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Title:Thewish/NicholasSparks.
Description:Firstedition.|NewYork:GrandCentralPublishing,2021.
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E3-20210816-DA-NF-ORIContents
Cover
TitlePage
Copyright
Dedication
ALetterfromNicholasSparks
Acknowledgments
’TistheSeason
Marooned
TheNutcracker
Beginnings
TheChristmasTree
TheSecondTrimester
HolidaySpiritandChristmasEve
TheThirdTrimester
MerryChristmas
Mark
TravelPhotosfromNicholasSparks
DiscoverMoreNicholasSparks
AlsobyNicholasSparksNavigation
TableofContents
ForPamPopeandOscaraStevickDearReader,
I’dliketothankyoufordownloadingtheebookversionofmylatestnovel,TheWish.It’saveryspecialbooktome,asitcombinestwodeep-seatedpassionsofmine:afascinationwithtravel(I’veactuallyincludedsomeofthephotosfrommytravelsinthisebookedition),andmyprofoundattachmenttoNorthCarolina,whereallofmynovelshavebeenset.
Inthepasteighteenyears,beginningwiththearound-the-worldtripdocumentedinmymemoir,ThreeWeekswithMyBrother,I’vehadtheprivilegeoftravelingtosomeofthemostremarkableplacesintheworld,eachunforgettableforitsnaturalgeography,rareculturalhistory,orastoundingwildlife.However,thebestpartofanytripiscominghome…andsmall-townNorthCarolinahasbeenmybelovedhomefordecadesnow.Inevertireofitsslowrhythms,easygoingcharm,andvariedlandscapes.
OnthefirstpageofTheWish,youwillmeetMaggieDawes,aNewYork–basedtravelphotographerwhohasmadeacareerofcapturingimagesfromeverycorneroftheglobe.ButtheoriginsofherextraordinarycareerlieinasummerwhenshewasjustsixteenyearsoldandfoundherselfexiledtoatinyislandoffthecoastofNorthCarolinaintheoff-season.OcracokeIslandisatinyresortdestination,windsweptandbeautiful,butquiteisolatedduringthewinter…Nonethelessitisthere,amongthehardyislandfolk,thatshefindsnotonlyafirstlovethatmarksherforever,butalsofamilyandapassionthatwillbecomehercareer.
IamattachedtoallofthebooksI’vewrittenfordifferentreasons,butIdothinkthismightbeoneofmyverybest.Youwillcry,buthopefullyyou’llalsolaugh,andcomeawaydeeplysatisfiedfromthisstoryofawomantryingtoreconcilewhat“mighthavebeen”withthewaythingsturnedoutforher.It’sachallengeweallfaceashumans—tofindandexpresslove,inthetimeandinthewaysthatouroften-unpredictablelivesallow.
Thankyouagain,andhappyreading,
NicholasSparksAcknowledgments
Thisyearmarksmytwenty-fifthanniversaryasapublishedauthor—amilestoneIcertainlycouldn’thaveimaginedwhenIfirstheldacopyofTheNotebookinmyhands.Atthetime,Ihonestlydidn’tknowifI’devercomeupwithagoodstoryideaagain,muchlesswhetherIwouldbeabletosupportmyselfandmyfamilyonawriter’searnings.
ThefactthatI’vebeenabletokeepdoingwhatIloveforaquarterofacenturyisatestamenttothebrilliantandstalwartgroupofsupporterswhoadvise,celebrate,nag,comfort,strategize,andadvocateonmybehalf24/7.Manyofthemhavebeenbymysidefordecades.TakeTheresaPark,forexample:wemetinourtwenties,workedmaniacallythroughourthirtiesandfortieswhileraisingfamiliesandmakingmoviestogether,andarenowtryingtolivewiselyandproductivelyinourfifties.Wearefriends,partners,andfellowtravelersontheroadoflife,ourrelationshiphavingweatheredcountlesshighsandlowsincareersthathavenever,everbeendull.
I’veknowntheentireteamatPark&FineforsolongthatIcanhardlyimaginepublishingabookormarketingafilmwithoutthem.Theyarewithoutquestionthemostknowledgeable,sophisticated,intrepidgroupofpublishingrepresentativesintheindustry—AbigailKoons,EmilySweet,AlexandraGreene,AndreaMai,PeteKnapp,EmaBarnes,andFionaFurnaribringexcellenceandexpertisetoeverythingtheydoonthefictionside;theircolleagueswhoworkintheworldofnonfictionareeverybittheirequal.Celeste,IwasthrilledtogettoknowyouwhenyoucombinedforceswithTheresa—andcouldtellrightawaywhyyoutwoweresuchaperfectfit!
GrandCentralPublishingcontinuestobemyhome,alltheseyearson.Andalthoughthefaceshavechangedthroughoutthedecades,theethosofdecency,kindness,andpartnershipwithauthorshasbeenaconstant.MichaelPietschhasledthecompanythroughcountlessevolutionsandchallengeswithintegrityandstrategicforesight;publisherBenSevierhasbeenawonderfulmanagerandarchitectofanevolvingbusiness;andeditorinchiefKarenKosztolnyikhasproventobeagentleandencouragingchampionofmywork,rigorousandyetrespectfulwithhereditorialpen.BrianMcLendon,yourunflaggingeffortstoreinventthelookandmessagingofmybooks,yearafteryear,deserveanaward—myteamlovesyourirrepressibleenthusiasm,which,alongwiththeindefatigableAmandaPritzker’sefforts,keepsmybooksfrontofmindandperpetuallyripefordiscovery.BethdeGuzman,youareamongthefewpeoplewhohavebeenwithmypublishersincetheveryfirstbook,andyourtirelessworktokeepmybacklistfreshandappealingisoneofthesecretstomysuccess.MatthewBallastistheZenmasterofauthorpublicity,soft-spokenandunflappable,andhiscolleagueStaciBurtisthesavvy,responsivepublicistwhofearsneitherCOVID,unpredictabletourschedules,norcrankyauthors.AndtoartdirectorAlbertTangandmylongtimecoverdesignerFlag:youguysaregeniuses,managingtosurprisemewithstriking,beautifulcoversyearafteryear.
CatherineOlimdeservesamedalofvalorforallofthecrisesshe’sdefusedandthegenerouspublicityshe’sgarneredformywork—aplainspoken,fearlesscoachandwarrior,sheisneverafraidtogivemetipsonmyon-screenperformancesorprotectmefromunfaircritics.LaQuishe“Q”Wrightistheabsolutestarofthesocialmediaworld,withinstincts,relationships,andstrategicsavvyunparalleledinthatmercurialandrapidlychangingworld.Shelovesherwork,andherstar-studdedclientrosterbenefitsfromherpassion.MollieSmith,isthereadesignerandfanoutreachexpertwithabetterfeelfordesignANDaudiences?Youarethewholepackageand,togetherwithQ,havealwayssteeredmypublicoutreachwithdeftassurance.
MylongtimeHollywoodrepresentative,HowieSandersofAnonymousContent,hasbeenmywiseadvisoranddeeplyloyalfriendfordecades.Itreasurehisadviceandadmirehisintegrity;aftereverythingwehavebeenthroughtogether,mytrustinhimiscomplete.ScottSchwimerhasbeenmyrelentless(yetcharming!)advocateandnegotiatorfortwenty-fiveyears,andhe’sdefinitelyseenitall—heknowsmeandtheinsandoutsofmycareerlikefewothers,andheisaninvaluablememberofmyclose-knitbraintrust.
Inmypersonallife,IhavebeenblessedwithacircleoffriendsandfamilywhoseloveandsupportIcanrelyoneachandeveryday.Innoparticularorder,I’dliketothankPatandBillMills;theThoeneclan,whichincludesMike,Parnell,Matt,Christie,Dan,Kira,Amanda,andNick;theSparksclan,includingDianne,Chuck,Monte,Gail,Sandy,Todd,Elizabeth,Sean,Adam,Nathan,andJosh;andfinallyBob,Debbie,&CodyandColeLewis.I’dalsoliketoacknowledgethefollowingfriends,allofwhommeansomuchtome:VictoriaVodar;JonathanandStephanieArnold;ToddandGretchenLanman;KimandEricBelcher;Lee,Sandy,andMaxMinshull;AdrianaLima;DavidandMorganShara;DavidGeffen;JeannieandPatArmentrout;TiaandBrandonShaver;ChristieBonacci;DrewandBrittanyBrees;BuddyandWendyStallings;JohnandStephanieZannis;JeanineKaspar;JoyLenz;DwightCarlbom;DavidWang;MissyBlackerby;KenGray;JohnHawkinsandMichaelSmith;theVanWiefamily(Jeff,Torri,Ana,Audrey,andAva);JimTyler;ChrisMatteo;RickMuench;PaulduVair;BobJacob;EricCollins;andlastbutnotleast,mywonderfulchildrenwhomeantheworldtome.Miles,Ryan,Landon,Lexie,andSavannah—Iloveyouall.Explorebookgiveaways,sneakpeeks,deals,andmore.
Tapheretolearnmore
’TistheSeason
Manhattan
December2019
WheneverDecemberrolledaround,ManhattantransformeditselfintoacitythatMaggiedidn’talwaysrecognize.TouriststhrongedtheshowsonBroadwayandfloodedthesidewalksoutsidedepartmentstoresinMidtown,formingaslow-movingriverofpedestrians.Boutiquesandrestaurantsoverflowedwithshoppersclutchingbags,Christmasmusicfilteredfromhiddenspeakers,andhotellobbiessparkledwithdecorations.TheRockefellerCenterChristmastreewaslitbymulticoloredbulbsandtheflashesofthousandsofiPhones,andcrosstowntraffic,neverspeedyinthebestoftimes,becamesojammedupthatitwasoftenquickertowalkthantotakeacab.Butwalkinghaditsownchallenges;frigidwindfrequentlywhippedbetweenthebuildings,necessitatingthermalunderwear,plentifulfleece,andjacketszippedtothecollars.
MaggieDawes,whoconsideredherselfafreespiritconsumedbywanderlust,hadalwayslovedtheideaofaNewYorkChristmas,albeitinalookhowprettypostcardkindofway.Inreality,likealotofNewYorkers,shedidherbesttoavoidMidtownduringtheholidays.Instead,sheeitherstayedclosetoherhomeinChelseaor,morecommonly,fledtowarmerclimes.Asatravelphotographer,shesometimesthoughtofherselflessasaNewYorkerandmoreasanomadwhohappenedtohaveapermanentaddressinthecity.Inanotebookshekeptinthedrawerofhernightstand,she’dcompiledalistofmorethanahundredplacesshestillwantedtovisit,someofthemsoobscureorremotethatevenreachingthemwouldbeachallenge.
Sincedroppingoutofcollegetwentyyearsago,she’dbeenaddingtothelist,notingplacesthatsparkedherimaginationforonereasonoranotherevenashertravelsenabledhertocrossoutotherdestinations.Withacameraslungoverhershoulder,she’dvisitedeverycontinent,morethaneighty-twocountries,andforty-threeofthefiftystates.She’dtakentensofthousandsofphotographs,fromimagesofwildlifeintheOkavangoDeltainBotswanatoshotsoftheauroraborealisinLapland.Therewerephotographstakenasshe’dhikedtheIncaTrail,othersfromtheSkeletonCoastinNamibia,stillmoreamongtheruinsofTimbuktu.Twelveyearsago,she’dlearnedtoscubadiveandhadspenttendaysdocumentingmarinelifeinRajaAmpat;fouryearsago,she’dhikedtothefamousParoTaktsang,orTiger’sNest,aBuddhistmonasterybuiltintoacliffsideinBhutanwithpanoramicviewsoftheHimalayas.
Othershadoftenmarveledatheradventures,butshe’dlearnedthatadventureisawordwithmanyconnotations,notallofthemgood.Acaseinpointwastheadventureshewasonnow—that’showshesometimesdescribedittoherInstagramfollowersandYouTubesubscribers—theonethatkeptherlargelyconfinedtoeitherhergalleryorhersmalltwo-bedroomapartmentonWestNineteenthStreet,insteadofventuringtomoreexoticlocales.Thesameadventurethatledtooccasionalthoughtsofsuicide.
Oh,she’dneveractuallydoit.Thethoughtterrifiedher,andshe’dadmittedasmuchinoneofthemanyvideosshe’dcreatedforYouTube.Foralmosttenyears,hervideoshadbeenratherordinaryasfarasphotographers’postswent;she’ddescribedherdecision-makingprocesswhentakingpictures,offerednumerousPhotoshoptutorials,andreviewednewcamerasandtheirmanyaccessories,usuallypostingtwoorthreetimesamonth.ThoseYouTubevideos,inadditiontoherInstagrampostsandFacebookpagesandtheblogonherwebsite,hadalwaysbeenpopularwithphotographygeekswhilealsoburnishingherprofessionalreputation.
Threeandahalfyearsago,however,onawhim,she’dpostedavideotoherYouTubechannelaboutherrecentdiagnosis,onethathadnothingtodowithphotography.Thevideo,arambling,unfiltereddescriptionofthefearanduncertaintyshesuddenlyfeltwhenshelearnedshehadstageIVmelanoma,probablyshouldn’thavebeenpostedatall.Butwhatsheimaginedwouldbealonelyvoiceechoingbackatherfromtheemptyreachesoftheinternetsomehowmanagedtocatchtheattentionofothers.Shewasn’tsurewhyorhow,butthatvideo—ofalltheonesshe’deverposted—hadattractedatrickle,thenasteadystream,andfinallyadelugeofviews,comments,questions,andupvotesfrompeoplewhohadneverheardofherorherworkasaphotographer.Feelingasthoughshehadtorespondtothosewho’dbeenmovedbyherplight,she’dpostedanothervideoregardingherdiagnosisthatbecameevenmorepopular.Sincethen,aboutonceamonth,she’dcontinuedtopostvideosinthesamevein,mainlybecauseshefeltshehadnochoicebuttocontinue.Inthepastthreeyears,she’ddiscussedvarioustreatmentsandhowthey’dmadeherfeel,sometimesevendisplayingthescarsfromhersurgery.Shetalkedaboutradiationburnsandnauseaandhairlossandwonderedopenlyaboutthemeaningoflife.Shemusedaboutherfearofdyingandspeculatedonthepossibilityofanafterlife.Theywereseriousissues,butmaybetostaveoffherowndepressionwhendiscussingsuchamiserablesubject,shedidherbesttokeepthevideosaslightintoneaspossible.Shesupposedthatwaspartofthereasonfortheirpopularity,butwhoreallyknew?Theonlycertaintywasthatsomehow,almostreluctantly,she’dbecomethestarofherownrealitywebseries,onethathadbegunwithhopebuthadslowlynarrowedtofocusonasingleinevitableending.
And—perhapsunsurprisingly—asthegrandfinaleapproached,herviewershipexplodedevenmore.
***
InthefirstCancerVideo—that’showshementallyreferredtothem,asopposedtoherRealVideos—shestaredintothecamerawithawrygrinandsaid,“Rightoffthebat,Ihatedit.Thenitstartedgrowingonme.”
Sheknewitwasprobablyinpoortastetojokeaboutherillness,butthewholethingstruckherasabsurd.Whyher?Atthetime,shewasthirty-sixyearsold,sheexercisedregularly,andshefollowedareasonablyhealthydiet.Therewasnohistoryofcancerinherfamily.She’dgrownupincloudySeattleandlivedinManhattan,whichruledoutahistoryofsunbathing.She’dnevervisitedatanningsalon.Noneofitmadeanysense,butthatwasthepointaboutcancer,wasn’tit?Cancerdidn’tdiscriminate;itjusthappenedtotheunlucky,andafterawhileshe’dfinallyacceptedthatthebetterquestionwasreallyWhyNOTher?Shewasn’tspecial;tothatpointinherlife,there’dbeentimeswhensheconsideredherselfinterestingorintelligentorevenpretty,butthewordspecialhadneverenteredhermind.
Whenshe’dreceivedherdiagnosis,shewouldhaveswornshewasinperfecthealth.Amonthearlier,she’dvisitedVaadhooIslandintheMaldives,onaphotoshootforCondéNast.She’dtraveledtherehopingtocapturethebioluminescencejustoffshorethatmadeoceanwavesglowlikestarlight,asiflitfromwithin.Seaplanktonwasresponsibleforthespectral,spectacularlight,andshe’dallottedextratimetoshootsomeimagesforpersonaluse,perhapsforeventualsaleinhergallery.
Shewasscoutingamostlyemptybeachnearherhotelinmidafternoonwithacamerainhand,tryingtoenvisiontheshotsheaimedtotakeonceeveningdescended.Shewantedtocaptureahintoftheshoreline—withperhapsaboulderintheforeground—thesky,and,ofcourse,thewavesjustastheywerecresting.She’dspentmorethananhourtakingdifferentshotsfromdifferentanglesandvariouslocationsonthebeachwhenacouplestrolledpasther,holdinghands.Lostinherwork,shebarelyregisteredtheirpresence.
Afewmomentslater,whilescanningthelinewherethewaveswerebreakingoffshorethroughherviewfinder,sheheardthewoman’svoicebehindher.ShespokeEnglish,butwithadistinctlyGermanaccent.
“Excuseme,”thewomansaid.“Icanseethatyou’rebusyandIamsorrytobotheryou.”
Maggieloweredhercamera.“Yes?”
“It’salittledifficulttosaythis,buthaveyouhadthatdarkspotonthebackofyourshoulderexamined?”
Maggiefrowned,tryingwithoutsuccesstoseethespotbetweenthestrapsofherbathingsuitthatthewomanwasreferringto.“Ididn’tknowIhadadarkspotthere…”Shesquintedatthewomaninconfusion.“Andwhyareyousointerested?”
Thewoman,fiftyishwithshortgrayhair,nodded.“Ishouldperhapsintroducemyself.I’mDr.SabineKessel,”shesaid.“I’madermatologistinMunich.Thespotlooksabnormal.”
Maggieblinked.“Youmeanlikecancer?”
“Idon’tknow,”thewomansaid,herexpressioncautious.“ButifIwereyou,I’dhaveitexaminedassoonaspossible.Itcouldbenothing,ofcourse.”
Oritcouldbeserious,Dr.Kesseldidn’thavetoadd.
Thoughittookfivenightstoachievewhatshewantedfromtheshoot,Maggiewaspleasedwiththerawfiles.Shewouldworkonthemextensivelyindigitalpostproduction—therealartinphotographythesedaysalmostalwaysemergedinpost—butshealreadyknewtheresultswouldbespectacular.Inthemeantime,andthoughshetriednottoworryaboutit,shealsomadeanappointmentwithDr.SnehalKhatri,adermatologistontheUpperEastSide,fourdaysafterherreturntothecity.
ThespotwasbiopsiedinearlyJuly2016,andafterwardshewassentforadditionaltesting.ShehadMRIandPETscansdoneatMemorialSloanKetteringhospitallaterthatsamemonth.Aftertheresultshadcomein,Dr.Khatrisatherdownintheexaminationroom,wherehequietlyandseriouslyinformedherthatshehadstageIVmelanoma.Laterthatday,shewasintroducedtoanoncologistnamedLeslieBrodigan,whowouldoverseehercare.Intheaftermathofthesemeetings,Maggiedidherownresearchontheinternet.ThoughDr.Brodiganhadtoldherthatgeneralstatisticsmeantverylittlewhenitcametopredictingoutcomesforaparticularindividual,Maggiecouldn’thelpfixatingonthenumbers.ThesurvivalrateafterfiveyearsforthosediagnosedwithstageIVmelanoma,shelearned,waslessthanfifteenpercent.
Instunneddisbelief,MaggiemadeherfirstCancerVideothefollowingday.
***
Athersecondappointment,Dr.Brodigan—avibrantblue-eyedblondewhoseemedtopersonifythetermgoodhealth—explainedeverythingaboutherconditionagain,sincethewholeprocesshadbeensooverwhelmingthatMaggiecouldrememberonlybitsandpiecesoftheirfirstmeeting.Essentially,havingstageIVmelanomameantthatthecancerhadmetastasizednotonlytodistantlymphnodesbuttosomeofherotherorgansaswell,inhercasebothherliverandherstomach.TheMRIandPETscanshadfoundthecancerousgrowthsinvadinghealthierpartsofherbodylikeanarmyofantsdevouringfoodlaidoutonapicnictable.
Longstoryshort:Thenextthreeandahalfyearswereabluroftreatmentandrecovery,withoccasionalflashesofhopeilluminatingdarktunnelsofanxiety.Shehadsurgerytoremoveherinfectedlymphnodesandthemetastasesinherliverandstomach.Thesurgerywasfollowedbyradiation,whichwasexcruciating,turningherskinblackinplacesandleavingbehindnastyscarstogowiththeonesshe’dcollectedintheoperatingroom.Shealsolearnedthereweredifferentkindsofmelanoma,evenforthosewithstageIV,whichledtodifferenttreatmentoptions.Inhercase,thatmeantimmunotherapy,whichseemedtoworkforacoupleofyears,untilitfinallydidn’t.Then,lastApril,shehadbegunchemotherapyandcontinueditformonths,hatinghowitmadeherfeelbutconvincedthatithadtobeeffective.Howcoulditnotwork,shewondered,sinceitseemedtobekillingeveryotherpartofher?Thesedays,shebarelyrecognizedherselfinthemirror.Foodnearlyalwaystastedtoobitterortoosalty,whichmadeithardtoeat,andshe’ddroppedmorethantwentypoundsfromheralreadypetiteframe.Heroval-shapedbrowneyesnowappearedsunkenandoversizeaboveherprotrudingcheekbones,herfacemorelikeskinstretchedoveraskull.Shewasalwayscoldandworethicksweaterseveninheroverheatedapartment.She’dlostallherdarkbrownhair,onlytoseeitslowlygrowbackinpatches,lighterincolorandasfineasababy’s;she’dtakentowearingakerchieforhatalmostallthetime.Herneckhadbecomesospindlyandfragile-lookingthatshewrappeditinascarftoavoidglimpsingitinmirrors.
Alittlemorethanamonthago,atthebeginningofNovember,shehadundergoneanotherroundofCATandPETscans,andinDecember,she’dmetagainwithDr.Brodigan.Thedoctorhadbeenmoresubduedthanusual,althoughhereyesbrimmedwithcompassion.There,she’dtoldMaggiethatwhilemorethanthreeyearsoftreatmenthadslowedthediseaseattimes,itsprogressionhadneverquitestopped.WhenMaggieaskedwhatothertreatmentoptionswereavailable,thedoctorhadgentlyturnedherattentiontothequalityofthelifeMaggiehadremaining.
ItwasherwayoftellingMaggiethatshewasgoingtodie.
***
MaggiehadopenedthegallerymorethannineyearsagowithanotherartistnamedTrinity,whousedmostofthespaceforhisgiantandeclecticsculptures.Trinity’srealnamewasFredMarshburnandthey’dmetatanopeningforanotherartist’sshow,thekindofeventMaggieseldomattended.Trinitywasalreadywildlysuccessfulatthatpointandhadlongtoyedwiththeideaofopeninghisowngallery;hedidn’t,however,haveanydesiretoactuallymanagethegallery,nordidhewanttospendanytimethere.Becausethey’dhititoff,andbecauseherphotographsinnowaycompetedwithhiswork,they’deventuallymadeadeal.Inexchangeforhermanagingthebusinessofthegallery,shewouldearnamodestsalaryandcouldalsodisplayaselectionofherownwork.Atthetime,itwasmoreaboutprestige—shecouldtellpeopleshehadherowngallery!—thanitwasaboutthemoneyTrinitypaidher.Inthefirstyearortwo,shesoldonlyafewprintsofherown.
BecauseMaggiewasstilltravelingextensivelyatthetime—morethanahundreddaysayear,onaverage—theactualday-to-dayrunningofthegalleryfelltoawomannamedLuanneSommers.WhenMaggiehiredher,Luannewasawealthydivorcéewithgrownchildren.Herexperiencewaslimitedtoanamateur’spassionforcollectingandanexpert’seyeforfindingbargainsatNeimanMarcus.Ontheplusside,shedressedwell;shewasresponsible,conscientious,andwillingtolearn;andshehadnoqualmsaboutthefactthatshe’dearnlittlemorethanminimumwage.Assheputit,heralimonywasenoughtoallowhertoretireinluxury,buttherewereonlysomanylunchesawomancoulddowithoutgoingcrazy.
Luanneturnedouttobeanaturalatsales.Inthebeginning,Maggiehadbriefedheronthetechnicalelementsofallofherprints,aswellasthestorybehindeachparticularshot,whichwasoftenasinterestingtobuyersastheimageitself.Trinity’ssculptures,whichutilizedassortedmaterials—canvas,metal,plastic,glue,andpaint,inadditiontoitemscollectedfromjunkyards,deerantlers,picklejars,andcans—wereoriginalenoughtoinspirespiriteddiscussion.Hewasalreadyanestablishedcriticaldarling,andhispiecesmovedregularlydespitetheirstaggeringprices.Butthegallerydidn’tadvertiseorfeaturemanyguestartists,sotheworkitselfwasfairlylow-key.Thereweredayswhenonlyahandfulofpeopleenteredthepremises,andtheywereabletoclosethegallerythelastthreeweeksoftheyear.Itwas—forMaggie,Trinity,andLuanne—anarrangementthatworkedwellforalongtime.
Buttwothingshappenedtochangeallthat.First,Maggie’sCancerVideoslurednewpeopletothegallery.Nottheusualseasonedcontemporaryartorphotographyenthusiasts,buttouristsfromplaceslikeTennesseeandOhio,peoplewho’dbeguntofollowMaggieonInstagramandYouTubebecausetheyfeltaconnectiontoher.Someofthemhadbecomeactualfansofherphotography,butalotofthemsimplywantedtomeetherorbuyoneofhersignedprintsasakeepsake.Thephonebegantoringoffthehookwithordersfromrandomlocationsaroundthecountry,andadditionalorderspouredinthroughthewebsite.ItwasallMaggieandLuannecoulddotokeepup,andlastyear,they’dmadethedecisiontokeepthegalleryopenthroughtheholidaysbecausethecrowdskeptcoming.ThenMaggielearnedshe’dsoonhavetobeginchemotherapy,whichmeantshewouldn’tbeabletohelpatthegalleryformonths.Itwasclearthattheyneededtohireanadditionalemployee,andwhenMaggiebroachedthesubjectwithTrinity,heagreedonthespot.Asfatewouldhaveit,thefollowingday,ayoungmannamedMarkPricewalkedintothegalleryandaskedtospeakwithher,aneventthatatthetimestruckherasalmosttoogoodtobetrue.
***
MarkPricewasarecentcollegegraduatewhocouldhavepassedforahighschooler.Maggieinitiallyassumedhewasanother“cancergroupie,”butshewasonlypartiallycorrect.Headmittedhehadbecomefamiliarwithherworkthroughherpopularonlinepresence—hewasespeciallyfondofhervideos,hevolunteered—buthe’dalsocomeinwitharésumé.Heexplainedthathewaslookingforemploymentandtheideaofworkingintheartworldstronglyappealedtohim.Artandphotography,he’dadded,allowedforthecommunicationofnewideas,ofteninwaysthatwordsdidnot.
Despitehermisgivingsabouthiringafan,Maggiesatdownwithhimthesameday,anditbecameclearthathe’ddonehishomework.HeknewagreatdealaboutTrinityandhiswork;hementionedaspecificinstallationthatwascurrentlyondisplayatMoMAandanotherattheNewSchool,drawingcomparisonstosomeofRobertRauschenberg’slaterworkinaknowledgeablebutunpretentiousway.Thoughitdidn’tsurpriseher,healsohadadeepandimpressivefamiliaritywithherownbodyofwork.Andyet,thoughhe’dansweredallherquestionssatisfactorily,sheremainedalittleuneasy;shecouldn’tquitefigureoutwhetherhewasseriousabouthisdesiretoworkinagallery,orjustanotherpersonwhowantedtowitnessherowntragedyupclose.
Astheirmeetingdrewtoaclose,shetoldhimthattheyweren’tcurrentlyinterviewing—thoughtechnicallytrue,itwasonlyamatteroftime—towhichherespondedbyaskingpolitelywhethershewouldnonethelessbewillingtoreceivehisrésumé.Itwas,shethoughtinretrospect,thewayhe’dphrasedhisrequestthatcharmedher.“Wouldyounonethelessbewillingtoreceivemyrésumé?”Itstruckherasold-fashionedandcourtlyandshecouldn’thelpsmilingassheheldoutherhandforthedocument.
Laterthatsameweek,Maggiehaduploadedajobpostingtosomeart-relatedindustrysitesandcalledseveralcontactsatothergalleries,lettingthemknowshewashiring.RésumésandinquiriesfloodedtheinboxandLuannemetwithsixcandidateswhileMaggie,eithernauseatedorvomitingfromherfirstinfusion,recuperatedathome.Onlyonecandidatemadeitpastthefirstinterview,butwhenshedidn’tshowupforthesecond,shewasscratchedaswell.Frustrated,LuannevisitedMaggieathometoupdateher.Maggiehadn’tleftherapartmentindaysandwaslyingonthecouch,sippingthefruit-and-ice-creamsmoothieLuannehadbroughtwithher,oneofthefewthingsMaggiecouldstillforcedown.
“It’shardtobelievewecan’tfindanyonequalifiedtoworkinthegallery.”Maggieshookherhead.
“Theyhavenoexperienceanddon’tknowanythingaboutart,”Luannehuffed
Neitherdidyou,Maggiecouldhavepointedout,butsheremainedsilent,fullyawarethatLuannehadturnedouttobeatreasureasbothafriendandanemployee,theluckiestofbreaks.Warmandunflappable,Luannehadlongagoceasedbeingamerecolleague.
“Itrustyourjudgment,Luanne.We’lljuststartover.”
“Areyousuretherewasn’tanyoneelseinthepoolworthmeeting?”Luanne’stonewasplaintive.
Forwhateverreason,Maggie’smindflashedtoMarkPrice,inquiringeversopolitelywhethershewouldbewillingtoreceivehisrésumé.
“You’resmiling,”Luannesaid.
“No,I’mnot.”
“IknowasmilewhenIseeone.Whatwereyoujustthinkingabout?”
Maggietookanothersipofthesmoothie,buyingtime,untilfinallydecidingtocomeoutwithit.“Ayoungmancameinbeforewelistedtheposition,”sheadmitted,beforeproceedingtodescribethemeeting.“I’mstillnotsureabouthim,”sheconcluded,“buthisrésuméisprobablysomewhereonmydeskintheoffice.”Sheshrugged.“Idon’tknowifhe’sevenavailableatthispoint.”
WhenLuanneprobedtheoriginsofMark’sinterestinthejob,shefrowned.Luanneunderstoodthemakeupofthegallerycrowdsbetterthananyoneandrecognizedthatpeoplewho’dseenMaggie’svideosoftenviewedherastheirconfidante,someonewhowouldbothempathizeandsympathize.Theyfrequentlylongedtosharetheirownstories,thesufferingtheyhadendured,andthelosses.AndasmuchasMaggiewantedtoofferthemcomfort,itwasoftentoomuchtosupportthememotionallywhenshefeltlikeshewasbarelyholdingittogetherherself.Luannedidherbesttoshieldherfromthemoreaggressivecontactseekers.
“LetmereviewhisrésuméandI’llspeakwithhim,”shesaid.“Afterthat,we’lltakeitonestepatatime.”
LuannecontactedMarkthefollowingweek.Theirfirstconversationledtotwomoreformalinterviews,includingonewithTrinity.WhenshelaterspokewithMaggie,herpraiseforMarkwaseffusive,butMaggieinsistedonmeetingwithhimagain,justtobecertain.Ittookfourmoredaysbeforeshehadtheenergytomakeittothegallery.MarkPricewasontime,dressedinasuitandholdingaslimbinderashesteppedintoheroffice.Shefeltsickasadogasshestudiedhisrésumé,notingthathewasfromElkhart,Indiana,andwhenshesawhisgraduationdatefromNorthwestern,shedidaquickmentalcalculation.
“You’retwenty-twoyearsold?”
“Yes.”
Withhisneatlypartedhair,blueeyes,andbabyface,helookedlikeawell-groomedteenager,readyfortheprom.“Andyoumajoredintheology?”
“Idid,”hesaid.
“Whytheology?”
“Myfatherisapastor,”hesaid.“EventuallyIwanttogetamaster’sindivinityaswell.Tofollowinhisfootsteps.”
Assoonashesaidit,sherealizeditdidn’tsurpriseherintheslightest.“Thenwhytheinterestinartifyouintendtogointotheministry?”
Hebroughthisfingertipstogether,asthoughwantingtochoosehiswordswithcare.“I’vealwaysbelievedthatartandfaithhavemuchincommon.Bothallowpeopletoexplorethesubtletyoftheirownemotionsandtofindtheirownanswersastowhattheartrepresentstothem.YourworkandTrinity’salwaysmakemethink,andmoreimportantly,theymakemefeelinwaysthatoftenleadtoasenseofwonder.Justlikefaith.”
Itwasagoodanswer,butshenonethelesssuspectedthatMarkwasleavingsomethingout.Settingthosethoughtsaside,Maggiecontinuedwiththeinterview,askingmorestandardquestionsabouthisworkhistoryandknowledgeofphotographyandcontemporarysculpturebeforefinallyleaningbackinherchair.
“Whydoyouthinkyou’dbeagoodfitforthegallery?”
Heseemedunfazedbyhergrilling.“Forstarters,havingmetMs.Sommers,IhavethesensethatsheandIwouldworkwelltogether.Withherpermission,Ispentsometimeinthegalleryafterourinterview,andafterabitofadditionalresearch,Iputtogethersomeofmythoughtsabouttheworkcurrentlyondisplay.”Heleanedforward,offeringherthebinder.“I’veleftacopywithMs.Sommersaswell.”
Maggiethumbedthroughthebinder.Stoppingonarandompage,sheperusedacoupleofparagraphshe’dwrittenconcerningaphotographshe’dtakeninDjiboutiin2011,whenthecountrywasmiredinoneoftheworstdroughtsindecades.Intheforegroundweretheskeletalremainsofacamel;inthebackgroundwerethreefamiliesdressedinbrilliantlycolorfulgarb,allofwhomwerelaughingandsmilingastheywalkedalongadriedriverbed.Gatheringstormcloudsclottedaskythathadturnedorangeandredinthesettingsun,avividcontrasttothebleachedbonesoftheskeletonanddeepdesiccationcracksthatillustratedthelackofanyrecentrainfall.
Mark’scommentsshowedasurprisingtechnicalsophisticationandamatureappreciationforherartisticintentions;she’dbeentryingtoshowanimprobablejoyamiddespair,toillustrateman’sinsignificancewhenfacedwiththecapriciouspowerofnature,andMarkhadarticulatedthoseintentionswell.
Sheclosedthebinder,knowingtherewasnoneedtolookthroughtherestofit.
“Youclearlyprepared,andconsideringyourage,youseemsurprisinglywellqualified.Butthosearen’tmymajorconcerns.Istillwanttoknowtherealreasonyouwanttoworkhere.”
Hisbrowfurrowed.“Ithinkyourphotographsareextraordinary.AsareTrinity’ssculptures.”
“Isthatall?”
“I’mnotsurewhatyoumean.”
“I’llbefrank,”Maggiesaid,exhaling.Shewastootiredandtoosick,withtoolittletime,tobeanythingbutfrank.“Youbroughtinyourrésumébeforewe’devenpostedthatwewerehiring,andyouadmittedyou’reafanofmyvideos.Thosethingsconcernmebecausesometimespeoplewhohavewatchedmyvideosaboutmyillnessfeelafalsesenseofintimacywithme.Ican’thavesomeonelikethatworkinghere.”Sheraisedhereyebrows.“Areyouimaginingthatwe’llbecomefriendsandhavedeepandmeaningfulconversations?Becausethat’sunlikely.IdoubtI’llbespendingmuchtimeatthegallery.”
“Iunderstand,”hesaid,pleasantandunflustered.“IfIwereyou,I’dlikelyfeelthesameway.AllIcandoisassureyouthatmyintentionistobeanexcellentemployee.”
Shedidn’tmakeherdecisionrightaway.Instead,shesleptonitandconferredwithLuanneandTrinitythefollowingday.DespiteMaggie’scontinuinguncertainty,theywantedtotakeachanceonhim,andMarkstartedatthebeginningofMay.
Fortunately,sincethen,MarkhadgivenMaggienoreasontosecond-guessherself.Withchemotherapycontinuingtowipeheroutallsummer,she’dspentonlyafewhoursaweekatthegallery,butintheraremomentswhenshewasthere,Markhadbeentheconsummateprofessional.Hegreetedhercheerfully,smiledeasily,andalwaysreferredtoherasMs.Dawes.Hewasneverlateforwork,hadnevercalledinsick,andseldomdisturbedher,knockinggentlyonherofficedooronlywhenabonafidebuyerorcollectorhadspecificallyaskedforherandhedeemeditimportantenoughtointrude.Perhapsbecausehe’dtakentheinterviewtoheart,heneverreferredtoherrecentvideoposts,nordidheaskherpersonalquestions.Occasionallyheexpressedthehopethatshewasfeelingwell,butthatwasokaywithher,becausehedidn’tactuallyinquireaboutit,leavingituptohertosayanythingmoreifshewantedto.
Moreoverandmostimportantly,heexcelledatthejob.Hetreatedcustomerswithcourtesyandcharm,movedthecancergroupiesgracefullytowardtheexits,andexcelledatsales,probablybecausehewasn’tpushyintheslightest.Heansweredthephone,usuallybythesecondorthirdring,andcarefullywrappedtheprintsbeforeshippingthoseorderedbymail.Usually,tocompleteallofhistasks,hewouldstayforanhourormoreafterthegalleryhadcloseditsdoors.LuannewassoimpressedbyhimthatshehadnoworriesabouthermonthlongholidayinMauiwithherdaughterandgrandchildreninDecember,atripshe’dtakenalmosteveryyearsinceshe’sstartedatthegallery.
Noneofthat,Maggierealized,hadbeenmuchofasurprise.Whatdidsurpriseherwasthatinthelastfewmonths,herreservationsaboutMarkhadslowlygivenwaytoagrowingsenseoftrust.
***
Maggiecouldn’tpinpointexactlywhenthathadhappened.Likeapartmentneighborsregularlyridingthesameelevator,theircordialrelationshipsettledintoacomfortablefamiliarity.InSeptember,onceshebegantofeelbetterafterherlastinfusion,shehadstartedspendingmoretimeatwork.SimplegreetingswithMarkgavewaytosmalltalkbeforesegueingtomorepersonalsubjects.Sometimesthoseconversationstookplaceinthesmallbreakroomdownthehallfromheroffice,othertimesinthegallerywhenitwasdevoidofvisitors.Mostlytheyoccurredafterthedoorshadbeenlocked,whilethethreeofthemprocessedandpackagedtheprintsthathadbeenorderedbyphoneorthroughthewebsite.UsuallyLuannedominatedtheconversation,chatteringaboutherex-husband’spoordatingchoicesorherkidsandgrandkids.MaggieandMarkwerecontenttolisten—Luannewasentertaining.Everynowandthen,oneofthemwouldrolltheireyesatsomethingLuannehadsaid(“I’msuremyexispayingforalltheplasticsurgeryonthattackygold-digger”)andtheotherwouldsmileslightly,aprivatecommunicationmeantjustforthetwoofthem.
Sometimes,though,Luannehadtoleaveimmediatelyafterclosing.MarkandMaggiewouldworktogetheralone,andlittlebylittle,MaggiecametolearnquiteabitaboutMark,evenasherefrainedfromaskingpersonalquestionsofher.Hetoldherabouthisparentsandhischildhood,whichoftenstruckherassomethingakintoanupbringingimaginedbyNormanRockwell,completewithbedtimestories,hockeyandbaseballgames,andhisparents’attendanceateveryschooleventhecouldremember.Healsospokefrequentlyabouthisgirlfriend,Abigail,who’djuststartedworkingtowardamaster’sdegreeineconomicsattheUniversityofChicago.LikeMark,she’dgrownupinasmalltown—inhercase,Waterloo,Iowa—andhehadcountlessphotographsofthetwoofthemonhisiPhone.Thephotosshowedaprettyyoungredheadwithasunny,midwesternaffect,andMarkmentionedthatheplannedtoproposeaftershereceivedherdegree.Maggiecouldrememberlaughingwhenhesaidit.Whygetmarriedwhenyou’restillsoyoung?she’dasked.Whynotwaitafewyears?
“Because,”Markhadanswered,“she’stheonewithwhomI’dliketospendtherestofmylife.”
“Howcanyouknowthat?”
“Sometimesyoujustknow.”
Themoreshelearnedabouthim,themoreshecametobelievethathisparentshadbeenasluckywithhimashe’dbeenwiththem.Hewasanexemplaryyoungman,responsibleandkind—disprovingthestereotypethatmillennialswerelazyandentitled.Still,hergrowingfondnessforhimsometimessurprisedher,ifonlybecausetheysharedsolittleincommon.Herearlylifehadbeen…unusual,atleastforatime,andherrelationshipwithherparentshadoftenbeenstrained.SheherselfhadbeennothinglikeMark.Whilehe’dbeenstudiousandhadgraduatedwithhighesthonorsfromatopuniversity,she’dgenerallystruggledinschoolandhadfinishedlessthanthreesemestersatacommunitycollege.Athisage,shehadbeencontenttoliveinthemomentandfigurethingsoutonthefly,whereasheseemedtohaveaplanforeverything.Hadshemethimwhenshewasyounger,shesuspectedthatshewouldn’thavegivenhimthetimeofday;whenshe’dbeeninhertwenties,she’dhadahabitofchoosingexactlythewrongkindsofmen.
Nonetheless,hesometimesremindedherofsomeoneshe’dknownlongago,someonewhohadoncemeanteverythingtoher.
***
BythetimeThanksgivingrolledaround,MaggieconsideredMarkadefinitememberofthegalleryfamily.Shewasn’tasclosetohimasshewastoeitherLuanneorTrinity—they’dspentyearstogether,afterall—buthe’dbecomesomethingakintoafriendnonetheless,andtwodaysafterthatholiday,allfourofthemhadstayedlateinthegalleryafterclosing.ItwasSaturdaynight,andbecauseLuanneplannedtoflytoMauithefollowingmorningwhileTrinityleftfortheCaribbean,theyopenedabottleofwinetogowiththecheeseandfruittrayLuannehadordered.Maggieacceptedaglass,eventhoughshecouldn’tfathomthethoughtofeitherdrinkingoreatinganything.
Theytoastedthegallery—ithadbeenfarandawaytheirmostsuccessfulyearever—andsettledintoeasyconversationforanotherhour.Towardtheend,LuanneofferedMaggieacard.
“There’sagiftinside,”Luannesaid.“OpenitafterI’mgone.”
“Ihaven’thadachancetogetyoursyet.”
“That’sfine,”Luannesaid.“Seeingyoubacktoyouroldselfthesepastfewmonthshasbeenmorethanenoughgiftforme.JustmakesureyouopenitwellbeforeChristmas,though.”
AfterMaggieassuredherthatshewould,Luannesteppedtowardtheplatterandgrabbedacoupleofstrawberries.Afewfeetaway,TrinitywasspeakingtoMark.BecausehevisitedthegalleryevenlessfrequentlythanMaggiedid,sheheardTrinityaskingthesamekindsofpersonalquestionsthatshehadoverthelastfewmonths.
“Ididn’tknowyouplayedhockey,”Trinityoffered.“I’mahugeIslandersfan,eveniftheyhaven’twontheStanleyCupinwhatseemslikeforever.”
“It’sagreatsport.IplayedeveryyearuntilIgottoNorthwestern.”
“Don’ttheyhaveateam?”
“Iwasn’tgoodenoughtoplayatthecollegiatelevel,”Markadmitted.“Notthatitseemedtomattertomyparents.Idon’tthinkeitherofthemevermissedagame.”
“WilltheycomeouttoseeyouforChristmas?”
“No,”Marksaid.“MydadsetupatouroftheHolyLandwithacoupledozenmembersofourchurchfortheholidays.Nazareth,Bethlehem,thewholeworks.”
“Andyoudidn’twanttogo?”
“It’stheirdream,notmine.Besides,Ihavetobehere.”
MaggiesawTrinityglanceinherdirectionbeforeheturnedhisattentionbacktoMark.Heleanedin,whisperingsomething,andthoughMaggiecouldn’thearhim,sheknewexactlywhatTrinityhadsaid,becausehe’dexpressedhisownconcernstoherafewminutesearlier.
“MakesureyoukeepaneyeonMaggiewhileLuanneandIaregone.We’rebothalittleworriedabouther.”
Inresponse,Marksimplynodded.
***
Trinitywasmoreprescientthanheprobablyrealized,butthenagain,bothTrinityandLuannehadknownthatMaggiehadanotherappointmentwithDr.BrodiganscheduledonDecember10.Andsureenough,atthatappointment,Dr.BrodiganhadurgedMaggietofocusonherqualityoflife.
NowitwasDecember18.MorethanaweekhadpassedsincethatawfuldayandMaggiestillfeltalmostnumb.Norhadshetoldanyoneaboutherprognosis.Herparentshadalwaysbelievedthatiftheyprayedhardenough,Godwouldsomehowhealher,andtellingthemthetruthwouldtakemoreenergythanshecouldsummon.Samethinginadifferentwaywithhersister;longstoryshort,shedidn’thavetheenergy.Markhadtextedacoupleoftimestocheckinonher,butsayinganythingabouthersituationviatextstruckherasabsurdandshehadn’tbeenreadytofaceanyonejustyet.AsforLuanneorevenTrinity,shesupposedshecouldcallthem,butwhatwouldbethepoint?LuannedeservedtoenjoythetimeshewasspendingwithherownfamilywithoutworryingaboutMaggie,andTrinityhadhisownlifeaswell.Besides,therewasnothingthateitherofthemcouldreallydo.
Instead,dazedbyhernewreality,she’dspentmuchofthelasteightdayseitherinherapartmentoronshort,slowwalksthroughherneighborhood.Sometimesshesimplystaredoutthewindow,absentlyfondlingthesmallpendantonthenecklaceshealwayswore;othertimes,shefoundherselfpeople-watching.Whenshe’dfirstmovedtoNewYork,shehadbeenenthralledbytheceaselessactivityaroundher,byseeingpeoplerushingdownintothesubwayorpeeringupintoofficetowersatmidnightwiththeknowledgethatpeoplewerestillattheirdesks.Followingthehecticmovementsofpedestriansbelowherwindowbroughtbackmemoriesofherearlyadulthoodinthecityandtheyounger,healthierwomansheoncehadbeen.Itseemedlikealifetimehadpassedsincethen;italsofeltasthoughtheyearshadpassedintheblinkofaneye,andherinabilitytograspthatcontradictionmadehermoreself-reflectivethanusual.Time,shethought,wouldalwaysbeelusive.
Shehadn’texpectedthemiraculous—deepdown,she’dalwaysknownacurewasoutofthequestion—butwouldn’tithavebeengreattolearnthatthechemotherapyhadslowedthecanceralittleandboughtheranextrayearortwo?Orthatsomeexperimentaltreatmenthadbecomeavailable?Wouldthathavebeentoomuchtoask?Tohavebeengivenonelastintermissionbeforethefinalactbegan?
Thatwasthethingaboutbattlingcancer.Thewaiting.Somuchofthelastfewyearshadbeenaboutwaiting.Waitingfortheappointmentwiththedoctor,waitingfortreatment,waitingtofeelbetterafterthetreatment,waitingtoseewhetherthetreatmenthadworked,waitinguntilshewaswellenoughtotrysomethingnew.Untilherdiagnosis,she’dviewedwaitingforanythingasanirritation,butwaitinghadslowlybutsurelybecomethedefiningrealityofherlife.
Evennow,shesuddenlythought.HereIam,waitingtodie.
Onthesidewalk,beyondtheglass,shesawpeoplebundledupinwintergear,theirbreathmakingcloudsofsteamastheyhurriedtounknowndestinations;onthestreet,alonglineofcarswithglowingtaillightscrawledthroughnarrowlaneslinedbyprettybricktownhouses.Theywerepeoplegoingabouttheirdailylives,asthoughnothingoutoftheordinarywerehappening.Butnothingfeltordinarynow,andshedoubtedthingswouldeverfeelordinaryagain.
Sheenviedthem,thesestrangersshewouldnevermeet.Theywerelivingtheirliveswithoutcountingthedaystheyhadleft,somethingshewouldneverdoagain.And,asalways,thereweresomanyofthem.She’dgrownusedtothefactthateverythinginthecitywasalwayscrowded,nomatterthetimeortheseason,whichaddedinconveniencetoeventhesimplestthings.IfsheneededibuprofenfromDuaneReade,therewasalinetocheckout;ifshewasinthemoodtoseeamovie,therewasalineattheboxoffice,too.Whenitcametimetocrossthestreet,shewasinevitablysurroundedbyothers,peoplerushingandjostlingatthecurb.
Butwhytherush?Shewonderedaboutthatnow,justasshewonderedaboutsomanythings.Likeeveryone,shehadregrets,andnowthattimewasrunningout,shecouldn’thelpdwellingonthem.Therewereactionsshe’dtakenthatshewishedshecouldundo;therewereopportunitiesshe’dmissedandnowwouldneverhavethetimetodo.She’dspokenhonestlyaboutsomeofherregretsinoneofhervideos,admittingtofeelingunreconciledtothem,andnoclosertoanswersthanwhenshe’dinitiallybeendiagnosed.
NorhadshecriedsinceherlastmeetingwithDr.Brodigan.Instead,whenshewasn’tstaringoutthewindowortakingherwalks,she’dfocusedonthemundane.She’dsleptandslept—averagingfourteenhoursanight—andhadorderedChristmasgiftsonline.She’drecordedbuthadn’tyetpostedanotherCancerVideoconcerningherlastappointmentwithDr.Brodigan.She’dhadsmoothiesdeliveredandtriedtofinishthemasshesatinthelivingroom.Recentlyshe’deventriedtohavelunchatUnionSquareCafe.Ithadalwaysbeenoneofherfavoriteplacestograbadeliciousmealatthebar,butthevisitendedupbeingawaste,sinceeverythingthatcrossedherlipsstilltastedwrong.Cancer,takingyetanotherjoyfromherlife.
NowitwasaweekuntilChristmas,andwiththeafternoonsunbeginningtowane,shefelttheneedtogetoutoftheapartment.Shedressedinmultiplelayers,assumingshewouldstrollaimlesslyforabit,butonceshesteppedoutside,themoodtosimplywanderpassedasquicklyasithadcome.Instead,shestartedtowardthegallery.Thoughshewouldn’tdomuchwork,itwouldbecomfortingtoknowthatallwasinorder.
Thegallerywasseveralblocksawayandshemovedslowly,tryingtoavoidanyonewhomightbumpintoher.Thewindwasicyandbythetimeshepushedthroughthedoorsofthegalleryahalfhourbeforeclosing,shewasshivering.Itwasunusuallycrowded;she’dexpectedthattheholidayswoulddiminishthenumberofvisitors,butclearlyshe’dbeenwrongaboutthat.Luckily,Markseemedtohavethingsundercontrol.
Asalwayswhensheentered,headsturnedinherdirectionandshenoteddawninglooksofrecognitiononsomefaces.Sorry.Nottoday,folks,shesuddenlythought,offeringaquickwavebeforehurryingtoheroffice.Sheshutthedoorbehindher.Inside,therewasadeskandanofficechair,andoneofthewallsfeaturedbuilt-inbookcasespiledhighwithphotographybooksandkeepsakesfromherfar-flungtravels.Acrossfromthedeskwasasmallgrayloveseat,justbigenoughtocurluponifsheneededtoliedown.InthecornerstoodanornatelycarvedrockerwithfloweredcushionsthatLuannehadbroughtfromhercountryhouse,lendingatouchofwarmthtothemodernoffice.
Afterpilinghergloves,hat,andjacketonthedesk,Maggiereadjustedherkerchiefandcollapsedintoherofficechair.Turningonthecomputer,sheautomaticallycheckedtheweeklysalesfigures,notingthespikeinvolume,butrealizedshewasn’tinthemoodtostudythenumbersindetail.Instead,sheopenedanotherfolderandbeganclickingthroughherfavoritephotos,finallypausingataseriesofimagesshe’dtakeninUlanBator,Mongolia,lastJanuary.Atthetimeshe’dhadnoideaitwouldbethelastinternationaltripshewouldevertake.Thetemperaturehadbeenwellbelowzerotheentiretimeshewasthere,withbitingwindsthatcouldfreezeexposedskininlessthanaminute;ithadbeenanefforttokeephercameraworkingbecausethecomponentsgrewfinickyintemperaturesthatlow.Shecouldrememberrepeatedlytuckingthecamerainsideherjackettowarmitagainstherbody,butthephotographsweresoimportanttoher,she’dbravedtheelementsforalmosttwohours.
She’dwantedtofindwaystodocumentthepoisonouslevelsofairpollutionanditsvisibleeffectsonthepopulation.Inacityofamillionandahalfpeople,nearlyeveryhomeandbusinessburnedcoalthroughoutthewinter,darkeningtheskyeveninbrightestdaylight.Itwasahealthcrisisaswellasanenvironmentalone,andshe’dwantedherimagestospurpeopletoaction.She’dloggedcountlessphotographsofchildrencoveredingrimeasaresultofsteppingoutsidetoplay.She’dcaughtanamazingblack-and-whiteimageoffilthycloththathadbeenusedasdraperyforanopenwindow,dramatizingwhatwashappeninginsideotherwisehealthylungs.She’dalsosoughtoutastarkpanoramaofthecityandfinallynailedtheimageshewanted:abrilliantblueskythatsuddenly,immediatelygavewaytoapale,almostsicklyyellowhaze,asthoughGodhimselfhaddrawnaperfectlystraightline,dividingtheskyintwo.Theeffectwasutterlyarresting,especiallyafterthehoursshe’dspentrefiningitinpost.
Asshestaredattheimageinthesolaceofheroffice,sheknewshewouldneverbeabletodosomethinglikethatagain.Shewouldlikelynevertravelforworkagain;shemightneverevenleaveManhattan,unlessshegaveintoherparentsandreturnedtoSeattle.NorhadanythinginMongoliachanged.Inadditiontothephotoessaythatshe’dcontributedtotheNewYorker,anumberofmediaoutlets,includingScientificAmericanandtheAtlantic,hadalsotriedtoraiseawarenessregardingthedangerouslevelsofpollutioninUlanBator,buttheair,ifanything,hadgrownevenworseinthelastelevenmonths.Itwas,shethought,yetanotherfailureinherlife,justlikeherbattlewithcancer.
Thethoughtsshouldn’thavebeenconnected,butinthatinstant,theywere,andallatonceshefelttearsbegintoform.Shewasdying,shewasactuallydying,anditdawnedonhersuddenlythatshewasabouttoexperienceherverylastChristmas.
Whatshouldshebedoingwiththeselastpreciousweeks?Andwhatdidqualityoflifeevenmeanwhenitcametotheactualityofday-to-dayliving?Shewasalreadysleepingmorethanever,butdidqualitymeangettingmoresleeptofeelbetter,orlesssleepsothedaysseemedlonger?Andwhataboutherroutines?Shouldshebothermakinganappointmenttohaveherteethcleaned?Shouldshepayofftheminimumbalanceonhercreditcardsorgoonaspendingspree?Becausewhatdiditmatter?Whatdidanythingreallymatter?
Ahundredrandomthoughtsandquestionsoverranher;lostinallofit,shefeltherselfchokebeforelettinggocompletely.Shedidn’tknowhowlongtheoutburstlasted;timeslippedaway.Whenshewasfinallyspent,shestoodandswipedathereyes.Glancingthroughtheone-waywindowaboveherdesk,shenoticedthatthegalleryfloorwasempty,andthatthefrontdoorhadbeenlocked.Strangely,shedidn’tseeMark,eventhoughthelightswerestillon.Shewonderedwherehewasuntilsheheardaknockatthedoor.Evenhisknockwasgentle.
Sheconsideredmakinganexcuseuntiltheevidenceofherbreakdownhadsubsided,butwhybother?She’dlongsincestoppedcaringaboutherappearance;sheknewshelookedawfulevenatthebestoftimes.
“Comeonin,”shesaid.PullingaKleenexfromtheboxonherdesk,sheblewhernoseasMarksteppedthroughthedoor.
“Hey,”hesaid,hisvoicequiet.
“Hi.”
“Badtime?”
“It’sallright.”
“Ithoughtyoumightlikethis,”hesaid,holdingoutato-gocup.“It’sabanana-and-strawberrysmoothiewithvanillaicecream.Maybeit’llhelp.”
Sherecognizedthelabelonthecup—theeaterywastwodoorsdownfromthegallery—andwonderedhowhe’dknownhowshewasfeeling.Perhapshe’ddivinedsomethingwhenshe’dmadeabeelineforheroffice,ormaybehe’dsimplyrememberedwhatTrinityhadtoldhim.
“Thankyou,”shesaid,takingit.
“Areyouokay?”
“I’vebeenbetter.”Shetookasip,thankfulitwassweetenoughtooverridehermessed-uptastebuds.“Howwasittoday?”
“Busy,butnotasbadaslastFriday.Wesoldeightprints,includinganumberthreeofRush.”
Eachofherphotographswaslimitedtotwenty-fivenumberedprints;thelowerthenumber,thehighertheprice.ThephotoMarkmentionedhadbeentakenatrushhourintheTokyosubway,theplatformjammedwiththousandsofmendressedinwhatseemedtobeidenticalblacksuits.
“AnythingbyTrinity?”
“Nottoday,butIthinkthere’sagoodpossibilityofthatinthenearfuture.JackieBernsteincameinwithherconsultantearlier.”
Maggienodded.JackiehadboughttwootherTrinitypiecesinthepast,andTrinitywouldbepleasedtoknowshewasinterestedinanother.
“Howaboutonthewebsiteandphone-ins?”
“Sixconfirmed,twopeoplewantedmoreinformation.Itshouldn’ttakelongtogetthesalesreadyforshipment.Ifyouwanttoheadonhome,Icanhandleit.”
Assoonashesaidit,hermindfloatedadditionalquestions:DoItrulywanttogohome?Toanotherwiseemptyapartment?Towallowinsolitude?
“No,I’llstay,”shedemurred,shakingherhead.“Forawhile,anyway.”
Shesensedhiscuriositybutknewhewouldn’taskmore.Again,sheunderstoodtheinterviewshadleftalingeringmark.
“I’msureyou’vebeenfollowingmysocialpostsandvideos,”shebegan,“soyouprobablyhaveageneralsenseofwhat’sgoingonwithmyillness.”
“Notreally.Ihaven’twatchedanyofyourvideossinceIbeganworkinghere.”
Shehadn’texpectedthat.EvenLuannewatchedhervideos.“Whynot?”
“IassumedyouwouldpreferthatIdidn’t.AndwhenIconsideredyourinitialconcernsaboutmyworkinghere,itseemedliketherightthingtodo.”
“ButyoudidknowIunderwentchemotherapy,right?”
“Luannementionedit,butIdon’tknowthedetails.And,ofcourse,intheraretimesyouwereatthegallery,youlooked…”
Whenhetrailedoff,shefinishedforhim.“Likedeath?”
“Iwasgoingtosayyoulookedabittired.”
SureIdid.Ifgaunt,green,shrinking,andbaldingcouldbeexplainedbywakinguptooearly.Butsheknewhewastryingtobekind.“Doyouhaveafewminutes?Beforeyoustartgettingtheshipmentsready?”
“Ofcourse.Idon’thaveanythingplannedfortonight.”
Onanimpulse,shemovedtotherocker,motioningforhimtogetcomfortableontheloveseat.“Nogoingoutwithfriends?”
“It’skindofexpensive,”hesaid.“Andgoingoutusuallymeansdrinking,butIdon’tdrink.”
“Ever?”
“No.”CHAPTER1
Colin
ColinHancockstoodoverthesinkinthebathroomatthediner,hisshirtraisedtobetterexaminethebruiseonhisribs.Heguessedthatitwoulddeepentoadarkpurplebythetimehewoketomorrow.Evengrazingthebruisemadehimwince,andwhileheknewfromexperiencethatthepaincouldbeoverriddenforawhile,hewonderedwhetheritwouldhurttobreatheinthemorning.
Hisface,though…
Thatmightendupbeingaproblem—notforhim,butforothers.Certainlyhiscollegeclassmateswouldstareathimwithwide,frightenedeyesandwhisperabouthimbehindhisback,thoughhedoubtedthatanyofthemwouldactuallyaskhimwhathadhappened.Duringthefirstfewweeksattheuniversity,mostofhisclassmateshadseemedniceenough,butithadbeenclearthatnoneofthemknewwhattomakeofhim,norhadanytriedtospeaktohim.Notthatitbotheredhim.Foronething,virtuallyallofthemweresixorsevenyearsyoungerthanhewas,allwerefemale,andhesuspectedthatasfarasrecentlifeexperienceswent,theyhadlittleincommonwithhim.Intime,likeeveryoneelse,they’dendupdrawingtheirownconclusionsabouthim.Frankly,itwasn’tworthworryingabout.
Still,hehadtoadmitthathewasparticularlyghoulishrightnow.Hislefteyewasswollenandthewhiteofhisrighteyewasabloodyred.Therewasagashinthecenterofhisforeheadthathadbeengluedbacktogether,andthelead-coloredbruiseonhisrightcheekboneresembledabirthmark.Hissplit,swollenlipscompletedthepicture.Whathereallyneededwastoputanicepackonhisfaceassoonaspossibleifhewantedthegirlsinhisclassestobeabletoconcentrateatall.Butfirstthingsfirst;rightnow,hewasstarvedandheneededfuel.Hehadn’teatenmuchinthelasttwodays,andhe’dwantedsomethingfast,convenient,and—ifpossible—notentirelyunhealthy.Unfortunately,atthistimeofnightmostplaceswerealreadyclosed,sohe’dendedupatarun-downdinerjustoffthehighwaywithbarsonthewindows,waterstainsonthewalls,peelinglinoleumonthefloor,andboothsheldtogetherwithducttape.Butiftheplacehadonesavinggrace,itwasthatnoneoftheothercustomerscaredhowhelookedwhenhemadehiswaytothetable.Peoplewhocametodiveslikethislateatnightweregoodatmindingtheirownbusiness.Asfarashecouldtell,halfthepeoplehereweretryingtosoberupafteranightofharddrinking,whiletheotherhalf—designateddrivers,nodoubt—weresoberingup,too,onlymarginallylessintoxicated.
Itwasthekindofplacewhereitwouldhavebeeneasytogetintrouble,andafterhe’dturnedintothegravellotwithEvanfollowinginhisPrius,he’dhalfexpectedEvantokeepgoing.ButEvanmusthavesuspectedthesamethingaboutpossibletrouble.Itwastheonlyreasonhe’deversetfootinanestablishmentlikethis,especiallyatthistimeofnight.Evandidn’texactlyblendinwiththelate-eveningcrowdhere,whatwithhispinkshirt,argylesocks,leatherloafers,andneatlypartedsandyblondhair.Infact,hisPriusmightaswellhavebeenaneonsignannouncingthathisgoalwastogetbeatenupbythegoodoldboysinpickuptruckswho’djustspentmostofthenightgettingwasted.
Colinturnedonthefaucetandwethishandsbeforebringingthemtohisface.Thewaterwascold,exactlywhathewanted.Hisskinfeltlikeitwasonfire.Themarinehe’dfoughthadhitalotharderthanhe’dexpected—andthatdidn’tcounttheillegalblows—butwhowouldhaveknownbylookingathim?Tallandthin,jarheadhaircut,goofyeyebrows…Heshouldn’thaveunderestimatedtheguy,andhetoldhimselfhewouldn’tletithappenagain.Eitherthat,orhe’dendupscaringhisclassmatesallyearlong,whichjustmightruinthewholecollegeexperienceforthem.There’sthissuperscaryguyinmyclasswithbruisesalloverhisfaceandthesecrazytattoos,Mom!,hecouldimaginethemsayingonthephone.AndIhavetositrightnexttohim!
Heshookthewaterfromhishands.Leavingtherestroom,hespottedEvaninthecornerbooth.Unlikehim,Evanwouldhavefitrightinatthecollege.Hestillhadababyface,andasheapproached,Colinwonderedhowmanytimesaweekheevenhadtoshave.
“Thattookyoulongenough,”EvansaidasColinslidintothebooth.“Iwaswonderingifyougotlost.”
Colinslouchedagainstthevinylcushion.“Ihopeyouweren’ttoonervousallaloneouthere.”
“Ha,ha.”
“Ihaveaquestionforyou.”
“Goahead.”
“Howmanytimesaweekdoyoushave?”
Evanblinked.“Youwereinthebathroomfortenminutesandthat’swhatyouwerethinkingabout?”
“IwonderedaboutitwhileIwaswalkingtothetable.”
Evanstaredathim.“Ishaveeverymorning.”
“Why?”
“Whatdoyoumean,why?Forthesamereasonyoudo.”
“Idon’tshaveeverymorning.”
“Whyareweeventalkingaboutthis?”
“BecauseIwascuriousandIaskedandthenyouanswered,”Colinsaid.IgnoringEvan’sexpression,henoddedtowardthemenus.“Didyouchangeyourmindanddecidetoorder?”
Evanshookhishead.“Notachance.”
“You’renotgoingtoeatanything?”
“No.”
“Acidreflux?”
“Actually,ithasmoretodowithmysuspicionthatthelasttimethekitchenwasinspected,Reaganwaspresident.”
“It’snotthatbad.”
“Haveyouseenthecook?”
Colinglancedtowardthegrillbehindthecounter;thecookwasrightoutofcentralcasting,withagreasyapronstrainingtocoverhisamplegut,alongponytail,andtattooscoveringmostofhislowerarms.
“Ilikehistats.”
“Gee,there’sasurprise.”
“It’sthetruth.”
“Iknow.Youalwaystellthetruth.That’spartofyourproblem.”
“Whyisitaproblem?”
“Becausepeopledon’talwayswantthetruth.Likewhenyourgirlfriendasksifaparticularoutfitmakesherlookfat,youshouldtellhershelooksbeautiful.”
“Idon’thaveagirlfriend.”
“That’sprobablybecauseyoutoldthelastoneshelookedfatwithoutaddingthebeautifulpart.”
“That’snotwhathappened.”
“Yougetmypoint,though.Sometimes,youneedto…stretchthetruthtogetalongwithpeople.”
“Why?”
“Becausethat’swhatnormalpeopledo.That’sthewaysocietyworks.Youcan’tjusttellpeoplewhateverpopsintoyourmind.Itmakesthemuncomfortableorhurtstheirfeelings.Andjustsoyouknow,employershateit.”
“Okay.”
“Youdon’tbelieveme?”
“Ibelieveyou.”
“Butyoudon’tcare.”
“No.”
“Becauseyou’drathertellthetruth.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“It’swhatI’velearnedworksforme.”
Evanstayedsilentforamoment.“SometimesIwishIcouldbemorelikethat.JusttellmybosswhatIreallythinkofhimwithoutcaringabouttheconsequences.”
“Youcan.Youchoosenotto.”
“Ineedthepaycheck.”
“That’sanexcuse.”
“Maybe.”Evanshrugged.“Butit’swhatI’velearnedworksforme.Sometimeslyingisnecessary.Forinstance,ifItoldyouthatIsawacoupleofroachesunderthetablewhileyouwereinthebathroom,youmightfeelthesamewayabouteatingherethatIdo.”
“Youknowyoudon’thavetostay,right?I’llbeokay.”
“Soyousay.”
“Youneedtoworryaboutyourself,notme.Andbesides,it’sgettinglate.Aren’tyouheadingtoRaleighwithLilytomorrow?”
“Firstthinginthemorning.We’llgotoserviceatelevenwithmyparents,andhavebrunchrightafterwards.Butunlikeyou,Iwon’thaveanytroublegettingoutofbedtomorrowmorning.Youlookterrible,bytheway.”
“Thanks.”
“Youreye,especially.”
“Itwon’tbeasswollentomorrow.”
“Yourotherone.Ithinkyoupoppedafewbloodvessels.Eitherthat,oryou’reactuallyavampire.”
“Inoticedthat.”
Evanleanedback,spreadinghisarmsslightly.“Domeafavor,okay?Keepyourselfhiddenfromtheneighborstomorrow.I’dhateforthemtothinkIhadtogetroughonyouforbeinglateontherentorwhatever.Idon’twanttogetabadreputationasalandlord.”
Colinsmiled.HeoutweighedEvanbyatleastthirtypounds,andhelikedtojokethatifEvanhadeversetfootinagym,itwasprobablytoconductanaudit.
“Ipromisetostayoutofsight,”Colinoffered.
“Good.Consideringmyreputationandall.”
Justthen,thewaitresscameby,droppingoffaplateloadedwithscrambledeggwhitesandham,alongwithagelatinousbowlofoatmeal.AsColinpulledthebowlcloser,heglancedatEvan’smug.
“Whatareyoudrinking?”
“Hotwaterwithlemon.”
“Seriously?”
“It’spastmidnight.IfIhadcoffee,I’dbeupallnight.”
Colinscoopedabitofoatmealintohismouthbeforeswallowing.“Okay.”
“What?Nosnidecomment?”
“I’mjustsurprisedtheyhavelemonhere.”
“AndI’msurprisedtheydoscrambledeggwhites.You’reprobablythefirstpersoninhistorywho’severevenattemptedtoeatahealthymealhere.”Hereachedforhiswater.“Bytheway,whatareyouplanningtodotomorrow?”
“Ihavetochangetheignitionswitchinmycar.It’snotstartingthewayitshould.Afterthat,I’lldothelawnandthenhitthegym.”
“Doyouwanttocomewithus?”
“Brunchisn’treallymything.”
“Iwasn’tinvitingyoutobrunch.Idoubtthey’devenletyouinthecountryclublookingthewayyoudo.ButyoucouldseeyourparentsinRaleigh.Oryoursisters.It’sonthewaytoChapelHill.”
“No.”
“IjustthoughtI’dask.”
Colinscoopedaspoonfulofoatmeal.“Don’t.”
Evanleanedbackinhisseat.“Therewereafewgreatfightstonight,bytheway.Theoneafteryourswasawesome.”
“Yeah?”
“AguynamedJohnnyReesehadasubmissioninthefirstround.Tooktheguydownlikeastud,maneuveredhimintoachokehold,anditwaslightsout.Thedudemoveslikeacat.”
“Yourpointis?”
“He’swaybetterthanyou.”
“Okay.”
Evandrummedhisfingersonthetable.“So…areyouokaywithhowyourfightwenttonight?”
“It’sover.”
Evanwaited.“And?”
“That’sit.”
“Doyoustillthinkthatwhatyou’redoingisagoodidea?Imean…youknow.”
Colinscoopedabiteofeggsontohisfork.“I’mstillherewithyou,aren’tI?”
Halfanhourlater,Colinwasbackonthehighway.Thecloudsthathadbeenthreateningastormforthelastfewhoursfinallyobliged,releasingatorrentofwindandrainpunctuatedbylightningandthunder.EvanhadleftafewminutesbeforeColindid,andasColinsettledinbehindthewheeloftheCamarohe’dbeenrestoringoverthelastfewyears,hefoundhisthoughtsdriftingtohisfriend.
He’dknownEvanaslongashecouldremember.WhenColinwasyoung,hisfamilyusedtospendsummersatabeachcottageinWrightsvilleBeach,andEvan’sfamilylivedrightnextdoor.They’dpassedlong,sun-drencheddayswalkingthebeach,playingcatch,fishing,andeithersurfingorridingboogieboards.Moreoftenthannot,they’dspentthenightateachother’shouses,untilEvan’sfamilymovedtoChapelHillandColin’slifewentcompletelyinthetoilet.
Thefactswerefairlystraightforward:Hewasthethirdchildandonlysonofwealthyparentswithafondnessfornanniesandabsolutelynodesireforathirdchild.Hewasacolickybabyandthenahigh-energychildwitharagingcaseofADHD,thekindofkidwhothrewregulartempertantrums,couldn’tfocus,andfounditimpossibletositstill.Hedrovehisparentscrazyathome,ranoffonenannyafteranother,andstruggledendlesslyinschool.Hehadagreatteacherinthirdgradewhomadethingsbetterforawhile,butinfourthgrade,hestartedgoingdownhillagain.Hegotinonefightafteranotherontheplaygroundandwasnearlyheldback.Itwasaroundthattimethathecametoberegardedashavingseriousissues,andintheend,notknowingwhatelsetodo,hisparentsshippedhimofftomilitaryschool,hopingthestructurewoulddohimgood.Hisexperiencethatfirstyearwashorrific,andhewasexpelledhalfwaythroughthespringsemester.
Fromthere,hewassenttoanothermilitaryschoolinadifferentstate,andoverthenextfewyears,heexpendedhisenergiesincombatsports—wrestling,boxing,andjudo.Hetookhisaggressionoutonothers,sometimeswithtoomuchenthusiasm,oftenjustbecausehewantedto.Hecarednothingaboutgradesordiscipline.Fivemoreexpulsionsandfivedifferentmilitaryschoolslater,hegraduated,justbarely,asanangryandviolentyoungmanwithnoplansforhislifeandnointerestinfindingany.Hemovedbackinwithhisparentsandsevenbadyearsfollowed.Hewatchedhismothercryandlistenedtohisfatherpleadwithhimtochange,butheignoredthem.Heworkedwithatherapistathisparents’insistence,buthecontinuedhisdownwardspiral,subconsciousself-destructionhisprimarygoal.Thetherapists’words,nothis,thoughhenowagreedwiththem.WheneverhisparentskickedhimoutofthemainhouseinRaleigh,he’dcrashatthefamily’sbeachcottage,bidinghistimebeforereturninghome,thecyclebeginninganew.WhenColinwastwenty-five,hewasgivenonefinalchancetomakechangesinhislife.Unexpectedly,hedidjustthat.Andnowherehewas,incollegewithplanstospendthenextfewdecadesintheclassroom,hopingtobeamentortochildren,whichwouldmakenosenseatalltomostpeople.
Colinknewtherewasanironytohiswantingtospendtherestofhislifeinschool—aplacehe’dalwayshated—butthat’sthewayitwas.Hedidn’tdwellontheironyandhegenerallydidn’tdwellonthepast.Hewouldn’thavebeenthinkingofanyofthesethingsatallifithadn’tbeenforEvan’scommentaboutvisitinghisparentstomorrow.WhatEvanstilldidn’tgraspwasthatsimplybeinginthesameroomasthemwasstressfulforbothColinandhisparents—especiallyifthevisitwasn’tplannedwellinadvance.Hadheshownupunexpectedly,heknewthey’dsituncomfortablyinthelivingroomtryingtomakesmalltalkwhilememoriesofthepastfilledtheairbetweenthemlikeapoisonousgas.He’dfeelwavesofdisappointmentandjudgmentradiatingoutfromthem,apparentinthethingstheysaidordidn’tsay,andwhoneededthat?Hedidn’t,andneitherdidthey.Inthelastthreeyears,he’dtriedtokeephisinfrequentvisitstoaboutanhour,almostalwaysontheholidays,anarrangementthatseemedtosuitthemall.
Hisoldersisters,RebeccaandAndrea,hadtriedtotalktohimaboutmakingamendstohisparents,buthe’dshutdownthoseconversationsthesamewayhe’ddonewithEvan.Theirliveswiththeirparents,afterall,hadbeendifferentfromhis.They’dbothbeenwanted,whilehe’dbeenabigfatwhoopssevenyearslater.Heknewtheymeantwell,buthedidn’thavealotincommonwiththem.Bothofthemwerecollegegraduatesandmarriedwithkids.Theylivedinthesameupscaleneighborhoodastheirparentsandplayedtennisontheweekends.Theolderhe’dgotten,themorehe’dcometoacknowledgethatthechoicesthey’dmadeintheirownliveshadbeenalotsmarterthanhisown.Thenagain,theydidn’thaveseriousissues
Heknewthathisparents,likehissisters,wereessentiallygoodpeople.Ithadtakenhimyearsintherapytoacceptthefactthathe’dbeentheonewiththeproblems,notthem.Henolongerblamedhismotherandfatherforthethingsthathadhappenedtohimorforwhattheyhadorhadn’tdone;ifanything,heconsideredhimselfaluckysonoftwoincrediblypatientpeople.Sowhatifhe’dbeenraisedbynannies?Sowhatifhisfolkshadfinallythrowninthetowelandshippedhimofftomilitaryschool?Whenhe’dreallyneededthem,whenotherparentsprobablywouldhavegivenup,they’dneverlosthopethathecouldturnhislifearound.
