheIslandCityasashes,spilledfromreluctanthands,notlongaftertheyarrived.Theywerebeautiful,aseverygirlis,andtherewasalwaysanotsobeautifulguywhowrotethatpartoftheirstoryforthem.
Icould’veriddenawaywithoutaword.Ididiteveryday:rodepastsadness,neglectandfutility.Youcan’tjumpthrougheveryhoopthatFateputsinfrontofyou.
Butthelocketcametolifeonthestreet,imitatingart,andIwalkedovertoher.
‘Ithinkthisisyours,’Isaid,holdingthelocketinmyopenpalm.
Shestaredatit,hereyeswidewithfear,butdidn’tmove.
‘Goahead.Takeit.’
Hesitantly,shereachedoutandscoopedthelocketandchainfrommypalm.
‘What…whatdoyou–’
‘Idon’twantanything,’Isaid,cuttingheroff.‘Thiscameacrossmydesk,sotospeak.That’sall.’
Thegirlsmiledawkwardly.
‘Allthebest,’Isaid.
Iturnedtoleave.
‘Imusthavelostit,’shesaidquickly,defendingherselfwithalie.
Ihesitated.
‘Whenmyboyfriendcomesback,we’llgiveyouareward,’shesaid,tryingonasmileshehadn’tusedinawhile.
‘Youdidn’tloseit,’Isaid.‘Yousoldit.’
‘Iwhat?’
‘Andthefactthatyousolditwithyourpicturesstillinit,meansyourboyfrienddiditinahurry.Thefacthediditinahurrymeanshediditunderpressure.Theonlypressurethatworksonpeoplelikeus,inthiscity,isdrugs.’
Sheflinched,asifI’dthreatenedher.
‘Peoplelikeus…’shesaid,aScandinavianaccentbumpingthewordsfromherlipswithapleasantlittlemusicthatdidn’tmatchthesadnessinhereyes.
Iwalkedaway.
Ilookedback.Shewasstillcringinginthatshockedflinch,hershoulderscurvedinwards.
Iwentback.
‘Look,’Isaidmoresoftly,glancingaroundinbothdirectionstocheckthestreet.‘Forgetit.’
Ihandedherarollofnotes,theprofitI’dmadethatday,andbegantoleave,butshestoppedme.Sheheldthemoneyinherclosedhand.
‘What…whatareyoutalkingabout?’
‘Forgetit,’Isaidagain,takingastepbackwards.‘Keepthemoney.ForgetIsaidanything.’
‘No!’shepleaded,foldingherarmsinonherselfprotectively.‘Tellmewhatyou’retalkingabout.’
Istopped,andsighedagain.
‘Youhavetoleavethisguybehind,whoeverheis,’Isaidatlast.‘Iknowhowthisplaysout.I’veseenitahundredtimes.Idon’tcarehowmuchyoulovehim,orhowniceaguyheis–’
‘Youdon’tknowanything.’
WhatIknewwasthatthenextpictureshe’dselltosomeonewouldbetheoneinherpassport.Iknewshestillhadherpassport,becauseithadn’tcometomeyet.Butshe’dsellit,Iwasprettysure,ifherboyfriendaskedherto.She’dselleverything,andwhentherewasnothinglefttosell,she’llsellherself
Andherboyfriendwouldfeelbad,buthe’dtakethemoneyshemadefromsellingherbody,andhe’dbuydopewithit.Iknewthat,justlikeeverystreettout,shopkeeperandpimparoundusknewit.Itwasthetruthofaddiction,waitingtohappen,andtheywerethetruthofthestreet,waitingtouseher.
‘You’reright,’Isaid.‘Idon’tknowanything.’
Iwalkedtothebike,androdeaway.Sometimesyoubuyin,sometimesyoudon’t:sometimesyoutry,andsometimesyouridepast.Agoldchainandaphotographconnectedmetothegirl,somehow,butthereweretoomanygirls,intoomuchtrouble,waitingsomewherefortroubledboyfriends.Andanyway,Iwasatroubledboyfriendmyself.
Iwishedthegirlinthelocketwell,andstoppedthinkingaboutherbythetimeIparkedmybikeathome.
LisawaspreoccupiedandquietasIshaved,showeredanddressed.Iwasglad.Ididn’twanttotalk.ThedinnerwithRanjitandKarlahadn’tbeenmyidea.
AlthoughwebothlivedinthenarrowpeninsulaoftheIslandCity,Ihadn’tseenKarlainpersonsinceI’dbeenlivingwithLisa.IsawpicturesofherandRanjitfromtimetotime,inRanjit’snewspapers,butFatenevercrossedourpaths.
Karlahauntsthemansionofmylife,too,Lisasaid.Iunderstoodwhatshemeant,butKarlawasn’taghost.Karlawasmoredangerous.
‘HowdoIlook?’Lisaaskedme,standingnearthefrontdooroftheapartment.
Shewaswearingaveryshort,sleevelessbluesilkdress.Shehadashellnecklace,theshellbraceletI’dgivenher,andherRoman-stylesandalslacedallthewayuptotheknees.
Hermake-upwasmoreelaboratethanusual,butitsuitedher:sky-blueeyesinablackaurora.Herthick,blondecurlswereaslooseandfreeasever,butshe’dcutthefringeofherhairherselfwithapairofkitchenscissors.Itwasirregular,haphazard,andbrilliant.
‘Youlookgreat,’Ismiled.‘Lovewhatyoudidtoyourhair.Didyouputmythrowingknifeback,whenyouwerefinishedwithit?’
‘Letmeshowyouwheretoputyourthrowingknife,buster!’shelaughed,punchingmehardinthechest.
‘Areyouserious,aboutseeingotherpeople?’Iseriouslyaskedher.
‘Yes,’shesaidquickly.‘Iam.Andyoushould,too.’
‘Isthatwhatthissuddendinnerpartyisabout?’
‘Inaway.Wecantalkaboutitlater.’
‘Ithinkweshouldtalkaboutitnow.Andaboutotherthings.’
‘First,talktoKarla.’
‘What?’
‘She’llbetheretonight.Talktoher.Findoutwhatshe’sthinking,andthenwe’lltalkaboutwhatyou’rethinking.’
‘Idon’tsee–’
‘Exactly.Let’sride,cowboy,orwe’llbelate.’
WerodetotheMaheshhotelduringalullintherain,arrivingatthecoveredentrancejustasanewshowerbegan.Iparkedthebikeinanalcove,awayfromthemainentrance.Itwasstrictlyforbiddentoparkthere,soitcostmefiftyrupees.
AtthebankofentrydoorsLisastoppedme,herhandinmine.
‘Areyoureadyforthis?’sheasked.
‘Readyforwhat?’
‘Karla,’shesaid,herlipsabright,bravesmile.‘Whatelse?’
WefoundRanjitsittingatatablesetforten.Twomutualacquaintances,CliffDeSouzaandChandraMehta,werewithhim.ThemenwerepartnersinaBollywoodfilmproductioncompany.Myassociationwiththemhadbegunafewyearsbefore,whenthey’dapproachedmetohelpthemdumpsomeoftheirundeclared,untaxedrupees,inexchangeforblackmarketdollars,withwhichtheycouldbribetaxationdepartmentofficials,becausethetaxmenonlyaccepteddollars.
Lisahadworkedwiththemforseveralmonthswhenshewasrunningasmalltalentagency,sourcingforeignerstoworkasextrasinIndianfilms.Whenshe’dseguedfromtheagencyintoworkattheartgallery,she’dkeptupcontactwithCliffandChandra.
Theirfilmshadbeenhitsinrecentyears.Theproducershadestablishedabannerthatattractedsomeofthebiggeststarsinthecity.ItwasameasureoftheirsuccessthatChandraandCliff,who’dalwaysadornedthemselvesonpublicoccasionswithayoungstarlet,hadfourprettygirlswiththemforthedinnerthatnight.
Wegreetedoneanother,metthefourgirls–Monica,Mallika,Simple,andSneha–andtookourseatsatthetable.Ranjitsatusoneithersideofhim,Lisaonhisright,andmeontheleft.TherewasnoplacesetforKarla.
‘Isn’tKarlacoming?’Lisaasked.
‘No,I’msorry,’Ranjitsaid,pressinghislipstogetherinaruefulsmile.‘She’s…she’snotfeelingahundredpercent.Sheasksyoualltoexcuseher,andshesendsherbestwishes.’
‘It’snothingserious,Ihope?ShouldIcallher?’
‘No,she’sfine,Lisa,’Ranjitsaid.‘She’sjustbeenoverdoingitabitlately.That’sall.’
‘Pleasebesuretogivehermylove.’
‘Iwill,Lisa.Iwill.’
Lisaglancedatme,butquicklyturnedaway.
‘Areyouallactresses,Mallika?’Lisaasked,turningtothegirlsittingnearesther.
Thegirlsallgiggledandnodded.
‘Yes,weare,’Mallikasaidshyly.
‘It’sahardcrawltothetop,’CliffDeSouzasaid,slurringhisspeechalittle,beginningdrunk.‘Wedon’tknowwhichoneofyouwillmakeittothenextlevel,yaar,andwhichoneswillfail,andneverbeseenagain.’
Thegirlsgigglednervously.ChandraMehtamovedintomitigate.
‘You’llallgetyourshot,’heassuredthegirls.‘You’llallgetface-on-screen.Guaranteed.Inthebank.ButlikeCliffsays,there’snowaytoknowwhichofyouwillhavethatspecialmagicwiththecamera,theItfactorthatmovesyouonwardsandupwards,sotospeak.’
‘I’lldrinktothat!’Cliffshouted,raisinghisglass.‘Onwardsandupwards!’
‘Haveyoubeenactinglong?’LisaaskedSimple,whentheglasseshitthetableagain.
‘Oh,yes,’Simplereplied.
‘Westartedmonthsago,’Monicaadded.
‘Veteransalready,’Cliffslurred.‘Anothertoast!Tothebusinessthatmakesusrich!’
‘Toshowbusiness!’Chandraagreed.
‘Tocreativeaccounting!’Cliffcorrectedhim.
‘I’llcertainlydrinktothat,’Chandralaughed,clinkingglasses.
BasketsofpakodasandnarrowstripsofKashmiriparathasarrivedatthetable.
‘Itookthelibertyoforderingforus,’Ranjitannounced.‘There’ssomenon-vegforCliff,LinandLisa,andawideselectionofvegdishesforeverybodyelse.Please,begin!’
‘Chandra,’Ranjitcontinued,aswebegantoeat.‘Didyouhappentoseethearticleinmypaperlastweek?Theoneabouttheyounggaydancer,whowasmurderednearyourstudio?’
‘Hedoesn’treadanythingbutcontracts,’Cliffreplied,pouringanotherglassofredwine.‘ButIsawit.Actually,itwasmysecretarywhosawit.Shewasblubberinglikeababy,cryinghereyesout,andwhenIaskedherwhatwasgoingon,shereadthearticleouttome.Whataboutit?’
‘Iwasthinkingthatitmightmakeagoodstorylineforamovie,’Ranjitsaid,passingabasketofpakodastoLisa.‘Mypaperwouldgetbehindit,ifyoudidit.AndI’dputmoneyinit.’
‘Damngoodidea!’Lisaagreed.
‘Sothat’swhatthisdinner’sabout,’Chandrasaid.
‘Andifitis?’Ranjitasked,smilingcharmingly.
‘Forgetit!’Chandraspluttered,gaspingonamouthfuloffood.‘Youthinkwe’recrazy?’
‘Hearmeout,’Ranjitinsisted.‘Oneofmycolumnists,he’saprettyfairwriter,andhe’swrittenafewscreenplaysalready,foryourcompetitors–’
‘Wedon’thaveanycompetitors,’Cliffcutin.‘We’reatthetopofthecinemafoodchain,hurlingcoconutsattheothersfarbelow!’
‘Anyway,’Ranjitpersisted,‘thisyoungwriterishotforthestory.He’salreadybeguntowriteascreenplay.’
‘Thatdancerfellowwasfoolish,’Cliffsaid.
‘Thatdancerfellowhadaname,’Lisasaidquietly.
Hermannerwascalm,butIknewshewasangry.
‘Yes,ofcoursehe–’
‘HisnamewasAvinash.Hewasabrilliantdancer,beforeamobofdrunkenthugsbeathimunconscious,pouredkeroseneonhim,andtossedmatchesathim.’
‘LikeIsaid–’Cliffbegan,buthisproductionpartnersilencedhim.
‘Look,Ranjit,’Chandrasaidnervously.‘Youcanplaytheherointhepagesofyournewspapers,writingaboutthatpooryoungfellow–’
‘Avinash,’Lisasaid.
‘Yes,yes,Avinash.Youcanwriteabouthim,andtaketherisks,andgetawaywithit.Butberealistic.Ifweputthatstoryinamovie,they’dcomeafterus.They’dclosedownthecinemas.’
‘They’dburndownthebloodycinemas,’Cliffadded.‘Andwe’dlosebucketsofmoney,fornothingatall.’
‘Somestories,itseemstome,’Ranjitsaidgently,‘aresoimportantthatweshouldtaketherisksinvolvedintellingthem.’
‘It’snotjusttheriskstoourselves,’Chandrarepliedreasonably.‘Thinkaboutit.Ifwedidsuchapicture,there’dberiots.Cinemascouldgetattacked.AsCliffsays,therecouldevenbefires.Peoplecoulddie.Isitwortharisklikethat,justtotellastory?’
‘Somebodyalreadydied,’Lisasaidthroughalmostclenchedteeth.‘Adancer.Awonderfullygifteddancer.DidyoueverseehimattheNCPA?’
Cliffsplutteredamouthfulofwineonthetable.
‘TheNationalCentreforthePerformingArts?’hescoffed.‘TheonlyperformingthatChandra’sinterestediniswhatprettygirlsdowhenthelightsarelow,isn’tthatright,brother?’
ChandraMehtawriggleduncomfortably.
‘Youshouldslowdownonthebooze,Cliff.Youstartedtooearlytonight.’
‘Speakforyourself,’hispartnersaid,glaringathimandpouringanotherglassofwine.‘AreyouworriedthatI’mgoingtotellRanjitIthinkhisphoneycampaignismoreabouthispoliticalambitionsthanitisaboutAvinash,thedeaddancer?Ranjitshouldbetheonetoworry,notus.Webuypagesofhisnewspaperseveryday.’
‘Whydon’tweleavebusinessintheoffice?’Ranjitsaid,throughathinsmile.
‘You’retheonewhobroughtitup,’Cliffreplied,wavinghisglassandspillingalittlewineonSneha’scolouredbangles.
‘DoyouhaveanypersonalopiniononwhathappenedtoAvinash?’LisaaskedCliff.‘Consideringthatithappenedfivehundredfeetfromyourmoviestudio,andAvinashdancedinthreeofyourmovies?’
‘Lin,’Chandracutinquickly.‘Helpmeouthere.Whatdoyouthink?I’mright,na?Ifwedidamovielikethis,there’dbebloodontheseats.Weshouldn’tneedlesslyoffendthesensibilities,andthe…thefeelings,youknow,ofanycommunity,isn’tthatso?’
‘It’syoursubject,guys,notmine.Youtwoownthemovies,Ranjitownsthenewspapers,andneitherofthemhaveanythingtodowithme.’
‘Oh,comeon,’Ranjitsaid,glancingatLisa.‘Let’shearwhatyouhonestlythinkaboutthis,Lin.’
‘Ialreadygaveyouanhonestanswer,Ranjit.’
‘Please,Lin,’Lisaurgedme.
‘Okay.Someoneoncesaidthatthesophisticationofanycommunityofpeopleisinverselyproportionatetotheircapacitytobearousedtoviolencebywhatpeoplesayinpublic,ordoinprivate.’
‘Ihave…absolutely…noidea…whatthefuckthatmeans,’Cliffsaid,hismouthgapingopen.
‘Itmeans,’Ranjitsaid,‘thatsophisticatedpeopledon’tgetupsetbywhatpeoplesayinpublic,ordointheprivacyoftheirownhomes.It’stheunsophisticatedthatdo.’
‘But…whatdoesthatmeanforme?’Chandraaskedme.
‘ItmeansthatIagreewithyou,Chandra.Youshouldn’tdothestory.’
‘What?’Lisagasped.
‘See?’Cliffsaid,wavinghisglass.‘I’mright.’
‘Whynot,Lin?’Ranjitasked,hischarmingsmilefading.
‘It’snottheirfight.’
‘Itoldyou!’Cliffsneered.
‘Butit’simportant,don’tyouagree,Lin?’Ranjitaskedme,butdirectinghisfrownatLisa.
‘Ofcourseit’simportant.Amanwaskilled,murdered,andnotforsomethinghedid,butforsomethinghewas.Butit’snottheirfight,Ranjit.Theydon’tbelieveinit,andAvinashdeservesbelievers.’
‘LastweekitwasAvinash,’Lisasaid,glaringatme.‘NextweekitcouldbeMuslimsorJewsorChristiansorwomenthey’rebeatingup,andsettingonfire.Oritcouldbemovieproducers.Thatmakesiteverybody’sbusiness.’
‘Youshouldonlydoit,ifyoubelieveinit,’Isaid.‘CliffandChandradon’t.Theydon’treallycareadamnaboutAvinash,nooffence.It’snottheirfight.’
‘Exactly!’Cliffprotested.‘Ijustwanttomakelotsofmoney,maybewinafewawardsnowandthen,andliveahappylifeontheredcarpet.Isthatsobad?’
Thefirstcoursearrived,itwasimpossibletotalk,andeveryoneturnedtheirattentiontothesmallswarmofwaitersservingaflowerbedoffood.
Amessengerfromtheconciergedeskapproachedasthefoodwasbeingserved.Hebowedtotheguests,andthenbenttowhisperinmyear.
‘ThereisaMrNaveenatthereception,sir.Hesaysitisratherurgentthathespeaktoyou.’
Iexcusedmyself,andmademywaytothelobby.IhadnotroublefindingNaveenandDivya:anyonewithintenmetrescouldhearthemfighting.
‘Iwon’t!’Divyashouted.
‘You’rebeingso–’
‘Forgetit!’shesnapped.‘I’mnotdoingit!’
‘Hey,man,’Naveensighed,asIjoinedhim.‘Sorrytobustintoyourdinner.’
‘Noproblem,’Ireplied,shakinghandswithhim,andnoddingtothesulkysocialite.‘What’sup?’
‘Wewerecomingdownfromaprivatepartyontheeighteenthfloor–’
‘Apartythatwasjustgettinggood!’Divyapouted.
‘Apartythatwasabouttogetbustedforrioting,’Naveencorrectedher,‘whichwaswhywewereleaving.Andwhogetsintothelift,onthewaydown?Noneotherthanourmysteryman–’
‘MrWilson.’
‘Thesame.’
‘Didyoutalktohim?’
‘Icouldn’tresistit.Iknowweagreedtowaituntilwecouldtalktohimtogether,butitseemedlikeaGod-givenopportunity,soIthoughtI’dplaythehand.’
‘Whatdidyousay?’
‘ItoldhimScorpioGeorgewasafriendofmine,andIknewhewaslookingforhim.Iaskedwhatitwasallabout,andwhyhewasdoggingmyfriend.’
‘And?’
‘He’salawyer,’Divyacutin.
‘Willyouletmetellit,please?’Naveengrumbled,grindinghisteeth.‘Hesayshe’salawyer,andthathehasanimportantmessageforScorpio,onlyhecallshimMrGeorgeBradley.IsthatScorpio’slastname?’
‘Yeah.DidWilsonsaywhatthemessagewasabout?’
‘Hekeepsthelidscreweddownprettytight,thisguy.I’dlikehimformylawyer.Buthedidsayitwasn’tanythingthatcouldharmScorpio.’
‘Itwasmewhogothimtotellyouthat!’Divyahissed.
‘Yeah,bythreateningtoripyourblouseandshoutthatheattackedyouinthelift.Alittleoverthetop,ifyouaskme.’
‘That’swhatthetopisfor,stupid!It’sforgoingover.Whatelsewouldthetopbefor?’
‘Hesayanythingelse?’Iasked.
‘No.Hewon’tsayanythingmore.Professionalethics,hesaid.’
‘Ifyou’djustletmescream,’Divyasaid,‘you’dknowitallbynow.Butoh,no!Screamingisn’tanacceptabletactic,forthegreatdetective!’
‘Andifyouscreamedyourwayintoapolicecell,wouldIbedoingmyjob?’Naveendemanded.
‘Howcomeyouguysarestilltogether?’Iasked.‘Didn’tyousortoutthewannabeBollywoodactorguyalready?’
‘Wedid,’Naveensighed.‘Butherfatherhasthisbigbusinessdealgoingdown–’
‘MukeshDevnanidoesn’tdobigdeals,chamcha,’Divyainterrupted.‘Myfatherdoeshuge,humungousdeals.’
‘Herfatherhasthishuge,humungousdealgoingdown,’Naveencontinued,‘andapparentlythere’sbeensomebadbloodamongthepartieswhoaren’tpartytothedeal.There’vebeensomethreats.Nastystuff.Herdad’splayingsafe.Heaskedmetostayonwiththisbratforacoupleofweeks,untilthedeal’sdone.’
‘I’mnotabrat!’Divyasnapped,stickingouthertongue.‘Andtheendofthisarrangementcan’tcomefastenoughforme,I’mtellingyou!’
‘Didyoujuststickyourtongueoutatme?’Naveenasked,astounded.
‘It’salegitimateresponse,’shepouted.
‘Sure,ifyou’refouryearsold.’
‘So…’Icutin.‘WhathappenedwithWilson?’
‘Iknewyouwerehere,’Naveensaidquickly.‘Oneoftheguestsatthepartyupstairssaidhesawyou,onthewayup.HesaidyouwerehavingdinnerwithRanjitChoudry.Ithoughtthismightbetheonlychancetobringthisthingtoaconclusion,soItoldWilsontomeetusoutside,ontheseawall.He’swaitingtherenow.Whatdoyouthink?’
‘Ithinkweshouldtalkwiththisguy.Ifhe’swhathesaysheis,weshouldtakehimtotheZodiacGeorges.Divya,willyoustayherewithmygirlfriend,Lisa?’
‘Don’tyoustart!’shegrowled.
‘That’swhatwewerefightingabout,before,’Naveenexplained.‘ItoldherifyouwantedtogowithmetoseetheGeorgeswiththisguyWilson,sheshouldstayhereatthehotel,insafety.Shewon’tbuyit.’
‘Areyoukidding?’shesnapped.‘Themostinterestingthingtohappenforlike,agrillionyears,goingwiththismysterymantoseetheseZodiacguys,whoeverthefucktheyare,andyouwantmetosititoutlikeagoodlittlegirl?Noway.I’mabadgirl.I’mcomingwith.’
IglancedatNaveen.Hishalf-smileandresignedshrugtoldmehowmuchhe’dbecomeaccustomedtogivingintothegirl,inthedaysthey’dbeentogether.
‘Okay.Waithere.I’lltellLisa.’
Iwentbacktothetable,putmyhandsonthebackofherchair,andleanedinclosetowhisperinherear.Itoldherthesituation,andthenmadeanapologytothetable.
‘Ladiesandgentlemen,I’msorrytosaythatI’vebeencalledtoanemergency,involvingafriend.Pleaseexcuseme.’
‘WeagreedtohavedinnerwithRanjit,’Lisasaid,furiousandloud.
‘Lisa–’
‘Andifyouhaven’tnoticed,that’swhatwe’reinthemiddleofdoing.’
‘Yeah,but–’
‘It’sjustrude,’shesaidflatly.
‘It’sanemergency.It’sScorpio,Lisa.’
‘Isthatwhyyou’releaving?’shedemandedangrily.‘OrisitbecauseKarlaisn’there?’
Istaredather,feelinghurtwithoutknowingexactlywhy.ScorpioandGeminiwereourfriends,anditwasimportantforthem.
Shestaredbackatmeevenly,hereyesbetrayingnothingbutanger.Ranjitbrokethesilence.
‘Well,we’llbeverysorrytoseeyouleave,Lin.Butrestassured,Lisawillbeingoodhands.Andperhapsyou’llreturnfromyour…pressingmatter…intimefordessert.Idaresaywe’llbehereforawhileyet.’
Helookedatme,hissmileasopenandingenuousasever.Lisadidn’tmove.
‘Really,’Ranjitsaid,puttinghishandoverLisa’sonthetable.‘We’lldoourbesttokeepLisaentertained.Don’tworry.’
‘Justgo!’Lisasaid.‘Ifit’ssoimportant,justgo.’
Istaredatthemforamoment;staredatRanjit,andtheirhandstogetheronthetable.AperverseandcompletelyhonestinstinctmademewanttohitRanjithard.Anywherewoulddo.
Isaidgoodbye,andIwalkedaway.IknownowthatifI’dfollowedthatinstinct,ifI’ddraggedRanjitfromthehotel,slappedhimaroundandputhimbackinhisboxofsnakes,allofourliveswould’vebeenbetter,andsafer,maybeevenhis.
ButIdidn’t.Iroseabove.Ididtherightthing.IwasthebettermanIsometimesam.AndFatewroteanewchapterforallofusthatnight,onstarredpages,anddark.ChapterTwenty-One
Outside,fitfulgustscaressedafinemistoffthebay,driftingacrossthewideroadinglitteringveilsofdelicatemoisture.Themonsoon,broodingforanotherassaultonthecity,paceditscloudshorizon-wideoverthesea.
Thelawyer,MrWilson,wasleaningcasuallyagainstthehip-highseawall.Heworeadarkbluesuit,andcarriedanumbrellaandafedorainhislong,palefingers.Abandedtiewasstranglinghiscrispwhiteshirt.Despondentlawyerssometimeshangthemselveswiththeirbusinessties.LookingatWilson,Iwonderedataprofessionthatwearsitsownnoose.
AsIapproachedhimIrealisedthathishairwasactuallysilver-white,beyondthethirty-fiveorsoyearsofhisthin,unlinedface.Hiseyeswereasoftbluethatseemedtosuffusethewhitesurroundingthem:blueeverywhere.Theyglitteredwithwhatmight’vebeencourage,orjustgoodhumour.Eitherway,Ilikedthelookofhim.
‘ThisisLin,MrWilson,’Naveenintroducedus.‘TheyalsocallhimShantaram.’
‘Howdoyoudo,’Wilsonsaid,offeringmeacard.
Thecard,bearingthenameE.C.Wilson,announcedthatheworkedforapartneredlawfirm,withofficesinOttawaandNewYork.
‘Iunderstand,fromMrAdair,thatyoucantakemetomeetMrBradley,MrGeorgeBradley,’WilsonsaidwhenIpocketedthecard.
‘Iunderstandthatyoucantellmewhatthehellyouwantwithhim,’Irepliedcalmly.
‘That’stellinghim!’Divyalaughed.
‘Please,shutup!’Naveenhissed.
‘IfyouareindeedfriendsofMrBradley–’
‘Areyoucallingmealiar,MrWilson?’Naveenasked.
‘It’sEvan,’Wilsonrespondedcalmly.‘EvanWilson.AndI’mcertainlynotdoubtingyourword.I’mmerelysayingthatyouwillunderstand,asfriendsofMrBradley,thatwhateverbusinessIhavewithhimishisprivatebusiness.’
‘Andit’llstayprivate,’Iagreed.‘Soprivatethatyou’llneverseehim,ifyoudon’tgivemesomeideaofwhatyouwantwithhim.ScorpioGeorgehasanervousdisposition.Welikehimthatway.Wedon’tdisturbhimwithoutareason.Youseethat,right?’
Wilsonstaredbackatme,unruffledandresolute.Afewstrollersbravingthewindandimminentrainpassedusonthewidefootpath.Twotaxispulledupnearus,hopingforafare.Otherthanthat,thestreetwasquiet.
‘Irepeat,’Wilsonsaidatlast,equablybutfirmly,‘Thisaprivate–’
‘That’sit!’Divyasnapped.‘Whydon’tyoutwojustkicktheshitoutofhim?He’lltalksoonenough,ifyougivehimasolidpasting.’
Wilson,NaveenandIturnedtolookatthesmall,slimsocialite.
‘What?’shedemanded.‘Goon!Fuckhimup!’
‘Ishouldwarnyou,’Wilsonsaidquickly,‘thatItooktheprecautionofhiringtheservicesofasecurityofficer,fromthehotel.Heiswatchingusnow,nearthatparkedcar.’
NaveenandIturned.Therewasablack-suitedbouncerfromthehotel,standingintheshadows,fivemetresaway.Iknewtheman.HisnamewasManav.
MrEvanWilsonhadmadeamistake,becausehedidn’tknowthelocalrules.Whenyouneededprivatesecurity,inthoseyears,youhiredaprofessional,whichmeanseitheragangster,oranoff-dutycop.
GuyslikeManavweren’tpaidenoughtotakerealrisks.Asworkingmen,onlowsalaries,theyhadnoprotectionifthingsgotmessy.Iftheygothurt,theyhadnoinsurance,andcouldn’tsueanyone.Iftheyhurtsomeoneelse,andgotchargedforit,theywenttoprison.
Moretothepoint,Manavwasabig,well-muscledguy,andlikealotofbig,well-muscledguys,heknewthatabrokenbonewouldputadentinhistrainingroutine:he’dlosehalfayearofsculpturedgains.Setbackslikethatmakemostbodybuilderstakealong,hardlookinthewallmirroratthegym.
‘It’sokay,Manav,’Icalledouttohim.‘Youcangobacktothehotelnow.We’llcallyou,ifweneedyou.’
‘Yes,sir,Linbaba!’hesaid,visiblyrelieved.‘Goodnight,MrWilson,sir.’
Thebodyguardtrundledbacktothehotel,joggingabow-leggedtrot.Wilsonwatched.Tohiscredit,thelawyersmiledandremainedcalm.
‘Itwouldseem,gentlemen,’hesaidgently,‘thatyouhavesuddenlymovedrathercloserintothecircleofMrGeorgeBradley’sconfidentiality.’
‘Yougotthatright,youdamnhonky!’Divyaspatathim.
‘Willyoupleaseshutup!’Naveenspluttered.‘Andwhatdoesthatmean?Honky?Whatareyou,fromHarlemnow,orwhat?’
‘I’mfromthefamousnationofFuckYou,’sheretorted.‘Wouldyouliketohearournationalanthem?’
‘Youweregettingmoreconfidential,MrWilson,’Isaid.
‘It’sEvan.IcanrevealthatMrBradleyistherecipientofalegacy.AstheonlylivingrelativeofJosiahBradley,recentlydeceasedowneroftheAeneasTrust,registeredinOttawa,hestandstogainasubstantialsum,ifIcanfindhimandmaketheappropriatedeclarationsbeforedulyauthorisednotaryofficers.’
‘Howsubstantial?’Naveenasked.
‘Ifyouwillpermitme,IwillleavethattoMrBradley’sdiscretion.Iratherthinkitishisbusinesstotellyouthefullamountofhisinheritance,ornot,asthecasemaybe.’
Wilsonneedn’thaveworriedaboutScorpioGeorgetellingus.WhenwetookWilsoninataxitotheFrantichotel,enticedtheZodiacGeorgestocomedowntoameeting,andleftthemalonewithhimonthestreet,itwasfifteensecondsbeforeGeminiGeorgeshoutedoutthesum.
‘Thirty-fivemillion!HolyCroesus-Christ!Thirty-fivemillion!Dollars,forChrissakes!’
‘Tellthewholedamnstreet,whydon’tyou?’Scorpioscolded,glancingaroundnervously.
‘Whatareyouscaredof,Scorp?Wedon’thavethemoneyyet!Theywon’tkillusinourbedsformoneywedon’thave.’
‘Theycouldkidnapus,’Scorpioinsisted,wavingforustojointhemandWilson.‘Isn’tthatright,Lin?Therearepeoplewhocouldkidnapus,anddemandaransom.Theycouldcutoffanear,orafinger,andsenditinthepost.’
‘TheBombaypost?’Geminiscoffed.‘Goodluck.’
‘They’reprobablyplanningthekidnappingrightnow,’Scorpiowhined.
‘Christ,Scorpio!’Geminiprotested,dancingalittlewithdelight.‘Fiveminutesagoyouwerefreakin’outaboutbein’mind-controlledbythefriggin’CIA.Now,you’reblubberin’onaboutbein’kidnapped.Can’tyoujustsitbackforonceandsmellthegoodkarma?’
‘IratherthinkthatMrBradleyhasapoint,however,’Wilsonremarked.
‘MrBradley?’Geminiscoffed.‘MrFuckin’Bradley!That’sworthamillion,rightthere,justtohearthat!Scorpio,giveWilsonamilliondollars.’
‘Onethingiscertain,MrBradley,’Wilsoncontinued.‘Youcannotstayinthishotel.Notwhensuchasignificantchangeinyourfinancialcircumstanceshasshiftedyouintoa,shallwesay,moresignificantincomebracket?’
‘Hemeansamorevulnerableincomebracket,’Scorpiomumbled.‘He’salreadytalkingkidnapping,Gemini.D’youhearthat?’
‘Calmdown,Scorpio,’Isaid.
‘He’sright,actually,’Divyachippedin.
‘Yousee?’Scorpiohissed.
‘Mydad,he’sanexpertinkidnappingsecurity,’Divyasaid.‘I’vebeentrainedinitsinceIwasfiveyearsold.Allrichpeopleare.Nowthatyou’rerich,you’llhavetolearncounter-kidnappingtechniques,andhaveallyourfriendscarefullyvettedbythepolice.You’llneedtostayinasafeplace,too,andhaveanarmouredlimousine.Nodoubtaboutit.Bodyguardsandmoneygotogetherlikehandbagsandshoes.’
‘Oh,no,’Scorpiomoaned.
‘Andyou’rerightaboutthefingersandears,’Divyaadded.‘Butkidnappersusecouriers,notthepost.’
‘Oh,no.’
‘OnecaseIknow,theycutallthefingersbutone,beforethefamilypaidtheransom.’
‘Oh…’
‘Divya,please,’Naveensighed.
‘Inanothercase,theycutoffbothears.Tragic.Hadtogiveawayhiscollectionofdesignersunglasses.’
‘Oh…’
‘Divya.’
‘Andhatsneverlookedquitethesame,’Divyamused,‘butatleasttheygothimback.Andhe’sstillrich.’
‘Divya,you’renothelping!’Naveensnapped.
‘Excuseme?’sheretorted.‘FarasIcansee,thereareonlytwomillionairesinvolvedinthisconversation,MrBradleyandMissMe.Hello?So,I’mtheonlyonequalifiedtotalkaboutrichkidnappingvictims,na?’
‘Oh,no,’Scorpiomoaned.
‘Where’stheparty?’Geminilaughed,stilldancing.
‘IhavetakenthelibertyofreservingsuitesattheMaheshhotel,onmyfloor,’Wilsonannounced.‘IwashopingthatsoonerorlaterIwouldbesuccessfulinlocatingyou,andthatIwouldbeabletoextendameasureofhospitality.Myfirmhasalsoarrangedforalineofcredittobeopenedforyouimmediately,MrBradley,foryoutouseuntilthelegalmattersareallresolvedandyoucanreceiveyourfullinheritance.’
‘That’s…that’samazing,’Scorpiostammereduncertainly.‘Alineofcredit?’
‘Howmuchcredit?’Geminiasked.
‘Ilodgedahundredthousanddollarsinyourdiscretionaryaccount.Youhaveimmediateaccesstoit.’
‘Ilikethisguy,’Geminisaidsoftly.‘Givehimanothermilliondollars,Scorpio.’
‘Wearehopingthatyouwillretainourservices,MrBradley,’Wilsonsaid.‘Justasyourdepartedgreat-uncleJosiahBradleydidforsomanyyears.We’refullypreparedtoofferyouthebestpossibleprofessionaladvice,onthemanagementofyourlegacy.Weareatyourcompleteservice.’
‘Whatarewewaitin’for?’GeminiGeorgecried.‘Let’sgo!’
‘Whataboutourstuff?’ScorpioGeorgeasked,glancingbackattheFrantichotel.
‘Trustme,’Divyasaid,takingScorpio’sarm,andleadinghimtowardthewaitingtaxis.‘You’llsendaservanttodothat.Fromnowon,yourservantswilldoeverythingthatisn’tfun.’
‘Whiskey!’Geminisaid,fallingintostepbehindthem,andleaningoverDivya’sshoulder.
‘Andalongshower,’Divyasaid.
‘Andchampagne!’
‘Andasecondshower.’
‘Andcocaine!Hey,Iknow!Let’smixthecocaineinthechampagne!’
‘I’mbeginningtolikeyou,’Divyasaid.
‘AndIalreadylikeyou,’Geminisaid.‘Let’sgetthatpartystarted!’
‘You’lljoinus,ofcourse,MrWilson?’Divyaasked,takinghisarmaswell.
‘Ifyou’llpardontheindiscretion,Miss…?’
‘Devnani.DivyaDevnani.CallmeDiva.Everyonedoes.’
‘Ifyou’llpardontheindiscretion,MissDevnani,’Wilsonsaid,smilingandmakingnomovetodisengagehisarmfromhers,‘didn’tyouadviseyourfriends,nothalfanhourago,tokicktheshitoutofme?’
‘Sillyboy,’shechided.‘ThatwasbeforeIknewyouwereadministeringthirty-fivemilliondollarestates.Andit’sDiva,remember?’
‘Verywell,MissDiva.I’dbedelightedtoshareaglassincelebration.’
AftertheshortridebacktotheMaheshhotel,WilsoncollectedtheroomkeysandarrangedtohavethedeskmanagervisitScorpioGeorge’ssuiteinanhour,tosigninthenewguests.
Ashewasabouttoleavethereceptionarea,Iputahandonhisarm.
‘Areyouplanningtomakeacomplaint?’Iaskedhimquietly.
‘Acomplaint?’
‘AboutManav.’
‘Manav?’
‘Yoursecurityguard.’
‘Oh,him,’hesmiled.‘Hewasratherderelictinhisduty.But…IthinkthatwasbecauseheknewIwasinsafehands,withyouandyoungMrNaveen,evenifhedidexposemetotheriskofMissDiva.’
‘Isthatano?’
‘Itisindeedano,sir.Iwillnotmakeacomplaintagainsthim.’
‘Thanks,’Isaid,shakinghandswithhim.
IlikedEvanWilson.Hewascalm,discreetandresolute.He’dshowncouragewhenwe’dconfrontedhim.Hehadasenseofhumour,wasprofessionalbutpragmatic,andseemedtobeagoodjudgeofflawedcharacters,inlife’stightcorners.
‘Don’tmentionit,’hesaid.‘Shallwejointheothers?’
‘No,I’vegotsomewhereIalreadyhadtobe,’Ireplied,lookingatthelaughinggroup,Naveen,Divya,andtheZodiacGeorges,waitingbythedoorstotheelevators.
Ilookedbacktothesilver-hairedCanadianlawyer.
‘Goodluck,MrWilson.’
Iwatchedhimwalkaway,andthenmademywaybacktotheground-floorrestaurant.Ranjit’stablewasempty,andhadbeenclearedandpreparedforanewsetting.
Isignalledthemanager.
‘Whendidtheyleave?’
‘Sometimeago,MrLin.MissLisaleftanoteforyou.’
Hefishedthenotefromhisvestpocketandhandedittome.Itwaswrittenintheredinkshepreferred.
GonetoapartywithRanjit,thenotesaid.Don’twaitup.
Igavethemanageratip,andtookafewsteps,beforeathoughtmademeturnandcallback.
‘Didtheyhavedessert?’Iasked.
‘Ah…no,sir.No.Theyleftimmediatelyafterthefirstcourse.’
Ipushedthroughthemaindoorsofthehotel.OutsideinthewarmnightairIsawManav,thehotelbodyguard,standingondutywithanothersecurityofficer.Henoticedme,andsearchedmyeyesexpectantly.
Hewasagoodkid,withanicecombination:big,strongandkind.HewasworriedthatMrWilsonwouldmakeacomplaintforabandoningaguestofthehotel.Itwouldcosthimhisjob,andendanyhopeofabettercareerinthehospitalityindustry.Isignalledhimtocomeover.
‘Kyahalhain,Manav?’Iasked,shakinghands.Howareyoudoing?
Therewasatiprolledintothepalmofmyhand,butheclosedhishugehandsovermineandresistedtheofferofmoney.
‘No,no,Linbaba,’hewhispered.‘Idon’t…Ican’ttakeanything.’
‘Sureyoucan,’Ismiled,forcinghimtoclutchatthemoneyorletitfalltotheground.
‘That’sjustwhatMrWilsonwould’vegivenyou,ifyou’dfinishedyourshiftwithhimtonight.’
‘M-MrWilson…’
‘It’sokay.Ijustspoketohim.’
‘Yes,Linbaba.Isawyoucominginside,before.Iwaswaitinghere,butIdidn’thavethegutstotalktohim.’
‘Hewon’tmakeacomplaint.’
‘It’ssure,Linbaba?Really?’
‘It’ssure.Hetoldme.It’sokay.’
ThegleaminManav’sblack-browneyesfollowedmeasIcollectedmybikeandrodealongMarineDrivetothepeakofMalabarHill.
Istoppedatavantagepointlookingdownonthewindowedjewelsoflightliningthebay-widesmileofMarineDrive.Irolledmyselfahashjointandbegantosmokeit.
Abeggar,whomadethelong,windingclimbtothesummiteverynightforasafeplacetosleep,cametositnearby.Ihandedhimthejoint.Hegrinnedandpuffedatithappily,usinghishandasachillumtodrawthesmokewithouttouchingittohislips.
‘Mastmal!’hemuttered,smokestreamingoutthroughhisnostrils.Greatstuff!
Noddingsagely,hepuffedagain,andpassedthejointbacktome.
ItookthepieceofhashI’dusedtomakethejoint,andgaveittohim.Themanbecamesuddenlyserious,lookingfromthelargepieceofhashishinhispalmtomyeyes,andbackagain.
‘Gohome,’hesaidatlastinHindi.‘Gohome.’
Irodebackthroughstormingrain,parkedmybikeintheshelterbeneathmybuilding,slippedadamptwenty-rupeenoteintotheshirtpocketofthesleepingwatchman,andenteredmyapartment.
Lisawasn’tthere.Istrippedoffthewetclothesandboots,showered,atesomebreadandfruit,drankamugofcoffee,andlaybackonthebed.
Theelectricfanturnedoverheadjustfastenoughtosendacoolingflourishintothehumidair.Anewdownpourdrummedagainstthemetalgableoverthebedroomwindow,sendingrivuletsassilverasmercurystreamingpastthehalf-openwindow.
Ismokedajointinthedark,andwaited.ItwasafterthreewhenLisareturned,herfootstepstappingthedissonantdanceofthedrunkonthemarblefloortilesoftheentryhall.
Shetumbledintotheroom,throwingherhandbagagainstachair.Itmissed,androlledoffontothefloor.Shekickedoneloose,untiedsandaloff,andhop-stumbledoutoftheother.
Turninginstrugglinglittlecircles,shewriggledoutofherdressandpanties,trailingthemfromoneankleasshethumpedontothebed.
Icouldn’tseeherpupils,inthedarkenedroom.Onelookatthemwould’vetoldmewhatshe’dtaken:alldrugsliveanddieintheeyes.Ireachedouttoswitchonthebedsidelamp,butshestoppedme.
‘Leaveitoff!IwanttobeCleopatra.’
WhenshewasdeepinsleepItookawettowelandcooledherdown.Idriedheroff,andsherolledontohersideofthebed,andsettledintoblamelesssleep.
Ilaybackinthedarkness,besideher.Batschitteredpasttheopenwindow,seekingshelterfromthedawn.Thewatchman,who’dwokenfromhisnaptodoroundsofthebuilding,tappedhisbamboostickagainstthegroundtowarnawayforagingrats.Thesoundfaded,andtheroomwasstillandquiet.Herbreathingwaswavesonagentleshore.
IwashappyfortheZodiacGeorges,suddenmillionaires,andhappytoseethatNaveenandDivyawerestilltogether,nomatterhowmuchtheyfought.AndIwasgladthatLisawashomeandsafe.
ButIwassickinside.Ididn’tknowwhatLisawanted,butIwassureitwasn’tme.Thereweretimes,Ithink,whenIwantedhertowantme,andloveme,andletmeloveherinreturn.ThereweretimeswhenIhopedthatitwouldhappen.Butwantingmorewasasignofhowlittlewehad.Wewerefriendswhodidn’ttryhardenoughtomakeitmore.
Myeyesbegantoclose.Inahalf-dreamIsawRanjit,hisfacecontorted,afiend,amalignantthing.Istartedawake,andlistenedforawhiletothesoftechoofthesea,Lisa’sbreath,untilmyeyesclosedagain.
Andweslept,togetherandalone,asrainswashedthecitycleanerthanthekneelingstoneinaprisonconfessional.ChapterTwenty-Two
ThefilthyGeorges,asmanyhadcalledthem,werefilthyrich.ThewholeofSouthBombaybabbled,marvellingatthefatethatallowedthemeekestofthecity’smeekforeignerstobecomeinheritorsoftheearth.Theonce-shunnedbeggarsweresuddenlyshuntedintosocialacceptability.Howthefallenaremighty,Didierlaughedhappily.
ForthreeweeksthedooroftheZodiacGeorges’suiteopened,dayandnight,toadmitapromissoryofexperts,devotingtheirtalentstosqueezingthesquare-pegstreetdwellersintotheroundholesofsuddenwealth:tailors,barbers,podiatrists,jewellers,numerologists,watchmakers,yogainstructors,manicurists,stylists,meditationmasters,astrologers,accountants,legalrepresentatives,personalservants,andafrenzyofstresscounsellors.
Securingtheessentialservicesofthoseprofessionals,anddrivingtheirfeestovultureleavings,wasataskthatDivyaDevnaniappliedherselftowithconsiderableenergy,andnolittleflair.Shetookasuiteatthehotelforthoseweeks,andwasalmostconstantlyinthecompanyofthefledglingmillionaires.ReinventingScorpioandGeminiwasaduty,shetoldme.
‘IwasrighttherewhentheGeorgescameintotheirmoney,’shesaid.‘Me,whojusthappenstobetherichestgirlinBombay,andagirlofsupernaturallygoodtaste.Thisiskarma.Thisiskismet.WhoamItosnubmynose?It’smydutytohelpthemrisefromtheashes.’
TheZodiacGeorges,foralltheirlovingfriendship,hadcompletelydifferentstrategiesforcopingwiththemovefromashestoA-listers.
GeminiGeorgesuggestedthattheyshouldgivemostofthemoneyaway.TheGeorgesneverlied,nevercheatedtheircustomers,andneverraisedahandtoanyone.LifeintheslumsandbackalleysofBombayhadgiventhemalonglistoffriendsanddeservingrecipients:peoplewho’dhelpedthem,managersofcheaprestaurantsandlittleshopswho’dextendedthemlife-savinglinesofcredit,ashuffleofbeggarsandstreettoutswhosekindnesshadkeptthemafloat,andevenafewcops,who’dalwayslookedtheotherway.
Withwhatremainedofthemoney,Geminienthused,theycouldhavealong,unforgettableseasonofparties,andthenputamodestamountintoaninterest-bearingaccount,paidmonthly,andgobacktolivinghappily,andmorecomfortably,onthestreet.
Scorpiowasn’ttempted.Althoughhewashorrifiedbytheresponsibilitiesandmoralburdensofhissuddenwealth,andhetalkedaboutittoeveryonenotskilledintheartofescapingpessimists,hecouldn’tbringhimselftopartwithit.
Thefirstweeksofhisprosperitywereanightmare,hesaid.Moneyisanotherwordformisery,hesaid.Moneyistheruinofpeace,hesaid.Buthewouldn’tembraceGemini’splan,andgivetheburdenaway.
Hefretted,paced,moanedandmumbled.Shavedandtrimmed,exfoliatedandmassaged,manicuredandmoisturised,thetallCanadianwanderedbackandforthintheluxurioussuite,prosperouslyuneasy.
‘Itwillendbadly,Lin,’hesaidtome,whenIdroppedintovisit.
‘Everythingendsbadly,foreveryone.That’swhywehaveart.’
‘Iguess,’heagreedvaguely,notconsoled.‘DidyouseeGemini,whenyoucamein?Ishestillplayingcards?’
‘Ididn’tseehim.ASikhguyletmein.Hecalledhimselfyourmajor-domo.’
‘Oh,yeah.That’sSingh.Hekindarunstheplace.HimandDivatogether.He’sgotaschnozzonhim,thatguy.Ifyourmainjobislookingdownyournoseatpeople,ithelpstohavealongone,Iguess.’
‘Healsohasashortlist,togowiththatlongnose.’
‘That’s…that’sbecausewehadtoputalimitonwhogetsinhere,Lin.Youwouldn’tbelievehowit’sbeen,sincepeoplestartedhearingabouthowI’vegotallthismoney.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘They’rehittin’onus,dayandnight.Thehotelhadtodoubleitssecuritystaffonthisfloortocope.Andpeoplestillmanagedtogetuphere.Oneofthemwasbangingonthedoor,askingformoney,whileIwastakingadump.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Ihaven’tbeenonthestreetforthreedays.Peoplewerecrawlin’outtatheshadows,man,allofthemwiththeirhandsoutformoney.’
IrecalledthattheZodiacGeorgeshadthemselvesemergedfromashoalofshadowsovertheyears,andalwaysbrandishingtheshellofanupturnedpalm.
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Butdon’tworry,Lin,’Scorpioaddedhastily.‘You’llalwaysbeontheshortlist.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘No,Imeanit,man.Youalwaysdidrightbyus.AndI’llneverforgetit.Hey!Speakingofwhich,doyou…doyouneedany–’
‘No,I’mgood,’Ismiled.‘Thanksanyway.’
‘Okay.Okay.Let’sgofindGemini.Iwanttotellhimaboutthenewsecurityarrangements.’
WefoundtheLondonerinanannextothesuite,designedforuseasaguest’stemporarybusinessoffice.GeminiGeorgehadcoveredthelargedeskwithatablecloth,andhadconvertedtheofficeintoagamblingden.
Hewasplayingpokerwithaselectionofoff-dutyservicepersonnelfromthehotel.Thelitterofseveralmeals,drinksandsnacksindicatedthatthegamehadbeenrunningforawhile.
‘Hey,Scorp!Hey,Lin!’Geminismiledhappily,asweentered.‘Pullupachair.Thegame’sjusthottingup.’
‘Toohotforme,Gemini.’
GeminiGeorgewasaskilfulcheat,buthenevertooklargesumsofmoneyoffpeople,andhesometimesdeliberatelylosthandsthathecould’vewon.Forhim,thethrillwasinnotbeingdetected,nomatterhowheplayedthehand.
‘Comeon,Lin,pushyourluck.’
‘Iprefermylucktodothepushing.I’llwatchacoupleofhands.’
‘Suityourself,’hesaid,winkingatmeandthrowingachiponthetabletoraiseabet.‘Scorpio,didyougetourguestadrink?’
‘I’msorry,Lin.’
Hewhirledonthehotelstaff,playingcards.
‘C’mon,youguys!You’resupposedtobeworkinginthishotel.Fetchourguestadrink.Gethima…what,Lin?’
‘I’mgood,Scorpio.’
‘No,please,havesomething.’
‘Okay.Afreshlimesoda,noice.’
Oneoftheplayerswearingroomserviceliverythrewhiscardsintothepot,andleftthetabletogetthejuice.
Therewasashout,comingfromthemaindoorofthesuite.Aswelookedup,Didierenteredtheoffice,draggingthemajor-domobythelengthofhisprominentnose.
‘Thisimbecileinsiststhatmynamedoesnotappearonthelistofpermittedguests,’Didierhuffedandpuffed.
‘Whatanoutrage,’Isaid.‘Like,say,pullingsomeone’snose,fornoreason.’
‘Noreason?WhenIexplainedthatsuchanoversightisquiteimpossible,becausemynameappearsoneverylist,fromInterpoltotheBombayCricketClub,eventhoughIabhorthegameofcricket,heactuallytriedtoshutthedoorinmyface.’
‘CanIsuggest,Didier,thatyouletgoofhisface?’
‘Oh,Lin!’Didierprotested,squeezingtheman’snoseharderinhisclosedfist.
Themajor-domosquealed.
‘He’sonlydoinghisjob,Didier.’
‘Itishisjobtowelcomeme,Lin,nottoexcludeme.’
‘Iquitthisjob!’themajor-domoquacked.
‘Anotherthing,’Itried,‘isthatyoudon’tknowwherethatnoseyou’resqueezinghasbeen.’
‘You’reright,’Didieragreed,hislipcurlingindistasteashereleasedthemajor-domo’snose.‘WherecanIwashmyhands?’
‘Throughthere,’Scorpiosaid,noddingthroughthedoorway.‘Seconddoorontheright.’
Didiergloweredatthemajor-domo,andlefttheroom.Themajor-domolookedatme.IhavenoideawhypeoplelookatmewhenIhaveabsolutelynothingtodowithanything.
‘MightbeagoodideatoputDidieronyourshortlist,Scorpio,’Isaid,reachingouttopickupasmallbundleofnotesfromthepileofwinningsinfrontofGeminiGeorge.
‘But,Lin,’Scorpiowhined.‘Didiergrabbedmymajor-domobythenose.’
‘You’reluckyitwasonlyyourman’snosehegotholdof.’
‘Damnrightaboutthat!’Geminilaughed.‘Singh!PutMrDidierLevyontheshortlist,rightaway.’
‘Iquitthisjob,’Singhmumbledagain,clutchingathisnose.
‘That’syourright,’Isaid,handinghimthemoneyI’dtakenfromthetable.‘Butifyoudo,you’llgetdrummedoutoftheGuildofMajor-Domos.Ifyou’llacceptoursincereapology,onbehalfofourfriend,andthismoneyforyourtrouble,wecanputthisbehindus.’
Themanheldhisnosewithonehand,fondledthenoteswiththeother,andthenwaggedhishead,movingbacktohispositionnearthedoor.
‘Areyousureit’smajor-domos?’Geminiaskedmischievously.‘Isn’titmajors-domo?’
‘Say,Lin,’Scorpioremarked,brighteningsuddenly.‘D’yathink…maybe…youcouldstayonwithushereforawhile?Wegotplentyofroom.We’rethinkingoftakingthewholefloor,andyou’dbearealhelpingettingthehangofthisbeingrichthing.’
‘Greatidea,’Geminiagreed.‘Stayhere,Lin.AskLisatomovein,too.Livenuptheplace.’
‘Niceoffer,guys.’
‘Isthatano?’Scorpioasked.
‘You’vegotDivyaonthecase,’Isaid.‘FromwhatIcansee,she’sdoingaprettygoodjob.’
‘Shescaresthecrapouttame,’Scorpiocomplained.
‘Everyonescaresthecrapouttayou,’Geminicommented.‘That’soneofthereasonswhyweloveyou.Whatareyoudoin’here,anyway,Scorp?Younevercomeinhere.Youhatepoker.’
‘Idon’thatepoker.’
‘Okaythen,Maverick,what’sup?’
‘It’sserious.’
‘Itcan’tbemoreseriousthanthenexthand,Scorp.Linjustgaveawayallmywinningstoyourmajors-domo,becauseDidierpulledhisnose.’
‘Quiterightly,’Didieradded,rejoiningus.
‘Can’targuethere,’Geminiagreed.‘I’vewantedtodoitmyself,occasionally,butIthoughtSinghwouldhitme.Now,gentlemen,Iintendtowinbackallmepreviouswinnings,solet’splay.’
‘Imeanit,Gemini,’Scorpiosaid.‘It’sseriousstuff.’
‘I’mplayin’againstDidier.He’sashark.He’llgutme,ifIsomuchaswink.Howcanitbemoreseriousthanthat,Scorpio?’
‘Iwantedtotalktoyouaboutthenewsecurityarrangements.’
‘Thewhat?’
‘Thenewsecurityarrangements.’
‘It’safive-starhotel,’Geminireplied.‘We’resafeas’ouses,Scorp.’
‘No,we’retotallyandcompletelyunsafe,’Scorpiosaid.‘Akidnappercouldhideinafoodtrolley,orevendisguisehimselfasaconcierge.Thenwe’refinished.Everybodytruststheconcierge.We’revulnerabletoattackhere,Gemini.’
‘Attack?Whatareyou,Scorp,anevilwarlord?’
‘We’revulnerable.Imeanit,Gemini.’
‘Well,ifit’ssoimportant,getitoffyourchest,then.Goon.’
‘But…Ican’ttalkaboutsecurityinfrontofotherpeople.’
‘Whynot?’
‘Itwouldn’tbe…secure.’
‘Don’twewantourfriendstobesecure,too?’
‘Butthereareemployeesofthehotelhere.’
‘Andifourbein’’ereposessomekindofrisktothem,’Geminisaid,shufflingthecards,‘wouldn’titbefairtoincludethe’otelemployeesinoursecurityarrangements,especiallytheonesgamblingwithme,sothattheycanstaysafe,too?’
‘What?’Scorpiosaid,shakinghishead.
Didiercutthedeck,andGeminipaused,thecardsinhishand.
‘Howaboutthis,Scorpio,’hesaid,smilingatthefriendhelovedmorethananyoneoranythingintheworld.‘Let’sjustinviteallofourfriendsandalltheirfamiliestolive’erewithus.Everybody.We’llrentthreefloorsofthe’otel,bringineveryone,andalltheirfamilies,tostayforaslongastheylike,andshowerthemwithgenerosityandhappyfun,andspendlotsandlotsofmoneyatthe’otel,sothey’re’appy,andwe’llbesafe.See?That’syournewsecurityarrangement,rightthere,innit?’
Heturnedfromhisbewilderedfriendtome,thesmileallheartsanddiamonds.
‘Lastchance,Lin,’Geminisaid,waitingtodealthecards.‘Areyouin?’
‘No,I’mgone,’Ireplied,pressingmyhandontoDidier’sshouldertosaygoodbye.
WhenIleftthem,Geminiwasdealingthecardsexpertly,awickedgleaminhiseyes.DidierLevywastheonlymanIknewwhowasabettercardcheatthanGeminiGeorge.Ididn’twanttostaylongenoughtoseeoneofthemlose.
Inthecorridoroutsidethesuite,IfoundNaveenandDivya.
‘Hey,Lin,’Naveengreetedme,ahappysmilemovingacrosshishandsomeface.‘Areyouleavingjustnow?’
‘Yeah.Hey,Divya.’
‘It’sDiva,sweetheart,’shecorrected,smilingandpressinghersmallhandagainstmyforearm.‘What’stherush?’
‘Stufftodo,’Ianswered,smilingbackatthem.
Westoodthereinsilenceforamoment.Wewerestillsmiling.
‘What?’Divyaaskedatlast.
‘Nothing,’Ilaughed.‘It’sjust,youtwoseemtobegettingonbetter.’
‘Well,’Divyasighed,‘he’snotsuchachudh,whenyougettoknowhim.’
‘Thankyou,’Naveensaid.
‘Imean,elementsofthechudharestillthere,’Divyaclarified.‘Andthey’llprobablyalwaysbe.Youcan’tmakeasilktiefromapig’sear,afterall.’
‘That’sasilkpurse,’Naveencorrected.
‘What?’
‘Asilkpurse,notasilktie,’Naveeninsisted.
‘What’sthis?You’regoingtostartcarryingapursenow,orwhat?’
‘No,ofcoursenot.ThesayingisYoucan’tmakeasilkpursefromasow’sear.Itdoesn’tmentionsilkties.’
‘Whatareyou,theprinceoffuckingproverbs,allofasudden?’
‘I’mjustsaying–’
‘Ineedalicencefromyoutochangeaproverb?Isthatit?’
‘So,anyway,bye,’Isaid,pressingthebuttonfortheelevator.
Isteppedinside.Theywerestillarguingfuriously.Thedoorsclosed,andtheelevatordescended,butitseemedthatIcouldstillhearthemthroughseveralfloors.
OnthegroundfloorIdiscoveredthatthey’dactuallysteppedintoaneighbouringelevator,andhadarguedallthewaydownbesideme.Theyspilledoutintothelobby,squabblingstill.
‘Hello,again.’
‘Sorry,Lin,’Naveensaid,detachinghimselffromDivya.‘IrealisedthatIforgottotellyousomething.’
‘Uh-huh?’
‘It’saboutyourfriendVikram,’Naveensaidquietly.‘He’smovedintoDennis’splace.He’ssleepingthere,onthefloor,andhe’shittingthesmackprettyhard.Ihaven’tbeentheremyself,inawhile,butIheardfromVinsonthathe’sinabadway.Vinsondoesn’tgothereanymore,andneitherdoI,much.Ithought…maybeyoudidn’tknow.’
‘You’reright.Ididn’t.Thanks.’
IglancedatDivya,whowaswaitingnearthebankofelevators.UntilthatmomentIhadn’treallynoticedhowprettyshewas.Herwide-seteyestaperedgentlytoalmond-shapedpoints,wherethelonglasheswereborn.Herfinenosecurledattheedgestomeetthebowofhersmileinlinesthatdescendedalongascimitarcurvetothecornersofhermouth.
IglancedatNaveen,andhewasstaringadorationather.
Andthen,inthatstrangelittlemomentofstaringatNaveenandDivya,Ifeltashadowpassthroughme.Ishivered.IshiftedmygazetomeetNaveen’seyes,hopingthathe’dfeltittoo.
Myheartwasbeatingfast,andthesuddensenseofdreadwassostrongthatIcouldfeelitinmythroat.IsearchedNaveen’seyes,buttherewasnothing.Hesmiledbackatme.
‘Listen,’Isaid,takinghalfastepawayfromthem.‘Staytogether.’
‘Ah,well…’Divyagrinned,abouttomakesomejoke.
‘Don’tstoparguing,’Isaidquickly,takinganotherstepaway.‘Butstaytogether.Lookaftereachother,okay?’
‘Okay,’Naveenlaughed.‘But–’
Ifled,makingmywayquicklytomyparkedbikeandwrestlingitoutontothemainroad.AfewhundredmetresawayIstoppedthebikesuddenly,andglancedbackovermyshoulderatthewindowedtoweroftheMaheshhotel.Irodeaway,fast.
IparkedthebikeoutsidethehousewhereDennislived.TheconcertinaoffoldingFrenchdoorswasopenonthelongveranda.Isteppedupontotheveranda,andtappedontheopendoors.
Sandal-slapfootstepsapproachedquickly.Acurtainwasdrawnaside,andIsawJamal,theOneManShow.Hebeckonedmeinside,motioningformetobesilent.
Ienteredtheroom,squintingmyeyestoadjusttothegloom.Hashishscentedtheair,mixedwithapowerfuldriftfromalargewadofincensesticks,burninginanemptyvase.
Denniswasinhiscustomarypose,stretchedoutinthecentreofthelargebed,withhishandsfoldedoveroneanotheronhischest.Heworepalebluesilkpyjamas,andhisfeetwerebare.
IheardarattlingcoughtomyrightandsawVikram,stretchedoutonapieceofcarpet.BillyBhasuwassittingonthefloorbesidehim.Hewaspreparinganotherchillum.
Avoicespokefromadarkenedcorneroftheroom.ItwasConcannon’s.
‘Lookwhatthegrimalkindraggedin,’hesaid.‘Ihopeyou’vecometojoinmylittlegang,boyo.I’mnotinamoodfordisappointingdrugs,ordisappointingmen.’
Ignoringhim,IwenttoVikram’sside.BillyBhasucrab-walkedoutoftheway,andcontinuedpreparingthechillum.IpushedatVikramtorousehim.
‘Vikram!Vik!Wakeup,man!’
Hiseyesopenedslowly,andthenfellshut.
‘Lastchance,Shantaram,’Concannonsaidsoftly.‘Areyouwithme,oragainstme?’
IshookVikramagain.
‘Wakeup,Vik.We’regoing,man.’
‘Leavehimalone,’Concannonchided.‘Can’tyouseetheman’shappy?’
‘It’snothappiness,ifyoucan’tfeelit.’
IshookVikram’sshoulderagain.
‘Vikram!Wakeup!’
Heopenedhiseyes,lookedatme,andsmiledasloppygrin.
‘Lin!Howareyou,man?’
‘Howareyou,man?’
‘Nothingtoworry,’herepliedsleepily,hiseyesdroopingandclosing.‘It’sallcool,man.It’sall…cool…’
Hebegantosnore.Hisfacewasdirty.Hewasashrinkingforminsidetheclothesofahealthierman.
‘Vik!Wakeup,man!’
‘Leavehimthefuckalone,’Concannonsaidaggressively.
‘Mindyourownbusiness,Concannon,’Isaid,notlookingathim.
‘Whydon’tyoumakeme?’
It’schildish,andweallknowit,butitoftenworks.
‘Whydon’tI?’Ireplied,facinghimforthefirsttime.
Icouldjustmakeoutthecoldfireinhisice-blueeyes.
‘Howaboutthis?’Isuggested.‘I’lltakemyfriendhometohisparents,andthenI’llcomebackhere,andwe’llmeetoutside.Soundokay?’
Hestoodupandapproachedme,standingclose.
‘There’stwothingsthatIholdsacred.Aman’srighttocrushhisenemies,andaman’srighttodestroyhimselfinanywayheseesfit.We’reallgoin’down.Allofus.We’reallonthesameroad.Vikram’sjustalittlewayfurtherdowntheroadthanyouandme,that’sall.That’shisnaturalbornright.Andyou’renotstoppin’him.’
Itwasanangryspeech,andeverywordbecamejustalittleangrier.
‘Rightshaveduties,’Iansweredhim,staringbackintothefury.‘Afriendhasadutytohelpafriend.’
‘Idon’thaveanyfriends,’hesaidevenly.‘Nobodydoes.There’snosuchthing.Friendship’safairystory,likeFatherfuckin’Christmas.Andwhatkindofacuntdidthatfatbastardturnouttobe?Afuckin’lie,that’swhatheis.Therearenofriendsinthisworld.There’salliesandthere’senemiesinthislife,andanyoneofthemcanchangetheircoatassoonaslookatyou.That’sthetruthofit.’
‘I’mgonnatakeVikramouttahere.’
‘Thefuckyouare!’
Hewatchedmeforamoment,forfiveheartbeats,andslidhisrightfootbackwardsonthefloor,shapingupforafight.Notwantingtobecaughtflat-footed,Ididthesame.Hishandsslowlyrose,stoppingoppositehisface,leftfistforward.Iraisedmyhandsinresponse,myheartbeatinghard.
Stupid.Men.Weweregoingtofight,fornothing.Youcan’tfightforanything,ofcourse:youcanonlyfightagainstsomething.Ifyou’refighting,thepartofyouthatwasforsomethinghasalreadybeenforgotten,replacedbyapartthat’sviolentlyagainstsomething.Andinthatminute,IwasviolentlyagainstConcannon.
‘OneManShow!’theOneManShowsaidsuddenly.
‘Shutthefuckup,’Concannongrowled.
‘Guys!’Dennissaidfromthebed,hiseyesstillclosed.‘Myhigh!You’rekillingmyhigh!’
‘Gobacktosleep,Dennislad,’Concannonsaid,watchingmyface.‘Thiswon’ttakebutaminuteortwo.’
‘Please,guys,’Dennispleaded,inhissoft,sonorousvoice.‘Concannon!Comeoverhere,atonce,mywildson.Comeandsmokealegendarychillumwithme.Helpmegetmyhighback,man.AndLin,takeVikramwithyou.He’sbeenhereforaweek.Unliketherestofusinthishappylittletomb,heactuallyhasafamilytogobackto.Takehimwithyou.’
Concannonslowlylethisfistsfalltohissides.
‘Whateveryousay,Dennis,meoldreprobate,’hegrinned.‘It’snoskinoffmynose.’
HewenttositbesideDennisonthehugebed.
‘Concannon,’Dennissaid,hiseyesbeginningtocloseagain.‘You’rethemostalivehumanbeingIevermet.Icanfeelyourenergy,evenwhenI’mdead.Andthat’swhyIloveyou.Butyou’rekillingmyhigh.’
‘Settledown,Dennismedarlin’,’Concannonsaid,hishandonDennis’sshoulder.‘There’llbenomoretrouble.’
IrousedVikramquickly,andforcedhimtostand.Aswereachedthedoors,Concannonspokeagain.
‘Iwon’tforgetthis,Shantaram,’hesaid,histeethshowinginafuriousgrin.
ItookVikramhomeinataxi.Hespokeonlyonce.
‘Shewasagreatchick,’hesaid,asiftohimself.‘Shereallywas.Ifshelovedme,asmuchasIloveher,she’dbeperfect,youknowwhatImean?’
Ihelpedhissisterputhimtobed,drankthreecupsofteawithhisworriedparents,andthentookataxibacktomyparkedbike.
I’darrangedtomeetLisaforlunchatKayani’s,neartheMetroJunction,andIrodethereslowly,driftingatawalkingpaceonthelong,leafyavenueofextravagantlycolouredclothingstallscalledFashionStreet.IwasthinkingaboutConcannonandVikramandhisparents,andmythoughtswerewolves.
Vikram’sfatherwasanolderman,longretired,whoseyoungestsonhadbeenbornintotheautumnofhislife.Theself-defeatingdisarrayofVikram’saddictionbewilderedhim.
Hishandsomeyoungson,who’dbeensomethingofadandy,dressinghimselfintheblacksilkandsilverbucklesofhisobsessionwithSergioLeone’smovies,suddenlyworedirtyclothes.Hishair,whichhadoncebeencoiffedtoamillimetre’sperfectionbyhisbarber,hungindrifts,pressedflatwherehe’dslept.Hedidn’twashhimselforshave,sometimesfordaysatatime.Hedidn’teatorspeaktoanyoneathome.Andtheeyesthatoccasionallyrosetomeethisworriedfather’sweredrainedoflightandlife,asthoughthesoulhadalreadydesertedtheman,andwaswaitingforthebodytofall.
FilledwiththeavalanchinepowerofloveforhisEnglishrose,Vikram,therichboywhoneverworked,hadcreatedabusinessontheedgeofthemovieindustry.Hesuppliedforeigntouriststoplaynon-speakingpartsinBollywoodmovies.
Itwasadaringcommercialventure.Hehadnoexperienceintheindustry,andwasworkingwithborrowedfunds.ButVikram’scharmandbeliefinhimselfmadeitasuccess.Lisa,hisfirstbusinesspartner,hadbeguntodiscoverhertalentsintheirworktogether.
WhentheEnglishroseleftVikramwithoutwarningorexplanation,theconfidencethathadseenhimdanceonthetopofamovingtrain,toproposetoher,drainedfromhislifelikebloodfromawhittledvein.
‘Andhe’sbeguntotakethings,’Vikram’sfatherhadwhispered,whileVikramslept.‘Littlethings.Hismother’spearlbrooch,andoneofmypens,thegoodone,presentedtomebythecompany,whenIretired.Whenweaskedhimaboutit,heflewintoarageandblamedtheservants.Butit’shim.Weknow.Heissellingthethingsheisstealing,tofeedhishabitforthisdrug.’
Inodded.
‘It’sashame,’theelderlymanhadsighed,hiseyesfillingwithtears.‘It’sadamnshame.’
Itwassorrowanddreadaswell,becauselovehadbecomeastrangerintheirhome.Iwasthatstranger,once.Iwasaddictedtoheroin:soaddictedthatIstolemoneytofeedmyhabit.Istopped,twenty-fiveyearsago,andIdespisethedrugmoreeveryyear.Ifeelheart-crushingcompassioneverytimeIseeorhearofsomeonestilladdicted:stillshootinginawaragainstthemselves.ButIwasthatstrangerinmyparents’houseoflove.Iknowhowharditistofindthelinebetweenhelpingsomeoneout,andhelpingsomeonein.Iknowthatallsufferanddieinside,againandagain,fromtheaddictionofone.AndIknowthatsometimes,iflovedoesn’thardenitself,lovedoesn’tsurviveatall.
Andthatday,inthatrunawayyearbeforeIknewwhatcardsFatewouldthrowatme,Iprayedforallofus:forVikramandhisfamilyandalltheslavesofoblivion.ChapterTwenty-Three
IparkedthebikeoppositeKayani’stomeetLisa.Watchingthesignal,Itooktwodeepbreathsandsurfedmysecond-favouritepedestrian-killerBombaytraffic.Madnessmachinesrushedatme,turningandweavingunpredictably.Ifyoudon’tdanceinthat,youdie.
AcrossthesuicideroadIusedthehangingropeinthedoorwayoftherestauranttoassistmeonthesteepmarblesteps,andenteredthecafé.PerhapsthemostfamousofBombay’sdeservedlyfamousParsiteaandcoffeehouses,Kayani’sofferedhotchilliomelettes,meatandvegetablepasties,toastedsandwiches,andthelargestselectionofhome-bakedcakesandbiscuitsinthearea.
Lisawaswaitingatthetableshepreferred,towardthebackoftheground-floorspace,withaviewofthebusykitchen,sevenstepsawaybeyondaservingcounter.
SeveralwaiterssmiledandnoddedasImademywaytohertable.Kayani’swasoneofourplaces:inthetwoyearssincewe’dbeenacouple,we’dhadlunchorafternoonteathereeverycoupleofweeks.
Ikissedher,andsatclosetoheronacornerofthetable,ourlegstouching.
‘Bunmusca?’Iaskedher,notlookingatthemenu.
ItwasherfavouritesnackatKayani’s:afreshlymadebutteredbun,cutintothreeslicesthatcanbeneatlydunkedintoacupofhot,sweettea.Shenodded.
‘Dobunmusca,dochai,’Isaidtothewaiter.Twobutteredbuns,andtwocupsoftea.
Thewaiter,namedAtif,collectedtheunusedmenusandshuffledawaytowardtheservingcounter,shoutingtheorder.
‘SorryI’mlate,Lisa.IgotthismessageaboutVikram,soIwenttoDennis’splace,andtookhimhome.’
‘Dennis?IsthattheSleepingBaba?’
‘Yeah.’
‘I’dliketomeethim.I’veheardalotabouthim.He’sgettingkindofacultstatus.Rishwastalkingaboutmakinganinstallation,basedaroundhistrance.’
‘Icantakeyouthere,butyoudon’tactuallymeethim,unlessyou’relucky.Yousortofstandthere,tryingnottokillhishigh.’
‘Notkillinghishigh?’
‘That’saboutit.’
‘Ilikethisguy,’shelaughed.
Iknewhersenseofhumour,andherquickloveforunusualpeoplewhodidunusualthings.
‘Oh,yeah.DennisisaveryLisakindofguy.’
‘Ifyou’regonnadosomething,makeanartofit,’shereplied.
Theteaandbutteredbunsarrived.Wetookchunksofthebread,dippedthemintoourteauntilthebutterbegantorun,andatethemhungrily.
‘So,howwasVikram?’
‘He’snotgood.’
‘Thatnotgood?’
‘Thatnotgood.’
Shefrowned.Webothknewaddiction,anditspythongrip.
‘D’youthinkweshoulddoanintervention?’
‘Idon’tknow.Maybe.Itoldhisparentstheyshouldpayforhimtostayataprivateclinicforawhile.They’regonnatryit.’
‘Cantheyaffordit?’
‘Cantheyaffordnotto?’
‘Point,’sheagreed.
‘Problemis,evenifhegoesthere,he’snotreadyforhelpyet.Notevenclose.’
Shethoughtforamoment.
‘We’renotgood,youandme,arewe?’
‘Wheredidthatcomefrom?’
‘Youandme,’sherepeatedsoftly.‘We’renotgood,arewe?’
‘Definegood.’
Itriedsmiling,butitdidn’twork.
‘Goodismore,’shesaid.
‘Okay,’Isaidsoftly.‘Let’sdomore.’
‘You’renuts,youknowthat?’
Iwaslost,andnotsureIwantedtoknowwhereweweregoing.
‘WhenIwasarrested,’Isaid,‘Ihadtoundergoapsychiatricevaluation.So,I’veactuallybeencertifiedsaneenoughtostandtrial,whichismorethanIcansayformostofthepeopleIknow,includingthepsychiatristwhocertifiedme.Infact,togetconvictedinacourtoflaw,you’vegottabedeclaredsane.Whichmeansthateveryconvictintheworld,inajailcell,issane,A-GradeandCertified.Andwithsomanypeopleontheoutsideseeingtherapistsandcounsellorsandall,prettysoontheonlypeoplewho’llbeabletoprovethey’resanewillbethepeoplebehindbars.’
Shelookedupatme.Thesearchlightsmileinhereyestriedtocutthrough.
‘Prettyheavyconversation,’shesaid,‘withabutteredbuninyourhand.’
‘Thesedays,Lisa,evenwhenItrytomakeyoulaugh,it’saheavyconversation.’
‘Areyousayingit’smyfault?’shedemandedfiercely.
‘No.Iwasjust–’
‘It’snotalwaysaboutyou,’shesnapped.
‘Okay.Okay.’
Atifarrivedtoclearthedishesandtakethenextorder.Whenwehadalottodiscuss,wehadtwooreventhreebunswithtea,butItoldhimjusttobringthetea.
‘Nobunmusca?’Atifasked.
‘NobunmuscaSirfchai.’Onlytea.
‘Maybe,you’llbehaving,justonebunmusca?’Atiftempted,wagglinghisshaggyeyebrows.‘Tobesharing?’
‘Nobunmusca.Justchai.’
‘Thik,’hemumbled,deeplyconcerned.
Hetookadeepbreath,andshoutedtothestaffinthekitchen.
‘Dochai!Dochailao!Nobunmusca!Repeating,nobunmusca!’
‘Nobunmusca?’avoicecalledbackfromthekitchen.
IlookedatLisa,andthenatAtif,thenatVishalthefast-foodcook,gloweringfromtheservingwindow.Iraisedmyhand,onefingerextended.
‘Onebunmusca!’Ishouted.
‘Yes!’Atifshoutedtriumphantly.‘Ekbunmusca,dochai!’
Vishalwaggedhisheadintheservingwidowenthusiastically,hiswidegrinrevealingpearl-whiteteeth.
‘Ekbunmusca,dochai!’heshoutedhappily,banginghissaucepanofboilingchaionitsgas-ringfire
‘I’mgladwegotthatsettled,’Isaid,tryingtoshakeLisahappy.
Itwasthekindofsilly,lovelythingthatBombaydoeseveryday,andnormallywewould’veenjoyedittogether.
‘Youknow,it’skindaweird,’Lisasaid.
‘Notreally.Atifis–’
‘Iwashereyesterday,’shesaid.‘WithKarla.’
‘You…what?’
‘Andexactlythesamethinghappenedwiththatwaiter.’
‘Waitaminute.YouwereherewithKarla,yesterday,andyoudidn’tsayanything?’
‘WhywouldI?Doyoutellmewhoyousee,andwhoyoufightwith?’
‘There’sareasonforthat,andyouknowit.’
‘Anyway,whenIwasherewithKarla,thesamethinghappenedwiththatwaiter–’
‘Atif?’
‘See?Sheknewhisname,too.’
‘He’smyfavouritewaiterhere.Notsurprisedshelikeshim.Heshouldberunningtheplace.’
‘No,you’renotgettingme.’
‘DowehavetotalkaboutKarla?’
‘Talkabouther,’shesaidquietly,‘orthinkabouther?’
‘Areyouthinkingabouther?BecauseI’mnot.I’mthinkingaboutyou,andus.Whatthereisofus.’
Sheflickedafrownatme,andthenwentbacktofoldingandrefoldingthenapkin.
Thebunmuscaandchaiarrivedatthetable.Iignoreditforamoment,butAtiflingerednearmyelbow,watchingme,soIpickedupapieceofthebreadandtookabite.Hewaggedhisheadapprovingly,andwalkedaway.
‘Iguessit’sjustmybusted-uplife,youknow?’Lisasaid,creasinglinesinthenapkinwithherfingers.
Ididknow.I’dheardherstorymanytimes.Itwasalwaysdifferentlythesame,andIalwayswantedhertotellitagain.
‘Iwasn’t,youknow,mistreated,oranything.Itwasn’tanythinglikethat.Myparentsarekindagreat,youknow.Theyreallyare.Thefaultisinme.Youknowthat.’
‘There’snofaultinyou,Lisa.’
‘Yes,thereis.’
‘Eveniftherewas,there’snofaultthatcan’tbelovedaway.’
Shepaused,sippedatthechai,andfoundanotherwayintowhateveritwasshewastryingtotellme.
‘DidIevertellyouabouttheparade?’
‘NotatKayani’s,’Ismiled.‘Tellmeagain.’
‘WeusedtohavethisFounders’DayParadeeveryyear,rightdownthewholeofMainStreet.Everybodyforfiftymilesaroundgotinvolved,orcametowatchtheshow.Myhighschoolbandmarchedintheparade,andwehadthisbigbarge–’
‘Afloat.’
‘Yeah,theschoolhadthisbigfloatthattheparents’committeemade,withadifferentthemeeveryyear.Oneyear,theypickedmetobetheonesittinghighuponakindofthrone,asthecentralattraction.ThethemethatyearwasTheFruitsofLiberty,andthebarge–’
‘Thefloat.’
‘Thefloatwasfilledwithproducefromthelocalfarms.IwastheLibertyBelle,getit?’
‘Youmust’velookeddamncute.’
Shesmiled.
‘Ihadtositonthetop,whilethewholemountainoffruitandpotatoesandbeetsandallrolledalongbetweenthecrowds.AndIhadtowave,regally,likethis,allthewaydownMainStreet.’
Shewavedherhandgently,palmupwards,herfingerscurvedaroundthemajesticmemory.
Atifclearedthetableagain.Helookedatme,posingthequestionwithoneraisedeyebrow.Iheldmyhandoverthetablepalmdownwards,andgesturedtowardthetabletwice.Itwasthesignaltowaitforatime.Hewaggedhisheadfromsidetoside,andcheckedontheneighbouringtables.
‘Itwasreallysomething.Kindofabighonour,ifyouknowwhatImean.Everybodysaidso.Everybodykeptonsayingso,overandoveragain.Youknowhowirritatingitis,whenpeoplekeeptellingyouhowhonouredyoushouldbe?’
‘Iknowthedishonouredversion,butIgetyourdrift.’
‘Thethingwas,Ididn’treallyfeelhonoured,youknow?Iwaskindaglad,ofcourse,whentheypickedmefromalltheothergirls,someofthemwayprettierthanme.AndIdidn’tevendoanythingtogetpicked.Someofthegirlstriedeverydevioustricktheycouldthinkof.Youdon’tknowhowmanytricksagirlcanfinduphersleeve,untilyouseeabunchofthemtryingtogetpickedtobeontopofthetruckintheFounders’DayParade.’
‘Whatkindoftricks?’Iaskedhopefully.
‘Me,Ididn’tdoanything,’shesaid.‘AndIwasassurprisedasanyonewhenthecommitteepickedme.But…Ididn’treallyfeelanything.Iwavedmyhand,asregalasMarieAntoinette,gettingalittledrunkonthesmellofthoseapplesheatingupinthesun,butIlookedatallthefacessmilingatme,andallthosehandsclappingme,andIdidn’tfeelanythingatall.’
ShaftsofsunlightpiercedthesubduedmonsoonshadeofKayani’s.Onerayoflightcrossedourtable,strikingherfaceanddividingitbetweenthesky-blueeyesinshadowandthelips,wetwithwhitelight.
‘Ijustdidn’tfeelanythingatall,’thelight-strucklipssaid.‘AndIneverdid.IneverfeltlikeIbelongedthere,inthattown,orinthatschool,orevenwithmyownfamily.Ineverdid.Ineverhave.’
‘Lisa–’
‘Youdon’tfeellikethat,’shesaidflatly.‘YouandKarla.Youbelongwhereyouare.Ifinallygetit,andittookthewaitertoshowittome.Ifinallygetit.’
Shelookedupfromthewrinklednapkintostareintomyeyes,herfaceemptiedofexpression.
‘Ineverdo,’shesaidflatly.‘Ineverbelonganywhere.Notevenwithyou.Ilikeyou,Lin.I’vehadathingforyouforalongtime.ButIneverfeltanythingmorethanthat.Didyouknowthat?Ineverfeltanythingforyou.’
There’dalwaysbeenaknifeinmychestwhenItriedtoloveLisa.Theknifewasthosewords,whenshespokethem,becauseshespokethemforbothofus.
‘Peopledon’tbelongtooneanother,’Isaidsoftly.‘Theycan’t.That’sthefirstruleoffreedom.’
Shetriedtosmile.Shedidn’tmakeit.
‘Whydopeoplefallapart?’sheasked,frowningintoatruth.
‘Whydopeoplefallin?’
‘Whatareyou,apsychiatristnow,answeringaquestionwithaquestion?’
‘Fairenough.Okay.Ifyoureallywantmetosayit,Ithinkpeoplefallapartwhentheyweren’treallytogetherinthefirstplace.’
‘Well,’shecontinued,hereyesdriftingdowntothetable,‘whatifyou’reafraidofbeingtogetherwithsomeone?Orwitheveryone?’
‘Whatdoyoumean?’
‘LatelyIfeellikethecommitteepickedmefortheparadealloveragain,andIdidn’teventry.Doyousee?’
‘No,Lisa.’
‘Youdon’t?’
‘Whateverweare,orwe’renot,allIknowisthatyoubeatthecurse,andgotbackonyourfeet.That’ssomethingtobeproudof,Lisa.You’redoingwhatyoulove,workingwithartistsyourespect.AndI’myourfriend,nomatterwhathappens.It’sgood,Lisa.You’regood.’
Shelookedupagain.Shewantedtospeak.Hermouthopened.Herlipstwitched,trickedintomovementbyflickeringthoughts.
‘Igottago,’shesaidquickly,standingtoleave.‘There’sanewshow.Anewartist.He’s…he’sprettygood.We’remountingitinacoupleofdays.’
‘Okay.We’ll–’
‘No.I’llgetacab.’
‘I’mfasterthananycabinthiscity,’Ismiled.
‘Thatyouare,andcheapertoo,cowboy,butI’llgetacab.’
Ipaidandwalkedoutwithher,descendingtothesun-streakedstreet.Thereweretaxisparkedopposite,andwemadeforthefirstinline.Shestoopedtoenterthecab,butIheldherback.
Shemetmyeyesforamoment,andthenthrewherglanceawayagain.
‘Don’twaitupformetonight,’shesaid.‘Thisnewinstallationwe’resettingup,it’sprettycomplicated.We’regonnaworkaroundtheclockforacoupledays,to–’
‘Acoupleofdays?’
‘Yeah.I…I’llprobablysleeptheretonight,andtomorrow,just…justtobringtheshowinontime,youknow?’
‘What’shappeninghere,Lisa?’
‘Nothing’shappeninghere,’shesaid,andgotintothecab.
Ittookoffatonce.Sheturnedtolookatmeasthetaxipulledaway,staringbackatmeuntilIlosther.
Therapture,borninseconds,isafrailthing.Andwhenrapturedies,nopowercanrestoreittoalover’seye.LisaandIwerestaringatoneanotherfromadeeperplace:theplacewhererapturelandswhenitfalls.
Alighthaddimmed,andashadowmovedacrossthegardenofwhatwas.Iwaitedonthefootpathforhalfanhour,thinkinghard.
Iwasmissingsomething,aconflictmorefundamentalthanLisa’sobjectiontomylifeontheedgeoftheSanjayCompany,orevenherdesiretobewithothers.Somethingelsewashappening,andIcouldn’tseeitrightorevenfeelitright,ofcourse,becauseitwashappeningtome.ChapterTwenty-Four
ThestreetwashappilylarcenousasIparkedmybikeoutsideLeopold’sbesidealoungeofstreettouts,theirsalamandereyesrovingforbusiness.Ilookedleft,slowly,andthenright,takingineverythreatoropportunityonthestreetaroundme.I’dbeguntoturnmythoughtsawayfromthatshadow,Lisa’sshadow,movingacrossthegardenofwhatwas,whenIheardavoice.
‘Lin!Thisisgreat,man!I’vebeentryingtofindyou.’
ItwasStuartVinson,andhewasagitated.Thatwasgood.AfterthetalkwithLisathatIdidn’tunderstand,agitationfromamanIalmostneverunderstoodseemedliketherightdistraction.
‘Vinson.What’sup?’
‘There’sthisgirl.She’s…Ineedyourhelp.You’vegotsomepullwiththeColabacops,right?’
‘Definepull.’
‘Youcangetthingsdone,man.That’sright?’
‘Iknowwho’sfirstandlastinline,ifyou’rehandingoutmoney.’
‘That’sit!That’sgreat!Canyoucomewithme?Rightnow?’
‘I–’
‘Please,Lin.There’sthisgirl.She’sinalottatrouble.’
Hereadmyfrown.
‘What?No!Shehasn’tdoneanythingwrong.Factis,farasIcanfigureit,it’sjustthatherboyfriend’sdead.HeOD’d,like,justlastnight,and–’
‘Waitaminute.Slowdown.Who’sthisgirl?’
‘I…Idon’tknowhername.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Imean,Ihaven’theardityet.Ihaven’tseenherpassport,either.Idon’tevenknowwhereshecomesfrom.ButIknowI’vegottosaveher,andmaybeI’mtheonlyonewhocan,youknow?She’sgottheseeyes,like,it’stooweird,man.Imean,it’sliketheuniverseistellin’metosaveher.It’smystical.It’smagical.It’sfated,orsomething.ButeverytimeIaskthecopsabouther,theytellmetoshutup.’
‘Shutup,Vinson,ortalksense.’
‘Wait!Letmeexplain.Iwasinthepolicestation,payingafineformydriver,youknow,becausehegotinthisfightwithanotherdriver,onKempsCorner,neartheBreachCandyturnoff,andhe–’
‘Vinson.Thegirl.’
‘Yeah,man,Ifinishedupwiththecops,andIsawthisgirlsittingthere.Yougottaseeher,man.Thoseeyes.Hereyes…they’re…they’refireandiceatthesametime.You’vegottaseeittobelieveit.Whatisitabouttheeyesthatgetsyousofuckedup,man?’
‘Connection.Backtothegirl.’
‘LikeIsaid,herboyfrienddiedofanoverdosesometime,like,lastnightorearlythismorning.BestasIcanmakeout,shewokeupandfoundhimlikethat,stiffasatwo-by-four,andlonggone.Shewasstayin’attheFrantic.’
‘Goon.’
‘ThoseFranticguysrunatightship,andtheyknowhowtokeeptheirmouthsshut.I’vedonesomedealsthere.But,like,deadbodies?Theydrawtheline,youknow?’
‘IknowtheFrantic.Theyheldthegirl,calledthecops,andhandedherover.’
‘Yeah,thefuckers.’
‘Theywerejusttryingtostayouttajail,likeyoushouldbe,Vinson.It’snotsafetoplayGoodSamaritaninapolicestation,whenyou’readrugdealer.It’snoteversafeinapolicestation.’
‘I…Iknow.Iknow.Butthisgirl,man,it’smystical,Itellya.Itriedtogetthecopstoopenupabouther.Theonlythingtheytoldmewasthatshedidtheidentificationofthebodyatthemorgue,liketheywanted.Thatmust’vebeenhellforher,man.Andshemadeastatement,liketheyaskedher.Butshedidn’tdoanything,andtheywon’tlethergo.’
‘It’saboutmoney.’
‘Ifigured.Buttheywon’ttalktome.That’swhyIneedyou.’
‘Who’sonduty?’
‘Dilip.Thedutysergeant.He’sontopofitall.She’ssittinginhisoffice.’
‘That’sgood.’
‘Icanpayhim,toletthegirlgo?’
‘He’dsellhisgunandbadge,ifyouofferedenough.’
‘That’sgreat!’
‘Butthenhe’dfindyou,andbeatyouuptogetthemback.’
‘That’snotgreat.’
‘Helikesfear.Fillyoureyeswithjustenoughsimulatedfeartomakehimsmile,thengivehimmoney.’
‘Isthatwhatyoudo?’
‘LightningDilipandIarepastsimulatedfear.’
‘Ifyougointherewithme,willheletuspay,andgetthegirloutofthere?’
‘Sure.Ithinkso.But…’
‘Butwhat?’
Iexhaledalong,exhaustedbreath,andfrownedmyreservationsintohisworriedeyes.
IlikedStuartVinson.Hislean,handsomeface,tannedbysixyearsofAsiansunlight,alwayscarriedthekindofbrave,earnest,determinedexpressionthatmight’vegracedapolarexplorer,leadingothersonanobleadventure,eventhoughhewasinfactawily,luckydrugdealer,wholivedlavishinacitywherehungerwasaconstituency.Icouldn’treadhismotive.
‘Areyousureyouwannagetinvolved?Youdon’tknowthisgirl.Youdon’tevenknowhername.’
‘Pleasedon’t,like,sayanythingbadaboutthisgirl,’hesaidsoftly,butwithsurprisingforce.‘Itwillmakemenotlikeyou.Ifyoudon’twanttohelpme,that’scool.Butme,IalreadyknoweverythingIneedtoknowabouther.’
‘Jesus.’
‘I’msorry,’hesaid,hanginghisheadforaninstant.
Justasquicklyheraisedhispleadingeyesagain.
‘Iknowitsoundscrazy,butI’vebeenthereinDilip’sofficeforthelasttwohours,tryingtohelpher.Shedidn’tsayanything.Notaword.Butthisonetimeshelookedupatme,andshegavemethis,like,littlesmile.Ifeltitinmyheart,Lin.Ican’texplainit.AndI…Ismiledbackather.Andshefeltit,too.Iknowit.I’msureofit.SureasanythingI’veeverknowninmylife.Idon’tknowifyouknowwhatit’sliketolovesomeonefornoreasonyoucanunderstand,butallI’maskingisthatyouhelpme.’
Iknewwhatitwaslike:everybodyinlovedoes.WewalkedacrossthestreettotheColabapolicestation,andintoLightningDilip’soffice.
Thedutysergeantlookedmeupanddown,lookedatthegirlsittingacrossthedeskfromhim,andthenlookedbacktome.
‘Afriendofyours?’Lightningasked,noddingatthegirl.
Ilookedather,andsomethingcurledinsideme,likefernsclosing.Itwasthegirlwhosephotographwasinthelocket,thegirlwho’dsoldthelocket,thegirlI’dtriedtowarn,whenIreturnedthelockettoher.
Fate,Ithought,getoffmyback
Hergreasyhairwastangledandclingingtothesweatonherneck.SheworearoyalblueT-shirt,fadedfromover-washing,andtightenoughtorevealhersmall,frailphysique.Herjeansseemedtoolargeforher:athinbeltgatheredtheminbunchesaroundhernarrowwaist.
Shewaswearingthelocket.Sherecognisedme.
‘Yes,’Ireplied.‘Afriend.Please,Sergeant-ji,turnonthefan.’
LightningDilipglancedattheunmovingfanoverherhead,andalmostimperceptiblyliftedhiseyestothefanoverhisownhead,rotatingswiftlytobanishthemonsoonsmother.
Heshiftedhiseyestomeagain,theirisessetinhoney-colouredhatred.
‘Punkah!’hebellowedatasubordinate.
Theconstablehastilyswitchedonthefanoverthegirl’shead,andcoolingairstreamedontothesweatbathingherslenderneck.
‘So,sheisyourfriend,Shantaram?’Dilipaskedcunningly.
‘Yes,Lightning-ji.’
‘Verywellthen,whatishername?’
‘Whatnamedidshegiveyou?’
Diliplaughed.Iturnedtothegirl.
‘What’syourname?’Iasked.
‘Rannveig,’sherepliedflatly,herhanddriftingtothelocketaroundherneck,ashereyesmetmine.‘RannveigLarsen.’
‘Hername’sRannveig,’Isaid.‘RannveigLarsen.’
Diliplaughedagain.
‘That’snotthenameIhavewritteninfrontofme,’hesaid,stillsmiling.
‘It’sNorwegian,’thegirlsaid.‘YouwriteitlikeR-a-n-n-v-e-i-g,butyoupronounceitRunway–likethethingattheairport.’
‘Hername’sRannveig,’Isaid.‘Likethethingattheairport.’
‘Whatdoyouwant,Shantaram?’Dilipasked.
‘I’dliketoescortMissLarsenhome.She’shadaprettyroughday.’
‘MissLarsentellsmethatshehasnohome,’Dilipretorted.‘ShewasthrownoutoftheFrantichotelthismorning.’
‘Shecanstayatmyplace,’Vinsonsaidquickly.
EveryonelookedatVinson.
‘It’s…it’sabigplace,myplace,’Vinsonstammered,lookingfromonetoanotherofus.‘There’splentyofroom.AndIhavealive-inservant.She’lltakegoodcareofher.Thatis…if…ifshewantstocometomyplace.’
LightningDilipturnedtome.
‘Whothefuckisthisidiot?’heaskedinHindi.
‘ThisisMrVinson,’Isaid.
‘I’mStuartVinson,’hesaid.‘Iwashere,like,tenminutesago.’
‘Shutup,’Lightningsaid.
‘We’dliketoescortMissLarsenhome,Lightning-ji,’Isaid.‘Thatis,ifshe’sfreetoleave.’
‘Free,’Diliprepeated,drawingouttheword.‘It’ssuchalittleword,butwithsomanyconditionsattachedtoit.’
‘I’dbehappytomeetthoseconditions,’Isaid,‘depending,ofcourse,onjusthowmanyconditionsthereare,andhowfirmlythey’reattached.’
‘Icanthinkofatleasttenconditions,’Lightningsaid,aslygrinslidingofftheedgeofhisirritability.
Icountedouttenthousandrupees,andputthemoneyonthedesk.AsIsliditacross,hereachedouttocovermyhandinbothofhis.
‘WhatinterestdoestheSanjayCompanyhaveinthisgirl?’
‘Thisisn’tSanjayCompanybusiness.Thisispersonal.She’safriend.’
Stillholdingmyhandagainstthedesk,heglancedatthegirl,lookingherupanddown.
‘Ah,ofcourse,’hesaid,hislipstwitchingaroundanoilygrin.
‘Waitaminute–’Vinsonbegan,butIcuthimoff,pullingmyhandfree.
‘MisterVinsonwouldliketothankyou,Lightning-ji,foryourkindandcompassionateunderstanding.’
‘Alwayshappytohelp,’Dilipsnarled.‘Thegirlmustbebackhereintwodays,tosignthepapers.’
‘Whatpapers?’Vinsondemanded.
Diliplookedathim.Iknewthelook:hewasthinkingaboutwhichpartofVinson’sbodyhewouldstartkicking,afterhehadhismenchainhimtoagate.
‘She’llbehere,Sergeant-ji,’Isaid.‘Andexactlywhatpaperswillsheberequiredtosign?’
‘Thetransferofthebody,’Dilipreplied,pickingupafilefromhisdesk.‘ThebodyoftheunfortunateyoungmangoesbacktoNorway,inthreedays.Butshemustsigntheformsintwodays.Nowgetoutofhere,beforeIstartaddingmoreconditionstoherrelease.’
Iheldmyhandouttothegirl.Shetookit,stoodup,andwalkedafewsteps.Shewasunsteadyonherfeet.AsshenearedVinsonshestumbled,andhereachedouttoputanarmaroundhershoulder.
Vinsonwalkedhertothestreet,helpedherintothebackseatofhiscar,andclimbedinbesideher.Thedriverstartedtheengine,butIleanedagainsttheopenwindow.
‘Whathappened,Rannveig,likethethingattheairport?’Iaskedher.
‘What?’
‘Yourboyfriend.Whathappened?’
‘Youdon’thavetoworryaboutme,’shesaidabstractedly.‘I’mokay.I’mokay.’
‘Rightnow,I’mworriedabouthim,’Isaid,noddingtowardVinson.‘AndifI’mgonnagobackinthereanddealwiththatcop,Ineedtoknowwhathappened.’
‘I…Iwasn’t,’shebegan,staringattheclothbagcradledinherlap.
Iguessedthatitheldeverythingsheowned.
‘Tellme.’
‘He…hecouldn’tstop.Andthingsgotcrazierandcrazier.Then,justyesterday,justlastnight,ItoldhimIwasleavinghim,andgoingbacktoOslo.Buthebeggedmetostayonemorenight.Justonemorenight.And…andthen…Hediditonpurpose.Isawitinhisface.Hediditonpurpose.Ican’tgobackhome.Ican’tseeanyonefromthere.’
Thefierce,electricblueofhereyesglazedover,andsheslitheredintoanexhaustedsilence.Iknewthelook:staringatthedead.Shewasstaringatthefaceofherdeadboyfriend.
‘HaveyougotanyoneinBombay?’Iasked.
Sheshookherheadslowly.
‘Doyouwantyourconsulateinvolved?’
Sheshookherheadmorequickly.
‘Whynot?’Iasked.
‘Itoldyou.Ican’tfaceanyonenow.’
‘She’sbeat,’Vinsonsaidsoftly.‘I’lltakeherhome.She’llbesafewithme,untilshedecideswhatshewantstodo.’
‘Okay.Okay.I’lltalktoLightningDilip.’
‘Youhavetodomore?’Vinsonasked.‘Ithoughtthatwasit.’
‘Hedidn’tgivebackherpassport.He’sholdingoutformoremoney,buthedidn’twanttogointothat.Notwithyouintheoffice.I’llhandleit.’
‘Thanks,man,’Vinsonnodded.‘I’llmakesureshegetsbacktosigntheforms.Hey,letmegiveyouthatmoney!’
‘It’sonlycooltohandovermoneyinsideapolicestation,Vinson,notoutside.We’llsettleitlater.IfIgetthepassportback,I’llleaveitwithDidier,atLeo’s.’
Vinsonturnedtothegirl,speakingtohersoftly.
‘You’llbeokay.Mymaidwilllookafteryou.She’stough,butshe’sallbarkandnobite.Ahotbath,somefresh,cleanclothes,somethingtoeat,andsomesleep.You’llbefine.Ipromise.’
Hegaveinstructionstohisdriver,andthecarmovedoff.Thegirlturnedquickly,foundmeonthestreet,andmouthedsomethingatme.Icouldn’tunderstandwhatshewastryingtosay.Iwatchedthecaruntilitdisappeared,andthenwentbacktotalkwithLightningDilip.
Therewasn’talottolearn.Thegirl’sstorywasthatshe’dwokentofindherboyfrienddeadinthebedbesideher.Therewasasyringestuckinhisarm.She’dcalledthemanagerforhelp,andhe’dcalledthepoliceandanambulance.
LightningDilipwassatisfiedthatitwasasimpleoverdose.Thekidhadtrackmarksontheveinsinhisarms,handsandfeet,andthehotelmanagertestifiedthatno-onehadenteredRannveig’sroombutthecouple.
Itcostmefivethousandrupeestobuybackthegirl’spassport,andanothertenthousandtohavethenameRannveigLarsenremovedfromtheaccountoftheboy’sdeath.
Intherevisedversionoftheofficialrecord,itwasthehotelmanagerwho’dfoundthebody,andRannveigvanishedfromthenarrative.
Itwasalotofmoneyinthosedays,andIplannedtorecoveritfromVinsonsoon.AsIwasleavingLightningDilip’soffice,slippingtheNorwegianpassportintomypocket,thedutysergeantstoppedme.
‘TelltheSanjayCompanythatthiscaseraisesthestakes.’
‘Whatareyoutalkingabout?’
‘DaSilva,’hesaid,almostspittingthewordatme.‘AndrewDaSilva.Itwashisherointhatkilledthisboy.It’sthethirdheroindeaththisweek.TheSanjayCompanyissellingsomeverystrong,verybadshitonthestreet.I’mgettingtroubleforit.’
‘Howcanyoubesureofthat?’
Itwasn’tapolitequestion,andhedidn’thaveapoliteanswer.
‘Fuckyou,andfuckdeadjunkies.Idon’tgiveashit.Thetwolocalkidsareaminorproblem.Butwhenaforeignerdiesinmyzone,itleavesabigstainonmydesk.Ilikeacleandesk.ItoldDaSilvahewouldhavetopaymedoublethismonth,forthetwodeaths.Nowthatit’sthreedeaths,thepriceistriple.’
‘TellSanjayyourself,Lightning.YouseehimmoreoftenthanIdo.’
Ileftthestationhouse,movedthroughthetraffic,andwalkedtothenarrowcement-blockandmetalraildividerthatseparatedthelanesmovingsouthandnorthalongthebusycauseway.
Standinginagapinthesteelfence,Ifeltthetrafficswirlaroundme:denselypackedredcommuterbuses,scooterscarryingfive-memberfamilies,handcarts,motorcyclesandbicycles,black-and-yellowtaxis,fish-markettrucks,privatecarsandmilitarytransportsmovingtoandfromthelargenavalbaseatthespear-tipoftheIslandCity’speninsula.
Wordscutthroughthejungleofthoughts.
Ourdope.SanjayCompanydope.Thegirlinthelocket,Rannveig,likethethingattheairport.Herboyfriend.Thegirlinthelocket.Ourdope.
Horns,bicyclebells,musicfromradios,thecriesofstallholdersandbeggarsroseupeverywhere,echoingfromcoveredwalkwaysandtheelegantlysaggingstonesofbuildingsthatsupportedthem.
Ourdope.SanjayCompanydope.Thegirl.Thelocket.Herboyfriend.Ourdope.
Thesmellsofthestreetpunishedme,makingmedizzy:freshcatchesoffishandprawnsfromSassoonDock,dieselandpetrolfumes,andtheheavywet-linensmellofmonsoonmould,creepingacrossthebrowofeverybuildinginthecity.
Ourdope.Ourdope.
Istoodontheroaddivider.Trafficriversraninfrontofme,headingnorth,andbehindme,headingsouth,alongthearmofthepeninsula.
KhaderbhaihadrefusedtoallowanyoneintheCompanytodealheroininSouthBombay,ortoprofitfromprostitution.Sincehisdeath,morethanhalfofthenewSanjayCompany’sfundscamefrombothsources,andSanjaysanctionedmoredealersandbrothelseverymonth.
Itwasanewworld,notbraverbutmuchricherthantheoneI’ddiscovered,whenKhaderbhaisavedmefromprisonandrecruitedme.AnditwasnousetellingmyselfthatIdidn’tsellthedrugsorthegirls:thatIworkedincounterfeitingandpassports.Iwasuptothethinsilverchainaroundmyneckinit.
AsasoldierwiththeSanjayCompanyI’dfoughtothergangs,andcouldbecalledtoprotectAndrew,Amir,Faisalandtheiroperationsatanytime,andwithnoexplanationforthebloodtobespilled,andnorighttorefuse.
Ourdope.
Ifeltatouchinthecentreofmyback,andasIbegantoturntherewasanothertouch,andanother.ThreeoftheCycleKillersracedawayintotheflowoftrafficontheirchromebicycles.
IlookedbackquicklytogreetPankaj,secondinchargeoftheCycleKillers,asheskiddedhisbicycletoastopbesideme.Herestedagainstthemetalrailoftheroaddivider.Trafficeddiedaroundhim,andhelookedmischiefatme,hiseyesbright.
‘That’showeasyitis,brother!’hegrinned,wagginghisheadenergetically.‘Notcountingme,youarethreetimesdeadalready,ifmyboyswereusingtheirknives,insteadoftheirfingers.’
Hejabbedtwohardfingersintomychest,directlyundermyheart.
‘Sogladweneverfight,brother,’Isaid.
‘Youtakeyourhandofftheknifeatyourback,’hesaid,‘andI’lltakemyhandoffmine.’
Welaughed,andshookhands.
‘YourCompanyiskeepingusbusy,’hesaid,spinningthepedalofhisbicyclebackwardsasheheldtheconcreteandsteelroaddivider.‘I’llbeabletoretire,ifthiskeepsup.’
‘IfyourworkeverbringsyousouthofFloraFountain,I’dappreciateaheads-up.’
‘Youwillhaveit,mybrother.Goodbye!’
Pankajwheeledhischromebicyclebackintotheroad.Iwatchedhimthreadhiswaythroughthetrafficexpertly.
AndbeforeIlostsightofhim,inthetimeittookmetoliftmyeyestothesky,Iwasdone.Itwasover.IwasfinishedwiththeSanjayCompany,andIknewit.
Iwasdone.Iquit.I’dhadenough.
Faith.Faithisineverything,ineveryminuteoflife,eveninsleep.FaithinMother,sister,brother,orfriend:faiththatotherswillstopattheredlight,faithinthepilotoftheplaneandtheengineerswhosigneditintotheair,faithintheteacherswhoguardchildrenforhourseveryday,faithincopsandfiremenandyourmechanic,andfaiththatlovewillstillbewaitingforyouwhenyoureturnhome.
Butfaith,unlikehope,candie.Andwhenfaithdies,thetwofriendsthatalwaysdiewithitareconstancyandcommitment.
I’dhadenough.IlostthelittlefaithI’dhadinSanjay’sleadership,andcouldn’trespectmyselfanymoreforsubmittingtoit.
Leavingwouldn’tbeeasy,Iknew.Sanjaydidn’tlikelooseends.Butitwasdone.Iwasdone.IknewthatSanjaywouldbeathomelate.Idecidedtoridetohishousebeforethenightwasout,andtellhimthatIquit.
IlookedupatthebannerofLeopold’s,andrememberedsomethingKarlaoncesaid,whenwedranktoomuchandtalkedtoomuch,toolongafterthedoorswereclosed.LivingaloneasafreelancerinBombay,likeDidier,shelaughed,isacoldriveroftruth
I’dbeenstaringintoasplinteredmirror,anditwasawhilesinceI’dfacedalone.Iwaswalkingawayfromasmallarmy,pledgedtodefendmeasabrotherinarms.Iwaslosingquasi-immunityfromthelaw,protectedbyquasi-ethicalCompanylawyers,justabillableminuteawayfromquasi-ethicaljudges.
Iwasleavingbehindclosefriendswho’dfaceddownenemieswithme:menwho’dknownKhaderbhai,andknewhisimperfections,andlovedhimasIdid.
Itwastough.Iwastryingtowalkawayfromguiltandshame,anditwasn’teasy:guiltandshamehadmoregunsthanIdid.
Butfearlies,hidingself-disgustinself-justification,andsometimesyoudon’tknowhowafraidyouwere,untilyouleaveallyourfearfulfriends.
IfeltthingsthatI’djustifiedandrationalisedfortoolongfalllikeleaves,washedfrommybodybyawaterfall.Aloneisacurrentintruth’sriver,liketogetherness.Alonehasitsownfidelity.Butwhenyounavigatethatcloserviewoftheshore,itoftenseemsthatthefaithyouhaveinyourselfisallthefaiththereis.
Itookadeepbreath,putmyheartinthedecision,andmadeamentalnotetocleanandloadmygun.ChapterTwenty-Five
KavitaSingh,thejournalistwhowasearningareputationforgoodwritingaboutbadthingspeopledid,leanedbackwithherchairtippedagainstthewall.BesideherwasayoungwomanI’dneverseenbefore.NaveenandDivyawereonDidier’sleft.VikramwaswithJamal,theOneManShow,andBillyBhasu,bothfromDennis’stomb.
ThefactthatVikramwasupandaroundagainaftertwohoursofsleepbetrayedthedepthofhishabit.Whenyoufirststartonthedrug,ahighcanlasttwelvehours.Whenyourtolerancecrawlsintoaddiction,youneedtofix,orsearchforone,everythreetofour.
Theywerealllaughingaboutsomething,whenIapproachedthetable.
‘Hey,Lin!’Naveencalledout.‘We’retalkingaboutourfavouritecrime.Weallhadtonominateone.What’syourfavouritecrime?’
‘Mutiny.’
‘Ananarchist!’Naveenlaughed.‘Anargumentinsearchofareason!’
‘Areasonedargument,’Icountered,‘insearchofafuture.’
‘Bravo!’Didiercried,wavingtothewaiterforanewroundofdrinks.
Hemovedasidetoletmesit.Itooktheseatnexttohim,andtooktheopportunitytopasshimRannveig’sNorwegianpassport.
‘Vinsonwillcollectitfromyou,inthenextdayortwo,’Isaidquietly.
IturnedmyattentiontoVikram.Heavoidedmyeyes,andplayedwithasmudgeofbeeronthetableinfrontofhim.Imotionedforhimtoleanclosetome.
‘Whatareyoudoing,Vikram?’Iwhispered.
‘Whatdoyoumean?’
‘Youwereoutcoldtwohoursago,Vik.’
‘Iwokeup,man,’hesaid.‘Ithappens.’
‘Andtheseguys,whobuydope,justhappentobewithyou?’
Hedrewaway,leaningbackinhischair,andspoketothetable.
‘Youknow,Lin,Ithinkyou’remistakingmeforsomeonewhogivesashit.ButIdon’t.AndIthinkI’mnotalone.Didier,doyougiveashit?’
‘Reluctantly,’Didierreplied.‘Andinfrequently.’
‘Howaboutyou,Kavita?’Vikramasked.
‘Actually,’shereplied,‘Igivemorethanashit,aboutalotofthings.And–’
‘Youknow,Lin,’Vikramsaid.‘Youusedtobeaprettycoolguy,yaar.Don’tbecomejustanotherforeignerinIndia.’
Ithoughtabouthisfather’sfear,andhowtheyhadtohidetheirpreciousthingsfromhim,butdidn’trespond.
‘We’reallforeignersinBombay,aren’twe?’Kavitasaid.‘I–’
Vikramcutheroffagain,reachingouttograspatDidier’sarm.
‘Canwedoitnow?’
Didierwasshocked.HeneverdidbusinessinLeopold’s.Buthetookapreparedwadofnotesfromhispocket,andgaveittoVikram.Myproudfriendsnatchedatthemoneyandrosequickly,almosttopplinghischair.OneManShowsteadiedthechairandrosewithhim.BillyBhasuwasabeatbehindthem.
‘Well…I’ll…I’lltakemyleave,’Vikramsaid,backingawayandavoidingmyeye.
BillyBhasuwavedagoodbye,andleftwithVikram.OneManShowwaggedhishead,janglingtheassemblyofgodshangingaroundhisthinneck.
‘OneManShow,’Isaid.
‘OneManShow,’hereplied,andfollowedtheothersoutoftherestaurant.
‘Whatisit,myfriend?’Didieraskedmesoftly.
‘IgiveVikrammoney,too.ButIalwaysaskmyselfifIjustgavehimtheshotthatkillshim.’
‘Itcouldalsobetheonethatsaveshim,’Didierrespondedjustasquietly.‘Vikramissick,Lin.Butsickisjustanotherwayofsayingstillalive,andstillpossibletosave.Withouthelpfromsomeone,hemightnotsurvivethenight.Whilehe’salive,there’salwaysachanceforhim.Letitgo,andrelaxwithus.’
Iglancedaroundattheothers,andshruggedmyselfintotheirgame.
‘So,whataboutyou,Kavita?’Iasked.‘What’syourfavouritecrime?’
‘Lust,’shesaidforcefully.
‘Lustisasin,’Isaid.‘Itisn’tacrime.’
‘Itoldherthat,’Naveensaid.
‘ItisthewayIdoit,’sheretorted.
Divyabrokeintohelplessgiggles,settingthetabletolaughingwithher.
‘Whataboutyou,Didier?’
‘Perjuryisthemostlikeablecrime,ofcourse,’hesaid,withfinality.
‘CanIbelieveyou?’Iasked.
‘Doyouswear?’Naveenadded.
‘Because,’Didiercontinued,‘it’sonlylyingthatsavestheworldfrombeingpermanentlymiserable.’
‘Butisn’thonestyjustspokentruth?’Naveengoaded.
‘No,no!Honestyisachoiceaboutthetruth.Thereisnothingintheworldmoredestructivetotruth,orinfuriatingtotheintellect,thanapersonwhoinsistsonbeingcompletelyandentirelyhonestabouteverything.’
‘Icompletelyandentirelyagreewithyou,’Divyasaid,raisingherglassinsalute.‘WhenIwanthonesty,Iseemydoctor.’
Didierwarmedwiththeencouragement.
‘Theyslinkupbesideyou,andwhisperIthoughtyoushouldknow.Thentheyproceedtodestroyyourconfidence,andtrust,andeventhequalityofyourlifewiththeirdisgustingfragmentofthetruth.Somescrapofrepugnantknowledgethattheyinsistonbeinghonestwithyouabout.Somethingyou’drathernotknow.Somethingyoucouldhatethemfortellingyou.Somethingyouactuallydohatethemfortellingyou.Andwhydotheydoit?Honesty!Theirpoisonoushonestymakesthemdoit!No!Givemecreativelying,anyday,overtheuglinessofhonesty.’
‘Honestly,Didier!’Kavitamocked.
‘You,Kavita,ofallpeople,shouldseethewisdomofwhatIamsaying.Journalists,lawyersandpoliticiansarepeoplewhoseprofessionsdemandthattheyalmostnevertellthewholeofthetruth.Iftheydid,iftheywerecompletelyhonestabouteverysecretthingtheyknow,civilisationwouldcollapseinamonth.Dayafterday,drinkafterdrink,programafterprogram,itistheliethatkeepsusgoing,notthetruth.’
‘Iloveyou,Didier!’Divyashouted.‘You’remyhero!’
‘I’dliketobelieveyou,Didier,’Naveenremarked,straight-faced.‘Butthatperjurything,itkindakicksthestooloutfromunderyourcredibility,youknow?’
‘Perjuryisbeinghonestwithyourheart,’Didierresponded.
‘So,honesty’sagoodthing,’Kavitaobserved,herfingeraimedatDidier’sheart.
‘Alas,evenDidierisnotimmune,’Didiersighed.‘Iamheroic,inthematteroflying.JustaskanypolicemaninSouthBombay.ButIamonlyhuman,afterall,andfromtimetotimeIlapseintoappallingactsofhonesty.Iambeinghonestwithyounow,andIamashamedtoadmitit,byadvisingyoutolieasoftenasyoucan,untilyoucanliewithcompletehonesty,asIdo.’
‘Youlovethetruth,’Kavitaobserved.‘It’shonestyyouhate.’
‘Youarequiteright,’Didieragreed.‘Believeme,ifyouhonestlytellthewholeofthetruth,aboutanyoneatall,someonewillwanttoharmyouforit.’
Thegroupbrokeupintosmallerconversations,DidieragreeingwithKavita,andNaveenarguingwithDivya.Ispoketotheyoungwomansittingnearme.
‘Wehaven’tmet.Myname’sLin.’
‘Iknow,’sheansweredshyly.‘I’mSunita.I’mafriendofKavita.Well,actually,I’mworkingwithKavita.I’macadetjournalist.’
‘Howdoyoulikeit,sofar?’
‘It’sgreat.Imean,it’sareallygreatopportunityandall.ButI’mhopingtobeawriter,likeyou.’
‘Likeme?’Ilaughed,bewildered.
‘I’vereadyourshortstories.’
‘Mystories?’
‘Allfiveofthem.Ireallylikethem,butIwastooshytotellyou.’
‘Justhowdidyougetholdofthesestories?’
‘Well,’shefaltered,confused.‘Ranjitgaveme–Imean,MrRanjit–hegavemeyourstoriestoproofread.Isearchedthemfortypos,andsuch.’
Istared,notwantingtotakeitoutonher,buttooangryandconfusedtohidemyfeelings.Ranjithadmystories?How?HadLisagiventhemtohim,behindmyback,andagainstmywishes?Icouldn’tunderstandit.
‘I’vegotthemrighthere,’Sunitasaid.‘Iwasgoingtohavemylunchalonetoday,andcontinueproofing,butMissKavitaaskedmetojoinher.’
‘Givethemtome,please.’
Shefishedaroundinalargeclothbag,andgavemeafolder.
Itwasred.I’dfiledallofmystoriesbycolouredtheme.RedwasthefilecolourI’dchosenforsomeshortstoriesabouturbanholymen.
‘Ididn’tgivepermissionforthesestoriestobeprinted,’Isaid,checkingtoseethatallfivestorieswereincludedinthefile.
‘But–’
‘It’snotyourfault,’Isaidsoftly,‘andnothingwillhappentoyou.I’llwriteanoteforRanjit,andyou’llgiveittohim,andeverythingwillbeokay.’
‘But–’
‘Gotapen?’
‘I–’
‘Justkidding,’Isaid,pullingapenfrommyvestpocket.
Thelastpage,onthelaststory,hadonlytwolinesonit.
Arroganceispride’scallingcard,andcrowdseverythingwithSelf.Gratitudeishumility’scallingcard,andisthespaceleftinsideforlove.
Itseemedappropriate,asnotepaperforRanjit.Ipulledthetypedpagefromthestory,wrotethelinesagaininhandonthenewlastpage,andclosedthefile.
‘Lin!’Didiercantankered.‘Youarenotdrinking!Putdownthatpenatonce.’
‘Whatareyoudoing?’Kavitaasked.
‘Ifit’sawill,’Naveensaid,‘there’sprobablyaway.’
‘Ifyoumustknow,’Isaid,glancingatKavita,‘I’mwritinganote,toyourboss.’
‘Aloveletter?’Kavitaasked,sittingupstraight.
‘Kinda.’
Iwrotethenote,foldedit,andgaveittoSunita.
‘Butno,Lin!’Didierprotested.‘Itisinsupportable!Yousimplymustreadthenoteoutloud.’
‘What?’
‘Therearerules,Lin,’Didierriposted.‘Andwemustbreakthemateveryopportunity.’
‘That’scrazierthanIam,Didier.’
‘Youmustreadittous,Lin.’
‘It’saprivatenote,man.’
‘Writteninapublicplace,’Kavitasaid,snatchingthenotefromSunita.
‘Hey,’Isaid,tryingtograbthenoteback.
Kavitajumpedupquicklyandstoodatable-widthaway.Shehadaraspyvoice,thekindofvoicethat’sinterestingbecauseofhowmuchitkeepsinside,asitspeaks.
Shespokemynote.
Letmebeclear,Ranjit.IthinkyourtycoonmodelofmediabaronisaninsulttotheFourthEstate,andIwouldn’tletyoupublishmydeathnotice.
IfyoutouchanyofmyworkagainI’llvisityou,andrearrangeyou.
Thegirlwho’sbringingthisnotehasmynumber.Ifyoutakethisoutonher,ifyoufireher,orinanywayhurtthemessenger,she’llcallme,andI’llvisityou,andrearrangeyou.Stayawayfromme.
‘Iloveit!’Kavitalaughed.‘Iwanttobetheonewhopassesiton.’
Ashout,thenthesoundofbrokenglassshatteringonthemarblefloormadeuslookwithotherstowardthelargeentrancearch.Concannonwasthere,lockedinascufflewithseveraloftheLeopold’swaiters.
Hewasn’talone.TherewereScorpiongangmenwithhim.Thebigguy,Hanuman,wasbehindConcannonandafewotherfacesIrememberedfromthatredhourinthewarehouse.
ThelasttopushhiswayintothedoorwaywasDanda,thetorturerwiththepencilmoustache.Therewasaleatherear-patchstrappedacrosshisleftear.
Concannonwascarryingasap,aleadweightwrappedinasewnleatherpouch,andfastenedbyacordaroundthewrist.Helashedoutwithit,strikingtheSikhchiefofLeopold’ssecurityonthetemple.Gaspsandcriesofhorrorroseupfromallthosewhowitnessedit.
ThetallSikhwaitercrumpledandfell,hislegsmeltingbeneathhim.Otherwaitersscrambledtohelp.Concannonswungatthemwhiletheyweretryingtosupporttheircomrade,drawingblood,andfellingmen.
TheScorpionsburstintotherestaurant,pushingtablesasideandscatteringfrightenedpatrons.Bottles,glassesandplatessmashedonthefloor,shatteringinfrothypuddles.Tablesrockedandtumbledover.Chairsskitteredawayfromthebrawlingmassofmen.Customersscrambled,fallingoverthechairs,andslippingonthemessyfloor.
Kavita,NaveenandIstoodquickly.
‘Gonnagetmessy,’Isaid.
‘Good,’Kavitasaid.
Iflickedaglanceather,andsawthatshehadanemptybottleinonehandandahandbagintheother.
Thenearestexitwasblockedwithpeople.Therewasacornerbehindus.Ifwepushedthetableback,Divyaandtheyounggirl,Sunita,couldgetbehinditandbesafe.IlookedatNaveen,andhespokemythought.
‘Divya,getinthecorner,’hesaid,pointingbehindhim,hiseyesonthefighting.
Foronce,thesocialitedidn’tfight.ShegrabbedSunitawithherintothecorner.IlookedatKavita.
‘Inthere?’shescoffed.‘Fuckyou.’
Whatevertheirreasonsforthewildattack,ConcannonandtheScorpionshadchosentheirmomentwell.Itwasthedozyhalfoftheafternoon,longbeforetheeveningrushofpatrons.HalfoftheLeopold’swaiterswereupstairs,catchinguponsleep.
Caughtbysurprise,theworkingstaffputupavaliantresistance,buttheywereoutnumbered.Thestruggling,fightingmassofmensurgedthroughtherestauranttowardus.Ithadtobeslowed,beforeitcouldbestopped.
‘Let’sfucktheseguysup,’Kavitagrowled.
Weranatthegangstersinthemob,tryingtomovethefightbacktowardtheentrance.Afewcustomersjoinedus,pushingatthethugs.
Naveenthumpedoutpunches,precisionquick.Ipulledonemanoffasemi-consciouswaiter.Helosthisbalanceandfellbackwards.Kavitaswungheremptybeerbottle,slammingitagainsttheman’shead.Othercustomerskickedathim,ashefellagain.
Thesleepingwaitersofthenightshift,awakenedbytheownerofLeopold’s,beganstreamingdownthenarrowstaircasebehindus.TheforwardmomentumoftheScorpionthugsstopped.Thetideturned.TheScorpionsbegantostumblebackwards
NaveenandIwerepushedanddraggedtowardthestreetwiththem,caughtbetweenenemiesandreinforcements.Aswenearedthedoor,IfoundmyselffacetofacewithConcannon.
Ifheknewhewaslosingthefight,hiseyesdidn’tshowit.Theygleamedlikethescalesofafishinshallowwater,aflamewithcoldlight.Hewassmiling.Hewashappy.
Heraisedtheleadsapslowly,untilitwaslevelwithhisshoulder,andspoketome.
‘Thedevil’sgotacrushonyou,boy!’hesaid,andthenlashedoutwiththesap.
Iduckedquicklytomyright.Thesaphitthebackofmyleftshoulder.Ifeltthebonebeneaththemuscleshudderundertheblow.Comingupfast,Iswungoutwithanover-handright.Ithithimsquareonthesideofthehead,makingsolidcontact.Ithadeverythinginit.Itwasn’tenough.
Concannonshookhisheadandgrinned.HeraisedthesapagainandIgrabbedathim,shovinghimbackwardsontothestreet.
Inthemovies,menfightforlongminutes,takingturnstohitoneanother.Inarealstreetfight,everythinghappensmuchfaster.Everyoneswingsatanythingtheycan,andifyou’reknockedtothefloor,mostofthetimeyoustaythere.
Sometimes,ofcourse,theflooristhesafestplacetobe.
Bunchingmyfistsagainstmyforehead,waitingforanopportunity,IstaredthroughmyknucklesatConcannon.Hewastryingtohitmewiththesap.Iducked,dodgingandweaving,buttakingblowsasIparried.
AsIsteppedback,keepingmybalance,IcameupagainstNaveen.Weglancedatoneanotherquickly,andstoodbacktoback.
Wewerealone,betweenLeopold’sandtherowofstreetstalls.Thewaitershesitatedinthelargedoorwayarch.Theywereholdingtheline.Whathappenedonthestreetwasnoneoftheirbusiness.Theyweremakingsurethatthefightdidn’tspillbackinsidetherestaurant.
TheScorpionsmovedin.Naveenfacedfourmenalone,hisbacktomine.Icouldn’thelphim.IhadConcannon.
Isawanopening,andsnappedleftsandrightsatthetallIrishman,butforeverypunchIlanded,herepliedwithahitfromthesap.Thedeadlyweightconnectedwithmyface,drawingfastblood.AndnomatterhowhardorhowwellIconnectedwithmypunches,Icouldn’tputhimdown.
Wordscameintomymind,shawlsofsnowinthewind.
So,thisisit
Assuddenlyasithadstarted,thebrawlstopped.TheScorpionspulledawayfromus,circlingaroundConcannon.
NaveenandIlookedbackwardsforasecond.WesawDidier.Hehadaguninhishand.Iwasverygladtoseehim.Hewassmiling,justasConcannonhadsmiled.StandingbesidehimwasAbdullah.
AswesteppedawayfromthemuzzleofDidier’sautomaticpistol,Abdullahreachedoutwithhislefthand,placeditoverDidier’shand,andslowlyloweredituntilthehandgunwasatDidier’sside.
Therewasamomentofsilence.TheScorpionsstaredhard,strandedonthewet-redfootprintbetweenfightandflight.Witnesseshidingbehindstallswerebreathingfast.Eventheceaselesstraffic,itseemed,wassoftened.
Concannonspoke.Itwasamistake.
‘Youfuckin’ugly,long-hairedIraniancunt,’hesaid,showingallofhisyellowteeth,andadvancingonAbdullah.‘YouandIbothknowwhatyouare.Whydon’tyouspeak?’
Abdullahhadagun.HeshotConcannoninthethigh.Peoplescreamed,shoutedandscrambledoutoftheway.
TheIrishmanstaggered,stillfighting,wantingtohitAbdullahwiththesap.Abdullahshothimagain,inthesameleg.Concannonfell.
Abdullahfiredtwicemore,fasterthanmyeyecouldfollow.WhenHanumanandDandareeledbackwards,IrealisedthatthebigScorpionandhisthinfriendhadbeenshotinthelegtoo.
TheScorpionswhocouldstillrun,ran.Concannon,abornsur-vivor,wascrawlingaway,usinghiselbowstodraghimselfbetweenthesouvenirstallstowardtheroad.
Abdullahtooktwosteps,andputhisfootdownhardontheIrishman’sback.Didierwasathisside.
‘You…fuckin’…coward…’Concannonspluttered.‘Goon!Doit!You’renothing!’
Therewasalotofbloodcomingfromthetwowoundsinhisleg.AbdullahheldthepistoloverthebackofConcannon’shead,andpreparedtofire.Thefewpeoplestillcloseenoughtoseewhatwashappeningscreamed.
‘Enough,brother!’Ishouted.‘Stop!’
ItwasDidier’sturntoputahandonAbdullah’sarm,gentlypushingthehandguntoAbdullah’sside.
‘Toomanywitnesses,myfriend.’Hesaid.‘Dommage.Gonow.Gofast.’
Abdullahhesitated.Therewasaninstinctworkinginhim.Iknewit.I’dheardthevoiceofthatinstinct,behindthewall.InthatmomenthewantedtokillConcannonmorethanhewantedtolive.Isteppedinbesidehim,asmenhadsteppedinformeinprison,guardingmyheartasmuchasmylife.
‘Theonlyreasonthecopsaren’there,’Isaid,‘isbecausetheScorpionsmust’vepaidthemtostayawaywhiletheyattackedtheplace.Thatwon’tlastmuchlonger.We’vegottago.’
HetookhisfootoffConcannon’sback.TheIrishmanimmediatelybegantodraghimselftowardtheroad.
Twocarspulledup.ScorpionmenloadedConcannonandthewoundedgangstersintotheback.Theyspedaway,knockingataxifulloftouristsoutoftheway.
NaveenAdairhadhisarmaroundDivya.Sunita,thecadetjournalist,waswiththem.
‘Areyouokay?’IaskedDivya.
‘Fuckingmen,’shereplied.‘You’reallidiots.’
‘Areyouokay?’IaskedSunita.
Shewasclutchingtheredfolderofmystories,huggingthemtoherchest.Shewastrembling.
‘I’mfine,’shereplied.‘But,Ihavearequest,andIdon’twanttoaskit,whileyouarebleeding.Yourfaceisbleeding,doyouknow?’
‘O…kay.Canwemakeitquick?’
Shehandedmebackmyshortstories,andheldupthenoteI’dwrittentoRanjit
‘Pleaseletmedeliveryournote,’shesaid.
‘Ah…’
‘Please.Youhavenoideahowmuchthismanhasharassedme,sexually,andI’malmostfaintingwiththepleasureofthinkingaboutgivingthisnotetohim.Ididn’thavelunch,also,somaybeI’malittlehypoglycaemic,butitfeelslikeareallyterrificholidayforme,so,sorryforyourface,butpleaseletmegivehimthisnote.’
DidierandKavitajoinedme.
‘Didier,willyougiveSunitayourphonenumber,andescorthertoRanjit’soffice?’
‘Certainly,butyoumustleavenow,Lin.’
Therewasthesoundofagunshot,fromnotfaraway.
‘Listen,’IsaidtoDidierquickly.‘Lisa’sstayingatthegallery,onCarmichaelRoad.Canyougothere?’
‘Ofcourse.’
‘Makesureshe’salright.Staywithher,orkeepherwithyouforacoupleofdays.’
‘Biens?r,’hereplied.‘Whatwillyoudo?’
‘Stayoutofsight.Idon’tknowyet.Takethesestories,andkeepthemforme.’
Ihandedhimthefolder,andranbacktofindAbdullahreadytoride,hisbikebesidemine.
‘Who’sdoingtheshooting?’
‘Ourman,’Abdullahreplied,gunningtheengineofhisbike.
‘Wherearethecops?’Iasked,startingmybike.
‘Theywerecoming,butRavifiredashotintheair,’hereplied.‘Theyhavegoneforbodyarmourandmachineguns.Wemustleavenow.’
Headingintotheafternoontraffic,AbdullahandIthreadedourwaythroughcreepingvinesofcars.Fromtimetotimewetookshortcutsonemptysidewalks,orthroughpetrolstationdriveways.InminuteswedescendedthelonghillatPedderRoadandwerebesidethejuicecentre,insightoftheislandmonumentofHajiAli’stomb.
‘WeshouldreporttoSanjay,’Isaid,whenwestoppedatthesignal.
‘Agreed.’
Wepulledintotheparkingbaysatthejuicecentre.Leavingthebikeswiththeattendants,wecalledthemafiaboss.Hesoundedsleepy,asifwe’drousedhimfromasiesta.
Hewokeupfast.
‘Whatthefuck?Whereareyoufucksnow?’
‘AtHajiAli,’Abdullahreplied,holdingthephonebetweenussothatIcouldhear.
‘Youcan’tcomeback.Thecopswillbehereinminutes,forsure,andIdon’twantthemaskingquestionsyoucan’tanswer.Stayaway,andstayquietforacoupleofdaysforfuck’ssake,youmotherfuckers.Tellmethetruth,wereanyciviliansshot?’
AbdullahbristledatthephraseTellmethetruth.Grittinghisteethindisgust,hehandedmethephone.
‘Nocivilians,Sanjaybhai,’Ireplied.
Thetermciviliansreferredtoanyonewhowasn’tinvolvedinthecriminalunderworld:anyoneotherthanjudges,lawyers,gangsters,prisonguardsandthepolice.
‘TwoScorpionstookitintheleg,andafreelancernamedConcannon.Hegotittwice,inthesameleg,butIwouldn’tcounthimout.Therewerealotofwitnesses.Mostofthemwerestreetguys,orwaitersatLeo’s.’
‘Youmadethisfuckingmess,Lin,andyou’retellingmehowtocleanitup?Fuckyou,motherfucker.’
‘Ifmemoryservesmeright,’Isaidcalmly,‘youshotsomeoneoutsideLeo’s,once.’
Abdullahhelduptwofingers,wagglingthematme.
‘Twice,infact,’Isaid.‘AndIdidn’tstartthismess,Sanjaybhai.TheScorpionsstartedit,andthatwasawhileago.They’vehitusninetimesinthelastmonth.TheyhitLeo’s,becauseit’saplacewealllove,andit’sintheheartofCompanyland.Theforeigner,Concannon,justwantsSanjayCompanyandtheScorpionstokilleachother,becausehe’sstartinghisowngang.That’sasmuchasIknow.Ican’ttellyouwhattodo,andIwouldn’ttry.IcanonlytellyouwhatIknow.That’sforyou,notagainstyou.’
‘Madachudh!Bahinchudh!’Sanjayshouted,andthencalmedhimselfagain.‘Thiswillcostafortunetocoverup.WhodoyouthinksetitupwiththeColabacops?’
‘LightningDilipwasonduty.ButIthinkthisistooambitiousforhim.Helikeshisenemiesalive,andtiedup.’
‘There’sasub-inspector,Matrebyname,who’sbeenonmybackforawhile,’Sanjaymused.‘Motherfucker!Thishasgothissweatalloverit.Thik.I’llhandleeverythingatthisend.Youtwostayoutofsightforacoupleofdays.Checkinwithmeagaintomorrow.PutAbdullahbackonthephone.’
IhandedthephonebacktoAbdullah.Heglaredatmeforamoment.Ishruggedmyshoulders.Helistened.
‘Yes,’hesaidtwice,andhungup.
‘What’sthedeal?’
‘Didheaskyouifyouwereinjured?’Abdullahaskedme.
‘He’snottheaffectionatekind.He’sthedisaffectionatekind.’
‘Hedidnotask,’Abdullahsnarled,frowninghard.
Therewasasmall,broodingsilence,andthenhecamebacktothemoment.
‘Yourface.Youarebleeding.Weshouldseeoneofourdoctors.’
‘Icheckeditinthemirror.It’snotthatbad.’
ItiedahandkerchiefacrosstheplacesonmyforeheadandeyesocketwhereConcannon’ssaphaddrawnblood.
‘Rightnow,’Isaid,‘ourproblemisthatSanjay’snotgoingtowarforus,andwe’reonourown.’
‘Icouldforcehimtowar.’
‘No,Abdullah.Sanjayletmedangleinthewind,andnowhe’slettingyouswingwithme.He’llnevergotowar,untilthewar’sover.’
‘Irepeat,Icanmakehimgotowar.’
‘Whyiswarevenanoption,Abdullah?I’mnotcomplainingthatSanjaywon’tgotowar.I’mgladhewon’tgotowar.I’mgladthatnobodyelsewillgetinvolvedinthis.Wecanhandlepaybackonourown.’
‘Andwewill,Inshallah.’
‘Butsincewearealone,asweseemtobe,wegottaworkoutastrategy,andthetacticstoachieveit,becauseyoujustshotthreepeople.Oneofthemtwice.Whatdoyouwanttodo?’
Helookedawayfromme,checkingthesurroundingjunctionofmajorarterialavenues,carsstreaminggleamingmetalfromonecurrentortheother.
Helookedatmeagainandhalf-openedhismouth,buttherewerenowordsfortheexperience:hewasalone,andhiscomradesweren’tridingtohisrescue.Hewasasoldierbehindenemylines,toldthattheescaperoutehadjustclosed.
‘Ithinkweshouldputasmuchdistanceaswecanbetweenusandthem,forawhile,’Isaid,fillingthedissonantgap.‘MaybeGoa.Wecanridethereovernight.Butdon’ttellanyone.EverytimeItellsomeoneI’mgoingtoGoa,theyaskmetocollecttheirdirtylaundry.’
I’dtriedtoraiseasmile,inthesierraofhisdoubt.Itdidn’twork.
AbdullahglancedbackinthedirectionofSouthBombay.Hewaswrestlingwiththedesiretoreturn,andkilleveryScorpionthatevercrawledoutfromunderarock.Iwaitedforafewmoments.
‘So,what’sthedeal?’
Hewrenchedhimselfintotheminute,andletouttwolongbreaths,charginghiswill.
‘IcametoLeopold’stoinviteyoutocomewithmetoaspecialplace.Itisaluckything,perhaps,thatIcamewhenIdid,butletuswait,untilweseewhattheconsequencesofthisdayare,foreachofus.’
‘Whatspecialplace?’
Helookedagaintothehorizon.
‘Iwasnotexpectingthatwewouldbegoingtherewithsuchadarkshadowfollowingustothemountain,but,willyoucomewithme,now?’
‘And,again,wheremightthatbe?’
‘Toseetheteacherofteachers,themasterwhotaughthiswisdomtoKhaderbhai.Idrissishisname.’
Itastedthenameofthefabledteacher.
‘Idriss.’
‘Heisthere,’Abdullahsaid,pointingtoarangeofhillsonthenorthernhorizon.‘Heisinacave,onthatmountain.Wewillbuywater,here,tocarrywithus.Itisalongclimb,tothesummitofwisdom.’PartFive
ChapterTwenty-Six
Refreshedandpreparedwerodethehotmonsoonhighwaybetweenlumberingtrucksloadedwithhigh,lopsidedbundles,swayingatusateverycurve.Iwasgladoftheride,andgladthatAbdullahwasracingforonce.Ineededthespeed.Reactiontimesbetweenspeedingcarsfromlanetolaneweresosmallthatfierceconcentrationkilledthepain.Iknewpainwouldcome.Paincanbedeferred,butneverdenied.Aftertheride,letitcome,Ithought.Painisjustproofoflife.
IntwohourswereachedtheturnoffthatledintotheSanjayGandhiNationalPark.Wepaidtheentrancefeesandbeganthelong,slowridethroughthejungle-thickforestatthefootofthemountain.
Thewindingroadleadingtothetallestpeakinthereservewasinsurprisinglygoodcondition.Recentstormshadshakenbranchesloosefromtreesclosetotheroad,butlocalforestdwellers,whosehutsandhand-builtcompoundscouldbeseenhereandtherethroughthelushundergrowth,quicklysweptthemupforfirewood.
Wepassedgroupsofwomendressedinflower-gardensaris,walkingsinglefileandcarryingbundlesofsticksontheirheads.Smallchildrendraggingtheirownsticksandbunchesoftwigstrailedbehindthewomen.
Theparkwaswildwithrain-soakedlife.Weedsrosetoshoulderheight,vineswrithedandsquirmedacrossthetreillageofbranches.Lichens,mossesandmushroomsflourishedineverydampshadow.
Pink,mazarineblueandVanGoghyellowwildflowerstrailedacrosstheleafywaterloggedcarpetoftheforest.Leavesburnedredbyraincoveredtheroadlikepetalsinatemplecourtyard.Earth’sfrayed-barkperfumesaturatedtheair,drawnupintoeverysoddenstem,stalkandtrunk.
Councilsofmonkeys,meetinginassemblyontheopenroad,scatteredasweapproached.Theyscamperedtonearbyrockyoutcropsandboulders,theirmouthspinchedinsimianoutrageatourintrusion.
Whenoneparticularlylargetroopofanimalsscatteredintothetrees,makingmestartwithfright,Abdullahcaughtmyeyeandallowedhimselfararesmile.
HewasthebravestandmostloyalmanI’deverknown.Hewashardonothers,butmuchharderonhimself.Andhehadaconfidencethatallmenadmiredorenvied
Thegreat,squareforeheadloomedovertheceaselesslyquestioningarcofhiseyebrows.Adeep,blackbeardcoveredeverythingbuthismouth.Thedeep-seteyes,thecolourofhoneyinaterracottadish,weresad:toosadandkindforthewide,proudnose,highcheekbonesandlock-firmjawthatgavehisfaceitsfearsomeset.
He’dgrownhishairlongagain.Itdescendedtohisbroad,thickshoulders,amanethatbecamethestrengthprowlinginhislongarmsandlegs.
Menfollowedhisface,formandcharacterintowar.Butsomethinginhim,humblereticenceorcautiouswisdom,pulledhimbackfromthepowerthatsomemenintheSanjayCompanyurgedhimtotake.Theybeggedhim,butherefusedtolead.Andthat,ofcourse,madethemurgehimallthemore.
Irodethejungleroadbesidehim,lovinghim,fearingforhim,fearingformyselfifeverIlosthim,andnotthinkingaboutwhathadhappenedtomeinthatfight,andhowitmightbeworkingonmybody,ifnotmymind.
Aswereachedtheclearedgravelparkingspaceatthefootofthemountain,andturnedoffourbikes,IheardConcannon’svoice.
Thedevil’sgotacrushonyou,boy.
‘Areyoualright,Linbrother?’
‘Yeah.’
Thedriftofmyeyesfoundaphone,onthecounterofasmallshop.
‘ShouldwecallSanjayagain?’
‘Yes.Iwilldoit.’
HespoketoSanjayfortwentyminutes,answeringthemafiadon’smanyquestions
Itwasquiet,atthefootofthemountain.Asmallshop,theonlystructureinthegravelparkinglot,soldsoftdrinks,crispsandsweets.Theattendant,aboredyouthwithadreamyexpression,lashedoutnowandthenwithahandkerchieftiedtoasmallbamboostick.Theswarmofmitesandfliesscattered,forasecondortwo,butalwaysreturnedtothesugar-stainedcounteroftheshop.
No-oneelseapproachedtheparkingarea,ordescendedfromthemountain.Iwasglad.Iwasshakingsohardthatittookmeallofthosetwentyminutestogetmyselftogether.
Abdullahhungupthephone,andsignalledformetofollowhim.Icouldn’ttellhimthatIfelttooweakandbeatuptoclimbamountain:sometimes,allthegutsyouhaveisthegutsyoupretend,becauseyoulovesomeonetoomuchtolosetheirrespect.
Weclimbedupsomesteepbutwideandwell-madestonestepstothefirstplateauofthemountain.Therewasalargecavethatfeaturedheavy,squatcolumnssupportingamassivegraniteplinth.Thearchedentranceledtoachamberedsanctum.
Furtheralongtheupwardpath,westoodbeforethelargestandmostspectacularcave.Atthehigh,archedentrancetothemaincave,twoenormousstatuesoftheBuddha,fivetimestheheightofaman,stoodguardinalcoves,leftandright.Therewerenofencesorrailingstoprotectthem,buttheywereremarkablywellpreserved.
Afterclimbingforsometwentyminutespastdozensofcaves,weenteredasmallplateauwherethepathwidenedintoseveralwell-troddentracks.Thesummitwasstillsomedistanceabove.
Throughagladeoftall,slendertreesandsea-driftlantanas,wecameuponatemplecourtyard.Pavedinlarge,whitemarblesquaresandcoveredbyasoliddome,thecolumnedspaceendedinasmall,discreetshrinetoasage.
Sombre,andperhapsalittlesorrowful,thestonygazeofthebeardedsaintpeeredintothesurroundingjungle.Abdullahstoppedforamoment,lookingaroundhiminthecentreofthewhitemarblecourtyard.Hishandswereonhiships,andasmallsmiledimpledhiseyes.
‘Aspecialplace?’
‘Itis,Linbrother.ThisiswhereKhaderbhaireceivedmostofhislessonsfromthesage,Idriss.Itwasmyprivilegetobewiththem,forsomeofthoselessons.’
Westoodinsilenceforawhile,rememberingthedeadKhan,Khaderbhai,eachofuspullingadifferentcloakofrecollectionsoverourshoulders.
‘Isitfarfromhere?’
‘Notfar,’hesaid,leadingthewayoutofthecourtyard.‘Butitisthehardestpartoftheclimb.’
Clingingtobranches,grassesandvines,wedraggedourselvesupasteeperpaththatledtothesummit.
Itwasaclimbthatmight’vebeeneasyworkinthedryseason,withrocksandstonessolidlyembeddedintheearthenclifffaceandthenarrowtrack.Butinthosetwilightdaysofthelongmonsoon,itwasahardclimb.
Halfwaytothesummitweencounteredayoungman,whowasdescendingthesamepath.Theinclineatthatpointwassosteepthathehadtoslidedownbackwardsonweedsandvines.
Hewascarryingalargeplasticwatercan.Intheencounterwithusonthenarrowpath,hehadtocrushagainstus,slippingshirttoshirtandgraspingatus,aswedidwithhim.
‘Whatfun!’hesaidinHindi,grinninghappily.‘CanIbringyousomethingfromdown?’
‘Chocolate!’Abdullahsaid,astheyoungmanslippedbelowus,disappearingintothevegetationthatcrowdedtheverticalpath.‘Iforgottobuyit!I’llpayyou,whenyoucomeup!’
‘Thik!’theyoungmancalledbackfromsomewherebelow.
WhenAbdullahandIreachedthesummit,Idiscoveredthatitwasamesa,flat-toppedandexpansive,givingontothelastjaggedhalf-peakofthemountain.
Severallargecaves,cutintothatsteepfragmentofthepeak,offeredviewsofthemesa,andthemanyvalleysrollingintooneanotherbelow,andtotheIslandCity,shroudedinmistandsmokeonthehorizon.
StillpuffingIglancedaround,tryingtogetafeelfortheplace.Itwaspavedwithsmallwhitepebbles.Ihadn’tseenanyoftheminthevalleybelow,orduringtheclimb.They’dbeencarriedtothesummit,onesackatatime.Aspunishingastheworkmust’vebeen,theeffectwasdazzling:sereneandunsullied.
Therewasakitchenarea,openonthreesidesandcoveredwithastretchedgreencanvas,fadedtoacolourthatneatlymatchedtherain-bleachedleavesofthesurroundingtrees.
Anotherarea,completelyobscuredbycanvasshrouds,lookedtobeabathroomwithseveralalcoves.Athirdcoveredareacontainedtwodesksandseveralcanvasdeckchairs,stackedinrows.
Beyondthem,theopenmouthsofthefourcavesrevealedafewdetailsoftheirinteriors:awoodencabinetintheentrancetoone,severalmetaltrunksheapedinsideanother,andalarge,blackenedfireplacewithasmoulderingfirevisibleinathird.
AsIwaslookingatthecaves,ayoungmanemergedfromthesmallestofthem.
‘YouareMrShantaram?’
IturnedtoAbdullah,frowningmysurprise.
‘MasterIdrissaskedmetobringyouhere,’Abdullahsaid.‘ItwasIdrisswhoinvitedyouhere,throughme.’
‘Me?’
Henodded.Iturnedbacktotheyoungman.
‘Thisisforyou,’hesaid,handingmeabusinesscard.
Ireadtheshortmessage:TherearenoGurus
Mystified,IhandedthecardtoAbdullah.Hereadit,laughed,andhandeditbacktome.
‘Quiteacallingcard,’Isaid,readingitagain.‘It’slikealawyer,sayingtherearenofees.’
‘Idrisswillexplainithimself,nodoubt.’
‘But,perhaps,nottonight,’theyoungmansaid,gesturingtowardthecavethatheldafireplace.‘Master-jiisengagedwithsomephilosopherstonight,inatemplebelowthemountain.So,pleasecome.Ihavemadetea,justnow.’
Iacceptedtheinvitationgratefully,satdownonahandmadewoodenstoolsomelittlewayintothecave,andsippedattheteawhenitarrived.
Lostinmythoughts,asItoooftenam,Iguess,IletmymindworryitselfbacktothefightwithConcannon.
Coolerandclearerafterthelongrideandthelongclimbtothesummit,IlookedbackintoConcannon’seyes,asIsatthere,sippingsweetteainthecaveofthesage,Idriss.
Isuddenlyrealiseditwasn’tangerthatI’dfeltafterConcannon’smindlessandbrutalattack:itwasdisappointment.Itwasthekindofdisappointmentthatbelongstofriends,notenemies.
ButbyjoiningtheScorpions,he’dmadehimselfnewenemies.OurguyshadnochoicebuttohitbackattheScorpions:iftheydidn’t,theScorpionswouldseeitasweakness,andhitusagain.Thetroublehadstarted.IhadtogetKarlaoutofthecity:shewasconnectedtotheSanjayCompany.
Andthereitwas.Ididn’tthinkofLisa,orDidier,orevenmyself.IthoughtofKarla.Lisawasatrisk.Concannonknewher:he’dmether.Ishould’vethoughtofLisafirst,butitwasKarla;itwasKarla.
Inthattwistedknotoflove,staringatthescatterofember-rosesinthesoftashesofthefire,Ibecameawareofaperfumedscent.Ithoughtsomeonemust’vebeenofferingfrankincenseatanotherfire,nearby.ButIknewthatperfume.Iknewitwell.
ThenIheardKarla’svoice.
‘Tellmeajoke,Shantaram.’
Theskinonmyfacetightened.Ifeltthechilloffever.Ablood-riverrushedupwardsthroughmybodyandshudderedinmychestuntilmyeyesburnedwithit.
Snapoutofit,Isaidtomyself.Lookather.Breakthespell.
Iturnedtolookather.Itdidn’thelp.
Shestoodinthemouthofthecave,smilingatthewind,herprofiledefyingeverything,herblackhairandsilverscarftrailingbannersofdesirebehindher.High,strongforehead,crescenteyes,finesharpnose,andthegentlejutofapointedchinprotectingthebrokenpromiseofherlips:Karla.
‘So,’shedrawled,‘yougotajoke,ordon’tyou?’
‘HowmanyParsisdoesittaketochangealightglobe?’Iasked.
‘Twoyears,Idon’tseeyou,’shesaid,stillnotturningtofaceme,‘andthebestyoucandoisalight-bulbjoke?’
‘It’stwenty-threemonthsandsixteendays.Youwantajoke,ordon’tyou?’
‘Okay,sohowmanyParsisdoesittaketochangealightglobe?’
‘Parsisdon’tchangelightglobes,becausetheyknowthey’llnevergetanotheroneasgoodastheoldone.’
Shethrewherheadbackandlaughed.Itwasagoodlaugh,agreatlaugh,fromagreatheart,strongandfree,ahawkridingdusk:thelaughthatbrokeeverychaininmyheart.
‘Comehere,’shesaid.
Iwrappedmyarmsaroundher,pressingheragainstthathollowtree,mylife,whereI’dhiddenthedreamthatshewouldloveme,forever.ChapterTwenty-Seven
Everyonehasoneeyethat’ssofterandsadder,andonethat’shardandbright.Karla’slefteyewassofterandsadderthanherright,andmaybeitwasbecauseIcouldonlyseethatsoftlight,greenerthannewleaves,thatIhadnoresistancetoher.Icouldn’tdoanythingbutlisten,andsmile,andtrytobefunnynowandthen.
Butitwasalright.Itwasokay.Itwasarenegadepeace,inthosemomentsonthemorningafterthemountainbroughtherbacktome;themorningofthatsofter,saddereye.
We’dspentthenightinseparatecaves.Therewerethreeotherwomenonthemountain-topmesa,allofthemyoungIndianstudentsofthewiseman,Idriss.Thewomen’scavewassmaller,butcleanerandbetterappointed.
Therewereropebedsandmattresses,wherewe’dsleptonblanketsstretchedoverthebareground,andtherewereseveralmetalcupboards,suspendedonblocksofstonetokeepoutratsandcrawlinginsects.We’dmadedowithafewrustedhookstokeepourbelongingsoffthedustyfloor.
Ihadn’tsleptwell.I’donlyspokentoKarlaforafewminutesafterthatfirsthug,thatfirstsightofherforalmosttwoyears.Andthenshewasgone,again.
Abdullah,bowinggallantlytoKarla,haddrawnmeawaytojointheothermen,gatheredforamealattheentrancetothemen’scave.
Iwaswalkingbackwards,lookingather,andshewasalreadylaughingatme,twominutesafterwere-met.Twoyears,intwominutes.
Duringthemeal,wemetsixyoungdevoteesandstudents,whoexchangedstoriesofwhatitwasthathadbroughtthemtothetopofthemountain.AbdullahandIlistened,withoutcomment.
Bythetimewe’dfinishedeatingthemodestmealofdaalandrice,itwaslate.Wecleanedourteeth,washedourfaces,andsettleddowntosleep.Butmylittlesleepdrownedinanightmarethatchokedmeawakebeforedawn.
Idecidedtobeattheearlyriserstothesimplebathroom.Iusedthelong-droptoilet,thentookasmallpotofwaterandapieceofsoap,andwashedmyselfwithhalfabucketofwater,standingonthepalletfloorofthecanvas-screenbathroom.
Driedanddressedandcoldawake,Imademywaythroughthedarkcamptositbythegutteringfire.I’djustbuilttheembersintoaflamewithtwigsofkindlingaroundabatteredcoffeepot,whenKarlacametostandbesideme.
‘Whatareyoudoinghere?’Karlapurred.
‘IfIdon’tgetcoffeesoon,I’mgonnabiteatree.’
‘YouknowwhatImean.’
‘Oh,youmean,onthemountain?Icouldaskyouthesamething.’
‘Iaskedyoufirst.’
Ilaughedgently.
‘You’rebetterthanthat,Karla.’
‘MaybeI’mnotwhatIusedtobe.’
‘We’reallwhatweusedtobe,evenwhenwe’renot.’
‘That’snottellingmewhatyou’redoinghere,’shesaid.
‘Whatwetell,israrelywhatwedo.’
‘I’mnotdoinganaphorismcontest,’shesaid,frowningasmileandsittingdownbesideme.
‘Wearetheart,thatseesusasart.’
‘Noway,’shesaid.‘Keepyourlinestoyourself.’
‘Fanaticismmeansthatifyou’renotagainstme,you’reagainstme.’
‘Icouldreportyouforaphorismharassment,doyouknowthat?’
‘Honouristheartofbeinghumble,’Ireplied,deadpan.
Wewerespeakingsoftly,butoureyesweresharp.
‘Okay,’shewhispered,‘you’reon.Myturn?’
‘Ofcourseit’syourturn.I’malreadythreeuponyou.’
‘Everygoodbyeisadressrehearsalforthelastgoodbye,’shesaid.
‘Notbad.Hellocanlie,sometimes,butgoodbyealwaystellsthetruth.’
‘Fictionisfact,madestranger.Thetruthaboutanythingisalieaboutsomethingelse.Comeon,stepitup,Shantaram.’
‘What’stherush?There’splentymorewheretheycamefrom.’
‘Yougotsomethin’ornot?’
‘Oh,Isee,it’stothrowmeoff,andputmeoffmygame.Okay,toughgirl,herewego.Inspirationisthegraceofpeace.Truthisthewardenintheprisonofthesoul.Slaverycan’tbeunchainedfromthesystem:slaveryisthesystem.’
‘Truthistheshovel,’shefiredback.‘Yourmissionisthehole.’
Ilaughed.
‘Everyfragmentisthewholeentire,’Karlasaid,firingatwill.
‘Thewholecannotbedivided,’Isaid,‘withoutatyrannyofparts.’
‘Tyrannyisprivilege,unrestrained.’
‘We’reprivilegedbyFate,’Isaid,‘becausewe’redamnedbyFate.’
‘Fate,’shegrinned.‘Oneofmyfavourites.Fateplayspoker,andonlywinsbybluffing.Fateisthemagician,andTimeisthetrick.Fateisthespider,andTimeistheweb.ShallIgoon?’
‘Darkfunny,’Isaid,happierthanI’dbeeninawhile.‘Nice.Trythis–allmenbecometheirfathers,butonlywhenthey’renotlooking.’
Shelaughed.Idon’tknowwhereKarlawas,butIwaswithher,atlast,inathingwebothloved,andshewasmyheaven.
‘Thetruthisabullyweallpretendtolike.’
‘That’sonoldone!’Iprotested.
‘Butagoodone,andworthasecondrun.Whaddayagot?’
‘Fearisthefriendwhowarnsyou,’Ioffered.
‘Lonelinessisthefriendwhotellsyoutogetoutmore,’shecountered.‘Comeon,let’smoveitalonghere.’
‘There’snocountrytoounjust,toocorrupt,ortooinepttoafforditselfastirringnationalanthem.’
‘Bigpolitical,’shesmiled.‘Ilikeit.Trythisonforsize–tyrannyisfear,inhumanform.’
Ilaughed.
‘Musicisdeath,madesublime.’
‘Griefisghostempathy,’shehitbackquickly.
‘Damn!’
‘Yougiveup?’
‘Noway.Thewaytolove,istolovetheway.’
‘Koans,’shesaid.‘Graspingatstraws,Shantaram.Noproblem.I’malwaysreadytogiveloveakickintheass.Howaboutthis–loveisamountainthatkillsyou,everytimeyouclimbit.’
‘Courage–’
‘Couragedefinesus.Anyonewhodoesn’tgiveup,andthat’sjustabouteverybody,isamanorwomanofcourage.Stopwiththecourage,already.’
‘Happinessis–’
‘Happinessisthehyperactivechildofcontentment.’
‘Justicemeans–’
‘Justice,likeloveandpower,ismeasuredinmercies.’
‘War–’
‘Allwarsareculturewars,andallculturesarewrittenonthebodiesofwomen.’
‘Life–’
‘Ifyou’renotlivingforsomething,you’redyingfornothing!’sheparried,herforefingeronmychest.
‘Damn.’
‘Damn,what?’
‘Damn…yougot…better,girl.’
‘So,you’resayingIwon?’
‘I’msaying…yougot…alotbetter.’
‘AndIwon,right?BecauseIcandothisalldaylong,youknow.’
Shewasserious,hereyesfilledwithtiger-light.
‘Iloveyou,’Isaid.
Shelookedaway.Afteratimeshespoketothefire.
‘Youstillhaven’tansweredmyquestion.Whatareyoudoinghere?’
We’dbeenhusky-whisperinginthecontest,tryingnottowaketheothers.Theskywasdark,butaridgeofdawnthecolouroffadedleaveshoveredoverthedistant,cloudyhorizon.
‘Oh,waitaminute,’Ifrowned,realisingatlast.‘YouthinkIcameuphere,becauseyou’rehere?YouthinkIsetthisup?’
‘Didyou?’
‘Wouldyouwantmeto?’
Sheturnedthehalf-profileonme,thatsadder,softereyesearchingmyfaceasifshewasreadingamap.Red-yellowfireshadowsplayedwithherfeatures:firelightwritingfaithandhopeonherface,asfiredoesoneveryhumanface,becausewe’recreaturesoffire.
Ilookedaway.
‘Ihadnoideayouwerehere,’Isaid.‘ItwasAbdullah’sidea.’
Shelaughedsoftly.Wasshedisappointed,orrelieved?Icouldn’ttell.
‘Whataboutyou?’Iasked,throwingafewsticksonthefire.‘Youdidn’tsuddenlygetreligion.Sayitain’tso.’
‘IbringIdrisshash,’shesaid.‘He’sgotatasteforKashmiri.’
Itwasmyturntolaugh.
‘Howlonghasthisbeengoingon?’
‘About…ayear.’
Shewasdreamingsomething,lookingoutatthedawningforest.
‘What’shelike?’
Shelookedatmeagain.
‘He’s…authentic.You’llmeethimlater.’
‘Howdidyoumeethim?’
‘Ididn’tcomeupheretomeethim.IcametomeetKhaled.He’stheonewhotoldmethatIdrisswashere.’
‘Khaled?WhichKhaled?’
‘YourKhaled,’shesaidsoftly.‘OurKhaled.’
‘He’salive?’
‘Verymuchso.’
‘Alhamdulillah.Andhe’suphere?’
‘I’dpaygoodmoneytoseeKhaleduphere.No,he’sgotanashram,downinthevalley.’
Thehard-fisted,uncompromisingPalestinianhadbeenamemberoftheKhaderCouncil.He’dbeenwithusonthesmugglingrunintoAfghanistan.Hekilledaman,aclosefriend,becausethefriendendangeredusall,andthenhewalkedaloneandunarmedintothesnow.
I’dbeenafriend,aclosefriend,butI’dheardnothingofKhaled’sreturntothecity,oranythingaboutanashram.
‘Anashram?’
‘Yeah,’shesighed.
Herfaceandmannerhadchanged.Sheseemedtobebored.
‘Whatkindofashram?’
‘Theprofitablekind,’shesaid.‘Ithasamajesticmenu.That,you’vegottogivehim.Meditationrooms,yoga,massage,aromatherapiesandchanting.Theychantalot.It’sliketheyneverheardoffunk.’
‘Andit’satthebaseofthismountain?’
‘Atthestartofthevalley,onthewestside.’
Shefrownedayawnatme.
‘Abdullahgoesthereallthetime,’shesaid.‘Didn’thetalktoyouaboutit?’
Somethingstaggeredinsideme.IwasgladtoknowthatKhaledwasaliveandwell,butthecherishedfriendshipfeltbetrayed,andmyheartstumbled.
‘Itcan’tbetrue.’
‘Thetruthcomesintwokinds,’shelaughedgently.‘Theoneyouwanttohear,andtheoneyoushould.’
‘Don’tstartthatagain.’
‘Sorry,’shesaid.‘Suckerpunch.Couldn’tresistit.’
Iwassuddenlyangry.Maybeitwasthatsenseofbetrayal.Maybeitwasoldcrying,finallyforcingitswaypasttheshieldofsoftness,gleaminginherkindereye.
‘DoyouloveRanjit?’
Shelookedatme,botheyes,softandhard,staringintomine.
‘IthoughtIadmiredhim,onceuponatime,’shesaid,‘notthatit’sanyofyourbusiness.’
‘Andyoudon’tadmireme?’
‘Whywouldyouaskthat?’
‘Areyouafraidtotellmewhatyouthink?’
‘Ofcoursenot,’shesaidevenly.‘I’mwonderingwhyyoudon’talreadyknowwhatIthinkofyou.’
‘Idon’tknowwhatthatmeans,sohowaboutyoujustanswermyquestion?’
‘Minefirst.Whydoyouwanttoknow?Isitdisappointmentinyourself,orjealousyofhim?’
‘Youknow,thethingaboutdisappointment,Karla,isthatitneverletsyoudown.Butit’snotaboutthat.Iwanttoknowwhatyouthink,becauseitmatterstome.’
‘Okay,youaskedforit.No,Idon’tadmireyou.Nottoday.’
Weweresilentforawhile.
‘YouknowwhatI’mtalkingabout,’shesaidatlast.
‘Idon’t,actually.’
Ifrownedagainandshelaughed:thelittlelaughthatbubblesupfromanin-joke.
‘Lookatyourface,’shesaid.‘Whathappenedtoyou?Felloffyourprideagain,right?’
‘Happily,thefall’snottoofar.’
Shelaughedagain,butitquicklybecameafrown.
‘Canyouevenexplainit?Whyyou’vebeenfighting?Whyafightalwaysfindsyou?’
OfcourseIcouldn’t.BeingkidnappedandstrappedtoabananaloungebytheScorpiongang:howcouldIexplainthat?Ididn’tunderstanditmyself,notanyofit,notevenConcannon.EspeciallynotConcannon.Ididn’tknow,then,thatIwasstandingonatatteredcornerofabloodycarpetthatwouldsooncovermostoftheworld.
‘WhosaysIhavetoexplainit?’
‘Canyou?’sherepeated.
‘Canyouexplainthethingsyoudidtousbackthen,Karla?’
Sheflinched.
‘Don’tholdback,Karla.’
‘MaybeIshouldchasetothecut,sotospeak,andtellyoutheanswer.’
‘Goahead.’
‘Sureyou’vegotthestomachforit?’
‘Sure.’
‘Okaythen,the–’
‘No,wait!’
‘Waitwhat?’
‘Myconversationsub-routineiscryingoutforthatcoffee.’
‘You’rekidding,right?’
‘No,I’mgrievouslycoffee-deprived.That’showyoukickedmyass.’
‘SoIdidwin?’
‘Youwon.CanIhavethecoffeenow?’
Iusedmysleevetosnatchthepotfromthefireandpoursomecoffeeintoachippedmug.IofferedittoKarla,butshewrinkledherlipinaprosceniumarchofdisgust.
‘I’mreadingano,’Iguessed.
‘How’sthatmagicactworkin’out?Drinkthedamncoffee,yaar.’
