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ToBernardandSuzanne
’Twasathousandpitiesthatitshouldhavehappenedtoshe,ofallothers.
—THOMASHARDY,TessoftheD’Urbervilles
1
Hannah
ItwasJenny’sdeaththatkilledmymother.Killedherasgoodasifshe’dbeenshotinthechestwithatwelve-gaugeshotgun.Thedoctorsaiditwasthecancer.ButIsawthewilltolivedrainoutofherthemomentthepolicemanknockedonourscreendoor.
“It’sJenny,isn’tit?”Momrasped,clutchingthelapelofherfadeddressinggown.
“Ma’am,Idon’tknowhowtotellyouotherthantosayitstraight.”Thepolicemanspokeinthelow-pitchedmelancholictonehe’dusedmomentsearlierwhenhe’dpulledupandtoldmetowaitinthepatrolcarasitssirenlightspaintedourhousestreaksofredandblue.
Despitehisrequest,I’dslippedoutofthebackseatandrushedtoMom’ssideassheturnedonthefrontporchlightandsteppedontothestoop,dazedfrombeingwokenlateatnight.Ihuggedherwitheredwaistashetoldherwhathehadtosay.Herbodyshudderedateachword.
Hisjawwastightunderstrawberryblondstubbleandhislighteyeswerewaterybythetimehewasdone.Hewasayoungcop.Visiblyinexperiencedindealingwithtragedy.Heranhisknucklesacrossthecornersofhisglisteningeyesandswallowedhard.
“I’ms-s-sorryforyourloss,ma’am,”hestammeredwhentherewasnothinglefttosay.Thefinalityofthosewordswouldreverberatethroughtheyearsthatfollowed.
Butatthatmoment,astheplatitudesstillhungintheair,westoodonthestoop,staringateachother,uncertainwhattodoaswecontemplatedtheetiquetteofdeath.
Itightenedmysmall,girlisharmsaroundMom’swaistasshelurchedblindlyintothehouse.Overcomebygrief.Imovedalongwithher.Myarmslockedaroundher.Myfacepressedagainstherhollowstomach.Iwouldn’tletgo.IwascertainthatIwasallthatwasholdingherup.
Shecollapsedintothelumpycushionofthearmchair.Herfacehiddeninherclawed-uphandsandhershouldersshakingfromsoundlesssobs.
Ilimpedtothekitchenandpouredheraglassoflemonade.ItwasallIcouldthinktodo.Inourfamily,lemonadewastheBand-Aidtofixlife’stroubles.Mom’steethchatteredagainsttheglassasshetiltedittohermouth.Shetookasipandlefttheglassteeteringonthewornupholsteryofherarmchairasshewrappedherarmsaroundherself.
Igrabbedtheglassbeforeitfellandstumbledtowardthekitchen.Halfwaythere,Irealizedthepolicemanwasstillstandingatthedoorway.Hewasstaringatthefloor.Ifollowedhisgaze.Atrackofbloodyfootprintsintheshapeofmysmallfeetwassmearedacrossthelinoleumfloor.
Helookedatmeexpectantly.ItwastimeformetogotothehospitallikeI’dagreedwhenI’dbeggedhimtotakemehomefirstsothatIcouldbewithMomwhenshefoundoutaboutJenny.Iglaredathimdefiantly.Iwouldnotleavemymotheralonethatnight.Noteventogetmedicaltreatmentforthecutsonmyfeet.Hewasabouttoarguethepointwhenagarbledmessagecamethroughonhispatrolcarradio.Hesquatteddownsothathewasatthelevelofmyeyesandtoldmethathe’darrangeforanursetocometothehouseassoonaspossibletoattendtomyinjuredfeet.Iwatchedthroughthemeshofthescreendoorashespedaway.Theblareofhispolicesirenechoedlongafterhiscardisappearedinthedark.
Thenursearrivedthefollowingmorning.Sheworehospitalscrubsandcarriedanoversizedmedicalbag.Sheapologizedforthedelay,tellingmethattheERhadbeenoverwhelmedbyanemergencythepreviousnightandnobodycouldgetawaytoattendtome.Shesewedmeupwithblacksuturesandwrappedthickbandagesaroundmyfeet.Beforesheleft,shewarnedmenottowalk,becausethesutureswouldpop.Shewasright.Theydid.
Jennywasbarelysixteenwhenshedied.Iwasfiveweeksshortofmytenthbirthday.Oldenoughtoknowthatmylifewouldneverbethesame.Tooyoungtounderstandwhy.
InevertoldmymotherthatI’dheldJenny’scoldbodyinmyarmsuntilpoliceofficersswarmedoverherlikebuzzardsandpulledmeaway.Inevertoldherasinglethingaboutthatnight.EvenifIhad,Idoubtshewouldhaveheard.Hermindwasinanotherplace.
Weburiedmysisterinaprivatefuneral.Thetwoofusandalocalminister,andacoupleofMom’soldcolleagueswhocameduringtheirlunchbreak,wearingtheirsupermarketcashieruniforms.Atleastthey’retheonesthatIremember.Maybetherewereothers.Ican’trecall.Iwassoyoung.
TheonlypartofthefuneralthatIrememberclearlywasJenny’ssimplecoffinrestingonapatchofgrassalongsideafreshlyduggrave.Itookoffmyhand-knittedsweaterandlaiditoutontopofthepolishedcasket.“Jennywillneedit,”ItoldMom.“It’llbecoldforherintheground.”
WebothknewhowmuchJennyhatedthecold.Onwinterdayswhenbitterdraftstorethroughgapsinthepatched-upwallsofourhouse,JennywouldbegMomtomoveustoaplacewheresummerneverended.
AfewdaysafterJenny’sfuneral,astone-facedmanfromthepolicedepartmentarrivedinacreasedgabardinesuit.Hepulledaflip-topnotebookfromhisjacketandaskedmeifIknewwhathadhappenedthenightthatJennydied.
MyeyesweredowncastwhileIstudiedeacherrantthreadinthesoiledbandageswrappedaroundmyfeet.Isensedhisreliefwhenaftergoingthroughthemotionsofaskingmorequestionsandgettingnoresponsehetuckedhisemptynotebookintohisjacketpocketandheadedbacktohiscar.
Ihatedmyselfformystubbornsilenceashedroveaway.Sometimeswhentheguiltoverwhelmsme,Iremindmyselfthatitwasnotmyfault.Hedidn’tasktherightquestionsandIdidn’tknowhowtoexplainthingsthatIwastooyoungtounderstand.
Thisyearwemarkamilestone.Twenty-fiveyearssinceJennydied.Aquarterofacenturyandnothinghaschanged.Herdeathisasrawasitwasthedayweburiedher.TheonlydifferenceisthatIwon’tbesilentanymore.
2
Rachel
AsinglestreakofwhitecloudmarredanotherwiseperfectblueskyasRachelKralldrovehersilverSUVonaflatstretchofhighwaytowardtheAtlanticOcean.Deadaheadonthehorizonwasathinblueline.ItwidenedasshedrovecloseruntilRachelknewforcertainthatitwasthesea.
Rachelglanceduneasilyattheflutteringpagesoftheletterrestingonthefrontpassengerseatnexttoherasshezoomedalongtherightlaneofthehighway.Shewasdeeplytroubledbytheletter.Notsomuchbythecontents,butinsteadbythestrange,almostsinisterwaytheletterhadbeendeliveredearlierthatmorning.
Afterhoursontheroad,she’dpulledintoatwenty-four-hourdinerwheresheorderedamugofcoffeeandpancakesthatcamecoveredwithhalf-thawedblueberriesandtwoscoopsofvanillaicecream,whichshepushedtothesideofherplate.Thecoffeewasbitter,butshedrankitanyway.Sheneededitforthecaffeine,notthetaste.Whenshefinishedhermeal,sheorderedanextra-strongicedcoffeeandamuffintogoincaseherenergyflaggedonthefinallegofthedrive.
Whilewaitingforhertakeoutorder,Rachelappliedeyedropstorevivehertiredgreeneyesandtwisteduphershoulder-lengthauburnhairtogetitoutofherface.Rachelwastyingherhairintoatopknotwhenthewaitressbroughtherorderinawhitepaperbagbeforerushingofftoserveatruckdriverwhowasgesticulatingangrilyforhisbill
Rachelleftalargerthannecessarytipforthewaitress,mostlybecauseshefeltbadatthewaycustomershoundedthepoorwomanovertheslowservice.Notherfault,thoughtRachel.She’dwaitressedthroughcollegeandknewhowtoughitwastobetheonlypersonservingtablesduringanunexpectedrush.
Bythetimeshepushedopentheswingingdoorsoftherestaurant,Rachelwasfeelingfullandslightlyqueasy.Itwasbrightoutsideandshehadtoshieldhereyesfromthesunassheheadedtohercar.Evenbeforeshereachedit,shesawsomethingshovedunderherwindshieldwiper.Assumingitwasanadvertisingflyer,Rachelabruptlypulleditoffherwindshield.Shewasabouttocrumpleitupunreadwhenshenoticedhernamehadbeenneatlywritteninboldlettering:RachelKrall(fromtheGuiltyorNotGuiltypodcast)
Rachelreceivedthousandsofemailsandsocialmediamessageseveryweek.Mostwerecharmingandfriendly.Lettersfromfans.Afewscaredthehelloutofher.Rachelhadnoideawhichcategorytheletterwouldfallinto,butthemerefactthatastrangerhadrecognizedherandleftanoteaddressedtoheronhercarmadeherdecidedlyuncomfortable.
Rachellookedaroundincasethepersonwho’dlefttheletterwasstillthere.Waiting.Watchingherreaction.Truckdriversstoodaroundsmokingandshootingthebreeze.Otherscheckedtheriggingoftheloadsontheirtrucks.Cardoorsslammedasmotoristsarrived.Enginesrumbledtolifeasothersleft.NobodypaidRachelanyattention,althoughthatdidlittletoeasetheeeriefeelingshewasbeingwatched.
ItwasrareforRacheltofeelvulnerable.She’dbeeninplentyofhairysituationsovertheyears.Amonthearlier,she’dspentthebestpartofanafternoonlockedinahigh-securityprisoncelltalkingtoanuncuffedserialkillerwhilepolicemarksmenpointedautomaticriflesthroughaholeintheceilingincasetheprisonerlungedatherduringtheinterview.Rachelhadn’tsomuchasbrokenintoasweattheentiretime.Rachelfeltridiculousthataletterleftonhercarhadunnervedhermorethanaface-to-facemeetingwithakiller.
Deepdown,Rachelknewthereasonforherdiscomfort.Shehadbeenrecognized.Inpublic.Byastranger.Thathadneverhappenedbefore.Rachelhadworkedhardtomaintainheranonymityafterbeingcatapultedtofamewhenthefirstseasonofherpodcastbecameaculturalsensation,spurringawaveofimitationpodcastsandanationalobsessionwithtruecrime.
Inthatfirstseason,Rachelhaduncoveredfreshevidencethatprovedthatahighschoolteacherhadbeenwronglyconvictedforthemurderofhiswifeontheirsecondhoneymoon.Season2wasevenmoresuccessfulwhenRachelhadsolvedapreviouslyunsolvablecoldcaseofasinglemotheroftwowhowasbashedtodeathinherhairsalon.Bythetimetheseasonhadended,RachelKrallhadbecomeahouseholdname.
Despitehersuddenfame,orratherbecauseofit,shedeliberatelykeptalowprofile.Rachel’snameandbroadcastvoicewereinstantlyrecognizable,butpeoplehadnoideawhatshelookedlikeorwhoshewaswhenshewenttothegym,ordrankcoffeeatherfavoritecafe,orpushedashoppingcartthroughherlocalsupermarket.
TheonlypublicphotosofRachelwereaseriesofblack-and-whiteshotstakenbyherex-husbandduringtheirshort-livedmarriagewhenshewasatgradschool.Thephotosbarelyresembledheranymore,maybebecauseofthecameraangle,orthemonochromehues,orperhapsbecauseherfacehadbecomemoredefinedassheenteredherthirties.
Intheearlydays,beforethepodcasthadtakenoff,they’dreceivedtheirfirstmediarequestforaphotographofRacheltorunalongsideanarticleonthepodcast’sthen-cultfollowing.ItwasherproducerPete’sideatousethosedatedphotographs.Hehadpointedoutthatreportingontruecrimeoftenattractedcranksandkooks,andeventheoccasionalpsychopath.Anonymity,they’dagreed,wasRachel’sprotection.Eversincethenshe’dcultivateditobsessively,purposelyavoidingpublic-speakingeventsandTVshowappearancessothatshewouldn’tberecognizedinherprivatelife.
ThatwaswhyitwasunfathomabletoRachelthatarandomstrangerhadrecognizedherwellenoughtoleaveherapersonalizednoteataremotehighwayrestareawhereshe’dstoppedonawhim.Glancingoncemoreoverhershoulder,sherippedopentheenvelopetoreadtheletterinside:
DearRachel,Ihopeyoudon’tmindmecallingyoubyyourfirstname.IfeelthatIknowyousowell.
Sherecoiledatthepresumedintimacyoftheletter.Thelasttimeshe’dreceivedfanmailinthatsortoffamiliartone,itwasfromasexualsadistinvitinghertopayaconjugalvisitathismaximum-securityprison.
Rachelclimbedintothedriver’sseatofhercarandcontinuedreadingthenote,whichwaswrittenonpapertornfromaspiralnotebook.
I’mahugefan,Rachel.Ilistenedtoeveryepisodeofyourpodcast.Itrulybelievethatyouaretheonlypersonwhocanhelpme.MysisterJennywaskilledalongtimeago.Shewasonlysixteen.I’vewrittentoyoutwicetoaskyoutohelpme.Idon’tknowwhatI’lldoifyousaynoagain.
Rachelturnedtothelastpage.Theletterwassigned:Hannah.ShehadnorecollectionofgettingHannah’sletters,butthatdidn’tmeanmuch.Iflettershadbeensent,theywouldhavegonetoPeteortheirintern,bothofwhovettedthefloodofcorrespondencesenttothepodcastemailaddress.OccasionallyPetewouldforwardalettertoRacheltoreviewpersonally.
Intheearlydaysofthepodcast,Rachelhadpersonallyreadalltherequestsforhelpthatcamefromeitherfamilyorfriendsfrustratedatthelackofprogressintheirlovedones’homicideinvestigations,orprisonersclaiminginnocenceandbeggingRacheltocleartheirnames.She’dmadeapointofpersonallyrespondingtoeachletter,usuallyafterdoingpreliminaryresearch,andoftenbyincludingreferralstonot-for-profitorganizationsthatmighthelp.
Butastherequestsgrewexponentially,theemotionaltollofdesperatepeoplebeggingRachelforhelpoverwhelmedher.She’dbecomethelasthopeofanyonewho’deverbeenletdownbythejusticesystem.Racheldiscoveredfirsthandthattherewerealotofthemandtheyallwantedthesamething.TheywantedRacheltomaketheircasethesubjectofthenextseasonofherpodcast,orattheveryleast,touseherconsiderableinvestigativeskillstorighttheirwrong.
Rachelhatedthatmostofthetimeshecoulddonothingotherthansendemptywordsofconsolationtodesperate,brokenpeople.TheburdenoftheirexpectationsbecamesocrushingthatRachelalmostabandonedthepodcast.Intheend,PetetookoverreviewingallcorrespondencetoprotectRachelandtogivehertimetoresearchandreportonherpodcaststories.
TheletterleftonherwindshieldwasthefirsttomakeitthroughPete’shumanfirewall.ThispiquedRachel’sinterest,despitethenaggingworrythatmadeherdouble-lockhercardoorasshecontinuedreadingfrombehindthesteeringwheel.
ItwasJenny’sdeaththatkilledmymother[theletterwenton].Killedherasgoodasifshe’dbeenshotinthechestwithatwelve-gaugeshotgun.
Thoughitwaslatemorningonahotsummer’sdayandhercarwasheatinguplikeanoven,Rachelfeltachillrunthroughher.
I’vespentmyliferunningawayfromthememories.Hurtingmyself.Andothers.IttookthetrialinNeapolistomakemefaceuptomypast.ThatiswhyIamwritingtoyou,Rachel.Jenny’skillerwillbethere.Inthattown.Maybeinthatcourtroom.It’stimeforjusticetobedone.You’retheonlyonewhocanhelpmedeliverit.
ThemetalliccrashofaminibusdoorbeingpushedopenstartledRachel.Shetossedthepagesonthefrontpassengerseatandhastilyreversedoutoftheparkingspot.
Shewassoengrossedinthinkingabouttheletterandthemysteriouswaythatitwasdeliveredthatshedidn’tnoticeshehadmergedontothehighwayandwasspeedinguntilshecameoutofhertrancelikestateandsawmetalbarricadeswhizzingpastinablur.She’ddrivenmorethantenmilesandcouldn’trememberanyofit.Rachelsloweddown,anddialedPete.
Noanswer.Sheputhimonautoredialbutgaveupafterthefourthattemptwhenhestillhadn’tpickedup.Aheadofher,thewideningbandofblueoceanonthehorizonbeckonedattheendofthelong,flatstretchofhighway.Shewasgettingclosetoherdestination.
Rachellookedintoherrearviewmirrorandnoticedasilversedanontheroadbehindher.Thelicenseplatenumberlookedfamiliar.Rachelcouldhaveswornthatshe’dseenthesamecarbeforeoverthecourseofherlongdrive.Shechangedlanes.Thesedanchangedlanesandmoveddirectlybehindher.Rachelspedup.Thecarspedup.Whenshebraked,thecardid,too.RacheldialedPeteagain.Stillnoanswer.
“Damnit,Pete.”Sheslammedherhandsonthesteeringwheel.
Thesedanpulledoutanddrovealongsideher.Rachelturnedherheadtoseethedriver.Thewindowwastintedandreflectedtheglareofthesunasthecarspedahead,weavingbetweenlanesuntilitwaslostinaseaofvehicles.Rachelsloweddownassheenteredtrafficnearagiantbillboardonagrassyembankmentthatread:WELCOMETONEAPOLIS.YOURGATEWAYTOTHECRYSTALCOAST
Neapoliswasathree-hourdrivenorthofWilmingtonandwelloffthemaininterstatehighwayroute.Rachelhadneverheardoftheplaceuntilshe’dchosentheupcomingtrialthereasthesubjectofthehotlyanticipatedthirdseasonofGuiltyorNotGuilty.
Shepulledtoastopataredtrafficlightandturnedonthecarradio.ItautomaticallytunedintoalocalstationrunningatalkbackslotinbetweenplayingoldtracksofcountrymusiconalazySaturdaymorning.Shesurveyedthetownthroughtheglassofherdustywindshield.Ithadacharmlessgritthatshe’dseeninahundredothersmalltownsshe’dpassedthroughoverherthirty-twoyears.Thesameubiquitousgasstationsigns.Fast-foodstoreswithgrimywindows.Tiredshoppingstripsofrun-downstoresthathadlongagolostthewarwiththemalls.
“Wehaveacallerontheline,”theradiohostsaid,afterthefinalnotesofacousticguitarhadfadedaway.“What’syourname?”
“Dean.”
“Whatdoyouwanttotalkabouttoday,Dean?”
“Everyoneissopoliticallycorrectthesedaysthatnobodycallsitastheyseeit.SoI’mgoingtosayitstraightout.Thattrialnextweekisadisgrace.”
“Whydoyousaythat?”askedtheradioannouncer.
“Becausewhattheheckwasthatgirlthinking!”
“You’reblamingthegirl?”
“Hellyeah.It’snotright.Akid’slifeisbeingruinedbecauseagirlgotdrunkanddidsomethingdumbthatsheregrettedafterward.Weallregretstuff.Exceptwedon’ttrytogetsomeoneputinprisonforourscrew-ups.”
“Thepoliceanddistrictattorneyobviouslythinkacrimehasbeencommittedifthey’rebringingittotrial,”interruptedthehosttestily.
“Don’tgetmewrong.Ifeelbadforherandall.Hell,Ifeelbadforeveryoneinthismessed-upsituation.ButIespeciallyfeelbadforthatBlairboy.Everythingheworkedforhasgoneupinsmoke.Andheain’tevenbeenfoundguiltyyet.Factis,thistrialisawaste.It’sawasteoftime.Andit’sawasteofourtaxes.”
“Juryselectionmightbeover,butthetrialhasn’tbegun,Dean,”snappedtheradioannouncer.“There’sajuryoftwelvefinecitizenswhowilldecidehisguiltorinnocence.It’snotuptous,oryou,todecide.”
“Well,Isurehopethatjuryhastheirheadsscrewedonright,becausethere’snowaythatanyonewithashredofgoodold-fashionedcommonsensewillreachaguiltyverdict.Noway.”
Thecaller’svoicedroppedoutasthefirstnotesofahitcountry-westernsonghittheairwaves.Theannouncer’svoiceroseoverthemusic.“It’sjustafterelevenA.M.onwhat’sturningouttobeaveryhumidSaturdaymorninginNeapolis.EveryoneintownistalkingabouttheBlairtrialthatstartsnextweek.We’lltakemorecallersafterthislittletune.”
3
Rachel
Themomentthetrafficlightturnedgreen,Rachelputherfootonthegasandshotoutacrosstheintersectiontowardherhotel.Itwasamodernfour-starhotelonabeachroad,oppositethetown’snewmarina,wheredaycruisersweredockedinagleamingwhiterow.Hangingoffthebiggestboatwasagiantredbannerofferingthecheapestpricesintownfordaytripsandgame-fishingcruises.
Rachelgavehercartothehotelparkingvaletandwheeledhersuitcasetothereceptiondesk.Check-inwasn’tforanhour,butthehotelhadpromisedtomakeherroomavailableearly.
RachelhaddeliberatelyarrivedinNeapolisdaysaheadofthetrialtocultivatesourcesandgettoknowthepeopleandtherhythmofthetown.ShewasunderenormouspressuretomakeSeason3betterthanthelasttwoseasons.Afloodofimitationpodcasterswerecopyingheroriginalformat,withvaryingresults.ShehadtokeepGuiltyorNotGuiltyfreshandgroundbreaking,orriskthepodcastfallingintoobscurityasambitiousrivalsovertookit.Inshort,shehadtodeliverapodcastthatranringsaroundthefirsttwoseasons.TherewasnoroomforfailureandRachelknewit.Thatwaswhyshe’dselectedacaseforSeason3thatwastopical,controversial,andhadthepotentialtosparkconversationsatwatercoolersanddinnertablesalike.
ForthefirsttimeGuiltyorNotGuiltywouldcoveranactivetrialwhileitplayedoutincourt.Thepreviousseasonshadrehashedoldcasesfromyearsearlier,whereeverythingwasviewedthroughthetwenty-twentylensofhindsight,andwithmassesofinformationavailableonline.
Coveringatrialwhileitwasunderwaywouldputtheaudienceinavirtualjurybox.Rachelwouldgiveherlistenersthetestimonyandtheevidenceinrealtimeasitcameoutincourt,asiftheywererealjurors.Everylistenerwouldreachhisorherownverdictbasedontheevidenceasthejurydeliberated.
Season3wouldtestRachel’sendurancemorethanever.Sheplannedtoattendcourtduringthedayandrecordpodcastepisodesatnight,aswellaspostonthepodcastwebsitedailysummariesofeachday’shearingsandtranscriptsoftestimony,wheneverpossible.She’dhavetodoitallwithoutPeteatherside.He’dbeeninamotorcyclecrashandcouldn’tjoinherforthetrip.Althoughhe’dinsistedthathe’dhelpallhecouldfromhishospitalbed.
Rachel’sfirstinterviewwasscheduledforlaterthatafternoon,andshewantedtofreshenupandchangeintoclothesbettersuitedtothestickyheat.Mostlyshewantedtounpacksoshecouldexplorethetownbeforeherhecticworkschedulebegan.Herheartsankalittlewhenthehotelreceptionclerksaidthatherroomwasstillbeingcleaned.
Rachelheadedtothelobbycafe,sittingatasmall,roundtablewhileshewaitedforherroom.Behindherwasagildedbirdcage.Sheassumeditwasornamentaluntilsheheardarustlingnoiseandturnedaroundtoseeabrownbirdwithareddishtailscratchinglistlesslyatbirdseed.Awaiterpassedby.Shecalledhimoverandorderedaglassoffreshlysqueezedorangejuice.
“Whatkindofbirdisthat?”Rachelaskedthewaiterwhenhereturnedwithherdrink.
“It’sanightingale,”hesaid.“Themanagerthoughtitwasacuteideatohaveasongbirdinthelobby.Theproblemisthatbirddoesn’tknowhowtosing.I’veneverhearditsomuchastweet.It’snotmuchtolookat,either.Betweenyouandme,Ithinkit’safake.Idon’tthinkit’sanightingaleatall.”
“Well,I’mhardlyabirdexpert,butevenIcantellthat’soneunhappybird,”Rachelsaid.
“Maybe,”thewaitersaid,shrugginghelplesslyasiftotellherthathehadnoinfluencewhenitcametothebird’swelfare.“You’rehereforthetrial,aren’tyou?”heasked,changingthesubject.
“Whatmakesyouthinkthat?”Rachelresponded,suddenlyonguard.
“Youdon’thaveavacationvibe.Themanagersaidwe’dbegettingsomeguestsstayinghereforthetrial.Mediatypes.Lawyerstoo.”
Rachelcouldtellhewasfishingtofindoutwhichcategoryshefellinto,butshehadnointentionofsatisfyinghiscuriosity.She’dbookedintothehotelusingPete’sfamilynameforareason.Shedidn’twantanyoneatthehoteltoknowhertrueidentity.
“Igatherthetrialisanemotionaltopicaroundhere,”shesaid.
“Itcangetheated,”heagreed.“Everyoneknowstheboyinvolved.Somepersonallyandsomebyreputation.He’sprettyfamousaroundhere.Andthistownissmallenoughthatpeoplecanprettymuchguesswhothegirlis,eventhoughhernamehasbeenkeptoutofthenewspapers.”
“Ifeveryoneknowseveryone,I’msurprisedthetrialwasn’tmovedtoadifferentjurisdiction.”
“Iheardthejudgerefusedtoallowittobemoved.Saidhehadfaithinthejurors.Ithinkhe’sright.They’llbefair.Idon’tthinkit’struethateveryoneknowseveryonehere.Maybeonce.Neapolisisn’tasmalltownanymore.”
“Haveyoulivedherelong?”Rachelasked.
“MyparentsmovedherewhenIleftforcollege.Ivisittheminthesummerandworkatthehotelduringthetouristseason.”HewipedthetablenexttoRachel’sashespoke.
“Youmustliketheplaceifyoucomeeverysummer?”
“It’sgreatforkidsandoldpeople.Notmuchtodohereifyou’remyage.Nothinginthewayofjobs,that’sforsure,”hesaid.“Mydadsaysthistownnevergotabreak.Thefactoriesarestruggling.Fishingandtourismarethebigmoneyearners.Neitherarereliable.Thefishingusedtobegood.Notsomuchanymore.Thetourism,well,thatdependsonthehurricaneseason.”
Rachel’sphonerang.ThecallwasfromPete.Thewaiterinchedaway,straighteningchairsthatdidn’tneedtobestraightened.Rachelcouldtellthathewaslisteningintoherconversation.Hehadaperplexedexpressionthatsuggestedhewastryingtofigureoutwhyhervoicesoundedsofamiliar.
Itwasacommonreaction.Rachel’ssoft,breathlessbroadcastvoicewasinstantlyrecognizable.Itwashersignature.Thatandhertendencytobreakthefourthwallwithreflectionsonthemiscarriagesofjusticethatsheinvestigatedforthepodcast.Thecombinationmadethepodcastaddictive.
“RachelKrallhassexualizedtruecrimeinthesamewaythatNigellaLawsonhasgivensexappealtofryingeggs,”onenewspapercolumnistwrote.“Krall’sseductivevoiceandout-loudmusingsgivehertrue-crimepodcaststheintimacyofpillowtalk.It’snowonderthatit’sthemostsuccessfulpodcastinthecountry.IsuspectMs.Krallcouldrecordapodcastonpaintdryingandpeoplewouldbehookedonhereveryintonationandthesilkycadenceofherbedroomvoice.”
“Icouldn’thearyourvoicemailsproperly,Rach.Theconnectionwashorrible.Ididhearyoumentionfindingsomethingonyourcar?Whatwasit?”Peteasked
“SomeoneleftaletteronmycarwhileIwentforbreakfastatatruckstop.Itwasaddressedtome.Byname,”Rachelsaid,cuppingthereceiverofherphonesothewaiterwouldn’toverhear.
“Werethereanythreats?”Peteasked.
“Itwasn’tthecontentofthelettersomuchasthewayitwasleftformeundermywindshieldwiper,”shesaid.“Someonerecognizedme,Pete.”
“Itwasboundtohappen,”sighedPete.“Youareahouseholdname.”
“I’mnotahouseholdface.Peopledon’trecognizemesoeasily,andthisplacewastrulyinthemiddleofnowhere.Idon’tthinkanyoneherehaseverheardofthepodcast.It’ssoremote.”
“Whatwasintheletter?”Peteasked.
“SomethingaboutagirlcalledJennywhowasmurderedhereinNeapolisdecadesago,”Racheltoldhim.“Thewriterclaimstohaveemailedusinthepastaskingmetoinvestigate.WemusthavesentbackoneofthoserotelettersIhatesomuch.Weshouldstopsendingthem,Pete.They’resouldestroying.Bettertonotrespondthanbrushpeopleoff.”
“Letmegetthisright,”saidPete.“Afterwritingtoyouseveraltimesandgettingarejectionletter,thispersonjustbychancehappenstoseeyouatatruckstopinthemiddleofnowhere,recognizesyou,andleavesyoualetteronyourcarwhileyou’reeatingbreakfast.”AnoteofworryinflectedPete’svoice.“Thatseemsawfullycoincidental.”
“Yes.That’sexactlymypoint,”Rachelsaid.“Ididn’tevenknowmyselfthatIwasgoingtostopuntilIsawtherestaurantsignonthehighway.What’stheprobabilitythatsomeonewhosentmefanmailmonthsagoandreceivedyourverypolite‘thanksbutnothanks’letterhappenedtobeatanisolatedreststopareaattheexacttimethatImadeanunplannedstop?”
“Whoeverleftthelettermusthavefollowedyou,”answeredPete.“Didyounoticebeingtailedonthedrivedown?”
“I’mprettysureIsawthesamecaroffandonforagoodpartofthedrive.IlostitwhenIhitheavytrafficasIdroveintoNeapolis,”Rachelsaid.
“Didyougetadescription?Licenseplate?”
“Youknowme,Pete.Ican’ttellaMazdafromaToyota,anddon’tevengetmestartedonEuropeancars.ThewayIfigureit,there’sonlyonewordforsomeonewhofollowedmeacrossthreestatestoleaveanoteonmycar.”
“Astalker,”saidPete.
“That’swhyI’mjustslightlyfreakedout.Notfromtheletter.Theletterintriguesme,totellyouthetruth.It’sthewayitwasleftforme.Thefamiliarityofitstone.Andthefactthatwhoeverleftitmusthavefollowedme,”saidRachel.
“Icouldaskthecopstolookintoit.Seewhattheycanfindout,”Peteoffered.“MycontactattheFBIsaidweshouldn’thesitatetofileacomplaintafterthedeaththreatsyougotlastyear.Istillhavehiscardwithhisdirectnumber,”headded.“Sendmeacopyoftheletter.I’llseewhatIcando.”
“Let’skeeptheletterbetweenusfornow.Idon’twantcopsinvolved.Notyet,anyway.Idon’twanttobethegirlwhocriedwolf,”saidRachel.
“Ifyouinsist,”saidPetereluctantly.
“I’msorry,Pete.Ishouldn’tbotheryouwiththisstuff.You’reinthehospitalandyou’reprobablyinagony.”
“Nah,they’vegivenmestuffforthepain.Trustme,anythingIcandototakemymindoffmycurrentpredicamentisfinebyme.Senditover,Rachel;Iamactuallybeggingyou.IcansafelysaythatifIdiehere,itwillbeonlyofboredom.”
“Ifeellikeanidiot,Pete.I’msureit’snothing.”
“Bettertobeparanoidthantoloweryourguard,Rach.ThereareafewnutjobsoutthereandIambettingthatyouarerightatthetopoftheircrazylist.Youneedtowatchyourback.”
Afterhangingup,RacheltookaphotooftheletterwithherphoneandemailedittoPete.Itwasonlywhenshewasstuffingthepagesbackintotheenvelopethatshenoticedwritingscribbledonthecorneroftheenvelope,almostasanafterthought.
Maybeweshouldtalkinperson.I’llwaitforyouattheMorrison’sPointjettyat2p.m.sharp.
Racheltoretheenvelopeintostrips.Shehadnointentionofrendezvousingwithananonymousfanandpossiblestalkeratanoldjetty.Petewasright.Sheneededtobecareful.ThefirstepisodeofSeason3hadbeenreleased.HerfansknewshewasinNeapolistocoverthetrial.Sodideveryoneelse.
4
GuiltyorNotGuilty
Season3,Episode1:VictimBlaming
EversinceIannouncedthatI’mcoveringarapetrialforSeason3,I’vebeeninundatedbypeopleaskingmewhy.Mymother.Mybrother.Myproducer.Evenmyexcalledtoexpresshisreservations.
Thephrase“Rachel,areyoucrazy?”cameupalot.They’reworriedthatnomatterhowIreportonthetrial,I’mgoingtorilepeopleup.I’mgoingtooffendpeople.I’mgoingtogethatemailandabuse.And,perhapsmostfrighteningly,I’mgoingtogetcrucifiedonTwitter.
Becauserape,forareasonthatIcan’tunderstand,isdivisive.
Murderisapieceofcakebycomparison.Everyoneagreesthatmurderisheinous.There’snoargumentaboutthat.There’snodifferenceofopinion.TheBiblesaysitstraightout:“Thoushaltnotkill.”
Whenitcomestorape,theBibleismoreambivalent.Muchlikerapelawshavebeenformillennia.
Rapingwomenwasconsideredalegitimatespoilofwarthroughoutmuchofhumanhistory.Itwasn’tthatlongagowhenahusbandcouldrapehiswifewithoutbreakingthelawinsomestates.Insomecountries,ahusbandcanstillrapehiswife,orevenarandomwomanorgirl.Aslongashemarriesherafterward.
That’swhyIchosethiscaseratherthancoveranothermurdertrialforSeason3.Iwanttomakeyouthinkabouthowrapeandthethreatofrapeaffectthelivesofwomeninahundreddifferentways.
Isupposethere’sanotherreasonwhyIchosetocoverthiscase.LongbeforeIheardabouttherapetrialinNeapolis,therewasanothercaseIworkedonthat,well,I’dbelyingifIdidn’ttellyouthatitgottome.Eventoday,Igetkindofteary.Andemotional.Asyoucanprobablyhear…Damn,IpromisedIwouldn’tcrywhenItoldyouthestory.
Thevictimwasmyage.Shelivedonmyblock.Weshoppedatthesamesupermarket.Wetookshortcutsthroughthesameparkatnight.Wetookthesametrainfromthesameplatform.So,yeah,herdeathfeltpersonal.
Itwasmypark.Myneighborhood.Andshediedthere,onadampstretchofgrasswheremyfriendsandIwouldplayFrisbeeinthesummer.
But…ifI’mhonest,Ithinktherewasmoretoitthanthatawful,selfishthoughtthat“butforthegraceofGodgoI.”Herstory,outofallofthestoriesthatIcoveredasacrimereporter,toremeupbecauseofthewayshewastreatedafterherdeath.
Iwon’tsayherrealname,butlet’scallherCatGirl.Shelovedcats.Shehadaminiaturesphinxlikecattattooedonhershoulder.Thatwashowshewasidentified—throughthattattoo.SheworkedatananimalshelteronSundaysandatasoupkitchenonWednesdays.Shewaskindandfunny.Byallaccounts,shewasatalentedjazzmusicianwithahusky,evocativevoicethatputchillsdownmyspinethefirsttimeIheardarecordingofhersinging.Ifthatwasn’tenough,sheplayedsomeseriouslygoodsax.
CatGirlworkedatalittlejazzclubinCarytown,indowntownRichmond.Musicloverswentthereforthejazz.CollegestudentswenttherefortheHappyHourspecials.Thebarwasahole-in-the-wallsortofplace.Narrowwoodenstairsataside-streetentranceleadingdowntoabasementbar.Ithadmidnightbluewallsandgrungywater-stainedtableswithmismatchedchairs.Nobodynoticedbecausetheplacewastoodarktoseeanythingexceptthestage.
ItwasaThursdaynight.CatGirlperformedafewsongsinbetweenservingtables.Atsomepoint,abig-shotrecordproducerwhowasoutscoutingtalentgaveherhisbusinesscardandinvitedhertoauditionforabandhewasputtingtogether.Itwasthebiggestbreakshe’deverhad.Hisbusinesscardwaslistedinherpersonaleffectsintheautopsyreport.Itwasasoberingreminderthatherlifewentfromelationtotragedyinthespaceofhours.
Whenthebarclosed,shewalkedhomeinsteadoftakingacab.Maybeshewantedtounwind.Itwasearlysummer.Aperfectnightforwalking.Soshewalked.Whynot.Right?
Ittookfifteenminutesforhertowalkhome.Thelastpartwasalittledicey.Remember,itwasmyneighborhood.Iknewitlikethebackofmyhand.Beforeshecutthroughthepark,shetextedherfriendtosayshewasalmosthome.Iguessyoucanfigureouttherest.
Herbodywasfoundbyajogger.Shewaslyingonthegrassinthemiddleofthepark.Herclothesandhairwerewet.Ithadrainedovernight.Herunderwearlayinaballinapuddleandherskirtwashikedup.Therewerebruisesaroundherthroat.She’dbeenrapedandstrangled.
Itwasthewaythatshe’dbeenleftexposedbyherkillerthatsickenedmemost.He’dtakeneverythingfromher.He’dtakenherlife.Yetevenindeath,hehadtodegradeherinonefinalactofhumiliation.
Theareawhereshewasmurderedwasapopularneighborhoodforcollegestudentslivinginoff-campusapartments.Rumorsspreadlikewildfirethatshewaskilledbyaserialkiller.Well,youcanimaginethehysteria.
Itdidn’thelpanywhenthecopstoldwomenlivingintheareatotakeprecautions.Youknow,theusualstuff.Holdyourkeysbetweenyourfingerstouseasaweapon.Keepyourphoneinyourhandanddialnine-one-oneifyou’rebeingfollowedorfeelafraid.Ifeverywomanwhofeltafraidcallednine-one-one,theswitchboardwouldmelt.Thatiswhatwomenlivewitheverydayofourlives.
AlotofwomenfeltthecopswereblamingCatGirlinsteadofherrapistandkiller.Thesewomenarguedthatwomenshouldbeabletowalkwherevertheywant,whenevertheywant.Iftheywalkhomelateatnightthroughapark,theyshouldn’tbecriticizedforit.Andtheysureashellshouldn’tberapedandmurderedforit.
Whenschoolkidsareshotbyarandomshooter,nobodyaskswhetherthevictimsshouldhavetakenmoreprecautions.Nobodysuggeststhatmaybethevictimsshouldhaveskippedschoolthatday.Nobodyeverblamesthevictims.
Sowhyisitthatwhenwomenareattacked,theonusisonthem?“Ifonlyshehadn’twalkedhomealone.”“Ifonlyshehadn’tcutthroughthepark.”“Ifonlyshe’dtakenacab.”
Whenitcomestorape,itseemstome“ifonly”isusedallthetime.Neverabouttheman.Nobodyeversays“ifonly”hehadn’trapedher.It’salwaysaboutthewoman.Ifonly…
AsIwasresearchingpossiblecasesforSeason3,IthoughtalotaboutCatGirlandwhathappenedtoher.MostlyIthoughtaboutthewayshewasblamedforherownrapeandmurder.
ThenIheardabouttheupcomingtrialinNeapolis.SomethingaboutitmovedmesodeeplythatIcouldn’tgetitoutofmymind.ItremindedmeoftheCatGirlcaseeventhoughtheNeapoliscaseisdifferentinsomanyways.Inalmosteveryway.
Thereisonethingthatisexactlythesame.That’stheblame-the-victimgame.Thathasn’tchangedatall.JustlikewithCatGirl,IkepthearingpeopleblamingthegirlatthecenterofthiscaseinNeapolis.
Thistrialisn’taboutthevictim.It’saboutthemanaccusedofrapingher.Yetsomehowyoucouldbemistakenforthinkingthatthevictimisontrial,too,because,likemostrapetrials,thecaselargelyrestsonhiswordagainstherword.Theallegedrapistandtheallegedvictim.Whichoneofthemisspeakingthetruth?
Thetrialstartsnextweek.We’reinthistogether.Let’sseewheretheevidencetakesus
I’mRachelKrallandthisisGuiltyorNotGuilty,thepodcastthatputsyouinthejurybox.
5
Rachel
Rachelhadtostandonhertiptoestogetaglimpseoftheseafromherhotelroomwindow.Thereceptionclerkhadtoldherthatshe’dbeenupgradedtoanoceanviewroomwhenhehandedherthekeycarddownstairs.Hehadn’tmentionedtheviewwouldbeobstructedbythesmokeygrayglassofthemarinarestaurantcomplexacrosstheroad.
Rachelletgoofthewhitenettingofthedrapes,disappointedbytheuninspiringview.Shereturnedtounpackinghersuitcaseandsettlingintowhatwouldbeherhomeandofficeforthedurationofthetrial.
Therewasadesk,acoffee-makingnook,andabrocadearmchairalongsideabronzelampontheblue-graycarpet.Inthebathroomwasaglass-enclosedshowerwithapileoffluffywhitetowelsandanassortmentofminiaturebottlesoftranslucentbodywashandshampoo.Theroomsmelledofcarpetdeodorizer,vacuumcleanerfumes,andcleaningspray.
Rachelstifledayawnassheslippedoffhershoesandcollapsedonthestarchedwhitesheetsoftheking-sizebed,staringupattheceilinguntilhereyesblurred.She’dbeendrivingsincethemiddleofthenight.Shelongedforsleepandwastemptedtotakeanap,butsheremindedherselfthatshehadworklineduplaterthatafternoonandcouldn’triskoversleeping.
Shereluctantlyclimbedoffthebedandfinishedhangingherclothesinthewardrobebeforearrangingherfilesonthedeskalongwithherlaptopandpowerchargers.Whenshewasdone,shechangedintoshortsandaT-shirtandwentdownstairsforabriefwalktoloosenupherbody,stifffromhourssittingbehindthesteeringwheel.
Itwasareliefwhenshewasfinallyoutsidethehotel,strollinginthesunshinealongtheboardwalk.Afterawhile,Rachelsatonabenchandsoakedupthealmostblindingexplosionofcolorfromneon-cladswimmersinthebluewaterandrowsofstripedbeachumbrellasacrossthestripofgoldensand.Shefeltsorelaxedthatshebrieflywonderedhowshe’dgetanyworkdoneShehadtoremindherselfthatNeapolismightbeavacationtown,butshewasthereforbusiness.
Awhite-hairedcouplewalkingarminarmsmiledatRachelastheywentpast.ShesmiledbackandthensurprisedherselfbycallingouttoaskthemwhereshecouldfindtheMorrison’sPointjetty.Sheregrettedeachwordasshesaidit.
“Morrison’sPoint,”repeatedtheman.“Haven’thearditcalledthatforalongtime.It’spasttheheadlandoverthere.”Hepointedtothesouth.“Nobodygoestheremuch.Notsincetheybuiltthemarinaandfixedupthebeachesaroundhere.”
“Exceptforfishermen,”hiswifecorrected.“Alwaysplentyoffishermen.Justliketheolddays.”
“Yup,”herhusbandsaid.“Fishing’sstillgooddownthere.”
“Isitfar?CanIwalk?”
“Surecan.Keepwalkingtillyoucan’twalkanymore.You’llseeitacrossthebeach.Can’tmissit.”
AsRachelwalked,shetoldherselfthatshewasbreakingacardinalrulefortrue-crimepodcasters:Neverrendezvouswithfanswholeavenotesonyourcarwindshield.Never.
Rachelhadatendencytobreakcardinalrules,soshekeptwalking.Herfeethittheconcreteoftheboardwalkfasterandfasterinherdeterminationtogetthereontime.TheboardwalkendedandRacheljumpeddownontothesand.Shetookoffhershoesandjoggedbytheshoreline,jumpingoverseaweedwhiletryingtokeepoutofreachofthelappingwaves.
ShehadaclearviewoftheMorrison’sPointjettyfromthenextheadland.Itlookedoldanddecrepitfromadistance,butwhenRachelcameclosershesawthatitwassolidlybuiltfromagedtimber.
Ahandfuloffishermenwerescatteredacrossthejetty,theireyesfixedonthetensionoftheirnylonlines.Onefishermansittingonaredcoolerboxgrippingafishingrodlookedhalf-asleep,withacanvashatslouchedoverhishead.
Rachelwalkedtotheendofthejettyandleanedagainsttherailsasshewatchedasailboatmaneuverinthedistanceassunlighthitthewater.
“Haveyoucaughtanythingtoday?”Rachelaskedanearbyfishermanwhosefacewascreasedinconcentrationashehunchedoverhisrod.Inanswer,hekickedopenthelidofawhitebucketnexttohisstool.Rachelpeeredinside.Twosilverfishsloshedaroundincircles.
“Pulledinaflounderearlier.Threwitback.Toosmall,”hesaid,indicatingthesizeofthefishwithhishands.
“Seemsbigtome,”saidRachel.
“Nah,that’snothing,”hesaid.“WhenIwasakid,we’dgetfishthreetimesthesizewithouteventrying.Bestplacetofishformiles.Norockshere.It’sallsand.Onawindlessdaywhenthewaterisclear,youcanactuallyseethefishthroughthewater.They’vegotnowheretohide.”
“Soundslikeyou’vebeenfishinghereforalongtime?”
“Usedtocomewithmygreat-granddaddy.Thisjettyhasbeenhereforoverahundredandtwentyyears.It’ssurvivedmorehurricanesthanyoucanpokeastickat.WethoughtitwouldgetblownawaywhenSandyhit.Butitheldupgood.”
RachelturnedaroundtolookforHannah.She’dmadeittothejettybythedeadline.Buttherewasnobodyaroundotherthanthefishermenandamanwithashavedheadjoggingalongthebeach.Hisdogtrailedbehind,yappingatthewaves.
Rachelexaminedabrassplaqueinsetintoatimberrailonthejetty.Itwasengravedwithabriefdedicationtothecrewofatrawlerwho’ddiedinastormin1927.Therewereotherplaques,too,inmemoryofsailorswhoseboatshadgonedowninstormsovertheyears.ThemostprominentwasaplaquededicatedtoamerchantshiptorpedoedinnearbyAtlanticwatersbyaGermanU-boatduringWorldWarTwo.
“Thecoastaroundhereisagraveyard.Mydaddyusedtosayitwashaunted.Atnighttheghostsof—”Thefisherman’srodjerkedandheabruptlystoppedtalkingashequicklyreeledinthelineuntilanemptyhookemergedfromthewater.“Gotaway,”hemuttered,rehookinghislinewithfreshbaitandshufflingtohisfeettorecastitintothewater
“Didyouseeanyonewaiting?”Rachelaskedoncehislinewasset.“I’msupposedtomeetsomeonehere.Afriend,”sheadded,lookingaroundagain.“Idon’tseeheranywhere.”
“Can’tsaythatI’veseenanyonestandingaround.Exceptyou.Butthat’snottosaythatnobody’sbeenhere.Ikeepmyeyesonmyline,”hesaid.“Gottobequickoryoulose’em.”
Rachelcouldfeelherskinstartingtoburnasshewaited.Thesunwasstrong.Sheregrettednotputtingonsunlotion.Shehadn’texpectedtobeoutthatlongandcertainlyneverplannedtowaitatthejettyforHannahtoturnup.Racheldidn’tevenknowwhyshe’dcome.ShewasinNeapolistocoverthetrialforthepodcast.Shecouldn’thelpHannah.Shedidn’thavethetime.Thetrialwouldtakeupallherfocusandenergy.
Still,shedidn’tleave.Shelookedacrossthebeach.Therewasnobodyheadingtowardthejetty.Thebeachwasdesertednowthatthemanandhisdoghaddisappeared.Theoldcouplewho’dgivenherdirectionsearlierwereright.Nobodycamethereexceptforfishermen.
Agullsquawked.Rachelswiveledaroundtowatchitswoopdowntowardaschoolofsilverperch.Thefishdartedunderthejettytotakecover.Othergullssweptinandhoveredoverthewater,buttheperchremainedstubbornlyunderthejetty.
Thisisridiculous,Rachelthought.She’dwastedagoodpartoftheafternoonandshewasn’tgoingtowasteanothersecond.Shewasdonewaiting.
Asshewalkedbackdownthejetty,shenoticedagleamofmetal.Itwasapocketknife,stuckintothepostofatimberrail.Rachelsquatteddowntotakeacloserlook.Thepocketknifewasskeweringanenvelopeintothetimber.Theknife’sbladewaspushedintothewoodsodeeplythatRachelhadtouseallherstrengthtotugitfree,grabbingthepaperbeforeitfellbetweentheslatsofjetty.Itwasanenvelope.Hernamewaswrittenonitinwhatwasbecomingfamiliarhandwriting.
Rachelclosedtheknifeandputitinherpocket.Shetookacloserlookatthetimberpost.Someonehadcarvedaheartintothetimberexactlywheretheenvelopehadbeenpinned.Aninscriptionhadbeenpainstakinglypriedintothewoodwiththesharptipofaknife:InlovingmemoryofJennyStills,whowasviciouslymurderedherewhenshewasjust16.Justicewillbedone.
Rachelrememberedseeingafishermanslouchedonaredcoolerboxinthesamespotearlier.Thefishermanwasgone.
Shesatdownonthetimberdecking.Herlegshungoverthesideofthejettyassheopenedtheenvelope.Ithadabigholethroughitfrombeingpiercedbytheknife.
Rachelheardthefaintringofherphone.Sheretrieveditfromherbag.ItwasPete,buthehadalreadyhungupbythetimesheansweredit.He’dleftheravoicemailmessage.Shepressedherphonehardagainsthereartolistentohismessageabovethewind.
“Rach,IcalledTina,thestudentwhointernedforusinthespring.SheremembersgettingemailsaskingyoutoinvestigatethedeathofagirlcalledJenny.Shesentbacktheusualformletter.Thewriterwasn’thappy.Shewroteback.Beggedustohelpher.Tinasentanother‘rejection’note.Thenthewriterstoppedemailingus—”
ThelastpartofPete’smessagewasdrownedoutbyasuddenpealoflaughter.Teenagerswererunningontothejetty,makingitswayastheyclimbedoverthehandrailandjumpedintothewaveswithloudwhoops.Onesplashfollowedanotheruntiltheywereallinthewaterexceptforagirlwithlongblondhair,whostooduncertainlyonthenarrowledge,herbacktotherails.Theotherstreadedwater,waitingforhertojump.
“Comeon,”someoneshouted.
Thegirlhesitated.
“Jumpalready!”
Thegirltookadeepbreathandjumpedintothewater,splashingRachelandthenote.ThepaperwasdampandtheinkwasbleedingasRachelbegantoread.
6
Hannah
Rachel,IwrotetoyouaboutmysisterJennyfivemonthsago.Ireceivedaresponsefromyouroffice.Itwassignedbyyou,butIgottheimpressionthatyoudidn’twriteit.Intheletter,yousaidthatyouweredeeplysorrytohearaboutmytragedybutthatyouweren’tabletohelp.YouwishedmethebestofluckandsaidthatyouhopedthatI’dgetjusticeformysister.
Iappreciatethesentiment.Ireallydo.Atthesametime,andIhopeyoudon’tmindmesayingso,Idon’tseehowthatcouldpossiblyhappen.Notwithoutyourhelp.Thecopsgaveupalongtimeago.You’retheonlypersonwhocanhelpmenow.IfIdidn’tbelievethatthenIwouldn’thaveleftyouthatletteratthereststop.Youlookedflusteredwhenyoufoundit.Iwasn’tsurewhetheryou’dreadit.Butyoudid.Otherwiseyouwouldn’thavecometothejettyandyouwouldn’tbereadingthisnote.
IknowthatJennyisjustanametoyou,soIwantyoutounderstandwhatshemeanttome.Perhapsthenyou’llreconsider.
Jennyhadlongblondhairthecolorofcornandthesamepaleblueeyesasourmother.Lightfrecklesfleckedhernoseandcheekbones.Shehadawidesmilewithaslightgapbetweenherfrontteeththatshehated.Ialwaysthoughtitwashermostbeautifulfeature.
Jennywasmorethanmybigsister.Shetookcareofmewhenourmotherwasatwork,whichwasoften,sinceMomworkedtwojobsuntilherhealthwaned.Jennypickedmeupfromschoolandtookmetothesupermarket,wherewe’ddohomeworkinthestaffroomuntilMom’sshiftwasover.SometimesifMomworkedlate,we’dtakethebushomeandJennywouldfixdinner.Mysister’slossleftagapingholeinmyheartthathasneverhealed.
AfterJenny’sfuneral,Mom’sdeclinewasquick.Hercomplexionfadedintothelifelessgrayofadyingtree.Hereyeswereflat.Shemovedslowlywiththelistlessnessofanoldwoman.Mosttroublingofall,forthefirsttimesinceshe’dbeendiagnosedshemadenoefforttohidehersuffering.
BeforeJennydied,Momwouldpicklemonsfromourtreeandjuicethembyhandtomakeapitcheroflemonade.Allthewhile,she’dtalkenthusiasticallyaboutplansforthesummerandapromisedroadtripthefollowingyear.Thoughmaybeeventhensheknewthatitwouldneverhappen.
AfterJennydied,therewasnothing.Nohope.Noplans.Nothoughtsaboutthefuture.Momstoppedfighting.Shecapitulated.Withoutawilltolive,thoserelentlessinvaderssurgedthroughherbody,leavingdevastationintheircancerouswake.
Dayandnight,shelayinbedfacingthewall,staringatphotosofJenny.Itwasalmostasifsheturnedherbackonlife.Andme.WithinweeksofJenny’sdeath,mymother’scasketwasloweredintothegroundalongsideJenny’sgrave.Iwasn’tthereforthefuneral.Iwasinthehospital.
WhenIwasfeelingbetter,thepsychologist,aprettywomanwithaheart-shapedfaceandshortdarkhairwhosenameIhavelongforgotten,offeredtotakemetothecemeterysoIcouldlayflowersattheirgraves.Shesaiditwasimportanttosaygoodbye.IignoredherofferasIsatinmyusualspotonthefloorbythehospitalwindows,huggingmykneestomybodyasIlookedthroughtheglasspanesathedgesclippedtorectangularperfection.
Ihaven’ttoldthistoalivingsoul,butifI’dgonetothecemeteryandstoodbymymother’sandsister’sgravesthenIwouldhavefoundawaytojointhem.FortheyweretheonlyfamilythatIhadeverknownandthepainattheirlosssearsmysoultothisday.
Ineverreturnedhome,thoughIremembereverynookandcrannyofoursimplehouse.Welivedsouthoftown,inlandfromthebeach.Momcalleditno-man’s-land,becausetherewasnothingmuchthereexceptforus.
Itwasanoldtwo-bedroomhousewitharustyflatroofthatleakedwhenitrainedhard.Wehadanovergrowngardenoffruittreesintheback.HangingfromanappletreewasaropetiedtoanoldtirethatI’dswingonwhileMomhungclothesonthewashingline.Thathouseandherbeaten-upstationwagonwereaboutallwehadintheworld.
Idon’tremembermuchaboutmytimeatthehospital.Isatbythebaywindowmostdays,thinkingabouthome.ItwasfrommyusualperchthatIsawamanandwomanarriveoneafternoon.Hewalkedwithapronouncedlimp.ShewassoftandachedwithamaternalneedthatIcouldsenseasIwatchedthemthroughtheglasswindow.
Theyshuffledacrosstheslopinglawntothehospitalentrance.Theirpacewasexcruciatinglyslow.Isilentlyurgedthemon.Sheheldhisarmtosupporthimastheyclimbedthestairstothemaindoors,andthendisappearedoutofmylineofsight.
Iknewwithouthavingtobetoldthattheywerethecouplewhohadofferedtofosterme.I’dalreadyinformedthepsychologistinnouncertaintermsthatIwouldnotlivewithstrangers.ShesaidthatIneededafamilythatwouldlovemeastheirown.Itoldherthatnofamilywouldlovemethewaymyrealfamilyhaddone.
Ittooktime,buteventuallyIrealizedIcouldn’tstayatthehospitalforever.Afosterfamilywasmyonlyoption.IhadnorelativesthatIknewof.Iaskedthepsychologistifthecoupleshe’dtoldmeabouthadotherchildren.Shesaidtheyhadn’tbeenblessedinthatway.Iaskedwhyandshetoldmethatsheguesseditwasbecausehe’dbeenhurtinawarandthatithadtakenalongtimeforhimtoheal.
IlearnedmuchlaterthatHenrywasinjuredfiveweeksintohisfirsttourofVietnam,whenagrenadeexplodedinaditchnotfarfromwherehelay.Hespentmoretimeinrehabilitationthanhehadonthebattlefield.
AsurgeonataU.S.militaryhospitalsavedhimbystoppingthebleedingandremovingwhatevershrapnelhehadtimetopulloutinthemeatballsurgerytheydidinthosebattlefieldhospitals.TheshardsheleftbehindcausedHenryterriblepainfortherestofhislife.Henrywasakindmanwhospokelittleandleftittohiswifetorunthehousehold.HernamewasKate.HenryalwayscalledherKitty.
OnthedayIfirstmetthem,theywalkedintothehospitalrecreationroom,theireyesonlyonmeasIstooduncertainlywhileintroductionsweremade.BeforeIcouldsayawordKittyembracedmewithplumparmsandthescentofjasmine.Itwasprobablyonlyasecondortwo,butIcouldhavestoodlikethatforhours.Inherarms.ForthefirsttimesinceJennydied,Ifeltsafe.WhenJennydied,mymothersurrenderedtodeath.NowIembracedlife.Icherisheditandprotecteditasifitwerethesputteringflameofacandle.Icouldn’tlookback.Onlyforward.Ormylifewouldbeunendurable.
InthemonthsthatfollowedImovedtoKittyandHenry’sgracefulhomeacrossthestate,neartheAppalachianfoothills.Iworeprettycottonclothesinshadesofpastelandwhite.Isleptinacreamfour-posterbedinanupstairsbedroom.Henrypaintedthewallsadustypink.Kittyplaitedmyhairanddrovemetoschoolanddanceclassandsoccerpractice.Nothingwastoomuchforthem.
WhenmyartteachertoldKittythatIhadtalent,Kittyarrangedextraclasseswithaprivateteacher.Shecoveredherlivingroomwallswithmycreations,eventhosethatonlyaparentcouldlove.Timepassedandweblendedintoafamily.Ican’trememberexactlywhentheadoptionwentthrough.Imusthavebeenaroundthirteen.
Duringthosefirstweeks,KittysleptonanarmchairinmyroomwhenIwokescreamingduringthenight.Eventuallytheyboughtmeanight-light.Iusedthatnight-lightthroughoutmychildhoodoutofpoliteness.Itneverstoppedthenightmares.Notonce.
MynightterrorsbecamesobadthatwhenIwenttocollegemyroommateaskedtobereassigned.Shesaidthatshecouldn’tlivewithsomeonewhoscreamedasifshewerebeingmurdered.Ilearnedtostiflemyscreamsbyburyingmyheadinmypillow.
Imadeanappointmentatthecollegecampusmedicalclinicandaskedthedoctorforaprescriptionforsleepingtablets.HesuggestedIconsidertherapy.ItoldhimthatIwasjustfinewiththemedication.Ifooledhim.Ididn’tfoolmyself.
7
GuiltyorNotGuilty
Season3,Episode2:TheShortcut
I’mstartingtogetafeelforNeapolis.Thepopulationhereisjustoverninety-sixthousand.Aroundaquarterofthataretheoriginaltownsfolk.Therestareimports,mostlymilitaryfamilies—therearetwomilitarybasesneartown—andretirees.There’sacottageindustryofretirementhomesforolderfolkdrawntothisisolatedbutbeautifulcoastalstripbyaffordablebeachfrontpropertyandtherelaxedlifestyleofasleepyseasidetown.
Beforetherelativelyrecentpopulationspike,Neapoliswasyourclassicsmalltown.Everyonekneweveryone.Infact,itstillhasthatsmall-townvibe.Thetownisonaweather-beatenstretchofNorthCarolinacoast.Itgetspummeledbystorms,andoccasionallybyhurricanes.Cartographerscanneverproperlychartthecoastline.Itchangeseveryyear.
Thelocalslovetheirwatersports:fishing,sailing,windsurfing,andseakayaking.Thereareshipwrecksalongthecoastforscubadivers,andagolfcourseforthosewhoprefertokeeptheirfeetondryland.
Despiteitsbeautifulbeachesandlaid-backatmosphere,Neapolishasn’ttakenoffinabigwaywithvacationers.I’mnotsurewhy.Maybeit’sbecauseit’sneverbeenabletoshakeoffitsblue-collarroots.Ormaybeit’sbecauseit’shardtogethere.There’snocommercialairportnearby.Notrain.It’sattheendofadead-endoffshootthatisitselfanoffshootofInterstateNinety-five.
There’sadecent-sizehospital.Acourthouseandalocalpaper,theNeapolisGazette.Flipthroughitspagesanditquicklybecomesapparentthatthepoliticalbenthereismoreredthanblue.
Localcuisine?I’llhavetogetbacktoyouonthatone,butI’vebeentoldthecrabsaroundherearesomethingspecial.
Theyhavealanguidwayoftalkingintheseparts.Asiftheyhaveallthetimeintheworld.Whichtheysortofdo,becausetheratracefeelsveryfaraway.Neapolisissurroundedbynationalparks,amarinereserve,andsomeexpansivebeaches.Thelocalssaythey’retheprettiestbeachesanywhere.FromwhatI’veseensofar,theycouldwellberight.
Speakingofsweepinglandscapes,you’veprobablyheardbackgroundnoisebehindmeasItalk.I’mnotinthestudiorightnow.MaybeyoucanfigureoutwhereIam?
I’llholdoutthemicrophonesoyoucanheartheambientnoise.Listenrealhard.
Canyouhearit?
It’sloud.Right?
There’sadefinitewhoosh.Likeawaterfall.
Exceptthere’snowaterhere.
I’mactuallyinthemiddleofabarrenfieldoflongwildgrass.Thatwhooshyouhearisgrassswayinginthewind.Weforgethowloudnaturecanbewhentherearenocarenginestomaskthemagicalsoundofawindblownfield.
IwantyoutoheartherustlingofwildgrassbecauseIwantyoutohearwhatKheardwhenshewalkedthroughthisveryfieldonthatfatefulnight.
Kisthenameofthevictim—sorry,allegedvictim—inthecasewewillbefollowingthisseason.Thispodcastfollowsacceptedpracticebymediaoutletstowithholdthenamesofvictimsofsexualassault.SoIwon’tbeusingherrealnameinthepodcasts.We’regoingtorefertoherasK.
ItwasaSaturdayafternoon.Nearlydusk.Thesunwaslowandthelightwasebbing.Itwasfall.ThefieldIamwalkingthroughrightnowwasburnishedinrustsanddarkautumngold.RunningalongthesideofthefieldisarowofdarkgreenfirtreesthatgiveitaforbiddingairreminiscentofaBrothersGrimmfairytale.
You’reprobablywonderingwhatbroughtasixteen-year-oldgirltoadesolatefieldclosetonightfall.ItwassomethingverysimplethatIbethappenedtoyouallatleastonceinyourlives:shemissedherbus.
KwasheadingtoherbestfriendLexi’shouseforasleepover.Bythetimeshereachedthebusstop,thebushadgone.Happenstothebestofus,right?SoKwalked.
Shehadtwochoices.Shecouldwalkalongthemainroad.Itwouldtakethree-quartersofanhour.Orshecouldcutthroughthisfield.Itwouldtakefifteen,twentyminutestops.ShechosethenarrowtrackwhereI’mwalkingrightnow.YoucanprobablyhearmyfeetcrunchonthedirtasIwalkdownthepath.
LetmedescribewhereIamrightnow.Oneachsideofthepathistallwildgrassthatreachesmywaist.Maybeevenhigher.I’mjustshortoffivefooteight,sothatgrassisprettydarntall.
IfIspinaroundandlookineverydirection,allIseeislongburnishedgrassandtheforestbeyond.There’snosignofcivilization.Nohouses.Noroads.Itfeelsstarkanddesolateinawaythatkindofmakesmenervous.IsuspectKfeltthesameway.
Ihavenoreasontobescared.I’mhereintheafternoon.Thesunisshining,andmyproducer,Pete,who’sinthehospitalrecoveringfromacaraccident,isonspeeddial.
That’snothowitwasforK.Shewashereatdusk.Alone.Nobodyknewshe’dcomethisway
SlungoverK’sshoulderwasabackpack,heavyfromtheweightofbeerbottlesshe’dbroughtfromhome.Herparentswereout,soshescrawledanoteexplainingthatshewassleepingatLexi’shouse.Sheleftitunderamagnetonthekitchenfridge.
WhatKdidn’tmentioninthenotewasthatLexi’sparentswereawayuntilthefollowingevening.They’dleftLexi’stwenty-year-oldbrother,Miles,incharge.HetoldLexihewasoutforthenightandthatshe’dbetterinviteafriendtokeephercompany.That’swhyLexiinvitedK.
Throughaseriesoftextsbetweenthetwogirlsoverthecourseoftheafternoon,theydecidedtheywouldthrowaparty.Nothingcrazy.Adozenfriends.Music.Beer.Maybethey’dallchipinmoneyandorderpizza.KwasrushingtoLexi’shousetogetreadyforthepartywhenshetookthisshortcut.
Iwonderifshefounditmenacing?
Ido.Isawadiscardedcrackpipeearlier.Rightnearmeisanemptyliquorbottletossedonthepath.Itsaysalotaboutthekindsofpeoplewhohangouthere.Atsomepoint,Kwouldhavefeltvulnerable.Perhapsshespedup.Movedfromafastwalktoajog.Maybeevenasprint.Thebeerbottlesinherbackpackwouldhaverattledloudlyassherandownthelonefield,pursuedbythewind.
Bytheway,IwalkedbothroutesfromK’shousetoLexi’s.Icantellyouthatfromapersonalsafetyperspective,bothoptionshavepotentialdangers.Sure,theshortcutthroughthefieldisisolated.Butthemainroadisn’texactlysafe.It’saquietruralroad.SeveralcarshonkedtheirhornswhenIwalkedthatwayearlier.Onecarsloweddownandthedriverleeredatmeashedroveby.Atleastitfeltthatway.
Twomenstoppedandofferedmearideintheiropen-backtruck.Theyseemedniceenough.TheyshruggedwhenIdeclined,anddroveon.Factis,though,thattherewasn’tanythingIcouldhavedoneifthey’dwantedtoforcemeintotheirtruckonthatlonelystretchofroad.Iwasattheirmercy.
It’sacointosswhichrouteissafer.Theshortcutversusthemainroad.Headsyougettherealiveandwell.Tailsyoudon’t.
I’mRachelKrall.ThisisGuiltyorNotGuilty,thepodcastthatputsyouinthejurybox.
8
Rachel
Thenightclerkissuedastrained“goodevening”asRachelenteredthehotellobbythroughtherevolvingglassdoorsandpassedthereceptiondesk.“Goodmorning”mighthavebeenmoreapt,givenitwaswellaftermidnight,thoughtRachel,flashingatiredsmileinreturn.Shehadspentmostoftheeveninginastudioshe’drentedatthelocalradiostation,recordingherlatestepisode.
AsRachelmovedfartherintothelobby,sheunderstoodthereasonforthenightclerk’sunease.Anunrulygroupofreal-estateconferenceattendeesweredrinkingbeerandshotsboughtbeforethehotelbarclosedforthenight.Therewasnostaffaroundtobreakitup,exceptthenightclerkandaporter,aganglyyoungmanwhowashalf-asleep.
SomeoneinthedrunkengroupfinishedtellingafoulmouthedstoryasRachelwalkedby.Theraucouslaughterthatexplodedafterthepunchlinebouncedoffthefauxmarblewalls.Theporterglancedupunhappily,toointimidatedtoaskthemtokeepitdown.
Oneofthemenstumbleddrunkenlytothebirdcage.Hepressedhisflushedfaceagainstthegildedbars.
“Sing,”hebellowed.“Sing,goddamnit.Whatkindofstupidnightingaleareyou?”
Whenthatdidn’twork,hesangalinefromasongashisfriendslaughed.Thebirdwassilent.Themanwhistledandthentappedthecagewithhisknuckles.Thebirdfluttered,visiblydistressed.
“IfIheardyoursingingvoiceupclose,Marty,I’dbeterrified,too,”someonecalledoutfromtheirtable.Morelaughter.ItfadedasRachelenteredtheelevatorandthedoorsclosed.
Rachel’sfloorwasdimlylitwhenshesteppedoutoftheelevatorandwalkeddownthelongcarpetedcorridortoherroom,passingroomservicetraysleftforcollectiononthecarpetoutsidehotelroomdoors.Rachelenteredherroomandlockedthedoorbehindher,leaningagainstitasshesighedheavily.Ithadbeenanincrediblylongday.
AsharpstabinRachel’sstomachremindedherthatshehadn’thadtimetoeatwhileshewroteandrecordedthepodcastallevening.Sheconsideredorderingroomservicebutdecidedshe’dmakedowiththefoodintheminibar.Sheateapacketofcashewsanddrankabeerstraightfromthebottleasshelistenedbacktotherecordingshe’djustfinished.Satisfiedwithwhatsheheard,RachelemailedtheaudiofilestoPetetoeditwhenhewokeinthemorning.
Petehadinsistedthathe’deditthepodcastepisodesonhislaptopwhileinthehospital.Hetoldhertherewasnothinginhisjobdescriptionthathecouldn’tdofromabed.Anyway,he’djoked,itwastheleasthecoulddoafterpickingtheworstpossibletimetogethimselfalmostkilled.AfewdaysbeforePetehadbeenduetotraveltoNeapolis,hewassideswipedbyadeliveryvanwhileridinghismotorcycletowork.Hisbikespunoutofcontrolandhewasthrownintothestreet.Herolledintothegutterandpromptlylostconsciousnessasthetrafficlightchangedtogreen.
Afewsecondsearlier,orlater,andPetewouldhavebeencrushedtodeathbeforehecouldgetclearoftheincomingtraffic.Hewaslucky,butnotluckyenoughtowalkawayunscathed.He’dsustainedafracturedshoulderandmultiplebreaksinhisleftleg.
Petewasintractionintheorthopedicward,wherehewasexpectedtoremainforafewmoredaysbeforebeingsenthometocontinuehisrecovery.
