The Vampire Diaries-11

Basedonthenovelsby
L.J.Smith
andtheTVseriesdevelopedby
KEVINWILLIAMSON&JULIEPLECPREFACE
Theycallitthewitchinghour,thattimeinthemiddleofthenightwhennohumansareawake,whencreaturesofthenightcanhearthembreathing,smelltheirblood,watchtheirdreamsunfold.It’sthetimewhentheworldisours,whenwecanhunt,kill,protect.
It’sthetimewhenI’mmosteagertofeed.ButImustholdback.Becausebyholdingback,byhuntingonlythoseanimalswhosebloodneverquickenswithdesire,whoseheartsdon’tpoundwithjoy,whoseyearningsdon’tmakethemdream,Icancontrolmydestiny.Icanholdbackfromthedarkside.IcancontrolmyPower.
Whichiswhy,onanightwhenIcansmellbloodallaroundme,whenIknowthatinaninstantIcouldconnecttothePowerI’vebeenresistingforsolongandwillresistforalleternity,Ineedtowrite.Throughwritingdownmyhistory,seeingvariousscenesandyearsconnecttoeachother,likebeadsonaneverlastingchain,IcanstayconnectedtowhoIwasbackwhenIwasahumanandtheonlybloodIeverheardrushinginmyearsandfeltpoundinginmyheartwasmyown….Contents
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EPILOGUE
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BOOKSBYL.J.SMITH
Copyright
AboutThePublisher1
Thedaymylifechangedstartedoutlikeanyother.ItwasahotAugustafternoonin1864,theweathersooppressivethateventhefliesstoppedswarmingaroundthebarn.Theservants’children,whousuallyplayedwildgamesandshriekedastheyranfromonechoretoanother,weresilent.Theairwasstill,asifholdingoffonalong-awaitedthunderstorm.I’dplannedtospendafewhoursridingmyhorse,Mezzanotte,intothecoolforestontheedgeofVeritasEstate—myfamilyhome.I’dpackedmysatchelwithabookandwasintentonsimplyescaping.
ThatwaswhatI’dbeendoingmostdaysthatsummer.Iwasseventeenandrestless,readyneithertojointhewaralongsidemybrothernortohaveFatherteachmetoruntheestate.Everyafternoon,Ihadthesamehope:thatseveralhoursofsolitudewouldhelpmefigureoutwhoIwasandwhatIwantedtobecome.MytimeattheBoysAcademyhadendedlastspring,andFatherhadmademeholdoffonenrollingattheUniversityofVirginiauntilthewarhadended.Sincethen,I’dbeencuriouslystuckinthein-between.Iwasnolongeraboy,notquiteaman,andutterlyunsureofwhattodowithmyself.
TheworstpartwasthatIhadnoonetotalkto.Damon,mybrother,waswithGeneralGroom’sarmydowninAtlanta,mostofmyboyhoodfriendswereeitherabouttobebetrothedoronfarawaybattlefieldsthemselves,andFatherwasconstantlyinhisstudy.
“Gonnabeahotone!”ouroverseer,Robert,yelledfromtheedgeofthebarn,wherehewaswatchingtwostableboysattempttobridleoneofthehorsesFatherhadpurchasedatauctionlastweek.
“Yep,”Igrunted.Thatwasanotherproblem:WhileIyearnedforsomeonetotalkwith,whenpresentedwithaconversationpartner,Iwasnevercontent.WhatIdesperatelywantedwastomeetsomeonewhocouldunderstandme,whocoulddiscussrealthingslikebooksandlife,notjusttheweather.RobertwasniceenoughandoneofFather’smosttrustedadvisers,buthewassoloudandbrashthatevenaten-minuteconversationcouldleavemeexhausted.
“Heardthelatest?”Robertasked,abandoningthehorsetowalktowardme.Igroanedinwardly.
Ishookmyhead.“Haven’tbeenreadingthepapers.What’sGeneralGroomdoingnow?”Iasked,eventhoughconversationaboutthewaralwaysleftmeuneasy.
Robertshieldedhiseyesfromthesunasheshookhishead.“No,notthewar.Theanimalattacks.ThefolksoveratGriffin’slostfivechickens.Allwithgashesintheirnecks.”
Ipausedmid-step,thehairsonthebackofmyneckrisingonend.Allsummer,reportsofstrangeanimalattackshademergedfromneighboringplantations.Usually,theanimalsweresmall,mostlychickensorgeese,butinthepastfewweekssomeone—probablyRobert,afterfourorfivetumblersofwhiskey—hadbegunarumorthattheattacksweretheworkofdemons.Ididn’tbelievethat,butitwasonemorereminderthattheworldwasn’tthesameoneI’dgrownupin.Everythingwaschanging,whetherIwantedittoornot.
“Couldhavebeenastraydogthatkilledthem,”ItoldRobertwithanimpatientwaveofmyhand,parrotingthewordsI’doverheardFathersaytoRobertlastweek.Abreezepickedup,causingthehorsestostomptheirfeetnervously.
“Well,then,Ihopeoneofthosestraydogsdoesn’tfindyouwhenyou’reoutridingalonelikeyoudoeveryday.”Withthat,Robertstrodeofftowardthepasture.
Iwalkedintothecool,darkstable.Thesteadyrhythmofthebreathingandsnortingofthehorsesrelaxedmeinstantly.IpluckedMezzanotte’sbrushfromthewallandbegancombingthroughhersmooth,coal-blackcoat.Shewhinniedinappreciation.
Justthen,thestabledoorcreakedopen,andFathersteppedin.Atallman,Fathercarriedhimselfwithsomuchforceandpresencethatheeasilyintimidatedthosewhocrossedhispath.Hisfacewaslinedwithwrinklesthatonlyaddedtohisauthority,andheworeaformalmorningcoat,despitetheheat.
“Stefan?”Fathercalled,glancingaroundthestalls.Eventhoughhe’dlivedatVeritasforyears,he’dprobablyonlybeeninthestableafewtimes,preferringtohavehishorsespreparedandbroughtstraighttothedoor.
IduckedoutofMezzanotte’sstall.
Fatherpickedhiswaytowardthebackofthestable.Hiseyesflickedoverme,andIfeltsuddenlyembarrassedforhimtoseemecakedinsweatanddirt.“Wehavestableboysforareason,son.”
“Iknow,”Isaid,feelingasthoughI’ddisappointedhim.
“There’satimeandaplaceforhavingfunwithhorses.Butthenthere’sthepointwhenit’stimeforaboytostopplayingandbecomeaman.”FatherhitMezzanotteontheflanks,hard.Shesnortedandtookastepback.
Iclenchedmyjaw,waitingforhimtotellmeabouthow,whenhewasmyage,he’dmovedtoVirginiafromItalywithonlytheclothesonhisback.Howhe’dfoughtandbargainedtobuildatiny,one-acreplotoflandintowhatwasnowthetwohundredacresofVeritasEstate.Howhe’dnameditthatbecauseveritaswasLatinfortruth,becausehe’dlearnedthataslongasamansearchedfortruthandfoughtdeception,hedidn’tneedanythingelseinlife.
Fatherleanedagainstthedoorofthestall.“RosalynCartwrightjustcelebratedhersixteenthbirthday.She’slookingforahusband.”
“RosalynCartwright?”Irepeated.Whenweweretwelve,RosalynhadgonetoafinishingschooloutsideofRichmond,andIhadn’tseenherinages.Shewasanondescriptgirlwithmousyblondhairandbrowneyes;ineverymemoryIheldofher,sheworeabrowndress.She’dneverbeensunnyandlaughing,likeClementineHaverford,orflirtyandfeisty,likeAmeliaHawke,orwhip-smartandmischievous,likeSarahBrennan.Shewassimplyashadowinthebackground,contenttotrailalongonallourchildhoodadventuresbutnevertoleadthem.
“Yes.RosalynCartwright.”Fathergavemeoneofhisraresmiles,withthecornersofhislipsturnedsoslightlyupward,onewouldthinkhewassneeringifonedidnotknowhimwell.“HerfatherandIhavebeentalking,anditseemstheidealunion.She’salwaysbeenquitefondofyou,Stefan.”
“Idon’tknowifRosalynCartwrightandIareamatch,”Imumbled,feelingasthoughthecoolwallsofthestablewereclosinginonme.OfcourseFatherandMr.Cartwrighthadbeentalking.Mr.Cartwrightownedthebankintown;ifFatherhadanalliancewithhim,itwouldbeeasytoexpandVeritasevenfurther.Andifthey’dbeentalking,itwasasgoodasdonethatRosalynandIweretobemanandwife.
“Ofcourseyoudon’tknow,boy!”Fatherguffawed,slappingmeontheback.Hewasinremarkablygoodspirits.Myspirits,however,weresinkinglowerandlowerwitheachword.Isqueezedmyeyesshut,hopingthiswasallabaddream.“Noboyyourageknowswhat’sgoodforhim.That’swhyyouneedtotrustme.I’marrangingadinnerfornextweektocelebratethetwoofyou.Inthemeantime,payheracall.Gettoknowher.Complimenther.Letherfallinlovewithyou.”Fatherfinished,takingmyhandandpressingaboxinsidemypalm.
Whataboutme?WhatifIdon’twanthertofallinlovewithme?Iwantedtosay.ButIdidn’t.Instead,Ishovedtheboxinmybackpocketwithoutglancingatitscontents,thenwentbacktoattendingtoMezzanotte,brushinghersohard,shesnortedandsteppedbackinindignation.
“I’mgladwehadthistalk,son,”Fathersaid.IwaitedforhimtonoticethatI’dbarelysaidaword,torealizethatitwasabsurdtoaskmetomarryagirlIhadn’tspokentoinyears.
“Father?”Isaid,hopinghewouldsaysomethingtosetmefreefromthefatehe’dlaidoutforme.
“IthinkOctoberwouldbelovelyforawedding,”myfathersaidinstead,lettingthedoorbangshutbehindhim.
Iclenchedmyjawinfrustration.Ithoughtbacktoourchildhood,whenRosalynandIwouldfindourselvespushedtosittogetheratSaturdaybarbecuesandchurchsocials.Buttheforcedsocializationsimplyhadn’tworked,andassoonaswewereoldenoughtochooseourownplaymates,RosalynandIwentourseparateways.Ourrelationshipwasgoingtobejustasitwaswhenweweretenyearsyounger—ignoringeachotherwhiledutifullymakingourparentshappy.Exceptnow,Irealizedgrimly,we’dbeboundtogetherforever.2
Thenextafternoon,Ifoundmyselfsittingonastiff,low-backedvelvetchairintheCartwrights’sittingroom.EverytimeIshifted,tryingtofindaspotofcomfortonthehardseat,IfeltthegazeofMrs.Cartwright,Rosalyn,andhermaidfalluponme.ItwasasthoughIwasthesubjectinaportraitatamuseumoracharacterinadrawingroomdrama.Theentirefrontroomremindedmeofasetforaplay—itwashardlythetypeofplaceinwhichtorelax.Ortalk,forthatmatter.Duringthefirstfifteenminutesofmyarrival,we’dhaltinglydiscussedtheweather,thenewstoreintown,andthewar.
Afterthat,longpausesreigned,theonlysoundthehollowclackingofthemaid’sknittingneedles.IglancedatRosalynagain,tryingtofindsomethingaboutherpersontocompliment.Shehadapertfacewithadimpleinherchin,andherearlobesweresmallandsymmetrical.FromthehalfcentimeterofankleIcouldseebelowthehemofherdress,itseemedshehaddelicatebonestructure.
Justthenasharppainshotupmyleg.Iletoutacry,thenlookeddownatthefloor,whereatiny,copper-coloreddogaboutthesizeofarathadembeddeditspointedteethintheskinofmyankle.
“Oh,that’sPenny.Penny’sjustsayinghi,isn’tshe?”Rosalyncooed,scoopingupthetinyanimalintoherarms.Thedogstaredatme,continuingtobareitsteeth.Iinchedfartherbackinmyseat.
“She’s,uh,verynice,”Isaid,eventhoughIdidn’tunderstandthepointofadogthatsmall.Dogsweresupposedtobecompanionsthatcouldkeepyoucompanyonahunt,notornamentstomatchthefurniture.
“Isn’tshe,though?”Rosalynlookedupinrapture.“She’smyverybestfriend,andImustsay,I’mterrifiedofhergoingoutsidenow,withallthereportsofanimalmurders!”
“I’mtellingyou,Stefan,we’resofrightened!”Mrs.Cartwrightjumpedin,runningherhandsoverthebodiceofhernavydress.“Idon’tunderstandthisworld.It’ssimplynotmeantforuswomentoevengooutside.”
“Ihopewhateveritisdoesn’tattackus.SometimesI’mscaredtostepfootoutdoors,evenwhenit’slight,”Rosalynfretted,clutchingPennytightlytoherchest.Thedogyelpedandjumpedoffherlap.“I’ddieifanythinghappenedtoPenny.”
“I’msureshe’llbefine.Afterall,theattackshavebeenhappeningonfarms,notintown,”Isaid,halfheartedlytryingtocomforther.
“Stefan?”Mrs.Cartwrightaskedinhershrillvoice,thesameonesheaffectedwhensheusedtochideDamonandmeforwhisperingduringchurch.Herfacewaspinched,andherexpressionlookedlikeshehadjustsuckedonalemon.“Don’tyouthinkRosalynlooksespeciallybeautifultoday?”
“Oh,yes,”Ilied.Rosalynwaswearingadrabbrowndressthatmatchedherbrownishblondhair.Looseringletsfellaboutherskinnyshoulders.Heroutfitwasadirectcontrasttotheparlor,whichwasdecoratedwithoakfurniture,brocadechairs,anddark-coloredOrientalrugsthatoverlappedonthegleamingwoodfloor.Inthefarcorner,overthemarblemantel,aportraitofMr.Cartwrightstareddownatme,asternexpressiononhisangularface.Iglancedathimcuriously.Incontrasttohiswife,whowasoverweightandred-faced,Mr.Cartwrightwasghostlypaleandskinny—andslightlydangerous-looking,likethevultureswe’dseencirclingaroundthebattlefieldlastsummer.Consideringwhoherparentswere,Rosalynhadactuallyturnedoutremarkablywell.
Rosalynblushed.Ishiftedonthechair’sedge,feelingthejewelryboxinmyrearpocket.I’dglancedattheringlastnight,whensleepwouldn’tcome.Irecognizeditinstantly.Itwasanemeraldcircledbydiamonds,madebythefinestcraftsmeninVeniceandwornbymymotheruntilthedayshedied.
“So,Stefan?Whatdoyouthinkofpink?”Rosalynasked,breakingmeoutofmyreverie.
“I’msorry,what?”Iasked,distracted.
Mrs.Cartwrightshotmeanirritatedlook.
“Pink?Forthedinnernextweek?It’ssokindofyourfathertoplanit,”Rosalynsaid,herfacebrightredasshestaredatthefloor.
“Ithinkpinkwouldlookdelightfulonyou.You’llbebeautifulnomatterwhatyouwear,”Isaidwoodenly,asthoughIwereanactorreadinglinesfromascript.Mrs.Cartwrightsmiledapprovingly.Thedograntoherandjumpedontoapillownexttoher.Shebeganstrokingitscoat.
Suddenlytheroomfelthotandhumid.Thecloying,competingscentsofMrs.Cartwright’sandRosalyn’sperfumesmademyheadspin.Isneakedaglanceattheantiquegrandfatherclockinthecorner.I’dbeenhereforonlyfifty-fiveminutes,yetitmightaswellhavebeenfifty-fiveyears.
Istoodup,mylegswobblingbeneathme.“Ithasbeenlovelyvisitingwithyou,Mrs.andMissCartwright,butI’dbeloathtotakeuptherestofyourafternoon.”
“Thankyou.”Mrs.Cartwrightnodded,notrisingfromhersettee.“Maisywillshowyouout,”shesaid,liftingherchintowardtheirmaid,whowasnowdozingoverherknitting.
IbreathedasighofreliefasIleftthehouse.Theairwascoolagainstmyclammyskin,andIwashappythatIhadn’thadourcoachmanwaitforme;Iwouldbeabletoclearmyheadbywalkingthetwomileshome.Thesunwasbeginningtosinkintothehorizon,andthesmellofhoneysuckleandjasminehungheavilyintheair.
IglancedupatVeritasasIstrodeupthehill.Bloomingliliessurroundedthelargeurnsflankingthepathtothefrontdoor.Thewhitecolumnsoftheporchglowedorangefromthesettingsun,thepond’smirror-likesurfacegleamedinthedistance,andIcouldhearthefarawaysoundofthechildrenplayingneartheservants’quarters.Thiswasmyhome,andIlovedit.
ButIcouldn’timaginesharingitwithRosalyn.Ishovedmyhandsinmypocketsandangrilykickedastoneinthecurveoftheroad.
IpausedwhenIreachedtheentrancetothedrive,whereanunfamiliarcoachwasstanding.Istaredwithcuriosity—werarelyhadvisitors—asawhite-hairedcoachmanjumpedoutofthedriver’sseatandopenedthecab.Abeautiful,palewomanwithcascadingdarkcurlssteppedout.Sheworeabillowingwhitedress,cinchedathernarrowwaistwithapeach-coloredribbon.Amatchingpeachhatwasperchedatopherhead,obscuringhereyes.
AsifsheknewIwasstaring,sheturned.Igaspeddespitemyself.Shewasmorethanbeautiful;shewassublime.Evenfromadistanceoftwentypaces,Icouldseeherdarkeyesflickering,herpinklipscurvingintoasmallsmile.Herthinfingerstouchedthebluecameonecklaceatherthroat,andIfoundmyselfmirroringthegesture,imaginingwhathersmallhandwouldfeellikeonmyownskin.
Thensheturnedagain,andawoman,whomusthavebeenhermaid,steppedoutofthecabandbeganfussingwithherskirts.
“Hello!”shecalled.
“Hello…,”Icroaked.AsIbreathed,Ismelledaheadycombinationofgingerandlemon.
“I’mKatherinePierce.Andyouare?”sheasked,hervoiceplayful.ItwasasifsheknewIwastongue-tiedbyherbeauty.Iwasn’tsurewhetherIshouldbemortifiedorthankfulthatshewastakingthelead.
“Katherine,”Irepeatedslowly,remembering.FatherhadtoldmethestoryofafriendofafrienddowninAtlanta.HisneighborshadperishedwhentheirhousecaughtfireduringGeneralSherman’ssiege,andtheonlysurvivorhadbeenasixteen-year-oldgirlwithnorelations.Immediately,Fatherhadofferedtoboardthegirlinourcarriagehouse.Ithadallsoundedverymysteriousandromantic,andwhenFathertoldme,Isawinhiseyeshowmuchheenjoyedtheideaofservingasrescuertothisyoungorphan
“Yes,”shesaid,hereyesdancing.“Andyouare…”
“Stefan!”Isaidquickly.“StefanSalvatore.Giuseppe’sson.Iamsosorryforyourfamily’stragedy.”
“Thankyou,”shesaid.Inaninstant,hereyesbecamedarkandsomber.“AndIthankyouandyourfatherforhostingmeandmymaid,Emily.Idon’tknowwhatwewouldhavedonewithoutyou.”
“Yes,ofcourse.”Ifeltsuddenlyprotective.“You’llbeinthecarriagehouse.Wouldyoulikemetoshowyou?”
“Weshallfinditourselves.Thankyou,StefanSalvatore,”Katherinesaid,followingthecoachman,whocarriedalargetrunktowardthesmallguesthouse,whichwassetbackabitfromthemainestate.Thensheturnedaroundandstaredatme.“OrshouldIcallyouSaviorStefan?”sheaskedwithawinkbeforeturningonherheel.
Iwatchedherwalkintothesunset,hermaidtrailingher,andinstantlyIknewmylifewouldneverbethesame.3
August21,1864
Ican’tstopthinkingabouther.Iwillnotevenwritehername;Idaren’t.Sheisbeautiful,entrancing,singular.WhenI’mwithRosalyn,IamGiuseppe’sson,theSalvatoreboy,essentiallyinterchangeablewithDamon.IknowitwouldnotmatteronewhittotheCartwrightsifDamontookmyplace.ItisonlymebecauseFatherknewDamonwouldnotstandforit,knewIwouldsayyes,justlikealways.
ButwhenIsawher,herlithefigure,herredlips,hereyesthatwereflickeringandsadandthrillingallatonce…itwasasthoughIwasfinallyjustmyself,justStefanSalvatore.
Imustbestrong.Imusttreatherlikeasister.Imustfallinlovewiththewomanwhoistobemywife.
ButIfearitisalreadytoolate….
RosalynSalvatore,Ithoughttomyselfthenextday,tastingthewordsasIwalkedoutthedoor,readytofulfillmydutybypayingasecondcallonmysoon-to-be-betrothed.IimaginedlivingwithRosalyninthecarriagehouse—orperhapssomesmallermansionmyfatherwouldbuildasourweddingpresent—meworkingallday,poringthroughledgerswithmyfatherinhisstuffystudy,whileshetookcareofourchildren.Itriedtofeelexcitement.ButallIfeltwascolddreadseepingthroughmyveins.
IwalkedaroundthegrandpathofVeritasandgazedwistfullyupatthecarriagehouse.Ihadn’tseenKatherinesinceshearrivedyesterdayafternoon.FatherhaddispatchedAlfredtoinvitehertosupper,butshe’ddeclined.I’dspenttheeveninglookingoutthewindowtowardthehouse,butIcouldn’tseeanyflickerofcandlelight.IfIhadn’tknownsheandEmilyhadmovedin,I’dhaveassumedthehousehadremainedunoccupied.Finally,Iwenttosleep,wonderingthewholetimewhatKatherinewasdoingandwhethersheneededcomforting.
Itoremyeyesawayfromthedrawnupstairsshadesandtrudgeddownthedriveway.Thedirtroadundermyfeetwashardandcracked;weneededagoodrainstorm.Therewasnobreeze,andtheairfeltdead.Therewasn’tanotherpersonoutsideasfarastheeyecouldsee,yetasIwalked,thehairsonthebackofmyneckstoodonend,andIgottheuneasyfeelingthatIwasn’talone.Unbidden,Robert’swarningsaboutwalkingoffonmyownfloatedthroughmymind.
“Hello?”IcalledoutasIturnedaround.
Istarted.Standingjustafewfeetbehindme,leaningagainstoneoftheangelstatuesthatflankedthedrive,wasKatherine.Sheworeawhitesunbonnetthatprotectedherivoryskinandawhitedressdottedwithtinyrosebuds.Despitetheheat,herfairskinlookedascoolasthepondonaDecembermorning.
Shesmiledatme,displayingperfectlystraight,whiteteeth.“Ihadhopedforatourofthegrounds,butitseemsyouareotherwiseengaged.”
Myheartpoundedattheword“engaged,”theringboxinmybackpocketasheavyasabrandingiron.“I’mnot…no.Imean,”Istammered,“Icouldstay.”
“Nonsense.”Katherineshookherhead.“Ialreadyamtakinglodgingfromyouandyourfather.Iwillnottakeyourtimeaswell.”Sheraisedadarkeyebrowatme.
NeverbeforehadIspokenwithagirlwhoseemedsoateaseandsureofherself.Ifeltthesudden,overwhelmingurgetowhiptheringfrommypocketandofferittoKatherineononeknee.ButthenIthoughtofFatherandforcedmyhandtostayput.
“MayIatleastwalkwithyouforabit?”Katherineasked,swinginghersunumbrellabackandforth.
Companionably,wewalkeddowntheroad.Ikeptglancingtomyleftandright,wonderingwhyshedidn’tseemnervoustowalk,unaccompanied,withaman.Perhapsitwasbecauseshewasanorphanandsoutterlyaloneintheworld.Whateverthereason,Iwasgratefulforit.
Alightwindblewaroundus,andIinhaledherlemonygingerscent,feelingasthoughIcoulddieofhappiness,rightthere,nexttoKatherine.Simplybeingnearherwasareminderthatbeautyandlovedidexistintheworld,evenifIcouldn’thavethem.
“IthinkIshallcallyouSilentStefan,”KatherinesaidaswewalkedthroughtheclusterofoaksthatmarkedthelinebetweenthevillageofMysticFallsandtheoutlyingplantationsandestates.
“I’msorry…,”Istarted,fearingthatIwasasdulltoherasRosalynwastome.“It’ssimplythatwedon’tgetverymanystrangersinMysticFalls.It’sdifficulttospeaktosomeonewhodoesn’tknowmywholehistory.IsupposeIdon’twanttoboreyou.AfterAtlanta,I’msureyoufindMysticFallsabitquiet.”Ifeltmortifiedassoonasthesentenceleftmylips.HerparentshaddiedinAtlanta,andhereIwas,makingitsoundlikeshe’dleftsomeexcitinglifetolivehere.Iclearedmythroat.“Imean,notthatyouhadfoundAtlantaexciting,orthatyouwouldn’tenjoygettingawayfromeverything.”
Katherinesmiled.“Thankyou,Stefan.That’ssweet.”Hertonemadeitclearshedidn’twanttodelveintothetopicanyfurther.
Wewalkedinsilenceforafewlongmoments.IkeptmystridedeliberatelyshortsoKatherinecouldkeepup.Then,whetherbyaccidentorbydesignI’mnotsure,Katherine’sfingersbrushedagainstmyarm.Theywerecoldasice,eveninthehumidair.“Justsoyouknow,”shesaid,“Idon’tfindanythingaboutyouboring.”
Myentirebodyflamedhotasaconflagration.Iglanceduptheroad,asiftryingtoascertainthebestrouteforustofollow,thoughreallyIwashidingmyblushfromKatherine.Ifelttheweightoftheringinmypocketagain,heavierthanever.
IturnedtofaceKatherine,tosaywhat,I’mnotevensure.Butshewasnolongerbymyside.
“Katherine?”Icalled,shieldingmyeyesagainstthesun,waitingforherliltinglaughtoriseupintheunderbrushalongtheroad.ButallIheardwastheechoofmyownvoice.Shehadvanished.4
Ididn’tcallontheCartwrightsthatday.Instead,aftersearchingthepath,Isprintedthetwomilesbacktotheestate,terrifiedthatKatherinehadsomehowbeendraggedintotheforestbysomeunseenhand—perhapsbytheverycreaturethathadbeenterrorizingthenearbyplantations.
WhenIarrivedhome,though,Ifoundherontheporchswing,chattingwithhermaid,asweatingglassoflemonadebesideher.Herskinwaspale,hereyeslanguorous,asifshe’dneverrunadayinherlife.Howhadshegottenbacktothecarriagehousesoquickly?Iwantedtostrideupandask,butIstoppedmyself.I’dsoundlikeamadman,recountingthewhirlingthoughtsinmyhead.
Atthatmoment,Katherineglancedupandshieldedhereyes.“Backsosoon?”shecalled,asifsurprisedtoseeme.Inoddeddumblyassheslidofftheporchswingandglidedintothecarriagehouse.
Theimageofhersmilingfacekeptfloatingbacktomethenextday,whenIforcedmyselftomakethecallonRosalyn.Itwasevenworsethanthefirstcall.Mrs.Cartwrightsatrightbesidemeonthecouch,andeverytimeIshifted,hereyesgleamed,asifshewasexpectingmetotakeouttheringatanysecond.I’dchokedoutsomequestionsaboutPenny,aboutthepuppiesshe’dhadlastJune,andabouttheprogressHonoriaFells,thetowndressmaker,hadmadeonRosalyn’spinkgown.ButnomatterhowmuchItried,allIwantedwasanexcusetoleavesoIcouldvisitwithKatherine.
Finally,Imutteredsomethingaboutnotwantingtobeoutpastdark.AccordingtoRobert,therehadbeenthreemoreanimalkillings,includingGeorgeBrower’shorserightoutsidetheapothecary.IalmostfeltguiltyasMrs.Cartwrightusheredmeoutofthehouseandintomycarriage,asifIweregoingofftobattleratherthanatwo-mileridehome
WhenIgottotheestate,myheartfellwhenIsawnosignofKatherine.IwasabouttodoublebacktothestabletobrushMezzanottewhenIheardangryvoicesemanatingfromtheopenwindowsofthekitchenofthemainhouse.
“Nosonofminewilleverdisobeyme!Youneedtogobackandtakeyourplaceintheworld.”ItwasFather’svoice,tingedwiththeheavyItalianaccentthatbecameapparentonlywhenhewasextremelyupset.
“Myplaceishere.Thearmyisnotforme.Whatissowrongaboutfollowingmyownmind?”anothervoiceyelled,confident,proud,andangryallatonce.
Damon.
MyheartquickenedasIsteppedintothekitchenandsawmybrother.Damonwasmyclosestfriend,thepersonIlookeduptomostintheworld—evenmorethanFather,thoughI’dneveradmitteditoutloud.Ihadn’tseenhimsincelastyear,whenhejoinedGeneralGroom’sarmy.Helookedtaller,hishairsomehowseemeddarker,andtheskinonhisneckwassun-darkenedandfreckled.
Ithrewmyarmsaroundhim,thankfulIhadarrivedhomewhenIdid.HeandFatherhadnevergottenalong,andtheirfightsoccasionallyescalatedtoblows.
“Brother!”Heslappedmybackashepulledoutoftheembrace.
“We’renotfinished,Damon,”myfatherwarnedasheretreatedtohisstudy.
Damonturnedtome.“IseeFather’sthesameasalways.”
“He’snotsobad.”IalwaysfeltawkwardspeakingbadlyofFather,evenasIchafedagainstmyforcedengagementtoRosalyn.“Didyoujustgetback?”Iasked,changingthesubject.Damonsmiled.Therewereslightlinesaroundhiseyesthatnoonewouldnoticeunlesstheyknewhimwell.
“Anhourago.Icouldn’tmissmyyoungerbrother’sengagementannouncement,couldI?”heasked,aslighthintofsarcasminhisvoice.“Fathertoldmeallaboutit.Seemsthathe’sdependingonyoutocarryontheSalvatorename.Andjustthink,bythetimeoftheFoundersBall,you’llbeahusband!”
Istiffened.I’dforgottenabouttheball.Itwastheeventoftheyear,andFather,SheriffForbes,andMayorLockwoodhadbeenplanningitformonths.Partlyawarbenefit,partlyanopportunityforthetowntoenjoythelastgaspofsummer,andmostlyachanceforthetownleaderstopatthemselvesonthebacks,theFoundersBallhadalwaysbeenoneofmyfavoriteMysticFallstraditions.NowIdreadedit.
Damonmusthavesensedmydiscomfort,becausehestarteddiggingthroughhiscanvasrucksack.Itwasfilthyandhadwhatlookedlikeabloodstainonthecorner.Finally,hepulledoutalarge,misshapenleatherball,muchlargerandmoreoblongthanabaseball.“Wanttoplay?”heasked,palmingtheballfromhandtohand.
“Whatisthat?”Iasked.
“Afootball.Meandtheboysplaywhenwe’vegottimeawayfromthefield.It’llbegoodforyou.Getsomecolorinyourcheeks.Wedon’twantyougettingsoft,”hesaid,imitatingmyfather’svoicesoperfectlythatIhadtolaugh.
Damonwalkedoutthedoor,andIfollowed,shruggingoffmylinenjacket.Suddenlythesunshinefeltwarmer,thegrassfeltsofter,everythingfeltbetterthanithadjustminutesbefore.
“Catch!”Damonyelled,findingmeoffguard.Iliftedupmyarmsandcaughttheballagainstmychest.
“CanIplay?”afemalevoiceasked,breakingthemoment.
Katherine.Shewaswearingasimple,lilacsummershiftdress,andherhairwaspulledintoabunatthebaseofherneck.Inoticedthatherdarkeyesperfectlycomplementedthebrilliantbluecameonecklacethatrestedinthehollowofherthroat.Iimaginedlacingmyfingersthroughherdelicatehands,thenkissingherwhiteneck.
Iforcedmyselftotearmygazeawayfromher.“Katherine,thisismybrother,Damon.Damon,thisisKatherinePierce.Sheisstayingwithus,”Isaidstiffly,glancingbackandforthbetweenthemtogaugeDamon’sreaction.Katherine’seyesdanced,asifshefoundmyformalityincrediblyamusing.SodidDamon’s.
“Damon,Icantellyou’rejustassweetasyourbrother,”shesaidinanexaggeratedSouthernaccent.Eventhoughitwasaphraseanyofthegirlsinthecountywouldusewhentalkingtoaman,itsoundedvaguelymockingcomingfromherlips.
“We’llseeaboutthat.”Damonsmiled.“So,brother,shallweletKatherineplay?”
“Idon’tknow,”Isaid,suddenlyhesitant.“Whataretherules?”
“Whoneedsrules?”Katherineasked,flashingagrinthatrevealedherperfectlystraight,whiteteeth.
Iturnedtheballinmyhand.“Mybrotherplaysrough,”Iwarned.
“SomehowIthinkIplayrougher.”Inoneswoop,Katherinegrabbedtheballfrommygrasp.Astheyhadbeenthepreviousday,herhandswerecold,likeice,despitetheheatoftheafternoon.Hertouchsentajoltofenergythroughmybodyanduptomybrain.“Loserhastogroommyhorses!”shecalledasthewindwhippedherhairbehindher.
Damonwatchedherrun,thenarchedaneyebrowtowardme.“Thatisagirlwhowantstobechased.”Withthat,Damondughisheelsintotheearthandran,hispowerfulbodyhurtlingdownthehilltowardthepond.
Afterasecond,Iran,too.Ifeltthewindwhiparoundmyears.“I’llgetyou!”Iyelled.ItwasaphraseI’dhaveyelledwhenIwaseightandplayinggameswiththegirlsmyage,butIfeltthatthestakesofthisgamewerehigherthananythingI’deverplayedinmylife.5
Thenextmorning,IawoketobreathlessnewsfromRosalyn’sservantsthatherprizeddog,Penny,hadbeenattacked.Mrs.Cartwrightsummonedmetoherdaughter’schambers,sayingnothinghadstoppedRosalynfromcrying.Itriedtocomforther,butherwrackingsobsneverabated.
Thewholetime,Mrs.Cartwrightkeptgivingmedisapprovingglances,asifIshouldbedoingabetterjobcalmingRosalyn.
“Youhaveme,”I’dsaidatonepoint,ifonlytoappeaseher.Atthat,Rosalynhadflungherarmsaroundme,cryingsohardintomyshoulderthathertearsleftawetmarkonmywaistcoat.Itriedtobesympathetic,butIfeltastabofannoyanceatthewayshewascarryingon.Afterall,I’dnevercarriedonlikethatwhenmymotherhaddied.Fatherhadn’tletme.
Youhavetobestrong,afighter,he’dsaidatthefuneral.AndsoIwas.Ididn’tcrywhen,justaweekafterMother’sdeath,ournanny,Cordelia,beganabsentmindedlyhummingtheFrenchlullabyMotherhadalwayssung.NotwhenFathertookdowntheportraitofMotherthathadhunginthefrontroom.NotevenwhenArtemis,Mother’sfavoritehorse,hadtobeputdown.
“Didyouseethedog?”Damonasked,aswewalkedintotowntogetherthatnighttogetadrinkatthetavern.NowthatthedinnerwhereIwastopubliclyproposetoRosalynwasjustdaysaway,wewereheadingoutforawhiskeytocelebratemyimpendingnuptials.Atleast,that’swhatDamoncalledit,elongatinghisaccenttoaflatCharlestoniandrawlandwigglinghiseyebrowsashesaidit.ItriedtosmileasifIthoughtitwasagreatjoke,butifIbegantalking,IknewIwouldn’tbeabletoholdbackmydismayaboutmarryingRosalyn.Andtherewasn’tanythingwrongwithher.Itwasjust…itwasjustthatshewasn’tKatherine.
IturnedmythoughtsbacktoPenny.“Yes.Itsthroathadagashinit,butwhatevertheanimalwasdidn’tgoforherinnards.Strange,right?”IsaidasIrushedtokeepupwithhim.Thearmyhadmadehimstrongerandfaster.“It’sastrangetime,brother,”Damonsaid.“Maybeit’stheYankees,”heteasedwithasmirk.
Aswewalkeddownthecobblestonestreets,Inoticedsignsaffixedtomostdoorways:Arewardofonehundreddollarswasbeingofferedtoanyonewhofoundthewildanimalresponsiblefortheattacks.Istaredatthesign.MaybeIcouldfindit,thentakethemoneyandbuyatraintickettoBoston,orNewYork,orsomecitywherenoonecouldfindmeandnoonehadeverheardofRosalynCartwright.Ismiledtomyself;thatwouldbesomethingDamonmightactuallydo—heneverworriedaboutconsequencesorotherpeople’sfeelings.Iwasabouttopointoutthesignandaskwhathe’ddowithonehundreddollarswhenIsawsomeonefranticallywavingatusinfrontoftheapothecary.
“ArethosetheSalvatorebrothers?”avoicecalledfromupthestreet.IsquintedacrossthetwilightandsawPearl,theapothecary,standingoutsidehershopwithherdaughter,Anna.PearlandAnnaweretwomorevictimsofthewar.Pearl’shusbandhaddiedattheVicksburgsiegejustlastspring.Afterthat,PearlhadfoundahomeinMysticFalls,andsherananapothecarythatwasalwaysbusy.JonathanGilbert,inparticular,wasalmostalwaystherewhenIwalkedby,complainingaboutsomeailmentorpurchasingsomeremedyoranother.Towngossipwasthathefanciedher.
“Pearl,youremembermybrother,Damon?”Icalledaswewalkedoverthesquaretogreetthem.
Pearlsmiledandnodded.Herfacewasunlined,andagameamongthegirlswastryingtodeterminehowoldshewas.Shehadadaughterwhowasonlyafewyearsyoungerthanme,soshecouldn’tbethatyoung.“Youtwocertainlylookhandsome,”shesaidfondly.Annawasthespittingimageofhermother,andwhentheystoodsidebyside,thetwolookedasiftheycouldbesisters.
“Anna,youlookmorebeautifuleachyear.Areyouoldenoughtobegoingtodancesyet?”Damonasked,atwinkleinhiseyes.Ismileddespitemyself.OfcourseDamonwouldbeabletocharmbothamotherandadaughter.
“Almost,”Annasaid,hereyessparklinginanticipation.Fifteenwastheagewhengirlswereoldenoughtostaythroughdinnerandhearthebandstrikeupawaltz.