Isippedatthecoffee.Itwastoostrongandtoosweetandtoobitter,allatthesametime.Perfect.
‘Okay,good,’Icroaked,coffeeshiveringhello.‘I’mgood.’
‘The–’
‘No,wait!’
Ifoundajoint.
‘Okay,’Isaid,puffingitalight.‘I’mgood.Lemmehaveit.’
‘Sureyoudon’tneedamanicure,oramassage?’Karlagrowled.
‘I’msogood,now.Smackmearoundallyoulike,Karla.’
‘Okay,heregoes.Themarksonyourface,andallthescarsonyourbody,arelikegraffiti,scrawledbyyourowndelinquenttalent.’
‘Notbad.’
‘I’mnotfinished.Yourheart’satenant,inthebroken-downtenementofyourlife.’
‘Anythingelse?’
‘Theslumlord’scomingtocollecttherent,Lin,’shesaid,alittlemoresoftly.‘Soon.’
Iknewherwellenoughtoknowthatshe’dwrittenandrehearsedthoselines.I’dseenherjournals,filledwithnotesforthecleverthingsshesaid.Rehearsedornot,shewasright.
‘Karla,look–’
‘You’replayingRussianroulettewithFate,’shesaid.‘Youknowthat.’
‘Andyourmoney’sonFate?Isthatwhatthisisabout?’
‘Fateloadsthegun.Fateloadseverygunintheworld.’
‘Anythingelse?’
‘Whileyoudothis,’shesaid,evenmoresoftly,‘you’reonlybreakingthings.’
Itwasjusttrueenoughtohurt,nomatterhowsoftlyshesaidit.
‘Youknow,ifyoukeepcomingontomelikethis…’
‘Yougotfunnier,’shesaid,laughingalittle.
‘I’mstillwhatIusedtobe.’
Westaredatoneanotherforafewmoments.
‘Look,Karla,Idon’tknowwhatitiswithRanjit,andIdon’tknowhowit’stwowholeyearssinceIlookedatyouandheardyourvoice.IjustknowthatwhenI’mwithyou,it’swildhorseright.Iloveyou,andI’llalwaysbethereforyou.’
Emotionswereleavesinastormonherface.Thereweretoomanydifferentfeelingsformetoread.Ihadn’tseenher.Ihadn’tbeenwithher.Shelookedhappyandangry,satisfiedandsad,allatthesametime.Andshedidn’tspeak.Karla,lostforwords.Ithurther,insomeway,andIhadtobreakthemood.
‘Sureyoudon’twanttotrythatcoffee?’
Sheraisedarattlesnakeeyebrow,andwasabouttofangme,butsoundsfromthecavesalertedustothepresenceofothers,wakingwiththedawn.
Webreakfastedwiththehappydevoteesandweredrinkingoursecondmugofchai,whenayoungstudentappearedattheridgeofthecampwherethesteepclimbfromtheforestended.Heacceptedachaigratefully,andannouncedthatthemasterwouldn’tbejoiningusuntilafterlunch.
‘That’sit,’Karlamuttered,movingtotheopenkitchen,wheresherinsedouthercupandsetitonastandtodry.
‘That’swhat?’Iasked,joiningheratthesink.
‘I’vegottimetogodown,visitKhaled,andbebackbeforeIdrissgetshere.’
‘I’mcomingwith,’Isaidquickly.
‘Waitaminute.Calloffthemyrmidons.Whyareyoucoming?’
Itwasn’tanidlequestion.Karladidn’tidle.
‘Why?BecauseKhaled’smyfriend.AndIhaven’tseenhimsincehewalkedintothesnow,nearlythreeyearsago.’
‘Agoodfriendwouldleavehimthehellalone,rightnow,’shesaid.
‘What’sthatsupposedtomean?’
Shefixedmewiththatlook:hungerburninginatiger’seyes,staringatprey.Ilovedit.
‘He’shappy,’shesaidquietly.
‘And?’
SheglancedatAbdullah,who’dcomeuptostandbesideme.
‘Happy’shardtofind,’shesaidatlast.
‘I’vegotabsolutelynoideawhatyou’retalkingabout.’
‘Happinesshasasignonit,’shesaid.‘ItsaysDoNotDisturb,buteverybodydoes.’
‘Interferingiswhatwedo,’Iinsisted,‘ifwecareaboutsomeone.Weren’tyouinterfering,whenyourippedsomeskinoffmejustnow?’
‘Andwereyouinterfering,betweenRanjitandme?’
‘How?’
‘WhenyouaskedmeifIlovehim.’
Abdullahcoughedpolitely.
‘PerhapsIshouldleaveyouforsometime,’hesuggested.
‘Nosecretsfromyou,Abdullah,’Karlasaid.
‘Butyoukeepplentyofyourown,brother,’Isaid.‘NottellingmethatKhaledishere?’
‘FireawayatAbdullah,Lin,’Karlainterjected.‘Butanswermyquestionfirst.’
‘Whenyouknowwhereweareinthisconversation,comegetme.’
‘Youwereansweringaquestion.’
‘Whatquestion?’
‘Why?’
‘Whywhat?’
‘Whydoyouloveme?’
‘Dammit,Karla!You’rethemostindiscerniblewomanwhoeverspokeacommonlanguage.’
‘Givemeaten-minuteheadstart,’shelaughed.‘No,makeitfifteen.’
‘Whatareyouplanning?’
Shelaughedagain,andprettyhard.
‘IwanttowarnKhaledthatyou’recoming,andgivehimachancetoescape.Youknowhowimportantthatis,don’tyou?Achancetoescape?’
Shewalkedtotheedgeofthemesa,thenslippedoutofsightonthesteeppath.Iwaitedfortheessentialfifteenminutestopass.Abdullahwaslookingatme.Ididn’tbite.Ididn’twanttoknow.
‘Perhaps…sheisrightinthis,’hesaid,atlast.
‘Notyou,too?’
‘IfKhaledlooksatwhathehasthroughyoureyes,insteadofhisowneyes,hemaybelieveinhimselflessthanhedoesnow.AndIneedhimtobestrong.’
‘IsthatwhyyounevertoldmeKhaledwashereinBombay?’
‘Yes,thatwasapartofit.Toprotecthislittlehappiness.Hewasneveraveryhappyman.Yourememberthat,Iamcertain.’
Hewas,infact,themostdourandsternmanI’deverknown.EverymemberofhisfamilyhadbeenkilledinthewarsandpurgesthatpursuedthePalestiniandiasporaintoLebanon.HewassocallusedbyhatredandsorrowthatthemostviciousinsultinhisHindivocabularywasthewordKshama,meaningforgiveness
‘Istilldon’tgetit,Abdullah.’
‘YouhaveaninfluenceoverourbrotherKhaled,’hesaidsolemnly.
‘Whatinfluence?’
‘Youropinionmattersverymuchtohim.Italwaysdid.Andyouropinionofhimwillchange,whenyoucometoknowofhislifenow.’
‘Whydon’twecrossthatbridge,beforeweblowitup?’
‘Butanotherpart,’Abdullahsaid,hishandonmyarm,‘thebiggestpart,wastoprotecthimfromharm.’
‘Whatdoyoumean?HewasaCouncilmember.That’sforlife.No-onecantouchhim.’
‘Yes,butKhaledistheonlymanwhohastheauthoritytochallengeSanjayfortheleadershipoftheCouncil.Thatcanmakesomeresenthim,orfearhim.’
‘OnlyifhechallengedSanjay.’
‘Infact,Ihaveaskedhimtodojustthat.’
Abdullah,themostloyalmanIknew,wasplanningacoup.Menwoulddie.Friendswoulddie.
‘Whyareyoudoingthis?’
‘WeneedKhaled,perhapsmorethanyouknow.Hehasrefused,butIwillaskhimagain,andkeeponaskinghim,untilheagrees.Fornow,pleasekeephispresencehereasecret,justasIhavedone.’
ItwasalongspeechforthetaciturnIranian.
‘Abdullah,noneofthisappliestomeanymore.That’swhatI’vebeentryingtotellyou.I’vebeentryingtofindawaytobringthisupwithyousincewegothere.’
‘Isittoomuchtoaskofyou?’
‘No,brother,’Ireplied,movinghalfastepawayfromhim.‘It’snottoomuchtoask,butithasnothingtodowithmeanymore.Imadeadecision,andI’vebeenwaitingforachancetotellyou.It’ssuchabigthingthatI’vepusheditaway,afterConcannonandtheScorpions,andthenseeingKarlauphere,aftersolong.Iguess…nowistherighttimetofaceit,andgetitoutthere.’
‘Whatdecision?Hasanyonetalkedtoyouaboutmyplan?’
Iletoutaheavysigh.Straighteningup,Ismiled,andleanedbackagainstasquared-offboulder.
‘No,Abdullah,nobodytalkedaboutyourplan.Ineverheardaboutit,untilyoutoldmejustnow.ImadethedecisiontoleaveafterLightningDiliptoldmethatthreekidscancelledonthedopethatDaSilvaandhiscrewareselling.’
‘Butyoudonothaveanythingtodowiththat,andIdonot.Itisnotouroperation.WebothdisagreedwithSanjay,whenhestartedgaradandgirlsinSouthBombay.Itwasnotourdecisiontomake.’
‘No,it’smorethanthat,man,’Isaid,lookingoutatthespiralsofstormswirlingoverthedistantcity.‘IcangiveyoutengoodreasonswhyIshouldleave,andwhyIhavetoleave,butthey’renotimportant,becauseIcan’tthinkofonegoodreasontostay.Bottomlineis,I’mjustdone,that’sall.I’mout.’
TheIranianwarriorfrowned,hiseyessearchingleftandrightthroughaninvisiblebattlefieldfortheLinheknew,whilehismindmadewaronhisheart.
‘Willyoupermitmetopersuadeyou?’
‘Tryingtopersuadeisn’tjustpermitted,amonggoodfriends,’Isaid,‘it’srequired.Butplease,letmespareyouthekindness.Idon’twanttohearyoupleadalostcauseforme.Iknowhowyoufeel,becauseIfeelitmyself.Thetruthis,mymind’smadeup.I’malreadygone,Abdullah.I’mlonggone.’
‘Sanjaywon’tlikeit.’
‘You’rerightaboutthat,’Ilaughed.‘ButIdon’thaveanyfamilytiestotheCompany.Idon’thaveanyfamily,sohedoesn’thavethemafiacardtoplayagainstme.AndSanjayknowsI’mgoodwithpassports.Icouldalwaysbeuseful,sometimedowntheline.He’sacautiousguy.Helikesoptions.I’mguessinghewon’tputfireinmyway.’
‘Thatisadangerousguess,’Abdullahmused.
‘Yeah.Thatitis.’
‘IfIkillhim,youroddswillimprove.’
‘Idon’tknowwhyIevenhavetosaythesewords,Abdullah,butheregoes,Pleasedon’tkillSanjay,forme.Areweclearonthat?Itwouldruinmyappetiteforamonth,man.’
‘Granted.WhenItakehislife,Iwillpurgeyourbenefitfrommymind.’
‘HowaboutnotkillingSanjayatall?’Iasked.‘Foranyreason.AndwhyarewetalkingaboutkillingSanjay?Howdidyouletthishappen,Abdullah?No,no,don’ttellme.I’mout.Idon’twanttoknow.’
Abdullahmulleditoverforawhile,hisjawlocked,andhislipstwitchingwiththetideofreflection.
‘Whatwillyoudo?’
‘IthinkI’llfreelance,’Iansweredhim,myeyesfollowingashadowofthoughtsacrosshiswind-shapedface.‘IthoughtImightstringwithDidierforawhile.He’sbeenaskingmetothrowinwithhimforyears.’
‘Verydangerous,’hemumbled.
‘Moredangerousthanthis?’Iasked,andwhenheopenedhismouthtospeak,Istoppedhim.‘Don’teventry,brother.’
‘Haveyoutoldanyoneelseaboutthis?’
‘No.’
‘Makenomistake,Lin,’hesaid,suddenlystern.‘Iamstartingawar,andImustwinit.YourbeliefinSanjay’sleadershiphasbeenlost,ashasmine,andyouarenolongerwiththeCompany.Verywell.ButIhopethatyourloyaltytomewillensureyoursilence,concerningmyplans.’
‘Iwishyouhadn’ttoldmeaboutit,Abdullah.Conspiraciescontaminate,andI’mcontaminatednow.Butyou’remybrother,man,andifit’sachoicebetweenthemandyou,I’llstandwithyoueverytime.Justdon’ttellmeanymoreabouttheplan,okay?Didn’tanyoneevertellyou,there’snocurseascruelasanotherman’splans?’
‘Thankyou,Lin,’hesaid,smilingsoftly.‘IwilldowhatIcantoensurethatthewardoesnotcometoyourdoor.’
‘I’dpreferitdidn’tcometomysubcontinent.Whywar,Abdullah?Walkaway,man.I’llstandwithyou,outhere,outsidetheCompany,nomatterwhattheythrowatus.Awarwillkillourfriends,aswellasourenemies.Isanythingworththat?’
Heleanedbackagainstthesquaredstonebesideme,hisshouldertouchingmine.Webothlookedoutovertheforestcanopy,andthenherestedhisheadonthestonetolookintothetroubledsky.
Ilaybackagainstthestone,liftingmyfacetofieldsofcloud,ploughedbythestorm.
‘Icannotleave,Lin,’hesighed.‘Wewouldbegoodpartners,itistrue,butIcannotleave.’
‘Theboy,Tariq.’
‘Yes.HeisKhaderbhai’snephew,andmyresponsibility.’
‘Why?Younevertoldme.’
Hisfacesoftenedinthesadsmilewereserveforthememoryofabitterfailurethatbroughteventualsuccess.
‘Khaderbhaisavedmylife,’hesaidatlast.‘Iwasyoung,anIraniansoldierrunningawayfromthewarwithIraq.Igotintobadtrouble,hereinBombay.Khaderbhaiintervened.Icouldnotunderstandwhyamightydonwouldreachouttosaveme,fromadeaththatmyprideandmytemperhadearned.’
Hisheadwasclosetomine,buthisvoiceseemedtobecomingfromsomewhereelse,somewherebeyondthegreatstonesatourbacks.
‘Whenhegrantedmeanaudience,andtoldmethematterwasresolved,assuringmethatIwassafefromharm,IaskedhimhowIcouldrepayhim,’Abdullahcontinued.‘Khaderbhaismiledatmeforalongtime.Youknowthatsmilesowell,Linbrother.’
‘Ido.Stillfeelit,sometimes.’
‘Andthenhemademespillmyblood,withmyownknife,andswearonthatflowingbloodtowatchhisnephew,Tariq,asaprotector,offeringmylife,ifnecessary,foraslongasIortheboyshouldlive.’
‘Hewasamasterofthedevil’scompact.’
‘Ah,yes,’Abdullahsaidquietly,aswesatupandturnedtofaceoneanother.‘ButthatiswhyIcannotsimplywalkawayfromwhatSanjayisdoing.Therearethingsyoudonotunderstand.ThingsIcannottellyou.ButSanjayisbringingfireonourheads,maybeevenonthecityitself.Terriblefire.Theboy,Tariq,isindanger,andIwilldowhateverittakestokeephimsafe.’
Westaredatoneanotherforawhile,notsmilingbutatpeace,somehow.Atlasthestoodup,andslappedmeontheshoulder.
‘Youwillneedmoreguns,’hesaid.
‘I’vegottwoguns.’
‘Exactly.Youneedmoreguns.Leaveittome.’
‘Ihaveenoughguns,’Isaid,startingtocatchup.
‘Leaveittome.’
‘Idon’tneednewguns.’
‘Everybodyneedsnewguns.Evenarmiesneednewguns,andarmieshavemanyguns.Leaveittome.’
‘Tellyouwhat.Ifyoucanfindagunthatmakespeoplegotosleepforacoupleofdayswithouthurtingthem,getmeone,andalotofammunition.’
Abdullahstopped,anddrewmeclosetowhisper.
‘Thiswillbebad,beforeitisgood,Lin.Itisnotajoke.PleaseknowthatIvalueyoursilenceveryhighly,thesilenceoffriendship,becauseIknowthatyouareriskingyourlife,shouldSanjaycometoknowofit.Bepreparedforwar,themoresoifyoudespisewar.’
‘Okay,Abdullah,okay.’
‘LetusgotoKhaled,’hesaid,walkingaway.
‘Oh,sonowit’sokaytodisturbhislittlehappiness,huh?’Isaid,followinghim.
‘Youarenotfamilynow,Linbrother,’hesaidquietly,asIdrewalongsidehimattheedgeofthemesa.‘Youropinionnolongerhasinfluence.’
Istaredintohiseyes,anditwasthere:theblurofindifference,thediminishmentoflove’slightandfriendship’sbrighttrust,thesubtlechangeintheauraofaffectionswhenonestillinsidethefoldlooksintotheeyesofwhatlivesoutside.
I’dfoundahome,abrokenhome,intheSanjayCompany,butthegateswereclosedthereforever.IlovedAbdullah,butloveisaloyaltyofone,andhewasstillinabandofbrothers,loyaltoall.That’swhyI’dwaitedtotellhim:whyI’dletmyselfdriftinsidetheothertidesofKarla’ssoft-eyedclevernessandConcannon’smartialmadness.
IwaslosingAbdullah.Istruckthetree-inside,whatweweretogetherintheCompany,withtheaxeofseparation.Andmyfriend,hiseyesdriftingonstrangercurrents,ledusoverthemesaonthedownwardpath,asthundertumbledinthatthreateningsea,thedrowningsky.ChapterTwenty-Eight
AtthebaseofthemountainAbdullahledmeawaybehindthevalleyofthesandstoneBuddhasanditswell-clearedpaths.Wefollowedajungletrackthroughthickforestforafewminutes,andthenenteredatree-linedapproach,risingonagentleslopetomeetaconcreteandhardwoodhouse,threestoreystall.
Beforewereachedthestepsleadinguptothewideground-floorveranda,Khaledwalkedoutofthevestibuletogreetus.
Dressedinavoluminousyellowsilkrobe,andwithgarlandsofredandyellowflowersaroundhisneck,hestoodwithhisfistslockedontohiships.
‘Shantaram!’heshouted.‘WelcometoShangri-La!’
He’dchanged.He’dchangedsomuchintheyearssinceI’dseenhim.Hishairhadthinnedtothepointthathewasalmostbald.Thefighter’sframehadexpandeduntilhishipsandbellywerewiderthanhisshoulders.Thehandsomefacethathadfrowneditsrageandrecriminationattheworldwasswollen,fromtempletovanishingjaw,andhissmileallbutconcealedhisgolden-browneyes.
ItwasKhaled,myfriend.Irushedthestepstogreethim.
Heextendedhishands,holdingmetwostepsbelow.Ayoungmaninayellowkurtatookaphotographofus,letthecamerafalltoastraparoundhisneck,andpulledanotebookandpenfromhisshirtpocket.
‘Don’tmindTarun,’Khaledsaid,noddinghisheadtowardtheyoungman.‘HekeepsarecordofeveryoneImeet,andeverythingIdoandsay.I’vetoldhimnottodoit,butthenaughtyladwon’tlisten.Andhey,peoplealwaysdowhattheirheartstellthemtodo,isn’titso?’
‘Well–’
‘Igotfat,’hesaid.
Itwasn’tregretfulorironic.Itwasaflatstatementoffact.
‘Well–’
‘Butyoulookveryfit.Whathaveyoubeendoing,togetallthosebruises?BoxingwithAbdullah?Lookslikehegotthebetterofyou.Nosurprise,eh?Certainly,youbothlookfitenoughtomakethatclimbupmymountain,toseeIdriss.’
‘Yourmountain?’
‘Well…thispartofitismine,na?It’sactuallyIdrisswhothinksheownsthewholemountain.He’ssuchachudh.Anyway,comehere,letmegiveyouahug,andthenwe’lltakealookaround.’
Iclimbedthelasttwosteps,andfellintoafleshycloud.Tarunflashedaphotograph.WhenKhaledreleasedmeheshookhandswithAbdullah,andledthewayinside.
‘Where’sKarla?’Iasked,astepbehindhim.
‘Shesaidthatshewillmeetyouagainonthepath,’Khaledrepliedbreezily.‘Sheisjogging,Ithink,toclearhermind.Iamnotsurewhetheritisyouormethatdisturbsherpeace,butmymoneyisonyou,oldfriend.’
Theentrancetothehugeoldhouseopenedintoawidevestibule,withstaircasesleftandright,andarchwaysleadingtothemainroomsofthegroundfloor.
‘ThiswasaBritisher’smonsoonretreat,’Khaledannounced,aswemovedbeyondthevestibuletoasittingroomfeaturingwallsofbooks,twowritingdesks,andseveralcomfortableleatherchairs.‘Itpassedtoabusinessman,butwhenthenationalparkwasestablishedhere,hewasforcedtosellittothecity.Arichfriendofmine,oneofmystudents,hasrenteditfromthecityforsomeyears,andhegaveittome,touse.’
‘Yourstudents?’
‘Indeed.’
‘Oh,Isee.Isthiswhereyoulearnhownottocontactyourfriends,whenyoucomebackfromthedead?’
‘Veryfunny,Lin,’hereplied,inthatflattonehe’dusedwhenhe’ddescribedhimselfasfat.‘ButIthinkyou’llunderstandmyneedfordiscretion.’
‘Fuckdiscretion.You’renotdead,Khaled,andIwanttoknowwhyIdidn’tknowthat.’
‘Thingsarenotassimpleasyouthink,Lin.Andanyway,whatIteachpeopleherehasnothingtodowiththeoutsideworld.Iteachlove.Specifically,Iteachpeoplehowtolovethemselves.Ithinkyou’renotsurprisedthatforsomepeople,that’snoteasy.’
Wewalkedthroughthesittingroom,openedthelouvredFrenchdoorsandenteredawidesunroom,runningthewholewidthofthehouse.Thereweremanywickerarmchairs,withglass-toppedtablesbetweenthem.
Softlywhirringoverheadfansdisturbedtheslenderleavesofpottedpalms.AwallofglasspanelslookedoutintoanEnglish-stylegardenofrosebushes,andneatlyclippedhedges.
TwoprettyyoungWesterngirlsdressedintunicsapproachedus,bowingtoKhaled,theirpalmspressedtogether.
‘Please,takeaseat,’Khaledinvited,pointingtowardtwoofthewickerchairs.‘Whatwillyouhave,hotdrinks,orcold?’
‘Cold,’Abdullahanswered.
‘Thesame.’
Khalednoddedatthegirls.Theybackedupafewsteps,beforewalkingawayoutofsight.Khaledwatchedthemleave.
‘Goodhelpissoeasytofindthesedays,’hesighedcontentedly,asheloweredhimselfintoachair.
Tarunmadenotes.
‘Whathappened?’Iasked.
‘What…happened?’Khaledrepeated,mystified.
‘ThelasttimeIsawyoutherewasadeadlunaticontheground,andyouwalkedintoasnowstorm,withoutagun.Nowyou’rehere.Whathappened?’
‘Oh,’hesmiled.‘Isee.We’rebacktothat.’
‘Yeah.We’rebacktothat.’
‘Youknow,Lin,yougotharder,sinceIsawyoulast.’
‘MaybeIdid,Khaled.MaybeIjustlikethetruth,whenIcangetit.’
‘Thetruth,’hemused.
HeglancedupatTarun,whowasstillmakingnotes.Theassistantstopped,caughtKhaled’seye,sighed,andputhisnotebookaway.
‘Well,’Khaledcontinued,‘IwalkedfromAfghanistan.AndIwalked.AndIwalked.It’ssurprising,really,howfaryoucanwalk,whenyoudon’tcareifyoulive,orifyoudie.Tobeprecise,whenyoudon’tloveyourself.’
‘Youwalkedwhere,exactly?’
‘IwalkedtoPakistan.’
TellmeaboutPakistan,avoicesaidinmyhead.
‘AndafterPakistan?’
‘AfterPakistan,IwalkedtoIndia.ThenIwalkedthroughIndia,toVaranasi.BythetimeIgotthere,wordhadspreadaboutme.AlotofpeopleweretalkingabouttheSilentWalkingBaba,whoneverspokeawordtoanyone.Ittookmeawhiletorealisetheyweretalkingaboutme.Ididn’tspeak,becausebythenIactuallycouldn’tspeak.Physically,Imean.Iwasquitesick,frommalnutrition.Almostdiedfromit.Thehunger,forsomanystarvingmonths,causedmyhairtofallout,andmanyofmyteeth.Mymouthwasswollenwithulcers.Icouldn’tsayaword,tosavemylife.’
Helaughedsoftly,chucklingmotesinasunbeamofmemory.
‘Butpeopletookmysilenceforwisdom,yousee?Lessreallyismore,sometimes.AndinVaranasi,ImetanEnglishman,LordBob,whoclaimedmeashisguru.Asithappens,hewasveryrich.Alotofmystudentshavebeenrich,infact,whichisfunny,whenyouthinkaboutit.’
Hepaused,staringoutintotheEnglishgarden,asmileofwondermentpullingattheedgesofhismouth.
‘LordBob…’Iprompted.
‘Oh,yes.LordBob.Hewassuchakindandcaringman,buthewasinneedofsomething.Desperatelyinneed.Hespenthiswholelifesearchinginvainfortheonethingthatwouldgivehislifemeaning,andthenhefinallycametomeforananswer.’
‘Whatwasit?’Iasked.
‘Ihavenoidea,’Khaledreplied.‘Ihadnoideawhathewassearchingfor,frankly.Notaclue.Hewasstinkingrich,afterall.Whatcouldhepossiblywant?ButIdon’tthinkitmatteredmuchtoLordBobthatIcouldn’thelphim,becauseheleftmeeverything,whenhedied.’
Thegirlsreturnedwithtwotrays,andsetthemdownontablesnearus.Thereweredrinksinlongglasses,andseveraldishesofdriedpapaya,pineappleandmango,andthreevarietiesofshellednuts.
BowingdeeplytoKhaled,theirhandspressedtogetherreverently,thegirlsbackedawayandthenturned,glidingacrossthetiledverandaonbarefeet.
Iwatchedthegirlsoutofsight,andturnedtoseeKhaled,staringdreamilyatthegarden,andAbdullahstaringfixedlyatKhaled.
‘Iwasthere,inVaranasi,fornearlytwoyears,’Khaledreflected.‘AndImissit,sometimes.’
Helookedaroundthen,andpickeduponeoftheglasses.Hehandedittome,passedanothertoAbdullah,andtookalongsiphimself.
‘Theyweregoodyears,’hesaid.‘IlearnedalotfromLordBob’swillingnesstosubjugatehimself,andsurrendertome.’
Hechuckled.IglancedatAbdullah.Didhesaysubjugate?Didhesaysurrender?Itwasastrangemoment,inanalreadystrangehour.Wesippedourdrinks.
‘Andhewasn’ttheonlyone,ofcourse,’Khaledcontinued.‘Thereweremanyothers,evenelderlysadhus,allofthemtoohappytokneelandtouchmyfeet,eventhoughIsaidnothingatall.Andthat’swhenIunderstoodthepowerthatcomesintouswhenanotherman,evenifit’sonlyoneother,bendshiskneeindevotion.Iunderstoodthatmensellthepowerofthatdreamtowomen,everytimetheypropose.’
Helaughed.Istaredatmydrink,atthelinesofmoisturethatzigzaggedthroughthesilverfiligreedesignonthesurfaceoftheruby-redglass.Iwasbecomingincreasinglyuneasy.TheKhaledwhospokesocomplacentlyaboutotherskneelingbeforehimwasn’tthefriendI’dloved.
KhaledturnedtoAbdullah.
‘Ithinkourbrother,Lin,israthersurprisedthatwhilemyEnglishhasimproved,intheyearswithLordBob,myAmericansensibilityhasdeclined,wouldn’tyousay?’
‘Everymanisresponsibleforhisownactions,’Abdullahreplied.‘Thatlawappliestoyou,andtothosewhochoosetokneelbeforeyou,asitdoestoLin,andtome.’
‘Wellsaid,oldfriend!’Khaledcried.
Heplacedhisglassonthetable,andliftedhimselfwithsomegruntingeffortfromthechair.
‘Come!Iwanttoshowyousomething.’
Wefollowedhimbackintothehouseandthroughtothestaircasesflankingtheentrancevestibule.Khaledpausedatthefootofthestairsforamoment,hishandrestingontheturnedwoodenpommel.
‘Ihopeyoulikedthejuice,’heaskedearnestly.
‘Sure.’
‘It’sthedropofmaplesyrupthatmakesthedifference,’hepressed.
Therewasapause.Iunderstood,atlast,thathewantedareply.
‘Thejuicewasfine,Khaled,’Isaid.
‘Goodjuice,’Abdullahechoed.
‘I’msoglad,’Khaledsaidflatly.‘You’vegotnoideahowlongittookmetotrainthekitchenstaffonthejuices.Ihadtoflogoneofthemwithaspatula.AndthedramaIhadwiththedesserts,don’tletmegothere.’
‘Youhavemyword,’Isaid.
Hetookonestep,butthenturnedquicklytospeaktoTarun,who’dbeenfollowingus.
‘Youcanwaithere,Tarun,’Khaledsaid.‘Infact,takeabreak.Getyourselfabiscuit.’
Crushed,Tarunambledaway.Khaledwatchedhimleave,suspicionsquintinginhiseyes.
TheoldKhaledcould’vetakenthestepsthreeatatime,andbeatenanymaninBombaytothetopfloor.ThenewKhaledpausedtwiceonthefirstflight.
‘Thisfloor,’hepuffed,aswereachedthefirstfloor,‘hasallofourmainmeditationandyogahalls.’
‘Doalotofyoga,then?’Iasked,channellingtheimpishspiritofGeminiGeorgeforamoment.
‘No,no!’Khaledrepliedseriously.‘I’mmuchtoofatandunfitforthat.Iwasalwaysaboxingandkarateman,anyway.Yourememberthat,Lin.’
Iremembered.IrememberedwhenKhaledcouldfightanymaninthecitybutAbdullahintotheground,andstillhaveenergytospare.
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Butyogaisverypopular,withmypeople.They’reatitallthetime.They’ddoitallnight,ifIletthem.Ipracticallyhavetohosethemdowntomakethemstop.’
Throughthenearestdoorinthecorridor,wecouldseeaclassofadozenpeople,sittingonmats.Flutemusiccamefromspeakersfixedtothewalls.
Regaininghisbreath,Khaledledustothesecondfloor.
Thecorridoratthatlevelshowedmanycloseddoors,runningthelengthofthebuilding.
‘Dormitories,’Khaledwheezed.‘Andsinglerooms.’
Hegentlyeasedopenthedoortothenearestroom.Wesawseveralgirls,sleepingonsinglebedsundertent-polemosquitonets.Thegirlswerenaked.
‘Mymostdevotedstudents,’Khaledsaid,inthatsamebewilderinglyflattone.
‘Whatthefuck,Khaled?’Isnapped,butheputhisfingertohislips,silencingme.
‘Please,Lin,bequiet!Wewon’tgetaminute’speace,ifyouwakethemup.’
‘Okay,bye,Khaled,’Isaid,leaving.
‘Whatareyoudoing?’Khaledasked,apuzzlestampedonhisforehead.
‘Well,I’mgonnakeeponwalkinguntilI’mnothere.That’swhatgoodbyemeans.’
‘No,Lin,what’sthematter?’heasked,pullingthedoorclosedgently.
‘Thematter?’Isaid,stoppingatthetopofthestairs.‘What’sthatinthere,aharem?Haveyougonenuts,Khaled?Whodoyouthinkyouare?’
‘Everyonehereisfreetoleave,Lin,’hesaidflatly,hisfrowndarkeningattheedges.‘Includingyou.’
‘Whatacoincidence,’Isighed,turningtogo.‘Iwasjustleaving.’
‘No,no,I’msorry,’hesaid,rushingforwardandputtingahandonmyshouldertostopme.‘There’ssomethingyouhavetosee!SomethingImustshowyou!It’sasecret.AsecretIwanttosharewithyou.’
‘I’vehadenoughsecretsforoneday,Khaled.Callme,whenyoucomedownoffthemountain.’
‘ButAbdullahhasn’tseenthesecretyet.Youcan’tdeprivehim,aswell,canyou?Thatwouldbecruel.Abdullah,wouldn’tyouliketoknowthesecret?’
‘Iwould,Khaled,’Abdullahreplied,allfascinatedinnocence.
‘Then,tellLin.Convincehimtostay.Whateverthecase,I’mgoinguptoseethesecret,andyou’rewelcometocomealong,ifyouwant,mybrothers.’
Hereleasedhisgriponmyshoulder,bracedhimselfwithadeepbreathfortheclimbtothethirdfloor,andthentrudgedupthestairs.
IheldAbdullahback.
‘Whatarewedoin’here,Abdullah?’
‘Whatdoyoumean?’
‘Aroomfullofnakedgirls?What’sthematterwithhim?There’splentyofgirls.Theworld’sfullofgirls.Havingyourownroomfulofgirlsiswhatgivescreepyabadname.Comeon,brother.Let’sgo.’
‘But,Lin,’Abdullahwhispered.‘Whataboutthesecret?’
‘Areyoukidding?’
‘Itisasecret.Arealsecret.’
‘Idon’tlikethesecretIheardalready,Abdullah.’
‘Howcanyounotwanttoknow?’
‘Let’sjustsayI’vegotpsychicasthma,andrightnow,Ineedfreshair.It’smedicinal.Let’sgo.’
‘Pleasestaywithme,Lin,justuntilthesecretisunveiled.’
Isighed.
‘Areyouguyscoming?’Khaledcalledoutfromhisrestingplace,halfwayuptheflightofstairs.‘Thesestairsarekillingme.I’mgettinganelevatorinstallednextweek.’
Abdullahgavemehispleadingfrown.
‘Okay,okay,’Icalledback,headingupthestairs.
Ploddingwearily,Khaledfollowedtheelbowturnofthestairsandfinallycametoacloseddoor.Fetchingakeyfromthefoldsofhiskaftan,heopenedthedoor,andusheredusinside.
Itwasdark.Thelightfromthestairwellrevealedanatticroom,withthefoldedarmsofroofbeamsaboveourheads.Khaledclosedthedoor,lockedit,andclickedonasuspendedlightbulb.
Itwasahoardofobjectsingoldandsilver:jewellednecklacesandchains,spillingfromlittlewoodenchests,scatteredacrossseveraltables.
Therewerecandlesticksandmirrors,pictureframes,hairbrushes,stringsofpearls,jewelledbracelets,watches,necklaces,brooches,rings,earrings,nose-rings,toeringsandevenseveralblackandgoldweddingnecklaces.
Andtherewasmoney.Alotofmoney.
‘NomatterhowItriedtoexplainthis,’Khaledsaid,breathingthroughhisopenmouth,‘nothingcouldeverbeclearerthanseeingitforyourself,na?Thisisthepowerofthebendedknee.Doyousee?Doyousee?’
Therewasasoftlybreathingsilence.Pigeonsbroodedinadistantcorneroftheroofline,theirwarbledcommentsechoinginthelong,closedroom.
Finally,Khaledspokeagain.
‘Taxfree,’hewheezed.
HelookedfromAbdullah,tome,andbackagain.
‘Well?Whatdoyouthink?’
‘Youneedmoresecurity,’Abdullahobserved.
‘Ha!’Khaledlaughed,clappingthetallIranianontheback.‘Areyouvolunteeringforthejob,myoldfriend?’
‘Ihaveajob,’hereplied,evenmoreseriously.
‘Yes,yes,ofcourseyoudo,but–’
‘Yourstudentsgaveyouallthisstuff?’Iasked.
‘Actually,Icallthemstudents,buttheyrefertothemselvesasdevotees,’Khaledsaid,staringatthehoard.‘Therewasevenmorethanthis.’
‘Morethanthis?’
‘Oh,yes.AlotofothergiftsfrommydevoteesinVaranasi.ButIhadtoleavethereratherquickly,andIlosteverything.’
‘Lostithow?’
‘Tothepolice,asabribe,’Khaledreplied.‘That’swhyLordBobsetmeuphere,inthishouse,justbeforehedied.’
‘WhydidyouhavetoleaveVaranasisoquickly?’
‘Whydoyouwanttoknow,Lin,myoldfriend?’
Thejewelsfromthetreasurewereglitteringinhiseyes.
‘Youbroughtitup,man.’
Hestaredatmeforawhile,hesitatingontheglacialedgeofcold-heartedtruth.Hedecidedtotrustme,Iguess.
‘Therewasagirl,’hesaid.‘Adevotee,averysinceredevotee,whocamefromaprominentBrahminfamily.Shewasbeautiful,andultimatelydevotedtome,bodyandsoul.Ididn’tknowshewasbelowtheage.’
‘Comeon,Khaled.’
‘Icouldn’tknow.Youlivehere,Lin,youknowhowprecocioustheseyoungIndiangirlscanbe.Shelookedeighteen,Iswear.Herbreastswereswollenlikeripemangoes.Andthesexwasfullymature.But,alas,shewasonlyfourteen.’
‘Khaled,youjustofficiallyfreakedmeout.’
‘No,Lin,understandme–’
‘Understandsexwithkids?Youwantmetoseeityourway?Isthatit,Khaled?’
‘Butitwon’thappenagain.’
‘Again?’
‘Itcan’thappenagain.I’vetakenmeasures.’
‘You’remakingthisworseeverytimeyouopenyourmouth,Khaled.’
‘Listentome!Imakeeveryoneofthemshowmeabirthcertificatenow,especiallytheyoungerones.I’mprotected,now.’
‘You’reprotected?’
‘Let’sstopallthisserioustalk,yaar.Weallhavethingsinthepastthatweregret,no?Wehaveasaying,inArabic.Takecounselfromhewhomakesyouweep,notfromhewhomakesyoulaugh.Ihaven’tmadeyoulaughtoday,Lin,butthatdoesn’tmeanmycounselisworthless.’
‘Khaled–’
‘Iwantyoutoknowthatyou,andAbdullah,myonlyremainingbrothers,willalwaysbesafe,now.Thispower,thismoneyandmyinheritance,it’sallours.’
‘Whatareyoutalkingabout,Khaled?’
‘Money,toexpandthebusiness,’heunexplained.
‘Whatbusiness?’
‘Thisbusiness.Theashram.Thetimehascometofranchise.Wecanrunthistogether,andspreadoutthroughIndia,andeventuallytoAmerica.Thesky’sthelimit.Literally,infact.’
‘Khaled–’
‘That’swhyI’vewaitedsolongtocontactyou.Ihadtoaccumulatethisfundbase.Ibroughtyouheretoshowyousomethingthat’syours,asmuchasitismine.’
‘You’rerightaboutthat,’Isaid.
‘I’msogladyouunderstand.’
‘Imeanthatthisstuffyou’vegothereisn’tours,Khaled,anditisn’tyours.’
‘Whatdoesthatmean?’
‘Itwasgiventosomethingbiggerthanweare,andyouknowit.’
‘But,youdon’tunderstand,’heinsisted.‘Iwantyoubothinthiswithme.Wecanmakemillions.Butthespiritualindustryisaviciousbusiness.I’llneedyou,aswemoveon.’
‘I’vealreadymovedon,Khaled.’
‘Butwecanfranchise!’Khaledhissed,allteeth.‘Wecanfranchise!’
‘Khaled,Imustleavethecity,’Abdullahsaidsuddenly,urgencyraspinghisvoice.
‘What?’Khaledasked,shakenfromatreeofplans.
‘Iwanttoaskyou,onemoretime,toleavethisplace,andthesepeople,andcomebacktoBombaywithme.’
‘Again,Abdullah?’Khaledsaid.
‘TakeyourrightfulplaceattheheadoftheCouncilthatwasKhaderbhai’s.Weareinatimeoftrouble,anditwillbecomemuchworse.Weneedyoutoleadus.WeneedyoutopushSanjayaside,andleadus.Ifyoucomenow,Sanjaywilllive.Ifyoudon’t,oneofuswillkillhim,andthenyouwillhavetoleadanyway,forthesakeoftheCompany.’
Inthatnewavatar,KhaledwastheoppositeofwhatIconsideredtobealeaderofmen.ButAbdullah,anIranianwho’dtunedhishearttothemusicofBombay’sstreets,didn’tseethemanwhostoodwithusintheatticroom.AbdullahsawtheprestigethatattacheditselftoKhaled’slongandintimatefriendshipwithKhaderbhai,andtheauthoritythatbledfromthemanybattlesandgangwarsKhaledhadpresidedover,andwon,fortheCompany.
IwasdonewiththeSanjayCompany,mymindwasmadeup,butIknewthatNewKhaled’stasteforsubjugationwouldaddfiretoOldKhaled’sunhesitatinguseofpower.
Crimemixedwithanythingisfatal,whichiswhywe’refascinatedbyit.Crimemixedwithreligionredeemssaviourswiththesacrificeofsinners.Ididn’twantKhaledtoacceptAbdullah’soffer.
‘Oncemore,ItellyouthatIcan’taccept,’Khaledsmiled.‘Butwithfriendshipandrespect,Iwantyoutoconsidermyoffer.It’sagoldenopportunitytogetinonthegroundfloor,beforethespiritualindustryreallytakesoff.Wecanmakemillionsfromyogaalone.’
‘YoumustthinkoftheCompany,Khaled,’Abdullahpressed.‘Youmustfollowyourdestiny.’
‘Itwillnothappen,’Khaledresponded,thelittlesmilestillonhislips.‘ButIdoappreciateyourkindness,inconsideringmeagain.Now,beforeyoutakeafinaldecision,Iaskyoutothinkonallmytreasures,andjoinmeatlunch.I’mstarved,Idon’tmindtellingyou.’
‘I’mdone,’Isaid.
‘You’re…what?’
‘Khaled,Iwasalreadydonewhenyoushowedmetheharem.I’mleaving.’
‘Doesthatmeanyouwon’tbetakinganyfood?’Khaledasked,lockingthedoor
‘Itmeansgoodbye,again,Khaled.’
‘But,it’sbadlucknottoeatfoodthathasbeenpreparedforyou!’hewarned.
‘I’llhavetoriskit.’
‘Butit’sKashmirisweets.AKashmirisweetchefisoneofmydevotees.Youhavenoideahowhardtheyaretoget.’
Icrossedtheentryhall,Khaledbustlingbehindme.Tarunjoinedus,trottingathismaster’sside.
‘Oh,well,’hepuffed,walkingwithusontothefrontveranda.
Hegavemeadamp,spongyhug,shookhandswithAbdullah,andwavedaswewalkedthegravelpath.
‘Comebackanytime!’hecalled.‘You’realwayswelcome!Weshowmovies,onWednesdaynights!Weserveice-coldfirni!Andwedance,onThursdays!I’mlearningtodance.Canyoubelieveit?’
Besidehim,Tarunmadenewentriesinhisnotebook.
AtthefirstbendinthepathwefoundKarlawaitingforus.Shewassittingonafallentree,andsmokingacigarette.
‘So,didyoupissonhispilgrimage,Shantaram?’
‘Youcould’vegivenmealittlemorewarning,beforeIsawhim,’Isaid,feelingbeatenbythetruth.‘Whatthehellhappenedtohim?’
‘Hegothappy,moreorless,’sheansweredsoftly.‘Inhiscase,alittlemorethanless.’
‘Areyouhappytoseehimlikethis?’
Theybothstaredatme.
‘Oh,comeon!’
Theycontinuedtostare.
‘Okay,okay,’Iconceded.‘Maybe…maybeIjustwantmyfriendback.Don’tyoumisshim?’
‘Khaledishere,Lin,’Abdullahreplied.
‘But–’
‘Saveyourbreathfortheclimb,’Karlasaid,headingbacktowardthepath.‘Doyougangstersevershutup?’
Weapproachedtheascenttothefirstcaves,andshebegantorunataslowjog.Whenwereachedthesteepclimbshewasstillaheadofus.
Aswestruggledupwards,Icouldn’thelpstaringatthesand-linecurvesofherbody,contouredbytheclimb.
Menaredogs,Didieroncesaidtome,withoutthemanners
‘Areyoustaringatmyass?’sheasked.
‘Afraidso.’
‘Forgivehim,Karla.’Abdullahsaidtocoversomebody’sembarrassment.‘Hesimplystares,becauseyouareclimbinglikeanape.’
Karlalaughed,clutchingatthevinesonthepathtoholdherplace.Thatbig,truelaughrangthroughdomesofbranchesrisenwiththecliff.SheheldherfreehandouttoAbdullah,warninghimnottosayanotherworduntilthelaughterrushedawayfromher.
‘Thankyou,Abdullah,’shesaidatlast.
‘Don’tmention.’
Andlaughing,andjoking,wethreeexilesclimbedthemountainthatwouldchangeeverything,foreachofus,forever.ChapterTwenty-Nine
Whenwereachedthesummittherewasjustenoughtimetofreshenup.Karlachangedintoasky-bluesalwarkameez,andjoinedusforthelastofthelunchthathadbeenserved.Aswefinished,anannouncementwasmadethatIdrisswasonthemountain.Ilookedbacktowardthesteepslope,buteveryoneelseturnedtostareatthecaves.
‘There’sanotherwayupthismountain?’IaskedKarla.
‘There’sanotherwayupeverymountain,’shepurred.‘Everybodyknowsthat.’
‘O…kay.’
WithinsecondsanoldermanIassumedtobeIdrissandayoungerman,bothofthemwearingwhitekurtatopsandloose,sky-bluecalicopants,appearedonapaththatledpastthewomen’scave.Theyoungerman,aforeigner,carriedahuntingrifleslungoverhisshoulder.
‘Who’sthegun?’
‘That’sSilvano,’Karlareplied.
‘What’stheriflefor?’
‘Tofrightentigersaway.’
‘Therearetigers?’
‘Ofcourse.Onthenextmountain.’
Iwantedtoaskhowclosethenextmountainwas,butIdrissspoke.
‘Dearfriends,’hesaid,clearinghisthroat.‘That’squiteaclimb,evenontheeasypath.Iapologiseforbeinglate.Asquabbleofphilosopherssetuponmethismorning.’
Hisdeep,gentlevoicetumbledfromhischestandhummedintotheair.Itseemedtorollaroundusonthemesa.Itwasavoicethatcomforts:avoicethatcouldwakeyousoftlyfromanightmare.
‘Whatwastheirdilemma,master-ji?’astudentasked.
‘Oneofthem,’hereplied,fishingahandkerchieffromthepocketofhiskurtaandwipinghisforehead,‘hadproducedanargumenttoprovethathappinesswasthegreatestofallevils.Theotherscouldn’tdefeathisargument.So,naturally,theybecamedesperatelyunhappy.Theywantedmetorelievethemoftheirdistressbyrefutingtheargument.’
‘Didyoudoit,Idriss?’anotherstudentasked.
‘Ofcourse.Butittookforever.Wouldanyonebutphilosophersfightsohardagainstthepropositionthathappinessisagoodthing?Andthen,whentheirmindswereconvincedthathappinesswasagoodthing,thesuddensurgeofalltheirpent-uphappinesswastoomuchforthem.Theylostcontrol.Hasanyonehereseenhystericalphilosophers?’
Thestudentslookedaroundatoneanother.
‘No?’Idrissprodded.‘Justaswell.Andthere’salesson.Themoreslenderyourgriponreality,themoredangeroustheworldbecomes.Ontheotherhand,themorerationaltheworldyoufindyourselfin,themorecarefullyitmustbequestioned.Butenoughofthat,let’sgetstarted.Gatheraround,andgetcomfortable.’
Thedevoteesandstudentsbroughtstoolsandchairs,rangingtheminasemicirclearoundIdriss,wholoweredhimselfgentlyintoaneasychair.Theyoungmanwiththerifle,Silvano,satalittlebehindIdrissandtohisright.Hesatonahardwoodenstool,hisbackrigidandhiseyespassingbackandforthamongus.Veryoftenhiseyesstoppedonme.
Abdullahleanedintospeaktome.
‘TheItalianwiththerifle,Silvano,iswatchingyou,’hewhispered,withalittleflickofhishead.
‘Thanks.’
‘Don’tmention,’herepliedgravely.
‘Iseethatwehaveanewvisitortoourlittlestudygroup,’Idrisssaid,lookingatme.
Iturnedtoseeifhewasn’tstaringatsomeonebehindme.
‘It’sapleasuretohaveyouwithus,Lin.Khaderbhaispokeofyouquiteoften,andI’mverygladyoucouldcome.’
Everyoneturnedtolookatme.Theysmiledandnodded,welcomingme.Ilookedbackattheholyman,resistingthetemptationtosaythatKhaderbhai,forallthemanyconversationsonphilosophywe’dshared,hadneveroncementionedIdrisstome.
‘Tellus,Lin,’heasked,smilingwidely,‘areyoulookingforenlightenment?’
‘Ididn’tknowanyonelostit,’Ireplied.
Itwasn’texactlyrude,butitwasn’tasrespectfulofthefamousteacher’sdignityasitshould’vebeen.Silvanobristled,clutchingreflexivelyatthebarreloftherifle.
‘Please,Master,’hesaid,hisdeepvoicerifflingspikymalice.‘Allowmetoenlightenhim.’
‘Puttherifledown,Romeo,’Ireplied,‘andwe’llfindoutwhoseesthelightfirst.’
Silvanohadalightlymuscled,athleticframeandmoveditgracefully.Square-jawedandsquare-shouldered,withsoftbrowneyesandanexpressivemouth,helookedmorelikeanItalianfashionmodelormoviestarthanaholyman’sacolyte,orsoitseemedtomethen.
Ididn’tknowwhyhedidn’tlikeme.Maybethecutsandbruisesonmyfacemadehimthinkhehadtoprovesomething.Ididn’tcare:IwassoangryatKhaledandFatethatanyfightwoulddo.
Silvanostood.Istood.Idrisswavedhisrighthandgently.Silvanosat,andIslowlysatdownagain.
‘PleaseforgiveSilvano,’Idrisssaidgently.‘Loyaltyishiswayofloving.Ithinkthesamemightbesaidofyou,isn’titso?’
Loyalty.LisaandIcouldn’tfindawaytobeinlovewitheachother.IwasinlovewithKarla,awomanwhowasmarriedtosomeoneelse.I’dresignedmyheartfromthebrotherhoodoftheSanjayCompany,andhadaconversationaboutmurderingSanjayinthesameday.Loyaltyissomethingyouneedforthingsyoudon’tloveenough.Whenyouloveenough,loyaltyisn’tevenaquestion.
Everyonewasstaringatme.
‘Sorry,Silvano,roughdecade,’Isaid.
‘Good.Verygood,’Idrisssaid.‘Now,Iwant,no,Ineedyoutwoboystobefriends.So,Iwillaskyoutocomehere,bothofyou,infrontofme,andshakehandswithoneanother.Badvibrationswillnothelpusmovetowardenlightenment,willthey,boys?’
Silvano’ssquarejawclenchedonhisreluctance,buthestoodupquicklyandtookasteptostandbeforeIdriss.Hislefthandheldtherifle.Hisrighthandwasfree.
Afoolishimpulsetoresistbeingtoldwhattodoheldmeinplace.Thestudentsbegantomurmur,theirhushedvoicesbuzzingbetweenthem.Idrisslookedatme.Heseemedtobesuppressingasmile.Hisbrowneyesglittered,morebrilliantthanthejewelsinKhaled’sattic.
Silvanosquirmed,angerandhumiliationpressinghislipstogetherhard.Whiteridgesformedaroundhismouth.
Ididn’tcare,inthatemptyinstant.TheItalianhadstartedit,byaskingforpermissiontoenlightenme.Iwashappytoshowhimsomelightsofmyown.AndIwashappytoleavethemountain,thesage,AbdullahandKarla,thatminute.
Karlaslammedanelbowintomyribs.Istood,andshookhandswithSilvano.Hemadeacontestofit.
‘Thankyou,’Idrisssaidatlast,andwereleasedourknuckle-crushinggrip.‘Thatwas…enlightening.Now,takeyourplaces,andlet’sgetstarted.’
Ireturnedtomychair.Abdullahwasshakinghisheadslowly.Karlahissedasinglewordatme.
‘Idiot!’
Itriedtofrown,butcouldn’t,becauseshewasright.
‘Okay,’Idrisssaid,hiseyesglittering.‘Forthebenefitofourvisitor,whatisRuleNumberOne?’
‘RuleNumberOne–therearenogurus!’theentiregroupresponded,quicklyandfirmly.
‘AndRuleNumberTwo?’
‘RuleNumberTwo–youareyourownguru!’
‘AndRuleNumberThree?’
‘RuleNumberThree–neversurrenderthefreedomofyourmind.’
‘AndRuleNumberFour?’
‘RuleNumberFour–informyourmindwitheverything,withoutprejudice!’
‘Okay,okay,’Idrisslaughed.‘That’senough.Personally,Idon’tlikerules.They’relikethemapofaplace,ratherthantheplaceitself.ButIknowsomepeopledolikerules,andneedthem,sothereyouare.Fourmoredamnrules.MaybeRuleNumberFive,ifyougetthere,shouldbeTherearenorules.’
Thegrouplaughedwithhim,settlingmorecomfortablyontheirstoolsandchairs
Idrisswassomethingmorethanseventyyearsold.Althoughhewalkedwiththehelpofalongstaff,histhinbuthealthyframewasflexible.Fromtimetotimehecrossedhislegseffortlesslyontheeasychair,withouttheassistanceofhishands.
Hiscurly,greyhairwascutclosetothescalp,throwingalloftheattentiontohiseloquentbrowneyes,themagnificentswoopofhishookednose,andtheswollencrestandquiverofhisdark,fulllips.
‘IfIrecallcorrectly,Karla,’hebegansoftly,‘ourlastdiscussionwasonthesubjectofobedience.Isthatright?’
‘Itis,master-ji.’
‘Please,Karla,andallofyou.Weareonesearchingmindhere,andoneheartinfriendship.CallmeIdriss,asIalsocallyoubyyournames.Now,tellusyouropiniononthesubject,Karla,finally.’
Karlalookedbackattheteacher,hereyesaforestonfire.
‘Youreallywannaknow,Idriss?’
‘Ofcourse.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes.’
‘Okay.Adoreme.Worshipme.Obeyme.Me,Me,Me,that’sallGodeversays.’
Thestudentsgasped,butIdrisslaughedwithopendelight.
‘Ha!Andnowyousee,myyoungseekersafterwisdom,whyIsohighlyprizeKarla’sopinion!’
Thestudentsmurmuredamongthemselves.
Karlastood,walkedtotheedgeofthemesa,andlitacigarette.Shestaredoutatthesurroundinghillsandvalleys.Iknewwhyshe’dleft.Shewasuncomfortablewithbeingtoldthatshewasright;she’dratherbeconsideredcleverorfunny,evenifshewaswrong.
‘Adorationissubmission,’Idrisssaid.‘Allreligions,likeallkingdoms,requireyoutosubmit,andobey.Ofallthetensofthousandsoffaithsthathaveexistedsincethebeginningofhumantime,onlythosethatcouldenforceobediencehavesurvived.Andwhenobediencedecays,thedevotionthatdependedonitbecomesasremoteastheoncegreatreligionofZeus,Apollo,andVenus,whichforsolongruledalltheworlditknew.’
‘But,Idriss,areyousayingweshouldbeproud,andnotobedient?’ayoungmanasked.
‘No,I’mnot.Ofcoursenot,’Idrissrepliedsoftly.‘Andyou’requiterighttoraisethepoint,Arjun.WhatI’msayinghasnothingtodowithpride.Thereismuchtobegainedbyloweringyourheadandfallingtoyourkneesonceineverywhile.Noneofusshouldeverbesoproudthatwecannotfallonourkneesandadmitthatwedonotknoweverything,andthatwearenotthecentreoftheuniverse,andthattherearethingsforwhichweshouldbejustlyashamed,andalsohappilygrateful.Doyouagree?’
‘Yes,Idriss,’severalstudentsreplied.
‘Andpride,thegoodpridethatweneedtosurviveinabrutalworld,whatisit?GoodpridedoesnotsayIambetterthansomeoneelse,whichiswhatbadpridesays.GoodpridesaysForallmyfaults,Ihaveabornrighttoexist,andIhaveawill,whichistheinstrumentIcanusetoimprovemyself.Infact,itisquiteimpossibletochangeandimproveyourselfwithoutameasureofgoodpride.Doyouagree?’
‘Yes,Idriss.’
‘Good.WhatI’mtellingyouisthis:kneelinhumility,kneelintheknowledgethatweareallconnected,everyoneofus,andeverylivingthing,kneelintheknowledgethatwearealltogetherinthisstruggletounderstandandbelong,butdon’tblindlyobeyanyone,ever.Doyouyoungpeoplehaveanythingtoofferonthispoint?’
Therewasapause,asthestudentslookedatoneanother.
‘Lin.Ournewvisitor,’Idrissaskedmequickly.‘Whatdoyousay?’
Iwasalreadythere,thinkingofprisonguardswho’dbeatenmeninprison.
‘Enoughobediencewillletpeopledojustaboutanythingtootherpeople,’Isaid.
‘Ilikethatanswer,’Idrisssaid.
Praisefromthewiseisthesweetestwine.Ifeltthewarmthofitinside.
‘Obedienceistheassassinofconscience,’Idrisssaidsoftly,‘andthatiswhyeverylastinginstitutiondemandsit.’
‘Butsurelywemustobeysomething?’theParsistudentasked.
‘Obeythelawsoftheland,Zubin,’Idrissreplied,‘exceptwheretheywouldcauseyoutoactinamannerthatisnothonourable.ObeytheGoldenRules.Dountoothers,asyouwouldhavethemdountoyou,anddonotdotoothers,whatyouwouldnothavethemdotoyou.Obeyyourinstincttocreateandloveandlearn.Obeytheuniversallawofconsciousness,thateverythingyouthinkorsayordohasaneffectgreaterthanzero,evenifit’sonlyaneffectonyourself,whichiswhyyoumusttrytominimisethenegativeinwhatyouthinkandsayanddo,andmaximisethepositive.Obeytheinstincttoforgive,andtosharewithothers.Obeyyourfaith.Andobeyyourheart.Yourheartwillneverlietoyou.’
Hepaused,lookingaroundatthestudents,manyofthemwritingnotesonwhathe’dsaid.Hesmiled,thenshookhishead,andbegantocry.
IlookedatAbdullah.Ishecrying?Abdullahnodded,andthenflickedhisheadatthestudents.Severalofthemwerecrying,too.Afterawhile,Idrissspokethoughhistears.
‘Ittooksolong,fourteenbillionyears,forthispartoftheuniversetobringintobeingaconsciousness,righthere,capableofknowingandactuallycalculatingthatittookfourteenthousandmillionyearstomakethecalculation.Wedon’thavetherighttothrowthosefourteenbillionyearsaway.Wedon’thavethemoralrighttowasteordamageorkillthisconsciousness.Andwedon’thavetherighttosurrenderitswill,themostpreciousandbeautifulthingintheuniverse.Wehaveadutytostudy,tolearn,toquestion,tobefairandhonestandpositivecitizens.Andaboveall,wehaveadutytouniteourconsciousness,freely,withanyfreeconsciousness,inthecommoncauseoflove.’
IcametohearthatspeechmanytimesfromIdriss,andinmodifiedformsfromsomeofhisstudents,andIlikedit,inallitsforms.IlikedIdrissthemind:butwhathesaidimmediatelyafterthatspeechmademelikeIdrisstheman.
‘Let’stelljokes,’hesaid.‘I’llgofirst.I’vebeenwantingtotellthisallday.WhydidtheZenBuddhistkeepanemptybottleofmilkinhisrefrigerator?Anyone?No?Giveup?Itwasforguestswhodrinkblacktea!’
Idrissandthestudentslaughed.Abdullahwaslaughingoutloud,happilyandfreely,somethingI’dneverseeninalltheyearsthatIknewhim.Ipaintedthatlaughonawallofmyheart.Andinasmall,simplewayIlovedIdrissforreleasingthathappinessinmysternfriend.
‘Okay,okay,myturn!’Arjunsaidexcitedly,standingtotellhisjoke.
Onebyonetheotherstudentsstoodtotelltheirjokes.Ileft,threadingmywaythroughtherowsofstudentstofindKarla,attheedgeofthemesa.
ShewaswritingnotesfromthelectureIdrisshadgiven,butshewasn’tusinganotepad.Shewaswritingthenotesonherlefthand.
Longsentencesloopedtheirwaybackandforthacrossherhand,upalongthelengthofeachfingertothenail,anddownagaintotheknuckle,andtheninbetweenthefingers,acrossthewebbingandupagain,betweentwomorefingers.
Thewordscontinuedonthepalm-sideofherhand,untilthewholespanofskin,handandfingers,wascoveredwithatattooedwebofwords,likehennadecorationsonthehandsofaBombaybride.
ItwasthesexiestthingI’deverseeninmylife:I’mawriter.Ifoundthestrengthatlasttomovemyeyesandstareoutattheforest,alreadysmotheredbytheheavyswellofcloud.
‘Sothat’swhyyouaskedmetotellyouajoke,’Isaid.
‘It’soneofhisthings,’shereplied,raisinghereyestostareahead.‘Hesaysthattheonesuresignofafanaticisthathehasnosenseofhumour.So,hegetsustolaugh,atleastonceeveryday.’
‘Areyoubuyingit?’
‘He’snotsellinganything,Lin.That’swhyIlikehim.’
‘Okay,whatdoyouthinkofhim?’
‘Doesitmatter,whatIthink?’
‘Everythingaboutyoumatters,Karla.’
Wefacedoneanother.Icouldn’ttellwhatshewasthinking.Iwantedtokissher.
‘You’vebeentalkingtoRanjit,’shesaid,afrownsearchingmyeyes.
Istoppedthinkingaboutkissingher.
‘He’satalkativeguy,yourhusband.’
‘Whatdidhetalkabout?’
‘Whatwouldhetalktomeabout?’
‘Don’tplaygameswithme!’
Shewasspeakingsoftly,butitwasstilllikeatrappedanimal’scry.Shecalmeddown.
‘What,exactly,didhetellyou?’
‘Lemmeguess,’Imurmured.‘YouandRanjitdothistopeopleforkicks,right?’
Shesmiled.
‘RanjitandIdohaveanunderstanding,butnotabouteverything.’
Ismiled.
‘Youknowwhat,’Isaid.‘TohellwithRanjit.’
‘I’dagreewithyou,’shesaid,‘ifIdidn’tthinkImighthavetojoinhimthereoneday.’
Shelookedawayattheclouds,churningoverthedistantcity,andthefirstrainshowerssimmeringandfrothingattheedgesoftheforest.
Iwasconfused,butIwasmostlyconfusedwhenItalkedtoKarla.Ididn’tknowifshewastellingmesomethingintimateaboutherandRanjit,ortalkingaboutus.IfshewastalkingaboutRanjit,Ididn’twanttoknow.
‘Bigstorm,’Isaid.
Shelookedbackatmequickly.
‘Itwasbecauseofme,wasn’tit?’
‘Whatwasbecauseofyou?’
Sheshookherhead,andthenstaredatmeagain,hergreeneyestheonlybrightthingsleftinthegrey-skyworld.
‘WhatRanjittalkedtoyouabout,’shesaid,suddenlydeterminedandclear.‘He’sworriedaboutme,Iknow.Butthefactis,he’stheonewhoneedshelp,notme.He’stheoneindanger.’
Shestaredintomyeyes,tryingtoreadmythoughts.Iwasreadingwhatlookedlikepureandhonestconcernforherhusband.Ithurtmore,somehow,thanConcannon’sclub.
‘Whatdoyouwant,Karla?’
Shefrowned,lethereyesfallfrommine,andthenraisedthemtostareatmeagain.
‘Iwantyoutohelphim,’shesaid,almostasifitwereanadmissionofguilt.‘I’dlikehimtostayalive,forafewmoremonths,andthat’snotasurething.’
‘Afewmonths?’
‘Yearswouldbeacceptable,butafewmonthsareessential.’
‘Essentialforwhat?’
Shelookedatme,tryingoutemotionalresponses,beforerelaxinginasmile.
‘Mypeaceofmind,’shesaid,nottellingmeanything.
‘He’sabigboy,Karla,withabigbankaccount.’
‘I’mserious.’
Istaredbackatherforamoment,andthensmiledmywayintoasoftlaugh.
‘You’resomething,Karla.You’rereallysomething.’
‘Whatdoyoumean?’
‘Allthatstuff,thismorning,askingmeifIcameupherebecauseofyou,justtothrowmeoffthetrack,becauseyoucameupheretoaskmetohelpRanjit.’
‘DoyouthinkI’mlyingtoyou?’
‘TalkingaboutkeepingRanjitaliveforafewmonths,isthesameastalkingabouthimbeingdeadinafewmonths.It’sprettycute,Karla.’
‘YouthinkI’mmanipulatingyou?’
‘Itwouldn’tbethefirsttime.’
‘That’snot–’
‘Itdoesn’tmatter,’Isaid,notsmiling.‘Itneverdid.Iloveyou.’
Shetriedtospeak,butIputmyfingersacrossherlips.
‘I’llaskaround,aboutRanjit.’
Thundersilencedherreply:thunderrumblingintoblasts,shakingtheforesttrees.
‘Igottago,’Isaid,‘ifI’mgonnabeatthatstormbacktothecity.IhavetomakesurethatLisa’sokay.’
Iturnedtoleave,butsheheldmywrist.Itwasthetattooedhand:thehandcoveredwithatraceryofwords.
‘Letmeridewithyou,’shesaid.
Ihesitated.Instinctflinched.
‘Justthat,’shesaid.‘Letmeridebacktotownwithyou.’
‘Okay.Okay.’
Wecollectedourthingsandmadetheroundsofthestudents,sayingourgoodbyes
ThestudentslikedKarla.EveryonelikedKarla,evenwhentheydidn’twanttounderstandher.
Attheedgeofthemesa,IdrissandSilvanocametosaygoodbye.Silvanostillhadtherifleslungoverhisshoulder.
‘Nohardfeelings,Silvano,’Isaid,offeringmyhand.
Hespatontheground.
Nice,Ithought.Okay,riseabove
‘Yourname,Silvano,meansforest.’
‘Andwhatifitdoes?’hedemanded,hisjawjuttingonthewords.
‘Iknowit,’Ismiled,‘becauseanItalianfriendofminechangedhisnamefromSilvano,toForest.ForestMarconi.AndIrememberthinkingthatit’sabeautifulname,inbothlanguages.’
‘What?’Silvanofrowned.
‘I’mjustsaying,Ihaveafriend,whosenameisSilvano,andIlikehimverymuch.I’msorrywegotoffonthewrongfoot.Ihopeyou’llacceptmyapology.’
‘Well,yes,ofcourse,’Silvanoagreedquickly,reachingouttoacceptmyhand
Therewasnocontestinit,andtheyoungItaliansmiledatmeforthefirsttime.
‘YouspeakItalian?’heasked.
‘Icanswear,ifit’srequired.’
Idrisslaughed.
‘Youmustcomeback,Lin!’hedemanded.‘Youmusthearmylittletalkontheanimalnature,andthehumannature.You’llgetakickoutofit.Maybetwokicks!’
Lightningforkedacobra-strikethroughtheblackclouds.Theteacher’sfaceandbodywereilluminatedforaninstantwithblue-silverlight.
‘I’dlikethat,’Ireplied,whentheflashesoflightninghadpassed.‘I’llmakesuretobringmyanimalnaturealong.’
‘You’realwaysmostwelcome.’
Abdullah,KarlaandImadeourwaydowntheslopes,clingingtooneanotherfromtimetotimeonslipperypaths.
Atthegravelparkingarea,Abdullahusedthephone.Waitingforhim,Ilookedaroundatthebroodingsky.
‘Wemightnotmakeitbeforethestorm.Itmighthitusonthehighway.’
‘Withanyluck,’shegrinned.‘Say,thatwasaprettyfastturnaroundbacktherewithSilvano.’
‘He’sokay.Itwasmyfault.I’vegotalotonmymind.’
‘Fuckyou,Lin.Whydoyoudothat?’
‘What?’
‘Alludetothingsonyourmind,butthennevertellanyonewhattheyare.’
‘That’saglasshouseyou’rethrowingstonesat,’Ireplied,butshewasright,again,andIknewit.
Iwantedtotellher.Itwasallupsidedown.LisaandIwerelost.Ranjitwasattractingbombers.IwasleavingtheSanjayCompany.Warshadstartedbetweengangsandwithinthem,andtheonlysafeplaceinthecitywassomewhereelse.
‘Youshouldleavetownforawhile,Karla.Ishould,too.’
‘Notachanceofthatyet,Shantaram,’shelaughed,andwalkedovertothesmallshoptotalkwiththeattendant.
Abdullahreturnedandspokesoftly,hisheadclosetomine.
‘Sanjayhaspaideveryone,’hesaid.‘Therewillbenotrouble.ButitisasIexpected.ImustgonorthtothebrothersinDelhiforatleastaweek.Imustgotonight.’
‘Aweek?’
‘Notadayless,outofthecity.’
‘I’mcomingwithyou.You’vegotenemiesinDelhi.’
‘Ihaveenemieseverywhere,’hesaidsoftly,loweringhiseyes.‘AsIhavefriends.Youcannotcomewithme.YouwillleaveforSriLanka,andcompleteyourmissionthere,whilethismatteroftheshootingatLeopold’sisresolved.’
‘Slowdown,brother.I’mquittingtheSanjayCompany,remember?’
‘ItoldthattoSanjay,and–’
‘Youwhat?’
‘ItoldSanjaythatyouwanttoleave.’
‘Itshould’vebeenmewhotoldhim,’Isaid,quietlyangry.
‘Iknow,Iknow,’hereplied.‘ButIhavetoleaveforDelhi,tonight.Iwillnotbethere,whenyoutellSanjay,andthatwouldbetoodangerouswithoutme.Idecidedtodoitnow,toseeifhisreactionpresentsanydangertoyou.’
‘Didit?’
‘Yes,andno.Hewassurprised,andveryangry,butthenhecalmeddownenoughtosaythatifyoucompletethislastmissionfortheCompany,hewillallowyoutoleave.Whatdoyouthink,Lin?’
‘That’sallhesaid?’
‘Healsosaidthatifyouhadanyfamilyhere,theywouldalreadybedead.’
‘And?’
‘Andthathewillthrowyoutothedogs,veryhappily,whenyourmissioniscompleted.’
‘Isthatit?’
‘Allbutthecursing.Heisafoul-mouthedman,andhewilldiecursing,Inshallah.’
‘Whendotheywantmetoleave?’
‘Tomorrowmorning,’hesighed.‘YoutakethetraintoMadras.Thenyouwillleavebycargoship,forTrincomalee.CompanymenwillbewaitingatVTstationtomorrowmorning,atseven.Theywillhaveallofyourticketsandinstructions.’
SriLanka,cargoship,instructions:Itookadeepbreath,andletitoutslowly
‘SriLanka?’
‘Yougaveyourword,thatyouwoulddoit.’
‘Idid,andIregretit.’
‘Afterthismission,youwillbefree.Itisacleanwayout.Ithinkitiswiseforyoutoagree.IwillnotbeabletoremoveSanjayforsometime,andthisway,youwillbesafe.’
‘Okay.Okay.Okay,Inshallah.Let’sride.’
‘Wait,’hesaid,leaninginclose.‘Inthenextweeksofyourlife,mybrother,youmustwalkandtalkverycarefully.’
‘Youknowme,’Ismiled.
‘Idoknowyou,’hesaidsolemnly.‘AndIknowthedemoninsideyou.’
‘Uh-huh?’
‘Therearedemonsinallofus.Someofthemdonotmeanusanyharm.Theyjustwanttoliveinsideus.Someofthemwantmore.Theywanttoeatthesoulsthatholdthem.’
‘Youknow,Abdullah,I’mnotreallysame-pagewithyouonthedemonthing.’
Helookedatmeforawhile,wind-worriedleavesdriftinginhisambereyes.
‘Hey,it’sokay–’Ibegan,buthecutmeoff.
‘Ihaveheardyousaythattherearenobadorgoodmen.Thatthedeedswedoaregoodandbad,notthepeoplewhodothem.’
‘ItwasKhaderbhaiwhosaidthat,’Ireplied,lookingaway.
‘BecausehehearditfromIdriss,’Abdullahsaidquickly,andIlookedbackathim.‘EverywisethingKhaderbhaisaid,wasfirstsaidbyIdriss.Butinthis,IdonotagreewithIdrissorKhaderbhaioryou.Therearebadmeninthisworld,Shantarambrother.Andintheend,thereisonlyonewaytodealwiththem.’
Hestartedhisbikeandrodeawayslowly,knowingI’dcatchhim.
Karlajoinedme,andIkickedthebiketolife.Shegotupbehindme.Thatperfume:cinnamon,andpureoud.Forasatinsecondherhairwasagainstmyneck.
Theenginerumbled,warming.Sheleanedclose,onearmovermyrightshoulder,andoneundermyleft.Herword-tattoohandwasonmychest.
Iheardthemusic,inside.Home.Homeistheheartyou’reborntolove.
Werodegentlecurvesandslopes,astheshadowofthemountainthatbroughtustogethervanishedintheprayinghandsoftrees.Ihadtobrakehardonthedarkroadtoavoidafallenbranch.Shefellintomesoftlyandheldme.Ididn’tknowwhereherbodyended,andIbegan.Ididn’twanttoknow.
Ipulledawayatspeedtomakethesteepclimboverthenexthill.Shebracedherself,herhandshardonme.Atexactlytherightmomentherpalmsandfingersslidacrossmyribstofindmyheart,andheldmeaswecrestedthelastdomeoftrees.
WhenwereachedthemainroadIswungshakily,love-clumsy,intofastclevertraffic.Aprodigalwindkissedherhairaroundmyneck.Andsheclovetome,herstarfishhandonmychest,aswerodethroughsplashesoflightstreamedfromdesire,dyingonbillboardsalongthestingraytailhighwayhome.ChapterThirty
‘Thatwasalonggoodbye,’Karlasaid,watchingAbdullahrideawayfromthewidespaceinfrontoftheMaheshhotel.
‘Itwasalongride,’Isaid.
‘Yeah,but,Abdullah,emotional.That’snotsomethingyouseeeveryday.’
‘WhatcanItellyou,Karla?’
‘Whatyoucantellmeiswhatyou’renottellingme.’
Khaled’smoneywillbuymanyguns,Abdullahhadwhisperedtomeingoodbye.Itwasn’tespeciallyemotional.
‘It’scomplicated,’Isaid.
‘Stillnottellingme.’
Shewasstillsittingbehindmeonthebike.InonehandsheheldthebagthatAbdullahhadcarriedforheronhisbike.Theotherhandwasonmyhip.Foronce,Iwasgladtobeontheotherhand.
‘Youknow,’Isaidhappily,‘Ilikethis.’
‘Stillnottellingme.’
‘ButIreallydolikethis.’
‘What?’
‘Sittinghere,onthebike,andhavingaconversationwithyoulikethis.’
‘We’renothavingaconversation.’
‘Technically,Ithinkweare.’
‘Nottellingmesomethingdoesn’tqualifyasanykindofconversation,technicallyorotherwise.’
‘Maybeit’sareverseconversation.’
‘There’saforwardstep.’
Therewasalittlepause.Thespacearounduswasclearandfree.Thestormhadpassed,andfreshmonsoonwindscooledthecoastbehindus.
‘Youknow,itreallyisdamnnice,talkingtoyoulikethis,Igottasay.’
‘Sinceyougottasayit,doesthebikehavetobeapartoftheconversation?’
Iturnedthebikeoff.
‘So,whatisitaboutthisyoulikesomuch?’sheasked.‘Thatwe’resittingsoclose,orthatIcan’tseeyourface?’
‘It’sbecauseIcan’tseeyourface.And…becausewe’resittingsoclose.’
‘Ithoughtso.Hey,waitaminute.Myfaceistheproblem?’
‘Youreyes,actually,’Isaid,watchingpeople,carsandhorse-drawncarriagespassingbackandforthinfrontofthehotel.
‘Myeyes,huh?’
Ifelthervoiceeverywherethatherbodytouchedmine.
‘IfIcan’tseeyoureyes,it’slikewe’replayingchess,andyoujustlostyourqueen.’
‘Isthatso?’
‘Ohyeah.’
‘AndI’mpowerlessanddefenceless?’
‘Notdefenceless.Butthere’sdefinitelysomelessnesshere.’
‘Lessness?’
‘Theoppositeofmoreness.’
‘Andthatturnsyouon?’
‘Kinda.’
‘Becauseyoulikelessnessinawoman?’
‘Ofcoursenot.It’sbecauselookingatyouislikewe’replayingchess,andI’vegotonequeen,andyou’vegotfourqueens,eightqueens,sixteenqueens–’
‘I’vegotsixteenqueensinthegame?’
‘Ohyeah.Allgreen.Sixteengreenqueens.AndIcan’tseeanyofthemrightnow,inthisbike-talk.AndIloveit.It’sliberating.’
Therewasapause.Itdidn’tlastlong.
‘Thisisthequalityofyourmotorcycleconversation?’
‘It’sjustafact.Arecentlydiscoveredfact,infact.Fornow,sittingherelikethis,allyourqueensarelockedinabox,Karla,andI’mlovingit.’
‘You’remessedup,youknowthat?’
‘Ohyeah.’
‘Myeyesarenothing,’shesaidafterawhile,somepuzzleinhervoice.
‘Well,youreyes,andtheheartbehindthem,areeverythingtome.’
Shethoughtaboutit,maybe.
‘No,mywilliseverything.’
Sherepeatedthelastword,asifpushingitfromherbody.
‘Everything.’
‘I’mwithyouandIdrissonwill,butit’sthedirectionittakesthatinterestsme.’
Sherestedherforearmsonmyback.
‘Whenyouwereinprison,’sheaskedslowly,‘didyoueverloseyourwill?’
‘Doesgettingchainedtoawallandkickedunconsciouscount?’
‘Maybe.Butwhenithappened,didyoueverloseyourwill?Didtheyevertakeyourwillfromyou?’
Ithoughtaboutitforawhile.Onceagain,Iwasn’tsurewhereshewasleadingtheconversation,orwhetherI’dlikeitwhenwegotthere.Butherbigquestionhadasmallanswer.
‘Yeah.Youcouldsaythat.Forawhile.’
‘Ihadmywilltakenfromme,too,’shesaid.‘I’dratherkill,thanletthathappenagain.Ikilledthemanwhodidittostopitfromhappeningtosomeotherme,somewhereelse.I’llneverletanyonetakemywillagain.’
Therebelyell:you’llnevertakemealive.
‘Iloveyou,Karla.’
Shewassilent,evenherbreathingsoundless.
‘Didthatfreakyouout?’Iaskedafterawhile,staringaheadatthemovingstreet.
‘Ofcoursenot.Honestyismyonlyaddiction.’
Shemovedawayfromme,restingonherhands,andwassilentagain.
‘Thisbike-talkisfun,’Isaidafterawhile.‘Yougottaadmit.’
‘Thentryholdingupyourendoftheconversation.It’stumbleweedsbackhere,Shantaram.’
‘Okay.Heregoes.YoutalkedaboutRanjit,onthemountain.Ididn’tsaymuchthen,butnowthatwe’rebike-talking,Ihaveaquestion.Whydoesn’tRanjit,whomustkeeplivingforafewmonths,justsellupandtakeyoualongwayfromanywhere?’
‘Hetoldyouaboutthebomb,didn’the?’
‘Whatdidhetellyou?’
‘Hesaidyoutoldhimtofirethechauffeur.Youwereright,bytheway.Theguywascrooked.’
‘Ranjitwenttoalotoftrouble,askingmenottotellyou,andthenhewenthomeandtoldyouallaboutit.’
‘He’sapolitician.Politicsisn’tlying.It’stheartofknowingwho’slying.’
‘Thatstilldoesn’tanswerthequestion.Whydoesn’thetakethemoneyandrun?He’sarichman.’
Shelaughed,surprisingme,becauseIcouldn’treadherface,andbecauseIdidn’tthinkanypartofitwasfunny.
‘Youcan’trunawayfromthegame,Lin,’shesaid.
‘Ilikethisconversation.Whatarewetalkingabout?’
‘Whereveryoufindit,’shesaid,leaninginclose,herbreathonmyneck.‘Whateveritlookslike,whenyoufindthegamethathooksyou,there’snowhereelseyoucanbe.AmIright?’
‘ArewetalkingaboutRanjit,orKarla?’
‘We’rebothplayers.’
‘Idon’tlikegames.Youknowthat.’
‘Somegamesmightbeworththeplay.’
‘LikebeingkingofBombay,forinstance?’
Ifeltthetensionmovethroughherasshepushedawayagain.
‘Howdoyouknowthat?’
‘He’sambitious,’Isaid.‘Itshows.Hehasenemies.’
Shewassilentforawhile,andIhadnocluetoherthoughts.Bike-talkinghaditsdrawbacks.
‘Ranjit’sanimitationgoodguy,’shesaid,‘inacastofgenuinebadguys.’
‘Animitationgoodguy?They’reusuallytheoneswhogivegenuinebadguysabadname.’
‘Badguysdoaprettygoodjobofthatontheirown,’shereplied,laughingalittle.
‘Whyplaygames,Karla?Getoutofthis,now.’
‘Igame,becauseI’mgoodatit.Igamegood.’
‘Walkaway.IfRanjit’ssodeterminedtobepolitical,you’vegottabetheonetowalkaway.’
‘IsthisaboutRanjitandme,oraboutyouandme?’
‘Thisisaboutyou.Ifweweren’tdoingbike-talk,Iprobablywouldn’tbeabletosayitatall.Nottoyoureyes.Idon’tlikewhat’sgoingon.Idon’tthinkRanjithasanyrighttoputyouatrisk.Noambition’sworththat.’
‘I’llbuyabike,’shesaid,leaningcloseagain,andsmilingonmyback.‘You’llteachmetoride.’
‘Imeanit,Karla.He’srattlingtheunfriendlycage.Soonerorlater,whatever’sinsidethecageisgonnagetout.’
‘Whyarewetalkingaboutthis?’
‘It’slikethis.Ranjitcandopolitics,andI’llaskfriendstowatchoutforhim,butyoudon’thavetobeRanjit’swifehere.YoucanbeRanjit’swifealongwayawayfromhere.InLondon,forexample.’
‘London?’
‘AlotofIndianwivesescapetoLondon.’
‘ButI’maBombaygirl,yaar.WhatwouldIdoinLondon?’
‘You’realsoAmerican,andSwiss,andalotofotherniceplaces.YoucouldsetupahouseinLondonforRanjit,withRanjit’smoney,andhopeherarelyvisitsit.Makeitcool.Bombaycool.Butmakeitsoyoucanwalkaway,andneverlookback.’
‘AndI’mstillasking,whatwouldIdothere?’
‘You’dkeepalowprofile.Andyou’duseanyextramoneytomakemoneyforyourself,untilyoudon’tneedanyoneelse’sextramoneyanymore.’
‘Uh-huh?’
‘Yeah.Therealreasonwhysomanypeoplewanttoberichisbecausetheywanttobefree.Freedommeansthatyoudon’tneedanyoneelse’smoney.’
‘Howdoesthatworkagain?’sheasked,laughing.
‘Maybeyoushaveyourlifestyle,savesomemoney,andputadownpaymentonahouseforyourself.You’resmart.Innotime,you’llturnonehouseintofive.’
‘Mylifestyle?’
‘WhatdoIknow?ButwhateveryoudoinLondonoranywherewouldbesaferthanwhatyou’redoinghere,withRanjit.Someone’sgonnahithim,andhithimhard,becausehewon’tshutup,andhispoliticalambitionsaremakingpeoplenervous.Hell,Iwanttohithim,andIhardlyevenknowhim.’
‘Hismouthiswhatputhiminthegame.That’shistablestake.Ifhewinsthisfight,hisfacewillbeonthepoliticalposterofhischoice.He’llgetelected,too.I’msureofit.Andanyway,whythehellshouldheshutup,whenhe’sright?’
‘It’snotsafeforyou,that’swhy.’
‘Letmetellyoualittlesomethingaboutsafety,’shemurmured,herfaceagainstthepillowofmyback.‘Safetyisacave,anicewarmcave,butthelightiswheretheadventureis.’
‘Karla,’Isaid,carefulnottomove,‘you’vegotnoideahowcoolthisis,listeningtoyou,butnotseeingyou.’
‘You’resuchanass,’shesaid,notmoving.
‘No,really,it’sjustgreat.AndIwaslistening.Iheardeveryword.Look,inmyview,butwhoamI,therightwomanisabigenoughdream.Ifaguywantsawholecity,there’ssomethingwrongwithhim.’
‘Lesswrongthanyou,ormorewrongthanyou,onascaleofyou?’shelaughed.
‘Youcan’tgobackhome,’Isaidfirmly,myhandstightonthehandlebars,‘becauseyoudon’tknowwhat’swaitingforyou.Andyoucan’tstayhere,becauseyoudoknowwhat’swaitingforyou.’
Iwasgladshecouldn’tseemyface,andgladshedidn’tpullaway.
‘Look,you’reprobablyonamost-wantedlist,Karla.AndI’mdefinitelymost-wanted.We’rewhoweare,andwhowearehasnoplaceinlivesofpublicambition.It’sbadforthem,andit’salotworseforusifitfallsdown,andthey’relookingforsomeonetoblameforit.’
‘I’mokay,’shemurmured.‘IknowexactlywhatI’mdoing.’
‘Idon’twanttothinkofsomethinghappeningtoyou,Karla.Ranjit’smakingmethinkofit.Alot.Idon’tlikehimforit.Onewayoranother,thisguyputshimselfoneverybody’shurtlist.Havemercy.SendmeapostcardfromLondon,andgivemesomepeaceofmind.’
‘Mercy,’shesaidsoftly.‘Myfavouriteinessentialvirtue.Ithinkyou’vedonethismotorcycletalkbefore.’
‘Iwasrightaboutthis,wasn’tI?It’sdamncool.’
‘It’sokay,’shemurmured.‘Isitmyturnnow?’
‘Yourturn?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Formotorcycletalk?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Sure,talkaway,’Isaidconfidently,notcarefulwhatIwishedfor.
Shenestledintighter,herlipsclose.
‘Areyouready?’
‘Readyforwhat?’
‘Youdon’tneedcoffee,orajoint?’
‘I’mgood.I’msogood.’
‘Okay,’shesaid.‘Gimmeadramaticpause.’
‘But–’
‘Shutup!You’redramaticpausing.’
Therewasadramaticpause.
‘That…truly…fucking…transcendentridehome,’shesaidatlast,murmuringthewordsontomyskin,‘wasaripthroughspaceandtime,baby.Whenyoucrasheddowntwogearsandgunnedit,passingbetweenthepassengerbusandthewatertanker,mysoulleftmybody.Whenweslidtheclosinggapandroaredthrough,avoiceinmyheadsaidOhyeah…Ohyeah…OhGod…OhGod…allthewayhome.’
Shestopped,andstoppedmyheart.
‘HowamIdoin’here,Shantaram,withoutallofmyqueens?’
Fine.Shewasdoingfine.IturnedinthesaddleuntilIcouldseeacornerofherface.
‘Ithoughtyoudidn’tbelieveinGod,Karla,’Ismiled.
‘WhoarewetobelieveinGod?’shesaid,herlipsonlylashesfrommyface.‘ItshouldbeenoughforanyonethatGodbelievesinus.’
Wecould’vekissed.Weshould’vekissed.
‘I’mthinkingthatIhavetotalktoLisa,’Isaid,wordscuttingmyownthroat.‘AreyouthinkingthatyouhavetotalktoRanjit?’
Shedrewawayslowly,untilshadowstookherface.Iturnedtothefrontagain.Shedidn’tsayanything,soIspoke.
‘Ihavetotalktoher.’
‘Well,youcandothathere,’shesaidquietly.
‘Whatdoyoumean?’
‘Lisa’shere,atthehotel.GeminiandScorpioarethrowingaparty,inthepenthousesuite.They’vetakenthewholefloor,infact.Tonight’stheofficialhousewarming.Everyoneintownisupthere.That’swhythelimosareprowling.That’swhyIaskedyoutodropmehere.’
‘But…whydidn’tyoumentionthisbefore?’
‘Whydidn’tyouknow?’
Itwasagoodquestion.Icouldn’tanswerit.
‘Areyougoing?’Iaskedher,stillstaringahead.
‘Iwasgoingtoaskyoutobemydoordate.’
‘Ranjitisn’there?’
‘Ranjitisotherwisedetained,thisevening.AmonthlymeetingwiththeCityCouncil.Didieragreeddaysagotowalkmeout,andhaveadrinkwithmeathome.ButI’dlikeyoutowalkmein.Areyouupforit?’
IwantedtoseeLisa,andknowthatshewassafe.IwantedtoseeDidierforareportaboutthefalloutfromtheshootingatLeopold’s.Goodreasonstogo.ButIwasafraidofspendingmoretimewithKarla.Ihadn’tseenherfortwoyears,butshe’dbeenasclosetomeontheridehometotheIslandCityaswingsonmyback.AnditwasKarla,sotherewasn’taneasywaytoanything.Shewantedtokeepherhusbandaliveforatleastafewmonthsmore:itwascold-blooded,butIdidn’tcare.She’dbeenhurt,andshehurtback,butIknewtherewasnothingbadinher,justasIknewthatshewouldn’tharmRanjitoranyoneelsewithoutreason.Shewastoostrongfortheworldsheknew,andIlovedthatabouther,andIthoughtthatifIlookedatheragain,Iwouldn’thavethecouragetoleaveherside.
‘I’dbehonouredtoescortyoutotheparty,Karla,’Isaid,staringstraightahead.
‘I’dbehonouredtoaccompanyyou,Shantaram.Let’sgetmoving.Iwannaseeifyoudancelikeyouride,orridelikeyoudance.’ChapterThirty-One
Iparkedthebikeundertheshelterattheentrancetothehotel,andwhenIturnedtolookatherallsixteenqueensstaredbackatme.Ifroze.
‘Areyouokay?’
‘Sure,why?’
‘Youlooklikesomebodystoodonyourfoot,’shesaid.
‘No,I’mfine.’
‘Sure?’
‘Yeah,’Isaid,glancingawayfromcheckmate.‘I’mgood.’
‘Okay,let’sgototheparty.There’llbeplentyofpeopletostandonourfeetthere.’
Wecrossedthelobby,foundaluckyelevator,andpressedforthepenthouse.
‘Everytimeanelevatordoorclosesonme,’shesaid,astheelevatordoorsclosed,‘Iwantadrink.’
Thedoorsopenedonadrinkingparty,alreadybumpyhappy.Guestshadspilledfromcrowdedsuitesintothecorridor,wheretheysatingroupsorstumbledbackandforth,laughingandshouting.
WemadeourwayinsideandfoundGeminiGeorge,dancingwithDidiertomusicjustloudenoughtoruinashout.Didierhadatablecoveroverhisheadandwasholdingtheedgeinhisteeth,asawomanmightwithhershawl.
‘Lin!Karla!Rescueme!IamwatchinganEnglishmandance.Iaminpain.’
‘Frenchgit,’Geminicalledback,laughinghappily.
Hewashaving,quiteliterally,thetimeofhislife.
‘Come,Lin!Karla!Dancewithme!’Didiershouted.
‘I’mlookingforLisa!’Icalledback.‘Haveyouseenher?’
‘Not…recently,’Didierreplied,frowningquestionsofhisownatme,thenatKarla,thenatmeagain.‘Thatistosay…not…recently.’
Karlaleanedinclosetokisshimonthecheek.Ikissedhimontheothercheek.
‘Hey!I’mhavin’someofthat!’Geminishouted,offeringhischeektoKarla,whoobligedwithakiss.
‘I’msogladtoseeyouboth!’Didiershouted.
‘Likewise!Gotaminute,Didier?’
‘Certainly.’
IleftKarlawithGemini,andfollowedDidierbackintothehallway.Wecrossedthecorridorstreamonpatchesofbarecarpet,steppingoverflowinggroupsofpeoplesmoking,drinking,andlaughingouttheirotherselves.
Didieropenedthedoortooneoftheadjoiningsuiteswithakeyandledmeinside.
‘Someofthesepartypeopleknownoboundaries,’hesaid,lockingthedoorbehindhim.
Themainroomwaswellappointed,butuntouched.Therewasatrayonthewritingdesk:brandyandtwoglasses.Didiergesturedwiththebrandybottle.
‘No,thanks.ButI’llsmokeajointwithyou,ifyou’vegotone.’
‘Lin!’hegasped.‘WhenhaveyoueverknownDidiernottohaveone?’
Hepouredhimselfathumbofbrandy,selectedaslenderjointfromapolishedbrasscigarettecase,litit,andpassedittome.AsIsmoked,heraisedhisglassinatoast.
‘Tobattleslived,’hesaid,drinkingasip.
‘How’sLisa?’
‘Sheisverywell.Sheishappy,Ithink.’
‘Whereisshenow?’
‘Shestayedwithme,untiljustafewhoursago,’hereplied,drinkingthemeasureofbrandy.‘Shesaidshewasreturningtoyourapartment.’
‘Howbadwasit,afterAbdullahandIleft?’
‘Well,Iwouldn’tgobacktoLeopold’sforawhile,evenwithmyinfluence.’
MythoughtswentbacktothefightatLeopold’s,ConcannoncrackingtheleadsapintothefallenSikhheadwaiter.
‘Dhirendratookabeating.He’sagoodman.Howishe?’
‘Herecuperates.Leopold’sisnotthesamewithouthim,butwemustgoon.’
‘Anyoneelsegethurt?’
‘Afew,’hesighed.
‘Whataboutthecops?’
‘LightningDiliproundedupallthewitnesseswhohadanymoney,myselfincluded,andfinedusall.’
‘Whataboutthestreet?’
‘FromwhatIknow,nobody’stalkingaboutthis.Itdied,inthenewspapers,afterthefirstday.Ithink…KarlausedherinfluencewithRanjittokillthestory,astheysay.AndthosewhoarenotscaredoftheSanjayCompanyarescaredoftheScorpions.Itisquietnow,butitcostSanjayalotofmoney,Iamsure.Alotofpeoplehadtopissonthisfire.’
‘I’msorryyougotdraggedintothis,Didier.AndinLeopold’s,ofallplaces.It’ssacredground.’
‘Didierisneverdragged,’hesniffed,‘evenwhenheisunconscious.Hefreelymarches,orheistransported.’
‘Still…’
‘AnAmericanfriendofminehasasaying,foroccasionslikethis.It’samess,butwedidn’tmakeit.Yes,it’samess,butConcannonmadeithappen.Thequestionis,whatarewegoingtodoaboutit?’
‘Gotanyideas?’
‘Myfirstimpulseisthatweshouldkillhim.’
‘Iloveyou,Didier.’
‘Iloveyou,too,Lin.Sowewillkillhim,yes?’
‘No,thatwasano.I’mtravellingtomorrow.I’llbeawayforaweek,maybeadayortwomore,andwe’llworkthisoutsomehow,whenIgetback.We’llhavetofindawaywithoutkillinganybody,Didier.’
‘Assolutionsgo,’hemused,‘killingisawinninghand.Anythingless,atthispoint,isonlybluff.’
‘Concannon’saman.Theremustbeawaytoreachhim.’
‘Throughhischest,’Didierobserved.‘Withanaxe.ButIsupposeyou’reright.Weshouldbeaiminghigher.Thehead,perhaps?’
‘I’vespokentohim,I’velistenedtohim.ImetadozenConcannonswithadozendifferentfacesinprison.I’mnotsayingIlikehim.I’msayingthatifhewasbornintoadifferentlife,Concannoncouldbeanamazingman.Inhisownway,healreadyisanamazingman.Theremustbeawaytoreachhim,andstopallofthis.’
‘MenlikeConcannondon’tchange,Lin,’hesaid,lettingoutagustofsighs.‘Andtheproofisverysimple.Didyouchange,whenyouwenttoprison?Didyouchange,whenyoujoinedtheCompany?Inyourtrueself,deepinsideyourself,didyouchange?Areyounotthemanyoualwayswere?’
‘Didier–’
‘Youare.Youdidnotchange.Youcouldnotchange,andneitherdotheConcannonsofthisworld.Theyareborntoharmanddestroy,Lin,untiltimeortemperstopsthem.Andnowthatthisonewantstoharmanddestroyus,thekindestthingwecandoistokillhim,takethekarmicburdenonourselves,andhopethatthegoodwecause,bysavingtheworldallthefutureharmthismanwilldo,ifhelives,isenoughtosaveoursoulsforabetterincarnation.AlthoughIcannotthinkofabetterincarnationthantheoneyouseebeforeyou,soIwouldonlyaskthatDidiermaycomebackasDidieris,anddoitallagain.’
‘Justdon’tdoanythinguntilIgetback,okay?We’lltalkfirst,thenwe’lldowhateverelsewehavetodo,okay?Inthemeantime,watchLisaforme,whileI’maway.WhenIseeher,I’lltrytotalkherintogoingtoGoaforawhile,butwebothknowLisa.’
‘Notachance,’heshrugged.
‘Iknow–’
‘She’sacleverfox,myfriend,’hesaid.‘Andsheknowswhatshewants,andhowtogetit.’
‘Lookafterherforme,untilIgetback.AskNaveentogiveyouwhatevertimehecansparefromDivya,ifyouneedextraeyes.I’llspeaktohim,ifIcanfindhim.’
‘Ineednohelp,ofcourse,butIhavecometolikeNaveen,’Didiersaidthoughtfully.
‘Ilikehim,too.Youmakeagoodteam,thetwoofyou.Speakingofteams,I’dliketojoinyou,Didier,whenIgetback,ifyoustillwantme.’
‘Lin…youmean…toworktogether?’
‘We’lltalkaboutitwhenIgetback.’
‘But,you’releavingtheSanjayCompany?’
‘Iam.Idid.’
‘Youdid?Sanjayletyougo?’
‘Afterthisjob,IhaveSanjay’sblessing.Actually,Ithinkhe’sgladtoseemeleave.’
‘Youarenotafraidtodisagreewithhim.Thereareonlytwokindsofleaders,thosewhowelcomethetruth,andthosewhodespiseit.Sanjayisadespiser,Iamafraid.’
‘Thatheis,’Ismiled.
‘Iamveryhappytohearyouareleavinghim.Areyouhappy?’
‘Iam.JustkeepaneyeonLisa.’
‘Iwill,Iwill,andwithpleasure.’
‘Shallweheadbacktotheothers?’
‘Yes!Thisiswonderfulnews,Lin,anditcallsforcelebration.But…’
‘Butwhat?’
‘YouandKarla.’
‘What,meandKarla?There’snomeandKarla.’
‘Lin,thisisDidier.NofleetingsuspicionofloveishiddenfromDidier.Isawyoutogether.Iknoweverything.’
‘ForgetKarla.’
‘Ican,ifyoucan,’hesaid,ahalf-worriedsmileconfusinghisface.‘Whateveryoudo,Iamwithyou.’
‘Thanks,brother,’Isaid,sharingahugthatpressedhiscurlyhairintomyface.
WemadeourwaybacktoKarlaandGemini.KarlalookedfromDidiertome,andthenbackagain,smilingjustenoughcondescensiontoputabiteinheraffection.
Twoyoungforeigngirls,carryingdrinksineachhand,dancedtheirwayuptoDidierandGemini,whotookthedrinks,stilldancing.
‘Areyouwithsomeone?’oneofthegirlsaskedGemini.
‘I’mwithmyself,’Geminireplied.‘Idon’tknowifthatqualifies.I’mGemini.What’syournamethen?’
‘Hey!’thegirlshoutedback.‘I’maGemini,too.’
‘That’sgreat,you’llgetthis–whatdidoneGeminisaytotheother?’
‘What?’
‘Nothing.TheotherGeminialreadyleft.’
Theylaughed,spillingwineandbumpingtogether.
KarlaandImadeourwaythroughparty-swaytoshoutatfriendsaswewereshoutedunto,untilwefoundthedesertedbar.
‘Nicebar,’Karlasaid,greetingthebartender.‘Free,well-stockedandempty.’
‘Welcome,’thebarmansaid.
‘I’dshootthreemenforaglassofchampagne,’Karlasaid,wavinganelegantwrist.
‘Certainly,ma’am,’thebartenderreplied.‘Andforsir?’
‘Plainsoda,noice,’Isaid.‘How’sitbeen,tonight?’
‘Attheendoftheroad,thereareonlytwoquestions,’thebartendersaid,inscrutably,preparingthedrinks.‘WhatdidIdo?andWhatdidImiss?’
‘Unless,’Ioffered,‘thelastquestionis,Whothehellturnedoffmylifesupport?’
‘Lifeisshort,’thetallyoungbartendersaid,easingthecorkfromthebottlewithafist.‘Butmadeoflongnights.’
‘That’swhyit’ssolonelyatthetop,’Karlaputin.
‘It’slonelyatthetop,’herepliedquickly,fillingKarla’sglass,‘becauseit’ssocrowdedatthebottom.’
‘What’syourname?’Karlaasked,laughing.
‘Randall,ma’am.’
‘Randall,’shesaid,acceptingtheglass,‘ThisisLin,I’mKarla,andIcouldn’tagreewithyoumore.Where’syourfamilyplace?’
‘MyparentsarefromGoa,’hesaid,handingmethesoda.‘ButI’mfromhere.’
‘We’refromheretoo,foraslongasherelasts,’Isaid.‘What’swiththeone-liners,Randall?’
‘It’snotthatinterestingastory,’hereplied.
‘Whydon’tyouletusjudgethat,Randall?’Karlasuggested.
‘Well,atfirst,Iusedtotalk,’hesaid,washingaglass.‘Iusedtoaskquestions.Areyouhereonabusinesstrip?Doyouhaveanykids?Whydoyouthinkyourwifedoesn’tunderstandyou?But,afterawhile,Istartedbreakingmypartoftheconversationdownintolittlepiecesofthetruth.Barmennevergetmorethanalineortwo.It’sanarrativerule,I’mafraid.AmIboringyoufolks?’
‘No,’wesaidtogether.
‘So,Idon’tconverseanymore.I’mmakingthisexception,tonight,becausemyshifthasended,andbecauseIlikeyou.Ilikedbothofyou,fromthemomentyouwalkedin.AndwhenIlikesomething,I’mneverwrongaboutit.’
‘Nicetalenttohaveupyoursleeve,’Karlasmiled.‘Goon,abouttheone-liners.’
‘Mostofthetime,Iprunetheconversationtree.It’sallbonsai.It’sallpunchlinesnow.Andit’sbetterthatway,inlittlepiecesofthetruth.It’slikeacode,thetruth.Whenpeoplehearit,thedoorsunlock.’
‘Randall,’Karlasaid,hereyesgleamingcolouredglass,‘ifyoustopconversing,I’llneverdarkenthisjointagain.Arefill,ifyouplease.’
Hepouredtwofreshglassesofchampagne,andanotherlongsoda.
‘Myreplacementhasn’tarrived,butmyshiftwasofficiallyoverhalfanhourago,soI’dliketojoinyoufolksinatoast,’hesaid,offeringKarlathechampagneandthesodatome.‘Maywordsneverfailyou.’
‘Can’tdrinktothat,becausewordsneverfail,’shesaidquickly.‘ThisisthefirsttoastthatShantaramandIhavesharedintwoyears,Randall,andIthinkthisisafatedmeeting.Let’smakethistoasttothethreeofus.’
Imovedtoclinkglasseswiththem,butsheswervedawayfromme.
‘No!It’sbadlucktotoastwithwater,’shesaid.
‘Oh,comeon.’
‘I’mserious.’
‘You’rekidding,right?’
‘Justbecauseyoudon’tbelieveit,that’snoreasontomesswithit,Lin.Doyouneedanymorebadluck?’
‘You’vegotmethere.’
‘Ialwaysgetyouthere.’
AnewcomertothebarbumpedKarlaintome,andourglassesclashedtogetheranyway.
‘Lookslikewe’vedonethattoastafterall,’Isaid.
Shestaredatmefromahardfrownforamoment,butthenshesmiledagain.
‘Okay,’shesaid.‘Makeanothertoast,withoutdrinkingwateryourself.Thatshouldkeepussafe.’
‘Togreeneyes–maytheyalwaysbeprotected.’
‘I’llcertainlydrinktothat,’Randallsaid,sippingchampagne.
‘Togreenqueens,’shesaid,smilinglightatme.
Sheraisedherglass,tookasmallsip,andstaredbackatme.Itwasthemomenttobreakthrough,andwebothknewit.Itwasperfect.
‘Lin!’Vinsonsaid,bouncingagainstmeandslappinghislong,strongfingersontomyback,Rannveigathisside.‘Goodtoseeyou,man!’
IwasstilllookingatKarla.Shewaslookingatme.
‘Vinson,’Isaid,thevoiceinmyearssoundinglikesomethinghard,breaking.‘Idon’tthinkyou’vemet.ThisisKarla.Karla,thisisStuartVinson.AndthisisRannveig,likethethingattheairport.’
‘Say,Karla!’Vinsonshouted.‘I’mdamngladtofinallymeetyou.’
‘Itwon’tdoanygood,’Karlareplied,playingitstraight.
‘It…itwon’t?’Vinsonsmiled,alreadyconfused.
‘No.Anythingyouheardisoutofdate.’
‘Outof…what?’
‘Ireinventedmyself.’
Vinsonlaughed.
‘Oh.Wow.Like,whendidthishappen?’
‘It’shappeningnow,’Karlasaid,holdinghisgaze.‘Trytokeepup.’
Myheartstumbledlikeadrunkdancing.God,Ilovedher.Therewasno-onelikeher.
Thensheturnedtothegirl,Rannveig,andaskedherifshewasokay.Ilookedatthegirl.Shewasn’tokay.
‘She’sfine!’Vinsonsaid,clappinganarmaroundher.
Rannveig’sfacewasdrawnandpale.
‘Itoldher,’Vinsoncontinued,‘Isaid,hey,you’vebeenthroughalot.Timetogetoutandseepeople,haveafewlaughs,youknow?Thebestmedicine,theysay.’
Hehuggedhertohim,shakingher.Herarmsflappedathersides.
‘Howyoudoing,kid?’Iasked.
Shelookedupquickly,ice-chipsglitteringinherblueeyes.
‘I’mnotakid!’shesnapped.
‘O…kay.’
‘Don’ttakeitpersonally,’Karlasaid.‘He’sawriter.Hethinkshe’solderthanhisgrandfather.’
‘That’sprettyfunny,’Vinsonlaughed.
‘Andasforyou,’Karlasaid.‘Letthatgirloutofyourarmpit,rightnow.’
Surprised,VinsonallowedKarlatopeelRannveigawayfromhim.
‘Randall,’Karlasaid,‘Iknowyou’reoffduty,butthisinanemergency.Iwantyourcleanestglassesandyourdirtiestjokes,andmakeitsnappy.’
‘Yourcommandismywish,ma’am,’Randallsaid,glasseslikeeelsswimminginhishands.
‘How’boutthat?’Vinsonmumbled.‘Shestolemygirl.’
‘She’syourgirlnow?’
‘Oh,man,’hesaid,turningabig,open-mouthedsmileonme.‘Itoldyou,didn’tI,backthereatthestationhouse?Itoldyoushewastheone.I’mcrazyabouther.She’sreallysomething,isn’tshe?MyheartbeatsfastereverytimeIlookather.’
‘She’sbeeninaplanecrash,’Isaid.
‘Aplane?But…what?’
‘YouknowwhatImean.Shewokeupafewdaysagowithadeadboyfriendinthebed.That’sabigfiretoputout.Goeasy,man.’
‘Oh,sure,sure.Imean,like–hey,waitaminute!Youdon’tthinkI’mtakingadvantageofhersituation,doyou?I’m…I’mnotthatkindaguy.’
‘Iknow.’
‘Ihaven’tputahandonher.’
‘Iknow.’
‘Iwouldn’tdothat.’
‘Iknow.’
‘I’mnotthatkindaguy,’hesaidagaingruffly.
Iwassuddenlytired:thekindofangry-tiredthat’sirritatedbyeverythingthatisn’tflat,andwhite,andhasapillowatoneend.
‘IfIthoughtyouwerethatkindaguy,Iwouldn’thaveletyougetnearher,oranygirlIknow.’
Hebristled,youngmanhoodstraighteninghisspine.
‘Anytimeyouthinkyou’regoodenough,sport.’
‘Ireallyhaven’tgottimeforthisshit,Vinson.ImetRannveigbeforeyoudid.AndIgotheroutofjail,remember?Thatgivesmetherighttotellyounottopushhertoohard.Ifyoudon’tlikeit,andyouwanttogetslappy,I’llbedownstairsbymybike,inaboutfiveminutes.’
Westaredatoneanother,hisprideridingouttomeetmyirritation.Men.IlikedVinson,andhelikedme,andwewerereadytofight.
‘Whendidyoumeether?’heasked,afteralongstare.
‘Beforethatdayatthepolicestation.’
‘Whydidn’tyoutellme?’
‘Whydidn’tshe?Maybebecauseit’snoneofyourbusiness.Look,Imetheronce,onthestreet,outsideLeo’s.Shewaswaitingforherboyfriendtoscore.Askheraboutit.’
‘Okay,okay.ButIcareabouther.Don’tyouseethat?’
‘OfcourseIdo.I’mgladshe’swithyou.That’swhatIwastryingtotellyoubefore,maybeinthewrongway.You’reaniceguy.She’llbesafewithyou.Iknowthat.Justeaseupalittle.Shehadaboyfriend.He’sdead.Whatsheneedsisafriend.Theboy-partcanwait,whilethefriend-partdoesthework.Youseethat,right?’
Herelaxed,lettingoutagushofair.
‘Wow!Youreallyhadmegoingthere,Lin.Jesus!Ithought–’
‘Listen,thebestthingyoucandoforthatgirl,rightnow,istotellherthatherboyfrienddidn’tcommitsuicide.Shefeelsguilty,butshehadnothingtodowithit.Thedopewastoostrong.Threekidsdiedinthesameweek.Checkonit.Makesuresheunderstandsthat,andclearhermind.’
‘Thanks,’hesaid.‘Hey,I’msorrywegotoffonthewrong–’
‘It’smyfault.Gotalotonmymind.HaveyouseenLisaanywhere?’
‘Shewaswiththatartist,lasttimeIsawher.Thetallguy,withtheslicked-backhair.’
‘Thanks.He’soneofthepartnersinhergallery.IfIcan’tfindher,I’mgonnagohome.Ifyouseeherortheartist,pleasetellherthat.Youtakecare.’
‘Wait!’Vinsonsaid,reachingouttoofferhishand.‘Thanks.Thanks.Imean…I’lltakecareofRannveig.Imean–’
‘It’sgood,’Isaid,shakinghandswithhim,smilingathim,likinghim,wishinghappinessforhimandthegirl,andnotreallycaring,solongastheywerehappy,ifIeversaweitheroneofthemagain.‘It’sgood.’
Littletornadoesoflaughing-drinkingpeoplewhirledineveryroom.Iwentfromwhirltowhirl,searchingforLisa.Nobodyhadseenherforawhileattheparty.Ifinallymademywaytothedoor.
KarlawasdancingwithRannveig.Foraminute,Iwatched:herhipsthesea,hereyestheflute,herhandsthecobra.Karla.ChapterThirty-Two
Whentheelevatordoorsopened,ScorpioGeorge,NaveenAdairandDivyaDevnanisteppedout.
‘Lin!’Naveencried.‘Whereareyougoing,man?Theparty’sjustgettingstarted!’
‘I’mbeat,’Isaid,steppingintotheelevatorandholdingthebuttontokeepthedoorsopen.‘Butcanyougivemeaminute?’
‘Oh,pleasecomewithus!’Scorpiopleaded.‘IwantyoutotellmeaboutthatshootingincidentatLeopold’s.Nobody’stalking,andI’mdyingtoknowwhathappened.’
‘Anothertime,Scorp.’
‘Okay,thenwe’llridebackdownwithyou,’Naveensaid,pullingtheothersintotheelevatorwithhim.
Thedoorsclosed,leavinguswithourreflectedselvesinthemirroredwalls.
‘TherewasaveryprettyAmericangirl,allblondehairandbrowneyes,waitingupstairs,’Divyasaid.‘Didyoumeether?’
‘There’saveryprettygirlwaitingformeathome,’Isaid.
‘Butthisgirl–’
‘Forgetit,Divya!’Isnapped,tooharshly.
‘YoushouldtakealittletimeofffromthatCharmSchool,motherfucker,’Divyasaidmatter-of-factly.‘Yousweepagirloffherfeet.’
‘I’msorry,it’sbeenarough–’
‘I’llmeettheAmericangirlwithbrowneyes,’Scorpiosaidbrightly.
Weturnedtolookathim.
‘Imean…ifLin’s,youknow,notgoingtobethereattheparty,and…’
‘Yousprucedupsome,Scorpio,’Iremarked.
Hislongishhairwaspulledintoaponytail.Heworeayellowshirt,newjeans,asilver-buckledbeltandcowboyboots.AringonhismiddlefingerfeaturedaGreekhelmet,ingold,gleamingfromthecentreofanonyxsquare.
‘Isittoomuch?’heasked,checkinghimselfquicklyinthewallmirror.‘ItwasDiva’sidea.Shesaid–’
‘It’sgood,’Isaid.‘Youlooklikeamilliondollars.Kudos,Divya.’
‘Thirty-fivemilliondollars,actually,’Divyareplied.‘Andit’sDiva,remember?Iswear,ifyoucallmeDivyaagain,I’llpunchyoustraightintheballs.AndI’mshortenoughandmeanenoughtodoit.’
‘That’snothyperbole,’Naveenaverred.
‘Okay.You’reDiva,fromnowon.’
Ilookeddownatherproud,prettyface.Shewasashortgirl,whoworehigh-heeledshoessooftenthatitgaveheraslightlyforward-leaningstance,ontheballsofherfeet:aleopard-footedposturethatmadeherlookasifshewasstalkingprey.Ilikedit,andlikedher,butjustwantedtogohome.
Thedoorsopenedonthelobby,andIsteppedoutquickly.
‘Surewecan’ttemptyou?’Naveenasked.
‘Nottonight.’
Ipulledhimcloseenoughtowhisper.
‘ThatthingatLeopold’s,’Isaidquietly.‘I’mgladyouwerethere,Naveen.’
‘Whenthere’sareckoning,’hesaid,justasquietly,‘countmein.’
‘Iwill.Listen,ifDidierasksyouforanyhelp,domeagood.He’swatchingLisa,whileI’maway.’
‘Away?’
‘Aweekorso.I’llcheckinwithyou,whenIgetback.’
‘Thik.’
‘And,hey,Scorpio,’Isaid,inaloudervoice,asNaveenrejoinedDiva.‘Becarefulwiththegirl.’
‘Theblonde,withbrowneyes?’
‘Anygirl,’Isaid.
Thedoorsclosed,andtheliftcarriedthembacktothepenthouseparty.
Imademywaytothebike,paidatiptothesecurityguards,androdeoutintothecoursingrain.
Soothingcleansingshowers,coldsoclosetothesea,rolledwithmeasIrodethelengthofMarineDrivetwice,beforeturningagainandmakingmywayhome.
Ididn’tknowitthen,butthatfallofpurgingrain,dropsasbigasflowers,wasthelastheavyfalloftheBombayseason.ThetorrentsthathadswampedthestreetsoftheIslandCity,andlefteverypatchofdustyearthlushwithweeds,wasdriftingsouthtowardMadras,beforeridingthesealaneup-drifttoSriLanka,andthegreatoceansthathadbirthedthem.
Itookthestepstwoatatime,andrushedintotheapartment,spillingwaterontothesilver-fleckedmarbleofthehallwayfloor.Lisawasn’tthere.
Istrippedoffmysoddenbootsandclothes,scrubbedthecutsonmyfacecleanwithdisinfectant,andstoodintheshower,lettingthecoldwaterrunonmyback,thesuburbanpenitent’sscourge.
Idressed,andwasjustabouttomakeapotofcoffee,whenLisawalkedin.
‘Lin!Wherethehellhaveyoubeen?Areyouokay?Oh,God,letmelookatyourface.’
‘I’mfine.Howareyou?Haseverythingbeenquiethere?’
‘Areyouproudofyourself?’
‘What?’
Sheshovedme,twohandsonmychest,thenpickedupametalvase,andthrewitatme.Iducked,anditcrashedintoawallunit,sendingthingsclatteringtothefloor.
‘Cominghome,allbeatuplikethat!’
‘I–’
‘Gangwarsinthestreet!Growup,forGod’ssake!’
‘Itwasn’t–’
‘ShootingpeopleatLeopold’s!Areyouacompleteasshole?’
‘Ididn’tshootany–’
‘RunningofftothemountainwithKarla.’
‘Okay,okay,sothat’swhatthisisabout.’
‘Ofcourseitis!’sheshouted,throwinganashtrayatthewallunit.
Shesuddenlycried,thensuddenlystoppedcryingandsatdownonthecouch,herhandsfoldedinherlap.
‘I’mcalmnow,’shesaid.
‘Okay…’
‘Iam.’
‘Okay.’
‘It’snotaboutyou,’shesaid.
‘Fairenough.’
‘No,really.’
‘Lisa,Ididn’tevenknowshewasthere.ButsinceyoumentionKarla,there’ssomething–’
‘Oh,Lin!’shecried,pointingatthethingsthathadfallenfromthewallunit.‘Lookwhathappenedtothesword!I’msosorry.Ididn’tmeanthattohappen.’
OneofthethingsthathadfallenfromthecabinetwasKhaderbhai’ssword:theswordthatshould’vebeenwilledtoTariq,theboyking,Khaderbhai’snephewandheir.Theswordwasbroken.Thehilthadsnappedcompletelyfreefromtheshaftofthesword.Itlayintwopiecesbesidethescabbard.
Ipickedthemup,wonderingatthestrangefrailtyofaweaponthathadsurvivedbattlesintheAfghanwarsagainsttheBritish.
‘Canyougetitfixed?’sheaskedanxiously.
‘I’lldoitwhenIgetback,’Isaidflatly,puttingthepiecesoftheswordintothecabinet.‘I’mgoingtoSriLankatomorrow,Lisa.’
‘Lin…no.’
Iwenttothebathroom,andshoweredagaintocooldown.Lisashowered,andjoinedmeasIwasdryingoff.Ileanedintothemirror,andputaplasterontheuglycutthatConcannon’sleadsaphadleftonmycheek.
Shetalked,warningmeaboutthedangersofgoingtoSriLanka,tellingmewhatshe’dreadinthenewspaper,Ranjit’snewspaper,explainingtomethatIhadnoobligationtogo,andthatIowedtheSanjayCouncilnothing,nothing,nothing
Whenshefinished,IpleadedwithhertoleaveBombayforawhile,toldhereverythingIknewabouttheLeopold’sincident,andwarnedherthatthingswouldn’tgetbetter,untilIreachedsomekindofanunderstandingwithConcannon.
‘Enoughhorriblestuff,’shesaidatlast.‘Isitmyturn,now?’
Ilaybackagainstastackofpillowsonthebed.Shewasleaningagainstthedoorjamb,herarmsfoldedacrossherwaist.
‘Okay,Lisa,yourturn.’
‘IfIcan’tstopyouleaving,it’stimetotalkaboutotherthings.’
‘Asamatteroffact–’
‘Womenwanttoknow,’shesaidquickly.‘You’reawriter.You’resupposedtoknowthat.’
‘Womenwanttoknow…what?’
Shejoinedmeonthebed.
‘Everything,’shesaid,ahandrestingonmythigh.‘Allthestuffyounevertellme,forexample.Thestuffyoudon’ttellanywoman.’
Ifrowned.
‘Look,theysaythatwomenareemotional,andmenarerational.Bullshit.Ifyousawthestuffyouguysdo,sawitfromourpointofview,thelastthingyou’dcallitwasrational.’
‘Okay.’
‘Andwomenareactuallyprettyrational.Theywantclarity.Theywantananswer.Areyouinthis,orareyouout?Womenwanttoknow.Anythinglesshasnoguts,andwomenlikeguts.That’srational,inourbook,ifyou’llforgivetheliterarymetaphor.’
‘Forgiven.Whatareyoutalkingabout?’
‘Karla,ofcourse.’
‘I’vebeentryingtotalktoyouabout–’
‘YouandKarla,’shesaid.‘Karlaandyou.Onthemountain,andoffit.Igetit.AndI’mcoolwithit.’
Andsuddenlyitwasdone:weweretwominds,twowaysofbeing,twoparadigmswhirlingapart,leavingphantomlimbswhereoncethey’dtouched.
‘Ican’tshakeit,Lisa,’Isaid.‘It’snotKarla,it’sme,andI–’
‘KarlaandIhaveanunderstandingaboutyou,’shesaidimpatiently.
‘An…understanding?’
‘That’swhatthelunchwithheratKayani’swasallabout.Weren’tyoupayingattention?’
Feynmanoncesaidthatifyouunderstandquantumtheory,youdon’t.IhadnoideawhatLisawastalkingabout.
‘Whatareyoutalkingabout?’
‘It’snotabouther,andit’snotaboutyou.It’saboutme.’
‘That’swhatIwastryingtotalkabout.’
‘No,youweren’t.YouweretalkingaboutyouandKarla.Fine.Igetthat.Butthisisn’taboutthat.Thisisaboutme.’
‘This…what?’
‘Thisconversation.’
‘Didn’tIstartthisconversation?’
‘No,Idid,’shefrowned.
‘WasIthere,whenyoudid?’
‘Hereitis.Youcan’tlovetwopeople,Lin.Notintherightway.Nobodycan.Shecan’tdoit,andneithercanyou.Igetthat.Ireallydo.Butsadandromanticandfuckedupandthrillingandwonderfulasallthatis,it’sirrelevant.Thisisn’tabouther,andit’snotaboutyou.It’smyturn.It’saboutme.It’smyshotatthemike,Lin.’
‘It’swhataboutyou?’
‘It’sallaboutme.’
‘Youthinkyoucouldstartthisconversationagain?’
Shelookeddirectlyintomyeyes,challengingmetostaywithher.
‘See,womenneedtoknow,it’sthatsimple.’
‘Igotthatbit.’
‘Andoncetheyknow,theycandealwithanything.’
‘Dealwith…what?’
‘Stopbeatingyourselfup,Lin.You’regoodatbeatingyourselfup.Youcouldgetaprize,iftheygaveprizesforbeatingyourselfup,andIkindalovethataboutyou,butit’snotneededhere.I’mbreakingupwithyou,tonight,andIwantedtotalkaboutit,becauseIthoughtyoushouldknowwhy.’
‘I…sure…ofcourse.What?’
‘Ireallythinkyoushouldknow.’
‘CanIpretendtoknow?’
‘Stopkiddingaround,Lin.’
‘I’mnotkidding,I’mjustlost.’
‘Okay.It’slikethis–Idon’twanttoexplainyouanymore.’
‘Explainmetoyourfriends,ormyenemies?’
‘Idon’tgiveashitwhatanybodysaysaboutyou,’shesaid,burningblueintomyeyes.‘AndIwouldn’tlistentoit.Youknowthat.WhatIdon’tlikeaboutwhatyoudoisthatyoulikeit.’
‘Lisa–’
‘Youlikehavingtwogunsandsixfalsepassportsandsixcurrenciesinthedrawer.Andyoucan’tsayyoudoittosurvive.You’resmarterthanthat.I’msmarterthanthat.Thefactis,youlikeit.Youlikeitalot.AndIdon’twanttoexplainthattomyselfanymore.Idon’tlikethatyou.Ican’tlikethatyou.Iwon’tlikethatyou.I’msorry.’
Aman’saprison.Ishould’vetoldherthatI’dquittheSanjayCompany,andtheSriLankarunwasmytickethome.I’dtakenastepawayfromthemethatshedidn’tlike.Itwouldn’thavechangedhermind,butitwassomethingshehadarighttohear.Aman’saprison.Ididn’tspeak.
‘Karlalikesthatyou,’shesaidcasually.‘Ithinkshelikesthatyouevenmorethanyoudo.’
‘Wheredidyougo,Lisa?’
Shelaughed,andprettyhard.
‘Youreallywanttoknow?’
‘Enoughwiththewantingtoknow,Lisa.’
Shesatuponthebed,herlegscrossed.Herblondehairwastiedintoaswallowtail,dippingandshakingasshespoke.
‘YouknowRish,mypartnerinthegallery?’
‘Howmanypartnershaveyougotnow?’
‘Six.Well–’
‘Six?’
‘So,anyway–’
‘Six?’
‘So,anyway,Rishhasbeendoingalotofmeditation–’
‘Oh,no.’
‘Andalotofyogastudies–’
‘Okay,Lisa,stop.Ifyoutellmethere’sagurubehindallthis,I’llbeobligedtoslaphim.’
‘He’snotmyguru,he’sRish’sguru,andthat’snotthepoint.Itwasn’tsaidbyaguru,andRishdidn’tsayit.Awomansaidit,Ithink.Idon’tknowwhosheis,actually.ButJohnnyCigargavemeaself-helpbook,andRishgavemeexactlythesamebook,onthesameday.Andthequotewasinthatbook–thethingshesaid.’
‘Whatthing?’
‘ThethingthatRishheardfromsomewhere,andsaidtome.’
‘Whatthing?’
‘Resentmentisunmetneedordesire,’shesaid.‘That’swhatI’vebeentryingtotellyou.’
Ithoughtaboutit.Awriter’sworstinstinct,andtoooftenthefirst,istolookfortheflawinanywrittenorspokenthingthatlooksgood.Ididn’tfindit.
‘That’sprettygood,’Iconceded.
‘Prettygood!SheshouldgettheNobelPrizeforSayingCoolShit.’
‘Okay,’Ismiled.
‘Itrippedmymindapart,Lin,Igottatellya.Itmadesomuchsense.IsuddenlyunderstoodexactlywhyIwasfeelingsoresentful,theselastmonths.Iwasreallyoutofitonresentment,youknow?Like,whenyougettothestagewhereyougetirritatedbythingsthatusedtobecute,onlynowthey’renotcuteanymore?’
‘Howmuchnotcutearewetalkingabout?’
‘Alotnotcute.’
‘Alot?’
‘Iwasmuttering,’sheconfessed.
‘Youweremuttering?’
‘Iwas.’
‘Muttering?’
‘Ithoughtyoumust’veheardme,acoupletimes.’
‘AboutirritatingthingsIdid?’
‘Yes.’
‘Likewhat?’
‘Well,forstarters–’
‘No,don’ttellme.Idon’twannaknow.’
‘Itmightbehelpfultoyourprocess,’shesuggested.
‘No,I’mgood.I’vealreadybeenprocessed.Goon.Youweremuttering.’
‘See,’shesaid,smoothingoutthebedcoverinfrontofherfoldedlegs,herfeetasleepagainsthercalves.‘WhenIheardthosewords,resentmentisunmetneedordesire,IknewhowtothinkaboutwhatIwasfeeling.Doyougetthat?’
‘Think-feeling.I…thinkIgetit.’
‘Ihadaframe,youknow,forthepaintingofme.Iknewwhatmyunmetneedwas.Iknewwhatmyunmetdesirewas.AndwhenIknewthat,Iknewitall.’
‘Canyoudivulgetheunmetneed?’
‘Ineedtobefreeofyou,’shesaidflatly,herhandspressedintostarsonthebed.
‘Thenewyougaveupsugar.’
‘Idon’tneedit.Notanymore,’shesaid,tracingacircleonthebedcoverwithherfinger.‘Idon’thavetosugaranything,especiallynotwhatItellmyself.’
‘Andtheunmetdesire?’
‘Iwanttobeonehundredpercentinsidemyownnow.Iwanttobethemoment,insteadofjustwatchingthemomentpass.YouknowwhatI’mtalkingabout,right?Yougetme?’
‘Maybe.’
‘Now.Thisnow.Mynow.Allmynows.That’swhatIwant.Doyougetthat?’
‘You’reinthenow.Igetit.Iswear,Leese,ifthere’saguruinvolvedinthis–’
‘Thisisallme.Thisisallmine.’
‘Andit’swhatyouwant?’
‘It’sthebeginningofwhatIwant,andI’mcompletelysureofit.’
Shewastough.Shewassuperb.
‘Then,ifit’sreallywhatyouwant,Iloveit,Lisa.’
‘Youdo?’
‘Ofcourse.Youcandoanythingyouputyourheartinto.’
‘Youreallythinkso?’
‘It’sgreat,Lisa.’
‘Iknewyou’dgetit,’shesaid,hereyesbluepoolsofrelief.‘It’sjustthatIwantaspecialnow,onethat’smine,insteadofaconstantnow,thatIconstantlysharewithsomeoneelse’snow.’
Aconstantnow,thatyouconstantlysharewithsomeoneelse’snow.Itwasaprettygooddefinitionofprison.
‘Ihearyou.’
‘Iwanttoknowwhatit’sliketobeme,whenit’sjustme.’
‘Goget’em,Lisa.’
Shesmiled,andletoutawearysigh.
‘Itsoundssoselfish,butitwasn’t.Itwasgenerous,youknow,notjusttome,buttoyouandKarla,too.Itletmeseeusallclearly,forthefirsttime.Itletmeseehowmuchyou’realike,youandher,andhowdifferentyoubotharethanme.Doyouunderstandthat?’
Inadamningway,inakindandlovingway,shewastellingmethatKarlaandIweremadeforeachother:Karla’sedgesfittingmyscars.Trueornot,strangelyhurtfulornot,itdidn’tmatter,becausethoseminutesweren’tKarla’sormine:theywerehers.
Thefallandsummitwithin,whatwedo,andwhatwechoosetobecome,areoursalone,astheyshouldbe,andmustbe.Lisawasdeepinthatserene,uncontradictablestillnessborninresolution,andshewasgloriouslyalonewithit.Shewasclear,determined,braveandhopeful.
‘Thenewyouisreallysomething,’Isaidquietly.
‘Thankyou,’shesaidsoftly.‘Andthenewme,brokenupwitholdyou,andnotsleepinginthesamebedasthenewyou,needstorenttheguestbedroomtosleepin.’
‘Well,’Ilaughed,‘ifyournowisn’ttoocompromisedbyit,noproblem.’
‘Oh,no,’shesaidseriously,snugglinginbesideme,herheadonmychest.‘ButIdothink,nowthatwe’reseparatedunderthesameroof,weshouldhaveafewrules.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Likewithsleepovers.Weshouldhaveasleepoverrule.’
‘Sleepovers?Yournowisgettingmorecrowdedbytheminute.’
‘Wecouldhangasignonthefrontdoor.’
‘Asign?’
‘Imean,asignthatonlyweunderstand.Likeagardengnome,forexample.Ifthegardengnomeisontheleftsideofthedoor,oneofushasasleepoverguest.Ifit’sontherightsideofthedoor,nosleepovers.’
‘Wedon’thaveagardengnome.Wedon’thaveagarden.’
‘Wecouldusethatcatstatueyoudon’tlike.’
‘Ididn’tsayIdidn’tlikeit.Ilikeitplenty.Isaiditdidn’tseemtolikeme.’
‘Andyou’llhavetoforgivetherent,foratleastsixmonths.’
‘Justtobeclearonthesleepovercatsignal,’Iasked.‘Wasittheleftsideofthedoor,ortheright?’
‘Theleft.Andyou’llhavetoforgivetherent.’
‘Therent’salreadypaidforayear,Lisa.’
‘No,Imeanmyrent,fortheguestroom.I’llpaythemarketrate.Iinsist.ButIputeverythingIhaveintothenextshow,andI’mskinnedalive.Iwon’tbeabletopayyouforatleastsixmonths.’
‘Forgetaboutit.’
‘No,really,Iinsistonpaying,’shesaid,punchingmeintheribs.
‘Forgetaboutit.’
Shehitmeagain.
‘Igiveup.I’llletyoupaymeback.’
‘And…I’llneedanadvance,’sheadded.
‘Anadvance?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Youdon’tworkforme,Lisa.’
‘Yes,butIhatethewordloan.Itsoundslikethenoiseadogmakes,whenit’sinpain.I’vedecided,fromnowon,thatwhenIneedaloanI’llaskforanadvance.It’samuchmoreinspiringword.’
‘Advancedthinking.’
‘ButIwon’tbeabletopayforfood,electricity,phoneorlaundrybillsforawhile.Everypennyofmyadvancewillbetiedup.’
‘Covered.’
‘Iinsistonpayingit,whenIhaveenoughtosparefrommynextadvance.’
‘Right.’
‘AndI’llneedacar,butwecantalkaboutthatwhenyougetback.’
‘Sure.Isthatit,withthehouserules?’
‘Thereisoneotherthing.’
‘Let’shaveit.’
‘Idon’tknow.Imean–’
‘Let’shaveit.’
‘I’mnotcookinganymore,’shesaid,pressingherlipstogetheruntilthebottomlippoutedfree.
She’dcookedthreetimes,intwoyears,anditwasn’tpleasanteating.
‘Okay.’
‘Tobebrutallyhonest,Iabsolutelyhatecooking.Ican’tstandit.Ionlydidittopleaseyou.Itwasalivinghellformeeverytime,frombeginningtoend.I’mnotdoingitanymore.I’msorry,butthat’sjusthowitis,evenasaroommate.’
‘Okay.’
‘Idon’twanttohurtyou,butIdon’twantyoutogetanyexpectations,either.I’mbigintoexpectationsatthemoment,aspartofmyprocess,andIhosethemdownbeforetheybecome–’
‘Resentments?’
‘Exactly!Oh,God,Ifeelsomuchbetter.Doyou?’
‘Ifeelokay,’Isaid.
‘Youdo?Really?It’simportanttome.Idon’twanttodraganyguiltorshameintomynowwithme.It’simportanttomethatyoucareenoughtoletmedothis,andthatyoufeelgoodaboutit.’
Goodisonlyhalfthetruth,andtruthisonlyhalfthestory.Asmallpartofmewasaggrievedthatshewasdemandingsomuchandtakingsomuchfromthelittlethatwehadleft.Butthebiggerpartofmehadalwayssupposedorexpected,howeversilentlyandreluctantly,thatwe’dpartfromoneanotheroneday,andprobablywithlittlemorethanwecouldholdinourhands.AndthentherewasKarla,alwaysKarla.IhadnorighttoshadeaminuteofLisa’shappiness.Goodisonlyhalfthetruth,andtruthisonlyhalfthestory.
‘I’mgood,Lisa.Ijustwantyoutobehappy.’
‘I’msoglad,’shesaid,smilingthroughherlashes.‘Iwasdreadingthis,youknow.’
‘Why?WhenhaveIevernotlistenedtoyou,ornotsupportedyou?’
‘It’snotthat.It’smorecomplicatedthanthat.’
‘How?’
‘Thereareotherthingsandotherpeopletoconsider.’
‘Whatthings,Lisa?Whatpeople?’
‘Idon’twanttogointoit,now.’
Womenwanttoknow?Ithought.Menwanttoknow,too
‘Comeon,Lisa–’
‘Look,you’releavingtomorrow,andIwantustokeepfeelinghappyabouthowfarwe’vecometonight,okay?’
‘Ifthat’sthewayyouwantit.’
‘Ido.I’mhappy,Lin,anddon’twanttospoilit.’
‘I’llbebacksoon,aweekorso,andwe’lltalkagain.Whateverhelpyouneed,it’syours.Ifyouwantanewplace,I’llsetitup,andcleartherentforayear.Whateveryouwant.Don’tworry.’
‘You’vereallyevolved,youknow,’shesaidwistfully.
‘Fromwhat?’
‘FromwhatImet,’shesaid.
ShelookedupatmewithanexpressionIcouldn’trecognise,atfirst,andthenIdid.Itwasendearment;thekindofendearmentwereserveforverydearfriends.
‘Doyourememberourfirstkiss?’sheasked.
‘AfghanChurch.Theychasedusout.Wealmostgotarrested.’
‘Let’sfindout,’shesaid,movingtositacrossme,‘howwe’llrememberourlastkiss.’
Shekissedme,butthekissdissolvedinwhispersandwetalked,lyingsidebysideinthedark,untilthestormsoftenedanddied.Whensheslept,Iroseandpackedabagforthemorning’strainride.
Iputmyguns,ammunition,longknives,somepassportsandafewbundlesofmoneyinacompartmentI’dhadmadeinthebackofaheavychestofdrawers.IleftextramoneyforLisainthetopdrawerofthedresser,whereshe’dfindit.
Wheneverythingwasset,IwenttothewindowandsatinthewickerchairI’dboughtforher,highenoughtogiveaviewofthestreetbelow.
Thelastlonelychaisellerwalkedpastourwindow,gentlyringingthebellonhisbicycletoattracttheattentionofdozingnightwatchmen.Littlebylittlethethring-thringofthebellfaded,untilthestreetwassilent.
Alllifeorbitsthatsun,Fate’sheart.Ranjit,Vikram,DennistheSleepingBaba,NaveenAdair,Abdullah,Sanjay,DivaDevnani,Didier,JohnnyCigar,Concannon,Vinson,Rannveig,Scorpio,Gemini,SriLanka,Lisa:mythoughts,avoyager,sailedfromseatosea,withonestarintheblack-inksky,Karla.
LisawasstillasleepwhenIleft,atdawn.Iwalked,contrition-brisk,toataxistandonthecauseway.Myshadowplayedlikealaughingdogintheyellowmorning.Asleepytaxidriverreluctantlyaccepteddoublethefare.Theemptystreetswedrovewerebright,cleanedbylight.
Thestation,Bombay’spagancathedral,urgedporters,passengersandburdensintopassagewaysofcrucialconsequence,everyseatprecious;everyseatimportant;everyseatessentialtosomeone’sdestiny.
AndwhentheMadrasExpresspulledout,atlast,mywindowwokethestreetsforme,allthewaythroughrain-stainedsuburbstothetreelineofgreenmountainsandvalleys,beyondthecity’sgreyhunger.
Again-and-again,again-and-again,thetrain’srhythmchanted.Ifeltgood:badandgoodatthesametime.Myheartwasaquestion;myheadwasacommand.
SriLankawasrisky.Lisawasrightaboutthat.ButAbdullahhadspokentoSanjay,wrestingmyfreedomfromhiminexchangeforthemissionI’dpromisedtodo.Andonejob,likefiftyothersI’ddone,wasasmallpricetopayforacleanexitfromtheCompany.
IwashappyforLisa,happythatshewasfreeofme,ifthatwaswhatshewanted.Iwasstillfeelingthesameworriedaffectionforher,butIhadtostartgettingusedtothefactthatshewasalreadygone:shewasgone,andIwasonawartrain.
Lisafoundhertruth,andIfoundmine.IwasstillinlovewithKarla,andIcouldn’tloveanyoneelse.
Itdidn’tmatterwhatintriguesKarlawasplotting,withRanjitoragainsthim.Itdidn’tmatterthatshe’dmarriedsomeoneelse,orthatI’dtriedtolovesomeoneelse.Itdidn’tmatterifwecouldn’tbemorethanfriends.Ilovedher,andIalwayswould.
Ifeltgood,andbad:onebadmissionawayfromgood.
Again-and-again,thetrainwheelssang,again-and-again,again-and-again,asfarmsandfieldsandtownsofdreamsstreamedpastmywindow,andashawlofskymisteddistantmountainswiththelastofthatyear’srain.PartSix
ChapterThirty-Three
Therewasnomoon.Cloudshid,afraidofthedark.StarsweresobrightthatwheneverIshutmyeyestheyburnedsparksonthedarkinside.Thewindwaseverywhere,playful,happytoseeusoutthereonthesurfaceofnowhere,andtheshipplungedandrosegently,asifswimmingthroughthewaves,ratherthanfloatingonthem.
I’dwaitedthreedaysinMadrasforjustsuchanight,ashadtheseventy-sevenotherswithme.Thosewaitingdayshadshrunktominutes:minutesbeforemidnight,minutesbeforeleavingthedangeroftheshipforthegreaterdangerofsmallboats,ontheopenocean.
Waveslickedattheprow,streaminginsaltedmistsallthewaytothesternwhereIstood,dressedindarkbluefatiguesandjacket,onemorecamouflagedbundleonthecamouflageddeck.
Ilookedatthestars,astheshipsighedthroughthewaves,driftingbetweendarknightanddarkersea.
Mostocean-goingcargoshipsarepaintedwhite,creamorpaleyellowabovethewaterline.Intheeventofanemergencyatsea,suchasdeadenginesorarupturedhull,theycanbeseenfromfarbysearchandrescuevessels,oraircraft.
TheMitratta,aPanamaniancoastalfreighteroffiftythousandtons,waspainteddarkblue,everywhere,anddarkbluetarpaulinscoveredthecargoandrigonthedeck.
Thecaptainranthebridgeoninstrumentlights.Theshipwassodarkthattheforwardrunninglightsseemedliketinycreatures,divingintoandoutofthewaves.
Figureshuddledtogetherlikebundlesofcargo,which,ofcourse,wewere.Smuggledpeoplesmuggletheirdreamswiththem,andtheywhisperedtooneanotheroften,butnowordcouldbeheard.Theirwhisperswerealwaysjustsofterthanthelushofthewaves.Victimsofwarbecomemastersofsilence.
Isuddenlyneededcompany.Imademyrollingwayalongthedecktothefirstofseveralgroups.Ismiledatthem,teethinthedarkness.Theysmiledbackatme,teethinthedarkness.
Isatdownbesidethem.Theybeganwhisperingagain.
TheywerespeakinginTamil.Icouldn’tunderstandaword,butIdidn’tmind.Iwasinthebubble-murmuroftheirvoices,thegentlemusicofitdrippingshadowsaroundusonthepaintedsteeldeck.
Afigureapproached,andsquatteddownbesideme.ItwasMehmood,nicknamedMehmu,mycontactontheship.
‘It’sayoungwar,’hesaidsoftly,lookingatthefacesoftheTamilsnearusonthedeck.‘TheTamilhomelandinSriLankaisanoldidea,buttheyoungaredyingforit.Canyoucomewithmenow?’
‘Sure.’
Ifollowedhimuntilwereachedtheafterdeck.
‘Theydon’ttrustyou,’hesaid,lightingtwocigarettes,andpassingmeone.‘It’snothingpersonal.Theydon’tknowwhoyouare,orwhyyou’reinthegroup.Whenyou’reinasituationthatonlyevergetsworse,liketheirs,everyone’sathreat,evenafriend.’
‘Youstayonthisshipforeverytour?’
‘Ido.Weunloadthelegitcargo,andIgobackwiththeshiptoMadras.’
‘Iwouldn’twanttodothiseverymonth.Thosepatrolboatswesawweren’tfaraway,andthey’vegotbigguns.’
Helaughedquietly.
‘YouknowanythingabouttheTamilMuslimsinSriLanka?’
‘Notmuch.’
‘Pogroms,’hesaid.‘Lookitup.’
Helaughed,butitwasjustsadness,findingadifferentwaytohisface.Hestraightenedup.
‘Thegoldandpassportsyou’rebringingwillhelp,’hesaid.‘Wehavetobuypeopleoutofprison,andthenwehavetogetthemoutofSriLankatotelltheworldaboutoursituation.Fortheothers,it’sanewcivilwar.Forus,thisisawarweneverstart,butalwayshavetofight.Forus,thisisn’tamatterofnationality,it’samatteroffaith.’
Faith,again.Therewasn’tanypureornoblecauseinwhatIwasdoing.Therewasnocausebutmyown.Iwasashamedtothinkit,standingnexttoamanwhoriskedhislifeforwhathebelieved.
Thehundred-gramgoldingotsIwassmugglinghadbeenmelteddownfromjewellerythattheSanjayCompanyhadstolenorextorted.Therewasbloodonitalready,andIwascarryingit:nothingnoble,andnothingpure.
Buttherewasstillastained-glassshardoffaithsomewhereinside.Mehmu’ssacredmissionwasajob,forme,itwastrue,butthesamedarkvesselcarriedbothofustothesamedarkwar.Anditwasawarofone,forme:oneman’sfreedomfromagangthatwasonceabandofbrothers.
Faithisbeliefwithoutfear,andfreedomisoneoffaith’sperfections.Standingthereonthatsmothereddeck,listeningtoprayersinArabic,Hindi,English,SinhaleseandTamil,thestarssobrightthosetinysunsburnedmyeyes,Iputmyfaithinfreedom,andaskedMehmuformygun.
Heliftedhissweatertoshowmethehandgun,stuffedintothebeltofhistrousers.ItwasaBrowningHP,standardissuetoIndianArmyofficers.Thepenaltiesfortradinginthemweresevere,whichwaswhytheofficerswhosoldthemtouschargedapremium.
IlikedMehmu,andwishedthathecouldcomewithmetoSriLanka.Hewasafit,knowledgeablethirty-year-old,fluentinsixlanguages,andhadaconfidenteye.Ididn’tlikeMehmu’sgun.
‘What’swiththecannon?’
‘It’sabit…conspicuous,I’llgiveyouthat,’hereplied,lookingaroundashehandedmetheweaponandamagazine.
‘Conspicuous?Thisthingisazebrainaline-up.’
Icheckedthegun,andflippedthesafetyon.
‘Ifyou’regonnagetcaughtwithaguninthiswar,’hesaid,‘it’sgottabethisone.Anyothergun,they’llgotoworkonyouforalongtime,beforetheydropyoufromahelicopterintothesea,rightabouthere,actually.’
‘Butthisgun?’
‘Thisgungivesyouachance.TheIndianArmyhastheislandnaileddown,butthere’ssomanyfreelancerseverywherenow.Americans,Israelis,SouthAfricans,andallofthemareworkingwiththeResearchandAnalysisWing.IftheIndianArmycatchesyouwiththisgun,youcantrytopassyourselfoffasaRAWagent.It’salongshot,butyouwouldn’tbethefirstthatgotawaywithit.It’stheWildEastoutthere.’
‘So,Icarryabiggun,andwhentheyseeit,becauseit’ssobig,ItalkthemintobelievingI’mworkingforthem,andthenactuallystartworkingforthem,iftheyletmelive?’
‘Ithappens,’heshrugged.‘Alot,actually.’
‘Gimmealittlegun,Mehmu.Idon’twannakillwildebeest.Ijustwannamakeenoughnoisetogivemetimetorunaway.Iftheycatchme,I’llditchthegunanddenyit.I’dratherdothatthanstartworkingforthem.’
‘Butalittlegun,’hemused.‘Ialwayssay,ifyouhavetoshootsomeoneintheeyetokillhim,yourgun’stoosmall.’
Ilookedathimforawhile.
‘Asmallgun?’Hesniffed.‘It’srightintheeye,man,orit’slikegravelrash,withalittlegun.’
‘Youdon’tsay.’
‘Idosay.Ithappens.Alot,actually.’
‘Yougotalittlegun,ornot?’
‘Ido,’hemused.‘Ifyou’dbepreparedtoexchange?’
‘Showme.’
Hetookasmallboxofcartridgesanda.22-calibreautomaticfromhisjacketpockets.Itwasthekindofweapondesignedtofitsnuglynexttolipstick,perfumeandacreditcardinapurse:agirl’sgun.
‘I’lltakeit.’
Weswappedguns.Icheckedtheweaponandputitinmyjacketpocket.
‘I’dwrapthatlotinplastic,’hesaid,tuckingtheBrowningintohistrousersagain.‘Andlockitupwithsurgicaltape.’
‘IncaseIendupinthewater?’
‘Ithappens.’
‘Uh-huh?’
‘Alot,actually.Whatisthis,yourfirstsmugglingrunorwhat?’
I’dsmuggledpassportsandgoldtoninecountries,butalwaysbyplane,andalwaysonCzechoslovakianAirways.ThecommunistairlinewastheonlyoneinBombaythatacceptedpaymentforticketsinrupees,andcheckedforweapons,butnothingelse.Whateverelseyouhadonyouintransitflights,fromgoldbarstobundlesofmoney,wasyourproblem.AndbecausenobodybutCzechoslovakiansactuallywentallthewaytocommunistCzechoslovakiaonCzechoslovakianAirways,itwasn’ttheirproblemeither.
‘Ifly.Backandforth,inseventy-twohours.Idon’tdoships.’
‘Youdon’tlikeships?’
‘Idon’tlikepower,onlandorsea.’
‘Power?’
‘Power.Absolutepower.Thelawofthesea.’
‘Youmeanthecaptain?’
‘Anycaptain.IthinktheBountywasthelastfreeship.’
Voiceswhisperedhoarselynearthepilesofcargosecuredtothedeck.Peoplebegantostand.Wesawfiguresmovingbackandforthbetweenclustersofshadows.
‘Whataretheydoing?’
‘They’repassingoutcyanidecapsules,tothosewhowantthem.’
‘Peopledothat?’
‘Alot,actually.’
‘Youknow,Mehmu,thewholemoralething.You’reshitatit.’
‘Youwantasuicidecapsule,whilethey’restillhandingthemout?’
‘SeewhatImean?’
‘Youwantone,ornot?’
‘I’mmoreyourkickingandscreamingallthewaytype,butthanksallthesame.’
Thecommotiononthedeckincreased.Theship’sfirstofficerstrodetotheportsidewithseveralmembersoftheFilipinocrew.Theyuncoveredbundlesofrope-and-plankladders,andbegantorollthemovertheside.
‘Bettergetbelow,andgetyourstuff,’Mehmusaid.‘I’llwaitforyouattheladders.’
Iworkedmywayaroundthecomparativelyemptystarboardsideofthevesseltomycrewman’sberth.
Wrappingthesmallautomaticandtheboxofammunitioninplasticbags,Isealedthemwithtapeandshovedthemintomybackpack.Ipulledoffmyjacketandsweater,putontheheavyvestI’dhidden,anddressedagain.
Thevestcontainedtwentykilosofgoldandtwenty-eightblankpassports.Withaneffort,Izippedupmyjacket,andpacedupanddowninthecabintoadjustmysteptotheextraweight.
Therewasanopenjournalonthebed.I’dbeentryingtowriteanewshortstory.Iwaschallengingmyselfwithadifficultsubject.Itwasabouthappy,lovingpeopleinahappy,lovingplace,doinghappy,lovingthings.Itwasn’tgoingwell.
Iscoopedthejournal,thepenandeverythingelseonthebedintothebackpack,andturnedtoleave.Ireachedouttoturnoffthelightandcaughtsightofmyfaceinamirror,setintothedoorpanel.
Therecklesstruthoftravelintocountriesandculturesfarfromyourownisthatsometimes,you’rejustrollingwiththedice.Fate,thetourguide,canleadanytraveller,atanymomentofthejourney,intoalabyrinthoflearningandlove,orthelongtunnelofadangerousadventure.Andeverytravellerknowsthosemomentsinthemirror:thelast,longlookatyourselfbeforeOkay,let’sdothis.
Iswitchedoffthelight,andmademywaybackondeck.
Linesofpeoplewereassembledattheladders.Thefirstofficergavethewhisperedcommand,andthesmuggledpeoplebegantodisembark.
Ishuffledforward,lastinline.Acrewmanwashandingoutlife-preservervests,andhelpingpeopletofitthem.
Mehmuwasstandingbesidehim.
‘Takemine,aswell,’hesaid,whenthecrewmanfittedmewithavest.
Oureyesmet.HeknewthatifIendedupinthesea,onevestmightnotholdmeafloat,withtwentykilosofgoldonmybody.
Thecrewmanhandedmeasecondvest,andthengavemeasmallmetalobject,andurgedmeforward.
‘What’sthis?’Iasked,whenMehmuandIpaused,awayfromthecrowdedrail.
‘It’saclicker,’hesaid.
Itwasachild’stoy,madefromtwopiecesoftinthatmadeaclick-clacksound,whenitwaspressed.Ipressedit.
Click-clack.
‘Ifyou’reinthewater,’Mehmusaid,‘staywhereyouare.Keeptogetherwiththeothersinthewater.’
‘Theothers?’
‘Aboatwillcomebacktotheship,’hecontinued,‘andtheshipwillcircleyoufromaklickorsoaway,untilwegettheallclear.’
‘Aklickorsoaway?’
‘Whenyouseeorhearanything,usetheclickertoletthemknowwhereyouare.Mostpeoplekeepitintheirteeth,likethis,sotheydon’tloseit.’
Hereachedout,tooktheclicker,andheldtheedgeofitinhisteeth.Myclickerwasshapedlikeapinkdragonfly.Hewaslookingatmewithapinkdragonflyinhismouth,andhewassendingmeintothesea.
‘It’sfromamovie,’hesaid,handingbacktheclicker.‘TheLongestWar,Ithinkit’scalled.’
‘TheLongestDay.’
‘Yeah,that’stheone.Haveyouseenit?’
‘Yeah.Haveyou?’
‘No.Why?’
‘Ithinkyoushouldtakeapeek.Thanksforeverything,Mehmu.Itwasnicesailingwithyou,evenifIdon’tlikesailing.’
‘Me,too.Ifyourunintoachunkygirl,thirtyyearsold,aboutfive-fivehigh,wearingasky-bluehijab,don’tshowherthelittlegun.’
‘Youstoleitoffagirl?’
‘Kindof.’
‘Anenemy,orafriend?’
‘Doesitmakeadifference?’
‘Hell,yeah.’
‘Itwasabitofboth.She’smywife.’
‘Yourwife?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Andyouloveher?’
‘I’mmadabouther.’
‘And…ifIshowherthegun…shemight–’
‘Shootyou,’hesaid.‘Ithappens.Alot,actually.Sheshotmeonce.She’safighter,mywife.’
‘Okay,letmegetthisstraight.Chunky,thirty,five-five,bluehijab.Right?’
‘Right.That’shername,infact.Hercomradename.’
‘What?’
‘BlueHijab.That’shername.’
‘HernameisBlueHijab?’
‘Yeah.’
‘O…kay.Thanksfortheheads-up.’
‘Nosweat,’hesmiled.‘Iwarneveryoneabouther.She’ssodangerous,Ilovehertodeath.’
‘Ihearyou.’
‘Andremember,there’sonlyoneruleonthewaytoshore.Anyonetriestotakeyourplaceontheboat,pushhimoverboard.’
‘Ithappens?’
‘Alot,actually.’
‘You!’thefirstofficergrunted,jabbingafingeratme.
Iwalkedtotherail,swungover,andstarteddescendingtherope-and-woodladder.
ItwasmuchmoredifficultthanI’dthought.Theladderswirledandswungoutoverthesea,forcingmetohugropesandbitsofwoodlikefamily.Thentheladderslammedbackintotheunyieldingsteelofthehull,scrapingskinfromunpreparedfingers.
Icametothelastfewstepsoftheladder.Thethreeboatsseemedtiny:pilotfish,hoveringagainsttheshark-hideofthefreighter.
Theywerefishingboats,flatandopen,likeoversizedversionsofthelifeboatsonthedeckoftheship,butwithamotor.Wewerestillinopensea.TheboatIwasdroppingintowasalreadycrowded.Itdidn’tlooksafe.Itookthelaststeps,andthesmelloffish,oiledintotheribsoftheship,reassuredme.
Fishermen,Ithought.Fishermenknowthesea.
Friendlyhandsguidedmeaft,steppingoverfeetandsmallbundles.Friendlyhandsguidedothersforward.Thecrewwasdistributingtheweight.
Icountedtwenty-threepeople.Thecrewofthefreighterwavedallclear,anddrewuptheladders.Ourtillermanshovedusawayfromtheship,andmovedintoopenseaunderpower.
Themotorwasquiet,muffledbyasoundproofedcabinet.
Click-clack.
Aboatnearbyinthedarknesssignalledtous.Click-clack.Weallturnedtoseeit.Click-clack,somebodysignalledback.Click-clack.
‘Youknowwhatthedifferenceis,betweenwarandpeace?’themansittingnexttomewhispered,asmileinhisvoice.
‘I’mguessingyou’lltellme,’Iwhisperedback.
‘Inpeacetime,yousacrificetwentytosaveone.Inwartime,yousacrificeonetosavetwenty.’
‘Nicetry,’Ismiled.
‘Youdon’tagree?’
‘Wedon’tsacrificefornumbers.Wesacrificeforlove,andland.’
‘Thenumbersinthiswar,arehighenoughtomakeadifference.’
‘Youweretalkingaboutwarandpeace.’
‘And?’
‘Warhasthebloodontheoutside.Peacehasthebloodontheinside,whereitbelongs.That’sprettymuchthedifference,sofarasI’veseen.Warknocksthebuildingsdown,andpeacebuildsthemupagain.’
Helaughedquietly,hislipsclosed.
‘I’myourcontact,’hesaid.
‘Uh-huh?’
‘Icamewiththeboat.I’mheretomakesureyougetwhereyou’regoing.’
HewasalittleyoungerthanIwas,shortandlean,withacheekygrinthatmust’vewonhimlips,andcosthimslaps.
‘Gladtoknowyou.Howlongbeforewemakeshore?’
‘Notlong.’
Hehandedmeaplasticjugandstartedbailingoutthewaterthatlappedintotheboatwithoccasionalwaves.Ijoinedin.Peopleallalongtheshallowboatwerebailingout.Thetillermanlaughedsoftly.
Click-clack
Thesea,thatrestlesssleeper,rolledshouldersofcurrentbeneathus.Watersplashedintotheboat,soakingusinsalt.Click-clack
Whentheboatsreachedtheshorewejumpedoutintowaist-deepwaterandstruggledforthebeach.Theboatsbegantopullaway.
Weranforthetrees.Atthetreeline,Ilookedbackatthesea.Someoftheslowermenandwomenwerestillrunning,scuffingsandastheykickedandruffledacrossthebeach:athingoffun,afootrace,maybe,onasunnyday,butathingoffearthatnight.
Therewasnosignoftheship:nolightbutthestars.
Mycontactwavedtomefromanotherstandoftrees.Ijoinedhim,andwemoveddeeperintothejungle.Afterawhilehepaused,listening.
‘What’syourname?’Iwhispered,whenweweresureno-onewasfollowingus.
‘Nonameshere,man,’hesaid.‘Thelessyouknow,thebetter.Truth’sasweetthing,unlesssomeone’scuttingitoutofyou,andthenit’saverybitterthing.Readytomove?’
‘I’mgood.’
‘There’satruckheadingsouthonthemainroad.It’llwaitforus,butitwon’twaitlong.Theboatswerealittleoffcourse.We’vegotalotofcountrytopass,andnotmuchtime.’
Weheadedintothesurroundingbushes,andinafewminutesweweremovingthroughaswatheofjunglethatranparalleltothecoast.Everynowandthenweglimpseddarkwavesthroughatreebreak,butafterawhiletheseawastoofarawaytohear,andeventhescentfadedinthestrongerfragrancesofjungledamp.
Mycontactledusagainandagainintoasmotheringmassofleavesasbigaselephants’ears,toemergeonanarrowpaththatwasinvisibleuntilheplungedusintoit.
Hewasn’tnavigatingbythestars:wecouldn’tseethem.Hismentalmapofthejunglewassoprecisethatheneverhesitatedinhisrapidwalk.
Ilosthim,twice.EachtimeIfroze,listeningforhisstep.EachtimeIheardnothinguntilhetappedmeontheshoulder,andweheadedoffthroughthejungleagain.
Withmybackpackandthesmugglingvest,Iwascarryingthirty-fivekilos.Buttheweightwasn’ttheproblem.Tostopthevestfromshifting,andaccidentallydislodgingthetablets,I’dstrappedittightlytomychestandwaist.Everybreathwasastruggle.
Wepushedthroughavergeofleavesandbushesontoamainroad.
‘Gottasavetime,’mycompanionsaid,glancingathiswatch.‘We’llriskasideroad,forawhile.Muchfaster.Ifyouseeanylightatall,hitthetreesandhide.I’lldrawitoff.Youstayput.Yougotthat?’
‘Yeah,’Ipuffed.
‘Youwantmetocarrythevest,forawhile?’
‘I’mgood.’
‘Letmeatleasttakethebackpack,’hewhispered.
Islippedthebackpackoffmyshouldergratefully,andhestrappediton.
‘Okay,let’sjog.’
Weranalongtheroughsideroadinasilencesocompletethattheoccasionalanimalorbirdcrywasshocking.Everybreathstrainedagainsttheconstrictingvest.
Intruth,aNigeriangunrunneroncesaidtome,thesmuggleronlyreallysmuggleshimself.Alltheotherstuffthathecarries,it’sjustanexcuse,youknow?Bythetimewereachedthepickuppoint,myexcusewasthreateningtostopmyheart.
‘We’rehere,’mycontactsaid.
‘Hallelujah,’Ipuffed.‘Youguyseverheardofmotorcycles?’
‘Sorry,man,’mycontactsmiled,handingmemybackpack.‘ButIthinkwe’reintime.’
‘Youthink?’Igasped,restingmyarmsonmyknees.
‘Haveyougotagun?’heasked.
‘Ofcourse.’
‘Getithandy.Now.’
Iunwrappedmypistol,ashecheckedandreloadedhisten-shotautomatic.Heglancedaroundandsawthesmall.22-calibrepursepistol.
‘Ifyourunintoachunkywoman,wearingasky-bluehijab–’
‘Iknow.Don’tshowherthegun.’
‘Fuck,man,’hegrinned.‘Youlikelivingdangerously.’
‘SomethingtellsmethatthisBlueHijableavesalastingimpression.’
‘She’sfine.Agreatcomrade,’helaughed.‘Justdon’tshowherthegun.’
Heglancedathiswatchagain,andstaredintothedarknessthatatetheroadwherestarlightfailed.
‘Ifthisgoessouth,sodoyou,’hesaid,glancingathiswatchagain.‘Headduesouth.ThisroadgoestoTrincomalee.Stayinthejungle,asmuchasyoucan.Ifyoumakeit,reportattheCastlereaghhotel.You’rebookedinfortwoweeks.You’llbecontactedthere.’
‘Thisiswhereyougetoff?’
‘Yeah.Youwon’tseemeagain.’
Hebeganmutteringindistinctly.
‘What?’
‘Adiamond,forapearl,’hesaid.
Iwaited.
‘Weshouldn’tbehere,usTamils.Weleftadiamond,MotherIndia,forapearl.Andnomatterwhatwedo,nomatterhowmanyofusdie,it’llneverbeworthit,becausewegaveupadiamond,forapearl.’
‘Whydoyoustillfight?’
‘Youdon’tknowmuchaboutusTamils,doyou?Wait!Didyouhearthat?’
Welistenedforawhiletothedarkness.Asmallanimalmovedthroughthejunglenearby,swiftnesshissingthroughtheleaves.Thejunglewassilentagain.
‘I’mfightingthearmythattrainedme,’hesaidsoftly,staringnorthalongtheroad.
‘TheIndianArmy?’
Atthattime,themajormilitarypresenceinSriLankawastheIPKF,theIndianPeaceKeepingForce.
‘RAW,’hereplied.‘Theytrainedallofus.Bombs,weapons,tacticalcoordination,thewholelot.’
TheResearchandAnalysisWingwasIndia’scounter-intelligenceunit.Itheldafearsomereputationthroughouttheregion.RAWoperativeswerehighlytrainedandmotivated,andtheirByAnyMeansNecessarystatusgavethemalicencethatleftalotofquestionswheretheircommandobootslanded,andnotmanyanswers.
Indianintelligenceagentscollectedinformationfrommanysources,includingthegangs.EverymafiaCompanyinBombayknewsomeonefromRAW,openlyorundercover,andeverymafiaCompanyknewbetterthantofightthem.
‘Andnowthey’reatwarwithus,’mycontactsighed,ruefully.‘Adiamond,crushingapearl.’
Weheardanoise,maybethedistantgratingofgears,andhunkereddowninthebushes,staringatthetunneloftheroad.Thenweheardtheunmistakeablegruntandcoughofatruckengine,labouringuphill.
Thetall,totteringcargotruckrolledintoview,andbegancoastingdownhilltowardus.
‘Isitours?’
‘It’sours,’hegrinned,pullingmeupwithhim.
Wewalkedtotheedgeoftheroad,wherehewavedasmallblue-lighttorch.Thetrucksquealedandcreakedtoastop,theengineracingonidle.
Asweapproached,Inoticedthatajeephadbeendrivingbehindthetruck,lightsout,andhadstoppedinitsshadow.
Mycontactledmetothejeep.Iglancedintothebackofthetruckandsawfifteenormorepeoplesittingonbalesofcotton.
‘You’reinthejeep,’mycontactsaid.‘You’reajournalist,remember?Can’thaveyoutravellingwiththecommonfolk.’
MycovernamewasJamesDavis,Canadian,astringerforReutersnewsagency.Mypassportandaccreditationwereimpeccable:I’dmadethemmyself.
Weshookhands,knowingthatwe’dprobablyneverseeoneanotheragain,andthatoneorbothofuswouldprobablybedeadwithintheyear.
Heleanedinclosetome.
‘Remember,checkinattheCastlereagh,keepalowprofile,you’llbecontactedwithinforty-eighthours.Goodluck.MayMaaDurgabeyourguardian.’
‘Andyours.’
Hebrokeawaytoclamberupthetailgateofthetruckandontoacottonbale.Hewaved,andsmiledatme.
Foraninstant,itlookedexactlylikethethroneofsacksinthecourtyardoftheCycleKillers,butwithghostsofwar,insteadofhiredassassins.
Itookthepassengerseatofthejeep,shakinghandswiththedriverandthetwoyoungmensittingintheback.
Thetruckpulledawayandthejeepfollowed.Mycontact’sfacehoveredintheswayingshadow,carryinghimsouth.Hiseyesheldmine.
Peoplewhoabhorcrime,asIdo,oftenaskwhymenwhocommitcrimes,asIdid,dosuchthings.
Oneofthebiganswersisthatthelowroadisalwayseasier,untilitcrumblesawaybeneathdesire.Oneofthesmallanswersisthatwhenlifeandfreedomareatstake,themenyoumeetareoftenexceptional.Inotherlives,they’dbecaptainsofindustry,orcaptainsofarmies.
Inthejungle,ontherun,they’refriends,becauseafriendisanyonepreparedtodiebesideyou.Andmenwho’lldiebesideyouwithoutevenknowingyouarehardtofind,unlessyouknowalotofcops,soldiersoroutlaws.
Thetruckturnedontoasideroad.Shadowsclosedovermycontact’sface.Ineversawhimorheardabouthimagain.
Werodeonfortwentyminutes,andthenthedriverstoppedthejeepinaclearing,besidetheroad.
‘Getyourpassportandpapersready.We’regoingthroughafewcheckpoints.Sometimesthey’remanned,sometimes,not.Thingshavebeenquiethere,forawhile.Putthison.’
HehandedmeadarkblueflakvestwiththewordPRESSonthechest.Thedriverandthetwomeninthebackdonnedflakvests,andthedriverstuckawhitesquarebearingthesamewordonthewindshield.
Werodeonpastscatteredcabinsandshacks,andthenthefirstlargehouses.Whatseemedtobethelightofaforestfireonthehorizonwasthebrightcity,onlytenkilometresaway.
Wepassedthroughthreeunmannedcheckpoints,slowingtoacrawleachtime,andthenspeedingupquickly.Skirtingthecity,wereachedthecoastalvantagepointofOrr’sHill,andtheCastlereaghhotel,injustunderanhour.