PetehadbeenwithRachelfromthestartofherjourneyintopodcasting.She’dhadabackgroundasanewspaperreporterandzeroexperiencemakingpodcastswhenshestartedSeason1.Petetaughthereverythingheknewaboutproducingapodcast.Inreturn,shegavehimacrashcourseininvestigativejournalism.
Theymadeagoodteam.Rachelwasintenseandfocused.Shecouldoccasionallybewrackedwithself-doubt,butshewasincrediblytenacious.Peteknewaudioproductionlikehehadbeenbornmixingsound.Ifthatwasn’tenough,hehadarealknackwithsocialmedia.Mostimportant,hetookcareofallthedistractionssothatRachelhadthetimetodivedeepintoaninvestigation.
RachelwasquietlyrelievedatPete’sdeterminationtokeepworkingdespitehisinjuries.He’ddoneahugeamountofworksettingupthenewseason,andshefeltitwaswrongtoreplacehimwithanotherproducer.
Rachelcheckedhercomputer.Theaudiofileshadgonethrough.Sheloosenedherhairandarrangedherpajamasforbed.
AhousekeepingattendanthadcomeintoherroomtodoturndownservicewhileRachelwasrecordingattheradiostation.ThedrapesRachelhadleftopenweredrawnandthecrispsheetsofherbedwereneatlyfoldeddown.Aminiatureboxofchocolatessatonherpillow
Alongsidetheboxwasaletterfromthehotel,informingherthatthetouristbrochureshe’drequestedwasattached.Someoneonthehotelstaffmusthavemixedherupwithanotherguestshethoughtassheopenedaglossyleafletattachedtothecoverletter.
Itwasabrochureofthelocalcemetery,whichthefrontcoverdescribedasoneofthetown’sheritagehighlights.Accordingtothebrochure,thecemeterydatedbacktotheRevolutionaryWarandtherewereanumberofgravesofhistoricinterest.
Thebrochureincludedadouble-pagespreadwithamapofthecemeteryononesideandalistofnotablegravesontheother.Rachel’sheartskippedabeatwhenshesawthatanamehadbeenaddedatthebottomofthelist.SomeonehadwrittenJennyStillsinbluepen.Acorrespondinggravewascircledwiththesameblueinkonthemap
ThistimeHannahhadcrossedaline.TherewassomethinginsidiousaboutthewaythismessagehadbeensenttoRachel,leftonherbed.ItwasasifHannahwantedRacheltoknowthatshecouldgettoheranywhere,evenintheprivacyofherhotelroom.
IfthiswassupposedtointimidateRachelthenitfailedbadly.Itinfuriatedher.Shemarchedtothelobby.Thedrunkenguestsfromearlierweregone,theirusedshotglassesstrewnacrosstheirtables.Discardedbeerbottleslayontheirsides,amberliquidtricklingout.ThenightclerkatReceptionlookedupinsurpriseasRachelapproached.
“I’minroomfour-oh-one-four,”Rachelsaid.“Doyouknowwhythisbrochurewasleftinmyroom?”
ThenightclerktookamomenttoretrievethecomputerrecordsassociatedwithRachel’sroom.“There’sanoteinthesystemthatsaysyoucalledthereceptiondeskatsixP.M.andaskedforthebrochuretobebroughttoyourroom,”theclerksaidwithaneutralexpressionthatdidn’tquitehidethefactthatshethoughtRachelwasaravinglunaticformakingafussoverabrochure.
“Itwasn’tme,”saidRachel.“Ididn’tcontactthehoteltodayatall.”
“Thenitmustbeforanotherguestandourstaffmixeduptheroomnumbers,”saidtheclerk,confusedathowsuchamistakemighthavehappened.“Eitherway,I’mterriblysorryforanyinconvenience.”
Rachelknewitwasn’tamix-upandshedidn’tlikethesituationonebit.Firstthenoteonherwindshield.Thentheletterskeweredtothejettywiththebladeofapocketknife.NowatouristmapleftonherhotelroompillowwithJennyStills’sgraveclearlymarkedonitspages.
“Doyourecordallyourcallsfortrainingandqualitypurposes?”Rachelaskedtheclerk.
“Yes,wedo,ma’am.”
“I’dliketolistentothecallfromearlierinwhichIsupposedlycalledtorequestthebrochure,”Rachelsaid.
TheclerkretrievedtherecordingofthecallfromthecomputerandplayeditbackforRachel,whohadtoleanoverthecountertoheartheaudioproperly.AwomanhadcalledthehotelandinapoorattemptatmimickingRachel’svoicehadaskedforabrochurethathadbeenleftforherattheconcierge’sdesktobebroughtuptoherroom.
“Doesthatpersonsoundlikeme?”Rachelaskedwhentherecordingwasover.
“No,ma’am.Itdoesn’t,”saidthereceptionclerk,swallowingnervously.“It’sverystrange.I’llaskthemanagertolookintoitfirstthinginthemorning.”
Rachelaskedtheclerktonoteinherfilethatmovingforward,nobodyhadherpermissiontoenterherroomotherthanthemorningcleaner.Noturndownservice.Noroomaccess.Nomailormessagesleftforherinherroom.She’dcollectitallinpersonfromReception.“And,please,”sheadded,“makesurethatmyroomnumberisnotdivulgedtoanyone.”
Withthatshewentbacktotheelevator,hereyesblurredfromexhaustion.WhenRachelreachedherfloor,shewalkeddownthecorridor,passingthepeepholesofonecloseddoorafterthenext.Theroomservicetrayshadbeencollected.Onlyonetraywasleftlyingonthecarpet.ItwasonthefloorrightoutsideRachel’sdoor.
Rachelpickedupthetrayandremovedthestainless-steelclochetorevealahamburgerandfries.Itwasexactlywhatshewouldhavechosenifshe’dorderedroomservice.Underthecutlerywasanenvelope.Withhernameonit.
Rachelturnedaround.Thecorridormovedoutoffocusasshelookeddownthelong,silentpassagewayofflickeringlightsandrowsofpeepholesthatseemedtobewatchingher.Theelevatorchimed,butthedoorsdidn’topen.
9
Hannah
Ihopeyou’reenjoyingNeapolis,Rachel.It’samajesticcoastline.Postcardpretty.Don’tletthatlullyouintoafalsesenseofsecurity.Alwaysrememberthatit’sbeautifulonthesurface.Underneath,it’streacherous.Itshouldneverbeunderestimated.
Ioweyouanapology,Rachel.Itwasterriblemannersonmypart,invitingyoutothejettyandthenstandingyouup.Theinvitationwassincere.Itrulyhopedwecouldmeetinperson.Intheend,Ifoundittoooverwhelming,returningtoMorrison’sPoint.Ihadasuddenflashofmemory.Itleftmeshakingandsuckedthebreathoutofme.Icouldn’tstandtobethereamomentlonger.Ihadtoleave.Youcan’timaginewhatshewentthroughthatnight,Rachel.
Forme,thepastislikeanoverexposedphotograph:soblindinglybrightthatitcan’tbelookedatwiththenakedeye.Filledwithmomentstoopainfultorecall,beyondthefainttasteofabittersweetmemorylostintime.
BeinghereinNeapolisforthefirsttimesinceIwasachild,I’vecometotheconclusionthattoovercomemypast,Imustrememberit.Everydetail.Fromthepoignant,tothetrivial,to,yes,eventhehorrifying.
WhenIreturntoafamiliarplace,orstumbleacrossascentthattakesmebacktomyearlychildhood,oreventasteafoodIhaven’teatensinceIwasyoung,Iglimpseasnapshotofforgottenmemories.Ithelpsmeremember.Funnilyenough,writingyoutheselettershelpsaswell.
It’sexcruciating,thislancingofmyemotionalwounds.IfI’maskingtoomuchofyoutosharetheburdenthenfeelfreetoripupmyletters.Iwon’tjudgeyou.ButI’llkeepwriting,nevertheless.Ifindtheseletterscathartic.Itmaytakemeawhiletogetmystoryout.SomeofitisburiedsodeepthatIneedtimetodigestitbeforeformulatingitintowords.
Sowherewerewe,Rachel?Iremembernow.Iwastellingyouaboutmymom.Atfirstshewavedoffherdiagnosisasablip.Anotherobstacletoovercomeinalifetimeofhurdles.Eightmonthsafterherdiagnosis,shewassickerthaneverandtryingtopretendtherewasnothingwrong.
Onthefirstdayoftheschoolvacation,Mominsistedondroppingusatthebeach.Shestoppedherbeat-upsedaninthedirtparkinglot,leavingthesplutteringenginerunningwhileshepoppedthetrunk.Jennywentouttoretrieveourbeachbagandtowels.
WithJennytemporarilydistracted,Momslippedmecash.
“Ice-creammoney,”shewhispered.“Don’ttellJennywhereitcamefrom.She’llmakeyougiveitback.”Ibuncheditupinmyfist.
“Havefun,”Momsaid,blowinguskissesasshejerkedthecarintomotion.Shewasheadingtothehospitalforanappointment.“I’llexpectyoubothatdinnertime.Notasecondbefore.”
“Sure,Mom,”saidJenny.Hervoicewasdrownedoutbytherattleofthecar.Itbadlyneededarepairthatitwouldn’tgetunlessitbrokedownentirely.Momhadn’thelddownaregularjobsinceshewasdiagnosed.Sheworkedwhenshewasable,whichwasbecominglessandlessfrequent.Whenshedidgetashift,shecamehomeashen.Itwouldtakeherdaystorecover.
Jennymusthaveseenmeslipthemoneysecretlyintothepocketofmyshortsaswewalkeddownthepathtowardthebeach.Sheknewmymotherbetterthanme.
“Giveitup.”Jennyheldoutherhand.
“Givewhatup?”Iasked,feigninginnocence.
“Youknowwhat.”
“Momgaveittome.It’sforicecream.”
“Wedon’tneedicecream.”Jennyheldoutherpalmforthemoney.
Ihandedoverthecrumplednote.Mom’slittlegambithadn’tworked.SometimesitfeltasifJennyweretheonlygrown-upinourfamily.
JennyandIfoundaspotonthesandnotfarfromtheMorrison’sPointjetty.Herschoolfriendsarrivedthroughoutthemorning.Theycongregatednearusinsmallsatellitegroupsofteenagers,lyingontowelsandlisteningtomusiconboomboxes.
Theboyswrestledwitheachotherorkickedaroundballsonthesand.Thegirlsrubbedeachother’sbackswithcoconutoilandcomparedtanlineswhilewatchingtheboyssurreptitiouslythroughthetintoftheirsunglasses.
Oblivioustotheanticsofteenagers,Ibuiltanelaboratesandcastlewithturrets,whichIdecoratedwithshells.Whentheheatintensified,Jenny’sfriendsabandonedtheirtowelstocooldowninthewater.
Thejettywashighandthewaterwasdeep,sothatonlythebravestdivedin.Theboyseggedoneachothertojump,hootinginderisionifsomeonechickenedout.Thegirlsmostlywadedintheirbikinisintothewaves,wheretheyswamandsplashedeachother.
Jennylayonhertowel,readingabookandlisteningtomusiconourtransistorradio.Occasionallysheliftedupherheadtoglancewistfullyatthesea.
Eventually,sheaskedifIwasallrightplayingaloneonthesandwhilesheswam.Ishrugged.Itdidn’tmattertomeeitherway,solongasJennydidn’tmakemejoinher.Ihatedswimming.Stilldo.MomandJennytriedtoteachme,butIalwaysflappedaboutandswallowedseawateruntilIranoutofthewavesintears,vowingnevertoswimagain.
Jennytossedhersunglassesontohertowelandtoldmenottogoanywhere.InoddedwithoutlookingupasIcontouredasandcastlewiththeedgeofashovel.
Someboyswho’dbeenjumpingfromthejettywolf-whistledasJennywalkeddownthesandinhercoralbikini.Isensedherself-consciousness,thoughshetriedtohideitbystandingtallerandpushingherlonggoldenhairbehindhershoulders.
Jennydidn’twadeintothewaterliketheothergirls.Shewenttothejettyandclimbedtothetopofthewoodenrails.Shebalancedlikeaflamingobeforedivingintothewaterinalowracingdivethatskimmedunderthesurfacewithbarelyasplash.Ihadtheimpressionthatitwasherwayoftellingthoseboystoleaveheralone.Sheemergedadistanceawayamongherschoolfriends,whowerechattingastheybobbedinthewaves.
Ireturnedtoworkingontheouterwallsofmysandcastle.Ashadowfellacrossthesand.Loomingovermewasoneoftheboyswho’dwolf-whistledatJenny.Hehaddirtybrownhairandpalegrayeyes.Heheldalitcigarettecasuallybetweenhisfingers.Hisfriendsupontheslopeofthebeachseemedtobewatchinghimwithraptattention.Ihadafeelingthathe’dbeensenttotalktomeonadare.
“Nicecastle,”hesaid.
“Thanks.”Ipressedmylastshellsintothesandtodecoratetheturrets.
“Myfriendwantstoknowyourphonenumber,”hesaid.
“Why?Whatdoeshewanttotalktomeabout?”
“Hedoesn’twanttocallyou,”hesaid,kickingatthesand.“It’syoursister.What’syournumber?”
“Idon’tknow.AndevenifIdid,itwouldn’tmatterbecauseourphone’snotworking,”Isaid.
Heshruggedandwalkedbacktohisfriendsuponthedune,leavingatrailofcigaretteashbehind.Whenhereachedhisfriends,heangrilyslappedthemoneyintotheirhandsasifhe’dlostabet.
Jennycameoutofthewaternotlongafter.
“Whatdidhewant?”sheasked,wipingthesaltwateroffherfacewithherbeachtowel.
“Nothing,”Isaid,deepinconcentrationasIusedmyhandstocompresssandintoamoat.
10
GuiltyorNotGuilty
Season3,Episode3:TheParty
LexilivesinasubdivisionafewmilesoutofNeapolis.It’scalledCrystalCove.Soundstomelikethenameofabeachfrontcommunity.ExceptwhenIvisitedCrystalCove,thefirstthingInoticedwasthattheoceanwasnowheretobeseen.Thesubdivision,withitscutenauticalname,iscutofffromthecoastbyaforest.There’snocrystalintheneighborhood,anddefinitelynocove.
CrystalCovewasbuiltonscrublandbyadeveloperwithlittleimagination.Thehouseslookfreakishlylikeclones.They’realllightblue-grayclapboardwithwhitetrim.Theyhavedoublegaragesandatticwindows.Eventhegardensareidentical.Theplacefeelslikeasocial-engineeringexperimentgonewrong.
WhenIvisited,therewerenokidsridingbikes.Nobodytendinggardenbedsormowinglawns.Nodogsbarking.
IrangLexi’sdoorbell.Sheopeneditwearingjeansandablackcroptopwithapinksparklymotif.She’scheerleaderpretty.Shoulder-lengthblond-streakedhair,brightblueeyes.Shewasfriendlyenough.Wetalkedforabit,butsheaskedmenottorecordher.
Lexihasgoodreasonforwantingtokeepalowprofile.You’lllearnwhylater.Fornow,let’sjuststickwiththeideathatLexiisthegirlnextdoor.Aprettyonewithlotsofcoolfriendsandafairbitofattitude.
WhenKarrivedatLexi’shouselatethatafternoon,theypulledthesofasoutofthewayandrolleduprugstopreparefortheparty.Theymadeahugebowlofpopcorn,choseaplaylist,andtestedoutthesoundsystem.ThefirstringatthedoorcamejustaftereightP.M.
BynineP.M.,thepartywasofficiallyoutofcontrol.They’dinvitedfifteenpeople.Fourtimesthatnumberturnedup.Halfthegueststheydidn’tknow.Manywerecollegeaged.Somewereevenolder.
Almosteveryonebroughtalcohol.Thekitchencounterwasladenwithbottlesofliquorandbeer.Piecesofpopcornlitteredthefloorlikewhiteconfetti.
Atsomepointinthenight,someone,nobodyeverknewwho,pouredcheapvodkaintoallthehalf-drunkbottlesofsodainthekitchen.Notanyvodka,either.Itwasabackyardmoonshinethatcouldstrippaintoffawall.Kdrankseveralcupsofsoda.Shehadnoideathatitwasspiked.Bythetimesherealizedit,shewasalreadydrunk.
AlotofwhatIknowaboutthepartyistakenfromvideossomeofthekidspostedontheirsocialmediafeedsthatnight.InthevideosthatI’veseen,Kisunsteadyonherfeet.Shepushesthroughthecrowdinthelivingroom,pausingtolaughandtalkwithfriends.Shelooksvisiblydrunk.Inthecorneroftheframeofonevideo,shecanbeseenlosingherbalanceandstumblingintosomeone.
ThepersonshebumpedintowasLouLowe.He’sabaseballpitcheronthehighschoolvarsityteam.He’stall,withfrecklesandstrawberryblondhair.Lexihaddatedhimafewtimes.Sheconsideredhimanex-boyfriend.Shewouldsometimestellherfriendsthatshewantedtogetbackwithhim.Thathewastheloveofherlife.Herfriendssaythatshetalkedthatwayaboutallherexes.ItwasLexi’swayofputtingupa“notrespassers”sign.
Louremembersthatnightwellbecauseofwhathappenedafterward.Here’swhatLouLowesaidwhenIspokewithhimearliertoday.
“Ihadatrainingsessionrealearlythenextmorning,soIcouldn’tdrink.Notevenabeer.IguessIwasmaybeoneoftheonlypeopleatthepartywhowasn’tdrunk.Irememberthatsheknockedintomeandsaidsomethinglike‘mybad.’Imadesomejokeabouthowshecouldbumpintomeanytime.Shethoughtthatwasfunnyandwestartedtalking.”
Afterawhile,Loupulledtheclassicline.HetoldKthatitwastoonoisytotalkoverthemusic.Hetookherbythehand,supposedlytofindsomewherequiettotalk.
Kallowedhimtopullheroutofthethrongofpartygoersdownthecorridor.Theywenttothelaundryroom,whereaglassslidingdoorledtoanoutdoorcourtyard.Severalpeoplesawthemdisappeartogether.Wordspreadlikewildfire.TherumorsreachedLexi.Shestormedthroughthehouselookingforthem,furiousthatherbestfriendhaddisappearedwiththeboywhoshehadsuddenlydecidedwastheloveofherlife.
Lexiclaimsthatshefoundthemmakingoutunderthelaundryline,betweenhangingbedsheets.ShetoreintoKwithaslewofaccusations.Mostofthemwereincomprehensible.Lexiwasdrunkandbarelycoherent.
LouwalkedoffinthemiddleofLexi’srant.HeleftKtotakethebruntofherfriend’sdrunkenfury.Hefeelsbadaboutthatnow.Hewondersifthingswouldhaveturnedoutdifferentlyifhe’dstayed.Bytheway,hesaysit’snottruethattheyweremakingout.HeinsiststhatLeximadethewholethinguptotrytojustifyheractionsafterwardandtopaintKinabadlight.
WhenLexiranoutofinsults,shewentinside,lockedtheglassslidingdoor,gaveKthefinger,andforaddedmeasurepulleddowntheblinds.KwasaloneinthedarkinLexi’sbackyard.Itwascoldout.Herjacketwasinside,alongwithherbackpackandhercellphone.
Kwalkedaroundthehousetothedriveway,whereshewaitedtocatcharidehomewithsomeoneleavingtheparty.Nobodyleft.Shestoodinthecoldaspeoplegawpedandlaughedatherthroughthelivingroomwindows.Leximovedamongtheonlookers,whisperingherversionofwhathadhappened.
KwastooproudtobegLexitoletherin,ortoasksomeonetocallherparentsanddealwiththeirquestionswhentheypickedherup.She’dgethomebyherself.Shewalkeddownthestreettowardthepathshe’dtakenthatafternoon.Thistime,itwasn’tdusk.Itwasnearlymidnight.Moredangerousthanever.
It’sacalculationwomenmakeallthetime.CatGirl,whomImentionedinEpisode1,hadtomakethecalculation,too.Shouldshewalkhomefromthebar,ortakeataxi?Shouldshecutthroughthepark,ortakethelongwayaround?Shouldshespeed-dialnine-one-onewhenshethoughtsomeonewasfollowingher?Shouldshe…
Well,youcouldgoonendlessly.Women,girls,wemakethesedecisionsallthetime.Convenienceversussafety.
Mostofthetimethingsworkoutfine.
Occasionallysomethingterriblehappens.
I’mRachelKrall.ThisisGuiltyorNotGuilty,thepodcastthatputsyouinthejurybox.
11
Rachel
Neapolis’soldcemeterylookedmorelikeasecretgardenthanaburialground.Itwassurroundedbyblackcast-ironfenceschokedbyovergrownivy.AsRachelpulledhercarintotheemptyparkinglot,sheknewitwasn’tthesmartestthingshe’deverdone,takingthebaitandturningupatthecemeteryfirstthinginthemorning.CuriositywasRachel’skryptonite.Alwayshadbeen.Alwayswouldbe.
Hermotherusedtowarnherthathercuriousstreakwouldgetherintotroubleoneday.Shewaswrongaboutonlyonething:ithaddonesonotoncebutmanytimesovertheyears.ItwasalsothesecretofRachel’ssuccess.
ItwasRachel’sinquisitivenaturethatdrewhertojournalism,anditwasherindefatigablecuriositythatpushedhertoinvestigatethecaseofateacherjailedformurderinghiswifeontheirsecondhoneymoon.Rachelfoundnewwitnesseswhowerenevercontactedbypolice,andotherevidencethatstronglyindicatedthehusband,awell-lovedhighschoolcoach,hadbeenwronglyconvicted.
Sheturneditintothefirstseasonofherpodcast.Itbroughthertonationalprominenceandrevivedherflaggingcareerjustasshewascontemplatingquittingjournalismandfindingwhatshejokinglycalledarealjob.Italsocausedatorrentofhatemailfrompeopleconvincedshehadhelpedamurderergofreewhenhisconvictionwasvacatedandhewasallowedhomependingaretrial.
ThatwaswhyPetewassoconcernedforhersafety.Hewouldhavehadafitifhe’dknownshewasatthegraveyardalone.Goingtherewaspotentiallyreckless,Rachelgrantedassheturnedthehandleofthegatetoenterthecemetery.Butshecouldn’tbringherselftostayaway.
ThegatecreakedasRachelpusheditopen.Shepaused,stillholdingontothehandleasshesurveyedshadowytombstonescoveredwithcreepers.Theygavetheimpressionthecemeterywasmorealivethandead.
Asuddenrustleofleavesstartledher.Thegateslippedoutofhergrasp,slammingshutbehindherwithaclangthatsentbirdsflyingintotheovercastsky.TheirpanickedwingsmimickedRachel’squickeningheartbeatasshemoveddeeperintothecemetery.Treebranchesinterlockedintothickcanopies,givingtheplaceadarksoulfulnessthatmighthavebeenquaintunderdifferentcircumstances.
ThemapflappedinherhandsfromthewindasRachelwalkedalongthecracked,cobbledpath,tryingtogetherbearings.Thecrumblingivy-coveredgravestoneswerearrangedinnoparticularorder.Theplotshadbeendugrandomlyinpastcenturies,beforethepracticeofarrangingthedeadinneat,parallelrows.Intheolddays,thedeadwereburiedinwhateverpatchesofsoilweresoftestandeasiesttodigout.Asaresult,thecobbledpathmeanderedunpredictablyintoaseriesofdeadends.Rachelhadtoretraceherfootstepsmorethanonce.
Themaplistedatrailofnotablegraves,allmarkedwithnumbersthatcorrespondedtoashorthistoricaldescription.Amongthemwasthegraveofaneighteenth-centurycabinboywhoservedonthepirateBlackbeard’sshipandwascapturedandexecutedforpiracy.Hewasburiedinarumbarrelinlieuofacoffin.
Fartheralongweregravesoflocalfigures,asenator,anineteenth-centuryindustrialist,andacousinoftheWrightbrotherswho’dinvestedintheaviators’earlyaeronauticaladventures.TherewasalsoasectionfromtheCivilWarthatincludedthegravesofelevenmembersofanall-blackbattalionofUnionsoldiers.
Rachelfoundapaththattookherthrougharowofsycamoretreesintothenewsectionofthecemetery.Itwasableakstretchofidenticalrowsofheadstones,vastlydifferentfromthehistoricgraveyard.Thelawnwasneatlymowed.Theheadstonesweremachinecarved.Therewerenocreepers,oroverhangingoaks.Itwasorderlyandsterile.
WiltingwreathsandflowerarrangementslyingongravesremindedRachelthatthesedeathswerestillmournedbylovedones.Aweatheredteddybearwasproppedonthegraveofastillbornchild.Arustytrainenginewasperchedonthetombstoneofayoungboy,itsredpaintpeeling.Theskyrumbled.Rachellookedup.Darkcloudswererollinginlikewavesabouttocrash.
Rachelhadn’tbroughtanumbrella.Shehopedtherainwouldholdoffuntilsheleft.ShehastilyfollowedthemapuntilshefoundtherowwhereJennyStills’sgravehadbeenmarkedatthefarend.Shewalkeddowntherowuntilshereachedtwoconnectedtombstonescarvedfromasimplegraygranite.
Thededicationsinscribedintheheadstonesconfirmedatleastsomebasicfacts.Jenny,beloveddaughterofHopeandsisterofHannah.Hope,belovedmotherofJennyandHannah.Onegravealongsidetheother.Amotherandadaughterwhodiedwithinthreeweeksofeachother.
Freshwildyellowdaisieswerescatteredacrossbothgraves.Someonehadbeenthererecently.ItmusthavebeenHannah,thoughtRachel.Shesquatteddowntotakeacloserlookandimmediatelynoticedfadinggraffitionthebottomoftheheadstone.ShewipedoffathincoatingofdirtuntilshewasabletomakeoutthefaintoutlineofawordonJenny’stombstone:WHORE.
AcoldchillranthroughRachel.Twenty-fiveyearshadpassedandsomeonestillwenttothetroubleofstoppingbyJennyStills’sgrave,nottolayflowersbuttoinsulther.Todehumanizeher.RachelhadheardthesamewordusedtodescribeKellyMoore,thecomplainantintheScottBlairtrial.WouldKellyhavetospendtherestofherlifebeingsmearedaswell?
Rachelsawnoothergraffiti,althoughshedidfindafadedtwo-tonedblueribbonamongoldleavespiledupatthecornerofJenny’sgrave.ItwastiedaroundabouquetofflowerssodesiccatedthatthedrypetalsturnedintodustinRachel’shandswhenshepickeditup.Attachedtotheribbonwasawater-stainedcard;theinkhadrunandthemessagewasunreadable.
Itbegantorain.Lightlyatfirst,andthenwithaferocitythatforcedRacheltorunforcover.Itfeltasiftheelementswerepursuingherassheran,deafenedbythecrackleofrainhittinghard,unyieldinggravestones.
Rachelsprintedthroughthecemeterygatetohercar.Sheclamberedintothedriver’sseat,drippingwet,stillholdingtheribbonandfadedcardfromtheoldbouquetshe’dfoundatthegrave.Sheshovedthemintoherglovebox.
ThedownpourwasheavyasRachelbackedout.Yetthroughthethickrelentlesspeltingofraindropsagainhercar,somethingcaughthereyeintherearviewmirror.Itwasawomanstandingbythecemeterygate,watchingher.WhenRachelturnedaroundforabetterlook,therewasnobodythere.
12
GuiltyorNotGuilty
Season3,Episode4:IntotheNight
I’mavisitorinthistown.Idon’tknowanyoneatall.SowhenI’mnotworking,I’mlisteningtolocaltalkradio.Itkeepsmecompany.Thatandmycallstomyproducer,Pete,who,incidentally,forthosewhohavewrittentoask,isonthemend.Heshouldbeoutofthehospitalverysoon.
ImissPete.It’slonelybeingontheroadwithouthim.Localradiohasbecomemycompanion.Pathetic,right?Asidefromkeepingmecompany,ithelpsmetakethetemperatureofthistown.Icantellyouthatit’sfeverpitchaheadofthetrial.
Onethemethatkeepscomingupisopinionsfromsomepeople—bynomeansall—suggestingthatKkindofbroughtthisonherself.Drinking.Hangingoutwithboys.Youknow,theusualBSwehearaboutrapevictims.Thisisasmalltownandtherehasbeenlotsofgossipaboutwhathappenedthatnight.Lotsofspeculation.
TodayIwasatthesupermarkettobuycandytofeedthatsweettoothofmine.AnargumentbrokeoutinthecheckoutlinenexttomeoverwhetherScottBlairwasguilty.Andevenifhewasguilty—toquotetheladyinfrontofmeintheline—“whetherhislifeshouldberuinedoveronedumbnightwithagirlwhoknewwhatshewasgettingherselfinforthesecondshegotintohiscar?”
Imanagedtorecordpartoftheargumentthatbrokeoutonmyphone.Iwanttoplayittoyousoyoucangetasenseofhowthelocalsfeelaboutthiscase.
“Shewasdrunk.Meansshecouldn’tconsent.”
Thatwasfromamomwithatoddlersittinginthebackofashoppingcart.
“Hewasdrunk,too.Howcouldheknowshedidn’tconsentifhewasdrunk?Itgoesbothways.Anyway,hislifeisruined.Whathappensifsomesluttygirltriestoruinmykid’slifebymakingstuffup?”
“Watchyourmouth,mister.”
“Hey!Youwatchit.”
“Ifshesaysithappened,thenIbelieveher.”
Thiswasfromtheladyworkingthecheckout.
Itwentonlikethatforawhileuntilvoiceswereraisedsoloudthatthestoremanagerthreatenedtocallthecops.Thistownissowoundupaboutthetrialthatitwillalmostbeareliefwhenitfinallystarts.Everyonehasanopinion,butnobodyseemstoknowanyfacts.Solet’stalkaboutwhatdidhappenthatnight.
ItwasclosetomidnightwhenKenteredthatbarrenfieldofwildgrassafterbeingkickedoutofLexi’sparty.Thepathwasslickandmuddy.Ithadrainedearlier.Kwouldhavehadtowalkslowlysoasnottoslip.
Thecoldairmighthavesoberedher.Perhapsenoughtorealizethatitwasareallybadidea,walkingtherealone.Sheprobablyconsideredturningback.Inthesamesituation,Imighthaveturnedback.Atleast,thesobermewouldhaveturnedback.
Thedrunkme,scaredandhumiliated,emboldenedbyalcohol,probablywouldhavedoneexactlywhatKdid.Yeah,ifIthinkaboutmyselfinthatsituation,thenIwouldhavekeptgoing.Turningbackwouldhaveamountedtodefeat.Kwouldn’thavewantedtogiveLexithesatisfaction.
Ataroundthehalfwaypoint,Kheardfootsteps.Someonewasrunningtowardher.Atall,broad-shoulderedmanemergedfromthedark.
Haveyoueverheardofthe“fight-or-flight”response?It’saninstincthardwiredintohumanstoeitherfightorfleefromdanger.Exceptturnsoutthat“flightorflight”isn’tthewholestory.
Expertsnowknowthatwhenfacedwithextremedangerfromwhichwecanseenowayout,humansfreeze.Justlikelizardsfreezeinthehopetheircamouflagewillprotectthemfromapredator.That’swhyit’snowcalledthefight,flight,orfreezeresponse.
SofromwhatI’velearned,Kdidn’trun.Shedidn’thide.Kfroze.Rightthereonthepathasthemancamecloser.Whenshesawhisface,arushofreliefwouldhaverunthroughher.Hewasafamiliarface,aseniorfromschoolwithanice-guyreputation.
HarrisWilsonhasdarkishhairthatflopsoverhisforehead.Thatnight,heworeadenimjacketoveragrayT-shirtandblackskinnyjeans.AccordingtoaphoneinterviewIdidwithhimseveralweeksago,hetoldKthatsheshouldn’tbewalkingtherealone.
“Andyoushould?”sheresponded.
“Probablynot.IthoughtI’dkeepaneyeonyou.Makesureyougethomesafe.”
“Idon’tneedcompany,”shereplied.“It’snobigdeal.Youcangobackifyou’rescared.”
Shewalkedoff,leavinghimbehindforaseconduntilhecaughtup.SilencefolloweduntilKaskedhowheendedupatLexi’sparty.HesaidheandafriendheardaboutthepartyonInstagramanddecidedtocheckitout.Thefriendwantedtostay.Hethoughtthepartywasboringandleft.
Eventually,thepathcameoutalongsideaneighborhoodplaygroundsurroundedbyhedges.Harrisliveddiagonallyoppositetheplayground.Klivedthreeblocksaway.
Theyhungoutintheplayground,rockinggentlyonadjacentswingsastheytalkedaboutLexi,andtheparty,andschool.
Harrishadaflaskofbourboninhisjacketpocket.Theysharedit.Itburnedherthroat,butitmadeherdrunkagainandrestoredtheeuphoriashe’dfeltattheparty.
TheylistenedtomusiconHarris’sphone.Heshowedherfunnymemes.Theydrankmorewhiskey.Betweenthetwoofthem,theyfinishedtheflask.
Emboldenedbythealcohol,Harriskissedher.Hesaidshekissedhimback.Theymessedaroundforabit.Nothingserious.Whenhetriedtotakethingsfurther,shepulledawayandpushedoffontheswinguntilshewasairborne.Hesaidhewasgoinghometogetajointfromhisbedroom.Remember,hishousewasrightacrosstheroad.
“I’llwaitforyouhere,”Kpromised.Sheputherheadbackandstaredatthestarsassheswungthroughtheair,whileHarrisranhome,leavingheraloneintheplaygroundinthemiddleofthenight.Thewindwhooshingintoherearswouldhavebeensoloudthatsheprobablydidn’thearfootstepsapproachuntiltheintruderwasstandingrightthere
Whathappenednextisatthecenterofthetrialthatstartsnextweek.We’lltalkaboutitinthenextepisodeofGuiltyorNotGuilty,thepodcastthatputsyouinthejurybox.I’mRachelKrall.
13
Rachel
RachelpulledthefleecehoodofhersweatshirtoverherheadbeforeclimbingoutofhercarinanondescriptstreetinNeapolis.Itwasafter11:00P.M.Mostpeopleintheneighborhoodhadturnedinforthenight.
Bedroomlightsshonedimlybehindpulled-downblindsontheupperfloorsofhouses.ThelightsofaTVsetflickeredfromawindowasRachelturnedacornerontothenextstreet.Shecountedthreehouses,allshroudedindarkness.Thefourthhousehadalightturnedonabovethegarage.Shewalkedtowardthelightandthendownapathalongsidethegarageintothebackofthehouse,whereaglassslidingdoorhadbeenleftunlocked.
KellyMoore’sfather,Dan,wassittingontheleatherarmchairinthecornerofhisoffice.Hiseyeswereclosedandhishandswerepressedtogetheragainsttheprofileofhisfaceasifhewasdeepinthought.Hehadlighthair,darkblondwithasprinklingofgray,andatannedface.Laughlinespermanentlycrinkledthecornersofhiseyes.
WhenheopenedthemtogreetRachel,hispaleblueiriseswerefilledwithbewildermentandexhaustion.He’dtakenhisdaughterKelly’srapeveryhard.Rachelknewthisbecauseshe’dspokentohimonthephonehalfadozentimesasshetriedtoconvincehimtomeetwithher.
Rachelpulledoffhersweatshirthoodtorevealherslightlyrumpledshoulder-lengthauburnhair.Hercheekswereglowingfromthenighttimewalk.
“Sorryaboutmakingyouparkablockaway.”Hestoodupabruptlyandquietlyshutthedoorthatconnectedhishomeofficetotherestofthehouse.“Ididn’twantanyonetoseeyourcarnearourhouse.Peopletalk.Especiallynow.”
DanMoore’sofficemirroredhispersonality.Everythingwasarrangedwithrazorprecision.Therewasasittingareawithawide-screentelevisiononthewall,aleathersofa,andtwoarmchairs.OntheothersidewasanL-shapeddeskandmetalfilingcabinets.Thewallsweredecoratedwithphotosofhiswifeandtwochildrenandhisnavalservice,allarrangedwithgeometricprecision.Hewasneat,disciplined,andclearlytookgreatprideinallhe’daccomplished.Especiallyhisfamily.
IthadtakenRachelweekstoconvinceDantotalktoher.Itwaseasyenoughgettingthedefendant’sside.ScottBlairandhisfamilyhaddoneseveralmediainterviews.Eventhoughtheirnewtriallawyerhadbannedfurtherinterviews,theBlairfamilystillworkedthemediabydripfeedingleaksfromtheirinnercircle.LeaksthatweredesignedtowhipupsympathyforScottandportrayhimasaninnocentyoungmanwhowasthevictimofavindictivegirl.
ItwasanopensecretinNeapolisthatKellyMoorewasthecomplainantintheBlairrapetrial,eventhoughthemediawaswithholdinghernamefrompublication.Theoretically,theanonymitygaveherameasureofprivacy,butDantoldRachelwhenthey’dlastspokenonthephonethatitwasadouble-edgedsword.ItsilencedKellyandherfamilyatatimewhentheBlairswereusingeverymeanspossibletowinpublicrelationspointsaheadofthetrial.
Itdidn’thelpthattheprosecutor’sofficehadinsistedthattheMoorefamilyrefuseallmediarequestsuntilafterthetrial,evenrequestsfromTVnewsnetworkspromisingtofilmKellyandherparentsasdarksilhouettesanddisguisetheirvoicestomaintainKelly’sanonymity.“Theprosecutor’sofficeisworrieditcouldbackfire.Hurtthecase.Wecan’tletthathappen,”he’dtoldRachelinapastconversationwhenshe’dpressedforaninterview.
DanMoore’sviewhadchangedthatmorningwhenhereadanarticleintheNeapolisGazettethatquoted“friendsoftheBlairfamily”assayingthatScottwasseverelydepressed.“He’slosteverything.Hiscareer.Hisfriends.Hisgoodname.Therearedayswhenhewondersifthereisanythinglefttolivefor.Heisstrugglingtocope.It’sheartbreakingseeinghimlikethis,”anunnamedfamilyfriendtoldreporters.
WhenDansawthearticle,hefeltasifhe’dbeensucker-punched.Hisdaughter,withwhomhe’dalwayshadacloserelationship,nowshrankifhecamenearher.Hecouldn’tsomuchasbendtowardhertopressagoodnightkissagainsthertemplewithoutherflinching.She’dsitforhoursscratchingherarmsuntiltheskinwasraw.Shebarelyate.Shewasmorose.Uninterestedineverything.She’dchangedalmostbeyondrecognitionsinceshewasraped.
DanwassofuriousthatScottBlairwasbeingpresentedasthevictimtothepublicthathetelephonedRachelthatafternoon,hisvoicestilltremblingwithangerwhensheansweredhiscall.Hetoldherthathewasreadytotalk.Shewasn’tallowedtoquotehim,butatleastshe’dknowKelly’ssideofthestory.TheonlyprovisowasthatRachelhadtocometohishouseandshehadtodoitlateatnightafterhiswifeanddaughterwereasleep.
RachelhelpedDangetcomfortablewithherbyaskingastringofquestionsaboutKelly’schildhood.Hereeledoffhisdaughter’smanyaccomplishments.Shewasagoodstudent,athletic,andagreatdancer.She’dwonaleadroleintheschoolmusicalinjuniorhigh.HetoldRachelthatoneofhisproudestmomentsasafatherwaswhenKellyaskedherfriendsfordonationsforhurricanevictimsinHaitiinlieuofpresentsforherfourteenthbirthday.“Kellywasalwaysfullofenergy.Shewantedtochangetheworld,”hesaid.“Thesedaysshecanbarelygetoutofbed.”
RachelexaminedaframedphotoofKellywithherparents,takenafterthejuniorhighmusical.Kellyhadthesamelustrousdarkhairanddimplesashermother.Herhazeleyessparkledinthephotoasshesmiledforthecamera.
“Youwouldn’trecognizeKellynow.She’sadifferentgirl.Inappearanceandinpersonality.Allthatconfidence;gone.She’sgauntandsoonedgeweworryshe’sgoingtoshatter,”Dansaid.
“Itsoundsasifthepastfewmonthshavebeenincrediblydifficult.NotjustforKellybutfortherestofthefamilyaswell,”saidRachelsympathetically.
“Youcan’tbegintoimagine,”saidDan,unconsciouslyrubbinghistemple.“ThefamilyofthatanimalhavehiredapublicrelationscompanytohelpthemportrayScottasavictimofanunhingedteenagegirlwhoturnedonhimwhenhedumpedher.They’lllietheirwaytoanacquittal.Peoplewillbelievethem.Theyalreadydo.”
“Whathappenedthatnight?I’veheardscrapsofinformation,butIhaven’theardKelly’sstory.”
“Itoldyouonthephone,theprosecutorspecificallysaidweshouldn’tdiscussKelly’stestimony.Ican’tsayanythingthatcouldjeopardizeourcase.”
“Iwon’ttelltheDA’soffice,ifyoudon’t,”Rachelpushed.
“Mydadwasacop.Iwastaughttorespectofficersofthelaw,”heresponded.
RachelhadbeenintownlongenoughtolearnthatDanMoore’sdadwasthetown’slegendarypolicechief,RussMoore,who’dservedfornearlytwodecades.AstreethadbeennamedafterRussMoorewhenheretiredfromtheforce.SomeofthelocalsintheBlairfamilycampsaidthecaseagainstScottBlairwassoweakthathewouldneverhavebeenchargedifKellyhadn’tbeenRussMoore’sgranddaughter.RachelwascurioustoseewhatRussMoorelookedlike,andshewasalittledisappointedthatDandidn’thaveasinglephotographofhisrenownedfatherinhiscollectionofframedfamilyphotosondisplay.
“Youdidn’twanttofollowinyourdad’sfootstepsandgointolawenforcement?”Rachelasked.
“Itwasn’teasybeingthesonofthepolicechief.Ineededtofindmyownway,”Danexplained.“Thenavygavemethatopportunity.”
DanhadreturnedtoNeapolisafterleavingthenavyandstartedamoderatelysuccessfultourboatbusiness.Heemployedfivepeoplefull-timeandanothertenduringthetouristseason.Hehadfourcruisersandacoupleofspeedboats.Theywereownedmostlybythebank.
“I’vebeenthrowingmyselfintoworkthelastfewmonths.It’speakseason.Eventhoughthetrialiscomingup,there’snotmuchIcandoexceptbethereforKelly.I’mgratefulwehavethebestprosecutoraroundonthecase.Ifanyonecangetthatsonofabitchlockedup,thenit’sMitchAlkins.He’salwaysbeenafighter.Evenwhenhewasinpreschool.”
“SoyouknewAlkinsgrowingup?”Rachelasked.
“Oh,sure.Wewereinthesamegradeatschool.ThenhewentofftoGeorgetownandbecameahotshotdefenseattorney.Madealotofmoneyandabignameforhimself.Nowhe’sbackhereasDA.Saidhemissedtheoldplace.Gaveitalluptocomehome.”
RachelknewMitchAlkinsbyreputationonly.Hehadbeenagun-for-hiredefenseattorneywhoseclientlistreadlikea“Who’sWho”ofscumbags.Allrich.Theyhadtobe,topayhisfees.Nobodyelsecouldaffordhim.Thenaboutthreeyearsago,hethrewitallin,returnedtohishometown,andleftcriminaldefenselawtobecomeaprosecutor.
“Youdon’tfinditstrangethatMitchellAlkinsisprosecutingarapecaseafterspendingmostofhiscareerdefendingsomeofthemostsavagerapistsandmurderersimaginable?”Rachelasked.
“Idon’trightlyknowwhyMitchbecameaprosecutor.Idon’tcare,either.Heisbackonthesideofgood.Ifanyoneisgoingtogetaconvictioninthiscase,it’sMitch.He’sthebestofthebest.I’veknownhimsincewewerethishigh.”Heheldhishanduptokneelevel.
“Doeseveryoneknoweachotherhere?”
“Noteveryone.Newcomershavebeenpouringinoverthepastfewyears.Butsure,thoseofuswhogrewuphereandwhoseparentsgrewuphereknoweachother.Morethanwewouldlikesometimes.”
“Thedefendant’sfathergrewuphere,too.GregBlair.Didyouknowhimasakid?”Rachelasked.ThequestionpromptedanawkwardsilencefromDanMoore.
“GregandIwerefriendswhenwewereyoung,”heansweredstiffly.“Wegrewuptobeverydifferentpeople.Wehaven’tbeenfriendsforalongtime.Hetriedtocontactmeafterithappened.Ithinkhewantedmetoaskthepolicetobackoffsowecouldsortitoutbetweenus.Idon’tknowwhathewasexpecting,thatScottcouldapologizetoKellyforwhathedid?Thatallwouldbeforgotten?Itoldhimwherehecouldshoveit.”
“YoubothwenttoNeapolisHigh?”
“Inthosedaystherewasonlyonehighschool.EvenJudgeShawwentthere.Hewasfouryearsahead.Ineverknewhimexcepttosay‘hi.’Youlookshocked.”Helaughed,takinginRachel’ssurprisedexpression.“Goaheadandsayit:thistownisinbred.Nodoubtaboutit.”
“WhatwasAlkins’sreputationlikeatschool?”Rachelasked.
“Evenatschool,Mitchwasintimidating.Hewassmartasawhipwithagildedtonguetoboot.Thatisalethalcombination.Hewillgetaguiltyverdict,”heassuredRachel.“Strangehowlifebringsoldfriendsbacktogether.Beforethistrial,wehadn’tbeenintouchsinceschool.That’sagoodtwenty-fiveyearsago.Igraduatedin’92.”
RachelthoughtbacktoJennyStills’sgravestoneinthecemetery.Thesummerof’92wasthesummerthatJennyStillshaddied.Itwasasmallenoughtowninthosedaysthatherdeathwassurelyingrainedinthememoriesofherschoolmates.Ormaybenot?Rachelfigureditcouldn’thurttoask.
“Whenyouwereatschool,didyouknowagirlcalledJennyStills?Shewasprobablyasophomorewhenyougraduated.”
“JennyStills?”Hepaused,deepinthought.“I’msorry.”Heshookhishead.“Schoolwasalongtimeago.Idon’trememberalotofpeople.Whyareyouasking?”
“Shediedthesummeryouwouldhavegraduated.Ithoughtmaybeyouknowwhathappened.”
“Iwasn’taroundthatsummer.Leftforvacationnotlongaftergraduation.ByAugust,Iwasinthenavy.Bootcamp.TheyranussohardIdon’trememberanythingotherthanthepain.”
Bythetimetheywerefinishedtalking,itwaswellaftermidnight.DanofferedtowalkRacheltothecar,butsherefused.Rachelwouldn’tbecowed.Itwasapromisethatshe’dmadetoherselfyearsearlierwhenthecopstoldallthegirlsintheneighborhoodnottowalkaroundatnightafterCatGirlhadbeenviciouslyrapedandstranglednearherapartment.
Rachelhaddecidedthenthatshewouldnotbeintimidated.Notbyanything.Oranyone.Certainlynotbythedark.
Danletheroutthroughthefrontdoor,turningontheporchlightashewatchedhernavigatedownthegardenpathway.Asshereachedthestreet,sheheardthedoorcloseandthemetallicclickofabolt.LeavesscrapedagainsttheasphaltinthelightbreezeasRachelwalkedintoacloakofdarkness,downthedesertedstreettowardhercar.
Aftersheturnedthecorner,sheheardfootstepsbehindher.Itsoundedasifshewasbeingfollowed.Whensheturnedaround,shesawnothingbutshadows.Shewalkedfaster.Morefootsteps.Shewonderediftheywereherownandshewasscaringherself.
Shecrossedtheroadonadiagonalandclickedherkeystounlockhercar.Itbeepedandthelightsturnedon.Racheljumpedinsideanddrovebacktothehotel.
14
Rachel
Racheldidn’tsomuchastwitchwhenhercellphonefirstrang.Eventually,thefamiliarringtoneregisteredsomewhereinherexhaustedbrain.Shereachedoutherhandfromunderthecoversandturnedoffthephonewithoutwaking.Sheburiedherheadunderawhitepillowandsankbackintoaheavysleep.
Theold-fashionedpealofherhotelroomphonerudelywokeherafewminuteslater.Racheljerkedthephoneconsoletowardher.Ittoppledontothebedassherandomlypressedbuttonswithhereyesclosed.Allshewantedtodowasshutthethingupandgobacktosleep.Whennothingworkedandtheinsistentringingcontinued,shepulledthephoneunderthecovers.
“Who’sthis?”shecroaked.
“It’sPete.”
“Pete?Why’reyoucallingmeinthemiddleofthenight?”sheasked,hereyesstillclosed.
“It’smorning,Rach,”saidPete.“Youaskedmetowakeyouearlysoyoucouldgoforarun.Remember?”
Rachelopenedhereyesandpeepedoutofthecovers.Bandsofbrightsunlightattheedgesofthedrapesindicateditwaswellintomorning.
“Soitis,”shesaid.“I’msoexhausted.IfellasleepatthreeA.M.”
Rachelsatupandrestedherheadonapileofpillows.Thegreenfluorescentnumbersoftheclockradiotoldheritwasthreeminutesbeforeseveninthemorning.She’dsleptforfourhours.
“HowdiditgowithDanMoore?”Peteasked.
“Notsure.”Sheyawned.“Hewasreluctanttotalkaboutanythingthatmightcomeupincourt.HemostlytoldmewhathappenedwhenheandhiswifefoundoutthatKellywasmissing.”
“Whymakeyoumeetwithhiminthemiddleofthenightifhewasn’tgoingtodishdirt?”
“Don’tknow.WhatIdoknowisthathemademeparkablockawayandsneakintohishouseafterhiswifehadgonetosleep.Hesaidhedidn’twantherortheprosecutorstofindoutthathewastalkingtome.Idon’tknowwhyanyonewouldcare.It’snotlikehetoldmethatmuch.Infact,hewasvery—”Sheheardamurmurofvoicesoverthephoneline.
“Rach,mysurgeonjustarrivedforwardrounds.I’llcallyoubackassoonasheleaves.”
Rachelstifledayawnandtheoverwhelmingdesiretoreturntosleep.Instead,sherolledoutofbedandhadahotshowertowakeupwhileshewaitedforPetetocallback.Shedressedandwaspullingopenthedrapeswhenhercellphonerang.
“Whatdidthesurgeonsay?”Rachelasked.
“Ineedtostayuntiltheendoftheweek.Betweenyouandme,I’mthinkingofstagingaprisonbreak.Iamsooverit,”hesaid,hislightheartedtonenotquitehidinghisdespondence.“TellmewhatDanMooresaid.”
“I’lldoonebetter.I’llreadyouhisquotes.Verbatim,”saidRachel,takingouthernotebookandsittingcross-leggedonherunmadebedassheturnedtothefirstpage.
“‘WeweredrivinguptoNorfolktoseeJohn,myson.He’sanensigninthenavy.HisbasewasopenforfamilyvisitsthatSunday.WestoppedatLexi’shousetogetKelly.SinceKellywasn’tansweringherphone,Iwentinsidetogether
“‘Itwasobvioustherehadbeenaparty.Therewereyellowtrashbagsoverflowingwithbeercanspiledupbythegaragedoors.Someonehadthrownupinagardenbed.IwassurprisedLexi’sparentsallowedaparty,becausethey’donlymovedintothathouseafewmonthsearlier.Noadultintheirrightmindwouldknowinglylettheirkidthrowapartyinabrand-newhouse.Itmademeimmediatelysuspicious.’”
Rachelclimbedoffthebedandturnedonthekettle.Shetoreacoffeepacketwithherteethandpouredthefreeze-driedgranulesintohermugwhilesheread.
“‘Thefrontdoorwasoffthelatch.Ipusheditopen.Twoteenagersweresleepinginthelivingroom.Onewaslyingonasofa,fullyclothedinjeansandboots.Anotherwascurledunderacoffeetablewithajacketthrownoverhis,orher,head.Popcornandchipcrumbsweregroundintothecarpet.
“‘Ifollowedthesoundofvacuumingtothediningroom,whereIfoundLexi.HermakeupwassmearedandshewaswearingloungepantsandanoversizedgrayT-shirt.Herfeetwerebare.Therewasawinestainonthecarpetnearthedinnertable.Iglancedatit.Sheblushedlikeshe’dbeencaughtred-handed.
“‘Shesaiditwasn’therfault.Thatthey’dcomeuninvitedandshecouldn’tgetridofthem.Itsoundedtomeasifshe’dbeenpracticingherexcuseformostofthenight.IaskedhertotellKellytocomedownstairs.ShelookedatmeasifIwascrazy.Shesaidsomethinglike,“Kelly?”AndIsaid,sortofsarcastically,“Yeah,Kelly,mydaughter.Don’ttellmeshe’sstillasleep?”Lexilookedconfused.ShetoldmethatKellywasn’tthere.Thatshe’dgonehomethenightbefore.’”
Rachelpausedtopourboilingwaterintohermug.SheaddedcreamerandsugarandstirredassherememberedthepaininDanMoore’svoiceashestruggledtofindwordstoexplainwhathadhappenedonthemorninghisfamily’scharmedlifechangedforgood.
“‘Ipanicked,’”RachelcontinuedreadingtoPete.“‘Wehadn’tseenanysignofKellycominghome.Usuallysheleaveslightson,ordishesinthekitchen.Shealwaysleavesherkeysonthehalltable.Herkeysweren’tthere.Thehousehadbeenexactlyaswe’dleftitwhenwewenttosleepthenightbefore.IaskedLexihowKellygothome.That’swhenshegotrealweird.Swallowed.Wentpale.Icouldtellthatshefeltguiltyaboutsomething.
“‘Lexirambledabouthowshe’dheardfromotherpeoplethatKellyandsomekidfromschool,Harris,leftthepartyonfoot.IaskedLexiwhichdirectionthey’dwalked.Atfirstsheshruggedandthenshesaidsheguessedtheytooktheshortcutthroughthefield.Shesaidthat’sthewayKellyhadarrived.LexiopenedthehallclosetandgavemeKelly’sbag.
“‘WhenIsawthatKellyhadleftbehindherbackpackwithherthingsandherphone,IknewthatLexihadthrownherout.Kellywouldhavecalledmetopickherupifshe’dhadherphone.IneverlikedLeximuch.Thatgirlhasaviciousstreakamilewide.’”
Rachelturnedtothenextpageandtookasipofcoffee.SherememberedhowDanhadstoodupabruptlyandpacedacrosshisstudywhenhe’dtoldherthenextpart.
“‘WehadtoretraceKelly’sfootstepsasquicklyaspossible.Timewasworkingagainstus.Idrovethecardowntothefield.Isawmuddyfootprintsatthestartofthepath.Thereweremorethanonesetoffootprintsinthemud.IfKellyhadbeenthere,thenotherpeoplehadbeenthere,too.Ipanicked.Thatisn’tatalllikeme.I’veseencombat.Idon’tpanic.Butwhenit’syourlittlegirlgonemissing,well,that’sawholeotherstory.
“‘IthrewthecarkeystoChristineandtoldhertodrivehometolookforKellywhileIretracedherfootstepsthroughthefield.Apersoncoulddisappearinthatlonggrass.Ididn’tseeanysignofKelly.ButIsawthingsthatscaredme:arowofbeercansnailedintoalog,withholesinthemfromairriflepellets.ThattoldmemorethanIwantedtoknowaboutthesortofpeoplethathungoutthere.Thethoughtthatmylittlegirlhadwalkedthroughthereatnightmademephysicallysick.BythetimeIgothome,Christinewassittingontheporchstepscrying.Kelly’sbedhadn’tbeensleptin.Wesearchedthehousefromthebasementtotheattic.Thebackyard,thegarage,theshed.Christineevencheckedthealarmsystemcomputerlogs.Nobodyhadcomeintothehouseduringthenight.ThattoldusforsurethatKellyneverarrivedhome.
“‘IsatdownnexttoChristine.Weheldhandsandputourheadsdowninprayer.Ourdaughterwasgoneandwehadnoideawhathadhappenedtoher.’”
Racheltossedhernotebookonthebed.“That’smoreorlesseverythingDantoldme,”shetoldPete,eyeingthealarmclocknexttoherbed.“Ibettergetgoing.Ihavesomuchtodotoday.Ifthere’stime,IwanttofindoutmoreaboutHannah’ssister’sdeath.Somebodymustremembersomething.”
“YouknowthatIdon’tlikethisonebit,”saidPete.“Thewayshe’sbeenleavingthoselettersforyoucrossesaline.Youdon’tknowanythingabouther.”
“That’sexactlywhyIwanttotalktoHannah.”
“Look,Rachel,”saidPetecarefully.“Thetrialstartsin,what,fourdays?PutthisHannahthingasideandfocusonthepodcast.Wecanalwayslookintoitlater.”
“Don’tworry,”saidRachel.“Thepodcastismyfirstpriority.IwrotethescriptwhenIreturnedfrommeetingDanMoorelastnightandI’vebookedthestudiotorecordthisafternoon.ItwouldreallyhelpifyouwouldkeepdiggingforinformationonJennyStills.Anythingyoucanfind.”
“I’mdigging,believeme,”saidPete.“Infact,thatremindsmeofsomethinginteresting.HannahStillshasnodigitalfootprint.Nobirthcertificate.Nosocialmediaaccounts.It’salmostasifshedoesn’texist.”
“Sheprobablyusesheradoptiveparents’name.I’mbettingthoserecordsaresealed,”saidRachel.“Whataboutthelocalnewspapers?Iranafewsearchesbutdidn’tfindanything.Wereyouabletochecktheregionalnewspaperdatabases?DidthelocalpapersprintanyarticlesonJenny’sdeath?”
“Icouldn’tfindasinglethingonline.”
“I’llstopattheNeapolislibrarythismorning.SeeifIcanfindoldnewspapereditionsinthereferencesection.”
“Rach,Istilldon’tgetwhyyou’resoobsessedaboutthisthing.BecauseHannahstoodyouupatthejetty?”
“No,”saidRachel.“BecauseIletherdown.Shewrotetome,desperateforhelp,andIignoredher.JustlikepeopleignoredKellyMoorewhenshestoodoutsidethatpartywaitingforhelp.Iwon’tbeindifferent,Pete.IcantellHannahisdesperate.Otherwiseshewouldn’tbetryingsohardtogetmyattention.”
“Youcan’tsavetheworld,Rachel,”saidPetequietly.
“Maybenot.ButIcansaveonepersonatatime.”
15
Rachel
Neapolis’scentrallibrarywasalightbrickbuildingwithenormouswindowsoverlookingabrick-pavedplazaofcafesandspecialtystores.
Racheltookherplacefourthinlineattheinformationcounter.Thelibrarianondutywasshowinganelderlyladyhowtousetheautomaticbook-borrowingmachine.Eventually,thelibrariangaveupandscannedthebooksfortheladybeforereturningtothecountertoassistwiththenextquery.
“WherecanIfindyournewspaperarchives?”Rachelasked.
“We’renowalendinglibraryonly.Notaresearchlibrary,”thelibrarianexplained.“AllourarchivesandresearchmaterialshavebeenmovedtotheCityHallarchive.It’sopentwomorningsaweek.TodayuntilnoonandFridaymorning.”Shelookedatherwatch.“Ifyouwanttogotherenowthenyou’dbetterhurry.Itclosesinanhour.Otherwiseyou’llneedtowaituntilFriday.”
FridaymorningwasoutofthequestionforRachel.Thetrialwouldhavebegunbythen.Rachelhurriedoutofthelibrary,determinedtogettothearchivebeforeitclosedfortheday.Thefastestwaytogettherewastorunthroughthecitypark.Itseparatedthenewsectionoftownfromthegracefulheritagearea,wherethenineteenth-centuryCityHallbuilding,courthouse,andotheradministrativebuildingsweresituatedalongatree-linedboulevard.Rachelcrossedtheroadandranacrossthegreenlawns,pastanornamentalpondfilledwithducksandlilypadsintheheartofthecitypark,andupacyclingtrackthatcameoutatthetopoftheboulevard.
Rachelwassweatingbythetimeshejoggedupthestairsintotheair-conditionedcoolnessofthewhite,classicalCityHallbuilding.Itwasthefirstrealexerciseshe’dhadsincearrivinginNeapolis.Shesawaninformationmaponthewallbytheentranceandfollowedthedirectionsdowntothebasement,wherethearchiveofficewaslocatedattheendofalongwindowlesscorridor.
AslendermanwithgrayhairlookedupfromhiscomputerscreenasRachelenteredtheaustereoffice.Beyondhimweretableswithold-fashionedequipmentforviewingmicrofilm.
“I’mlookingforoldnewspaperclippingsfromtheNeapolisGazette,”Racheltoldhim,stillstandingeventhoughhemotionedtohertositdown.Shewasinarushandstandingwouldgivesomeurgencytoherrequest.
“Wehavenewspaperrecordsgoingbackoveracentury,”hesaid.“Youneedtomakeanapplicationtoaccesstheoriginalcopiesinthearchive.Ittakesaweektogetpermission.Orifyoulike,youcanlookatmicrofilmcopieswithoutanappointment.Whatperiodareyoulookingfor?”
“Summerof’92,”shesaid.
“Inthatcase,you’llhavetogothroughthemicrofilm.Thoserecordshaven’tbeenscannedyetintoourdigitalsystem.”
“HowdoIaccessthemicrofilm?”Rachelasked.
“We’reclosingsoon.ItwouldbebetterifyoucomeonFridaywhenwe’renextopen.Thatwayyou’llhavetimetogothroughthemproperly,”hesaid,makingnoefforttohidehisirritationatherlast-minutearrival.
“Today’stheonlydayIhave,”saidRachel,glancingatthewallclock.Therewerefortyminutesleftuntilthearchiveclosed.“There’sstilltimeformetofindwhatI’mlookingfor,”Rachelinsisted.
“Allright,”hesaidreluctantly.“Whatdatesdoyouwant?”
“JunetoDecemberof’92.”
Thearchivistturnedonanold-fashionedmicrofilmmachineandwentthroughacatalogofslideswithaslownessthatRachelfoundexcruciatingasshekeptaneyeonthewallclock.Eventually,hefoundtheslidesinquestionandloadedthemintothemachine.
RachelusedthetogglesofthemachinetoskimreadthedailyeditionsoftheNeapolisGazette.Shefoundanumberofarticlesabouttwolocalboyswho’dbeenkilledinacaraccidentthatsummer.TherewerenoarticlesaboutJennyStills’sdeathuntilRachelstumbledacrossabriefparagraphonaninsidepageinalocalnewssummarysection.Itwassosmallshealmostmissedit:
NEAPOLISTEENAGERDROWNSNEARJETTYA16-year-oldgirldrownedattheMorrison’sPointbeachyesterday.ShewastakentoNeapolisGeneralHospital,wheredoctorspronouncedherdeadonarrival.Thevictim’snamehasnotyetbeenreleased.Thebeachwasclosedfollowingtheincident.Ithassincereopened.Policeareurgingswimmerstoshowcautioninthewater.
Rachel’ssuspicionthatthedrownedgirlwasJennyStillswasconfirmedinanewspaperarticlepublishedafewdayslater.Ittoowasburiedinaninsidepageinthenewspaper:
AlocalteenagegirlwhodrownedattheMorrison’sPointbeachhasbeenidentifiedasJennyElizaStills.Policesaythegirlhitherheadonrockswhenshejumpedoffthejettywhileswimmingatnight.Funeraldetailshavenotbeenreleasedbythefamily.PoliceandcityofficialsareurgingteenagersnottoswimnearthejettyatMorrison’sPoint
RachelcouldfindnothingelseonJenny’sdeath.Therewereseveralmoreupdatesonthetwoboysinvolvedinthefatalcarcrash.Bothboyswerefromobviouslyprominentfamiliesandthecoverage,eulogies,andobituarynoticesontheirdeathswereextensive.Therewerealsoseveralupdatesontheconditionofanunnamedthirdboy,believedtobethedriver,whowasfightingforhislifeinintensivecare.Therewasnothingmoreonthedrownedgirl.
Rachel’sattentionwasbrieflycaughtbyaphotographfromacandlelitmemorialservice,heldaweekafterthefatalcaraccident.Itwasonthefrontpageofthenewspaperunderaheadlinethatsaid:NEAPOLISMOURNSRachelsquintedatahazyblack-and-whitephotoofthepolicechief,RussMoore,standingonapodiumbesidethemayor.Thepolicechiefheldhisarmsramrodstraightandstuckouthischestduringwhatthephotocaptiondescribedasamomentofsilenceforthetwodeadboys.Oneoftheboyswasthemayor’snephew.Theotherwastheonlysonofaprominentbusinessmaninthetown.
PoliceChiefMooreseemedlargerthanlife,apowerfulpresencethatovershadowedthegray-hairedmayorstandingalongsidehiminthephoto.Inanotherphoto,RachelrecognizedayoungDanMoore,hisarminasling,withhisdad.
Racheltoggledthroughthenewsclippingsfasterandfaster,awarethatshewasrunningoutoftime.ShewasdisappointedtherewasnomoreinformationonJennyStillsbeyondthosetwosmallarticles.
Thearchivistwasmakingabigperformanceofshuttingdowntheoffice,noisilyturningofftheothermachinesandpackinghisbriefcase.Rachelwasnotsoobtusethatshedidn’trealizeitwashiswayoftellinghertohurryup.Sheignoredhimandkepttogglingthrougharticles,determinedtoekeouteverysecondthatshehadleftuntilthearchiveclosed.Shewasgladthatshedidwhenshefoundanarticleinanewspaperlaterthatyear.
CASECLOSEDONNEAPOLISDROWNINGAteenagegirlwhowasfounddeadinthewateratMorrison’sPointlastsummerdiedfromaccidentaldrowningafterjumpingoffthejettyandhittingrocks,saidthemedicalexaminer’soffice,whichofficiallyclosedthecaseyesterday.Thegirl’smother,whoissincedeceased,haddemandedpolicelaunchahomicideinvestigationintothecircumstancesofherdaughter’sdeath.Butthemedicalexaminer’sofficesaidnofurtherinvestigationwaswarrantedasthegirltragicallydrownedwhileswimminginroughwatersatnight.Cityofficialssaytheyhavelongwarnedteenagersagainstjumpingfromthejettyandpromisedthatwarningsignswouldbeerectedtopreventfuturetragedies.
“You’llhavetofinishnow.”
Rachellookedup.Thearchivistwasstandingbythedoorwithhishandonthelightswitch.Shewasoutoftime.
AsRachelleftthebuildingandjoggedbacktothelibrary,whereshe’dlefthercar,shewasmorecuriousthaneverandfrustratedthatshewouldn’thavemuchtimetolookforanswers.Notwiththetrialabouttostart.
ThepaltryinformationandsparsenewspapercoverageaboutJennyStills’sdeathhadraisedmorequestionsforRachelthanitanswered.TherewasamarkeddifferencebetweenthewaythenewspaperhadcoveredJenny’sdeathcomparedtothoseofthetwoboys.MaybeitwasbecauseofhowJennyhaddiedinanaccidentaldrowning,ratherthanafierymulti-casualtycarcrash.OrbecauseJennyandherfamily,RachelhadsurmisedfromHannah’sletters,rankedlowinthetown’ssocialhierarchyandtheboyskilledinthecaraccidentwerefrominfluentialfamilies.
Itwasn’tonlythelackofpublicinterestinJenny’sdeaththatbotheredRachel.Shecouldn’tstopwonderingwhathadtroubledJenny’smotherenoughtomusterwhateverremainedofherstrengthinherdyingdaystodemandherdaughter’sdeathbeinvestigatedasapossiblehomicide.WhatmadeHopeStillsthinkthatJennymighthavebeenmurderedwhentheauthoritieswerecertainthatshehaddiedinatragicdrowning?
Rachelhadenoughtimeforaquickstopatthenearbypolicestationtoseeifshecouldfindsomeanswers.Itwasaflat-roofedseventies-stylebuildingtwoblocksfromthelibrary.Rachelhandedherreporter’saccreditationcardtothedutyofficerandexplainedthatshewantedtospeaktoaveteranpolicemanwhomighthaveinvestigatedadrowningcasefromseveraldecadesbefore.Failingthat,shewantedtoaccesscopiesofthepoliceandautopsyreports.
“Doyouhaveacasenumber?Oranameofthevictim?”thepoliceofficerasked
“JennyStills,”sheanswered.
Hetypedthenameintothesystem.
“I’msorry,”hesaid.“Thatnamedoesn’tappearinourfiles.”
16
Rachel
DetectiveNickCooperwasonhishandsandkneespreppingthedeckofhistwo-masterschoonerwithanelectricsandingmachinewhenRachelclimbedontohisboat.Realizingtherewasnochancehe’devernoticeshewasstandingthereoverthedeafeningroarofthemachine,Rachelpulledthesanderplugoutofthesocketandcutthepower.
Thehigh-pitchedscreechendedabruptly,leavingthetranquilsoundofwaterlappingagainsttheboatinitswake.DetectiveCooperremovedhisnoiseblockersandprotectiveeyemaskashestooduptofindoutwhyhissanderhadabruptlystoppedworking.
HesawRachelandwipedhissweatypalmsonhiskhakiworkpantsbeforereachingouttoshakeherhand.HislighthairandstubblecontrastedwithhisdeeptanandblackT-shirt.
“Wasithardtofindmyboat?”heasked,puttingthesanderaside.
“Ifollowedthecloudofdustjustlikeyoutoldme,”Rachelsaid.“Lookslikeyouhaveabigpaintjobaheadofyou.”
“It’sthepriceIpayforhavingatimbersailingboat.Moremaintenance,butthere’snothinglikesailingthisbabywhenthewindisup,”hesaid,takingtwosodascoveredincondensationoutofacoolerbox.HetossedonetoRachelbeforeopeninghisownwithahiss.
“Whatisityouwanttotalkabout?”heasked,movingasideatwo-galloncanofpaintsotherewasspaceforRacheltositonabench.
“EverythingyouknowabouttheScottBlaircase,”Rachelreplied.
DetectiveCoopersatontheedgeoftheboatandtookalongsipofhisdrink.“Nicetry,”hesaidoncehe’dswallowed.“YouknowIcan’ttalkaboutthecasebeforeitgetstotrial.Anyway,thecasewasn’thandledbyme.Itwashandledbyoursexcrimesunit.AllIdidwasmakeinitialinquiriesinthehoursafterKellyMoorewentmissing.LikeItoldyourproducer,I’mwillingtotalkaboutthatifithelps.AslongasI’mnotquoted.”
“Goahead,”saidRachel.“Tellmewhateveryou’reabletotellme.”
“I’dplannedtosailouttoOcracokethatSundaymorningwhenIgotacallfromthedutyofficerdownatthestation.Ateenagegirlhadbeenreportedmissing.Herdadcalleditin.Theyaskedmetomakesomeinquiries.”
“HerdadbeingDanMoore,”saidRachel.“Thesonoftheformerpolicechief,RussMoore?”
“Iseeyou’vebrusheduponyourlocalhistory.”
“AsbestasIcould,”saidRachel,thinkingthattherewasafairchunkoflocalhistoryshehadn’tbeenabletopiecetogetheryet.SuchashowJennyStillshaddied.“Iambettingtheinvestigationwasfast-trackedoutofrespectforRussMoore.”