Andthey’dputupwithhiscrapforyears.Seriouscrap.They’dignoredthedrinkingandthepotsmokingandthemusiccrankedwaytooloudatallhours;they’dputupwiththepartieshethrewwhenevertheywentoutoftownthatleftthehouseinshambles.They’doverlookedthebarfightsandmultiplearrests.Theynevercontactedtheauthoritieswhenhebrokeintothebeachcottage,eventhoughhedidseriousdamagetothatplaceaswell.They’dbailedhimoutmoretimesthanhecouldrememberandpaidhislegalbills,andthreeyearsago—whenColinwasfacingalongprisonsentenceafterabarfightinWilmington—hisdadhadpulledsomestringstostrikeadealthatwouldclearhiscriminalrecordentirely.If,ofcourse,Colindidn’tscrewitup.Aspartofhisprobation,Colinhadbeenrequiredtospendfourmonthsatananger-managementtreatmentfacilityinArizona.Uponhisreturnandbecausehisparentswouldn’tlethimstayattheirhome,he’dcrashedagainatthebeachcottage,whichbythenwasforsale.He’dalsobeenorderedtomeetregularlywithDetectivePeteMargolisfromtheWilmingtonpolicedepartment.ThemanwhomColinhadbeateninthebarwasalongtimeconfidentialinformantofMargolis’s,andasaresultofthefight,ahigh-profilecaseMargoliswasworkingonhadgonesuddenlysouth.Consequently,MargolishatedColinwithapassion.Havingarguedstronglyagainstthedealinthefirstplace,hetheninsistedonmonitoringColinregularlyandatrandom,likeamakeshiftprobationofficer.Finally,thedealstipulatedthatifColinwasarrestedagain,foranything,theentiretyofhisoriginalrecordwouldbereinstatedandhe’dautomaticallybesentencedtoprisonfornearlyadecade.
Despitetherequirements,despitehavingtodealwithMargolis,whoplainlyitchedtoplacehiminhandcuffs,itwasagreatdeal.Anunbelievabledeal,anditwasallthankstohisfather…evenifheandColinhadtroublespeakingthesedays.Colinwastechnicallybannedfromeversettingfootinthehouseagain,thoughhisdadhadsoftenedonthatparticularstancelately.Beingpermanentlykickedoutofthehouseafterhe’dreturnedfromArizonaandthenwatchingfromthestreetasnewownerstookpossessionofthebeachcottagehadforcedColintoreevaluatehislife.He’dendedupsleepingatfriends’placesbackinRaleigh,driftingfromonecouchtothenext.Littlebylittle,he’dcometotheconclusionthatifhedidn’tchangehislife,he’dself-destructentirely.Theenvironmenttherewasn’tgoodforhim,andhiscircleoffriendswasasoutofcontrolashewas.Withnowhereelsetogo,he’ddrivenbacktoWilmingtonandsurprisedhimselfbyshowingupatEvan’sdoor.EvanhadbeenlivingthereaftergraduatingfromNorthCarolinaStateandhadbeenequallysurprisedtoseehisoldfriend.Cautiousandabitnervous,too,butEvanwasEvan,andhehadnoproblemwithColinstayingathisplaceforawhile.
IttooksometimetoearnEvan’strustagain.Bythatpoint,theirliveshaddiverged.EvanwasalotmorelikeRebeccaandAndrea,aresponsiblecitizenwhoseonlyexperiencewithjailwaswhathe’dseenontelevision.Heworkedasanaccountantandfinancialplanner,andinkeepingwiththefiscallyprudentidealsofhisprofession,he’dalsopurchasedahousewithafirst-floorapartmentandseparateentrancetohelplowerhismortgagepayments,anapartmentthathappenedtobevacantwhenColinhadshownup.Colinhadn’tintendedtostaylong,butonethingledtoanotherandwhenhe’dgottenajobtendingbar,he’dmovedindownstairsforgood.Threeyearslater,hewasstillpayingrenttothebestfriendhehadintheworld.
Sofar,itwasworkingoutwell.Hemowedthelawnandtrimmedthebushesandpaidareasonablerentinreturn.Hehadhisownspacewithhisownentrance,butEvanwasrightthere,too,andEvanwasexactlywhatColinneededinhisliferightnow.Evanworeasuitandtietowork,hekepthistastefullydecoratedhousespotless,andheneverdrankmorethantwobeerswhenhewentout.Hewasalsojustaboutthenicestguyintheworld,andheacceptedColin,faultsandall.And—forGodknowswhatreason—hebelievedinhim,evenwhenColinknewhedidn’talwaysdeserveit.
Lily,Evan’sfiancée,wasprettymuchcutfromthesamecloth.Thoughsheworkedinadvertisingandhadherowncondoatthebeach—herparentshadboughtitforher—shespentenoughtimeatEvan’stohavebecomeanimportantpartofColin’slife.Ithadtakenherawhiletowarmuptohim—whenthey’dfirstmet,ColinhadbeensportingablondMohawkandhadpiercingsinbothears,andtheirinitialconversationhadcenteredaroundabarfightinRaleighwheretheotherguyhadendedupinthehospital.Forawhile,shesimplycouldn’tcomprehendhowEvancouldeverbefriendswithhim.ACharlestondebutantewho’dattendedcollegeatMeredith,Lilywasprimandpolite,andthephrasessheusedwereathrowbacktoanearlierera.Shewasalsojustaboutthemostdrop-deadgorgeousgirlColinhadeverseen,anditwasnowonderthatEvanwasputtyinherhands.Withherblondhairandblueeyesandanaccentthatsoundedlikehoneyevenwhenshewasangry,sheseemedlikethelastpersonintheworldwhowouldgiveColinachance.Andyet,shehad.AndlikeEvan,shehadeventuallycometobelieveinhim.IthadbeenLilywho’dsuggestedthathestarttakingclassesatthejuniorcollegetwoyearsago,andithadbeenLilywho’dtutoredhimintheevenings.Andontwoseparateoccasions,ithadbeenLilyandEvanwhohadkeptColinfrommakingthekindofimpulsivemistakethatmighthavelandedhiminprison.Helovedherforthosethings,justashelovedtherelationshipbetweenherandEvan.He’dlongsincedecidedthatifanyoneeverthreatenedthetwooftheminanyway,hewouldhandleit,nomatterwhattheconsequences,evenifitmeanthe’dhavetospendtherestofhislifebehindbars.
Butallgoodthingscometoanend.Isn’tthatwhatpeoplesaid?Thelifehe’dlivedforthelastthreeyearswasgoingtochange,ifonlybecauseEvanandLilywereengaged,withplansforaspringweddingalreadyintheworks.Whilethey’dbothinsistedthatColincouldcontinuetoliveinthedownstairsapartmentaftertheyweremarried,healsoknewthey’dspentthepreviousweekendwalkingthroughmodelhomesinasubdivisionclosertoWrightsvilleBeach,withhomesthatfeaturedthekindofdoubleporchescommoninCharleston.Theybothwantedkids,theybothwantedthewholewhite-picket-fencething,andColinhadnodoubtthatwithinayear,Evan’scurrenthousewouldbeforsale.Afterthat,Colinwouldbeonhisownagain,andwhileheknewitwasn’tfairtoexpectEvanandLilytoberesponsibleforhim,hesometimeswonderedwhethertheywereawareofhowimportantthey’dbecometohiminthelastfewyears.
Liketonight,forinstance.Hehadn’taskedEvantocometothefight;thathadbeenEvan’sidea.NorhadheaskedEvantositwithhimwhileheate.ButEvanprobablysuspectedthathadhenotdonethosethings,Colinmighthaveendedupatabarinsteadofthediner,unwindingwithshotsinsteadofmidnightbreakfast.AndthoughColinworkedasabartender,beingontheothersideofthebardidn’texactlyworkforhimthesedays.
Finallyexitingthehighway,Colinsteeredontoawindingcountyroad,loblollypineandredoakminglingoneitherside,kudzuplayingnofavoritesbetweenthetwo.Itwaslessashortcutthananattempttoavoidanendlessseriesofstoplights.Lightningcontinuedtostrike,turningthecloudssilverandilluminatingthesurroundingsinotherworldlystrobes.Therainandwindintensified,thewipersbarelykeepingthewindshieldclear,butheknewthisroadwell.Heeasedintooneofitsmanyblindcurvesbeforeinstinctivelystompingonthebrakes.
Upahead,acarwithstorageracksacrosstheroofwashalfwayofftheroadatacockeyedangle,itshazardsflashing.Thetrunkstoodproppedopentotheelements.AstheCamaroslowed,Colinfelttherearfishtailslightlybeforethetirescaughtagain.Hemergedintotheoncominglanetogivethecarawideberth,thinkingthattheguycouldn’thavepickedaworsetimeandplacetobreakdown.Notonlywasthestormlimitingvisibility,butdrunksliketheonesbackatthedinerwouldbesettingoutforhomerightaboutnow,andhecouldimagineoneofthemtakingthecornertoofastandplowingintothebackofthecar.
Notgood,hethought.Itwasdefinitelyanaccidentwaitingtohappen,butatthesametime,itwasn’thisbusiness.Itwasn’thisjobtorescuestrangers,andheprobablywouldn’tbemuchhelpanyway.Heunderstoodtheengineinhiscar,butonlybecausetheCamarowasolderthanhewas;modernengineshadmoreincommonwithcomputers.Besides,thedriverhadnodoubtalreadycalledforhelp.
Asherolledslowlypastthestoppedcar,however,henoticedthereartirewasflatandbehindthetrunk,awoman—soakedtotheboneinjeansandashort-sleevedblouse—wasstrugglingtoremovethesparetirefromitscompartment.Lightningflashed,alongseriesofflickeringcamerastrobesthatcapturedhermascara-streakeddistress.Inthatinstant,herealizedthatherdarkhairandwide-seteyesremindedhimofoneofthegirlsinhisclasses,andhisshouldersslumped.
Agirl?Whydidithavetobeagirlintroubleouthere?Forallheknew,itwasthegirlinhisclass,andhecouldn’tverywellpretendhehadn’tnoticedthatsheneededhelp.Hereallydidn’tneedthisrightnow,butwhatchoicedidhehave?
Withasigh,hepulledovertothesideoftheroad,leavingsomedistancebetweenhercarandhis.Heturnedonhishazardsandgrabbedhisjacketfromthebackseat.Bythentherainwascomingdowninsheets,instantlysoakinghimasheexited,likethediagonalsprayofanoutdoorshower.Runningahandthroughhishair,hetookadeepbreathandthenstartedtowardhercar,calculatinghowquicklyhecouldchangethetireandbeontheroadagain.
“Needahand?”hecalled.
Surprisinghim,shedidn’tsayanything.Instead,staringathimwithstrickeneyes,sheletgoofthetireandbeganslowlybackingaway.CHAPTER2
Maria
Inthepast,whenshe’dworkedintheMecklenburgCountydistrictattorney’soffice,MariaSanchezhadbeeninthecourtroomwithanynumberofcriminals,someofwhomhadbeenchargedwiththekindsofviolentcrimesthatkeptherawakeatnight.She’dhadnightmaresaboutvariouscasesandhadbeenthreatenedbyasociopath,butthesimplefactwasthatshe’dneverbeenquiteasfrightenedbackthenasshefeltrightnowonthisdesertedstretchasthatcar,drivenbythatguy,suddenlypulledtothesideoftheroad.
Itdidn’tmatterthatshewastwenty-eight,orthatshe’dgraduatedsummacumlaudefromUNCChapelHill,orthatshe’dgonetolawschoolatDuke.Itdidn’tmatterthatshe’dbeenarisingstarinthedistrictattorney’sofficebeforefindingotherworkatoneofthebestlegalfirmsinWilmington,orthatuntilthatmoment,she’dalwayshadaprettygoodhandleonheremotions.Assoonashesteppedoutofthecar,allthosetruthswentoutthewindowandtheonlythingshecouldthinkwasthatshewasayoungwomanallaloneinthemiddleofnowhere.Whenhebegantowalktowardher,panicfloodedthroughher.I’mgoingtodieouthere,shesuddenlyrealized,andnoone’severgoingtofindmybody.
Momentsearlier,whenhiscarhadslowlydriftedpasthers,she’dseenhimstaringather—almostleering,likehewassizingherup—andherfirstthoughtwasthathe’dbeenwearingamask,whichwasterrifyingenough,butwaylessscarythanthesuddenrealizationthatshe’dactuallyseenhisface.Itwasbruisedonbothsides;oneeyewasswollenshut,theotheronebrightredandbloody.Shewasprettysurethatevenmorebloodwasdrippingdownhisforehead,andithadbeenallshecoulddonottostartscreaming.Butforwhateverreason,notasoundescapedher.FortheloveofGod,sherememberedthinkingassoonashe’dpassed,pleasekeepgoing.Whateveryoudo,pleasedon’tstop.
ButobviouslyGodhadn’tbeenlistening.WhywouldGodintervenetokeepherfromendingupdeadinaditchoutinthemiddleofnowhere?Hewouldn’t.Instead,He’ddecidedtohavetheguypullover,andnowamanwithamangledfacewasglidingtowardherlikesomethingoutofalow-budgethorrorfilm.Orprison,fromwhichhe’djustescaped,becausetheguywaspositivelyripped,andwasn’tthatwhatprisonersdid?Liftweightsallthetime?Hishaircutwassevere,almostmilitarystyle—thesignatureofoneofthegangsinprisonshe’dheardabout?TherattyblackconcertT-shirtdidn’thelp,nordidthetorn-upjeans,andthewayhewasholdinghisjacketfreakedherout.Inthisstorm,whywasn’thewearingit?Maybehewasusingittohide…
Aknife.
Or,Godforbid,agun…
Asqueakescapedherthroatandhermindbeganracingthroughoptionsasshetriedtofigureoutwhattodo.Tossthetireathim?Shecouldn’tevengetthethingoutofthetrunk.Screamforhelp?Therewasnoonenearby,notasinglecarhadpassedinthelasttenminutes,andshe’dlefthercellphoneGodknowswhereorshewouldn’thavebeentryingtochangethetireinthefirstplace.Run?Maybe,buttheliquideasewithwhichhemovedsuggestedhe’deasilycatchher.Theonlythingshecoulddowasgetbackintothecarandlockthedoors,buthewasalreadyrightthere,andtherewasnowaytogetpasthim…
“Needahand?”
Itwasthesoundofhisvoicethatjoltedheroutofhertrance.Lettinggoofthetire,shebeganbackingaway,focusingonlyoncreatingdistancebetweenthetwoofthem.Lightningflashedagainandshenoticedablanknessinhisexpression,almostlikesomethingelementalwasmissinginhispersonality,thepiecethatsignaledthatitwasn’tokaytorapeandkillwomen.
“Whatdoyouwantwithme?”shefinallychokedout.
“Idon’twantanything,”heanswered.
“Thenwhatareyoudoinghere?”
“Ithoughtyoumightneedsomehelpchangingyourtire.”
“I’mfine,”shesaid.“Icanhandleitmyself.”
Helookedfromhertotheflattire,thenbacktoheragain.“Okay.Goodnight,”hesaid.Wheelingaround,hestartedbacktowardhiscar,hisfiguresuddenlyreceding.Hisreactionwassounexpectedthatforasecondshefeltparalyzed.Hewasleaving?Whywasheleaving?Shewasgladaboutthat—actually,shewasthrilledaboutthat—andyet,andyet…
“I’mhavingtroublegettingthetireoutofthetrunk!”shesaid,hearingthepanicinherownvoice.
Heturnedonhisheelashereachedhiscar.“Seemslikeit.”Hereachedforhisdoorandpulleditopen,readytoclimbin—
“Wait!”shesuddenlycried.
Hesquintedatherthroughthedownpour.“Why?”hecalledback.
Why?Shewasn’tsureshe’dheardhimright.Butthenagain,she’dtoldhimshedidn’tneedanyhelp.Andshedidn’t,exceptthatshedid,butitwasn’tasthoughshecouldcallanyone,andwithherthoughtsracingandjumbled,thenextwordsspilledoutinvoluntarily.
“Doyouhaveaphone?”sheshouted.
Heclosedsomeofthegapbetween,stoppingwhenhecouldbeheardwithoutshouting,butnotgettingtooclose.ThankGod.“Yes,”heanswered.
Sheshiftedfromonefoottotheother,thinkingNowwhat?“Ilostmyphone,”shesaid.“Imean,Ididn’tloseloseit.”Sheknewshewasrambling,butthewayhekeptstaringathermadethewordsimpossibletostop.“It’seitherattheofficeorIleftitatmyparents’,butIwon’tknowforsureuntilIgettomyMacBook.”
“Okay.”Headdednothingelse;instead,hestoodunmoving,hiseyessteadyonhers.
“IusethatFindMyiPhonething.Theapp,Imean.Icantrackmyphonebecauseit’ssyncedwiththecomputer.”
“Okay.”
“Well?”
“Wellwhat?”
“CanIborrowyoursforaminute?Iwanttocallmysister.”
“Sure,”heanswered.Hetuckedthephoneintothefoldsofhisjacketandashebegantoapproach,shereflexivelytookanotherstepbackward.Heplacedthejacketonthehoodofhercarandgesturedatit.
Shehesitated.Hewasdefinitelyodd,butsheappreciatedthefactthathe’dsteppedaway.ShehurriedtothebundleandfoundhisiPhonetuckedinside,thesamemodelashers.Whenshepressedthebutton,thescreenlitupandsureenough,hewasgettingservice.Butitwouldn’tdoanygoodunless…
“Five-six-eight-one,”heoffered.
“You’regivingmeyourcode?”
“Youcan’taccessthephonewithoutit,”henoted.
“Aren’tyouworriedaboutgivingittoastranger?”
“Areyougoingtostealmyphone?”
Sheblinked.“No.Ofcoursenot.”
“ThenI’mnotworried.”
Shewasn’tsurewhattosaytothat,butwhatever.Shetypedinthecodewithtremblingfingersanddialedhersister.Bythethirdring,sheknewshe’dgetSerena’svoicemail.Mariadidherbesttokeepherfrustrationincheckassheleftamessage,explainingwhathadhappenedtothecarandaskinghersistertocomepickherup.Shetuckedthephonebackintothejacketonthehoodandthensteppedaway,watchinghim.
“Noanswer?”heasked.
“She’scoming.”
“Okay.”Whenthelightningflashedagain,hemotionedtowardtherearofhercar.“Whileyou’rewaitingforher,doyouwantmetochangeyourtire?”
Sheopenedhermouthtoagaindeclinehisoffer,butwhoknewwhen—orif—Serenawouldgethermessage?Andthentherewasthefactthatshe’dneveractuallychangedatireinherlife.Insteadofanswering,sheletoutabreath,tryingtokeepthetremorfromhervoice.“CanIaskyouaquestion?”
“Yes.”
“What…whathappenedtoyourface?”
“Iwasinafight.”
Shewaitedafewbeatsbeforefinallyrealizinghewasn’tgoingtoaddanythingelse.That’sit?Nofurtherexplanation?Hisdemeanorwassoutterlyforeign,shewasn’tsurewhattomakeofit.Ashestoodinplace,obviouslywaitingfortheanswertohisearlierquestion,sheglancedatthetrunk,wishingsheactuallyknewhowtochangeatire.
“Yes,”shefinallysaid.“Ifyouwouldn’tmind,I’dlovesomehelpchangingthetire.”
“Okay.”Henodded.Shewatchedashereachedforthebundleonthehoodandtuckedhisphonebackintohispocketbeforeslippinghisjacketon.“You’reafraidofme,”hesaid.
“What?”
“You’reafraidI’mgoingtohurtyou.”Whenshesaidnothing,hewenton.“Iwon’t,butwhetheryoubelievethatisuptoyou.”
“Whyareyoutellingmethis?”
“BecauseifI’mgoingtochangeyourtire,I’mgoingtohavetoapproachthetrunk.WhichmeansI’llbeapproachingyou,too.”
“I’mnotafraidofyou,”shelied.
“Okay.”
“I’mnot.”
“Okay,”hesaidagain,thenstartedtowardher.Shefeltherheartsqueezeashepassedwithinarm’sreachofher,onlytofeelfoolishwhenhewalkedrightpastwithoutslowing.Heunscrewedsomething,thenliftedthesparetireoutandsetitasidebeforehedisappearedbehindthetrunkagain,nodoubttoretrievethejack.
“Oneofusneedstomoveyourcarontotheroad,”hesaid.“ItneedstobelevelbeforeIgetthejackgoing,otherwisethecarmightslip.”
“ButI’vegotaflattire.”
Hepeekedaroundtheside,jackinhand.“Itwon’thurtthecar.Justgoslow.”
“Butitwillblockmostofthelane.”
“It’sblockinghalfthelanealready.”
Hehadapointthere…but…
Butwhatifthatwasallpartofhisplan?Todistracthersomehow?Togethertoturnherback?
Aplanthatincludedlettingmeusehisphone?Andremovingthetirefromthetrunk?
Rattledandself-conscious,shegotintothecarandstartedtheengine,slowlybutsurelyedgingitbackontotheroadandsettingtheemergencybrake.Bythetimesheopenedthedoor,hewasrollingthesparetowardthereartire,lugwrenchinhand.
“Youcanstayinthecarifyouwant,”hesaid.“Thisshouldn’ttakelong.”
Shedebatedbeforeclosingthedoor,thenspentseveralminuteswatchinginthesidemirrorashecontinuedtoloosentheboltsbeforeslidingthejackintoplace.Amomentlater,shecouldfeelthecarliftingslightly,bouncingitswayslowlyupwardandthenstopping.Shewatchedashefinishedunscrewingtheboltsbeforeslidingthetireoff,justasthestormbegantointensify,rainblowingingustysheets.Thesparewentonquickly,alongwiththebolts,andthenallatonce,thecarwasbeingloweredagain.Heplacedtheflattirebackinhertrunkalongwiththejackandthelugwrench,andshefelthimgentlypushthetrunkclosed.Andjustlikethat,itwasover.Still,shestartledalittlewhenhetappedonherwindow.Sheloweredtheglassandrainbegantospitthroughtheopening.Withhisfacestillshadowed,itwasalmostpossibletoseepastthebruisesandtheswellingandthebloodyeye.Almost,butnotentirely.
“You’regoodtogo,”heshoutedoverthegale,“butyoushouldprobablygetthetirefixedorreplaceitsoonerratherthanlater.Yourspareisn’tmeanttobeusedpermanently.”
Shenodded,butbeforeshecouldthankhim,hehadalreadyturnedandwasjoggingtowardhiscar.Hejerkedhisdooropenandslidbehindthewheel.Sheheardtheroarofhisengineandthen—beforesheknewit—shewasaloneontheroadagain,albeitnowinacarthatwouldgetherhome.
“Iheardthephonering,butIdidn’trecognizethenumbersoIletitgotovoicemail,”Serenasaidinbetweensipsoforangejuice.Besideheratthetableonthebackporch,Marianursedacupofcoffee,themorningsunlightalreadywarmingtheair.“Sorryaboutthat.”
“Well,nexttime,justanswer,okay?”
“Can’tdothat.”Serenasmiled.“Whatifitwassomecrazypersontryingtoreachme?”
“Thatwastheproblem!IwaswithacrazypersonandIneededyoutorescueme.”
“Itdoesn’tsoundlikeit.Hesoundslikeaniceguy.”
Mariaglaredatherovertherimofhercoffeemug.“Youdidn’tseehim.Trustme.I’veseenscarypeople,andhewasbeyondscary.”
“Hetoldyouhe’dbeeninafight…”
“Andthat’sthepoint.He’sobviouslyviolent.”
“Buthewasn’ttheleastbitviolenttowardyou—yousaidhedidn’tevengonearyouatfirst.Andthenheletyouborrowhisphone.Andafterthat,hechangedyourtireandthengotbackinhiscaranddroveaway.”
“You’remissingthepoint.”
“Whatpoint?Thatyoushouldn’tjudgeabookbyitscover?”
“I’mbeingserioushere!”
Serenalaughed.“Wow,someone’stouchy.AndyouknowI’mjustteasingyou.Ifitwasmeoutthere,Iprobablywouldhavepeedmypants.Brokencar,desertedroad,nophone,bloodonsomestranger’sface…it’slikeeverygirl’sworstnightmare.”
“Exactly.”
“Didyoueverfindyourphone?”
“It’sattheoffice.Probablystillonmydesk.”
“Youmeanit’sbeentheresinceFriday?Andyoudidn’trealizeyoudidn’thaveituntilSaturdaynight?”
“So?”
“Iguessnottoomanypeoplecallyou,huh?”
“Ha,ha.”
Serenashookherhead,thenreachedforherphone.“Ican’tlivewithoutmine,justsoyouknow.”ShesnappedaquickphotoofMaria.
“What’sthatfor?”
“Instagram.”
“Seriously?”
Serenawasalreadytappingaway.“Don’tworry.It’llbefunny,”sheaddedbeforepresentingtheimageandcaption.“Maria,aftersurvivingNightmareonDarkStreet.”
“You’renotgoingtopostthat,areyou?”
“Alreadydid.”Serenawinked.
“You’vegottostoppostingaboutme.I’mserious.Whatifoneofmyclientsfindsit?”
“Thenblameme.”Sheshrugged.“Where’sDad,bytheway?”
“He’sstillwalkingCopo,”shesaid.Copowasafemale,nearlyall-whiteshihtzu.AfterSerenahadmovedtothedorms,sheandMariahadreturnedhomeoneChristmastofindthattheirparentshadpurchasedadog.NowCopowentpracticallyeverywherewiththem:totherestaurant—whereshehadherownbedintheoffice—tothesupermarket,eventotheaccountant.Copowasfarmorespoiledthaneitherofthegirlshadeverbeen.
“Istillcan’tgetoverit,”Serenamuttered.“Theylovethatdog.”
“Yathink?”
“DidyounoticetherhinestonecollarMombought?Ialmostgagged.”
“Benice.”
“Iambeingnice!”Serenasaid.“Ijustneverpicturedthemowningadoginthefirstplace.Weneverhadonegrowingup,andIbeggedthemforoneforyears.Ievenpromisedtotakecareofit.”
“That’sbecausetheyknewyouwouldn’t.”
“ImightnothaveskippedagradeandgonetocollegewhenIwasseventeenlikeyou,butI’mprettysureIcouldhavehandledadog.AndI’llhaveyouknowthatI’mintherunningfortheCharlesAlexanderScholarshipnextyear.”
“Mmm,right.”Mariaraisedaskepticaleyebrow.
“I’mserious.It’sforbilingualeducationmajors.Ifilledouttheapplication,wroteanessay,gotrecommendationsfromtwoofmyprofessorsandeverything.It’ssponsoredbyaprivatefoundation,andIhaveaninterviewwiththechairmannextSaturday.Sothere.”Shecrossedherarms.
“Wow.That’sgreat.”
“Don’ttellDad,though.Iwanttosurprisehim.”
“He’dbethrilledifyouwon.”
“Iknow,right?Justthinkhowmanymorecollarsthey’dbeabletobuyCopoifhedidn’thavetopaytuition.”
Marialaughed.Inside,theycouldheartheirmotherhummingtoherselfinthekitchen,thesmellofhuevosrancherosdriftingthroughtheopenwindow.
“Butanyway,”Serenawenton,“backtolastnight.Whywereyououtsolate?That’swaypastyournormalbedtime.”
Mariascowledathersisterbeforefiguringthatshemightaswellgetitoverwith.“Actually,Iwasonadate.”
“Noway.”
“What’sthebigdeal?”
“Nothing.Ijustthoughtthatyou’dmadethedecisiontobecelibate.”
“Whywouldyousaythat?”
“Hello?DidyouforgetwhoIwastalkingto?”
“Igoout.”
“Youmightpaddleboard,butyoudon’tgooutatnight.Instead,youwork.Youread.YouwatchbadTV.Youdon’tevengodancinganymore,andyouusedtolovethat.AndItriedtogetyoutocometothatwarehousewithme,remember?WiththesalsadancingonSaturdaynights?”
“AsIrecall,yousaidtherewerealotofcreepyguysthere.”
“ButIalsohadalotoffun.Andunlikeyou,I’mterribleatdancing.”
“Notallofusareincollege,youknow,withclassesthatstartatnoonandFridaysoff.Someofushaveresponsibilities.”
“Yeah,yeah,I’veheardthatbefore,”Serenasaid,wavingitoff.“Itakeityoudidn’tgetlucky?”
Mariapeekedoverhershouldertowardthepartiallyopenwindow,makingsurehermotherwasn’tlistening.
Serenarolledhereyes.“You’reanadult,youknow.Youdon’thavetohideyoursociallifefromMomandDadanymore.”
“Yeah,well,we’vealwaysbeenalittledifferentinthatway.”
“What?YouthinkItellthemeverything?”
“Ihopenot.”
Serenastifledagiggle.“Sorryyourdatedidn’tworkout.”
“Howdoyouknow?Maybeitdid.”
“Idon’tthinkso,”Serenasaid,shakingherhead.“Otherwiseyouwouldn’thavebeenheadinghomealone.”
Oops,Mariathought.Serenahadalwaysbeenquick-thinking,butmorethanthat,shewasendowedwithacommonsensethatsometimeseludedMaria.
“Hello?”Serenaadded.“Anyonehome?Iwasaskingaboutyourdate.”
“Idon’tthinkhe’llbecallingme.”
Serenafeignedcompassion,thoughheramusedcynicismwasapparent.“Why?Didyoubringyourcomputerandworkthewholetime?”
“No.Anditwasn’tme.Itwasjust…bad.”
“Talktome,bigsister.Tellmeallaboutit.”
Mariasurveyedthebackyard,reflectingthatSerenawastheonlypersonintheworldshecouldreallytalkto.“There’sreallynotthatmuchtotell.Forstarters,Ididn’tplanonhavingadateinthefirstplace—”
“No!You?”
“Doyouwanttohearthisornot?”
“Mymistake.”Serenagrinned.“Goon.”
“YourememberJill,right?Myfriendfromwork?”
“Supersmart,cominguponfortyanddyingtogetmarried,funnyashell?TheonewhocameoverforbrunchandscoopedCopoupandalmostgaveDadaheartattack?”
“Yes.”
“No,Idon’trememberher.”
“Anyway,”Mariasaid,“wewerehavinglunchafewdaysagoandsheconvincedmetojoinherandherboyfriend,Paul,fordinner,afterIgotbackfromtheconference.Butunbeknownsttome,itturnsoutthattheyhadalsoinvitedoneofPaul’sfriendsfromworktojoinus,and—”
“Wait,backup.Wastheguyhot?”
“Hewasdefinitelyhandsome.Buttheproblemwas,heknewit.Hewasrudeandarrogantandheflirtedwiththewaitressallnightlong.IthinkheevengotherphonenumberwhileIwassittingbesidehim.”
“Classy.”
“JillwasasmortifiedasIwas,butthestrangethingwas,I’mnotsurethatPaulevennoticed.Maybeitwasthewineorwhatever,buthekeptsayingthatthefourofusshouldheadouttoaclubafterwardsandthathewassogladweweregettingalong,thathejustknewwe’dbeperfectforeachother.Whichisstrange,becausehe’snotnormallylikethat.Usuallyhe’squietandJillandIdoallthetalking.”
“Maybehejustlikeshisfriend.Ormaybehethoughtthatyouandhisfriendwouldmakeprettybabiesandyoumightnameoneafterhim.”
Despiteherself,Marialaughed.“Maybe.Butanyway,Idon’tthinkI’mhistype.I’mprettysurehe’dbemorecomfortablewithsomeone…”
WhenMariatrailedoff,Serenafinished.“Dumber?”
“Iwasthinkingblonder,likethewaitress.”
“Yeah,well,justsoyouknow,that’salwaysbeenpartofyourproblemwhenitcomestoguys.You’retoosmart.Andtoguys,that’skindofintimidating.”
“Notallguys.LuisandIweretogetherforovertwoyears.”
“Weretogether,”Serenasaid.“Thosearetheoperativewords.Andjustsoyouknow?Hemayhavebeensexyashell,butLuiswasatotalloser.”
“Hewasn’tthatbad.”
“Don’tstartgettingallnostalgicaboutthegoodthingsabouthim.Itwasn’tlikeyoueverhadafuturewithhimandyouknowit.”
Marianodded,knowingSerenawasrightbutindulgingmomentarilyinabitofnostalgiaanywaybeforeshuttingitdown.“Yeah,well,liveandlearn.”
“I’mjustgladyoudecidedtostartdatingagain.”
“Ididn’t.JillandPauldecidedforme.”
“Whatever.Youneedtobe…”
WhileSerenasearchedfortherightwords,Mariasuggested,“Morelikeyou?”
“Whynot?Goingout,enjoyinglife,makingfriends?Itbeatsworkingallthetime.”
“Howwouldyouknow?Youonlyworkacoupleofshiftsaweek.”
“Goodpoint.I’mjustmakinganassumptionbasedonyourlackofasociallife.”
“Believeitornot,Iactuallylikeworking.”
“I’llmakesuretoputthatonyourtombstone,”Serenasaid.“How’sworkgoing,bytheway?”
Mariashiftedinherseat,wonderinghowmuchtosay.“It’sallright.”
“Youjustsaidyoulikedit.”
“Ido,but…”
“Letmeguess…theconference,right?Theoneyouwenttowithyourboss?”WhenMarianodded,Serenawenton.“Wasitasawfulasyouthoughtitmightbe?”
“Notexactlyawful,but…”
“Didhehitonyou?”
“Sortof,”Mariaadmitted.“Butitwasn’tanythingIcouldn’thandle.”
“Thisistheguywho’smarried?Withthreekids?”
“That’stheone.”
“Youneedtotellhimtoknockitoff.Threatenhimwithsexualharassment,orwhatever.”
“It’smorecomplicatedthanthat.Fornow,it’sprobablybetterformeifIjusttrytoignoreit.”WhenaslightsmirkbegantoplayacrossSerena’slips,Mariawenton.“What?”
“Iwasjustthinkingthatyoureallyhaveawaywithmen.Youroldboyfriendcheatedonyou,yourlatestdateflirtswithothergirls,andmeanwhile,yourbosswon’tstophittingonyou.”
“Welcometomyworld.”
“Ofcourse,it’snotallbad.Youmetaniceguylastnight.Thekindofguywhohelpsawomaninhertimeofneed,despitearagingstorm…”
WhenMariascowled,Serenalaughedandwenton.“IreallywishIcouldhaveseenyourface.”
“Itwasn’tpretty.”
“Andyethereyouare,safeandsound,”Serenaremindedher.“AndI’mhappyaboutthat,ifonlysothatyouhavecontinuedaccesstomywisdom.”
“Youreallyneedtoworkonyourself-esteemissues,”Mariasaidsourly.
“Iknow,right?Butseriously,I’mgladyoumovedbacktotown.Thesebruncheswouldbedeadlyifyouweren’there.HavingyouaroundgivesMomandDadsomeoneelsetoworryabout.”
“I’mgladIcanbeofservicetoyou.”
“Iappreciateit.Andbesides,we’vehadachancetogettoknoweachotherbetter.”
“We’vealwaysknowneachother.”
“YouwentofftocollegewhenIwasten.”
“AndIcamehomealmosteveryweekend,andspenteveryvacationhere.”
“That’strue.Youwerekindofwimpylikethat.Forthefirstcoupleofyears,youweresohomesick,you’dcryallweekend.”
“Itwashardtobesofarfromhome.”
“WhydoyouthinkIgotocollegehere?Inthatway,I’malmostassmartasyouare.”
“You’resmart.Youmightgetascholarship,remember?”
“I’mnotsmartlikeyou.Butthat’sokay.It’llmakeitmucheasiertofindaguyintheend—notthatI’minterestedinanythingserious.Butlisten,ifyouwant,I’dbehappytokeepalookoutforyou.Imeetguysallthetime.”
“Collegeguys?”
“Someofthemmightjustlikeanolderwoman.”
“You’reinsane.”
“Idon’tknow.Itendtohaveprettygoodtaste.”
“AreyoureferringtoSteve?”
“We’rejustgoingout.It’snotseriousyet.Butheseemslikeaniceguy.HeevenvolunteersattheHumaneSociety,doingpetadoptionsonSundays.”
“Doyoulikehim?”
“Youmean…likelike?Orjustlike?”
“What?Areweinmiddleschoolnow?”
Serenalaughed.“I’mnotsurehowIfeelyet.Buthe’scute,whichgivesmemoretimetofindout.”
“WhendoIgettomeethim?”
“Well…let’sseewhereitgoes.Becauseifyou’regoingtomeethim,thenMomandDadwillwanttomeethim,andthenIlosecontrolofthewholesituation.Nomatterwhathappensafterthat,he’llthinkthatIthinkit’sserious,andunlikeyou,I’mtooyoungtosettledown.”
“Idon’twanttosettledownyet,either.”
“Maybe.Butyoudefinitelyneedadate.”
“Wouldyoustop?”
“Okay,fine.Youdon’tneedadate.Whatyouneedistogetlucky.”
WhenMariadidn’tbotherresponding,Serenagiggled.“Touchedanerve,huh?”shechirped.“Okay,nevermind.What’sonyouragendatoday?Afterwegetoutofhere?Areyougoingpaddleboardingagain?”
“Iwasthinkingaboutit.”
“Alone?”
“Unlessyouwanttotryitagain.”
“Notachance.Istilldon’tunderstandwhyyoulikeitsomuch.It’snotlikedancing.It’sboring.”
“It’sgoodexercise.Andit’speaceful.”
“Didn’tIjustsaythat?”Serenaasked.
Mariasmiled.“Howaboutyou?Whatareyourplans?”
“I’mgoingtotakeanicelongnap.Andthen,afterthat,I’llplayitbyear.”
“Ihopeyoufindsomethingtodo.I’dhateforyoutomissawildSundaynightonGreekrow.”
“Now,now…jealousy’sanuglything,”Serenasaid.Shehookedherthumbtowardthewindows.“Dad’sfinallybackandI’mstarved.Let’sgoeat.”
Laterthatafternoon,whileSerenawasnodoubtsoundasleep,MariawasonherpaddleboardinMasonboroSound,aplacethathadlongsincebecomeherfavoritespottospendaweekendafternoon.MasonboroIslandwasthelargestbarrierislandalongthesoutherncoastofthestate,andwhileshesometimesnavigatedtotheAtlanticsideoftheisland,mostofthetimeshepreferredtheglassywatersofthemarsh.Asalways,thewildlifewasspectacular.Inherfirsthouronthewater,she’dseenospreys,pelicans,andegretsandhadtakenwhatshethoughtweresomeprettygoodphotographs.InJune,forherbirthday,she’dtreatedherselftoahigh-qualitywaterproofcamera,andthoughithadbeenafinancialstretchandshewasstillpayingoffthecreditcardbill,shehadn’tyetregrettedit.Whiletheywouldn’tendupinNationalGeographic,afewofherphotoshadbeengoodenoughtohangonthewallsofhercondominium,whichwasaprudentdecoratingoptionsinceshecouldbarelyaffordthecondo,either.
Butouthere,itwaseasytothinkaboutthosethingswithoutnecessarilyworryingaboutthem.Thoughshe’donlytakenuppaddleboardingsinceshe’dmovedbacktoWilmington,ithadthesameeffectonherthatdancingusedtohave.She’dreachedthepointwherekeepingherbalancewaseffortlessandthesteadypaddlingrhythmmeltedthestressaway.Usually,withinafewminutesofbeingonthewatershewasleftwiththesensationthatallwasrightwiththeworld.Itwasawarm,relaxingglowthatstartedinherneckandshouldersbeforespreadingtotherestofherbody,andbythetimeshewasintheshowerafterreturninghome,she’dfeelreadytofaceyetanotherweekintheoffice.Serenawaswrongaboutpaddleboarding.Itwasn’tboring;itwasnecessarythesedaysforhermentalhealth,andshehadtoadmititwasn’thalfbadforherfigure,either.Inthelastyear,she’dbecometonedinplacesshedidn’tevenknowcouldbetoned,andshe’dhadtohavehersuitsalteredbecausethey’dgrowntoolooseinthewaistandbutt.
Notthatitwouldmatter.Serenamighthavebeenwrongaboutpaddleboarding,butshehadbeenrightaboutMaria’srunofbadluckinherlovelife,startingwithLuis.Hewasthefirstguyshe’deverbeenseriousabout,thefirstguyshe’deverreallyloved.They’dbeenfriendsforalmostayearbeforethey’dfinallystartedgoingout,andonthesurface,theyhadalotincommon.Likeher,hewasthechildofMexicanimmigrantsandintendedtobecomealawyer;likeher,heenjoyeddancing,andafterthey’dbeendatingforacoupleofyears,ithadbeeneasyforhertoimagineafuturewithhim.Luis,ontheotherhand,hadmadeitclearthathewascontenttocontinuegoingout—andsleepingwithher—aslongassheneverexpectedanythingmorethanthat.Evenbringingupthesubjectofmarriagehadfreakedhimout,andwhileshe’dinitiallytriedtoconvinceherselfthatitdidn’treallymatter,she’dknowndeepdownthatitdid.
Still,intheend,thebreakuphadbeenasurprise;he’dsimplycalledoneeveningandtoldheritwasover.She’deventuallytriedtoconsoleherselfwiththefactsthattheywanteddifferentthingsinlifeandLuissimplywasn’treadyforthekindofcommitmentsheknewshewanted.Butthen?Justalittleoverayearlater,rightaftershe’dtakenthebarexam,she’dlearnedthathewasengaged.She’dspentthenextsixweeksinafunk,tryingtofigureoutwhytheothergirlhadbeengoodenoughtomarrywhilehehadn’tevenbeenabletodiscussthesubjectwithher.Wherehadshegonewrong?Hadshebeentoopushy?Tooboring?Ortoo…somethingelse?Lookingback,shehadnoidea.Ofcourse,thewholeexperiencewouldhavebeeneasierifshe’dmetsomeoneelseafterLuis,butwitheverypassingyearshefoundherselfwonderingmoreandmorewhereallthegoodguyshadgone.Oreveniftherereallywassuchathinganymore.Whereweretheguyswhodidn’texpectyoutosleepwiththemafteronlyadateortwo?Orguyswhobelievedthatpickingupthecheckonafirstdatewasaclassythingtodo?Orevenaguywithasomewhatdecentjobandplansforthefuture?Godknows,aftersheandLuishadbrokenup,she’dputherselfoutthere.Despitethelonghoursshespentstudyinginlawschoolandthenlater,workinginCharlotte,she’dgoneoutregularlywithfriendsontheweekends,buthadanyonehalfwaydecentaskedherout?
Shemomentarilybrokeoffherpaddling,allowingtheboardtoglideasshestraightenedup,stretchingherback.Well,actually,theyprobablyhad,shethought.Butbackthen,she’dtendedtofocusfirstontheirappearance,andshecouldremembersayingnotoafewguyswhohadn’tbeenquitecuteenough.Andmaybethathadbeentheproblem.Maybeshe’dturneddownMr.Rightbecausehehadn’tbeentallenoughorwhatever,andnow—becausehewasMr.Right—hewasalreadyoffthemarket.Thesedays,itseemedlikeMr.Rightstendedtoflyofftheshelves,perhapsbecausetheywereasrareasCaliforniacondors.
Mostofthetime,itdidn’tbotherher.Shewasdifferentfromhermom,whobelievedthatawoman’srelationshipstatusdefinedher.Shehadherownlife,shecouldcomeandgoasshepleased,andwhileshedidn’thaveanyonetotakecareofher,shedidn’thavetotakecareofanyoneelse,either.Yetinthepastcoupleofyears—asshebeganinchingclosertothirty—therehadbeenmomentswhenshethoughtthatitmightbenicetohavesomeonetogodancingwith,orwhowouldjoinherwhileshepaddleboarded,orevensomeonewillingtolistentohercomplainafterabaddayatwork.Havingawidecircleoffriends,likeSerenadid,mighthavefilledthatvoid,butmostofMaria’sfriendslivedineithertheRaleighorCharlotteareas,andgettingtogetherwiththemalmostalwaysmeantaroadtripandsleepingonsomeone’scouch.Asidefromherimmediatefamily,relatives,Jill,andafewothercoworkers—and,yes,evenPaul,despitetheothernight—theonlypeoplesheknewherewerethoseshe’dgonetohighschoolwith,andbecauseshe’dbeenawayforyears,they’ddriftedapart.Shesupposedthatshecouldtrytoreestablishcontact,butbythetimeshefinishedupatwork,allsheusuallywantedtodowasunwindinthebathtubwithaglassofwineandagoodbook.Or,ifshefeltenergetic,maybehitthewateronthepaddleboard.Evenfriendshipstookenergy,andlatelyshedidn’thaveenoughtogoaround.Whilethatmeantherlifewasn’tallthatexciting,itwasalsothekindoflow-keypredictabilitysheneeded.HerlastyearinCharlottehadbeentraumatic,and…
Sheshookherhead,forcingawaythememoryofthatfinalyear.Takingacalmingbreath,shetoldherselffirmlytofocusonthepositive,asshe’dtrainedherselftodo.Therewerealotofgoodthingsinherlife.Shehadherfamily,herownplace,andajobsheenjoyed…
Areyousureaboutthat?,thelittlevoiceinsidehersuddenlyasked.Becauseyouknowthat’snotquitetrue.
Ithadstartedoffwellenough,butwasn’tthatalwaysthecase?Martenson,Hertzberg&Holdmanwasamidsizefirm,andsheworkedprincipallyfortheprimarylitigator,BarneyHoldman,doinginsurancedefensework.Barneywasinhisearlysixtiesandarainmakerforthefirm,alegalgeniuswhoworeseersuckersuitsandspokewithaslow,heavydrawlstraightfromthemountainsofNorthCarolina.Tobothclientsandjuries,hecameacrossasthefriendlygrandfathertype,butbeneaththesurface,hewashard-driving,preparedforeverything,anddemandingofassociates.Inworkingforhim,shehadtheprivilegeoftime,expertise,andmoneytopreparehercases,allofwhichwasafarcryfromherworkasaprosecutor.
Jillwasabonus.Astheonlywomenintheofficeasidefromsecretariesandparalegals,whohadtheirowncliques,JillandMariahadhititoffrightaway,eventhoughtheyworkedindifferentdepartments.Theyhadlunchtogetherthreeorfourtimesaweek,andJilloftendroppedbyMaria’sofficejusttovisitforafewminutes.Shewasquick-wittedandmadeMarialaugh,buthadanincisivelegalmindandwasoneofthefirm’skeyassets.Whyshehadn’tbeenmadepartneryetwasamystery.MariasometimeswonderedwhetherJillwaslongforthefirm,thoughshe’dsaidnothingdirectlyaboutit.
TherealproblemwasKenMartenson,themanagingpartnerofthefirm,whoseemedtohireparalegalsbasedontheirattractivenessasopposedtotheirqualificationsandspenttoomuchtimehoveringaroundtheirdesks.Thatpartdidn’tnecessarilybotherMaria,nordiditbotherhertoseeKenfraternizingwithoneparalegaloranotherinamannerthatsometimesseemedlessthanentirelyprofessional.JillhadfilledherinonKen’sreputationduringMaria’sfirstweekonthejob,especiallyhisinterestinattractiveparalegals,butMariahadshruggeditoff.Thatis,untilKenbegantosethissightsonher.Itwasn’tagooddevelopment,andlatelythesituationwasgettingevenmorecomplicated.ItwasonethingtotrytoavoidKenattheoffice,wheretherewerealwaysotherpeoplearound,buttheconferenceinWinston-Salemthey’dattendedlastweekhadamplifiedherfearsthatthingsmightgetworse.ThoughKenhadn’tgonesofarastowalkhertoherhotelroomdoor—thankGodforsmallfavors—hehadpressuredherintojoininghimfordinnerbothnights.Andthen?He’dgivenherthewholemywifejustdoesn’tappreciatemespielwhilecontinuallyaskingwhethershewantedanotherglassofwine,despitethefactthatshe’dbarelytouchedthefirstone.He’dtalkedabouthisplaceatthebeachandhowquietandrelaxingitwasandnotedmorethanoncethatitwasusuallyempty.Ifsheeverwantedtouseit,allshehadtodowasask.Andhadhementionedhowrareitwastoworkwithsomeonewhowasbothintelligentandbeautiful?
Couldthemanhavebeenmoreobvious?Nevertheless,whenhe’dhintedatwhathewanted,she’dplayeddumbandthensteeredthesubjectbacktotheissuesdiscussedattheconference.Andithadworked,forthemostpart,butshehadn’tbeenlyingtoSerenawhenshe’dsaiditwascomplicated.Sometimesshewishedthatsomeonewouldhavetoldherbeforesheappliedtolawschoolthatbeinganattorneywasn’tquitethejobguaranteeshe’dalwaysimagineditwouldbe.Inthepastfewyears,firmsofallsizeshadbeencuttingback,salariesweredropping,andrightnowthereweretoomanylawyerschasingtoofewpositions.Aftershe’dleftthedistrictattorney’soffice,ithadtakenhernearlyfivemonthstolandthisjob,andasfarassheknew,noneoftheotherfirmsintownwerehiring.Ifsheevenmumbledthewordssexualharassmentorvaguelyhintedaboutfilingalawsuit,sheprobablywouldn’tbeabletofindanotherjobintheentirestate.Lawyershatednoonemorethanotherlawyerswhomightsuethem.
Forthetimebeing,shewasstuck.She’dmadeitthroughtheconferencebutvowednottoputherselfinthatkindofsituationagain.She’davoidthebreakroomandbeabitmorecautiousaboutworkinglate,especiallywhensheknewKenwouldbethere.Fornow,thatwasallshecoulddo,asidefrompraythatheturnedhissightsbackononeoftheparalegals.
Itwasyetanotherexampleofthewaysinwhichlifehadturnedouttobemoredifficultthanshe’dimagineditwould.Whenshe’dstartedherfirstrealjob,she’dbeenidealistic;lifehadseemedmorelikeanadventure.She’dfullybelievedthatshehadameaningfulroletoplayinkeepingthestreetssafeandingivingvictimsawaytoseekjusticeandredress.Butovertime,she’dbeguntogrowjadedabouttheentireprocess.Ithadbecomeevidentthatevendangerouscriminalsoftenwentfree,thecloggedwheelsofthesystemturnedimpossiblyslowly,andhercaseloadwasnever-ending.Nowshewaslivingagaininthecitywhereshe’dgrownupandpracticingakindoflawvastlydifferentfromwhatshe’dknownasanassistantDA.Whileshe’dbeencertainthatthingswouldbebetteronceshewassettledin,she’dslowlycometorealizethatjobstresssimplycameindifferentflavors,andthisonewasn’tmuchbettertastingthantheonebeforeit.
She’dbeensurprisedbythat,butthen,she’dbeensurprisedbyalmosteverythinginthelastsevenyears.Theworldmightviewherasayoung,home-owningprofessional,butthereweremomentswhenshefeltlikeshewasfakingthewholething.Partofitwasfinancial—afterpayingherbillsattheendofthemonth,shehadlessspendingmoneythanshe’dhadasateenager—buttheotherpartwasthatmostofherfriendsfromcollegewerealreadymarried,andsomeofthemalreadyhadkids.Whenshetalkedtothem,mostcameacrossascompletelycontent,asthoughtheirliveswereunfoldingexactlyasthey’dplanned,whileshe,ontheotherhand,hadasex-crazedboss,acondoshecouldbarelyafford,andayoungersisterwhoseemedsimultaneouslywiserandmorecarefreethanMariawas.Ifthiswasadulthood,shewonderednowwhyshe’dbeeninsucharushtogrowupinthefirstplace.
Forthenexthour,shepulledsteadilyatthepaddle,theboardglidingforwardasshedidherbesttoenjoyhersurroundings.Shenotedtheslowlyshiftingcloudsandthetreesreflectedinthewater.Sheconcentratedonthesaltyfreshscentofthebreezeandbaskedinthewarmthofthesunonherarmsandshoulders.Everynowandthenshesnappedaphotograph,includingagoodoneofanospreyclaspingafishinitstalonsasitrosefromthewater.Itwastooshadowedintheviewfinderandalittletoodistant,butwithenoughworkinPhotoshop,itmightbesomethingworthkeeping.
Whenshefinallyreturnedhome,sheshoweredandpouredherselfaglassofwine,thensatinarockingchairshe’dplacedinthesmallconfinesofherrearporch.ShewatchedpeopleastheywalkedalongMarketStreet,idlywonderingwhattheirliveswerelike.Shelikedtoinventstoriesaboutthem—Thatone’sprobablyvisitingfromNewYork,orI’llbetthatmomistakingherkidsoutforicecream.Itwasaharmless,relaxingcapstonetoaweekendthathaditsshareofbothhighsandlows.
Liketheblowntire.Whichremindedherthatshe’dhavetorunouttomorrowtogetitreplaced.Butwhen?Sheknewthatwhileshe’dbeenoutoftheofficeattheconference,Barneyhadfilledherinboxwithwork.Theyalsohadtwoimportantmeetingsintheafternoon,whichwasn’tgoingtomakeiteasy.NordidshehaveanyideawhatKen’snextmovewouldbe.
Thesenseofdreadintensifiedthefollowingmorning,whenshespottedKenspeakingwithBarneyinhisofficewhileshechattedwithLynn,thevoluptuous,thoughlessthanefficient,paralegalassignedtoBarney’steam.KenandBarneyoftenmetbeforetheMondaymorningmeeting,butwhatwasunusualwasthatafterKenleftBarney’soffice,he’dsimplynoddedatherwithoutsmilingbeforestridingdownthehallway.Partofherwasrelievedbythebrevityoftheencounter,butatthesametime,thesuddenfrostyprofessionalismleftabadfeelinginherstomach,becauseitnodoubtmeanthewasangryather.
Afewminuteslater,Jillpokedherheadintoapologizefortheblinddate,clearlymortified.Theytalkedforafewminutes—Jillwasheadingoutoftownfortherestoftheweekfordepositions—andMariarepeatedtoJillthestoryshe’dtoldSerenaaboutherflattireandthestrangerwhohadrescuedher,whichonlymadeJillfeelevenworse.
AssoonasJillleft,Mariastartedcallinggarages,tryingtofindsomeplaceclosewhereshecouldgethertirechangedafterwork,butsoondiscoveredthatallofthemwouldbeclosedbythetimeshearrived.Heronlyoptionwastotrytogetitdoneoverherlunchhour.Ittooksixattemptsbeforeshewasfinallyabletosnaganappointmentathalfpastnoon—cuttingitclosefortheinitialclientmeetingatonethirty.ShewarnedBarneythatshemightbeafewminuteslategettingback.Hefrownedbuttoldhertodoherbest,emphasizingthatherpresencewasimportant.Shelefttheofficeataquartertotwelve,hopingthatthemechanicswouldbeabletostartearly.
Buttheydidn’tstartearly.Nordidtheyevenstartontime.Intheend,shespentthenexthourwaiting,alternatingbetweenpanicandslowlymountingfury,makingcallstoBarney’ssecretaryandtheparalegal,aswellastoBarney’scellphone.Itwasn’tuntilaftertwothatshewasfinallyabletoreclaimhercarandspeedbacktotheoffice.Bythetimeshereachedtheconferenceroom,themeetinghadbeeninprogressfornearlyforty-fiveminutes.AnicystarefromBarneysignaledhisdispleasure,belyinghisslow,easydrawlashewelcomedherintotheconferenceroom.
Afterthemeeting,sheapologizedprofuselytoBarney.Hewasclearlyirate;gonewasanytraceofthefriendlygrandfatherthatclientswereaccustomedto.Thingsremainedtensebetweenthemfortherestoftheafternoon.Itwasnobetterthefollowingday,andpouringherselfintothevarioustasksathand,Mariacaughtuponthemattersshe’dignoredwhileattheconference,inadditiontopreparingthedocumentssheknewBarneyneededforatrialthefollowingweek.ShelaboredpastmidnightonbothMondayandTuesday,andwithJilloutoftheoffice,sheworkedthroughherlunchhoursallweek,eatingtakeoutatherdeskwhiletoilingonvariousbriefs.Barneyapparentlydidn’tnoticeorcare,anditwasn’tuntilThursdaythathisicydemeanorbegantothaw.
Laterthatafternoon,however—asshewasfinishingupaconversationwithBarneyinhisofficeconcerninganinsuranceclaimthattheybothstronglysuspectedwasfraudulent—sheheardavoicebehindher.Lookingup,shesawKenstandinginthedoorway.
“Excuseme,”hesaid,addressingthembothbutmainlyfocusingonBarney.“WouldyoumindifIspoketoMariaforamoment?”
“Notatall,”Barneydrawled.HenoddedatMaria.“Givethemaringandletthemknowthatwe’llneedtosetaconferencecallfortomorrow.”
“Absolutely.I’llletyouknowwhattheysay,”Mariaresponded.ShecouldfeelKenstaringather,couldfeelthetightnessinherchestassheturnedtofacehim.Bythen,Kenhadalreadyturnedtoleave,andwithoutaword,shefollowedhimdownthehallwayandthroughthereceptionarea.Herfeetdraggedwhensherealizedhewasheadingtowardhisoffice.Astheyapproached,hissecretaryavertedhergaze.
Kenheldthedooropenforher,thencloseditbehindhim.Allbusinessnow,hemovedbehindhisdeskandgesturedforhertositinthechairopposite.Hegazedoutthewindowbeforefinallyturningtofaceher.
“BarneymentionedtomethatyoumissedanimportantclientmeetingonMonday.”
“Ididn’tmissit.Iwaslate—”
“Ididn’tcallyouheretoquibbleoverthedetails,”hesaid,cuttingheroff.“Wouldyoucaretoexplainwhathappened?”
Caughtoffguard,Mariastammeredoutanadmittedlypatheticaccountofherattemptstofindasuitablegarageandtheeventsthathadfollowed.
Whenshewasfinished,hesaidnothingforamoment.“Youdounderstandwhatwedohere,right?Andwhyyouwerehired?Ourclientsexpectacertainlevelofprofessionalism.”
“Yes,ofcourseIdo.AndIknowourclientsareimportant.”
“DidyouknowthatBarneywasthinkingofallowingyoutheopportunitytoactasleadcounselonthismatter?Andthatyoutookthisopportunityoffthetablebecauseyoufeltthesuddenlyurgent,desperateneedtochangeyourtireduringbusinesshours?”
Mariaflushed,herthoughtsspinningatthisnewrevelation.“No,hedidn’tmentionthat,”shesputtered.“AndlikeIsaid,Iwantedtogetitdoneafterwork,buteveryplacewouldhavealreadybeenclosed.IhonestlythoughtIcouldgetbackintime.Iknewtherewasarisk,but—”
“Ariskyouwereclearlymorethanwillingtotake,”heobserved,againcuttingheroff.
Sheopenedhermouthtorespond,butbythen,sheknewalreadythattherewasnothingshecouldsaytoappeasehim.Inthesilence,MariafeltaknotforminherstomachasKenfinallytookaseatathisdesk.
“ImustsaythatI’mverydisappointedinyourdecision,”hesaid,soundingincontrol.“WetooktheriskofhiringyoubecauseI,amongothers,wenttobatforyou.YourworkattheDA’sofficewashardlyrelevanttoourpracticehere,asyouknow.ButIthoughtyouhadpotential.Now,I’mnotsurewhattothinkorwhetherImadethewrongdecision.”
“I’mreallysorry.Itwon’thappenagain.”
“Ihopenot.Foryoursake,notmine.”
Theknotinherstomachgrewevenlarger.“WhatcanIdotomakethingsright?”
“Fornow,nothing.I’lltalktoBarneyandfindoutwhathethinksandthenwe’llletyouknowwhatwedecide.”
“ShouldIcalltheclients?Perhapstrytoapologize?”
“Ithinkyoushoulddonothingfornow.IsaidthatBarneyandIwilldiscussit.Butifsomethinglikethiseverhappensagain…”Heleanedforward,turningonhisdesklamp.
“Itwon’t,”shewhispered,stilltryingtogetherbearings.Barneywasthinkingaboutmakingherleadcounsel?Whyhadn’thementionedthattoher?Inthatinstant,thephoneonthedeskrangandKenpickeditup.Afterannouncinghisname,henoddedbeforecoveringthemouthpiece.
“I’vegottotakethiscall.We’llfinishourtalkatanothertime.”
Thewayhesaiditleftnodoubtthatthey’dtalkagainandMariarosefromherseat,humiliatedandpanicked.Herthoughtsindisarray,shestumbledoutofKen’soffice.Passinghissecretary,shewasgratefulthatthewomanignoredher.Whenshereachedheroffice,sheshutthedoorandranthroughtheconversationagain.Despiteherself,shewonderedjusthowlongshewouldbeabletocontinueworkingthere.Orwhethershe’devenbegivenachoiceCHAPTER3
Colin
OntheMondayafterhisfight,ColinsteppedoutofhisapartmentandwasamblingtowardtheoldCamarowhenhesuddenlyspottedDetectivePeteMargolis.Thecophadparkedinthestreetoutfrontandwasleaningagainstthehoodofhissedan,holdingato-gocupofcoffee,atoothpickinhismouth.UnlikemostoftheofficersColinhaddealtwithinthepast,MargolisspentalmostasmuchtimeinthegymasColindid.Hissleeveswererolledup,thefabricstrainingagainsthisbiceps.Hewasinhislatethirties,hisdarkhairsweptbackandgreasedinplacewithGodknowswhat.Once,sometimestwiceamonth,hewouldshowupunannouncedtocheckonColinaspartofColin’scourt-ordereddeal.Margolisclearlyenjoyedthepowerhehadoverhischarge.
“Youlooklikehell,Hancock,”hesaidasColindrewnear.“YoudoanythingIshouldknowabout?”
“No,”Colinanswered.
“Yousureaboutthat?”
ColinwatchedMargolisinsteadofanswering.Heknewtheguywouldeventuallygetaroundtowhateverhewantedtosay.
Margolismovedhistoothpickfromonesideofhismouthtotheother.“TherewasabrawlintheparkinglotatCrazyHorsealittleaftermidnight.Abunchofguysswingingbottlesateachother;afewcarsinthelotgotdentedupandtherewasamanknockedunconscious.Witnessessaidhe’dbeenkickedintheheadafterhewasontheground.Rightnow,he’sinthehospitalwithacrackedskull.That’sassaultwithadeadlyweapon,youknow,andassoonasIheardaboutit,Ithoughttomyselfhowfamiliarthatsounded.Didn’tIarrestyouforsomethinglikethatrighthereinWilmington?Justafewyearsago?Andhaven’tyoubeeninacoupleofscrapessincethen?”
Margolisalreadyknewtheanswers,butColinansweredanyway.“Yestothefirst.Notothesecond.”
“Oh,that’sright.Becauseyourfriendsintervened.Thegoofyguyandthehotblondchick,right?”
Colinsaidnothing.Margolisstared.ColincontinuedtowaituntilMargolisfinallywenton.
“That’swhyI’mhere,bytheway.”
“Okay.”
“Justokay?”
Colinsaidnothing.Hehadlearnedtosayaslittleaspossibleinthepresenceofthepolice.
“Putyourselfinmyshoes,”Margolisfinallywenton.“Thethingis,prettymucheveryonescatteredassoonasthesirensstartedclosingin.AcoupleofwitnessesstuckaroundandItalkedtothem,butIfiguredIwasjustwastingmytime.It’saloteasiertogostraighttothesource,don’tyouthink?”
Colinhitchedhisbackpackalittlehigheronhisshoulder.“Arewedonehere?”
“Notquite.Idon’tthinkyouunderstandwhat’sgoingon.”
“Iunderstand.Butnoneofthisconcernsme.Iwasn’tthere.”
“Canyouprovethat?”
“Canyouproveotherwise?”
Margolistookasipofhiscoffee,thenfishedafreshtoothpickfromhispocket.Hetookhistimeplacingitinhismouth.“Thatalmostsoundslikeyou’retryingtohidesomething.”
“Itwasjustaquestion,”Colinsaid.
“Allright,then.Let’sgettothequestions.WherewereyouSaturdaynight?”
“InJacksonville.”
“Ohyeah,”hesaid.“Thefight.MMAstuff,right?Youtoldmeaboutthat.Didyouwin?”
Margolisdidn’tcareandColinknewit.HewatchedMargolistakeanothersipofcoffee.
“Thepointis,wewereabletogetacoupleofdescriptionsfromthewitnesses,anditturnsoutthattheguywhodidthekickingwasinhismidtwenties,muscularwithtattoosonhisarmsandshortbrownhair,almostabuzzcut.Andwouldn’tyouknowit,itturnsoutthattheguywasprettybruisedupevenbeforethefightstarted.Peoplehadseenhiminside.AndbecauseIknewyou’djustbeenfightinginJacksonville…well,itdoesn’ttakeageniustofigureoutwhathappened.”
Colinwonderedhowmuch,ifany,ofMargolis’sstorywastrue.“Doyouhaveanyotherquestionsforme?”
Margolisshiftedthetoothpickagainwhilesettinghiscoffeeonthehood.“WereyouattheCrazyHorseonSaturdaynight?”
“No.”
“Youdidn’tevenstopby?Forafewminutes?”
“No.”
“AndifIhaveawitnessthatsayshesawyouthere?”
“Thenhe’slying.”
“Butyou’renot.”
Again,Colindidn’tanswer.Therewasnoreasonto.AndpartofhimsuspectedthatevenMargolisknewit,becauseafteralongmoment,hecrossedhisarms,hismusclesflexingalmost—butnotentirely—involuntarily.Ifthedetectivereallyhadsomething,Colinknewhewouldhavealreadybeenarrested.
“Allright,”Margolissaid.“Thenanswerthis:Wherewereyoubetweenmidnightandonea.m.onSunday?”
Colinsortedthroughhismemory.“Iwasn’twatchingtheclock.ButIwaseitherabouttoleaveTrey’sDineronHighway17,ordrivinghome,orchangingsomelady’stireduringthestorm.Iwashomerightaroundonethirty.”
“Trey’sDiner?Whythehellwouldyoueatthere?”
“Iwashungry.”
“WhattimedidyouleaveJacksonville?”
“Itwasaftermidnight.Maybefiveortenminutesafter,butIdon’tknowforsure.”
“Witnesses?”
“Dozens.”
“AndIassumeyouatealoneatTrey’s?”
“Iwaswithmylandlord.”
Margolissnorted.“Evan?Onehalfofthedynamicduo?That’sconvenient.”
Colinflexedhisjaw,ignoringthebarb.“I’msurethewaitresswillrememberthetwoofus.”
“Becauseyoulooklikeyouhadyourfacerunthroughameatgrinder?”
“No.BecauseEvanstoodoutinaplacelikethat.”
Margolissmirked,butbusinesswasbusiness.“Soyouleftthediner.”
“Yes.”
“Alone?”
“Yes.EvanleftafewminutesbeforeIdid.Hedrovehisowncar.”
“Sothere’snoonewhocansaywhereyouwentafterwards?”
“Ialreadytoldyouwhathappenedafterthat.”
“Oh,that’sright.Youchangedalady’stire.”
“Yes.”
“Inthestorm?”
“Yes.”
“Didyouknowher?”
“No.”
“Thenwhydidyoustop?”
“BecauseIthoughtshemightneedmyhelp.”
MargolisconsideredColin’sanswer,nodoubtthinkingthatColinhadbeencaughtinamistake.“Howcouldyouknowshemightneedhelpunlessyou’dalreadystopped?”
“Isawsheneededahandgettingthetireout.Istoppedandgotoutofthecar.Iofferedtohelp.Shesaidnoatfirst.Sheaskedifshecouldborrowmyphoneandcallhersister.Iletherusemyphoneandshecalledhersister.Andthensheaskedformyhelpinchanginghertire.Ichangedit.ThenIgotinmycaranddrovestraighthome.”
“Whattimewasthis?”
“Idon’tknow.Butacallwasmadefrommyphonefromthewomantohersister.Ifyou’dlike,I’llshowyoumycalllog.”
“Byallmeans.”
Colinreachedintohisbackpocketandpulledouthisphone;afewtapsandthecalllogwasondisplay,confirminghisalibi.HeshowedittoMargolis.
Margolistookouthispadandmadeapointtoslowlyjotthenumberdown.Nodoubtitwasrightaroundthetimeofthebrawl,becausehisbicepsflexedagain.“HowdoIknowthat’sthenumberforthelady’ssister?”
“Youdon’t.”
“Butyou’refineifIcallandcheck.”
“Dowhatyouwant.It’syourtimethatyou’llbewasting.”
Margolis’seyesnarrowedslightly.“Youthinkyou’reprettysmart,don’tyou?”
“No.”
“Ohyeahyoudo.Butyouknowwhat?You’renot.”
Colindidn’tanswer,andforalongmoment,theycontinuedtostareateachother.Margolisgrabbedhiscoffeeagainandcircledbacktothedriver’s-sidedoor.“I’mgoingtocheckthisout,youknow.BecauseyouandIbothknowthatyoudon’tbelongonthestreets.Aguylikeyou?Howmanypeoplehaveyousenttothehospitalovertheyears?You’reviolent,andwhileyouthinkyoucancontrolitforever,youcan’t.Andwhenthathappens,I’mgoingtobethere.AndI’llbethefirstonetosay,‘Itoldyouso.’”
Amomentlater,thesedanwaspullingaway,Colinwatchinguntilitfinallyvanishedaroundthecorner.
“Whatwasthatabout?”
ColinturnedaroundandspottedEvanontheporch.Alreadydressedforwork,hisfriendsteppeddownandstartedupthewalk.
“Theusual.”
“Whatwasitthistime?”
“FightattheCrazyHorse.”
“When?”
“WhenIwaswithyou.Ordrivingorchangingatire.”
“Imightbeyouralibithistime?”
“Idoubtit.Heknowsitwasn’tmeorhewouldhavebroughtmeinandquestionedmeatthestation.”
“Thenwhythebigshow?”
Colinshrugged.Itwasarhetoricalquestion,sincetheybothalreadyknewtheanswer.Colinmotionedtowardhisfriend.
“Isn’tthatthetieLilyboughtforyourbirthday?”
Evanlookeddowntoexamineit.Itwaspaisley,akaleidoscopeofcolor.“Yesitis,asamatteroffact.Goodmemory.Whatdoyouthink?Toomuch?”
“Itdoesn’tmatterwhatIthink.”
“Butyoudon’tlikeit.”
“Ithinkthatifyouwanttowearit,youshouldwearit.”
Evanseemedmomentarilyundecided.“Whydoyoudothat?”
“Dowhat?”
“Refusetoanswerasimplequestion.”
“Becausemyopinionisirrelevant.Youshouldwearwhatyouwant.”
“Justtellme,okay?”
“Idon’tlikeyourtie.”
“Really?Whynot?”
“Becauseit’sugly.”
“It’snotugly.”
Colinnodded.“Okay.”
“Youdon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout.”
“Probably.”
“Youdon’tevenwearties.”
“You’reright.”
“SowhydoIcarewhatyouthink?”
“Idon’tknow.”
Evanscowled.“Talkingtoyoucanbeinfuriating,youknow.”
“Iknow.You’vesaidthatbefore.”
“OfcourseI’vesaiditbefore!Becauseit’strue!Didn’twejusttalkaboutthistheothernight?Youdon’thavetosaywhateverpopsintoyourhead.”
“Butyouasked.”
“Just…Oh,forgetit.”Heturnedandstartedbacktowardthehouse.“I’lltalktoyoulater,okay?”
“Whereareyougoing?”
Evanwalkedacoupleofstepsbeforeansweringwithoutturningaround.“Tochangemydamntie.Andbytheway,Margoliswasright.Yourfacestilllookslikeitwasrunthroughameatgrinder.”
Colinsmiled.“Hey,Evan!”
Evanstoppedandturned.“What?”
“Thanks.”
“Forwhat?”
“Foreverything.”
“Yeah,yeah.You’rejustluckyIwon’ttellLilywhatyousaid.”
“Youcanifyou’dlike.Ialreadytoldher.”
Evanstared.“Ofcourseyoudid.”
Inclass,Colinsatinthethirdrow,takingnotesandtryingtoconcentrateonwhattheteacherwassaying.Theclassfocusedonlanguageandliteracydevelopment,andinthefirstfewweeksofschool,he’dbeenoftwomindsaboutit:first,thinkingthatmostofwhattheprofessorwassayingstruckhimascommonsense,whichmadehimwonderwhathe’dgainfrombeingthere;andsecond,thattheremightbesomeas-yetunknownadvantagetoquantifyingcommonsenseintosomesortofcohesiveclassroomstrategysohe’dbeabletoputtogetherformallessonplans.Theonlyproblemwasthattheprofessor—aneuroticmiddle-agedwomanwithasingsongvoice—tendedtowanderfromonesubjecttothenext,whichmadepayingattentionsomewhatdifficult.
Hewasinhisthirdyearofcollege,butitwashisfirstsemesteratUNCWilmington.HisfirsttwoyearshadbeenspentatCapeFearCommunityCollege,wherehe’dfinishedwithaperfectGPA.Sofar,hecouldn’ttellwhethertheclasseswereharderhereorthere;intheend,thatwouldcomedowntothedifficultyoftheexamsandthequalityexpectedofhispapers.Hewasn’ttooconcerned:Hemadeapointtoreadaheadwheneverpossible,andheknewLilywouldhelphimstudy,quizzinghimwhenheneededitinadditiontohelpinghimedithispapers.Asarule,helikedtoputinatleasttwenty-fivehoursaweekofstudying,inadditiontotimeinclass;wheneverhehadabreakoncampus,hewanderedtothelibrary,andsofar,itseemedtobepayingoff.Unlikemanyofthestudentswhowerehereforbothaneducationandasociallife,hewashereonlytolearnasmuchashecouldandgetthebestgradespossible.He’dalreadydonethesowyourwildoatsthing;infact,ithadbeenallhecoulddotoescapeit.
Still,hefeltprettygoodabouthavingmadeittothispoint.HehadEvanandLily;hehadhisMMAtrainingandaplacehecalledhisown.Hewasn’ttoofondofhisjob—therestaurantwherehebartendedwastootouristyforhisowntastes—butitwasn’tthekindofplacethatledtohimgettingintoanykindoftrouble.Mostpeoplecametheretoeat,includinglotsoffamilieswithkids,andthosewhosatatthebarwereusuallywaitingforatableorhavingdinner.Itwascertainlyafarcryfromthekindofbarheusedtofrequent.Duringhiswildyears,he’dfavoredprobars—forprofessionalalcoholics—thosedarkanddingyout-of-the-waydiveswithorwithoutblaringmusicinthebackground.He’dexpectedproblemsalmostassoonashewalkedinthedoor,andtheworldhadobligedhim.Thesedays,heavoidedplaceslikethatatallcosts.Heknewhistriggersandhislimits,andthoughhe’dcomealongwayinkeepinghisangerincheck,therewasalwaysthepossibilitythathe’dfindhimselfinasituationthatquicklyspiraledoutofcontrol.Andtherewasnodoubtinhismindthatevenifhewasinvolvedinanincidentinanotherstate,Margoliswouldfindoutandhe’dliveinacageforthenextdecade,surroundedbypeoplewhohadthesamekindofangerproblemsashedid.
Realizingthathewasdrifting,heforcedhimselftofocusonthelectureagain.Theprofessorwastellingthemthatsometeachersfounditbeneficialtoreadpassagesfrombooksthatwereageappropriate,asopposedtobooksthatweregearedtowardolderoryoungerstudents.Hewonderedwhethertojotthatdowninhisnotes—didhereallyneedtoremindhimselfofthatinthefuture?—beforedeciding,Oh,whatthehell.Ifshethoughtitimportantenoughtosay,he’dmakenoteofit.
Itwasaroundthatpoint,however,thathenoticedadark-hairedgirlpeekingathimoverhershoulder.Whilehe’ddrawntheexpectedstareswhenhe’denteredtheclassroom—eventheprofessorhaddoneadoubletakeandbrokenoffinmidsentence—bynowthestareshadbeenredirectedtowardthefrontoftheroom.
Exceptforthisgirl.Definitelywatchinghim,almostscrutinizing.Hedidn’tgetthesensethatshewasflirting;rather,itwasalmostlikeshewastryingtofigurehimout.Notthatitmatteredtohimonewayortheother.Stareornot;itwasherchoice.