Pearlusedawrought-ironkeytolocktheapothecary,thenturnedtofaceus.“Damon,canyoudomeafavor?CanyoumakesureKatherinegetsontomorrownight?She’salovelygirl,and,well,youknowhowpeopletalkaboutstrangers.IknewherinAtlanta.”
“Ipromise,”Damonsaidsolemnly.
Istiffened.WasDamonescortingKatherinetomorrownight?Ihadn’tthoughtshe’dcometotheparty,andIcouldn’timagineproposinginfrontofher.ButwhatchoicedidIhave?TellFatherthatKatherinewasn’tinvited?NotproposetoRosalyn?
“Havefuntonight,boys,”Pearlsaid,breakingmeoutofmyreverie.
“Wait!”Icalled,thedinnermomentarilyforgotten.
Pearlturnedaround,aquizzicalexpressiononherface.
“It’sdark,andtherehavebeenmoreattacks.Wouldyoulikeustoescortyouladieshome?”Iasked.
Pearlshookherhead.“AnnaandIarestrongwomen.We’llbefine.Besides…”Sheblushedandglancedaround,asifafraidtobeoverheard.“IbelieveJonathanGilbertwantstodothatforus.ButIdothankyouforyourconcern.”
Damonwiggledhiseyebrowsandletoutalowwhistle.“YouknowhowIfeelaboutstrongwomen,”hewhispered.
“Damon.Beappropriate,”Isaid,slugginghimontheshoulder.Afterall,hewasn’tonthebattlefieldsanymore.HewasinMysticFalls,atownwherepeoplelikedtoeavesdropandlovedtotalk.Hadheforgottensoquickly?
“Okay,AuntieStefan!”Damonteased,raisinghisvoiceinahighlisp.Ilaugheddespitemyselfandsluggedhimagainonthearmforgoodmeasure.Thepunchwaslight,butfeltgood—awaytounleashsomeofmyannoyancethathewasabletoescortKatherinetothedinner.
Hegood-naturedlysluggedmeback,andwewouldhavebrokenoutintoanall-outbrotherlybrawlifDamonhadn’tpushedopenthewoodendoortotheMysticFallsTavern.Wewereimmediatelygreetedbyanenthusiasticsmilefromthevoluptuous,red-hairedbarmaidbehindthecounter.ItwasclearthatDamonhadmadehimselfathomehereonseveraloccasions.
Weelbowedourwaytothebackofthetavern.Theroomsmelledofsawdustandsweat,andmeninuniformwereeverywhere.Somehadbandagesontheirheads,othersworeslings,andsomehobbledtothecounteroncrutches.IrecognizedHenry,adark-skinnedsoldierwhopracticallylivedatthetavern,drinkingwhiskeyaloneinacorner.Roberthadtoldmestoriesabouthim:Heneversocializedwithanyone,andnooneeversawhiminthelightofday.Therewastalkthatmaybehewasassociatedwiththeattacks,buthowcouldhebe,ifhewasalwaysatthetavern?
Ipeeledmyeyesawaytotakeintherestofthescene.Therewereoldermentightlygroupedinacorner,playingcardsanddrinkingwhiskeyand,intheoppositecorner,afewwomen.Icouldtellfromtherougeontheircheeksandtheirpaintedfingernailsthattheyweren’tthetypestospendtimewithourchildhoodplaymates,ClementineHaverfordorAmeliaHawke.Aswewalkedpast,oneofthembrushedmyarmwithherpaintedfingernails.
“Youlikeithere?”Damonpulledoutawoodentablefromthewall,anamusedsmileonhisface.
“IsupposeIdo.”Iplunkeddownonthehardwoodenbenchandsurveyedmysurroundingsonceagain.Beinginthetavern,IfeltI’dstumbledintoasecretsocietyofmen,justonemorethingIknewI’dhavelittlechancetodiscoverbeforeIwasamarriedmanandexpectedtobeathomeeveryevening.
“I’llgetussomedrinks,”Damonsaid,makinghiswaytothebar.Iwatchedasherestedhiselbowsonthecounterandeasilytalkedtothebarmaid,whotiltedherheadbackandlaughedasifhe’dsaidsomethinghilarious.Whichheprobablyhad.That’swhyallwomenfellinlovewithhim.
“So,howdoesitfeeltobeamarriedman?”
IturnedaroundtoseeDr.Janesbehindme.Wellintohisseventies,Dr.Janeswasslightlysenileandoftenloudlyproclaimedtoanyonewho’dlistenthathislongevitywasdueexclusivelytohisprodigiousindulgenceinwhiskey.
“Notmarriedyet,Doctor.”Ismiledtightly,wishingDamonwouldcomebackwithourdrinks.
“Ah,myboy,butyouwillbe.Mr.Cartwrightatthebankhasbeendiscussingitforweeks.ThefairyoungRosalyn.Quiteacatch!”Dr.Janescontinuedloudly.Iglancedaround,hopingnoonehadheard.
Atthatmoment,Damonappearedandgentlysetourwhiskeysonthetable.“Thankyou,”Isaid,drinkingminedowninonegulp.Dr.Janeshobbledaway.
“Thatthirsty,huh?”Damonasked,takingasmallsipofhisowndrink.
Ishrugged.Inthepast,I’dneverkeptsecretsfrommybrother.ButtalkingaboutRosalynfeltdangerous.Somehow,nomatterwhatIsaidorfelt,Istillhadtomarryher.Ifanyoneheardevenaninklingofregretfromme,there’dbenoendtothetalk.
Suddenly,anewwhiskeyappearedinfrontofme.IglanceduptoseetheprettybartenderDamonhadbeentalkingtostandingoverourtable.
“Youlooklikeyouneedthis.Seemsyou’vehadaroughday.”Thebarmaidwinkedoneofhergreeneyesandsetthesweatingtumblerontherough-hewnwoodentableinfrontofme.
“Thankyou,”IsaidasItookasmall,gratefulsip.
“Anytime,”thebarmaidsaid,hercrinolineskirtsswishingoverherhips.Iwatchedherretreatingback.Allthewomeninthetavern,eventhosewithloosereputations,weremoreinterestingthanRosalyn.ButnomatterwhoIglancedat,theonlyimagethatfilledmymindwasKatherine’sface.
“Alicelikesyou,”Damonobserved.
Ishookmyhead.“YouknowIcan’tlook.Bytheendofsummer,I’llbeamarriedman.You,meanwhile,arefreetodoasyouplease.”I’dmeantittobeanobservation,butthewordscameoutasajudgment.
“That’strue,”Damonsaid.“Butyoudoknowyoudon’thavetodosomethingjustbecauseFathersaysso,right?”
“It’snotthatsimple.”Iclenchedmyjaw.Damoncouldn’tunderstandbecausehewaswildanduntamable—somuchsothatFatherhadentrustedme,theyoungerbrother,withthefutureofVeritas,aroleInowfoundstifling.
Asliverofbetrayalshotthroughmeatthisthought—thatitwasDamon’sfaultIhadtoshouldersomuchresponsibility.Ishookmyhead,asiftryingtoremovetheideafromit,andtookanotherdrinkofwhiskey.
“It’sverysimple,”Damonsaid,oblivioustomymomentaryannoyance.“JusttellhimyouarenotinlovewithRosalyn.Thatyouneedtofindyourownplaceintheworldandcan’tjustfollowsomeone’sordersblindly.That’swhatIlearnedinthearmy:Youhavetobelieveinwhatyoudo.Otherwise,what’sthepoint?”
Ishookmyhead.“I’mnotlikeyou.ItrustFather.AndIknowheonlywantsthebest.It’sjustthatIwish…IwishIhadmoretime,”Isaidfinally.Itwastrue.MaybeIcouldgrowtoloveRosalyn,butthethoughtthatIcouldbemarriedandhaveachildinjustoneshortyearfilledmewithdread.“Butit’llbefine,”Isaidwithfinality.Ithadtobe.
“Whatdoyouthinkofournewhouseguest?”Isaid,changingthesubject.
Damonsmiled.“Katherine,”hesaid,drawingthenameintothefullthreesyllables,asifhecouldtasteitonhistongue.“Now,she’sagirlwho’sdifficulttofigureout,don’tyouagree?”
“Isuppose,”Isaid,gladthatDamondidn’tknowthatIwasdreamingofKatherineatnight,andbydaypausingatthedoortothecarriagehousetoseeifIcouldhearherlaughingwithhermaid;onceIevenstoppedbythestabletosmellthebroadbackofherhorse,Clover,justtoseeifherlemonandgingerscenthadlingered.Ithadn’t,andatthatmoment,inthebarnsurroundedbythehorses,I’drealizedhowunbalancedIwasbecoming.
“Theydon’tmakegirlslikeherinMysticFalls.Doyouthinkshehasasoldiersomewhere?”Damonasked.
“No!”Isaid,annoyedonceagain.“She’sinmourningforherparents.Ihardlythinkshe’slookingforabeau.”
“Ofcourse.”Damonknithiseyebrowstogethercontritely.“AndIwasn’tpresuminganything.Butifsheneedsashouldertocryon,I’dbehappytolendittoher.”
Ishrugged.EventhoughI’dbroughtupthesubject,IwasnolongersureIwantedtohearwhatDamonthoughtofher.Infact,asbeautifulasshewas,Ialmostwishedthatsomefar-flungrelativesfromCharlestonorRichmondorAtlantawouldstepforwardtoinvitehertolivewiththem.Ifshewereoutofsight,thenmaybeIcouldsomehowforcemyselftoloveRosalyn.
Damonstaredatme,andIknewinthatmomenthowmiserableImusthavelooked.“Cheerup,brother,”hesaid.“Thenightisyoung,andthewhiskey’sonme.”
Buttherewasn’tenoughwhiskeyinallofVirginiatomakemeloveRosalyn…orforgetaboutKatherine.6
Theweatherdidn’tbreakbymyengagementdinnerafewdayslater,andevenatfiveo’clockintheafternoontheairwashotandhumid.Inthekitchen,I’doverheardtheservantsgossipingthatthestrange,stillweatherwasaresultoftheanimal-killingdemons.ButdiscussionofthedemonsdidnotstoppeoplefromalloverthecountycomingtotheGrangeHalltocelebratetheConfederacy.Thecoachesbackedupbeyondthestonedriveandshowednosignofslowingtheironslaughttowardtheimposingstonestructure.
“StefanSalvatore!”IheardasIsteppedoutofthecoachbehindmyfather.
Asmyfeethitdirt,IsawEllenEmersonandherdaughter,Daisy,walkingarminarm,trailedbytwomaids.Hundredsoflanternslitthestonestepsleadingtothewhitewoodendoors,andcarriageslinedthecurvedwalkway.Icouldhearstrainsofawaltzcomingfrominsidethehall.
“Mrs.Emerson.Daisy.”Iboweddeeply.Daisyhadhatedmeeversincewewerechildren,whenDamonhaddaredmetopushherintoWillowCreek.
“Why,ifitisn’tthegorgeousEmersonladies,”Fathersaid,alsobowing.“Thankyoutobothofyouforcomingtothissmallsupper.It’ssogoodtoseeeveryoneintown.Weneedtobandtogether,nowmorethanever,”Fathersaid,catchingEllenEmerson’seye.
“Stefan,”Daisyrepeated,noddingasshetookmyhand.
“Daisy.Youlookmorebeautifuleveryday.Canyoupleaseforgiveagentlemanforhiswickedyouth?”
Sheglaredatme.Isighed.TherewasnomysteryorintrigueinMysticFalls.Everyonekneweveryoneelse.IfRosalynandIweretogetmarried,ourchildrenwouldbedancingwithDaisy’schildren.Theywouldhavethesameconversations,thesamejokes,thesamefights.Andthecyclewouldcontinueforeternity.
“Ellen,wouldyoudomethehonorofallowingmetoshowyouinside?”Fatherasked,anxioustomakesurethehallwasdecoratedaccordingtohisexactingspecifications.Daisy’smothernodded,andDaisyandIwereleftunderthewatchfulgazeoftheEmersons’maid.
“I’veheardDamon’sback.Howishe?”Daisyasked,finallydeigningtotalktome.
“MissEmerson,webestbegoinginsidetofindyourmama,”Daisy’smaidinterrupted,tuggingDaisy’sarmthroughthewidedoubledoorsoftheGrangeHall.
“IlookforwardtoseeingDamon.Dogivehimthatmessage!”Daisycalledoverhershoulder.
Isighedandsteppedintothehall.Locatedbetweentownandtheestate,theGrangehadoncebeenameetingspotforthecounty’slandedgentrybuthadnowbecomeamakeshiftarmory.Thewallsofthehallwerecoveredwithivyandwisteriaand,fartherup,Confederateflags.Abandontheraisedstageinthecornerplayedajauntyrenditionof“TheBonnieBlueFlag,”andatleastfiftycouplescircledthefloorwithglassesofpunchintheirhands.Fatherhadobviouslysparednoexpense,anditwasclearthatthiswasmorethanasimplewelcomedinnerforthetroops.
Heart-heavy,Iheadedovertothepunch.
Ihadn’twalkedmorethanfivestepswhenIfeltahandclapmyback.Ipreparedmyselftogiveatightsmileandaccepttheawkwardcongratulationsthatwerealreadytricklingin.Whatwasthepointofhavingadinnertoannounceanengagementthateveryoneseemedtoknowabout?Ithoughtsourly.
Iturnedtofindmyselfface-to-facewithMr.Cartwright.IinstantlycomposedmyexpressionintosomethingIhopedresembledexcitement.
“Stefan,boy!Ifitisn’tthemanofthehour!”Mr.Cartwrightsaid,offeringmeaglassofwhiskey.
“Sir.Thankyouforallowingmethepleasureofyourdaughter’scompany,”Isaidautomatically,takingthesmallestsipIcouldmuster.I’dwokenupwithaterriblewhiskeyheadachethemorningafterDamonandIspenttimeatthetavern.I’dstayedinbed,acoolcompressonmyforehead,whileDamonhadbarelyseemedaffected.I’dheardhimchasingKatherinethroughthelabyrinthinthebackyard.EverylaughI’dheardwaslikeatinydaggerinmybrain.
“Thepleasureisallyours.Iknowit’sagoodmerger.Practicalandlowriskwithplentyofopportunityforgrowth.”
“Thankyou,sir,”Isaid.“AndIamsosorryaboutRosalyn’sdog.”
Mr.Cartwrightshookhishead.“Don’ttellmywifeorRosalyn,butI’dalwayshatedthedamnthing.Notsayingitshouldhavegoneandgottenitselfkilled,butIthinkeveryoneisgettingthemselvesallworkedupovernothing.Allthisdiscussionofdemonsyouhearalloverthedamnplace.Peoplewhisperingthatthetowniscursed.It’sthatkindoftalkthatmakespeoplesoafraidofrisk.Makesthemnervousaboutputtingtheirmoneyinthebank,”Mr.Cartwrightboomed,causingseveralpeopletostare.Ismilednervously.
Outofthecornerofmyeye,IsawFatheractingashostandshuttlingpeopletowardthelongtableatthecenteroftheroom.InoticedeachplacewassetwithMother’sdelicatefleur-de-lischina.
“Stefan,”myfathersaid,clappinghishandonmyshoulder,“areyouready?Youhaveeverythingyouneed?”
“Yes.”Itouchedtheringinmybreastpocketandfollowedhimtotheheadofthetable.Rosalynstoodnexttohermotherandsmiledtightlyatherparents.Rosalyn’seyes,stillredfromcryingoverpoorPenny,clashedhorriblywiththeoversize,frillypinkdressshewaswearing.
Asourneighborstooktheirseatsaroundus,Irealizedthattherewerestilltwoemptyseatstomyleft.
“Where’syourbrother?”Fatherasked,loweringhisvoice.
Iglancedtowardthedoor.Thebandwasstillplaying,andtherewasanticipationintheair.Finally,thedoorsopenedwithaclatter,andDamonandKatherinewalkedin.Together.
Itwasn’tfair,Ithoughtsavagely.Damoncouldactlikeaboy,couldcontinuetodrinkandflirtasifnothinghadconsequence.I’dalwaysdonetherightthing,theresponsiblething,andnowitfeltasthoughIwasbeingpunishedforitbybeingforcedtobecomeaman.
EvenIwassurprisedbythesurgeofangerIfelt.Instantlyguilty,Itriedtosquelchtheemotionbydowningthefullglassofwinetomyleft.Afterall,wouldKatherinehavebeenexpectedtocometothedinnerbyherself?Andwasn’tDamonjustbeinggallant,thegoodelderbrother?
Besides,theyhadnofuture.Marriages,atleastinoursociety,wereapprovedonlyiftheymergedtwofamilies.And,asanorphan,whatdidKatherinehavetoofferbesidesbeauty?Fatherwouldneverletmemarryher,butthatalsomeanthewouldn’tletDamonmarryhereither.AndevenDamonwouldn’tgosofarastomarrysomeoneFatherdidn’tapproveof.Right?
Still,Icouldn’ttearmyeyesawayfromDamon’sarmaroundKatherine’stinywaist.Sheworeagreenmuslindresswhosefabricspreadacrossherhoopskirts,andtherewasahushedmurmurassheandDamonmadetheirwaytothetwoemptyseatsatthecenterofthetable.Herbluenecklacegleamedatherthroat,andshewinkedatmebeforetakingtheemptyseatnexttomyown.Herhipbrushedagainstmine,andIshifteduncomfortably.
“Damon.”FathernoddedterselyasDamonsatdowntohisleft.
“SodoyouthinkthearmywillbeallthewaydowntoGeorgiabywinter?”IaskedJonahPalmerloudly,simplybecauseIdidn’ttrustmyselftospeaktoKatherine.IfIheardhermusicalvoice,ImightlosemynervetoproposetoRosalyn.
“I’mnotworriedaboutGeorgia.WhatIamworriedaboutisgettingthemilitiatogethertosolvetheproblemshereinMysticFalls.Theseattackswillnotbestoodfor,”Jonah,thetownveterinarianwhohadalsobeentrainingtheMysticFallsmilitia,saidloudly,poundinghisfistonthetablesohard,thechinarattled.
Justthen,anarmyofservantsenteredthehall,holdingplatesofwildpheasant.Itookmysilverforkandpushedthegameymeataroundmyplate;Ihadnoappetite.Aroundme,Icouldheartheusualdiscussions:aboutthewar,aboutwhatwecoulddoforourboysingray,aboutupcomingdinnersandbarbecuesandchurchsocials.KatherinewasnoddingintentlyatHonoriaFellsacrossthetable.SuddenlyIfeltjealousofthegrizzled,frizzy-hairedHonoria.Shewasabletohavetheone-on-oneconversationwithKatherinethatIsodesperatelywanted.
“Ready,son?”Fatherelbowedmeintheribs,andInoticedthatpeoplewerealreadyfinishedwiththeirmeals.Morewinewasbeingpoured,andtheband,who’dpausedduringthemaincourse,wasplayinginthecorner.Thiswasthemomenteveryonehadbeenwaitingfor:Theyknewanannouncementwasabouttobemade,andtheyknewthatfollowingthatannouncementtherewouldbecelebratinganddancing.ItwasalwaysthewaydinnershappenedinMysticFalls.ButI’dneverbeforebeenatthecenterofanannouncement.Asifoncue,Honorialeanedtowardme,andDamonsmiledencouragingly.
Feelingsicktomystomach,Itookadeepbreathandclinkedmyknifeagainstmycrystalglass.Immediately,therewasahushthroughoutthehall,andeventheservantsstoppedmidsteptostareatme.
Istoodup,tookalongswigofredwineforcourage,andclearedmythroat.
“I…um,”Ibeganinalow,strainedvoiceIdidn’trecognizeasmyown.“Ihaveanannouncement.”Outofthecornerofmyeye,IsawFatherclutchinghischampagneflute,readytojumpinwithatoast.IglancedatKatherine.Shewaslookingatme,herdarkeyespiercingmyown.Itoremygazeawayandgrippedmyglasssotightly,Iwassureitwouldbreak.“Rosalyn,I’dliketoaskyourhandinmarriage.Willyoudomethehonor?”Isaidinarush,fumblinginmysuitpocketforthering.
IpulledouttheboxandkneltdowninfrontofRosalyn,staringupatherwaterybrowneyes.“Foryou,”Isaidwithoutinflection,flippingopenthelidandholdingitouttowardher.
Rosalynshrieked,andtheroomburstintoasmatteringofapplause.Ifeltahandclapmyback,andIsawDamongrinningdownonme.Katherineclappedpolitely,anunreadableexpressiononherface.
“Here.”ItookRosalyn’stinywhitehandandpushedtheringonherfinger.Itwastoolarge,andtheemeraldrolledlopsidedlytowardherpinkie.Shelookedlikeachildplayingdress-upwithhermother’sjewelry.ButRosalyndidn’tseemtocarethattheringdidn’tfit.Instead,sheheldoutherhand,watchingasthediamondscapturedthelightofthetable’scandles.Immediately,acrushofwomensurroundedus,cooingoverthering.
“Thisdoescallforacelebration!”myfathercalledout.“Cigarsforeveryone.Comehere,Stefan,son!You’vemademeoneproudfather.”
Inoddedandshakilysteppedovertohim.ItwasironicthatwhileI’dspentmyentirelifetryingtogetmyfather’sapproval,whatmadehimhappiestwasanactthatmademefeeldeadinside.
“Katherine,willyoudancewithme?”IheardDamon’svoiceabovethedinofscrapingchairsandclinkingglassware.Istoppedinmytracks,waitingfortheanswer.
Katherineglancedup,castingafurtivelookinmydirection.Hereyesheldmyownforalongmoment.AwildurgetoriptheringoffRosalyn’sfingerandplaceitonKatherine’spaleonenearlyovertookme.ButthenFathernudgedmefrombehind,andbeforeIcouldreact,DamongrabbedKatherinebythehandandledherouttothedancefloor.7
Thenextweekpassedinablur.IranfromfittingsatMrs.Fells’sdressshoptovisitswithRosalynintheCartwrights’stuffyparlortothetavernwithDamon.ItriedtoforgetKatherine,leavingmyshuttersclosedsoIwouldn’tbetemptedtolookacrossthelawnatthecarriagehouse,andforcingmyselftosmileandwaveatDamonandKatherinewhentheyexploredthegardens.
OnceIwentuptotheattictolookattheportraitofMother.Iwonderedwhatadviceshe’dhaveforme.Loveispatient,IrememberedhersayinginherliltingFrenchaccentduringBiblestudy.Thenotioncomfortedme.MaybelovecouldcometomeandRosalyn.
Afterthat,ItriedtoloveRosalyn,oratleastgarnersomekindofaffectionforher.Iknew,behindherquietnessandherdishwaterblondhair,shewassimplyasweetgirlwho’dmakeadotingwifeandmother.Ourmostrecentvisitshadn’tbeenawful.Infact,Rosalynhadbeeninremarkablygoodspirits.She’dgottenanewdog,asleekblackbeastnamedSadie,whichshe’dtakentocarryingeverywherelestthenewpuppysufferthesamefateasPennyhad.Atonepoint,whenRosalynlookedupatmewithadoringeyes,askingifI’dpreferlilacsorgardeniasatthewedding,Ialmostfeltfondofher.Maybethatwouldbeenough.
Fatherhadwastednotimeinplanninganotherpartytocelebrate.Thistime,itwasabarbecueattheestate,andFatherhadinvitedeveryonewithinatwenty-mileradius.Irecognizedonlyahandfuloftheyoungmen,prettygirls,andConfederatesoldierswhomilledaroundthelabyrinth,actingasiftheyownedtheestate.WhenIwasyounger,IusedtolovethepartiesatVeritas—theywerealwaysachancetorundowntotheicepondwithourfriends,toplayhide-and-seekintheswamp,toridehorsestotheWickeryBridge,thendareeachothertodiveintotheicydepthsofWillowCreek.NowIjustwisheditwereover,soIcouldbealoneinmyroom.
“Stefan,caretoshareawhiskeywithme?”Robertcalledouttomefromthemakeshiftbarsetupontheportico.Tojudgefromhislopsidedgrin,hewasalreadydrunk.
Hepassedmeasweatingtumblerandtippedhisowntomine.“Prettysoon,therewillbeyoungSalvatoresallovertheplace.Canyoupictureit?”Heswepthishandsexpansivelyoverthegroundsasiftoshowmejusthowmuchroommyimaginaryfamilywouldhaveinwhichtogrow.
Iswirledmywhiskeymiserably,unabletopictureitformyself.
“Well,you’vemadeyourdaddyoneluckyman.AndRosalynoneluckygirl,”Robertsaid.Heliftedhisglasstomeonelasttime,thenwenttochatwiththeLockwoods’overseer.
Isighedandsatdownontheporchswing,observingthemerrimentoccurringallaroundme.IknewIshouldfeelhappy.IknewFatheronlywantedwhatwasbestforme.IknewthattherewasnothingwrongwithRosalyn.
Sowhydidthisengagementfeellikeadeathsentence?
Onthelawn,peoplewereeatingandlaughinganddancing,andamakeshiftbandmadeupofmychildhoodfriendsEthanGiffin,BrianWalsh,andMatthewHartnettwasplayingaversionof“TheBonnieBlueFlag.”Theskywascloudlessandtheweatherbalmy,withjustaslightnipintheairtoremindusthatitwas,indeed,fall.Inthedistance,schoolchildrenwereswingingandshriekingonthegate.Tobearoundsomuchmerriment—allmeantforme—andnotfeelhappymademyheartthudheavilyinmychest.
Standingup,IwalkedinsidetowardFather’sstudy.Ishutthedoortothestudyandbreathedasighofrelief.Onlythefainteststreamofsunlightpeekedthroughtheheavydamaskcurtains.Theroomwascoolandsmelledofwell-oiledleatherandmustybooks.ItookoutaslimvolumeofShakespeare’ssonnetsandturnedtomyfavoritepoem.Shakespearecalmedme,thewordssoothingmybrainandremindingmethattherewasloveandbeautyintheworld.Perhapsexperiencingitthroughartwouldbeenoughtosustainme.
IsettledintoFather’sleatherclubchairinthecornerandabsentmindedlyskimmedtheonionskinpages.I’mnotsurehowlongIsatthere,lettingthelanguagewashoverme,butthemoreIread,thecalmerIfelt.
“Whatareyoureading?”
Thevoicestartledme,andthebookslidoffmylapwithaclatter.
Katherinestoodatthestudyentrance,wearingasimple,whitesilkdressthathuggedeverycurveofherbody.Alltheotherwomenatthepartywerewearinglayersofcrinolineandmuslin,theirskinguardedunderthickfabric.ButKatherinedidn’tseemtheleastbitembarrassedbyherexposedwhiteshoulders.Outofpropriety,Iglancedaway.
“Whyaren’tyouattheparty?”Iasked,bendingtopickupmybook.
Katherinesteppedtowardme.“Whyaren’tyouattheparty?Aren’tyoutheguestofhonor?”Sheperchedonthearmofmychair.
“HaveyoureadShakespeare?”Iasked,gesturingtotheopenbookonmylap.Itwasalameattempttochangetheconversation;Ihadyettomeetagirlversedinhisworks.Justyesterday,Rosalynhadadmittedshehadn’tevenreadabookinthepastthreeyears,eversinceshehadgraduatedfromtheGirlsAcademy.Evenatthat,thelastvolumeshe’dperusedwasmerelyaprimeronhowtobeadutifulConfederatewife.
“Shakespeare,”sherepeated,heraccentexpandingthewordtothreesyllables.Itwasanoddaccent,notonethatI’dheardfromotherpeoplefromAtlanta.Sheswungherlegsbackandforth,andIcouldseethatshewasn’twearingstockings.Itoremyeyesaway.
“ShallIcomparetheetoasummer’sday?”shequoted.
Ilookedup,astonished.“Thouartmorelovelyandmoretemperate,”Isaid,continuingthequote.Myheartgallopedinmychest,andmybrainfeltasslowasmolasses,creatinganunusualsensationthatmademefeelIwasdreaming.
Katherineyankedthebookoffmylap,closingitwitharesoundingclap.“No,”shesaidfirmly.
“Butthat’showthenextlinegoes,”Isaid,annoyedthatshewaschangingtherulesofagameIthoughtIunderstood.
“That’showthenextlinegoesforMr.Shakespeare.ButIwassimplyaskingyouaquestion.ShallIcompareyoutoasummer’sday?Areyouworthyofthatcomparison,Mr.Salvatore?Ordoyouneedabooktodecide?”Katherineasked,grinningassheheldthevolumejustoutofmyreach.
Iclearedmythroat,mymindracing.Damonwouldhavesaidsomethingwittyinresponse,withouteventhinkingaboutit.ButwhenIwaswithKatherine,Iwaslikeaschoolboywhotriestoimpressagirlwithafrogcaughtfromthepond.
“Well,youcouldcomparemybrothertoasummer’sday.You’vebeenspendingalotoftimewithhim.”Myfacereddened,andinstantlyIwishedIcouldtakeitback.Isoundedsojealousandpetty.
“Maybeasummer’sdaywithafewthunderstormsinthedistance,”Katherinesaid,archinghereyebrow.“Butyou,ScholarlyStefan,youaredifferentfromDarkDamon.Or…”—Katherinelookedaway,aflickerofagrincrossingherface—“DashingDamon.”
“Icanbedashing,too,”Isaidpetulantly,beforeIevenrealizedwhatIwassaying.Ishookmyhead,frustrated.ItwasasthoughKatherinesomehowcompelledmetospeakwithoutthinking.Shewassolivelyandvivacious—talkingtoher,IfeltasthoughIwasinadream,wherenothingIsaidwouldhaveanyconsequencebuteverythingIsaidwasimportant.
“Well,then,Imustseethat,Stefan,”Katherinesaid.Sheplacedhericyhandonmyforearm.“I’vegottentoknowDamon,butIbarelyknowyou.It’squiteashame,don’tyouthink?”
Inthedistance,thebandstruckup“I’maGoodOldRebel.”IknewIneededtogetbackoutside,tosmokeacigarwithMr.Cartwright,totwirlRosalyninafirstwaltz,totoastmyplaceasamanofMysticFalls.ButinsteadIremainedontheleatherclubseat,wishingIcouldstayinthelibrary,breathinginKatherine’sscent,forever.
“MayImakeanobservation?”Katherineasked,leaningtowardme.Anerrantdarkcurlfloppeddownonherwhiteforehead.Ihadtouseallmystrengthtoresistpushingitoffherface.“Idon’tthinkyoulikewhat’shappeningrightnow.Thebarbecue,theengagement…”
Myheartpounded.IsearchedKatherine’sbrowneyes.Forthepastweek,I’dbeentryingdesperatelytohidemyfeelings.Buthadsheseenmepausingoutsidethecarriagehouse?HadsheseenmerunMezzanottetotheforestwhensheandDamonexploredthegarden,desperatetogetawayfromtheirlaughter?Hadshesomehowmanagedtoreadmythoughts?
Katherinesmiledruefully.“Poor,sweet,steadfastStefan.Haven’tyoulearnedyetthatrulesaremadetobebroken?Youcan’tmakeanyonehappy—yourfather,Rosalyn,theCartwrights—ifyou’renothappyyourself.”
Iclearedmythroat,achingwiththerealizationthatthiswomanwhoI’dknownforamatterofweeksunderstoodmebetterthanmyownfather…andmyfuturewife…everwould.
KatherineslidoffthechairandglancedatthevolumesonFather’sshelves.Shetookdownathick,leather-boundbook,TheMysteriesofMysticFalls.ItwasavolumeI’dneverseenbefore.Asmilelitherrose-coloredlips,andshebeckonedmetojoinheronmyfather’scouch.IknewIshouldn’t,butasifinatrance,Istoodandcrossedtheroom.Isankintothecool,crackedleathercushionnexttoherandjustletgo.
Afterall,whoknew?PerhapsafewmomentsinherpresencewouldbethebalmIneededtobreakmymelancholia.8
I’mnotsurehowlongwestayedintheroomtogether.Theminutestickedawayonthegrandfatherclockinthecorner,butallIwasawareofwastherhythmicsoundofKatherine’sbreath,thewaythelightcaughtherangularjaw,thequickflickofthepageaswelookedthroughthebook.IwasdimlyconsciousofthefactthatIneededtoleave,soon,butwheneverIthoughtofthemusicandthedancingandtheplatesoffriedchickenandRosalyn,Ifoundmyselfliterallyunabletomove.
“You’renotreading!”Katherineteasedatonepoint,glancingupfromTheMysteriesofMysticFalls
“No,I’mnot.”
“Why?Areyoudistracted?”Katherinerose,herslendershouldersstretchingasshereacheduptoplacethebookbackontheshelf.Sheputitinthewrongspot,nexttoFather’sworldgeographybooks.
“Here,”Imurmured,reachingbehindhertotakethebookandplaceitonthehighshelfwhereitbelonged.Thesmelloflemonandgingersurroundedme,makingmefeelwobblyanddizzy.Sheturnedtowardme.Ourlipsweremereinchesapart,andsuddenlythescentofherbecamenearlyunbearable.Eventhoughmyheadknewitwaswrong,myheartscreamedthatI’dneverbecompleteifIdidn’tkissKatherine.Iclosedmyeyesandleanedinuntilmylipsgrazedhers.
Foramoment,itfeltasthoughmyentirelifehadclickedintoplace.IsawKatherinerunningbarefootinthefieldsbehindtheguesthouse,mechasingafterher,ouryoungsonslungovermyshoulder.
Butthen,entirelyunbidden,animageofPenny,herthroattornout,floatedthroughmymind.Ipulledbackinstantly,asifstruckbylightning.
“I’msorry!”Isaid,leaningbackandtrippingagainstasmallendtable,stackedhighwithFather’svolumes.Theyfelltothefloor,thesoundmuffledbytheOrientalrugs.Mymouthtastedlikeiron.WhathadIjustdone?Whatifmyfatherhadcomein,eagertoopenthehumidorwithMr.Cartwright?Mybrainwhirledinhorror.
“Ihaveto…Ihavetogo.Ihavetogofindmyfiancée.”WithoutabackwardglanceatKatherineandthestunnedexpressionthatwassuretobeonherface,Ifledthestudyandranthroughtheemptyconservatoryandtowardthegarden.
Twilightwasjustbeginningtofall.Coachesweresettingoffwithmothersandyoungchildrenaswellascautiousrevelerswhowereafraidoftheanimalattacks.Nowwaswhentheliquorwouldflow,thebandwouldplaymoreloudly,andgirlswouldoutdothemselveswaltzing,intenttocapturetheeyesofaConfederatesoldierfromthenearbycamp.Ifeltmybreathreturningtonormal.NooneknewwhereI’dbeen,muchlesswhatIhaddone.
Istrodepurposefullyintothecenteroftheparty,asifI’dsimplybeenrefillingmyglassatthebar.IsawDamonsittingwithothersoldiers,playingaroundofpokeronthecorneroftheporch.Fivegirlsweresqueezedontotheporchswing,gigglingandtalkingloudly.FatherandMr.Cartwrightwerewalkingtowardthelabyrinth,eachholdingawhiskeyandgesturinginananimatedfashion,nodoubttalkingaboutthebenefitsoftheCartwright-Salvatoremerger.
“Stefan!”Ifeltahandclapmyback.“Wewerewonderingwheretheguestsofhonorwere.Norespectfortheirelders,”Robertsaidjovially.
“Rosalyn’sstillnothere?”Iasked.
“Youknowhowgirlsare.Theyhavetolookjustright,especiallyifthey’recelebratingtheirimpendingmarriage,”Robertsaid.
Hiswordsrangtrue,yetanunexplainableshiveroffearrusheddownmyspine.
Wasitjustme,orhadthesunsetremarkablyquickly?TherevelersonthelawnhadchangedtoshadowyfiguresinthefiveminutessinceI’dbeenoutside,andIcouldn’tmakeoutDamonwithinthegroupinthecorner.
LeavingRobertbehind,Ielbowedmywaypastthepartyguests.Itwasoddforagirltonotshowupatherownparty.Whatif,somehow,she’dcomeintothehouseandshe’dseen…
Butthatwasimpossible.Thedoorhadbeenclosed,theshadesdrawn.Iwalkedbrisklytowardtheservants’quartersnearthepond,wheretheservantswerehavingtheirownparty,toseeifRosalyn’scoachmanhadarrived.
Themoonreflectedoffthewater,castinganeerie,greenishglowontherocksandwillowtreessurroundingthepond.Thegrasswaswetwithdew,andstilltrampledfromthetimewhenDamon,Katherine,andIhadplayedfootballthere.Theknee-highmistmademewishIwerewearingmybootsinsteadofmydressshoes.
Isquinted.Atthebaseofthewillowtree,whereDamonandIhadspenthoursclimbingaschildren,wasashadowylumpontheground,likealarge,gnarledtreeroot.OnlyIdidn’trememberatreerootinthatspot.Isquintedagain.Foramoment,Iwonderedifitcouldbeapairofintertwinedlovers,tryingtoescapepryingeyes.Ismileddespitemyself.Atleastsomeonehadfoundloveatthisparty.
Butthenthecloudsshifted,andashaftofmoonlightilluminatedthetree—andtheformbeneathit.Irealizedwithasickeningjoltthattheshapewasn’ttwoloversinmid-embrace.ItwasRosalyn,mybetrothed,herthroattornout,hereyeshalfopen,staringupatthetreebranchesasiftheyheldthesecrettoauniverseshenolongerinhabited.9
It’sdifficultformetodescribethemomentsthatfollowed.
Irememberfootfallsandshriekingandtheservantsprayingoutsidetheirquarters.Irememberstayingonmyknees,yellingoutofhorrorandpityandfear.IrememberMr.CartwrightpullingmebackasMrs.Cartwrightsanktoherkneesandkeenedloudly,likeawoundedanimal.
Irememberseeingthepolicecarriage.IrememberFatherandDamonwringingtheirhandsandwhisperingaboutme,alliesintryingtodevelopthebestcourseformycare.Itriedtotalk,totellthemIwasfine—Iwas,afterall,alive.ButIcouldn’tformthewords.
Atonepoint,Dr.Janeshookedhisarmsundermyarmpitsanddraggedmetomyfeet.Slowly,menIdidn’tknowsurroundedmeanddraggedmetotheporchoftheservants’quarters.There,wordsweremumbled,andCordeliawascalledfor.“I’m…I’mfine,”Isaidfinally,embarrassedthatsomuchattentionwasbeingpaidtomewhenRosalynwastheonewho’dbeenkilled.