‘Damnlucky,’thedriversaid,ashestoppedthejeepinthedriveway.‘There’saBollywoodactressdoingashowtonightfortheIndiantroops.Guesstheycouldn’ttearthemselvesaway.’
‘Thanksforyourhelp.’
‘Don’tmention,’hesmiled.‘MayJesusbewithyou,comrade.’
‘Andwithyou.’
Thejeepbackedoutofthedrivewayandspedaway.ThelocalcontactshadbeenaMuslim,aHindu,andaChristian,andthey’dallusedthewordcomrade.Mycontactswerealwaysblackmarkethustlers:menyouknewhowfartotrust.Thecomradeswereanewtouch.IwonderedwhatothersurprisesSanjayhadinstoreforme.Ishoulderedmybackpack,andlookedupatthegabledprowoftheCastlereaghhotel.
Itwasinthewhitecolonialstylethatcolonialwhitemenbuiltforthemselves,wherevertheycouldstealgold.Thegoldinthevest,strappedtomychest,wascomingbackhometooneofthosecolonies,andIcouldn’tgetridofitfastenough.
Ipaused,anddidanamecheck.Asmugglerhastoliveinanewfakenameandaccentforawhile,beforeusingit.Asafugitivewithapriceonmyhead,IcollectedaccentsandpractisedthemwheneverIcould.
I’mJamesDavis.James.MynameisJamesDavis.Maybenot.I’mJimDavis.WasIJimmy,asakid?JimDavis,pleasedtomeetyou.No,please,callmeJim.
WhenIfoundthefakenameIcouldtrust,IfoundmywayintothenewlifeIhadtoliveforawhile.Theproblemwassimplifiedbywarformycompanion,mycontact,who’driddenawayasashadowinthebackofatruck.Whenhewasn’twiththosehelovedortrusted,hehadnonameatall.
Iclimbedthegraniteandtilesteps,crossedthewoodenverandaandtappedonthefiligreedglassofthemaindoor.Inafewmoments,thenightporteropenedthedooracrack.
‘Davis,’Isaid,flippingeasilyintoaCanadianaccent.‘JimDavis.Ihaveareservation.’
Hewavedmeinside,lockingthedoorsecurely,andledmetothereservationsdesk,wherehecopiedmypassportdetailsintoaledgerthatwashalfthesizeofapooltable.Ittookawhile.
‘Thekitchenisclosed,sir,’theattendantsaidatlast,closingthebookapageatatimeasifhewasmakingabed.‘Thereareveryfewguestsatthemoment.Theseasonproperbeginsinthreemonths.Buttherearecoldsnacks,andIcanmixyouaverynicedrink,ifyoulike.Thehousespecial.’
Hewalkedacrossthelargehotelreceptionareaandswitchedonalampbesideacomfortable,linen-coveredcouch.Movingnimbly,hecrossedtheroomagain,andopenedadoorleadingtothebathrooms.
Heswitchedonanotherlight,andpluckedatowelfromtherail.
‘Ifyou’dliketofreshenup,sir?’hesaid.
Iwashungryandthirsty.Ididn’twanttospendhalfanhourorlongercreatingasafehiding-placeinthehotelroomformygoldenvest.SolongasIwaswearingit,thevestwassafe.
Iacceptedthetowel,washedmyfaceandhands,andthensatdownonthecouch,whereaplacehadalreadybeensetforme.
‘Itookthelibertyofpreparingadrink,sir,’hesaid,placingatallglassinfrontofme.‘Withcoconut,freshlime,abiteofginger,adashofbitterchocolateflakes,andafewsecretingredientsofmyown.Ifit’snottoyourliking,I’llprepareanotherofyourchoosing.’
‘Sofar,I’mhappytoletyoudothechoosing,Mr–mayIknowyourname?’
‘Ankit,sir,’hereplied.‘MynameisAnkit.’
‘Anicename.TheComplete.I’mJim.’
‘YouknowIndiannames,sir?’
‘IknowIndiannames,Ankit.Whereareyoufrom?’
‘I’mfromBombay,’hesaid,placingatrayofsandwichesinfrontofme.‘Likeyou.’
Hewaseithermycontactatthehotel,orhewasanenemy.Iwashopingforthecontact.Thesandwicheslookedgood.
‘Wannasitdown?’
‘Ican’t,’hesaid,speakingsoftly.‘Itwouldn’tlookright,ifsomeonecamein.Butthankyou,anyway.Areyouokay?’
Hemeant,Didyoubringanytroublewithyou?Itwasafairquestion.
‘I’mgood,’Isaid,droppingtheCanadianaccent.‘Wepassedthroughemptycheckpoints.Wewerelucky.There’samoviestarintown,entertainingthetroops.’
Herelaxed,allowinghimselftoleanonthebackofanarmchair.
HewasalittletallerthanIwas,thin,perhapsforty-fiveyearsold,andhadthick,greyhair.Hiseyesweresharp,andhewasfit.Iguessedthathisconfident,gracefulmovementshadbeenlearnedinboxing,orsomeothermartialart.
‘Imadeveg,andnon-vegoptions,’hesaid,gesturingtowardthetrayofsandwiches.
‘RightnowI’mhungryenoughtoeatthenapkinoption.MindifIgoahead?’
‘Eat!Eat!’hesaidinHindi.‘I’llfillyouin,whileyoufillyourselfin,sotospeak.’
Iateeverything.Thecocktailwasgood,too.Mycontact,Ankit,aHindufromBombayinthemiddleofawarinvolvingBuddhists,MuslimsandotherHindus,wasagoodhostandavaluableresource.WhileIate,helistedtherequirementsformytwo-orthree-dayroleofjournalist.
‘Andmostimportantly,youhavetoreporttothecheckpointeverydaybeforenoon,togetstamped,’hesaidinconclusion.‘That’samust.Ifyou’rehereforafewdays,andtheyseeasingledaymissing,you’llbedetained.Haveyoueverhadthefeelingthatyou’renotwanted?’
‘Notrecently.’
‘Well,ifyoumissaday,andtheycatchyou,you’regoingtofeelliketheUniversedoesn’twantyouanymore.’
‘Thanks,Ankit.Doesn’tanyoneinthiswarhaveasenseofhumour?TheUniversedoesn’twantmeanymore?That’ssuchadepressingthoughtthatIinsistononemoreofyourspecialcocktails,immediately.’
‘Justdon’tmissthatcheckpoint,’helaughed,returningtothesmallbarintheloungearea.
Hewentbacktothebarseveraltimes,Iguess.Ilostcountafterthethirdtime,becauseeverythingafterthatwasthesamething,somehow,likewatchingthesameleaffloatpastonastream,againandagain.
Iwasn’tdoped.Ankitwasadamngoodbartender:thekindwhoknowsexactlyhowdrunkyoudon’tneedtobe.Hisvoicewassoft,kindandpatient,althoughIhadnoideawhathewassaying,afterawhile.Iforgotaboutthemission,andtheSanjayCompany.
FlowerssobigIcouldn’tputmyarmsaroundthemtriedtopressmyeyesclosed.Iwastumbling,slowly,drifting,almostweightless,infeatheredpetals.
Ankitwastalking.
Iclosedmyeyes.
Thewhiteflowersbecameariver.Itcarriedmetoaplaceofpeace,amongthetrees,whereadograntowardme,franticwithhappiness,andpawedatmychesthappily.ChapterThirty-Four
‘Davis!’
Thedogscratchedandpawedattheedgeofthedream,tryingtoclawmebacktothatplace,thatsacredspace.
‘Davis!’
Iopenedmyeyes.Therewasablanketoverme.IwasstillsittingwhereI’dslept,butAnkithadputapillowbehindmyhead,andablanketovermychest.Myhandwasinmyjacketpocket,holdingthesmallautomatic.Adeepbreathtoldmethatthegoldenvestwasstillinplace.
Okay
Therewasastrangerstoopingoverme.
Notokay
‘Backoff,friend.’
‘Sure,sure,’themansaid,straighteningupandofferinghishand.‘I’mHorst.’
‘Doyouoftenwakepeopleuptomeetthem,Horst?’
Helaughed.Itwasloud.Tooloud.
‘Okay,Horst,domeafavour.Don’tlaughlikethatagain,untilI’vehadtwocoffees.’
Helaughedagain.Alot.
‘You’rekindofaslowlearner,aren’tyou?’
Helaughedagain.Thenheofferedmeacupofhotcoffee.
Itwasexcellent.Youcan’tdislikesomeonewhobringsyougood,strongcoffee,whenyou’vebeenthirty-minutedrunkonlyfourhoursbefore.
Ilookedupathim.
Hiseyesweresun-bleachedblue.Hisheadseemedunnaturallylarge,tome.IthoughtthatAnkit’scoconutlimedrinksweretoblameuntilIstood,andsawthathehadanunnaturallylargehead.
‘That’sabigheadyou’vegotonyou,’Isaid,asIshookhandswithhim.‘Everplayedrugby?’
‘No,’helaughed.‘Youcan’timaginehowharditistofindahatthatfits.’
‘No,’Iagreed.‘Ican’t.Thanksforthecoffee.’
Istartedtowalkaway.Itwasstillinthehalf-light.Iwantedtobeatthedawntomybedroom,andsleepalittlemore.
‘Butyouhavetoreport,atthecheckpoint,’hesaid.‘Andbelieveme,it’smuchsaferforusjustafterdawn,thanatanyothertime,ja.’
IwasstillwearingtheflakvestmarkedPRESS.Hewasinvitingme,asafellowjournalist.IfIhadtodoit,itwasbetterincompany.Sleepnomore.
‘Whoareyouwith?’Iasked.
‘DerSpiegel,’hereplied.‘Well,I’mfreelancingforthem.Andyou?’
‘Howlonghaveyoubeenhere?’
‘Longenoughtoknowthesafesttimetoreporttothecheckpoint.’
‘DoIhavetimetowashup?’
‘Makeitquick.’
Iranupstairstomyroom,strippedoff,hadacoldshower,andwasdriedandre-vestedinsixminutes.
Icamedownthestairsinajog,butfoundtheloungeareaempty.Thewindowsofdawnlightwereatexactlythesameintensityasthelightsintheroom:alightwithoutshadows.
Asoft,scrapingsoundstirredthestillness.Gardenerswereworkingalready.
Iwalkedthroughtothelong,wideveranda,directlyabovetheopenwoundoflawnssurroundingthehotel:awoundthatthejungleceaselesslysoughttoheal.
Sevenservantswerehardatwork,hacking,choppingandsprayingherbicideontheperimeter:theurbanfrontlineinthewarwithnature.
Iwatchedthemforawhile,waitingforHorst.Icouldhearthejungle,speakingthewind.
Giveustwenty-fiveyears.Leavethisplace.Comeback,aftertwenty-fiveyears.You’llsee.We’llhealitofallthispain.
‘I’dliketohaveafewofthosefellowsworkingforme,’Horstsaid,ashecametostandbesideme.‘MygirlfriendhasaplaceinNormandy.It’slovely,andallthat,butit’salotofwork.Acoupleoftheseguyswouldfixitupinnotime.’
‘They’reTamils,’Isaid,watchingthemdriftacrosslawnslitbyhoveringdew.‘TamilsareliketheIrish.They’reeverywhere.You’llfindhard-workingTamilsinNormandy,ifyoulookhardenough.’
‘Howdoyouknowthey’reTamils?’Horstaskedsuspiciously.
Iturnedtofacehim.Iwantedanothercoffee.
‘They’redoingthedirtywork,’Isaid.
‘Oh,yeah,yeah,’helaughed.
Itwasn’tfunny.Iwasn’tlaughing.Hepinchedhislaughtoafrown.
‘Whichagencydidyousayyou’rewith?’
‘Ididn’tsay.’
‘You’rearealsecretiveguy,aren’tyou?’
‘Theshootingiswallpaper.Therealwarisalwaysbetweenus,thejournalists.’
‘Whatareyoutalkingabout?’Horstaskednervously.‘Ijustaskedyouwhoyou’rewith,that’sall.’
‘See,ifImakefriendswithyou,andIbreakastory,andthenIfindoutyoustoleitfromme,I’dhavetohuntyoudownandbeatyouup.Andthat’snotgood.’
Hesquintedatme.Hiseyesflared.
‘Reuters!’hesaid.‘OnlyyouReuterspricksaresostingywithastory.’
Iwantedanothercoffee.Ankitappearedatmyelbow.Hewascarryingasmallglassofsomething.
‘Ithoughtthatafortificationmightberequired,sir,ifyouwillforgivetheimpertinence,’Ankitsaid.‘Theroadyouwalkthismorningisnotkind.’
Idranktheglass,discoveringthatitwassherry,anddamngood.
‘Ankit,’Isaid,‘wejustgotrelated.’
‘Verygood,sir,’Ankitrepliedequably.
‘Youthere,’HorstsaidtoAnkit.‘Canyoufindout,please,ifanyofthesefellowshaveworkpermitsforoutsideofSriLanka?’
IheldAnkit’sresponsewitharaisedhand.
‘Arewegonnagetgoing,Horst,beforethebearswakeup?’
‘Bears?’hesaid,makingitsoundlikebeers.‘Therearenobears.It’stigers,notbears.TheTamilTigers.They’reabsolutelycrazy,thosefucks.Theyallcarrysuicidecapsules,incasethey’recaught.’
‘Youdon’tsay.’
‘Theydon’tseemtorealisethatwhentheydothat,commitsuicidelikethat,theymaketheothersideevenmoredeterminedtothrowthemoutofthecountry.’
‘Arewegonnadothis?’
‘Yeah,yeah,sure.Don’tsetfiretoyourpants.’
‘What?’
‘Don’tsetfiretoyourpants,’herepeatedcrossly,crossingthelawn.
‘Alreadywiththerules,’Isaid,followinghimoutontothemainroad.
FightinginTrincomaleehadceased,andaslenderceasefirehadprevailedforweeks.TheGermanstaffofDerSpiegelhadreturnedtotheirhomeofficesforotherassignments.Horst,anAustrianstringer,hadstayedon.
Hewasholdingoutforanewstory:onethathecouldbreakwithoutcompetition.Hewashoping,infact,thattheTamilTigerswouldlaunchanoffensiveinthearea,andthathisfaded-blueeyeswouldbethefirsteyesonanewwar.
Hewasatall,healthy,well-educatedyoungman,inlovewithagirl,probablyanicegirl,wholivedonafarminNormandy,andhewashopingformorewarinSriLanka.Journalism,DidieroncesaidtoRanjit,themediabaron,thecurethatbecomesitsowndisease.
‘Youhaven’tgotacamera?’Horstasked,afterwe’dwalkedandtalkedaboutHorstforaboutfifteenminutes.
‘Inmyexperience,checkpointsareallergictoanycamerasbuttheirown.’
‘True,’heagreed,‘buttherewasaseveredheadontheroad,yesterday.Thefirstoneforamonth.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘And…ifweseeanotheronetoday…I’mnotgoingtosharethepictures.’
‘Okay.’
‘It’snotmyfaultthatyouleftyourcamera.’
‘Gotit.’
‘Just,youknow,sowe’restraightonthat,okay?’
‘Idon’twantyourpicturesofseveredheads,Horst.Idon’tevenwanttothinkaboutthem.Ifthere’sanotherseveredheadonthisroad,he’sallyours.’
Therewasanotherseveredheadonthatroad,onlyfiftymetresfurtheralong.
Atfirst,Ithoughtitwasatrick:apumpkin,orasquash,shovedontoapoleasamacabrejoke.Inafewsteps,Isawthathewasadeadkid,maybesixteenorseventeen.
Hisheadwasproppedonabamboopole,drivenintothegroundsothattheboy’sdeadfacewasfacetofacewithanylivingfacethatpassed,onthemainroad.
Theeyeswereshut.Themouthwaswideopen.
Horstwasadjustinghiscamera.
‘Itoldyouso,’hesaid.‘Itoldyouso.’
Istartedtowalkalongtheroad.Hecalledouttome.
‘Whereareyougoing?’
‘Catchmeup.’
‘No,no!It’snotsafe,aloneonthisroad.That’swhyIwantedtowalktogether.Youshouldstaywithme.Imean,foryoursafety.’
Ikeptwalking.
‘Two,intwodays!’Horstsaid,asdistancelosthim.‘Something’sup.Icanfeelit.IknewIwasrighttostay.’
Hewasclickinghiscamera.
Click-clackClick-clack
Killingthekidwasacrime,butspikinghisheadwasasin,andsinalwaysdemandsexpiation.Myheartwantedtofindawaytoreturnthekid’sheadtohisparents,helpthemfindtherestofhim,somehow,andlayhimtorest.
ButIcouldn’tlistentomyheart.Icouldn’tevenlayhisdeadyoungheadontheearth,whicheveryinstinctinsidemecriedtodo.Ihadavestfullofgoldandpassports,andmyownpassportwasasfalseasmyjournalistaccreditation.Iwasasmuggler,onamission,andIhadtowalkaway.
AloneontheroadIgrievedforthatkid,whoeverhewas,whateverhe’ddone.Iwalkedon,findingmyhardfaceagain,tryingtoloseallthoughtofitinthejungle,brightinabriefhaloofsunlightbetweenstorms.
Treeswereplentiful,growingtallandstronginnurseriesofshrubsandplants,somewaist-high,somereachingtomyshoulders.
Theleavesshivereddropsofthelastrainontothethickrootsofthetrees:devoteespouringscentedoilonthefeetoftree-saints,whoseraised-armbranches,andmillion-handleaveshadprayedthestormfromthesea.Withouttreestoprayforit,there’snorain,Lisaoncesaidtome,aswe’drushedouttoenjoyawarm,monsoonrainstorm.
Windsfromtheseapacifiedstorm-shakentrees.Branchesdippedandswayed,foamingleaveswavingwiththesoundofsurfontheshoreofthesky.Birdshoveredandswooped,vanishinginwallsofgreen,anddartingoutagain,theirshadowsglitteringonthewetroad.
Naturewashealingme,asNaturedoes,whenweletit.Istoppedgrievingforthelostkidbesidetheroad,andthelostkidinsideme,andIstoppedsayingthewordsseveredhead
Acarapproachedmefromthenorth.Itwasabatteredwhitesedan,withtheheadlightscoveredinstarsofblacktape.Thedriverwasawoman.Shewaschunky.Shewasshort.Shewasthirty.Shewaswearingasky-bluehijab.
Shestoppedbesidemeandleanedovertorolldownthewindow.
‘Whatthefuckdoyouthinkyou’redoing?’shedemanded.
‘I–’
‘Don’ttellme.’
‘But,youjustasked–’
‘Getinthecar.’
‘Whoareyou,again?’
‘Getinthecar.’
Igotinthecar.
‘You’recompromised,’shesaid,apinchedfrownofcontemptlookingmeupanddown.
‘Salaamaleikum,’Isaid.
‘You’recompromised,’sherepeated.
‘Salaamaleikum,’Isaid.
‘Waaleikumsalaam,’shereplied,squintingatmeangrily.‘We’vegottogetoutofhere.’
ShedroveoffbutinafewsecondswesawHorst,stillstandingbesidethekid’shead,stilltryingtogetthatperfectshot.ShewantedtodriveonbutIstoppedher,sometenmetrespastthejournalist.
‘He’llaskquestions,ifIdisappearfromtheroad.Letmehandlethis.’
Igotoutofthecar,andjoggedbacktoHorst.
‘What’sgoingon?Who’sthatwithyou?’
‘I’vejustheard,’Isaidbreathlessly.‘Fightinghasstartedagain.I’mgettingthehelloutofhere.Youwantaridebacktothehotel?’
Hiseyesnarrowed,ashelookednorthonthedesertedroad.
‘No,see,IthinkI’llhangaround.Yougo.It’sokay.’
‘Idon’tliketoleaveyoulikethis,whenit’sgettingdangerous.’
‘No,no,I’mfine.I’llgoseewhat’shappeningatthecheckpoint.Yougoon.’
Hefumbledwiththecamera,andofferedhishand.Ishookit.
‘Goodluck,’Isaid.
‘Sametoyou.Anddomeafavour?Sinceyou’regoing,keepthistoyourselfforaslongasyoucan,okay?’
‘Notaproblem.Bye,Horst.’
Hewasalreadywalkingaway,preparinghiscamera.
Click-clack.
WhenIgotbackinthecar,IsawthatBlueHijabhadapistolinherhand.Shewaspointingitatme.
‘Allgood,’Isaid.
Shedroveoffatspeed,onehanded.Shewaschanginggearswiththehandthatheldthepistol,andmakingmenervousenoughtoflinchasshenudgedtheleverviolentlywiththeheelofherhand.
‘Whatareyoutwo,sweethearts?’shedemanded.‘Blah,blah,blah.Whatdidyoutellhim?’
‘Whathewantedtohear.Areyougoingtoshootme?’
Sheseemedtoconsiderit.
‘Idon’tknow,’shesaid.‘Whatdidyoutellthatman?Whosesideareyouon?’
‘Yourside,Ihope.Andifyoushootme,you’llputaholeinoneofthepassports.’
Sheswungthecarintoaclearingthatbecameaparkingbayamidthetrees.Sheturnedofftheengine,andputbothhandsonthegun.
‘Youthinkthisisfunny?I’mdraggedfromacoverthatI’veworkedonfortwoyears,topickyouupatthehotel,collectthestuff,anddriveyoutotheairport.’
‘Acover?Whatareyou,aspy?’
‘Shutup.’
‘Aaah…okay,whoareyouagain?’
‘Ifindyouontheroad,alone,’shesaid,staringenigmasatme.‘Thenyoustoptotalktoastranger.Convincemethisisn’tamistake,orbyAllahI’llputabulletinyourhead,andstripthegoldoffyourbody.’
‘IfyouknowyourHolyKoran,’Isaid,‘itshouldbeenoughformetogiveyouthenumberofaverse.’
‘Whatthehell?’
‘Two,twohundredandtwenty-four,’Isaid.
‘TheCow,’shesneered,givingthenameoftheversefromtheKoran.‘Areyoutryingtomakeapointaboutme?AreyousayingI’mfat?’
‘Ofcourse,not.You’re…curvy.’
‘Cutitout.’
‘Youstartedit.’
‘Backtotheverse,smartguy.’
‘Ifyou’renotaMuslim,andyou’regonnalearnafewversesfromtheKoran,versetwo,twohundredandtwenty-four,isaniceplacetostart.AndmakenotAllah’snameanexcuseinyouroathsagainstdoinggoodandactingpiously–’
‘–andmakingpeaceamongmankind,’shefinishedforme,smilingforthefirsttime.
‘Shallwedothis?’Iasked,beginningtowrestleoutofmyjacket.
Sheputtheguninapocketofherskirt,openedthebackdoorofthecar,andbegantopullthebackseatupright.
Therewasahidingplaceunderneath,behindafalsecover.WhenIhandedherthevest,shedidathoroughcheckofeverypocketandeachpassport.
Satisfied,sheputthevestintothehidingplace,andconcealeditwiththesnap-fitcover.Theseatclickedbackintoplace,andwegotbackinthecar.
‘We’llstopatthehotel,’shesaid,drivingoff.‘Youhavetocheckout.Weneedyoutobeaghostfromhere.’
‘Aghost?’
‘Shutup.We’rehere.Goinside,getyourstuffandcheckout.I’llputpetrolinthecar,andmeetyouhereinfifteenminutes.Notasecondmore.’
‘Doyou–’
‘Getout!’
Igotout.Iranthesteps,enteredthereceptionareaandheardmyname.
‘MrDavis!’
ItwasAnkit,thenight-and-dayporter,standinginabaywindow.Hehadatrayinhishand.
‘IsawBlueHijab,’hesaid,asIapproachedhim,‘andthoughtyoumightbeneedingthis.’
Itookalongsipofthelongdrink.
‘Theydon’tcallyouTheCompletefornothing,Ankit.’
‘Onestrivestoplease,sir.Yourthingsarewithmeatthedesk.Youneedonlysigntheregister,whenyou’reready.’
‘Let’sdoitnow.’
‘You’vegotasix-hourdriveahead.I’mhere,ifyouwanttotakeaminutetofreshenup.’
WhenIreturned,Ankithadrefilledthedrink,andtherewasapacketofsandwiches,somewater,andtwobottlesofsoftdrinkbesidemybackpackonthecounter
Igavehimasmallrollofmoney.ItwasaboutfivehundredAmerican.
‘No,Ican’ttakethis,’hesaid.‘It’stoomuch.’
‘Wemayneverseeeachotheragain,Ankit.Let’snotpartfighting.’
Hesmiled,andputthemoneyaway.
‘Thesnackswillkeepyougoing,andthismighthelp,ifthingsget…alittletense…withBlueHijab.’
Itwasadimeofhashish,andapacketofcigarettes.
‘Ishouldsmokehash,ifthingsgettensewithanarmed,angrywoman?’Iasked,acceptingthegift.
‘No,’hesaid.‘Sheshould.’
‘BlueHijabsmokeshash?’
‘Lovesthestuff,’Ankitsaid,packingthedrinksandfoodintomybackpack.‘It’slikecatnip.Butsaveit,foraslongasyoucan.Shegetsmeanwhenitrunsout.’
Acarstoppedhardoutside.Thehornsoundedthreetimes.
‘Youshouldimaginethatshe’sDurga,thewarriorgoddess,mountedonatiger,andbehaveaccordingly.’
‘How’sthat,exactly?’
‘Berespectful,devotedandafraid,’Ankitsaid,wagginghisheadwickedly.
‘It’sbeenapleasure,new-oldfriend.Goodbye.’
Iturnedatthedoortoseehimsmilingandwaving.IlookedbackatthecartoseeBlueHijab,jabbingafingeratme,theengineofthecarrevving.
Weroaredoutofthedrivewayandontothemainroad,headingsouthtowardColombo.Sheleanedforwardinherseat,herarmstautandherknuckleswhite.
Aftertenminutesoflisteningtoherteethgrindingthepepperofhertemper,Idecidedtomakeconversation.
‘Imetyourhusband,Mehmu.’
‘Thisishowyoubreakaserenesilence?Withmentionofmybloodyhusband?’
‘Serene?I’veseenmoreserenityunderinterrogation.’
‘Tohellwithyou,’shesaid,butsherelaxedagainsttheseat,drainedofrage.‘I’vebeen…tense.AndIdon’twanttogetanytenser.’
Iwantedtosaysomethingfunny,butshehadagun.
Shedrovewell.Istudiedherstyleforawhileasshepassedtrucks,slowedfortemporarybarriers,andhitsharpcorners.IlovebeingdrivenbyadriverItrust.It’sarollercoaster,withfatalrisk.
Thewindscreenwasabubble,movingthroughspaceandtime.Treeshadowsarchedoverthecaraswepassed,tryingtocomfortusastheforestsendedandfencedhousesbecamebeadsandbaublesonanotherchainofcivilisation.
‘Ishotaman,yesterday,’shesaid,afterawhile.
‘Afriendoranenemy?’
‘Doesitmakeadifference?’
‘Hell,yeah.’
‘Hewasanenemy.’
Wedroveinsilence,forawhile.
‘Didyoukillhim?’Iasked.
‘No.’
‘Couldyouhavekilledhim?’
‘Yes.’
‘Themercyoutweighstheshame,’Isaid.
‘Fuckyou,’shesaid.
‘Allthatcursingisn’texactlyinlinewithIslam,isit?’
‘It’sinEnglish,itdoesn’tcount,andI’maMuslimcommunist,’shesaid.
‘O…kay.’
Shepulledthecarintoaroadsidestopamidfieldsofflowers,sprungfromsoddenearth.Shelookedaround,andturnedtheengineoff.
‘DidMehmulookwell?’
‘Hedid.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah,Ilikehim.Alot,actually.’
Shesobbed,suddenly,tearsfallingasfreelyastheraindropsthatbegantospatterthewindows.
Justasquicklysherecovered,driedhereyes,andbegantoopenthebagofsandwiches.
Shecriedagain,andcouldn’tstop:somethinginsideherwasallofit,everythingatonce.Ididn’tknowwhatitwas:Ididn’tknowher.
Isawthenew-moonchipsofnailpolishnearhercuticles,thebruiseonherface,aboutthesizeofaman’sring,thecutsonherownknuckles,thefragranceoffreshsoapinherclothes,hand-washedinahotelbasin,thebagonthebackseat,carryingessentialsforaquickescape,andthequickescapeshemadeeverytimehereyesdetectedthatImightbelookingintoher,andnotjustather.
Butobservationonlytookmetoatough,brave,devoutgirlontherun,who’smeticulousinherhygiene,butwon’tcleanthelastcolouredfragmentofthegirlshewasfromherfingernails.Thewhyofherwasstillamystery,becausethewhyofanyoneonlycomeswithconnection
Ifelthelplesstoconsoleher.Thereweretissuesinthebag.Ihandedthemtoher,oneatatime,untilthetearsdriedandthesobbingstopped,astherainallaroundusstopped.
Wegotoutandstoodbythecar.Itippedastreamofwaterfromabottleintohercuppedhands,sothatshecouldwashherface.
Shestoodthereforawhile,breathingairscentedbywhiteflowers,clingingtovinesallaroundus.
Wegotbackinthecar,andImixedacigarettejoint.Shewouldn’tpassitbacktome,soImixedanother.Shewouldn’tgivethatbackeither,soImadeacouplemorecigarettes.
Mindsfloatedfreeacrossfieldsofgreenvelvettomemory’sgreenerpastures:thatplace,inside,wherethesoulisalwaysatourist.AndIdon’tknowwhatmemoriesdancedforBlueHijab,inthoseminutes,butformeitwasKarla,turningandtwirling,asshedancedattheparty.Karla.
‘I’mstarving,’BlueHijabsaid.‘Andbytheway–’
‘Iknow.IfIspeakawordofthistoanyone,you’llshootme.’
‘Iwasgoingtosay,thankyou.Butdamnright.Passmeasandwich.’
Shestartedthecar,andeaseditoutoftheparkingbay.
‘Youdon’twantmetotakeoverforawhile?’
‘Idrive,’shesaid,headingoutontothehighwayagain,atspeed.‘Ialwaysdrive.Givemeasandwich.’
‘Whatkinddoyouwant?’
‘GivemeoneofthoseI-don’t-give-a-fucksandwiches.Yougotoneofthose?’
‘Awholesack,asitturnsout.’
Sheneverspokeagainonthetrip.Sometimesshemutteredzikr,phrasesspokeninremembranceofGod.Once,shebrokeintoachorusfromasong,onlytofadeagaininafewbars.
Andwhenwestopped,beforetheroadswervedintotheentranceoftheairportinColombo,shesimplyturnedtheengineoffandstaredatme,inacontinuationofthatlongsilence,asstrangeasitwassurprisinglysad.
‘I-muh’sinina,’Isaid.
‘Thedoersofgood?’shetranslated.
‘Youweresayingit,whileyouweredriving.’
‘Doyouhaveasecondpassport?’
‘Ofcourse.’
‘Getthefirstflightoutthatyoucan.Gethome,asfastasyoucan.Doyouhearme?’
‘Gethome,asfastasIcan.Okay,Mummy.’
‘Beserious.Doyouneedanything?’
‘Younevertoldmehowthemissionwascompromised.’
‘AndIwon’t,’shesaidevenly.
‘You’retighterwithastorythanaReuterscorrespondent.Anyoneevertellyouthat,BlueHijab?’
Shelaughed,andIwasgladtoseeit.
‘Go.Now.’
‘Wait,’Isaid.‘Ihavesomethingtogiveyou.ButifIdo,youhavetopromisemesomething.’
‘What…something?’
‘PromisemenottoshootMehmu…again.Atleast,notforsomethingconnectedtome.Iliketheguy.’
‘Imarriedtheguy,’shesnarled.‘Butokay,okay,Iwon’tshoothim.I’vealreadyshothimtwice,andheneverstopswhiningaboutit.’
Itookthesmallautomaticfrommypocket,tookthespareshellsfromtheotherpocket,andhandedthemtoher.
‘Ithinkhewantedmetogiveyouthis,’Isaid.
Shecradledthesmallguninherpalms.
‘Mehmu,mehboob,’shemuttered,thentuckedthegunawayintoanotherofthepocketsinthepleatedcurtainofherblackskirt.‘Thankyou.’
Istoodfromthecar,stoopingtosaygoodbye.
‘He’saveryluckyman,’Isaid.‘Allahhafiz.’
‘Muchluckier,nowthatIpledgednottoshoothimagain.Allahhafiz.’
Shedroveaway,andImademywayonfootuptheentranceramptotheairport.
Inforty-fiveminutesI’dcheckedin.Iwaslucky,orBlueHijab’stiminghadbeenperfect.Ionlyhadanhourtowait.
IfoundaplacewhereIcouldwatchthepeoplewalkingpast,lookatthefaces,studythewalk,seetensionorempathy,lethargyorurgency,listentothetenorofalaughorashout,feelababy’scryripplethroughtheheartsofalmostallwhohearit:astillmomentinapublicspace,watchingandwaitingfortheexpressionorcadencethatwritesitself.
Amancametositbesideme.Hewastallandthin,withabushymoustacheandslicked-backhair.Hewaswearingayellowshirtandwhitetrousers.
‘Hello,’hesaidoutloud,andthenchangedtoawhisper.‘Weshouldgreetoneanotherasfriends,andgotothebar.I’myourcontacthere.Itwilllooklesssuspiciousifwe’rehavingadrink.’
Heofferedhishand.Itookit,drawinghimincloser.
‘Ithinkyou’vemadeamistake,Jack,’Isaid,holdinghishandfastinmine.
‘It’sokay,’hesaid.‘BlueHijabcalled,andgavemeyourdescription.’
Ireleasedhishandandwestoodtogether,pretendfriends.
‘Herdescriptionwasperfect,’hesaid.‘Shereallystudiedyou.’
‘Somehow,thatdoesn’tfillmewithreassurance,’Isaid,aswewalkedtotheairportbar.
‘Hell,no,’hereplied,throwinganarmaroundmyshoulder.‘WithBlueHijab,it’sbettertokeepittofuzzyrecollections.’
‘Whatisit,withthecommunistconnection?’
‘Whenyou’relookingforfighters,theenemyofyourenemyisagoodplacetostart.’
‘Whatdoesthatmean?’
‘Ican’tsayanymorethanthat.’
Wetalkedthewaitingminutes.Hetoldmestoriesthatmight’vebeentrue,andIlistenedwithwhatmight’vebeenbelief,andthenIcuthimoffbeforehestartedanewstory.
‘What’sthisallabout?’
‘Whatdoyoumean?’
‘Nobodyhasanexitcontactattheairport,’Isaid.‘AndBlueHijabsaidIwascompromised.What’sgoingon?’
Helookedmeoverforawhile,andseemedtoconcludethatmypatiencewasdriftingtowardastorm.Itwasagoodcall.
‘Ican’tsayanything,’hesaid,lookingaway.
‘Youcan.Andyoushould.Whatthefuckisgoingon?’
‘Goingon?’
‘Isthereathreattomeinthisairport,ornot?AmIindanger?AmIgonnagetbusted?Spititout,orspityourteethout.’
‘Youarenotindanger,’hesaidquickly.‘Butyouarethedanger.Iwassenttowatchyou,thatyoudidn’tdoanythingcrazy.’
‘Crazy?’
‘Crazy.’
‘Crazy,like,what?’
‘Theydidn’tsay.’
‘Andyoudidn’task?’
‘Nobodyasks.Youknowthat.’
Welookedatoneanother.
‘Whatwereyougoingtodo,ifIdidsomethingcrazy?’
‘Smoothitoverwiththeauthorities,andgetyououtofthecountryandbacktoBombayasquickaspossible.’
‘That’sit?’
‘Iswear.AndIdon’tknowanymore.’
‘Okay.Okay.I’msorryforthatcrack,aboutspittingyourteethout.IfeltlikeIwaswalkingintoatrapforaminuteortwothere.’
‘Youarenotindanger,’hesaidcomfortingly.‘Butdonotgodirectlytoyourhousewhenyoureturn.’
‘Whatdoyoumean?’
‘JustreporttotheCompanyassoonasyoureturn.’
‘Doesthishavesomethingtodowithhowthemissionwascompromised?’
‘Idon’tknow.Sanjaywasveryspecificaboutreportingtohim.Veryspecific.Buthedidn’texplain.’
Myflightwascalled.Weshookhandsagain,andheslippedawaythroughthecrowds.
Itookmyseatontheplane,andhadtwodrinksbeforetake-off.I’ddonethejob.Itwasover.ItwasmylastmissionfortheSanjayCompany.Iwasfree,andmyheart,thefoolinthatcastleinthesky,sangallthewaytothirtythousandfeet.ChapterThirty-Five
IarrivedinBombaylate,butLeopold’swasstillopen,andIknewDidierwouldprobablybethere.Iwantedareport.Thetall,thinairportcontacthadtoldmetogodirectlytotheCompany,whichwasunusual.IhadastandingappointmentwithSanjay,twenty-fourhoursafterIreturnedfromanymission.Itwasamandatorycooling-offperiod,incaseIwasbeingfollowed,andSanjaynevervariedthatroutine.Butnothingaboutthejobwasusualpolicy,andnoneofitmadesense.BeforeIwenttomyapartment,orSanjay,IwantedDidiertotellmeeverythingthathadhappenedwhileI’dbeenaway,andwhereLisawasstaying.
AndDidiergavemeareport,butnotthere.
Wetookataxiinsolemnsilence.Didieransweredeveryquestionwitharaisedhand.Westoppedataquietplace,withaviewoftheshrineatHajiAli.
‘Lisaisdead,’hetoldme,besidethewindysea,‘fromanoverdoseofdrugs.’
‘What?Whatareyousaying?’
‘Sheisgone,Lin.’
‘Fromdrugs?Whatdrugs?’
‘Rohypnol,’Didierrepliedsadly.
‘No.No.’
‘Yes.Yes.’
‘It’snotpossible.’
Howcouldshebedead,Ithought,andmenotfeelit,notknowitsomehow,notsenseit?
‘Itisafact,myfriend.Sheisnomore.’
Splintersoflosttimestabbedatme.AllthethingsIshould’vesaidandshould’vedonewithLisa,alltheminutesIdidn’tusetocherishher,everythingstabbedmeinthechest.Iwasn’tthere,withher,attheend.
‘Itcan’tbetrue.’
‘Sadly,itistrue,Lin.’
Ifeltmykneeswantingtorun,orgiveway.AworldwithoutLisa.Didierputanarmaroundme.Werestedagainstthepromenadewall.
Aforceoflifedrainedawayfrommeintotheair.AtomsofloveseparatedfromtheSource,becausetheworldwasturningtoofasttoholdthem.Theskywashidingbehindblackcloaksofcloud,andthecity-lightonthewaterwastheoceancrying.Somethinginsidemewasdying,andsomethingelse,aghost,wastryingtofreeitself.
Ichokedabreath,slowingmyfranticheart,andfacedmyfriend.
‘Herfamily?’
‘Theywerehere,’hesaid.‘Verynicepeople.’
‘Didyoutalktothem?’
‘Idid,andtheytalkedtome,untiltheyfoundoutthatIwasyourfriend,aswellasLisa’s.Iamsorrytotellyou,Lin,buttheyblameyou,inpart,forLisa’sdeath.’
‘Me?’
‘Ispoketothemaboutyou,foryou,andforyouandLisatogether,buttheydidnotbelieveme.Theydonotknowyou,soitiseasierforthemtoblameastrangerthantoknowthetruth.Theyleftthecityyesterday,withthebodyofoursad,sweetLisa.’
‘She’sgone?Theytookherhome?’
‘She’sgone,Lin.Iamsosorry.Iamdesolate.’
Carspassedusinswarmsbetweentrafficsignals,leavingthewideboulevardopenandthenemptyagain.Allalongtheseawallpeoplesatalone,incouplesorinfamilies,mostofthemgazingattheHajiAlishrine,floatingontheseaandlitforthesoul.
‘Whathappened?Tellmeeverythingyouknow.’
‘Youaresurethatyouareready,myfriend?Couldwegetdrunkfirst?’
‘Letmehaveit.’
‘CouldIgetdrunkfirst?’
‘Didier,comeon.’
‘Ilovedher,too,youknow,’hesaid,takingasipfromhisflask.‘AndI’vebeenthroughquiteanordeal,theselastfewdays,withoutyou.’
Heputtheflaskaway,tookhisbrasscigarettecasefromhispocket,andselectedajoint.Smokingpeacefullyforafewmoments,heofferedittome.
‘I’mgood.’
‘You’regood?’hedoubted,offeringthejointagain.
‘I’mnotgood,butI’mokay.I’m…not-good-okay.Tellmewhathappened.’
‘Itwasthenightafteryouleft.I–’
‘Thenightafter?That’sfivedaysago.’
‘Itriedeverythingtofindyou,Lin.TheSanjayCompanywouldnotsayaword,andIcouldnotfindAbdullah.Ithinkthatwhereverheis,hestilldoesnotknow,asyoudidnot.’
Abdullah,myheartsaid.Whereareyou?
‘He’llbehurt,’Isaid.‘HelikedLisa,andshealwayslikedhim.’
‘Verymuchso.ShewashisRakhisister.’
‘HisRakhisister?Shenevertoldmethat.Andneitherdidhe.’
ARakhiisasimplebraceletthatagirlcantieonaboy’swrist,indicatingthatfromthatdayonwardshemustbehaveasherbrother,anddefendherstaunchly.Thebraceletisasymbolofthenewbrother’svictory,wheneverhefightsforherhonour.
‘IwasherRakhibrothertoo,Lin.’
‘Whendidthathappen?’
IhadnoideathatLisaevenparticipatedintheRakhiceremony,letalonethatshe’dchosenAbdullahandDidierasRakhibrothers.
‘Anditismyfaultthatshedied,’hesaidquietly.‘Ifailed,inmydutytoprotecther,whileyouwereaway.’
Hesmokedforawhile,refusingtears.Helookedatmeonce,andstartedtospeak,butwhenoureyesmetheturnedaway.Webothknewitwastrue:I’dleftherinhiscare,andhe’dpromisedtowatchoverher.
Astreetsweeperscrapedhisbroomagainstthekerb.Helookedupatme,andnoddedamiably.Iwatchedhimswishandstep,swishandstep:abaysideboulevard,measuredinsweepsofabroom.
‘Shepulledaprankonme,’Didiersaid.‘Anditwasnotfairofhertodosuchathing,becauseItrustedher.’
‘Goon.’
‘We…wewerewatchingaselectionofexcellentFrenchfilms,whichIhadchosenforherpersonally,whenshesuddenlydevelopedaheadache.Sheretiredearlytobed,andsentmeouttobuyacertainmedicine.WhenIreturned,IdiscoveredthatIhadbeentricked.Ifoundanote,sayingthatshewasattendingaparty,andwouldreturnatdawn.’
Hesighed,shakinghishead,astearsfell.
‘Wheredidshego?’
‘IlearnedthatshewasatapartyforBollywoodmoviestars,somewhereinBandra.YouknowhowmanypartiesthereareinJuhuandBandraeverynight,andhowlatethosepartiesrun.Ididnotexpecthertoreturnbeforedawn,soIdecidedtoremainawake,duringthenight,withGemini,whoneversleeps,andwaitforhertocallme.Ileftmessageseverywhere,includingwithyourwatchman.’
‘You’resayingwhat,Didier?Youweresupposedtokeephersafe,andshe’sdead,andIdon’tgetit,sofar.’
‘Youareright,Lin,tocondemnme.’
WhoamI,tocondemnanyone?Ithought.AndLisahadplayedalotoftricksonme,too.Afewtimesshe’dleftmewonderingforalongtimewhereshewas,andwhatshewasdoing.
‘Okay,okay,Didier.Igetit.Lisaknows…Lisaknew…howtoescape.Shewasgoodatit.It’snotyourfault.Tellmetherestofit.’
‘Ileftmessagesforher,asIsaid,andIwenttoplaypokerwithGeminiGeorge,attheMahesh.IwasplayingcardswhenourLisadied.OneofthestreetboyssentanotetomethatLisahadjustbeenfound,dead.Iwasdesolate.’
‘And.’
‘Whentheautopsywasperformed–’
No.No.Lisa,cutopen,organsremoved.Don’tthinkofit.Don’tpictureit,inyourmind.
‘Anautopsy?’
‘Itwas…itwasnotpleasant,’Didiersaid.‘Thepolicereportconfirmedthatshediedfromanoverdoseoftranquillisers.Shewasalone,whenshewasfound.’
‘Rohypnol?’
‘Rohypnol,’Didierfrowned.‘Didyoueverknowhertouseit,recreationally?’
‘Never.Itdoesn’tmakesense.Shedidn’tdotranqs.Shehatedthem,asmuchasIdo.Shedidn’tevenlikeitwhenotherpeopledidthem.’
‘Thepolicecalleditsuicide,atfirst.Theythinkshetookafataldoseofthedrugintentionally.’
‘Suicide?Noway.She’safighter.’
‘Shewasafighter,Lin.Sheisnomore.’
Ishadn’tbecomewas,yet.Lisawasstilltoostrong:Icouldhearherteasinglaugh,everytimeIletmymindgotoher.
‘DerelictasIwasinmyduty,whenshewasalive,’Didiersaid,‘Iensuredthatthewordsuicidewasremovedfromtherecordofherdeath.Herdeathisruledasaccidental,involvinganaccidentallyfataldoseofthetranquilliser,Rohypnol.LightningDilipmademepayatidysumforit.Thatpolicestationshouldestablishitselfasabank.Iwouldbuyshares,iftheydid.’
‘Whofoundher?Thenightwatchman?’
‘No,Lin,itwasKarlawhofoundher.’
‘Karla?’
‘ShesaidthatshehadalaterendezvouswithLisa,atyourapartment.Whenshearrived,shefoundthedooropen,walkedinside,andfoundLisa.Shealertedthewatchman,andhecalledanambulance,andthepolice.’
‘Karla?’
Thegroundwastrembling,asifthewavesweresweepingoverthewallandthroughtheroadinmurmuredsecrets.
‘Yes.Itwasaterribleshockforher,butshewasatowerofstrength,astheEnglishsay.’
‘What…whatwasthat?’
‘ThepolicequestionedKarla…quitephysically,infact.Iadvisedhertoleavethecity,forsometime,butsherefused.ItwasKarlawhohelpedLisa’sparentsthroughthewholeofthething.’
‘Whenwasthelasttimeyouspoketoher?’
‘Thelasttime?Yesterday.TherewasasmallserviceforLisaattheAfghanChurch,andshewasthere.’
‘Aservice,forLisa?EventhoughLisawasgone?’
‘Yes.Karlaorganisedit.’
Itwastoomuch,toomanyhitsinasingleround:toolongtothebellandasafecorner.
‘Karladidit?’
‘Shediditalone,infact.Whenshementionedtheideatome,Iofferedtohelp,butshetookchargeofitherself.’
‘Whoelsewasthere?’
‘Herfriendsfromtheartgallery,afewofusfromLeopold’s,Kavita,Vikram,JohnnyCigarandhiswife,NaveenAdairandDivaDevnani,theZodiacGeorges,andStuartVinsonandhisNorwegiangirlfriend.Lisa’sparentshadalreadyleftthecity,withherbody,soitwasaquietaffair.’
‘WhospokeforLisa?’
‘No-onespoke.Wejustsat,silently,andthenonebyoneweallleftthechurch.’
Yesterday,whenIshould’vebeenthere,withotherswholovedLisa.ButyesterdayIwasstaringataseveredhead,onthesideoftheroad.Yesterday,Iwasbeingwarnedbymytall,thincontactattheairportnottogohome.
Youarenotindanger,he’dsaid.Ihadn’tbeenpayingattention.Ihadn’trealisedthatwhathe’dsaidwasspecifictome.He’dhesitated,afterthefirstword,forjustaneyelidflicker:You,arenotindanger
HewastellingmethatIwasn’tindanger,butthatsomeoneelsewas.Didheknow?DidhealreadyknowthatLisawasdead,whenhemetmeattheairport?
AndthenIrememberedBlueHijab’stears,thesadnessinthem,thelong,silentstare,whenshedroppedmeattheairport.DidsheknowaboutLisa?
Ithappeneddaysago.TheSanjayCompanyknew,forsure:theykneweverythingthathappenedintheirward.IguessedthatSanjaywasworriedImightfindoutaboutLisasomehow,attheairport,andlosecontrol.Hesentthethinman,incaseIfoundoutaboutLisa,andcompromisedhismission.
‘Ihavedonesomeresearch,withNaveenAdair,’Didiersaid,examiningmeclosely.
ThegroundwasmovingormykneesweremovingasifIwasbackonthedeckoftheMitratta.Icouldn’tfocusonwhatDidierwassaying.Therewasocean-soundinmostofmymind.Lisa.Lisa.Lisa.
‘Lin?’
‘Sorry,what?’
‘Ihavebeencheckingsomefacts,withNaveen.’
‘Whatfacts?’
‘ItisnotpossibletodeterminehowtheRohypnolcametobeinLisa’shands,butwedidfindoutwhosuppliedit.’
‘Youdid?How?’
‘Weexaminedthepillsfromtheevidencelocker,andtheyhaveverydistinctivemarkings.’
‘Youstolepoliceevidence?’
‘No,ofcoursenot.Iboughtpoliceevidence.’
‘Welldone.Whosedopewasit?’
Hehesitated,squintingatme,anetofconcerncoveringhisface.
‘IfItellyou,willyoupromise,truly,thatyouwillnotkillhimwithoutme?’
‘Whoisit?’
‘Concannon,’hesighed.
Thatslipperyslideshiveredthroughthestreetagain.Iheldthewalltighter,tostopfalling.Icouldn’ttellifIwasdizzy,ortheworldwasunbalanced.Everythingwasoutofsync.
Ilookedaroundme,tryingtogetmyheadstraight.Thenightwasnew-moonclear.Thestarswerepaledcitylight.Behinduscarspassedinshoals,asfishpassedinshoalsbeforeus,inthebay.
‘Shewasnotraped,’Didiersaid.
‘What…didyousay?’
‘Whenthisdrugisinvolved,thereisalwaysasuspicionofrape,’hesaidsoftly.‘Thepolicereportsaidthattherewasnosignofrape.I…thoughtyoushouldknowthat.’
Ilookeddownatthewaves,lappingandsplashingonbouldersatthebaseoftheseawall:wavescleaningshellsanddriftwoodtwigsfromstonyteeth,andsoothinggraniteshoulderswithpatience,softenedinthesea.
Thewaveslaughed.Thewavescried.Thatgloriouslivingsecond,endingaswind,andsea,andearth:thewaveslaughed,andcried,callingme.Iwasfalling,hard.Ihadtogetagrip.Ihadtopullmyselftogether.Ineededmymotorcycle.
‘Ihavetogohome,’Isaid.
‘Ofcourse.Iwillcomewithyou.’
‘Didier–’
‘Whydoyoualwaysfightaffection,Lin?Itistrulyyourgreat,personalflaw.’
‘Didier–’
‘No.Whenafriendwantstodoalovingthing,youmustallowhim.Whatislove,butthis?’
Whatislove,butthis?
Thewordschantedthemselvestomeinthetaxi,andonlystoppedwhenwereachedtheapartment,andsatdownwiththenightwatchmantoaskaboutLisa.
Hecriedforher,andforwhatwewereforhim:alwayshappy,kindandgenerous,oneveryfestivalandnameday.
Whenhecalmeddown,hetoldmethatLisahadreturnedaroundanhouraftermidnight,withtwomeninablacklimousine.
Oneofthemenreturnedtothecar,afterfifteenminutesorso,anddroveaway.Theothermanleftaboutanhourlater.Karlaarrivedafewminutesafter,andcalledthewatchman.
‘Didyouknowthemen?’
‘No,sir.’
‘Whatdidtheylooklike?’
‘Onewasaforeigner.Hewasthefirstonetoleave.Hehadaloudvoice.Hewaswalkingwithtwosticks,andhewasshoutinginpain,likemaybehehadabrokenleg.’
‘Ormaybetwofreshbulletwoundsintheleg,’Didierobserved.
‘Concannon.Andtheotherman?’
‘Ineversawhisface.Helookedawayfromme,andhecoveredhismouthwithahandkerchief,comingandgoing.’
‘Didhehaveacar?’
‘No,sir.Hewalkedaway,veryfast,inthedirectionofNavyClub.’
‘Didyougetthenumberofthecar?’
‘Yes,sir.’
Hewentthroughhislogbook,andgavemethenumber.
‘I’msosorry,sir.Ishouldhave–’
‘Yourjobistoguardthegate,nottheapartments.It’snotyourfault.Shelikedyou.Verymuch.AndIknowyouwould’vesavedher,ifyoucould,justlikeIwould’vedone.It’sokay.’
Igavehimachunkofmoney,askedhimtokeephiseyesopenforthecops,andclimbedthestepstomyapartment.
Iopenedthedoor,walkedthroughthelivingroomandsteppedintothebedroom.Thatplaceofquarrelandlove,forus,hadbecomeatombforLisa,alone.
Themattressshe’dboughtbecauseshelikedtheseahorsepatternonthecoverwasstrippedbare,butfortwopillowsatthehead,andapairofLisa’swell-worn,well-lovedhempsandalsatthebase.
Afteraminute,IstoppedstaringattheplacewhereLisa’sbreathhadfaded,andceased,andstopped,anddied,andImovedmyeyesaway.
Theroomwasclean,andempty.Everythingofherswasgone.Ilookedatthefewthingsofminethatremained.
Theredmovieposter,Antonioni’sBlowUp,artandabandonbecomingdeathanddesire,andthewoodenhorseheadonthewindowsill,mybelts,strungonasuitstandinthecorner,thesword,intwopiecesinthewallunit,andafewbooks.
Anditwasall:alltherewasofmeintheapartment.WithoutLisa’sflowersandpaintingsandcolouredsarongs,theplacewe’dcalledhomewascold,andalone.Whatiscivilisation?Idrissonceremarked.It’sawoman,freetoliveasshewants.
‘Thereisapictureofher,indeath,onthatbed,’Didiersaid,standinginthedoorway.‘Itisinthepolicereport.Doyouwanttoseeit?’
‘No.No.Thanks.’
‘Ithoughtitmightconsoleyou,’hesaid.‘Shelookedvery,verypeaceful.Asifshesimplywenttosleep,forever.’
Welistenedtothesilence,echoingoffthewallsinourhearts.Justthethoughtofthatpicture,ofherdeadsleep,mademystomachchurnwithdread.
‘Youarenotsafe,Iamafraid,Lin,’Didiersaid.‘Thepoliceareveryhotforyou.IftheycometoknowthatyouhavereturnedtoBombay,theywillcomehere,lookingforyou.’
Hewasright:rightenoughtoshakemeawake.
‘Givemeahand,’Isaid,beginningtowrestletheheavychestofdrawersawayfromthewall.
Wepushedthechestwideenoughtoexposethefalsebackpanel.Itlookeduntouched.Ireleasedthecover.
‘Haveyougotamanyoucantrusttoholdmyguns,alotofmoney,somepassportsandhalfakeyofthebestKashmirithateverrolleddowntheHimalayas?’
‘Yes,fortenpercent.’
‘Ofthemoneyonly?’
‘Ofthemoney.’
‘Done.Callhimhere.’
‘Imustinsistthathebringssomethingtodrinkwithhim,Lin.Doyouknowhowmanyhoursithasbeen,sinceIlastmadecontactwithalcohol?’
‘Youdrankfromyourflaskthreeminutesago.’
‘Theflask,’hesighed,geniustochild,‘doesnotcount.ShallItellhimtobringfood,aswell?’
‘Idon’twantanyfood.’
‘Good.Foodisforpeoplewhodon’thavethecouragetotakedrugs.Andfoodkillshalfofthealcoholeffect.Therewasatestdoneonadrunkenmouse,once,orperhapsitwasadrunkenrat–’
‘Justcallhim,Didier.’
Istuffedafewbundlesofrupeesinoneinsidepocketofmydenimvest,andabundleofUSdollarsintheother.IcutapieceofftheKashmirikey,andputtherestbackinthecompartment.Istrappedonmyknivesintheirscabbards.
Aftersnappingthecoverinplace,Ishovedthechestagainstthewallagain,incasesomeoneotherthanDidier’smanenteredtheapartment.
Didierwasintheopenkitchen,searchingthroughthecupboards.
‘Notevencookingsherry,’hemuttered,andthenhesawmeandsmiled.‘Myman,Tito,willbehereinhalfanhour.Howareyou,myfriend?’
‘Not-good-okay,’Isaidabsently.
Iwaslookingattherefrigerator.ThephotographsthatLisahadtapedtothedoor,photographsofherthatshe’daskedmetotake,weregone.Stripsofcleartaperemained,framingemptyspaces.
She’dinsistedontape,insteadofmagnets.Ihatemagnets,shesaid.They’resuchtreacherousthings
‘Herparents,’Didiersaid,‘gatheredeverythingthatwashers,andtookitwiththem.Thereweremanytears.’
Iwenttothebathroomandwashedmyfacewithcoldwater.Itdidn’twork.Ifellforwardonmykneesatthetoilet,andemptiedeverydark,acidthingthatwasinsideme.
Didierfoundme,anddidtherightguything.Hebackedaway,andleftmeinpieces.
Iwashedupagain,andlookedintothemirror.
AphotothatLisahadpushedinthetopofthemirrorframehadbeentornaway.Lisa’sfacehadbeenrippedfromthepicture,andonlymyfoolish,smilingfaceremained.Itookitdown,toreitupandthrewitinthebin.
Sittinginthelivingroom,DidierandIdrankstrong,blackcoffee,andsmokedstrong,blackKashmiri.ItwasLisa’sstash:herperfect,heavenlyhigh,onlyforthemostspecialoccasions,whichwaswhyI’dhadtohideitwithmythings.
Andwhenthebrandyandthefoodarrived,withTito,wedrankatoast,withLisa,totheloved.
Titohelpedmeshovetheheavychestawayfromthewallagain.
‘Nice,’hesaid,whenhesawtheguns,passportsandmoney.‘Tenpercent.’
‘Done.’
Hebegantostuffthebundlesintoasack.
ItwasmysafetynetintheIslandCity,thestakeIwasbringingtothetableasapartnerwithDidier:everythingIownedthatwasn’tinmypockets,ormypack.
Titowasabouttotiethesackclosed,butIstoppedhim.
‘Waitaminute.’
TherewasaplaceIhadn’tlooked,andthatthepolicemight’veoverlooked.Therewasagas-firedhotwaterheaterinacloset.Lisahadmadeashelfontopoftheheatertodryoutsometrippingmushrooms,whichafriendhadbroughtfromGermany.
Iopenedthedoorandsearchedontopofthepanel.Therewasashoeboxintheback.IsawthewordsREASONSWHYwrittenontheendpanel.
Ipulledittowardme,feelingaroundinside,andmyhandshiveredthroughkeepsakesandpicturesasifthroughreedsinapond.
Theyweresimplethings:athin,silverscarfshe’dworn,thefirsttimewemet,awind-upchild’stoy,abrassZippolighterthatDidierhadgiventousasahousewarmingpresent,andthatshecouldn’tbeartoletmeuse,forfearthatImightloseit,whichIwould’vedone,adogwhistlethatsheusedwheneverwewalkedonMarineDrive,soshecouldgettheattentionofeverydogshepassed,apaperweightI’dmadeforherfromsilverrings,andascatterofstones,shells,pictures,amuletsandcoins.
Itwasaboxofnothings,bitsofstuffthathadnovalueormeaningforanyoneelseintheworld.Andisn’tthatlove,Lisa,Ithought,lookingattheboxofcharms.Whenitmeansnothingtoanybodyelse,anditmeanseverythingtous,isn’tthatlove?Didn’twelove,Lisa?Didn’twelove?
IputtheboxinTito’ssackalongwiththepiecesofKhaderbhai’sswordandthepairofLisa’shempsandals.Hetiedittightly,andslungitoverhisshoulder.
‘What’syourfamilyname?’Iaskedhim.
Iwasstudyinghisface.Itwasanimportantface.Hehadallmyworldlygoodsinhishands,andwe’dknowneachotherfourteenminutes.Iwantedtorecognisethatface,nomatterhowitchanged.
‘Deshpande,’hesaid.
‘Takecareofourpercentages,MrDeshpande.’
‘Notension,’helaughed.
Weshookhands.HenoddedtoDidier,andtrotteddownthestairs.
‘So,howdowekillhim?’Didierasked,pouringameasureofbrandy,afterTitoleft.
‘Killwho?’
‘Concannon,ofcourse.’
‘Idon’twanttokillConcannon.Iwanttofindhim,andmakehimtellmewhoboughtthatdopeoffhim,andgaveittoLisa.’
‘Iwouldrecommendthatwedoboth,’hemused.
‘IneedtotalktoNaveen,’Isaid.‘Canyoucallhim,andsetitup?IhavetoreporttoSanjay,earlyintheafternoon.TellNaveenI’llmeethimatfive,atAfghanChurch,ifhecanmakeit.’
‘Certainly.DoyouknowwhenAbdullahreturns?’
‘No.’
‘Youneedhimnow,insidetheCompany.’
‘Iknow.’
Ilookedaroundtheroom,andintothebedroombeyond.
‘I’mgonnasleephere,tonight.’
‘Surelynot?’Didierprotested.‘Itisnotsecure.Iknowaplace,nearMetro.Themanagerhasasplendidcollectionofmaniasandobsessions.Youwilllovehim.Letmetakeyouthere,now.’
‘I’mgonnasleephere.’
‘You,myfriend,are–’hebegan,butthenlaughed.‘Well,ifthereisnopersuadingyou,thenDidierwillsleepinthisplaceofsuchsadnessandsorrowwithyou.’
‘Youdon’thaveto–’
‘Didierinsists!Butonthecouch,ofcourse.Andthankmyforesight,inaskingTitotobringtwobottles.’
Isleptonthefloor,besideLisa’sbed,withthepillowthatwashers.Didiersleptlikeachild,hisarmsandlegsflungwide,onthecouch.
MorningstumbledintoacoldbreakfastofthefoodIcouldn’teatthenightbefore,andbrandywithadashofcoffeeinit.
Wecleanedthekitchen,andDidierjoinedmeatthedooroftheapartmentthathe’dvisitedsooften:thatplacewherelovehadlaughedforthelasttime.
‘I’mashamed,’hesaidsoftly.‘I’msoashamed,Lin.’
‘Shameisthepast.Ifitisn’tnow,itsoonwillbe.’
Hethoughtforamoment.
‘That’soneofKarla’s,isn’tit?’
‘Ofcourse.’
Weboththought,forawhile.
‘Whenyouseeher–’
‘Didier.’
‘No,Iwasgoingtosay,whenyouseeKarla,begentlewithher.’
‘I’lltalknicetoKarla.IalwaystalknicetoKarla.IwanttoaskherhowcomeshewastheonewhofoundLisa’sbody.YoujustgetallthoseeyesandearsofyoursonConcannon,Didier.AndsetitupformewithNaveen.Arewegood?’
Iwastryingtomove,tryingtoescapefromthecageofsorrow,andDidierknewit.Westoodinsilenceforawhile,staringattheemptyrooms,beforehespoke
‘Iamnot-good-okay,myfriend.Shallwe…Imean,ifyouwillpermitit,Iwouldliketosaysomewords,forLisa,hereatthisdoorthatwewillneveropenagain.’
‘Niceidea.Goahead.’
‘Lisa,welovedyou,andyouknewthat,inyourheart.Welovedyoursmile,andyourfreemind,andyourhabitofdancingfornoreason,andyourcheatingatcharades,andthewayyoulovedusall,everytimeyousawus.Butmostofall,welovedyoursincerity.Youneverfakedit,Lisa,asyouAmericanssay.Youwerealwaystherealperson.Ifthereisanyessenceofyourspiritlingeringhere,comeintoourhearts,now,andstaywithus,whenweleavethisplacewhereyouleftus,sothatwecancarryyouinsideus,andalwaysloveyou.’
‘Didier,’Isaid,afterawhile.‘Thankyou.Thatwasreallynicelyput.’
‘Ofcourse,’hereplied,pullingmethroughthedoor,andclosingitforthelasttime.‘IfyoucouldonlyhearthewordsthatIhavepreparedforyou,mydearfriend.’
‘YoualreadywrotelinesforwhenI’mdead?’Iasked,takingthestairs.
‘Didiershouldnotbecaughtonthehop,astheysay.Especiallyifitconcernsabelovedfriend.’
‘I…guessnot.Haveyoucomposedfarewellsforallyourbelovedfriends?’
‘No,Lin,’hesaid,aswereachedthecourtyardofthebuilding.‘Onlyyou.Ihaveonlywrittensuchwordsforyou.WhatIsaidjustnowforLisa,itwasfrommyheart.Andyou,mystill-livingfriend,areattractinginterestfrombookmakers,readytogiveoddsonyoursurvivaloutsidetheSanjayCompany.’
Ilookedbackattheapartmentbuilding.Withoutherbodytoseedead,andbelievedead,theapartmentwe’dsharedwasallIhadofher,andwhatwewere.Ithadbeenalight,happyplaceforbothofus,mostofthetime.ButIknewthatformealone,everytimeIsawitwouldbeaconversationwiththeghostofGod.ChapterThirty-Six
ItwashardertogetintoRanjit’smediaheadquartersthanitwastobreakoutofprison.Afterthreelevelsofsecurity,eachonecheckingmyVISITORtagandnonecheckingmymetal,Ifinallyreachedhisprivatesecretary.
‘ThenameisShantaram,’Isaid,forthefourthtime.‘It’saprivate,andpersonal,matter.’
Shepickedupaphone,spokethemantra,andthenopenedthedoor.
Ranjitrosefromhisleatherchair,extendinghishandoverthedesk.Thesecretaryleft,closingthedoor.
‘Sitdown,’Isaid.
‘Whatdoyou–’
‘Allthatsecurity,andno-onethoughttoaskmeifIwascarryingagun.’
‘Agun?’hegasped.
‘Sitdown.’
Hesatdown,hishandsfloatingontheglass-toppeddesk.
‘Where’sKarla?’
‘Karla?You’rehereaboutKarla?’
‘Where’sKarla?’
‘Why?’
‘Pickupthephone.’
‘What?’
‘Pickupthephone,andcallKarla.’
‘Whydon’t…whydon’tyoucallher?’
‘Idon’tlikephones.AndIdon’tneedone,becauseIcanmakeyoucallherforme.Youseethat,right?’
‘See…what?’
‘CallKarla.’
‘I–’
‘CallKarla.’
‘Youcallme,’Karla’svoicesaidfrombehindme,‘andIcome.’
Shewassittinginanarmchairinacornerofthelargeoffice.Pottedpalmsbesideherchairhadhiddenherfromsight.
Sheseemedangry,andverygladtoseeme.I’dwalkedintoafightthey’dbeenhaving.
‘Hello,Karla.Inthecornerforbadbehaviour?’
‘RanjitandIhaveanewagreement,’shesaid,lightingacigarette,shaftsoflightanddarkonherfacethroughthepalmleaves.‘Ifwefindourselvesinthesameroom,wesitasfarapartaswecan.’
‘Areyoudonehere?’Iasked,staringintoqueens.
Ranjitlaughed.Ifacedhim.Thelaughstoppedsoquicklythathealmostchokedonit.
‘Whatareyoulaughingat?’
‘I…well…I…reallyhavenoidea.’
Hewasterrified.Itdidn’tmakesense.Sure,I’dmentionedagun,butIwasn’tcarryingone,andKarlawasthere,andshewas.Hewassafe,buthewassweatinghard.
‘Youknowthatexpression,whereyoutellsomeonetheylooklikethey’veseenaghost?’
‘I…Isuppose,’hereplied.
‘Well,youlookliketheghost.’
‘The…ghost?Whoseghost?’
‘What’swrongwithyou?’
‘You…saidyouhadagun.’
Hewasshaking.
‘Isaidthatno-onethoughttoaskmeifIwascarryingagun.Ididn’tsayIhadone.’
‘Well,yes…Imean,no.’
‘Isthereanythingyouwanttotellme,Ranjit?’
‘No!’hesaidquickly.‘Nothingatall.’
‘WhatdoyouknowaboutLisa’sdeath?’
‘Nothing.Nothing.Thepoorgirl.Atragicaccident.Thatis,Imean…nothingatall.’
‘Goodbye,Ranjit,andpleasedon’twaitup,’Karlasaid,standing,andwalkingtothedoor.
Iopenedthedoorforherandwelefttheoffice.Ranjitwasstillsittinginhischair,hishandssplayedonthedeskasifhewastryingtostopitfloatingaway.
Whentheelevatordoorsclosed,shetookoutaflask,drankasip,closeditandturnedtome,allqueens.
‘DoyouthinkIhadsomethingtodowithherdeath?’
‘What?’
‘Thecopsdid.Workedmeoverprettygood.OnlyleftbruiseswhereIwon’tshow.’
Ifeltmystomachdrop.Angerfilledtheemptyinside.
‘LightningDilip?’
‘Hesendshisregards,’shesaid.
Thedoorsopenedonasmallcrowdinthelobby.Shestoppedmeinthedoorway,blockingthepeople.Ourfaceswereinchesapart.
‘Ididn’thaveanythingtodowithit,’shesaid.‘IwouldneverhurtLisa.Orletanyoneelsehurther.’
‘Ofcoursenot,’Ireplied,butshewasalreadygone.
Imademywaytothedesk,hurledthevisitortagacrossthecounter,andbouncedthroughpeopleuntilIfoundKarla,unruffled,alittlewayfromthefrontentrance.
WerodetotheBandrasea-face.Sheclungtomyback,herfacepressedintome,aready-to-diepassenger.
Icould’vegonetoadozenplacescloser,butIneededtoride.Whenwestopped,nearthesea,Iwasascalmasthewavesonthebay.
Wewalkedthatlittlesmileofthecoastinthemiddayheat,butwewerecomfortable:twoforeignerswho’dlearnedtoloveasun-blessedcity.
‘Wehadadate,’shesaid,aswewalked.
‘Wehadadate?’
‘No.’
Ithoughtaboutit.
‘YouandLisahadadate?’
‘Yeah.’
Wewalkedonforawhile,andthenIgotit.
‘Youmean,youandLisahadadate-date?’
‘Kindof.’
‘Kindof?’
‘Kindof.’
‘There’snokind-ofdate-date.’
‘Therewasalwaysthis…thingbetweenus,youknow–’
‘Athing,huh?’
‘Onherside,sure.’
‘Andthisthingtookyoutherethatnight?’
‘Shesaidshewantedtohavealittlebooze,andalottafun,oralottabooze,andalittlefun.’
‘I’mnotunderstandingthis.’
‘Itwasherplan.’
‘Whatplan?’
‘IsaidI’dgothreeorfourdrinkswithher,andseewhathappenedafterthat.Shesaidyouwerecoolwithit.’
‘Really?’
‘Yeah,’shefrowned.
Wewalkedonafewmorestepsinsilence,ourshadowsclingingtous,hidingfromtheheat.
‘Andwithyou,andthedate-date?Wasthatserious?’
‘Notforme,’shesmiled,andthenfrownedhergazeatourfeet.‘Lisawasaflirt.Shecouldn’thelpherself.Iplayedalong,becauseshelikeditwhenIdid.’
‘I’msorry,Karla.I’msorryIwasn’theretostopthis,andtostopyoubeingtheonetofindher.IfIcouldtakethatfromyou,Iwould.’
‘Theonlybeautythepasthasisthatitcan’tbechanged.Therewasnothingyoucould’vedone,andthere’snothingyoucandonow.’
‘It…must’vebeen…sohard,findingher.’
‘Thedoorwasopen,’shesaid,staringatherfeet.‘Shewasonthebed.Ithoughtshewasasleep.ThenIsawhowstillshewas,andthebagofpills.Ishookher,butshewasgone.Cold.Igotthewatchmantocalltheambulanceandthecops,butshewasgone,Lin.Shewaslonggone,poorbaby.’
Iputmyarmaroundher,andshesettledintome,assoftlyasmarried.
‘Whowaswithher?’Iasked.‘Whogaveherthestuff?’
‘Idon’tknow,yet.I’vebeentryingtofindout,butIhaven’tmixedinthosecirclesforawhile.’
‘Whenthecops…workedyouover,didtheyletanythingslip?’
‘Onlythattheywantyourassprettybad,’shesaid.‘Thatcameinclearasabootonthespine.AndIcouldseetheirpoint.Let’sfaceit,youvanishfromthecity,andyourgirlfrienddies.Orwasittheotherwayaround?’
‘Waitaminute,’Iasked,pullingmyarmawayfromhertolookintohereyes.‘Youcan’tthinkI’dhurtLisa?Youcan’tthinkthat.’
Shelaughed.Itwasthefirsttimeshe’dlaughedsinceI’dseenherinRanjit’soffice,sittingbehindtheplants.
‘It’sgoodtoseeyoulaugh,Karla.’
‘It’sthefirsttimesinceIfoundher.I’vebeenuncomfortablynumbforawhile,andhazingpurplemostofthetime.Ofcourseyouwouldn’thurther.Iwouldn’tloveyou,ifyoucould.’
Sheturnedtothesea,thewindclearingherfaceforthesun.Thebreezemadelinesofsea-foammusicandfrothynotesonparallelwavesinthemouthofthebay.
‘Karla,whatthehellhappened?Whatdoyouthinkhappened?’
‘Itoldyou,Idon’tknowyet.Wherethefuckwereyou,anyway?’
WherewasI?
Click-clack.Severedhead.BlueHijab.
‘Ihadajob.HaveyouheardanythingfromAbdullah?’
‘No,buthehasmynumber,andhealwayscallsmewhenhegetsbacktotown.’
‘Abdullahhasyournumber?’
‘Ofcourse.’
‘Idon’thaveyournumber.’
‘Youdon’tusephones,Shantaram.’
‘That’snotthepoint.’
‘Andthepointis?’
‘Well–’
‘I’mnotgoingbacktoRanjit,’shesaidquickly,notsmiling.
‘What?Imean,good,butwhat?’
‘I’malreadycheckedinattheTaj.’
‘TheTaj?’
‘Mythingswillarrivebyevening.’
‘You’renotgoinghome,toRanjit?’
‘Letmetellyou,ifyou’regonnamakeamove,Shantaram,thisisyourtime.’
Theworstpartofbeinginlovewithawomanwho’ssmarterthanyouare,isthatyoucan’tstopcomingbackformore,which,asithappens,isalsothebestpart.
‘What?’
‘Whatdidyoutellme,once,’sheasked,notwantingananswer,‘aboutbefore,andafter?’
‘I…ah…’
‘Afterjuststarted,Lin.Afterstartedtoday.Youcan’tgohome.Iwon’tgohome.Theonlyquestionis,areyouinitwithme,orinitwithoutme?’
Ifeltstupidnotunderstandingwhatshewastellingme,andlookingbacknow,IguessIwas.ButIdidn’tknowwhatdecisionsshe’dmade,orwhyshewastellingmethen.
Secondsfell,polleninthewind.Itwaseverything.Itwasnothing.
‘WejustlostLisa,’Isaid.‘WejustlostLisa.’
‘Lisawould–’
Shecutherselfoff,laughedagain,andgavemeabouteightunhappyqueens.
‘Jesus!’shesaid.‘AmI…actually…tryingtotalkyou…intocomingwithme?’
‘Well,I–’
‘Fuckyou,’shesaid.
‘Fuck…me?’
Shestoodquickly,andhailedataxi.
‘Waitaminute,Karla.’
Shegotinthecab,anddroveaway.
Isprintedtothebike,androdetoofastandtoolooseuntilIfoundhercab.IfollowedherallthewaybacktotheTajhotel,ridingaroundhercabandtryingtocatchhereye.Sheneverturnedtolook.
Iparkedthebike,andwatchedherclimbthewidestepsandwalkintothehotel.Iwenttothereservationsdesk,andleftanoteforher.
IrodeawayfromtheproudgalleonoftheTajhotelthroughriversoftraffic,andquestionedeverymanorwomanIcouldstilltrustaboutConcannon.Icheckedgamblingdens,opiumparlours,countryliquorbars,hashhangoutsandnumbers-racketcorners.Ididn’tlearnmuch,butstreetvoicesconfirmedthatConcannonwasrunningaheroinfranchisefortheScorpionCompany.
EveryonecalledthemtheScorpionCompany,ratherthantheScorpionGang:everyonerecognisedtheirstatusasafullmafiaCompany.
IhadtoreporttoSanjay.IhadastandingappointmentfortwointheafternoononthedayaftermyreturnfromSriLanka,whateverthedate.
Nodoubt,Sanjayhadexpectedmetoreportsooner.Hewouldn’tbeinagoodmood.Butthatwasokay.SincethedeathofhisfriendSalman,Sanjaydidn’thaveagoodmood.
IparkedthebikeinarowofmotorcyclesoutsideKCCollege.Igavetheparkingattendantahundred-rupeenote,andaskedhimtokeephiseyesopenfordangeroustypes.
‘They’recollegekids,’hesaidinHindi.‘They’realldangerous.Whoknowswhatthey’lldonext?’
‘Moredangerousthanthekidsare.’
‘Oh,okay.Yougotit,’hewinked.
Iwalkedthehalf-blocktoSanjay’smansion,andrangthebell.AnarmedAfghanguardopenedthedoor,recognisedmeandusheredmeinside.
IfoundSanjayinthebreakfastroom,attheendofthehouse.Arowofwindowslookedoutonadistressedgarden,boundbyhighwalls.Sanjaywasinhispyjamasandadarkbluedressing-gownwithamonogrammedpocket.
Abreakfastbigenoughforthreebighenchmencoveredthetable,butSanjaywasdrinkingtea,andsmokingacigarette.
Therewasonlyonechairintheroom,andSanjaydidn’trisefromit.
‘Goodwork,’hesaid,lookingmeupanddown.‘Butthen,youalwaysdidgoodwork,didn’tyou?Yourmoney,forthisjob,willbedeliveredtoyou.Allyourthingsfromthepassportfactoryhavebeenremoved.They’reinthatredcase,nearthefrontdoor.Thatleavesonlygoodbye.So,goodbye.’
‘Howwasthemissioncompromised?WhydidIcomehomeearly?’
Hestubbedoutthecigarette,tookasipoftea,placedthecupverydelicatelyonthesaucerandleanedbackinthechair.
‘YouknowwhyI’mgladtoseeyougo,Lin?’heasked.
‘BecauseyouthinkI’mmadeforbetterthings?’
Helaughed.I’dknownhimforyears,butI’dneverheardthatlaughbefore.Itmust’vebeenonehesavedfortherightgoodbye.Thenhestoppedlaughing.
‘Because,you’renotateamplayer,’hesaidgrimly,‘andyouneverwillbe.You’reablacksheep.Lookaroundyou.Everyonebelongstosomethingorsomeone.You’retheoddmanout.Youdon’tbelonganywhere.Youdon’tbelongtoanyone.Andnow,youdon’tbelonghere.’
‘WasitbecauseLisadied?Isthatwhyyouhadamanattheairport?’
‘LikeIsaid,you’renotateamplayer.Therewasnowaytoknowhowyou’dreact.YouwereinMadras,whenithappened.’
‘Whendidyouknow?’
‘Fiveminutesafterthecops,ofcourse.Butyouhadalreadystarted,andthejobwastooimportanttostop.’
‘Fiveminutes?’
‘Youneverusethephone,soIknewtherewasagoodchanceyouwouldn’tcometoknowaboutit.Itwasmydecisiontokeepitquietuntilthejobwascomplete,anditwasmydecisiontohavecontactsforyou,everystepoftheway.’
‘Yourdecision.’
‘Yes.Ifyoudon’tlikeit,well,youknow,there’salwaysthefuck-youoption.’
‘Youdidn’ttellmethatmygirlfrienddied.’
‘You’retheonewhowantedtokeepheroutofthefamily.Itwasyourchoicethatwenevermether,whenweknowtheMothers,sistersandwivesofeverybrotherintheCompany.’
Ilookedathim,angryenoughtofighthim.Myheartwasthumpingtribalmusic.Iwonderedhowmanytimesleaderslivedthroughmurderoussecondslikethose,withouteverknowingthatDeath,Himself,hadbeenluredintotheroomonafalsealarm.
‘Youstillhaveafaintshadowofmyprotection,’Sanjaysaid.‘Itcoversyou,becauseitwouldnotlookwellforme,ifaformeremployeewaskilledinthefirsttwoweeksthatheleftmyservice.Buttheclockisticking.Don’tmakemebrushthatshadowfromyourbacksooner.Now,getthefuckoutofhere,andletmefinishmybreakfastinpeace.’
Iopenedthedoorandwasabouttoleave,buthespokeagain.Theyalwaysspeakagain:theyalwayswantthelastword,evenwhentheyalreadyhadit.
‘I’msorryaboutyourgirl,’hesaid.‘It’sasadbusiness.Mustbehellforherfamily.Butdon’tletyourfeelingspushyouintohastyaction.TheCompanywillletyouburn,thenexttimeyoufuckup.’
IleftthemansionandrodetothefoodstandsforofficeworkersatNarimanPoint.Iwasstillangry,andhungry.Standingwithdozensofothers,Iatehotbreadrolls,filledwitheggs,friedpotatoesandspicedvegetables,anddrankapintofmilk.
I’dbeenskippingmeals,andduckingsleep.Ihadtoworkout.Ihadtostaysharp.EverystreetguyinthesouthwouldknowwithinhoursthatIwasofficiallyoutoftheCompany.Therewereafew,withgrudges,who’donlyheldbackbecauseIwasaCompanyman.Theycouldcomeoutsnapping,whentheyknewIwasalonewolf.
Halfanhour’srideawayonthatcoldriveroftruthwasagym,inWorli.Someabandonedmillcomplexeshadbeentransformedintobeautyparloursandhealthcentres.AretiredgangsterfromtheSanjayCompany,namedComanche,hadsetupagymthereashishomeandplaceofbusiness.
Hewasafriend,astand-upgangster,andwe’dfoughtwithknivesagainstrivalgangstogether,twice,andbeencutbothtimes.That’sstuffyoudon’tforget
Comanchewasatrueindependent,allowingmembersofanymafiaCompanytoexerciseinhisgym,andcopsaswell,solongasno-onesaidawordagainsttheSanjayCompany.
Istrippedtojeansandboots,andpushedweightforanhour.Halfanhourofshadowboxinggavemeacool-down.
Thekidsinthegym,alllocalandpoor,wereshyatfirst,althoughdoingtheyoungmanhoodthingofmakingsureIclearlyunderstoodtheyweren’tafraid.WhentheysawthatIwasokay,theyjoinedintheshadowboxingwithme,traininghard.
Showered,dressedandrefreshed,Ilookedinthespottedmirror.
Myeyeswerebright,andclear.Calmsettledonmelikeflakesofautumn.Whenallelsefails,thesignabovethemirrorsaid,steelitout
‘Youneedalatmachine,’IsaidtoComanche,passinghimenoughmoneytobuyanewlatmachine.
Comanchelookedatthemoney.
‘Thatwasanexpensivetrainingsession,’hesaid,frowning.
‘Lovedeveryminuteofit.Butputalittlewindowinthere,yaar.Ifsomeoneeverforcesmetoimaginewhatasnake’sassholesmellslike,Inowknowwheretostart.’
‘Fuckyou,’helaughed.‘Seriously,what’sthemoneyfor?’
‘I’mhopingyou’llconsideritamembershipfee.’
‘ButCompanymenarefree.Youknowthat.’
‘I’mnotwiththeCompanyanymore,Comanche.I’mfreelance,now.’
Ihadn’tsaidittoanyonebutaclosefriend,andaftersolonginthebrotherhooditsoundedstrange,eveninmyownears.
‘What?’
‘I’mout,Comanche.’
‘But,Lin,it’s–’
‘It’sokay.Sanjay’sgoodwithit.Happy,infact.’
‘Sanjay’s…Sanjay’s…goodwithit?’
‘Ijustcamefromthere,man.He’sgoodwithit.’
‘Heis?’
‘Myword.’
‘Okay.’
‘But,I’llneedanewplacetotrain,nowthatIcan’tusetheCompanygym.So,howaboutit?Willyouhavemeasamember?’
Hewasconfusedandafraid,buthewasafriend,andhetrustedme.Hisfacegraduallysoftened,andheextendedhishand.
‘Jarur,’hesaid,shakinghands.‘You’rewelcomehere.ButIhavetosay,you’dbewisertoleaveBombay,man,underthecircumstances.’
‘Maybe,brother,’Isaid,walkingaway.‘ButwouldSheletmego?’ChapterThirty-Seven
Karlawillbepleased
toacceptthecompanyofShantaram
at8pm,inhersuite.
Itwaswritteninherhand:theprecise,fluentscriptIlikedmorethananyothercalligraphicstyleI’deverseen.Iwantedtokeepit,butIwastradingpuncheswithadirtyworld:ifanenemyputhisfingersonthenote,I’dwanttobeathimforit.
Isatonthebike,burnedthenote,andthenrodeslowlytowardAfghanChurchtomeetwithNaveen.
Iparkedthebikebehindanearbybusstand.WhenIwaswiththeSanjayCompany,Iparkedonanyfootpathintown.Asafreelancer,Iparkedmybikeoutofsight.
Thecommemorationnaveinthechurchfeatureddustyflagsandpennants,withstoneinscriptionstosoldierslostintwoAfghanwars.
Itwasamilitarychurchandabattlechapel,erectedasamonumenttothefallen.Therewerestillgroovesinthepewsforunforgottensoldierstoresttheirrifleswhentheyprayed,beforeandafterobeyingtheordertokillAfghans,apeoplewhoselanguagetheycouldn’tspeak,andwhoseculturetheycouldn’tunderstand.
Themournfulchurchwasalmostempty.Anelderlyladywassittinginarearpew,readinganovel.Amanandaboykneltontheapproachtothealtar.Thecircleofstainedglassabovethealtarseemedtofloatabovetheirheads.
NaveenAdairwasexaminingthebrasseaglesupportingtheBiblestand.Hewasyoung,butconfident.Hishandswerebehindhisback,respectfully,buthisstepwasstrongashepacedbackandforth:ayoungman,fullyinhabitingthespaceofhislife.
Hesawmewatchinghim,andfollowedmetothedesertedgardenbehindthechurch
Wesatbeneathatree,onasupportmadeofstoneandcement.
Itwasquiet.Thefadinglightofeveningbecamethestained-glasslightofthealtarwindowaboveourheads,lightingthedarkgardenbelowwithchurch-light.
‘I’msosorryaboutLisa,man,’hesaid.
‘Me,too.Naveen,gimmeaminute,willyou?’
Ihadtobequiet,foraminute.
Ihadtothink,foraminute.
Ihadn’tstopped,tothink.AndnowthatI’dstoppedtothink,Iwasthinking.
Lisa.Lisa.
‘Whatdidyousay,Naveen?’
‘…andthepolicereport,that’swhatweknow,sofar,’Naveensaid.
Ihadn’theardanyofitbutthelastwords.
‘Sorry,Naveen.I’mnotreallywithit.You’llhavetorunthatbymeagain.’
Hesmiledatme,agoodfriend,feelingbad.
‘Okay.But,listen,standupfirst.’
‘Comeagain?’
‘Standup,man.’
‘Whatfor?’
‘Standup,forfuck’ssake.’
Hestoodup,pullingmeupwithhim.
‘Givemeahug,’hesaid.
‘No,I’mgood.’
‘Allthemorereason.Comeon,givemeahug.’
‘I’mreally,reallygood.’
‘Fuckit,man,yourgirlfrienddiedaweekago.Givemeahug,yaar.’
‘Naveen–’
‘EitheryouhugtheIndianinme,oryoufighttheIrishmaninme,’hesaid.‘There’snootherway,inasituationlikethis.’
Hewasholdinghisarmsout.Therewasnootherway.
Hehuggedmelikeabrother,likemybrotherinAustralia,anditwasbad.
‘Letitgo,’hesaid,asmytearsfellonhisshoulder.‘Letitgo.’
Tears,inagardenofstainedlight:tearsontheshoulderofavolunteerbrother.
‘Fuckyou,Naveen.’
‘Letitgo.’
Iletitgo,andthenIlethimgo.
‘Youfeelbetter?’Naveenasked.
‘Fuckyou,Naveen.Andyeah,Ido.’
Wesatdownagain,andhetoldmethelittlethatheknew.Itdidn’taddmuch.
‘Where’sConcannonrunningthedopegig?’
‘Idon’tknow,’hesaid,smilingforthefirsttime.‘Doyouwanthim?’
‘Iwanttotalktohim.’
‘Talk?’
‘Talk,thenlisten,whilehetellsmewhowentwithhimtoLisa’sthatnight.’
‘Youdon’tthinkitwasConcannonwhogaveLisathedrugs?’
‘Heleft,accordingtothewatchman,afterfifteenminutes.Thesecondmanwasthereforalmostanhour.Iwanttoknowwhothesecondmanwas.’
‘Okay.I’llgetonit.’
‘Thewatchmangavemethenumberoftheblackcartheycameinthatnight,’Isaid,handinghimthenumberI’djotteddown.‘Ifyoucoulddetectiveouttheownerforme,itwouldhelp.’
‘I’llhavetheownerforyoutomorrow,butitmightnothelp.Lotsofpeoplehavecarsregisteredunderotherpeople’snames.’
‘DidiersetupaplaceformeattheAmritsarhotel,onMetro.Youcanleaveamessagethere,orI’llbeatKayani’s,tomorrow,betweenoneandtwo.Okay?’
‘Youleftyourplace?’
‘Idid.AndI’mnotgoingback.’
‘Whereareyougoingnow?’
‘IhavetomeetKarla,ateight.I’mgonnabuyashirt,andcheckinattheAmritsar.Whatareyoudoing?’
‘IhavetopickupDiva,atseventhirty.I’mfreetillthen.MindifIcomealong?’
‘I’dbegladofthecompany.’
Werolledthebikeoutfrombehindthebusstop,Ikickedtheenginehappy,andheclimbedonbehindme.
‘I’vebeenlearninghowtoride,’hesaid.
‘Uh-huh.’
‘I’vegotmyeyeonthistricked-outvintage350.It’sdamncool,andreallyfast.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Andtheracerboyshavebeenteachingmehowtostuntride.’
‘Theracerboys,huh?’
‘Yeah.RichkidsonimportedJapanesebikes.They’reDiva’sfriends.Andgoodriders.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘WouldyoulikemetoshowyouwhatIcandoonyourbike?’
‘Naveen,don’tevertalkaboutmymotorcyclethatwayagain.’
‘Gotit,’helaughed.‘Butjustwaittillyouseemine!’
WerodealongFashionStreet,whereastallholderinadrive-by-shirt-shopbroughtanewshirtandacoupleofT-shirtstothebike,andthenwerolledontotheMetroJunction.
Iparkedthebikeinanalleywaybehindthehotel’sfa?ade,whichpassedbeneathanarch,connectingthesecondtofourthfloorsofthewholeblock.
TheAmritsarwasinacurvedbuildingthatfacedthejunctionlikeacliff-face,risingfrompelagiantrafficswirlingaroundthevastintersection.
Atgroundlevel,thereweresportinggoodsshops,officesupplyoutlets,amusicstore,andKayani’srestaurant,servedbythealleybehindthehotel’sfa?ade
Atthesecondfloorandup,thewholebuildingwasconnectedbyanetworkofcorridorsandhiddenstairways,leadingfromshutteredstreetbalconiestothelastprivateapartment,attheendofacityblock.Ifyouknewyourway,youcouldbeinanotherpostalcode,inthesamebuilding,whilethecopsorotherbadguyswerestillbangingonthedoor.
ItwasrumouredthattheAmritsarhadtwenty-oneexits.Iwashappywiththree.Thefirstthingthatamanontherundoesinanynewplaceisfindtheexits.BeforeIwenttothedesk,IexploredthebuildingwithNaveen.Ifoundthreesuitablehastyexits,leadingtothreedifferentplacesonsurroundingstreets.Nice.
WhenNaveenandIreachedthereceptiondeskwefoundDidier,rollingdicewiththehotelmanager.Herosetohugme.
‘Lin,’hewhisperedinthehug.‘Iamabouttowinadiscountonyourrent,beforeyouareevenaregisteredguest.’
‘Let’spaytherentfirst,’Iwhisperedback,‘andyoucanwinthediscountlater.’
‘Shrewd,’hesaid,pullingapartagain.
Icheckedinwithoneofmyfalsepassports,andtookalookatmynewrooms.
Therewasalargelivingroom,withabedroomandbathroomleadingfromitthroughhigh,woodendoors.Akitchenettefilledonecorneralcove.
AtthefarendoftheroomtherewasanarchwayofFrenchdoors,leadingtoashadowedbalcony.Iwalkedthrough,openedtheshutters,andlookedoutatthebusyjunctionbelow.
Theviewwassuperb:agiantchild’stoy,woundupandwhirlingthroughitscycleoflight,soundandmovement.BeyondwerethetreesoftheBombayGymkhana,theirleafyshadowsmakingatunneloftheroad.
Ilookedaroundmeandsawthattherewereonlyshort,flimsypartitionsbetweenmybalconyandthetwosetsofroomsbesideit.Theroomslookeddeserted.
Thehotelmanagerwasstandingbesideme.
‘Anyoneinthenextrooms?’Iasked.
‘Notatthemoment,butwe’vegottwopartiescomingtomorrow.’
‘Tomorrownevercomes,’IsaidinHindi.‘We’reherenow,andwe’dliketotakeallthreeofthesefront-facingsuitesforayear,cashinadvance.’
‘Suites?’themanagerandDidiersaid,atthesametime.
‘Suites,’Isaid.‘Allthree.Fromtonight.Ayearinadvance.Arewegood?’
‘Holdonaminute,’themanagersaid.‘Ijusthavetocheckwithmygreed.’
Hepaused,forabit,withathinkingface,andthenmadeuphismind.
‘Whatdoyouknow,’hesaid,‘we’resuddenlyunbooked.’
You’vegottolikeamanwhoanthropomorphiseshisowngreed:attheveryleast,it’saconversation.
‘What’syourname,sir?’
‘Jaswant,’hesaid.‘JaswantSingh.AndhowshallIcallyou,sir?’
‘Justcallmebaba.Isthatokay?’
‘Sure,sure,baba.Noproblem.Ayear,yousaid?Inadvance?’
Ipaidthemoney,andheleftusalonetogothroughtherooms.
Wetookdownthetemporarybarriersbetweenbalconies,andwalkedallthewayaround,fromhotelroomtohotelroom.
‘Whydoyouneedthreeoftheserooms,Lin?Irefusetocallthemsuites.’
‘Thewallsattheendsofthesebalconiesaresealed,Didier.IfIhaveallthreesuitestomyself,nobodycansneakupthatway.’
‘Isee,’hesaid.
‘ButIonlyneedtwoofthem.Theotheroneisforyou,Naveen,ifyouwantit.’
‘Forme?’Naveenasked.
‘Youhaven’tgotanofficeyet,haveyou?’
‘No.Iworkfrommyapartment.’
‘Well,nowyouhaveanoffice,detective,ifyouwantit.’
HelookedatDidier,whoshruggedasmile.
‘Thisjustoccurredtoyounow?’Naveenasked.
‘Yeah.’
‘Becauseyouhaveanextraroom?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Iloveit.You’reon,’Naveensaid,shakingmyhand.‘Nicetohaveyouattheotherendofthebalcony.’
Didierjoinedus,placinghishandsonours.
‘Thisisthebeginningofsomethingvery–’
‘Shit!’Naveensaid,breakingaway.‘She’llkillme!’
‘Whowillkilladetective?’Didierdemanded.
‘Diva.IfIdon’tpickthespoiltbratupontime,she’llgivemehellfortwodays.Ihavetorun.I’llgrabakeyonthewayout,Lin.Theroomontheright,okaywithyou?’
ItwasexactlytheroomthatIwantedhimtotake.
‘Yougotit,Naveen.’
‘You’regoingtomeetKarla?’Didieraskedme,aswewatchedhimleave.
‘Ateight.’
‘Ihavesomethingstodo,myfriend,soIwillleavenow.ButIwillbeavailableforyoulater,andIwillwaitintheTajforsometime,ifIdiscoveranynews.’
‘Thanks,Didier.’
‘Itisnothing.’
‘No,Imeanit.Theownerofthisbuildingisyourfriend,andthisisoneofyourareas,becausethelocaldonisyourfriend,andthat’swhyI’msafehere.Thanks,foreverything.’
‘Iloveyou,Lin.Please,donotsufferthatIsayit.WeFrenchhavenochainsontheheart.Iloveyou.Wewillsolvethemysteryofsad,sweetLisa,andthenwewillmarchon.’
Heleft,andIstoodineachofthestrange,newroomsI’djustrentedforayear,oninstinct.Itwasmyfirsthome,afterthehomeI’dmadewithLisa.Iwastryingtoliveagain:tryingtoplantanewtree,inanewplace.
Iwalkedbacktothebalcony,foldedmyarmsontherailandwatchedthewheeloflights,red-yellow-white,makingslowfireworkswherefiveavenuesmetanddispersed.
Acrowlandedonmybalconyforamoment,inspectedme,ruffleditsfeathersandflewaway.Agroupofteenagerscrossedwiththesignal,laughingandhappy,ontheirwaytothebudgetshopsonFashionStreet.
Adistanttemplebellsounded,followedbychanting.ThentheAzaanrangoutfromsomewherenearby,clearandbeautifullysung.
Isthistheplace?Iaskedmyself.Iwantedaplace.Anyplace.Iwantedahome.
IsthiswhereIfindit?Iwantedconnection.IwantedtogiveeverythingIhadtoonelove,andbelovedinreturn.
Isithere?Istaredatthecrossroad,hopingforananswer,aswhite,redandyellowlightsmadedragonsfromweavinglinesofcars.ChapterThirty-Eight
Iwasearly,andsowerethestarsarrivingattheTajinlimousinesforagalatopromoteanewmovie.Iparkedthebikebeneathapalmtree,acrossfromthehotel,waitingforsnailminutestomakethelongcreeptoeightandmyappointmentwithKarla.
ThroughthewidedoorsofthelobbyIsawthesponsorwall,withspecialguestsposingforphotographsinfrontofbrandnamesthathadpaidthembythesecond.Flash,flash,turnthisway,turnthatway:themugshotsoftheprivileged,caughtintheact.
Thelimousinesstopped,thephotographershurriedtootherheadlines,andthesponsorwallwasdismantled.Thespacious,graciouslobby,wheregreatthinkershaddiscussedgreatideasonrainyBombayafternoons,forrainydecades,wasbarrenandbusinesslikeagain.
Tohellwithearly.Iwalkedaroundthehoteltoabackdoor,guardedbyamanIknew,andclimbedthepromenadestairstoKarla’sdoor.Iknocked,andsheopenedit.
Herfeetwerebare.Sheworeablacksilkloungingsuit.Itwastrousersandtopallinone,sleeveless,withzippockets,andazipfront.
Herhairwastiedupinaknotbehindherhead.Therewasathin,silverletteropener,intheshapeofaDamascanswordkeepingtheknottogether.Karla.
‘You’reearly,’shesaid,smilingbutnotinvitingmein.
‘I’malwaysearly,orlate.’
‘That’satalent,foramaninyourlineofnot-working.Youwannacomein?’
‘Sure.’
‘Rish!’shecalled,overhershoulder.‘Ourinterviewisover.’
Shepushedthedoorwide,andIsawRish,oneofLisa’spartnersatthegallery.Herushedforward.
‘I’msosorry,Lin,’hesaid,holdingmyhandinbothofhis.‘It’saterribleshock.DearLisa.Aterribleloss.I’m…I’mjustbesidemyselfwithgrief.’
HesqueezedpastKarla,sidesteppedmeandscuttledawaydownthecorridor.Itwasalongcorridor.
‘Amanwho’sbesidehimself,’Karlasaid,asRishscuttled,‘usuallyhasafoolforcompany.Comein,Shantaram.It’sbeenalongday.’
Shewalkedbackintothesuiteandsatonthewindow-seatcouch.
‘Makemeadrink,please,’shesaid,whenI’dclosedandlockedthedoor.‘IloveitwhenIdon’tmakethedrink.’
‘What’llitbe?’
‘I’llhaveaHappyMary.’
‘AHappyMary?’
‘It’saBloodyMary,withouttheredcorpuscles.Androcks.Lotsofrocks.’
Imadethedrinksandbroughtthemtositwithher.
‘Shallwetoast?’sheasked.
‘Torunningawayangry?’Isuggested.
Shelaughed.
‘Howabouttooldtimes,Shantaram?’
‘Tofallenfriends,’Icountered.
‘Tofallenfriends,’sheagreed,clashingglasseswithme.
‘You’vegottasnapoutofit,’shesaid,takingalongsipofherdrink,beforeputtingitdown.
‘I’mokay.’
‘Bullshit.Ijustgaveyoufourleads–fool,happy,blood,androck–andyoudidn’tgoforanyofthem.That’snotyou.That’snotyouandme.’
‘Youandme?’
Shesawmymindworking,andsmiled.
‘WhyareyousodeterminedtofindoutwhogaveLisathedope?’
‘Aren’tyou?’
Shepickedupherglassagain,studieditforawhile,drankoffacoalminer’sfinger,andturnedallthequeensonme.
‘IfIfindoutwhodidit,orifyoudo,I’llprobablywanttokillwhoeveritis.It’sthekindoftruethatmakespeoplekillpeople.Youreallywannagothere?’
‘IjustwanttofindoutwhathappenedtoLisa,that’sall.Ioweherthat,Karla.’
Sheputherpalmsonherthighs,letoutagaspofair,andquicklystoodup.
Shecrossedtheroomtotheescritoire,openedherhandbag,andtookoutabrasscigarettecaseexactlylikeDidier’s.
Withherbacktomeshelitajoint,andsmokeditdoggedly.
‘Ididn’tthinkI’dneedthis,tonight,’shemuttered,betweendeepbreaths.
Myeyesmoveddownherbody,bowingtoher.Hersilhouette,wrappedinblack:lovewasshoutinginsideme.
‘Itwaseitherthis,’Karlasaid,herbackstillturnedtome,‘orbreakingabottleoveryourhead.’
‘Right…whatwasthat?’
Shestubbedoutthejoint,tooktwomorejointsfromthecase,snappeditshut,droppeditintoherhandbagandreturnedtothecouch.
‘Here,’shesaid,shovingthetwojointsatme.‘Catchup.’
‘I’mkindahighalready.’
‘Fuckyou,Shantaram.Smokethefuckingjoints.’
‘O…kay.’
Ismoked.EverytimeImadetosaysomething,shepushedthejointatmeagaingently.
‘Youknow,’Isaid,whensheletme,‘that’stwiceyou’vesaidFuckyoutome,inthesameday.’
‘Ifit’llmakeyoufeelanybetter,’shedrawled,‘sayFuckyoutome,rightnow.’
‘No,I–’
‘Comeon,getitoffyourchest.You’llfeelbetter.SayFuckyou,Karla.SayStopfuckingwithme,Karla.Goon.Tryit.Fuckyou…Karla.’
Ilookedather.
‘Ican’t,’Isaid.
‘Ibetyoucan,ifyoutry.’
‘CanIsayFuckyoutoasunset?CanIsayFuckyoutoagalaxy?’
Shesmiledatmeagain,buthereyeswerefierce.Ihadnoideawhatshewasthinking.
‘Look,’Isaid,‘let’sgetsomethingstraight.IjustwanttoknowwhathappenedtoLisa.Iwantsomekindofresolution,forLisa,andforus.Don’tyouseethat?’
‘It’sasteepslidefromresolutiontoretribution,’shesaid.‘Andalottapeoplerushoffthatcliff.’
‘I’mnotthecliff-rushertype.’
Shelaughed.‘Iknoweverythingaboutyou,Lin.’
‘Everything?’
‘Prettymuch.’
‘Youdo,huh?’
‘Testme,’shepurred.
Ilaughed,andthenrealisedthatshewasn’tkidding.
‘Really?’
‘Smokethefuckingjoint,’shesaid.
Ismoked.
‘Favouritecolour,’shebegan,‘blue,withgreen:leavesagainstthesky.’
‘Damn.Okay,favouriteseason?’
‘Monsoon.’
‘Favourite–’
‘Hollywoodmovie,Casablanca,favouriteBollywoodmovie,PremQaidi,favouritefood,gelato,favouriteHindisong,“YehDuniyaYehMehfil”,favouritemotorcycle…yourcurrentmotorcycle,blessingsbeuponher,yourfavouriteperfume–’
‘Yours,’Isaid,holdingupmyhandsinsurrender.‘Myfavouriteperfumeisyours.You’redamngood.’
‘OfcourseIam.I’mbornforyou,andyou’rebornforme.Webothknowthat.’
Abreezefromthesearuffledthroughtheroom,announcingitselfwithaflourishofsheer,silkcurtains.ItsuddenlyoccurredtomethatI’dbeenintheneighbouringsuite,yearsbefore,visitingLisa.
AmImad?Orwasitjuststupidnottosaythewords,nottotellKarlathetruth:thatIdidn’tunderstandherrelationshipwithRanjit,thatIhadn’tfoundthewaytoopenthefistmylifehadclosedovermemoriesofLisaliving,andthoughtsofherdead?Ididn’twanttobewithKarlawreathedingrief.Iwantedtobefree,tobehersalone.Andthatwasn’tgoingtobesoon.
‘Lisawas–’Ibegan.
‘Shutup,’shesaid.
Ishutup.Shelitthesecondjoint,andpassedittome.Shepaddedovertothesmallbar,grabbedachunkofcubesfromthebucket,andthree-quartersfilledanewglass.
‘You’resupposedtoputtheiceinfirst,’shesaid,pouringvodkaslowlyoverthecubes,‘andaddtheHappyMarywithattention.’
Shetookasip.
‘Ah,’shesighed.‘That’sbetter.’
Shethoughtaboutthingsforawhile.
‘It’sbeenadamnlongday,’shesaidtotheceiling.
‘WhathappenedwithRanjit,Karla?’
Sheflashedalookfromtheangrypartofthefemininedivine.Myheartgotcolderinmychest.Shewasmagnificent.
‘WhatdidIsay?’
Shegritherteeth,asifputtingthemondisplay.
‘Youfinallypeerthroughyourshawlofsorrowstoaskaboutme,andwhatI’mgoingthrough?It’smomentslikethese,Lin,thatgiveFuckyousuchlonglegs.’
‘Waitaminute.Ididn’taskyouaboutRanjitbefore,andaboutwhyyoulefthim,becauseIthoughtitwasobvious.He’saprick.Ijustwantedtoknowiftherewasanythingspecific.Didhethreatenyou?’
Shelaughed,prettyhard,andputtheglassdown.Shecametostandinfrontofme.
‘Standup,Shantaram,’shesaid.
Istoodup.Sheputherfingersintothefrontofmyjeans,andcurledthemaroundmybelt.Shepulledmetowardher.
‘Sometimes,’shesaid,notsmiling,‘Ijustdon’tknowwhattodowithyou.’
Ihadafewsuggestions,butIdidn’tgettomakethem.Sheshovedmebackonthewindowseat,andsatdownbesideme.
‘It’saweek,forus,sinceLisadied,’shesaid,‘butit’sonlyyesterday,foryou.Igetthat.Weallgetthat.Andit’sfreakingyououtthatwedon’tseemtobegettinghowimportantthisistoyou.’
‘Exactly.’
‘Shutup.Kissme.’
‘What?’
‘Kissme.’
Sheputherhandbehindmyneckanddrewourlipsintoasoft,briefkiss,thenpushedmeawayagain.
‘Look,thisisn’taboutRanjit,anditisn’taboutLisa.Iknowyourheartcan’tletgoofthis,becauseIknowyou,andIloveyou.That’s–’
‘Youloveme?’
‘Didn’tIjustsayit,before?I’mbornforyou,andyou’rebornforme.IknewitthefirstsecondIsawyouagain,onthemountain.’
‘I…’
‘ButIalsoknowallyourweaknesses.We’vegotacoupleofthemincommon,whichisalwaysagoodstarttoanyrelationship.ButI–’
‘Relationship?’
‘Whatarewetalkingabouthere,Shantaram,ifitisn’tus?’
‘I–’
‘Backtoyourweaknesses.We’vegotta–’
‘You’remyonlyweakness,Karla.’
‘I’myourstrength.Morethanhalfofitatthemoment,itseemstome.Yourweaknessesarethatyouwhipyourselfwithguiltandsmearyourselfwithshame.I’vebeenwaitingforyoutoevolve,growup,andgrowoutofit.’
‘Well–’
‘You’vemadeprogress,’shesaid,stoppingmewitharaisedhand.‘Nodoubtaboutthat.Butyou’renotthereyet.You’vegotself-esteemissues–’
‘Welldeserved.’
‘Funny.Butit’sokay.Self-esteemissues?Lightweightstuff.Nothingwecan’tfix.I’mhomicidal.Nobody’sperfect.ButLisa’sgone,andnoamountofself-flagellationwillbringherback.Ifitwould,I’dsaveyouthetrouble,andflogyoumyself.Imightanyway,ifyoudon’tsnapoutofit.’
‘Okay,soIlostthethread,there.’
‘LetLisago.Atleastaroundme.IjusttoldyouthatIloveyou.I’veneversaidthattoanyotherman.Ifyouweren’tsonumbwithguilt,you’dreact.’
IkissedherwitheverythingIhad,everythingIwas,andeverythingIwanted.
‘That’sbetter,’shesaid,pushingmeawayagaingently.‘Rightnow,Icanwaitformylover,butIneedmyfriendwhileIwait.There’stoomuchhappening.Ineedyoutocatchup,Shantaram,andgetwiththefaith.Ineedyoutotrustme,becauseIcan’ttellyouanything.Notuntilit’sover.’
‘Whynot?’
‘That’swhy,’shesmiled.‘Becauseyou’recurious,andyou’reloyal.Andsomeofthethingsyouhearaboutme,untilIgetthisdone,mightsoundcrazy,orworse,soIneedyourfaith.’
Shemeantit.Shewascompletelysincere:nogamesortricks.Itwascompelling,beautifulandscary.Ilovedit.Imaginethis,Ithought,allthetime
Shegrabbedmyshirt,andpulledmyfaceclosetohers.
‘Lookmeinthequeens,andtellmeyou’vegotallthis,’shecommanded.‘Because,youknowwhat,Iloveyou,butI’vegottoomuchhappening,atthemoment,toputupwithdramafromtheguyIlove.So,youknow,tellmeyougotthis.’
‘Igotthis,’Isaid,divingintothatpool,thatgreenlagoonsoclose,sodeep.
‘Good,’shesaid.‘Nowgetout.’
‘Yousaythatlikeyoumeanit,’Isaid,standingthere,kindoffloppy.
‘No,I’mjustsayingitwhileIcan.’
‘But,I…’
Wewalkedtothedoorandsheshovedmethrough,nokiss,hugorhandshake.Thedoorclosed,andIwalkedthemarblehallsofthehotelalone.
Whatwashappening?Itwaswrong.Itwasallwrong.
Isprintedbacktoherdoorandrangthebell.Sheansweredimmediately,startlingme.
‘Look,’Isaid,tryingtogetthewordsoutquickly.‘It’syou.It’salwaysbeenyou,sincethefirsttimeI–’
‘–sawyouonthestreet,’sheinterruptedme,leaningagainstthedoorframe.‘Smiling,andabouttowalkinfrontofabus.Irememberyouweresmilingatakidonthepavement.Andtherewasaleapingdogatyourfeet.DoyouknowanythingabouttheTarot?’
‘It’sthatChinesemafiagang,isn’tit?’
Shelaughedhappily.Iheardatemplebellinside.
‘Iknewit,theminuteIyankedyoubackfrominfrontofthebus,’shesaid.‘WhenIlookedintoyoureyes,allthelightswenton.Andtime–’
‘–sloweddown,’Icontinued.‘Forreallylongseconds.Andtheeffect–’
‘–lastedfordays,’shesaid,straighteninguptofaceme.‘Lin,Ijustwantyoutobeinthiswithme,bybelievinginme,butIcan’tinvolveyouinit.Doyousee?’
‘Favouritecolour,’Isaid,tickinganimaginarylistinmyhand,‘corpusclered.’
Sherelaxedagainstthedoorwayagain,thetoo-smartsmilebeginning.
‘Favouriteseason,winter.InBasel,tobeexact.Favouritemovie,KeyLargo,favouritefood,barbecuedsteak,favouritesong,“TheInternationale”,favouritecar,becauseyou’renotintomotorcyclesyet,theChevyCamaro,1967,mattblackwithblood-redinterior–’
Shekissedme.Iclosedmyeyes.Alighthoveredinmymind.Thelightfadedinwaves,fallingbeneaththeworld.Lovelikewater,searchingforthesea.LovelikeTime,searchingformeaning.Lovelikeallthatwas,andeverwillbe.
‘Stopit!’shesaid,pushingmeaway.
Sheputthebackofherhandtoherlips,andwipedawaythesea.Iopenedmymouthtospeak,butsheslappedme,prettyhard.
‘Don’tgetkilled,’shesaid.‘Iwanttodothatagain.’
‘Thekiss,ortheslap?’
‘Both,butmaybeinadifferentorder.’
Sheslammedthedoorinmyface.
Love.Lovelikeamarbleechoinanemptyhotelcorridor.
Didierwaswaitingformeinthelobby.
‘IwasratherhopingyouwouldstaythenightwithKarla,’hesaidasweleftthehotel.
Istopped,andstaredathim.
‘Ionlymean,’hesaid,‘thatIhavedangerousnews.Iknow,now,whereConcannonismakinghisdopebusiness.’
Thenightwaslookingup.AndIwasinjusttherightmood.
‘Howreliableisyourinformation?’
‘Hewasseentheretoday,atthreeintheafternoon.’
‘Whereishe?’
‘InahouseownedbytheScorpions.’
‘OnMarineLinesroad?’
‘Yes.Howdoyouknow?’
‘IfollowedVishnuandhisguysthere,aftertheyslappedmearound.It’soneoftheirhangouts.’
‘Whatareyougoingtodo?’
‘I’mgonnawalkuptothedoor,andringthebell.’
‘Withahandgrenade?’Didierasked,pondering.
‘No.You’regoingtocallVishnu,andtellhimthatI’llvisithim,attentonight.’
‘WhatmakesyouthinkIhavethisVishnu’stelephonenumber?’
‘Didier,’Isighed.
‘Oh,verywell,Didierhaseverynumber,ofcourse,orcanfindit.Butdoyouthinkitwise,towalkintothedenoflions?’
‘Ithinkhe’llwanttotalk.He’satalkativeguy.’
‘Whatmakesyouthinkhewantstotalktoyou,nooffence?’
‘Nonetaken.IquittheSanjayCompany,andI’mstillalive.He’llwanttotalktome.’
‘Verywell,’hesaid.‘Iwillmakethecall.’
Iwatchedhimwalkbackintothehotel,andsignalledoneoftheSikhdoormen.Themanwalkedacrossthecourtyardtojoinmeatthebike.
‘Yes,baba?’heasked,offeringhishand.
Ipassedhimsomemoneyinthehandshake,asI’ddonemanytimesbefore.
‘Fortheboys,whentheshiftisover.’
‘Thankyou,baba.Therewereseveralbigfunctionstonight,withmanydistinguishedguests,sonotmanytips.AnythingIcandoforyou?’
‘KeepaneyeonMissKarla.IfyouhearanythingIshouldknow,I’mstayingattheAmritsar,onMetro.’
‘Thik,’hesaid,rushingtorejoinhiscolleagues.‘Noproblem!’
Didierreturned,hisexpressionthoughtful,afishermanstudyingtherain.
‘Itisestablished,’hesaid.‘Vishnuisexpectingyou.Wedonothavemuchtime.Weneedmoreguns,andmorecartridges.’
Hebegantolookaroundforataxi.
‘I’mnottakingagun.Andyou’renotcoming,Didier.’
‘Lin!’hesaid,stampinghisfoot.‘Ifyoudenymethisadventure,Iwillspitonyourgrave.AndwhenDidiersayssuchathing,itiswrittenonstone.’
‘Mygrave?WhyamIalwaysdyingbeforeyoudo?’
‘Anddanceonit,likeNureyev.’
‘You’ddanceonmygrave?’
‘LikeNureyev.’
‘Okay.You’recoming.’
‘Shouldwenotgetsomeotherswithus?’
‘Whowouldgo?’Iasked,startingthebike.
‘Goodpoint,’heconceded,stilllookingforataxi.
‘Geton.’
‘Pardonme?’
‘Getonthebike,Didier.Idon’twanttorelyonataxi,ifwehavetoleavethatplaceinahurry.Geton.’
‘But,Lin,youknowaboutmymotorcyclehysteria.’
‘Getonthebike,Didier.’
‘Ifcarsfellover,whenwegotoutofthem,Iwouldn’trideincars,either.Itishysteriaandphysicscombined,yousee.’
‘Youdon’thavemotorcyclehysteria,Didier.You’remotophobic.’
‘Iam?’heasked,intrigued.
‘Nodoubt.’
‘Motophobic.Areyousure?’
‘It’snothingtobeashamedof.Alotofmyfriendsaremotophobic.Butit’sokay.There’satreatmentforit.’
‘Thereis?’
‘Getonthebike,Didier.’ChapterThirty-Nine
Iparkedthebikeablockawayfromthemansion,andwaitedinthequietsidestreet.Moonlightwrotetreepoemsontheroad.Athin,blackcatranthroughthestreaksoflightandshadowinfrontofus,sprintingtosafety.
‘Thankyou,Fate,’Didiersaid.‘Ablackcat.Ofcourse.’
Weapproachedthegate.Ipaused,lookingupanddownthelongstreet.Carspassed,butitwasquiet.
‘Yousureyouwanttodothis,Didier?’
‘Howdareyou!’Didiersaid.
‘OkayOkay.Sorry.’
Ipushedopenthegate,andwalkedtothefrontdoor.IwasabouttopressthebuzzerbutDidierstoppedme.Hesmiled,paused,andthenpressedthebuzzerhimself.
Amanapproachedthedoor.Therewerepiecesofstainedglassandfrostedscrollpanelsonthedoor.Isawthroughtheglassthathewasabigman:abigman,walkingslowly,withacane.Hanuman.
Heopenedthedoor,sawme,andsneered.
‘Youagain,’hesaid.
‘TellmeaboutPakistan,’Isaid.
Hegrabbedmyshoulderasifitwasagrapefruit,andshovedmealongthecorridor.Fit,crazy-eyedhenchmenappearedfromroomsattheendofthehall.Goonsappearedonthestairs.Hanumanshovedmetowardadoorneartheendofthehall.
‘Madachudh!Bahinchudh!Gandu!Saala!’theyshoutedbackatme,itchingtorushme.
Everygunintheworldisadeathwish,andtheywereallarmed,andwishingusharm.Iwasscared,becauseIhadn’texpectedguns,andbecauseoutlaws,bydefinition,don’tgobytherules.
Therewasaheavy,hairyguyinawhiteundershirtstandingclosesttomeinthehallway.Heslowlyraisedacrowdpleaser,asawn-offtwelve-gaugeshotgun,andpointeditatme.Hanumanfriskedme.SatisfiedthatIwasn’tcarryingagun,heliftedmyshirttoshowthetwoknivesatmyback,andlettheshirtfallagain,stiflingayawn.Thegangsterslaughed,prettyhard.HeturnedtoDidier,whostoppedhimwitharaisedpalm.HetookhisautomaticpistolfromhispocketandhandedittoHanuman.
Adooropened,alittlewayalongthehallwayinfrontofme.Vishnuwalkedoutintothehall,standingwithhismen.
‘Youdon’tjustwearoutthewelcomemat,’hesaidcalmly.‘Youcremateit.Comein,beforeyoucauseariot.’
Hewalkedbackintotheroom,Hanumanshovedmeforward,andwejoinedVishnuinhisstudy.
Therewasamahoganydesk,twoplushvisitorchairsandarowofwoodenchairsbehindthem.Politicalandreligiousposterscompetedforspaceonthewalls,buttherewerenobooks.Ascreenonthedeskgavedifferentviewsaroundthemansion,oneimageofsecurityafteranother.
VishnupausedattheentrancetospeakwithHanuman.Thetallmanstoopedtolisten,wagginghishead.
WhenVishnurejoinedushewasalone.Itwasveryconfident,orveryfoolish.Hepouredthreebourbonsontherocksandpassedthemtous,takinghisplacebehindthedeskinahigh-backedofficechair.
‘MrLevy,isn’tit?’Vishnuaskedaswetookourseatsinfrontofhisdesk.‘Wehaven’tmet,butI’veheardreportsofyou.’
‘Enchanté,monsieur,’Didierreplied.
‘Mywifeisill,’Vishnusaid,turningtome.‘Sheisbeingattendedbyourdoctor,andtwonurses.That’swhyIkeepherclosetome.That’swhymymenwantedtokillyou,justnow.Becausemywifeisinthishouse.That’swhyI’mthinkingaboutkillingyou.Areyouquitemad,tocomehere?’
‘I’msorrythatyourwifeisill,andthatIdisturbedherpeace,’Isaid,standingtoleave.‘I’llfindanotherway.’
‘Yougiveupsoeasily?’Vishnusneered.
‘Look,Vishnu,Ithoughtthiswasyourgamblingden,yourclub,Ididn’tknowitwasyourhome.I’llfindanotherway.’
‘Sitdown,’Vishnusaid.‘Tellmewhatthisisallabout.’
‘Iknowhowyouwouldfeelifanythinghappenedtoyourwife,’Ibegan,sittingagain,‘becausesomethinghappenedtomygirlfriend.Shedied.Themanwhoprovidedthepillsthatkilledherisunderyourprotection.Icameintoyourclubhousetoaskyoutoletmetalktohim,outonthestreet.’
‘Whydon’tyoujustwaitforhim,outside?’
‘Idon’tlieinwaitforpeople.I’mafrontdoorguy.That’swhyIaskedtoseeyou.Theman’sworkingforyou,soI’masking.’
‘Whatdoyouwanttoknow?’
‘Iwanttoknowwhatheknows.Thenameofthemanwhowaswithhim,theonewhogavemygirlfriendthepills.’
‘Andwhatcouldyougivemeinreturn?’
‘Whateveryouaskofme,thatweboththinkisfair.’
‘Afavour?’
Helaughedagrinatme.
‘It’snotasmallthing,’Isaid.‘Ifyouletmehavetimewiththisman,I’lldoanythingyouaskthatweboththinkisfair.Youhavemyword.’
‘Cigar?’heasked.
‘Nothanks.’
‘Verygracious,’Didiersaid,reachingforone,andinhalingitsfragrance.‘Youknow,Vishnudada,ifyouplantokillus,thisisalmostexactlyhowIwouldchoosetogo.’
Vishnulaughed.
‘Ididsomethinglikethismyself,once,whenIwasseventeen,’hesaid,staringanunsatisfactorysmileatme.‘Icarriedatrayofchaiglasses,allthewaytothelocaldon’slivingroom,putdownthetray,andputmyknifetothedon’sthroat.’
‘Whathappened?’Didierasked,engrossed.
‘Itoldhimthatifhisgoondasdidn’tstopmolestingmysister,I’dcomeback,justassilently,andcuthisthroat.’
‘Didhepunishyou?’Didierasked.
‘Yes,hedid.Herecruitedme,’Vishnureplied,takingasipofhisdrink.‘Buteventhoughitremindsmeofmyyouthfulself,Icannotapproveofwhatyouhavedone,incomingtomyhome.Whoisthisman,undermyprotection?’
‘TheIrishman.Concannon.’
‘Ah,thenyouaretoolate.Heisgone.’
‘Hewasheretoday,monsieur,’Didiersaidquietly.
‘Yes,MrLevy.Butheretoday,gonetonight,thatisthenatureofourbusiness,isn’tit?TheIrishmanleftthreehoursago.Wherehewent,orifIeverseehimagain,Idon’treallycare.’
‘Then,I’lltakemyleave,andIapologiseagain,ifIdisturbedyourwife.’
‘Isittrue,’heasked,wavingmebackintomyseat,‘thatyou’renolongerwiththeSanjayCompany?’
‘Itis,’Isaid.
‘Ifyouwillpermitme,Vishnudada,’Didiersaid,tryingtochangethesubject,‘youdidnotknowthisgirl,whodied.ButIhadthehonourtoknowher.Shewasajewel,averyrarehumanflower.Herlossissimplyinsupportable.’
‘Andthisintrusionisinsupportable,MrLevy.Ordermustbemaintained.Rulesmustbeobeyed.’
‘Regrettablyso,’Didierreplied.‘Butloveisapoormaster,andapoorerslave.’
‘ShallItellyousomethingaboutthepoor,’Vishnusaid,risingtotopupourglasses,butkeepinganeyeonme.
‘Withpleasure,’Didiersaid,puffingthecigar.
‘Ifyoubuildanicehouse,’Vishnusaid,sittingagain,‘theybreakthefloor,sotheycansitinthedirt.Ifyoubuilditupstronger,theybringdirtinfromoutside,sotheycansitinthedirtagain.Irunaconstructionbusiness.Iknow.Whatdoyouthink,Shantaram?’
WhatdidIthink?You’reamegalomaniac,andyou’lldieviolently.
‘Ithinkitsoundslikeyou’reamanwhohatesthepoor.’
‘Oh,comeon,’heprotested.‘Everyonehatesthepoor.Eventhepoorhatethepoor.Mypointisthatsomeareborntolead,andmostareborntofollow.Youhavetakenabigstepintherightdirection.’
‘Whatstep?’
‘LeavingtheSanjayCompany.Thereisonlyonesmallstep,now,betweenyouandme.Ifyouweretojoinme,andtellmeeverythingyouknowabouttheSanjayCompany,youwouldbealeader,andnotafollower.AndIwouldmakeyouricherthanyoucanimagine.’
Istoodup.
‘Iapologiseagainforbustinginonyou.IfI’dknownyouhadfamilyhere,Iwouldn’thavecome.Willyourmenletusleave,withoutwakingeveryoneupstairs?’
‘Mymen?’Vishnulaughed.
‘Yourmen.’
‘Mymenwon’tlayafingeronyou,’hesaid.‘Youhavemyword.’
Iturnedtoleave,buthestoppedme.
‘TheIrishmanisn’ttheonlyonewhoknows,’hesaid.
Ifacedhimagain.Didierwasstandingbesideme.
‘Therewasadriver,’hesaid.‘Mydriver.Theblackcarwasoneofmine.’
‘Yours?’
‘TheIrishmanborroweditthatnight.He’dbeenshotthedaybefore,Iunderstand,butstillinsistedongoingout.Ilethimhavemydriver.’
‘WheredoIfindthisdriver?’
‘Hewillnottellyouanything,’Vishnusaid.
‘Hemight,’Isaidthroughclenchedteeth.
‘He’sdead.But,hedidtellmeeverythingheknew,beforehedied.’
‘Whatdoyouwant,Vishnu?’
‘YouknowwhatIwant.IwanttostoptheSanjayCompanyfrompumpingweaponsandbomb-makersfromPakistanintoBombay’sstreets.’
‘That’salittleexaggerated–’Ibegan,buthecutmeoff,standingbehindhisdeskwithhisfistsonhiships.
‘Youcan’tdenyit,becauseit’shappeningeverywhere,’hesaid,raisinghisvoicetoashoutashewarmedtohistheme.‘MoneyfromtheArabs,traininginPakistan,anarmyalreadyonthemoveacrosstheworld.They’reabouttotaketheirfirstcountry,Afghanistan.Itwon’tbethelastcountrytheIslamicarmytakes,beforethisisover.Ifyoucan’tseewhatthatmeans,you’reanidiot.’
‘Nowyou’retheonewho’sdisturbingyourwife.Idon’twantapoliticaldebatewithyou,Vishnu.IwanttheIrishman.’
‘Forgetmywife,motherfucker,andforgettheIrishman.Tellmewhatyouthinkaboutallthis.You’vebothbeenherelongenoughtofeeltheloveofMotherIndia.Wheredoyoustand?’
IlookedatDidier.Heshrugged.
‘Therealfight,’Ireplied,‘isbetweenSunniandShiaIslam.MuslimsarekillingahundredormoreMuslimsforeverynon-Muslim,onemosqueandmarketplaceatatime.Wedon’thaveadoginthatfight.Weshouldstayoutofit.Andwedefinitelyshouldn’tbomborinvadetheircountries,whilethey’refightingthatfamilyfeud.Oratanyothertime,forthatmatter.’
‘WeIndiansdohaveadoginthefight,’hesaidmoreseriously,hishandsworking.‘Kashmir.That’swhytheyarehittingus,againandagain.TheywantKashmirasanindependentIslamicState.WheredoyoustandonKashmir?’
‘Kashmirisawarno-onecanwin.ThereshouldbeblueUnitedNationshelmetseverywhereinKashmir,protectingthepeopleuntilitgetsworkedout.’
‘Andwouldyoufeelthesameway,ifitwasastatefromyourcountry?’
‘Hehasapoint,’Didierobserved,gesturingwithhiscigar.
Ilookedathim,thenbacktoVishnu.
‘Idon’thaveacountry.AndIdon’thaveagirlfriendanymore.Doyouknowanythingthatcanhelpmefindthemanwhokilledher?’
Helaughed,andhiseyesflickeredtotheclockonthewall.Itoccurredtome,toolate,thathewasstalling.
Thedooropenedbehindus,andLightningDilipwalkedthrough.Sixcopscrowdedintotheroom.Twocopsgrabbedme.TwocopsgrabbedDidier.
LightningDilipcametostandclosetome,hisbellyburstingthroughhisshirt.
‘I’vebeensearchingforyou,Shantaram,’hesaid.‘I’vegotsomeunhappyquestionstoaskyou.’
IlookedatVishnu.Hewassmiling.LightningDilipbegantoshoveustowardthedoor.
‘Wait!’Vishnucommanded,pointingatDidier.‘IneedMrLevy.Wehavematterstodiscuss.’
‘Jarur!’Lightningresponded.
ThecopsreleasedDidier.Helookedatme,askingmewithhiseyesifweshouldfightanddie,thereandthen.Ishookmyhead,andhegavemeabrokenhalf-smile,sendingcourageintotheprairieinmyheartwherefearwasalreadyrunning.Itwasokay.We’dbothbeeninLightningDilip’scustodialcare,andwebothknewwhattoexpect:thebootandthebatonandexhaustionastheonlymercy.ChapterForty
Thecopsdraggedandshovedmeoutofthehouse.Scorpiongangstersjeeredandmockedmefromthestairwell.Dandakickedatme,asheslammedthedoor.
Eighthandsandafewbootspushedmefacedowninthebackofajeep.TheydrovetoofasttotheColabapolicestation,threwmeoutofthejeep,stompedonmeafewtimes,andthendraggedmeintothestonycourtyard.
Theypassedtherowofofficeswherenormalinterrogationswereheld,anddraggedmetowardtheunderbarrack,whereabnormalinterrogationswereheld.
Igotup,andresistedarrest.Igotinacoupleofgoodshots,too.Theydidn’tlikeit.Theyslappedmearound,andshovedmeintooneofthewide,darkcells.
Therewerefourscaredmeninthecell,andIwasoneofthem.Theotherthreescaredmen,chainedtogetherinthefarcorner,weresittingontheirhaunches.Theirfacesweredirty,andtheirshirtsweretorn.Theylookedlikethey’dbeenthereawhile.
Thecopschainedmetotheentrygate,low,forcingmetocurlupinaballonmyknees.
Boom.Akickcameoutofnowhere.Hello,Lightning.Kick,punch,baton,punch,kick,kick,baton,kick,punch,punch,baton.
YoubeatKarlalikethis,youcoward,Ithought,findinganimageIcouldusetolockmymind.Yourkarma’swaitingforyou.Yourkarma’swaitingforyou
Thenitstopped,likethelastthunder,andIcouldhearthethuddingstormrollingaway.
WhenIthoughtitwassafe,IriskedalookandcaughtaglimpseofLightningDilip.Hewasstaringatthethreemenhuddledinthecorner.Hewasbreathinghard.Hisfacewasallthewronghappiness.
Igotit.Iwasthewarm-upact.Theguysinthecornerwerethemainevent.
Theguysinthecornergotittoo,andstartedtobeg.Ihadtimetobreatheandmoveandchecktoseethedamage.
Iwaslucky.Nobonesbroken,nothingruptured,armsandlegsstillworking.Itcould’vebeenworse,andhadbeenbefore.
WhenLightningDilipwenttoworkonthechainedmen,twocopsuncuffedmefromthegate,andtookmebacktothedutysergeant’soffice,todecidehowmuchofmymoneytokeep.Theytookitall,ofcourse:itcostmeallIhadtobuybackmyclothes,personaleffectsandknives.Theythrewmystuffintotheroad,andthrewmeafterit,dressedinmyshorts.
Istoodinthedeserted,late-nightstreetbesideatrafficisland,pickingupmyclothes,onebyone,untilIwasdressed.ForawhileIstayedthere,staringatthepolicestation,asyoudo,sometimes,outofthatstubbornnessbornofinjustice.
Iwasbleeding,beatup,inthemiddleofthefluorescentstreet.IcouldhearthescreamsofLightningDilip’snewvictims.Theflashinglightonthecornerbathedmeinredwithaslowheartbeat.Istaredattheplacewherethescreamingcamefrom.
AblackAmbassadorcarpulledtoastopbesideme.Thewindowsweredown.IsawFaridinthefrontseat,besideaCompanydriver,namedShah.Faisal,AmirandAndrewDaSilvawereinthebackseat.
DaSilvahadhiselbowonthewindow.Hereachedunderthedashboardofthecar,andIinstinctivelypulledoneoftheknives.Thegangsterslaughed.
‘Here’syourmoney,’DaSilvasaid,passingapackagethroughthewindow.‘Thirtygrand.Severancepay,fortheSriLankarun.’
Ireachedouttotakethepackage,buthewouldn’treleaseit.
‘Twoweeks,you’vegot,ofSanjay’sprotection,’hesaid,grinningintomyeyes.‘Afterthat,whydon’tyoutrytokillme,huh?Andwe’llseewhathappens.’
‘Idon’twanttokillyou,Andy,’Isaid,grabbingthepackagefromhishand.‘Ihavetoomuchfunmakingyoulookbad,infrontofyourfriends.’
‘Goodone!’Amirlaughed.‘I’mgoingtomissyou,Lin.Challo!Let’sgo!’
TheblackAmbassadordroveaway,leavingbluesmokeswirlinginthefluorescenthaze.Iputthemoneyinsidemyshirt,andheardthescreaming,beginningagain.
Aheadachesaidhellobehindmyrighteye.Therewerebruisesmakingthemselvesacquaintedallalongmybackandshoulders.
Iwalkedbackunderthewidearchattheentrance,climbedthestepstothelongporchandsteppedintoLightningDilip’soffice.
‘Callhim,’Isaidtothesleepyconstablewatchingthedesk.
‘Fuckyou,Shantaram,’hesaid,lounginginhischair.‘Youbetternotlethimseeyouinhere.’
Ireachedinsidemyshirt,pulledoutafewhundred-dollarbills,andthrewthemonthedesk.
‘Callhim.’
Theconstablesnatchedthenotesoffthedesk,andranoutoftheoffice.
LightningDilipwasbackinseconds.Hedidn’tknowwhetherIwantedtomaketrouble,ormakeupwithabribe,andhedidn’tknowwhichonehewantedmore.Hewasoilywithsadism,hisbulgingshirtstainedwithsweat.
‘Thismustbemyluckyday,’hesaid,theridingcropinhishandtwirling.
‘Iwanttobailoutthreeprisoners.’
‘What?’
‘Iwanttobailoutthreeprisoners,withcashmoney.’
‘Whichthree?’Lightningasked,suspicionpinchinghisface.
‘Thethreeyou’rekickingtheshitoutof.’
Helaughed.Whydopeoplelaugh,whenyou’renottryingtobefunny?Oh,yeah:whenyou’rethejoke.
‘I’mhappytodoit,’hegrinned.‘Fortherightprice.Butwillitmakeadifferencetoyou,toknowthatoneofthosemenhasrapedseverallittlegirls,andIdon’tknowwhichoneofthemitisyet,untilIgetaconfession?Ofcourse,thechoiceisyours.’
Youtrytodosomethingright.Myearswereringing,andpainwaswakingmyface.Itwasthekindofangry-painthatshiversinyou,andwon’tstopshiveringuntilsomethingverygoodorverybadhappens.Thebellswouldn’tstopringing.Achildmolester?FateisSolomon,forever.
‘I’dlike,’Icroaked,andthenclearedmythroat.‘I’dliketopayyoutostopbeatingthethreeprisoners.Havewegotadeal?’
‘WewouldhaveadealforfivehundredAmerican,’hesaid,‘wheneveryoufindit.’
Heknewhe’dcleanedmeout.Andtheconstablehadwiselykeptthehundred-dollarnotesI’dgivenhimtohimself.DilipgaspedwhenIpulledthenotesfrommyshirtandthrewthemonthetable.
‘Ihaveeightymoreprisonersupstairs,’hesaid.‘Wouldyouliketopaymenottobeatthem?’
Atthatmoment,beatupandcrazy,thinkingthatLisa’sbodyhadbeenatthatpolicestation,andthateverycopintheplacehadseenherdead,andknowingthatLightningDiliphadbeatenKarla,probablyonthesamegatehechainedmeto,Ididn’tcare.Ijustwantedthescreamingtostopforawhile.
Ithrewsomemoremoneyonthedesk.
‘Tonight,everybody,’Isaid.
Helaughedagain,scoopingthemoneyfromthedesk.Thecopsinthedoorwaylaughed.
‘Thishasbeenaprofitablenight,’hesaid.‘Ishouldbeatyoumoreoften.’
Iwalkedoutoftheoffice,andalongthewhiteporchtothesteps.
Ipassedunderthearchway,leadingtothestreet,knowingthatallI’dboughtwassilenceforonenight,butthatthey’dbebeatenthefollowingnight,andotherswouldbebeatenafterthem,everynight.
Ihadn’tstoppedanything,becauseallthemoneyintheworldcan’tbuypeace,andallthecrueltywon’tstopuntilkindnessistheonlyking.
Ablacklimousinepulledupinfrontofme,andKarlagotoutwithDidierandNaveen.Myhappinesswasacheetah,runningfreeinasavannahofsolace.Andpainranaway,afraidoflove.
Theyhuggedme,andsettledmeinthecar.
‘Areyouokay?’Karlaasked,herhandcoolonmyface.
‘I’mokay.HowdidyouknowIwasout?’
‘We’vebeenwaiting.Didiercalledus,andwe’vebeenwaitingacrosstheroad,outsideLeo’s.Wesawyougetthrownoutofthestationhouse,andwegaveyouaminute.’
‘ThatwasKarla’sidea,’Naveenadded.‘ShesaidLethimgethispantsoninpeace.Thenwewerejustcomingtowardyou,whentheblackAmbassadorstopped.’
‘Andthen,afteritleft,youwentbackinside,’Didiersaid.
‘Whichseemedalittlebrazen,’Naveensmiled,‘sowewaitedagain,gettingreadytobustyouout,andthenyoucameoutside.’
‘Wehavenews,’Didiersaid.
‘Whatnews.’
‘Vishnutalkedtome,afteryouleft,’Didiersaid.‘Hetoldmewhoitwas,thatwentwithConcannontoseeLisa.’
‘Who?’
‘ItwasRanjit,’Karlasaidflatly,takingthecigarettebackfromDidier.
‘YourRanjit?’
‘Matrimoniallyspeaking,’shesaid.‘ButitlookslikeIcouldbeawidow,beforeadivorcee.’
Ranjit?Irememberedhowscaredhe’dbeen,whenI’dgonetohisofficelookingforKarla.HethoughtIknew.That’swhyhewassoafraid.
‘Whereishe?’
‘Heskippedtown,’Karlasaid.‘I’vecalledallhisfriends.Idrovethemnuts,butnobody’sseenhimsinceyesterdayevening.Hissecretarybookedaflightforhim,toDelhi.Hedisappearedcompletelyafterhelandedthere.Hecouldbeanywhere.’
‘We’llfindhim,’Naveensaid.‘He’stoosuccessfultoremaindiscreetforlong.’
Karlalaughed.
‘Yougotthatright.He’llcomeupforbadair,soonerorlater.’
‘Youcanrelaxnow,Lin,’Didieradded,‘forthemysteryissolved.’
‘Thanks,Didier,’Isaid,passingKarlaherflask.‘It’snotsolved,butatleastweknowwhocansolveit.’
‘Exactly,’Karlaconcluded.‘AnduntilwetrackRanjitdown,let’sfocusonmattersathand.Youlookalittlebeatup,Shantaram.’
‘Sorrytointrude,’theuniformeddriverasked.‘ButmayIofferyouthefirstaidkit,sir?’
‘Isthatyou,Randall?’
‘ItisindeedI,MrLin,sir.MayIofferthekit,andperhapsarefreshingtowel?’
‘Youmay,Randall,’Isaid.‘Andhowdoyoucometobesteeringthisbig,blackbararoundBombay?’
‘MissKarlaofferedmetheopportunitytoserve,’Randallsaid,passingthefirstaidkitacrosstheseat.
‘Knockitoff,Randall,’Karlalaughed.‘No-oneservesanythingbutdrinksandfirstaidinthiscar.’
IlookedatKarla.Sheshruggedhershoulders,openedherhipflask,pouredsomevodkaontoaswabofgauze,andpassedtheflasktome.
‘Drinkup,Shantaram.’
‘Anyopportunitytoserve,MissKarla,’Isaid,smilingatheracquisitionofthebarmanfromtheMaheshhotel.
Shecleanedupthefewcutsonmyface,headandwristsexpertly,becauseshe’ddoneitbefore,toalotofsoldiers.OneofKarla’sbestfriendsfromtheKhaderbhaiCompanydayswasacornerman,whokeptfightersfighting.He’dtaughthereverythingheknew,andshewasagoodcornermanherself.
‘Whereto,MissKarla?’Randallasked.‘Althoughthedestinationisthejourney,ofcourse.’
‘Wheredoyouwanttogo?’Karlalaughed,askingme.
WheredidIwanttogo?IwantedtosaygoodbyetoLisawithmyfriends,andletabranchofgrievingfall.KnowingthatitwasRanjitwhogavethepillstoLisagavemethelittlepeacethatIneededforgoodbye.
‘There’ssomethingI’dliketodo.AndI’dlikeyoualltodoitwithme,ifyou’reupforit.’
‘Sure,okay,certainly,’theyallsaid,noneofthemaskingwhatitwas.
‘Didier,doyouthinkwecanwakeupyourfriend,Tito?’
‘Titodoesn’tsleep,asfarasIknow,’Didierreplied.‘Atleast,no-onehaseveractuallyseenhimsleeping.’
‘Good.Let’sgo.’
DidiergaveRandalldirectionstothefishermen’scolonybehindColabamarket.WeparkedbesidearowoftiltedhandcartsandwoundthroughdarklanesandalleystofindTito,whowasreadingDurrellbykerosenelantern.Hewaslonely,hesaid,sohetaxedustime:tenpercentoftwohours.Wesmokedajointwithhim,talkedbooks,andthencollectedmykit.
‘Whatisournewdestination,sir?’Randallasked,whenwewereallinthecar
‘TheAirIndiabuilding,’Isaid.‘Andafuneralinthesky.’ChapterForty-One
Thenightwatchmanrememberedme,acceptedsomemoney,andsentusuptotheroofofthedesertedAirIndiabuilding.
Theredarcherwasturningslowly.Thenightwasclear,thestar-horizonwiderthanthesea.Thewavesbelowseemedfragile,theircrestsoffoamlikestripsoffloatingseaweed,seenfromourperchinthesky.
Whiletheywereadmiringthearcherandtheview,Isetaboutmakingasmallfireplace.Naveenhelpedmegatherbricksandbrokentilesfromthewideconcreteroof.Wemadeabaseoftilesandbuiltasmallheartharoundthemwithbricksandstones.
I’dtakenanewspaperfromthenightwatchman,andbeganscrewingthepagesupintosmall,tightballs.Whenitwasready,IuncoveredLisa’sboxofthingsfromthebagthatTitohadkeptsafe.
Themetalwind-uptoywasabluebird,attachedtoadevicewithfingerholeslikeapairofscissors.Ipressedthescissorstogether,andthebirdmoveditsheadandsang.ItwasLisa’s.She’dhaditsinceshewasachild.IgaveittoKarla.
Therewasayellowtubewithbrassfittingsattheend,whichheldallofmyoldsilverrings.I’dmadeitasapaperweightforLisa.IgaveittoNaveen.Thestones,acorns,shells,amuletsandcoinsfitinsideabluevelvetjewelbox.IgaveittoDidier.
Itorethephotographsintofragmentsandfedthemintothefireplace,alongwithanythingthatwouldburn,includingthehempsandalsandtheboxitself,markedREASONSWHY,rippedintosmallpieces.Herthin,silverscarfwaslastintothepile,curledandcoiledlikeasnake.
Ilitthelowestofthepaperballsaroundthefire,anditcaught.Didierhelpeditalongwithaswishfromhisflask.Karladidthesame.Naveenfannedtheflameswithachunkoftile.
Karlatookmyhand,andledmetotheedgeofthebuildingwherewecouldlookatthesea.
‘Ranjit,’Isaidsoftly.
‘Ranjit,’sherepeatedsoftly.
‘Ranjit,’Igrowled.
‘Ranjit,’shegrowledback.
‘Howareyouholdingup?’
‘I’mokay.I’vegototherthingsonmymind.Areyouokay?’
‘Ranjit,’Isaid,myteethclenched.
‘Healwayslikedher,’Karlasaid.‘IwassobusyprojectinghimintothelimelightthatIdidn’tseehowclosetheygot.’
‘You’resayingRanjithadathingforLisa?’
‘Idon’tknow.Maybe.Ineveraskedhimanythingabouthissexlife,andhenevertoldmeanything.Maybeitwasjustbecausewelikedhersomuch.He’sacompetitiveman.Butlikeallcompetitivemen,hisballsfelloffwhenthegoinggothard.’
‘Whatdoesthatmean?’
‘I’lltellyou,oneday,afterwefindhim.MyproblemwithRanjitisn’timportantnow,andithadnothingtodowithLisa.Hisproblemwasafearofsuccess.Surprising,howcommonthatis.Thereshouldbeanameforit.’
‘Ambitionfatigue?’Isuggested.
‘Ilikeit,’shelaughedsoftly.‘WhatdoyouthinkRanjitwasdoingwithLisa,thatnight?’
‘Rohypnolisarapedrug,butsometimespeopletakeittogetherbecausetheylikeit.So,eitherRanjitisarapist,anditwentwrong,ortheyhadathing,andthatwentwrong.Thingis,Ididn’tthinktheywerethatclose,exceptthatshelikedhispolitics.’
‘Hispolitics?’Karlalaughed,toherself.
‘Howisthatfunny?’
‘I’llexplainitoneday.Howwasittonight,Shantaram,inthecagewithLightningDilip?’
‘Theusual.Shortbackandsides.’
‘Badcopsarebadpriests,’shesaid.‘Allconfession,andnoabsolution.’
‘Howareyoucomin’along,Slim?’
‘I’mokay.I’vegotbruiseslikeRorschachtests.Oneofthemlooksliketwodolphins,makinglove.But,youknow,maybethat’sjustme.’
Iwantedtoseethebruise.Iwantedtokissit.Iwantedtobeatthemanwhoputitthere.
‘ThecarandRandall,’Isaid,‘andstayingattheTaj.Itcosts.I’vegotsomemoneyputaway,ahundredandfiftythousanddollars.Icansetyouupinasafeplacesomewhere,withthecarandRandallandwhateverelseyouneed.WhileRanjit’sontheloose,youshouldplayitsafe.’
‘Listen,’shesaid.‘ItoldyouthatI’vebeenworkingwiththeeconomistsandanalystsatRanjit’spaper.Imadesomemoney,andputalittleaside.’
‘Yeah,but–’
Ispenttwoyearsonit,withthebestadvicetheboss’smoneycouldbuy,andquiteabitoftheboss’smoney.’
Irememberedthebike-talk,metellinghertosavemoneyandputadownpaymentonahouse.Andshewasworkingwithprofessionaleconomistsandstockmarketanalystsallthetime,anddidn’tsayathing.Shewasevensweettome.
‘You’vebeenplayingthemarket?’
‘Not…exactly.’
‘Thenwhat…exactly?’
‘I’vebeenmanipulatingit.’
‘Manipulatingit?’
‘Abit.’
‘Howmuchofabit?’
‘IusedaproxyvotetoleveragethetheoreticalworthofallofRanjit’ssharesincommunications,energy,insuranceandtransportation,andIbuiltasecretbuyingblock,forsixteenminutes,andthenIcloseditdown.’
‘Abuyingblock?’
‘AndIboughtmybrainsout,withsixguysonsixphones,forsixteenminutes.’
‘Thenwhat?’
‘Imovedthestockpricesinselectedarm’s-lengthcompanies,whereI’dalreadyboughtpreferentialstock.’
‘What?’
‘Iriggedthemarketacoupleoftimes.Nobigdeal.Imademycut,andgotthehellout.’
‘Howmuchdidyoumake?’
‘Threemillion.’
‘Rupees?’
‘Dollars.’
‘Youmadethreemilliondollarsonthemarket?’
‘Iskimmeditoffthemarket,tobeprecise.It’sactuallynotthathard,ifyou’restinkingrichtobeginwith,whichIwas,withRanjit’sproxyshares.So,there’snoproblemformoney.Ihaveitinfourdifferentaccounts.Idon’tneedRanjit’smoney,oryours,Lin.Ineedyourhelp.’
‘Threemillion?AndIwastalkingtoyouabout–’
‘BeingaLondonBombaywife,’sheendedforme.‘Ilovedit.Really.And–’
‘Wait.Yousaidyouneedmyhelp?’
‘Anoldenemyofmineisbackintown,’shesaid.‘MadameZhou.’
‘Idetestthatwoman,andI’veonlymetheronce.’
‘Detestisthedoormat,’Karlasaid.‘WhatIfeelforthatwomanisawholemansionofmalice.’
MadameZhouwasaninfluencepeddlerwho’dsweatedsecretsfrominfluentialpatronsofherbrothel,thePalaceofHappy,formorethanadecade.WhenshedrewLisaintohermazeofstainedsheets,KarlagotLisaout,pouredgasolineonthePalaceofHappy,andburnedittotheground.
‘Sheputitaroundthatshe’slookingforme.Andthistime,it’snotjustthetwins.’
Iknewthetwins,MadameZhou’sbodyguardsandconstantcompanions.ThelasttimeI’dseenthem,theywerebleeding,becauseIwaslosingaveryuntidyfightwiththem,andbecauseDidiershotthem.
‘Idetestthosetwins,andI’veonlymetthemonce,asapair.’
‘Thistime,’Karlasaid,lookingoutatthenight,‘she’sgotpersonalcosmeticianswithher.Twoacidthrowers.’
Oneoftheretributionservicesofferedinthoseyearswasacid-throwing.Althoughusuallylimitedtoso-calledhonourburnings,acidthrowershiredthemselvesoutforothermatters,whenthepricewasright.
‘WhendidshegetbacktoBombay?’
‘Twodaysago.ShefoundoutaboutLisa’sdeath,somehow.SheknowsIburneddownherpalaceforLisa.Shewantstolookmeintheeyes,andlaugh,beforesheburnsme.’
Starswanderedtheirdarkpastures.Earlydawnpressedalltheshadowsflat.Faintlightbegantowakewavesinbrilliantpeaks:sealsofcandescence,playing.
Iturnedmyheadslowly,sothatIcouldlookatKarla’sprofileasherhearttalkedtothesea.
She’dbeenafraid,fordays.She’ddiscoveredoursweet,deadfriend,andshe’dbeenbeatenbythecops,andshe’dbrokenupwithRanjit,permanently,forwhateverreason,andshehadMadameZhou’sacidthrowerslookingforher,andthenshe’ddiscoveredthatRanjitwastheonewhowaswithLisa,attheend.
ShewasthebravestgirlIevermet,andI’dbeensomuchinmyownguiltandlossthatIhadn’tbeenbesideher,whereIbelonged,whensheneededme.
‘Karla,I–’
‘Shallwedothisnow?’Didierasked,frombesidethesmallfire.‘Weareready.’
DidierandNaveenhadtendedthefirewell.Theresidueoffineashes,cooledbyfanningthemoutontheground,wasenoughforeachofustohaveahandful.
Wewenttoacornerfacingtheopensea,andscatteredthoselittleasheswehadofher,intheplaceshewould’vechosentoscattermine.
‘Goodbye,andhello,beautifulsoul,’Karlasaid,astheashesdriftedfromourfingers.‘Mayyoureturn,inalongerandhappierlife.’
Wefollowedthewindandasheswiththoughtsofher.IwassoangryatFatethatIcouldn’tcry.
‘Well,we’dbettergetoutofhere,’Naveensaid,cleaninguptheimpromptufireplace.‘Thecleaningstaffwillarrivesoon.’
‘Wait,guys,’Isaid.‘MadameZhou’sbackintown,withacidthrowers,andshe’saskingaroundaboutKarla.’
‘Acidthrowers,’Didiersaid,spittingthewordsinashiverofdread.
‘Who’sMadameZhou?’Naveenasked.
‘Aloathsomewoman,’Didiersaid,drinkingthelastsipfromhisflask.‘Imagineaspider,thesizeofasmallwoman,andyouwillbeveryclose.’
‘We’llkeepawatchonKarlaroundtheclock,’Isuggested,‘untilwethrowMadameZhouandheracidthrowersinthesea.We–’
‘Ithankyou,andacceptyourhelp,DidierandNaveen,’Karlacutmeoff.‘Muchappreciated.Butyoucan’t,Lin.’
‘Ican’t?’
‘No.’
‘Whynot?’
‘Becauseyouwon’tbehere.You’regoingaway.’
‘Iam?’
‘Yes.’
‘When?’
‘Thismorning.’
‘Goodbye,Lin,’Didiersaid,rushingtohugme.‘Ineverwakebeforetheafternoon,soIfearthatIwillmissyourdeparture.’
‘Mydeparture?’
‘Tothemountain,’Karlasaid.‘TostaywithIdriss,fortwoweeks.’
‘Goodbye,Lin,’Naveensaid,huggingme.‘Seeyouwhenyougetback.’
‘Waitaminute.’
Theywerealreadywalkingtothedoor.Wejoinedthem,andastheelevatordoorsclosed,Karlasighed.
‘Everytimeanelevatordoorclosesonme–’shebegan.
Didierhandedheraflask.
‘Ithoughtyouwereout,’shesaid,takingaswig.
‘Itismyreserve.’
‘Willyoumarryme,Didier,ifIcandivorceRanjit,orkillhim?’
‘I’malreadymarriedtomyvices,Karladear,’Didierreplied,‘andthey’reveryjealouslovers,allofthem.’
‘Justmyluck,’Karlasaid.‘Allmyguysarevices,ormarriedtothem.’
‘WhichoneamI?’Naveenasked.‘NowthatI’moneoftheguys.’
‘Maybeboth,’Karlasaid.‘WhichiswhyIhavesuchhighhopesforyou.’
WereachedKarla’scar,andRandallopenedthedoors.ItoldthemthatIwantedtowalkbacktomybike,stillparkedneartheScorpionhouse.Karlawalkedmetotheseawalltosaygoodbye.
‘Stickitout,’shesaid,herpalmonmychest.
Herfingersweretruth,touchingme.
Imaginethis,everyday.
‘Asithappens,’Ismiled,‘I’mastick-it-outguy.’
Shelaughed.Templebell.
‘I’dliketobebesideyou,whenMadameZhoupopsoutoftheshadows.’
‘Youcanhelpmebystayingtwoweeksupthere,Lin.Leteverythingcooldown.Letmesetthisinmotion.LetmedowhatIhavetodo,andkeepyououtofitwhileIdoit.StaylongeruptherewithIdriss,ifyouneed.’
‘Longer?’
‘Ifyouneed.’
‘Whataboutus?’
Shesmiled.Shekissedme.
‘I’llcomeandseeyou.’
‘When?’
‘Whenyouleastexpectit,’shesaid,walkingbacktothecar.
‘WhataboutMadameZhou?’
‘We’llbemerciful,’shesaidoutthewindowasRandalldroveaway,‘untilwefindher.’
Iwatchedthecaroutofsight,andbegantowalktheseawallpromenade.Earlywalkersbriskedelbowsandanklesocksatme,tooserioustolookatanythingbutthepavement.
Morningrosebehindeasternbuildings,shadow-veilsliftingslowlyfromtheirfaces.Dogs,impatientforaction,barkedhereandthere.Flocksofpigeonstestedtheirskills,swoopingtheflourishofadancer’sdressoverthepath,andsoaringinvisibleagain.
Iwasafuneralprocessionofone.IcouldstillfeeltheashesonmyfingersasIwalked.TinyfragmentsofLisa’slifewerefloatingacrossthesea,andalongthepromenade.
Everythingleavesamark.Everyblowechoesintheforestinside.Everyinjusticecutsabranch,andeverylossisafallentree.Thebeautifulcourageofus,thehopethatdefinesourkind,isthatwegoon,nomatterhowmuchlifewoundsus.Wewalk.Wefacetheseaandthewindandthesaltedtruthofdeath,andwegoon.
Andeverystepwetake,everybreathwespend,everywishfulfilledisadutytothoselivesandlovesnolongergraced,aswestillare,withthesparkandrhythmoftheSource:thesoulweloved,intheireyes.PartSeven
ChapterForty-Two
‘LetmebeginourlessonsbytellingyouwhereKhaderbhaiwaswronginhisinstructionofyou,’Idrisssaid,whenI’dbeenwithhimonthemountainforthreerestless,sleep-sluggishnights,andthreedaysfilledwithchores.
‘But–’
‘Iknow,Iknow,youwanttheBigAnswers,totheBigQuestions.Wheredidwecomefrom?Whatarewenow?Wherearewegoing?Isthereapurposetolife?Arewefree,orarewedeterminedbyaDivineplan?Andwe’llgettothem,irritatingastheyare.’
‘Irritating,Idriss,orirresolvable?’
‘TheBigQuestionsonlyhavesmallanswers,andtheBigAnswerscanonlybefoundthroughsmallquestions.Butfirst,weneedalittleRandR.’
‘RestandRecuperation?’
‘No,RepairandRectification.’
‘Rectification?’Iasked,aneyebrowdissenting.
‘Rectification,’herepeated.‘Itisthedutyofeveryhumanbeingtohelpotherstowardrectification,wheneverthediscoursebetweenthemisprivate,andofaspiritualnature.Youwillhelpmeinthis,andIwillhelpyou.’
‘I’mnotaspiritualperson,’Isaid.
‘You’reaspiritualperson.Theveryfactthatwe’rehavingthisconversationistheproof,althoughyoudon’thavetheeyestoseeit.’
‘Okay.Butiftheclubletsmein,youshouldlookatthemembershipcriteria.’
Weweresittinginacornerofthewhite-stonemesawithaviewdirectlyintothetallesttreesinthevalley.Thekitchenwastoourleft.Themainareaswerebehindus.
Itwaslateafternoon.Smallbirdschitteredfrombranchtobranch,fussingandfidgetingamongtheleaves.
‘Youseekescapeinhumour,’heobserved.
‘Actually,Ijusttrytostayonmygame.YouknowKarla,Idriss,andyouknowshelikestoraisethebar.’
‘No,youareescaping,allthetime,exceptforthiswoman.Youareescapingeverything,evenme,excepther.Ifshewerenothere,youwouldescapeBombay,aswell.Youarerunning,evenwhenyouarestandingstill.Whatareyouafraidof?’
WhatwasIafraidof?Takeyourpick.Let’sstartwithdyinginprison.Itoldhim,buthewasn’tbuyingit.
‘That’snotwhatyou’reafraidof,’hesaid,pointingthechillumatme.‘IfsomethinghappenedtoKarla,wouldyoubeafraid?’
‘Oh,yeah.Ofcourse.’
‘That’swhatImean.Theotherthingsarethingsyoualreadyknow,andthingsyoucansurvive,ifyouhaveto.ButKarla,andyourfamily,that’swhereyourrealfearlives,isn’tit?’
‘Whatareyousaying?’
Hesettledbackagain,smilingcontentedly.
‘Itmeansthatyouarecarryingfearwithinyou,Lin.Fearshouldbeoutsideus.Itshouldonlyjumpintous,whenitisrequired.Therestofthetime,wearedesignedbynature,andculture,toflourishinpeace,becauseit’sverydifficulttomaintainaconnectiontotheDivine,whenyou’relivinginfear.’
‘Whichmeans?’
‘Youneedtoberectified.’
‘WhatifIlikebeingunrectified?WhatifIthinktheunrectifiedpartisthebestpart?WhatifI’mbeyondrectification?Arethererulestothisprocedure?’
Helaughed.
‘Youmightberight,’hesmiled.‘Itmightbethebestpartofyou.Butyoucan’tknow,unlessyousubmityourselftorectification.’
‘Submit?’
‘Submit.’
‘See,whenthelanguagestraysintocultterritory,Idriss,theunrectifiedpartofmeyanksmeouttathere.’
‘Letmeputitthisway,’Idrisssaid,leaningbackinhischair.‘Supposeyouknowsomeone,knowhimfairlywell,andsupposetherearesomelikeablethingsabouthim,butsupposethispersonisjustataker,andneveragiver.Areyouwithme,sofar?’
‘Yes.’
‘Verywell.Supposethispersonisruthlesswiththosenotclosetohim,andneverhesitatestorideonthesuccess,talent,ormoneyofothers,butneverworkshimself,andneverputsanythingbackintotheloop.Areyouwithmesofar?’
‘Imetthisguy,’Isaid,smiling.‘Goon.’
‘Well,inthatcaseit’syourduty,asamorerectifiedperson,tospeaktohim,andattempttomoderatehisdamagingbehaviour.Butthatcanonlywork,iftheothermansubmitshimselftoyourcounsel.Ifheistooproud,ortoounrectified,youcannotperformyourdutywithhim,andyoumustperformitwithamorereceptivepersoninstead.’
‘Okay.Igetit.But,Idriss,Iwouldn’tcallthatsubmission.I’dcallthatmeetingmehalfway.’
‘Andyou’reright,it’sbothofthosethings.It’salsocommonground,andagreement,andafreediscourse,butnoneofthosethingsarepossiblewithoutameasureofsubmissionfromeveryoneinvolved.Civilisationissubmission,inagoodcause.Humilityisthedoorwaytosubmission,andsubmissionisthedoorwaytorectification.Areweclear?’
‘I’m…withyou,sofar,Idriss.’
‘ThanktheDivine,’hesighed,relaxingandlettinghishandsfallintohislap.‘Youhavenoideahowmanypeoplemakemegothroughthat,againandagain,withexampleafterexample,justtoshovetheirfuckingprideorprejudiceoutofthewayforafuckingminute.’
ItwasthefirsttimeI’dheardhimswear.Hesawtheglimmerinmyeye.
‘Ihavetoswear,andtalkcrazy,andshout,nowandthen,’hesaid,‘orI’dgooutofmyfuckingmind.’
‘Isee…’
‘Idon’tknowhowtheTantricsdoit.Allthatphysicalpenance,sacrificeandperformingstrenuousrituals,everyday,forthewholeoftheirlives.Weteachershaveiteasy,comparedtothat.Butwestillgonuts,onceinawhile,underthesheerweightofbeingsofuckingnicetoeverybody.Lightthedamnchillum,please.Wherewerewe?’
‘Khaderbhai’serrors,’Isaid,lightingthechillumforhim.
Hepuffedforawhile,foundthestream,andfloatedhiseyesintomine.
‘Tellmewhatyouknowaboutthemovementtowardcomplexity,’hesaid,staringfixedlyatme.
‘Khaderbhaisaidthatifyoutakeasnapshotpictureoftheuniverse,everybillionyears,allthewaybacktotheBigBang,wecanseethattheuniverseisalwaysgettingmorecomplex.Andthatphenomenon,thecontinuousmovementtowardcomplexity,fromtheBigBangtonow,istheirreduciblydefiningcharacteristicoftheuniverseasawhole.So,ifthismovementtowardcomplexitydefinestheentirehistoryoftheuniverse–’
‘–thenit’saprettygoodcandidateasareferencepoint,foradefinitionofGoodandEvilthatisobjective,andalsouniversallyacceptable,’Idrissfinishedforme.‘AnythingthattendstowardcomplexityisGood.AnythingthattendsagainstcomplexityisEvil.’
‘Andthequickmoraltest,’Iadded,‘istoaskyourselfthequestion:IfeverybodyintheworlddidthisthingI’mdoing,orthinkingofdoing,wouldithelpusgettomorecomplexity,orholdusback?’
‘Excellent,’Idrisssaid,smilingandblowingsmokethroughhisteeth.‘You’reagoodstudent.Letmeaskaquestion.Whatiscomplexity?’
‘Excuseme,sir.’
‘Idriss.MynameisIdriss.’
‘Idriss,canIaskaquestion?’
‘Ofcourse.’
‘IstheconceptofGoodandEvilreallynecessary?’
‘Ofcourse.’
‘Okay.Well,whatdoyousaytopeoplewhoarguethatGoodandEvilareculturallydefined,arbitraryconstructs?’
‘Ihaveasimpleanswer,’hesaid,puffingcontentedly.‘Itellthemtofuckoff.’
‘That’syouranswer?’
‘Certainly.Iaskyou,wouldyouappointsomeonewhodoesn’tbelievethere’sanysuchthingasGoodandEvilasababysittertoyourchild,oryouragedgrandfather?’
‘Withallduerespect,Idriss,’Ilaughed,‘that’sanappealtoculturalbias,andnotananswer.AreGoodandEvilarbitrary,ornot?’
Heleanedinclosertome.
‘Becausewehaveadestiny,whichisundeniable,ourjourneyisamoraljourney.UnderstandingwhatisGood,andwhatisEvil,andthedifferencesbetweenthem,isarequiredstepforustoassumeourroleasguardiansofourowndestiny.Weareayoungspecies,andassumingourdestinyisabigstep.Weonlybecameself-awareyesterday.’
‘I’mnotcompletelygettingit,’Isaid,lookingupfrommynotes.‘ThinkingofthingsintermsofGoodandEvilisrequired,atthisstageinourspiritualevolution,isthatit?’
‘IftherewerenoGoodorEvilintheworld,’hesaid,leaningbackagain,‘whywouldwehavelaws?Andwhatarelaws,butourfumbling,andconstantlyevolvingattempttoestablishwhatisEvil,ifnotwhatisGood?’
‘I’mstillnotunderstandingit,’Isaid.‘Ihopeyou’llbepatientwithme,butfromwhatyou’vesaid,wecouldjustaseasilysubstitutesomeotherwords,likerightandwrong,orpositiveandnegative,forGoodandEvil.Andwemightbebetteroff,ifwedid.’