Whenclassfinishedafewminuteslater,Colinclosedhisnotebookandstuffeditintohisbackpack.Flinginghisbackpackoverhisshoulder,hewincedwhenitthumpedagainsthisbruisedribs.Afterclasses,heplannedtoheadtothegymtoworkout,buthewasn’tupforcontactjustyet.Nosparringorgrappling;justweights,corework,andahalfhourofjumpingrope.He’dtakeabreakforabit,thenpopinhisearbudsandrunfivemileswhilelisteningtothekindofmusichisparentshadalwayshated,andafterthat,he’dshowerandgetreadyforwork.Hewonderedhowhisbosswasgoingtoreactwhenshesawhim;hesuspectedshewouldn’tbepleased.Hisfacewouldn’texactlyblendinwiththetouristyatmosphere,butwhatcouldhedo?
Withanhouruntilhisnextclass,hebeganwalkingtowardthelibrary.Hehadapapertowrite,andthoughhe’dgottenastartonitlastweek,hewantedtofinishthefirstdraftinthenextcoupleofdays,whichwasn’tgoingtobeeasy.Betweentrainingandwork,hehadtoutilizehislimitedfreetimeefficiently
Stillsorefromthefight,hewalkedslowly,notingthereactionsofthegirlswhopassedhim.Theywerenearlyuniform:They’dspothimanddoaquickdoubletake,revealingexpressionsofshockandfear,andthenpretendnottohaveevennoticedhimatall.Thethoughtamusedhim—asingleBoo!wouldlikelysendthemfleeingintheoppositedirection.
Asheturnedontoadifferentwalkway,avoicecalledoutfrombehindhim.“Hey,waitup!You,upthere!”Certainitwasn’tdirectedathim,heignoredit.
“Heyyou,withthehurtface!Isaidwaitup!”
IttookColinasecondtomakesurehehadheardright,butwhenhestoppedandturned,hespottedthedark-hairedgirlfromclass,waving.Heglancedoverhisshoulder;nooneelsewaspayingattention.Asshefinallyclosedin,herecognizedherasthegirlwho’dbeenwatchinghiminclass.
“Areyoutalkingtome?”
“Yathink?”shesaid,stoppingafewfeetaway.“Whoelsehasahurtfacearoundhere?”
Hewasn’tsurewhethertobeoffendedorlaugh,butshesaiditinawaythatmadeitimpossibletotakeumbrage.
“DoIknowyou?”
“We’reinclasstogether.”
“Iknow.Isawyoustaringatme.ButIstilldon’tknowyou.”
“You’reright,”shesaid.“We’restrangers.ButmayIaskyouaquestion?”
Heknewexactlywhatwascoming—thewholehurt-facethingwasthetip-off—andhehitcheduphisbackpack.
“Iwasinafight.”
“Obviously,”shesaid.“Butthat’snotwhatIwantedtoaskyou.Iwantedtoknowhowoldyouare.”
Heblinkedinsurprise.“I’mtwenty-eight.Why?”
“That’sperfect,”shesaid,notansweringhisquestion.“Whereareyougoing?”
“Tothelibrary.”
“Good.Metoo.MayIjoinyou?Ithinkweshouldtalk.”
“Why?”
Shesmiled,vaguelyremindinghimofsomeoneelse.“Ifwetalk,youcanfindout.”CHAPTER4
Maria
Wherearewegoingagain?”Mariaaskedfromthedriver’sseat.She’dpickedupSerenahalfanhourearlieronSouthFrontStreet,whichranparalleltotheCapeFearRiver.Serenahadbeenstandingatanintersectioninanareadottedwitholderofficebuildingsandoccasionalclustersofshacksandboathousesattheriver’sedge,oblivioustotheconstructionworkersacrossthestreetwhowereclearlyoglingher.Slowlybutsurely,theareawasbeingrevitalized,liketherestofthewaterfrontalongtheriver,butfornowitwasaworkinprogress.“AndwhydidIhavetopickyouup?”
“I’vealreadytoldyou.We’regoingtoarestaurant,”Serenaanswered.“AndyoupickedmeupbecauseIdon’tplanondrivingtonight,sinceImighthaveacoupleofdrinks.”Shetossedalockofhairoverhershoulder.“Theinterviewwentwell,bytheway.Charlessaidhefoundmyanswersverythoughtful.Thanksforasking.”
Mariarolledhereyes.“Howdidyougetthere?”
“Stevedroppedmeoff.Ithinkhelikesme.He’smeetingmeherelater.”
“Hehastolikeyouifhe’swillingtoputupwiththistraffic.”ThoughthefirsthalfofSeptemberhadpassed,theheatwasmorereminiscentofearlyAugustandtheshorewaspacked.Mariahadalreadycircledtheblocktwicesearchingforaplacetopark.
“Whocares?We’reatthebeach.”
“Therearebetterplacestoeatdowntown.”
“Howwouldyouknow?HaveyouevenbeentoWrightsvilleBeachsinceyoumovedback?”
“No.”
“Mypointexactly.YouliveinWilmington.Youneedtogettothebeacheverynowandthen.”
“Ipaddleboard,remember?Iseethebeachalotmorethanyoudo.”
“Imeansomeplacewithactualpeoplearound,notjustbirdsandturtlesandtheoccasionaljumpingfish.Youneedtogosomeplacefunwithagreatviewandalotofatmosphere.”
“CrabbyPete’s?”
“It’salocalinstitution.”
“It’satouristtrap.”
“Sowhat?I’veneverbeenthereandIwanttofindoutwhatthebigdealis.”
Mariabroughtherlipstogether.“WhyamIgettingthesensethatthere’smoretothisthanyou’resaying?”
“Becauseyou’realawyer.You’resuspiciousofeverything.”
“Maybe.Oritcouldsimplybethatyou’vegotsomethingplanned.”
“Whatmakesyousaythat?”
“Becauseit’sSaturdaynight.WenevergooutonSaturdaynight.You’veneverwantedtogooutwithmeonSaturdaynight.”
“That’swhywe’rehavinganearlydinner,”Serenaanswered.“Thereareabunchofbandsplayinginthebarsdownherethisweekend,andSteveandIandafewfriendsaregoingtolistentosomemusicbeforewehittheparties.Theydon’tgetgoinguntiltenorelevenanyway,sothere’splentyoftime.”
MariaknewthatSerenahadsomethinguphersleevebutcouldn’tquiteputherfingeronit.“Ihopeyoudon’texpectmetotagalong.”
“Notachance,”Serenahuffed.“You’rewaytoooldforthat.Itwouldbelikegoingoutwithourparents.”
“Gee,thanks.”
“Don’tblameme.You’retheonewhosaidyouweretoooldforguysmyage.Why?Areyouchangingyourmind?”
“No.”
“That’swhywe’rejusthavingdinner.”
Mariasuddenlyspottedanothercarvacatingaspotandsheturned,closinginonit.Itwasstillablockortwofromtherestaurant,butshedoubtedshe’dbeabletogetanycloser.Assheparked,shecouldn’tshakethefeelingthatSerenawasbeingwaytoocoy,andSerenaseemedtorealizeit.
“Stopworryingsomuch.You’rekillingthemood.What’swrongwithspendingalittletimewithyoursister?”
Mariahesitated.“Fine,butjustsowe’reclear…ifyou’replanningtohavesomeotherguyjoinusatthetableorsomethingcrazylikethat,I’mnotgoingtobehappy.”
“I’mnotJillandPaul,okay?Iwouldn’tsetyouuponsomeawfulblinddatewithoutevenaskingyou.Butifitmakesyoufeelanybetter,Icanguaranteethatnoguywillsitwithus.Infact,we’lljusteatatthebar.Theviewissupposedtobebetteranyway.Deal?”
Mariadebatedbeforefinallyshuttingofftheengine.“Deal.”
LocatednexttooneofthepiersatWrightsvilleBeach,CrabbyPete’shadbeenaroundfornearlyfortyyears.Havingbarelysurvivedonehurricaneafterthenext,thestructuremighthavebeencondemnedhadnotnumerousrepairsofvaryingqualitybeenundertakenovertheyears.Thebuildingsportedpeelingpaint,alistingrooftop,andmorethanafewmissingorbrokenshutters.
Despiteitsappearance,therestaurantwasbustlingandMariaandSerenahadtosqueezethroughthecrowdwaitingfortablesastheymadeforthestairsleadingtotherooftopbar.Followinghersister,Marianoticedthewoodentables,mismatchedchairs,andpersonalizedgraffitionthewalls.FromtheceilinghungitemsthattheoriginalPete—who’dpassedawayyearsago—hadsupposedlyfoundinhisnetswhilefishing:hubcapsandtennisshoes,deflatedbasketballs,awoman’sbra,toys,andscoresoflicenseplatesfrommorethantenstates.
“Prettycool,huh?”Serenacalledoverhershoulder.
“It’scertainlycrowded.”
“It’sanexperience.Comeon!”
Theyclimbedthecreakingstepstotherooftop.Emergingintothesun,Mariasquintedunderacloudlesssky.Unlikeintherestaurantdownstairs,thetablesupherewereoccupiedbyadultsunwindingwithopenbottlesofbeerormixeddrinksinfrontofthem.Threewaitressesinshortsandblacktanktopsscurriedamongthecustomers,efficientlypickingupemptiesanddroppingoffdrinks.Halfthetableshadtinpailsfilledwithcrablegs,andshewatchedasdinerscrackedtheshellstogettothemeat.
“We’reinluck,”Serenasaid.“Therearetwoseatsatthebar.”
Thebarwasonthefarside,partiallycoveredwitharustingtinawningandfrontedbytenstools.MariafollowedSerena,windingbetweenthetablesinthefiercesun.Itwascoolerintheshadeofthebar’sawning,though,andastheytooktheirseats,shecouldfeelthesalt-tingedbreezeliftingthelonghairoffherneck.OverSerena’sshoulder,Mariacouldseethewavesbreakingontheshore,bluechangingsuddenlytowhiteandbackagain.Eventhoughitwasalmostdinnertime,hundredsofbeachgoersstillfrolickedinthewaterorsprawledontowels.Thepierwasjammedwithpeopleleaningovertherailingwiththeirfishingpoles,waitingforsomethingtostrike.SerenatookinthescenebeforeswivelingbacktoMaria.
“Admitit,”Serenachallenged.“Thisisexactlywhatyouneeded.SaythatIwasright.”
“Fine.Youwereright.”
“Iloveitwhenyousaythat,”shecrowed.“Nowlet’sgetsomethingtodrink.Whatareyouinthemoodfor?”
“Justaglassofwine.”
“No,no,no,”Serenadeclared,suddenlyshakingherhead.“You’renothavingaglassofwinehere.Thisisn’taglass-of-winekindofplace.Weneedtodosomething…beachy,likewe’reonvacation.Api?acoladaormargaritaorsomethinglikethat.”
“Seriously?”
“Youreallyhavetolearntolivealittle.”Serenaleanedoverthebar.“Hey,Colin!Canwegetacoupleofdrinks?”
Mariahadn’tnoticedthebartenderandhereyesfollowedSerena’s.Dressedinfadedjeansandawhitecollaredshirtrolledtotheelbows,hewasfinishingupanorderforawaitressonthefarside.Marianoticedautomaticallythathewasexceptionallyfit,withwell-definedshoulderstaperingdowntonarrowhips.Heworehishairveryshort,almostinabuzzcutthatrevealedanintricatetattooedivydesignwrappingaroundthebackofhisneck.Thoughhisbackwasturned,Mariawasimpressedbyhowefficientlyhemovedashereadiedthecocktails.Sheleanedtowardhersister.
“Ithoughtyousaidyou’veneverbeenherebefore.”
“Ihaven’t.”
“Thenhowdoyouknowthebartender’sname?”
“Myfriendworkshere.”
AtSerena’sanswer,thebartenderturned.Withhisfacepartiallyshadowed,hisfeaturesweren’timmediatelyvisible,anditwasn’tuntilhesteppedcloserthatMarianoticedthefadingbruiseonhischeekandallatonce,itcametogether.Thebartenderfrozeforasecondaswell,nodoubtmirroringherownthoughts:You’vegottobekidding.Intheawkwardmomentthatfollowed,Mariahadtheimpressionthatwhilehewasn’tthrilledbySerena’ssurprise,hewasn’tnecessarilyupsetbyit,either.Heresumedhisapproachuntilhewasstandingrightinfrontofthem.Leaningforward,herestedhishandonthebar,revealingthesculpted,colorfullytattooedmuscleofhisforearm.
“Hey,Serena,”hesaid.Hisunhurried,confidentvoicewasexactlyasMariaremembered.“Youdecidedtocome.”
Serenaseemedcontenttoactasthoughshehadn’torchestratedthewholescenario.“Ifigured,whynot?It’sagorgeousday!”Shespreadherarmswide.“Whatagreatplace!Youwererightabouttheviewfromuphere.It’sincredible.Hasitbeenbusytoday?”
“I’vebeenoverrun.”
“Nowonder.Whowouldn’twanttocomeonadayliketoday?Oh,bytheway,thisismysister,Maria.”
Colin’sgazemethers,unreadableexceptforatraceofamusementsomewhereinitsdepths.Upclose,hisappearancewasnothinglikeithadbeenonthenighthe’dchangedhertire;withhishighcheekbones,blue-grayeyes,andlonglashes,itwaseasytoimaginehimpickingupalmostanywomanhewanted.“Hi,Maria,”hesaid,extendinghishandacrossthebar.“I’mColin.”
Shetookhishandinhers,feelingarestrainedstrengthinhisgrip.Lettinggo,shewatchedashisgazeflickeredfromhertoSerenaandbackagain.
“WhatcanIgetyou?”heasked.
Serenastudiedthembothbeforefinallyproppingherelbowsonthebar.“Howaboutacoupleofpi?acoladas?”
“Comingrightup,”hesaideasily.Turningaround,hegrabbedtheblenderandbentovertoreachintotherefrigerator,hisjeansgrowingtightaroundhisthighs.MariawatchedasheaddedtheingredientsbeforeturninghernarrowedgazeonSerena.
“Really?”Mariasaid,moreastatementthanaquestion.
“What?”Serenaasked,soundingpleasedwithherself.
“Thisiswhywecame?Becauseyouwantedustomeet?”
“You’retheonewhosaidyouneverhadachancetothankhim.Now’syourchance.”
Mariashookherhead,amazed.“Howdidyou…?”
“Colin’sinmyclass.”Shereachedforabucketofpeanutsonthebarandsnappedoneofthemopen.“Actually,he’sintwoofmyclasses,butwereallyonlymetthisweek.Whileweweregettingtoknoweachother,hementionedthatheworkedhereandthathehadashiftthisafternoon.Ithoughtitmightbefunforustodropinandsayhello.”
“Ofcourseyoudid.”
“What’sthebigdeal?We’llbeoutofheresoonandyoucanheadbackhomeandtakeupknittingmittensforcatsorwhatever.Don’tmakethisintosomethingthatitisn’t.”
“WhyshouldI?You’vealreadydonethat.”
“Talktohim,don’ttalktohim,”Serenasaid,reachingforanotherpeanut,“itdoesn’tmattertome.It’syourlife,notmine.Andbesides,we’realreadyhere,let’sjustenjoyit,okay?”
“Ireallyhatethatyou—”
“Incaseyou’reinterested,”Serenainterrupted,“Colinisactuallyaveryniceguy.Smart,too.Andyouhavetoadmit,he’skindofhotasfarasbartendersgo.”Sheloweredhervoicetoawhisper.“Iactuallythinkhistattoosaresexy,”shesaid,noddingtowardhim.“I’llbethe’sgotsomemorethataren’tvisible,too.”
Mariastruggledtofindwords.“Ithink…”shesputtered,tryingtosortthroughitallandexperiencingthesamesortofconfusionshehadonthenightshe’dfirstmetColin.“Canwepleasejusthaveourdrinksandgo?”
Serenamadeaface.“ButI’mhungry.”
Colinreturnedwiththeirdrinksandsetthefoamyglassesinfrontofthem.“Anythingelse?”heasked.
BeforeMariacoulddecline,Serenaraisedhervoiceoverthesoundofthecrowd.“Couldwehaveamenu?”
SerenapointedlyignoredMaria’sobviousdiscomfortallthroughdinner.
Still,Mariahadtoadmitthatitwasn’tasuncomfortableasshe’dfeared,mostlybecauseColinwastoobusytotreatthemasanythingotherthanordinarycustomers.HementionednothingaboutchangingMaria’stireorabouthisclasseswithSerena;becauseofthecrowdatthebar,hehadbarelyenoughtimetokeepupwithorders.Hehustledcontinuouslyfromoneendofthebartotheother,takingordersandmakingdrinks,closingoutbills,andgettingthewaitresseswhattheyneeded.Inthenexthour,therooftoponlybecamemorecrowded,anddespitetheadditionofasecondbartenderafewminutesafterthey’darrived—aprettyblondeperhapsayearolderthanSerena—thewaitfordrinkscontinuedtogrow.IftherewasanyindicationthatColinknewSerenaatall,itwasthattheirdinnerorderwastakenanddeliveredpromptly,aswasasecondroundofdrinks.Heclearedtheirplatesmomentsaftertheyfinishedanddroppedoffthebill,whichhealsoclosedoutassoonasMarialaiddownhercreditcard.Meanwhile,Serenakeptupasteadyflowoflivelychatter.
TherewereevenmomentswhenMariaforgotaboutColinentirely,thoughfromtimetotimeshefoundhergazeflickeringhisway.Serenahadn’tsaidanythingmoreabouthim,butMariathoughtheseemedtoooldtobeacollegestudent.ShesupposedshecouldaskSerenaaboutthat,butshedidn’twanttogiveherthesatisfaction,sinceshe’ddraggedMariahereunderfalsepretenses.
Despiteherself,MariahadtoadmitthatSerenawasrightaboutthefactthatColin—whenhewasn’tbruised,bloody,andsoakingwetonadesertedstretchofroad—wasseriouslygood-looking.Oddlyclean-cutdespitehistattoosandpowerfulbuild,hehadaquick,almostwrygrin,andasfarasshecouldtell,allthreeofthewaitresseshadcrushesonhim.Sodidthegroupofwomenatthefarendofthebarwho’dshownuptwentyminutesago.Shecouldtellbythewaytheysmiledathimashepreparedtheirdrinksandwatchedhimafterhe’dturnedaway.Samethingwiththeotherbartender;thoughshewasasbusyasColin,sheseemedtobecomenoticeablydistractedwheneverhereachedpastherforaglassorabottleofliquor.
Good-lookingbartenderswerecommonenoughtobeacliché,aswasthepracticeofflirtingwiththem,butColin’sreactiontothesubtleandnot-so-subtlesignalssurprisedher.Thoughhewaspleasantwitheveryone,heotherwiseseemedoblivioustohisadmirers’attention.Or,atleast,hewasactingoblivious.Asshewastryingtodecodehismotive,another,oldermalebartendermovedbehindthebar,partiallyblockingherviewofColin.Besideher,Serenahadherphoneoutandwastexting.
“I’mlettingSteveandMelissaknowthatwe’reaboutdone,”Serenasaid,herfingersdancing.
“Aretheyhere?”
“They’rewalkingthiswaynow,”shesaid.WhenMariajustnodded,Serenawenton.“He’stwenty-eight,youknow.”
“Steve?”
“No,”Serenaanswered.“Steveismyage.Colinistwenty-eight.”
“And?”
“You’retwenty-eight,too.”
“Yes,Iknow.”
Serenadrainedherdrink.“IfiguredImightaswellmentionit,sinceyou’vebeensneakingpeeksathimallnight.”
“No,Ihaven’t.”
“Youcouldhavefooledme.”
Mariareachedforherowndrink,feelingslightlybuoyantfromthealcohol.“Okay,”sheconceded,“maybeIdidcheckhimoutonceortwice.Buttwenty-eightisalittletoooldtostillbeincollege,don’tyouthink?”
“Thatdepends.”
“Dependsonwhat?”
“Onwhenhestarted.Colindidn’tstartuntilacoupleofyearsago,sohe’srightonschedule.Hewantstobeanelementaryschoolteacher,justlikeme.Andifyou’recurious,hisgradesareprobablybetterthanmine.Hetakeshisclassesveryseriously.Hesitsatthefrontoftheclassandtakesridiculousnotes.”
“Whyareyoutellingmethis?”
“Becauseit’sobviousthatyou’reinterestedinhim.”
“I’mnotinterestedinhim.”
“You’vebeenmakingthatclearallnight,”Serenaagreed,feigninginnocence.“He’sdefinitelynotthetypeyou’deverwanttogodancingwith.Aguythathandsome?Please.”
Mariaopenedhermouthtorespondbutcloseditagain,knowingthatsayinganythingmorewouldonlyencouragehersisterfurther.Inthesilence,Serena’sphonepingedandshepeereddownatit.
“Steve’sdownstairs.Youreadytogo?Orwouldyouratherwaithereforabit?”
“Why?BecauseyouwantmetohitonColin?”
“He’snothere.”
Marialookedup;sureenough,Colinwasgone.
“Hewasworkingtheafternoonshift,sohe’sprobablyofftheclock,”Serenaadded,slidingoffherstool.Shehitchedherpurseoverhershoulder.“Thanksfordinner,bytheway.Doyouwanttowalkdownwithme?”
Mariareachedforherpurse.“Ithoughtyousaidyoudidn’twantmetomeetSteve.”
“Iwaskidding.Hewantstobealawyer,bytheway.Maybeyoucantalkhimoutofit.”
“WhywouldIdothat?”
“Doyoureallyneedmetoanswerthatquestionafterallyou’vebeenthrough?”
Mariawassilent.Serena,liketheirparents,knewhowhardthelastcoupleofyearshadbeen.
“Still,”Serenasaid,“it’sashame.”
“What’sashame?”
“IknowColinwasbusytonight,butyouneverdidthankhimforchangingyourtire.Youmightnotwanttotalktohim,butitwasanicethingforhimtodothatnight,andyoucouldhavetoldhimso.”
AgainMariasaidnothing,butasshefollowedSerenatothestairs,shefoundherselfthinkingthathersisterwas,asusual,right.
Stevewascuteinapreppykindofway,rightdowntotheplaidshortsandlightbluepolothatmatchedhisTopsiders.Hecameacrossasniceenough,thoughitwasapparentwithinminutesthathewasalotmoreinterestedinSerenathanshewasinhim,sinceshespentmostofhertimetalkingtoMelissa.ThoughMariachidedherselfforitasshestartedinthedirectionofhercar,shefoundherselfenvyingtheeasewithwhichheryoungersisterseemedtonavigateeveryfacetofherlife.
Thenagain,howhardwaslifeforatwenty-one-year-oldstudent?Collegewasabubblethatkepttherestoftheworldatbay.Therewasanabundanceoffreetime,friendswholivedeitherwithyouorrightnextdoor,andanoverwhelmingsenseofoptimismaboutthefuture,evenifyouhadnoideaastothespecificsofwhatthatmightmean.Incollege,everyoneacceptedthefactthattheirliveswouldturnoutexactlyasplanned,buoyingthemfromonegoodmemorytothenextinacascadeofcarefreethree-dayweekends.
Shehesitated,changinghermind.Well,forpeoplelikeSerena,anyway.Maria’sownexperiencehadbeendifferentbecauseshe’dtakenhereducationmoreseriouslythanmost—shecouldrememberbeingwaytoostressedwaytoooften.Inretrospect,sherealizedthatshe’dprobablyspenttoomuchtimestudyingandworryingaboutexams.Sherecalledworkingonpapersuntiltheweehoursofthemorning,editingthemoverandoveruntileverywordwasjustright.Atthetime,itseemedlikethemostimportantthingintheworld,butinthelastfewyears,she’dbeguntowonderwhyshe’dtakenitallsoseriously.BillGates,SteveJobs,MichaelDell,andMarkZuckerberghaddroppedoutofcollege,andthey’ddoneokay,right?Theyintuitivelyunderstoodthattheworlddidn’tcareaboutgradesorevengraduating,atleastnotinthelongrun,especiallywhencomparedtotraitslikecreativityorpersistence.Sure,hergradeshadlikelyhelpedherlandherveryfirstjobwiththedistrictattorney’soffice,buthadanyonecaredsincethen?Whenshe’dbeenhiredatthefirm,they’dbeeninterestedonlyinherworkexperienceandseemedtoregardthefirsttwenty-fouryearsofherlifeasinconsequential.Thesedays,Barney’sconversationswerecenteredonhercurrentworkproduct,andKen’sinterestswereofadifferentnatureentirely.
Thinkingback,sheregrettednottakingayearoffaftergraduationandgoingbackpackingthroughEurope,orvolunteeringforTeachforAmericaorwhatever.Frankly,itdidn’tmatterwhatshedidaslongasitwassomethinginteresting,butshe’dbeeninsuchaheadlongrushtogrowupandbecomeanadultthatthosethoughtshadneverevenenteredhermind.Shedidn’talwaysfeellikeshewasreallyliving,though,andshesometimesfoundherselfregrettingthechoicesshe’dmade.Andonthatsubject,wasn’tshetooyoungtohavethesekindsofregrets,anyway?Weren’tthosesupposedtostartinmiddleage?Lordknows,hermomanddaddidn’tseemtohaveanyandtheyweremiddle-aged.Meanwhile,Serenaactedasthoughshedidn’thaveacareintheworld,either—sowherehadMariagonewrong?
Sheblamedhermelancholythoughtsonthepi?acoladas,whoseeffectsshewasstillfeelingabit.Decidingtogiveherselfalittlemoretimebeforeshegotbehindthewheel,shesquintedatthepieranddecided,Whynot?Duskwascomingon,butshestillhadanotherhourorsobeforeitwasdark.
Turningaround,shestartedthatway,watchingthechaoticactivityasfamiliesbegantodepartthebeachenmasse.Sunburnedkids,overtiredandwhining,trailedtheirequallysunburnedandovertiredparents,whowerehaulingboogieboards,coolers,umbrellas,andtowels.
Atthebeach,shestoppedtoslipoffhersandals,wonderingifshe’drecognizeanyonefromhighschoolorwhetherthey’drecognizeher,butshespottednoonefamiliar.Shetrudgedthroughthesandandwhenshereachedthepier,shemadeherwayupthestepsjustasthesunwasbeginningitsslowdescent.Throughtheslatsbeneathherfeet,shewatchedassandgavewaytoshallowwater,thenfinallytowavescascadingtowardtheshore.Ineitherdirection,surferswerestillcatchingswells.Admiringtheirgracefulmovements,shepassedpeoplefishing;menandwomen,youngandold,allofthemlostintheirownworlds.Sherememberedthatwhenshehadbeenateenager,aboyshe’dlikedhadoncetalkedherintogivingitatry.Itwasablazing-hotdayandcastingwasmoredifficultthanshethoughtitwouldbe.Theyeventuallyleftthepierempty-handed,andshelaterrealizedthatshelikedtheboyalotmorethanshe’deverlikefishing.
Thecrowdsgrewsparserthefartheroutshegot,andbythetimeshereachedtheendofthepiershenoticedonlyalonefisherman,hisbacktowardher.Hewasdressedinfadedjeansandabaseballcap,butfromhercursoryglanceshecouldtellthathewasputtogetherjustright.Shruggingoffthethought,sheturnedhergazetothehorizon,catchingsightofthemoonrisingfromthesea.Inthedistance,acatamaranglidedoverthesurface,andsheidlywonderedwhetherSerenamightbepersuadedtojoinheronasailingtriponeweekend.
“Areyoufollowingme?”Thevoicecamefromthecornerofthepier.
Whensheturned,ittookafewsecondsforhertoregisterthatitwasColin.Thefishermaninthebaseballcap,shesuddenlyrealized.Shefeltheatriseinhercheeks.HadSerenasetthisup,too?No,comingoutherehadbeenheridea.Hadn’tit?Serenahadn’ttalkedaboutColinorthepier…whichmeantthishadtobeacoincidence,likethenighthe’dpulledoverandchangedhertire.Whatweretheoddsofmeetinghimhere?Toolowtobeplausible,andyet…hewashereandshewashere,andshecouldtellhewaswaitingforananswer.
“No,”shestammered.“I’mnotfollowingyou.Ijustcameoutheretoenjoytheview.”
Heseemedtoweighheranswer.“And?”
“Andwhat?”
“Theview.Howisit?”
Flustered,shehadtoprocesshisquestionbeforeshecouldanswer.“It’sbeautiful,”shefinallysaid.
“Betterthanfromtherestaurant?”
“Different.Morepeaceful.”
“Ithinkso,too.That’swhyI’mhere.”
“Butyou’refishing…?”
“Notreally,”hesaid.“Likeyou,I’mmainlyheretoappreciatethescenery.”Hesmiledbeforeleaningovertherailing.“Ididn’tmeantobotheryou,”heassuredher.“Enjoythesunset,Maria.”
Somehow,hearinghimsayhernameoutherefeltmoreintimatethanithadinthebar,andsheabsentlywatchedashebeganreelinginhisline.Hecastagain,thelineunspoolingintothedistance,andshewonderedwhethersheshouldstayorgo.Heseemedcontenttogiveherspace,justashe’ddonethenightthey’dfirstmet.Whichremindedher…
“Hey,Colin?”
Heturnedhishead.“Yes?”
“Ishouldhavethankedyouforchangingmytiretheothernight.Youreallysavedme.”
“You’rewelcome.Iwasgladtohelp.”Hesmiled.“AndI’mgladyoucametotherestauranttonight,too.”
“ThatwasSerena’sidea.”
“Icouldtell.Youdidn’tseemallthathappytoseeme.”
“Itwasn’tthat.Iwasjust…surprised.”
“Metoo.”
Mariacouldfeelhisgazelingeringonherbeforehefinallyturnedaway.Shewasn’tquitesurehowtorespond,andforawhile,thetwoofthemsimplystoodthereinsilence.Colinseemedperfectlyrelaxedandself-contained,whileMariatriedtoimmerseherselfintheviewonceagain.Ashrimpboattrawledthedarkerwatersinthedistance,andoverhershoulder,thelightsflickeredonatCrabbyPete’s.Thefaintstrainsofclassicrockbegantodriftoutofoneoftherestaurants,signalingthebeginningoftheeveningfestivities.
ShestudiedColinfromthecornerofhereye,tryingtofigureoutwhyheseemedsodifferentthanothermen.Inherexperience,menheragegenerallyfellintooneoffivecategories:arroganttypeswhobelievedthemselvestobeoneofGod’sfavoritecreations;friendlyguyswhomightbecomekeepersexceptforthefactthattheyoftenweren’tinterestedinrelationships;shyguyswhocouldbarelyspeak;menwhoweren’tinterestedinheratallforonereasonoranother;andreallygoodones—genuinekeepers—whowerealmostalwaystaken,inherexperience.Colindidn’tseemlikethefirstkind,andbasedonwhatshe’dobservedatthebar,hedidn’tseemlikethesecondorthirdkinds,either.Whichmeant,obviously,thathewaseitherthefourthorfifthkind.Hewasn’tinterestedinher…andyet,deepdown,shesuspectedthatshemightbewrongaboutthat,thoughshewasn’tsurewhy.Whichleftthepossibilitythathewasinthefifthcategory,butunfortunately,she’dprettymuchendedtheconversationearlier,somaybehissilencewasareactiontoherperceivedstandoffishness.
Afterhe’dchangedhertire.Afterhisfriendlyefficiencyatthebar.AfterSerenahadassuredherthathewasaniceguy.Andafterhe’dinitiatedaconversationjustafewmomentsearlier.Shefelthershouldersslump.Nowondershespentherweekendsalone.
“Hey,Colin?”shetriedagain.
Hewasstillleaningovertherailing,andwhenheturnedafteramoment,shedetectedthesametraceofamusementshe’dnoticedinthebar.“Yes?”
“MayIaskyouaquestion?”
“Yes.”Hisblue-grayeyesglowedlikeseaglass.
“Whydoyoulikefishing?”
Hereachedup,tiltinghishatbackslightly.“IguessIdon’t,really.AndI’mnotverygoodatit,either.Ihardlyevercatchanything.”
Sheregisteredthesoftprecisionofhisspeech.“Thenwhydoyoudoit?”
“It’sagoodwaytounwindafterwork,especiallywhenit’sbusy…It’sjustnicetohaveafewminutestomyself,youknow?Icomeouthereandit’squietandtheworldslowsdownforawhile.Istartedbringingapolebecauseitgavemesomethingtodo,insteadofjuststandingouthereandstaringatthehorizon.”
“LikeIwasdoing?”
“Exactly.Wouldyouliketoborrowmypole?”Whenshelaughedunderherbreath,hewenton.“Besides,IthinkitmadepeoplenervouswhenIjuststoodoutherebrooding,likeIwasuptonogood.Andearlierthisweek,withthebruises,Iprobablywouldhavescaredthem,too.”
“I’dliketothinkyoucameoffascontemplative.”
“Idoubtit.You,ontheotherhand,comeacrossasthetypewhofrequentlycontemplatesthings.Life.Goals.Dreams.”
Sheflushed,feelingtootongue-tiedtoanswer.Despiteherself,shecouldn’thelpagreeingwithSerena:Colinwasseriously…hot.Sheshookthethoughtaway,notwantingtogothere.
“Doyoumind?”hesaid,motioningtowardherbeforeleaningoverandgrabbinghistacklebox.“I’mnothavingalotofluckoverhere.”
Hissuggestioncaughtheroffguard.“Uh,yeah…sure.Butifyou’renotverygoodatfishing,Ican’tpromisethisspotwillbeanybetter.”
“Itprobablywon’tbe,”headmitted,drawingnear.Hesetthetackleboxbesidehimonthepier,leavingacomfortabledistancebetweenthem.“ButIwon’thavetotalksoloud.”
Unlikeher,heseemedperfectlyrelaxed,andshewatchedashereeledinhislineandrecastinanewlocation.Heleanedforward,jerkingthepoleslightly.
“Yoursisterhasquiteapersonality,”hesaidafteramoment.
“Whydoyousaythat?”
“Herintroductiontomeincludedthewords,‘Heyyou,withthehurtface.’”
Mariagrinned,thinkingthatsoundedexactlylikeSerena.“She’soneofakind,that’sforsure.”
“Butshe’smorelikeafriendthanasister,right?”
“Didshetellyouthat?”
“No,”hesaid.“InoticeditwhileIwaitedonthetwoofyou.It’seasytotellyou’reprettyclose.”
“Weare,”Mariaagreed.“Doyouhavesiblings?”
“Twooldersisters.”
“Areyouclose?”
“NotlikeyouandSerena,”headmittedasheadjustedthefishingline.“IlovethemandIcareaboutthem,butwekindofendeduptakingdifferentpathsinlife.”
“Whichmeans?”
“Wedon’treallytalkthatoften.Maybeonceeverycoupleofmonthsorso.It’sbeenimprovinglately,butit’sagradualprocess.”
“That’stoobad.”
“Itiswhatitis,”hesaid.
Hisanswersuggestedhedidn’treallywanttodiscussitfurther.“Serenasaidthatyouandsheareinclasstogether?”sheasked,venturingontosaferground.
Henodded.“Shecaughtupwithmeonthewaytothelibrary.IguessyoumusthavetoldherhowIlookedthatnightandsheputitalltogether.Whichwasn’ttoohard,whatwiththehurtfaceandall.”
“Itwasn’tsobad.Ididn’treallythinkmuchaboutit.”Whenheraisedaneyebrow,sheshrugged.“Allright.SomaybeIwasalittlescaredwhenyouwalkedup.”
“Makessense.Itwaslateandyouwereinthemiddleofnowhere.That’soneofthereasonsIstopped.”
“Whatwastheotherreason?”
“Youwereagirl.”
“Andyouthinkallgirlsneedhelpchangingatire?”
“Notallgirls.Butmysistersandmymomwouldhaveneededhelp.AndIdidn’tgetthesensethatyouwerehavingalotoffun.”
Shenodded.“Thankyouagain.”
“Youalreadysaidthat.”
“Iknow.Butitdeservedtobesaidasecondtime.”
“Okay.”
“Just‘okay’?”Thecornersofhermouthturnedup.
“It’smygo-tophrasewhensomeonemakesastatementinsteadofaskingaquestion.”
Shewrinkledherforehead.“Isupposethatmakessense.”
“Okay,”hesaid,anddespiteherself,shelaughed,finallybeginningtorelax.
“Doyoulikebartending?”sheasked.
“It’sallright,”heanswered.“ItpaysthebillswhileI’minschool,Icanprettymuchpickmyschedule,andthetipsaregood.ButIhopeI’mnotforcedtomakeitacareer.There’smoreIwanttodowithmylife.”
“Serenasaidyouwanttobeateacher.”
“Ido,”heagreed.“Wheredidshego,bytheway?”
“Shemetupwithsomefriends.They’lltrollthebarsforawhileandlistentomusic,thenprobablyheadofftoapartyorwhatever.”
“Whydidn’tyoujointhem?”
“I’malittleoldforcollegeparties,don’tyouthink?”
“Idon’tknow.Howoldareyou?”
“Twenty-eight.”
“I’mtwenty-eightandI’mstillincollege.”
Yeah,shethought,Iknow.“Andyougotocollegeparties?”
“No,”heconceded,“butit’snotbecauseIthinkI’mtooold.Ijustdon’tgotoparties.Bars,either.”
“Butyouworkatabar.”
“That’sdifferent.”
“Why?”
“BecauseIworkthere.AndevenifIdidn’t,it’snotthekindofbarwhereI’dendupgettingintrouble,sinceit’sreallymoreofarestaurant.”
“Yougetintroubleatbars?”
“Iusedto,”hesaid.“Notanymore.”
“Butyoujustsaidyoudon’tgo.”
“That’swhyIdon’tgetintotrouble.”
“Howaboutclubs?”
Heshrugged.“DependsontheclubandwhoI’mwith.Usually,no.Everynowandthen,yes.”
“Becauseyougetintotroublethere,too?”
“Ihaveinthepast.”
Shepuzzledoverhisanswerbeforefinallyturningtowardthehorizonagain.Themoonglowedagainstthebackdropofaskythatwasbeginningitsslowprogressionfromgraytoblack.Colinfollowedhergaze,neitherofthemspeakingforamoment.
“Whatkindoftrouble?”shefinallyasked.
Heliftedthetipofhisreel,jerkingtheline,beforeanswering.“Fights,”hesaid.
Foramoment,shewasn’tsureshe’dheardhimright.“Youusedtofightinbars?”
“Upuntilafewyearsago,Iusedtofightinbarsallthetime.”
“Whywouldyougetintofights?”
“Guysusuallygotobarsforfourreasons:togetdrunk,tohangwithfriends,topickupgirls,ortofight.Iwouldshowupforallfour.”
“Youwantedtofight?”
“Usually.”
“Howmanytimes?”
“I’mnotsureIunderstandthequestion.”
“Howmanytimesdidyougetintofights?”
“Ican’trememberexactly.Probablyoverahundred.”
Sheblinked.“Youwereinoverahundredbarfights?”
“Yes.”
Shewasn’tsurewhattosay.“Whyareyoutellingmethis?”
“Becauseyouasked.”
“Andyouanswereverythingthatpeopleaskyou?”
“Noteverything.”
“Butyouthinktellingmeaboutsomethinglikethisisokay?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I’mguessingyou’realawyer,right?”
Sheinhaled,thrownbythesuddenchangeinsubject.“DidSerenatellyouthat?”
“No.”
“ThenhowdidyouknowIwasalawyer?”
“Ididn’tknow.Ithoughtitwasapossibilitybecauseyouaskalotofquestions.Mostlawyersdo.”
“Andgivenallthosebarfights,you’veprobablyhadalotofexperiencewithlawyers?”
“Yes.”
“Istillcan’tbelieveyou’retellingmethis.”
“Whywouldn’tItellyou?”
“Becauseadmittingthatyouusedtogetinbarfightsisn’tsomethingthatpeopleusuallydowhenfirstgettingtoknoweachother.”
“Okay,”hesaid.“ButlikeIsaid,Idon’tdothatanymore.”
“Whatabouttheothernight?”
“ThatwasanMMAmatch.Mixedmartialarts.It’sentirelydifferentfromwhatIusedtodointhepast.”
“It’sstillfighting,isn’tit?”
“It’sasport—likeboxingortaekwondo.”
Shesquintedathim.“IsMMAtheoneinthecage?Whereanythinggoes?”
“Yestothefirst,andnotothesecond,”hesaid.“Therearerules.Actually,therearealotofrules,evenifitcanbeviolent.”
“Andyouenjoytheviolence?”
“It’sgoodforme.”
“Why?Becauseithelpstokeepyououtoftrouble?”
“Amongotherthings.”Hesmiled,andforthefirsttimeinalong,longwhile,shefoundherselfutterlyatalossforwords.CHAPTER5
Colin
ColinhadwitnessedreactionslikeMaria’sbefore,andheknewshewasdebatingwhethersheshouldstickaround.Peoplegenerallyhadnegativereactionstohearingabouthispast.Whilehenolongerbeathimselfupforhismistakes,hewasn’tproudofthem,either.Hewaswhohewas,wartsandall,andheacceptedthat.Nowitwasherturntomakeadecision.
HeknewthatEvanwouldhaveshakenhisheadatthewayColinhadansweredherquestions,butasidefromColin’sdesiretobehonest,whatEvandidn’tunderstandwasthattryingtohidethetruthabouthispastwasfutile,evenifhewantedtokeepithidden.Peoplewerebothcuriousandcautious,andheknewthataquickInternetsearchusinghisnamewouldyieldahandfulofnewspaperarticlesabouthim,noneofthemgood.Andifhehadn’tlaiditouttherefromthebeginning?EitherMariaorSerenamayhaveGoogledhimthesamewayVictoriahad.
He’dmetVictoriaatthegymacoupleofyearsago,andafterchattingoffandonforafewmonths,they’dfallenintooccasionallyworkingouttogether.He’dthoughttheyweregettingalongwellandconsideredheragoodtrainingpartneruntilshe’dsuddenlybeguntoavoidhim.She’dstoppedreturninghistextsorcallsandstartedworkingoutinthemorningsinsteadoftheevenings.Whenhewasfinallyabletotalktoheraboutit,she’drevealedwhatshe’dlearnedabouthimandinsistedthathestoptryingtocontacther.Shehadn’tbeeninterestedinexcusesandColinhadn’tofferedany,buthedidwonderwhyshe’dconductedherInternetresearchinthefirstplace.Itwasn’tasthoughthey’dbeendating;hewasn’tsurethey’devenreachedthefriendshipstageyet.Amonthlater,she’dstoppedcomingtothegymatall,andthatwasthelasthe’dseenofher.
Shehadn’tbeentheonlyonewho’dshiedawayafterlearningthetruthaboutColin,andwhileEvanmightjokethatColinimmediatelyvolunteeredhisfullhistorytoanyonewhoasked,itwasn’tlikethat.Itgenerallywasn’tanyoneelse’sbusiness,andhekeptitthatway,unlesssomeonewas—ormightbecome—partofhislifesomehow.ThoughitwaswaytooearlytotellwhetherMariafellintothatcategory,Serenawasaclassmate,andifshe’dtalkedtohimonce,shejustmighttalktohimagain.HeadmittedthattherewassomethingaboutMariathatinterestedhim,however.Partofitwasthewayshelooked,ofcourse—shewasamoremature,morestrikingversionofSerena,withthesamedarkhairandeyes—butatthebar,he’dnotedherlackofvanity.Thoughshe’ddrawnstaresfromanynumberofmenontherooftop,shehadn’tbeenawareofit,whichwasextremelyrare.Buthisinitialimpressionsrandeeperthanthat.UnlikeSerena—whowasbubblyandchattyandnotreallyhistype—Mariawasquieter,morecontemplative,andobviouslyintelligent.
Andnow?HeobservedMariaasshetriedtofigureoutwhethershewantedtostayorgo,continuetheconversationorsaygood-bye.Hesaidnothing,givingherroomtomakeherowndecision.Instead,heconcentratedonthefeelofthebreezeandthesoundofthewaves.Staringdownthepier,henoticedthatmostofthepeoplewho’dbeenfishinghadclearedout;thosewhostillremainedwerepackinguptheirgearorcleaningtheircatch.
Marialeanedalittlefartherovertherailing.Thedarkeningskycastherfaceinshadow,makingherappearmysterious,unknowable.Hewatchedasshedrewalongbreath.
“Whatotherthings?”shefinallyasked.Colinsmiledinwardly.
“AsmuchasIenjoyworkingout,therearetimeswhenI’mjustnotinthemood.ButknowingthatIhaveamatchcomingup,andknowingIhavetotrainforit,getsmeoffthecouchandintothegym.”
“Everyday?”
Henodded.“Usuallytwoorthreedifferentsessions.Ittakesalotoftime.”
“Whatdoyoudo?”
“Almostanything,”hesaidwithashrug.“Abigchunkofmytrainingiscenteredaroundstrikingandgrappling,butafterthat,ItrytomixitupasmuchasIcan.IdoOlympicandheavylifting,butI’llalsodospinclasses,yoga,kayaking,circuitwork,running,ropeclimbs,stairs,plyometrics,body-weightexercises,whatever.AslongasIcanbreakasweat,I’mhappy.”
“Youdoyoga?”
“It’snotonlygoodforflexibilityandbalance,butit’sgreatformementally.It’slikemeditating.”Henoddedatthewater,burnishedred-goldinthelastraysofthesun.“Kindoflikebeingouthereafterashift.”
Shesquintedathim.“Youdon’tlooklikeaguywhodoesyoga.Guyswhodoyogaare…”
Hefinishedforher.“Skinny?Bearded?Intothingslikeincenseandbeads?”
Shelaughed.“Iwasgoingtosaythey’reusuallynotintoviolence.”
“NeitheramI.Notanymore.Obviously,injuriescanhappenduringoneofmyfights,butIdon’tnecessarilywanttohurtanyone.Ijustwanttowin.”
“Don’tthetwogotogether?”
“Sometimes,butnotalways.Ifyougetyouropponentsintherightsubmissionhold,they’lltapoutandwalkawaygoodasnew.”
Shetwirledthebraceletonherwrist.“Isitscary?Walkingintothatcage?”
“Ifyou’rescared,youprobablyshouldn’tbegettingintotheringinthefirstplace.Forme,it’smoreofarushthatgetstheadrenalineflowing.Thekeyistokeeptheadrenalineundercontrol.”
Hebeganreelinginhisline.
“Itakeityou’reprettygood.”
“I’mallrightforanamateur,butI’dstruggleinthepros.SomeofthoseguyswereNCAA-levelwrestlersorOlympicboxers,andthey’reoutofmyleague.ButI’mfinewiththat.It’snotmydreamtogopro—it’sjustsomethingtodountilIgraduate.Whenthetimecomes,I’llbereadytowalkaway.”
Insteadofcastingagain,hefastenedthehookandluretothepole,thentightenedtheline.“Andbesides,teachingandcagefightingdon’texactlymesh.I’dprobablyscarethelittlekidslikeIscaredyou.”
“Littlekids?”
“Iwanttoteachthirdgrade,”hesaid.Hebentover,reachingforhistacklebox.“It’sgettingdark,”headded.“Youreadytoheadback?Orwouldyouliketostayouthereabitlonger?”
“Wecango,”shesaid.AsColinsetthepoleonhisshoulder,shenotedtherestaurantslitfromwithin,linesofpeoplealreadyformingatthedoors,thefaintstrainsofmusicfillingtheair.“It’sstartingtogetcrowdeddownhere.”
“That’swhyIaskedtoworkthedayshift.It’llbeazooontherooftoptonight.”
“Goodfortips,no?”
“Notworththeaggravation.Toomanycollegekids.”
Shelaughed,thesoundwarmandmelodic.Theybegantoretracethestepsthey’dtakenearlier,neitherfeelingtheneedtorush.Inthedimminglight,shewasalluring,herslightsmilemakinghimwonderwhatshewasthinking.“Haveyoualwayslivedhere?”heasked,breakingthepeacefullull.
“IgrewuphereandmovedbacklastDecember,”sheanswered.“Betweencollege,lawschool,andworkinginCharlotte,Iwasgoneforabouttenyears.You’renotfromhere,though,right?”
“I’mfromRaleigh,”hesaid.“SpentsummersherewhenIwasakid,livedhereonandoffforamonthortwoforafewyearsafterhighschool.I’vebeenlivingherepermanentlythelastthreeyears.”
“We’veprobablybeenneighborsattimesanddidn’tevenknowit.IwenttoUNCandDuke.”
“Neighborsornot,Idoubtwetraveledinthesamesocialcircles.”
Shesmiled.“So…youcameheretogotocollege?”
“Notatfirst.Collegecamealittleafterthat.IcameherebecausemyparentskickedmeoutofthehouseandIwasn’tsurewhereelsetogo.MyfriendEvanwaslivinghereandIendeduprentingaroomfromhim.”
“Yourparentskickedyouout?”
Henodded.“Ineededawakeupcall.Theygavemeone.”
“Oh.”Shetriedtokeephervoiceneutral.
“Idon’tblamethem,”hesaid.“Ideservedit.Iwouldhavekickedmeout,too.”
“Becauseofthefights?”
“There’smoretoitthanjustthat,butthefightswerepartofit.Iwaskindofaproblemchild.Andthen,afterhighschool,Iwasaproblemadultforawhile.”Heglancedoverather.“Whataboutyou?Doyoulivewithyourparents?”
Sheshookherhead.“IhaveacondodownonMarketStreet.AsmuchasIlovethem,there’snowayIcouldlivewithmyparents.”
“Whatdotheydo?”
“TheyownLaCocinadelaFamilia.It’sarestauranthereintown.”
“I’veheardofit,butIhaven’tbeenthere.”
“Youshouldgo.Thefoodisreallyauthentic—mymomstillcooksalotofitherself—andtheplaceisalwayspacked.”
“IfImentionyourname,willIgetadiscount?”
“Doyouneedadiscount?”
“Notreally.I’mjustwonderinghowfarwe’veprogressed.”
“I’llseewhatIcando.I’msureI’dbeabletopullsomestrings.”
Bythen,theywereoverthesandandheadedforthestairs.Hefollowedassheboundedgracefullydownthesteps.
“Doyouwantmetowalkyoutoyourcar?”heasked,meetinghergaze.
“I’llbeokay,”shedemurred.“It’snotfar.”
Hemovedtherodfromoneshouldertotheother,reluctantfortheeveningtoend.
“IfSerena’sgoingoutwithherfriends,whatwereyourplansfortherestofthenight?”
“Nothing,really.Why?”
“Doyouwanttolistentosomemusic?Sincewe’realreadyhere?It’snotthatlateyet.”
Hisquestionseemedtotakeherbysurprise,andforamoment,hethoughtshemightsayno.Sheadjustedherpursestrap,fidgetingwiththebuckle.Whilehewaited,hethoughtagainthatshewasbeautiful,herlong,darklashesshroudingherthoughts.
“Ithoughtyoudidn’tgotobars.”
“Idon’t.Butwecouldwalkthebeachforabit,listenforsomethinggood,andenjoyitwhereweare.”
“Areanyofthebandsanygood?”
“Ihavenoidea.”
Uncertaintywaswrittenonherfacebeforehesawsomethingfinallygiveway.“Allright.ButIdon’twanttostaylong.Maybejustawalkonthebeach,okay?Idon’twanttobedownherewhenthecrowdsdescend.”
Hesmiled,feelingsomethingunwindwithinhim,andraisedthetacklebox.“Letmejustdropthisoff,allright?I’drathernotcarryitthewholetime.”
Theybacktrackedtotherestaurant,andoncehestowedhisthingsintheemployeearea,theywanderedbackdowntothesand.Thestarswerebeginningtoemerge,brilliantpinpricksinthevelvetysky.Thewavescontinuedtheirsteadyrollandthewarmbreezewaslikeaquietexhale.Astheystrolled,hewasconsciousofthefactthatshewascloseenoughtotouch,buthepushedtherealizationaway.
“Whatkindoflawdoyoupractice?”
“Mainlyinsurancedefensework.Researchanddepositions,negotiation,andasafinalresort,litigation.”
“Andyoudefendinsurancecompanies?”
“Forthemostpart.Everynowandthen,we’reontheplaintiff’sside,butit’snotthatcommon.”
“Doesitkeepyoubusy?”
“Very.”Shenodded.“There’sapolicyforeverything,andasmuchasthepolicytriestoanticipateeverypossibility,therearealwaysgrayareas.Let’ssaysomeoneslipsinyourstoreandhesues,oranemployeesuesaftergettingfired,ormaybeyou’rethrowingabirthdaypartyforyoursonandoneofhisfriendsgetshurtinyourswimmingpool.Theinsurancecompanyisresponsibleforpayingtheclaim,butsometimestheydecidetofighttheclaim.That’swherewestepin.Becausetheothersidealwayshaslawyers.”
“Doyouevergotocourt?”
“Ihaven’tyet.Notforthisjob,anyway.I’mstilllearning.ThepartnerIdomostofmyworkforgoestocourtquiteabit,buttruthfullymostofourcasesaresettledbeforetheygototrial.Intheend,it’scheaperandlesshassleforeveryoneinvolved.”
“I’llbetyouhearalotoflawyerjokes.”
“Nottoomany,”shesaid.“Why?Doyouhaveone?”
Hetookacoupleofsteps.“Howdoesalawyersleep?”Athershrug,hesaid,“Firstheliesononeside,thenheliesontheother.”
“Ha,ha.”
“I’mkidding.I’mthefirsttoappreciategoodlawyers.Ihadsomebrilliantones.”
“Andyouneededthem?”
“Yes,”heanswered.Heknewthatwouldtriggerevenmorequestions,buthecontinuedon,noddingtowardtheocean.“Ilovewalkingthebeachatnight.”
“Why?”
“It’sdifferentthanitisduringtheday,especiallywhenthemoonisout…Ilikethemysteryofthinkingthatanythingcouldbeoutthere,swimmingjustbeneaththesurface.”
“That’sascarythought.”
“That’swhywe’rehereandnotoutthere.”
Shesmiledathiswords,surprisinglyateaseastheymeandereddownthebeach.Neitherofthemfelttheneedtospeak.Colinfocusedonthesensationofhisfeetsinkingintothesandandthewarmbreezeonhisface.WatchingMaria’shairrippleinthewind,herealizedthathewasenjoyingthewalkmorethanhe’danticipated.Heremindedhimselfthattheywerestrangers,butforsomereason,itdidn’tquitefeelthatway.
“Ihaveaquestion,butIdon’tknowifit’stoopersonal,”shefinallysaid
“Goahead,”hereplied,alreadyknowingwhatwascoming.
“Yousaidyouwereaproblemadultandthatyougotinalotofbarfights.Andthatyouhadsomegreatlawyers.”
“Yes.”
“Wasthatbecauseyouwerearrested?”
Headjustedhiscap.“Yes.”
“Morethanonce?”
“Anumberoftimes,”headmitted.“Forawhilethere,Iwasprettymuchonafirst-namebasiswithanynumberofcopsinRaleighandWilmington.”
“Wereyoueverconvicted?”
“Afewtimes,”hesaid.
“Andyouwenttoprison?”
“No.Iprobablyspentatotalofayearincountylockup.Notallatonce,morelikeamonthhere,twomonthsthere.Inevermadeitasfarasprison.Iwouldhave—thelastfightwasprettybad—butIcaughtaseriousbreakandhereIam.”
Sheloweredherchinslightly,nodoubtquestioningherdecisiontowalkwithhim.
“Whenyousayyoucaughtaseriousbreak…”
Hetookafewstepsbeforeanswering.“I’vebeenonprobationforthelastthreeyears,withtwomoretogo.It’spartofthefive-yeardealIreceived.Basically,ifIdon’tgetintoanymoretroubleforthenexttwoyears,they’llclearmyrecordentirely.WhichmeansI’llbeabletoteachintheclassroom,andthat’simportanttome.Peopledon’twantfelonsteachingtheirchildren.Ontheotherhand,ifImessup,thedealgoesoutthewindowandIgostraighttoprison.”
“Howisthatpossible?Tocompletelyclearyourrecord?”
“IwasdiagnosedwithanangerdisorderandPTSD,whichaffectedmymensrea.Youknowwhatthatis,right?”
“Inotherwords,you’resayingyoucouldn’thelpit,”shesaid.
Heshrugged.“Notme.That’swhatmypsychiatristssaid,andfortunately,Ihadtherecordstoproveit.I’dbeenintherapyforalmostfifteenyears,I’vebeenonmedicationperiodically,andaspartofmydeal,IhadtospendafewmonthsatapsychiatrichospitalinArizonathatspecializedinangerdisorders.”
“And…whenyougotbacktoRaleigh,yourparentskickedyououtofthehouse?”
“Yes,”hesaid.“Butallthattogether—thefightandpotentialprisonsentence,thedeal,mytimeatthehospital,andsuddenlybeingforcedtobeonmyown—ledmetodosomeserioussoulsearching,andIrealizedthatIwastiredofthelifeI’dbeenliving.Iwastiredofbeingme.Ididn’twanttobetheguywhowasknownforstompingonsomeone’sheadaftertheywerealreadyontheground,Iwantedtobeknownas…afriend,aguyyoucouldcounton.Orattheveryleast,aguywithsomekindoffutureaheadofhim.SoIstoppedpartyingandIchanneledallmyenergyintotrainingandgoingtoschoolandworkinginstead.”
“Justlikethat?”
“Itwasn’tquiteaseasyasitsounds,butyeah…justlikethat.”
“Peopledon’tusuallychange.”
“Ididn’thaveachoice.”
“Still…”
“Don’tgetthewrongidea.I’mnottryingtomakeexcusesforwhatIdid.RegardlessofwhatthedoctorssaidaboutwhetherornotIcouldactuallycontrolmybehavior,IknewIwasmessedup,andIdidn’tgiveadamnaboutgettingbetter.Instead,Ismokedpotanddrankandtrashedmyparents’houseandwreckedcarsandIgotarrestedoverandoverforfighting.Foralongtime,Ijustdidn’tcareaboutanythingotherthanpartyingthewayIwantedto.”
“Andnowyoucare?”
“Icarealot.AndIdon’thaveanyintentionofgoingbacktomyoldlife.”
Hefelthereyesonhim,andsensedhertryingtoreconcilethepasthe’ddescribedwiththemanbeforeher.“Icanunderstandtheangerdisorder,butPTSD?”
“Yes.”
“Whathappened?”
“Doyoureallywanttohearthis?It’skindofalongstory.”Whenshenodded,hewenton.“LikeItoldyou,Iwasabitofaproblemchild,andbythetimeIwaseleven,Iwasprettymuchuncontrollable.Intheend,myparentsshippedmeofftomilitaryschool,andthefirstoneIattendedwasjustabadplace.TherewasthisweirdLordoftheFliesmentalityamongtheupperclassmen,especiallywhensomeonenewarrived.Atfirst,itwaslittlethings—typicalhazingkindofstuff,liketakingmymilkordessertinthecafeteria,ormakingmeshinetheirshoesormaketheirbedswhileanotherguywentoverandtrashedmyroom,whichI’dhavetocleanbeforeinspection.Nobigdeal—everynewbiegoesthroughthatkindofstuff.Butsomeoftheseguysweredifferent…justsadistic.They’dwhipmewithwettowelsafterIshowered,orthey’dsneakupbehindmewhileIwasstudyingandthrowablanketoverme,andjuststartbeatingthecrapoutofme.Afterawhile,theystartedtodothatatnight,whenIwassleeping.Backthen,Iwaskindofsmallformyage,andImadethemistakeofcryingalot,whichonlyampedthemupevenmore.It’slikeIbecametheirspecialproject.They’dcomeformetwoorthreenightsaweek,alwayswiththeblanket,alwayswiththepunches,justbeatingthecrapoutofmewhiletellingmethatI’dbedeadbeforetheyearwasup.Iwasprettyfreakedout,onedgeallthetime.Iwouldtrytostayawakeandflinchattheslightestnoise,butit’snotlikeIcouldavoidsleeping.They’dbidetheirtimeandwaituntilIwasout.Thatkindofcrapwentonformonths.Istillhavenightmaresaboutit.”
“Didyoutellanyone?”
“OfcourseIdid.ItoldeveryoneIcould.Itoldthecommander,myteachers,thecounselor,evenmyparents.Noneofthembelievedme.Theykepttellingmetostoplyingandwhiningandjusttoughenup.”
“That’sawful—”
“Noquestion.Iwasjustalittlekid,butafterawhile,IfiguredIhadtogetoutofthere,orthey’dtakeittoofaroneday,soIendeduptakingmattersintomyownhands.Ismuggledinsomespraypaintandwenttotownintheadministrationbuilding.Iendedupgettingkickedout,whichwasexactlywhatIwanted.”Hedrewalongbreath.“Anyway,theyendedupclosingtheschoolacoupleofyearslater,afterthelocalpaperdidanexposéontheplace.Akiddiedthere.Alittlekid,myage.Iwasn’toneofthestudentsmentionedintheexposé,butitwasnationalnewsforawhile.Criminalandcivilcharges,thewholeworks.Somepeopleendedupinprisonoverit.Andmyparentsfeltterribleafterthat,becausetheyhadn’tbelievedme.Ithinkthat’swhytheyputupwithmeforsolongafterIgraduated.Becausetheystillfeltguilty.”
“Soafteryouwereexpelled…”
“IwenttoanothermilitaryschoolandsworetomyselfthatI’dneverletmyselfgetbeatenupagain.Inthefuture,I’dbetheonethrowingthefirstpunch.SoIlearnedtofight.Istudiedit,practicedit.Andafterthat,ifsomeoneevergrabbedme,I’djust…loseit.ItwaslikeIwasalittlekidagain.Igotexpelledoverandover,barelymadeitthrough,andafterIgraduated,itsortofsnowballedfromthere.LikeIsaid,Iusedtobeprettymessedup.”Hetookafewstepsinsilence.“Anyway,allthatcameintoplayduringthecourtproceedings.”
“Howdoyougetalongwithyourparentsrightnow?”
“Likemysisters,it’saworkinprogress.Rightnow,theyhavearestrainingorderagainstme.”
Astunnedexpressioncrossedherfaceandhewenton.
“IwasarguingwithmyparentsthenightbeforeIwenttoArizonaandIendeduppinningmydadagainstthewall.Iwasn’tgoingtohurthimandIkepttellinghimthat—Ijustwantedthemtolistentome—butitscaredthehelloutofmyparents.Theydidn’tpresscharges—orIwouldn’tbehere—buttheydidgetacourtorderthatprohibitsmefrombeingattheirhouse.Theydon’tnecessarilyenforceitnow,butit’sstillinplace,probablytokeepmefromeverthinkingaboutmovingbackin.”
Shestudiedhim.“Istilldon’tunderstandhowyoucanjust…change.Imean,whatifyougetangryagain?”
“Istillgetangry.Everyonedoes.ButI’velearneddifferentwaystocopewithit.Likenotgoingtobarsordoingdrugs,andIneverhavemorethanacoupleofbeerswhenI’mwithmyfriends.Andbeingreallyphysicaleveryday—traininghard,pushingmyself—helpskeepmymoodsincheck.Ialsolearnedalotofhelpfulthingsatthehospital,differentwaystocope.ThewholeexperienceendedupbeingoneofthebetterthingsI’veeverdone.”
“Whatdidyoulearnthere?”
“Deepbreathing,walkingaway,lettingthoughtsbounceoff,ortryingtoaccuratelynametheemotionwhenitstrikesinthehopesofdiminishingitspower…it’snoteasy,butitbecomesahabitafterawhile.Ittakesalotofeffortandalotofconsciousthought,butifIwasn’tdoingallofthesethings,I’dprobablyhavetogobackonlithium,andIhatethatcrap.It’sagooddrugforalotofpeopleanditworks,butIjustdidn’tfeellikemyselfwhenIusedtotakeit.Itwaslikepartofmewasn’tquitealive.AndIwasalwaysstarving,nomatterhowmuchIate.Iendedupgainingweight,gettingfat.I’drathertrainafewhoursaday,doyoga,meditate,andavoidplaceswhereImightgetintotrouble.”
“Isitworking?”
“Sofar,”heanswered.“Ijusttakeitonedayatatime.”
Astheywalkedfartherdownthebeach,themusicgraduallyfadedbeneaththesoundofwavesrollinguptheshore.Beyondthedunes,businesseshadgivenwaytohouses,lightsglowingthroughthewindows.Themoonhadrisenhigher,bathingtheworldinanetherealglow.Ghostcrabsscuttledfromonespottothenext,scurryingattheirslowapproach
“You’reveryopenaboutallofthis,”Mariaobserved.
“I’mjustansweringyourquestions.”
“Aren’tyouworriedwhatImightthink?”
“Notreally.”
“Youdon’tcarewhatotherpeoplethinkaboutyou?”
“ToacertainextentIdo.Everyonedoes.Butifyou’regoingtomakeajudgmentaboutme,thenyouneedtoknowwhoIreallyam,notjustthepartIdecidetotellyou.I’dratherbehonestaboutallofitandletyoumakethecallastowhetheryouwanttokeeptalkingtomeornot.”
“Haveyoualwaysbeenlikethis?”Shepeeredupathimwithgenuinecuriosity.
“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Honest?About…everything?”
“No,”hesaid.“ThatcameaboutafterIgotbackfromthehospital.AlongwithalltheotherchangesIdecidedtomakeinmylife.”
“Howdopeoplereacttoit?”
“Mostdon’tknowwhattomakeofit.Especiallyatfirst.Evanstilldoesn’t.AndIdon’tthinkyoudo,either.Butit’sstillimportanttometobetruthful.Especiallywithfriends,orsomeoneIthinkImightseeagain.”
“Isthatwhyyoutoldme?Becauseyouthinkyoumightseemeagain?”
“Yes,”heanswered.
Forafewseconds,shewasn’tsurewhattomakeofthat.
“You’reaninterestingman,Colin,”shesaid.
“It’sbeenaninterestinglife,”headmitted.“Butyou’reinteresting,too.”
“Trustme,comparedtoyou,I’mthefurthestthingfrominteresting.”
“Maybe.Maybenot.Butyouhaven’trunawayyet.”
“Istillmight.You’rekindofscary.”
“No,I’mnot.”
“Foragirllikeme?Believeme,you’realittlescary.ThisisprobablythefirsttimeI’veeverspentaneveningwithaguywhotalksaboutstompingonpeople’sheadsinbarfightsorpinninghisfatheragainstthewall.”
“Orhasbeenarrested.Orwenttoapsychiatricfacility…”
“Thosethings,too.”
“And?”
Shebrushedatafewwindblownstrandsofhair.“I’mstilldeciding.Rightnow,Ihavenoideawhattothinkabouteverythingyou’vesaid.ButifIsuddenlytakeoffrunning,don’ttrytocatchme,okay?”
“Fairenough.”
“DidyoutellanyofthistoSerena?”
“No,”hesaid.“Unlikeyou,shedidn’task.”
“Butwouldyouhave?”
“Probably.”
“Ofcourseyouwould.”
“Howaboutwetalkaboutyouinstead?Wouldthatmakeyoufeelbetter?”
Shecrackedawrysmile.“There’snotmuchtotell.Itoldyoualittleaboutmyfamily;youknowIgrewuphereandwenttoUNCandDukeLawSchool,andthatIworkasalawyer.Mypastisn’tquiteas…colorfulasyours.”
“That’sagoodthing,”hesaid.Somehowalreadyonthesamewavelength,theyturnedsimultaneouslyandstartedback.
“Okay,”shesaid,andwhenhelaughed,shestoppedforamoment,suddenlywincing.Reachingforhisarmtosteadyherself,sheliftedonefootfromthesand.“Givemeasecondhere.Mysandalsarekillingme.”
Hewatchedassheslippedthemoff.Whenshefinallyletgoofhisarm,hefeltthelingeringafterglowofhertouch.“Better,”shesaid.“Thanks.”
Theybeganwalkingagain,moreslowlythistime.OntheroofatCrabbyPete’s,thecrowdwasgrowing,andhesuspectedthatotherbarswerefillingupaswell.Abovethem,mostofthestarshadbeenwashedawaybymoonlight.Intheeasysilence,hefoundhimselfadmiringherfeatures:hercheekbonesandherfulllips,thesweepofherlashesagainstherflawlessskin.
“You’reveryquiet,”heobserved.
“I’mjusttryingtodigesteverythingyoutoldme.It’salot.”
“Noquestion,”heagreed.
“Iwillsaythatyou’redifferent.”
“Inwhatway?”
“BeforeItookajobhere,IwasanassistantdistrictattorneyinCharlotte.”
“Nokidding?”
“Alittleoverthreeyears.ItwasmyfirstjobafterIpassedthebar.”
“Soyouweremoreusedtoprosecutingguyslikemethandatingthem?”
Shehalfnoddedinagreement,butwenton.“It’smorethanthat.Mostpeoplepickandchoosethewaytheytelltheirstories.There’salwaysapositivebiasinvolved,andtheyframethestoriesthatway,butyou…You’resoobjective,it’salmostlikeyou’redescribingsomeoneelse.”
“Sometimesitfeelsthatwaytome,too.”
“Idon’tknowifIcoulddothat.”Frowning,shewenton.“Actually,Idon’tknowifIwanttodothat,atleasttotheextentthatyoudo.”
“YousoundlikeEvan.”Hesmiled.“HowdidyoulikeworkingintheDA’soffice?”
“Inthebeginningitwasallright.Andthewholethingwasagreatlearningexperience.Butafterawhile,Irealizeditwasn’twhatIthoughtitwouldbe.”
“Liketakingawalkwithme?”
“Kindof…”shesaid.“WhenIwasinlawschool,IthoughtthatbeinginacourtroomwouldbemorelikethestuffyouwatchonTV.Imean,Iknewitwouldbedifferent,butIwasn’tpreparedforjusthowdifferentitactuallywas.Tome,itseemedlikeIwasgoingafterthesameperson,withthesamebackground,overandover.TheDAwouldtakethehigher-profilecases,butthesuspectsIdealtwithwerelikewalkingclichés;theywereusuallypoorandunemployedwithlimitededucation,anddrugsandalcoholwereusuallyinvolved.Anditwasjust…relentless.Thereweresomanycases.IusedtodreadcominginonMondaymorningsbecauseIknewwhatwouldbewaitingformeonmydesk.Thesheervolumeputmeinthepositionofhavingtoprioritizethecasesandcontinuallynegotiatepleabargains.Weallknowthatmurderandattemptedmurderorcrimeswithgunsareserious,buthowdoyouprioritizetherestofit?Isaguywhostealsacarworsethanaguywhobrokeintosomeone’shouseandstolejewelry?Andhowdoeitherofthosecomparetoasecretarywhoembezzlesfromhercompany?Butthere’sonlysomuchroomonthecourtdocket;there’sonlysomuchspaceavailableinprison.Evenwhentherarecasedidgototrial,it’snotwhatyouknowhappened,it’swhatyoucanprovebeyondareasonabledoubt,andthat’swhereitgetseventrickier.Thepublicbelieveswehaveunlimitedresourcestoprosecute,withadvancedforensiccapabilitiesandexpertwitnessesattheready,butthat’sjustnotthewayitis.MatchingDNAcantakemonths,unlessit’sahigh-profilecrime.Witnessesarenotoriouslyinconsistent.Evidenceisambiguous.Andagain,therearejusttoomanycases…evenifIwantedtoreallydelveintoaparticularcrime,I’dhavetoneglectallthoseotherfileswaitingonmydesk.Somoreoftenthannot,thepragmaticthingwastosimplyworksomethingoutwithopposingcounsel,wherethesubjectpledtoalesseroffense.”
Shekickedatthesand,herfootstepsdragging.“IwasconstantlybeingputintosituationswherepeopleexpectedresultsthatIcouldn’tdeliver,andI’dendupbeingthebadguy.Intheirminds,thesuspectshadcommittedacrimeandtheyshouldbeheldaccountable,whichtothevictimsalmostalwaysmeantprisontimeorrestitutionofsomesort,butthatjustwasn’tpossible.Afterwards,thearrestingofficersweren’thappy,thevictimsweren’thappy,andIfeltlikeIwaslettingthemdown.Andinaway,Iwas.EventuallyIrealizedthatIwasjustacoginthewheelofthisgiant,brokenmachine.”
Sheslowed,pullinghersweatertighteraroundher.“There’sjust…eviloutthere.Youwouldn’tbelievethecasesthatwouldreachouroffice.Amomprostitutinghersix-year-olddaughtertobuydrugs,oramanrapinganinety-year-oldwoman.It’senoughtomakeyoulosefaithinhumanity.Andbecausethere’sthisgreatburdenonyoutogohardafterthereallyhorriblesuspects,thatmeansthatotherperpetratorsdon’tgetthepunishmenttheydeserveandendupbackonthestreets.Andsometimes…”Sheshookherhead.“Anyway,bytheendofmytimethere,IwasbarelysleepingandIstartedgettingtheseweirdpanicattackswhenIwasatwork.IwalkedinonemorningandjustknewIcouldn’tdoitanymore.SoIwenttomyboss’sofficeandresigned.Ididn’tevenhaveanotherjoblinedup.”
“Itsoundstomelikeyourjobwasdraininginalotofdifferentways.”
“Itwas.”Shesmiledgrimly,aspectrumofconflictingemotionsplayingacrossherface.
“And?”
“Andwhat?”
“Wanttotalkaboutit?”
“Talkaboutwhat?”
“Therealreasonyouquit?Thepartthatledtoyouhavingpanicattacks?”
Startled,sheturnedtowardhim.“Howwouldyouknowaboutthat?”
“Idon’t,”hesaid.“Butifyou’dbeenthereforawhile,somethingspecificmusthavehappened.Somethingbad.AndI’mguessingitconcernedacase,right?”
Shestoppedwalking,turningtofacethewater.Themoonlitshadowsaccentuatedherexpression—amixtureofsadnessandguiltthatbroughtwithitafleetingachehehadn’texpected.
“You’reveryintuitive.”Sheclosedhereyes,holdingthemthatwayforamoment.“Ican’tbelieveI’mabouttotellyouthis.”
Colinsaidnothing.Bythen,they’dalmostreachedthespotwherethey’denteredthebeach,acacophonyofmusicaudiblenowabovethesoundofthewaves.Shegesturedtowardthedune.“Doyoumindifwesit?”
“Notatall.”
Slippingoffherpurseandsettinghersandalsaside,sheloweredherselftothesand.Colinmadehimselfcomfortablebesideher.
“CassieManning,”Mariaoffered.“Thatwashername…Ihardlyevertalkabouther.It’snotsomethingthatIlikereliving.”Hervoicewastightandcontrolled.“ThecasecametomemaybethreeorfourmonthsafterI’dbegunworkingattheDA’soffice.Onpaper,itstruckmeasafairlytypicalcase.Cassieisdatingaguyandtheygetintoanargument,itescalates,andtheguyendsupgettingviolent.Cassieendsupinthehospitalwithablackeyeandasplitlip,bruising,acrackedcheekbone.Inotherwords,itwasn’tjustonepunch;itwasabeating.HisnamewasGeraldLaws.”
“Laws?”
“I’vetriedtofindtheirony,butI’veneverfoundany.Andnothingaboutthecaseendedupbeingtypicalintheslightest.Itturnsoutthatthey’dbeendatingforsixmonthsorso,andinthebeginningoftherelationship,CassiefoundLawsutterlycharming.Helistenedwell,openeddoorsforher—agentleman—butafterawhile,shebegantonoticeaspectsofhispersonalitythatconcernedher.Thelongertheydated,themorejealousandpossessivehestartedtobecome.Cassietoldmethathebegantogetangryifshedidn’tanswerimmediatelywhenhecalledher;hestartedshowingupatherofficewhenshewasgettingoffwork—shewasanurseatapediatricoffice—andonce,whenshewashavinglunchwithherbrother,shespottedLawsontheothersideoftherestaurant,allbyhimself,justwatchingher.Sheknewthathe’dfollowedherthereanditbotheredher.
“Thenexttimehecalled,Cassietoldhimthatshewantedtotakeabreakforawhile.Heagreed,butsoonthereafter,sherealizedthathewasstalkingher.She’dseehimatthepostofficeorwhenshewasleavingthedoctor’sofficeorwhenshewasjogging,andshe’dgetthesecallswherenoonewouldtalkontheotherend.Then,onenight,Lawsshowedupatherdoorsayingthathewantedtoapologize,andagainstherbetterjudgment,shelethimin.Onceinside,hetriedtoconvincehertogooutwithhimagain.Whenshesaidno,hegrabbedherarmandshebegantofightback,andsheendeduphittinghimwithavase.Afterthat,hethrewhertothefloorandjust…wentatit.Ithappenedthattherewasapoliceofficerthenextstreetover,andafterthe911callcamein—theneighborshadheardscreaming—hewasatthehouseinminutes.Lawshadherpinnedtothefloorandwaspunchingherandtherewasbloodeverywhere.Itturnedoutlaterthatitwashisbloodfromacutoverhisearwhereshe’dhithimwiththevase.TheofficerhadtouseaTaseronhim.Whentheysearchedhiscar,theyfoundducttape,rope,acoupleofknives,andvideotapingequipment.Scarystuff.WhenItalkedtoCassie,shetoldmethattheguywascrazyandthatshewasafraidforherlife.Herfamilywas,too.HermomanddadandheryoungerbrotherwereadamantthatLawsbeputawayforaslongaspossible.”