“Nocomment,”DetectiveCoopersaid,takinganothersipofhissoda.
“WhatstepsdidyoutakeoncetheyaskedyoutofindoutwhathappenedtoKelly?”
“Inthesecases,youreallywanttospeaktothelastpersontohaveseenthemissingperson.Inthisinstance,itwasakidcalledHarrisWilson.Myfirststopwashishouse.”
Harris’sdad,BillWilson,wasinthedrivewaypolishinghiscarwhenDetectiveCooperarrived.ThedetectivewasdressedincanvasshortsandaT-shirt.He’dbeenonhiswaytohisboatwhenhe’dreceivedthecallaboutKellyMooreanddidn’thavetimetogohomeandgetchanged.
“Harrisaround?”hecalledouttoBillashewalkeddownthedriveway.
“Who’sasking?”askedBill.
DetectiveCooperflashedhispolicebadge.“I’mlookingforagirlwhowentmissinglastnight.Harris’sfriendssayhemighthaveseenherbeforeshedisappeared.”
“Harrisisasleep,”Billsaid,furiouslypolishingthehoodofhiscar.
“Canyouwakehimup?”DetectiveCooperasked.“It’skindofimportant.”
“Withpleasure.’Bouttimehewokeup.”Billtossedtheragontothecarhoodasheledthewayintothehouse.
HeleftDetectiveCoopersittingatthepinekitchentable,flippingthroughthesportssectionofthenewspaperwhilehewentupstairstowakehisson.Afewminuteslater,Harrisshuffledintothekitcheninbarefeet.Hishairwasamess.Hisclotheswerecreased,likehe’dliterallythrownthemon.Hecouldn’tmeetDetectiveCooper’seyesatallashepulledoutachairandsatalongsidehisdadatthekitchentable.DetectiveCoopertookonelookathimandtossedthenewspaperaside.
Hehaddealtwithscoresofmissing-personscasesduringhisyearsontheforce.Thescenariowasalmostalwaysthesame:Ateenagerrunsawayandtheparentsimmediatelyexpectamissing-personsfiletobeopenedandnostonetobeleftunturnedinthesearchfortheirkid.Thekidinevitablyturnsuphoursordayslater.It’sdiscoveredhe,orshe,wasstayingwithfriendsafterafightathome.Sometimesthepatternrepeateditselfwhenthekidranoffagainafteranotherargument.
He’dassumedthiswouldbeoneofthosecases.Thatis,untilheseteyesonHarris.Hiseyeswerebloodshotandhewasshowinganinordinateamountofinterestinthefloor.Moretroubling,Harrisreekedofalcoholandweed.DetectiveCoopersmelleditevenbeforeHarrisreachedthekitchentable.
Rightlyorwrongly,intheunofficialbarometerofguiltbywhichdetectivesmeasuredpotentialsuspectsHarriswasintheredzone.
Harristookagreenapplefromthefruitbowlonthetable.Helookedforamomentasifhewasabouttotakeabite,thenchangedhismindandthrewitfromonehandtotheotherlikehewaspreparingtopitchaball.Itdidn’tlookgood.Agirlwasmissingandhewasmessingaround,fidgetingandlookinglikehewishedhewereanywhereelse.
Harris’sfathergentlykickedHarrisinthecalftogethimtocutitout.Harrislookedathisdadandshrugged.Hemusthaveknownthathestankofmarijuanaandcheapliquor.Notexactlythewaytoimpressacopwho’dheardthathewasthelastpersontoseeamissinggirlbeforeshedisappeared.
Harristossedtheapplearoundagainandthentookabitewithapronouncedcrunch.DetectiveCooperwatchedhimclosely,pushingbackhischairsohecouldgetabetterviewoftheteenageboysittingacrossthetablefromhim.
Onethingwascertaininhismind:HarrisWilsonhadgonefromapossiblewitnesstoakeysuspectbeforehehadansweredasinglequestion.
“Thanksfortalkingtome,Harris,”DetectiveCoopersaid,deliberatelysoundingcasual.“Ionlyhaveafewquestions.Itwon’ttakelong.”Theteenshruggedasifitmadenodifferencetohim.
“AreyouawarethatKellyMooreismissing?”
“Mydadtoldme.Whenhewokemeup.That’sthefirstIheardofit,”hesaid,hiseyesdowncast.Heshiftedtheapplefromonehandtotheother.“Whatdoyoumeanby‘missing’?”Helookedup.DetectiveCoopernoticedanuncertaincatchinhisvoice.Harriswasafraidofsomething.
“Missingasinnobodyknowswheresheis,”saidDetectiveCooper,watchinghimclosely.“Somepeoplesaytheysawyouleavingapartywithher.DidyouleaveapartywithKellylastnight?”
“Kindof.”Harrissquirmedatthequestion.
“Whatdoyoumeanby‘kindof’?”
“KellyleftthepartyafterLexilockedheroutofthehouse.Isawherwalkingoffdownthestreetinthedark.Alotofusdid.Ifollowedherfromthehouse.”
“Youfollowedher?”
BillWilsonsatupsoabruptlythathischairsqueaked.HeseemedtoregisterforthefirsttimethatDetectiveCooper’ssuddeninterestinhissonwasnotasinnocentashehadpresumed.
“Ididn’tthinkitwasrightthatshewaswalkingaloneatnight.Lexiwasbeinganoutrightbitchtoher.SoIwentafterKellyandwalkedbacktotownwithher.Iwasleavinganyway.Thepartywaslame.”
HarristoldDetectiveCooperhowtheywenttotheplaygroundandsatontheswingsforawhileuntilheleftKellytheretogotohishousetogetsomething.Hewasgoneforonlyafewminutes.
“Whatexactlydidyougetfromyourroomthatwassoimportantthatyouhadtoleaveateenagegirlaloneataparkinthemiddleofthenight?”
Harrisexaminedhisnailswiththeutmostfascinationbeforeraisinghishead.“Igotsomethingtosmoke,”hesaideventually.
“Acigarette?Orsomethingstronger?Likemarijuana?Don’tworry.I’mnothereonadrugbust.I’monlyheretofindKelly.”
“Theotherthing,”mutteredHarris.
“Ihaveafeelingthere’smore,”saidDetectiveCooper,whohadnosuchfeelingbutknewhowtokeepasuspecttalking.“Whatelsedidyoutake?”
“Irefilledmyflask,”Harrissaid,lookingathisdadguiltily.
“And?”DetectiveCooperasked,fishingformore.
“Igotacondom.”Harrisexhaledloudlyashestaredathisbarefeet.
“Soyouthoughtyou’dgetluckywithKelly?”
“Ifigureditwasworthhaving.Incase.”
“Anddidyougetlucky?”
“No,”saidHarris.“Shewasn’ttherewhenIgotback.LikeItoldyoubefore.”
DetectiveCoopersighed.Hewouldhavelovedtopursuethatlineofquestioningfurther,buthehadtorestrainhimself.Harriswasstilltechnicallyawitness,notasuspect,andDetectiveCooperhadn’treadhimhisrights.
“WhathappenedwhenyousawthatKellywasn’tatthepark?”
“Isatontheswingandsmokedmyjoint.”
“Yougothigh?Youdidn’tlookforher?”
“Sure,Ilookedforher.Icalledhername.Noanswer.Ifiguredthatshe’dgonehome.Thatshe’dstoodmeup.Istayedforabit,smoked,andwenthome.”
“That’sright,”hisfatherinterrupted.“HarrisknockedoverapileofrecyclingwhenhecameinataroundtwothirtyA.M.Iwenttocheckonhimnotlongafter.Hewasinbed.Asleep.”
“Itwouldbehelpfulifyou’dcomedowntothepolicestation,Harris,”saidDetectiveCooper,treadingcarefully.“Sowecantalksomemore.TheremightbeotherthingsyousawthatcouldleadustoKelly.”
“Isthatreallynecessary?”BillWilsonsaid.“Yousaidyouonlyhadafewquestions.”
“Idid.Butagirlismissing.BasedonwhatHarrishastoldme,therearemorequestionsthatneedtobeasked.That’sbestdoneatapolicestationratherthanhere.”
Harris’sdadpickedupapackofcigarettesandlitone.“Doweneedalawyer?”heaskedonceheexhaled.
“It’suptoyou.”
“Areyousayingthatmysonisasuspect?”
“UntilwefindKellyMoore,everyoneisasuspect.Especiallythelastpersontohaveseenheralive.Rightnowthatappearstobeyourson.”
DetectiveCoopersquashedhisemptysodacanandtosseditintothetrash.Rachel’stimewasup.Heneededtogetbacktohiswork.
“DoyouthinkthatHarriswasinvolved?ThatheandScottdidthistogether?”Rachelasked,reluctanttobudgeuntilshe’dsqueezedasmuchinformationasshecouldgetoutofhim.
“Harriswaschargedwithaidingandabetting.That’saseriousoffense.Iguessyouheardonthelocalnewsthathecuthimselfadeal.Nowhewon’tstandtrial.”
“Harrismusthavebeeninvolved.Otherwise,whywouldhetakeapleadeal?”Rachelpressed.
“Therearelotsofreasonswhyasuspecttakesapleadeal.Maybehe’sguilty.Orhe’sinnocentbutdoesn’tthinkhecanproveittoajury.Or,thirdoption,hisfamilycan’taffordtopaythegoingrateofagoodtriallawyer,”hesaid,insertingafreshpieceofsandpaperintothesanderashepreparedtoresumehiswork.
“Eventhen,it’shardtobelievethatapersonwouldadmittodoingsomethingifhedidn’tdoit,”saidRachel.
“Justiceisexpensive.You’vegottohaveseriousmoneyifyouwanttoputupahalfwaydecentdefense.Maybehisfamilyandlawyersdidthemathandfiguredtheydidn’twanttoriskalongprisonsentenceforHarris,”hesaid.“Thatsortofhorsetradinghappensallthetime.Otherwisethecourtsystemwouldbecloggedtoparalysis.I’veseenmorepleadealsthantrialsinthetwentyyearsIwasadetectiveinRhodeIsland,andthenthepasttwoyearshereinNeapolis.”
“You’rearecentarrival!”saidRachelinsurprise.She’dintendedtoaskhimaboutJennyStillsincaseheknewwhathadhappenedtoher,butdidn’tbotherinlightofhisrevelationthathewasarelativenewcomertothetown.“Whatmadeyoumovehere?”
Hehesitated.“Mymarriagebrokeup.IfiguredI’dleavetheforce,setupabusinesstakingtouristsondivingtrips.I’mamasterdiver.Endedupgettingofferedadetectivejob.NowI’maworkingcopagain.Believeme,there’snobodymoresurprisedthanme,”hesaid,plugginginthesandingmachine.
DetectiveCooperputonhisearplugsasRachelclimbedofftheboatontothejettytothesoundofthehigh-pitchedwhineofthesanderscrapingthedeck.
Shewalkeddownthejetty,passingalineofmooredcruisersuntilshereachedthemarinacomplex,wheretherewereseveralseafoodrestaurantswithtablesthatspilledoutontoawatersidedeck.Rachelhadn’ttriedanyofthemeventhoughtheywereacrosstheroadfromherhotel.Theywerealwayscrowdedandshedidn’thavetheluxuryoftimetowaitforatable.
AsRachelpassedtheBlueSeaCafe,shespottedasmalltableoverlookingthewater.Shedecidedthatforonceshe’dhaveaproperlunchinsteadofeatingtakeoutonthego.Rachelchosetheseatfacingtheseaandputonhersunglassestoblocktheglareofthesun.
Whenthewaitresscamearound,Rachelorderedthecrabburgerfromthespecialschalkboard.Itcamewithchips,asideofsalad,andanartfullypresentedslicedavocadowithasqueezeoflime.Rachelateitall.Sheoptednottoorderdessertorcoffee.She’ddawdledenough.WhenthewaitresscamearoundwithanAmericanExpressfoldercontainingthecheck,Rachelslippedhercreditcardinsidewithoutlookingatthebill.
“Oh,Idon’tneedyourcard,”saidthewaitress.“Yourbillhasbeenpaidinfull.”
“Bywho?”Rachelopenedthefoldertofindout.Insidewasacashregisterreceiptstapledtoanenvelopewithhernamescrawledonit.
“Don’tknow,”thewaitressansweredasshestackedRachel’sdishesintoaneatpile.“Itwaspaidforatthecounter.”
17
Hannah
Rachel,haveyoueverdonesomethingyouregrettedsobadlythatyou’dsellyoursoultogobackintimeandreverseit?
Maybeforyouitwasgettingmarriedtoyourcollegeboyfriendandthendivorcinghimsixmonthslaterwhenyourealizedthatyou’dmarriedyourbestfriend,butnottheloveofyourlife.Youmentionedthatinaninterviewyougavetosomemagazine.Iforgetwhichone.
Forme,itwasthreeweeksintooursummervacation.I’dfallenasleeponthebeachtothesoundofsummerhitsplayingloudlyontheradio,andaconstanttrilloflaughterwovenbetweenthecrashofbreakingwaves.
WhenIawoke,everythingfeltdifferent.Itwasstill,andveryquiet.Theoceanwasoddlysubdued,onitsbestbehavior.Thelightwassoft.Theclearblueskyhadbeenreplacedbybillowinggrayclouds.Thetemperaturewascooler.Isatupandsawthatweweretheonlypeoplelyingonthebeach.Everyoneelsehadgonehome,takingtheirtowelsandumbrellaswiththem.Downtheheadland,surferswithlongboardsandhalf-zippedwetsuitsemergedfromthewaterandcrossedthebeachinaraggedyprocessionastheywrappeduptheirday.
Jennywasputtingonatie-dyedturquoisebeachdressoverherbikini.Herdamphairhungloose.Ipackedmythingsintothebeachbagandwebeganthelongwalkhome.Ourhairknottedwithsaltandourflushedskinsprinkledwithsand.
WhenwepassedthegasstationattheOldMillRoad,IaskedJennyifwecouldstopthereforanicepop.Ithadbecomeatraditionattheendofeachdayatthebeach.
“It’sgoingtorainsoon,”saidJenny,lookingupattheovercastsky.
“It’llonlytakeasecond,”Iinsisted.Imademybottomliptrembledramatically.Jennysighedandwecrossedtheroad.Longafterward,IwonderedifourliveswouldhaveturnedoutdifferentlyifIhadn’tmadeafuss.Ifwe’dkeptonwalking.
That’sthethingaboutmistakes.Notallofthemcanbefixed.Ican’tbringthedeadbacktolife,nomatterhowmuchImightwishit.
ThegasstationwasrunbyamancalledRick,whosefacewassetinapermanentscowlandwhoneverhadakindwordtosaytous.He’dshoutatusfortreadingsandintothegasstation’sconveniencestorewhenwehadn’tevenbeentothebeach,oryellatusforopeningthefreezerdoorwhenwehadn’ttouchedit.“YouStillsgirlsdon’thavetwocentstorubtogether.Ifyou’renotgoingtobuyanything,thengetout,”hetoldusoncewhenwecameinduringathunderstorm.I’dbeenafraidofhimeversince.
IwaitednearthegaspumpswhileJennywentinsidetobuymyicepop.MyfeetweresandyandIdidn’twanttogiveRickareasontosnapatme.IwatchedthroughthewindowsasJennylookedintothefreezerandselectedaredicepop.ShecrossedthestoretothecashierareatopayRick.Throughthereflectionoftheshopwindow,Isawapickuptruckpullupatagastank.
Threeteenageboyswereinthecab.Afourthsatintheback.Irecognizedhimimmediately.Hewastheboywithgrayeyeswho’daskedforourphonenumberthatdayatthebeach.Ashisfriendsemergedfromthepickup,Irecognizedthem,too.Ididn’tknowtheirnames.AllIknewwasthatthoseboysalwayshungouttogetheronthesanddunes,smokingandplayingloudmusicontheirboombox.Iinstinctivelyknewthatitwasbesttogivethemawideberth.
Lightrainsprinkledacrossthecrackedrawconcreteofthegasstationdriveway.Itwasonlyamatteroftimeuntiladownpourerupted.
“YouliveattheendoftheOldMillRoad,don’tyou?It’sgoingtostormsoon.Icangiveyouaridehomeifyoudon’twanttogetwet,”saidthedriver,holdingthenozzleashepumpedgasolineintohistruck.
Myeyesflickedtothestore.JennywaswaitingforRicktoserveher.Heappearedtobeaddingupalongcolumninhisledger,andeventhoughhemusthaveknownshewasthere,hekeptherwaitinguntilhewasdone.
“Doyouwantarideornot?”thedriveraskedmeagain.
“Ihavetoaskmysister.”
Jennycameoutofthestoreandhandedmetheicepop.“We’dbetterhurryhomebeforetherainhits,”shesaid,pickingupthebeachbagthathadbeenlyingbymyfeetandwalkingquicklypastthepickup.
“Heofferedusaridehome,”Icalledout,myeagernesstogethomeoutweighingmywariness.
“We’llwalk.There’sstilltime,”Jennysaid,motioningmetocatchupwithher.“Hurryup,Hannah.”
“Myfoot’ssore.I’mgettingablister,”Icomplained,liftingupmyshoulderstubbornly.“Idon’tfeellikewalkingintherain.”
“We’regoingyourway.Icandropyouoff,”saidthedriverashescrewedonhisfuelcap.“It’snotrouble.”
“Please,Jenny,”Ibegged,lookingupattheominoussky.“Idon’twanttowalkinathunderstorm.”
“Allright,”sherelentedgrudgingly.ShethrewthebeachbagintothebackofthetruckandIscrambledinwithit.Jennywasabouttoclimboverthesidetositwithmewhenthedriveropenedthepassengerdoor.
“There’sspacehere,”hesaid,waitinguntilJennyreluctantlyslippedinside
Histhreefriendscameoutofthestore.Theonewiththegrayeyeslitupacigarette,ignoringano-smokingsignbythefuelpumps,andsuckedinthesmokelikeastarvingmangettingalong-awaitedmeal.TheothertwotriumphantlyremovedaselectionofcandyfromundertheirshirtsastheyscrambledintothecabnexttoJenny.They’dobviouslystolentheirstashwithoutRicknoticing.Jennywasstuckinthemiddle.Thedriversatnexttoherandtheothertwoboyssatbetweenherandthefrontpassengerdoor.Icouldtellthatshewasn’thappyaboutbeingboxedin.
Theonewithgrayeyesjumpedintothebackwithme,staringintospaceashesuckedonhiscigarette.Throughtheglasspartition,Isawthetwoboysinfrontswiggingfromahalf-emptyliquorbottleastheyturnedonthetruckengineanddroveoutofthegasstation.OneofthemofferedJennyasipdirectlyfromthebottle.Sheshookherhead.
Whenwereachedtheroad,wemadeaturnsofastthatIcatapultedagainstthetruck,bruisingmyshouldersopainfullythatIhadtobitemytonguetostopmyselffromcrying.Theboywiththegrayeyeshelpedmeup.HetoldmetoholdtightontothesideofthetrucksoIwouldn’thurtmyselfagain.
“Pleasetellhimtodriveslower,”Ipleaded.
“I’lltellhimfirstchanceIget.What’syourname?”heasked,tryingtodistractme.
“Hannah,”Ianswered.“What’syourname?”
“Bobby,”hesaid.
Westoppedabruptlybytheone-waybridge.Wehadtowaitfortwocarsandapickuptocrossoverbeforeitwasourturn.Whilewewaited,Bobbyjumpeddownandspoketothedriver.Idon’tknowwhathesaid.Theywerearguingaboutsomething.Hedidn’treturntothetruck.Hewalkedoffbacktowardthegasstation,smokinghiscigarette.Acoupleoftimesheturnedaround,likehewasunsureaboutsomething.Buthekeptwalkinganyway.Iwatchedhimdisappearinacloudofdustaswedroveoff,acrossthebridgeandupthehilltowardmyhouse.
Wedrovesofastthatmyknuckleswerewhitefromholdingthesideofthetrucksotight.Myhairwasblowingacrossmyface.Icouldn’tseeathing.Whenwecamearoundaturn,thetrucksloweddown.Iwasrelievedtoseethesquaresmudgeofourwhitehouseandthefaintredofourrustyroofsetamongthepinetrees.Iexpectedwe’dbedroppedoffbyourfrontdoor,oratleastatthestartofthedirtdrivewaythatledtoourhousefromthemainroad.Instead,thetruckpulleduponthemainroad,halfwayupthehill.Westillhadtocrossthefieldtogethome.
“Youcangetoutnow,”thedrivershoutedthroughthepartiallyopenwindow.Itossedoutthebeachbagandjumpeddown.IwalkedovertothepassengerdoorofthecabandwaitedforJennytogetout.
Shewastrappedbetweentheminthemiddleofthecab.Shecouldn’tgetoutunlesseitherthedriverortheotherpassengersclimbedoutfirst.Nobodymadeanyattempttomove.Jennysatstifflyastheydrankfromtheliquorbottle,passingittoeachotheroverherlap.ItwasstartingtorainheavilyandIwasgettingdrenched.
Iknockedonthepassengerwindow.Theboysittingrightnexttoitrolleddownthewindow,leavinganarrowgap.
“Yoursistersaysshewantstogofishingwithus,”heshoutedovertheblusteringengine.Ichokedfromthefoulstenchofliquoronhisbreath,whichwaftedinmyfacethroughthenarrowgap.
“Jennyhatesfishing,”Isaid.
“Ireckonbythetimewe’redoneteachingher,fishingisgoingtobeherfavoritesport.”Hesmirked.“She’llbehomesoon.”
Withascreech,thetruckspedoffintheoppositedirectionfromthesea.
18
Rachel
Theradiostationreceptionistwho’dgreetedRachelhoursearlierwhenshe’darrivedhadlonggonewhensheemergedfromthesoundproofroomafterrecordingthepodcast.Theoverheadofficelightswereoff.Theonlypeoplearoundwererecordingtheeveningprograminsideastudiowithared“OnAir”signilluminatedabovethecloseddoors.
Rachelletherselfoutofthebuilding.Itwasearlyeveningandshewasexhausted.Thecumulativeeffectsoffourtofivehours’sleepeachnightweretakingatoll.Shewaswellawarethatsheneededtobreaktheunhealthypatternshe’dfallenintosincearrivinginNeapolis.Toolittlesleep,toomuchfastfoodontherun.Noregularexercise.Backhomesheranfourmorningsaweek.SincearrivinginNeapolis,shehadn’tdoneasingleproperrununlesssprintingacrosstheparktovisittheCityHallarchivecountedasaworkout.
Asshecrossedtheroadtohercar,Rachelsawaletterflutteringonherwindshield.Shesighed.ShewasgettingtiredofHannah’sgames.Racheltossedtheletterontothefrontpassengerseatandputonherseatbelt.Shehadnointentionofhastilytearingtheenvelopeopenandreadingtheletterfrombehindthesteeringwheelasshe’ddoneatthehighwayreststop.Itwastimetotryanewtack.ToshownointerestinHannah’sletters.PerhapsthatwasthewaytodrawHannahoutsotheycouldmeet,andtalkinperson,ratherthanplaythiscat-and-mousegame—thepurposeofwhichRachelcouldn’tbegintofathom.
Petewasright.ThepodcastneededtobeRachel’ssolefocus.Therewasn’ttimetoinvestigateJennyStills’sdeath.Maybe,Rachelthought,oncethetrialwasovershe’dstayinNeapolisforafewdayslongerandseewhatshecouldfindout.Inthemeantime,sheneededtogiveallherattentiontothepodcast.Thelastthingsheneededwasadistraction.Therewastoomuchatstake.
Racheldrovetowardthehotel,whereshe’dplannedtoeatdinneratthelobbycafewhilereadingherfilesontheBlairfamily.PetehadmanagedtoswingheraninterviewwithGreg,ScottBlair’sfather.Shewantedtoreadallhispressinterviewsagainbeforeshemethimandhiswifethenextday.RachelglancedatHannah’sletterontheseatnexttoher.Shewastemptedtoreadit,butshecouldn’tallowherselftobedrawninagain.Shedidn’thavetimetobeHannah’ssavior,orJenny’savenger.Shebrieflyconsideredtearingitupandtossingthepiecesoutofthewindow.
Rachelmadeittwoblocksbeforepullinghercartoanabruptstoponthesideoftheroad.Sheputonherhazardlightsandrippedopentheletter.WhenshewasdonereadingHannah’swavy,sometimesbarelylegiblehandwriting,shetossedthepagesbackontothefrontpassengerseatandrestartedthecarengine.
Instinctively,RachelmadeafuriousU-turnandheadedsouthinthedirectionoftheOldMillRoadgasstation.RachelwonderedifRickstillworkedthereand,ifhedid,ifherememberedthedriverandpassengersofthepickuptruckHannahdescribedinherletter.Rachelgottheimpressionthatthetruckanditsrowdycrewhadbeenregularsathisgasstation.
AsRacheldrovedownthecoastalroad,shespottedtheMorrison’sPointjetty,agrayoutlineagainstadarkeningsky.Againwithoutthinkingitthrough,Rachelturnedofftheroadandintothebeachparkinglot.Shepulledhercartoastopfacingtheocean.Itwastwilight.Rachelfiguredshehadenoughtimetoquicklygodowntothejettytoseeifthesignwarningswimmersnottojumpintothewaterhadbeenerected,justasthenewspaperarticleshe’dreadatthearchivesaid.
TheeveningcoastalwindsweresostrongthatRachelstruggledtogetoutofhercar.Asshewalkedacrossthebeach,sandblewintoherface,hittingherskinlikepinpricks.Rachelspottedthesign.Itwashungonarustedpolestuckintoathicklumpofconcreteontheshoreline,justoutofreachofthewaves.Itsfadedwarningtoswimmerslookeddecadesold.Shehadn’tnoticeditthelasttimeshewasthere,butthen,shehadn’tbeenlookingforit.
Rachelsteppedontothejetty.Itwasunsteadyunderherfeet.Shehadtoholdtherailasshewalked,pummeledbythewindandstungbysaltspraysfromunrulywaves.Thefoamywaterlookedopaqueinthewaninglight.
WhenRachelreachedtheinscriptionthatHannahhadcarvedinthetimber,shesquatteddowntoreaditagain:InlovingmemoryofJennyStills,whowasviciouslymurderedherewhenshewasjust16.Justicewillbedone.
Racheldidn’thearthejettycreakbehindherovertheloudrushofwind.Nordidshenoticetheloomingoutlineofamanemergefromthedarkbehindher.
“Whoareyou?”Hissudden,angryvoiceshockedRacheltoherfeet.
Sheswungaroundtoconfronttheintruderbutwasimmediatelyblindedbyaflashlightbeamshiningdirectlyintohereyes.FromwhatRachelcouldmakeout,hewasaheavysetmandressedinjeansandaplaidshirtsoakedwithsweatsostrongshecouldsmellit.Hisarmsandneckwerecoveredintattoos,andtheleftsideofhisfacewascrisscrossedbytheangryridgesofknifescars.
“Iaskedyouaquestion,”hegrowled,steppingtowardher.Rachelinstinctivelymovedbackuntilherspinewaspressedintothetimberrail.HepointedhisflashlightdowntowhereRachelhadbeensquattingandmovedthebeamacrosstheinscriptionashereadit.Hepausedthelightoverthewordsviciouslymurdered.
“Whatdoyouknowaboutthis?”heasked.
“Notmuch,”saidRachel.“Iheardshedrownedhere.Hitherheadonsomerockswhenshejumpedoffthejetty.”
“Peoplearestupid.They’llbelieveanything,”hespat.“Thereain’tnorockstohit.Theoceanfloorispuresandaroundhere.Andthewaterisdeep.Realdeep.IfIremembercorrectly,shewasarealgoodswimmer.”
“Ifitwasn’tanaccident,thenhowdidshedie?”Rachelpressed.Itwasthefirsttimesomeonehadcomeclosetoconfirmingwhatshewasstartingtosuspect—thatJenny’sdrowninghadbeennoaccidentatall.
“Youneedtoscram,”hegrowled,takinganotherstepcloser.Rachelsawaflashofmetalnearhisleg.Itlookedasifhewasholdingaswitchblade.“Getout.AndmakesureIdon’tseeyouaroundagain.”
Rachel’sheartbeatrapidlyasshesteppedawayandleftthejetty.Sheheadedtohercar,walkingfastacrossthebeach.Shedeliberatelyheldbackfromafull-blownsprint,eventhoughtheroarofwindwastooloudforhertoknowifhewasbehindher.Catchingup.Sheresistedthetemptationtolookbackoverhershoulder.Shehadnointentionoflettinghimthinkthathefrightenedher.
WhenRachelreachedhercar,ittookallherphysicalstrengthtoopenthedriver’sdoorinthestronggusts.Sheslidinsideandpulleditshut.Thedeafeninghowlofwindstoppedimmediately.Racheltookamomenttorevelinthesilencebeforeturningonhercarengineanddrivingaway.Asshedid,shelookedouttowardthejetty.Themanwasleaningovertherail,watchingher.
RacheldrovetowardOldMillRoad,whereshefoundthegasstationatthecorner,justasHannahhaddescribed.Rachelfilledupwithfuelbeforegoinginsidetopay.Theconveniencestorewasbrightlylit,withawhite-tiledfloorandneatlypackedshelves.Alongthebackofthestorewereself-servicecoffeeandsoft-drinkmachines.Therewasacabinetwithaheatingrackthatcontainedjellydoughnutsandburritosinsilver-foilbags.
“DoesRickstillworkhere?”sheaskedthecashier.
“Don’tknowanyRick,”theattendantsaid,withoutlookingupfromhisphone.Heshovedacrossacreditcardmachinesothatshecouldpayforthegas.
“Heownedthisgasstation,orworkedhereafewyearsago,”Rachelsaidassheswipedhercreditcard.Morelikeafewdecades,shethought.
“Neverheardofhim,”saidtheattendant,stilllookingathisphone.
“Wouldsomeoneelsehereknowhim?”
Theattendantlookedup.“Knowwho?”
“Rick.Themanwhousedtoworkhere,”saidRachel,swallowingherirritation.
Theattendantrolledhiseyes.“TrySallyCrawford.Herhouseisaboutamilethatway.”Hejabbedhisfingerinthedirectionoftown.“Firsthouseaftertheemptyblock.She’sbeenaroundfor—ev—er,”hesaid,stretchingoutthesyllablesasifitwasacurseword.“IfRickworkedhere,she’dknow.”
SallyCrawford’shousewasasingle-storyhomewitharamshackleappearancefromseveraladditionsbuiltovertheyears.Thelawnwasovergrownwithlonggrassandweeds,whichalsopokedoutthroughthepackeddirtofthedriveway.Onthefrontlawnwasarustyoldcampervanandaboathiddenunderamildewedcanvascover.Rachelhearddogsbarkinginthebackgardenasshewalkeddownthedrivewaytowardthefrontdoor.
Rachelpressedthedoorbell.Therewasnoanswer.Shecouldseelightthroughthefrostedhallwindowandhearenoughnoisetotellherthatpeoplewerehome.Shepressedthebellagain,holdingherthumbagainstitforacoupleofsecondslongerthannecessary.
Thedoorswungopentorevealamaninhisearlytwenties,holdinganopenbeerbottle.Heworeshorts.Noshirt.Hehadlonghairandascragglybeard.
“You’renotheretosellfacecreamorsomeothershit,areyou?”heaskedRachel.
“I’mnotsellinganything.I’mhereforaquickwordwithSally.It’skindofprivate,”saidRachel,tryingtogivetheimpressionthatsheknewSallysothathewouldletherinside.
Hegruntedandturnedaround,walkingbackupthehall,leavingRacheltomakeherownwayinside.WhenRachelreachedthekitchen,shesawawomansheassumedwasSally.Shewasalargewomanwithbrightredhairandshewasstandingbehindthekitchencountercuttingwatermelonwithastainless-steelbutcher’sknife.Hersonwasusinghiselbowtoopentheslidingdoorstothebackgarden,whereagroupofpeoplewerestandingaroundbyabarbecue.
“Lukesaidyouwanttodiscusssomething,”saidSally,withoutlookingupasshecutthemelon.
“Iwastoldyoumightbeabletohelpmewithinformationonthetown’shistory,”saidRachel.
SallylookedupatRachel,takinginRachel’swildhairandwindblownappearance.“Youlooklikeyou’vebeenoutsailingingale-forcewinds,”shesaid.
“IwasatMorrison’sPointbeforeIcamehere.”
“It’snotsmarttogothereatnight.Thetown’sgarbagehangsouttherewhenit’sdark.Vagrants.Addicts.IseesyringesthereallthetimewhenItakethedogsforarunonthebeachonSundaymornings,”saidSally.Shecutthewatermelonintoslicesasshespoke,usingherwholeamplebodyweighttogetthebladethroughthethickdarkgreenrindofthemelon.
“Therewasamanonthejettywithscarsonhisface.Hescaredtheheckoutofme.Doyouknowwhoheis?”Rachelasked.
“Soundslikeit’sthathomelessmanI’vetoldthecopsabout,”mutteredSally.“Heardhedropshiscrabpotsoffthejettyatnight.He’snotsupposedto,”shesaid,glancingatRachel.“He’sdangerous.Unstable.Copsshouldhavegottenridofhimthesecondhemovedhereacoupleofyearsback.They’vegonesoft,”shesaidtoherselfasshetossedcutwatermelonslicesonanoversizedplate.Sheaddedabruptly:“Yousaidyouwantedinformationonthetown’shistoryWhatexactlydidyouwanttoask?Idon’thavemuchtime.We’regoingtoeatsoon.”
“I’mlookingfortheguywhousedtorunthegasstationattheOldMillRoad,”saidRachel.“HisnameisRick.Idon’tknowhisfamilyname.”
“Iknowwhoyoumean,”saidSally.“Hesoldtooneofthosefranchisechainsagoodfewyearsago.Heardhelivesinanoldpeople’shomesnow.Whatdoyouwantwithhim?”
“Hisnamecameupinaletteraboutagirlwhogrewuphere.IwastoldthatRickmighthaveknownher.”
“Iworkedattheelementaryschoolforovertwentyyears.IbetIknowbetterthanRick.What’shername?”
“HannahStills,”saidRachel.
“Sure,Irememberher.”Sallyputdowntheknifeonthecuttingboard.“Shewasaquietlittlethingwithlongbrownhairandsadeyes.Lostallherfamilywithinamonth.Wouldn’ttalkafterward.Theybroughtinapsychologist,butsherefusedtosayaword.Notasound.Afterthatshelefttown,”shesaid.“Fostercare,”sheaddedominously.
“Wheredidyouhearthat?”Rachelasked.
“Rumors,”Sallysaidcagily“TherewasnofamilytotakecareofheroncehersisterJennydrownedandthecancertookhermother.”
“IheardthemotherbelievedthatJennywasmurdered.Thatitwasn’tadrowning.”
“That’sgarbage,”Sallysnapped.“JennyStillswasnevermurdered.Hermotherwasindenial.Jennywouldgonightswimming.Boysgottohearaboutitandthey’djoinin.Itinvolvedalotmorethanswimming,ifyougetmydrift,”shesaid.“Onenight,shegotdrunkandjumpedoffthejetty.Hitherheadanddrownedherself.Itwasnobody’sfaultbutherown.Idon’tliketospeakbadlyofthedead,butthatJennywasawildgirl.Ineveryway.”
“Whatexactlydoyoumeanby‘wild’?”Rachelaskedcoldly.
“Isn’titobvious?JennyStillswas‘thetownbike,’”saidSallyCrawfordscornfully.“Shehadabadreputation.AndImeanbadwithacapitalB.Thatgirlwasjustlikehermother.Promiscuous.Ifeltbadforthelittlesister,butthatJennywasoutofcontrol.GettingraisedbyanewfamilywasthebestthingtohappentoHannahStills.TheStillsfamilywere—.Well,theyhadanamearoundhere.Eventhegrandfather,Ed.Hewascrazyasabat.Nowonderhisdaughterwentbad,andthenhisgranddaughterafterthat.Andthenherkid,Jenny.Theysaytheappleneverfallsfarfromthetree.”
“Food’sready,”someonecalledfromthebackyard.
“Okay,okay,”saidSally,pickingupthewatermelonplatter.“I’mcoming.”
SheturnedtofaceRachelattheslidingdoortothebackyard.“Wordofadvice,”shesaid.“Don’tdigupthepastwhenitcomestoJennyStills.It’sonethingforagirltogobad.It’sanotherforhertotakedowngoodpeoplewithher.Shecausedterribletragedy,thatgirl.Ruinedlives.Doesn’tdeserveashredofsympathy.Youhearme?Notashred.”
19
Hannah
Igettheimpressionthatyou’reenjoyingyourtimeinNeapolis,Rachel.Me,I’mnotsosure.It’shardformetoprocessthestrangenessofreturninghereafterallthistime.ItrulythoughtI’dnevercomeback.WhenIheardyouwereheadingtoNeapolis,IthoughttomyselfthatifyoucoulddoitthensocouldI.Andso,muchtomysurprise,Idid.
Rachel,letmesaythatI’mtrulysorrywehaven’tmetinperson.I’dhopedwe’dalreadyknoweachotherbynow.Ihaveadmittedlychickenedoutseveraltimes.It’snothingtodowithyou.It’sallme.Idon’twantyoutomeetmethewaythatIamrightnow.Abasketcase,tobeperfectlyfrank.Vulnerable.Sad.TerriblyangrywhenIseepeopleIrecognizeandrememberhowbadlytheytreatedus.
Neapolisisaprettyplace,ifIputasideallmyemotionalbaggageandlookatitobjectively.Thehistoricdistrictisasgoodasanyyou’llfindanywheresouthoftheMason-DixonLine.Thecuisineissimplebutreally,reallygood.ThebestcrabcakesIevertasted,Iguesstheycallthemburgersnow,wereinNeapolis.Theoneyouateatthatmarinacafewasprettytasty,butitwasn’tevenclosetothecrabburgersmymommadewhenIwasakid.Myex-boyfriend,whofanciedhimselfachef,calledthattypeoffoodseafoodchic.Hesaidthosedishesalwayssoundbetterthantheytaste.ButthenhenevertastedthecrabcakesinNeapolis.
Thetownhaschanged.Atleastcomparedtomyrecollection.It’slesssleepy.Notasprovincial.Bigger.Busier.Still,somethingshavestayedthesame.Ivisitedmyoldelementaryschoolyesterday.ItlookedexactlyasIrememberedit.Samehallwaycolorscheme.Sameyard.Eventheagingplaygroundequipmentlookedthesame.Iwalkedpastcutefifth-gradekidslininguptogointoclass.HardtobelievethatIstoodthereoncewiththesameunsuspectingbright-eyedinnocence.Ididn’thavethefaintestideaofwhatlifehadinstoreforme.
Isupposeyou’rewonderingwhathappenedtoJennythatdayshewentoffwiththoseboys.Totellyouthetruth,Idon’treallyknow.Sheneversaidawordaboutit.AllIcansayisthatbythetimeshearrivedhomeinthemiddleofthenight,shewasadifferentperson.
MomwasasleepwhenIgotbacktothehousethatafternoonafterJennywastakeninthetruckbythoseboys.Ieventuallyfellasleepmyself,curledupatthebottomofMom’sbedlikeapuppy.IwokewhenIheardahesitantknockonthefrontdoor.Itwasthemiddleofthenight.Irushedacrossthehousetogetthedoor.Thedrapeshadbeenleftopenandthehousewasfilledwithfleetingshadowsfrompinetreesoutside.
“Who’sthere?”Myvoicetrembled.
“It’sJenny.Letmein.”Ashiverranthroughme.Iknewthatshewasbroken.Icouldhearitinhervoice.Ireleasedthelatchandswungthedoorwideopen
JennypushedpastmewhileIstuckmyheadoutintothenight.Notruckheadlightswerevisibleinthedarkandtherewasnosoundofanengine.Nosoundofanythingatallexceptfortreesrustlinginthewind.Iclosedthedoorandshutthebolt.
“Whywereyougoneforsolong?”Iasked.
Therewasnoresponse.Iturnedaroundandsawthatshe’ddisappeareddownthehall.Asliveroflightwasvisibleunderneaththebathroomdoor.Thetapswhinedandwaterpoundedrelentlesslyagainstthecheapenamelofthebathtub.Iknockedonthedoor,butJennyeitherdidn’thearme,ordidn’twanttoanswer.IwentbacktoMom’sroomandlaypressedbetweenherbodyandthewall,listeningtothewaterrununtilIfellasleep.
WhenIwoke,Mom’sfingersweretangledinmyhair.IhadtoslowlyunwrapthemsoasnottodisturbherwhenIcreptoutofbedtomyroomtocheckonJenny.Shewasfastasleepinmybottombunk,myteddybearpressedtoherstomach.Thequilthadfallenoff,leavingherexposed.Icouldseebruisesformingonherwristsandlegs.
Ididn’tknowwhattothinkandsoIdidn’t.Iwentabouttheusualmorningroutineinstead.Iatebreakfastandpackedourbeachbagwithtowelsandsandwiches.WhenMomwoke,Ibroughthertoastwithjellyandaweakcoffee.Shesatupwiththetrayonherlap,pickingatherfood.Noticingthetime,sheaskedwhyJennyandIweren’talreadyatthebeach.Imutteredsomethingabouthowwewereleavingsoon.Satisfied,sheturnedoverandwentbacktosleep.
TheheathungheavilythatmorningandIwasbecomingimpatientasthedaydraggedonandJennyshowednosignsofwaking.Eventually,Icouldn’twaitanylonger.
“Jenny?It’stimetogetup.”Ishookhergently.“It’llbetoohottowalktothebeachifwedon’tgosoon.”
“Leavemealone.I’mtired,”sheslurred.
Jennylaylikethatfordays.Listless.Shedidn’twash.Shebarelyate.She’dgoentiredayswithoututteringasinglesentence.
Ihadnoideawhatwaswrong.Iwasakid.Icouldn’tevenspeculate.Eitherway,IwassoconsumedwithtakingcareofMom,whocouldbarelygetoutofbedmostdays,thatIdidn’tknowhowtobreakthroughthewallofsilencethatmysisterhaderected.
Itmusthavebeenthreeorfourdayslaterwhenweranoutoffood.Notasliceofbreadoradropofmilkwasleftinthekitchenfridge.WehadnothingexceptforthelemonsonourtreeandafewcarrotsandtomatoesthatMomhadplantedinthespring.
ItoldMomwewereoutoffoodandshegavememoneyfromhersavingstogoshopping.SheassumedIwasgoingwithJenny.Ididn’ttellherthetruth.
Rick’sconveniencestorewastheclosestshoptoourhouseandtheonlyoneIcouldreachonfoot.Iwalkeddownthereandfilledashoppingbasketwithafewstaples.IpaidRickatthecounter.Hepackedallthegroceriesintofourplasticbags.Icarriedthem,twoineachhand,asIwalkedhomeontheshoulderoftheroad.Myarmsquicklybecamesorefromtheweightofthegroceries.Ihadtoputthebagsdownbymyfeettotakeashortbreakeveryfewminutes.
ItwasduringoneofthoserestbreaksthatIheardgravelcrunchbehindme.Iturnedtoseeanopen-backtruckpulltoastopnexttome.Itwasthesametruckanddriverwho’dgivenusaridehomethatdayafterthebeach.Thistime,therewerenopassengers.Thedriverwasalone.Hiselbowrestedcasuallyontheopenwindowasheleanedouttotalktome.
“How’syoursister?”heasked.
“She’sfine,”Ilied.
“Shearound?”
“Athome.Why?”
“Noreason,”hesaid,shovinganopenpackofguminmydirection.Despitemyimmediateinclinationtosayno,Itookastickofgumandpoppeditinmymouth
“Doyouwantaridehome?”heasked.“Thosebagslookheavy.Thatonehasasplitinit.”
Ilookeddownandsawthattheplasticbagwiththemilkcartonwassplitting.Iwastempted.Arideinthetruckwouldgetmehomeinminutesinsteadofhalfanhourstrugglinguphillwithtorngrocerybags.AsIhesitated,thedriverleanedacrossthecabinandswungthepassengerdooropen.
“Getin,”heorderedasifIdidn’thaveanychoice.IclimbedinandsatasfarawayfromhimasIcouldmanage.Mygrocerybagsrestedbymyfeet.
Insteadofdroppingmeonthemainroadlikelasttime,hetookasharpturndowntheroughaccessroadtoourhouse.Hestoppedoutsideourfrontporch,histruckenginerunning.Helookedtowardthehouse.Hiseyesweresearchingforsomething.Iguessedhe’dhopedtoseeJenny.Isnatchedmyshoppingbagsandclamberedout,relievedtobehome.
“Thanksfortheride,”Icalledoutinashrill,nervousvoiceasIsteppedontotheporch.
Heputthestickshiftingearandthepickuprattledforward.“TellyoursisterthatIsaid‘hey,’”hecalledout.“TellherIhopetoseeherrealsoon.”
20
Rachel
ScottBlair’sfamilyhomewasanultra-modernarchitecturalmasterpieceinthemostprestigiousneighborhoodofNeapolis.Ithadbeachaccess,aputtinggreen,andaresort-stylepool.Rachelhadseenthehouseinadesignmagazine.Eventhatdidn’tprepareherfortherealthingwhenCynthiaBlairopenedadouble-sizefrontdoortorevealablack-and-white-tiledhallwithanoverhangingchandelier.
“Gregisoneofyourbiggestfans,”gushedCynthiaassheescortedRachelintothelivingroom,whereawhiteleathersofafacedfloor-to-ceilingwindowswithbreathtakingoceanviews.Cynthiawastallandslim,withlongblondhair.Sheworefigure-huggingwhitepantsandasleevelessmatchingtopwithadeepneckline.Nestledbetweenherbreastswasathickgoldnecklacewithadiamondpendant
“Mywife’sright.Iamahugefan,Rachel,”saidGregBlairashefinishedaphonecallonthebalconyandcameinsidetomeether.Hewasdressedinimmaculatelypressedchinosandanoff-whiteopen-collarcottonshirt.Hehadthesamehandsomesquare-jawedgoodlooksashissonandthesameblueeyesandlightbrownhair.
“Whenyourproducercontactedme,Itoldhimwe’rehappytocooperateinanywaywecan.Wehavenothingtohide.We’reanopenbook.Anythingyouneed,youletmeknow.”
Rachelknewexactlywhatsheneeded:aninterviewwithScottBlair.Eventhoughthefamilyhadalreadysaidtwiceitwouldn’thappen,shedecidedtoputGregBlair’sgenerousoffertothetest.“IsScotthome?I’dloveforhimtojoinusforourchattoday,”shesaid.
“IwishScottcouldtalk.Toyou.Tothenetworks.Toeveryone,”Gregreplied.“Ireallydo.Scotty’sgoodnameandreputationhavebeendraggedthroughthemud.Hehasn’tbeenabletodefendhimself.Infact,hisnewattorneyhasgivenstrictinstructionsthathecan’ttalkuntilafterthetrial,”Gregsaid.“Itoldyourproducer—Pete,wasit?”
Rachelnodded.
“ItoldPetethatwe’dcooperateasmuchaspossiblebutthataninterviewwithScottisoutofthequestion.Afterthetrial,it’sadifferentstory,”hesaid.“Whatwearereallyhopingfor—andRachel,yourreputationprecedesyouinthisregard—isfairness.Wearehopingthatyourpodcastwillbefairandbalancedevenifyoucan’ttalktoScottuntilthetrialisover.”
Rachelnoddednoncommittallyasshechangedthesubjectbyfeigninginterestinthelonglappoolshecouldseethroughasidewindow.“IsthatwhereScottswimsthesedays?”sheasked.
“Yes,”saidGreg,walkinghertothewindowsoshecouldgetabetterviewofthefour-laneOlympic-lengthlappoolwithanoceanview.“Scottcouldn’tswimatthelocalpool.Themediawerestakingitout.Hehadtogothroughagauntletofcameraseachmorning.Fortunately,we’dputinthelappoolforme.Istillswimtwo,threemilesaday.Forceofhabit.Ihateusingourfamilypool.It’sgoodforpartiesbutbadforseriousswimming.SowebuiltthelappoolformeandsothatScottcouldcontinuehistraining.”
“Scottstilltrains?”
“Whenhecan,”saidGreg,hisvoicetightandbitter.HeescortedRachelbacktothelivingroomwhereheloweredhimselfontothewhiteleathersofaandmotionedforhertodothesame.“Scotthasn’tbeenallowedtoswimcompetitivelyformonths.ForaswimmerofScott’scaliber,thatalonecouldsetbackhiscareerpermanently.Heneverdidwhathe’sbeenaccusedofdoing.Histrialhasn’tbegun,asyouknow,buthispunishmentstartedrightaftertheaccusationswerefirstmade.Thelawsayshe’ssupposedtobepresumedinnocent.Inreality,it’squitetheopposite.”
“KellyMooresaysthatScottrapedher,”Rachelsaid.“Ifthat’strue,thenswimmingtrainingistheleastofhisproblems.”
“It’snottrue.Theywentskinnydippingandthenhadconsensualsex,”Gregresponded.“Idon’tknowwhatmotivatedthegirltomakefalseaccusations.Maybeshewaslookingforfame.Orperhapsrevenge,becauseScottstupidlyratedher,uh,sexualperformancepoorlyinamessagetohisfriendandshesawit.Idon’tknowhermotivation.ButIknowmysonandhedidn’tdoit.Hehadeverythingtoloseandnothingtogainotherthansomepus—”Hestoppedabruptly.
Thelastsyllablereverberatedthroughtheroom.HeandRachelbothknewwhathehadbeenabouttosay.Heclearedhisthroatawkwardly.
“Youweregoingtosay‘pussy’?”Rachelfilledintheblank.
“Thatwasuncalledfor,”hesaidwithoutmissingabeat.“YouhavetounderstandthatIhaven’tsleptindaysandwe’reallverystressed.Butthat’snoexcuse.Iapologize,”hesaid,risingfromthesofaandclappinghishandstogetherasiftosuggestthatepisodewasover.“Letmeshowyousomething.”
GregledRachelintoanadjacentroomwithcustom-mademahoganyshelvesofdifferentlengthsarrangedinaminimalistasymmetricaldesignonstarkwhitewalls.Oneachshelfweretrophiesandmedalsfromswimmingcompetitions.
OneshelfdisplayedawardsfromwhenGregwasachampionswimmer.ThesecondhadScott’sawardsalllinedup:elementaryschoolprizesallthewaytostateswimmingmedalsandnationalawards.
Greghelduponeofhisgoldmedals.“Thismedalwasfromthenationalchampionships.Iwongold.Broketwonationalrecords.”Hepickedupasilvermedal.“IwonthisintheWorldChampionships.Lostbyatenthofasecond.ImadetheOlympicteamandwasinthefinalweeksofpreparationwhenIgotpulledwithashoulderinjury.”
“Itmusthavebeenheartbreaking,”Rachelsympathized.
“Itwas.Ihadtohavemajorsurgery.Iwasonlytwenty.Nevergotmyformback.Itried,butIcouldn’treturntoeliteswimming.Itmeantalottomethatmysondecidedtofollowinmyfootsteps.Ineverpushedhimintoit.Scottchoseswimmingallbyhimself.Ifanything,Idiscouragedit.Iknewthedisciplineandfocusitrequired.Theagonyofdisappointment.Butitwashispassion.ItwashisdreamtomaketheOlympics.Hegaveithisall.Somanyyearsofhardwork.”Hesighed.
GregwentintoadetailedrundownofScott’scareer,startingfromhisfirstwinwhenhewaselevenatastatecompetition.“Hebarelytrained.Itwasrawtalentthatwonitforhim,”saidGreg.Afterthat,Scottexplodedontotheswimmingscenewithwinafterwin,atsixteenbreakinghisownfather’sstatefreestylerecord.Laterthatyear,hewonthejuniornationalchampionshipsinfreestyleandbackstroke.
“Askanyswimmingcoach.Anyswimmingcommentator.TheywilltellyouthatScottcouldbeoneofthegreatestswimmersthiscountryhasseen.Andthenthishappens.”
Asiftoemphasizehispoint,Gregopenedafileonhisdeskandliftedupathickpileofnewspaperclippings.Heheldupthetopclipping.ItwasafrontpagenewspaperarticlewithaphotoofpoliceofficershaulingScottoutofaswimmingpool.AsecondphotoshowedScottbeinghandcuffedwhiledrippingwetinhisSpeedo.“ChampionSwimmerArrestedforRapingTeen,”theheadlineread.
“Whywouldateenagegirlmaketheseaccusationsiftheywerefalse?”RachelaskedGregoncetheywereseatedbyaglasstableonthebalcony,overlookingthesea.
“Ihavenoidea.AndIdon’tneedtoknow.WhatIdoknowisthathedidn’tdoit.Scotthassomanygirlscomingafterhim.Hedoesn’tneedtorapeanunwillingteenagerwhenthereareplentyofattractiveyoungwomenwhoaremorethanwilling.Models.Actresses.Itmakesnosense,”hesaid.“It’sasifeveryoneisoutforhisblood.Theyhatehissuccess.”
“Doyoureallythinkit’sallaconspiracytocuthimdowntosize?”Rachelaskedskeptically.
“Mysondidn’tdoit!”Gregsaidfirmly.“Scottcouldspendthenextdecadeormoreinjail.Losethebestyearsofhislife.Forwhat?Becauseagirlchangedhermindafterthefact?Hewasakidhimself.Justeighteen.Drunk.Dumb.Heshouldhaveknownbetterthantogetmixedupwithagirllikethat.Withherfamilyconnectionsandall.Hergrandfatherwasthepolicechief.Thepolicetakecareoftheirown.”
Hesatbackandlookedoutatthepanoramicoceanviewwhilehecollectedhisthoughts.
“Scottdidn’trapethatgirl.Hedidn’t.Buthe’salreadybeingtreatedlikearapist.”
“Inwhatway?”Rachelasked.
“Well,foronething,basedonthisgirl’swordalone,heissuspendedfromcompetitiveswimming.Helosthiscollegescholarshipandhissponsorships.Myfearisthathewillalwaysbeknownastheswimmerwhowasaccusedofrape.Thatitwillbeapermanentsmear.Doesn’tmatterthathedidn’tdoit,”saidGreg.“IjusthopethejuryseesthetruthandacquitsScottsohecanstillfulfillhispotentialandwinthosegoldmedalsthathe’sbeenworkingsohardforallhislife.Scotty’sstillyoung.Hehasyearsofswimmingaheadofhim.Ifwecanonlygetpeopletoseethathehasbeenwronglyaccused.”
Hepausedastheslidingdooropenedandamanwearingjeansandanavyshirtjoinedthemonthebalcony.Hisfawnhairwasblowinginthewind.
RachelknewDaleQuinnonsight.Hewasarock-starlawyerwho’dcuthisteethbysuccessfullydefendingahusbandaccusedofthrowinghiswifeofftheireleventh-floorbalcony.Quinnmanagedtogetthehusbandacquittedbyconvincingthejurythatthewomanmighthavejumpedoffthebalconyafteranargument.
“DoyouknowwhyIchoseDaletodefendScott?”Gregasked.“Andithasnothingtodowiththefactthatwe’reoldhighschoolbuddiesfromwhenDalelivedhereinhisjunioryear,whilehisoldmanwaspostedatthemarinebaseoutoftown.”
“Ihavenoidea.”Rachelaskedthequestioneventhoughshecouldguesstheanswer.JurieslovedDaleQuinn.Hewasgood-looking,withaboyishcharmandavirtuosotalentatplayingheartstrings.She’dseenhiminactioninacourtroomwhenshewasanewspaperreporter.Ithadbeenlikewatchingamasterclassinwinningfriendsandinfluencingpeople.ExceptinQuinn’scase,hisspecialtywaswinningoverjurors.
“Sixyearsago,DaledefendedaboyaroundScott’sage.Similarscenario.Tellher,Dale,”Gregurged.
“Myclientandagirlhadsexonthecollegequadduringaparty.Consensual.Hetakesherbacktoherroomoutofasenseofchivalry,wheresheburstsintotearsandrunsintothebathroom.Hewaitsaroundtomakesureshe’sokay.Leaveshisphonenumberbeforehegoes,”Quinnsaid.“Nextmorning,hegetsarrestedforrape.Duringthetrial,myprivateinvestigatorfindsoutthatthevictimhasdonethisbefore.Twice.Falseallegationseachtime.Shewasaminor.Itwasallsealed.Thejudgeruleditwasexculpatory,sowecan’tbringitupattrial.Theonlywayoutofthismessisformetogethertoadmitsomeofthisstuffintheredirect.
“Iwasniceaspietoher.Askedherquestionseverywhichway.Nextthingyouknow,she’stellingthecourtthatshehadsexwithhimtospiteanex-boyfriendwhowasattheparty.Sheadmitsonthestandthatsheneversaidnoandconsentedatthetime.Afterward,sheregrettedit.Claimedshewasn’tallthatenthusiastic.Saysheshouldhaverealized.Lawdoesn’tallowforretroactivewithdrawalofconsent.”
“Itwenttothejury,”Greginterrupted.“Theydeliberatedforanhourandfoundhimnotguilty.”
“Yougothimoff.Thatmeansthesystemworks,”saidRachel,lookingatherownreflectioninDaleQuinn’sdarksunglasses.
“Hejumpedoffabridgeontoahighwaythreedayslater,”saidQuinn.Hepauseddramaticallytoletthatsinkin.“Thestress,thedepression,killedhim.Heknewhe’dnevergethisoldlifeback.Thathisgoodnamewasstainedforever.Helostaprestigiousinternship.Hadnohopeofgettingintoatieronefirmwhenhegraduated.Hiscareerwasdeadbeforeitbegan.”
Rachelrememberedhearingaboutthecase.Theboy’sparentshadgivenatearfulinterviewonacurrentaffairsprogramafterhedied.Beforehewaschargedwithrapetheirsonhadbeenofferedahighlysought-afterinternshipwithacongressman.Helosttheinternshipandhewassuspendedfromcollegeinthemiddleofthesemester.HisGPAfree-fell.Hewasstrugglingwithdepression.
“What’syourpoint?”Rachelasked.
“Whathappensduringamomentofintimacyiscomplicatedandconfusing.Whenweputitunderaspotlightinacourtoflawwediscoverthat,alotofthetime,thereisnoblackandwhite.Justshadesofgray,”saidQuinn.“Juriesdon’tlikegray.Thelawdoesn’tlikegray,”hesaid,standingup.“IfIwasMitchAlkins,I’dbeworried.It’stoughtogetaconvictionwhenallyoucanofferisgray.”
Quinntookoffhissunglassesandtuckedthemintohispocketasheturnedtoleave.“I’dbettergetgoing.Ihaveatrialthatstartsinunderforty-eighthoursandIhaven’twrittenawordofmyopeningstatement.”
AmaidarrivedwithabottleofRiesling.Gregpouredthemeachaglass.Racheldidn’tdrinkhers.TheBlairs’convivialityseemedlikeathinlydisguisedbidtogetRachelontheirside.Itannoyedher.
Whatinterestedhermostwasthewarroomupstairs,whereScottwasobviouslymeetingwithhisdefenseteam.Thedoorbellrangthreetimes.Eachtime,Cynthiaexcusedherselftoletmorelawyersintothehouse.Rachelheardhushedmurmursandthesoundoffootstepsaspeoplewalkedupthestaircasetothesecondfloor.Thenthesoundofadoorshuttingandthemurmurswouldimmediatelystop.
Allthewhile,GregBlairwasthumbingthrougholdalbums,showingherphotosofScottasaninfant,atoddler,afive-year-oldwithnofrontteeth.Scottbeamingonthewinner’spodiumwhenhereceivedhisfirstgoldmedal.TheBlairswantedtohumanizeScott.Toanextent,they’dsucceeded.BythetimeCynthiawalkedhertohercar,Rachelwassurprisedtofeelmoresympathythanshe’dexpected.
“Allwe’reaskingisthatyouhaveanopenmind,”saidCynthia.“Therehasbeenaterriblerushtojudgment.WewantScotttohaveafairhearingincourtandinthecourtofpublicopinion.Surelythat’snottoomuchtoask?”
21
GuiltyorNotGuilty
Season3,Episode5:TheDrive
IhavenodoubtthatKwouldhaveinstantlyrecognizedScottBlairwhenshesawhimstandingintheplaygroundthatnight.
HowcanIbesure?Becauseinthisdayandageofsocialmedia–drivenersatzfame,ScottBlairwasalocalcelebritythelikesofwhichNeapolishadneverreallyseenbefore.
TherewerearticlesaboutScottinthelocalnewspaperandinterviewswithhimontelevision.AtK’shighschool,ahugeframedphotoofScottwasinprideofplaceintheHallofFametrophycabinet.Thelocalswimcenterhadalife-sizedphotoofScottswimmingfreestylehangingnexttothedoorsleadingtotheindoorswimmingpool.Incidentally,bothphotoshavesincebeenremovedfollowingrequestsfromK’sfamilyafterScottBlairwaschargedwithherrapeandsexualassault.
Scott’scelebritystatuswaspoweredespeciallybysocialmedia.LikemanykidsatNeapolisHigh,KwasoneofScott’sonehundredandseventy-twothousandInstagramfollowers.Afterall,hewasthemostfamousgraduatefromtheirschool.Scottpostedphotosregularlybeforehewascharged.Scottdoinghisswimmingtraining.Scottweighttraining.Scottrunning.I’msureyougetthepicture.
IfyoulookatoldpostsonhisInstagramaccount,youcanseephotosoffoodpileduponthetablebeforeScotttuckedintohisbreakfast.Threebowlsofcereal.Apileoftoastcoveredintheequivalentofasmalljarofpeanutbutter.Threeglassesoforangejuice.Idon’tevenwanttothinkaboutwhatheateforlunchanddinner!
TherearephotosofScottinthegymliftingweights.Underwatershotsofhimswimming.Above-watershotsofhismusclesripplingashisarmscutintothewaterduringswimmeets.Actionshotsofhispowerfulkickasheslicedthroughthewater.Hedocumentedeveryaspectofhistrainingtoallhisadoringfans.
EversincethecopschargedScottwithrape,thereareastartlingnumberofInstagrampostswithphotosofhimvolunteeringathischurch,ladlingoutstewatasoupkitchen,andteachingswimmingtodisadvantagedkids.
Ofcourse,maybethat’sjustmebeingcynical.MaybeScottreallydiddevotehimselftophilanthropylongbeforehewaschargedwithseveralclassAsexualassaultfelonies.
InthemonthsbeforehewasnamedasasuspectintheKcase,ScottBlairwasonagruelingpre-Olympicstrainingschedule.Hewokeatdawntotrain.Heswamtwohoursinthepoolinthemorning.Twohoursintheevening.Anhouraroundmiddayinthegymworkingwithfreeweights.Hedidthisbrutaltrainingprogramsixdaysaweek.NothingunusualforachampionswimmerwithOlympicprospects.
Duringthistraining,Scottsustainedacalfinjury.Itwasanigglinginjurythatwasaffectinghisswimmingtimes.Hisswimcoachtoldhimtogohomefortheweekend.Takeafewdaysofffromtrainingandgethisfocusback.That’swhyScottwasbackinNeapolisthatSaturdaynight.
InoneoftheinterviewsthatScottgavebeforehisnewlawyer,DaleQuinn,stoppedhimfromtalkingtothemedia,hesaidthatwhenhewasbackhomeonweekendvisitshesometimeswenttothesameplaygroundwhereKdisappearedtomeetupwitholdfriendsandtorelaxfromthestressesofcompetitiveswimming.He’dgrownupintheneighborhood.That’showheandHarriskneweachothereventhoughtheywerealmosttwoyearsapartinage.
Scottsaidhewasstressedthatnight.Hehadcrucialtryoutscomingupinamonthandhewasworriedaboutthatnigglingcalfinjury.Sohewenttotheparktosoakuptheatmosphereofhisold“hood.”Tochill.Stareatthestars.Verypoetic.
Theprosecution’sclaimsarelesspoetic.Theysayhewastherebecausehe’darrangedforHarrisWilsontofollowKbackfromLexi’spartyandkeepherattheplaygrounduntilhecouldgetthereandwhiskherawayinhiscar.Whichisexactlywhathedid.
WhetheryoubelievetheprosecutionorScottBlairhimself,thefactisthatScottwastherethatnight.HesawKontheswing.Hegaveherarideinhiscar.
Shewentwithhimvoluntarily.WeknowthatbecausethereisCCTVfootageofthetwoofthemleavingtheplayground.Itwastakenfromthehouseoppositetheplayground,whichhadcameraspointingintothestreetduetoanongoinggraffitiproblem.Theownersofthehousehopedtocatchthevandalsintheactofspray-paintingtheirfence.
Instead,thecameracaughtScottBlairopeninghiscardoorforKandthendrivingoffwithherinhissilversportscar.Thefootagewasbroadcastonalocalnewschannelafterhewascharged.
Scottdidn’ttakeKhome,ashepromisedherbeforeshevoluntarilysteppedintohiscar.Ifhehad,everythingwouldhaveturnedoutdifferently.Heclaimsthatoncetheywereinthecar,Kaskedtogoforaspininhisnewconvertible.Ithadleatherseatsandthatnew-carsmell.HeclaimsthatheputthetopdownatK’srequest,eventhoughitwasOctober.NeapolisgetsbitingwindsfromtheAtlanticinOctober.Itwouldhavebeenfreezingdrivingaroundinaconvertiblethatnight.
Theydrovealongthecoast.Afterawhile,theystoppedatanall-nightpizzaplace.Morefootagedocumentsthatvisit,thistimereleasedtothemediabytheownerofthepizzaplace.Iguessthepizzastoreownerbelievesintheoldadagethatanypublicityisgoodpublicity,especiallywhenit’sfree.
Anyway,thefootageshowsScottandKstandingnexttoeachotheratthecounterastheyorder.Theysitandtalkwhiletheywaitfortheirpizzastobemade.Afterabouttenminutes,Scottgetsupandcollectstwoboxesofpizzaandtwosodasinthoseoversizedcups.
Scottwalksoutofthepizzaplacecarryingthepizzaboxes.Hehasabaseballcapwornbackwardonhishead,jeans,andadarkT-shirt.Kisbehindhimcarryingthesodas.YoucanseeherclearlyintheCCTVfootage.
Thedefensewillarguethatshecouldhavehungback.Shecouldhaveaskedthestaffatthepizzaplacetocallthecopsorusedtheirphonetocallherdad.Shecouldhaverunforit.Shedidn’t.ShefollowedScotttohiscarandthetwoofthemdroveoff.Thatindicatesthatshewaswithhimwillingly,whichthedefensewillargueisindicativeofherstateofmindthatnight.
Scottdrovetoabeach.Hechosethelastbeachesbeforethenationalpark,southofNeapolis.ThereareafewboatshedsonthebeachtostoreJetSkisandmotorboatsforwater-skiing.Scott’sparentskeepaboatthere.Scottwouldhaveknownthatnobodygoesthere.Thatit’soutofthewayandusuallydeserted.
Incommentstoreportersafterhewasfirstcharged,hesaidthatheandKsatonthebeachandatepizza.Theylistenedtomusicandtalked.Itwasfun.Romantic.Andthenonethingledtoanotherandtheyhadsex.
Here’swhathislawyersays:“Myclient,ScottBlair,andKwentswimmingtogetheronthenightinquestionafterwhichtheyengagedinconsensualsex.Therewasnoviolence,rape,orcoercionofanykind.Everythingthathappenedthatnight,includingsexualactivity,wasentirelyconsensualatthetimethatittookplace.Iftherewereregretsafterward,thenthatisunfortunate,butithasnothingtodowiththewaymyclientactedthatnight.Scottisinnocentofthechargesagainsthim.”
Theprosecutorsgiveaverydifferentstoryintheirindictment.TheysaythatScottluredKintohiscarwiththepromiseofaridehome.Instead,hetookherforadriveandstoppedtobuypizza,whichtheytooktoanisolatedbeachwhereherapedKrepeatedly,afterwhichheabandonedherandmadethethree-hourdrivebacktohiscollegeapartmentsohewouldhaveanalibi.
TheysaythatScottBlairrapedKbecausehewasinacompetitionwithafriendtoseewhocouldhavesexwiththemostgirlsinathirty-dayperiod.Kwasgoingtobeanotchonhisbedpost.Whethershewanteditornot.
I’mtryingreallyhardheretobeobjective.IneedtogiveScottthebenefitofthedoubt.Youknow,innocentuntilprovenguilty.Plus,it’smyjobtokeepanopenmind.
Thequestionthatkeepsbuggingmeis:WhydidScottleaveKaloneatthebeachanddrivebacktohiscollegeapartment?Whydothatifitwasaninnocentsexualtryst?
Scott’sparentsclaimthatKaskedScotttodropheratthebusstop.ThatshetoldScottshe’drathertakethebushomeinthemorningsothatnobodywouldseehimdroppingheroff.Shedidn’twantherparentstofindoutthatshe’dspentthenightwithhim.
WasScottabandoningKtomakeherownwayhometheactofaninnocentyoungmanwhohadtrulydonenothingwrong?Ortheactofamanwithaveryguiltyconsciencetryingtocoverupforacrimeheknewthathe’dcommitted?We’llfigureitouttogetherwhenthetrialbeginstomorrow.
I’mRachelKrallandthisisGuiltyorNotGuilty,thepodcastthatputsyouinthejurybox.
22
Rachel
ThesouthernlawnoftheNeapoliscourthousewascordonedoffasTVreportersdidlivebroadcastswiththeredbrickneo-Georgianbuildingasabackdrop.Thecourthousedatedtothelatenineteenthcentury,whenNeapolishadaspirationsofbecomingamajorseaport.Ithadanexpansiveplazawithastonestaircasethatledtoawhite-trimmedpillaredporticoattheentrance.
RacheljoinedagroupoflocalswatchingfrombehindabarrierasaTVreporterfinishedthetailendofaQ&Awithastudiohostduringalivebroadcast.
“Thetrialhasdividedthissmallcoastaltown.SomesaythatScottBlair,theswimmingstarontrialforrapingahighschoolstudent,isinnocentandhasbeenscapegoatedbypoliticalcorrectnessgoneoverboard.Othersareworriedtheverdictinthiscasewillaffectthewillingnessofrapevictimstocomeforward,”saidthereporter,pausingtolistentothenextquestioncomingthroughherearpiece.
Racheldidn’tstaytohearthereporter’sanswertothefollow-upquestion.Alonglinewasformingontheupstairsporticotopassthroughthemetaldetectorsjustinsidetheglass-doorentranceofthecourthouse.Rachelrushedtojointheline,zigzaggingthroughthecrowdedplazaandtakingthestairstwoatatimeafterflashingherjournalist’scredentialsatanimpassivepoliceofficermanningthebarricade.
Shelookeddownattheplazafromthetopofthestairsasshewaitedtogothroughthemetaldetectors.TheareawasbustlingwithafestiveatmospherethatseemedtoRacheltobeinpoortaste,givenitwasthestartofarapetrial.Foodtrucksweredoingaroaringtradeincoffee,doughnuts,andbreakfastburritos.ProtesterswithblackT-shirtsthatsaid“StopRapists”werewaving“LockHimUp”placards.Localsstoodaroundtakingselfies.