‘Oh,Isee,’hesaid,leaningincloser.‘Youmeanthesemanticsofit.IthoughtyouweretalkingabouttheculturalarchitectureofGoodandEvil.’
‘Ah…no.’
‘Verywell,onthatlevel,thetermsGoodandEvilarerequired,becausetheyareconnectedtotheDivine.’
‘Andwhatifpeopledon’tbelieveintheDivine?’
‘Itellthemtofuckoff.Ican’twastemytimewithatheists.Theydon’thaveanintellectualelbowtoleanon.’
‘Theydon’t?’
‘Ofcourse,not.Thefactthatlighthasbothphysicalandmetaphysicalcharacteristicsmeansthatitisnonsensetorefusethemetaphysical.Andanabsenceofdoubtisanintellectualflaw.Askanyscientist,orholyman.Doubtistheagnostics’parachute.That’swhyagnosticshaveasofterlandingthanatheists,whentheDivinespeakstothem.’
‘TheDivinespeaks?’
‘Everyday,toeveryone,throughthesoul.’
‘O…kay,’Isaid,moreconfusedthanwhenI’daskedthequestion.‘MaybeI’llputthatoneinthelaterfile.I’msorryfortheintrusion.’
‘Stopapologising.Iaskedyoutodefinecomplexity.’
‘Well,Khaderbhaineverletmepinhimdownonthat.Iaskedhim,afewtimes,buthealwaysslippedaway.’
‘Whatareyourthoughts?’
Mythoughts?IwantedtobewithKarla.Iwantedtoknowthatshewassafe.AndifIhadtobeonthemountain,Iwantedtolistentotheteacher,ratherthantalk.ButI’dlearned,afterthreedaysofdiscussion,thattherewasnoescapefromthefortressofhismind.
Itookasipofwater,puttheglassbackonthetablebesideuscarefully,andthrewmyhatinthepsychicring.
‘Atfirst,Istartedthinkingofcomplexityasbeingaboutcomplicatedthings.Themorecomplicatedthingsare,themorecomplexity.Abrainismorecomplexthanatree,andatreeismorecomplexthanastone,andastoneismorecomplexthanspace.Likethat.But…’
‘But?’
‘ButthemoreIthinkaboutcomplexity,thelongerIstaywithtwothings.Life,andwill.’
‘Howdidyougetthere?’
‘Ithoughtaboutamuchmoreevolvedandadvancedalienspecies,travellingthroughspace.Iaskedmyselfwhattheymightbelookingfor.Whereverthere’slife,Ithinkthey’dbeveryinterested.Whereverthere’sfullyevolvedwill,Ithinkthey’dbefascinated.’
‘That’sprettygood,’Idrisssaid.‘I’mgoingtoenjoytellingyoumoreaboutthis.Makemeanotherchillum.Hey,Silvano!’
Theholyman’sconstantcompanion,Silvano,crossedthewhite-stonespacetojoinus.
‘Ji?’
‘Keepeveryoneaway,forawhile,please.Andeatsomefood.Youskippedlunch,again.What’sthat,man?Next,you’llbeshavingyourhead.Don’tbeholierthanthefuckingholyman,okay?’
‘Ji,’Silvanolaughed,backingaway,andcatchingmyeye.
SinceI’dreturnedtothemountain,Silvanohadbeenanalmostconstantcompanion.Hewasalwaysreadytohelp,andalwaysgood-humoured.
ThefiercescowlwasonlyandeverthefruitofhisprotectiveloveforIdriss.Ineveryotherhourofmorningoreveninghewasakind,happysoul,inaplacethatwashome.
‘Complexity,’Idrissbeganagain,whenSilvanoleft,‘isthemeasureofsophisticationintheexpressionofthesetofpositivecharacteristics.’
‘Canyourunthatbymeagain,please?’
‘Athingiscomplex,tothedegreethatitexpressesthesetofpositivecharacteristics,’hereplied.
‘Thepositivecharacteristics?’
‘ThesetofpositivecharacteristicsincludesLife,Consciousness,Freedom,Affinity,Creativity,Fairnessandmanyothers.’
‘Wheredoesthissetofpositivecharacteristicscomefrom?Whomadethelist?’
‘Theyareuniversallyrecognised,andwouldberecognisedbyyourmoreevolvedandadvancedalienspecies,Iamsure.Ifyoulookattheiropposites,you’llseewhytheyarepositivecharacteristics–Death,Unconsciousness,Slavery,Enmity,Destruction,andIniquity.YoudoseewhatIamsaying,don’tyou?Thesepositivecharacteristicsareuniversal.’
‘Okay,ifweacceptthesetofpositivecharacteristics,howdowemeasureit?Whogetstomeasureit?Howdowedecidewhat’smorepositive,andlesspositive,Idriss?’
Ablackcatcametostandnearus,archingitsback.
Hello,Midnight.Howdidyougethere?
Thecatjumpedintomylap,testedorpunishedmypatiencewithclaws,andsatdowntosleep.
‘Therearetwowaysoflookingatus,’Idrisssaid,glancingoutatthetrees,throbbingwithbirds.‘Onesaysthatwearejustacosmicaccident,afluke,andtheluckysurvivorsoftherealmastersoftheearth,thedinosaurs,afterthefalloftheJurassic.Thatviewsayswe’reallalone,becauseaflukelikethisisunlikelyanywhereelse.Andthatweliveinauniversethathasus,andbillionsofplanetswithnothingmorethanmicrobes,meeklittlemethanogens,archaeaandbacteria,inheritingalkalineseas.’
Adragonflybuzzedaroundhimforawhile.Hecoaxeditwithanextendedhand,mutteringtohimself.Hepointedhisfingerattheforest,andthedragonflyflewaway.
‘Theotherview,’Idrisssaid,turningtomeagain,‘saysthatwe’reeverywhere,ineverygalaxy,andhereinthisgalaxy,inoursolarsystem,abouttwo-thirdsofthewayoutfromalltheactionattheMilkyWay’shub,we’retheluckyones,whereevolutionhappenedtoachieveitlocally.Whichexplanationismoreplausible,doyouthink?’
WhatdidIthink?Idraggedmyselfbacktothebridgeofideas.
‘Mymoney’sonthelatter.Ifithappenedhere,it’slikelytobesomewhereelse,aswell.’
‘Precisely.It’slikelythatwe’renotalone.Andiftheuniverseproducesus,andcreatureslikeus,whenthesoupiscookedjustright,thenthesetofpositivecharacteristicsbecomestremendouslysignificant.’
‘Forus?’
‘Forus,andinthemselves.’
‘Arewetalkingaboutessentialandcontingentdistinctions?’
Helaughed.
‘Wheredidyoustudy?’heasked,lookingmeover,asifforthefirsttime.
‘Here,atthemoment.’
‘Good,’hesmiled.‘Good.Thereisnodistinctionbetweenthetwo.Everythingiscontingent,andessential,atthesametime.’
‘Idon’tfollowyou,I’msorry.’
‘Let’stakeashortcut,’hesaid,leaningincloseagain,‘becauseI’mdispensingwiththeSocratic-Freudian-question-with-a-question-bullshit.Khaderbhailovedthat,mayhebeatpeace,butIprefertogetitoffmychest,andargueitoutafterwards.Isthatokaywithyou?’
‘Ah…yes.Sure.Please,goahead.’
‘Verywell,hereitis.Ibelievethateveryatominexistencehasasetofcharacteristics,giventoitbylightattheinstantoftheBigBang.Amongthosecharacteristicsisthesetofpositivecharacteristics.Everythingthatexists,intheformofatoms,hasthesetofpositivecharacteristics.’
‘Everything?’
‘Whydoyousaysuchadoubtfulthing?’
‘Doubtful,ordoubting,Idriss?’
Heleanedforwardinhischair,andreachedforthechillum.
‘Doyoudoubtyourself,aswell?’
DidI?Ofcourse,Idid.I’dfallen:Iwasoneofthefallen.
‘Yes.’
‘Why?’
‘Atthemoment,becauseI’mnotpayingforsomethingIdid.’
‘Andthattroublesyou?’
‘Verymuch.Ionlymadeadownpaymentsofar.I’llhavetopaytherestsoonerorlater,onewayoranother,andprobablywithinterest.’
‘Maybeyou’realreadypayingforitnow,andyoudon’tknowit.’
Hewassmiling,andsendinggentlecalmtowardme.
‘MaybeIam,’Isaid.‘Butnotenough,Ithink.’
‘Fascinating,’hesaid,holdingoutthechillumformetolight.‘Howdoyougetonwithyourfather?’
‘Ilovemystepfather.He’skind,andbrilliant.He’soneofthefinesthumanbeingsI’veeverknown.I’vebetrayedhim,withmylife.I’vebetrayedhisintegritywithwhatI’vebecome.’
Ididn’tknowwhyI’dsaidit,orhowthewordshadspilledfromanurnofshame.I’dclosedasteeldooronthehurtI’dcausedthatfineman.Somethingswedotootherskneelsolonginourheartsthatbonebecomesstone:ascarecrowinachapel.
‘Sorry,Idriss.Igotemotional.’
‘Excellent,’Idrisssaidsoftly.‘Haveasmoke.’
Hepassedmethechillum.Ismoked,andsettleddown.
‘Okay,’Idrisssaid,leaningbackandtuckinghisfeetunderhiscalves,‘let’swrapthisupbeforesomenice,sweetfellowcomesalong,withsomegirlfriendproblemthatIhavetolistento.What’sthematterwiththeseyoungpeople?Don’ttheyknowit’ssupposedtobeproblematic?Areyouready?’
‘Please,’Isaid,notreadyatall,‘goahead.’
‘Thesetofpositivecharacteristicsisineveryparticleofmatterinexistence,expressedatitsownlevelofcomplexity,andthemorecomplexthearrangementofthematter,themorecomplexthemanifestationofthesetofpositivecharacteristics.Areyouwithmesofar?’
‘Yes,Iam.’
‘Verywell.Atourhumanlevelofcomplexity,tworemarkablethingshappen.First,wehavenon-evolutionaryknowledge.Second,wehavethecapacitytooverrideouranimalnature,andbehaveliketheuniquehuman-animalsthatweare.Doyousee?’
‘Master!’Silvanosaid,rushingintothespace.‘CanItakeLinwithme,foraminute?Please!’
Idrisslaughedhappily.
‘Ofcourse,Silvano,ofcourse.Gowithhim,Lin.We’llhavemoretalks,later.’
‘Asyousay,Idriss.I’llgothroughmynotes,andbepreparedwhenwetalkagain.’
Silvanorushedthroughthemesa,andontothegentlerpathleadingfromthemountain.
‘Hurry!’hecalled,sprintingahead.
Hebranchedoffontoasidepath,climbingverysteeplytoabreakinthetrees.Therewasaknoll,withaviewtowardthesettingsun.Breathless,puffinghard,westoodsidebysideandstaredattheview.
‘Look!’Silvanosaid,pointingataplacenearthecentreofthehorizon.
Therewasabuilding:achurch,itseemed,withaspire.
‘Wehavenotmissedit.’
Astheredshimmerofthesunbegantoset,raysoflightstrucktheornamentatthetopofthechurchspire.
Fromourvantage,Icouldn’tseewhattheornamentwas,across,oracrosswithinacircle,butthelightradiatingfromthespireforafewmomentswasafieldofcolouredlight,bathingallthehomesandbuildingsinthevalley.
Itvanishedinevening’shaze,asthesunslept.
‘Brilliant,’Isaid.‘Whendidyoufindthis?’
‘Yesterday,’hegrinned,headingbacktothecamp,andhisprotectedsage.‘Iwasdyingtoshowittoyou.Idon’tknowhowlongitwilllast.Maybeanotherdayortwo,beforethegloryisgone.’ChapterForty-Three
WhenwerejoinedthegrouponthemesaIsawStuartVinson,withRannveig,talkingtoIdrissinthesamechairswhereI’dbeensitting.WhatwasitIdrisshadsaid?Somenice,sweetfellowcomesalong,withsomegirlfriendproblemthatIhavetolistento
Ileftthemalonewithhim,anddidsomechoresinthekitchen.IwaswashingdisheswhenVinsonandRannveigjoinedme.Rannveigpickedupateatowel,andbegandryingthedishes.Candlesinmoundslikewaxmodelsofthemountainlitthespacewithyellowlight.Vinsonwatchedusfromthedoorway.Rannveigturnedice-blueeyesonhim.Hejumpedforward,andbeganputtingthedrydishesaway.
‘Youknow,’Isaidtothegirl,‘there’sanalternativetoRannveig,liketherunwayattheairport,inEnglish.YoucanalsobeRannveig,asincatwalkrunway.’
‘Ipreferairports,’shesaidsternly.‘Butthankyouforyourthought.IhaveseenKarla.’
‘Uh-huh?’
‘Iwouldliketotellyouaboutit,butinprivate.Istheresomewherewecango?’
‘Iguess.Sure.’
‘Stuart,’shesaid,givinghimtheteatowel.‘I’mtalkingwithLin,forawhile.Comeandgetme,intwentyminutes.’
Idriedmyhandsandledherfromtheopenkitchentoafallentreethatmanyusedasaplacetoreadorconverse.Wesatdownalone.IlookedatVinson,intheopenkitchen,washingdishescontentedly.
‘Ilied,’Rannveigsaid.
‘Aboutwhat?’
‘Karladidn’tsayordoanythingthatIwouldhavetotellyouprivately.Karlaonlytoldmetotellyouthatshe’llseeyousoon,andthatshewaskeepingthefaith,andchangingthefaitheveryday,justtobesure.’
‘Nice,’Isaid,smiling.‘Whatdoyouwanttotalkabout,Rannveig?’
‘Yourgirlfriend,Lisa,’shesaidintently.
Shewassearchingmyeyes,unsurewhethershe’dcrossedalineornot.
‘Becauseyourboyfrienddiedfromanoverdose,too?’
‘Yes,’shesaid,loweringhereyes,thenraisingthemquicklytolookatVinson.
‘It’sokay,’Isaid.
Sheturnedtofaceme.
‘WhenIheardaboutit,’shesaid,‘Iwasshocked.Ionlymetheronce,butitpunchedmeinthestomach,youknow?’
‘Me,too.Howareyoucoping?’
‘HowdoIlook?’
She’dfilledoutalittle,andtherewasahealthypinkblushinhercheeks.Herstartlingeyes,bluelightthroughblueice,wereclear.Herhands,whichhadfidgetedandcurledintothemselveswheneverI’dseenherbefore,wereascalmassleepingkittensinherlap.
Sheworeasky-blueT-shirt,aman’ssuitvest,andfadedjeans.Herfeetwerebare.Sheworenojewelleryormake-up.Heroval-shapedfacewasdrivenbyastrongnose,andfulllips.
‘Youlookverypretty,’Isaid.
Shefrownedatme.MaybeshethoughtIwascomingontoher.
‘I’mnotcomingontoyou,’Ilaughed.‘I’mtaken,forthisandmanylifetimes,pastandtocome.’
‘Youare?Youfoundsomeoneagain,after–’
‘Before.Andafter.Yeah.’
‘Andyou’reconnectedtosomeone?Likebefore?’
‘Oh,yeah.Butnotlikebefore.’
‘Better?’
‘Better.Andit’llgetbetterforyou.’
ShelookedatVinson,dryingdishes.
‘Myfamily,inNorway,they’reverystrictCatholics.Myboyfriendwaseverythingtheyhated,so,youknow,toshowmyindependenceIfollowedhimtoIndia.’
‘WhatwashedoinginIndia?’
‘Weweresupposedtobegoingtoanashram,butwhenwegottoBombay,wenevermoved.’
‘He’dbeenherebefore?’
‘Afewtimes,yes.Now,Iknowitwasfordrugs,eachtime.’
‘Butithurt,whenhedied.Anditstillhurts,right?’
‘Iwasn’tinlovewithhim,butIlikedhimalot,andIreallytriedtocareforhim.’
‘AndwhataboutVinson?’
‘IthinkI’mfallinginlovewithStuart.It’sthefirsttimeI’veeverfeltlikethisaboutanyone.ButI’mnotlettingmyselfgotohim.Ican’t.Iknowhewantsit,andIwantittoo,butIcan’t.’
‘Well…’
‘Howareyoucopingwithit?’shedemanded,hermouthwidewithpleading.‘Howdidyougetconnectedagain?’
HowdidIgetconnectedagain?Itwasagoodquestion,foramanwhowasamountainawayfromthewomanheloves.
‘Stuartwillbegenerous,Ithink,’Isaid.‘He’llgiveyoutime.There’snorush.FromwhatIcansee,he’smuchhappierthanwhenIfirstmethim.’
‘Hecouldbehappier,’shesighed.‘AndsocouldI.Doyougetstuck,sometimes,inmemories?’
‘Sure.’
‘Youdo?’
‘Sure.It’sanaturalthing.We’reemotionalminds.Andit’sokay,solongasit’saride,andnotawayoflife.Areyouflashingback?’
‘Yeah.Iseehiminmymind,whenIstopthinking.It’slikehe’sstillwithme.’
‘Youknow,theguyyouweretalkingto,thesage,Idriss,hetoldsomeoneyesterdaythattheycanreleaseadepartedspiritbyofferingfood,onaplate,byariver,andleavingitthereforthecrowsandthemicetoeat.’
‘How…howdoesthatwork?’
‘I’mnoexpert,butapparentlytheappeasedspiritsarereleased,tothenextpartofthejourney.’
‘I’dtryanything,atthemoment.WheneverIrelaxandstopthinking,he’srightbesideme.’
I’dstartedtheconversationaboutappeasingdepartedspiritsasadistraction,toraiseherownspirits,butthewordsopenedadoorinhereyes,showinghowafraidshewasinside.Shewasshaking.Shehuggedherself.
‘Listen,Rannveig,youknow,there’sariveryouhavetocross,onthewaybacktothemainroad.I’llprepareaplateforyou,andyoucanleaveitbytheriver,ifyoulike.Didyourboyfriendhaveasweettooth?’
‘Hedid.’
‘Good.There’splentyofsweetspreparedfortonight.Maybeyourboyfriendwillbesohappyhe’llmoveon,andleaveyoualone.’
‘Thankyou.I’lldefinitelytryit.’
‘It’sgonnabeokay,’Isaid.‘Itgetseasier.’
‘Doyoumeditate?’
‘OnlywhenI’mwriting.Why?’
‘I’vebeenthinkingIshouldstartmeditatingorsomething,’shesaidabsently,thenquicklyfoundmyeyesagain.‘Whatdoyouthinkofhim?’
‘Vinson?’
‘Yes,Stuart.Idon’thaveabrotherorfatherheretoaskabouthim.Whatdoyouthinkofhim?’
IlookedatVinson,stackingthelastofthepotsanddishesontheshelves,andwipingdownthelongstainlesssteelsinks.
‘Ilikehim,’Isaid.‘AndI’mabsolutelysurehe’snutsaboutyou.Ifyou’renothissoulmate,Rannveig,youshouldbreakittohim.Soon.Thisisit,forhim.’
‘Doyouevergetdepressed?Stuarttoldmesomethingsaboutyou.Aboutyourlife.Doyouevergetdayswhenyouthinkofsuicide?’
‘Neverincaptivity,andonewayoranother,mostofmylifehasbeenspentincaptivity.’
‘Seriously.Doyoueverhavedayswhenyousimplywantittoend?Allofit,atonce?’
‘Look,suicideandIarenoddingacquaintances.ButI’mmoreyourtill-the-last-dying-breathkindofguy.’
‘Butlifecanbesoshit,sometimes,’shesaid,lookingatmeagain.
‘It’sallgood,eventhebadstuff.It’sallblood,flowingthroughtheheart,andwonderfulminutes,ofwonderfulthings.I’mawriter.Ihavetobelieveinthepoweroflove.Suicideisn’tanoption.’
‘Notforyou.’
‘Andnotforyou.Ifyou’rethinkingaboutit,youcanalsoputsomethoughtintothefactthatyoudon’thavetherighttotakeyourownlife.Nobodydoes.’
‘Whynot?’Rannveigliketherunwayasked,hereyeswide,innocentofthecruel,brokenquestionshe’djustasked.
‘Thinkofitthisway,Rannveig,doesaderangedpersonhavetherighttokillastranger?’
‘No.’
‘No.Andwhensuicideisinyourhead,you’rethederangedperson,andyou’realsothestranger,indangeroftheharmyoumightdotoyourself.Nomatterhowbadthingsget,youdon’thavetherighttokillthestrangerthatyoumightbecome,forawhile,inyourownlife.Therestofyourlifewouldtellyou,atthatpoint,it’snotanoption.’
‘Butyoudon’tgettheblues,ever?’sheasked.
ShewassoearnestthatIwantedtoputmyarmaroundher.
‘Ofcourse.Everybodydoes.Butyou’reyoung,andyourlifeissorich.It’sahoardofminutes.Wedon’thavetherighttodestroythem,orevenwastethem,asI’mdoing.Weonlyhavetherighttoexperiencethem.So,getthatcrapoutofyourhead.Notanoption,okay?Anddon’tstress.It’llpass.Vinson’sagoodguy.He’llwaitaslongasittakesforyoutomakeupyourmind,andgetyourfeelingsright,whicheverwaytheyfall.Everythingwillpass.Getupandfight.’
‘You’reright,Iknow,butsometimesthecloudtakesalongtimetoclearthesun.’
‘You’reaverynice,veryseriousgirl,whowentthroughthesameburningdoorthatIdid.Itknockedyouaround,likeitdidme.You’redoingfine.You’redoinggreat.Lookatme.Iwasrunningaroundtowngettingkickedbythecops.You’resomuchhealthierthanwhenIsawyoulasttime.TalktoIdrissbeforeyouleave.He’sprettycool.’
‘Youareacriminal,’shesaidflatly.
Itwasastatement.
‘Ah…sure.’
‘Canawomanwhoisnotacriminal,loveacriminal?Haveyouseenthis?’
Ihad,butnotoften.
‘Ah…sure.’
Shelookeddoubtful,butIdidn’twanttoconvinceher.
‘You’regonnahavetotalktoVinson,aboutcrimeandpunishment,’Isaid.‘It’snoneofmybusiness,howanothermanmakeshismoneyonthestreet.’
‘DoyouknowthatStuartkilledsomeone?’
‘Youknow,’Isaid,lookingupatthesmallgroupsofpeopletalkinganddoingchoresonthemesa,‘ifwe’regonnatalkaboutVinson,weshouldinviteVinson.’
‘Notnow,’shesaidsoftly.‘Notyet.’
Istood,andshestoodwithme.
‘Doyouwish,’shesaidfalteringly,‘doyouconstantlywishthatyouhaddonesomethingelse?’
‘It’sjustregret,’Isaid.
‘Regret,’sherepeatedabsently.
‘Youknowhowtheyhaveproofoflife,inakidnapping?’
‘Notreally.’
‘Whensomeone’skidnapped,thenegotiatorwantsproofthatthekidnappedpersonisstillalive.Aphonecall,orfilm.Proofoflife.’
‘Okay.’
‘Regretisjustproofofsoul,Rannveig.Ifyoudidn’tfeelit,youwouldn’tbethenicepersonyouare,andVinsonwouldn’tbederangedaboutyou.It’sagoodthing.Andit’sabetterthingwhenitfades,whichitwill,soonenough.’
Wewalkedbacktowardthecentreofthemesa.Vinsonjoinedus,asmilelikeanemptybeachonhisface.
‘I’mgoingtotalktoIdrissnow,Stuart,’Rannveigsaid,walkingpasthim.‘Pleasecollectmeaftertwentyminutes.’
‘Okay,babe,’hesaid,grinningafterher,hiseyesfollowingherlikepuppies
‘Whatbringsyoutothemountain,Vinson?’
‘ItwasRannveig’sidea.ShewastalkingtoKarla.ThatKarla’ssomething,isn’tshe?Idon’tunderstandhalfofwhatshesays.’
‘You’redoin’okaywithhalf.She’sthequickestdrawIeversaw.’
‘Howdidyoumeether?’
‘Shesavedmylife,’Isaid.‘Listen,they’vejuststartedthemainfire.Wecansitthere,whileRannveigtalkstoIdriss.Soundlikeaplan?’
‘Youbet.’
Mostofthestudentsonthemountainwereinvolvedincooking,orpreparingdevotionalidolsforprayers.IaskedoneofthemtopreparetheplateofsweetsforRannveig’sperseveringghost,andtoleaveitwithSilvano.
Therewasno-onesittingbythefire.VinsonandIsatonboxcrates,lookingthroughtheflamesattheflameofVinson’sheart,twentymetresawaywithIdriss,andbeyondsound.
‘Youknow,Lin,’hesaid,turningtome,‘Iwantedtocome,anyway.IwantedtotellyouhowsorryIamforyourloss.Lisawasafinegirl.’
‘Thanks,Vinson.YouwereattheserviceKarlaorganised.ThisisthefirstchanceI’vehadtotellyou,Iappreciateit.’
‘Itwasnothing.Wewerehonouredtoattend,man.’
‘How’sRannveigdoing?’
‘Well,’hesaid,scratchingathisshortbeard,andstretchinghismouthintoastrugglewithwords.
Hesighed,andlethishandsfalltohisthighs.
‘She’shurt.She’sreallyhurt.Ithink,sometimes,thatmaybeIshouldgetsomeprofessionalhelp,agriefcounsellor,butthen,like,IalwayscomebacktothefactthatnobodywillevercareaboutherasmuchasIdo.’
‘ExceptforRannveigherself.’
‘Yeah,ofcourse,kinda,whenshe’sbetter.’
‘Now,actually.’
‘But,like,she’snotahundredpercentyet,man.’
‘Shehastobeherownprincipalcaregiver,Vinson,justlikeyouareforVinson,see?Cutherasmuchslackassheneeds.Letherexplore.’
‘Explore?’
‘Whatevershewantstodo,ortry,supportherinit.Justgivehertime,andspace.Ifshe’syours,soonerorlatershe’llcometoknowit.’
Advice,fromamanwhowasn’twiththeonlywomanheeverloved,becausehecouldn’treachoutfromashadowofthelost.WhothehellwasItogiveadvice?
‘WhothehellamItogiveadvice,man?’Isaid.‘Doyourbest,Vinson.Wemessup.Weallmessup.We’llprobablyneverstopmessingup.Butifwejustkeepdoingourbest,soonerorlaterit’sgottabegoodenoughforsomebody.AmIright?’
‘Amentothat,brother!’hesaid,slappinghandswithme.‘Youknow,IsawConcannontheotherday.IwasinNullBazaar,visitingoneofmydealers.Hecameinwithafewguys.Hewaswalkingwithastick.It’sblack,withasilverskullforaknob.Prettycool,althoughIwouldn’tmindbettinghe’sgotaswordinit.’
‘Nodoubt.Didhesaywherehewasstaying?’
‘No.ButIheardarumourhe’sgotaplacewayout,inKhar.Butit’sonlyarumour.There’salottarumoursfloatingaroundaboutthatguy.Heaskedaboutyou.’
‘Whatdidhesay?’
‘Where’stheAustralianconvict?’
‘Whatdidyoutellhim?’
‘Isaid,Isthatatrickquestion?Luckyforme,he’sgotasenseofhumour.Igotouttatherepronto,man.Thatguywasokay,whenImethim,kinda,butnow,like,awholecityisn’tfarenoughaway.’
‘Don’tstressaboutConcannon.There’salineaheadofyouthere.’
IdrissandRannveigstoodup.Wewalkedaroundthefiretojointhem.Silvanowasastepbehind,therifleonhisshoulder.
‘You’resureyouwon’tstaythenight?’Idrissaskedher,holdingherhandsinhis.
‘Thankyou,sir,no.Stuart’smaidhasabadcough,andIwanttobesuresheisokay.Shehasbeensokindtome,andthereisno-oneathomewithheruntilwereturn.’
‘Verywell,pleasegiveherourblessings.Andcomeagain,wheneveryouwish.’
Sheknelttotouchtheearthbeforetheteacher’sfeet.Vinsonshookhandsamiably.
‘Thankyouforyourhospitality,sir,’hesaid.
‘Youaremostwelcome,’Idrisssaid.
Silvanodrewtwoyoungmentohisside.
‘Thesetwomenarewalkingdownnowbythesaferpath,’hesaid.‘Theywillguideyou,onetorchinfront,andonetorchbehind.’
‘They’vegottheplateoffoodforthesweettoothspirit,’Itoldher.‘It’swrappedinredcloth.They’llgiveittoyouatthebase,andtellyourdriverwheretostop.You’llfindtheriverbankbytorchlight.’
‘Thankyou,’shesaiddreamily.‘Thankyouforeverything.’
Theysaidtheirfarewells,andwalkedintothedarknessbeyondthefire.
AndIdreamedofthem,thatnight,andafewtimesintheweekthatfollowed.AndDidiervisitedmydreams,remindingmeofthepriorities.AndAbdullah,theshadow-rider,visiteddreamsthatracedoverrooftops.AndLisa,callingtomeinechoesofsorrowandremorse,hersandmine.
Theworldbelowthemountainwaschanging,ofcourse,aseverythingdoes,butIcouldn’tconnecttoit,exceptinthosedreams.Iwasn’tjustphysicallyseparatedfromthelifeI’dmademyown,andthepeoplewho’dbecomemysocietyoffriends:themountainwasmyheart’sretreatfromthatworld,anditfadedinthatcleaner,clearerair,onlyforcingitswaybackthroughvisitorsanddreams.
Theywereharddreams.Theywokeme,mostnightsandmornings,beforethesunandsongbirdscouldeasemefromsleep.Andthedream-wordsthatwokemethatnightwereRannveig’s,askingmeaboutregret.
Isatup,listeningtonightsoundsintheforest.Afiguredressedinarobeaswhiteasthestonesbeneathhisfeetwalkedacrossthecourtyardofthemesa.
ItwasIdriss,carryinghislongstaff.Hestoppedattheedgeoftheclearing,whereabreakinthetreelinegaveaviewofthecity’slightsonthehorizon.
Hestoodthereforawhile,appeasingspiritsofhisown,perhaps,orwalkinghisowntightropebetweenattritionandcontrition.Thenhewalkedbacktohiscaveslowly,hisfacedrawninsadness,andhisstepsquietontheshiftingstones.
Regretisaghostoflove.Regretisanicerselfthatwesendintothepastfromtimetotime,eventhoughweknowit’stoolatetochangewhatwesaid,ordid.Wedoitbecauseit’shuman:athingofourkind.Wedoitbecausewecare,drawnbythreadsofshamethatonlyfrayandwitherintheseaofregret.
Alongthewayregret,evenmorethanlove,teachesusthatharmcreatesharm,andcompassioncreatescompassion.Andhavingdoneitswork,regretfadestothenothingthatallthingsbecome.
Ilayback,wonderingifRannveighadplacedthefoodbesidetheriveronherwayhomefromthemountain,andifthespiritshewasresurrectingwithremorsewasfreetoleaveher,inpeace.ChapterForty-Four
Isawmanyvisitorssweattheirwayintothemountaincamp,andglowlikestonesinclearwaterwhentheystrolledoutagain.Theteacherwasalwaysgentleandserene.Nothingdislodgedhisbenignsmile.Nothinginterruptedhistranceofpatientempathy.Until,thatis,hewaswithSilvanoandme,playingcardsbehindtheshowerscreen.
Hisequanimitycapsizedinthecardroom-washroom,andhesworeoathsagainststupidityandcursedthemalignantlyuninformed
Thedevoteesbeyondthecurtaincouldhearhistiradesandcursing,butthethinsheetwasenoughtopreservethedignitythatneverfailedwhenIdrisswasinpublic,andtheheirtotheireyes.
Itwasapeacefulenoughplace:anopenprison.Therewasnoauthority,andnowallsbutthoseyouhadtoclimbinside.YetthechainsthatboundthedevoteeswholivedwithIdrisswerenolesssevere.
Theylovedhim,andcouldn’tleavehimwithoutweepingdistress.Mindyou,hewasaneasymantolove.
‘Non-evolutionaryknowledge,’hesaid,inoneofourrare,undisturbedhours,twoweeksafterI’darrivedonthemountain.‘Summarise.’
‘Again,Idriss?’
‘Again,impudentintellect,’hesaid,leaningclosesothatIcouldrelighthisjoint.‘Knowledgeisn’tknowledge,untilthetruthofitisself-evidentinthesharing.Again.’
‘Okay,inaworldwhereapplesfallfromtrees,it’ssufficientevolutionaryknowledgetostepoutofthewayfromfallingapples,ortocatchone,orpickoneupoffthegroundandeatit.Alltheotherstuffweknow,liketherateatwhichitfalls,andthecalculationsthatallowustolandacraftonMars,isnon-evolutionary.Notrequired,forevolutionarypurposes.So,whydowehaveit?Andwhat’sitfor?Isthatafairsummary?’
‘C-plus.Youleftoutthatifyouextrapolateallthebranchesofnon-evolutionaryknowledge,allthesciences,artsandphilosophytotheirlogicalextremes,yougetknowledgeabouthoweverythingdoeseverything.’
‘And?’
‘Well,initself,nothingatall.Atthemoment,forexample,basedonourrecordhereonEarth,thesciencesandphilosophiesaregivingusthemeanstoannihilateourselves,andmostoftheotherspecieswithus.So,initself,allourknowledgemeansnothing.But,combinedwithourcapacitytooverrideouranimalnature,andtoexpressouruniquelyhumannature,whichisaverynicenature,asithappens,itiseverything.’
‘I’mnotseeingit.’
‘You’relookingrightatit,butyou’renotseeingit.Allanimalshaveananimalnature.Wehaveananimalnaturethat’sprettyclosetothatofbonobos,I’mgladtosay,butjustlikebonobosdo,weactlikechimpswhenwe’reunderextremestress.’
‘Andthat’souranimalnature?’
‘Prettymuch.Butunlikechimpsandbonobos,wedon’talwayshavetodothat.Wehavethecapacitytomodifythewaywebehave.Achimp,isachimp,isachimp.Butahumanbeingcanbeanythingthatheorshewantstobe.’
‘How,exactly?’
‘Whenweexpressourtrulyhumannature,wecreatehumane-humanthingsthatdon’texistintheanimalworld.Thingslikedemocracy,andjustice.There’snoDemocraticFrontofChimpanzees.There’snoCourtofJusticeforlionsandzebras.’
‘Iguessnot,but–’
‘Wehumans,uniquely,canshapeourbehaviourwithideas,andfeelings,anddevotionandart.Thingsthatcomefromnowhereelsebutourhumanity.Wemakeourselves,don’tyouunderstand?’
‘There’splentyofanimalnatureondisplay,Idriss,’Isaid.‘I’veputsomeofitondisplaymyself.’
‘Ofcourse,ouranimalnatureexpressesitselfveryfrequently,andnotalwayspleasantly.Mostofthebadnews,anywhere,causedbyman,isouranimalnature,expressingitselfwithoutconstraint.Butthestuffintheartspagesandthesciencepagesofthesamenewspaper,hasmoretodowithourhumane-humannature.’
‘Idon’tseealotofgood,whereIwork.’
‘Wecanbeanythingwewanttobe,includingangels.Thebestthatwecando,whenwe’redeterminedtodowellbyoneanother,isunmatchedinthenaturalworld.Andwhenourhumane-humanselvesreleaseourmindsfromvanity,andgreed,wewillnotonlyachievemiracles,we’llbethemiraclesthatwe’redestinedtobe.’
Itwasalongspeech,andaswithmanyofhislongerspeeches,heendeditwithaquestion.
‘WhatisyourunderstandingofthedifferencebetweenFateandDestiny?’
Fate,Karlaoncesaid,andDestiny,hisTwinSister
‘Ijustcan’tlivewiththenotionthatwe’renotincontrolofourowndestiny,andthatFatecanplaywithus,likesomanytoysoldiers.’
‘Fatedoesn’tplaywithus,’Idrisssaid,finishingajoint.‘Faterespondstous.’
‘How?’
Helaughed.
Itwasadaysobright,immaculateheavensoblue,thatwewerebothwearingsunglasses.Hecouldn’tseemyeyes,andIcouldn’tseehis.Ithelped,becauseveryoften,whenIstaredintohisleaf-browneyeslongenough,Ifelllikeakidintoacreek,andhadtothinkfasttocatchup,whenaquestionshookmefromthestream.
Thestudentsanddevoteestalkedandlaughedintheshade,allthechoresdonefortheday.Theskyseemedtohovermuchhigherthanitusuallydid,asiftherewasmorespaceandlight.
‘YouwanttoknowhowFateworks,becauseyouwanttofightwithFate,isn’tit?’Idrissasked.‘Yourinstinctistofight,ifyoufeelyourselfunderthreat.YouthinkthatFateisfightingwithyou,andyouwanttogainanadvantageinthestruggle.AmIright?’
‘I’dliketowininafairfight,butIgetthefeelingthatFatecheats.’
‘AndhowdoesFatecheat?’
‘IthinkFateandTimehaveathinggoingon.They’repartnersincrime.’
‘Definitely,’helaughed.‘FateisanothernameforKarma,whichisanothernameforTime,whichisanothernameforLove.Allofthemarenamesforatendencyfield,whichpermeatestheuniverse.Infact,it’snottoomuchtosaythatitistheuniverse.’
‘Atendencyfield,Idriss?’
‘Atendencyfield.’
‘What’sitmadeof,thistendencyfield?’
‘Darkenergy,probably,butit’snotwhatit’smadeofthatcounts.It’swhatitisthatmatters,justasalltheatomsthatyourbodyismadeofarenotwhatyouare.’
‘Okay,adarkenergytendencyfield,’Isaid,tryingtofollow.‘Andwhatdoesitdo?’
‘Thetendencyfieldiswhatdrivesthemovementtowardcomplexity,andithasdonesosincethesingularity.Inthatsense,itistheuniverse.Whenconsciousself-awarenessoccurs,emergingfromsufficientcomplexity,alinkisestablishedbetweenthetendencyfieldandeachindividualconsciousnessthatengageswithit.’
‘Whatkindofalink?’
‘ThetendencyfieldiswhatrespondstoourinstinctfortheDivine.Wecan’tknowtheDivine,directly.Wecan’tdirectlyknowtheSourceofthisuniverse,anditstendencyfield,andalltheotherinfiniteuniverseslikethisone,infinitelyexpandinglikeflowersandshrivellingagaintonothing,andbloomingagain,inagardenofeternalcreation,somewhereinthemindofGod.Wecan’tknowthat.Wedon’tevenknowallthereistoknowaboutourownuniverse,letalonetheinfinitemultiverse,ortheDivinethatcreatedit.Butwecanknowthetendencyfieldverydirectly,anytimewewant.’
‘How?’
Idrisslaughedagain,andlitanotherjoint.
‘Isn’tityourturntotalk?’
Hemockedmegentlyatleastonceineverytalk:tokeepmeonmygame,perhaps,ortoprovokemeintoarevelation.Everyguru,eventhosewhotellyoutherearenogurus,isanexcellentpsychologist,skilledintheprovocationoftruth.
‘Idointerruptalot,Idriss,andI’msorry,butonlywhenIdon’tunderstand.Rightnow,Igotit.Please,goahead.’
‘Verywell,’hesaid,relaxingagainwithhisfeettuckedupbeneathhiminthecanvaschair.‘Let’sdothisthing.AttheBigBang,somecharacteristicswereimpartedtothebornuniverse.Space,forexample,andtime,andmatter,andgravitation,allexamplesofcharacteristicsimpartedtotheuniversebytheBigBang.Andthetendencyfield,whichdrivesthetendencytowardcomplexity,wasanotherofthecharacteristicsimpartedattheBigBang.Ialsowanttosaythatthesetofpositivecharacteristicswasimpartedtoeveryparticleofmatter,aswell.You’rewithmesofar?’
‘Space,time,matter,gravitation,classicalphysics,particlephysics,tendencyfield,positivecharacteristics,allimpartedintheBirth-Bang.’
‘Yes,’hechuckled.‘Conciselyput.Thetendencyfieldoperatesonaverysimplesemi-Booleanprogram–IfThis,ThenThat–whichrunseverything,everywhere.Thebasicalgorithm,ifthishappens,thenthathappens,runseverything,includingentropy.Ifithappensthatafullyself-awareconsciousnessarises,thentheconnectiontothetendencyfieldhappens.’
‘Doesn’tentropyruncountertocomplexity?’
‘No.Entropyrunscountertoorder.Andanyway,infiniteentropyonlyappliesinaclosedsystem.Andwithblackholesinouruniverse,leadingwhoknowswhere,thisisn’taclosedsystem.’
‘Sorrytogoback.Youmean,nomatterwhatyoudoinlife,goodorbad,youcanalwaysconnecttothistendencyfield?’
‘Ifyougetintunewiththetendencyfield,throughexpandingandexploringthesetofpositivecharacteristicswithinyourself,thetendencyfieldrespondswithconstantenergy,andaffirmations.Ifyouworkagainstthetendencyfield,bybeingnegative,unfair,unloving,andunconsciousofthetruth,youweakenyourconnectiontothetendencyfield,andyouexperienceexistentialdread,nomatterhowrichorfamousorpowerfulyouare.’
‘Existentialcalm,insteadofdread?Isthatwhatyou’resaying?’
‘Ifyouremainconnectedtothetendencyfield,youhaveserenity.Lifeisconnection,theworldisconnection,andbotharealwaysimpoverishedbydisconnection.’
‘JustabouteveryoneIknow,outsideofmyclosefriends,hassomekindofexistentialdread.Isn’titapartofthehumancondition?’
‘Nothingisapartofthehumancondition,butourcommonhumanity.Afewhundredofuswewere,whenwebegan.Afewhundred,withnoclawsorsavageteethbutthosewecutfromthepredatorsthattriedtopreyuponus.Welearned,throughcooperationandlove,tofearnocreature,andnoplaceonlandorsea.Wearemagnificent,andwearemalignant.Butwecanbeanythingwewantourselvestobe,fromkillersofneighbours,tosavioursofdistantneighboursinourgalaxy.Wecanshapeourdestiny.Wehavethetools.Wecan–’
Acommotionamongthestudentsdrewtheholyman’sattention.WeturnedtoseethatNaveenandDivahadarrivedonthemountain.Theyweretalkingwiththesmallcrowd.
‘Whataprettygirl,’Idrisssaidquietly.‘Doyouknowher?’
‘Hername’sDivyaDevnani,butIsuggestthatyoucallherDiva.’
‘IsherfatherMukeshDevnani,theindustrialist?’
‘Thesame.’
‘Thenshemustbeintrouble.Introduceme,please.’
‘Yes,sir.’
Imadetheintroductions.WhenIdrisstookDivabythehandandledhertothecomfortabledeckchairI’dvacated,IwalkedNaveentositwithmeonthelogwhereRannveigsatwithme,weeksbefore,talkingcrimeandpunishment.
Naveenopenedthediscussionwithcrime,andpunishment.
‘Concannon’smovinghisdopegigaround,’hesaidwhenwesatdown.‘It’samoveablebeast,andhardtopindown,butI’mstartingtogetalineonhim.Andthere’sacontractoutonRanjit.’
‘Youdon’tsay.Howmuchisit?’
Naveenlookedatme,allstraight-arrowdetective.
‘Whydoyouwanttoknow?’
‘Justcurious,’Isaid,smiling.‘Ifthere’sapot,I’vegotsomefriendswho’dliketothrowafewbucksin.’
‘Matteroffact,thereis,’hesmiled.‘Legendhasit,alocalcontractorandalocalpoliticianweretryingtooutbideachothertohavehimkilled,butthenjoinedforces,todoublethepot.’
‘ThatshouldkeephimoutofBombayforawhile.CheckwithanyonewhoknowsGoa,ifyoucan.I’vegotsomefriendsfromtheCompanyinDelhi.I’llaskaround,andseeifhe’shidingthere.’
‘Hell,yeah.Onanotherfront,thereweretwofightsbetweenSanjayCompanyandScorpionguysinColabalastweek.Shotsfired.Twoshopswrecked.ThatlittlewartheScorpionsstartedatLeo’sgothotter.OneoftheirhousesonMarineLineswasburneddown.Inretaliation,thenewspaperssay.Afemalenursediedinthefire.There’sahelluvaracketinthepress.Sanjaywasdetained,buttheylethimgo.Lackofevidence.’
I’dbeeninthathouse.IknewthatVishnu’swifewasill.That’swhyanursewasinthemansion;anurse,whodied.IknewthatVishnuwouldn’tstopuntilthefirewasburninginfrontofSanjay’seyes.
‘Oh,andyourfriendAbdullahisback,’Naveenadded.‘Hesaidthathe’llmeetyou,whenyougetoffthemountain.Buthesaidtostayhere,atleastanotherweek.’
‘Anotherweek?’
‘That’swhathesaid.’
‘Damn,thatwasanewsreport.Thanksforcominguphere,totellme.’
‘Actually,’hesaid,smiling,‘wecameupherewithafriendofyours.’
Isearchedhiseyes.Henodded.
‘Whereisshe?’
‘Inthatsecondcave,overthere.Sheaskedmetogiveherafewminutesbeforetellingyou,andnobodysaysnotoKarla!’ChapterForty-Five
Iranacrosstheslipperywhitestones,stoppingbeforetheentrancetothecave.Iglimpsedinside.Shewassittingonawoodenstool,examiningasilverfigurineoftheGoddessLakshmirestinginherpalm.
Istoodintheentrancetothecave,facingthewindasshe’ddone,thefirsttimeI’dseenheronthemountain.
‘Tellmeajoke,Karla.’
Sheturnedslowlytolookatme.Fromthecornerofmyeye,Icouldseethatshewassmiling.
‘So,’Iasked,‘yougotajoke,ordon’tyou?’
‘Okay.Whydocopscallinformerstwo-slappers?’
‘ThreeweeksIhaven’tseenyou,andyougivemecopjokes?’
‘It’ssixteendaysandeighthours.Youwantajoke,ordon’tyou?’
‘Okay.Whydocopscallinformerstwo-slappers?’
‘Becauseyougottahitthemonce,tostartthemtalking,andhitthemagain,toshutthemup.’
‘Comehere,’Isaid.
Shekissedme,armsaroundmyneck,legsstretchedtotoes,herbodypressedtomineliketwotreesgrownasone.
‘I’msogladtoseeyou,’Isaid.‘What’swiththetenminutesNaveenhadtostallme?’
‘Iwasalittlehotfromtheclimb,andIwantedtolookcool.Foryou.’
‘Let’sgosomeplace.’
ItookKarlatoSilvano’sPoint,wherewesatonstonygrasswithawideviewofthetreesbelow.Abreezehitthecliffinwaves,rollingupfromthevalleyingustsofwarmair.Treesonthecliff-edgeswayed,sprinklingfeatheredshade.
‘Tellmeeverything,’shesaid.
‘That’sfunny.Iwasjustgoingtoaskyouthesamething.’
‘No,yougofirst.’
‘There’snotmuchtoreport.It’sgenerallyprettyquiet.It’skindoflikeathemepark,uphere,forpeoplewholikehousework.They’rebigonchores.’
‘How’sthatworkingout?’
‘Okay.Ipreferchorestorules.’
‘Thanksforstaying,Shantaram.Iloveyouforit.Iknowit’snotwhereyouwantedtobe.’
Shehadn’texplainedwhyshewantedmeoutofthecity,andIdidn’taskher.Iwasjustgladthatshewaswithme.
‘It’sneverboring,though.AlotofpeoplecomeuptoseeIdriss,andonlystayforanhourortwo.’
‘Whatkindofpeople?’
Sherelaxed,leaningonherpalms,andsmilinghappilyinthesunlight.
‘Therewasapoliticianuphereacoupleofdaysago.HehadanO.K.Corralofgunsandbodyguards.Hewantedadvice.Idrisstoldhimtogiveuphisbodyguards,andarmouredcars,andwalkamongthepeopleinasimpleshirt,trousersandsandals.’
‘Whatdidthepoliticiansay?’
‘Thepoliticiansaidthatifhedidthat,he’dbemurdered.There’syourproblem,Idrisssaid.Goandsolveit.’
‘Ilovethatguy,’shesaid.‘Heshoulddostand-up.’
‘AndhalfadozenShivasadhuscameandstayed.Theypreferredtheiroxygensmoked,arguedwithIdrissdayandnight,andstartedwavingtheirShivatridentsovertheirheads,threateningtokilleverybody.Intheend,SilvanoandIhadtohandleit.’
‘WithSilvano’srifle?’
‘Ofcoursenot.Youcan’tshootholymen.Wepaidthemtoleave.’
‘Smartmove.How’sitbeen,withSilvano?’
‘Great.He’sagoodguy.’
‘Iknewyou’dlikehim,becausehe’salotlikeyou.’
‘Likeme?’
‘Oh,yeah.’
Ithoughtaboutit,butnotforlong.
‘Ilikehim.I’dlikehimonourteam.’
‘Ourteam?We’vegotateam?’
‘I’vebeengivingitsomethought.I’vebeenthinkingwecould–’
‘Let’stalkaboutthatlater,’shesaid.‘How’sitgoingwithIdriss?’
Iwantedtotalkaboutus,andwhatweweregoingtodotogetherintheIslandCity,orawayfromit.Iwantedtotalkaboutus,andIwantedtokissher.
‘I’drathertalkaboutus,’Ismiled.
‘How’sitgoingwithIdriss?’sherepeated.
‘Idriss…isprettycool,Igottaadmit.’
‘Hasheopenedanydoorsforyou?’
Abigquestion,andafunnyoneatthat:Ispentmostofmylifeclosingdoors,anddoingeverythingIcouldtokeepthemclosed.TherewastoomuchofthepastthatIdidn’twanttoremember.
‘Doorsinthemind,certainly,’Isaid.‘Butifyoumean,amIatransformedman?No,it’sstillme.’
Shelookedoutattheview:thevalleyandthespiredvillage,shimmeringinthedistance.
‘DidyoufindMadameZhou?’Iasked.
‘She’sgonetoground,’Karlareplied,lookingatthepointwhereearthstrainstokissthesky.
‘Nothingatall?’
‘No-one’sseenherorheardfromhersinceDidierandNaveenstartedaskingaround.She’sprobablystillhere.She’scunning.Ifshedoesn’twanttobefound,she’sinvisible.’
‘Nobody’sinvisible.Ifshe’sstillaround,we’llfindher.NaveengavemeamessagefromAbdullah.He–’
‘Toldyoutowaithereatleastanotherweek.Abdullahcalled,andtoldme.That’swhyIpulledNaveenupherewithme.’
‘AndDiva?’
‘That’ssomethingelse.IwantedhertomeetIdriss.IhaveplansforDiva,andsomethingtellsmethatIdrissisacosmicconnection.’
‘Speakingofcosmicconnections,’Isaid,pullingherontopofmetokissher
Earth-smellthroughherhair.Thesuntouchinguswithwarmlightbreakingthroughleaves,andwindsrushingtreesonthecliffwithhotbreath.Karla.
‘Canwesleepheretonight,Shantaram?’
‘Wecansleepherenow.’
‘Good.Thenlet’sgobacktothekids,andplaynice.’
‘Well…I…’
WeplayednicewithNaveenandthestudents.IdrisskeptDivainconversationfortwohours,andtheninsistedthatthepoorlittlerichgirlstaythenight,inapoorlittlepoorgirlcave,withtheothergirlsonthemountain.
Divasurprisedmebyagreeingimmediately,andthenunsurprisedmebysendingNaveenbacktothecartofetchheressentialsupplies.
Whenwe’deatendinner,andcleanedthedishes,somestudentsleftforthenight,andothersretiredtothecaves,tostudyorsleep.Thenightowls,myfriends,sataroundthefire,andsippedtoo-sweetblacktea,lacedwithrum.
IstoodtosaygoodnighttoIdrissandSilvano,sittingwithme,ontheothersideofthefire.
Naveen,Diva,andKarlatalkedandlaughedtogether,firelightpaintingmysteriousbeauty.
‘ThatDivaisaremarkableyoungwoman,’Idrisssaidsoftly,asshelaughedatsomethingKarlasaid.
InherprivateconversationwithIdriss,Divahadmadethesagelaughsohardthathegotthegiggles,andcouldn’tstop.Watchingherlaughingbythefire,theholymanchuckledagain.
‘Don’tyouthinkshe’sremarkable?’
Ilookedather,sittingnexttoKarla.Icouldn’tseeit.
‘Iseeaveryspoiltgirl,’Isaid.‘Smart,pretty,andspoilt.’
‘Youmightberight,now,’Idrisslaughed.‘Butthinkofwhatshewillbecome,andwhatshecouldachieve.’
Heretiredforthenight,Silvanoathisside.
AsIjoinedtheothers,DivadraggedKarlabytheelbow,andtheywalkedofftogethertositinthecanvaschairsthatfacedtheeasternforest.
Icouldjustseetheirprofiles,dippingpasttheedgesofthechairsastheytalked.IsatdownwithNaveen.
‘Goodtoseeyousmiling,man,’heobserved.
‘WasIsmiling?’
‘Youweresmiling.Well,beforeKarlaleftyouwere.’
Heproddedatthefirewithastick,throwingupbrittlesparks.
‘What’sonyourmind,kid?’
‘Itcanwaittillmorning,’hesaid,pesteringthefire.
‘Notimelikethepresent.What’sup?’
‘I’mworriedabouther,’hesaid,glancingupatthegirlssittinginthecanvaschairs,justoutofhearing,exceptfortheirlaughter.
‘Karla?’
‘No,’hefrowned.‘Diva.’
‘What’stheproblem?’
‘Herfathergotmixedupwithsomeverybadguys.I’mtalkingsupremelybadguys.It’slongmoney,andthey’vegotshorttempers.’
‘Waitaminute.MukeshDevnaniisoneoftherichestguysinBombay.’
‘Hetookinalotofblackinvestmentmoneyfromsomewhere.Hewantedtomovefrombuildingconventioncentrestobuildingwholetownsandcities,straightofftheplan.Theonlypeoplewiththerealmoneytomakethatdreamcometrue–’
‘–weretheshort-temperedguys.Andnowtheywanttheirmoneyback,withinterest.’
‘Right.It’saweirdthingthatRanjitismixedupinthis.’
‘Ranjit?How?’
‘HewasrunningacampaigninhisnewspapersagainstoneofthebignewcitiesthatMukeshwassettobuild.Thescarestoriesforcedthegovernmenttochangecourse,andcancelMukesh’spermits.Thewholethingstartedfallingapart.It’sgottensobadthatwhenthecopscometohismansion,weneverknowifit’stoprotecthimorarresthim.’
‘Hehastopayup,Naveen,evenifitbankruptshim.’
‘That’swhatIsay.That’swhatItoldhim,respectfully.Butthere’ssomehitch.Idon’tknowwhatitis.Idon’tgetuptothemansioninJuhuveryoftennow.IputthistogetherinthefewchancesIgottorummagearoundinhisoffice.IthinkDiva…Ithinkshe’sakidnap,waitingtohappen.HerMotherdiedsixyearsago.She’shisonlychild.Hisonlyheir.It’sawayforhisenemiestohurthim.It’sjustlogic,inatwistedway.I’mworried,man.’
‘Youreallythinkit’sthatbad?’
‘Ido.I’m…alittlefreakedout.Thisisovermyhead,andIreallycareaboutthisgirl,evenifIthinkherfatherisaprick.’
‘Takeheroutofthecity.’
‘I’vetried.Sheknowsthatsomething’supwithherdad.Shewon’tleave.’
‘Youcouldhideher,forawhile.’
‘How?Where?She’sfamous,man.IspendmoretimedodgingthepressthanIdododgingbadguys.Andshelovesit.Ihadtobanthephone.Shewascallingthepaparazziandtellingthemwhereshe’dbe.Sheknowsthemonafirstnamebasis.Shebuysthemroundsofdrinks.She’sagodmothertooneoftheirkids.’
Ilaughed,butthensawthathewasstilltooseriousforlaughter.
‘Shethinksdiscretionisanythingthatdoesn’tinvolveskywriting,whichshe’sdone,forhereighteenthbirthdayparty.Shetoldme.It’llbethesamewherevershegoes.’
‘Youcouldhideherintheslum,’Isuggested.‘Ifshe’sgameforit.Ihidtheremyselfonce,foreighteenmonths,andit’soneofthesafestplacesI’veeverbeeninmylife.’
‘Wouldtheytakeherin?’
‘Theheadman’safriend.Andhelovesaparty.He’sgonnaloveDiva.Butit’snotforeverybody,andDivacertainlyisn’teverybody.’
‘Areyouserious,abouttheslum?’
‘UnlessyoucanthinkofabetterplacetohideaBombayDivafromthemaddingcrowd?Butnopromises.Ihavetorunitbymyfriend,first.’
Helookedagainatthegirls.KarlaandDivawerehonkingwithlaughter,coveringtheirmouthsandnosestosmotherthenoise.
Theyweredrinkingsomething.Itlookedgood.
‘Listen,Naveen,ifyoustillthinkit’sagoodideawhenIcomedownfromthemountain,I’llaskJohnnyCigaraboutit.Okay?’
‘I’mnotsurehowI’dtosellittoDiva,butokay.Yeah.Pleasedoit,Lin.IwanteverychoiceI’vegot,ifthingsgobadwithherfather’sfriends.’
‘Yougotit,Naveen.Let’sfindoutwhatthegirlsaredrinking.’
Wetalkedtogetherforawhile,fourfriendsboundinfearasmuchasinfaith;incomradeshipasmuchascompanionship.
Atthefirstbreakinlaughing-talk,KarlaandIsaidgoodnight,gatheredabatchofblankets,somewaterandalunchbox,andwalkedbytorchlighttoSilvano’sPoint.
Isetupabowerforus,usingtwoblanketsaslean-shelters,andpaddingthegroundwiththerest.Wesettledonhipsandelbows.Iopenedthelunchboxtoshowcoldfriedpakodas,pineapple,cashewandlentilcakes,afewhandfulsofnuts,andBengalicustardinsmallclaypots.
Shecloseditagain,andemptiedherpurse,throwingtwohipflasks,acigarettecaseandagoldcigarettelighterwithasmallwatchsetintoitontotheblanket.Thehandsonthewatchweresetattwenty-threeminutespastmidnight.
‘Thewatchonyourlighterhasstopped,’Isaid,reachingforit.
‘Don’twindit,’shesaidquickly.‘Ilikeitthatway.’
‘Karla,I’llbebackinaweek,andI’vebeen–’
‘Letmegofirst,’shesaid.
‘Okay.’
‘I’mputtingsomemoneyintoabusinessventurewithDidierandNaveen.They’regoingtoexpandthedetectivebusiness,andIthinkthey’reontosomething.’
‘Okay,butIwasactuallythinkingofablackmarketmoneyfranchise.I’vegotthecontacts,andIcanbuytheircash,ifnottheirloyalty.Icanmakeagoodlivingforus.’
‘I’vegotmoney.’
‘Andyoushouldkeepit.’
‘Wedon’tknowhowlongwe’llbehereinBombay,’shesaid,takingasipfromaflaskandpassingittome.‘Let’senjoythisrideasmuchaswecan,andassafelyaswecan.’
‘Thedetectivebusinessisn’tonthetoptenlistofsafeoccupations.I’mprettysureit’snotonthetophundred.’
‘It’sstillwayabovecrimeandpunishment,Shantaram.’
Crime,andpunishment.HowmanytimeshadIheardorthoughtthatphrase,thatechoofFate’slaugh,inthelastfewdays?Howmanytimesdoesittake?
‘Idon’tseeaplaceformeinthatset-up,Karla.’
‘You’reasilentpartner,’shesaid.‘Likeme.’
‘Iam?’
‘Thesilenterthebetter.’
‘Silenter?’
‘YoutalktopeoplethatDidierandNaveencan’treach.Ifwehavetotalktothoseguys,who’sgonnadothatbutyou,orme?Whynotyouandmetogether?’
‘Karla,’Ismiled,wantingtotakeherclothesoff,andmyclothesoff,andstoptalking.‘Ican’tmovefromcommittingcrimestosolvingthem.Myskill-setisonthevillainside.’
‘We’respecialising,’Karlasaid,takinganothersipfromtheflask,‘inmissingpersons.’
‘Karla,’Ilaughed.‘Youandme,wearemissingpersons.’
Shelaughedagain.
‘Casesthatthecopshavegivenupon,’shesaid.
‘Ifthecopsgaveup,there’sprobablyagoodreason.’
Sheselectedajointfromthebrasscase,andlitit.
‘Notnecessarily.Sometimestheyjustwantthecasetogoaway,andacasethatcouldgetsolvedgoesunsolved.Andsometimesthey’repaidtolooktheotherway.Runawayhusbands,missingbrides,prodigalsons,we’retheofficeoflastresort,forlostloves.’
‘Idon’tseeanymoneyinit,Karla.I’dbelivingonyourdollar,itseemstome.’
‘Thereprobablywon’tbeanydollars.Notyet.It’llcostmorethanitmakes.Butprivatesecurityandprivatedetectionwillboom,inthiscountry.It’sagoodbet.Andfortunately,I’vegotenoughchipstoplaythegame,forawhile.Ifitbugsyou,keepatab,andpaymebackwhenthebusinesstakesoff.’
‘Speakingofmissingpersons,anywordofRanjit?’
‘Notyet.Therewasarumourhewasseenonayacht,intheMaldives.I’mtryingtocheckitout.Forthetimebeing,hisproxyvotemakesmeaseriousplayer.Goodthinghewasalousyboss,andIwasn’t.Hisentirenewsserviceishelpingmetrackhimdown.Ironic,ain’tit?’
‘AreyoustillattheTaj?’
‘Yeah.It’sokay,fornow.They’vegotgoodsecuritydownstairs,andI’vegotbettersecurityupstairs.’
‘HaveyouseenDidier?’
‘He’sbeenhangingwithme.He’sprettyspookedabouttheacidthrowers.Youknowhowvainheis.’
‘Hedoesn’tcallitvanity.Hecallsitgoodtaste,andIthinkwebothagree.’
‘Onewayoranother,’shesaid,‘I’mgonnaremovethatwomanfrommyharm’sway.’
Sheshovedallthethingsasideandlaybackontheblankets,onehandbehindherhead.
‘So,Shantaram,nowthatyouknowmyplans,areyouin?’
Fateleadsyoutowhatyoudesire,andTimemakessurethatit’sthewrongmoment.WasIwithher,inherlostlovedetectiveagencyplan?No.Icouldn’tworkwiththecops,andIcouldn’tturnanyoneintothecops,whichmademealousydetective.
Sheknewit.Shesawitinmyeyes,andinmybreathing:theheavybreathofworrythatweweren’tonthesamepathawayfromthemountain.
‘Stopthinking,’shesaid.‘Tomorrowisjustlikeyou.It’sneverontime.’
Thewindinmoonlight,paintingleaf-shadowlaceonherskin.Loveinallthepastlives,everytimewe’dlovedeachotherandlosteachother:starlightonhersleepingface.Therewasnostarinmyskythatnight:nolighttoguidemeonthatseaofwhatwewere,andwhatweweren’t.ButIdidn’tcare.Shewasasleep,inmyarms,andIwasalreadysailinghome.PartEight
ChapterForty-Six
Ididn’tthrowinwithKarla,NaveenandDidierintheLostLoveBureau.Callmestubborn.Naveendid.Callmecrazy.Didierdid.Callmeafreespirit.Karladidn’t.Shedidn’tspeaktomeatall.Shedidn’tevenrespondtomymessages,butsentamessageofherown,throughNaveen,tostayawayuntilshecooledoff.Igothotter,instead,andboughtDidier’sblackmarketcrimeportfolio.He’dbecomealegitimatebusinessman,apartnerintheLostLoveBureau,twodoorsdownfrommyown,anddecidedtoturnhisbackonblackbusiness.Ilethisdrugandcallgirlracketsslide,andfocusedonhismoneychangingoperations.Ittookmeawhiletosortoutthedetails.Iwasbuyingwhitemoneythathadbecomeblackmoney,makingitwhiteagainthroughablackbank,andfiguringsmallweeklymarginsonahighdailyturnover:makeorbreak.Itwaslikethestockmarket,withouttheliesandcorruption.
WhenKarlafinallyresponded,lateinthesecondafternoonaftercomingdownfromthemountain,IracedtomeetherattheseawallinJuhuwherewe’dtalkedofLisa,ourownlostlove,weeksbefore.
Andaseveningstrollerspassedus,smilinghappily,andthesunbegantofall,Karlaweptandtoldmeshewasn’tangrywithme:shewastroubledbyRanjitandLisa.
‘WhatwasRanjitdoingtherewithLisathatnight?Whatwasshedoingwithhim?SinceIcamebacktoBombay,Ican’tstopthinkingaboutit.’
Shecriedintomychest,andthenstoppedcrying,asIheldher.
‘Whydon’tIunderstandit,Shantaram?’
Karlawastwobeatsaheadofeverymindshemet.Themysterytormentedher,whereitwasjustaslowburninme;sandinthewind,forher,andsandinanhourglasswithRanjit’snameonitforme.Ihadtotellhertoletitgo,justasshe’doncetoldme.
‘We’llfindhim,’Isaid.‘Andwhenwedo,we’llfindoutwhathappened.Untilthenwe’llhavetostopthinkingaboutit,orwe’llbothgonuts.Imean,morenutsthanwealreadyare.’
Shesmiled.
‘There’ssomethingnotright,’shesaid.‘SomethingIshouldknow,butdon’tknow.Somethingrightthereinfrontofme.Butyou’reright–ifIdon’tletitgo,it’lldrivemecrazy.’
Vermilionsunset,thelastgraceofthesun,washedflawsandfaultsfromeveryfaceandformonthepromenade:anoceanofeveninglightshowingonlythebeautifulthingsweareinside.
Gentlebreezeschasedoneanotheralongtheseawall,playingthroughskirtsandshirtsofwalkersontheway.Thefirstfewcarheadlightsbegantopass.
Paleshadowsofpalmleavesdriftedacrossherface,tracingtheexactcurveofhernecktoherlips,everytimeacarpassed.Karla.
‘Isityourpridethatwon’tletyoujoinDidierandNaveenandme?’sheasked,ahardereyeturnedtowardme.
‘No.’
‘Prideistheonlysinwecan’tseeinourselves,youknow.’
‘I’mnotproud.’
‘Thehellyou’renot.Butthat’sokay.Ilikeprideinaman.Ilikeitinawoman,too.Butdon’tletitstopyounow.Wecanmakethiswork.’
‘How,Karla?’
‘Wemightbehereaweek,okay,butwemightstillbeherethreeyearsfromnow.Thiscanstarttobuildinthreemonths.SecurityisthebigthinginIndiainthenextfiftyyears.I’mtellingyou.I’vehadtwoyearstostudythis,withRanjit’sbestadvisors.’
‘You’reserious,aren’tyou?’
‘I’malwaysserious,whenitcomestolove.’
‘Love?’Igrinned,likeanidiot.
‘Payattention,’shejabbedatme.‘I’mtalkingbusiness.’
‘Okay,I’mattentive.’
‘Moneyisn’tgonnaflowfromtherichtothepoor.It’sgonnaflowfromthepoortotherich,fasterthanever,andit’sgonnastaythere.That’ssooutrageouslyunfairthatpersonalsecuritycan’tloseasaninvestment.See?’
‘Inastrangeway.Andthedetectiveagency?’
‘We’reabureau,notanagency.Weonlytakeononekindofcase.Lostloves.Wedon’tsnooporpeeporshadow.Weinvestigatemissinglovedones.That’sourwayintothewidersecuritybusiness.We’regonnagrow,andfast.’
‘How?’
‘Ifwewanttogrow,weneedtoknowallthemainplayersasfriends.Ifwefindmissinglovedonesforthemalongtheway,theycan’trollonuslater.Plus,wegettoknowwherealltheskeletonsdance.’
‘Youreallythoughtthisthrough.’
‘Willyoustopstatingtheobvious?’
‘Look,Ifollowyourlogic,andIseethepoint–’
‘Doyou?Thisissomethingclean,andright.Idon’tseetherightonyoursideoftheplaypen.’
‘Right?We’retalkingaboutwhat’sright,now?’
‘Youknow,whateverelsehappensontheride,interestingstufflikesuccessandfailureandfun,thebottomlineforme,now,isthatit’sgottaberight,andit’sgottamakeadifference,orI’manhouryesterday.’
‘Findinglostloves?’
‘Wouldyoupreferlosingfoundloves?’
Shesnappedthewordsatme,becauseshethoughtIhadn’ttakenherseriously,butIwasstung.
‘Isthatatme?Atus?’
‘I’mnottheonewho’swalkingawayfromthis,Shantaram.’
‘Karla,I’myours.ButyouknowIcan’tworkwiththecops.’
‘Youcanstayoutofthatpart.’
‘Thehandingpeopleovertothepolicepart,orthegivingevidenceincourtpart?Icanstayoutofthat?’
‘Didierwillhandlepoliceliaison.Hesaidhe’slookingforwardtoaninterviewwiththecopswhereheisn’tonthefloor.’
‘It’snotjustthat.I’vegottoomuchatstake,Karla.I’mwantedeverywherebuthere,andthat’sbecauseIknowwhotopay.Istayonmysideoftheline.ThecopsleavemealonebecauseIdon’tselldrugsorgirls,Idon’tcheatanyone,Idon’tbeatanyonewhohasn’tgotitcoming,Ikeepmymouthshutwhentheygivemeakicking,andIpaythemregularly,andwell.’
‘Paradise,’Karlasaid,aneyebrowperchedlikeamockingbirdonabranch.
‘Theytolerateme.Butthatcouldchange,andthenI’dhavetorun,andfast.Youknowthat.Ican’tgetintoanythingserious,andyoushouldn’t,either.Ithoughtweunderstoodthat.’
‘Itoldyou,I’masilentpartner,’shesaid,thequeensflashingatmeforaninstant.‘ButIcanalwaysfindmyvoice,ifyou’renotinthiswithme.’
Therewasalittlesilence.Shewasdaringmetosaythewrongthing,Iguess,andmaybeIdid.
‘HaveyouheardanythingnewaboutRanjit?’
Shelookedaway.IthoughtI’dhurther,andItriedtochangethesubject.
‘Howaboutthis?’Isuggested.‘YoucheckoutoftheTaj,andmoveintotheroomsnexttomine.’
‘Nexttoyou?’
‘Imeanit,Karla.Therearethreerooms,withabalconythatlooksoutonagoodstreet,andyousaidyoulikesecurity.’
Shethoughtaboutit,offeringmetwoqueensfromthecornerofhereye.
‘Areyoutalkingsleepovers?’sheasked,knowingI’mnogoodatthatgame.
‘I’mgonnaleavethesleepoverstoanotherconversation.ButIboughtnewlocksforyourdoors,andinstalledthem.’
‘Mydoors?’
‘Ah…yeah.Ifyoutaketherooms.’
‘Youmust’vebeenprettysureIwasgonnasayyes.’
‘Ah…’
‘Howmanylocksdidyouputon?’
‘Youmean,onthefrontdoor?’
‘Howmanydoorsarewetalkingabout?’
‘Allofthem.Bathroom,bedroom,balcony,allofthem.’
‘O…kay,’shesmiled.‘Anyothersurprises?’
‘Iputafirstaidboxwithasurgicalsuturekitinthebathroom.Youcansewupasizeablewound,ifyouhaveto.’
‘Andtheysayromanceisdead,’shelaughed.
‘AndIgotsomeotherstuff.’
‘Otherstuff,huh?’
‘Yeah,theneighbourhoodhassomegreatshops.Ihadthemanagerputasmallrefrigeratorinyourroom,andstockeditwithvodka,soda,lemonsandthenastiestcheeseIcouldfind.’
‘Nice.’
‘AndItapedaknifeunderthedeskdrawer.Ifyouopenitright,someonestandingintheroomwouldn’tseeyouslipitout.’
‘Won’tseemeslippingitout,huh?’
‘Andyourbedhaspaintedirontubes.’
‘Mybedhastubes,’shelaughed.
‘Yeah.Icheckedtheendcaps.Theycameunscrewedonthehead-endofthebed.Iputarollofmoneyinone,andaskinnyknifeintheother.Justincase.’
‘Handy.’
‘AndIboughtyouasitar.’
‘Asitar.What’sthatfor?’
‘I’mnotsure.Itwasinthemusicshopdownstairs,andIcouldn’tresistit.’
‘Youknow–’
‘There’snoroomservice,’Isaid,cuttingheroff.‘Butthere’sasitarstoredownstairs,andthemanagerupstairsiscrazierthanIam,andallinallIthinkit’sagoodideaforyoutomoveinwithus,Karla.Areyougame?’
‘Honey,fortherestofyourlife,Iamthegame.’
‘Doyoumeanit?’
‘Imeanit.’
‘Good,let’sgetyousettled,neighbour.’
Sherodebackwithme.WefollowedRandall,ashereturnedtothehotel.Iresistedtheimpulsetoswingthebikeoutandpass.Itwasn’thard.Shehadherleftarmovermyshoulder,herrightarminmylap,andherheadrestingonmyback.Iwantedtokeeponridinguntilthebikesaidenough.
‘Youknow,’Isaid,asIwalkedwithhertoaquietcorneronthestepsoftheTajhotel.‘Wecouldjustkeeponridinguntilwe’refarenoughaway,orthebikesaysenough.’
‘IhavethingsthatIhavetodo,Shantaram,’shesmiled.‘Andanyway,lostloveisthetrumpcard,atleastfornow.OurfirstofficialbureaucaseisRanjit,andwe’regonnafindthatrodent,whereverheis.’
‘Officialcase?’
‘Iregistereduswiththepolice,asabureau.Ifast-trackedit,usingRanjit’sman.He’sacorporator,andhewasgladtoseeme.SinceRanjit’sdisappearance,thejuicehasstoppedflowing.WhenIwenttoseehimIhadalltherightAmericanfruit.He’saniceguy,exceptthatsometimeshisfaceisgreedierthanhismind.’
Itwasmyturntolaugh.
‘Let’stalkaboutitlater,’shesaid,pullingmetoherandholdingmeclose,shell-within-a-shellperfect.
‘Getagoodnight’ssleep,’shesaid,beginningtopullawayfromme.
‘Okay…what?’
‘You’regonnaneedallthesleepyoucanget,’shesaid.‘Ifyou’returningmedownatthebureau,andgoingoutasafreelancer.’
‘Waitaminute.Ican’tcomebackandseeyou,latertonight?’
‘Certainlynot,’shesaid,pushingfreeandwalkingthelaststepstothedoor.‘Andanyway,it’llstillbethere,inthemorning.’
‘What’llstillbethereinthemorning?’
‘Lust,’shesaid,pausingatthedoor.‘YourememberLust,don’tyou,Shantaram?Prettygirl,lottafun,noscruples?’
Thedoorclosed.Iwasconfusedagain.ThenIsmiledagain.Dammit,Karla.
IrodebacktotheAmritsarhotelinapredicament,andfoundthemanagerinaquandary:hisfacewasinalargebox,labelledQuandaryInc
‘What’sthedilemma,Jaswant?’
‘There’ssupposedtobeaphaserpistolinthisbox,’hesaid,lookingupatmeabsently,hishandsstillsearchingthroughfoampackaging.‘Ah,hereitis!’
Hepulledthetoypistolfromthebox,buthistriumphfadedquickly.
‘Thisisallwrong!Thephotonemitterisinthewrongplace.Andthedeflectorshieldismissing.Youcan’ttrustanyone,thesedays.’
‘It’satoy,Jaswant,’Isaid.
‘Areplica,’hecorrected.‘Andnotanaccurateone.’
‘It’sareplicaofatoy,Jaswant.’
‘Youdon’tunderstand.I’vegotaParsifriendwhosaidhecouldmakearealoneforme,ifIhaveaperfectreplicaoftheoriginal.Hewon’tworkwiththiscrap.He’saParsi.’
Hestaredatme,sorrowburninghim,assorrowalwaysdoes,evenwhenitshouldn’t.
‘Please,Jaswant,’Isaidsincerely.‘Don’tmakealaserpistol.’
‘Aphaserpistol,’hecorrected.‘Andyoucoulduseone.Peoplewalkinandoutofyourroomsalldayandnight,likeit’sBuckinghamStation.’
‘Onlypeoplewithakey.’
‘Well,therearetwokeyholdersintherenow.’
IfoundNaveeninthechair,nearadeskI’dboughtfromthetrophystoredownstairs.Hewasplayingmyguitar,andbetterthanIplayedit,butthatputhimonalistofanybody.
IlookedintomybedroomandsawDidieronthebed,hiselegant,Italianshoesonthefloor,lacesinside.Hewavedhello.
‘Niceplaying,Naveen,’Isaid,throwingmyselfintoachair.
‘Niceguitar,’Naveenreplied,playingapopularGoanballad.
‘Ifoundherloiteringwithintent,inamusicstoredownstairs.’
‘Noplaceforaguitarlikeher,’hesaid,switchingtoPinkFloyd’s‘ComfortablyNumb’.‘She’sahigh-maintenancecrazyloveguitar,likeDiva.’
‘What’stheDivasituation?’Iasked.
‘Notgood,’hesaid,stillplaying.‘That’swhyI’mdoingguitartherapy.’
‘IcleareditwithJohnnyCigar,thismorning.ABihariclanmovedout,leavingsixemptyhouses.Therearetwohutsreserved,afewstepsfromJohnny’shouse.Oneforher,andoneforyou.’
‘Can’tcomeaminutetoosoonforme,’Naveensaid,puttingtheguitaraside.
‘Ithinkyou’reright.IaskedaroundtodayintheFortarea.Herdad’sinbigtrouble.Thebookieshavehimatfifty-to-one.Peoplearetalkingabouthimlikehe’salreadydead.AndpeoplearetalkingaboutDiva,andwhatshemightknowaboutherdad’sbaddeals,orwherethemoneyis.’
‘Indeed,’Didieragreed,springingoffthebedwithsurprisingagilityandtiptoeingtothesmall,chest-highrefrigerator.
He’dboughttherefrigeratorasahousewarmingpresent,stockeditwithbeer,andputabottleofbrandyonmynighttableforhimself.Hethrewabeertome,andonetoNaveen,andsettledhimselfagaincomfortablyonmybed.
‘Ihavemadesomeenquiriesofmyown,’hesaid.‘ThereareatleasttwodangerousandmercilessgroupsafterDiva’sfather,andbothofthemhavedeeptiestothepolice.’
‘You’reright,’Naveensaid.
‘Oneofthem,infact,isthepolice,’Didiercontinued.‘Somethingaboutthepolicepensionfund,Ithink.ThisbusinessmogulhasamassedaMongolhordeofenemies.HeshouldevaporatefromBombay,andrelocatetoananonymousisland.Certainly,hecanaffordtobuyone.’
‘He’sthemoststubbornmanI’veevermet,’Naveengrowled.‘Hewantstorideitout.Hethinkshissecurityisrocksolid.And,okay,it’strueenoughthathe’ssurroundedbyguns,dayandnight,but…’
‘Butwhat?’
‘Buttherearetwoseparatesecurityoutfitsworkinginthatmansion,copsandprivate.Neitherofthem,farasIcantell,iswillingtotakeabulletfortherichestandcrookedestmaninBombay.Someofthoseguysliveinslums,hopingthattheycanmovetheirfamilyintoaone-roomapartmentthesizeofhistoilet.Ifthecopsareorderedaway,Ithinktheprivatearmywillrunaway.I’vetriedtowarnhim,buthewon’tlisten.’
‘Hedidlistentoyou,’Didiersaid.‘Helefthisdaughterinyourcare.’
‘Hecalledmeson,yesterday,’Naveensaid.‘Itwastheweirdestthing.Ihardlyknowhim.’
Hewalkedtotheshutteredwindows.Whenheopenedashutter,theneonlightsoftheMetrotheatreblushedhisface.
‘Hesaid,Keepmydaughterclosetoyourheart,andsafewithyou,awayfromme,myson.’
‘Thatisasignificantresponsibility,’Didiermused.
‘Andasignificantjob,’Iadded.‘Diva’sahandful.Sheshouldleavethecity,man.’
‘Iagree,’Didiersaid.‘Andsoon.’
‘Shewon’tgo.AndIknowher.IfItrytotakehertotheairport,she’llscreamtheplacedown.’
‘Ifyoucan’tgethertoleaveBombay,’Isaid,‘andifthepeoplewhowanttokillherfathermightkidnapher,thenyou’llhavetohideheruntilitblowsover.AndtheslumistheonlyplaceIcanthinkof,whereno-onewilllookfortherichestgirlintown.ButIhopeyouhaveabetteridea.’
‘Idon’t.’
‘NeitherdoI,’Didiersaid.
‘Whereisshenow?’Iasked.
‘Atherweeklymeeting.ShegetstogetherwithsomefriendseveryweekatthePresident.’
‘Oh,yes?’Didierasked.
‘It’scalledtheDivaGirlGossipClub,’Naveenexplained.
‘Fascinating!’Didiersaid.
‘Onceaweektheyswarmlikepiranhas,andriptopiecesanygirltheyknowwhoisn’tintheirclique.’
‘Willyougetmeaninvitation?’Didierpleaded,joiningus.‘Iwouldlovetogo.’
‘Sheshouldbefinishedbyten,’Naveensaid.‘Youguyswannagowithme,andpickherup?’
‘Iwillcertainlycome,’Didiersaid,slippingonhisshoesandtyingthem.
‘I’mgoingtoneedbothofyou,’Naveensaid,‘ifI’mgoingtoconvinceDivatodumphersuiteattheMahesh,andcomeliveinaslumforaweek.ImightneedthetwoofyoutorestrainherwhileIjustexplaintheidea.’
‘Yousureyouwannadothisnow?’Iasked.
‘Nopresentlikethetime,’theyoungdetectivesmiled,buthiseyeswereserious.‘It’slateenoughtogethertotheslumandsettleherinbeforetoomanypeopleknowaboutit.Whatdoyouthink?’
‘Didierisready.Tothegossipclub,atonce!’ChapterForty-Seven
WefoundDivainashriekofDivas,inthelobbyofthePresidenthotel.Thethreeofthemstopped,staringatuswithwell-practisedaghast.
Didierwasinarumpled,whitelinenjacketandfadedbluecorduroys.Iwasinboots,blackjeans,T-shirtandsleevelessvest.Naveenwasingreyfatiguesandathin,brown-suedeshirt.Hecarriedaheavybackpack.
Theprettygirlsmadeitclearthatwedidn’tpresentaprettypicture.
‘Isthathim?’oneoftheDivagirlsasked,pointinganaccusingfalsenailatNaveen.
‘Intheflesh,’Divasneered,makingnointroductions.
‘Motorcyclemaniac,’theotherDivagirlsaid,crossingmeoffthelist.
‘Debauchedwomaniser,’thefirstsaid,crossingDidieroff.
‘Pardonme,mademoiselle,’Didiersaid.‘But,Iamamaniser.’
‘Debauchedmaniser,’thegirlsaid.
‘Andthehorse,’Divasaid,crossingNaveenoff,‘withoutPrinceCharming.’
TheDivagirlsgiggled.
‘What’swiththebackpack?’Divademanded.‘SettingofffortheHimalayas,Ihope?’
‘I’mnotaclimber,’Naveensaid,staringather.
‘Ooooooh!’theDivagirlssaid.‘Thetomcathasclaws.’
‘Wehavetogo,Diva,’Naveensaid.
‘Howaboutyouclimbatree,’Divasaiddefiantly.‘Anddon’tcomedown.’
Thegirlsgiggled.
Naveenwasangry,becausehewasgenuinelyafraid.Giventhethreattoher,hethoughttheywerefoolishlyexposedinthewell-litlobby.Heexpectedacarloadofthugstoburstinatanymomentandkidnapher.
Andstrong,confidentyoungNaveenknewhe’dbepowerlesstostopit.Iknewhimwellenoughtoknowthathewasunaccustomedtothefeeling,andthathedidn’tlikeit.
Didiersteppedintotheawkwardsilence,bowingelegantlytothegirls.
‘Allowmetointroducemyself,dearladies,’hesaid,handingoutbusinesscards.‘MynameisDidierLevy.IamanativeofFrance,butaguestinyourgreatcityforsomeyears.Withmyassociate,thewell-knowndetectiveMrNaveenAdair,wearetheLostLoveBureau,andweareatyourservice,ifthereisamysterytobesolved.’
‘Wow!’oneofthegirlssaid,readingthecardhe’dgivenher.
‘Nomatteristootrivial,’Didierpitched,‘andnopieceofgossiptooinsignificantfortheLostLoveBureau.’
‘We’vegottago,’Naveenrepeated,gesturingtowardthedoor.
Divacheekedgoodbyetoherfriends,andwentwithustothedoors.Wewalkedoutpasttheentryporticotothebeginningofthemainstreet.
Naveenstopped,andlookedatme.Iglancedaround,andrealisedthatDidierwasn’twithus.Itrottedbackintothehoteltosnatchhimfromthegirls.
‘SeeyounextTuesday!’hecalledout,asIdraggedhimaway.‘Iassureyou,Ihavegossipaboutwell-knownpeoplethatyouwillenjoymorethanorgasm!’
TheDivagirlsshrieked.
WerejoinedNaveenandDiva.
‘Businesscards?’Isaid.
‘I…thoughtitbesttobeprepared,’Didierreplied.
‘Showmeone.’
‘I’dliketoseeoneofthose,too,’Naveensaid.
‘Me,too,’Divaagreed.‘Hand’emover,Frenchy.’
Reluctantly,hepassedoutthebusinesscards,andwestudiedthembythelightofastreetlamp.
LOSTLOVEBUREAU
DidierLevy,MasterofLove
NaveenAdair,MasteroftheLost
ThebackofthecardshowedapictureofwhatIassumedtobealisteningear,withthewords:
LooseLipsMakeTheWorldGoRound
Suite7,TheAmritsarHotel,Metro,Bombay
‘Doyouthinkittoo…subdued?’Didieraskedearnestly.
‘MasteroftheLost?’Naveensaid.‘It’sabitTolkien,man.’
‘Andwhat’swiththeear?’Iaskedinnocently,andshould’vekeptmymouthshut.
‘But,Lin!Youonlyobject,becauseyourippedaman’searoffafewmonthsago,’Didierprotested.
‘Notallthewayoff,’Iprotestedback.‘Andanyway,Didier,sonowit’sSuite7,andnotRoom7?’
‘Waitaminute,’Divasaid,plantingahandlikeatinygardenforkonmychest.‘Yourippedsomeguy’searoff?’
‘Naveen,’Isaid,‘youcantakeoveranytimenow.’
‘Diva–’Naveenbegan.
‘Nothingdoingfromeitherofyou,’Divasaid.‘NotuntilIsitdown.Where’sthelimo?’
Westaredather.
‘Youdon’thavealimo,’Naveensaid.‘Notanymore.Isentthecaranddriverbacktobereassignedattheestate.’
Shelaughed,butweweren’tlaughing,soshegrabbedNaveen’sshirt,yankingitupanddowninherfistsuntilshetoreit.
‘You…fucking…did…what?’
‘Diva,willyoupleasetrustmeonthis,’Naveensaid,tuckingstrandsofhisshirtintohispants.
‘Trustyou?Ididtrustyou,andyoulostmyfuckingcar!Doyouknowhowfaragirlcanwalkorrunintheseshoes?That’swhatlimousinesweredesignedfor,idiot,thefuckingshoes!Where’smyfour-wheeledshoebox,Naveen?’
‘Canwehavethisconversationoffthemainstreet?There’sacornerjustahead,withalaneway.’
‘Youmustbe–’
‘Please,MissDiva,’Didiersaid.‘Youcansurelyunderstandthatwethreemenwouldnotbehere,appealingtoyouinthisway,ifwedidnotcareaboutyou,andifwedidnotjudgeitprudent.’
Shelookedfromfacetofaceandthenstormedoff.Sheturnedintothelaneandstoppedhalfway,herbackagainstthewall.
Onefootwasraisedbehindher,restingonthewall.Shewaswearinganelegantyellowskirt,awhitehigh-neckedblouseandankle-strapheels.Herskirtwassplitattheside,andhershort,finelegswererevealedbythepose.Shewasagirlwhoknewhowtopose:she’dposedforeverymagazineinthecountry.
IglancedatNaveen.Hewasstudyingherwiththeeyesoflove:desire,strippedofhunger.Wetoughguysfallfast,andwefallhard,Didierhadsaid.AndtherewasnodoubtthatNaveenAdair,theIndian-Irishman,wasatoughguyfallingsomewhere.
Naveenletherhaveit.Shewasstubborn,andproud.Heknewthathehadtobebrutallyhonesttohaveachanceofconvincingherofthedangersshefaced.
Everytwisteddealthatuntangleditselfatthefeetofagangster,acrookedpoliticianoracop,gunningforhim,spooledoutinfrontofher.Herfootsliddownthewall,andshestraightenedup,bracingherself.
‘Thethreatisveryreal,MissDiva,’Didiersaidgently.‘Wehaveallexaminedthismatter,andwehaveallconcludedthatyoursafetyisinperil.’
‘They’rebadguys,’Naveensaid.‘Andyourdad’ssurroundedbygoodguyshedoesn’ttrust.Ithinkthat’swhyhegavemethejobofmakingsureyou’resafe,andtoldmenottobringyoubacktothemansion.’
‘Mummy,’shemoanedverysoftly,callingouttoaghost.
‘Irecommendleaving,MissDiva,’Didieradvised.‘Fast,andfaraway.Iwouldbehonouredtoarrangeit.Lincanprovidethefalsepapers.Thereissufficientmoney.Youwouldbesafe,untilthismatterisresolved.’
‘Iwon’tleavewhilemydad’sstillhere,’shepouted.‘Whatifhegoestojail?He’llneedme.NomatterwhatelseIhavetodo,Iwon’tleaveBombaywhilehe’shere.’
‘Thealternativeishidinghere,intheslumnearby,’Naveensaid.‘That’swhatI’vebeentryingtotellyou.’
‘Theslum?First,youtellmethatmydadisacrook,andthatothercrooksaretryingtokillhim,sotheymightkidnapmeorkillme,whichI’vebeendealingwithallmylife,andnow–’
‘It’s…it’sreallybad,’Naveensaid.‘Imean,Itoldyou,Diva.I’mscaredmyself.Please,listentous.’
‘Ilivedthere,Diva,’Isaid.‘You’llbesafeintheslum,anditshouldn’tbeforlong.’
‘Theslum?’sherepeated,tryingagain,buttherewasn’tmuchfightleftinher.
‘Doyouhavesomeonecloseenoughtoyou,totrustwithyourlife?’Didierasked.
Theslimsocialiteflinchedasifhe’dshockedher:morethanherfather’smisdeeds,orthethreattoherownsafety.Shebackedawayhalfastep,andthenregainedhercomposure.
‘I’vegotalotofdistantrelatives,butno-oneclose.MyMotherwasanonlychild,likeme,andmyfather’sbrotherpassedawaytwoyearsago.SincemyMotherdied,there’sonlymydadandme.I’mnotgoinganywhere.’
‘Hidinginthisplace,MissDiva,willnotbepleasant,’Didieradvised.‘Thepeoplearecivilised,butthecircumstancesareprimitive.Doyounotwishtoreconsider?’
‘I’mnotleaving.’
‘Itoldyouso,’Naveensaid,adjustingthebackpack.
Ileftthemtalking,andwenttochecktheendofthelaneway.
ThestreetattheendofthealleyledtothewhitearchesandportholewindowsoftheWorldTradeCentre,andthentotheslumbeyond.
Itwasquiet.Thepavementdwellershadsettleddownforthenightonfootpaths.Friskydogs,hungryfortheirownhourofpower,jerked,jumpedandbarked.Analmostemptybussweptaroundthecornerinfrontofme.Moviepostersadornedthesideslikeheralds,drapedoverawarelephant.
Streetlampsshowedtheentrancetotheslum,neartheendofthestreet.Iknewhowhardthelifewasinthatslum.Iknewhowrichtherewardswere.Theslumwasajellyfish,anempathicdomeofcommoncause:filamentsofloveandcommonsufferingtouchedeverylife.
Divawalkedtowardmeslowly,withNaveenandDidier.Naveenputhisarmaroundher.Shedidn’tpushitaway.
Maybehe’dtoldherthatthebackpackshe’dbeenteasinghimaboutwasfilledwithherthings,whichhe’dhastilygatheredforherfromthesuiteattheMahesh.Maybe,asotherlovesclosedforher,shewasfinallyopeningtohim.
Shecameintothelight,andIsawthatshewasafraid.
‘It’sgonnabeokay,kid,’Isaid,makingherlookmeintheeye.‘You’vegotaprettycoolrideaheadofyou,withprettycoolneighbours.’
‘Iheardtheneighbourhoodimprovedalotwhenyoumovedout,’shesaid,buttherewasonlyacandle-fireinit.‘So,tellme,slumdweller,isthereanythingIshouldknow?’
‘Themoreyougowithit,’Isaid,aswenearedthewidepathbesidetheopenlatrine,leadingtotheslum,‘thebetteritgets.’
‘That’swhatmytherapistsaid,’shemuttered,‘beforeIsuedhimforharassment.’
‘Youwon’tbeharassedbyanythingbutloveintheslum,’Isaid.‘Butthattakessomegettingusedto,aswell.’
‘Bringiton,’thebrave,scaredsocialitesaid.‘Tonight,I’lltakealltheloveIcanget.’ChapterForty-Eight
Thepathwasrough:dustyearthandstones.Totheright,alongwirefencecordonedoffthegleamingwindowsofshowcasedgoodsintheWorldTradeCentre.Totheleftwasawidefieldwherewomenandchildrenfoundaplacetorelievethemselvesamongtheweeds,andshrubs,andpilesofotherpeople’srelief.
Awomanwassquattinginthedarkness,obscuredbyscrubbyplants.Somekidsweresquattinginthestonygrassbesidethepath.AsDivapassed,thekidssmiled,andsaid,Hello!Whatisyourname?
Whenthepathbegantodescendtowardtheseawecaughtourfirstglimpseoftheslum:atatteredcloak,thrownoverafragmentofcoastbesidethegleamingtowersoftherich,acrossthelittlebay.
‘Holyfuck,’Divasaid.
Theslum,atnight,wasitsowndarkage.Thelightinthehousescamefromkerosenewick-lamps.Therewasnoelectricity,andnorunningwater.Ratssweptthroughthelanesinblackwaveseverynight,devouringpilesofgarbageleftlikedarkofferings.
Thatsmellofkerosene,andmustardoilalmost-burnt,andincense,andsalt-windfromtheseacloseby,andthesoapofdesperatecleanliness,andhonestsweat,andthescentofhorses,goats,dogs,cats,monkeysandsnakes:allthosearomasassaultedDivaaswewoundourwaybytorchlighttoJohnnyCigar’shouse.
Hereyeswerewide,butherlipswerepressedintoadeterminedfrown.SheheldNaveen’sarm,butherhigh-heeledshoesstakedoutasurepathontheunevenground.
JohnnyCigarwaswaitingforus,dressedinhistemplebest.
‘Welcome,Aanu,’hesaid,pressinghispalmstogether,andbowingtoDiva.‘MynameisJohnnyCigar.Ihopeyoudon’tmindit,thatI’mcallingyouAanu.IhavetoldeveryonethatyouaremycousinAanu,visitingfromLondon.’
‘Okay,’Divasaiduncertainly.
‘Tohelpyousettleinpeacefullyhere,’Johnnyadded,‘Itoldthemthatyouarealittlebitmad.Thatshouldexplainyourangrytemperament.’
‘Myangrytemperament?’
‘Well,Shantaramsaid…’
‘Shantaram,huh?’
‘Ihavealsotoldeveryonethatsomepeoplearesearchingforyou,becauseyoustolesomethingfromthem,sowemustkeepyourstaywithusasecret.’
‘Okay…Iguess.’
‘Oh,yes.Thisisthesafestplaceforthievesoutsidetheparliamentbuilding.’
‘That’sreassuring,’Divareplied,smiling.‘Ithink.’
‘Youmaybesurprisedhowmanyfamouspeoplehideintheslumwithus.Wehadacricketplayerhidinghere,once.Ican’ttellyouhisname,butwhenweplayedtogether,hetoldme–’
‘Shutup,Johnny!’
Johnny’swife,Sita,emergedfromthehouse,herredandgoldsariwhirlingsailsaroundherslimfigure.
‘Youdon’tevenknowwhatIwastalkingabout,’Johnnysaid,hisfeelingshurt.
‘Shutupanyway,’Sitasnapped.‘Andleavethepoorgirlalone.’
Twootherwomenjoinedher,andtheyledDivatothehutreservedforher,afewpacesaway.NaveenandDidierfollowed.IlookedatJohnny.
‘Comingalong,Johnny?’
‘I’m…I’mgoingtogiveSitaaminute,’hesaid.
‘Troubleinparadise?’Iasked,openingmybigmouth.
‘Youdon’tknowthehalfofit,’hesaid,wipingahandthroughhisthick,brownhair.‘Sitaisdrivingmenuts.’
‘Listen,I’mgonnarollsomejoints.ForDiva.Ithinkshe’llneedthemmorethanblankets,ifshesleepsheretonight.Whydon’twesitinside,andI’llgettowork,whileyoutalk.’
Hetalked.IlearnedmoreaboutSita,inhalfanhour,thananymanshouldknowaboutanotherman’swife.Itriedtotakeherside,once,infairness,buthecried,soIhadtostop.
ItwasallJohnny,afterthat.HissufferingwasmeasuredinStationsoftheCrossWife,eachonewithascoldingimage.Intheend,itcamedowntoonething.
‘Contraception,’Isaid,rollingjointsforDiva’sslumorientation.
‘Whatareyousaying?’
‘Shewantsanotherkid,andyoudon’t.Contraception.’
‘I’mpractisingcontraception,atthemoment,’hepleaded,shiftinguncomfortablyonhisseat.‘Wehaven’thadsexinsixmonths.’
‘That’snotcontraception,Johnny,that’sdisconception.Nowondershe’scranky.’
‘Sitabelievesthatsexisformakingchildren.Ithinksexisformakingchildren,andformakinglove,sometimes.Shewon’tacceptanybirthcontrol.WhenItriedtotalktoheraboutcondoms,shecalledmeapervert.’
‘That’salittleharsh.’
‘WhatamIgoingtodo?Youseehowbeautifulsheis,na?’
Sitawasnamedafterakindly,self-sacrificingGoddess,andforthemostpartsheliveduptothename.Butshealsohadatemper,andatonguethatwhippeditintoshape.Wethoughtaboutit,forawhile,asDiva’sjointsaccumulated.
‘Youcoulddothegirlthing,’Isuggested,‘andtalkitout.’
‘Not…safe,’hesaid.‘Or?’
‘Oryoucoulddotheguything.’
‘Theguything?’heasked,hiseyessquintingsuspiciously.
‘Theguythingistoignoreit,andhopeshegivesinbeforeyoudo.’
‘I’mgoingwiththeguything,’Johnnysaid,punchinghispalm.‘It’ssomuchsaferthanthetruth.’
‘Don’tbetoosure,’Isaid,gatheringuptherolledjoints.‘Womenhaveapsychicwitchyspookytalking-to-the-deadwayofknowingeverythingyouthink.So,soonerorlater,you’vegottadoittheirwayanyway.’
‘Ofcourse,’hehissed.‘That’showwomengetbackatmen.’
‘How’sthat?’
‘Bymakingmenbecomewomen,forawhile.It’scruel,whattheydo,makingustalktothem,Lin.It’sscary,andmenhavedifficultywithscary.Itmakesthemwanttofight.’
‘Speakingofscary,let’sgofindouthowDiva’sdoing.’
Divawassurroundedbyyounggirlsuppasttheirbedtimes,askingherabouteverythingshewore,andeverythingthatspilledfromNaveen’spack.
JohnnyandSitahadcoveredtheearthenfloorwithablueplasticsheet,andthey’dcoveredthatwithpatchworkquilts.Therewasaclaymatkawaterpotinthecorner,withanaluminiumplateontop,andanupturnedglass.
ThatpotwasallofDiva’swaterforaday:allshehadfordrinking,cookinganddoingthedishes.Therewasakerosenepressurecookerinacorner,withtwoburners.Ametalcabinetonhighlegsheldtwometalsaucepans,somefoodstuffsandacartonofmilk.Anothermetalcabinetwiththreeshelveswasforherclothes.
Akerosenelanternrestedonthatcabinet.Thelowlightseemedtohoveronfacesandincorners.Apartfromadecorativeswirlofartificialflowers,hangingfromoneofthebamboosupportpoles,therewasnothingelseinthehut.
Thewallsweremadefromwovenreedmatting,thegapsandchinksstuffedwithsheetsofnewspaper.Theroofwasabareplasticsheet,drapedoverthebambooframeworkofthehut.
TheblackplasticroofwassolowthatIhadtostoopalittle.I’dspentalotoftimeinthehumidswelterofahutjustlikehers.Iknewthatanunpleasantlyhotdayonthecity’sstreetsbecameaninfernoinasmallhut,eachbreathastruggle,andsweatdrippinglikerainfromdroopingleaves.
Ilookedather,theBombayDiva,sittingonthepatchworkblanketsandtalkingwiththegirls.
Ihadn’tlied:itdidgetbetter,whenIlivedintheslum,butonlyafteritgotsobadthatIthoughtIcouldn’tstandanotherminuteofteemingcrowds,constantnoise,lackofwater,roamingcohortsofrats,andtheconstantbackgroundhumofhungerandfatallywoundedhope.
Icouldn’ttellherthatthebetterdaysonlyeverbeganaftertheworstday.AndIcouldn’tknowthattheworstday,forDiva,wasonlytwenty-fourhoursaway.
‘Ibroughtyousomesupplies,’Isaid,leaningovertohandherthelittlepileofrolledjoints,andaquarter-bottleoflocalrum.
‘Amanoftasteanddistinction,’shesmiled,acceptingthegifts.‘Sitdown,Shantaram,andjoinus.Thegirlswerejustabouttoexplainwhoseassyouhavetokiss,justtotakeashitaroundhere.’
‘I’lltakearaincheck,Diva,’Ismiled,‘butI’mgonnastickaroundforabitwithNaveenandDidier,untilyousleep,soIwon’tbefar.IsthereanythingelseIcangetyou?’
‘No,man,’shesaid.‘Notunlessyoucanbringmydadhere.’
‘Thatwouldbekindadefeatingthepurpose,’Ismiledagain.‘Butassoonasthissituationwithyourdadsettlesdown,I’msureNaveenwillputyoutogetheragain.’
‘Ihopeso,’shesaid.‘WhenIfirstlookedattheseskinnygirls,Ithoughttheycouldselltheirslimmingdietformillions,tomyfriendsalone.ButthenIrealisedthatthey’rehungry.Whatthehellisgoingonhere?’
‘Welcometotheotherside.’
‘Well,ifIstayhereforaweek,that’smorethanenoughtimetochangeallthat,’Divasaid.
OneofthegirlstranslatedherEnglishwordsintoHindi,asshespoke.Thegirlsallapplaudedandcheered.Divawastriumphant.
‘Yousee?Therevolutionhasalreadystarted.’
Theimpishrebelfirewasstillinhereyes,butherfacecouldn’thidethefearthatcrouchedinherheart.
Shewasanintelligentgirl.SheknewthatNaveen,DidierandIwouldn’tinsistonsomethingasdrasticasaweekintheslum,ifwedidn’tfearsomethingmoredrasticontheopenstreet.
Iwassureshemissedthecossetingluxuryofthefamilymansion,theonlyhomeshe’deverknown.Naveensaiditwasalwayswellstockedwithfriends,food,drink,entertainmentandservants.Andmaybe,inpart,shefeltthatherfatherhaddesertedher,bybanishinghertoNaveen’scare.
Iwatchedhersmilingthatstiff,unflinchingsmile,andtalkingwiththegirls.Shewasafraidforherfather,thatmuchwasclear:perhapsmorethanforherself.Andshewasalone,andinadifferentworld:aforeigntouristinthecitywhereshewasborn.
Iwenttothehutnextdoor,andsettleddownonawell-wornbluecarpetbesideDidierandNaveen.Theywereplayingpoker.
‘Willyouplayahand,Lin?’Didierasked.
‘Idon’tthinkso,Didier.I’mkindofscatteredtonight.Can’tthinkstraightenoughtoplayinyourclass.’
‘Verywell,’Didiersmiledgood-naturedly.‘ThenIshallcontinuethelesson.IamteachingNaveenhowtocheatwithhonour.’
‘Honourablecheating?’
‘Cheatinghonourably,’Didiercorrected.
‘Howtospotacheat,aswell,’Naveenadded.‘Didyouknowthere’sexactlyonehundredandfourwaystocheat?Twoforeverycardinthedeck.It’sfascinatingstuff.Didiercouldteachauniversitycourseinthis.’
‘Cheatingatcardsissimplymagic,’Didiersaidmodestly.‘Andmagicissimplycheatingatcards.’
Iletthemplay,sittingbesidethemandsippingoneofDidier’semergencyflasks.Itwasadifficultnightforme,too,althoughnotthemind-shockthatitwasforDiva.
Ifeltthedomeoftheslumcommunitybeginningtocloseovermewithsounds,smellsandaswirlofdefiantmemories.Iwasbackinthewombofmankind.Iheardacoughnearby,amancryingoutinsleep,achildwaking,andahusbandtalkingsoftlytohiswifeabouttheirdebtsinMarathi.Icouldsmellincense,burninginadozenhousesaroundus.
Myheartbeatwastryingtofinditssynchronywithtwenty-fivethousandothers,fireflies,unevenuntiltheylearntoflashandfadeinthesamewavesoflight.ButIcouldn’tconnect.Somethinginmylifeormyhearthadchanged.Thepartofmethathadsettledsowillinglyinthelakeofconsciousnessthatwastheslum,yearsbefore,wasmissing.
WhenIescapedfromprisonIsearchedforahome,wanderingfromcountrytocity,hopingthatI’drecogniseitwhenIfoundit.WhenImetKarla,Ifoundlove,instead.Ididn’tknowthenthatthesearchforonealwaysleadstotheother.
IsaidgoodnighttoDidierandNaveen,checkedonDiva,alreadyasleepinthearmsofnewDivagirls,andwalkedthoselanesfeelingsadderthanIcouldunderstand.
Asmallpariahdogjoinedme,skippingaheadandthenrunningbacktocollidewithmylegs.WhenIlefttheslumandstartedmybike,shejoinedapackofstreetdogs,howlingprovocatively.
IheadedtotheAmritsarhoteltodosomewriting.AsIcruisedalongtheemptycausewayInoticedArshan,Farzad’sfather,thenominalheadofthethreefamiliesthatwerelookingfortreasure.
Arshanwasn’ttreasurehunting:hewasstaringfixedlyattheColabapolicestation,acrosstheroadfromwherehestood.Iwheeledthebikearoundinacircle,andpulledupbesidehim.
‘Hi,Arshan.How’sitgoing?’
‘Oh,fine,fine,’hesaidabsently.
‘It’skindalate,’Iobserved.‘Andthisisaroughneighbourhood.There’sabank,apolicestationandafashionbrandstore,allwithintwentymetres.’
Hesmiledsoftly,buthiseyesneverwaveredfromthepolicestation.
‘I’m…I’mwaitingforsomeone,’hesaidvaguely.
‘Maybeheisn’tcoming.CanIofferyoualifthome?’
‘I’mfine,’hesaidagain.‘I’mfine,Lin.Yougoon.’
Hewassodistractedthathishandsweretwitching,reflexesdrivenbyviolentthoughts,andhisexpressionhadunconsciouslysettledintoagrimaceofpain.
‘I’mgonnahavetoinsist,Arshan,’Isaid.‘Youdon’tlookgood,man.’
Hegraduallybroughthimselfbacktothemoment,shookhishead,blinkedthestarefromhiseyes,andacceptedtheride.
Hedidn’tsayawordonthewayhome,andonlymutteredthanksandfarewellabstractedly,ashewalkedtowardthedoorofhishome.
Farzadopenedforus,gaspinginconcernforhisdad.
‘Whatisit,Pop?Areyouokay?’
‘I’mfine,boy,’hereplied,restingonhisson’sshoulder.
‘Lin,willyoucomein?’Farzadasked.
Itwasabraveoffer,becausethekidwasstillintheCompany,andwebothknewSanjaywouldn’tapproveofhimhostingme.
‘I’mgood,Farzad,’Isaid.‘Let’scatchup,oneofthesedays.’
AttheAmritsarIthreweverythingoffandtookalongshower.Diva,whomust’veenjoyedbathsfoamingwithscentedoilsinherfather’smansion,wouldhavetowashinasmalldishofwaterintheslum,andliketheothergirls,she’dhavetowashfullyclothed.
Poorkid,Ithought,asIdressedagain,butremindedmyselfthatNaveenwasnevermorethanacallforhelpaway.AndIwonderedhowlongitwouldtaketheIndian-Irishdetectivetoadmitthathewasinlovewithher.
Imadeano-breadsandwichoftunafish,tomatoandonionbetweenslicesofParmesancheese,dranktwobeers,andlookedoverDidier’sblackmarketscamsforawhile.
He’dmadepagesofnotes,withprofilesonthekeyplayers,profitmarginspermonth,salaries,andbriberypayoffs.WhenI’dreadthem,Ishovedthepaperstotheendofthebed,andpickedupmyjournal.
TherewasthatnewshortstoryI’dbeentryingtowrite,abouthappy,lovingpeopledoinghappy,lovingthings.Alovestory.Afable.ItriedtoputafewmorelinesintothestreamofwordsI’dalreadycomposed.Irereadthefirstparagraph.
Whenitcomestothetruth,therearetwokindsoflovers:thosewhofindtruthinlove,andthosewhofindloveintruth.CleonWintersneversoughtthetruthinanything,oranyone,becausehedidn’tbelieveintruth.Butthen,whenhefellinlovewithShanassa,truthfoundhim,andallthelieshe’dtoldhimselfbecamelocusts,feedingonfieldsofdoubt.WhenShanassakissedhim,hefellintoacoma,andwasunconsciousforsixmonths,submergedinalakeofpuretruth
Ipersistedwiththestoryforawhile,butthecharactersbegantochange,followingtheirownmorphology,andbecamepeopleIknew:Karla,Concannon,Diva.
Thefacesblurred,myeyesdrooped,andeveryreturntoalinewasanotherwaveofwill.Ibegantofloatontheseaofthem,realfacesandimagined.
Thejournalfellbesidethebed.Loosepagesfromthenotebookswirledfree.Theoverheadfanscatteredpagesofmyhappy,lovingstoryintoDidier’scrimesynopses.Hispagessettledonmineandminejoinedhis,andthewindwrotecrimeaslove,andloveascrime,asIslept.ChapterForty-Nine
Therewillbeconstantaffirmations,Idrisshadsaid,againandagain.Iftheywerethere,Ididn’tseethem,evenindreams.Idrisstalkedofspiritualthings,buttheonlythingthatcametomindforme,inthewordspiritual,wasnature.Ihadn’tfoundmyconnectiontohistendencyfield,andoutthereonthatfringeoftheworld,Ididn’tfeelthatIbelongedtoanythingbutKarla
I’dsearchedthefaithsIcouldfind.IlearnedprayersinlanguagesIcouldn’tspeak,andprayedwithbelieverswhenevertheyinvitedmetojointhem.ButIalwaysconnectedtothepeopleandthepurityoftheirfaith,ratherthanthereligiouscodetheyfollowed.Ioftenhadeverythingincommonwiththem,infact,buttheirGod.
IdrissspokeoftheDivineinthelanguageofscience,andspokeofscienceinthelanguageoffaith.Itmadeastrangekindofsensetome,whereKhaderbhai’slecturesoncosmologyonlyeverleftmewithgoodquestions.Idrisswasajourney,likeeveryteacher,andIwantedtolearnontheway,butthespiritualpathIcouldseealwaysledtoforests,wheretalkingstoppedlongenoughforbirdstofindtrees,andtooceansandriversanddeserts.Andeachwokenbeautifulday,eachlivedandwrittennight,carriedinsideitasmall,ineffaceableemptinessofquestions.
Ishowered,drankcoffee,tidiedmyroomsandwentdowntomybike,parkedinthealleywayunderthebuilding.IhadabreakfastmeetingwithAbdullah.Iwantedtoseehim,andIwasafraidtoseehim:afraidthatfriendshiphadfadedinhiseyes.SoIrodeandthoughtofDivaDevnani,therichgirlinaverypoorslum,whosefatherwaswatchingthesandrunthroughhisfingers.ImadeanotetobuyhersomeKeralagrassandabottleofcoconutrumforwhenIcheckedonher.
WhenIparkedmybikebesideAbdullah’s,acrossthestreetfromtheSaurabhrestaurant,Ilookedupslowlyandreluctantly,buttheeyesthatmetminewereastrueasthey’dalwaysbeen.Hehuggedme,andwesqueezedontoasmallbenchbehindatablethatgaveusbothaviewofthedoor.
‘Youarethesubjectofdiscussion,’hesaid,asweworkedourwaythroughmasaladosasanddumplingsinmangosauce.‘DaSilvamadeabetthatyouwouldnotlivetoseetheendofthemonth.’
‘Anyonetakethebet?’
‘Ofcoursenot,’Abdullahsaid,betweenmouthfuls.‘IbeatDaSilvawithabamboorod.Hewithdrewthewager.’
‘Solid.’
‘ThetalkfromSanjayiswhatcounts,fornow,andSanjaywantsyoutolive.’
‘Inthewayacatwantsamousetolive?’
‘Morelikeatigerandamouse,’hereplied.‘HethinkstheScorpionsarecats,andthattheyhateyoumorethanDaSilvadoes.’
‘So,amIatargetorausefuldistraction,forSanjay?’
‘Thelast.HedoesnotexpectthatyouwillsurviveoutsidetheCompanyforalongtime.Butyouareuseful,inauniqueway.’
‘Uh-huh?’
‘Whileyoulive,youareirritating.’
‘Thanks.’
‘Don’tmention.Infact,Ithinkyouwillprobablybeirritating,evenafteryouaredead.Itisararequality.’
‘Thanksagain.’
‘Don’tmention.’
‘WheredoIstandwithbusiness?’
‘Hedoesnotthinkyouwillsurvivelongenough,toestablishabusiness.’
‘Igotthat.ButifIdosurvive,say,untilthedayaftertomorrow,whenI’dliketogetstarted,howdoIstand?’
‘Sanjayassuredmethathewouldlicenseyou,likeeveryoneelse,butatahigherpercentage.’
‘Andtheysaymafiadonshavenoheart.CanIdomyownpassports?’
‘Hedoesnotthinkyouwill–’
‘–survivelongenough.ButifIdo?’
‘Sanjayhassaidthatyouarebannedfromthepassportfactory.Youryoungmanthere,Farzad,cametoseeSanjaypersonally,askingthathebepermittedtolearnfromyouprivately.Sanjaysaidthathedidnotthink–’
‘–I’dsurvivelongenough,right,buthedidn’truleitout?’
‘No.HeorderedFarzadnottocontactyou,orspeaktoyou.’
‘AndifIboughtmyownkit,andstartedmodifyingbooks?’
‘Hedoesnotthink–’
‘Abdullah,’Isighed,‘Idon’tcareifSanjaythinksIwon’tlastthewinter.TheonlyopinionIrespectonthatsubjectismyown.JusttellSanjay,whenyougetaminute,thatoneofthesedayshemightneedagoodpassportfrommehimself.Ifhe’scoolwithit,I’dliketostartmakingbooks.I’mgoodatit,andit’sananarchistcrime.Seeifyoucangethimtoagree,okay?’
‘Jarur,brother.’
Itwasgoodtohearhimcallmebrother,butIdidn’tknowifhewasacceptingmydefectionfromtheCompany,orifhisdisaffectionwasdrivinghimclosertomyrenegadesideoftheline.
‘YouwillbetakingoverallofDidier’senterprises?’heasked.
‘Notallofthem.I’mlettingthedrugsgo.TheCompanycanpickitup,iftheywant.Amircanhaveit.Andtheescorts,too.TheycanhaveallofDidier’sescortstringsinSouthBombay.Iwroteoffthedebts,andleteveryonerunfree.They’reoutthere,doingtheirownthings.ButtheCompanycanprobablynegotiatethembackagain,Iguess.’
‘Itwillbedonebeforenightfall,’heintoned,hisdeepvoicerumblingthesyllables.‘So,withoutthegirlsandthedrugs,youwillhavewhat,exactly?’
‘AllDidier’scurrencytoutsarewithme.I’vegotenoughtofloataboutfifteenoftheblackmoneytradersfromFloraFountaintoColabaMarket,foramonth.Ifitticksover,I’lldookay.Ontheside,I’mspecialisinginwatchesandtechnology.Everystreetguyonthestripwillbringstufftomefirst,beforeanyotherbuyer.IthinkIcanmakethatwork.’
‘Watches?’heasked,frowningsternly.
‘There’salotofmoneyincollectorwatches.’
‘Butwatches,Lin?’hesaid,suddenlyalmostangry.‘Youwereasoldier,withKhaderbhai.’
‘I’mnotasoldier,Abdullah.I’magangster,andsoareyou.’
‘Youwereoneofhissons.Howcanyousithere,andtalktomeofwatches?’
‘Okay,’Isaid,tryingtomakeitlight.‘HowaboutwerideourbikestoNarimanPoint,andI’llsitthere,andtalkofwatches?’
Herosefromthetable,lefttherestaurant,andstrodetohismotorcycle.Hedidn’tpayabillinanyrestaurantinSouthBombay.Nogangstereverdid.Ipaid,leftatipforthewaiters,andcaughtuptohim.
‘Arideisnecessary,’hesaid.
IfollowedhimtoBombayUniversity,whereweparkedthebikes,walkedthroughthecolonnadesandleafylaneways,andenteredtheopenplayingfieldscalledAzadMaidan,behindthecampusandotherbuildings.
Therewasafenceofironspearsbetweenthevastexpanseoftheplayingfieldsandthestreetoutside,withonlyoneotherentrypoint,servedbyalongpathacrossthelawnstotheuniversity.Thesun’sinvisiblelakeoflightreflectedgoldoffeverysurfaceandfeature.
AbdullahandIwalkedthefenceline,sidebyside,justawayfromtheshaggyweedsthatgatheredatthebase.
ItwasalmostexactlylikethewalksI’dmadewithothermeneveryday,inprison,walkingandtalking,walkingandtalkingincirclesofyears.
‘Howbadhasitbeen?’Iaskedhim.‘Iheardsomestuffonthemountain.What’sthedealwiththefire,attheScorpionhouse?’
Hepursedhislips.He’danticipatedthatI’daskhimaboutthefightinginColaba,andthefirethatkilledanurseinVishnu’shouse.Iknewwhythatnursewasinthehouse.IwonderedifAbdullahoranyoneintheCompanyknewthatcivilianswereinthehouse.Ihadn’tknown,whenIrangthebell,andIhadn’ttoldAbdullahoranyoneelseaboutit.
Heletadeepbreathescapethroughhisnose,hislipspressedfirmlyinarumpledfrown.
‘Lin,Iamgoingtotrustyou,asifyouarestillinthefamily.ItisnotwhatIshoulddo,butitiswhatImustdo.’
‘Abdullah,I’mabroadstrokesguy,youknowthat.Idon’twantintimatedetailsaboutanythingexceptintimacy,ifIcanhelpit.Anddon’tgobreakingyouroathforme,althoughIloveyouforit,man.Justletmeknowthebigpicturedetails,soIknowwho’sshootingatwho.’
‘ItwasFarid,’Abdullahsaid.‘Icounselledagainstit.Fireisindiscriminate.Iwantedtodiscriminate,andkillthempersonally.Allofthem,onceandforall.Sanjaydecidedtousefire.Faridsetit,andtheScorpionsescaped,butanurse,whowasnotsupposedtobethere,shediedintheflames.’
‘Where’sFaridnow?’
‘Heisstillhere,atSanjay’sside.Herefusestoleavethecity,whenitwouldbefarwiserifhedid.’
‘There’salotofthatgoingaroundatthemoment.’
‘Whatisgoingaround?’
‘Nothing.Justastraythoughtinthewind.TheScorpionswillhitbackhard,Abdullah.I’vemetthisguy,Vishnu.He’snolightweight.He’ssmart,andhe’sgotapoliticalagenda.Thatgiveshimalliesinunlikelyplaces.Don’tunderestimatehisrevenge.’
‘Whatdoeshewant?’
‘Hewantswhatyouwant,uptoapoint.HewantsSanjaydead.ButhewantsthewholeCompanydeadwithhim.Andhe’sgotathingaboutPakistan.’
‘Pakistan?’
‘Pakistan,’Irepeated.‘Neighbourcountry,kindpeople,nicelanguage,greatmusic,secretpolice.Pakistan.’
‘Thatisnotagoodthing,’Abdullahfrowned.‘SanjayhasmademanyfriendsinPakistan.ItwasthosefriendswhosenttheAfghanguardstoprotecthim.’
Wewereapproachingacurveinthefence.Ayoungcouplesatonablanketinthewarm,plushgrass.Theyhadseveralbooksopeninfrontofthem.Amessageofcrowswashoppingaroundthem,baskinginthemorningsunandsearchingforworms
Abdullahbegantoturnawaytoavoidthecouple.
‘Waitaminute,’Isaid.‘Iknowthoseguys.’
VinsonandRannveiglookedup,smiling,asweapproached.IintroducedAbdullah,andstoopedtopickuponeofthebooks.ItwasJosephCampbell’sTheHerowithaThousandFaces
‘HowdidyougetintoCampbell?’
‘Westudiedhimatuniversity,’Rannveigsaid.‘I’mteachingacrashcoursetoStuart.’
‘It’sovermyhead,’Vinsongrinned,wavingahandovertheblondewavesofhishair.
‘CarlosCastaneda,’Isaid,readingthecoversofotherbooks.‘RobertPirsig,EmmettGrogan,EldridgeCleaver,andtheBuddha.Nicebunch.YoucouldthrowSocratesandHowardZinnontothatlist.Ididn’tknowyou’reastudenthere.’
‘I’mnot,’Rannveigsaidquickly.
‘Technically,I’mthestudent,’Vinsonsaid.‘Ienrolledherenearlytwoyearsago,butI’vebunkedallmyclasses.Stillhavethelibrarycard,though.’
‘Well,happyreading,guys,’Isaid,turningaway.
‘Itworked,’Rannveigsaid.‘Thatthing,withtheplateoffood.’
Iturnedback.
‘Itdid?’
‘Yes,’shesaid.‘SweetToothwashappy,Iguess.He’sgone.Thankyou.’
‘Whatareyouguystalkingabout?’Vinsonasked,hisfaceasperplexedasaten-year-oldkid’s.
OneofthethingsIlikedmostaboutVinsonwasthathisfacewassowideopenthatitgavenowhereforhisfeelingstohide.Whateverhethoughtorfeltstartedinhisface.Hewashisownstraightman.
‘Tellyoulater,’Rannveigsaid,wavinggoodbye.
‘Dothosepeoplealsobuyandsellwatches?’Abdullahasked,aswecontinuedtheloopoftheplayingfieldsbacktowardthecampusentrance.
‘Arewebacktothatagain?’
Abdullahharrumphed.Thereactuallyarepeoplewhoharrumph.Iknowquiteafew,asitturnsout.MytheoryisthatharrumphershaveatinypinchofextrabearDNAthantherestofus,intheirsetup.
‘Ihaveyourgunsforyou,’hesaidgrudgingly.‘Tellmewhereyouwantmetodeliverthem.’
‘Iknowaguywho’llkeepthemsafe,fortenpercent.I’llgiveyouthedetails.Thanks,Abdullah.LetmeknowwhatIoweyou.’
‘Theweaponsareagift,’hesaid,stung.
‘I’msorry,brother,ofcourse.Damnnice.Andspeakingofweapons,I’vegotameetingwithVikrant,myknifeguy,inSassoonDock.IsthereanythingIcandoforyou?’
Weapproachedthearchwayleadingbackthroughthecampustothestreet,buthestoppedmebeforeIcouldjointhemillofstudentspassingthroughthearch.
‘Thereissomething,’Abdullahbegan,butheclosedhismouthfirmlyagain,breathinghardthroughhisnose.‘Sanjayhasforbiddenusfrombefriendingyou,orcontactingyou,foranyreasonotherthanCompanybusiness.’
‘Isee.’
‘Youunderstandwhatthismeans?’
‘I…guessso.’
‘Itmeansthatthenexttimewemeetopenly,Sanjaywillbedead.’
‘What?’
‘Beconfidentandunafraid,’hesaid,huggingmefiercely,andthenholdingmeinhisoutstretchedarms,assolidasadoorjamb.‘Youhaveeyeswatchingyou.’
‘Yougotthatright.’
‘No.ImeanthatIhavepaidsomeeyestowatchyou,forsometime,’hesaidpatiently.
‘Youhave?Who?’
‘TheCycleKillers.’
‘Youpaidhomicidalmaniacstowatchoutforme?’
‘Idid.’
‘That’sverythoughtful.Andexpensive.Maniacsdon’tcomecheap.’
‘Youareright.ItooksomemoneyfromKhaled’streasure,topayforit.’
‘HowdidKhaledfeelaboutthat?’
‘Heagreed.MyfeelingisthattheonlywayIcanlurehimbacktoBombay,andhistruedestiny,istobringhistreasurefromthemountaintothecity,onepieceatatime.’
‘You’rekidding,right?’
Helookedmeupanddown,profoundlyoffended.
‘Inevermakejokes.’
‘Youdo,too,’Ilaughed.‘Youjustdon’tknowyoudo.You’reafunnyguy,Abdullah.’
‘Iam?’heasked,grimacing.
‘Youhiredhomicidalmaniacstoprotectme.You’reafunnyguy,Abdullah.Lisaalwayslaughedwhenshewaswithyou,remember?’
Lisa.
Helookedacrossthefields,themusclesinhisjawrippling,althoughhiseyeswereperfectlystill.Universitystudentswereplayingcricket,kickingfootballs,sittingingroups,doingcartwheels,anddancingfornoreason.
Lisa.
‘YouwereherRakhibrother,’Isaid.‘Shenevertoldme.’
‘Bigchangesarecoming,’Abdullahsaid,findingmyeyes.‘Thenexttimeyouseeme,perhapsitwillbeatmyfuneral.Kissmeasabrother,andpraythatAllahforgivesmysins.’
Hekissedmycheek,whisperedgoodbye,andslippedgracefullyintothestreamofstudentsflowingthroughthearch.
Thefields,surroundedbythelong,spearedfence,seemedlikeavastgreennet,castbythesuntocatchbrilliantyoungminds.MyeyessearchedforVinsonandRannveig,inthefarcornerofthepark,butIcouldn’tfindthem.
AbdullahwasalreadygonewhenIreachedmybike.Itwashighnoon,andhedidn’twanttoexplainbeingseenwithme.Iwonderedwhen,andhow,I’deverseehimagain.
IrodebacktotheSassoonDockarea,andVikrant’smetalshop.Ipresentedtherenownedknife-makerwiththetwohalvesoftheswordwilledtomebyKhaderbhai.
Vikrant’sbargainingsystemwastobeginwiththecheapestsolution,sellyouonit,andthenexposethefatalflawinthecheapestoption.That,ofcourse,ledtothenextcheapestoption,thenexthardsell,thenextfatalflaw,andthenextoption,andthenextfatalflaw.
I’dtriedovertheyearstogetVikranttocutstraighttothevery-expensive-option-with-zero-fatal-flaws,butunfortunatelythatwasn’tanoption.
‘Dowehavetodotheoptionthingagain,Vikrant?Can’tyoujustgimmethedeluxedealnow?Ireallydon’tgiveashithowmuchitcosts.Andit’sreallyirritating,man.’
‘Asineverythingelseinlife,’theknife-makersaid,‘there’sarightway,andawrongway,tobeirritating.’
‘Uh-huh?’
‘Indeed.Me,forexample,I’mprofessionallyirritating.Myirritatinggoeswiththeterritory.Butyou,you’reirritatingwithoutanyreasonatall.’
‘No,I’mnot.’
‘You’reirritatingmenow,evenaswespeak.’
‘Fuckyou,Vikrant.Areyougonnafixthesword,ornot?’
Hestudiedtheweaponforsometime,tryingnottosmile.
‘I’lldoit,’hesaid.‘ButonlyifIcanfixitmyownway.Thehilthasafatalflaw.Athird-rateoption.’
‘Great.Goahead.’
‘No,’hesaid,holdingtheswordinhisupturnedpalms.‘Youmustunderstand.IfIfixitmyway,itwillneverbreak,anditwillbeapartnerwithTime,butitwillnotbethesameswordthatKhaderbhai’sancestorscarriedintobattle.Itwilllookdifferent,anditwillfeeldifferent.Thesoulofitwillbedifferent.’
‘Isee.’
‘Doyouwanttopreservehistory,’theknife-makerasked,allowinghimselfasmile,‘ordoyouwanthistorytopreserveyou?’
‘Funnyguy,Vikrant.Iwanttheswordtolast.It’slikeatrust,andIcan’tbesurethatthenextguywillhaveitrepairedifitbreaksagain.Dothedeluxe,Vikrant.Makeherlastforever,andgiveheramakeover,butkeepherunderwrapsuntilyou’refinished,okay?Itmakesmesad.’
‘Thesword,orthetrust?’
‘Both.’
‘Thik,Shantaram.’
‘Okay.AndthanksforthemessageyousentthroughDidier,aboutLisa.Meantalot.’
‘Shewasanicegirl,’hesighed,wavinggoodbye.‘Gonetoabetterplace,man.’
‘Abetterplace,’Ismiled,thinkingitstrangethatwecanthinkofanylifeasbetterthanthelifewe’reliving.
Iavoidedbetterplaces,andspentthelongdayandeveningdoingtheroundsofcurrencydealersandtouts,fromtheFountaintothePointtothemangrovesinColabaBackBay.
IlistenedtoChinese-whisperedgangstergossipupanddownthestrip,madenotesonallthemoneychangers’talliesandestimates,checkedthemagainstDidier’snotes,foundoutwhotheprincipalpredatorswere,whichrestaurantsfavouredusandwhichbannedus,howoftenthecopsdemandedmoney,whichmencouldbetrusted,whichgirlscouldn’tbetrusted,whichshopswerefrontsforotherbusinesses,andhowmucheachsquarefootofblackmarketfootpathinColabacost.
Crimedoespay,ofcourse,otherwisenobodywoulddoit.Crimeusuallypaysfaster,ifnotbetter,thanWallStreet.ButWallStreethasthecops.Andthecopsweremylaststopbeforevisitingtheslum,tocheckonDivaandNaveen.
LightningDilipgesturedtowardachair,whenIwalkedintohisoffice.
‘Don’tsitinthefuckingchair,’hesaid.‘Whatthefuckdoyouwant?’
Hewaslookingmeover,rememberingthelastbeatinghe’dgivenme,hopingforalimp.
‘Lightning-ji,’Ibeganpolitely.‘IjustwanttoknowifIcanstillbribeyou,nowthatI’mfreelancing,orifIhavetogotoSub-InspectorPatil.I’mhopingforyou,becausethesub-inspectorcanbearealpainintheass.Butifyoutellhimthat,I’lldenyit.’
Theconstableslaughed.LightningDilipglaredatthem.
‘Throwthismotherfuckerintheunderbarrack,’hesaidtothecops,lounginginthedoorway.‘Andkickhisheadsideways.’
Theystoppedlaughing,andmovedtowardme.
‘Justkidding,’Lightninglaughed,holdingupahandtostophismen.‘Justkidding.’
Thecopslaughed.Ilaughed,too.Itwasprettyfunny,initsownway.
‘Fivepercent,’Isaid.
‘Sevenandahalf,’Lightningshotback.‘AndI’llgiveyouachairtositin,nexttimeyouvisittheunderbarrack.’
Thecopslaughed.Ilaughed,too,becauseIwould’vegivenhimtenpercent.
‘Done.Youdriveahardbargain,Lightning-ji.Youdidn’tmarryaMarwariwifefornothing.’
TheMarwarisaretradingpeoplefromRajasthan,innorthernIndia.Theyhaveareputationforshrewdbusiness,andsharpdealmaking.LightningDilip’sMarwariwifehadareputationforspendingmoneyfasterthanLightningcouldbeatitfromhisvictims.
Helookedatme,tastingthementionofhiswifewithoutpleasure.Hislipcurled.Everysadisthasasadistintheshadows.Whenyouknowwhoitis,justthementionofthenameisenough.
‘Getoutofhere!’
‘Thankyou,Sergeant-ji,’Isaid.
Iwalkedpastthecopswho’dchainedandkickedme,weeksbefore.Theysmiled,andnoddedgood-naturedly.Thatwasprettyfunnytoo,initsownway.ChapterFifty
IparkedoutsidetheslumandmademywaytoJohnny’shouse.Hewasn’tthere,soIwenttotheadjoininghutsbeingusedbyNaveenandDiva.Iheardthem,asusual,beforeIsawthem.
‘Doyouknowwhatawomanhastodototakeashitaroundhere?’Divademanded,asIwalkedintothelittleclearspaceinfrontoftheirhuts.
‘Wow,thatwasalongconversation,’Isaid.‘Weren’tyouonthatlasttime?’
‘Doyouknow,MrKharabDhandhaShantaram?’shedemanded,usingthetermfordirtybusiness
‘Ido.Iusedtolivehere.Anditain’tright.’
‘Damnright,it’snotright,’Divasaid,turningfrommetopokeNaveeninthechest.‘Awomancan’tshitinthedaytime,forexample.’
Therewereseveralpeopleinthegroup.NaveenandDidierwerestandinginfrontofNaveen’shut.DivawaswithJohnny’swife,Sita,andthreegirlsfromsurroundinghouses.
‘I–’Naveentried.
‘Imagineifsomeonetoldyouthatyoucan’ttakeashit,allday,becauseyou’reaman,andsomebodymightseeyoutakingashit.You’dtotallyfreakout,right?’
‘I–’
‘Well,that’swhatwegettold,becausewe’rewomen.Andwhenweareallowedtotakeashit,whenthesungoesdown,wehavetoclamberaroundtherocks,anddoitinsomemiserablefuckingplaceinthetotaldark,becauseifwecarryatorch,someonemightseethatwe’retakingashit!’
‘I–’
‘Andwomengetmolested,outthereinthedark.There’scrazyguyshangingaround.Guyswhodon’tmindthattheplaceisfullofshit.Guyswhoactuallypreferitthatway.I’mnotkidding,andI’mnotputtingupwithit.Iwaitedtilldarktotakeashit,andI’mnotdoingthatagain.I’mthefuckoutofhere,andthatmeanstonight!I’mleaving.’
NaveenwasconsideringwhethertosayIagain.HelookedatDidier.Didierlookedatme.Ilookedatthefascinatingknotontheedgeofabamboosupportpole.
Therewasacommotion,andJohnnyrushedinfromoneofthenarrowerlanesweusedforshortcuts.
Hesawus,andstopped.Hismouthwasopen.Hishandswereoutinfrontofhim,asifhewasholdingabranch.
‘Whatisit,Johnny?’Sitaasked,inMarathi.
‘I…Ican’t…’
‘Johnny,what’sup?’Iasked.
Hewasstiff,asifhewasreadytorunsomewhere.Hisfacestruggled.Sitawenttohim,andledhimaway.Afteraminuteshereturned,andcalledNaveenandmetoher.
DidierandthegirlsremainedwithDiva.
‘Whatthefuckisgoingon?’Divasaid.‘I’mleaving!Hello?Dideverybodyforgetthatpart?’
Johnnywassittinginaplasticarmchair,drinkingfromabottleofchilledwater.
‘Theyarealldead,’hesaid.
‘Who’sdead?’Naveenasked.
‘Aanu’sfather,ImeanDiva’sfather,andeveryoneathishouse.Everyone.Eventhegardeners.Eventhepets.Itwasahorriblemassacre.’
‘When?’
‘Justnow,’Johnnysaidbreathlessly.‘Lin,howcanwetellthatgirl?Ican’tdoit.Ican’t.’
‘Didyoucheckthestory?’
‘Yes,Naveen,ofcourseIdid.Thepoliceandpressaregoingmad.Itwillbeonthenews,verysoon,andthenshewillknowanyway.Shouldwejustwait?Whatarewegoingtodo?’
‘Turnontheradio,Johnny,’Isaid.
Sitaclickedonthelocalnewschannel.
Badwordslikeslaughterandmassacrepouredfromthemouthoftheradio.MukeshDevnaniandsevenofhishouseholdhadbeenkilled.Thehouseholdpetshadbeenkilled.Nothing,andno-one,wasspared.
DivyaDevnani,thewordssaid,againandagain,thesoleheirtotheDevnanifortune,mightalsohavebeenkilledintheslaughter,themassacre,theslaughter.
‘Wecan’tletherfindoutbyhearingthat,’Isaid.‘She’sgottabetold.’
‘I’lltellher,’Naveensaid,softlightinhiseyes.
‘Good,’Isaid.‘It’stoughonyou,butitshouldbeyou.Butnothere.Let’sgodowntotherocks,andthesea.There’saquietplaceIknow.’
Shedidn’tprotest,whenwewalkedthroughtheslum,butaswesteppedamongtheblackstonesontheshoreline,shetriedtowalkbackintotheslum.Ithinkshesensedthatbadnewshadfoundaplacetodrownitself.
Naveenheldherinhisarms,andtoldher.Shebrokethehug,walkedafewuncertainstepsontherockyshore,andbegantostaggeraway.
Naveenfollowedherclosely,catchingherafewtimeswhenherbarefeetslippedbetweentherocks.
Shestumbledoninadaze,hereyesblind,herlegsmovinginaninstincttofleesufferingandfear.
I’dseenitbefore,duringaprisonriot:amansoscaredthathewalkedintoastonewall,againandagain,alwayshopingforadoor.Hermindwassomewhereelse,searchingforthevanishedworld.
Withoutherrealisingit,Naveenledherinawidearc,andbacktome.Shesatplacidly,then,onaboulder,andveryslowlycamebacktoherself.Whenshedid,shestartedcryinguncontrollably.
IleftherwithNaveen,wholovedher,andreturnedtothehutstobringSitaandthegirlstohelp.Sitawasgone,butIfoundKarlaandtheZodiacGeorgesinstead.
IlookedatDidier.Diva’shidingplaceintheslumwasasecret.
‘Ithoughtitwise,thatshehavesomesupport,’Didiersaid.‘Especiallysinceweshallallbespendingthenightheretosupporther,inthis…communityfacility,isitnotso?’
Karlakissedmehello.
‘Howisshe?’
‘Ithitherlikeanaxehandle,’Isaid,‘butshecamearoundokay.She’satoughgirl.Goodthatyou’rehere.She’swithNaveen,downbythesea.I’dgivethemawhileyet.She’sprettycutup,andNaveenknewherfather.’
‘Didieristoomuchofagentlemantokeepasecret,’Didiersaid,‘andleaveDivawithoutfriends,onanightofsuchterribledisasterasthis.’
‘AndDidieristooscaredofghosts,’Karlaadded,‘tostayherealone.’
‘Ghosts?’
‘Clearly,’Didiersaid,‘theplaceishaunted.Iamsensingpresences.’
‘Whateverthereason,I’mgladyou’rehere.’
‘It’sbeenawhile,’shesaid,lookingaroundattheslumhuts.‘Anyspecialattractionsthistime?Cholera,typhoid?’
There’dbeenacholeraoutbreakyearsbefore,whileIwaslivingintheslum.Karlahadcometohelpmefightit.She’dacceptedthelocalrats,nursedhelplesspeople,andcleaneddiarrhoeafromearthenfloorsonherhandsandknees.
‘Itsoundscrazy,Iguess,butthattimewithyou,backthen,it’soneofmyhappiestmemories.’
‘Mine,too,’shesaid,glancingaround.‘Andyou’reright.It’scrazy.WhatarethegirlsdoingtoDiva’splace?’
‘They’resprucingitup.Hopingtoraiseherspirits,Ithink.’
‘Therearespiritsbeingraisedfromthedeadinthiswildcitytonight,’shesaid.‘That’sforsure.’
‘Terriblebusiness,’Scorpioadded,joiningus.
‘Poorlittlething,’Geminisaid.‘We’vekepthersuiteopen,attheMahesh.It’salwaysthere,ifshewantsit.’
‘Justkeepthisplacetoyourselves,’Isaid.‘Johnnyandtheothersaretakingarisk.Don’tletanyoneknowaboutDiva.Arewegood?’
‘Goodasgold,mate,’Geminireplied.
‘Yes…’Scorpiohedged.‘Unless…’
‘Unless?’
‘Unlesssomeoneisforcingmetotell.’
‘What’sthatsupposedtomean?’
‘Well,supposesomebodystartedhittingme,togetmetotell,thenIwouldtell.So,Icanonlypromiseconfidentialityuptothepointofphysicalharm.’
IlookedatGemini.
‘It’soneofScorpio’srules,’heshrugged.
‘Andagoodone,’Scorpioadded.‘Ifeveryoneintheworldspilledtheirgutsatthefirstsignofviolence,there’dbenotortureanymore.’
‘SnitchWorld,’Karlasaid.‘Ithinkyou’reontosomething,Scorp.’
Amancamethroughthelanestowardus,wheelingabicycleladenwithparcels.
‘Ah!’Didiercried.‘Thereliefsupplies!’
Themanunloadedaspongemattress,asuitcase,afoldingcardtable,fourfoldingcanvasstoolsandtwosacksofboozefromthebicycle.Ilookedatthebooze.
‘ItisforDiva,’Didiersaid,catchingmyeyeashewascountingthebottles.‘Thegirlwillneedtogetverydrunktonight,ifonnoothernightinherlife.’
‘Alcoholisn’ttheanswertoeverything,Didier.’
Divacameoutoftheshadowssuddenly.
‘Ineedtogetverydrunk,’shesaid.
DidierstaredhisToldyousoatme.
‘Willyou…’Divasaid,‘mystrangenewfriends,becausenoneofyouaremyactualfriends,andmyactualfriendsaren’there,andImayneverseethemagain,likemyfather,willyouhelpmetogetverydrunk,andcleanmeupwhenIgetsick,andputmetobedsafely,whenIdon’tknowwhat’sgoingonanymore?’
Therewasapause.
‘Ofcourse!’Didiersaid.‘Comehere,sweetinjuredchild.ComeheretoDidier,andweshallcryintoeverybody’sbeertogether,andspitintotheeyesofFate.’
Shedidcry,ofcourse.Sheranted,wavedherarms,shouted,pacedthelittlehut,trippedonthepatchworkblankets,andcalledthegirlsintodancewithher.
Whentheululatingvoicesandhandclapmusicreachedapeak,shebegantofall.Naveencaughtherquicklyandcarriedhertothebedofblankets,herarmsfallingathersideslikebrokenwings.Sheslowlycurledherkneesintoherheart,andslept.
Sittingvigilinthenexthut,DidierplayedpokerwithNaveenandtheZodiacGeorges.Itwasn’taprettygametowatch:Scorpioneversawacrookedcard,DidierandGeminineverplayedhimastraightone,andNaveencouldn’ttakehismindfromthesleepinggirlinthehutnextdoor.
IlookedinonDiva.SeveraloftheneighbourgirlsweresleepinginthehuttokeepDivacompany.Onegirlofeighteen,namedAnju,wascuddlingthesocialite’sshouldersinsleep.AnothergirlhadherarmoverDiva’sbelly.Threegirlssnuggledinclosetothem.Somebody’slittlebrotherwassleepingagainsttheirfeet.
Itrimmedthewickonthekerosenelanterntokeepitalight,andlitamosquitocoilandasandalwoodincensestickfromtheflame.Isetthecoilandincenseonastandontopofthemetalcabinet,andpulledthelightplywooddoorshutonitsropehinges.
ThroughnarrowlanesofsleepingtrustIwalkedbacktotherocksandthesea,asblackasthesky.Istoodwatchingandlistening.InthatspotDivahadheard,andrealised,thatshe’dlosteverything.
WhenIstoodonthefrontwallofaprison,betweentheguntowers,Ifeltcalm.Alltheterrordrainedfromme,becauseIknewthatiftheguardsshotme,I’dfallontherightsideofthewall.
WhenIsliddownmyelectric-cordropetofreedomandstartedrunning,thecalmleftme,andtherealisationofwhatI’dlosthitmesohardthatIcouldn’tstopmyhandsfromshakingforweeks.
ButI’dchosenmyexile,andDivahadhersforcedonher.Anditwastoocruel:herfatherkilled,andeveryoneelse.Itwasthekindoftoo-cruelthatmakesasurvivorfall.Ihopedthattheyoungsocialite,hidingintherealworld,hadfriendswhowouldn’tletthathappen,whenshereturnedtotheunrealworld.
IheardasoundandturnedtoseeKarla,standingonarockyoutcropattheedgeoftheslum.She’dcometofindme.
Shewavedtome,andastraywavebrokehighagainsttherocksnearby.Whiterivuletsofwaterstreamedoverblackboulderstotheshore.AsecondwavegarlandedtherockswithsurfasIclimbedbacktowardthelight,andlove,onewetblackstoneatatime.
Ipausedwithheratthetop,andforawhilewewatchedtheseaspillingontheshoreofDiva’sgrief.
Wewalkedbackpasthutshummingandmurmuringsleep:fatherssleepingoutsidetoleavemoreroomforthefamilyinside,thesilvermoonbathingtheminsoftlight.
AndwetalkedsoftlywithDidier,theGeorgesandNaveeninthehutbesideDiva’s,allofuswantingtobeclose,incaseshewoke.
Diva’sBombaywouldneverbethesameagain:someofthepeopleshe’dknownbeforethetragedywouldbecometruefriends,andsomewouldbecomestrangersinpressparadise.Eitherway,whenshereturnedtoherdestiny,everythingwouldbechanged.NaveenwasaBombayboy,andmaybeheunderstoodthatinwayswecouldn’t.Butinourexilehearts,theIslandCitywashomeforallofus.Andwewaitedtogether,thatvigilantnight,untilthescarletdawnhelpedanewexilewake,andstruggletotheshore.PartNine
ChapterFifty-One
ThelullthatfollowedthestormofLisa’sdeathandthemassacreattheDevnaniestatelastedforlong,busy,peacefulweeks.Ilikedit.I’dseenenoughstormsforoneyear.
Divasettledintoherroleasaslumgirl,andtheslumsettledintoitsroleashosttoaDiva.Neitherofthemhadmuchchoice:thegirlsintheslumwerestar-struckoverDiva,sotheyformedapermanenthonourguard;andthekillersofDiva’sfatherhadn’tbeenidentified,soDivastayedinthesafestplaceinthecity.
Thenewspapersstillcarriedthestoryofthemassacre,andthemissingheiress.Acourt-appointedCEOadministeredthegroupofcompaniesownedbyDiva’sfather,workingwiththevariousboardsofdirectorsuntiltheheiresscouldbefound.
Thereweretwenty-fivethousandpeopleintheslum,andmostofthemknewwhoDivawas.Nobodycalledareporter,ortriedtoclaimthereward.Shewasundertheprotectionoftheslum,andinthatavalancheofhutsandshoulder-widthlanesshewasAanu,oneoftheirown.Shewassafefromthugswithgunsormagazinedeadlines.
TheGeorgesranasemi-permanentpartyandfullypermanentpokergamefromthetopflooroftheMaheshhotel.Celebritieswho’dclosedtheirwindowsattrafficsignals,whentheywerepoorfixturesofthecity,spentmoretimeinthepenthousepartiesthantheydidwiththeirtherapists.
Whenthedeputymayorbrokethebank,hedeclaredthegameamunicipalrecreation,exemptingitfromprosecutionundergamblinglaws.Whenthewardtaxcollectorwonasimilarpot,thepokergamewasregisteredasacharity.AndwhentheprettieststarletinBollywoodwonsixhandsinarow,cleaningouteveryoneexceptthebank,shemadethegamesohotthatoneBollywoodactorafteranothertried,andfailed,torestoremalepridebybeatingherrecord.
Forhispart,DidierappliedhimselftotheLostLoveBureauwithsurprisingdiligence.Heroseearly,somethingsoshockingthatIjumpedwithfrightthefirsttimeIsawhimbrightandactiveateightinthemorning.Didierhadalwayssaidthatanhourofsunlightadayisenoughforanyone,andthehourbeforesunsetwastheonlysunlightworthhaving.
ThemorningversionofthenightpersonIknewwasstrange,atfirst.Hewaspunctual.Heworked.Heeventoldjokes.
‘Youknow,’Naveensaid,afewweeksafterthebureauhadopenedforbusiness,‘I’msogladthatyouputDidierandmetogether.He’sahard-workingstiff,ifyou’llpardontheexpression.’
‘Maybe.Idon’tknow.’
‘You’rejustnostalgic.’
‘Itisn’tnostalgia,ifthefirstversionisbetter.Idon’twantDidiertogetcorporateonme.’
ThenewDidierdidgetcorporate,anddetectivedseriously,andbusinessatthebureauwasbrisk.HeputanadvertisementfortheLostLoveBureauinthebiggestdailynewspaper,oneofRanjit’snews-papers,offeringarewardforinformationonthewhereaboutsofRanjit,themissingownerofRanjitMedia,aLostLove.
Thenoticedidn’tbringanynewleads,butitgoteveryoneintowntalkingabouttheLostLoveBureau,anditbroughtmorethanadozenclients,eachoneclutchingafileofphotographsandpolicereportsonmissinglovedones.Andwhentwoofthemissingloveswerefoundinasmanyweeks,duetoDidier’sstreetconnectionsandNaveen’sdeductiveskills,thebureauattractedmoreclients,allofthemwillingtopaycashinadvance.
Karlawasright,ofcourse:amarketisaneed,servingitself.Lostloves,forgottenorabandonedbyoverstretchedpolicedepartments,areaconstantacheintheheart,nolessforthecopsthemselves,andaneedthatdemandstobeserved.Thebureaudidwell:lostloveswerefound,andreunitedwiththeheartsthatcouldn’tstopsearchingforthem.
VinsonandRannveigdroppedinatGeminiGeorge’spartiesfromtimetotime.Vinsonwashappy,butneverleftRannveig’ssideunlessshesenthimaway,ortoldhimtowaitsomewhere.
Thegirlwiththeice-in-a-blue-glasseyesseemedtohaveacceptedthedeathofherboyfriend.Shenevermentionedhimtomeagain.Butwhilethatghostmight’veslippedawayonariverofacceptance,someshadowremainedintheyoungface.Itwasasifeverychangingexpressionormovementofahandwascloudedbyirresolution.
Nevertheless,shelookedhealthyandwell.Andshe’dtakentodressingasKarladid,inathinsheathofsalwarkameezandtightcottonleggings.Itsuitedher,withherhairpulledbackintoahighponytail.Andwhenshesmiledhappilyandopenly,asshedidfromtimetotime,leavesofdoubtparted,andabrightskyofwhatshecouldbecomeshonethrough.
InthemysteriousabsenceofRanjit,theproprietor,KavitaSinghwaspromotedfrombannerjournalisttodeputyeditoroftheflagshipnewspaper.ThefactthatKarlahadadecidingproxyvoteinRanjitMediawasinfluential.ThefactthatKavita’scolumnswerethemostpopularinthecitywasdecisive.
WithintwoweeksunderKavita’screativehand,thenewspapertookanewturn,notleftorright,butstraightupintosomethingelse.Themoodwasupbeat.Bombaywasagreat,excitingplacetolive.Enoughofthiscomparingourselvestootherplacesshit,shewroteinherfirsteditorial.Openyoureyes,andseehowwonderfulthisgiganticsocialexperimentyou’relivinginis,andseehowmuchreallovekeepsitgoing.
Peoplelovedit.Sometimes,peopleborninaplaceneedtohavesomeonewakeitsbeautyforthem,andKavita’seditorialstartedafireineveryMumbaikar’sheart;afireofpridethatnoneofthemknewthey’dpreparedinsidethemselves,untilKavitalitit.Thenewspaper’scirculationincreasedbyninepercent.Kavitawasahit.
Karlalaughed,longandhappily,whenthecivicpridecampaignbecameatrendthattumbledintoacascadeofsocialactivitiesacrossthecity.Ididn’taskherwhy,andshedidn’ttellme.
Shemovedintotheroomsnexttomineandtransformedthem,duringaweekofdeletionsanddeliveries.Herthreerooms,alivingroom,abedroomandawardrobecorridorlikemine,becameaBedouintent.
Wavesofsky-blueandwhitemuslin,fixedfromthelightfittingsinthecentreofeachroom,hidtheceilings.Thelightswerestrippedawayandreplacedbyoldrailwaylanterns.
Shetookallthefurnitureoutoftherooms,exceptforthebed,andawritingtableinthelivingroom.Sheboughtthetablefromthemusicstoredownstairsandhadthelegssawnoff,sothatshecouldsitatitcross-leggedinthemiddleofthefloor.
Shecoveredeverylinoleuminchofthatfloor,eventhebathroom,withTurkishandIraniancarpets.Theywerelyingontopofoneanotherasifthey’dexhaustedthemselves,wrestlingforaplaceofprominenceatherfeet.
ThebalconythatlookedoutonMetroJunction,andconnectedwithmine,wasdrapedinredsilksaris,softeningthewhiteheatofdaytocoolingtroughsandstripesofcrimson.
Thereweren’tanysleepovers,butitwasokay.Itwasheaven,infact:thehappiestdaysI’dknownsinceI’dthrownmylifeinagutterofshame,nineyearsbefore.
Freedomandhappinessandjusticeandevenloveareallpartsofthesamewhole:peace,within.ThefirsttimeIputfearintosomeonetogetmoneyfordrugs,IcrossedalineI’ddrawnintheearthofmyownlife.ButtheshovelfellfrommyhandwhenKarlamovedintotheAmritsarhotel,andforawhileIstoppeddigginggravesofguilt.Weatebreakfast,lunchanddinnertogetheralmosteveryday.Wedidtheworkwehadtodoseparately,butgottogethereveryminutewecould.
Whenwewerefree,werodeallthewayaroundtheIslandCity.Whenshefeltlikeit,Karladrovehercar,withRandallhelpinghimselftoasodaintheback.Wesawacoupleofmovies,visitedfriends,andwenttoafewparties.
Butanynighttogether,everynighttogether,shewentbacktotheBedouintentalone,lockingallthoselocksI’dputonherdoor.
Shewasdrivingmecrazy,ofcourse,butinthebestpossibleway.Peopledifferinthingslikethis,Iknow,butformeitisn’thowlongyouwaitforsomethingthatcounts,it’sthequalityofthewait.AndhoursalonewithKarlaeverydaywasaqualitywait.
Sometimes,inallthatqualitywaiting,veryoccasionally,Ifoundmyselfthinkingaboutpunchinganewairventinthewallofmyroom.Andsometimes,beingonlyametreawayfromherbehindaconnectingwalleverynight,twistedtheguitarstringprettytight.Mindyou,therewasalwaystheblackmarket,towindthestringtighter.
Crimeisademon,Didieroncesaid,andadrenalineishisdrugofchoice.Everycrime,evenalittlecrimelikeblackmarketmoneychanging,comeswithameasureofadrenaline.Thepeopleyou’redoingbusinesswithareatleastalittledangerous,thecopsaremorethanalittledangerous,andeverycrimehasitsownspeciesofpredatorandprey.
BlackmarketmoneychangingwasallbutlegalinSouthBombayinthoseyears,operatingopenlyineverysecondColabacigaretteshop.SouthBombayhadtwohundredandtencigaretteshops,allofthemlicensedbytheMunicipalAuthorityandtheSanjayCompany.Iranfourteenofthem,boughtfromDidier,andsanctionedbySanjay.Itwasusuallyasafetrade,butcriminals,bydefinition,areviolentlyunpredictable.
InevertookKarlaonmyrounds.Ididoneroundbetweenbreakfastandlunch,anotherafterlunch,andalate-nightscoutoftheshopsbeforesleep.Itwasimportantforthebosstobeseen.
Runningacrimefranchiserequiresasophisticateddegreeofcooperation,usuallybought,andclearlydefinedrolesandrules.Iprovidedthefinessemoney.TheSanjayCompanydefinedtheroles,andenforcedtherules.
Buteverytraderchangingblackmoneyatthestreetlevelhashisownmeasureofpride.Rebellion,fromfrustrationorfear,isaconstantpossibility.ThedefectionofevenoneofmymoneychangerswouldbringswiftpunishmentfromSanjay,butitwouldalsocostmethefranchise.Makingsuchuprisingsimpossible,bykeepingtheshopkeepersbetweenfearandfriendship,wasmyjob.
Crimeisfeudal,andwhenyouunderstandthat,youactuallyunderstandquitealotofit.TheSanjayCompanywasthecastleonthehill,withamoatfullofcrocodilegangsters,andSanjaywasthefeudallord.Ifhewantedagirl,hetookher.Ifhewantedamandead,hekilledhim.
BecauseI’dpurchasedafranchiseinthebazaar,thatmademeakindofrobberbaron,andtheshopkeepersweretheserfs.TheyhadnorightsbutthosegrantedbytheCompany.
Crimeisamedievalmetropolisrunningparalleltotheshiningcity,completewithabsolutemonarchyandpublicexecutions.Andasarobberbaron,ridingfromserftoserfonmysteelpony,Ihadtherighttoassertmyauthority.
Thefirstskillinrunningacrimefranchiseisprojectinganairofunchallengeableentitlement.Ifyoudon’tbelieveityourself,no-oneelseonthestreetwill.They’retoosmart.Youhavetoownit,andownitinawaythatstopspeoplethinkingaboutchallengingyou.
InBombaythatinvolvesalotofyellingandtheoccasionalslap,usuallyovertrivialthings,untiltheairisclearandyourvoiceisthelastandtheloudest
Afterthat,it’samatterofobservation.Thisonechewspaan,thisonehatespaan,thisonelistenstoholysongsfromaspeakerintheshapeofKingKong.Thisguylikesboys,thisguylikesgirls,thisguylikesgirlstoomuch,thisguyisconfidentwhenhe’salone,andthisonecowersuntilhisconfederatesarrive,thisonedrinks,thinks,smokes,chokes,peeps,talks,walks,andthisoneistheonlyonewho’llstillbestandingtoetotoewithyou,tillthelastthrustoftheknife.
‘YouhearwhathappenedtoAbhijeet?’Francis,myRegalCirclemoneychangerasked,whenIpulledupbesidehim.
‘Yeah.’
Abhijeetwasastreetkid,hustlingtouristsonthestrip.He’dtriedtorunapoliceroadblocktoofastonastolenscooter.Hecrashedintoastonebridgesupport,andthebridgedidn’tgiveway.
‘Bloodylittleprick,’Francissaid,handingmethepick-upmoney.‘He’sannoyingmymindmore,nowthathe’sdead,thanhedidwhenhewasalive.Andwhenhewasalive,hewasthemostannoyingprickintheworld.’
‘He’sannoyingyousomuchthatyou’relight,Francis,’Isaid,checkingthemoneyhegaveme.
‘Whatlight,baba?’hesaid,raisinghisvoiceloudenoughfortheothertradersnearhimtohear.
Ilookedaroundatthefacesonthestreet.
‘Don’tdothis,Francis.’
‘I’mnotdoinganything,baba,’heshouted.‘Youareaccusingme,and–’
Igrabbedhimbythecollaranddraggedhimtowardanalley,afewstepsaway.
‘Myshop!’
‘Fucktheshop.’
Ishovedhimintothealley.
‘Let’sdoit,’Isaid.
‘Let’sdowhat?’
‘You’recheatingme,infrontofyourfriends.Nowwecanbehonest,alone.Where’sthemoney?’
‘Baba,you–’
Islappedhim.
‘Ididn’t–’
Islappedhimharder.
‘Inmyshirt,’hesaid.‘Yourmoneyisinsidemyshirt.’
Therewasalotofmoneyinsidehisshirt.Itookthemoneyhe’dskimmed,andlefttherest.
‘Idon’tcarewhereyougetyourmoney,Francis,solongasyoudon’tskimitfromme.Andyou’llnevermakeashowinfrontofyourfriendsagain.Youseethat,right?’
It’sanuglything,rawpower:uglyenoughtoscareawayscavengers.Andit’sanuglyjob,sometimes,keepingstreetcriminalsinline.Theyneedtoknowthatreactionwillalwaysbefastandviolent,andtheyneedtofearit.Iftheydon’t,theyallturnonyou,andthenthingsgetbloody.
IdidtheroundsuntilIhadenoughforeignmoneytoknockonthedooroftheblackmarketbankinBallardPier.
Blackbankersaren’tcriminals:they’recivilianswhocommitcrimes.Bystayingonthesafesideoftheline,theydon’triskrealprisontime.Theykeepalowprofile,whentheirwealthwouldbringthemintotheA-list,becausethemoney’smoreimportant.Andthey’rescrupulouslyapolitical:theyholdblackmoneyforanyparty,whetherinpowerornot.
TheSanjayCompanyusedtheblackbankatBallardPier,andsodidtheScorpions.Butalotofcopskepttheirlootthere,andsomeheavyhittersinthearmedservices,andthepoliticians,ofcourse.Therewasconstructionmoney,sugarbaronmoney,oilmoneyandslushfundmoney.Inonewayoranotheritwasthebestprotectedbankintown.
Thebankcaredforitscustomersinreturn.Wheneveroneofthemmessedup,thebankmadethemesssubside,forafee.Eachscandalwastaggedandbaggedandlockedinthevault.TherewasmoredirtintheblackbankatBallardPier,itwassaid,thanundeclaredgold.
Everyoneintownhadsomethingtogainfromthebank’sinvisiblehand,andeveryonehadsomethingtoloseifthehandbecameafist.Thebankwassoswollenwithsecretsandsecretmoneythatitwastoocrookedtofail.
Forsmallhustlerslikeme,givenaccesstoasmallsub-branchwindow,theblackbankwasaconvenientwaytohandinmyUSdollarsandothercurrencies,taketheequivalentinblackrupees,andletthebankforwardtheforeigncashtotheSouthBombaybuyers’syndicate.
Nobodybutpartnerswithtoomuchtoloseknewwhothebuyerswere.Somesaidthatawildbunchofmovieproducersandactorshadsetupthesyndicate.OnerumourinsistedthatitwasaBombaychapteroftheMasonicLodge.
Whoevertheywere,theyweresmart.Theycontrolledeightypercentoftheblackdollarsinthesouth,mademoreprofitthananyoneinthechain,andneverriskedanhourbehindbars.
Aftercosts,inmysmalloperation,Iclearedtwentythousandrupeesamonthfromthemoneychangeroperation.IfI’dstillbeenlivingintheslum,itwould’vemademeaking.Onthestreet,itwaspinmoney.
Oncecrimestartstopay,yousoonlearnthatthekeytosurvivalisn’tmakingmoney,it’skeepingit.Everyblackrupeeyoumakehasahundredhandsreachingouttotakeitaway.Andyoucan’tcallthecops,becausethecopsareoftentheonestakingitaway.
Andwhenthecashyoumakecomesinbundles,andyoudon’thaveanyburningdesiretospendit,becauseyou’rearainydaykindofaguy,fewdecisionsaremoreimportantthanwhereyoudecidetokeepit.
Thefirstruleisnottoputitallinoneplace.Ifthingsgetbad,andyou’vegottagivesomethingup,aplumpreserveisagoodidea.Ikeptsomeathomeasescapemoney.IleftsomewithTito,Didier’sman.Hegavemefriendratesoftwopercent.Hestillcalledittenpercent,butonlychargedmetwo.
‘Forgiveme,’hesaid,whenhemutteredtenpercentagain,outofhabit.‘Mymindisangrywithme.’
‘Listen,Tito,ifsomeonecomescalling,tellingyouthatI’mtiedupinacellarsomewhere,andbeingtortured,andusesthecode300Spartans,justgivehimthemoney,okay?’
‘Done,’hesaid.‘Fortenpercent.’ChapterFifty-Two
Everywomanofacertainageisautomaticallyanauntie,inIndia.Half-MoonAuntie,whoranablackbankinthefishmarket,wasmaybefiftyyearsold,andsovoluptuousinherseductivepowersthatnomancouldstaymorethantenminutesinhercompany,itwassaid,withoutproposingtoher.AndHalf-MoonAuntie,awidownotinmourning,dideverythinginherconsiderablerangeoftalentstomaketheminutesofanytransactionrollintodoubledigits.
Sofar,I’dalwaysbeenanine-minuteguywithHalf-MoonAuntie:dealdone,andouttathere.
‘Hi,Half-MoonAuntie,’Isaid,handingapaper-wrappedbundleofrupeestoherassistantclerk,sittingbehindafishcounter.‘Howareyou?’
Shekickedaplasticchairatme.Itslidtoastopatmyfeet.She’ddoneitbefore.Shediditeverytime,infact.
Decadesoffishoil,soakedintotheconcrete,madethesurfacealmostfrictionless.Itwashardtowalkaround.Itwashardtokeepstandingup,infact.Itwasasifthedeadfish,soakedintothestonearoundHalf-MoonAuntie’sropebed,wantedtomakeusfalldown.Andpeopledid,everyday.
Itookthechair,knowingthattherewasnosuchthingasafastget-awayfromHalf-MoonAuntie’sblackbank.
Iwassittingattheendofaverylongstainlesssteelcuttingtable.Itwasoneofseveralinthefishmarket,anareathesizeofafootballfieldunderwavesofslantedtinandclottedskylightcrests.
Workhadstoppedfortheday,andtheshoutinghadshrunkintoasilencethatwas,perhaps,likethegaspsoffish,drowninginourair,justaswedrownintheirs.
IcouldhearHalf-MoonAuntieswallowing.Icouldheartheclockonthewallticking.IcouldhearAuntie’sassistant,countingthemoneyslowly,carefully.
Itwasdark,buttheshadewashotterthanthesunnystreetoutside.Thesmellhadbeenstrongenoughtoclosemymouth,atfirst,butitbegantosettleintoalowhumoffishnotinthesea.
Someonestartedtorunahoseatthefarendofthemarket.Bloodandpiecesofdeadthingsfloatedpastinagutterchiselledintotheconcretefloor.
BesidethegutterwasHalf-MoonAuntie,standinginherslippers,herropebedcoveredbyahand-sewnquiltassilverasthefinsofamirrorfish.
‘So,Shantaram,’shesaid.‘Theysaythatawomanhasyourheart.’
‘That’strue,Half-MoonAuntie,’Ireplied.‘Howareyoudoing?’
Sheputherarmsouttohersides.Very,veryslowlysheloweredherselfontotheropebed,herarmsextendedathersides.Thenshedrippedherfeetoutoftheslippers,andherlegswentintoaction.
Ididn’tknowifitwasyogaorcontortionism,butHalf-MoonAuntie’slegswerepythons,searchingforsomethingtoconstrict.Theymovedleftandright,northandsouth,twirlingaboveherheadandextendingwideenoughtofordastream,beforesettlingunderneathheronthesilverquilt,theprehensilefeettuckedupagainstOlympianthighs.
Ittookaboutthirtyseconds.Ifithadbeenashow,Iwould’veapplauded.Butitwasn’tashow,andIwasn’tacustomer.