Sheburrowedhertoesinthesand.“Ithoughtso,too.Inmymind,therewasnoquestionthattheguyneededtobeputaway.Itwasalsoprettyopen-and-shutasfarascasesgo.InNorthCarolina,LawscouldhavebeenchargedwitheitheraClassCfelony,whichmeanshehadtheintenttokillher,oraClassEfelony,wherehedidn’thavetheintenttokillher.Thefamily,especiallythefather,wantedhimtobechargedwithaClassCfelony,whichcouldhaveputhimbehindbarsforanywherebetweenthreeandsevenyears.Thearrestingofficer,too,believedthatLawswasdangerous.Butunfortunately,thedistrictattorneydidn’tthinkwecouldproveintent,sincetherewasnoproofthatanyofthethingsinthecarhadanythingtodowithher.Norwereherinjuriestrulylife-threatening.Cassiealsohadabitofacredibilityproblem…whilemostofwhatshe’dsaidLawshaddoneinthepastwastrue,shealsosaidhe’ddonethingsthatheclearlyhadn’t.ThentherewasLaws:HelookedlikeMisterRogers,workedasaloanofficeratabank,andhadnocriminalrecord.Hewouldhavebeenaprosecutor’snightmareonthestand.SoweendedupallowingLawstopleadguiltytomisdemeanorassault,withayearinprison,andthat’swhereIwentwrong.BecauseLawswasextremelydangerous.”
Shepaused,willingherselftokeeptellingthestory.“Lawsendedupservingninemonths,sincehe’dalreadyservedthreemonthspendingtrial.HewroteCassieletterseveryotherday,apologizingforhisactionsandbeggingforanotherchance.Sheneveransweredthem;afterawhile,shedidn’tevenopenthem,butshesavedthemallbecauseshewasstillafraidofhim.Afterwards,whenweexaminedthemmoreclosely,wenoticedtheshiftintoneovertime.Lawswasbecomingmoreandmoreangrythatshewouldn’trespond.HadsheactuallyreadthemandbroughtthemtotheDA…”
Shestaredtowardthesand.“Assoonashegotout,Lawsshowedupatherdoor.Sheslammedthedooronhimandcalledthepolice.Shehadarestrainingorderfiledagainsthim,andwhenthepolicetalkedtohim,hepromisedthathewouldn’tgoanywherenearheragain.Allthatdidwasmakehimmorecareful.Hesentherflowersanonymously.Hercatwaspoisoned.She’dfindbouquetsofdeadrosesonherdoorstep.Evenhertireswereslashed.”
Mariaswallowed,visiblyshaken.Whenshecontinued,hervoicewashoarse.“Andthen,onenight,whileCassiewasheadingtoherboyfriend’splace—bythen,shewasdatingsomeoneelse—Lawswaswaitingforher.HerboyfriendsawLawsgrabherrightoffthesidewalkandforceherintothecar,andhewasn’tabletostopit.Twodayslater,thepolicefoundCassie’sbodyinanoldlakefrontcabinthebankhadforeclosedon.Lawstiedherupandbeatherextensively,setthecabinonfire,andthenshothimself,buttheycouldn’ttellwhethershe’dbeenalivewhenthefire…”Sheclosedhereyes.“Theyhadtobeidentifiedthroughdentalrecords.”
Knowingthatshewasrelivingthepastandtryingtoworkthroughit,Colinremainedquiet.
“Iwenttoherfuneral,”shesaid,finallygoingon.“IknowIprobablyshouldn’thave,butIfeltlikeIneededtogo.Icameinafteritstartedandsatinthebackrow.Thechurchwasfull,butIcouldstillseethefamily.Themomcouldn’tstopcrying.Shewasalmosthysterical,andthefatherandthebrotherwerejust…white.IwassicktomystomachandIwantedthewholethingtobeover.Butitwasn’t.”
Sheturnedtowardhim.“It…destroyedthefamily.Imean,allofthemwerealittlestrange,butitturnedintoacatastrophe.Afewmonthsafterthemurder,Cassie’smomcommittedsuicide,thenthefatherhadhismedicallicensesuspended.Ialwaysthoughttherewassomethingalittleweirdaboutthebrother…anyway,that’swhentheseterriblenotesstartedtoarrive.Theycametomyapartmentandtheoffice,indifferentenvelopes,usuallyjustasentenceortwo.Theywereawful…callingmenames,demandingtoknowwhyIhatedCassieorwhyIwantedtohurtthefamily.Thepolicetalkedtothebrotherandthenotesstopped.Forawhile,anyway,butwhentheystartedarrivingagain,theywere…different.Morethreatening.Wayscarier.Sothepolicetalkedtohimagain,andIguesshejust…snapped.DeniedthathewasresponsibleandinsistedthatIwasouttogethim,thatthepolicewereincahootswithme.Heendedupinapsychiatrichospital.Meanwhile,thefather’sthreateningtosueme.ThepolicetheorizedthatCassie’sboyfriendmightberesponsibleforthenotes.Ofcourse,whenthepolicetalkedtohim,hedeniedsendingthem,too.That’swhenthepanicattacksstarted.Ihadthesensethatwhoeverwassendingthosenoteswouldneverleavemealoneandthat’swhenIknewIhadtogohome.”
Colinsaidnothing.Heknewtherewasnothinghecouldsaythatwouldmakeherviewtheeventsshehadjustdescribedinadifferentlight.
“Ishouldhavelistenedtothefamily.Andtheofficer.”
Colinstaredoutatthewaves,theirrhythmceaselessandsoothing.Whenhedidn’trespond,sheturnedtowardhim.
“Don’tyouthink?”
Hechosehiswordscarefully.“It’shardtoanswerthatquestion.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Bythewayyousaidit,it’sclearthatyoualreadythinktheanswerisyes,butifIagreewithyou,you’llprobablyfeelworse.IfIsayno,you’lldismissmyanswerbecauseyou’vealreadydecidedthattheanswershouldbeyes.”
Sheopenedhermouthtoprotest,thenclosedit.“I’mnotevensurewhattosaytothat,”sheoffered.
“Youdon’thavetosayanything.”
Shesighed,restingherchinonherknees.“IshouldhavelobbiedtheDAandinsistedthatwechargeLawswithafelony.”
“Maybe.Butevenifyouhad—andevenifLawswasinprisonlonger—theoutcomemightstillhavebeenthesame.Hewasfixatedonher.Andifyou’recurious,ifI’dbeeninyourshoes,Iprobablywouldhavedonethesamething.”
“Iknow,but…”
“Haveyoutalkedtoanyoneaboutthis?”
“Likeatherapist?No.”
Henodded.“Okay.”
“You’renotgoingtotellmethatIshould?”
“Idon’tgiveadvice,”hesaid.
“Ever?”
Heshookhishead.“Thenagain,youdon’tneedmyadvice.Ifyouthinktherapymighthelpyou,tryitout.Ifyoudon’tthinkso,don’t.Icanonlysaythatinmyownexperience,it’sbeenbeneficial.”
Mariawasquiet,andhecouldn’ttellwhethershelikedhisanswer.“Thanks,”shefinallysaid.
“Forwhat?”
“Forlistening,”shesaid.“Andnottryingtogiveadvice.”
Colinnodded,studyingthehorizon.Morestarswereevidentnow,andVenusglowedinthesouthernsky,brightandconstant.Ahandfulofpeoplehadwanderedtothebeach,theirlaughtercarryingintothenightair.SittingbesideMaria,itseemedlikehe’dknownherfarlongerthanthehourorsothey’dspenttogether.Hefeltadistinctstabofregretthattheeveningwasabouttoend.
Buthecouldsenseitcominginthewayshesuddenlysatstraighter.Hewatchedasshedrewalongbreathbeforefinallyglancingtowardtheboardwalk.
“Ishouldprobablygetgoing,”shesaid.
“Metoo,”heagreed,tryingtohidehisreluctance.“Istillhavetomakeittothegymtonight.”
Theyrosefromtheirspotandhewatchedasshebrushedoffthesandbeforeslippinghersandalsbackon.Theystartedbacktowardthedunesborderingthecommercialstrip,themusicgrowinglouderwitheverystep.Bythetimetheyleftthesandandwerebackonsolidground,thesidewalkswerethronged,thecrowdsalreadyenjoyingtheirSaturdaynight.
Hestayedatherside,weavingbetweenpedestriansuntiltheyreachedthestreet,wherethingswerequieter.Surprisinghim,shestayedclose,theirshouldersoccasionallybrushing.Thesensationofhertouchcontinuedtolinger.“Whatareyourplansfortomorrow?”hefinallyasked.
“OnSundays,Ialwayshavebrunchwithmyparents.Afterthat,I’llprobablygopaddleboarding.”
“Yeah?”
“It’sfun.Haveyoueverdoneit?”
“No,”hesaid.“I’vealwayswantedtotry,butIjusthaven’tgottenaroundtoityet.”
“Toobusydoingrealworkouts?”
“Toolazy,”headmitted.
Shesmiled.“Howaboutyou?Areyouworking?”
“No,”hesaid.“I’llrun,dosomeyardwork,changethealternatoronmycar.It’sstillnotstartingright.”
“Maybeit’sthebattery.”
“Don’tyouthinkIwouldhavecheckedthatfirst?”
“Idon’tknow.Wouldyou?”Heheardtheteasinginhertone.“Soafterthemanlyyardandcarwork,what’sontherestofyouragenda?”
“I’llhitthegym.There’saclassthatmeetsonSundaymornings,andI’llprobablydosomesparringandgroundwork,hitthebags,thingslikethat.AguynamedToddDalyrunsthegym,andhetendstoworkusprettyhard.He’saretiredUFCfighter,coacheslikeadrillsergeant.”
“Butifyouhadto,youcouldprobablytakehim,right?”
“Daly?Notachance.”
Shelikedthefactthatheadmittedit.“Andafterthat?”
“Nothing,really.I’llprobablydosomestudying.”
Bythen,they’dturnedontoanotherstreet,aroundthecornerfromCrabbyPete’s.Herecognizedhercarupaheadfromthenighthe’dchangedhertire,andwhentheyfinallyreachedit,neitherseemedtoknowwhattosay.Instead,hefelthereyeszeroinginonhim,almostlikeshewasreallyseeinghimforthefirsttime.
“Thanksforwalkingmetomycar.”
“Thanksforthewalkonthebeach.”
Sheliftedherchinslightly.“Ihaveanotherquestion.”
“Okay.”
“Wereyouseriousaboutwantingtotrypaddleboarding?”
“Yes.”
Sheloweredherlashes,slippinghimasidelongglance.“Wouldyouliketojoinmetomorrow?”
“Yes,”hesaid,feelingadartofunexpectedpleasure.“I’dlikethat.Whattime?”
“Howabouttwoo’clock?Andwe’llcheckoutMasonboroIsland?It’skindofhardtogetto,butit’sworthit.”
“Soundsgreat.Whereshouldwemeet?”
“Theparkingisn’tideal.TheonlywaytogetthereistoheaddownWrightsvilleBeach,righttotheveryendoftheisland.Justparkonthestreet.Bringsomequartersbecauseyou’llhavetofeedthemeter,butI’llmeetyouthere.”
“CanIrentaboardsomewhere?”
“Youdon’thaveto.Ihavetwoofthem.Youcanusemybeginnerboard.”
“Great.”
“It’shotpink,though.Withstickersofbunniesandflowersonit.”
“Really?”
Shegiggled.“Iwaskidding.”Then:“Ihadastrangelygoodtimetonight.”
“Metoo,”hesaid,meaningit.“AndI’mlookingforwardtotomorrow.”
Aftersheunlockedthecar,heopenedthedoor,watchingassheslidin.Amomentlater,shewasbackingoutandthenpullingawayasColinstoodinplace.Itmighthaveendedthere,butshesuddenlystoppedthecarandrolleddownthewindow,leaningout.
“Hey,Colin?”shecalledout.
“Yeah?”
“Whenyou’reinyoursparringclasstomorrowmorning?Trynottogethitintheface.”
Hesmiled,watchingashercarsaileduptheboulevard,wonderingwhathewasgettinghimselfinto.Hehadn’texpectedherinvitation,andashemadehiswaybacktohisCamaro,hereplayedtheevening,tryingtofigureitout.Whateverherreason,hecouldn’tdenythefactthathe’dbeenpleased.
Hewantedtoseeheragain.
Noquestionaboutit.CHAPTER6
Maria
Iknewyou’dlikehim!”Serenacrowed.“WasIrightorwhat?”
ItwasSundaymorning,andasusual,Mariawaswithhersisteronthebackporchwhiletheirmomwasfinishingupbreakfast.TheirfatherwaswalkingCopo,whowasfluffedandclean,withapinkbownearherear.
“Ididn’tsayIlikedhim,”Mariaanswered.“Isaidhewasinteresting.”
“Butyoualsosaidyou’remeetinghimtoday.Inyourbikini.”
“I’mnotgoingtobewearingmybikiniwhileI’mpaddleboarding.”
“Whynot?”
“BecauseI’mnotyou,okay?Itwouldmakemeuncomfortable.”
“Well,youbettershowsomeskin,becausebelieveme,you’regoingtowanthimtotakehisshirtoff.Thewholesneaking-a-peekthingneedstoworkbothways.”
“Idon’twanthimtogetthewrongidea.”
“You’reright.Youshouldprobablywearsomebaggysweatsorsomethinglikethat.Andnomatterhowyou’redressed,I’mjustgladyou’refinallygoingonadate.”
“Don’ttrytomakethisintosomethingthatitisn’t.It’snotadate.We’rejustgoingpaddleboarding.”
“Uh-huh.”Serenanodded.“Whateveryousay.”
“Idon’tknowwhyIeventrytotalktoyouaboutthesethings.”
“YoutalktomebecauseyouknowI’lltellyouthetruth.Whichiswhy,ofcourse,thetwoofyouhititoffsowell.BecauseColinisjustlikeme.”
“Yes,ofcourse.You’reright.I’messentiallygoingoutwithmyyoungersister.”
“Don’tblameme.I’mnottheonewhofollowedhimouttothepier.”
“Ididn’tfollowhimouttothepier!”
Serenagiggled.“You’resotouchythesedays.Butifyouwantmyadvice,I’dwearabikiniunderthebaggysweats,okay?Justincaseitgetstoohotoutthere.Becauseit’sgoingtobewarmtoday.”
“Canwetalkaboutyouinstead?Likehowtherestofyoureveningwent?”
“There’snotmuchtotell.Wehitthebars,wenttoaparty.JustatypicalSaturdaynight.”
“How’sitgoingwithSteve?”
“He’salittleclingy,andI’mnotsureI’mreadyforsomethinglikethat.ButbacktoColinagain.He’sseriouslyhot.”
“Yes,Inoticed.”
“Didhetrytokissyougood-bye?”
“No.AndIdidn’twanthimto.”
“That’sgood,”shesaid,“keepplayinghardtoget.Guyslikethat.”MariamadeafaceandSerenagiggledagain.“Okay,okay,I’llstop.Ithinkit’sgreat,though.Younotonlyhaveadate—arealdate,nomatterhowyoudescribeit—butyou’retheonewhoaskedhim.You’retheepitomeofthemodernwoman.Andjustsoyouknow,I’mtotallyjealousthatyou’regoingtogettoseehimwithhisshirtoff.Idon’tthinkhehasanounceoffatonhim.”
“Ireallycouldn’ttellyou.Itwaskindofdarkandhewaswalkingbesideme.”
“Iwantpicturestoday.Youalwaysbringthatcamerawithyouanyway.Justsneakafewofhim.”
“No.”
“Iwouldthinkthatyoucoulddoatleastthisonelittlethingforyourbabysister,whoalsohappenstobetheonetosetyouupwithhim.”
Shethoughtaboutit.“Okay,maybe.”
“Awesome.Orbetteryet,takesomewithyourphoneandsendthemtomeandI’llputthemonInstagram.”
“Notachance.”
“Areyousure?I’dhatetohavetotellDadyou’regoingoutwithanex-conwho’scurrentlyonprobation.”
“Don’tyoudare!”
“Iwaskidding!Idon’tevenwanttobeinthesamestatewhenyoudropthatlittlebombshell.Sowarnmeinadvance,okay?”
“Willdo.”
“Still,youshouldgetaselfiewithhimattheveryleast.Beforetheannouncement.Thatway,you’llknowyouactuallywentoutwithhim,sinceit’llneverhappenagainafterthat.”
“Areyoudone?”
Serenagiggled.“Yes.NowI’mdone.”
Marianoticedahummingbirdsippingfromthefeederhermotherhadhung,hoveringinawaythathadmesmerizedhersinceshewasayounggirl.Frominside,shecouldhearhermotherquietlysingingtoherself,andwhilethearomaofeggsandrefriedbeansshouldhavebeenmakingherhungry,shewasalreadyalittlenervousabouttheupcomingafternoon.Shewonderedhowmuchshe’dactuallybeabletoeat.
“I’mstillkindofsurprisedatthewayhejust…toldyoueverything,”Serenafinallyoffered.
“Hadyoubeenthere,youwouldhavebeeninshock.Trustme.”
“It’sweird,though.Idon’tthinkI’veevermetanyonelikethatbefore.”
“You’retellingme.”
Twohourslater,Mariawasathome,debatingwhattowear.Serena’sadvicesoundedinherear,makingthedecisionalotmoredifficultthanitshouldhavebeen.Normallyshewouldn’tthinktwiceaboutit;she’dwearshortsandeitherahalterorabikinitop,andshecertainlywouldn’thaveshoweredbeforehandorputonmakeuporfelttheclawingpangsofnervousnessinherbelly,buttheretheywere.Standinginfrontofherchestofdrawers,shedebatedwhatkindofimpressionshewantedtomake.Bold?Casual?Sexy?
Itwasawholeloteasierformen,shedecided:ThrowonaT-shirt,flip-flops,andshortsandheadoutthedoor.Meanwhile,shehadtodebatethelengthofhershorts,anddecidehowtightorfadedshewantedthemtobe,orwhethersheshouldweartheoneswiththesexytearsbelowthebackpocketsorgoabitmoreconservative.Andthatwasjustthebottoms;tryingtodecideonhertopwasevenmoredifficult,especiallysinceshehadn’tdecidedwhethertowearthebikinioraone-pieceunderneath.Despitewhatshe’dsaidtoSerena,itwasadate,andasidefromthefiascolastweekendwithJillandPaul,shehadn’tbeenonalotofdatesrecently.AddinthefactthatherthoughtshadbeendriftingtoColinallmorningandlastnight,andthewholethingleftherfeelingmorejitterythanever.
Whatdidshewantwithhim,anyway?Colinwasthekindofguysheusedtoprosecute.Untilyesterday,hadanyoneevensuggestedthatshegooutwithaguywithhispast,shewouldhavelaughedaloudor—morelikely—beenoffended.Sheshouldhavesimplysaidgood-byeafterhe’dwalkedhertohercarlastnight.Theveryideaofthetwoofthemgoingouttodaywasabsurd,andyet…shehadaskedhim,andshehadtroublerememberingexactlyhowthathadhappenedorwhatshe’dbeenthinking.
Andyet,Colinwas…magnetic.Itwasthewordthathadpoppedintoherheadwhileshewastakingashower,andthemoreshe’dthoughtaboutit,themoreaptthedescriptionseemed.Whilehisanswershadleftherspinningattimes,shehadtoadmitthathishere’stherealmeandyoucaneitheracceptmeornotshtickwasrefreshing.Morethanthat,shesensedthathisregrethadbeenreal,underscoringhowmuchhereallyhadchanged.Shewasn’tna?veenoughtoignorethepossibilitythathemayhavebeentryingtoplayonhersympathies,butitwasimpossibletoreconcilethatnotionwiththeguywho’dchangedhertire,orwalkedthebeachwithher,orattendedclasseswithhersisterinthehopesofbecomingateacher.Hecertainlyhadn’ttriedtohitonher,andhadshenotaskedhimtogopaddleboarding,shehadnodoubthewouldhaveleftherathercarwithoutfurtherado.
Shehadtoadmitthatsheappreciatedthefactthathehadbeensoopenandhonestabouthispast.Ifhe’dwaiteduntiltodaytorevealthosesurprises,shewouldhavefeltmanipulatedandangry,maybeevenfrightened.Thechemistryshe’dinitiallyfeltwithhimwouldhavebeendousedalmostinstantly,leavingherwonderingwhatelsehe’dbeenlyingabout.Noonelikesabaitandswitch.
Truthfully,shedidn’tknowalotofpeoplewho’dturnedtheirlivesinanentirelynewdirection,likeColinhad.Andthoughshehadnoideawheretodaymightlead—orevenwhetheritwasabeginningofsorts—shefinallythought,Oh,whatthehell?andputonherblackbikini,thenchosethesexytightjeanshortswiththetearsbelowthepockets.Last,shepulledonaformfittingshirtwithaplungingneckline.Serena,afterall,hadbeenrightaboutsomethingelse.IfColintookoffhisshirt—andthat,shehadtoadmit,wouldn’tbotherherintheslightest—thenattheveryleast,sheshouldhavetheoptionofdoingthesame.
Colinwasleaningagainstthesideofhiscarasshepulledinbehindhim,andwhenhewaved,allshecoulddowasstare.HeworeagrayT-shirtthatclungfromhissculptedshouldersallthewaydowntohisnarrowwaist.Thesleevescouldbarelycontainhiswell-definedarms,andevenfromadistance,thedeepblue-graycolorofhiseyeswasvisible,setoffbyhissharpcheekbones.Asimprobableasitseemed,herfirstthoughtwasthathewasgettingmorehandsomebytheday.Whenhepushedawayfromthecarandsmiled,shefeltsomethingjumpinsideherwhilealittlevoicewhispered,IfI’mnotcareful,Icouldgetinserioustroublewiththisguy.
Forcingthethoughtaway,shewavedfrominsidethecar,thentookadeepbreathassheshuttheenginedown.Whensheopenedthedoor,theheatassailedheralmostimmediately.Thankfully,thehumiditywasminimalandaslightbreezestirredtheair,makingitabitmorebearable.
“Heythere,”shecalledout.“You’rerightontime.”
Shesawthathehadbroughtabackpack,asmallcooler,andapairoftowels.Heleanedover,pickingupthebackpackandflingingitoverhisshoulder.“Igothereearly,”hesaid.“Iwasn’tsurethatIwasparkingintherightplace.Therearen’tanyothercarsaround.”
“It’salwaysquieteronthetipoftheisland,”shesaid.“Peopledon’tliketofeedthemeters,whichisgood,sinceitmeanswedon’thavesofartowalk.”Sheshadedhereyes.“Howdidsparringgo?”
“Itwasalittlemoreintensethanusual,butnobruisingorbrokennoses.”
“Icantell,”shesaidwithasmile.“Howabouttheotherguys?Youdidn’thurtthem,didyou?”
“They’refine.”Hesquintedintotheglare.“Yourturn.Howwasbrunchwithyourfamily?”
“Nobrokennosesorbruising,either,”sheteased,andwhensheheardhimlaugh,shetuckedastrandofhairbehindherear,remindingherselfnottogettoocarriedaway.“Onamoreseriousnote,though,IshouldprobablywarnyouthatItoldSerenaweweregoingoutonthewatertoday.Incaseshehuntsyoudownafterclassandasksyouforlotsofpersonaldetails.”
“Willshedothat?”
Forsure,Mariathought.“Probably.”
“Whydoesn’tsheaskyou?”
“I’msureshe’llbecallingmelater.Sheconsidersitherdutytobeheavilyinvolvedinmypersonallife.”
“Okay.”Hegrinned.“Youlookbeautiful,bytheway.”
Shefeltaflashofheatinhercheeks.“Thankyou,”shesaid.Then,tryingtokeepthingslight,sheadded,“Youreadyfortoday?”
“Ican’twait.”
“We’reluckythereisn’talotofwind.Thewatershouldbeperfect.”
Shebegantounhookoneofthestrapsthatheldthepaddleboardsinplaceontheroofrack.Notingwhatshewasdoing,hesteppedclosetohelpherunhooktheotherstraps.Themusclesinhisforearmsmovedlikepianostrings,makinghistattoorippleasthetwoofthemworkedsidebyside.Hesmelledlikesaltandwind,cleanandfresh.Heliftedthetopboardoff,leaningitagainstthecarbeforedoingthesamewiththeother,proppingthetwoagainsteachother.
“How’syourbalanceontheboard?”heasked.
“Prettygood.Why?”
“BecauseIpackedasmallcooler,”hesaid,gesturingatitbehindhim.“Iwaswonderingifyou’dbeabletoputitonyourboard.I’mnotsuremybalancewillbegoodenoughatfirst.”
“It’snotthathard,”shesaid.“You’llgetthehangofit.Buttoansweryourquestion,yes,Icanputthecooleronmyboard,andactually,that’sperfect,sinceitwillgivemeaplacetoputthetowels.Ihatewettowels.”
Openingherdoor,shereachedforbothhercameraandthecarrierstrapsfortheboards,consciouslytryingnottostareathim.Shelaidoutthecarrierstraps,thenhookedthemtotheboards,knowingColinwaswatchingherandlikingthewayitmadeherfeel.Whenshewasfinished,hegrabbedhisbackpackandbothboards.Mariapickedupthetowelsandcoolerastheystartedtowardthepoint.“What’sinthecooler,bytheway?”sheasked.
“Snacks,basically.Fruit,somenuts,acouplebottlesofwater.”
“Healthy,”shecommented.
“I’mprettystrictaboutwhatIeat.”
“Andthebackpack?”
“AFrisbee,aHackySack,andsunscreen.Ifwehitthebeachorwhatever.”
“I’mnotverygoodatFrisbee.Andjustsoyouknow,I’venevertouchedaHackySackinmylife.”
“Thenwe’llbothbetryingsomethingnewtoday.”
Onthebeach,thesandglowedalmostwhiteinthesunlight.Asidefromamantossingaballtohisgoldenretrieverinthewaves,thebeachatthisendoftheislandwasdeserted.Mariaraisedthecoolerinthedirectionoftheinlet.“That’sMasonboroIsland,”shesaid.
“Untilyoumentioneditlastnight,I’dneverheardofit.”
“It’srustic.Therearenoroadsorpicnicareas.Inthesummers,alotofboatersgothere,butlately,I’vehadtheplacetomyself.It’squietandbeautiful,andit’sagreatwaytokickoffmyweek,especiallyonelikethisone.Mypartnerhasatriallaterthisweek,andI’llprobablybeworkinglateeverynighttomakesurehehaseverythingheneeds.I’llheadinearlierthanusual,too.”
“That’salotofhours.”
“Gottagetahead,youknow,”shecracked.
“Why?”
“IfIdon’tdomyjob,I’llgetfired.”
“Iwasn’taskingaboutdoingyourjobwell.Iunderstandthat.Iwasjustwonderingwhyit’simportanttoyoutogetahead.”
Mariafrowned,realizingthathewasthefirstpersonwho’deveraskedherthequestionandshewasataloss.“Idon’tknow,”shefinallyanswered.“IguessI’mjustwiredthatway.Eitherthat,oritwasallmyparents’fault.Isn’tthatwhatpeoplesayintherapy?”
“Sometimes.Andsometimesit’seventrue.”
“Don’tyouwanttogetahead?”
“I’mnotsurewhatgettingaheadevenmeans,”hesaid.“Biggerhouse?Bettercars?Moreexoticvacations?Myparentshaveallthosethings,butIdon’tgetthesensethateitherofthemisreallyhappy.There’salwayssomethingmoreoutthere,butwheredoesitend?Idon’twanttolivelikethat.”
“Howdoyouwanttolive?”
“Iwantbalance.WorkisimportantbecauseIhavetosupportmyself,butsoarefriends,health,rest.HavingthetimetodothingsthatIenjoy,andsometimesdoingnothingatall.”
Thecoolerthumpedgentlyagainstherleg.“That’svery…sensible.”
“Okay.”
Shesmiled.Icouldhavepredictedhewasgoingtosaythat.“You’reright,ofcourse.Balanceisimportant,butI’vealwayslikedthefeelingofsucceedingatsomethingdifficult,whetheritwasgradeswhenIwasalittlegirlorawell-writtenbriefnow.SettinggoalsandthenreachingthemmakesmefeellikeI’mnotjustgoingthroughthemotionsoflife.Andintheend,ifIdoitwellenough,otherpeoplenotice,andIgetrewarded.Ilikethat,too.”
“Thatmakessense.”
“Butnotforyou?”
“We’redifferent.”
“Don’tyousetgoals,too?Likefinishingcollegeorwinningafight?”
“Yes.”
“Thenhowarewedifferent?”
“BecauseIdon’tcareaboutgettingahead.AndIgenerallydon’tgivealotofthoughttothewayotherpeopledefineit.”
“AndyouthinkIdo?”
“Yes.”
“Caretoelaborate?”
Hetookacoupleofstepsbeforeanswering.“Ithinkyoucaredeeplyaboutthewayyoucomeacrosstootherpeople,buttome,that’samistake.Intheend,theonlyoneyoucaneverreallypleaseisyourself.Howothersfeelisuptothem.”
Shepressedherlipstogether,knowinghewasrightbutstillalittletakenabackthathe’dsimply…sayit.Thenagain,hewasforthrightabouteverythingelse,sowhyshouldshebesurprised?
“Didyoulearnthatintherapy?”
“Yes.Butittookalongtimetoembraceit.”
“MaybeIshouldtalktoyourtherapist.”
“Maybe,”heagreed,andshelaughed.
“Well,justsoyouknow,it’snotallme.ThefactthatIneedsomuchexternalvalidationismyparents’fault.”
Whenhearchedaskepticaleyebrow,shenudgedhisshoulderplayfully,thegesturestrangelynatural.“I’mbeingseriousaboutthis.Imighthavebeenbornwithdriveorambitionorwhateveryouwanttocallit,buttheydefinitelynurturedit.Neitheroneofmyparentswenttoschoolpasttheeighthgrade,andtheyhadtosacrificeforyearsbeforetheycouldstarttherestaurant.Theyhadtolearnanewlanguageandaccountingandathousandotherthingsfromscratchwhentheywereadults,sotothem,agoodeducationwaseverything.IgrewupspeakingSpanishathome,sorightfromthestart,IhadtoworkharderthantheotherkidsbecauseIdidn’tunderstandanythingtheteacherwassaying.Eventhoughmyparentswerebothworkingfifteen-hourdays,theynevermissedameetingwithmyteachers,andtheymadesureIalwaysdidmyhomework.WhenIstartedtobringhomegoodgrades,theywerejustsoproud.They’dinvitemyauntsandunclesandcousinsoverontheweekend—I’vegotatonofrelativesintown—andthey’dpassaroundmyreportcard,goingonandonaboutwhatagoodstudentIwas.IwasthecenterofattentionandIlikedthewayitmademefeel,soIbegantoworkevenharder.I’dsitinthefrontrowandraisemyhandwhenevertheteacheraskedaquestion,andI’dstayupuntilthemiddleofthenightstudyingfortests.Asaresult,Iwasprettymuchatotalnerdallthewaythroughhighschool.”
“Yeah?”Heworethatamusedexpressionagain.
“Uh…yeah,”shesaidsheepishly.“IgotglasseswhenIwaseight,thesebrown-rimmedmonstrosities,andIhadbracesforthreeyears.IwasshyandgawkyandIactuallylikedtostudy.Ididn’tgotoapromuntilIwasasenior,andeventhen,Iwentwithagroupofothergirlswhodidn’thavedates,either.IneverkissedaboyuntilthemonthbeforeIstartedcollege.Trustme,Iknowwhatanerdis,andIwasoneofthem.”
“Andnow?”
“I’mstillkindofanerd.Iworktoomuch,Idon’tvisitmyfriendsasoftenasIshould,andIdon’treallydoanythingontheweekendsexceptpaddleboardandspendtimewithmyfamily.OnFridaynights,youcanusuallyfindmereadinginbed.”
“Thatdoesn’tmakeyouanerd.Idon’tgooutmuchanymore,either.IfI’mnotworkingoutorcompeting,I’musuallylisteningtosometunesorstudyingorhangingwithEvanandLilyatthehouse.”
“Lily?”
“Evan’sfiancée.”
“What’sshelike?”
“Blond.Aboutthesamesizeasyou.Terrificpersonality.Andvery,verySouthern.She’sfromCharleston.”
“HowaboutEvan?Isheanythinglikeyou?”
“He’smorelikeyou,actually.He’sgothisacttogether.”
“YouthinkIhavemyacttogether?”
“Yes.”
“Thenwhydoesn’titfeelthatway?”
“Ihavenoidea,”heanswered.“ButIthinkmostpeoplewouldsaythesamethingaboutyouasIdid.”
Shesquintedoverathim,likingwhathe’dsaid.Bythen,theyhadreachedtheshoreline,andsheslippedoffhersandals,focusingonthewater.“Okay,thisisgood,”shedeclared.“Thetide’sgoingin,whichmakesiteasier.Ifitweregoingout,we’dhavetolaunchfromdownthere,”shesaid,pointingoverhisshoulder.“Youready?”
“Almost,”hesaid.Heputtheboardsdownandshruggedoffthebackpack,storinghisflip-flopsandremovingabottleofsunscreen.Hepulledoffhisshirt,tuckingitawayinthebackpackaswell,andherfirstthoughtwasthathelookedalmostsculpted.Hischestandstomachwerealandscapeofcontoursandridges,everymusclesharplydefined.Onhischest,acolorfuldragontattoowounditswayoveroneshoulder,intertwiningartfullywithaChinesecharacter.Hestaredtowardthewaterashebegantoapplythelotion.“It’sgorgeousouthere,”heobserved.
“Iagree,”shesaid,tryingnottoogle.
Hesqueezedsomemoresunscreenintohishandbeforeofferingherthebottle.“Doyouwantsome?”
“Maybelater.Iputsomeonearlier,butIdon’tgenerallyburn.Latinskin,youknow.”
Henodded,slatheringsomeonthefrontsofhislegsandthenturningaround.“Wouldyoumindputtingsomeonmyback?”
Shenodded,hermouthgoingslightlydry.“Sure.”
Theirfingersbrushedasshetookthelotion.Shesqueezedadabintoherhandsandslowlyranherhandsoverhisback,feelingtheinterplayofmusclesandskin,tryingtoignorethestrangeintimacyofwhatshewasdoing.Serenawasgoingtolovehearingaboutthis.
“Willweseeanydolphinsorporpoises?”heasked,seeminglyoblivioustoherthoughts.
Runningherhandsoverthecordsinhisback,ittookheramomenttoanswer.“Idoubtit.Atthistimeofday,they’reusuallyontheoceanside.”Then,feelingapangofdisappointment,shefinishedandclosedthecap.“Allright,you’redone.”
“Thanks,”hesaid,puttingthesunscreenaway.“What’snext?”
“We’realmostready.”SheunhookedthecarrierstrapsandhandedthemtoColintostoreinhisbackpackasshegrabbedthesmallerofthetwoboards.“Canyoufollowmeoutwiththecoolerandtowels?I’llshowyouhowtogetup.”
Shewadedintotheoceanwithherboard,andwhenshewasabitmorethanknee-deep,shelaydownonit,pullingherselfalongitslengthuntilshewascentered.Shesettheoarperpendiculartotheboard,thenhelditfastasshefirstwenttoherknees,andthenfinallystood.“Ta-da…Andthat’sallthereistoit.Thekeyistofindyoursweetspot,whereneitherthenosenorthetailisunderwater.Andthen,keepyourkneesbent—it’llhelpkeepyouupright.”
“Gotit.”
“Youcanputthecoolerbehindme,andthenstackthetowelson.Andwouldyouhandmemycamera?”
Hewadedintothewater,followingherinstructions.Shedrapedthecamerastraparoundherneckasheretrievedhisownboardandrepeatedhermovements.Whenhewasstanding,heshiftedhisweight,theboardwobblingslightly.
“It’smorestablethanIthoughtitwouldbe,”heremarked.
“Nowwhenyouturn,youcaneitherpaddleforwardforawide,slowturn,oryoucanpaddlebackwardforatighterturn.”Shedemonstratedthefirst,thenthesecond,rotatinginplace,movingabitfartherfromshoreintheprocess.“Youready?”
“Let’sgo,”hesaid.Withinafewstrokeshe’dcaughtuptoher,andtheybegantopaddlesidebysideuntiltheyreachedthefertile,stillwatersofthemarsh.Abovethem,theblueskywaslimnedwiththincirrusclouds.Discreetly,shewatchedColintakingineverything,hisgazelingeringonthebrownpelicansandthesnowyegrets,oranospreythatpassedoverhead.Hedidn’tseemtofeeltheneedtobreakthesilence,andshethoughtagainthatshe’dnevermetanyonelikehim.
Asherthoughtscontinuedtodrift,sheturnedherattentiontotheisland,notingthegnarledremnantsoftreestumps,grayandsalt-coated,theirrootstwistinglikefrayedyarnonalooselytwinedball.Curvingpathwayscutthroughthesaw-grass-speckleddunes,shortcutstotheoceansideoftheisland,anddriftwood,stainedblackfromthemarsh,collectedatthewater’sedge.
“You’rethinkingaboutsomething,”sheheardhimsay.Withouthernoticingit,Colinhadmovedhisboardclosertohers.
“JusthowmuchIlovebeingouthere.”
“Doyoucomeouteveryweekend?”
“Mostweekends,”shesaid,keepingherstrokessteady.“Unlessit’srainingorthewindisgusting.Strongwindsmakeitfeellikeyou’renotgettinganywhere,andthewatercangetkindofchoppy.ImadethatmistakeoncewhenIbroughtSerenaouthere.Shelastedabouttwentyminutesbeforesheinsistedonheadingback,andshehasn’tcomeouteversince.Whenitcomestotheocean,she’smoreofthelay-out-in-the-sunorrelax-in-the-back-of-the-boattypeofgirl.Eventhoughwe’reclose,we’renotthatmuchalike.”
Thecuriosityinthewayhewatchedandlistenedurgedheron,andMariadrewherpaddlethroughthewater.“SerenahasalwaysbeenmoreoutgoingandpopularthanIeverwas.She’shadoneboyfriendafterthenextandhasazillionfriends.Herphoneneverstopsringing,peoplealwayswanttospendtimewithher.Itwasn’tlikethatforme.Iwasalwaysquieter,shyerIguess,andIgrewupfeelinglikeIneverreallyfitin.”
“Youdon’tseemshytome.”
“No?”sheasked.“HowdoIseemtoyou?”
Hecockedhishead.“Thoughtful.Intelligent.Empathetic.Beautiful.”
Thecertaintywithwhichhespoke—likehe’dreviewedthelistbeforehand—madeherfeelsuddenlyself-conscious.“Thankyou,”shemurmured.“Thatwas…sweet.”
“I’msureyou’vehearditbefore.”
“Notreally.”
“Thenyou’rehangingoutwiththewrongpeople.”
Sheadjustedherfeetontheboard,tryingtomaskhowflatteredandflusteredshefelt.“Sonogirlfriendforyou?”
“No,”heanswered.“Iwasn’treallyboyfriendmaterialforawhilethere,andlatelyI’vebeenprettybusy.You?”
“Stillsingle,”shesaid.“IhadaseriousboyfriendwhenIwasincollege,butitdidn’tworkout.AndlatelyI’vehadatendencytoattractthewrongkindofmen.”
“Likeme?”
Shegaveasheepishgrin.“Iwasn’tthinkingofyouwhenIsaidthat.Iwasthinkingaboutthemanagingpartneratmyfirm.Whohappenstobemarriedandhasafamily.He’sbeenhittingonmeandit’sbeenmakingworkprettystressful.”
“Icanimagine.”
“Butyoudon’thaveanyadviceforme,right?Sinceyoudon’tgiveadvice?”
“No.”
“Youdorealizethathavingaconversationwithyoutakessomegettingusedto,right?Serena,forinstance,alwayshasloadsofadvice.”
“Isithelpful?”
“Notreally.”
Hisexpressionsaidshe’djustprovedhispoint.“Whathappenedwithyourboyfriend?”
“There’snotmuchtosay.We’dbeengoingoutforacoupleofyearsanditfelttomelikeweweremovingtowardsomethingmoreserious.”
“Marriage?”
Shenodded.“Ithoughtso.Butthen,hedecidedthatIwasn’twhathewanted.Hewantedsomeoneelse.”
“Thathadtoberough.”
“Atthetime,itwasdevastating,”sheagreed.
“Andnoboyfriendssincethen?”
“Notreally.I’vedatedafewguys,butnothingeverreallymaterialized.”Shepaused,remembering.“I’dgodancingwithmygirlfriendsatthissalsaclubinCharlotte,butmostoftheguysIendedupmeetingwantedonlyonething.Tome,sleepingwithsomeoneisanoutgrowthofacommitment,andalotofguysjustwantaflingorwhatever.”
“That’stheirproblem.”
“Iknow.But…”Shetriedtothinkofthebestwaytophraseit.“It’shardsometimes.Maybeit’sbecausemyparentsaresohappyandmakeitseemsoeasy,butI’vealwaysassumedthatI’dbeabletofindtheperfectguywithouthavingtosettle.Andgrowingup,Ihadalltheseplans…Ijustknewthatbynow,atmyage,I’dbemarriedandwe’dliveinarestoredVictorianandwe’dbetalkingaboutkids.ButthosethingsseemfurtherawaynowthantheydidwhenIwasalittlegirl.Theyseemfurtherawaythantheydidevenacoupleofyearsago.”
Whenhedidn’trespond,sheshookherhead.“Ican’tbelieveI’mtellingyouallthis.”
“I’minterested.”
“Sureyouare,”shesaid,dismissinghiscomment.“Itsoundsboring,eventome.”
“It’snotboring,”hecountered.“It’syourstoryandIlikehearingit.”Heletthatsitbeforeabruptlychangingthesubject.“Salsadancing,huh?”
“That’swhatyouheard?IneverythingIsaid?”Whenheshrugged,shewenton,wonderingwhyitseemedsoeasytotalktohim.“Iusedtogoalmosteveryweekend.”
“Butyoudon’tgoanymore?”
“NotsinceI’vemovedback.Theydon’thaveanyclubshere.Notofficially,anyway.SerenatriedtodragmetothisoneplaceandIthoughtaboutit,butIbeggedoffatthelastminute.”
“Itsoundslikeitmighthavebeenfun.”
“Maybe.Butit’snotevenarealclub.It’sinthisabandonedwarehouse,andI’mprettysurethewholesetupisillegal.”
“Sometimesthosearethebestplacestogo.”
“Iassumeyou’respeakingfromexperience?”
“Yes.”
Shesmiled.“Doyouknowanythingaboutsalsadancing?”
“Isitlikethetango?”
“Notreally.Thetangoiskindoflikeballroomdancing,whereyoumovearoundtheroom.Salsadancingismoreofapartydancewithlotsofspinningandchanginghands,andyoustayinoneplaceonthefloor.It’sagreatwaytospendacoupleofhourswithfriends,especiallyifyourpartnerisgood.ItwastheonlytimeIfeltlikeIcouldreallyletgoandbemyself.”
“Aren’tyoubeingyourselfrightnow?”
“Ofcourse,”sheanswered.“Butthisisdefinitelythequieterversionofme,themoretypicalone.”Sheraisedtheoaroverheadtostretchforamoment,thendippedthetipintothewateragain.“Ihaveaquestion,”shesaid.“AndI’vebeenwonderingaboutitsinceyoumentionedit.”Whenheturnedtowardher,shewenton.“Whydoyouwanttoteachthethirdgrade?I’dthinkthatmostguyswouldwanttoteachatthehighschoollevel.”
Hepulledhisoarthroughthewater.
“Becauseatthatage,kidsareoldenoughtounderstandmosteverythinganadulttellsthem,butstillyoungenoughtobelievethatadultstellthetruth.It’salsotheyearwhenbehaviorproblemsbegintoreallymanifest.Takentogetherwithallthetestingthestaterequires,thirdgradeisjustacriticalyear.”
Theyglidedonwateralmostasstillasglass.“And?”sheasked.
“Andwhat?”
“Yousaidthesamethingtomelastnight.WhenyouthoughtIwasn’ttellingyouthewholestory.SoI’llaskyouagain—what’stherealreasonyouwanttoteachthethirdgrade?”
“Becauseitwasmylastgoodyearinschool,”hesaid.“Untilacoupleofyearsago,infact,itwasmylastgoodyear,period.AnditwasallbecauseofMr.Morris.Hewasaretiredarmyofficerwhogotintoteachinglaterinlife,andheknewexactlywhatIneeded.NotthemindlessdisciplineIhadlaterinmilitaryschool,butaspecificplanjustforme.Hedidn’ttakeanycrapinclassfromtheverybeginning,andassoonasIbeganactingup,hetoldmethatI’dhavetostayafterschool.IthoughtI’djustsitintheclassroomwithabookorhe’dhavemecleanuporwhatever,butinsteadhehadmerunlapsaroundthelowerschoolanddopush-upseverytimeIpassedhim.Andthewholetime,hekepttellingmethatIwasdoinggreat,thatIwasreallyfastorstrongorwhatever,soitdidn’tfeellikepunishment.Hedidthesamethingatrecessthenextday,andthenheaskedifIcouldstartshowingupearlyeverydaybecauseitwasclearthatIhadagiftforrunning.ThatIwasstrongerthantheotherkids.Betterthantheotherkids.Lookingback,IknowhewasdoingitbecauseofmyADHDandotheremotionalcrap,andthatallhereallywantedtodowasburnoffmyexcessenergysothatIcouldsitstillinclass.”
Hisvoicegrewsofterashewenton.“Butbackthen,itwasthefirsttimeIcouldeverrememberbeingpraised,andafterthat,allIwantedtodowasmakehimevenmoreproudofme.Ibuckleddownandschoolstartedtogeteasierforme.Icaughtupinreadingandmath,andIwasbetterbehavedathome,too.FastforwardayeartoMrs.Crandall’sclass,andallthatwentrightoutthewindow.Shewasmeanandangryandshehatedboys,andIwentbacktobeingthetroubledkidIusedtobe.Afterthat,myparentsshippedmeoff,andyoualreadyknowtherestofthatstory.”
Heletoutalongbreathbeforefacingher.“That’swhyIwanttoteachthethirdgrade.Becausemaybe,justmaybe,I’llcomeacrossakidlikemeandI’llknowexactlywhattodo.Andinthelongrun,Iknowhowmuchthatsingleyearmightmeantothatkid.BecausewithoutMr.Morrissolongago,Iwouldneverhaveconsideredgoingbacktocollegenowandbecomingateacher.”
WhileColinspoke,Mariakepthergazefixedonhim.“IknowIshouldn’tbesurprised,consideringeverythingelseyou’vetoldme,”shesaid.“ButIam.”
“Because?”
“It’sinspiring.Whyyouwanttobecomeateacher,Imean.Idon’thaveanystorieslikethat.Halfthetime,I’mnotevensurewhyIbecamealawyerinthefirstplace.Itjustkindofhappened.”
“Howso?”
“WhenIfirstgottocollege,Iwasn’tsurewhatIwantedtodo.Ithoughtaboutbusinessschoolorgettingamaster’sandIevendebatedwhetherornottogotomedicalschool.Itwashardenoughjusttopickamajor,andeveninmyjunioryear,IstillhadnoideawhatIwantedtodowithmylife.Myroommate,ontheotherhand,wassetongoingtolawschool,andIsortofconvincedmyselfthattheideawasalotmoreglamorousthanitreallyis.ThenextthingIknew,Iwasapplyingtolawschool,andthreeyearslater,IhadajoblinedupwiththeDAandwasstudyingforthebar.Andnow,hereIam.Don’tgetmewrong—I’mgoodatwhatIdo,butsometimesit’shardformetoimaginethatI’llbedoingittherestofmylife.”
“Whosaysyouhaveto?”
“Ican’tjustthrowmyeducationaway.Orthepastfouryears.WhatwouldIdo?”
Hescratchedathisjaw.“Ithink,”hefinallysaid,“youcandowhateveryouwant.Intheend,wealllivethelifewechooseforourselves.”
“Whatdoyourparentsthinkaboutyoubeingbackinschool?”
“Ithinkthey’restillwonderingwhetherI’vereallychanged,orwhetherI’llreverttobeingtheguyIusedtobe.”
Shesmiled,likingthathesaidwhathethoughtwithoutworryingwhatshemightthink.
“Idon’tknowwhy,butit’shardformetoimaginetheotherColin,theoneyouusedtobe.”
“Youwouldn’thavelikedhimmuch.”
“Probablynot,”shesaid.“Andheprobablywouldn’thavestoppedtochangemytire,either.”
“Definitelynot,”heagreed.
“WhatelseshouldIknowaboutthenewColin?”sheasked,andherquestiongraduallygavewaytoameanderingconversationaboutgrowingupinRaleighandabitmoreabouthisfriendshipwithEvanandLily.Hetoldherabouthisparentsandhisoldersisters,andwhatithadbeenliketogrowupunderthecareofvariousnannies.Hetalkedabouttheearlyfightshe’dbeenin,theschoolshe’dattended,andofferedmoredetailsabouttheyearsfollowinghighschool,althoughheadmittedthatthey’dlargelyblurredtogether.HetalkedaboutMMA,andwhenpressed,herecountedafewofhisfights,includingthemostrecentonewiththemarine,whichhadlefthimbruisedandbloody.Whilemanyofthestorieshetoldherunderscoredtheroughedgesofhispast,theywereofapiecewithwhatshealreadyknew.
Astheytalked,thetidebegantorollin,propellingthemforwardsidebyside.Thesungraduallybowedtowardthehorizon,thewaterbeginningtogleamlikeoldpennies.Thethincloudcoversoftenedtheglareandbegantochangecolors—pinksandorangesandmagentas.
“Wouldyouliketocheckoutthebeach?”shefinallyasked.Henodded,andastheybeganpaddlingtowardshore,Mariaspottedthesleek,darkbacksofthreeporpoisesslowlyapproaching.Theyarcedthroughthewater,andwhenshepointedthemout,Colinbrokeintoaboyishgrin.Inunspokenagreement,theystoppedpaddling,allowingtheirboardstodrift.Tohersurprise,theporpoisesalteredtheircourse,glidingdirectlytowardthem.Oninstinct,Mariareachedforthecameraandbegantosnapphotos,adjustingtheframingwitheveryshot.Bysomemiracle,shecapturedanimageofallthreeoftheporpoisesbreachingthesurfacebeforetheyparadedpastinsinglefile,closeenoughtotouch,theirblowholessprayingwater.Mariaturned,watchingthemretreattowardtheinletandtheoceanbeyond,wonderingwhathadbroughtthemtothisplaceinthisexactmoment.
Whentheyfinallyvanishedfromsight,shenoticedthatColinhadbeenstaringather.Hesmiled,andoninstinct,sheraisedthecameraandsnappedhispicture,suddenlyrecallingtheflashofvulnerabilityhe’dshownafewminutesearlier.Despitetheoutwardconfidenceheexuded,sheunderstoodthatlikeher,Colinsimplywantedtobeaccepted;inhisownway,hewasjustaslonelyasshewas.Therealizationmadeherache,anditsuddenlyfeltliketheyweretheonlytwopeopleintheworld.Inthissilent,intimatemoment,sheknewthatshewantedtospendmoreafternoonswithhimjustlikethisone,anordinaryafternoonthatsomehowfeltmagical.CHAPTER7
Colin
Onthebeach,ColinsatonatowelwithMariabesidehim,tryingtoignorethewayshelookedintheblackbikinithathadbeenhiddenbeneathherclothing.Yesterdayhe’dviewedherasanintriguingstranger;whilepaddleboardingtoday,he’dcometoviewherasafriend;butnow,hewasn’tsurewhatmightcomenext.Allhereallyknewwasthattheblackbikiniwasmakingitdifficulttokeephisthoughtsstraight.Maria,hedecided,wasbeyondpretty,plantedfirmlyinthestunningrange,andalthoughColinsensedthatsomethinghadchangedbetweenthemoverthecourseoftheday,hecouldn’tquiteputanametoit.
Hedidn’thavemuchexperiencewithwomenlikeMaria.Insteadofcollegedegreesandclose-knitfamilies,thewomenhe’ddatedtendedtohavenumerouspiercingsandtattoos,angryfa?ades,andseriousdaddyissues.Theyexpectedtobetreatedpoorly,andhe’dgenerallyobliged.Themutuallackofexpectationmadeforsomethingresemblingcomfortwhentheyhungouttogether.Damagedcomfortforsure,butmiserylovescompany.Onlyacoupleofthemhadlastedaslongasthreemonths,butunlikeEvan,havingonespecialpersoninhislifehadneverheldmuchinterestforColin.Hewasn’twiredthatway.Helikedthefreedomthatcamewithbeingsingle,withouthavingtoanswertosomeoneelse.Itwashardenoughtokeephisownlifestraight,letalonetryingtomeetsomeoneelse’sexpectations.
Oratleastthatwaswhathe’dalwaysbelieved,butnow,ashesurreptitiouslyadmiredMaria,hewonderedwhetherhe’dsimplybeenmakingexcuses.Whethermaybe,justmaybe,hehadn’tcaredaboutbeinginarelationshipbecausehe’dnevergivenitanhonestshot,orbecausehehadn’tmettherightperson.Heknewhewasgettingaheadofhimself,buthecouldn’tdenythefactthathewantedtospendmoretimewithher.Whyshewasstillsinglewasbeyondhim.Heremindedhimselfthattherewasn’tachanceshe’dbeinterestedinaguylikehim.
Andyet…
Inthehospital,he’dspentalotoftimeingrouptherapy,wheretryingtofigureoutwhatmadeotherstickwaspartandparceloftheexerciseitself.Understandingothersmeantunderstandingyourself—andviceversa—andhe’dlongagobecomeattunedtobodylanguageandvocalcuespeopledisplayedastheysharedtheirfearsandflawsandregrets.Andwhilehecouldn’tpreciselyreadMaria,hesuspectedshewasjustasconfusedaboutwhatwashappeningashewas.Whichmadesense.Althoughhewasdoingokaynow,shehadtorealizethattheoldColinwouldalwaysbepartofhim.Thatwouldbeaconcernforanyone;hell,hewasconcernedaboutit,too.Whilehisexplosiveangerwasdormantatthepresenttime,itwaslikeahibernatingbear,andheknewhehadtostructurehislifeacertainwaytokeepspringfromarrivingsothebearwouldstayasleep.Trainhardtokeephisangerincheck;indulgeintheoccasionalMMAmatchtopurgehisaggression.Studyhardandworklonghourstofillhisscheduleandkeephimfromvisitingthewrongplaces.Stayawayfromdrugsandlimitalcohol.SpendtimewithEvanandLily,whonotonlyweremodelcitizens,butwerealwaystheretolendsupportandkeephimoutofharm’sway.
Therewasn’troominhislifeforMaria.Therewasn’ttime.Hedidn’thavetheenergy.
Andyet…
Theywerealonetogetheronanisolatedstretchofsand,andhethoughtagainthatshewassexyashell.Logically,Mariashouldhaverunforthehillsbynow,butsheseemedtobetakinghispastinstride,andforthelifeofhim,hecouldn’tstopthinkingabouther.
Hewatchedassheleanedbackintheglowofthelate-afternoonsun,proppingherselfonherelbows.Hethoughtagainthatshewasasnaturallybeautifulasanyonehe’deverseen,andinanefforttodistracthimself,herolledtothesideandreachedbehindher,pullingthecoolertowardhim.Hepoppedoffthelidandretrievedtwobottlesofwater,thenhandedoneofthemtoher.
“Bananaororange?”heasked.
“Banana,”shesaid.Shesatup,languidandgraceful.“Orangesgetmyhandsallsticky.”
Hehandeditoverandpulledoutacoupleofbaggiesofmixednuts.
“Doyouwantsomeofthese,too?”
“Sure,”shesaid.“Whynot?”
Shetookthebaggieandpoppedacoupleofalmondsintohermouth.“ThisisjustwhatIneeded,”shesaidwithawink.“Icanalreadyfeelmycholesteroldroppingandmymusclesgettingbigger.”
Hesmiled,beginningtopeelhisorange.Shedidthesamewithherbananaandtookabitebeforeleaningbackagain.“Ineverdothis,”shesaid.“CometothebeachwhenI’mhere,Imean.I’vepaddledpastit,butI’veneveractuallycomeoutherejusttorelax.”
“Whynot?”
“Inthesummer,therearealwaystoomanypeoplearound.I’dfeelweirdcomingoutherealone.”
“Why?Itwouldn’tbotherme.”
“Ihavenodoubtyou’ddoit.Foryou,it’snobigdeal.Butit’sdifferentforwomen.Comingouthere,allalone—someguysmightthinkit’saninvitation.Andwhatifsomecrazymansatnexttomeandstartedhittingonme?Likesomeonewho’ddonedrugsandwasonprobationandhadahistoryofgoingtobarssohecouldfightstrangersandstomponpeople’sheads…Oh,wait!”Shefeignedhorrorasshesuddenlyturnedtowardhim.
Helaughed.“Whatifhesaidhe’dchanged?”
“Atfirst,Iprobablywouldn’tbelievehim.”
“Whatifhewascharming?”
“He’dhavetobereally,reallycharming,buteventhen,I’dprobablyratherbealone.”
“Evenifhechangedyourtireinthemiddleofastorm?”
“I’ddefinitelybegratefulforthewayhehelpedmeout,butIdon’tknowifitwouldmakemuchdifference.Evencrazypeoplecandosomethingniceonceinawhile.”
“That’sprobablyawisedecision.Aguylikethatmightbedangerousanddefinitelynotsomeoneyou’dwanttobealonewith.”
“Obviously,”shesaid.“Ofcourse,there’salwaysthepossibilitythathereallyhadchangedandthathehappenedtobeaniceguy,whichmeansI’dbeoutofluck.SinceIneverevengavehimachance,Imean.”
“Icanunderstandhowthatmightbeaproblem.”
“Anyway,that’swhyIdon’tcomeouttothebeachalone.Itjusteliminatesthewholeissue.”
“Makessense.Still,IhavetoadmitthatI’mnotquitesurehowIfeelaboutwhatyoujustsaid.”
“Good,”sheanswered,nudginghimplayfullywithhershoulder.“Thenwe’reeven.Ihaven’tknownhowtofeelaboutalotofwhatyou’vetoldme.”
Thoughhewasn’tsureifshewasflirting,helikedhownaturalitfeltwhenshetouchedhim.“Howaboutwechangethesubjecttosaferground?”
“Likewhat?”
“Tellmeaboutyourfamily.Yousaidyouhavealotofrelativesintown?”
“MygrandparentsonbothsidesstillliveinMexico,butthreeauntsandfourunclesliveinWilmington,alongwithovertwentycousins.Andwethrowsomerockingfamilyparties.”
“Soundsfun.”
“Itis.AlotofthemeitherworkorusedtoworkatLaCocinadelaFamilia,sotherestaurantwaslikeoursecondhome.Growingup,Iprobablyspentmoretimetherethanatthehouse.”
“Yeah?”
Shenodded.“WhenIwaslittle,myparentshadthisplayareasetupinthebacksomymomcouldwatchme,andwhenIstartedschool,I’ddomyhomeworkintheoffice.AfterSerenawasborn,I’dwatchSerenaintheplayareauntilmymom’sshiftended,andthenwhenSerenawasolder,Istartedworkingthere,too.Butthestrangethingis,IneverrememberfeelinglikeIcameinsecondtotherestaurant,orevenlikeitdominatedmylife.Notonlybecausemywholefamilywasthere,butbecausemyparentswerealwayspoppingintocheckonmeandmakesureIwasokay.Andwhenwewereathome,itdidn’tfeelmuchdifferent.Wealwayshadrelativesover.Alotofthemlivedwithusuntiltheysavedenoughmoneytogettheirownplace.Forakid,there’snothingbetter.Therewasalwayssomethinggoingon;peopletalkingorplayingorcookingorlisteningtomusic.Itwasalwaysloud,butitwasgoodenergy.Happyenergy.”
Hetriedtomatchheraccountwiththewomansittingbesidehim,findingitsurprisinglyeasy.
“Howoldwereyouwhenyoustartedworkingattherestaurant?”
“Fourteen,”shesaid.“IworkedthereafterschoolandeverysummerandChristmasbreakuntilIgraduatedfromlawschool.Myparentsthoughtitwouldbegoodformetoearnmyownspendingmoney.”
“Yousoundproudofthem.”
“Wouldn’tyoube?ThoughImustadmitthatI’mnotquitesurewhatmyparentswouldthinkiftheyknewIwaswithyoutoday.”
“Ihaveaprettygoodideaofwhattheymightthink.”
Shelaughed,lightheartedandunrestrained.
“YouwanttotrytossingtheFrisbeearound?”
“I’lltry.Don’tsayIdidn’twarnyou.”
Shehadn’tbeenlying.Shewasn’tverygood;nearlyallofhertossesveeredoffcourse,somehittingthesandandothersgettingcaughtinthebreeze.Colinzigzaggedgamely,tryingtorescuetheFrisbeebeforeithitthegroundwhilehearinghercallout,“I’msorry!”WhenevershesucceededinmakinganaccuratethroworcatchingtheFrisbee,shereveledwithalmostchildlikeglee.
Throughitall,shekeptupasteadychatter.ShetoldhimabouthertripstoMexicotovisithergrandparentsanddescribedthetinycinder-blockhouseswherebothsetshadlivedtheirentirelives.Shetouchedonherhighschoolyears,alongwithafewofhercollegeandlawschoolexperiences,andsharedafewstoriesaboutworkingattheDA’soffice.Hewasperplexedathowherfirstboyfriendcouldhavelethergoandwhynooneelsehadcomealongsince.Couldanyonebesoblind?Hedidn’tknowanddidn’tcare:Allhereallyknewforsurewasthathewasunbelievablyluckythatshe’dwanderedouttothepier.
AbandoningtheFrisbee,he’dgrabbedtheHackySackandheardherlaughaloud.“Notachance,”shesaidbeforecollapsingonhertowel.Colinsatbesideher,feelingthewearinessofanactivedayinthesunandnoticingthatMaria’sskinhadtakenonabutteryglow.Theyfinishedtherestoftheirwater,sippingslowlyastheywatchedthewaves.
“IthinkI’dliketowatchyoufight,”shesaid,turningtowardhim.
“Okay,”hesaid.
“When’sthenextone?”
“Notforafewweeks.It’sattheHouseofBluesinNorthMyrtleBeach.”
“Whoareyoufighting?”
“Idon’tknowyet.”
“Howcanyounotknowwhoyou’refighting?”
Heranhisfingersthroughthesand.“Inamateurevents,theticketisn’talwaysfinisheduntilthedaybefore.Italldependsonwhowantstofight,who’sreadytofight,who’savailabletofight.And,ofcourse,whoactuallysignsuptofight.”
“Doesthatmakeyounervous?Notknowing?”
“Notreally.”
“Whatifhe’slike…agiantorsomething?”
“Thereareweightclasses,sothat’snotaconcern.Mymainworryisiftheguypanicsandbreakstherules.Someoftheguyswhoshowupintheseamateureventsdon’thavealotofexperienceinthecage,andit’seasytolosecontrol.That’swhathappenedwhenmylastopponenthead-buttedme.TheyhadtostopthefightsoIcouldgetthebleedingundercontrol,buttherefdidn’tcatchit.Mycoachwasgoingnuts.”
“Andyouactuallyenjoythat?”
“Itcomeswiththeterritory,”hesaid.“ThegoodnewsisthatIgottheguyinaguillotinechokeholdinthenextroundandhehadtotapout.AndIdidenjoythatpart.”
“Youdorealizethat’snotnormal,right?”
“Okay.”
“Andjustsowe’reclear,Idon’tcarewhetheryouwinorlose,butIdon’twantyoutogetallbloodiedandbruised.”
“I’lldomybest.”
Shefurrowedherbrow.“Wait—theHouseofBlues?Isn’tthatarestaurant?”
“Amongotherthings.Butithasenoughroom.Amateureventsdon’tusuallydrawmuchofacrowd.”
“I’mshocked!Whowouldn’twanttowatchmentryingtobeatthehelloutofeachother?Whatiswrongwithsocietythesedays?”
Hegrinned.Shewrappedherarmsaroundherkneesasshe’ddonethenightbefore,butthistime,hecouldfeelhershoulderbrushingagainsthisown.“Howdidthephotosturnout?”heasked.“Theonesoftheporpoises?”
Mariareachedforhercameraandclickedtothedisplaybeforehandingittohim.“Ithinkthisone’sthebest,”shesaid.“Butthereareafewmore.Justusethearrowbuttontheretogothroughthem.”
Hestaredattheimageofthethreeporpoises.“It’sincredible,”hesaid.“It’salmostliketheywereposing.”
“SometimesIgetlucky.Thelightwasjustright.”Sheleanedtowardhim,herarmgrazinghis.“ThereareothersthatI’vetakeninthelastmonththatIliked,too.”
Heusedthebackarrow,scanningalongseriesofphotos:pelicansandospreys,aclose-upofabutterfly,amulletcaughtinmidjump.Whensheleanedfurtherintohimtofollowalong,hecaughtthescentofwildflowersintheheat.
Attheendoftheseries,shefinallypulledback.“Youshouldframesomeofthese,”hesaid,handingherthecamera.
“Ido,”shesaid.“Butjustthebetterones.”
“Betterthanthese?”
“You’dbetheonetojudge,”shesaid.“Ofcourse,you’dhavetocomeoverfirst,sincethey’rehangingonmywalls.”
“I’dthinkI’dlikethat,Maria.”
Mariaturnedtowardthewateragain,aslightsmileplayingonherlips,anditseemedoddtothinkthatitwasonlyyesterdaythathe’dspottedherattheendofthepier.Orhowwellhe’dcometoknowherinsuchashortperiodoftime.Andhowmuchhewantedtoknowevenmoreabouther.
“Weshouldprobablygetgoing,”shesaid,anoteofregretinhervoice.“Beforeitstartsgettingtoodark.”
Henodded,feelingastabofdisappointmentastheyrosetogatheruptheirthings.Theypaddledback,reachingWrightsvilleBeachjustasthefirststarswereemerging.ColinhelpedMariastraptheboardsandpaddlestothetopofhercarbeforeturningtofaceher.Watchingherbrushthehairfromhereyes,hefeltoddlynervous,somethinghecouldneverrememberhappeningwithawomanbefore.
“Ihadagreattimetoday.”
“Paddleboardingisalotoffun,”sheagreed.
“Iwasn’ttalkingaboutthepaddleboarding,”hesaid.Heshiftedfromonefoottotheother,andhehadtheimpressionthatshewaswaitingforhimtofinish.“Iwastalkingaboutspendingtimewithyou.”
“Yeah?”sheasked,hervoicesoft.
“Yeah.”Colinwassureshewasmorebeautifulthananywomanhe’deverknown.
“Whatareyoudoingnextweekend?”
“OtherthanbrunchonSunday,Idon’thaveanythingplanned.”
“DoyouwanttogotothatwarehouseSerenatoldyouabout?OnSaturdaynight?”
“Areyouaskingmetogodancing?”
“I’dliketogettoknowthelesstypicalMaria,theonewhocanreallybeherself.”
“Becausethequieterversionisn’tyourtype?”
“No,”hesaid.“Actually,it’sjusttheopposite.AndIalreadyknowhowIfeelaboutthatMaria.”
Cricketswerecallingfromthedunes,serenadingthemlikenature’sorchestra.Theywerealone,andasshestaredupathim,hesteppedtowardher,instincttakingover.Hewonderedifshe’dturnawayandbreakthespell,butshedidn’t.Instead,shestayedinplaceashemovedevennearer,onearmslowlygoingaroundherback.Hepulledherclose,theirlipscomingtogether,andatthatmoment,hesuddenlyknewthatthiswaswhathe’dwantedallalong.He’dwantedher,inhisarms,justlikethis,forever.
Colintookhistimegettinghome,drivingthroughWilmington’sprettierbackstreetsandbaskinginthewarmafterglowofhisdaywithMaria.Hisbodyfeltsurprisinglywellusedbytheafternoonofpaddleboarding,hismindstillcirclingthemysteryofMaria.Gettingoutofhiscar,hewasjustamblingacrossthenewlycutlawntowardhisapartmentwhenheheardLilycallingfromtheporch,hercellphoneinhand.
“Thereyouare,”shesaid,herdrawlalmostasingsong.Asalways,shewasperfectlycoiffed.Tonight,though,insomethingofararity,shewaswearingjeans—albeitwithpumps,apearlnecklace,tastefullysizeddiamondstuds,andagardeniaartfullypinnedinherhair.
“Whatareyoudoingouthere?”heasked,veeringtowardher.
“IwasspeakingtomymotherwhileIwaswaitingforyou,”sheanswered,skippingdownthestepstowardhim.Lilywastheonlygirlheknewwhoactuallyskippedwhenshewashappy.Sheleanedinforahug.“EvantoldmeyouweregoingonadatetodayandIwanttohearallaboutitbeforewegoinside.”
“Where’sEvan?”
“He’sonthecomputerresearchingsomepharmaceuticalcompanyforhisclients.Youknowhowseriousheisabouthiswork,blesshisheart.Butdon’ttrytochangethesubject.Fornow,we’regoingtositonthestepswhileyoutellmeaboutthisspecialyoungwoman,andIwon’ttakenoforananswer.Anddon’tleaveanythingout.Iwanttoheareverything.”
Shetookaseatonthesteps,pattingthespotbesideher.Colinknewhehadnochoicebuttodoashe’dbeentold,andhegaveherthebasics.Lilyinterruptedfrequently,pressinghimfordetails.Whenhefinished,shesquintedathim,obviouslydisappointed.
“Youreallymustworkonyourstorytellingskills,Colin,”shechided.“Allyoudidwasrecitealistofactivitiesandthetopicsyoutalkedabout.”
“HowelsewasIsupposedtotellit?”
“That’sasillyquestion.Youweresupposedtomakemefallinlovewithher,too.”
“WhywouldIwanttodothat?”
“Becauseevenaspoorlyasyoutoldthestory,it’sobviousthatyou’resmittenwithher.”
Hesaidnothing.
“Colin?”shesaid.“ThisisexactlywhatImean.Whatyoushouldhavesaidwassomethinglike,‘WhenI’mwithMaria…Ijust…I…’andthentrailoffandshakeyourheadbecausewordsareinadequatetoconveytheintensityofwhatyou’reexperiencing.”
“Thatsoundsmorelikeyouthanme.”
“Iknow,”shesaid,soundingalmostsorryforhim.“That’swhatmakesyousuchapoorstoryteller,blessyourheart.”
OnlyLilycouldinsulthiminawaythatmadeitsoundasthoughitwasharderforhertosaythanforhimtohear.“HowdoyouknowI’msmittenwithher?”heasked.
Shesighed.“Ifyoudidn’tenjoyspendingthedayinherpresence,youwouldhavegivenmethatblanklookofyoursandsaid,‘There’snothingtotalkabout,’whenIaskedyouabouther.Andallthat,ofcourse,bringstheprimaryquestiontomind:WhenwillIhavethechancetomeether?”
“I’dhavetoaskher.”
“Anddoyouhaveimmediateplanstospendmoretimewithyourladyfriend?”
Colinhesitated,wonderingifanyonebesidesLilystillusedthetermladyfriend.“We’resupposedtogooutnextweekend.”
“Nottoabar,Ihope.”
“No,”hesaid.Hetoldheraboutthewarehouse.
“Doyouthinkthat’sawisedecision?ConsideringwhathappenedthelasttimeyouwenttoaclubwithEvanandme?”
“Ijustwanttotakeherdancing.”
“Dancingcanbeveryromantic,”sheadmitted.“Andyet…”
“It’llbefine.Ipromise.”
“ThenIshalltakeyouatyourword.Ofcourse,youshouldalsoswingbyherofficesometimethisweekandsurpriseherwithflowersorcandy.Womenlovetoreceivethosesortsofthoughtfulgifts,thoughI’vealwaysheldtheopinionthatcandyisbetterduringthecoolmonths.Somaybejustflowers.”
“That’snotmystyle.”
“Ofcourseitisn’t,whichiswhyImadethesuggestion.Trustme.She’llbethrilled.”
“Okay.”
Athisanswer,shereachedoverandpattedhishand.“Haven’twetalkedaboutthis?Saying‘okay’whenpeopletalktoyou?It’sahabityoureallyneedtobreak.It’sveryunattractive.”
“Okay.”
“Andsoitgoes.”Shesighed.“Oneday,you’llunderstandthewisdomofmywords.”
Behindthem,Evanopenedthedoor,catchingsightofherhandonColin’s,butEvanunderstoodtherelationshipbetweenthethreeofthemthesamewayColindid
“Letmeguess.You’regrillinghimabouthisdate?”heaskedhisfiancée.
“Iwasdoingnosuchthing,”Lilyhuffed.“Ladiesdonotgrill.Isimplyinquiredhowhebelievedtheirdatewent,andthoughColin—poorthing—nearlyputmetosleepatfirst,Idothinkourfriendhereissmitten.”
Evanlaughed.“Colin?Smitten?Thosetwothingsjustdon’tgotogether.”
“Colin,wouldyoupleaseinformmyfiancéastothetruthofthismatter?”
Colinhookedathumbtowardher.“ShethinksI’msmitten.”
“AsIsaid,”Lilynoted,soundingsatisfied.“Nowthatwe’vegottentothetruthofthematter,”shewenton,“whendoyouplanoncallingyournewladyfriend?”
“Ihaven’tthoughtaboutit.”
“Haveyoulearnednothingfromme?”Sheshookherhead.“Beforeyouevenshower,youmust—youabsolutelymust—giveyourladyfriendacall.Andyoumustalsotellherhowwonderfulshemadeyoufeel,andthatyouwerehonoredbythepleasureofhercompany.”
“Don’tyouthinkthat’salittlemuch?”
Lilysoundedalmostsad.“Colin…Iknowyoustrugglewhenitcomestoexpressingyoursensitiveside,andthatisaflawinyourcharacterthatI’vealwaysbeenwillingtooverlook,ifonlyoutofdearfriendship.Butyouwillcallherthisevening.Assoonasyouwalkinthedoor.Becausegentlemen—realgentlemen—alwayscall,andIonlyassociatewithgentlemen.”
EvanraisedhiseyebrowsandColinknewhehadnochoice.
“Okay.”CHAPTER8
Maria
OnMonday,Mariathoughtitbesttohideoutinheroffice,whereshecouldconcentrateinpeace.Barney’sstresslevelabouttheupcomingtrialwasescalating,andshedidn’twanttobecomeanunwittingtarget.Closingherdoor,shejottednotesinpreparationforamidmorningmeetingwithclients,madesomephonecalls,andrespondedtoe-mails,wantingtogetajumpontheweek.Andyet,despiteherdesireforefficiency,everynowandthenshe’dcatchherselfstaringoutthewindow,replayingimagesfromtheweekend.
SomeofherdistractionhadtodowithColin’sphonecallonSundaynight.Iffriendsandmagazinesspokethetruth,guysdidn’tcallrightaway,andmostofthemnevercalledatall.Thenagain,everythingaboutColinvergedontheunexpected.Afterhangingup,she’dexaminedthephotothatshe’dtakenofhimandimaginedthatshesawinitboththeColinsheknewandColinthestranger.Hisexpressionwasgentle,buthisbodywasamapofscarsandtattoos.Thoughshe’dpromisedtoshowSerena,shedecidedthenandtherethatthephotowouldbeforhereyesonly.
“Someone’sinagoodmood.”
Atthesound,MariasawJillinthedoorway.
“Oh,hey,Jill.What’sup?”
“IsupposeIshouldbeaskingyou,”shesaid,entering.“YouweredefinitelylostinyourowndreamylittleworldwhenIpeekedin,andnoonedoesthatonMondays.”
“Ihadagoodweekend.”
“Yeah?”sheasked.“Bythewayyoujustsaidit,I’massumingthatitwentwaybetterthanmydepositionslastweek.ThishastobethefirsttimeIeverfoundmyselfactuallyprayingIcouldreturntotheoffice.”
“Thatbad?”
“Awful.”