WhentheBlairfamily’scarpulledin,therewasasuddenhigh-pitchedscreamsoloudthatheadsturnedtoseewhatwasgoingon.“Castratehim,”aprotesterscreeched.ItwasfollowedbyincoherentchantingthatbecamelouderasScottBlairandhisparentsmovedthroughthecrowdedplaza,flankedbyatwo-mansecuritydetail.Rachelrealizedtheprotesterswerechanting,“Cutitoff,cutitoff,”astheyfollowedtheBlairfamilytothecourthousesteps.TheywereshouteddownbyarivalgroupofmostlywomenwearingwhiteT-shirtswithScottBlair’sphotoprintedabovetheword“Innocent.”
Thecourtroomwashalf-emptywhenRachelpushedthroughitsimposingpolisheddoorsandsettledinherreservedseatinthemediagallery.Thecourthadoriginaltimberbenches,paneledwalls,andagraystonefloor.Filteredlightcamethroughclearleadwindowssethighuponthewalls.Theysoftenedtheharshsummerlightandgavethecourttheatmosphereofachurch.
Therelativequietwasdisruptedbythechaoticthumpoffilesbeingunloadedontotablesbyparalegals.Courtclerksturnedoncomputersandarrangedpaperworkastheypreparedforthejudge’sarrival.Ahumofchatterroseintoadinasthecourtroomquicklyfilledtocapacity.
ScottBlairarrived,surroundedbyaphalanxoflawyers.HeworedarkpantsandalightblueV-necksweaterthatmadehimlookwholesomeandyoungerthanhisnineteenyears.
CynthiaBlairwalkedbehindhiminanausterenavydress.Herhairwasstyledstraight;hermakeup,natural.Herjewelrywasalmostnonexistentotherthanherweddingring.Rachelfoundithardtobelievethatshewasthesameglamorous,bejeweledwomanshe’dmettwodaysago.GregBlairworeamiddle-of-the-rangesuitthatRachelcynicallysuspectedwascarefullychosentomakethejuryforgetthattheBlairswerethewealthiestfamilyintown.
DaleQuinnhadchosenanequallyforgettablesuit-and-tieensembleinhisbidtoplaytheroleoflocalboydonegoodratherthanthebrashout-of-towner.Quinnhadusedeverymediaopportunityleadinguptothetrial,includingaprofilepuffpieceinthelocalnewspaper,towaxnostalgicaboutgrowingupinNeapolis.Eventhough,fromwhatRachelknew,he’dlivedthereonlybriefly.
Withthosecarefullyplacedinterviews,he’dcourtedthefuturejurorsbeforetheyevenreceivedtheirlettersinthemailsummoningthemtojuryduty.Quinnwellknewthepowerofpretrialpublicity.“It’snevertooearlytostartinfluencingajury,”hewasfondofsaying,asRachelhadlearnedfromwatchingYouTubevideosofhislecturesandinterviewsaspartofherownpretrialresearch.
Thebailiff’sboomingvoicebroughteveryonetotheirfeetasawood-paneleddooropenedandthejudgeenteredthecourtroom.JudgeNathanielShawwasashortishmanwithawiryframeevidentdespitethebillowingfoldsofhisblackrobe.Histannedfacewastestamenttohisreputationasanavidsailorandcyclist.Rachelhadheardthejudgewassometimesknowntocycletocourtonhisracingbike.Thegraytingestohislightbrownhairgavehimagravitasbeyondhisforty-somethingyears.Hissharpblueeyesscannedthecourtwithahaughtyauthoritythattoldeveryone,withouthimhavingtoutterasingleword,thathedidnotsufferfoolsgladly.
JudgeShawwasknowntohaveanaversiontolong-windedargumentsandcourtroomtheatrics.Hehadalowthresholdforlegalmaneuveringsofanykindiftheyslowedthewheelsofjusticeunnecessarily.Hisjudgmentswereterseandrathercolorlessintheirlegalprose,thoughsometimesinterestinginpointsoflaw.Hehadzerotoleranceforgrandstanding,andmostnotably,heloathedjournalistswithapassionateintensity.Heglaredatthereportersinthemediagalleryasiftoremindthemofthatfact.
Rachelfeltthathismostwitheringscowlwasreservedforher.She’dbeentoldconfidentiallywhenshepickeduphermediaaccreditationbadgethatJudgeShawwasnothappythatshe’dbecoveringthetrialforthepodcast.He’dfoundoutfromhisstaffthatherinvestigativeworkinSeason1ofGuiltyorNotGuiltyhadresultedinFrankMurphybeingletoutofprisonafterRachelfoundfreshevidencethatquashedthepopularhighschoolcoach’smurderconviction.
ForthepastsevenoftheelevenyearsinwhichJudgeShawhadbeenajudge,hehadn’tbeenreversed.Notonce.He’dtoldhisstaffthatnopodcasterwasgoingtoruinhisnear-exemplaryrecord.Oratleastthat’swhatRachelwastoldbyhersource,acourtadministratorwhowasafanofherpodcastandhadbecomeawealthofinformationontheinnerworkingsofthecourthouse.
JudgeShawhadalreadybannedvideoandaudiorecordingsofthetrial.ThelastthingRachelneededwasforthejudgetomicromanagehercoverageorrestrictheraccess.ItwaswithreliefthatRachelheardfromthesamecourtadministratorthatJudgeShawwasaself-confessedLudditewhohadneverlistenedtoapodcastinhislifeanddidn’tevenownasmartphone.“Let’shopeitstaysthatway,”she’dtoldPete.
Afterthejuryfiledin,theMoorefamilyenteredthecourtroom.Kelly’sparentsheldtheirdaughter’sarms,proppingherupandshieldingherfromseeingScottBlairatthedefendant’stableastheymadetheirwaytoarowofseatsbehindtheprosecutors.Kellyhadbeenallowedincourttolistentotheprosecution’sopeningarguments.Afterthat,sheandhermotherwouldhavetoleave,astheywerebothbeingcalledaswitnessesandtherulesofcourtprohibitedthemfrombeingpresentuntiltheytestified.DanMoorehadtoldRachelthathewouldsitthroughtheentiretrialtorepresentthefamily.
Thefirsthourwasspentontiresomeadministrativemattersthatmadeeveryonerestlessastheywaitedforthetrialtobegininearnest.AnalmostperceptiblesighofreliefranthroughthecourtwhenJudgeShawcalledontheprosecutiontopresentitsopeningarguments.
MitchAlkinsstoodtohisfullimposingheight.Hehaddarkhairandthebroadshouldersofalumberjack.Histhunderousbaritonecouldscarethebejesusoutofwitnesseswhenusedtofulleffect.Seasonedpolicedetectiveswereknowntoleavethestandinaquivering,sweatymessaftergoingafewroundswithAlkinswhenhe’dbeenadefenselawyer.Rachelhadnodoubtthathewasequallyintimidatingasaprosecutor.Justthesoundofhisthunderousvoicewasenoughtomakepeoplequake,whichiswhysheguessedheuseditjudiciously.Therewasafinebalancebetweenhavingthejuryinaweofhimandterrifyingthejurorstodeath.
Alkins’sdecisiontoswitchfromcriminaldefensetoprosecutionwasoneofthegreatmysteriesofthecriminallawworld.Somesaiditwaspenanceforgettingachildrapistacquitted.Otherssaiditwasastepping-stonetopolitics.Speculationwasrife,butnobodyknewthetruth.TheonlypersonwhodidwasMitchAlkins,andhewasn’ttalking
Alkinsstoodbeforethejuryandsurveyedtheirfacesoverthetopsofthepagesofhisopeningstatement.Healwaysworethesametieonthefirstdayofatrial,yellowwithnavydiagonalstripes.Hewasnotsuperstitiousaboutanythingexceptthattie,whichhekeptinanoldtobaccoboxinhisofficedeskdrawer.
Withoutsayingaword,hetossedthepreparedspeechintoatrashbinbyhistable.Itwasasifhewastellingthejurythathetrustedthemenoughtogivethemtheraw,unvarnishedtruth.Nosubterfuge.Nopretense.Thejurywascraningtolistentohimbeforehe’dsaidasingleword.
Rachel’spenhoveredoverhernotebookasshewaitedforAlkinstostarttalking.Sheintendedtotakedowneveryword,ifshecouldkeepup.She’dpostatranscriptofhisopeningstatementonthepodcastwebsiteaftercourtrecessedthatafternoon.
Alkinsopenedhisaddresssoftly,introducinghimselfandtellingthejuryalittleaboutthecase.Bytheendofthetrial,hesaid,therewouldbeenoughevidenceforthemtofindthedefendantguiltybeyondareasonabledoubtofthemultiplecountsofrape,sexualassault,andsexualbatteryofwhichhewasaccused.
Hegesturedinthedirectionofthedefensetable,whereScottBlairstaredstraightahead,tryingnottosquirmunderthejury’spiercingappraisal.Hehadacontrite,vacantexpressionthatmadehimlookasifhecouldn’tharmafly.Rachelthoughtitlookedrehearsed,justlikeeverythingelseabouttheBlairfamily’spresenceatcourtthatmorning,fromtheunderstatedclothestothesomberdemeanor.
“Thevictim,KellyMoore,hadherwholelifeaheadofherontheafternoonofOctober11whenshewenttoherfriendLexiRourke’shouse.”Alkins’ssmoothvoicefilledthecourtroom.
“Kellywassixteen.Shewasahappy,well-adjustedgirl.Anexcellentstudent.Agiftedathlete.Shewaslookingforwardtoalltheusualritesofpassageofherteenageyears,gettingherdriver’slicense,herjuniorprom.Maybeevenherfirstboyfriend.Kellyworkedhardinschool.Shewantedtobecomeaphysiotherapist,orworkineducationwithdisadvantagedchildren.Thosewereherdreams.Simpledreams.”Alkinslockedeyeswitheachjurorashespoke.
“AllofthatchangedwhenthedefendantluredKellytoanisolatedbeachinthemiddleofthenightwhereherapedher.Repeatedly.Andsexuallyassaultedher.Andbrutalizedher.
“Kellywillappearbeforeyouasawitness.Shewilltellyouinherownwordswhathappenedtoherandtheterriblethingsthatweredonetoherbodyandtoherspirit.Noperson,letaloneayounggirl,shouldeverhavetoenduresuchtreatment.Kellywasleftwithdeepemotionalwoundsthatmaytakeyearstoheal.Ifever.Letusnotdiminishtheimpactofasexualassaultonavictim’slife.”
DaleQuinnandhisteamshiftedrestlesslyintheirsqueakychairsasAlkinsmovedontodetailtheevidencethathewouldpresent.JudgeShawgavethemseveralsharplooksbuthedidn’tadmonishthem.Therewasnoneedtointervene.Thenoisewaslostonthejury.Theirattentiondidn’twaverfromAlkinsasheeffortlesslycommandedthecourtroom.
“Kelly’smotherandhertherapistwilltakethestand.TheywilltellyouhowtherapehasaffectedKellyandherfamilyinwaysthathave,frankly,leftmeheartsore.Youwillheartestimonyfromdoctors,nurses,andpoliceinvestigatorsaboutphysicalevidencethatsupportsKelly’sdescriptionofwhathappenedtoher.
“You’llhearhowthedefendant,ScottBlair,andhiscollegeroommatewerehavingacompetitiontoseewhocouldhavesexwiththemostgirlsinathirty-dayperiod.Theyweretotakeaphotoandrateeachgirl.Thefriendwaswinning.Thedefendant,Mr.Blair,didnotliketolose.Notinhiscompetitiveswimmingmeetsandcertainlynotinthissordidsexcompetitionwithhisroommate,”saidAlkins.“WhenhesawKellywalkofffromthepartyandwaswronglytoldthatshewasinterestedinhim,hedecidedhe’dhavesexwithherthatnight.Whatshewantedwasofnointeresttohim.”Hepaused.“HehadamotivetorapeKelly.Andherapedher.Heeventookaphotoandratedhersoshe’dbeaddedtohistally.”
Atthementionofhisname,ScottBlairlookedupatAlkinsdefiantly.RachelsawDaleQuinnsurreptitiouslykickhisclient’sshoeandScottquicklyloweredhiseyesandhunchedhisshoulderslikeavictimizedschoolboy.
“YouwillhearfromHarrisWilson,whowilltestifyaboutthepredatory,premeditatedstepsScottBlairtooktohavesexwithKellythatnight,whiletryinghisbesttoestablishanalibi.Mr.BlairtoldHarristhathewasnotinterestedinwhetherKellyconsentedtosexualintercoursebecausehewouldhavesexwithherregardless.Andshedidnotconsent,asKellyherselfwilltellyouwhenshetakesthestand.Inaddition,wewillenterintoevidencetheheartlessboastfulmessagethatMr.BlairsenthisfriendafterherapedKelly.Hewasn’tashamedofwhathe’ddone.Hewasproud.”
AlkinsdidnotpointoutthatKellywassittingincourtwithherparents’armsaroundher,apalefacecocoonedbyherfamily’slove.Itmighthaveaddedtothedramaticeffect.Rachelsawhimhesitateforafractionofasecondasifhewasconsideringit,buthemovedon.
“ThepartyhostedbyKelly’sfriendLexiwassupposedtohavebeenasmallget-together,butwordgotaroundonsocialmedia,asseemstohappenfrequentlythesedays.Morethansixtypeopleturnedup,includingcollegekidsandhighschoolseniors.AmongthekidswhocrashedthepartywereScottBlairandhisfriendHarrisWilson.
“Kellyhadacoupleofbeers,asdidmostofthepartygoers.Shehadn’teatenanythingthatnight,whichmadetheeffectsofthealcoholworse.Whenshestartedfeelingdrunk,shedrankacoupleofcupsofsodatosoberup.Shedidn’tknowthatsomeonehadspikedthesodabottlewithvodka,andthussheinadvertentlybecameverydrunk.Notlongafter,KellyhadanargumentwithherfriendLexi,apparentlyoveraboytheybothliked,andshewaslockedoutofthehouseandforcedtowalkhomeinthedark.
“Kellyisnotontrial,”saidAlkins.“We’renotheretojudgethewisdomofheractionsthatnight.Isitillegalforagirlheragetodrinkalcohol?Yes.ButKellyhasnotbeenchargedwithunderagedrinking.Norhaveanyofthekidsatthatparty.Andyouarenotheretopassjudgmentonthatmatter.WasitapoordecisionforKellytowalkhomeinthedark?Anyoneofyouwhohasraisedteenagersknowstheyroutinelymakepoordecisions.Doesthatjustifythembeinghurt,orassaulted,orraped?No,itdoesnot.Apersonshouldbeabletowalkhome,eveninthedark,eventhroughanisolatedfield,andarrivehomesafely.”
AlkinsmovedintoadetaileddescriptionofhowScottBlairtoldHarristofollowKellybackfromthepartyandkeepherdistractedatalocalplaygrounduntilhecouldgetthere.“Kellyhadnoideathatshewasbeingsetup.Thatshewaswalkingintoatrap.”
RachelflexedhercrampedhandasAlkinspausedtoletitallsinkin.HemovedintoavividdescriptionofhowKellycametobeinScott’scarandtheirvisittothepizzaplace.
“ScottBlairofferedheraridehome.Butinsteadofdrivingherhome,thedefendanttookKellytoanisolatedbeachwhereherapedandsexuallyassaultedher.Whenhewasdone,helefthertomakeherownwayhomebybusandhefledtohiscollegeapartment,where,helaterfalselyclaimed,he’dspentthenight.”
ThejurorssattransfixedasAlkinswoveanarrativesoconvincingthatoneofthejurorsglaredatScottBlairwhenAlkinsdescribedhowhe’dleftKellyMooretomakeherownwayhomebybus,slippinghermoneyforaticketbutnotbotheringtocheckthescheduletoseeiftherewereanybusesrunning.Kellyhadtowaitforhoursatalonebusstopbythecarparknexttothedesertedbeachbeforeabusarrived.Itwasout-of-seasonandthebeachwasonlyservicedbytwobusesaday.
“Scottdideverythinghecouldtocoverupbeforeandafterthecrime.HeconvincedHarristolureKellytotheplaygroundsothathewouldn’tbeseenwithherinadvanceoftherape.Hethenabandonedheranddrovebacktohisapartmentafterherapedher.Heevenensuredthatshewashedaftertherapeinafailedattempttoeradicateforensicevidenceofhisassault,”saidAlkins.
“ScottBlaircommittedagraveandterriblecrime,”hesaid.“Hediditknowingly.Hediditviolently.Andhediditwiththearroganceofsomeonewhobelievedthathecouldgetawaywithit.Hebelievedthathisfameandfamilyconnectionsputhimabovethelaw,”saidAlkins,takingastepclosertothejuryashewrappedup.
“ScottBlairignoredKelly’sdesperaterequestsforhimtostophavingsexwithherbecausehedidn’tcarewhatshewanted.Itwasofzerointeresttohim.Hisonlyconcernwaswhathewanted,whichwastosatisfyhisowncarnaldesiresandtowinasordidanddemeaningsexcompetition,”saidAlkins.“Hedidwhathedidwithaclearhead.Withplanning.Withforethought.Withfullknowledgeitwaswrong.Andmostofall,withcontempt.Contemptforthelaw.AndcontemptfortherightsandchoicesofyoungKelly.Theevidencewillprovethisbeyondareasonabledoubt.Whenitdoes,itwillbeyourdutytoconvictScottBlaironallcharges.”
23
Rachel
TheeffectofAlkins’saddresswashypnotic.Hisfinalwordshungintheairashewalkedbacktohisseatslowlyanddeliberately.Foralongmoment,theonlysoundinthecourtroomwasthetapofhisshoesagainstthestonefloor.TheelectricsilenceremindedRachelofthehushinatheaterbeforetheaudiencerisestoitsfeetforathunderousstandingovation.
Sittingatthedefensetable,DaleQuinnflickedthroughthepagesofhislegalpadwithpretendnonchalancewhilehewaitedforJudgeShaw’sinstructions.RachelknewthatQuinnwouldcomeoutfightingharderthanevertowinthejurybackfromAlkins.
DuringthebriefpausethatfollowedAlkins’saddress,RachelcheckedherphonediscreetlytoseeifPetehadmadeanyheadwayfindingHannah.Inthelastfewdays,Hannahhadabruptlystoppedsendingletters.RachelhadaskedPetetocheckhotelsandevencarrentalplacesinthegreaterNeapolisareatolocateher.Ifthatdidn’twork,thenRachelhaddecidedtodoacalloutattheendofherpodcast.Hannahclaimedtobeafan.She’dhearthecalloutand,Rachelhoped,contactheragain.
RachelturnedtoafreshpageonhernotepadasJudgeShawinvitedQuinntodeliverhisopeningstatement.Shehopedtohaveaprettycomprehensive,perhapsevenword-perfecttranscriptofbothopeningstatementsonthewebsitebytheendoftheday.Shewantedheraudiencetofeelthattheywereincourtthemselves,gettingalltherelevantinformationsotheycouldcomeupwithaninformedverdict.Shewantedthemtofeelasiftheywereinthejurybox.
Quinnstoodabruptly,withwhatseemedtobenervousclumsiness.Hetookasipofwaterandpromptlyspilledsomeonhisshirtinfullviewofthejury.
Rachel,who’dstudiedQuinn’splaybookinherpretrialresearch,knewitwasatrickhe’dlearnedfromalegendarytriallawyerhe’dinternedwithduringlawschool.Hismentor’sgo-tomovewastostumbleoversomethingincourt,beitabriefcaseoratableleg.Itdidn’tmatterwhathetrippedoversolongashetripped.Itimmediatelybrokeaninvisiblebarrierwiththejurors.Theyconnectedtohimasaperson,andbyextensiontohisclient.
Quinnmadeashowofpullingoutahandkerchiefanddabbingathiswater-stainedshirtasthejurylookedonsympathetically.JudgeShaw,whoknewallthetricksofthetrade,waslesstolerant.
“Mr.Quinn.”Thejudge’schairsqueakedasheleanedintohismicrophone.“Ibelievewe’rewaiting.”
“Ofcourse,YourHonor,”saidQuinn.Hegaveonefinaldabtohiswetshirtandsmiledbashfullyatthejury.HeseemedyoungandineptcomparedtoAlkins,eventhoughRachelwasprettysuretheywerearoundthesameage.
RacheladmiredthewayQuinnhadturnedhimselfintoanunderdog.Afterall,whodoesn’tlikeanunderdog?ThespellthatAlkinshadcastoverthecourtroomwasbrokenbythetimeQuinnopenedhismouthtospeak.
“Aboutthreemonthsago,IreceivedatelephonecallatmyofficesinMemphisaskingmetodefendayoungswimmerwhoI’dneverheardofbefore.Idon’tmuchfollowswimming.MywifeandIhavetwinbabiesathome.WhenI’mnotincourt,I’mhelpingherfeedandbathethem.SoIdidn’tknowwhoScottBlairwaswhenIreceivedthecall.Icertainlydidn’tknowhewasapotentialOlympianwhenIheardtheuncertainvoiceofayoungmanaskingifIwouldtakehiscase,”hesaid.Rachelracedtokeepupwithhim,herpentearingacrossthepagesofhernotebook.
“Well,IimmediatelysaidthatIwouldnottakeanycaseoutsideofTennessee,eventhoughIamlicensedtopracticelawinNorthCarolina.Bytheway,that’snothingagainstthisfinestate.IgrewuphereandhavemanyfondmemoriesofNeapolis.It’sbecauseIpromisedBethwhenshehadthetwinsthatIwouldn’tdoanytravelinguntilthegirlswereolder.IliketothinkthatIamamanofmyword.
“Scottbeggedmetohearhimout.HetoldmewhathappenedthatnightlastOctober,thefactsofwhichareasdifferentasdayisfromnightfromtheversionMr.Alkinsgaveyou,”hesaid,hisgrimtonegivingextraweighttohiswords.“ThatwaswhenIunderstoodthatarealmiscarriageofjusticewastakingplacehereinNeapolis.Itbotheredmegreatlytohearofthisboy’sproblems.ButIcouldnottakehiscase.Itoldhimso.Ihadgivenasolemnpromisetomywife
“ItoldBethabouthiscallthatnightoverdinner.BethinsistedthatItelephonethatboyfirstthingthenextmorningtotellhimI’drepresenthim.Shetoldmeshe’dmanagewiththebabieswhileIwasaway.ThatIcouldn’tletthisboy’slifeberuinedbyanunjustconviction.
“Soit’sthankstoBeththatIamstandingbeforeyoutotellyouallthatScott,well,hehasbeenunfairlymalignedandwronglychargedforacrimethathedidnotcommit.Scottisinnocent.Underourjudicialsystem,heispresumedinnocent.Unfortunately,longbeforethetrialbegan,Scott’sgoodnamewasdraggedthroughthemud.HisreputationhasbeenstainedsodeeplythatIamnotsureitcaneverbewashedclean.
“Hehasbeensuspendedfromthestateswimteamandbarredfromattendingthenationalswimmingchampionships.HisOlympicdreamsareinshambles.Hiscollegescholarshiphasbeenrevoked.Hissponsorshaveabandonedhim.Thisboy’slifeisinruinsduetoallegationsofacrimethathedidnotcommit,”Quinnsaid.
“LetmetellyoualittleaboutScott.Heisnineteenyearsoldandhasalreadysethalfadozenstateswimrecordsinfreestyle.Ifthat’snotenough,he’scomewithinarazor’sedgeofsettingnationalrecords.Someofournation’stopswimmersandcoacheshavesaidthatScotthasthepotentialtobe‘thegreatestswimmerofhisgeneration.’
“Ittakesalottoreachthiselitelevel.Whileallofuswerefastasleepinourbedsovertheyears,ScotthasdivedintothecoldwaterofanOlympicswimmingpoolbeforedawntoswimfortwohours.He’sbeendoingitsincehewasnineyearsold.Sixdaysaweek,fortymilesaweek.Soit’samazingtomethatScotthasstillhadtimeforfamily,hischurch,andofcoursehisstudies.”Quinnputhishandsinhispocketsashesoftenedhisvoice.
“Butthat’snotallthathe’shadtimefor.Inasocietyinwhichyoungpeoplearesadlyalltoooftenself-absorbed,Scottdevoteshissparetimetohelpingthoselessfortunatethanhimself,inhischurchandinthewidercommunity.YouwillhearaboutScott’sgoodworksthatattesttohistruecharacter.Youwillhearpowerfulforensictestimonyfromaworld-renownedmedicalexpertfromHarvardwhowilltellyouthattherewasnoindicationofforceonthecomplainant’sbody.YouwillseeCCTVfootagethatshowsScottandthecomplainantenjoyingeachother’scompanythatnight.
“TheprosecutionwillnotbeabletoofferyouascrapofactualhardevidencethatScottcommittedthecrimesforwhichheisontrial.Here.Inthiscourtroom.Why?Becausethereisnoevidence.Notashred.Theprosecutionmayofferyouinnuendoandsupposition,butitwon’tofferyouevidence.Itcan’t.Becausemyclientdidn’tdoit.
“Scotthaslosthiscollegescholarship,hisincome,hisplaceinthenationalchampionships.Andnowhisveryfreedomisthreatened.Allduetounsubstantiatedaccusations.Rumorandinnuendo.”Quinn’svoicefilledwithoutrage.
“Itisfrighteningtothinkthatapromisingyoungman’slifecanberuinedbyabaselessaccusation.Withnoevidence,”hesighed.“Iguessthat’stheworldweliveintoday.Aworldwhereaccusationsswayopinion.Aworldwhereevidencedoesn’tmatter.Aworldwhereapersonisdeemedguiltywithoutanyproof.
“Scott’sdad,GregBlair,hadhisownOlympicswimmingcareercutshortduetoashoulderinjurywhenhewasjusttwenty.HetoldmeyesterdaythatthedevastationhefeltwhenhehadtopulloutoftheOlympicswasnothingcomparedtothedayhesawhissonhauledbypoliceoutofanOlympicswimmingpoolwhiletrainingforthenationaltitles.ItwasdoneinfullviewofmediacamerastohumiliateScott.Togivethefalseimpressionhewasguilty.
“Scott’shandswerecuffedbehindhisback.Hewasfrog-marchedbypoliceoutofthepoolinadripping-wetSpeedoandshovedintoapolicecarwhilenewscamerasphotographedhim.ThemobdecidedScottwasguiltywithoutashredofevidence.Notashred.
“YouthejuryhavethechancetorectifythatterriblewrongthathasbeendonetoScott,becauseScottdidnotrapeorsexuallyassaultKellyMoore.Theprosecutor,Mr.Alkins,won’tbeabletogiveyouevidence,letaloneevidencebeyondareasonabledoubt,forthesimplereasonthatnoneexists.Scotthere,well,hedidnotcommitthesecrimes.Heisinnocent.”Quinnpausedtoletthewordssinkin.
“Therewasnorape.Nosexualassault.That’sjustnottrue,”Quinncontinued.“WhatdidhappenwasthatScottandthecomplainanthadconsensualsexandthecomplainantregretteditafterward.Sure,Scottactedlikeacadaftertheirtrystbyboastingaboutittohisfriends.Hewasonlyeighteenatthetime.Boyscanbeimmature.Tocoverupforherembarrassment,thecomplainantclaimedthatwhathappenedwasagainstherwill.Itwasn’t,”Quinnsaid.“Shewasawillingparticipant.That’swhythereisnoevidencetoproveherstory.Scottisinnocentofallcharges.”
RachelcouldtellthatQuinnhadgottenthroughtosomeofthejurors.Ithelped,too,thatScottBlairhadsatcontritelythroughouthislawyer’saddresswiththeslumpedshouldersandshockedexpressionofthewronglyaccused.HispuzzledblueeyesmatchedthebabyblueofhisV-necksweater.AcoupleofthejurorsnoddedtothemselvesasQuinnreturnedtothedefensetable,pausingtosqueezeScott’sshoulderreassuringlyashisfinalwordsreverberatedthroughthecourtroom.
Quinnhadsowedakernelofdoubtintheheartsofthejurors.Rachelexpectedthathe’dcultivatethatkernelthroughthetrialuntil,bythetimethejurywentintodeliberations,thatkernelwouldhavegrownbigenoughforatleastsomeofthejurorstofightforScottinthejuryroom.Allittookwasonejurortogetahungjury,thoughtRachel.Justone.
Whenthejuryfiledoutforthelunchrecess,someofthejurorsseemedweigheddownbytheenormityofthetask,discerninganeedleoftruthinahaystackofsubterfugeandlegaldoublespeak.Racheldidn’tenvythemonebit.
24
GuiltyorNotGuilty
Season3,Episode6:JuryDuty
Aboutsixyearsago,Iwascalledforjuryduty.Itwasnotlongaftermymarriagebrokeup.Thedivorcepapershadbeenfiled,butwewerestillunpickingtheGordianknotofourlivestogether.
Itwasn’tsomuchaboutwhogotwhat.Wewerebothflatbroke.ButwhowouldkeepMillie,ourKingCharlesspaniel?Howwewoulddivideuptheweddingpresents?Andwho’dtakeovertheloanonthecar?Andtheapartmentlease?Nottomentionarrangingapaymentscheduleforpayingoffourcreditcarddebt.
Myfamilywasfuriouswithme.Theylovedmyex.Stilldo.MominviteshimforThanksgivingeveryyear.Meshecantakeorleave.ButTed,hegetstositattheheadofthetableandthemenuiscarefullyplannedwithallhisfoodpreferencesinmind.
Anyway,Ihadthisawfuljobworkingthegraveyardshiftinanewsroominthemonthsafterthebreakup.Iwaspermanentlyjet-lagged.Sleepingduringtheday.Workingatnight.Ifyou’veeverdonethatkindofjob,you’llknowthatafterawhileitgrindsyouintodust.
Thentheletterarrived.Summoningmeforjuryduty.Somepeoplewilldoanythingtogetoutofjuryduty.Youwouldn’tbelievethestoriesthey’lltell.IheardthewildestthingsthedayIturnedupatthecourthouseforjuryselection.Oneguysaidhehadabackconditionthatprecludedsittingforlongperiodsoftime.Anothersaidshehadclaustrophobiaandwouldgetpanicattacksifshewaslockedinasmallroom.Thereallysmartonessimplysaidtheywerenotcapableofbeingobjective.
Me,Iwasexcited.IwantedmyTwelveAngryMenmoment.Iwantedtoplayarmchairdetective.Toswayfellowjurorswithmyrighteousindignation.Yup,asyoucangather,IhadnoideawhatIwasgettingmyselfinfor.
IsatwiththeotherpotentialjurorsinacrowdedroomdrinkingcheapcoffeeinStyrofoamcups,hunchedoverourphoneswhilewaitingtogothroughthevoirdire,whichisthefancyLatinnameforselectingajury.
Therewasaunanimousgroanwhenweweretoldthatitwasafinancialcrimestrialandnotamurdercase.“Fraud,”someonesaidwithdistaste.“Igotfraudlasttime,”anotherpotentialjurorcomplained.“Whatdoesittaketogetmurder?”
Whethermurderorfraud,thefactwasthatformostofthejurypool,gettingcalledforjurydutywasamajorpainintheass.Mostofthemwerehardworkingpeople,jugglingkidsandminimum-wagejobs.Fewofthemwerecollegeeducated.Mostwerestrugglingtogetby.Theyneededjurydutyliketheyneededaholeintheirheads.
Eventuallyitwasmyturntobegrilledbythelawyers.Ididn’tlastlong.ThesecondthedefenseattorneyheardIhadtwocollegedegrees,heusedapreemptorychallengetohavemedismissed.Hedidthesameforothercollege-educatedpotentialjurorsuntilhe’dwhittleddownthejurorstothosewithlittlemorethanahighschooleducation.
Ileftcourtthatdaywiththefeelingthatthejurysystemwasbeinggamed.Thatit’sallpsychologicalmanipulationsandobfuscations.Thatit’saboutwinning.Andlosing.Agameofwitsandego.Thatithasnothingtodowithlaw,letaloneorder.Guilt,orinnocence.Justice.Ortruth.
Thatfeelingwasreinforcedwhen,outofcuriosity,Iwatchedthetrialforacoupleofdayswhenitwasinfullswing.IsatinthepublicgalleryandlistenedtoabefuddlingarrayofevidenceandwitnesstestimonythatIcouldbarelyfollow.Thejurorslookedasiftheyweresufferingfromaformofdeathbyathousandcutsastheylistenedtothedry-as-dusttestimonyofaforensicaccountantbreakingdownthedetailsofoneforgedreceiptafterthenext.
Ileftcourtwiththeimpressionthatparticularfinancialfraudcasewassocomplexthatevenmybrother,afinancialaccountant,wouldhavehadtroublekeepingupwiththecomplexitiesofthecase.Letaloneajuryofordinarypeoplewithoutmuchexposuretotheintricaciesofthefinancialworld.
Itdidn’tsurprisemewhenIheardthejuryhadfoundthedefendantguiltyinrecordtime.Anythingtogetoutofthereandgobacktotheirlives.
ThetheatricsfromMitchAlkinsandDaleQuinnunderscoredthatimpressiontodayincourtonthefirstdayofthetrial.Theytriedeverytrickinthebooktogetthejury’ssympathy.Andquiteafewtricksthataren’tinanybooks.Yet.
Theyweregood.Amongthebest.Theymodulatedtheirvoicestotherightpitch.Theirpauseswereperfectlytimed.Theirhandgestureswerechoreographedtoperfection.Thewilywaytheyselectedfactstosuittheirargumentswhileundermininganysuggestiontheymightbewrong.Theyplayedeachjuror.Theyplayedtheiremotions,andtheyplayedtheirperceptionofthecase.Theyviedforthesympathyofeachandeveryjuror.
Tobefair,maybe,I’munderestimatingthejury.MaybethejurorsintheBlairtrialwillignorethetheatricsandfocusonpiecingtogetherthegranulesoftruththatwillcomeoutduringthetrialuntiltheyhaveabigenoughpicturetoreachafairverdict.Ihopethathappens.That’swhatthey’rethereforafterall.
Therearethirteenjurors.Thatincludesonealternatejurorwhohastolistentotheevidenceandtestimonybutwillalmostcertainlynotbeallowedtodeliberate.NotunlessoneoftheotherjurorsdropsoutoriskickedoutforbreakingoneofJudgeShaw’srules.Suchaslisteningtomypodcastorfollowingothermediacoverageofthecase.
Therearesevenmenonthejury.Sixwomen.Allbutthreeofthejurorsareovertheageofforty.Wordisthatsuchacompositionfavorsthedefense.Olderwomenaresaidtobemorejudgmentalofrapevictims.Theoldestjurorsareintheirlatesixties.Theyoungestjurorisinhismid-twenties.Heisexpectedtobepartialtothedefenseaswellbecausehe’saguyandthesameapproximateageasthedefendant.Thatmakesthemkindredspirits,sothetheorygoes.Inreality,whoknows?
Threeofthejurorsvisiblyresentbeinginthejury.Theireyeswanderlonginglytothecourtroomdoors.You’dhavetobeblindnottonoticethattheywishtheywereanywhereelse
That’sapointinfavoroftheprosecution,becauseresearchshowsthatreluctantjurorstendtotakeouttheirwrathonthedefendant.They’remorelikelytoconvict.Oneofthethreeisanaccountant.Theotherisinsales.Thethirdisaplumberwhorunshisownsmallbusiness.HebeggedJudgeShawtorecusehimfromjuryduty.He’sgonesofarastobringhisaccountingledgertocourttoshowthejudgehowdesperatelyheneedstobeworkingfull-time.JudgeShawwasunsympathetic.Itwasn’teasyfindingjurorswhocouldbeimpartial,whodidn’tknowthepartiesinthiscase.NotinatownlikeNeapolis,wheretheoldfamiliesgobackgenerations.
Thejuryforemanisahardwarestoremanager.He’stheonlyjurorwhovolunteeredtobeforeman.Iguesshefiguredthatsinceherunsastore,hecanrunajury,too.There’sanotherjurorwhoIthinkwillbeinfluential.He’saconstructionsupervisor.Burly,withdarkbrownhairandlaughingeyes.Heischarismatic.Theotherjurorsseemtodefertohim.DaleQuinnmadeaspecialefforttoconnectwithhimwhenhegavehisopeningstatement.
Thejurorsarestillgettingtoknoweachother.Stillbreakingtheice.We’rewatchingthemclosely.Watchingtheirgesturesandtheirpersonalticsastheylistentotestimony.
I’vecoveredmyshareoftrials.I’veseenafewjuriesinmytime.Onethingisalwaysthesame.Thejurorsavoidlookingatthedefendantwhenthetrialbegins.Bythetimeclosingargumentsaredelivered,theywillstarehimdownasiftryingtoseeintohissoul.Theirjobissimple.It’stoconvictthedefendantifheisguilty.Oracquitifheisinnocent.Theproblemis:Whathappensiftheygetitwrong?
ThisisRachelKrallforGuiltyorNotGuilty,thepodcastthatputsyouinthejurybox.
Beforeyougo,inmyshorttimeinNeapolisI’velearnedaboutanothergirlwholivedinthistown.HernamewasJennyandshediedaquarterofacenturyago.IfirstlearnedaboutJennyinaletterdeliveredtomeina,shallwesay,unorthodoxway.Iwantthewritertoknow:Youhavemyattention.Youknowwheretofindme.Let’stalk.Imean,reallytalk.I’mgameifyouare.
25
Rachel
HarrisWilsonwasabundleofnervesashewalkedacrossthecourtroomandtookthestand.Hepulledathistieasifitwerechokinghimandexhaledloudlyaftertakinghisoath.
RachelwatchedthecourtroomartistnexttoherdrawHarrisasaganglyyoungmanwithbadacne,sittingawkwardlyinthewitnessstand.Histiewasalmostcomicalaroundhisscrawnyneck.StandingalongsidehiminthecourtroomsketchwasMitchAlkins.Hisdarkhairbrushedacrosshisforehead,hishandsinhispockets.Eveninthatrelaxedpose,helookedlikeacobra.Readytostrike.
“Areyounervous,Harris?”Alkinsasked.
“Alittle.”
“Mustbenerve-wrackingtotestifyatsuchayoungage.Igatheryou’veonlyrecentlyturnedeighteen?”
“Yeah.Threeweeksago.”
“YourHonor,”DaleQuinninterrupted.“ThedefenseacknowledgesthatHarrisWilsonisyoungandnervous.PerhapsthatwillallowMr.Alkinstogettothepoint.”
“Let’smoveitalonghere,Counselor,”JudgeShawdirected.
RachelbentdowntocheckherphoneasAlkinsguidedHarristhroughtheeventsofthenightofLexi’sparty.
RachelhadbeenwaitingallmorningforHannahtorespondtothecalloutonthepodcastbysendinganotherletteroremailtothepodcastemailaddress.SofartherewasnothingfromHannah,andnomessagesfromPeteotherthantosaythathe’dcomeupempty-handedaftercallingeveryhotelinNeapolis.AndImeaneverysinglehotel,motel,andbed-and-breakfastplacewithintwentymilesoftown,he’dwritten.There’snobodynamedHannahstayingatanyofthem.
RachelreturnedherattentiontoHarris,whowassittingontheedgeofhisseatandtalkingtoofastasheansweredAlkins’squestionsaboutthenightofLexi’sparty.
“ScotttoldmetogoafterKellyandmeethimattheplaygroundnearmyhouse,”saidHarris.“Hesaidthatwhenhegotthere,Ishouldleavebecausehewasgoingtotakehersomewhereandhavesexwithher.Hetoldmehewasinthiscompetitionwithhisroommateandhewastrailingbehindbyafewgirls.Hesaidheneededaneasylayandthatheneededmyhelptoreelherin.”
“Whatdidyousayinresponse?”Alkinsasked.
“IaskedScott,‘Whatifshedoesn’twanttohavesexwithyou?’”Harrisrecalled.“Scottsaid,‘Trustme;sheknowswhoIam.She’llbeflatteredthatI’minterestedinher.Anyway,Iwasn’tplanningonaskingher.She’lldowhatIwant.Theyalwaysdo.’”
Agasprippledthroughthecourtroom.AlkinspausedasheadsturnedtowardScottBlair.Hesatimpassively,butRachelcouldtellthathewasexertingeveryounceofself-controltoavoidreacting.Hisparents,behindhim,wereequallystill,likegazellesfreezingtoavoidcatchingtheattentionofapredator.Gradually,despiteScott’sbestefforts,apinktingeranuphisneck.
Alkinsnoddedslightlyasiftotellthejurythathewasn’tsurprisedattheredflushofguilt.Hemovedon,askingHarristodescribewhathappenedoncehe’dbroughtKellytotheplaygroundandwaitedforScott’snextmove.
“ScotttextedmetosayhewasinhiscarnexttotheplaygroundandthatIshouldleavesohecouldbealonewithKelly.Heusedanemojithatmeanssex.Ihesitated.Kellyseemednice.IwasworriedaboutScott.He’ddrunkalotthatnight.Usuallyhedidn’tdrinkbecauseofhisswimming.Thatnighthewasplastered.Scottcangetprettyunpredictablewhenhe’sdrunk.”
“Butyouleftheranyway?”
“Istayedforalittle,thinkingthatmaybeScottwouldchangehismindifhesawthatIwasn’tleaving.Thenhesentmeanothertexttellingmeto‘beatit’withanemojiofafingeracrossathroat.Itscaredme…and—Ileft,”saidHarris.
AlkinsaskedHarristoreadthetextmessagesthatScotthadsentthatnight.AfterHarrisreadthemessagesoutloudinatremblingvoice,AlkinsmovedintoaseriesofquestionstoshowthejurythatScotthadplannedtorapeKellyMoorethatnight.Thatitwasn’tdoneintheheatofpassion,oroutofdrunkenness.Itwaspremeditated.
“DidyouseeScottonyourwayhome?”Alkinsasked.
“IpassedScott’scar.Whenhesawme,heputhishandoutthewindowtofistbumpme.Ifistbumpedhimback.OnceIcrossedtheroadtomyhouse,Iturnedandsawhimgetoutofhiscar.Ishouldhavegonebackandstoppedhim,”saidHarris.“I’msorryIdidn’tdoanything.AlthoughI’mnotsureitwouldhavehelped.Scottalwaysgetswhathewants.ThatnighthewantedKelly.”
WhenAlkinswasdonewithhiswitness,Harrisscrambledtohisfeet,hisreliefvisible.Heseemedabouttoboltfromthewitnessstandwhenthejudgeleanedforwardtohismicrophone.
“It’sjustawildguesshere,Mr.Wilson,butI’mthinkingthere’sachanceMr.Quinnmighthaveafewquestionsforyou.”
“WhatdidyouandKellydoforsolong?Wereyoustargazing?”Quinnasked,histonefriendly,hisrighthandcasuallytuckedinsidehisfrontpantpocket.Rachelcouldtellthiswasaprecursortoabrutalcross-examination.She’dspokenwithHarrisonthephone.Talkedtohisdad,too.Hewasagoodenoughkidbutnotthesharpestknifeinthedrawer.Rachelalmostfeltbadforhim.Hewouldn’tknowwhathadhithimonceQuinnreallygotintohisstride.
“Wetalked.Anddrank,”saidHarris.“Ihadaflaskandwesharedit.”
“Whatwasintheflask?”
“Itwasbourbon.”
“Wheredidyougetthatbourbonfrom?You’retooyoungtobuyitlegally.”
“Itwasmydad’sbourbon.”
“WhenIwasyourage,ifIaskedmydaddyforbourbonhewouldhavesaid,‘Nochance.’Whatdidyourdadsaywhenyouaskedhimforliquor?”
“Nothing,”Harrismuttered.
“Isitpossiblethatyoudidn’taskyourdad?”Quinnasked.“Didyouperhapstakethebourbonwithoutyourfather’spermission?Didyoustealthebourbon,Mr.Wilson?”
“IguessIdid,”headmitted.
“Mr.Wilson,Inoticethatyou’reflushed.Areyouhot?Shouldweaskfortheairconditionertobeturnedup?Ortissuestowipetheperspirationoffyourforehead?”Quinnasked,withbarelyconcealedsarcasm.
“YourHonor,Mr.Quinnisbadgeringthewitness.”Alkins’svoicethunderedacrossthecourt.
“Iammerelybeingsolicitous,”saidQuinn.
“Moveitalong,”snappedJudgeShaw.
Quinndidjustthat,askingHarrisaboutwhyhe’dchangedhistestimonysincehe’dfirstspokenwithpoliceonthedayKellydisappeared.
“Isn’tittruethatyoutoldthedetectivewhocametoyourhouseinthehoursafterKellydisappearedthatyouthoughtKellyhadwalkedhomefromtheplaygroundthatnight?”
“Yes.”
“Didyoulietothedetectivethatmorning?Orareyoulyinghereincourttoday?”Quinnasked.
Harrisstuttered,lostforwords.QuinnwentthrougheachandeveryoneofHarris’slieswhenhewasfirstquestionedbyDetectiveCooperaboutKelly’sdisappearance.Harris’scredibilitywasinshredsbythetimethatQuinnwasdone.
“Onelastquestion,Mr.Wilson.”Quinnswiveledarounddramatically,asifathoughthadsuddenlyoccurredtohim.“Haveyoureceivedanythingforyourtestimonytoday?”
“Uh,whatdoyoumean?”Harrismumbled.
“Isn’tittruethatyouagreedtotestifytodayinreturnforpleadingguiltytoalessercharge,achargethatcomeswithamorelenientsentence?”
Harrisstuttered,“Y-y-yes,”intohismicrophone.
“Andhowmuchtimewillyoubespendinginjailonthatlessercharge?”
“Uhm,”saidHarris.“Idon’tthinkI’llbegoingtojail.”
“Toclarify,inreturnforyourtestimonytoday,you’vebeengivenaget-out-of-jail-freecard.Isthatcorrect?”
Alkinsstormedtohisfeet.
“Objection.”
“Sustained,”saidJudgeShaw,allowingHarristofinallystepdown.
AsHarrisstumbledoffthestand,red-facedandtremblingwithacombinationoffearandsheerrelief,Rachelcouldtellthejurorsweredividedoverhistestimony.Severaljurorssatwiththeirarmscrossed.Theywouldn’tlookhisway.ItwasobvioustoRachelthattheysimplydidn’tbelieveHarris.Afewothers,mostlytheolderwomeninthejury,watchedhimwithsomesympathyasheleftthestand.Itwasclearthathislifewasinshamblesfromtheconsequencesofthatnight.
RachelhadspokenbrieflytoHarris’sdad,Bill,beforecourtthatmorning.He’dsaidthatthey’dlosttheirhousebecausehecouldn’tcoverthemortgagepaymentsandpaythelawyersrepresentinghissonwhenhewasfiredfromhisjob.Hisboss,acousinofDanMoore,hadretrenchedBillafterHarriswascharged,claimingitwaspartofarestructuring.ThefamilywasnowlivingwithBill’sparentsanhour’sdrivefromNeapoliswhileBilllookedforanewjob.
Whencourtadjournedforlunch,RachelwatchedthroughthehallwindowasHarris’sdadwalkedacrossthesoutherncourthouselawntohiscar,hishandonhisson’sleftshouldertocomforthim.Thelawnborenosignithadbeenthesceneoflivenewsbroadcastsacrossthecountryotherthanafewmuddyindentsinthegrassintheshapeofbroadcast-vanwheels.
AfterHarrisandhisdadwereoutofsight,Rachelstoodforamomentwatchingpeoplescatteracrosstheplazaforthelunchrecess.Therewasalineformingoutsideafoodtruckacrosstheroad.Othersheadedtocafesdownsidestreetsorsatonbenchestoeatpackedlunches.
Rachelspentthelunchrecessworkingonabenchinthehalloutsidethecourtroom.She’dpackedasandwichbutdidn’thaveachancetoeatitasshetypedupthenotesfromthatmorning’stestimony.Whenshewasdone,shepostedthenotesonthewebsiteandclosedherlaptopaspeoplestartedfilingbackintocourtfortheafternoonsession.
Rachelusedtheremainingtimetoslipintotheladies’restroom.Whenshecameoutofthestallandapproachedthesinktowashherhands,shesawasmallenvelopeproppedagainstahandsoapdispenser.Ithadhernameonit.Therestroomdoorswungbackwardandforwardasifsomeonehadjustleft.
26
Hannah
Iheardyourmessageformeattheendofthepodcast,Rachel.Youwanttomeetme.Igetit.Iwanttomeetyou,too.I’vebeenafanforalongtime.Buttrustme,rightnowisnotthebesttime.Oneday,you’llunderstand.Itreallyisinyourownbestinterests.What’sthatexpression?“Plausibledeniability”?
Thatdoesn’tmeanwehaven’tmet,incidentally.Ifyoucancalltwostrangerspassingbyeachotherinacrowdedcourthouseplazaameeting.Amongotherplaceswherewe’vevirtuallyrubbedshoulders.
Infact,youlookedrightatmethismorningwhenIwasincourttoday.Icameinjustbeforetheguardclosedthedoorsforthemorningsession.Theonlyseatavailablewasinthelastrow.Iwasstuckstaringatthebaldingheadofthemanintherowinfrontofme,listeningtoHarrisWilsonrecounthisroleinKellyMoore’srape.Harristriedtosoundunwitting.Ididn’tbuyit.HeknewwhathewasdoingwhenhefollowedKellyfromthepartythatnight.
Still,IthoughtHarris’stestimonywasdamaging.IbetScottBlairneverimaginedhisloyalwingmanwouldturnonhimoncetheprosecutorsofferedhimapleadeal.
Ididn’tstayforlong.Ifoundthetestimonytooupsetting.Nothinghaschanged.Everyoneisstilluptotheirsametricks.IwassodisgustedthatIcameoutandscribbledthisnoteforyouinstead.
YesterdayIwentbacktoseeourhouse.Ofcourse,itnolongerexists.StupidmetohaveimaginedthatitwasstilltherejustasIrememberedit.I’msurethelocalswerehappytoseeitgone.ThelasttraceoftheStillsfamilyerased.
WemovedtoNeapoliswhenJennywaseight.Iwasatoddler.Tooyoungtorememberourmomentousarrivalinabrownstationwagonwherewehadtosleepforweeksuntilthehousewashabitable.Mom’sgrandfatherhadn’tcleanedthehouseinthefourteenyearssincehiswifedied.HernamewasHannah,too.Momnevertalkedabouthergrandfather,butshekeptaphotoofhergrandmotheronherdresser
JennytoldmeoncethatMomranawayasateenagerandonlyreturnedoncehergrandfatherdiedbecauseshe’dinheritedhishouse,alongwiththesurroundingland.Jennysaiditwasherfirstpermanenthome.ItwasallsheeversaidabouttheirlifebeforewemovedtoNeapolis.
IwastoldplentyofstoriesabouthowMomandJennyspentweekscleaningthathouseasItoddledaroundtheovergrowngardeninmydiapers.Oncethey’dthrownoutthejunkthatMom’sgrandfatherhadhoarded,sheandJennyscrapedthedirtoffthefloorswithtrowelsandgreaseremover.
Whenthehousewasclean,theypaintedthewallsandwindowframesinafreshshadeofwhite.Theysandeddownandwood-washedthetimberkitchencupboardsandreworkedthegrime-filledtilinginthebathroomandkitchenusingoddmentsofbrightyellowandbluetilesthatMomboughtatahardwarestoreclosing-downsale.
Ourfurniturewassecondhand.Momwouldbuyfurnitureatgaragesalesorfleamarkets.Sheusedtosaythatallittookwasafewcoatsofpaintandawholelotofimagination.
Shehidourthreadbaresofasunderpainters’throwsheetsthatshe’ddyedcrimsoninametalwashingbasin.Shedecoratedthewindowsillswithpaintedglassjamjarsthatshefilledwithwildyellowdaisieswe’dpickfromthefieldsaroundthehouse.
Whenshegotsick,Ialwaysmadesuretoputavaseofyellowdaisiesinherroomsothattherewassomethingforhertolookatonthedayswhenshecouldn’tgetoutofbed.Shewasinbedanawfullotthatsummer.
AsforJenny,shebecameskinnierthaneveraftershewastakenbythoseboys.Shewasalwaysthin,sothatwassayingsomething.Herfacebecamepaleandherglossyhairturnedbrittleandlifeless.Hernailswereadisaster.Shebitthemdownalmosttotheflesh.
MomwassoillthatshehadnoideathatJennywashurting.MaybeIshouldhavetoldher.Godhelpme,Icouldn’tbringmyselftodoit.
IkeptthehousegoingasbestIcould.Moppingthefloorandhangingoutlaundrywhilestandingonmytiptoestoreachtheclothesline.Itwasfortunatethatnobodyhadanappetite.Therewasnoneedtocook.Ilivedoffjelly-and-peanut-buttersandwichesandglassesofmilk.Ispentthedaysdrawingpicturesontheporchandridingmybicycle.
Oneafternoon,IheardtappingonthescreendoorwhileIwasslumpedonthesofa,watchingtelevision.Visitorsrarelystoppedby.Throughthewindow,Isawawoman.Shewassnoopingaroundwhileshewaitedformetoanswerthedoor.
“Isyourmomhome?”Theladyworeapatterneddresswithlipsticktooorangeforhercomplexion,herblow-driedhairsaggingfromthehumidity.
“She’snotseeingvisitors,”Isaid.
“She’sexpectingme,”thewomaninsisted.“Wearrangedthismeetingweeksago.TellherthatMrs.Masonhascometoseeher.”
Iwentbackintothehouse,leavingthewomanwaitingoutsideintheclammyheat.Momwaslyinginbedinaloosecaftanthatshe’dmadeherselfonhergrandmother’svintagesewingmachine.
“There’saladyhere,”Itoldher.“She’sgotuglylipstickandshe’swearingachurchdress.Shesaidshe’ssupposedtomeetwithyou.SaidhernameisMason,orsomething.”
Momnodded,likeshealreadyknew.Sheclimbedoutofbedandshuffledtothelivingroom.OnlywhenshewasproperlysettledinthearmchairdidIletthatwomaninsidethehouse.
Thewomanmadeanawfuldincomingupthestairsinherheels.Shelookeddisappointedtoseetheairconditionerwasnotturnedonandkeptwavingherhandinfrontofherfacelikeitwasafan.
Momdidn’tstanduporreachouttoshakethewoman’shand.Itwasn’tbecauseshewasbeingrude.Ittookeverylastdropofherenergyforhertositupstraightinthearmchairandpretendthateverythingwasfine.
“Hannah,it’stimetoplayoutside,”MomorderedwhenIbroughtthemapitcherofwater.
IdeliberatelyleftthedooropenwhileIplayedwithateasetonthebackpatio.Itriedmyhardesttolistentowhattheyweresaying.Itwasdifficult.Theirvoiceswerehushed.
Istayedthereuntilthewomanrosefromthesofa.Ithoughtshewasleaving.Instead,shewalkedthroughthehousewithaclipboardandpen,pausingoccasionallytowritesomethingdown.Momsatinthearmchair,watchingthewomanhelplesslyassheopenedourrefrigeratordoorandexaminedthecontents.
“Notmuchfoodinyourfridge,”thewomansaid.
“That’sbecausewe’regoingshoppinglater,”Isnapped,shockedatherrudeness.Itwasalie.We’drunoutofmoneyforgroceriesandcouldn’tgetmoreuntilMom’swelfarecheckarrivedlaterthatweek.
ThatawfulMrs.Masonwalkedthroughtherestofthehousewithherlipspursed.WhensheopenedMom’sbedroomdoor,Iwasrelieveditwasairedout,withcleansheetsonthebed.Shewalkeddownthehall.Withoutasking,shepushedopenourbedroomdoor.Itwasdarkwiththedrapesdrawn.Sheturnedonthelights.Jenny,who’dbeensleeping,satupinbedconfusedattheintrusion.
“Mysisterhasacold,”Itoldher.“She’sveryinfectious.”
Thewomanquicklyturnedoffthelightsandclosedthedoor.Whenshewasdonepokingaroundourhouselikeabusybody,sheandMomhadaquietchat.Iwasonceagainbanishedtothebackyard.Momaskedmetopicklemonsfromourtree.IthinkshewantedtogivethemtothatMasonwoman.BythetimeIcameback,thatwomanhadalreadygone.Istoodbythewindowandwatchedherlittlecarrattledownthedirtdriveway.“Goodriddance,”Imurmuredundermybreath.
Mom’seyeswereclosedwithreliefasweheardthelastsplutterofMrs.Mason’scarengine.
“Whoisshe?”Iasked.
“Sheworksforthecity.Shewascheckingtomakesurewe’remanaging,”Momsaid.
Andthenasifshesuddenlyremembered,sheasked,“Where’sJenny?”
“She’ssick.”
“Insummer?”
“Shehasacold,”Iansweredevasively.“Shedidn’twantyoutocatchit.”
“Shehasn’tbeenhavingenoughfruit,”saidMom.ShewenttothekitchenandslicedinhalfthelemonsthatI’dpicked.Beadsofsweatformedonherforeheadasshesqueezedthoselemonsbyhandandpouredthejuiceintoaglassjug.Sheaddedicecubes,water,andsugar.Whenitwasreadyshestirreditwithalongmetalspoonandpouredthreeglassesoflemonade.
“GivethistoJenny.Tellhertodrinkeverydrop.It’sfullofvitamins.”
Jennysatupinbedanddrankthewholeglassinasinglego.
“IttasteslikeMom’slemonade.”
“ItisMom’slemonade.She’sfeelingbettertoday.”
“CanIhavemore?”Jennysaidwhenherglasswasempty.
Ibroughthermyownglassoflemonadefromthekitchen.Shedrankthataswell.
Thenextmorning,forthefirsttimeindays,Jennyrosefrombed.Shespentthedaylyingonapicnicblanketinthebackyardaslaundryflappedonthewashinglineagainstapristinesky.Ilaynearher,content,asItriedtoreplicatetheexactshadeofthecloudlessceruleanskywithmydollar-storepaintset.
27
Rachel
ScottBlair’sformerroommate,DwaineRichards,wasasquatnineteen-year-oldwithathickneck,wideshoulders,andabuzzcut.Hewasacollegewrestlerandhelookedthepart.Heworeasquare-cutlightgraysuittwosizestoobigthatRachelsuspectedbelongedtohisfather,whowaswatchingsourlyfromthefrontrowofthepublicgallery.
“Wecamebacktoourapartmentwithsomegirlsafteraparty,”DwaineRichardswassaying,sittingontheedgeofhisseatasiflookingforanescaperouteasAlkinsfiredquestionsathim.“Whentheyleftinthemorning,meandScottjokedabouthowmanytimeswe’deachscoredthatnight.OnethingledtoanotherandScottbetathousanddollarsthathecouldsleepwithmoregirlsthanmeinamonth.Ithoughtitwasajoke,butthenScottputupachartonourfridgetokeeptrack.Hewasmadashellwhenhecamebackfromaweekendswim-teamtrainingcampandsawthatIwasaheadofhim.”
AlkinsmovedontothenightofLexi’sparty:“Thedefendantcalledyoufromaparty.Canyoutellthejurywhathesaid?”
“Scottsaidthathewascrashingahighschoolpartyinhishometownandheexpected‘tobagatleastonegirl,’”saidDwaine.“Hewarnedmethathe’dcatchuptome,andthatheplannedtowin.”
“Didyouhearfromthedefendantagainthatnight?”Alkinsasked.
“Yup,Idid,”hesaid.“Scottwokemeupinthemiddleofthenight.Saidhe’dbangedahighschoolgirljustlikehe’dsaid.Hetoldmeto‘addhertothelist.’”
“WhatdidScottmeanby‘addhertothelist’?”
“HemeantthatIshouldaddhernametothelistofgirlswe’dsleptwiththatmonthonthewhiteboardonourrefrigerator.Wehadtwocolumns.Oneformeandoneforhim.Iwasaheadbythreegirls.OnceIaddedhertoScott’slist,Iwaswinningbytwo.”
AlkinsaskedDwaineifherecalledseeingaphotographofScottBlairwithahalf-nakedgirl,whichScotthadbrieflypostedtohissocialmediaaccountthatnightbeforequicklydeletingit.Dwainesaidhe’dseenthephoto.“Scottmadeasmartasscommentinthecaption.Can’trememberexactlywhathesaid.Andthenheratedthegirlas—IthinkitwasaCorCplus.”
“Canyoutellthecourtaboutthesystemyouandthedefendantusedtorategirlsyou’dsleptwith?”Alkinsasked,delvingintotheirsleazyratingsystem.HequestionedDwaineRichardsalongtheselinesuntilallthejurorshadthesamedisgustedexpressionontheirfaces.
Whentheydid,hetoldthejudgethathehadnomorequestionsandabruptlysatdown.ScottBlairhadsatthroughhisformerroommate’stestimonystone-faced,occasionallywhisperingtohislawyerasiftoimplythatDwaineRichardshadsaidsomethinguntrue.RachelnoticedthatthetipsofScottBlair’searswerebrightredbythetimethatAlkinswasdone.
RacheltookHannah’slatestletterfromherpurseasJudgeShawconferredwithhisclericalstaffaboutanadministrativematter.Tothesoundofsqueakingchairsandhushedvoicestalking,RachelsmoothedoutthepagesofHannah’sletterandrereadit.ShefinishedreadingasDaleQuinnbeganhiscross-examination.
Quinnstartedslowlywithafewsoftballquestions.Withinminutes,DwainewasvisiblysweatingwhenQuinnaskedhimwhetherhe’dwantedtogetrevengeafterScotthadunceremoniouslykickedhimoutoftheapartmentduetohis“unpaidrentanddisgustinglifestyle”afewweeksaftertheincidentwithKellyMoore.
“Isn’tittruethatafteryouwereevicted,youthreatenedmyclient,Scott?Yousaidyouweregoingtotakehimdown.”
“IwasangrywhenhekickedmeouteventhoughIwasonlyafewdayslateontherent.Ididn’tmeananythingbyit,”saidDwaine,lookingdownathisshoesashespoke.
“IhaveherecopiesofyourtextmessagestoScott.Youusedvery,shallwesay,colorfullanguage,andsomequitespecificthreats,”saidQuinn.“Howaboutyoureadoutyourtextsandweletthejurydecidewhetheryoumeantthemornot,”headded,handingDwaineawadofstapledsheets.
RachelleftcourttothesoundofDwaineRichardsreadingouthisangrytexts.Shehadsomethingmoreimportanttodo.RachelhadfoundapossibleleadinHannah’sletter,andshewasanxioustofollowitup.Shedidn’tmindmissingtherestofDwaineRichards’stestimonytodoso.Iftruthbetold,shecouldn’tstomachhearinganotherwordfromhim.
RachelranallthewayuphilltotheCityHallbuildingatthetopoftheboulevard,herarmachingfromtheweightofherlaptopbagdiggingintohershoulder.
Thesocialservicesofficewasonthethirdfloor.Ithadasittingareaofchairsnexttoatablepiledwitholdmagazines.Thereceptiondeskwasunsupervised.Frombehindastretchofplasterwallthatseparatedthereceptionareafromtheofficescamethehumofpeopletalkingonphonesandtypingonkeyboards.
Rachelpressedabuttononthedesktosummonthereceptionist.Ayoungwomandressedinalongpatternedskirtandbutton-downshirtcameoutofthebackoffices,holdingamugofcoffeeandfinishingoffalastbiteoffood.Rachelhadclearlyinterruptedherlunch.
“I’dliketospeakwithMrs.Mason.Shewasasocialworkerwhohandledwelfarecasesintheearlynineties,”Rachelexplained.
“Ihaven’theardthatnamebefore,”saidthewoman.“I’llaskmycolleagues.Maybesomeoneknows.I’mstillquitenewhere.”
SheleftRacheltopacearoundthewaitingareaasshedisappearedbackintotheoffices.Rachelcheckedherphone.Petehadsentheratextmessagetoletherknowthathisfriend,awhite-hathacker,hadn’tbeenabletorestoretheoriginalemailsthatHannahhadsentmonthsearlier,whichhadbeendeletedbytheintern.Rachelwasdisappointed.She’dreallyhopedthey’dbeabletoretrievetheoriginalemailsdespitethepassageoftime.Itwasanotherdeadend.
“Iunderstandyou’relookingforBarbMason?”
Rachelwhirledaroundtoseeawomanwithanarrowchinandfinefeatures.Hershortdarkhairwasfleckedwithgray.
“Yes,Iam.”
“Barbretiredyearsago.LastIheard,shelivesinCanadawithherdaughter’sfamily.IstheresomethingIcanhelpwith?IworkedwithBarbforalongtime.”
“Isurehopeso,”sighedRachel.“I’mlookingforagirlwhowasputintocarehereintheearlynineties.HernameisHannahStills.Ibelieveshewasfosteredoutwhenshewasaroundnineorten.Afterhermotherandsisterdied.”
“Therecordswouldbesealed,”saidthewoman,carefulnottodivulgeanyinformation.Aflickerofrecognitioninhereyessuggestedthatsherememberedthecase.
“Iunderstand,”saidRachel,disappointedbutnotentirelysurprisedthewomanwasstrictlystickingtotherules.ShewrotedownherfirstnameandhercellphonenumberonablankpieceofpaperalongwithallthedetailssheknewaboutHannah.“PleaseaskHannah’sfostermom,Kitty,tocontactme.It’surgent,”shesaid,assheheldoutthenote
“I’llpassiton.Ican’tpromiseyou’llhearback.It’sentirelyuptoherifshecalls,”saidthewoman,takingthepaperanddisappearingbackintoheroffice.
RachelarrivedbackincourtduringthetestimonyofanursefromNeapolisGeneralwho’ddoneKellyMoore’srapekit.Rachelscootedintoanemptyseatnearthebackrow.Thenurse’snamewasTraceyRice.Shewastallerthanaverage,slim,withshoulder-lengthlightbrownhair.Shespokeconfidently,clearlyexperiencedattestifyingincourt.Rachel’sphonevibratedshortlyaftershesatdown.Thecallwasfromaphonenumberthatshedidn’trecognize.Sheduckedoutofcourttoanswerit.
“NeapolisSocialServicesgavemeyournumber,”saidthevoiceofanobviouslyolderwoman.“MynameisKittyMcLean.ThewomanfromSocialServicessaidthatyouwanttospeaktomeurgentlyaboutHannah.WhatdoyouwantwithHannah?She’snotintroubleagain,isshe?”
“NotthatIknowof,”saidRachel,keepinghervoicelow.Thehallechoedloudly.Shedidn’twantherconversationbroadcasttoeveryonewithinearshot.“I’mtryingtogetholdofHannah.I’mareporter.IdoapodcastandHannah—”
“Apod-what,dear?”Kittyinterrupted.“Speakup;Ican’thearverywell.”
“It’slikearadioprogramoncrime.”Rachelraisedhervoice.“Hannahwrotetoaskformyhelpinlookingintohersister’smurder.I’mtryingtogetintouchwithher,asIhavesomequestions.”
“Hannah’ssisterwasn’tmurdered,dear.Shediedinanaccident.”
“Whatsortofaccident?”Rachelaskedcarefully.
“Hersisterwentswimmingatnight.Shedrowned.Terribletragedy,ofcourse,butdefinitelynotmurder.Idon’tknowwhyHannahsayssuchthings.”
RachelaskedKittyforHannah’scontactinformation.Kittyleftherwaitingonthephonelinewhileshelookedforheraddressbook.IttookacoupleofminutesuntilKitty’sfrailvoicewasbackonthelineassheslowlyrecitedHannah’sphonenumber.
“Idoubtshe’llansweryou,”saidKitty.“Shehasn’tansweredanyofmymessages.Infact,Ihaven’tbeenabletogetholdofHannahforweeks.”
“Youmustbeworried?”
“Notatall.Hannah’sagrownwoman.It’sherwaytodisappeareverynowandagain.Sometimesforweeks.Sometimesformonths.Thelasttimeshedisappeared,shewenttoIndia.Spentthreemonthsatayogaretreat.Wasn’tallowedtotalktoanyonetheentiretime.Avowoftotalsilence.Shecamebackavegetarian.Thatdidn’tlast.Maybeshewentbackagain.Alwayssaidshewouldifshehadthechance.”
“Idon’tthinkshewentbackthere,”saidRachel.“Ithinkshe’sinNeapolis.”
“Neapolis?”saidKitty,hershockobviousevenoverthephoneline.“WhyonearthwouldHannahgothere?I’veneverheardhersayagoodwordabouttheplace.”
“Ithinkit’stodowithhersister’sdeath.”
“Well,nowthatyoumentionedit,theanniversaryiscomingup.Twenty-fiveyears.Hannahdoesgetintoamoodatthistimeoftheyear,”saidKitty,weighingthepossibility.“Butshealwayssworeshe’dneversetfootinthattownagain.I’msureshe’sinIndiaatoneofthoseplacesshelikes.Anash-something.Whataretheycalled?”
“Anashram?”suggestedRachel.
“That’sright.Oneofthose.Ihaveyourcontactdetails,dear.I’llaskHannahtocallyouwhenshe’sintouch.Bearinmindthatitcouldtakemonths.It’showHannahis.”
Rachelfinishedthecall,buttheguardoutsidethecourtroomwouldn’tletherbackinside.Hetoldherthatshe’dhavetowaitforarecess.Rachelwasdisappointed.She’dbeenhopingtousethenurse’stestimonyonrapekitsforhernextepisode.ShetextedPeteandaskedhimtocontactthehospitaltoarrangeaninterviewwithNurseRice.
RachelsatonabenchinthehalloutsidethecourtroomandrangthephonenumberthatKittyhadgivenher.Itwentstraightthroughtoanautomatedvoicemail.Racheltriedseveraltimeswiththesameresult.Eventuallysheleftavoicemail:“Hannah,thisisRachelKrall.I’dreallyliketotalktoyou.Pleasecallme.”Rachelrecitedherphonenumberbeforedisconnectingthecall.
Aloudbangfromthecourtroommadeherlookup.Thedoorshadswungopenandpeoplewerestreamingoutnoisilyforarestroombreak.Rachelgrabbedherbagandheadedtothecourtroom.Asshewaitedbythedoorsforthecrowdstoclear,someonetappedherontheshoulder.Rachelswungaroundtoseetheguardholdingoutalargebrownenvelope.
“Ma’am,youdroppedthis,”hesaid,handinghertheenvelope.
28
Hannah
Iwaswaitingoutsidethecourtroomtheotherday.ItwasthedaywhenkidsfromLexi’spartytestifiedthatLexitoldScottBlairthatKellywas“easy”aftershekickedKellyoutofherparty.Onthewallabovemyheadwasanairconditioner.Itrattledsomethingawful.Adropsplashedontheoldcourtroombenchrightnexttome,andthenanother.Itmademeremembersomethingelse.
Itwasthehottestsummerforyears.Theheatwassobadthatwehadtouseouroldairconditionereventhoughithadsprungaleak.Itrattlednoisilywhenitworked,drippingwaterintoasteelsouppotwe’dleftonthefloor,untiloneafternoonthemotorsplutteredtoagrindinghalt.