Shebegantorollhershoulders.
‘So,how’sbusiness,Half-MoonAuntie?’Itried.
Toolate.Sheleanedtowardmeslowly,archingherbacktofelinefluidity.Herbreastsfellintoview,halfamoontattooedoneachglobe,andshedidn’tstopuntilthemoonwasfull.
Herexceptionallylonghairfelltothebedaroundherfoldedknees,closingacurtainonthemoon,andspillingalmosttotheblood-stainedfloor.
Sheraisedhereyes,threateningmewithmysteriesandthingsweshouldn’tknow,thencurledherarmsbackwardsaroundheruntilherhandsclaspedherownneck,thefingerswrigglinglikeanemones,spawninginthelightofthatinvertedmoon.
No-onecansayshedidn’thavehercharm.ButIlikedher,morethanIlikedherfamousroutine.
Half-MoonAuntiewasalwaysarmed,whichisinvariablyinteresting,nomatterwhichwayyoulookatit.Shehadasmallautomaticpistol,presentedtoherbytheChiefCommissioner.Iwantedtoknowwhy.Iwantedtoknowthestory.Iknewthatshe’dfiredittwice,bothtimestosavesomeonebeingbulliedbythugsfromotherareasofthecity.
Shereadfortunesinpeople’shands,andmademoremoneyasasorceressthanshedidasafisherwomanandblackbankercombined.
Andshewonthegirls’wrestlingchampionshipinthefishermen’sslum,threeyearsinarow.Itwasagirls-onlyevent,strictlycordonedoffbyfacesofhusbandsandbrothersandfathers,theirbackstothegirlswhowrestledalone.No-oneevergottoseeitbutthegirlswhofoughtuntiltheyfoundachampion.
Iwantedtoknowabouttheevent.IwantedtoknowthestoryofhowtheCommissionergaveherthegun.WhatIdidn’twantwasagame,withaten-minutedeadline.
‘Awomanalwaysfindsaway,’shesaid,straighteningup,andglancingattheclock.‘Atleastonce,whenyouarewiththiswomanwhohastakenyourheart,youwillbethinkingofme,whileyoumakelovetoher.’
‘See,Half-MoonAuntie,you’rewrong.That’snotgonnahappen.’
‘Areyousosure?’sheasked,holdingmystare.
‘Completely.Withallduerespect,Half-MoonAuntie,mygirlfriendkicksyourass.You’realovelywoman,andallthat,butmygirlfriendisagoddess.Andifitcomestoanactualfight,she’dkickyourassthere,too.She’dbeatbothofustogether,withchange,andhaveusthankingherforit,aftershedidit.I’mcrazyabouther,Auntie.’
Sheheldmystareforacoupleofseconds,testingme,maybe,thenslappedherthighsandlaughed.IlikeditsomuchthatIlaughedwithher.
‘Allcorrect,’herassistantcalledout,puttingmybundleofrupeesinametalbin,lockingit,andloggingtheamountinhisledger.
‘You’renotthefirsttosaysuchwords,’Half-MoonAuntiesaid.‘Butnotmanydo.Afew.Mostofthembegfortheirfreeshow,andcreatelies,asreasonstoconsultwithme.’
‘Tobefairtothem,youputonagreatshow,Auntie.’
Shelaughed.
‘Thankyou,Shantaram.That’showthelegendofmypalm-readingskillsbegan.Anadulteroushusbandinventedit,sothathecouldholdmyhand,andwatchthephasesofthemoon.Someofthemsweatwithhowmuchtheyneedit.Evenpeopleyouknow.YourfriendDidiersitswithmeeveryweek.’
‘I’llbethedoes,’Ilaughed.‘Whydoyoudoit,Half-MoonAuntie?’
Isuddenlyrealisedthatthequestionmighthurther.
‘I’msorry,’Isaidquickly.‘Itwasawriter’squestion,so,youknow,probablyunforgivablyrude.’
Shelaughedagain.
‘Shantaram,youcanonlyaskthatquestion,whenyouhavethepowertodoit.So,whenyouhavethepowertodoit,askyourself.’
‘Mygirlfriendisgonnalovethatline.’
‘Bringherwithyou,nexttime,’shethreatened.
‘Whatifshecrossestenminutes,andproposestoyou?’
‘Ofcourseshewillproposetome,andsowillyou,oneday.’
‘Ithoughtwecoveredthat,’Ifrowned,notunderstanding.
‘Youwritestories,Shantaram,’shesmiled.‘Onedayyouwillwriteaboutme,andthatwillbeadeclarationoflove.Andthiswomanwhohasyourheartwillproposetome,outofhappylove,nothingmore.’
‘Isn’teverylovehappylove?’
‘No,’shelaughed.‘Thereisyourkindoflove.You,andthefewlikeyou,whohavebecomemydearestfriends.’
‘Idon’twantunhappinessinlove,’Isaid,frowning.‘Idon’twantunhappinessatall.’
‘I’mtalkingabouttherealthing,’shereplied.‘Therealthingisalwaysmorepainfulandmorerewardingthananythingless.’
‘That’s…veryconfusing,’Isaid.‘ButI’msogladwehadthistalk,Half-MoonAuntie.IfI’vebeenunwittinglyrude,andyou’renotgonnashootme,pleasegivemeabouttwominutes’headstart.It’lltakemethatlongtogettothedoor,onthissurface.’
‘Go,now,Shantaram,’shelaughed.‘YouareaVIPcustomer,fromthisday.MaytheGoddesskeepyourweaponssharp,andyourenemiesafraid.’
Islowlyskatedawayfromher,slidingandslippingmywayacrossslaughter’sflooruntilIreachedthegoldenarchofsunlightleadingtotheopenmarketbeyond.
WhileIscrapedmybootsdry,Ilookedbackather,doingyogaexercisesonthebed.
Onefootwasraisedhighandenclosedinherpalm,likeaflamerestinginthespaceaboveherhead.Half-MoonAuntie:businesswoman,gangsterandMistressofMinutes.Shewasright,Ithought.Karlaprobablywouldproposetoher.
Mythirdbank,myDidierreserve,wasthefloatingpokergamethatGeminiGeorgeranfromtheirpenthouseapartment.
Gamesthatturnoveralotofmoneyneedabanktofundthehouse.Thehousetakesapercentageofthegame,winorlose,butthehousealsoplays,becausethemarginyouwin,ifyouplaywell,isalwaysbiggerthanthevigpaidforrunningthegame.
Thebestwaytokeepahousebankableistohaveagooddealerwhoknowswhentofold,andanotherplayerinthegame,whoappearsindependentbutisactuallygivinghiswinningstothehouse.
Evenwithimprovedoddslikethat,it’salwayspossibleforsomegoldenchildtowalkinandbreakthebank.Ithappens.Sometimes,ithappensthreenightsinarow.
Butagoldenchildeventisrareenoughtomakeawell-rungamepayoff,fivenightsfromseven,andGeminiGeorgeknewhowtorunagame.
Iputmoneyintothebank,withDidierandGemini,andthethreeofusprimedthepumpforthepokergames.Mywinnings,onaweeklybasis,wereaboutequaltotheinterestIwould’veearnedonmymoneyinawell-runfund.
Geminihadgivenupcheating.Itwasamandatoryrequirement,mandatedbyDidierandme.Wehadtorunastraightgame,ortherewasnopoint.
AndGeminididit.Heplayedeverygameforthehouseasstraightasthebridgebetweenfearandanger.Hishonestyandskillwonhimalotofnewfriends,andwonalotofmoneyforus.
Geminineededthegame,becausehismillionairefriend,asitturnedout,wasstingywithadollar.ScorpiopaidallthebillsforthepenthousefloorattheMahesh,becauseitwastheonlyplaceinBombaythathefeltsafe,andhedidn’tfeelsafeenoughtoleavethecityandgosomewhereelse,wheremillionairesliveinsafety.
Buthescannedeveryreceiptandinvoiceforminuteeconomies,andfrequentlyfoundthem,scrapingpenniesfromaccountsmeasuredinthousands.
HerefusedtofundGemini’sparties.Geminitoldeveryonetobringtheirownstimulants,andthepartiesrolledon.Theywerecheaper,andgaudier,andmuchmorepopular.Thehotelbecameaplacewherefamouspeoplemetinfamouspeople,andeverybarandrestaurantwascrowded.
ScorpiorestrictedGeminitoalimitedexpenseaccountatthehotel,forfood,drink,andservices.Healsogavehimtwohundreddollarsincasheveryweek.
Geminimadetwohundreddollarsincasheveryhourwithus,inthegame,andplayedinatranceofelegantdexterity.Hewasconfident.Helostwithajokeoralinefromasong,andwonwithoutpride.
‘Ithoughtofsettin’upasupportgroup,asortofAA,forpeoplelikeme,whocan’tstopcheatin’,CardCheatsAnonymous,youknow,butthetroubleis,youwouldn’tbeabletotrustno-one.Notwhenitactuallycamedowntocards.KnowwhatImean?’
‘Comeon,Gemini.Acynicissomeoneangryathisownsoul,andyou’renocynic.’
Hesquintedonthethought.
‘Iloveyou,mate,’hesaid,smilingtohimself.
‘Loveyoutoo,brother.Andanyway,youdidit,man.Youcold-turkeyedcheatingatcards,andyou’replayingstraight,andbetterthanever.’
‘Tooksomedoin’,Itellya,’heshuddered.‘Iturnedtobooks,atfirst.IhitKeatsprettyhardandgotverysad-trippy,thenIgottotallyKerouaced,asoutofitasadrunkenchimpandsayin’thefirstthingthatcameintomeaddledmind.IstumbledintoFitzgerald,staggeredoutofHemingway,gottotallyDerondawithGeorgeEliot,stonedwithVirginiaWoolf,battywithDjunaBarnesandderangedwithDurrell,butthenIswitchedbacktomovies,andthreedaysofHumphreyBogarthadmerightasrain.’
‘Quiteasupportgroup,Gemini.’
‘Yeah.Nothin’likewritersandactorsforcompany,isthere,whenyou’reattheendofyourrope.’
‘Yougotthatright.I’mgladitworkedoutforyou.’
Helookedatme,liftingasideacurtainofreticence.
‘It’saniceview,fromtheothersideoftheline,Lin.IneverthoughtI’dsaythis,butitalmostfeelsgoodnottocheat.’
‘That’sthespirit.’
‘Youthinkso?Itfeelsdodgy,sometimes,beingstraight.KnowwhatImean?’
‘Sure,’Ilaughed.‘Keepitup.Youlookgreat.Anabundanceofchanceandascarcityofsunlightwearverywellonyou,cardchampion.How’sitgoing,withScorpio?’
‘I…’
‘Thatbad,huh?’
‘Hekeepstohimselfwaytoomuch,Lin.He’sallaloneinthepresidentialsuite,mostofthetime.I’mnotallowedin.’
‘Notallowedin?’
‘Nobodyis,exceptthestaff.Heeatsmostofhismealsinthere.Imean,ifhehadsomelovelypieceofwomanhoodintherewithhim,I’dbeguardin’thedoor.Buthedoesn’t,mate,andthetwoofus,Scorpioandme,wewereneveralone.’
‘Maybe,hejustneedsatime-out.’
‘Wespliteverything,sharedeverymouthfuloffood,downtocountin’outthepeanutsinapacketandsharin’everyoneof’em,evenandfair.Wearguedabouteverything,allthetime,butweneverateathingwithouttheotheronethere.Wehaven’tbrokebread,sotospeak,forthreedays.I’mworriedabouthim,Lin.’
‘Gemini,hashethoughtaboutleavingBombay?’
‘Ifhehas,hedoesn’ttalktomeaboutit.Why?’
‘He’snervous,beingrich.Heneedstomoveon,andheprobablywon’tmoveon,unlessyoumovehimon.’
‘Movehimwhere?’
‘Anywherethatmillionaireslive.Theytendtosticktogether,andtheyknowhowtolookafterthemselves.He’llbesafethere,andyou’llgetsomepeaceofmind.’
‘I’mhavingenoughtroublelivingwithonemillionaire.Icouldn’thandleawholesuburbofthem.’
‘ThentakehimtoNewZealand.Buyafarm,nearaforest.’
‘NewZealand?’
‘Beautifulcountry,beautifulpeople.Greatplacetovanishin.’
‘I’msoworried,Lin.Youknow,IactuallylostagamethatIshould’vewon,yesterday.’
‘Youplayedaboutthreehundredgames,yesterday.’
‘Yeah,butI’mafraidoflosin’mygrip,youknow?Ifeelsohelplesstohelphim,andIlovehim,mate.’
Ishould’veshutup.Icouldn’tknowwhatmysuggestionwouldbringtotheZodiacGeorges.IfIhadthreewishes,oneofthemwouldbetoknowwhentoshutup
‘Maybe,Idon’tknow,youshouldjustgethimoutside.Takehimforawalkaroundthehotel.It’dbejustlikeoldtimes,exceptwithbodyguards.Itmightshakehimawake.’
‘That’snotabadidea,’Geminisaidthoughtfully.‘Icouldtrickhimintoit.’
‘Orinvitehimintoit.’
‘No,I’llhavetotrickhimintoit,’hesaid.‘I’dhavetotrickhimintodrinkingwaterinthedesert,becausehe’dthinktheCIAputitthere.ButI’vegotaplan.’
‘Pleasedon’ttellme,’Isaid,leavingmybundleofcashforthepokergamebank,andheadingforthedoor.‘I’mallergictoplans.’
Ishould’veworried,formyfriends.Iknowthatnow.Likesomanypeopleinthecity,IthoughtthatScorpio’smoneysolvedalltheirproblems.Iwaswrong.Themoneywasamenace,asitoftenis,thatthreatenedtheirfriendship,andtheirlives.ChapterFifty-Three
IleftthehotelandrodetotheStarlightRestaurant,onChowpattyBeach.Therestaurantwasanillegalpop-uponasmall,appropriatedstretchofbeachnearthebeginningoftheseawall.
Ithadbeenrunningforthreemonths.Amoviestarandalocalentrepreneurhadtheideatocreatearestaurant,asagifttothecity,onaderelictsectionofpublicbeach,sotheycreatedaGoanfragment,completewithpalmtrees,thatchedtableumbrellasandsandforopentoes.
Thefoodwasexcellent,andtheservicewasefficientandfriendly.Butthefactthatitwascompletelyillegal,andlikelytocloseanytime,addedazestsospecialtotheflavourthatthecityofficialschargedwithclosingdowntheillegalstructurewaiteddays,foratable.
Thelocalentrepreneur,whoseeccentric,ephemeralgifttothecitycosthimalotofmoneythatheknewhe’dneverrecover,wasafriendofmine.Karlawaswaitingatatablehe’dreservedforme.
Shestoodup.Lightfromacandleonthetableliftedherface,asagentlehandmight’vedone.Shekissedme,andhuggedme.
Shewasdressedinaredcheongsam,splittothehipononeside.Herhairwaspulledupinashellofcurvesandwaves,heldinplacebyapoisondartfromablowgun,whichshe’dmodifiedwitharedjewelattheend.Shewaswearingredgloves.Shewasbeautiful,anditwasabeautifulnight,untilshesaidthenameConcannon.
‘Comeagain?’
‘Concannonwrotemealetter,’sherepeated,fourgreenqueensonme.
‘Andyoutellmethisnow?’
‘Theotherstuffwetalkedaboutwasmoreimportant.’
‘Iwanttoreadit,’Isaid.
Itwasthewrongapproach,butIwasangry.Concannongotmethatway.
‘No.’
‘No?’
‘No.’
‘Whynot?’
‘Iburnedit,’shesaid.‘CanwegosomewherewhereIcan’tblowcigarettesmokeonanybodybutyou?’
WerodetothetopofMalabarHillandaviewoftherestaurantwe’dleft,onthestripofcoastbelow.LightsinthecurveofMarineDrivegarlandedthebellyofthegreatocean,theMotherofall.
Sheblewcigarettesmokeonme,forawhile,andthenwenteasyonmewithtwogreenqueens.
‘What’sgoingon?’
‘Whatisn’tgoingon,Karla?’
Weweresittingonastonemonument,highenoughforaviewthroughtreestothesea.Anothercouplesatintheshadowsafewmetresaway,murmuringquietly.
Carsandmotorcyclespassedslowly,preparingthemselvesforthelong,curvingroadskirtingthecityzoo,andleadingsteeplytoKempsCornerjunction.Thesmelloflionsincagesfollowedthatroad,andthesoundoftheirgrievingroars.
Copspassedeverythirtyminutesorso.Someveryrichpeoplelivednearby.Alimousineslowedtoacreepasitpassedus.Thewindowswereblackedout.
ImovedgentlyagainstKarla,feelingherbody,herweight,readytopushherasideandreachforaknife.Thecarpassed,continuingondownLion-SorrowHill.
‘Whydidyouburntheletter?’
‘Ifyourbodygetsinfected,andit’smorethanyourimmunesystemcancopewith,youfightitoffwithantibiotics.Itwastoxic,soIburneditinanantibioticfire.Nowit’sgone.’
‘Butit’snot.It’sstillinsideyourmemory.Everythingisstillinsideyourmemory.Youdon’tforgetanything.Whatdidthelettersay?’
‘It’salreadyintwomemories,hisandmine,’shesaid.‘Whyshoulditbeinthree?’
Shedrewinaquickbreath.Iknewthatquickbreath.Itwasn’toxygen,itwasammunition.Shewasgettingangry,andreadytoletmehaveit.
‘Itconcernsbothofus,’Isaid,holdingupmyhands.‘Igetit,thataletter’saprivatething.Butthisisaboutanenemy.You’vegottaseethat.’
‘Hewroteit,hopingthatI’dshowittoyou.It’satrick.He’stauntingandtormentingyou,notme.’
‘ExactlywhyIwanttoknowwhathewrotetoyou.’
‘Exactlywhyyoushouldn’t.It’senoughthatItellyouitwasn’tnice,andthatyouneedtoknowwhathe’sdoing.I’dneverhideitfromyou,becauseyouneedtoknow,butIdon’twantyoutoreadit.You’vegottaseethat.’
Ididn’tseeit,andIdidn’tlikeit.Forallweknew,ConcannonhadahandinLisa’sdeath.He’dtriedtocrackmyskull.Ididn’tfeelbetrayed.Ijustfeltleftout.She’dleftmeoutofonetoomanyofhergamesandschemes.
Werodehome,andkissedgoodnight.Itwasn’tgood.Icouldn’tfakeit.Iwasunhappyanddisappointed.Ialmostmadeitintomyroom,beforeshestoppedme.
‘Spitthelongfaceout,’shesaid.‘What’sthematter?’
ShewasstandingintheentrancetotheBedouintent.Iwasstandingintheentrancetomymonk’scell:theroomofanex-convict,readytoleaveinamotorcyclekick.
‘Concannon’sletter,’Isaid.‘Ithinkyoushould’veshownittome.Likethis,itfeelslikeaweirdsecretthatIdon’twantyoutokeep.’
‘A…secret?’shesaid,lookingmeupanddown,andtiltingherhead.‘Youknow,I’vegotaprettybusyscheduletomorrow.’
‘Uh-huh?’
‘And…thedayaftertomorrow.’
‘And–’
‘Then,too.’
‘Waitaminute,’Isaid.‘Isn’titme,who’ssupposedtobeangry?’
‘You’renevertheonewho’ssupposedtobeangry.’
‘NotevenwhenI’mright?’
‘Especiallynotwhenyou’reright.Butyou’renotrightaboutthis.Andnowwe’rebothpissed.’
‘Youdon’thavetherighttobemadatme,Karla.Concannon’sinvolvedwithRanjitandLisa.Nothingabouthimshouldbesecret.’
‘Whydon’tweleaveitatthat,’shesaid.‘Beforewesaysomethingwe’llregret.I’llstayintouch.I’llslipanoteunderyourdoor,ifI’mfeelinglow.’
Sheshutthedoor,andlockedthelocks.
Iwenttomyroom,butAbdullahknockedonmydooraminutelater,disturbingmyangrypacing.Hetoldmetogetready,andmeethimonthestreet.
HewasparkednearmybikewithComancheandthreeothersfromtheCompany,allofthemonmotorcycles.IkickedmybiketolifeandfollowedAbdullahandtheotherssouthtowardFloraFountain,wherewestoppedtoallowawatertankertopassthroughanintersection,elephant-slow.
‘Youdon’twanttoknowwherewearegoing?’Abdullahaskedme.
‘No.I’mjusthappytoberidingwithyou,man.’
Hesmiled,andledusthroughColabatoSassoonDock,neartheentrancetotheNavybase.Weparkedinfrontofawide,shadedentrancegate,closedforthenight.
Abdullahsentakidtobuychai.Themensettledontheirbikes,eachwithadifferentviewofthestreet.
‘Fardeenwaskilled,’Abdullahsaid.
‘Innalillahiwainnailayhiraji’oon,’Isaid,speakingcalmwords,WecomefromGod,andtoGodwereturn,butfeelingshockedandhurt.
‘SubhanahuWaTa’aala,’Abdullahreplied.MayAllahforgivethebaddeedsofthereturningsoul,andacceptthegoodones.
‘Ameen,’Ianswered.
Fardeenwassopoliteandconsiderate,andsuchafairarbiterofothers’disputesthatweknewhimasthePolitician.Hewasabravefighter,andaloyalfriend.EveryonebutFardeenhadatleastoneenemywithinthebrotherhoodoftheSanjayCompany.Fardeenwastheonlymanweallloved.
IftheScorpionCompanyhadkilledFardeenasapaybackfortheburningoftheirhouse,they’dpickedtheonemaninSanjay’sgroupwhosedeathpuncturedeveryheartwithapoisonedsting.
‘WasittheScorpions?’Iasked.
TheothermenwithAbdullah,Comanche,Shah,RaviandTallTony,laughedagasp,anditwasabitterthing.
‘TheytookhimbetweenFloraFountainandChorBazaar,’Shahsaid,rubbinganangrytearawaywiththeheelofhishand.‘Hewasonhiswaythere,butneverarrived.WefoundhisbikeinByculla,parkedonthesideoftheroad.’
‘Theytookhimsomewhere,’TallTonycontinued,‘tiedhimup,torturedhim,tattooedtheoutlineofafuckin’scorpiononhischest,andstabbedhimthroughit.Prettysafetoconcludeitwasthem.’
TallTony,distinguishedbyhisheightfromtheotherAnthonyintheCompany,LittleTony,spatacurseonthegroundathisfeet.Thetattoowasacrueltwistoftheknife.FardeenwasaMuslim,andhefollowedatraditionamongsomeMuslims,forbiddingtattoos.MarkingFardeen’sbodyloweredthebar:theconflictwasn’tbetweenrivalgangs,butbetweenrivalreligions.
‘Holyshit,’Isaid.‘HowcanIhelp?’
Theylaughedagain,butitwastherealthing.
‘Weareheretohelpyou,Linbrother,’Abdullahsaid.
‘Helpme?’
Theylaughedagain.
‘What’sup,Abdullah?’
‘Thereisapriceonyourhead,Lin.’
‘It’salimitedoffer,’Comanchesaid.‘Onenightonly,twenty-fourhours.’
‘Startingwhen?’
‘Midnighttonighttomidnighttomorrownight,’Shahsaid.
‘Howmuch?’
‘Onelakh,’Ravisaid.‘Ahundredthousandrupees,dude.Thatmakesyoutheonlymanherewhoactuallyknowshismarketvalue.’
Itwasaboutsixthousanddollars,inthosedays:enoughtobuyapickuptruck,inAmerica,andenoughtopickupeverysneak-killerinthesouthernzone,inBombay.
IthoughtofseveralmenIknew,acoupleoffriends,infact,who’dhappilykillmefornothing,ifitoccurredtothem,justbecausetheylikedkillingpeople.
‘Thanks,guys,’Isaid.
‘Whatdoyouwanttodo?’Abdullahaskedme.
‘I’vegottastayawayfromKarla,’Isaid.‘Don’twantanycrossfire.’
‘Wise.Doyouneedanythingfromyourhome?’
DoIneedanything,forbeinghuntedtodeath?
Iworkedthestreet.Iwasalwaysready.Ihadgoodboots,goodjeans,cleanT-shirt,luckysleevelessvestwithinnerpockets,Americanmoney,Indianmoney,twoknivesatmyback,andamotorcyclethatneverletmedown.
Ididn’thaveagun,butIknewwheretofindone.
‘No,I’mgood,untiltheclockrunsdown.It’sgonnabeaninterestingnight.Thanksforthewarning.I’llseeyouintwenty-fourhours.Allahhafiz.’
Istraightenedmybikefromtheside-stand,andpreparedtokick-start.
‘Whoa,whoa!’TallTonysaid.
‘Wherethefuckyougoin’?’Raviasked.
‘Iknowaplace,’Isaid.
‘Aplace?’Abdullahfrowned.
‘Aplace,’Isaid.‘Allahhafiz.’
‘Whoa,whoa!’TallTonysaid.
‘Whatplace?’Raviasked.
‘There’saplaceIknowwithawayin,thateverybodyknows,andawayoutthatonlyIknow.’
‘Whatthefuck?’Comancheasked.
‘I’llgetmygun,’Isaid,‘somefruit,andacoupleofbeers,andretiretherefortwenty-four.I’llseeyouguyslater.I’mgood.’
‘Notgonnahappen,’Ravisaid,shakinghishead.
‘WeareforbiddenbySanjayfromhelpingyou,’Abdullahsaid.‘Butinatimeofcrisislikethis,withaCouncilmemberlikeFardeenkilled,manyyoungmenfromoutsidetheCompanyareridingthestreetswithCompanymen,patrollingthewholeboundaryofthesouthwithus.Comanchehasjoinedus,andheisretiredfromtheCompany.’
‘Damnright,’Ravisaid.
‘Thereisnothingtostopyouridingwithus,’Abdullahcontinued,‘whilewemakepatrols.Andnothingtostopyourestingwithus,forthenexttwenty-fourhours,asagestureofyoursupportfortheSanjayCompany.’
‘Andifyouchoosetodothat–’TallTonysaid.
‘–wecan’tstopyou,’Ravifinished.
‘So,come,Lin,andridetheboundaryofSouthBombaywithusforthenexttwenty-fourhours,’Abdullahsaid,clappingmeontheshoulder.‘Andofferusyourprotection,inthistimeofattacksontheCompany.’
Itwasaniceoffer,oneyouremember,butIdidn’tfeelrightacceptingit.
‘Andsupposeoneofyoutakesabulletforme?’Iasked.‘HowamIgonnafeelaboutthat?’
‘Supposeyoutakeabulletsavingoneofus?’Abdullahreplied,startinghisbike.‘Howwillyoufeelaboutthat?’
Theothersstartedtheirbikesandwerodeofftogether,settlingintoaslowspeedafterthebikeswerewarm,andcruisingthestreetsandboulevards,twoinfront,threebehind.
Menblockthingsout.Menaredrivenbyduty,andblockoutanythingthatstandsinthewayoftheirduty.
Therewasanewpriceonmyhead,andIhadnoideawhoputitthere,butIblockeditout,thinkingonlyofsurvival.MaybethefactthatIalreadyhadabountyonmyhead,offeredbymyowngovernment,madeiteasiertoblock,andgivemyselftotheboundaryridewithAbdullahandtheothers,patrollingforsurpriseattacksbyScorpionCompanykillers.
Itwasn’tthefirsttimeI’driddenapatrolinSouthBombay.Othergangshadtriedtotaketerritoryinthetourist-richpeninsula.We’driddenpatrolsthroughthenightinanticipationofattacks,whichsometimescame:attacksthatwould’vebeenworse,ifwehadn’tbeenabletorespondwithmobilepatrolsinlessthanthirtyseconds,anywhereinthesouth.
Twoteamsoffourmenpatrolledafour-hourshift,whichwasthepolitelimitforthemotorcycles.
Thedragon’smouthoftheIslandCityisroughlythesamesizeasManhattan.Wecruiseddozensofcircuitsinthosehours.Fortunately,SouthBombayisravinedwithtinywalkways,wideenoughformotorcycles.Theyprovidedanetworkofshortcutsthatshavedminutesoftraffic,andofferedendlesslysurprisingentriesandexitstomajorarterialroutes.
Thetimesthatwestoppedpatrollingandtalkedtopeoplewereasimportantasthetimeinthesaddle.Everyhelpfulwhisperisawaytostriketheenemy.Homegroundadvantageistheaceofspades,inturfwars.Attentiontodetailistheaceofhearts.Asupportivecommunitythatlikesandtrustsyouatleastasmuchastheylikeandtrustthepoliceistheroyalflush.
Infact,thecopsjoinedinwiththeSanjayCompany,afterFardeen’smurder,allowingalimitedamnestyforCompanymentocarryweapons.
TheScorpions,Didier’ssourcesassuredhim,weretryingtoforcetheirwayintothesouthwithacombinationofviolenceandreligiousnationalism.TheyfeltthatthecopsshouldsupporttheircontrolofSouthBombay,becausetheysawthemselvesaspatriots,andtheSanjayCompanyastraitors.
Thecopswereunderstrictorderstoreactswiftlyinmattersofreligioussentiment,whichwasaconvenientexcuseforLightningDilip.HejoinedwithSanjayCompanymen,whopaidhimwithmorethanpatrioticfervour,andsenthisjeeppatrolstohuntdownScorpionsfordisturbingcommunalharmony.
Itwasatensebusiness,duringthetruce,beingimmunefrompoliceaggression.Mostofuspreferredtheaggression.Youknowwhereyoustand,wheneveryone’splayingbythesamerules.Whenthecopsarethegoodguys,it’stimetothinkaboutanothergame.
Itwaseerie,stoppingatatrafficsignalandhavingapolicejeepdrawupalongside;havingthecopstrytosmile,andevenmakesmalltalk,whenyou’vebeenbeateninthebackofthesamejeep,bythesamecops.
Attheendofourpatrol,whenno-onehadheardorseenanythingunusual,westoppednearHajiAli’stomb,whereTardeometPedderRoad.
EverythingsouthofthatpointwasSanjayCompanyterritory,fromseatosea.Thetombofthesaintwasonneutralground,andgangstersfromalloverBombaycametotheshrinepeacefully,evengangsthatwereatwar.
Abdullahleftthebikeswithacontactatthenearbyservicestation,andledusonthelongwalkacrossthelandbridgefootpathtothesmallislandtombofthesaint.
We’dallperformedthegangsterritualbefore:alate-nightwalktothesaint’stomb,beforebattle.
HajiAli,thensimplyawealthyUzbekmerchantnamedAli,gaveupallhehadtothepoor,andwentonapilgrimagetoMecca.
Hetravelledalloftheworldthatatravellercouldreach.Itwasadifficultthingtodo,becauseitwasthefifteenthcentury,buthewenteverywhere,carryinghisbelongingsonhisback,andlearningeverythingthatcouldbeknown.
Amanofgoodtaste,hesettledinBombay,andwasrenownedinthecityandbeyondforhispiety.HediedwhileontheannualHaj.Thecoffincarryinghisbodywaslostatsea,butwashedup,miraculously,ontheshoresofBombay,wherehistombwasbuilt.
Onceaday,inhighseason,theseawashedthepathtoHajiAli’stombaway,leavingitinvisiblebelowthemenacingwater.Itwasasifthesaintsometimessaid,Please,enough,andwasreleasedfromtheworldofoursinsandsorrowsbyadrownedpath,lettinghimsleepinpeacetorestorehispowerasoneofthegreatprotectorsofthecity.
Onthatnight,thepathacrosstheseawasdryandalmostdeserted.Thewindwassharp,andcameinrufflingbursts.Wewalkedalone,sixgangsters,towardtheislandtomb,moonlightthrowinglongshadowsonamirrorofshallowtide.
Theroundedrocksbeneathusoneithersideofthewidepathwereexposed:blackwetthingsclingingtothepathforshelter,theirbacksbenttothesea.
Incense,burninginbunchesasthickasacamel’shoof,filledtheairwithfragrancesofdevotion.
Ididn’tfollowtheritualonthepathacrosstheseatotheislandshrine.Gangstersgoingtowarwalkedtowardtheshrinethinkingoftheharmthey’ddoneinthepast,prayedforforgivenessatthetomb,andwalkedawayfromtheshrinereadyforhell.Ididn’tdoit,thattime.
IthoughtofKarla,andhowangrywe’dbeenwhenwe’dsaidgoodnight.
Ididn’tthinkaboutwho’dtakenthecontractoutonme.Thelistofsuspectswaslong,andIcouldn’tshortenitbythinkingaboutit.Asitturnedout,Abdullahshorteneditforme,aswewalkedbackacrossthesea,onthestripofstonethatjoinedtheshore.
‘Youdidnotaskmewhotookoutthiscontractonyou.’
‘IthoughtI’dsurvivethetwenty-four,andthenfindout,’Ireplied.
‘Whydoyounotwanttoknownow?’
‘Because,whenIknow,I’llwanttodosomethingtohim.Anditwouldbebettertodosomethingtohimaftereverybodystopstryingtokillme.’
‘ItwastheIrishman.’
‘Concannon?’
‘Yes.’
Itwasmyturntolaugh,andabouttime.
‘Goodtoseeyoukeepingthosespiritsup,’Ravisaid,walkingapacebehinduswithShah,ComancheandTallTony.
‘No,’Ilaughed,‘it’snotfunnyatall,butit’sreally,reallyfunnyatthesametime.Iknowthisguy.IknowConcannon.It’shisversionofapracticaljoke.It’sagangsterjoke,toseeifIcanmakeitthrough.That’swhythecontractexpiresintwenty-fourhours.He’sfuckingwithme.’
Icouldn’texplainitmore,becauseIwaslaughingtoomuch,andthentheguysunderstood,allbutAbdullah,andtheylaughed.Everytimetheytriedtostraightenup,theyremindedthemselveshowmuchtheywishedthey’dthoughtofitfirst.Thentheystartedexchangingthenamesofparanoidfriendsthey’dlovetodoitto,andfellhelplessagain.
‘Ilovethisguy,’Ravisaid.‘I’vegottameethim.Imean,we’llkillhim,ofcourse,butI’vegottameethim,beforewedo.’
‘Me,too,’TallTonysaid.‘IsthistheguyAbdullahshotintheleg?’
‘Thesame.’
‘Twice,’Abdullahcorrected,‘inthesameleg.Andnow,youcanseethatmercyisavirtuebestreservedforthevirtuous,andnotforademon,likethisman.’
Theguyslaughedharder.Itwasagoodsign,inaway.Oneofourmenhadbeenmurdered,amanweallloved,andI’dbeenthreatenedwithmurder,butweweren’tsoafraidthatwecouldn’tlaugh.TheyoungstreetsoldierscomposedthemselvesunderAbdullah’ssterneye,andwecompletedthewalktotheshore.
ThewalktoHajiAli’stombbeforewarwasaninsulttothesaintwhosecoffinrodemiracle-wavesbacktotheIslandCity,blessingitforever,andweknewit.
Butwealsoknew,orwilledourselvestobelieve,thatsaintsforgivewhattheworldshuns.Andweweresureinthosemomentsofthewalk,despiteoursacrilege,thatheknewwelovedhim:theeternallypatientsaint,wholistenedtoourgangsterprayerashesleptonthesea.ChapterFifty-Four
Concannon’spracticaljokewasablessing,afterIsurvivedit,becauseitflushedassassin-mindedsnakesoutofthelonggrassofColaba’sunconformablejungle.AbdullahandDidiervisitedeverythugwho’daskedabouttherewardformylife,andslappedhimaroundincasetherewardwasofferedagain.
IhuntedConcannonacrossthecity,followingeveryslenderlead.Someofthesearchestookmetodistantsuburbs,onroughroads.Ispentalotoftimeinthesaddle,mostofitthinkingabouthim.ButtheIrishmanwasalwaysaghost,arumour,anechoofatauntinglaugh,andIfinallyhadtobesatisfied,forawhile,thatifhecouldn’tbefound,hewasn’tathreat.
Karlawasstillmad.Shefrozemeout,andwasinvisiblefordays.Itriedtostaymadather,butcouldn’tpullitoff.Ithoughtitwaswrongofhertowithholdtheletter,especiallyafterthewriterhadpaidtohavemekilled.Ifeltaggrieved,butImissedhertoomuch.Thosedayswespenttogether,connectedandhappy,weremostofthegoodIknew.
Youwannaknowasuresignthatyou’rewithyoursoulmate?aNigeriansmuggleroncetoldme.Youjustcan’tstaymadather.AmIright?
Hewasright,andhewaswrong:soulmatescanstaymad,forawhile,andKarlawasstillmad.ButatleasttheglacialdistancemeantthatIdidn’thavetotalkaboutConcannon’sjoke.Iknewshe’dheardaboutit.Iknewshe’dfinditfunny,andfindadozencleverwaystoteasemeaboutit.
MadameZhouwasstillatlarge.No-onehadseenorheardfromherinweeks.Thewordacidwasburningmymind,everytimeIthoughtofit.Ididn’twanttopesterKarla,andIdidn’tcarewhoshewantedtosee.ButIwantedtoknowthatshewassafe,untilshedecidedtohavebreakfastwithmeagain,soIkeptadiscreetwatchoverher,whenevertimeallowed.
ShespentalotofhertimewithKavitaSinghatthenewspaperoffice,andatLisa’sartgallery.Iknewwhereshewasatanytimeofthedayornight,butIcouldn’ttalktoher.Itwasdrivingmecrazy,andIgotalittleshort-tempered
Mymoneychangerswerethrowingbundlesofmoneyatme,insteadofpassingthemtome.Peoplestartedsuggestingangermanagementremedies,aftermythirdargumentinasmanydays.Theyrangedfromprostitutes,todrugs,togangfighting,andendedwithexplosions.
‘Blowingshitupisthesurestwaytogetawomanoutofyourmind,’afriendconfided.‘I’veblownuplotsofstuff.Peoplethinkit’sterrorists,butit’sjustme,gettingawomanoutofmymind.’
Ididn’twanttoexplodethings,butIwasstilltetchy,andlove-confused,soIconsultedaprofessional.
‘Youeverblowanythingupforlove?’Iaskedmybarber,Ahmed.
‘Recently?’Ahmedreplied.
Ahmed’sHouseofStylebarbershopwasoneofthelasttoresistmodernisationintoahairdressingsalon.Ithadthreeredleatherandchromiumchairs.Theywereman-chairs,endowedwithhypnoticpowers,andnoguyIknewcouldresistthemforlong.
Themirrorsyoufaced,whenyousatinthosechairs,werecoveredwithmugshotsofpreviousvictims,noneofthemhappy.Theywerecustomerswho’dagreedtohavetheirphotographposted,inexchangeforafreehaircut.Theywereupthereasawarningnottoaskfor,oraccept,afreehaircutattheHouseofStyle.
Ahmedhadadarksenseofhumour,whichissomethingyoudon’tsearchhardforinabarber,butAhmedwasablood-in-the-bonedemocrat,andweratedhimforthat.Hetoleratedeveryopinion,andabsolutefreedomofspeechwasguaranteedinhisbarbershop.ItwastheonlyplaceIknew,inthewholecity,whereMuslimscouldcallHindusfanatics,andHinduscouldcallMuslimsfanatics,andgetallthatstuffoutoftheirsystemswithoutriots.
Itwasaddictive.Itwasabigotrybazaar,andcustomersseizeditbythebiasedlapels.ItwasasthougheveryoneinAhmed’sHouseofStylewasontruthserum.Andallofitwasforgivenandforgottenbyeveryone,assoonasacustomerwalkedoutintothestreet.
AhmedshavedmewitharazorassharpasaCycleKiller’smoustache.Whenyouliveonthewrongsideofthelegaltracks,thenumberofpeopleyoutrusttoshaveyouwithastraightrazordwindlestonotmany.Ahmedwastrustworthy,becausehewassotruetohiscraftthathecouldn’tpossiblykillmewithastraightrazor.Itwasagainstthebarbers’code.
Ifhewantedtokillme,he’dhavetouseoneofhisguns,likethegunhe’dsoldmeafewmonthsbefore,whichwasinTito’svault.Safeinthelawsofhisguild,Iopenedmythroattohishonourandrelaxedinabsolutetrust,andgotmyselfshaved.
Hewrappedmyfreshlyskinnedfaceintowelshotenoughtoforceconfessions.Satisfiedthatthepunishmentfitthecrime,hewhippedoffthetowels,andremovedtheshroudwithabullfighter’sflourish.
Hebrushedmeoffskilfully,powderedmyneckwherehe’dshavedit,thenofferedmetheentirerangeofhisonlyaftershave,AmbrosiadeAhmed
Iwascalm.IwascossetedbyAhmed’sprofessionalism.Iwashealed,andfeelingserene.AndIwasjustrubbingmyfacedownwithAhmed’sambrosia,whenDandawalkedinthedoor,callingmeamotherfucker.
Danda:andmewithaftershave.
Ididn’tlethimfinishhistirade.Ididn’tcarewhathecalledme,orwhyhecalledmeit.Ididn’tcarewhathewanted,orwhyhewantedit.Igrabbedhisshirtandslappedacologne-wetpalmathisredear,andkeptonslappingituntilhebrokefreeandranaway,takingafairportionofmytestinesswithhim.
Iopenedthedoorofthebarbershop,andwavedgoodbye.
‘Allahhafiz,Ahmedbhai.’
‘Wait!’Ahmedsaid,comingtojoinmeatthedoor.
Heturnedupthecollarofmysleevelessdenimvest,andcurleditintoplace.
‘That’sbetter.’
IwalkedoutsideandmetGeminiGeorge,onthestep.Hegrabbedmebymycarefullyarrangedvest.
‘ThankGod,mate,’Geminisaid,coughing,pantingandfallingintoahug.‘I’vebeenlookingeverywhereforyou.’
‘How’dyoufindme?’
GeminiGeorgeknewitwasaprofessionalquestion.
‘Apimp,inFirstPastaLane.He’sbeenfollowingyouaround.Theysayyou’reactingtesty.He’sbeenbettingyouwon’tlastanothertwodays,withoutvisitingagirl.’
‘I’mfine,’Isaid.‘Ijustgotcured.’
‘Good,’hesaidnervously.
‘What’stheproblem?’
‘It’sScorpio,’herepliedquickly.‘He’sgonecrazy.You’vegottahelpme.’
‘Slowdown.Scorpiocan’tgocrazy.Scorpio’salreadycrazy.’
‘Way,waycrazierthanScorpiocrazy.TwilightZonecrazy.He’sfreakedout,man.’
‘Maybeweshouldtalkaboutthissomewhere.’
WesatintheMadrasCafé.Wehadidlisambar,followedbytworoundsofstrong,sweettea.Geminiwasastreetguy,eventhoughhisfriendwasamillionaire:heatefirst,andtalkedlater.
Whenhesippedathistea,washingdownthelastflavourofchilliandcoconut,hetoldmethestory.Itbegan,assomanystoriesinIndiado,withaparadeofsaints.
Thepreviousdaythere’dbeenaprocessionthroughthestreetstoveneratethememoryofalocalsaint,whohappenedtobealoverofhashish.Thestreetswerefilledwithdevoutholymen.Itwastheonlydayintheyearwhenthecopscouldn’tbustanyoneforsmoking,becausemostofthepeoplesmokingwereholymen.
ItwasafestivaldesignedfortheZodiacGeorges,andGeminihadusedittolureScorpiofromhiseagle’snestattheMahesh,andgetoutinthefreshair.Itwentwell,atfirst,Geminisaid.Scorpiofoundhisstreet-shufflewalkagain,rememberingtherhythmoftheroadasGeminiwalkedbesidehim.Heevengottalkative.Hebegantotellhisfourbodyguards,hiredfromthehotelbythehour,aboutthedoorwaysandalleywaystheypassed,andtheadventuresthatheandGeminihadexperiencedineachoneofthem.
Thentheyturnedacornerandfoundasadhu,aholyman,barringtheirpath.Hishandswereraised,oneholdingaknottedstaff,andtheotherstainedsacredred.
‘Whathappened?’Iaskedhim.
‘Isaid,Namaste,ji.Liketoswapdope?I’vegotsomeManali.’
‘Didhesmokewithyou?’
‘Hedidn’tgetachance.Beforehecouldreply,Scorpiotriedtostepaway,butthesadhustoppedhim.’
‘Whatdidhewant?’
‘Hesaid,Givemeathousanddollars.’
‘Howmuch?’
‘Athousanddollars.’
‘WhatdidScorpiosay?’
‘Hesaid,Areyoucrazy?’
‘Didhehaveathousanddollarsinhispocket?’
‘That’sexactlywhatthesadhuaskedhim,’Geminisaid.‘Doyouhaveathousanddollarsinyourpocket?’
‘Didhe?’
‘Hehadtwenty-fivethousandonhim,Lin.Heshowedittome,toexplainwhywehadtohavefoursecurityguardsfromthehotelwithus.’
‘WhatdidScorpiosay?’
‘Scorpio,youknow,hewasgettingangry,andhesaid,Nobodygivesathousanddollarstoacompletestranger.I’llgiveyouahundreddollars,butjustsoyouleavemealone.’
‘Notverypolite,’Isaid.‘Howdidthegurutakeit?’
‘Hewascalmandcool,youknow,guru-like,andhesaid,Ifyougavemeathousanddollars,wouldyouevennoticeitsabsencefromyourfortune?’
‘WhatdidScorpiosay?’
‘Hesaid,Thatisn’tthepoint.’
‘Andthesadhu?’
‘Hesaid,YourweaknessisgreedAndthatawakening,itself,isworthathousanddollars.I’llrememberthosewords,Lin,untilthedayIdie.’
‘Hehadapoint,’Isaid.
‘Thathedid,’Geminireplied,glancingatthedoorway,needingacigarette.‘Andhesmiled,ashesaidit.I’llneverforgetthatsmile.Itwasaspiritualpokerface,like.Anditmight’vebeenthatsmile,youknow,whatsetScorpiooff.Justthatsmile.’
‘Whathappened?’
‘Hetriedtopushpasttheholyman,andtheykindofstruggled.Thebodyguardsshoutedforhimtostop.Nextthing,theholymanfallsdown,andbangshisheadonthecornerofawall.Itwasabadcut.Therewasaflapofskinmissingfromhisforehead,abovetheeyebrow.Thebodyguardsrantohelphim.Iofferedhimmyhandkerchief,andtoldhimwehadtocallthehoteldoctor.’
Geministopped.Helookedatthestreet.Hewantedtobebackoutthere,inthetideoftrickandtalentthathadcarriedhimsosafely,forsolong.
‘We’llhaveacigaretteafterthestory,Gemini,’Isaid.‘Iknowyouonthestreet,man.Youwalkoutthatdoornow,you’llbegoneinsixtyseconds.Sochasetothecut,andtellmewhathappened.’
‘Don’tyoumeancuttothechase?’
‘Gemini.’
‘Theholymancursedhim,’Geminisaid,shivering.
Hewassuddenlyscared,andIdidn’tlikeit,becauseIlikedhim.
‘And?’
‘That’sit.’
There’snopatienceaspureasthepatiencewespendonlovedones,whomakethingsharderthantheyneedtobe.Igavehimapatientsmile.
‘What,exactly,happened?’
‘Theholymancursedhim.Hesaidthathisgreedwouldbecomehismurderweapon.Hesaidthatfromthedayhisbloodwasspilled,Scorpio’smoneywascursed,andwouldonlybringhimsorrowandregret.’
‘Whathappenedthen?’
‘Thebodyguardsbailedout,rightthereonthespot.’
‘AndScorpio?’
‘Heranaway.Ifoundhimatthehotel,later.’
‘Andtheholyman?’
‘Iwaitedwithhim.Itriedtogethimtocomeintothehotelwithme.Butthensomemoreholymencame,andhetoldmetorun,becausethey’dbesoangrythey’dkillme.So,Iran.Youknowhowdangerousholymenare.’
‘AndScorpiothinkshe’scursed?’
‘Hekindofiscursed,’Geminimoaned.‘Imean,thehotelstaffhaveleftourfloor.Theyallthinkhe’scursed,andtheywon’tservicehisroom.’
‘Howareyougettingon,atthehotel?’
‘Scorpiotalkedtothehotel,andhirednewpeople,today.TheycomefromLithuania,Ithink.Nicepeople.Can’tunderstandawordtheysay.HisnewbodyguardsareRussian.Can’tunderstandthemeither,andthey’respeakin’English,andall.He’slockedupinthepenthousesuiteagain,butImeanreallylockedup,thistime.’
‘Dropthepokergameforawhile,’Isaid.‘I’llsquareitwithDidier.Let’sfindthesadhu,andhavethecurselifted.’
Iwasthinkingthatthesadhuprobablywasn’tarichman.Iwasthinkingthatwecouldfindhim,askhimtoforgivethefoolwho’dtouchedhimwithoutrespect,andacceptasubstantialpaymenttoliftthecurse.
ThesadhusIknew,andIknewquiteafew,wouldaccepttheofferwithouthesitation.Itwould’veworked.Iwassure.Icouldn’tknowthenthatforGemini,myinnocent,lovingfriend,itwouldleadtoriverslongforbidden,forgoodreason.
‘Fantastic!Lin,you’reagenius.Thiscursethingisrippin’Scorpiotobits.Idon’tmindtellin’you,I’mnotcomfortablewithit,meself.Inmybook,youshouldstandasclearofaholyman’scurseasyoudofromahandgrenade.Iwasinthespiritualradiationzone,sotospeak,andI’dlikethisclearedup,asmuchasScorp.’
‘YoucouldaskNaveenAdairforhelp,’Isuggested,openingmysuggestingmouth.‘He’srunningtheLostLoveBureaufromtheAmritsar,intheroomsnexttome.’
‘Greatidea!I’llaskaround,atfirst,andhandittoNaveenifIcan’tfindhim.We’llhaveScorpiorightasraininnotime.’
‘Good,’Isaid.‘CanIofferyouaride?’
Helookedoutthroughtheopendoorwaytomybike,parkedil-legallyatthekerb
‘No,thanksallthesame,’hesmiled.‘Neverwasmuchofaoneformotorbikes.I’llscootbacktothehotelinataxi.Thanks,Lin.IknewI’dfeelbetter,ifItalkedtoyou.’
Irodethroughthesouthernboulevards,doingmyrounds,beingseen,andthinkingoftheZodiacGeorgesandhowhappythey’dbeen,beforeanelegantemissaryofFateinadarksuitmadeoneofthemrich.
LikeScorpio,Ididn’thavetostayinBombay.IknewsomepartsofAfricaprettywell,frommypassportsmugglingmissions.IhadcontactsinLagosandKinshasa.Theyalwayshadroomintheiroperationsforagoodpassportforger.
IhadfriendsinSingapore.They’dinvitedmetobethewhitefaceforanIndo-Chinesecurrencyring.Itwasgoodmoney,inasafecity,whereeveryoneleftyoualoneifyourespectedthelocalrules,anddidn’thurtanybody.
Ithoughtaboutit,often.Butsoonerorlater,Ilookedawayfromeveryoption.AndIcouldn’tdecideifitwasthecityorthewomanwhowouldn’tletmego.
Solemninthesaddle,IrodetotheAmritsarhotel,hopingthatKarlawasthere.Mytoutshadtippedmeoffthatshe’dlefttheartgalleryanhourbefore.Ihadapeacemakerpresentforher.
Somefriendswhoplayedinajazzbandhadtoldmetheywerebringingtheiracousticinstrumentsforajam,bythesea,ontheColabaBackBay.Itwasauniqueexperience:herfavouritegift.
‘Youjustmissedher,’Didiersaid,lookingupfromhiscluttereddesk.‘Shewashereforafewminutes,only.Shewasnotalone.ShewaswithTaj.’
‘WhothefuckisTaj?’
‘Atallartist,rathergoodlooking,withlongblackhair.HesculptedtheEnkiduthatstandsintheentrancetoJehangir,thismonth.He’sverytalented.’
‘Artists,’Isaid,rememberingthesculptor.
‘Indeed,’Didieragreed.‘Whydoweflocktomusiciansandpainters?’
‘It’ssexy,’Isaid.‘Paintersmakethemtaketheirclothesoff,andmusiciansmakethemcome.’
‘Artistpricks,’Didierhissed.
‘Indeed.Didshesaywhenshe’dbeback?’
‘Well…’
‘What?’
‘Well…’
‘Whydon’tIwanttoknowthis,Didier?’
‘Shesaid…thatshewillreturn…intwodays,Lin.AndIthinkshemeantit.Shetookhergun.Andthetallartist,Taj.’
Iwasquietforawhile,butImust’vebeengrindingmyteeth,ormyknuckles,becauseDidierstoodupandgavemeahug.
‘Nomatterwhathappens,Lin,thereisalwaysalcohol,’hesaid,holdingmyshouldersinhisstraightarms.‘Letusgetmajesticallydrunk.Doyouhaveapreferredplaceofabandon?’
‘Youknow,Didier,you’reright.Weshouldgoanyway.’
‘Go?’
‘ToseeAumAzaan,Raghav’sjazzband.They’replayingtonight.It’sanunofficialconcert,ontheBackBay.IwashopingKarlawouldcome.Butlet’sgoanyway,andhavesomefun.’
‘Youaresingingmysong,Lin,’Didieransweredgleefully.‘ButIwilltakeataxi,ifyoudon’tmind.’ChapterFifty-Five
Irodealonetomeethimatthejam,butasIcruisedpasttheColabapolicestationonmywaytoCuffeParade,IsawArshan,standinginthemiddleoftheroad.Hehadalong,serratedkitchenknifeinhishand.Hewasshouting.
Ipulledthebiketoastop,andwalkeduptostandbesidehim.Acrowdhadbeguntogather,buttheywereatasafedistance.Sofar,thecopshadn’tseenhim,orthey’dchosennottorespond.
‘Howareyou,Uncle?’Iasked,myhandclosetohis.
‘Thiscoward!’Arshanshouted.‘Hekickedmyboy,andnowFarzad’sinthehospital,withbloodonhisbrain!Comeoutandfightme!Doyouhearme,LightningDilip!’
‘Whoa,Arshan,takeiteasy,andkeepyourvoicedown.’
Nobodywins,fightingthecopsheadon.Ifyou’vegotenoughfireorfirepowertodrivesomecopsoff,theyalwayscomebackwithmorecops.Andifyoubeatthem,too,theycomebackwithmorecops,untilyou’realldead,orverylonggone.That’swhatitmeans,tohaveapoliceforce:you’veacceptedagroupofpeoplewhocan’taffordnottowin.
That’spartoftheunspokendealtheymakewithanycitythathiresthem:copsputtheirlivesonthelineeveryday,likeoutlaws,andtheycan’ttolerateadirectattackonthemselves.Copsandoutlawsbiteback,ifanythingbitesthem.It’sarule.Andcopsalwaysbitelast.
Softly,IturnedArshanawayfromthecentreoftheroad,andbackontothefootpathacrossthestreet.Islippedthekitchenknifefromhishand,andpassedittooneofthestreetboys.
Therewasataxistandaroundthecorner.ItumbledArshanintoacab,andtoldthedrivertowait.WhenI’dparkedmybikeinasafespot,IcalledouttoanotherstreetboytowatchoverheruntilIreturned.ArshanwassobbingwhenIreturnedtothecab.
Isatnexttothedriver,directinghimtothetriple-frontedmansionnearCuffeParade.Arshanwasstretchedoutonthebackseat,hisarmflungoverhisface.AsthetaxipulledawayIturnedtoseeLightningDilipstandingunderthearchofthepolicestationentrance,hisfistsonhiships.
Arshanstoppedthetaxibeforewereachedhishouse,sayingthathehadtotalktomeinprivate.ThechaishopwhereIsatwithConcannonafterthefightwiththeScorpionswasnearby.Wesatinashelteredspotbeneathablueplasticawningtiedbetweentrees.
Arshandrankafewbreathygulpsofhistea.
‘TellmeaboutFarzad.’
‘Hewashavingtheseheadaches.IwassoangryIcameuphereoncebefore,tochallengeDilip,butyoubroughtmehome.Theheadachesgotworse.Finally,weconvincedhimtohaveitchecked,andtheydiscoveredamassivebloodclot.Ithappened,theysay,whenhewaskickedinthehead.’
‘That’stough.I’msorry,Arshan.’
‘Whiletheyweretestinghim,hecollapsed.Theytookhimupstairstotheintensivecare,rightaway.He’sbeenthereeversince.Seventy-twohours,now,unresponsive.’
‘Unresponsive?’
‘He’sinacoma,Lin.’
‘Whereishe?’
‘Bhatiahospital.’
‘It’sagoodhospital,’Isaid.‘He’llbeokay.’
‘He’lldie,’Arshansaid.
‘Hewon’t.Youwon’tlethim.Buthe’llhavenothingtoliveforwhenhegetswell,ifLightningkillsyou.Promisemeyouwon’tdoanythinglikethatagain.’
‘I…Ican’t.’
‘Youcan.Andyoumust.Peoplearedependingonyou.’
‘Youdon’tunderstand,’hesaid.‘Ifoundit.’
‘Youfoundwhat?’
‘Ifoundthetreasure.’
Bellsrangsomewhere:peoplewereprayingatalocaltemple,andringingsmall,hand-heldbells.
‘Thetreasure?’
‘Yes.’
‘When?’
Hewasstaringathisownfeetinadaze,theemptychaiglassslippingthroughhisfingers.Icaughtitasitfell,andsetitontheground.
‘Twoweeksago.’
‘Thefamiliesmustbethrilled,evenatasadtimelikethis.’
‘Ihaven’ttoldthem.’
‘What?You’vegottatellthem.’
‘Atfirst,’hesaidquietly,talkingtohimself,‘Ididn’ttellanyonebecauseIdidn’twanttolosewhatwehad.Thesearchwas…somuchfun,yousee.Wewereallsohappy.Iknowthetreasurewillchangeus.Ithasto.Wewon’tbeabletostopit.So,Ikeptitasecret.’
Hefellsilent,dancingbackwardsthroughmemoriesofatreasureunfound.
‘Andnow?’
‘WhenFarzadgotsickandhewaslyinginthatbed,notrespondingtoakiss,IknewthatI’dkeptthesecretbecauseIwasgreedy.Inmyheartofhearts,thesecretwastoowonderfultoshare,anditgavemepleasure,forawhile,toknowthatitwasmine,alone.’
‘It’shuman,’Isaid.‘Andnowyoucanmakeupforit,likeamensch.’
‘Don’tyousee?Ididn’tmakeanyprotest,whenthatpolicemankickedFarzad,becauseIdidn’twantanythingtojeopardisethesearch.Isacrificedmyownson,forthetreasure.’
‘Youdidn’tkickyoursoninthehead,Arshan.AndLightningDiliphaskickedmeintheheadafewtimes,withoutabloodclot.Itwasbadluck,andbadtiming,andthat’snotyourfault.’
‘Iwas…soselfish.’
‘Well,nowyoucanbegenerous,andyoucanaffordtobringthebestdoctorsandspecialistsfromthewholeworldtoFarzad’sbed.Youcanmakehimwellwiththetreasure,Arshan.’
‘Doyoureallythinkso?’
‘Idon’tknow.Idon’tknowanything.ButIthinkyoushouldtry.Whateveryoudo,you’vegottatelltheothersthatyoufoundthetreasure.Everydayyouwaitbreaksastrandintheirtrust.Yougottadoitnow,Arshan,tonight.’
‘You’reright,’hesaid,straighteningup.‘You’reright.’
‘Let’sgetonethingstraight,beforeyoudo.Idon’twantanypartofthetreasure.Idon’twanttohearaboutit,everagain,ifthat’sokaywithyou.’
‘Whatareyousaying?’
‘I’msayingthatIdon’tneedit,anddon’twantit,anddon’twanttohearaboutit,everagain.Youseethat,right?’
‘You’reastrangeman,Lin,’hesaid.‘ButIlikeyou.’
Iwalkedhimtothedoorofhishouse.WecouldhearAnahita,ontheothersideofit.She’dworkedupagoodpestering,andlethimhaveitbeforesheopenedthedoor.
‘SevenloavesIbakedforFarzad’sprayers,’thecloseddoorshoutedatus,‘andyoucouldn’tgethomeontime!’
Whensheopenedmid-pesterandsawhisface,shecriedoutandpulledhimintoacuddle.
‘Whatisit?’shegasped.‘What’sthematter,mydarlinglove?’
‘Ihavesomethingtotellyou,sweetheart,’Arshansaid,leaningonher,ashewalkedthroughtheredcurtainsleadingtotheexcavateddome.‘Calleveryonetogether.’
‘Ofcourse,mydarling,’shesaid,supportinghimonhershoulderastheywalked.
‘I’msorryabouttheloaves,dearest,’Arshansaidabsently.
‘Neveryoumindaboutthat,mydarling.’
Iletmyselfout.Nobodynoticed.Iwasglad.
AsIstoodoutside,wavingdownataxitoretrievemybike,Iheardshoutsandscreamsandhappyululations,ringingfromthethree-familyhome.
Igotmybike,andpaidthekidwho’dwatcheditforme.Hegavethemoneyback,andchange,whichwasn’tagoodthing.
He’dbeenusingmybikeasaprop,whileIwasaway.HewasaZone-Drifter.Hisbingwastositonotherpeople’smotorcyclesandinotherpeople’scarstodobusiness.He’djustdoneadrugdeal,sittingonmybike,andhewassharingthetakewithme.WhenIwaswiththeSanjayCompany,itwouldn’thaveoccurredtohimtousemybikeforbusiness.Itwasinsubordinate,andheknewit.HewaswonderingifIknewitornot.
Igrabbedthecollarofhisshirt,andpushedthemoneyintohispocket.
‘Whatthefuckdoyouthinkyou’redoing,Sid,usingmybike?’
‘Thingsarebadonthestreet,justnow,Linbaba!AfghansinMohammedAliRoad,andScorpionsunderthebed.Amandoesn’tknowwheretodealhisdopeanymore.’
‘Apologise.’
‘I’msosorry,Linbaba.’
‘Nottome,tothemotorcycle.Youweresupposedtolookafterher.Apologise.’
Heleanedintowardthebike,bothhandspressedtogether,whileIheldhisshirt.Hewasaslipperyone,andwebothknewI’dhavetoridehimdownratherthanrunhimdown,ifheescaped.
Heputhispressedpalmstohisforehead.
‘I’msosorry,motorcycle-ji,formybadmanners,’hesaidfervently.‘Ipromisetorespectyou,infuture.’
Hereachedouttostrokeher,butIwouldn’tlethim.
‘That’senough.Don’tdoitagain.’
‘No,sir.’
‘AndtellalltheotherZone-Drifterstostayawayfromher.’
‘Yes,sir.’
IrodetothejamontheBackBayusingaroutethatdidn’tpassArshan’shome.Ididn’twanttothinkaboutthetreasure,oryoungFarzad,coma-roamingatthehospital.Iwasblue:blueenoughtoneedjazz.
IparkedbesideNaveen’sbike,nearthecrowdoffiftyorsixtyuniversitystudentssittingontheshore.Jazzwasraisingpeopletothesameexaltedhigh.Istoodontheedgeofthegroup,myhandsinmyjacketpockets.IwassurfingthesoundswiththoughtsofKarla,knowinghowmuchshewould’velovedit.
‘Musicianpricks,’Naveenmuttered,joiningme.
HewaslookingatDiva,whowassittinginadorationatthefeetofaverytalented,good-lookingguitarplayernamedRaghav.Hewasanicekid,andafriendofmine,butNaveenhadapoint.
‘Indeed.’
Divawasunrecognisabletoanyonebutherfriends,therichDivagirls,whowerewithDidier,sittingapartfromthemaingrouponthelawnsoftheBackBay.
Sheworenomake-up.Thebindionherforeheadwasaglassdiamond,herearringswerebrass,andherbraceletswereplastic.Herclothesandsandalscamefromaslumshop,reflectingthelatestfashionforslumgirls.
Itsuitedher,asitdidallthegirlsintheslum.ButthepresenceoftheDivagirls,fromthericherlife,worriedme.
‘Thegirlscamealong?’Iasked.
‘Icouldn’tkeepthemaway,’Naveensighed.‘Divasaysthey’resworntosecrecy.Ihadtoletherdothis.She’sbeenaprisonerintheslumfornearlytwoweeks,Lin.Sheneedsthis.’
‘Iguessyou’reright.Andthestudentsmightnotrecogniseher.She’sgottheslum-girlthingdownprettygood.’
‘Youshouldhearherswear,’Naveensaid.‘Iwanderedintoasessiontheotherday.Thegirlswereteachingherwhattosaywhenaguyhitsonyou.Itwasveryinstructive.Youwanttohearsomeofit?’
‘Ilivedthere,’Isaid.‘Iknowitstartswithlaudalasoon,andendswithsaalalukka.Please,God,don’tletDivaunloadwhatshe’slearnedonme.’
‘Amen.’
‘HavetheDivagirlsbeenintheslum?’
Helaughed,andIfrowned,becauseIwasaskingaboutthesecurityofJohnnyCigarandhisfamily,anditwasn’tfunnytome.
‘That’sfunny?’
‘Yeah,’helaughedagain.
‘Why?’
‘BecauseifDiva’sDivasevervisittheslum,I’vegotthisrunningbetwithDidier.’
‘Onceagain,youngdetective,Iwhyyou.Why?’
Hesighed,lettingoutsomeembarrassment.
‘Didierwastryingtogetthegirlstotheslum,andhaveaghoststorynight.Theywerereallyupforit,butmorescaredoftheslumthantheghosts.IsaidtoDidier,thedaytheygototheslum,I’llraceBeniciaaroundtheloop.’
Itwasasignificantboast.NaveenhadbeenpractisingafewstuntsandtrickswithColababikerboys,andhewasbecomingagoodrider,butracingBeniciawasanothermatter.
ShewasaSpanishgirlwho’dlivedinBombayforacoupleofyears.SheboughtRajasthanijewellery,andsoldittobuyersfromBarcelona.Shewasasinglegirlwhokepttoherself,andwasasignificantmysterybecauseofit.Buteveryoneknewthatwhensherodehervintage350ccbikearoundBombay,nobodybeatBenicia.
‘YouknowBenicia?’
‘Not…yet.’
‘Andyou’reseriousaboutthebet?’
‘Sure,’helaughed,butthensmartenedup.‘You’renotthinkingofbribingtheDivagirlsintotheslum,areyou?’
‘No-oneshouldgothere,’Isaid.‘Diva’sthereasaguestofJohnnyandhisfamily.Untilthepeoplewhokilledherfatherarecaught,no-oneshouldgotoseeher,incasetheyexposethosepeopletoharm.’
‘You’re…you’reright,ofcourse,’hesaidstiffly.‘Iwasn’tthinkingofthat.I’lltrytostoptheDivagirls,butDidiermight’vealreadypersuadedthem.I’msorry.’
‘It’salright,Naveen.AndiftheDivasdovisittheslum,andyougetBeniciatoraceyou,I’llputathousanddollarsonyou,kid,hereandnow.’
‘Youmeanit?’
Ifishedthemoneyfrommypocket,andhandeditacross.
‘Done,’Naveensaid,offeringhishand.
‘Done,’Isaid,shakingit.
‘How’sitgoingwithKarla?’Naveenasked.
‘Okay,’Isaid,maybeconvincingly.‘How’sitgoingwithDiva?’
‘I’mgoingnuts,’hereplied,veryconvincingly.
‘Doessheknow?’
‘DoessheknowI’mgoingnuts?’heasked,professionalconcerndarkeninghisface.
‘Thatyouloveher,’Isaid,lookingforthereaction.
Thekidwasgood.Helockedloveinthecageofaclenchedjaw,betrayingnothing,andlookedattheslum-girlDiva,clappingherhandsintimetothemusic.
Someofthestudentswanderedfromgrouptogroup,laughingandtalking.Otherssatinwhisperedintimacy.Therewassomehandholding,alittlecuddling,andtheoccasionalkiss.InBombay,inthoseyears,itwasaswildaskidscouldget.Itwasalsomoreinnocentthanyoucanreasonablyexpectsexuallyexcitedtwenty-year-oldstobe.
Itwasasweetthing,thegentlelovethosekidsshared,astheirenervatedmindsrecoveredfromthetaskofinheritingthecity,whilethemusicplayed,echoingsoftlyfromthetallapartmentbuildingsnearby,wheremanyofthemlived.
Theyweresonsanddaughtersofthefuture.Theyworehipclothes,passedjointsandbottlesofcheaprumaround,andplayedmusicnearthesea.Buttheyalsogotgoodgrades,anddidn’tgiveadamnthatthegroupincludedeveryfaith,andeverycaste.
TheywerealreadysomethingthathadneverexistedontheforeshoreoftheIslandCity,andwhentheirturncametorunthecompaniesandcouncils,they’dbenavigatingbydifferentstars.
Diva’stwofriendswereleaningintowardDidier,clutchingathiminhelplessgiggling.Theyweren’tlisteningtothemusic.EverysentenceDidierwhisperedmadethemshriekintohisshirtfront,tryingtostiflethesound.
Hesawme,andexcusedhimselffromtheirpout.
‘Whatkeptyou?’heasked,shakingmyhand.
Whatkeptme?
Arshan’ssuicideattackontheColabapolicestation,andafabledtreasure.
‘Tellyoulater.Howyoudoing?’
Didierdidn’thearme.Hewasmakingascandalousgesturetothegirls.
‘Howyoudoing,Didier?’
‘Ihavetwoverycharmingladiesoverhere,whowouldliketoknowyoubetterthantheyshould.’
Hewavedhishandasifpresentingamagictrick.Welookedatthegirls,sittingafewmetresaway.Theyweredoingsomethingwiththeirfaces.Itmight’vebeensmiling.Icouldn’tbesure.
Whateverhe’dtoldthemaboutmesentthemfromfeartofascination,itseemed.Theyraisedtheirhands,andmovedthem.Itmight’vebeenwaving,ortheymight’vebeenwardingmeoff.
Theywerescary-smilingagain,andIcouldn’tfigureitout.Guysneverunderstandwhatprettygirlsdowiththeirfaces.Theygotup,quiteathleticallyforsit-aroundgirls,andbegantoslow-walktowardus,theirbaretoesprowlingthroughthegrassinstep.Theyweren’tsit-aroundgirlsatall.
TheDivasweredancers:dancerswhodancedtogether,andpractised.Theyweregood.Thatpart,Iunderstood.Guysalwaysunderstandwhatprettygirlsdowiththeirhips.
‘Iftheyaskyouaboutthemanyoukilled,’Didiersaid,astheDivagirlsslow-steppedacrossthemoonlitgrass,‘I’lltakeitfromthere.’
‘Ihaven’tkilledanyone,Didier.’
‘Youhaven’t?’heasked,dubious.‘WhydoIalwaysthinkyouhave?’
‘Hi,’oneofthegirlssaid.
‘Hi,’thesecondgirlsaid.
‘I’msogladyougirlsarehere,’Isaid.‘You’vegottahangaround,untilmywifegetsbackfromchurch.’
‘Yourwife?’onegirlsaid.
‘Church?’theotherpeeped.
‘Yeah.She’sgotthekids.Fourunderfour.Sogladyou’regoodbabysitters.Thosekidsaredemons,andweneedabreak.’
‘Eeeuw!’
‘Aren’tyouthebabysitters?’Iaskedinnocently.‘Didiersaidyou’ddoMondays,WednesdaysandFridays,fortwentyrupeesanhour.’
‘Eeeuw!’theysaidastheyskippedawayinsteptositwithtwopretty,well-dressedboysplayingtabladrumswiththeband.
‘Now,lookwhatyou’vedone!’Didierprotested.
‘ThemanIkilled?’Icountered.‘You’lltakeitfromthere?’
‘Well,Lin,’hegrumbled,‘Didierisanartistofspin,everyoneacknowledgesthat,butlet’sfaceit,youdon’tgivememuchtoworkwith.Iusedalittlepoeticlicence.IfItellpeoplethetruth,onlyNaveenandIwillfindyouinteresting,andIamnotcompletelysureofNaveen.’
‘Whatisthis?ShitonShantaramWeek?Backup,Didier.I’vebeencrowdedallIcantakeforoneday.’
Hecouldn’treply,becausetherewasasuddenshout.
‘Itisafire,Ibelieve!’
Weturnedtoseeflames,risingfromaplaceonthecoast,notfaraway.
‘It’sthefishermen’scolony,’Naveensaid.
‘Theboatsareonfire,’Iagreed.
‘StaywithDiva!’NaveenshoutedtoDidier,asIranformybike.
‘Thegirlsaresafewithme,’heshoutedback,hisarmsaroundDiva’sDivas.‘Butplease,donotgetyourselveskilled!’ChapterFifty-Six
NaveenandIrodepastcrowdsstreamingfromthebigslumtothefireinthenextcove.Westoppedthebikesinthemiddleoftheroad,nexttotheconcretedivider.Fromtheroad,wecouldseethelongboatsburning.
Itwasdark,onthebeach,wherethefishermenlivedintheirshambleofhuts,butthecovefacedamainroadwithanintersectingstreet,andthelightsmadecoldpicturesoftheburning,onlytwentymetresaway.
Theboatswerealreadyblackened,shrivelledversionsofthesturdycraftthey’dbeen.Red-rimmedmouthsofglowingcoalsstillburnedontheirsides.
Theboatswerelost,butthefirehadn’tdestroyedthehouses,andpeoplewereworkingdesperatelytosavethem.
NaveenandItiedhandkerchiefsaroundourfaces,ranacrossthestreet,andjoinedthebucketbrigades.Ifilledaspacebetweentwowomen,takingabucketfromone,andpassingittotheother.Theywerefast,anditwasn’teasytokeepupwiththem.
Wecouldhearwomenandchildrenscreamingfromthebeach,cutoffbythefire.They’dsavedthemselvesandthechildreninshallowwaves.
Firemenranthroughtheflamesandsmoketohelpthem.Firemenranintotheburninghutstosavechildren.Firemencaughtfire,theirsleevesandtrousersburstingintoquickflamesfromoilandkerosenespillsamongthecrammedhuts.
Onerescueremergedfromtheswirlingsmokeclosetomewithachildinhisarms.Hisownhairwasburning,butheignoredit.Hepassedbesideme,butIcouldn’tbreakthebucket-chain,andcouldn’thelphim.
ThesmellofburntskinwentintomymindwhileIwaspassingbucketsofwaterandstayedthere,likeadeadhorsefoundinaprairieofmemory.
Istherealimittothenumberofhorriblethingsyoucansee,andex-perience,inanyonelife?Ofcourse,thereis:thelimitisone,andnone.
Thebucketsstopped.Everyonewaskneeling,orlookingatthesky.Itwasraining.Ihadn’tnoticed.
Iwasstillsmellingtheburntskin,andforsomereason,Iwasrememberingtheseveredhead,onthesideoftheroad,inSriLanka.Iwasstillinyesterday’sprairie.
Itpoured.Thefiressizzled.Firemenbrokedownthemostdangerousstructures,andcontainedthefire.Peopledanced.IfI’dbeeninabettermood,orifKarlahadbeenthere,I’dhavedancedwiththem.
Iwalkedbackalongthebeachandlookedup,beyondtheburntboats,tothewalloftreesatthefarendofthebeach.Greyfiguresbegantowalkoutofthesmokeandtheshadows.
Gregfigures,ghostsordemons,werecomingtowardusslowly.
Theinsidesoftheboatsweresaturatedwithahundredyearsoffishoil,andthesmokeallarounduswasblue-blackastheyburnedandsmouldered.
Themenwhostumbledthroughthatblackfogandraintowarduswerestainedwithit,becausethey’dlitthefires.Theyweregreywithashandsmokeanddustfromthetreeswherethey’dbeenhiding.
Rainwaterstripedtheirfaces,makingthemgreytigers,movingslowlythroughajungleofsmoke.IttookmeafewsecondstorealisethattheywereScorpions.
Hanuman,asidentifiableasaflagpole,andwalkingwithalimp,wasthelastmanoutoftheshadows.
Timereallydoesslowdown,sometimes,whenloveandfearcombinewithhistory,evenifit’sonlythehistoryofalittleplacelikethefishermen’scoveinColaba.Heartbeatsbecomehammers,andyoucanseeeverythingatonce.You’resomewhereelse,already:somewheredead,already.Andyou’reneversharper,nevermoreawareofeveryswirlofsmoke.
IsawtheScorpionscomingtowardus.Isawthepeople,stilldancingbehindme.Isawkids,dogs,andelderlypeoplesittingonthesand.Isawfiremen,standingamidthehuts,steamcomingofftheirburntuniforms.
TheScorpionswerestillaboutsixtymetresaway.Theywerecarryingknivesandhatchets.They’dstartedthefireasActOne,andwerecomingtoclosetheplay
Ipulledmyknivesfromtheirscabbardsandstartedjoggingtowardthem.Ididn’tknowwhatIwasdoing.Themostimportantthing,itseemedtomeatthatmoment,wastogivethepeoplebehindmetimetoreact,andrun.Iwasshouting.Iwasscreaming,Iguess.
BythethirdorfourthstepIstoppedthinking,andsomethinghappenedtothesound.Icouldn’thearanything.Wishes,wingswithoutbirds,passedthroughmelikespearsoflight.
IhadaknifeineachhandandIwasrunningthroughatunnel,numbedofnoise.Icouldn’tevenhearmyownbreathing.Itseemedtotakeforever,butIknewthatwhenIwasclose,itwouldbetoofast.
Therewassomebodyjoggingwithme.ItwasNaveen,buthewasn’trunningwithme,hewasgrabbingatmyvest,hewaspullingmetotheground.Ihitthesandsohardthattheworldreturned,andalltheshoutingandscreamingandsirenscameonatonce.Naveenwashalfontopofme,wherewefell.
Hewaspointingatsomething.Ilookedalonghisextendedarmandsawcops,alotofcops,runninghard,andfiringatwill.Scorpionsfell,orsurrendered.LightningDilipwasalreadykickingoneofthem.
NaveenandIwerestilllyingontheground.Hewassmilingandcryingandlaughing,allatthesametime.Hehadhishandonmyshoulder,thegripfierce.
Helovedmeafterthatnight,thatIndian-Irishman,andheneverletmedoubtit.Sometimes,thebravestthingweeverdoisthethingwenevergettodo.Andsometimesthesparkthatignitesabrother’slove,inmennotbornbrothers,isnothingmorethanapureintention.
WerodecirclesaroundtheareaofthecoveuntilAbdullah,AhmedandTallTonyarrived.IgaveAbdullahwhatIknew,andthenweheadedbacktothejazzjam,ontheBackBay.
Thebandhadleft,andtherewereonlyafewkidsstillthere.TheytoldusthatDidier,afavouritewiththesmokers,hadleftthemessagethathe’dgonebacktovisitsomeonenamedJohnnyCigar.
Divasatupquicklywhenwemadeourwaythroughtheslumtoherhut.
‘Whatareyoudoing,youidiot?’shedemanded.
‘I’mfine,’Isaid.
‘Notyou!’shesnapped.‘Theotheridiot.Whatdoyouthinkyou’redoing,fightingbloodyfires?Areyououtofyourtinymind?’
‘Youweresafe,withDidier,’Naveenprotested.‘Iwasonlygoneanhour.’
‘Andwhowaskeepingyousafe?’sheasked,advancingtopokehiminthechest.
Naveengrinnedhappily.
‘Whatareyousochirpyabout?’
‘Youcarewhathappenstome,’Naveensaid,wagginghisfingeratherdefiantnose.‘Youcareaboutme.’
‘OfcourseIcareaboutyou.Somefuckingdetective,youare.’
‘Wow,’Naveensaid.
‘That’sallyou’vegottosay?’
‘Wow.’
‘Ifyousaythatagain,I’llsmackyouwithapot,’Divasaid.‘Shutyourmouth,andkissmewithit.’
Theyalmostdid,buttherewasafierceclatterofpotsandpans,andaloudclamourofvoices.Somebodywascomingthroughtheslum,andmakingalotofnoiseaboutit.
NaveenputDivainSita’shands,readytomakeanescapethroughthebacklanesontheseacoast.JohnnyCigar,Didier,NaveenandIfacedtheonlypathleadingfromthemainpartoftheslum.
Weheardavoiceraisedabovealltheothers,shoutinginEnglish.ItwasKavitaSingh.WhenshecameintotheopenspaceinfrontofDiva’shut,wesawthatshewassmiling,andanhonourguardofwomenwascheeringher.DivareturnedwithSitatogreether.
‘Justforyou,’Kavitasaid,handingDivaanewspaper.‘Today’sfrontpage.It’llbeonthestandsinafewhours,butIthoughtyoushouldbethefirsttoseeit.’
Divareadtheleadarticle,lookedatthephotographsofherfather,handedthepapertome,andfellintoNaveen’sarms.
ThegangresponsibleforthemassacreattheDevnanimansionhadbeencaptured.They’dconfessedtothecrime,andwereinprison.ItwasanAfrican–Chinesecrimesyndicate,handlingmostofthepharmaceuticalpleasuresflowingillegallythroughBombaytoLagos.
Smashingthegangandsolvingthemurderswasatriumph,thecopssaid,involvingofficersfromseveralcountries.ThetemporaryCEOofDevnaniIndustries,RajeshJain,appealedonceagainforthemissingheiresstocomeforward,andclaimherinheritance.
ForDiva,thethreatwasgoneandshewasfreetoleavethekerosenelamps,andliveintheelectricworldagain.
‘Lin,’Didiersaid.‘CanIofferyouaflask?’
He’dbeentalkingandjokingwithKavita.HerexpressionsaidthatI’dinterruptedher,andittestedherpatience.
‘HowdidyouknowDivawashere,Kavita?’
‘YouandKarlaarepsychicallyconnected,’shesnarled,takingaswigfromDidier’sflask.‘Youtellme.’
‘What’sthatsupposedtomean?’
‘Whydon’tyoujustgohome,Lin,’shesaid.‘Youdohaveahome,don’tyou?’
Ididn’tknowwhatshewassoangryabout,andIdidn’tcare.
‘Bye,Kavita.’
Iwalkedouttothestreet,andhadjuststartedmybikewhenamotorcyclepulledupbesideme,andsomeonecalledmyname.ItwasRavi,theCompanystreetsoldierwho’driddenwithmeonthenightofthecontract.
‘Abdullahsentmetofindyou,’hesaid,remainingonhisbike,hishandsonthehighhandlebars.‘TheScorpionskilledAmir.AndFaridisdead.’
‘Peacebeuponthem,’Isaid.‘Whathappened?’
‘TheScorpionsdraggedAmiroutofhishouse,andkilledhiminthestreet.’
‘Oh,shit.’
‘Faridwentcrazy.Heshothiswayintothepolicecells.’
‘Whathappened?’
‘Thecopsran,andFaridkilledthreeScorpionswhowereinthecellsforthefire.Thatbigguy,Hanuman,hesavedVishnu.Hetooksixbullets,buthe’sgoneforgood,thebigman.Themoustacheguy,Danda,he’salsogone.’
‘WhathappenedtoFarid?’
‘Thecopscamebackwithalotofguns,andkilledFarid.Shothimsixtytimes,theysay.’
‘Y’Allah.’
‘Getthefuckoffthestreet,man.It’scowboysandIndiansoutthere,andI’mtooIndianforthisshit.’
Herodeawayquickly,alonedespatchcourierinamilitarisedzone.Hewasscared,andangry:alwaysabadcombinationinaman.
I’dneverseenRaviscared.Hewasoneofthecalmones,andeveryganghasthem.Butthelossofblunt-headedAmir,thefirsttodancewhenanymusicplayed,thefirsttostartpunchingwhentheactionstarted,andFaridtheFixer,thechampionboxer,bothfullSanjayCouncilmembers,scaredtheyounggangster.
Scorpionshadalreadydied.Companymenhaddied.Morewouldjointheminthedarkredfall.Raviwaslivinghislifeonenightatatime.Itwaswar.Itwasthefailureofeverything.
IrodebacktotheAmritsar.Ineededtosleep,andthenfindoutwhathadn’tgonecrazyonthestreet.Ineededtoknowhowmuchofmybusinesswasstillrunning,andhowmuchwasrunningaway.
Iparkedthebikeinthealleywaythatsplitthehotel.I’dparkedtheretoooften,Iguess,becauseIwasn’tpayingenoughattentionwhenIwipedthebikedownforthenight.
Istoodup,andMadameZhouwasthere,veryclosetome.Thetwinswerealsothere,oneoneithersideofher.
Thereweretwoothermen:shortandthinmen,withthekindofhungryintheireyesthatnothingcanfeed.Theyhadtheirhandsinthepocketsofthejackets.Theywereheracidthrowers.
‘Madame,’Isaid.‘Nooffence,butifyouracidthrowersstarttotaketheirhandsoutoftheirpockets,I’mgonnagocrazy.Andwhenit’sallover,Iwon’tbetheonlyonedeadorburned.’
Shelaughed.TobesurethatIknewshewaslaughing,perhaps,sheswitchedonalightbeneathherveil.Itwasabattery-poweredpartytube-light,curvedaroundhernecklikeanecklace,insideherblacklaceveil.
Theveilwassuspendedfromarigidmantilla,highoverherhead,madefromsomethingblackandshiny:deadspiders,wasmyguess.Thelaceveilmetablacktaffetadressthatbrushedtheground,hidingherfeet.
Shemust’vebeeninveryhighplatformshoes,becausethetinywomanwasalmosteyetoveilwithme.Thelightshonethroughthelace,illuminatingherfacefrombelow.
Ithinkitwasintendedtobeadevastatingrevelationofherfamousbeauty.Itwasn’t.Shewasstilllaughing.
‘Youknow,I’mtired,Madame,’Isaid.
‘Yourfriend,Vikram,diedtonight,’sherepliedquickly,turningoffthelight.
Igotit.Thelightwasn’tforturningon:itwasforturningoff.Inthesuddendarknessherfacewasashadow,breathing.
‘Vikram?’
‘Thecowboy,’shesaid.‘He’sdead.’
Istaredatherblack-spaceface,angry,andthinkingaboutheracidthrowers,andKarla.
‘Idon’tbelieveyou.’
‘Itistrue,’shesaid.
Shecockedherheadtothesidealittle,watchingmewithinvisibleeyes.
Iwaswatchingtheacidthrowers.I’dseentheirvictims.Iknewsomeofthem:peoplewithfacessmearedoffeature,astretchedmaskofskin,withholescutforthevanishednoseandmouthtobreathe,andnoeyesatall.
Theybeggedalongthestrip,communicatingthroughtouch.Thinkingaboutthemmademeangrier,whichwasgood,becauseIwasscared.
‘Howdoyouknowthat?’
‘Itisamatterofrecord,now,’shereplied.‘Itisapolicecase.Hecommittedsuicide.’
‘Itcan’tbe.’
‘Itcan,’shewhispered,‘anditis.Hetookaweek’ssupplyofheroin,andheinjectedhimselfwithit.Therewasasuicidenote.Ihaveacopy.Wouldyouliketoseeit?’
‘Youknow,Madame,I’veonlymetyoutwice,andIalreadywishIhadn’tmetyouthefirsttime.’
‘Igavehimthedrugs,’MadameZhousaid.
Oh,no,mymindpleaded.Please,no
‘CheapestmurderIevercommitted,’shesaid.‘IwishallthepeopleIhatewerejunkies.Itwouldmakelifesomucheasier.’
Shelaughed.Iwasbreathinghard.Itwasatoughjobkeepingaclosewatchonfourofthem:five,ifyoucountedthespideraboutthesizeofasmallwoman,namedMadameZhou.
Thearchedalleywaywasdark,andempty.Therewasno-oneonthestreets.
‘Hecheatedme,’shehissed,‘andaboutjewellery.No-onecheatsme.Especiallynotaboutjewellery.Thisisawarning,Shantaram.Stayawayfromher.’
‘Whydon’tyoucomeback,andtalktoKarlaaboutitinperson?I’dliketowatch.’
‘NotKarla,youfool,KavitaSingh.StayawayfromKavita.’
Idrewmyknives,slowly.Thetwinsslippedclubsfromtheirsleeves.Theacidthrowersshiftedontheballsoftheirfeet,readytothrow.
MadameZhouwasonlyalungeaway.Withtherightmomentum,Icouldpickherupandthrowherattheacidthrowers.Itwasaplan.Itwasaplanthatwasaheartbeatawayfromhappening.
‘Let’sdothis,’Isaid.‘Let’sgetthisoverwith.’
‘Nottonight,Shantaram,’shesaid,steppingaway.‘ButI’msurethat’snotthefirsttimeyou’veheardthosewords.’
Shebackedoffslowly,totteringonherplatforms,herdressdraggingacrosstheground,ataffetashadowscaringratsbackintotheirhollows.
Theacidthrowersscamperedaway.ThetwinsbackedoffinstepwithMadameZhou,scowlingatme.
She’dthreatenedKarla,andherattentionhadshiftedtoKavita.ShewasgonealongtimebeforeIstoppedwantingtofollowthem,andfinishit.Butenoughdead:enoughdead,foronenight.
Iwentbacktomyrooms,dranksomething,smokedthelasttinypieceofLisa’sheavenlydope,dancedtomusicforawhile,andthenopenedmyjournaltowrite.
FaridandAmir,gone.HanumanandDanda,gone.Boatsandhutsonthebeachburned.AndVikram,gone.Vikram,thelove-trainrider:Vikram,gone.
Changeisthebloodoftime.Theworldwaschanging,outoftime,andmovingbeneathmelikeawhale,soaringforair.Thechesspiecesweremovingthemselves.Nothingwasthesame,andIknewthatnothingwouldbebetter,forawhile.
Thenewlydeadareancestors,too.Werespectthechainoflifeandlovewhenwecelebratethelife,notmournthedeath.Weallknowthat,andweallsayit,whenlovedonesleave.
Buteventhoughweknowthatdeathisthetruth,andwesingstoriestoourselves,thepainoflossissomethingwecan’tdeny,exceptbywoundingtenderness.
It’sagoodthing,thecrying.Itisn’trational,anditcan’tbe.It’sapuritybeyondreason.It’stheessenceofwhatweare,andthemirrorofwhatwe’llbecome.Love.
IcriedforVikram.Iknewthathewasn’tmurdered,butreleased:asoul-prisoner,ontherunforever.ButstillIfilledtheemptywellwithdancing,andtears.
AndIranted,andIraved,andIwrotestrangethingsthatshouldbetrueinmyjournal.Myhandranbackandforthacrossthepageslikeananimalinacage.Whenmyeyesblurred,andtheblackwordsI’dwrittenseemedliketheblacklaceofMadameZhou’sveil,Isleptinawebofbaddreams:caught,andwaitingfordeathtocreeptowardme.PartTen
ChapterFifty-Seven
Sinisdisconnection,andnothingdisconnectsusfromoneanothermorecompletelythanthegreatsin,war.Thestruggleforcontrolofsoutherncrimecausedfriendstoturnononeanother,enemiestostrikewithoutwarningandthecopstopleadforpeace,becausethefeudwasruiningbusinessforeveryone.
TheScorpionsregroupedunderVishnu’sleadership,bringingtwentymorementoBombayfromthenorthernstateofUttarPradesh.Theywereexperiencedstreetfighters,withapatrioticgrudge,andwithinaweekoftheirarrivaltheytookFloraFountainandtheFortareafromtheSanjayCompany.
TheSanjayCompany,seeingtheirempireannexedpiecebypiece,reactedswiftlytothenortherninvasion:theykilledtheirleader,notahundredmetresfromhismansion.
Two-Hussein,thefirstsoldiertofightforKhaderbhaidecadesbefore,steppedoutinfrontofSanjay’scarasthecrimebosslefthismansion.HefiredhisgunsintothewindowsuntilSanjayandhistwoAfghanguardsweredead.
HerenamedtheCompanyafterhimself,asregicidesoftendo,andraisedtheboy-king,Tariq,toafullplaceontheCouncilofthenewHusseinCompany.Tariq’sfirstactasaCouncilmemberwastocallfordeath.Killthemall,theboywaswidelyreportedtohavesaid.Killthemall,andtakeeverythingtheyhave
ItbecamethenewmottooftheHusseinCompany–TakeEverythingTheyHave–whereonceithadbeenTruthandCourage
Sinpileduponsinuntilthegraveburdentorethelastgarmentoftolerance,andfrayedthreadsofhonourandfaithfloatedawayonwinterwinds,leavinghatrednaked,foralltosee.
Karlastartedtalkingtomeagain,butshewasmuchbusierthanbefore:toobusytosharemorethanonemealwithme,everyotherday.Vikram’ssuicidestruckherphysicallyforawhile,itseemedtome,butmaybeshewasjustshowingmewhatIwouldn’tfacemyself.
Shestoppedlaughingandsmiling.Foratime,shewastheKarlaI’dfirstmet:theKarlawhodidn’tsmile.Andtherewerenosleepovers.
Itwasanendurancetestdesignedforreleasedconvicts,ormusicians.Iwaswalkingthroughwebsoftestosteroneandadrenalineandpheromones,disconnectedfromthewomanIlovedandcouldn’tmakeloveto,butspoketo,everyotherday.
AndIwasstilltesty.ButtestinesswasthenewnormalinSouthBombay,andnobodynoticed.
Themeasureofamanisthedistancebetweenhishumanself,minutetominute,andhisdevotedself.IwasdevotedtoKarla,butthedistancebetweenusleftthedevotedselfallalone,guardingacandleinthewind,whilethehumanselfwasoutside,roamingthestreet.
Asithappened,everystreetintownatthattimewasacarnivalforroamers.
FearisapovertyofTruth,andGreedisapovertyofFaith,Idrisssaidtomeonce.FearandgreedtookturnstoprowlthestreetsandslumsofSouthBombayforweeks:sixlongweeksoftension,pillage,profiteering,andbloodinalleyways.
Hashish,marijuana,uppers,downersandflat-linerswereallfivetimestheusualprice.Thesharpestcivilservantsdulyraisedthepriceofbribery,settingoffacascadeofcorruptionthatmadesmallfortunesforthem,anddoubledtheten-rupeebribethattrafficcopsdemandedatspeedtraps.Avaricemadepaywhilethemoonshone,andfearwastheonlyconstantfriendonthestreets.
Imetakidwho’djustbeenrecruitedbytheHusseinCompany,andlikedhim,andheardthathe’dbeenkilled,anhourlater.Andithappenedagain,toanotheryoungHusseinCompanyfighter,afewdaysafterthat,withjustafewhoursbetweenahandshakeandahandfulofdirt.
Ithurt,bothtimes,eventhoughithadnothingtodowithme.ItmademeuneasyeverytimeImetanewstreetsoldier,excitedbywar.
TheCycleKillersacceptedcontractsfromtheHusseinCompany,anddulyexecutedScorpionCompanymen.ScorpionsknockedHusseinmenfromtheirmotorcycles.Husseinmenfired-bombedaScorpionbar.
TheScorpionsrobbedabankinSouthBombayandgotawaywithit.TheHusseinCompanyknockedoveramoneytransportvaninScorpionterritory,inrevenge,andgotawaywithit.Bothgangsusedthemoneythey’dstolenintherobberiestobribeorthreatenthebankofficialsandsecurityguards.Withoutwitnesses,thecasesweredropped.
Everymanwithaguntosellwantedthreetimesthegoingprice.Menwhoneededagunsoldtheirwives’weddingjewellerytobuyone.Theageofhatchetsandknives,whichwaseyetoeye,passedawaywithinaseasonofthewintersun,replacedbyeye-for-an-eyeshootings.
Inastreetwar,anydarkcornercankillyou,anddarkcornerskilledpeopleattherateoffouraweekuntiltheviolencestopped.IpaidtwoofComanche’sbestyoungfighterstoshadowKarlafromadistance,andkeephersafeduringthoseweeks.Iwantedtodoitmyself,butshewouldn’tletme.
Assuddenlyasithadstarted,thewarforSouthBombayendedinaday,withatrucebetweentheHusseinCompanyandtheScorpionCompany,andasit-downbetweenHusseinandVishnu.Whatevertheysaidtooneanotherinprivate,thedeclarationtheymadewhentheylefttheroomwasn’tjustofpeace,butofbrotherhoodandintegration.
ThetwoCompaniesagreedtouniteasone.ThenameofthenewlyformedCompanywasanissue,becausesomeKhaderbhai-Sanjay-Husseinmensaidthatthey’dshootthemselvesbeforethey’dcallthemselvesScorpions.
Thenew,combinedmafiagangwasnamedtheVishnuCompany.Althoughhehadmoremen,VishnuhadmuchlessterritorythanHussein,anditwasdecidedthathavingtheCompanynamedafterhimwouldquellrebelliononthestreets,anddiscourageforaginginSouthBombay’sunrestbyoutsidegangs.
BothleaderspresidedatCouncilmeetings,andbothacknowledgedthepoweroftheother.PlacesontheCouncilwereappointedevenlybetweenmembersofformergangs,andthespoilsofpeaceweredistributedfairly.
Itwasacomplicatedbalancebetweenlimitedtrustandunlimitedhatred,andtohelpthecooperationalong,nephewsandniecesfromeithersideweresenttolivewiththeenemy,andconsolidatedthetrucewiththepulseintheirthroats.
Andwhenthosehostageswenttofamilieswhosetaskitwastocareforthemasiftheyweretheirown,andkillthemifthetrucefailed,sixweeksofwarendedinaday,andthestreetsweresafelyunlawfulagain.
Whenpeacewasreimposed,IpaidofftheyoungfightersfromComanche’sgym,who’dbeenguardingKarla.Theytookthemoney,buttoldmetheycouldn’tworkformeinfuture.
‘Whynot?’
‘BecauseKarlahiredustoworkforher,asfieldagentsfortheLostLoveBureau.’
‘Fieldagents?’
‘Yes,Linbaba.Prettycool,na?I’mafieldagent,investigatingmissingpersons.It’schainedandbrained,yaar.IwasthrowingdrunksoutofManny’sbar,afewweeksago.’
‘IlikeManny’sbar,’Iprotested.
‘I’mkeepingadiary,’hisfriendsaid.‘I’mgoingtowriteaBollywoodmovie.Casesweinvestigate,andstuff.MissKarla,she’sreef,man.She’stotallyreef.Seeyouround,Lin.Thanksforthebonus!’
‘Seeyouround.’
Irodetheboundaryofmyshopkeepermoneychangers,beingfriendlyandsupportivewhenIcould,andslap-nastywhenrequired.
Thetruceseemedtobeholding.IsawScorpionguysdrivingaroundwithHusseinguys,andmenfrombothgangswererunningthelottery,prostitutionanddrugracketssidebyside,brothersinharm.
ItookabreaktositonmymotorcycleandwatchthesunsetonMarineDrive.Acallofdrummerswasrehearsingonthewidefootpath.Itwasthelastweekofthefestivalseason,anddrummersalloverBombaywereperfectingtheirtechniquesfortheprocessionsandweddingsthathadhiredthem.
Kidsranfromtheirparents’handstodanceandjigglenexttothedrummers.Parentsstoodbehindthem,clappingtheirhandsandwaggingtheirheadsintimetotheinfalliblerhythm.Thechildrenjumpedlikecrickets,theirthinarmsandlegsjerkingandleaping.Withanaudience,thedrummerspushedthemselvestonear-hystericalintensity,sendingtheirheartbeatacrosstheseatothesettingsun.Iwatchedthemaseveningbecamenight,spillinginkonthewaves.
Whatarewedoing,Karla?Ithought.Whatareyoudoing?
IswungthebikearoundandheadedbacktoLeopold’s.IwashopingtocatchupwithKavitaSingh,andtellheraboutMadameZhou.IntheweekssinceMadameZhourosefromherwaveofshadowsbeneaththeAmritsarhotel,I’dtriedseveraltimestocontactKavita,butwithoutsuccess.Whenthecoldstaresofreceptionstaffatthenewspaperofficebecameawallofunavailability,Irealisedthatshewasavoidingme.Ididn’tknowwhyKavitawouldfeelthatway,orwhatI’ddonetooffendher,anddecidedtogiveFatetimetobringustogetheragain.ButMadameZhou’smentionofhernameworriedme,andIcouldn’tshakeoffthesenseofdutytotellheraboutit.ItwasfinallyoneofmystreetcontactswhomentionedthatKavitahadbeenhangingoutwithDidier,betweenthreeandfoureveryafternoonatLeopold’s.
DidierhadbecomesomethingofalostloveatLeopold’shimself,andhisfrequentabsenceswoundedthestaff.Theyexpressedtheirdisapprovalbybeingscrupulouslypolitewhenevertheyservedhim,becausenothingirritatedhimmore.
Hetriedinsultingthem,tojoltthemoutoftheirinsupportablecivility.Hegaveithisbestshot,callingupafewinsultshe’dalwayskeptinreserveforemergencies.Buttheywouldn’trelent,andtheircruelcourtesypushedasmallthornintohischestwitheveryputridplease,andunforgivablethankyou
‘Lin,’hesaid,sittingwithKavitaSinghathiscustomarytable.‘Whatisyourfavouritecrime?’
‘Thatagain?’Isaid.
IbenttokissKavitaonthecheekbutsheraisedherglasstoherlips,soIwavedhelloinstead.IshookDidier’shandasItookaplacebesidehim.
‘Yes,thatagain,’Kavitasaid,drinkinghalfherglass.
‘Ialreadytoldyou–mutiny.’
‘No,thisisthesecondround,’Didiersaid,smilingasecret.‘KavitaandIhavedecidedtoplayagame.Wewillaskeveryonetonominateasecondfavouritecrime,andthentestourtheoriesaboutthemagainstbothoftheiranswers.’
‘Youguyshavetheoriesaboutpeople?’
‘Comeon,Lin,’Kavitasmiled.‘Youcan’ttellmeyoudon’thaveatheoryaboutme.’
‘Actually,Idon’t.What’syourtheoryofme?’
‘Ah,’Didiergrinned.‘Thatwouldspoilthegame.First,youhavetonominateasecondfavouritecrime,andthenwecanconfirmourtheories.’
‘Okay,mysecondfavouritecrime?Resistingarrest.What’syoursecondfavourite,Kavita?’
‘Heresy,’shesaid.
‘Heresyisn’tacrime,inIndia,’Iobjected,smilingforhelpfromDidier.‘Isthatallowedintherulesofyourgame?’
‘Iamafraidso,Lin.Whateveranswerthatpeoplegivetothequestion,istheanswertheygive.’
‘Andyou,Didier?Perjurywasyourfirstfavourite,amIright?’
‘Indeedyouare,’herepliedhappily.‘Youshouldbeplayingthisgamewithus.’
‘Thanks,andnothanks,butI’dliketoknowyoursecondchoice.’
‘Adultery,’hesaid.
‘Why?’
‘Well,becauseitinvolvesloveandsex,ofcourse,’hereplied.‘But,also,becauseitistheonlycrimethateveryadulthumanbeingfullyunderstands.Morethanthat,becausewearenotpermittedtomarry,itisoneofthefewcrimesthatagaymancannotcommit.’
‘That’sbecauseadultery’sasin,notacrime.’
‘You’renotgoingallreligiousonusareyou,Lin,talkingaboutsin?’Kavitasneered.
‘No.I’musingthewordinalessspecificandmorewidelyhumansense.’
‘Canweknowanysins,butourown?’Kavitaasked,herjawsetinamuscularchallenge.
‘Heavy!’Didiersaid.‘Iloveit.Waiter!Anotherround!’
‘Ifpeopledon’tthinkthere’sanycollectiveunderstanding,inanythingatall,Iwishthemwell.Ifyouacceptacommonlanguage,youcantalkaboutsininameaningful,non-religiousway.That’sallImean.’
‘Thenwhatisit?’shedemanded.‘Whatissin?’
‘Sinisanythingthatwoundslove.’
‘Oh!’Didiercried.‘Iloveit,Lin!Comeon,Kavita,letthepantherprowl.Riposte,girl!’
Kavitasatbackinherchair.Shewasdressedinablackskirtandasleevelessblacktop,unzippedtonewmoon.Hershortblackhair,city-chicanywhereintheworld,fellinafeatheredfringeoverafacebareofmake-up,thirty-oneyearsold,andprettyenoughtosellanything.
‘Andwhatifyourwholelifeisasin?’Shesneered.‘Whatifeverybreathyoudrawwoundslove?’
‘Thegraceoflove,’Isaid,‘isthatitwashesawaysins.’
‘QuotingKarla,areyou?’Kavitaspatatme.‘Howfitting!’
Shewasangry,andIcouldn’tunderstandit.
‘Iam,’Isaid.‘She’squotable.’
‘I’llbetsheis,’shesaidbitterly.
Therewasanaggressiveedgetohervoiceandhertone.Ididn’tseeit,then,forwhatitwas.
I’dcometoLeopold’stowarnheraboutMadameZhou’snewobsessionwithher.Ihadn’tgivenanythoughttothegamethatsheandDidierwereplaying,becauseIwasjustwaitingforabreakintheconversationtotellherwhatIknew.IfI’dpaidcloserattention,Imight’vebeenpreparedforhernextremark.
‘Sin?Love?Howcanyouevensaythosewords,withoutbeingstruckdown?’
‘Whoa,Kavita,waitaminute.Whatdoyoumean?’
‘ImeanthatKarlawasneveroutofyourmind,notevenforaminute,whenyouwereinbedwithLisa.’
‘Wherethehellisthatcomingfrom?’
Didierhustledtoavertthestorm.
‘Naveen’ssecondfavouritecrimewasHarbouringafugitive.Itcompleteshisprofile.Wouldyouliketohearit?’
‘Shutup,Didier!’Kavitasnapped.
‘Kavita,’Isaid,‘ifyou’vegotsomethingtosay,spititout.’
‘I’dliketospititintoyourface,’shesaid,puttingdownherglass.
‘Goahead.’
‘Lisawasleavingyouforme,Lin,’Kavitasaid.‘She’dbeenwithRosanna,attheartgallery,forawhilebeforeme,tryingthingsout,butwe’dbeenloversformonths.Andifshe’dleftyousooner,tobewithme,she’dbealivetoday.’
Okay,Ithought,sonowweknow.TheironyofaccusingmeofthinkingaboutKarlawhileIwaswithLisa,whenshewaswithLisawhileLisawaswithme,wasobviouslylostonher.Jealousyhasnomirror,andresentmenthasatinearforthetruth.
‘Okay,Kavita,’Isaid,standingtoleave.‘IcameheretotellyouthatIranintoanunlicensedmaniactheothernight,namedMadameZhou,andshewarnedmetostayawayfromyou.Icanseethatwon’tbeaproblem.’
Iwalkedoutofthebar.
‘Lin,please!’Didiercalled.
Istartedthebikeandrodefrommymoneychangerstotheblackbank,andbackagain.Irodetomyprivatestashesoffunds.Hourspassed,andItalkedtoadozenpeople,butmythoughtscouldn’tleaveLisa.LovelyLisa.
Loveisalwaysalotus,nomatterwhereyoufindit.IfLisafoundloveorevenfunwithKavitaSingh,agirlI’dalwaysliked,I’dhavebeenhappyforher.
Werewesofarapart,shecouldn’ttellmethatshewasinvolvedwithKavita?
Lisawasalwayssurprising,andalwaysatleastalittleconfusing.ButI’drolledwiththekisses,andI’dalwayssupportedher,nomatterwhichdirectionherAquarianmindledher.Ithurttothinkthatwehadn’tbeencloseenough.IthurtmoretothinkthatKavitamightberight,andthatLisamightstillbealiveandhappy,ifshe’dleftmesoonerandmadealifewithKavita:ifI’dbeenmorehonest,maybe,andshe’dbeenmorewillingtotellthetruth.
Ithurtsomuch,infact,thatIwasgladwhenIreceivedamessagefromtheTuareg.Itobligedmetorideforgoodhoursinbadtraffictovisitoneofthecity’smostdangerousminds.ChapterFifty-Eight
TheTuaregwasaretiredspecialist,who’dworkedforyearsintheKhaderbhaiCompany.HewasafullCouncilmember,withavote,butwasneverpresentatCouncilmeetings,becausehewastheCompanytorturer.
Hisjobwastoensurecompliance,andextractinformation.ItwasajobthatalotofpeopleintheCompanywanteddone,andnobodybuttheTuaregwantedtodo.ButtheTuaregwasn’tatorturerbysadisticinclination:he’dsimplydiscoveredthathehadatalentforit.
He’dbeenapsychiatrist,oftheFreudianpersuasion,innorthernAfrica.Nobodyknewexactlywhere.HearrivedinBombay,andwenttoworkfortheKhaderbhaiCompany.Heusedhisskillsasapsychiatristtodiscoverhissubjects’deepestfears,andthenmagnifiedthosefearsuntilthesubjectscomplied.Hissuccessrate,hequietlyboasted,wasbetterthanFreudianpsychoanalysisalone.
Ihadn’tseenhimforyears;notsincehe’dretiredfromtorture,andmovedtoKhar.I’dheardthathewasoperatingalottery-racketfranchisefromachildren’stoystore.
Thenoteaskingmetovisithimmight’vetroubledme,onanyotherday:theTuaregwasatroublingman.Onthatday,Iwasgladtohavesomethingdisturbing,toclearmymind.
IheadednorthtowhatwasthentherelativelyremotesuburbofKhar.BombaywasgrowingsofastthatSouthBombay,whichhadbeenthecreativeheartofthecity,wasitselfbecomingaremotepulseoftheactionandactivitybeatinginthebiggerheart,thenorthernsuburbs.
Vacantlandwasalreadyclutteredwithnewhousingandcommercialdevelopments.Newfashionfactorieswerestartingup,designingfameonthedebrisofconstruction.Brashbrandstoresonmainroadscompetedwithbrashbrand-thievesinknock-offstreetstalls,reflectedinthebrightwindowsofthebrandstorestheycopied.
Irodepasthousesandshoppingcomplexesthatwerehalf-builtandalreadysold,asifhopeitselfhadfinallyfoundaprice.Andlonglinesofcrawlingtrafficstitchedthosepatchesofaspirationtoacresofambition:streetsofcarsthatranlikescarsonthefaceandforeheadofthethingwemadeoftheEarth.
TheTuareg’shousewaslargeandmodern:aMoroccanpalazzo.Thedarkmandressedinblack,whoopenedthefrontdoor,lookedlikeabeardedprofessor:ascholar,searchingabsent-mindedlyforthespectaclesproppedonhishead.
‘Salaamaleikum,Tuareg.’
‘Waaleikumsalaam,Shantaram,’hereplied,pullingatmysleevelessvest.‘Didyouhavetocomeonyourmotorcycle?Comeinside.You’rescaringmyneighbours.’
Heledmethroughhishouse,constructedwitharchwayseverywhere,asifthehomewasahive,andwewerethebees.
‘Ihopeyouunderstand–Ihavetorunyoupastmywife,first,toseeifsheapprovesofyoubeinghere.’
‘I…see.’
Wewalkedthroughseveralarchwaystoaspacewherethesecondfloorofthehousevanishedinahighceiling.
Therewasawomaninthecentreofthatroom,standingonaplatformthreestepshigh.Shewasdressedinaglitteringblackburkha,studdedwithblackjewels.Therewasanetoflacecoveringherface:hereyescouldexaminemine,butIcouldn’texaminehers.
Ididn’tknowifIwassupposedtosayanything.TheTuareghadsentamessage,andI’dresponded.Ihadnoideawhattoexpect,facingthewomancoveredinblackstars.
FromthetiltofherheadIsawthatshewaslookingmeupanddownacoupleoftimes.Idon’tthinkshelikedwhatshesaw.Herheadcockedtotheotherside,consideringthematter.
‘Onehour,’shesaid,herheadstillonthesideasshetwirledawaythroughanarchway,thatledtoanarchway,thatledtoanarchway.
TheTuaregledmethrougharchwaystoamajlisroom,withheavycarpetsonthefloorandsoftcushionsagainstthewalls.Youngmenfromhisfamilyserveduswithcoconutjuiceandbitterlimehummusdipwithasparagusspines,aswesattogetheronthefloor.
Bythetimewe’deatenthesnacks,theyoungmenwerereadywithhottea,servedfromalong-neckedsamovar.Wewashedourhandsinspoutsofwarm,tangerine-scentedwater,pouredbynephewsandcousins,andthensippedattheteathroughsugarcubes.
‘I’mhonouredbyyourhospitality,Tuareg,’Isaid,whenwewerealone,andsharingahookahpipeofTurkishtobacco,KeralagrassandHimalayanhashish.
‘Iamhonoured,’hesaid,‘thatyourespondedtomycall.’
Iknewwhathemeant:myquickresponsetohiscallwasn’tsomethinghecouldexpectfromanyoneelseintheCompany,orformerlyintheCompany.WhilehewasasecretmemberoftheCouncil,hewasdistantlyrespected:whenheretired,hewasshunned.
Ididn’tunderstandit.They’dallbenefitedfromhiswork,andcould’vepulledoutatanytime,buttheydidn’t.IworkedinpassportsfortheCompany,andtheTuareg’sserviceswereneverrequired.ButitwasthesameCompanythatprotectedmeforyears,inBombay,sowhowasItojudgeanyoneelse?
DidIlikewhathedid?No.Butwhatamandoesisn’talwayswhatamanis,andI’dlearnedthatthehardway.
‘Doyouknow,’heremarked,puffingcontentedly,‘youareoneofonlyfourmenwhoshookmyhand,inalltheyearsthatIworkedwiththeCompany.Doyouwanttoknowtheotherthree?’
‘Khaderbhai,MahmoudMelbaaf,andAbdullahTaheri,’Isuggested.
Helaughed.
‘Correct.Myfatherusedtosay,putaVikinginfrontasyougointobattle,andaPersianbehindyou.IftheVikingdoesn’twin,you’llneverdiealone,becausethePersianwon’tletyoudiewithouthim.’
‘Ithinkwe’veallgotenoughfightinuswhenweneedit,Tuareg.’
‘Areyougettingphilosophicalwithme,Shantaram?’
Actually,Iwasgettingprettyhigh.Thebowlofthehookahpipewasasbigasasunflower,andIhadalongridehome.Ihadtostraightenup.FromthefewtimesI’dspokentohim,I’dlearnedthattheTuaregwasalwaysincharacter.
‘Imean,whensomethingweloveisatstake,wefight.Itdoesn’tmatterwhoweare,orwherewecomefrom.Nobodyhasafranchiseonthat.’
Helaughedagain.
‘Iwishwe’dhadmoretalkslikethis,’hesaid,‘andthatitwerepossibletohavethemagain.Afterthisday,youwillnotreturntomyhouseunlessyourlifeormyowndependsuponit.Thisisaspecialoccasion,withspecialreasons.ButIvaluemyprivacyveryhighly.Areweclear?’
Thesecondhitofthehookahpipewaskickingin:Timeyawned,andtookanap.TheTuareg’sfaceblurred,suddenlyfierce,suddenlykind,buthewasn’tmovingatall.
It’sokay,Icalmedmyself.It’snotthetortureryou’vegottaworryabout,it’sthepsychiatrist
‘Iseethat,’Isaid,hopingthatmyvoicedidn’tsoundassqueakyintheroomasitdidinmyhead.
‘Good,’hesaid,puffingthehookahalightoncemore.‘TheIrishman.Youwanthim,andIknowwhereheis.’
Concannon.Forasecond,theironyoffindingmypersonaltorturerthroughaprofessionaltorturerwastoomuch.Iwasprettyhigh,andIlaughed.
‘I’msorry,Tuareg,’Isaid,regainingcontrol.‘I’mgladtohearthatyouknowwhereheis,andI’dalsoliketoknow.I’mnotlaughingatanythingyousaid.It’sjustthatthisIrishmanhasawayofmakingyoulaugh,nomatterhowmuchyouwanttohurthim.’
‘Likemycousin,Gulab,’theTuaregsaid.‘Itwasnotuntilthreeofusinthefamilywoundedhimthathemendedhisways.’
‘How’shemendingnow?’
‘Verywell.He’salivingsaintnow.’
‘Asaint,huh?’
‘Indeed.Itwasamiraclethathesurvivedmyshootingalone,letalonetheothercorrections.Peoplebelievehe’sblessed.Andhecertainlyisblessedwithanewcareer,dispensingblessings,infact,nearamosqueinDadar.MyadvicetoyouregardingtheIrishmanistokillhim,beforeyoucan’t.’
‘Look,Tuareg,I–’
‘Seriously,’hesaid,leaningtowardmeseriously.‘Youhavenoideaaboutthisman,doyou?’
‘I’malwayshappytolearnmore,’Isaid,tryingashardtogetstraightasI’veevertriedtogethigh.
‘He’sthetruth.’
‘I’mnotfollowingyou.’
‘He’satruth-finder,likeme.’
‘Youmeanhemakespeopletellhimthings,likeyoudid.’
‘It’snotthetruththat’sdangerous,’hesaid,‘it’ssomeonewhoalwaysknowshowtofindit.ThisIrishmanissuchaman.I’veseenfilesonhim.Hewasverygoodatwhathedid.He’sayoungerversionofme,perhaps.’
Helaughedagain,andpuffedonhishookahpipe.
‘Youhavenoideahowmuchfearyoucanfindinsideyourself,’hesaidafterawhile,‘untilsomeonehelpsyoufindit.’
Itwasagame,apsychologicalgame,andIdon’tplaygames.Ididn’tanswer.He’dcalledmetohishouse,andsoonerorlaterIknewhe’dgettothepoint.Hegesturedwithhishookahpipe,urgingmetosmoke.Ismoked.
‘InmytimewithKhaderbhai,’hecontinued,‘therewasno-onemorepowerfulintheCompanythanIwas,althoughIneverappearedatmeetings.KhaderbhaiknewthatIcouldmakethetruthspringfromanydesert,likesacredwaters,evenfromhisownlips.WhenheknewhowgoodIwasatmyjob,hehadonlytwochoices–tokillme,ortouseme.Thereisalessonforyouinthat.’
Helookedatmeintentlyforamoment.
‘Noadviceaboutkilling,please,’Isaidquickly.
Helaughedagain,andgesturedwiththehoseofthehookah.
‘Smoke!’hecommanded.
Ipuffeduntilthecoalsinthelotusbowlglowedlikeatinysun,drewinadeepbreath,closedoffthepipeagain,andblewoutastreamofsmokethatsettledincurlingwavesonthewallofthearchedroom.
‘Excellent!’hesaid.‘Nevertrustamanwhocan’tholdhishashish.’
‘Toosane?’Ioffered.
‘Becausehashishtalks,’helaughed.‘Soletuscontinuetalking.’
‘Okay.Goahead.’
‘ThisIrishman,hishatredisnotforyou.Itneverwas.HishatredisforAbdullah.Heattacksyou,becauseheknowshowmuchithurtsAbdullah.’
‘Whatdoyouknowaboutit?’
‘IknowthatiswhytheIrishmanwenttoseeyourgirlfriend,onthenightthatshedied.’
Icouldn’thidetheshock.
‘Yes,Iknowaboutthelastnightofyourgirlfriend’slife.’
‘Howdoyouknowthis?’
‘Smokeagainfirst,’hesaid,gesturingatthebowlofthehookahpipe.‘Youdounderstandthatsomerevelationsrequireatrancestate,tofullycomprehendtheirimport?’
Okay,Ithought.NowIgetit
‘Iunderstand,Tuareg,thatyou’reperformingpsychologicalexperimentsonme.Iwishyou’dincludeme,sowecangetitoverwith.’
Helikedtolaugh,thepsychoanalyticpunitory,andhehadapeculiarlaugh,highandjagged,butitnevervariedinpitchortone.Noonethingwaseverfunnierthananother,andthelaughneverswelledorchuckledorchanged.
Thelaugh,andthewalk,tellyoueverything,Didieroncesaidtome.
‘Idosowishthatwecouldhaveatleastonemoreinterview,’theTuaregsaid.‘You’requiteright.Itwasanotherlittleexperiment.Forgiveme.’
‘Stopwiththetests,Tuareg.’
‘Iwill,Iwill,’helaughed.‘Ihavefewvisitors,yousee,andIneverleavethishome,nowadays.Imiss…thefieldexperiments.ShallIcontinue,abouttheIrishman?’
‘Pleasedo.’
‘Hemurderedaman,withAbdullah.’
‘He…what?’
‘Morethanonelifewaslost,infact,’theTuaregsaid.
Itcouldn’tbe.Ididn’twanttobelieveit.
‘Howdoyouknowthis,Tuareg?’
Hefrowned,hesitatingontheshoreofpuzzlement,readytolaughagain.
‘Peopletellmethings,’hesaid.
‘Okay,youknowwhat,Tuareg,don’ttellmeanymore.Abdullahwilltellmetherest.’
‘Wait!Don’tbesoimpatient.Thisinformationwastoldtome,notelicited,andyouneedtoknowthisaboutAbdullah.’
‘Iwon’ttalkaboutAbdullah,ifhe’snotintheroom.Sorry.’
‘Wonderful,’hesaidsoftly.‘Itwasjustonemorelittletest.Ihopeyouwillforgiveme.Iamdeprivedofsubjects.’
‘Whatisthis,Tuareg?Youinvitemeintoyourhome,andnowIneedasafewordjusttotalktoyou?’
‘No,no,letmegoon.TherewasabusinessmanwhoowedtheCompanyprotectionmoney,andwouldn’tpay.Hewasmakingacaseforextortion,inthecourt,andalotofnoiseforSanjay.AbdullahwaswiththeIrishman,whentheyfixedtheproblem.Itisforhimtotellyouwhattranspiredthere.WhatIcantellyou,isthatitwasaverybadaffair.’
‘Whathasthisgottodowiththegirl?’
Lisa.Lisa.Icouldn’tbringmyselftospeakhername,intheTuareg’shive.
‘Thatissomethingonlyoneotherknows.’
‘Somethingyoudon’tknow?’
‘SomethingIdon’tknow…yet.’
Helookedatme.Ithinkhelikedmycompany.I’mstillnotsurewhatthatsaidaboutme.
‘Youknowwhatasecretis,Shantaram?’heasked,thewriggleofhissmiletwitchinghislonggreybeard.
‘Somethingyoudon’ttellme?’Ireplied,hopefully.
‘Asecretisatruthuntold,’hesaid.‘AndAbdullahhasbeenkeepingthisasecretfromyou,andIknowthat,becauseIaskedhim,justyesterday.’
‘Whydidyouaskhim?’
‘Nicequestion,’hesaid.‘Whatmadeyouaskit?’
‘Stopit,Tuareg,please.Whydidyouaskhimaboutme?Wasitbecausethisisconnectedtomygirlfriend?’
‘ThisIrishman,Concannon,knowsthatAbdullahlovesyou.HethinksthatAbdullahtoldyouaboutthemurdertheycommittedtogether.Thatgiveshimtworeasonstokillyou.Thetwenty-four-hourcontractonyourlifewasnotajoke.Itwasaseriousattemptonyourlife.Hemeanttokillyou,tomakeAbdullahsuffer,andhemeanstokillAbdullah.’
‘Iunderstand,Tuareg.Andthanks.WherecanIfindhim?’
Helaughedagain.Iwashopinghe’dexplainthejoke.Iwassittinginanarchway,amonganinfinitearrayofarchways,andIwassolevitationallystonedonthehookahpipethatmylegswerejellyfish.
‘Thereareonlytwokindsofpeopleinthisworld,’hesaid,smilingeasilyforthefirsttime,‘thosewhouse,andthosewhoareused.’
Iwasthinkingthattherewereprobablylotsofdifferentkindsofpeople,andcertainlymorethantwo,butIfiguredthathewasactuallytalkingaboutsomethingelse:thereasonwhyhe’dcalledmetohishouse.
‘I’mguessingthatthisinformationisgonnacostmesomething,’Isaid.
‘Iwantafavourinreturn,itistrue,’hesaid.‘Butitisonethatyouwillbewillingtogrant,Ibelieve.’
‘Howwilling?’
‘Iwanteverythingyouknow,andcometolearn,aboutRanjitChoudhry.’
‘Why?’
‘Iwanttotakehimintomycustody,beforeanyoneelsedoes.’
‘Yourcustody?’
‘Yes,atafacility,notfarawayfromhere.’
Sometimes,Fategivesyouahandfulofsand,andpromisesthatifyousqueezeithardenough,it’llturntogold.
‘Youknow,Tuareg,’Isaid,preparingmyjellyfishlegstostand,‘thanksfortheoffer,butI’llfindtheIrishman,andRanjit,onmyown.’
‘Wait,’theTuaregsaid.‘I’msorry.Itwasmylastlittletest.Ipromise.I’mfinished.Wouldyouliketoknowtheresultsofmystudyonyoutoday?’
‘Itoldyou.Ididn’tcomehereasasubject.’
‘Ofcourse,’helaughed,pullingmedownbesidehimagain.‘Please,stay,andhaveanothercupofhottea,beforeyouleave.’
Cousinsandnephewsclearedthedishes,andbroughtanewsamovarofhottea.
‘Youmustforgiveme,’theTuaregsaid.‘Ifyoudon’t,itwillhavemeinanalysisforayear.’
Ilaughed.
‘No,seriously,’hesaid,lookingatmeearnestly.‘Youmustforgiveme.’
‘You’reforgiven,’Isaid.
‘Idon’tfeelforgiven,’hesaid.‘Areyoureallyforgivingme?’
‘Comeon,Tuareg,whothehellamItoforgiveanyone?’
‘Closeenough,’hesaid.‘Andthankyou.Inastrictlycommercialsense,notestsinvolved,I’minapositiontopayyouaconsiderablesumfora…privateinterviewwithRanjitChoudhry.’
‘Attractiveandallasthatsounds…’Ibegan,buthecutmeoff.
‘Therearetwofamilies,ofaggrieveddaughters,whowillpayushandsomelyifRanjitisinmyhands.’
‘No.’
‘Iunderstand,’hesaidsoftly.‘Andthat’satestIdidn’tevenconsider.Thankyou.Ihaveenjoyedthisverymuch.HereistheaddressoftheIrishman.’
Heslippedasmallsheetofpaperfromhiscuff,andpassedittome.
‘Tonight,theIrishmanwillbeinthecompanyofonlyoneortwomen.Hewillbevulnerable.Tonight,atmidnight,isthetimetostrike.’
‘Thankyou,’Isaid.‘ButI’mnothandingRanjitovertoyou,Tuareg,ifIfindhim.’
‘That’sclear.Doyouneedhelp,tokidnaptheIrishman?’
‘Idon’twanttokidnaphim.Iwanttomakehimreconsiderhisoptions.’
‘Oh,Isee.Then,mayAllahbewithyou,andletussmokeonelastbowl.’
‘Youknow,Ireallyshouldbegoing.’
‘Oh,please!Stay,foronemorepipe.’
Cousinsandnephewsreplacedtheoldhookahpipewithanewone,filledwithpureHimalayanwater,theytoldme,andthenfilledthepipewithpureHimalayanherb.
‘Itaughtthemind,’hesaid,lyingbackonsilkcushions,thetrayofteaanddatesbetweenus,‘andI’vetorturedthemind.Andyouknowwhat?Thereisnodifference.It’sfunny,isn’tit?’
‘Notforthepatients.’
Helaughedthatmechanicallaugh.
‘Youknowwhattheelephantintheroomis,whenitcomestopsychiatry?’heasked.
‘Thesuccessrate?’Isuggested.
‘No,’hesaid.‘Thesuccessrateonlyrevealsthosewhocanbehelpedbythis,andthosewhocan’t.Theelephantintheroomisthatwecanshapebehaviourmorefluentlythanwecanunderstandit.Whenyouknowhowtomakeanyonedoanything,itmakesyoustarttowonderwhatwereallyare.’
‘Youcan’tmakeanyonedoanything,Tuareg.Notevenyou.Factis,someofusareimpossibletopredict,andimpossibletocontrol,andIlikeitthatway.’
‘You’vebeenthere,’hesaid,sittingupagain.‘Youknowwhatitis.’
‘Beenwhere?’
‘Torture,’hesaid,hiseyesgleaming.
‘Sothat’swhatthislastbowlisabout,huh?’
‘You’vebeenthere,’hesaid.‘Tellmewhatyoulearned.Please,confideinme.’
‘Iknowthatmenyoumightthinkareweak,turnouttobestrong,andviceversa.’
‘Yes,’hesaid.‘Areyouwillingtoletme…questionyou,aboutit?’
‘Actually…no,’Isaid,strugglingjellyfishintoaction.
‘Wouldyoulikemetomakearevelation?’heasked.‘Itwillbondus,onthisday.’
‘Actually…no,’Isaid,findingthestufftostand.
‘Itookthechildren’stoyshop,becausethat’swhatIwanttodo,’hesaid.‘IonlyacceptedtheCompanylotteryfranchisetomakesuretheyknowI’mstillaloyalCompanyman.It’sthetoyshop,actually,thatIwanted,andthecrimeisjustafront.’
‘Okay…’
‘AndmynameisMustapha,’hesaid.‘ItwasKhaderbhaiwhogavemethenameTuareg.HesaidthatitmeansAbandonedbyGod,andwasanamefortheBluePeople,becausetheywouldnotbesubdued.ButmynameisMustapha.’
‘I…’
‘There,Ihaveconfessedtwothingstoyou,andwearebrothers.’
‘Okay…’
‘AndbasedontheprofileIcompiledinourmeetingtoday,Iwillknowexactlywhattodotoyou,ifyoueverspeaktoanyoneofmyhome.’
Heglancedattheclock.
‘Oh,’hesaid.‘Iseeourtimeisup.’ChapterFifty-Nine
There’sathingthathappenswhenyouridestoned,whichnosanepersonwoulddo,wheretimevanishes.IarrivedinColaba,fromdistantKhar,andIhadnorecollectionofthetrip.Ifthedestinationisthejourney,Ineverarrived.
Whateverhappenedontheway,Ifeltfreedofworry,andemptiedofneedwhenIcruisedbackintotheIslandCitypeninsula.OrmaybeitwasjustbecauseIhadConcannon’saddress,andallIhadtodowaswaitformidnight,tovisitit.
ItriedtofindKarla.Shehadn’tbeenavoidingme,butshehadn’tbeencollidingwithme.IknewshesometimeshadadrinkwithDidieratLeopold’s,lateinthenight.
Iparkedthebikeoutsideandwalkedin,hopingmydisappointmentdidn’tshowwhenIsawDidiersittingalone.Hegavemeagoldensmile,andIsmiledback,walkingtowardhim.Iwasglad,onsecondthoughts,thatKarlawasn’tthere:notifIwantedtoreckonwithConcannonthatnight.
Didierrosetogreetme,shakinghandsstrenuously.
‘Iamsogladtoseeyou,Lin,’hesaid.‘Iwaswonderingwhereyouwere.Ifeltsobadwhenyouleftearlier,afterthattalkwithKavita.Itwoundedme.Didyounotthinkofmyfeelings?’
‘DidyouknowaboutLisaandKavita?’Iasked.
‘Ofcourse,’hepuffed.‘Didierknowseverything.WhatisthepointofDidier,ifhedoesnotknoweveryscandalousthing?’
‘I’mnotsureIunderstandthequestion.Whydon’twestaywithmine.’
‘I…Iknew,Lin.Myfirstthought,whenLisatrickedme,wasthatshewaswithKavita.Ichecked,butKavitawasatadifferentpartythatnight,closetohere.’
‘Whydidn’tyoutellme?Whydidn’tshetellme?’
‘Waiter!’Didiercalledout.
‘You’reduckingthequestion,Didier.’
‘Thereweretwoquestions,Lin.Waiter!’
‘Stillducking,Didier.’
‘Certainlynot,’hereplied.‘I’msimplyelectingtoansweryourquestionafterIhavehadtwostrongdrinks.Thatisnotthesamething.Waiter!’
‘HowcanIbeofservice,sir?’Sweetieaskedsweetly.
‘Stopwiththepoliteness,Sweetie!’Didiersnapped.‘Andbringustwocoldbeers.’
‘Iamheretoserve,’Sweetiesaid,backingawayobsequiously.
Itwasinfuriatinglypolite,andDidierwasinfuriated.
‘Getoutofmysight!’heshouted.‘Bringmybloodydrinks,man!’
Sweetiesmiled,toosweetly,backingaway.
‘DoyouknowthatyougetveryEnglish,whenyougetangry?’Iremarked.
‘Theseswine!’Didierprotested.‘Theyareonlybeingnicetome,becauseithurtsme.Itislikeastrike,butinreverse.Itisthemostdespicableuseofcourtesy,andcourtesydefinesus,isitnotso?’
‘Lovedefinesus,Didier.’
‘Ofcourse,itdoes!’hesaid,stampinghisfootunderthetable.‘Thatisexactlywhyreverse-politenessissopainful.Please,Lin,whileyouarehere,makethemmoresurlyandimpolite.Ibegyou.’
‘I’llseewhatIcando,Didier.But,hey,you’reahardacttosell.Imighthavetoembellishyou,likeyoudidforme,whenyousoldmetotheDivas.WhichoneofyourshootingsshouldIuse?’
‘Lin,youabusemysensitivities.’
‘Everythingabusesyoursensitivities,Didier.It’soneofthereasonswhyweloveyou.Whatabusesmysensitivitiesisthatyoudidn’ttellmeaboutLisa.’
‘But,Lin,itissuchadelicatematter.Itisadifficultthingtojustsayitoutloud,likethat.Yourgirlfriendisbisexual,andhasalesbianlover.WasIsupposedtomakeajoke,perhaps?Hey,Lin,thetonguegotyourcat,sotosay?’
‘I’mnottalkingaboutsex.Lisatoldmeshewasbisexualthefirsttimewegottogether.I’mtalkingaboutrelationships.ThewayitlookstomeisthatyouandLisaandKavitaallknewsomethingthatIshould’veknown,butdidn’t.’
‘I…I’msorry,Lin.Sometimes,asecretistooprecioustotell.Doyouforgiveme?’
‘Nomoresecrets,Didier.You’remybrother.Ifitaffectsyou,orme,wehavetobestraightwitheachother.’
Hecouldn’thelpit.Hestartedgiggling.
‘Straightwitheachother?’
Hispaleblueeyesglittered,lighthousescallingthewandererhome.Worryhidagaininlaughlines.
Habitstoodiligentlyindulgedmadecavesofhischeeks,buthisskinwasstilltaut,hismouthstilldetermined,andhisnoseimperial.He’dcuthiscurlyhairshort,andworeitpartedontheside.Diva’sinfluence,Iguessed.
ThecutmadeDidierlooklikeDirkBogardeatthesameage,anditsuitedhim.Iknewitwouldsprinklenewsuitorsonhimatparties.
‘AmIforgiven?’
‘You’realwaysforgiven,Didier,beforeyousin.’
‘Iamsodelightedthatyoucametovisittonight,Lin,’hesaid,slappinghisthighs.‘Ifeelbigthingscomingintheair.Canyoustay,orwillyourushoffagain,asalways?’
‘I’msittinghereuntilmidnight.You’vegotmefortheduration.’
‘Wonderful!’
Sweetieslammedacoldbeerinfrontofmeonthetable.
‘Aurkuch?’Sweetiegruntedatme.Anythingelse?
‘Goaway,’Didiersnapped.
‘Oh,certainly,MrDidier-sahib,’Sweetiesaid.‘Anythingtoserveyou,MrDidier-sahib.’
‘Iseewhatyoumean,’IsaidtoDidier.‘Thisisserious.You’regonnahavetodosomethingprettyspectacular,towinbacktheirdisrespect.’
‘Iknow,’hepleaded.‘Butwhat?’
Amanapproachedourtable.Hewastall,andbroad,withclose-clippedblondehairandaveryshortnosethatflattenedhisface,makingitseemtwo-dimensional
Whenhegotlooming-close,Isawthathisnosehadbeensquashedflat:brokensomanytimesthatthegristlehadcollapsed.Hewaseitheraverybadfighter,orhe’dhadsomanybadfightsthatthelawofaveragesputathumbprintwherehisnosehadbeen.
Eitherway,itwasn’taprettysight,loomingoverourtable.Loomingoverme,infact.
‘Howcanyousitnexttothisfilthygay?’heaskedme.
‘It’scalledgravity,’Isaid.‘Lookitup,whenyouhaveanafternoontospare.’
HeturnedtoDidier.
‘Youmakemesick!’thebigmanhissed.
‘Notyet,’Didierreplied.‘Butithappens.’
‘Howaboutsomethinghappenstoyourface?’thetallmansaid,hisjawlikeashovel.
‘Careful,’Iwarned.‘Myboyfriendhasatemper.’
‘Fuckyou,’thebigmansaid.
Therewasasecondman,standingsomedistanceaway.Ilefthimintheperiphery,andfocusedontheflattenedmoonaboveourtable.
‘YouknowwhatwedowithyourkindinLeningrad?’thetallmanaskedDidier.
‘Thesamethingyoudowithmykind,everywhere,’Didiersaidcalmly,hishandinhisjacketpocketasheleanedbackinhischair.‘Untilwestopyou.’
Leningrad.Russians.Iriskedaclearlookatthesecondman,standingafewstepsbehind.Heworeathinblackshirt,likehisfriend.Hisshortbrownhairwasalittlemessed,hispalegreeneyeswerebright,andhisexpressivemouthliftedeasilyinasmile.Histhumbswerehookedintheloopsofhisfadedjeans.
Hewasleanerandfasterthanhisfriend,andmuchcalmer.Thatmadehimthemostdangerousmanintheroom,excludingDidier,becauseeveryoneelseintheroom,includingme,wasnervous.Helookedatme,madeeyecontact,andsmiledgenially.
Ilookedbackatthemanwhowasblockingoutseveraloverheadlightswithhisface.
‘Showmewhatyou’vegot,’thetallRussianshouted,slappingathischest.‘Fightme!’
Patronshastilyvacatedneighbouringtables.ThetallRussianshovedemptytablesandchairsaside,andstoodinanopenspace,challengingDidier.
‘Comehere,littleman,’heteased.
Didierlitacigarette.
‘Doubleabomination!’thetallRussianshouted.‘Agay,andaJew.AJewgay.Theworstkindofgay.’
Waitersestablishedawideperimeter.Theywerereadytopounceiftheshoutingturnedtofighting,butno-onewantedtobethefirstpouncer,punchedawaybythebig,angryRussian.
‘Comeon,littleman.Comehere.’
‘Certainly,’Didierrepliedequably.‘WhenIhavefinishedmycig-arette.’
Oh,shit,Ithought,andknewthatIwasn’ttheonlyoneinLeopold’sthinkingit.Didierpuffedcontentedly,gentlyeasinganurnofashintohisglassashtray.
Inthesilence,theRussiancompanionmovedquicklytostandbesideme.Heheldhishandsopeninfrontofhim,gesturingtowardthechairnexttomine.
Itwasagoodidea.Whenhe’dmoved,I’dleanedbackinmychair,putmyrightarmbehindmeandclosedmyhandaroundoneofmyknives.
‘Isthisseattaken?’heaskedsociably.‘Itmighttakeyourfriendaminutetofinishhiscigarette,andI’drathersit,ifit’sokaywithyou.’
‘It’safreecountry,Oleg,’Isaid.‘That’swhyIlivehere.’
‘Thanks,’hesaid,sittingnexttomecomfortably.‘Hey,don’ttakeitpersonally,butisn’titabitofastereotype?I’mRussian,somynamehastobeOleg?’
Hewasright.Andwhenaman’sright,he’sright,evenifyou’rethinkingaboutstabbinghiminthethigh.
‘Myname’sLin,’Isaid.‘I’mnotsureifI’mpleasedtomeetyou.’
‘Likewise,’hesaid.‘Oleg.’
‘Areyoufuckingwithme?’
Istillhadmyhandontheknife.
‘No,’helaughed.‘Itreallyismyname.Oleg.AndyourgayJewishfriendisabouttogethisasskicked.’
WebothlookedatDidier,whowasexamininghiscigaretteforensically.
‘Mymoney’sontheJew,’Isaid.
‘Itis?’
‘Mymoney’salwaysontheJew.’
‘Howmuchmoney?’heasked,awidesmilelightinghiseyeswithmischief.
‘EverythingI’vegot.’
‘Howmuchiseverything?’
‘Everythingwillbuyyouthreethousand,’Isaid.
‘American?’
‘Idon’tdealinroubles,Oleg.Thecigaretteisrunningout.Areyouin?’
‘Done,’hesaid,offeringhishand.
Iletgotheknife,shookhishand,andputmyhandbackontheknifeagain.Olegwavedtoawaiter.Didierwasalmostfinishedhiscigarette.ThewaiterlookedpastOlegtome,mystified.
Hewasworried.ThebigmanwasstillwaitingforDidierintheopenspacebetweenvacatedtables.Servicehadceased.Thewaiter,namedSayed,didn’tknowwhatwasgoingon.Inoddedmyheadandhecamerunning,hiseyesonthebigRussian.
‘Iwouldlikeachilledbeer,please,’Olegsaid.‘Andaplateofyourhome-madefries.’
Sayedblinkedafewtimes,andlookedatme.
‘It’sokay,Sayed,’Isaid.‘Ihavenoideawhat’sgoingon,either.’
‘Oh,’Sayedsaid,relieved.‘I’llgetthebeerandfries,rightaway.’
Hetrottedaway,wagginghishandsandhishead.
‘It’sokay,’hesaidinHindi.‘Nobodyknowswhat’sgoingon.’
Thewaitersrelaxed,watchingthelastsecondsofDidier’scigarette.
‘Ihopeyourfriendwins,bytheway,’Olegsaid.‘AlthoughIdoubtit,unfortunately.’
Didierstubbedhiscigaretteout.
‘Youhopemyguywins?’
‘Chert,da,’Olegsaid.
‘Whatdoesthatmean?’
‘ItmeansHell,yeah,inRussian.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Chert,da.I’dhavepaidthreethousandbuckstohavethisidiot’sbigotedassbeatensenseless,ifIwasthatkindofguy.’
‘Butyou’renotthatkindofguy.’
‘Look,youjustmethim.I’vebeenworkingwiththisassholeforweeks.ButIcan’tbringmyselftohavesomeonebeaten.Notevenhim.I’vebeenontheotherendafewtimes,andIdidn’tlikeit.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Thisway,ifyourguywins,it’slikeIpaidforit,butI’mfreeofthekarmicdebt.’
Didierstoodslowly,andsteppedawayfromhistable.
‘Afteryoupayup,’Isaid,‘weshouldtalk,Oleg.’
Didierbrushedflakesofashfromhisrumpledblackvelvetjacket,andturnedupthecollar.Withhishandspresseddeepinthepocketsofhisjacket,hewalkedtowardthebigRussian.
ThebigRussianwaswavinghisfistsinfrontofhim,fistsasbigastheskullstheyfrequentlyhit,andhewasweavingbackandforth,slowly.
Myhandwasonmyknife.IfOleggotinvolved,IwassureIcouldtaghimbeforeheleftthetable.ButOlegputhishandsbehindhishead,leanedbackinhischair,andwatchedtheshow.
Didierwalkedtooneandahalfstepsfromthebigman,andthenleaptintoahigh,balleticpirouette,hisarmstuckedintohispockets.Heflunghisarmswideatthepeakoftheleap,anddescendedinanarcthatputhiskneesontheRussian’schest,andhispistolonthetopofthebigman’shead.
Didierdancedfree,hishandsbackinhisjacketpockets,standingawayfromthebigman.TheRussianfellfromthekneesfirst,asthebraintemporarilydisengaged,buthisarmsstillflaileduntilhehitthefloorwithhisface,nosefirst.
‘Payup,Oleg,’Isaid,asDidierwenttothemaincountertomakethingsrightwiththemanagement.
‘Wow,’hesaid.‘Thatbigguy’sabare-knuckle,no-rulesfighterinRussia.’
‘Yourbare-knucklefighterjustgothisasskickedbyballetandawell-madegun.Payup.’
‘Noproblem,’hesaid,grinninginwonder.‘I’mRussian.Weinventedthewell-madegun.’
Olegpulledarollfromhispocket,peeledafewouterlayersfromthelettuce,andshovedtheheadbackintohispocket.
‘You’reamanofmystery,Oleg.’
‘Actually,I’mamanunemployed.’
ThefactthatScorpioGeorgehadhiredRussiansecurityguards,andLeopold’swasinvadedbyRussians,couldn’tbecoincidence.
‘Lemmeguess,’Isaid.‘YouwereworkingsecurityforthepenthousefloorattheMahesh?’
‘That’sright.Hefiredustoday,motherfucker.’
‘Hehappenstobeafriendofmine,evenifheisamotherfucker.’
‘Sorry,’hesaid.‘Ifyouknowhim,youknowhowtightheiswithadollar.Hecountedeveryminutewe’dworkedforhim,andgaveusatwo-hundred-dollarkissgoodbye,afterguardinghislife.Funny,isn’tit?’
‘That’sabiggerrollthantwohundredbucks.’
‘Therewasapokergame,atthehotel,runbythisguycalledGemini.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Yeah,Ihadarunofluck,andbrokethebank.’
Oleg,agolden-childgambler,brokethebank.Ofallthepokergames,inalltheworld,he’dwalkedintomine.
Sayedbroughtdrinksandfood,smilinghappily.
‘MrDidierwasterrific,’Sayedmutteredtome.‘Wehavenotseensuchgooddancingfromhiminyears!Heknockedoutthatbigfellowwithjustonesmack.’
‘Whereareyoudancingthebigfellowtonow,Sayed?’Iasked.
‘Tothestreet,’hesaid,wipingmoisturefromthetable,andofferingcondimentstoOleg.
Oleggesturedatmewithapotatochipdippedintomatosauce.
‘CanIdigin?’heaskedpolitely.‘Ilovehomemadefries.’
‘Yourfriendisbeingdraggedoutintothestreet,Oleg.’
‘IsthataYes,oraNo?’
‘I’llberightback,’Isighed,ashedugin.
Iknewhowitworked.ThebigRussian’sbodywouldbedraggedoutsideLeopold’s,twelveinchesfromthelegalobligationline.Thatwouldplacehiminthepavementcommercialzone.
Thepavementshopkeeperswouldeventuallyshovehimfromtheirzonetothegutter,twelveinchesfromtheirfootpathshops.
Thatwouldplacehiminthetaxidrivercommercialzone,andeventuallyhisbodywouldbedraggedtotheopenroad,whereanambulancewouldcollecthim,ifabusdidn’ttakehimoutfirst.
I’dbeenthatman,thatunconsciousmeatatthemercyoftheworld.IcalledastreettraderIknew,andpaidhimtoputthebigRussianintoataxi,boundforthehospital.
Didierwasstillacceptingpraise,andpayinghandsomelyfortheinterruptiontoLeopold’sbusiness.Iwalkedbacktothetable,lookingforathirdRussian.IknowitsoundskindofparanoidthatIwaslookingforathirdRussian,buttheywerecrazyyears,andinmyexperience,it’salwaysprudenttoconsiderathirdRussian.
‘IsthereathirdRussian?’Iasked,asIsatdownbesideOleg.
Hebrushedhismouthwithanapkinandturnedtofaceme,hispalegreeneyeslookingintominehonestly.
‘IftherewasathirdRussian,’hesaid,‘I’dbegone.Everyone’sscaredoftheRussians.EvenRussiansarescaredoftheRussians.I’mRussian.Youcantrustmeonthat.’
‘WhydidScorpiofireyou?’
‘Look,he’syourfriend…’
‘He’salsocrazy.Tellme.’
‘Well,he’sgonekindofnuts,aboutacursethatwasputonhimbysomeholyman.Me,I’dkillthemanwhoputacurseonme,orforcehimtotakeitback.ButI’mRussian,andweseethingsdifferently.’
‘Sowhathappened?’
‘Myex-boss,yourfriend,employedfoodtasters.’
‘Foodtasters?’
‘Haveyoueveractuallymetafoodtaster?’
‘No,Oleg,butyoudid,right?’
‘Indiankids.Nicekids.Eatinghisfood,first,tobesurethatitwasn’tpoisoned.’
Iknewthingsweren’tgoodatScorpio’seaglenest.Geminihadreachedouttome.ButIhadn’ttakenScorpio’sobsessionwiththecurseseriously.IfwhatOlegtoldmewastrue,Scorpiowasintrouble.Hewasagoodmaninabadsituation,whichiswhenfriendsintervene.
ButIhadConcannon’saddressinmypocket,andIwasjustkillingtimeatLeopold’s,waitingformidnight,andIletmyfriend’sdistressgo.
‘Didyouquit,orwereyoufired?’
‘ItoldhimIwouldn’tletthekidstesthisfood,’hesaid.‘Iofferedtodoitmyself.I’malwayshungry.Buthedidn’ttakethecriticismwell.Hefiredbothofus.’
‘Whopaidyouguystocomeinhereandstarttroubletonight?’
‘Notme,him,’hesaid.‘Heaskedmetohaveonelastdrinkwithhim.Isaidokay,hopingitwouldbethelasttimeI’deverseehim.Then,onthewayhere,hetellsmehe’sgotthisprivatejob,roughingupsomegayFrenchman,inabar.’
‘Andyouthoughtyou’dtagalong?’
‘Ithought,ifIdon’twatchthiscrazyguyhe’llkillsomeone,andthatwillfuckwithmyvisa.’
‘You’reahumanitarian,’Isaid.
‘Whothefuckareyou,tojudgeme?’
Hewassmiling,asfriendlyasapuppy.Andhehadapoint,again,andwhenamanhasapointthere’snotmuchyoucando.
‘Fuckyou,’Isaid.‘I’mtheguyyouhavetogetpast,ifyoucameheretohurtmyfriend.’
‘Isogetyou!’Olegsaid,disconcertingmyconcert.
‘What?’
‘Icompletelygetyou,’Olegshouted.‘Givemeahug.’
Hedraggedmetomyfeet,strongerthanI’dguessed,andhuggedme.
Fateneverfightsfair.Fatesneaksuponyou.Theworldsplashedthroughlakesoftime,andeachlakeIfellthroughtookmeclosertoahug,wildandtender,frommylostbrother,inAustralia.
Ishruggedfree,andsatdownagain.Heraisedhishandtocallformorebeer,butIstoppedhim.
‘You’reunemployed?’Iasked.
‘Iam.Whatareyouoffering?’
‘Threeorfourhours’work.’
‘Startingwhen?’
‘Fairlyclosetonow,’Isaid.
‘WhatdoIhavetodo?’
‘Fightyourwayin,maybe,andfightyourwayout,maybe.Withme.’
‘Fightmywayintowhat?’heasked.‘Idon’tdobanks.’
‘Ahouse,’Isaid.
‘Whydowehavetofightourwayin?’
‘Becausethepeopleinsidedon’tlikeme.’
‘Why?’
‘Doyougiveashit?’
‘That’sbesidethepoint.’
‘Whatpoint?’
‘AllthatmoneyIlosttonight,inthebet,’hesaid.‘Double.’
‘Oh,thatpoint.Fine.Areyouin?’
‘Arewegoingtogetkilled?’
‘Doyougiveashit?’
‘OfcourseIgiveashit.Igiveashitaboutyou,andIonlyjustmetyou.’
‘Idon’tthinkso.’
‘I’mRussian.Webondquickly.’
‘Imean,Idon’tthinkwe’llgetkilled.’
‘Okay,sohowmanyguysarewegoingupagainst?’
‘Three,’Isaid.‘Butoneofthem,anIrishmannamedConcannon,isworthtwo.’
‘Whatnationalityaretheothertwo?’
‘Whatthefuckdoyoucare?’
‘Nationalityfiguresintheprice,man,’hesaid.‘Everybodyknowsthat.’
‘Ididn’tdoacensus,butIheardawhilebackthathe’sworkingwithanAfghan,andanIndianguy.Theymightbethere.’
‘So,therearethreeguys?’
‘Twoguys,maybe,andanIrishmanworthtwo.’
‘AnIrishman,anAfghan,andanIndian?’
‘Couldbe.’
‘AgainstaRussianandanAustralian,’hemused.
‘Ifyouwanttoseeitthatway.’
‘Doubleagain.’
‘Doubleagain?’
‘Chert,da.’
‘Why?’
‘AnAfghanandaRussianinthesameroom,rightnow,isworthextra.’
‘Twelvegrandtofightwithmetonight?Forgetit.’
Didierbegantowalkbacktowardourtable.Therewasaspatterofapplause,andhebowedtodinnerpatronsafewtimesbeforehesat.
‘Tellyouwhat,’Olegsaid,leaningclose,‘I’llcomealong,andifIdon’tdeliver,don’tpaymeanythingatall,butifIdo,paymemyprice.’
‘Didier,meetOleg,’Isaid.‘You’regonnalovethisguy.’
‘Enchanté,monsieur,’Didierpreened.
‘Youdon’tmindthatI’msittinghere,monsieur?’Olegaskedpolitely.‘ConsideringthatIcameintoyourbarwithalunatic?’
‘WhohasnotwalkedintoLeopold’swithalunatic?’Didierdemurred.‘AndDidiercanspotamanofcharacterfromfiftymetres,andshoothimthroughtheheartfromthesamedistance.’
‘Icanseethatwe’regoingtogetalongverywell,’Olegsaid,restinghisarmsonthetablecomfortably.
‘Waiter!’Didiercried.‘Anotherround!’
Iraisedmyhandtostopthewaiters.
‘We’releaving,man,’Isaid.‘Areyouokay?’
‘But,Lin!’Hepouted.‘HowcanIsharemytriumph?Whowilldrinkwithmenow?’
‘Thenextlunaticthatwalksthroughthedoor,brother,’Isaid,givinghimahug.ChapterSixty
WerodetoParel,andtheabandonedmillsdistrict.TheinformationfromtheTuaregputConcannon’sdrugoperationinavacatedfactorycomplex,rentedoutinsmallprivatespaces.
Theplacewasaghosttownatnight,meaningthatmanypeoplereportedseeingghostsinthevastnetworkoffactoryhutsafterdark.Menandwomenhadlived,workedanddiedinthoseacresfortwogenerations,beforethemillsclosed.Youknowwhatghostsare?JohnnyCigaroncesaidtome.Poorpeople,whodie
‘Itlooksdeserted,’Olegsaid,asweparkedthebikeandwalkedtowardtherowsofgrey,silentfactories.
‘Itmostlyis,atnight,’Isaid.‘He’sworkingfromthefourthbuilding.Factory4A.Keepyourvoicedown.’
Wewerekeepingtoachain-linkfenceline,shadowedbybillboardsadvertisingget-broke-quickschemesforpropertyandthestockmarket.
‘Attheveryleast,’Olegwhispered,‘it’sdamngoodmaterialformywriting.’
Istopped,andstoppedOlegwithapalmonhischest.
‘Writing?’Iwhispered.
‘Yeah.’
‘Areyouajournalist,Oleg?’
‘Chert,net,’hewhispered.
‘Whatdoesthatmean?’
‘ItmeansHell,no,inRussian.It’sliketheoppositeofchert,da.’
‘You’reteachingmeRussian,now?’Iwhispered.‘Areyouafuckingjournalistornot,Oleg?’
‘No,I’mawriter.’
‘Awriter?’
‘Yes.’
‘ARussianwriter?You’rekidding,right?’
‘Well,I’mawriter,’hewhispered.‘AndI’mRussian.So,IguessthatmakesmeaRussianwriter,ifyouwanttothinkaboutitthatway.Arewestillgoingtothefight?’
Ihadmyhandsonmyknees,leaningforwardintoadecision.IwastryingtodecideifI’dratherfacethetwo-plus-twoinfactory4Aonmyown,orwithaRussianwriter.Itwasn’taneasydecision,butmaybethatwasjustawriterthing.
‘ARussianwriter,’Iwhispered.
‘You’vegotsomethingagainstRussianwriters?’
‘Whohasn’tgotsomethingagainstRussianwriters?’
‘Really?WhataboutAksyonov?EverybodylikesAksyonov.’
‘Fuckyou,’Iwhispered.
‘WhataboutTurgenev?Turgenevisfunny.’
‘Yeah.AsfunnyasGogol.’
‘Gogolwasn’tstrictlyRussian,’Olegclarified,whisperinghoarsely.‘HewasaUkrainianCossack.OneofthegreatCossackwriters.’
‘Enough.’
‘Waitaminute,’Olegwhispered,hishandonmyarm.‘Areyouawriter?That’sit,isn’tit?Ha!Howfunny,twowriters,engagingonaquesttogether.’
‘Oh,shit.’
‘Bytheway,’heasked.‘Whatisourquest?’
WiththeRussian,itmightbepossibletosurprisethethreemen,letmehaveitoutwithConcannon,andgetoutagainwithoutanyonegettinghurtbutConcannon,andme.WithoutOleg,I’dhavetocutConcannon’smen,whichwaswhyIwantedOlegwithme.Buthewasawriter.ARussianwriter.
‘Thenthere’sLevLuntz,’Olegwhisperedhopefully.‘Ilovehim.’
‘Shutthefuckup,’Iwhisperedback.
Istraightenedup,andlookedaround.Thelong,widestreethadnaturefrontageononesidewitharailwaylinebehind.TheNissenhutfactoriesonoursideweresilent,stretchingawayfromuslikesomanyburialmounds.
Therewasno-oneinsight,andeventhewanderingpariahdogswerescoutingotherranges.Itwaspeaceful,inthewaythatdangerousplacesareifyou’renotscaredofthem.Iwaschannellingthatpeace,becauseIwasscared,andIwantedtostopConcannonwithoutmoreblood,butIdidn’tthinkitwouldbethateasy.
‘Bytheway,whyme?’Olegwhispered.‘WhynotyourfriendDidier,orsomeoneelse?’
‘Youreallywannaknow?’
‘Ofcourse,’hesaid,searchingmyeyes.‘Itcouldbegoodmaterial.’
‘BecauseI’vegotfriendswho’dgowithme,buttheymightgethurt,andI’dfeelbadaboutthat,butIwon’tfeelbadifyougethurt.Youseethat,right?’
‘Iseethat,’hewhispered,grinninghappily.‘Andit’saverygoodreason.IfIwasinthesamespot,I’dbuyyourlife,too.’
‘I’mnotbuyingyourlife,Dostoevsky.I’mbuyingyourtime,inafight.Areweclear?’
‘Clear,’hesaidcheerfully.‘I’mgladwehadthistalk.’
‘Well,here’sanothertalk.Ifyougonearmygirlfriend,I’llcutyou.’
‘You’vegotagirlfriend?’hewhispered,incredulously.
‘What’sthatsupposedtomean?’
‘Well…’
‘IfyoumakeaRussian-writermoveonher,I’llcutyou.’
‘Igotthecuttingpartthefirsttime,’hewhispered.‘It’snotsomethingyouforget.’
Hewasgrinningatme,andIcouldn’treadit.Hewaseitheraprettyhappyguy,whereverhewas,ortherewassomethingheknewthatIdidn’tknow.
‘What?’Ifrowned.
‘You’vereallygotagirlfriend?’heasked.
‘KeepyourRussianepicawayfromher.’
‘Igotit,Igotit,’hegrinned.
‘Whatareyougrinningabout?’
‘It’sjustsomuchfun,todosomeshitworthwritingaboutwithanotherwriter.Weshouldworkonashortstorytogether,afterthis.I’vegotsomegreatideas.’
‘Willyoucutitout.Wecouldgetseriouslyfuckeduphere.ThisIrishguy’scrazy,andtungstenhard.Staysharp.’
‘Okay,okay,takeiteasy.I’vegottwelvethousandbucksinvestedinthis.Let’sfuckuptheIrishmanandhisfriends,andgetdrunk.’
Hestartedsprintingtowardfactory4A,alone.Russians.
Isprintedafterhimandcaughthimoutsidetheentrance.Weslippedaroundthesideofthehuge,curvedhuttosneakaglimpseinaraisedwindow.
Concannonwastherewithtwomen,playingcardsonthebonnetofanimmaculateredPontiacLaurentian,partiallyobscuredbyasilverdustcover.
‘Areyougood?’Iwhispered.
‘Goodforwhat?’Olegwhisperedback.‘What’stheplan?’
‘WewalkinthroughthedoorandIchallengetheIrishman.’
‘Don’tyouthinkweshouldsneakin?’
‘IfIwasasneak-inguy,Iwould’vebroughtagun.’
‘Youdidn’tbringagun?’
Iopenedthedoorandwalkedintotheemptyfactory.Olegwasastepbehindmeaswecrossedthefloor.WestoppedafewstepsfromConcannonandhisfriends.
TheAfghan’shandswereinhislap.TheIndian’shandswereinhislap.Ididn’tknowiftheyhadgunsornot.
IknewwhereConcannon’shandswere.Theywereapplauding.
‘You’remorefunthanadrunknun,’heapplauded.‘Iheardyouweredead.Iseeitwasjustaviciousrumour.’
‘Let’sdothis,’Isaid.‘Justyouandme,alone.’
‘Isitafightyouwant,boyo?’
Hewasstillgrinning.I’dlearnedhowmuchyoucancometodislikeahappygrin.
‘Iwantyoutostopallyourshit,andstayawayfromme,andmyfriends.Ifyouagreetothat,I’llsitdown,andbeatyourassatpoker.’
‘AndifIdon’t?’
Coldstarsfilteredthroughwetlightglitteredinhiseyes.
‘Thenit’syouandme,righthere,rightnow,andwe’llsettlethis,onceandforall.’
Heleanedbackinhisplasticchair,andsmiled.
‘Putyourgunonhim,Govinda,’hesaidquietly.
ItwastheIndianguywhohadthegun.TheAfghanstoodup,hiscardsstillinhishand.
‘Yes,boss,’Govindasaid.
‘Getup,Govinda,andstandbesidehisfriend.’
‘Yes,boss.’
Govindastoodup,andmovedawayfromthecar.
‘KeepyourgunontheAustralianconvictasyouwalk,lad,’Concannonwarned.‘He’sanaughtyone.Ifhemovesaninch,shoothim.’
‘Yes,boss,’Govindasaid,smilingatme.
Hiseyesshonelikeopalsinthehalf-lightofthefactory.WhenhereachedOleg,heshovedthegunintohisstomach.Olegwasstillsmiling.ItlookedlikeIwastheonlyguyintheplacewhowasn’tsmiling.
‘Icomeinhere,mantoman,andyoupullagun?’Isaid.
Hewasstung,becausewebothknewIwasright.Thefightwasrisinginhim,fast.
‘Justalittleinsurance,’hesaid,controllinghisrage.
‘Youdothisthewrongway,Concannon,wewon’tbetheonlyoneswhodie.’
Isaiditforthebenefitofthepaidhands,theAfghanandIndianhenchmen.
‘Govindawillcertainlydie,’Isaid.‘AndtheAfghan,too.’
IturnedtotheAfghan.
‘Salaamaleikum,’Isaid.
Hewouldn’treply.
‘Salaamaleikum,’Isaid,insistingononeofthekindestIslamicteachings,thatagenuinegreetingofpeaceshouldalwaysbemetwithanequalorbettergreeting.
‘Waaleikumsalaam,’hesaid,atlast.
‘What’syourname?’
Heopenedhismouthtospeak,butConcannoncuthimoff.
‘Don’ttellhimthat,youheathenhalf-wit.He’sjustfuckin’withyourmind,don’tyousee?He’sgonenative,soheknowsnativetalk.Butit’salljusttofuckwithyourfragileheathenminds.Watchamaster,whileIfuckwithhismind.’
Hestoodupandwalkedaroundthefrontofthecartostandclosetome.
‘Ifhedoesanythingatall,’hesaidtoGovinda,‘shoothisfriend.I’llhelpyoucutthebodyupmeself,lateron.’
‘Yes,boss.’
Hestoodoppositeme,swayingfromsidetosideslowly,hislipspressedintotheshellofasmile.
‘Iknowwhatyouwanttoknow,’hesaid,standingclosetome.
‘Iwantyoutostop.That’sall.’
‘Ha!No,youdon’t.Youwanttheanswertoaveryimportantquestion.’
‘Whatthefuckareyoutalkingabout?’
‘Aquestion,’hesangatme.‘Aquestion,aquestion.’
‘Spititout.’
‘Mindmywords,Govinda!’hecommanded,lookingatme.‘Ifhemakesamoveonme,killhisfriend.I’lltakecareofthiscunt.’
‘Yes,boss.’
‘Youonlyreallywanttoknowonething,’hesaid,leaninginclose.‘DidIfuckher,thatsweetlittleAmericangirlfriendofyours,beforeIleftRanjitwithherthatnight,ordidn’tI?’
Veinsworkedtheirclottedwayupwardfrommyclenchedjawthroughmyeyesandintomyforehead.Iwassweatingwiththeragetohurthim.Itwassomethingelse,somethingdifferent,somethingIhadn’tbroughtthroughthedoorwithme.WhenheputLisaintheroom,Iwasfightingforher.
‘Youknow,Concannon,’Isaid,bitingbacktomakehimfightback.‘IftheGreatFaminedidn’tstarvetheEnglishoutofyou,it’sbecauseyou’rereallyjustanEnglishman,withanIrishaccent.’
Herushedatmythroat,butIdodgedawayandbackedofftowardthecar.
‘Whydon’twejustdothis?’Isaid,looseningup.‘Myguessis,you’realltalk.Let’sfindout,andgetthisoverwith.Ifyoukickmyass,andyou’repreparedtoshakeandbefriends,I’llbehappytoadmityou’rethebetterman.IfIwin,youstaythefuckawayfrommeandmine.Soundfairtoyou,Govinda?’
‘Yes,boss,’heansweredautomatically.
‘Shutup,youfool,’Concannonsnapped.
‘Ithinkyourgunmanhashisconscienceonsafety,’Isaid.‘Let’sdothiswithoutagun,Concannon.Soundfairtoyou,Govinda?’
‘Shutup!’Concannonshouted.‘Shutupeverybody!’
Helookedmeupanddownforawhile.
AmIright?AmIright,now,whenIlookbacktothatsmileonmyenemy’sface,andseereluctance,inamanwholovedtofight?
‘Okay,ifit’safightyouwant,Convict,thenyou’vecometotherightplace.Youdon’tmindifIplayalittlemusic,doya?Ialwaysplaymusic,whenI’mbeatin’amanblackandblue.I’vebeenthinkingofbringin’outanalbum,ofmyfavouritehits,like.’
Hesnappedonadiscplayer,connectedtospeakersinthecar.IrishmusickickedfromtheredPontiac.Concannonshapedup,hishandsinfront,onguard.
‘Let’shaveatyou,then,’hesaid.
Iranathim,fallingtotheground,andpunchingathisthigh,exactlywhereAbdullahhadshothim.IgotintwohardshotsasIpassed.Heyelpedinpain,anddroppedhisknee.
Iscrambledup,andshovedinunderhisguard,reachingupforoneofhiseyes.Ilethimswingatthebackofmyhead.Ifelttheblowshit,butdidn’tfeelanypain.Iclosedmyfingers,diggingintohiseyesocket.
Hejerkedawayquickly.Iscratchedonesocketenoughtomakehimcloseit,blinkingblood.
Oneeyeclosed,onekneebent,heswungatmeinacombinationfromhabit,justasNaveenhadwarnedme.Idodged,ducked,andcameincloseenoughtoputmyfingersinhiscollarbone.Ipulleditdown,puttingallmybodyweightinadeadfalltothefloor.Thebonecamelooseandhescreeched,hisarmswayinginthepain.