“Shhh,now,Stefan,”Cordeliasaid,herleatheryfacecreasedwithworry.Shepressedherhandstomychestandmutteredaprayerunderherbreath,thenpulledatinyvialfromthevoluminousfoldsofherskirt.Sheuncappeditandpressedittomylips.“Drink,”sheurgedasaliquidthattastedlikelicoricerandownmythroat.
“Katherine!”Iwhimpered.ThenIclappedmyhandovermyownmouth,butnotbeforeastartledexpressioncrossedCordelia’sface.Quickly,shedosedmewithmoreofthelicorice-scentedliquid.Idroppedbacktothehardstepsoftheporch,tootiredtothinkanymore.
“Hisbrotherisheresomewhere,”Cordeliasaid,soundingasifshewerespeakingunderwater.“Fetchhim.”
IheardthesoundoffootfallsandopenedmyeyesaninstantlatertoseeDamonstandingaboveme.Hisfacewaswhitewithshock.
“Willhebeokay?”Damonasked,turningtoCordelia.
“Ithink…,”Dr.Janesbegan.
“Heneedsrest.Quiet.Adarkroom,”Cordeliasaidauthoritatively.
Damonnodded.
“I’m…Rosalyn…Ishouldhave…,”Ibegan,eventhoughIdidn’tknowhowtofinishthesentence.Shouldhavewhat?Shouldhavegonelookingforherfarearlier,insteadofspendingmytimekissingKatherine?Shouldhaveinsistedonescortinghertotheparty?
“Shhh,”Damonwhispered,hoistingmeup.Imanagedtostand,shakily,besidehim.Fromoutofnowhere,Fatherappearedandheldmyotherarm,andIhaltinglymanagedtostepofftheporchandbacktothehouse.Revelersstoodonthegrass,holdingeachother,andSheriffForbescalledoutforthemilitiatosearchinthewoods.IfeltDamonguidingmethroughthebackdoorofthehouseandupthestairsbeforeallowingmetocollapseonmybed.Ifellintothecottonsheets,andthenIremembernothingbutdarkness.
Thenextmorning,Iawoketobeamsofsunlightscatteredonthecherrywoodfloorboardsofmybedroom.
“Goodmorning,brother.”Damonwassittinginthecornerintherockingchair,theonethatusedtobelongtoGreat-grandfather.Ourmotherhadrockedusinitwhenwewereinfants,singingsongstousaswewenttosleep.Damon’seyeswereredandbloodshot,andIwonderedifhe’dbeensittinglikethat,watchingme,allnight.
“Rosalyn’sdead?”Ivoiceditasaquestion,eventhoughtheanswerwasobvious.
“Yes.”Damonstoodup,turningtothecrystalpitcheronthewalnutdresser.Hepouredwaterintoatumblerandheldittowardme.Istruggledtositupright.
“No,stay,”Damoncommandedwiththeauthorityofanarmyofficer.I’dneverheardhimspeaklikethatbefore.Ifellbackagainstthegoose-downpillowsandallowedDamontobringtheglasstomylipsasifIwereaninfant.Thecool,clearliquidslippeddownmythroat,andonceagain,Ithoughtbacktolastnight
“Didshesuffer?”Iasked,apainfulseriesofimagesmarchingthroughmybrain.WhileI’dbeenrecitingShakespeare,Rosalynmusthavebeenplanninghergrandentrance.Shemusthavebeensoexcitedtoshowoffherdress,tohavetheyoungergirlsgapeatherring,tohavetheolderwomentakeherofftoacornertodiscusstheparticularsofherweddingnight.Iimaginedherdashingacrossthelawn,thenhearingfootstepsbehindher,onlytoturnandseeflashingwhiteteethglisteninginthemoonlight.Ishuddered.
Damoncrossedovertothebedandputhishandonmyshoulder.Suddenlytherushofterrifyingimagesstopped.“Deathusuallyhappensinlessthanasecond.Thatwasthecaseinthewar,andI’msureitwasthesameforyourRosalyn.”Hesettledbackinhischairandrubbedhistemple.“Theythinkitwasacoyote.Thewarisbringingpeopleeastforbattle,andtheythinktheanimalsarefollowingthebloodtrail.”
“Coyotes,”Isaid,myvoicetrippingonthesecondsyllable.Ihadn’theardthewordbefore.Itwasjustonemoreexampleofnewphraseslikekilledandawidowerthatwereabouttobeaddedtomyvocabulary.
“Ofcourse,therearethosepeople,includingFather,whothinkitwastheworkofdemons.”Damonrolledhisdarkeyes.“Justwhatourtownneeds.Anepidemicofmasshysteria.Andwhatkillsmeaboutthatlittlerumoristhatwhenpeopleareconvincedtheirtownisundersiegebysomedemonicforce,they’renotfocusingonthefactthatwarisrippingapartourcountry.It’sthishead-in-the-sandmentalitythatIsimplycannotunderstand.”
Inodded,notreallylistening,notabletoviewRosalyn’sdeathaspartofsomesortofargumentagainstthewar.AsDamoncontinuedtoramble,Ilaybackandclosedmyeyes.IvisualizedRosalyn’sfaceatthemomentIfoundher.There,inthedarkness,she’dlookeddifferent.Hereyeshadbeenlargeandluminescent.Asthoughshe’dseensomethingterrible.Asthoughshe’dsufferedhorribly.10
September4,1864
Midnight.Toolatetofallasleep,tooearlytobeawake.Acandleburnsonmynightstand,theflickeringshadowsforeboding.
Iamhauntedalready.WillIeverforgivemyselffornotfindingRosalynuntilitwastoolate?Andwhyisshe—theoneIvowedtoforget—stillonmymind?
Myheadispounding.Cordeliaisalwaysatthedoor,offeringdrinks,lozenges,powderedherbs.Itakethem,likearecuperatingchild.FatherandDamonglanceatmewhentheythinkI’masleep.Dotheyknowofthenightmares?
Ithoughtmarriagewasafateworsethandeath.Iwaswrong.Iwaswrongaboutsomanythings,toomanythings,andallIcandoisprayforforgivenessandhopethatsomehow,somewhere,Icansummonstrengthfromthedepthsofmyexistencetostepfirmlyontothepathoftherightagain.Iwilldoit.Imust.ForRosalyn.
Andforher.
NowIwillblowoutthecandleandhopeforsleep—likethatofthedead—toengulfmequickly….
“Stefan!Timetogetup!”myfathercalled,slammingmybedroomdoor.
“What?”Istruggledtosit,notsurewhathouritwas,orwhatdayitwas,orhowmuchtimehadpassedsinceRosalyn’sdeath.Dayfadedintonight,andIcouldneverreallysleep,onlydozeintoterrifyingdreams.Iwouldn’thaveeatenanything,exceptthatCordeliacontinuedtocomeintomyroomwithherconcoctions,spoon-feedingthemtometoensurethattheywereeaten.She’dmakefriedchickenandokraandathickmashofwhatshecalledsuffererstew,whichshesaidwouldmakemefeelbetter.
She’dleftanotherone,adrinkthistime,onmynightstand.Idrankitquickly
“Getready.Alfredwillhelpyouprepare,”myfathersaid.
“Getreadyforwhat?”Iasked,swingingmylegsontothefloor.Ihobbledtothemirror.Ihadstubbleovermychin,andmytawnyhairstooduponallends.Myeyeswerered,andmynightshirtwashangingoffmyshoulders.Ilookedawful.
Fatherstoodbehindme,appraisingmyreflection.“You’llpullyourselftogether.TodayisRosalyn’sfuneral,andit’simportanttomeandtheCartwrightsthatwearethere.Wewanttoshoweveryonethatwemustbandtogetheragainsttheevilthat’sscourgingourtown.”
WhileFatherprattledonaboutdemons,IthoughtaboutfacingtheCartwrightsforthefirsttime.Istillfelthorriblyguilty.Icouldn’thelpthinkingthattheattackwouldn’thavehappenedifI’dbeenwaitingforRosalynontheporch,insteadoflingeringinthestudywithKatherine.IfI’dbeenoutside,waitingforRosalyn,Iwouldhaveseenherwalkingfromthefieldsinherpinkdress.MaybeIcouldhavefaceddeathwithher,too,andshewouldn’thavehadtoconfrontthatnightmarishanimalalone.ImaynothavelovedRosalyn,butIcouldn’tforgivemyselffornotbeingtheretosaveher.
“Well,comeon,”FathersaidimpatientlyasAlfredwalkedin,holdingawhitelinenshirtandadouble-breastedblacksuit.Iblanched.ItwasthesuitI’dhavewornatmywedding—andthechurchwhereweweremourningRosalynwastohavebeenthesiteoftheceremonyestablishingourunion.Still,Imanagedtochangeintothesuit,allowedAlfredtohelpmeshave,sincemyhandsweresoshaky,andemergedanhourlaterreadytodowhatIhadtodo.
IkeptmyeyesdownasIfollowedFatherandDamontothecarriage.Fathersatupfront,nexttoAlfred,whileDamonsatinthebackwithme.
“Howareyou,brother?”Damonaskedabovethefamiliarclip-clopofDuke’sandJake’shoovesdownWillowCreekRoad.
“Notverywell,”Isaidformally,astifflumpinmythroat.
Damonputahandonmyshoulder.Themagpieschattered,thebeesbuzzed,andthesuncastagoldenglowonthetrees.Theentirecoachsmelledlikeginger,andIfeltmystomachheave.Itwasthesmellofguiltoverlustingafterawomanwhowasnevertobe—couldneverbe—mywife.
“Yourfirstdeath,thefirstoneyouwitness,changesyou,”Damonsaidfinally,asthecoachpulleduptothewhiteclapboardchurch.Thechurchbellswereringing,andeverybusinessintownwasclosedfortheday.“Butperhapsitcanchangeyouforthebetter.”
“Maybe,”IsaidasIdescendedfromthecoach.ButIdidn’tseehow.
WereachedthedoorasDr.Janeshobbledintothechurch,hiscaneinonehandandaflaskofwhiskeyinanother.PearlandAnnaweresittingtogether,andJonathanGilbertsatbehindthem,hiselbowsperchedontheedgeofPearl’spew,justinchesfromhershoulder.
SheriffForbeswasinhisusualplaceinthesecondpew,glaringattheclusterofrougedwomenfromthetavernwhohadcometopaytheirrespects.AttheedgeoftheircirclewasAlice,thebarmaid,coolingherselfwithasilkfan.
CalvinBailey,theorganist,wasplayinganadaptationofMozart’sRequiem,butheseemedtohitasournoteeveryfewchords.Inthefrontpew,Mr.Cartwrightstaredstraightahead,whileMrs.Cartwrightsobbedandoccasionallyblewhernoseintoalacehandkerchief.Atthefrontofthechurch,aclosedoakcasketwascoveredwithflowers.Wordlessly,Iwalkedtothecasketandkneltdowninfrontofit.
“I’msosorry,”Iwhispered,touchingthecasket,whichfeltcoldandhard.Unbidden,imagesofmybetrothedpoppedupinmymind:Rosalyngigglingoverhernewpuppy,giddilydiscussingflowercombinationsforourwedding,riskingthewrathofhermaidbyplantingacovertkissonmycheekattheendofonevisit.Imovedmyhandsoffthecasketandputthemtogether,asifinprayer.“IhopethatyouandPennyhavefoundeachotherinHeaven.”Ileaneddown,lettingmylipsgrazethecasket.Iwantedhertoknow,wherevershewas,thatIwouldhavelearnedtoloveher.“Good-bye.”
Iturnedtotakemyseatandstoppedshort.RightbehindmewasKatherine.Shewaswearingadark-bluecottondressthatstoodoutintheseaofblackcrepethatfilledthepews.
“I’msosorryforyourloss,”Katherinesaid,touchingmyarm.Iflinchedanddrewmyarmback.Howdareshetouchmesofamiliarlyinpublic?Didn’tsherealizethatifwehadn’tbeencarryingonatthebarbecueinthefirstplace,thetragedymightneverhavehappened?
Concernregisteredinherdarkeyes.“Iknowhowhardthismustbeforyou,”shesaid.“Pleaseletmeknowifyouneedanything.”
Iimmediatelyfeltawaveofguiltforassumingshewasdoinganythingotherthanshowingsympathy.Afterall,herparentshaddied.Shewasjustayounggirl,reachingouttoofferhersupport.Shelookedsosadthatforonewildsecond,Iwastemptedtocrosstheaisleandcomforther.
“Thankyou,”Isaidinstead,suckinginmystalebreathandwalkingbacktothepew.IslidnexttoDamon,whohadhishandscrossedpiouslyoveraBible.InoticedhiseyesflickupasKatherinebrieflykneltdownbythecoffin.Ifollowedhisgaze,noticingthewayseveralcurlshadescapedfrombeneathherhatandwerecurlingaroundtheornateclasponherbluenecklace.
Afewminuteslater,theRequiemended,andPastorCollinsstrodeuptothepulpit.“We’reheretocelebratealifecutfartooshort.Thereisevilamongus,andwewillmournthisdeath,butwewillalsodrawstrengthfromthisdeath…,”heintoned.
IcovertlyglancedacrosstheaisleatKatherine.Herservant,Emily,wassittingnexttoherononesideandPearlontheother.Katherine’shandswerefoldedasifinprayer.Sheturnedslightly,asiftolookatme.Iforcedmyselftolookawaybeforeoureyescouldmeet.IwouldnotdishonorRosalynbythinkingofKatherine.
Igazedupattheunfinished,steepledbeamsofthechurch.I’msorry,Ithought,sendingthemessageupwardandhopingthatRosalyn,wherevershewas,heardit.11
ThemistroseuparoundmyfeetasIwalkedtowardthewillowtree.Thesunwasquicklysetting,butIcouldstillmakeoutashadowyfigurenestledbetweentheroots.
Iglancedagain.ItwasRosalyn,herpartydressshimmeringintheweaklight.Bileroseinmythroat.Howcouldshebehere?Shewasburied,herbodysixfeetundergroundattheMysticFallscemetery.
AsIwalkedcloser,steelingmycourageandgraspingtheknifeinmypocket,Inoticedherlifelesseyesreflectingtheverdantleavesabove.Herdarkcurlsstucktoherclammyforehead.Andherneckwasn’ttornoutatall.Instead,herneckdisplayedonlytwoneatlittleholes,thesizeofshoddingnails.Asifguidedbyanunseenhand,Ifelltomykneesnexttoherbody.
“I’msorry,”Iwhispered,staringatthecrackedearthbelow.ThenIraisedmyeyesandfrozeinhorror.Becauseitwasn’tRosalyn’sbodyatall.
ItwasKatherine’s.
Asmallsmilecurvedherrosebudlips,asifsheweresimplydreaming.
Ifoughttheurgetoscream.IwouldnotletKatherinedie!ButasIreachedtowardherwounds,shesatstraightup.Hervisagemorphed,herdarkcurlsfadedtoblond,andhereyesglowedred.
Istartedbackward.
“It’syourfault!”Thewordscutthroughthestillnight,thetonehollowandotherworldly.ThevoicebelongedneithertoKatherinenorRosalyn—buttoademon.
Iscreamed,grippingmypenknifeandslicingitintothenightair.Thedemonlungedforwardandclutchedmyneck.Itlowereditssharpenedcaninestomyskin,andeverythingfadedtoblack….
Iwokeupinacoldsweat,sittingupright.Acrowcawedoutside;inthedistance,Icouldhearchildrenplaying.Sunbeamsweredappledalongmywhitebedspread,andadinnertraywassittingonmydesk.Itwasdaylight.Iwasinmyownbed
Adream.Irememberedthefuneral,theridefromthechurch,myexhaustionasIclimbedthestairstomybedroom.Ithadjustbeenadream,aproductoftoomuchemotionandstimulationtoday.Adream,Iremindedmyselfagain,willingmyhearttostoppounding.Itookalonggulpofwaterstraightfromthepitcheronthenightstand.Mybrainslowlystilled,butmyheartcontinuedtoraceandmyhandsstillfeltclammy.Becauseitwasn’tadream,oratleastnotlikeanydreamI’deverhadbefore.Itwasasifdemonswereinvadingmymind,andIwasnolongersurewhatwasrealorwhatthoughtstotrust.
Istoodup,tryingtoshakeoffthenightmare,andwandereddownstairs.ItookthebackstepssoasnottocrosspathswithCordeliainthekitchen.She’dbeentakinggoodcareofme,justaswhenIhadbeenachildinmourningformymother,butsomethingaboutherwatchfulgazemademenervous.Iknewshe’dheardmecalloutforKatherine,andIferventlyhopedshewasn’ttellingtalestotheservants.
IwalkedintoFather’sstudyandglancedathisshelves,findingmyselfdrawnyetagaintotheShakespearesection.Saturdayseemedlikealifetimeago.Still,thecandleinthesilvercandlestickholderwasexactlywhereKatherineandIhadleftit,andTheMysteriesofMysticFallswasstillonthechair.IfIclosedmyeyes,Icouldalmostsmelllemon.
IshookthatthoughtawayandhastilypickedoutavolumeofMacbeth,aplayaboutjealousyandloveandbetrayalanddeath,whichsuitedmymoodperfectly.
Iforcedmyselftositontheleatherclubchairandglanceatthewords,forcedmyselftoturnthepages.Maybethat’swhatIneededinordertoproceedwiththerestofmylife.IfIjustkeptforcingmyselftotakeaction,maybeI’dfinallygetovertheguiltandsadnessandfearI’dbeencarryingwithmesinceRosalyn’sdeath.
Justthen,Iheardaknockonthedoor.
“Father’snothere,”Icalled,hopingwhoeveritwaswouldgoaway.
“SirStefan?”Alfred’svoicecalled.“It’savisitor.”
“No,thankyou,”Ireplied.ItwasprobablySheriffForbesagain.He’dalreadycomebyfourorfivetimes,speakingtoDamonandFather.SofarI’dmanagedtobegoffthevisits.Icouldn’tstandthethoughtoftellinghim—tellinganyone—whereI’dbeenatthetimeoftheattack.
“Thevisitorisquiteinsistent,”Alfredcalled.
“Soareyou,”ImutteredundermybreathasIstrodetothedoorandopenedit
“She’sinthesittingroom,”Alfredsaid,turningonhisheel.
“Wait!”Isaid.She.Coulditbe…Katherine?Myheartquickeneddespiteitself.
“Sir?”Alfredasked,mid-step.
“I’llbethere.”
Frantically,Isplashedwaterfromthebasininthecorneronmyfaceandusedmyhandstosmoothmyhairbackfrommyforehead.Myeyesstilllookedhooded,andtinyvesselshadbroken,reddeningthewhites,buttherewasnothingmoreIcoulddotomakemelook,letalonefeel,morelikemyself.
Istrodepurposefullyintotheparlor.Foraninstant,myheartfellwithdisappointment.InsteadofKatherine,sittingontheredvelvetwingbackchairinthecornerwashermaid,Emily.Shehadabasketofflowersonherlapandheldadaisytohernose,asifshedidn’thaveacareintheworld.
“Hello,”Isaidformally,alreadytryingtocomeupwithawaytopolitelyexcusemyself.
“Mr.Salvatore.”Emilystoodupandhalf-curtseyed.Sheworeasimplewhiteeyeletdressandbonnet,andherdarkskinwassmoothandunlined.“MymistressandIjoinyouinyoursorrows.SheaskedthatIgiveyouthis,”shesaid,profferingthebaskettowardme.
“Thankyou,”Isaid,takingthebasket.Iabsentmindedlyputasprigoflilactomynoseandinhaled.
“I’dusetheseinyourhealing,ratherthanCordelia’sconcoctions,”Emilysaid.
“Howdidyouknowaboutthat?”Iwondered.
“Servantstalk.ButIfearthatwhateverCordelia’sfeedingyoumaybedoingyoumoreharmthangood.”Shepluckedafewblossomsfromthebasket,twiningthemintoabouquet.“Daisies,magnolias,andbleedingheartwillhelpyouheal.”
“Andpansiesforthoughts?”Iasked,rememberingaquotefromShakespeare’sHamlet.AssoonasIsaidit,Irealizeditwasafoolishstatement.HowwouldanuneducatedservantgirlpossiblyknowwhatIwasspeakingof?
ButEmilysimplysmiled.“Nopansies,althoughmymistressdidmentionyourloveofShakespeare.”Shereachedintothebasketandbrokeoffasprigoflilac,whichshethenpushedgentlyintomybuttonhole.
Iheldthebasketupandinhaled.Itsmelledlikeflowers,buttherewassomethingelse:theintoxicatingaromathatI’donlyexperiencedwhenIwasnearKatherine.Iinhaledagain,feelingtheconfusionanddarknessofthepastfewdaysslowlyfade.
“Iknoweverything’sverystrangerightnow,”Emilysaid,breakingmyreverie.“Butmymistressonlywishesthebestforyou.”Shenoddedtowardthecouch,asifinvitingmetositdown.Obediently,Isatandstaredather.ShewasremarkablybeautifulandcarriedherselfwithatypeofgraceI’dneverseenbefore.Hermovementsandmannersweresodeliberatethatwatchingherwaslikewatchingapaintingcometolife.
“Shewouldliketoseeyou,”Emilysaidafteramoment.
Thesecondthewordsleftherlips,Irealizedthatcouldneverbe.AsIsatthere,inthedaylightoftheparlor,withanotherpersonratherthanbeinglostinmyownthoughts,everythingclickedintofocus.Iwasawidower,andmydutynowwastomournRosalyn,nottomournmyschoolboyfantasyoflovewithKatherine.Besides,Katherinewasabeautifulorphanwithnofriendsorrelations.Itwouldneverwork—couldneverwork.
“Ididseeher.AtRosalyn’s…atthefuneral,”Isaidstiffly.
“That’shardlyasocialcall,”Emilypointedout.“She’dliketoseeyou.Somewhereprivate.Whenyou’reready,”sheaddedquickly.
IknewwhatIhadtosay,whattheonlyproperthingtosaywas,butthewordswerehardtoform.“Iwillsee,butinmycurrentcondition,I’mafraidI’mprobablynotinthebestmoodtogowalking.Pleasesendyourmistressmyregrets,althoughshewillnotwantforcompany.Iknowmybrotherwillgowherevershewishes,”Isaid,thewordsheavyonmytongue.
“Yes.SheisquitefondofDamon.”Emilygatheredherskirtsandstoodup.Istoodupaswellandfelt,eventhoughItoweredaheadtaller,thatshewassomehowmorepowerfulthanme.Itwasanoddyetnotaltogetherunpleasantfeeling.“Butyoucan’targuewithtruelove.”
Withthatshesweptoutthedoorandacrossthegrounds,thedaisyinherhairscatteringitspetalsintothewind.12
I’mnotsureifitwasthefreshairortheflowersEmilyhadbroughtme,butIsleptsoundlythatnight.ThenextmorningIwokeuptobrightsunlightinmychambersand,forthefirsttimesinceRosalyn’sdeath,didn’tbothertodrinktheconcoctionCordeliahadleftonmynightstand.Thesmellofcinnamonandeggsfloatedupfromthekitchen,andIheardthesnortofthehorsesasAlfredhitchedthemoutside.Forasecond,Ifeltathrillofpossibilityandthenascentbudofhappiness.
“Stefan!”myfatherboomedontheothersideofthedoor,rappingthreetimeswithhiswalkingstickorridingcrop.Justlikethat,Irememberedallthathadtranspiredinthepastweek,andmymalaisereturned.
Iremainedsilent,hopinghe’dsimplygoaway.Butinsteadheswungthedooropen.Hewaswearinghisridingbreechesandcarriedhisblackridingcrop,asmileonhisfaceandasprigofavioletflowerinhislapel.Itwasneitherprettynorfragrant;infact,itlookedlikeoneoftheherbsCordeliagrewdownbytheservants’quarters.
“We’regoingriding,”Fatherannouncedasheswungopentheshutters.Ishadedmyeyesagainsttheglare.Wastheworldalwayssobright?“Thischamberneedstobecleanedandyou,myboy,needsun.”
“ButIshouldreallyattendtomystudies,”Isaid,gesturinglimplytothevolumeofMacbethopenonmydesk.
Fathertookthebookandcloseditwithadefinitiveclap.“IneedtospeaktoyouandDamon,awayfromanypryingears.”Heglancedsuspiciouslyaroundthechambers.IfollowedhisgazebutsawnothingexceptforacollectionofdirtydishesthatCordeliahadn’tyetcleared.
Asifoncue,Damonstrodeintotheroom,wearingapairofmustard-coloredbreechesandhisgrayConfederatecoat.“Father!”Damonrolledhiseyes.“Don’ttellmeyou’reonaboutthatdemonnonsenseagain.”
“It’snotnonsense!”Fatherroared.“Stefan,I’llseeyouandyourbrotheratthestable,”hesaid,turningonhisheelandstridingout.Damonshookhishead,thenfollowedhim,leavingmetochange.
Iputonmyfullridingcostume—agraywaistcoatandbrownbreeches—andsighed,notsureIhadenoughstrengthtorideortoendureanothermarathonbickeringsessionbetweenmyfatherandbrother.WhenIopenedthedoor,IfoundDamonstandingatthebottomofthecurvedstaircase,waiting.
“Feelingbetter,brother?”Damonaskedaswewalkedoutthedoorandacrossthelawntogether.
Inodded,evenasInoticedthespotunderthewillowtreewhereI’dfoundRosalyn.Thegrasswaslongandbrightgreen,andsquirrelsweredartingaroundthetree’sgnarledtrunk.Sparrowschirped,andthedroopingbranchesoftheweepingwillowlookedlushandfullofpromise.Therewasnosignthatanythinghadbeenamiss.
Ibreathedasighofreliefwhenwereachedthestable,inhalingthefamiliar,lovedscentofwell-oiledleatherandsawdust.“Hi,girl,”IwhisperedintoMezzanotte’svelvetyear.Shewhinniedinappreciation.Hercoatseemedsilky-smooth,evenmoresothanthelasttimeI’dbrushedit.“SorryIhaven’tcometovisityou,butitlookslikemybrother’stakengoodcareofyou.”
“Actually,Katherine’stakenashinetoher.Whichistoobadforherownhorses.”Damonsmiledfondlyashejerkedhischintotwocoal-blackmaresinthecorner.Indeed,theywerestampingtheirfeetandstaringatthegrounddejectedly,asiftoexpressjusthowignoredandlonelytheywere.
“You’vebeenspendingquiteabitoftimewithKatherine,”Isaidfinally.Itwasastatement,notaquestion.Ofcoursehehadbeen.Damonalwayshadaneasearoundwomen.Iknewheknewwomen,especiallyafterhisyearintheConfederatearmy.He’dtoldmestoriesaboutsomeofthewomenhe’dmetincitieslikeAtlantaandLexingtonthathadmademeblush.DidheknowKatherine?
“Ihavebeen,”Damonsaid,swinginghislegoverthebackofhishorse,Jake.Hedidn’telaborate.
“Ready,boys?”Fathercalled,hishorseimpatientlystampingitsfeet.InoddedandfellintostridebehindDamonandFatherasweheadedtotheWickeryBridge,allthewayontheotherendoftheproperty.
Wecrossedthebridgeandcontinuedonintotheforest.Iblinkedinrelief.Thesunlighthadbeentoobright.Imuchpreferredthedarkshadowsofthetrees.Thewoodswerecool,withwetleavescoveringtheforestfloor,eventhoughtherehadn’tbeenarainstormrecently.Theleavesweresothick,youcouldseeonlyslightpatchesofbluesky,andoccasionallyI’dheartherustleofaraccoonorbadgerintheunderbrush.ItriednottothinkoftheanimalnoisesascomingfromthebeastthathadattackedRosalyn.
Wecontinuedridingintotheforestuntilwereachedtheclearing.Fatherabruptlystoppedandhitchedhishorsetoabirchtree.IobedientlyhitchedMezzanottetoatreeandglancedaround.Theclearingwasmarkedbyacollectionofrockssetupinaroughcircle,abovewhichthetreespartedtoprovideanaturalwindowtothesky.Ihadn’tbeenthereinages,notsincebeforeDamonwentaway.Whenwewereboys,weusedtoplayillicitcardgamesherewiththeotherfellowsintown.Everyoneknewtheclearingwastheplaceboyscametogamble,girlscametogossip,andeveryonecametospilltheirsecrets.IfFatherreallymeanttokeepourconversationquiet,he’dhavebeenbetterofftakingustothetaverntotalk.
“We’reintrouble,”Fathersaidwithoutpreamble,glancingupatthesky.Ifollowedhisgaze,expectingtoseeafast-movingsummerstorm.Instead,theskywasspotlessandblue.Ifoundnosolaceinthisbeautifulday.IwasstillhauntedbyRosalyn’slifelesseyes.
“We’renot,Father,”Damonsaidthickly.“Youknowwho’sintrouble?Allofthesoldiersfightingthisgodforsakenwarforthiscauseyou’vemademetrytobelievein.Theproblemisthewarandyourincessantneedtofindconflicteverywhereyouturn.”Damonangrilystompedhisfeet,remindingmesomuchofMezzanottethatIstifledtheurgetolaugh.
“Iwillnothaveyoutalkbacktome!”Fathersaid,shakinghisfistatDamon.Iglancedbackandforthatthetwoofthem,asthoughIwerewatchingatennismatch.DamontoweredoverFather’sslopingshoulders,andforthefirsttimeIrealizedthatFatherwasgettingold.
Damonputhishandsonhiships.“Thentalk.Let’shearwhatyouhavetosay.”
IexpectedFathertoshout,butinsteadhecrossedtooneoftherocks,hiskneescreakingashebenttosit.“YouwanttoknowwhyIleftItaly?Ileftitforyou.Formyfuturechildren.IknewIwantedmysonstogrowandmarryandhavechildrenonlandIownedandlandIloved.AndIdolovethisland,andIwillnotwatchitbedestroyedbydemons,”Fathersaid,flinginghishandswildly.Isteppedback,andMezzanottewhinniedalong,plaintivenote.“Demons,”herepeated,asiftoprovehispoint.
“Demons?”Damonsnorted.“Morelikebigdogs.Don’tyouseeit’stalklikethisthatwillmakeyouloseeverything?Yousayyouwantagoodlifeforus,butyou’realwaysdecidinghowwe’lllivethatlife.YoumademegotowarandmadeStefangetengaged,andnowyou’remakingusbelieveyourfairytales,”Damonyelledinfrustration.
IglancedatFatherguiltily.Ididn’twanthimtoknowIhadn’tlovedRosalyn.ButFatherdidn’tlookatme.HewastoobusygloweringatDamon.
“AllIwantedwasformyboystohavethebest.Iknowwhatwe’refacing,andIdonothavetimeforyourschoolboyarguments.Iamnottellingtalesrightnow.”Fatherglancedbackatme,andIforcedmyselftolookintohisdarkeyes.“Pleaseunderstand.Therearedemonswhowalkamongus.Theyexistedintheoldcountry,too.Theywalkedthesameearth,talkedlikehumans.Buttheywouldn’tdrinklikehumans.”
“Well,iftheydon’tdrinkwine,thatwouldbeablessing,wouldn’tit?”Damonaskedsarcastically.Istiffened.IrememberedallthetimesafterMotherhaddiedthatFatherwoulddrinktoomuchwineorwhiskey,lockhimselfinthestudy,thenmumblelateintothenightaboutghostsordemons.
“Damon!”Fathersaid,hisvoiceevensharperthanmybrother’s.“Iwillignoreyourimpudence.ButIwillnothaveyouignoreme.Listentome,Stefan.”Fatherturnedtowardme.“WhatyousawhappentoyouryoungRosalynwasn’tnatural.Itwasn’toneofDamon’scoyotes,”Fathersaid,practicallyspittingouttheword.“Itwasunvampiro.Theywereintheoldcountry,andnowthey’rehere,”Fathersaid,screwinguphisfloridface.“Andtheyaredoingharm.They’refeedingonus.Andweneedtostopit.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”Iaskednervously,anytraceofexhaustionordizzinessgone.AllIfeltwasfear.IthoughtbacktoRosalyn,butthistime,insteadofrememberinghereyes,Irememberedthebloodonherthroat,havingflowedfromthetwoprecisecirclesonthesideofherneck.Itouchedmyownneck,feelingthepulseofbloodbeneathmyskin.TherushbelowmyfingersspedupasIfeltmyheartskipabeat.CouldFatherbe…right?
“Fathermeansthathe’sbeenspendingtoomuchtimelisteningtothechurchladiestelltheirtales.Father,thisisastorythatwouldbetoldtoscareachild.Andnotaverycleverone.Everythingyou’resayingisnonsense.”Damonshookhisheadandangrilystoodfromhisperchonthetreestump.“Iwillnotsitaroundandbetoldghoststories.”Withthat,heturnedonhisgold-buttonedbootandswunghisfootupoverJake’sback,gazingdownatFather,asifdaringhimtosayonemorething.
“Markmywords,”Fathersaid,takingastepclosertome.“Vampiresareamongus.Theylooklikeusandcanliveamongus,buttheyarenotwhoweare.Theydrinkblood.Itistheirelixiroflife.Theydonothavesouls,andtheyneverdie.Theyareforeverimmortal.”
Thewordimmortalmademesuckinmybreath.Thewindchanged,andtheleavesbeganrustling.Ishivered.“Vampires,”Irepeatedslowly.I’dheardthewordoncebefore,whenDamonandIwereschoolchildrenandusedtogatherontheWickeryBridge,tryingtoscareourfriends.Oneboyhadtoldusofseeingafigurekneelingdowninthewoods,feastingontheneckofadeer.Theboytoldushehadscreamedandthefigurehadturnedtohimwithhellredeyes,blooddrippingfromlong,sharpteeth.Avampire,hesaidwithconviction,glancingaroundthecircletoseeifhe’dimpressedanyofus.Butbecausehe’dbeenpaleandscrawnyandnotanygoodatshooting,we’dlaughedandmockedhimmercilessly.HeandhisfamilyhadmovedtoRichmondthenextyear.
“Well,I’dtakevampiresoveraninsanefather,”Damonsaid,kickingJake’sflanksandridingoffintothesunset.IturnedtowardFather,expectinganangrytirade.ButFathersimplyshookhishead.
“Doyoubelieveme,son?”heasked.
Inodded,eventhoughIwasn’tsurewhatIbelieved.AllIknewwasthatsomehow,inthepastweek,thewholeworldhadchanged,andIwasn’tsurewhereIfitinanymore.
“Good.”Fathernoddedaswerodeoutoftheforestandontothebridge.“Wemustbecareful.Itseemsthewarhasawakenedthevampires.It’sasiftheycansmellblood.”
Thewordbloodechoedinmymindaswedirectedourhorsestowalkawayfromthecemeteryandtowardtheshortcutthroughthefieldsthatwouldleadtothepond.Inthedistance,Icouldseethesunreflectingonthepond’ssurface.Noonewouldeverimaginethisverdant,rollinglandasbeingaplacewheredemonswalked.Demons,iftheyexistedatall,belongedintheoldcountry,amidthedecrepitchurchesandcastlesFatherhadgrownupwith.AllthewordsFathersaidwerefamiliar,buttheysoundedsostrangeintheplacewherehewassayingthem.
Fatherglancedaroundasiftomakesurenoonewashidinginthebushesnearthebridge.Thehorseswerewalkingalongsidethegraveyardnow,theheadstonesbrightandimposinginthewarmsummerlight.“Bloodiswhattheyfeedon.Itgivesthempower.”
“Butthen…,”Isaid,astheinformationwhirledinmybrain.“Iftheyareimmortal,thenhowareweto…”
“Killthem?”Fatherasked,finishingmythought.Hepulledthereinsonhishorse.“Therearemethods.I’vebeenlearning.I’veheardthere’sapriestinRichmondwhocantrytoexorcisethem,butthenpeopleintownknow…somethings,”hefinished.“JonathanGilbertandSheriffForbesandIhavediscussedsomepreliminarymeasures.”“Ifthere’sanythingIcando…,”Iofferedfinally,unsurewhattosay.
“Ofcourse,”Fathersaidbrusquely.“Iexpectyoutobepartofourcommittee.Forstarters,I’vebeentalkingtoCordelia.Sheknowsherherbs,andshesaysthere’saplantcalledvervain.”Father’shandflutteredtothefloweronhislapel.“Wewillcomeupwithaplan.Andwewillprevail.Becausewhiletheymayhaveimmortality,wehaveGodonourside.Itiskillorbekilled.Doyouunderstandme,boy?Thisisthewaryou’rebeingdraftedtofight.”
Inodded,feelingthefullweightoftheresponsibilityonmyshoulders.MaybethiswaswhatIwasmeanttobedoing:notgettingmarriedorgoingofftowar,butfightinganunnaturalevil.ImetFather’sgaze.
“I’lldowhateveryouwant,”Isaid.“Anything.”ThelastthingIsawbeforeIgallopedbacktothestablewasthehugegrinonFather’sface.“Iknewyouwould,son.YouareatrueSalvatore.”13
Iwalkedbacktomyroom,unsurewhattothink.Vampiros.Vampires.Thewordsoundedwrong,nomatterwhatlanguageitwasin.Coyotes.Thatwasawordthatmadesense.Afterall,acoyotewasjustlikeawolf,awildanimaldrawntotheconfusingtangleofthedeepVirginiawoods.IfRosalynwaskilledbyacoyote,itwouldbetragic,butunderstandable.ButforRosalyntobekilledbyademon?
Ilaughed,thesoundcomingoutlikeashortbarkasIstrodeintomybedroomandsatwithmyheadinmyhands.Myheadachehadreturnedwithrenewedvigor,andIrememberedEmily’srequestthatInoteatCordelia’scooking.Ontopofeverythingelse,itseemedtheservantswereturningoneachother.
Suddenly,Iheardthreesoftrapsonthedoor.Thesoundwassoslightitmightbethewind,whichhadshownnosignofstoppingsincewegotbackfromthewoods.
“Hello?”Icalledhesitantly.
Therapsstartedagain,moreinsistentlythistime.Ontheothersideoftheroom,thecottoncurtainsblewviolentlyinthewind.