Afterthat,sleepwasimpossibleinourtinybedroom.JennyandItookourmattressestotheporchandsleptoutside.Therewasacoolbreezethatcameinatnight.Mommanagedwitharicketyfaninherroom,whichweturnedintoacrudeairconditionerbyhangingadamptoweloverthewirecage.
Oneafternoon,afewdaysintotheheatwave,JennyandIwerelyinginthelivingroomwatchingaTVshowandsuckingicecubeswhenweheardMomscreamournamesfromthegarden.
Werushedinapanictothebackyard,thinkingthatsomethingterriblehadhappened.Whenwereachedtherearporch,Momwasstandingonthegrassinacottonsundress,translucentfromsunbeamsbehindher.Herarmswereoutstretched.Herfaceliftedtothesky.Raintrickleddownhersunkencheeksandneckallthewaydowntoherbarefeet.
“It’sasun-shower.”Momlaughed.
Wejoinedherintherain,notcaringthatourtanktopsandshortsweresoakedthrough.Therainstoppedassuddenlyasithadstarted.Ratherthangoinsidetochangeclothes,thethreeofussatinthegardenonupturnedplasticcratesandwatchedthegardenpuddlesdryupalongwiththeclothesonourbodies.
“Whyaren’tyoubothatthebeach?”Momasked,asifsuddenlyrealizingthatwe’dbeenhomewithherfordays.
“We’dratherstaywithyou,”saidJenny,examininghermud-coveredtoes.
“There’snothingtodoathome.Besides,I’mfeelingmuchbetter,”Momsaid.“Tomorrow,gobacktothebeach.It’sthebestplacetobeinthisweather.”
Momwashedthemudoffourfeetwiththegardenhosebeforeusheringusbackintothehouse.Thatnight,Jennysaidthatshestillhadacoldandneededtostayinbedthenextday.Iknewthatitwasanexcusetogetoutofgoingtothebeach.
“Whatyouneed,Jenny,honey,issun.Thesunhealseverything,”Momsaid.Itwasonthetipofmytonguetoaskwhyithadn’thealedher.
“I’dratherspendthedayathome,”Jennymumbled.Momlookedatherinsurprise.Jennylovedthesea.Shewasatthebeachthemomenttheweatherwaswarmenoughtogetintothewater,andshe’dkeepgoinglongaftersummerended.Jenny’sreluctancetogotothebeachonaperfectswimmingdaytroubledMomintoaheavysilencethatnightoverdinner.Eventually,Jennyrelented.Shedidn’twanttoworryourmom.
Thenextmorning,Iracedaheadwithmytowelslungovermyshoulders.Jennystraggledbehindme.SheworeanoversizedT-shirtandloosepantsinsteadofherfavoritesundresswiththecrisscrossedback.
Jennydidn’tstopatourusualspotwhenwereachedthebeach.Sheheadedtowardanotherbeachbeyondthejetty.Thatbeachhadstrongcurrentsthatmadeswimmingdangerous.Nobodywentthere,noteventhesurfers.
“Hey,Jenny.”
ItwasaboyfromJenny’shighschool.Hewasathletic,withdarkhairandatannedchest.Aroundhisneckheworealeathernecklace.HeandJennyhadhungouttogetheratthebeachtheprevioussummer,butIhadn’tseenhimthatsummeratall.Jennyhadmentionedsomethingabouthowhehadajobatarecordstoredowntown.Shenevertoldmeoutright,butsomehowIknewthatshelikedhim.
“Whereareyougoing?”heasked.
“Tothatbeach,”sheanswered,flushingslightlyasshepointedfartheralongthecoastatthedesertedbeachbeyondthejetty.“Mysisterwantstocollectshells.”
IopenedmymouthtosaythatIwantedtodonosuchthing,butJennyswungaroundandglaredatmetoshutup.
“Don’twasteyourtime.It’scoveredinseaweedandthere’resandflies,”hetoldus.“Throwyourstuffdownandcomeforaswim.”
JennyjoinedhimforaswimwhileIlaidoutourtowelsnearwhereheandhisfriendshadlefttheirbags.Laterthatafternoon,whileIwaslyingonmystomachreadingabookandJennywasrelaxingonhertowelnexttothedark-hairedboy,Isawthoseboysagain.Theoneswho’dgivenmearidehomeintheirpickuptruckandtakenJennyawayuntillateinthenight.Theyweresittingonthedunestalkingandsmoking.IsawBobbythere,too,withhisuncuthairandgrayeyes.Acigarettehungoutofhismouth.Hesatalittleawayfromthemaingroupandseemedembarrassedtoseeme.I’dlastseenhimwhenhejumpedoutofthetruckatthebridgeafterarguingwiththedriverthedaytheygaveusaride.
Oneoftheboyscaughtmestaring.Irememberedthathe’dsatinthefrontpassengerseatrightnexttothedoor.Hewavedatmeinaweirdwaythatmademeuncomfortable.Ilookedaway.JennyglanceduptoseewhatI’dbeenlookingat.Whenshesawthoseboysshewentwhiteandimmediatelyavertedhergaze.Shetrembled.Icouldalmostseethewaveofcolddreadwashthroughher.
Outofthecornerofmyeye,Isawtheboywho’ddriventhetruckthatdaywanderovertoagroupofteenageboysfromJenny’syearatschoolwhoweredryingoffontheirbeachtowelsnearthedunes.Hetoldthemsomethingwithanamusedexpression.Ididn’tknowwhathesaid,butIsawthemlaughoutloudwhenhewasdonetalkingandthenswivelaroundtostareatus.Jennypretendednottobebothered.Icouldsmellherfear.Herbodyshrankintoitself.
“Let’sgohome,Hannah,”Jennysaidhoarsely.Sheshovedmybucketsandhatsandtherestofourlunchintothebagwithouttryingtoshakeoffthesand.
“It’stoohottowalkhomenow.There’snotastripofshade.”
Hereyesdartedaround,tryingtofindawaytoflee.Theyfilledwithresignationwhenshesawtherewasnoescape.OneoftheboysfromJenny’syearatschoolstoodupandwentovertositwithanothergroupofteenagerssittingnearthemonthebeach.Hewhisperedsomethingtoacoupleoftheboys.Thesamethinghappened:Laughterfollowed.Headsturned.Eyespiercedintoourbacks.Jennyfroze.
Thepatternrepeateditselfuntilthewhispersracedacrossthebeach.Itwasthesameeachtime.Thelaughterwastheworst.Itcutlikeaknife.
Jennyturnedpaleaspeople’sheadswhirledaroundtowardher.Herhandstrembled.Shegrippedhertoweluntilherknuckleswerewhite.Thegossipwascomingcloserandcloser,likeanapproachingtidalwave.Jennylookeddesperate.Shesaidsomethingtotheboywiththedarkhair.Henodded.Theybothwentdowntothejettyanddivedtogetherintothewaterasthehumofgossipreachedmyspotonthebeach.
“Shedidwhat?”
“Ididn’tknowthatshewasthetype.”
“Ofcoursesheis.She’saStills,isn’tshe!”
Iwasnine.Ihadnoideawhattheyweretalkingabout.IknewitwasaboutmysisterandIknewitwasn’tverynice.Beyondthat,Iknewnothing.Jennystayedinthesea,treadingwaterasthedark-hairedboyreturnedtothebeach,wherehepickeduphistowelandleftwithhisfriends.
Iwatchedhimwalkupthesandduneswithhisfriends.Icouldseethemtellhimsomething.Whentheyreachedthetopofthedunes,hestoppedandturnedaroundtolookinJenny’sdirection.Therewassomethingdifferentaboutthewayheappraisedher.
WhenJennyemergedfromthewaterlongafterhe’dgone,shewaspinkfromsunburnandherhandswerewrinkledfrombeinginthewaterfortoolong.Wewalkedhomeinsilence.Justafterthegasstation,Jennytookashortcutthroughthebrush,eventhoughshe’dtoldmenevertogothatwayonaccountofthecopperheads.
29
Rachel
ThewaitingroomoutsidetheERwashalf-fullwithpeopleslumpedonplasticbucketseats,lookingclammyandill.Rachel,who’dbeensittinginthebackrowtypingupnotesfromherdayincourt,movedawayfromthewaitingareatoansweracallfromPete.
“HaveIcaughtyouatabadtime,Rach?”
“Nope.I’mstillatNeapolisGeneral,waitingtointerviewTraceyRiceaboutKelly’srapekit,”Rachelsaid,pressingthephoneclosertoherearasatoddlerstartedscreaming.
Aftergoingthroughafewpodcastissues,sheaskedPeteifhe’dmanagedtogetacopyofJennyStills’sautopsyreport.Rachelwantedtoseeifthecauseofdeathwaslistedasdrowning,asKittyinsistedwasthecase.
“Thestatemedicalexaminer’sofficesaidthere’snorecordofanautopsyontheirdatabase.Thatdoesn’tmeanthatitwasn’tdone.Justthatitwasalongtimeagoandthey’llneedtodoamanualsearchintheirfilestofindrecords.Ifthereareanyrecords,”saidPete.
“Howlongwillthattake?”Rachelgroaned.
“That’stheproblem.Theyhaveastaffingcrunchrightnow.Won’tbeabletolookforthereportforafewdays.Buteveniftheyfindit,theywon’tgiveyouacopywithoutpermissionfromJenny’snextofkin.”
“ThatwouldbeHannah,”saidRachel.“That’sjustterrific.Anotherreasontofindher.”
“Doesitreallymatter,Rach?”Peteasked.“Youdon’thavetimetofollowuprightnow,withtheBlairtrialinfullswing.Bythetimetheverdictcomesin,theME’sofficewillhavefoundtheautopsyreportandyou’llhavehopefullymetHannahandhaveherpermissiontogetacopy.”
Itallsoundedveryreasonable,butRachelwasconsumedbycuriosity.Shedidn’twanttowaitthatlong.WhenRachelreturnedtoherseat,thewaitingroomwasquiet.ThescreamingtoddlerhadgonethroughthedoorsintotheERtohavehissuspectedbrokenfingerx-rayed.Mostoftheotherpeoplewho’dbeenwaitingeitherhadgonehomeorwerebeingtreated.NurseRicestoppedbytoreassureRachelthatshewasalmostreadyfortheinterview.
“Isitalwaysthisbusy?”Rachelasked.
“Sometimes.We’redownadoctorandtwonursesrightnow.Summerflu,”shesighed.“That’swhyI’mdoingthenightshift.Iwon’tbemuchlonger.It’salwaysquietarounddinnertime.”
Withinhalfanhour,asshepredicted,thewaitingroomwasvirtuallyempty.RachelwastakenbyanorderlytoatreatmentroomwhereNurseRicewasfinishingoffherdinnerofhomemadelasagnainaTupperwarecontainer.RachelexplainedthatshewantedtofindoutwhatKellyMoorewouldhavegonethroughwhenshecameintobeexaminedaftertherape.
“Ican’ttalkaboutherspecificcase,”saidNurseRice,“butIcantellyouabouttherapekitprocess.I’moneofthreenurseswho’vebeentrainedtodothematthishospital.”
Shetookoutasamplerapekitandremoveditscontents:evidencebags,swabcollectionkits,andpilesofforms.Allwiththesamebarcode.Everythingcollectedhadtobecarefullyloggedandtracked,incaseitwaspresentedasevidenceincourtjustasKellyMoore’srapekitwasbeingpresentedbyMitchAlkinsaspartoftheprosecution’scase.
“Thebodyofasexual-assaultvictimisacrimescene,”saidNurseRice.“It’smyjobtocomfortthevictimandtreatherinjuries,whileatthesametimemethodicallycollectingevidenceinawaythatpreservesthechainofcustodyandreducescross-contamination.IthinkofitashalfCSIinvestigatorandhalfnurse.Asyoucanimagine,it’sschizophrenic;thetwojobsarepolaropposites.”
ShetoldRachelthatshewasoftenthefirstpersontoquestionthevictimabouttherapeanditwasherjobtodocumentaccuratelyeveryaspectofthesexualassault.Ifshemadeamistakecollectingevidenceortakingdowntestimony,itcoulddamageapotentialprosecution.Adefenseattorneywouldlookforanyholeintheprosecution’scase,includingperceivedinconsistenciesinarapevictim’sstatementstothenurseandtopolice,tomakethevictimlooklikealiar.
“It’snotenoughthatthevictimsayswhereandhowtheperpetratorpenetratedher.Weneedtoknowawholerangeofquitegraphicdetails,whichwedocumentaspreciselyaspossibleintheseforms.Afterthat,wemoveontoaphysicalexamination.”
NurseRiceexplainedhowthevictim’sclotheswereputintoevidencebags,muchliketheclearplasticevidencebagscontainingKellyMoore’sclothesthatAlkinshadpresentedincourtearlierthatday.Afterthat,asterilepapersheetwasputunderthevictimtocapturetraceevidencesuchashairs,fibers,andbodyfluid.
“Whenthat’sallloggedandbagged,weexamineeveryinchofthevictim,fromthetipofherheadtohertoes.Wedocumenteachbruise,scratch,andabrasion.Weremoveanyforeignpubichairs,semen,fibers.Anythingwefind.Andwetakeswabsandsamplesofthevictim’sownpubichairsforcomparisonpurposes.”
“Doyouphotographthevictimaswell?”Rachelasked.
“Ifthevictimagrees,wephotographallscratches,scrapes,bruises.Weuseacameracalledacolposcopetophotographinternalinjuries.Lacerationsonthegenitals.Anythingthatmightbeevidenceofasexualassault.”
Sheexplainedthatoncetheevidencewascollected,medicalissuesweretreated.Thevictimwasofferedthemorning-afterpilliftherewasariskofpregnancy,ormedicationsforHIV,syphilis,andotherSTDsifneeded.Afteransweringafewmorequestions,NurseRicecheckedherwatch.
“Ihavetogetgoing.Ihopeyouhavewhatyouneed,”shesaidtoRachel,packingupthesamplerapekitandputtingitbackonthetopshelfoftheexaminationroomcupboard.
ShewalkedRacheloutthroughtheswingingdoorsofabackentrancetotheER,whichledtotheambulancebayandthenthecarpark.Thereweretwoambulancesparkedintheambulancebay.Aparamedicwaswipingdownastretcheralongsidetheambulances.HegreetedNurseRiceandtheychattedforamoment.
ThesightoftheambulancesremindedRachelofthenewspaperarticleonJennyStills’sdeath.ItsaidthatJennywasbroughttothehospitalandpronounceddeadonarrival.Shewonderediftheoriginalambulancecrewwasstillaround.Maybethey’dbeabletoshedlightonwhathappenedthatnight.
“Doyouknowtheparamedicswell?”RachelaskedNurseRice.“I’dliketospeaktosomeonewhowasonthejobintheearlynineties?It’saboutanothercasethatI’minvestigating.”
“Idon’tthinkanyoftheparamedicsgobackthatfar,”answeredNurseRice.“They’reallyoung.Intheirtwenties,orthirties.Theburnoutrateinthatjobishighsotheygenerallyquitafterafewyearsanddosomethingelse.Whatdoyouwanttoaskthemabout?”
“Ateenagegirlwhodrownedwhenshewassixteen.Backin’92.Shewasbroughtbyambulancetothishospital.AlreadydeadfromwhatIcangather,”saidRachel.“Iwashopingsomeonemightrememberbringingherin.”
“DOAsgotothehospitalmorgue.YoucouldgodownandspeaktoStuart.Prettysurehe’sonnightshiftthisweek.Stuart’sworkedherefordecades.Hemightremember.Whatwasthegirl’sname?”
“JennyStills,”saidRachel.ShecouldtellfromtheshockedexpressionthatimmediatelyappearedonNurseRice’sfacethatsherecognizedthename.“You’veheardofher?”Rachelasked.
“Sure,I’veheardofher.EveryonewhowenttoNeapolisHighknowsthatname,”thenursesaidwithacatchinhervoice.
“Howcome?”Rachelaskedinsurprise.
NurseRicesighedaudiblyasshetriedtofindthewordstoformulatearesponse.“Thename‘JennyStills’waslikeacautionarytaleaboutwhathappenswhenagirlsleepsaround,”shesaid.“Thereusedtobesongsandjokesabouther.Graffitiinthebathrooms.Atschoolhernamebecameslangforbeingaslut.Alwaysfeltawfulforthatgirl,havinghernamedraggedthroughthemudlikethat.”
NurseRice’spagerbeepedandshepausedtocheckit.“Thewaitingroom’sfillingupagain.Ihavetogetback,”shesaid.ShequicklygaveRacheldirectionstothehospitalmorgueandrushedthroughtheswingingdoorsoftheER.
Rachelfollowedthesigntothemorgue,takingtheelevatortothelowerbasement.Themorguewasdownalongwhitecorridorlitbyarowofbrightfluorescentlights.Rachelreachedthecloseddoorandturnedthehandle.Itwaslocked.Nexttoitwasanintercom.Shepressedthebutton.Nobodyanswered.
Rachelwasabouttoturntoleavewhensheheardfootstepscomingdownthestairs.Shewaiteduntilabarrel-chestedmanwiththickarms,aruddycomplexion,andareddishgraybeardemergedfromthestairwell.Ahospitalbadgepinnedtohisbluescrubsidentifiedhimas“Stuart.”
“TraceyRicefromtheERsaidyoumightbeabletohelpmewithaquestionaboutaDOA,”Rachelsaid.
“Comeinside,”Stuartreplied.
Hescannedhishospitalkeycardandpushedopenthedoortothehospitalmorgue.Rachelfollowedhimasheledherintoanofficewithacoupleofupholsteredchairsandatiredframedprintofflowersonthewall.Atthebackwererowsoffilingcabinetsandadeskwithanoversizedcomputerscreen.
“Ifyou’rehereabouttheDOAfromthisafternoonthenhe’salreadybeentransferred,”Stuartsaid.“TheMEdecidedtherewillbenoautopsy.Apparently,hehadalong-standingheartcondition.”
“Actually,”saidRachel,“Iwanttoknowifyourememberacasefromthesummerof’92.Ateenagegirldrowned.Iwastoldthatshewasbroughthereandpronounceddeadonarrival.HernamewasJennyStills.”
Stuartstaredather,unblinking.Whenhesawthatshewasserious,hepulledacrumpledpackofcigarettesoutofhishospitalscrubs.
“Canwegooutside?I’mnotallowedtosmokehere,”hesaid.
Hetookherthroughthemorgueitself.Itwasawhite-tiledroomthatsmelledofantiseptic,withawallofstainless-steelrefrigeratorsforbodies.Therewasanemptymetalstretcherpressedagainstthewall,blockingaccesstoanexternaldoor.Herolleditoutofthewayandopenedthedoor.Theycameoutintoabasementloadingarea.Helitacigaretteasheleanedbackagainstarawconcretewall.
“Thatwasalongtimeago.Why’reyouaskingaboutJennyStillsnow?”heasked.
“Hersisteraskedmetolookintoherdeath.I’maninvestigator,”saidRachel,choosingnottomentionthepodcast.“Hersisterwasveryyoungatthetime,butshebelievesthatheroldersisterwasmurdered.Notdrowned,whichwasapparentlytheofficialcauseofdeath.”
Henoddedandexhaled.“Shediddrown.Lungswerefullofwater,”Stuartsaid.
“But?”Rachelprompted,half-shockedandhalf-excitedthatherememberedthecase.
“Therewerebruises.Alloverherbody,”hesaid.“Notfromhittingrocks,liketheysaidafterward.She’dbeenhitandkicked.Physicallybeaten.Onebruisewasinthepatternofthesoleofashoe.Istillrememberthat.Lookedtomeasifshe’dbeenbadlyhurtbeforeshedrowned.”
“Didyoutellanyone?”Rachelasked.
“DidItellanyone?”herepeated.“OfcourseIdid.Itoldthemedicalexaminer.Usuallyhe’lldiscussacaselikethatwithme.WhenIaskedafterwardwhathadcomeoutoftheautopsyandwhetherthepolicewereinvestigating,hewasevasive.Iaskedafriendontheforcewhoconfirmedtherewasnopoliceinvestigationunderway.So,IdidtheonlythingthatIcoulddo.”
“Whichwas?”
“Wenttoseethegirl’smother.Shewasinbed.Couldbarelysitup.ToldherthatIthoughttherewasmoretoitthanadrowning.Thattherehadbeenbruisesandcutsonherdaughter’sbodythatlookedsuspicious.Toldherthatifshewrotealetterrequestinganinquestthentheauthoritieswouldhavetolookintoitproperly.Itoldhertoaskforthemtoinvestigateitasapotentialhomicide.IwaitedwhileshewrotetheletterandthenImaileditforher.”
“Whydidyouthinkitwasahomicide?”Rachelasked.
“Idon’tknowifitwasahomicide,butitsurewassuspicious.Thosefreshinjuriesonherbodyshouldhavebeenenoughforahomicideinvestigation.Isaidasmuchtothemedicalexamineratthetime.Hewouldn’thearawordofit.”
“Thenewspapersaidtherewasnoinvestigation.Why?”
“Townwasburyingthosetwoboys.Theydiedthesamenight.Droveintoatree.Bythetimeeveryonewasdonegrieving,thegirl’smotherwasdeadandtherewasnobodypushingforaninvestigation.I’ddoneeverythingIcoulddo,”hesaid.“Couldn’tdoanymorewithoutriskingmyjob.Ihadayoungfamily.Neededtheincome.”
“Isthemedicalexaminerstillintown?”Rachelasked.
“Inamannerofspeaking,”saidStuart,droppinghiscigarettetothegroundandstubbingitoutwiththetoeofhisshoe.“He’sintown,allright,butsixfootunder.Droppeddeadofaheartattackagoodfifteenyearsago.Maybemore.We’vebeenthroughthreeMEssincethen.”
Hewalkedbackinside,Rachelfollowingbehind.“Comewithme,”hesaidwiththewhisperedurgencyofsomeoneabouttoshareasecret.
Hewentthroughthemorguetohisoffice,whereheunlockedthebottomcornerfilingcabinet.Fromtheback,heretrievedarepurposedrectangularcookietin.HetookoffthelidandhandedittoRachel.Insidewerefadedphotographsofayounggirllyingonastretcher.Herhairwaswetandhereyeswereclosed.Herskinwasabluishhueofdeath.
RachelwentthroughthephotosofJennyStills’sbody.Therewereclose-upsofuglybruisesonherlegs,shoulders,andstomach.Rachelcouldn’timaginehowsuchbruisescouldhavebeencausedfromhittingrocks.Moresurprising,thephotosofJenny’sheaddidn’tseemtoshowanycutsorabrasions.Surely,ifJennyhaddiedfromhittingrocks,therewouldhavebeeninjuriestoherhead.Itmadenosense.
“Whotookthephotos?”Rachelasked.
“Themedicalexaminertooktheseonthemorguecameraimmediatelyaftershewasbroughtinhereandbeforeshewastransferredtothecountymorgue.Aweeklater,hestoppedbyandaskedmeforthecamerafilm.Hewasinapanic.Ismelledarat,”Stuartsaid.
“Inwhatway?”Rachelasked.
“Can’tsayexactly.Hewasverypolitical.Alwaysbrownnosing.Thewayheaskedmademesuspicious.”
“Sowhatdidyoudo?”
“ToldhimI’dthrownoutthecamerafilmundeveloped,saidtherewasnopointwastingmoneydevelopingfilmofanaccidentaldrowningvictim.Wehadbigbudgetcutsaroundthattime,soitwasn’tunusualtodothatsortofthing.Heneveraskedmeagain.”
“Whydidyoukeepthephotosalltheseyears?”Rachelasked.
“Isupposeitwasincasesomeonelikeyoucamecallingoneday.Neverexpecteditwouldtakethislong,”hesaid,sortingthroughthephotosandgivingRachelahandful.
“Whydoyouthinknobodyfollowedup?”Rachelasked.
“Becauseitwasmoreconvenientforpeopleifthatgirl’sdeathwasputdownasanaccident.”
30
GuiltyorNotGuilty
Season3,Episode7:Victim
I’veneverbeenraped.Untilrecently,ifyou’daskedme,IwouldhavetoldyouthatI’veneverbeenavictimofasexualassault.Inmymind,thatinvolvedbeingdraggedintoanalleyandforciblyrapedbyastranger.
Thingsarechanging.We’restartingtoadmitthatrapeandsexualassaultcanhappeninamultitudeofways.We’restartingtoacknowledgethatitpermeatesourlivesaswomen.Iguessyoucouldsaythatsocietywasindenialfor,well,really,forever.
Ifyouaskedmetoday,andyousaid,“Rachel,haveyoueverbeenavictimofasexualassault?”Iwouldhavetosayyes.
Yes,Ihavebeenavictimofasexualassault.Well,probablyseveralreally.Funnyhowwewereconditionedtoacceptthesesituationsasunpleasantinsteadofoutrageous.
Mostofthe“several”werethetypesofthingsmanywomenencounter.Weconsideredthemtobenuisances,partandparcelofbeingwomeninamisogynistworld.I’mtalkingaboutthingslikegroping.Guyssqueezingagirl’sbuttatacollegefootballgame.Oranightclub.Onetime,whenIwasinhighschool,Iwassittingonacrowdedtrainandamanwithamustacherubbedhiscrotchagainstmyarm.Kindofaccidentallyonpurpose.Ididn’tknowwhetheritwasanaccidentornotuntilIsawhimmoveforwardanddothesamethingtoanothergirlfartherdownthecar.
Anothertime,atapartyincollege,aguypushedpastme.Rubbedagainstmybreasts.Itwasallsoinnocentuntilhisfriendsburstoutlaughing.Hilarious.
I’msurethateveryoneofmyfemalelistenersknowsexactlywhatI’mtalkingabout.Therewerenoscarsfromthoseincidents,exceptthateversinceI’mreallycarefulaboutmypersonalspace.Ihatebeingincrowds.
So,yes.I’vebeengroped.Butthat’snottheworstthingthat’shappenedtome.WhenIwasseventeen,myparentsdivorcedandImovedtoanewcitywithmymom.Itwaskindoftraumatic.Youknow,newtown,newhighschool,newfriends.
Iwaschosenforthetrackteam.Iwasaprettygooddistancerunnerinthosedays.AfewdaysafterImadethetrackteam,theteam’schampionsprinteraskedmeonadate.Hehaditallinspades.Theguylookedlikeamoviestar.Allthegirlsswoonedoverhim.Iwasflatteredandthrilled.
Ofcourse,Iaccepted.Icountedthedaysinmydiaryuntilthedate.Ididthatstupidschoolgirlthingofscribblingoutourintertwinedinitialsinmynotebook.
WewenttoamovieforthisdatethatI’dbeensoexcitedabout.Itwasaforgettablerom-com,thetypeoffilmthat’ssupposedtoleaveyoufloatingonair.Infact,ifI’mgoingtobereallycynicalaboutit,it’sthetypeofmoviethataguychoosestosoftenupagirlbeforetryingtomovefrom,Idon’tknow,firstbasetothirdbase.Inthespaceofanhour.
Afterthemoviewewentoutforicecreamsandthenhedrovemehome.Ihadacurfew.Insteadofturningintomystreet,he“forgot”totaketheturn.
Hedroveintothisparkinglotthatfacedaparkwithaprettyviewoftheskyline.Yourclassicmake-outlocation.WhatcanIsay,thisguytrulylackedimagination.Hekissedme.Itwasabeautifulkiss.Everythingagirlcouldhavewanted.
Butinsteadofstoppingatthatonekiss,hekissedmeagain.Thistimedeeper.Moreaggressive.Heforcedhistongueintomymouth.Puthishandsonmybreasts.I’dneverdoneanyofthatbefore.Iwastryingtopushhishandsoffmesohe’dknowhewasgoingtoofastwhenthewholeweightofhisbodywassuddenlyrightontopofme.Hewascrushingmeandpawingme.
Ihadtofighthimoff.WhileIwriggledaway,Iaccidentallyturnedonthewindshieldwipers.ThewipersdistractedhimenoughthatIwasabletogetoutofthecar.Heapologizedprofuselythroughtheopenwindow.Iwasintears.Helookedterrified.Hepromisedhe’dtakemehome.Irefusedtogetbackinthecar.Thiswentonforawhile.Mecrying.Himpromisinghewouldn’tlayafingeronme.Beggingmetogetbackinthecar.Bythenhewasscaredandworriedaboutmymomfindingoutwhathe’dtriedtopull.
Eventually,Iagreedtositintheback.That’showIarrivedhomefromthebigdatewiththehottestguyinschool—sittinginthebackseatofhiscar.Himinfront,drivingmelikeachauffeur.
Untilrecently,Ineverthoughtofitasasexualassault.Ichalkedituptoaclumsyteenagedategonewrong.NowIknowthat,ifthingswiththatboyhadgonefurtheroutofcontrol,Imighthavebeenarapevictim.ImighthavebeenaK.AndthemorethatIlearnaboutwhatarapevictimgoesthroughwhenheraccuserisprosecuted,themoreIadmirethecourageofthesesurvivors.Because,believeme,theyareputthroughthewringer.
Ihaven’tpersonallymetK.ShewasincourttohearMitchAlkins,theprosecutor,openhiscase.Herparentsandasocialworkersupportedher.Sheseemedfragile.Broken.
Asyoualreadyknow,Ican’ttellyouhernameasIwon’trevealthenameofasexualassaultvictimonthispodcast.WhatIcantellyouisthatsheis—orratherwas—ahappy,well-adjustedsixteen-year-oldgirlbeforelastOctober.Shehadfriends,workedhardatschool,andsure,shepartiedaswell.Whydoesagirlhavetoapologizeforhavingfun?
ThemorethatIlearnwhatbeingavictiminarapecaseentails,themoreIunderstandhowmuchcourageKhasshowninchoosingtotakethistorturousjourney.
Foronething,shehadtoendurearapekit.Iwenttothelocalhospitaltofindoutwhathappenswhenarapekitisdone.It’saprocessthatcantakehours.Thevictimistreatedlikeahumancrimescene.Excepttheevidencethatneedstobecollectedison,orin,thevictim.It’sembarrassing,invasive,andhumiliating.Someexpertssayitperpetuatesthesenseoftrauma,thehelplessnessthatrapevictimsfeel.Somevictimssaythatarapekitexaminationcanbeastraumaticastherapeitself.
Anurseordoctorgoesovereverysquareinchofskin,photographseveryabrasionandbruise.Itinvolveshavingpubichaircombedthroughandtakenforcomparisonpurposes.Itinvolvesbeingphotographedinternallyandexternally.Andthosephotosbecomeevidenceforawholelotofotherstrangerstoporeover.
Thethingis,whilerapekitsareusedtocollecttheevidenceofanallegedsexualassault,suchastheperpetrator’ssemenandpubichairs,theyrarelyprovideincontrovertibleproofofconsent.Inthecaseofstrangerrape,it’snotreallyanissueduringthetrial.It’skindofagiventhatavictimdidn’tconsenttosexwithaviolentstranger
InacaseliketheoneinNeapolis,wheretheallegedvictimknewtheallegedperpetrator—Iguessforwantofabetterwordyoucouldcallitadate-rapecase—itusuallydoesn’tmeetthe“beyondareasonabledoubt”evidentiarythresholdjusttoshowtherewassexualintercourse.Theprosecutionneedstoprovethatthevictimdidnotconsent.That’stoughwhenit’s“his”wordagainst“her”word.
Overthepastfewdaysincourt,twocharismaticcriminallawyershavelinedupinasortofcourtroomduel.Fortheprosecution,MitchellAlkins.Intimidating,filledwithwrath.Forthedefense,DaleQuinn.Boyishlyhandsome.Charming.Bornwithasilvertongue.
ScottBlair,thedefendant,hasbeenthere,too,listeningtotheprosecution’scaseagainsthim.Heistense.Nervous.Whathappensinthatcourtroomoverthecomingdayswilldeterminethecourseofhislife,andhisliberty.
Thejurysolemnlyfilesintocourteachday.ThosetwelveordinaryfolkwilldecidewhetherScottBlairgoesfreeorgoestojail.That’showthecriminaljusticesystemworks.Guiltyornotguilty.Hisword,againstherword.You’lldecideathome.Butit’sthejury’sdecisionthatwillcount.
I’mRachelKrallandthisisGuiltyorNotGuilty,thepodcastthatputsyouinthejurybox.
31
Rachel
MitchAlkinslookeddownrightannoyedwhenthejurystumbledintocourtyawningafterthelunchrecess.Theireyelidsheavy,theyslouchedintheirseatsasifsettlinginforanafternoonnap.Alkinswasbringinghisforensicexperttothestand.Heneededajurythatwasalert,notdozingafteraheavymeal.
“Ihopeyouallhadagoodlunch?”JudgeShawbanteredwiththejury.
“Theygaveusfriedchickenandcornbreadwithslawandallthatgoodstuff,”saidthejuryforeman,smackinghislips.Laughtererupted.
“Goodtohearmystaffispullingoutallthestops,”saidJudgeShaw,hisblueeyesforoncetwinklinginamusement.MitchAlkinswastheonlypersonincourtwhodidnotsmile.
Dr.WendyNorthwasapetitewomaninherearlyfifties.Rachelrecognizedherfromthehotel.Justthatmorningshe’dseenDr.Northeatingbreakfastatawindowtableatthehotelcafe.
Dr.NorthhadanaturalpoiseandmelodicvoicethatRachelthoughtwouldendearhertothejury.Thatis,iftheymanagedtostayawakeforhertestimony.
UnfortunatelyforAlkins,Rachelnoted,thefriedchickendiditsworkashemovedthroughhispreliminaryquestionsaboutDr.North’sexperienceandcredentials.Oneofthejurorsyawned.Anotherfollowed.Soontheyawningwaslikeavirusspreadingthroughthejurybox.Theirchairscreaked.Theysighedrestlessly.Theyyawnedsomemore.
“YourHonor,”saidDaleQuinn,duringapausewhileDr.Northtookasipofwater,“tosavetimeandreducetheburdenonthejury,thedefenseiswillingtoacknowledgethatDr.Northisahighlyqualifiedforensicexpertwitness.Wearefurtherwillingtoacknowledgethatthedefendanthadsexualintercoursewiththecomplainant.We’vealreadysaidasmuch.”
“That’sverythoughtful,Mr.Quinn.”JudgeShaw’ssarcasmstung.“Thatpointcouldhavebeenmadehalfanhourago.IsuspectMr.Alkinsmayhaveadditionalquestionsforhiswitness,sinceshewenttothetroubleoftravelingacrossthecountrytogethere.”
“Asithappens,Ido,YourHonor,”Alkinssaid,turningtothewitness.“Dr.North,wereyouabletoconfirmthatMissMoorehadsexualrelationswiththedefendant,Mr.Blair?”
“Yes,”shesaid.“SementracescollectedduringKellyMoore’srapekitmatchedScottBlair’sDNA,takenfromaswabofhischeek.Itwasaoneinahundredmillionmatch.Wealsofoundpubichairsbelongingtothedefendantandtracesofhissalivaonherbody.Theyallmatchedthedefendant’sDNA.”
“SoweknowthatthedefendanthadsexualintercoursewithKellyMoore,”Alkinsstated.“Inyourexpertopinion,doestheevidenceshowwhetherKellyMooreconsentedtothesexualintercourse?”
Dr.Northleanedintothemicrophonetoanswer.“It’smyopinionafteraclosestudyoftheforensicevidencethatshedidnotconsent,”sheresponded.“Thatshewassexuallyassaulted.Raped.”
SherosefromherseatandapproachedaneaselbroughtoutbyAlkins’sstaff.Thejuryperkedupwhentheysawthevisualexhibit.Anythingtobreakthemonotony.Ontheeaselwasachartwithablackoutlineofafemalebody.Dr.Northhadplacedredcirclesinvariousareaswithintheoutlineofthebody.
“Wefoundbruising,here,here,andhere,”saidDr.North,pointingateachcircleonthediagramtoindicatethevariouslocations.“Wealsofoundvaginalbruisingintheexternalgenitaliaandintra-vaginallacerations.Theyallindicatenonconsensualintercourse.”
“Justtoclarifyagain,you’resayingthatallthesebruisesandabrasionsdocumentedduringKellyMoore’srapekitshowthatScottBlairrapedKellyMoore?”Alkinsasked.
“MissMoore’sinjuriesarethetypesofinjuriescommonlysustainedbyrapevictims.Letmeshowyouanotherexample.”Dr.Northremovedthediagramtorevealanotherboardunderneaththatshowedablown-upphotographofanuglybruiseonKellyMoore’sthigh.
“Thisbruisewasmostlikelytheresultofthedefendantpushingthevictim’slegsapartwithalevelofforcethatwouldhavehurther.Itsuggestsshewasresistinghim.Inmyopinion,thisaloneindicatesshedidnotconsentandwasnotawillingparticipant.”
Dr.NorthhandedphotostothejurorsandthejudgethatshowedbruisingtoKellyMoore’sgenitalsandinternalinjuries.Thephotosweretakenusingabluestainthathighlightedbruisesonacellularlevel,invisibletothenakedeye.Thejurorsflinchedastheysawthephotosforthefirsttime.
“Thebruisesontheposteriorfourchetteandlabiaminorarecommoninjuriesfromrape,”Dr.Westsaid.“Thoseinjuries,alongwiththebruisingontheshouldersandthighs,furtherindicatethatMissMooretriedtoresistthesexualintercourse.Byvirtueofthefactthatshewasresisting,shecouldnotthereforehaveconsented,”sheadded.
DaleQuinnroseforhiscross-examinationwhenAlkinswasdone.Hisexpertwitness,ProfessorCarlBraun,wassittingbehindhim,takingnotesasDr.Northtestified.Inthemeantime,QuinnmanagedtoelicitDr.North’sadmissionthatshecouldnotbeabsolutelycertainthatKellyMooredidnotconsent.
“It’sanopinion,”sheconcededeventually.“Basedonyearsofworkinthisfield.”
RacheltriedtocatchuptoDr.Northaftercourtrecessedfortheday,butshegotstuckinthebackofthecrowdleavingthecourtroom.Bythetimeshecamedownthestairsontotheplaza,Dr.Northhadgone.
Thatevening,Rachelsetupherlaptopinthelobbycafeatatablenearthebirdcage.Shefoundherhotelroomclaustrophobicand,iftruthbetold,shewashopingtocatchDr.Northbeforeshelefttown.Whileshewaited,Racheltypedatranscriptofthatday’scourttestimonyforthewebsiteandateahamburgerandfriesfromthehotelcafe.
“Ithoughtyousaidthisbirdsings?”Rachel’sconcentrationwasbrokenbytheloudvoiceofaman.Shelookeduptoseeamanwithwhitehairandagreenpoloshirtwhowasonthewaytodinnerwithhiswifewho’ddressedupfortheoccasion.Hehadstoppedatthebirdcageandwastappingitwithhispalm.“Haven’theardapeepoutofthisbirdsincewe’vebeenhere.Notapeep,”hesaid.“Ithinkit’sstuffed.Whattheheckkindofasongbirddoesn’tsing?”
“Idon’tthinkthepoorbirdwantstosing,hon,”saidhiswife.
“Rubbish.Nightingalesaresupposedtosing,”themansaid,clickinghisfingerstogetthebird’sattention.
“Maybesomenightingalesdon’twanttosingondemand,Keith,”thewifemuttered,almosttoherself.
RachelspottedDr.Northsittingatatablenearthewindow,sippingaglassofwhitewine.RachelwalkedovertoDr.North’stable,wheresheintroducedherself.
“IwaswonderingifIcouldaskyousomething,”shesaid.
“Aslongasit’sgotnothingtodowiththetrial,”saidDr.North.“There’sstillachanceIcouldberecalledtothestand.”
“Ipromise,”saidRachel.SheopenedherleathersatchelandremovedthephotographsthatStuarthadgivenher.
“Theseweretakenofayounggirlwhodrownedseveraldecadesago.Iwaswonderingwhetheryoucantakealook.I’minterestedinhearingyourviewsaboutwhetherherinjuriesappeartobeconsistentwithdrowning.”
Dr.Northpickedupthephotographsandwentthroughthemonebyone.Squintingatsome.Pausingatothers.Settingsomeaside.Whenshewasdone,shelaidoutthephotographsonthetableinfrontofRachel.
“Thisgirlmaywellhavedrowned,”shesaid.“Butsomethingterriblehappenedtoherinthehoursbeforeherdeath.”
“Howdoyouknow?”askedRachel.
“Thebruisesvisibleinthephotographswouldhavehappenedwithinafewhoursbeforeherdeath.Notrightbeforeherdeath,andcertainlynotatthetimeofdeath.ThebruisesonherupperlegsaresimilartotheonesImentionedtodayincourtwhichwesawonKellyMoore’sthighs.Thisbruiseisthesizeofalargehand.Mostlikelymale.It’sgoingaroundthedeceased’sshoulder,whichindicatesthatshemighthavebeenphysicallyrestrained.Perhapspinnedtotheground,”shesaid,pointingtoaclose-upphotoofJenny’snakedshoulder.
“Couldyouhazardaguessastowhatmighthavehappenedtothisgirlbeforeshedrowned?”
“Ithinkthatshewasphysicallyassaultedinthehoursbeforeherdeath,”saidDr.North.“Whyareyouaskingme?Surelythatallcameoutintheautopsyandsubsequentpoliceinvestigationintoherdeath.”
“Therewasnopoliceinvestigation,fromwhatIcantell,andI’mnotsurethatanautopsywasperformed,”saidRachel.
Dr.Northlookedshocked.“Thisgirlmetwithextremeviolencebeforeherdeath.Whyonearthwouldthepolicenotinvestigateadeaththissuspicious?I’veneverheardofsuchathinginalltheyearsI’veworkedinforensicmedicine.”
32
Rachel
KellyMoore’smotherconductedherselfwithenormousgraceonthestandassheansweredMitchAlkins’squestionsaboutwhathappenedwhenherdaughterfinallyturnedupaftertakingthebushomefromthebeachthatday.
ShetoldthecourtthatwhenKellyarrivedhome,therewasapolicecarinthedrivewayanddetectivesinthelivingroom,settingupataskforcetosearchforKelly.NobodynoticedwhenKellycamethroughthebackslidingdoorandtookthestairstoherbedroom.ItwasonlywhenhermotherwentupstairstousetherestroomandsawKelly’sbedroomdoorwasshutthatsheknewKellywashome.
Christinetriedtoopenthedoor,butitwaslocked.Kellywouldn’tletherin.Shesatonherbedroomcarpetwithherbacktothedoor,barricadingherselfinsideforhours.Inaquiveringvoice,Kelly’smotherdescribedtothecourthowwhenitstartedgettingdark,Kellyquietlyunlockedherbedroomdoorandallowedhermothertocomein.TheysatonKelly’sbedandshetoldhermotherwhathadhappenedwithScottBlairdownatthebeach.ChristineMooreconvincedKellytogowithhertothehospital.Sheblinkedbacktearsasshedrove,determinedtobestrongforherdaughter.Theyreturnedhomeearlythefollowingmorning.Kellyhadtoleavethehospitalwearingaborrowedsweatsuittakenfromahospitalcharitybin,asherclotheswerekeptasevidence.Herrapekitexaminationhadtakenfivehours.
ThejurywasdeeplyaffectedbyChristineMoore’stestimony.DaleQuinntookjabsincross-examination,buttheyweredelicatejabs,likeareluctantboxerafraidofdrawingblood.
Quinnkeptpressingthesamepointwithhisquestions.HeestablishedthatKelly’smomwasn’tatthebeachthatnightandthatshe,likeeveryoneelse,reliedonherdaughter’swordaboutwhathadhappened.HealsomanagedtogethertoadmitthatKellyhadnotalwaysbeentruthfulinthepast,andthatKellyhadliedinthenotethatshe’dleftinthekitchensayingthatLexi’sparentswouldbehomethenightoftheparty.
Rachelboltedoutofcourtquicklyafterthemorningsessiontomovehercar.Courthadgonelaterthanexpectedandshe’dexceededtheparkinglimitbytwentyminutes.Shehadamomentofpanicwhenshesawawhiteparkingticketflappingonherwindshieldassheturnedthecornerintothestreetwherehercarwasparked.
AsRachelcamecloser,though,sherealizeditwasn’taticket.ItwasanothernotefromHannah.Rachelreaditleaningagainsthercardoor.Whenshewasdone,insteadoffeedingthemeterandreturningtocourt,sheclimbedintothedriver’sseatanddroveaway.
Asshedrove,shecalledPetefortheirdailycatch-up.Hesoundedstrainedwhenheansweredthephone.He’dreturnedhomefromthehospitaladayearlierandwasstilladjustingtothelowerdosesofpainmeds.
“What’swrong,Pete?”Rachelasked.“Yousoundupset.Areyounotfeelingwell?”
“I’mgoingoversocialmediacomments.It’snotexactlypretty,”hesaid.
“Whatdoyoumean?”
“I’veneverseensuchadivisivereaction.Somelistenershavegoneballisticatyou.Theythinkyou’reblamingthevictimandthatyou’retakingittooeasyonScottBlair.OthersareaccusingyouofbeingbiasedinfavorofKelly.They’reaccusingyouofhangingScottouttodry.”
“That’sridiculous,”saidRachel.“Ihavetoshowbothsidesofthestory.Isn’tthatthepoint?Tobeobjective?”
“Objectivityissolastcentury.Didn’tyougetthememo?”saidPete.“Thesedayseverybodyhasanopinion.Whethertheyknowwhatthey’retalkingabout,ornot.Usuallyit’sthelatter.Rightnowtheirinvectiveisdirectedatyou,Rach.”
“Thatsoundsabitextreme.”
“Youdidn’tspendtwohourstrawlingthroughmessagestoday,”Petesaid.“Itwashorriblestuff.Noneofthesocialnicetiesapplyonline.Peoplewillsaythingstheywouldneverinamillionyearssaytosomeone’sface.”
“Readmesomeofthecomments.I’mabiggirl.Icantakeit,”saidRachelassheturnedontothecoastalroad.
“Notachance,”saidPete.“SomeofthemessageshavesomanyexpletivesthatI’dhavetowashoutmymouthifIreadthem.You’rebetteroffnotknowing,Rach.Trustme,youreallyare.”
“SowhatdoIdoaboutit?”Rachelasked.
“Nothing,”saidPete.“You’redoinggreat.You’restirringthepot.Likeyouwanted.You’remakingpeoplethinkandtalkaboutrape.Keepdoingwhatyou’redoing.Thiskindofresponseisexactlywhatwewerelookingfor,”hesaid.“Plus,controversyisgreatforpublicity.”
Rachelwinced.Shehatedtheideathatanyonemightthinkthatshewasdeliberatelycourtingcontroversybychoosingarapetrialforhernewseason.ShefinishedthecallwithPetejustasshepulledupatthesingle-laneOldMillRoadbridge,whereshehadtowaitforatrucktocrossbeforeshecoulddriveover.Afterahair-bendturn,shedroveuphilluntil,throughthegapsinthetreesontheroadside,shesawstone-coloredtownhousesblendingintothelandscapeofaridge.RachelwassuretheStillshousehadbeenonthatridge.ItcloselyfittedHannah’sdescriptionsinherletters.
Rachelwavedattheguardwhowassittinginasecurityboothwitha“SeaBreezeRetirementVillas”signontheside.Thefamiliarityofhergesturegavetheimpressionthatshewasaregularandtheguardautomaticallyopenedtheboomgate.Rachelpulledhercarintoavisitors’parkinglotandwalkedtowardapoolareawhereshecouldhearsplashingandmusic.AsRachelcameinthroughthepoolgate,shesawahandfulofwomendoinglow-impactwateraerobicswhileaninstructorstoodontheedgedemonstratingeachexercise.Otherswimmersswambreaststrokeupanddownthesidelanes.
Fartheralong,twomenslouchedoverachessset.“Can’tbelieveIdidn’tseethatcoming,”saidoneofthemen,slappinghisthighwhentheothertookhisbishop.
“Excuseme.”Rachelapproachedthem.“I’mwonderingifyoucantellmewhatwasherebeforethiscomplex.”
“YoushouldaskEstelle.”Themangesturedtowardawomaninherseventieswithdyed-blondhairwhowaslyingonasunlounger.“Sheknowseverythingthereistoknowaboutthehistoryofthistown.”
“You’reonlysayingthatbecauseshe’syourwife,Hal,”saidhisfriend.
Estelleputdownthenovelshewasreadingatthesoundofhername.“Takeaseat,hon,”shetoldRachel,pattingachairnexttoherwithredfingernailsthatmatchedherone-pieceswimsuit.“Whatisityouwanttoknow?”
“I’mtryingtofindoutabouttheStillsfamily.Ithinktheylivedaroundhereonce.”
“Actually,theylivedrighthere,”Estellesaid.“ThesecondominiumsarebuiltwhereEdwardStills’shouseusedtobe.Hislandranallthewayuptotheriver.Wouldhavebeenworthafortunetoday.Inthosedays,nobodywantedtolivehere.WhenhisgranddaughterHopedied,thelandwassoldcheaptoadevelopertopayforherfuneralanddebts.”
“Whowasthedeveloper?”Rachelasked.
“Hal,”shecalledout.“WhowasthedeveloperofSeaBreezeVillas?”
“ItwasmyoldtennisbuddyTrent’scousin,”hecalledback.“SimonBlair.”
“That’sright,”shesaid.“Hissonwasafamousswimmer.Grandsontoo.Kindofanotoriousfamilyrightnow,ifyouhaven’talreadyheard.TheScottBlairtrial?”ShelookedatRacheltoseeifshe’dheardofit.Rachelnodded.
“Well,intheearlynineties,SimonandhissonGregbuilttheirfirstretirementunits.Madealotofmoney.Enoughtobuildmore.Andthenmore.IwasatschoolwithSimon.Hisfamilywasdirtpoor.Usedtocometoschoolinhand-me-downshoeswithholesinthem.Hisdadwasatwo-bitrenovator.Thesedaysthefamilyownpropertiesupanddownthecoast.”
“WhatcanyoutellmeabouttheStillsfamily?”Rachelasked.
“Ionlyknowbitsandpieces,”saidEstelle.“HopecamebackafterEdStillsdied.Shehadtwochildren,bothoutofwedlock.Inthosedays,peopletalked.Hopemovedintohergrandfather’shouseandlivedtherewithherdaughters.Everyonethoughtthathousewasahealthhazard.Edlivedlikeahermit.ButIheardthatHopefixedtheplaceuprealnice.
“Hal,”shesaid,handingherhusbandsomecoins.“I’mparched.Won’tyougetusdrinksfromthevendingmachine?What’syourname,honey?”
“It’sRachel.”
“Whatalovelyname.Verybiblical,”shesaid.“WherewasI?”
“YouweretellingmeaboutHopeStills.”
“Suchashamewhenshecamedownwithcancer.Oneofthoseleukemias.Sheusedtoworkatmylocalsupermarket.Suchabright,vivaciousgirl.Shewasalittle,youknow,outthere.Sheputpinkdyeinherhaironce.Hadbutterflytattoosonherankle.IaskedafterherwhenIhadn’tseenherforawhile.Thecashiertoldmethatshewassick.Theygaveheranofficejob,butshecouldn’tmanagethehours.Afewmonthslater,theysaidshe’ddied.Iheardherdaughterdied,too.Jenny.Shewastheoldestone.”
“Doyouknowanythingaboutherdaughters?”
“Jennyhadareputation.Justlikehermother.Hopewasbarelyseventeenwhenshewasborn.Iheardthatshedidn’tevenknowwhichboywasthefather.”
“WhatdoyouknowaboutJenny’sdeath?”
Estelleshrugged.“WeweredowninFloridaformybrother’sweddingthatsummer.Irememberitwell,though.Itwasthesamesummerthatwelosttwoboysinthatawfulcarcrash.Iplayedbridgewithoneofthedeadboys’mothers.Shewasheartbroken.Heronlychild,”shesaid.“IvaguelyrememberhearingsomethingabouthowtheolderStillsgirlwentswimmingonenightanddrowned.Therewastalkthatshe’dbeenskinny-dippingwithaboy,”shesaidwithameaningfulglance.“Apparentlyshedidthatalot.”Shepausedasherhusbandreturnedwiththesodacans.ShepassedonetoRachelandthenopenedherownandtookasip.
“AnychanceyoumightknowthenameoftheboywhowentswimmingwithJennythatnight?”Rachelasked.
“Idon’tthinkIeverknewhisname,”saidEstelle.“Itwasalongtimeago.Iwasadifferentpersonthen.Younger.Prettier.Andwithabettermemory.Wasn’tI,Hal?”
“Nah,youlookjustasprettynowasyoudidthen,”heresponded.
“He’sabornliar.Usedtoselllifeinsurance,”shetoldRachelconspiratorially.“Honey,you’reaskingmeaboutthingsthathappenedalifetimeago.Anyway,you’retalkingtothewrongpeople.YoushouldbespeakingtoJenny’sschoolfriends.”
“Canyougivemesomenames?”
“Letmesee,”saidEstelle,closinghereyesasshethoughtback.
“Thekidsthosedayswerethickasthieves.TheyspentthesummersdownatMorrison’sPoint.Mydaughtermayhavesomenames.Icanaskhertonightwhenshegetsbackfromwork.Howlongareyouaroundfor?”
“Two,threeweeks,”saidRachel.“I’mherefortheScottBlairtrial.Sotillwheneverthatends.”
“Well,thereyougo,honey,”saidEstelle,clappingherhandstogetherwithexcitement.“Youknowwhoyoushouldbetalkingto?”
“Who?”
“Thatlawyer.What’shisname?Hal”—sheturnedtoherhusband—“who’sthathandsomeyounglawyerwhowasintoday’snewspaper?”
“MitchellAlkins,”hesaid.
“That’sright.MitchellAlkinsknewJennyStills.Theywereatschooltogether.Infact,everyonesaidhewassweetonher.Youshouldaskhim.”
33
Hannah
Earliertoday,Ivisitedouroldhouse.It’sgone,ofcourse.Thelandhasbeenturnedintoaretirementhome.HowMomwouldhavelaughedtoknowthatpeopleareswimmingwhereourlivingroomusedtobe.Shewouldn’tbesohappytoknowthattheypulledoutthelemontreeandasphaltedoverhervegetablegarden.Theonlythingsthathaven’tchangedarethedaisies.Thefieldthatwasbelowouroldhouseisbloomingwiththem.
GoingthereremindedmeofsomethingthatI’dlongforgotten.Iwassittingonthefrontporch,readingabook,whenIheardacarapproach.Itwasapalecar.Green,Ithink,withadentintheback.ThedriverwastheboywithdarkhairandathleticbuildwhomJennyhadswumwithatthebeach.Hewaswearingjeansandabutton-downshirt.Icouldseetheleathernecklacearoundhisneck.
Henervouslyslickedbackhishairasheheadeduptothefrontdoor,swinginghiscarkeysinonehand.Theotherhandheldabunchofwhiteandyellowdaisiesthathemusthavepickedinthefield.Hetossedtheflowersonthegroundasheclimbedtheporchstairs.Iguessedthathefeltself-conscious.
“Hey,”Isaid,tossingmybookasideashereachedthefrontdoor.
“IsJennyaround?”HiseyesflickedawayfrommetolookforJennythroughtherippednettingofthescreendoor.
“She’sinthebackgarden.Comethisway,”Isaid,leadinghimintothehouseandthenoutagainthroughthebackporch.
Jennywasgettinginthelaundryfromthebackyardwhenwecameout.Sheworeshortsandacandy-stripedT-shirt.Hercheeksflushedandhereyessparkledwhenshesawhim.
“Hey,Jenny,”hesaid,puttinghisrighthandinthebackpocketofhisjeans.Hesteppedofftheporchontothegrassandstoodawkwardlynexttoherasshetookclothesoffthelineandtossedthemintoawickerbasket.
“Itriedtocall.Gotamessagesayingthephonewasdisconnected.SoIstoppedby,”hesaid.
“We’rehavingproblemswiththephoneline,”Jennylied.Shedidn’ttellhimourtelephonelinewascutbecausewe’dforgottentopayabillanditwastooexpensivetogetthelinereconnected.
“Whatdidyouwanttocallmeabout?”Jennytossedabedsheetintothelaundrybasket.
“Ithoughtmaybeyou’dwanttogetpizza.”
“When?”
“Now?”
“Sure.”Jennytookdownthelastofthelaundryandcarriedthebasketinsideunderherarm.“I’llbereadyintenminutes.”
Hewentoutsideandleanedbackagainstthehoodofhiscar,tappinghisfingersagainstthemetaluntilJennyemergedinacloudofhoneysuckle.Itwastheperfumewe’dgivenherforhersixteenthbirthday.Shewasdressedinjeansandasleevelessbutton-downapricotshirt.
ShelookedprettierthanI’dseenherinweeks.Glowingwithhappiness.Herlonghairhungloosedownherback.Sheworepinklipstickandtinybluecrystalearrings.Heopenedthecardoorforherbeforegoingaroundtothedriver’sseat.IthoughttomyselfthatMom,whowasasleepinherroom,wouldhavelikedthatboyifshe’dseenthewayhetreatedJenny.
IfellasleepwatchingtelevisionandwokewithadrymouthandawoolyheadwhenIheardacarapproach.Ilaybackonthesofa,pretendingtobeasleep,whenthescreendoorcreakedopenandJennycameinside.Amomentlater,Iheardacardriveaway.
IwatchedJennythroughhalf-closedeyesasIlaystillasalog.Herhairwasmessyandstuckwithpineneedles.TheflushedexcitementthatI’dseenwhenshe’dlefthaddisappeared.Sheseemednumbandsad.Shetossedherhousekeysontothehalltableandcollapsedonanarmchairwheresheburiedherheadinherhands.IthoughtshewastireduntilIsawhershouldersshudderassheswallowedhersobs.
Jennyneversaidawordtomeaboutwhathappenedonthedatetomakehercry.Asfortheboy,heneverstoppedbyagain.
Jennywentintotownthenextdayandcamebackhometotellusthatshe’dbeenhiredtopackshelvesinthesupermarketwhereMomusedtowork.
Afterthat,shewasbarelyhome.Sheleftthehouseearlyforworkandcamebackatduskmostdays.WithJennyaway,Iwasstuckathome.Frustratedandbored.
Momfoundanoldblow-upswimmingpool,whichsheinflatedandfilledwithwater.Ispentdayslyinginthatpool,watchingwispsofcloudsdriftacrosstheotherwiseclearblueafternoonskylikeflotsam.Momlayonasunloungerandthreadedbeadsontonylonstrings.ShehadanideatomakebeadednecklacesandsellthemdownattheSundaymarket.Shesaidthatwouldgiveusanincome.She’dbeabletostringbeadsevenwhenshefeltillandwasconfinedtobed.ShesaidthatJennyandIcoulddotheselling.
SometimesI’dsitonthefrontporchstairsandlookoutlonginglytowardthesea.Oneafternoon,Momsawmeandsaidshewasfeelingwellenoughtodrivemethere.
Wearrivedlateintheafternoonwhenthelightwaslowandtherewasnobodyaroundexceptforsurfersoutbytheheadland.IpaddledaroundinthefoamneartheedgeofthewaterwhileMomfloatedonherbackwithastrawhatonherhead.WhenIgotbored,Ifloppeddownonmytowelanddrewpicturesinthesandwiththeedgeofabrokenshell.
“How’sthatsisterofyours?”
IlookeduptoseethedriverfromthepickupandhisfriendBobby,whoseeyesseemedgrayerthanusual.Thedrivertossedhiscigaretteontothesand,notbotheringtoextinguishit.Bobbykickedsandoveritasifitwashisjobtocleanupthemess.
“Iaskedhow’syoursister,”thedriverrepeated.
“She’sfine,”Ianswered.
“Haven’tseenherforawhile,”hecontinued.
“Shedoesn’tcometothebeach.”
“Whynot?”
“Shehasajob,”Ianswered.
“Where’ssheworking?”Isensedtherewasnothingcasualaboutthequestion.
“Idon’tknow,”Ilied,kickingmyselfformentioningthejob.Mom,whowasinthesea,hadstoppedswimmingtowatchme.
ThedriverstaredatmeandMomandthenwalkedoff.Bobbytossedmeapieceofgumbeforerushingafterhisfriend.Isawthemlaterwithagroupofboysbytheheadland.Theyweresittingonrocks,drinkingfromliquorbottleshiddeninpaperbags.
WestoppedatthegasstationattheOldMillRoadafterweleftthebeachsoMomcouldbuymeicecreamasatreat.Rickwasatthecounter.Thistimehewasniceaspie.Toldmehe’dknownmymothersinceshewasknee-high.ItwasonlywhenwewerewaitingourturnattheoldbridgethatMomaskedmewhatthoseboyswanted.
“Nothing,”Isaid,lickingthelastofmyicecreamoffthestick.
“Theysureseemedtohavesomethingtosaytoyou.”
Ishrugged.
“Iknowthoseboys,”Momsaid.“Iknewsomeoftheirdads,too.They’retrouble.Theonewhogaveyouthegumfollowshisfriendsaroundlikehe’stheirshadow.Ireckonhe’ddoanythingtheytellhimtokeepintheirgoodbooks.He’stheonlyonewhosedaddyisn’ta‘somebody’inthistown.Theonlyonewithsomethingtoprove.Thatmakeshimthemostdangerousofall.”
34
Rachel
Dr.KatrinaLawrencemadeaterriblewitness,thoughtRachel,watchingthejurygrimaceasthethinfalsettoofKelly’stherapistcamethroughthesoundsystemsohigh-pitchedthatthesketchartistsittingnexttoRachelwincedasshedrew.Inhersketchbookwastheroughdrawingofatallwomanwithlongstraighthairandatightlybuttonedburgundyjacket.
Dr.LawrencemadeanaffirmationusedbyatheistsinsteadoftakingheroathontheBible.Itwasamisstep.Itwouldn’thavematteredifitwereatrialinabigcity,butNeapoliswasaconservativeSoutherntownwithasignificantEvangelicalpopulation.Itantagonizedthejuryfromthestart.RachelsuspectedthatMitchAlkinshaddonehisbesttoconveythatfacttoDr.Lawrence,whoseemedremarkablyobtuseforsomeonewhomadeherlivingstudyingthehumanpsyche.
Alkinscouldseehiswitnesswasgratingonthejuryfromthemomentheaskedherabouthercredentials.Butheneededhertestimony.Shewas,afterall,KellyMoore’stherapist.Bythesametoken,hecouldn’taffordtolosethejuryintheprocess.Heskippedwholepagesofquestions,flippingthroughhisnotepadtoelicitherkeytestimonysohecouldgetheroffthestandasquicklyaspossible.
Forherownselfishreasons,RachelhopedDr.Lawrence’stestimonywouldendquickly.ShewantedtocornerAlkinsatthelunchrecessandaskhimwhatherememberedaboutJennyStills.WhenRachelreturnedtoherhotelthepreviousafternoonaftertalkingwithEstelle,sheimmediatelytriedtocontactAlkins.She’dleftseveralmessageswithhispersonalassistantbuthadn’treceivedacallbackfromhimorhisstaff.
Rachelstifledayawn.Alkinsworkedthroughhisquestions,growingincreasinglyfrustratedasthepsychotherapistgavelong,dryresponseswhenshortanswerswouldhavebothsufficedandgonedownmuchbetterwiththejury.
RacheltooknotesasthepsychotherapisttestifiedthatKellyhadbeenawell-adjustedteenagerbeforethatnightwithScottBlair.Afterward,Kellyexhibitedallthesymptomsofpost-traumaticstressdisorder,whichDr.Lawrencesaidwascommonamongvictimsofsexualassault.Theeffectsrangedfromanxietyanddepressiontopanicattacksandnightmares.
“Dr.Lawrence,whatisthenormalreactionofavictimintheaftermathofasexualassault?”Alkinsasked.
“Itdepends,”sheresponded,leaningintothemicrophone.
“Onwhat?”
“Onthevictim,”sheanswered.“There’snotypicalreaction.Somevictimsbecomehysterical,cryandsoon.Othersseemcalmandnormal,asifnothinghappened,andonlylatershowtheeffects.Othersareinshock.They’renumb.Theydon’tcry,buttheycan’tcope.”
“Dr.Lawrence,isitnormal,forinstance,forasexualassaultvictimtogetonabus,buyabusticket,andsitalongsideotherpeoplewithoutshowinganyindicationofhavingbeenassaultedhoursearlier?”
Thiswasacrucialquestion.DaleQuinnwasexpectedtocalltothestandthebusdriverandseveralpassengersfromthebusthatKellytookhomethatday.Already,someofthemhadpubliclysaidthatKellyactednormallythatday,smilingatthedriverwhenshedisembarked,andtheydidn’tbelieveshe’dbeenraped.
“It’scommonfortheemotionalandpsychologicaleffectsafterasexualassaulttobedelayedbyhours,days.Evenweeks,”Dr.Lawrenceresponded.“IbelieveKellywastryingtoholdherselftogetheremotionallyuntilshewasinasafespace.Indeed,onceshearrivedhome,shebrokedown.”
“InyourdealingswithKelly,haveyoufoundhertobetruthfulandcredible?”Alkinsasked.
“Ineveryway,”shesaid.
“Isthereachancethatshemisinterpretedwhathappened?Orexaggerated,maybeevenliedaboutsomedetails,orallofit?”
“I’vespentmorethantenmonthsseeingKellyasapatient.Ihavefoundheraccountofwhathappenedandheremotionalresponsestobeconsistentthroughout.Ihaveabsolutelynoreasontodoubtherwordonwhatshesayshappenedthatnight.Noreasonatall.”
DaleQuinnboundedoutofhisseattocross-examineDr.Lawrence.Hehappilydraggedouthisquestioningforaslongaspossible,knowingthatthelongershewasonthestand,thelessthejurylikedher,andbyextension,thelessthey’dbelieveanythingshesaid.Heeffectivelygaveherenoughropetohangherselfasawitness,thoughtRachel.WhenQuinnwasready,inhissoftest,folksiestvoicehereeledherinforthekill.
“Dr.Lawrence,didyouworkforanorganizationcalledtheWomen’sRapeNetworkaftercollege?”
“Yes,Idid.”
“I’vebeentoldthattheWomen’sRapeNetwork’sphilosophyisthatwomenwhosaytheyarethevictimsofasexualassaultshouldbebelievednomatterwhat.Isthataccurate?”Quinnasked.
“Yes,”shesaid.
“Isn’tittruethatyourtestimonytodayisbasedonthatsameview,thatyourroleistosupportKellyandnotquestionwhethersheistellingthetruth?”
“IhavenoreasontodoubtKelly.”
“Youweren’ttherethatnight,wereyou?”DaleQuinnasked.
“No,Iwasn’t.”
“Andyoudidn’tseeanyofithappen.Didyou?”
“No.”
WhenDr.Lawrenceleftthestand,JudgeShawannouncedthey’dtakealunchbreak.ItwasalreadyrunninglateenoughforRachel’sstomachtorumble.
Rachelhungbackuntilmostofthecourthadclearedout,exceptforthelawyers.MitchAlkinsandayoungfemalelawyeronhisteamweretalkingandpackingfilesintotheirbriefcases.
“Mr.Alkins,”Rachelcalledout.HepausedfrompackinghisbriefcaseandgaveRachelahardstarethattoldhertobackoff.“Mr.Alkins,I’mareporter.MynameisRachelKrall;I’vebeentryingtogetholdofyou.”
“She’stheonefromthepodcastIwastellingyouabout,”theotherattorneywhisperedtoAlkinsinavoiceloudenoughforRacheltohear.
“Ah,thereporterwhobelievesincrowdsourcingjustice.Whynotgetridofthejurysystemaltogetheranddecideoninnocenceandguiltwithanonlinepoll,”hemuttered.
“Mr.Alkins,Ineedtoaskyousomething.Inprivate,”Rachelsaid,ignoringhiscomments.Shehadmoreimportantthingstodiscussthantheethicsofcrimepodcasts.
“We’renotallowedtotalktoreportersuntilafterthecase.Judge’sorders,”hesaid.
“It’snotaboutthetrial,”saidRachel.“It’saboutsomethingelse.Mr.Alkins,didyouonceknowagirlbythenameofJennyStills?”
Alkinsfrozeforthebriefestmoment.ItwassoquickthatRachelwonderedifshe’dimaginedit.Heputanotherfileinhisbriefcase,pulledtheliddowntightly,andsnappedthelatchesshut.Whenhewasdone,hewalkedrightpastherwithoutawordandleftthecourtroom.
35
Rachel
Rachelshieldedhereyeswithherhandasshemovedfromthecourthouseintothebrightsunshineoftheafternoon.Theroarofpassingtrafficwasdeafeningafterhoursspentinthehushedconfinesofthecourtroom.
DanMoorewasheadingdownthestairsinfrontofher.Helookedasifhe’dagedadecadesincethetrialbegan.Beingincourteverydaylisteningtodeeplyupsettingtestimonyabouthisdaughter’ssexualassaultwastakingaheavytollonhim.
“How’sKellydoing?”Rachelaskedwhenshecaughtuptohimintheplaza.
“She’sunderstandablynervousabouttestifying,butsheabsolutelyinsiststhatshewantstodoit,”hesaid.“Hertherapistsaysitwillgiveherclosureandhelphermoveonwithherlife.”
Oncetheypartedways,Rachelheadedovertoaprettystreetofcafesandspecialtystoresafewblocksfromthecourthouse.InRachel’scomputerbagwasthefadedbouquetribbonshe’dfoundatJennyStills’sgrave.Rachelhadshowntheribbontotwofloristsatdowntownstores.Theybothsaidthey’dneverusedthattypeofribbon.Itwasahigh-qualitytwo-tonedribbonmadefromrealfabric.OneofthefloristssuggestedthatRachelcheckatashopcalledAntiqueFlowers,ahigh-endfloriststorethatspecializedinexpensive,classicalarrangements.
ThestorehadbeenclosedeverytimeRacheldrovepast,butthatmorningwhiledrivingtocourtshe’dseenthe“Closed”signhadbeenremovedfromthedoor.She’dbeenrunninglateanddidn’thavetimetogointothestore.Butnow,sincecourtwasdonefortheday,Rachelrushedovertothefloristshopsoshecouldaskabouttheribbonbeforethestoreshutfortheday.
AntiqueFlowerswasacornershopinaheritagebuildingwithlargebaywindows.Thestoreexteriorwaspaintedacrispshadeofwhite.Itsnamewaswrittenindelicatematchingwhitecalligraphyonthewindows.ThebrassbelltinkledasRachelopenedthedoor.Shewasimmediatelyhitbytheunusualcombinationoffurniturepolishmixedwithadelicatescentoffreshflowers.
“CanIbeofassistance?”Adiminutivewomanwalkedinfromabackroomwithanarmfulofpaleroses,whichsheplacedonfloristrypaperlaidoutonanantiquetable.“Areyoulookingforfurniture,orflowers?Orboth?”thewomanasked.Sheworeanaturallinenapronwiththestorelogoandamatchingbadgewithhername,“Renata.”
“I’mjustdoingthetouristthingandwindow-shopping,”answeredRachel.“I’veneverseenastorethatsellsflowersandantiquestogether,andsuchbeautifulonesatthat!”