Prisonfightingisn’taboutfighting.Prisonfightingisaboutwinning,anddead.
‘So,it’slikethat,isit?’heasked,tryingtodanceawayfromme,andrubbingathiseye.
‘Yeah.It’slikethat.’
Hedancedbackagain,butIdroppedtothefloorandgrabbedathisballs,twistingasIfell.Ididn’tletgo.Hefellawkwardly,tryingtoprotecthislegacy
Iscrambledtomyknees,andhithimashardasIcould.Itwasn’tenough,soIhithimagain.
Heswayedinplace,sittingonthefloor.Hewaslaughing,andstillholdinghisballswithhisgoodhand.Helaughed,rockingbackandforthlikeababyonablanket.
‘Youcheated,asthismanismywitness,’hesaid,pointingatOleg.
‘Andthatpieceofleadyouhitmewithlasttime?Whatwasthat,MarquessofLondonderryrules?Thetwenty-four-hourcontractyouputonmylife?Thatwasfairandsquare?Thisisyourchancetoshutupandlistenforachange.Leavemealone,Concannon.’
‘Youcheated,son,’hesaid,tryingtolaugh.‘You’llhavetoconfessthatsin,youknow.’
‘Ifyoudon’tstopcomingafterme,I’llhaveabiggersintoconfess.’
‘Youknow,boyo,Ilikedyoualotmorewhenyouweredead,’helaughed,oneeyeclosedandbloody.‘Govinda,shootthisfuckingconvict.Shootthecuntinthehead.’
Ithappenedfast.Govindamovedhishand.Olegpulledaknife,slashedhimacrosstheface,andpulledthegunfromhishandbeforeshockhitthefloor.
Govindascreamedinpain,knowingthathismovie-herofacehadbeenrecast.Oleghithimwithhisowngun,andhewasquiet.
TheAfghanstillhadhiscardsinhishand,likeatinyfan.Ihadmyknifeinmyhand.Oleghadthegun.
‘IfIwereyou,friend,I’drun,’Olegsmiled,thegunathisside.‘Nomatterhowgoodyourhandis.’
TheAfghandroppedhiscardsandran.
‘You’vedislocatedmecollarbone,yacunt,’Concannonsaid,hisheadlollingtotheside.‘Ican’tevenraisemearm.IfIcould,Icouldknockyououtwithasingleblow,webothknowthat.’
‘Leave…me…alone.’
‘Lovely,lovely,lovelyLisa,’hesaid.
Ihithimagain.Hewentbackwardsuntilthefloorstoppedhim,hisarmsathissides,buthewasn’tout.
WhatdoIdo?Ithought.CanIkillhim?Notunlesshe’stryingtokillme.Concannonwaslyingonthefloorwithoneeyeclosedandabustedcollarbone.Hehadn’teventriedtogetup.Hewasstilltalking,though,andchuckling,asifitwasajokehecouldn’tstoptellinghimself.
Olegdidn’tlikeit.Hewantedtogaghim,butIpointedoutthatthekarmicburdenwouldbehis,ifConcannonchokedtodeathonthegag.
Oleghithim,instead,andhewasgoodatit.Concannonslumbered,andwelefthiminthecareoftheinjuredGovinda.Iwarnedhimthathe’dlosemorethanacheek,ifIeversawhiminthesouthagain.
‘I’mtakingyourgun,’Olegtoldhim.‘Ifyouwantitback,I’llkillyouwithit.’
Wejoggedbacktothebikeinsilence.Istoppedhim,whenwereachedit,tothankhim.
‘Thesixthousandfromtonight,’Isaid,handinghimthemoney.‘I’llhavetherest,andabonus,tomorrow.I’llbeatLeo’satfive.Whatyoudidbackthere,Ioweyou.’
‘IwouldhatetoseethatIrishmandrunk,’hesaid,glancingoverhisshoulder
‘IhopeIneverseehimagaininanycondition.Youdidreallygood,Oleg.’
‘Thankyou,’hesaid,smiling.
‘Yousmilealot,don’tyou?’
‘I’mhappy,mostofthetime.It’smycross,butItrytobearitwithgoodhumour.Ihavemysadness,butitdoesn’tstopmefrombeinghappy.Youwanttoworkonashortstorywithme?’
‘Areyoureallyawriter?’
‘Ofcourse.’
‘Thoseweresomeprettysnappylines,backthere.’
‘Lines?’
‘TellingtheAfghantoleave,nomatterhowgoodhishandwas.TellingKrishnathatyou’dkillhimwithhisowngun.’
‘Russianmovies,’hesaid,frowning.‘Youmean,youdon’tknowdialoguefromRussianmovies?You’llloveit.It’sgreatmaterial.’
WerodebacktoColaba.IshookOleg’shand,andlefthimoutsideatouristhotel,onthestrip.
Vanityhidesinpride.IleftOlegstandingbythesideoftheroad,afterhe’dsavedmylife,tellingmyselfthatIdidn’tneedanyone,notevenagoodmanlikehim.ButthetruthwasthatIlefthimbecauseIlikedhim,andknewthatKarlawouldprobablylikehimasmuchasIdid,ormore.It’sashame,myshame,toadmitit,butIleftthatgoodmanonthestreetbecauseIwasalittlejealousofhim,andKarlahadn’tevenmethim.ChapterSixty-One
IhadtofindAbdullah.Ihadtoknowwhateverhehadorhadn’tdonewithConcannon.IrodetotheNabilamosque,andNullBazaar,andalltheotherplaceswhereAbdullahfoundcomfortinthecomradeshipofhardcorecriminals.Iwasangry.Myfistswerebleeding.Iwasn’tpolite,eventopeopleIliked.
‘Where’sAbdullah?’Iasked,againandagain,theengineofmybikegrowling.
Hardmenwhoputtheirlivesonthelinedemandrespect,andtherewassomeblowback.
‘Fuckyou,Lin.Youwannalookdownmygun?Hemightbehidinginthere.’
‘Fuckyou.Where’sAbdullah?’
Ifoundhimsingingatanall-nightfestivalofSufisingers.TheyweredoingalongchantofAliMunna,andIknewitcouldgoonforhours,thesingerspassingchillumsinglowingbatoncircles.
IcaughtAbdullah’seye,andhestoodatonce,threadinghisbarefeetdelicatelyamongtheseatedsingers.
Wewalkedoutsidetoadusty,gravelparkingarea,borderedbytrees.
‘Salaamaleikum,’hesaid,greetingmewithakissonthecheek.
‘Waaleikumsalaam.Whatthefuck,Abdullah?DidyoukillsomeonewiththatIrishman,Concannon?Isthatwhyyoushothimtwice,thatday?Toshuthimup?’
‘Comewithme,’Abdullahsaidgravely,leadingmebythearm.
Wewalkedafewpacestoaspacebeneathawidearchofmagnoliabranches,dancingtheoccasionalbreezeinslowtime.Wesatonarowoflargestones,leftintheopenspaceasbarriersforparkedcars.
Thesingerscontinuedinthetent,afewmetresaway.Acrow,outtoolateortooearly,calledfromabranchaboveourheads.
Twobrightlightsstrungonatraceryofwiresshowedtheentrancetothesingers’tent.Itwasanimpromptudevotion,assembledfromtimetotimeindifferentplaces,whereverpermissionwasgiven,anddisassembledwithoutatracesoonafterdawneachtime.
Itwaspeaceful,andsafe,becauseeveryonebelievedthattodisturbsuchpuredevotion,oncebegun,wouldbringacurseonsevengenerations.Itwasariskthatno-onewaswillingtotake,notevenrivalgangsters.Sometimes,it’stheunborngenerationsthatprotectus.
‘WetookcontractsfromoutsideourownCompany,’Abdullahbegan.‘ItwasSanjay’sdecision.Ithinkthathehadpoliticalmotives,butthatisonlymythought.Thefirstjobwasthekillingofabusinessman.’
Hestopped,andIgavehimtime.I’driddenalongway,andithadbeenahardday’snightmare.
‘TheIrishmanwasofferinghimselftoeveryCompany.Sanjayhiredhim,andsentmewithhim,toseethatitwentwell.’
Hestoppedagain.
‘Butitdidn’tgowell,’Iprompted.
‘Hiswifeanddaughterwereathome.Theywerenotsupposedtobethere.Theysawus,andcouldidentifyus,butIcouldnotkillthem.’
‘Ofcoursenot.’
‘But…Concannonkilledthem,andIlethimkillthem,andIlistenedtoit,ashedidit,andIamcursedbyit.’
Abdullah,Abdullah,invincibleAbdullah.Ifelthimslippingawayfromme,aslovedoes,sometimes,whenthebridgeistoofar,andtheearthonthewaytoitbecomessand.
‘Whathaveyoudone,man?’
‘Hecuttheirthroats,’hesaid.
‘Oh,God.’
‘Itwasinallthenewspapers.Youmusthaveseenit.’
Husbandstrangled,wifeanddaughterkilled,moneystolen:Irememberedthestory.Irememberednotlikingthestory.
‘Afterthat,’Abdullahsaid,‘ItoldConcannonthatifIeversawhimagain,Iwouldkillhim.IcuthisconnectiontotheCompany,andSanjaysentourcontractstotheCycleKillers,instead.’
‘Whydidn’tyoutellme?Theguyputacontractoutonme,forfuck’ssake.’
‘Iwasashamed,’hesaid.
‘Ashamed?’
Ashamed.Iknewshame.Andhewasmybrother,andbrotherhoodhasnosky.
‘Youshould’vetoldme,Abdullah.We’rebrothers.’
‘But,ifyouhadshunnedme,formyshamefulacts?’
Fatemakesyouajudge,asoftenasyou’rejudged.Iwasanescapedconvict,doingblackmarketbusinessonthestreets,andAbdullahliftedmetothebench,gavelinhand.Iwantedtohithimwithit.
‘Youshould’vetoldme.’
‘Iknow,’hesaid,hanginghishead.
‘Nomoresecrets,’Isaid.‘YouandDidier,Iswear,youloveyoursecrets,bothofyou.’
‘Nomoresecrets,’herepeated.
‘Onyouroath,asasoldier?’
‘Onmyoath.’
‘Good.Keepyoureyesopen.IvisitedConcannontonight,andhe’lleitherbackoff,orhe’llcomeoutofthecavebiting.’
‘Youwentwithoutme?’
‘Iwasokay.Ihadsomehelp.’
‘Didyoubeathim?’Abdullahasked,brighteningagain.
‘Itgotmessy.Keepyourheadup.’
‘Iamproudofyou,Lin,’hesaid.
‘Thatmakesoneofus,’Isaid.‘Itshouldn’thavehappened,buthe’sahardmantoreasonwith.’
‘Shallwegoin,andjoininthesinging?’hesuggested.
‘Thanks,butnothanks.I’vegottagethome.Karlamightbethere.Seeyousoon,brother.’
IrodebacktowardtheIslandCity,swingingthroughlong,wideMarineDrivebeforeheadingbacktotheAmritsarhotel.Theroadwasdeserted.Theseawallwasdeserted.Thehousesonmyleftweresleeping,sendingpeaceintotheocean.
ThenIsawaman,playingtheguitar.Hewassittingunderastreetlightinthepartitiononthecentreoftheboulevard.
ItwasOleg.Ipulledupbesidehim.
‘Whatareyoudoing?’
‘Playingtheguitar,’hesaidhappily.
‘Whyareyouplayingtheguitarinthemiddleoftheroad?’
‘Theacousticsareperfecthere,’hesmiled,infuriatingly.‘Theseabehindme,andthebuildingsinfront.It’sperfect.Doyouplayguitar?Weshouldplayheretogether.Wecould–’
IrodeawayandreachedNarimanPointbeforeIturnedback,anddrewupbesidehimagain.
‘Youwannagetdrunk?’Iasked,thebikerumbling.
‘Withyou?’heasked,suspiciously.
IrodeawayagainandreachedNarimanPointbeforeIturnedback,anddrewupbesidehimagain.
‘Yes!I’dlovetogetdrunk,’hesaid.
‘Getonthebike,Oleg.’
‘CanIdrive?’
‘Don’tevertalkaboutmymotorcyclelikethatagain.’
‘Okay,’hesaid,climbingupbehindme,theguitarslungathisside.‘Justsolongasweknowwheretheboundariesare.’
‘Hangontight.’
‘Arewegoingtofightsomeone,whenwegetdrunk?’
‘No.’
‘Noteveneachother?’
‘Getoffthebike,Oleg.’
‘No,no,’hesaid.‘It’sjustthatI’llstaysoberifwe’regoingtofighteachother,becauseyoufightdirty.’
‘Fuckyou.’
‘WeRussianscan’tfightdirty.That’swhywe’resuchpushovers.’
‘Oleg,ifyousaythewordRussianoncemore,I’llthrowyouoffinacurve.’
‘WhatamIsupposedtosay?I’mRussian,afterall.’
‘Let’scallthemR-people.’
‘Gotit,’hesaid,holdingon.‘WeR-peoplearequickontheuptake.’
Hewasagoodpassenger,anditwasfun,ridingwithhim.IwasinagoodmoodasweparkedthebikeandclimbedthestairstomyroomsattheAmritsarhotel.
Justasweapproachedmydoor,Karlaopenedhers,goingsomewhereelse.
Shewasinasleevelesseveningdress,andhighsneakers.Herhairwastwistedintoaknot,andfixedwithaswordfishrib-boneshe’dboughtatthefishmarket.She’dcleanedit,polishedit,andfixedoneofherjewelledringstothewiderend.Itreflectedthelightsoftheroombehindher.
‘Wow,’Olegsaid,peeringintotheBedouintent.
‘Karla,thisisOleg.He’saRussianwriter,andagoodmaninabadcorner.Oleg,thisisKarla.’
Karlalookedmeupanddown,herheadtiltinglikethewomanintheglitteringblackburkhaintheTuareg’shouseofarches.Somethingwaswrong:morewrongthanusual.ShelookedatOleg.Shesmiled.
‘Badcorners,huh?’
‘Karla,’Olegsaid,kissingherhand.‘Whatalovelyname.Ihaveaspeciallove,andIcallherKarlesha.It’smylovenameforher.It’sanhonourtomeetyou.AndifIflirtwithyou,yourboyfriendsayshewillcutme.’
‘Oh,hewill,huh?’Karlasmiled.
‘Youknowwhat,’Isaid,‘OlegandIcameheretonighttogetdrunk,inmyroom.It’sbeenalongnight.Aroughnight.Wouldyouliketojoinus?’
‘WouldIliketo,orwouldIbewillingto?’
‘Karla.’
‘It’safairquestion,’Olegsaid.
Ilookedathim.
‘I’monlysaying…’
‘No,thanks,’Karlasaid,switchingoffthelights,slammingshutthedoortoherroomandlockingseverallocks.‘But,youknowwhat,I’vegotanofferforyou,Oleg.’
Sheturnedtofacehim,allsixteenqueens.
‘Whatkindofanoffer?’Olegaskedamiably.
‘Weneedfieldagents,andyoulookright.’
‘Fieldagents?’
‘Let’sopenthatbottleofoblivion,Oleg,’Isuggested.‘Andgetdrunk.’
‘We’vegotabureau,onedooralongfrommine,’Karlasaid,leaningagainstthedoorframe.‘Andweneedfieldagentswithspike.Haveyougotspike,Oleg?’
‘Icanbespiky,’Olegsaid.‘ButwhatmakesyouthinkI’vegottherightstuff?’
Shejerkedherthumbatme.
‘Hewouldn’tintroduceyoutome,ifyoudidn’t.Areyouin?’
Helookedatme.
‘Willyoucutme,ifIaccept?’
‘Ofcoursehewon’t,’Karlasaid.
HelookedbackatKarla.
‘Great!’Olegsaid.‘Firedandemployedtwice,inthesameday.IknewI’dgetrichinthiscity.WhendoIstart?’
‘Ten,’Karlasaid.‘Putonaniceshirt.’
Olegsmiledengagingly.Karlasmiledback.IwantedtochokeOlegwithaniceshirt.
‘Okay,’Isaid.‘So,I’llseeyousoon.’
Iwenttokissher,tohugher,tosmelltheocean,togohome,butsheheldmeback,herhandsonmychest.
‘Goinside,Oleg,’Isaid,throwinghimthekeys.
Heopenedthedoor,andgasped.
‘Holyminimalism,’hesaid,alonewithmydecor.‘It’sSolzhenitsyninhere,man!’
‘What’sgoingon,Karla?’Iaskedher,whenwewerealonewithwhateverwasgoingon.
Shelookedatmyfaceasifitwasamaze,andshe’dfoundherwayoutofitbefore.Shestaredatmylips,myforehead,andmyeyes.
‘I’mgoingawayforacoupleofweeks,’shesaid.
‘Where?’
‘Doyouknowthatit’slovableandmaddeningatthesametime,thatIknewyou’daskmethat?’
‘Stoptryingtoputmeoff.Whereareyougoing?’
‘Youdon’twanttoknow,’shesaid,burningqueens.
‘Idowanttoknow.Iwannaknowwheretobreakthedoordown,ifyouneedme.’
Shelaughed.Peoplelaughsooften,whenI’mbeingserious.
‘I’mgonnaspendacoupleweekswithKavita,’shesaid.‘Alone.’
‘Whatthehell?’Isaid,speakingmythink.
Shecockedherheadtothesideagain.
‘Areyoujealous,Shantaram?’
Iwasn’t.Ithinkback,now,andIknowIwasmorejealousoftheRussianwriter,becausehewasaprettycoolguy,thanIwasofKavita.
ButKavitahadspokenharmatme,andIsuddenlyrealisedthatitstillhurtme.Karlawasn’tgoingtoanotherlover,inmymind:shewasgoingtosomeonewhohatedme.
Ididn’ttellKarlathen,thatnight,whatKavitahadsaidtome.Ishould’vesaidsomething.Ishould’vetoldher.Butithadbeenaroughnight.
‘MadameZhoupaidavisittothealleyunderthisbuilding,andwarnedmetostayawayfromKavita.Doyoureallythinkit’ssafetobegoingawaywithher?’
‘Whatdoyouwantfromme?’shesnapped,allfireandfuriouspride.
‘WhatIwantistobetheclosestthingtoyou,Karla.It’sasinforyoutousethatagainstme.Stopplayinggameswithme.Tellmetoleaveyoualone,ortellmetoloveyou,witheverythingI’vegot.’
Shewasstung.Ihadn’tseenitoften:areactioninherfaceorherbodythatshecouldn’thide.
‘Itoldyoubeforeabouttrustingme,andhowitmightgethardertodo.’
‘Karla,don’tgo.’
‘I’mstayingwithKavita,’shesaid,turningawayfromme.‘Don’twaitup.’
Shewalkedaway.Iwatchedhertothestairs,andthenracedthroughmyapartmenttocatchaglimpseofherasshewalkedtothetaxistandatMetrocinema.
Olegcametostandbesideme.Shegotinataxi,andshewasgone.
‘You’vegotitbad,bro,’Olegsaidsympathetically.‘Yourvodkaisshit,bytheway,butyourrumisokay.Drinkup.’
‘Igottagetclean,first,’Isaid.‘I’llleavetheshowerreadyforyou.Makeyourselfathome.’
Hecastaglancearoundhimatthesparseroom,thewoodenfloorsgleaminglikethelidonalacqueredcoffin.
‘Okay,’hesaid.
Istoodintheshower,turningitoninbursts,fitsandstarts.Thewaterinourbuildingwascarriedintrucks,andpumpedupwardsintogravityfeedtanksontheroof.Everyoneinthebuildingsharedthosetanks.
Tryingnottowastewater,Ishuttheshowerofffromtimetotime,leaningagainstthewalluntileverythingthathadhappenedwithConcannoncamebacksohardthatIshuddered,retching,andturnedonthehealingwateragain.
Intheworldwecreatedforourselves,it’salietobeaman,andalietobeawoman.Awomanisalwaysmorethananyideaimposedonher,andamanisalwaysmorethananydutyimposedonhim.Menempathise,andwomenleadarmies.Menraiseinfants,andwomenexploretheexosphere.We’renotonethingortheother:we’reveryinterestingversionsofeachother.Andmen,too,cryintheshower,sometimes.
Ittookmeawhiletoscrubtheemotionfrommyface.Afterwards,whileOlegshowered,Icleanedmygunasmeditation,andstasheditinahiddenshelfbesidemybed.
‘Yoursoapisshit,’Olegsaid,dryinghimselfoff.‘I’llgetyousomeR-soap.Itwillscrapethebarnaclesoffyou.’
‘I’mrelativelybarnacle-free,’Isaid,offeringhimthebottle.‘AndIlikemysoap.’
Heofferedmethebottleback,andIdrankandoffereditback,andhedrankandoffereditagain,andIdrankitback.
‘That’smyT-shirt,’Inoticed,mid-swappery.
‘Ihopeyoudon’tmind,’hesaid.‘It’ssonicetoputonsomethingclean.Ilivedinthelastonethroughageologicalage.’
‘Keepit,’Isaid.‘I’vegotanotherone,wherethatonecamefrom.’
‘Isawthat.Andtwopairsofjeans.Youtravellight,man.IfIborrowapairofyours,doyoumindifIrollthebottomsup?Ireallylikethatlook.’
‘RollthemuptotheUrals,Oleg.Butturndownthesmiling.Ifwegetanydrinkierthanthis,it’llstarttofreakmeout.’
‘Gotit,man.Smilingless.WeR-peoplearenothingifnotadaptive.Doyouhavemusic?’
‘I’mawriter,’Isaid,passingbackthebottle.‘OfcourseIhavemusic.’
IhadaCDsystem,wiredintoaftermarketBollywoodspeakers.IlikedthewaytheyblendedeverythingIplayedintothesamesound-ocean,thesamewhaleofsignalsfromsomenotentirelyair-breathingplace.
‘Yoursystemisshit,’hesaid.
‘You’reacriticalmotherfucker,Oleg.’
‘Actually,I’mjustmakingmentalnotes,youknow,ofthingsIgetforyouthatarebetterthanshit.’
‘Whaddayawannahear,Oleg?’
‘GotanyClash?’
IplayedCombatRock,andhejumpeduptograbhisguitar.
‘Cuttothelasttrack,“DeathIsaStar”,’hesaid.‘Iknowhowtoplaythat.Let’splayittogether.’
WestrummedRussian–Australian–Indianacoustictogether,jammingwiththefarawayClashinahotelroominBombay.Weplayedthesongagainandagainuntilwegotthetimingjustright,andlaughedlikekidswhenwedid.Andthestringsreopenedthecutsonmyfingers,andbloodfromthefightwithConcannonstainedthebodyofmyguitar.
Wegottoodrunktoplay,andwewerejustbeginningtostopcaringaboutthat,oranythingelse,whenIfoundamessengerinmyroom.Hewasdressedinthekhakiuniformofamessenger,andwasholdingamessageinhishand.
‘Wheredidyoucomefrom?’Iasked,swayingtokeephiminfocus.
‘Fromoutside,sir,’hesaid.
‘Well,that’salrightthen.WhatcanIdoforyou?’
‘Ihaveamessageforyou,sir.’
‘Idon’tlikemessages.’
‘Butit’smyjob,sir.’
‘You’vegotapoint.HowmuchdoIoweyou?’
Ipaidthemessengerandsatdown,lookingatthemessage.Ididn’twanttoreadit.TheEnglishsaynonewsisgoodnews.TheGermanssaynonewsisnobadnews.I’mwiththeGermansonthatone.Somethinginsideme,andIstilldon’tknowifit’sthepartthatsavesmeordamnsme,alwayssaysthatIshouldtearthemessageupbeforereadingit,nomatterwhosentit,andsometimesIdo.ButIhadtoreadit,incaseithadsomethingtodowithKarla.Itdidn’t.ItwasfromGeminiGeorge.
DearLin,oldmate.Scorpandmehavegonejungle.We’researchingforthisguru,toliftthecurse.Naveengaveusagoodlead,andwe’restartingonthecanalsofKarnatakatomorrow.Fingerscrossed.Loveyou,mate.
Ithoughtitwasahappy,hopefulletter,andIwasglad.Ididn’trealisethatitwasacryforhelp.Idroppedtheletteronmytable,putgoodreggaemusiconmybadsoundsystem,andwedanced.Olegdancedforthefunofit,Ithink,butmaybethesmilingRussianhaddemonsofhisowntorelease.IwasthinkingofthefightwithConcannon,andIdancedforabsolutionfromvictory:fordefeatingafoe,andregrettingit.
Themoon,ourlonelysister,filterspainandharmfromsunlight,andreflectsitbacktoussafely,freeofburnandblemish.Wedancedinmoonlightonthebalconythatnight,OlegandI,andwesangandshoutedandlaughed,hardeningourselvestowhatwe’ddoneinlife,andwhatwe’dlost.Andthemoongracedtwofallenfools,onafallenday,withsunlightpurifiedbyamirrorinthesky,madeofstone.PartEleven
ChapterSixty-Two
Olegmovedin.Heaskedifhecouldsleeponmycouch,andIagreed,whichmeantthatIhadtobuyacouch.Hewentwithme,andittookhimalongtimetomakeupmymind.Theonehechosewasingreenleatherandlongenoughtostretchouton,whichheoftendid,soonafteritwasdelivered.
Whenhewasn’tafieldagent,withspike,chasingdownlostloveswithNaveenandDidier,hewasonthecouch,hishandsfoldedacrosshischest,andtalkingissuesoutofhisownpsychologicalsteppes.TheTuaregwould’velovedit.
‘Didyousaythatyoucouldchangeyourdreams,theotherday?’heaskedme,stretchedoutonthecouch,aweekafterhestartedatthebureau.‘Actuallyinthedream,whileyou’redreamingit?’
‘Ofcourse.’
‘Youmean,whileyou’redreaming,andcompletelyasleep,youcanalterthecourseofyourdream?’
‘Yes.Can’tyou?’
‘No.Idon’tthinkmanypeoplecan.’
‘Letmeputitthisway,anightmareisadreamIcan’tcontrol,andadreamisanightmareIcancontrol.’
‘Wow.Howdoesitwork?’
‘I’mwritingastoryhere,Oleg.’
‘Oh,sorry,’hesaid,hisbarefeettappingagainstoneanotherattheotherendofthecouch.‘Gobacktowork.Uttersilencefromme.’
Iwasworkingonanewstory.I’dthrownthehappystoryaway.Itdidn’tendwell.IwassketchingsomeparagraphsaboutAbdullah,andthinkingaboutacoupleofstoriesbuiltaroundhim.Therewereeaglesofnarrativeinhim,eachtaleawingedcontradiction,butI’dneverwrittenanythingabouthim.
ThatafternoonIfeltcompelledtocapturehim,topainthimwithwords,andthewritingcamefast.Paragraphsbloomedlikehydrangeasonthepagesofmyjournal.
YearsafterthatsunnyafternoonattheAmritsarhotel,awritertoldmethatitwasbadluckfortheliving,towriteabouttheliving.Ididn’tknowthatthen,andIwashappy,inthepagesIhadonAbdullah:happyenoughtoforgetaboutthreatsandfelonies,enemieswhohideinasmile,KavitaandKarla,andeverythingintheworld,solongasnothingdisturbedme,andIcouldkeepwriting.
‘What’sthestoryabout?’Olegasked.
Iputthependown.
‘It’samurdermystery,’Isaid.
‘What’sitabout?’
‘It’saboutawriter,whokillssomeoneforinterruptinghimwhilehe’swriting.Youwannaknowthemysterypart?’
Heswunghislegsaround,andsatwithhisforearmsonhisthighs.
‘Ilovemysteries,’hesaid.
‘Themysteryiswhyittookthewritersolong.’
‘Sarcasm,’hesaid.‘YoushouldreadLermontov.TheCaucasusisnotoriousforitssarcasm.’
‘Youdon’tsay?’Isaid,pickingupthepen.
‘Canyoureallychangeyourdreams?’
Thepeninmyhanddriftedtowardhim,hoveringabovemyelbowonthedesk.Iwashopingthatitwouldturnintoacaduceus,andIcoulduseittomakehimgotosleep.
‘Imean,howdoesthatwork?I’dlovetochangemydreams.Ihavesomedreams,youknow,thatI’dreally,reallyliketoputonrepeat.’
Iclosedthepen,closedthejournalandgottwocoldbeers,throwingonetohim.Isatbackinmychair,andraisedmycaninatoast.
‘Tomysteries,’Isaid.
‘Tomysteries!’
‘Now,sitback,relax,andtellmewhat’sup,Oleg.’
‘YourKarla,’hesaid,takingasipofbeer.‘Iknowwhatyou’refeeling,becauseIhavemyKarlesha,backinMoscow.’
‘Whyaren’tyoubackinMoscow?’
‘Idon’tlikeMoscow,’hesaid,takinganothersip.‘I’maStPetersburgboy.’
‘Butyoulovethegirl.’
‘Yes.Butshehatesme.’
‘Shehatesyou?’
‘Hatesme.’
‘Howdoyouknow?’
‘Shepaidherfathertohavemekilled.’
‘Shehadtopayhim?Whatishe,abanker?’
‘No,he’sacop.Aprettybigcop.’
‘Whathappened?’
‘It’salongstory,’hesighed,lookingtowardthebreezeofwhitecurtains,flutteringonthesunlitbalcony.
‘Fuckyou,Oleg.Youkilledmyshortstory.Youcanfillthespacewithyourlongstory.’
Helaughedbitterly.Oneofourpurestexpressions,athingofourhumankind:thebitterlaugh.
‘Isleptwithhersister,’hesaid,staringathisbeer.
‘Okay.Notclassy,butthereareworsethingsthatpeopledotopeople’ssisters.’
‘No,it’scomplicated.They’retwins.Non-identicaltwins.’
‘Whereareyougoingwiththis,Oleg?’
Therewasacallfromthehallway.ItwasDidier.
‘Hello?Areyouhome,Lin?’hesaid,ashewalkedthroughtheopendoor.
‘Didier!’Isaidhappily.‘Grabaseat,andhaveabeer.Olegisventuringintoterritorybeyondmycouch,andyou’rejustthemantoguidetheway.’
‘Lin,IamafraidthatIhavemanyappointments,and–’
‘MygirlfriendinMoscowhatesme,’Olegsaidflatly,helplessly,‘becauseshe’sanon-identicaltwin,andIsleptwithherandhernon-identicalsister,atthesametime.’
‘Fascinating,’Didiersaid,settlinghimselfintoachair.‘Ifitisnotanindelicatequestion,Oleg,didtheyhavethesame…aroma?’
‘Indelicate?’Imocked.‘You,Didier?’
‘Funnyyoushouldsaythat,’Olegmuttered,searchingDidier’sface.‘Theydidhavethesamesmell.Exactlythesamesmell.Imean,thesamesmell…everywhere.’
‘Thatisindeedararephenomenon,’Didiermused.‘Exceedinglyrare.Didyouhappentonoticethelengthoftheirringfingers,comparedtotheirindexfingers?’
‘Canwegettothepartwhereherfathertriedtokillyou?’Isuggested,thinkingthatIhadwritingtodo.
‘Marvellous,’Didiersaid.‘Triedtokillyou,eh?’
‘Sure.See,ithappenedthisway.IwasinlovewithElena,andnothingeverhappenedbetweenmeandhersister,Irina,untilonenight,whenIwasverydrunk,totallyrazbit.’
‘Razbit?’Didierasked.
‘Smashed,man,Iwastotallysmashed,andIrinasneakedintomybed,naked,whileElenawasattheneighbour’splace.’
‘Wonderful,’Didierenthused.
‘Itwascompletelydark,’Olegcontinued.‘Verydark.Wehadblackoutblindsonthewindows.ShesmelledlikeElena.ShefeltlikeElena.’
‘Didshekissyou?’Didierasked,amasterofsexualforensics.
‘No.Andshedidn’tspeak.’
‘Precisely.Thatwouldhavegivenheraway.She’saclevergirl.’
‘Elenadidn’tthinkso,whenshecameback,switchedthelighton,andfoundusmakinglove.’
‘Notalkingyourwayoutofthatone,’Isaid.
‘Shethrewmeoutofmyownapartment,’hesaid.‘I’mnotsurethat’sevenlegal.Imean,I’mstillpayingtherentfromhere.Andherfatherputupthethreatofprisonbars,betweenmeandthewomanIlove.’
‘Idon’tthinkElenafeltveryloved,Oleg.’
‘No,’hesaid.‘ImeanIrina.Whenwemadelove,drunkandallasIwas,itwasthebestthingthateverhappenedtome.Shewasamaniac,inalltherightways.Iwasmadforher.Istillam.’
‘Marvellous,’Didiersmiled.‘Butwhathappened?’
‘ImanagedtogetamessagetoIrina,askinghertorunawaywithme.Sheagreed,andweplannedtomeetatmidnight,atPaveletskyTerminal.ButshetoldElenaourplans,andElenacametoseeme,askingmenottotakeIrinaaway.Italkedtoher,butIrefused.ImetIrinaatthestation,andwewererunningawaytogether,thenshestoppedmeandaskedmeifIwasreallysurethatitwasherIloved,andnothertwin.’
Hepaused,searchingfortherightwaythroughhishedgeofrecollection.
‘Yes?’Didierasked,stampinghisfootalittle.‘Whathappened?’
‘Wewerestandingtogether,intheshadows.SheaskedmehowIcouldbesosurethatitwasreallyherandnotElenathatIloved.And,youknowthatmomentwhenawomanasksyouforthetruth?Andyouknow,youreally,clearlyknowthatit’sthelastthingyoushoulddo?’
‘Yeah,’webothagreed.
‘Itoldthetruth.’
‘Howbad?’Iasked.
‘ItoldherthatIwasabsolutelysurethatitwasherIloved,becausejusttobecompletelycertain,IhadsleptwithElenaagain,whenshe’dcometoseeme,twohoursbefore.Anditwasnothing,withElena.Ihardlyenjoyeditatall.So,IwascertainthatIrinawastheoneforme,anditwasn’tjustthefactthatIwasprettydrunkthatnight,andIkindofhallucinatedhowgoodshewas.’
‘Oh,shit.’
‘Merde,’Didieragreed.
‘Shetookaswingatme,’hesaid.
‘Iwanttoswingatyoumyself,’Didiersaid.‘Itisadisgracetotellanywomantheunembellishedtruth.’
‘Youdugthatgraveyourself,Oleg,’Ilaughed.‘Andneitheroneforgaveyou?’
‘Theirfatherputprofessionalbadpeopleonmycase.Ihadtorun,andrunfast.’
‘Toughbreak,’Isaid.‘Servesyouright,forfallinginlovewithapoliceman’sdaughters.’
IturnedtoDidier,whowassittingbackinhischair,hislegscrossed,andhishandsupportinghischin.
‘Anyadvice?’
‘Didierhasasolution,’hedeclared.‘YoumustweartwoofthoseT-shirts,thatcommonpeoplewear,underyourshirt,fortwoweeks.Youmustnotwashwithsoap,orhairproducts.Onlywater.Youmustnotwearscentofanykind,andyoumustnotbrushagainstanypersonwearingscent.Andyoumustnotwashtheshirts.’
‘Andthen?’Olegasked.
‘AndthenyoumailtheT-shirtsintwopackages,onetoeachofthetwins,withonlytwowordsontheback–Leopold’s,Bombay.’
‘Andthen?’
‘AndthenyougivecopiesofIrina’sphotographtothewaitersatLeopold’s,andofferarewardtothefirstmanwhoidentifiesher,andcallsyou.’
‘Whatmakesyouthinkshe’llcome?’Olegasked.
Hehadthesameexpressionshininginhissmilethatthestudentsonthemountainhad,whentheylistenedtoIdriss.
‘Thescent,’Didiersmiledbackathim.‘Ifsheisyours,thepowerofyourscentwillbringher.Shewillcometoyou,likeapheromonepilgrim.Butonlyifsheisyours,andyouarehers.’
‘Wow,Didier!’Olegsaid,slappinghishandstogether.‘I’llstartrightaway.’
Hejumpedup,pulledmysecondT-shirtfrommywardrobe,andpulleditonovermyotherone,whichhewaswearing.
‘WhyaphotographofIrina,andnotElena?’IaskedDidier.‘Or,whynotphotosofboth?’
‘Thesex,’Didierfrowned.‘Didyounotpayattention?IrinaisElena,withoutinhibitions.’
‘Yougotthatright,’Olegsaid,straighteninghisT-shirts.
‘Exactly,’Didiersaid,sniffingOlegtomakesurehewasn’twearingscent.‘ThesexyouhadwithIrinawasexceptional.DoIneedtosaymore?’
Hestoodup,brushingathissleeves.
‘Myworkisdonehere,’hesaid,pausingatthedoor.‘Dophysicalsport,Oleg.Climbtohigh,dangerousplaces,jumpoffthings,provokeapoliceman,startafightwithabully,andaboveall,flirtwithwomen,buthavesexwithnoneofthem,untilyousendtheshirts.Shemustsmelltigeronyou,andwolf,andape,andamanhungryforsex,andwomenhungryforhim.Bonnechance.’
Hesweptout,flourishinghisgrey-bluescarf.
‘Wow,’Olegsaid.
‘Youknow,’Isaid,‘howIaskedyounottousetheR-wordallthetime?’
‘Yes…’hesaiduncertainly.
‘I’maddingWowtothelist.’
‘There’salist?’
‘Thereisnow.’
‘Shit,there’salistofthingsIcan’tsay,’hegrinned.‘You’remakingmehomesickforMoscow,andIdon’tevenlikeMoscow.’
Hewasright.Alistofthingsnottosay?
‘Youknowwhat,fuckit.Sayanythingyouwant,Oleg.’
‘Youmeanit?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Wow,I’mRussianagain.’
‘Youknowwhat,’Isaid.‘Youwantedtoridemybike,right?’
‘CanI?’
‘Nevergonnahappen.Butthere’sanoldbangerbikedownstairs.Isawherneglecteddownthere,whereIparkmine.ShebelongedtoawaiteratKayani’s.Ididn’tlikehowhewastreatingher,soIboughtheroffhim.I’vebeencleaningherup,thelastcoupleofweeks.’
‘Kruto,’Olegsaid,findinghisshoes.
‘Whatwasthat?’
‘That’sme,notsayingWow.Krutomeansfuckingcool,man.’
‘Kruto?’
‘That’sit.Kruto,man.’
‘Canyouride?’
‘Areyoukidding?’hescoffed,tyinghissneakers.‘WeRussianscanrideanything.’
‘Okay.I’vegottamakesomerounds,andyoucancomewithmeifyoulike,seeingasyouhavethedayoff.’
‘Greatmaterialforastory,’hesaid.‘Thankyou.’
‘Don’tmesswithmymaterial,Oleg.Justride,andobserve,andwipethebreathywindowofrecollectioncleanafterwards,okay?’
‘ButwhatifIfindagreatcharacter,someoneIseeyoutalkingto,someonewho’sreally,youknow,amazinglygood?’
Ithoughtaboutit.Hewasadecentguy.
‘I’llletyouhaveonecharacter,’Isaid.
‘Great!’
‘ButnotHalf-MoonAuntie.’
‘Oh.Shesoundslikeagoodone.’
‘That’swhyyoucan’thaveher.Areyoureadytoride,ornot?’
‘I’mreadyforanything,man.That’smyfamilymotto.’
‘Please,please,don’ttellmeaboutyourRussianfamily.’
‘Okay,okay,butyou’remissingalotofgreatRussiancharacters,andI’dgivethemtoyoufree.’ChapterSixty-Three
Werodetwocircuitsofthesouth,touringtheIslandCityatslowspeeds.Werarelyhadtochangegear,becausewejumpedeveryredlightthatcouldbejumpedwithoutafine,andtookeveryshortcutunknowntoman.
Oleglovedhisvisittotheblackbank.Heaskedthemiftheyhadroomstorent.AndhelovedHalf-MoonAuntie.ShelikedOleg,too:enoughtotakehimthroughtwolunarcycles.
Idraggedhimawayatnineminutesandthirtyseconds,thepairofusslidingawayfromHalf-MoonAuntieinanescapethatgotslower,thefasterwetriedtorun.
NightcontrolledthelightsaswewerecompletingaloopthattookusnearthePresidenthotel,inCuffeParade.Weheardthepersistentblaringofahornbehindus.
Igesturedwithmyrighthand,givingthesignthatitwasokaytopass.Thehornkeptbraying,soIslowedtoastopbeneathacanopyofstreet-litplanetrees,stillvividgreenfromthemonsoonlonggone.
TherewasalanewaybesidemewhereI’dstopped.Itwasanescaperoutethatacarcouldn’tfollow,ifIneededit.Olegpulledupclosebehindme.Alimousinestoppedbesideus.Iputmyhandonaknife.
ThetintedwindowsliddownandIsawDiva,withthetwoDivagirls.
‘Hi,kid,’Isaid.‘Howyadoin’?’
Shegotoutofthecar.Thechauffeurscrambledtoopenthedoorforherbutwastoolate,andshewavedhimaway.
‘Don’tworry,Vinodbhai,’shesaid,smilingathim.‘I’mfine.’
Hebowed,andglancedattheDivagirlsquicklybeforeloweringhiseyes,ashewaitedbesidethecar.
Itwassignificantthatshe’daddedthehonorificbhaitotheendofhisname.Itwasrespectful,andprobablytheonlyothertimehe’deverbeaddressedsorespectfully,outsidethecircleoffamilyandfriendswhoknewtheworthofthemaninsidetheuniform.
Itwassuperb,somethingbeyondclass,andIlikedtheyoungheiressforit.
‘Lin,’shesaid,comingtohugme.‘I’msohappytoseeyou.’
Itwasthefirsttimeshe’dhuggedme.Itwasthefirsttimeshehadn’tinsultedme,infact.
‘Kruto,’Isaid.‘Someonehappytoseeme,forachange.’
‘Ijustwantedtothankyou,’shesaid,placingherhandflatagainstmychest.‘Inevergottodoit,afterthefire,andgettingbackintoDad’scompanyandall.AndI’vebeenthinkingaboutthankingyou,andwantingtoletyouknowhowgratefulIamtoyou,andNaveen,andDidier,andJohnnyCigar,andSita,andAanu,therealAanu,andPriti,andSrinivasanthedudhwallah,and–’
‘You’refreakingmeout,Diva,’Isaid.‘Where’sthetigress?’
Shelaughed.TheDivaslaughed,insidetheair-conditionedlimousine.
‘Who’syourfriend?’Divaasked,givingOlegthetwiceover.
‘ThisisOleg,’Isaid.‘He’saRussianwriter,andafieldagentfortheLostLoveBureau.’
‘DivaDevnani,’Divasmiled,offeringherhand.‘Verypleasedtomeetyou.’
Olegkissedherhand.
‘OlegZaminovic,’hesaid.‘Wethinkourgreatgrandfathermadeupthename,but,hey,hemadeallofusaswell,sowedon’tholditagainsthim.’
‘I’mCharu,’oneoftheDivassaid.
‘I’mPari,’theothersaid.
Olegbowedgallantlyfromtheseatofhismotorcycle.
‘Getin,’Charusaid.
‘Absolutely,’Parisaid.
Thedoorofthelimousineopenedsilently,asifbyanactofwill.
‘Whatasplendididea,’Olegsaid,lookingatmehopefully.
‘Great!’Divasaid.‘It’sallsettled.I’llgoonaheadintotheslumwithLinonthebike,andOlegwillgowiththegirls.’
‘Waitaminute,’Isaid.‘You’reforgettingsomethinghere.’
‘I’llbefine,Lin,’Divasaid.‘Irodeonthepetroltankofourser-vant’smotorcyclefromtheageofthree.’
‘I’mtalkingaboutthemotorcyclehe’sriding.’
Oleglookedintothelimousineattheprettygirls,andtheirshortdresses,muchshorteronthebackseat.Helookedatme.
‘Youdon’tabandonamotorcycle,Oleg.’
‘RememberDidier’sadvice?’heaskedlimply,pleadingwithme,guytoguy.‘YouknowwhatImean,Lin.ThesmellyT-shirtthing.IthinkIshouldstarttonight.Whatdo…whatdoyouthink?’
Heglancedbackinsidethelimousine.Theywereundeniablyprettygirls,andunambiguouslyinterestedinOleg.
‘Parkheroverthereonthefootpath,nexttothatgate,’Isaid.‘Givethewatchmanahundredroopstowatchher,untilIcanpickherup.’
‘Great!’hesaid,bristlingthebikeupontothefootpath,andsmotheringthewatchman’sprotestwithafairamountofmoney.
Hesprintedbacktothelimousine,threwmethekeysandduckedinside,pullingthedoorshutafterhim.
Divawassmilingatme.Shewasstandingbesidemybike.Nightwasalizardcrawlingpastusonthefootpath.Peoplerecognisedher,fromtimetotime.Someofthemstoppedtolook.
‘Whatareyousmilingabout?’Iaskedher.
‘I’msmiling,’shesaid,‘becauseyouhavenoideawhatanicemanyouare.’
Ifrowned.People,friends,enemieswerechangingtoofastaroundme,asifIwasthelastmantowakeduringanattack.
‘CharuandPariaresinglegirls,withmultipleminds,’shesaid.
‘Whatthehell?’
‘Theythinkyou’reinteresting,too,’shesaid.‘Ihaven’tdisabusedthemofthenotion.’
‘What?’
‘Theythinkyou’reinteresting,’shesaid.‘That’sallI’msaying.’
‘Everybody’sinteresting.’
‘YoureallydoloveKarla,don’tyou?’sheasked,smilingagain,notatigerinsight.
‘Whyarewegoingtotheslum,Diva?’
‘There’sawomen’sparty.I’mtheguestofhonour,I’mhonouredtosay.I’dlikeyoutocomewithme.Tellmethatisn’tthebestofferyou’vehadinthelasttwentyminutes.’
Myturntolaugh.Maybeshereallyhadchanged.Peopledo.
‘Guestofhonour,huh?’
‘Let’sgo,Cisco,’shesmiled,swingingalegbehindmeoverthebike.
Weparkedthebikeoutsideandwalkedthroughlanesdecoratedwithflowers.Long,thickgarlandslinkedeveryhouse.Johnny’snephew,Eli,guideduswithatorchinlamp-litshadows.Hepausedateveryspectacularbouquet,scanningthetorchoverthecordonsofflowers,allowingustoadmireeverybloom.Hewasdressedinhisfinestclothes,suitablefordevotion,aswaseveryonewepassedinthelanes.
Hefinallyledustoanopenspace,usedintheslumforweddingsandfestivaldays.Plasticchairshadbeenarrangedinawidesemicirclearoundasmallstage.Thespacewasbecomingcrowded.
Womengatheredinaflame-litgardenofcoloureddresses,theirhairplaitedwithfrangipaniflowers,theirtalkinglaughterlikebirdsatsunset.
CharuandPariarrivedwithOleg.ThenKavitajoinedthecrowd,withNaveenandKarlaafewstepsbehind.
Karla.
Shesawme,andsmiled.Thosethingsinside,whenthewomanyoulovesmilesatyou:thosespearsofcourage,thatrain.
PeoplecalledforDivatospeak.Shefoundanopenspace,whereallcouldseehershortform,butherspeechwasevenshorter.
‘Iwanttothankyouall,sovery,verymuch,’shesaidinHindi.‘Iknow,becauseyousavedmylifehere,thatwecandoanything,together.Andfromnowon,I’mwithyoualltheway.I’msupportingfairslumresettlementindecent,safe,comfortablehomesacrossthecity.Ipledgemyselftothat,andI’mdoingitwithalltheresourcesIhave.’
Thewomencheered,themencheered,andthechildrenleaptaboutasiftheearthwastoohottotoleratemorethanafranticskip.Thebandplayedfuriouslyuntilno-onecouldhearproperly.
Aplacehadbeensetoutforameal,withalong,blueplasticsheetontheground.Authenticbananaleaveswerearranged,sidebyside,forgueststoreceivefood.I’dalreadyeaten,butitwasimpolitetorefuse,andbadluck.
Weallsquattedbesideoneanother.CharuandParihadtositside-saddle,becausetheirdesignerskirtsweretooshort,buttheydidn’tmind.TheireyeswereaswideasiftheywerestudyinglionsinAfrica.
Itwastheirfirsttimeonthewretchedsideoftheline.Theywererepulsed,horrified,andterrifiedofgermsinthefood.Buttheywerealsofascinated:andafascinatedIndianisyours.
AsFatewouldhaveit,Kavitasatonmyright,andKarlaonmyleft.
Vegetablebiryaniwasserved,alongwithcoconutpaste,Bengalispices,Kashmirirefinements,tandoori-firedvegetables,cucumberandtomatoyoghurt,yellowdhal,andwok-friedcauliflower,okraandcarrot,offeredbyanendlesslineofpeople,smilingastheyservedus.
‘Funnytimeforaparty,’IsaidtoKarla.
‘Ifyouknewanythingaboutthis,’Kavitasaid,leaningovertocatchmyeyes,ormysoul,orsomething,‘you’dknowthatthisisthetimebetweenshifts,andtheonlytimethatdayworkersandnightworkerscanjoinintogether.’
Itwassilly.I’dlivedinthatslum,andKavitahadn’t,andtherewasn’tmuchshecouldteachmeaboutit.
‘Youreallywon’tletthisgo,willyou,Kavita?’
‘WhyshouldI,cowboy?’
‘Howaboutyoupassmethepungentchutney,instead?’Karlasaid,playingpeacemaker.
Ipasseditacross,myeyescatchingKarla’sforamoment.
‘Ranaway,whenLisadied,’Kavitasaid.‘Andrunningawaynow.’
‘Okay,Kavita,justgetitoffyourchest.’
‘Isthatathreat?’sheasked,squintingspiteatme.
‘Howcanthetruthbeathreat?I’mjustsickoftheguiltgames.Icametothiscitywithmyowncrosses.Idon’tneedyoumakingnewonesforme.’
‘Youkilledher,’shesaid.
Ididn’tseeitcoming.
‘Calmdown,Kavita,’Karlasaid.
‘Iwasn’tevenhere.Iwasn’teveninthesamecountry.Thatwasonyourwatch,Kavita.’
Sheflinched.Shewashurt,andIdidn’twanttohurther:Ionlywantedhertostophurtingme.Hereyesbrimmed,likesnowdomesoftheworldinside,madeoftears.
‘Ilovedher,’shesaid,thedomesbursting.‘Youonlyusedher,whileyouwaitedforKarla.’
‘Thisistheidealmoment,withforesight,tostopthis,andfocusontheoccasion,’Karlasaidatlast.‘Stopthisbickering,bothofyou,andbegraciousguests.We’renothereforus.We’rehereforDiva,whosufferedalotaswell.’
Ipretendedtoeat,forawhile,andKavitapretendedtostop.Neitheroneofusmanagedit.
‘Itshouldbeyouwhodiedonthatbed,allalone,’Kavitaspatatme,losingcontrol.
‘Stopthis,Kavita,’Karlasaid.
‘Nothingtosay,Lin?’
‘Stopit,Kavita,’Isaid.
‘Thatallyougot?’
Istartedtogetup,butshepulledatmysleeve.
‘Youwanttoknowwhatshesaidaboutyou,whileshewasmakinglovetome?’
Ishould’vestopped.Ididn’t.
‘Youknow,Kavita,youworkatanewspaperthatsellswhite-skinpotionstoacountryfullofbrown-skinnedpeople,’Isaid.‘Youtalkabouttheenvironment,andyoutakemoneyfromoilcompaniesandcoalcompaniesforadvertising.Youlecturepeoplewhowearfur,andacceptadvertisingfrombattery-fedchickenchainsandhormonehamburgers.Youreconomistsforgivebankersnomatterwhattheydo,youropinionpagesshrinkopinion,andyourcriticismisafleaontheelephantofintolerance.Thewomeninyourpagesaredolls,whilethemenaresages.Youcoverupasmanycrimesasyoureport,andyou’vecampaignedagainstinnocentmenjustforratings,andwebothknowit.Comedownoffyourthrone,Kavita,andleavemealone.’
Shelookedatmewithadeterminationthatrevealednothing,butmaybenothingwasallshehad,becauseshewassilent.
Istood,excusedmyself,andwalkedbackthroughtheslumalone.Naveencaughtupwithmeinalanefilledwithsmallshops.
‘Lin,’hesaid.‘Waitup.’
‘Howyoudoingwithlostlove?’Iasked.
Itouchedanervewithoutknowingit.Helettheanger-faceoutofthecage.
‘What’sthatsupposedtomean?’hegrowled.
‘Youknowwhat,Naveen,Ilikeyou.Butthisreallyisn’tagoodnighttoplaysulky.’
Iwalkedoffalone,butwhenIreachedmybikeonthewidestreetoutside,wherechildrenwerestillplaying,someonecameupbehindmequicklyandquietly.
Ispunaround,grabbedathroatinonehandandhadmyknifeintheotherbeforeIknewitwasKarla.
‘Yougotmethere,Shantaram,’shesaid,asIreleasedher.
‘Ialwaysgetyouthere.’
Shedidn’tpullawayfromme.
‘Sneakinguponpeoplelikethatwillbuyyouconniptions,girl,’Isaid,myhandsinthesmallofherback.
‘Conniptions?HowAmericanofyou.’
‘YouhavenoideahowAmericanIcouldgettonight.’
‘Wouldthatfixmyconniptions?’
‘Maybenot.MaybeIshouldputabellonyourbracelet.’
‘Maybeyoushould,’shepurred.
Ikissedher,leaningagainstthebike,prayingthatshe’dneverleaveme.
‘Whoa,’shesaid,easingaway.‘You’rereadytoinvadeTroy,andtheshipshaven’tevenlanded.’
‘Whateverthatmeans,’Isaid,‘canyouexplainithorizontally?’
‘Mycurrentplace,oryourcurrentplace?’Shelaughed.
‘Anycurrentplace,’Isaid.
Shelaughedagain.
‘Thatdidn’tcomeoutright,’Isaidquickly.‘Wehaven’tbeentogethersincethemountain.Doesthatseemlikealongtime,toyou?Itseemslikeareallylongtime,tome.’
Imight’vebeentellingjokes.ShelaughedharderwitheverywordIsaid.Sheactuallypleadedwithmetostop,becauseshewaschoking.
‘You’redrivingmecrazy,Karla.Thatthingyoufeel,whensomethingmakesyoufeelcompletelyright?Ionlyfeelthat,withyou.’
Shestoppedlaughing,andlookedmeupanddown.Idon’tknowwhatitisaboutmethatmakespeoplelookmeupanddown,butI’vehadmyshare.
Shekissedme.Ikissedher.Rain,wave,andthatplaceinsidewherewedancebetterthanwedance:shekissedme.
Sheslappedme.
‘Damn!Whatwasthatfor?’
‘Pullyourselftogether,’shesaid.‘Ithoughtwehadthistalk.Itoldyou.We’reinthisgametogether,orI’minitalone.They’reyouroptions,notmine.’
‘Fairenough.Agreed.Whatgame?’
‘Iloveyou,Shantaram,’shesaid,slippingaway.‘IneedKavita,atthemoment.I’vegotaplan,andIcan’ttellyouaboutit,remember?Ineedher,andIneedyoutoriseabove,andbethebetterman.’
Dogsbarked,asshetrottedbacktotheslum.
Ididn’tunderstandanyofitexceptmypart,andIwasn’treallysureaboutmypart.ButatleastIknewthatIwasbackinKarlaville.Icouldstillfeelherslap,andherkiss.ChapterSixty-Four
Ididn’tseeOlegfortwoweeksafterthatnight.Hefoundanewcouch,forawhile,andtheDivagirlsfoundanewplaything.Itookataxi,thedayafterhevanished,andcollectedthebangerbikehe’dleftbythesideoftheroad.Italkedtothebikeforawhileandassuredher,eventhoughmyheartbelongedtoanothermachine,thatI’dprotectherinfuture,especiallyfromRussianwriters.Shecarriedmehomewithoutincident,herenginehummingasongthewholeway:abravemotorcycle,notreadytodie.
Ididmyroundsdaytonight,helpeddecentpeopleoutwithloansandcollectedmoneyfromindecentdefaulters,swappedfunnyjokesandfunnierinsults,smackedacheekymoneychangerontheearfromtimetotimeandkneltinprayerwithothers,bribedcopsandCompanysoldiersforblessingsfrombelow,droppeddonationsintochurchesandtemplesforblessingsfromabove,fedbeggarsoutsidemosques,chasedabrutalpimpfrommycollectionarea,andcamethirdinaknife-throwingcompetition,whichI’denteredtofindoutwhowasbetteratathrowingaknifethanIwas:alwaysahandythingtoknow.Inonewayandanother,goldendaysbecamesilverednights.
AcoupleofweeksafterOleg’solfactorydefectionIwasswingingbacktowardLeopold’soneday,thinkingoftheirvegcurryriceandhungryenoughtoeatit,whenamanranontothecauseway,stoppingmeintraffic.
ItwasStuartVinson.
‘Lin!’heshouted.‘I’vebeenlookingforyoueverywhere.Parkthefuckingnoisybike,man.’
‘Steadyon,Vinson,’Isaid,pattingthegastankofmybike.‘Language,man.’
Heblinkedatme,andatthebike.
‘What?’
‘Calmdown.You’reaone-mantrafficjam.’
Carsweremovingaroundus,andtheColabapolicestationwasn’tfarenoughaway.
‘It’sserious,Lin!Please,meetmeatLeopold’s.I’llgothererightnow.’
HescamperedawaythroughthetraffictowardLeopold’s,andImadethetrafficscamperaroundmewhileIdidanillegalturn,andparkedthebike.
IfoundVinsonpesteringSweetieforatable.TherewasnothingatDidier’stablebutaReservedsign.IhandedthesigntoSweetie,andsatdown.Vinsonjoinedme.
Hedidn’tlookgood.Hissurfer-healthyfacewasthinnerthanI’dseenit,andthereweredarkringsonthehighcheekboneswhereoptimismusedtoplay.
‘Lookslikebeer,’IsaidtoSweetie.
‘Youthinkyou’retheonlycustomersIhavetoserve?’Sweetieaskedhimself,walkingbacktothekitchen.
‘Doyouwannadothisbeforethebeer,orafter?’Iasked.
Itseemedlikeareasonablequestion,tome.I’veseenboth,andIknowwhatit’slike:thesamestory,toldbydifferentmaniacs.
‘She’sdisappeared,’hesaid.
‘Okay,beforethebeer.AreyoutalkingaboutRannveig?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Disappeared…how?’
‘Shewasthereoneminute,andgonethenext.I’vesearchedevery-whereforher.Idon’tknowwhattodo.Iwas,like,hopingshemight’vecontactedyou.’
‘Ihaven’tseenher,’Isaid.‘AndIhavenoideawheresheis.Whendidthishappen?’
‘Threedaysago.I’vebeensearchingeverywhere,but–’
‘Threedays?Whatthefuck,man?Whydidn’tyoutellmebefore?’
‘You’remylastresort,’hesaid.‘I’vetriedeverything,andeveryoneelse.’
Thelastresort:thelastpersonwhomighthelpyou.I’dneverthoughtofmyselfasthat.I’dneverbeenthat.Iwasalwaysoneofthefirstcalled,whensomeoneneededhelp.
Thebeerarrived.Vinsondrankitfast,butitdidn’thelp.
‘Oh,myGod!Whereisshe?’hewailed.
‘Look,Vinson,youcouldaskNaveenforhelp.It’shisjobtofindlostloves.’
‘Canyoucallhimforme?’
‘Idon’tusethephone,’Isaid.‘ButIcantakeyouthere,ifyoulike.’
‘Please,’hesaid.‘Anything.I’msoworriedabouther.’
Westooduptoleave,mybeeruntouched.IleftatipforSweetie.Itwasn’tsweetenough.
‘Fuckyou,Shantaram,’hesaid,replacingtheReservedsignonthetable.‘Who’sgoingtodrinkyourbeer?Tellmethat?’
Ideliveredlost-loveVinsontotheLostLoveBureau,twodoorsalongfrommyown,andlefthimwithNaveen.
ThingshadbeencoolerbetweenNaveenandme.I’dhurthim,somehow,Iwassureofit,butIhadnoideahow.IbroughtVinsontotheofficebecauseItrustedNaveen,andIhopedhesawthat.
HesmiledvacantlyatmeasIwalkedbacktomyroom,thenheturnedtoVinson,seriousquestionswritingthemselvesonhisface.
Iateacanofcoldbakedbeans,drankapintofmilkandsettledtheemergencyrationlunchwithhalfaglassofrum.Ileftthedooropen,andsatinmyfavouritechair.Itwasacurvedcaptain’schair,paddedwithfaded,darkblueleather.Itwasthemanager’schair.JaswantSinghhadinheriteditfromthepreviousmanager,who’dinheriteditfromsomeonewithdamngoodtasteinwriter’schairs.I’dboughtitfromJaswantandreplaceditforhimwithashinynewmanager’schair.
Jaswantlovedhisnewchair,andhadputcolouredlightsaroundit.Iputmyoldchairinacorner,whereIhadaviewofthebalcony,andaclearlineofsightintothehallway,themanager’sdeskandthestairsleadinguptoit.Ididsomeofmybestwritingthere.
Iwasdoingsomeofmybestwriting,whenNaveentappedonthedoor.
‘Gotaminute?’heasked.
Hewasintelligent,braveanddevoted.Hewaskindandhonest.Hewasallthethingswe’dwishasonorabrothertobe.ButIwaswriting.
‘Howmanyaminute?’
‘Acouple.’
‘Sure,’Isaid,puttingmyjournalaway.‘Comein,andsitdown.’
Hesatonthecouch,andlookedaround.Therewasn’tmuchtosee.
‘Youalwaysleaveyourdooropen?’
‘OnlywhenI’mawake.’
‘Yourplaceis…’hebegan,searchingforaclueinaroomthatwaspackedforflight.‘It’skindabootcamp,ifyouknowwhatImean.Ithoughtitwouldgetwarmer,youknow,thelongeryoulivedhere.But…itdidn’t.’
‘KarlacallsitFugitiveChic.’
‘Doesshelikeit?’
‘No.What’sonyourmind,Naveen?’
‘Diva,’hesaid,sighingthename,hisheadsagging.
‘Whatabouther?’
‘Sheofferedmeajob,’hesaid,hisfacestretchedandcreasedwithdistress.‘That’swhyI’vebeensotouchylately.’
‘Notsuchabadthing,ajob.’
‘Youdon’tunderstand.Shecalledmetoameeting.Oneofherpeopletookmeallthewayuptotheroofofherbuilding,onWorliSeaface.Shehasofficesthere.Ihadn’tseenherforawhile.She’s…we’vebothbeenbusy.’
Hepressedhismouthshutonwhateveritwasthathe’dbeenabouttosay.Iwaited,andthennudgedhim.
‘Uh-huh.’
‘She…shelookedamazing.Shecutherhair.Itlooksgreat.Shewaswearingred.Therewaswind,ontheroof.Ilookedather.ForasecondIletmyselfbelievethatshe’dcalledmetheretotellmethatshe…’
Hisheaddropped,andhestaredathishands.
‘Butshecalledyoutheretoofferyouajob,instead.’
‘Yeah.’
‘Foralotofmoney?’
‘Yeah.Toomuch,really.’
‘Okay,’Isaid.‘She’stryingtoprotectyou.She’skindastuckonyou.Thetwoofyouwentthroughsomestufftogether.She’sworried,nowthattheLostLoveBureauisputtingyoubackonthestreet.’
‘Youreallythinkso?’
‘Ithinkit’sherwayofsayingthatshecaresaboutyou.It’snotabadthing,it’sagoodthing.’
‘Maybeyou’reright.Shealmostkissedmethatnight,remember?’
‘Shetoldyoutoshutup,andkissher.Maybeyoushoulddothat.’
‘Youknow,’hemused,‘thenewDiva,man,she’stakingsomegettingusedto.IalwaysknewwhattheoldDivawasthinking,andwhatshe’dsay.Happy,smilingDivaisimpossibletoread.It’slikesnowontheradar.It’slikeIhavetofallinlovewiththesamewomanalloveragain.’
‘Youknow,Ireadabookonce,calledWomenforIdiots.’
‘Whatdidyoufindout?’
‘Icouldn’tmakeheadortailofit.Butitconfirmedapointfrommyownmessed-upexperience,whichisthatyoucan’tknowwhat’sinawoman’smind,untilshetellsyou.Andtodothat,youhavetoaskher.Oneofthesedays,you’vegottaaskthatgirlifit’saseriousthing.’
‘YouthinkIshouldtakethejob?’
‘Ofcoursenot.Youworkedforherfather.Now,you’reonyourown.She’llrespectanomorethanayes.She’llprobablyfindanotherwaytokeepyouclose.’
Hestoodtoleave,offeringtowashhisglass.Iputitbackonthetable.
‘You’reagoodman,Naveen,’Isaid.‘Andsheknowshowgoodyouare.’
Heturnedtoleave,butspunaroundquickly,boxer-ballet.
‘Hey,don’tforgettheracetonight.’
‘Whatrace?’
‘Youhaven’theard?CharuandPariwenttotheslum,andIchallengedBeniciatoraceme.It’sallset.’
‘Beniciaagreed?’
‘She’sintoit.’
‘Didyoumeether?’
‘Kindof.Seeyoulater.’
‘Waitaminute.Kindof?’
Herelaxedagain,butavoidedmyeyesasheleanedagainstthedoorjamb.
‘Isetupameetingwithher,tobuyjewellery,’hesaid.‘It’stheonlywaytoseeher.She’snotaneasygirltoreach.Shesatmedownonacarpet,inthisveryoldapartment.Sherentsitforherbusiness.Andshedidthewholetransactioninaniqab.’
‘Thefullblackcover,orjusttheblackmask?’
‘Justthemask.Andthoseeyes,man,Iswear.’
‘IssheaMuslim?’
‘No.Iaskedherthat,andshesaidno.Shejustdigstheniqab.It’snotreallyaniqab.It’sactuallyjustsunglassesthatcoverherface,andonlyleavetheeyesunshaded.Shemust’vehadthemspeciallymade.Thoseeyes,man,Iswear.’
‘Amaskedhero.Karla’sgonnaloveher.’
‘Thoseeyes,man,’hesaidagain.‘Iswear.’
‘Settledown,Naveen.Howdiditgo,withBenicia?’
‘Ididthedeal,andboughtabunchofRajasthanijewelleryasashowofgoodfaith,andthenexplainedthesituationtoher.Sheagreed,butononecondition.’
‘Ah,termsandconditionsalwaysapply.’
‘Ihavetogoonadatewithher.’
‘Ifyouwin,orifyoulose?’
‘Win,loseordraw.’
‘Areyoukidding?’
‘No,I’mserious.’
‘Damn,Naveen.Diva’snotgonnaseeitinarosylightthatyou’reonadatewithanenigma,whohappenstorideavintage350ccmotor-cyclefasterthananyoneinBombay.’
‘Anyonebutme,’Naveensaid.‘I’vebeenpractising,Lin.I’mfast.’
‘Youbetterbefast,whenDivahearsaboutthedate.’
‘It’sadonedeal,’hesaid.
‘Well,Divawilldefinitelykickyourassforthis,butyou’rerackingupsomelegendpointswithDidier,kid.He’sgonnagonutswhenhehearsaboutit.’
‘Healreadyknows.Everybodyknows.Everyone…butDiva.Ithoughtyouknew.’
Ididn’tknow.No-onehadtoldme.Somehow,IwasdisconnectedfromaworldoffriendshipI’dhelpedtobuild.
‘Where’stherace?’
‘AirIndiabuilding,MarineDrive,PedderRoad,andbackagain,threetimes.’
‘WhereareyouturningonPedderRoad?’
‘ThelastsignalbeforeHajiAli.’
‘When?’
‘Atmidnight.’
‘Thecopsaregonnaloveit.’
‘Thecopsarehelpingus.They’remaintainingtrafficsecurity,andwe’resogratefulfortheircooperation,sotospeak,thatwepaidthemwhattheyasked,whichwasn’tcheap.Wehadtobringthemin.Weneededtheirpoliceradiostocalltherace.There’salotofmoneyonthis.’
‘Someofitmine,’Ilaughed.
‘Youknow,’hesaidhesitantly,‘onthespurofthemoment,withtheraceinmymindandall,Itotallydidn’tthinkaboutwhatDivawouldmakeofit,ifIwentoutwithBeniciaonadate.’
‘Youcan’tblamethisonthemoment,Naveen.’
‘But,ifIwasstillwiththeoldDiva,youknow,whohitmeintheballseverytimeIstoodup,itcouldn’thavehappened.’
‘BringnewDivaalongonthedate.Beniciamightlikeher.AndDivalikesjewellery.’
‘It’snotthatkindofdateBeniciahasinmind.’
‘Howdoyouknow?’
‘Thoseeyes,’hesaid.‘Shedidthis…shewas…youhadtobethere,butthere’snomistake.It’smorethanadateshe’sgotinmind.’
‘Andyouagreedtothat?’
‘Itoldyou,Iwascarriedaway.’
‘Calloffthebet.’
‘Ican’tdothat.Toomanypeoplehaveputtoomuchmoneyontherace.I’vegottagiveitallI’vegot.’
‘Well,whenyouhavethedatewithBenicia,tellheryou’reinlovewithanothergirl.Tellherthenwhatyoushould’vetoldherwhensheaskedforamore-than-date,throughhersunglassesniqab.’
‘Ifeelshitty,’hesaid.
‘Don’tfeelshitty.Wintherace,andmakeitright.’
HehuggedmesointenselythatIwasstandinginariver,andwaterwasrushingpastme,chesthigh,justgentlyenoughnottoknockmeoffbalance.
Hedashedthroughthedoor.
‘Seeyouthere!’hesaid,startingdownthestairs.
‘Wait!’Icalled,andhesprintedbacktostandonthetopstep.
‘Thatgirl,Vinson’sfriend,Rannveig.’
‘Yeah,’hesaid,standingononefoot,adeerwaitingforvelocity.‘Ispoketohimbefore.He’swithDidier,intheoffice.’
‘She’safriendofmineaswell.Ifyou’retryingtofindher,gospiritual.That’swhereI’dstart.’
‘Okay,spiritual.Gotit.Anythingelse?’
‘No.Run.’
Hejumpedandbumpedhiswaydownthestairs.
Forsomereason,Iwantedtoclosethedoor,lockthelocks,cleanmygun,sharpenmyknives,writethings,andgetdrunkenoughtomisstherace.Inthatmoment,Ididn’twanttoknowanythingelse,aboutanyoneelse’slovedrama.
Istoodupandwalkedtowardthedoor,butVinsonbeatmetoit.
‘Gotaminute?’
‘Fuckit,man,whohasn’tgotaminute?Andwhodoesn’tknowthatit’lltakealotlongerthanaminute?Everybody.Soleaveyourself-deprecatingpassiveaggressionatthedoor,comein,parkyourcarcassonOleg’ssofa,haveabeer,andtellmewhat’sonyourmind,orwhat’sonOleg’smind,ifyou’dcaretoguess.’
‘You’reinamood,’hesaid,sitting.
Ithrewhimabeer.
‘Nicecouch,’hesaid.‘Who’sOleg?’
‘What’sonyourmind,Vinson?’
Hetalkedabouther,thatgirlfromtheNorthLandswhocarriedtheiceinhereyeswherevershewent.Heblamedhimselfforbeingoverprotective,formakingherfeellikeaprisoner,forwithholdinghisaffection,andforalltheotherwrongthings.
‘You’retheprisoner,man,’Isaid.
‘I’mtheprisoner?’
‘You’rechainedtowhatyoudo,Vinson.Andshe’safreebird.’
‘Whatdoyoumean?’
‘Idon’twanttotalkaboutRannveigunlessshe’sheretojoinintheconversation,’Isaid.‘ButI’lljustsaythatIthinkshe’sasensitiveperson,andwhatyou’redoinghurtssomethinginsideher.Herlastboyfrienddiedatthebusinessendofheroin,remember?’
‘Idon’ttakeheroin.’
‘You’readrugdealer,Vinson.’
‘I’vekeptherawayfromit,’hesaiddefensively.‘Shedoesn’tknowanythingaboutwhatIdo.’
‘Well,knowingthatgirlthelittlethatIdo,Ithinkitmatterstoherwhatyoudo.Idon’tknow,Vinson,butIthinkitmightcometoachoiceyou’llhavetomake,betweenthemoneyandthegirl.’
‘Ican’t,like,livethewaythatIdo,youknow,withoutthemoneyImake.Ilivebig,Lin,andIlikeit.’
‘Livesmaller.’
‘ButRannveig–’
‘Rannveigwillloveit,solongasyoubringthemaid.Shelikesyourmaid.’
‘I’llhavetofindher,first.’
‘You’llfindher.Orshe’llfindyou.She’sasmartgirl.She’sstrongerthanshelooks.She’llbealright.’
‘Thanks,Lin,’hesaid,standingtoleave.
‘Whatfor?’
‘FornotthinkingI’mstupidtocaresomuch.Tolovehersomuch.ThecopsthinkI’mcrazy.’
‘Thecopsthinkthatanyonewhowalksintoapolicestationvoluntarilyiscrazy,andthey’vegotapoint.’
‘Doyoureallythinkshe’llcomebacktome?’
‘Shemightcomebacktoyou,butnottowhatyoudo.’
Hewalkeddownthestairsslowly,shakinghisworriedhead.
Faithisunconditionallove,andloveisunconditionalfaith.Vinson,NaveenandIweremeninlove,withoutthewomenweloved,andfaithwasatreewithoutshade.IhopedVinsonwaslucky,andthatRannveigwantedtobefound.IhopedthatDivawouldgiveNaveentheshelterofcertainty.AndIhopedthatKarla’sscheme,whateveritwas,wouldn’tcostuswhatwealmosthad.ChapterSixty-Five
Ialmosthadthedoorclosed,butDidierpressedhishandagainstitfromtheotherside,andpusheditopen.
‘Ihaveaproblem,’hesaid,throwinghimselfonthecouch.
‘Ishouldchargethiscouchbythehour,’Isaid.‘It’sbusierthanIam.’
‘Thereisaspecialparty,tonight.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Acostumeparty.’
‘I’mclosingthedoor,Didier.’
‘Therewereonlytwocostumesleft,atthebestcostumier,andIhaveputthembothonhold,butIcannotchoose.’
‘Whatdidtheyhave?’
‘Agladiator,andaballerina.’
‘Idon’tseetheproblem.’
‘Theproblem?Youdonotseetheproblem?Didierisperfectforbothroles,quiteobviously,soitisimpossibletodecidebetweenthem.’
‘Isee.’
‘Lin,whatshallIdo?’
‘Myadvice,’Isaid,channellingtheenergyofOleg’scouch,‘istowearthegladiatortothewaist,andtheballerinafromthewaistdown.You’llbeagladerina.’
‘Agladerina,’hesaid,rushingtothedoor.‘Imusttryiton,immediately.’
Heshuffleddownthesteps,andIshuffledtothedoor,finallysucceedinginclosingitforawhile.AndIshould’vebeenhappy,butIwasn’t.Ididn’tlikecloseddoors,prettymuchanywhere.Ididn’tlikethecloseddoorsinmydreams:theonesIpoundedon,nightafternight.
Isettledinmychair,butIcouldn’twrite.Istaredatthelockeddoorforaminutetoolong,andIwasallthewaybackthereinacage.
Everyblowstruckagainstachainedman,everyinjectiontopacifyrebellion,everyelectrocutionofwillisaninsulttowhatwe’llbe,whenwebecomewhatwe’redestinedtobe.Timeisamembrane,aconnectivetissue,anditcanbebruised.Timecan’thealallwounds:Timeisallwounds.Onlyloveandforgivenesshealallwounds.
Hatredalwaysleavesastainontheveil.Butsometimesthehatredisn’tyourown.Sometimesyou’rechained,andthehatredbeatenintoyouisanotherman’s,growninadifferentheart,andittakeslongerthanafadingbruisetoforget.
Evenifwefindaway,someday,toweavethestrandsofloveandfaithwefindalongtheway,ablemishalwaysremainsontheskinofwhatcan’tbeforgotten:theyesterdaythatstaresbackatyou,whenyoulookatacloseddoor.
ForawhileIwasalostson,driftingawayfromfriends,driftingawayfromlove,turningakeyinmemoriesoffear,anger,uprising,aprisonriot,thechapelburning,guardsinarmour,menwillingtodieratherthanputupwithanotherdayofit,justasIwasreadytodie,whenIstoodonthewall,andescaped.
Time,too,willdie,justaswedo,whentheuniversedies,andisbornagain.Time’salivingthing,justasweare,withbirth,longevity,andextinction.Timehasaheartbeat,butitisn’tours,nomatterhowmuchofourselveswesacrificetoit.Wedon’tneedTime.Timeneedsus.EvenTimelovescompany.
Ilookedawayfromthedoor,andraninsteadintofieldsofKarla,lakesofKarla,shorelinesandtreesofKarla,cloudsofKarla,stormsofKarlatearingeverythingapart,andwhenIgotthere,IwroteversesaboutKarlaandTime,fightingitoutwithloveatstake.
Itdidn’twork.ButImarkedthepagewhenIclosedthejournal,becausesomeofthebestwritingcomesfromthingsthatdon’tworkyet.
Iwenttothebalcony,andsmokedoneofDidier’sjoints.
Theintersectionbelowwasrelativelyempty.Thefranticinsectcarshadreturnedtotheirhivesinhordes.Itwastimeformylastround,andNaveen’sracewithBeniciawasn’tlongaway,butIdidn’twanttomove.
Karla,Didier,Naveen,Diva,Vinson,theZodiacGeorges,Kavita:Icouldn’tunderstandwhatwasgoingon.Therewassomuchchange,somuchuncertainty,somanytimesthatIfeltthatIwasonthewrongsideofawallIcouldn’tsee.
Iwaslostinthemessofitall.I’dspenttheeveninggivingadvicetoothers,andIcouldn’tadvisemyself.IcouldonlyfollowaninstincttomakeKarlachoose,onceandforall:lifewithme,somewhereelse,orlifeintheIslandCitywithoutme.
WhatevershewasdoinginBombay,itdidn’tincludeme,andIfeltthatitshould.Iwasreadytorideawayalone,andwaitforhersomewhereelse,ifshewouldn’tleavewithme.Iknewthatshe’dbeattherace.Iwantedtobethere.Ihadtotalktoher,evenifitwasjusttosaygoodbye.
Whenyourlifehasnoplanbutthestraightestroadoutoftown,andyourhearthaswaitedtoolongforthetruth,oryoursoulhaswaitedtoolongforanewsong,Fatesometimesstrikesthegroundwithasacredstaff,andfirestandsinyourway.
Carsrushedpastmeatkillingspeed.IsawHusseinmenandScorpionmen,speedingindifferentdirections.Ariderwasapproachingme.Hisbikehadveryhighhandlebars.Irecognisedhimfromtwoblocksaway.ItwasRavi.
Iputmybikeontheside-stand,andwavedhimdown.
‘What’sup?’
‘Fire,atKhaderbhai’shouse,’hesaidquickly,ashedrewalongside.
‘Themansion?’
‘Yeah,man.’
‘IsNazeerokay?AndTariq?’
‘Nobodyknows.They’retryingtosavethemosque.That’sallIheard.Onlybikescangetthrough.Theysayit’sjammeduponMohammedAliRoad.Stayoffthestreetstonight,Lin.’
Khaderbhai’smansion,burning.
Isawtheboyintheemperorchair,hisheadcockedtotheside,hislongfingerssupportinghisforehead.IsawmyAfghanfriend,Nazeer,hisgrizzledfacelitbydawnprayers.
Andsomethingwaspulledfrommychest,someinnerthingthatwasn’tmineanymore,andIfelttheconnectionblur.Ifeltloveslipaway,drainingfromme,asifsorrowcutavein.AndIwasafraid,forallofus.
RavirodeoffandIstartedmybike,swingingafterhim.
Sometimes,inthoseyears,thecalltodiewasasstrongasthewilltolive.AndsometimesIclimbedthemastoffearonmyheart,thatboatonthesea,andopenedmyarmstothetempest,breakingtheworld.ChapterSixty-Six
Raviwasfast,butIwasonlyafewbeatsbehindhim.WerodeeasilyalongthedragonspineofMohammedAliRoadatfirst,butfinallyhitawallofcars,trucksandbuses,allofthemwiththeirenginesturnedoff
Wehadtousethefootpaths,filledwithpeoplewhocouldn’twalkontheblockedroad.IwasgladthatRaviwasinfront,ashenudgedpeopleoutofthewaywiththewheelofhismotorcycle.Henegotiatedthelegsandarmsandchildren’sbobbingheadswithfluidrespect,harmingno-one,butmaintainingawalkingpace.Andherepeatedonlyoneword,asherode.
Khaderbhai!
Heshouteditagainandagain,asanincantation.Andpeoplemovedoutofthewayeachtimetheyheardit.
TheCompanythatKhaderbhaicreatedhadbecomethechrysalisoftheSanjayCompanyandthecalyptraoftheVishnuCompany,butwhenbloodwasinthefire,onlyKhaderbhai’snamehadthecolourofinstinct,andthepowertopartwavesofhurryingpeople.
IwassoafraidoflosingcontactwithRavi,andhavingmyownwaveofpeopletonegotiate,thatIrodetooclosetohimandbumpedhisfenderseveraltimes.
Hesoundedhishorncalmly,totellmetocalmdown,andthenhewentbacktoshoutingthatunforgottenname.
Khaderbhai!
Wereachedacornerclosethemosque,butahighwallofmotor-cycles,handcartsandbicyclesblockedthewayforwardonthefootpath.Thetideofpeoplesurgedaway,branchingoffthroughgapsinthecarsontheroad.
Throughthearchesofthepavementawningswecouldseesmoke,flamesandfiretrucks.Theroadbesideuswasasolidbuildingmadeofcarsandbuses.
Weshovedourbikesintoadoorway,usedmychaintolockthemtogether,andclimbedtheaccidentalwallofbicycles,basketsandcarts,dodgingundersignsstrungoutsideshops.
Wetumbleddownthesteepmetalfall,landingbehindapoliceline,wherethejamended.Therewasapieceofrope,suspendedbythepolicebetweenthefenderofanAmbassadorcarandthehandleofahandcart.Itwasallthathadstoppedthefloodofpeople.Weliftedtheropeandslippedaroundtheshopsatthebaseofthemosque,headingtoKhaderbhai’smansion.
Firetrucksweretrainingpowerfulhosesonthewallsofthemosque,tryingtostopthefirefromspreading.Themosqueseemedtobeintact,butwhenwethreadedourwaythroughtheblacksnakesofleakingfirehoses,wesawthatKhaderbhai’smansionwasfinished.
Aloneunitoffiremenwastryingtoslowthefire,butmostoftheresourceshadbeendivertedtostoppingthefirefromtakingthemosque,andbecomingawidercatastropheinthestreet.
MenfromseveralmafiaCompanieswerealreadythere,standingacrossthenarrowstreet,staringattheflamespaintingrageontheirfaces.TheywereHusseinCompanymen,mostly,buttherewereafewVishnumenandgangstersfromotherCompanies.Therewereabouttwentyofthem.Abdullahwasinthecentre,hiseyessavagewithfire.
Firemenwereholdingthegangstersback,pleadingwiththemtowithdrawandletthemdotheirjob.Abdullahbrokeranks.Hebrushedthreefiremenasideandknockedoutanother,who’dtriedtostophimenteringthebuilding.Hedisappearedintheflames.
Companymenlookedatthefiremen,wonderingiftheyweregoingtofight.Firemenwearuniforms.AsfarastheCompanymenwereconcerned,anyonewhowearsauniformworksfortheotherside.
Thefiremenbackedaway,takingtheircolleagueswiththem.Theywerepaidtosavepeople,notfightthem.Themenwhowerepaidtofightpeople,thepolice,rushedtowardtheretreatingfiremen.
Fightingthecopsisatrickybusiness.Lotsofcopsliketofight,butthey’resticklersforrules.Nodisfigurements,andnoweapons:justfair,square,kicktheshitoutofeachother.Thatprettymuchcoversit,exceptfortwothings.First,theyhaveverylongmemories:longerthanmostcriminalsI’vemet,whoareconsiderablymoreforgive-and-forget.Andsecond,ifthingsgetoutofhand,theycanshootyouandgetawaywithit.
TheCompanymenputtheirweaponsaway,orthrewthemaway,andstoodinfrontoftheburningbuilding.Thecopskickedinwitheverythingtheyhad,andthegangsterskickedback.
There’samomentofchoice,ofcourse,everysecondthatyoulive.Iwatchedthefightbegin,withfairlyevennumbers,theCompanymenholdingtheirown.Isawanewgangofcopsrunningtohelptheirfriends.Ravisteppedawayfrommewithanothergangster,Tricky,andtheybrokeintoarun,throwingtheirlivesatthefight.Icould’vestayedthere.Icould’vewatchedithappen.Ididn’t.Idroppedmyknivesbehindahandcart,andranintothemessofwhatnoneofusshouldbe.
Itwasashortrun.AcophitmebeforeIreachedtheline.Hewasgood.Hewasquick.Iheardthebell,andIdidn’tknowwhichround.Ifollowedinstinct:duckandcover,thenleadwithacombination.Icameoutswinging,butthecopwasalreadyatmyfeet.TallTony,tall,skinnyTony,hadflooredhim.
WereinforcedtheCompanyline.Copscametohelpcops.Peopleweregrapplingandstumbling.Copswerehittingcops.Companymenwerehittingfriends.
Ihadacopbytheshirt,andIwastwistingitclosetome.Ifiguredthatifhecouldn’thitme,hecouldn’thitanyoneelse.
Iwaswrong,onbothcounts.Heswungafistovermyelbowsandconnectedwithsomepartofmyheadthatshutthingsdown:thepartthatplaystheClash,inaroomsomewhere,withaRussianwriter,alongwayaway.
Ifellbackwards,myhandsknottinginstinctinhisshirt,andhecamewithme.Othercopscamewithhim,pullinggangstersdownintothemaul.Thefrontofthemansionhadburned,andwasstartingtocollapse.Wefellintocinderedwoodandashes.
Idon’tknowhowmanypeoplewereontopofthecopwhowasontopofme:atreeofhumanityhadfallen.Incenseburnedmyeyes,asifalreadylitforthedead,andfilledtheairaroundusaspiecesofsandalwoodsmouldered.
Scorchedpagesfromsacredtextsburnedintherubble.Ismelledhairburning,andtoomuchsweat,fromtoomanybodies,piledtoohighontopofme.
Bulletsstartedfiringfrominsidethemansion.Iwassuddenlygladtobecoveredbybodies.
‘Bulletsareexplodingintheheat!’anofficersaid,inMarathi.‘They’regoingoffatrandom.Holdyourfire.’
ThecopsandCompanymenontopofmeweren’ttakinganychances.Theyhunkereddown,pressingintotheonlyhunkeringtheyhad,whichwasme.Iwasrabbit-breathing,intinygasps.Thebulletsstopped,astheghostmagazinesrantheircourse.Thenthearchaboveourheadsgaveway,atlast.Thefallenmobhunkereddownalittlefurther.
Fragmentsofscripturebrokefromthefalsearch,andfellonus.Icouldn’tliftmyarms.Myhandswerestilllockedinthecop’sshirt.Icouldn’tsee.Iwasbreathingash,inair,butgladtohaveanyairatall.
Andthenitstopped.Thecopsandgangstersstaggeredandstumbledback,onebyone.Thecopontopofmewasthelast.Hetriedtocrawlaway,butIhadhisshirt.Hekeptlurchingonhisknees,notlookingbackatme,untilIletgo.
Igotup,wipedmyeyes,andlookedattheburninghouse,thehouse,burning,whereKhaderbhaihadgivenmehoursofinstruction,hoursofhislife,toarguephilosophy.
Thearchedcourtyardwasashiveringsilhouette,drawninred-yellowflames.Thepartitionsofthemansiondroppedawayinsheets.Theburningframe,justastarofwoodenbeams,wasablaze.Anditwasallgone.Gone.
Icouldn’tstandit.Icouldn’tacceptit.TheplaceI’dthoughtofaseternal,somehow,wasgoneinflameandash.
Iturned,andsawAbdullah.Hewasononekneeintheopenspace,nearthemosque.Hehadtheboyking,Tariq,inhisarms.Peoplewerestandingback,awedbytheirownreverence.Abdullahcradledtheboy,butTariq’sheadhadalreadyfallentowardthegrave,andhisstrongyoungarmswereseaweedintheoceanoftime
Thefightingstopped.Thecopsestablishedanewbarricadearespectfuldistanceaway.Peoplerushedthroughittotouchthedeadboy’scloak.
‘Nazeer?’IaskedAbdullah,whenIcouldpushthroughthethornofmourners.‘Didyouseehim,inside?’
‘Itookhisbodyfromthisboy’s,’Abdullahsaid,stillkneeling,stillcrying.‘Heisnomore.Icouldnotsavehisbody.Hewasdeadandburning,asItookTariq.’
Abdullahwasalsoadyingman,andwebothknewit.He’dpromisedhislifetoKhaderbhaiasashieldfortheboy,andtheboywasdead.Thelimpbodywasatatteredflag,drapedonAbdullah’sknee.Ifittookhislastbreath,AbdullahwouldmakethemenwhokilledTariqandNazeerseethesameflagintheireyes,beforetheydied.
‘Areyousurehewasdead?’
Helookedatme,Iraniandesertsdriftingacrosshiseyes.
‘Alright,alright,’Isaid,tooshockedtodoanythingbutagree.
Nazeerwasapillar,astonepillar:themanwhotellsyouthestorylongaftereveryoneelsehasdied.
‘Hewasalreadydead,whenyoufoundhim?’
‘Yes.Hisbodywasburned,ontheback,buthissacrificepreservedthefaceandbodyofTariq.Theywereshot,Lin.Bothofthem.Andtheirguardsarenowheretobefound.’
Mourners,mourningviolently,shovedmeasidetotouchthefallenking.Iscrambledthroughaquicklygatheringcrowdthatnopoliceropecouldhold.Peoplewerecomingfromeverystairwayandnarrowlane.IbrokethroughtothemainstreetandclamberedoverthecollapsingwallofbicyclesandhandcartstofindRavi,standingnexttomybike.
‘Gladtoseeyou,man,’hesaid.‘Ineedmybike.There’sgonnabehelltonight.’
Ifhellmeansfireandfury,hewasright.Outragebreaksthedamoftemper.Themurderinthemansion,whichalsothreatenedabelovedmosque,wouldreleasewavesofwolves,andweallknewit.Thebeautifulcity,thetolerantIslandCity,wasn’tsafeanymore.
IwonderedwhereKarlawas,andifshewassafe.
Iunlockedmychain,setourbikesfree,andwejammedourwaybacktoColaba.RavisplitawayfrommeatMetroJunctiontomeethisbrothersinarms.IranupthestairsattheAmritsarhotel,checkingtoseeifKarlawasthere.
‘Youneedashower,’Jaswantsaid.‘Andachangeofclothes.’
MyT-shirtwasamystery,rippedoffinthefight.Myvestwasscorchedandblackened.Mybarearmsandchestwerecoveredinashandscratches.
‘Haveyouseenher?’
‘Shewenttoseetherace.’
‘Thanks.’
‘Fuckyou,baba,’hesaid,asItookthestepsfouratatime.
IhadtofindtheplacewhereKarlawouldwatchalegendaryrace.Myguesswasthatshe’dbedrawntothemostdangerousturnonthecourse:theplacewhereFateandDeathmightwatchtogether,withapicnichamper.
Itwasn’teasytogetthere.Thecitywasstartingonlockdown,andIhadtobribecopsatfourcheckpoints,justtokeepmyknives.
Inter-communaldisharmonycancostlivesinthethousands,anywhereinIndia,eveninatolerantcitylikeBombay.Thecopslockedthestreetsdowntight,whileamosquewasneartoflames,andHinduswerethoughttoblame.
BythetimeIreachedthevantagepointtheracewasalreadyrun,andthetrafficcopswererespondingtoreportsofariotinNullBazaar.AmobiscomingfromDongri,Iheardpoliceradiossaying,againandagaininMarathi.
IrodedowntotheHajiAlijuicecentre.IthoughtthatNaveenmightcelebrateorcommiseratetheracethere,becauseitwasoneofthefewpublicplacesstillpubliclyopen.
TherewerepeopleonthestreetsasIrode,runningtowardtheHindutemple,andtheMuslimshrine.They’dheardthatpartsofthepredominantlyMuslimareaofDongriwereinflames.
Ihadtoweavebetweenthem,stoppingnowandthenforpanickedpeoplewhorandirectlyinfrontofmeontheroad.IslitheredtoastopatHajiAli,pullingmybikeupsomedistancefromalonglineofforeignmotorcycles,parkedinfront.Iglancedinsidetheseatedsectionofthejuicebar,andsawNaveen,sittingwithKavitaSingh.
Ilookedbacktothebikerboygroup.Therewasaslimgirlinniqabsunglasses,aredleatherjacket,whitejeansandredsneakers:Benicia.Shewassittingonherbike,amattblackvintage350ccwithclip-onhandlebars.ThewordIshq,meaningPassionateLove,waspaintedonthepetroltank.
Therewereaboutadozenpeople,allofthemdressedincolouredleathers,despitetheheat.Ididn’tknowanyofthem.Aheadturnedtowardme.ItwasKarla.
Karlasmiled,butIdidn’tknowwhathereyessaidtome.ItwaseitherI’msogladyou’rehere,orDon’tdoanythingstupid.Iwalkedthedistancebetweenus,andtookherarm.
‘Ihavetotalktoyou,Karla.’
TheboyracersonJapanesemotorcycleswerelookingmeover.Iwasashes,scratches,andburned-blackmarks.
‘Whathappened?’sheasked.
‘Khader’shouse,’Isaid.‘It’sgone.NazeerandTariq,bothgone.’
Apsychicthing,butathingrealenoughtomakehershudder,forkedthroughherbody,jerkingherheadbackindistress.Shefellintomeandslungherarmaroundmywaistaswewalkedbacktomybike.Shesatonthebike,herbacktothegroupoutsidethejuicebar.
‘Youlookhurt,’shesaid.‘Areyouokay?’
‘It’snothing,I–’
‘Wereyouthere,atthefire?’
‘Yeah,I–’
‘Lunatic!’shesnapped,simmeringqueens.‘Thingsaren’tdangerousenough,withoutyouhavetogoplaywithfire?WhyamItakingallthistroubletokeepyousafe,whenyoutakesomuchtroubletobeunsafe?’
‘ButI–’
‘Gimmeajoint,’shesaid.
Wesmoked.Iwaslisteningtothecops,inthepolicepostnearby,talkingaboutlockingthewholecitydownasPlanB,iftheriotingspreadbeyondCrawfordmarket,whichwasn’tfarenoughawayfromwherewewere.
Iwantedtogetheroutofthere.Iwantedtotakeherhome,dirtyandallasIwas.IwantedtotakeashowerandvisitherintheBedouintent.
Thebikerboyswerelookingatus.Theywerehoppeduponwatermelonjuiceandsomeoneelse’svictory.Youngmen,withgirlstoimpress:bodylanguage,lookingforanoffencenoonecommitted.
Fire,Iwasthinking.It’sgone.Allofit.Nazeer,Nazeer,Nazeer,theyshotyou,andburnedyou,mybrother.
‘He’sdead,theboy?’Karlaasked,grabbingaropeofdetail,andpullingmefromthefire.
‘Yes.Isawhim.Hewasdead,butuntouchedbythefire.Nazeershieldedhisbody.AbdullahbroughtTariq’sbodyoutofthebuilding,buthehadtoleaveNazeerinside.’
‘Maytheuniversecomfortthisyoung,returningsoul,’shesaid.
‘Comfortboththeirsouls.’
‘Boththeirsouls,’sherepeated.
‘Theywereshot,Karla,andtheirguardshavedisappeared.’
‘Areyousure?’
ForamomentIlookedatherasAbdullahhadlookedatmeontheburningstreet,anextinctlegacyinhisarms.
‘Okay,’shesaid.‘Okay.’
Abikerboyapproachedus.Imovedaroundthebike.
‘Areyouokay,Karla?’thebikerboyasked.‘Isthisguybotheringyou?’
‘No,Jack,’Isaid,unamiably.‘You’rebotheringme.Backoff.’
Hewasanicekid,probably,butitwasthewrongmomentonthewrongnight.Andbesides,Iwastalkingtomygirl.
‘Whothefuckareyou?’
‘I’mtheguywho’stellingyoutobackoff,Jack,whileyoucan.’
‘Goandsitdown,Abhay,’Karlasaid,herbackturned.
‘Anythingforyou,Karla,’Abhaysaid,hisshinyjacketcreakinglikestairsashebowed.‘Ifyouneedme,I’mjustoverhere.’
Hebackedaway,glaringatmeuntilherejoinedhisfriends.
‘Nicekid,’Isaid.
‘They’reallnicekids,’shesaid.‘Andthey’reallgoingtothepartytonight.’
‘Whatparty?’
‘ThepartythatIuninvitedyouto.’
‘Uninvitedme?’
‘Youwereinvited,butIuninvitedyou.’
‘Whoinvitedme,beforeyouuninvitedme?’
Sheturnedherheadalittletotheside.
‘Thehostess,ifyoumustknow.’
‘Whatpartyarewetalkingabout,again?’
‘Aspecialparty,andbelieveitornot,Ihadtopullstringstocutyoufromthelist.Youshouldfeelokayaboutthat.’
‘Idon’tfeelokayaboutanything,rightnow.’
AnotherbikerboyapproachedusbehindKarla’sback,staringatme.Thenewbikerboywasupsetaboutsomething.Iputmyhandup,withahardfacebehindit,andhestopped.
‘Don’t.’
Hebackedawayagain.
‘Takeiteasy,Lin,’Karlasaid,closeenoughtokiss.
‘Thisisaseasyasitgets,tonight.’
‘They’refriends.Notgoodfriends,andnotclosefriends,butusefulfriends.’
‘Comewithme,Karla.’
‘Ican’t–’shebegan.
‘Youcan.’
‘Ican’t.’
‘Iwon,Lin!’Naveensaid,runninguptohugme.‘Whatarace.Thatgirlisphenomenal,butIwon.Didyouseeit?’
‘Great,Naveen,’Isaid.‘Tellyourbikerboystocalmdown.’
‘Oh,them?’Helaughed.‘They’rehot-headed,buttheyjustliketoride,man.’
‘Speakingofriding,’Karlasaid,‘I’mtwo-upwithBeniciatonight.’
‘You’re…what?’
‘NaveenisbringingKavitatothecostumeparty,andI’monBenicia’sback.Ihopeyou’regoodwiththat?’
Iwassobadwithit,IwantedtopickupmotorcyclesandthrowthematGod.
‘Youknowwhat,’Naveensaid,watchingKarlaandme.‘I’lljustbeoverthere,whenwe’rereadytoroll.’
Hebackedawayafewsteps,andthenjoggedtomeethisfriends.
‘IfIhavetogetburnedorbeatuptotalktoyou,Karla,’Isaid,whenwewerealone,‘weprobablyneedcounselling.’
‘Speakforyourself,’shesaid,leaningawayfromme.‘Counsellingisforpeopletooboredtotellthetruth.’
‘That’sfunny,comingfromsomeonewhowon’ttellmethetruthrightnow.’
‘Ican’ttellyouallofthetruth.Ithoughtyouunderstoodthat?’
‘Idon’tunderstandanything.Areyoureallygoingwiththosepeopletonight?’
Sheglancedoverhershoulder,andturnedbacktomeagain.
‘Thispartyissomethingdifferent.Doyoubelieveme,thatI’mgoingtothisparty,andIuninvitedyou,becauseIloveyou?’
‘WhatImeanis,you’regoingtoaparty,anyparty,nomatterhowimportantitis,afterwhathappenedtonight?’
Sheflaredherlipsforasecond,showingherteeth,lockedtogether.Hereyesopenedwide.Iknewthelook.Itwasn’tthreatening:itwasbitingbacksomethingthatwouldhurtme.Ididn’tcare.
‘Youknewthem,Karla.We’retalkingaboutNazeer.Idon’tknowaboutyou,butallIwanttodorightnowisbewithyou.’
‘It’shard,whathappenedtotheboy–’
‘AndtoNazeer.’
‘AndtoNazeer.SweetNazeer.’
Shestopped,memoriesoftheburlyAfghanrubbingattheedgesofherresolution.KarlaandIbothlitthesamelampwhenwesawNazeer’sdeeplylinedfaceandhisfierce,scowlingsmile,asheopenedthedoorofthemansion.
Shetookadeepbreath,smiledatme,andtookmyhandinhers.
‘Thispartyreallyisimportant,Lin.Itwillopenalotofsecretdoors,andit’sgonnaletmecloseadoorthatIprobablyshouldn’thaveopenedinthefirstplace.’
‘Whatdoor?’
‘It’stoosoon.Please,trustme.Please.JusttrustmewhenIsaythatthispartycouldgivemeachancetowalkawayfromallofthis,andlivewithit,foralongtimeafterwards,withoutlookingback.’
‘Whyisthepartysoimportant?’
‘God!Youwon’tleaveitalone,willyou?Andyouwon’ttrustme.’
‘Yougivemesolittle,Karla.Andthisisabadnight.I’msorry.IguessI’malittlefaith-challenged.’
Shelookedatme,maybealittledisappointed,maybesimplylookingatthedisappointmentonmyface.
‘Alright,’shesaid.‘It’safetishparty.’
‘And…sowhat?’
‘It’sthefirstofitskindinBombay,andtheveilswillcomedownonalotofthepeoplethere.’
‘Howmanyveils?’
‘Allofthem,ofcourse,’shesaidsoftly,herhandonmycheek.‘That’swhyIuninvitedyou.’
‘What?’
‘Ilikeyouthewayyouare.Iloveyouthewayyouare.That’swhatthisisallabout,onewayandanother.I’mnotabouttocompromisethatbylettingyoulooseinBabylon.’
‘Butyou’regoing.’
‘I’mnotyou,baby,’shesaid.‘Andyou’renotme.’
‘Comewithme,Karla.’
‘Ihavetogo,Lin,’shesaid.‘I’vegotthingsIhavetofinish.Justtrustme.’
‘Everything’sfinished.Comewithme.’
‘Ihavetogo,’shesaid,standingtoleave,butIputfingersonherwristwhereabraceletmightrest.
‘Incaseyoudidn’thearit,thetrumpetblew.Thewallshavefallen.It’s–’
‘Abiblicalreference,’shesmiled.‘Tempting,Shantaram.Moretemptingthanthedamnparty,butIgottago.’
‘I’mnotkidding.It’snotatimetoparty.It’satimetofortify,anddefend.It’sgonnagetmessy.Placesaregonnaburn.Streetswillburn.Weshouldgetinsomesupplies,waitthisout,andthenfindanothertown.’
ShelookedatmesolovinglythatIwasswimminginariverofhonestaffection,andhadnoideahowI’dlefttheshore.
‘It’sthethingsthatmakeusone,thatmakeusoneworthhaving,’shesaid.
Iwasallout.Shewastooclose.Thelightsfromthehecticdrive-injuicebarlitneonfireinhereyes,andIwasburning,again.
‘Whatdoesthatmean?’
‘Don’tgiveuponme,’shewhispered.
‘But–’
‘Don’tyoudaregiveuponme,’shesaid.
Shekissedme.ShekissedmesotrulythatshewasalreadygonewhenIopenedmyeyes.
Sherantojointhebikerboys.Theywererevvingtheirengines.SheclimbedupbehindBenicia.
TheSpanishracergirlpulledonafull-facehelmetandshutthevisor:ablackcurveoflightswherehereyeshadbeen.Shetookherprivacyseriously,andyoucan’tobjecttothat.ButKarlawasonthebackofherbike,andIwantedtoobjecttothat.Benicialeanedovertogripthelow-slunghandlebars,andKarlaleanedinclosetoher.
Thenshesatuprightandlookaround,hereyesfindingminewithoutsearching.Shesmiled.
Don’tgiveuponme.
ShefoldedherselfagainstBenicia’sback.
KavitagotupbehindNaveen.Hemadeanartfulloopinfrontofthejuicebar,andpulledupbesideme.
‘Whyaren’tyoucoming,Lin?’heasked,astheotherbikerboysrevvedtheirengines.
Therewasafire,Iwasthinking.Peopledied.Nazeerdied.Partsofthecityarelockeddown.Buthewashappy.Hewasawinner.Icouldn’ttakethataway.
‘Havefun,Naveen.I’llseeyouinacoupleofdays.’
‘Surething.’
Hestartedrevvinghisengine.
‘Behold,theUninvited,’Kavitasaid,asNaveenpreparedtoleave.‘Whatthing,insideyou,wastooterribletoinvitetoaweekendparty,Lin?’
Naveenthumpedthegasandskiddedoffunderclutch,andthebikerboysfollowedhim.
Karlathrewherarmswide,asBeniciaroaredaway.
Don’tgiveuponme.
Iwasburned,scratched,beatup,coveredinashes,andalonewiththedeadinacitygoingintolockdown.
Don’tyoudaregiveuponme.ChapterSixty-Seven
IrodebacktotheAmritsarandclimbedthestairs,oneatatime,mybodyheavierthanwill.
‘Youwereright,Jaswant,’Isaid,asIpassedhisdeskonmywaytomyroom.‘Ineedashower.’
‘Itoldyouso!Andthere’snohotwater,now,andthewholecityisgoingcrazy,soservesyouright,baba,andgoodnight,sleeptight.’
Isatatmydesk,openedmyjournal,andwrotewhatIfeltandwhatI’dseenthatnight.Ashfrommyhandandarmsmudgedthepages.Mylefthand,pressingthejournalflat,madefingerprints,perfectlyarrangedanddeeplydefined,whilemyrighthanddescribedthesceneofthecrime.
Blackinkflamesranacrossthepages.Flamesreflectedinapoliceman’seye,flamereflectingchrome-blueoffawallofbicycles,neonflamesfrommotorcycleexhaustsandsteelboots,scrapingrebelsparksfromtherighteousroundaboutofrevenge.
WhenIcouldn’twriteanymoreItookabottleandhittheshowerprisonstyle,withallmyclotheson.
Idranksome,andwashedmydirtyclothes,peelingthemawayonetexturedleafatatime,anddranksomemore,andwashedmydirtierbody,myskinsourwiththescentsoffear,andhernon-identicaltwin,violentfear.
Theywereshot.Killed.Burned.They’redead
Cleananddriedandnaked,Iclosedthecurtains,banningthedaytocome,lockedallmylocks,putweaponsaroundtheroomwhereverIthoughtImightneedthem,playedmusiconmybadsoundsystem,saidaprayerofthanksformybadsoundsystem,andIpaced.
Whenyoudoenoughtimeinacell,youlearntowalk,becausewalkingstillsthevoiceinside,callingyoutorun.
Don’tyoudaregiveuponme.
Iwalked.Idranksomemore.Themusicgotlouder,ormaybeitjustsoundedlouder.IwasridingaBobMarleywavetoabrightershore,andIwantedtolookatKarla’ssmile,andIrealisedthatIdidn’thaveaphotographofKarla.
IsearchedeverythingIhadwithoutsuccess,anddecidedthatajointmighthelp.ThejointfoundlotsofinterestingstuffIdidn’tknowIhad,includingafriendlycricketthatdidn’tsing,whichIrelocatedtothebalcony,buttherewasnopictureofKarla.
Iwasgettingalittlehigh,andthefirstthingIwroteinmyjournal,afterthefruitlesssearch,wasaquestion.
IsKarlareal?
Iwrotealotofotherthings.Irecitedpoetry.When,indisgracewithfortuneandmen’seyes,Ibegan,andIgottolikehimwithfriendspossessed,whensomeoneseeminglypossessedstartedbangingonthedoor.
Iwentonwithmywardanceforthedead,andthebangingstopped,andthedrumminginthemusicthumpedmearoundtheroom,andIcouldwriteagain.
IwrotepagesofnotesonNazeer.Departedlovedonesneverleavetheheart,butthelivingpictureofthemfades,paledinmemory’sriver.IwantedtowriteNazeer,beforeIcouldn’t.Iwantedtowritethoseeyes,sooftenliketheeyesofananimal,ahuntinganimal,unknowableandcapableofanything:thosemountaineyes,borninsightoftheplanet’speak,thatweresoseldomlampsinsidethecaveofhistenderness.
Iwrotethehumour,hiddeninravinesofhisgrimacing.Iwrotetheshadowthatcoveredhisfaceinanylight,asiftheashenendwasstampedonhisfacefromthebeginning.
Iwrotehishands,thoseKomodoclaws,thedarkearthofearlylabouryearsbrandingthemforlife:Martiancanalsoflinesandwrinklesonhisknuckledfingers,someofthemasdeepascutsfromaknife.
IwroteTariq.Iwroteaboutthelittlebeadsofsweatthatbrokeoutonhislipwheneverhewaspretendingtobesomeoneelse.Iwrotetheprecisioninhismovements,asifhislifewasateaceremonythatneverended.
AndIwrotehowhandsomehewas.Therewasahandsomemanalreadygrowingintheawkwardboy:afacethatwouldmakegirlsthinkabouthimatleasttwice,andabraveeyethatwouldchallengeeverymanhemet.
Itriedtowritehim,tokeephim,tosavehim,andNazeer,inwordsthatmightlive.
Iwroteuntilsomethingranout,oreverythingranout,andIreachedthatplacewherewordsstopandthinkingstopsandthere’sonlyemotion,feeling,alonelyheartbeatsoundingthroughcolderdepthsoftheoceaninside,andIslept,dreamingofKarla,pullingmefromahouseonfire,herkissesburningloveonmyskin.PartTwelve
ChapterSixty-Eight
Iwoketofindthatitwasn’tKarla’skissesburningmyskin:I’dfallenasleepwithmyfaceonastatueofLordShiva,andHistridenthadcarvedamarkonmycheek.Ihittheshowerandwashedupagain,determinedtokeepthedoorlockedforacoupleofdays,andmaybecontinuemywakeforthedead.ButwhenIdriedoffandlookedinthemirror,thetridentmarkwasstillthere.Itseemedasifitwouldlastafewdaysbeforefading.AndIknew,staringatthatfolly,thatifIgotsowastedthatIbrandedmyownface,whentherewereenemieswho’dhappilyscaritforme,itwastimetostopgettingwasted.
Andwiththatsoberingthought,itoccurredtomethatKarlamight’veleftherfetishpartyearly,andcouldbestrandedsomewhereintheIslandCity,becauseoftherioting.Idressedinbattlegear,didapocketcheck,andwalkedintotheentryhall.Therewasabarricadeoffurnitureagainstthedoorleadingtothestairs.Itwascommonpracticeinhotelsduringapolicelockdownofthecity,inthoseyears,tokeepguestssafeononesideofabarricade,andlootersorriotersontheother.
‘ThewholeofSouthBombayislockeddown,’Jaswantsaid,readinghisnewspaper.‘Iwasluckytogetthisnewspaper.Andno,youcan’thaveituntilI’mfinished.’
‘Where?’
‘Youcan’thaveitanywhere.There’salinebeforeyou,baba.’
‘Imean,where’sthelockdown?’
‘Everywhere.’
AlockdownmeantthatIcouldn’ttravelanywhereinthecityduringdaylight:nobodycould.
‘Forhowlong?’
‘Whatthefuckdoyoucare?’
‘Fuckit,Jaswant.What’syourhunch?Oneday,orfour?’
‘Givenallthefiresandriotinglastnight,I’vegotthebookiesonthreedays,’hereplied.‘AndIrepeat,whatthefuckdoyoucare?’
‘Threedays?Idon’tthinkI’vegotenoughinspirationforthreedays.’
‘Inspiration!’Jaswantsaid,puttingdownthenewspaperandswinginghisswankynewexecutivechairroundtofaceme.
Hethrewaswitchonhisdesk,andapanelslidopeninthewallbesideme.Itwasasecretcupboardfilledwithalcohol,cigarettes,snackfoods,tinycerealpackets,cartonsofmilk,boxesofsugarcubes,potsofhoney,tunafish,bakedbeans,matches,candles,firstaidkits,andindiscerniblethingspickledinjars
Hethrewanotherswitch,andacascadeoftinycolouredlightsrotatedaroundthecupboard.
‘Hey,’heasked,peeringatthetridentonmyface,illuminatedbyhiscolouredlights.‘Doyouknowyou’vegotaTrishulamarkonyourface?’
‘Let’snotgettoopersonal,Jaswant.’
Hewavedahandathiscupboardofpleasures.
‘Alwayshappytokeepthingsonabusinesslevel,baba,’hesaid,raisinghiseyebrowsinsequence.‘There’smusic,too.’
Hethrewanotherswitch,andBhangradancemusicstompedoutofspeakersonhisdesk.Thepaperweightdancedwiththestaplerontheglass-toppedsurface,jitteringbackandforthacrossJaswant’sreflectedsmile.
‘WeSikhshavelearnedtoadapt,’heshouted,overthemusic.‘YouwannasurviveWorldWarThree,moveintoaSikhneighbourhood.’
Heletthesongplaytotheend,anditwasaprettylongsong.
‘Inevergettiredofthat,’hesighed.‘Wannahearitagain?’
‘No.Thanks.Iwannabuyyourbooze,beforeDidierdoes.’
‘Didier’snothere.’
‘Idon’twannataketherisk.’
‘That’s…justaboutthesmartestthingyoueversaidtome.’
‘Peopledon’tlaysmartonyou,Jaswant,becauseyourattitudeiswrong.’
‘Fuckattitude,’hesaid.
‘Theprosecutionrests.’
‘Attitudedoesn’tpaymyrent.’
‘Wrapupsomerentforme,Jaswant.’
‘Alright,alright,keepyourwrinklyfuckingshirton,baba,’hesaid,joiningmeatthewindowandbaggingthesuppliesIpointedout.
‘Haveyougotanypre-rolledjoints?’Iasked.
‘Sure,I’vegotfives,tens,fifteens–’
‘I’lltakethem.’
‘Whatthem?’
‘Allofthem.’
‘Chee,chee!Didn’tanyoneeverteachyoutheartofbusiness,man?’
‘Gimmethestuff,Jaswant.’
‘Youdon’tevenknowwhatitcosts,man.’
‘Howmuchdoesitcost,Jaswant?’
‘Afuckingbundle,man.’
‘Done.Wrapitup.’
‘Thereyougoagain.You’vegottofightfortheprice,oritisn’treallytheprice.You’recheatingme,whenyoudon’tbargainmetothefairprice,evenifIcomeoutinfront.It’showit’sdone,man.’
‘Tellmethefairprice,Jaswant,andI’llpaythat.’
‘You’renotgettingme,’hesaidpatiently,teachinganape.‘Thegame,forbothofus,istodiscoverthefairprice.That’stheonlywaytoknowwhatanythingcosts.Ifwedon’talldothat,we’llbefucked.It’sspoilerslikeyouwhomesseverythingup,becauseyou’llpayanything,foranything.’
‘Ipaywhatitcosts,Jaswant.’
‘Letmetellyousomething.Youcan’toptoutofthatsystem,man,nomatterhowhardyoutry.Bargainingisthebedrockofbusiness.Didn’tanyoneeverteachyouthat?’
‘Idon’tcarewhatitcosts.’
‘Everybodycareswhatitcosts.’
‘Idon’t.IfIcan’taffordit,Idon’twantit.IfIwantit,andIcanaffordit,Idon’tcarewhatitcostsinmoney.That’swhatmoney’sfor,isn’tit?’
‘Money’sariver,man.Someofusgowiththecurrent,andsomeofuspaddletotheshore.’
‘EnoughwiththeoldSikhsayings.’
‘It’sanewSikhsaying.Ijustmadeitup.’
‘Wrapmystuff,Jaswant.’
Jaswantsighed.
‘Ilikeyou,’hesaid.‘I’llneversaythatinpublic,becauseI’mnotshowyinpublic.Everybodyknowsthat.ButIlikeyou,andIseesomeinterestingqualitiesinyou.Ialsoseesomeerrorsinyourspiritualthinking,andbecauseIlikeyou,I’dbehappytorealignyourchakrasforyou,sotospeak.’
‘You’vemadethatspeechbefore,haven’tyou?’Iasked,takingmytwosacksofessentialstuff.
‘Afewtimes.’
‘Howdiditgoover?’
‘Icansellastory,Lin.IonceplayedOthello,in–’
‘Nicedoingbusinesswithyou,Jaswant.’
‘That’sit!’hesaid.‘That’swhatIwastryingtotellyoubefore!Ilikeyou,see,butwhenyou’relikeachild,andyou’renotachild,youtakeallthefunoutofbeinganadult,see?’
Cuemusic.HepunchedtheBhangramusicawake.
Istashedmysupplies,atetwocansofcoldtuna,sharpenedmykniveswhilethefoodsettled,andthendidpush-upsandchin-upsuntilnightgavemethechancetomoveacrossthecity.
Afullbandobast,orshutdownofthecity,isimpossibletonegotiatebydaylight.AnyoneonHighStreetathighnoonisavictim,orsoontobe.Thecopswerescared.Thereweren’tenoughofthemtostopthepeople,whenthepeoplewenttowarwithoneanother,ortosavethebanks.Theshutdownmadeeverythingmuchclearerforthecops:ifyou’reonthestreet,you’remeat.
‘I’mgoingout,Jaswant,’Isaid,justbeforemidnight.
‘Thefuckyouare.Thatbarricadestays.’
‘I’llmakeamessofit,ifIpullitdown,’Isaid,movingtothebarricade.
‘Noway!’hesaid,comingaroundhisdesktoeasethebarricadeawayfromthedoor.‘Thisisanintricatedefence.MyParsifriendcoulddoitbetter,Iwishhewerehere.Butit’sgoodenoughtokeepthezombiesout.’
‘Zombies?’
‘Thisishowitstarts,man,’hesaidanxiously.‘Everybodyknowsthat.’
Henudgedtheartworkofchairsandbenchesawayfromthedoor,andopeneditaslendercrack.
‘You’llneedacodeword,’hesaid.
‘Whatfor?’
‘Togetbackin.SoI’llknowit’syou.’
‘Howabout,Openthedoor.’
‘Somethingmorepersonal,Iwasthinking.’
‘IfImakeitback,andyoudon’topenthedoor,I’llbreakitdown.’
‘How?’
‘Thehingesareontheoutside,Jaswant.’
‘Hinges!’hehissed.‘MyParsifriendwould’vethoughtofthat.I’llbethiszombiebarricadeisflawless.’
‘Justopenthefuckingdoor,Jaswant,whenIcomeback.’
‘Comebackuninfectedplease,’hesaid,shovingthebarricadeagainstthedoor
NightisTruthwearingapurpledress,andpeopledancedifferentlythere.ThesafestwaytogetaroundatnightduringashutdowninBombay,ifyouabsolutelyhavetogetaround,istorideonthebackofatrafficcop’smotorcycle.
Iknewagoodcop,whoneededthemoney.Corruptionisataximposedonanysocietythatdoesn’tpaypeopleenoughtorepelitthemselves.Hisstory,atroadblocks,wasthatIwasatranslator,avolunteer,whowaswarningtouriststostayoffthestreetsatnight.
Andwedidencounterabewilderedtourist,hereandthere,ontherounds:peoplewithbackpacks,notpackedforbarricadedhotelsinaghostcity,andwhoweregladtoseeacop,withaforeignertaggingalong.
Wedriftedthroughmostcheckpointsonidle,answeringquestionswithashoutandawave,andIrodearoundthesilentcitybehindacop,withagun,payinghimbythehourtohelpmefindKarla,onhisrounds.Iwantedtobeatherside,ortoknowshewassafe.
Legendsarewritteninbloodandfire,andthestreetswereredenoughtowritenewones.ThetrafficcopescortingmesaidthatviolentclasheshadbrokenoutneartheNabilamosque.Somehaddied,andmanymorehadbeenwounded.Themosquewasintact,withnotatiledamaged.Peoplecalleditamiracle,forgettinghowmanyfiremenhadbeeninjuredtosavethesacredspace.
‘Itisanicelyimpressivetime,’DominicthetrafficcopsaidIndianly,callingoverhisshoulderasherodejustabovestallingspeed,onemptystreets.
‘Impressivelyscary,Dominic.’
‘Exactly!’helaughed.
‘Let’strytheMaheshhotel,’Isuggested.
‘Thisisatimetotellyourgrandchildrenabout,’Dominicsaid,veeringtowardtheMahesh,andstaringthroughshadowcurtainsintoeverydesertedlaneway.‘Atimewhenghostsroamedfreely,inBombay.’
Wedidn’tfindKarla,butwefoundhercar.Whenwedrewalongside,wefoundRandallatthewheel,andVinsoninthebackseat.
Randallhisseddownthewindow.Vinsonwashissingdownascotch.
‘Hi,Randall.Where’sKarla?’
‘Idon’tknow,sir.Ihaven’tseenhersincesheleftonthemotorcycle,withMissBenicia.’
‘Ifoundher!’Vinsonsaidfromthebackseat,alittledrunk.
Iturnedtofacehim.
‘Where?’
‘Inanashram!’hesaidhappily.
‘Karla,inanashram?Notunlessshe’sbuyingit.’
‘NotKarla.Rannveig.Naveenfoundher.She’sinanashram,aboutahundredmilesfromhere.I’mgonnagothere,assoonasallthiscalmsdown.’
IturnedbacktoRandall.
‘What’sgoingon?’
‘MyinstructionwastomeetMissKarlaattheAmritsarhotel,’hesaid.‘Butthebandobastcamedownsofast,andthepolicewouldn’tallowmetomove,andIwouldn’tabandonthevehicle,soIgotstuckhere,sir.’
‘Andthepassenger?’
‘MrVinsondivedintothecarwhenalooter,tryingtostealacarlikethisone,wasshotatinthisstreet,attwoo’clockthisafternoon,sir.’
‘Luckyformeyouopenedthedoor,Randall,’Vinsonsaid,openingtheliquorcabinet.
‘Andyou’vebeenhereeversince?’
‘Yes,sir,waitingforanopportunitytorendezvouswithMissKarla,attheAmritsarhotel.’
‘TheMaheshisonlyfivehundredmetresaway,Randall,’Isaid.‘Thisisn’tanighttobeout.You’dbesaferinthere.’
‘Iwillnotabandonthevehicle,sir,unlessmylifeisinthebalance.Iamperfectlycomfortable.But,perhapsMrVinsonwouldcaretomakearunforit.’
‘Noway,man,’Vinsonslurred.‘Iwannabealive,tofindmygirl.She’sinanashram.That’s,like,heavyshit,man.’
IlookedatDominic.
Thiswillcostyou,hislooksaid,andfairenough.Iwasaskingalot.
‘MakeitaPresscar,’hesaid,wagginghishead.‘We’llgetthrough.’
‘Haveyougotapen,andwhitepaper?’Iasked.‘CanyoumakeaPRESSsign?’
Theybickeredaboutdrawingthesign,aspeopledo,evenwhenveryimportantthingsareatstake,butfinallyagreedonthedraft.
Randallplaceditonthedashboard,proppedagainstthewindowbyoneofKarla’sshoes.
Dominiccruisedusthroughcheckpointaftercheckpoint.Randallsaluted.Vinsondrank,impersonatingthepress.
AtthealleybehindtheAmritsar,IpaidDominicandthankedhimforhishelp.
‘You’reagoodguy,Lin,’hesmiled,pocketingthemoney.‘IfIthoughtyouwereabadguy,I’dshootyou.Seeyouintwohours.Don’tworry.We’llfindyourgirl.ThisisBombay,yaar.Bombayalwaysfindsawaytolove.Getsomerest.’
Herodeaway,thethrumofthemotorcycleremindingthosebehindshuttersanddoorsthatsomeonewasthere:abraveman,maintainingorder.ChapterSixty-Nine
WhenDominicleft,RandallslippedaroundthecartoopenthedoorforVinson.Beforehecouldreachittherewasavoicefromthealleyway,andwebothstopped.
‘Iwarnedyou,’MadameZhousaid.‘IwarnedyoutostayawayfromKavitaSingh.’
Hergoons,thetwinsandtheacidthrowers,peeledofftheirskinofshadows.Iwasabouttoanswer,butRandallsteppedforward,standingbesideme.
‘Please,’hesaid,quietly.
‘Igotthis,Randall,’Isaid,tryingtowatchfivedangerousmindsatthesametime.‘MadameZhoudoesaregularshowinthisalley,andsomehowIalwaysgetaticket.’
Shelaughed,butshewastheonlyone.
‘Please,allowmetospeak,’Randallsaidsoftly.‘I’vebeenwaitingforthis.’
Hemeantit.Iallowedhim.
‘Permitmetopresentmyselftoyou,Madame,’hesaid,addressingtheveiledfigure.‘IamRandallSoares,oneoftwomenwhostandherefortheWoman.IfanyharmcomestotheWoman,Iwillkillyou,andallyourpets.Thisisyourlastwarning,Madame.Leaveusalone,ordie.’
Hehadguts.ItwasmorethanI’dhavesaid,inhisplace,becauseIknewthatMadameZhou’sspecialtywassecond-handrevenge.IwashopingthatRandalldidn’thaveafamilythatcouldbetracedthroughhisname.
Randallhadhishandinthepocketofhisjacket.Theacidthrowershadtheirhandsintheirpockets.Ihadmyhandsonmyknives.MadameZhoumovedbackwardsintothealleywayuntilshadowsateheragain.
‘RandallSoares,’shesaid,thelastwordarattlesnake’shiss.‘RandallSoares.’
Thepetsbackedintotheshadows.Thealleywassilent.
‘GetintouchwithanySoaresthatyouknow,’Iadvisedhim.‘Thatwomanisallgrudge.’
‘Ihavenofamily,’Randallsaid.‘Iamanorphan,givenupatbirth,andneveradoptedfromtheorphanagethatIleft,attheageofsixteen.MadameZhoucannothurtafamilyIdon’thave.’
‘You’dreallykillthem?’
‘Wouldn’tyou,sir?’
‘I’mhopingtostopitbeforeitcomestothat.Areyouex-army?’
‘No,sir,IndianNavyMarines.’
‘Marines,huh?Forhowlong?’
‘Sixyears,sir.’
‘Whathappened?’Vinsoncalledfromthecar.
‘Bat’sinthewrongbelfry,sir,’Randallsaid,openingthedoorforhim.‘Asmallfist,knockingonHell’sgate.’
‘Sofrickinggreattogetoutintheair,’Vinsonsaid,stretching.‘Iwasinthatcarforhours.Igottapiss,man,likeurgently.’
Hemadeforthenearestwall.
‘Getcivilised,Vinson,’Isaid.‘Holditin,untilyougetupstairs.Therearemotorcyclesparkedhere.’
Randallputthecarclosetoawallinthearchedalleyway,permittingtrafficthroughthelanebutallowingforaquickgetaway.
‘No-onewillmesswithit,’Isaid,asRandalllockedthecar.‘Youcancomeupstairs,andstretchyourlegs.’
‘Wonderful,sir.’
‘Enoughwiththesirbullshit,Randall.MynameisLin,orShantaram,ifyouprefer,butneversir.Youmightaswellcallmeboss.’
‘Thankyou,MrShantaram,’hesmiled,Goansunsetsgleaminginhiseyes.
‘CanIpisssomewhere?’Vinsonasked,ridingwavesonthefootpath.
RandallandIshuffledVinsonupthestairs,andIbangedonthedoor.
‘Openup,Jaswant.’
‘What’sthepassword?’Jaswantcalledfromtheothersideofthedoor.
‘Openthefuckingdoor,youmotherfucker,’Isaid,supportingVinson.
‘Lin!’Jaswantsaid,frombehindthedoor.‘Whatdoyouwant?’
‘WhatdoIwant,youlandlord’sexcuseforaPunjabi?Iwanttostrangleyouwithyourturban,andstabyouwithyourownkirpan.’
‘Overmybaptisedass,’hesaid.‘Whatdoyoureallywant?’
IlookedatRandall,whoseemedtobeenjoyinghimself.IlookedatVinson,droolingoffmyarm.Hewascertainlyenjoyinghimself.Ilookedatthelockeddoortomyownhotel.
‘Iwouldliketocomeinplease,Jaswant,’Isaid,assweetlyaspossiblewithclenchedteeth.
‘Noproblem,’hesaid.‘Doyouhaveanyinfectedwithyou?’
‘Openthefuckingdoor,Jaswant.’
Thebarricadescrapedandshudderedawayfromthedoor,andwescrambledinside.Jaswantshovedthesculpturebackintoplace,turnedquicklyandpointedatVinson,whowasswirlingdrunk.
‘Helooksinfected,’Jaswantsaid.
‘Ihavesogottapiss,’Vinsonsaid.
‘Isheleakingfluids?’Jaswantsaid,steppingbackapace.
‘He’llleakthemonthefloor,ifyoudon’tstoptalking,’Isaid,tryingtoescape.
‘Didyouseeanyinfectedoutthere?’Jaswantasked.
‘Enoughwiththezombies,’Isaid,leadingVinsontomyroom.‘ThisisRandall.’
‘Hi,Randall.I’mJaswant.Howwasitoutthere?’
‘Quietfornow,’Randallsaid.‘ButI’mcompletelywithyouonzombievigilance.Prudenceistheonlywisdom,wheretheundeadareconcerned.’
‘Exactly!’Jaswantsaid,returningtohischair.‘Ikeeptellingthem.Plagues.Chaos.Situationslikethis.It’salwayshowitbegins.’
‘Jaswant,’Isaid,tryingtokeepVinsonverticalandopenthedoortomyrooms,whichwassurprisinglydifficult.‘I’mgonnaneedmoresupplies.Asyoucansee,I’vegotguests.’
‘Youbetyourforeignerassyouhave,’helaughed.
IopenedthedoorandfoundDidierinmyroom,withOleg,Diva,andtheDivagirls,CharuandPari.
Theywereallincostume.Divawasinaleopard-printbodysuit.Didierhadabandonedhisgladiatortorso,exceptforaleathermask,butkeptthetutuandtights.OlegwasaRomansenator,insandals,andatogamadefromoneofmysheets.CharuandPariwerecatpeople,completewithtinyearsandlongtails.CharuwasPersiangrey,andPariwasnightblack.
‘Lin!’DidiersaidfromhisplacebesideDivaonamattressonthewoodenfloor.‘Wewerebeingfashionablylatefortheparty,andwewerestoppedatapoliceroadblockbeforewegotthere,sowereturnedhere,justasthewholecitywentintolockdown.’
‘Hi,Lin,’Divasaid.‘Doyoumindthatwe’rehere?’
‘Ofcourse,not.Happytoseeyou.Thisis–’
‘Randall,MissDiva,’Randallsaid.‘Andyourbeautifulfacebegsnointroduction.’
‘Wow,’CharuandParisaid.
‘Hi,I’mVinson,’Vinsonsaid,‘andIfoundmygirlfriend.She’sinanashram.’
‘Wow,’CharuandParisaid.
‘ThisisCharu,’Divasaid.‘AndthisisPari.’
‘She’sinanashram,’Vinsonsaid,shakinghandswithPari.
‘Isshelike,possessed?’Pariasked.
‘Ordyingofanincurabledisease?’Charuoffered.
‘What?’Vinsonasked,swayingashetriedtofocusonthem.‘Youknow,Ireallygottapee.’
Isteeredhimtothebathroomandshutthedoor.
‘Youlookmessedup,Shantaram,’Divasaid,standingupandofferingherarms.‘Gimmeahug,yaar.’
Shehuggedme,andsatdownagainnexttoDidieronthemattress.Ilookedatthemattress.Itwasfamiliar.Iglancedthroughmybedroomdooratmybed.Themattresswasgone.Thebarewoodenbedwasacoffin.Mymattresswasonthefloor.
‘Ihopeyoudonotobject,Lin,’Didiersaid,drinkingmyzombierations.‘SinceweareallstuckherefortheDevilknowshowlong,itseemedliketheonlyviablesolution,tomovethemattresshere.’
‘Jaswant!’Icalledouttothemanager.‘Ihavemoreguests.I’lltakeeverythingyou’vegot!’
‘That’snothowit’sdone,baba,’hecalledback.‘Youknowthat.’
‘Jaswant,it’seitherme,orI’msendingDidierouttheretonegotiate.’
‘Apologyaccepted,’hesaid.‘Thestuffisyours.’
Hebroughtcardboardboxesintotheroom,andcasesofbottledwater.Hereturnedwithagasbottleandatwo-burnerstove.
Heshovedmyjournalsandnotestotheside,andinstalledthestove,lightingitwithabattery-poweredsparkershapedlikeapistol.Heturnedthegashighandlowandhighagain,asifreleasingfirefliesfromabottle.
‘Wow,’CharuandParisaid.
Jaswantbowed.
‘Restaurantsareclosed,’hesaid,‘andthere’snotake-out,nodeliveries,andnothingbutwhatyoucookyourselves,forwhoknowshowlong.’
‘We’regonnaneedmoretosmoke,’Isaid,atthedoortomyroom.
‘Thatcanbearranged,butitwon’tbecheap,withthislockdown.’
‘I’lltakeitall.’
‘Thereyougoagain.Haven’tyoulearnedanything?You’reamenacetohonestbusiness.’
‘Didier!’
‘Apologyaccepted.I’llbringthestuffalonglater.It’sinthetunnel.’
‘Thetunnel?’
‘Yes.’
‘There’satunnel,underneaththishotel?’
‘Ofcoursethere’satunnel.That’swhyIboughtit.Sikhs,survivingWorldWarThree,remember?’
‘CanIseeit?’
Hiseyesnarrowed.
‘I’mafraid…that’saboveyourpaygrade,’hesaid.
‘Fuckyou,Jaswant.’
‘Unless–’
‘Fuckyou,Jaswant.’
‘Unless,’hepersisted,‘thezombiesbreakthrough,andit’sourfinaloption.IfIhadthatphaserpistol,we’dbeoneasystreet.’
‘Enoughwiththezombies.’
‘You’renofunatall,’hesaid,walkingbacktohisdesk.‘Thestoveisarental.I’veputitonyourbill.’
Itookalookatthebarricade,thinkingofKarla,waitingforthetimetosearchagain,andglancedbackatthepeopleinmyroom.
Olegwasgoingthroughtheboxes.Hepulledoutsomepotsandpans.
‘Veryuseful,’hesaid.
‘Ifonlywe’dsavedaservant,’Parisaid.
Divalostit,laughingsohardthatshepulledherkneesuptoherchestandrolledherselfintoaverytightin-joke.
‘Noneedforservants,’Olegsmiled.‘HaveyouevertriedRussianfood?You’llgomadforit,Ipromiseyou.’
‘Wow,’CharuandParisaid.
OleghadsenttheT-shirtstoMoscow,onetoeachnon-identicaltwin,andbyDidier’sruleshewasfreetogetre-scentedwhilehewaitedforIrina,hispheromonepilgrim,torespond.
TheDivagirlslikedhim.Everybodylikedhim.Hell,Ilikedhim.ButallIcouldthinkofwasKarla,outthere,stuckinabuildingsomewhere,withnosecuritybutherown.
‘CanIhelpwiththecooking?’Vinsonchimedinashedrunk-shuffledoutofthebathroom.
‘Inadvisable,MrVinson,’Randallintoned.‘IsuspectthatMrOleg’sculinaryskillsareaspectatorsport,notabloodsport.’
‘Whoareyouagain?’Divaasked,leaningagainstDidieronthemattress.
‘He’sRandall,’Didiersaid.‘Itoldyouabouthim.He’samystery,explainedincleverphrases.’
‘I’mRandall,MissDiva,’Randallsaid.‘Andhonouredtomakeyourre-acquaintance.’
‘Please,comeandsitwithus,Randall,’shesaid,pattingthebed.
‘MayIrespectfullyrequest,MissDiva,thatMrVinsonbepermittedtojoinme?Heseemstohavebeenleftinmycharge,andIthinkheshouldgentlyrecline.’
‘Ofcourse,’Divasaid,pattingthemattress.‘Putithere,Vinson.’
‘Thankyousomuch,’Vinsonsaid,asRandalleasedhimintoasemi-slumponmymattress,oneofmypillowsbehindhishead.‘Mygirlfriendisinanashram,youknow.I’mafraidIgotalittletight,tonight,andactuallyevenyesternight,becauseshe’sinanashram,youknow,andthatmeans,like,Godisherboyfriendnoworsomething,andhowcanIfightthat?HowcananyonefightGod?And,like,ifHe’ssopowerful,whydoesn’tHegetHisowngirl?It’sgotmebeat.Itreallyhas.’
‘It’sgotyoubad,baby,’Divasaid.
‘It’sgoteverybodybad,ifyou’llpardonme,MissDiva,’Randallsaid.‘It’sthefightorflightofaffection.’
DivareachedacrossDidiertoputherhandonRandall’sarm.
‘IfIsaidI’ddoublewhatKarlaispayingyou,wouldyoujumpship,Randall?’
‘WorkingforMissKarlaisbeyondprice,’Randallsmiled.‘Itisaprivilege,so,withrespect,Iwillremainonboard,andhelpMissKarlamanalifeboat,ifrequired.’
Divasizedhimup,wanderingthroughhissmile.
‘We’regoingtogettoknowoneanotherconsiderablybetter,’shesaid,‘ifwestaylockeduphereallnight.’
‘Everyminuteinyourcompanyisanhonour,MissDiva.’
Ileftthatminutewiththem,honouredtobealoneforaminuteinmybedroom,butDivaquicklyfollowedme,spunmearound,andgrabbedthelapelsofmyvest.
‘IstheresomethingbetweenRandallandKarla?’shewhispered.
‘What?’
‘Ifthereis,Iwouldn’tpoachonherterritory.IlikeKarla.’
‘Poach?’
‘Butifthereisn’t,Itellyou,Lin,thisguyissohot.He’slikemeltingfuckinghot,yaar.’
PlacesinourbeautifulBombayareburning,Ithought.Placesaregone.Peoplearegone
‘Right,’Isaid,staringather,notunderstandingwhyshewasn’tpreparingforalockdownofthecitythatcouldlastfordays,butgladtoseeatiger-growloftheoldDiva.
‘So,it’scool,then?’
Shewassearchingmyeyesinnocently.
‘Yeah.’
‘Andthere’sabsolutelynothingbetweenKarlaandRandall?Because,Imean,he’ssohot,it’slikeprettyhardtobelieve,youknow?’
Worldsaren’tmeanttochangesoquickly,sostrangely,buttheyalwaysdo.Icouldn’tunderstandanyofit.KarlaridingwithBenicia,NaveenridingwithKavita,DivadancingwithRandall,myroomfilledwithpeopleridingoutthestorm.Ionlyhadoneropeinthatstorm:Karla,maybestucksomewhere,waitingformetocome.
‘You’recool,Diva.It’sokay.’
Sheskippedfromthebedroom,andIshutthedoorbehindher,leaningagainstitwithoutlockingit.Ididn’twantthemtohearthesoundofthelockturning,andfeelunwelcome.Theywerewelcometostayforamonth,asfarasIwasconcerned.Ipushedagainstthedoorwithmyback,expectingsomeonetoopenitatanyminute,butneedingaminutetomyself.
Kavitawasright.Karlanevermovedfromthealtarinside,evenwhileIlitcandlesofdevotionwithLisa.Karlawasthealtarinside,fromthefirstsecondthatIsawher.
Isitasintogiveyourlovetosomeone,whenyoucan’tgiveyourheart?Didwedieinside,forawhile,ordidwekeeplovealive?Didshecutherwings,thatdove,whenshethrewthewindowopen?WasthehappylifeIthoughtwehad,justthehappylifeIthoughtIhad?DidIlivealiewithLisa,orliealife?
Laughterrollickedintherollickingroomnextdoor:alifeboat,adriftonirresistibility.Andforsomepeacefulminuteofunwelcometruth,thedooragainstmybackwasthewallofaconfessional,andallmysinsofomissionandcommissiontumbledthroughmyheart:NazeerandTariq,neglectedfriendsburnedandshot,andLisa,neglectedlovelostforever.Remorseformyselfishnesscrawledacrossmyskin.AndIbeggedthedeadtoforgiveme.
Laughterandstampingfeetdrummedthroughthedoor,tappingmeontheback.Ididn’tknowifitwasabsolutionorpenance.Idecidedtocalliteven,andbegantocleanupmybedroom,incaseanyofthesurvivorsinthenextroomneededaplacetosleep.
Ifoldedsheetsandablanketonthewoodenbedbase,toprovideasmuchcomfortaspossibleforanywearysleeper.Itidiedtheroom,putmybooksinonecorner,andmyguitarintheother,andwipedthefloorsoverwithadampcloth.
Andsomewhereinthatunexpectedservicetounexpectedguests,somewhereinthepeaceandsimplicityandnecessityofit,thestreamofregretbecameariver,andIletKavitaandLisago.
Whereverthey’dbeen,wherevertheyweregoing,livingordead,Iletthemgo.Irememberedhowtheylaughed,howI’dmadebothofthemlaugh.AndIsmiled,thinkingofit,andthatsmileopenedthegratedwindow,andsetthemfree.ChapterSeventy
Lifeontherunstringsitsownfences.Thelivingroomwasfullofpeacefulfriends,butitwasalsofullofdangerousweapons.I’dplacedeachweaponcarefully,fromeverycornerandpieceoffurniture,andfromthebalconytothefrontdoor,consideringeverycontingencyofattack.Ihadn’tconsideredthattheroommightbeinvadedbyfriends.
IwentbackintotheroomandpickedupthenotesandjournalsJaswanthadsacrificedforhisstove.
‘Guys,guys,’Isaid,interruptingthem.
Everyonelookedup.Theyweresmiling.
‘Iwasplanningforuninvitedguests,andinstead,tonight,I’vegotinvitedguests.’
Theycheeredandclapped.
‘No,wait,you’reallwelcome,ofcourse,andthankstoJaswant’sforesightwe’vegotplentyoffoodandwaterandotherstufftoridethisout.’
Theycheeredandclapped.
‘No,wait,thethingis,Iwasexpectinguninvitedguests,see,soIleftafewweaponsaround.’
Theyblinkedatme.Theythoughtitwasajoke,Iguess,andwerewaitingforthepunchline.
Ireachedabovethealmostemptybookshelf,andbroughtdownahatchet.
‘Justgobacktowhatyouweredoing,’Isaid,hatchetinhand.‘Relax.I’llgoaroundpickinguptheweapons,becauseIdon’twantanyonetogetaccidentallyhurt.Okay?’
Theyblinkedatmeagain.Didierwaswearingamask,andevenhewasblinking.
‘Wow,’CharuandParisaid.
Iputthejungle-streetweapononmywoodenbedandwentbacktotheroom,gatheringupknives,agun,twoclubsandaniftyknuckleduster.ThelastweaponwasasetofVikrant’sthrowingknives,whichI’dhiddenbehindacornerbalconysupport,nearwhereDivawassitting.
‘You’reeithertragicallyparanoid,’Divasaid,‘ortragicallyright.’
‘Idon’thavetimetobeparanoid,’Ilaughed.‘Therearetoomanypeopleouttogetme.’
Ikeptthehandguninmyvestpocket.Icouldn’thideitintheapartment,becauseIcouldn’ttrustanyofthemiftheyfoundit.It’sbadkarmatoletsomeonegetkilledwithyourgun,Farid,deadFaridtheFixer,oncesaidtome.Rightupthereunderkillingsomeonewithityourself
DidierandOleghadtheirownguns,ifgunswereneeded.Andtherewasachance,ifthingsgotworse,thattheymight.RiotsburncityblocksinBombay,andotherIndiancities.Andaroundthefireinringsofbladesandclubsaresomeofthepeoplewholitthefire,waitingforpreytorun.
I’dmadeadealwithDominictomakeanothertour,intwohours.Heneededtogohome,eat,takeanap,andreportagainforduty.Withthecityinlockdown,everycopworkedeveryshift.
I’dplannedtoforgetthefood,andgostraighttothenap,butwithmyplacefullofpeopleandmymattressonthefloor,thenighthadunplanneditself.
IwentbackintothemainroomandlootedJaswant’ssupplies,heapedonthetablebesidethestove.Iateabananaoffthebunchwithonehand,andalmondswiththeother.Idrankhalfaglassofhoneyfromapot.ThenIcrackedthreeeggsintoabigglass,pouredmilkonit,threwinsometurmericpowder,anddrankitdown.
Thegirlshadbeenwatching.
‘Eeeuw,’Charusaid.
Shewasaprettygirl.Forasecond,thevainpartofmewantedtoexplainthatIhadtobeontheroadagain,withoutanyplacetoeat,andIdidn’thavetimetocook.ButIwasinlove,andvanity,thatlittleshadowofpride,couldn’tweakenme.
‘Youwantone?’Iasked,offeringhertheglass.
‘Eeeuw,’Charusaid.
‘Isthatlikeamagictrick,orsomething?’Pariasked.
‘Ifit’stricksyoulike,MissPari,’Didiersaid.‘LooknofurtherthanDidier.’
‘Wow.Iwanttoseeeverysingletrick,Didier,’Charusaid.
‘Makeitthrilling,Didier,’Pariadded.
Thingsgotbacktounusual.Everybodysaidsomethingessential,inessentially.Iwentbacktomybedroom,rackedmyweaponsintoaroll,andstashedthemonawindowledge,obscuredbyadresser.
‘Youknow,ifthiswasahorrormovie,’Olegsaid,leaninginthedoorwaybehindme,‘thehiddenweaponswouldbeatensionpoint.’
‘Unlessyouknew,’Isaid,tuckingtherolloutofsight.‘Thenyou’dbethetensionpoint.’
‘Damn!’hesaid.‘HaveyoueverplayedDragonQuest?They’remadforitinMoscow.’
‘I’mtakingoff,Oleg,’Isaid,turningtofacehim.
‘Waitaminute,’hesaidquickly,‘you’retakingoff?Ithoughtnobodywastakingoff.Neversplitup.That’sthefirstruleofcrazy-timesurvivaltactics.’
‘Strangeasthesewordsare,I’mleavingyouincharge.’
‘Inchargeofwhat?’
‘Inchargeofmyroom,whileI’mgone.’
‘Okay,’hesaid,considering.‘Whatdoyouwantmetodowithit?’
‘Don’tletanythinghappentomyjournals.Makesuretherationsholdoutforeverybody.AndifKarlacomesbackbeforeme,guardher.’
‘Sureyouwanttotakeariskonme?’heasked.‘I’matensionpoint,now,becauseIknowwheretheweaponsare.’
‘Cutitout,Oleg.’
‘Sorry,’hesmiled.‘Butit’ssomuchfun.Randallsaidthattherewerethesecreepyexperimentsinalabnearhere,andoneofthesubjectsescapedrecently.Itwasinthenewspaper.Thegirlsarescaredtodeath.Imightgetluckytonight.Isthatallowed,ifit’sonthecouch?’
Ilookedathim,thinkingaboutburningbuildings,andburningfriends.
‘Isthatlookayes,orano?’heasked,smiling.
‘Areyouwritingthis,Oleg,what’shappeningtonight?’
‘Hell,yeah.Memorisingitalllikeatime-camera.Aren’tyou?It’saprettyunusualsituation,andaprettyunusualmixofpeople.Imean–’
‘Stayawake,Oleg.Buildingslikethisburn,whenpeopleburnthingsinBombay.It’snotajoke.That’swhyIhaven’tbeendrinking.It’swhyIhaven’thadasmoke.Thisistheshit,andIneedyoutostaystraightwhileI’mgone.’
‘Don’tworryaboutthelifeboatwhileyou’regone,’hesmiled.‘They’llallbehere,whenyouswimback.’
‘Youwrotethat,justbefore,didn’tyou?’
‘Chert,da.Thankyousomuchforthis,Lin,’hesaid.‘Ireallyappreciateit.’
‘IfKarlacomesbackbeforeme,keepherhere.’
‘You’reinsultingme,’hesaid.‘Youtoldmethatalready.’
‘Imean,guardheraboveeverything,andanyone.Yougetthat,right?’
‘Igetthat,’hegrinned.‘Thisjustgetsbetterandbetter.’
Iwalkedbackintotheroomdressedforbattle.Didierwasplayingrock-paper-scissorswithDiva.CharuandPariweretryingtoexplaintherulestoVinson,whosawtoomanyhandstomakesenseofit.Randallwaskeepingscorewithpolitecheating.Everyonewaslaughing.Iwalkedthroughtotheentrancehall.
‘Again,withthefuckingbarricade?’Jaswantcomplained.
‘Openit,Jaswant.’
‘It’sabandobast,idiot!It’llbedawninacoupleofhours,andthenyou’llbeasittinggoose.’
‘Aduck.Asittingduck.Openup.’
‘Don’tyourealise,’heaskedpatiently,‘thateverytimeyouopenthebarricade,youweakenthebarricade?’
‘Please,Jaswant.’
‘IfmyParsifriendwashere,hewould’vedevisedamoveablebarricadeforcontingencieslikethis,but–’
‘Jaswant,openthebarricade,andifyouaskmeforacodewordwhenIcomeback,I’llgetajewellertowriteitonyourkara.’
‘MyfatPunjabiass,youwill,’hesaid,shiftinghisconsiderablebellytohisconsiderablechest.‘Andapologyaccepted.’
Heeasedthebarricadeawayfromthedoor,butasIwasslippingthroughhestoppedme.
‘IfMissKarlacomesback,’hesaid,‘she’llbesafe,withme.’
‘Youjustbecameafriend,Jaswant.’
‘There’sasecurityfee,’hesaid,asIsqueezedthroughthegapinthedoor.‘Formyservicesasabodyguard.I’lljustputitonyourbill.’
Iranthestepsinjumps,slidingalongthewall,tofindDominicwaitingimpatientlyformeinthealleyunderneaththehotel’sarch.
‘Youtookyourtime,’hesaid,aswerodeaway.‘You’rehardenoughtoexplainasitis,Shantaram,withouthavingtoexplainwhyI’mlateonmyrounds.’
‘Didyougetanysleep?’Icalledoverhisshoulder.
‘Anhour.You?’
‘Ihadcompany.What’sthelatest?Howbadisit?’
‘Verybad,’hesaid,imagesofthebikeshootingforwardandbackwardinstreetlightwindowsaswepassed.‘TherewerefiresinDongri,Malad,andAndheri.Hundredshavelosttheirhomesandshops.VTstationispackedwithrefugees,findingshelterorleavingthecity.’
‘Hastherebeenanyfighting?’
‘YouthleadersfromHinduandMuslimcommunitieshaveralliedtheirpeople.WhenafirestartsinaHinduarea,Hindustudentsarriveintrucks.Theymakeacordonofwitnesses,sothatnoviolencecanbegin.It’sthesameontheMuslimside.Theydon’twantittobelikethelastriotsinBombay.’
‘How’sthatworkingout?’
‘Sofar,thestudentsaredoingaprettygoodjobofkeepingthepeace.Weshoulddoarecruitingdriveamongthem.Weneedkidslikethatinthepolice.’
‘Who’sstartingthefires?’
‘WhenafiretakesastreetinBombay,’hesaid,spittingontheroad,‘ashoppingmallorapartmentblocktakesitsplace.’
Profiteerssometimesusedcommunaltensionasanopportunitytoburndownstreetsofsmallshopsstandinginthewayoftheirprofitschemes.Theyhiredthugs,tiedorangeheadbandsontheirheadswhentheywereburningMuslimshops,andgreenheadbandswhentheyburnedHindustreets.
Dominicwasn’tbeingcynicalaboutthattruth:hewasdefeatedbyit.Hewasthirtyyearsold,afatherofthree,twogirls,tenandeight,andafour-year-oldboy:hewasanhonest,hard-workingmanwhoriskedhislifedayandnightintheuniformthathewore,andhe’dstoppedbelievinginthesystemthatdressedhiminit,andgavehimaguntodefendit.
Hetalkedbitterly,asherode,andI’dhearditbefore,manytimes,inslums,onthestreetsandinsmallshops.Itwasthevoiceofresentmentatthedoubleunfairnessofasocialinequitythatpreysuponthepoor,whiletellingthemthatit’stheirkarmatobedeprived.
Dominic’sfamilyhadbeenHindus,inhisgrandfather’stime.They’dconvertedtoChristianityinthewaveofconversionssummonedbytheelegant,ethicallyindeliblespeechesofDrAmbedkar,India’sfirstlawministerandachampionoftheUntouchables.
Thefamilysufferedaftertheconversionatfirst,butbythetimethatDominicandhiswifeweremakingtheirownfamily,theywerefullyintegratedintotheChristiancommunity,justasmanyothershadbecomeBuddhistsorMuslimstoslipthechainofcaste.
Theywerethesamepeople,thesameneighbours,simplygoingtodifferentplacestoconnectwiththeSource.Buteachreligionresented,andsometimesviolentlyresisted,attritionfromitsownfaithfranchise,andconversionsremainedafiercelycontestedissue.
Wemadehiscircuitofthecity,fromNavyNagartoWorliJunction,througheveryroutepossible.TrucksofchantingHindusandMuslimspassedus,theirbannersrippling,orangeforHindusandgreenforMuslims.
Politiciansandtherichdefiedthelockdown,ridinginarmedescortsontheemptyroads,alwayspassingatspeedasifbeingchased.Afewpeopledaredtoriskthestreets,hereandthere.Whenwesawthem,theysawus,andranaway.Apartfromthat,thecityneardawnwasempty.
Thereweren’tanyzombies,butthedogsandratswereplentiful,andhungry,withouthumansleavingrefuseforthemtoeat.Theytookovermanydesertedstreets,howlingandsqueakingforscraps.
Dominicwasverycareful.Indianpeoplelikedogsandrats.Indianpeoplelikejustabouteverything.Hestoppedonce,whentherewasaswarmofratsinfrontofus,blockingthewaylikesheeponacountryroad.
Herevvedtheengine,flashedthehigh-beamheadlight,andsoundedthehorn.Theratsdidn’tmove.
‘Anyideas?’Dominicasked.
‘Youcouldfireyourgunintheairtodispersethem.Copsdothatwithpeople,whentheystandontheroad.’
‘Notanoption,’Dominicsaid.
Athinpariahdogapproached,jittering,itsthinlegsjerkingasitwalked.TheIndianstreetdoghasbeenaroundforthousandsofyears,andthisdogknewitswayaround.Itstopped,andbeganacomplicatedgrowling,barkingmessage.
Theratsscurried,scrambledandslitheredaway,athickgreypeltlookingsomewhereelsefortrash.Thedogbarkedatus.
Getouttahere,Ithinkhesaid.
Werodeon.
‘Nicedog,’Dominicsaidoverhisshoulder.
‘Yeah,andI’mgladhedidn’thaveanyfriends.Thirty-fivethousandpeopledieofrabieseveryyearinIndia.’
‘Youreallythinkonthedarkside,’hesaid,swingingthebiketowardWorliNaka.
‘Ithinkonthesurvivalside,Dominic.’
‘YoushouldletJesusinyourheart.’
‘Jesusisineveryheart,brother.’
‘Areyouserious?’
‘Ofcourse.Ilovethatguy.Whodoesn’t?’
‘Alotofpeopledon’t,’helaughed.‘SomepeoplehateJesus.’
‘No.Brilliantmind,lovingheart,significantpenance:Jesuswastherealdeal.TheymightknowChristianstheydon’tlike,butnobodyhatesJesus.’
‘Let’shopethatnobodyhatesHimtonight,’hesaid,glancinginalleywaysaswepassedthem.
WereachedWorliNaka,afive-wayjunctionunderbrightlights,withafootballfieldofopenspacearoundasinglecop,standingonthebeat.
Dominicpulledupbesidehim,andturnedofftheengine.
‘Allalone,Mahan?’heaskedinMarathi.
‘Yes,sir.But,notnow,sir.Becauseyouarehereyourgoodself,sir.Who’sthewhiteguy?’
‘He’satranslator.Avolunteer.’
‘Avolunteer?’
Mahangavemetheonce-over,watchingmecarefullyincaseImadeanyfunnymoves,becauseonlyacrazypersonwouldvolunteertobeonthestreet.
‘Avolunteer?Ishemad?’
‘Givemeafuckingreport,Mahan,’Dominicsnapped.
‘Sir!Allisquiet,sir,sincemyshiftcommenced,at–’
Therewasaheavydouble-thump,asafullyloadedtruckcrestedaspeedbreaker.Weturnedandsawitapproachingfromtheright.
Thehugetruckhadawoodentrayattheback,withsidesthatreachedchest-heightonthemenwhowerecrammedintoit.Orangebannerswereflashesofsun-colouredlightasthetruckpassedbeneathstreetlamps.
Thetruckranasecondspeedhump,andthesingingmeninthebackbobbedupanddownasthewheelsbumpedthehump,twowavespassingthroughthemfromthefirstheadstothelastmen,jammedagainstthetailgate.
Ram!Ram!wasthechant.
Ahornsoundedbehindusandweturnedtoseeanothertruck,approachingfromtheleft.Itwasflyinggreenbanners.
AllahhuAkbar!wasthechant.
Weallglancedbackattheorangetruck,andthenbacktothegreen.Itwasclearthatthetrucksweregoingtopassoneanotherprettyclosetowherewewerestanding,inthemiddleoftheroad.
‘Okay,’Dominicsaidcalmly,puttingthemotorcycleontheside-stand.‘HailMary,fullofgrace.’
‘Narayani,’Mahanmuttered,alsoprayingtothefeminineDivine.
Istoodtogetherwiththecops.Welookedleftandrightattheapproachingtrucks,whichwereslowingdowntoacrawlingpace.
Mahan,thecopwho’dmannedthewideintersectionalone,hadapoliceradioandabamboostick.Ilookedathim,andhecaughtmyeye.
‘Allisokay,’hesaid.‘Don’ttaketension.Siristherewithus.’
‘Andsirhasus,’IsaidinMarathi.
‘True!’MahanrepliedinMarathi.‘Doyoulikecountryliquor?’
‘Nobodydoes,’Ilaughed,andhelaughedwithme.
Thedrivershaddecidedtotesttheirskill,passingoneanotherascloselyastheycould.Truck-cabinhelperstiltedmirrorsandpulledbannersupright.Othersleanedoverthesides,shoutinginstructionstothedrivers,andbangingthewoodenpanels.
Thetrucks,elephantsonturtles,crawledturtle-slowtowardoneanother,closerthananythingbutfaithwouldtolerate.Notfarfromusthetruckspausedandstoppedbesideoneanother,singersforsingers.Therewereatleastahundredchantingmeninthebackofeachtruck.Theirfaithwasfrenzy.Theirsweatbaptisedthem.Forafewbars,theirchantsenfoldedandmerged,thewordsechoingthewords,andthenbecomingorangepraisinggreen,andgreenpraisingorange,singingoneGod.
Iwastense,andreadyforanything,buttherewasnoangerinthetrucks.Theyoungstudentshadnoeyesbutfortheirbrothers,anddevotion,andtheychantedwithoutpause.
Theywereonamission.FirebrigadeunitshadbeenpreventedbymobsfromrespondingtofiresinHinduandMuslimneighbourhoods.Theyoungmeninthetruckswerecitizenwitnesses,puttingtheirlivesinharm’swaytomakesurethatharmdidn’tstopcivilianauthoritiesfromdoingtheirjobs.
Theirmissionwassacredwork,savingcommunities,andwasbeyondprovocation.Thetruckseasedawayfromoneanotherinfranticchanting,butwithoutasinglefrownofviolentintent.
Asthetruckspulledaway,drivenonbychanting,shewasthere,Karla,standingaloneonthefarsideoftheintersection.Shehadhitchedarideononeofthetrucks.
Shewasdressedinblackjeans,asleevelessblackhot-rodshirt,andathinredcoatwithahoodpulledoverherblackhair.Hercarrybagwasoverhershoulder.Herankle-strapshoeswereclippedtothebag.Shewasbarefoot.
Iwatchedherwavethegreenbannertruckaway,andIran.
‘I’msogladtoseeyou!’shesaid,asIhuggedher.‘Ithoughtitwouldtakemeforever.’
‘Takewhatforever?’Iasked,holdingherclose.
‘Findingyou,’shesaid,streetlightsongreenqueens.‘Ithoughtyoumightbestucksomewherewithunsavourytypes.Icametorescueyou.’
‘That’sfunny.Ithoughtyouwerestucksomewherewithsavourytypes,andIcametorescueyou.Kissme.’
Shekissedme,andleanedback,lookingatmeagain.
‘Haveyoubeenpractising?’
‘Everythingispractice,Karla.’
‘Fuckyou,Shantaram.Holdingmyownlinesagainstme.Shameful.’
‘That’snotallI’dliketoholdagainstyou.’
‘Imightholdyoutothat,’shelaughed.
‘No,really.Idon’tknowwhatyourplansare,orwhatyou’vegottado,butuntilthisallsettlesdown,pleasecomebackwithme,Karla.Just,youknow,soyou’resureI’msafe.’
Shelaughedagain.
‘You’reon.Leadtheway.’
‘ComeandmeetDominic.He’safriend,andhe’sbeenhelpingme.’
‘Where’syourbike?’
‘It’satotallockdown,’Isaid.‘I’mdouble-upwithDominic.It’stheonlywayIcouldgetaroundandkeeplookingforyou.’
‘Areyoureallyridingbehindthattrafficcop?’
ShelookedacrosstheemptyfieldoflightatMahanandDominic.
‘He’salsoourtaxihome,’Isaid,‘ifyoudon’tmindridingthree-up.’
‘LongasI’minthemiddle,’shesaid,takingmyarm.
‘How’dyouhitcharideonthetruck?’
ShestoppedusinthedesertedintersectionbeforewereachedDominic.Shegrabbedthecollarsofmyvest,andpulledmeintoanotherkiss.
WhenIcameoutofitshewasastepaway,andIwasstillleaningliketherewasareason.Thecopswerewhistling,singinganddancing.
Iscootedbacktothem,andintroducedher.
‘Apleasure,MissKarla,’Dominicsaid.‘Wehavesearchedinplacesveryhighforyou,andverylow.’
Discreet,inIndia,meansnotinterruptingyoutotellyousomethingindiscreet.
‘Hownice,Dominic,’Karlasultried.‘I’dliketohearyourreportonthoselowplaces,wheneveryou’renotsavingthecity.’
Werodethree-up.Karlahadherbackagainstmychest.Sheclungtome,herarmsclutchingatmyvesttoholdon,pullingusclose.Sheputherheadbackonmychest,andclosedhereyes.Iwould’vefeltbetteraboutit,ifshedidn’thaveherlegsaroundDominic,andherfeetonthetankofhismotorcycle.
Wepassedthroughcheckpointsasifcharmed.Dominiconlyusedonemantratoswervearoundthepolicebarricades.Don’task,hesaidinMarathi,ashepassedthroughroadblockswithmeonthebackandKarla’slegsdecoratingthefront.
Noneofthecopsasked.Noneofthemevenblinked.Yougottalikecops,awisecononcesaidtome.Theythinklikeus,actlikeus,andfightlikeus.They’reoutlawswhosoldouttorichpeople,buttheoutlawisstillinthere
Dominicdroppedusatthelanebehindthehotel.
‘Thanks,Dominic,’Karlasaid,placingherhandoverherheart.‘Niceride.’
IgavehimallthecashIhadinmypocket.ItwasmostlyUSdollars,buttherewasanemergencymixofotherstuffI’dcarriedforcontingencies.Itwasabouttwentythousanddollars.Thatsumpassedthroughmyhandseveryotherday,butitwasalotofmoneytoamanwholivedonfiftydollarsamonth.Itwasenoughtobuyaone-roomhouse,whichwashisdream,becausethecopsavingthecityduringthelockdown,liketoomanyofthem,livedinthreadbarebarracks.
‘Thisistoomuch,’hefrowned,andIrealisedthatI’dinsultedhim.
‘It’sallI’vegotinmypockets,Dominic,’Isaid,pressinghimtotakeit.‘IfIhadmore,I’dgiveittoyou.I’msohappy,man.Ioweyouonthis.Callme,ifyoueverneedme,okay?’
‘Thanks,Lin,’hesaid,stuffingthemoneyintohisshirt,hiseyeswonderinghowfasthecouldrushhome,afterhisdutyrounds,totellhiswife.
Herodeaway,andKarlastartedintothearchedlane,butIstoppedher.
‘Whoa,’Isaid,holdingherelbow.‘MadameZhouhasahabitofpoppingoutoftheseshadows.’
Karlaglancedatthenewday,paintingmuddygreyhorizonsaroundthebuildings.
‘Idon’tthinkshecomesoutindaylight,’Karlasaid,stridingahead.‘It’sgoodforherskin.’
Weclimbedthestairstotheblockeddooronourfloor.
‘What’sthepassword?’Jaswantcalledout.
‘Ridiculousness,’Ishoutedback.
‘Whatareyou,fuckingpsychic,man?’hereplied,withnosignofthebarricademoving.‘Howcanyouknowthat?’
‘Openthedoor,Jaswant.I’vegotaninfectedgirl,here.’
‘Infected?’
‘Shift…thebarricade…andopen…thedoor!’
‘Baba,youhaveabsolutelynosenseofplay,’hesaid,shovingtheartworkbarricadeaside.
Heopenedthedooracrack,andKarlaslippedthrough.
‘Youdon’tlookinfectedatall,MissKarla,’Jaswantgushed.‘Youlookradiant.’
‘Thankyou,Jaswant,’Karlasaid.‘Didyoustockup,forthiscatastrophe,byanychance?’
‘YouknowusSikhs,ma’am,’Jaswantsaid,twirlingthethreadsofhisbeard.
‘Alittlemoregapinthedoor,Jaswant,’Isaid,stilltryingtosqueezethrough.
Heeasedthestructureaside,Igrabbledthrough,andheshoveditbackintoplaceagain.
‘Whatdoyouhavetoreport?’heaskedme,clappingdustfromhishands.
‘Fuckyou,Jaswant.’
‘Waitaminute!’hesaidseriously.‘Iwanttoknowwhat’sgoingon,outthere.What’syoursit-rep?’
‘Mysit-rep?’Isaid,tryingtopasshimandgettomyroom.
‘Wait,’hesaid,blockingmypath.
‘Whatisit?’
‘Youhaven’tgivenyourreport!What’sgoingonoutthere?You’retheonlyonewho’sbeenoutsideforsixteenhours.Howbadisit?’
Hewasearnest.Hemeantit.Peoplehadwalkeddownpublicstreets,aftertheanti-Sikhriots,withseveredSikhheadsintheirhands,strungbythehairlikeshoppingbags.ItwasanIndiantragedy.Itwasahumantragedy.
‘Alright,alright,’Isaid,playingalong.‘Thebadnews,dependingonhowyoulookatit,isthatIdidn’tseeanyzombies.Notone,anywhere,unlessyoucountdrunks,andpoliticians.’
‘Oh,’hesaid,alittledefeated.
‘Butthegoodnewsisthatthecity’sinfestedwithriversofrats,andpacksofravenousdogs.’
‘Okay,’hesaid,smackinghishandstogether.‘I’mgonnacallmyParsifriend.He’sbeennaggingmeaboutaRatPlaguePlanforyears.He’llbethrilledtohearthis.’