“Youwanttotalkaboutit?”
“Onlyifyouwanttodieofboredom.Andanyway,Ihaveaconferencecallinafewminutes.Imainlydroppedbytoseeifyou’redoinganythingforlunch.I’mdyingforsomesushiandgoodcompanynowthatI’mbackinthesaddle.”
“Soundsgreat.”
Jilladjustedthesleeveofherblouse.“Imaybereadingthiswrong,butItakeitthatyou’renotstillmadatme.”
“WhywouldIbemadatyou?”
“MaybebecauseIambushedyouwiththeworstblinddateinhistory?”
“Oh,yeah,”Mariasaid,surprisedthatshe’dnearlyforgotten.“That.”
“I’msosorry,”Jillsaid.“Youcan’timaginehowbadIfeltallweek,especiallysinceIdidn’thavethechancetotalktoyouaboutit.”
“Wetalked,remember?Andyouapologized.”
“Notenough.”
“It’sokay.Andactually,itendedupturningoutfine.”
“Ican’timaginehow.”
“Imetsomeone.”
Acoupleofbeatspassedbeforetheanswercametoher.“You’renottalkingabouttheguywhochangedyourtire?Theonewhowasbruisedandbleedingandscaredyouhalftodeath?”
“That’stheone.”
“How’sthatevenpossible?”
“It’skindofhardtoexplain.”
Jillsmirked.“Uh-oh.”
“What?”
“You’resmilingagain.”
“AmI?”
“Yes,youare.Andpartofmewantstocanceltheconferencecallandjustpullupachair.”
“Ican’t.BarneyandIaremeetingaclientinafewminutes.”
“Butwe’redefinitelyonforlunch,right?Andyou’llfillmeinthen?”
“Withoutadoubt.”
Tenminuteslater,Serenacalledonhercellphone.WhenMariasawwhowasontheline,shefeltasuddenjoltofconcern.Serenanevercalledbeforetena.m.Halfthetime,shewasn’tevenawakebyten.
“Serena?Areyouokay?”
“Whereisit?”
“Where’swhat?”
“ThephotoofColin.Itwasn’tinmye-mailortext.”
Mariablinked.“You’recallingmeatwork,duringworkhours,aboutaphoto?”
“Iwouldn’thavehadtoifyou’dalreadysentit.Diditgookay?Tellmeyoudidn’talreadyrunhimoff.”
“No.Asamatteroffact,we’regoingoutSaturdaynight.”
“Okay,”Serenasaid.“Thepostwon’thaveasmuchimpactwithoutaphoto,though.Ofcourse,IguessIcouldjustuseoneofyoufromwhenyouwereakidorwhateverifyou’renotgoingtosendit…”
“Good-bye,Serena.”
Shehungupthephone,onlytoreachforhercellphoneafewminuteslater,moreoutofmorbidcuriositythananything.
Andthere,onInstagram,washerphoto.Fromwhenshewasinmiddleschool.Braces.Acne.Glasses.Gawky.Theworstschoolphotointhehistoryofschoolphotos“Trynottobejealous,guys,butmysisterMariahasadatethisSaturdaynight!”
Mariaclosedhereyes.Shewasgoingtohavetokillhersister.Noquestionaboutit.
Butshehadtoadmit,Serenawaskindoffunny.
Overaplateofassortedsushiandsashimiacoupleofhourslater,MariafilledJillinonmuchofwhathadhappenedwithColin,thestorysoundingunbelievableeventoher.
“Wow,”Jillbreathed.
“DoyouthinkI’mcrazy?Consideringhispast?”
“WhoamItojudge?Lookattheblinddatewesetup.Onsomethingasoutoftheboxasthis,yourbestbetistojustkeepfollowingyourinstincts.”
“Whatifmyinstinctsarewrong?”
“Thenattheveryleast,yougotyourtirechanged.Andhadanicedate,whichI’mhopingwillgetmetotallyoffthehookforthatdouble-datefiasco.”
Mariasmiled.“Sothedepositionswereboring?”
“Theywereenoughtomakeamonkgocrazy,sincehalfthepeopleareperfectlywillingtolieunderoathandtheotherhalfsaytheycan’trememberanythingatall.AndnowthatIwastedmytimeallweek,we’llprobablyjustendupsettling.Parforthecourse,butIcan’tsayI’mevergoingtoenjoyit.”Shesnaggedanotherpieceofsushi.“HowgoesitwithBarney?”
“Better,”shesaid.
“Whatdoesthatmean?”
“Oh,that’sright—youweren’there,”Mariastarted,andshetoldJillaboutgettinghertirechangedandhowitledtobeinglateforthemeeting,alongwithalltheworkshefeltcompelledtodointheaftermath.Shealsorecountedthedressing-downBarneygaveher,thoughsheomittedtheconfrontationwithKen.
“Barneywillgetoverit.He’salwaystensebeforetrial.”
Yes,but…Mariashiftedinherseat.“Thethingis,IheardthatBarneywasgoingtoletmebeleadcounselonthiscase.”
“Wheredidyouhearthat?”Jillheldherchopsticksathalf-mast.“Don’tgetmewrong,you’reabrilliantassociate—butyou’realittleshortonexperienceforBarneytosaddleyouwiththatkindofresponsibility.”
“Rumors,”Mariasaid.
“Iwouldn’tputmuchstockinrumors.Barneyenjoysthelimelighttoomuch,andhehasahardtimecedingcontrol—nottomentioncredit—toeventhemostseniorassociates.That’soneofthereasonsItransferredtolaborandemployment.IfiguredI’dneverbeabletomoveup,orevengetthecourtroomexperienceIneeded.”
“Istillcan’tbelieveyouwereabletotransferdepartments.”
“Luckytiming.ItoldyouIwasinlaborandemploymentforafewyearsbeforeIstartedatthefirm,right?”WhenMarianodded,Jillwenton.“Atthetime,though,Iwasn’tsureitwaswhatIreallywantedtodo,soItookachanceandtriedinsurancelitigation.IworkedwithBarneyforninemonthsandpracticallykilledmyselfbeforeIrealizeditwasadeadend.Iwouldhaveleft,butitjustsohappenedthatthefirmwasbuildingupitslaborandemploymentpracticeandneededme.”
“Unfortunately,I’mkindofstuckifthisdoesn’tworkout.Unlesswestartdoingcriminaldefense.”
“Youcouldalwayschangefirms.”
“That’snotaseasyasyoumightthink.”
“Youhaven’tbeenlooking,haveyou?”
“Notreally.ButI’vebeenbeginningtowonderifIshouldstart.”
Jillscrutinizedherasshereachedforherglass.“Youknowyoucantalktome,right?Aboutanyconcernsyouhave.WhileI’mnotapartner,Idorunmyowndepartment,whichgivesmesomecloutaroundhere.”
“I’vejustgotalotonmymindrightnow.”
“Hopefully,you’retalkingaboutColin.”
Thementionofhisnamebroughtmorememoriesfromtheweekend,andshechangedthesubject.“How’sPauldoing?”
“He’sfine.Ihadtogivehimthecoldshoulderforacoupleofdaysaspunishmentforthedate,buthegotoverit.WewenttoAshevilleovertheweekendforsomewinetasting.”
“Thatsoundsfun.”
“Itwas.Except,ofcourse,there’snoringyetandthebiologicalclockisstilltickingandtimeisgrowingshort.Pretendingthateverythingisokayhasn’tworkedyet,somaybeit’stimetotryanewstrategy.”
“Likewhat?”
“Ihavenoidea.Ifyouhaveanyfoolproofplans,besuretoletmeknow.”
“Willdo.”
Jillhadanotherpieceofsushi.“Whatdoyouhavelinedupthisafternoon?”
“Samestuffasusual.There’salotofprepworktofinishforthetrial.Whiletryingtokeepupwitheverythingelse,ofcourse.”
“LikeIsaid,Barneyexpectsalotfromhisassociates.”
AndKenexpectssomethingelse.“It’sajob,”shesaid.
“Areyousureeverythingisokay?Evenwithourlecherousmanagingpartner?”
“Whywouldyouask?”
“Becauseyouwentofftothatconferencewithhim,andI’veknownhimlongerthanyouhave.Andremember—Iknowexactlyhowheoperates.”
“Theconferencewasfine.”
Jillgavehertheonce-overbeforefinallyofferingashrug.“Fairenough,”shesaid.“Thepointis,I’msensingthatsomethingelseisbotheringyou.”
Mariaclearedherthroat,wonderingwhyitsuddenlyfeltasifshewerebeinginterrogated.
“There’sreallynothingtosay,”sheanswered.“I’mjustdoingthebestjobIcan.”
Thedaysthatfollowedweretoobusyfortheluxuryofdaydreaming,withBarneystormingintoherofficeeveryhalfhouraskinghertoexamineadditionaldetailsortomakecalls,notwithstandingherworkonotherclientmatters.Shebarelyhadtimetoleaveherdesk,andonWednesdayafternoon,whileworkingonadraftofBarney’sopeningstatement,shefailedtonoticethewaythesunlightbeganslantingthroughherwindows,orthedepartures,onebyone,ofhercolleagues.ShestaredatherMacBookscreenwithsingularconcentrationuntilaknockatherofficedoorstartledher.Shesawthedoorslowlyswingopen.
Ken.
Withajoltofpanic,shelookedthroughtheopendoorway;acrossthehall,Lynnwasnolongeratherdesk.Barney’sofficewasdark,andshecouldn’thearanyoneelseinthehallway.
“Inoticedthatyourlightswerestillon,”hesaid,steppingintoheroffice.“Doyouhaveafewminutes?”
“Iwasjustfinishingup,”sheimprovised,hearingatraceofuncertaintyinhertone.“Imusthavelosttrackoftime.”
“I’mgladIcaughtyouthen,”hesaid,hisvoicesmoothandcontrolled.“Iwantedtofinishtheconversationwestartedlastweek.”
Mariafeltathudinherchestandbegancollectingthepagesonherdeskbeforeslippingthembackintotheirfolders.Thelastthingshewantedwastobealonewithhim.Sheswallowed.“Isthereanywaywecoulddothistomorrow?I’malreadylateandI’msupposedtohavedinnerwithmyparentstonight.”
“Itwon’ttakelong,”hesaid,ignoringherexcuseashecamearoundherdesk.Hestoodnearthewindowandshenotedtheskyhaddarkenedbeyondtheglass.“Itmightbeeasierforyouthisway,sincewe’reawayfrompryingeyes.There’snoreasonforeveryonetoknowwhathappenedwithBarney’sclients.”
Notknowingwhattosay,shestayedquiet.
Heglancedoutthewindow,seeminglyfocusedonsomethinginthedistance.“HowdoyoulikeworkingwithBarney?”hefinallyasked.
“I’mlearningalotfromhim,”Mariabegan,choosingherwordscarefully.“Hehasgreatstrategicinstincts,theclientstrusthim,andasacolleague,he’sgoodatexplaininghisthinking.”
“Yourespecthim,then.”
“Ofcourse.”
“It’simportanttoworkwithpeoplethatyourespect.It’simportantthatthetwoofyoucanworktogetherasateam.”Kenadjustedthevenetianblinds,closingthemslightly,thenreturningthemtotheiroriginalposition.“Wouldyouconsideryourselfateamplayer?”
Thequestionhungintheairbeforeshewasabletoanswer.“Itrytobe,”shesaid.
Kenwaitedabeatbeforegoingon.“IspoketoBarneyagainonFridayaboutthesituation,andImustsaythatIwasabitsurprisedathowangryhestillwasoverwhathappened.That’swhyIaskedyouaboutbeingateamplayer.BecauseIwenttobatforyouinthatmeeting,andIthinkI’vebeenabletodefusethesituation.IwantedtomakesureIwasdoingtherightthing.”
Mariaswallowed,wonderingwhyBarneyhadn’ttalkedtoherhimselfifhewasstillsoupset.“Thankyou,”shefinallymurmured.
Heturnedfromthewindowandtookasteptowardher.“IdiditbecauseIwantyoutohavealongandsuccessfultenureatthefirm.You’regoingtoneedsomeonewho’sabletoadvocateforyouinthesekindsofsituations,andI’mheretohelpyouwhenIcan.”Bythen,hewasstandingoverher,andshefelthimplaceahandonhershoulder.Kindof.Hisfingertipsskimmedtheareabelowhercollarbone.“Youshouldconsidermeafriend,albeitafriendinahighplace.”
Recoilingfromhistouch,shesuddenlyknewthatallofthis—theMondaycoldshoulder,thedressing-downonThursday,andnowthisyouandmeagainsttheworldshow—wassimplypartofhislatestplantogetherinbed,andshewonderedwhyshehadn’tbeenabletoseeitcoming.
“Weshouldgotolunchtomorrow,”hesaid,hisfingertipsstillbrushingtheexposedskinaboveherscoop-neckedshirt.“WecantalkaboutotherwaysthatIcanhelpyounavigatetheinsandoutsoftheoffice,especiallyifyouhopetobecomeapartneroneday.IthinkyouandIwillbeabletoworktogetherreallywell.Don’tyouthinkso,Maria?”
Itwasthesoundofhernamethatbroughtherback,hiswordsfinallyregistering.Notinthislifetime,shesuddenlythought.“Ican’tgotolunchtomorrow,”shesaid,tryingtoholdhervoicesteady.“Ialreadyhaveplans.”
Aflashofannoyancecrossedhisface.“WithJill?”
Thatwasusuallythecase,andKenofcourseknewthat.Nodoubthe’dsuggestthatshechangetheplan.Forherowngood.
“Actually,I’mgoingtolunchwithmyboyfriend.”
Shefelthishandslowlyslipoffhershoulder.“Youhaveaboyfriend?”
“ItoldyouaboutColin,didn’tI?Whenwewereattheconference?”
“No,”heanswered.“Youdidn’tmentionhim.”
Sensingherchance,Mariarosefromherseatandsteppedaway,continuingtocollectdocuments,stuffingthemintofiles,notcaringwheretheyendedup.Shecouldsortthemoutlater.“That’sstrange,”sheremarked.“IthoughtIdid.”
Shecouldtellbyhisplasticsmilethathewastryingtodecidewhetherornottobelieveher.“Tellmeabouthim,”hesaid.
“He’sanMMAfighter,”sheanswered.“Youknowthoseguysinthecage?Ithinkit’scrazy,buthe’sreallyintoit.Heworksoutandtrainsforhourseverydayandhelovestofight,soIkindoffeellikeIhavetosupporthim.”
Shecouldimaginethewheelsinhismindcontinuingtoturnasshehoistedherbagoverhershoulder.“WhileIcan’tmeetforlunch,doyouwanttotalkinyourofficetomorrow?I’msureIcanclearpartofmymorningorafternoon.”Whenthereareothersaround,shedidn’tbotheradding.
“I’mnotsurethat’snecessary.”
“MaybeIshouldtalktoBarney?”
Heshookhishead,themovementalmostimperceptible.“It’sprobablybesttoletitgofornow.”
Ofcourseyou’dsaythat.BecausethiswholethingwasaruseandyounevertalkedtoBarneyatall.“Allright.IguessI’llsaygoodnight,then.”
Shereachedthedoor,breathingasighofreliefasshemadeherescape.Thewholeboyfriendthinghadbeeninspired,butthatcardhadnowbeenplayed.Itwouldn’tsurprisehimagain;he’dbereadyforit.Inthelongrun—ormaybeevenintheshortrun—shedoubteditwouldstopKen’sadvances,evenifithadbeentrue.
Orbecametrue?
Stillreelingfromherencounter,shewonderedifshewantedittobetrue.AllsheknewforcertainwasthatwhenColinhadkissedher,she’dfeltsomethingelectric,andtherealizationwasbothexhilaratingandfrightening—atexactlythesametime.
Thoughshe’dbeenlyingwhenshetoldKenthatshewashavingdinnerwithherparents,shewasn’tinthemoodtobealoneandfoundherselfdrivingthefamiliarroadstotheplaceshe’dgrownup.
Theneighborhoodwasmorebluecollarthanwhite,withhomesshowingsignsofdeferredmaintenanceandafewsportingFORSALEsigns.Older-modelcarsandtruckswereparkedinvirtuallyeverydriveway.Theirneighborshadalwaysbeenplumbersandcarpenters,clericalworkersandsecretaries.Itwasthekindofcommunitywherekidsplayedinthefrontyardsandyoungcouplespushedstrollers,wherepeoplewouldcollectthemailforeachotherwhentheywereoutoftown.Thoughherparentsnevertalkedaboutit,Mariahadheardrumorsgrowingupthatwhenherdadhadfirstboughtthehouse,morethanafewneighborslivingatthisendoftheblockhadbeenupset.TheSanchezeswerethefirstnonwhitefamilyonthestreet,andpeoplehadquietlyspeculatedaboutdecliningpropertyvaluesandrisingcrime,asthougheveryonewho’dbeenborninMexicowassomehowconnectedtothedrugcartels.
Shesupposeditwasoneofthereasonsthatherdadhadalwayskepttheyardimmaculateandthebushestrimmed;herepaintedtheexteriorinthesamecoloreveryfifthyear,alwaysparkedhiscarsinthegarageinsteadofthedriveway,andkeptanAmericanflagmountedonapoleonthefrontporch.HedecoratedthehouseforbothHalloweenandChristmasandintheirfirstyearswouldhandoutrestaurantcouponstoanyneighborwhohappenedtobeoutside,allowingthemtoeatathalfprice.Hermomregularlymadetraysoffoodontheweekendafternoonswhenshewasn’tattherestaurant—burritosandenchiladas,tacosorcarnitas—whichshewouldservetoanyofthekidswhowereoutplayingkickballorsoccer.Littlebylittle,they’dbeenacceptedintheneighborhood.Sincethen,mostofthesurroundinghomeshadbeensoldmorethanonce,andineveryinstance,herparentsshoweduptowelcomethenewownerswithahousewarminggiftinthehopesofpreventingfuturewhispers.
Mariasometimeshadtroubleimagininghowhardithadbeen,thoughinschool,there’dbeenmorethanacoupleofyearswhenshe’dbeentheonlyMexicaninherclassroom.Becauseshe’dbeenagoodstudent,albeitaquietone,shecouldn’trememberfeelingthestingofdiscriminationinthesamewayherparentshadexperiencedit,butevenifshehad,herparentswouldhavetoldhertodowhattheyhaddone.Theywouldhavetoldhertobeherself,tobekindandwelcomingtoeveryone,andtheywouldhavewarnedherthatsheshouldneversinktoothers’level.Andthen,shethoughtwithasmile,theywouldhavetoldhertostudy.
UnlikeSerena,whowasstillrevelinginfinallybeingoutfromunderherparents’thumbs,Mariaenjoyedcominghome.Shelovedtheoldplace:thegreenandorangewalls;thewildlyplayfulceramictileinthekitchen;theeclecticfurniturehermotherhadcollectedovertheyears;arefrigeratordoorthatwasendlesslydecoratedwithphotosandinformationrelatingtothefamily,anythingthathadmadeCarmenparticularlyproud.Shelovedthewayhermotherhummedwhenevershewashappyandespeciallywhenshewascooking.Growingup,Mariahadtakenthesethingsforgranted,butbeginningincollege,shecouldrememberafeelingofcomfortwhenevershepushedthroughthefrontdoor,evenafterjustafewweeksaway.
Knowingherparentswouldbeoffendedifsheknocked,shewentstraightin,movingthroughthelivingroomandintothekitchen.Shesetherbagonthecounter.
“Mom?Dad?Whereareyou?”shecalledout.
Asalwayswhenathome,shespokeSpanish,theshiftfromEnglishassimpleasbreathingandjustasunconscious.
“Outhere!”sheheardhermomanswer.
Mariaturnedtowardthebackporch,whereshesawhermomanddadrisingfromthetable.Happyshewashereandleaninginforhugs,theybothspokeatonce.
“Wedidn’tknowyouwerecoming…”
“Whatanicesurprise…”
“Youlookwonderful…”
“You’resoskinny…”
“Areyouhungry?”
Mariagreetedhermom,thenherdad,thenhermomagain,thenherdadasecondtime.Inherparents’minds,Mariawouldalwaysbetheirlittlegirl.Andthoughthere’dbeenaperiodforafewteenageyearswhentheideahadmortifiedher—especiallywhenapparentinpublic—thesedaysshehadtoadmitthatshekindoflikedit.
“I’mokay.Icangrabsomethinglater.”
“I’llmakeyousomething,”hermomsaiddecisively,movingtowardtherefrigerator.Herdadwatchedhergowithobviousappreciation.Hehadalwaysbeenahopelessromantic.
Inhismidfifties,hewasneitherthinnorfat.Hehadlittlegrayinhishair,butMarianoticedalingering,almostconstantweariness,theeffectoftoomuchworkfortoomanyyears.Tonightheseemedevenlessenergeticthanusual.
“Makingyoudinnermakesherfeellikeshe’sstillimportanttoyou,”hesaid
“Ofcourseshe’sstillimportanttome.Whywouldshethinkotherwise?”
“Becauseyoudon’tneedherthewayyouoncedid.”
“I’mnotachild.”
“Butshe’llalwaysbeyourmother,”hesaidfirmly.Hemotionedtowardthetableontheporch.“Doyouwanttositoutsideandenjoysomewine?YourmomandIwerehavingaglass.”
“Icangetit,”shesaid.“LetmetalktoMomforabitandI’llmeetyououtthere.”
Whileherdadreturnedtotheporch,sheretrievedaglassfromthecupboardandpouredherselfsomewinebeforesidlinguptohermother.Bythen,Carmenhadloadedupacasseroledishwithpotroast,mashedpotatoes,greenbeans,andabiscuit—enoughcaloriesforacoupleofdays,Mariaestimated—andwasslidingthedishintotheoven.Forwhateverreason—maybebecauseitwassomethingtheyneverservedattherestaurant—herdadlovedpotroastandmashedpotatoes.
“I’msogladyoucameby,”hermomsaid.“What’swrong?”
“Nothing’swrong,”Mariasaid.Sheleanedagainstthecounterandtookasipofwine.“Ijustwantedtosurpriseyou.”
“Soyousay.Butsomethingmusthavehappened,”shesaid.“Younevervisitusduringtheweek.”
“That’swhyit’sasurprise.”
Carmenevaluatedherbeforecrossingovertothecounterandretrievingherownwineglass.“Isityoursister?”
“Iswhatmysister?”
“Shedidn’tgetturneddownforthescholarship,didshe?”
“Youknowaboutthat?”
Carmenmotionedtoalettertackedupontherefrigerator.“It’sexciting,isn’tit?Shetoldusaboutitlastnight.ThedirectorwillbecomingtodinnerthisSaturday.”
“Really?”
“Wewantedtomeethim,”shesaid.“Thelettersaysthatshe’soneofthesemifinalists.Butbacktoyoursister.Whathappened?Ifit’snotaboutthat,thenitmusthavesomethingtodowithaboy.She’snotintrouble,isshe?”
HermomwastalkingsofastthatevenMariahadtroublekeepingup.“Serena’sfine,asfarasIknow.”
“Ah.”Hermothernodded.“Good.It’ssomethingatyourwork,then.You’retheonehavingproblems.”
“Workis…work.Whywouldyouthinkthere’saproblem?”
“Becauseyoucamestraighthereafterwards.”
“So?”
“That’swhatyou’vealwaysdonewheneversomethingwasbotheringyou.Don’tyouremember?Evenincollege,ifyouthoughtyougotabadgrade,orwhenyouwerehavingtroublewithyourroommateyourfreshmanyear,orwheneveryoufoughtwithLuis,youalwayscamehere.Mothersrememberthosekindsofthings.”
Huh,shethought.Ineverrealizedthat.Shechangedthesubject.“Ithinkyouworrytoomuch.”
“AndIthinkIknowmydaughter.”
Mariasmiled.“How’sDad?”
“He’sbeenquietsincehegothome.Hehadtofiretwopeoplethisweek.”
“Whatdidtheydo?”
“Sameoldstuff.Oneofthedishwashersskippedacoupleofshifts,andoneofthewaiterswaslettinghisfriendseatforfree.Youknowhowitgoes.Butit’sstillhardonyourfather.Hewantstotrusteveryone,andhe’salwaysdisappointedwhenpeoplelethimdown.Itwearsonhim.Whenhegothometoday,hetookanapinsteadoftakingCopooutforawalk.”
“Maybeheneedstoseeadoctor.”
“That’swhatweweretalkingaboutwhenyoucamein.”
“Whatdoeshesay?”
“Hesayshe’llgo.Butyouknowhim.UnlessImaketheappointment,he’llnevergetaroundtoit.”
“Doyouwantmetocallforyou?”
“Wouldyoumind?”
“Ofcoursenot,”Mariaanswered.Becauseofhermom’slanguageskills,she’dbeenmakingappointmentseversinceshewasayounggirl.“It’sstillDr.Clark,right?”
Hermomnodded.“Andschedulehimforafullphysicalifyoucan.”
“He’snotgoingtolikethat.”
“No,butheneedsone.It’sbeenalmostthreeyears.”
“Heshouldn’twaitthatlong.He’sgothighbloodpressure.Andlastyear,hehadthosechestpainsandhecouldn’tworkforaweek.”
“Iknow,andyouknow,buthe’sstubbornandheinsistshisheartisfine.Maybeyoucantalksomesenseintohim.”Hermomreachedoverandopenedtheoven;satisfied,sheputonanovenmittandpulledoutthecasseroledishbeforebeginningtoloadupaplateforMaria.
“That’splenty,”shesaid,tryingtolimitthequantity.
“Youneedtoeat,”hermominsisted,continuingtopilefoodontheplatewhileMariaretrievedsomeutensils.“Let’sgositwithyourfather.”
Outsideatthetable,acitronellacandlewasburningtokeepthemosquitoesatbay.Thenightwasasperfectasherdadhadpromised,withonlytheslightestbreezeandaskyembroideredwithstars.Coposatinherfather’slap,snoringslightlywhilehishandmovedrhythmicallythroughherfur.Mariabegantocutahunkofthepotroastintosmallerpieces.
“Iheardwhathappenedtoday,”Mariastarted,initiatingastreamofconversationencompassingtherestaurant,localnews,andthelatestfamilygossip.Inanextendedfamilyliketheirs,therewasalwayssomekindofdramaworthtalkingaboutanddissecting.BythetimeMariahadfinisheddinner—nomorethanaquarteroftheplate—thecricketshadbeguntheireveningmelody.
“Youlooklikeyougotsomesunlastweekend.”
“Iwentpaddleboardingafterwehadbrunch.”
“Withyournewfriend?”hermominquired.“Theonefromthepier?”
AtMaria’sstartledexpression,hermomshrugged.“IheardyouandSerenatalking.Yoursistercanbekindofloudsometimes.”
Serenastrikesagain,Mariathought.Shehadn’twantedtobringitup,butshecouldn’tdenyitnow,couldshe?Evenherfatherappearedtohaveasuddenheightenedinterestintheconversation.
“Hisname’sColin.”Then,knowingherparentswouldpressformorebutnotwantingthemtodelvetoodeeply,shewenton.“Serenaknowshimfromherclasses,andwhensheandIhaddinneronSaturday,Colinwastendingbarthere.WegottotalkingatthepieranddecidedtomeetuponSunday.”
“He’sincollege?Howoldishe?”
“He’smyage.Hedidn’tstartcollegeuntilacoupleofyearsago.Hewantstobecomeateacher.”
“Serenasaidhewasveryhandsome,”hermothercommentedwithamischievoussmile.
Thanks,Serena.Nexttime,loweryourvoice.“Heis.”
“Andyouhadagoodtime?”
“Itwasalotoffun.”
“Whencanwemeethim?”
“Don’tyouthinkit’salittleearlyforthat?”Mariasaid.
“Itdepends.Areyougoingoutagain?”
“Uh,yes…onSaturday.”
“Thenweshouldmeethim.YoushouldinvitehimtobrunchonSunday.”
Mariaopenedhermouthandthencloseditagain.TherewasnowayherparentswerereadyforColin,especiallywhenthere’dbenochanceatescape.ThethoughtthatColinwouldanswerwhateverquestionstheyaskedwithhisusualdirectnesswasenoughtogiveherheartpalpitations.Shesmiledatherdadwithatraceofdesperation.
“Whydidhewaitsolongtogotocollege?”heasked.
Sheconsideredthebestwaytoanswerwhilestilltellingthetruth.“Hedidn’tfigureoutthathewantedtobeateacheruntilacoupleofyearsago.”
Ofherparents,herdadhadalwaysbeenbetteratreadingbetweenthelines,andshesuspectedhewouldcontinuetopressformoredetailsaboutColin’spast.Buthewasinterruptedbythefaintbutaudibleringingofacellphoneinthekitchen.
“Oh,that’sme,”shesaid,thankingGodforthereprieve.“Letmegetthat.”
Risingfromthetable,sheracedintothekitchen.Pullingherphonefromherbag,shesawColin’sname.Shefeltlikeateenagerasshepressedthebuttonandraisedthephonetoherear.
“Heythere,”shesaid,“Iwasjusttalkingaboutyou.”Shepacedthelivingroomastheytalked,catchinguponhoweachhadspenttheirday.Asinperson,hewasanattentivelistener,andwhenhesensedsomethinginhervoice,shefoundherselftellinghimabouttheincidentwithKen.Hegrewquietthen,andwhensheaskedwhetherhe’dbeinterestedinmeetingherforlunch,hesaidhe’dlovetoandaskedwhattimeheshouldpickherupattheoffice.Shesmiled,knowingthatitwouldgiveherstorymorecredencewithKen,andwassecretlythrilledattheideaofseeingColinsosoon.Whenshehungupthephone,shehadthesensethatdespitewhatherparentswouldnodoubtthink,Colinmightbejustwhatsheneededinherliferightnow.
Shereturnedtotheporch,whereherparentswerestillwaitingatthetable.
“Sorry,”shesaid,reachingforherwineglass.“ThatwasColin.”
“Andhecalledjusttosayhello?”
Marianodded.“We’regoingtolunchtomorrow.”
Assoonasthewordswereoutofhermouth,sheregrettedthem.Hermothercouldnevercomprehendwhyanyonewouldconsidergoinganywhereelsebesidesthefamilyrestaurant.
“Wonderful,”hermomsaid.“I’llmakesomethingspecialforthetwoofyou.”CHAPTER9
Colin
Really?”Evancalledout,leaningovertheporchrailasColincrossedtheyard.“Youwentrunningagain?”
Colinwasstillbreathinghardasheveeredtowardtheporch,finallyslowingtoawalk.Hepulleduphisshirttowipehisfacebeforepeeringupathisfriend.“Ididn’trunearliertoday.”
“Youworkedoutthisafternoon.Andthismorning.”
“Thatwasatthegym.”
“So?”
“It’snotthesame,”heanswered,knowingthatEvanreallydidn’tcareonewayortheother.Instead,henoddedtowardthefrontdoor.“Whyaren’tyouinsidewithLily?”
“Becausemyhousesmells.”
“Whatdoesthishavetodowithme?”
“HowaboutthefactthatIcansmellthestenchfromyourclotheswaftingupthroughtheventslikeagreen,putridfog?Insteadofheadingouttorun,youshouldhavedonealoadoflaundry.Orbetteryet,youshouldstartburningyourworkoutclothesonadailybasis.Lilyactuallythoughttherewasadeadmouseinthepantry.Orthatthesewagehadbackedup.”
Colinsmiled.“I’llgetrighttoit.”
“Hurryup.Andthenmeetmebackoverhere.Lilywantstotalktoyou.”
“Why?”
“Ihavenoidea.Shewouldn’ttellme.ButifIwastoguess,I’dsayit’saboutyourgirlfriend.”
“Idon’thaveagirlfriend.”
“Whatever.Thepointis,shewantstotalktoyou.”
“Why?
“Becauseshe’sLily,”Evansaid,soundingexasperated.“Sheprobablywantstoaskwhetheryou’vehandwrittenacardtoMariawithfancycalligraphy.Orshe’lloffertohelpyouselecttheperfectsilkscarfforMaria’sbirthday.Orshewantstomakesureyouusetherightspoonforyoursoupifyoutakehertothecountryclub.Youknowhowsheis.Butshebroughthomeanextrabag,andshewon’ttellmewhat’sinit.”
“Whynot?”
“StopaskingquestionsthatIcan’tanswer!”Evansighed.“AllIknowforsureisthateverytimeItriedtomakemymove,shetoldmethatIhadtowait.Becauseofyou.Andjustsoyouknow?I’mnothappyaboutit.Iwasreallylookingforwardtotonight.Ineededtonight.I’vehadacrappyday.”
“Okay.”
EvanscowledatColin’sanswer.“Whywasitcrappy,youask?”hesaid,mimickingColin.“Gee,thanksforasking,Colin.Iappreciateyourempathy.Youplainlycareaboutmywell-being.”Hestareddownathisfriend.“Itturnsoutthattherewasaterriblejobsreportthismorning,andthemarkettanked.AndthoughIhavenocontroloverthosethings,Iwasnonethelessonthephoneallafternoonwithupsetclients.Andthen,Igethomeandmyhousesmellslikealockerroom,andnowIhavetowaitforhertotalktoyoubeforemynightcanreallybegin.”
“Letmechangefirst.I’llbeoverinacoupleofminutes.”
“Isurelyhopenot,”LilysaidtoColin,suddenlyappearingnexttoEvanontheporch,wearingayellowsundress.Sheslidherhandintoherfiancé’sandsmiledupathimsweetly.“Youwouldn’tthinkoflettinghimcomeoverwithoutachancetoshower,wouldyou,Evan?Thepoormanispracticallysoakedthrough.Wecansurelywaitafewmoreminutes.Merelyallowinghimtochangehisclotheswouldn’tbeproper.”
WhenEvandidn’tanswer,Colinclearedhisthroat.“Shedoeshaveapoint,Evan.Itwouldn’tbeproper.”
Evanglared.“Fine.Goshower.Andstartyourlaundry.Andthencomeover.”
“Oh,don’tbesohardonhim,”Lilyscolded.“It’snothisfaultthatyouinvestedyourclients’moneyinthewrongcompanies.”
ShesecretlywinkedatColin.
“Ididn’tinvestinthewrongcompanies!Itwasn’tmyfault!Everythingwasdowntoday.”
“I’mjustteasingyou,sugar,”shedrawled.“Iknowyouhadanawfuldayandthatitwasn’tyourfault.ThatmeanoldMr.Marketjusttookadvantageofyou,didn’the?”
“You’renothelping,”Evansaid.
LilyturnedherattentiontoColinagain.
“Haveyouspokentoyourladyfriendtoday?”sheasked.
“ItalkedtoherbeforeIwentrunning.”
“DidyoubringflowerstoherofficelikeIrecommended?”
“No.”
“Candy?”
“No.”
“WhateveramIgoingtodowithyou?”
“Idon’tknow.”
ShesmiledbeforetuggingEvan’shand.“We’llseeyouinafewminutes,okay?”
Colinwatchedthemheadbackinsidebeforeenteringhisapartment.Hestrippedonhiswaytothebathroomandaddedhisclothestothelaundrypile,notingthatEvanwasright.Thepilereeked.Hestartedaloadoflaundryandhoppedintheshower.Afterward,hethrewonapairofjeansandaT-shirtbeforemakinghiswaybacktoEvan’s.
EvanandLilyweresittingbesideeachotheronthecouch.Ofthetwo,itwasclearthatLilywastheonlyonewhowashappyColinwasthere.
“Colin!I’msopleasedyoucouldjoinus,”Lilysaid,risingfromherspot,obviouslyignoringthefactthatthey’djusttalked.“Mayweofferyousomethingtodrink?”
“Water,please.”
“Evan?WillyoupleasegetColinsomewater?”
“Why?”Evanasked,leaningback,hisarmoverthetopofthecouch.“Heknowswhereitis.Hecangethisownwater.”
Lilyturnedtowardhim.“It’syourhome.Andyou’rethehost.”
“Ididn’taskhimtocomeover.Youdid.”
“Evan?”
ThewayshesaidhisnamemadeitplainthatEvanhadnochoiceinthematter.Thatandthewayshelooked,ofcourse.ShewasnotonlyfarandawaythemostbeautifulwomanEvanhadeverdated,butshewaswellversedinthewaysofusingherappearancetoheradvantage.
“Fine,”hegrumbled,risingfromthecouch.“I’llgethimaglassofwater.”
Evanslouchedofftowardthekitchen.
“Withice,please,”Colincalledout.
EvanscowledoverhisshoulderbeforeColintookaseatintheeasychairacrossfromLily.
“Howareyouthisevening?”sheasked.
“Okay.”
“AndMaria?”
Earlieronthephone,MariahadtoldhimwhathadhappenedwithherbossKenMartensonandashe’dlistened,Colinhadfoundhisjawbeginningtoclench.Thoughhe’dkepthisvoicesteady,he’dimaginedhavingalittletalkwithKen,thekindthatmadeitclearthatitwasinKen’sbestinteresttostopbotheringher.Hehadn’tsaidthattoMaria,butwhenhefoundhimselfgrindinghisteethafterhangingup,he’dthrownonhisworkoutgearandgonerunning.Itwasn’tuntilhe’dnearlyfinishedhisrunthathe’dbeguntofeelnormalagain.
Thatwasn’t,however,whatLilyhadaskedhim.
“Ispoketoherjustalittlewhileago.”
“Andshe’sdoingwell?”
Hethoughtaboutherjobsituation,butitwasn’thisplacetosharethatinformation.Itwasherlife,herstory,nothis.
“Ithinkshewasgladtohearfromme,”hesaidtruthfully.
“Youhadn’tcalledher?”
“IcalledherSundaynight.AfterItalkedtoyouandEvan.”
“Andyoudidn’tcallheroneitherMondayorTuesday?”
“Iwasworking.”
“Youcouldhavecalledonthewaytoorfromwork.Oronyourbreak.Oronyourwaytoclassorthegym.”
“Yes.”
“Butyoudidn’t.”
“No.Butwe’regoingtolunchtomorrow.”
“Really?Someplacespecial,Ihope.”
“Ihaven’treallythoughtaboutit.”
Lilydidn’tbothertohideherdisappointment.Evanreenteredtheroomwithalargeglassoficewater.HethrustitoutforColin.
“Thanks,Evan,”Colinsaid.“Youdidn’thavetodothat.Icouldhavegottenit.”
“Ha,ha,”Evanansweredashesatbackdown.Then,toLily:“Now,whatdidyouwanttotalktohimabout?”
“Wewerediscussinghislunchdatetomorrow.ColinhasinformedmethatheandMariawillbediningtogether.”
“Myadvice?Makesureyourcarstarts,”Evansaid.
Lilyglancedwithdisapprovalinhisdirection.“Myprimaryconcernhastodowithhisdatethisweekend,andIwantedtodiscussthematterwithhim.”
“Why?”Evanasked.
“Becausethefirsttrueeveningonespendswiththeotherisacriticaltimeinanyrelationship,”sheanswered,asthoughitwereobvious.“HadColinsimplyinvitedMariatodinnerorperhapstowalkthepromenadedowntown,Iwouldhavenoworriesatall.Orhadhesuggestedthatthefourofusgoouttogether,I’msurethattheconversationwouldbesoengagingthatMariawouldhaveawonderfultimeaswell.Alas,Colinisgoingtobeonhisownandhe’sbringingMariatoaclub,thoughIamcertainthatissuehasalreadybeenaddressed.”
Evanraisedhiseyebrow.Colinsaidnothing.
LilyfocusedherattentiononColinagain.“IaskedyoutovisitwithusthiseveningbecauseIwascuriousifyouhaveanyexperienceorevenfamiliaritywithsalsadancing.”
“No.”
“Then,mostlikely,whatyoualsodon’tknowisthatsalsaisapartnerdance.”
“That’swhatdancingis,”Evancutin.
Lilyignoredherfiancé.“Salsadancingcanbeveryenjoyableifthecouplepracticestogether,”sheexplained.“Butsincethat’snotpossibleinthissituation,youwillhavetodothebestyoucan,andtherearethingsyouhavetoknow.Likethewaytomoveyourfeet,orleadyourpartnerinaspin,orofferherthechancetoseparateandperformafewmovesonherown,allthewhilemakingitfeelasthoughitisanaturalpartofthedanceallalong.Ifyoudon’tdothosethings,itwillbealmostimpossibletoimpressher.”
Evanlaughed.“Whosayshewantstoimpressher?Colindoesn’tcarewhatanyonethinks—”
“Goon,”Colinsaid,cuttinghimoff.
EvanturnedtowardhiminsurprisewhileLilysatupstraighter.“I’mpleasedyouunderstandthedilemmayou’rein.WhatI’mtryingtotellyouisthatyouneedtolearnthebasics.”
Foramoment,neitherColinnorEvansaidanything.
“Andjusthowishesupposedtolearnthebasics?”Evanfinallyasked.“WeliveinWilmington.Ihighlydoubtthereareanysalsadanceinstructorswhowillcleartheirschedulesinthenextcoupleofdayssomyfriendherewon’tembarrasshimself.”
Lilyleanedover,reachingforthesmallbagthathadbeenplacednexttothecouchandpullingoutanassortmentofCDs.
“Thesearesalsaalbums,andyou’llneedtolistentothem.Icalledmyolddanceteacherandshewasmorethanhappytosendafewsamples.Nothingisveryrecent,butthat’snotimportant.Salsaismoreaboutspeedandrhythm—thebeat,sotospeak—thanmelody.Andasfortheinstructor,IwillbemorethanhappytohelpColinlearnwhatheneedstoknow.”
“Youknowhowtosalsadance?”Evanasked.
“Ofcourse,”sheanswered.“Idancedforalmosttwelveyears,andatvarioustimes,wefocusedonalternativedancing.”
“Alternative?”Evanasked.
“IgrewupinCharleston.Anythingotherthantheshagorthewaltzisconsideredalternative,”shesaid,asthoughthiswerethekindofthinganycivilizedSouthernerwouldknow.“Butreally,Evan.YouneedtoletColinaskthequestions.He’sbarelybeenabletosayasingleword.”SheturnedtoColin.“Wouldyouallowmetobeyourinstructorforthenextcoupleofdays?”
“Howmuchtimearewetalkingabout?”
“I’llshowyouafewthingstonight—thebasicstepsandmovements,turns,andhowtoleadyourpartnerthroughaspin—soyouknowwhatyou’llbeworkingon.Afterthat,we’llneedthreehourstomorrowevening,andanotherthreehoursonFridayevening.AfterIfinishworkandchange,sobeginningaroundsix.Andobviously,youshouldpracticeinyoursparetimebeforeyougethere.”
“Willthatbeenough?”
“It’snotnearlytimeenoughtobegood.Orevenaverage.Tobetrulyproficientatanyformofdancingcantakeyears.ButifyoufocusanddoexactlywhatItellyou,itjustmightbeenoughforyourdateonSaturday.”
Colintookasipofwater,notansweringrightaway.
“Don’ttellmeyou’reactuallyconsideringthis,”Evansaidtohim.
“Ofcoursehe’sconsideringit.HeknowsI’mright.”
Colinloweredtheglasstohislap.“Okay,”hesaid.“ButI’llhavetogetsomeonetocovermyshiftonFridaynight.”
“Wonderful.”Lilysmiled.
“Wait,”Evansaid,turningtoLily.“IthoughtweweregoingoutonFriday.”
“I’mverysorry,butI’mgoingtohavetocancel.Afriendneedsmyhelp,andIhonestlycan’tdecline.He’sbeensosweetaboutasking.”
“Seriously?Don’tIgetanysayinthis?”
“Ofcourseyoudo,”Lilysaid.“You’llbeherebothnights,too.Aswellastonight,obviously.”
“Here?”
“Whereelse?”
“Idon’tknow.Adancestudio,maybe?”
“Don’tbesilly.There’snoneedforthat.ButIwillneedyoutomovethefurnitureinthelivingroom.You’rerightaboutusneedingspacetowork.Andyou’llberesponsibleforthemusic,too—skippingbackorforwardwhenItellyou,startingthesongover,thingslikethat.Wereallyneedtomaximizetheuseofourtime.You’llbemylittlehelper.”
“Littlehelper?”
Shesmiledathim.“DidImentionthatsalsadancingcanreallymakeawomanfeel…sensual?Andthatthefeelingcanlastforhoursafterwards?”
Evanswallowed,staringather.“I’dbegladtohelp.”
“Youfoldedlikeacheapsuit,”Colinsaid.HeandEvanweremovingthecouchtoonesideoftheroomwhileLilywenttothebedroomtofetchtheproperpairofshoes,withjusttherightheelheight,andchangeherclothes.Lilyneverdidanythinghalfway.
“Whateverittakestohelpafriend.”
Colinsmiled.“Okay.”
“Andafterwe’redone,you’regoingtohelpmeputthefurnitureback.”
“Okay.”
“Andyou’renotgoingtoasktostaylongertopractice,either.You’reoutofherebynineo’clock.”
“Okay.”
Theysetthecouchdown.“Idon’tknowhowshetalksmeintothingslikethis.”
Colinshrugged.“IthinkIhaveaprettygoodidea.”
Oncethefurniturewasoutofthewayandthearearugrolledup,LilypulledColinintothecenteroftheroom.Evansatglumlyonthecouch,booksandalampandassortedknickknacksonthecushionbesidehim.Lilyhadchangedintotightwhitejeans,aredsilkblouse,andapairofshoesthatprobablycostmorethanColinearnedinaweek.ThoughshewasEvan’sfiancéeandColin’sfriend,Colinwasawarethatshefairlyoozedsexappeal.
“Don’tgettooclose,Colin,”Evancalledout.
“Hush,now,”Lilytoldhim,allbusiness.“YoumaybewonderingwhyIchanged,”shesaidtoColin.
“Notreally,”Colinanswered.
“Ichangedsoyoucanwatchwhatmyfeetaredoing.AsImentioned,I’mgoingtoshowyouthemostbasicstep,uponwhichmuchofsalsadancingisbased.It’soneyoucanalwaysfallbackon,nomatterwhatMariaisdoing.Doesthatmakesense?”
“Yes.”
“Beforewebegin,I’mmakingtheassumptionthatMariaknowshowtosalsadance.”
“Shetoldmesheusedtodanceallthetime.”
“Perfect.”Lilymovedbesidehim,bothofthemfacingthewindow,allowingEvanaprofileview.“Thatmeansshe’llbeabletofollowyourlead.Areyouready?”
“Yes.”
“ThenwatchmyfeetanddoexactlywhatI’mdoing,”shesaid.“Stepoutwithyourleftfoot—that’saonecount—thenshiftyourweightontothetoeofyourrightfoot—that’stwo—nowbringtheleftfootbacktoitsstartingposition—that’sthree—andpauseforabeat—that’sfour.”ShedemonstratedandColindidthesame.“Now,stepbackwithyourrightfoot—that’sfive—shiftyourweighttothetoeofyourleftfoot—six—thenbringyourrightfootforwardagaintoitsstartingposition—seven—andpauseagainforabeat.That’seight.Andyou’redone.”Again,Colinfollowedherlead.
“That’sit?”
Shenodded.“Let’sdoitagain,okay?”
Theydid.Thendiditagain.Andagainandagain,repeatingthemovementoverandoverasLilycountedfromonetoeight,andthenadozenmoretimes,andthengraduallyspeedingup,andthencontinuingwithoutcounting.Theytookabreak,thenstartedslowlyfromthebeginning,graduallyspeedingupagain.Oncehefelthewasgettingthehangofit,LilystoppedandwatchedasColincontinued.“That’sperfect,”shesaid,nodding.“Youhavethestepsnow,buttherealkeytothisisnottobesobouncy.Rightnow,you’removinglikearuffianmarchingthroughtheswamp.Youwanttobesmoother,likeablossomslowlybeginningtoopen.Keepyourshouldersatthesameheightthroughoutthesteps.”
“HowdoIdothat?”
“Usemorehips,”shesaid.“Likethis.”Assheshowedhimwhatshemeant—glidingthroughthemovements,herhipssashayingbackandforth,hershoulderslevelthroughout—Lilywasrightaboutthedancebeingsensual.Fromthecornerofhiseye,ColinnotedthatEvanwassittingupstraighterandstaringatLily,thoughshedidn’tseemtonotice.“Sonow,let’sdotheexactsamethingagain,thistimewithsomemusic,andconcentrateonbeingsmoother.”SheturnedtowardEvan.“Sugar?Wouldyoumindstartingthesongover?”
Evanshookhishead,likeamantryingtowakeupfromadream.“What?Didyousaysomething?”
Theydancedforalittlemorethantwohours.Inadditiontothebasicstep,Colinlearnedhowtoturn,andatthatpoint,theybegantodancetogether.Lilyshowedhimwheretoplacehisrighthand(onherupperback,justbelowherarm,heremindedhimself),andsheshowedhimhowtoleadherthroughthreedifferentspinsbymakingtinysignalswithhislefthand,whichrequiredhimtotakeslightlydifferentstepsbeforefallingbackintothebasicfootfallsagain.
Throughitall,sheremindedhimtoglideandusehiships,maintaineyecontact,keepinrhythmwiththebeat,stopcountingoutloud,andsmile.Itrequiredmoreconcentrationthanhe’dimagined.Afterward,theyputthefurniturebackinplaceandColinmadetoleave.LilyheldEvan’shandasColinsteppedontotheporch.
“Youdidverywelltonight,”Lilysaid.“Youhaveanaturalrhythmwhenitcomestodancing.”
“It’sabitlikeboxing,”heobserved.
“Isurelyhopenot,”shesaid,soundingalmostoffended.
Hesmiled.“Tomorrownight,right?”
“Sixo’clocksharp,”shesaid.ShehandedhimaCD.“Thisisforyou.Tomorrow,wheneveryouhaveextratimeduringtheday,Iinsistthatyoupracticeyourstepsandturnsandpretendtoleadyourpartnerthroughaspin.Concentrateonyourhandsignals,andtrytobesmooth.Itwouldbemostunproductiveifwehadtostartover.”
“Okay,”hesaid.“AndLily?”
“Yes?”
“Thankyou,”hesaid.
“You’rewelcome,Colin.”Shesmiled.“I’dberemiss,however,ifIdidn’ttaketheopportunitytoaddressanotherissuethathasrecentlycometomind.”
Colinwaitedexpectantly.
“ConcerningyourluncheondatetomorrowwithMaria,I’msureIdon’thavetoremindyouthatyou’llbemeetingherinaprofessionalsetting,whichrequiresamoreformalmannerofdress.Nor,Ihope,doIhavetoremindyouthatasmuchasyouloveyourcar,thereisnothinglessinvitingthanaclutteredinterior,oracarthatwon’tstart.AmIcorrectinmyassumptions?”
I’vetriedtofixmycarforreasonsotherthanMaria,butnowthatyoumentionit…“Yes,”heanswered.
“I’mpleased,”shesaid,nodding.“Awoman,afterall,hascertainexpectationswhenitcomestocourting.Now,asfarastheflowersgo…haveyoudecidedwhattobring?Knowingthatdifferentbouquetsmightcarrywiththemvariousassumptions?”
LilysoundedsoseriousthatitwashardforColinnottosmile.
“Whatdoyourecommend?”
Sheraisedamanicuredhandtoherchin.“Well,consideringthatthetwoofyouarestillgettingtoknoweachother,andthatit’sonlyalunchdate,abouquetofrosesisfartooformal,andlilies—whilelovely—aremuchmoresuitedtothespring.Carnations,obviously,conveynothingatallotherthanbeinganinexpensivechoice,sothatsimplywon’tdo.”
Colinnodded.“Makessensetome.”
“Perhapsasimpleautumnbouquet,then?Withamixtureofyellowsprayroses,bronzedaisies,andmaybejustastemofredhypericum?”Shenoddedthoughtfully.“Yes,thatstrikesmeasperfectforthisoccasion.You’llneedtoasktohavetheflowersarrangedinavase,obviously,soshecanplaceitinheroffice,butit’sclearlytherightchoiceforthisoccasion,don’tyouthink?”
“Withoutadoubt.”
“AndmakesuretoorderthemfromMichael’sFlorist.He’sreallyquiteanartistwhenitcomestoarrangements.Callhimfirstthinginthemorningandmentionmyname.He’llknowwhattodo.”
Evansmirked,clearlyenjoyingthisandprobablysuspectingthatColinwouldbenodifferentthanhewaswhenitcametoLilyandherrequests.AndbecauseEvanknewhimbetterthananyone,Colinfinallynodded.
“Okay.”
Inthemorning,ColinroseearlyandwaspleasedtofindthattheoldCamarostartedonthefirstturnofthekey.Heputinahardworkoutatthegym—plyometricsandbarbellwork,jumpingrope,andlongintervalsonboththeheavyandspeedbags.OnthewaybacktohisapartmenthestoppedbyaDumpsterandclearedtheclutterfromhiscar.Athome,withhismusclesstillwarmandloose,hepoppedinoneofLily’sCDsandspenthalfanhourpracticinghissalsasteps,amazedthathehadn’tforgottenanything.Hewassurprisedagainathowmuchconcentrationitrequired.
Hedownedaproteinsmoothieandshowered,thendressedindarkslacks,loafers,andabutton-downshirt,leftoversfromhiscourtroomdays.He’dputonseriousmusclesincethenandtheshirtwastootightinthechestandarms,butitwasthebesthecoulddo.Standinginfrontofthemirror,hethoughttohimselfthat,asidefromthetopbeingabitsnug,Evanmightaswellhavedressedhim.Theoutfitwasridiculous,especiallysincehe’dbeonacampuswhereshortsandflip-flopswerethenorm.ThoughheknewthatLilywouldn’thaveapproved,herolledthecuffs,exposingabitofhisforearms.Better.Morecomfortable,too.
Hisclassmateseitherdidn’tnoticeordidn’tcareabouthisdress,andhelistenedandtooknotesasalways.NoSerenaafterward,astheyonlyhadclassestogetheronMondaysandWednesdays.Withafewextraminutes,hecalledthefloristandorderedanautumnbouquet,whateverthehellthatwas.Fromtherehetrudgedofftoaclassroom-managementclass,awarethathehadn’tstoppedmovingsincethealarmhadgoneoff,hisregularroutineintatters.
Hisfinalclassofthedayendedataquartertonoon.Bythen,thesunwashigh,andwithIndiansummerhangingon,hewalkedslowlytohiscar,tryingnottosweat.HestoppedatthefloristonthewaytotheaddressMariahadgivenhim,andasiffatewastoyingwithhim,ittooktwoturnsofthekeyandabitofpedalpumpingtogettheenginegoing.Allhecoulddowaskeephisfingerscrossed.
Martenson,Hertzberg&Holdmanoccupieditsownbuilding,arelativelymodernstructureacoupleofblocksfromtheCapeFearRiverandsmack-dabinthemiddleofthehistoricdistrict,withparkingonbothsidesofthebuilding.Oneithersideandacrossthestreet,thebuildingsrantogether,oneshadeofbrickgivingwaytoanother,storefrontsdottedwithawnings.HepulledintoaspotonlyafewslotsawayfromMaria’scar,andnexttoashinyredCorvette.
Hegrabbedthevaseofflowers—rememberingLilyandherphrasecertainexpectations—andthenthoughtaboutKenandtheproblemshewascausing.Hewonderediftheguywouldbearound;hewantedtoputafacetoaname.Ashelockedhiscar,hesuddenlysawtheentiremorningasacountdowntothetimewhenhecouldfinallyseeMariaagain.
Surprisingnoonemorethanhimself,herealizedthathe’dmissedher.CHAPTER10
Maria
WithBarneyholedupinhisoffice,readyinghimselffortrial,Mariawasondoubleduty.Shespentthemorningtouchingbasewithclients,doingherbesttoensurethateachonefelttheircasewasstillapriority.Everyhalfhourorso,theirparalegal,Lynn,wouldenterwithevenmoredocumentsorformstobefiled,andthoughitwasallMariacoulddotokeepup,stayingbusyhadthebenefitofkeepingherfromfrettingaboutherlunchdate.Or,moreaccurately,howherparentsweregoingtoreactwhentheymetColin.Forstarters—andunlikeLuis—Colinwasagringo,andwhileitwasn’tthatbigofadealforpeopleinhergeneration,herparentswereprobablygoingtobesurprised.AllowingthemtomeetColinmeanttherelationshipwasgettingserious,andthey’dprobablyalwaysassumedMariawouldonlyseriouslydatesomeonewhowasMexican.Everyoneinherfamily—evenrelativesbymarriage—wasMexican,andtherewereculturaldifferences.Herfamilycelebratedeveryfamilyget-togetherwithapi?ataforthekids,listenedtomariachimusic,watchedtelenovelasobsessively,andspokeonlySpanishamongthemselves.SomeofherauntsandunclesspokenoEnglishatall.Sheknewitwouldn’tnecessarilybeaproblemforherparents,butthey’dprobablywonderwhyMariahadn’tmentionedColin’sbackground.Therestofherfamily’sopinionsaboutitwouldprobablyfallalonggenerationallines,withtheyoungerrelativesmorelikelytoshrugofftheideaasinconsequential.Still,shehadnodoubtthatitwasgoingtobeatopicofconversationamongthefamilyattherestaurant,onethatwouldprobablycontinuelongafterMariaandColinsaidgood-bye.
Thosethingsshecoulddealwith.Whatshewasn’tsureshecouldhandlewasanydiscussionconcerningColin’spast,whichsheknewwasunavoidable.Ordinaryconversationensuredit,andwhatwasgoingtohappenifeitherhermomorherdadstartedaskinghimquestionstoday?Shesupposedshecouldheadofftheanswersbystatingthattheyweresimplyfriendsandsteeringtheconversationinanotherdirection,buthowlongcouldshekeepthatup?UnlesstheirrelationshippeteredoutafterSaturday—andMariaadmittedthatshehopeditwouldn’t—Colin’spastwasgoingtocomeup.AndwhathadSerenasaidaboutthat?Idon’tevenwanttobeinthesamestatewhenyoudropthatlittlebombshell.Toherparents,itwouldn’tmatterthatshewasagrownwoman;they’dmaketheirdispleasureknown,assuringthemselvesthattheyweredoingtherightthing,sinceitwasobviousthatMariahadnoideawhatshewasgettingherselfinto.
Andthecrazythingwas,herparentswereprobablyright.
“Youhaveavisitor,”Jillsaid.
MariawashangingupwithGwen,thereceptionist,who’djustsharedthesameinformationwhenJillappearedinherdoorway,ahandbagalreadyoverhershoulder
“Ijustheard,”sheanswered,notingthatitwasaquarterpasttwelve.“Idon’tknowwherethemorningwent.ItfeelslikeIjustgothere.”
Jillsmiled.“ItakeitthatyouandColinaregoingout?”
“Yeah,aboutthat,”Mariasaid.“I’msorryIdidn’thaveachancetotellyouearlierthatIhadplans,butI’vebeenslammedallmorning.Ibarelyhadasecondtobreathe.”
“Noworries,”Jillsaid,wavingitoff.“Irememberthewholework-till-you-dropdrillwhenBarney’sgettingreadyfortrial.Actually,IwascomingbytotellyouthatIwasplanningtosurprisePaulathisofficeandmakehimtakemeout.”
“Areyousureyoudon’tmind?”
“Notaboutlunch.ButIdowishyouhadwarnedmethatColinwascomingby.IwouldhavehadPaulcomebyhere,too,sohecouldseeforhimselfwhateatingrightandworkingoutwilldoforaman.”
“Paul’sfine.”
“Easyforyoutosay.Lookatwho’swaitingforyouinthelobby.Paul,ontheotherhand,isgettingalittlesoftandhedoesn’tevencare.AndIknowhedoesn’tcare,becauseI’vebeendroppinglittleself-improvementhints.Asin,‘Putthecookiedownandhoponthetreadmill,forGod’ssake.’”
“Youdon’treallysaythat.”
“No,butIthinkit.It’sthesamething.”
Marialaughedasshegatheredherthingsandstood.“Doyouwanttowalkwithme?”
“That’swhyI’mstillwaiting.Ialsowanttoseeyourfacewhenyoufindout.”
“Findoutwhat?”
“You’llknowsoonenough.”
“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
“Comeon,”Jillsaid.“Andmakesureyouintroduceus.IwanttotellPaulallaboutit,especiallyifyourbeauflirtswithme.”
“Colin’snotreallytheflirtingtype.”
“Whocares?Thetruthis,Ijustwanttogetacloserpeekathim.Tomakesurehe’sgoodenoughforyou,ofcourse.”
“That’sverykindofyou.”
“Whatarefriendsfor?”
Astheystarteddownthehallway,Mariatookadeepbreath,feelingherworriesreassertthemselves.Thankfully,Jilldidn’tnotice,hermindclearlyelsewhere
“Holdupasecond,”shesaid.MariawatchedasJillreachedintoherhandbag.Pullingoutherlipstick,sheappliedsomebeforedroppingitbackintoherbag.
“Okay,”Jillsaid,“nowwecango.”
Mariastaredather.“Really?”
Jillwinked.“WhatcanIsay?Firstimpressionsmatter.”
Upahead,Mariawatchedastwoparalegalssuddenlyroundedthecornerfromthelobby,whisperingexcitedlytoeachotherlikeacoupleofhighschoolers.Jillnoddedtowardthem.
“NowdoyouunderstandwhatImean?Youweredefinitelyholdingoutonme.Thatisonegorgeousman.”
“He’snotthatgood-looking.”
“Uh…yeah.Heis.Nowcomeon.You’vegotadateandyoushouldn’tbelate.”
AssoonasMariaspottedColininthelobby,herstomachdidalittleflip-flop.Hewasfacingtheoppositedirection—waitingforher,sherealized—andfromthebackhecouldhavepassedforayounglawyer,albeitanexceptionallyfitonewithvisibletattoos.WhenMariaglancedtowardthereceptionist,shenotedthatGwenwastryinghardnottostareatColinwhilesheworkedthephone.
Colinmusthavesensedtheirpresence,andwhenheturned,Mariacaughtsightofalovelyassortmentofflowers;orangesandyellows,withaburstofredinthecenter.Hermouthdroppedopenslightly.
“Surprise,”Jillwhispered,butMariawastooshockedtohearit.
“Oh,”shefinallysaid.“Hi.”Beginningtoapproach,shewasonlyvaguelyawarethatJillhadremainedbehind.Upclose,hiscleanscentmingledwiththatoftheflowers.“Newclothes?”
“Freedomclothes,”heanswered.“Theyprobablykeptmeoutofprison.”
Shesmiled,amused.Andinthenextinstant,shethought,AndIcan’tbelievehisanswerdoesn’tworryme.Butshedidn’twanttothinkaboutthat.Instead,shenoddedattheflowers.“Forme?”
“Yes,”hesaid,handingthemover.“It’sanautumnbouquet.”
“They’rebeautiful.Thankyou.”
“You’rewelcome.”
“Letmeputtheminmyoffice.I’llberightbackandthenwecango.”
“Okay.”
Behindher,sheheardJillclearherthroatandsheturned.“Oh,thisismyfriendJill.She’sanattorneyhere,too.”
Jillapproachedandheofferedhishand.“Hi,Jill.”
“Hi,Colin.”Shetookhishand,herdemeanorfriendlyyetprofessional.“It’sapleasuretomeetyou.”
Leavingthemtochat,Mariahurriedbacktoheroffice,noticingthetwoparalegalswhoeyedherwithatouchofenvyasshepassedthem.Shetriedtorememberthelasttimesomeonehadboughtherflowers.AsidefromasinglerosethatLuishadgivenheronValentine’sDayafterthey’dbeendatingforayear,shecouldn’trememberasingleinstance
Settingthevaseinaprominentplaceinheroffice,shereturnedtothelobbyjustintimetocatchthetailendofJillandColin’sconversation.
Jillturned.“Ihearyou’reamuchbetterphotographerthanyouleton.Colinsaysyoutookanamazingshotofsomeporpoises?”
“He’sbeingoverlykind,”Mariasaid.“Igetluckyeverynowandthen.”
“I’dstillliketoseeit.”
“I’lle-mailit,”shesaid.Then,toColin:“Areyouready?”
Colinnodded,andaftersayinggood-byetoJill,theyheadeddowntotheparkinglot.
“Yourfriendisnice,”Colinremarked.
“She’sgreat,”Mariaagreed.“Ifitwasn’tforher,IwouldhaveeatenaloneatmydesksinceI’vebeenhere.”
“Untiltoday,”Colinsaidwithasmile.“Howarethingsatwork?”
“I’mburied,”sheadmitted.“ButI’mhopingthingswillslowdown.Mybossisgoingtobeoutoftheofficethisafternoonandtomorrow”
“Ifthat’sthecase,Iwouldn’trecommendthrowingamassivepartyandtrashingtheofficeinhisabsence.I’velearnedthatittendstoirritatepeople.”
“I’llkeepthatinmind,”shesaidasheopenedthecardoorforher.
SheslidintotheCamaro.OnceColinwasbehindthewheel,heleanedtowardher,keysinhand.“Iwasthinkingwecouldheadovertooneoftherestaurantsdowntown?We’dprobablybeabletogetatableoutsidewithagreatview.”
Ohyeah,shethought.Aboutthat.Mariafiddledwiththeseatbelt,wonderinghowbesttoexplainit.
“Itsoundswonderful,”sheventured,“andordinarily,I’dlovetogo.Butthethingis,Iwasoveratmyparents’houselastnightwhenyoucalled,andIhappenedtomentionthatweweregoingtolunch,and…”Sheexhaled,decidingtosimplycomeoutwithit.“They’reexpectingustohavelunchattherestaurant.”
Colintappedhiscarkeyontheseat.“Youwantmetomeetyourparents?”
Notreally.Notyet,anyway.But…Shewrinkledhernose,unsurehowhewouldreact,hopinghewouldn’tbeangry.“Kindof.”
Heslippedthekeysintotheignition.“Okay,”hesaid.
“Really?Itdoesn’tbotheryou?Eventhoughwejustmet?”
“No.”
“Justsoyouknow,itwouldbotheralotofguys.”
“Okay.”
“Well…good,”shesaid.
Hesaidnothingrightaway.Finally:“You’renervous.”
“Theydon’tknowyoulikeIdo.”Sheinhaledslowly,thinking,Nowforthehardpart.“Whenyoumeetthem,youhavetounderstandthatthey’reold-fashioned.Mydadhasalwaysbeenprotectiveandmymomworries,andI’mafraidthatiftheystartaskingquestions…”
Whenshetrailedoff,Colinfinishedforher.
“You’reworriedwhatI’llsaytothem.Andhowthey’llreact.”
Thoughshedidn’tanswer,shesuspectedthathealreadyknewwhatshewasthinking.
“Iwon’tlietothem,”hesaid.
“Iknow,”shesaid.That’stheproblem.“AndIwon’taskyoutolie.Idon’twantyoutolie,butitstillmakesmenervous.”
“Becauseofmypast,”hesaid.
“IwishIwouldn’thavehadtosayanythingtoyou,andI’msorry.Logically,IknowthatI’manadultandIshouldbeabletodatewhomeverIwantanditshouldn’tmatterwhattheythink.Butitdoes.BecauseIstillwanttheirapproval.Andbelieveme,Iknowhowawfulthatsounds.”
“Itdoesn’tsoundawful.Itsoundsnormal.”
“Youdon’tneedapproval.”
“EvanwouldprobablysaythatI’mnotnormal.”
Despitethetension,shelaughedbeforegettingquietagain.“Areyoumadatme?”
“No,”heanswered.
“Butyou’reprobablyoffended.”
“No,”hesaidagain.
“Whatareyoufeeling,then?”
Hedidn’tanswerrightaway.“Ifeel…flattered,”hefinallyoffered.
Sheblinked.“Flattered?Howonearthcouldyoufeelflattered?”
“It’scomplicated.”
“I’dstillliketohearit.”
Heshrugged.“Becauseyoutoldmehowyouwerefeeling,eventhoughyoususpecteditmighthurtmyfeelings.Andyoutoldthetruth.Andyoudidboththosethingsfromaplaceofvulnerabilityandconcern,becauseyouwantthemtolikeme.Becauseyoucareaboutme.That’sflattering.”
Shesmiled,halffromsurpriseandhalfbecausehewasright.“IthinkI’mgoingtogiveuptryingtopredictanythingaboutyoueveragain.”
“Okay,”hesaid.Hetwistedthekeyandtheenginerumbledtolife.Beforeheslippeditintogear,heturnedtowardher.“Sowhatdoyouwanttodo?”
“Gotolunch?Hopeforthebest?”
“Soundslikeaplan.”
LaCocinadelaFamiliawaslocatedafewblocksoffMarketStreetinanagingstripmall,buttheparkingspacesinfrontoftherestaurantwerefull.Astheyapproachedthefrontdoor,Colinstruckherasbeingascalmasever,whichonlyputMariamoreonedge.Hereachedforherhand.Sheclaspedhisinreturn,likesomeoneclutchingalifepreserveronalistingship.
“IforgottoaskwhetheryouevenlikeMexicanfood.”
“IrememberthatIusedtolikeitalot.”
“Butyoudon’teatitanymore?Becauseit’snothealthy,right?”
“Icanalwaysfindsomethingtoorder.”
Shesqueezedhishand,likingthewayitfeltinhers.“Mymomsaidshe’sgoingtomakeussomethingspecial.Whichmeansyoumightnotgetthechance.Thatsaid,Ididtellherthatyoulikedhealthyfood.”
“It’llbefine,”hesaid.
“Doyoueverworryaboutanything?”
“Itrynotto.”
“Well,whenwe’redone,you’regoingtostartgivingmelessons,allright?Becauselately,thatfeelsliketheonlythingI’mdoing.”
Hepulledopenthedoorandsheledthewayinside.HeruncleTitoimmediatelyapproached,obviouslyexcitedshewashere,ramblinginSpanish.Aftergreetingherwithakiss,heshookColin’shandandreachedforthemenusbeforeleadingthemtoaboothinthecorner.Itwastheonlyopentableintheplace,whichmeantthatherparentsmusthavebeensavingit.
Oncetheywereseated,hercousinAnnabroughtglassesofwaterandabasketofchipsandsalsatothetable.MariachattedwithherbrieflyandintroducedColinasecondtime.WhenAnnaleft,Marialeanedacrossthetable.
“I’msorry,”shesaid.“Idon’tcomeinasmuchasIshould.They’reprobablyasexcitedasmyparents.”
“Howmanyofyourrelativesworkhere?”
“Rightnow?”Shemadeaquickscanoftheplace,spottinganotheruncleatthebarandacoupleofauntswaitingontables.“I’dguessthere’sprobablysixorso.ButI’dhavetoaskmyparentstobesure.”
Hesurveyedtherestaurant.“It’sbusyinhere.”
“Italwaysis.Overtheyears,we’vehadtoexpandtherestaurantthreetimes.Whenitfirststarted,therewereonlyeighttables.”Assheanswered,shesawherparentsemergefromthekitchenandshesatupstraighter.“Okay,they’recoming.Myparents,Imean.”
Whenherparentsreachedthetable,shekissedhermother,thenherfather,allthewhilehopingtheywouldn’tmakeaspectacle.“ThisismyfriendColin,”shesaid.“Thesearemyparents,FelixandCarmen.”
“Hi,”FelixandCarmensaid,almostinunison,bothofthemplainlygivinghimtheonce-over.
“It’sapleasuretomeetyouboth,”hesaid.
“Mariasaysyou’reastudent?”Felixsaid,jumpingrightin.“Andthatyouworkasabartender?”
“Yes,”Colinresponded.“Serena’sactuallyinacoupleofmyclasses.IworkatCrabbyPete’s,downbythebeach.”Then,nodoubtthinkingofMaria’sworriesandnotwantingtogetdrawnintoalongconversationabouthispast,hemotionedaroundtherestaurant.“Thisisanincrediblebusinessyou’vebuilt.Howlonghasitbeenaround?”
“Thirty-oneyears,”Felixanswered,atraceofprideinhisvoice.
“Mariasaidyou’vehadtoexpandovertheyears.That’simpressive.”
“We’vebeenblessed,”Felixagreed.“Haveyoueatenherebefore?”
“No,”Colinadmitted.“ButMariasaysyourwifeisanamazingchef.”
Felixstoodalittlestraighter.“Sheisthebest,”hesaid,glancingoveratCarmen.“Ofcourse,becauseofthat,shesometimesbelievesthatsheistheboss.”
“Iamtheboss,”CarmensaidinsomewhatbrokenEnglish.
Colinsmiled,andaftermoresmalltalk,Mariawatchedasherdadreachedforhermom’sarm.
“Let’sgo.Weshouldletthemvisit,”Felixsaid.
Aftersayinggood-bye,Mariawatchedherparentsstartbacktowardthekitchen.
“Youknowthey’reintheretalkingaboutyourightnowwithTitoandAnnaandalltherestofthem.AsidefromLuis,you’retheonlyguyI’veeverbroughthere.”
“I’mhonored,”hesaid,andshehadafeelingheactuallymeantit.
“Itwasn’tasbadasIthoughtitwouldbe,”sheadded.
“They’regraciouspeople.”
“Yes,butI’mstilltheirdaughter.Andtheydidn’taskanyhardquestions.”
“Maybetheywon’t.”
“Oh,theywilleventually.Unless,ofcourse,weneverseeeachotheragain.”
“Isthatwhatyouwant?”
Mariadroppedhereyesforamoment.“No,”shesaid.“I’mgladwe’rehere.AndI’mhappywe’llbespendingsometimetogetherthisweekend.”
“Whichmeans?”
“Thatthenexttimewe’realltogether—assumingtherewillbeanexttime—I’mgoingtobeevenmorenervous.”
Minuteslater,CarmenandtwoofMaria’scousinsbeganferryingfoodtothetable:platesoftacos,burritos,molepoblano,andenchiladas;tamales,carneasada,chilerelleno,tilapiaVeracruz,andabowlofsalad.Ashermombeganplacingthedishesonthetable,Mariawavedherhands.
“Mom—thisiswaytoomuch,”Mariaprotested.EvenColinappearedtobesurprisedasalltheplatesbegantoarrive.
“Eatwhatyouwant,”CarmenansweredinSpanish.“We’llbringtherestofittothebackandsetitout.Peoplewillfinishit.”
“But…”
CarmenglancedatColin,thenbacktoMaria.“Yoursisterwasright.He’sveryhandsome.”
“Mom!”
“What?Hedoesn’tunderstandme.”
“That’snotthepoint!”
“It’sjustgoodtoseeyouhappy.YourdadandIhavebeenworried.Allyoueverdoiswork.”ShesmiledbeforehergazereturnedtoColin.“Colin?IsthatanIrishname?”
“Ihavenoidea.”
“IsheCatholic?”
“Ihaven’taskedhim.”
“Whatdoyoutalkabout?”
Youhavenoidea,Mariathought.Andyoudon’twanttoknow.“It’snotpolitetotalkinfrontofhimlikethis,youknow.”
“Ofcourse,”hermomsaid,squeezingthelastplatebetweentheirwaterglasses.“You’reabsolutelyright.”SwitchingtoEnglish,shesmiledatColin.“Please…enjoy,”sheoffered.
“Thankyou.Wewill.”
Amomentlater,theywerealone,mountainsoffoodspreadbeforethem.
“Itsmellsdelicious,”Colinsaid.
“Areyoukidding?Thisisridiculous!Whoonearthcouldeatthismuchfood?”
“Yousoundupset.”
“OfcourseI’mupset.Weshouldhavebeenabletoorderoffthemenu,butinstead,mymomhadtodoherthing.”
“What’sherthing?”
“I’mstilltryingtofigureitout.Toimpressyou?Tomakesureyoufeelwelcome?”
“Thosearegoodthings.”
“Iknow,butshetendstooverdoit.”
ShewatchedasColin’sgazemovedfromoneplatetothenext,andshepointedatthetilapia.“Ithinkmymommadethisonespecialforyou.It’sjustbakedfish,withtomatoes,olives,andraisins.Goaheadandserveup.”
Hetookacoupleoffiletsandaddedsomesaladtohisplate;shealsotookoneofthefiletsandsalad,butaddedhalfanenchilada.Therestremaineduntouched.WhenColintastedthefish,hetappedhisforkagainsthisplate.
“Thisisunbelievable,”hesaid.“Nowondershe’stheboss.”
“Sheisgood.”
“Canyoucooklikethis?”
Sheshookherhead.“Iwish.I’mnotnearlyasgoodasmymom,butIstartedinthekitchenandIlearnedthebasicsonhowtomakeeverything.Ienjoyedit,too,butafterawhile,myparentsthoughtitwouldbebetterifIlearnedtowaittables.Theythoughtthatbeingforcedtotalktostrangerswouldhelpmeovercomemyshyness.”