“Theantiquestoreismydad’sbusiness.Mymomisaflorist.Afewyearsagotheycombinedthebusinesses.ThatwayMomcouldrunthestorewhileDadwentonantique-buyingtrips,”saidthewoman,assheclippedthestemsoftheroses.
Rachelwasabouttointroduceherselfwhenthestorephonerang.Renatasmiledapologeticallyasshetookthecall.Rachelusedthetimetowanderaroundthestore.Theantiquesforsalerangedfromtheelaboratetothesimple.Racheladmiredanoldfarmhousetablewithknifemarksindentedintothetimberandadistressedoakpantrycupboardwithold-fashionedblueceramicjarsonitsshelves.
“Areyouenjoyingyourtimehere?”Renataaskedconversationallywhenshe’dfinishedthecall,andbeganselectingacombinationofcreamandlightpinkrosesfromtheflorist’stable.
“Iam.It’salovelytown,”Rachelresponded.“You’reveryluckytolivehere.”
“Oh,Idon’tlivehereanymore.Ionlycomebacktoseemyparentsorhelprunthestorewhenthey’reonvacation.Totellyouthetruth,IstayforasshortatimeaspossibleandI’mextremelyrelievedwhenIgohome.Butthat’sjustme.Mostpeopleloveithere.”
“Whydon’tyoulikeithere?”Rachelasked.
“WhenIgrewup,itwasaninsulartown.Peoplegotstuckwithlabels.Itwashardforthemto,Iguess,reinventthemselves,”Renatasaidasshearrangedtherosesandwrappeditallinfloristrypaper.Shetookoutaspoolandcutalongpieceofribbon,whichsheexpertlytiedaroundthebouquet.Rachelwasdisappointedtoseethattheribbondidn’tatallmatchtheribbonthatshe’dfoundatJenny’sgrave.Shesighedtoherself.Itwasanotherdeadend.
Rachelwasabouttoleavewhenshedecidedthatshe’dshowRenatatheribbonanywayincasesheknewotherstoreswhereRachelcouldask.Shewasremovingtheribbonfromherpursewhenthebrassdoorbellchimed.AmansteppedinsidetocollectthebouquetthatRenatahadjustfinished.RachelwaitedasRenatapackagedtheorderinapaperbagwiththestore’slogoandswipedtheman’screditcard.
“Hiswifeisoneluckylady.Thatisastunningbouquet,”Rachelsaid,asthedoorshutafterthemanleftcarryinghiswife’sanniversarypresent.
“IwasworriedthatImightbeoutofpractice.Theladywhowassupposedtohaverunthestorewhilemyparentsareontheircruisebrokeherleg.Icouldn’tgethereuntillastnight,sothestorehasbeenclosedforthepastweek,”Renatasaid.“I’mstillcatchinguponorders.”
“I’llleaveyoutoyourworkthen.JustonequickquestionbeforeIgo,”saidRachel,holdingupaplasticbagwiththeribbonfromthecemetery.“Doyouknowwhichfloristusesthisparticularribbon?”
Renatatookonelookandimmediatelyopenedadrawerundertheflower-wrappingtablefromwhichsheremovedanoversizedspoolcontaininganexpensivetwo-tonedribbonthatwasalmostanexactmatchtotheribbonRachelwasholding.
“DadbringsitbackfromEuropewhenhevisitsonantique-buyingtrips.Theribbonisveryexpensive,soMomsavesitonlyforherpremiumbouquets,”Renataexplained,leaningforwardtoexaminetheoneRachelheld.“It’sbadlyfaded.Wheredidyoufindit?”
“Atagraveatthecemetery,”saidRachel.“I’mtryingtofindoutwhomighthaveleftit.Giventhatit’syourribbon,theflowerarrangementmusthavebeenfromhere.Doyoukeeprecordsforallyourorders?”
“Onlyfordeliveryorders,”saidRenata.Sheclickedopentheorderdatabaseonalaptopnexttothecashregister.“Icancheckouroldorders.Doyourememberwhereinthecemeteryyoufoundit?”
“Ifounditbyagrave.ThenameonthetombstonewasJennyStills,”saidRachel.“Shewasateenagegirlwhodiedhereintheearlynineties.”
“JennyStills,”saidRenata,herhandfrozenabovethekeyboard.Hervoicewasfilledwithamixtureofrecognitionandsadness.“Ihaven’theardhernamespokenforyears.”
“YouknewJenny?”Rachelfeltathrillofexcitement.“Wereyoufriends?”
“Iknewherfromschool.Weweren’treallyfriends.”
“DoyouknowhowJennydied?”Rachelasked.
“IwasinEuropewithmyparentsthatsummer.Itwasasortofsixteenth-birthdaypresent.Dadboughtantiquesandwevacationed.Weweregoneforalmostthreemonths.Missedthefirstfewweeksofschool.BythetimeIcameback,Jennywaslongdead.Ihearditwasinanaccident.Acoupleofboysdiedinacarcrashthatsummer,soIassumedthat’showJennydied,too.”
“Youdidn’task?”
“Therewasnobodytoask.Hermotherwasdead.Hersistergone.Thetownhadacollectivetrauma.Nobodywantedtotalkaboutwhathappenedthatsummer.Afewmonthslater,therewasaceremonytoinstallamemorialforthecarcrashvictims.IwassurprisedthatIdidn’tseeJenny’snameonthememorial.Iaskedmyteacher.HesaidthatJennywasn’tkilledinthecaraccident.Thatshedrowned.Iwasshocked.”
“Whywereyoushocked?”
“EveryoneknewthatJennywasastrongswimmer.Icouldn’tbelievethatsheofallpeoplewouldhavedrowned.Itwasaroundthattimethatthegraffitibegantoappear,too.”
“Whatgraffiti?”
“RudesexualizeddrawingswithdumbjokesaboutJenny.Ididn’tunderstandwhypeoplewouldbesomeanaboutadeadgirl.”Renataflushedsuddenly,asifembarrassedbythememory.
“Hertombstonehadbeengraffitiedwiththeword‘WHORE.’Doyouknowwhysomeonewoulddothat?”Rachelasked.
“Can’tbelieveitstillgoesonafteralltheseyears,”sighedRenata.“AfterJennydied,hernamebecamesynonymouswithbeinga‘slut.’Interchangeable,really.Boyswouldrategirlsonwhattheycalledthe‘JennyStillsindex.’Agirlwhoputoutwouldgetanineortenonthe‘J.S.index.’That’swhattheycalledit.Therewasotherstuff,too,thattheyusedtosaywhichIcan’tevendescribebecauseitwassocrude.I’msureyougetthepicture.Ifeelbad.Iturnedablindeyelikeeveryoneelse.Ilearnedthatitwasbettertoshutup.”
“Whywasitbettertoshutup?”
“Therewasagirlatschoolwho’dbeenJenny’sfriend.Theboysteasedherterribly,andmadecommentssuggestingshewaseasy.Ineverstoodupforthatgirl.Ifeelbadaboutitnow.Inthosedays,Iwasafraidthey’dallturnonme.ThatI’dbecomethenextJennyStills.Thatgirllefttownforcollegeandneverreturned.”Shepaused.“NowthatIthinkaboutit,IguessIdidthesame.”
“WasJennybulliedwhenshewasalive?Teasedorharassedbyboys?”
“Jennywasveryprettyandnice,butshewasn’tpopular.Idon’tthinkshecouldshakeofftheStillsname.Jennyandhersisterdidn’tlookatallalike.Everyoneknewthathermotherhadtwokidsfromseparatefathers.Inthosedays,thatsortofthingwasstillscandalous.”
“You’rethefirstpersonI’vespokenwithwhoseemstohavereallyknownJenny,”Rachelsaid.“It’samazingtomethatyourememberhersovividly.”
“I’veneverforgottenher,”saidRenata.“MomgaveJennyandherkidsisteraridehomeonce.They’dbeenwaitingoutathunderstormatthegasstationbytheOldMillRoadjunction.Themaninchargewouldn’tlettheminsidethestoretotakeshelterfromtherain.Saidsomethingabouthowhe’dknowntheStillsfamilyforyearsandtheywereperfectlycapableofwalkinghomeinanyweather,”Renatarecalled,scoopingupanotherbunchofrosesandclippingtheirstems.“Mymomwasfurious.Sheflatlyrefusedtoputgasinhercaratthatservicestationafterthatincident.Evenifshewasrunningonempty.Saidshewouldn’tgiveherbusinesstothathorribleman.”
“WashisnameRickbyanychance?”Rachelasked.
“Yes,itwas.Actually,Momdonatedsomeflowerstoaretirementhomeafewmonthsagoandshesawhimthere.Hewasoneoftheresidents.Shetoldmeaboutitonthephone.Anyway,afterthatincidentwiththethunderstorm,MomtriedtohelptheStillsfamily.She’dsometimesleaveabagofclothesorahamperoffoodontheirporchatnight.ShetoldmenottosayanythingifIsawJennywearingmyhand-me-downs.Saiditwaskindertogivepeoplecharitywithoutthemknowingwhereitcamefrom.”
Sheglancedatherlaptop.“I’vefoundsomething.Mom’sreceivedseveralordersinthepasttodeliverapremiumbouquettoJennyStills’sgrave.TheywereonlineorderpaidforbyPayPal.There’snoinformationonthesender.Butthere’sacard.Let’sseewhatitsays.”RachelwaitedwhileRenatascannedthecomputer.
“Isn’tthatstrange!”saidRenata.“Alltheordersrequesttheexactsamemessageonthecard.”
“What’sthemessage?”Rachelasked.
“‘Forgiveme,’”Renatareadout.“That’sthemessage.Itjustsays:‘Forgiveme.’”
36
Rachel
TheGoldenVistaretirementvillagewasontheedgeoftown,oppositeafieldofovergrowngrasslitteredwithrustingcarchassisandabandonedtires.Thecomplexconsistedofsingle-levelbrickbuildingsinagardensetting.Raggedypinesobscuredviewsofthetowndump.Thegarbagecouldn’tbeseen,butRachelsuresmelleditasshewalkedtothereceptionbuilding.
AwomanatthereceptiondeskgaveRachelavisitor’sbadgeanddirectedhertoarecreationroomdownthehallwheretheresidentswererelaxingaftertheirearlydinner.MostoftheresidentssatonplasticbucketseatsandwheelchairsarrangedaroundachippeduprightpianowhereawomanwithbrightlipsticksashayedhershoulderswhilesinginganoldBeatlestune.
Rachelbeelinedtoamansittinginthecorner,wearingdarkpantsandapalewrinkledshirt.HisskinclungtohisbonessotightlythatRachelcouldseetheoutlineofhisskull.Hegrimacedassheapproached,flashingnicotine-stainedteethalmostasawarning.Likeacathissing,thoughtRachelasshepulledoverachair.
“You’reRick?YouusedtoownthegasstationontheOldMillRoad?”Rachelasked.
“Whatdoyouwant?”Ricksnapped.
“DoyourememberJennyandHannahStills?”
Heshrugged.“Therewerehundredsofkidswhocameintomystore,stealingwhenIwasn’tlookingandtrackinginmud.Andsand.Ineverknewtheirnames.Neverwantedtoknow.”Heclosedhiseyesandpretendedtogotosleep.Rachelcouldtellfromthetautnessofhisbodythathewasawake.
“Igaveyoutheirnames.Ineversaidtheywerekids,”Rachelsaidcarefully.Hiseyesopenedatbeingcaughtout.
“Iknowyouknowthem,”saidRachel.“Whatwillittakeforyoutotellmewhatyouremember?”
“Fishburgerandfries,”hesaid,sittingup.“FromAdmiral’sBurgers.Downtown.Itriedtogetthemtodeliveronce.Theysaidwe’reoutsidetheirdeliveryzone.Thestaffherewon’tgetitforme.Theysayit’shighinsodiumandcholesterol.Toounhealthy.”Helaughedhollowly.“Lookatme.I’madeadmanwalkingandthey’reworriedaboutmysodiumlevels.”
“I’llarrangeyourburgerandfriesifyoutellmewhatyourememberabouttheStillsfamily,”Rachelpromised.
“Iknewthemomfromwhenshewasverysmall.Hergranddadwouldsendhertobuyliquor.Neveranyfood.Onlyliquor.Abottleaday.He’dratherhiskidstarvethanmissoutonhisdrink.Sometimes,littleHopewouldcomeinandherfacewouldbeswollen.Blackeye.Cutlip.WhenEdStillswassober,headoredthatgirl.Whenhewasdrunk,hewasasmeanadrunkasyou’llfindanywhere.”
“WhathappenedtoHope’sdaughters.JennyandHannah?”
“ItoldthepoliceeverythingIknewaboutthosegirls,”hesaid.
“Whichwas?”
“ThatIdidn’tseeathing.Nothing.Idon’tknownothing.Notathing.Andbetweenyouandme,evenifIdid,Iwouldn’tsay.”
“Thereweresometeenageboyswhousedtodrivearoundinapickup.They’dgetgasolinefromyourstore.Sometimesshoplift,too,”saidRachel.“Doyourememberthem?”
“Lotsofkidsdrovepickupsinthosedays.Todaythey’redrivingJeeps.Inthosedaystheyhadtrucks,”hesaiddismissively.
“Thispickupwasaregular.Trytoremember,”Rachelpressed.“It’simportant.IthinktheymighthavebeeninvolvedinJennyStills’sdeath.”
“AllIcantellyouisthatIcalledtheambulancethatnightbecausethatlittlekidwasmessingupmyfloorwithallthatblood.Itookherdowntothebeachinmyoldtruck.Iwasshuttingdownforthenightanyway,soIdroveher.Gottherebeforethecopsandtheambulance.”
“Whatdidyousee?”
“Itwasdark.Therewerenolightsaroundthereatnight.Itwashardtoseeanythingatall.Thelittlesisterjumpedout.IwasgoingtogoafterherwhenIheardsirenscoming.Figuredshedidn’tneedmeanymore.Turnedthecararoundtodrivehome.Almostranoverthatboy.”
“Whatboy?”Rachelasked.
“Idon’tremember,”Rickaddedquickly,realizinghe’dsaidtoomuch.“I’meighty-one.Memoryisn’twhatitwas.”
“Youremembereverything,Rick,”correctedRachel.“Whowasthatboyyoualmostranover?Whatwashisname?”
“Isawhimhere.Two,threesummersago,”hesaid,warmingtothesubjectandRachel’sattention.“Sawhimoneafternooninthegarden.Theytakeusouttogetsunlikewe’refuckingtomatoesthatneedtoberipened.IwentuptohimandtoldhimIrememberwhathedidallthosesummersago.Helookedrattled.Leftsoonafter.Neversawhimagain.”Helaughedwryly.“Notsurprised.Alwaysrunning.Likearat.”
“Whatwashisname,Rick?”
“Rat,”saidRickhoarsely,ashislaughterbecameacough.“That’swhattheyshouldhavecalledhim.Lookedlikearat.Ranlikearat.”
“Rick,”saidRachel.“Whatwashisname?”
“Bettertoforgetsomethings.Therearefolksinthisworldthatamancan’taffordtocross,”heraspedinbetweencoughs.“I’msenilebutnotthatsenile.AlltheseyearsIkeptmymouthshut.WhywouldIopenitnow?”
Theoldman’sspasmofcoughingworsenedsothatRachelcouldbarelymakeouthislastwords.Sherushedtoawatercoolerinthecorneroftheroomandquicklyfilledacupwithwater.Bythetimeshereturned,hewasbentover,splutteringintohishands.Whenhelifteduphishead,hislipswerecoveredwithblood.
“What’swrongwithhim?”Rachelaskedauniformednursewho’drushedover,deckedoutwithamaskandgloves.
“Lungcancer,”thenursewhisperedgrimly.
ThenurseapproachedRickandtalkedtohiminaloudvoice,asifheweredeaf.“We’llhavetomoveyoutotheclinic.Ineedyoutostandupsowecangetyouinthewheelchair.”ShegrabbedRick’sarmandhelpedhimstandwhileanorderlymaneuveredawheelchairinplace.
RachelwatchedRickbeingwheeledawayfortreatmentashecontinuedtocoughuncontrollablyintoawadofKleenexesthenursehadgivenhim.Rachelwishedtherewasawaytogethimtocooperate.Toappealtohisbetternature.TheproblemwasthatRacheldoubtedthatRickhadabetternature.
Onthewayout,Racheltookabrochureoffastandinthereceptionarea.IthadthesameglossyPhotoshoppedpicturesofblossominggardensandbreathtakingviewsofpaddocksthatshe’dseenonthewebsite.Atthebackofthebrochurewascorporateinformation.TheretirementhomewasownedbyBlairDevelopments.Thatshouldn’thavesurprisedher.TheBlairfamily’sinterestswere,afterall,extensive.
Rachelwasdrivingbacktothehotelwhensherealizedherphonewasvibrating.Sheanswereditonspeakerwhilesignalingtomakealeftturn.
“IsthatRachel?”
“Yes,”Rachelansweredovertheclickofherturnsignal.
“ThisisRenata.Fromthefloristshop.IwassofocusedonlookingforoldordersthatIdidn’tlookatthecurrentorders.There’sanorderforapremiumbouquettobedeliveredtoJennyStills’sgravetomorrowmorning,eightA.M.sharp.Mycourierisn’ttoohappytobeworkingsoearly.”
37
GuiltyorNotGuilty
Season3,Episode8:Consent
Ifyou’vebeenfollowingthispodcast,thenyou’llknowthatthistrialisallaboutconsent.
ProvethatKconsentedtosexthatnight,andthenScottBlairwalksfree.Provethatshedidn’t,andhegoestojail.Itreallyisthatsimple.Andcomplicated.Becausethereinliestherub.
SinceKandScottBlairweretheonlyonesonthebeachthatnight,thereareonlytwopeoplewhoknowwhathappened.ScottBlair,thedefendant.AndK,thecomplainant.Thiscasewilldependalmostentirelyonwhothejurybelievesmore.
WillitbeScottBlair?AchampionswimmerbornandraisedinNeapolis.AlocalboyexpectedtoputhishometownonthemapbywinningbigatthenextOlympics.ManypeopleinthistownarerootingforScott,andthey’revocalabouttheirbeliefthathe’sbeenfalselyaccused.Othersseehimasasexualpredator.
OrwillthejurybelieveK,theteenagegirlwhosaysthatScottBlairrapedher?ThegirlwiththebrightsmileandbigdreamsofbecomingaphysiotherapistbeforetheeventsoflastOctoberbroughtherworldcrashingdown.Khashadtomoveschools.Twice.She’snowbeinghomeschooled.She’sbeenattackedoneveryfront.Hermoralshavebeenquestioned.HermotivesforaccusingScottBlairhavebeenquestioned.She’slostfriends.Therearepeopleinthistownwhowon’ttalktoherfamily.Shecan’tevenleaveherhousebecauseinatownlikethis,everyoneknows,everyonestares.
Kcan’tdefendherselfpublicly.She’samaterialwitnessinthetrialandshecan’tsayaworduntilaftershetestifies,duetotheriskitcoulddamagetheprosecution’scase.Sheandherfamilyhavehadtotakealltheabusebeingdirectedatherwithoutbeingabletosayasinglewordinherdefense.
Tomorrow,Kwillfinallyhaveherchancetospeak.She’lltakethestandandprovidethemostcrucialtestimonyofthetrial.Andthemostharrowing.
Toremindyou,Kisonlysixteen.Yetshewillhavetoreliveeverysinglethingthathappenedtoherthatnight.She’llhavetodoitinpublic.Toaroomfullofstrangers.Inexcruciatingdetail.She’llbeaskedthemostintimatequestionsimaginable.Howmanytimeshepenetratedher.Where.How.Andsoon.Thinkaboutthatforasecond.She’sateenagegirl.…
Ifthat’snothorribleenough,thenKwillhavetodoitalloveragainduringcross-examination.DefenseattorneyDaleQuinnwilltrytotripherup.Twistherwords.Doeverythingthathecantodamagehercredibility,toportrayherasaliar.Orafantasist.Orboth.He’llputonhisbestmanners.Hissoftestvoice.He’llbeconsiderate.Hewillfeignconcern.
Lettherebenodoubtthatitwillbeugly.DaleQuinn’sjobistodefendhisclient.ThesadrealityisthattheonlywayhecandothateffectivelyisbydecimatingK’stestimony
That’showtrialswork.It’smedieval.It’snotaboutgettingtothetruth.It’saboutwhocanputonabettershow.AndMitchAlkinsandDaleQuinnareamongthebestshowmenaround.
ScottBlair,incidentally,getstochoosewhetherhetestifies.Hecouldgetthroughthisentiretrialwithouteveropeninghismouth.It’suptohislawyerstodecidewhetherhetakesthestand,orneveruttersasinglewordinhisowndefense.ThedecisionofwhetherhetestifieswilllikelydependonhowdamagingK’stestimonyis.
Mostdefenselawyersprefertheirclientsnottotestify.Theirreasoningisthatit’stheprosecutor’sjobtomakethecase.Thedefensedoesn’thavetomakeanycaseatall.Sowhyputtheirclientonthestandandrisksomethingdamagingcomingoutduringabrutalcross-examination?That’sthelogicanyway.
Sowehavethisunfairdisparityinrapecaseswherethevictimgets—let’scallitwhatitis—violated.Twice.Thefirsttimeintheattack.Thesecondtimeincourt.
Meanwhile,thedefendant—themanaccusedofperpetratingthebrutalcrimesagainstK—well,hedoesnothavetomakeapeep.Allhehastodoisturnupincourteachdaywithasolemnfaceandtheshell-shockeddemeanorofthefalselyaccused.
Kwillnothaveaneasytimeofitonthestand.Shewilllikelyspendhourstestifyingfortheprosecution.Shemayspendevenlongerbeinggrilledbythedefense.Hertestimonywillbeputunderamicroscope.ItwillbepokedandproddedbyScottBlair’sformidablelegalteamastheylookforlies,orinconsistencies.AnythingtodamageK’scredibility.Anythingtogettheirclientacquitted.
Theprocessissoawfulthatitmakesmewonderwhyateenagegirlwouldgothroughthisnightmareexperienceifheraccusationsarefalse.Ifsheismakingitup.
I’mRachelKrallandthisisGuiltyorNotGuilty,thepodcastthatputsyouinthejurybox.
38
Rachel
Thedarkoutlinesoffishingtrawlersmovedslowlyagainstapink-tingedskyasRacheldidhamstringstretchesbyabenchoverlookingthesea.DawnwasbreakingoverNeapolisonthemostimportantdayofthetrial.
Rachelshouldhavebeenfastasleepinherhotelroombed,giventhatshe’dgonetosleepatmidnightafterworkinglateintherecordingstudio.Instead,shewokebeforedawnanddressedinrunningshortsandasleevelessLycratopforabriefmorningjogalongtheboardwalktoclearherheadbeforespendingthedayincourt.KellyMoorewasduetotakethestandinwhatwasexpectedtobeanintenseandemotionaldayoftestimony.
Rachelfinishedherstretchesandthenshuffledintoajog,graduallyspeedingupuntilshewasrunningdowntheboardwalkinlong,smoothstrides.Assheran,sheveeredawayfromherintendedrouteandcrossedtheroad,headingtowarddowntownNeapolis,afewblocksaway.Shepassedarowofshutteredshops,pursuedbytheclatterofagarbagetruckemptyingDumpstersbehindher.
Sheranpastthecafenexttothelibrary,whereawaiterwasopeningyellowumbrellasatoutdoortableswhileabaristawearingablackclothapronpickedupacrateofmilkcartonsthathadbeenleftoutsidethecafedoor.Sheranacrosstheroadtothecitypark,wherethehissofsprinklersforcedheroffthegrassandontoabicyclepaththatledtotheheritagesectionofNeapolis.Rachelpassedthedarkandsilentcourthouseandcontinuedrunningthroughamazeofsidestreetsuntilshereachedthegloomyentranceofthecemetery
Itwasonlywhenshecheckedherwatchassheapproachedthecast-ironcemeterygatethatsheadmittedtoherselfthat,deepdown,she’dalwaysintendedtobeatthecemeterythatmorning.Renata’sflowerarrangementwouldbedeliveredtoJennyStills’sgravebyaspecialcourierat8:00A.M.sharp.Thedeliverytimewasveryspecific.ItmadeRachelthinkthatsomeonewasturningupatthecemeterytoplacethebouquetonthegrave.RachelhopedthatpersonwouldbetheelusiveHannah,whohadn’tbeenintouchfordays.
Rachelshouldhavebeengettingdressed,reviewingnotes,eatingafillingbreakfasttosustainherthroughthelongdayahead.Thelastthingsheshouldhavebeendoingonthemorningofthemostimportantdayofthetrialwasrunningtoacemeterytowatchflowersbeingdeliveredtothegraveofagirlwhohaddieddecadesearlier,inthefainthopethatJenny’sgrievingsistermightappear.
ThecemeterygatecreakedsharplyasRachelpusheditopenandwalkedpastarowofivy-coveredgravestones.Theairwascoolandstillasshemovedthroughthelabyrinthofcrumblingtombstonesdownthesycamoretree–linedpaththatconnectedtheoldandthenewsectionsofthecemetery.
WhenRachelcaughtsightofJenny’sgrave,shesteppedoffthepathandhidamongthetrees,watchingandwaitingastherapidbeatofherheartreturnedtonormal.
Ayoungmanarrivedat8:00AM.sharp.Rightontime.Heheldablackmotorcyclehelmetunderhisarmandcarriedanelaboratebouquetofflowers.HestrodetoJenny’sgrave,wherehecasuallytossedthebouquet,andwalkedaway,puttingonhismotorcyclehelmetashedisappearedthrougharearservicegate.
Rachelheardtheroarofamotorcycleashedroveoff.Shewaitedtenminutes.Andthenfifteen.Itwastwenty-fiveaftereightinthemorningandnobodyhadarrived.Shecouldn’twaitanylonger.Shehadtoreturntothehoteltogetreadyforcourtorshe’dnevermakeitintime.
Suddenly,Rachelheardfootstepscomingfromthedirectionoftheoldcemetery.Someonewaswalkingtowardher.Sheslippedfartherintothetreesasthecrunchofgravelbecamelouder.Shewassofarinsidethefoliagethatherviewwasblockedbythick-leafedbranches.Rachelcouldn’tmovetoabettervantagepointwithoutcracklingleavesunderfootandforcingbranchestosway.Notwantingtodrawattentiontoherself,shewaitedinfrozensilence,holdingherbreathasthefootstepsbrieflypaused.
Shedetectedahintofhesitationbeforethesteadypacepassedherhidingspot.Shedidn’tmoveatalluntilthefootstepsbecamemoredistantandshecouldtellthevisitorwasheadingtowardthenewsectionofthecemetery.TowardJenny’sgrave.Rachelmovedclosertothepathsothatshecouldseethevisitor.Shewassurprisedtoseethatitwasn’tHannahatall.Itwasadark-hairedmaninanavysuit.
Racheldidn’tneedtoseeMitchAlkins’sfacetoknowitwashim.Hispowerfulbuildandtoweringheightweredeadgiveaways.Hereachedthegraveandbentdowntopickuptheflowerarrangementthecourierhadtossedthere.Heplacedthebouquetgentlyonthegraveandstoodforamomentwithhisheadbowedinmourningbeforesteppingbackandwhirlingaround.
Rachelquicklymoveddeeperintotheshadowsbetweenthetreesashereturnedinherdirection.Hewalkedfaster.Forafrighteningsecond,shewonderedifhe’dseenherandwascomingtoconfronther.Thecemeterywassosilentthatshewasafraidhe’dhearherheartpoundingashepassedby.
Ashecameclose,shesawhiseyeswerebloodshot.Rachelguessedhe’dbeenuplatepreparingforcourt.Shewasrelievedwhenhequicklydisappearedthewayhehadcome.Themetalclangoftheoldcemeterygatebangingshutconfirmedhehadleft.SheranaheadandwatchedthroughthefenceasMitchAlkinsdroveaway.
ThelinegoingthroughthemetaldetectorsatthecourthouseentrancewashalfwaydownthestairswhenRachelarrived.Shewasfrazzledfromthemadrushtogetreadyforcourt.
Shehadn’thadtimetoblow-dryherhairorputonanymakeup.She’ddressedhastily,andhertightgrayskirtandwhiteshirtfelttwistedanduncomfortableonherclammyskin.Decidingtotakeataxiandavoidwastingtimelookingforaparkingspace,Rachelhadusedthebriefjourneytofixherhairandapplylipglossinthebackseatasthetaxitookashortcuttothecourthouse,drivingatbreakneckspeedbeforepullingtoastopbytheplaza.CourtwasalmostfullwhenRachelenteredandtookherseatinthefrontrowofthemediagallery.
MitchAlkinswasflickingthroughanotepadfilledwithtight,blackwritingattheprosecution’stable.Hewaswearingthesamesuithe’dwornatthecemetery.Hisfacewasinscrutable.Hiseyesweresetinconcentration.Heappearedoblivioustotheimpatientmurmursacrossthecourtroomandthesqueakingofchairsastheclerkssettledintotheirseats.He’dshiftedmentalgearsfrommournertoprosecutorinthespaceofanhour.
Whygotothecemeteryonsuchanimportantday?ThequestiontroubledRacheluntilsherememberedwhatKitty,Hannah’sadoptivemother,hadtoldher.TodaymustbetheanniversaryofJenny’sdeath,Rachelrealized.That’swhyMitchAlkinshadorderedtheflowersandvisitedthegravebeforecourt.Thecardhe’dorderedwiththeflowershadsaidsimply:Forgiveme.RachelwonderedwhathehaddonetoJennyStillsthatwarrantedalifetimeofforgiveness.
HerthoughtswereinterruptedbythearrivalofSophia,thecourtsketchartistwhosecornerseatinthemediaboxnexttoRachelofferedthebestviewofthecourtroomandplentyofelbowroomforsketching.Sophiaplacedaselectionofpastelshadesonthetimberledgeinfrontofherasshepreparedforalongsession.
Shewasaveterancourtroomartistwho’dsketchedatoversixtytrials.SincecameraswerebannedattheBlairtrial,Sophia’sdrawingsweretheonlyvisualdepictionsofthetrialthattheoutsideworldwouldsee.HersketcheshadrunonTVnewsbroadcastseverynightsincethetrialbegan.RachelhadalsoconnectedhertoPete,who’dcommissionedaseriesofblackinkdrawingsofthetrialforthepodcastwebsite.Eachday,adrawingrelatedtothatday’stestimonywasposted.
“You’veseenmorethanafewtrialsinyourtime.Whatdoyouthink,Sophia?”askedRachelonceSophiahadorganizedherdrawingequipment.“Doyouthinktheevidencetheprosecutionhaspresentedsofarisenoughforaconviction?”
“Notlikely,”Sophiaanswered.“DaleQuinndidabrilliantjobattwistingtheprosecution’switnessesintoknotsandhighlightingeveryconceivableinconsistencytomakethemlooklikeliars.PlusheshowedthatseveralofthewitnesseshadanaxetogrindagainstScottBlair.Ijustcan’tseethejuryconvictingbasedonwhat’sbeenpresentedsofar.”
“Whatabouttheforensicevidence?”Rachelasked.“IthoughtDr.NorthdidaconvincingjobofanalyzingtheforensicsfromtherapekittoshowthatKelly’sinjuriesstronglyindicatedthatshedidn’tconsent.”
“Maybe,”sighedSophia.“TheproblemisthatI’veseenDaleQuinn’sexpertwitnessonthestand.He’sthebestthatmoneycanbuy.He’lldemolishDr.North’stestimony.”Shewasgoingtosaymorebutshewascutoffbythebailiff’scallforeveryonetoriseforJudgeShaw.“I’msorrytosaythatthiscaselivesordiesonKellyMoore’stestimony,”SophiawhisperedfurtivelytoRachelasthejudgeenteredthecourtroom.
39
Rachel
KellyMoore’smothercoveredhermouthwithherpalmindistressasherdaughterswayedonherfeetafterswearinginontheBible.Insteadoffainting,Kellyclutchedthepolishedtimberofthewitnessstand.Herknuckleswerewhiteassheloweredherselfintothechair.
Thefragileyoungwomaninthewitnessboxborealmostnoresemblancetothevibrant,outgoinggirlinthephotographsthatRachelhadseeninDanMoore’soffice.HereyeswerewideandherfacewasashenagainstthedarkfabricofherblouseasshewaitedforMitchAlkinstoaskhisfirstquestion.
Alkins’svoicewaslacedwithcompassionasheslowlyeasedKellyintoaseriesofquestionsaboutthatnight.FromherwalkbackfromthepartywithHarrisWilson,tothestaboffearwhenshesawamanstandinginfrontofherbytheswingintheparkthatnight,tothesheerreliefthatranthroughherwhensherealizedthestrangerwasthefamousScottBlair.
“Iknewwhohewas,”shesaidinasoftvoice.“I’dnevermethimbefore,butweallknewScottBlair.He’dgonetoourhighschool.Iknewthathewasafamousswimmer.Hewasinadvertisementsandmagazinesandstuff.EveryoneatLexi’spartywastalkingabouthowhe’dcrashedherparty.”
“DidyoufeellessafraidonceyourecognizedthatthestrangerwasScottBlair?”
“Yes.Alotlessafraid.Hewasreallynice.Heapologizedforscaringme.HetoldmethatHarristextedhimtodropmeathomebecausehisparentshadcaughthimsneakingintothehouseandtheywouldn’tlethimoutagain,”sheanswered
KellydescribedhowshewalkedwithScotttohiscar.Itwasasilversportscarwithsoftleatherseatsandanew-carsmell.Heopenedthefrontpassengerdoorforherandmadesuresheputonherseatbeltbeforehedroveoff.Kellytoldhimheraddress.Hesaidheknewthestreet,whichiswhyshewassurprisedwhenhedroverightpastit.
“Itoldhimthathe’dmissedtheturn.Hesaidnottoworry.Thathe’dlooparound.”
“Anddidhe?”Alkinsasked.
“Heofferedtotakemeforadrivefirst.I’dneverdrivenaroundinaconvertiblewiththetopdown.Isaid,‘Sure.’Wedrovealongthecoast.Wewereheadinghomewhenhesuggestedwegetfood,”shesaid.“HeaskedmewhatkindoffoodIliked.Isaidpizza.Hesaidhelikedpizza,too.”
AlkinsshowedKellytheCCTVfootagefromthepizzaplace.Heaskedherwhyshedidn’talertthestaffatthepizzaparlororasktousetheirphonetocallherparents.“WhydidyoureturnwithScotttohiscar?”Alkinsasked.
ShetoldhimthatshehadnoconcernsaboutScott’sbehavioratthatpoint.He’dbeenfriendlyandattentive.Shebelievedhewouldtakeherhomerightafterthey’deaten,justashe’dpromised.Inthecar,hesuggestedtheyeatthepizzaatthebeach.Shewasn’tcrazyabouttheidea,butshedidn’twanttobedifficult,sosheagreed.Hedrovetoabeach.Kellyhadlostherbearingsbythenbecauseitwaslateatnightandverydark.Shedidn’tknowwhereshewas,butsheknewtheyweren’tneartownbecauseshecouldn’tseethebrightlightsofthemarinafromthestretchofbeachwheretheysat.
“Weatepizzaandlistenedtowaves.Scottbroughtbeerfromhiscar.Idrankabottle,”saidKelly.“Hedranktwobottles.Hesaidhedidn’thavetobeupatdawntotrain,sohecouldhavefun.”
“Whathappenedwhenyoufinishedeatingthepizzaanddrinkingthebeer?”
“ScotttoldmethatIwasreallybeautifulandthathelikedmealot.Andthenhekissedme.”
“Anddidyoukisshimback?”
“Yeah,Idid.Wemadeoutabit.Nothingserious.Justkissing.”
“Andthenwhathappened?”
“Heputhishandsundermytop.IpushedthemoffmeandsaidthatIjustwantedtokiss.”
“Whatdidhesaytothat?”
“Hesaidhedidn’tbringmeoutthereandbuymepizzaandalltogetafewkisses.Andthenhepushedmebackonthegroundandputhishandsinsidemyclothes.Itriedtogetoutfromunderhim,butheputhisweightonme.Hewasstrong.Hewaskissingmeandtouchingmeandgrindingintome;Icouldn’tmove.”Kellypausedtowipethetearsthathadcollectedinhereyes.
“Didyousayanythingtohim?”
“Iwasshockedbyhowhewentfrombeingnicetobeingaggressive.ItoldhimIdidn’twanttodoanythinglikethat.Itriedmyhardesttogetoutfromunderhim.”
“Andthenwhathappened?”
“Hetriedtounzipmyjeanszipper.”Kellyletoutasob.“Ipushedhishandaway.Hesatonmeandrestrainedmyhands.Hetoldmetostopfighting.Hisvoicewasmean.Likeasnarl.Iwasafraidofhim.”
“Whatdidyoudowhenhedidthat,Kelly?”
Kellytriedtospeak,buteachtimethesobsoverwhelmedherandshewasn’tabletosayanythingaudible.
“Takeyourtime,Kelly,”Alkinssaidgentlyasshegulpedemotionally,unabletoformulateasinglesentence.
“IsaidtohimthatIwantedtogohomeandtopleaseletmegohome.AndIcried.KindoflikeI’mcryingnow.Ibeggedhimtotakemehome,”chokedKelly.
“Whatwasthedefendant’sresponse?”
“HetoldmethatI’dgohomewhenhewasreadyformetogohomeandthenhekissedmeagain,thistimewithhistongue,andheunzippedmyjeans.Hewasstrong.Icouldn’tgetaway.EvenifIdid,wherewouldIgo?Itwasdark.IhadnoideawhereIwas.Ididn’thaveaphone.”Hershouldersheavedagain.Tearsstreameddownherface.
“Couldyouhavebrokenfree,Kelly?”
“No,hewasholdingmedownwhilehepulledoffmypantsThenhepushedhislegbetweenmine.”
“Andthenwhathappened,Kelly?”
“Herapedme.”
AlkinswaitedforKellytostopcrying.Thecourtroomwassilentexceptforthesoundofherwrackingsobs.Eventually,thebailiffhandedheraglassofwater.Kellysippedthewater,dabbedathereyes,andnodded.Alkinstookherthroughmorequestions,breakingdowntherapeintoshort,graphicdetails.
“Didyouatanypointtellhimtostop?Orlethimknowthatyoudidn’twantit?”
“Icriedthewholetime.Hetoldmeto‘shutup.’HeknewIwascrying.Whenhewasfinishedhesatupandshovedabeerbottleatme.Toldmetodrinkit.Thatitwouldmakemefeelbetter.”
Kellysaidshedranktherestofthebeerwhilehedownedafreshbottle.Whentheyweredonedrinking,Scotttoldherthathewantedtogoforaswim.“Youcan’tbeatskinnydippingaftersex,”he’dtoldherashepulledherupfromthesand.Sheswamwithhiminthecoldroughwater,terrifiedthathemightdrownhertocoverupforwhathe’ddonetoher.
“Whenwecamebacktothebeach,herapedmealloveragain.”
RachelwatchedSophiadrawScottBlair’shandsomefaceandpursedmouthashelistenedtoKelly’stestimony.Hisfacewasimpassive.Hisjawwastight.
“ItoldhimthatIwasbleeding.Ibeggedhimtotakemehome.”
“Whatdidhesaytothat,Kelly?”Alkinsasked.
“Hesaidsomethinglike,‘Notyet.I’mnotdone.’”
“Isitatallpossiblethedefendantdidnotrealizethatyouwerenotconsentingtothesexualintercoursethatoccurredthatnight?”
“ItoldhimthatIdidn’twanttodoit.Itoldhimoverandoveragain.Itriedtogetaway.Icried.Ibeggedforhimtoletmego.HehadtoknowthatIdidn’twantit.”
“Howlongdiditlast?”Alkinsasked.
“Ilosttrackoftime.Afteritended,hemademeposeforaphotowithhim.Aselfie.Heputhisarmaroundmeandsaid,‘Smile.’Heshowedmethepicture.Iwasnakedfromthewaistup.Hehadhisarmsaroundmetocovermybreasts.HetextedthephototosomeoneandputitonInstagram.”
“Whatdidyoudo?”
“Iwassoembarrassed,”shesaid.“Ibeggedhimtotakeitdown.Hesaidsomethinglike,‘You’reright.Thatwasadumbmove.’Hetookitdown,butacoupleofhisfriendshadalreadytextedhimbackemojislikeatonguehangingoutofamouth.OneofthemaskedhimwhetherIwasanygood.Heshowedmethattext.Hewroteback:‘Cminus.’Heshowedmethat,too.”
“Wereyouoffendedthathe’dratedyoulikethat?”Alkinsasked.
“He’drapedme.Ididn’tcareabouthisstupidrating.Iwasscaredthathe’ddoitagain.”
Kellydescribedhowshefellasleeponthesand.ShesuspectedthatScotthadputsomethinginherbeer,becauseshewasverysleepy.Shesaidshewokebrieflytofindamustyoldshirttuckedoverherlikeablanket.Shedidn’tknowwheretheshirtcamefrom,becauseshesaidthatScotthadn’twornashirtlikethat.Shewasgratefulfortheshirt.Itwascoldonthebeach.ItswarmthhelpedKellydriftoffagain.
“Itfeltisifsomeonewaswatchingmesleep.Imusthavebeendreaming,becauseScottwasn’tthere.Iwokeuptothesoundofhiscardooropeningandthenslammingclosed.IlookedupandIsawScottwalkoverholdingasportsbag.Heopeneditupandthrewoutabarofsoap,shampoo,andatowel.Heorderedmetowashintheoutdoorshoweronthebeach.Andthentoldmetogetdressed.”
“Onceyouweredressed,whatdidhedo?”
“Hethreatenedme.Hetoldmenexttimehe’dbringfriends,”shesaid.“Healsosaidthathe’dmakesurethateveryoneknewIwasaslutifIsaidawordtoanyone.Thattheonlywaytokeepmy‘goodgirl’reputationwastoshutup.”
BythetimeJudgeShawcalledalatelunchrecess,fourhourshadpassed.Rachelhadnoappetite.Shedoubtedthatanyoneelsedid,either.ShesawasocialworkertakingKellyMooredownacorridorintoaprivateroom.Kellywouldhavethelunchrecesstocomposeherselfforthecross-examination.
40
GuiltyorNotGuilty
Season3,Episode9:TheTestimony
Assoonascourtwasadjournedfortheday,Irushedoutofthecourtroomtotheladies’restroomwhere—well,I’llspareyouthegorydetails.OtherthantosaythatI’veneverfeltassickasIdidthatafternoonafterwatchingasixteen-year-oldgirlgettorturedonthestand.Allinthenameofjustice.
Rapecasescanbemoretraumatictotrythanmurdercasesbecausethebrutalizedvictimistheretodescribewhathappenedtoher.Morethanthat.Sheliveswiththenightmareevery…single…day…of…herlife.
TodayKtookthestand.Shewasaskedabouteverytinydetailofwhathappened.AndImeaneverysingledetail.Didheejaculate.Sexualpositions.Everything.Canyouimagineattheageofsixteen—hell,atanyage—havingtogointothatlevelofdetailtoaroomfullofstrangers?Itwasawful.
Herparentsclutchedeachother’shandsastheylistenedtotheirdaughterrecalltheworstnightofherlife.Hermotherwentthroughapacketoftissues.Herfather,well,he’sanex–navalofficer.He’sbeenprettystoicincourtsofar.ButtearsstreameddownhischeeksashelistenedtohisdaughterrecountwhathappenedtoheronthatlonelybeachlastOctober.
Therewasn’tasoundincourtexcepttherustleofpaperasMitchAkinswentthroughathicklegalpadfullofquestionswrittenoutonpageafterpageafterpage.
Kneverstrayedfromhertestimony.Overandoverandoveragain,sheconsistentlysaidthatshetoldScottBlairtostop.Shepushedhishandsaway.Shetoldhimthatshewantedtogohome.Shetoldhimthatshedidn’twanttohavesexwithhim.Hedidn’tlisten.Herapedher.Andwhenhewasdone,herapedheragain.Andagain.
K’stestimonyleftmefeelingqueasy.I’msurethatitsickenedthejuryaswell.Everydaysincethetrialstarted,it’sbeenarunningjokebetweenthejuryandthejudgeaboutwhatmealtheywouldgetfortheirlunch.Todayitwasobviousthatthejurywasn’tinterestedinfoodwhenweadjourned.Whocouldpossiblyhaveanappetiteafterhearingthathorrifictestimony?
ThedefendanthadatendencytostareintospaceduringK’stestimony.DaleQuinn,andhisteamoflawyers,scribbledfuriouslyontheirnotepadsandtradednotesasKtestified.TheywerealreadypreparingfortheirredirectevenbeforeKleftthestand.
JudgeShaw,whothroughoutthetrialhasbeenquick-temperedandsharp-tongued,wasunusuallypensive.He’sprobablypresidedoverhisfairshareofrapetrials,butbytheendofthesessionhelookeddrained.
K’sanswereachtimewasconsistently“no.”Kinsistedthatnobodycouldpossiblyhavemistakenherresponses—weeping,strugglingtogetaway,beggingtogohome,thewayshetriedtowriggleoutofhisgrasp,holdingherlegstogetherandcoveringhergenitals—assuggestingthatshewasawillingparticipant.
So,yeah,IwasnauseousafterIheardhertestimony.ButnothalfassickaswhenKtookthestandafterthelunchrecessforcross-examination.
DaleQuinnischarming.Hecomesacrossasaregularguy.Helovestomentionhiswifeandtwinbabies.Weknowtheirnames.Weknowthatheandhiswifeputbandsontheirdaughters’wriststotellthemapart.Heactsscatterbrained.Dropsstuff.Spillsstuff.Andthenpretendstoforgethistrainofthoughtbeforegoingforthejugularwithaquestionthatnobodyseescoming.
Heactsdopey.Heseemskind,andconsiderateandveryfriendly.It’shardnottolikehim.Ifasurveywasdone,thenI’mbettingthatDaleQuinn’scongenialityratingwouldbethroughtheroof.
ButwhenitcametoshreddingK’stestimonythroughcross-examination,Quinnwasbrutal.Notinanaggressiveway.Hekepthisvoicesoft;hemaintainedhis“awshucks”routine.ButhehammeredawayatKwithquestionafterquestion.Itfeltasifhewasveryslowlyandcarefullydestroyingher.
Heaskedherwhethershegotintothecarvoluntarily.Shesaid,“Yes.”
HeaskedwhetherScottwasnicetoher.Shesaid,“Yes.”
Heaskedifshescreamedinfear.
“Itriedtoscreamatfirst,butnothingcameout.IwassoscaredthatIwasparalyzed,”Kanswered.
“HowwasScotttoknowthatyouwereparalyzedwithfearifyoudidn’tsayanything?”heasked.
“Icriedandbeggedhimtoleavemealone.AndIkeptonsaying,‘Please,no,please.’”
“Howcouldyoubeparalyzedwithfearand,atthesametime,screamandbeghimtoleaveyoualone?Whichonewasit?Wereyouparalyzedwithfear?Ordidyouscreamandbeghimtoleaveyoualone?”Hebadgeredher.“Itcan’tbeallthree.
“Isn’tittruethatyouwantedtosleepwithScottBlair?He’sfamous.Good-looking.Youwantedtohavesexwithhim.Didn’tyou?”Quinnaskedher.
Kbrokedownabouttenminutesintothecross-examination.Quinnaskedadetailedquestionabouttherape.Ican’trememberhisexactquestion,butIthinkitwassomethingaboutwhethershe’dmoanedinpleasure.Kturneddeathlywhite.Herhandstrembled.Shetookinaseriesofloud,sharpbreaths.Shewashyperventilatingonthestand.ThenshemadeaprimalsoundthatI’veonlyheardoncebeforeataslaughterhouse.Itwasadeep,retchinghowlofpainthatsentchillsupthespine.
WeallthoughtKwasabouttocollapse.Shewashavingafull-onpanicattack.Shehadherfaceinherhands.Shesoundedasifshewaschoking.Herfatherheldhermotherbackwhileasocialworkerattendedtoher.
“YourHonor,”saidAlkins.“Thewitnesshasbeenonthestandforoverfourhours.It’sbecomingtoomuch.She’sjustachild.Canweadjournfortheday?”
DaleQuinntriedtoscorepointswiththejurybyshowinghewasequallyconcernedaboutherwell-being.Herushedtobringheraglassofwaterandthenmadeabigshowofactingmagnanimouslybyagreeingthatshecouldleavethestanduntilshewasfeelingwellenoughtocontinuetestifying.Atthesametime,hemadeitclearthathewasn’tdonewithher.Notbyalongshot.
Quietly,duringasidebarIoverheard,hetoldthejudgethathehadn’tcomeclosetofinishinghiscross-examination.“Elevenminutes,YourHonor,”hesaid.“Thecomplainanttestifiedforhours.AllIhadwaselevenminuteswithher.Ican’tdefendmyclientinelevenminutes.”
Kisnotdoneyet.She’llhavetocomebacktocourttocompletehercross-examination.Shebarelylastedelevenminutestoday.Nexttime,itcouldlasthours.Perhapsevendays.
MitchAlkinslookedextremelyconcernedasheleftcourttoday.Thisfromamanrenownedforhispokerface.Hedoesn’thavemuchofacasewithouthertestimony.HeneedsKbackonthestand.Butatwhatcost?
OneofthequestionsIkeepaskingmyselfiswhetherit’sworthit.Whenapersongoesthroughaterribletrauma,hermindisconditionedtoforgetwhathappened.Memorylossfromtraumaisaprotectivemechanism.Ithelpsusstaysane.
Inthiscase,asixteen-year-oldgirlisbeingaskedtorecount,infrontofalargegroupofstrangers,inpublic,everysingletraumatic,horrificmomentofthatnightonthebeachsothatmaybe,justmaybe,herallegedrapistwillbepunishedforwhathedidtoher.
Isshedoingthatforherself,orforthepublicgood?Willitgiveherclosureifhegoestoprison?Willitvindicateher?Orwillitdestroyher?ThepainandtraumathatshehastoenduretogethimconvictedtookaterribletollonKtoday.Shewastremblinguncontrollably.Hereyeswereglassy.Herexpressionwasagonized.
Thetraumaoftestifyinginopencourtisoneofthemainreasonswhysomanyrapevictimsoptnottotestifyandwhysomanyrapesareneverprosecuted.
WesawKbarelyabletoformulateasentenceattimes.Wesawhergrief,andherdespair.Wesawthewayasocialworkerhadtosupporthersothatherlegswouldn’tbuckleunderherwhenshetookthestand.Andhowthatsamesocialworkeralmosthadtocarryherawaybecauseshecouldbarelywalkwhenshegotoffthestandafterthatbriefcross-examination.
Weheardhersaying“Sorry,”asshepassedtheprosecutors’table,becauseshecouldn’tbringherselftoanswerthehorriblydetailedandaccusatoryquestionsofthedefense.
ThequestionnowiswhetherKwillreturntothestandtofinishhercross-examination.Ifshedoesn’t,thenScottBlairmaywellwalkfree.ThisisRachelKrallonGuiltyorNotGuilty,thepodcastthatputsyouinthejurybox.
41
Rachel
RachelcouldseethespringinDaleQuinn’sstepashearrivedincourt,brimmingwithconfidence.Hewouldbepresentingthefirstdefensewitnessesthatday:characterwitnessestoshoreupScottBlair’sbonafidesasacard-carryingsaint.
Thetrialhadtakenanunusualturn.KellyMoore’ssuddendeparturefromthestandandherfailuretoreturntofinishhertestimonyputJudgeShawinaquandary.Hecouldn’tholdupthetrialindefinitelywhilewaitingforKelly.Intheend,heruledthedefensewouldpresentitscaseandKellywouldreturntothestandlaterinthetrial.Itwasunorthodox,butjudgeshadsomeleewayinsexualassaultcases.
Alkinslookedgrimwhenhewalkedintothecourtroom.Rachelthoughtthathehadgoodreasontobeconcerned,iftherewasanytruthtotherumorsthatKellyMoorehadsufferedabreakdownandmightnotreturntothestandatall.Thatwouldbeadeathblowtotheprosecution’scase.WithoutKelly’stestimony,itwashardtoimagineascenarioinwhichScottBlairdidnotgofree.
WhileRachelwaitedforthecourtsessiontostart,shecheckedhermessages.TherewasatextfromDave,anoldboyfriend,tellingherhe’dbeinPhiladelphiathefollowingweekforwork.Heaskedifshewasfreetomeetfordinner.RachelfounditcharmingthatDavedidn’tlistentothepodcastandhadnoideathatshewasawaycoveringtheScottBlairtrial.Sherespondedaskingforaraincheck.TherewereseveralothertextsfromclosefriendstellingRachelhowmuchtheylovedthenewseason.
Finally,RachelreachedatextmessagefromPete,sayingthathe’dgonethroughthepodcast’scloggedinboxandfoundanemailfromHannah,senttwodaysearlier.He’djustforwardedittoher.Rachelwasabouttoopentheemailwhenthebailiffcalledonthemtoriseforthejudge.Shehadnochoicebuttoturnoffherphoneanddropitintoherhandbagasshestoodup.
DaleQuinn’sfirstwitnesswasPastorMarkFlemingoftheFirstSouthernBaptistChurch,whichtheBlairfamilyattended.Quinn’squestionsstucktotheguidelinessetbyJudgeShaw,whohadruledthatcharacterwitnessescouldtestifyonlyaboutScottBlair’struthfulness,hisgeneralmorality,andhispasttreatmentofwomen.QuinnwasnotallowedtoaskthecharacterwitnesseswhethertheybelievedScottBlairhadrapedKellyMoore,orwhethertheythoughthewascapableofsuchanact.
PastorFlemingtoldthecourtthathe’dknownScottsincehewasachild.HedescribedScottinglowingtermsandinsistedtherehadneverbeenanysuggestionthathebehavedinappropriatelywithgirls,includingwhenhewasthewaterpolocoachforthegirls’teamwhileinhighschool.“Thosegirlscouldn’tsayenoughgoodthingsaboutthatboy,”saidthepastor.
Thesecondcharacterwitness,TomTarant,hadbeenacoachatNeapolisHighforwellovernineteenyears.Hewasawell-knownfigureinthetown.Hehadtheheavysetbuildofaformerathletewho’dbeefedupinmiddleagewithaheadsobaldthatitreflectedthelightsabovethewitnessstand.“IwishallthekidsIcoachedwerelikeScott.Hewasapleasuretoteach,”hetoldthecourt.“Believeme,I’dhavealotmorehaironmyheadifthey’dallbeenlikehim,”hesaid,promptingtittersfromthejury.
“Mr.Tarant,”Alkinssaidwhenitwashisturntocross-examinethecoach.“Fromyourtestimonyitsoundsasifthedefendantwasanexemplarystudent.IfImaysay,hesoundsalmosttoogoodtobetrue.Surelythedefendantwasn’tperfectlybehavedallthetime?Hemusthavedonesomethingwrongatleastonceinthetimeyouknewhim?”
“Can’tthinkofanything,”saidCoachTarant.
“Whatabouthazing?”
“I’mnotsurewhatyoumean,”saidthecoachhesitantly.
“Wasthedefendanteversuspendedfromschoolforhazinganotherswimmer?”
“Therewasaprankthatwentalittleoutofcontrol,”thecoachadmitted.“Don’tthinkitcanbecalledhazing.”
“Canyoutellthejuryaboutthisprank?”Alkinsasked,sittingontheedgeofhistablewithhisarmscrossed.
“Itwassomet-t-timeago,”thecoachstammered.“I’mnotsureifIrecallitclearly.”
“Letmerefreshyourmemory,”saidAlkins.“Isn’tittruethatthedefendantbroughtapairofscissorsintothepooland,whiletwootherswimmersheldthearmsofafreshmanswimmerbehindhisback,thedefendantcuttheboy’sSpeedooffhisbody?Heandhisfriendsthenliftedtheboy,starknaked,outofthepool,andtheycalledovergirlstoseetheboy’sgenitals.”
“Kidsdodumbthings,”saidthecoach.“Look,everyoneapologizedandtherewerenohurtfeelings.”
“Doyourecallwhathappenedtotheswimmerinquestion?”Alkinspersisted.
“Helefttheschool,”saidthecoachstiffly.
“Indeed,”saidAlkins.“Hedidleavetheschool.Afterhetiedaweightaroundhisfeetandtriedtodrownhimselfintheschoolpool.Ibelieveyouweretheonewhopulledhimtothesurfaceandgavehimmouth-to-mouthresuscitation.Yousavedhislife,Coach.I’msurprisedyoudon’tremember.”GaspsrippledacrossthecourtroomasheadsswiveledtowardScottBlair.
Duringthemiddayrecess,Rachelboughtasandwichandacoffeeatafoodtruckacrossthestreetfromthecourthouse.SheateitwhileonabenchintheshadeofagiantoakonthesouthernlawnasshereadovertheemailfromHannahStillsthatPetehadforwardedherthatmorning.
Whenshewasdone,RachelwalkedbackacrosstheplazaimmersedinthoughtabouthowshecouldgetafewminutesalonewithAlkinstoaskhimagainaboutJennyStills.Ittookheramomenttoregisterthathernamewasbeingcalled.ShespunaroundtoseeDetectiveCooperstandinginthemiddleoftheplazawithhishandsinhispocketsandanamusedexpressiononhisfaceashewatchedherwalk,oblivioustohispresence.“Youwerecallingmyname,weren’tyou?”Rachelsaid,embarrassed.
“Youliterallywalkedrightpastme,”hejoked.
“I’msosorry.Iwasthinkingaboutthetrial.It’snotlookinggreatforMitchAlkinsrightnow.”
“Isitthatbad?Ihaven’tbeenfollowingitthatclosely.I’mgoingtolistentoyourpodcasttonight.IheardthatNathShawisriledupaboutit.Figureithastobegoodifitgothimallsteamedup.”
“Nath?”Rachelsaid.“Ididn’tknowyouwereonnicknametermswiththejudge.”
“I’veknownNathsinceIwasakid.Welivednextdoortoeachother,”saidDetectiveCooper.
“IthoughtyouwerefromRhodeIsland.”
“Ilivedthereforalongtime,butIgrewuphere,”hesaid.
“Ifthat’sthecasethenyoumusthaveknownMitchAlkinswhenyouweregrowingup,”Rachelsaid,spottinganopportunitytogetinformation.Eversincethemorningshe’dseenAlkinslayflowersatJenny’sgrave,she’dwantedtopushherwayintohisorbitanddemandthathetellherabouthisconnectiontoJenny
“Mitchisafewyearsyoungerthanme,but,sure,MitchandIgowayback,”DetectiveCoopersaid,histonecryptic.“Whytheinterest?”
Rachelhesitatedoverhowfarsheshouldpushitbutfiguredshehadnothingtolose.“IheardthatwhenMitchAlkinswasyoung,hewasclosetoagirlwhowasmurdered.”
DetectiveCooperlookedatheroddly.“Wheredidyouhearthatfrom?”
“Themurderedgirl’ssistersentmealetter,”saidRachel.
“AndshenamedMitchintheletter?”Cooperasked,acatchinhisvoice.
“No,shedidn’t,”Racheladmitted.“ButIheardfromanold-timerherethatAlkinsknewthegirl.”
DetectiveCooperwasabouttosaysomethingelsewhenhisphonerang.Hetookthecall,movingawayfromherashespokewhilegesturingwithhishandthatsheshouldwait.Heobviouslywantedtocontinuethediscussion.HiscalldraggedonandRachelreluctantlywentupthestairsintothecourthouse.
CourtwasalreadyinsessionbythetimethatRachelslippedinandmadeherwaytoherassignedseat.Shedidn’tpayanyattentiontothewitnesswhowasbeingsworninonthestanduntilshewassettledintoherusualplace.Whenshedid,shegasped.
ItwasthemanwhohadfrightenedherattheMorrison’sPointjetty.Inthebrightlightofthecourtroom,Rachelwasabletoseehimclearlyforthefirsttime.Jaggedscarsslashedacrosshischeekboneandforehead,marringwhatmighthavebeenapleasantfaceforamanhisage,whichRachelputinthemid-tolateforties.Hismusculararmsandthehintofnecktattoospeekingoutofhiscollarseemedoutofplaceagainsthisformalcourtattire.Heworeapressedsuit,awhiteshirt,andastripedtiethatlookedatadshortasithungoverhisprotrudingbelly,whichchafedagainstthetightfabricofhispolyestershirt.
“Mr.Knox,canyoutellmehowyoumetScott?”Quinnasked.
“Itwasagoodthreeyearsago,aroundthetimeImovedtoNeapolis.Iwasatthesurfbeachsouthoftownwhenafamilygotintroubleinthewater.Tourists,”thewitnesssaid,asifthatexplainedit.“Theywerepulledouttoseabycrosscurrents.Iswamin.Managedtopullonekidtoshore.Itriedtohelpthemother.Shewasfighting.Scratchedandkickedme.Wantedmetoleaveherandgetherotherkidwhowasdriftingfurtheroutandpanicking.Worstthingyoucando!IfI’dlefther,shewouldhavedrownedforsure.Ididn’tknowwhattodo.Nextthing,ateenageboyswamouttothekidthrashinginthewater.HegrabbedthekidandbroughthimtoshorewhileIhelpedthemother.”
“Istheteenagerwhorescuedthedrowningchildhereinthecourtroom?”askedQuinn.
“Yes,”saidthewitness.
“Canyoupointhimoutforthecourt,Mr.Knox?”Quinnpushed,tryingtohidehisfrustrationwithhisowncharacterwitness,whoneededtobepromptedforeverydetail.
“He’ssittingoverthere,”thewitness,whosefullname,Rachelgatheredfromwhenhewasswornin,wasVinceKnox,noddedtowardthedefensetable,lookingdirectlyatScottBlair.
“IsityourtestimonythatScottwasahero?Thathebravelyriskedhislifetosavethelifeofadrowningchild?”Quinnpromptedagain.
“…Hewonabraveryaward,soIsupposethatmakeshimahero,”Knoxsaidafteraprolongedhesitation.“Nottoomanypeoplehavethegutstorisktheirlifeforastranger.Gottogivecreditwherecredit’sdue,”headdedinaflatvoicethathardlysoundedenthusiastic.HisfaintpraiseofScott’sbraveactstruckRachelasstrange,butshesupposeditfittedinwithhisgruffmanner.
Quinnwasvisiblyannoyedbyhisownwitness’sterseanswers.He’dobviouslyhopedforafarmoreenthusiasticaccountofScottBlair’scourageousfeat,divingintotreacherousseasandriskinghislifetosaveachildfromalmostcertaindeath.Quinnwrappedupquestioningquickly.He’delicitedenoughtestimonytopaintScottBlairasahero,avirtualBoyScoutwho’dshowngreatcouragebydivingintotheseatosaveadrowningstranger.
Alkinsoptednottocross-examineVinceKnox,thoughhereservedtherighttorecallhimtothestand.RachelfiguredthatAlkinssawnoupsideinrehashingthedefensewitness’stestimonyaboutScottBlair’sbravery.
AsVinceKnoxleftcourt,Rachelleftherseatandfollowedhimoutofthecourthouse,eventhoughitmeantmissingQuinn’snextwitness.Knoxwentdownthestepsandcrossedthesouthernlawn.Racheldidso,too,holdingbacksothatnobodywouldnoticethatshewasfollowinghim.TherewassomethingaboutKnox’stestimonythatbotheredRachel,andshewantedtoaskhimafewquestionsoncehe’dleftthevicinityofthecourthouse.
Knoxturnedacorner,puttinghimoutofRachel’slineofsightasshestraggledbehindhim.Shespedupsoasnottolosehim.Whensheturnedontothestreetwherehe’ddisappeared,sheimmediatelysawhimstandingbythecurb,talkingtoamaninablackLincoln.Thecarwindowwasallthewaydown,andtheenginewasrunning.
Thetwomen’svoiceswereslightlyraised,asifarguing.ThemaninthecarpassedsomethingtoVinceKnox,whichthelatterstaredatforamomentandthenalmostreluctantlystuffedintohispocket.Theelectriccarwindowslidshutandthecardroveoff.Rachelglimpsedthedriverthroughthewindshieldglassashiscarslowedtoturnatatrafficsignnearwhereshewasstanding.
Hehadthicklightgrayhairandaneatlytrimmedbeard.Rachelhadseenhimbefore,butshecouldn’trecallexactlywhereuntilshereachedthecourthouseandrememberedthatshe’dseenhimwalkingwiththeBlairfamilyfromtheircar,acrosstheplaza,tothecourthousestairsonthefirstdayofthetrial.He’dbeeninasortofsecuritydetailtoprotectthefamilyfromprotesters.RachelwascertainthatthemanintheLincolnwasontheBlairfamily’spayroll.
WhenRachelreachedthecourtroom,theenormouspolisheddoorswerefirmlyshut.ShewasloathtoannoyJudgeShawbywalkingintocourtduringwitnesstestimonyforasecondtimethatafternoon.ShesettledherselfonabenchbyawindowoverlookingtheplazaandtextedPetetoaskhimtopullinformationonVinceKnox.ThenshereadHannah’semailagain.
42
Hannah
I’msittinghereonthejettyatMorrison’sPoint.Myfeetarehangingovertheedge.Thewaterisrough.Thewindiswild.Thelightisfading.Ican’tbelievethatit’sbeentwenty-fiveyearssinceJennydied.I’vebeenthrowingdaisiespickedfromthefieldnearwhereouroldhouseusedtobeintothewavestomarkJenny’sdeath.Shewouldhavelikedthat.
AsIlookoutatthefamiliarcoastallandscapeofmychildhood,IfindithardtobelievethatIamsittinghereonthecreakingtimberofthisoldjetty,agrownwoman,whilemybigsisterwillbeateenagerforeternity.I’vetriedtolivemylifeforbothofus.Notalwayswisely.Atrailofbrokenrelationships.I’vehadissueswithprescriptionmedication.Andalcohol.InevercameclosetofulfillingthepotentialtheysaidIhadwhenIwonfirstplaceinanationalawardforpromisingyoungartistsandwasgivenafullscholarshiptoartschoolinParis.Thereweresuchhighexpectations.
Itendtorunawayfromsuccess.It’sguilt,Ithink,ifIweretoself-diagnose.Ilivemylifeplaguedbyguilt.JennyneverhadthechancesthatI’vehadinlife.Sheneverhadthechancetoloveortobeloved,tofindherwayinthisworld.Todiscoverhertalentsandpassions.Totravel.SheneverventuredbeyondNeapolis.Ifinditimpossiblenottoblamemyselfforwhathappened.
I’vebeenfortunate.I’vehadablessedlife,thankstomyadoptivefamily.Kittyisinawheelchairnow.Herhealthisfailing.She’salwaysbeendevotedtomeeventhoughIhaven’tbeenthebestormostattentiveofdaughters.WhenKittyfirsttookmein,Iwasresentful.Shedideverythingshecouldtotrytobringmearound.
Onetime,shetookmetoseeamovie.Astheopeningcreditsflashedonthescreen,Ipushedpastherandrushedoutofthetheater.Kittyfoundmeintearsinthelobby.Noamountofcandyorpopcorncouldgetmetoreturn.
KittyassumedI’dpanickedwhenthelightsweredimmed.Thenextday,sheboughtmeanight-light.Shetoldmethatlotsofchildrenwereafraidofthedark.Ipretendedtobegrateful.Ididn’ttellherthatmyterrorhadnothingtodowiththedark.Ididn’ttellherwhathappenedwhenI’dlastbeeninamovietheater.
MomhadaskedJennytotakemetothemoviesonhernextdayofffromwork.Itwassupposedtobeaspecialtreattomakeupforthelong,boringdaysthatI’dspentalonewhileMomrestedandJennyworkedatthesupermarket.Wetookthelunchtimebusintotown.WewenttothedrugstorefirsttogetMom’sprescriptions,andthenwalkedtwostreetsovertothetheatertopurchaseourtickets.
TheNeapolismovietheaterhadold-fashionedupholsteredchairsandaburgundycarpetcoveredwithsodastainssodeepthey’dbecomepartofthepattern.Therewasatraditionalwood-polishedboxofficeandaglass-casedsnackbarinthelobby.Inthetheateritselfwasavelvetbrocadecurtainwithgoldthreadthatopenedtorevealthemoviescreenatthestartoftheshow.
Jennygavemeourticketstubsandtoldmetostandinlinebythedoorswhilesheboughtpopcorn.Iwasshiftingfromonefoottotheother,restlesslywaitingforhertojoinme,whenIheardacommotion.Everyoneturnedtolook.AgirlwithlonghairfromJenny’sschoolwasstandingnexttothecounter,callingJennyhorriblenames.
“Takeitback,”shoutedJenny.Thegirlshookherhead.“Isaid,takeitback!”
“Don’ttellmewhattodo.Slut.”ThegirlshovedJenny,makingherpopcornspillacrossthefloorlikeconfetti.Jennywalkedbacktome,holdingthehalf-emptyboxofpopcornunderherarm.Herfacewasscarlet.Herlipstrembled.Everyonewasstaring.Whispering.Jennykeptherheadupandhereyesstraightaheaduntilanushershowedustoourseats.Whenthelightsdimmed,shewipedhereyeswiththebackofherhand.
Whenthelightsdimmed,Jennywipedhereyeswiththebackofherhand.Astheopeningcreditsappearedonthescreen,somethingsofthitmeintheface.Itwaspopcorn.Prettysoonwewerebeingpeltedbyacombinationofpopcornandiceshardsfromsodacups.Othersjoinedinuntilitfeltasifwewerebeingattackedfromalldirections.
“Stop,”Icalledout.Jennytriedtoshushme.“Don’tsayanything.Otherwiseit’llgetworse,”shesaid.Iwasovercomewithanger—atthekidstauntingus,butmostlyIwasangryatJennyforbeingsopassive,forallowingustobetreatedthisway.
“Let’sgo,”Jennysaideventually,whensomeonebeganchanting,“Slut,slut.”Shetuggedatmyarmuntilshewaspracticallydraggingmeoutofthetheaterandontothestreet.
Oncewewereonthebushome,werealizedthatwe’dleftthedrugstorebagwithMom’smedicationsonthefloorbyourseats.Jennyhadtobuythemalloveragainthenextday.
Jennywentstraightintothebathroomwhenwegothome.Whensheemerged,herbeautifullonggoldenhairhadbeenchoppedunevenlytohershoulders.Later,IfoundclumpsofJenny’shairinthebathroomtrash,allstucktogetherwithpinkgum.Aboysittingbehindheratthemovieshadputguminherhair.
Afterthattriptothemovies,Jennyretreatedintoherself.Momnoticed.SheaskedifIknewwhatwasworryingJenny.Isaidthatshewasprobablyboredlikemeandwantedtogetbacktoschool.
IsupposeIcouldhavetoldMomabouthowwe’dfledthetheateraskidspeltedus,andabouttheterriblenamestheyused.Icouldn’tbeartodoit.JennyandIdidn’ttalkaboutthatafternoonatall.Itwasalmostasifwe’dmadeasilentpactnevertodiscussit.