Welefthim,diallinghisParsifriend.
‘Thebodyguardstandbychargestillapplies,’hecalledtome,ashedialled.‘Iwasonstandby,eventhoughMissKarlacamebackwithyou.I’llputitonyourbill.’
Thedoortomyroomwasunlocked.Weheardstrangenoisescomingfrominside.Iquietlyopeneditwide.FromthedoorwaywesawDidier,speakingtonguestoCharuonmymattress,whileOleggambledhisscentonPariandmycouch.
Thestrangenoisewe’dheardwasVinson,tryingtoplaymyguitarupsidedown.Hewaslyingonhisback,withhislegsrestinguprightonthewall.No-onenoticedus.
Wewalkedinasteptolookintomybedroom.DivaandRandallwerestretchedoutonmywoodenbed.Theywerekissingeachotherwiththeirhands,aswellastheirlips.
IwantedtoslapRandallawayfromagirlthatIknewNaveenloved,butslappingRandallawaywasDiva’sjob,ifslappingwasrequired.
Karlapulledmyvest.
‘Youarenotridingouttheapocalypsehere,’shewhispered,leadingmeawaybythehand.
Wewalkedbacktothedoorofherroom.Myheartwasbeating.Sheputthekeyinthelock,thenstopped,turned,andlookedatme.
InevertookKarlaforgranted.ButthekeywasinalockthatopenedthedoortoherBedouintent,andmyheartwastoofloodedwithhopetodoubt.Iwashopingthatacitywidelockdownandthesmallsatyr-iconinmyroomsmightbewhatittooktomakeheropenthetent.
Shesmiled,openedthedoor,andgentlypushedmeinside.Shelitsecretlights,andputincenseintherightplaces.Shetookthecollarsofmyvest,whileIwasgogglingatthebannersofredandbluesilkabovemyhead,andwalkedmebackwardstothefootofherbed.
Shekissedme,andusedtheadvantagetoshovemebackonthebed,leavingmyfeetdanglingovertheedge.
Shepulledanottomantothefootofthebed,satdown,andbegantounlaceoneofmyboots.Herfingersfrettedattheknots,thenloosenedthelacesandpulledoffoneboot.Ithitthefloorwithaboot-thud,andshestartedontheother.Itthumpedthefloorafewsecondslater.
ShepulledmyvestandT-shirtoff,unbuckledmyjeans,anddraggedmenaked.
‘Youknowwhatyourproblemis?’shesaid,lookingmeover.‘You’reharderthanyouneedtobe.’
‘That’syourfault,’Isaid,myhandsbehindmyhead,onKarla’spillows,inKarla’sBedouintent.
‘Whosaidit’safault?It’sjustthatsometimes,agirllikestoprovoke.’
Iwasconfusedagain,butthatwasokay.Iwasveryhappytobelookingupathaloesofsilkaboveherhead.
‘Youreallycamebackforme?’Iasked.‘Youleftthefetishparty,andcamelookingforme?’
Shewasstandingwithherfeetapart,herhandsonherhips.
‘I’dswimtheColabaBackBayforyou,baby,’shesaid,smilingatmyconfusion.‘Imean,ImightaskRandalltocomewithme,becauseI’mnotagreatswimmer,butI’dcomeforyou,baby.’
‘Indianscan’tswimlikeAustralians,’Isaid.‘Australiahasmoresharks.’
Sheunbuttonedherblackshirt,andthrewitaside.
‘Youknow,’shesaid,slippingoffherjeans,andstrippingnaked,‘itmightbealoteasierforeverybody,ifIjustkeepyouinsightfromnowon.’
Shecockedherheadtothesidetostudymyreaction.
‘Ithinkweshouldneverbeapartagain,’Isaidseriously.‘Whatdoyouthink,Karla?’
‘You’llknowexactlywhatIthink,’shesaid,creepingalongmybodytokissme,‘inaboutsixteenminutes.’
Kingofeverything,andabeggaratherbanquetatthesametime.Thrownather,thrownatme,turning,moving,changing,touching,andsweatingtoo-long-alone.
Myhandsagainstthewall,pushingshadowsaway.Herfeetagainstmychest,speakingsoftly,solesandtoes,whileharshertonguesshoutedeverywhereelse.
Theworldrollingoffthebed.Mybackonthefloor.Herkneesonthecarpet,thecolouredtentbehindherhead,fan-bladeswhirlingdovesofsmokefromsandalwoodincense.
Karlaleaningoverme,pressingherforeheadtomine,eyeforeye,sublimingmewithconnectedlight.Lostinherpleasure,forgettingmyown,findingitagaininhereyes,cominghome:Karla’seyes,withoutfearorfences,cominghometome.
Armsentangled,fingerssewntogether,legsincarnalcoincidencewelaybreathagainstbreath,curledintooneanotherlikerunaways,sleepinginaforest.ChapterSeventy-One
KarlaandIdidn’tleavehertentagain,duringthelock-down.Onthefirstmorning,Iwoketoseeherwalkingtowardmewithcoffeecupsonatray.Ialwayswokebeforeanybody,eveninprison,especiallyinprison,anditwasstrangetowakewithanotherconsciousnessalreadycoffee-cool.
Shewasdressedinakindofhousecoat,butitwasblack,andcompletelysheer,andshewasnakedinsideit.Itwasasifshewasswimminginashadoweverytimeshemoved,andIwantedtoswimwithher.
Shesetthetraydownonalargestreet-drumsheusedasanighttable,kissedme,andsatbesidemeonthebed.
‘Letmetellyouwhat’sbeengoingon,’shesaid,herhandonmyknee.
‘Goingonnow?’Ihoped.
‘SincethedayImetRanjit.’
‘Isee.Notnow.’
‘Notnow.DoyouknowhowRanjitandImet?’
‘Atadogfight?’
‘Youneedthis,Shantaram.’
‘No,Karla,Idon’t.Ijustneedyou.’
‘Yes,youdoneedme,andyoudoneedthis.’
‘Why?’
‘Whydoyouneedme,orwhydoyouneedthis?’
‘IknowwhyIneedyou–you’retheotherhalfofeverything.WhydoIneedtogobacktoyouandRanjit?’
‘Theotherhalfofeverything,’shesmiled.‘Ilikeit.YouneedthistalkbecauseI’vetreatedyoubad,andIfeelbad,eventhoughIdidtherightthing,foryouImean,allthewayalongtheline.’
‘Okay,but–’
‘Idon’tlikefeelingbad,especiallyaboutyou,sothathastobesquaredup,somehow.AndtheonlywayisforyoutoknowwhatI’vebeendoing,soyoucompletelyunderstand.’
‘Idon’tcarewhatyou’vebeendoing.’
‘Youdeservetoknow.’
‘Idon’twanttoknow.AndIreallydon’tcare.’
Shelaughed,andranherhanduptomychest.
‘Sometimes,you’refunnierthanthetruth.’
‘Andhappier,’Iadded,kissingher,andswimmingintheblackshadowwithher
Sometimelatershebroughtnewcupsofcoffeetothebedside,andstartedagain
‘IwantedtogetslumresettlementonthepoliticalagendainBombay.’
‘Thisisreallygoodcoffee,’Isaid.‘Italian?’
‘Ofcourse,andstayonthesubject.’
‘Slumresettlement,’Isaid.‘Igetit.I’mjustnotsureIwanttogetit.’
‘Wanttogetwhat?’
‘Karla,Iloveyou.Ihonestlydon’tcarewhatyou’vebeen–’
‘Humane,well-compensatedresettlementforslumdwellers,’shesaid.‘Yougetthat,right?’
Shewasimitatingme,anddoingaprettygoodjob.
‘Igetthat.Ijust–’
‘RanjitandImetinanelevator,’Karlasaid.
‘Karla–’
‘Inastuckelevator,tobeprecise.’
‘That’saprettygoodRanjitmetaphor.Astuckelevator.’
‘Theelevatorgotstuckbetweentheseventhandeighthfloorsforanhour,’shesaid,crowdingmeintohermemory.
‘Anhour?’
‘Sixtylongminutes.Therewasjustthetwoofus,Ranjitandme.’
‘Didhemakeapassatyou?’
‘Ofcourse.Heflirtedwithme,andmadeapass,andIslappeditaway.Sohemadeanotherpass,andIslappeditalotharder,andthenhesatonthefloorandaskedmewhatIwantedtoachieveinlife.’
Idrankcoffee,slappingRanjittwice,inmymind.
‘Itwasthefirsttimeinmylifethatanyoneeveraskedmethatquestion,’shesaid.
‘I’veaskedyouthatquestion.I’veaskedyoumorethanonce.’
‘YouaskedmewhatIwanttodo,’shesaid,‘justlikeIaskyouwhatyouwanttodo.HeaskedmewhatIwanttoachieveinlife.It’sadifferentquestion.’
‘It’sthesamequestion,inadifferentelevator.’
Shelaughed,andthenshookherhead.
‘I’mnotgettingintothatnow,muchasI’dlovetokickyourkoansintheass.’
‘Theasskicks,’Isaid,straight-faced.‘Whentheburdenisgreat.’
‘I’mnotdoingthis,Lin.I’mgoingtotellyouwhatyouneedtoknow,andthenI’llaphorismyourasssobadyou’llthinkyou’redrunkonhomemadewine.’
‘Promise?’
‘Gowithme,here.’
‘Okay,soyou’relockedinamarriage,sorry,anelevator,withRanjit,andwhenhecan’tachieveyou,heasksyouwhatyouwanttoachieve.Whatdidyousay?’
‘Ianswereditwithoutthinking.IsaidIwanttoachievedecentresettlementforslumdwellers.’
‘Whatdidhesay?’
‘HesaidThisisafatedconnection.I’mgoingintopolitics,andI’llmakeyourprogramapriority,ifyou’llmarryme.’
‘Hesaidthisintheelevator?’
‘Hedid.’
‘Andyouaccepted?’
‘Idid.’
‘Afteranhourinanelevator?’
‘Yeah,’shesaid,frowning.
Shescannedmyeyes,greenqueensprowlingthroughmygreyskies.
‘Holditaminute,’shedemanded.‘Youdon’tthinkamanwouldproposetomeafteranhourinastuckelevator,isthatit?’
‘Ididn’tsay–’
‘Myfastestproposalwasfiveminutesflat,’shesaid.
‘Ididn’tsay–’
‘I’ddefyyoutobeatthat,butIknowyoucan’t,andIwouldn’tletyoutry.’
‘Nooffence,butapartfromyou,whatwashisangle?’
‘Hesaidthathewantedtopissoffhisfamily,andtherewasnobetterway.He’dbeenlookingforsomeonejustlikeme.’
‘Whydidhewanttopissoffhisfamily?’
‘Ranjithadcontrolofthemoney,hisfamilyestate,buthehadbrothersandsisterswhoweresnappingathiscrookeddeals.They’dtakenhimtocourtthreetimes,tryingtogetcontrolofthemoneyhewasmisappropriating.He’dbeenlookingforawifehecouldweaponise.’
‘Toantagonisethem?’
‘Exactly.Hecouldn’tcutthemoffwithoutareason,andheknewtheycouldn’tkeeptheirmouthsshutabouthisforeignwife,especiallyifhisforeignwifecouldn’tkeephermouthshutaboutthem.’
‘Youcookedthisupinanhour?Youfixhisproblems,andhefixesyours.Strangersonanelevator,huh?’
‘Exactly.EachtimeIprovokedoneofthemtoinsultme,hecutthemoff.Iwashisreversepensionplan.’
‘You’reprettycute,evenwhenyou’retryingnottobe,’Ismiled.‘Howdidyougetthemtodislikeyousomuch?’
‘They’reanastybunch.Theyhateeasy.AndRanjittoldmealltheirdirtysecrets.ItookanhonestypilleverytimeIsawthem.Itmadethemsick.’
‘So,whenyouandRanjitgotallthewaydowntothegroundfloor,youmarriedhim?’
Shewassuddenlyserious.
‘AfterwhatIdidtoyou,withKhaderbhai,Ithoughtyou’dneverspeaktomeagain.AndIwasright,kindof.Wewereapartfortwoyearswithoutaword.’
‘Igaveyouspace,becauseyoumarriedRanjit.’
‘ImarriedRanjittogiveyouspace,’shesaid.‘AndIspenttwoyearshelpinghimcutfamilyties,andpushinghimupapoliticalhillthathewasill-equippedinanythingbutambitiontoclimb.’
‘So,youinappropriatelyalienatedhisfamily,sothathecouldmisappropriatethefamilyfortune,andinexchangehepushedyourslumresettlementagenda?AmIgettingthisright?’
‘Substantially.Atleast,thatwasthedeal,ifhe’dstucktoit.’
‘Karla,that’s…kindanuts,whatyouweredoingwithRanjit.’
‘AndlivingwithLisawasn’tnuts,initsownway?’
‘Not…everyday.’
Shelaughed,andthenlookedaway.
‘Atthelastmoment,Ranjitditchedtheresettlementprogram,andpulledoutoftherace,becauseofafewscarestheothersidethrewathim.’
‘Whendidthathappen?’Iasked,thinkingthathiswithdrawalfrompoliticsmight’vehadsomethingtodowithLisa’sdeath.
‘Thatdayathisofficewhenyoucameingrowlingforme,I’djusthaditoutwithhim.Itwasallover.EverythingI’dworkedfor.He’dwithdrawnhisnomination.Hewasshakingandsweating.Hequit,andyouknowIcan’tstandaquitter.Iwentandsatinthecornerwhilehesettleddown,andItoldhimthatifweeverfoundourselvesinthesameroomagain,solongaswelived,we’dsitasfarapartaspossible.’
‘NeitheroneofusknewhewassoscaredthatdaybecausehethoughtIknewhe’dbeenwithLisaattheend.’
‘Iwassohappywhenyouwalkedin.’
‘AshappyasIamnow?’Iasked,kissingher.
‘Happier,’shepurred.‘Iwassittinginthecorner,witheverythingI’dplannedandworkedforinruinsaroundme,andthenyouwalkedin.Iwasnevermoregladtoseeanyoneinmylife.Ithought,Myhero.’
‘Letmegetyousomethingheroictoeat.Idon’tknowaboutyou,butI’mstarved.’
‘No,letme.’
Shebroughtusaplatterofdates,cheeseandapples,andwineinlong,redglasseswithfeetlikeahawk’sclaws.
ShetalkedaboutKavitaSingh,andhowRanjit’sdisappearancegaveKarlaonelasthandtoplay,becauseshehadaproxyvoteonRanjit’sshares,whichhecouldn’trescindwithoutresurfacing.KarlaelevatedKavitatodeputyeditor,inexchangeforapromisefromKavitatomakeslumresettlementabannerissue.
Workingtogether,KarlaandKavitadevelopedacitywidebeautificationprogramtonudgepublicconsensustowardhumaneresettlementofslumdwellers,asamatterofcivicpride.TheyplayeditoutonnewspaperpagesstilltechnicallyownedbyRanjit.
‘Theeditorwasaproblem,’Karlasaid.‘Wetriedforweekstogethimontheteam.Hefoughtustothefourthquarteroneverything.Butwhenheacceptedaninvitationtothefetishparty,itwaseasy.’
‘Whatwaseasy?’
‘Compliance,’shesaid.‘Smokeajointwithme.’
‘WhywereyouonBenicia’sbikelastnight?’
‘DoesithurtmorethatIwaswithBenicia,orthatIwasonherveryprettymotorcycle?’
‘Itallhurts.Idon’teverwanttoseeyouonanymotorcyclebutmine,unlessyou’reridingityourself.’
‘Thenyou’llhavetoteachmetoride,renegade.Youstartwithyourlegswide,right?’
‘Wideenoughtoholdon,’Ismiled.
‘Smokeajointwithme,’shesaid,lyingbackonthebed,herfeetinmylap.
‘Now?’
‘Look,thecity’sinlockdown.Wecan’tgoanywhere.Jaswanthasplentyofsupplies.I’vegotagun.Relax,andsmokeajointwithme.’
‘I’mprettyrelaxed,butokay,ifyouthinkit’sagoodidea.’
‘Somedoors,’shesaidslowly,‘canonlybeopenedwiththegraceofpuredesire.’
Sometimelatershebroughtusfruitonablueglasstray,andfedmewithherfingers,piecebypiece.Loveisconnection,andhappinessistheconnectedself.Shekissedmyhands,herhairlikewingsfannedforthesun.Andaninstantblessedbyawoman’slovewashedwoundsaway.
‘Compliance,’Karlasaid,settlinginbesidemewithaglassofwine.
‘Compliance?’
‘There’snothinglikeafetish,togetaman’scompliancepointoutintheopen.’
‘Thechiefeditor?’Iasked,stillcocoonedinthesegue.
‘Areyouzoningout?’sheasked.‘Ofcourse,theeditor.’
‘Howdidyoufindouthisfetish?Didhepresentacard,orsomething?’
‘Whentheguestsarrived,we’dalreadysuppliedeveryfetishinthebook,withgirlsinmasks,dressedbydamnation.Weparadedthempasthim,untilonegotareaction.Itdidn’ttakelong,actually.’
‘Whichone?’
‘Dominatrix,inafake-leathersari.It’sacatalogueitem.’
‘Thenwhat?’
‘Thenhegotfilmed,inaprivatebooth,gettingdominated.’
‘YouandKavitafilmedhim?’
‘Notjusthim.Wealsofilmedajudge,apolitician,atycoonandacop.’
‘Yousetallthisup?’
‘KavitaandIhadawomanontheinside.’
‘Whowasthat?’
‘Thehostess.’
‘Whowas?’
‘Diva,’shesaid.
‘Diva,ourDiva,who’snextdoor,withRandall?’
‘OurDiva,wholeftearlier,withCharuandPari,whileyouwereasleep,’shesaid.‘Somecarsarrivedtobringthemhome.Bodyguardswerebangingonthedoor.Jaswantthoughtthezombiesweretryingtobreakin.Wepulledthebarricadeawayand–’
‘Waitaminute,Isleptthroughallthat?’
‘Sure,soldier,’shepurred.‘Divasaidyoulookedcute.’
‘Divasaidwhat?’
‘Shewantedtotalktome,whileCharuandPariweregettingreadytoleave.Ittakesthosegirlsatimetodoanything.Divacameinhere,andwesatonthebed.’
‘WhileIwasasleep?’
‘Yeah.Shewasright,you’recuterasleepthanawake.It’sluckyI’vegotaweaknessforawake.’
‘HowlongwasDivahere?’
‘Wesmokedajoint,’Karlasaid.
‘Thatlong?’
‘Anddrankaglassofwine.’
‘WhileIwassleeping?’
‘Yeah,shecameintotellmethatKavitahadanewsecretadmirer,andshe’dbeenactingabitnuts.’
‘Kavitaisabitnuts,’Isaid.‘ShehadathingwithLisa,anditwon’tlethergo.She’scleverandcapable,butshe’sbeenactingnutswithme,too.Ithinkthat’swhyMadameZhoulikesher–they’reascrazyaseachother.’
‘Kavitadidthiswholethingwithus,Lin,’Karlasaid.‘Shewaswithuseverystepoftheway.’
‘Andyouputhernextinlinetorunamajordailynewspaper.’
‘Iwon’tletyoutalkherdown,’shesaid.‘Iwon’tletanyonetalkheroranyofmyfriendsdown.JustlikeIwouldn’tletanyonetalkyoudown.’
‘Okay.Faircall.Butit’smyjobtotellyouwhenIsenseathreat.’
‘Yourjob?’Shelaughed.
‘Yeah,andit’syourjobtowarnme,’Ismiled.‘So,Divaleftwiththegirls?’
‘Thebodyguardsescortedthemaway.Theyhadsomeexplainingtodo,aboutstayingoutallnight.’
‘AndIsleptthroughallofthis?’
‘Suredid.WehelpedJaswantputthebarricadeback,Ishowered,gotbackintobed,andyougotverygladtoseeme.Thegirlssaidgoodbye,bytheway.’
Iwasfeelingstrange.Iwasalwaysthefirstup,nomatterhowtiredIwas,andifsomeoneinaroomnextdoordroppedapenonthefloor,Istartedawakefromdeepsleep.Butsomehow,I’dsleptthroughaconversationonmyownbed.
Itwasanunusualfeeling,disorienting,allslowpulseratesandblurrededges,andnegotiatingitwaslikewalkingalongthedeckofarollingship.Ittookmeawhiletorealisewhatitwas:Iwasfeelingpeaceful.
Peace,Idrissoncesaid,isperfectforgiveness,andistheoppositeoffear.
‘Areyouwithme,Shantaram?’Karlasmiled,shakingmebythechin.
‘I’msowithyou,Karla.’
‘Okay,’shelaughed.‘Wherewerewe?’
‘YouweretellingmehowyouandKavitaputthistogether,’Isaid,holdingherclose.
‘Kavita,Divaandme.Diva’stherichestgirlinBombayrightnow,andwhenshethrewafetishparty,therichrowedupinlimousines.’
‘ButDivawasn’teventhere.’
‘Wesetitupforhertobeturnedawayataroadblock,andpushedbackintothecity,withplausibledeniabilityaboutanythingthathappenedattheparty.’
‘Tocoverherassets.’
‘Tocoverherassets,’Karlasaid,tappingmeonthechestinagreement.
Itwasthefirsttimesheeverdidit:thefirsttimethatlittlegestureborninwhoshewas,whenshewascompletelyrelaxedinlove,madeitswaytomyskin.
‘So,yousetupfetishgames,andcameras?’
‘Wehadseventargets,countingtheeditor,butonlyfiveofthemturnedup.’
‘Targets?’
‘Impedimentstoprogress,thatwewantedtomakevesselsofchange.’
‘Andnowthefiveare–’
‘Vesselsofchange,andwe’llgetslumresettlement,andmoreattentiontowomen’sissues.Win–win,womenstyle.’
Isatuponthebed.Sheofferedmeatowel,scentedwithginger,andwewipedourfacesandhands.
‘Iftheseguysarebigshots,Karla,they’redangerous,bydefinition.Thatfilm’sabomb,andit’llkeeptickingaslongasitexists.’
‘We’vegotintermediaries,’shesaid,leaningintomyarmagain.
‘They’llneedtobebulletproof.’
‘Theyare,’shesaid.‘We’vecontractedtheCycleKillerstotalkforus.’
‘Now,thatmakesthingsmuchsaner.TheCycleKillers?’
‘Idon’tdoanythingfacetofacewithanyonebutthem.Theydoallthenegotiatingwiththeotherside.’
‘Howdidthathappen?’
‘Youreallywannaknow?’
‘OfcourseIwannaknow.’
‘Well,’shesaid,sittingupandfacingme,herlegslotus.‘RandallandInoticedtheCycleKillersfollowingyou,twice,andIsentRandalltofindoutwhattheywanted.’
‘HefrontedtheCycleKillersalone?’
‘Nodoubt.’
‘He’sakeeper,’Ismiled.‘I’mgladhe’sonboardwithyou.’
‘Withus,’shecorrected.
‘Whatdoyoumakeofit,RandallandDiva?IknowNaveeniscrazyabouther,andIthoughtshelikedhim.’
‘It’salockdown,Shantaram.Whathappensinalockdown,staysinalockdown.Bestwekeepoutofit.’
‘You’reright,Iguess.GobacktotheCycleKillers.’
‘So,RandallfoundoutthatAbdullahhadhiredthemtowatchoveryouforawhile,andhemadeacoupleoffriends.’
‘Andwhenyoufoundouttheywereforhire,youhiredthem.’
‘Idid,andtheywerehappytodoit.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘Yeah,they’reworkingontheirimage.They’dliketomoveintomorepublic-mindedareasthankillingpeopleformoney.’
‘Likethreateningpeopleformoney.’
‘Somethinglikethat,’shesaid.‘It’sanupwardimagestep,butIthinkthey’reserious.Ithinktheywannacomeinfromthecold.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘WhenIhadtheCycleKillerstonegotiateforus,Ihadaplan.Icouldn’thavedoneitwithoutthem,becauseIcouldn’ttrustanyoneelsenottobuckleunderthepressure,andgiveusup.WhenFateputthembehindyou,Igotthembehindme.’
‘Infrontofyou,actually.’
‘Exactly.Ishmeet,theboss,isthemantalkingtothevesselsofchange.’
‘I’vemetIshmeet.’
‘He’satruegentleman,’shesaid.
‘Saltofthemoon.’
‘AndPankaj,hisfriend,whoreallylikesyou,bytheway,isariot.Iinvitedhimtothefetishparty.’
‘Ibetyoudid.AnddidIhavetobekeptsodeepinthedark,throughthisdarkscheme?’
‘Iwasprotectingyou,’shesaid.‘Iwaskeepingyouawayfromthefire.’
‘Likeafool?’
‘Likeasoulmate,’shesaid.‘Ifthewholethingblewup,Iwantedtomakesureitdidn’treachouttoyou.You’reontheruntoo,remember?’
Shewasbeautiful,inanewway.Shewasdefendingme,guardingmewithapartofhersoul.
Shegotuptolightnewincense,sevensticks,fireflieshoveringinthecolouredroom,andputtheminthemouthsofclaydragons.Iwatchedhermovingaroundthebedroom,andmymindwasfightingTime,tryingtostopeverythingbutThis
Shesatdownbesidemeagain,takingmyhand.
‘IfI’dtoldyouthatIwantedtomovethewholecityinthedirectionofhumaneslumresettlement,’sheasked,‘wouldyouhavejoinedmeinit,orwouldyouhavetriedtostopme?Honestly?’
‘Iwould’vetriedtogetyoutoleave,andsetupagainsomewhereelse,withme.’
‘That’swhyIprotectedyou,’shesaid.
‘That’swhy?’
‘Youwould’vehelpedme,becauseyouloveme,butyourintentionwouldn’thavebeenpure,goingin,andthatwould’vemadeyouvulnerable.Andme,too,probably.’
Ithoughtaboutit,notreallyunderstandingit,butadifferentquestionaskeditself.
‘Whydidyoudoit,Karla?’
‘Youdon’tthinkthecauseisimportantenough?’
Shewasteasingme.
‘Whydidyoudoit,Karla?’
Itwasherturntothink.Shesmiled,andwentwithhonesty.
‘ToseeifIcould,’shesaid.‘IwantedtoseeifIcoulddoit.’
‘Ithinkyoucandoanything,Karla.Butweshould’vedoneittogether.’
Shelaughedagain.
‘You’resoloved,’shesaid.‘AndI’msogladtofinallytellyou.’
Itwastoomuch,itwaseverydream.Doubt,thethingthatfightslove,pushedmetothecliff,daringmetojump.Ijumped.
‘Iloveyousomuch,Karla,thatI’mlostinit,andIalwayswillbe.’
Mendon’tliketobethathonestaboutlove:toputtheguninawoman’shand,andholditagainsttheirownhearts,andsay,Here,thisishowyoukillme.Butitwasokay.Itwasokay.
‘Iloveyoutoo,baby,’shesaid,allgreenqueens.‘Ialwaysdid,evenwhenitlookedlikeIdidn’t.I’mstuckonyou,andyoubettergetusedtoit,becausewe’reinseparablefromnowon.Youseethat,right?’
‘Iseethat,’Isaid,pullingherdowntokissme.‘Youthoughtallthisoutprettylongandhard,didn’tyou?’
‘Youknowme,’shepurred.‘Idoeverythinglongandhard.’PartThirteen
ChapterSeventy-Two
IletOleghavemyroomsforawhile.Therentwaspaidoutforayear,andIwashappyforhimtohaveahome.Olegwashappier.Hehuggedmeoffthegroundandkissedme.It’saRussianthing,hesaid.
Karlawenteverywherewithme,evenonmyblackmarketrounds,andIwenteverywherewithKarla.Werodetogether,withRandallalwaysfollowingdiscreetlyinthecar.
Myroundofthemoneychangerswasdangerous,butsomeofwhatKarladidwasalmostasdangerous.Herroundofartandbusinesscontactswasdisturbing,butsomeofwhatIdidwasalmostasdisturbing.
Peopletookalittlewhiletogetusedtousasadoubleact,andtheyreactedindifferentways.Asitturnedout,myfriendsintheUnderworldtookitbetterthanherfriendsintheOverworld.
‘You’llhaveteawithus,MissKarla,’myblackmarketdealerssaidtoherateverystop.‘Please,haveteawithus.’
‘Noentry,’herwhitemarketdealerssaidtomeateverysecuritydesk.‘Passesrequired,beyondthispoint.’
Karlagotmeasecuritypass,andinsistedthatIsitbyherside,everywhere.Igottoattendmeetingswithpowerfulfinancialfigures,inchambersandpanelledroomsthatalllookedliketheinsideofthesamecoffin.
Abusinesssuit,Didieroncesaidtome,isnothingbutamilitaryuniform,strippedofitshonour.Anditseemedthathonourwasawordrarelyheardinthoseboardroomsandexclusiveclublounges:whenKarlaspokeit,insistingthatherproxywouldonlybeusedtosupporthonourablecauses,thesamewavesofdistressalwayspassedthroughtheroom,puffer-fishfacesgasping,andcolouredtiesflashinginrevolvingchairslikeweedsinadissonantsea.
Theartistswereadifferentstory,toldbyatall,handsomesculptor,gatheringfuelinvacantlotsofmillionaires.
Thegalleryhadflourished.Scandalisalwaysaseller’smarket.Thescentofit,attachedtoworksthatfanaticshadattacked,worksthathadbeenbannedorthreatenedwithbans,searedthesatedsensesofawealthycliqueofbuyers.Peoplewithenoughmoneynottoqueueanywherewaitedforappointments,andpaidinblackmarketrupees.Taj,thesculptor,wasmanagingthegallery,andmakingmoneyfasterthanhecouldswingamallet.
HewastalkingtoaledgerofpatronswhenIwalkedinwithKarlaoneday,afewweeksafterthelockdown.Rosannawasatadesk,workingphones.
TajnoddedtoKarla,andcontinuedhisdiscoursetothepatrons.Wewalkedthroughtothebackroom.Ithadbeentransformedfrommotorcyclelightstoredfluorescents,adozenofthem,strewnaroundtheroom.
Wesatonablacksilkcouch.Therewerepaintingsleaningagainstthewalls,asleeveofonebecomingaframefortheother.Anushkabroughtuschaiandbiscuits.
Whenshewasn’tincharacterasabody-languageartist,Anushkawasashyyoungwoman,eagertoplease,andthegallerywasasecondhomeforher.
‘What’shappening,Anush?’Karlaaskedher,whenshesatdownonthecarpetbesideus.
‘Sameoldsameold,’shesmiled.
‘ThreedaysagoyousaidthatthenewshowofMarathiartistswasready,’Karlasaid.‘AndIdon’tseeitbeingprepped.’
‘There’s…there’sbeensomeargument.’
‘Ar…gu…ment?’Karlasaid,growlingsyllables.
TajwalkedinandsatdownnexttoAnushka,foldinghislonglegsunderhimelegantly.
‘Sorry,’hesaid.‘Ihadtofinishwiththoseclients.Bigsale.Howareyou,Karla?’
‘I’mhearingaboutsomeargument,’shesaid,staringhimdown.‘Andfeelingargumentative.’
Tajlookedawayfromherquickly.
‘Howareyou,Lin?’heasked.
EverytimeIlookedatTaj,Ithoughtofthetwomysteriousdayshe’dspentwithKarla,somewhereoutsideBombay:thedaysshe’dnevertoldmeabout,becauseIwouldn’taskheraboutthem.
Hewasthekindoftall,dark,andhandsomethatmakestherestofusthinkjealousthoughts.It’snottheirfault,thehandsomeguys.I’veknownquiteafewhandsomeguyswhoweregreatguys,andgreatfriends,andweuglyguyslovedthem,buteventhenwewerestillalittlejealousofthem,becausetheyweresodamngoodlooking.
It’sourfault,ofcourse,nottheirs,anditwasmyfaultwithTaj,buteverytimeIlookedathim,Iwantedtointerrogatehim.
‘I’mfine,Taj.Howyoudoin’?’
‘Oh…great,’hesaiduncertainly.
‘Argueme,Taj,’Karlasaid,pullinghisattention.‘What’stheproblemwiththeexhibition?’
‘Canwegetstonedfirst?’Tajasked,gesturingtoAnushka,whoroseimmediatelyinsearchofpsychicsustenance.‘I’vehadback-to-backbuyersforthelastfourhours,andmyheadisjustspinningnumbers.’
‘Whereisit?’Karlaaskedhim.
‘Anushka’sbringingit,’Tajsaid,pointinghelplesslyatthedoor.
‘Notthedope,’Karlasaid.‘TheMarathiartistsexhibition.Whereisit?’
‘Stillinstorage,’Tajsaid,lookingatthedoor,andcallingAnushkawithhismind.
‘Instorage?’
Anushkareturned,smokingaverylargejoint,whichshepassedtoTajurgently.ThesculptorheldhishandouttoKarla,pleadingwithhertowaitwhilehesmokedhiswayintoasmallcloud,andfinallyofferedthejointtome.
‘YouknowIdon’tsmokewithKarlaonthebike,’Isaid,notmovingtotakeit.‘I’vetoldyouthatbefore.Stopofferingittome.’
‘I’lltakeit,’Karlasaid,swipingthejointfromhishand.‘AndI’lltakethatexplanation,Taj.’
‘Look,’Tajsaid,stonedenoughtopretendwellagain.‘Peoplefeelthatdevotinganexhibitiontoonegroupofartists,fromonelanguagegroup,isnotthedirectiontheywanttogo.’
‘People?’
‘Peoplehereatthegallery,’Tajsaid.‘TheyliketheMarathiartistsexhibition,butthey’rejustnotcomfortablewithit.’
‘You’vebeenrunningaBengaliartistsexhibitionhereforthelasttwoweeks,’Karlasaid.
‘That’sadifferentcontext,’Tajstruggled.
‘Explainmethedifference.’
‘Well,I,thatis…’
‘Ilovethiscity,andI’mdamngladtolivehere,’Karlasaid,leaningtowardhim.‘We’reonMarathiland,livinginaMarathicity,bythegraceoftheMarathipeople,who’vegivenusaprettyfineplacetolivein.Theexhibitionisforthem,Taj,notyou.’
‘It’ssopolitical,’Tajreplied.
‘No,it’snot.Alloftheseartistsaregood,andsomeofthemareterrific,’sheinsisted.‘Yousaidsoyourself.Ihand-pickedthem,withLisa.’
‘They’regood,ofcourse,butthat’snotreallythepointhere.’
‘Thepointforyou,andme,andRosanna,andAnushka,’shesaid,‘andalltheothersintheteamwhoweren’tbornhereinBombay,isthatit’ssimplytherightandgratefulthingtoshowcasetalentfromthecitythatsustainsus.’
‘Karla,you’reaskingtoomuch,’Tajpleaded.
‘Iwantthisshow,Taj,’Karlasaid.‘ItwasmylastprojectwithLisa.’
‘AndI’dlovetogiveittoyou,’Tajmoaned.‘Butit’sjustimpossible.’
‘Where’stheart?’Karlaasked.
‘Itoldyou.It’sstillinthewarehouse.’
‘SendittotheJehangirgallery,’shesaid.
‘Thewholeexhibition?’heasked,stricken.‘Therearesomefinepaintingsinthere,Karla,andiftheywereputonthemarket,intherightway,oneatatime–’
‘SendittotheJehangirgallery,’shesaid.‘They’vegottheintegritytorunit,andtheydeserveitmorethanyoudo.’
‘But,Karla,’hepleaded.
‘Ithinkwe’redonehere,’shesaidtome,standingup.
Tajunfoldedhistallframetostandinfrontofher.
‘Pleasereconsiderthis,Karla,’hesaid.
Hegrabbedherarm.
Ishovedhimaway.
‘Stayback,Taj,’Isaidquietly.
‘You’remakingamistake,Karla,’hesaid.‘We’rereallymovingintobigmoney,hereatthegallery.’
‘I’vegotmoney,’Karlasaid.‘WhatIwantisrespect.I’mdonehere,Taj.Thegalleryisyours,fromnowon.Beasapoliticalasyoulike.I’mwalkingout.Theexhibitioninsuranceisonyou,whileyousendtheMarathishowtome,somakesurenothinghappensbeforeitreachestheJehangir.Goodluck,andgoodbye.’
Werodeaway,switchingtooneofmyrounds.
‘Youknowhe’sgay,right?’Karlaaskedaswerode,herarmovermyshoulder.
‘Iknowwho’sgay?’
‘Taj.’
‘Tajisgay?’
‘Youdidn’tknow,didyou?’
‘Unlesspeopletellme,Ialmostneverknow.’
‘Andyouwerejealous,right?’
Ithoughtaboutitforakilometreorso.
‘Areyousayingyoucan’tbeattractedtoagayman?’
Shethoughtaboutit,forakilometreorso.
‘Goodpoint,’shesaid.‘Butnotthatgayman.’
‘Butyouwentawaywithhimfortwodays.’
‘Toaspa,’shesaid.‘Todrinkjuices,andgetmyselfrechargedforthefight.Tajjustcamealongforcompany,toworkoutgallerystuff.’
‘AndIcouldn’thavecomealongforcompany,toworkoutstuff?’
‘Iwasprotectingyoufrommyschemes,remember?’shesaid,whisperingintomyear.‘Andanyway,Didierlikeshim.’
‘Didierandthesculptor?’
‘TajhasalreadydonesomenudestudiesofDidier.They’reprettygood.’
‘He’sgoingtomakeastatueofDidier?’
‘Yeah.’
‘I’llneverheartheendofthis.’
‘Oh,yeah.Ipromisedwe’dbetherefortheunveiling.’
‘Imightpass.I’vealreadyseenDidierunveiled.’
‘He’sdoingDidierasMichelangelo’sDavid,atforty-nineyearsold.’
‘I’mdefinitelynotgoing.’
Islowedthebikeandstoppedatthekerbofawide,relativelyemptyboulevard.WhenyouridetheIslandCity’sstreetsforlongenough,yougettofeelthem.
‘What’sup?’sheasked.
‘Thetraffic’snotright,’Isaid,lookingaround.
‘What’snotrightaboutit?’
‘Thereisn’tany.Thecopsareholdingitbackforsomereason.’
Afleetofcarspassedusatspeed,lightsflashingredasnewblood.Asecondcavalcadefollowed,andathird.Wewatchedthemrushlinesoflightintothenightuntilthestreetwasquietagain,andthenormaltrafficresumed.
‘They’reheadingtoBandrainahurry,’Isaid,asIputthebikeintogear,androdeawayslowly.‘Copsandjournalists.Mustbesomethingbig.’
‘Doyoucare?’shesaid,herarmaroundmyshoulder.
‘No,’Icalledback.‘Comeandmeetsomebodycool.Ihavetodropsomemoneyoffatabank.’
Half-MoonAuntieexcelledherselfforKarla.Atonepointshesentmeaway,tellingmethatthenextportionofherperformancewasforwomenonly.
Islippedandslidawayatslowspeedonthefish-oilfloor,resistingtheimpulsetoglanceback.
‘Nice,’Karlasaid,whenshejoinedmeintheColabamarket.‘That’ssomeseriousyoga.Someoneabsolutelyhastopaintthatwoman.’
‘Maybeoneofyouryoungpainters?’
‘Goodidea,’shelaughed.‘Ithinkwe’regoingtodosomeprettyinterestingstufftogether,Shantaram.’
‘Yougotthatright.’
Ayoungprostitute,fromtheRegalCirclesexroundabout,wasreturninghomethroughthemarkettoherhutinthefishermen’sslum.HernamewasCirce,andshewasahandful.
Herbing,ifshehadn’tmadeenoughmoney,wastopestermentohavesexwithheruntiltheydid,oruntiltheypaidhertostoppestering.
‘Hey,Shantaram,’shesaid.‘Fuckmelong,doubleprice.’
‘Hi,Circe,’Isaid,tryingtopassher,butshescamperedintomypath,herhandsonherhips.
‘Fuckmequick,fuckmelong,youshit!’
‘Bye,Circe,’Isaid,dodgingawayagain,butshegrabbedheryellowsariinherhands,andranaroundtofacemeagain.
‘Youfuck,oryoupay,’shesaid,seizingmyarmmid-pester,andtryingtorubagainstme.
Karlashovedherinthechestwithbothhands,sendingherreelingaway.
‘Stayback,Circe,’shegrowledinHindi,herfistsraised.
Circebrushedhersariintoplaceandwalkedaway,avoidingKarla’seyes.
‘Oh,sothat’showit’sdone,’Isaid.
‘Cutegirl,’Karlasaid.‘Eversincethefetishparty,allI’vemetarepeopleIwould’veaddedtothelist.’
‘I’llbet.I’vefinishedmyrounds.Wheretonext,MissKarla?’
‘Now,mylove,weriseallthewaytothebottomoftheporkbarrel.’ChapterSeventy-Three
WerodesouthtotheTajMahalhotel,whereKarlahadameetingwithstockholdersofRanjit’smediaconglomerate.
EarlyeveningwasstillgoldintheeyesoftheSikhsecurityteamthatgreetedKarlaatthehotel.Shewaswearingclearplasticsandalsandagreyboilermakersuitshe’dcutup,leavingwide,openshoulders,andropedinwithabeltmadeofblackplaitedhemp.Herhairwasstyledbythewind,onthebackofmymotorcycle,andlookedprettygood.
Iwaswearingblackjeans,mydenimvestandaKeithRichardsT-shirtI’dbarteredoffOleg,andlookednotsoprettygoodforabusinessmeeting.ButIdidn’tcare:theyweren’tdressedformyworld,either.
Themeetingwasinthebusinessclubrooms.Westeppedintoatinyelevator.Asthedoorsclosed,IofferedKarlamyflask.Shesippeditandpasseditbackastheelevatoropenedonanarrowcorridor,leadingtoatreasureroomofaffluentlyunderstateddecadence.
Leatherchairsandcouches,eachonethepriceofafamilycar,wereparkedagainstwidemahoganypanels,importedfromfarawaycountrieswheremahoganytreesaremurderedfortheirflesh.Crystalglassesstungtheeyeswithglitteringreflections,carpetssurrenderedlikesponges,expensivepaintingsofexpansivebusinessleadersenrichedthewalls,andwhite-glovedwaiterswaitedpatientlyoneveryunfulfilledneed.
Thereweresixbusinessmenintheroom,allofthemwelldressedandwellpreserved.Whenweenteredtheclubroomtheyfroze,staringatKarla.
‘Iamsoverysorryforyourloss,Karla-Madame,’oneofthebusinessmensaid.
‘Soverysorry,Madame,’otherssaid.
IlookedatKarla.Shewasreadingtheireyesandfaces.Whereveritled,shedidn’tlikeit.
‘SomethinghappenedtoRanjit,’shesaid.
‘Youdon’tknow?’
‘Knowwhat?’Karlaaskedquietly.
‘Ranjithasexpired,Karla-Madame,’thebusinessmansaid.‘Hewasshotbysomeone,tonight,inBandra.Justnow.Itisonthenews.’
Irealisedthattheredcavalcadesofpolicecarsandpresscarswe’dseen,rushingtowardBandra,wereracingtothesceneofRanjit’sshooting.Karlahadthesameidea.Shelookedatme.
‘Areyouokay?’Iasked.
Shenodded,herlipstaut.
‘Ifyouwillexcuseme,gentlemen,’shesaid,hervoicefirm.‘Iwillaskyoutoadjournthismeetingforforty-eighthours,ifthatissuitable.’
‘Ofcourse,Karla-Madame.’
‘Anythingyousay,Karla-Madame.’
‘Takeallthetimeyouneed,Karla-Madame.’
‘Sosorryforyourloss.’
Intheelevatorsheclungtome,herfaceinmychest,andcried.Thentheelevatorjammedtoahalt,stuckbetweenfloors.
Shestoppedcrying,wipedhereyes,andlookedaroundwithawideningsmile.
‘Hello,Ranjit,’shesaid.‘Comeoutandfightmelikeaghost.’
Theelevatorstartedagain,andbegantodescend.
‘Goodbye,Ranjit,’Isaid.
Onthestreet,besidethebike,Iheldherhand.
‘Whatdoyouwanttodo?’
‘IfIcould,ifhe’sstillthere,’shesaid,‘I’dliketoidentifyhim.Idon’twanttodoitinthemorgue.’
ItookhertoBandra,ridingfast,Randallfollowingbehind.Wepulledupatapresscordon,establishednearthedancebarwhereRanjit’ssilverbullethadfoundhim.
Hisbodywasstillinsidethenightclub.Thepolicewerewaitingtoremovethecorpseofthefamoustycoon,weheard,becauseoneofthemajortelevisionreportershadn’tarrived.Karla,RandallandItookupapositioninthecrowdwithaviewofthearclightstrainedbylocalcameracrewsontheentrancetothenightclub.
Ididn’tfeelgoodaboutit.Ididn’twanttoseeRanjit’sbodybeingcarriedoutonagurney.Andtherewerealotofcopsstandingaround.
IlookedatKarla.Shewasblazingqueens,scanningthescene,takinginthelargebroadcastvans,thearclights,andthelinesofcops.
‘Yousureyouwanttodothis?’
‘Ihavetodoit,’shesaid.‘It’smylastjobforRanjit’sfamily.MywaytomakeituptothemforplayingRanjit’sgame,Iguess.’
Karlalurchedforwardthroughthepresscordon.Camerasflashed.Iwashalfapacebehindher,andRandallwasatmyside.
‘Standaside,’RandallsaidcalmlyinMarathiandHindi,passingthroughtheranksofthecopsandjournalists.‘Please,showrespect.Please,showrespect.’
ThepressandthecopsletKarlaintotheclub,butstoppedRandallandmeatthedoor.Wewaitedfortenlongminutesuntilshecamebacktous.Herheadwashigh,hereyesstaringstraightahead,butshewasrestingonthearmofaseniorofficer.
‘Itisaterriblebusiness,Madame,’theofficersaid.‘Wehavenotcompletedourenquiries,butitseemsthatyourhusbandwasshotbyayoungman,who–’
‘Ican’tdiscussthisnow,’Karlasaid.
‘Ofcoursenot,Madame,’theOICsaidquickly.
‘Please,excusemyrudeness,’Karlasaid,stoppinghimwitharaisedhand.‘IsimplywantedyoutoattestthatIhaveidentifiedRanjit’sbody.Hisfamilymustbeinformed,quickly,andwithmypositiveidentificationyoucannowperformthatoneroustask,isn’tthatso?’
‘Yes,Madame.’
‘Then,doyouattestmyidentification,andwillyouinformRanjit’sfamily?’
‘Iattestit,Madame,’theofficersaid,saluting.‘AndIwillperformthatduty.’
‘Thankyou,sir,’Karlasaid,shakinghishand.‘Younodoubthavequestionsyouwouldliketoaskme.I’llvisityourofficeatanytimethatyourequireme.’
‘Yes,Madame.Please,takemycard.AndmayIexpressmysorrow,foryourloss.’
‘Thankyouagain,sir,’Karlasaid.
Whenweleftthecordonofcopstowalkbacktothebike,somephotographerstriedtotakeKarla’spicture.Randallheldthemback,andpaidthemtostopshoutingforthefreedomofthepress.
Werodebacktothesouth,andshecried,hercheekpressedagainstmyback.Whenwestoppedatatrafficlight,Randalljumpedfromthecarandofferedhertissuesfromaredceramicbox.Karlaacceptedthem,beforethesignalchanged.AndIthinkthatlittle,thoughtfulactsavedher,becauseshestoppedcryingafterthat,andsimplyclungtome,andnevercriedforRanjitagain.ChapterSeventy-Four
ItookherbacktotheAmritsarhotel,andtheBedouintent.Sheletmeundressherandputhertobed:oneofalover’streasures.Andshesleptthroughdawnanddaylight,andvioletevening,andwokeunderanexilemoon.
Shestretched,sawme,andlookedaroundher.
‘HowlonghaveIbeenout?’
‘Aday,’Isaid.‘It’snearlymidnight.Youmissedtomorrow.’
Shesatuprightquickly,messingherhairperfect.
‘Midnight?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Wereyouwatchingme,whileIslept?’
‘Iwastoobusy.Iwroteoutaprettyeloquentstatementforthecops,andsigneditforyou,anddeliveredit.Theylikedit.Youdon’thavetogoback.’
‘Youdidallthat?’
‘Howyoufeeling?’Ismiled.
‘I’mgood,’shesaid,wrigglingoffthebed.‘I’mgood.AndIgottapee.’
Shecamebackshowered,inawhitesilkrobe,andIwastryingtothinkofawaytolethertalkaboutRanjit,deadRanjit,andwhatitfeltlike,seeinghisbody,whentherewasaknockonthedoor.
‘That’sNaveen’sknock,’Karlasaid.‘Youwannalethimin?’
‘Youknowhisknock?’
Iopenedthedoorandwelcomedtheyoungdetectiveintothetent.
‘What’sup,kid?’Iasked.
‘I’msosorryaboutRanjit,Karla,’hesaid.
‘Someonehadtokillhim,’Karlareplied,lightingasmalljoint.‘I’mjustgladitwasn’tme.It’sokay,Naveen.Isleptitoff,andI’mokay.’
‘Good,’hesaid.‘Gladtoseeyou’restillpunching.’
Hestaredatme,thenatKarla,thenatmeagain.
‘What’sup?’Iasked.
‘Sorry,’hesaid.‘Justgettingmyheadaroundthetwoofyoubeingtogetherallthetime.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘There’sahotelpool,youknow,’hesaidhappily,‘onhowlongOleggetstokeepyourrooms.Olegpickedthree–’
‘Anyothernews,Naveen?’Iasked,pullingonjeans.
‘Oh,yeah,’hesaid.‘Dennisisendinghistrance,tonight.There’sgonnabealotofpeoplethere.Ithought…maybe…youneedtogetoutintheair,Karla.’
KarlalookedinterestedinseeingDennisrisefromhistwo-yearsleep,butIwasn’tsureifshewasreadyfordistraction.Iwasn’tsureIwasreadyforitmyself.I’dstayedupmostofthenightandday,watchingoverKarlaandpayingthecopstoleaveheralone.AndthewholetimeI’daskedmyselfagainandagainthequestionsaboutRanjitandLisa,thatonlyRanjit,deadRanjit,couldanswer.
‘Youwannagoout,orstayin,girl?’
‘Andmissaresurrection?I’llbereadyinfive,’shesaid.
‘Okay,I’min,’Isaid,pullingonashirt.‘It’snoteverydaysomeonerisesfromthedead.’
WewalkeddowntothearchbeneaththehotelandfoundRandallsittinginthebackofthecar.HewasreadingacopyofBuryMyHeartatWoundedKnee,theinteriorlightsablue-whiteblushonhisface.
Karlahadgivenhimthecar,becauseherefusedtostopfollowingherwhilesherodewithme,justincasesheneededhim.He’dacceptedthegift,andtransformedthecapaciousrearseatsintoasleepinglounge,completewithasmallrefrigeratorrunningonbatterypower,andasoundsystemthatwasbetterthanmine.
Hewasbarefoot,inblacktrousersandawhite,open-neckedshirt.Hisbronze,Goaneyes,fadedbygenerationsofsunandsea,werefilledwithhappylight.Hesteppedfromthecar,andslippedintohissandals.
Hewashandsome,tall,smartandbrave.AshecametogreetKarla,smilingteethatherlikeshellsonaperfectshore,IcouldseewhyDivalikedhimsomuch.
‘Howareyou,MissKarla?’Randallasked,takingherhandforamoment.
‘I’mfine,Randall,’shesaid.‘Gotanipyoucangiveme,fromyourwell-stockedbar?Ihadabaddreamlastnight,andI’mthirsty.’
‘Comingup,’Randallreplied,openingthedoorofthecarandfetchingasmallbottleofvodka.
‘Tothespiritsofthedeparted,’Karlasaid,throwingitbackintwogulps.‘Now,let’sgoraisethedead.’
‘WouldthisbetheriseofDennistheSleepingBaba,MissKarla?’
‘Indeeditis,Randall,’sherepliedwistfully.‘Insteadofawake,let’shaveanawake,shallwe?’
‘Withunadulteratedpleasure,’hesmiled,sadforwhatshe’dbeenthrough,butgladthatshewasupandoutagain.‘Tothepsychicresuscitationitis.’
‘Andnotadeathcertificatetoosoon,’Naveenadded.
IlookedattheIndian–Irishdetective,whowastalkingtoRandallwhilehepreparedthecar,andwonderedwhatthoughtsroamedhismind:forthreeweeks,RandallhadbeendatingthewomanNaveenloved.IlikedRandall,andIlikedNaveen,almostasmuchastheyseemedtolikeeachother.NaveenhuggedRandall,andRandallhuggedNaveen.Itlookedgenuine,anditwasconfusing:ifthingsgotugly,Iwouldn’tknowwhichonetohit.
‘I’llleavemybike,andridewithRandall,’Naveensaid,asKarlaandIsaddledupthebike.
WerodebetweensatinbannersoftraffictotheColabanhiveofancienthousing,nearSassoonDock.Thenightsmellofdeadanddyingseathingsfolloweduspastthedock,andlingeredtothecolonyofverandaswhereDennisreposed.
Therewasacrowdonthestreet.Hugebusesontheregularrouteploughedfieldsofpenitents,whomovedasideinwavesofheadsandshoulderstoletthemetalwhalesswimthrough.
WeworkedourwaytoaplacenearthefrontwithaviewoftheverandawhereDennis,itwasexpected,wouldemergefromhislongself-inducedcoma.
Peoplewereholdingcandlesandoillamps.Somewereholdingbunchesofincense.Otherswerechanting.
Dennisappeared,standinginthedoorwayofhisrooms.Helookedatthewideverandaforamomentasifitwasared-tiledriver,andthenlookedupatthecrowdofsupplicantsgatheredonthestreetafewstepsbelow.
‘Hello,allandeveryone,hereandthere,’hesaid.‘Itisquietindeath.Ihavebeenthere,andIcantellyouthatitisveryquiet,unlesssomeonekillsyourhigh.’
Peopleshoutedandcheered,callingoutnamesfortheDivine.Dennistooktentativesteps.Thecrowdscreamedandchanted.Hewalkedacrossthebalcony,downthesteps,ontotheroad,andthencollapsedinthecentreofthecrowd.
‘Now,thisisentertainment,’Karlasaid.
‘Youfigure?’Iasked,watchingbelieversraintearsonDennis,whowashorizontalagain.
‘Oh,he’llgetupagain,’Karlareplied,leaningagainstme.‘Ithinktheshowonlyjuststarted.’
Dennissatupsuddenly,scatteringthecrowdawaitinghisblessing.
‘Ihaveit,’hesaid.‘IknowwhatImustdo.’
‘Whatisit?’severalvoicesasked.
‘Thedead,’Dennissaid,hisdeepvoiceclearinthehush.‘Imustservethem.They,too,needministry.’
‘Thedead,Dennis?’someoneasked.
‘Exclusivelythedead,’hereplied.
‘Buthowtoservethem?’anothervoiceasked.
‘Firstofall,’Dennisappealedtothem,‘doyouthinkIcouldsmokeaverystrongchillum?Beingaliveagainiskillingmyhigh.Willsomeoneprepareachillum,please?’
Dozensattendedtothat,makingthetaskmorecomplexthanrequired,untilBillyBhasufinallysquattedbesidethestrickenmonkofsleeping,andofferedhimachillum.
Dennissmoked.Peopleprayed.Someonerangtemplebells.Someoneelseclangedfingercymbals,whileafaintvoicerecitedSanskritmantras.
‘Thisguyisamovie,’Karlasaid.
ShecockedherheadovermyshouldertolookatRandall,halfapacebehindus.
‘Areyouclockingthis,Randall?’
‘Quiteaspectacle,MissKarla,’Randallsaid.‘Spontaneouscanonisation.’
‘You’vegottogiveittoDennis,’Naveenadded.‘He’shisownuniverse.’
Dennisstruggledtohisfeet.Apalanquinarrived,bornebysturdyyoungmenthreadingtheirwaythroughthecrowdwithshoutsandgrunts.Itwasthesamebierthatcarriedthedeadtotheburningghats,butithadbeenmodifiedtoaccommodateachair,coveredwithsilverimitationleather.
Theyoungmenputthepalanquinontheground,helpedDennisintothechair,thenraisedittotheirshouldersandcarriedDennisawayontheirlongmarchtotheGatewayofIndiamonument.
Dennissmiledbenevolently,blessingupturnedfaceswiththechilluminhishand
‘Ilovethisguy,’Karlasaid.‘Let’sfollowtheparade.’
Werodebesideandaroundtheprocession,windingthroughleafystreetstotheGatewaymonument.Thecrowdofpeoplegrew,asdrummersanddancersandtrumpetplayerslefttheirhomestojointhemarch.Bytheendoftheprocessionthereweremorepeoplewhohadnoideawhatitwasallaboutthanpeoplewhostartedtheparade.
Andbythetimewerodetoavantagepoint,Denniswasinthecentreofafrenzythatwelcomedhimhome,whethertheyknewitornot,fromyearsofsilentpenance.
AhundredmetresawayinthechambersoftheTajMahalhotel,menwhoruledtheOverworldwerenetworking:apro-businessgovernmenthadbeenselectedbythem,andelectedbythepoor,andsuccessfulmenwerethrowingnetsintoanewseaofcommercialcorruption.
Fivehundredmetresaway,Vishnu,theheadofthenewlynamed307Company,afterthenumberintheIndianpenalcodecoveringattemptedmurder,ruledtheUnderworldinaruthlesspurgeofMuslimsfromhisgang.TheonlyonesallowedtostayweretheoneswhotoldhimaboutPakistan,andeverythingelsetheyknewaboutfallenSanjay’sschemes.
Abdullahvanished,afterthefire,andno-oneknewwherehewas,orwhathewasplanning.TheotherMuslimsfromtheoriginalCompanybrokeaway,gatheredagainintheheartoftheMuslimbazaarsinDongri,andopenedclosertieswithgunsuppliersfromPakistan.
Theriotshadscarredthecity,astheyalwaysdo:callsforcalmfromleadershighandlowcouldn’tstilltherillsoffear.Beyondthehorrorofcommunalviolenceitself,therewasthecoldrealisationthatsuchathingcanhappenatall,eveninacityasbeautifulandlovingastheIslandCity.
Karlaclappedintimewiththechanting.RandallandNaveenwaggedtheirheadsfromsidetoside,goingwiththebeat.AndhundredsofthepoorandthesickstruggledandpressedthroughthethickeningthrongtotouchthepalanquincarryingDennis,riseninglory.
LightsshoneonthehugeGatewayMonument,butfromwherewestood,thewidearchwaywasjustaslenderthread:theeyeoftheneedlethatthecameloftheBritishRajcouldn’tpassthrough.
Theseabeyondwasablackmirror,scatteringlightsfromhundredsofsmallboatsinjaggedwaves:fingerprintsoflightpressedonapaneofthesea.
AnddesperateprayersechoedfromtheTrojantowerthattheBritishleftintheIslandCity:soundsthatmovedaway,likeeverysound,eternally.
Everysoundweuttergoesonforever,continuingthroughspaceandtimeuntillongafterwe’regone.Ourhome,ourEarth,transmitstotheuniversewhateverweshout,orscream,orpray,orsing.Thelisteninguniverse,thatnight,inthatsomehowsacredspace,heardprayersandcriesofpain,raisedbyhope.
‘Let’sride,’Karlasaid,swingingontothebackofmybike.
WeswungawayfromtheGatewayareaslowly,givingRandallandNaveentime.Andthecrowdchantedlouder,cleansingtheconflictedsignalsintheIslandCity’sair,forawhile,withthepurityoftheirplea.ChapterSeventy-Five
Happinessabhorsavacuum.BecauseIwassohappywithKarla,thesadnessinNaveen’seyesreacheddeeperintothepoolofempathythanitmight’vedone,ifsadnesswasstillavacuuminmyownheart,aswell.Thebraveloveinhisaffectionseemedtohaveretreated,andIwantedtoknowifitwasrecovering,ordefeated.
WhenwereturnedtotheAmritsarhotel,IgotamomenttopullNaveen’ssleeveinthecorridorbehindJaswant’sdesk.
‘What’sgoingon?’Iaskedhim.
‘Goingon?’
‘Randallisdatingthewomanyoulove,andyou’rehuggin’himlikeabrother.Idon’tgetit.’
Hebristled,inthewaythatdangerousyounganimalsbristle,morefromreflexthanrage.
‘Youknow,Lin,therearethingsthatareprivate,forareason.’
‘Fuckthat,youIrish-Indian.What’sgoingon?’
Herelaxed,surethatIcared,andleanedagainstthewall.
‘Ican’tdothatworld,’hesaid.‘Ican’tevenbeinthatworld,unlessI’maskinguncomfortablequestions,orhelpingtoarrestsomeone.’
‘Whatworld?’
‘Herworld,’hesaid,asiftheywerehiswordsforhell.
‘Youdon’thavetojoinherworld,tobeherboyfriend,’Isaid.‘Randallisdatingher,andhelivesinhiscar.’
‘Isthatsupposedtomakemefeelgood?’
‘It’ssupposedtomakeyourealisethatwhenyouwentonthatmore-than-a-datewithBenicia,youmesseditup.Yougottamakeitright.Youearntheloveyoufeel,man.’
Hehunghisheadasifitwasthethirdroundofasix-roundfighthecouldn’twin.Ifeltbad.Ididn’twanttodepresshim:IwantedhimtoknowthathewasRandall,andthensome.AndIwantedtoremindhimthatDivaknewit,too.
‘Look,kid–’
‘No,’hesaid.‘It’sokay.Ihearwhatyousay,butI’mnotfightingthis,andIneverwill.’
‘Ifyoudon’tgetitoutintheopennow,it’llcomeoutwithsomeoneelse,lateron.Andthat’llbeonyou,becauseyoucanfixthisnow.’
Hesmiled,andstoodupstraight,hiseyesonmine.
‘You’reagoodfriend,Lin,’hesaid.‘Butyou’reshakingthewrongbush.I’mafreeman,andDiva’safreewoman,andthat’sthewayitshouldbe.’
‘Isaidmypiece,’Isaid,stillsayingmypiece,‘butIdon’tseeyouquitting.’
‘Everypeaceismadebysomebodyquitting,’heshrugged.
Ilookedathim,squintingthetruthoutofhim.
‘YoupractisedthatforKarla,didn’tyou?’
‘Yeah,’heconfessed,smiling.‘Butit’strue,inthiscase.I’mnotgoingthere,Lin,andI’dappreciateitifyoudon’tgothereagaineither,afterthis.Ireallymeanit.AndI’vegotnothingagainstRandall.He’sagoodguy.Betterhimthanabadguy.’
‘Yougotit,’Isaid,sadderthanhewas,itseemed.‘Let’sgoseewhatKarlaisdoing.’
KarlawasonthecarpetedfloorwithDidier,doingaséancewithaouijaboard.
‘Oh,no,Icannotcontinue,’Didiersaid,whenwewalkedin.‘Yourenergyissodisruptive,Lin.’
‘Oneofyourfinestqualities,’Karlasaid.‘Comesithere,Shantaram,andseeifwecandisruptthespiritsoftheAmritsarhotel.’
‘There’stoomanyspiritsinthistownthatIknewinperson,’Isaid,smiling.‘Andspeakingofspirits,Didier,thatboxofwineyouorderedissittingonJaswant’sdesk.You’dbettergetonit,beforehetaxesit.Helovesredwine.’
Didierscrambleduprightandhurledhimselfthroughthedoor.
‘Mywine!’hesaid,ashefled.‘Jaswant!’
Naveenwalkedoutafterhimtohelp.IwalkedovertoKarla,pushedherbackonthecarpet,laydownbesideher,andkissedher.
‘SeehowtrickyIam?’Isaid,whenourlipsparted.
‘Iknowexactlyhowtrickyyouare,’shelaughed,‘becauseI’mtrickier.’
Kisseswithoutconsequenceorexpectation:kissesasgifts,feedingher,feedingmewithlove.
Therewasaknockontheopendoor.ItwasJaswant,andJaswantwasn’tago-awayguy.
‘Yes,Jaswant?’Isaid,leaningawayfromKarlatolookathim,framingthedoorway.
‘Therearesomepeopletoseeyou,’hewhispered.‘Hello,MissKarla.’
‘Hello,Jaswant,’shesaid.‘Haveyoulostweight?Youlooksofit.’
‘Well,Itrytokeep–’
‘Whatpeople,Jaswant?’Iasked.
‘People.Toseeyou.Scarypeople.Atleast,thewomanisscary.’
MadameZhou,Ithought.KarlaandIwereonourfeetatthesametime.Iwasreachingforweapons.Karlawasputtingonlipstick.
‘Lipstick?’
‘IfyouthinkI’llseethatwomanwithoutlipstick,’shesaid,rufflingherhairinthemirror,‘youjustdon’tgetit.’
‘You’reso…right.Idon’tgetit.’
‘Ihavetokillher,beforeIkillher,’shesaid,turningtome.‘So,let’sgokillher,twice.’
WeslippedfromherroomstoJaswant’sfoyer,Karlabesideme.
Acid.Karla.Acid.Karla
Ihadmyknifeinmyhand.Karlahadagun,andknewhowtouseit.Weedgedaroundthepartitionwalltoseethedeskareaclearly,andsawtwopeoplestandinginfrontofJaswant’sdesk.Jaswantlookedworried.
Iedgedaroundfurther.Icouldn’tseetheman,butthewomanwasshort,thirtyandchunky.Shewaswearingamenacingstareandabluehijab.
‘It’sokay,’IsaidtoKarla,walkingintoview.‘We’reoldfriends.’
‘That’sstretchingit,’BlueHijabsaid,stillmenacingJaswantintohisswankychair.
‘Identityapproved,’Jaswantsaid.‘Pleasegothrough,Madame.’
ShewaswithAnkit,theconciergeofthehotelinSriLanka.Hesmiledandsaluted,twofingersagainsthisbrow.
Iwavedback.BlueHijabhadherarmsfolded.ShekeptthemfoldedasshescowledJaswantdeeperintohisseat,thencametogreetme.Ankitwasastepbehind.
‘Salaamaleikum,soldier,’Isaid.
‘Waaleikumsalaam,’shesaid,unfoldingherarmstoshowtheverysmallautomaticpistolshehadinherhand.‘Wehaveunfinishedbusiness.’
‘Salaamaleikum,’Karlasaid.‘Andthat’smyboyfriendyou’retalkingtowithaguninyourhand.’
‘Waaleikumsalaam,’BlueHijabsaid,staringbackatthequeens.‘Thegunisagift.Andit’sstillloaded.’
‘Justlikemine,’Karlasmiled,andBlueHijabsmiledback.
‘BlueHijab,’Isaid,‘meetKarla.Karla,meetBlueHijab.’
Thewomenstaredatoneanother,sayingnothing.
‘AndthisisAnkit,’Iadded.
‘Adistinctprivilegetomeetyou,MissKarla,’Ankitsaid.
‘Hi,Ankit,’Karlasaid,hereyesonBlueHijab.
‘Ankitmakesadrinkthat’sgonnamakeRandallabsinthewithenvy.It’slikealiquidportalbetweendimensions.You’vegottatryit.’
‘Alwaysapleasuretopreparetheportalforyou,sir.’
‘Yougirlshavegotsomuchincommon,’Isaid,andthoughttosaymore,butBlueHijabandKarlalookedatmeinexactlythesamenotveryflatteringway,andIunthoughtit.
‘Youmarrythem,’BlueHijabsaid,‘hopingthey’llchange,andgrow.Andtheymarryus,hopingthatwewon’t.’
‘TheconnubialCatch22,’Karlasaid,takingBlueHijabbythearmandleadingherbacktotheBedouintent.‘Comewithme,youpoorgirl,andfreshenup.Youlookverytired.Howfarhaveyoucometoday?’
‘Notsofar,today,buttwenty-onehoursyesterday,andthedaybeforethat,’BlueHijabsaidbeforehervoicefaded,andKarlashutthedoor.
Jaswant,AnkitandIwerestaringatthecloseddoor.
‘That’soneveryscarywoman,’Jaswantsaid,wipingsweatfromhisneck.‘IthoughtMissKarlawasscary,nooffence,baba,butIswear,ifI’dseenthatwomaninthebluehijabcomingupthestairsintime,I’dhavebeeninthetunnel.’
‘She’sokay,’Isaid.‘She’smorethanokay,infact.She’sdamncool.’
‘Inoticedaliquorstorenotfarfromhereonourarrival,sir,’Ankitsaid.‘MightIpresumetobuytheingredientsforyourspecialcocktail,andprepareaportalortwoforyou,whileweawaittheladies?’
‘Buy?’Jaswantsaid,throwingtheswitchandopeningthepaneltohissurvivalstore.
Hethrewthenextswitch,andthelightsbegantoflash.Hisfingerhoveredoverthethirdswitch.
‘Youknow,Jaswant–’Itried,butIwastoolate.
ThestompandshakejivemusicofBhangrabangedfromthedeskspeakers.
IlookedatAnkitasheinspectedthegoodsinJaswant’ssecretstore.HisgreyhairhadbeencuttoCaryGrantsleekness,andhe’dgrownathinmoustache.Athigh-length,navybluetunicwithhighcollarsandmatchingsergetrousersreplacedhishotelserviceuniform.
HelookedoverJaswant’sgoodswithascholarlyeye:adebonairaffairexaminingbaublesinadultery’swindow.
‘Ithinkwecanworkwiththis,’hesaid.
ThentheBhangragottoAnkit,andhebackedawayfromthecolouredwindowandstartedtodance.Hewasn’tbad:goodenoughtogetJaswantoutofthechairanddancingwithhimuntiltheendofthesong.
‘Wanttohearitagain?’Jaswantpuffed,hisfingerovertheswitch.
‘Yes!’Ankitsaid.
‘Businessbeforepleasure,’Iessayed.
‘That’strue,’Jaswantconceded,comingaroundtothesecretwindow.‘Letmeknowwhatyouwant.’
‘Ineedtodoalittlechemistry,’Ankitsaid.‘AndIbelievethatyouhavealltherightchemicals.’
‘Alright,’Isaid.‘Let’sgetthesedrinksunderway.We’reinforthenight.KarlaandIhavenowheretogo,andallthetimeintheworldtogetthere.Doyourstuff,Ankit.’
Bottlespoured,limejuicefilledabeaker,coconutdessicated,bitterchocolatewasgratedintopowderedflakes,glassesappeared,andwethreemenwerejustabouttotestthefirstbatchofAnkit’salchemywhenKarlacalledouttome.
‘Startwithoutme,guys,’Isaid,puttingmyglassdown.
‘You’releavingthecocktailpartybeforeitstarts?’Jaswantobjected.
‘Savemyglass,’Isaid.‘IfyouheargunplaywhileI’minthere,comeandrescueme.’ChapterSeventy-Six
IfoundBlueHijabandKarlasittingcross-leggedonthefloornearthebalcony,thecarpetsaroundthemapondofknottedmeditations.Therewasasilvertraywithroseandmintflavouredalmonds,sliversofdarkchocolateandchipsofglazedginger,besidehalf-drunkglassesoflimejuice.Redandyellowlightsflashingatthesignalsbelowblushedtheirfacessoftlyinthedarkenedroom.Theslowoverheadfanfrettedincensesmokeintoscrolls,andaslowbreezeremindedusthatthenight,outside,wasvast.
‘Sithere,Shantaram,’Karlasaid,pullingmedownbesideher.‘BlueHijabhastogosoon.Butbeforeshedoes,she’sgotsomegoodnews,andsomenotsogoodnews.’
‘Howareyou?’Iasked.‘Areyouokay?’
‘I’mfine,Alhamdulillah.Doyouwantthegoodfirst,orthenotsogood?’
‘Let’shavethenotsogood,’Isaid.
‘MadameZhouisstillalive,’BlueHijabsaid.‘Andstillfree.’
‘Andthegoodnews?’
‘Heracidthrowersarefinished,andthetwinsaredead.’
‘Waitaminute,’Isaid.‘Canwebackthisup?HowcomeyouknowaboutMadameZhou?Andhowcomeyou’rehere?’
‘Ididn’tknowaboutMadameZhou,’shesaid.‘AndIwasn’tinterestedinher.Iwantedtheacidthrowers.We’vebeenhuntingthemforayear.’
‘Theyburnedsomeoneyouknow,’Irealised.‘I’msorrytohearthat.’
‘Shewasagoodfighter,andshe’sstillagoodcomradeandagoodfriend.ShewasonleaveinIndia,fromthewar.Somebodyhiredthosetwoacidthrowers,andtheymadeherfaceintoamask.Aprotestmask,Isupposeyoucouldsay.’
‘Isshestillalive?’Karlaasked.
‘Sheis.’
‘Isthereanythingwecando?’
‘Idon’tthinkso,Karla,’BlueHijabsaid.‘Unlessyou’dliketohelpherpunishtheacidthrowers,whichshe’sdoingnow,aswespeak.Itwillgoonforsometime,yet.’
‘Youcaughttheacidthrowers?’Karlaasked.‘Didanyonegetburned?’
‘Wethrewblanketsonthem,andkickedthemuntiltheyshovedtheiracidbottlesoutfromundertheblankets,andthenwedraggedthemaway.’
‘Andthetwinsjumpedintohelpthem,’Isaid,‘thinkingyouwereathreattoMadameZhou.’
‘Theydid.Wedidn’trealisetheywereprotectingMadameZhou.Wedidn’tcare.Wewantedtheacidthrowers.MadameZhouranaway,andweletherrun.Westoppedthetwins,andgrabbedtheacidthrowers.’
‘Youstoppedthetwinsforgood?’
‘Yes.’
‘Whatdidyoudowiththem?’
‘Weleftthemthere.That’swhyIhavetoleavesoon,Inshallah.’
‘Whateveryouneed,it’syours,’Isaid.‘Howdidyouthinktotellmeaboutthis?’
‘Wetooktheacidthrowerstoaslum.Fourbrothersandtwenty-fourcousinsofthegirltheyburnedarealllivingthere.Andthegirlislivingthere,withalotofotherpeoplewholoveher.Wequestionedtheacidthrowers.Wewantedalistofeverygirlthey’veeverburned.’
‘Why?’
‘Sowecouldvisitthefamilies,later,onebyone,andtellthatthemthosemenaredead,andwillneverdoittoanothergirl.Andthentovisiteveryoneoftheclientswhopaidthemtoburngirls,andmakethempayincashforthehelltheyspatonthem,andgivethemoneytothegirlstheyorderedburned,Inshallah.’
‘BlueHijab,’Karlasaid,‘Iknowweonlyjustmet,butIloveyou.’
SheputherhandonKarla’swrist.
‘Whentheacidthrowersstartedtalking,’shesaid,turningtome,‘weheardyournameontheirlist.Theytoldmethey’dbeenfollowingyoufortheMadame,thatwomaninblackwhoranaway.Igottheacidthrowerstotellmewhereyoulive,andIcametowarnyouaboutthewoman.’
Itwasashock,alotofshocks,andoneofthemwasthethoughtoftheacidthrowers,beingtorturedtodeathbypeoplethey’dtortured.Itwastoomuchtothinkabout.
‘Thanksfortheheads-up,BlueHijab,’Isaid.‘You’releavingtonight.Howcanwehelpyou?’
‘IhaveeverythingIneedformyself,’BlueHijabsaid,‘butImustbefarawayfromhere,bymorning.MyproblemisAnkit.Ican’tgoonwithhim,becausethesuddenchangeinplansallowsforonlyoneofustobesmuggledatatime.Iknowhewillinsistonstaying,andlettingmegoon,andthatiswhatIhavetodo,butI’mafraidtoleavehim.’
‘No-onewillharmhimifhestaysherewithus,’Isaid.
‘No,’shesaid.‘I’mafraidtoleavehim,becausehe’ssoviolent.’
Ithoughtoftheamiablenightporterwiththedelicateanticipationofothers’needs,thedebonairmoustacheandtheperfectcocktail,andIcouldn’tputittogether.
‘Ankit?’
‘He’saverycapableagent,’BlueHijabsaid.‘Oneofthebest,andmostdangerous.Notmanymadeittogreyhairinthiswar.Butit’stimeforhimtoretire.Hislastassignmentwasalmostthreeyearsasthenightporterinahotel,whereeveryjournalistenjoyedadrink,andlikedtotalk.Buthe’stoowellknownnow.Thatwashislastassignment.IwassupposedtotakehimtocontactsinDelhi,wherehecanfindanewlife,butshootingthetwinschangedtheplan.’
‘Ishewanted?’Iasked.‘Shouldwehidehim?’
‘No,’shefrowned.‘Whywouldhebewanted?’
‘Twodeadtwinscometomind.’
‘MycomradesandIshotthetwins.He’snotinvolvedatall.’
‘Thetwinswerehardmentostop.Youshotthemwiththatlittlegun?’
‘Ofcoursenot,’shesaid,takingthesmallautomaticfromthepocketofherskirtandholdingitinherpalm.‘Ionlyshootmyhusbandwiththisgun.That’swhyhestoleitfromme.’
‘Butyouhaditinyourhandwhenyousaidhello,’Ismiled.
‘Foradifferentreason,’shesaid,herthoughtsdreamingintothepistolinherhand.
‘CanIseeit?’Karlaasked.
BlueHijabpassedthesmallpistoltoher.Karlalookeditover,findingtheplaceinherpalmwherelinesofintentmeetthepowerofconsequence.Sheallowedhereyestodriftslowlyupwarduntiltheymetmine.
‘Nice,’shesaid,passingthegunbacktoBlueHijab.‘Wannaseemine?’
‘Ofcourse,’BlueHijabreplied.‘ButIwantyoutokeepthispistol.I’mgoingtomeetmyMehmusoon,Inshallah,andIknowIwon’tneeditthistime,oreveragain.We’vebeentalking,andthingsareverygoodnow,Alhamdulillah.’
‘Youwantmetohaveit?’Karlaasked,takingthesmallautomaticback.
‘Yes,IwasplanningtogiveittoShantaram,butnowthatImetyou,Ithinkitshouldgotoyou.Doyouacceptmygift?’
‘Ido.’
‘Good.ThenIwouldliketoseeyourgun.’
Karlahadamattblacksnub-nosedfive-shot.38revolver.Shetookitfrombeneathaflapofcarpetbesideher,flippedthechamberopen,letthecartridgesfallintoherlap,andsnappedtheemptychamberbackinplace.
‘Nooffence,’shesaid,handingtheguntoBlueHijab.‘Hairtrigger.’
BlueHijabexaminedthesmall,deadlyweaponexpertly,andhandeditback.Shefelttheheftofherowngunagainreassuringly,closingpalmtofingers,whileKarlareloadedthesnub-nosedpistol.
Forafewsecondstheybothlookedupatme,gunsinhand,theirexpressionsthoughtful,butstrangelyblankatthesametime.Forme,itwasawallofwomannessintheireyes,andIhadnoideawhatwasgoingon.Iwasjustgladtobeawitness;toseetwowild,strong-mindedwomenmeet.
‘BlueHijab,’Karlasaid,afterawhile,‘pleaseletmegiveyouagiftinreturn.’
Shepulledthelongspikefromthecurlatthebackofherhead,shakingpanther-pawsofblackhairfreetoprowl.
‘Forwhenyou’renotwearingahijab,’shesaid,offeringthehairpin.‘Beverycareful.Onlyeverholditbythejewel,asIam.Hairtrigger.’
Itwasablowpipedart.Therewasasmallrubyfixedintoabrasscollaratthebluntend.
Karlastoodupquickly,skippedtoherbedroom,andreturnedwithalong,thinbottleinredglass.TherewasaMayandesignsetintothescrewcap.
‘Curare,’shesaid.‘Iwonthedartandthebottleinawordgamewithananthropologist.’
‘YouwonthisplayingScrabble?’BlueHijabasked,holdingthebottleinonehandandthedartintheother.
‘Somethinglikethat,’Karlareplied.‘YouleavethedartsoakingintheCurareovernight,onceeveryfullmoon.Andhey,wearitcarefully,Iscratchedmyselfonceandhadwide-awakedreamsforacoupleofhours.’
‘Wonderful,’BlueHijabsaid.‘Isitsofastacting?’
‘Jabitintoaman’sneckandhe’llonlyfollowyousixorsevensteps.Overcomesthedisadvantageofhighheels.’
‘Iloveit,’BlueHijabsaid.‘CanIreallykeepit?’
‘Youmust.’
‘Thankyou,’BlueHijabsaidshyly.‘I’mverypleasedwithyourgift.’
‘WhatdoyouandMehmufightabout,whenyou’reduellingatdawn?’Karlaasked.
‘Thehijab,’BlueHijabsaid,sighingmemoriesofpastfights.
‘Hethinksit’stooorthodox?’
‘No,Karla,hedoesn’tthinkit’scoolenough.He’ssomuchintofashion.Hehastwelvepairsofjeans,andfightsforthepoorinallofthem.Hewantsmetotakethehijaboff,andlookascoolastheothers,whocomefromEurope,andhavelongblondehair.’
‘Youdolookcool,’Karlasaid.‘That’sagreatblue,bytheway.’
‘Butnotascoolastheothercomrades,’shegrowled.
‘Theothercomrades?’
BlueHijablookedatme,thenbackatKarla.
‘Shantaramdidn’ttellyouanythingaboutme,didhe?’
‘Idon’tknowanything,’Isaid.‘Idon’tknowwhatcolouryourflagis,andIdidn’task.’
‘Youdon’thaveloyaltytoaflag?’BlueHijabasked,frowning.
‘Notreally,’Isaid.‘Butveryoftentothepersonholdingone.’
‘Mehmu,AnkitandIarecommunists,’shesaid,turningtoKarlaagain.‘WewerewiththeHabashgroup.WetrainedwithPalestiniansfromthePFLPinLibya,butwehadtobreakaway.Theygottoo…emotional,inwhattheyweredoing.’
‘What’saTamilgirlfromSriLankadoinginLibya,withPalestinians?’Karlaasked.‘IfIcanaskitwithoutsteppingintoyourgarden.’
‘Learningtodefendourpeople.’
‘Didithavetobeyou?’Karlasaidsoftly.
‘Whowilltakeuptheguns,ifwealllaythemdown?’BlueHijabrepliedbitterly,trappedonawheeldesignedbyrevengetokeepragerotating.
‘YouandMehmureallyfightaboutthehijab?’Karlaasked,changingthemoodwithasmile.
‘Allthetime,’BlueHijabsmiledback,coveringhergirl-mouthwithhersoldier-hand.‘ThefirsttimeIshothim,itwasbecausehesaidthatthehijabputtenpoundsonme.’
‘Walkedintothatone,’Karlalaughed.
‘Youdon’tthinkitdoes,doyou?’
‘Yourhijabhasaslimmingeffect,’Karlasaid.‘Andyouhavealovelyface.’
‘Youthinkso?’
‘Waitaminute,’Karlasaid,springingupquicklyandskippingtothebedroom.
‘You’realuckyman,’BlueHijabsaid.
‘Iknow,’Ismiled,myeyeswaitingforKarlatocomeback.‘AndsoisMehmu.’
‘No,’BlueHijabsaid.‘Imean,you’realuckymanbecauseyournamewasthenextontheacidthrowers’list.’
Iturnedtofaceher,readingdarkthingsinhereyesthatsheknewdarkly.
Karlapaddedbacktositwithus.Shehadasmallbluevelvetpouchwithher,andshepresseditintoBlueHijab’shands.
‘Lipstick,eyemake-up,nailpolish,hashish,chocolate,andalittlebookofpoemsbySeferis,’Karlasaid.‘Forwhenyougetwhereveryouget,andcanclosethedoor.’
‘Thankyousomuch,’BlueHijabsaid,blushing.
‘Wegirlshavegottasticktogether,’Karlasaid.‘Whoelseisgonnasaveourmen?Tellmeaboutthesecondtimeyoushotyourhusband.’
‘ThesecondtimewasbecausehesaidthatoneofthegirlsfromtheEastGermandelegationinsistedthathetouchherlong,silkyhair,andthathelikedit,andwantedmetotakeoffthehijabandshowmyhair.’
‘Imight’veshother,’Karlasmiled.
‘Ican’tshootherforsuggestingit,’BlueHijabsaidseriously,‘Mehmuisahandsomeman.ButIjustifiablyshothimfordoingit.’
‘Wheredidyoushoothim?’Karlaasked,hazardously.
‘Inthebicep.Menhatelosingtheirbigmusclesforsixmonths,anditdoesn’tdomuchpermanentdamage.Youusethesmall-calibrepistol,pressitagainsttheinnersideofthebicep,aimoutwards,andletonego.Allyouneedisagoodwallontheothersidetostopthebullet.’
‘Haveyouthoughtofmarriagecounselling?’Karlaaskedthoughtfully.
‘We’vetriedeverything–’
‘No,Imean,haveyouthoughtaboutbecomingamarriagecounsellor,’Karlasaid.‘Ithinkyou’reanatural,andthere’sanotherofficefree,downstairs,inthisbuilding.Wecouldlinkittomybusiness.’
‘Whichiswhat?’BlueHijabasked.‘IfIcanaskitwithoutsteppingintoyourgarden.’
‘I’mapartnerinacompanycalledtheLostLoveBureau.Wefindlostlovedones,andreunitethemwiththeirfamilies.Sometimes,findingisasstrangeaslosing,andreunitedloversneedcounselling.It’sagoodfit,andyou’rewelcometofitin.’
‘Ilikethisidea,’BlueHijabsaidshyly.‘I’vebeenlookingforanewwindow,onethatisn’tcoveredwithnewspapers.I’m…verytired,andsoisMehmu.Whenit’ssafetoreturn,Iwillvisitwithyouanddiscussitagain,Karla,Inshallah.’
Iwastryingnottobenoticed,anddoingagoodjob.Theirsecretwomen’sbusinesswasbeingactedoutinfrontofme,andmendon’tgettoseethat,unlessinvited.Thentheynoticedme,andkindofuninvitedme.Karlawassmiling,butBlueHijabwasscowling,thepoisoneddartinherhand.
‘You,ah,yousaidyouhadaproblemwithAnkit?’Iasked.
‘Theescaperouteisonlyforme,nowthattheplanhaschanged,’BlueHijabsaid,softeningalittle,andturningtoKarla.‘Ican’ttakehimwithme.ButIcan’tjustabandonhim.He’sagoodcomrade.Agoodman.’
‘I’llfindhimajobintheblackmarket,ifyoulike,’Isuggested.‘He’llbeokay,untilyoucomebackforhim.’
‘I’llhirehim,’Karlasaid.‘Hewasthenightporterofalargehotelforthreeyears.Thosetalentsarealwaysneeded.’
‘Or,hecouldworkintheblackmarket,withme,’Irepeated,defendingmygutter.
‘Ornot,’Karlacountered,smilingatme.‘Underanycircumstances.’
‘Eitherwayhe’llbeokaywithus,’Isaid.‘Don’tworry.’
BlueHijabfixedthejewelledhairpinintothecapofthelongthinbottle,andscrewedthedeadlythornshut.Sheslippeditintoanotherinvisiblepocketinherskirt.
‘Ihavetogo,’shesaid,standingupalittleunsteadily.
KarlaandIrushedtohelpherbutsheheldusaway,herhandslikeanemones.
‘I’mfine,’shesaid,‘I’mfine,Alhamdulillah.’
Shestraightenedup,pattedherskirtsintoplace,andwalkedoutwithustoJaswant’sdesk.
Ankitwasnowhereinsight.Jaswantwasn’tatthedesk:hewaseatingsnacksfromhisownsurvivalstash.Heturnedtofaceme,crumbsinhisbeard,biscuitsinhishands.
‘Where’sAnkit?’Iaskedhim.
‘Ankit?’hegasped,asifIwasaccusinghimofeatinghim.
‘Thecocktailcaptain.Whereishe?’
‘Oh,him.Nicefella.Abitshy.’
Hedriftedoff,shakingbiscuitsfromhisbeard,andstaringatthepatterntheymadeonthefloor.
‘Howmanycocktailsdidyouhave,Jaswant?’
‘Three,’hesaid,fourfingersintheair.
‘HanguptheClosedsign,’Isaid.‘You’reonthechemicalride.Where’sAnkit?’
‘Randallcameuphere,hadacoupleofdrinks,andtookhimdownstairstoshowhimthecar.Why?’
‘Where’sNaveen?AndDidier?’
‘Who?’
IturnedtoBlueHijabandKarla.
‘IcantakeyoutoAnkitonyourwayout,’Isaid.
‘No,’shesaidquickly.‘Ican’tsaygoodbye.ToomanytimesIsaidgoodbye,andnevergottosayanythingelse.Isthereanotherwayoutofthishotel?’
‘Takeyourpick,’Isaid.‘Thereareseveralwaysout.’
‘I’llescorttheladymyself,’Jaswantsaid,cocktailedenoughnottobescaredofBlueHijab.‘Ineedtotakeawalktogetmyheadclear.’
‘Wouldyoulikeustocomewithyou,BlueHijab?’Karlaasked.
‘No,please,it’sbetterwhenI’malone.I’msaferwhenIonlyhavetofightforme,Alhamdulillah.’
‘Untilyoujoinyourhusband,’Karlasaid.‘Andthenyou’llbetogether,andmaybeyou’lldosomethinghappier,likemarriagecounselling.Haveyougotmoney?’
‘AllIneed,Alhamdulillah,’shesaid.‘Iwillseeyouagain,Karla,Inshallah.’
‘Inshallah,’Karlasmiled,huggingher.
BlueHijabfacedme,asmilegloweringinafrown.
‘IcriedformyMehmuandme,thatdayinthecar,’shesaid.‘ButIalsocriedforyou.I’msorrythatthegirldiedwhileyouwereaway,andIcouldn’ttellyou.Ilikedyou.Istilldo.AndI’mhappyforyou.Allahhafiz.’
‘Allahhafiz,’Ireplied.‘Takecare,Jaswant,okay?Looksharp.You’rethreesheetstothewind,man.’
‘Noproblem,’hesmiledback.‘Securityguaranteed.I’llputitonyourbill.’
Whenwewerealone,KarlasatbehindJaswant’sdesk.Herfingerhoveredoverthethirdbutton.
‘Youwouldn’t,’Isaid.
‘YousoknowIwould,’shelaughed,throwingtheswitch.
Bhangrarumbledfromthespeakers,shoulder-shakingloud.
‘Jaswant’sgonnahearthat,andchargemeforit,’Ishouted.
‘Ihopeso,’sheshoutedback.
‘Okay,youaskedforit,’Isaid,pullingherupfromJaswant’schair.‘Timetodance,Karla.’
Sheeasedupoutofthechair,butleanedagainstme.
‘Youknowbadgirlsdon’tdance,’shesaid.‘Youdon’twannamakemedance,Shantaram.’
‘Youdon’thavetodance,’Ishoutedoverthemusic,dancingawayfromherafewsteps.‘That’sokay.That’sfine.ButI’mdancing,rightoverhere,andyoucanjoinme,anytimeyougettheurge.’
Shesmiledatmeandwatchedforawhile,butthenshebegantomove,andsheletitloose.
Herhandsandarmswereseaweed,surfingwavesmadebyhips.Shedancedovertomeandaroundmeincirclesoftemptation,thenthewavelappedagainstme,andshewasallblackcatsandgreenfire.
Badgirlsdodance,justlikebadguys.
Shewasdreamingthemusicatme,andIwasthinkingthatIdefinitelyhadtogetthismusicfromJaswant,andmaybehissoundsystemaswell,whenIdancedintoapostman,standinginthedoorway.
Karlathrewtheswitchandthemusicstopped,leavinguswiththehissingechoofsuddensilence.
‘Letter,sir,’thepostmansaid,offeringmehisclipboardtosign.
Itwasstillnight-dark,andwasn’tfarfromdawn,butitwasIndia.
‘Okay,’Isaid.‘Aletterforme,isit?’
‘YouareMrShantaram,andthisisforMrShantaram,’hesaidpatiently.‘So,yes,sir,thisisforyou.’
‘Okay,’Isaid,signingfortheletter.‘Kindalatetobeonyourrounds,isn’tit?’
‘Or,veryearly,’Karlasaid,standingnexttomeandleaningagainstmyshoulder.‘Whatbringsyououtatthistimeofnot-working,postman-ji?’
‘Itismypenance,Madame,’thepostmansaid,stowingtheclipboardinhisshouldersack.
‘Penance,’Karlasmiled.‘Theinnocenceofadults.What’syourname,postman-ji?’
‘Hitesh,Madame,’hesaid.
‘AGoodPerson,’shesaid,translatingthename.
‘Unfortunatelynot,Madame,’hereplied,handingmetheletter.
Istuffeditintomypocket.
‘Whyareyoudoingpenance,mayIask?’Karlaasked.
‘Ibecameadrunkard,Madame.’
‘Butyou’renotadrunkardnow.’
‘No,Madame,Iamnot.ButIwas,andIneglectedmyduty.’
‘How?’
‘Iwassodrunk,sometimes,’hesaid,speakingquietly,‘thatIhidafewsacksofletters,becauseIcouldnotdeliverthem.Thepostaldepartmentmademeenteraprogram,andafterIcompletedit,theyofferedmemyjobbackifIdeliveralloftheundeliveredlettersonmyowntime,andwithanapologytothepeopleIbetrayed.’
‘Andthatbringsyouhere,’shesaid.
‘Yes,Madame.Istartwiththehotels,becausetheyareopenatthishour.So,pleaseacceptmyapology,MrShantaram,fordeliveringyourlettersolate.’
‘Apologyaccepted,Hitesh,’wesaid,atthesametime.
‘Thankyou.Goodnightandgoodmorningtoyou,’hesaid,asombrelookpullinghimdownthestairstohisnextappointment.
‘India,’Isaid,shakingmyhead.‘Iloveyou.’
‘Aren’tyougoingtoreadit?’Karlaasked.‘AletterdeliveredbyFate,inthepersonofareformedman?’
‘Youmean,aren’tyougoingtoreadit,right?’
‘Curiosityisitsownreward,’shesaid.
‘Idon’twanttoreadit.’
‘Whynot?’
‘AletterisjustFate,nagging.Idon’thavegreatluckwithletters.’
‘Comeon,’shesaid.‘Youwrotemetwoletters,andthey’rethetwobestlettersIevergot.’
‘Idon’tmindwritingthem,nowandthen,butIdon’tlikegettingthem.Oneofmyideasofhellisaworldwhereyoudon’tjustgetalettereveryweekorso,butyougetoneeveryminute,ofeveryday,forever.It’sthestuffofnightmares.’
Shelookedatme,andthenatthecorneroftheletter,pokingfrommypocket,andbackatme.
‘Youcanreadit,Karla,ifyouwantto,’Isaid,givinghertheletter.‘Pleasedo.Ifthere’sanythingIneedtoknow,you’lltellme.Ifthere’snot,tearitup.’
‘Youdon’tevenknowwhosentit,’shesaid,readingtheenvelope.
‘Idon’tcarewhoit’sfrom.Ihavebadluckwithletters.Justtellmeifthere’ssomethingIshouldknow.’
Shetappedtheenvelopeagainsthercheekthoughtfully.
‘It’salreadyoutofdate,soIthinkI’llreadthislater,’shesaid,slidingitinsidehershirt.‘AfterwefindAnkit,andmakesurehe’sokay.’
‘Ankit’sfine.Hecantakecareofhimself.He’sadangerouscommunist,trainedbyPalestiniansinLibya.I’drathergointoyourtent,andmakesureeverything’sokayuphere.’
‘Let’sgodowntherefirst,’shesmiled,‘beforewecomeuphere.’ChapterSeventy-Seven
Wewentdown,thinkingofup,andheardRandallandAnkitlaughingbeforeweturnedintothearchway,behindthefa?adeofthehotel.
Whenwereachedtheconvertedlimousine,parkedagainstthewall,wefoundRandallandAnkitstretchedoutintheback,Vinsonsittingonthemattressbetweenthem,andNaveeninthedriver’scabinwithDidier.
‘Nice,’Karlasaid,smilingwide.‘Howyoudoin’,guys?’
‘Karla!’Didiershouted.‘Youmustcomeandjoinus!’
‘Hi,Karla!’othervoicescalled.
‘What’stheoccasion?’Karlaasked,leaningontheopenreardoorofthecar.
‘Wearecommiserating,’Didiersaid.‘Weareallabandonedmen,ortragicallyseparatedmen,andyouwillenjoyourmasculinemiseryimmensely.’
‘Abandoned?’Karlascoffed.‘Ettu,Didier?’
‘Tajbrokeitoffwithme,tonight,’hesobbed.
‘Imagine,’Karlareplied.‘Chiselledoutoflovebyasculptor.’
‘MissDivabrokeitoffwithme,too,’Randalladded.
‘Andwithme,’Naveensaid.‘Strictlyfriends,fromnowon,shetoldme.’
‘Ihaveneverfoundlove,’Ankitsaid.‘Mysearchhasnotyetended,butIhavebeenaloneinitforaverylongtime,andhavemyownbubblesofsorrowintheglassweraise.’
‘Rannveigkickedmeoutoftheashram,’Vinsonsaid.‘Ifoundher,andIlostheragain.ShesaidIhadtostaytherewithherforlikeanothermonth.Awholemonth.Mybusinesswouldgotohell,man,ifIdidthat.Shedidn’tgetit.Shekickedmeout.LuckyIfoundtheseguys.’
TheyweredrinkingAnkit’sanaestheticincocktailglasses.Vinsonwasloadingthebowlofabong.Theglassreservoirwasshapedlikeaskull.Asmallmother-of-pearlsnakeemblemwasswimminginit.
Heofferedittome,butIdeflectedittoKarla.
‘IfI’mgonnadothat,andtryAnkit’sfamouscocktails,’shesaid,wavingitaway,‘I’vegottasitinsidethatcar,guys.’
‘Sitherebetweenus,Karla,’Didierpleaded.
‘Comeon,Lin,’sheaskedme.‘Wheredoyouwanttosit?’
‘I’mgonnawipethebikedown,’Isaid,knowingthatshe’dfindthelimousinefullofmasculinelamentfinerentertainmentthanIwould.‘Yougoahead,andI’lljoinyouguyslater.’
Shekissedme.Naveengotoutofthecarandheldthedoorforher.ShecrawledintothefrontseatbesideDidier,butbackwards.Sheproppedacushionagainstthedashboardandsatcomfortably,lookingintothebackofthecar,herlegscrossedontheseat.
Naveengavemeasmileashegotinthecar,andshutthedoor.RandallswitchedonsomeflashingJaswantsurvivalstorelights,andpassedKarlaoneofAnkit’scocktails.Sheraisedtheglass.
‘Gentlemen!’Shesaid.‘TotheLostLoveBureau!’
‘TheLostLoveBureau!’theyshouted.
Oncue,Olegstrolledintothealley,hisperpetualsmilestrugglingalittle.Hebrightenedwhenhesawthepartyinthecar.
‘Kruto!Sogladtoseeyou,Lin.’
‘Wherehaveyoubeen,man?’
‘Thosegirls,’hesaid.‘ThoseDivas.Theywrungmeoutlikeawrestler’stowel,man,thentheythrewmeout.I’mfeelingtotally–’
‘Razbit?’Ioffered.
‘Razbit,’herepeated.‘What’sthepartyabout?’
‘It’stheannualmeetingforlostlovers,anditstartedwithoutyou.Getinthere,man.’
TheyshoutedandhootedanddraggedOlegintotheloungeintheback,whereheloungedbesideRandall,cocktailinhand.
Waitingformylove,Iwalkedtomybike,parkednearthebestexitfromthealleyway.Itookcleaningragsfromundertheseat,andwipedherdowntenderly.
WhileKarlaroaredandDidiershriekedwithlaughter,Italkedtomybikeandreassuredherthatshewasn’talone.
IwasworriedaboutMadameZhou.Ididn’tknowherwellenoughtoknowifshelovedthetwins,orlovedanythingatall.Butshe’dbeeninseparablefromthemformanyyears.Shewasalreadyderanged,andpronetorevenge.Iwantedtoknowifshewasangryanddefeated,orjustangry.
Andtheshadowthatsheseemedtoprefermaterialisingfrom,everynowandthen,wastheshadowinthearchwayunderourhotel,whereKarlawashavingsomuchfun.
Dawnwasanhouraway,andthatsacredsunwouldsearthevampire,Ihoped.Isatonthepolishedbikeandsmokedajoint,watchingbothentrancestothealley,andturningateveryfootstep,orsoundofavehicle.
Somethinkingandworryingtimelater,thefrontdoorofthecarlaughedopen.AtipsyNaveenshuffledoutofthecar,holdingthedoorwithexaggeratedchivalry.
Karlasteppedoutquickly,andstrolledtojoinme,doingverygoodlanguid.
Naveencalledfarewell,andtheboysinthestretch-bedcarshoutedgoodnight.Randallloweredtheshuttersonthewindowsofthecar,preparingfordaybreak.
‘Doyoumindifwesithere,untildawnisupandrunning?’Iasked.
‘Notatall,’shesaid,sittingbesidemeonthebike.‘You’reonguardduty,aren’tyou?’
‘MadameZhougivesmethecreeps.Andshewasattachedtothosetwins.’
‘She’llgethers,’shesaid.‘Shealreadygotsome,fromBlueHijab.Karma’sahammer,notafeather.’
‘Iloveyou,’Isaid,watchingdawn’spaleshadowslightherface,wantingtokissher,butenjoyingthethoughtofitsomuchthatIdidn’tkissher.‘Howwasitinthecar?’
‘Damngood,’shesaid.‘I’vegotsomuchstufftoworkwith,inthenextaphorismcontest.Itwaslikeanacupuncturemapofmaleinsecurity.’
‘Givemeone,’Isaid.
‘Noway,’shelaughed.‘It’snotrefinedyet.’
‘Justone,’Ibegged.
‘No.’
‘Justone,’Idouble-begged.
‘Okay,okay,’shesurrendered.‘Here’sone.Menarewisheswrappedinsecrets,andwomenaresecretswrappedinwishes.’
‘Damnnice.’
‘Youlikeit?’
‘Ido.’
‘Itwasfunseeingthemenunwrapped,sotospeak.ItwasDidier,ofcourse.Noneofthemwould’vebeensoopen,withouthimlettingthemdoit.’
‘DidyoutellAnkitaboutBlueHijab?’
‘Yeah,’shesmiled.‘Imanagedtoslipitintothegeneralconsternation.Hetookitwell.’
‘Good.’
‘AndIofferedhimajob.Hetookthatwell,too.’
‘Smartman.Andfastwork,onyourpart.Whatelsedoyoudofast,KarlaMadame?’
Themorningwasawakeenoughtoleavetheboystothemselves,andIwantedtogobacktothetent.Itookasteptowalkusaway,butKarlastoppedme.
‘Willyoudosomethingwithme?’sheasked.
‘Nowyou’retalking,’Ismiled.‘That’sjustwhatIhadinmind.’
‘No,’shesaid.‘Imean,willyougosomewherewithme?’
‘Isitupstairs,toyourtent?’
‘Afterthetent.’
‘Sure,’Ilaughed,justaslaughtercackledfromthemeninthedarkenedlimousine.‘Butonlyifyoustopstealingmycharacters.’
‘Yourcharacters?’
‘Ankit,andRandall,andNaveen,’Ismiled,knowingthatshe’dunderstand.
Shelaughed.
‘You’reoneofmycharacters,’shesaid.‘Anddon’teverforgetit.’
‘Well,sinceyou’rewritingit,wheredoIwanttogowithyou?’
‘Tothemountain,’shesaid.‘ToseeIdriss.’
‘Great,’Isaid.‘Wecanmakealongweekendofit.’
‘Iwasthinkinglongerthanthat,’shesaid.
‘Howmuchlonger?’
‘Untiltherainstarts,’shesaidsoftly.‘Andmaybeuntilitstops.’
Twomonths?
Itwasn’tasimplething:notwhenyourbusinessisblack.
TherewasakidIknew,ayoungsoldiernamedJagat,who’dfallenthroughthecracksinVishnu’spurge:hewasaHinduwhodidn’tagreewiththrowingMuslimsoutsimplybecauseoftheirreligion.Vishnucouldn’thurthim,becausehewasaHindu,buthethrewhimoutwiththeMuslims.
Thekidwascapable,stillontalkingtermswiththe307Company,andcouldkeepthemoneychangersinlineifIsteppedaway.
Itwaspossibletotakeabreak,andpossiblethatyoungJagat,theRonincutofffromhisCompany,couldkeepthebusinessrunningforme.
ItwasalsopossiblethatI’dreturnfromsuchalongbreaktotheruinofallIhad,andtheyoungRonindead,orgone.
‘Sure,’Isaid.‘I’llgoanywherewithyou,Karla.Icangetawaythatlong,butcanyou?’
‘IsignedRanjit’sproxysharesovertohisunfavouritesister,’shesaid,takingmyarmaswewalkedbacktothestairway.‘IgaveTajandthegallerycommitteemysharesinthegallery.IsignedovereverythingImightinheritfromRanjit,afterprobate,tohisunfavouritebrother.HewastheonewhobribedRanjit’schauffeurtoputthefakebombinRanjit’scar.Itseemedfitting.’
‘WashingRanjit’sliquidassetsoutofyourhair.’
‘Ikeptsomeliquid,’shesaid,‘torebaptisemyself,fromtimetotime.’
‘Youreallywanttostayonthemountainforacoupleofmonths?’
‘Ido.Iknowit’snoteasyupthere,andyou’vegotyourstuffgoingonhere,butIwantustohavesomefreshair,andfreshideas,forawhile.Ineedtoscrubtheghostsoff,andmakeacleanstartwithyou.Doyouthinkyoucoulddoit?Forme,andforus?’
I’macityboy,wholovesnature,butIlikemycitycomforts.Itwasn’tafirstchoicetospendmonthswithlotsofotherpeopleinaclosecommunity,havingcoldshowersandsleepingonathinmattressontheground.Butshewantedit,andneededit.Andthecitywasstilltense,aftertheriotsandthelockdown,andhadn’tfullysettledintoitsusualsemi-strange.Itwasasgoodatimeasanytobesomewhereelse.
‘Alright,’Isaid,makinghersmile.‘Let’sseewhatthemountaindoestous.’PartFourteen
ChapterSeventy-Eight
Ontheforestroadtothemountain,softleavesofnewtreesbrushedourfacesaswepassedthem,kissingawaybluehorizonswitheverycurveintheroad.Monkeysscatteredtoboulderperches,sittinginjudgement.Anomenofcrowstriedtoworryusforward,swoopinginphalanxesoffeatheredshields,andlizardsscamperedoncrumblingtrunksoffallentrees.
Wewereonthebike,Randallandtheothersbehindusinthecar.Awildtiger’sroarfromthepreserve,faraway,shookcolouredbirdsfromtrees.Theyflewintotheopenroad,acloudpartinginflightaroundusaswereachedthemountaincarpark.
Weparkedthebikeandcarbehindthesnacksandcolddrinksshop,payingtheattendantwelltowatchoverthem.IalsotoldhimthatI’dbebackeverytwodaystocheckonmybike,andwouldn’treacthappilyifshewereoffendedinanywaywhileshewasinhiscare.Ididn’tworryaboutthecar.Thecarwasbigenoughtotakecareofitself.
Wehadacrewwithus:Randall,Vinson,AnkitandDidier.NaveenandOlegwantedtocome,butthetwolostloverswereholdingdownthefortattheLostLoveBureau.Whenwereachedthefirststeepclimb,Didieraskediftherewasanalternativeroute.
Karlawasabouttotellhim,Ithink,butIcutheroff.IknewhowscepticalandbelligerentDidiercouldbeinthepresenceofsanctity.IwantedhimtosweathiswayintoIdriss’scamponthesummit,notstrollintoit.
‘Areyousayingyoucan’tmakethisclimb?’Ichallenged.
‘Certainlynot!’Didiersnapped.‘Showmethemostdifficultpath.ThereisnomountaintallerthanDidier’sdetermination.’
WesetoffwithKarlainthelead,mefollowing,thenDidier,Randall,VinsonandAnkit.Didierclimbedwell,withmyhandpullingfromabove,andRandallpushinghimfrombelow.
Vinsonclamberedhiswaypastus,enjoyingtheclimb.IwassurprisedtoseeAnkitonlyafewstepsbehindhim,vanishingaboveusintheseaweedsmotherofgrass,bushesandvines.
Karlalaughedatonepointintheclimb,andIthoughtofAbdullah,complimentingherbytellingherthatshewasasagileasanape.
‘Abdullah,’Icalledouttoher.
‘ExactlywhatIwasthinking,’shelaughed.
Thenwebothshutdown,thinkingofthetall,brave,violentfriendweloved.He’dvanishedagain,justashe’ddonebefore.Iwonderedwhenwe’dseehim,andifwewerereadyforwhatwe’dfind,whenwedid.
Wereachedthesummitinsilence,joiningVinsonandAnkit,whowerestandingwiththeirhandsontheirhips,lookingatthemesa,theschoolforthesage,Idriss.
Therewerestrandsofflowersstrungfromanewtemporarypagodamadeofbamboopoles.Acanvassheetinorange,whiteandgreen,thetricolouroftheIndianflag,repeateditselfinwavesofwindinthecanopy.
Thepagodaprovidedawideareaofshadeinthecentreofthecourtyard,whichhadbeencoveredwithfinecarpets.Fourwide,comfortablecushionswerearrangedinasemicirclearoundasmall,fist-highwoodenstage.
Beyondthepagoda,studentswerebusypreparingforasignificantevent.
‘Isitalwayslikethis?’Randallasked.
‘No,’Isaid.‘Itmustbesomespecialoccasion.Ihopewe’renotintruding.’
‘Ihopetheyhaveabar,’Didiersaid.
IcaughtKarla’seye.
‘You’rewonderingwhobroughtthosecarpetsandbamboopolesuphere,aren’tyou?’Karlaaskedmequietly,asourcrewofcitysinnerstookinthescene.
‘Someonehadtodragthatbeautyuphereforbigshotstositon,’Ismiled.‘Evenontheeasypath,that’seitheralotofdeference,oralotofrespect.I’mwonderingwhich.’
Silvanocamethroughthegroupsofpeoplewhoweresettingoutdecorationsandpreparingfoodontrays.
‘Comeva,ragazzopazzo?’heaskedme,asheapproached.Howyoudoing,crazyguy?
‘Respiroancora,’Ireplied.Stillbreathing
HekissedKarlaonbothcheeks,andthenhuggedme.
‘It’swonderfulyou’reheretoday,Lin,’hesaidhappily.‘I’msohappytoseeyou.Whoareyourfriends?’
IintroducedSilvano,andhegreetedeveryone,hissmiledevotion-bright.
‘It’stheDivinethatbroughtyouallheretoday,Lin,’Silvanosaid.
‘Oh,yeah?IthoughtitwasKarla’sidea.’
‘No,Imeanthatthereisagreatdebatetoday.Greatsages,fromfourdistricts,havechallengedIdrisstoadiscourse.’
‘Adiscourseonphilosophy?’Karlaasked.‘It’sthefirstoneinmorethanayear,isn’tit?’
‘Indeed,’Silvanoanswered.‘Andtodaywewillhaveallthebigquestionsatonce,andalltheanswers.Itisagreatchallenge,bygreatholymen.’
‘Whendoesitstart?’Karlaasked,queenswarmingupforbattle.
‘Itshouldbeaboutanhourfromnow.Wearestillgettingready.Thereisplentyoftimetogetfresh,afteryourclimb,andeatasnack,beforethechallengebegins.’
‘Isthebaropenyet?’Didierasked.
Silvanostaredbackathim,uncomprehending.
‘Yes,sir,’Ankitsaid,rattlingthebackpackthathe’dcarrieduptheraggedslope.
‘ThankGod,’Didiersighed.‘Whereisthebathroom?’
IleftKarlawithDidierandtheothers,tookapotofwaterintotheforest,foundasecludedspacethatdidn’tseemtomindtoomuch,andwashedmyself.
AssoonasKarladetachedfromme,afterthatlongridetothemountain,Ibegantoheartheshriekofsomethingbreaking,somewhere.ClimbingtothecamponthemesawithKarla,IrealisedthattheshriekingIheard,andcouldn’tstophearing,wastheacidthrowers,breakingonrevenge.
FromthemomentthatBlueHijabtoldmeaboutthecapture,andtorture,anddeathoftheacidthrowers,I’dbeenfeelingthatredtideofburningsouls,lappingatmyfeet.
OntheridetothemountainwithKarlaholdingme,I’ddriftedinlove,aleafonaSundaypond.Butwhenwedetached,andasweclimbed,memoriescrawleddeeperintotheflinchoffear.Thebruiseofthechain,worsethanthebite:screamsofsurrender,alwayslouderthanscreamsofdefiance.
Atthesummit,whileeveryonewasgettingreadyforthegreatdebateofwisethinkers,Iwenttothewiseforesttocleanmyself,andtobealone,withmemoriesoftortureandsubmission.
IwashurtingforBlueHijabandherfriend,thehorriblyburnedcomrade,andallthecousinsandneighbourswhoweresooutragedandangrythattheydidtothetorturerswhatthetorturershaddonetothem.
Buteveryexecutionkillsjustice,becausenolifedeservestobekilled.Isurvivedthedesert-insideofprisonbeatings,andstumbledon,becauseIforgavethemenwhotorturedme.Ilearnedthattrickfromtorturedmen,whofeltittheirdutytopassiton,whenIwaschainedandbeateninmyturn.
Letitgo,thosedifferentwisemensaid.Hatingthem,liketheyhateus,willruinyourmind,andthat’stheonethingtheycan’thit.
‘Areyougood,baby?’Karla’svoicecalledfrombehindthetrees.‘Thedebatestartssoon,andI’mgonnareserveseatsforus.’
‘I’mgood,’Icalledback,notgood,notevennot-good-okay.‘I’mgood.’
‘Twominutes,’shecalledback.‘Wecan’tmissthis.It’smadeforus,Shantaram.’
IknewwhyKarlahadbroughtustothemountainandthefabledsage:shewantedtohealme.Shewantedtosaveme.Iwasbreakinginside,andshecouldseeit.Andmaybeshewas,too.LikeKarlaandeveryothersoldierIknew,Ijokedandlaughedaboutthingsthatmadeotherlesswoundedheartsweep,andI’dlearnedtohardenmyselfagainstlossanddeath.Ilookbacknow,andthepastisaslaughter:almosteveryoneI’veeverlovedisdead.Andtheonlywaytolivewiththeconstantcullofwhatyouloveistotakealittleofthatcoldgraveintoyourself,everytime.
Whensheleft,Iletmyeyesdriftintothemazeofleavesthatonlytreesunderstand.Hatredhasitsgravitationalweb,lockingstrayspecksofconfusionintospiralsofviolence.Ihadmyownreasonstohatetheacidthrowers,ifIwantedtohatethem,andIwasn’timmunetothetrembleintheweb.Butitwasn’thatredthatItriedtocleanoffmyself,inthatforest,onthemountain:itwasashameIdidn’tcreate,butdidn’tstop.
Sometimes,forsomereason,Icouldn’tstopit,orIdidn’tstopit.Sometimes,forsomereason,Iwasapartofsomethingwrong,beforeIknewthatIwasn’trightanymore.
Intheforest,alone,Iforgavewhatwasdonetome.InthekneelingplacewithinmyownfaultsIforgavethemforwhattheydid,andhopedthatsomeone,somewhere,wouldforgiveme.Andthewindinlavishleavessaid,Surrender.Oneisall,andallisone.SurrenderChapterSeventy-Nine
Faithishonestyinside,arenegadepriestoncesaidtome.So,fillupwheneveryoucan,son.FaithfulstudentsofthemysticteacherIdrisshopingthattheexchangewithhisinquisitorswouldfillthemwithwisdom,gatheredonthewhite-stonemesainlate-afternoonsunlight.
Someunfaithfulobserversgatheredaswell:afewfollowersofthegreatsages,whowerehopingtoseeIdriss,thearrogantlyhumblethinker,tumblefromacliffofcontumacy.Faithisalsoitsownchallenge,likesincerity,andpuritydrawsswordsinfearfulhearts.
Didier,faithfultohisownpleasures,foundahammockstrungbetweentrees,andwrestledwiththealligatorofknottedropeforawhile,hopingtofindawaytostayonitbeneathashadytreeforthedurationofthediscourse.
Karlawouldn’tlethim.
‘Ifyoumissthis,’shesaid,pullinghisjacket,‘Iwon’tbeabletotalktoyouaboutit.Soyoucan’tmissit.’
Sheputourgrouptogetherwithaviewofthequestioningfacesandtheinterrogatedsage.
Thespectatorshadmadeanarenaofcushions,arrangedaroundthepagodacloseenoughtoheareveryinflectionorinference.Expectation,theghostofreputation,movedthroughthecrowdasstudentsswappedstoriesaboutthelegendarysageswho’dchallengedIdriss.
Theholymenemergedfromthelargestcave,wherethey’dmeditatedtogetherinpreparationforthethoughtcontest.Theywereseniorguruswiththeirownfollowings,theyoungestofthemthirty-five,andtheeldestperhapsseventy,afewyearsyoungerthanIdriss.
Theyweredressedinidenticalwhitedhotigarments,wrappedlux-uriouslyabouttheirskin,andworerudrakshabeadsinchainsaroundtheirnecks.Thebeadswerereputedtohavesignificantspiritualpowerstodetectpositiveandnegativesubstances.Aslegendhasit,rudrakshabeadsheldoverapuresubstancerotateinaclockwisedirection,andinananticlockwisedirectionovernegativesubstances,whichisoneofthereasonswhynoguruisfarfromahigh-qualitystrand.
Theyalsoworeringsandamuletstomaximisethepoweroffriendlyplanetsintheirastrologicalcharts,andminimisetheharmofunfriendlyspheres,faraway,butneverpowerless.
Thestudentshadwhisperedthatwewereforbiddenfromspeakingthenamesofthefamoussages,becausetheywantedtheirchallengetoIdrisstoremainanonymous,outofmodesty.
Inmymind,asIsawthemwalkouttotaketheirplacesonthelargecushions,withstudentsthrowingrosepetalsintheirpath,IcalledthemGrumpy,fortheyoungestone,Doubtful,forthenext,Ambitiousforthethird,andLetMeSeefortheeldestinthegroup,whowasthequickesttofindhisseat,andthefirsttoreachforalimejuiceandapieceoffreshpapaya.
‘Howlongwillthistake?’Vinsonwhispered.
‘Okay,’Karlasaid,holdingfrustrationatbaywithverytightlips.‘Doyouwanttospendsevenyearsstudyingphilosophy,andtheology,andcosmology,Vinson?’
‘I’mgonnasayNo,’hereplied,uncertainly.
‘DoyouwannasoundtoRannveiglikeyou’vedonesevenyearsofstudy?’
‘I’mgonnasayYes.’
‘Good,thenbequiet,andlisten.ThesechallengestoIdrissonlyhappenonceayearorso,andthisismyfirst.It’sachancetogetallofitinoneshot,andI’mgonnahearit,fromstarttofinish.’
‘Willtherebeanintermission?’Didierasked.
Idrisskneltatthefeetofeachsage,eldesttoyoungest,andtooktheirblessingsbeforehetookthesmallstage,settledhimself,andgreetedtheassembly.
‘Letussmoke,’hesuggestedgently.‘Beforewebegin.’
Studentsbroughtalargehookahpipeintothepagoda,andgaveasmokinghosetoeachofthesages.ThelongesthosereachedtoIdriss,whopuffedthebowlalight.
‘Now,’hesaid,whenallhadsmoked,includingDidier,whokeptpacewiththeholymenonafinelytaperedjoint.‘Please,challengemewithyourquestions.’
ThesageslookedatLetMeSee,offeringhimthefirstassail.Theelderlysagesmiled,drewabreath,andwadedintotheshallowstoskipasemanticstoneacrossthewater.
‘WhatisGod?’LetMeSeeasked.
‘Godistheperfectexpressionofallthepositivecharacteristics,’Idrissanswered.
‘Onlythepositivecharacteristics?’
‘Exclusively.’
‘CanGodnotdoevil,then,orcommitsin?’LetMeSeeasked.
‘Ofcoursenot.AreyousuggestingthatGodcancommitsuicide,orlietoaninnocentheart?’
Therewasaconferenceamongtheholymen.Icouldseetheirproblem.Godsinallages,accordingtomanysacredtexts,killhumanbeings.Somegodstorturehumansoulseternally,orpermitit.Idriss’sversionofaGodincapableofevilwasdifficulttoreconcilewithsomeofthegreatbooksoffaith.
Theconferencebrokeup,withthebatonstillinLetMeSee’shands.
‘Andwhatislife,greatsage?’LetMeSeeasked.
‘Lifeisanorganicexpressionofthetendencytowardcomplexity.’
‘ButareyousayingthatlifewascreatedbytheDivine,orthatitcreateditself?’
‘Lifeonthisplanetbeganfromthestrangelyimprobablebutperfectlynaturalcooperationofinorganicelements,inalkalineventsundertheseas,leadingtothefirstbacterialcells.Thatprocessisbothself-creating,andDivine,atthesametime.’
‘Youarespeakingscience,greatsage?’
‘Scienceisaspirituallanguage,andoneofthemostspiritualpursuits.’
‘AndwhatisLove,greatsage?’
‘Loveisintimateconnection.’
‘Iwasspeakingaboutthepurestformoflove,greatsage,’LetMeSeereplied
‘AswasI,greatsage,’Idrissanswered.‘Ascientistapplyinghertalents,tryingtofindacureforadisease,ismakinganintimateconnection,andisfloodedwithlove.Walkingadogthattrustsyouthroughameadowisanintimateconnection.OpeningyourhearttotheDivine,inprayer,isanintimateconnection.’
LetMeSeenodded,andchuckled.
‘Iyieldthefloor,temporarily,tomyyoungercolleagues,’hesaid.
‘Howcanweknow,’Ambitiousbegan,wipingsweatfromhisshavedhead,‘thatthereisanexternalreality?’
‘Indeed,’Doubtfuladded.‘Evenifweallowcogitoergosum,howcananyofusknowthattheworldbeyondthemindthatwethinkisreal,isn’tjustaveryvividdream?’
‘Iinviteanyonewhodoesnotbelieveinanexternalreality,’Idrisssaid,‘toaccompanymetotheedgeoftheravine,notfarfromhere,andthenIinviteyoutojumpintoit.Iwilltaketheslowpath,downthehill,andwhenIgettothebottom,Iwillcontinuethediscussionaboutanexternalrealitywithanysurvivors.’
‘Agoodpoint,’LetMeSee,theeldestsage,said.‘I,forone,amasurvivor,andIamstayingrighthere.’
I’dheardallthequestionsatonetimeoranotheronthemountain,andIknewmostofIdriss’sanswersbyheart.Hiscosmologywasconjectural,buthislogicwaselegantandconsistent.Hiswasaneasymindtoremember.
‘Freewill,’Grumpy,theyoungestofthem,said.‘Wheredoyoustand,Idriss?’
‘Beyondthefourphysicalforces,andmatter,spaceandtime,therearetwogreatspiritualenergiesintheUniverse,’Idrisssaid.‘ThefirstofthoseenergiesistheDivineSourceofallthings,whichiscontinuinglyexpressedsincethebirthoftheUniverseasaspiritualtendencyfield,somethinglikeamagneticfieldofdarkerenergy.ThesecondinvisibleenergyisWill,whereveritarisesintheUniverse.’
‘Whatisthepurposeofthistendencyfield?’Grumpyasked.
‘Itspurposeisindeterminable,atthispointinourawareness.But,aswithenergy,weknowwhatitdoes,andhowtouseit,eventhoughwedon’tknowwhatitis.’
‘Butwhatisitsvalue,sage?’Grumpyasked.
‘Itsvalueisinestimable,’Idrisssmiled.‘Theconnectionbetweenthespiritualtendencyfield,andourhumanWill,isthepurposeoflifeatourlevel.’
Idrisswavedforanewhookahpipe,andSilvanobroughtittothepagoda.TheItalianacolytehadlefthisrifleoutsidethearena,butstillmovedhiselbowashebenttoplacethepipe,asifexpectingtheinvisibleweapontofallfromitssling.
‘Okay,’Vinsonsaid,whisperingtoKarla.‘Like,Ididn’tgetanyofthat.’
‘You’rekidding,Stuart,right?’
‘Like,nada,man,’Vinsonwhispered.‘Ihopethewholeshow’snotasbrainiacasthatpart.Howmuchdidyoufollow?’
Karlalookedathimcompassionately.Oneofthethingsshelovedmostintheworld,maybethethingshedidlovemostintheworld,wasaforeignlanguagetohim.
‘Whydon’tyouletmedialitdownfromtenforyou,’Karlasuggested,herhandonhisarm,‘andgiveyoutheT-shirtversion?Tillyougetonyourfeet.’
‘Wow,’Vinsonwhisperedback.‘Wouldyoureallydothat?’
Karlasmiledathim,thenlookedatme.
‘Canyoubelievehowcoolthisis?’sheasked.
‘Oh,yeah,’Ismiledback.
‘Itoldyouwehadtocomeuphere.’
Idrissandtheothersagesemptiedtheburninginspirationfromthebowl,andturnedagaintoburningquestions.
‘Howso,master-ji?’Doubtfulaskedquickly.‘Howcantheconnectiontothistendencyfield,ortotheDivine,explainthemeaningoflife?’
‘Thequestionisinvalid,’Idrisssaidsoftly,beingkindtoacolleaguewhowasalsopursuingatruthworthyofpenance.‘Meaningisnotanattributeoflife.Meaningisanattributeofwill.Purposeisanattributeoflife.’
Thesagesconferredagain,leaningtowardLetMeSee,whowasfacingIdrissdirectly.Theyshovedangelsfromtheheadofapin,onebyone,decidingwhichportionofthetinydomewouldgivethembestpurchase.
Idrisssighed,lookingoutatthefacesofthestudents,dressedinwhite,amagnoliacircleoffascination.Thetallesttreesbravedthedepartingsun,shieldingtheholymenwithshade.
‘So–’Vinsonbegantoask.
‘Meaningoflife,wrongquestion,’Karlasaid.‘Purposeoflife,rightquestion.’
‘Wow,’Vinsonsaid.‘So,that’s,like,twoquestions.’
Thesagesdrewapart.Doubtfulclearedhisthroat.
‘AreyouspeakingofconnectingwiththeDivine,orwithotherlivingcreatures?’
‘Everytrueconnection,honestandfree,nomatterwhereitoccurs,withaflowerorasaint,isaconnectiontotheDivine,becauseeverysincereconnectionautomaticallyconnectstheconnectorstothespiritualtendencyfield.’
‘Buthowcanoneknowthatoneisconnected?’Doubtfulaskeddoubtfully.
Idrissfrowned,loweringhiseyes,unabletosuppressthesadnesshesawwavingfromalonelyshoreofDoubtful’sdevotion.Helookedupagain,smilingatDoubtfulkindly.
‘Thetendencyfieldaffirmsit,’Idrisssaid.
‘How?’
‘Sincerepenance,suchaskindness,orcompassion,connectsustothetendencyfield,’Idrisssaid.‘Thetendencyfieldalwaysresponds,sometimeswithamessagefromadragonfly,sometimeswiththegrantingofaferventwish,andsometimeswiththekindnessofastranger.’
Thesagesconferredagain.
Vinsonusedthebreakinthediscoursetothrowhisarmaroundmyshoulderandpullmeintohisconfusion.HeleanedusintowhispertoKarla,butshedidn’tlethimstart.
‘Theforceisalwayswithyou,ifyougiveupforce,’Karlasaid.
‘Oh.’
Thesagescoughedtheirwaybackintothedebatepolitely.
‘Youseektowrapmeaningupinaconundrumofintention,’Grumpyreplied.‘Butarewereallyfreeinwhatwedecide,orarewedeterminedbyDivineknowledgeofallthatwedo?’
‘ArewevictimsofGod?’Idrisslaughed.‘Isthatwhatyou’resuggesting?Thenwhygiveusfreewill?Totormentus?Isthatwhatyoureallywantmetobelieve?OurwillexiststoaskquestionsofGod,notjustbegforanswers.’
‘Iwanttoknowwhatyoubelieve,MasterIdriss.’
‘WhatIbelieve,greatsage,orwhatIknow?’
‘Whatyouferventlybelieve,’Grumpyreplied.
‘Verywell.IbelievethattheSourcethatbirthedourUniversecamewithusintothisrealityasaspiritualtendencyfield.IbelievethatWill,ourhumanwill,isinaconstantstateofsuperposition,interactingwith,andnotinteractingwiththespiritualtendencyfield,likethephotonsoflightfromwhichit’smade.’
Thesagesconferredagain,andVinsonalmostaskedwhatwasgoingon.
‘Theforceisactuallyyou,’Karlawhisperedinsummary,‘ifyou’rehumbleenoughforit.’
‘Youarebasingverymuchofwhatyousayonthepossibilityofchoice,master-ji,’Ambitioussaid.‘Butmanyofthechoiceswemakearetrivial.’
‘Thereisnosuchthingasatrivialchoice,’Idrisssaid.‘Thatiswhysomanypowerfulpeopletrytoinfluenceallofourchoices.Ifitwereatrivialthing,theywouldnotbother.’
‘YouknowthethingsofwhichIspeak,master-ji,’Ambitioussaid,alittleirritated.‘Thereareathousandtrivialchoicesthatwemakeeveryday.Choicecannotbesuchanimportantfactor,asyousuggest,whensomuchofitisoftriflingimportance,ormadewithoutspiritualthinking.’
‘Irepeat,’Idrisssmiledpatiently,‘thereisnosuchthingasatrivialchoice.Everychoiceissignificant,nomatterhowunconsciouslymade.Thechoiceswemake,everytimewemakethem,collapsethesuperpositionthatwecallhumanlifeintoonerealityoranother,andoneperceptionoranother,andthatdecisionhasminuteorgreatbutnonethelesseternaleffectsonthetimeline.’
‘Youcallthatpower?’Ambitiouschallenged.
‘Thisisenergy,’Idrisscorrected.‘Spiritualenergy,sufficienttoalterTime,whichisnosmallthing.Timewasthelordofalllivingthings,forbillionsofyears,untilWillarosetogreethim.’
LetMeSeecalledthesagestoconfer.Hewasenjoyinghimself,evenattheexpenseofhiscolleagues,orperhapsespeciallyattheexpenseofhiscolleagues.ItwasimpossibletotellifhistacticalconclavesweredesignedtoconfoundIdriss,orhisfellowsages.
VinsonlookedatKarla,andwasabouttospeak.
‘Coveryourkarmicass,’Karlasynopsised,‘everythingyoudoaffectsthetimeline,dude.’
Ikissedherquickly.Iknowitwasaholyassemblyofholythinkers,butIwasbettingthatthey’dforgiveme.
‘Thisisthesecond-bestbestdateever,’shesaid,asthesagessatupstraight,threeintellectualcorner-menleaningawayfromGrumpy,theyoungestsage,withfreshenergyforthechallenge.
‘Thisisdigressive,’Grumpybegan.‘Ihavefoundyourtechnique,master-ji.Youdivertfromquestions,throughsemantictricks.Letusgetdowntosacredtextsandinstructions.Ifthehumansoulisanexpressionofourhumanity,asyouseemtosuggest,isitessentialtodoone’sdutyinlife,asthesacredtextsinstructus?’
‘Indeed,’Ambitiousadded,hopingtotrapIdrissinasnareofcaste.‘Cananyofusescapethewheelofkarma,andourDivinelyappointedduties?’
‘IfthereisaDivineSourceofallthings,ourrationalandlogicaldutyistothatDivineSource,’Idrissreplied.‘Ouronlyotherdutyistothehumanitythatweshare,andtheplanetthatsustainsus.Everythingbeyondthatisapersonalpreference.’
‘Arewenotbornwithakarmicduty?’Ambitiouspressed.
‘Humanityisbornwithakarmicduty.Humanbeingsarebornwithapersonalkarmicmission,playingtheirindividualpartinthecommonkarmicduty,’Idrisssaid.
Thesageslookedatoneanother,ashamed,perhaps,thatthey’dtriedtotrapIdrissinthequicksandofreligion,whilehekeptliftinghimselffreeonabranchoffaith.
‘DoesapersonalGodspeaktoyou?’LetMeSeeasked,tanglinghislonggreybeardwithknottedfingers,bruisedontheinsidefromyearsofcountingredambermeditationbeadsincyclesofonehundredandeight.
‘Suchalovelyquestion,’Idrisslaughedgently.‘IpresumethatyoumeanaGodthatcaresaboutme,personally,andthatIcancommunicatewith,personally,whilethatGod,whodreamttheuniverseintocreation,isbusilyconnectingwitheveryconsciousnesslikemine,whereveritarises.Isthatcorrect?’
‘Precisely,’theelderlygurusaid.
Idrisslaughedtohimself.
‘What’sthequestion?’Vinsonasked.
‘DoesGodwalkthetalk?’Karlawhisperedquickly,smilingencouragementatVinson.
‘Igetit,’Vinsonwhisperedbackhappily.‘Like,doesGodpickupthephone?’
‘IseetheDivineineveryminutethatIlive,’Idrissanswered.‘AndIreceiveconstantaffirmations.Itisalanguageuncommon,ofcourse.Itisaspirituallanguageofcoincidenceandconnection.Ithinkyouknow,greatsage,ofwhatIspeak?’
‘Ido,Idriss,’hereplied,chuckling.‘Ido.Canyougiveanexample?’
‘Everypeacefulencounterwithnature,’Idrisssaid,‘isanaturalconversationwiththeDivine,whichiswhyitisadvisabletoliveasneartonatureasyoucan.’
‘Afineexample,greatsage,’LetMeSeereplied.
‘Extendingyourhearttoputthelightofaffectionintheeyesofanewfriend,isaconversationwiththeDivine,’Idrisssaid.‘Honestmeditationisthesameconversation.’
‘Youwereimprecise,before,Idriss,’hesaid.‘Tellus,succinctly,whatthemeaningandpurposeoflifeis.’
‘Therearetwoquestionsinyourchallenge,asIsaidbefore,’Idrisssaid.‘Andonlyoneofthemisavalidquestion.’
‘Wehavetouchedonthis,andIstilldonotunderstand,’Grumpypouted.
‘WithoutafullyconsciousWilltoaskaboutthemeaningofanything,’Idrissansweredpatiently,‘thequestionisnotjustmeaningless,butimpossible.’
‘Butsurely,master-ji,thishumanWillthatyouchampioncannotbemeaninginandofitself?’Doubtfulasked,frowninghard.
‘Irepeat,thequestionWhatisthemeaningofLife?isaninvalidquestion.MeaningisapropertythatemergeswhenafullysentientWillexiststocollapsethesuperpositionstateofpossibilities,bymakingfreelywilledchoices,andaskingfreelywilledquestions.’
Therewasapause,andIwasglad,becauseIknewthatifVinsondisturbedherconcentrationatthatmoment,Karlamightshoothim,afterthedebate.
‘Askingthequestionisthemeaning,’Iwhisperedtohim.
‘Thanks,’Karlawhispered,leaningagainstme.
‘MeaningisanattributeofWill,’Idrisscontinued.‘ThevalidquestioniswhatisthepurposeofLife?’
‘Verywell,’LetMeSeesaid,chuckling,‘whatisthepurposeoflife?’
‘Thepurposeoflifeistoexpressthesetofpositivecharacteristicstothemostsophisticateddegreethatyoucan,byconnectingwithpureintentiontoothers,andourplanet,andtotheDivineSourceofallthings.’
‘Howdoyoudefinethesepositivecharacteristics,master-ji?’Doubtfulasked.‘Inwhichsacredtextscanwefindthem?’
‘Thesetofpositivecharacteristicsisfoundeverywhere,ineveryplacewherepeoplelivehumanelywithoneanother.Life,consciousness,freedom,love,justice,fairness,honesty,mercy,affinity,courage,generosity,compassion,forgiveness,empathyandmanybeautifulothers.Theyarealwaysthesame,everywherethatkindheartssurvivetopreservethem.’
‘Butwhatspecificsacredtextsdoyourefertoinyouranalysis,master-ji?’
‘Ourcommonhumanityisthesacredtextofthepeacefulhumanheart,’Idrisssaid.‘Andwehaveonlyjustbeguntowriteit.’
‘Andhowdoestheexpressionofthesepositivecharacteristicsleadustopurpose?’Ambitiouschallenged.
‘Wehumansarebornwiththecapacitytoaccumulatenon-evolutionaryknowledge,andthecapacitytoshapeourbehaviourasanimals,’Idrisssaid,reachingforaglassofwater.‘Whichareverydifficultthingsforotheranimalstodo,butareveryeasyforus,thankstotheDivine.’
‘Canyoubespecificaboutthisnon-evolutionaryknowledge,master-ji?’Doubtfulasked.‘ThisisatermIamnotfamiliarwith.’
‘Thingsthatweknow,thatwedon’thavetoknow,inordertosurvive.Extraknowledge,abouteverything.’
‘Weknowthings,’Ambitioussaid.‘Thatishardlyarevelation.Andwecanshapeourbehaviour.Wheredoyouseepurposeinthis,master-ji?’
‘Withouteitheroneofthosethings,’Idrisscontinued,‘wecouldnotclaimtohaveadestiny.Butwithbothoftheminplace,thefactofourdestinyisundeniable.’
‘How,master-ji?’
‘Wearenotapesforever.Wecanchangeourselves.Wearechanging,allthetime.Wewilldiscovermostofthelawsofeverything,andwewillcontrolourevolution.ThatisdestinycontrollingDNA,ratherthanDNAcontrollingdestiny,asitdidforever,untilnow.’
‘Canyoudefinedestiny?’Ambitiousdemanded.
‘Destinyisthetreasurewefindintheawarenessofdeath.’
‘Oh,yes!’Karlashouted.‘Sorry!’
‘Perhapsitistime,’Idrisssuggested,‘thatwetakeabreak,andrefreshourselvesforthechallenge.’
Thestudentsrosetoescortthesagestotheircave.Thesageswalkedaway,frowningtheirthoughts.
IdrisslookedaroundasSilvanoofferedhisarm.HefoundKarla’seyes,andsmiledatus.
‘Gladyou’rehere,Karla,’hesaid,ashewalkedbacktohiscavewithSilvano.‘Sonicetoseeyoutwotogether.’
‘Youknow,’Vinsonsaidwhenwewerealone.‘IthinkI’mgettingthehangofthis.You’reontosomethingwiththeT-shirts,Karla.You’rekeepingnotes,Randall,right?’
‘Meticulousnotes,MrVinson.’
‘I’dliketoseethoselater,ifit’sokay.’
‘Metoo,’Karlasaid.
‘Methree,’Iagreed.
‘I’msohappywehavethatsettled,’Didiersaid.‘Now,willsomeonepleaseopenthebar.Mysoulmaybeimproved,butmindisscreamingformercy.’ChapterEighty
Doubtfulhadaquestion,afterthecontestresumed,butIdrissraisedasofthandofinsistence,silencingeveryone,andpushedontothehorizonofhisthought.
‘SofarasIcansee,’hesaidquietly,hisraisedhandlikeatridentmadefrompurepatience,‘wearetheonlyspecieswiththecapacitytobemorethanweare,perhapsevenmorethanwedreamweare,andthepotentialtogetwhereveritisthatwechoosetogo.’
Hestoppedforamoment.
‘Whydoweletthefewpushthemanytocompeteandconsumeandfight?’Idrisssaid.‘Whenwillwedemandpeace,aspassionatelyaswedemandfreedom?’
Suddentearsfellintohisupturnedpalms,restinginhislap.
‘Forgiveme,’hesaid,rubbinghiseyeswiththeheelsofhishands.
‘Greatsage,’LetMeSeesaid,cryingsympathywithhim.‘Wearealldrawnheretodaybythepoweroflove.Letusremainhappyinourspiritualendeavours.’
Idrisslaughed,clearinghiseyesofmoonstonetears.
‘Thatisasemanticerror,greatteacher,’hesaid,composedagain.‘Lovehasnopower,becauseitcanonlybefreelygiven.’
‘Verywellthen,’LetMeSeesmiled,‘whatisPower?’
‘Powerinfluencesordirectspeopleorprocesses,’Idrisssaid.‘Powerisameasureofcontrol,andisalwaysconnectedtoauthority.Powerisfear,submittingtogreed.Thereisnofearandthereisnogreedinlove,justasthereisnoauthorityorcontrol,whichiswhyitisbeyondillusionsofpower.’
‘Butwhataboutthepowerofhealing?’Grumpyasked.‘Doyoudenythat?’
‘Thatistheenergyofhealing,master-ji.Everyhealerknowsthatthereisnopowerinit,butthattheenergyisabundant.Energyistheprocess.Poweristheattempttoinfluence,directorcontroltheprocess.’
‘Eventhepowerofprayer,master-ji?’Ambitiousasked.‘Istherenosuchthing?’
‘Thereisthespiritualenergyofprayer,’Idrissreplied,‘justasthereisthespiritualenergyoflove,andbotharereservoirsofgrace,butthereisnopower.Energyistheprocess,andpoweristheattempttocontroltheprocess.’
Vinsonwaswrigglingtospeak.
‘Powerbad,energygood,’hewhisperedtoKarla.‘Absolutepowercorrupts.’
‘Verygood,Stuart,’Karlawhisperedhappily.
‘Letussmokeagainforawhile,’Idrisssaidtothesages.
‘Verygood,Idriss,’Didierwhisperedmorehappily,andtheassemblyrelaxed,whilethesagesandmyFrenchfriendsatedthemselves.
‘ShallIcontinue?’Idrissasked,whenthesageswerehighenoughtogetdowntometaphysicsagain.
‘Certainly,’thesagesreplied.
‘Thefactthatwearewhatweare,’Idrisssaid,asifthediscoursehadneverpaused,‘askingalltherightquestions,nomatterhowmanycenturiesittakesustogettothetruth,isdestinyitself.Destiny,too,likelife,isanemergentphenomenon.’
Vinsonleanedintowhisperaquestion,butKarlabeathimtoit.
‘Energyplusdirectionequalsdestiny,’shesaidquickly,focusingonthedebate.
‘Butdestiny?’Doubtfulsaid,hisshavedheadglisteningwithsweatinthewarmevening.‘Canyouexplainthatagain?’
‘Ourhumandestinyisafact,notasupposition,’Idrisssaid.‘Destinyistheabilitytofocusspiritualenergy,intheformofwill,tochangethefuturecourseofourlives.Wearealldoingthis,toagreaterorlesserextent,inallourlives,andinthecollectivelifeofourspecies.Wearelivingdirectedlivesalready,anditisuptoustorealiseit,andtodirectthemmorepositively.’
‘Butrealiseithow?’LetMeSeeasked.
‘Expressthesetofpositivecharacteristicstothebestofyourability,’Idrissreplied.‘Thatistherealisationofthesoul,expressedinhumankindnessandcourage.’
‘Why?’Ambitiousasked.‘Whyshouldanyoneeverbothertodogoodorpositivethings?Whynotsimplyworkforself-benefit?Sinceyouaresomuchamanofscience,isn’tthatevolutionary?’
‘Notatall,’Idrisssmiled,answeringaquestionhe’dfacedhundredsoftimesbefore.‘Everywherethatsomepeoplelook,theyseeasavageworld,competingtothedeath.Butthereisalsomagnificentcooperationintheworld,fromantsincolonies,totreesincolonies,tohumanbeingsincolonies.Adaptabilityisexquisitecooperation.Cooperationisevolution.’
‘Butsurelythefittestsurvive,’Ambitiouspressed.‘Andthefittestrule.Doyoumeantooverturnthenaturalorderofthings?’
‘Thenaturalorderofthingsiscooperation,’Idrisscountered.‘Moleculesdonotcompetetoformorganicmolecules,theycooperatetoformthem.Andwe,greatsages,areverylargecollectionsofverycooperativeorganicmolecules,thankstotheDivine.Whentheystopcooperating,weareintrouble.’
‘Sinceyouliketotakethisdiscoursebacktofirstprinciples,’LetMeSeeobserved,‘canIaskifyouaresuggestingthatthereisadifferentmoralorder,beyondthatfoundinthesacredtexts?’
Itwasatrickquestion.IknewthatKarlawasitchingtoanswerit,becausewe’ddiscusseditseveraltimes.
‘Thesacredtextsarethereforustoknowwhatwecanbecome,’Idrisssaid.‘Untilwegetthere,inourtragicallylongculturalevolution,untilwegettoaplacethatisworthyofsuchbeautifulrevelations,ourcommonhumanityisaveryusefulguidingstartotheessentialtruthinallofthem.’
‘Areyoubrushingthesacredtextsaside?’LetMeSeeasked.
‘Youspeakthosewords,notI.Myadvice,forwhatlittleitisworth,issimplythatthesacredtextsarelikesacredplaces.Justasweshouldbecleanwhenweentersacredplaces,soshouldwebecleanwhenweentersacredtexts.AndthebestwaytopresentacleansoultothegreatrevelationsoftheDivine,istobeacleanhumanbeinginyourdealingswithothers,andtheworldthatsustainsus.’
Thesagesconferredagain,andIdrisstooktheopportunitytocallforanewhookahpipe,puffingitalightforthesagescontentedly.
‘Goodheart,goodfaith?’Vinsonsuggestedduringthepause.
‘You’rereallygettingthis,’Karlasaidquietly.
Randallwastakingnotesinhisjournal.Ankitwashelpinghim,whisperingtheendofahalf-rememberedlinefromtimetotime.
‘Howdoyoulikeit,guys?’Iwhispered.
‘It’slikejumpingupinaparachute,’Randallreplied.‘Insteadofdown.’
‘WecouldusethisteacherofyoursintheParty,’Ankitsaidadmiringly.
‘There’saparty?’Didierasked,brightening.
‘TheCommunistParty,’Ankitwhisperedbackdrily.‘Butasmallpartymightbearrangedforyoulatertonightbythefire,MrDidier,ifyoudesireit.’
‘Superb,’Didierenthused.‘Oh,God,theholymenaretalkingagain.’
‘Iconfess,greatsage,’LetMeSeesaidmodestly,‘thatyouhavelostmeinthejungleofyourimaginativeideas.’
‘Yes,’Doubtfuladded.‘Iamalsolaggingbehind,becauseyourdiscourseonspiritualmattersdoesnotemploytheusualspirituallanguage,MasterIdriss.’
‘Everythingisaspirituallanguage,noblethinker,butsimplyonahigheroralowerfrequencyofconnection,’Idrissreplied.‘Thisdiscoursethatweshareisbutoneofmany.’
‘Howcantherebemorethanonespirituallanguage?’Doubtfulasked.
‘IfthereisaGod,andaspirituallanguagethatconnectsustoGod,thenbydefinitionitistheonlylanguageofpurpose,simplyexpressedindifferentways.’
‘Eveninnegativeways?’Grumpyasked,wakingtothetheme.
‘Wouldn’tyouprefertoconcentrateonthehigherspirituallanguage,aswehavedonesofar,andnotonthelower?’Idrisslamented.
‘Doyounothaveexamples,then?’Ambitiousasked.
‘Muchofthehumanworldisanexample,’Idrisssaid,hisfacesombre.
‘Thenitshouldnotbeaproblemforyoutoprovidespirituallanguagesotherthanourown,’Ambitiousretorted.
Idrisssettledintoapatientunderstandingoftheyoungerman,andtookaforgivingbreath.
‘Verywell,’hesaid,‘letuswalkinthedark,forawhile.’
Hesippedathislimejuice,andbeganhisanswertothechallenge.
‘Exploitationisthespirituallanguageofprofit,’Idrissbegansadly.
Thestudents,who’dheardIdrissriffbefore,werealreadybeginningtonodtheirheadsintimetohisontologicalpoetry.
‘Oppressionisthespirituallanguageoftyranny,’Idrisssaid.
Thestudentsbegantomumble,wakeningtoIdriss’schant.
‘Hypocrisyisthespirituallanguageofgreed,’Idrisscontinued.‘Ruthlessnessisthespirituallanguageofpower,andbigotryisthespirituallanguageoffear.’
‘Areyoutakingnotes,Randall?’Iasked,asIdrisstookabreath.
‘Ayeaye,sir,’hereplied.
‘Violenceisthespirituallanguageofhate,’Idrisssaid,‘andarroganceisthespirituallanguageofvanity.’
‘Idriss!’severalstudentscalledout.
‘Wait!’Idrissrequested,hisgentlehandspartingthewatersofinterjection.‘Wearegatheredhereinthequestforunderstanding.Please,dearstudentsandguests,donotcalloutinthepresenceofthesegreatsages,eventhoughIhaveencouragedyoutocalloutfreelyinourdiscussions.’
‘Yourwish,master-ji!’Ankitcalledoutinanunexpectedlycommandingtone,hisfingertohislipsashescannedthecrowd,andallwassilentagain.
‘MayIaskyoutotravelwithmeonapathofhigherspirituallanguages,greatsages?’Idrissasked.
‘Certainly,’LetMeSeesaid.
‘Withwhatexamples,master-ji?’Doubtfulasked.
‘Iinviteyoutogivethemtome,greatsage,’Idrissreplied.‘BecauseIwouldlovetoseewhathappybirdsflyfromyourmind.’
‘Thisisanothertrick,’Ambitiousinterjected.‘Youhavepreparedyourresponsesinadvance,haveyounot?’
‘Ofcourse,’Idrisslaughedsoftly.‘Andmemorisedthem.Haven’tyou?’
‘OnceagainIremindyou,master-ji,thatyouaretheansweronthisoccasion,andwearethequestion,’Ambitioussaid,retiringbehindareputation-barricade.
‘Good,’Idrisssaid,hisbackstraight.‘Areyoureadyformyresponse?’
‘Weareready,greatsage,’LetMeSeereplied.
‘Emotionisthespirituallanguageofmusic,’Idrisssaid,‘andsensualismisthespirituallanguageofdance.’
Idrisspaused,waitingforcomment,andthencontinued.
‘Birdsarethespirituallanguageofthesky,’Idrisssaid.‘Andtreesarethespirituallanguageoftheearth.’
Hepausedagain,asiflistening.
‘IthinkIdied,’Karlawhispered,‘andwenttoSmartassHeaven.’
‘Generosityisthespirituallanguageoflove,humilityisthespirituallanguageofhonour,anddevotionisthespirituallanguageoffaith.’
ManyofthestudentshadseenIdrissfacethefirebefore.Andlovinghimastheydid,theywerejoiningwithhiminnocently:notwillinghimtowin,butwillinghimtowardtruth,nomatterwhouttereditintheséance.
‘Truthisthespirituallanguageoftrust,andironyisthespirituallanguageofcoincidence.’
Studentsswayedinplace,obeyingthesilence.
‘Humouristhespirituallanguageoffreedom,’Idrisssaid,‘andsacrificeisthespirituallanguageofpenance.’
Hestoppedagain,strugglingwithvanity,knowingthathecouldgoonforalongtimewiththesamepoem.Helookedatthestudents,hisfacelashingitselfwithablush,andhesmiledhiswayback.
‘Everythingisspiritual,andeverythingisexpressedinitsownspirituallanguage.TheconnectiontotheSourcecanneverbebroken,onlydisturbed.’
Thestudentsshoutedandapplauded,thensilencedthemselves,proudandpenitentatthesametime.
‘Ifyoudonotmind,’Idrisssuggested,‘Iwouldappreciateanotherbreak,ofanhour,perhaps,ifitisagreeable.’
Studentsroseoninstinct,guidingthesagesbacktotheircave.
‘Idon’tknowaboutyou,’IsaidtoKarla,gladofthebreak,‘butIneedsomethingunholy.’
‘Mythoughtexactly,’shesaid.‘AndIdon’tmindifIdrinkitorsmokeit.Mynervesareinmymouth.’
‘Youwantedtobeoutthere,didn’tyou?’
‘Thatwassomeserioussmartassshit,’shesaid,herhappyeyesgleaming.
Idrisswascleverandcharismatic,buthe’dfacedinquisitionsmanytimes.Heknewwherethesolidgroundwas,andthephilosophicalsand.I’dbroughtquestionstoteachersbefore,manyofthem,andIfoundthatsometimesclevernesscoveredalackofprinciple,andcharismacloakedambition.Ilikedtheteacher,buthewasasaintalreadyintheeyesofhisstudents,andthatworriedmealittle,becauseeverypedestalistallerthanthemanwhositsonit.
Thesagesreturned,andthediscoursecontinuedforthreeinterrogativehours,untilthesagesranoutofquestions.ThentheykneltatIdriss’sfeet,askingforablessinginreturnfortheonethey’dgivenhimatthestartofthecontest.
‘Idoloveourgames,Idriss,’LetMeSeeremarked,thelasttopart.‘IamalwaysgratefultotheDivinethatwearefreetobegenerouswithourideas,andallthenewonestocome,maywebesoblessed.’
Thesagesleftalongtheeasierpath,withrosepetalsprotectingtheirfeet.Andtheywerethoughtful,perhaps,ifnotlessdoubtful,ambitiousandgrumpy.
Idrissretiredtobatheandpray.Wehelpedtopullthetemporarypagodadown,andgatheredupthecarpetsandtrays.
Karlatookoverthekitchenasavolunteer,andcookedvegetarianpulao,cauliflowerandpotatopiecesincoconut-creamgravy,greenbeansandpeasincorianderandspinachsauce,carrotandpumpkinpiecesfoil-roastedinthefire,andbasmatiricescentedwithalmondmilk.
WatchingKarlaoperatelargepotsandwoksofriceandvegetablesonsixgasjetsatthesametime,hermasteryoftasteandcoloursizzlinginhurricanesofsteam,Iwasmesmerised,marvellingatitlikeanowl,untilshepulledmeintowashthedishes.
Weworkedinthekitchenshelterwiththreeyoungwomenfromthecommunityofstudents.TheychattedwithKarlaaboutmusic,fashionandmovies,whilepreparingfoodfortwenty-eightdevotedpeople.TheyregardedcookingforIdrissandtheothersonthemountainasasacredduty,andtheyputtheirloveinthefoodthattheirteacherwouldtaste.
Whennotcooking,prayingorstudying,thedevoteeslikedtoeat,andnotacrumbofKarla’sfragrantpreparationsremainedwhenthefeastended.Shedidn’teatmuchherself,butraisedherglasstothemanycompliments,offeringatoastatthesatedend.
‘That’sitforme,foranotheryear,’shesaid.‘Tocookingonceayear!’
‘Tocookingonceayear!’devoteeswhocookedeverydayshouted.
Whenallwasstackedingleamingtowers,andmostofthedevoteesleftthecamporwenttosleep,themountainsinnerssataroundthefire:Karla,Didier,Vinson,Randall,Ankitandme.
Didiersuggestedasuggestivegame,whereanyonewhoinadvertentlysaidasuggestivewordintheconversationhadtotakeadrink.Histheorywasthattheonewhowasmostobsessedwithsexwouldgetdrunkthefastest,andthenwe’dallknow.
IalreadyknewthatitwasDidier,whowasalso,asithappens,almostimmunetoalcohol.Karlaknewit,too,andredirectedtheconversation.
‘Howaboutthis,guys,’shesuggested,standingtoleave.‘Whydon’tyoutelleachotherthetruestoryofwhyyou’resittinghere,andnotsittingsomewhereelse,withtheloveofyourlife?’
‘Rannveig’sinanashram,’Vinsonbeganwithouthelp.‘Andit’smyfault.IlovehersomuchthatIthinkImadeher,like,holy,youknow?AndIdon’tthinkthere’sareverseexorcismforthat.’
‘Iknowexactlywhatyoumean,’Randallaverred.‘ButIwishIdidn’t.’
KarlaandIsaidgoodnight.Igrabbedoneoftherollsofcarpet,acanvassheet,acoilofrope,andmybackpackofessentialsupplies.Karlacarriedtwoblanketsandherownbagofindispensables.Wewalkedbytorchlighttotheknoll,scaringourselveswithleapingshadowswhenthepathturnedsuddenly.
‘Youalmostshotthatshadow,didn’tyou?’Iasked,tuckedinbesideheronthenarrowpath,thetorchinherhandthrowingcirclesofcoherenceonthedarkcanvasofnight’sforest.
‘You’retheonewhoreachedforaknife,’shesaid,cuddlingclose.
Iusedtheropetosetupafairlydecentshelter.Withtherightrope,thepresidentofatrucker’suniononcesaidtome,andenoughofit,atruckercandojustaboutanything
Inmytrucker’stentwetalked,andkissed,andwentthrougheveryargumentandreplywe’dheardinthediscourse.
‘Youguysaresocompletelynotgettingit,’Karlasaidsleepily,whenwe’drunthroughthevalleyofideastogether.
‘Usguys?’
‘Youguys.’
‘Notgettingwhat?’
‘Thetruth,’shesaid.
‘Whattruth?’
‘Thebigtruth.’
‘Aboutwhat?’
‘That’sthepoint,exactly,’Karlasaid,hereyesgreenmirrors.
‘Thepointaboutwhat?’
‘Youmenareobsessedwiththetruth,’Karlasaid.‘Butthetruthisn’tsuchabigdeal.Thetruthisjustinhibition,afterthreedrinks.’
‘Idon’tneedadrink,’Ismiled,‘tobedisinhibitedwithyou.’
Wekissedandlovedandkepttalking,andarguing,workingourwaybacktotheendofthebeginninguntilweslept,asahalf-moonproclaimedtheskywithfuzzybrilliance.
Iwokesuddenly,awarethatweweren’talone.IliftedmyheadslowlyandsawIdriss,withhisbackturned.Hewasstandingattheedgeoftheknollafewmetresaway,andstaringatthesilvercupofthemoon.
IglancedatKarla.Shewasstillsleepingbesideme,wearingmyT-shirtlikeanightdress.
‘Iamgladthatyouseeme,’Idrisssaid,notturningaround.
‘I’malwaysgladtoseeyou,Idriss,’Iwhispered.‘I’dstandup,butI’mnotdressedforit.’
Hechuckled,leaningonhisstafftolookatthestars.
‘IamveryhappythatyouandKarlaarehere,’hesaid.‘AndIwantyoutounderstandthatyou’rewelcometostay,foraslongasitpleasesyoutoremain.’
‘Thankyou,’Isaid.
Karlawokebesideme,andsawIdriss.
‘Idriss,’shesaid,sittingup.‘Please,sitandbecomfortable.’
‘Iamalwayscomfortable,Karla,whereverIam,’hesaidcheerfully,stillnotturningtofaceus.‘And,Isuspectthatthisistrueforbothofyouaswell,isn’tit?’
‘Canweofferyousomething?’Karlaasked,rubbinghereyesawake.‘Somewaterorjuice?’
‘Inofferingsomethingtomewiththosewords,’Idrisssaid,‘Iamnourishedalready.’
‘We’llgetdressed,andjoinyou,’Isuggested.‘Icanmakeyouacupofteabythefire.’
‘Iwillleave,inaminuteortwo,’hereplied.‘ButthereissomethingthatImusttellyouboth,andmymindwillnotallowmetoignoreit,soImustapologisefortheintrusion.’
‘We’retheintruders,’Karlasaid.
Helaughedagain.
‘Didyouwishthatyouwerebesidemetoday,Karla,’hesaid,‘whenIwasfacingtheinquisitors?’
‘Idid,Idriss,’shelaughed.‘Pencilmein,nexttime.’
‘Done,’hereplied,alreadyleavingusinhismind.‘Areyoutworeadytoreceivemyinstruction?’
‘Yes,’Karlawhispereduncertainly.
‘Youmustrenounceviolence,bothofyou,anddowhateverittakestolivepeacefully.’
‘It’shardtobenon-violentinaviolentworld,Idriss,’Karlasaid.
‘Violence,tyranny,oppression,injustice,theseareallmountainsonthetopographyoflife’sjourney,’Idrisssaid.‘Lifeisanencounterwiththosemountains.Thesafestwaytopassbeyondthemountainistowalkaroundit.Butifyouchoosethatpathitbecomesthewholeofyourlife,becausewalkingaroundbecomesacirclethatneverstops,andoneofthosemountainsbecomesyourdestiny.Theonlywayonwards,tosomethingelsebeyondthecircle,andtoseeclearlyenoughtoavoidnewmountains,istoclimbthemountainandcrossitfromthepeak.Butthethingaboutamountainisthatnopartoftheclimbislessdangerousthanthepartyoujustcompleted.’
‘Whichmeans?’Iasked.
‘Iworryaboutyouboth,’hesaid.‘Iworryaboutyouoften.Theviewfromthetop,afterthedangerousclimb,issomethingyoucan’thaveifyoutakethesaferpathwithinthecircle,butithasgreatrisks.Andyoumustrelyoneachotherandhelpeachothermorethaneverbefore.Youarealreadyclimbingthroughthemountainshadow,bothofyou.’
‘Haveyouclimbedallyourmountains,Idriss?’Karlaasked.
‘Iwasmarriedonce,’hesaidsoftlyandslowly.‘Alongtimeago.Andmywife,mayhersoulknowhappiness,wasaconstantcompanioninthespiritualsearch,asyouareforoneanother.Iwouldbenothing,withoutallthemanythingswelearnedtogether.AndnowIclimbthroughthemountainshadowalone.’
‘You’reneveralone,Idriss,’Karlasaid.‘Everyonewhoknowsyoucarriesyouinside.’
Helaughedsoftly.
‘Youremindmeofher,Karla.Andyouremindmeofmyself,Lin,inanotherlife.Iwasnotalwaysthepeacefulmanyouknow.Nevergiveupontheloveyoufeelforoneanother.Neverstopsearchingforpeace,withinyourselves.’
Heturnedsilently,andwalkedbacktowardthecamp.
Nightnoisesreturned,andabelltolledatarailwaysignalsomewherefaraway.Karlawassilent,staringattheleafshadowswhereIdrisshadvanished.
‘We’vegotsomestufftoworkout,youandme,ifwe’regonnagetthisright,’shesaid,lookingbackatme,hereyesgreenmoonlight.‘AndIwanttogetthisright,foronce,withyou.’
‘Ithoughtwealreadyhaditprettyright.’
‘Wejustgotstarted,’shesmiled,stretchingsleepily,andsnugglinginbesideme.‘Coupleofmonthsuphere,likethis,we’llworkallthekinksinjustright.’
Shepulledawayfrommesuddenly,andfetchedaroundamongherthingsuntilshefoundthelettershe’dbeenholdingforme.
‘Thisistherighttimeforamountainshadowletter,ifevertherewas,’shesaid,givingmetheletterandcuddlinginbesidemeagain.
Sheyawned,gorgeously,closedhereyes,andslept.Iopenedthesingle-pageletter.ItwasfromGeminiGeorge.Ireaditbythelightofthetorch.
Hey,mate,Geminihere,lettingyouknowthatmeandScorpiohaven’tfoundtheguruthatcursedhimyet,butwe’restillonthetrail.WewasinKarnataka,onamountain,thenBengal,andsomewhereinbetweenIgotsick,mate,andI’mnotfeelingtoogood,butIcan’tletScorpiodown,sowe’llkeeponsearching.IjustwantedsomeonewhocaresaboutmetoknowthatIdon’thavenoregrets,ifIdon’tcomeback,becauseIlovemylife,andIlovemyfriendScorpio.
Yourssincerely,
Gemini
Iputtheletteraway,andheldKarlacloseuntilshesleptdeeplyinmyarms,butittookmeawhiletofindsleep.
Iwasthinkingofthemensittingtogetherbythefire,AnkitandVinson,DidierandRandall,separatedfromlovebutfindingitagaininsharedstories,thrownintothefireonewoodentributeatatime.
IthoughtofAbdullah,whoneverlosthisfaithinanything,butwasalmostalwaysalone.IsawVikraminadarklaneofmemory,asaloneindeathashewasinthehalf-lifeofaddiction.
IthoughtofNaveen,knowingthathewasinlovewithDivaDevnani,butthathewasstaringatherthroughawallofthornscalledpolitesociety.
IthoughtofAhmed,oftheHouseofStyle,whotoldmeonce,duringaverycloseshave,thathe’dlovedthesameyoungwomanpassionatelyallhislife,thoughbothhisfamilyandhershadtornthemapart,andhehadn’tseenhersincehewasnineteenyearsold.
IthoughtofIdriss,alone,andKhaderbhaialone,andTariqalone,andNazeeralone,andKavita,alonewithoutLisa,andalltheotherswhowerelivinganddyingalone,butalwaysinlove,orbelievinginlove.
Thewonderisn’tthatlovefindsus,asstrangeandfatedandmysticalasthatis.Thewonderisthatevenwhenweneverfindit,evenwhenlovewaitsinthewingsofdreamtoolong,evenwhenlovedoesn’tknockonthedoor,orleavemessages,orputflowersinourhands,somanyofusneverstopbelievinginlove.
Lovers,toohappyloving,don’tneedtobelieve.Livesunlovedthatneverstopbelievingaresaintsofaffection,keepingloveitselfaliveingardensoffaith
IlookedatKarla,breathingintomychest.Sheflinchedinthecornerofadream.Isoothedheruntilherbreathingwasmypersonalmusicofpeaceagain.
AndIthankedwhateverFateorstarsormistakesorgooddeedsgavemethatbeautifulpeace,whenshewaswithme.AndIslept,atlast,andthehalf-moon,asilverchalice,showeredstarsonourdreamsofthemountainshadow.ChapterEighty-One
Themountainmadeitsownplaceintime,markedbyrit-ualsandsunsets,mealsandmeditations,fires,penance,prayersandlaughter.Onebyoneourcrewoffriendslefttheteacher’smesa,andfinallyonlyKarlaandIremainedwithIdriss,Silvanoandafewstudents.
Andshe’dbeenrighttoaskforthetimeawayfromthecity:simplifiedliving,strangelyenough,addednewcomplexitiestoourrelationship,andthesplintersofcitylifewereslowlybluntedonthehandleofunderstanding.Wetalkedforhourseverydayandnight,visitingthepastwhilethepresentescapedus.
‘Hesavedme,’Karlasaidoneday,weeksintothestay,whentheconversationdriftedintotheKhaderbhaiyears.
‘Youmethimontheplane,whenyouwereontherun.’
‘Idid.Iwasamess.I’dkilledaman,arapist,myrapist,andeventhoughIknewI’ddoitagainifIhadto,Iwasamess.Imadeittotheairport,andIboughtaticket,andgotontheplane,butIfellapartintheair,fivemilesabovetheearth.Khaderbhaiwassittingbesideme.HehadareturntickettoBombay,andIhadaone-wayticket.Hetalkedtome,andwhentheplanelandedhebroughtmehere,tothemountain.AndIwenttoworkforhimthenextday.’
‘Youlovedhim,’Isaid,becauseI’dlovedhim.
‘Yes.Ididn’tlikehim,andItoldhimthat,andIdidn’tagreewithhiswayofdoingthings,butIlovedhim.’
‘Forbetterorworse,hewasaforceinthecity,andinallofourlives.’
‘Heusedme,’shesaid.‘AndIlethim.AndIusedpeoplethatheaskedmetouse.Iusedyou,forhim.ButIdon’tfeelanythingbut…love…forhim,whenIthinkofhim.Isitthesameforyou?’