“Alfred?”Icalled,thehairsonthebackofmyneckstandingup.Father’stalehaddefinitelyaffectedme.“Iwon’tbeneedingdinner,”Icalledloudly.
IgrabbedaletteropenerfrommydeskandhelditbehindmybackasIheadedcautiouslytowardthedoor.ButjustasIplacedmyhandonthedoorknob,thedoorbegantoswinginward.
“Thisisn’tfunny!”Icalled,halfhysterical,whenallofasudden,afigureinpaleblueslippedintotheroom.
Katherine.
“Good,becausehumorhasneverbeenoneofmystrongpoints,”Katherinesaid,hersmilerevealingherstraight,whiteteeth.
“I’msorry.”Iblushedandhastilydroppedtheletteropenerontothedesk.“I’mjust…”
“You’restillrecovering.”Katherine’sbrowneyeslockedwithmyown.“I’msorrytostartleyou.”Shesatdownonthecenterofmybed,pullingherkneesuptoherchest.“Yourbrother’sworriedaboutyou.”
“Oh…,”Istammered.Icouldn’tbelievethatKatherinePiercehadcomeintomybedroomandwassittingonmybed,asifitwereperfectlynormal.Nowoman,exceptmymotherandCordelia,hadeverbeeninmysleepingchambers.Iwassuddenlyembarrassedbymymuddybootsinonecorner,thepileofchinadishesinanother,andtheShakespearevolumestillopenonthedesk.
“Doyouwanttoknowasecret?”Katherineasked.
Istoodatthedoor,clutchingthebrassdoorknob.“Maybe?”Iaskedhesitantly
“ComecloserandI’lltellyou.”Shebeckonedmewithherfinger.TownspeoplewerescandalizedifacouplewentwalkingtotheWickeryBridgewithoutachaperone.ButhereKatherinewaswithoutachaperone—orstockings,forthatmatter—perchedonmybed,askingmetojoinherthere.
TherewasnowayIcouldresistthat.
Igingerlysatontheedgeofthebed.Immediatelysheflippedontoherhandsandkneesandcrawledovertome.Pushingherhairoveroneshoulder,shecuppedmyearwithherhand.
“MysecretisthatI’vebeenworriedaboutyou,too,”shewhispered.
Herbreathwasunnaturallycoldagainstmycheek.Mylegmusclestwitched.IknewIshoulddemandthatsheleave,rightaway.ButinsteadIinchedclosertoher
“Really?”Iwhispered.
“Yes,”Katherinemurmured,lookingdeepintomyeyes.“YouneedtoforgetRosalyn.”
IshiveredandglancedawayfromKatherine’sdark-browneyestowardthewindow,watchingafast-movingsummerstormsweepin.
Katherinetookmychininherice-coldhandsandturnedmyeyesbacktohers.“Rosalynisdead,”shecontinued,herfacefullofsorrowandkindness.“Butyouaren’t.Rosalynwouldn’thavewantedyoutoshutyourselfawaylikeacriminal.Noonewouldwantthatfortheirbetrothed,don’tyouagree?”
Inoddedslowly.EventhoughDamonhadtoldmethesamething,thewordsmadeinfinitelymoresensewhencomingfromKatherine’smouth.
Herlipscurvedinasmallsmile.“You’llfindhappinessagain,”shesaid.“Iwanttohelpyou.Butyouhavetoletme,sweetStefan.”Katherinelaidherhandagainstmyforehead.Ifeltasurgeofheatandiceconvergingatmytemple.Iflinchedfromtheforceofit,disappointmentwellinginmychestasKatherine’shanddroppedbackintoherlap.
“ArethosetheflowersIpickedforyou?”Katherineaskedsuddenly,lookingacrosstheroom.“You’veshovedthemintothecornerwithoutanylight!”
“I’msorry,”Isaid.
Sheimperiouslyswungherlegsoffthebedandbenttotakethebasketfromundermydesk.Shedrewtheshades,thenstaredatme,herarmscrossedoverherchest.Mybreathcaughtinmythroat.Herlight-bluecrepedresshighlightedhertinywaist,andhernecklacelayatthehollowofherneck.Shewasundeniablybeautiful.
Shepluckedadaisyfromthebunch,removingthepetalsonebyone.“YesterdayIsawaservantchildplayasillygame—helovesme,helovesmenot.”Shelaughed,butthenhersmileabruptlyturnedsolemn.“Whatdoyouthinktheanswerwouldbe?”
Andsuddenly,shestoodaboveme,herhandsonmyshoulders.Iinhaledherscentofgingerandlemon,unsurewhattosay,knowingonlythatIwantedtofeelherhandsonmyshouldersforever.“Wouldtheanswerbehelovesme…orhelovesmenot?”Katherineasked,leaningtowardme.MybodybeganquiveringwithadesireIdidn’tknowIpossessed.Mylipsweremereinchesawayfromhers.
“What’stheanswer?”Katherineasked,bitingherlipintheimpressionofashymaiden.Ilaugheddespitemyself.IfeltasifIwerewatchingthesceneunfold,powerlesstostopwhatIwasabouttodo.Iknewthiswaswrong.Sinful.Buthowcoulditbesinfulifeveryfiberofmybeingwanteditmorethananything?Rosalynwasdead.Katherinewasalive.AndIwasalive,too,andIneededtostartactinglikeit.
IfwhatFathersaidwastrue,andIwasabouttofightthebattleofmylifebetweengoodandevil,thenIneededtolearntohaveconfidenceinmyselfandmychoices.Ineededtostopthinkingandstartbelievinginmyself,inmyconvictions,inmydesires.
“Doyoureallyneedmetoanswer?”Iasked,reachingforherwaist.IgrabbedherandpulledherontothebedwithastrengthIdidn’tknowIpossessed.Sheshriekedindelightandtumbledontothebednexttome.Herbreathwassweet,andherhandswerecoldandholdingmine,andsuddenly,nothingelse—notRosalyn,notmyfather’sdemons,notevenDamon—mattered.14
Iwokethenextmorningandstretchedmyarmsoutward,dejectedwhenItouchednothingbutgoose-downpillows.Aslightindentationinthemattressnexttomewastheonlyproofthatwhathadhappenedhadbeenreal,andnotoneofthefeverdreamsI’dbeenhavingsinceRosalyn’sdeath.
Ofcourse,Icouldn’texpectKatherinetohavespentthenightwithme.Notwithhermaidwaitingatthecarriagehouse,andnotwiththewaytheservantstalked.She’dtoldmeherselfthatthishadtobeoursecret,thatshecouldn’triskruiningherreputation.Notthatshehadtoworryaboutthat.Iwantedustohaveourownsecretworld,together.
Iwonderedwhenshe’dslippedaway,rememberingthefeelingofherinmyarms,awarmthandlightnessI’dneverfeltbefore.Ifeltwhole,andatpeace,andthethoughtofRosalynwasjustavaguememory,acharacterinanunpleasantstorythatI’dsimplyputoutofmymind.
NowmymindwasconsumedwiththoughtsofKatherine:howshepulledthecurtainsclosedasthesummerstormpeltedhailonthewindows,howshe’dallowedmyhandstoexploreherexquisitebody.Atonepoint,Iwascaressingherneckwhenmyhandsfellontheclaspoftheornatebluecameonecklaceshealwayswore.IbegantounclaspitwhenKatherinehadroughlypushedmeaway.
“Don’t!”she’dsaidsharply,herhandsflyingtotheclasp,makingsurenothinghadbeendisturbed.Butthen,onceshepattedthecharmintoplaceonthehollowofherneck,she’dresumedkissingme.
IblushedasIrememberedalltheotherplacesshedidallowmetotouch.
Iswungmylegsoutofbed,walkedtowardthehandbasin,andsplashedwateronmyface.Ilookedinthemirrorandsmiled.Thedarkcirclesweregonefrommyeyes,anditnolongerfeltlikeanefforttowalkfromonesideoftheroomtotheother.Ichangedintomywaistcoatanddark-bluebreechesandleftthechambershumming.
“Sir?”Alfredaskedonthestairs.Hewasholdingasilver-domedplatter—mybreakfast.Mylipcurledindisgust.HowcouldIhavelaininbedforanentireweekwhentherewasawholeworldtodiscoverwithKatherine?
“I’mquitewell,thankyou,Alfred,”IsaidasItookthestairstwoatatime.Thestormfromlastnighthaddisappearedasquicklyasitcame.Inthesunroom,theearly-morninglightwassparklingthroughthefloor-to-ceilingwindows,andthetablewasdecoratedwithfreshlycutdaisies.Damonwasalreadythere,drinkingamugofcoffeewhileflippingthroughthemorningpaperfromRichmond.
“Hello,brother!”Damonsaid,holdinguphiscoffeemugasifheweretoastingme.“My,youlookwell.Didourafternoonridedoyousomegood,afterall?”
Inoddedandsatoppositehim,glancingattheheadlinesonthepaper.TheUnionhadtakenFortMorgan.Iwonderedwhereexactlythatwas.
“Idon’tknowwhyweevengetthepaper.It’snotlikeFathercaresaboutanythingexceptthestorieshemakesupinhishead,”Damonsaiddisgustedly.
“Ifyouhateitheresomuch,whydon’tyoujustleave?”Iasked,suddenlyannoyedwithDamon’sconstantgrumbling.Maybeitwouldbebetterifheweregone,sothatFatherwouldn’tbesofrustrated.Anodiousvoiceinthebackofmymindsilentlyadded,AndsoIdon’thavetothinkaboutyouandKatherine,swingingontheporchswingtogether.
Damonraisedaneyebrow.“Well,I’dberemissifIdidn’tsaythingswereinterestinghere.”Hislipscurvedinaprivatesortofsmilethatmademesuddenlywanttograbhisshouldersandshakehim.
Theforceofmyemotionssurprisedme,somuchsothatIhadtositdownandshoveintomymouthamuffinfromtheoverflowingbasketonthetable.I’dneverfeltjealousofmybrotherbefore,butsuddenlyIwasdyingtoknow:HadKatherineeversnuckuptohisbedroom?Shecouldn’thave.Lastnight,she’dseemedsonervousaboutgettingcaught,havingmepromiseoverandoveragainthatI’dneverbreatheawordtoanybodyaboutwhatwe’ddone
Betsy,thecook,camein,herarmsladenwithplatesofgrits,bacon,andeggs.Mystomachrumbled,andIrealizedIwasstarving.Iquicklytuckedin,revelinginthesaltinessoftheeggscombinedwiththesweetbitternessofmycoffee.ItwasasifI’dnevertastedbreakfastbeforeandmysenseswerefinallyawakened.Isighedincontentment,andDamonlookedupinamusement.
“Iknewallyouneededwassomefreshairandgoodfood,”Damonsaid.
AndKatherine,Ithought.
“Nowlet’sgooutsideandcausesometrouble.”Damonsmiledwickedly.“Father’sinhisstudy,doinghisdemonstudies.DoyouknowheevenhasRobertinonit?”Damonshookhisheadindisgust.
Isighed.WhileIdidn’tnecessarilybelieveallthediscussionaboutdemons,IdidrespectFatherenoughtonotmakefunofhisthoughts.ItmademefeelvaguelydisloyaltohearDamon’sdismissalofhim.
“I’msorry,brother.”Damonshookhisheadandscrapedhischairbackagainsttheslatefloor.“Iknowyoudon’tlikeitwhenFatherandIfight.”Hewalkedovertome,pullingoutmychairfromunderme,almostcausingmetofall.Iscrambledtomyfeetandgood-naturedlyshovedhimback.
“That’sbetter!”Damoncalledwithglee.“Now,let’sgo!”Heranoutthebackdoor,lettingthedoorslamshut.Cordeliausedtoscreamatusforthatoffenseaschildren,andIlaughedwhenIheardherfamiliargroanfromthekitchen.Irantowardthecenterofthelawn,whereDamonhadunearthedtheoblongballwe’dbeentossingtwoweeksbefore.
“Here,brother!Catch!”Damonpanted,andIturnedandleaptintotheair,justintimetocatchthepigskininmyarms.Ipulledittightlytomychestandbeganrunningtowardthestable,thewindwhippingmyface.
“Youboys!”avoicecalled,stoppingmeinmytracks.Katherinewasstandingontheporchofthecarriagehouse,wearingasimple,cream-coloredmuslindressandlookingsoinnocentandsweetthatIcouldn’tbelievethatwhathappenedlastnightwasn’tadream.“Burningoffexcessenergy?”
Isheepishlyturnedaroundandwalkedtowardtheporch.
“Playingcatch!”Iexplained,hastilythrowingtheballtoDamon.
Katherinereachedbehindher,braidinghercurlsdownthebackofherneck.Ihadasuddenfearthatshethoughtweweretiresomewithourchildishgameandthatshe’dcomeoutheretoscoldusforwakinghersoearly.Butshesimplysmiledasshesettledontheporchswing.
“Areyoureadytoplay?”Damoncalledfromhispositiononthelawn.Heheldtheballfarbackbehindhisheadasifhewereabouttothrowittowardher.
“Absolutelynot.”Katherinewrinkledhernose.“Oncewasenough.Besides,Ifeelpeoplewhoneedpropsfortheirgamesandsportsarelackinginimagination.”
“Stefanhasimagination.”Damonsmirked.“Youshouldhearhimreadpoetry.He’slikeatroubadour.”Hedroppedtheballandrantowardtheporch.
“Damonhasimagination.too.Youshouldseetheimaginativewayheplayscards,”IteasedasIreachedthestepsoftheporch.
KatherinenoddedatmeasIbowedtoherbutdidn’tmakeanyotherefforttogreetme.Isteppedback,momentarilystung.Whyhadn’tsheatleastgivenmeherhandtokiss?Hadn’tlastnightmeantanythingtoher?
“Iamimaginative,especiallywhenIhaveamuse.”DamonwinkedatKatherine,thensteppedinfrontofmetograbherhand.Hebroughtittohislips,andmystomachchurned.
“Thankyou,”Katherinesaid,standingupandwalkingdowntheporchsteps,hersimpleskirtsswishingdownthestairs.Withherhairpulledbackfromhereyes,sheremindedmeofanangel.Shegavemeasecretsmile,andfinallyIrelaxed.
“It’sbeautifulhere,”Katherinesaid,spreadingherarmsasifblessingtheentireestate.“Willyoushowmearound?”sheasked,turningandglancingfirstatDamon,thenatme,thenbackatDamonagain.“I’velivedhereformorethantwoweeks,andI’vebarelyseenanythingbesidesmybedchambersandthegardens.Iwanttoseesomethingnew.Somethingsecret!”
“Wehaveamaze,”Isaidstupidly.Damonelbowedmeintheribs.Notlikehehadanythingbettertosay.
“Iknow,”Katherinesaid.“Damonshowedme.”
MystomachfellatthereminderofhowmuchtimethetwoofthemhadspenttogetherintheweekIwasinmysickbed.Andifhe’dshownherthemaze…
ButIpushedthethoughtoutofmyheadasbestIcould.Damonhadalwaystoldmeaboutallthewomenhe’dkissed,eversincewewerethirteenandheandAmeliaHawkehadkissedontheWickeryBridge.IfhehadkissedKatherine,Iwouldhaveheardaboutit.
“I’dlovetoseeitagain,”Katherinesaid,clappingherhandstogetherasifI’djusttoldherthemostinterestingnewsintheworld.“Willyoubothescortme?”sheaskedhopefully,glancingatus.
“Ofcourse,”wesaidatthesametime.
“Oh,wonderful!ImusttellEmily.”Katherinedashedinside,leavingusstandingonoppositeendsofthestairs.
“She’squiteawoman,isn’tshe?”Damonasked.
“Sheis,”Isaidshortly.BeforeIcouldsayanythingelse,Katherinecameboundingdownthestairs,holdingasunumbrellainonehand.
“I’mreadyforouradventure!”shecried,handingmeherparasol,anexpectantlookonherface.Ihookeditoverthecrookofmyarm,whileKatherinelinkedarmswithDamon.Iwalkedafewfeetbehind,watchingtheeasywaytheirhipsbumpedeachother,asifsheweresimplyhisyounger,teasingsister.Irelaxed.Thatwasit.DamonwasalwaysprotectiveandwassimplybeingabigbrothertoKatherine.Andsheneededthat.
IwhistledundermybreathasIfollowedthem.Wehadasmalllabyrinthinthefrontgarden,butthemazeonthefarcornerofthepropertywasexpansive,builtfromaboggymarshbymyfather,whohadbeendeterminedtoimpressourmother.She’dlovedtogardenandhadalwaysbemoanedthefactthattheflowersthatbloomedinhernativeFrancesimplycouldn’twithstandthehardVirginiasoil.TheareaalwayssmelledofrosesandclematisandwasalwaysthefirstplacecoupleswouldretreattowhentheywantedtobealoneataVeritasparty.Theservantshadsuperstitionsaboutthemaze:thatachildconceivedinthemazewouldbeblessedforlife,thatifyoukissedyourtrueloveinthecenterofthemaze,you’dbebondedforlife,butthatifyoutoldaliewhilewithinitswalls,you’dbecursedforever.Todayitfeltalmostmagical:Thearborsandvinesprovidedshadefromthesun,makingitseemthatthethreeofuswereinanenchantedworldtogether—awayfromdeathandwar.
“It’sevenmorebeautifulthanIremembered!”Katherineexplained.“It’slikeastorybook.LiketheLuxembourgGardensorthePalaceofVersailles!”Shepluckedacallalilyandinhaleddeeply.
Ipausedandglancedather.“You’vebeentoEurope,then?”Iasked,feelingasprovincialasanyofthecountrybumpkinswholivedintheshantytownontheothersideofMysticFalls,theoneswhopronouncedthewordcreeklikecrickandwhoalreadyhadfourorfivechildrenbythetimetheywereourage.
“I’vebeeneverywhere,”Katherinesaidsimply.Shetuckedthelilybehindherear.“So,tellme,boys,howdidyouamuseyourselveswhenyoudidn’thaveamysteriousstrangertoimpresswithatourofyourgrounds?”
“WeentertainprettyyoungthingswithrealSouthernhospitality.”Damonsmirked,fallingintohisoverdoneaccentthatalwaysmademelaugh.
Katherinerewardedhimwithagiggle,andIsmiled.NowthatIsawDamonandKatherine’sflirtatiousfriendshipasbeingasinnocentastherelationshipofcousins,Icouldenjoytheirbanter.
“Damon’sright.OurFoundersBallisjustafewweeksaway,”Isaid,myspiritsliftingasIrealizedthatIwasfreetogototheballwithwhoeverIpleased.Icouldn’twaittotwirlKatherineinmyarms.
“Andyou’llbetheprettiestgirl.EventhegirlsfromRichmondandCharlottesvillewillbejealous!”Damonpronounced.
“Really?Why,IthinkIshouldlikethat.Isthatwickedofme?”Katherineasked,glancingfromDamontome.
“No,”Isaid.
“Yes,”Damonsaidatthesametime.“AndI,forone,thinkmoregirlsshouldadmittheirwickednatures.Afterall,weallknowthefairersexhasadarkside.RememberwhenClementinecutoffAmelia’shair?”Damonturnedtowardme.
“Yes,”Ichuckled,happytoplaytheroleofstorytellerforKatherine’samusement.“ClementinethoughtAmeliawasbeingtooforwardwithMatthewHartnett,andsinceClemfanciedhim,shedecidedshe’dtakeitinherownhandstomakeAmelialessattractive.”
Katherineputherhandoverhermouthinagestureofexaggeratedconcern.“IdohopepoorAmelia’srecovered.”
“She’sengagedtosomesoldier.Don’tworryabouther,”Damonsaid.“Infact,youshouldn’tworryaboutanything.You’refartoopretty.”
“Well,Iamworriedaboutonething.”Katherinewidenedhereyes.“Whoshallescortmetotheball?”Sheswungherparasolbackandforthonherarmasshegazedattheground,asifthinkingthroughadeepdecision.Myheartquickenedasshelookedupatbothofus.“Iknow!Let’shavearace.Winnermaygettotakeme!”Shethrewherparasolonthegroundandranofftothecenterofthemaze.
“Brother?”Damonasked,raisinganeyebrowatme.
“Ready?”Ismiled,asifthiswerejustacasualchildren’sfootrace.Ididn’twantDamontoknowhowfastmyheartwasbeating,andhowverymuchIwantedtocatchKatherine.
“Go!”Damonyelled.ImmediatelyIbeganrunning.Myhandsandlegsflailed,andIpropelledmyselfintothemaze.Whenwewereinschool,Iwasthefastestboyintheclass,lightningquickwhentheschoolbellrang.
ThenIheardpealsoflaughter.Iglancedback.Damonwasdoubledupoverhimself,slappinghisknee.Igulpedair,tryingnottoseemwinded.“Scaredtocompete?”Isaid,runningbackandsluggingDamonontheshoulder.I’dmeantittobeaplayfulpunch,butitlandedwithaheavythud.
“Oh,nowwe’reon,brother!”Damonsaid,hisvoicelightandfulloflaughter.Hegrabbedmyshouldersandwrestledmeeasilytotheground.Istruggledtomyfeetandtackledhim,throwinghimontohisbackandpinningdownhiswrists.
“Thinkyoucanstilllickyourlittlebrother?”Iteased,enjoyingmymomentaryvictory.
“Noonecameforme!”Katherinepouted,wanderingoutofthemaze.Herfrownquicklyturnedintoasmileasshesawusontheground,breathingheavily.“GoodthingI’mheretosaveyouboth.”ShekneltandpressedherlipsfirsttoDamon’scheek,thentomine.IreleasedDamon’swristsandstoodup,wipingthedirtoffmybreeches.
“See?”sheasked,assheofferedanarmtoDamon.“Allyouneedisakisstomakeeverythingbetter—althoughyouboysshouldn’tbesuchbruteswitheachother.”
“Wewerefightingforyou,”Damonsaidlazily,notbotheringtostandup.Justthen,thesoundofhorses’hoovesinterruptedus.Alfreddismountedhishorseandbowedtothethreeofus.Itmusthavebeenasight:Damonlyingontheground,restinghisheadonhishandasifheweresimplyreclining,mefranticallybrushinggrassstainsoffmytrousers,andKatherinestandingbetweenus,lookingamused.
“I’msorrytointerrupt,”Alfredsaid.“ButMasterGiuseppeneedstospeaktoMasterDamon.It’surgent.”
“Ofcourseitis.EverythingisalwaysurgentforFather.Whatdoyoubethehasanotherridiculoustheoryheneedstodiscuss?”Damonsaid.
Katherineliftedherparasolfromtheground.“Ishouldgetgoing,too.I’malldisheveled,andI’mduetovisitwithPearlattheapothecary.”
“Come,”Alfredsaid,gesturingforDamontojumpontothebackofhishorse.AsAlfredandDamonrodeaway,KatherineandIslowlywalkedbacktothecarriagehouse.IwantedtobringuptheFoundersBallagainbutfoundmyselfafraidtodoso.
“Youdon’tneedtokeeppacewithme.Perhapsyoushouldkeepyourbrothercompany,”Katherinesuggested.“Itseemsthatyourfatherisamanwho’sbesttakenonbytwo,”sheobserved.Herhandbrushedmyownandshegrabbedmywrist.Thenshesteppedonhertiptoesandallowedherlipstograzemycheek.“Comeseemetonight,sweetStefan.Mychamberswillbeopen.”Andwiththat,shebrokeoffintoaspiritedrun.
Shewaslikeacolt,gallopingfree,andIfeltmyheartgallopalongwithher.Therewasnoquestion:ShefeltthesamewayIdid.AndknowingthatmademefeelmorealivethanIeverhadinmylife.15
Assoonastwilightfell,Isneakeddownthestairs,openedthebackdoor,andtiptoedoutontothegrass,alreadywetwithdew.Iwasextracautious,sincethereweretorchessurroundingtheestateandIknewFatherwouldbedispleasedthatIwasventuringoutafterdark.Butthecarriagehousewasonlyastone’sthrowfromthehouseitself—abouttwentypacesfromtheporch.
Istoleacrosstheyard,stayingintheshadows,feelingmyheartpoundagainstmyribcage.Iwasn’tconcernedaboutanimalattacksorcreaturesofthenight.IwasmoreconcernedthatI’dbefoundbyAlfredor,worse,Father.ButthenotionofnotbeingabletoseeKatherinethatnightmademefeelhysterical.
Onceagain,aheavyfogblanketedthegroundandrosetothesky,anoddreversalofnaturethatmostlikelywasduetothechangingoftheseasons.IshiveredandmadesuretolookawayfromthewillowtreeasIrantothebridlepathanduptheporchstepsofthecarriagehouse.
Ipausedatthewhitewasheddoor.Thecurtainsonthewindowpaneswerepulledshut,andIcouldn’tseeanycandlelightseepingunderthewindows.Forasecond,IfearedIhadcometoolate.WhatifKatherineandEmilyhadretiredtobed?Still,Irappedmyknucklessharplyagainstthewoodendoorframe.
Thedoorcreakedopenandahandgrabbedmywrist.
“Comein!”IheardaroughwhisperasIwassweptintothehouse.Behindme,IheardtheclickofthelockandrealizedIwasstandingface-to-facewithEmily
“Sir,”Emilysaid,smilingasshecurtseyed.Shewasdressedinasimplenavygown,andherhairfellindarkwavesaroundhershoulders.
“Goodevening,”Isaid,bowinggently.Iglancedaroundthelittlehouse,allowingmyeyestoadjusttothedimlight.Aredlanternglowedontherough-hewntableinthelivingroom,castingshadowsagainstthewoodenbeamsoftheceiling.Thecarriagehousehadbeeninastateofdisrepairforyears,eversinceMotherhaddiedandherrelativeshadstoppedvisiting.Butnowthatitwasinhabited,therewasawarmthtotheroomsthatwasabsentinthemainhouse.
“WhatcanIdoforyou,sir?”Emilyasked,herdarkeyesunblinking.
“Um…I’mheretoseeKatherine,”Istammered,suddenlyembarrassed.WhatwouldEmilythinkofhermistress?Ofcourse,maidsaremeanttobediscreet,butIknewhowservantstalked,andIcertainlydidn’twantKatherine’svirtuetobecompromisedifEmilywasthetypetoengageinidleservantgossip.
“Katherinehasbeenexpectingyou,”Emilysaid,aglintofmischiefinherdarkeyes.
Shetookthelanternfromthetableandledmeupthewoodenstairs,stoppingatthewhitedoorattheendofthehallway.Isquinted.WhenDamonandIwerelittle,we’dalwaysbeenvaguelyafraidoftheupstairsofthecarriagehouse.Maybeitwasbecausetheservantshadsaiditwashaunted,maybebecauseeveryfloorboardhadcreaked,butsomethingaboutthespacehadstoppedusfromstayingverylong.NowthatKatherinewashere,though,therewasnowhereelseI’dratherbe.
Emilyturnedtowardme,herknucklesonthedoor.Sherappedthreetimes.Thensheswungthedooropen.
Iwalkedcautiouslyintotheroom,thefloorboardscreakingasEmilydisappeareddownthehallway.Theroomitselfwasfurnishedsimply:acast-ironbedcoveredbyasimplegreenquilt,anarmoireinonecorner,awashbasininanother,andagilt-plated,freestandingmirrorinathirdcorner.
Katherinesatonherbed,facingthewindow,herbacktome.Herlegsweretuckedunderhershortwhitenightgownandherlongcurlswerelooseoverhershoulders.
Istoodthere,watchingKatherine,thenfinallycoughed.
Sheturnedaround,anexpressionofamusementinherdark,cat-likeeyes.
“I’mhere,”Isaid,shiftingfromonebootedfoottotheother.
“SoIsee.”Katherinegrinned.“Iwatchedyouwalkhere.Wereyoufrightenedtobeoutafterdark?”
“No!”Isaiddefensively,embarrassedshe’dseenmedartfromtreetotreelikeanovercautioussquirrel.
Katherinearchedadarkeyebrowandheldherarmsouttowardme.“Youneedtostopworrying.Comehere.I’llhelpyoutakeyourmindoffthings,”shesaid,raisinghereyebrow.Iwalkedtowardherasifinadream,kneltonthebed,andhuggedhertightly.AssoonasIfeltherbodyinmyhands,Irelaxed.Justfeelingherwasareminderthatshewasreal,thattonightwasreal,thatnothingelsemattered—notFather,notRosalyn,notthespiritsthetownspeoplewereconvincedroamedoutsideinthedark.
Allthatmatteredwasthatmyarmswerearoundmylove.Herhandworkeditswaydownmyshoulders,andIimagineduswalkingintotheFoundersBalltogether.AsherhandstoppedatmyshoulderbladeandIfeltherfingernailsdigthroughthethincottonofmyshirt,Ihadasplit-secondimageofus,tenyearsfromnow,withplentyofchildrenwho’dfilltheestatewithsoundsoflaughter.Iwantedthislifetobemine,nowandforever.Imoanedwithdesireandleanedin,allowingmylipstobrushhers,firstslowly,aswe’ddoinfrontofeveryonewhenweannouncedourloveatourwedding,andthenharderandmoreurgently,allowingmylipstotravelfromhermouthtoherneck,inchingtowardhersnow-whitebosom.
Shegrabbedmychinandpulledmyfacetohersandkissedmehard.Ireciprocated.ItwasasifIwereastarvingmanwho’dfinallyfoundsustenanceinhermouth.Wekissed,andIclosedmyeyesandforgotaboutthefuture.
Allofasudden,Ifeltasharppainonmyneck,asifIwerebeingstabbed.Icalledout,butKatherinewasstillkissingme.Butno,notkissing,biting,suckingthebloodfrombeneathmyskin.Myeyesflewopen,andIsawKatherine’seyes,wildandbloodshot,herfaceghostlywhiteinthemoonlight.Iwrenchedmyheadback,butthepainwasunrelenting,andIcouldn’tscream,couldn’tfight,couldonlyseethefullmoonoutthewindow,andcouldonlyfeelthebloodleavingmybody,anddesireandheatandangerandterrorallwellingupinsideme.Ifthiswaswhatdeathfeltlike,thenIwantedit.Iwantedit,andthatwaswhenIflungmyarmsaroundKatherine,givingmyselftoher.Theneverythingfadedtoblack.16
Itwasthelonehootofanowl—along,plaintivesound—thatcausedmyeyestosnapopen.Asmyeyesadjustedtothedimlight,Ifeltapulsingpainonthesideofmyneckthatseemedtokeeptimewiththeowl’scries.AndsuddenlyIrememberedeverything—Katherine,herlipsdrawnback,herteethsparkling.MyheartpoundingasthoughIweredyingandbeingbornallatthesametime.Theawfulpain,theredeyes,thedarkblackofadeadsleep.Iglancedaroundwildly.
Katherine,cladonlyinanecklaceandasimplemuslinslip,satjuststepsawayfrommeatthebasin,washingherupperarmswithahandtowel.“Hello,sleepyStefan,”shesaidcoquettishly.
Iswungmylegsoutofbedandtriedtostepout,onlytofindmyselftangledinthesheets.“Yourface,”Ibabbled,knowingIsoundedinsaneandpossessed,likeatowndrunkstumblingoutofthetavern.
Katherinecontinuedtorunthecottonclothalongherarms.ThefaceI’dseenlastnightwasnothuman.IthadbeenafacefilledwiththirstanddesireandemotionsIcouldn’teventhinktoname.ButinthislightKatherinelookedlovelierthanever,blinkinghereyessleepilylikeakittenafteralongnap.
“Katherine?”Iasked,forcingmyselftolookintohereyes.“Whatareyou?”
Katherineslowlypickedupthehairbrushonhernightstand,asifshehadallthetimeintheworld.Sheturnedtomeandbegantorunitthroughherluxuriouslocks.
“You’renotafraid,areyou?”sheasked.
Soshewasavampire.Mybloodturnedtoice.
Itookthesheetandwrappeditagainstmybody,thengrabbedmybreechesfromthesideofthebedandpulledthemon.Iquicklyshovedmyfeetintomybootsandyankedonmyshirt,notcaringaboutmyundershirt,stillonthefloor.Fastaslightning,Katherinewasatmyside,herhandgrippingmyshoulder.
Shewassurprisinglystrong,andIhadtojerksharplytowrenchmyselfawayfromhergrasp.Oncefree,Katherinesteppedback.
“Shhh.Shhh,”shemurmured,asifshewereamothersoothingachild.
“No!”Iyelled,holdingmyhandup.Iwouldnothavehertrytocharmme.“You’reavampire.YoukilledRosalyn.You’rekillingthetown.Youareevil,andyouneedtobestopped.”
ButthenIcaughtsightofhereyes,herlarge,luminous,seeminglydepthlesseyes,andIstoppedshort.
“You’renotafraid,”Katherinerepeated.
Thewordsechoedinmymind,bouncingaroundandfinallytakingresidencethere.Ididnotknowhoworwhyitwasso,butinmyheartofhearts,Isuddenlywasn’tafraid.Butstill…
“Youareavampire,though.HowcanIabidethat?”
“Stefan.Sweet,scaredStefan.Itwillallworkout.You’llsee.”Shecuppedherchininmyhands,thenraiseduponhertiptoesforakiss.Inthenearsunlight,Katherine’steethlookedpearlywhiteandtiny,andnothingliketheminiaturedaggersI’dseenthenightbefore.“It’sme.I’mstillKatherine,”shesaid,smiling.
Iforcedmyselftopullaway.Iwantedtobelievethateverythingwasthesame,but…
“You’rethinkingofRosalyn,aren’tyou?”Katherineasked.Shenoticedmystartledexpressionandshookherhead.“It’snaturalthatyou’dthinkIcoulddothat,basedonwhatIam,butIpromiseyou,Ididnotkillher.AndIneverwouldhave.”
“But…but…,”Ibegan.
Katherinebroughtherfingertomylips.“Shhh.Iwaswithyouthatnight.Remember?Icareaboutyou,andIcareaboutthoseyoucareabout.AndIdon’tknowhowRosalyndied,butwhoeverdidthat”—aflashofangerflickeredinhereyes,which,Irealizedforthefirsttime,werefleckedwithgold—“theygiveusabadname.Theyaretheoneswhoscareme.Youmaybescaredtowalkduringthenight,butIamafraidtowalkduringtheday,lestIbemistakenforoneofthosemonsters.Imaybeavampire,butIdohaveaheart.Pleasebelieveme,sweetStefan.”
Itookastepbackandcradledmyheadinmyhands.Mymindwhirled.Thesunwasjustbeginningtorise,anditwasimpossibletotellwhetherthemisthidabrilliantsunoradayofclouds.ItwasthesamewithKatherine.Herbeautifulexteriorcloakedhertruespirit,makingitimpossibletoascertainwhethershewasgoodorevil.Isunkheavilytothebed,notwantingtoleaveandnotwantingtostay.
“Youneedtotrustme,”Katherinesaid,sittingdownbesidemeandplacingherhandonmychestsoshecouldfeelmyheartbeat.“IamKatherinePierce.Nothingmore,nothingless.I’mthegirlyouwatchedforhoursonendafterIarrivedtwoweeksago.WhatIconfessedtoyouisnothing.Itdoesn’tchangehowyoufeel,howIfeel,whatwecanbe,”shesaid,movingherhandfrommychesttomychin.“Right?”sheasked,hervoicefilledwithurgency.
IglancedatKatherine’swidebrowneyesandknewshewasright.Shehadtobe.
Myheartstilldesiredhersomuch,andIwantedtodoanythingtoprotecther.Becauseshewasn’tavampire;shewasKatherine.Igrabbedbothofherhands,cuppingtheminmyown.Theylookedsosmallandvulnerable.Ibroughthercold,delicatefingerstomymouthandkissedthem,onebyone.Katherinelookedsoscaredandunsure.
“Youdidn’tkillRosalyn?”Isaidslowly.Evenasthesentenceleftmylips,Iknewittobetrue,becausemyheartwouldbreakifitweren’t.
Katherineshookherheadandgazedatthewindow.“IwouldneverkillanyoneunlessIhadto.UnlessIneededtoprotectmyselforsomeoneIloved.Andanyonewouldkillinthatsituation,wouldn’tthey?”sheaskedindignantly,juttingoutherchinandlookingsoproudandvulnerablethatitwasallIcoulddonottotakeherinmyarmsrightthen.“Promiseyou’llkeepmysecret,Stefan?Promiseme?”sheasked,herdarkeyessearchingmine.
“OfcourseIwill,”Isaid,makingthepromiseasmuchtomyselfastoher.IlovedKatherine.Andyes,shewasavampire.Andyet…thewaythewordcameoutofhermouthwassodifferentfromthewayitsoundedwhenFathersaidit.Therewasnodread.Ifanything,itsoundedromanticandmysterious.MaybeFatherwaswrong.MaybeKatherinewassimplymisunderstood.
“Youhavemysecret,Stefan.Andyouknowwhatthatmeans?”Katherinesaid,throwingherarmsaroundmyshouldersandnuzzlinghercheekagainstmine.“Vousavezmoncoeur.Youhavemyheart.”
“Andyouhavemine,”Imurmuredback,meaningeveryword.17
September8,1864
Sheisnotwhosheseems.ShouldIbesurprised?Terrified?Hurt?It’sasifeverythingIknow,everythingI’vebeentaught,everythingI’vebelievedinmypastseventeenyearsiswrong.
Icanstillfeelwhereshekissedme,whereherfingersgraspedmyhands.Istillyearnforher,andyetthevoiceofreasonisscreaminginmyears:Youcannotloveavampire!
IfIhadoneofherdaisies,Icouldplucktheleavesandlettheflowerchooseforme.Iloveher…Ilovehernot…I…Iloveher.
Ido.Nomattertheconsequences.
Isthiswhatfollowingyourheartis?Iwishtherewasamaporacompasstohelpmefindmyway.Butshehasmyheart,andthataboveallelseismyNorthStar…andthatwillhavetobeenough.
AfterIslippedawayfromthecarriagehousebacktomyownchambers,Isomehowmanagedtosleepforafewhours.WhenIawoke,Iwonderedifeverythingwasalladream.ButthenIshiftedmyheadonthepillowandsawaneatpuddleofdried,crimsonbloodandtouchedmyfingerstomythroat.Ifeltawoundthere,andthoughitdidn’thurt,itbroughtbacktheveryrealincidentsofthepreviousevening.