Jennyreturnedtoherroutineofworkingandcominghomeintheeveningtomakedinner,washheruniform,andleaveittodryontheporchovernight.Shewouldgotosleepwhileitwaslight,withtheexcusethatshehadtowakeearlyforwork.Ireturnedtoridingmybicycleonthegravelroadinfrontofourhouse.Backwardandforward.Thedistanthazeoftheseabeckoned.
Thewomanwiththeblow-driedhairandchurchdresscametoourhouseagain.Thistime,shecamewithanotherwomanwhowasplumpandcarriedanurse’sbag.
Momwasexpectingthem.ShetoldmethatvisitorswouldbestoppingbyafterlunchandwhentheyarrivedIshouldplayoutside.WhenIheardaknockonthescreendoor,Iletthemintothelivingroom,whereMomwaswaitinginanarmchair,wearingacolorfulsundress.She’devendonehernails.Despiteallhereffortstolookwell,thebrightlypatterneddressaccentuatedherskeletalarmsandsunkenchestandmadeherlooksickerthanever.
IlookedthroughawindowintothelivingroomasthenursetookMom’sbloodpressureandlistenedtoherchestwithastethoscopebeforetakingbloodsampleswithasyringe.Whenshewasdone,theotherwomanpassedMomdocuments.Momleanedoverandsignedthemwithweteyes.
Afterthey’dgone,Momwassoexhaustedthatshefellasleepontopofherbed.IputatartanblanketoverherandwenttowaitforJenny’sbusonthemainroadattheothersideofthehillfromourhouse.
IwasalwaysexcitedtoseewhatJennyhadbroughthomefromwork.Thestoremanageroftengaveherleftoverdelimeatclosetoexpirationandfruitandvegetablesthatwereabouttospoil.HeknewhowsickMomwasandIguessfeltanobligationtohelpusout.
TokeepmyselfamusedwhileIwaitedforJenny’sbustopullin,Iwalkedalongthewhitelineontheshoulderoftheroad,pretendingIwasagymnastonabalancebeam.Downthehill,Isawthebusthunderingtowardmefromadistance.Itpulledtoastopnearthebusstopsign.Thehydraulicdoorsopenedwithahiss.Jennysteppedoutinhertansupermarketuniform,carryingtwolargegrocerybags.
Wewalkedinsilencetothesoundofrustlinggrassandtheoccasionalwhineofacarenginepassingby.Meinfront,Jenny,afewyardsbehind.Wedidn’ttalk.Inthespaceofafewshortweeks,Jennyhadbecomeintrovertedandbrooding.
IpickedupalongstickandscrapeditonthedirtpathbehindmeasIwalked.Whenthepathveeredawayfromtheroadaroundaclumpoftrees,Ifollowedit.MyfeetkickedupdustandmyeyesweredowncastasIfocusedondrawinganunbrokenlinewiththestick.Thetreesblockedtheroadfromviewandactedasabufferfromthenoiseofpassingcars.
Thepatheventuallycurvedbacktotheroadafterthetrees.Eventually,IrealizedthatIhadn’theardJenny’sfootstepsortherustleofshoppingbagsforawhile.IassumedIwaswalkingtoofastandJennyhadfallenbehind.Istoppedandwaited.WhenJennystilldidn’tappear,Icalledtoher.
“Jenny?”
Noresponse.
“Jenny?Whereareyou?”Icalledout.Shedidn’temergefromthepath.
“Hurryup,Jenny!”Iwasannoyedshewastakingsolong.
“Jenny?”
Ihuffedinfrustrationatthesilencethatfollowed.Iranbackalongthepath.WhenIfoundnotraceofmysister,Iwalkedintotheroadtolookforher.Therewasnosignofherwalkingalongtheroadoneitherside.AllIsawwasaredapplethathadrolledontotheasphalt.
Ipickeduptheapple.That’swhenIsawJenny’sshoppingbagslyinginthelonggrassbythesideoftheroad.Onebaghadtippedover.Loosefruithadspilledontotheground.Theotherbagwasupright.TherewasnosignofJenny.Shewasgone.Iranuphill,pushinglongstrandsofgrassoutofmywayuntilIreachedthetop.
Puffingloudlyfromrunning,mylungsburning,Istoppedatthepinnacleandscannedthelandscapebelow.Ididn’tseeJenny.ButIdidseeafamiliarpickuptruckdrivingslowlydownanunpavedroadleadingtothemouthoftheforest.Irandowntheothersideofthehillinthedirectionofthetruck.Icrossedtheroadandfolloweditintotheforest.
Imovedoffthedirtroad,walkingamongthetreesintothedarknessasthefoliagebecamedenser.Idartedaroundtreetrunksandbentunderunrulybranchesthatscratchedmyarms.Deepintheforest,Isawthepickup.Ithadbeenparkedhastilyonthesideoftheroad.Acanvascoverlayinaheaponthebackofthetruckalongsideahalf-emptyboxofbeer.Iheardvoicesandlaughtercomingfromaclearing.Cruellaughter.AsImovedcloser,IsawaboylyingontopofJennywhiletwoothersstoodbyandwatched.Jeering.
Iwasfilledwithrage.IinstinctivelypickeduparocktochargeattheboywhowashurtingJenny.Iracedtowardhim,therockraisedinmyrighthand.BeforeIreachedtheclearing,ahandslappedontomyfacelikeasuctioncup.Icouldn’tscreamorsayawordasIwasliftedofftheground.MyfeethungintheairasIwascarriedthroughtheforest,restrainedbypowerfularms.Mysandalsslippedoff.Itriedtokickandstrugglefree.Itwasimpossible.Hisgripwascrushing.
43
Rachel
Rachelranagainstalava-lampskyofnavycutwithorange.Dawnhadbrokenbythetimeshe’dreachedtheMorrison’sPointjetty.Herbreathingwaslaboredassheleanedovertherailsandlookedintothedark,impenetrablewater.
LonggonewerethewildflowersthatHannahhadscatteredinthewavesafewdaysearliertocommemoratehersister’sdeath.ThathadbeenthelastmessagethatRachelhadreceivedfromher.PetewascheckingthepodcastinboxseveraltimesadayincaseHannahreachedoutagain.Therehadbeenplentyofmailfromfansanddetractorsalike.NothingfromHannah.RachelhadrepeatedlycalledthephonenumberforHannahthatKittyhadgivenher,butitwenttoanautomatedvoicemaileachtime.She’dleftseveralvoicemessagesforHannah,butshehadn’treceivedanyresponse.
Itmaytaketimeformetogetyouthelastletter.Ikeepstartingitandstopping,Hannahhadwrittenattheendoftheemail.ItwilltakeallmystrengthtoputintowordswhathappenedtoJennythatnight.MaybeIshouldn’ttellyou.MaybeIshouldleavethepastalone.Letitdiewithme.
Hannah’slastwordsleftRacheldeeplyworried.HannahhadintimatedafewtimesinhercorrespondencetoRachelthatshe’dcontemplateddeath.RachelwishedtherewasawayforhertoreachouttoHannah.Toreassureher.Togetherhelpifsheneededit.ButRachelcouldn’thelpsomeonewhowassodeterminedtostayoutofreach.ItwasalmostasifHannahwantedtokeepRachelatarm’slength.Itwas,Rachelthoughtasshewatchedthepinkdawndrainfromthesky,asifshewasapawninagame,therulesofwhichonlyHannahknew.
PetehadcalledRachellatethepreviousnighttosharetheresultsofthebackgroundcheckhe’drunonVinceKnox.“Fouryearsago,amanbythenameofVinceKnoxdiedofaheartattackinprison,”Petetoldher.Rachelhadbeendriftingtosleepwhenhecalled,hisvoicefilledwithenoughurgencytoimmediatelywakeher.“ThecharacterwitnesswhotestifiedaboutScottBlairsavingthatdrowningboycan’tpossiblybeVinceKnox,Rach.Foronething,allrecordsofhisexistencedatebacktoexactlyaweektothedayaftertheVinceKnoxImentioneddiedinprison.IbelievethecharacterwitnesstookthenameVinceKnoxaftertherealVinceKnoxdied,buthewasn’tbornwiththatname.He’sactuallysomeoneelse.Thequestioniswho?”
“MaybeIshouldaskhim,”saidRachel.“Doyouhaveanaddressforhim?”
“Nofixedaddress.He’savagrant.Apparently,hesometimessleepsonthebeachessouthoftowninthesummer.”
“That’sabigarea,”saidRachel,yawning.“Therearealotofbeachessouthoftown.”
“Ifithelps,IjustgotoffthephonewithacharityworkerwhoworkswiththepoorinNeapolisandshesaidthathe’sbeenknowntosleepinaboatshednearthemarinereserve,”saidPete.
RachelknewthebeachPetewasreferringto.Rightnexttothenationalparkwasashelteredbeachwitharowofboatshedsandaramp.Onthemap,itwascalledAnderson’sBeach.ButRachelknewitinanothercontext.ItwasthebeachwhereScottBlairhadtakenKellyMooreforpizzaandthenallegedlyrapedher.
AfterRachelfinishedthecallwithPete,shesetheralarmtowakeherbeforedawn.ShewantedtorunalongthebeachsouthofMorrison’sPointincaseshestumbledacrossVinceKnoxsleepingroughinoneofhisusualhaunts.
Aftercatchingherbreathonthejetty,Rachelcontinuedrunningsouthtothenationalmarinepark,dartingoverclumpsofglisteningseaweedthathadlitteredthebeachesovernight.Whenshecamearoundthelastpeninsula,shesawarowofboatshedsinthedistance,paintedinfadedpastelhues.Fromacrossthebeach,Rachelheardarepeatedbangingnoise.Itwascomingfromaboat-sheddoor,whichwasslammingopenandclosedinthewind.Sheranacrossthesandtotheshedtoclosethedoor.Otherwiseitwouldtearoffitshingesfromtherepeatedbanging.
Assheapproached,thedoorblewwideopeninafreshgust,givingRachelaclearviewinside.Therewasanoldfiberglassboatwithanoutboardmotor.Men’sworkclotheshungoffnailsbangedintothetimber.Ontheconcretefloorwasamakeshiftbedandapileofblankets.Onthewalls,newspaperclippingsflutteredintheearlymorningbreeze.
Rachelsteppedintotheboatshed,hereyesdrawntothewalldecoratedwiththenewspaperclippings.ShewasshockedtoseetheywereallabouttheScottBlaircase.They’dbeencarefullytornoutandhammeredintothetimberwallswithrustynails.Therewereblack-and-whitephotosofScottBlaircomingintocourt,andphotosofMitchAlkinsandDaleQuinnwalkingdownthecourthousestairs,theirexpressionsblank.
AnarticleaboutKellyMoore’stestimonywaspinnedprominentlyonthewall.Sectionsoftextwerecircledwithaballpointpen.AsRachelmovedclosertoreadthetextinthedimlight,thedoorbangedshutbehindher.ItcasttheroominanopaqueblacknessthatmadeitimpossibleforRacheltosee.
Rachelinstinctivelymovedblindlyinthedirectionofthedoor,shovingithardwithhershoulder.Thedoorswungopenviolently.Racheltrippedandstumbledoutintothebrightglareofmorningandstraightintothenakedchestofaman.
Therightsideofhisbaretorsowashorriblydisfiguredwithsevereburnscars,puckeredandpatchedbyskingrafts.Thepartsofhischestunmarredbyscarswerecoveredwithtattoos.Rachelrecognizedoneasahomemadeganglandprisontattoo.Sheraisedherheadtolookatthestranger’sface.VinceKnox’seyeswerenarrowandtheyburnedwithrage.
“Whatareyoudoingsneakingaroundhere?”herasped.HislipliftedinahalfsnarlasRachelmovedbackinsurprise.
Helurchedtowardherasiftoscareher.Itinstinctivelymadeherwanttostepbacktoputspacebetweenthem,butsheresistedtheurge.Ifshesteppedbackthenhe’dbeabletocorralherintotheboatshedandlockherin.Racheltookasteptotheside,whichatleastofferedthepossibilityofoutrunninghimacrossthesanddunes.
ExceptRacheldidn’trun.Shedidn’tneedto.He’dturnedhisattentionawayfromherandbentdowntocaressaquiveringseagull,whichwasbundledupinaplaidshirtnearhisfeet.HisgentletouchandthedeepconcernthatcreasedhisfaceashetendedtothebirdwasasharpdeparturefromhisangertowardRachelamomentearlier.
“Ididn’tknowthatsomeonelivedhere,”Rachelsaid,bywayofanapology.Shefiguredthattheonlywaytodefusethesituationwastoactnormal.“Ithoughttheboatshedlockhadbrokenoff.”
“IleftthedoorunlockedwhenIwentforaswim.”Herose,loomingoverRacheltointimidateheragain.Sheheldherground.“Whatareyoudoinghere?You’renotacop,areyou?”hehissed.“Ihatecops.”
“I’mareportercoveringthetrial.IsawyoutestifyforScottBlair.Youdidn’tlooklikeyouwereenjoyingit.Afteryouleftcourt,IsawyoutalkingtosomeguywhoworksforGregBlair.DidGregBlairbuyyourtestimony,Mr.Knox?”
“No,”hesaid.“EverythingIsaidincourtwastrue.ScottBlairsavedthatkid’slifethatday.Swamoutandpulledhimin.That’stheGod’shonesttruth.”
“Thenwhat’stheconnectionbetweenyouandGregBlair?”Rachelasked.
“It’snoneofyourgoddamnbusiness,”heroared.Realizingthathe’dstartledthebird,hebentdownagaintosoothethefrightenedcreatureinahushedvoice.
“Maybeit’snotmybusiness,”saidRachel.“Itisthebusinessoftheprosecutor,MitchAlkins.Hemightbeveryinterested,especiallyifGregBlairpaidforyourtestimony.”
“EverywordthatIsaidwastrue.Thattrial,itain’tgotnothingtodowithme,”VinceKnoxsaid.“Idon’thavetimeforyourdumbquestions.Ineedtoputasplintonthisbird’swingbeforeshegoesintoshock.”Hemovedintotheboatshedandreturnedamomentlaterwithaboxofbandages.Hesquatteddownandexpertlyrepairedtheinjuredbird’swingwithacrudesplintandbandagesasRachelwatched.
“Howlonghaveyoubeenlivinghere?”Rachelaskedafewminuteslaterashecutupscrapsoffreshfishwithapocketknifewhichhefedtotheinjuredgull,nowswathedinbandages.
“Istaysometimesinthesummer.Getpaidtokeepaneyeontheboats.There’sashowerandtoilets.AcoinbarbecuesoIcancook.That’sallIneed.”
“Wheredoyouliveinthewinter?”
“Igetby,”hesaid.“IfImakeenoughmoneyinthesummerthenIrentaroom.MostlyImindmyownbusiness.Youshouldtryitsometime.”
Rachelflushed.Hewasright.Shehadnorighttobargeintothisman’slifewithherquestions.
“TellmeabouthowyouknowGregBlairandI’llgo,”shesaid.
“IknewGregonce,”hesaid.“Herememberedme.AskedmetotestifyforhissonaboutthattimeIsawhimsavethatkidfromdrowning.SaidifIdidn’tthenhe’dremindpeopleofsomethingthatIdidalongtimeago.AllIwantisaquietlife,soIagreed.Didn’tsayanythingthatwasn’ttrueincourt.Imadesureofit.”
“Ihadthefeelingthatyouknowmorethanyousaidincourt.Thatyouwereholdingbackonsomething,”Rachelsaidsoftly.
“Whatmakesyouthinkthat?”Hestaredatherwithanexpressionthatshecouldn’tdecipher.
“Instinct,”shesaid.
“Yourinstinctsarewrong,”hesnapped.
“Howdidyougetyourinjuries?”Rachelaskedasheputonhisplaidshirtandbuttonedituptocoverthepuckeredburnscarsonhischest.
“Knifefight,”hesaid,pointingtothescarsthatslashedthesideofhisface.
“Whatabouttheburns?Theylookprettybad.”
“They’refromachildhoodaccident.HaveIsatisfiedyourcuriositynow?”heasked.“Imightnotlooklikemuch.AndImightnothavemuch.Buttherearealotmoredangerouspeoplethanmeinthistown.Theywearsuitsandlookrespectable,butthereain’tnothingrespectableaboutthethingsthey’rewillingdotogetwhattheywant.Nothing.”
Rachelthoughtabouthisremarkassheranacrossthebeachbacktowardtown.Wispsofcloudsmarredtheotherwiseperfectskyasshejoggedtowardherhotelinthefardistance.ItwasFriday,thelastcourtsessionbeforetheweekend.Rachel’sgutfeelingtoldherthatitwouldbeadramaticone.
Allweek,courthadstartedthesameway.JudgeShawaskedMitchAlkinsifKellyMoorewasreturningtothestand.AlkinstoldthejudgethatKelly’spsychiatristsaidshewasn’tquiteready.Thatsheneededalittlemoretime.Alkinshadboughttimeallweekwiththatresponse.Hewouldn’tgetawaywithitformuchlonger.DaleQuinnwasrunningoutofwitnessesandJudgeShawwasrunningoutofpatience.
44
GuiltyorNotGuilty
Season3,Episode10:Cross-examination
Tempersareshortincourtaswegettothebusinessendofthetrial.There’sbeennomorebanteraboutwhatthejurorsateforlunch.Themoodistootense.JudgeShawisonedge.Histongueispureacid.I’veheardpeoplesaytheyhaven’tseenhimthisacerbicsincehewaslastreversedbyanappealscourtsevenyearsago.
Thejuryisshowingsignsofexhaustion.Toomanylongdaysofhearingtestimonythatiscomplexandoftentimesharrowing.Itgetstoapersonafterawhile,tryingtofigureoutwhotobelieve.
Todaythejuryheardtheforensicexpertforthedefensegivehistestimony.ProfessorCarlBraunearnedanestimatedthirtythousanddollarstotearaparttheprosecution’sforensiccasewithsurgicalprecision.HesaidtherewaszeroevidencethatindicatedKwassexuallyassaulted.Zero.Thatisreasonabledoubtrightthere.Ifthejurybelieveshim,thatis
RememberDr.WendyNorth.Shewastheexpertwitnessfortheprosecution.She’sconsideredoneoftheleadingforensicsexualassaultexpertsinthecountry.
ProfessorBrauncontradictedallherfindingswithacertaintythatIfoundstaggering.TheHarvardacademicwhohasn’tbeeninclinicalpracticefordecadessaidrepeatedlyonthestandthattherewasnoindicationofsexualassault.Justsignsofroughsex.Twoclumsyteenagersrollinginthehay.That’sthewaythathetriedtomakeitsound.
ProfessorBraunisatallman.Sixfoottwo,I’dsay,ataguess.Hehaswirysteel-coloredhair.Hewearsrimlessreadingglassesandtucksahandkerchiefinhisjacketpocket.He’sold-school.Hetalksinadeepbaritonethatresonateswithagodlikeauthority.Thisisamanwhohasnodoubts.Atleastnotabouthisopinions.Sure,thejurorslikedDr.North.ButProfessorBraunisinaleagueofhisownwhenitcomestoconfidence.
Theprosecution’sforensiccasehadbeenstrong,untilBraunrippeditapart.Ican’tsaywhetherhispointshadanybasistothem.Totellyouthetruth,attimesitsoundedtomelikedoublespeak.Butitwasdoublespeakdeliveredwithanarrogantassurancethatwouldbehardforajurytodismiss.WemaynothaveseenthelastofProfessorBraun.HemayberecalledtothestandafterKtestifies,presumablytounderminewhatevershesaysduringcross-examinationfromaforensicspointofview.
Regardless,thereisnodoubtthatBraun’stestimonychangedthestakes.Thedefensehasthrownagooddoseofreasonabledoubtoneveryaspectoftheprosecution’scase.Braun’stestimonyhasseverelydamagedtheprosecution’sforensicevidence.Nowmorethanever,Kneedstoreturntothestand.
Todayincourt,DaleQuinnaskedJudgeShawtosetadeadline.Hesaiditcan’tdragoutmuchlonger.Herearehisexactwords:“Everydaythatpasseswithoutmebeingabletotestthecomplainant’sevidencethroughcross-examinationhurtsmyclient’schancesofafairtrial.Herunchallengedtestimonygetsfurtherembeddedinthejury’sminds.Ibelievethedefensehasbeenpatient,butweneedadate.Whenwillshetestify?”
JudgeShawfidgetedwithhisreadingglasses,evidentlyjustasperturbedbythedelay.“Thisisasexualassaultcase.Ihavesomelatitudetogivethecomplainanttime.However,”hesaid,turningtowardAlkins,“thecourt’spatienceinthismatterisnotendless.”
“Sheisayounggirlgoingthroughaverybadtime,”saidAlkins.“Iurgethecourttobesympatheticandpatient.Weareveryclose.”
Quinn’schairscrapedthefloorashepusheditbackandrosetohisfeet.“Icouldn’tbemoresympatheticaboutthecomplainant’semotionaltroubles,”hesaid.“Butitcan’tbeatthedetrimentofmyclient’srightsunderthelaw.Ourinabilitytocross-examineherseverelydamagesmyclient’sconstitutionalrighttoafairtrial.Icancitedozensofcases.”
JudgeShawleanedforwardinhisseatandsnappedintothemicrophone,“IamawareoftheConstitution,Counselor,andtherelevantcaselaw.”
JudgeShaw’seyesflashedwithangerathisbeingputinsuchanawkwardposition.HeturnedtoAlkinsandtoldhiminnouncertaintermsthatheexpectedKtobeincourtonMonday,readytotestify.HesaidtheupcomingweekendshouldgiveK’sparentsanddoctorsenoughtimetogetherreadyforthestand.
JudgeShawdidn’tsaywhatwouldhappenifKwasn’tonthestandonMonday,butitdoesn’ttakearocketscientisttofigureitout.If,byMondaymorning,Kisn’tincourttestifying,thenScottBlairwilllikelywalkfree.Whetherhecanrebuildhisreputationandrelaunchhischampionswimmingcareerisadifferentmatter.Butfreedomheshallhave.
I’vebeenwatchingMitchAlkinscloselythroughoutthistrial.Hekeepshiscool.Henevershowshisemotions.Buttodayincourt,helookedasifheknewthathiscasehungbyatenuousthread.
Inhisonlystatementstothemedia,whenScottBlairwasfirstcharged,MitchAlkinssaidthiscasewasanimportantsteptowardshowingwomenthattheirrighttosaynoisinviolable.
WhatmessagewillitsendifScottBlairisacquitted?ItriedtoaskMitchAlkinsthatquestioninthehalloutsidethecourtroomaftertoday’ssession.Ididn’tgetananswer.Hepushedpastmeandheadedtohisoffice,whereIhearhisteamisincrisismode.Thecaseseemstobeslippingawayfromhim.
IdrovepastK’shousetoday.Theblindsweredown.Therewasabigsignonthelawntellingpeopleitwasprivatepropertyandaskingthemtostayaway.ItisheartbreakingtothinkaboutwhatKandherfamilyaregoingthroughasshedecideswhethershehasthestrengthtoendureagruelingcross-examinationbyDaleQuinn.Herparentswouldbewellawareoftheterribleimplicationsofherdecision.Putsimply,ifKdoesn’ttakethestand,thenthetrialisoverandScottBlairwins.
ThisisRachelKrallforGuiltyorNotGuilty,thepodcastthatputsyouinthejurybox.
45
Rachel
Rachelgaveherbreakfastordertothewaitresswithoutlookingatthemenu.She’dbeenstayingatthehotellongenoughtoknowtheoptionsbyheart.ShedrankamugofcoffeewhilereadingtheSaturdayeditionoftheNeapolisGazette,whichshe’dtakenfromanewspaperrackinthelobby.
ThefrontpagefeaturedanenormousphotographofScottBlairbeinghauledoutoftheOlympic-sizedswimmingpoolonthedaythathewasarrested.Hismusculararmswerecuffedbehindhisback.Heworehisstars-and-stripesSpeedoandamatchingswimmingcap.Dropsofwaterrandownhisskin.
Theheadlinesaid:“BlairTrialMayEndonMonday.”Racheldidn’thavetoreadthearticletoknowitspoint.WithoutKelly’stestimony,Scottwouldbefree
“Goodmorning,Rachel.”
DetectiveCooper’sblondstubblelookeddarkerintheatmosphericlightingofthehotelcafe.HewaswearingjeansandaT-shirtwithasportsjacketzippedoverit.HesatoppositeRachelwithoutasking,justasthewaitressarrivedwithherglassoforangejuiceandacaibowl.
“I’msurprisedtoseeyouhere,”saidRachel.“ScottBlairisabouttogetoff.Surely,theentirepolicedepartmentisoutlookingforevidencetosavetheday.”
“Itonlyworksthatwayontelevision.Thesex-crimesunitinvestigatedthiscaseformonthsandtheyalreadyhandedoverwhateverevidencetheycouldfind.ThecaserestsonKellyMoore.”
“Itshouldn’thavetorestonwhetherateenagegirlwillallowherselftobetraumatizedandhumiliatedagainonthestand,”Rachelargued.
“Unfortunately,”saidDetectiveCoopersoftly,“that’showthesystemworks.”Hecalledoverawaitressandgavehisorderofeggs,overeasy,onwhole-wheattoastwithacoffee.
“MitchAlkinswouldliketomeetyou,”hesaidwhenthewaitresshadgone.
“Sohesentyoutobringmetohim?”
“HeknowsthatonSaturdaymorningsI’moutearlycheckingmyboat,whichisdockedinthemarinarightacrosstheroadfromyourhotel.HeaskedmelastnightifI’dstopbyandseeifyou’restillinterestedintalkingtohim.”
“HowdoesMitchAlkinsknowsomuchaboutyourweekendsailingroutine?”Rachelasked,hereyesfocusedonhisasshetookanothersipofcoffee.
“Beforethistownbecameaglorifiedretirementvillage,itwassmallenoughthatjustabouteveryonekneweveryone.Asithappens,Mitchisalsomycousin,”hesaid.“Andhe’salateriser.I’llcheckifhe’sreadytoseeyou.Thatis,ifyou’reokaytomeethim?”
Rachelnodded.She’dbeenwantingtotalktoMitchAlkinsfordays.Shewashardlygoingtopassuptheopportunity.
WhileDetectiveCooperatehisbreakfast,RachelcheckedherphoneformessagesfromPete.Hetextedhertosaytherewereovereighthundredemailsinthepodcastinboxfollowingthelatestepisode.IftherewasanymessagefromHannah,he’dletherknowstraightaway,buthewarnedthatitwouldtaketimeforhimtotrawlthroughthemall.
Cooper’sphonebeepedasthewaitressclearedawaythedishes.Hereadthetext,lookingupatRachelcryptically.
“Mitchisupearlyafterall,”hesaid.“Hesaysweshouldcomenow.Mycarisparkedacrosstheroadatthemarina.I’lldriveyouthere.”
TheydrovethroughthelightSaturdaymorningtraffic.DetectiveCooper’sleftelbowrestedcasuallyonhisopenwindow.Hisgoldenhairwastousledbythewind.Rachelcouldseetheshadowofaguninashoulderholsterinsidehisgapingjacket.
“IthoughtAlkinswouldbeathisoffice,”saidRachelinsurprisewhenshenoticedtheyweredrivingoutofthecitylimitsandintoaruralareatothenorthofNeapolis.
“Didn’tImentionthathe’sworkingfromhishome?”saidDetectiveCooper.Hisvoicewasstrangelycontemplative.“It’snotmuchfurther.”
TheydrovepastastripofluxuryhomesonthegatedestatewheretheBlairfamilyhomewaslocatedinitsowncompound.Therewasextrasecuritydetailattheentrance.RachelpresumeditwastokeepawaytheprotesterswhojeeredatScottBlaireverydaywhenhecameintocourt.
DetectiveCooperveeredoffthemainroadfivemileslater.Heturneddownanarrowroadfilledwithpotholesthatraninlandaroundapeninsula.Atonepoint,theroadcamecloseenoughtothecliffthatRachelcouldseewavescrashingagainstbouldersintheoceanastheydroveby.Theareawaswildanduninhabited.Itwashardtoimagineanyonelivingthere—letaloneMitchAlkins.Rachelshifteduncomfortablyinherseat.Sheeyedherdoor.Itwaslocked.Thewindowwasshut,too.Itwasalloperatedbythecentrallockingsystemonthedriver’scontrolpanel.
Rachelbecameevenmoreunsettledafewmileslaterastheytooktherightforkofagravelroadthatcutthroughadenseforestedarea.Thebumpyroadwassonarrowthatbushesbrushedagainstthecar.TheroadfinallywidenedtorevealaJeepparkedinasmallclearing.
“Wherearewe?”Rachelaskedhesitantlyassheclimbedoutofthecarintothesilentsolitarinessoftheremotescrub.
“Followme,”DetectiveCoopersaid,leadingherdownacrudepathhewnbetweenovergrownbushes.Rachelswallowedhard,tryingnottoshowhowvulnerableshefeltbeingtakentosuchanunexpectedlyisolatedplace.Asshewalkedthroughthebrush,shethoughttoherselfthatitfeltlikeaplacewheretheMafiawouldtakesomeonetoexecutethemanddumpthebodyinashallowgrave.Rachelstoppedwalkingthemomentshesawtheviewbetweenthegapinthetrees.
Belowthemwasabreathtakingbeachinitsowncove.Overlookingitwasahousemadeoftimberandmirroredglassthatreflecteditssurroundingsofoceanandforest.
“That’sMitch’shouse,”saidDetectiveCooper.Hewalkeddowntheslopingpathwaytowardthehouseperchedontheedgeofacliff.Rachelfollowedbehind.
MitchAlkinswasstandingbythesteelrailsonthebalcony,lookingouttosea.Heworejeansandanavybutton-downshirtthatflappedinthewind.
“I’mnotsupposedtotalkwithjournalistsaboutthetrial,”AlkinstoldRachelwhenshereachedhim.“ThelastthingIneedistobeaccusedofcolludingwithaninfluentialpodcaster.SoI’mnottalkingwithyou.Thisconversationisn’thappening.Doyouunderstand?”
“Absolutely,”shesaid,turningaroundtolookforDetectiveCooper.Throughtheenormousglasswindowsofthehouse,shecouldseehimwalkingthroughtheminimalistlivingroomdownafloatingstaircaseuntilhedisappearedoutofsight
“You’vebeentryingtotalktomefordays.Whatdidyouwanttodiscuss?”Alkinsasked,hiseyesfixedoutontheblueexpanseofsea.
“JennyStills.Doyourememberher?”
“OfcourseIrememberher,”hesaid.“Jennywasmyfirstcrush.”
“Howoldwereyouthen?”sheasked.
“Imusthavebeenaroundfourteen,fifteen.Jennywastwoyearsbelowmeatschool.Ispentwhatfeltlikeyearstryingtopluckupthecouragetotalkwithher.EventuallyIdid.Webecamefriendly.Sometimeswe’dhangouttogetheratthebeach.Istilldidn’thavethecouragetoaskherout,though.”
“WhathappenedtoJennythesummershedied?”Rachelasked.
ShefoundherselfstaringatherownreflectioninthelensesofAlkins’ssunglassesasheturnedawayfromtheviewtofaceher.Helookedangryatherimpertinence,buttherewasanotheremotiononhisface.Rachel’sthroattightenedinfearasitdawnedonherthatitwasguilt.
“Iknowthatyouleaveflowersforhereveryyear.Askinghertoforgiveyou,”Rachelsaid.“WhatterriblethingdidyoudoallthoseyearsagothatyouwantJennytoforgive?”
“You’reaskingifIkilledJenny?”
Rachelswallowedhardandnodded.MitchAlkinswasaformidablemanatthebestoftimes.Amanwhowasneverlostforwords.HisstormyexpressiontoldRachelthatshehadonehellofanerveinterrogatinghim.Yethesaidnothingasheturnedawayandstaredouttosea.
“DidyouhurtJennyStills?”Rachelprompted.
“Theanswerisyes,”headmittedfinally.“IdidhurtJenny.”
Rachel’sheartpoundedassherealizedthatshewasinperilousterritory.Shelookeddownattheprecipice,moreawarethaneverbeforeofthesteepdropfromthebalconywhereshestoodtothebottomofthecliff.
“WehadthebeginningofsomethingbeautifulandIdestroyeditwithmystupidity.Iheardrumorsthatshewassleepingaround.Thatshe’dsleepwithanyboywhoaskedher.SoIfiguredI’dtrymyluck.Itwasn’trape.Itdidn’tgetthatfar.ButIthinkmyone-trackmindthatnightdevastatedher,nevertheless.Doesthatansweryourquestion?”
Rachelnodded.Hermouthwasdry.“You’retheboythatshemetatthebeachthatsummer.Youtookheroutonadate.Pizza,Ithink.”
“Yes,”hesaid.“Howdoyouknowaboutthat?”
“Hannah,hersister,wroteaboutitinaletterthatshesentme.Shedidn’tknowyourname,butsheclearlyrememberedthenightyoucametotakeJennyonadate.ShesaysyoubroughtabunchofwildflowerstogiveJenny,butyouwereembarrassedanddroppedtheflowersonthegroundbeforeyouwentinside.”
“IwasstupidandselfishandsoinfluencedbyrumorsandmyownhormonesthatIdidn’trealizeIwasdestroyingsomethingprecious.MaybeIbrokeJenny’sheartthatnight.ButIneverhurtherphysically.”
“Sowhodidit?”Rachelasked.“WhokilledJennyStills?”
“Theysaidshedrownedherself,”saidAlkins.
“Doyoureallybelievethat?”
“Therewasnoreasontodoubtit.Anyway,Iwasn’therewhenshedied.IwassodisgustedwithmyselfandthewaythatI’dtreatedJennythatIwenttostaywithmygranddadupnorthbeforestartingcollege,”hesaid.“WhyareyousointerestedinJennyStills?Thatwasalifetimeago.”
“IthinkthatJennywasmurdered,”saidRachel.“AndImayhavesomeevidence.Ineedyourhelp.IneedacopyofJenny’sautopsyreportandI’dliketospeaktothecopswhohandledtheinvestigation.Idon’thaveaccesstothatinformation.Youdo.”
“I’llmakesomecallsandgetyouwhateverinformationyouneed,”hesaid.“Ifit’struethatJennyStillswaskilledthenI’llreopenthecase.Iletherdownonce.Iwon’tdoitagain.”
Onthebeachbelow,DetectiveCooperwasscramblingoverrocksashewalkedtoashortpierwhereamotorboatwastethered.Hejumpedintotheboat,releasedtheropes,andturnedontheengine.Theywatchedinsilenceashesteeredtheboatintothesea,bouncingsohighoffincomingwavesthatitlookedasifhemightgetairborne.
“Thecoasthereisdeceptive,”Alkinsmurmuredashewatchedthemotorboatcuttingthroughthewater.“Oneminute,itlooksplacid.Thenext,astormsweepsin.Peopledieinthewateraroundhereallthetime.Thecoastlineisagraveyardofsunkenshipsandmemorialstothedead.Uslocalslearnfromthetimewe’reyoungtoreadthemoodoftheocean,butevenwegetitwrongsometimes.”
“Ikeepforgettingthatyougrewuphere,”saidRachel.“Areyouenjoyingbeingback?”
“Idon’tknowif‘enjoy’istherightword.It’swhereIbelong.Ialwaysintendedtocomebacksomeday,butIendedupdoingitsoonerthanI’dplanned.”
“Ifyoudon’tmindmesayingso,it’scertainlyastrangecareerchange,”saidRachel.“Youwereahighlysought-afterdefenseattorney.Youweremakingafortune.Whymaketheswitchandbecomeaprosecutorandthenmovebacktowhatisreallyabackwatertown?”
“BecauseIsleepbetteratnight,”answeredAlkinsashewatchedhiscousinstopthemotorboatandleanoverthesidetocheckanetinthewater.“Nick’scheckingsomelines.He’llreturninafewminutesandtakeyoubacktoyourhotel.Ihavetogetonwithmyworkforthetrialnextweek.”
“ThetrialmightendonMonday,”Rachelremindedhim.
“I’mhopingthatKellywillcomethrough.Otherwise”—hesighed—“youmaywellberight.”
“SoyouthinkthatScottmightgetacquitted,too,”saidRachel,readingbetweenthelinesofhiscomment.“IfScottBlairgetsoffunpunished,itwouldbedevastatingforKelly.”
“ForKellyandformanyotherrapevictims,”Alkinssaid.“There’snotalotIcando.Weneedhertestimony.Withoutit,wedon’thavemuchofacase.”
Hisvoicesoundedexhausted,yettherewasalsoathreadofsteelydeterminationthatsuggestedhewouldn’tgiveupsoeasily.Heturnedtofaceher.“IaskedNicktobringyouherebecauseIhaveafavortoask,”hesaid.“IspentmostoflasteveningattheMoores’home,tryingtogetKelly’sparentstounderstandthatwithouttheirdaughter’stestimony,thecaseislost.ExceptIcouldn’tgetthroughtothem.They’recompletelyunrealisticaboutourchancesofwinningwithoutKelly’stestimony.Theytoldmethey’reconfidentthejurywillconvictregardlessofwhetherKellytestifies.”
“Idon’tseehowthejurywillconvictifKelly’sevidenceisthrownout,”saidRachel.
“Precisely,”Alkinsresponded.“That’swhyIwantedtotalktoyou.Itmightcarrymoreweightiftheyhearitfromsomeonewithoutanystickinallofthis.Anoutsider,”hetoldRachel.“You’reinfluential.IgatherDanMooreisafanofyourpodcast.Maybethey’lllistentoyou.”
RachellookedupatAlkins.Hereyessearchedhisfacetoseewhetherhewasserious.Allshecouldseewasherownfaceinthedarklensesofhisaviatorsunglasses.Asifrealizingthatsheneededconfirmation,hetookthesunglassesoffandleanedagainstthesteelrailingssohecouldlookdirectlyather.“IfyouthinkScottBlairisguiltyanddeservestobepunishedthentalktoKelly’sparents,Rachel.Convincethemtolettheirdaughterreturntothestand.”
“Ishouldn’tgetinvolved.…”Rachelhesitated.“I’msupposedtobeaneutralbystander.”
“AllIcandoisaskyou,”hesaid.“Ultimately,thedecisionisuptoyou.Ifthere’sonethingthatI’velearnedinmylife,it’sthatagoodperson’sconscienceusuallyleadsthemtodotherightthing.”
“I’mnotmakinganypromises,”saidRachelcarefully.“ButIwillthinkaboutit.”
“I’mnotaskingforpromises,”hesaid.TheycouldheartherisingroarofthespeedboatengineasCoopersteeredtheboatbacktoshoreoverthechoppywaves.
“Iwanttomakeonethingclear,”hesaidashiscousinpulledtheboatuptothericketyjettyandtiedtheropes.“UnlikeDanMoore,I’mnotafanofyourpodcast.Idon’tunderstandpeople’sfascinationwithotherpeople’stragedies.It’smodern-dayrubbernecking.Ghoulish.Podcastslikeyoursfeedthatobsession.IfI’dhadmyway,JudgeShawwouldhaveneverallowedyoutocoverthetrial,”hesaid.“Iwantyoutoknowthat,becauseevenifyoudogetDanandChristineMooretolistentoyou,Iwillstillbeonyourcase.Idon’tdoquidproquo.”
RachelappreciatedMitchAlkins’shonesty.Atleastsheknewwhereshestood.Downonthebeach,CooperwaslookingupatthemasifaskingAlkins’spermissiontoreturn.AlkinsinclinedhisheadslightlyandCooperthencrossedthebeachandtraversedthesteeppathbacktothehouse.
DetectiveCooperdroveRacheltotownthewaythey’dcome,alongthesceniccoastalroad.Thistime,hedroveataleisurelypace,slowingtopointoutpanoramicviewsandpointsofinterest.Astheyreachedtheoutskirtsoftown,Rachel’sphonebeeped.ItwasatextmessagefromPetetoletherknowthatHannahhadsentanotheremail.
46
Hannah
DearRachel,It’shardtoputintowordswhathappenedthatnight.I’veneverwrittenitdownortoldasingleperson.Allmyadultlife,I’vetriedtoforget.Thememoriesinevitablyreturn.Alwaysattheworstpossibletime,whensomethinggoodishappeninginmylife.SometimesthepainofrememberingissobadthatIconsidergivingup.Lettingmyselfslipaway.
IstillrememberseeingtheforestfloorswayunsteadilyundermybarefeetasIwascarriedawayfromtheclearing,fromJenny,trappedinthesteelgripofastranger.Icouldn’tscreamorcallforhelp.Therewasnobodytheretohearmycalls.NobodywhocouldsaveJenny,orme.
Ihearddrunkenlaughter.Nastyandcruel.Someonethrewabeerbottleagainstatreetrunk.Itshattered.Laughterfollowed.Morebottlesbrokeastheyturneditintoagame.Andthenpitifulcries.ItwasJenny.Theywerehurtingher.Therewasn’tathingthatIcoulddotostopitasIwascarriedacrosstheforestlikearagdoll,myfeetdancinghelplesslyintheair.
“Please,”Itriedtosay.Mywordsweremuffledbythehandovermymouth.“Please,stophurtingher.”
Wecamearoundalargetreetrunk.IcouldhearJennywhimperlikeaninjuredkittentooweaktoletoutmorethanthesoftestcry.Istruggledtowriggleoutoftheirongrip.Iwantedtoreachouttoher.Totouchher.Toreassureherthatsomehowitwouldallbeallright.
Buthercrieswerebecomingmoredistant.Weweremovingawayfromher.Heheldmetighter,lockingmeintheunbreakablemanaclesofhisarmsashechangedcourse.Movinginadifferentdirection.Deeperintotheforest.AwayfromJenny.Itriedtokickhim,butIwasnomatchagainsthisstrengthandmylegshunglimplyintheair.
Hestoppedverysuddenlynotlongafter.IfeltmyselfbeingliftedupandthenlowereduntilIwaslyingonahardmetallicsurface.Metalridgesdugintomyskin.Iwaslyinginthebackofatruck.
Hishandwasonmymouth.Icouldn’tscream.ButIwasnolongerbeingrestrainedbythosepowerfularms.Ilayfaceupandlookedintotheeyesofmycaptor.GrayeyesthatIrecognized,eveninthegloomylightoftheforest.
IflinchedinterrorasBobbyloweredhisfacetomine.
Heliftedhisfingerandpressedittomylips.
“Shh,”hesaid.
HepushedmedownsothatIwaslyingflat.Hepulledthecanvassheetovermyhead.That’swhenIunderstoodthathewashidingme.Protectingme.Notlongafter,Ifeltthevehiclesinkundertheweightofpeoplegettingintothetruck.
Bobbyclimbedintothebackwithhislegsoutstretchedalongsidemeandhisbackpressedagainstthecab.Therewasalightthudassomeonewasloweredintothebackofthetrucknexttohim.Iheardawhimper.ItwasJenny.
Doorsslammedshut.Someonethrewanunopenedbeercanintothebackofthetruck.Itslammedagainstthemetalandbouncedontomyleg.Ithurtsobad.
Wedroveoffinaloudskid.JennywastremblingsobadlyIcouldhearherteethchattering.Ipeeredoutfromunderthecanvassheet.Bobbywasunbuttoninghisshirt.Itfrightenedmetoseehimgetundressed.Whenhe’dremovedhisshirt,heputitoverJennyandtuckeditunderherlikeablanket.Hereachedformyhandandsqueezeditreassuringlyasthetrucktorethroughtheforestroad,lurchingviolentlywhenwehitpotholes.
“Bobby,makesureshedoesn’tfallout.We’renotdonewithheryet,”someoneshoutedthroughanopenwindow.Drunkenlaughterechoed.
Withasquealoftires,thetruckturnedsharplyontosmoothasphalt.Wewereonthemainroad.Thedrivewasfaster.Lessbumpy.Thewindrushedinmyears.
Bobby’shandwasonJenny’sback.Shewaslyingnexttohim.Heseemedtobecomfortingher.Itriedtoleanovertocomforther,too.Hepushedmedownabruptlyaswedrovefasteralongtheroad.Whenthetruckeventuallystopped,Iheardtheroaroftheoceanandsmelledtheunmistakablesmellofseaandsalt.
“Whereisshe?”Itwasamalevoice.Thickandunsteady.Hewasleaningoverthesideofthetruck.Drunk.Iflinchedashealmosttouchedme.
“She’soverthere.”Anotherslurredvoice.
“Maybeweshouldlethergonow.”Adeepervoice.Thisoneinflectedwithfear
“Whywouldwedothat?”
“Yeah,man.Weallwanttohaveanothergo.MaybeBobbywillchangehismindandtakeaturn?Whatdoyousay,Bobby?”
Myheartpounded.Ilaywithoutmoving,terrifiedtheywoulddiscovermeunderthecanvassheet.Bobbysatnexttomestiffly.Itfeltasifhewasshieldingmefromthem.
“No.Notagain.Please.Ican’t.”ItwasJenny.“Letmego.Iwanttogohomenow.”
“Stopcrying,youslut,”someoneshouted.“Getup.”
Jennyscrambledtoherfeet.Thetruckshiftedagainasshejumpeddown.TheytrampledthroughthesandontothebeachwithJenny.
Bobby,who’dclimbedoutofthetruck,liftedthecanvassohecouldseemyface.“Run,”hewhispered.“I’lltrytogetthemtoleaveheralone,butyouneedtogetoutofhere.”Istaredathimasheliftedupacrateofbeercansandbottles.“Run,”heurgedagain,beforeturningtojoinhisfriendsonthebeach.
Ididn’tlistentohim.Ihidinthebushes.Icouldn’tbringmyselftoleavemysister.Asmyeyesadjustedtothedark,IsawthefamiliaroutlinesoftheMorrison’sPointjetty.Itwasstrangelyreassuringtoknowourlocation.
Lightflickeredfromthebeach,followedbythenoxioussmellofgasolineastheybuiltabonfireonthesand.Theirdarksilhouettesweresetagainstthefireastheystoodbyitsflamesanddrankbeer,clinkingthebottlestogether.
Therewasapublicphoneboothacrosstheparkinglot,nearthetoiletblock.Ididn’thavemoney,butIfiguredthatIcoulddialtheoperatorandaskhertocallthepolice.Iwalkedacrossthelotquietly,hunchingdownsotherewasnochancethatIcouldbeseen.MyshoeshadfallenoffwhenIwasintheforest.Iwasinmybarefeet.Thedirtparkinglotwaslitteredwithsharpstonesthatdugintothesolesofmyfeet.Despitethepain,Ididn’tcryoutormakeanysoundatall.
Ihadtorunoutintotheopentogettothetelephonebooth.IdidsoquicklybutwasdelayedgettinginsideasIfumbledtoopenthedoorinthedark.Finally,Ipushedmywayinside.Iliftedthereceiveranddialedtheoperator,myhandsshakingsobadlythatittookafewattemptstopressthecorrectbuttons.
“HowcanIassistyou?”theoperatorsaid.
“Please,”Imumbled;mythroatwassodrythatnosoundcameout.Icleareditandspokemoreloudly:“Ineedtospeakto—”
Thephoneboothdoorwaspushedopenabruptly,hittingmepainfullyintheshoulder.Ahandreachedinsideandpresseddownthereceivertodisconnectthecall.Iturnedaroundslowly.ItwasBobby’sfriend,oneoftheboyswhostolecandyfromRickwhentheygaveusaridehomethatfirsttime.Hestankofliquor.ItwassooverpoweringthatIleanedasfarawayasIcoulduntilmybackpressedpainfullyagainstthetelephoneconsole.
“Well,ifitisn’tthelittlesister,”hesnarled.Hecurledhishandintomyhairandpulledmeclosetohishotdrunkenface.
47
Rachel
Theymetattheboardwalkatdusk.DanandChristineMooreapproachedRachelarminarm,baseballcapspulledlowtoobscuretheirfaces.Theyweredressedliketwinsinmatchingjeansandteesunderunbuttonedshirts.Denimforhim.Whitelinenforher.Theirshirtsblewinthewindlikeparachutecanopies.
Thethreeofthemsteppedofftheboardwalkontothebeach,passingstragglersshakingsandofftheirtowelsbeforeflippingthemovertheirshouldersandheadinghome.Atthefarendofthebeach,surferswerepaddlingtoshore,pushedoutoftheoceanagainsttheirwillbytheebbinglight.
DanhadtoldRachelwhenthey’dsetupthemeetingoverthephonethatheandChristinewerehappytotalkwithher,butnotinthehouse.MitchAlkinshadbeentherethenightbefore.ItupsetKellytoknowthatshewasbeingdiscusseddownstairswhileshestayedinherroom,withhergrandmotherlookinginonherintermittently.TheyneverleftKellyaloneforlong.
Meetingatarestaurantwasoutofthequestion.SowasRachel’shotel.Therewassomuchpublicityaroundthecase,somuchscrutiny,thatKelly’sparentshadn’tgoneoutinpublicsincethetrialbegan.DantoldRacheltheyweregoingstircrazy.Hisstrainedvoiceindicatedthathewasneitherjokingnorexaggerating.
Kelly’snamehadbeenwithheldbythemediabutnothingcouldsuppressthetown’srumormill.ItwascommonknowledgeinNeapolisthatKellyMoorewasthegirlatthecenteroftherapetrial.She’dhadtoleaveherhighschool,andthenasecondschool,becauseoftheconstantbuzzofgossipasshewalkeddownthehalls.Hermotherhadtakentoorderinggroceriesonlinelongbeforethetrialstarted.Shedidn’tdaregointoasupermarket,letalonearestaurant.Kellyhadanonymityinnameonly.
RachelhadsuggestedshemeetKelly’sparentsatthebeachattwilight.Itwouldbedarkenoughthatnobodywouldrecognizethemanddesertedenoughthatthey’dbeabletotalkprivatelywithoutbeingoverheard.They’dagreedtheirdiscussionwouldbeofftherecord.
Thefarthertheywalkedfromthemarina,thefewerpeopletheysaw,untilitwasjustthethreeofthemstrollingontheedgeoftheshore,theiroutlinesdarkagainsttheinterminglinginkblotsofseaandskyasnightbegantofall.
“How’sKellydoing?”Rachelasked.
“Notgreat,”saidChristine.Hersighsaidmorethanherwords.“Shegoesintofull-onpanicmodeatthethoughtofreturningtocourt.”
ChristineexplainedthatKellywasonhighdosesofanti-anxietymedicationtokeephercalm.Themedicationmadeithardforhertothinkcoherently.Whenherdoctorloweredhermedication,Kellybecameanxious.“It’saviciouscycle,”Christinesaid.Theexhausteddarkringsunderhereyestoldtheirownstory.
“Christinedoesn’twantKellytogobackonthestand,”saidDan,lookingdownatthepatternthesolesofhisshoesmadeinthesandashewalked.
“Youdon’tagree.YouwantKellytofinishtestifying,”Rachelsurmised.
“Yes.”Helookedup.“MitchAlkinstoldusthathewon’tgetaconvictionwithoutKelly.Iwasupallnightthinkingaboutwhathesaid.Kellyneedstodoit.Sheneedstodoitsothatsonofabitchgoestoprison.Sheneedstodoitsoshecanmoveon,”hesaidfirmly.“She’llregretitfortherestofherlifeifshedoesn’tfinishthejob.IfScottBlairgetstogofreeandenjoyhislifeunpunished.”
Christineshookherheadasherhusbandspoke.Itwasclearlyamajorpointofcontentionbetweenthetwoofthem.Timewasrunningoutandtheystillhadn’treachedanyjointagreement.
“WhatdoKelly’sdoctorsthinksheshoulddo?”Rachelasked.
“Hertherapistisagainstit,”saidChristine.“SheworriesthatitcouldtipKellyovertheedge.Sheisemotionallyfragilerightnow.ButDan—”Shelookedatherhusband.“Danwantsblood.”
ShefumbledinherpocketforaKleenexandwipedherweteyes.“Hedoesn’tunderstandthatwemightloseKellyintheprocess.”
Danputhisarmsaroundhiswifeandhuggedhertohischestasshesobbed,theirbackstothedarkeningsea.HelookedoverChristine’sheadatRachel,pleadingforhertobreakthedeadlock.Sheloweredhereyesandturnedaway,walkingaheadalongthebeachtogivethemprivacy.
“What’syourview,Rachel?”askedDan,when,composedagain,they’dcaughtuptoher.“You’vebeenincourteveryday.You’veseentheevidenceandheardthetestimony.DoyouthinkthejurywillconvictifKellydoesn’treturntothestand?”
Rachellookedintothefardistance,whereshecouldseethedistinctiveshapeoftheMorrison’sPointjettystretchingintothewater.Kelly’sparentshuddled,togetherwaitingexpectantlyforheranswer.Rachelconsideredsugarcoatingit.ThensherememberedwhatMitchAlkinshadtoldher.Theyneededthetruth.Rawandunvarnished.
“IfKellydoesn’ttakethestand,DaleQuinnwillarguethatKelly’stestimonyshouldbestruckfromtherecord.Allofit.Becauseshe’samaterialwitnessandhewasn’tabletocross-examineherproperly.WithoutKelly’stestimony,Idon’tbelievethere’senoughevidenceforthejurytoconvict.”
Theybothflinchedatthebrutalhonestyofherwords.Christinewrappedherarmsaroundherself,chilled.“Kellydidn’tmakeitup.Herapedher.WhydoestheburdenhavetobeonKellytoproveit?She’sakid.She’stheonehurting.”
Racheldidn’thaveananswer.Therewasnoanswer.She’dcollectedshellsasthey’dwalked,andpausednowtotossthemintotheocean,oneshellatatime.Thecrashofthesurfmuffledthesoftsplashesoftheshellshittingthewater.
“YouthinkthatJudgeShawwillgoforthat?”Danasked.“StrikeallofKelly’stestimonyfromtherecord.”
“Hewon’thavemuchchoice,”saidRachel.“Hecan’tallowhertestimonytostandifDaleQuinndidn’tgetadecentshotatcross-examiningher.”
DanandChristinestoodwiththeirarmsaroundeachother’swaists.RachelknewthatMitchAlkinshadsaidsomethingsimilar,althoughperhapslessdiplomatic,thepreviousnightwhenhe’dcometotheirhouse.AlkinshadtoldRachelthathe’dbeenbluntwithKelly’sparentsbeforehe’dlefttheirhome.“IfKellydoesn’ttestifythenthere’sarealchancethatScottBlairwillwalk,”he’dsaid.
RachelhopedthatAlkinswasright,thathearingthesameconclusionfromherwouldcarrymoreweight.Afterall,shedidn’thaveavestedinterestintheoutcome.Itwasn’therreputationasaprosecutorontheline.Plus,sheknewtheevidenceinsideandout;shewasincourteveryday,listeningtotestimony,takingnotes,reportingonthetrialforthepodcast.
Theyfacedaterriblechoice.PuttingKellyonthestandcoulddestroytheirdaughter.LettingScottBlairgofreecoulddestroyherevenmore.Agullcriedasitflewoverthebeach,lookingforaplacetoroostforthenight.
“Wecan’tdothistoKelly.”Christineturnedtofaceherhusband.
“Wehaveto.Howcanwelethimgetoff?Hisnameuntarnished.Hisreputationintact.Heneedstosuffer.Hedeservestobepunished,”Danshotback.“LetsomeonedotohiminprisonwhathedidtoKelly.”
Christinepummeledhistorsosoftlywithherpalms,sobswrackingherbody.“EverytimeKellytalksaboutit,andImeaneverysingletime,sherelivesthatnight.Over.Andover.Andoveragain.It’seatingintowhateverisleftofherspirit.Wecan’tmakeherdoit.Weareherparents.Wehavetothinkbeyondgettingjustice.Orrevenge.It’sourjobtohelpherheal.”
“Testifyingiswhatwillhelpherheal.Itwillbepainfulatfirst,butitwillbeworthit.He’llbepunishedandhernamewillbecleared.She’llbevindicated,”saidDan,kickingaclumpofseaweedacrossthesanduntilitfloppedintothewater.
“Kellydoesn’tneedhernamecleared.Shedidn’tdoanythingwrong.Sheisn’t—”Christine’svoiceshookwithanger.
Racheldidn’theartherestasshemovedaheadtogivethemspacetotalk.Itwascleartoherthey’dbeenhavingthesamediscussionfordays.Goingroundandroundincircles.Theywererunningoutoftime.ItwasSaturdaynight.IfKellywastotestifyonMondaymorning,they’dneedtospendallofSundaygettingheremotionallyprepared.PerhapsevenlettingMitchAlkinsorhispeopleprepareherforthecross-examination.
DanstrodepastRachel,walkingoffaftertheangryexchangewithhiswife.Rachelhungback,waitingforChristine,whowasdabbinghereyeswhenshecaughtuptoRachel.Bothwomenwalkedtogetherinsilence,deliberatelylaggingbehindDan,noteventryingtocatchup.Hewalkedfastanddisappearedaroundthenextheadland,outoftheirlineofsight.
Itwasgettingdarkerandvisibilitywasbecomingpoor.TheywalkedalittlelongeruntiltheyheardthegroanoftimberastheMorrison’sPointjettyswayedinthewindandtidefartheralong.
Whentheycaughtupwithhim,hewaswaiting,staringatthedarkoutlineofthejettyasifafraidtogettooclose.“Ididn’trealizethatwe’dcomesofar.”Hegaveashiver.“Alwayshatedthisplace.”Heabruptlyturnedawayandmarchedbacktowardthemarina.
“Helooksasifhe’sbeingchasedbythedevil,”RachelsaidtoChristineastheywatchedhimstrideaheaddownthebeach.
“DanblameshimselfforwhathappenedtoKelly,”Christinesaid.“HesaysitwouldneverhavehappenedifhehadagreedtomovetoPortlandtolivenearmyfolkswhenheleftthenavy.Instead,wecamehere.Heinsistedonit.Despitehisterriblechildhood,hefeltthiswaswherehebelonged.”
“Inwhatwaywashischildhoodterrible?”Rachelaskedinsurprise.Hisfatherwasthetown’spolicechief.Rachelhadassumedthathe’dhadaneasy,protectedchildhood.
Christineshookherheadsadly.ShetoldRachelthatwhenDanwastwelvehisdadhadbeatenhimsobrutallythathewastakentothehospitalwithaskullfracture.ChiefMooretoldtheattendingdoctorthatDanhadgoneflyingwhiledoingadangerousjumponhisskateboard.“Thedoctorboughtit,”shesaid.“HehadnoreasontodoubtPoliceChiefRussMoore.
“Dan’smomkilledherselfayearearlier.Themedicalexaminersaiditwasanaccidentaloverdose.NobodyaccidentallytakesadozenValium.Dansaidshecouldn’ttakethebeatingsanymore.Oncehismotherhadgone,hischildhoodwasspenttryingtokeepoutofhisfather’sway.Thankgoodnessforthenavy.Itwasthemakingofhim.”
“Inwhatway?”Rachelasked.
“Itsoftenedhisroughedges.Itgroundedhim.Itgavehimvalues.He’sadevotedfather,andawonderfulhusband,”shesaid.“Dandoesalotofcharitywork.Hecaresaboutthecommunity.Hecaresaboutthistown.That’swhythissituationhashithimespeciallyhard.Thewaythetownhasbecomedivided.Theacrimony.PeopleturningagainstKelly,againstourfamily.Castingaspersionsonhercharacter.Hecan’tletitgo.It’skillinghim.”
Sheloweredhervoicewhenshesawherhusbandhadstoppedandwaswaitingforthemontheboardwalk.Thetidewascominginhard,eatingupthebeach.Thetwowomenclimbedbackontotheboardwalktogether.Thelightsofthemarinaflickeredinthedistance.Astheycamecloser,theycouldhearmusicfromtheoutdoorrestaurants.
“I’llmissNeapolisoncewe’regone,”saidChristinewistfully.
“You’releavingtown?”Rachelasked.
“I’mtakingKellytolivenearmyparents.Danwillstaytosellthebusinessandthehouse.He’lljoinusassoonashecan,”Christinesaid.Buttherewasatingetohervoicethatsuggestedhemightneverjointhem.RachelgottheimpressionthatifDanMooreinsistedhisdaughtertakethestandthefamily—andthemarriage—wouldneverrecover.
Whentheyreachedthecar,Dantookhiswife’shandsandlookedintohereyes.“Onthewalkback,Ithoughtaboutwhatyousaid,honey.I’vemadealotofmistakesinmylife,butI’mnotgoingtomakeanymore.Iwon’tfightyouonKelly.IhavetobelievethatScottBlairwillbepunished.Sometime,somewhere,hewillbepunishedforwhathedidtomylittlegirl.”Heshookhishead.“Butyouareright;Kellydoesn’thavetobetheonetomakethathappen.”
RachelwatchedDanandChristinedriveaway.Theirmindsweremadeup.KellyMoorewasnottakingthestandonMonday.Thetrialwasover.
48
Rachel
Rachelsatonherbedlisteningtothedialtone.MitchAlkinshadn’tsoundedsurprisedwhenshetoldhimthatKellywouldnotbeincourtcomeMonday.Itwasalmostasifhe’dalreadyresignedhimselftothatoutcome.HemusthaveknownthefierceprotectivenessofKelly’smotherwouldwinoutagainstherfather’sthirstforrevenge.
AlkinshadsoundedsodejectedthatRachelcouldn’tbringherselftoaskifhe’dlocatedJennyStills’sautopsyreportorfoundoutanythingaboutthecircumstancessurroundingherdeath.He’dpromisedhewouldlookintoit,andshebelievedhim.Oncethetrialwasover,Rachelwascertainthathe’dfollowthrough.
Hannah’slastemailhadtroubledRachelgreatly.Rememberingwhathadhappenedthatnightwasclearlytakingaterribletollonher.Rachelcouldfeelitineveryword,everysyllable.She’dbrieflyconsideredsharingtheletterswithDetectiveCooperbutdecidedagainstit.Shedidn’thaveHannah’spermissiontoshareherstory,andRacheldidn’twanttobetrayhertrust.
Rachelbrushedherteethandpreparedforbed,feelingrestlessandsadafterhernighttimewalkwithKelly’sparents.ScottBlairwouldgofree.Hisgoodnamewouldlikelyberestored.He’dclaimthathewasthevictimofafalseaccusation.Manywouldbelievehim.
Maybehe’dmakeittotheOlympicsandwingold,ashisfatherhadproudlypredictedthatdaywhenRachelvisitedtheirhouse.Ormaybehisnamewouldbetarnishedenough,orhisconfidenceandfitnesssodamagedbyhissuspensionfromcompetitiveswimming,thathe’dnevergetbacktopeakathleticcondition.Timewouldtell.
WhileScottwouldneverspendanightinprison,RachelwascertainthatKelly’snamewouldbemudforever,muchlikeJenny’s.TheBlairsupporterswouldsmearherasavindictiveteenagerwho’drefusedtobecross-examinedtoavoidbeingexposedasaliar.
AsforKelly’ssupporters,theywouldn’tforgiveKellyforgivingup.Deepdown,theywouldresentherfailuretostaythecourse,andthey’dsecretlyblameherformakingitharderforothervictimstocomeforwardinthefuture.
Kellywouldneverbefree.Neverfullyrecover.Herchildhoodhadbeenirreparablydamagedbythatnightonthebeach.Herfamilywasfleeingtownlikepersecutedemigres.Theirlivesandlivelihooduprootedsoshecouldstartfreshinanewtown,anewschool.Perhapsevenwithanewname.Christinewasright.Itshouldn’trestontheshouldersofayounggirl.Butitdid.
Rachelcollapsedonherbed,lyingontopofthecoversandstaringattheceiling.She’dbeensoconsumedwiththepodcastandtheminutiaeofthetrialthatshehadn’thadachancetotakeastepback.Togetperspective.Asshelayonherbed,shewashitbyanigglingfeelingthatshe’dmissedsomething.She’dhadthatfeelingbeforeandbrusheditoff.Butthistimeshewascertain.
Rachelscrambledthroughthepileofnotebooksonherdeskuntilshe’dfoundthenotebookfilledwithherownmessyshorthandofKellyMoore’stestimony.Sheflickedthroughthepagesuntilshewasthree-quartersofthewaythroughthenotebook.
Therewasanoldplaidshirtonme.Itwasahugeshirt.Itwastuckedundermelikeablanket.Idon’tknowwheretheshirtcamefrombecauseScotthadn’twornashirtlikethat.
RachelpulledoutherfilewithHannah’sletters.Shelayflatonthebedandreadthelettersonebyone.Thegreenglowoftheclockshifteditsshapeastimepassed.AsRachelfinishedeachletter,shetosseditonherbedandunfoldedanotherone.Andanother.UntilshereachedthelatestemailsfromHannah.Rachelfoundsomethingthatmadeherjoltupinsurprise.Sheturnedonthelampnexttoherbedtoreadthepassageagain.Shewantedtobecertain.
JennywastremblingsobadlyIcouldhearherteethchattering.Ipeeredoutfromunderthecanvassheet.Bobbywasunbuttoninghisshirt.Itfrightenedmetoseehimgetundressed.Whenhe’dremovedhisshirt,heputitoverJennyandtuckeditunderherlikeablanket.
Similardescriptions.Tworapes.Twenty-fiveyearsapart.Inthesametown.Asshecrawledunderthecoversofherbed,Hannah’slettersscatteredacrossthesheets,Racheltoldherselfitwasaflukecoincidence.Itwasonlywhileshewasdriftingoffthatsherememberedsomethingthatmadeherrealizetherewasnocoincidenceatall.
ItwasstilldarkwhenRachelrolledoutofbedanddressedinrunninggear.Eventhoughitwasagoodhourbeforedawn,itmightaswellhavebeenthemiddleofthenightwhenRachelpushedthroughtherevolvingdoorsofthehotelandemergedontothedesertedstreet.Thestreetlightswereonandthetrafficlightswerechangingcolors,buttherewasnotasinglevehicleontheroadthatranparalleltothebeach.
Rachelranalongtheboardwalk,retracingtherouteshe’dwalkedwithDanandChristineMoorethenightbefore.BythetimeshereachedMorrison’sPoint,theskywasalightershadeofdarkblue.Dawnwouldbreaksoon.Racheldidn’tstopatthejetty.Shekeptrunning,passingonebeachafterthenextuntilherfacewasflushedandherbreathinglabored.
Theboatshedsrattledinthebreezeasshecameontothelastbeach.Itwassoclosetothemarinereservethatshecouldseethetimber-and-stonevisitors’stationwithitsmapsandillustrationsoflocalbirdandmarinelife.Rachelmovedbetweentheboathousesquietly,stickingtotheshiftingshadows.
Shepressedherselfagainstashedandwaited.Asdawnbroke,adoorslammedopen.ThehulkingfigureofVinceKnox—orwhateverhisrealnamewas—pushedasmallfiberglassboatoutofthetimbershedanddownasandyinclinetowardthewater.Theoutboardmotorwasliftedupsoitwouldn’tdragonthesand.
Whentheboatwasontheedgeofthewaterandwouldgonofarther,hewentintothewaterandgrabbedtheropes,pullingtheboatoffthebeachuntilitwasfloating.
Rachelrandowntothebeachandwavedtogethisattention.Hedidn’tseeheratfirst.Hewasarrangingcrabcagesonthebottomoftheboatsotheweightwasevenlydistributed.Whenheraisedhishead,helookedconfusedandthenangrytoseeRachelwaitingbytheshore.
“Youagain!Whatdoyouwantthistime?”Hisvoicewasrough.
“How’sthebirddoing?”Rachelasked.
“She’sdrinkingandeating,”hesaid.“I’llreleaseherinacoupleofdays.”
“That’sgoodnews,”saidRachel,stillstandingherground.Hewentabouthisworkbutglancedathereverynowandagainasiftoaskwhyshewasstillthere.
“Ineedtoaskyouaboutsomethingimportant.”
“Idon’tanswerquestions.Notyours.Notanyoneelse’s.Nowgetthehelloffmybeach,”hecalledback.
“It’sabouttheScottBlairtrial,”shesaid.
Helookedatherinirritation.They’dalreadydiscussedthatthelasttimeshe’dturnedupuninvited.Hejumpedoutofhisboatandwadedbackontothebeach.Rachelthoughthewascomingtotalktoher.Instead,hewalkedstraightpastherandkeptwalkinguptotheboatshed.Whenhereturned,hewascarryingabigwhitebucketforhiscatch,andarustedpike.Rachelsuspecteditwastoliftthecrabcagesoutofthewater,butheheldontoitlikeitwasaspear,andshegottheimpressionthathewashopingitwouldintimidateher.
“Youliedbyomissiononthestand.Iwanttoknowwhatreallyhappened,”Rachelcalledoutashewalkedpasther.
“Idon’thavetotellyoushitaboutnothing,”hesaid,tossingthebucketintotheboat.HepointedthemetalpikeatRachelasiftoscareheroff.Rachelkeptherhandsonherhips.VinceKnoxdidn’tscareheronebit.
“There’snobodyaroundexceptforyouandme.Ifyouwereasmartlady,you’dturnaroundandgetthehelloutofhere,”hewarnedher.
“Listentomefortwominutes,”Rachelinsisted.
Finally,heputdownthebucket,listeningtoherspeakashestareddownathisbarefeet.HisshortsandT-shirtweresoakedthroughfrompullingthemotorboatintothewater.Rachelgavehimanabridgedversionofwhatsheneeded.Andwhy.Hisexpressionwasimpassiveassheexplained.
“Ican’thelpyou,”hesaidwhenshewasdone.“Itoldyoubefore.Imindmyownbusiness.It’stheonlywayIcansurvive,livingthelifethatIlive.”
“Sometimesamanhastospeakuporberesponsiblefortherepercussionsofhissilence,”Racheltoldhim.
Heturnedbacktotheboatandtossedinthepikewithaclatterbeforeclimbingin.Theboatrockedunsteadilyashescrambledtoaseatnexttotheoutboardmotor.Rachelslippedoffhersneakersandwadedbarefootintothewater.
“Wait,”Rachelcalledout,approachingtheboat.
Heignoredherandpulledthecordtoturnontheengine.Itspluttered.HereachedouttopullthecordasecondtimewhenRachelcalledoutagain.
“Bobby,wait,”sheshouted.Hedroppedthecordandlookedupather.
“Howdoyouknowmyrealname?”
“Agirlwhoonceknewyou,shewrotemesomelettersthatmentionedaboywithgrayeyescalledBobby,”saidRachel.“Bobbyhelpedherinjuredsisterbytakingoffhisshirtandwrappingitaroundherlikeablankettokeepherwarm.Tostopherfromgoingintoshock.Justlikethewayyoudidwiththeseagull.Andjustlikethewayyoudidonthisverybeachlastyearwhenyoufound—”Herwordswereswallowedbythewind.
“Whoisthegirlwhowrotetheletters?”heinterrupted.“What’shername?”
“HernameisHannahStills.HersisterwasJennyStills,”saidRachel.“Doyourememberthem?”
“Alittle,”hesaid.“Mymemoryisbadfromthattime,onaccountoftheaccident.”