‘Itis.’
‘Istillfeelhimsometimes,standingbesideme,whenthingsgetbad.’
‘Me,too,’Isaid.‘Me,too.’
KarlaandIenjoyedthetimeontheholymountain,butwestilllikedtostayintouchwiththeunholycity.Anewspapermadeitswayupthemountainonceaweek,andoccasionalvisitorsbroughtnewsoffriendsandfoes,butourbestupdatescamefromtheyoungRonin,Jagat,whowasrunningmybingformewhileIwasonthemountain.
Jagatmetusinthecarparkbeneaththecaves,everytwoweeks.Thenewsthathebroughtfromthecityalwaysmadeusfeelgoodaboutthesteepclimbbacktothepeak.
Politiciansandotherfanatics,Jagatreported,weredoingtheirbesttoensurethatcooperationwasimpossible,especiallyamongfriends.Insomeareas,plasticbarricadeshadbeguntosegregateneighboursandneighbourhoods,sometimesonnothingmorethanfoodpreferences,breakingtheshelloftolerance.
Instreetsandslumsandworkingplacesacrossthecity,peopleofeveryinclinationgotalongwell,anddidgoodwork.Butinpoliticalpartyoffices,thoseelectedtorepresentthepeopleputupfencesbetweenthepeoplewhereverfriendshipthreatenedpoliticalwar.Andpeopleralliedblindlyonbothsidesoftheline,forgettingthatbarricadesonlyeverseparatearmiesofthepoor.
Vishnucompletedhispurge,andthefullyHindu307Companywasblessedbyholymen,inVishnu’snewmansiononCarmichaelRoad,notfarfromtheartgallerythatKarlahadabandonedtoTaj,butmuchdeeperinthedeep-pocketbeltofBombay’selite.
Alavishhousewarmingpartywarmedthefrostynosesoflocalsnobs,Jagatsaid,andsomeofthemoviestarguestsremainedregularvisitorstoVishnu’sexcess.
‘VishnuputupthemoneyforareallybigHindipicture,’Jagatsaid.‘They’reshootingitinBulgaria,orAustralia.Oneofthoseforeignplaces.Hisphotowasinallthepapers,atthebigshotparty,whentheyannouncedthenewmovie.’
‘AndnobodymovedtoarresthimforkillingtheAfghanguards,killingNazeerandTariq,andstartingthefirethatateKhaderbhai’shouse,andaportionofthecity?’
‘Nowitnesses,baba-dude.Chargesdropped.TheAssistantCommissionerwasatthepartytoannouncethenewmovie.Theheroofthemovieisaroughandreadycop,basedontheAssistantCommissionerdudehimself,andhowtoughhewasoncrimeandcriminals,andhowmanyofthemhekilledinencounters.AndVishnuispayingforit.Idon’tgetit,man.It’slikerobbingyourownbank,somehow.’
‘Ihearyou,’Isaid.
‘Funnyguys,’Karlalaughed.‘HowmanybodyguardsdidVishnuhavewithhim?’
‘Four,Ithink,’Jagatsaid.‘AboutthesameastheAssistantCommissioner.’
‘Whythebodyguardquestion?’Iaskedher.
‘It’stheInverseFairLaw.Themorebodyguards,thelessintegrity.’
‘AndtheCycleKillershavetotallychangedtheirimage,’Jagatreplied,shakinghishead.‘Theygotacompletenewlook.’
‘RecycledKillers,’Karlasaid.‘How’sthenewlook?’
‘Well,Iguessyoucansayit’sbetterthantheoldlook.Theywearwhiteslacks,andpeppermint-colouredshirts.’
‘Allofthem?’
‘Yeah.They’reheroes,now.’
‘Heroes?’Idoubted.
‘I’mnotkidding.Peoplelovethoseguys.Evenmygirlfriendboughtmeapeppermintshirt.’
‘CycleKillersinJeeps,huh?’
‘InJeeps,withchromebicyclesattachedontherollbars.’
‘Andtheydon’tkillpeopleanymore?’
‘No.They’recalledNoProblemnow.’
‘NoProblem?’Karlaasked,intrigued.
‘Yeah.’
‘That’slikecallingyourselfOkay,’Isaid.‘Everybodysaysnoproblemeverythreeminutes,inIndia.Peoplesaynoproblemevenwhenthereisaproblem.’
‘Exactly,’Jagatreplied.‘It’sbrilliant.Noproblemtoobig,ortoosmall.NoProblem.’
‘You’rekiddingme,Jagat.’
‘Noway,baba-dude,’heinsisted.‘Iswear.Andit’sworking.Peopleareaskingthemtonegotiateforthereleaseofkidnapvictims,andsuch.Theygotakidnappedmillionairefreelastweek,andtheonlyfingershehadleftwereonhislefthand.Thosefingerswereontheline,too,untilNoProblemgotonthecase.Peopleareaskingthemtofixbuildingandconstructionproblemsthathavetiedupcroresofrupeesforyears,man.They’reworkingshitout,foranyonewhopaysthem.’
‘Nice,’Karlasaid.
‘Uh-huh,’Isaid,noteasywithwhatI’dheard.
BackStreet,MainStreetandWallStreetarethethreebigstreetsineverycity,andnoneofthemplaywelltogetherontheshalloweredgesoftangledbanks.
Thestreetsareapart,andfalsedistinctionskeepthemapart,becausewhenevertheyintersecteyesfindlove,andmindsseeinjustice,andthetruthsetsthemfree.Power,inanystreet,hasalottolosefromfreemindsandhearts,becausepoweristheoppositeoffreedom.Asoneofthepowerless,IprefertheBackStreetguystostayoutofMainStreet,thecopstofundtheirownmovies,andtheWallStreetguystostayoutofeverything,untilallthestreetsbecomeOneStreet.
Ihadtopullmythoughtsaway:IknewthateveryhourJagatspentwithusaddedtraffictohisridebacktothecity.Karla,thinkingwithmeperhaps,broughtmeback.
‘HaveyoubeencheckingonDidierforus?’KarlaaskedtheyoungRonin.
‘Jarur,’theyoungstreetsoldiersaid,spitting.‘HestillhangsoutatLeopold’s,andhe’sfine.
‘Hey,thoseZodiacguys,’hesaid,‘themillionaires,they’rebackintown.’
‘Where?’
‘TheMahesh,man,’hesaid.‘Ican’tcheckonanyoneinsidethatplace.Notbornwiththerightbarcodetogetpastthatscanner,youknow.’
‘Ifyoufindanythingout,letmeknow.’
‘Sure.Hey,youknowwhypeoplelookedafterthosetwoforeignerssomuchwhentheylivedonthestreet?’heaskedthoughtfully.
‘They’reveryniceguys?’Isuggested.
‘Apartfromthat,’hesaid,hisfootmakingapatternofswirlsinthedustatourfeet.
‘Please,tellus,’Karlaurged,alwaysdrawntothesuninside.
‘TheywerecalledtheZodiacGeorges,’hesaid.‘That’swhy.InIndia,Imean,it’slikeareallybigdeal,youknow?It’slikecallingyourselfKarma,orsomething.Everywheretheywent,theycarriedtheZodiacwiththem,intheirnames.Whenyoufedthem,youfedtheZodiac.Whenyouofferedthemasafeplace,youofferedsafetytotheZodiac.Whenyouprotectedthemfrombullies,youprotectedtheZodiacfromnegativeenergies.Andmakingofferingstotheplanetsthatguideusandmessusupis,like,reallyimportant.There’salottapeopleoutthere,baba-dude,whomissthechancetooffersomethingtotheZodiacguys,nowthatthey’resorichtheydon’tneedit.’
India.Timemeasuredincoincidence,andthelogicofcontradiction.JagatpushedmeoffaperchofequilibriumIthoughtI’dclaimedinIndia.Butthatshockhappenedalmosteveryday,andshookthebrancheverytime.TheworldIwaslivingin,andnotborninto,rainedstrangeflowersfromeverytreethatgavemeshelter.
‘That’salovelystory,Jagat,’Karlasaid.
‘Itis?’heasked,shynesshidinginafrown.
‘Yes.Thankyouforsharingit.’
Jagat,whosenamemeansTheWorld,blushedandlookedaway,instinctivelyreachingforthehandleoftheknifeinhisbelt.
‘Hey,listen,man,’hesaid,turningbacktome,hisscarredyoungfacetellingthesamestorieseverytimesomeonelookedathim.‘Idon’tfeelright,takingallthemoneyfromyouroperation.’
‘You’redoingallthework,’Isaid.‘Whyshouldn’tyoutakeallthemoney?I’mtheonewho’sinyourdebt,forkeepingitrunning.Ioweyousignificantonthis,Jagat-dude.’
‘Fuckyou,man,’helaughed.‘I’mputtingtwenty-fivepercentasideforyou,everyweek,whetheryoulikeitornot,okay?’
‘Cool,jawan,’Isaid,usingtheHindiwordforsoldier.‘Iaccept.’
‘Whenyougetbackfromthisspookyplacefulloftigersandholymen,there’llbesomethingthereforyou.’
‘WhenIgetbacktoyourspookyplacefullofbusinessmenandcops,’Isaid.‘I’llbedamngladtogetit.’
‘Let’sridewithJagattothehighwayandback,’Karlasuggested.
‘Goodidea.Wantsomecompany,Jagat,oryouwannagofast?’
‘Let’sglideallthewaydown,baba-dude.’
‘Kruto!’Karlasaid.
‘What’sthis?HasOlegbeenteachingyouRussian?’Iasked,takingmybikeoffthestand.
‘Sprositeyego,’shelaughed.
‘Whichmeans?’
‘Askhim.’
‘Iwill,’Isaid,andshelaughedharder.
Amotorcycleisjealousmetal.Amotorcyclethatlovesyoualwaysknowswhenyoueventhinkaboutanothermotorcycle.Andwhensheknows,shewon’tstart.AndbecauseI’dlookedatJagat’sbike,mybikedidn’tstartforme,evenafterthreekicks.
Jagatthumpedhisbikeintoslowstaccatomotorcyclemusic,the350ccsingle-pistonenginelikeadrumthatgetsyoufromplacetoplace,solongasyouletitplayitsowntune.
Itriedthekick-starteragain,butallIgotwasaderisorycough.
Karlaleanedover,huggingthetankofmybike,herarmsaroundoneofthehandlebars.
‘Atripdownthemountainandbackagainwillbesogoodforyou,baby,’shesaidtothebike.‘Let’sgoforaride.’
Ikicked,andshestarted,jammingthethrottleforasecond,showingoff.
WerodewithJagat,coastingdownhillsidebysideonthedesertedforestroad,tothebeginningofthefiercelydeterminedhighway.Wewavedhimaway,andturnedback.
Werodethroughaneveningforest,shiftingfromdaytimedaringtonighttimecunning.Birdswerereturningtoroosts,insectswererisingfromslumberandbatsaswideaseagleswerewakingforthefeast.
Werodethelongroadtothecavesasslowlyasthebikewouldallow.Werodethroughsoftwindinshadows,hidingandrevealingthesky.Theyoungnightwasclear.Thefirststarswoke,rubbingtheireyes.Aleaf-firesomewheresentearthperfumesintotheair.Andweweretwohappyfugitives,togetherandfree.ChapterEighty-Two
Wereachedthesummitcarpark,happyandfree,andfoundConcannonwaitingforus.HewassittingonthetrunkoftheredPontiacLaurentian,andwearingawhiteshirt.Iwantedittomatchthecar.
‘Holdon,baby,’IsaidtoKarla,slopingthebiketoastop.
Ispunthebikearound,andspeddownthehillafewhundredmetresbeforestoppingagain.
‘Whatareyoudoing?’
‘There’sahollowtreejustthroughthere,’Isaid.‘Waitforme.’
‘Hide?’sheasked,asifI’daskedhertogivebloodtoMadameZhou.
‘Justwait.UntilIgetback.’
‘Areyoucrazy?’
‘That’sConcannon,backthere.’
‘That’sConcannon?’shesaid,intriguedbyintriguingpeople.
‘Waithere,Karla,’Isaid.‘I’llbebacksoon.’
‘Irepeat,areyoucrazy?I’mtheonewiththegun,remember?AndI’mabettershot.AndIthoughtyousaidwewereinthistogether,neverapart.’
Itwasatoughcall.Whenyourenemyisruthless,losingbeginswheremercyends.Butshewasbrave,andprobablybethelastwomanstandinginanyfight.
‘Alright,’Isaidreluctantly.‘Butdon’ttakeanychanceswiththisguy.Hetalksasgoodashefights.’
‘NowIhavetomeethim,’shesaid.‘Let’smakeanentrance,Shantaram.’
Werodebacktothecarpark,andIsluggedthebikeontotheside-stand.KarlaandIwalkedawaywhilethebikewasstillbreathing,thestepsbetweenConcannonandmeshrinkingatamotivatedclip.Iranthelaststephard,andhithimonthejump.
‘Whatthefuck?’hesaid,holdingthesideofhishead.
Herolledoffthebackofthecar,anddancedaroundme,feigningafewjabs.Irolledwithhim,buthecoveredup,breakingawayfast.
HewasdancingmeawayfromKarla.Hemight’vehadfriendssomewhere.IsteppedbackslowlyuntilIwasbesideher.
‘Whatareyoudoinguphere,Concannon?Whereareyourgoons?’
‘Icameherealone,boyo,’hesaid.‘WhichismorethanIcansayforyou.’
HegrinnedatKarla,wavingahand.
‘Hello,’hesaid.
Karlaslidthegunfromherbag,andpointeditathim.
‘Ifyou’recarryingagun,’shesaid,‘throwitaway.’
‘Inevercarryagun,miss,’Concannonreplied.
‘Good,becauseIalwaysdo.Ifyoumakeamove,I’llhityoutwicebeforeyougethalfway.’
‘Understood,’hegrinned.
‘It’snotverysmart,cominguphere,’shesaid.‘Therearetigersinthisforest.That’sagoodwaytogetridofabody.’
‘IfIthoughtIcouldbendmyknee,’Concannongrinned,‘withoutyourboyfriendkickin’meintheundefendedhead,I’ddoit,MissKarla.It’sanhonour.Concannon’sthename.’
‘Myboyfriendgotprettyupset,’shesaid,‘whenIburnedyourletter,andIwouldn’ttellhimwhatitsaid.I’vebeenwaitingforthischance,andI’mgladyougaveittome.Sayitoutloud,now,infrontofhim,ifyou’vegottheguts.’
‘Well,soit’stheletterthat’sgotyousoupset,isit?No,no,I’lldeclineyourinvitationtorepeatmyindecentproposalsinfrontofthisconvict.Idon’tthinkthatwouldbewise.’
‘LikeIthought,’shesmiled.‘Youwroteit,butyouhaven’tgotthegutstosayit.’
‘Didyounotenjoymylittleinnuendos,then?’Concannonasked.‘Ithoughttheywerequiteinventive,myself.’
‘Shutup,’Isaid.
‘YouseewhatIhavetodealwith?’ConcannonappealedtoKarla.
‘Shutup,’Karlareplied.‘Rightnow,you’redealingwithbothofus.Andnotdoingsogood.Whatdoyouwanthere?’
‘Icametotellyourboyfriendsomethin’,’Concannonsaid.‘IfIsitupthereonthecar,likeIwasbefore,willyounotletmespeak?’
‘I’dpreferyouinthetrunk,Concannon,’Isaid.‘Withthecargoingoverthecliff.’
Concannonsmiled,andshookhishead.
‘Hostilityisageing,youknow,’hesaid.‘Itaddsyearstoyourface.CanIsitpeacefullyonthefuckin’carandtalktoyoulikeafellowChristian,orcan’tI?’
‘Sit,’Karlasaid.‘ChristianhandswhereIcanseethem.’
Concannonsatonthetrunkofthecar,hisfeetrestingonthebumper.
‘Thiswouldbeagoodtimetotalkyourwayoutofthis,’Karlasaid.
Concannonlaughed,lookingKarlaupanddown,andthenlookedatme,blueeyesstillbrightinthefaintlightofthecarpark.
‘Ididn’thavenothin’todowithLisa,’hesaidquickly.‘Inevertouchedher.Ionlymethertheonce,well,thetwice,Isupposeyoucouldsay,butIlikedher.Shewasasweetthing.I’dneverdoanythinglikethat.Ionlysaidittogetariseoutofyou.Inevertouchedher.AndIneverwould’ve.It’snotmyway.’
Iwantedtostophim.Iwantedtoliftthecursethatsomeonehadputonmewiththementionofhisname.Itwasbad:everythingconnectedtohimwasbad.
‘Keeptalking,’Karlasaid.
‘IfI’dknownwhatasickthingRanjitwas,I’dhavestoppedhim,’Concannonsaid.‘Iswearit.Iwould’vekilledhimmyself,ifI’dknownwhathewas.’
Hisheadwasdown.Hisguardwasdown.Iwantedtorunathim,andpushhimbackwardsthroughwhatevermalevolentwindowhe’djemmiedopen.ButKarlawantedtoknoweverything.
‘Keeptalking,’Karlacontinued.‘Telluseverythingyouknow.’
‘Ididn’tfindoutuntillater,’Concannonsaid.‘IfI’dknownbefore,therewouldn’thavebeenanylater.’
‘Wegotthat.Goon,’Karlasaid.
‘Imetthatmaniac,Ranjit,throughthedrugs.Thehighandmightydon’thesitatetocomecallin’onmykind,whentheyneeddrugs.WhenhetoldmehewasbuyingstufftoputLisatosleep,thatnight,Iwantedtocomealong.’
‘Ranjitwantedthestuff,sohecouldputhertosleep?’Karlaasked,toogently,itseemedtome.
‘Hedid.Rohypnoltablets,hebought.Ithoughtitwasjustaprank.Hetoldmetheywerefriends,andtheywerehavin’aprivateparty.’
‘Butwhydidyoutagalongwithhim?’
‘Totormentyourboyfriend,’Concannonsaid,pointingatme.‘That’swhyIsentthedirtylittlelettertoyou,andputmyfilthymindinyoursforawhile,totormentthisberserkconvictmotherfucker.’
‘Shutup,’webothsaid.
‘Well,you’reafinepairofholyhooligans.Aperfectmatch.’
‘Whywereyouthere,Concannon?’Karlaasked,thementionofhisnamepullinghisblueeyestoher.
‘Itoldyou,’hesmiled.‘IknewthatifLin,here,knewthatI’dbeeninhishomewithhisgirl,whilehewasaway,he’dbewilderthanastallion.’
‘Whydidyouwanthimwild?’
‘Ididittohurthim,becauseIknewthatitwouldhurtthatIranian.’
‘Abdullah?’Karlaasked.
Ihadn’ttoldher.Icouldn’tbetraytheglorythatAbdullahwas,byspeakingthetruthofwhathe’dallowedhimselftobecomethatnight,withConcannon.
‘Wekilledafewpeopletogether,’Concannonrepliedcasually.‘Nobigdeal.Buthewentnativeonme,anditbecameawarbetweenus.Yourboyfriendherewasjustcollateraldamage.’
‘Okay,that’senoughforme,’Isaid.
‘Haveyouevertriedangermanagement?’Concannonasked.
‘Goaway,Concannon.Ijustranoutofshut-up.’
‘Beforeyougo,ifweletyougo,’Karlasaid.‘TelluswhatyouknowaboutRanjit.’
Icouldn’tunderstandit.Ididn’tcareaboutRanjit,andIdidn’twantLisa’snametoslitherfromConcannon’sserpentlipsagain,ever.KnowingwhatConcannonwascapableofinflicting,knowingthathispedigreewasapprovedbytheTuareg,Iwantedhimunconsciousorgone.
‘Don’tplaygameswithus,Concannon,’Isaid.‘Ifyou’vegotsomethingtotellus,spititout.’
‘IranacrossRanjitataparty,inGoa.Hewaswearingawig,asadisguise,butIknewitwashimrightaway.Seein’ashowhewasamillionaireontherunandall,Ithoughthemusthavesomemoneystashedaway,soIgothimwastedoncocaineandheroin,andpersuadedhimtotakemebacktohisdigs.’
‘RanjithadahouseinGoa?’Karlaasked.
‘Hewasrentin’it,Ithink.Afinebigplaceitwas,though.Agrandplace.Andallthewhile,I’medgin’himtowardthesafe,wantin’himtoopenitforme,whenhesuddenlyopensithimself,andsaysWouldyouliketoseeamovie?’
Karlaputherhandonmyarmgently.
‘Whatkindofmovie?’
‘Sextapes,itwas,’Concannonlaughed.‘Althoughitwasveryone-sidedsex.Thegirlswerealldruggedsenseless,yousee.Heworeashowercap,andrubbergloves,leavingnotraceofhissinfulness.Hecleanedthemanddressedthemagain,whenhewasdonewiththem,andleftthemonhiscouchwithacosyblanketovertheirknees,sotheywokeup,andneverevenknewithappened.’
‘Ranjitdidthat?’
‘Yes,thathedid,’Concannonsaid.‘Youdidn’tknow?’
Ijustgotbackanothershutup,butKarlasqueezedmyarm.
‘Didhetellyouwhyhedidit?’
‘Hesaidhiswifewasfrigid,ifyou’llpardonmeforhiswords,andsheneverhadsexwithhim,soheusedthosesleepin’girls,like,topretendthathewashavingsexwithher.Withyou,thatis.’
Karlasqueezedmyarm.
‘You’resayingthat’swhathappenedtoLisa?’
‘Ithink,’hesaid,allowinghiseyestodrift.‘IthinkhedruggedherwiththeRohypnol,inadrink,butgavehertoomuch.Mystuffwaspure,yousee.Ithinkshedied,poorthing,beforeheusedher.’
‘Whoweretheothergirls?’
‘That,Idon’tknow.’Concannonshrugged.‘Ionlyrecognisedoneofthem,andthat’sbecauseherfaceisinthepapers,sometimes.But…Icantellyouonething.Theyalllookedlikeyou,andhedressedthemallinablackwig,whenhehadhiswaywiththem.’
‘I’vehadenoughofthis,’Isaid.
‘Don’tbetellin’metoshutupagain,boyo,’Concannonsaidtome.‘Ididn’tcomeheretocausetrouble.I’msickoftrouble,thoughIneverthoughtI’dhearmeselfsayit.I’mretired.’
‘Thisisagoodplacetomakeitpermanent.’
‘You’reawickedlad,’Concannonsaid,smiling.‘Withwickedthoughts,inyourwickedmind.’
‘Whatdidyoudo,whenRanjitshowedyouthemovies?’Karlaasked.
‘Well,Iknockedhimaboutquiteabit,ofcourse,andlefthimsenseless.Icouldn’tkillhim,thoughIwantedto,becausetoomanypeoplehadseenmewithhim.ThenItookallthemoneyfromthesafe,andIalsotookthattapeofhimwiththegirlfromthepapers.’
‘Whatdidyoudowithit?’
‘Now,that’sthefunnypart,’Concannonsaid,foldinghisarms,hisfeetpoisedonthebumper.
‘Funny?’Isaid.‘Youthinkanyofthisisfunny?’
‘HandswhereIcanseethem,’Karlasaid,andConcannonloungedbackwardsonhishands.‘Funnyhow?’
‘There’sthisyoungfoolwhobuyscocainefrommenowandthen.He’snotbig,buthe’sgotaverybadtemper.Hisownfamilyputarestrainingorderonhim.Hewantstobeamoviestar,sohedealsalittlestufftotherealmoviestars,andgetstheoddpart.ThegirlinRanjit’ssickfilmisanactress,andhe’sherbad-temperedboyfriend.’
‘Didyougivehimthefilm?’Karlaasked,hereyesgleaming.
‘Idid,whenhecametobuystuff,’Concannonreplied,grinninghappily.‘Ranjitusedtosneakbackintotown,fromtimetotime,andhealwaysboughtstufffromme.ItoldtheviolentladthatRanjitwouldbeghostin’around,indisguise,atanightclubhelikedinBandra.’
‘SoyoutoldthekidwhereRanjitwouldbe.’
‘Notonlythat.Igavetheyoungsavageapresent.Gift-wrappeditmeself.Therewasthemovie,Ranjit’sappointmentatthenightclub,andanuntraceablegun,fullofuntraceablebullets.Humannaturetookcareoftherest.’
Karlasqueezedmyarm.
‘Youcameuphere,totellusthatyousetupmyex-husband?’Karlaasked.
‘Icameupheretowarnyourboyfriend,’Concannonsaid,straighteningup.
‘Andyou’regonnatakeawarninghomeagain,Concannon.’
‘Thereyougoagain,’hesaid,happilyexasperated.‘Youarethehardestmaninthiswholecityofscreechin’heathenstobefriend.Iknowexecutionerswhoaremorefunthanyou.I’mtryin’totellyou,I’machangedman.’
‘Idon’tseeachange,’Isaid.‘You’restillbreathing.’
‘There’sthosewickedthoughtsagain.’
‘Listen,’hesaidcalmly,‘I’vedonewithallthat.I’mabusinessmannow,andlegitimatelyso.ThefactthatIbearyounogrudgeforourlastencountershouldtestifytothat.’
‘Youjustneverlearn,doyou?’
‘ButIdidlearn,’heinsisted.‘That’swhatI’mtryin’tosay.Afterthatfightwehad,Ithoughtabouteverything.Imean,everything.Igothurt,yousee.Myshoulderhasn’thealedwell,anditdoesn’tworkthewayitshould.Mytiming’soff,andI’llneveragainfightthewayIdid.See,Ineverbeforeletanyonegetcloseenoughtobestme,anditshookmeup.MyRoadtoDamascusexperiencewasinawarehouseinBombay,anditwasanAustralianconvictwhoknockedmeoffmyhorse.I’vechanged.I’mabusinessman,now.’
‘Whatkindofbusiness?’Karlaasked,relaxinghergriponmyarm.
‘I’veputallmymoneyintoaventurewithDennis.’
‘TheSleepingBaba?’
‘Thesame.Onefineday,Igottothinkin’aboutthatproverb,youknow,thatifyousitquietlybyariverforlongenough,thebodiesofyourenemieswillfloatby.’
IwantedConcannontofloatby,ontheGanges.
‘Anditoccurredtome,inanotherRoadtoDamascusmoment,thattheriverisn’tmadeofwater,it’smadeofstainlesssteel.It’stheundertaker’stable,yousee?So,Dennisandme,weboughtanundertakingbusiness,andnowwe’reundertakers.Already,sincewestarted,oneofmyenemiesfloatedbyonthepreparationtable.AfinedrunkenlaughIhadthatnight,dressin’himupnicelyforthedrop.’
‘Denniswentforthis?’Iasked.
‘We’reanaturalfit.Iknowwhatdeadlookslike,andheknowswhatdeadfeelslike.I’veneverseenamanmoretenderwithabody.Hecallsthemsleepers,andhetalkstothemlikethey’rejustasleep.It’sverykind.Verytender.ButIkeepabaseballbathandy,incaseoneofthemevertalksback.’
Concannonstopped,clappedhishandstogether,thenputtheswollenknucklesintoaknottedpyramidofprayer.
‘Iknowit’shardtothinkthatamenacetothelivingandthedead,likeme,cangivethewholethingup,butit’sthetruth.I’vechanged,andtheproofofitisthatI’vecomeuphere,riskin’yourtemper,totellyoutwothings.Thefirst,I’vealreadytoldyou,whichisallthatIknowaboutRanjit,andthatsweetgirl.’
‘Andthesecondthing?’Karlaaskedforme.
‘Thesecondthingisthatthe307Companyhavehiredsomeout-of-towngoondastokillthatIranian,Abdullah,tonight.AndsinceAbdullah’shidingoutuphere,thatputsyoutwointhefiringline.’
‘Whenwilltheycome?’Iasked.
Concannoncheckedhiswatch,andgrinnedthereply.
‘Inaboutthreehours,’hesaid.‘You’dhavehadlonger,ifyouweren’tsobloodyobstreperous,andIcould’veclearedmemindwithoutinterruption.’
ForallIknew,Concannonwassettingusup.Ididn’tlikeit.
‘Whyareyoutellingusthis?’Karlaasked.
‘I’mtyin’uplooseends,miss,’Concannonsmiled.‘Ineverhadnothin’againstyourman.Itriedtorecruitthestubbornfool,andIwouldn’thavedonethat,ifIhadn’ttakenashineto’im.Itreatedhimpoorly,whenitwasAbdullahthatIhated,becauseheturnedonme,andthreatenedmylife.’
‘StoptalkingaboutAbdullah,’Isaid.
‘ButIdon’thatehimanymore,’hepersisted.‘Hedidnothin’wrong,evenifheisanIranian…person.Itwasmethatdidwrong,andIadmititfreely.Anyway,theIranianwilllikelymeethisend,tonight.AndnowIfoundaplacewhereIfeelathome,andinonewayoranother,IknowI’llfindpeace,asotherpeoplekillmyenemiesandsendthemtome.I’llbewithmyownkind,sotospeak.Idon’tknowifyouunderstand.’
‘Weunderstand,’Karlasaid,althoughIdidn’t.
‘Doyoubelieveme,whenIsaythatIhavenoquarrelwitheitherofyou,andthatIwishyounoharm?’
‘No,’Isaid.‘Goodbye,Concannon.’
‘Theysayhe’sawriter,’ConcannonwinkedatKarla.‘Theymustbeteenieweenielittlebooksthathewrites.’
‘He’sthebigbook,’Karlagaveback.‘I’mthebigcharacter.Thankyou,Concannon,fortheheads-up.What’syourfirstname,bytheway?’
‘Fergus,’Isaidbeforehedid,andhelaughed,jumpingfromthecarwithhisarmswide.
‘Youdolikeme!Iknewit!Willyoustabme,ifIgiveyouahug?’
‘Yes.Don’tcomeback.’
Helethisarmsfallslowly,smiledatKarla,andwalkedafewstepsbackwardstohiscar.
‘There’snouseincallin’thepolice,’hesaidatthecar.‘There’salotofmoneybeenpaidtokeepthismountaindarktonight,untiltheIranianisdead,onceandforall.’
Hestartedthecar,lockedthewheel,hitthegasandspunaroundbesideus,hisarmrestingontheopenwindow.
‘Wouldyoulikesomedynamite?’heasked.‘I’veaboxfullintheback,andnopurposeforitatall,now.’
‘Maybenexttime,’Karlasmiled,wavinghimaway.
Thetwinnedtail-lightsoneithersideofthecarwerebats,swoopingintothefirstcurve.Sheturnedtomequickly,wakingthequeens.
‘Wehaven’tseenAbdullahuphere,sohemustbeatKhaled’s.We’vegottawarnhim.’
‘Agreed,andthenSilvanoandthestudents.ThismightspillupthehilltoIdriss.’
ShebracedherselffortheruntoKhaled’smansion,butIheldherback.
‘Canwetalkaboutsomething,beforewetalktoKhaled?’
‘Sure,’shesaid,relaxingfromarunalmoststarted.‘What’sup?’
‘Youknowhowwesaidwe’llalwaysbetogether?’
Shelookedatme,handsonhips.
‘I’mnothidinginahollowtree,Shantaram,’shesaid,thesquintinhersmilescanningme.
‘Idon’tmeanthat.I’mtryingtoexplainsomething.’
‘Now?’
‘Ifthingsgetroughtonight,don’tseparatefromme.Sticktomyside,ormyback.Lockyourelbowinmine,ifyouhaveto.Ifwe’rebacktoback,youshoot,andI’llcut.Butlet’sbeonething,becauseifwe’renot,I’llgonutsworryingaboutyou.’
Shelaughed,andhuggedme,soIguesssomepartofitmust’vebeenright.
‘Let’sgo,’shesaid,gettingreadyfortheruntoKhaled’s.
‘Wait,’Isaid.
‘Again?’
‘Maybenexttime?’Isaid,repeatingherfinalwordstoConcannon.
‘What?’
‘YousaidMaybenexttimetoConcannon,whenheofferedusdynamite.’
‘Now?You’rebringingthisupnow?’
‘Concannonisn’tanext-timeguy.He’saone-timeguy,andhalfaplanetisalmostfarenoughaway.’
‘Youdon’tbelieveinredemption?’
Shewasadorable,whensheteased,butweweretalkingaboutConcannon,andtherewerekillerscomingtothemountaintokillourfriend.
‘Idon’tbelieveConcannon,’Ireplied.‘Theovertakingversion,ortheundertakingversion.Idon’tbelieveanythinghesays.Thiscouldbeatrap.’
‘Good,’sheshouted,sprintingupthepath.‘Coming?’ChapterEighty-Three
Weheardmusicandchanting,hundredsofvoicesinharmony,asweturnedthelastbendonthetree-linedpathtoKhaled’smansion.Itwaslitlikeaprison,withspotlightsfixedtotrees.
‘Hisflockmust’vegrown,’Karlasaidquietly,aswestoppedtogetheronthepathbeforethesteps,lookingatthefloodlitveranda.‘That’squiteachorus.’
Thetreesaroundus,bleachedofleavesbyspotlights,werestartledskeletonswiththeirhandsintheair.Thechantingwasintense,thesingersdrunkondevotion.
Khaledwalkedoutthroughthewidedoorwayandontotheveranda,hishandsonhiships.
Hewasashadowfigure,blackagainstthelightsthatwereslow-burningoureyes.Hehadtwoshadowfigureswithhim.
Heraisedhishand,andthedevotedchantingstopped.Insectssangthesilenceagain.
‘Salaamaleikum,’hesaid.
‘Waaleikumsalaam,’KarlaandIbothsaid.
Veryloud,verybigdogsstartedbarkingsomewhere.Itwasasoundthatmakesyouthinkofsharpteeth,andrunningaway.Karlaslippedherelbowthroughmine.Thebarkingwasferocious.Khaledraisedhishandagain,andthebarkingstopped
‘Sorry,wrongtape,’hesaid,handingaremotecontroltoashadowfigure.‘Whatareyoudoinghere,Lin?’
‘WecametoseeAbdullah,’Karlasaid.
‘Whatareyoudoinghere,Lin?’
‘Likeshesaid,’Ireplied.‘Whereishe?’
‘Abdullahhascleansedhimselffordeath,andisatprayer,’Khaledreplied.‘No-onecandisturbhim.Notevenme.HeisalonewithAllah.’
‘They’recomingforhim,’Isaid.
‘Weknow,’Khaledsaid.‘Therearenostudentshere.Theashramhasbeenclosedforsometime.Weare–’
Thechantingstartedagain.Afterafewfrenziesitstopped,mid-mantra.
‘Stopplayingwiththeremote,Jabalah!’Khaledshoutedoverhisshoulder.
Insectsandfrogswelcomedthesilenceagain.
‘Wearereadyforwar,’Khaledsaid.
‘Now,wherehaveIreadthatbefore?’Karlasaid.
Khaledhelduphishandimperially.
‘IamtheonewhospreadtherumourthatAbdullahishere.Iamtheonewhoprovokedthisattack,outofthecity.Thisisatrap,Lin,andyouarestandinginit.’
Dogsbarkedagain.
‘Jabalah!’Khaledshouted,andtapestopped.
Khaledwalkeddownthesilence,tojoinusonthepath.He’dlosthalftheweighthe’dgained,andhadbeentrainingagain.Helookedfit,strong,confidentanddangerous.Itseemedthathe’dlearnedtolovehimself.
Hetookmyhandsinhis,leaningclosebetweenus,buthespoketoKarlainwhispers.
‘Hello,Karla,’hesaid,embracingme.‘Icannotgreetyou,directly,infrontofmymen,becauseyouareawoman,inthecompanyofamanwhoisnotyourfamily.’
Hehuggedmeclosetohim,whisperingintomyearforthesakeofhismen,butspeakingtoher.
‘Mycommiserations,onthelossofyourhusband.Youmustleavethisplace,now.Therewillbewartonight.’
Hepulledaway,butIheldhisarm.
‘Youknewaboutthis,andyoudidn’twarnus?’
‘Youarewarnednow,Lin,andyoushouldtakethatasablessing.Youmustleave.Mymenarenervous.Let’snothaveanyaccidents.’
‘Allahhafiz,Khaled,’Karlasaid,draggingmeaway.
‘TellAbdullah…tellhimwe’rehere,onthemountain,ifheneedsus,’Isaid.
‘I’lltellhim,butIcanonlyspeaktohimwhenthefightingbegins,’Khaledansweredsadly.‘Peacebewithyoubothtonight.’
Hewaved,becausewewereattheendofthepath,anditwastoofarawayforhimtospeakhismind.Wewavedback,andwejoggedtothestartofthelongclimbupthemountain.
Istoppedher.Itwasdark,butreflectionsglitteredinhereyes.
‘CanItellyousomething?’
‘Again?’Shelaughed.
‘Itmightgetbadtonight,’Isaid.‘Ifyouwanttogetfaraway,I’lltakeyouanywhereyouwanttogo.’
‘Let’sgowarnIdrissfirst,’shesmiled,startingonthepath.
Ichasedherallthewayuptheslope,andwewerepuffinghardwhenwerushedontothemesa,brightwithstudents,talkinglatebythefire.
WefoundSilvano,andpushedhimtoameetingwithIdriss,inthebigcave.
‘Killers,’Idrisssaid,whenthestorytolditself.
‘Andprettygoodatit,’Isaid.‘We’vegottagetawayfromhere,Idriss.Atleastfortonight.’
‘Ofcourse.Wemusttakethestudentstosafety.I’llgivetheinstructionatonce.’
‘Iwillstayandprotectthisplace,’Silvanosaid.
‘Youmustnot,’Idrisssaid.‘Youmustcomewithus.’
‘Imustdisobey,’Silvanoreplied.
‘Youmustcomewithus,’Idrissrepeated.
‘It’sjustgoodsense,Silvano,’Iagreed.‘Ifsomeonefromdowntheretriestoescapeuphere,andothersstartchasinghim,nobodywillbesafe.’
‘Imuststay,master-ji,’Silvanosaid.‘Andyoumustgo.’
‘Itispossibletobetoobrave,Silvano,’Idrisssaid.‘Justasitispossibletobetooloyal.’
‘Allofyourwritingsarehere,master-ji,’Silvanosaid.‘Morethanfiftyboxesofthem,mostofthemunpackedforstudy.Wecannotgatherthemtogetherinthetimewehave.Iwillstay,andguardyourwork.’
Iadmiredhisdedication,butitseemedliketoobigarisk,tome:toohighapriceforthewrittenword.ThenKarlaspoke.
‘We’llstaywithyou,Silvano,’shesaid.
‘Karla,’Ibegan,butshesmiledtrueloveatme,and,well,whatcanyoudo?
‘Lookslikeyou’vegotcompany,Silvano,’Isighed.
‘Itissettled,then,’Idrisssaid.‘Comewithme,now,andgatherthestudentstogetherwiththeirvaluables,asquicklyaspossible.WewillwalktheslowpathtotheKalitemple,wherethehighwaybegins.Sendamessagetousthere,whenallisquietagaininoursanctuary.’
‘Idriss,’Isaid.‘Ifeelbadthatthishasfounditswayuphere.I’msorry.’
‘TakingresponsibilityforthedecisionsandactionsofothersisasinagainstKarma,’Idrisssaid.‘Equal,ingravity,toavoidingresponsibilityforyourowndecisionsandactions.Youdidnotcausethis.Itisnotyourkarmicburden.Besafetonight.Youareblessed,allofyou.’
Heplacedhishandonourheads,onebyone,chantingmantrasofprotection.
Thestudentstippedtheirpersonalbelongingsintoshawls,tiedthemintobundles,andassembledattheentrancetotheslowpathdownhill,thetorchesandlanternsintheirhandswhirlinglikefireflies.
Idrissjoinedthem,turningtowavetous,andledtheway,thelongstaffinhisrighthand.
Anotherstudent,namedVijay,haddecidedtostaywithus.Hewasthin,tall,anddressedinwhitepyjama-stylecottonshirtandpants.Hewasbarefoot,andcarryingabamboopolethatreachedtohisshoulder.
Hisyoungfacewasexpressionless,ashewatchedhisteacherdepart.Heturnedhisfinefeaturesonme,eyeslitwithIndia.
‘Areyoufine?’heasked.
Ilookedathisbamboostick,rememberingthemenI’dfoughtinthelastyear,fromScorpionstoConcannon,andthinkingthatitmightbeagoodideatotieaknifetotheendofthatstick.
‘I’mfine,’Isaid.‘I’vegotaspareknife,ifyouwanttotieittothatstick.’
Hestoodback,begantowhirlthestickaround,jumpedwhilehewhirled,andbroughtthestickdownatoeawayfrommyboot.
‘Or…maybenot,’Isaid.
‘Shallwesplitup,andtakedifferentvantagepoints?’Silvanoasked.
‘No!’KarlaandIsaid,together.
‘Anyonewhocomesuphere,comesontoourground,’Isaid.‘Wefindapositionwithcover,withanescaperoute,wherewecanseethetopoftheclimbingpath.Ifanyonecomesintotheopenspace,wecanscarethemawaywithgunfire,andnoise.’
‘Andifitbecomesafight?’
‘Wekillthem,’Karlasaid,‘beforetheykillus.You’readeadshot,Silvano,andI’mnotbad.We’reokay.’
‘Or,’Isuggested,‘wecouldescape,regroup,andwaititout.Thereareplentyofplacestohide,andtheycan’tstayonthismountainforever.’
‘Isaywefight,’thestudentwiththesticksaid.
‘Isaywedecidetorunortofight,whenwehavetodecide,’Isaid.
‘Iagreethatweshouldhaveagoodplaceofcover,’Silvanomused.‘Thecavenearesttothepathisthebestplacetoseethemcoming.’
‘Noexitstrategy,’Isaid.‘Ialwayslikeawayout.’
‘Thereisawayout,’Silvanosaid.‘Letmeshowyou.’
Therewasacurtainatthefarendofthecave.I’dseenit,buthadalwaysthoughtthatithungtheretocoverthebarecavewall.
Silvanopusheditaside,andledusbytorchlightalonganarrowchannelthathadformedorbeencarvedbetweenthefirstcaveandthelast.
WeemergedfromthepassagewayintoIdriss’scave,closetotheraggededgeofthejungle:onlyafewstepsfromcover.
‘Ilikeit,’Karlasaid.‘I’dbuyit,andlivehere,ifIcould.’
‘Me,too,’Iagreed.‘Let’sgetsetupinthefirstcave.Wedon’thavelong.’
‘Idon’tknowaboutyou,’Silvanosaid,rubbinghisbelly,‘butI’mhungry.’
Webroughtcoldfood,water,blanketsandtorchestothecave.IatetheplateoffoodKarlapassedtomebeforeIknewwhatitwas.Butwhenhungerwassatisfied,fearstartednagging.
Karla,sittingbesideme,andkillersontheway:myinstinctswereshoutingtogetthehelloutofhell.Butshewascalm,andresolute.She’dfinishedherfood,andwascleaninghergun.Shewashumming.AndIguess,whenIlookbackatit,shealwayshadenoughgutsforbothofus.
‘WherearetheboxesofIdriss’swritings?’Iasked,lookingawaytoSilvano.
‘Inthemaincave,’Silvanoreplied,finishinghisfood.
‘Thenlet’skeepanyactionawayfromthere.Astraybulletcouldstartafire.’
‘Agreed.’
VijaytookKarla’splateandstackeditwiththeothers,outsidethecave.
‘Iknowthisforest,’Silvanosaid,standingandstretching.‘Iwillmakeasearchofthearea,withVijay.AndIneedtovisitthebathroom.’
HewalkedouttojoinVijayquickly,andtheypassedfromsight,movingtotheright.Thepointwherethepathledontothemesawastoourleft.
Somanyfeethadmovedacrosstheridgethatonlywildgrassesgrewhereandthere.Therewasnomoonyet,butitwasaclearnight,andwehadagoodviewoftheflattenedspace,fiftymetresaway.
Myheartwasbeatingfast.Isloweditdown,willingitcalm,butthoughtsofKarlahurtorcapturedpulledtheheartbeatbackagain.Shelookedatme,andsheknewhowafraidIwasforher.
‘Makeabignoise,andrunandhide?’shesaid,hermouthabeautifulsneer.‘That’syourstrategy?’
‘Karla–’
‘Chee,chee!Canyoukeepthatonetoyourselfatthenextmeeting?’
‘Isaywefight,theguywiththebamboosticksays,’Ilaughed.‘That’sabetterstrategy?Ijustdon’tthinkit’sworthfightingfor.’
‘Awriterwhodoesn’tthinkwrittenwisdomisworthfightingfor?’
‘No.I’veescapedthroughwindows,becausethecopswerechasingme,andIhadtoleaveeverythingbehind.It’sallgone,thatwork,butI’mstillhere,andI’mstillwriting.Nolifeisworththewrittenword.’
‘Howso?’
Karladidn’taskHowsounlessitwasachallenge.
‘It’snotbecausethetextsaresacredthatlifeisimportant.It’sbecauselifeissacredthatthetextsareimportant.’
Shegrinnedhappyqueensatme.
‘That’smyguy.Let’sgetready.’
Wepiledboxesandsacksintheentrancetothecave,andstretchedoutwithaviewoftheopenridge.Sheheldmyhand.
‘Iwouldn’tbeanywhereelseonthisplanet,rightnow,’shesaid.
Icouldn’treply,becauseweheardthefirstshot.
Thefurtheryouarefromagunshot,thefeeblerthefear.Theblastthatdeafensyou,closetoyourear,isaclickofthefingersfromfaraway.Weheardthefirstshots,soundinglikehandclaps,andthenitbecamevolleysofapplause.
SilvanoandVijayscamperedbacktothecave,squattingdownbesideus.
‘There’sanarmydownthere,’Silvanosaid,listeningtothespattersofgunfire.
‘Twoarmies,’Isaid.‘Andlet’shopetheystaythere.’
Thefusilladesfinallysubsided.Therewassilence,andthensingleshotssnapped,oneafteranother,afewstepsapart.Therewerequitealotofthem.
Wewaitedinthedark,listeninghardtoeverybrokentwigorshuffleofwind.Minutespassedinthreateningsilence,andthenweheardnoises,gruntingandmoaning,comingfromthesteeppath.
SilvanoandVijaywereupandrunningbeforeIcouldcautionthem.Karlamadetoleaveaswell,butIheldherdownbesideme.
Amanappearedatthesummitofthepath,crawlingonhandsandknees.Silvanowasashadow,standingtohisright,aimingtherifleathishead.Themanstaggeredtohisfeet.Hehadapistolinhishand.
Vijayswunghisstick,disarmingtheman,butthepistolfired,andabullethitthewallofthecavenotfarfromwherewehunkereddown.
‘Goodcall,Shantaram,’Karlasaid.‘Thatbullethadmynameonit,ifIwasstandingthere.’
Themanhoveredonwaveringlegsforasecondandthenfell,faceflattotheground.VijayturnedhimoverasKarlaandIarrived.
Themanwasdead.
‘Youbetterchecktherewasn’tatailwaggingonthisone,Silvano,’Isaid.
‘Youknowhim?’
‘Hisname’sDaSilva.’
‘Whichsidewasheon?’
‘Thewrongside,’Isaid.‘Righttotheend.’
SilvanoandVijaytrottedawaydownthepathtocheckforstragglers.
Staringatthebody,IknewthatIcouldn’tletitbefoundinthecampwhereIdrisstaught.Therewasnochoice.Ihadtomoveit.Karlahadmovedtwobodiesinherlife:twothatIknewabout.I’vemovedthree:oneinprison,oneinafriend’shouse,andthedeadgangsterwhohatedme,DaSilva.Hewasthehardestofthemforbothofus.
‘Wecan’tleavehimhereforthecopstofind,’Isaid.
‘You’reright,’shereplied.‘Thisisthekindofscandalthatkillscleverness.’
‘Notgonnabeeasy.That’sasteepclimb,withadeadbody.’
‘Yeah,’shesaid,lookingaround,herhandsonherhips.
Wewrappedhiminastudent’ssari,andtiedhimsecurely.Wefastenedropesforustohold,atbothends.
Wewerejustfinished,whenSilvanoandVijayarrived.Vijay’seyeswereoystersofdread.
‘Aghost?’
Hewastrembling,pointingatDaSilva’swrappedbody.
‘Ihopeso,’Isaid.‘We’retakinghimdowntothehouse.There’snoneedforthecopstoknowhewasuphere.’
‘Thankyou,’Silvanosaidquickly.‘Letushelpyou.’
‘Wegotthis,’Karlasaid.‘They’reourfriendsdownthere.Theyknowus,buttheydon’tknowyou,andtheymightstartshootingiftheyseeyou.It’llbesaferifwedothiswithoutyou.Stayhereandguardthosebooks.’
‘Okay,’Silvanosmiled,doubtfully.‘Okay.Ifyouinsist.’
‘Presto,’Karlasaid,tuggingonthedeadman’srope.‘Thisghosthasawaytogoyet.’ChapterEighty-Four
WedraggedDaSilva’sbodytotheridge,andstarteddownthepath.Iwentfirst,takingmostoftheweight,whileKarlaheldonasbestshecouldfromabove.
IfeltashamedthatIhadn’tprotectedherfromthatsadandcriminalthingwehadtodo:moreashamed,infact,thanIwasofdoingthesadandcriminalthing.IthoughtofKarla’shands,andtheroughropeshreddingherskin,andscratchesandgrazeswoundingherfeetwitheverysecondstep.
‘Stop!’shesaidwhenwewerejustpasthalfway.
‘Whatisit?’
Shetookafewdeepbreaths,andshookthetensionfromherarmsandshoulders.
‘Okay,this,’shepuffed,onehandwipinghairfromherforehead,theotherholdingadeadman,‘isofficiallythebestdateever.Now,let’sgetthiscorpsedownthisfuckinghill.’
Atthebaseofthemountain,IcarriedDaSilva’sbodyonmybackalongthepathtoKhaled’smansion.Thepathwasstilllit,andthedoorofthemansionwasopen.Itseemeddeserted.
Weclimbedthestairstogether,andwalkedintothevestibule.IslippedDaSilva’sbodytothefloor,andwebegantountiehim.
‘Whatareyoudoing?’Khaledasked,frombehindme.
Ispunroundtofacehim.Hehadaguninhishand.
‘Salaamaleikum,Khaled,’Karlasaid,andshehadaguninherhand.
‘Waaleikumsalaam,’heresponded.‘Whatareyoudoing?’
‘Where’sAbdullah?’Iasked.
‘He’sdead.’
‘Ah,no,no,’Isaid.‘Please,no.’
‘MayAllahtakehissoul,’Karlasaid.
‘Areyousurehe’sdead?’Iasked,chokingthewords.‘Whereishe?’
‘Therewerefourotherdeadmenontopofhim,whenIfoundhim.OneofthemwasVishnu.Iknewthatarrogantthugwouldcomehereinperson,togloat.Nowhe’sdead,andmyCompanywilltakeeverythinghehad.’
‘Where’sAbdullah’sbody?’
‘Withthebodiesofmydeadmen,’Khaledsaid.‘Inthediningroom.AndIaskyou,forthelasttime,whatareyoudoinghere?’
‘Thismiscreantwanderedtoofar,’Isaid,pullingthecoverbacktorevealDaSilva’sface.‘We’rewanderinghimback.Isheoneofyours,ortheirs?’
‘He’sthemanweusedtosetupthetrap,’Khaledsaid.‘Ishothimmyself,afterheservedhispurpose,buthegotaway.’
‘Hegotback,’Karlasaid.‘Canweleavehimhere,Khaled?WewanttokeepIdrissoutofthis.’
‘Leavehim.Mymenwillbeback,soon,withthetrucks.I’llputthisonewiththebodieswe’rethrowingintothesewertomorrow.’
‘Idon’twanttoseeAbdullah’sbody,Khaled,’Isaid.‘Doyousweartomethathe’sdead?’
‘Wallah!’hereplied.
‘Iwanttoseehim,’Karlasaidtome.‘Butyoudon’thavetocome.’
Everywheretogether,neverapart:butsometimesthetwoofyouissomethingthatonlyoneofyoumustdo.
‘I’llcome,’Isaid,feelingsickalready.‘I’llcome.’
Khaledledusthroughadrawingroomtothemaindiningroom.Fourbodieswerelyingonthetableneatly,likepavementdwellerssleepingtogetheronthestreet
IsawAbdullahatonce,hislongblackhairtrailingovertheedgeofthetable.Iwantedtoturnaway.Iwantedtorun.Thatbeautifulface,thatlionheart,thatfireinthesky:Icouldn’tbeartoseeitemptied,andcold.
ButKarlawenttohim,putherheadonhischest,andwept.Ihadtomove.Idriftedalongthetable,deadmen’sheadsabreezeagainstmyfingers,andtookAbdullah’shand.
Thefacewasstern,andIwascomfortedtoseeit.Hewaswearingwhite,anditshowedbloodeverywhere.Aclearlinecrossedhisbrow,wherehiswhitecaphadbeen,buthisproudface,alleyebrows,noseandbeardlikeakingofSumer,wasspeckledandblotchedeverywhereelse.
He’dbeenshot,andstabbed,buthisreddenedfacewasunmarked.
Ithurtinsidelikeacramptoseehistimestopped.Myownthreadsoftimevibratedwithinme,onestrandoftheharmonysilenced.
Ithurttoseenobreath,nolife,nolove.Itwashardtostareatamanstillthere,andalreadysufferedfor,andalreadymissing.
Shewasright,tomakeuscry.Ifyoudon’tsaygoodbye,anIrishpoetoncesaidtome,youneversaygoodbye.Andittookalongtimetocrygoodbye.
FinallyIletthedeadhandfall,andletthemythofthemanfallwithit.Eachonethatleavesus,leavesanunfillablespace.Shecamebackwithmetotheverandaincontrolagain,butgrieving,andknowingthattherewasanemptycaveinsidebothofus:acavethatwoulddrawusagainandagaintosorrow,andremember.
Khaledwaswaitingforus.
‘Youshouldhurry,’hesaid.‘MyCompanyisveryjumpytonight.’
‘YourCompany?’
‘TheKhaledCompany,Lin,’Khaledreplied,frowning.‘Thisnight,wetookVishnu’slife,andnowwetakeeverythingthatVishnuhad.Thisnight,theKhaledCompanyisborn.Thatwastheplan.Abdullah’splan,infact,tousehimselfasthebait.’
‘Youknowwhat,Khaled–’Istartedtoenditwithhim,butIstopped,becausejustthenamansteppedoutofashadow.
‘Salaamaleikum,Shantaram,’theTuaregsaid.
‘Waaleikumsalaam,Tuareg,’Isaid,standingclosertoKarla.
‘TheTuareghasbeenfreelancingforme,’Khaledsaid.‘Hesetallofthisup.Andnowhe’sbackhome,intheKhaledCompany.’
‘Yousetthisup,Tuareg?’
‘Idid.AndIkeptyououtofit,bysendingyouaftertheIrishman,’theTuaregsaid.‘Becauseyoushookmyhand.’
‘Goodbye,Khaled,’Isaid.
‘Allahhafiz,’Karlasaid,takingmyarmonthesteps,becausewewerebothunsteadyonourfeet.
‘Khudahafiz,’Khaledreplied.‘Untilwemeetagain.’
Whenwereachedthebaseofthemountain,Karlastoppedme.
‘DoyouhavethekeystoStateofGrace?’
‘Ialwayshavethekeystomybike,’Isaid.‘Youwannaride?’
‘Oh,yeah,let’sride,’shesaid.‘I’msomessedupthatonlyfreedomcansaveme.’
Werodetothetemple,whereIdrissandthestudentswereshelteringforthenight,andtoldthemthatthedangerwasover.Idrisssentafit,youngstudenttotellSilvanothenews.Wetookablessingfromthesage,andleft.
Werodethelasthoursbeforedawn,goingnowherethelongway,thebikechatteringmachinetalkonemptyboulevards,withsignalsonbothsidesflashinggreen,becausenobodyinBombaystopped,atthathour,forred.
Weparkedthebikeattheentrancetotheslower,softerpathtothemountain.Ichainedthebiketoayoungtree,soshewouldn’tbeafraid,andwewalkedthelong,gentle,windingpathtothemesa.
Karlaclungtome.Iputanarmaroundherwaist,supportingher,andmakingherstepsalittlelighter.
‘Abdullah,’shesaidsoftly,afewtimes.
Abdullah
Irememberedwhenshesaidittomakeuslaugh,onthesteepclimb.IrememberedwhenAbdullahwasafriendIcouldlaughwith,andtease.Wecriedtogetheraswewalked.
Wereachedthecamp,andfoundstudentsthere,alreadybringingthingsbacktofunctionandfaith.
‘Okay,thisistoobusy,’Karlasaid,leaningagainstmyshoulder.‘Let’shitthegrassyknoll.’
Weheadedforourmakeshifttentontheknoll.Isetherdownthere,unresisting,fallingbackontoacushionasifintoadream,andwithinaminuteshewasasleep.
Wehadalargewaterbottleinourkitofsupplies.Isoakedatowel,andcleanedthecutsandgrazesthatI’dalreadyimagined,andthenfound,onherhandsandfeet.
Shemoaned,fromtimetotime,whenclothandwatersentstreaksintohersleepingmind,butdidn’twake.
Whenthewoundsonherhandsandfeetwereclean,Irubbedthemwithturmericoil.Itwasthemedicinethateveryoneonthemountainusedforcutsandscratches
WhenIfinishedmassagingoilintoherscrapedandcutfeet,shecurledontoherside,andwentdeeperintothatannihilatingsleep.
Abdullah.Abdullah
Itookwaterintotheforest,emptiedmyself,cleanedmyself,scrubbedmyself,andreturnedtofindhersittingup,staringatourpatchofsky.
‘Areyouokay?’Iasked.
‘I’mokay,’shesaid.‘Wherewereyou?’
‘Cleaningup.’
‘Afteryoucleanedthecutsonmyhandsandfeet.’
‘I’masanitaryguy.’
Isettledinbesideher,andshesettledinbesideme.
‘He’sgone,’shesaid,herfaceagainstmychest.
‘He’sgone,’Iechoed.
Dayraisedthebluebanner,andsoundsoflifeshudderedfromsleep:ashout,alaugh,birdcrybrazeninthelight,anddovestremblingstoriesoflove.
Shesleptagain,andIwascalmwithher,inthepeacethatonlysleepinglovecreates,whilethoughtsofAbdullah,bulletwoundsinthemind,keptbleeding.
Hewasself-discipline,hewaskindnessuntobloodforafriend,andhewasruthlessenoughtoshamehisownhonour,whichIwas,too,inmyownway.
Islept,atlast,ridingawaveofconsolationinwords,wordsIdrissspoke,runningthroughmymindagainandagain,sheepcountingsheep.
Themysteryofloveiswhatwewillbecome,thephraserepeated.Themysteryofloveiswhatwewillbecome.Andthesusurrusofsyllablesbecamethefirstgentlerainofthenewmonsoon,aswewokethenextmorning.
Stillwoundedbythenightwereturnedtothecampasheavyrainfilledtheskywithseas,purifiedinascensionandpouringfromtree-shoulders,shakeninthewind.
Rivuletsplayed,makingtheirownwaythroughpriorplans,andbirdshuddledonbranches,notriskingfreedom’sflight.Plantsthathadbeenthinapostrophesbecameparagraphs,andvinesthathadslumberedlikesnakesinwinterwrithedinsolentinvividnewgreen.Baptisedbythesky,theworldwasbornagain,andhopewashedayear’sdustandbloodfromthemountain.PartFifteen
ChapterEighty-Five
Attheendofthatfirstweekofrain,afterwatchingSilvanodancewithstudentsinarare,sunnyshower,andevenIdrissshakeasteportwo,leaningonhislongstaff,KarlaandImadeourwaydownthemountainforthelasttime.
Wedidn’tknowthatthesteeppathwetookwouldvanish,inayearorso,erasedbynature.Wedidn’tknowthatthemesa,andthecaves,too,wouldbeovergrownnotlongafterIdrissandhisstudentsdismantledtheircampandleftforVaranasi.
Wedidn’tknowthatitwasthelasttimewe’deverseehim.Wewerebubblingstoriesabouthimallthewaydowntothehighway,unawarethathewasalreadyaghostofphilosophy,continuinginusthroughmemoriesandideasalone.Wedidn’tknowthatIdrisswasalreadyaslosttousintimeasAbdullah.
Weracedablackcloudallthewaybacktothebirthofthepeninsula,atMetro,andparkedthebikeunderthearchbeneaththeAmritsarhotel,justasanewstormhit.
Thetempestcameatusfrombothsidesofthearchway,andweclungtogether,laughingastorrentsscourgedus.Whenthestormpassed,wewipedthebikedowntogether,Karlatalkingtoherallthewhilelikeapsychicmechanic.
Weclimbedthestairstothelobby,andfounditchanged,afterourweeksonthemountain.Therewasaglassrefrigeratordoor,whereJaswant’ssecretcabinethadbeen.Hestillhadhisswankychair,butaswankynewglassandsyntheticlaminatecounterreplacedthewoodenreceptiondesk.
Jaswanthimselfwasinaswankysuit,completewithatie.
‘Whatthehell,Jaswant?’Isaid.
‘You’vegottoembracechange,man,’Jaswantsaid.‘Hello,MissKarla.Howlovelytoseeyouagain.’
‘Nicesuit,Jaswant,’shereplied.
‘Thankyou,MissKarla.Doyouthinkitfitsokay?’
‘Veryslimming.Come,sayhi.Butbecareful,I’mdrippingwet.’
Iwasstillfrowningolddoubtonthenewdesk.
‘What’sthematter?’heasked.
‘Yourreceptiondesklookslikeanairlinecounter.’
‘So?’
‘Anairlinecounterissomethingyougotobecauseyouhaveto,notbecauseyouwantto.’
‘Youcanvisittheolddesk,anytimeyouwant.Olegboughtit.It’sinyourrooms.’
‘Oleg!Damn,he’sgood.Hebeatmetoit.’
‘Thenewdesk’sokay,Jaswant,’Karlasaid.‘Putaplantonthetopshelf,andanicebigshellbesideit,andmaybeablown-glasspaperweightonthesecondshelf.It’llsoftenthings.I’vegotashellyoucanborrow,ifyoulike,andapaperweightthathasadandelioninit.’
‘Really?I’dlovethat.’
‘There’snoruminhere,’Isaid,wipingcondensationofftheglassdoorofhisnewrefrigeratedcabinet.‘Andnocheese.’
‘There’sanewmenu,’Jaswantsaid,flippingalaminatedcardonthelaminatedairlinecounter.
Ididn’tlookatit.
‘Ilikedtheoldmenu.’
‘Wedidn’thaveanoldmenu,’Jaswantfrowned.
‘Exactly.’
‘TheLostLoveBureauisbringingalotofpeoplethroughthedoornow,andIhavetopresenttherightcorporateimage.You’vegottogetwiththetimes,Lin.’
‘Ipreferitwhenthetimesgetwithme.’
‘Heads-up,Jaswant,’Karlasaid.‘I’vebeenthinkingofmakingsomechangestomyrooms.’
‘Changes?’Jaswantasked,commercetighteninghisnewtie.
KarladismantledtheBedouintentoverthenextfewdays,andwepaintedherroomsred,withblacktrimonthedoorsanddoorways.Jaswantcouldn’tcomplain,becausehe’dsoldusthepaint.
Shecutpicturesfromsciencemagazines,andhadthemmountedinBollywood-goldframes.Sheframedafeather,andaleaf,andapagefromabookofpoemsthatshefoundfloatinginthebreezeinaquietstreet:
TheBeggingRain
Afterwards
whenIamnotwithyou
andyouarealoneenough
tocountthenailsinyourheart,
studdedlikeatreasurehousedoor,
whenyouarrangeyoursilence
inthevaseofanhour,
memoriesofourhands,
andaspikeoflaughter
colouringofmyeyes,
whenyousitwithintheswell
ofheartbeat,
thepurpletideofdaydream
lappingattheshoresoflove,
andyourskinsings,perfume-pierced,
surrendertothisthoughtofme:
asmimosaslongformonsoon,
Ilongforyou,
ascrimsoncactusflowerslongforMoon
Ilongforyou,
andinmyafterwards,
whenIamnotwithyou,
myheadturnstothewindowoflife
andbegsforrain.
SheputuplargepicturesofPetraKellyandIdaLupino,twoofherheroes,inblackbaroqueframes.Shetookherbalconyplantsinside,andfilledeverycornerwiththem,leavingafewoutsidetorotateinsunlight.
Ithinkshetriedtorecreatethemountainforestinahotelsuite,andshedidagoodjob.Nomatterwhereyousatinthemainroomyouwerelookingatplants,ortouchedbythem.
Andsheinstalledalong,thin,stylisedsculptureofaTrojansoldier,sculptedbyTaj.Itriedtoputaplantinfrontofit,butshewouldn’tletme.
‘Really?It’sbecauseofthisguythatyouleftthegallery.’
‘He’sagoodsculptor,’Karlasaid,arrangingthedoomedsoldier,‘evenifhe’snotaterrificguy.’
Iuseditasahatstand.Ihadtobuyahat,butitwasworthit.Andlittlebylittle,thingssettleddowntothesemblanceofpeacethat’sgoodenough,whenyouknowenoughaboutbadenough.
Oleg’sgreenrooms,asmyroomsbecametomatchthecouch,werepopular.KarlaandIwenttoafewofhisparties,andhadagoodtime.Welaughedourwaythroughseveralmoreparties,listeningtothecrazyconversationsbeingshoutednextdoor,transmittedthroughourwallinhighinfidelity.
TheyoungRussianhadgivenuponIrina,thegirlhecalledhisKarlesha,andasthepictureshe’dgiventothewaitersatLeopold’sfadedandwrinkled,hestoppedaskingthemifthey’dseenher.
‘WhydoyoucallIrinaKarlesha,’Iaskedhimonce.
‘IwasinlovewithanothergirlnamedIrina,’hereplied,hisperpetualsmilefadinginthehalf-lightofreflection.‘Shewasmyfirstlove.ItwasthefirsttimeIeverreallyfelldown,inside,withloveforagirl.Wewerebothsixteen,anditwasoverwithinayear,butIstillfeltunfaithfultoher,thefirstIrina,byusingthename.Karleshawasapetnamethatmyfatherusedforhissister,myaunt,andIalwayslikedit.’
‘So…youdidn’tfeelunfaithfultoElenabygoingwithIrina,butyoufeltunfaithfultoyourchildhoodsweetheart,byusingthesamename?’
‘Youcanonlybeunfaithfultosomeoneyoulove,’hesaid,frowningatmyignorance.‘AndIwasneverinlovewithElena.IwasinlovewithIrina,andI’minlovewithKarlesha.’
‘Andthegirlswhocomeandgoinyourgreenroom?’
‘I’vegivenuphopethatIwillseeKarleshaagain,’hereplied,lookingaway.‘Didier’sT-shirtstrategydidn’twork.Maybeit’sjustnotmeanttobe.’
‘Doyouthinklovemightsparkwithoneofthesegirls?’
‘No,’heansweredquickly,brighteningagain.‘I’mRussian.WeR-peopleloveveryhardandverydeeply.It’swhyourwritingandourmusicissomadwithpassion.’
HeworkedmadlyandpassionatelywithNaveen,andtheybecameanintuitiveteam.Didierworkedwiththemonacasethatdrewpublicity,whentheyreunitedlostloversanduncoveredaslaveryringatthesametime,leadingtoarrestsandthebreak-upofthegang.
Thedangerous,debonairFrenchmandevotedmoretimeandseriousnesstotheLostLoveBureauafterthat,andwhenhewasn’tholdingcourtatLeopold’s,hewasalwayswiththeyoungdetectives,workingonashockinglyurgentcase.
Vinsonsoldhisdrugrackettoacompetitor,andwentbacktotheashramwithRannveig.HesentalettertoKarla,afterafewweeksofpenitentfloorscrubbing,sayingthathedidn’treallyconnectwiththeholymenattheashram,buthegotonwellwiththegardenerswhogrewtheirmarijuanaforthem.Hewashappy,andhewasworkingonanewbusinessplan,withRannveig.
TheKhaledCompanydidn’tfundanymovies,andwhenacopwaskilledinthesouththetrucebetweenthepolicegangandthemafiagangwasbroken.LightningDilipworkedtripleshifts,astheprisonercountgrew.
Ajournalistwasbeatenonherdoorstepfortellingthetruth,andapoliticianwasbeateninhishomefornottellingalie.SkirmishesbetweenthepoliceandtheKhaledCompanyatcourthearingswerecommonplace,andsometimesturnedintoriots.TheCompanyblamedeveryprosecutiononreligiousbias,andthecopsblamedeverypunchoncriminalintent.
Khaled’scrownwasslipping,andAbdullahwasn’ttheretosetitstraight.Themystic-turned-mafia-donwaslosingcontrol:hisunnecessaryviolencewasaninsulttodishonestlawlessness,andeveryoneonBackStreetwantedhimtostop.
Wecouldn’tstopKhaled,butwedidstopLightningDilip.Karlasaidthatshehadabirthdaypresentforme,andshewantedtogiveittomeearly.
‘Idon’tcelebrate–’
‘Yourbirthday,Iknow.Youwannaknowwhatthepresentis,ornot?’
‘Okay.’
‘Thecopthatwegotonthefetishtapes,’Karlasaid.‘It’sLightningDilip.’
Karma’sahammer,notafeather,IrememberedKarlasaying.
‘Veryinteresting.’
‘Wannaknowwhathisfetishwas?’
‘No.’
‘Itinvolvedalotofsandwichwrap,’Karlasaid.
‘Please,stop.’
‘Leavingonlyhisinsubordinatesandhismouthexposed.’
‘Okay,enough.’
‘Andinonepart,thegirlhadtoswathisprivateswithaflyswatter.’
‘Karla.’
‘Aplasticone,ofcourse,andthen–’
Iputmyfingersinmyearsandsaidla-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-launtilshestopped.Itwaschildish,andbeneathusboth,anditworked.
‘Okay.Seeingashowit’syourbirthdaypresent,andwecanmakehimdoanythingthatwewant,’Karlaasked,awickedsmileshiningfrominsurgency,‘whatdoyouwanttodowiththeLightningDilipfilm?’
‘I’mguessingyou’vealreadythoughtitthrough.’
‘Iwasthinkingheshouldretire,’Karlasaid.‘Citinghisremorse,forhavingmistreatedprisoners.Demoted,disgraced,andwithoutapension.’
‘Nice.’
‘LightningDiliphasbeendigginghisowngraveforyears,onekickatatime,’Karlasaid.‘Ithinkhe’saboutreadytofallintoit.’
‘When?’
‘I’llaskNoProblemtodeliverthemessagetomorrow,withadeadlineforhimtoresignintwenty-fourhours,orwegopublic.Soundrighttoyou?’
‘Noproblem,’Ismiled,gladtoberidofhim,andwonderingwhothenextLightningDilipwouldbe,andhowmuchmorewe’dhavetopay.
‘Iwasalsothinkingheshouldretiretoavillagesomewhere,faraway,’Karlamused.‘Theonehecamefrommightbenice.I’mprettysurethepeoplewhowatchedhimgrowupwillknowwhattodowithhimwhenhecomesback.’
‘They’lldoitinanisolatedspot,iftheyknowhimwell.’ChapterEighty-Six
GeminiGeorgewasinaspeciallyequippedroomonthepenthouseflooroftheMaheshhotel,watchedoverbyScorpioGeorgeandaprestigeofdoctors.Thehotelhadprovidedspecialiststhroughinternationalcontacts,andScorpiohiredmedicalexpertisefromthebesthospitalsinIndia.
ItseemedthatitmightbetoolateforGemini,whosethinbodyfailedandfadeddaybyday,buthealwaysgreetedeachnewexpertwithajoke,andasmile.
ScorpiomadeussuffertoseeGemini,becauseno-oneelsestayedstilllongenoughtosufferlisteningtohim.
‘I’vebeenoffmyfood,’Scorpiosaid,aswestoodoutsidethedoortoGemini’sroom.‘AndI’vegotablisteronmyfootfrompacingupanddown,worryingaboutGemini.AndIdeserveit,becauseit’sallmyfault.’
‘It’sokay,’Karlasaid,takinghishand.‘No-oneblamesyou,Scorpio.’
‘Butitismyfault.IfIhadn’tbeensearchingforthatholyman,Geminiwouldn’thavegotdenguefever,andwe’dbeokay,likebefore.’
‘No-onelovesGeminimorethanyoudo,’Karlareplied,assheopenedthedoor.‘Heknowsthat.’
Geminiwasinafullyadjustablehospitalbed,withtubescomingfromtoomanyplaces.Anewplastictentcoveredhisbed.Thereweretwonursesattendingtohim,checkingdataonmachinesarrangedaroundtheleftsideofthebed.
Hesmiledatusasweapproached.Helookedbad.Histhinbodywasthecolourofacutpersimmon,andhisfacerevealedtheskullbeneaththesmile.
‘Hello,Karla,’hesaidcheerily,althoughthesoundofhisvoicewasweak.‘Hello,Lin,mate.Sogladyou’vecome.’
‘Damngoodtoseeyouagain,man,’Isaid,wavingathimthroughtheplastictent.
‘Howaboutagame?’Karlapurred.‘Unlessyouthinkthosemedsyou’reonstoleyouredge.’
‘Can’tplaycardsyet,althoughI’dloveto.I’minthisplastictentforafewweeks,yousee,andtheydaren’ttakeitoff.Myimmunesystem’sdown,theysay.Ithinkthemachinesarejustforshow.They’rekeepingmealivewithrubberbandsandkindness.Meorgansareshuttin’down,onebyone,likepeopleleavingatrain,youknow?’
‘Areyouinpain,Gemini?’Karlaasked.
Hesmiled,veryslowly:sunlightburningshadowsfromameadow.
‘I’mrightasrain,love,’hesaid.‘They’vegotmeonadrip.That’swhenyouknowyou’redyin’,innit?Whenallthebestdrugsaresuddenlylegal,andyoucanhaveasmuchasyouwant.It’stheupsideofthedownside,sotospeak.’
‘I’dstillliketoplayafewhands,’Karlasmiled,‘whilewe’reallontheupside.’
‘LikeIsaid,it’smyimmunesystemthat’supthespout.That’swhyIgotthistent.It’sactuallyyouthatcouldhurtme.Funny,innit?’
‘GeminiGeorge,aquitter?’Karlateased.‘Ofcourseyoucanplaycardswithus.We’lldealyouahand,andI’llholdthecardsupforyouwithoutlooking.Youtrustme,don’tyou?’
Karlanevercheatedatanygame,andGeminiknewit.
‘You’llhavetoclearitwiththemfirst,’Geminisaid,noddingatthenurses.‘They’vegotmeonaprettytightrein.’
‘Whydon’twestart?’Karlareplied,winkingatthenurses.‘Andiftheygetworried,we’llstop.Wherearethecards?’
‘Inthetopdrawerofthecabinet,justbesideyou.’
Iopenedthedrawer.Therewasadeckofcards,acheapwatch,asmallbellfromacharmbracelet,awarmedalthatmight’vebeenhisfather’s,acrossonachain,andawalletwornthinwithpatientpenury.
Karlapulledthreechairsclosetothebed.Igaveherthecards,andsheshuffledthem,spillingouthandsonthesparechair.SheheldGemini’shanduptotheplasticshield.
ThenursescheckedthehandascloselyasGeminidid.
‘We’llcallyourcardsone-to-five,yourlefttoyourright,’Karlasaid.‘Anythingyouwanttothrow,callitbynumber.Whenyouhaveyourhand,callitbynumber,andI’llrearrangeitforyou,okay?’
‘Gotit,’Geminisaid.‘Isitpat.’
Oneofthenursesmadeanoise,clickinghertongueagainstherteeth.Geminiturnedtoher.Bothnurseswereshakingtheirheads.Geminiturnedbackagain.
‘Onsecondthoughts,’hesaid,‘throwoneandfour,andgivemetwocards,please,Karla.’
Thenursesnodded.Karlawithdrewtheunwantedcards,dealttwomoreintohishand,andshowedthemtohim.Theymust’vebeengoodcards,becauseGeminiandthenursespoker-facedus.
‘Ibetfifty,’Geminisaid.‘Fightitoutandstretchitoutforme,Karla.I’vegotnowhereelsetobe,butinthisgame.’
‘I’llseeyourfifty,andraiseyouahundred,’Karlasaid,‘ifyou’vegotthestomachtubesforit.’
‘I’mout,’Isaid,throwinginmycards,andleavingthedueltoKarlaandGemini.
‘I’msoreadyforthis,’Geminilaughed,andcoughed.‘Doyourworst.’
‘Ionlyplaytowin,Gemini.Youknowthat.’
‘Yourememberthatnight,’Geminisaid,hissmileasunsetinthevalleyofyesterday.‘Thehousewarmingpartywethrew,meandScorpio?Rememberthatnight?’
‘Greatparty,’Isaid.
‘Goodfun,’Karlaadded.
‘Thatwasagreatparty.Thebestever.Thatwasthetimeofmylife.’
‘You’llpullthrough,’Karlasaid.‘There’splentyofpavementleftinyou,Gemini.Moneytime.Putuporshutup,streetguy.’
WedidthebestwecouldforGemini,andwithalittlehelpfromhisnurseshemanagedtocheat,foroldtimes’sake,everytimeweplayed.
Wevisitedoften,butattheendofeveryvisit,awayfromGemini’sroom,wearguedwithScorpiothathisZodiactwinshouldbeinahospital.Everytime,Scorpiorefused.Lovehasitsownlogic,justasithasitsownfoolishness.
Inanotherroomoflifeanddeath,acrossthecity,Farzad,theyoungforger,respondedtotreatment.Asthebloodclotonhisbraindissolved,herecoveredhisspeechandmovement.
Atremorthattwitchedhislefteyeclosed,fromtimetotime,remindedhimthatmakingcheekyremarkstoviciousmenendsviciously.ThemysteriousdisappearanceofLightningDilipremindedhim,withahappiersmile,thatno-oneescapeskarma.
Thethreefamiliessharedthetreasure,leavingaportioninacollectiveaccounttopayfortheredecorationoftheircombinedhomes.Theyretainedthedomedspaceasthecommonareaithadbeen,buttookdownthescaffolding,onefreshlypaintedorremodelledsectionatatime,revealingthesmallbasilicathatithadbecomeinthesearch.
Karlalikedthescatterofcatwalks,reachingthreefloorsaboveus,andshelikedthehappymixofParsis,HindusandMuslimsevenmore.
WhileIwentthroughpaperworkwithArshan,onceaweek,bringingtheillegaldocumentsI’dcreatedforhimintolinewithhisnewlylegalones,Karlaworkedonthescaffoldingwiththefamilies,paintbrushorpowerdrillinhand.
Shewasariver,notastone,andeverydaywasanothercurveintomorrow’splain.Shewaspulledfromafamilysheloved,andthatlovedher,shethought,untiltheytookthewordofaman,afriendandneighbour,whorapedher.Yearslater,whenshekilledtherapistandwentontherun,sheseveredeveryconnectiontoherownlife.
Shewasrunawaytough,adancingcat,agreenwitch,andsafefromeverythingbutherself,likeme.
Sheusedthemoneyshe’dmadeonthestockmarkettohirepeople,newfriendsandnot-quitestrangers,givingthemofficespaceshe’drentedintheAmritsarhotel.Shewasgatheringanewfamilyaroundher,assomanyintheoldfamilyshe’dfoundinBombaylefttheIslandCity,ordied,orweredying,likeGeminiGeorge.
Ididn’tknowhowmuchofthegatheringshedidattheAmritsarhotelwasconsidered,andhowmuchwasunconsciousinstinct.Butwhensheworkedwiththethreefamiliesinthetreasure-hunters’palace,shesettledquicklyandhappilyintotheirroutine,andIsawthehungerforit,inbothofus:thedesirethathadmaturedintoneed.
Thewordfamilyisderivedfromthewordfamulus,meaningaservant,andinitsearlyusage,familia,itliterallymeanttheservantsofahousehold.Initsessence,thelongingforfamily,andtheravenousnessthatthelossoffamilycreatesinus,isn’tjustforbelonging:it’sforthegracethatabidesinservingthosewelove.ChapterEighty-Seven
Itwasaseasonofchange,andtheIslandCityseemedtobesprucingitselfupforaparadethathadn’tbeencalled.Roaddividersworegleamingnewcoats,paintedbymenwhoriskedtheirlivesateverystroke.Shopsredecorated,andshoppersredecoratedwiththem.Newsignsannouncedoldprivilegeoneverycorner.Andbelovedmould,nature’scommentonourplans,wasscrapedfrombuildingsandpaintedover.
‘Whydon’tyoulikethenewmakeover?’afriendwhoownedarestaurantaskedme,staringupathisfreshlypaintedenterprisefromthepavement.
‘Ilikedtheoldmakeover.Yourpaintjobisdandy,butIlikedtheonemadebythelastfourmonsoons.’
‘Why?’
‘Ilikethingsthatdon’tresistnature.’
‘You’vegottakeepupwiththetimes,man,’hesaid,holdinghisbreathasheenteredhisrenovatedrestaurant,becauseitwasimpossibletobreatheandstayconsciousatthesametime,soclosetothedryingpaint.
Fashionisthebusinessendofart,andevenAhmed’sHouseofStylefinallysuccumbedtothetyrannyofassimilation.Hishand-paintedsignwascorporatisedintothestigmataofavarice,alogo.Straightrazorsandangrybristlebrushesweregone,replacedbyaselectionofhair-carechemicalsthatsignsassuredushadn’tbeentestedonbabyrabbits,andwouldn’tblindorkillthepeoplewhousedthem.
Eventheaftershave,AmbrosiadeAhmed,hadvanished,butIwasluckyenoughtoarriveintimetosavethemirror,starredwithpicturesofAhmed’sfreehaircuts,eachonelikethedeathphotoofanoutlaw,murderedbyjustice.
‘Notthemirror!’Isaid,stoppingsmallmenwithbighammersfromsmashingitoffthewall.
‘Salaamaleikum,Lin,’Ahmedsaid.‘Thewholeplaceisbeingrenovated,forAhmed’sNewHouseofStyle.’
‘Waaleikumsalaam.Notthemirror!’
Ihadmybacktothemirror,myarmswidetostopthehammers.KarlawasstandingbesideAhmed,herarmsfolded,acheekysmileplayinginthegardenofhereyes.
‘Themirrorhastogo,Lin,’Ahmedsaid.‘Itdoesn’tfitwiththenewlook.’
‘Thismirrorgoeswitheverylook,’Iprotested.
‘Notwiththislook,’Ahmedsaid,slidingabrochurefromapile,andhandingittome.
Ilookedthepictureover,andhandeditback.
‘Itlookslikeaplacetoeatsushi,’Isaid.‘Peoplecan’targuepoliticsandinsulteachotherinaplacelikethat,Ahmed,evenwiththemirror.’
‘Newpolicy,’hesaid.‘Noinsults.Nopolitics,religionorsex.’
‘Areyoumad,Ahmed?Censorship,inabarbershop?’
IlookedatKarla,andshewashavingaprettygoodtime.
‘Comeon,’Ipleaded.‘Therehastobeatleastoneplacewherenobodykissesanybodyontheass.’
Ahmedgavemeasternlook.
Itwasn’thisownsternlook:itwasthesternlookonahandsomefacebeneathapompadourhaircut,inacatalogueofcutsandstylesfortheNewHouseofStyle.
Iflippedthroughthepictures,knowingthatAhmedwasprobablyproudofit,becausehe’dillegallyincludedphotosofmoviestarsandprominentbusinessmentogivethecollectioncurrency.
Ididn’twanttohurthisfeelings,butformethecataloguewasthewrongsetofvictims.
‘Youcan’tbreakthemirror,Ahmed.’
‘Willyousellittome,exactlyasitis?’Karlaasked.
‘Areyouserious?’
‘Yes,Ahmed.Isitforsale?’
‘Itwouldtakemesometime,tocleanoffthepictures,’hesaidthoughtfully.
‘I’dlikeitwiththepictures,ifyoudon’tmind,Ahmed.It’sperfectasitis.’
Iloveyou,Karla,Ithought.
‘Verywell,MissKarla.Would,say,athousandrupees,includingtransportandinstallation,beacceptabletoyou?’
‘Itwould,’Karlasmiled,handinghimthemoney.‘I’vegotafreewallinmyplace,andI’vebeentryingtothinkwhattoputonit.Ifyourmencanremoveitcarefully,andsetitupformeagainattheAmritsarhoteltoday,I’dbemuchobliged.’
‘Done,’Ahmedsaid,signallingthehammer-mentostanddown.‘I’llwalkyouout.’
Onthestreet,Ahmedlookedleftandrighttomakesurethatno-onecouldhear,andleanedclose.
‘Iwillstilldohousecalls,’hewhispered.‘Strictlyoffthebooks,ofcourse,andtopsecret.Idon’twantpeoplethinkingI’mnotwholehearted,intheNewHouseofStyle.’
‘Now,that’sgoodnews,’Isaid.
‘So,’Karlawhispered,‘ifweweretogatheragroupofargumentative,veryinsultingmenatourplace,you’dbehappytocomebyandcreateAhmed’sOldHouseofStyle?’
‘You’vealreadygotthemirror,’Ahmedsmiled.‘AndIwillreallymissthedangerousdiscussions,intheNewHouseofStyle.’
‘Done,’Karlasaid,shakinghandswithhim.
Ahmedlookedatme,frowned,andstraightenedmycollarsothatitstoodupatthebackofmyneck.
‘Whenareyougoingtobuyajacketwithsleevesinit,Lin?’
‘WhenyoustartsellingthemattheNewHouseofStyle,’Isaid.‘Allahhafiz.’
‘Salaam,salaam,’helaughed.
Werodeaway,andthenKarlatoldmethatthemirrorwasmysecondbirthdaypresent,remindingme,again,thatitwasmybirthday,whichI’dhappilyforgotten.
‘Pleasedon’ttellanyoneelse,’Icalledovermyshoulder.
‘Iknow,’shecalledback.‘Youlikecelebratingotherpeople’sbirthdays,andforgettingyourown.Yoursecret’ssafewithme.’
‘Iloveyou,Karla.Iwasthinkingthat,justbefore.Andthanks,forthemirror.Youreallygotmethere.’
‘Ialwaysgetyouthere.’
Wehadmoretimetogetoneanother,andrideandshareadrinkandeatmealstogether,becauseIsoldmymoney-changeoperationtoJagat,forthetwenty-fivepercenthewasalreadygivingme.HemanagedtheracketbetterthanIdid,andearnedmoremoney,respectanddisciplinefromtheshopkeeperchangers.Thefactthatayearorsobeforeheranmybinghe’dcutthelittlefingeroffathiefwhostolefromhimaddedacertainstingtohisslap.
Icouldn’tvisitHalf-MoonAuntieinthefishmarketagain,becauseKarlarecruitedher.
‘Youwantmetorunyourbooks?’Half-MoonAuntieasked.
‘Whoknowsmoreaboutkeepingpeople’smoneysafethanyoudo,Half-MoonAuntie?’Karlasaid,facingpointedquartersofthemoon.
‘That’strue,’Half-MoonAuntiereplied,considering.‘Butitcouldbeabigjob.’
‘Notthatbig,’Karlasaid.‘Weonlykeeponesetofbooks.’
‘Iamaccustomedtomyregularvisitors,’Half-MoonAuntiesaid,leaningforwardandbeginninganorbitaldrifttowardhalf-moon.
‘Whatyoudobehindyourcloseddoorisyourbusiness,’Karlasaid.‘Whatyoudowhenthedoorisopenisourbusiness.Ifyou’reinterested,Ihaveafriend,namedRandall,whohasalimousine.It’sparkedbelowmybuilding,mostofthetime.’
‘Alimousine,’Half-MoonAuntiesaidthoughtfully.
‘Withblackoutwindows,andalongmattressintheback.’
‘Iwillconsiderit,’Half-MoonAuntiereplied,liftingonefooteffortlesslybehindherhead.
Andafewdayslatersheconsideredherwayintoanapartmentoffice,underourroomsattheAmritsarhotel,whereKarlahadrentedthewholefloor.
Half-MoonAuntie’sofficewasnexttotwoothers,alreadypaintedandfurnished.OneroomborethetitleBlueHijabMarriageCounsellingServices.TheMuslimcommunist,orcommunistMuslim,hadreunitedwithMehmuearlierthanexpected,andshe’dcalledKarla,askingiftheofferofapartnershipwasstillopen.
‘She’snothere,yet,’Isaid,whenthebrasssignwasattachedtothedoor.
‘Shewillbe,’Karlasmiled.‘Inshallah.’
‘What’sthethirdofficefor?’
‘Surprises,’shepurred.‘YouhavenoideawhatsurprisesIhaveinstoreforyou,Shantaram.’
‘Canyousurprisemewithdinner?I’mstarving.’
WewerehavingdinnerinthefrontgardenofaColabaBackBaybistro,whenweheardshoutingfromthestreet,afewstepsaway.
Acarhadstoppedbesideamanwalkingontheroad.Themeninthecarwereshoutingformoneyheowedthem.Twoofthemengotoutofthecar.
Aswelookedatthecommotion,IsawthatthemanwasKesh,theMemoryMan.Hehadhishandsoverhisheadasthetwothugsbegantohithim.
KarlaandIgotupfromthetableandjoinedKesh.Wemadeenoughnoiseforthemtogetbackinthecar,anddriveaway.
KarlahelpedKeshtositwithus,atthetable.
‘Aglassofwater,please!’shecalledtothewaiter.‘Areyoualright,Kesh?’
‘I’mokay,MissKarla,’hesaid,rubbingaknotofbaddebtonthetopofhishead.‘I’llgo,now.’
Hestoodtoleave,butwepulledhimbackintohischair.
‘Havedinnerwithus,Kesh,’Karlasaid.‘Youcantestyourmemoryagainstours.You’reprettygood,butmymoney’sonus.’
‘Ireallyshouldn’t–’
‘Youreallyshould,’Isaid,wavingthewaitertoourtable.
Keshlookedatthemenucarefully,closeditandmadehischoices.
‘Thezucchini,blackoliveandcrushedartichokepasterisotto,’thewaiterrepeated.‘Theiceberg,seasonedwithcrackedpepper,gingerandpistachiosauce,andatiramisu.’
‘You’reincorrect,’Keshsaid.‘Thecrackedpepper,gingerandpistachiosauceiswiththerocketsalad,whichisnumberseventy-sevenonyourmenu.Theicebergiswithlemon-garlic,chillipepperandwalnut-avocadosauce,whichisnumberseventy-sixonyourmenu.’
Thewaiteropenedhismouthtoreply,buthismentalscanofthemenuconfirmedKesh’scorrection,andhewalkedaway,shakinghishead.
‘What’stheproblem,Kesh?’Iasked.
‘Iowemoney,’hesaid,smilingfromthesideofhisdisillusion.‘TheMemoryManbusinessisn’twhatitusedtobe.Peopleareusingphonesforeverything,now.Prettysoon,thewholeworldwillbeabletocommunicatewithanyone,solongasthey’renotactuallythere.’
‘Youknowwhat?’Isuggested,asthefoodarrived.‘Grabataxi,andcometotheAmritsarhotelafterthis.We’llbethereaheadofyou,onthebike.’
‘Whathaveyougotinmind?’Karlasquintedatme,lasheslikelace.
‘Surprises,’Itriedtopurr.‘YouhavenoideawhatsurprisesIhaveinstoreforyou,Karla.’
DidierwascertainlysurprisedwhenIbroughtKeshintohisoffice,nexttoKarla’sattheAmritsar.
‘Idonotseethe…requirementforhisservices,’Didiersaid,sittingprofessionallyathisdeskbesideNaveen’s.
‘KeshisthebestMemoryManinthesouth,Didier,’Naveenobserved,sittingprofessionallyathisowndesk.‘Whatdidyouhaveinmind,Lin?’
‘Youknowhowyousaidthatpeoplealwaysfreezeupwhenyourecordtheirwitnessstatements?Theyseetherecorderandtheyfreezeup?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Keshcanbeyourrecorder.Herememberseveryconversationhehears.Hecanbeyourhumanrecorder,andpeoplewilltalknaturallyinfrontofhim.’
‘Ilikeit,’Karlalaughed.
‘Youdo?’Didierdoubted.
‘I’llhirehimrightnowifyoudon’t,Didier.’
‘Hired,’Didiersaid.‘Wehaveaninterviewwithamillionaireandhiswife,tomorrowmorningatten.Theirdaughterhasgonemissing.Youcanattend.Butyourmodeofdressmustbemore…executive…inappearance.’
‘Seeyouguyslater,’Isaid,pullingKeshwithusfromtheiroffice.
InthecorridoroutsideIgavehimsomemoney.Hetriedtostopme.
‘Youhavetoclearallyourdebtstonight,Kesh,’Isaid.‘Wedon’twantthoseguysshowinguparoundhere.Andyou’regoingstraighttomorrowmorning,remember?Goaroundandpayeveryoneoff.Getclean,andbehereatnine.Bethefirstonehere,andthelasttoleave.You’lldofine.’
Hestartedtocry.Isteppedbackapace,andletKarlatakeover.Shehuggedhim,andhecalmeddownquickly.
‘YouknowwhatDidiersaid,aboutdressinglikeanexecutive?’Isaid.
‘Yes.I’lltryto–’
‘Tohellwiththat.Dresslikeyouare.Actlikeyouare.Peoplewilltalktoyou,justlikeI’mtalkingtoyou,andyou’llbegoodatthis.IfDidierhasslesyou,tellhimIorderedyounottodresslikeaslave.’
‘He’sright,Kesh,’Karlasaid.‘Justbeyourself,andeverythingwillbefine.’
‘Okay,’Isaid.‘Goandpaythosedebtstonight,man.Getyourselfclear.’
Hetookeachdownwardsteponthestairwayasifitwasanewlevelofconsideration,pausingbeforetakingthenextponderedstep.Hisheadbobbedoutofsightaroundthecurvedstaircase.
Iwatchedhimoutofsightthoughtfully,andthenturnedtoseeKarlasmilingatme.
‘Iloveyou,Shantaram,’shesaid,kissingme.
Sometimelater,Keshsolvedtwocaseswithintwoweeks,andbecamethestaroftheLostLoveBureau.Hisattentiontodetail,andretentionofdetail,proveddecisiveinsolvingcases,andnointerviewproceededwithouthim.
Half-MoonAuntieandherintrepidclerkdidtheaccountsforthebureau,andsafeguardedsumsofmoneyforclientsfromtimetotime.Shewasanastutebusinesswoman,andspentlonghoursredesigningthebusinessplan,savingmoneyandhoursforeveryoneelse.
HerprivatesessionsinRandall’slimousinekeptherlunar-starvedvisitorscontent.Atalentishowyouuseit,shesaidtomeonce,usinghertalentstoillustratethepoint.
VinsonandRannveigreturnedfromtheashrambleachedofpride,butwedidn’tseethemoften,becausetheywerebusywiththeirplanstoopenacoffeeshop,andthenecessaryrenovations.
Whenwedidmanagetocatchthemmid-renovationforafewminutes,KarlatookRannveig’sarm,leadinghertogirltalk,andleavingmewithVinsonintheunfinishedcoffeeshop.
‘It’s…like,youknowthatwave,thatperfectwave,thatjustkeepsongoing,andwon’tletyoufall?’Vinsonsaid.
‘No,butIrideamotorcycle,andthat’slikesurfingcivilisation.’
‘Youknowthattotally,like,foreverwave?’
‘Ihaveagastank.Iknowhowfarforeveris.’
‘No,Imean,it’slikethattendencyfieldjellythatIdrisswastalkingabout.’
‘Uh-huh.’
‘I’m,like,surfingthesuperposition,youknow,betweenequallysurfablewaves.RannveigandIdriss,theyreallyopenedmymindupsomuch,man.Sometimes,IfeellikeI’msofullofideasthey’refallingoutofmyhead.’
‘I’mgladyou’rehappy,Vinson.Andit’sgreat,thecoffeebarthing.Reallyhappy,foryouandRannveig.Well,guessI’dbetterbegettingalong.We–’
‘Thiscoffeethingisamazing,’hesaid,gesturingtowardlargesacks,arrangedagainstawall.‘Imean,like,ifIjustexplainthedifferencebetweenColombianandGhanaianblendstoyou,it’llblowyourmindwideopen.’
‘Thanksforthewarning.Butyouknow,Karlawillbealonganyminute,soIdoubtwe’llhavetimetogetintoabigstorylikethat.’
‘Ifshecomesback,I’llstartitagain,’hesaidunhelpfully.
‘How’sRannveig?’Iaskedhelpfully.
‘Youknowthatwave,man,theperfectwavethat,like,won’tletyoufall?’
‘Sogladyou’rehappy.WheredoyouthinkKarlaandRannveiggotto?’
‘Justsmellthesefreshbeansupcloseonce,’Vinsonsaid,openingasack.‘They’resogood,you’llneverdrinkanothercupofcoffeeagain.’
‘Isthatyourslogan?’
‘No,man,oursloganisourname,man.Love&Faith,that’sthenameoftheplace,andthat’stheslogan.’
TherewasaninnocenceinVinsonthatRannveighadlost,whenherboyfriendhaddiedfromthesamedrugsVinsonunthinkinglysold.Andtheinnocenceshefoundagain,inhiswillingnesstochange,wasthetendertruthinthenamethey’dchosenfortheirbusiness,Love&Faith
‘Smellmybeans,’heinsisted.
‘Ah…I’mgood.’
‘Smellthem!’Vinsonsaidurgently,draggingadeadbodyofbeanstowardme.
‘I’mnotsmellingyourbeans,Vinson,nomatterhowColombiantheyare.Stopdraggingthatcarcass.’
Heshovedthebagagainstthewallagain,justasKarlaandRannveigcamebacktojoinus.
‘Hewon’tsmellmybeans,’Vinsoncomplained.
‘Hewon’t?’Karlascoffed.‘TheLinIknowisabeanfanatic.’
‘Stuartmadeaspecialblend,’Rannveigsaidproudly.‘Ithinkit’sthebestcoffeeIevertasted.’
‘I’vegotitintheotherroom,’Vinsonsaid,readytoleave.‘Youcansmellit,ifyoulike.’
‘I’mgood,’Isaidquickly.‘Icansmellitfromhere.’
‘Itoldyou,myEasterBunny,’Vinsonsaid,huggingRannveig.‘Peoplewillsmellourcoffeefromthestreetoutside,andthey’llbe,like,hypnotisedorsomething.’
‘Goodluck,guys,’Isaid,drawingKarlaoutoftherenovatedshop.
‘Openingisatfullmoon,’Rannveigsaid,mid-hug.‘Don’tforget.’
Onthestreet,weclimbedontothebike,butKarlastoppedmebeforeIcouldstarttheengine.
‘WhatdidyoufeelfromVinson?’sheasked,herarmonmyshoulder.
‘Wavesofbeans,’Isaid.‘WhatdidyoufeelfromRannveig?’
‘Didhetellyouwhatthey’recallingtheplace?’
‘Yeah.Love&Faith.Why?’
‘FarasIcansee,’Karlasaid,‘he’sthelove,andshe’sthefaith.’
Acarpulledupbesideus,blockingtheway.Itwasahearse,infact,withDennis,theNot-SleepingBaba,atthewheel.Concannonwasinthepassengerseat.BillyBhasuandJamal,theOneManShow,weresittingintheback,besideashopwindowmannequinlaidoutinwhatlookedlikeaclearplasticcoffin.
Concannonhadhiselbowonthewindow.
‘Wanted,’hesaid,grinningatKarla.‘Deadoralive.’
‘Move,’Isaid.
‘Hello,Karla,’Dennissaid.‘Sonicetomeetyou,awake.Didwemeet,whenIwasontheotherside?’
‘Hi,Dennis,’shelaughed,herarmaroundmyshoulder.‘Youwerecertainlyhigh,thefirsttimeIsawyou.Whatthehellareyoudoing?’
‘WearetestingthemovementsofSleepers,whiletheyaretransportedinasleepingchamber,’hesaidpatiently.‘Ihaveattachedsensitivestripstothemannequin.Theywillindicatebruises,ofvaryingdegree.Thatwillhelpustodeterminethemostcomfortableinnercushioningofthesleepingchamberswewillhavemadeforthem.’
‘You’remakingyourowncoffins?’Karlaasked.
‘Indeed,’hesaid,passingachillumtoConcannon.‘Wemustdoit.CurrentsleepingchambersforcetheSleeperstohavetheirlegspressedtogether.Oursleepingchamberswillhaveawiderstance.It’sveryimportantforthecomfortofSleepers.’
‘Isee,’Karlasmiled.
‘Theywillhavethesoftestsilklining,paddedwithfeathers,’Denniscontinued,hishandsonthesteeringwheel.‘Andtheywillbemadeofglass,sothattheSleeperscanhaveplants,smallanimalsandinsectsroamingaboutintheearth,allaroundthem,tokeepthemcompanywhiletheysleep.’
‘Nice,’Karlasmiled.
‘MayIpresentBillyBhasuandJamal,theOneManShow?’Dennissaid.‘Boys,thisisKarla-Madame.’
BillyBhasuwavedasmileatKarla,whileJamalwaggedhishead,janglingchainedgods.
Icouldn’thelpmyself.
‘OneManShow,’Isaid,noddingatJamal.
‘OneManShow,’herepeated.
IlookedatKarla,andsheunderstood.
‘OneManShow,’shesaid,smilingathim.
‘OneManShow,’Jamalrepliedoncue,smilingback.
IlookedatConcannon,wantinghimtoleave,buthewastalking,instead.
‘Thedeadcandance,youknow,’hesaidconversationally.
ImovedmyeyestoDennis,atthewheelofthehearse.
‘Areyousureyoushouldbedriving,Dennis?’Iasked,tryingtoshutConcannondown.
‘Imustdrive,’Dennisintoned,hisrumblingvoiceechoinginthehearse.‘Concannonisnotstonedenoughtodriveahearse.’
‘Thedeadcandance,’Concannonrepeated,smilinghappily.‘Theyreallycan,youknow.’
‘Youdon’tsay,’Karlasaid,leaningagainstme.
‘Idosay,’Concannongrinned.‘I’velearnedalotonthisjob.It’sbeenarealeducation.Iusuallywalkedaway,yousee,whiletheywerestilltwitchin’,andneverlookedback.’
‘Concannon,’Dennissaid.‘You’rekillingmyhigh,man.’
‘I’monlyhavin’aconversation,Dennis.Justbecausewe’reundertakers,doesn’tmeanwecan’tbesociable.’
‘True,’Dennissaid.‘Buthowdoyouexpectmetotest-drivethisnewhearse,ifI’mnothigh?’
‘I’monlysayin’,like,’Concannonpersisted.‘Theywrigglearound,deadbodies,longafterthey’regone,shakin’aboutonthetableallofasuddenlike.Onebodywehad,yesterday,dancedbetterthanIdo.ButIwasnevertheonefordancin’,truthbetold,whentherewasfightin’orkissin’tobehad.’
‘Lightthenextchillum,’Dennissaid,puttingthehearseintogear.‘Ifyoudon’tcareformyhigh,listentothemannequin.He’sscreamingforit.’
Theypulledaway,thesloganoftheircompanystreamingpastusslowlyonthelongwindowsofthehearse:PeaceInRest
‘Now,that’saninterestingteam.’
‘AmarriagemadeinLimbo,’Isaid.‘Butthemannequinseemedlikeaniceguy.’ChapterEighty-Eight
DivaDevnanicalledustoameetingathercorporateoffice.ItwasontheWorliSeaface,alongslowsmileofbuildingsbeamingattheseafromawide,curvedboulevard.Diva’sbuildingwasliketheupperdeckofanoceanliner,withtall,roundedwindowsinfullsail,andacontinuousbalconyservingastherail.
Whentheelevatordoorsclosed,IofferedKarlamyflask.Shetookaswig,andhandeditback.Theelevatoroperatorglancedatme.Iofferedhimtheflask,andhetookaswig,drippingtherumintohismouthwithouttouchingittohislips.Hepasseditback,wagginghishead.
‘Godblesseveryone,’hesaid.
‘Speakingforeveryone,’Karlasaid,‘Godblessyouback.’
Thedoorsopenedontoamarbleandglassprairie,withseveralveryprettygirlsinverytightskirtsgrazingatdesksofdistraction.
WhileKarlaspoketothereceptionist,Iwanderedamongtheglassandsteeldesks,glancingovershoulders.Thegirlswerelisteningtomusicontheirheadphones,playingvideogamesandreadingmagazines.
Oneofthegirlslookedupatmemid-flipinhermagazine.Sheturneddownthevolumeonherheadset.
‘CanIhelpyou?’shethreatened,hereyesfierce.
‘I’ll…youknow…I’lljustbeoverthere,’Isaid,backingaway.
ThereceptionisttookustoanalcovewithaviewofthedoortoDiva’soffice,wherewesatinplushchairs.Therewasasidetable,withbusinessnewspapersandmagazines,sodawaterinaglassjug,andsomepeanuts,offeredinabronzecastofahumanhand.
Thepalmofpeanutsdrewmyeyeaswesatdown.Ipointedatit,tryingtofigureoutthemessage.
‘Thisiswhatwe’regonnapayyou?’IwhisperedtoKarla.‘Ormaybe,thisiswhathappenedtothelastguywhoaskedforaraise?’
‘Beggarscan’tbechoosers,’Karlasaid.
‘Damngood,’Ismiled,myeyesapplauding.
Atall,prettygirlappearedatourside.
‘CanIgetyouacupofcoffee?’thegirlasked.
‘Maybelater,withDiva,’Karlasaid.‘Thanks.’
Thegirlleft,andIturnedtoKarla.
‘It’sprettyweird,outthereinreception.’
‘It’sstillamarbletileortwoshortofweird.’
‘No,Imeanthegirls.They’renotdoinganything.’
‘Whatdoyoumean,they’renotdoinganything?’
‘It’sajiveofinactivity.’
‘So?Maybeit’saslowday.’
‘Karla,comeon.Therearesevenveryprettygirlsoutthere,andnotoneofthemisdoinganything.It’skindaweird.’
‘It’skindaweirdthatyoucountedthem,’shesmiled.
‘I–’
ThedoortoDiva’sofficeopened.Itwasexactlyoneminutebeforeourmeeting.Agraspofbusinessmenfiledout,wearingsimilarsuitsandidenticalstaresofambition,fed.
‘Punctualityisthetimeofthieves,’Karlasaid,glancingattheclock,andstanding.
Divacametothedooroftheoffice,herhandsonherhips.
‘Comein,’shesaid,kissingKarlaonbothcheeks.‘I’vemissedyoubothsomuch.Thanksforcoming.’
Shefloppedintoanimmensechair,behindthecurveofablackgrandpianothatshe’dshortened,andconvertedintoadesk.
Aphotographofherfatherinasilverframerestedonthepiano-desk.Flowerstrailedoverthepicture,spillingyellowagainstlacqueredblack.Incenseburnedinatrayshapedlikeapeacock’stail.
Itwasabigroom,buttherewereonlytwochairsfacingherdesk.Allthoseblank-eyedbusinessmenhadstood,duringthemeetingwithDiva.Toughgirl,Ithought,andwhocanblameher?
‘Thatwassomething,’shesaid.‘CanIgetyouguysadrink?Godknows,Ineedone.’
Shepressedabuttononaconsole,andthedooropenedasecondlater.Averyprettygirlwalkedacrossthelargeroom,stalkingtheslipperyflooronhystericalheels.Shestoppedatthedeskwithaflourishofhershortskirt,longlegsstiff.
‘Martini,’Divasaid,‘IwantyoutomeetMissKarlaandMrShantaram.’
Karlawavedhello.Istood,putmyrighthandovermychest,andinclinedmyhead.It’sthemostpolitewaytogreetanywomaninIndia,becausemanywomendon’tliketoshakehands.Martiniinclinedherheadatme,andIsatdownagain.
‘I’llhaveaManhattan,’Divasaid.‘Whataboutyou,Karla?’
‘Twojiggersofvodkaovertwocubes,please.’
‘Alimesoda,forme.’
Martinispunonafifty-calibreheel,andstalkedawayslowly,agiraffeinaglasszoo.
‘Isupposeyou’rewonderingwhyIcalledyouhere,’Divasaid,givingmeadifferentwondering,becauseIwasn’t.
‘I’mwondering,’Karlasaid,‘butnotaboutthat.You’llgettothepointwhenit’ssharpenough,right?Howareyou,Diva?It’sbeenweeks.’
‘I’mgood,’shesmiled,straighteningupinthechairthatlookedlikehalfabedforhersmallframe.‘I’mtired,butI’vebeenworkingonthat.Isoldeverythingtoday.Justabouteverything.Thatwasthelast,inaverylonglineofmeetingsI’vehad,yesterdayandtoday.’
‘Soldeverythinghow?’Karlaasked.
‘Allthemenwhoactuallyrunthecompanies,inmyportfolios,havetranchesofsharesasbonuses.ItoldthemthatifIsoldmyportfolioinonehit,theirshareswouldbeworthless.Butiftheygavethesharesbacktome,theycouldtakethecompaniesandrunthemwiththeirownboards,andgivethemselvessweaty-palmbonuses,withoutspendingadollar,andIwouldresign.’
‘Smartmove,’Karlasaid.‘Asprincipalshareholder,youhaveanannualgeneralmeetingtouseagainstthem.Butyouskiptheday-to-day.It’slikegettingdrunkwithoutthehangover.’
‘Precisely,’Divasaid,asMartiniarrivedwiththedrinks.
‘Haveyougotajoint?’Divaasked.
‘Yes,’KarlaandMartinisaidatthesametime,turningtheirheadsinstantlytolookatoneanother.
Itlookedtense,tome.Butsilentstrugglesbetweenbeautifulwomenarefeminalmagician’stricks,fasterandsubtlerthanmaleeyesandinstinctscanfollow.Icouldn’tbesurewhatwasgoingon,soIsmiledateverybody.
Karlatookaslenderjointfromhercase,andpassedittoDiva.Martiniglowered,alllegsandnopockets,andwhirledaway,thefrillsofherskirtlikeacreaturedesignedbyareef.
‘Thanks,Karla,’Divasaid.‘I’mafreewoman,asofthisminute.Ifthesunwasdown,I’dbedrinkingchampagne.Icandrinkcocktailsallday,butwhenIstartonchampagnemyIQdropstwentypoints,andthat’sastupidityI’mkeepinginreserve,forlatertonight.Meanwhile,tofreedomforwomen!’
‘Freedomforwomen!’Karlatoasted.
Divawassilentforawhile.Karlabroughtherback.
‘Howbadwasit?’
‘Theyallwantedcontrol,’Divasaid,turningherdrinkinherhands.‘Theycouldn’tbeartoseeit,awomanincontrol,whenthey’dallhappilylickedaman’sboot.’
‘Theyletyouknow?’Karlaasked.
‘Isawitintheireyes,ateverymeeting.Andthewhisperingalwayscamebacktome,frommenwhobetrayedmen.Power,inmyhands,wasadeclarationofwartothem.Theseparasitesthatmyfatherletinfestthecompanies,thesemenwholookedtheotherwaywhenblackmoneyalmostruinedus,theystartedgettingnasty.Eventhreatening.YouknowwhatImean,Karla?’
‘Menlikethatyoucrush,oryouleavebehind,’Karlasaid.‘Youcould’vecrushedthem,Diva,becauseyourfatherleftyouthepowertodoit.Whyareyouwalkingaway?’
‘Mydadwasintoenergystocksinabigway.That’sallwe’vegotleft,whiletheconstructionbusinesspaysoffdebts,andthosestocksarestillpayingwell.Iwouldn’thavemadethosebetsonoilandcoal,buthedid,andhelockedmeontoawheelthatthousandsofpeoplearerunningon.Ican’tjustturnitoff.’
‘Soyou’restillinthegame?’Karlaasked.
‘I’msteppingout,butItoldthenewmanagersthatforeveryyeartheygetcleaner,andbetteratwhattheydo,theygetatrancheoftheirsharesback.’
‘Whatareyourplans?’Iasked.
‘Ikeptonecompany,andquarantineditfromthesale.Ikeptthecombinedmodellingagencyandbridalboutique,theoneItoldyouabout.Iaddedaweddingadviceservice,andI’verenamedit.I’mgoingtorunit.’
‘Ah,’Isaid,‘sothegirlsyou’vegotherearemodels,waitingforassignments.’
‘Youcouldsaythat,’Divareplied,turningtoKarla.‘Iknowit’sawhilesincewetalkedaboutthis,Karla,butIwashopingyou’restillinterested.I’dlovetohaveyourideasinthis.Whatdoyouthink?’
‘Ilikeditwhenitwasjustanidea,’shesaid.‘AndI’mhappytoseeyoumakeitreal.Countusin,foraslongaswe’rehereintown.Let’stalkaboutitnextweek,overdinneratourplace,okay?’
‘Yeah,’Divasaidvaguely,hereyesdriftingtothegarlandedphotographofherfather.
Weletherhavesometime,bothofuscontenttowaituntilhertranceended.
‘YouknowwhyIinsistedthateveryonecallmeDiva?’sheaskedafterawhile,stillstaringatthephotograph.‘Iwasinthebathroom,ataparty,andIheardwhatmyownfriendscalledme,behindmyback.TriviaDivya,theysaid.TriviaDivya.Andyouknowwhat?Theywereright.Iwas.Iwastrivial.SoIchangedmynametoDiva,thatnight,andmadeeverybodycallmethat.ButthisisthefirsttimethatI’vefeltuntrivial,ifthere’ssuchaword.’
‘Essentialistheword,Diva,’Karlasaid.
TheyoungheiressturnedherfacetoKarla’sandsmiled,laughingsoftly.
‘It’sallgood,’shesaid,standingfromherchairwithastretchandayawn.
Westoodwithher,andshewalkedustothetalldoorsofheroffice.
‘Sogladyou’refree,’Karlasaid,huggingherasweleft.‘Flyhigh,babybird.’
Weroamedfreeonthebike,atslowspeed,thinkingdifferentthoughts.Iwasthinkingofthepoorlittlerichgirl,who’dlivedinaslumandgivenawayafortune.Karlawasthinkingsomethingelse.
‘They’reallveryclassyex-callgirls,’shesaidovermyshoulder.
‘What?’
‘They’reallex-callgirls.’
‘Who?’
‘Theprettygirlsbackattheoffice,whoweredoingnothing,veryprettily.They’reallex-callgirls.Dominatrices,actually.Expertsinfetish.Divahiredthemforthefetishparty,butaftertheparty,offeredthemjobs.Theyallcame.They’renotmodellingforDiva.They’rerunningthemarriageandweddingagency.’
‘Theyshoulddofine,’Isaid.‘Whydidn’tyoutellme,whenIbroughtitup?’
‘Stopthebike,’shesaid,leaningawayfromme.
Ipulledintotheexitlane,nearabusstop.
‘Areyouseriouslyaskingme,’sheasked,herbreathonmyneck,‘whyIdidn’ttellyouthatweweregoingtoacarnivalofex-callgirls?’
‘Well…’
Iswungbackintothetrafficandrodeforawhile,butthenstoppedagain,becauseOlegwassittinginthemiddleoftheroaddivider,playingtheguitar.Wepulledupbesidehim.
‘Whatareyoudoing,Olezhka?’Karlaasked,smilingahandfulofqueens.
‘Playingguitar,Karla,’hegrinnedback,Russianly.
‘Seeyouround,Oleg,’Isaid,revvingtheengine.
Karlapressedafingergentlyonmyshoulder,andtheenginecooleddown.
‘Whyhere?’Karlaasked.
‘Theacousticsareperfect,’hesaid,smiling,deliberately.‘Theseabehindme,andthebuildings–’
‘Whatareyouplaying?’Karlaasked.
‘It’sasongcalled“LettheDayBegin”,byTheCall.Thisguy,MichaelBeen,he’slikeasaintofrockandroll.Ilovehim.CanIplayitforyou?’
‘Seeyouround,Olezhka,’Isaid,revvingagain.
‘Whydon’tyouhoponboard,’Karlasaid.
‘Really?’OlegandIsaidatthesametime.
‘We’lldropyouathome,’shesaid.‘We’reonourwaytoDongri.’
OlegclimbedupbehindKarla.Werodewithherlegswrappedaroundmeonthepetroltank.ShewasleaningagainstOleg,whohadhisguitarstrungonhisback.
Wecruisedpastagroupoftrafficcops,waitingatacrossingtobringdownazebraortwointhejunglestreet.
‘Vicarunaka,’IsaidinMarathi.Don’taskChapterEighty-Nine
Karlahadn’tvisitedtheperfumebazaarinDongri,oranywhereinthearea,sincethefireatKhaderbhai’smansion.Butshemixedherownperfume,andneededherspecialfragrances.Whenshefinallyfeltreadytofaceapageshe’dturnedwithoutreading,webecameathreadinthetightlywovencarpetoftraffictovisitherfavouriteshop,justoffMohammedAliRoad.
GreatAli,oneofthreecousin-brothersnamedAliinhisfamily,theothersbeingSadAliandConsiderateAli,welcomedusintohisshop,settlingusoncushions.
‘I’llpoursometea,KarlaMadame,’ConsiderateAlisaid.
‘Ithasbeensolong,’SadAlisaid.‘We’vemissedyou.’
‘Ihaveyourprivateselectionreadyforyou,KarlaMadame,’GreatAlisaid.
Wedranktea,whileKarlaexaminedherspecialessencesandlistenedtoastoryaboutarareperfume,carriedfromararecorneroftherarefiedworld.
Aswewereleaving,thelargeelderlymerchant,dressedinwhite,askedifhecouldinhaleKarla’sownperfume,butonce.Karlaobliged,extendingthefrondofherslenderwrist,thepalmofherhandfallinglikealeafintherain.
Theperfumetradersallinhaledseveraltimesprofessionally,andthenshooktheirheadsdoubtfully.
‘Oneofthesedays,’GreatAlisaid,asweleft,‘Iwilldiscoverthesecretofyourbouquet.’
‘Neversaydie,’Karlareplied.
Wewalkedthestreetagain,onthewaybacktothebike,Karla’ssmallvialsofpreciousscentsandoilsjinglingsoftlyinablackvelvetbag.Afterafewsteps,wesawtwomenweknewwellfromtheolddaysoftheKhaderbhaiCompany.Theycrossedtothefootpathnearus.
SalarandAzimwerestreetguys,who’dspentyearsonthelowesttierofCompanycondescension.Whilefavouredsonsdied,theysurvivedthereintheshallowslongenoughtofindhigherpositionsinthenewKhaledCompany,desperatetoreplaceitsfallensoldiers.
TheyworenewCompanyclothes,andfidgetedwiththeirnewgoldchainsandbracelets,stillfindingtherightplacetocarrytheburdenofobedience.
They’dknownKarlasincebeforemytimewiththeCompany,andlikedher.Theytoldherascary-funnygangsterstory,becausetheyknewshe’dlikeit.Shedid,andrespondedwithascary-funnybad-girlstory.Theylaughed,throwingtheirheadsback,theirgoldnecklacescatchingtheeveninglight.
‘Solong,guys,’Isaid.‘Allahhafiz.’
‘Whereyougoing?’Salarasked.
‘Backtothebike,onMohammedAliRoad.’
‘We’llwalkwithyou.There’sashortcut,throughhere.We’llshowyou.’
‘We’regoingthisway,’Isaid.‘Mightdosomemoreshopping.Allahhafiz.’
‘Khudahafiz,’Azimreplied,wavinggoodbye.
Ididn’twanttowalkanywherewithKhaledCompanymen,oranysoldiers,fromanyCompany.Ididn’twanttoreminisce.Ididn’tevenwanttoremember.
Forthethousandthtime,IthoughtaboutleavingtheIslandCitywithKarla,andsettingupsomewhereelseonaremotebeach.Youcan’tescapetheCompanyinthecity.TheCompanyisthecity.YoucanonlyescapetheCompanyinaplacewherethere’snothinglefttoown.
Wewalkedthroughthincrowds,andwewereabouttocrossthecobbledentrancetoasidealley,whenscreamsrippedsilkenpeace,andpeopleranpanickedfromtheentrancetothealleyway.
IglancedatKarla,wantingtobesomewhereelse.Webothknew,orsuspected,thatSalarandAzimmustbeinvolved.We’dknownthemforyears,butCompanystreetwarsweren’tmyproblemanymore,andIwasreadytoleave.
Karlawasn’t:sheurgedmeforward,andweedgedclosertolook.Amancamestaggeringoutofthealleyandstumbledintome.ItwasSalar.Hewasbloody,allover.He’dbeenstabbedseveraltimesinthechestandstomach.Hecollapsedagainstme,andIheldhiminmyarms.
IglancedpasthimandsawAzim,facedown,andpulsingthelastofhisbloodintothestonesofthealley.
‘I’llgetacab,’Karlasaid,dartingaway.
Salarliftedhishand,witheffort,andtuggedathisgoldneck-chainuntilitbroke.
‘Formysister,’hesaid,pressingitagainstme.
Iputthechaininmypocket,andtookafirmgriparoundhiswaist.
‘Ican’tletyouliedown,brother,’Isaid.‘IwishIcould,butI’llnevergetyouupagaininonepiece,ifIdo.Karla’sgotataxicoming.Holdon,man.’
‘I’mdonefor,Lin.Leaveme.Y’Allah,thepain!’
‘Idon’tknowhow,buttheymissedyourlungs,Salar.You’restillbreathingair.You’regonnamakeit,man.Justholdon.’
Karlaarrivedintwominutes,swingingthedoorofthetaxiopen.WebundledSalarintothebackwithme,whileKarlagaveinstructionsfromthefrontseat.
Idon’tknowhowmuchshepaidthetaxidriver,buthedidn’tblinkattheblood,andgotustoGTHospitalinrecordtime,drivingagainsttheflowoftraffic.
Atthehospitalentrance,orderliesandnursesputSalaronagurney,andwheeledhiminside.Istartedtogowiththemintothehospital,butKarlastoppedme.
‘Youcan’tgoanywherelookinglikethat,mylove,’shesaid.
TheshirtandT-shirtundermycut-offvestweresmotheredinblood.Itookthevestoff,butitonlymadethesplashofbloodacrossmyT-shirtlookworse.
‘Tohellwithit.We’vegottastaywithSalaruntiltheCompanygetshere.Theguyswhodidthismighttryagain,andwecan’tcallthecopstohelp.’
‘Justaminute,’Karlasaid.
Shestoppedalawyer,walkingtowardusbriskly,hiswhitecourt-collarstiffwithpresumptionsandhisclientpapersbunchedagainsthisarmtopreventescape.
‘I’llgiveyoutenthousandrupeesforyourjacket,’Karlasaid,wavingafanofnotes.
Thelawyerlookedatthemoney,squintedather,andstartedemptyingthepocketsofhisone-thousand-rupeejacket.Karladressedmewithcrossedlapels,andaturned-upcollar.Shecleanedthesmudgesoff,lickingherfingersandwipingthemovermyface.
‘Let’sgoseehowSalarisdoing,’shesaid,leadingmeintothehospital.
Wewaitedinacorridor,neartheoperatingtheatre.Blackandwhitetiles,beggingforapatternunsquared,metgrey-greenwallsshowinglow-tidemarksfromthehypnoticmopsoftiredcleaners.Functionisservantormaster,andwhereveritrules,sufferingsitsincorridorspurgedofconsideration.
‘Areyouokay,kid?’
‘I’mgood,’shesmiled.‘You?’
‘I’m–’
FouryoungKhaledCompanygangstersclampedalongthecorridor,pushingattitude.Theirleader,Faaz-Shah,wasahothead,andforsomereasonitgothotterwhenhesawme.
‘Whatthefuckareyoudoinghere?’hedemanded,stoppingafewpacesaway.
IstoodupinfrontofKarla,myhandonaknife.SheknewmostoftheoldergangstersintheCompany,butnotmanyoftheyoungvolcanoes.
‘Salaamaleikum,’Isaid.
Faaz-Shahhesitated,lookingforsomethinghecouldn’tfindinmyeyes.I’dfoughtbesidetwoofhisolderbrothers,inbattleswithothergangs.AndI’dfoughtbesideKhaled,theirnewleader.I’dneverfoughtbesideFaaz-Shah.
‘Waaleikumsalaam,’hesaidmoresoftly.‘WhathappenedtoSalar?Whyareyouhere?’
‘Whyweren’tyouhere?’Iasked.‘Howdidyouhearaboutit?’
‘Wehavepeopleinthehospital,’hesaid.‘Wehavepeopleeverywhere.’
‘Notinthealley,whereAzimandSalargotknifed.’
‘Azim?’
‘Hewasgone,bled-out,whenIsawhim.’
‘Wherewasthis?’
Theywerehardyounggangsters,thekindwhoalwaysfindabadmood,nomatterhowhardyoutrytohideit,andtheywereangry.Iwassafe,becauseIwastheguywhosimplydidtherightthing,andsoonerorlaterthey’dknowthat.Butnoneofthemweresafe,iftheygotangryenoughtogetmouthywithKarla.
‘Karla,’Isaid,smilingherwithme,‘canyoupleasefindoutifthere’ssometea,somewhere?’
‘Beapleasure,’shesaid,smilingbackmysteryasshewalkedpasttheyounggangsters.
‘Itwasthefirstopengully,onMohammedAli,’Isaid,whenKarlaleft.‘Comingfromtheperfumebazaar,headingbacktothecity.Imetthem,justbeforeithappened.’
‘Youwhat?’
‘Wewereinthebazaar,andweranacrossSalarandAzim.Wetalked,andwekeptwalking.Theytookashortcut,throughthealleys.Bythetimewewalkedaroundtotheopengully,itwasallover.Salarfellintomyarms.Someonewaswaitingforthem.’
Iopenedtheblackjacket,showingtheblood,andcloseditagain.Theywereabashed,asgangstersare,whentheyrealisethatthey’reinadebtofhonour.
‘Wegothimhereinataxi,’Isaid,sittingdown.‘We’vebeenwaiting,toseeifhe’sokay,aftersurgery.Youcanjoinus,ifyoulike.Karla’sbringingtea.’
‘We’vegotthingstodo,’Faaz-Shahsaid.
‘We’vealsobeenwaitingforsomeonefromtheCompanytositwithSalar.He’snotsafehere.Leaveamanwithhim,Faaz-Shah.’
‘IneedeverymanI’vegot.Andyou’rehere.You’restillloyaltotheCompany,aren’tyou?’
‘WhichCompanyisitnow?’
Helaughed,andthenstoppedhardonadifferentthought.
‘Ireallydoneedallmymentonight.He’sfamily,youknow.’
‘Salar?’
‘Yes.He’sanuncleofmine.Hisfamily’sontheway.I’dappreciateit,ifyou’dstayuntiltheygethere.’
‘Done.Andkeepthisforhim,’Isaid,pullingthechainfrommypocket.‘Hewantsittogotohissister,ifhedoesn’tmakeit.’
‘I’llgiveittoher.’
Heacceptedthechaingingerly,asifheexpectedittomoveinhishand,andthenscruncheditintoapocket.Helookedatme,hiseyesfloatingonreluctantshores.
‘Ioweyouonthis,Lin,’hesaid.
‘Youdon’t.’
‘Ido,’hesaid,clenchinghisteeth.
‘Okaythen,transferthedebttoMissKarla.Ifyoueverhearanythingthatmightharmher,warnheraboutit,orme,andwe’llbesquare.Okay?’
‘Okay,’hesaid.‘Khudahafiz.’
‘Allahhafiz,’Ireplied,watchingthemstampout,shieldsofrevengeintheireyes.
Iwasgladtobeout.Iwasgladtobecarryingthewounded,insteadofwoundingthem,Iguess,justasConcannonwasgladtobeburyingthem,insteadofkillingthem.Inthatgrey-greensilence,thesmellofdisinfectant,bleachedlinenandbittermedicinewassuddenlytoomedical,andmyheartwasbeatingfast.
Forafewseconds,emotionsrunningonhabithadstampedoutintothenightwithFaaz-Shahandtheothers,ridingtowarbeforeweknewitwasdeclared.Allthatfightandfearrushedbackintome,asifI’dalreadyfoughtabattle.AndthenIrealisedthatIdidn’thavetofightit.Notthistime.Noteveragain.ChapterNinety
IlookedupfrombrutalthoughtsandsawKarla,walkingtowardmeslowlydownthelonghospitalcorridor.Shehadamanwithher.Hewasacleaner,dressedintheworkingclothesofapeon,orsomeonewhodoesmenialwork.Karla’sfacewasbrilliantwithlight,hersmileasecret,waitingtobetold.
Shesatthemannexttome.
‘Youabsolutelyhavetomeetthisman,andhearhisstory,’Karlasaid.‘Dev,meetShantaram.Shantaram,meetDev.’
‘Namaste,’Isaid.‘Pleasedtomeetyou.’
‘Pleasetellhim,Dev,’Karlasaid,smilingatme.
‘Butitisnotaveryentertainingstory,anditissad.Perhapsanothertime.’
Hestartedtorisefromtheseat,butweeasedhimdowngentlyagain.
‘Please,Dev,’Karlaurged.‘Justtellhim,asyoutoldittome.’
‘ButIcouldlosemyjob,’hesaiduncertainly,‘ifIdon’treturntomyduties.’
‘Good,’Karlasaid.‘Because,whenweleavehere,you’recomingwithus.’
Helookedatme.Ismiledback.
‘Whatevershesays,’Isaid.
‘Ican’tdothat,’hesaid.‘Ihaveashifttofinish.’
‘Firstthestory,please,Dev,’Karlasaid.‘Thenwe’llfinishatthestart.’
‘Well,asIwastellingyouwhilewewerewaitingforthechai,’hebegan,lookingathishands.‘MynameisDev,andIamasadhu.’
Hisheadwasshaved,andheworenoamuletsorbracelets.Beyondhisuniform,hewasstrippedclean.Hewasaverysimple,leanman,withacaponhisheadandbarefeet.
Hisfacewasstrongerthantheman,though,andhiseyes,whenheraisedthem,stillburnedfiresonbeaches.
Shivasadhuscoverthemselveswithashesfromthecrematoria,talktoghosts,andsummondemons,evenifonlyintheirownminds.Thebodylanguagewassubmissive,butthefacewasindomitable.
‘Ihadlongdreadlocksonce,’hemused.‘They’reantennae,youknow,forpeoplewhosmoke.Ineverwentwithoutasmoke,withmydreads.Now,withshavedhead,nostrangerwillshareaglassofwaterwithme.’
‘Whydidyoushavethemoff,Dev?’Iasked.
‘Ishamedmyself,’hesaid.‘Iwasatthepeakofmypowers.LordShivawalkedstepbystepwithme.Snakescouldnotbiteme.Isleptwiththem,intheforest.Leopardsvisitedme,wakingmewithkisses.Scorpionslivedinmyhair,butneverstungme.Nomancouldlookintotheeyesofmypenancewithoutflinching.’
Hestopped,andlookedatme,hiseyesstillroamingwiththewild,andthedead
‘It’sgreed,youknow,’hesaid.‘Greedisthekey.Followthegreedtothesin.Iwasgreedyformorepower.Icursedaman,aforeigner,whochallengedmeonthestreet.Icursedhim,toldhimthathisricheswouldbringhimruin,andwhenIdidthat,everyoneofmypowersdrainedfrommelikerainonawindow.’
Thehairsonmyarmswerestandingup,andIlookedatKarla,sittingontheothersideoftheholy-man-cleaner.Shenodded.
‘Weretheretwoforeignersthatday?’Iasked.
‘Yes.Oneofthemwasverykind.AnEnglishman.Theotherwasveryrude,butIregretwhatIdid.IregretanyharmImayhavecausedhim.Iregretmybetrayalofmyownpenance.Itriedtofindtheman,butIcouldn’t,althoughIsearchedeverywhere,andIcouldn’tliftmyowncurse.’
‘Dev,’Karlasaid.‘Weknowthisman.Weknowthemanyoucursed.Wecantakeyouthere,tomeethim.’
Theshavensadhucrumpled,takingshortbreaths,andthenslowlysatuprightagain.
‘Isittrue?’
‘Yes,Dev,’Karlasaid.
‘Areyouokay,Dev?’Iasked,ahandonhisthinshoulder.
‘Yes,yes,’hesaid.‘Maa!Maa!’
‘Doyouwanttoliedownforawhile?’Iasked.
‘No,I’mfine.I’mfine.I’m…I…lostmyway,andIstarteddrinkingalcohol.Iwasn’tusedtoit.I’dneverhaditinmylife.Ididbadthings.Thenagreatsaintstoppedme,inthestreet,andtookmetohisKalitemple.’
Helookedupquickly,asifbreakingthesurfaceforair.
‘DoyoureallyknowthismanIcursed?’heasked,hisvoicetrembling.
‘Wedo,’Isaid.
‘Andwillheseeme?Willheallowmetoliftthecurse?’
‘Ithinkhewill,’Karlasaid,smiling.
‘TheysayMaaKaliisterrifying,’hesaidtome,hishandonmyarm.‘Butonlytohypocrites.Ifyourheartisinnocent,Shecannothelpbutloveyou.She’stheMotheroftheuniverse,andweareHerchildren.HowcouldShenotloveus,ifwemakeaplaceofinnocenceforHerinsideourselves?’
Hewassilent,breathinghardforamomentbeforehecalmedhimself,ahandonhisheart.
‘Areyousureyou’requitewell,Dev?’Karlaasked.
‘Iam,’hesaid.‘ThankstoMaa,I’mwell.It’sjustabitofashock.’
‘Howdidyoucometobehere,Dev?’Iasked.
‘Ishavedmyhead,andIcametothisplace,doingthemosthumblejobIcouldfind,servingthehelplessandafraid.Andnowmyquestionhasbeenanswered,becauseyoufoundmehere,tobringmetothisman.Please,takethis.’
Hehandedmealaminatedcardthatwasblankononeside,andhadadesignontheother.Islippeditintomyvestpocket.
‘Whatisit,Dev?’Karlaasked.
‘It’sayantra,’hereplied.‘Ifyoulookatitwithatruthfulheart,itwillclearthenegativefromyourmind,sothatyoucanmakewise,caringchoices.’
‘We’rewaitingfornewsofourfriend,’Isaid.‘Canwegetanythingforyou,Dev?’
‘I’mveryfine,’hesaid,sittingbackagainstthebench.‘AmIreallyresigningfrommyjob?’
‘Itwouldseemso,Dev,’Karlasaid.
Salar’srelativesarrived,escortedbytwoCompanymen,andthenewscamethroughthatSalarwasgoingtolive.
WetookDev,thepenitentholyman,tothepenthouseflooroftheMaheshhotel.WewatchedScorpiofalltohisknees,andthesadhufallwithhim,andweturnedandwentbacktotheelevator.
‘Youknow,’shesaid,aswewaited.‘ThismightbejustthethingtogiveGemini’simmunesystemajolt.’
‘Itjustmight,’Isaid,astheelevatorpinged.
‘Iknowwherewe’regoing,’Karlasaid,passingtheflaskbacktomeonthewaydown.
‘Youthinkyou’resosmart,’Isaid,pullingthelawyer’sblackjacketaroundmyblood-stainedshirt.
‘We’regoingtogetyourbike,’shesaid.‘She’sstillonMohammedAliRoad,andyoucaremoreaboutherthanyoudoaboutgettingcleanedup.’
Shewassosmart,andremindedmefromtimetotimeontheridebacktotheAmritsarhotel.Myhappilyrescuedbikehummedmachinemantrasallthewayhome.
Whenwetumbledintoherrooms,Karlafreshenedup,andleftthebathroomforme
Iemptiedmypocketsontothewideporcelainbenchbeneaththemirror.Themoneyinmypocketswasstainedwithblood.Mykeyswerered,andthecoinsIspilledonthebenchwerediscoloured,asifhavingbeeninawishingfountaintoolong
Iputtheknivesandscabbardsonthebench,droppedthelawyer’ssuitjacketonthefloor,andletthebloodyshirtslideoffmyjustasbloodyT-shirt.
AsItosseditaway,InoticedthecardthatDevhadgivenme.Ipickeditup,andplaceditonthebench.Ilookedintothemirrorforthefirsttime,meetingmyselflikeastrangerinameadow.
Ilookedawayfrommyownstare,andtriedtoforgetwhatIcouldn’tstopthinking.
TheT-shirtwasagiftfromKarla.Oneofherartistprotégéeshadmadeit,copyingtheknife-workofanartistknownforbitingthecanvasthatfeedshim.
Therewereslashes,ripsandtearsalloverthefront.Karlalikedit,Ithink,becauseshelikedtheartistwhomadeit.Ilikedit,becauseitwasincomplete,andunique.
Ipulleditoffcarefully,hopingtosoakthebloodfromit,butwhenIlookedintothemirror,Iletitfallintothesink.
TheT-shirthadleftamarkinbloodonmychest.Itwasatriangle,upsidedown,withstar-shapesaroundit.IlookedatthecardthatDevhadgivenme.Itwasalmostthesamedesign.
India.
Iletthecardfallfrommyfingers,andstaredintowhatI’dletmyselfbecome.Ilookedatthedesignonmychest.Iaskedthequestionweallasksoonerorlater,ifwestayinIndialongenough.
Whatdoyouwantfromme,India?Whatdoyouwantfromme,India?Whatdoyouwantfromme?
Myheartwasbreakingonawheelofcoincidence,eachfoolishaccidentmoresignificantthanthenext.Ifyoulookatitwithatruthfulheart,thesadhusaidwhenhegavemethecard.Wise,caringchoices
Iescapedfromaprison,whereIhadnochoice,andcutmylifedowntoasinglechoice,everywhere,witheveryonebutKarla:stay,orgo.
Whatdoyouwantfromme,India?
Whatdidtheblood-designmean?Ifitwasamessage,writteninanotherman’sblood,wasitawarning?OrwasitoneofthoseaffirmationsthatIdrisstalkedabout?WasIgoingmad,askingthequestion,andsearchingforasignificancethatcouldn’texist?
Istumbledintotheshower,watchingredwaterrunintothedrain.Thewaterrancleanatlast,andIturneditoff,butleanedagainstthewall,mypalmsflatagainstthetiles,myheaddown.
Wasitamessage?Iheardmyselfaskingwithoutasking.Amessageinbloodonmychest?
Myknivesclatteredoffthebenchontothetiledfloor,startlingme.Isteppedoutoftheshowertopickuptheknives,andslippedonthewetfloor.ClutchingattheknivesasIsteadiedmyself,Icuttheinsideofmyhand.
Iputtheknivesdown,andcutmyselfagain.Ihadn’tcutmyselfwiththoseknivesinayearofpractice.Bloodranintothebasin,spillingontothecardI’ddropped.Iscoopedthecardoutofthebasin,anddrieditoff.
Iranmyhandunderthecoldtap,andusedatoweltopressthecutsclosed.Icleanedmyknivesandputthemawaysafely.AndIstaredatthecard,andintothemirror,forquiteawhile.
IfoundKarlaonthebalcony,athinbluerobeoverhershoulders.Iwantedtoseeherlikethateveryday,fortherestofmylife,butIhadtogoout.Ihadsomethingtodo.
‘Wegottagooutagain,’Isaid.‘I’vegotsomethingIhavetodo.’
‘Amystery!Hey,speakingof,isthatabandageonyourhand?’
‘It’snothing,’Isaid.‘Areyouupforanotherride?Thesunwillbeupsoon.’
‘I’llbereadybeforeyouare,’shesaid,slippingofftherobe.‘Ihopeyouhaven’tgotanythingscaryinmind.’
‘No.’
‘It’sjustfindingDevforScorpioandGemini,bytakingSalartothehospital,bybeingintheperfumebazaar,Ithinkwe’veusedupourquotaofkarmiccoincidence,Shantaram.Weshouldn’tpushourluck.’
‘Nothingscary,Ipromise,’Isaid.‘Unsettling,maybe.Butnotscary.’
BythetimewereachedtheshrineatHajiAli,pearlbannersannouncedtheSun,thesky-king,wakingdevotion.Earlypilgrims,pleadersandpenitentswereonthepathtotheshrine.Beggarswithnoarmsorlegs,arrangedinaringbytheirattendants,chantedthenamesofAllah,aspassers-byputcoinsornotesintheircircleofnecessity.
Childrenvisitingtheshrineforthefirsttimeworetheirbestclothes:theboysinsweatingsuits,copiedfrommoviestars,thegirlswiththeirhairpulledfiercelyintodecoratedtrapsatthebackoftheirheads.
Istoppedus,halfwaytotheshrine,halfwaytothesleepingsaint.
‘Thisisit,’Isaid.
‘You’renotgoingtopraytoday?’
‘Not…today,’Isaid,lookingleftandrightatthepeoplepassingby.
‘So,whatareyougoingtodo?’
Therewasapauseintheflowofpeople,andwewerealoneforafewseconds.Ipulledmyknivesfromtheirscabbardsandthrewthemintothesea,oneatatime
Karlawatchedthekniveswhirlthroughtheair.ItwasthebestwhirlingIeverdid,itseemedtome,beforetheywhirledintovanishingsea.
Westoodforawhile,watchingthewaves.
‘Whathappened,Shantaram?’
‘I’mnotsure.’
IhandedherthecardwiththeyantradesignthatDevhadgiventome.
‘WhenItookmyshirtoff,thatdesignwasonmychest.Itwasalmostexactlythesame,paintedonmeinSalar’sblood.’
‘Youthinkit’sasign?’sheasked.‘Isthatit?’
‘Idon’tknow.I…Iwasaskingmyselfthatsamequestion,andthenIcutmyhandonmyknife.Ijust…IthinkI’mdonewiththis.It’sweird.I’mnotthereligioustype.’
‘Butyouarethespiritualtype.’
‘I’mnot.I’mreallynot,Karla.’
‘Youare,andyoujustdon’tknowit.That’soneofthethingsIlovemostaboutyou.’
Weweresilentagainforawhile,listeningtothewaves:thesoundthatwindmakes,surfingthroughtrees.
‘IfyouthinkI’mthrowingmyguninthere,’shesaid,breakingthesilence,‘you’recrazy.’
‘Keepyourgun,’Ilaughed.‘Me,I’mdone.IfIcan’tfixitwithmyhands,fromnowon,thenIprobablydeservewhat’scoming.Andanyway,you’vegotagun,andwe’realwaystogether.’
Shewantedthelongwayhome,eventhoughwewerestamp-foottired,andshegotit.
Whenwe’driddenlongenoughwithhernewunderstandingofaslightlydifferentme,wereturnedtotheAmritsar,andshoweredoffthelastdustofdoubt.Ifoundhersmokingajointonthesamebalconywe’dleft,anhourbefore,inthesamebluerobe.
‘Youcould’vehitafishontheheadwithoneofthoseknives,’shesaid.‘Whenyouthrewtheminthesea.’
‘Fisharelikeyou,baby.They’reprettyquick.’
‘Whatyoudidbefore,withtheknives.Didyoumeanit?’
‘Imeantotry.’
‘ThenI’minitwithyou,’shesaid,kissingmyface.‘Alltheway.’
‘EvenifittakesusoutofBombay?’
‘EspeciallyifittakesusoutofBombay.’
Shedrewthecurtainstohidetheday,andslippedoffherrobetotryoutthemirrorfromAhmed’sOldHouseofStyle.Theybothlookedgood.Sheputsomefunkonhermusicsystemandfunkedatme,allmermaidarmsandhips.Iheldher.Sheputherhandsaroundmyneck,andswayedinfrontofme.
‘Let’sgoalittlenuts,’shesaid.‘Ithinkwedeserveit.’ChapterNinety-One
Loveandfaith,likehopeandjustice,areconstellationsintheinfinityoftruth.Andtheyalwayspullacrowd.SomanyexcitedcoffeedevoteescrowdedintotheLove&FaithcaféonitsopeningnightthatRannveigcalledandtoldustocomealittlelater,becauseloveandfaithalonecouldn’tguaranteeaplace.
WefoundDidieratLeo’s,happilyinsultedbytwowaitersatthesametime,andgivingtheservicethathegot.Leopold’swassit-downjumping.Peoplelaughedatanythingandshoutedatnothingwithhappydetermination.Itlookedlikefun,butwehadsomewheretogo.
‘Justonedrink,’Didierpleaded.‘Love&Faithhasnoalcohol.Haveyoueverheardofsuchathing?’
‘Onedrink,’Karlasaid,sittingbesidehim.‘Andnotamood-fluctuationmore.’
‘Waiter!’Didiercalled.
‘Youthinkyou’retheonlycustomerwhoevergotthirstyinthisplace?’Sweetieasked,flickingaragatthetable.
‘Bringalcohol,youfool!’Didiersnapped.‘Ihaveacurfew.’
‘AndIhavealife,’Sweetiesaid,slouchingaway.
‘Gottagiveyoucredit,Didier,’Isaid.‘Yougotthingsbacktonormal.I’veneverseenSweetiesurlier.’
‘Whatiscredit,’Didierpreened,‘butsomethingyouhavetogiveback,withinterest.’
‘Lin’sunarmed,Didier,andnakedtotheworld,’Karlasaid.‘Hethrewhisknivesintotheseathismorning.’
‘Theseawillthrowthembackagain,’Didiersaid.‘Theseacan’tgetoveritthatwecrawledontotheland.Markmywords,Lin.Theseaisajealouswoman,withoutthecharmingpersonality.’
Amanapproachedourtablecarryingaparcel.ItwasVikrant,theknife-maker,andforasecondIfeltatwingeofguiltthathissuperblymadeinstruments,myknives,wereonthebottomofashallowsea.
‘Hi,Karla,’hesaid.‘I’vebeenlookingforyou,Lin.Yourswordisfinished.’
Heunwrappedthecalicoparcel,revealingKhaderbhai’ssword.Ithadbeenrepairedwithgoldrivets,andthey’dbeenmouldedintotheeyesoftwodragons,meetingatthetail.
Itwasbeautifulwork,butitwasapainfulthingtorememberthesword.I’dforgottenit,intheyearofmountainsandburningmansions,anditshamedmetoknowthatIhad.
‘Irestmycase,’Didiersaid.‘Theseaisajealouswoman.Didierisneverwrong.’
‘Youcantaketheboyfromthesword,’Karlasaid,‘butyoucan’ttaketheswordfromtheboy.’
‘It’sbeautifulwork,’Isaid.‘HowmuchdoIoweyou,Vikrant?’
‘Thatwasatruelabouroflove,’hesaid,movingaway.‘It’sonme.Don’tkillanyonewithit.Bye,Karla.’
‘Bye,Vikrant.’
Thedrinksarrived,andwewereabouttotoast,butIstoppeduswitharaisedhand.
‘Takealookatthatgirloverthere,’Isaid.
‘Lin,itishardlygallanttoremarkonanotherwoman,whenawomanisinyour–’
‘Justtakeagoodlookather,Didier.’
‘Doyouthinkit’sher?’Karlaasked.
‘Oh,yeah.’
‘Who?’Didierdemanded.
‘Karlesha,’Karlasaid.‘It’sOleg’sKarlesha.’
‘Isitreally!’
ThegirlwastallandlookedalittlelikeKarla,withblackhairandpalegreeneyes.Shewaswearingskin-tightblackjeans,ablackmotorcycleshirtandcowboyboots.
‘Karlesha,’Karlamuttered.‘Notbadstyle.’
‘Sweetie,’Icalled,andthewaitershuffledovertome.‘HaveyoustillgotthatpictureOleggaveyou?’
Hescrapedthroughhispocketspetulantly,andproducedawrinkledphoto.Wehelditupagainstthefaceofthegirl,sittingfivetablesaway.
‘CallOleg,andgetyourreward,’Isaid.‘That’sthegirlhe’sbeenwaitingfor,overthere.’
Hegoggledatthephotographforawhile,lookedatthegirl,andscurriedawaytothephone.
‘Areweaboutdone?’Iasked.
‘Youdon’twanttostay,andseeOlegandKarleshareunited?’Karlateased.
‘I’mtiredofbeingFate’sunwillingaccomplice,’Isaid.
‘Imustseethereunion,’Didiersaid.‘AndIwillnotmovefromthisspotuntilIhavewitnesseditwithmyowneyes.’
‘Okay,’Isaid,readytoleave.
Amanapproachedourtable.Hewasshort,thin,dark-skinnedandconfident.
‘Excuseme,’hesaid,‘areyoutheonetheycallShantaram?’
‘Whowantstoknow?’Didiersnapped.
‘MynameisTateef,andIhavesomethingtodiscusswithMrShantaram.’
‘Discussaway,’Karlasaid,wavingahandatme.
‘Ihearyouareamanwhowilldoanythingformoney,’Tateefsaid.
‘That’samightyoffensivethingtosay,Tateef,’Karlasaid,smiling.
‘Itcertainlyis,’Didieragreed.‘Howmuchmoney?’
Iheldupmyhandtostoptheauction.
‘We’vegotanappointment,Tateef,’Isaid.‘Comebackatthree,tomorrow.We’lltalk.’
‘Thankyou,’hesaid.‘Goodnighttoall.’
Heslippedbetweenthetables,andoutintothestreet.
‘Youdon’tevenknowwhathehasinmind,this,this,Tateef,’Didierwarned.
‘Ilikedthelookofhim.Didn’tyou?’
‘Idid,’Karlasaid.‘AndIthinkwe’regonnaseehimagain.’
‘Certainlynot,’Didierpuffed.‘Didyounotseehisshoes?’
‘Ofcourse,’Isaid.‘Militaryhalf-boot,whiteonthesideswithsalt,andontheedgesofhisjacket.Myguessisthathe’sspentalotoftimeatsea,recently.’
‘Imeanthestyle,Lin,’Didiersighed.‘Theywerehideous.Ihaveseentaxidermywithmorestyle.’
‘Bye,Didier,’Karlasaid,standing.‘Seeyouattheopening.’
KarlaandIrodebesidethecrowdednightcauseway,andfoundabiggercrowdafewblocksawayattheopeningoftheLove&Faithcoffeeshop,spillingontothefootpathandasplashoftheroad.Weparkedthebikeoutside,andsatthereforawhile.
Thesignoverthedoor,showingsymbolsfromallfaithsandwritteninHindi,MarathiandEnglish,waslitwithacircleofwhitemagnolialights.
Acrimsonhalooffrangipanilightsframedthestreetwindow,showingcustomersinsidedrinkingespresso,whileVinsonandRannveigworkedtheItaliancoffeemachine,steamrisingindustrially.
Therewerethreeemptystoolsinthecurvedcounteroffifteen.Rannveighadreservedthemforus,butIwasn’tready,yet,togointothatcornerofaffectionthey’dcreated.
MythoughtswereofagirlfromNorway,seeninalocketonehour,andseenstandinginFate’sshadowanhourlater.Ilookedather,smilinginloveandfaith’swindow,alreadyinherownforever.Vinsonexchangedaquickglancewithher,smiledquickly,andtalkedhappilytoacustomer.
Ididn’twanttogoinside.Therewasapurityinthethingthey’dbecometogetherthatIdidn’twanttodisturb.
‘I’mstayinghere,foraminute,’Isaid,standingbesidethebike.‘Youcangoahead.I’llbethereinaminute.’
‘Alwaystogether,’Karlasaid,sittingonthebikeagain,andlightingajoint
Didierjoinedus,acalminghandagainsthisbreathlesschest.
‘Whathappened?’Karlaasked.
Didierheldahandouttostopher,regaininghisbreath.
‘Is…is…ismyplacestillreserved,inside?’Didiergasped.
‘Frontandcentre,’Isaid.‘Whathappened,withOlegandKarlesha?’
‘Olegraninside,’Didierreplied,hisheartslowingtomedicatedlevelsagain,‘andhejustpickedherup,likeasackofonions,andwalkedoutwithherintothenight.’
‘Youdidn’tfollowthem?’Karlaasked,laughing.
‘Ofcourse,’Didiersaid.‘DidierisadetectiveoftheLostLoveBureau,afterall.’
‘Wheredidtheygo?’Iasked.
‘Hedisappeared,’Didierhissed,‘inRandall’slimousine.Heisexasperating,thatRandall.’
‘Inthenicestpossibleways,’Karlasaid.
‘Areyounotgoinginside?’Didierasked,lookingatthecrowdlaughinginthenewcafé.
‘We’regonnasithereforawhile,’Karlasaid.‘Goahead,Didier.Classthejointup.’
‘ThenitisDidierwhomustraisetheflagforloveandfaith,’hesaid,drapinghisscarfoverhisshoulder.‘Weliveintheageofopeningyourmouthaswideasyoucan.Watchme,asIscreamandshoutforus.’
Hestraightenedhisjacket,crossedthefootpathandembracedhiswayinside.Hesatbesideayoungbusinessman,stumblingintothehandsomevictimashesat.Thebusinessmanlikedit,andbegantalkingbrightly.
Wesatdownandwewatchedthebustling,successfulopeningforawhileinsilence,andthenKarlaleanedagainstme.
‘Ilikebike-talk,’shesaid.‘Evenwhenwe’residebyside.’
‘SodoI.’
‘YouwannaknowwhoKavitaSingh’snewsilentpartneris?’sheaskedsoftly.
‘Willitscareme?’
‘Probably,’shereplied.
‘Good.Tellme.’
‘MadameZhou,’Karlasaid.
‘Howdidthathappen?’
‘MadameZhouwantedtoblackmailherformerclients,andmakeacomebackasapowerbrokerinBombay.Fate,withalittlehelp,broughthertoKavita.Zhouhasabook,witharecordofeverycustomersheeverhad,andeverysexualpreference.I’dliketoreadit,actually,whenthey’redonewithit.’
‘WhydidZhoucometoKavitaforhelp?’
‘Iputtheideainherhead.’
‘How?’
‘Youwantalltheanswers,don’tyou?’
‘Iwantalltheeverything,whenitcomestoyou,’Ilaughed.
‘Iknewaboutthebook,andIknewshewasweakened,withoutthePalace,butstillambitious.Ialsoknewthenameofhermostloyalpatron.He’sabusinessman,andIboughthisbusiness.Inexchange,hesuggestedthattheidealpersontobrokertheblackmailringwasKavitaSingh.That’swhenMadameZhoustartedgettinginterestedinKavita.’
‘Andwhenthetwinswerekilled,shewenttoKavitaforhelp.’
‘JustasI’dhopedshewould.Vicesliveinhabits,andhabitsmakepeoplepredictable.’
‘WhatdoesKavitagetoutofit?’
‘Apartfromthesex?’
‘Please,Karla,don’t–’
‘I’mkidding.ItoldKavita,sixweeksago,thatitwasMadameZhouwhokilledherboyfriend.Herfiancée,actually.HeobjectedtoMadameZhou’sbriberyofofficials,inhisarea.Hewasgettingafollowing.Shekilledhimforit.’
‘Howdidyouknowwhodidit?’
‘Doyoureallywannaknow?’
‘Well,I…’
‘ItwasLisa.’
‘Okay,Lisa?Howdidsheknow?’
‘ShewasworkingforMadameZhouatthetime,atthePalaceofHappy.ItwasbeforeIgotheroutofthere.’
‘Andburnedtheplacedown.’
‘Andburnedtheplacedown.Lisacouldn’ttellKavitawhatsheknew,soshetoldme.’
‘Whycouldn’tLisatellKavita?’
‘YouknowhowLisawas.Shecouldn’ttalktoanyoneshewashavingsexwith.’
‘I’mbeginningtothinkyouknewherbetterthanIdid.’
‘No,’shesaid,smilingsoftly.‘Butwedidhaveanunderstandingaboutyou.’
‘Shesaidsomethingtomeaboutthat.HowshemetyouatKayani’s,andtalkedaboutus.’
Shelaughedgently.
‘Youreallywannaknowwhathappened?’
‘Again,withthereallywannaknow?’Ismiled.
‘Ikepttabsonyou,fromthemomentyouwalkedawayfromme.Atfirst,Iwashappyforyou,becauseyouseemedtobehappywithLisa.ButIknewLisa,andIknewshe’dmessitup.’
‘Waitaminute.Youwerecheckingonme,fortwoyears?’
‘Ofcourse.Iloveyou.’
Soclear,solight:trustinahumaneye.
‘Howdoesthis…’Ibegan,recollectingmyself,‘connecttoyourlittleunderstandingwithLisa?’
Shesmiled,sadly.
‘IheardthatLisawasbacktoherwickedways,andwasrunningaroundonyou,alot,andthatyoudidn’tknowaboutit.’
‘Ididn’taskaboutit.’
‘Iknowthat,’shesaid.‘Buteveryonewastalkingaboutit.Everyoneexceptyou.’
‘Itdoesn’tmatter.Itdidn’tmatter.’
‘Itwasn’tright,becauseyou’rebetterthanthat,andyoudeservebetterthanthat.So,Iwalkedupbehindheroneday,atherfavouritedressshop,andtappedherontheshoulder.’
‘Andwhatdidyousaytoher?’
‘Itoldhertotellyouexactlywhatshewasdoing,andletyoudecideifyouwantedtostay,ortostopsluttingaround.’
‘Sluttingaround?That’sprettyharsh.’
‘Harsh?Therewasn’tamanorawomansafeatthatartgallery,includingthecustomers.Icouldhavecaredless,exceptthatshewasdoingittoyou.’
‘Andyoumadesomekindofagreementwithher?’
‘Notthen.Igaveherachance.Ilovedher.Youknowhoweasyitwastoloveher,whenyouwerelookingather.Butshedidn’tchange.SoIsatdownwithheratKayani’sandtoldherthatIloveyou,andIdidn’twanthertohurtyouanymore.’
‘Whatdidshesay?’
‘Sheagreedtoletyougo.Shewasn’tinlovewithyou,butshewasdeepinlikewithyou.Shesaidshewantedtodoitapieceatatime,andnotjustdisappearinacoldbreak.’
‘Youbrokeusup,Lisaandme?’Iasked,disturbedbyagustoftruth.‘Isthatwhathappened?’
‘Notexactly,’shesighed.‘Icanseeherface,whenIfoundher,onthebed.IrememberwhatIsaidtoher.Ifyoudon’ttellthetruth,andyoukeeponhurtinghim,I’llstopyou.’
‘Andyoumeantit?Eventhoughyoulovedher?’
‘EverydinneryouwenttowithLisainthatlastyear,’shesaidquietly,‘youwerediningwithherlovers,husbandandwifeboth,sometimes,andyouweretheonlyoneatthetablewhodidn’tknowit.I’msorry.’
‘Shewasoutalot,andIneveraskedher.Iwasawayalot,andIcouldn’ttellherwhereI’dbeen,orwhatI’dbeensmuggling.Shewasintrouble,andIdidn’trealiseit.’
‘Shewasn’tintrouble,shewastrouble.WhensheagreedtostopmessingwithyouthatdayatKayani’s,shemadeapassatme.’
‘Shedid?’Ilaughed.
‘Hell,yeah.ShewasLisa.Beautiful,crazyandpopular.’
‘Thatshewas.’
‘Youknow,atfirstIthoughtyouwerena?ve.Butyou’renot.You’retrusting,andIlovethataboutyou.Ilovebeingtrusted.Trustisthesoul’sdrugofchoice.Itmeantsomuchtomethatyoudidn’tgiveuponme.Itmeantmoretomethatwediditapartontrust,thanifwe’ddoneittogether.DoyouknowwhatImean?’
‘IthinkIdo.Butwe’reinittogetherfromnowon,Karla.’
‘Inittogetherfromnowon,’sherepeated,leaningagainstme.
‘Youreallywatchedoutforme,allthattime?’
‘Idid.Andyouneverleftthecity,asyousaidyoumight.’
‘Icouldn’t.Notwhileyouwerestillhere.’
InfrontofuspeoplewerelaughingandjokingonthefootpathoutsideLove&Faith.Iscannedthestreetforthreats,takingineverypickpocket,drugdealerandracketeerworkingtheedgesoftheherd.Itwasokay:illicitlyquiet.
‘YounevertoldanyonewhatLisasaid,thatMadameZhouorderedthekilling?’
‘Ikeptthesecrettomyself,untilthetimewasright.NowKavitaknows,andshe’llkeepMadameZhouclose,untilshehasthebook.Thenshe’llintroduceMadameZhoutoherlittlefriend,karma.’
MadameZhouandKavita?Itseemedtomelikeadouble-headedcoin,fixedtohurtsomeonenomatterhowitlanded.
‘Letmegetthisstraight:MadameZhoudoesn’tknowthatKavitaisthefiancéeofaguyshekilled,what,fouryearsago?’
‘That’sright.KavitaSinghisn’therrealname.ShewasinLondon,freelancing,whenherboyfriendwaskilled.Shecameback,usedabylinename,andworkedforRanjit.Shealwayshopedtofindoutwhathappenedtoherboyfriendoneday,workingasajournalist.IwaiteduntilKavitawasstrongenoughtoconfrontanddefeatMadameZhou,andgetawaywithit.Ibuiltherup,andgaveherpower.Andthen,thedayshewaswaitingforcameknocking,andItoldher.’
‘So,Kavita’swatchingMadameZhou,who’susinghertoshakedownpeopleinthebooktogetbackthepowershelost,andwhenKavitagetsthebook,she’llgetridofMadameZhou?’
‘That’sit.Chess,playedbydangerouswomen.’
‘HowlongtillKavitagetsthatbook?’
‘Notlong.’
‘WillKavitausethebook,onceshegetsit?’
‘Oh,yeah,’Karlalaughed.‘Makingocean-goingvesselsofchange.’
‘Idon’tknowwhichoneofthemisscarier,KavitaorMadameZhou.’
‘ItoldyouthatyoumisjudgedKavita,’shesaid.
‘Idon’tjudgeanyone.Iwantaworldwithoutstones,orpeopletothrowthemat.’
‘Iknowthat,’shelaughed.
‘What’ssofunny?’
‘SomethingDidiersaid,aboutyou.’
‘What?’
‘Linhasagoodheart,whichisinexcusable.’
‘Thankyou,Ithink.’
‘Youwannaknowwho’sgotthethirdoffice,downstairs?’
‘Thisiscertainlyanightforrevelations.You’reenjoyingthis,aren’tyou?’
‘Absolutely,’shesaid.‘Youwannaknowwho’sbehinddoornumberthree,ordon’tya?’
‘OfcourseIdo.Iwannaseethetunnel,whichIstillhaven’tseen.’
‘Youwon’tsignthenon-disclosureagreement.’
‘Everytimeyousignalegaldocument,Fatetakesadayoff.’
‘It’sJohnnyCigar,’shesaid.
‘Inroomnumberthree?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Whenwillyoustopstealingmycharacters?You’vegothalfanovelattheAmritsar,andIhaven’tevenwrittenityet.’
‘Johnny’sstartingarealestatebusiness,’shesaid,ignoringmeadorably.‘He’sspecialisinginslumrelocation.’
‘Herecomestheneighbourhood.’
‘Ifinancedhim,’shesaid.‘WiththelastofRanjit’sbaptismmoney.’
IthoughtforawhileaboutthemultiplyingménageattheAmritsarhotel.
‘EvenwithKarleshaback,’Isaid,‘Oleg’snotleaving,ishe?’
‘Ihopenot,’shesmiled.‘Andsodoyou.Youlikethatguy.’
‘Idolikehim.AndI’dlikehimbetteronedegreelesschirpy.’
‘IsNaveencomingtonight?’
‘He’sworkingonacase,forDiva.Onewayoranother,thatgirlmanagestokeepNaveenbusy,andclose.’
‘Youthinkthey’llgettogether?’
‘Idon’tknow,’Ireplied,tryingnottohopeforsomethingIwasn’tsuretheywanted.‘ButIknowNaveenwillnevergiveuponDiva.Nomatterwhathesays,he’scrazyabouther.AndifyouputanIndianandanIrishmantogether,likehim,yougetaguywhocan’tgiveuponlove.’
CustomersofLove&Faithgatheredonthefootpath,holdingupT-shirts,andoccasionallyexchangingthem.
‘What’sthatabout?’
‘RemembertheT-shirtversionofwhatIdrisswassaying?TheonethatwegaveVinson?’
‘Yeah.’
‘VinsonandRannveigusedRandall’snotes,fromwhatIdrisssaid,andtheyputhisquotesonT-shirts.They’regivingthemawayasopening-nightgifts.’
Ayoungman,notfarfromus,washoldingaT-shirtuptoreadit.Ireaditwithhim,overhisshoulder.
Aheart
filledwithgreed,prideorhatefulfeelings
isnotfree.
WhenIheardIdrisssayit,onthemountain,Iagreedwithit,andIwasgladtoseeitpreservedandliving,somehow,intheworld,evenjustonaT-shirt.AndIalsohadtoadmitthatI’dfoundsharesofgreedandprideinsidemyself,andtoooften.
ButIwasn’taloneanymore.AsRannveigsaid,I’dreconnected.
‘Whatdoyouthink?’Karlaaskedme,watchingpeopleswapquotationsfromIdrissontheirfreeT-shirts.
‘Teachers,likewriters,neverdiewhilepeoplestillquotethem.’
‘Iloveyou,Shantaram,’shesaid,cuddlinginbesideme.
Ilookedatthehappy,laughinggroup,crammedintothenarrowcoffeeshop.Thepeoplewe’dlost,inourIslandCityyears,wouldfillthesamespace.
Toomany,toomanydeadwhowerestillalive,wheneverIthoughtofthem.Andalmostallofthemwerelivesthathumilityorgenerositywould’vesaved.Vikram,Nazeer,Tariq,Sanjay,Vishnu,andalltheothernameschantedatme,alwaysendinginAbdullah,mybrother,Abdullah,mybrother.
Karlarelaxedagainstme,herfoottappingtothemusiccomingfromLove&Faith.Itippedherfacetothelightuntilshewasthelight,andkissedher,andwewereone.
Truthisthefreedomofthesoul.We’reveryyoung,inthisyounguniverse,andweoftenfail,anddishonourourselves,evenifonlyinthecavesofthemind.Wefight,whenweshoulddance.Wecompete,cheatandpunishinnocentnature.
Butthatisn’twhatweare,it’ssimplywhatwedointheworldthatwemadeforourselves,andwecanfreelychangewhatwedo,andtheworldwemade,everysecondthatwelive.
Inallthethingsthatreallymatter,weareone.Loveandfaith,trustandempathy,familyandfriendship,sunsetsandsongsofawe:ineverywishborninourhumanityweareone.Ourhumankind,atthismomentinourdestiny,isachildblowingonadandelion,withoutthoughtorunderstanding.Butthewonderinthechildisthewonderinus,andthere’snolimittothegoodwecandowhenhumanheartsconnect.It’sthetruthofus.It’sthestoryofus.It’sthemeaningofthewordGod:weareone.Weareone.Weareone.Proclaimer
Thisnoveldepictssomecharacterswhoarelivingself-destructivelives.Authenticitydemandsthattheydrinkandsmokeandtakedrugs.Idon’tendorsedrinking,smokingordrug-taking,justasIdon’tendorsecrimeandcriminalityasalifestylechoice,orviolenceasavalidmeansofconflictresolution.WhatIdoendorseisdoingourbesttobefair,honest,positiveandcreativewithourselvesandothers.GDR
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