Ifeltexhaustedandconfusedandexaltedallatonce.Mylimbswereenervated,mybrainabuzz.ItwasasifIhadafever,butinsideIfeltasortofcalmI’dneverfeltbefore.
Idressedfortheday,takingextracaretowashthewoundwithadampclothandbandageit,thenbuttonedmylinenshirtashighasitwouldgo.Iglancedatmyreflectioninthemirror.Itriedtoseeiftherewasanythingdifferent,iftherewassomeglintinmyeyethatacknowledgedmynewfoundworldliness.Butmyfacelookedjustasithadyesterday.
Icreptdownthebackstairstowardthestudy.Father’sschedulewaslikeclockwork,andhealwaysspentthemorningssurveyingandvisitingthefieldswithRobert.
OnceIclosedmyselfinthecool,darkroom,Iranmyfingersalongtheleather-boundspinesoneachshelf,feelingcomfortedbytheirsmoothness.Ijusthopedthatsomewhere,inthestacksandshelvesofbooksoneverysubject,therewouldbeavolumethatwouldanswersomeofmyquestions.IrememberedKatherinereadingTheMysteriesofMysticFallsandnoticedthevolumewasnolongerinthestudy,oratleastnotinplainview
Iwalkedaimlesslyfromshelftoshelf,forthefirsttimefeelingoverwhelmedbythenumberofbooksinFather’sstudy.WherecouldIpossiblyfindinformationonvampires?Fatherhadvolumesofplays,fiction,atlases,andtwofullshelvesofBibles,someinEnglish,someinItalian,andsomeinLatin.Itracedmyhandsagainstthegilt-lettered,leatherspinesofeachbook,hopingthatsomehowI’dfindsomething.
Finally,myfingertipslandedonathin,tatteredvolumewithDemonioswritteninflakingsilveronthespine.Demonio…demon…ThiswaswhatIwaslookingfor.Iopenedthebook,butitwaswritteninanancientItaliandialectthatIcouldn’tmakeheadsnortailsof,despitemyextensivetutoringinLatinandItalian.
Still,Icarriedthebookwithmetotheclubchairandsettledin.TryingtodecipherthebookwasanactionIcouldunderstand,somethingeasierthantryingtoeatbreakfastwhilepretendingeverythingwasnormal.Iranmyfingersalongthewords,readingoutloudasifIwereaschoolboy,makingsureIdidn’tmissamentionofthewordvampiro.Finally,Ifoundit,butthesentencessurroundingitwerenothingbutgibberishtome.Isighedinfrustration.
Justthen,thedoortothestudycreakedopen.
“Who’sthere?”Icalledloudly.
“Stefan!”Myfather’sruddyfaceregisteredsurprise.“Iwaslookingforyou.”
“Oh?”Iasked,myhandflyingtomyneck,asifFathercouldseethebandagebeneaththefabric.ButallIfeltwasthesmoothlinenofmyshirt.Mysecretwassafe.
Fatherlookedatmestrangely.Hewalkedtowardme,takingthebookoffmylap.“YouandIthinkalike,”hesaid,astrangesmilecurvingontohisface.
“Wedo?”Myheartflutteredinmychestlikeahummingbird’swings,andIwassureFathercouldhearmybreathcatchinginshort,shallowgaspsinmythroat.Ifeltsurehecouldreadmythoughts,sureheknewaboutKatherineandme.AndifheknewaboutKatherine,he’dkillherand…
Icouldn’tbeartothinkoftherest.
Fathersmiledagain.“Wedo.Iknowyoutookourconversationaboutvampirestoheart,andIappreciateyoutakingthisscourgeseriously.Ofcourse,IknowyouhaveyourownmotivationsinavengingthedeathofyouryoungRosalyn,”Fathersaid,makingthesignofthecrossoverhischest.
IstaredatathinspotontheOrientalrug,wherethefabricwassofaded,Icouldseethestainedwoodenfloorbelow.Icouldn’tlookupatFatherandletmyfacebetraymysecret,betrayKatherine’ssecret.
“Beassured,son,thatRosalyndidnotdieinvain.ShediedforMysticFalls,andshewillberememberedasweridourtownofthiscurse.Andyou,ofcourse,willbeanintegralpartoftheplan.”FathergesturedtowardthebookIstillheld.“Unlikeyourgood-for-nothingbrother.Whatgoodisallhisnewmilitaryknowledgeifhecan’tputittousetodefendhisfamily,hisland?”Fatheraskedrhetorically.“Justtodayhewentoffonaridewithsomeofhissoldierfriends.EvenafterItoldhimIexpectedhimherethismorningtoaccompanyustoourmeetingatJonathan’shouse.”
ButIwasn’tpayingattentionanymore.AllIcaredaboutwasthathedidn’tknowaboutKatherine.Mybreathingslowed.“Therewasn’tverymuchinformationthatIcouldunderstandinthisbook.Idon’tthinkit’sveryuseful,”Isaid,asifallI’dbeendoingthismorningwasindulginginascholarlyinterestinvampires.
“That’sjustaswell,”Fathersaiddismissively,ashecarelesslyplacedthebookbackontheshelf.“Ifeelthattogetherwehaveagoodstoreofknowledge.”
“Together?”Iparroted.
Fatherwavedhishandimpatiently.“YouandIandtheFounders.We’vesetupacounciltodealwiththis.We’reheadingtoameetingrightnow.You’recoming.”
“Iam?”Iasked.
Fatherglancedatmeinannoyance.IknewIsoundedlikeasimpleton,buttherewassimplytoomuchinformationswimminginmymindtoevenbegintounderstanditall.
“Yes.AndI’mtakingCordeliaaswell.Shehasagoodknowledgeofherbsanddemons.ThemeetingisatJonathanGilbert’shouse.”Fathernodded,asifthesubjectwasclosed.
Inoddedaswell,eventhoughIwassurprised.JonathanGilbertwasauniversityteacherandsometimesinventorwhoFathernotsoprivatelycalledacrackpot.ButnowFathersaidhisnamewithreverence.Forthethousandthtimethatday,Irealizedthistrulywasadifferentworld.
“Alfredishitchingupthecarriage,butIwilldriveit.Donottellanyonewherewe’regoing.I’vealreadyswornCordeliatosecrecy,”Fathersaidashestrodeoutoftheroom.Afterasecond,Ifollowedhim,butnotbeforeIslippedDemoniosintomybackpocket.
IsatnexttoFatherinthefrontseatofthecarriage,whileCordeliasatintheback,hiddenfromsightlestshearousesuspicion.Itwasstrangetobeoutinthemorning,especiallywithoutafootmantodriveus,andIcaughtthecuriousstaresofMr.VickeryaswepassedbytheBlueRidgeEstatenextdoor.Iwaved,untilIfeltFather’shandonmyarm,asubtlewarningnottoattractattentiontoourselves.
Fatherbegantalkingonceweenteredthebarrenstretchofdirtroadthatseparatedtheplantationroadfromtown.“Idon’tunderstandyourbrother.Doyou?Whatmandoesn’trespecthisfather?IfIdidn’tknowbetter,I’dthinkhewasconsortingwithoneofthem,”Fathersaid,spittingonthedirtroad.
“Whywouldyouthinkthat?”Iaskeduncomfortably,atrickleofsweatrunningdownmyspine.Iranmyfingerbeneathmycollar,recoilingwhenIfeltthegauzebandageofmyneck.Itwasdamp,butfromsweatorbloodIcouldnottell.
Mythoughtswereatangle.WasIbetrayingKatherinebyattendingthismeeting?WasIbetrayingFatherbykeepingKatherine’ssecret?Whowasevilorgood?Nothingseemedclear.
“Ithinkthatbecausetheyhavethatkindofpower,”Fathersaid,usingthewhiponBlazeasiftoprovethepoint.Blazewhinniedbeforeshiftingintoafasttrot.
IlookedbackatCordelia,butshewasimpassivelystaringstraightahead.
“Theycantakeoveramindbeforeamanrealizesanythingisamiss.Theycompelthemtosubmitfullytotheircharmsandwhims.Justaglancecanmakeamandowhateveravampiredesires.Andbythetimeamandoesknowhe’sbeingcontrolled,it’stoolate.”
“Really?”Iaskedskeptically.Ithoughtbacktolastnight.HadKatherinedonethattome?Butno.EvenwhenIwasfrightened,I’dbeenmyself.Andallmyfeelingshadbeenmine.Maybevampirescoulddothat,butKatherinecertainlyhadn’tdoneittome.
Fatherchuckled.“Well,notallthetime.Onehopesthatamanisstrongenoughtowithstandthattypeofinfluence.AndIcertainlyhaveraisedmysonstobestrong.Still,IwonderwhatcouldpossiblyhavegottenintoDamon’shead.”
“I’msurehe’sfine,”Isaid,suddenlyverynervousattheideathatDamonmighthavefiguredoutKatherine’ssecret.“Ithinkhe’ssimplynotsurewhathewants.”
“Idon’tcarewhathewants,”Fathersaid.“Whatheneedstorememberisthathe’smysonandIwillnotbedisobeyed.Thesearedangeroustimes,muchmoresothanDamonrealizes.Andheneedstounderstandthatifheisnotwithus,peoplemightconstruethathissympathieslieelsewhere.”
“Ithinkhejustdoesn’tbelieveinvampires,”Isaid,asickfeelingforminginthepitofmystomach.
“Shhh!”Fatherwhispered,wavinghishandtowardmetoquietmedown.Thehorseswereclip-cloppingintotown,justpastthesaloon,whereJeremiahBlackwasalreadynearlypassedoutbythedoor,ahalfbottleofwhiskeyathisfeet.
Somehow,Ididn’tthinkJeremiahBlackwaslisteningorevenseeingwhatwasgoingon,butInodded,pleasedthatthesilencegavemeachancetosortthroughmythoughts.
Iglancedovertomyright,wherePearlandherdaughterweresittingontheironbenchoutsidetheapothecary,fanningthemselves.Iwavedtothem,but,seeingFather’swarningglance,thoughtbetteraboutcallingouttosayhello.
Iclosedmymouthandsatsilentlyuntilwereachedtheotherendoftown,whereJonathanGilbertlivedinanill-keptmansionthathadoncebelongedtohisfather.Fatheroftenmadefunofthefactthatthehousewasfallingapart,buttodayhesaidnothingasAlfredopenedthedoorofthecarriage.
“Cordelia,”Fathercalledtersely,allowinghertowalkupthericketystepsoftheGilbertmansionfirstaswefollowedsuit.
Beforewecouldringthebell,Jonathanhimselfopenedthedoor.“Goodtoseeyou,Giuseppe,Stefan.AndyoumustbeCordelia.I’veheardmuchaboutyourknowledgeofnativeherbs,”hesaid,offeringhishandtoher.
Jonathanledusthroughthelabyrinthinehallwaysandtowardatinydoornexttothegrandstaircase.Jonathanopeneditandgesturedforustoheadinside.Wetookturnsduckingdowntoenteratunnelthatwasabouttenfeetlong,withaflimsyladderattheotherend.Wordlesslyweclimbedtheladderandemergedintoatiny,windowlessspacethatimmediatelymademefeelclaustrophobic.Twocandlesburnedintarnishedcandleholdersonawater-stainedtable,andasmyeyesadjustedtothedimlight,IcouldmakeoutHonoriaFellssittinggingerlyonarockerinthecorner.MayorLockwoodandSheriffForbessharedanoldwoodenbench.
“Gentlemen,”Honoriasaid,standingupandwelcomingusasifwewerejuststoppinginfortea.“AndI’mafraidIhaven’tmadeyouracquaintance,Mrs….”HonoriaglancedsuspiciouslyatCordelia.
“Cordelia,”Cordeliamurmured,glancingfromonefacetoanother,asifthiswasthelastplaceshewantedtobe.
Myfathercougheduncomfortably.“ShetreatedStefanduringhisspellsafterhis…”
“Afterhisfiancéegotherthroatrippedout?”MayorLockwoodsaidgruffly.
“Mayor!”Honoriasaid,clappingherhandtohermouth.
AsJonathanduckedbackoutintothehall,Isettledonastraight-backedchairasfarawayfromthegroupaspossible.Ifeltoutofplace,thoughprobablynotasoutofplaceasCordelia,whowasnowawkwardlysittingonawoodenchairnexttoHonoria’srocker.
“Now,then!”JonathanGilbertsaid,comingbacktotheroom,hisarmsladenwithtoolsandpapersandobjectsIcouldn’tevenbegintoidentify.Hesatonamoth-eatenvelvetarmchairattheheadofthetableandlookedaround.“Let’sbegin.”
“Fire,”Fathersaidsimply.
Ashiveroffearranupmyspine.FirewashowKatherine’sparentshadperished.Wasthatbecausetheywerevampires,too?HadKatherinebeentheonlyonetoescape?
“Fire?”MayorLockwoodrepeated.
“It’sbeenrecorded,manytimesinItaly,thatfirekillsthem,asdoesbeheadingorastakeintheheart.And,ofcourse,thereareherbsthatcanprotectus.”FathernoddedtoCordelia.
“Vervain,”Cordeliaconfirmed.
“Vervain,”Honoriasaiddreamily.“Howpretty.”
Cordeliasnorted.“Itain’tnothingbutaherb.Butifyouwearit,thenyouhaveprotectionfromthedevil.Somesayitcanalsoworkabittonursethosewho’vebeenaroundthembacktohealth.Butit’spoisontothemdevilsyoucallvampires.”
“Iwantsome!”Honoriasaidgreedily,holdingoutherhandeagerly.
“Idon’thaveanywithme,”Cordeliasaid.
“Youdon’t?”Fatherlookedathersharply.
“It’sallgonefromthegarden.IuseditforMr.Stefan’sremedies;thenwhenIwenttopickitthismorning,itwasallgone.Wasprobablythechildrenwhotookit,”Cordeliasaidindignantly,butsheglancedstraightatme.Ilookedaway,reassuringmyselfthatifshehadknownaboutKatherine’struenature,shewouldhavetoldmyfatherbynow.
“Well,then,wheredoIgetsome?”Honoriaasked.
“It’sprobablyrightunderyournose,”Cordeliasaid.
“What?”askedHonoriasharply,asifshe’dbeeninsulted.
“Itgrowseverywhere.Exceptourgarden,”Cordeliasaiddarkly.
“Well,”Fathersaid,glancingatthetwowomen,anxioustodiffusethesituation.“Afterthismeeting,CordeliamayescortMissHonoriatohergardentofindvervain.”
“Now,waitjustadamnminute,”MayorLockwoodsaid,poundinghisbeefyfistonthetable.“Youlostmeatthewomantalk.YoumeantotellmethatifIwearalilacsprig,thenthedemonswillleavemealone?”Hesnorted.
“Vervain,notlilac,”Cordeliaexplained.“Itkeepsevilaway.”
“Yes,”Fathersaidsagely.“Andeveryoneintownmustwearit.Seetoit,MayorLockwood.Thatway,notonlywillourcitizensbeprotected,butanyonewhodoesnotwearitwillbeexposedasavampireandcanthenbeburned,”Fathersaid,hisvoicesosmoothandmatter-of-factthatittookeveryounceofself-controlformenottostandup,rushdowntheshakyladder,findKatherine,andrunawaywithher.
ButifIdidthat,andifKatherinewasasdangerousastheFoundersthought…Ifeltlikeatrappedanimal,unabletofindanyescape.WasItrappedwiththeenemyrightnow,orwastheenemybackatVeritas?Iknewthat,beneathmyshirtcollar,thewoundonmyneckwasbeginningtooozespecksofblood,anditwouldonlybeamatteroftimebeforetheysoakedthroughthefabricandstoodoutasavisiblereminderofmybetrayal.
MayorLockwoodshifteduneasily,causingthechairtocreak.Ijumped.“Now,iftheherbworks,that’sonething.Butwe’reinthemiddleofawar.We’vegotalotofConfederategovernmentofficialspassingthroughMysticFallsontheirwaytoRichmond,andifwordgetsoutthatinsteadofaidingthecausewe’refightingstorybookcreatureswithflowers…”Heshookhishead.“Wecannotissueanedictthateveryonewearvervain.”
“Oh,really?Thenhowdoweknowyou’renotavampire?”Fatherdemanded.
“Father!”Iinterjected.Someonehadtobringavoiceofreasonintothediscussion.“MayorLockwoodisright.Weneedtothinkcalmly.Rationally.”
“Yoursonhasagoodheadonhisshoulders,”MayorLockwoodsaidgrudgingly.
“Abetterheadthanyours,”Fathermumbled.
“Well…wecandiscussvervainlater.Honoria,you’llbeinchargeofmakingsurethatwehaveareadysupply,andwecanstronglyencouragethosewelovetowearit.Butfornow,Iwanttodiscussotherwayswecanfindthevampiresthatwalkamongus,”JonathanGilbertsaidexcitedly,unfoldinglargesheetsofpaperontothetable.MayorLockwoodputhisbifocalsonhisnoseandpeeredatthepapers,whichhadcomplicatedmechanicaldrawingsonthem.
“Thisherelookslikeacompass,”MayorLockwoodsaidfinally,pointingtoacomplicateddrawing.
“Itis!Butinsteadoffindingnorth,itfindsvampires,”Jonathansaid,barelycontaininghisexcitement.“I’mworkingontheprototype.Itjustneedsabitmorefine-tuning.It’sabletodetectblood.Thebloodofothers,”hesaidmeaningfully.
“CanIseethat,Mr.Jonathan?”Cordeliaasked.
Jonathanlookedup,surprised,buthandedherthepapers.Sheshookherhead.
“No,”shesaid.“Theprototype.”
“Oh,ah,well,it’sveryrough,”Jonathansaidashefumbledinhisbackpocketandpulledoutashinymetalobjectthatlookedmorelikeachild’strinketthanatoolforfindingvictims.
Cordeliaturnedthecompassslowlyinherhands.“Itworks?”
“Well…”—Jonathanshrugged—“itwillwork.”
“Here’swhatIpropose,”Fathersaid,leaningbackonhischair.“Wearmourselveswithvervain.Weworkdayandnighttogetthecompasstowork.Andwemakeaplan.Wesetupasiege,andbymonth’sendourtownwillbeclear.”Fathercrossedhisarmsinsatisfaction.Onebyone,everymemberofthegroup,includingCordelia,noddedtheirheads.
Ishiftedonthewoodenchair,holdingmyhandagainstmyneck.Theatticwashotandsticky,andflieswerebuzzingintherafters,asifitwerethemiddleofJulyratherthanthemiddleofSeptember.Idesperatelyneededaglassofwater,andIfeltliketheroomwasgoingtocollapseinonme.IneededtoseeKatherineagain,toremindmyselfthatshewasn’tamonster.Mybreathingbecameshallow,andIfeltthatifIstayedhere,IwouldsaysomethingIdidn’tmean.
“IthinkI’mfeelingfaint,”Iheardmyselfsay,eventhoughthewordsrangfalseeventomyears.Fatherlookedatmesharply.Icouldtellhedidn’tbelieveme,butHonoriacluckedoutsympatheticnoises.
Fatherclearedhisthroat.“I’llseemyboyout,”heannouncedtotheroombeforefollowingmedownthericketyladder.
“Stefan,”Fathersaid,grabbingmyshoulderjustasIopenedthedoorthatwouldleadbacktoaworldIunderstood.
“What?”Igasped.
“Remember.Notawordofthistoanyone.EvenDamon.Notuntilhecomestohissenses.ExceptIthinkhissensesmaybetakenwithourKatherine,”Fathermuttered,halftohimselfasheletgoofmyarm.IstiffenedatthementionofKatherine’sname,butwhenIturnedaround,Father’sbackwastowardmeasheheadedintothehouse.
Iwalkedbackthroughtown,wishingI’driddenMezzanotteinsteadofcominginthecarriage.NowIhadnochoicebuttowalkhome.Iturnedtomyleft,decidingtocutthroughtheforest.Isimplycouldn’tinteractwithanymorehumanstoday.18
Thatnight,Damoninvitedmetoplaycardswithsomeofhissoldierfriends,whowerecampedoutforthemomentinLeestown,twentymilesaway.
“Imaynotagreewiththem,butdamn,cantheyplayagoodhandanddrinkagoodpint,”Damonsaid.
I’dfoundmyselfagreeing,eagertoavoidFatherandanyquestionsaboutvampires.ButbythetimetwilightrolledaroundandIhadn’tseenanysignofKatherineorEmily,IwishedthatIhadn’tagreedtoaccompanyDamon.Mymindwasstilljumbled,andIwantedanightwithKatherinetoreassuremethatmydesirewasleadingmeintherightdirection.Ilovedher,butthepractical,sensiblesideofmewashavingtroubledisobeyingFather.
“Ready?”Damonasked,cladinhisConfederateuniform,whenhestoppedbymybedroomattwilight.
Inodded.Itwastoolatetosayno.
“Good.”Hegrinnedandclattereddownthestairs.Iglancedwistfullyoutthewindowtowardthecarriagehouse,thenfollowedhim.
“We’regoingouttothecamp,”DamonyelledaswepassedbyFather’sstudy.
“Wait!”Fatheremergedfromthestudyintothelivingroom,severallongbranchesfilledwithtiny,lilac-likepurpleflowersinhisarms.Vervain.“Wearthis,”hecommanded,tuckingasprigintoeachofourbreastpockets.
“Youshouldn’thave,Father,”Damonsaidtersely,ashepluckedthesprigoutofhispocketandshoveditintohisbreechespocket.
“I’vegivenyoulatitude,son,andgivenyouaroof.NowallIaskisthatyoudothis,”Fathersaid,slamminghismeatyfistintohispalmsohard,Isawhimwince.Thankfully,Damon,usuallysoquicktopounceatanysignofweakness,didn’tnotice.
“Fine,Father.”Damonshruggedeasilyandspreadhisarmsasifindefeat.“Iwouldbehonoredtowearyourflowerforyou.”
Father’seyesflickeredwithrage,buthedidn’tsayanything.Instead,hesimplybrokeoffanothersprigandtuckeditintoDamon’scoatpocket.
“Thankyou,”ImumbledasIacceptedmyownbranch.MystatementofthankswaslessfortheflowerandmoreforFathershowingmercyonDamon.
“Becareful,boys,”Fathersaid,beforeretreatingtohisstudy.
Damonrolledhiseyesaswewalkedoutside.
“Youshouldn’tbesohardonhim,”Imumbled,shiveringinthenightair.Thesummer-likedayhadbecomeachillyfallevening,butthemistthathadbeeneverywherelastnighthadlifted,givingusacrystal-clearviewofthemoon.
“Whynot?He’shardonus.”Damonsnortedasheledthewaytothestable.MezzanotteandJakewerealreadybridledandstampingtheirhoovesimpatiently.“IhadAlfredgeteverythingready.Thoughtwe’dneedaquickgetaway.”
DamonswunghislegoverJake’sback,thengallopedhimdownthepathandturnedinthedirectionoppositeoftown.Werodeinsilenceforatleastahalfhour.Withjustthesoundofthehoovesandthesightofthemoonpeekingthroughthedensefoliage,itfeltlikewewereridingintoadream.
Finally,webegantohearsoundsofflutesplayingandlaughterandtheoccasionalgunshot.Damondirectedusupoverahilltowardaclearing.Tentsweresetupallover,andapiperplayedinthecorner.Menwerewalkingaround,anddogswerestationedattheentrance.Itwasasifwe’darrivedatamysterious,hiddenparty.
“Hello,sir?”TwoConfederatesoldierscameuptous,theirriflespointedtowardus.Mezzanottetookafewstepsbackandwhinniednervously.
“SoldierDamonSalvatore,sir!HereonleavefromGeneralGroom’scampdowninAtlanta.”
Immediately,thetwosoldiersrelaxedtheirriflesandtippedtheirhatsatus.
“Sorry’boutthat,soldier.We’regearin’upforbattle,andwe’relosingourmenlikeflies,beforetheyevenhitthebattlefield,”thetallersoldiersaid,steppinguptopatJake.
“Yes,andnotbecauseoftyphus,”theother,smaller,mustachioedsoldiersaid,obviouslypleasedtosharethisinformationwithus.
“Killings?”Damonaskedtersely.
“How’dyouknow?”thefirstguardasked,strokinghisrifle.Iglancedattheground,unsurewhattodo.IfeltthatDamonwasgettingusintoadangeroussituation,butIdidn’tknowwhatIcoulddotofixit.
“MybrotherandIarecomingfromMysticFalls,”Damonsaid,jerkinghisthumbbackasiftoprovethatwasthedirectionwecamefrom.“Thenexttownover,pasttheforest.We’vehadsomeofourowntrouble.Peoplearesayingit’ssometypeofanimal.”
“Notunlessit’sananimalthatonlygoesforthethroatandleavestherestofthebodyuntouched,”themustachioedsoldiersaidknowledgeably,histinyeyesflickingbackandforthbetweenus.
“Hmm,”Damonsaid,soundingsuddenlyuninterested.Butthenhechangedthesubject.“Anygoodgamesofpokergoingontonight?”
“Rightthereinthatclearingbytheoaktrees.”Thesmallsoldierpointedalittlewaysoffintothedistance.
“Haveagoodevening,then.Ithankyouforyourhelp,”Damonsaidwithexaggeratedpoliteness.Wewalkedinthedirectionthesoldierpointed,untilDamonstoppedabruptlyatasmallcircleofsoldiers,huddledaroundafireandplayingcards.
“Hello!SoldierDamonSalvatoreonleavefromGeneralGroom’sboys,”Damonsaidconfidentlyasheslidoffhishorseandglancedaroundthefaceslitupbythecampfire.“Thisismybrother,Stefan.Canwebedealtin?”
Oneginger-hairedsoldierglancedatanolder,grand-fatherlytypewhosearmwasinasling.Heshruggedandgesturedforustositononeofthelogssetuparoundthefire.“Don’tseewhynot.”
Adrenalineseepedthroughmyveinsaswesettleddownandtookourhands.Minewasgood:twoacesandaking.Iimmediatelythrewinsomerumplednotesfrommypocket,makingabetwithmyself.IfIwonmoney,theneverythingwouldbefinewithKatherine.AndifIdidn’t,then…well,Ididn’twanttothinkaboutit
“Allin,”Isaidconfidently.
Afterwesettledthegame,Iwasn’tsurprisedtoemergeasthevictor.IsmiledasItookthepileofmoneyandcarefullyputitinmypocket.Igrinnedinrelief,finallyfeelingsureinmyloveforKatherine.IimaginedwhatKatherinewouldsay.SmartStefan,maybe.SavvyStefan.Ormaybeshe’dsimplylaugh,showingherwhiteteeth,andallowmetotakeherintomyarmsandtwirlheraroundandaroundtheroom….
Weplayedseveralmorehandsafterthat,duringwhichIlostthemoneyIhadwon,butIdidn’tcare.Thefirsthandhadbeenthetest,andnowmyheartandmindfeltremarkablylight.
“Whatareyouthinking?”Damonasked,takingaflaskfromhispocket.Heheldittowardme,andItookalongswig.
Thewhiskeyburnedgoingdownmythroat,butIstillcravedmore.Itdidn’tseemthatanyoftheothersoldierswereupforanotherhand.Thefivewewereplayingwithhaddriftedofftochewtobacco,drinkmorewhiskey,ortearfullytalkabouttheirsweetheartsbackhome.
“Comeon,brother,youcantellme,”Damonencouraged.Hetooktheflask,swiggedfromit,thenpasseditbacktowardme.
Itookanother,deeperdrinkandpaused.ShouldItellhim?AnyhesitationIhadearlierhaddisappeared.Afterall,hewasmybrother.“Well,IwasthinkingabouthowdifferentKatherineisthananyothergirlI’vemet…,”Ibeganevasively.IknewIwastreadingintodangerousterritory,butpartofmewasdyingtoknowwhetherDamonalsoknewKatherine’ssecret.Itookanothersipofwhiskeyandcoughed.
“How’sshedifferent?”Damonasked,asmilecurvingonhislips.
“Well,Imeanshe’snot,”Isaid,soberingupasIfranticallytriedtobacktrack.“IjustmeantthatInoticedthatsheis—”
“Thatshe’savampire?”Damoninterrupted.
Mybreathcaughtinmythroat,andIblinked.Iglancedaroundnervously.Peopleweredrinking,laughing,countingtheirwinnings.
ButDamonwassimplysittingthere,thesamesmileonhislips.Icouldn’tunderstandhowhewassmiling.Andthenanew,darkerthoughtappearedinmymind.HowdidDamonknowthatKatherinewaswhoshewas?Hadshetoldhim?Andhaditbeenthesameway,inthemistypredawn,inbed?Ishuddered.
“Soshe’savampire.Whatofit?She’sstillKatherine.”Damonturnedtolookatme,urgencyinhisdark-browneyes.“Andyouwon’tsayanythingtoFather.He’shalfcrazyasitis,”Damonsaidashescuffedhisbootagainsttheground.
“Howdidyoufindout?”Icouldn’tstopmyselffromasking.
Suddenly,ashotwasfired.
“Soldierdown!”auniformedboywholookedtobeaboutfourteenyelledashechargedfromtenttotent.“Soldierdown!Attack!Outintothewoods!”
Damon’sfacepaled.“Ineedtohelp.You,littlebrother,gohome.”
“Areyousure?”Iasked,feelingtornandsuddenlyfrightened.
Damonnoddedtersely.“IfFatherasks,Idranktoomuchatthesaloonandamsleepingitoffsomewhere.”
Anothershotwasfired,andDamontookoffintothewoods,blendingintotheseaofsoldiers.
“Go!”Damonyelled.Iranintheoppositedirectiontothenow-abandonedcampanddugmyheelsintoMezzanotte,whisperinginhervelvetyearsandimploringhertogofaster.
Mezzanotterodethroughtheforestfasterthansheeverhadbefore;onceacrosstheWickeryBridge,sheturned,asifsheknewexactlyhowtoheadhome.Butthensherearedandwhinnied.Iheldonwithmythighsandsawashadowyfigurewithgolden-brownhair,arm-in-armwithanothergirl.
Istiffened.Nowomenwouldbeoutafterdarkunaccompaniedbyamaninthebestofcircumstances,butdefinitelynotinthesetimes.Notwiththevampireattacks.
Thefaceturned,andinthereflectiononthewaterIsawapale,pointedface.Katherine.ShewasescortinglittleAnnafromtheapothecary.AllIcouldseewerethedarkvinesofAnna’scurls,bouncingoverhershoulders.
“Katherine!”Iyelledfromthehorse,withastrengthIdidnotknowIpossessed.Now,insteadofwantingtoholdher,Iwantedtousemyarmstorestrainher,tomakeherstopcarryingouttheawfulthingshewasabouttodo.IfeltbileriseinmythroatasIimaginedfindingajaggedbranchandrammingitintoherchest.
Katherinedidn’tturnaround.SheheldAnna’sshoulderstighterandledherintotheforest.IkickedMezzanottehardontheflanks,thewindwhippingagainstmyfaceasIdesperatelytriedtocatchupwiththem.19
Igallopedthroughthewoods,kickingMezzanottetojumpoverlogs,todashthroughunderbrush,anythingtomakesureIdidn’tlosesightofKatherineandAnna.HowcouldIhavetrustedKatherine?HowcouldIhavethoughtIlovedher?IshouldhavekilledherwhenIhadthechance.IfIdidn’tcatchuptothem,Anna’sbloodwouldbeonmyhands,too.JustasRosalyn’swas.
WereachedanuprootedtreeandMezzanotterearedup,sendingmetumblingbackwardontotheforestfloor.Ifeltasharpstabasmytemplecrackedagainstastone.Thewindwasknockedoutofme,andIfoughtforbreath,knowingitwasonlyamatteroftimebeforeKatherinewouldkillAnnaandthenfinishmeoff.
Ifeltgentle,ice-coldhandsliftingmeuptoasittingposition.
“No…,”Igasped.Theactofbreathinghurt.Mybreecheswereripped,andIhadalargegashonmyknee.Bloodflowedfreelyfrommytemple.
Katherinekneltbesideme,usingthesleeveofherdresstostaveoffthebleeding.Inoticedherlickingherlips,thenmashingthemfirmlytogether.“You’rehurt,”shesaidsoftly,continuingtoapplypressuretomywound.Ipushedmyselfawayfromher,butKatherineclaspedmyshoulder,holdingmeinplace.
“Don’tworry.Remember.Youhavemyheart,”Katherinesaid,holdingmygazewithhers.Wordlessly,Inodded.Ifdeathwastocome,Ihopeditwouldcomequickly.Sureenough,Katherinebaredherteeth,andIclosedmyeyes,waitingfortheagonizingecstasyofherteethagainstmyneck.
Butnothingcame.Instead,Ifelthercoldskinnearmymouth.
“Drink,”Katherinecommanded,andIsawathingashinherdelicatewhiteskin.Bloodwastricklingfromthecutasthoughthroughabrookafterarainstorm.Iwasrepulsedandtriedtoturnmyheadaway,butKatherineheldontothebackofmyneck.“Trustme.Itwillhelp.”
Slowly,fearfully,Iallowedmylipstotouchtheliquid.ImmediatelyIfeltwarmthrundownmythroat.IcontinuedtodrinkuntilKatherinepulledherarmaway
“That’senough,”shemurmured,holdingherpalmoverthewound.“Now,howdoyoufeel?”Shesatbackonherheelsandsurveyedme.
HowdidIfeel?Itouchedmyleg,mytemple.Everythingfeltsmooth.Healed.
“Youdidthat,”Isaidincredulously.
“Idid.”Katherinestoodupandbrushedherhandstogether.Inoticedherwound,too,wasnowcompletelyhealed.“NowtellmewhyIhadtohealyou.Whatareyoudoingintheforest?Youknowit’snotsafe,”shesaid,concernbelyingherchidingtone.
“You….Anna,”Imurmured,feelingsluggishandsleepy,asonemightfeelafteralong,wine-infuseddinner.Iblinkedatmysurroundings.Mezzanottewashitchedtoatree,andAnnawassittingonabranch,huggingherkneestoherchestandwatchingus.Insteadofterror,Anna’sfacewasfullofconfusionasshelookedfromme,toKatherine,thenbacktome.
“Stefan,Annaisoneofmyfriends,”Katherinesaidsimply.
“DoesStefan…know?”Annaaskedcuriously,whisperingasifIwasn’tstandingthreefeetfromher.
“Wecantrusthim,”Katherinesaid,noddingdefinitively.
Iclearedmythroat,andbothgirlslookedatme.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Iaskedfinally.
“Meeting,”Katherinesaid,gesturingtotheclearing.
“StefanSalvatore,”athroatyvoicesaid.Iwhirledaroundandsawathirdfigureemergefromtheshadows.Almostwithoutthinking,Iheldupthevervainfrommybreastpocket,whichlookedasuselessasadaisyclutchedinmyhand.
“StefanSalvatore,”Iheardagain.IglancedwildlybetweenAnnaandKatherine,buttheirfacialexpressionswereimpossibletoread.Anowlhooted,andIpressedmyfistintomymouthtokeepfromscreaming.
“It’sokay,Mama.Heknows,”Annacalledtotheshadows.
Mama.SothatmeantPearlwasalsoavampire.Buthowcouldshebe?Shewastheapothecary,theonewhowassupposedtohealthesick,nottearouthumanthroatswithherteeth.Thenagain,Katherinehadhealedme,andshehadn’ttornoutmythroat.
Pearlemergedfrombetweenthetrees,hergazetighteningonme.“Howdoweknowhe’ssafe?”sheaskedsuspiciously,inavoicethatwasmuchmoreominousthanthepolitetonesheusedatherapothecary.
“Heis,”Katherinesaid,smilingsweetlyasshegentlytouchedmyarm.Ishiveredandclutchedthevervain,Cordelia’swordsechoinginmyhead.Thisherbcouldstopthedevil.Butwhatifwe’dallgottenitwrong,andvampireslikeKatherineweren’tdevilsbutangels?Whatthen?
“Dropthevervain,”Katherinesaid.Ilookedintoherlarge,cat-likeeyesanddroppedtheplanttotheforestfloor.Immediately,Katherineusedthetipofherboottocoveritwithpineneedlesandleaves.
“Stefan,youlookasthoughyou’veseenaghost,”Katherinelaughed,turningtowardme.Butherlaughterwasn’tmean.Instead,itsoundedmelodicandmusicalandslightlysad.Icollapsedontoagnarledtreeroot.Inoticedmylegwasshakingandheldmyhandsfirmlyagainstmyknee,whichwasnowcompletelysmooth,asifthefallhadneverhappened.Katherinetookthemotionasaninvitationforhertoperchonmyknee.Shesatandlookeddownonme,runningherhandsthroughmyhair.
“Now,Katherine,hedoesn’tlooklikehe’sseenaghost.He’sseenvampires.Threeofthem.”IglancedupatPearlasifIwereanobedientschoolboyandsheweremyschoolmarm.Shesatdownonanearbyrockslab,andAnnaperchednexttoher,suddenlylookingmuchyoungerthanherfourteenyears.But,ofcourse,ifAnnawasavampire,thenthatmeantshewasn’tfourteenatall.Mybrainspun,andIfeltamomentarywaveofdizziness.Katherinepattedthebackofmyneck,andIbegantobreatheeasier.
“Okay,Stefan,”Pearlsaidassherestedherchinonhersteepledfingersandgazedatme.“Firstofall,IneedyoutorememberthatAnnaandIareyourneighbors,andyourfriends.Canyourememberthat?”
Iwastransfixedbyhergaze.Pearlthensmiledacurioushalfsmile.“Good,”sheexhaled.
Inoddeddumbly,toooverwhelmedtothink,letalonespeak.
“WewerelivinginSouthCarolinarightafterthewar,”Pearlbegan.
“Afterthewar?”Iasked,beforeIcouldstopmyself.
Annagiggled,andPearlcrackedatinysliverofasmile.“TheWarofIndependence,”Pearlexplainedbriefly.“Wewereluckyduringthewar.Allsafe,allsound,allafamily.”Hervoicecaughtinherthroat,andsheclosedhereyesforamomentbeforecontinuing.“Myhusbandranasmallapothecarywhenawaveofconsumptionhittown.Everyonewasaffected—myhusband,mytwosons,mybabydaughter.Withinaweek,theyweredead.”
Ididn’tknowwhattosay.CouldIsayIwassorryforsomethingthathadhappenedsolongago?