“Againwiththeshy?”
“Obviously,inyourestimation,itworked.Andifyou’recurious,I’manexcellentwaitress.”
Helaughed,andforthenexthourtheybouncedfromonesubjecttoanother—theirfavoritemoviesandtheplacestheyonedaywantedtovisit;hetoldherabitmoreabouthisfamilyandshedidthesame.Whenevershespoke,helistenedwithquietconcentration,hiseyesneverleavinghers.Theconversationwaseasyandunforced,butthroughitall,shecouldn’thelpfeelingthatheactuallycaredabouteverythingshewassaying.Despiteherfamily’spresenceandtheconversationsdriftingfromothertables,theirlunchtogetherfeltstrangelyintimate.Bythetimeherparentsdroppedbytheirtableasecondtime—anddespitehermother’sdisappointmentathowlittleeitherofthemhadeaten—Mariafeltstrangelyrelaxedandcontent.
Afteraseriesofwarmgood-byes,theydrovebacktotheoffice,theoldCamaroplayingalongperfectly.There,Colinwalkedhertotheentryway,andwhenheslippedhishandintohersasecondtime,allshecouldthinkwashowutterlynaturalitfelt.Attheentrance,shefelthimtuggently,willinghertostop.
“WhattimeonSaturday?”sheasked,turningtohim.
“Ihaveatrainingsessionatfourthatendsatsix,sohowaboutIpickyouupatyourplacearoundseventhirty?We’llhavedinnerfirst,andthenheadout?”
“Soundsgreat,”shesaid.“Whatkindoftrainingsession?”
“Strikingandgroundwork,”hesaid.“Groundworkislikewrestling.”
“Cananyonewatch?”
“Iguessso,”hesaid.“I’msurethegymownerwouldn’tmind,butI’dhavetoask.”
“Wouldyou?”
“Why?Doyouwanttocome?”
“Sincewe’regoingdancing,Imightaswellwatchyoudoingsomethingyouenjoy,too.”
Hedidn’thidehissurprise.“Okay,”hesaid.“ButI’llhavetoheadhometocleanupbeforewegoout,soisitokayifyoumeetmeatthegym?”Whenshenodded,hegaveherthenameofthegym,andshejottedherhomeaddressonthebackofherbusinesscard.
Heslippedhercardintohispocketandbeforesheevenrealizedwhatwashappening,hewasleaningin,hislipsmeetinghers.Thekisswasgentle,andthoughitwasn’taselectrifyingastheirkissofthepreviousSunday,therewassomethingwarmandreassuringaboutit.Suddenlyitdidn’tmatterwhatherparentsmightthink.Hereandnow,Colinwastheonlythingthatmattered,andwhenhepulledback,shefoundherselfwishingthatithadlastedalittlelonger.Inthatinstant,however,shesawmovementinherperipheralvision,andwhenshefocusedonit,sheregisteredthatKenhadroundedthecorner—nodoubtafterparkingontheothersideofthebuilding—andwasstandingmotionless,watchingthemfromadistance.ShefeltherselfstiffenandColinfollowedhergaze.
“Isthathim?”heasked,hisvoicelow.“Ken?”
“Yes,”shesaid,andshewatchedashisexpressionsuddenlywenthard.Hedidn’tseparatefromher,buthisattentionzeroedinonKen.Thoughhedidn’tsqueezeherhand,shecouldfeelthetensioninit,acoiled,deep-seatedviolenceheldincheckbyathread.Shewasn’tafraid,butshehadthesuddencertaintythatupclose,Kendefinitelywouldbe.
Kencontinuedtowatchthem.Itwasastandoffofsorts,andstillColincontinuedtostare,turningtofaceheragainonlyafterKenturnedaway.Hekissedheragain,thistimewithatraceofpossessiveness,beforepullingback.
“Don’tlethimbotheryou.He’snotworthit,”shesaid.
“He’sbotheringyou.”
“I’llbefine.”
“Istilldon’tlikehim.”
“Isthatwhyyoukissedmeagain?”
“No.”
“Thenwhydidyoudoit?”
“Ilikeyou,”heanswered.
Hiscomment—sodirect,soobviouslytruthful—madeherstomachdothatridiculousflip-flopagain,anditwasallshecoulddonottogrinlikeafool.
“WhatareyoudoingtonightandFriday?”
“IhaveplanswithEvanandLily.”
“Bothnights?”
“Yes.”
“Whatareyoudoing?”
“Idon’twanttotellyou.”
“Why?”
“Idon’twanttotellyouthat,either.”
Shesqueezedhishandbeforelettinggo.“Iknowyou’retellingthetruth,butyou’renotreallysayinganything.ShouldIbeworried?Areyougoingoutwithsomeoneelse?”
“No,”hesaid,shakinghishead.“There’snothingtoworryabout.Ihadagreattimeatlunchtoday.Ienjoyedmeetingyourparents.”
Shepeeredupathim.“I’mglad.”
Hesmiledthenbeforefinallytakingastepbackward.“It’sprobablytimeforyoutogobacktowork.”
“Iknow.”
“Ishestillwatchingus?”
Shepeekedpasthimandshookherhead.“Ithinkhewentaroundtothebackentrance.”
“Willhebebotheredbywhathesaw?”
Shethoughtaboutit.“Probably.Butnowheknowsyouactuallyexist,andthat’sagoodthing.Ifhebothersmeagain,I’lljusthintthatyou’rethejealoustype.”
“I’mnot,”hesaid.Hisblue-grayeyeswereintense,yetgentle.“ButIstilldon’tlikehim.”CHAPTER11
Colin
OnSaturdaymorning,Colinroseearlyandwentforabikeridejustasthesunwascomingup.Hisbike—arustingbeaterthathe’dpickedupatapawnshopforalmostnothing—wasatleastadecadeold,butitdidthejob,andhewasabletoworkupaserioussweatbeforeheevenreachedthegym.There,hespentanhourinacross-trainingclassslammingheavyropes,pushingweightedsleds,throwingmedicineballs,anddoingavarietyofotherexercises,thenstaggeredbacktohisbikefortheridehome.Hemowedthelawnandtrimmedthebushes,reflectingthatthoughhe’dbeenpreoccupiedbythoughtsofMariasincethey’dfirstmet,thosethoughtsdidn’tcomparetothealmostobsessivewayhedwelledonhernow.EvenEvanhadnoticed;earlier,whenhe’dsteppedoutontotheporch,he’dbeenwearingasmirkthatletColinknowhewasfullyawareoftheeffectthatMariawashavingonhim.EvanhimselfhadbeenebullientonbothThursdayandFridaynights,andColinsuspectedthatitmighthavehadsomethingtodowiththewholesalsadancingissensualthing,butitwasn’thisplacetoask.
Lily,too,hadnoticedthatColinhaddevelopedfeelingsforMaria,butremainedfocusedonhisdancinglessons.However,she’drecommendedarestaurantdowntown,remindinghimtwicetomakereservations.She’dtaughthimmoreaboutdancingthanhethoughtpossible,buthestillwasn’tentirelyconfidentinhisabilities.Hedidn’twanttoimaginehowunpreparedhewouldhavebeenhadshenotintervened.
Aftercompletinghischores,Colinsippedonhissecondproteindrinkofthedaywhilehestraighteneduptheapartment,thenbeganworkingonapaperforhisclassroom-managementclass.Itwasonlyfivepages,buthewastoodistractedtodomuchmorethanputtogetheranoutlinebeforehefinallycalleditquits.
Changingbackintohisworkoutclothes,hegrabbedhisgymbagandheadedoutthedoor.Thoughithadbeenperforminglikeachamprecently,todaytheenginecoughedandcoughed,finallysputteringreluctantlytolife,meaningthattheproblemwasneithertheignitionswitchnorthealternator.Heshouldhavebeenpreoccupiedwithfindingasolution,butinsteadhefoundhimselfconjuringupMaria’simage,strangelyanxiousthattheirdategosmoothly.He’dcalledherafterworkonThursdayandFridayandthey’dtalkedformorethananhoureachnight,whichwasanewexperienceforhim.Hecouldn’tremembertalkingtoanyoneonthephonethatlong—ever.UntilMaria,hecouldn’timaginehowanyonesustainedsuchalengthyconversation.ButMariamadeiteasy,andmorethanonce,hefoundhimselfsmilingatwhateveritwasshewassaying.ShementionedthatKenhadbeenkeepinghisdistance,andwhensherecountedtheblinddateshe’dbeenonthenighthe’dchangedhertire,he’dlaughedaloud.Afterhehungupthephone,he’dfounditdifficulttofallasleep.Ordinarily,hecollapsedinbedattheendoftheday,unabletokeephiseyesopen.
Forthefirsttimeinalongwhile,heconsideredcallinghisparents.Hewasn’tsurewhytheurgestruckhim,butheassumedithadsomethingtodowiththewayMariatalkedaboutherparentsandhowwelltheygotalong.Hewonderedhowdifferenthislifemighthavebeenhadhebeenbroughtupinafamilylikehers.Itmightnothavebeenanydifferent,ofcourse—he’dbeenahandfulevenbeforehecouldwalk—butiffamilydynamicsplayedevenasmallrole,thenhislifehadtakenadirectionthatwasn’tentirelyofhismaking.Andthoughhewassatisfiedwithhiscurrentpath,theroadhaduntilrecentlybeenlitteredwithpotholesandboulders.ThatMariawasabletolookpastthosethings,consideringherownrespectablehistory,wasstillsomethingofasurprise,thoughasurpriseoftheverybestkind.
Pullingupatthegym,hespottedMariastandingoutfront.ShewasdressedinshortsandaT-shirt,andhethoughtagainthatshewasoneofthemostbeautifulwomenhe’devermet.
“Heythere,”shesaidasheapproached.“Youreadytobeatsomepeopleup?”
“It’sonlypractice.”
“You’resureIcangoinsidetowatch?”
Hereachedforthedoor,nodding.“Italkedtotheownerthismorningandhewasfinewithit.Andunlessyoudecidetogointhecage,hepromisedhewouldn’tevenmakeyousignawaiver.”
“You’requitethenegotiator.”
“Itry,”hesaid.Heheldthedooropen,eyeingherfigureassheslidpasthim.Hewatchedasshesurveyedhersurroundings.Unlikemanycommercialgyms,thisplacehadmoreofawarehousefeel.Theywalkedpastassortedracksofweightsandothercross-trainingequipment,towardthetrainingroomatthefarendofthebuilding.Passingthroughanotherdoor,heledthewayintoaroomyspacewithpaddedwallsandlargemats,equipmentpiledineverycorner;overtotheleftwasthecage.AfewofColin’strainingpartnerswerestretchingorotherwisewarmingup,andhenoddedtowardthemashesetdownhisbag.Mariawrinkledhernose.
“Itsmellsbackhere.”
“It’sonlygoingtogetworse,”hepromised.
“WhereshouldIsit?”
Colingesturedatabunchofequipmentinthecorner:cratesofboxinggloves,assortedpads,variouselastics,jumpropes,andplyometricboxes.
“Youcansitoverthereontheboxesifyou’dlike,”hesaid.“Wedon’tnormallyusethatpartoftheroom.”
“Wherewillyoube?”
“Allover,mostlikely,”hesaid.
“Howmanyguyswillbehere?”
“Eightornine,maybe?Saturdaysarealwaysalittleslow.Duringtheweek,therearefifteenorsixteenofus.”
“Inotherwords,onlythesupremelydedicatedarehere?”
“It’smoreliketheworkoutnuts,orguyswhoarejuststartingoutandtryingtohiteveryworkouttheycan.OnSaturdays,alotoftheseriousonesareoutoftownatevents.”
“That’sgood.Sincewe’regoingout,Imean.I’dhateforyoutoendupallcutandbruisedlikeyouwerethefirstnightIsawyou.”
“Areyouevergoingtoletthatgo?”
“Idon’tthinkIcan,”shesaid,standingontiptoetokisshimonthecheek.“Theimageisburnedintomybrainforever.”
Colindidaquickwarm-up;armrollsandlegswings,afewminutesofjumpingrope.Bythen,ToddDaly,themaininstructorandaretiredUFCfighter,andJaredMoore,whowasfightingprofessionallybutnotquiteatUFClevel,hadarrived,andDalyledtheentiregroupthroughmorewarm-ups.
Whileawaitinghisturninthecage,Colinworkedonhisgroundskills:armbarsandleglocks,varioussubmissionholds.Mostoftheskillshadtheirrootsinthemartialartsandwrestling,withspeed,instinct,andbalancebeingfarmoreimportantthanbrutestrength.AswasusualduringSaturdayclasses,Dalydemonstratedthemovesfirst—occasionallyusingColinasapartner—beforethegroupsplitintwo.Eachgroupwasgivenachancetopracticethemove,repeatingittenortwelvetimesbeforeswitchingpositionswiththeirpartners.Theywouldthenmoveontoadifferentsetofskills.Withintenminutes,Colinwasbreathinghard;bythehalf-hourmark,hisshirtwasdrenched.Throughitall,Dalycritiquedthem—tellingthemwheretoplaceafootforadditionalleverage,orhowtowrapmoreeffectivelywiththelegs,thesubtlevariationsendless.
Onebyone,peoplerotatedthroughthecage,andafteranhour,itwasColin’sturn.HeputonheadgearandheavierglovesandworkedwithapartnerwhileMoore—aformerGoldenGloveschampfromOrlando—shoutedcoachingtips.Colinwentthroughseventwo-minuterounds,bouncingandcircling,takingadvantageofopeningstostrikeorkickwhiletryingtoavoidleavinganyopenshots.Hedominated,butlessbecauseofhisownskillthanhisopponent’slacktherof:Theguyhefacedwasoutofshapeandrelativelynew,withonlyasinglefightbehindhim,whichhe’dlost.
Fromthere,itwasbacktothematsagain,wheretheyworkedontakedownswhiletheirpartner’sbackwasagainstthewall;then,switchingpositions,theytriedtopreventtakedowns.Bytheendofclass,Colin’smusclesweretwitchingwithexhaustion.
Throughouttheafternoon,hefoundhiseyesdriftingtowardMaria.He’dexpectedhertobebored,buthergazefollowedhimtheentiretime,makingthesessionharderthanusual.Ordinarily,focusingexclusivelyonhisopponentwaseasy,butherpresencemadehimself-consciousinawayhe’dneverexperienced.Inamatch,thislackoffocuswouldlandhimintrouble.Bytheendofclasshefeltlikehe’dtakentwostepsbackmentally,andheknewhe’dhavetoworkhardtoregainground.Itwas,afterall,asportthatwasequalpartsmentalandphysical,evenifmostpeopledidn’trealizeit.
Afterward,hewentstraighttohisbagandtossedinhisgearbeforeloopingitoverhisshoulder.Bythen,Mariahadwalkedup.
“Whatdidyouthink?”heasked,adjustingthestrap.
“Itlookedhard.Andtiring.Andsweaty.”
“That’saboutit,whenyougetrightdowntoit.”
“Howdoyouthinkitwent?”
“Okay,”hesaid.“Igotdistracted.”
“Byme?”
“Yes.”
“I’msorry.”
“Don’tbe.”Hesmiledbeforetuggingathisshirt.“Couldyougivemeafewminutestorinseoffandchange?IneedtogetoutofthesethingsormycarseatwillbesoakedbythetimeIgethome.”
Mariawrinkledhernose.“That’s…kindofgrosstothinkabout.”
“Isthatayesorano?”
“Byallmeans,”shesaid.“I’llwaitoutfrontforyou.”
WhenColinfinallyexitedthelockerroom,hespottedMariajustoutsidethedoors,talkingonthephone.Inhersunglasses,sheresembledaglamorousfifties-eramoviestar.Shehungupjustasheapproached.
“ThatwasSerena.”
“Issheallright?”
“She’shavingdinneratthehousetonightwiththedirectorofsomescholarshipthing,soshe’sabitnervous,butotherthanthat,she’sokay.”Sheshrugged.“Doyoufeelbetter?”
“Ifeelcleaner.Temporarily,anyway.I’mstillsweating.”
Shetouchedhisarm.“I’mgladIcame.ItwasalotmoreinterestingthanIthoughtitwouldbe.”
“Arewestillonforseventhirty?”
“Ihopeso,”shesaid.“Andjusttowarnyou,whenwegodancing,Imightbealittlerusty.”
“Iwouldn’tworry.It’llbemyfirsttimeever.AndMaria?”
“Yes?”
“Thanksforcomingtoday.Itmeantalottome.”
AssoonasColingotoutofhiscar,Evansteppedontotheporchholdingaplasticshoppingbag.
“Here,”hesaid,holdingthebagout.“Thisisforyou.Andyouowemesomemoney.”
Colinstoppedinfrontoftheporch.“Forwhat?”
“Lilythoughtyoumightneedsomethingtoweartonight.”
“Ihaveclothes.”
“Don’tblameme.Isaidexactlythesamethingtoher.Butshe’sLily,andshedraggedmethroughthestoresanyway,andlikeIsaid,youowemesomemoney.Thereceiptisinthebag.”
“Whatdidshebuy?”
“It’sactuallynotasbadasitcouldhavebeen.Ihadvisionsofherselectingsomethingwithtasselsorbellsorwhatever,butshedidn’t.It’sblackslacks,aredbutton-downshirt,andblackshoes.”
“Howdidsheknowmysize?”
“BecausesheboughtyouclotheslastChristmas.”
“Andsheremembered?”
“She’sLily.Sheremembersthingslikethat.Andwouldyoutakethebag,please?Myarmisgettingtired.”
Colinreacheduptotakeit.“What’sgoingtohappenifIdon’twearthem?”
“Forstarters,youstillhavetopayme.Then,you’llalsohurtherfeelings,whichisthelastthingyoushoulddoafterallthedancelessons.And,ofcourse,you’llhavetoexplaintoLilywhyyou’renotwearingthem.”
“HowwillsheknowwhetherIwearthemornot?”
“Becauseshe’shere.Andsheinsiststhatyoudropbybeforeyougoout.Shewantstotalktoyou.”
Atabitofaloss,Colinsaidnothing.
“Justwearthedamnclothes,allright?”
WhenColinstilldidn’trespond,Evansquintedslightly.“Youoweme.”
Colinstoodinfrontofthebathroommirror,acknowledgingthatitcouldhavebeenalotworse.Theshirtwasactuallymoreburgundythanred,andthoughitwasn’tsomethinghewouldhavepickedoutforhimself,itwasn’thalfbad,especiallywiththesleevesrolledup.He’dbeenplanningallalongtowearblackslacks—moreleftoversfromhiscourtroomdays—andtheshoeswerealotliketheoneshealreadyowned,withoutthescuffs,whichmeanthe’dprobablyneededanewpairanyway.HowLilyhadknownwasbeyondhim,buthe’dlongsincegivenupbeingsurprisedbyanythingshedid.
Inthekitchen,hescribbledoutachecktoEvan,grabbedhiskeys,andturnedoffhislightsonthewayoutthedoor.Roundingthehouse,hewentupthesteps,notingthatthedoorhadbeenleftajar.Pushingitopen,hesawLilyandEvaninthekitchen,eachholdingaglassofwine.Lilysetherglassonthecounterwithasmile.
“Well,aren’tyouhandsome?”shedeclaredassheapproached.Sheleanedinandkissedhimonthecheek.“Thecolorisperfectonyou,andI’mcertainthatMariawillfindyouquitedashing.”
“Thankyou,”Colinsaid.
“Itwasmypleasure.AndI’mhopefulthatyouremembereverythingwepracticed.Iassumeyouwentthroughthestepstoday?”
“Nottoday.”
“Whatonearthdidyoudo?”
“Iwenttothegym.”
“Ofcourseyoudid,”shesaid,nothidingherdisappointment.“Youreallyneedtolearntoprioritize,andIsimplycan’tletyougountilIknowforcertainthatyouretainedeverythingyouneedtoknow.”
“I’msureI’llbefine.AndI’msupposedtopickherupinafewminutes.”
“Thenwe’llhavetomakeitquick.Evan?”shecalledout.“Willyoupleaseputonsomemusic?”
“Sure,”hesaid.Grabbinghisphone,hetappedafewbuttonsashewalkedover.“Ijusthappentohaveasongrighthere.”
Obviously,Lilyhadbeenplanningthisallalong.ShereachedforColin’shand.“Justrunmethroughabitofeverything,okay?Atfullspeed.”
ColincompliedbeforefinallyseparatingfromLily.“Goodenough?”
“You’regoingtodazzleher.”Lilywinked.“Justlikeyoudidwiththeflowers.”
“Andyouknowwhatelsewilldazzleher?”Evanasked.WhenColinturnedtowardhim,heknewthatEvan’sthoughtshadtakenaseriousturn.“Firstyourcarstarts,andthenyoudon’tendupgettingarrested.”
ColinhadbarelyfinishedknockingwhenMariapulledthedooropen.Foralongmoment,allhecoulddowasstare.Herblousehuggedhercurvesandherskirtreachedonlytomidthigh;herstrappyhighheelsmadehernearlyastallashewas.Withatouchofmascaraandlipstick,shelookednothingliketheprofessionalhe’dgonetolunchwithonlyacoupleofdaysearlier,nordidsheresemblethesun-kissedwomanonthepaddleboard.Ashestoodbeforeher,hewasn’tsurewhichversionofherhemostpreferred,thoughthisone,hehadtoadmit,wasprettystunning.
“You’rerightontime,”shesaid,givinghimakissonthecheek.“I’mimpressed.”
Hishandsautomaticallywenttoherhips.“Youlookbeautiful,”hemurmured.Upclose,hecaughtawhiffofperfume,somethingfloralandunderstated.Perfect
“Thankyou,”shesaid.Shepattedhischest.“Iliketheshirt.”
“It’snew.”
“Yeah?Fortonight?”
“Youcouldsaythat.”
“Ifeelspecial,”shesaid.“And,Ihavetosay,youcleanupprettywell.”
“Sometimes,”headmitted.“Areyoureadytogo?”
“Justletmegrabmypurse,andthenI’mready.Wherearewegoing?”
“ThePilotHouse.”
“Wow…Ilovethatplace.Thefoodisfabulous.”
“SoI’veheard.Lilyrecommendedit.”
“Thensheobviouslyhasgoodtaste.”
Therestaurantwasn’tfar,butColindroveataleisurelyspeedwiththewindowsrolleddown,bothofthemenjoyingtheflickeringstarsthatspreadtothehorizonandabreezejuststrongenoughtoerasethelingeringheatoftheday.
Neartheriver,ColinleftMarketStreet,eventuallypullingintotherestaurant’slot.WalkingaroundthecartoopenMaria’sdoor,hereachedforherhandandescortedhertotheentrance.Onceinside,hewassurprisedtonotethatitwaslessformalthanhe’dexpected—aclean,unpretentiousplacewithwhitetablesandamillion-dollarview.Therestaurantwascrowded,peopleclusteringnearthebarwhiletheywaitedforindoorandoutdoortables.Aftercheckinginwiththehostess,hefollowedherandMariatoacornertablewithabreathtakingviewoftheCapeFearRiver.Moonlightspilledovertheslow-movingsurface,formingaliquidveinoflightbetweencoal-darkbanks.AsMariastaredtowardthewater,Colinmentallytracedthegracefuloutlinesofherprofile,watchingherhaircatchinthebreeze.Howhadshecometomeansomuchtohimsoquickly?
Asifsensinghisthoughts,shemethisgazeandsmiledslightlybeforestretchingherhandsacrossthetable.Hetooktheminhis,marvelingattheirsoftnessandwarmth.
“It’sagorgeousnight,don’tyouthink?”sheasked.
“Gorgeous,”heanswered,butheknewthathewasreallyreferringtoher.Sittingacrossfromher,Colinhadthestrangefeelingthathewaslivingsomeoneelse’sblessedlife,someonemoredeservingthanhe.Andbytheendofdinner,afterallthedisheshadbeenclearedandthewineglassesemptiedandthecandleswereflickeringout,itdawnedonhimthathe’dspenthisentirelifesearchingforMaria,andonlyrecentlybeenluckyenoughtofindher.CHAPTER12
Maria
Thewarehousewaslocatedinarun-downneighborhoodontheoutskirtsoftown,andtheonlyhintthatitservedadifferentpurposethananyoftheotherabandonedwarehousesnearbywasthescoresofcarsparkedhaphazardlyonthefarsideofthebuilding,outofsightfromthemainroad.
Notthatitssketchyvibeseemedtomatter.Inadditiontothecrowdalreadyinside,therewasalonglineofpeople—almostexclusivelymale—stillwaitingtogetin.Manyweredraggingcoolers,nodoubtfilledwithalcohol;othersdrankbeerorsippedfromplasticcupsastheyslowlyedgedtowardtheentranceandthemusicblaringwithin.Unlesstheywerewithadate,girlsdidn’thavetowaitinline,andMariawatchedasonegroupafterthenextcheerfullymarchedtowardthedoorintighttops,shortskirts,andstilettoheels,ignoringthelitter-strewnsurroundings,whistles,andcatcalls.
Colinappearedrelaxed,takingitallinquietly.Whentheyreachedthedoor,theyweremetbyaheavysetmaninsunglasseswhowascollectingthecovercharge.ThebouncerstudiedColinupanddown—nodoubttryingtodecidewhetherhewaswithlawenforcement—thendidthesametoMariabeforereluctantlytakingthebillsColinwasofferingandnoddingtowardthedoor.
Inside,theyencounteredasolidmassofswayingbodies,andwiththeboomingmusic,theplaceshookwithavibrant,barelycontainedenergy.Nooneseemedtocareabouttheoil-stainedconcretefloororthelackofdécorortheindustrial-gradelighting;guyswereclusteredaroundtheircoolers,drinkingandshoutingtobeheardabovethemusic,tryingtogettheattentionofanygirlwhohappenedtopassby.Likeatmostnightclubs,menclearlyoutnumberedwomen,andmostappearedtobeintheirtwentiesorthirties.MariapresumedthatthevastmajoritywereworkingpeopleoutforafunSaturdaynight.Therewere,asSerenahadnoted,someprettyscary-lookingguyshere,too,withtattoosandbandannasrepresentingvariousgangsandwearingbaggypantsthatcouldeasilyconcealaweapon.Ordinarilythatwouldhavemadehernervous,buttheatmosphereindicatedthatmostpeopleweresimplyfocusedonhavingagoodtime.Allthesame,shefoundherselfscoutingoutpossibleexitsincasetroublebrokeout.
Besideher,Colinwasalsotakinginthescene.Heleanedtowardherear.“Wouldyouliketomoveclosertothemusic?”
Shenodded,andColinbeganleadingherdeeperintothewarehouse.Theysqueezedthroughthecrowd,carefulnottobumptoohardintoanyone,andinchedtheirwaytothedanceareaonthefarsideofthebuilding,themusicpulsingeverlouder.Alongtheway,guystriedtogetMaria’sattention—demandinghernameorcommentingonherbeautyoreventryingtopinchherbutt—butafraidtogiveColinanyreasonforconfrontation,shemerelyscowledattheminsilence.
Thedancefloorwasseparatedfromtherestofthewarehousebyamakeshiftbarrieroftwo-by-foursnailedtogetherandfastenedacrossmetalbarrels.Directlyoppositethem,onpalletsstackedagainstthebackwall,wastheDJ,hisequipmentarrangedonafold-outtable.Hewasflankedbytwospeakersthesizeofrefrigerators.ThemusicwasloudenoughtomakeMaria’schestthump.Onthefloor,shewatchedcouplesmoveandspin,triggeringinherasurgeofmemoriesfromatimewhenlifeseemedmorecarefree.
LeaningclosertoColin,shecouldsmellthecolognehemusthaveputonearlier
“Areyousureyou’rereadyforthis?”
“Yes,”hesaid,movingpastthebarrier.
Beforesheknewit,theyweresurroundedbycouples.ShewasabouttotellColinwhattodowhenhesuddenlytookherrighthandinhisleftandplacedhisrighthandonherleftshoulderblade.Andwiththat,hebegantoleadher,hisstepsmovinginunisonwithhersasthemusicsurgedaroundthem.Hereyeswidened,andwhenheledherthroughaperfectlyexecutedspin,followedalmostimmediatelybyasecond,shewastooshockedtosayanythingatall.Colinmerelyraisedhiseyebrowsinamusement,makingherlaughaloud.Andlittlebylittle,asonesongrolledintothenext,shefeltherselfbeginningtoletgo,losingherselfinthemusic,andinhim.
Itwaspastmidnightwhentheyfinallyleftthejammedwarehouseanddrovebacktohercondo.Neitherofthemsaidmuch,bothfeelingwarmandslightlyflushedastheynavigatedthequietstreets.Likehehadformuchofthepastfewhours,Colinheldherhand,histhumbmovingagainstherskinandmakingittingle.Astheynearedherplace,sheimaginedwhatmighthappenifsheinvitedColinupstairs,andwasbothfrightenedandexcitedbyherthoughts.Theyhadn’tknowneachotherlongenough,andshewasn’tsureshewasquiteready…yetshehadtoadmitthatshewantedhimtocomeup.Shewantedtheireveningtogethertocontinue;shewantedhimtokissheragainandtakeherinhisarms.Despiteherconflictingemotions,shedirectedhimtotheparkingareabehindhercondo.
Afterlockingthecar,theywalkedupthestepsbesideeachother,bothofthemquiet.Whentheyreachedthedoor,shefumbledwithherkeys,herhandstremblingeversoslightlyassheunlockedthedoor.Enteringandpassingthroughthelivingarea,sheturnedonthelampnearthecouch,butwhensheturnedaround,sherealizedthatColinhadstoppedatthethreshold.Heseemedtosenseherconfusion,offeringherachancetoendtheeveningnow,beforeitwenttoofar.Butsomethinghadtakenholdofher,andtuckingaloosestrandofhairbehindherear,shesmiled.
“Comeonin,”shesaidhervoicesoundinghoarseandforeigntoherownears.Colinquietlyclosedthedoorbehindhimashetookinthelivingareawithitsdarkpineflooringandcrownmolding,andtheFrenchdoorsthatopenedtothesmallbalcony.Thoughshesuspectedheprobablywouldn’thavecaredonewayortheother,shewassuddenlygladshe’dspentthemorningstraighteningup,rightdowntofluffingthedecorativepillowsonthecouch.
“Youhaveabeautifulplace.”
“Thankyou.”
Movingclosertoexaminetheframedphotosabovethecouch,heasked,“Didyoutakethese?”
Shenodded.“Earlierthissummer.”
Hestudiedtheminsilence—especiallytheclose-upoftheospreyclaspingafishinitstalonsandsurroundedbydropletsofwater.“You’reverygood,”hesaid,visiblyimpressed.
“Youdon’tknowhowmanybadshotsittooktogetthese,butthankyou.”Standingclose,shecouldfeeltheheatstillradiatingfromhisbody.“Wouldyoulikesomethingtodrink?Ihaveabottleofwineinthefridge.”
“Maybehalfaglass.I’veneverbeenabigwinedrinker.Andifyouhavesomewater,thatwouldbegreat,too.”
Leavinghim,shewenttothekitchenandpulledacoupleofwineglassesfromthecabinets.Intherefrigeratorwasabottleshe’dopenedthenightbefore.Shepouredtwoglassesandtookasipbeforeretrievinganotherglassforhiswater.
“Wouldyoulikeice?”
“Sure,ifit’snottoomuchtrouble.”
“IthinkIcanhandleice.”
Shehandedhimthewaterglass,andwatchedasColindrainedit.Takingtheemptyglassfromhim,shesetitonthebreakfastbarbeforegesturingtowardtheFrenchdoors.
“Shallwegooutonthebalcony?I’minthemoodforalittlefreshair.”
“Soundsgood,”heagreed,reachingforhiswineglass.Openingthedoors,theysteppedontothebalcony.Theairwascoolagainstherskin,hazebeginningtorollinwiththebreeze.Trafficwaslightandthesidewalksstoodempty.Streetlightscastayellowglow,andfromthebaratthecornershecouldhearthefaintstrainsofeightiespopmusic.
Hemotionedtotherockingchairsofftotheside.“Doyoueversitouthere?”
“Notenough.Whichiskindofsad,sincethebalconyisoneofthereasonsIboughtthecondointhefirstplace.IthinkIhadthisideathatI’dunwindouthereafterwork,butitusuallydoesn’tturnoutthatway.Mostnights,I’llhaveaquickdinnerandeitherplantmyselfatthediningroomtableoratthedeskinthesparebedroomwithmyMacBook.”Sheshrugged.“Thewholetrying-to-get-aheadthingagain,butwe’vealreadytalkedaboutthat,haven’twe?”
“We’vetalkedaboutalotofthings.”
“Doesthatmeanyou’regettingboredwithmealready?”
Heturnedtowardher,hiseyesreflectingtheeveninglight.“No.”
“YouknowwhatIfindinterestingaboutyou?”Colinwaited,sayingnothing.“Youdon’tfeeltheneedtoalwaysexplainyourreasoningwhenyouanswerquestions.Yougetstraighttothepoint.Theonlytimeyouelaborateiswhenyou’reaskedtodoso.You’reamanofveryfewwords.”
“Okay.”
“That’sexactlywhatImean!”sheteased.“Butallright,you’vemademecurious.Whydon’tyouelaborateunlessyou’respecificallyaskedtodoso?”
“Becauseit’seasier.Andittakeslesstime.”
“Don’tyouthinkthatincludingothersinyourthoughtprocesshelpsthemunderstandyoubetter?”
“Thatassumestheywanttounderstandmebetter.Andiftheydo,they’llaskmetoexplainandthenI’lldoit.”
“Andiftheydon’task?”
“Thentheyprobablydon’tcareaboutmyreasoninginthefirstplace.Theyjustwanttoknowtheanswer.IknowIdo.IfIasksomeonewhattimeitis,Idon’tneedahistoryofclock-makingandIdon’tcarewhogavethemthewatch,orhowexpensiveitwas,orwhetheritwasaChristmaspresent.Ijustwantthetime.”
“I’mnottalkingaboutthat.I’mtalkingabouttryingtogettoknowsomeone.Makingconversation.”
“SoamI.Butnoteveryoneneeds—orevenwants—toknowwhyyoufeelthewayyoudoaboutsomething.Somethingsarebetterleftprivate.”
“Excuseme?Weren’tyoutheonewhotoldmeyourlifestorythatfirstnightonthebeach?”
“YouaskedquestionsandIansweredthem.”
“Andyouthinkthatworks?”
“Ithasforus.Wehavenotroubletalking.”
“Butthat’sbecauseIaskalotofquestions.”
“Yes.”
“Well,it’sagoodthingIdo.Orwe’denduplikesomeofthoseoldercouplesIseeincoffeeshopswhodon’tsayawordtoeachotherwhiletheyeatbreakfast.Ofcourse,that’sprobablyrightupyouralley.Icaneasilyimagineyougoinganentiredaywithoutsayinganythingtoanyone.”
“SometimesIdo.”
“That’snotnormal.”
“Okay.”
Shetookasipofwineandwavedahandathim.“Moredetail,please.”
“Idon’tknowwhat‘normal’reallymeans.Ithinkeveryonehashisowndefinition,andit’sshapedbyculture,byfamilyandfriends,bycharacterandexperience,byeventsandathousandotherthings.What’snormalforonepersonisn’tnormalforanother.Forsomepeople,jumpingoutofairplanesiscrazy.Forotherpeople,lifeisn’tworthlivingwithoutit.”
Shenodded,concedingthepoint.Still…
“Allright.Withoutmeaskingaquestionfirst,Iwantyoutosayhowyoureallyfeelaboutsomething.Somethingunexpectedandcompletelyofftopic.SomethingIwouldn’texpectyoutosay.Andthenelaborate,withoutmehavingtoaskasinglequestion.”
“Why?”
“Humorme,”shesaid,nudginghim.“Justforfun.”
Herotatedthewineglasswithhisfingersbeforeraisinghiseyestohers.“You’reamazing.You’reintelligentandbeautifulanditshouldbeeasyforyoutomeetsomeonewhodoesn’thavemypast,whohasn’tmadethemistakesIhave…Truthfully,itmakesmewonderwhatI’mdoinghere,orwhyyoueveninvitedme.Partofmethinksthatallofthisistoogoodtobetrueandthatit’sgoingtocomecrashingdown,butevenifitdoes,itwouldn’tchangethefactthatyou’vealreadyaddedsomethingtomylife,somethingthatIhadn’tevenrealizedwasmissing.”Colinpaused.Whenhespokeagain,hisvoicewasquiet.“You’vecometomeanmoretomethanIthinkyourealize.Beforeyoucamealong,IhadEvanandLily,andIthoughtthatwasenough.Butitisn’t.Notanymore.Notsincelastweekend.Beingwithyoumakesmefeelvulnerableagain,andIhaven’tfeltvulnerablesinceIwasakid.Ican’tsaythatIalwayslikeit,butthealternativewouldbeworsebecauseitwouldmeannotseeingyouagain.”
Mariarealizedshe’dbeenholdingherbreath;bythetimehefinished,shefeltalmostdizzy,overwhelmedbyhisresponse,andtriedtosteadyherself.
Colin,ontheotherhand,continuedtoexudeaneasyconfidence,anditwasthat,morethananything,whichallowedhertoregainherequilibrium.
“I’mnotsurewhattosay,”sheadmitted.
“Youdon’thavetosayanything.Ididn’tsayitbecauseIwantedaresponse.IsaiditbecauseIwantedto.”
Shewrappedbothhandsaroundthestemofherglass.“MayIaskyouaquestion?”sheaskedshyly.“Aboutsomethingelse?”
“Ofcourse.”
“Whydidyouactlikeyoudidn’tknowanythingaboutsalsadancing?”
“Whenwetalkedaboutit,Ididn’t.Lilyspenttheweekgivingmelessons.That’swhatIwasdoingonThursdayandFridaynights.”
“Youlearnedhowtodanceforme?”
“Yes.”
Sheturnedawayandtookasipofwine,tryingtomaskheramazement.“Thankyou.AndIguessIshouldthankLily,too.”
Heflashedaquicksmile.“WouldyoumindifIrefillmywaterglass?I’mstillabitthirsty.”
“Ofcoursenot.”
ColinsteppedawayandMariashookherhead,wonderingwhen,orevenif,shewouldceasebeingsurprisedbyhim.
LuishadneverspokentoherlikeColinjusthad.Assheleanedovertherailing,shesuddenlyfoundithardtorememberwhatshe’dreallyseeninhim.Onthesurface,hewasattractiveandintelligent,butunderneathhe’dbeenarrogantandvain.She’doftenmadeexcusesforhisbehavior,andifanyonequestionedherfeelings,she’dreacteddefensively.Thinkingback,sheadmittedthatshe’ddesperatelywantedhisapprovalandnotonlydidhesensethat,buthefrequentlytookadvantageofit.Itwasn’tahealthyrelationship,sheknew,andwhenshetriedtoimaginehimbehavingasColinhad—callingher,bringingflowers,learningtodance—shecouldn’t.Anddespiteallthat,she’dlovedLuiswithanintensityshecouldstillsometimesfeel.
Earlier,assheandColinhadbeendancing,she’dcaughtherselfthinkingthatthenightcouldn’tpossiblygetanybetter.Andthen,allatonce,ithad.Listeningtohimexpresshisfeelingswithoutfearorregrethadleftherspeechless.Shewonderedwhethershewascapableofsuchathing.Probablynot,butthenagain,Colinwasn’tlikemostpeople.Heacceptedhimself,faultsandall,andforgavehimselfforthemistakeshe’dmade.Morethanthat,heseemedtoliveinthemomentwithoutregardforeitherthepastorthefuture.
ThegreatestrevelationwashowdeeplyColinwasabletoexperiencehisemotions,perhapsevenmoredeeplythanshedid.Watchinghimoverdinnerandonthedancefloor,andhearinghiswordsjustnow,sheknewthatifhewasn’tinlovewithheryet,hewasonthebrink.Likeher,hewaswillingtosurrendertotheinevitable,anideathatmadeherhandstremble.AsColinsteppedbackontothebalconybehindher,shetookalongbreath,savoringthewaveofdesirethatfloodedthroughher.Heleanedovertherailingnexttoher,andastheirbreathsfellintosteadyrhythm,shetookanothersipofwine,thewarmthcoursingdownherthroatintoherstomachandlimbs.
Studyinghisfaceinprofile,shethoughtagainaboutthewayhisexternalcalmenvelopedthecoiledemotionswithinhim,andshesuddenlyimaginedthewayColinmightlookashehoverednakedaboveher,hislipsgentlybrushinghers,astheygavethemselvesovertoeachother.Herstomachtightenedandshefelthermouthcurveintoafaintsmile.
“Didyoumeanwhatyousaidtomeearlier?”
Hedidn’tanswerrightaway.Instead,heloweredhisheadbeforeturningtofaceher.
“Imeanteverysingleword.”
Feelingacascadeofsensationsinherbody,shemovedcloserandkissedhimgentlyonthelips.Theyweresoftandwarm,andpullingback,shesawinhisexpressionsomethingakintohope.Shekissedhimasecondtimethenandfeltherskinbegintocomealiveasheslidhisarmsaroundher.Hetuggedsoftly,bringingtheirbodiestogether,andinthatinstant,shebegantoloseherselfinhim.Shecouldfeelthestrengthofhischestandarmssurroundingherandthewarmurgencyofhistongue,andsheknewwithfiercecertaintythatsheneededColin,allofhim.Theycontinuedtokissonthebalconybeneathafoggy,star-filledskyuntilshefinallyreachedforhishand.Theirfingersintertwinedashekissedthehollowofherneck,thesensationtantalizinganderotic.Sheshivered,enjoyingthesensationbeforewordlesslyleadinghimtothebedroom.
Momentsaftershewokethenextmorning,Mariafeltthesoftglareoftheearly-autumnsun,andthenightcamerushingback.SherolledoverandsawColinlyingonhisside,onlyhalfcoveredbythesheet,alreadyawakeandalert.“Goodmorning,”hewhispered.
“Goodmorning,”shesaid.“Howlonghaveyoubeenup?”
“Aboutanhour.”
“Whydidn’tyougobacktosleep?”
“Iwasn’ttired.Andbesides,Ikindofenjoyedwatchingyou.”
“Thathasthepotentialtosoundverycreepy,youknow.”
“Okay.”
Shesmiled.“Well,sinceyouwerewatchingme,IhopeIdidn’tdoanythingembarrassingormakeanystrangenoises.”
“Youdidn’t.Youjustlaytherelookingsexyashell.”
“MyhairismessyandIneedtobrushmyteeth.”
“Rightnow?”
“Why?Whatdidyouhaveinmind?”
Hereachedtowardher,usinghisfingertotracehercollarbone,andafterthat,nowordswerenecessary.
Later,theyshoweredtogetheranddressed.MariadriedherhairandputonmakeupwhileColinleanedagainstthebathroomcounterbesideher,nursingacupofcoffee.
“Arewegoingsomeplace?”heasked.
“Brunch.Withmyparents.”
“Soundsgood.I’mgoingtoneedtochangefirst,though.Whattime?”
“Eleven.”
“Itakeitthatwewon’tberidingtogether.”
“That’sprobablynotagoodidea.It’sgoingtobehardenoughtopreparethemforyourvisit.Becausethistime,they’regoingtoaskalotofquestions.”
“Okay.”
Mariaputdownhermascarawandandtookhishand.“Doesthatbotheryou?Orscareyou?”
“No.”
“Well,itsurescaresme,”sheadmitted,returningtohermakeup.“Thewholethingisterrifying,infact.”
Hetookasipofcoffee.“Whatareyougoingtotellthemaboutme?”
“Hopefully,aslittleaspossible.Anydetailswilljustspurmorequestionsthatyoushouldanswer,notme.”
“Whatareyouhopingfortoday?”
“Formymomtogetthroughitwithouttears,andmyfathernottodemandthatyouleavethehouse.”
“That’snotaveryhighbar.”
“Trustme,”shesaid.“It’shigherthanyouthink.”CHAPTER13
Colin
ColinpulleduptoMaria’sparents’housejustbeforeeleven.Hehadnoideahowtheconversationwithherparentshadgone,andashesteppedoutofthecar,hefiguredtherewasnouseinspeculating,sincehe’dfindoutsoonenoughanyway.
HadLilybeenaround,hewouldhaveaskedherwhatheshouldbringtoafamilybrunch,butsheandEvanwerealreadyatchurchwhenhegothome,andintheend,itprobablywouldn’tdomuchgoodanyway.Likeeveryoneelse,theyweregoingtoformtheirownopinions,andabasketofmuffinswasn’tgoingtoalterthem.
Still,ashewalkedtothedoor,hehopedthatMariawasallright.Earlier,onhiswayhome,he’dthoughtabouthervirtuallynonstop,oneseriesofimagesgivingwaytothenext,eachmoreravishingthantheonebefore.Thatwasafirstforhim,shewasafirst,andhetookadeepbreath,remindinghimselfthateventhoughhewouldn’tshyawayfromanyquestions,hisanswerscouldbeframedinalotofdifferentwaysandstillremainhonest.
Heknockedatthedooranditswungopenalmostimmediately,revealingSerena.Henoticedagainhowmuchsheresembledheroldersister,thoughsheseemedevenmorehigh-strungthanusual,whichprobablywasn’tagoodsign.
“Hey,Colin,”shesaid,steppingasidetolethimin.“Isawyouwalkingup.Comeonin.”
“Thankyou.Howdidyourdinnergolastnight?”
“Awesome,”sheanswered.“ButIshouldbetheoneaskingyou.”
“Wehadagoodtime.”
“I’msure.”Serenawinked.“Maria’sinthekitchenwithMom,”shesaid,closingthedoorbehindhim.“AndI’mamazedyouwereabletogethertogodancing.”
“Why?”
“Ifyoudon’tknowyet,Ithinkyouneedtospendevenmoretimewithher,”sheanswered.“Buthere’sawordtothewise—Iwouldn’tgettoodescriptiveaboutlastnight,especiallyanythingthatmighthavehappenedafterthedancing.It’salreadyalittletensearoundhere.Ihaveahunchthatmyparentsthinkyou’reaterrorist.”
“Okay.”
“Imightbeexaggerating,butwhoreallyknows?”shebabbled.“Ididn’tgethereuntilthethreeofthemwerefinishedtalking,andmyparentsbarelysaidhellotome.AllIreallyknowforsureisthatmydadwasn’tsmilingandmymomkeptmakingthesignofthecross,despitehowwelllastnight’sdinnerwiththedirectorofthefoundationwent…notthatmylittlechallengesmatterrightnow.Anyway,IdecideditwasbestifIjustwaitedforyouinthelivingroom.”
Bythen,they’dreachedthekitchen,wherehesawMariastandingoverasizzlingfryingpanwhilehermompulledasmallbakingpanfromtheoven.Theairsmelledofbaconandcinnamon.
“Colin’shere,”Serenacalledout.
Mariaturnedandhenoticedshewaswearinganapron.“Hi,Colin,”shesaidtightly.“Youremembermymom,right?”
Carmenforcedonaplasticsmile,andthoughColinmighthavebeenimaginingit,sheseemedpalerthanshe’dbeenjustacoupleofdaysearlier.“Goodmorning,Mrs.Sanchez,”hesaid,figuringabitofformalitywasprobablyagoodbet.
“Goodmorning.”Shenoddedand,obviouslyuncomfortable,turnedherattentionbacktothepanassheplaceditonanironrackonthecounter.
Serenaleanedtowardhim.“MymomdecidedtodoanAmericanbreakfastjustforyou,”shewhispered.“Baconandeggs,Frenchtoast,cinnamonrolls.Ofcourse,thatwasbeforeMariatoldheraboutyou.”
Mariapulledacoupleofstripsofbaconfromthepanandsetthemonanapkin-coveredplateofftothesideofthestove.“Hey,Serena?Canyoutakeoverforasecond?”
“Begladto,”Serenachirped.“ButonlyifIgettowearthecoolapron.”
Mariastartedtowardthem,slippingofftheapronasshewalkedandpassingittoSerenaliketradingplaceswasnormal.Inthiskitchen,Colinassumeditwas.SerenastartedchattingawaywithhermotherinSpanishasshedonnedtheapron.
Upclose,ColinnoticedtensioninthewayMariawasmoving.Shegavehimaquickpeckonthecheek,carefultokeepabitofdistancebetweenthem.“Anytroublefindingtheplace?”
“Google,”heanswered.Glancingoverhisshoulder,itwashardnottonoticethewayCarmenfrownedslightly.Heknewenoughnottoaskhowithadgoneearlier;instead,hedefaultedtosilence.Marialoweredhervoice,concernetchedonherface.
“Wouldyoumindtalkingtomydadbeforeweeat?”
“Okay.”
“And,um…”Shetrailedoff.
“It’syourfather,”hesaid.“Iwon’tforget.”
Shenodded,themovementalmostimperceptible.“I’mgoingtostayinhereandhelpmymominthekitchen,”shesaid.“Mydad’satthetableonthebackporch.Doyouwantanycoffee?”
“I’mfine,”Colinreplied.
“Water?”
“I’mfine,”hesaidagain.
“Okay…”Shetookastepbackward.“IguessIbettergetbacktothekitchen,then.”
Colinwatchedasshebackedaway,pastarefrigeratordecoratedwithdozensofphotos,letters,andotherkeepsakes,beforesheturnedaround.Hemovedtowardthesliderandassoonasheopenedthedoor,Felixturnedhisway.Therewaslessangerthanhe’danticipated,thoughtheshockanddisappointmentwereevident,aswashisobviousantagonism.Inhislap,asmallwhitedogwassleeping.
ColinclosedthedoorbehindhimandwalkedtowardFelix,hiseyessteady.Nearingthetable,heofferedhishand.
“Goodmorning,Mr.Sanchez.Mariasaidyouwantedtospeakwithme.”
Felixlookedtowardthehandbeforehereluctantlyofferedhisown.Colinstood,waitingforFelixtoinvitehimtositatthetable.EventuallyFelixnoddedtowardachair,andColinsat.Heclaspedhishandsandrestedtheminfrontofhim,remainingquiet.Therewasnopointintryingtomakesmalltalkorpretendingthathedidn’tknowwhatFelixwantedtodiscuss.
Felixwasinnorushtospeakandtookhistimescrutinizinghim.“Mariasaidthatyouwereintroublewiththelaw,”hefinallybegan.“Isthattrue?”
“Yes,”Colinanswered.Overthenexthalfhour,thefullstorycameoutinbitsandpieces,muchasithadwithMariathatfirstnightonthebeach.Hedidn’tsugarcoathispastorattempttomisleadFelix;hewaswhohewas.LikewithMaria,Felix’sshockwaspronouncedattimesandhepressedforfurtherclarification;whenColineventuallyrecountedwhathappenedatthefirstmilitaryschoolhe’dattended,Colinthoughthesawaflashofsuddenunderstanding.Bythetimehefinished,FelixwaslessonedgethanhehadbeenwhenColinhadfirstjoinedhimontheporch,butitwasalsoclearthatheneededtimetothinkaboutallthathe’dlearned.Nosurprisethere.FelixwasafatherandMariawashisdaughter,andtherewasonlysofarhewouldgo.
“Youclaimthatyou’vechangedandIwouldliketobelieveyou,butI’mnotsurethatIdo.”
“Okay.”Colinnodded.
“Whatifyougetarrestedagain?”
“Idon’tplanonit.”
“That’stheproblem.Peopleseldomplanonit.”
Colinsaidnothing.Therewasreallynothingtosay.
Felixcontinuedtopetthelittlewhitedog.“Ifyoudogetarrested,whatwillhappen?”
“Iwon’tseeher.I’llendit.Theworstthingwouldbeforhertothinksheshouldwait.”
Afteramoment,Felixofferedaslightnod,satisfiedbutstillunsureastowhetherhebelievedit.“Ifyoueverhurtmydaughterorputmydaughterindanger…”
Hedidn’tfinish,buthedidn’tneedto.ColinknewwhatFelixwantedtohear,andbecauseitwastrue,hehadnotroublesayingit.
“Itwon’thappen.”
“Ihaveyourword.”
“Yes.”
Justthen,Mariapoppedherheadout,clearlynervousbutalsorelievedthatshehadn’theardanyshouting.“Areyoutwoaboutfinished?Brunchisready.”
Felixexhaled.“We’redone,”hesaid.“Let’seat.”
Afterthey’dfinishedeating,SerenaandherparentsbegantocleanupwhileMarialingeredbehindwithColin.“Whatdidyousaytohim?”Mariaasked.
“Thetruth,”Colinanswered.
“Allofit?”
“Yes.”
Mariaappearedflummoxed.“ThenitwentalotbetterthanIthoughtitwould.”
Mariawasright—thebrunchhadbeenrelativelypleasant,withSerenachatteringonaboutthescholarship,Steve,andtheescapadesofhernumerousfriends.FelixandCarmenhadoccasionallyaskedquestions,evenlobbingafewqueriestowardColin,thoughallwereaboutworkorschool.Whenhe’dmentionedMMA,hethoughtthatCarmenhadpaledjustabit.
“Still…”Mariasaid.“Iguessyouwereright.Itwasbesttogetitalloutthereinthebeginning.”
Sometimes,Colinthought.Notalways.Felixhadbeencordial,buttherewasn’tanyfondnessortrustevident,bothofwhichwouldtaketimetoachieve,ifthatwaspossibleatall.Hedidn’tsaythat,though.Instead,hereachedforthedoor.
“Doyouwanttodosomepaddleboardinglater?”heasked.
“Howaboutwedosomethingdifferentinstead.Like…JetSkiing.Wecanrentthematthebeach.Doesthatsoundfun?”
Herecalledthesightofherinabikiniagain.“Actually,thatsoundsgreat.”
TheymetatWrightsvilleBeachlaterthatafternoonandspentacoupleofhoursonJetSkisbeforeColinreturnedhometosqueezeinaquickworkout.TheycookeddinneratMaria’sandthen,likethenightbefore,spentthenextfewhourswrappedineachother’sarms.
Mondaymorningcametoosoon,butthatweektheyspentasmuchtimetogetherastheycould.ColinmetMariaforlunchtwice,andonWednesday,shespenttheeveningatCrabbyPete’s,nursingaDietPepsiandworkingonalegalbriefforBarneywithherMacBookproppedonthebarinfrontofher.Asidefromhisshiftsandclasses,afewhoursforworkingout,andfamilybrunch,theyweretogetheralmosteveryminute,andwenttoboththefarmers’marketandtheaquarium,neitherofwhichColinhadevercontemplatedvisitingbefore.
Throughitall,hesimplytriedtoembracethewayhefeltabouther.Hedidn’tthinkaboutit,didn’tworryaboutit,didn’ttrytounderstandit.Instead,heenjoyedthewayhefeltwhenevershelaughed,andhowsexyshewaswhensheknithereyebrowsinconcentration;hesavoredthefeelofherhandinhisastheywalkedandtalked,theirconversationsdriftingfromtheserioustothesilly.
OnSundaynight,inbedaftermakinglove,Mariawaslyingonherstomach,herkneesbentandfeetupasshenibbledonsomegrapes.Colinfounditimpossibletotakehiseyesfromher,oglingheruntilsheplayfullytossedagrapeathim.
“Stopstaring.You’remakingmefeelself-conscious.”
Hereachedforthegrapeandpoppeditinhismouth.“Why?”
“BecauseI’mCatholicandwe’renotmarried,maybe?”
Hechuckled.“YourmotheraskedifIwasCatholic,didn’tshe?Whenwewereatlunchthefirsttime?”
“YouunderstandSpanish?”
“Notreally.Itookitinhighschoolandbarelypassed,butIheardmynameandthewordcatólicowhenshewasatthetable.Itwasn’tthathardtotranslate.Butyes,”hecontinued.“IwasraisedCatholic.Iwasbaptizedandconfirmed,thewholenineyards.ButIprettymuchstoppedgoingtochurchafterIgotsentofftoschool,soI’mnotsurewhatthatmakesmenow.”
“She’llstillbehappy.”
“Good.”
“Howdidtheygetyouconfirmedifyoustoppedgoingtochurch?”
“Donations,Iguess.Probablyabigone,becausethepriestletmedoacramcourseonesummerandeventhoughIdidn’tdoanyofthework,thenextyear,theyletmegetconfirmedanyway.”
“That’skindofcheating.”
“It’snotkindofcheating.Itischeating.Ontheplusside,Igotago-kartoutofit,sothatwaskindofnice.”
“Ago-kart?”
“ItwaseitherthatorIwouldn’tdoit.Forallthegooditdidme.Itotaleditwithinacoupleofweeksandrefusedtotalktomyparentstherestofthesummerbecausetheywouldn’tbuymeanewone.”
“Nice,”shesaidsarcastically.
“I’veneverhiddenthefactthatIhaveissues.”
“I’maware.”Shesmiled.“Butsometimes,Iwishyou’dsurprisemeinagoodwaywhenyoutalkaboutyouryoungeryears.”
Hethoughtaboutit.“Ibeatupmyoldersister’sex-boyfriendonce.Doesthatcount?Sincehewasatotaljerk?”
“No,”shesaid,“thatdoesn’tcount.”
Hesmiled.“Doyouwanttohavelunchtomorrow?”
“I’dloveto,butIalreadypromisedJill.ShetextedmeearlierandIforgottomentionit.I’mopentoalatedinner,though.”
“Ican’t,”hesaid.“Ihavetowork.”
“Youmeanwemightnotseeeachothertomorrow?WhateveramIgoingtodo?”
Itmighthavebeentheplayfulnessinhertoneorthefactthatalongandwonderfulweekendwasfinallycomingtoanend,buthedidn’trespond.Instead,hejuststaredather,notingthesensualcurvesofherbody,perfectinnearlyeveryway.“Youareincrediblybeautiful,”hewhispered.
Alightsmileplayedacrossherlips,seductiveandlovely.“Yeah?”
“Yeah,”heechoed,andashecontinuedtogazeather,hecouldn’tshakethefeelingthatalongjourneywasfinallycomingtoanend.Heknewwhatthatmeant,andwhilethefeelinghadbeenunimaginableevenamonthago,therewasnoreasontodenyit.Hereachedtowardher,gentlyrunninghisfingersthroughherhair,thesensationluxurious,andheletoutalongbreath.“Iloveyou,Maria,”hefinallymurmured.Hewatchedashersurprisegavewaytocomprehension.
Withhishandstillinherhair,shewrappeditinhers.
“Oh,Colin,”shewhispered,“Iloveyou,too.”CHAPTER14
Maria
Theymadeloveearlythefollowingmorning;afterward,Colintoldherhewantedtogetaworkoutinbeforeclass,andthoughthesunhadnotyetrisenwhenheleft,Mariatossedandturned,unabletofallbacktosleep.Shefinallygotoutofbed,resolvedtocatchuponsomelong-neglectedwork.
Shebrewedcoffee,showered,anddressed,andwiththebestofintentionsopenedupherMacBooktogetsomeworkdoneinthehourandahalfbeforesheleftfortheoffice.Andyet,asshesettledin,shecouldn’tescapeagrowing,thoughinchoate,sensethatsomethingwaswrong.Evenasshesiftedthroughherfeelings,shecouldn’tpinpointthecause.ThetimingmadehersuspectthatithadsomethingtodowithColin;therelationshiphadbeenabitofawhirlwind,althoughshecertainlydidn’tregretit.They’dfalleninlove,andtherewasnothingwrongwiththat.Itwasnormal.Ithappenedtootherpeopleeveryday.Andconsideringallthetimethey’dspentgettingtoknoweachother,itwasn’tevenallthatunexpected.
Sowhatonearthwasbotheringher?
Refillinghercup,sheabandonedthetableandwanderedtothebalcony,watchingastheportcityslowlycametolife.Alightmistlingeredjustabovethesidewalk,makingitappearalmostoutoffocus.Asshesippedhercoffee,sherememberedstandinginthesamespotthenighttheyhadfirstmadelove,andthoughitbroughtasmiletoherface,thememorywasaccompaniedbyadefinitepangofanxiety.
Okay,somaybeherfeelingsaboutColinweren’tassimpleandstraightforwardasshewantedtopretend.Butwhat,exactly,wasthrowingheroff?Thattheyweresleepingtogether?Thewordsthey’dspokentoeachotherlastnight?Thefactthatherparentsdidn’tapproveofhim?Orthatamonthago,shecouldn’thaveevenimaginedfallingforsomeonelikehim?
Thatprettymuchsumsitup,sheadmitted.Butwhythisanxietythismorning?ItwasridiculoustothinkthatsimplysayingIloveyoucouldupsetherequilibriumthisway.Logically,itmadenosense.Shefinishedhercoffeeanddecidedtoheadintoworkearly,surethatshewasblowingthewholethingoutofproportion.
Andyet,throughoutthemorning,thefeelingdidn’tdissipate;ifanything,itonlygrewmorepronounced.Byten,evenherstomachhadgrownslightlyupset.ThemoreshetriedtoconvinceherselfthatworryingaboutColindidn’tmakesense,themoredifficultshefoundittoconcentrate.Astheclockclickedtowardthelunchhour,allshecouldthinkwasthatsheneededtotalktoJill.
Mariawentthroughallofit,includingthewayshewasfeeling,asshewatchedJillpullseveralpiecesofsushifromtheplatterontoherplateandbeginwolfingthemdown.Forherpart,Mariaputasinglepieceonherplatebeforerealizingtherewasn’tachanceshecouldforceitdown.Bythetimeshefinishedspeaking,Jillwasnodding.
“Soletmegetthisstraight,”Jillsaid.“Youmetaguy,thetwoofyouslepttogetherafternotdatingallthatlong,youintroducedhimtoyourparentsandtheydidn’trunforthehills,andhetoldyouthathelovedyou.Andthen,thismorning,yousuddenlybeganquestioningeverything.HaveIsummedthatupcorrectly?”
“Prettymuch.”
“Andyou’renotsurewhy?”
Mariamadeaface.“Humorme.”
“It’ssimple.You’rejustgoingthroughagrown-upversionofthewalkofshame.”
“Excuseme?”
“Thewalkofshame?Fromcollege?Afteryouhadtoomuchtodrinkatapartyandyouhookedupwithaguythatyouthoughtwasperfectandthen,whenmorningcamearound,youcouldn’tbelievewhathadjusthappened?Andthenwalkedbackacrossthecampustoyourplacewonderingwhatthehellyouweredoing,stilldressedinwhatyou’dbeenwearingthenightbefore?”
“Iknowwhatthewalkofshameis.Andit’snotanythinglikethat.”
Jillusedherchopstickstopickupthelastremainingmakiroll.“Maybenotspecifically,butI’dbesurprisedifyouremotionsweren’tseesawingfromoneextremetotheother,whichiswhatmostgirlsgothroughduringthewalkofshame.Asin,‘Didthatreallyhappen?WasitasgoodasIremember?WhatdidIdo?’Fallinginloveisterrifying.That’swhytheysay‘fallinginlove’andnotsomethinglike‘floatingtowardlove.’Fallingisscary.Floatingiskindofdreamy.”SheshookherheadsorrowfullyatMaria’splate.“IjustateallofourfoodandI’mgoingtoblameyouwhenIgetonthescale.”
“Inotherwords,youthinkthatwhatI’mgoingthroughisnormal?”
“I’dbewaymoreworriedifyouweren’tquestioningeverything.Becausethen,itwouldmeanyou’recrazy.”
“DidthishappenwithPaul?Whenyoufirstfellinlovewithhim?”
“Ofcourse.Oneday,he’dbeallIcouldthinkabout,andthenext,I’dwonderwhetherIwasmakingthebiggestmistakeofmylife.Andhere’salittlesecret—sometimesitstillhappens.IknowIlovehim,butI’mnotsureIlovehimenoughtodatehimforever.Iwanttogetmarriedandhavechildren.Oratleastone.Andbytheway?Hisparentsdon’tlikemethatmuch,andIstrugglewiththat,too.”
“Whydon’ttheylikeyou?”
“TheythinkItalktoomuch.AndthatI’mtooopinionated.”
“You’rekidding.”
“Iknow,right?”
Marialaughedbeforegrowingseriousagain.“Ithinkit’shardbecauseeverythingaboutColinandmejustseemsso…foreign.WithLuis,itallmadesense.Wewerefriendsfirst,andevenafterweweredating,itmusthavebeensixmonthsbeforeItoldhimthatIlovedhim.Myparentslikedhim,andhecamefromagoodfamily,andtherewasnothingabouthispasttoevenquestion.”
“Ifmemoryserves,IbelieveyoualsotoldmethatSerenadidn’tlikeLuisatall.Andintheend,heturnedouttobeaselfishjerk.”
Ohyeah.That.“But…”
“Luiswasyourfirstlove.Youcan’tcomparewhathappenedthenwithwhat’shappeningnow.”
“That’swhatIjustsaid.”
“You’remissingmypoint.Mypointisthatfirstlovesalwaysmakesensebecauseyoudon’tknowanybetter.Everythingisafirstandanywarningbellsaredrownedoutbythesheernoveltyofitall.Inthebeginning,anyway.Nowyou’reolderandwiser,andyouneedsomeoneinyourlifewho’solderandwiser,too.Youwantsomeonewhodoesn’tplaygames,andwithColin,whatyouseeiswhatyouget.Youtrusthimandyouenjoyspendingtimewithhim.Oratleast,that’swhatyou’vebeentellingme.”
“Andyoudon’tthinkit’smovingtoofast?”
“Comparedtowhat?It’syourlife.Myadviceistogowiththeflowandtakeitonedayatatime.Andagain,whatyou’refeelingtodayisperfectlynormal.”
“I’drathernotfeelthiswayatall.”
“Whowould?ButIhaveahunchthatyou’llfeelbetterassoonasyoutalktohimagain.That’sthewayitusuallyworks.”
Mariapushedherlonelypieceofsushiaround,finallybeginningtofeelthefirstpangsofhunger.“Ihopeyou’reright.”
“OfcourseI’mright.Lovemakeseverythingcomplicated,andemotionsalwaysgowildinthebeginning.Butwhenit’sreal,youshouldholdontight,becausewe’rebotholdenoughtoknowthattruelovedoesn’tcomealongallthatoften.”
AfterlunchwithJill,Mariadidfeelbetter.Maybenotentirelynormal,butattheveryleastsomewhatcenteredagain.Themoreshethoughtaboutit,themoresherecognizedthatJillhadbeenrightaboutprettymucheverything.Fallinginlovewasalittlefrighteningandenoughtomakeanyoneabitscrewyinthebeginning.Ithadbeensolongthatshe’dforgottenwhatitwassupposedtofeellike.
Jillhadalsobeenspot-onwhenshe’dassuredMariathattalkingtoColinwouldhelpsettleherdoubts.Hecalledalittleafterfourwhilehewasonhiswaytowork.Althoughtheydidn’tchatforlong,simplyhearinghisvoiceseemedtodiminishthetensioninherneckandshoulders.Andwhenheaskedifshewasfreethefollowingeveningandwhethertheycouldspendtimetogether,sherealizedhowmuchshewantedexactlythat.
ThethoughtofspendingtimewithColinafterworkmadethefollowingdaypassmorequicklythanusual.EvenBarney—whoeitherdroppedbyherofficeorcalledadozentimestogetthelatestupdatesonvariousmatters—couldn’tshakehergoodspirits.Whenthephoneranghalfwaythroughtheafternoon,sheansweredautomatically,expectingtohearBarney’svoice,onlytohearJillontheotherend.
“Nowhe’sjustshowingoff,”herfriendannounced.
Ittookasecondtoidentifythevoice.“Jill?”
“Soeitherthetwoofyougotintoafightlastnightandhe’shopingforforgiveness,orhe’stryingtomakeothermenlookbad.”
“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
“Colin.Andthebouquetofroseshejustsentyou.”
“Hesentroses?”
“WhatdidyouthinkIwastalkingabout?Thedeliveryguyiswaitingforyou.”
Mariaglancedatherphone,notingtheextension.“WhyareyoucallingfromGwen’sphoneinthelobby?”
“BecauseIhappenedtobetalkingtoGwenwhenthedeliveryguywalkedin,andIinsistedthatIbeallowedtocallyoubecausethisisgettingridiculous.DoyouknowhowoftenPaulhassentmerosesatwork?Trynever.Andifyoudon’tgetoutheresoon,Imighttakethebouquetandstomponitbecauseit’smakingmequestionmyentirerelationshipagain.Andbelieveme—youdon’twantthatonyourconscience.”
Marialaughed.“Nostomping,okay?I’llberightthere.”
Whensheenteredthelobby,shespottedJillstandingbesideadeliverymaninabaseballcapwhowas,sureenough,holdingabouquetofpinkroses.Beforeshecouldthankhim,thedeliveryguyhandedthebouquettoherandabruptlyturnedaway.Amomentlater,thelobbydoorwasclosingbehindhim,almostlikehe’dneverbeenthereatall.
“Charmingfellow,”Jillcommented.“Hecouldn’tevenmakesmalltalk.HejustkeptsayingyournamewheneverIaskedaquestion.Butyouhavetoadmitthebouquetisgorgeous.”
Mariahadtoagree.Thebuds,envelopedinsprigsofbaby’sbreath,wereeitherclosedorjustbarelybeginningtowinkopen,andasshebenttosmellthem,sherealizedthatthefloristhadbeenthoughtfulenoughtotrimthethorns.“Ican’tbelievehewoulddothis,”sheremarked,inhalingthebouquet’sdelicatescent.
“It’salmostsad,”Jillsaid,shakingherhead.“Hemusthaveseriousself-esteemissues.Sincehe’salwaysseekingyourapproval,Imean.”
“Idon’tthinkColinhasself-esteemissues.”
“Thenhemustbeneedy.Youshouldprobablybreakupwithhimbeforeitgetsanyworse.YouneedsomeonelikePaul,aguywhothinksfirstandforemostabouthimself.”
Mariapeeredupatherfriend.“Areyoufinished?”
“DidyougetthesensethatI’menvious?”
“Yes.”
“Thenyes.I’mfinished.AndItakeitthatthetwoofyoutalkedandalliswellagain?”
“Wemadeplansfortonight,infact.”SheheldoutthebouquettowardJill.“WouldyoumindholdingthiswhileIopenthecard?”
“Whynot?It’snotlikeyou’retryingtorubitin.”
Mariarolledhereyesassheslidthecardoutandreadit.Sheblinkedbeforereadingitasecondtime,herbrowbeginningtocrease.
“Whatisit?”Jillasked.
“Iwonderiftheyattachedthewrongcard.Thisonedoesn’tmakesense.”
“Whatdoesitsay?”
MariahelditopentoshowJill.“Itsays,”sheread,“Youwillknowhowitfeels.”
Jillwrinkledhernose.“Isthataprivatejokeorsomething?”
“No.”
“Thenwhatisitsupposedtomean?”
“Ihavenoidea,”Mariaanswered,growingmorepuzzledbytheminute.
Jillhandedbackthebouquet.“It’sastrangethingtowrite,don’tyouthink?”
“Definitelystrange,”Mariaconceded.
“Maybeyoushouldcallhimandaskaboutwhathemeant.”
Maybe,Mariathought.“He’sprobablyatthegym.”
“Sowhat?I’llbethehashisphonewithhim.Oryouknowwhatitcouldbe?Maybethefloristmadeamistake.Heeitherattachedthewrongcardorwroteitdownwrong.”
“Iguessthat’spossible,”Mariaagreed,andthoughshetriedtoconvinceherselfitwastrue,shewonderedwhethereitherofthemreallybelievedit.
Afterputtingtherosesinthevasefromthefirstbouquetofflowers,Mariacontinuedtoexaminethecarduntilfinallydeciding,Oh,whatthehell?Pullinghercellphonefromherpurse,sherangColin.
“Heythere,”hesaid.“You’renotcallingtocancelonmetonight,areyou?”Hewasbreathinghard,andinthebackground,Mariacouldhearmusicandthesoundofpeoplerunningonthetreadmill.
“No.I’mlookingforwardtoit.DidIcatchyouatabadtime?”
“Notatall.What’sup?”
“Justaquickquestion.Iwantedtoaskyouaboutyourmessage.”
“Whatmessage?”
“Onthecardthatcamewiththerosestoday.Thecardsaid,‘Youwillknowhowitfeels,’andI’mnotsurewhatyoumeantbythat.”
Shecouldhearhimbreathingontheotherend.“Itwasn’tme.Ididn’tsendyourosestoday.Oracard.”
Mariafeltasuddenprickleonthebackofherneck.Youwillknowhowitfeels?ItwasweirdenoughifColinhadwrittenit,butifitwasn’tfromhim,thatmadethenote…
Strange.Evencreepy.
“What’sitsupposedtomean?”Colinsaidintothesilence.
“Idon’tknow.I’mstilltryingtofigureitout.”
“Andyoudon’tknowwhotheycamefrom?”
“Therewasnonameonthecard.”
Colinsaidnothingtothat,andtryingtohideherownfeelingofunease,shechangedthesubject.“Iknowyou’vegottogetbacktoyourworkout—andIshouldgetbacktowork—butwhattimewillyoubecomingbytonight?”
“Howaboutsixthirty?IwasthinkingthatweheaddowntotheRiverwalkandplayitbyear.I’mkindofinthemoodtomove,notjustsit.Andwecangrababitewhilewe’rethere.”
“Soundsperfect.I’vebeenplantedinmychairthelastcoupleofdays,andawalkisjustwhatIneed.”
Astheyhungup,shewaspicturingthewayhelookedinthegym…butthenshecaughtsightoftherosesagain,aswellasthecard.Thecardwithnoname.
Youwillknowhowitfeels.
Sheexaminedthecardagain,wonderingifshe’dbeabletocallthefloristandfindoutwhoorderedthem,onlytorealizethatneithertheenvelopenorthecardboreanymarkingswhatsoever.
“You’redistracted,”ColinsaidastheywalkedhandinhandontheRiverwalk,thepopularpromenadealongtheCapeFearRiver.Becauseitwasmidweek,thestreetsweren’tcrowded,andthoughitwasstillwarm,thenortherlybreezehintedatthepossibilityofcoolertemperaturesintheweeksahead.Forthefirsttimeinmonths,shewasgladshewaswearingjeans.
Sheshookherhead.“I’mjusttryingtofigureoutwhowouldhavesentmetheroses.”
“Maybeyouhaveasecretadmirer.”
“Asidefromyou,Ihaven’tmetanyonenewlately.It’snotasthoughIgooutmuch,either.I’meithervisitingmyparents,paddleboarding,oratmyplace.”
“Exceptwhenyou’reatwork.”
“Nooneatworkwouldhavesentthem,”sheresponded,butevenasshesaidthewords,Ken’simagepoppedintoherhead.Hewouldn’tdothat,wouldhe?“Besides,themessagedoesn’treallyreflectsomeone’sattempttomakemefeelspecial.Itdoesjusttheopposite,infact.”
“Whataboutaclient?”
“Iguessit’spossible,”sheconceded,butshehadtroublebelievingit.
Colinsqueezedherhand.“Onewayortheother,you’llfindoutwhoheis.”
“Youthinkit’sahe?”
“Don’tyou?”
Shenodded,absolutelysureofit,thoughtherewasnorealindication.“Themessage…bothersme.”
Shehopedthathe’dsaysomethingtomakeherfeelbetter.Instead,hetookafewstepsbeforeglancingather.
“Itbothersme,too.”
SpendingtimewithColinsomehowlessenedherunease.Oratleastitpreventedherfromdwellingonwhomighthavesenttheflowersandwrittenthenote.Shedidn’thavethefaintestcluewhoitmightbe,otherthanKen,andwhiletherewasmuchtodislikeabouttheman,shecouldn’timaginehimdoingsomethinglikethat.
AssheandColinwalked,theconversationdriftedfromonetopictoanother.Eventuallytheystoppedforicecreamcones,Colinsurprisingherbyorderingoneaswell.TheyatethemastheystoodattherailingthatofferedaviewoftheUSSNorthCarolina,abattleshipthathadengagedinextensiveactioninWorldWarIIandhadbeenformallyretired,nowdockedontheothersideoftheCapeFearRiver.Sherememberedtouringitonceonafieldtrip,recallinghowcrampeditwasbelowdecks,theclaustrophobicfeelingofthenarrowcorridorsandtinyrooms.Shewonderedhowsailorshadmanagedtostayonboardformonthsatatimewithoutlosingtheirminds.