“Whataccident?”
“IdroveatruckintoatreewhenIwasyounger.Killedmytwofriends.Isurvived.Ifyoucancalllookinglikethissurviving,”hesaid,liftinghisT-shirttodisplaythethird-degreeburnsshe’dseenbeforeonhischest.Helaughed,anangry,bitterlaugh.“Iwasinthehospitalfornearlyayearafterthat.Hadskingraftafterskingraft.Fourteensurgeriesinall.Thatwholeperiodisahaze.IrememberedonlywhatIwastold.ThatI’ddrivenintoatreeandkilledmyfriends.IreckonthatthesescarshereareasmallpricetopayforwhatIdid.”
“Maybeyoudon’trememberJennyStills,”Rachelsaid.“Butyourememberanothergirlyouhelpedonthisbeach.Youweretherethatnight.Weren’tyou?”
Hedidn’thearher.He’dturnedontheoutboardmotorandwasheadingoutintotheocean.Rachellistenedtothewhineofthemotorashenavigatedtheboatthroughthecrestsofincomingwavesuntilhehadescapedthepullofthetideandwasoutatsea.
Whenhereturned,twohourslater,Rachelwassittingcross-leggedonthebeach,waitingforhim.Oncehe’dsecuredhisboatandsteppedonshore,helookedatherandnodded.
49
Rachel
DaleQuinnfailedtohidehiselationwhenhesawthedejectedslumpofMitchAlkins’sshouldersattheprosecutors’tableashewalkedintocourtonMondaymorning.Victorywaswithintouchingdistance.
QuinntookhisseatatthedefensetableandleanedbackforalightheartedexchangewithGregBlair.ThecourtroomwascracklingwithanticipationbythetimeJudgeShawenteredinhisblackrobe.HiseyesweresteelywhenheaskedMitchAlkins,ashe’ddoneeverymorningthepreviousweek,whetherthecomplainantwasreadytoresumehercross-examination.
“YourHonor,”saidAlkins,“MissMoore’sparentsandtherapisthaveadvisedthathermentalstateistoofragileforfurtherquestioninginopencourt.However,shecanprovidewrittenanswers,orvideotapeheranswerstoalistofquestionsprovidedbythedefense.Iaskforlatitudeinthisregard.SheisveryyoungandverytraumatizedandIamcertainwecanelicithertestimonyundercross-examinationwithouttormentingherfurtherbybringingherbackintothiscourtroom.”
“YourHonor.”DaleQuinnboundedtohisfeet.“Ineedtocross-examinethewitnessmyselfbeforethejury.Anythinglesswouldprejudicemyclient’sright—”
“Yes,yes,Iknow,Mr.Quinn,”interruptedJudgeShaw.“Yourclient’srighttoafairtrial.Believeme,Counselor,wearedoingcontortionsheretokeepitasfairaspossible.”
JudgeShawgesturedforQuinnandAlkinstoapproachthebench.Nobodysomuchasclearedtheirthroatasthejudgeconferredwiththetwoattorneysatasidebar,everyonestrainingtoheartheirhusheddiscussion.Sophia,thecourtroomartistnexttoRachel,stoppedsketchingwhiletheyspoke.ItwasimpossibletoknowexactlywhathadbeendiscussedwhenJudgeShawfinallyorderedQuinnandAlkinstostepawayfromthebarandreturntotheirseats.
MitchAlkins’sshoulderswerehunchedandhescratchedthesideofhisforeheadasifhewasdeeplyunsatisfiedwiththeoutcomeashereturnedtotheprosecutors’table.RachelguessedthatJudgeShawhadrefusedhisrequesttoallowKellytoprovidetestimonyinwritingorbyvideo.
Backatthedefensetable,DaleQuinnstoodup,tryingnottolookjubilantashebuttonedhisjacket.“YourHonor,”Quinnsaid.“Sincethecomplainant,MissMoore,isunavailabletoday,whichwasthedeadlineforhertoreturntocourtforcross-examination,Imovethatherentiretestimonybestruckfromtherecord.”
“IaminclinedtoagreewithMr.Quinn,”saidJudgeShaw.
“YourHonor,”Alkinsinterrupted.
“I’vegivenyouampletime,Mr.Alkins,”JudgeShawsaid.HeinstructedthejurytodisregardallofKellyMoore’stestimony.Thejurywouldnotbeabletodrawonanythingshesaidwhenshetookthewitnessstandearlierinthetrial.Allofhertestimonywouldbeerased,asifshe’dneversaidaword.
ThecourtroomwashushedasQuinnaskedthejudgeifhecouldmakeonefurtherrequest.Hewasonechessmoveawayfromwinningthecase.“YourHonor,inlightofyourdecisiontostrikeMissMoore’stestimonyfromtherecord,Iaskthatthiscasebedismissed,withprejudice,duetoinsufficientevidence.”
“Mr.Alkins,IbelieveMr.Quinnhasastrongargument.Doyouhaveanythingtosay?”JudgeShawleanedforwardintohismicrophone.
“YourHonor,”saidAlkins,standingup.“Iwouldliketorecallawitnessbeforeyouconsiderthedefense’srequest.”
“Youhavealreadyrestedyourcase,”snappedJudgeShaw.“Youcan’tgocallingwitnessesnow.”
“ThewitnessthatI’dliketocallwasawitnessforthedefense.Mr.Quinnhasnotyetrestedthedefense’scase.”
“Whowouldyouliketorecall,Mr.Alkins?”huffedJudgeShaw.
“IwouldliketorecallMr.VinceKnox.”
Ahumrippledacrossthecourtroom.TheyallrememberedVinceKnoxasthesurlycharacterwitness,hisfaceandneckdisfiguredbytattoosandhealedgashesfromswitchbladeattacks.He’dtestifiedtoScottBlair’sheroismforsavingthelifeofadrowningboy.
“Mr.Alkins,whyareyouwastingthecourt’stimebybringingacharacterwitnessforthedefensebacktothestand?”thejudgeaskedimpatiently.
“IbelievethatMr.Knoxmayhaveinformationthatisofmaterialvaluetothiscase,beyondhistestimonyasacharacterwitnessforthedefendant.”
“I’llallowit,”saidJudgeShaw,lookinganythingbuthappyaboutthedirectionthetrialwastaking.“You’reonrazor-thinice,Mr.Alkins.Isuggestyougettothepointwiththiswitness.Inrecordtime.”
DaleQuinnleanedtowardScottBlairandwhisperedinhisear.Scottshrugged.ItwasobvioustoRachelthatQuinnhadaskedhisclientifheknewwhatMitchAlkinsmightwanttoextractfromVinceKnox,ofallpeople.
Tryingtobuytime,QuinnaskedJudgeShawforahalf-dayadjournmenttoprepareforthewitness.JudgeShawruleditout.HepointedoutcurtlythatthewitnesswasinfactadefensewitnessbeingrecalledtothestandandQuinnhadalreadyhadampletimetoprepare.Quinnthentriedforabriefrecesstoconferwithhisclient.
“No,”intonedJudgeShaw,asifheweretalkingtoapreschoolernaggingforarestroombreak.“Youmaynothaveashortrecess.Wehavejuststartedfortheday.Bailiff,bringinthewitness.”
ThecourtroomdoorsopenedtoletVinceKnoxintothecourtroom.Hewasn’tintheborrowedsuithe’dwornthelasttimehe’dtestified.Thistimeheworeneatlypresseddenimworkpantsandawornworkshirtwiththesleevesrolleduptohiselbows.
ThecourtroomartistdrewVinceKnoxasthejudgeremindedhimthathewasstillunderoath.Thegoodsideofhisfacewasweatheredandruddyfromtheoutdoors.Theothersidehadpuckeredknifescars,oneofwhichmadehiseyedroop.Thistimehemadenoefforttocoveruphisnecktattoosunderhisshirtcollar.
“YournameisVinceKnox,isthatcorrect?”Alkinsasked.
“Yes,sir.Itis.”
“Youwerealsoknownbyanothernameinthepast.Whatwasit?”
“IusedtobecalledBobby.BobbyGreen,”saidthewitness.Afrissonofsurpriseranthroughthecourtroom,butthewitnessseemedobliviousashewaitedforAlkins’snextquestion.
“Whydidyouchangeyourname,Mr.Knox?”Alkinsasked.
“Afriendofmineoncetoldmethatifyouchangeyourname,youchangeyourluck.IdecidedI’dcomebackherewithanewname.Startanewchapter.NeapolisiswhereIgrewup.I’vealwayslovedithere:theocean,thebirds.It’swhereIwanttoliveouttherestofmylife.”
Asthewitnessspoke,QuinnturnedaroundandgaveGregBlairawitheringlookbeforewhisperingintotheearofanassociate,whoimmediatelyrushedoutofthecourtroom.RachelsuspectedthejuniorlawyerhadgonetocollectdirtonVinceKnox’spast,whenhewasknownasBobbyGreen,togiveQuinnammunitionforhisredirect.
AlkinsaskedKnoxwherehehadbeenonthenightwhenKellyMoorewasraped.Heexplainedthathe’dbeenlivinginoneoftheboatsheds.“Itwasmorecomfortablethansleepinginmycar.Alsothere’stoiletandshowerfacilitiesonthebeach,andabarbecuethattakesquarters.It’stoocoldtostaythereoverthewinter,”Knoxsaid.“ButIwastherewhenthatgirlwashurt.”
“Whathappenedthatnight?”Alkinsasked.
“Iwasintheboatshedtryingtosleep.ThewindhowlswhenitblowsintothatricketyoldshedandI’madeepsleeper,soforalongwhileIdidn’tknowthatanyoneelsewasthere.Laterinthenight,IcameouttopeeandIfoundahalf-nakedgirllyingonthesand.AtfirstIthoughtshewasdead,becauseshedidn’tmoveandhereyeswereclosed,butthenshemadeawhiningsound.Likeaninjuredanimal.Irealizedthatshewasawake,butshewasn’tresponsive.Itlookedtomelikeshewasdrugged,ordelirious.Shewasinobviouspain,butnotsomuchphysical.Moreemotional.It’shardtoexplain.”
“Didthegirlsayanythingtoyou?”Alkinsasked.
“Idon’tthinksherealizedthatIwasthere.Shekeptwhimperingandsayingthingslike,‘Letmego.Letmego.’”
AlkinsshowedKnoxaseriesofphotosofteenagegirlsandaskedhimtoidentifythegirlhe’dseenonthebeachthatnight.HeimmediatelypickedoutthephotographofKellyMoore.
“Astheonlyotherpersonwhowasatthebeachthatnight,didyouhearorseeanythingthatindicateswhetherScottBlairrapedKellyMoore?”Alkinsasked.
“Oh,herapedherallright.”saidKnox.“AfterIfoundthatpoorgirl,Isawandheardenoughtoknowwithoutashadowofdoubtthatshedidn’twantanyofit.”
50
GuiltyorNotGuilty
Season3,Episode11:HeSaid/SheSaid
ThemostincriminatingtestimonyagainstScottBlairmaywellbethewordofadrifter.HisnameisVinceKnox.That’snothisrealname.Hechangeditwhenhegotoutofprison.Asidefromacriminalrecord,hehasahistoryofvagrancy.Forthepastfewyears,he’sbeenlivinginNeapolis.Hegetsworkwherehecanfindit.Oddjobsmostly.Hemowslawns,clearsgutters.Onweekends,hepushesawheelbarrowdownthebeachtocollectdiscardedcansandbottlesforcashdeposits.
Heownsarustystationwagonandasmalloutboardmotorboat.Hetakesitoutmostmorningstocatchcrabs.Hesellshishaultolocalrestaurantstosupplementhisincome.Hecaresforinjuredbirdswithdamagedwings;hewrapsthemupinhisownshirtstokeepthemwarm.Andhekeepshisowncompany.Hedoesn’thavefriends.Notunlessyoucountthebirdsandstrayshefeedsandcaresforwhenthey’reinjured.
Hesleepswhereverhecanlayhishead.Ingoodtimes,it’saroom,ifhecanfindonecheap.Inbadtimes,hesleepsinthebackofhiscar.Sometimeshesleepsonthebeachorinaboatshed.That’swherehewasonthenightinquestion.ThenightthatKwasallegedlyraped.
VinceKnoxwasoneofthecharacterwitnessescalledbyScottBlair’sdefenselawyerearlierinthetrial.Hetoldthecourthow,threeyearsago,Scottdivedintotheseaindangerousconditionsandsavedadrowningboywho’dbeenpulledoutbythecurrents.VinceKnoxsaidScottwasahero.
Todayincourt,hetestifiedagain.Thistime,hedidn’tcallScottahero.Hecalledhimarapist.
VinceKnoxtoldthecourtthathewaslivinginaboatshedlastyearwhenhecameoutearlyinthemorningandsawKlyinghalf-nakedonthesand.Hethoughtshewasdead.
Whenshewhimpered,herealizedthatshewasalive.Herecalledseeingbruisesonherbody.Itlookedtohimasifshe’dbeenassaulted.Hesuspectedshe’dbeenraped.Hetookoffhisshirtandcoveredhernakednesswithit.Thenhetuckeditaroundherlikeablanket.Justthewayhedoeswiththeinjuredbirdsthathesaves.Hewasworriedshe’dgointoshock.
Hereturnedtotheboathouseandkeptwatchfromthegapbetweenthetimberslats.Hesaidhedidn’twanttofrightenherifshecametoandsawhim.He’sanintimidatingman.Frighteningtolookat.Hehasscarsonhisfacefromaknifeattackinprisonandtattoosthatgoallthewayuphisneck.
Hedidn’tcallthepoliceoranambulancethatnight.Heclaimshismobilephonebatterywasdead.Headmittedthathecouldhavetakenhertothehospitalinthebackofhisstationwagon.Hedidn’t.Hewasafraidthathe’dgetjammedup.Perhapsbeaccusedofrapingthegirlhimself.Orgethitwithavagrancyandtrespassingcharge.Thisisamanwho’sspentsomuchofhislifeinprisonthathedoesn’ttrusttheauthoritiestoleavehimbe.
SohewatchedKtomakesureshewassafewhilehewashidingintheboatshed.Peeringthroughthecracksinthetimberslats,hesawScottBlairwalkontothebeachfromhissportscar.Scottwascarryingasmallnavysportsbag.Thegirlhadwokenbythen.TheshirtVinceKnoxleftonherbodyslidoffasshesatup,visiblydisoriented.Fromhishidingplaceintheshed,VinceKnoxassumedthatScottwastheretohelpthegirl.Instead,Scottkickedherlightlyinherthighwithhissneaker.Likehewasrousingastraydog.
Scottorderedhertogetup.Hetoldhertoshowerintheicyoutdoorbeachshower.Hegavehersoapandshampoo,whichhe’dbroughtinthesportsbag.Hetoldherthatifshedidn’twashoffalltheevidence,thenhe’ddoithimself.“Betterbecareful,”hethreatenedwithasmirkashegropedhernakedbody.“Onethingmightleadtoanother.Imightgetcarriedaway.”
Whenshe’dshoweredanddressed,ScottpushedheragainsttheboatshedwhereVinceKnoxwashiding.Scottwarnedhernottotellanyonewhathe’ddonetoher.VinceKnoxrecalledthatScotttookspecificpleasureinmentioningsomeofthesexactshe’dforcedonher.HeheardScotttellthegirlthathe’ddestroyherreputationifshetoldonhim.Afterthat,Scottgavehercashandtoldhertouseittocatchabushome.
BecauseK’stestimonywasstruckfromtherecord,whatevershesaidthatdayincourtdoesnotexist.Itneverhappened.Thejurycan’trefertoit.Theycan’tevenrememberit.ThisiswhyVinceKnox’seyewitnesstestimonyissocrucial.Andhistestimonywasdamning.
Despitehisgruff,abruptmanner,Ithinkthejurorsfoundhimsincere.Asimplemanwhospokefromtheheartinsimplewords.Theyappreciatedhiscandor.Theyrealizedthathehadnothingtogainfromcomingforward,otherthantellingthetruth.Thejury,likeallofus,issufferingfromtrialfatigue.Icouldtelltheylikedhisauthenticity.
Whenitwashisturn,DaleQuinnthreweverythinghehadatVinceKnox.HeaccusedKnoxofbeingavoyeurwhospiedontwoteenagershavingaromanticinterludeatthebeach.HesuggestedKnox’stestimonywasmotivatedbyangeragainstScottBlair’sdad,who’dhiredhiminthepasttodogroundmaintenanceworkbutneverfollowedthroughwithafull-timejob.OncehewasdonecastingaspersionsonVinceKnox’scharacter,hefocusedhisattentiononfindinginconsistenciesinhistestimony.Intryingtotraphiminlies.
“Areyouaskingthecourttobelieveyousleptthrougharape?”Quinnasked.
“Thewindrattlesthoseshedssomethingawful,”Knoxresponded.
“Iftheshedrattlessoloudlythatyoucan’thearagirlbeingraped,thenhowdidyoumiraculouslyhearthedefendantdiscussinghiscrimeswiththecomplainant,asyouhaveclaimed?Isn’tittruethatyou’relyingwhenyousayyouoverheardthispurportedconversationbetweenmyclientandthecomplainant?”
“I’mnotlying.IheardeverywordbecausehepushedheragainstthesideoftheboathousewhereIwashiding.Iwasrightontheothersideofthatthinwall.Lessthananinchawayfromthem.Iheardeveryword.Iain’tdeaf.Notyet,anyway.”
“Whydidyounotmentionanyofthiswhenyouwereonthestandlasttime?”Quinnasked.
“Youdidn’taskmeifScottBlairdidit.Ifherapedthatgirl.Youjustaskedmeabouthowherescuedthatdrowningkidallthoseyearsago.Ifyou’daskedmewhetherhedidit,thenIwouldhavetoldyou.”
Itwentonlikethisforawhile,untilDaleQuinnwashandedafolderofnotesfromtheassociatewhomhe’dsentoutearlier.Quinnskimmedthenotesinthefileandthenaskedthejudge’spermissiontohaveasidebarconversationwiththeassociatewho’dpreparedthematerial.Therewasobviouslysomethingthathewasn’texpecting.WeallwatchedandwonderedwhatwasgoingonasheturnedtoScottBlair’sfatherandthetwomenwhisperedtoeachotherangrily.Itendedwithbothmenlookingfurious.Thejudgeintervened.HesaidQuinnhadenoughtimetoconsultandheshouldcontinuewithhisquestioning.
“Whyshouldthejurybelieveamanwhokilledtwoofhisfriendsbydrivingdrunkintoatree?”Quinnasked.“Youwereinjailforkillingthoseboys,weren’tyou,BobbyGreen?Thenyoucamebackhereandchangedyournamesothatnobodywouldknowyourcriminalpast.”TherewasaneeriesilenceinthecourtamongthosewhorememberedthestoryofBobbyGreen.
“IchangedmynamejustlikeIsaidearlier,becauseIwantedanewbeginning.IservedtimewithVinceKnox.Hesavedmylife.Morethanonce.Iwantedtohonorhismemory.That’swhyIusehisname.Iknewthatnobodyherewouldhavegivenmeanypeaceifthey’dknownIwasBobbyGreen,”Knoxresponded.
Whenhewaseighteen,VinceKnox,whowasthenknownasBobbyGreen,droveapickupintoatreeonesummernight.Hisbloodalcoholcontentwastwicethelegallimit.Thevehicleturnedintoafireball.Hisfriendsdied.Hewasbadlyburned.Healmostdied.Hewashospitalizedformonthsandunderwentmultiplelifesavingsurgeries.He’llcarrythosescarstohisdyingday.Afterherecovered,hepleadedguiltytomanslaughterandservedtime.Intheyearsthatfollowed,hespentmoretimeinprisonthanoutofituntilhereturnedtoNeapolistostarthislifeafreshseveralyearsago.
IfQuinnthoughtthatdelvingintotheopenwoundsofVinceKnox’spastwouldprovokehimtoexplodeonthestand,thenhecouldn’thavebeenmorewrong.
VinceKnoxstoodup,aburlymanwiththinningbrownhairandaprotrudingbelly.Histattooedneckandscarsfrombeingstabbedinprisonattestedtohistroubledlife.
Withtearsinhiseyes,heturnedtothejury.“I’veneversaidIwasagoodman.I’vedoneplentywronginmylife.Plentytobeashamedof.Ikilledmyfriends.Drovethattruckstraightintoatree.Butthat’sgotnothingtodowithwhathappenedthatnight.Scott,hedidsomethingbadtothatgirl.Herapedher.Andthenhetoldherhe’ddoitagainifsheevertoldanyone.Iheardhimsayit.Everywordofit.”
VinceKnox’stestimonywasenoughforJudgeShawtorejectDaleQuinn’srequesttodismissthecaseduetolackofevidence.Quinnlookedcrestfallen.He’dwalkedintocourtthatmorningexpectingthecasewouldbeoverbylunchtime.Hewalkedoutliketherestofus,unsurewheretheverdictwasheaded.
MitchAlkinsandDaleQuinngavepowerfulclosingarguments.InAlkins’sversion,ScottBlairwasapredatoryrapist.Cruel,calculating.Heknowinglyandwithfullpremeditationentrappedateenagegirlandrapedhertowinacompetition.Hisconsciencewasguiltyfromthestart.Hetriedtoarrangeanalibianddidhisbesttowashawaytheevidence.InDaleQuinn’saccount,ScottBlairwas,atworst,animmaturejockfalselyaccusedafteraconsensualsexualtrystthatthegirlregrettedinhindsight,spurredonbyherangry,vengefulparentsandaprosecutor’sofficetryingtouseScottasahigh-profilescapegoattosatisfyapubliclusttojailmenaccusedofsexcrimes.
Asthejurorsfiledoutofcourttodeliberatetheverdict,IfeltasifIweresayinggoodbyetooldfriends.Atthestartofthetrial,thejurorswerestrangers.Toeachother.Tome.Toeveryoneincourt.
Overthecourseofthetrial,I’vecometoknowthemasindividuals.Theirfacialgestures.Theirnervoustics.I’veseenthemcry.Andlaugh.Rolltheireyesindisbelief.MostlyI’veseenthemstifleyawnswhiletheydiscreetlycheckedthetime.Aftertwoweeksoftestimony,they’renowtaskedwithdeterminingwhetherScottBlairisguiltybeyondareasonabledoubtofrapeandsexualassault.
Therearesomewhosaythatthereasonabledoubtburdenisoneofthereasonswhysofewrapecasesendinaconviction.It’sadifficultstandardtomeetwhenitcomestosexualassault,becauserarelyaretherewitnessesotherthanthepartiesthemselves.
Theideathatguiltmustbeprovenbeyondareasonabledoubtdatesbacktotheeighteenth-centuryBritishjuristSirWilliamBlackstone,whowroteinhisseminalworksthatunderpinourlegalsystem:“Betterthattenguiltypersonsescape,thanthatoneinnocentsuffer.”
Studiesshowthatrapiststendtoberepeatoffendersmorethanothercriminals.Theygoontorapeagain,atarateofaroundfiverapesintheirlifetime.Thatmeansthetenguiltyrapistswhoescape,toparaphraseSirBlackstone,mightgoontorapeanotherfortyinnocentwomen.IwonderwhatSirWilliamBlackstonewouldsayaboutthat?
Thejurorswillreviewtheevidenceandarguethemeritsofthecase.Thentheywillvoteuntiltheyreachaunanimousverdict.EithertheywillfindScottBlairguilty.Ortheywillfindhimnotguilty.Wewillfindoutinthecominghoursordays.
I’mRachelKrallandthisisGuiltyorNotGuilty,thepodcastthatputsyouinthejurybox.
51
Hannah
DearRachel,Letmestartbyapologizing.IpromisedmyselfthatIwouldrespectyourboundaries.I’verestrainedmyself.Ihaven’tleftlettersonyourcaroranywhereelseintrusiveforsometime.YethereIam,downstairsinthelobbyofyourhotel,writingthisnote.IpromisethatI’llleaveitjustoutsideyourdoor,followedbyaloudknocktoensurethatyou’llgetoutofbedtocollectit.I’mreadytomeetyou,Rachel.Tonight.AttheMorrison’sPointjetty.I’llgothereassoonasIdropofftheletter.Iknowit’slate,butpleasecome.Idon’tthinkIcandothisalone.
IknowwhokilledJenny.I’dtellthecops,butafterwatchingtheScottBlairrapetrialunravel,I’mnotconfidentajurywouldeverconvict.Thelackofforensicevidenceandthepassageoftimewouldworkagainstasuccessfulprosecution.There’sonewitnessfromthenightJennywaskilled.Areluctantwitness.Adyingwitness.YouledmetohimwhenIfollowedyourcartotheGoldenVistaretirementhome.
RicksawJenny’skiller.HetoldmesowhenIspokewithhimthismorning,afterhewasdischargedfromthehospitalwing.AtfirstRickpleadedignorance,butheeventuallyrelented.Hesaidthatitdidn’tmuchmatteranymoreifthetruthcameout.Apparently,hehasweekstolive.“Theycan’tdoanythingtomeinhell.”Helaugheddryly.Andthenhetoldmewhatherememberedfromthatnight.Hetoldmethenameoftheboyhe’dseenrunningawayfromthebeach.
ThankstoRick’srecollections,andmyownhazymemories,Ibelievehe’sright.Theonlywaytofindoutforsureistoaskhimstraightout.ToaskJenny’skiller.Hisconfessionmightbeallweget.
BelowistheletterthatI’vebeenwritingtoyouoverthepastfewdays,aboutwhathappenedthenightthatJennydied.Iwroteitinfitsandstarts,indifferentpens,andinhandwritingthatchangedwithmymoods.Ihopeit’slegibleenoughforyoutoread.
Afterthatdrunkboydisconnectedmycall,hesmashedthephonewiththereceiveruntilitwasamessofwires.Whenhewasdone,hekickedtheglassphoneboothdooruntilitshattered.Allthewhile,heheldmyupperarmsotightlythatitwasbruisedfordaysafterward.Myfeetwerebare.Bythetimehe’ddraggedmeacrosstheconcretetowardthebeach,thesolesofmyfeetwereslashedandembeddedwithglass.
HethrewmeonthesandnexttoJenny.Shewaslyingonthegroundnearthefireastheboysstoodoverher,drinking.
“Yourlittlesistercametotellyouthatyouneedtogohome.”Helaughed.Jennystaredatme.Thenumbexpressiononherfaceturnedtopanic.
“She’sthekidsister,”saidadrunkvoicefromthedark.“Whatdowedowithher?”
“Let’stakealookather.Maybeshe’soldenough.”
Ifeltahandgrabmychest.“Flatasapancake,”hesaid.“Definitelyunderage.”
Heflickeduptheskirtofmydress.Itriedtopullitdown.Itmadehimlaugh.Heflickeditupagain.Igrabbedthefoldsofmydressandheldthemtightlytomybody.
“Whatdowehavehere?”Hepushedmyhandsawayandpulledmyskirtupanywaysotheycouldallseemyunderwear.
“HelloKittypanties.Suchprettypanties.”Hepulledmetowardhimandwhisperedintomyearwithhisstaledrunkenbreath,“Doyouknowwhatagrown-upkittyiscalled?”Ishookmyhead.
“Please.I’lldowhateveryouwant.Leaveheralone.She’sjustakid.”Jenny’svoicewashoarse.
“Idon’tdolittlegirls,”saidone.“That’sdisgusting.”
“Whatdoyouthink,Bobby?”theboyholdingmecalledout.“Whichdoyouprefer,bigsisterorlittlesister?Youhaven’tshownanyinterestinbangingthebigsister.Maybeyou’dliketogivethelittleoneago.”
“Leaveheralone,”shoutedBobby.
“Areyousweetonher,Bobby?”theboyteased.“Ialwaysfiguredyoulikedthemyoung,”hesaid,flickingupmyskirtagainandlaughingasItriedtoholditdown.
Bobbydivedattheboyandpushedhimtotheground.Thoseboyswerestrong,butnothingcomparedtoBobbyGreeninarage.Hepunchedoneofthemuntilhe’dturnedhisfaceintoabloodypulp.Oneoftheotherskickedhimintheribstogethimtostop.TheydivedonhimandrolledtogetherinthedirectionofthebonfireuntilIheardBobbyscream.Ididn’tknowwhyuntilIsmelledburninghumanflesh.Afterthat,everythingwasablur.TherewerepanickedshoutsabouttakinghimtothehospitalandhowlsofagonizedpainfromBobby.Theycarriedhimtothetruck.Someoneranbackandkickedsandoverthebonfiretodousetheflames.Itwastheonewho’dbeendrivingthetruckthatveryfirstday.
“Youlistentome,yousluttylittlebitch,”hesnarled,liftingupJenny’sheadbyherhairashespoketoher.“Ifyouevertellanyonewhathappened,thenwe’lldotoyourlittlesisterwhatwedidtoyou.Butworse.Muchworse.Doyouunderstand?”
Jennynodded.
“Youlearnfast.”
Herantojointheothers,leavinguslyinginaheaponthebeach,clutchingeachotheraswewatchedthetruckreverse,itsheadlightsonasitspedoutoftheparkinglot.
“Jenny,”Ichoked.“Areyouallright?Let’sgohome.Canyouwalk?”
“No,”shemumbled.“Ineedanambulance.”
“Thetelephoneboothisbrokenandthere’snobodyaroundtohelp.Ican’tgetanambulance.”
“Thegasstation,”shewhispered.“It’sstillopen.”
“Comewithme,”Isobbed.“Idon’twanttoleaveyou.”
“Can’twalk.”Jennygroaned.“They’regonenow.I’llbeokay.I’llwaitforyouhere.”
Reluctantly,IleftJennycurleduponthebeachandtrudgedthroughthesand.SharpstonescutintomydamagedfeetasIcrossedtheparkinglotandwalkedalongtheshoulderoftheroadtothegasstation.Iblockedthepain,focusingongettingtothegasstationbeforeitclosedforthenight.
ItwasshuttingdownwhenIarrived.Fortunately,alightbythecashregisterwasstillon.Ienteredthroughtheautomaticdoors,unawarethatIwasleavingatrailofbloodacrossthewhite-tiledfloor.“We’reclosed,”saidRickwithoutlookingup.
“Ineedhelp.”Myvoicetrembled.Snotrandownmyface,mixingwithtears.“Ineedtocallanambulance.”
HelookedupandsawthebloodytrailthatI’dleftonthefloorandimmediatelypassedmethephone.WhileIdialed911andaskedforanambulance,Iheardhimcomplainingaboutthemessofbloodandmudthathe’dhavetocleanup.ButbythetimeI’dhungupthephone,Rickseemedshamefacedathisinitialreaction.HedrovemebacktothebeachinhistrucksoIcouldwaitwithJennyfortheambulancetoarrive.
Ijumpedoutwhenhepulledintotheparkinglot.Ilimpedontothebeachtowardthesmolderingremnantsofthebonfire.Jennywasallcurledupinthesamepositionthatshe’dbeeninwhenI’dgonetogethelp.ItwasonlywhenIwasveryclosethatIunderstoodthatshewasn’tthereatall.WhatIthoughtwasJennywastheshirtthatBobbyhadputoverhertokeepherwarm.
“Jenny?”Icalledout.“Jenny?”
Iwanderedaimlesslyacrossthebeach,lookingforJenny,untilthedarkskywascoloredbythebrightlightsofsirens.Uniformedfiguresrandowntothebeach.Istumbledtowardthem,stutteringthatmysisterhadgonemissing.IshiveredasIwatchedthemstandonthebeachandcombthewaterwithpowerfulflashlights.
“Iseesomething,”someonecalledoutfromnearthejetty.Hewadedwaistdeepintothewater,whileanotherheldhisflashlightunsteadilypointingintotheocean.
Irantotheedgeofthesurf.Thepolicemanwho’dgoneintothewaterwascomingout,pullingsomethingthroughthewhitefoamofabrokenwave.ItwasJenny.Herblondhairhadspreadacrossthewaterlikeamermaid.
“Jenny?”Iscreamed.Hereyeswereopen,buttheywereunblinking.“Jenny!”
Ifellontoherthemomenttheypulledheroutofthewater.Shewascold.Icecold.Someonepulledmeawayfromher.“She’sgone,”hesaidasIheardasirenapproach.“She’sgone.”
Iscreamed,butnotasoundcameout.
52
Rachel
ThejettygroanedundertheassaultofwindandmidnighttidesasRachelwalkedintotheblackmistthatshroudedthecoastline.
Whenshereachedtheendofthejetty,shelookedouttoseabutsawnothing.Itlookedasiftheoceanandtheskyhadmergedintoablackabyss.Shestoodwithbothhandsontherail,herfacewhippedbytheicyAtlanticwindassheenjoyedthesensationofbeingalonewiththeelements.
AsliverofmoonfromashiftingcloudeasedthedarknessenoughforRacheltoseehersurroundings.That’swhensherealizedthatshewasn’talone.Afigureinthecornerhadbeenobservingher.
HannahwasshorterthanRachel,withcroppeddarkhairandbrighteyes.Sheworeablackcrochetedcardiganthatreacheddowntoherknees,anddarkjeanswithblackhigh-heelboots.ShewaitedshylyforRacheltoapproach,uncertainofwhatreceptionshe’dget.
Rachelmovedtowardherwordlessly.Whentheywereclose,shewrappedherarmsaroundHannahinawarmembrace.
“I’msorryforeverythingyou’vebeenthrough,”saidRachel,hervoicethickwiththesadnessthathadclungtohersinceshe’dreadHannah’sfinalletter
“I’msogratefulthatyoucame,”saidHannah.“IwasworriedthatI’dhavetodothisalone.”
Theyrestedtheirbacksagainstthejettyhandrail,buffetedbywind,astheylookedouttoshore,waitingforJenny’skillertoarrive.
“Maybeit’snothim,”saidRachelwithashiverwhenminutespassedandhestillhadn’tarrived.Abreakingwavesplashedacrosstheweatheredtimberbeams,soakinghersneakersandwettingherjeans.Shezippedupherwaterproofjacketandputthehoodoverherheadtocoverherauburnhair,whichhadbecomeunrulyinthewind.
Hannahshruggeduncertainly.“We’llfindoutsoonenough.Ifheturnsup,itwillconfirmthathedidit.Onlyaguiltymanwouldcomeheretonight.Let’swaitalittlelonger.”
“Whatareyouhopingtogetfromhim?Andme?”
“Iwanthimtoconfess.AndIwantyoutobeawitnesstohisconfession.Itmightbetheonlyevidenceweeverget.”Hannahhesitated.“Ifyoufeellikeit’stoodangerous,youcango.I’llwait.I’vewaitedalifetime.Icanwaitalittlelonger.”
“I’llstay,”saidRachel.“I’llbeyourwitness.Iwon’tletitbeyourwordagainsthis.”Shecrossedhershiveringarmstostaywarmasshelookedoutinthedirectionofthebeach.Thesweepingcoastallandscapethathadbecomesofamiliartoherhadturnedintoavastswathofimpenetrabledarknessinthenight.
Minuteslater,theysawtwobrightorbsmovingalongthecoastalroad.Theorbssloweddownandturnedtowardthebeachparkinglot.Theywerecarheadlights.Theheadlightsstoppedmoving,buttheyremainedlitastheypointedtowardthejettyonhighbeam.Thedriverhadparkedthecarfacingtheocean,lookingforthem.Eventuallythelightsturnedoffandeverythingwasdarkagain.
RachelandHannahbothknewthathewaswalkingtowardthem,eventhoughtheycouldn’tseehimatallinthedark.Norcouldtheyhearhisfootstepsoverthehowlingwind.Rachelhadretreatedtothefarcornerofthejettysothathewouldn’trealizethatHannahwasn’talone.
Itwasonlywhenhe’dreachedtheendofthejettyandhewascloseenoughforRacheltoseehisfacethatshefeltacoldnessinthepitofherstomach.Itcouldn’tbehim.Ithadtobeaterriblemistake.
“Igotyournote.IcametosaythatI’msorry,”hesaidtoHannah.“Andtoaskyoutoleavethepastalone.”
Hehadn’tyetnoticedRachel,whohadblendedintothethickfogofnightinherdarkclothesandupturnedjackethoodandcollar.Shestayedsilentasshelistenedtothemtalk,discreetlyopeningthevoicerecorderapponherphoneinherpocketsothatshecouldrecordtheconversation.
“Howhaveyoulivedwithyourselfalltheseyears,afterwhatyoudid?”Hannahasked.
“Iwasadifferentpersoninthosedays.Akid.Messedupondrugsandalcohol.Ihatedtheworld,”hesaid.“I’mashamedofwhatIdid.IhatewhoIwasinthosedays.I’mnothinglikethatpersonanymore.”Hisvoicecrackedwithemotion.“I’veagonizedoverwhathappenedeverydaysince.”
“Yourapedandmurderedmysister,”saidHannah.
“WhatmakesyouthinkIkilledher?”hesaid.Hiddenintheshadows,Rachelcouldn’thelpnoticingthathehadn’tdeniedthefirstaccusation.
“Iknowitwasyou.Whydidyoudoit?”
Finally,hebrokedownashespokeinachokingvoice.“Ididn’tplantokillher.Itjusthappened,”hesaid.“WeleftherlyingonthesandwhilewecarriedBobbytothetrucktodrivehimtothehospital.IpanickedandtoldmyfriendLucastopulloveratthenextbeach.Irealizedthatshewasevidenceofwhatwedid.Thatwe’dgotoprisonbecauseofher.Eitherforherrape,orBobby’sdeathifhedidn’tmakeit.Orboth.Shewaswhatmyfathercalled‘asloppylooseend.’Icarriedherontothejetty.Justoverthere.”Hepointedtoasiderailinthemiddleofthejetty,hisfacepained.“AndIdroppedherintothewaterandreturnedtomyfriendsinthetruck.”
“You’dalreadyhurthersomuch,”sobbedHannah.“Whydidyouhavetokillher?Whydidyouhavetotakeherfromme?”
“I’msorry,”hesaid.“I’msorryforallofit.”
“Ifyoureallyaresorry,thenyou’lltellthecopswhatyoudid,”saidHannah.
Herubbedhisagonizedfacewithhishands.Thenslowly,asiffightinghisworstinstincts,heputhishandinthebackofhisjeansandremovedahandgunfromthewaistband.HepointeditatHannahwithahandassteadyashisvoice.
“Iwon’tbedoinganyconfessing,”hesaid.“Whycouldn’tyouleavethepastalone?”
“Becauseit’stimethetruthcameout.It’stimethateveryoneknewthatJennydidn’tdrown.Thatshewasgang-rapedandmurderedhere.Byyouandyourfriends.”
Hetookthesafetycatchoffthegunwithhisfinger.“There’snoevidencethatIdidit.Nothingatall.Hemadesureofthat.”
“Whomadesureofthat?”Rachelasked,steppingoutoftheshadows.
Rachelpulledoffthehoodofherjacketsothathecouldseeher.They’dmetenoughtimesbeforethatherecognizedhervoiceevenbeforehesawherdistinctiveauburnhair.
DanMoore’sfaceturnedpale.HeturnedtowardHannahinconfusion,wavingthegununsteadilyinhergeneraldirection.
“Youtoldmeitwouldjustbethetwoofus,”hetoldHannah.
“Andyoubroughtagun,”shenoted.
“I’lldowhateverisneededtoprotectmyfamily,”hesaid.“ItwouldcrushKellyifsheknewwhathappenedallthoseyearsago.Iwasakidthen.Whycan’tyoubothunderstandthatIhavechanged?Iwasinadarkplace.Myfatherwasabusive.AllIeverknewwasviolence.IttookwhathappenedtoJennytomakemerealizethatIwasbecominglikemyfather.I’vespentalltheseyearsmakingamends.”
Rachelmovedtowardhim.“Hannah’slivedherwholelifewonderingwhathappenedthatnight.Tellherandthenmaybeshe’llagreenottotakethistotheauthorities.She’llmoveonwithherlifeandallowyoutomoveonwithyours.Isn’tthatwhatyouwant?”
Danranhishandthroughhislighthair,tryingtodecideonhisnextmove.Hesighedandthenunburdenedhimselfinarushofwords.
“AfterIthrewJennyintothewater,Iwentbacktothepickup.Bobbyhadfaintedfromthepain.Theothertwohaddrunktherestofourliquorstashwhiletheywaited.Theywereinnoconditiontodrive.Itookthecarkeysanddroveonthebackroadstothenorthoftown.WearguedaboutwhatweshoulddowithBobby.Iwantedtotakehimtothehospital.Theotherssaidweshouldkillhim.WewereallarguingaboutitandIlostcontrolandslammedintoatree.Ihadnoideawhattodo.Myfriendsweredead.Orclosetoit.Icalledmydadfromapayphonefurtherdowntheroad.Hecamewithinminutes.HeputBobbyinthedriver’sseatandsetfiretothetruck.SaiditwastheonlywaytoexplainBobby’sburns,”hesaid.“Wewenthome.Hebeatmesenselessinthegarage,fracturedmyarm,andthentoldmeifanyoneaskedthatIshouldsaywe’dspentafather-soneveningtogetherwatchingabaseballgame.”Heletoutabitterlaugh.“Myfatherwasmyalibi.Youcan’tgetabetteralibiwitnessthanthechiefofpolice.”
“Itdidn’tallgoaccordingtoplan,though.SomehowBobbygotoutofthetruck,”saidRachel.
“Bobbymusthavebecomeconsciousbeforethefirereachedthecabandthetruckblewup.Hewalkedafewstepsandcollapsedinaditch.Someonereportedtheexplosiontonine-one-one,andthecopscameandtookhimtothehospital.Itwastouchandgofordays.Wehonestlythoughthe’ddie.Hepulledthrough,butheneverrememberedanythingaboutthatnight.Whentheychargedhimforrecklessdrivingandmanslaughterhepleadedguiltyandservedthetime.”
“Andtheboyswhowerekilled?”Rachelasked.
“Theyweretherealringleaders.They’dplannedthewholething.AaronandLucas.They’dhadathingforJennyforalongtime.BothBobbyandIwereyoungerthanthem.Wewerepulledintotheirgangforourownreasons.Forme,itwasawaytoescapemydad’sfists.ForBobby,well,hewaslookingtobelong,”Dansaid.“Iregretwhathappened,morethanIcanevertellyou.”Hisvoicebroke.“Sometimes,IthinkthatwhathappenedtoKellywaspunishmentforwhatIdidtoJenny.”
“Ifyouregretit,thenputthegundown,”saidRachel.
“Ifitwasjustaboutme,thenIwouldn’tcare.ButIcan’tallowthistocomeout,”heresponded,hiseyesnarrowedinconcentration.HeshiftedtheweapontothecenterofRachel’schestandthenbacktoHannah,asiftryingtodecidewhichoneofthemtoshootfirst.“Ican’tallowKellytofindout.Itwouldkillhertoknowthatherfatherwasonceamonster.”
“You’restillamonster,”saidRachel.“Lookatyou.You’rewillingtokillHannahandmetocoverupforyourcrimes.YoushouldknowthatI’verecordedeverythingyousaidandit’sautomaticallyuploadedontomycloud.EvenifIdie,theaudiowillbefoundbymyproducer.Killinguswillonlymakethingsworseforyou.”
DanorderedRacheltohandoverherphone.Shetossedittohim.Hecaughtitwithhisfreehandandfumbledwithitashetriedtoseeifshewastellingthetruth.Eventually,unabletofigureitout,hethrewthephoneintothewater.
“Standonthejettyledge,”heordered.
RachelclimbedoverthejettyrailsandHannahfollowedsuit.Bothwomenhadtheirbackstotherailsastheyfacedthechasmoftheocean.Thewaveshittheirfeetandsplashedagainsttheirclothes.Rachel’sarmsachedfromreachingbehindherbacktoclutchtherailsoshewouldn’tfallintothewater,thejettyshiftingeachtimeitwashitbyastrongwave.
Shehadliedwhenshe’dsaidtherecordingoftheirconversationwasonhercloud.Itdidn’tautomaticallyupload.Andevenifithad,thenoisefromthewindandthrashingwaveswassoloudthatshedoubtedanythingrecordedwouldbeaudible.
RachelandHannahstoodnexttoeachotheragainstthejettyrails,facingtheocean,theirarmscrampingandtheirbodytremblingfromcoldasminutespassed.ItwasonlywhenRachelturnedherheadandsawcarheadlightsmovinginthedarknesstowardtheroadthatsherealizedhe’dleftthemthereandmadeagetaway
“He’sgone,”RachelwhisperedtoHannah.Hannahdidn’trespond.RachelturnedandsawthatHannahwasn’tthereanymore.She’ddroppedintotheseaandwasbeingenvelopedbywaves.
Racheljumpedintothewater,scramblingarounduntilshewasclutchingHannahbyherarm,tryingtokeepboththeirheadsabovewater.They’ddriftedfarenoughawayfromthejettythatshecouldn’tclimbbackup.Theywouldhavetoswimtoshore.
RachelfelttheweightofherwetclothesandHannah’sweighingthemdownintotheroughwater.SheusedallherstrengthtogetHannahtolieflatandfloat,butitwasimpossible.Hannah’slongcardiganwasdraggingherunderwater.RachelrippedthesweateroffHannah’sshoulders,pullingtheheavyfabricoffheruntilitfloatedaway.ShegrabbedHannahandpulledheralongtotheshore.
“Staywithme,Hannah,”Rachelsoothed.“You’regoingtobeokay.Ipromise.”
Rachel’seyesstungfromthesaltwater,andherbodyachedfromtryingtostayafloatandguideHannahtosafetyinthechoppywaves.Whensheranoutofstrength,sherelaxedandallowedthemtodriftinthesurfuntilshefeltsandunderherfeet.Slowly,shecrawledoutofthewater,pullingHannahwithheruntiltheywerelyingonthebeach.
Rachelbreathedheavily,herpulseracing.Hannah’seyeswereopen,butshewastremblingviolentlyfromthecold.
Inthedistance,Rachelheardsirens.Theyrosetoacrescendoandthenstoppedabruptly.Momentslater,shesawdarkfiguresrunningandthenbeamsofflashlightssweptacrossthebeach.“We’rehere,”Rachelcalledout,wavingherhandlimply.
RachelsatslumpedinanarmchairnexttothehospitalbedwhereHannahwasfastasleep.Sheherselfhadsleptlittlethatnight,wakingintermittentlyasdoctorsandnursescameinandoutoftheroomthroughthenighttocheckonHannah.
DetectiveCooperhadmettheambulanceatthehospital.HannahwasrushedintotheERandimmediatelytreatedforhypothermiaandingestingwater.Rachelhadinsistedthatshedidn’tneedmedicalattention.Allshewantedwasahotshowerandafreshchangeofclothes.DetectiveCooperhaddrivenherbacktothehotelsoshecouldgetjustthat.She’dtoldhimonthedriveoverwhathadhappenedandhowshe’dtextedPetesurreptitiouslywhenDanMoorepulledoutthegun.HetoldhergrimlythatitwasluckythatPetehadbeenawakeandcalledemergencyservices.
WhenRachelwasshoweredanddressed,sheinsistedonreturningtocheckonHannah.DetectiveCooperhaddroppedRachelbackatthehospitalandshe’dspentwhatremainedofthenightsleepingunderablanketinthearmchairnexttoHannah’sbed.
RachelopenedhereyestoseeDetectiveCooperstandingoverher,holdingoutalargetakeoutcoffeeandawhitepaperbag.“Ibroughtyousomebreakfast,”hesaidasRachelpushedawaytheblanketandsatup.Sherubbedhereyesandstifledayawnasshetookthecoffeecup.
“HasDanMoorebeenarrestedyet?”Rachelasked.
Hannahshiftedslightlyinhersleepbutdidn’twake.Thesedativethedoctorshadgivenherhadn’twornoffyet.
“Hiscarwasfoundabandoned.Wewenttothefamilyhouse,buttherewasnobodythere.AneighbortoldusthatKellyandhermotherlefttownthedaythatshewassupposedtohavetestifiedagain,”DetectiveCoopersaid.“They’verelocatedtotheWestCoast.AsforDan,he’sontherun.”
Hisbloodshoteyesattestedtothefactthathehadn’tsleptatallsincehe’dbeenwokenbyacallfromRachelatthebackoftheambulance,askinghimtomeetheratthehospital.
Hepulledtheblindsbackslightlysohecouldseeoutintothebrightsunshineofthemorning.HeturnedaroundtolookatHannah,stillfastasleep.Herskinwasalmostaswhiteasthehospitalsheetsandherfacelookedinnocent,andchildlike,assheslept.
“Youneverforgetyourfirstdeathnotification,”hesaid.“JennyStillswasmine.IneverimaginedthatIwasbeingsentouttohermother’shousetodeliverthatterriblenewsbecausethepolicechiefwantedmeoutofthewaysohecouldgetmypartnertocoverupJenny’srapeandmurder.”
“Didn’tyouaskquestionsafterward,givenhowcloselyyouwereinvolvedinthecase,helpingHannahandgivingthedeathnotificationtohermother?”Rachelasked.
Heshookhishead.“IwassentstraightfromJenny’shousetoworkaroadblocknearthecar-accidentscene.Afterthat,Iwenthomeandslept.WhenIreturnedtowork,mypartnertoldmehehadgoodnews,thatsomeonehaddroppedoutofapolice-trainingcoursethatI’dappliedforinCharlotte.Therewasaspotforme,butIhadtoleaverightaway.WhenIfinishedthecourse,IwasimmediatelyofferedajuniordetectivejobinRhodeIsland,”hesaid.
“WasRussMoore’shandinthat,too?”Rachelasked.
“Probably.ThechiefinRhodeIslandwasanoldfriendofRussMoore.I’msurehecalledinafavor,”hesaid,lookingbackoutthewindow.“MitchaskedmetogetholdoftheautopsyreportforJennyStills.Ispoketoafriend.Theyfoundthefile,buttherewasnothinginit.Russdidathoroughjobofdestroyinganyevidenceshewasmurdered.”
Rachelpouredapacketofbrownsugarintohercoffeeandstirreditinthesilencethatfollowed.RussMoorehadownedthetownwhenhewaspolicechief.He’dhadsomuchpowerthathewasabletodowhateverhewanted.He’dterrorizedhiswifeandson,drivinghiswifetosuicide.He’dframedBobbyGreenastheperpetratorofthefatalcarcrashthathadshockedNeapolis,eventhoughhisownsonhadbeenbehindthewheel.And,perhapsmosthorrifyingly,he’dmadesurehismostloyalpoliceofficerscovereduptherapeandmurderofJennyStills.DetectiveCooper’sphonebeeped.Hetookitoutofhispocketandreadthemessage.
“It’sfromMitch,”hesaid.“Thejuryhasreachedaverdict.”
53
GuiltyorNotGuilty
Season3,Episode12:TheVerdict
TodayScottBlairwokeupinhisbed.Maybeforthelasttimeinalongtime.Hedressedinnavypantsandabluesweater.Hebrushedhisteeth.Heshaved.Heprobablyhadbreakfast,despitewhatI’msurewerenervousbutterfliesinhisstomach.
Beforeheleftforcourt,maybehestuckhisheadintohisbedroomforafinallook.I’mbettinghewonderedwhetherhe’dsleepinhisbedthatnightorhe’dbeinacellinaprison-issuejumpsuit,servingthefirstnightofalongprisonsentence.
WhenScottBlairarrivedincourt,surroundedbyhislawyers,hisparentsnervouslyshufflinginbehindhim,helookedlikeadeercaughtinheadlights.He’dlostcontrolofhislifetotwelveordinarypeoplefromvariouswalksoflifewhosatinjudgmentofhim.Twelvestrangerswhowoulddecidehisfate.
Heknewthepowertheyhadoverhimashewatchedthejuryfileinwithfixedexpressionsandgrittedteeth.Youcouldalmostseehimaskinghimselfthequestion:“HowdidIscrewupmylifesobadlythatIendeduphere?”
Ittooklessthantwodaysforthejurytoreachaverdict.Theysiftedthroughtheevidencemethodicallyandpatiently.TheyaskedJudgeShawforclarificationonquestionsoflaw.Theyreviewedthicktranscriptsoftestimony.Thejurydidn’thaveK’stestimonytoconsider.Thatwasstruckfromtherecord.Theydidn’thaveScottBlair’stestimony,either.Henevertookthestand.Yettheyreachedaunanimousverdict.Byearlyafternoon,thecourtroomwasfullaswewaitedtoheartheirdecision.
JudgeShawaskedthedefendanttostand.Scottstoodandsortofpuffedouthischeeksasifhewastakingahugelungfulofoxygenashewaitedfortheverdicttobereadout.
Thejuryforemanpassedaslipofpapertothebailiff.ScottBlair’sparentstightenedtheirgriponeachother’shandsasthepaperwashandedtoJudgeShaw.Hismotherflinchedasthejudgeopenedthefoldedsheet.Alleyeswereonthejudge’sexpressionashereadthejury’sverdict.Hisfacewasinscrutable.
Thenheputthepaperdownandclearedhisthroat.CynthiaBlairputherhandoverhermouthandclosedhereyes.Herson’sfatewasabouttobesealed,onewayortheother,andtherewasnothingshecoulddoaboutit.
ScottBlair’sposturerelaxedforaninstantwhenthewords“notguilty”rangout.Buttheywerequicklyfollowedby“guilty,”“guilty.”Heflinchedeachtime.Itwasasiftheairhadbeensuckedoutofthecourtroom.
ThejuryfoundScottBlair“notguilty”ofrapingK.Butitfoundhimguiltyononecountofsexualassaultandtwocountsofsexualbattery.
Manyofyoumayagreewiththeverdictafterlisteningtothetestimonyandreviewingtheevidencethatwe’veputonthepodcastwebsite.We’vealsouploadedananalysisfromalawprofessoraboutwhythecasemightnothavemetthelegaldefinitionofrapeinNorthCarolina,whichrequiresthreats,suchastheuseofadeadlyweapon,forasexualassaulttobedeemedrapeinthatstate.
Someofyou,nodoubt,willsaythatit’satravestyofjustice.ThatScottBlairshouldhavebeenconvictedonthemostseriouschargeofrape.Otherswillsaythatheshouldn’thavebeenconvictedatall.Thattherewasn’tenoughevidencetoconvicthimbeyondareasonabledoubt.
I’msureI’llgetmessagesfrompeopleexpressingallsortsofopinions.Believeme,I’veheardeverypossibleviewduringmybrieftimeinNeapoliscoveringthistrial.I’vereceivedafloodofmessagesarguingthemeritsofchemicalcastration.Andotheremailstellingmethatrapistsdeservetodie.I’vealsoreceivedplentyofmessagesinsupportofScottBlair,accusingKofallmannerofsins,includingthesinoflying.
Totellyouthetruth,Idon’tgethowwecanalmostunanimouslyagreethatmurderiswrong,yetwhenitcomestorapesomepeoplestillseeshadesofgray.Atleastjudgingbyourinboxandsocialmedia,whichmyproducer,Pete,hasbeenmonitoringcloselyoverthecourseofthisseason.
Whilethecasemightbeoverincourt,theappealswillstartalmostimmediately,evenbeforeScottBlair’ssentenceishandeddown.Butregardlessofhowmuchprisontimehegets,Scottwillpayforwhathedidfortherestofhislife.Hislifeasheknewitisover.Heisnowaconvictedsexoffender.He’llbeontheregistry.He’llnever,everswimcompetitivelyagain.Letaloneforhiscountry.
AsforK,thevictim.She’smovedawaytostartanewlifesomewhereelse.Perhapstheverdictwillgiveherameasureofpeace.Ihopeso.
Thejurorswillreturntothemundaneworriesoftheirday-to-daylives.Keepingtheirbusinessesafloat,ortheiremployershappy.Raisingchildrenandgrandchildren.Payingmortgages.ButIcan’thelpthinkingthatthiscasewillhangheavilyovertheminyearstocome.It’saterriblethingforapersontohavetostandinjudgmentofanother.
ThisisRachelKrallandthiswasSeason3ofGuiltyorNotGuilty,thepodcastthatputsyouinthejurybox.
54
Rachel
Rachelpulledhersuitcaseacrossthehotellobby.Shewaslookingforwardtogettinghome.TheradioreportsthatmorninghadwarnedthatatropicalstormoutintheAtlanticwasstrengtheningandmightberecategorizedasahurricaneasitmovedtowardthecoast.Rachelwantedtobefargonebythetimeithit.Shepausedwhenshesawatallmanleaningagainstafauxmarblecolumn,hisarmscrossed.
“You’renotstayingforthesentencing?”MitchAlkinsasked.
“Ihavetoheadback,”Rachelsaid.“WhatdoyouthinkScottwillget?”
“Ataguess,aroundeighttotenyears.He’safirst-timeoffender.Idon’tthinkJudgeShawwillthrowthebookathim.Butwhoknows,”saidAlkins.“Onethingisforsure;thedefensewillappeal.JudgeShawmightlosethatnonreversalrecordhe’ssoproudof.”
“I’msureyou’lldoeverythinginyourpowertomakesurethatdoesn’thappen,”Rachelsaid.Hesmileddeterminedly.RachelhadnodoubtthatMitchAlkinswouldseetoitthatScottBlairreceivedaheftyprisontermandservedeverydayofit.
“Doyouhavetimeforaquickdrive?”Alkinsasked.“Iwanttoshowyousomething.”Rachellookedathimquestioningly.Therewasastrangenoteinhisvoice.Shehadafeelinghewashidingsomething.
Racheldecidedtodelayherdepartureeventhoughshe’dhopedtogetoutoftownbeforethehighwaysnarledupwithcarsleavingbeforethestormhit.RachelstoredherbagsinthehotelluggageareaandfollowedAlkinsouttothestreetwherehe’dparkedhisblackJeep.Theydrovesouthalongthebeachroad.Alkinsdidn’tsaywherehewastakingher.Shedidn’tneedtoask.
WhentheyarrivedattheMorrison’sPointbeach,heparkedrightnexttoDetectiveCooper’scar.Shesawtheglintofthedetective’sblondhairattheendofthejetty,wherehestoodlookingouttosea.Theskywasovercastandforbidding.Therewerenoboatsinthewater.Itwasn’tsailingweather.Fishermenwerescatteredintheirusualspotsacrossthejetty,theirlineshangingintotheroughwater.Acoupleofteenageboysjumpedintothewaves,despitetheoldwarningsign.
“Dumbkids,”afishermancomplained.“They’rescaringallthefishaway.”
DetectiveCooperturnedandwavedtothemastheyapproached.StandingalongsidehimwasHannah.Shewaswearingastripedgypsyskirtandacroppeddenimjacket.RachelcouldseeahintofablackhennatattoogoingdownthebackofHannah’sneckassheleanedovertheedge,throwingflowersintothewater.
RachelhadlastspokentoHannahinthehospital.She’dbeensittingupinbedpickingatherlunchtraywhenRachelcameintoherroomwithabigbouquetofget-wellflowers.They’dtalkedforawhile,untilvisitinghourshadended.
HannahhadtoldRachelthatshewasn’tsureifshe’dslippedintothewaterthatnight,orifherarmshadgivenout,or,sheconceded,ifshehadfinallyansweredthebeckoningcalloftheocean.“Regardless,”she’dsaid,“I’msogratefultoyou,Rachel.Youriskedyourlifeforme.”
HannahturnedandsmiledatRachelwhensherealizedthatshe’djoinedthemonthejetty.ShehandedRachelsomeflowersandtogethertheytossedtheremainingdaisiesintothewater.Whentheyweredone,theystoodtogetherwatchingthefloatingpetalsgetconsumedbywavesuntiltheydisappearedunderthesurface.
“IcandropyouoffatKitty’shouseonmywayback,”Racheloffered.“There’sastormcoming.Youmightwanttogetoutofherenowwhilethegoing’sgood.”
“Idon’twanttoleavesoquickly.Stormornostorm,I’mgoingtostayforawhile,”Hannahsaid.“MaybeI’lldosomepainting.There’sagalleryownerwho’sbeenpesteringmetohaveanexhibition,andIwasthinkingIcouldputtogetheracollectionofpaintingsofNeapolistogowithmyotherworkandholdanexhibitionnextspring.”
SheturnedtoRachelandtouchedherarm.“Iwanttoapologize.Imanipulatedyouwithmyletterssoyou’dhelpmefindJenny’smurderer,andthenIbroughtyoutothejettyandputyourlifeatrisk.Ihadnorighttoputyouinsuchdanger.IwassofocusedontryingtogethimtoconfessthatIdidn’tconsiderthepossibilitythathemightkillusbothtomakesurehiscrimesstayedasecret.”
“Fortunately,thatdidn’thappen.We’rebothaliveandwell,”saidRachel.“Andnow,whenhe’scaught,Icantestifytohisconfession.”
“Didn’tyouhear?”saidHannahuncertainly,glancingoverRachel’sshoulderatDetectiveCooper.
“Hearwhat?”Rachelasked.
“DanMoore’sbodywasfoundearlythismorning,”DetectiveCoopersaid.“Hewasinthewater,tiedbyaropetooneofhisboats.Hetriedtomakeitlooklikeaboatingaccident,buthewasanexperiencedsailor.Amanlikethatwithallhisnavalexperiencedoesn’tgetcaughtinrigginganddrown.Notunlessheintendsit.”
“Iguesshediditforhisdaughter?”Rachelsaid.“Soshewouldn’thavetocopewithhimbeingputontrialaftereverythingelseshe’shadtodealwith?”
“Probably,”saidDetectiveCooper.“It’sunfortunate,though.DanMooredeservedtobepunishedforwhathedidtoJenny,andtoBobbyGreen.HeknewBobbyGreenneverkilledthoseboysinthatcarcrash,buthelethimserveyearsinprisonforit.Ruinedhislife,”hesaid,shakinghishead.“IspoketoBobbyearlierandtoldhimhewasneverresponsibleforthoseboysdyinginthataccident.Itoldhimwhatreallyhappenedthatnightandhowhegotburned.Hesobbedlikeababy.”
“Heruinedmylife,too,”whisperedHannah.“Notanymore.Fromnowon,I’mdoingrightbymysisterandmymother.I’mgoingtoliveafulllifeinsteadofoneconsumedbyguilt.”
“Youhavenothingtofeelguiltyabout.Youneverdidanythingwrong,Hannah,”saidRachelsoftly.“Youwereakid.”
“Iknowthatnow,”Hannahsaid.“I’llneverbeabletothankyouenoughforwhatyoudidforme,Rachel.Youcouldhaveignoredme,putmedownasacrazystalker,butyoubelievedmeandyouwerethereformethatnightonthejetty.WefinallyknowwhathappenedtoJenny.”
“I’dliketoshowyousomething,”saidMitchAlkins,hisvoicehusky.“Youtoo,Rachel.”
Heledthemalldownthejettyuntiltheyreachedthehalfwaypoint.EmbeddedinthetimberhandrailwasabrassplaquecommemoratingthedeathofJennyStills.ItwassignedThePeopleofNeapolis.
“Itwasengravedimmediatelyafterthemayorsignedoffonityesterday,”Alkinssaid.“HewantedtohonorJenny’smemoryhereattheplacewhereshewasmurdered.Hesaiditwaslongoverdue.”
Hannahranherfingersovertheengravingontheplaqueastearswetherface.Itwasasmallstepbutanimportantone.Itcorrectedtherecordofwhathadhappenedtohersisteronthatbeachtwenty-fiveyearsearlier.
RachelandAlkinsslowlywalkedbacktohiscar.ItwastooloudforthemtotalkovertheroarofwinduntiltheywereintheJeepandthedoorswereshut.
“Doyouregretcomingbacktolivehere?”Rachelaskedashedroveherbacktothehotel.
“Almosteveryday,”headmitted.
“Sowhycomeback?”Rachelasked.
“It’salongstorythatIcan’tgointowithoutviolatingattorney-clientprivilege.Let’sjustsaythatIhadacasethatleftmequestioningeverythingIeverbelievedin.”Hisvoicewaslowandpensive.
Whentheyreachedthehotel,RachelleanedforwardandimpulsivelykissedMitchonthecheekbeforeclimbingoutofthecar.Hesatbehindthewheelwiththeenginestillrunning,watchinghergothroughtherevolvingdoorbeforeheslowlydroveoff.
Rachelcollectedherluggagefromthebellboyandheadedtowardthebasementparkinglotelevator.Shestoppedabruptlyasshenoticedatouriststandingatthegildednightingalecage,snappinghisfingersashetriedtogettheterrifiedbirdtosing.Whenthatdidn’twork,themantappedthecageuntilitrockedandthebirdflutteredaboutinconfusion.
ThehotelmanagerwasonthephonewhenRachelstormedintohisoffice.Shehelpedherselftoachairbyhisdeskwhilehehastilyfinishedhiscall,andthenshetoldhiminnouncertaintermswhatshewanted.
Thirtyminuteslater,Rachelwasinhercar,drivingdownthecongestedmainstreet,headingoutoftown.Sheturneduptheradiotohearanewsupdate.Thenewscasterannouncedthatifthestormmaintaineditscurrenttrajectory,itwouldhitlandfallalongthecoastlinewithinforty-eighthours.“ResidentsofNeapolisandnearbytownsarebeingtoldtopreparefortheworstandtoimplementtheirhurricane-disasterplans,”theannouncersaid.“Ifyoucangetoutoftown,thengo.There’sstilltime.”
ThetrafficwasheavyonthewayoutofNeapolis.Rachelstoppedataredlightnexttoastripmallandwatchedatradesmanonaladderhammeraplywoodsheettoprotectashopwindow.Rachelputherfootontheacceleratorwhenthelightchangedanddrovethrough.
Shecheckedhervoicemailmessagesasshemergedontothestatehighway.“Rachel!”ItwasPete.Hesoundedexcited.“I’vefoundacaseforSeason4.I’vestartedresearchingit.Ithinkwe’reontosomethingincredible.Thiswillbethebestseasonever.CallmeandI’lltellyouaboutit.”Rachelhitdelete.Therewasalongbeepbeforethenextmessage.
“Rachel,thisisCynthiaBlairhere,”saidthecrispvoice.“IjustwanttosaythatIhopeyouareverysatisfiedwithyourself.Youtolduswhenwemetthatyouwerecoveringthetrialtogettothetruth.Clearly,youdon’tcareabouttruth.Allyoucareaboutisfame,andmoney,”shesaid.“Yougotyourratings.Didn’tyou,Rachel?That’swhatit’sallabout.Youdiditbydemonizingmysonanddeprivinghimofafairtrial.Idon’tunderstandhowyoucanlivewithyourself.Ireallydon’t.”
Rachelspedupasthemessageendedabruptlywithaclick.Shedroveforawhileinsilenceassheshiftedlanes,navigatingthroughthecongestiononthehighway.Shepressedhardontheacceleratoruntiltheothercarswerewellbehindherandthecharcoalasphaltofthehighwaystretchedsofarinfrontofherthatitlookedasifitmightreachthesky.
Rachel’seyesflickedtoherrearviewmirrorassheheardaflutterfromthebackseat.Thenightingalewasrockingcontentedlyontheperchinthebirdcage.
Acknowledgments
Isometimesjokethatwritinganovelisthewritingequivalentofrunningamarathon.It’sexhaustingandsolitarywork,requiresextremediscipline,andthere’snoassuranceofmakingittothefinishline.Thesimilarityextendsbeyondthewritingbecause,justaswithmarathons,therearemanypeoplebehindthesceneswhoplaycriticalandoftenunsungroles.IwishtoextendmydeepestappreciationtoCharlesSpicer,forhisinvaluableadviceasIworkedonthisnovel.IammostgratefultoJenniferEnderlin,SarahGrill,andtherestofthetalentedteamatSt.Martin’sPressandMacmillan.Itisanenormousprivilegetohaveyouallinmycorner.Thankyoutomyagent,DavidGernert,andEllenCoughtrey,aswellastoRebeccaGardnerandtherestoftheteamatTheGernertCompany.ToAliWattsandthe“randompenguins”atPenguinRandomHouseAustralia,aswellastoallmyotherinternationalpublishersandtranslators,Iammostgratefulforyoursupport.AftermynovelTheEscapeRoomwaspublished,Iwasinundatedwithmessagesfrombooksellersandbooklovers.Everymessagetouchedme.Thankyousomuchtoeveryonewhowrotetome.
Tomyhusbandandsons,whoputupwithmylengthyabsencesandconstantdistractionwhileIwrotethisnovel,thankyouforyourlovingsupportandendlesspatience.Youmakeitallworthwhile.Thankyoualsotomyparents,brotherandsister,andmyaunt,wholivesoceansawaybutisalwaysinourhearts.Anymistakesinthisnovelaremyown,eitherdeliberateorotherwise,becausefictionis,afterall,fiction.ThetownofNeapolisisafictionaltown.ItsnameisdrawnfromtheRomannameforthetownofShechem,wherethebiblicalaccountoftherapeofDinahtookplace.
AlsobyMeganGoldin
TheEscapeRoom
AbouttheAuthor
MEGANGOLDINworkedasacorrespondentforReutersandothermediaoutlets,whereshecoveredwar,peace,internationalterrorism,andfinancialmeltdownsintheMiddleEastandAsia.SheisnowbasedinMelbourne,Australia,wheresheraisesthreesonsandisafostermomtoLabradorpuppieslearningtobeguidedogs.Youcansignupforemailupdateshere
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Thisisaworkoffiction.Allofthecharacters,organizations,andeventsportrayedinthisnovelareeitherproductsoftheauthor’simaginationorareusedfictitiously.
FirstpublishedintheUnitedStatesbySt.Martin’sPress,animprintofSt.Martin’sPublishingGroup
THENIGHTSWIM.Copyright?2020byMeganGoldin.Allrightsreserved.Forinformation,addressSt.Martin’sPublishingGroup,120Broadway,NewYork,NY10271.
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FirstEdition:2020
Contents
TitlePage
CopyrightNotice
Dedication
Epigraph
1.Hannah
2.Rachel
3.Rachel
4.GuiltyorNotGuilty
5.Rachel
6.Hannah
7.GuiltyorNotGuilty
8.Rachel
9.Hannah
10.GuiltyorNotGuilty
11.Rachel
12.GuiltyorNotGuilty
13.Rachel
14.Rachel
15.Rachel
16.Rachel
17.Hannah
18.Rachel
19.Hannah
20.Rachel
21.GuiltyorNotGuilty
22.Rachel
23.Rachel
24.GuiltyorNotGuilty
25.Rachel
26.Hannah
27.Rachel
28.Hannah
29.Rachel
30.GuiltyorNotGuilty
31.Rachel
32.Rachel
33.Hannah
34.Rachel
35.Rachel
36.Rachel
37.GuiltyorNotGuilty
38.Rachel
39.Rachel
40.GuiltyorNotGuilty
41.Rachel
42.Hannah
43.Rachel
44.GuiltyorNotGuilty
45.Rachel
46.Hannah
47.Rachel
48.Rachel
49.Rachel
50.GuiltyorNotGuilty
51.Hannah
52.Rachel
53.GuiltyorNotGuilty
54.Rachel
Acknowledgments
AlsobyMeganGoldin
AbouttheAuthor
Copyright
© Copyright Notice
The copyright of the article belongs to the author. Please do not reprint without permission.
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