“AndthenAnnabegancoughing.AndIknewIcouldn’tloseher,too.Myheartwouldbreak,butitwasmorethanthat,”Pearlsaid,shakingherheadasifcaughtinherownworld.“Iknewmysoulandmyspiritwouldbreak.AndthenImetKatherine.”
IglancedtowardKatherine.Shelookedsoyoung,soinnocent.Iglancedawaybeforeshecouldlookatme.
“Katherinewasdifferent,”Pearlsaid.“Shearrivedintownmysteriously,withoutrelatives,butsheimmediatelybecamepartofsociety.”
Inodded,wonderingwho,then,waskilledintheAtlantafirethatbroughtKatherinetoMysticFalls.ButIdidn’task,waitingforPearltocontinueherstory
Sheclearedherthroat.“Still,therewassomethingaboutherthatwasunusual.AlltheladiesandItalkedaboutit.Shewasbeautiful,ofcourse,buttherewassomethingelse.Somethingotherworldly.Somecalledheranangel.Butthenshenevergotsick,notduringthecoldseasons,andnotwhentheconsumptionbeganintown.Therewerecertainherbsshewouldn’ttouchintheapothecary.Charlestonwasasmalltownthen.Peopletalked.”
Pearlreachedforherdaughter’shand.“Annawouldhavedied,”Pearlcontinued.“That’swhatthedoctorsaid.Iwasdesperateforacure,wrackedwithgriefandfeelingsohelpless.HereIwas,awomansurroundedbymedicine,unabletohelpmydaughterlive.”Pearlshookherheadindisgust.
“Sowhathappened?”Iasked.
“IaskedKatherineonedayifsheknewofanythingthatcouldbedone.AndassoonasIasked,Iknewshedid.Therewassomethinginhereyesthatchanged.Butshestilltookafewminutesofsilencebeforesherespondedandthen—”
“PearlbroughtAnnatomychambersonenight,”Katherineinterjected.
“Shesavedme,”Annasaidinasoftvoice.“Mothertoo.”
“Andthat’showweendeduphere.Wecouldn’tstayinCharlestonforever,nevergrowingold,”Pearlexplained.“Ofcourse,soonwe’llhavetomoveagain.That’sthewayitgoes.We’regypsies,navigatingbetweenRichmondandAtlantaandallthetownsinbetween.Andnowwehaveanotherwartodealwith.Seeingsomuchhistoryreallyprovestousthatsomethingsneverdochange,”Pearlsaid,smilingruefully.“Butthereareworsewaystopassthetime.”
“Ilikeithere,”Annaadmitted.“That’swhyI’mscaredwe’llbesentaway.”Shesaidthatlastpartasawhisper,andsomethingabouthertonemademeachinglysad.
IthoughtofthemeetingI’dattendedthatafternoon.IfFatherhadhisway,theywouldn’tbesentaway,they’dbekilled.
“Theattacks?”Iaskedfinally.IthadbeentheonequestionthathadbeennaggingatmeeversinceKatherine’sconfession.Becauseifshedidn’tdoit,thenwho…?
Pearlshookherhead.“Remember,we’reyourneighborsandfriends.Itwasn’tus.Weneverwouldbehavelikethat.”
“Never,”Annaparroted,shakingherheadfearfully,asthoughshewerebeingaccused.
“Butsomeofourtribehave,”Pearlsaiddarkly.
Katherine’seyeshardened.“Butit’snotjustweortheothervampireswhoarecausingtrouble.Ofcourse,that’swhoeveryoneblames,butnooneseemstorememberthatthere’sawargoingonwithuntoldbloodshed.Allpeoplecareaboutarevampires.”HearingDamon’swordsinKatherine’smouthwaslikeabucketofcoldwaterinmyface,areminderthatIwasn’ttheonlypersoninKatherine’suniverse.
“Whoaretheothervampires?”Iaskedgruffly.
“It’sourcommunity,andwewilltakecareofit,”Pearlsaidfirmly.Shestoodup,thenwalkedacrosstheclearing,herfeetcrunchingonthegrounduntilshestoodaboveme.“Stefan,I’vetoldyouthestoryandnowherearethefacts:Weneedbloodtolive.Butwedon’tneeditfromhumans,”Pearlsaid,asifshewereexplainingtooneofhercustomershowanherbworked.“Wecangetitfromanimals.But,likehumans,someofusdon’thaveself-control,andsomeofusattackpeople.It’sreallynotthatmuchdifferentfromaroguesoldier,isit?”
Isuddenlyhadanimageofoneofthesoldierswe’djustplayedpokerwith.Wereanyofthemvampires,too?
“Andremember,Stefan,weonlyknowsome.Therecouldbemore.We’renotasuncommonasyoumaythink,”Katherinesaid.
“Andnow,becauseofthesevampireswedon’tevenknow,we’reallbeinghunted,”Pearlsaid,tearsfillinghereyes.“That’swhywe’remeetingheretonight.Weneedtodiscusswhattodoandcomeupwithaplan.Justthisafternoon,HonoriaFellsbroughtavervainconcoctiontotheapothecary.Howthatwomanevenknowsaboutvervain,Ihavenoidea.Suddenly,IfeellikeI’mananimalabouttobetrapped.Peoplehaveglancedatournecks,andIknowthey’rewonderingaboutournecklaces,piecingtogetherthefactthatallthreeofusalwayswearthem….”Pearltrailedoffassheraisedherhandstothesky,asifinanexasperatedprayer.
Quickly,IglancedateachofthewomenandrealizedthatAnnaandPearlwerewearingornatecameosliketheoneKatherinewore.
“Thenecklace?”Iasked,clutchingmyownthroatasifI,too,hadamysteriousbluegemthere.
“Lapislazuli.Itallowsustowalkindaylight.Thoseofourkindcannot,usually.Butthesegemsprotectus.They’veallowedustolivenormallyand,perhaps,evenallowedustostaymoreintouchwithourhumansidethanwewouldhaveotherwise,”Pearlsaidthoughtfully.“Youdon’tknowwhatit’slike,Stefan.”Pearl’smatter-of-factvoicedissolvedintosobs.“It’sgoodtoknowthatwehavefriendswecantrust.”
Itookoutmyhandkerchieffrommybreastpocketandhandedittoher,unsurewhatelseIcoulddo.Shedabbedhereyesandshookherhead.“I’msorry.I’msosorrythatyouhavetoknowaboutthis,Stefan.Iknewfromthelasttimethatwarchangesthings,butIneverthought…it’stoosoontohavetomoveagain.”
“I’llprotectyou,”Iheardmyselfsaying,inavoicethatdidn’tquitesoundlikemine.
“But…but…how?”Pearlasked.Faroffinthedistance,abranchbroke,andallfourofusjumped.Pearlglancedaround.“How?”shesaidagain,finally,whenallwasstill.
“Myfather’sleadingachargeinafewweeks.”IfeltatinypinprickofbetrayalasIsaidit.
“GiuseppeSalvatore.”Pearlgaspedindisbelief.“Buthowdidheknow?”
Ishookmyhead.“It’sFatherandJonathanGilbertandHonoriaFellsandMayorLockwoodandSheriffForbes.Theyseemtoknowaboutvampiresfrombooks.Fatherhasanoldvolumeinhisstudy,andtogethertheycameupwiththeideatoleadasiege.”
“Thenhe’lldoit.GiuseppeSalvatoreisnotamantohavehisopinionseasilyswayed,”Pearlstated.
“No,ma’am.”Irealizedhowfunnyitwastocallavampirema’am.ButwhowasItosaywhatwasnormalandwhatwasn’t?Onceagain,myminddriftedtomybrotherandhiswords,hiscasuallaughterwhenitcametoKatherine’struenature.Maybeitwasn’tthatKatherinewasevil,oruncommonatall.MaybetheonlythingthatwasuncommonwasthefactthatFatherwasfixatedoneradicatingthevampires.
“Stefan,IpromisethatnothingI’vesaidtoyouwasalie,”Pearlsaid.“AndIknowthatwewilldoeverythinginourpowertoensurethatnomoreanimalsorhumansarekilledaslongaswe’rehere.Butyousimplymustdowhatyoucan.Forus.BecauseAnnaandIhavecometoofarandgonethroughtoomuchtosimplybekilledbyourneighbors.”
“Youwon’tbe,”Isaid,withmoreconvictionthanIeverhadinmylife.“I’mnotsurewhatI’lldoyet,butIwillprotectyou.Ipromise.”Iwasmakingthepromisetothethreeofthem,butwaslookingonlyatKatherine.Shenodded,atinysparkignitinginhereyes.
“Good,”Pearlsaid,reachingoutherhandtohelpasleepy-eyedAnnatoherfeet.“Now,we’vebeenhereintheforesttoolong.Thelesswe’reseentogether,thebetter.And,Stefan,wetrustyou,”shesaid,justthetiniesthintofawarninginherotherwiserichvoice.
“Ofcourse,”Isaid,grabbingKatherine’shandasAnnaandPearlwalkedoutoftheclearing.Iwasn’tworriedaboutthem.Becausetheyworkedattheapothecary,theycouldgetawaywithwalkinginthemiddleofthenight;theycouldeasilytellanyonewhosawthemthattheyweresearchingforherbsandmushrooms.
ButIwasscaredforKatherine.Herhandsfeltsosmall,andhereyeslookedsofrightened.Shewasdependingonme,athoughtthatfilledmewithequalamountsofprideanddread.
“Oh,Stefan,”Katherinesaidassheflungherarmsaroundmyneck.“Iknoweverythingwillbefineaslongaswe’retogether.”Shegrabbedmyhandandpulledmeontotheforestfloor.Andthen,lyingwithKatherineamidthepineneedlesandthedampearthandthesmellofherskin,Iwasn’tfrightenedanymore.20
Ididn’tseeDamonforthenextfewdays.Fathersaidhewasspendingtimeatthecamp,anideathatclearlyfilledhimwithnosmallamountofpleasure.FatherhopedthatDamonspendingtimetherewouldleadtohimrejoiningthearmy,eventhoughIfiguredhishourswouldbespentmostlygamblingandtalkingaboutwomen.I,forone,wasglad.Ofcourse,Imissedmybrother,butIwouldneverbeabletospendsomuchuninterrupted,unquestionedtimewithKatherineifDamonwasaround.
Truthfully,althoughIfeltdisloyaltosayit,FatherandIadaptedwelltoDamonbeinggone.Webegantakingmealstogether,companionablyplayinghandsofcribbageafterdinner.Fatherwouldsharehisthoughtsabouttheday,abouttheoverseer,andabouthisplanstobuynewhorsesfromafarminKentucky.Forthehundredthtime,Irealizedhowmuchhewantedmetotakeovertheestate,andforthefirsttime,Ifeltexcitementinthatpossibility.
ItwasbecauseofKatherine.I’dtakentospendingeachnightinherchambers,leavingjustbeforeworkbeganinthefields.Shehadn’tbaredherfangssincethatnightinthewoods.Itwasasifthatsecretmeetingintheforesthadchangedeverything.Sheneededmetokeephersecret,andIneededhertokeepmewhole.Inhersmall,dimbedroom,everythingwaspassionateandperfect—italmostfeltasifwewerenewlyweds.
Ofcourse,Iwonderedhowitwouldwork,megrowingoldereachyearasKatherinestayedjustasyoungandbeautiful.Butthatwasaquestionforlater,afterthefearofthevampirescourgewasover,afterwewereengaged,afterwe’dsettledintoalifewithouthiding.
“Iknowyou’vebeenspendingtimewithyoungKatherine,”Fathersaidonenightatthedinnertable,asAlfredclearedthetableandbroughtFatherhiswell-worndeckofcardsforustoplay.
“Yes.”IwatchedasAlfredpouredsherryintoFather’sglass.Intheflickeringcandlelight,thenormallypinkliquidlookedlikeblood.Heheldthedecantertome,butIshookmyhead.
“SohasyoungDamon,”Fatherobserved,takingthecarddeckinhisthickfingersandslowlypalmingitfromhandtohand.
Isighed,annoyedthatDamonhadonceagaincomeintoaconversationaboutKatherine.“Sheneedsafriend.Friends,”Isaid.
“Thatshedoes.AndI’mgladthatyou’vebeenabletoprovideherwithcompanionship,”Fathersaid.Heplacedthecardsfacedownonthetableandglancedatme.
“Youknow,Idon’tknowverymuchaboutherAtlantarelations.I’dheardofherthroughoneofmyshippingpartners.Verysad,agirlorphanedbySherman’sbattle,buttherearen’tverymanyotherPiercesthatsaytheyknowofher.”
Ishiftednervously.“Pierceisacommonenoughname.Andmaybeshedoesn’twanttobeaffiliatedwithsomeofherrelations.”Itookadeepbreath.“I’msurethereareotherSalvatoresouttherethatwehaven’theardof.”
“There’sagoodpoint,”Fathersaid,takingasipofhissherry.“Salvatoreisn’tacommonname,butit’sagoodone.WhichiswhyIhopeyouandDamonknowwhatyou’regettinginto.”
Ilookedupsharply.
“Fightingoverthesamegirl,”Fathersaidsimply.“Iwouldn’twantyoutoloseyourrelationship.IknowIdon’talwaysseeeyetoeyewithyourbrother,buthe’syourfleshandblood.”
Icringed,thefamiliarphrasesuddenlycomplicated.ButifFathernoticed,hedidn’tsayanything.Hepickedupthedeckandglancedatmeexpectantly.“Shallweplay?”heasked,alreadybeginningtodealsixcardstome.
Ipickedupmystack,butinsteadoflookingatthecards,Iglancedoutofthecornerofmyeye,toseeifIcouldspotanymovementfromthecarriagehousethroughthewindow.
Alfredwalkedintotheroom.“Sir,youhaveaguest.”
“Aguest?”Fatheraskedcuriously,halfstandingupfromthetable.Werarelyhadguestscometotheestateunlesstherewasaparty.Fatheralwayspreferredmeetingacquaintancesintownoratthetavern.
“Pleaseforgivemyintrusion.”Katherinewalkedin,herthinarmsfilledwithabouquetofflowersofalldifferentshapesandsizes—rosesandhydrangeasandliliesofthevalley.“EmilyandIwerepickingtheflowersbythepond,andIthoughtyoumightappreciatesomecolor.”KatherineofferedasmallgrinasFatherstifflyheldouthishandforhertoshake.He’dbarelyhadafour-wordconversationwithKatherinesinceshe’darrived.Iheldmybreath,asanxiousasIwouldbeifIwereintroducingFathertomybetrothed.
“Thankyou,MissPierce,”Fathersaid.“Andourhouseisyourhouse.Pleasedon’tfeelyouneedtoaskpermissiontocomevisit.We’dlovetohaveyou,wheneveryouwishtospendtimewithus.”
“Thankyou.Iwouldn’twanttobeanimposition,”shesaid,battinghereyelashesinawaythatwasirresistibleforanyman.
“Please,haveaseat,”Fathersaid,settlingdownattheheadofthetable.“MysonandIwerejustpreparingtoplayahandofcards,butwecancertainlyputthemaway.”
Katherineeyedourgame.“Cribbage!MyfatherandIalwaysusedtoplay.MayIjoinyou?”Sheflashedasmileasshesettledintomychairandpickedupmyhand.Instantly,shefrownedandbeganrearrangingthecards.
Howcouldshe,whenworriedforherveryexistence,besocarefreeandenchanting?
“Why,ofcourse,MissPierce.Ifyou’dliketoplay,I’dbehonored,andI’msuremysonwouldbehappytohelpyou.”
“Oh,Iknowhowtoplay.”Shesetacardinthecenterofthetable.
“Good,”Fathersaid,puttinghisowncardontopofhers.“And,youknow,Idoworryaboutyouandyourmaid,allaloneinthecarriagehouse.Ifyouwanttomovetothemainhouse,please,justletmeknowandyourwishismycommand.Ithoughtthatyouwouldlikesomeprivacy,butwiththingsastheyareandallthedanger…”Fathertrailedoff.
Katherineshookherhead,ashadowofafrowncrossingherface.“I’mnotfrightened.IlivedthroughalotinAtlanta,”shesaid,placinganaceonthetablefaceup.“Besides,theservants’quartersaresoclose,theywouldhearmeifIscreamed.”
AsFatherplacedasevenofspadesonthetable,Katherinetouchedmyknee,slowlybrushingitwithafeatherystroke.Iflushedattheintimatecontactwhenmyfatherwassoclose,butIdidn’twanthertostop.
Katherineplacedafiveofdiamondsonthecardpile.“Thirteen.IthinkImaybeonaluckystreak,Mr.Salvatore,”shesaid,movingherpegonespotonthecribbageboard.
Fatherbrokeintoadelightedgrin.“You’requiteagirl.Stefan’sneverreallyunderstoodtherulesofthisgame.”
Thedoorslammed,andDamonwalkedintotheroom,hisrucksackoverhisshoulder.Heshruggeditoffontothefloor,andAlfredpickeditup.Damondidn’tseemtonotice.“LookslikeI’mmissingallthefun,”Damonsaid,histoneaccusatoryashisgazeflickedfromFatherbacktome.
“Youare,”Fathersaidsimply.Thenheactuallyglancedupandsmiledathim.“YoungKatherinehereisprovingthatshe’snotonlybeautifulbutthatshehasbrains,too.Anintoxicatinglyinfuriatingcombination,”Fathersaid,noticingthatKatherinehadrackedupanadditionalpointontheboardwhenhewasn’tlooking.
“Thankyou,”Katherinesaid,deftlydiscardingandpickingupanewcard.“You’remakingmeblush.AlthoughIdoadmitthatIthinkyourcomplimentsarejustanelaborateplanfordistractingmesoyoucanwin,”Katherinesaid,barelybotheringtoacknowledgeDamon.
IstrodeovertoDamon.Westoodtogetherinthedoorway,watchingKatherineandFather.
Damoncrossedhisarmsoverhischest.“Whatisshedoinghere?”
“Playingcards.”Ishrugged.
“Doyoureallythinkthat’swise?”Damonloweredhisvoice.“Givenhisopinionsonher…provenance.”
“Butdon’tyousee?It’sbrilliant.She’scharminghim.Ihaven’theardhimlaughsohardsinceMotherdied.”Ifeltsuddenlydeliriouswithhappiness.ThiswasbetterthananythingIcouldhaveplanned.InsteadoftryingtocomeupwithanelaborateplottopushFatheroffthevampiretrail,FatherwouldsimplyseethatKatherinewashuman.Thatshestillhademotionsandwouldn’tdoanyharmsaveforruininghiswinningstreakatcribbage.
“Sowhat?”Damonasked.“He’samadmanonthehunt.Afewsmileswon’tchangethat.”
KatherineeruptedintogigglesasFatherputdownacard.Iloweredmyvoice.“Ithinkifwelethimknowabouther,he’dchangehismind.He’drealizethatshedoesn’tmeananyharm.”
“Areyoucrazy?”Damonhissed,clenchingmyarm.Hisbreathsmelledlikewhiskey.“IfFatherknewaboutKatherine,he’dkillherinaninstant!Howdoyouknowhe’snotalreadyplanningsomething?”
JustthenKatherineletoutapealoflaughter.Fatherthrewhisheadback,addinghishoarselaughtohers.DamonandIfellsilentassheglancedupfromhercards.Shefounduswithhereyesandwinked.
ButsinceDamonandIwerestandingsidebyside,itwasimpossibletotellwhoitwasmeantfor.21
Thenextmorning,Damonleftwiththebriefexplanationthathewashelpingthemilitiaatthecamp.Iwasn’tsureIbelievedhisexcuse,butthehousewasdecidedlymorepeacefulinhisabsence.KatherinecameovereachnighttoplaycribbagewithFather.OccasionallyI’djoinherasatwo-against-oneteam.Whileplaying,KatherinewouldtellFatherstoriesfromherpast:aboutherfather’sshippingbusiness;aboutherItalianmother;aboutWheat,theScottishterriershe’dhadasagirl.Iwonderedifanyofthemweretrue,orifitwasKatherine’splantoactasamodern-dayScheherazade,spinningstoriesthatwouldeventuallypersuadeFathertospareher.
Katherinewouldalwaysmakeashowofgoingbacktothecarriagehouse,anditwasagonywaitingforthemomentwhenFatherwenttobedsothatIcouldfollowher.Shenevertalkedaboutherpast—orherplans—withme.Shedidn’ttellmehowshegothernourishment,andIdidn’task.Ididn’twanttoknow.Itwasfareasiertopretendshewasjustanormalgirl.
Oneafternoon,whenFatherwasintownwithRobert,discussingbusinesswiththeCartwrights,KatherineandIdecidedtospendanentiredaytogether,insteadofafewstolen,darkhours.ItwasnearingOctober,butnoonewouldknowitfromthehightemperaturesandthedailylate-afternoonthunderstorms.Ihadn’tgoneswimmingallsummer,andIcouldn’twaittofeelthewaterofthepondonmyskin—andKatherineinmyarmsinthedaylight.Istrippeddownandjumpedinimmediately.
“Don’tsplash!”yelledKatherine.Sheliftedhersimpleblueskirtuptoheranklesandcautiouslysteppedtowardtheedgeofthepond.She’dalreadylefthermuslinflatsbeneaththewillowtree,andIcouldn’tstopstaringatthedelicatewhiteofherankles.
“Comein!Thewater’sfine!”Iyelled,eventhoughmyteethwerechattering.
Katherinecontinuedtotiptoetowardtheedgeoftheponduntilshewasstandingonthemuddystripbetweenthegrassandthewater.“It’sdirty.”Shewrinkledhernose,shieldinghereyesfromthesun.
“That’swhyyouhavetogetin.Towashoffallthemud,”Isaid,usingmyfingerstoflickwatertowardKatherine.Afewdropletslandedonthebodiceofherdress,andIfeltdesirecoursethroughme.Idunkedunderthewatertocoolmyhead.
“You’renotafraidofalittlesplashing,”IsaidasIemerged,myhairdrippingonmyshoulders.“Or,shallIsay,you’renotafraidofsplashingStefan?”Ifeltalittlebitridiculoussayingit,becausesuchcommentsdidn’tsoundnearlyascleveronmylips.Still,shedidmethefavoroflaughing.Icarefullysidesteppedtherocksonthebottomofthepondtowalkclosertowardher,thenflickedmorewaterinherdirection.
“No!”Katherineshrieked,butshemadenomovetorunawayasIwalkedoutofthepond,grabbedheraroundthewaist,andcarriedherintothewater.
“Stefan!Stop!”shescreamedassheclungtomyneck.“Atleastletmetakeoffmydress!”
Atthat,Iimmediatelylethergo.Sheliftedherhandsoverherhead,allowingmetoeasilypulloffherdress.Thereshestoodinherlittlewhiteslip.Igapedinamazement.OfcourseI’dseenherbodybefore,butithadalwaysbeeninshadowsandhalf-light.NowIsawthesunonhershoulders,andthewayherstomachcurvedinwardandIknew,forthemillionthtime,thatIwasinlove.
Katherinedoveunderwater,reemergingrightnexttome.“Andnow,revenge!”Sheleaneddownandsplashedcoolwateronmewithallhermight.
“Ifyouweren’tsobeautiful,Imightfightback,”Isaid,pullinghertowardme.Ikissedher.
“Theneighborswilltalk,”murmuredKatherineagainstmylips.
“Letthemtalk,”Iwhispered.“IwanteveryonetoknowhowmuchIloveyou.”Katherinekissedmeharder,withmorepassionthanI’deverfelt.Isuckedmybreathin,feelingsomuchdesirethatIsteppedaway.IlovedKatherinesomuchthatitalmosthurt;itmadeithardertobreathe,hardertotalk,hardertothink.Itwasasifmydesirewasaforcelargerthanmyself,andIwassimultaneouslyfrightenedandoverjoyedtofollowwhereveritledme.
Itookashakybreathandlookedupatthesky.Largethundercloudshadrolledin,obscuringthesky,whichhadbeenapureceruleanjustmomentsbefore.“Weshouldgo,”Isaid,headingtowardshore.
Sureenough,assoonaswesteppedontodryland,aclapofthunderrolledoffinthedistance.
“Thestormcameinfast,”Katherineobservedasshewrungouthercurls.Shedidn’tseematallself-consciouseventhoughhersoaking-wetwhiteslipleftnothingtotheimagination.Somehow,itseemedalmostmoreillicitanderotictoseeherscantilydressedthantoseehernaked.“Onecouldthinkthatitwasalmostasignthatourrelationshipisnotmeanttobe.”Hervoicewasteasing,butIfeltashiverofdreadgoupmyspine.
“No,”Isaidloudly,toreassuremyself.
“I’mjustteasingyou!”Katherinekissedmycheekbeforeleaningdowntopickupherdress.Asshestolebehindtheweepingwillowtree,Iyankedupmybreechesandputonmyshirt.
Katherineemergedfrombehindthetreeamomentlater,hercottondressclingingtohercurves,thedamptendrilsofherhairstickingtoherback.Herskinhadabluishqualitytoit.
Iputmyarmsaroundherandrubbedherarmsvigorously,tryingtowarmherup,thoughIknewthatwasimpossible.
“Ihavesomethingtotellyou,”Katherinesaidasshetiltedherfaceuptotheopensky.
“What?”Iasked.
“IwouldbehonoredtoattendtheFoundersBallwithyou,”shesaid,andthen,beforeIcouldkissheragain,shebrokefrommyembraceandranbacktothecarriagehouse.22
TheweekoftheFoundersBallcamewithacoldspellthatsettledintoMysticFallsandrefusedtoleave.Ladieswalkedaroundtowninmidafternooninwoolcoatsandshawls,andtheeveningswerecloudyandstarless.Outinthefield,workersfrettedaboutanearlyfrost.Still,thatdidn’tstoppeoplefromasfarawayasAtlantacomingintotownfortheball.Theboarding-housewasfull,andtheentiretownhadacarnival-likeairinthedaysleadinguptotheevent.
DamonwasbackatVeritas,hismysterioustenurewiththebrigadeover.Ihadn’ttoldhimthatKatherineandIwereattendingtheFoundersBall,andhehadn’tasked.Instead,I’dbusiedmyselfwithwork,feelingrenewedvigorabouttakingoverVeritas.IwantedtoprovetoFatherthatIwasseriousabouttheestateandaboutgrowingupandassumingmyplaceintheworld.He’dbeengivingmemoreresponsibility,allowingmetolookovertheledgersandevenencouragingmetogotoRichmondwithRoberttoattendalivestockauction.Icouldseemylife,tenyearsfromnow.I’drunVeritas,andKatherinewouldruntheinsideofthehome,hostingpartiesandplayingtheoccasionalcardgameatnightwithFather.
Thenightoftheball,Alfredknockedonmydoor.
“Sir?Doyourequireanyassistance?”heaskedasIswungthedooropen.
Iglancedatmyreflectioninthemirror.Iwasdressedinablacklong-tailedcoatandtie,withmyhairslickedback.Ilookedolder,moreconfident.
Alfredfollowedmygaze.“Lookingsmart,sir,”heallowed.
“Thankyou.I’mready,”Isaid,myheartflutteringinexcitement.Lastnight,Katherinehadteasedmemercilessly,notgivingmeanycluesastowhatshewasgoingtowear.Icouldn’twaittoseeher.Iknewshe’dbethemostbeautifulgirlattheball.Moreimportant,shewasmine.
Iheadeddownthestairs,relievedthatDamonwasnowheretobefound.IwonderedwhetherhewasattendingtheFoundersBallwithsomeofhisarmyfriendsorperhapsoneofthetown’sgirls.He’dbeendistantlately,impossibletofindinthemorningandatthetavernatnight.
Outside,thehorseswerepawingatthedrive.Ienteredthewaitingcoach,whichclip-cloppeditswaytothecarriagehouse.
Iglancedoutthewindow,andnoticedKatherineandEmilystandingatthefrontdoor.Emilyworeasimpleblacksilkdress,butKatherine…
Ihadtopressmybackintothecarriageseattokeepfromjumpingoutofthemovingcoach.Herdresswasemeraldgreen,nippinginatthewaistbeforeflowingoverherhips.Thebodicewaslowandtightandshowedoffhercreamywhiteskin,andherhairwaspulledbackonthetopofherhead,exposinghergraceful,swan-likeneck.
ThesecondAlfredpulledbackonthehorses’reins,Iopenedthedoorofthecoachandhoppedout,smilingbroadlyasKatherine’seyescaughtmine.
“Stefan!”Katherinebreathed,liftingherskirtsslightlyassheglideddownthestairs.
“Katherine.”IgentlykissedhercheekbeforeIofferedmyarmtoher.Together,weturnedandwalkedtowardthecarriage,whereAlfredstoodwiththedooropen.
TheroadtoMysticFallswasfilledwithunfamiliarcoachesofallshapesandsizes,leadingtotheLockwoodmansiononthefarendoftown.Ifeltathrillofanticipation.ThiswasthefirsttimeI’deverescortedagirltotheFoundersBall.Inallpreviousyears,I’dspentmostoftheeveningsplayingpokerwithmyfriends.Invariablysomesortofdisasterhappened.Lastyear,MatthewHartnetthadgottendrunkonwhiskeyandhadaccidentallyunhitchedthehorsesfromhisparents’coach,andtwoyearsago,NathanLaymanhadgottenintoafistfightwithGrantVanderbilt,andbothendedupwithbrokennoses.
Weslowlymadeourwayuptothemansion,finallyreachingthefrontwalk.Alfredstoppedthehorsesandletusout.IlacedmyfingerswithKatherine’s,andtogetherwewalkedthroughtheopendoorsofthemansionandheadedtowardthediningroom.
Thehigh-ceilingedroomhadbeenclearedofallfurniture,andthecandlelightlentawarm,mysteriousglowtothewalls.AbandinthecornerplayedIrishreels,andcoupleswerealreadybeginningtodance,eventhoughthenightwasyoung.IsqueezedKatherine’shand,andshesmiledupatme.
“Stefan!”IwhirledaroundandsawMr.andMrs.Cartwright.IdroppedKatherine’shandimmediately.
Mrs.Cartwright’seyeswerered,andshewaspositivelygauntcomparedtothelasttimeIsawher.Meanwhile,Mr.Cartwrightseemedtohaveagedtenyears.Hishairwassnow-white,andhewaswalkingwiththeaidofacane.Bothworepurplesprigsofvervain—atuftstuckoutofMr.Cartwright’sbreastpocket,andtheflowerswerewovenintoMrs.Cartwright’shat—butotherthanthat,theywerecladentirelyinblack,formourning.
“Mr.andMrs.Cartwright,”Isaid,mystomachclenchingwithguilt.Intruth,I’dnearlyforgottenthatRosalynandIhadbeenengaged.“It’sgoodtoseeyou.”
“Youcouldhaveseenussoonerifyou’dcometocallonus,”Mr.Cartwrightsaid.HecouldbarelyhidethecontemptinhisvoicewhenhisgazelandedonKatherine.“ButIunderstandyoumusthavebeenindeep…griefaswell.”
“IwillcomenowthatIknowyou’retakingvisitors,”Isaidlamely,tuggingatmycollar,whichsuddenlyfeltquitetightaroundmyneck.
“Noneed,”Mrs.Cartwrightsaidicilyasshereachedintohersleevetopulloutahandkerchief.
KatherineclaspedMrs.Cartwright’shand.Mrs.Cartwrightlookeddown,anexpressionofshockonherface.Awaveofapprehensionranthroughme,andIfoughttheurgetostepbetweenthemandshieldKatherinefromtheiranger.
ButthenKatherinesmiled,andamazingly,bothCartwrightssmiledback.“Mr.andMrs.Cartwright,Iamsosorryforyourloss,”shesaidwarmly,holdingtheirgazes.“IlostmyparentsduringtheAtlantasiege,andIknowhowharditis.Ididn’tknowRosalynwell,butIdoknowshewillneverbeforgotten.”
Mrs.Cartwrightblewhernosenoisily,hereyeswatering.“Thankyou,dear,”shesaidreverentially.
Mr.Cartwrightpattedhiswifeontheback.“Yes,thankyou.”Heturnedtome,compassionreplacingthescornthathadoccupiedhiseyesjustmomentsearlier.“AndpleasetakecareofStefan.Iknowhe’ssuffering.”
Katherinesmiledasthecouplerejoinedthecrowd.
Igapedinamazement.“Didyoucompelthem?”Iasked,thewordtastingbitterinmymouth.
“No!”Katherineplacedherhandoverherheart.“Thatwasgood,old-fashionedkindness.Now,let’sdance,”shesaid,tuggingmetowardthelargeballroom.Luckily,thedancefloorwasacrushofbodiesandthelightingwaslow,soitwasalmostimpossibletomakeoutspecificpeople.Flowergarlandshungfromtheceiling,andthemarblefloorwaswaxedtoasheen.Theairwashotandcloying,withthescentofhundredsofcompetingperfumes.
IputmyhandonKatherine’sshouldersandtriedtorelaxintothewaltz.ButIstillfeltjumpy.TheconversationwiththeCartwrightshadstirredmyconscience,makingmefeelvaguelydisloyaltoRosalyn’smemory,andtoDamon.HadIbetrayedhimsomehowbynottellinghimthatKatherineandIwereattheballtogether?WasitwrongthatI’dbeengratefulforhisprolongedabsences?
Thebandstopped,andaswomenadjustedtheirdressesandgraspedtheirpartners’handsagain,Iheadedtowardtherefreshmenttableinthecorner.
“Areyouallright,Stefan?”Katherineasked,glidingupbesideme,worrylinescreasingherlovelyforehead.
Inodded,butIdidn’tbreakmystride.“Justthirsty,”Ilied.
“Metoo.”KatherinestoodexpectantlyasIladledthedark-redpunchintoacrystaltumbler.
Ipassedtheglasstoherandwatchedasshedrankdeeply,wonderingifthatwaswhatshelookedlikewhenshedrankblood.Whensheplacedtheglassonthetable,shehadtheslightesttraceofredliquidaroundhermouth.Icouldn’thelpit.WithmyindexfingerIwipedthedropoffthesideofherbow-shapedmouth.ThenIputmyfingerinmyownmouth.Ittastedsweetandtangy.
“Areyousureyou’reallright?”Katherineasked.
“I’mworriedaboutDamon,”IconfessedasIpouredmyselfaglassofpunch.
“Butwhy?”Katherineasked,genuineconfusionregisteringonherface.
“Becauseofyou,”Isaidsimply.
Katherinetookthetumblerfrommeandledmeawayfromtherefreshmenttable.“He’slikeabrothertome,”shesaid,touchingmybrowwithhericyfingers.“I’mlikehislittlesister.Youknowthis.”
“ButallthosetimeswhenIwassick?Whenyouandheweretogether?Itseemedlike…”
“ItseemedlikeIneededafriend,”Katherinesaidfirmly.“Damon’saflirt.Hedoesn’twanttobetieddown,norwouldIwanttobetiedtohim.Youaremylove,andDamonismybrother.”
Allaroundus,couplesswirledinthesemi-darkness,dippingintimetothemusicandlaughinggailyatprivatejokes,seeminglywithoutacareintheworld.They,too,hadtoworryaboutattacksandthewarandheartbreak,buttheystilllaughedanddanced.Whycouldn’tIaswell?WhydidIalwayshavetodoubtmyself?IglancedatKatherine.Adarkcurlhadcomeloosefromherupdo.Ituckeditbehindherear,relishingthesilkyfeelofthestrandsbetweenmyfingers.Longingcoursedthroughme,andasIstaredintoherdeepbrowneyes,allfeelingsofguiltanduneasevanished.
“Shallwedance?”askedKatherine,takingmyhandandpressingittohercheek
Throughthecrowdeddancefloor,IspottedFather,Mr.Cartwright,andtherestoftheFounderswhisperingfuriouslyinafarcorner.
“No,”Iwhisperedhuskily.“Let’sgohome.”
IgrabbedKatherine’sshoulder,andwewhirledaroundthedanceflooruntilwereachedthekitchen,whereservantswerebusilypreparingrefreshments.Handinhand,wetorethroughthekitchen—muchtotheconfusionoftheservants—andexitedatthebackofthehouse.
Wesprintedintothenight,oblivioustothecoldair,theshrieksoflaughterfromthemansion,andthefactthatwe’djustrunoutonthesocialeventoftheseason.
ThecoachwastiedneartheLockwoods’stable.Alfredwasnodoubtplayingcrapswiththeotherservants.
“Afteryou,mylady,”Isaid,liftingKatherinebythewaistandplacingherinthepassengerseat.Ihoistedmyselfuptothedriver’sseatandcrackedthewhip,whichimmediatelycausedthehorsestostartclip-cloppinginthedirectionofhome.
IgrinnedatKatherine.Wehadanentireeveningoffreedominfrontofus,anditwasintoxicating.Nohavingtosneakintothecarriagehouse.Noskirtingtheservants.Justhoursofuninterruptedbliss.
“Iloveyou!”Iyelled,butthewindstolethewordsassoonastheyleftmymouth.Iimaginedthemtravelingwiththebreeze,floatingthroughtheentireworlduntileverypersonineverytownknewofmylove.
Katherinestoodupinthecoach,hercurlswhippingwildlyaroundherface.“Iloveyou,too!”sheshouted,andthencollapsedintogigglesontheseat.
Bythetimewegotbacktothecarriagehouse,wewerebothsweatyandred-cheeked.ThesecondwereachedKatherine’schambers,Ipulledthedressoffherslimframeand,seizedbymypassion,gentlyranmyteethagainstherneck.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Shesteppedbackandstaredatmesharply.
“I’mjust…”WhatwasIdoing?Playacting?TryingtoseemasifKatherineandIwerethesame?“IguessIwantedtoknowhowyoufeelwhenyou…”
Katherinebitherlip.“Maybesomedayyou’llfindout,myinnocent,sweetStefan.”Shelaybackonthebed,arrangingherhaironthesnow-whitegoose-downpillow.“Butrightnow,allIwantisyou.”
Ilaydownnexttoher,tracingthecurveofherchinwithmyindexfingerasIputmylipstohers.ThekisswassosoftandtenderthatIfeltheressenceandminecombine,creatingaforcethatwaslargerthanourselves.Weexploredeachother’sbodiesasifforthefirsttime.Inthedimlightofherchambers,Iwasneversurewhererealityendedandmydreamsbegan.Therewasnoshame,noexpectation,justpassionanddesire,andasenseofdangerthatwasmysteriousandbeautifulandconsuming.