TheytraversedthelengthoftheRiverwalkwhilethesettingsunslowlyturnedtherivertogold,thenleisurelybrowsedthroughwhatevershopscaughttheirinterest.Bythetimethemoonhadbeguntoglowoverthehorizon,theyfinallystoppedfordinner,andasshesatacrossthetablefromColin,shefoundherselfhopingthatherparentswouldgettoknowthissideofhim,theonethatmadeherfeelcomfortableandatease.Shewantedthemtowitnesshowhappyshewaswhenshewaswithhim.Ontheirwaybacktohercondo,sheinvitedColintobrunchagain,evenifshewasn’tsureherparentswerereadyforanothervisit.
Whentheymadelovethatnight,itwasslowandtender,adeliberatedanceashemovedaboveher,whisperinghernameandhowmuchshemeanttohim.Shegaveherselfovertohimcompletely,lostinthemomentandlostinhim.Intheafterglow,shefellasleepwithherheadonhischest,lulledbythesteadyrhythmofhisheartbeat.Shewokeuptwice—oncealittleaftermidnightandthesecondtimeanhourbeforedawn—andinthestillnessofthosemomentsshestaredathim,stillamazedthatthey’dbecomeacoupleandmorecertainthaneverthateachofthemwasexactlywhattheotherneeded.
WhensheenteredherofficeWednesdaymorning,herfirstthoughtwasthatsheneededtogetridofthecard.Shetoreitintopiecesanddroppedthemintothewastebasket,thenpulleduptoherofficecomputer.Reviewinghermessages,shecheckedwhetheranyofherclientshadmentionedsendingtheflowers,butfoundnothing.
Meanwhile,Barneywaswaitingforherintheconferenceroom,anditwasn’tuntilnearlynoonthatshefinallygotbacktoheroffice.InherinboxshefoundyetanotherfilethatBarneyhade-mailed,accompaniedbyamessagesuggestingshegetajump-startonitsinceheneededasummarybytomorrow.Whichmeanttakeoutlunchatherdeskagain.Glancingoverattheroses,sherealizedshedidn’twanttheminheroffice.Grabbingthebouquetandherpurse,sheleftthebuilding,roundingthecornertowardthegarbagebins.
SheheavedthebouquetintotheDumpster,andwasstartingtowardhercarwhenshehadthesuddensensethatsomeonewaswatchingher.Spottingnooneinhervicinity,shedismissedthefeelingatfirst.Butitgrewstronger,andasshebeganfishingthroughherpurseforhercarkeys,sheglancedtowardthebuilding.
There,standingathisofficewindow,wasKen.
Shedroppedhergazetowardherpurseagain,pretendingshehadn’tnoticedhim.Whatwashedoingandhowlonghadhebeenstandingthere?Forallsheknew,therewassomeoneelseinhisofficeandhewasstandingnearthewindowwithhisbacktothem,butifhehadbeenatthewindowwhenshe’dwalkedout,he’dnodoubtseenherthrowingawaytheroses.Andthatwasn’tgood.Ifhe’dsentthem,hewasprobablygoingtobeangry;ifhehadn’t,hemightassumethatsheandColinwereontheouts.Eitherway,sheworriedthatKenjustmightfeeltheurgetodropbyherofficeagainforfurtherdiscussionsonwhethershewasreallyateamplayer
Pullingopenhercardoor,shewashitbyablastofheatfromthesun-cookedinterior,andassoonassheturnedontheengine,sheturnedontheairconditioner.Shedecidedtodrivetotheorganicmarket,whichhadanamazingsaladbar,andassheexitedtheparkinglot,shecheckedherrearviewmirror,assumingKenwouldbegone.
Buthehadn’tleftthewindow.Andthoughhewastoofarawayforhertoknowforsure,shecouldn’tescapethefeelingthathe’dbeenwatchingherallalong
Returningfromthestore,sheparkedinthesamespotshe’dvacated,decidingtoleavethewindowscrackedtocooltheinterior.Ken’scarwasalreadygone,andifhistorywasanyindication,hewouldn’tbebackuntilonethirtyorso.Relieved,shetriedtosettleintowork.Betweentheroses,themessage,andnowKen,shefeltreadytocollectherthingsandgohome.Maybeshecouldfeignamigraineandleaveearly…butwhatwasthepoint?Barneywouldstillexpecthertocompletethework,andevenathome,sheknewshe’dcontinuetoobsessovertheday’sevents.
Youwillknowhowitfeels.
Howwhatfeels?
Becauseshe’drejectedKen’sadvances,washeplanningtomakeherworklifeevenmoremiserable?
Ifso,whatwouldthatmean?
Shetriedtoforcethequestionsawaywhileputtingtogetheratimelinerelatingtoacustomerwho’dbeeninjuredinafallandwassuingadepartmentstore.Itwouldtakemostoftheafternoon,andasshebegantojotdownnotes,sheobservedthatherentireprofessionwaspartofagiantgameinwhichtheobjectwastoamassbillablehours,makingattorneystheonlyguaranteedwinners.
Itwasacynicalview,buthowelsecouldsheexplainhowshewasalwayssobusydespitethefactthatjusticewasanythingbutswift?Shewasstillworkingoncasesthathadbeeninitiallyfiledyearsago,andthecaseBarneyhadjustassignedherhadnochanceofreachingthecourtroomforatleasteighteenmonths.Andthat’sifthingswentsmoothly,whichwasvirtuallyimpossible,sincethingsneverwentsmoothly.SowhydidBarneyneedthetimelinebytomorrow?Whatwassourgent?
Atthebackofhermind,shekeptpicturingKenashe’dwatchedher.Shewasn’tgoingtolethimblindsideheragainifhedroppedbytosupposedlydiscusshercareer.Shedecidedtokeepherofficedoorwideopeneventhoughtheambientofficenoisetendedtodistracther.Thatway,ifKendiddecidetopayheravisit,she’dhaveafewextrasecondstoprepare.
Fromherwindow,itwaspossibletoseeKen’sparkingspot.Predictably,themandrovearedCorvette,andatonethirtyonthedot,hepulledin.Shehalfexpectedhimtodropbyassoonasheenteredthebuilding,buttoherrelief,hedidn’tappear.Nordidheswingbylater,eventovisittheparalegals.Whenheremainedano-showatfive,sheremindedherselfnottostaylate.ShecloseddownherMacBookandgatheredpapercopiesofherfiles,loadingitallintoherbag.Peekingoutthewindow,shedidaquickdoubletakewhensherealizedthatKen’scarwasalreadygonefortheday.
Whatever.Tomorrowwouldlikelybringmoresurprises.
Leavingheroffice,shesaidgood-byetoJillandheadedforhercar.Asalways,shewentaroundtothepassenger-sidedoorfirstsoshecouldputherbagontheseat,butassoonasshepulleditopen,sheletoutaninadvertentcry.
Thebouquetofroses,alreadyshrivelingintheheat,wasfannedneatlyacrosstheseat,asiftryingtotaunther.
Colinsatacrossfromherinherlivingroom,hiselbowsonhisknees.MariahadcalledhimrightafterthrowingtherosesbackintotheDumpster,andhe’dbeenwaitingatherdoorwhenshegothome.
“Idon’tgetit,”shesaid,stillfeelingflushedandpanicky.“WhatdoesKenwant?”
“Youknowwhathewants.”
“Andhethinksthisisthebestwaytogetit?Bysendingmeflowersandaweirdunsignednote?Andbystuffingtherosesbackinmycarandfreakingmeout?”
“Ican’tanswerthat,”Colinsaid.“Ithinktherealquestioniswhatyou’regoingtodoaboutit.”Hecontinuedtoholdhergaze,unmoving,butthetensingofhisjawmadeitclearthathewasasdisturbedbythewholethingasshewas.
“Idon’tknowthatthere’sanythingIcando.ThenotewasunsignedandIdidn’tactuallywatchhimputtherosesinmycar.Ican’tproveanyofit.”
“Andyou’repositiveitwasKen?”
“Whoelsecoulditbe?Therewasnooneelsearound.”
“Areyousure?”
Sheopenedhermouthtoreplybutquicklycloseditbecauseshehadn’tevenconsideredthealternative.Justbecauseshehadn’tseenanyoneelsedidn’tmeanthereactuallyhadbeennooneelse,buttheideawastoofrighteningtocontemplate.
“It’shim,”shesaid.“Ithastobehim.”Buteventoherownears,italmostsoundedlikeshewastryingtoconvinceherself.CHAPTER15
Colin
ColinspentthenightwithMaria.Thoughshehadn’taskedhimtostay,he’dknownthatshehadn’twantedhimtoleave.She’dbeenonedgemostoftheevening,unabletoeat,andhecouldsenseherminddriftingoff.Aftershe’dfinallyfallenasleep,helayawakestaringattheceiling,tryingtoputthepiecestogether.She’dtoldhimenoughaboutKentogiveColinaprettygoodpicture,andhe’dbeenfightingtheurgeeversincetopaythemanavisit.Thesexualharassmentwasbadenough,butKenwasabullyaswell,andColinknewfromhisownexperiencethatpeoplelikethatdidn’tstopabusingtheirpowerunlesssomeonemadethem.OrputthefearofGodintothem.
However,Mariahadmadeitclearthatshedidn’twantColintotalktoKenorevengoanywherenearhim,ifonlyforColin’sowngood.Colinunderstoodthat:Themanwasawell-knownlawyer,andevenacrediblethreatmightbeenoughtoputColinbehindbars.HehadnodoubtthatMargolisandthelocaljudgeswouldmakesureofthat.
Still,thesituationhadfeltmoreconfusingthemorethey’dtalkedaboutit.Thenote,combinedwiththefactthattheroseshadbeenplacedinhercar,feltlikeathreat.Itfeltpersonal,andwhileKenhadtroublecontrollinghislibidoandhadbeenstandingatthewindow,therestofitdidn’taddup.Whatwasthepointofthenote?HowhadKenknownMariawoulddecidetothrowtherosesawayatthatmoment?OrifKenhadplannedtoputtheminthecar,whyhadhecontinuedtostandinthewindow,knowingthatMariawouldnodoubtassumehewasguilty?HehadtoknowthatscaringMariawouldmakeitmorelikelythatshe’dreporthisharassment.AndwhatifanotheremployeeintheofficehadnoticedhimretrievingtherosesfromthegarbageandplacingtheminMaria’scar?Wouldhehavebeenwillingtotakethatkindofrisk?Mostoftheofficeshadwindows.
Allofwhichmeant…what?IfKenhaddoneit,he’dslippedoffthementalbuildingledgeandwasplummetingtowardtheground,obviouslyunabletothinkclearly.Andifitwasn’tKen?
Thatwasthequestionthatbotheredhimmost.
WhenMariawokeinthemorning,Colinofferedtofollowherintowork,butshetoldhimthatshe’dbefine.Itwasn’tuntilhewasdrivingbacktoEvan’sthatherealizedhewasasedgyaboutthewholethingasshe’dbeenthenightbefore.Angry,even,andassoonashegothome,hetossedonhisworkoutgearandwasoutthedoor.
Hewentforarunandputthemusicvolumeonhigh,pickinguphispaceuntilhisbreathinggrewlabored.Whenhefinallyfeltdrainedofhisanger,heexperiencedaslowlyemergingclarity.
He’ddowhatMariaaskedandstayawayfromKen,butthatdidn’tmeanthathewaswillingtositbackanddonothing.
NoonewasgoingtofrightenMariaandgetawaywithit.
“Haveeitherofyouconsideredcallingthepolice?”Evanasked.
TheywereatthetableinEvan’skitchen,afewminutesafterColinhadofferedEvantheCliffsNotesversionofallthathadhappened,includingwhatheplannedtodo.
Colinshookhishead.“Thepolicewon’tdoanything.”
“Butsomeonebrokeintohercar.”
“Hercarwasunlocked,thewindowswereopen,nothingwastaken,andtherewasnodamage.Thefirstthingthey’llaskis,what’sthecrime?Andthenthey’llaskwhodidit,andallshe’llbeabletoofferisheropinions.”
“Whataboutthemessage?Aren’ttherestalkinglaws?”
“Thenoteisweird,butthere’snoclearthreat.Andthere’snoproofthatthepersonwhosenttheflowerswasthesamepersonwhoputtheminhercar.”
“Isometimesforgetthatyou’vehadalotofexperienceinthisarea.ButI’mstillnotsurewhyyouthinkyouneedtotakecareofit.”
“Idon’tneedtodoit.Iwantto.”
“AndwhatifMariadoesn’tlikeyourplan?”WhenColindidn’tanswer,Evanwavedahand.“Becauseyouplanontellingher,right?Sinceyou’reallabouthonesty?”
“It’snotthatbigofadeal.”
“Youdidn’tanswermyquestion.”
“Yes,I’lltellher.”
“When?”
“Today.”
“Andifsheasksyounotto?”
WhenColindidn’tanswer,Evansatupstraighter.
“You’lldoitanyway.Becauseyou’vealreadymadeyourdecision,amIcorrect?”
“Iwanttoknowwhat’sgoingon.”
“Youdoknowthatthisiswhatyou’vedoneinthepast,right?Dowhateverthehellyouwant,yourfuturebedamned?”
“I’mmakingphonecalls.I’lltalktopeople.”Colinshrugged.“It’snotillegal.”
“Noargumentthere.ButI’mtalkingaboutwhatyoumightdecidetodoafterwards.”
“IknowwhatI’mdoing.”
“Doyou?”
WhenColindidn’trespondrightaway,Evanleanedbackinhisseat.“DidItellyouthatLilywantsthefourofustogoouttogetherthisweekend?”
“No.”
“ShewasthinkingSaturdaynight.ShewantstomeetMaria.”
“Okay.”
“Shouldn’tyoucheckwithMariafirst?”
“I’lltalktoher,butI’msureshe’llbefinewithit.Whatareyouthinkingaboutdoing?”
“Dinner.Andthenafterwards,we’llfindsomeplacefun.Ithinkallthoselessonsputherinthemoodtogodancing.”
“Salsadancing?”
“ShesaysIdon’thavetherhythmforit.It’llbesomeotherkindofdancing.”
“Ataclub?”
“Sinceyouobviouslyescapedwithouttroublelasttime,Lily’softheopinionthatyoucandoitagain.”
“Okay.”
“Ihaveanotherquestion,though.”ColinwaitedasEvanstaredacrossthetableathim.“Whathappensifyoudofindtheguy?”
“I’lltalktohim.”
“Evenifit’sherboss?”WhenColindidn’tanswer,Evanshookhishead.“IknewIwasright.”
“Rightaboutwhat?”
“Youdon’thavetheslightestideawhatyou’regettinginto.”
WhileColinunderstoodthatEvanwasworried,hedidn’tthinkhisconcernwasjustified.HowhardcoulditbetofigureoutwhetherKensenttheroses?Allitwouldtakewasafewphonecalls,somepointedquestions,andaphoto…Lordknowshe’dbeenonthereceivingendofcountlessinterrogations,andheknewthatgettinganswerswasoftenaboutpresenceandexpectationandsoundingofficial.Mostpeoplewantedtotalk;mostpeoplecouldn’tshutup,evenwhenitwasintheirbestinterest.Hefiguredthatifhewaslucky,he’dhavehisanswerbymidafternoon.
Inthekitchenbackathisplace,heopenedhiscomputeranddidaquicksearchforKenMartenson.Nothardtofind—theguywasevenmoreconnectedthanColinexpected—buttherewerefewerphotosthanhe’dthoughttherewouldbe,andnonewerewhathereallywanted;toofaraway,tooblurry.Eventhephotoonthefirmwebsitehadtobeatleasttenyearsold—atthetime,Kenhadagoatee,whichalteredhisappearancetoasignificantdegree.Colinwouldhavetotakehisownphoto,hedecided.Excepthedidn’thaveahigh-qualitycamerawithatelephotolens.HedoubtedwhetherEvanhadadecentcamera,either;Evanwouldn’thavespentthemoney.Theguywastighterthanatick.
ButMariahadone.
Hecalledhercellandleftamessageaskingifshewasfreeforlunch.Bythetimeshetextedhimbacktoseewhetherhecouldmeetathalfpastnoon,hewasinclass.Butashereadhertext,theprofessordroningoninthebackground,herealizedthathe’dbeenholdingmoretensioninhisneckthanhe’dnoticed.
Heforcedhimselftotakedeep,steadybreaths.
“Youwanttoborrowmycamera?”
Theywereseatedontheoutdoorpatioofasmallcafé,waitingfortheirfoodtoarrive.ThoughColinhadn’teatensincethenightbefore,hewasn’thungry.
“Yes.”Colinnodded.
“Why?”
“IneedaphotoofKen.”
Sheblinked.“Excuseme?”
“Theonlywaytoknowforsurewhoorderedtheflowersistofindtheflorist.Icanthenshowthefloristthephotoandaskifhe’stheonewhoboughtthem.”
“Whatifheorderedbyphone?”
“Ifhepaidwithacreditcard,I’llgetthename.”
“Theywon’tgiveittoyou.”
“Maybe.Maybenot.I’dstillliketoborrowyourcamera.”
Mariadebatedbeforeshakingherhead.“No.”
“Whynot?”
“Forstarters,he’smyboss.Healsoknowswhatyoulooklike,andifheseesyou,it’sonlygoingtogetworseformearoundthere.Besides,IsawKenthismorningandIhavethesenseit’salreadyover.”
“Yousawhim?”
“HecametotalktoBarneyandmeaboutoneofourcasesfirstthinginthemorning.Toletusknowhe’dheardthatitwasfinallyonthedocket.”
“Youdidn’tmentionthatwhenIcalled…”
“Ididn’tknowIhadto.”
Hecaughtthefirsthintoffrustrationcreepingintohertone.
“Howdidheact?”
“Itwasfine,”shestated.“Hewasnormal.”
“Andyouweren’tbotheredwhenheshowedup?”
“OfcourseIwas.Myheartpracticallyjumpedoutofmychest,butwhatcouldIdo?Barneywasrightthere.ButKendidn’ttrytotalktomealone,andhedidn’tspendanytimewiththeparalegals,either.Hewasallbusiness.”
Colinclaspedhishandstogetherbeneaththetable.“Withorwithoutyourcamera,I’mgoingtofindoutwhosentyoutheflowers.”
“Idon’tneedyoutosolvemyproblems,Colin.”
“Iknow.”
“Thenwhyarewestilltalkingaboutthis?”
Colinkepthisexpressionsteady.“Becauseyoustilldon’tknowwithanycertaintythatKenwastheonewhodidit.You’remakinganassumption.”
“It’snotanassumption.”
“Woulditbesowrongtomakesure?”
Therewasatime,Colinknew,whenhewouldn’thavegivenadamnaboutanyofthis.Therewasnoreasontogetinvolved.Shewasright,afterall.Itwasherproblem,andfrankly,hehadenoughproblemsofhisown.
However,Colinconsideredhimselfanexpertinanger.Andatitsheart,that’swhatthiswasallabout.Atthehospital,he’dlearnedthedifferencesbetweenovertandcovertanger;inhisownlife,he’dbeenwellversedinboth.Atthebars,whenhewasinthemoodtofight,hisangerhadbeenovert.Hisagendawasclear,withnohiddenmeanings,noshame,andnoregret.Inthefirstcoupleofweeksatthehospital,though,hehadn’tbeenabletoactoutinanywayifhebecameangry.Thedoctorshadmadeitclearthatifhebecameviolent—ifhesomuchasraisedhisvoice—he’dendupintheacutecareward,whichmeantbeingstuckinacommunalroomwithadozenotherpeople,andmandatorylithiumindosesthatmadehimfeeldull,whiledoctorsandnurseswatchedhiseverymove.Thatwasthelastthinghewanted.Instead,he’dpushedhisangerdown,tryingtokeepithidden,butafterawhileherealizedthattheangerdidn’tgoaway.Instead,itsimplytransformedfromoverttocovert.Subconsciously,hebegantomanipulatepeople;hesensedexactlywhatbuttonsneededtobepressedtopisssomeoneoff,andhejabbedatthosebuttonsuntiltheyfinallyblew.Onebyone,othersweresenttotheacutecarewardwhileheplayedinnocent,untilhisdoctorfinallycalledhimonwhathe’dbeendoing.Countlesshoursoftherapylater,Colinfinallyunderstoodthatangerwasanger,whetherovertorcovert,andequallydestructiveeitherway.
That’swhatsomeonewasactingouthere,hethought.Angerwiththeintenttomanipulate.WhoeveritwaswantedMaria’semotionstostartgoinghaywire,andwhileitwascovertfornow,hesensedthiswasonlythebeginning.
ToColin’smind,thatmadeKenevenlesslikelyasasuspect,butthenitwastheonlynamehehad.Nochoicebuttostartthere.AfterMariareluctantlyhandedhimthekeytohercondoattheendoflunch,hedrovetoherplaceandretrievedthecamera.Heturnediton,makingsurethebatterieshadenoughjuice,andranthroughthevarioussettings.Checkedthezoomandtooksomeshotsoffherbalconybeforerealizingthathereallyneededtoshootfacestoknowhowclosehe’dhavetobe.
Aftertuckingthekeyintoaplanterpotnearthedoorasinstructed,hedrovetothebeach,wherenoonewouldthinktwiceaboutamanwithacamera.Itwasn’tcrowded,buttherewereenoughpeoplearoundforhimtogetwhatheneeded,andhespentanhourphotographingpeoplefromvariousdistances.Intheend,hecalculatedthathecouldbenomorethanfiftyyardsaway.Good,butnotgreat.Kenmightstillbeabletorecognizehim.He’dneedavantagepointwherehewouldn’tbespotted.
MostofthehistoricalbuildingsoneithersideoftheblockwhereMaria’sofficestoodweretwoorthreestoriestall,withflatroofs.Carslinedbothsidesofthestreet,andthoughtherewereafewtrees,nonewasbigenoughtohidebehind.Thefoottrafficwasnotheavybutsteady;remaininginconspicuouswhilehunkeringdownforanhourormorewithacamerainhandwasprettymuchoutofthequestion.
Raisinghisgaze,hefocusedonthebuildingshe’djustwalkedpast,theonesoppositetheofficeentrance.Thedistancewasgoodandtheanglewasperfect,butitraisedthequestionofhow—orevenif—hecouldgetupthere.
Herecrossedthestreet,hopingtofindafireescape.Moderntwo-tothree-storybuildingsdidn’thavethem,andassoonashereachedthenarrowalleythatranbehindtheblock,herealizedhewashalf-lucky.Thebuildingsdirectlyoppositethelawofficehadnoroofaccess,butthethree-storybuildingnexttothosehadanold-fashioneddrop-downladdertenorelevenfeetupthatledtoametallandingonthesecondfloor.Toughbutnotimpossibletoreach,andthoughtheanglethebuildingofferedwasn’tideal,itwashisbestandonlybet.Headingdownthealley,heputthestraparoundhisneckandtuckedthecamerabeneathhisshirt.Hetookacoupleofexplosivestepstowardthewall,hopingtouseitasaspringboardtolaunchhimselfevenhigherandgainthelastfewinchesheknewhe’dneed.
Hediditjustright,grabbingontothebottomrungwithbothhands.Withahardjerkupward,hegotonehandonthenextrungup,repeatingtheprocessuntilhereachedthelanding.Thankfully,theladderwasattachedtothebuildingabovethat,andafewmomentslater,hewasontheroof.Downonthestreet,nooneappearedtohavenoticedhim.
Sofar,sogood.
HemadehiswaytothecornerclosesttoMaria’soffice.Thelipoftheroofwaslow—nomorethansixinches—butsomecoverwasbetterthannone.Thankfullythegravelwassmoothhere;therewerenobigpebbles,thoughthesewerescatteredeverywhereelse.Therewereabunchofgumwrappersthough,andashegotintopositiononhisstomach,hebrushedthoseaway.Heaimedthecameraandsettledintowait.Tohissurprise,hecouldactuallyseeMariaassheworkedatherdeskinheroffice;hecouldalsomakeouthercarand,beyondthat,thegarbagebins.Hercarwasparkedinherusualspot,andafewspotsdownhesawKen’sCorvette.
Abitmorethananhourlater,thefirstpeopleintheofficebegantostreamout,usuallyoneatatime,butsometimesinpairs.Paralegals—andyes,asMariahadmentioned,allofthemwereattractive—acoupleofguysintheirforties,Maria’sfriendJill.Severalotherpeople,followedafewminuteslaterbyMaria.Hefollowedherwiththelens,thinkingthatshewasmovingmoreslowlythanusual.Whenshereachedthecornerofthebuilding,sheglancedaround,nodoubttryingtofindhim.Hewatchedherforeheadformafrownbeforeshefinallyheadedtohercar.
Focusingontheentranceagain,hestillsawnosignofKen.Justwhenhebegantowonderwhethertheonsetofduskwouldblurthedetailhewanted,Kenfinallypushedthroughthedoor.Colinheldhisbreath,snappedoffadozenphotosbeforeKenturnedintotheparkinglot,thenrolledtohissidetoexaminetheimages,hopingthatoneortwowouldbegoodenough.
Theywere.
HewaiteduntilKenpulledawaybeforegettingupandmakinghiswaydownfromtheroofthesamewayhe’dgoneup.Again,nooneappearedtonoticehim,andbythetimehereachedhiscar,duskwassettlingin.HestoppedatadrugstoreonthewayhomeandselectedtwoofthephotosforprocessingbeforeheadingbacktoMaria’s.
He’dpromisedtobringhercameraback.
“NowonderIcouldn’tfindyou,”shesaidtohimlater,thephotosonherkitchentable.“Sotomorrow…”
“I’llstartcallingflorists.Andhopefullyfindoutthetruth.”
“Andifitwasaphoneorder?”
“I’lltellthemthetruth.Thatyouwerewonderingwhetherthewrongcardwasattachedtothedelivery.Andthatyou’rewonderingwhothey’refrom.”
“Theymightnottellyou.”
“I’mjustaskingforaname,notthenumber.I’dbetthatmostpeoplewouldbewillingtohelp.”
“AndwhenyoufindoutthatitwasKen?”
ItwasthesamequestionthatEvanhadaskedhimearlier,andhe’dpondereditonandoffsincethen.“Thedecisionastowhattodonextwouldbeyours.”
Shenodded,tight-lipped,beforefinallystandingfromthetableandmovingtothebalconydoors.Shestoodbeforethem,sayingnothingforalongmoment.Colinrosefromhisseat.Whenhewasclose,heputahandonherlowerbackandfeltsomethingcollapsebeneathhistouch.
“I’mjustsotiredoftalkingaboutit.I’mtiredofeventhinkingaboutit.”
“Let’sgetoutofhereandgodosomethingthatwilltakeyourmindoffit.”
“Likewhat?”
“HowaboutIsurpriseyou?”
StaringoutthewindowoftheCamaroasitsatbetweenacoupleofminivans,shemadenomovetogetoutofthecar.“Thisisyoursurprise?”
“Ithoughtitmightbefun.”
“Minigolf?Seriously?”
Mariaeyedwithobviousskepticismthecheerylightsthatsurroundedtheentrance.Beyondtheglassdoorsshecouldmakeoutanarcade;offtotheleftwastheminiaturegolfcourse,completewithrotatingwindmillsaspartofwhatColinguessedwasaScandinaviantheme.
“Notjustminigolf.It’sglow-in-the-darkminigolf.”
“And…Itakeitthatyou’vemistakenmeforatwelve-year-old?”
“It’sagooddistraction.Andwhenwasthelasttimeyouplayed?”
“Ijusttoldyou.WhenIwastwelve.KevinRosshadhisbirthdaypartyhere.Butheprettymuchinvitedtheentiresixthgradeandmymomcame,too,soitwasn’texactlyadate.”
“Butitwasmemorable.Afterwards,ifyouwant,wecantrythelasermaze.”
“Lasermaze?”
“IsawthebanneracoupleofmonthsbackwhenIwasdrivingby.Ithinkit’slikethatsceneinGetSmartwithSteveCarell,whereyouhavetotrycrossingaroomwithoutbreakingthebeams.”Whenshedidn’tanswer,hewenton.“I’dhatetothinkyou’rejustafraidImightwinandthat’swhatthisisallabout.”
“I’mnotafraidoflosingtoyou.Ifmemoryserves,IthinkIwasthebestinmyclass.”
“Isthatayes?”
“You’reon.”
Fridaymorning,Colinwokeearlyandwasoutthedoorbeforedawn.Heputinaquicksixmilesandvisitedthegymbeforegoingonlineandgatheringthephonenumbersheneeded.He’dbeensurprisedtolearnthatWilmingtonhadmorethanfortyflorists,inadditiontogrocerystoresthatalsosoldflowers,whichmeanthe’dbebusy.
Hefeltgoodaboutthenightbefore.ThoughittookMariaafewholesandacoupleofluckyputtsbeforeshebegantorelax,bythetimethey’dfinished,shewaslaughingandevendancingonthegreenaftershesankaholeinoneonthesixteenthholetopullaheadforgood.Hungry,theyskippedthelasermazeandhebroughthertoaroadsidestandnearthebeachthatspecializedinfishtacos,whichtheywasheddownwithice-coldbeer.Heaskedifshe’dbewillingtogooutwithEvanandLily—shetoldhimofcourse—andwhenshekissedhimgoodnight,hecouldtellthattheeveninghadbeenjustwhatsheneeded.
Atthebreakfastbar,hebeganmakingthefirstofhiscalls,hopinghe’dbeabletoknockoutthelistinacoupleofhours,onlytorealizethatthepersonheneededtotalktowasn’talwaysimmediatelyavailable,whichmeantasecondoreventhirdcalltothesamenumber.Still,heranthroughtheexplanationandquestionshethoughtmightworkbest:thatthewrongcardmighthavebeenattached;hadadeliverybeensenttotheoffice;hadabouquetofpinkrosesevenbeenassembled;andfortunately,mostofthepeoplehespokewithhadbeenmorethanwillingtohelp.Bythetimehehadcalledallbutahandfulofshops,itwasearlyafternoonandhe’dbeguntosuspectthatthelastoneswouldsaythesamethingtheothershadsaid:thattheyhadn’tbeenthefloristwhoassembledordeliveredthebouquet.
Hewasright.Wonderingwhattodonext,hedecidedtotrysomeout-of-townflorists;theonlyquestionwaswhichdirectiontochoose.Hechosenorth.HecalledbothfloristsinHampstead,thenfoundanothereighteeninJacksonville.
Onhissixthcall,ataplacenamedFloralHeavennearthegatesofCampLejeune,hehitthejackpot.Yes,theownertoldhim,herememberedthemanwho’dorderedthebouquet.Ithadbeenacashorder,headded.Yes,thestorewouldbeopentomorrow,andhe’dbethereaswell.
Laterthatnight,ashewastendingbar,Colinfoundhisthoughtsreturningtothefactthatsomeonehadgonetoanawfullotoftroubletotrytohidehisidentity.
AthunderstormrolledthroughonFridaynight,bringingwithitcoolertemperatures.AfterfinishinghisrunanddoingsomeyardworkonSaturdaymorning,ColinmadethedrivetoFloralHeaveninJacksonville,alittleoveranhouraway.Attheshop,ColinpulledoutthephotoofKenandshowedittotheman.
“Thiswouldn’thappentobetheguy,wouldit?”
Theowner,aportlymaninhissixtieswithspectacles,tookonlyasecondbeforeshakinghishead.“Themaninthephotoisalotolder.Theguywhoboughtthemwasmaybeinhislatetwenties,notthatIhadthatgreatalookathim.”
“No?”
“Hewaskindofastrangeguy,whichiswhyIrememberhimatall.Heworeabaseballhatandstaredatthecounterwhenhetalked.Sortofmumbled.Justtoldmewhathewantedandwalkedoutthedoor.Hecamebackanhourlater,paidcash,andleft.”
“Didyouhappentonoticeifhewasalone?”
“Iwasn’tpayingattention,”heanswered.“What’sthisallaboutagain?”
“AsImentionedonthephone,therewasastrangemessagewrittenonthecard.”
“Hedidn’taskforacard.Irememberthat,too,becauseeveryonealwayswantstowritesomething.LikeIsaid,hewasastrangeguy.”
Colin’safternoonworkoutatthegymfocusedheavilyondefensiveworkandgrappling.Surprisinghim,Dalyworkedalmostexclusivelywithhim,pushinghimharderthanusual.Inhisday,Dalyhadbeenabeastwhenitcametogroundwork,andmorethanonce,Colinfoundhimselfoutofposition,feelinglikehewasfightingforhislife.Bythetimetheworkoutended,herealizedthathehadn’tthoughtabouttheguyinthebaseballhatevenonce.
Whoeverhewas.
Thepreoccupationreturned,however,assoonashesteppedoutofthering.Beforehereachedthelockerroom,Dalyjoggedoverandpulledhimaside.
“CanItalktoyouforacoupleofminutes?”
Colinusedhisstillsoakingshirttowipethesweatfromhisface.
“Howwouldyoufeelaboutfightingnextweekend?InHavelock.”BeforeColincouldrespond,Dalywenton.“Iknowyou’rethreeweeksout,butIgotacallearlierfromBillJensen.YouknowBill,right?”
“Thepromoter,”Colinsaid.
“Youknowhowmuchhe’sdoneforourfightersovertheyears…includingyou—andhe’sinabind.Anyway,JohnnyReeseisheadliningtheevent,andtheguyhewassupposedtofightbrokehishandafewdaysagoandhadtoscratch.Reeseneedsanewopponent.”
AssoonasDalysaidthename,ColinrememberedtheconversationwithEvanfromthediner.Thedudemoveslikeacat.Dalycontinued.“Jensen’sbeentryingtofindsomeone,anditturnsoutthatyou’retheonlyguyintheweightclasswhoactuallymightmakeitinteresting.ThisisReese’slastfightbeforehegoespro,andhe’sgotthegoods.FormerNCAAwrestlingchamp,gettingbetteratstriking,forthemostpartfearless.HeactuallyhasashotatmakingittotheUFCinayearortwo,whichiswhyJensendoesn’twanttocancel.That’swhyIwentsohardwithyoutoday.Iwantedtoknowifyouwerereadytotakehimon.”
“I’mnotgoodenoughforReese.”
“Youhadmeonthedefensivemorethanafewtimestoday.Trustme,you’reready.”
“I’lllose.”
“Probably,”Dalyadmitted.“Butit’llbethebestfightofhislifetothispointbecauseyou’rebetterthanyouthinkyouare.”Hetwistedsweatfromthebottomofhisshirt.“IknowI’maskingyoutotakeariskhere,butitwouldhelpusout.Youtoo.Jensen’sthekindofguywhoneverforgetsafavor.Andyou’dbehelpingusgetsomegoodpublicityformygym.”
Colinwipedhisfaceagainbeforedeciding,Whythehellnot?
“Okay,”hesaid.Whenheleftthegym,hismindwasonJohnnyReese.Yethefoundhimselfstrangelyunexcited,andbythetimehe’ddrivenhalfwayhome,hewasn’tthinkingabouttheupcomingfightatall.TheonlythingsonhismindwerethemanwhohadsenttherosesandhowsomeoneotherthanKencouldhaveknownMariahadthrownthemaway.
“That’squitetheday,”Evancommented.Theywereontheporch,ColindrinkingwaterandEvannursingabeer.“Reese,huh?He’sprettygood.”
“Thanksforavoidingtheobvious.”
“Oh,youmeanaboutMariaandherstalker?That’swhatyouwanttotalkabout?”Evanpausedbeforegoingon.“Allright.HaveyouconsideredtheideathatKenmighthavehiredtheguytobuyanddelivertheroses?”
“Thenwhygetthemfromsomeplaceanhouraway?”
“Maybetheguyhehiredisfromthere.”
Colintookalongdrinkfromhisglassofwater.“Maybe.ButIdon’tthinkso.”
“Whynot?”
“BecauseIdon’tthinkKenhasanythingtodowiththis.”
Evanpickedatthelabelonhisbottle.“Ifit’sanyconsolation,Ithinkyou’reright.Itisn’therboss.Butontheplusside,allyourprivate-investigator,stake-out-the-roof,andphotographyactivitiespaidoffintheend.Whichmeansyou’renotatotalidiot.Evenifyou’renoclosertolearningwhoitactuallyis.”
“Ilearnedsomethingelse,too.”
“What’sthat?”
“I’llbetwhoeveritwaswatchedMariafromthatsamespotontheroofwhereItookthepicture.”
“Whyonearthwouldyouthinkthat?”
“BecausethegravelhadbeensmoothedoutwhereIwas,andthereweregumwrapperslitteredaroundthathadn’tblownaway.Meaningthatsomeonehadbeenthererecently.Andfromthatvantagepoint,IcouldseedirectlyintoMaria’soffice.SamethingwithhercarandtheDumpster.Whoeveritwascouldhavespiedonherforhours.Ididn’tputthepiecestogetheruntilrightbeforeItalkedtoyou.”
Forthefirsttime,Evanwasquiet.“Huh,”hefinallysaid.
“That’sit?”
“Maybeyou’rerightormaybeyou’rewrong.Idon’thavetheanswerforyou.”
“Andnow,I’vegotthisfightnextweekend.”
“So?”
“I’mhavingsecondthoughts.”
“Why?”
“Becauseofeverythingthat’sbeengoingonwithMaria.”
“Youtraintofight.Youliketofight.You’vebeenofferedafight.WhatdoesanyofthathavetodowithMaria?”
Colinopenedhismouthtorespond,butnothingcameout.
“Youknowwhat?YougivemecrapallthetimeabouthowLilyhasmewrappedaroundherlittlefinger,butit’sprettyclearthatIhavemyrelationshipalotmorefiguredoutthanyoudo.Becauserightnow,you’retryingtoliveyourlifebasedonwhatmighthappenorwhetheryoucansolveherproblem,evenwhenshe’stoldyoushedoesn’twantyouto.Doyouknowhowmessedupthatis?Youtoldmeshewantedtowatchyoufight,right?Askhertocome,takeheroutfordinnerafterwards,andcallitadate.Boom.Problemsolved.”
Colinofferedapartialsmile.“Ithinkyouwantmetofightbecauseyou’reprettysureI’mgoingtolose.”
“And?Fine,I’lladmitit—you’resuchanendlesspainintheassthatitmightbefunwatchingsomeonesmackyouaround.”WhenColinlaughed,Evanwenton.“Good.Sothat’ssettled.Onanothernote,areyouexcitedabouttonight?”
“Tonight?”
“YouandMaria?WithLilyandme?Wehadplans,remember?ImadereservationsatCapriceBistroatseventhirty,andafterwards,we’rehittingaclubthat’splayingeightiesmusic.”
“Eightiesmusic?”
“Isthereanechoinhere?Yes,eightiesmusic.Lily’saclosetMadonnafan.Aleftoverfromhersupposedlyrebelliousteenageyears,shesays.Sowe’redoingthis?AslongasMaria’sstillgame,Imean.”
“Whywouldn’tshebe?”
“Maybebecauseyouruinedhermoodwithwhatyoulearned?”
“Ihaven’ttoldheryet.”
“Mr.Honesty?I’mshocked.”
“Iwasplanningontellinghertonight.”
“Ifyoudothat,makesureyoudon’tmaketoobigadealaboutit.Idon’tneedyouputtingadamperontheevening.Forallyouknow,itwasaone-timethingandit’sover.”
“Ormaybe,”Colinsaid,“itisn’t.”CHAPTER16
Maria
Colinhadbeenquietsincehe’dpickedherup,whichmadeMarianervous,givenwhathe’dbeenuptoformostoftheday.Thoughhevolunteerednothing,sheknewhewasthinkingabouttheflowers.Asshewatchedhimrespondtohersmalltalkwithadistractedair,shefeltapitgrowinginherstomach.Bythetimetheypulledintotherestaurant’sparkinglot,shecouldn’tcontainherselfanylonger.
“Whosenttheroses?”
Heshutofftheengineandtoldherwhathe’dlearned.
Shefrowned,thinkingaboutit.“Ifitwasn’tKen,andyoudon’tthinkKenhiredhim,thenwhoisit?”
“Idon’tknow.”
Sheturnedtowardthepassengerwindow.Beyondtheglass,shewatchedanoldercouplewalkingintotherestaurant,allsmiles.Withoutacareintheworld.
“IsawKenagainyesterdaywhenIwasmeetingwithBarney,”shesaidinawaveringvoice.“Otherthanthefactthathewasactingalittledistracted,hewascompletelyprofessional.Infact,hebarelyseemedtonoticemeatall.Italmostmakesmethink…”
Thatit’snotKen.ShecouldtellbyColin’ssilencethathe’dbeenabletocompleteherthought.
“Let’strynottoworryaboutittonight,okay?”hesaid.
Shenodded,feelingthetensioninhershoulders.“I’lltry.It’shardnotto.”
“Iknow,”hesaid.“ButyoushouldprobablytakeamomenttoprepareyourselfforLily.Iadoreher,butshedoestakesomegettingusedto.”
Mariaforcedasmile.“That’sabackhandedcompliment,youknow.”
“GuesswhoIlearneditfrom?”
IttookMariaonlyasecondafterenteringtherestauranttoidentifyLily.AlmostassoonassheandColinhadsteppedthroughthedoor,aperfectlycoiffed,ravishingblondewitheyesthecolorofturquoiseglidedtowardthem.Sheworeastylishmidlengthdressandastrandofpearls.Practicallyeverymanintherestaurantturnedtowatchherpass.Evan,whowasdressedpreppystylishandcouldhavepassedforsomeonestillincollege,trailedinherwake.Marianoticedhisairofbreezyconfidence;hewasclearlycomfortableallowingLilythelimelight.
Lily’ssmileneverfaltered,andassoonasshegotclose,shetookMaria’shandsinherown.Theywereremarkablysoft,likeasilkybabyblanket.“Itisanabsolutedelightformetohavethepleasureofyourcompanythisevening!Colinhassaidsomanywonderfulthingsaboutyou.”Bythen,Evanhadreachedherside.“Andoh,dear!Wherearemymanners?I’mLily,andthishandsomemanbesidemeismyfiancé,Evan.It’ssowonderfultomeetyou,Maria!”
“Hithere,”Evansaidwithgenuinewarmth.“Andpleasedon’tbeoffendedifLilydoesn’tletmegetawordintherestoftheevening.”
“Hushnow,Evan,”Lilyscolded.“There’snoreasontogiveournewfriendthewrongimpressionaboutme.”ShereturnedhergazetoMaria.“Pleasetrytoforgivehim.He’sassweetascanbeandmoreintelligentthanheletson,buthewenttoStateandhewasinafraternity.Youknowwhatthatmeans.”
“Atleastmyuniversitywascoed,”Evancountered.
“AndasI’veassuredhimrepeatedly,”sheresponded,nudgingMaria,“Iwillneverholdthatflawagainsthim.”
Despiteherself,Mariasmiled.“It’snicetomeetyouboth.”
StillholdingMaria’shands,LilyturnedtoColin.“Colin,youmustadmitthatyouweren’tbeingfairtoMariaatallwhenyoutoldmeabouther!She’sabsolutelybreathtaking!”ThenbacktoMaria:“It’snowonderthatyou’vebeenallthatColinhasbeenabletothinkaboutlately.Youmustknowthatyou’vebeenthetopicofdiscussioneverytimewe’vespokeninrecentweeks,andIcancertainlyunderstandwhy.”LettinggoofMaria’shands,shekissedColinonthecheek.“You’reveryhandsomethisevening.DidIbuyyouthatshirt?”
“Thankyou,”Colinsaid.“Andyes,youdid.”
“Andthat’sagoodthing,don’tyouagree?IfIwasn’taround,you’dprobablybewearingoneofthoseawfulT-shirtswithslogansonthem.”
“Ilikethoseshirts.”
Shepattedhisarm.“Iknowyoudo,blessyourheart.Now,shallweheadtothetable?I’vebeenonpinsandneedlesalldayandIwanttoknowabsolutelyeverythingaboutthewomanwhoalreadyhasyouwrappedaroundherlittlefinger.”
“I’mnotsurethat’squitetrue,”Mariaprotested.
“Astrueasduenorth.Colin—despitehisstoicdemeanor—isactuallyquiteexpressiveinhisemotionsonceyou’refamiliarwiththem.Now,shallwe?”
Whensheturnedforthetable,ColinshruggedatMaria,asiftosayItoldyouso.WhileMariahadbecomeacquaintedwiththeSouthernbelledebutantephenomenonamongthesororitygirlsatChapelHill,Colinwasright:Lilytookittoawholenewlevel.Mariainitiallyassumedittobepartiallyanact,butastheysettledintowide-rangingconversationoverdinner,shegraduallychangedhermind.WhatwasinterestingwasthatasmuchasLilycouldtalk—andthegirlcouldtalkaboutanything—shecouldalsodrawoutinformationsimplybythewayshelistened.Shehadawayofleaningforwardslightlyandnoddingwhenappropriate;makingnoisesofempathyorsympathy,followedbyprobingquestions.MarianeveroncehadthesensethatLilywastryingtothinkofthenextthingshewantedtosaywhileMariawasstilltalking,andtohersurprisesheevenfoundherselftellingLilyandEvanaboutthedeliveryoftherosesanditsaftermath.Atthat,thetablewentquiet,andLilyimpulsivelycoveredMaria’shandwithherown.
Later,whilethetwowomenwerefresheningupintherestroomafterdinner,MariacaughtLily’sreflectioninthemirror.
“IfeellikeIdidmostofthetalking,”Mariasaid.“I’msorryaboutthat.”
“Thereisabsolutelynoreasontoapologize.Youhavealotgoingoninyourliferightnow,andI’mflatteredbyyourtrustinus.”
Mariaaddedsomelipstickbeforehervoicesoftened.“Youweren’tsurprisedbywhatColindid,wereyou?Withthephotoandtrackingdownwheretherosescamefrom?”
“No,”Lilyanswered.“That’swhoheis.Whenhelovessomeone,he’lldoanythingforthem.”
“Itfeelslikehalfthetime,I’mstilltryingtofigurehimout.”
“I’mnotsurprised,”Lilysaid.“Atthesametime,sinceyouweresohonestwithEvanandme,youmustknowthatpriortodinner,myloyaltieslaycompletelywithColin.IwantedtomeetyousoIcouldmakesurethatyouwereeverythinghesaidyouwere.”
“Youreallycareabouthim.”
“Ilovehimlikeabrother,”Lilyadmitted.“He’sveryimportanttome.AndIknowwhatyou’reprobablythinking.Wecouldn’tbemoredifferent,andIdidn’tunderstandwhatEvansawinhimatfirst,either.Allthosetattoosandmusclesandalltheviolenceinhispast…”Lilyshookherhead.“ImusthavevisitedEvanfourorfivetimesbeforeIeversaidawordtoColin,andwhenIfinallydid,thefirstthingthatcameoutofmymouthwasthatIthoughtheshouldfindanewplacetolive.AnddoyouknowwhatColinsaidtome?”
“‘Okay’?”Mariamimicked,andLilylaughed.
“Hedoesthatwithyou,too?Blesshisheart.Ihavebeentryingtobreakthathabittonoavail,butlatelyI’vecometoadmitthatitsuitshim.Atthetime,Idorememberbeingoffended.IcomplainedtoEvanandhepromisedtotalktoColin,butonlyontheconditionthatItalktohimfirst.WhichofcourseIrefusedtodoonprinciple.”
“Sowhoendedupbreakingtheice?Youorhim?”
“Colindid.I’dpurchasedEvanatelevisionforhisbirthdayaroundthattime,anditwasinthetrunk.Colinhappenedtocomeacrossmestrugglingwiththebox.Heimmediatelyofferedtohelp.HebroughtitinandaskedifIwantedtohaveitmountedorleftinthebox.WhichwassomethingIhadn’tthoughtabout.ItoldhimthatEvanwoulddoit,buthesortoflaughedandsaidthatEvanwouldn’tknowhowtodosuchathing.ThenextthingIknew,hewasonhiswaytothehardwarestore,andtwentyminuteslater,hewasmountingitonthewall.He’dalsopickedupabigribbonandbow,anditwasthat,morethananything,thatmademewonderwhethertherewassomethingabouthimthatwasworthgettingtoknow.Sowetalked.IttookaboutthirtysecondsofaskinghimquestionsbeforeIrealizedthathewasn’tlikeanyoneI’devermetbefore.”
“Colinsaidyourecommendedthathegobacktocollege.Andthatyouhelpedhimwithhisstudies.”
“Someonehadto.Thepoormanhadn’tcrackedabookinyears.Buthemadeiteasy,becauseoncehe’ddecidedtogoback,hewasdeterminedtodohisbest.Andhe’sintelligent.Despitehavingmovedfromschooltoschool,hemusthavepickedupsomethingalongtheway.”
“Andhe’sEvan’sbestman?”
Lilypulledatissuefromherpurseanddabbedatherlipstickasshenodded.“Yes.Ofcourse,myparentsareabsolutelyaghastattheidea.Asfarastheyknow,he’sEvan’sfriend,notmine,andtheycontinuallyhintthatIshouldkeepmydistance.ThefirsttimemydaddysawColin,heactuallyflinched,andmymamahasgonesofarastosuggestthatheshouldn’tevenbeinvitedtothewedding,letalonebethebestman.EvenwhenItellthemthathe’smyfriend,too,theypretendtheydidn’thearmesayit.TheyarerootedintheirwaysandIwillalwaysbetheirpreciouschild,blesstheirhearts.”
“Mymomanddadweren’ttoothrilledwithColin,either.”
“It’sunderstandable.Butunlikemyparents,I’llbetyourswillgivehimachanceandeventuallychangetheirminds.Idid,afterall.Evennow,Isometimeshavetroubleunderstandingit.Inallcandor,ColinandIdon’thavemuchincommon.”
“I’dhavetoagree.”
Lilysmiled,straighteningherpearlsbeforeturningtoMaria.“Still,there’ssomethingaboutthatheartfelthonestyofhis,coupledwithnotgivingadamnaboutwhatotherpeoplethinkabouthim,thatjustgetstome.”
Mariacouldn’thelpsmilinginagreement.
“YoumustbelievemewhenItellyou,”Lilyadded,“thathe’smuchlessrougharoundtheedgesthanwhenIfirstmethim.It’sbeenanextraordinaryeffortonmypart.”Shewinked.“Butthere’snoreasontothankme.Youready?I’msuretheladsarealreadypiningforus.”
“Idon’tthinkColinpines.”
“He’spining,”shesaid.“Hemightnotadmitit,butheis.”
“Iwasn’tpining,”Colinsaidonthewaytohiscar.Upahead,LilywaswalkingwithEvantowardhisPrius.“IwastalkingtoEvanaboutmyfight.”
“TheoneinMyrtleBeach?”
“No.Theonenextweekend.”
“Whatfight?”
Colinfilledherin,thenadded,“Evanwillbecoming.Youshouldcome,too.”
“WillLilycome?”
“No,”Colinsaid.“Fighting’snotreallyLily’sthing.”
“I’msurprisedit’sEvan’sthing.”
“Healwaysgoestomyfights.Heenjoysthem.”
“Really?Hedoesn’tseemthetype.”
“Andwhattypeisthat?”
“Peoplewhoresembleyou,”Mariateased.“Bigmusclesandtattoos,butmainlypeoplewhodon’tlooklikethey’llfaintatthefirstsignofblood.”
Hesmiled.“Doyouwanttocome?”
“Sure.Butthesameruleapplies.Youcan’tgettoobeatuporit’llbringbackmemoriesofthefirstnightwemet.”
“Okay.”
“Yousaythatnow,butthewayyoutalkedaboutJohnnyReese,youmightnotbeabletoguaranteeit.”
“Noguarantees,”heconceded.“WhatdidyouandLilytalkaboutwhenyouwereinthebathroom?”
“Mainlywetalkedaboutyou.”
“Okay.”
“Nofollow-upquestions?”
“No.”
“Howcanyounotbeinterestedinwhatwesaid?”
“BecausethatwasbetweenyouandLily.It’snotmybusiness.Andbesides,itcouldn’thavebeentoobad,oryouwouldn’tstillbeholdingmyhand.”
“Sowhatkindofclubarewegoingto?”
“AllIknowisthatitplayseightiesmusic.That’soneofLily’squirks.EvantoldmethatlisteningtoMadonnawasthewaysherebelledwhenshewasateenager.”
“Huh.Notmuchofarebellion…”
“Nottoyouorme.ButtoLily’sparents?I’msuretheywrungtheirhandsforyears.Theydon’tlikememuch.”
“Maybeyoushouldinvitethemtoafight,”shesaid.“That’llprobablychangetheirminds.”Sheheardhimlaughasheopenedherdoor,thesoundcontinuingasheroundedthecartothedriver’sside.
DespitetheblaringsoundofREOSpeedwagon,thesceneattheclubwasn’tatallwhatsheexpected.Insteadofdivorcedwomenandbaldingmenintheirfortiestryingtorelivetheiryouth,theclubwaspopulatedprimarilybystudentsfromtheuniversity;MariahalfexpectedtospotSerenawithherfriends.Groupsofcollegegirlsweredancinginclusters,singingorlip-syncingtothemusic.
Colinleanedclosertoherear.“Whatdoyouthink?”
“Ifeelold,”sheadmitted.“ButIlikethemusic.”
Evanpointedtowardthebar,andColinnoddedbeforereachingforherhand,maneuveringheraroundtablesandgroupsofpeopletothethrongedbararea.Whentheywerefinallyabletogetthebartender’sattention,Colinorderedwater—nosurprisethere—Evanorderedabeer,andbothMariaandLilyorderedseabreezes.Halfwaythroughtheirdrinks,asongbyMadonnastartedtoplayandadelightedLilyclappedbeforeleadingEvantothefloor.Suddenlythinking,Oh,whatthehell?,MariagrabbedColin’shandandtheyfollowed.
Theeveningspedbyastheydancedtosetsofthreeorfoursongsinarow,stoppingonlyfortheoccasionalbreak.Mariaorderedasecondseabreeze,andthoughshehadn’tfinishedthefirst,shefeltgiddyandflushed.Forthefirsttimeinaweek,she’dactuallybeenabletoenjoyherself.
Athalfpasteleven,theywereabletocommandeerasmalltableforthefirsttime.Theyweretakingabreakanddebatinghowmuchlongertostaywhenayoungcocktailwaitressappearedholdingatrayofdrinks.SheplacedanotherseabreezeinfrontofMaria.
Mariawaveditoff.“Ididn’torderthis.”
“Yourfriendorderedit,”thewaitressexplained,strainingtobeheardabovethemusic.
MariashotColinaquizzicallook.“Youorderedanotherdrink?”
Whenheshookhishead,sheturnedtoEvan,whoseemedassurprisedasColin.Lilyalsoappearedconfused.
“Whoorderedit?”Mariaasked.
“Yourfriendfromthebar,”thewaitresssaid,turningherheadinthatdirection.“Theoneinthebaseballcap.”Sheleanedin.“Hetoldmetotellyouthathewasupsetthatyoudidn’tliketheroseshesentyou.”
Mariagasped;asplitsecondlater,shesawasuddenmovementasColinjumpedupfromthetable,causinghischairtotipover.Inthemomentsthatfollowed,Mariawasonlyabletoregisteraseriesofimages,likesnapshotscaughtinastrobelight:
Colintakingtwostepstowardthewaitress,hisjawbeginningtoclench…closinginsoquicklythatshedroppedthetrayofcocktails…
EvanandLilygettingupfromthetable,theirdrinkssloshingoverthem…
Barpatronsturningtheirwayatthecommotion…
Colindemandingthatthecocktailwaitresstellhimexactlywhoitwasatthebar,ferociouslyangry,repeatingthequestion…
Thewaitressbackingaway,terrified…
Bouncersbeginningtomovetowardthem…
EvantakingasteptowardColin,hishandsraised…
Mariawasfrozen,rootedtoherseat,thewaitress’swordsringinginherear.Baseballcap…Hewasupsetyoudidn’tliketheroses…
Hewashere.He’dfollowedher.He’dbeenfollowingherallalong…
Itwashardforhertobreathe,awaterfallofimages,theworldcollapsinginward.
Bouncerspushingthroughthecrowd,movingwithfrighteningspeed…
Colinshouting,demandingtoknowmoreaboutthemanwho’dorderedthedrink…
Thewaitressbackingaway,beginningtocry…
Bystandersbeginningtosurroundthem…
EvanpushingforwardandgrabbingColin’sarm…
LilymovingtowardMaria…
Mariafeltsomeoneplacebothhandsonhershouldersandbeginhelpingherfromherseat.Shedidn’thavetheenergytoresist,andallatonce,sherealizedthatLilyhadbeentheonetowhiskhertoherfeet.ShecouldhearColinshouting,evenasEvancontinuedtotughardatColin’sarm,thewaitresscryingoutinterror,strangerscircling,withbouncersclosebehind.
Strangerinblueshirt:“Whatthehell’sgoingon?”
Colin,tothewaitress:“Whatdidhelooklike?”
Strangerwithspikedhair:“Chillout!Leaveheralone!”
Waitress,throughhertears:“ItoldyouthatIdon’tknow!Hewaswearingahat!Idon’tknow!”
Strangerwithtattoos:“Whatthehell’swrongwithyou?”
Evan:“Wegottago!”
Colin:“Washeyoungorold?”
Waitress:“Idon’tknow!Twentiesorthirties?Idon’tknow!”
Evan:“Now,Colin!Comeon!”
Bythen,LilywasleadingMariaquicklyfromthetable,andoutofthecornerofhereye,MariasawEvanjerkColinoffbalance.Colinreactedinstinctively,twistingfreeimmediatelyandquicklyregaininghisequilibrium,hishandsduckingintofightingposition.Hisfacewasredandtense,themusclesinhisnecktaut;foraninstant,heseemednottorecognizeEvan.
“Colin!No!”Lilyscreamed.Evantookastepbackward,andasquicklyasithaderupted,Colin’sragebegantodissipate.
Bythen,thebouncershadreachedthem,andasMariawatched,Colinslippedhishandsbehindhisback,claspinghisleftwristwithhisrighthand.Abouncergrabbedbothhisarms,lookingasangryandadrenaline-filledasColinhadbeenamomentearlier.
“I’llgowithyou,”Colinsaid.“I’llgo.”Then,tothewaitress,whowasstillcrying,hesaid,“Iapologize.Ididn’tmeantoscareyou.”
Butneitherthewaitressnorthebouncerscared;Colinwasdraggedoutsideanditwasonlyafewminuteslaterthatasquadcararrived,bluelightsflashing.Shortlythereafter,adarksedanpulledup.
“Who’sthat?”Mariaasked,standingwithEvanoutfront,armscrossed.Lilyhadgonebackintotheclubafewminutesearlier.Intheparkinglot,Colinstoodwithtwoofficers,oneofthebouncers,andamaninawell-usedsportcoatwhowaschewingonatoothpick.
Evan’stonebetrayedhisconcern.“DetectiveMargolis.He’sbeenwaitingforColintoscrewupagain.”
“Why?”
“BecausehethinksColinshouldbeinprison.”
“Isthatgoingtohappen?”
“Idon’tknow,”Evansaid.
“Buthedidn’tdoanything,”Mariaprotested.“Hedidn’teventouchher.”
“ThankGod,orhe’dbecuffedbynow.Andhestillmightbe,unlessLilycanworkhermagic.”
“What’sshedoing?”
“Solvingtheproblem,”Evananswered.“That’swhatLilydoes.”
Intime,Lilyemergedthroughthefrontdoors,stoppingtoshakehandswithoneofthebouncerswhohaddraggedColinout.Shesmiledingenuouslyassheapproachedtheofficers.
MariawatchedasMargoliscaughtsightofherandhelduphishandtostopher.Lilyignoredhim,pressingonuntilshewascloseenoughtobeheard,andforaninterminablefewminutes,bothEvanandMariawatched,wonderingwhatLilycouldpossiblybesayingtohim.Eventually,oneoftheofficersfollowedthebouncerbackinsidetheclubwhileMargolisandtheotherofficerremainedwithColin.Margoliswasobviouslyfurious,butstillnomovewasmadetocuffColin.TheeventsofthelasthalfhourcausedMaria’sthoughtstoping-pong,wreakinghavoconheremotions.She’dbeenfollowedtothebar,whichmeantshe’dbeenfollowedfromtherestaurant,whichmeantshe’dbeenfollowedfromhome.
Heknewwhereshelivedandhe’dfollowedherhere.
Herbreathcaught,andshedistantlyregisteredEvan’svoice.
“Areyouokay?”
Shesqueezedherupperarms.ShewantedColintoholdher,yetshewasangrythathe’dlostcontrol.Orwassheafraidforhim?Shewasn’tsure.
Heknewwhereshelivedandhe’dfollowedherhere.
“No,”sheadmitted,realizingthatshewasshaking.“I’mnot.”
ShefeltEvanslipanarmaroundher.
“It’sprettymessedup,that’sforsure.IfIwereyou,I’dbeawreck.”
“What’sgoingtohappentoColin?”
“He’llbeallright.”
“Howdoyouknow?”
“BecauseLilylookscalmandMargolislookspissed.”
Mariastudiedthetwoofthem,realizingthatEvanwasright.Buteverythinghadgonewrongtonight.
Aminutelater,theofficerwho’dgoneintotheclubreturnedtoMargolis’sside.Theyspokeforacoupleofminutesbeforebothofficersreluctantlyheadedbacktotheirsquadcar.Bythen,LilywashurryingtowardEvanandMaria.EvanletgoofMariatoencircleLilyinhisarms.
“Nocharges,”shesaid.“They’relettinghimgo.”
“Whatdidyoudo?”Mariaasked.
“Ispoketothewaitressandthemanager,andIsimplytoldthemthetruth,”Lilyreplied.“Thatyouwerebeingstalked,andthatColinoverreactedbecauseyou’vebeenfrightened,andColinthoughtyoumightbeindanger.Theyweresurprisinglysympathetic.EspeciallyonceIgavethewaitressanextra-largetip,paidforthedrinksthatwerespilled,andofferedthemanageralittleextraforhistrouble.”
Mariastaredather.“Youbribedthem?”
“Ididnosuchthing.Imerelydidmybesttorectifythesituationinawaythatsatisfiedeveryoneinvolved.Bythetimetheofficercametospeakwiththem,theywerebothadamantthatnochargesbefiled.Still,IwilladmittherewasamomentwhenIwasn’tsureitwasgoingtoworkagain.”
“Again?”
“Itisn’tthefirsttimethishashappened,”Evansaid.
MargolisdoggedColin’sfootstepsasColinapproachedtheirgroup.Toothers,Colinprobablyappearedascontrolledashealwaysdid,butshenoticedsomethinginhisexpressionthathintedatanunderstandingofhowclosehe’dcometolosingitall.HemovedtohersideasMargolisstudiedeachoftheirfaces.Colinstaredback,unfazed,asdidEvanandLily.
“Thedynamicduostrikesagain,”Margolissneered.“Howmuchdiditcostyouthistime?”
“Idon’thaveanyideawhatyou’retalkingabout,”Lilyliedsweetly,heraccentassultryasever.
“Ofcourseyoudon’t,”Margolissaid.“IwonderwhatthemanagerandthewaitresswouldsayifIputthemunderoath.”Heletthecommenthang,withallitsimplications,beforefinallygoingon.“Butthere’snoreasonforthat,isthere?Nowthatyou’verescuedyourgoodfriendColinagain.”
“Therewasnoneedtorescuehim,”Lilydrawled.“Hedidnothingwrong.”
“That’sfunny.BecauseIrecallsomethinglikethishappeningonatleasttwootheroccasionswhenyoutwowerethere.”
Lilyfeignedconfusion.“AreyouspeakingofthoseotheroccasionswhenColinhappenedtobeoutwithusand,again,didnothingwrong?”
“Keeptellingyourselfthat.You’rejustpostponingtheinevitable.Colinknowswhoheis.Justaskhim.He’lltellyou.”HeturnedtowardColin.“Isn’tthatright,Colin?Sinceyouliketoconvinceeveryoneyou’reashonestasthedayislong?…Eventhoughyou’realwaysonthevergeofexploding.”
MariasawColin’seyesnarrowasMargolisjerkedhisheadatEvan.“YouneedtothankEvanhereforpullingyouawaywhenhedid.Hadevenoneofthoseguysaroundyoutouchedyou,youandIbothknowthatwewouldsuddenlybespendingalotoftimetogether,withyoubackinthecageandmetellingtheDAtothrowawaythekey.”
“Colindidn’ttouchanyone,”Evaninterjected.
Margolisshiftedthetoothpicktotheothersideofhismouth.“Iwasthinkingmorealongthelinesofassault.IwastoldthewaitresswasterrifiedbythefactthatColinwasscreamingather,andI’vegotadozenwitnessesintherewhocouldvouchforthat.”
“Hejustwantedtoknowwhosentoverthedrink,”Mariaprotested.
AssoonasMargolis’seyesmethers,shefeltherselfflinch.“Oh,that’sright.Becauseoftheso-calledstalker,right?I’llmakesuretoreviewthereportforyou.”Mariasaidnothing,regrettingshe’dchimedin.
“Oh,wait.Youhaven’tfiledareport?Haveyoueventalkedtoalawyer?”
“Sheisalawyer,”Lilysaid.
“Thenit’sevenstranger,don’tyouthink?Alllawyersdoisfilereports.”HeturnedtowardMaria.“I’lltellyouwhat,though;ifyoueverdogetaroundtoit,askforme,okay?”
“Leaveheroutofthis,”Colingrowled.
“Areyoutellingmewhattodo?”Margolisdemanded.
“Yes,”Colinsaid.
“Orwhat?Areyougoingtohitme?”
ColincontinuedtostareathimbeforereachingforMaria’shand.“Let’sgo,”hesaid,beginningtowalkaway,EvanandLilyclosebehind.
“Goahead,”Margoliscalledoutfrombehindthem.“I’llbearound.”
“HowmuchdoIoweyou?”Colinsaid.
“Let’sworryaboutthatlater,okay?”Lilyanswered.
They’dfollowedEvanandLilybacktoEvan’splace,thefourofthemcongregatingonthefrontporch.Ithadbeenaquietride,Maria’sthoughtstoofragmentedforconversation,andColininnomoodtobreakthesilence.Evennow,Mariafeltlikeanobservertoherownlife.
“Whatthehellwereyoudoingtonight?”Evandemanded.“We’vetalkedaboutthis!AndMargolisisright!WhatwouldhavehappenedifLilyandIhadn’tbeenthere?”
“Idon’tknow,”Colinanswered.
“Youdamnwellknowexactlywhatwouldhavehappened!”Evanranahandthroughhishair.“Whythehelldoyoukeepdoingthis?You’vegottolearntocontrolthisthing.”
“Okay.”
“Don’tsayokay!”Evanshouted.“LikeLily,I’msickofyousayingthatallthetime,becauseit’sacop-out!Ithoughtwe’dgottenpastthislastyear,afterthatguyaccidentallyspilledhisdrinkonLily.”
“You’reright,”Colinsaidevenly.“Imadeamistake.Ilostcontrol.”
“Gee,really?”Evanspatout.Heturned,startingforthefrontdoor.“Whatever.Youtwodealwithhimfornow.I’mdone.”Thedoorslammedbehindhim,leavingthethreeofthemontheporch.
“YouknowthatEvan’sright,Colin,”Lilysaid.
“Iwasn’tgoingtohurther.”
“Thatdoesn’tmatter,”shesaid,hervoicesoft.“You’rebigandstrong,andwhenyou’reangry,peoplecansensetheinnateviolencewithinyou.Thepoorwaitresswascoweringandcryingandyouwouldn’tletupuntilEvanputeverythinghehadintopullingyouaway.Andthen,Iwasalmostcertainyouweregoingtohithim.”
Colin’sgazedroppedtothegroundbeforeslowlycomingupagain,andforamoment,hisconfidencewasgone.InitsplaceMariasawshameandremorse,maybeevenaflashofhopelessness.
“Itwon’thappenagain.”
“Maybe,”Lilysaid,kissinghimonthecheek.“Yousaidthatthelasttime,too.”
SheturnedtowardMariaandofferedahug.“AndI’mabsolutelycertainthatallofthismustfeelbothoverwhelmingandterrifyingtoyou.Ifsomeonewasstalkingandtauntingme,IwouldhavealreadybeenofftoCharlestonbynowtohideoutwithmyparents,andknowingthem,they’dsendmeoutofthecountry.I’mjustsosorryforwhatyou’regoingthrough.”
“Thankyou,”Mariasaid.Suddenlyexhausted,shebarelyrecognizedthesoundofherownvoice.
“Wouldyouliketocomeinside?”Lilyaskedwhenshepulledback.“I’msureEvaniscalmerbynow,andwecanworkthroughsomeoptionsorideas…orwecanjustsitandlistenifyoufeellikeyouneedtotalk.”
“Iwouldn’tevenknowwhattosay,”shesaid.
Lilyunderstood,andwithagentleclickofthedoorasitclosedbehindher,MariaandColinwerealoneonthefrontporch.
“I’msorry,Maria,”hemumbled.
“Iknow.”
“Wouldyoulikemetobringyouhome?”
Ineitherdirection,mostofthehouseswerealreadydark.
“Idon’twanttogohome,”shesaidinasmallvoice.“HeknowswhereIlive.”
Colinstretchedouthishand.“C’mon,”hesaid.“Youcanstaywithme.”
Leavingtheporch,theywalkedaroundthesideofthehouse,towardthedownstairsentrance.Onceinside,Colinturnedonthelightsasheledtheway.Hopingforanydistractionfromthelingeringknotinherstomach,shetookintheroom.Averagesized,withakitchenofftotherightandasmallhallwaydirectlyaheadthatnodoubtledtothebedroomandbath.Surprisinglyneat,withoutclutterpiledonthecoffeetableoronthecounters.Neutralcolorschemeforthefurniture,withnophotographsorpersonalitems,likenoonelivedhereatall.
“Thisisyourplace?”
Henodded.“Fornow.CanIgetyousomethingtodrink?”
“Justwater,”shesaid.
Colinfilledtwoglassesinthekitchen,bringingoneofthemtoher.Shetookasip,suddenlyrememberingthatshewasbeingfollowedandseeingagainColin’sangerashe’ddemandedanswersfromthewaitress,hismusclestense.SherememberedthesplitsecondafterEvanhadjerkedhimoffbalanceandtheutterwildnessanduncontrollablefuryinhisexpression.
“Howareyoufeeling?”hefinallyasked.
Shetriedtoforcetheimageawayandrealizedthatshecouldn’t.“Notgood,”shesaid.“Notgoodatall.”
Neitherofthemseemedtoknowwhattosaytotheotherinthelivingroom,norlater,whentheywereinbedtogether.Instead,simplyneedingtobeheld,Mariarolledover,restingherheadonColin’schest,consciousofthelingeringtensioninhisbody.
She’dhopedthatbystayinghere,withColinbesideher,she’dfeelsafe.
Butshedidn’tfeelsafe.Notanymore.Andasshelayawake,staringintothedarkness,shewasbeginningtowonderwhethersheeverwouldagain.
Inthemorning,ColindroveMariahomeandwaitedinthelivingroomwhilesheshoweredandchanged,buthedidn’tjoinherforbrunchatherparents’.Heunderstoodthatrightnow,sheneededtobealonewithherfamily,ahavenofstabilityandpredictabilityamidalifethatsuddenlyfeltwildlyoffcourse.Hewalkedhertohercarandwhiletheyembraced,shefoundherselfholdingbackslightly.
Atthehouse,herparentswereoblivious,butSerenafiguredoutsomethingwasbotheringMariaassoonasshesteppedinside,somethingMariadidn’twanttosharewithherparents.Serenaplayedalongperfectly,maintainingastreamofcommentaryastheycookedandate,fillinganysilenceswiththesoundofhervoiceandkeepingtheconversationfromdriftingtowardanythingserious.
Afterwards,MariaandSerenawentforawalk.Assoonastheyreachedasafedistancefromthehouse,Serenaturnedandsaid,“Spillit.”Onabenchbeneathanelmtreewithleavesthathadbeguntoturngold,MariatoldSerenaeverythingthathadhappened,relivingtheterrorofthepastseveraldays,andwhenshestartedtocry,Serenabegantocryaswell.LikeMaria,Serenawasupsetandscared;likeMaria,shehadmorequestionsthananswers.QuestionsatwhichMariacouldonlyshakeherhead.
Afterlunch,SerenaandherparentsheadedofftoMaria’suncle’shouse,aninformalfamilyget-togetherlikecountlessothers,butMariabeggedoff,claimingshehadaheadacheandwantedtotakeanap.Whileherdadacceptedtheexplanationwithoutquestion,Maria’smotherwasdubious,thoughsheknewenoughnottopressher.Onthewayoutthedoor,shehuggedMarialongerthanusualandaskedhowthingsweregoingwithColin.Thesoundofhisnamebroughtasuddenwellspringoftears,andonherwaytothecar,Mariathought,I’veofficiallybecomeabasketcase.
Evenconcentratingenoughtodrivewasstrangelydifficult.Despitethetraffic,allshecouldthinkwasthatsomeonewaswatchingher,waitingforhertoreturn…ormaybehewasevenfollowinghernow.Impulsively,shechangedlanesandmadeaquickturnontoasidestreet,hereyesgluedtotherearviewmirror.Sheturnedagain,thenoncemorebeforefinallypullingover.Andthoughshewantedtobestrong—pleadedwithGodtohelpherbestrong—shefoundherselfbentoverthesteeringwheel,sobbing.
Whowasheandwhatdidhewant?Thenameless,facelessmaninthebaseballcap—whyhadn’tshelookedforhim?Allsherememberedwereshadowsandfragments,nothingatall…
Buttherewasmore,too,somethingthatkeptheranxiousandonthevergeoftears.Withoutthinking,sheputthecaringearandstarteddriving,eventuallymakingherwaytoaquietstretchofCarolinaBeach.
Thedaywascoolandthebreezeheldthenipofthecomingwinterasshewalkedthesand.Cloudshadrolledin,whiteandgray,anditfeltlikeimpendingrain.Thewavesrolledincalmingrhythm,andasshewalked,shefinallyfeltherthoughtsbeginningtosettlelongenoughforabitofclaritytoemerge.
Shewasn’tonedgesimplybecauseshewasbeingfollowed.Norwasshemerelyrelivingthefearsshe’dfeltforColinashe’dstoodwiththepoliceofficerswiththerestofhislifehanginginthebalance.ShesawnowthatshewasalsoafraidofColin,andassickasthethoughtmadeherfeel,shecouldn’tpushthefeelingaway.
KnowingthatsheneededtotalktoColin,MariadrovetoEvan’s.WhenColinopenedthedoortohisapartment,shesawthathehadbeenstudyingatthesmallkitchentable.Thoughheinvitedherin,shedeclined,theinteriorofhisplaceappearingsuddenlyclaustrophobic.Instead,theywenttoEvan’sporch,eachtakingaseatinarockingchairastherainbegantofall.
Colinperchedontheedgeofhisseat,forearmsrestingonhislegs.Helookedtired,thelasttwenty-fourhoursobviouslytakingatoll.Hedidnothingtobreakthesilence,andforamoment,Mariawasn’tevensurewheretobegin.
“I’vebeenonedgeeversincelastnight,”sheventured,“soifI’mnotmakingmuchsense,it’sprobablybecausemythoughtsarestilljumbled.”Shedrewabreath.“Imean,Iknowyouwerejusttryingtohelpme.ButLilywasright.EventhoughIbelieveyouwhenyousaythatyouweren’tgoingtohurtthewaitress,thewayyouwereactingtoldadifferentstory.”
“Ialmostlostcontrol.”
“No,”shesaid.“Youdidlosecontrol.”
“Ican’tcontrolmyemotions.TheonlythingIcancontrolismybehavior,andIdidn’ttouchher.”
“Don’ttrytominimizewhathappened.”
“I’mnottryingtominimizeit.”
“Whatifyougetangrywithme?”
“Iwouldneverhurtyou.”
“Andlikethewaitress,Imightendupterrifiedandintearsanyway.Ifyou’dactedlikethattowardme,I’dneverwanttotalktoyouagain.Andthen,withEvan…”
“Ididn’tdoanythingtoEvan.”
“Buthaditbeenanyoneelsewhograbbedyou—aguyyoudidn’tknow—youwouldn’thavebeenabletostop,andyouknowit.JustlikeMargolissaid.”Shemadesuretoholdhisgaze.“OrareyougoingtolietomeforthefirsttimeandsayI’mwrong?”
“Iwasscaredforyou.Becausetheguywasthere.”
“Butwhatyoudiddidn’tmakeitbetter.”
“Ijustwantedtofindoutwhathelookedlike.”
“Andyoudon’tthinkIdo?”shesaid,raisinghervoice.“Buttellmethis—whatifhe’dstillbeenthere?Justsittingatthebar?Whatwouldyouhavedonethen?Doyouhonestlybelievethatyouwerecapableofhavingareasonableconversationwithhim?No.Youwouldhaveoverreacted,andrightnow,you’dbeinprison.”