Thatnight,IwouldhaveallowedKatherinetoconsumemeentirelyandclaimmeforherown.Iwouldhavegladlyofferedupmyneckifitmeantthatwecouldhavestayedlockedinthatembraceforallofeternity.23
Thatnight,though,theembracedidend,andIfellintoablack,dreamlesssleep.ButmymindandbodyjerkedintosuddenwakefulnesswhenIheardasharpclangingsoundthatseemedtoreverberatethroughmylimbs.
“Murderers!”
“Killers!”
“Demons!”
Thewordsfloatedthroughtheopenwindow,chant-like.Icrepttothewindowandcreakedopentheshutter.Outside,acrossthepond,therewereflashesoffire,andIevenheardthesoundofriflesfiring.Darkbodiesmovedenmasse,likeaswarmoflocustsdescendinguponacottonfield.
“Vampires!Killers!”
Ibegantomakeoutmoreandmorewordsfromtheangryroarofthecrowd.Therehadtobeatleastfiftymeninattendance.Fiftydrunken,angry,murderousmen.IgrabbedKatherine’sshoulderandbeganshakingherhard.
“Wakeup!”Iwhisperedurgently.
Shesatupwithastart.Thewhitesofhereyeslookedhuge,andtherewereshadowsbeneathhereyesockets.“Whatisit?Iseverythingokay?”Herfingersflutteredtohernecklace.
“No,it’snotokay,”Iwhispered.“Thebrigadeisout.They’researchingforvampires.They’reonthemainroadrightnow.”Ipointedoutthewindow.
Theyellingandshoutsweregettingcloser.Thefireblazedinthenight,flamesreachingtowardthenightskylikereddaggers.Fearshotthroughme.Thiswasn’tsupposedtobehappening—notyet.
Katherineslippedoutofbed,tuckingthewhitequiltaroundherbody,andclosedtheshutterswithabang.“Yourfather,”shesaid,hervoicehard.
Ishookmyhead.Itcouldn’tbe.“Thesiegeissetfornextweek,andFatherisnotthetypetodeviatefromanestablishedplan.”
“Stefan!”Katherinesaidsharply.“Youpromisedyouwoulddosomething.Youhavetostopthis.Thesemendon’tknowwhatthey’refighting,andtheydon’tknowhowdangerousthisis.Iftheykeepdoingthis,peoplewillgethurt.”
“Dangerous?”Iasked,rubbingmytemple.Isuddenlyhadapoundingheadache.Theshoutinggrewquieternow;itseemedthemobwaspressingforward—orperhapsdispersing.Iwonderedifthiswasmoreaprotestspurredbyliquidcouragethananactualsiege.
“Notfromme,butfromwhoeverhaslaunchedtheseattacks.”Katherine’seyesmetmine.“Ifthetownspeopleknowwhat’ssafeforthem,what’sbestforthem,they’dstopthehunt.They’dallowustoresolvethings.They’dallowustofindthesourceoftheattacks.”
Isatontheedgeofthebedandrestedmyelbowsagainstmyknees,staringdownatthewornwoodenfloorboardsindismay,asifIcouldfindsomesortofanswer,somesortofwaytostopwhatalreadyseemedtobehappening.
Katherinetookmyfaceinherhands.“Iamentirelyatyourmercy.Ineedyoutoprotectme.Please,Stefan.”
“Iknow,Katherine!”Isaidhalf-hysterically.“Butwhatifit’stoolate?Theyhavethebrigade,theyhavetheirsuspicions,theyevenhaveaninventiondesignedtofindvampires.”
“What?”Katherinerearedback.“Aninvention?Youdidn’ttellmethat,”shesaid,hervoicetakingonanoteofaccusation.
AhardlumpsettledinmychestasIexplainedJonathan’sdevice.HowhadIfailedtomentionittoKatherine?Wouldsheeverforgiveme?
“JonathanGilbert.”Katherine’sfacetwistedincontempt.“Sothatfoolthinkshecanjusthuntusdown?Likeanimals?”
Irecoiled.I’dneverheardKatherineusethatharshtone.
“I’msorry,”Katherinesaidinamorecomposedvoice,asifshe’dsensedtheflickeroffearinmyheart.“I’msorry.It’sjust…yousimplycan’timaginewhatit’sliketobehunted.”
“Thevoicesseemtobequieting.”Ipeekedthroughtheshutters.Themobwasindeedbeginningtodisperse,theflamesbecomingshakydotsintheinkyblacknight.Thedangerwasseeminglygone.
Fornowatleast.Butbynextweek,they’dhaveJonathan’sinvention.They’dhavealistofvampires.Andthey’dfindeverysinglelastoneofthem.
“Thankgoodness.”Katherinesankdownontothebed,paleasI’deverseenher.Alonetearfellfromhereyeandtrickleddownheralabasterskin.Ireachedtowipeitawaywithmyindexfinger,thengentlytouchedmytonguetomyskin,anechoofwhatI’ddoneattheFoundersBall.Isuckedmyfinger,findingthathertearstastedsalty.Human.
Ipulledhertome,wrappingherinatightembrace.I’mnotsurehowlongwesatthere,together.Butasthefaintlightofthemorningcamethroughthewindows,Istoodup.
“Iwillstopit,Katherine.Iwillprotectyoutothedeath.Iswearit.”24
September25,1864
Theysaylovecanconquerall.ButcanitconquerFather’sbeliefthatKatherineandthoselikeheraredemons—devils?
IdonotexaggeratewhenIsayKatherineisanangel.Shesavedmylife—andAnna’s.Fathermustknowthetruth.Oncehedoes,hewillbeunabletodenyKatherine’sgoodness.ItismydutyasaSalvatoretostaytruetomyconvictionsandtotheonesIlove.
Nowisthetimeforaction,notdoubt.Confidencecoursesthroughmyveins.IwillmakeFatherunderstandthetruth—thatweareallthesame.Andwiththattruthwillcomelove.Fatherwillcalloffthesiege.
ThisIswearonmynameandmylife.
Fortherestoftheday,Isatatmydeskinmybedroom,glancingatanemptynotebookasIcontemplatedwhattodo.IfFatherknewKatherinewasavampire,he’dcalloffthehunt.Hehadto.I’dseenhimlaughwithKatherine,attempttoimpressherwithstoriesofhisboyishanticsbackinItaly,andtreatherashe’dhavetreatedadaughter.KatherinegavemyfatheravigorI’dneverseeninhim.Shegavemyfatherlife.
ButhowcouldIpersuadehimofthis,whenhesodeeplydespiseddemons?Thenagain,Fatherwasrational.Logical.MaybehecouldlearnwhatKatherinehadalreadytaughtme:thatvampiresweren’tallevil.Theywalkedamongus,theycriedhumantears;alltheywantedwasatruehome—andtobeloved.
Finally,Isteeledmycourageandstoodup,closingthenotebookwithanabruptclap.Thiswasn’taschoolboy’sassignment,andIdidn’tneednotestospeakfrommyheart.IwasreadytospeaktoFathermantoman.Afterall,Iwasnearlyeighteen,andhewasplanningtoleavemeVeritas.
Itookadeepbreathandwalkeddownthewindingstaircase,throughthequietlivingroom,andknockedsharplyonthedoortoFather’sstudy.
“Comein!”Father’smuffledvoicecalled.BeforeIhadevenputmyhandontheknob,Fatherswungthedooropenhimself.Heworeatailoredjacket,withasprigofvervaininthelapel,butInoticedthatinsteadofbeingcleanshaven,hesportedsalt-and-pepperstubbleandhiseyeswerebloodshotandhooded.
“Ididn’tseeyoulastnightattheball,”Fathersaidasheusheredmeintohisstudy.“Ihopeyouweren’tpartofthatnoisy,carelessmob.”
“No.”Ishookmyheadvigorously,feelingaflickerofhope.DidthismeanFatherwasnolongerplanninganattack?
“Good.”Fathersatathisoakdeskandslammedhisleather-boundbookshut.Beneathit,Icouldseecomplicateddrawingsanddiagramsofthetown,withX’sovercertainbuildings,includingtheapothecary.Andjustlikethat,theflickerofhopewasextinguished,andcold,hardfeartookupresidenceinitsplace.
Fatherfollowedmygaze.“Asyoucansee,ourplansaremuchmorethought-outthanthatfoolishbrigadeofdrunksandboys.LuckilySheriffForbesandhisteamputastoptothem,andnoneofthemwillbewelcomeatourownsiege.”Fathersighedandsteepledhisfingerstogether.“We’relivingindangerousanduncertaintimes,andyouractionsneedtoreflectthat.”Hisdarkeyessoftenedforasecond.“Ijustwanttomakesureyourdecisions,atleast,areprudent.”Hedidn’tadd“unlikeDamon’s,”buthedidn’thaveto.Iknewthatwaswhathewasthinking.
“Sothesiege…”
“Willhappennextweekasplanned.”
“Whataboutthecompass?”Iasked,rememberingtheconversationwithKatherine
Fathersmiled.“Itworks.Jonathan’sbeentinkeringwithit.”
“Oh.”Awaveofhorrorrushedthroughme.Ifitworked,thenthatmeanttherewasnodoubtFatherwouldfindKatherine.“Howdoyouknowthatitworks?”
Fathersmiledandrolleduphispapers.“Becauseitdoes,”hesaidsimply.
“CanItalktoyouaboutsomething?”Iasked,hopingmyvoicebetrayednoneofmynerves.AnimageofKatherine’sfaceflashedinmyhead,givingmethestrengthtolockeyeswithFather.
“Ofcourse.Sitdown,Stefan,”Fathercommanded.Iperchedintheleatherwingbackchairnearthebookshelves.Hestoodupandwalkedovertothedecanterofbrandyonthecornertable.Hepouredaglassforhimself,thenoneforme.
Itookthetumblerandheldittomylips,takingatiny,almostimperceptiblesipoftheliquid.ThenIsteeledmycourageandstaredstraightathim.“Ihaveconcernsaboutyourplanforthevampires.”
“Oh?Andwhyisthat?”Fatherleanedbackagainsthischair.
Inervouslytookalargegulpofbrandy.“We’remakingtheassumptionthatthey’reasevilasthey’vebeencharacterized.Butwhatifthat’snottrue?”Iasked,willingmyselftomeetFather’sgaze.
Fathersnorted.“Haveyouanyevidencetothecontrary?”
Ishookmyhead.“Ofcoursenot.Butwhytakewhatpeoplesayatfacevalue?Youtaughtusdifferently.”
Fathersighedandwalkedtohisdecanter,pouringmorebrandy.“Why?Becausethesecreaturesarefromthedarkestpartsofhell.Theyknowhowtocontrolyourmind,seduceyourspirit.Theyaredeadly,andtheyneedtobedestroyed.”
Iglanceddownattheamberliquidinmyglass.Itwasasdarkandmurkyasmythoughts.
Fathertippedhisglasstome.“Ishouldn’thavetotellyou,son,thatthosewhostandwiththem,thosewhobringshametotheirfamilies,willbedestroyedaswell.”
Achillwentupmyspine,butIheldhisgaze.“Anyonewhostandswithevilshouldbedestroyed.ButIhardlythinkit’sprudenttoassumethatallvampiresareeviljustbecausetheyhappentobevampires.Youalwaystaughtustoseethegoodinpeople,tothinkforourselves.Thelastthingthistownneeds,whentherehavealreadybeensomanydeathsfromthewar,ismoresenselesskilling,”Isaid,rememberingPearlandAnna’sterrifiedexpressionsinthewoods.“TheFoundersneedtorethinktheplan.I’llcometothenextmeetingwithyou.IknowIhaven’tbeenasinvolvedasIcouldhavebeen,butI’mreadytotakeonmyresponsibilities.”
Fathersankbackintohischair,leaninghisheadagainstthewoodenback.Heclosedhiseyesandmassagedhistemples.Forseverallongmomentsheremainedinthatposture.
Iwaited,everymuscleinmybodycoiledtoreceivetheangryflurryofwordsthatwassuretoflyfromhismouth.Istareddejectedlyintomyglass.Ihadfailed.IhadfailedKatherine,Pearl,andAnna.Ihadfailedatsecuringmyownhappyfuture.
Finally,Father’seyessnappedopen.Tomysurprise,henodded.“IsupposeIcouldgivethemattersomethought.”
Coolrelieffloodedmybody,asifI’djustjumpedintothepondonascorchingsummerday.Hewouldgivethemattersomethought!Tosome,thatmightnotseemtobemuch,butfrommystubbornfather,itmeanteverything.Itmeanttherewasachance.Achancetostopsneakingaroundinthedark.AchanceforKatherinetoremainsafe.Forustobetogether,forever.
Fatherliftedhisglasstome.“Tofamily.”
“Tofamily,”Iechoed.
ThenFatherdrainedtherestofhisglass,whichcompelledmetodothesame.25
ExcitementcoursedthroughmyveinsasIstoleoutofthehouse,acrossthedew-droppedlawn,andtowardthecarriagehouse.IslidpastEmily,whoheldthedooropenforme,andboundedupthestairs.InolongerneededthecandletofindmywaytoKatherine.There,inthebedroom,shewaswearinghersimplecottonnightdressandabsentmindedlyswingingacrystalnecklacethatsparkledinthemoonlight.
“IthinkFathermaybepersuadedtocalloffthesiege.Atleasthe’swillingtotalk.IknowI’llbeabletochangehismind,”Iexclaimed,twirlingheraroundtheroom.
Iexpectedhertoclapwithglee,forhersmiletomirrormyown.ButinsteadKatherinedisengagedherselffrommygripandplacedthecrystalonhernightstand
“Iknewyouwerethemanforthejob,”shesaid,notlookingatme.
“BetterthanDamon?”Iasked,unabletoresist.
FinallyKatherinesmiled.“YouneedtostopcomparingyourselftoDamon.”Shesteppedclosertomeandgrazedmycheekwithherlips.IshiveredwithpleasureasKatherinepulledmybodytowardhers.Iheldhertightly,feelingherbackthroughthethincottonofhernightdress.
Shekissedmylips,thenmyjaw,runningherlips,featherlight,downthecurveofmyneck.Imoanedandpulledherevencloser,needingtofeelallofheragainstallofme.Thensheplungedherteethintomyneck.IletoutastrangledgaspofpainandecstasyasIfeltherteethinsidemyskin,feltherdrawbloodfromme.Itfeltasthoughathousandkniveswerepiercingmyneck.StillIheldhermoretightly,wantingtofeelhermouthonmyskin,wantingtofullysubmitmyselftothepainthatfedher.
Justassuddenlyasshebitme,Katherinebrokeaway,herdarkeyesonfire,agonyetchedonherface.Asmallstreamofbloodtrickledfromthecornerofherlip,andhermouthtwistedinexcruciatingpain.“Vervain,”shegasped,steppingbackwarduntilshecollapsedonthebedinpain.“Whathaveyoudone?”
“Katherine!”Iputmyhandstoherchest,mylipstohermouth,tryingdesperatelytohealherthewayshehadhealedmebackintheforest.Butshepushedmeaway,writhingonthebed,clutchingherhandstohermouth.Itwasasifshewerebeingtorturedbyanunseenhand.Tearsofagonyspilledfromhereyes.
“Whydidyoudothis?”Katherineclutchedherthroatandclosedhereyes,herbreathslowingintogutturalgasps.EveryanguishedcryfromKatherinefeltlikeasmallstakeinmyownheart.
“Ididn’t!Father!”Ishoutedasthedizzyingeventsofthateveningoccurredtome.Mybrandy.Father.Heknew.
Therewasaclatterfromdownstairs,andthenFatherburstin.
“Vampire!”heroared,holdingupacrudelymadestake.Katherinewrithedonthefloorinpain,shriekinginahigh-pitchedtoneI’dneverheardbefore.
“Father!”Ishouted,holdingmyhandsupasheusedhisboottoprodKatherine.Shemoaned,herarmsandlegskickinginoppositedirections.
“Katherine!”IfelltomykneesandheldKatherine’sbodycloseinmyarms.Sheshrieked,hereyesrollingbacksoallIcouldseewaswhite.Foamappearedatthecornerofherblood-cakedlips,asthoughshewerearabidanimal.Igapedinhorrorandletgo,herbodyfallingtothefloorwithasickeningthud.
Iinchedback,sittingonmyheelsandgazingattheceilingasifinprayer.Icouldn’tfaceKatherine,andIcouldn’tfaceFather.
Katherineletoutanotherhigh-pitchedwailasFatherproddedherwithhisstake.Sherearedup—foamingatthemouth,herfangsbared,hereyeswildandunseeing—beforefallingbackinawrithingpile.
Bileroseinmythroat.Whowasthismonster?
“Getup.”Fatherdraggedmetomyfeet.“Don’tyousee,Stefan?Don’tyouseehertruenature?”
IgazeddownatKatherine.Herdarkcurlsweremattedtoherforeheadbysweat,herdarkeyeswerewideandbloodshot,herteethwerecoveredwithfoam,andherentirebodywasshaking.Ididn’trecognizeanypartofher.
“GogetSheriffForbes.Tellhimwehaveavampire.”
Istoodtransfixedinhorror,unabletotakeastepinanydirection.Myheadpounded,mythoughtswhirledinaconfusedtangle.IlovedKatherine.Lovedher.Right?Sowhynowdidthis…creaturedisgustme?
“Ididnotraisemysonstobeweak,”Fatherroared,shovingabundleofvervaininmyshirtpocket.“Nowgo!”
Mybreathcameindeeprasps.Theheatwassuddenlystifling,unbearable.Icouldn’tbreathe,couldn’tthink,couldn’tdoanything.AllIknewwasthatIcouldn’tstandbeinginthatroomforonesecondlonger.Withoutabackwardglanceatmyfatheroratthevampirewrithingonthefloor,Irushedoutofthehouse,takingthestepsthreeatatime,andracedfortheroad.26
IcannotsayhowlongIran.Thenightwasclearandcold,andmyheartfeltasthoughitwerepoundinginmyneck,inmybrain,inmyfeet.Ioccasionallypressedmyhandtothewoundonmyneck,whichwasstillbleeding.Theareawaswarmtothetouch,andIfeltdizzywheneverIputmyhandonit.
Witheachfootstep,anewimageappearedinmyhead:Katherine,bloodstainedfoamcollectingatthecornerofhermouth;Father,standingaboveherwithastake.Memoriesblurred,soIwasn’tsurewhetherthered-eyed,shriekingmonsterwhowasonthefloorwasthesamepersonwho’dlungedatmewithherteeth,who’dcaressedmeinthepond,whohauntedmydreamsandmywakinghours.Ishivereduncontrollablyandlostmyfooting,trippingoverafelledbranch.Ilandedonthedirt,onmyhandsandknees,andretchedrepeatedly,untiltheiron-liketasteinmymouthdisappeared.
Katherinewasabouttodie.Fatherhatedme.Ididn’tknowwhoIwas,orwhatIshouldbedoing.Theentireworldwasturnedupsidedown,andIfeltdizzyandweak,surethatnomatterwhatIdid,Iwouldcausedestruction.Thiswasallmyfault.Allofit.IfIhadn’tliedtoFatherandkeptKatherine’ssecret…
Iforcedmyselftocatchmybreath,thenstoodupandbeganrunningagain.
AsIran,thescentofthevervaininmypocketfilledmynostrils.Itssweet,earthyfragrancewaftedthroughmybody,seemingtoclearmyheadandimbuemylimbswithawakefulenergy.Iturnedleftonthedirtpath,surprisedatthecourseIwaschoosing,butforthefirsttimeinweeks,Ifeltcertainaboutmyactions.
Iburstintothesheriff’soffice,whereSheriffForbessatwithhisfeetuponthedesk,asleep.Intheoneholdingcell,thetowndrunk,JeremiahBlack,wassnoringloudly,obviouslysleepingoffabadnightatthesaloon.Noah,ayoungofficer,wasalsonoddingoffonawoodenchairoutsidethecell.
“Vampires!TherearevampiresatVeritas!”Iyelled,causingSheriffForbesandJeremiahtosimultaneouslysnaptoattention.
“Let’sgo.Followme,”SheriffForbessaid,grabbingaclubandamusket.“Noah!”heyelled.“GetthewagonandfollowbehindwithStefan.”
“Yes,sir,”Noahsaid,jumpingtohisfeet.Hepulledaclubfromahookonthewallandpassedittome.Justthen,Iheardapiercingnoise,andIrealizedthatSheriffForbeswasringingthealarmoutsidethesheriff’soffice.Thebellclangedoverandoveragain.
“Icanhelp.Please?”Jeremiahslurred,bothhandsonthebars.Noahshookhisheadandhurriedlyranthroughthebuilding,hisbootsechoingagainstthewoodenfloorbeams.Ifollowedhim,stoppingtowatchashehastilyhitchedtwohorsestoalongironwagon.
“Comeon!”Noahcalledimpatiently,holdinghiswhip.
IjumpedupontotheseatnexttoNoahandwatchedashecrackedthewhip,causingthehorsestogallopatbreakneckspeeddownthehillandintotown.Peoplewerestandingoutsidetheirhousesinnightclothesandrubbingtheireyes,somehitchinghorsestowagonsandcoaches.
“AttackattheSalvatoreestate!”Noahcalled,overandoveragain,untilhisvoicealmostbroke.IknewIshouldhelp.ButIcouldn’t.Instead,Ifeltfeargripmyheartasthewindwhippedmyface.Iheardtheclip-cloppingofhorsesinthedistance,andsawdoorsbeingflungopenandmoretownspeopleintheirnightclotheshastilygrabbingrifles,bayonets,andanyotherweapontheycouldfind.Aswegallopedthroughtown,Inoticedtheapothecarywasclosedtightly.CouldAnnaandPearlbeathome?Ifso,Ineededtogivethemawarning.
No.Thewordcamesostrongly,itwasasifmyfatherhadwhispereditinmyearhimself.Ineededtomakethingsrightforme,fortheSalvatorename.TheonlypeopleIcaredaboutwereFatherandDamon,andifanythinghappenedtothem…
“AttackattheSalvatoreestate!”Iyelled,myvoicebreaking.
“AttackattheSalvatoreestate!”Noahrepeated,hiswordssoundinglikeachant.Ilookedupatthesky.Themoonwasatinysliver,andcloudsobscuredanyhintofstarlight.Butsuddenly,aswerodeupthehill,IsawVeritaslituplikemorning,withamobofwhatlookedlikeahundredpeoplebrandishingtorchesandstandingonthestepsoftheporch,yelling.
PastorCollinsstoodontheporchswing,callingoutprayers,asseveralpeoplewatchedhim,kneelingonthegroundandpraying.NexttohimwasHonoriaFells,yellingtoanyonewhowouldlistenaboutdemonsandrepentance.OldManRobinsonwasbrandishinghistorchandthreateningtoburndowntheentireestate.
“Stefan!”HonoriacalledasIjumpedoffthewagonbeforeitstopped.“Foryourprotection,”shesaid,profferingabranchofvervain.
“Excuseme,”Icalledhoarsely,asIpushedthroughthehorde,usingmyelbows,andrantothecarriagehouseandupthestairs.Iheardangryvoicesfromthechambers.
“Iwilltakeher!We’llleave,andyouwon’tseeeitherofusagain!”Damon’svoice,aslowandominousasincomingthunder.
“Ungrateful!”Fatherroared,andIheardasickeningcrack.IboundedupthestairsandsawDamon,slumpedagainstthedoorway,atrickleofbloodoozingfromhistemple.ThedoorhadcrackedfromtheimpactofDamon’sbody.
“Damon!”Icalled,fallingontomykneesnexttomybrother.Damontriedtostruggletohisfeet.IwincedasIsawthebloodfloodingfromhistemple.Whenheturnedtowardme,hiseyesblazedwithanger.
Fatherstood,stakeinhand.“Thankyouforgettingthesheriff,Stefan.Youdidtherightthing.Unlikeyourbrother.”Fatherreachedouttowardhim,andIgasped,surehewouldhithimagain.Butinsteadhestretchedouthishand.“Standup,Damon.”
DamonslappedawayFather’shand.Hestoodonhisown,wipingthebloodfromhisheadwiththebackofhishand.
“Damon.Listentome,”Fathercontinued,ignoringthelookofpurehatredonDamon’sface.“Youwerebewitchedbythedemon…bythatKatherine.Butnowshewilldisappearandyoumustsidewithwhat’sright.Ishowedyoumercy,butthesepeople…”Hegesturedtowardthewindowandtheangrymobbeyondit.
“Thenletmebekilled,”Damonhissed,ashestormedoutthedoor.Hebrushedpastme,hittingmehardwithhisshoulderasherandownthestairs.
Frominsidetheroom,anagonizingshriekemerged.
“Sheriff?”Fathercalled,swingingopenthedoortoKatherine’schambers.Igasped.TherewasKatherine,aleathermuzzleoverherface,herwhitearmsandlegsboundtogether.
“She’sready,”Sheriffsaidgrimly.“We’lltakehertothewagonandaddhertothelist.Gilbert’sgotthecompassandisroundingupthevampiresintown.Bydaybreak,wewillhaveridthetownofthisscourge.”
Katherinestaredatme,adesperate,pleadingexpressioninhereyes.ButwhatcouldIdo?Shewaslosttomenow.
Iturneddownthestairsandran.27
Iranoutontothelawn.Firewaseverywhere,andInoticedthattheservants’quartershadburstintoflames.Rightnow,themainhouselookedsafe,butwhoknewhowlongthatwouldlast?Isawglimpsesofflamesinthewoods,andalargegroupconvergedaroundthepolicewagon.ButallIcaredaboutwasfindingDamon.Finally,Ispottedafigurewearingabluecoat,sprintingtowardthepond.Iturnedonmyheelandfollowedhimthroughthefield.“Stefan!”Iheardmynameandstopped,lookingaboutwildly.“Overhere!”IturnedandsawJonathanGilbert,hiseyeswild,standingattheedgeoftheforest,abowandarrowinonehand,hiscompassintheother.Jonathanlookeddownathisinventionalmostindisbelief.“There’savampireintheforest.Mycompassispointing,butIneedhelpwithalookout.”
“Jonathan!”Iyelled,panting.“Ican’t…Ihavetofind…”
Suddenly,Isawaflashofwhitefromtheforest.Jonathanturnedandraisedhisbowtohisshoulder.“Whogoesthere?”hecalled,hisvoiceringinglikeaclarionbell.Instantly,hereleasedthearrow.Isawthebeginningofitsarcasitflungintothedarkness.Thenweheardascream,followedbyathud.
Jonathanranintotheforest,andIheardalong,lowmoan.“Jonathan!”Icalledwildly,thenstoppedshort.IsawJonathankneelingoverapronefigure.Heturneduptome,hiseyesshiningwithtears.
“It’sPearl,”hesaiddully.
Therewasanarrowstuckunderhershoulder.Shemoaned,andhereyesflutteredunderherlids.
“Pearl!”Jonathansaid,angrilythistime,asheroughlyyankedoutthearrow.Iturnedinhorror,notwantingtowatch.
Instead,Iranwithallmymighttowardthepond,hopingagainsthopethatDamonwasstillthere.
“Damon?”Icalledtentatively,asIpickedmywayaroundtreeroots.Myeyestookamomenttoadjusttothewoodeddarknessandrelativequietoftheforest.Isawafigureperchedonafelledtreebranch.“Damon?”Icalledquietly.
Thefigureturnedaround,andIgasped.Damon’sfacewaswhite,andhisdarkhairwasstickingtohisforehead.Thegashathistemplewasborderedbycrustedblood,andthewhitesofhiseyeswerecloudy.
“Youcoward,”hehissed,drawinghisknifefromhispocket.
“No.”Iheldmyhandsupandtookastepback.“Don’thurtme.”
“Don’thurtme!”hemockedinahigh-pitchedvoice.“Iknewyou’dtellFathereventually.Ijustdon’tknowwhyKatherinetrustedyouwithhersecret.Whyshebelievedyouwouldn’tturnherin.Whyshelovedyou.”Hisvoicebrokeonthewordlove,andhedroppedtheknife.Hisfacecrumpledinanguish,andhedidn’tlookdangerousorhateful.Helookedbroken.
“Damon,no.No.No.”Ikeptrepeatingthewordasmymindwhirled.HadKatherinelovedme?Irememberedthemomentsshe’dstareatme,herhandsonmyshoulders.Youmustloveme,Stefan.Tellmewe’llbetogetherforever.Youhavemyheart.I’dalwaysfeltthesamewoozy,headysensationrunningthroughmylimbsanduptomybrain,wantingtodoanythingforher.Butnow,whenIthoughtofhertruenature,allIcoulddowasshudder.“Shedidn’tloveme,”Isaidfinally.She’dcompelledme,andshemademehurteveryoneIloved.Ifelthatredriseupfromthedepthofmysoul,andIwantedtoleadthechargeagainstKatherine.
UntilIlookedatmybrother.
Damonrestedhisheadinhishands,staringattheground.ItwasthenthatIrealized:DamonlovedKatherine.Helovedherdespite,ormaybebecauseof,herdarkside.WhenI’dseenKatherinelyingboundonthefloor,foamingatthemouth,I’dfeltastomach-turningrevulsion.ButDamon’sloveforKatherinetranscendedhercurrentstate.DamonlovedKatherinesomuchthathe’dacceptthevampiresideofher,insteadofpretendingitdidn’texist.Andinordertobetrulyhappy,Damonneededtobewithher.NowIunderstood.IneededtosaveKatherinetosaveDamon.
Inthedistance,wailsandcriesfilledthegunpowder-scentedair.“Damon.Damon.”Irepeatedhisname,eachtimewithanincreasingurgency.Helookedup,andIsawtearsinhiseyes,threateningtospillout.NotsinceMotherdiedhadIseenDamoncry.
“I’llhelpyousaveher.Iknowyouloveher.Iwillhelp.”Ikeptrepeatingthewordhelp,asifitweresomesortofcharm.Please,IpleadedinmymindasIlookedatDamon’seyes.Therewasamomentofsilence.Finally,Damonofferedanalmostimperceptiblenod.
“Okay,”hesaidinaraggedvoice,claspingmywristanddraggingmetotheedgeoftheforest.28
“Weneedtoactnow,”Damonsaidwhenwereachedthelineoftreesnexttothefield.Theforestfloorwasslickwithleaves,andtherewasnosound,notevenofanimals.
I’dspentthelastminutesdesperatelyrackingmybrain,tryingtothinkofsomewaytosaveKatherine.ButIcouldn’t.Ouronlyhopewastoenterthefray,sayaprayerforPearlandAnna,thenfocusonfreeingKatherine.Itwouldbeincrediblydangerous.Buttherewasnootherway.
“Yes,”IrepliedwithanauthorityIdidnotfeel.“Areyouready?”Withoutwaitingforananswer,Ideftlymovedtowardtheforestborder,guidedbythefaintsoundofangryshouting.Icouldseetheoutlineoftheestate.Damoncreptbymyside.SuddenlyIsawalargeburstofflameseruptfromthecarriagehouse.Igasped,butDamonsimplyglaredatme.
Justthen,IheardthestridentvoiceofJonathanGilbert.“Foundanotherone!”
Icreptclosertotheedgeoftheforest,untilIhadafullviewofJonathanslammingHenryfromthetavernagainstthebackofthepolicewagon.Noahheldoneofhisarms,whileanotherguardIdidn’trecognizeheldtheotherone.Jonathanheldouthiscompass,frowning.
“Stakehim!”hesaid.TheguarddrewhisbayonetbackandthrustitintothecenterofHenry’schest.BloodspurtedasHenryshriekedintothenightair.Henryslumpedtohisknees,hiseyeswideandstaringdownatthebayonetlodgedinhisbody.IturnedtowardDamon,bothofusrealizingthatwedidn’thaveanytimetowaste.Damonbithislip,andIknewwewereinthistogether.Eventhoughweoftenacteddifferently,whenitcountedwethoughtthesameway.Maybethat—theshorthandcommunicationwehadasbrothers—wouldbewhatwouldsaveus,andwouldsaveKatherine.
“Vampires!”Iyelledfromthedepthsoftheforest.
“Wefoundone!Help!”Damoncalled.
Instantly,NoahandtheotherguardreleasedtheirgriponHenryandrantowardus,theirbayonetsraised.
“Overthere!”Damonpanted,pointingdeepintotheforestasthetwoguardssteppedcloser.“Therewasaman.Weonlysawadarkshadow,buthetriedtoattackmybrother.”Asiftoillustratehispoint,Damontracedthestickypathofbloodthathadpooledontomycollarbonefrommyneck.Ireachedmyownhandtothatspotinsurprise.I’dforgottenthatKatherinehadbittenme.Itseemedlikealifetimeago.
Thetwoguardslookedateachotherandnoddedtersely.“Youboysshouldn’tbeoutherewithoutweapons.We’vegotsomeinthewagon,”Noahcalled,beforechargingintotheforest.
“Good,”Damonsaid,almostunderhisbreath.“Let’sgo.Andifyouletmedown,I’llkillyou,”hesaid,breakingawaytowardthewagon.Ifollowedhim,movingwhollybyadrenaline.
Wereachedtheunguardedwagon.Lowmoanscamefromtheinside.Damonkickedthebackofthewagonopenandleaptuptotheplatform.Ifollowed,gaggingwhenIentered.Thescentofthewagonwasacrid,acombinationofbloodandvervainandsmoke.Bodieswrithedincorners,butthewagonwaspitch-black,makingitimpossibletotellwhetherthefigureswerevampiresorhumansoracombinationofthetwo.
“Katherine!”Damonhissed,leaningdownandroughlytouchingeachofthebodiesinhissearchforher.
“Stefan?”aweakvoicecalledfromthecorner,andIforcedmyselftonotlashout,tonotspitinthedirectionofthevoice,tonotstareintothosevillainouseyesandtellherIhopedshegotexactlywhatshedeserved.“Damon?”thevoicebroke.
“Katherine.I’mhere,”Damonwhispered,makinghiswaytowardthefarendofthewagon.Icontinuedtostand,asifgluedtothespot.Asmyeyesadjustedtothedimlight,IbeganseeingthingsthatweremoreterriblethananythingI’deverseeninmyworstdreams.Onthefloorofthewagonwerealmostadozenbodies,someofpeoplewhoIrecognizedfromaroundtown.Henry,afewregularsfromthesaloon,andevenDr.Janes.Someofthebodieshadstakesinthem,othershadmuzzlesovertheirmouths,theirhandsandfeetboundandtheirmouthsseeminglyfrozeninwideO’sofhorror;someweresimplycurledupasiftheywerealreadydead.
Thesightchangedme,changedeverything.Itookoffmyhatandkneltdownroughly,prayingtoGodorwhoeverwouldlistentopleasesavethem.IrememberedAnna’skitten-likecries,thedullfearinPearl’seyes.Yes,theycouldn’tlivehere,butwhydidFatherhavetocondonethisbrutaltreatment?Noonedeservedtodielikethis,notevenmonsters.Whycouldn’titbeenoughtosimplyrunthemoutoftown?
Damonkneltdown,andIrushedtowardhisside.Katherinewaslyingonherback,ropesbindingherarmsandlegs.Theropesmusthavebeencoveredwithvervain,becausetherewereterribleburnsonthepatchesofskinthattouchedthetwine.Aleathermaskcoveredherface,andherhairwasmattedwithdriedblood.
Istoodback,notwantingtotouchherorevenlookather,asDamonsettoworkuntyingthemuzzle.Onceshewasfree,Icouldn’thelpbutnoticeherteeth,herfangs,hertruenature,obviousinawayI’dneverseenbefore.ButDamonwasgazingatherasifinatrance.Hegentlybrushedthehairoffherfaceandslowlyleanedintokissherlips
“Thankyou,”saidKatherinesimply.Thatwasit.Andwatchingthem,thewayKatherine’sfingersstrokedDamon’shair,thewayDamoncriedintohercollarbone,Iknewthatthiswastruelove.Astheycontinuedtogazeintoeachother’seyes,Ipulledmyknifeoutofmypocketandgentlytriedtocuttheropesthatboundher.Iworkedslowlyandcarefully,knowingthatanyadditionalcontactwiththeropeswouldcauseherevenmorepain.
“Hurry!”Damonwhispered,sittingonhisheelsashewatchedmework.
Ifreedonearm,thenanother.Katherinesighedshakily,shrugginghershouldersupanddownasiftomakesuretheystillworked.
“Help!”criedapale,thinwomanIdidn’trecognize.Shewashuddledintheverybackofthewagon.
“We’llbeback,”Isaid,lyingthroughmyteeth.Wewouldn’tbeback.DamonandKatherinehadtoescape,andIhadto…well,Ihadtohelpthem.
“Stefan?”Katherinesaidweaklyasshestruggledtoherfeet.Damoninstantlyrushedtohersideandsupportedherfragilebody.
Justthen,Iheardfootfallsnearthewagon.
“Escape!”oneoftheguardscalled.“Weneedbackup.There’sbeenabreachinthewagon!”
“Run!”Icalled,pushingDamonandKatherineintheoppositedirectionoftheguard.
“Noescape!Allclear!”Ishoutedintothedarkness,hopingthatpeoplewouldbelievemeasIhoppedoffthewagon.
IsawtheexplosionofgunpowderbeforeIheardtheshot.Aloudwailrentthenightair,followedquicklybyanotherboomingshot.Heartinmythroat,Iranaroundthewagon,alreadyknowingwhatI’dsee.
“Damon!”Icried.Helayontheground,bloodoozingfromhisgut.Yankingoffmyshirt,Iputthelinenonthewoundtostanchthebleeding.Iknewitwasnouse,butstillIheldthefabrictohischest.“Don’tshutyoureyes,brother.Staywithme.”
“No…Katherine.Saveher…,”Damonrasped,hisheadfloppingtowardthedampground.Iglanced,wild-eyed,fromthetrucktothewoods.Thetwoguardsweresprintingback,JonathanGilbertbehindthem.
Istoodup,andinstantlymybodywasmetwiththeexplosive,piercing,agonizinghitofabullet.Ifeltmychestexploding,feltthecoolnightairwhooshpastmybodyasIfellback,ontomybrother.Iopenedmyeyesandlookedupatthemoon,andtheneverythingfadedtoblack.29
WhenInextopenedmyeyes,IknewIwasdead.Butthisdeathwasn’tthedeathofmynightmares,withblacknothingnessallaround.Instead,Icouldsmellthefarawayscentofafire,feelroughearthbeneathmybody,couldfeelmyhandsrestingbymysides.Ididn’tfeelpain.Ididn’tfeelanything.Theblacknessenvelopedmeinawaythatwasalmostcomforting.Wasthiswhathellwas?Ifso,itwasnothinglikethehorrorandmayhemoflastnight.Itwasquiet,peaceful.
Itentativelymovedmyarm,surprisedwhenmyhandtouchedstraw.Ipushedmyselfuptoasittingposition,surprisedthatIstillhadabody,surprisedthatnothinghurt.IlookedaroundandrealizedthatIwasn’tsuspendedinnothingness.Tomyleftweretherough-hewnslatsofawallofadarkshack.IfIsquinted,Icouldseeskybetweenthecracks.Iwassomewhere,butwhere?Myhandflutteredtomychest.Irememberedtheshotringingout,thesoundofmybodythuddingtotheground,thewayIwasproddedwithbootsandsticks.Thewaymyhearthadstoppedbeatingandtherehadbeenacheerthatroseupbeforeeverythingwasquiet.Iwasdead.Sothen…
“Hello?”Icalledhoarsely.
“Stefan,”awoman’svoicesaid.Ifeltahandbehindmyback.IrealizedIwaswearingasimple,faded,bluecottonshirtandtanlinenpants,clothesIdidn’trecognizeasmyown.Andthoughtheywereold,theywereclean.Istruggledtostand,butthesmall,yetsurprisinglystrong,handheldmedownbymyshoulder.“You’vehadalongnight.”
Iblinked,andasmyeyesadjustedtothelight,IrealizedthatthevoicebelongedtoEmily.
“You’realive,”Isaidinwonderment.
Shelaughed,alow,lazychuckle.“Ishouldbesayingthattoyou.Howareyoufeeling?”sheasked,bringingatincupofwatertomylips.
Idrank,allowingthecoolliquidtotrickledownmythroat.I’dnevertastedanythingsopure,sogood.ItouchedmyneckwhereKatherinehadbitme.Itfeltcleanandsmooth.Ihastilyyankedtheshirtopen,poppingseveralbuttonsintheprocess.Mychestwassmooth,nohintofabulletwound.
“Keepdrinking,”Emilycluckedinawayamothermightdotoherchild.
“Damon?”Iaskedroughly.
“He’soutthere.”Emilypointedherchintothedoor.Ifollowedhergazeoutside,whereIsawashadowyfiguresittingbythewater’sedge.“He’srecovering,justasyouare.”
“Buthow…”
“Noticeyourring.”Emilytappedmyhand.Onmyringfingerwasagleaminglapis-lazulistone,insetinsilver.“It’saremedyandaprotection.Katherinehadmemakeitforyouthenightshemarkedyou.”
“Markedme,”Irepeateddumbly,onceagaintouchingmyneck,thenallowingmyfingerstodroptothesmoothstoneofthering.
“Markedyoutobelikeher.You’realmostavampire,Stefan.You’rewellintothetransformation,”Emilysaid,asifshewereadoctordiagnosingapatientwithaterminalillness.
InoddedasifIunderstoodwhatEmilywassaying,eventhoughitmightaswellhavebeenacompletelydifferentlanguage.Transformation?
“Whofoundme?”Iasked,startingwiththequestionIcaredleastabout.
“Idid.Aftertheshotswerefiredonyouandyourbrother,everyoneran.Thehouseburneddown.Peopledied.Notjustvampires.”Emilyshookherhead,herfacedeeplytroubled.“Theybroughtallthevampirestothechurchandburnedthemthere.Includingher,”Emilysaid,hertoneimpossibletocomprehend.
“Didshemakemeavampire,then?”Iasked,touchingmyneck.
“Yes.Butinordertocompletethetransition,youmustfeed.It’sachoiceyouhavetomake.Katherinehadthepowerofdestructionanddeath,butevenshehadtoallowhervictimsthatchoice.”
“ShekilledRosalyn.”IknewitinthesamewayI’dknownDamonlovedKatherine.Itwasasifacloudhadlifted,onlytorevealmoreblackness.
“Shedid,”Emilysaid,herfaceinscrutable.“Butthathasnothingtodowithwhathappens.Ifyouchoose,youcanfeedandcompletethetransition,orletyourself…”
“Die?”
Emilynodded.
Ididn’twanttofeed.Ididn’twantKatherine’sbloodinsideme.AllIwantedwastogobackseveralmonths,beforeI’deverheardthenameKatherinePierce.MyhearttwistedinagonyforallI’dlost.Buttherewassomeonewho’dlostmore.
Asifshe’dreadmymind,Emilyhelpedmetomyfeet.Shewastiny,butstrong.Istoodupandshakilywalkedoutside.
“Brother!”Icalled.Damonturned,hiseyesshining.Thewaterreflectedtherisingsun,andsmokebillowedthroughthetreesinthedistance.Buttheclearingwaseerilyquietandpeaceful,harkeningbacktoanearlier,simplertime.
Damondidn’tanswer.AndbeforeIevenrealizedwhatIwasdoing,Iwalkedtotheedgeofthewater.Withoutbotheringtotakeoffmyclothes,Idovein.Icameupforairandbreathedout,butmymindstillfeltdarkanddirty.
Damonstareddownatmefromthewater’sedge.“Thechurchburned.Katherinewasinside,”hesaidtonelessly.
“Yes.”Ididn’tfeelsatisfactionorsadness.Ijustfeltdeep,deepsorrow.Formyself,forDamon,forRosalyn,foreveryonewho’dgottencaughtinthiswebofdestruction.Fatherhadbeenright.Thereweredemonswhowalkedtheearth,andifyoudidn’tfightthem,thenyoubecameone.
“Doyouknowwhatweare?”Damonaskedbitterly.
Welockedeyes,andinstantlyIrealizedthatIdidn’twanttolivelikeKatherine.Ididn’twanttoseethesunlightonlywiththeaidoftheringonmyfinger.Ididn’twanttoalwaysgazeatahuman’sneckasifcontemplatingmynextfeeding.Ididn’twanttoliveforever.
Iduckeddownunderthesurfaceofthewaterandopenedmyeyes.Thepondwasdarkandcool,justliketheshack.Ifthiswaswhatdeathwas,itwasn’tbad.Itwaspeaceful.Quiet.Therewasnopassion,butalsonodanger.
Isurfacedandpushedmyhairoffmyface,myborrowedclotheshangingoffmysoakedlimbs.EventhoughIknewwhatmyfatewas,Ifeltremarkablyalive.“ThenI’lldie.”
Damonnodded,hiseyesdullandlistless.“There’snolifewithoutKatherine.”
Iclimbedoutofthewaterandhuggedmybrother.Hisbodyfeltwarm,real.Damonbrieflyreturnedmyembrace,thenhuggedhiskneesagain,hisgazefixedonaspotfarawayfromthewater’sedge.
“Iwantitdone,”Damonsaid,standingupandwalkingfartherawaytowardthequarry.Iwatchedhisretreatingback,rememberingthetimewhenIwaseightorninethatmyfatherandIhadgonebuckhunting.Itwasrightaftermymotherhaddied,andwhileDamonhadimmersedhimselfinschoolboyanticslikegamblingandridinghorses,I’dclungtomyfather.Oneday,tocheermeup,Fathertookmetothewoodswithourrifles.
We’dspentoveranhourtrackingabuck.FatherandIheadeddeeperanddeeperintotheforest,watchingtheanimal’severymove.Finally,wewereinaspotwherewesawthebuckbowingdown,eatingfromaberrybush.
“Shoot,”Fathermurmured,guidingmyrifleovermyshoulder.ItrembledasIkeptmyeyeonthedeerandreachedforthetrigger.ButatthemomentIreleasedthetrigger,ababydeerscamperedintothefield.Thebucksprintedaway,andthebullethitthefawninthebelly.Itswobblylegscrumpledbeneathit,anditfelltotheground.
I’druntotrytohelpit,butFatherhadstoppedme,holdingontomyshoulder
“Animalsknowwhenit’stimetodie.Let’satleastallowitthepeacetodoitalone,”Fathersaid,forciblymarchingmeaway.I’dwailed,buthewasrelentless.Now,watchingDamon,Iunderstood.Damonwasthesameway.
“Good-bye,brother,”Iwhispered.30
ThoughDamonwantedtodiealone,Ihadunfinishedbusinesstoattendto.Imademywayfromthequarryandbegantowalkbacktotheestate.Thewoodssmelledlikesmoke,andtheleaveswerestartingtoturn.TheycrunchedunderthewornbootsIhadonmyfeet,andIrememberedallthetimesDamonandIhadplayedhide-and-seekaschildren.Iwonderedifhehadanyregrets,orifhefeltasemptyasIdid.Iwonderedifwe’dseeeachotherinHeaven,beingaswewere.Iwalkedtowardthehouse.Thecarriagehousewascharredandburned,itsbeamsexposedlikeaskeleton.Severalofthestatuesaroundthelabyrinthwerebroken,andtorchesanddebrislitteredtheonce-lushlawn.Buttheporchlightatthemainhousewason,andabuggystoodatattentionbeneaththeportico.
Iwalkedaroundthebackandheardvoicescomingfromtheporch.Immediately,Idoveunderthehedges.Hiddenbytheleaves,IcrawledonmyhandsandkneesagainstthewalluntilIcametothebaywindowthatlookedintotheporch.Peeringin,Imadeouttheshadowofmyfather.Asinglecandlecastweakbeamsoflightaroundtheroom,andInoticedthatAlfredwasn’tinhisnormalspotsittingatthedoor,readytoinstantlygreetguests.Iwonderedifanyoftheservantshadbeenkilled.
“Morebrandy,Jonathan?Lacedwithvervain.Notthatweneedtoworryanymore,”Fathersaid,hiswordsfloatingoutthedoor.
“Thankyou,Giuseppe.Andthankyouforhavingmehere.Irealizeyouhavemuchonyourmind,”answeredJonathansomberly,asheacceptedthetumbler.IsawtheconcernetchedonJonathan’sface,andmyheartwentouttohimfortheterribletruthhe’dhadtolearnaboutPearl.
“Yes.Thankyou,”Fathersaid,wavingoffthethought.“Butit’simportantthatweendthissadchapterofourtown’shistory.ItistheonethingIwanttodoformysons.Afterall,IdonotwanttheSalvatorelegacytobethatofdemonsympathizers.”Fatherclearedhisthroat.“SothebattleofWillowCreekhappenedwhenagroupofUnioninsurgentsmountedanattackontheConfederatecamp,”hebeganinhissonorousbaritonevoice,asiftellingastory.
“AndStefanandDamonhidoutinthewoodstoseeiftheycouldfindanyroguesoldiers,andatthatpoint…,”Jonathancontinued.
“Atthatpointtheyweretragicallykilled,justlikethetwenty-threeothercivilianswhodiedfortheircountryandtheirbeliefs.ItwasaConfederatevictory,butitcameatthecostofinnocentlives,”Fathersaid,raisinghisvoiceasiftomakehimselfbelievethestoryhewasweaving.
“Yes.AndI’llspeakwiththeHagertysaboutcreatingamonument.Somethingtoacknowledgethisterribleperiodinourtown’shistory,”Jonathanmurmured.
Iraisedmyselfuponmyknees,peekingthroughaspotatthecornerofthewindow.IsawFathernoddinginsatisfaction,andcoldseepedthroughmyveins.Sothiswasthelegacyofmydeath—thatIwaskilledbyabandofdegeneratesoldiers.NowIknewIneededtospeaktoFathermorethanever.Heneededtohearthewholetruth,toknowthatDamonandIweren’tsympathizers,toknowthattheproblemcouldhavebeencuredwithoutsomuchbloodshedandviolence.
“ButGiuseppe…?”Jonathanasked,takingalongdrinkfromhistumbler.
“Yes,Jonathan?”
“Itisatriumphantmomentinourtown’shistory.Thevampiresaredestroyed,andtheirbodieswillturntodust.Weridthetownofthescourge,andthankstotheburningofthechurch,itwillnevercomeback.Therewerehardchoicesandheroism,butwewon.Thatisyourlegacy,”Jonathansaidasheslammedhisledgerclosedwithadefinitivethump.
Fathernoddedanddrainedhisowntumbler,thenstoodup.“Thankyou,”hesaid,holdingouthishand.Iwatchedasthetwomenshookhands,thenwatchedasJonathandisappearedintotheshadowsofthehouse.Amomentlater,Iheardhiscarriagebeinghitchedandthehorsesridingaway.Icrawledtotheedgeofthehedgerow.Istoodup,mykneescreaking,andwalkedthroughthedoorandintothehousethatwasoncemine.31
Icreptthroughthehouse,cringingeverytimemyfoothitaloosefloorboardoracreakycorner.Fromthelightatthefarendofthehouse,IcouldtellFatherhadleftthesittingroomandwasalreadyinhisstudy,nodoubtwritingdowntherecordheandJonathanhadconcoctedinhisownjournal.Istoodinthedoorframeandwatchedhimforamoment.Hishairwassnow-white,andIsawagespotsonhishands.DespitetheliesI’dheardearlier,myheartwentouttohim.Herewasamanwho’dneverknownaneasylifeandwho,afterburyingawife,nowhadtoburytwosons.
Itookasteptowardhim,andFather’sheadjerkedupward.
“DearGod…,”hesaid,droppinghispentothefloorwithaclatter.
“Father,”Isaid,holdingoutmyhandstohim.Hestoodup,hiseyesdartingwildly.
“It’sokay,”Isaidgently.“Ijustwanttotalkwithyou.”
“You’redead,Stefan,”Fathersaidslowly,stillgapingatme.
Ishookmyhead.“WhateveryouthinkofDamonandme,youhavetoknowthatwedidn’tbetrayyou.”
ThefearonFather’sfaceabruptlyturnedtofury.“Youdidbetrayme.Notonlydidyoubetrayme,youbetrayedthewholetown.Youshouldbedead,afterthewayyou’veshamedme.”
Iwatchedhim,angerrisingupinsideme.“Eveninourdeath,youfeelonlyshame?”Iasked.ItwassomethingDamonwouldsay,andinaway,Ifelthispresencebesideme.Iwasdoingthisforhim.Iwasdoingitforbothofus,sothatatleastwe’ddiewithtruthonourside.
ButFatherwasbarelylistening.Instead,hewasstaringatme.“You’reoneofthemnow.Isn’tthatright,Stefan?”Fathersaid,backingawayfromme,slowly,asifIwereabouttolungeandattackhim.
“No.No.I’llneverbeoneofthem.”Ishookmyhead,hopingagainsthopethatFatherwouldbelieveme.
“Butyouare.Iwatchedyoubleedandtakeyourlastbreath.Ileftyoufordead.AndnowIseeyouhere.Youareoneofthem,”Fathersaid,hisbacknowagainstthebrickwall.
“Yousawmegetshot?”Iaskedinconfusion.Irememberedthevoices.Thechaos.Vampirebeingyelledoverandoveragaininthedarkness.FeelingNoahpullmeoffDamon.Everythingfadingtoblack.
“Ipulledthetriggermyself.Ipulleditonyou,andIpulleditonDamon.Andapparentlyitwasn’tenough,”Fathersaid.“NowIneedtofinishthejob,”hesaid,hisvoiceascoldasice.
“Youkilledyourownsons?”Iasked,angerofmyowncoursingthroughmyveins
Fathersteppedtowardmemenacingly,andeventhoughhethoughtIwasamonster,Iwastheonewhofeltfear.“Youwerebothdeadtomeassoonasyousidedwiththevampires.Andnow,tocomeinhereandaskforgiveness,asifwhatyoudidcouldbeexcusedwithanI’msorry.No.No.”Fathersteppedawayfromhisdeskandwalkedtowardme,hiseyesstilldartingtotheleftandtheright,exceptthatnowitwasasifhewerethehunter,ratherthanahuntedanimal.“Youknow,it’sablessingyourmotherdiedbeforeshecouldseewhatadisgraceyou’vebecome.”
“Ihaven’tturnedyet.Idon’twantto.Icametosaygood-bye.I’mgoingtodie,Father.Youdidwhatyousetouttodo.Youkilledme,”Isaid.Tearssprangfrommyeyes.“Itdidn’thavetobethisway,Father.That’swhatyouandJonathanGilbertshouldwriteinyourfalsehistory,thatitdidn’thavetobethisway.”
“Thisisthewayithastobe,”Fathersaid,lungingforacanethathekeptinalargevaseinthecorneroftheroom.Swiftly,hebrokeitintwoonthefloorandheldthelong,jaggedendouttowardme.
Quickly,withoutthinking,IsidesteppedFatherandyankedhisfreearmback,sendinghimtumblingsidewaysagainstthebrickwall.
Fatherscreamedinanguishashehitthefloor.AndthenIsawit.Thestakewasprotrudingfromhisstomach,bloodspurtinginalldirections.Iblanched,feelingmystomachrisetomychestandbilefillmythroat.
“Father!”Irushedovertohimandbentdown.“Ididn’tmeanto.Father…,”Igasped.Igrabbedthestakeandyankeditoutofhisabdomen.Fathershrieked,andimmediatelybloodgushedlikeageyserfromthewound.Iwatched,horrified,butalsoentranced.Thebloodwassored,sodeep,sobeautiful.Itwasasifitwerecallingtome.ItwasasifI’ddiethatsecondifIdidn’thavetheblood.Andso,unbidden,Imovedmyhandtothewoundandbroughtmycuppedhandtomylips,tastingtheliquidasittouchedmygums,mytongue,andmythroat.
“Getawayfromme!”Fatherhoarselywhispered,pushinghimselfawayuntilhisentirebackwaspressedagainstthewall.Hescratchedmyhandinanefforttobatitawayfromthewound,thenslumpedagainstthewall,hiseyesclosing.
“I…,”Ibegan,butthenfeltashooting,stabbingpaininmymouth.ItwasworsethanwhatIrememberedaboutbeingshot.Itwasafeelingoftightness,followedbythesensationofamillionneedlesstickingintomyflesh.
“Getaway…,”Fatherbreathed,coveringhisfacewithhishandsashestruggledforair.Ipulledmyownhandsfrommymouthandranmyfingersovermyteeth,whichhadbecomesharpandpointed.ThenIrealized:Iwasoneofthemnow.
“Father,drinkfromme.Icansaveyou!”Isaidurgently,reachingdownandpullinghimuptoasittingpositionagainstthewall.Itookmywristandbroughtittomymouth,allowingmynewlyknife-sharpteethtoeasilyriptheskin.Iflinched,thenheldthewoundtowardFather,whobackedaway,bloodcontinuingtogushfromhiswound.
“Icanfixyou.Ifyoudrinkthisblood,itwillhealyourwounds.Please?”Ibegged,lookingintoFather’seyes.
“I’dratherdie,”Fatherpronounced.Amomentlaterhiseyesflutteredshutandslumpedbackonthefloor,apoolofbloodformingaroundhisbody.Iplacedmyhandonhisheart,feelingitslowuntilitstopped.32
Iturnedmybacktotheestateandbeganwalking,thenrunning,onthedirtroadintotown.Somehow,Ifeltthatmyfeetbarelytouchedtheground.Iranfasterandfaster,butmybreathstayedthesame.IfeltthatIcouldrunlikethisforever,andIwantedto,becauseeverystepwastakingmefartherandfartherawayfromthehorrorsI’dwitnessed
Itriednottothink,triedtoblockthememoriesfrommymind.InsteadIfocusedonthelighttouchoftheearthasIquicklyplacedonefootinfrontoftheother.Inoticedthateveninthedarkness,Icouldseethewaythemistshimmeredonthefewleavesthatstillclungtothetrees.Icouldhearthebreathofsquirrelsandrabbitsastheyscamperedthroughtheforest.Ismelledironeverywhere.
ThedirtroadchangedintocobblestoneasIenteredtown.Gettingtotownseemedtohavetakennotimeatall,thoughnormallyItraversedthesamedistanceinnolessthananhour.Islowedtoastop.MyeyesstungasIglancedslowlyfromlefttoright.Thetownsquarelookeddifferentsomehow.Insectscrawledinthedirtbetweenthecobblestones.PaintflakedoffthewallsoftheLockwoodmansion,thoughithadbeenbuiltonlyafewyearsago.Therewasdisrepairanddecayineverything.
Mostpervasivewasthesmellofvervain.Itwaseverywhere.Butinsteadofbeingvaguelypleasant,thescentwasall-consumingandmademefeeldizzyandnauseated.Theonlythingthatcounteredthecloyingscentwastheheadysmellofiron.
Iinhaleddeeply,suddenlyknowingthattheonlyremedyagainstthevervain-inducedweaknesswasinthatscent.EveryfiberofmybodyscreamedthatIhadtofindthesourceofit,hadtonourishmyself.Ilookedaround,hungrily,myeyesrapidlyscanningfromthesaloondownthestreettothemarketattheendoftheblock.Nothing.
Isniffedtheairagain,andrealizedthatthescent—theglorious,awful,damningscent—wascomingcloser.IwhirledaroundandsuckedinmybreathasIsawAlice,theprettyyoungbarmaidfromthetavern,walkingdownthestreet.Shewashummingtoherselfandwalkingunevenly,nodoubtbecauseshe’dsampledsomeofthewhiskeyshe’dbeenservingallnight.Herhairwasaredflameagainstherpaleskin.Shesmelledwarmandsweet,likeironandwoodsmokeandtobacco.
Shewastheremedy.
Istoleintotheshadowsofthetreesthatflankedthestreet.Iwasshockedbyhowloudshewas.Herhumming,herbreathing,eachunevenfootfallregisteredinmyear,andIcouldn’thelpbutwonderwhyshewasn’twakingupeveryoneintown.
Finally,shepassedby,hercurvescloseenoughtotouch.Ireachedout,grabbingherbyherhips.Shegasped.
“Alice,”Isaid,myvoiceechoinghollowlyinmyears.“It’sStefan.”
“StefanSalvatore?”shesaid,herpuzzlementquicklyturningtofear.Shetrembled.“B-butyou’redead.”
Icouldsmellthewhiskeyonherbreath,couldseeherpaleneck,withblueveinsrunningbeneathherskin,andpracticallyswooned.ButIdidn’ttouchherwithmyteeth.Notyet.Isavoredthefeelingofherinmyarms,thesweetreliefthatwhatI’dspentthelastmomentsinsatiablycravingwasrightinmyhands.
“Shhh…,”Imurmured.“Everythingwillbeallright.”
Iallowedmylipstograzeherwhiteskin,marvelingathowsweetandfragrantitwas.Theanticipationwasexquisite.Then,whenIcouldn’ttakeitanymore,Icurledmylipsandplungedmyteethintoherneck.Herbloodrushedagainstmyteeth,mygums,spurtingintomybody,bringingwithitwarmthandstrengthandlife.Isuckedhungrily,pausingonlywhenAlicewentlimpinmyarmsandherheartbeatslowedtoadullthud.Iwipedmymouthandlookeddownatherunconsciousbody,admiringmyhandiwork:twoneatholesinherneck,justafewcentimetersindiameter.
Shewasn’tdeadyet,butIknewshewouldbesoon.
IslungAliceovermyshoulder,barelyfeelingtheweightandbarelyfeelingmyfeethitthegroundasIranthroughtown,intothewoods,andbacktothequarry.33
PalemoonlightdancedoverAlice’sbrighthairasIrushedtowardtheshack.Iranmytongueovermystill-sharpfangs,relivingthesensationofmyteethpressingintoherpliant,yieldingneck.
“You’reamonster,”avoicesomewhereinmymindwhispered.Butinthecloakofdarkness,withAlice’sbloodcoursingthroughmyveins,thewordsheldnomeaningandwereaccompaniedbynostingofguilt.
Iburstintotheshack.Itwasquiet,butthefirewaswell-tendedandburnedbrightly.Iwatchedtheflames,momentarilyentrancedbytheviolets,blacks,blues,andevengreenswithin.ThenIheardafaintbreathinthecorneroftheroom
“Damon?”Icalled,myvoiceechoingsoloudlyagainsttherough-hewnbeamsthatIwinced.Iwasstillinhuntingmode.
“Brother?”
Imadeoutafigurehunchedunderablanket.IobservedDamonfromadistance,asifIwereastranger.Hisdarkhairwasmattedtohisneck,andhehadstreaksofgrimealonghisface.Hislipswerechapped,hiseyesbloodshot.Theairaroundhimsmelledacrid—likedeath.
“Getup!”Isaidroughly,droppingAlicetotheground.Heralmost-lifelessbodyfellheavily.Herredhairwasmattedwithblood,andhereyeswerehalfclosed.BloodpooledaroundthetwoneatholeswhereI’dbittenher.IlickedmylipsbutforcedmyselftoleavetherestofherforDamon.
“What?Whathaveyou…”Damon’sgazeshiftedfromAlicetome,thenbacktoAlice.“Youfed?”heasked,shrinkingevenfartherintothecornerandcoveringhiseyeswithhishands,asifhecouldsomehowerasetheimage.
“Ibroughtherforyou.Damon,youneedtodrink,”Iurged,kneelingdownnexttohim.
Damonshookhishead.“No.No,”herasped,hisbreathlaboredashedrewnearertodeath.
“Justputyourlipstoherneck.It’seasy,”Icoaxed.
“Iwon’tdoit,brother.Takeheraway,”hesaid,leaningagainstthewallandclosinghiseyes.
Ishookmyhead,alreadyfeelingagnawinghungerinmybelly.“Damon,listentome.Katherineisgone,butyou’realive.Watchme.Watchhowsimpleitis,”IsaidasIcarefullyfoundtheoriginalwoundIhadmadeonAlice’sneck.Isunkmyteethbackintotheholesanddrank.Thebloodwascold,butstillitsatedme.IlookeduptowardDamon,notbotheringtowipethebloodawayfrommymouth.“Drink,”Iurged,pullingAlice’sbodyalongthefloorsoitwaslyingnexttoDamon.IgrabbedDamon’sbackandforcedhimtowardherbody.Hestartedtofight,thenstopped,hiseyestransfixedonthewound.Ismiled,knowinghowbadlyhewantedit,howhecouldsmelltheoverpoweringscentofdesire.
“Don’tfightit.”Ipushedhisbacksothathislipsweremereinchesfromthebloodandheldhimthere.Ifelthimtakeadeepbreath,andIknewhewasalreadyregainingstrength,justfromseeingtheredrichness,thepossibilityoftheblood.“It’sjustusnow.Forever.Brothers.TherewillbeotherKatherines,forever,foreternity.Wecantakeontheworldasweare.”Istopped,followingDamon’sgazetowardAlice’sneck.Thenhelungedandtookalong,deepdrink.34
IwatchedinsatisfactionasDamonlustilydrank,histentativesipsbecominggulpsasheheldhisfacedowntoAlice’sneck.AsAlice’snearlylifelessbodygrewwhite,ahealthyflushroseinDamon’scheeks.
AsDamondrankthelastdropsofAlice’sblood,Itookafewstepsoutsidetheshack.Iglancedaroundinwonder.Justlastnight,theareahadseemeddesolate,butnowIrealizedthatitteemedwithlife—thescentofanimalsintheforest,theflapofbirdsoverhead,thesoundofDamon’sandmyheartbeats.Thisspot—thiswholeworld—wasfullofpossibility.
Myringglimmeredinthemoonlight,andIbroughtittomylips.Katherinehadgivenmeeternallife.Fatheralwayshadtoldustofindourpower,tofindourplaceintheworld.AndIhad,thoughFatherhadn’tbeenabletoacceptit.
Itookadeepbreath,andthecopperyscentofbloodfilledmynostrils.IturnedasDamonsteppedoutfromtheshack.Heseemedtallerandstrongerthanevenafewmomentsago.Inoticedthathehadamatchingringonhismiddlefinger.
“Howdoyoufeel?”Iasked,waitingforhimtoseeeverythingIsaw.
Damonturnedawayfrommeandwalkedtowardthewater.Hekneltdownandcuppedtheliquidtohismouth,washingawaytheremnantsofbloodonhislips.
Icrouchednexttohimattheedgeofthepond.
“Isn’titamazing?”Iasked.“It’sawholenewworld,andit’sours.Forever!”Isaid,giddy.DamonandIwouldneverhavetogrowolder.Neverhavetodie.
“You’reright,”Damonsaidslowly,asifhewerespeakinginanunfamiliarlanguage.
“We’llexploreittogether.Justthink.WecangotoEurope,exploretheworld,getawayfromVirginiaandmemories….”Itouchedhisshoulder.
Damonturnedtofaceme,hiseyeswide.Isteppedback,suddenlyfearful.Therewassomethingdifferentabouthim,aforeignnessinhisdarkeyes.
“Areyouhappynow,brother?”Damonsnortedderisively.
Itookasteptowardhim.“You’dratherbedeadthanhavethiswholeworldforthetaking?Youshouldbethankingme!”
Furyflashedinhiseyes.“Thankingyou?IneveraskedyoutomakemylifeahellfromwhichIcan’tescape,”hesaid,spittingeachwordintothepond.SuddenlyhepulledmeintoahugwithsuchstrengththatIgasped.“Buthearthis,brother,”hehissedinmyear.“Thoughwewillbetogetherforaneternity,Iwillmakeaneternityofmiseryforyou.”Withthat,hereleasedmefromhisgripandsprintedintothedarkforest.
Ashisformdisappearedintotheblackshadowsofthetrees,asinglecrowrosefromthewoods.Itletoutaplaintiveshriek,andthenitwasgone.
Suddenly,inaworldthatmeremomentsagohadteemedwithpossibility,Iwasutterlyalone.EPILOGUE
October1864
WhenItrytoreconstructthatmomentwhenIsuccumbedtomyPoweranddestroyedmyrelationshipwithDamon,Iimagineasplitsecondofsilence.Inthatsecond,Damonturnedaround,oureyesconnected,andwemadepeace.Buttherewasnosilence,norwouldthereeverbeagain.NowIconstantlyheartherustlingofanimalsintheforest,thequickeningofbreaththatoccurswhenanybeingknowsdangerisnear,thepitter-patter-pauseofaheartstopping.Ialsohearmythoughts,tumblingandcollidingagainsteachotherlikeoceanwaves.
IfonlyIhadn’tbeenweakwhenKatherinestaredintomyeyes.IfonlyIhadn’tgonebacktoseeFather.IfonlyIhadn’tmadeDamondrink.
ButIdid.Thefalloutofthosechoicesisamantlethatonlygrowsdarkerandmorenuancedwithage.AndImustlivewiththeconsequencesofmymisdeedsforeternity.LUSTINGAFTERMOREOFSTEFAN’SDIARIES?
TURNTHEPAGEFORASNEAKPEEKOFBLOODLUST,COMINGJANUARY2011.1
ItwasOctober.Theleavesonthetreesinthecemeteryhadturnedadecayedbrown,andacoldbreezehadwhistledin,replacingthestiflingheatofVirginiasummer.NotthatImuchfeltit.Asavampire,theonlytemperaturemybodyregisteredwasthatofthehotbloodfrommylatestvictimcoilingthroughmyveins.Istoodbeneaththelimbsofalargeoak,alightmistswirlingaroundmyankles,myshirtandhandsstickywiththefreshbloodofthegirlIcarriedinmyarms.Mybrother,Damon,layproneatthebaseofthetree,hisblackeyesstaringblanklyupatme.
IthadbeendayssinceI’dlastforcedhimtofeed.Hisbodyhadtakenonachalkytexture,bloodvesselstwistingdarklyunderhisskinlikecracks.Evennow,asIdroppedthenearlydeadgirlathisfeet,Ihadtodrapehisrightarmacrossherstomachtokeephimfromrollingoverontohisback.Wereitnotforthebloodthathadpurpledherdress,theywouldhavelookedliketwoloversholdingeachother.
“IhateyouwitheverythingIam,”hewhisperedintoherear,thoughIknewhiswordsweremeantforme.Shestirredbutdidn’topenhereyes.
“Youneedyourstrength,”Isaid.“Drink.”
Hebreathedinandhisshoulderswentlimp.Themetallicscentofherbloodhungheavyintheairaroundus.
“Thatisn’tstrength,”hesaid,hiseyesflutteringshut.“It’sweakness.”
“Stefan…”
Thisfromthegirl,ClementineHaverford,whoreachedatremblinghandouttome,herownsweetbloodglisteninglikeasilkglovearoundherfingers.Lastsummer,ClementineandIkissedintheshadowsoftheWickeryBridgeafteroneofthegamesDamonhaddreamedupforus.She’dallowedmyhandtograzethebodiceofherbluemuslindress.Ikneeleddownandtuckedafewloosestrandsofhairbehindherear.AvoicesomewhereinmymindtoldmethatIshouldfeelregretovertakingherlife,butIfeltnothing.
“You’reamonster,”Damonsaid,keepinghislipsasfaraspossiblefromthebloodthatseepedfromClementine’sneck.
“Foreverisalongtimetodenywhatyouare,”Itoldhim.
Fromwherewecrouchedinthehemlockgrove,Icouldseemyoldneighborsmillingaroundstonegravemarkersintheverycenterofthecemetery.Myheightenedvampiresensesallowedmetopickthroughthecrowdoftownspeople.HonoriaFellssniffedintoalacehandkerchief.SheriffForbeskepthishandonhisholster.JonathanGilbertclearedhisthroatandflickedopenapocketwatch.Myheadthrobbedwitheverywhisper,liketheworldwasbreathingsecretsdirectlyintomyeardrums.
MayorLockwoodstoodseparatefromtheothers,eulogizingourfather,GiuseppeSalvatore—themanwhohadkilledmeandDamon,hisonlyfamily,incoldblood.Fatherbelievedvampirestobeutterly,unredeemablyevil,andsohecondemnedustodeathfortryingtosaveKatherinePierce,thevampirewithwhomwe’dbothfalleninlove—thevampirewho’dchangedustobelikeher.
Lockwood’svoiceslicedthroughtheraindropsthathadjustbeguntofall.“WecometogethertodaytosayfarewelltooneofMysticFalls’greatestsons,GiuseppeSalvatore,amanforwhomtownandfamilyalwayscamebeforeself.”
Theystoodbeforeagapingholeintheearth.FatherwouldbewearingthesuitheworetochurchonSundays,theblackone.WiththewidelapelsthatcametogetherjustatthepointwhereI’daccidentallycuthimopenwhenhecameatmewithastake.Icouldjustmakeoutthewingedfigureabovehim,theangelstatuethatmarkedmymother’sfinalrestingplace.Twoemptyplotslayjustbeyond,whereDamonandIshouldhavebeenburied.
“Itshan’tbepossibletopicturethishero’slife,”Lockwoodcontinued,“butinaportraitinwhichGiuseppeisflankedbyhistwofallensons,heroesoftheBattleofWillowCreek.”
Damonletoutalow,rattlingscoff.“Theportraithepaints,”hemuttered,“shouldcontainthemuzzleflashofFather’srifle.”HerubbedtheplacewhereFather’sbullethadrippedthroughhischestonlyaweekearlier.
MayorLockwoodlookedoutoverhiscongregation.“AmenacehasdescendedonMysticFalls,andonlyabravefewhaverisentothechallengeofprotectingallthatweholddear.Jonathan,Giuseppe,andIstoodshouldertoshoulderagainstthethreat.NowwemustheedGiuseppe’slastwordsasacalltoarms.”
Lockwood’svoicedraggedwithitthescentofsmoky,blackenedwoodfromthedestroyedchurchontheoppositesideofthecemetery.Hewastalking,ostensibly,aboutthegroupsofUnionandConfederatesoldierswhohadbeennippingaboutourpartofVirginiaformonths,buttherewasnomistakingthathereallymeantvampires.VampiresliketheonesDamonandIhadbeenshottryingtofree,liketheonesDamonandIhadbecome.
“Icoulddoit,”ItoldDamon.“Icouldrunoutthereandtearoutalloftheirthroatsbeforetheyknewit.”
“What’sstoppingyou,brother?”hehissed.Iknewhisencouragementcameonlyfromthepossibilityofmedyingintheact.
IheldmybreathandlistenedtoDamon’spanting,tothedroningliesrisingfromFather’splot,andtosomekindofclicking,likeawatchorafingernailtappingagainstamausoleumwall.Iwasn’tusedtotherawnessofmysenses;theworldgavemesomuchmoreasavampirethanithadasahuman.
“Come,”Isaid,puttinganarmaroundhim.“Let’sgetonelastlookatMysticFalls’finestcitizens.”
Hedidn’tsayanythingbutleanedintome,allowingmetoholdhimupaswemovedfromClementine’sbleedingbodytowardthegravesite.WewerejustatamausoleumahundredyardsfromFather’sgravewhenLockwoodintroducedGilberttoreciteaprayer.
Gilbertlickedhislips.Ashereadsomeprayeroranotheroutloud,Inoticedtheclickingoncemore.Itpickedupinspeedaswenearedthecrowd.
Theclickingwasnowasteady,insistentrattle—anditseemedtobecomingdirectlyfromJonathan’shand.Then,withmymother’swingsstretchedwidebehindhim,JonathanGilbertconsultedtheclickingobjectinhispalm.
Mybloodrancold.Thecompass.Jonathanhadcreatedacompassthat,ratherthanpointingnorth,identifiedvampires.
Suddenly,Jonathanlookedup.HiseyeslockedonDamonandmeinstantly.
“Demon!”Heletoutanunholyshriekandpointedinourdirection.
“Ithinkhemeansus,brother,”Damonsaidwithashortlaugh.
BOOKSBYL.J.SMITH
THEVAMPIREDIARIES:VOL.I:THEAWAKENING
THEVAMPIREDIARIES:VOL.II:THESTRUGGLE
THEVAMPIREDIARIES:VOL.III:THEFURY
THEVAMPIREDIARIES:VOL.IV:DARKREUNION
THEVAMPIREDIARIES:THERETURNVOL.1:NIGHTFALL
THEVAMPIREDIARIES:THERETURNVOL.2:SHADOWSOULS
THEVAMPIREDIARIES:THERETURNVOL.3:MIDNIGHT
THESECRETCIRCLE:THEINITIATIONANDTHECAPTIVEPARTI
THESECRETCIRCLE:THECAPTIVEPARTIIANDTHEPOWERCopyright
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Stefan’sDiaries:Origins
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