“I’msorry.”
“Youalreadyapologized.”Shehesitated.“Asmuchaswe’vediscussedyourpastandasmuchasIthoughtIknewyou,IrealizethatIdon’t.Lastnight,youweren’ttheguyIfellinlovewith,orevenaguyIwouldhavedated.Instead,Isawsomeonethat—inmypast—Iwouldhavegladlyputaway.”
“Whatareyoutryingtosay?”
“Idon’tknow,”shesaid.“AllIknowisthatIdon’thavetheenergytostartworryingthatyou’lldosomethingdumbandthrowyourlifeaway,orthatyou’llendupfrighteningmebecausesomethinginsideyousuddenlyswitcheson.”
“It’snotyourjobtoworryaboutme.”
Athiscomment,sheflushed,allherfearsandanxietiesandangerrisingtothesurfacelikeanairbubblemovingthroughwater.
“Don’tbeahypocrite!Whatthehelldoyouthinkallthatwasaboutlastnight?Orthepastweek,forthatmatter?Youhidoutonaroofforhourstotakepicturesofmyboss,calledeveryfloristinthecity,anddrovetwohourstoshowastrangeraphotograph!Youdidthatbecauseyouwereworriedaboutme.Andnowyou’resayingthatI’mnotallowedtoworryaboutyou?Whyisitokayforyoutoworry,butnotforme—”
“Maria—”
“Letmefinish!”shedemanded.“Itoldyouthatwhatwashappeningtomewasn’tyourproblem!Itoldyoutoletitgo!Butyouweredeadsetondoingwhateverthehellyouwanted…Andokay,maybeyoudidtalkmeintolettingyoutakethephotos.Becauseyoumadeitsoundlikeyouknewwhatyouweredoing—likeyoucouldhandleit.Butbasedonlastnight,youobviouslycan’t!Youwerealmostarrested!Andthenwhatwouldhavehappened?Doyouhaveanyideawhatthatwouldhavedonetome?HowIwouldhavefelt?”
Shepressedherfingerstohereyelidsandwastryingtoorganizeherthoughtswhensheheardhercellphonering.Pullingitfromherpocket,sherecognizedSerena’snumberandwonderedwhyshewascalling.Hadn’tshesaidsomethingaboutgoingonadate?
SheansweredandinstantlyheardthepanicinSerena’svoice,thewordsspillingoutinrapidSpanish.
“Comehomenow!”SerenasobbedbeforeMariacouldsayasingleword.
Mariafeltherchestconstrict.“What’swrong?IsDadokay?Whathappened?”
“It’sMomandDad!BecauseofCopo!She’sdead!”CHAPTER17
Colin
ColinworriedthatMariawastooshakytogetbehindthewheel,sohedrovehercartoherparents’house,tryingtoreadhermoodasshestaredouttherain-splatteredwindow.Betweenhersobs,Serenahadn’tbeenabletotellMariamuch—noonereallyknewanythingotherthanthatCopowasdead.Assoonastheypulledintothedriveway,Mariarushedintothehouse,Colintrailingbehind.Herparentssatholdingeachotheronthesofa,haggardandred-eyed.Serenastoodnearthekitchen,wipingathertears.
FelixstoodfromthecouchassoonasMariaentered,andtheybothbeganweeping.Soonthewholefamilywasstandingwiththeirarmsaroundeachother,cryingwhileColinstoodquietlyinthedoorway.
Whentheirtearsabated,theyallcollapsedonthecouch,Mariacontinuingtoholdherfather’shand.TheywerespeakinginSpanish,sohecouldn’tfollowmuchofthestory,butheheardmorethanenoughtolethimknowthatthedog’sdeathhadmadenosenseatall.
Later,hesatwithMariaonthebackporchandshecaughthimuponwhatshe’dlearned,whichwasn’tmuch.HerparentsandSerenahadgonetotheirrelatives’afterbrunch,andwhilenormallythey’dbringthedog,thereweregoingtobealotofkidsthere,andthey’dbeenworriedthatCopomightgetoverwhelmed,orworse,accidentallyhurt.Serenahadreturnedtothehouseanhourlaterbecauseshe’dlefthercellphonechargingonthekitchencounter.WhenSerenasawCopolyingnearthebackslider—whichhadbeenleftopen—sheassumedthedogwassleeping.Butwhenthedoghadn’tmovedbythetimeshewasabouttoleave,Serenacalledouttoher.Copodidn’trespond,soSerenawenttocheckonher,onlytorealizethatthedoghaddied.Shecalledherparents,whodrovestraighthome,andthenMaria.
“Copowasfinebeforetheyleft.She’deatenandwasn’tactingsick.Therewasnothingforhertohavechokedon,andmydaddidn’tfindanythinginherthroat.Therewasn’tanybloodorvomit…”Shedrewashakybreath.“It’slikeshediedfornoreason,andmydad…I’veneverseenhimcrybefore.Hebroughthereverywhere;theyhardlyeverleftheralone.Youcan’tunderstandhowmuchhelovedthatlittledog.”
“Icanonlyimagine,”hesaid.
“Maybe,”shesaid.“Butstill…youhavetounderstandthatinthevillagemyparentscamefrom,dogsworkorherdorspendtimewithyouinthefield,buttheyaren’tregardedaspets.MyfatherneverunderstoodtheAmericanloveaffairwithdogs.BothSerenaandIbeggedforadogwhenwewereyounger,buthewasadamantlyopposed.Andthen,whenSerenaandIlefthome,therewassuddenlyagiganticvoidinhislife…Atsomepointsomeonesuggestedtheygetadog,andthistime,itwaslikealightsuddenlywentonforhim.Copowaslikehischild,butmoreobedientanddevoted.”Sheshookherhead,quietforamoment.“She’snotevenfouryearsold.Imean…canadogjust…die?Haveyoueverheardofthathappeningbefore?”
“No.”
She’dexpectedtheanswer,butitdidn’thelp,andherthoughtscircledbacktothereasonshe’dneededtotalktohim.“Colin…Aboutwhatweweretalkingaboutearlier…”
“Youwereright.Abouteverything.”
Shesighed.“Icareaboutyou,Colin.Iloveyouandwantnothingmorethantobewithyou,but…”
Thewordbuthungheavyintheair.“I’mnotwhoyouthoughtIwas.”
“No,”shesaid.“You’reexactlywhoIthoughtyouwere,andyouwarnedmerightupfront.AndIthoughtIcouldhandleit,butlastnight,IrealizedthatIdon’tthinkIcan.”
“Whatdoesthatmean?”
Shetuckedastrandofhairbehindherear.“Ithinkthatforrightnow,itmightbebesttoslowthingsdownabit.Betweenus,Imean.Withallthat’sgoingon…”Shedidn’tfinish.Butshedidn’thaveto.
“Whatareyougoingtodoabouttheguyfollowingyou?”
“Idon’tknow.It’shardformetoeventhinkstraightrightnow.”
“That’swhathewants.Hewantsyouworriedandafraid,constantlyonedge.”
Shepushedherhandsintoherhair,kneadinghertemples.Whenshespoke,hervoicewasragged.“Rightnow,IfeellikeI’mstuckinthisawfuldreamandallIwanttodoiswakeup…Andontopofeverythingelse,Ihavetosupportmyparents.MydadwantstoburyCopotonight,andthat’sonlygoingtomakehimevenmoreemotional.Mymom,too.Andthisrain…OfalltheweekendsforCopotodie,whythisone?”
Colinpeeredoutatthebackyard.“HowaboutIhelpgetthingsready?”
Mariabroughthimashovelfromthegarage,andafteralittleback-and-forthbetweenMariaandFelix,Colinstarteddiggingaholeintheshadeofanoaktree,rainsoakingthroughhisshirt.Heremembereddoingthesamethingforhisowndog,Penny,along-hairedminiaturedachshund.Thedoghadsleptwithhiminbedwhenhe’dstillbeenlivingathome,andwhileatschoolhe’dmissedhermorethanhisfamily.
Herememberedhowhardithadbeentodigthegravethesummerafterhissophomoreyear;itwasoneofthefewtimeshecouldrecallcryingsincethefirstyearhe’dbeensentaway.Witheveryshovelfulofdirt,he’dhadamemoryofPenny—runningthroughthegrassornippingatabutterfly—andhewantedtospareFelixthat.
ThetaskalsogothimawayfromMaria.Heunderstoodherneedforspacerightnow,evenifhedidn’tlikethinkingaboutthereason.Heknewhe’dscreweduproyally,andrightnow,shewasprobablytryingtofigureoutwhetherColinwasworththerisk.
WhenColinfinisheddiggingthepitunderthetree,thefamilyburiedCopo.Again,allfourofthemcriedandexchangedhugs.Andaftertheywentbackinside,Colinbegantoshovelthedirtbackinplace,histhoughtsreturningtothestalkerandthefactthatMariawasbeingfollowed.Hewonderedwhatthestalker’snextmovemightbe.AndhedecidedthenandtherethatwhetherMariawantedhiminherlifeornot,hewouldbethereifsheeverneededhim.
“Areyousure?”Mariaaskedhim,standingwithhimonthefrontporch.“I’dbehappytodriveyouhome.”Inside,CarmenandSerenaweremakingdinner.Felix,asfarasColinknew,wasstillonthebackporch,sittingaloneandholdingCopo’scollar.
“I’llbeokay.Ineedtorunanyway.”
“Butit’sstillraining.”
“I’malreadywet.”
“Isn’titkindoffar?Likefiveorsixmiles?”
“Youneedtostayherewithyourfamily,”hesaid,andforamoment,neitherofthemsaidanything.“CanIcallyou?”hefinallyasked.
Hergazeflickeredtowardthehousebeforereturningtohim.“Whydon’tIcallyou?”
Henoddedbeforetakingastepbackward,andwithoutanotherword,heturnedandbegantorun.
Mariadidn’tcallfortherestoftheweek,anditwasthefirsttimeinhislifethathecaredenoughaboutagirlforthattoactuallymattertohim.Orenoughforhimtoeventhinkaboutitinunexpectedmoments,orwheneverthephonerang—whichwasn’toften.
Hewasn’tgoingtocallher.Hewantedto;morethanonce,he’dactuallyreachedforhisphonebeforeremindinghimselfshe’daskedhimnotto.Whethersheeventuallycalledornotwasherchoice.
Tokeepfromdwellingonit,hetriedtostaybusy.Headdedanextrashiftatwork,andafterhisclassesandbeforehisshifts,hespenttimeatthegym,workingwithDalyandMoore.
Theyweremoreexcitedabouttheupcomingfightthanhewas.WhilefightingsomeonelikeReesewasarareopportunitytomeasurehisownskilllevel,winorlose,itwouldn’tmeanmuchforhiminthelongrun.ForDalyandMoore,agoodmatchmightmeanaminorwindfallforthegym.NowondertheyspentthefirsttwohoursonMondayreviewingfilmsofReese’sformerfightswithColin,studyinghistendenciesandevaluatingstrengthsandweaknesses.
“He’sgood,buthe’snotunbeatable,”Dalycontinuedtoinsist,Mooreinagreement.Colinlistenedwhiletryingtotuneoutcommentsthatheregardedastoowishfuloroptimistic—basically,anythingthathadthewordsReeseandgroundinthesamesentence.Reesewouldeathimaliveontheground.
Ontheplusside,thefilmsshowedthatColin’sskillswereslightlybetterthanReese’swhenitcametostriking.Especiallykicks;tothatpointinhiscareer,notasinglefighterhadgoneafterReesewithkickstotheknees,despiteReeseofferingnumerousopportunities.Reesealsolefthimselfopentoshotsattheribsafteranycombination,whichwasusefultoknowwhenplanningastrategy.Theproblemwasthatwhenthefightactuallystarted,strategiesoftenwentrightoutthewindow,butthat’swhere—accordingtoDalyandMoore—Colinhadthebiggestadvantage.
“Reesehasn’teverfoughtanyonewithmorethansixorsevenfightsunderhisbelt,whichmeanthisopponentshavebeenbothoutclassedandintimidated.Youwon’tbeintimidated,andthatwillrattlehimmorethananything.”
DalyandMoorewereright.Fighting—whetherinbars,thestreet,oreventhering—wasn’tonlyaboutskillbutconfidenceandcontrolaswell.Itwasallaboutwaitingfortherightmomentandthentakingadvantageofit;itwasaboutexperiencewhenadrenalinewaspumping,andColinhadhadmorefightsthanReese.Reesehadbeenanathlete,someonewhoshookhandswithhisopponentafteramatch;Colinwasthekindofguywhostruckfirstandbrokebeerbottlesoverpeople’sheadsattheend,thesoleintenttocauseasmuchdamageasquicklyaspossible.
Withthatsaid,Reesewasundefeatedforareason.Onhisbestday,Colinfiguredhehadonlyaone-in-fourchanceofwinning,andthatwasonlyifhewasabletomakeitthroughthefirstcoupleofrounds.Thekickstothekneesandribshots,thecoachescontinuedtoassurehim,wouldwearReesedownthelongerthefightwenton.
“Thethirdroundwillbeyours,”theypromised.
OnTuesday,Wednesday,andThursday,theygottowork,withanhourandfifteenminuteseachdaydevotedtospecificstrikes.Dalygotintheringwearingsturdykneebracesandavest,demandingthatColinmakekickstotheknees,offeringopeningsandthentakingthemaway.Simultaneously,MooreinstructedColintokeephisdistanceandconcentrateontheribsaftereverycombinationDalythrew,theirexhortationsheatedanddemanding.Inthelastforty-fiveminutes,Colinfocusedongroundwork,honingdefensivetechniques.TheywereallfullyawarethatReesehadasignificantadvantageinthisarea,andthebestthatColincouldhopeforwastosurvive.
He’dnevertrainedforaspecificopponent,anditprovedfrustrating.Hemissedwithkicksandwastooslowwithstrikestotheribs;alltoooften,heallowedhimselftogettiedup,whichwasexactlywhatReesewouldwant.Itwasn’tuntilThursdaythatthelightbulbflickeredon,albeitdimly,andwhenhewalkedoutofthegym,hewishedhehadanothercoupleofweekstogetready.
Fridaywasarestday,thefirstdaythatColinhadn’tworkedoutinoverayear,andheneededthebreak.Everythinghurt.Withnoclasses,hespentthemorningandafternooncompletingtwopapers.Later,atwork,withcoolertemperaturessettingin,hardlyanycustomersshowedupontherooftop,evenduringthedinnerrush.Bynine,therewerenopatronsatall,andColinhadtheplacetohimself.Tipshadbeenalmostnonexistent,butitgavehimtimetoreflectonthepreviousweekend.Or,morespecifically,thequestionMariahadaskedthathadbeenplaguinghimonandoffeversince.
OfalltheweekendsforCopotodie,whythisone?
TherewasnothingtosuggestthattheguywhowasfollowingMariawasresponsibleforCopo’sdeath,buttherewasn’tanythingthatrenderedtheideaimplausible,either.IftheguyknewwhereMarialived,itwasmorethanconceivablehealsoknewwhereherparentslived.Thebacksliderhadbeenleftopen.Copohadbeenfinewhentheyleft,andthreehourslaterthedogwasdeadfornoapparentreason.Colinknewitwouldn’thavetakenmuchtohavesnappedCopo’sneckorchokedthedogtodeath.
Or,ontheotherhand,thedogcouldhavediedanatural,ifunexplained,death.
HewonderedwhetherthesameterriblethoughtshadoccurredtoMaria;ifso,shewouldalsosuspectthatthestalkinghadescalatedtoanewlevel,andhewonderedwhethershewouldcallhim.Ifnotasherlover,thenasafriendwho’dpromisedtobethereforher.
Colincheckedhisphone.
Shehadn’tcalled.
ColinspentSaturdaymorningtryingtogetaheadinhisreading,thoughbynoon,hewasn’tsurewhyhe’devenbothered.Nerveskepthimfromrecallinganythingofsubstance.Hewasn’thungry,either;ithadbeenallhecoulddotoforcedownacoupleofproteinsmoothies.
Thefeelingofnerveswasnewtohim.Heremindedhimselfthathedidn’tcareaboutwinning,butatthesametime,healsoadmittedhewaslyingtohimself.Ifhedidn’tcarehowhedidinthering,whywatcheverythingheateordrank?Whytraintwoorthreetimesaday?AndwouldhehaveagreedtospendallweekpreparingforJohnnyReese?
Factwas,hehadn’tyetwalkedintothecagethinkinghe’dloseafight.Amateurswereamateurs.ButReesewasdifferent.Reesecouldgivehimabeat-downifColinmadeasinglewrongmove;Reesewasjustplainbetter.
Unlessmystrategypaysoff…
Hefeltasudden,unexpectedsurgeofadrenaline.Notgood.Tooearly.He’dbewastedbeforethefightevenstarted,andhehadtogethismindoffit.Bestwaytodothatwastogoforaruntoclearhismind,evenifhiscoacheswouldwanthimtoconservehisenergy.
Toobad.Herananyway.Itwasonlypartlysuccessful.
Hourslater,Colinsataloneinthemakeshiftdressingroom.He’dbeenweighed,ashadhisgloves.Dalymadesurethattheamountofathletictapeonhishandsmetregulations.Colinoptedtowearacup,andhisshoeswereinspectedbyofficials.Tonsofrules,evenattheamateurlevel.Therewereonlytenminutesbeforehisfightbegan,andhe’daskedDalyandMooretoleavehim,eventhoughheknewtheywantedtostay.
Theirattitudepissedhimoff.Intheminutesleadinguptoanyfight,prettymucheverythingandeveryonepissedhimoff,whichwasjustwhathewanted.Hethoughtaboutkneeandribstrikes;hethoughtaboutkeepingReeserattledandowningthethirdround.Alreadytheadrenalinewasmakingeverymuscletaut,hissensesheightened.Beyondthewalls,heheardtheroarofthecrowd,thenheardasitbecameevenlouder.Nodoubtafighterwasexertinghiswilloveranother,thematchclearlycomingtoanend,anopponentgettingpummeled…
Colindrewalongbreath.
Showtime.
Thenextthingheknew,hewasface-to-facewithReeseatthecenterofthecage,eachofthemsizingtheotherupwhiletherefereewentovertherules:nobiting,nokickstothenuts,etcetera.Astheystaredateachothertheworldbegantoshrink,soundsdiminishing,andthenthefighterswerereleasedtotheircorners.DalyandMooreshoutedencouragement,butColinonlyvaguelyregisteredtheirvoices.Thebellsounded,andhesteppedforward.
ColinlandedakicktoReese’skneewithinthefirsttwentyseconds,thenanothertwoquicklyafterthat.AllthreeshotsseemedtocatchReeseoffguard,andwhenColinhitthekneeafourthtime,hesawReese’sfirstflashofanger.Afifthkicktothekneecamenext,andReesebegankeepinghisdistance,alreadyhavingdecipheredpartofColin’splan.Theytradedblowsforthenextcoupleofminutes,withColinlandingthreequalityshotstotheribsandonemorehardkicktotheknee.Reese’sboxingskillswereaboutwhatColinhadexpected,buthispuncheswereharder,andwhenReeselandedashottoColin’stemple,Colinsawstarsandendeduponhisback.Reesewasclearlyincontrol,butColinwasabletoholdhisowndefensivelyuntilthebellsounded.Bothfighterswerebreathinghard.
AccordingtoDaly,theroundcouldgoeitherway,thoughhethoughtColinhadtheadvantage.
Thesecondroundfollowedroughlythesamepattern:Colinlandedthreemorekickstotheknee,withReesenoticeablywincingafterthefinalshot;ColinhammeredonReese’sribswhenevertheopportunitypresenteditself.Two-thirdsofthewaythrough,theywereonthegroundagain,withReeselandingacoupleofstrongblowswhileColindideverythinghecouldtodefendhimself.Inthefinaltwentyseconds,Reese’selbowconnectedwiththebridgeofColin’snoseandopenedupagash.Bloodseepedintohiseye,helostconcentration,andReesetookadvantage,twistinghisleguntilColinnearlyhadtotap.Colinknewashereturnedtohiscornerthatwhilehehadn’tbeencompletelydominated,he’dlosttheround.
HealsonoticedthatReesewaslimpingbadlyashemadehiswaybacktohiscorner.
Colinattackedthekneeagaintoopenthethirdround,thenjabbedandfeintedacoupleofrushes,returningtothekneerepeatedly.Onthefinalkick,Reesewincedhardandinstinctivelybentover;Colinmovedinandwenthardtotheribs.Outofposition,ReesetriedtolockupColin,butColinbroughtuphisknee,feltitconnectwithReese’sforehead,andforthefirsttimeinthematchhadReeseonhisbackandseriouslyintrouble.
Colinwentashardashecould,strikingwithhisfistsandelbows.Reesehadn’tbeeninthispositionveryoften,andColincouldsensehimbegintopanic.Colincontinuedtostrike,landingmoreblowswithasmuchforceaspossible.Reesetookahardshottothejawandhisbodywentslack;ColinlandedthreemoreshotsthatleftReesestunned.Colinpressedhisadvantage,andastheroundtickedtowarditsclose,Reesemadeatacticalmistake.Colinwasnearlyabletoendthefightwithanarmbar,onlytohaveReesesomehowwigglefree.PrecioussecondstickedbybeforeColinmaneuveredReeseintopositionforanotherarmbar.JustasColinbegantoapplypressure,thebellsounded,therefereejumpedin,andthefightwasover.
Colinreluctantlyrose,onlytoseeDalyandMoorepumpingtheirfists;intheirminds,itwasclearwho’dwonthefight.Reese’s,too;asherose,heavoidedColin’seyes.
Thejudges,however,didn’tscoreitthatway.WhenReese’sarmwasraisedinvictorybyaplainlyskepticalreferee,Colinknewthathe’djustbeenhandedhisfirstdefeat.ColinshookReese’shandandDalyandMoorechargedintothering.Thecrowdbegantobooandcatcall.
Colintuneditallout;hewasspent.Heleftthecageandheadedtowardthelockerroomalone,onlymildlydisappointedandnotterriblysurprised.
“Ifit’sanyconsolation,youdon’tlooknearlyasbadasyoudidafteryourlastfight,”Evannoted.AswasbecomingacustomafterColin’sfights,theywereatasketchyroadsidediner,EvanwatchingColineat.“Justthatlittlecutonthebridgeofyournose,butotherthanthat,you’regood.Whichisdefinitelyanimprovement.Lasttime,youcouldhavepassedforRockyafterthefightwithApolloCreed.Andthatguysucked.”
“Hehead-buttedme.”
“Hemighthavecheatedinthefight,butunliketonight,thedecisioninthatonewasfair.Youknowyoukickedhisass,right?Itwasn’tevenclose.Thecrowdknewit,andsodidthereferee.DidyouseehisfacewhentheyannouncedReese?”
“No.”
“Hecouldn’tbelieveit.EvenReese’scoachwasshocked.”
Colinusedhisforktosliceintohispancakesandstabbedamouthful.“Okay.”
“Ifithadgoneonanothertwentyseconds,Reesewouldhavetappedout.Maybeten.Therewasnowayhewasstoppingthatlastarmbarbecausehewastoastbythen.Theguycouldbarelydoanythingatthatpoint.”
“Iknow.”
“Thenwhyaren’tyoumoreupset?Yourcoachesarepissedashell.Youshouldbepissed,too.”
“Becauseit’sover,”Colinanswered.“There’snothingIcandonow.”
“Youcouldregisteraprotest.”
“No.”
“Thenattheveryleast,youshouldhaveclockedReesewhenhestarteddoingthatstupiddanceaftertheannouncement.Didyouseethat?”
“No.”
“Thefighthadtoberigged.TheywantedReesetofinishhisamateurcareerundefeated.”
“Who’s‘they’?”
“Idon’tknow.Thejudges,thepromoter,whoever.Mypointis,thefixwasin.”
“Thefixwasin?Yousoundlikeacharacterinagangstermovie.”
“I’mjustsayingthatnomatterwhatyoudid,shortofknockinghimoutorhavinghimtapout,Reesewasgoingtowinthatfight.”
Colinshrugged.“Reeseisheadingtothepros.Iwasalast-minutefill-in.It’sbetterforeveryoneifhefinishedundefeatedasanamateur.”
“You’rekidding.Thatstuffmatters?”
“Notofficially.ButproduceafighterfromthisareathatgetstotheUFCandit’sgoodforeveryone.”
“Youmakeitsoundlikeabusiness,notasport.”
“It’sthetruth.”
Evanshookhishead.“Fine.Bephilosophicalaboutitorwhatever.Doyouthinkyouwon?”
Colintookaforkfulofeggs.“Yes.”
Afteramoment,Evanshookhishead.“Istillthinkyoushouldhaveclockedhimwhenhestarteddoingthatdance.Hell,Iwantedtoclockhim.”
“Okay.”
Evanleanedbackinhisseat.“Allright,then.Sinceyou’refinewithit,I’mgladIgottowatchyougetyourasskicked.Especiallyafterthefiascolastweekend.”
“Okay.”
“Andthere’ssomethingelse,too.”
“Yeah?”
“Mariawastheretonight.”
Colinliftedhischin,instantlyalert.
“Shewaswithanothergirlwhocouldhavebeenhertwin,”Evanadded.“Well,notexactlylikeher,butcloseenough.YouknowwhatImean.Theywereontheoppositesideofthering,wayintheback.Butitwasher,withoutadoubt.”
“Okay.”
“What’sgoingonwiththetwoofyou,anyway?”
Colinforkedapieceofsausage.“Idon’tknow.”CHAPTER18
Maria
Thanksagainforcoming,”MariasaidtoSerenaonthedrivebacktoWilmington.Therainblewinsoftsheets,makingtheoncomingheadlightsshimmer.
“Itwasfun,”Serenasaidfromthepassengerseat,asodawedgedbetweenherlegs.“ItwasalsooneofthemoreinterestingSaturdaynightsI’vehadinalongtime.IthinkIactuallyknowoneofthefighters.”
“Duh,”Mariasaid.“Youweretheonewhosetusup.”
“I’mnottalkingaboutColin.I’mtalkingaboutoneoftheotherfighters—IthinkI’veseenhimoncampus.Ofcourse,fromwherewewerestanding,it’snotasthoughIcouldbecertain.Tellmeagainwhywedidn’ttrytogetcloser?”
“BecauseIdidn’twantColintoknowIwasthere.”
“Andagain…whyisthat?”
“Becausewehaven’ttalkedsincelastweekend,”Mariasaid.“Ialreadytoldyouallofthis.”
“Iknow,Iknow.Heyelledatthewaitressandthepolicecameandyougotallfreakedout.Blah,blah,blah.”
“Iappreciateyoursympathy.”
“I’msympathetic.Ijustthinkyou’remakingamistake.”
“Youdidn’tsaythatlastSunday.”
“Well,I’vehadachancetothinkaboutit.Andonthatnote,thanksforkeepingmeinthedarkaboutthestalkeruntilthen.”
Hervoicedrippedsarcasm,butMariacouldn’treallyblameher.“Ididn’tknowforsureuntilthen.”
“Andwhenyoudidfindout?Colinwasrightthere,tryingtogetanswers.”
“Hewasdoingwaymorethanthat.”
“Wouldyouratherdatethekindofguywhodoesnothing?Whowouldsittherelikealog?Orwouldyouhavewantedhimtotakechargeofthesituation?Hell,ifI’dbeenthere,Iwouldprobablyhaveyelledatthatdingbatwaitress,too.Whocan’trememberwhatsomeonelookslikeafewminutesafterthey’veorderedadrink?”
“IsawasideofColinthatIdidn’tlike.”
“Sowhat?DoyouthinkthatMomhasn’tseenasideofDadthatshedoesn’tlike?Orviceversa?I’veseenasideofyouthatIdon’tlike,butIdidn’tshutyououtofmylife.”
“Whatside?”
“Doesitmatter?”
“Yes.”
“Fine.Youalwaysthinkyou’reright.Itbugsme.”
“No,Idon’t.”
“You’remakingmypoint.”
“Andyou’rebeginningtoirritateme.”
“Someone’sgottokeepyouinlineandtellyouwhenyou’rewrong.Andonthatnote,you’rewrongaboutColin,too.Youshouldcallhim.He’sgoodforyou.”
“I’mnotsosureofthat.”
“Thenwhydidyouinsistthatwecomewatchhimfighttonight?”
Whyhadshewantedtocometonight?She’dwaffled,tellingSerenathatshe’dpromisedColinthatshewould,butSerenahadmerelyscoffed.
“Justadmitthatyoustilllikehim,”she’dsaid.
Lastweekend,ithadbeenclearthatsheneededsomespacetothink.Herwhipsawingemotions—aboutthestalker,aboutColin—hadleftherfeelingwildlyoff-kilter,afeelingthatonlygrewworseastheweekworeon.
Eventheatmosphereatworkfeltoddtoher.KenhadbeeninandoutofBarney’sofficemostoftheweek,lookingdistractedandworried,thoughhedidn’tsomuchasmumbleasinglewordtoher.Barneywasequallytense;bothheandKenweren’tintheofficesatallonThursday,andwhenLynndidn’tshowupforworkoneitherThursdayorFriday,she’dexpectedBarneytoraisehellassoonashereturned,ifonlybecauseLynnhadn’tsomuchascalledtosayshewouldn’tbecomingin.However,BarneyhadsimplyaddedLynn’sworktoMaria’splatewithoutexplanationorcomment.
Strange.
Herparents,too,wereaconcern.StillgrievingoverCopo,herdadwasdepressedtothepointthathe’dstoppedgoingintotherestaurant,andhermomwasworriedabouthim.MariahaddinnerwiththemonTuesdayandThursdayevenings,SerenaonMondayandWednesday,andonthewaytoColin’sfight,they’dbothagreedthatsomethingneededtobedone,eveniftheyweren’tquitesureiftherewasanythingtheycoulddo.
Thefightwassupposedtobeadistraction,oratleastthat’swhatshe’dtriedtotellherself.Serena,too.ButassoonasColinhadsteppedintothecage,she’dfeltanalmostnauseatingwaveofbutterfliescoupledwithanacutesenseofregret.
Allofwhichmeant…what?
Withherparentsgrieving,theideaofbeggingofftheirusualSundaybrunchwasoutofthequestion,evenifshedidn’tfeelasthoughshewasintherightframeofmindtosupportanyone.WhichwaswhythesightofSerenaonthefrontporch,almostvibratingwithexpectantenergy,caughtMariaoffguard.AssoonasMariapulledintothedrive,Serenaskippedover.
“What’sgoingon?”
“Iknowwhatwehavetodo,”Serenasaid.“AndIhavenoideawhyittookthislongtofigureitout,otherthanthatI’manidiot!Ontheplusside,youandIaregoingtogetourlivesback…Imean,IloveMomandDad,butIcan’tkeepcomingoverherefordinneracoupleoftimesaweekandhavingbrunchonSunday.Ialreadyhavetospendtimewiththemattherestaurant,andIneedatleastalittlespace,youknow?”
“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
“I’vethoughtofsomethingtohelpMomandDad.”
Mariasteppedoutofthecar.“Howarethey?”
“Notgreat.”
“Thisshouldbeinteresting.”
“LikeIsaid,Ihaveaplan.”
Ittooksomecoaxing,butdespitetheirreservations,Maria’sparentsweren’tthekindtosaynototheirkids,especiallywhenthegirlswereunitedintheirpleas.
Climbingintotheirdad’sSUV,theydrovetotheHumaneSociety.Whentheyreachedtheparkinglotofthelow-slung,nondescriptbuilding,Mariacouldn’thelpnoticinghowherparentsdraggedtheirfeet,reluctancewrittenintheireverystep.“It’stoosoon,”theirmotherhadprotestedwhenSerenafirstintroducedtheidea.
“We’lljustseewhat’savailable,”Serenahadreassuredthem.“Nopressure.”Nowtheytrailedbehindtheirdaughters,movingslowlytowardthedoors.
“I’mnotsosurethisisagoodidea,”Mariahissed,leaningclosertoSerena.“Whatiftheydon’thaveadogherethathelikes?”
“RememberhowItoldyouthatStevevolunteershere?Well,afterItoldhimaboutCopo,Stevementionedthatthere’sonedogthatjustmightbeperfect,”Serenawhisperedback.“Heevenagreedtomeetushere.”
“Didyoueverconsidergettinghimanothershihtzu?FromthesamebreederwheretheygotCopo?”
“OfcourseIdid,”Serenasaid.“ButIdidn’twantthemtothinkweweretryingtoreplaceCopo.”
“Isn’tthatexactlywhatwe’redoing?”
“Notifit’sadifferentkindofdog.”
Mariawasn’tasconfidentinSerena’slogicashersisterobviouslywas,butshesaidnothing.Steve,lookingvisiblynervous,greetedthemassoonastheyentered.AfterSerenaofferedhimahug,sheintroducedhimtoherparents.Steveeagerlyledthemintotheback,towardthekennels.
Dogsimmediatelybegantobark,thesoundechoingoffthewalls.Theywalkedslowlypastthefirstfewkennels—therewasaLabmix,apitbullmix,andsomesortofterrier—andshenotedherparents’apathy.
Aheadofthem,SerenaandStevestoppedatoneofthesmallerkennels.“Howaboutthisone?”Serenacalledout.FelixandCarmenheadedovertoher,movingreluctantly,likethey’dratherbeanywhereelse.Mariatrailedintheirwake.
“Whatdoyouthink?”Serenapressed.
Inthekennel,Mariasawasmallblack-and-browndogwithafacelikeateddybear’s,sittingonitshaunches,makingnonoiseatall.Mariahadtoadmitthatitwasjustaboutthecutestthingshe’deverseen.
“He’sashorkietzu,”Steveoffered.“It’samixbetweenashihtzuandaYorkshireterrier.He’sverysweetandbetweentwoandthreeyearsold.”
Steveopenedthekennel;reachingin,hepickedupthedogandofferedittoFelix.“Wouldyoumindcarryinghimoutside?He’dprobablylovesomefreshair.”
Withatraceoflingeringreluctance,Felixcradledthedog;Carmenleanedincuriously.Mariawatchedasthelittledoglickedherfather’sfingersbeforeyawningwithasqueak.
Withinminutes,Felixwasinlove,aswasCarmen.Serenastoodbywatchingthem,holdingSteve’shand,clearlypleasedwithherself.
NotthatMariacouldblameher.
Nowondershe’dbeenshort-listedforthescholarship;Serenawassometimesabsolutelybrilliant.
WhenMariareturnedtoworkonMonday,thetensionintheofficewaspalpable.Everyonewasonedge,paralegalswhisperingtoeachotheroverthepartitionsoftheircubicles,growingsilentwheneveranyoftheattorneysapproached;meanwhile,Marialearnedthatallthepartnershadbeenclosetedintheconferenceroomsincetheveryearlymorning,whichcouldonlysignifythatsomethingmajorwasbrewing.
Lynnwasabsentforthethirdconsecutiveworkday,andwithnoideawhatshewassupposedtodo—Barneyhadneglectedtoleaveheranyinstructions—MariapokedherheadintoJill’soffice.
Beforeshecouldgetawordout,Jillbeganshakingherheadandtalkingloudlyenoughtobeheardinthehallway.
“Ofcoursewe’restillonforlunch,”Jillannounced.“Ican’twaittohearaboutyourweekend!Itsoundsamazing!”
ThepartnerswerestillbehindcloseddoorswhenMariafinallytookaseatacrossthetablefromJillatanearbyrestaurant.
“Whatintheworldisgoingontoday?It’slikesomesortoftwilightzonebackthere!Andwhatarethepartnerstalkingabout?Nooneseemstoknowanything.”
Jillexpelledalongbreath.“It’sallveryhush-hushrightnow…butI’msureyou’venoticedtheabsenceofyourparalegal?”
“Doesshehavesomethingtodowithwhat’sgoingon?”
“Youcouldsaythat,”Jillmuttered,trailingoffwhenthewaiterapproachedtotaketheirdrinkorders.Shewaiteduntilthewaiterhadwalkedawaybeforespeakingagain.“We’llgettothat,”shesaid.“AndI’llanswerwhatIcan.Mainly,IwantedtohavelunchwithyoubecauseIwantedtorunsomethingbyyouinconfidence.”
“Yeah,ofcourse…”Mariasaid.
“Areyouhappyworkingatthefirm?”
“I’mdoingokay.Why?”
“BecauseIwaswonderingifyou’deverconsiderleavingandcomingtoworkwithmeatmyownfirm.”
Mariawastoostunnedtoformulateananswer.
Jillnodded.“Iknowit’sabigdecision,andyoudon’tneedtogivemeananswerrightnow.ButIwantyoutothinkaboutit.Especiallynow,givenwhat’sgoingon.”
“Istilldon’tknowwhat’sgoingon.Andwait…You’releaving?”
“We’vebeenworkingonourplanssincebeforeyoustartedhere.”
“We?”
“I’llbeworkingwithLeslieShaw.She’sanemploymentattorneywithScanton,DillyandMarsden,andwewenttolawschooltogether.She’sterrific,sharpasatack,andshrewdwhenitcomestolaborlaw.I’dlikeyoutomeetherifyou’reopentotheideaofmaybecomingtoworkwithus.You’dhavetolikeher,ofcourse…butifyouhavenodesiretoleave,thenIhopeyou’llforgetIsaidanythingatall.Fornow,we’retryingtokeepthisasquietaspossible.”
“Iwon’tsayanything,”Mariapromised,theshockstillreverberating.“AndofcourseI’dbewillingtomeether,but…whyareyouthinkingaboutleaving?”
“Becauseourfirmisintrouble.Like,Titanic-hitting-the-icebergtrouble,andthenextfewmonthsaren’tgoingtobepretty.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Ourmanagingpartner,Ken,isabouttogetsuedbyLynnforsexualharassment.AndI’mguessingthattwo,maybeeventhreeotherparalegalsarealsogoingtosue.That’swhatthepartnershavebeenmeetingaboutallday.Becauseit’sgoingtomakethenewsandit’sgoingtobeugly.FromwhatIheard,theprivatemediationdidn’tgowelllastweek.”
“Whatmediation?”
“LastThursday.”
“WhichexplainswhyLynn,Barney,andKenwereabsent…Whyhaven’tIheardanythingaboutthis?”
“BecauseLynnhasn’tfiledwiththeEEOCyet.”
“Thenwhywasthereamediationatall?”
“BecauseKenwaswarnedaboutitacoupleweeksbackandhasbeendoingeverythinghecantoheaditoff.You’venoticed,I’msure,thathe’sbeenonhisbestbehaviorsincethen.He’sterrified.I’msureheexpectsthefirmtonegotiateasettlement,andI’msuretheotherpartnersarebalkingatthat.TheywantKentomakeitgoaway,buthedoesn’thavethemoney.”
“Howcanhenothavethemoney?”
“Twoex-wives?Andthisisn’tthefirsttimeit’shappened.Kenhassettledbefore.That’swhyIusedtoaskyouabouthim.Becauseyou’reyoungandattractiveandyouworkintheoffice,whichisallittakes,asfarasKenisconcerned.Theguydoesallhisthinkingfrombelowthewaist.And,ofcourse,Lynnwillclaimthatthepartnerswereallincahootswithhim,sincetheyknewexactlywhatkindofguyhewasandneverdidanythingaboutit.Thefirmcouldbestaringatamultimillion-dollarpayout…andlet’sjustsaythatalotofclientsaren’tgoingtowanttobeassociatedwithafirmknownforrampantsexualharassment.Whichbringsmebacktomyoriginalquestion:AreyouopentotheideaofjoiningLeslieandmeatanewfirm?”
Mariawasoverwhelmed.“Idon’thaveemploymentlawexperience…”
“Iunderstand,butI’mnotworried.You’resmartanddriven,andyou’llpickuponitfasterthanyouprobablyimagine.Theonecaveatisthatwe’reprobablynotgoingtobeabletomatchyoursalaryfromtheget-go,butyou’llhavemoreflexiblehours,andjustbyjoiningondayoneyou’dbeonthefasttracktobecomingapartner.”
“Whenareyouthinkingofleaving?”
“FourweeksfromFriday,”shesaid.“We’vealreadyleasedandfurnishedanofficeafewblocksfromhere;allthepaperworkisfiled.”
“I’msurethereareothersouttherewhoaremuchmorequalified.Sowhyme?”
“Whynotyou?”Jillsmiled.“We’refriends,andifI’velearnedonethinginthisprofession,it’sthatworkisalotmoreenjoyablewhenyoulikethepeopleyouspendyourdayswith.I’vehadenoughofKenandBarneytolastalifetime,thankyouverymuch.”
“I’m…flattered.”
“Soyou’llthinkaboutit?AssumingyouandLesliehititoff?”
“Idon’tseewhyIwouldn’t.What’sLeslielike?”
Thepartnersfinallyfiledoutoftheconferenceroomaroundthreep.m.,allofthemlookinggrim.Barneyimmediatelyholedupinhisoffice,clearlyinnomoodtotalk.Thesamewentfortheotherpartners;onebyone,officedoorswereclosed.Likemostoftheemployees,Mariadecidedtoleaveafewminutesearly,andonherwayoutshenotedthattheremainingstaffmembersactedbothnervousandscared.
JillhadcalledheragainafterspeakingwithLeslieandconfirmedplansforthethreeofthemtohavelunchonWednesday.Jill’senthusiasmwasinfectious,buttheupheavalwasalsocausingMariasometrepidation.Changingjobs,changingherpracticearea(again),andjoiningastart-upstillfeltriskytoher,evenifstayingheresuddenlyseemedevenriskier.
Whatshereallywanted,sherealized,wastotalktosomeoneotherthanSerenaorherparents.Climbingintohercar,shefoundherselfdrivingpastEvan’shouseandthegym,searchingforColin’scarbeforewindingherwaytoWrightsvilleBeach.
ThebaratCrabbyPete’swasmostlyempty.ShewasclimbingontoastoolbeforeColinfinallynoticedher,andshewatchedhissurpriseslowlygivewaytosomethingmorereserved.
“Hi,Colin,”shesaidquietly.“It’sgoodtoseeyou.”
“I’msurprisedyou’rehere.”
Staringathimstandingbehindthebar,shethoughttoherselfthathewasoneofthehandsomestmenshe’devermet,andfeltthesamepangofregretshehadonSaturdaynight.
Shesighed.“I’mnot.”
Thebarwasagoodplacetotalk;thephysicalbarrierbetweenthemandthefactthatColinwasworkingkepttheconversationfrombecomingtooserioustooquickly.ColinbriefedheronthefightwithReeseandEvan’sinsistencethatthewholethinghadbeenrigged.Mariatoldhimaboutthedogthey’dhelpedtheirparentsadopt,alongwiththecrisisatthefirmandhernewcareeropportunitywithJill.
Aswastypical,helistenedwithoutinterruption;asalways,shehadtodrawouthisexplanationsandthoughts;butwhenthetimecameforhertoleave,heaskedawaitertocoverforhimforafewminutessohecouldwalkhertohercar.
Hedidn’ttrytokissher,andwhensherealizedhewasn’tgoingto,sheleanedinandkissedhim.Asshetastedthefamiliarwarmthofhismouth,shefoundherselfwonderingwhyshe’dfeltitnecessarytotakeabreakfromhiminthefirstplace.
Athome,theexhaustionofthedayfinallytakingitstoll,shefellasleepquickly.ShewoketoatextfromColinthatthankedherforcomingbyandtoldherthathe’dmissedher.
Tuesday,themoodattheofficewasworsethanithadbeenonMonday.Whilethepartnersseemeddeterminedtoactinabusiness-as-usualkindofway,thewithholdingofinformationwaswearingoneveryoneelse.Therewaslittlequestionthatmostoftheofficehadbeguntoimaginetheworst,andrumorsbegantofly.Mariaheardwhispersaboutlayoffs—manyoftheemployeeshadfamiliesandmortgages,whichmeantthattheirlivesmightjustbecomealotmorecomplicated.
Mariadidherbesttokeepherheaddownandconcentrateonwork;Barneyremainedquietanddistracted.Thenecessityforfocusmadethehourspassquickly,andwhenshefinallylefttheoffice,sherealizedshehadn’tthoughtaboutthestalkeratall.
Shewonderedwhetherthatwasgoodorbad.
OnWednesday,thelunchwithLeslieandJillwentevenbetterthanMariacouldhavehoped.Lesliewasinmanyrespectsaperfectcomplementtoherbestfriendintheoffice—justaslivelyandirreverent,butalsonurturingandthoughtful.Theideaofworkingsidebysidewiththembegantoseemtoogoodtobetrue.Afterlunch,whenJillpoppedovertoreportthatLesliehadbeenequallyenthusiasticaboutthemeeting,Mariafeltawaveofrelief.Jillalsowalkedherthroughtheirbasicoffer,includinghersalary,whichwassignificantlylower,butatthispointMariadidn’tcare.Shewouldadjustherlifestyleaccordingly.
“I’mexcited,”shetoldJill.Shewonderedwhat—ifanything—sheshouldrevealaboutherstalkerorthefactthatsheandColinweretentativelybacktogether,andthensherealizedthatshehadn’tevenmentionedthefactthatthey’dbeenbrokenup.
Toomuchhappeningallatonce.
Meanwhile,atMartenson,Hertzberg&Holdman,theblackcloudthathaddescendedontheofficegrewsteadilydarker,andassheandJillapproachedheroffice,Jillleanedtowardher.
“Don’tbesurprisedifyouhearsomethingmajortomorrow,”shewarned.
Indeed,onThursdaymorning,wordracedthroughtheofficethatLynnhadfiledwiththeEEOC.Kenagainwasano-show.Thoughthereportwassupposedtobeconfidential,inanofficeofhigh-poweredattorneyswithfavorstocallin,itwassoononvirtuallyeveryone’scomputer.Joiningthecrowd,MariareadthroughtheEEOCcharges,whichspelledoutalltheluriddetails.Thereportrecountedinbluntandhighlyspecific,oftensexuallanguageKen’snumerousandunwantedadvances,includinghispromisesofcareeradvancementandahighersalaryinexchangeforspecificsexualfavors.Employees,theirworstfearsnowconfirmed,weremovingaroundinadaze.
MariaandJillescapedtheoffice,headingtolunchattheirusualtime,anddiscussedwhentoannouncethatthey’dbeleavingthefirm.MarialeanedtowardtheideaoflettingBarneyknowsoonerratherthanlatersohewouldn’tbecaughtinabind—maybewithinafewdays.
“He’sdemanding,buthe’salsobeenfairandI’velearnedalotfromhim,”Mariasaid.“AndIhavenodesiretomakethingsevenworseforhim.”
“That’savalidpoint—andit’sthoughtful—butitmightbackfire.I’mwonderingifweshouldletthedustsettlefirst.”
“Why?”
“BecauseonceyouandIannouncethatwe’releaving,itmightsetoffanexodusofotherattorneys,whichcouldleadtoadeathspiral.Weannounce,thenothersdo,thenclientsleave,andthenextthingyouknow,evenpeoplewhowerewillingtostickaroundmightfindthemselvesoutofwork.”
“I’msurealotofpeoplearealreadyconsideringtheiroptions.”
“I’msure.Iwould.Butthat’snotthesameasactuallyresigning.”
Intheend,theycompromisedontwoweeksfromFriday,leavingBarneywithashortwindowtofindareplacement.Fromthere,theconversationmovedontothekindoffirmtheywantedtocreate—thekindsofcasesthey’dtakeon,howthey’dgrowtheirclientbase,whichoftheirclientsmightfollowthem,howmuchsupportstaffthey’dinitiallyneed.
OnFriday,anotherbombwentoffintheofficewhenwordracedthroughthehallwaysthatHeather,Ken’sparalegal,andGwen,thereceptionist,hadalsofiledcomplaintswiththeEEOC,theirstatementsasdamagingasLynn’shadbeen.Onceagain,thepartnersclosetedthemselvesbehindcloseddoors,nodoubtsendingdeathstaresinKen’sdirection.
Onebyone,associatesandstaffbeganleavingtheoffice—someatthree,othersatfour.Exhaustedfromtheweek,Mariadecidedtojointhem.Afterall,shewasplanningtomeetColinlater,andneededtimetounwindfirst.
“Ican’timaginehowsurrealitmusthavebeenallweek,”Colinremarked.
“It’sbeen…awful.Alotofpeopleareangryandscaredandpracticallyallofthemfeelblindsided.Theyhadnoideasomethinglikethiswascoming.”TheywereatthePilotHouseagain,andthoughthey’dspokenonthephoneacoupleoftimes—bothofthemtryingtoinchtheirwaybacktonormal—thiswasthefirsttimeMariahadseenColinsincehervisittoCrabbyPete’s.Inhisjeansandwhitebutton-downshirtwiththesleevesrolledtohiselbows,helooked,impossibly,evenbetterthanhehadonMonday.Funny,shethought,whatevenalittletimeapartcoulddo.
“AndJill?”
“Atotallifesaver.Withoutheroffer,Idon’tknowwhatIwouldhavedone.It’snotasthoughfirmsarehiringthesedays,andIprobablywouldhavebeenabasketcase.AndJill’sright.WiththreeemployeesfilingwiththeEEOC,it’sprettycertainthatevenifthefirmdoesfindawaytosurvive,allthepartnersaregoingtobeonthehookfinanciallyandit’sgoingtobegrimforthenextfewyears.”
“Whichprobablymeansthey’reupset.”
“Tryfurious.I’mprettysurethatthey’dalllikenothingbetterthantostrangleKen.”
“Doesn’tthefirmhaveinsuranceforthingslikethis?”
“They’renotsureit’llcoverthis.Hewasclearlybreakingthelaw,andaccordingtothecomplaints,therearerecordings,e-mails,texts,andoneoftheparalegalssupposedlyevenhasavideo.”
“Notgood.”
“No,”Mariaagreed.“Therearealotofinnocentpeoplewhoaregoingtogethurtbythis.Ican’ttellyouhowfortunateIam.”
“Okay.”
“Don’tstartsayingthat.”
Colinsmiled.“Okay.”
Theyspentthenightrediscoveringeachother,fallingasleepwiththeirlimbsintertwined.Inthemorning,Mariahadnoregretsandwassurprisedtocatchherselfpicturingsomethinglong-termbetweenthem.Thethoughtwasstrangelythrilling.AftertheyspentSaturdaytogetherflyingkitesatthebeach,thefeelingonlycontinuedtogrow.
OnSaturdaynight,shehaddinnerwithJillandLesliewhileColinworked;afterhisshiftended,theymetathisplace.EvanandLilywerethere,andthefourofthemtalkeduntilpastthreeinthemorning.Unabletostayawakeaminutelonger,ColinandMariadidn’tmakeloveuntilthefollowingmorning.
Thoughsheinvitedhimtobrunch,Colinbeggedoffwithhisapologies,citinganumberofupcomingexamshehadtostudyforbeforeworkinganothershiftthatevening.Whenshearrivedatherparents’home,shewaspleasedtolearnthatSmokey—thenameherparentshadchosenforthedog—nowhadhisownrhinestonecollar,bed,andvarioustoysstrewnthroughoutthelivingroom,butheseemedmostcontentwhensnuggledagainstherfather.Inthekitchen,Carmencouldn’tstophumming.Forherpart,SerenatalkedmoreaboutStevethansheeverhadbefore.“Okay,maybeit’sgettingalittleserious,”sheadmitted,eventuallysubmittingtohermother’sgrilling.
Atthetable,itwasFelix’sturntoaskaboutSteve,andallMariacoulddowassmile.Betweenhercareer,herfamily,andnowColin,thingswereonthewayup.Astheyclearedthetable,Mariarealizedagainthatshewasnolongerobsessingaboutthemaninthebaseballhat,partlybecauseofeverythingelsegoingon,butalsobecausethere’dbeennosignofhimlately.
Shewantedtothinkhe’dgivenup—thathe’dfinishedrattlinghercage.Butasmuchasshe’denjoyedthetemporaryreprieve,shewasn’tyetreadytobelieveitwascompletelyover.
Beforearainbow,afterall,there’susuallyastorm.
Theweatherwastoocooltopaddleboard,andsinceColinwasoccupied,Mariaspenttherestoftheafternoonandeveningtryingtocatchuponofficework.WithLynnabsentandBarneyoperatingatlessthanfullcapacity,thefactthatshe’dbeleavinginthreeweeksmadeherfeelabitguilty.Notguiltyenoughtochangehermind,butenoughtokeepherattheMacBookuntilherdocumentsbecameablurandwritingbecamepointless.
Whensheawokethenextmorning,Mariafoundherselfwonderingaboutthecomingweek—howmuchworsethemoodattheofficewasgoingtobe—andwhetheranyoneelsehadmadethedecisiontoleave.MostofthepartnerswereasdistractedasBarneyandKen,whichmeantworkwasprobablybackloggedineverydepartment,andmakingnewhireswasgoingtobetoughoncewordofthefirm’stroublesleakedout.Nodoubtitalreadyhad.
Fornow,sheresolvedtomakeherowndepartureaspainlessforBarneyaspossible.Hitchingherpurseoverhershoulder,shegrabbedherbriefcaseandheadedoutthedoor,hereyesflashingtothedoormat.
Ittookamomenttoprocesswhatshewasseeingbeforeherbreathcaughtinherthroat.
Awiltedrose,withpetalsturningblack,alongwithanote.
Youwillknowhowitfeels.
Almostlikeshewasdreaming,herfeetremainedrootedtothedoorstep,becausesheknewtherewouldbemore.Ontherailingnearthestepswasanotherrottingrosethatdroopedundertheweightofanothercard.Willingherfeettomoveforward,shesteppedoverthefloweronherdoormatandmovedclosertoread:
Whydidyouhateher?
Theparkinglotoutsideherdoorwasdeserted,thesidewalkempty;nocarsshedidn’trecognize.Hermouthwasdryasshelockedthedoorbehindherandliftedtherosefromthemat.Grabbingtheflowerthathadbeenthreadedthroughtherailing,sheforcedherselftowalkdownthesteps,hereyesscanninghercar.
Asshe’dfeared,hertireshadbeenslashed.Onthewindshield,anenvelopewastuckedbeneaththewiper.
Later,she’dbeamazedathowcalmlyshe’dhandledthediscoveries,attheclarityofherthoughts.Whenshereachedfortheenvelope,shethoughtaboutfingerprintsandhowbesttoreadtheletterwithoutdamaginganyevidenceandheldtheenvelopeatthecreases.Inthatmoment,shefeltnopanic;rather,shewasovercomewithaslow,sinkingsensation,arecognitionofinevitability.Somehow,someway,she’dknownthiswascoming.
Theletter,computergenerated,wasprintedonasinglesheetofunlinedprinterpaper,thekindthatcouldbepurchasedatanyofficesupplystore.Thefinalline,however,hadbeenhandwritteninboxy,almostchildlikelettering.
Youdon’tthinkIknowwhatyoudid?YouDON’TTHINKIKNOWWHOWASBEHINDALLOFIT?Youdon’tTHINKIcanSEEINTOYOURMINDandknowwhatYOUDID!YouhavetakenTHEBLOODOFTHEINNOCENT
YourHEARTISFILLEDWITHPOISONandyouareTHEDESTROYER!YouPOISONandyouWILLNOTGETAWAYWITHITYouwillknowhowitfeels,becauseIamINCONTROLNOW
IamthelivingINNOCENTONE
SEEMEjustasIseeyou!
Whenshefinishedtheletter,Mariareaditasecondtime,feelingphysicallyill.Thedisintegratingrosewasstillonthewindshieldandshereachedforit,groupingitwiththeothersinagruesomebouquet.
Turningawayfromhercar,shestartedbacktowardhercondo,herlimbsheavywithdread.Thesigns,sherealized,hadbeenobvious,andshe’dwillfullyignoredthem.Allatonce,memoriessparkedlikeblindingvisionsbeforeher:GeraldLawsbeinginterviewedbythepolice,withhisneatlypartedhairandwhiteteeth;CassieManning,heryoungfacedistortedwithfear;Cassie’sfather,Avery,frighteninglycertainofLaws’sintentionsandpossessedofaburningintensityhimself;Cassie’smother,Eleanor,mousyandsilentandaboveall,frightened.AndfinallyLester,thenail-chewing,nervousbrotherwho’dsenthersomanyterriblenotesafterCassie’sdeath.
Thoseawfulnotes,reflectinghisgraduallyescalatinganger.LikeLaws’sletterstoCassiewhilehewasinprison.
Thefirststepinapattern…
Onthewayupthestairstoherdoor,Maria’scellphonerang.Serena.Sheignoredthecall,needingtotalktoColin.Sheneededhimtomakeherfeelsafe;hereandnow,shefeltexposed.Withshakinghands,shedialedhim,wonderinghowsoonhe’dbeabletomakeittoherplace.
Apattern…
Margolishadtoldhertocometohimwiththereport,andshewantedColinthereforthataswell.ShehadtotellMargolisaboutGeraldLawsandCassieManning,thewomanwhomLawshadkilled.ShewantedtotellhimabouttheManningfamilyandeverythingthathadhappenedtoherrecently.Butmostlyshewantedtotellhimthatsheknewexactlywhowasstalkingher,andwhathisendgamewasgoingtobe.CHAPTER19
Colin
Sincehe’dstartedcollege,Colinhadnevermissedasingleclass,letaloneawholeday’sworth.Onlyoncehadhecomeclose—adaywhenhiscarhadn’tstarted,andhe’dhikedtoschoolcarryingabackpackloadedwithtextbooks,arrivingjustminutesbeforeclasshadbegun.
Therefore,todaywasafirst.AssoonasMariahadcalled,he’dracedtoherplace;he’dreadthenote,andwhileMariahadcalledMargolis,he’dcalledatowtruckwithaflatbed,sincehercarwasessentiallyrestingonitsrims.Whiletheywaitedforthetowtrucktoarrive,ColinmadeMariaacupoftea,butshewasonlyabletotakeacoupleofsipsbeforepushingthecupaway.
Thetowtruckcame;onceitwasgone,Colindrovehertothepolicestation.MariaofferedhernametotheofficeratthefrontcounterandsheandColintookaseatinthesmalllobby,notingthesteadybutunhurriedrhythmofthestation.MariatooktheopportunitytoleaveamessageforBarney,informinghimthatshewouldn’tbeinforawhile.Margolis,nodoubt,wasalreadysomewhereinthestation,probablyburiedinpaperworkfromweekendincidents.Asadetective,hedealtwithsignificantcrimes,andhewasprobablyregrettingthefactthathe’dchallengedMariatocallhimifsheeverwantedtomakeasimplereport.Stalking—ifwhatwashappeningtoMariaofficiallyrosetothatlevel—wasbelowhispaygrade,andthefactthatColinwaswithMarianodoubtmadethewholethingevenmoreirritatingforhim.Hemadethemwaitnearlyninetyminutesbeforefinallyshowingupcarryingamanilafile.WhileheshookMaria’shand,hedidn’tofferhistoColin,andColinwouldn’thaveshakenitifhehad.Noreasontopretendtheylikedeachother.
MargolisaskedtospeakwithMariaalone;MariainsistedthatColinbepresent.Radiatingdisapproval,Margolisnoddedandledthethreeofthemtooneoftheinterrogationrooms.Havingspenttimeinanumberofpolicestationsovertheyears,Colinknewthatonabusymorning,theinterrogationroomwasoneofthefewplaceswithanyprivacywhatsoever.Niceofhim,evenifheisgenerallyanass,Colinthought.Afterclosingthedoorandseatingthematthetable,Margolissetasidethefilehe’dbeenholding,askedaseriesofgeneralquestions—Maria’sname,age,address,andthelike—andbeganfillinginthereport.Afterthat,Maria—inashakybutsurprisinglylinearfashion—wentthroughthesamestoryshe’dtoldColinonthebeachaboutCassieManningandGeraldLaws,aswellaswhathadbeenhappeningtoherrecently.ShesketchedouttheparallelsbeforefinallyhandingMargolisthelettershehadfoundonthewindshield.
Margolisreadtheletterslowly,sayingnothing,beforefinallyaskingifhecouldmakeacopy.Whensheagreed,herosefromhisseatandlefttheroom,returningwithacopy.
“We’llkeeptheoriginalletterinthefile,ifthat’sokay,”hesaid,hisfacedisplayinglittleofwhathewasthinking.Takinghisseatagain,hereadtheletterathirdtimebeforegoingon.“Andyou’resurethatLesterManningwrotethis?”
“Yes,”Mariaanswered.“He’salsotheguywho’sbeenfollowingme.”
“That’sCassieManning’sbrother?”
“Youngerbrother.”
“Whydoyouthinkit’shim?”
“Becausesomeofwhat’sintheletterIheardhimsaybefore.”
“When?”
“AfterCassiedied.Healsowrotethesametypesofthingsinthenoteshesentme.”
“Likewhat,specifically?”
“Thebloodoftheinnocent.Myheartbeingfilledwithpoison.”
Margolisnoddedandmadeanothernote.“Wasthisinthefirstbatchofnotes,orthesecondbatch?”
“Excuseme?”
“Yousaidthenoteschangedwhentheystartedtoarriveagain.Thattheyweremorethreateningandscary.”
“Secondgroup.”
“Andhowdoyouknowhesentthenotes?”
“Whoelsecoulditbe?”
Margolisscannedhisnotes.“AveryManningsaidthatitmayhavebeenCassie’sboyfriend.”
“Itwasn’thim.”
“Howdoyouknow?”
“Accordingtothepolice,hewasn’tacrediblesuspect.HewasdevastatedbyCassie’smurder,buthedidn’tblameme.HedeniedevenknowingwhoIwas.”
“Didyoueverspeakwithhim?”
“No.”
Margolismadeanothernote.“Doyourememberhisname?OrhowhemetCassie?”
Mariapursedherlips.“IthinkitwasMikeorMattorMark…somethinglikethat.Andno,Idon’tknowhowhemetCassie.Butwhyareweeventalkingabouthim?Lesteristheonewho’sbeenstalkingme!JustlikehewrotethosenotesinCharlotte!”
“Didn’tyoutellmethatLesterdeniedwritingthenoteswhenthepolicetalkedtohim?”
“Ofcoursehedeniedwritingthem.”
“Anditnevercrossedyourmindthatitcouldhavebeenthis…Michael?Theboyfriend?”
“Whywouldhe?Hedidn’tevenknowme.Hetoldthepolicehedidn’tdoit.”
“SodidLester.”
“Haveyoubeenlisteningtome?Lester’scrazy.Thenotesarecrazy.Itdoesn’ttakemuchtoputtwoandtwotogether.”
“Doyoustillhaveanyoftheoriginalnotes?”
Mariashookherhead,herfrustrationsurfacing.“IthrewthemawaywhenImovedhere.Ididn’twantanythingtodowiththem.TheCharlottepolicemightstillhaveacoupleofthem,butIcan’tbecertainaboutthat.”
“Whenyousaynotes,whatdoyoumean?”
“Justasentenceortwo.”
“So…notlikethisone.”
“No.Butagain,heusedthesamewordsandphrases.Andthereweretwoshortnotesthatdofitthepattern.”
“Inotherwords,thisletterisdifferent.”
“Obviously.”
Margolistappedhispenonthereportinfrontofhim.“Okay.Let’ssayitisLester.Whenyousayhisnoteswerethreatening,whatdoyoumean?Didhesayhewasgoingtohurtyouinanyway?Orharmyou?”
“No,butitwasclearthatheblamedmeforhissister’sdeath.Actually,hiswholefamilyblamedmeintheend.”
“Whatwasthefamilylike?”
“Theywerejust…odd,”shesaid.“Theirwholedynamic,Imean.”
“Howso?”
Colinturnedtowardher,realizingthathehadn’theardMariatalkabouttheminmuchdetail.
“AveryManning—thefather—wasapsychiatrist,andfromtheveryfirstmeeting,heconsideredhimselfanexpertwhenitcametocriminalbehavior.HeneverletCassiemeetwithmealone.Hewasalwaysthere,andhedominatedtheconversations.Eveninthehospital,whenIwastryingtogetthestoryfromCassie,hewouldanswerforher.ItgottothepointwhereIhadtoaskhimtostepoutoftheroom,butherefused—themosthewoulddowasretreattothecorner,promisingtoremainsilentwhileshetalked.Eventhen,IhadthesensethatCassiewasverycarefulwithherwords,likeshewastryingtosaythingsexactlythewaythathewanted.Almostlikethey’drehearsed.Ithinkthat’swhyshe…embellishedherstoriesattimes.”
“Embellished?”
“CassietoldmethatLawshadhitherbefore.Iftrue,thatwouldhavebeenimportant,becausewemighthavebeenabletomakeamoreseriouschargestick.CassietoldmethatLawsstruckherinaparkinglot,andthatLesterhadwitnessedit.BothCassie’sandLester’sstorieswereidentical,almostwordforword,butwhenweinvestigated,welearnedthatLawswasinanotherstateonthedateandtimeinquestion,whichmeanttheybothwerelying.WhenwetalkedtoCassieaboutit,shewouldn’tbackdown.Thatonlymadethepleabargainevenmorenecessary.Laws’sattorneywouldhavehadafielddaywithherifshehadtotestify.”
“Andthemom?”
“Eleanor.Ionlymethertwice,andshewascompletelyunderAvery’sthumb.I’mnotsuresheeversaidanything.Justweptthewholetime.”
Margoliscontinuedtojotnotesasshetalked.“Nowlet’stalkaboutLester.Whatwashelike?”
“Again,Ionlymethimtwice,andhewasliketwoentirelydifferentpeople.Inthefirstmeeting,Ididn’tnoticeanythingoutoftheordinary.Themostnormalofthebunch,infact.ButwhenImethimthesecondtime,afterIinformedthemofthechargesagainstLaws,hechanged.Almostlike…hewasafraidofme.He’dmutterthatheshouldn’tbehere,thatnooneinthefamilyshouldbenearmebecauseIwasdangerous.Hisfatherkepttellinghimtobequiet,andthenhe’djustsitthere,fidgetingandstaringatmelikeIwasinleaguewiththedevil.”
“Doyouknowthenameofthepsychiatrichospitalwherehewascommitted?”
“No.”
“Butthenoteseventuallystopped?”
“AfterImoved.Butnowhe’sdoingitagain.”
Margolistwirledthepenbeforereachingforthefilehe’doriginallybroughtintotheroom.“Afteryoucalled,IhadtheCharlottepolicee-mailthereportaboutCassieManning’sdeath;I’mstillwaitingonthereportonLaws’sinitialarrest.Ihaven’treallyhadthechancetodigthroughitallindetail,butfromwhatIdidread,it’sclearthatGeraldLawskilledCassieManning.Furthermore,youdidn’tmakethedecisionthatallowedhimtopleadtoamisdemeanorinthefirstplace.Itwasyourboss—amIcorrect?”
“Yes.”
“ThenwhydoyouthinktheManningfamilyblamedyou?Or,inLester’scase,viewedyouas‘dangerous’?”
“BecauseIwastheonetheyweredealingwith.TheywerecountingonmetoconvincetheDAtogoforthemoreseriousconviction.AndinLester’scase,he’sobviouslyill…likeIsaid,heendedupinapsychiatrichospital.”
Margolisnodded.“Okay.Let’ssayyou’rerightaboutallofthis,andthatLesterManningisindeedresponsibleforeverythingthat’sbeenhappeningtoyou.”Heleanedbackinhischair.“Eventhen,I’mnotsurethatthere’sanythingIcando.”
“Whynot?”
“Youhaven’tseenhim.Nooneelsehasseenhim.Youdon’tknowwhoboughttheroses,otherthanthatitwasn’tyourboss.NoonesawLesterputtherosesintoyourcar.Allyouknowabouttheguywhoorderedyouadrinkwasthatitwasayoungmanwearingabaseballhat.NordidyourecognizetheguywhodeliveredtherosesasLester.Inotherwords,youhavenoproofthatitactuallyisLester.”
“Itoldyouthatthenoteusedsomeofthesamephrases!”
“Youmeanwhencomparedtothenotesyoudon’thaveanymore?Again,I’mnotsayingthatyou’rewrong.Infact,Ithinkthere’sagoodprobabilitythatyou’reright.Butasaformerprosecutor,youknowwhatthephrase‘beyondareasonabledoubt’means.Andrightnow,there’snotenoughforanindictmentunderthestalkingstatutes.”
“He’sbeenfollowingme,watchingme,andmonitoringmyactions.Thatmeetsthecourseofconductrequiredinthelaw.Hewroteanotethatterrifiesme.Heslashedmytires.Thatconstitutesharassment.Hisactionshavecausedsubstantialemotionaldistress,whichiswhyI’mhere.He’sclearlystalkingmeandthat’sacrime.”
Margolisraisedaneyebrow.“Allright,MissFormerProsecutor.Butifhedeniedwritingthenotesonce,he’lljustdenyitagain.Andthenwhat?”
“Whataboutthepattern?Notes,flowers,followingmearound,deadflowers.He’smimickingwhatLawsdidtoCassie.”
“Thepatternissimilar,butnotthesame.Lawssentlettersandidentifiedhimself.Youreceivedshort,unsignednotes.LawsspiedonCassieatdinnerandmadesuresheknewhewasthere.Someoneboughtyouadrinkataclub,anonymously.CassieknewthatLawshadsentherflowers.Youdon’tevenreallyknowforsurewhosentyoutheroses.”
“It’scloseenough.”
“Toyou,maybe.Butinacourtoflaw,it’sdifferent.”
“Inotherwords,becausehe’sbeencareful,he’sgoingtogetawaywithit?You’renotevengoingtotalktohim?”
“Don’tgetmewrong.I’lltrytotalktohim.”
“Try?”
“You’reassumingthathe’sstillintownandthatIcanfindhim.Ontheotherhand,ifhe’sinCharlotteoranothercity,I’llprobablyhavetoturnitovertoadetectivethere.”
“Andwhatwouldyousaytohimifyouwereabletofindhim?”
“I’lllethimknowthatIknowwhathe’supto,andthatit’sinhisownbestinteresttostop,ortheauthoritieswillintervene.”WhenitbecameclearthatMariahadn’texpectedhimtosaywhathehad,Margoliswenton.“Inotherwords,Ibelieveyou.Withthatsaid,Ican’tarresthimbecauseyouthinkheboughtyouroses.Orbecauseyouthinkheboughtyouadrink.Orbecauseyouthinkheputanoteonyourcar.YouandIbothknowthat’snotgoingtofly.And,intheend,hemightmakethingsevenworseforyou.”
“Excuseme?”sheasked.
Margolisshrugged.“Youmadeanaccusationbeforeandthefatherthreatenedtosueyouandthepolice.Nowyou’reaccusinghimagain.It’spossiblethathecouldmakeaclaimforharassmentagainstyou.”
“That’sridiculous!”
“Butit’spossible.”
“WhatamIsupposedtodo,then?Ifyou’renotgoingtodoanythingtohelpme?”
Margolisleanedforward,foldinghishandsonthetable.“I’vetakenyourstatementandthereportwillnowbeonfile.ItoldyouIwouldtalktohim,assumingIcanfindhim,orthatsomeoneelsewill.I’llreviewthefilesonLaws’sarrestandCassie’sdeath.AndI’llfindoutwhatIcanlearnaboutLesterManning.I’lltalkwiththeCharlottepoliceandhavethemcheckwhethertheoldnotesareinafilesomewhere.Consideringyou’veofferedmenothingwhatsoeverinthewayofproofthatyou’vebeenthreatenedatall—andtakingintoaccountyourquestionablejudgmentinchoosingaboyfriend—I’dsaythat’smorethanenough,wouldn’tyou?”
Maria’sfacewasamask.“Whataboutarestrainingorder?”
“Anythingispossible,butyouandIbothknowit’snotautomatic,forallthesamereasonswe’vediscussed.Butlet’ssaythatbysomemiracle,ajudgedoesgrantone.Thelawsaysthatit’snotvalidunlessLesterManningcanactuallybeserved.Which,again,mayormaynotbepossible.”
“Inotherwords,you’retellingmetopretenditisn’thappening.”
“No.I’mtellingyoutoletmedomyjob.”Hereachedforthefile.“I’llletyouknowwhatIfindout.”
“Idon’tknowwhyIwenttohiminthefirstplace,”Mariasaidonherwaybacktothecar,herfacetight.“Andyouknowwhatreallypissesmeoff?”Shedidn’tneedananswer.“He’sright.Aboutallofit.AndIknowhe’sright.Ifadetectivehadbroughtmeacaselikethis,Iwouldhaveturnedhimaway.There’snothinginthewayofproof.EvenifIknowit’shim.”
“Margoliswillcheckintoit.”
“Sowhat?”
“Margolismaybeanass,buthe’ssmart.He’llgetLestertosaysomethingincriminating.”
“Andthenwhat?YouthinkMargoliswillconvincehimtostop?IthoughtitwasoverwhenImovedhere,buteventhatdidn’tendit.HeknowswhereIlive,andforallIknow,LesterkilledCopo.Hemighthavebeeninsidemyparents’house!”
ItwasthefirsttimethatColinhadheardherlinkCopo’sdeathtoeverythingelsethathadoccurred,andherobviousfearmadesomethingcoilinsidehim.
Thiswasgoingtostop.LetMargolisdowhateverhewasgoingtodo,butrightnow,thatwasn’tgoodenoughforColin.Itwastime,hethought,forsomeonetofindoutjustwhatLesterwasuptothesedays.
AfterhedroppedMariaoffatwork,Colinpoppedinhisearbuds,putonsomemusic,andperchedhimselfinfrontofthecomputerathisdesk.
LesterManning.
Proofornot,havinganamehelpedtofocushisthoughts,andhewantedtofindoutasmuchashecouldabouttheman.
Theonlyproblemwasthatwithouteasyaccesstogovernmentdatabasesorofficialrecords,therewasn’tmuchhecoulddo.TherewerenolistingsinthewhitepagesforanyonenamedLesterManninginNorthCarolina,norcouldhefindacellnumber.ThereweretwoLesterManningsonFacebook;onewaslistedaslivinginAurora,Colorado,andtheotherinMadison,Wisconsin;thefirstateenager,thesecondamaninhisforties.Instagram,Twitter,andSnapchatturnedupnothing,nordidageneralGooglesearchusingthenameandthecityofCharlotteinvariouspermutations.
Therewereafewsitesthatheldoutthepromiseofmoreinformation—phonenumber,mostrecentaddress,andthelike—forafee,andafterdebating,hetypedinhiscreditcardnumberandgaveitawhirl.Thankfully,anaddresspoppedupinCharlotte.
TherewasalittlemoreonAveryManning,includingaphonenumberinCharlottelistinganAveryManning,MD,alongwiththesameaddresshe’dfoundforLester
Fatherandsonlivingtogether?
Oroutdatedinformation?
Therewerealsoafewshortarticlesonthefather.ThemostrecentoneconfirmedMaria’srecollectionthatManninghadhadhislicensesuspendedforeighteenmonths,apparentlyforimpropercareofanumberofpatients.Themostprominentcaseinvolvedayoungmanwho’dcommittedsuicide.Accordingtothearticle,Manningfailedtoproperlydiagnosethepatient’sattention-deficitdisorderandmonitorhisuseofAdderall.Otherpatientsclaimedthattheysimplygotworseunderhiscare.Ifthedateofthesuspensionwasaccurate,thenAveryManningstillwasn’tabletopractice.
Interesting.
Therewasaphotograph,too:amaninhismidfifties,withthinblondhairandlightblueeyesstaringoutofanangular,almostbonyface;toColin,hecouldhavepassedforawashed-outgravedigger.Colincouldn’timaginesittingacrossfromtheguyforanhour,spillinghisgutsandhopingforempathy.
AnotherarticlementionedManning’sworkwithprisoninmates.ThearticlequotedManningassayingthatmanyprisonersweresociopathsandbeyondpracticalrehabilitation.Humaneincarceration,hesaid,wasthemostpragmaticsolutiontocriminalpathology.OtherthancommentingthatManningconsideredhimselfanexpertoncriminalbehavior,Mariahadn’tmentionedhisworkinprisons,andhewonderedwhethershehadevenknownaboutit.
AlittlemoreresearcheventuallybroughtuptheobituaryforEleanorManning,whichsaidnothingaboutsuicide,butthatwasn’tsurprising.Mostpeopledidn’twantthatfactmadepublic.Italsonotedthatshe’dbeenamotherofthree,andwassurvivedbyherhusbandandson.Cassiehe’dheardabout,buttherewasanothersibling?
HereviewedhalfadozenarticlesonAveryManningbeforefindingtheanswer;inaninterviewonthesubjectofdepression,AverynotedthathiswifehadbattleddepressioneversincetheirsonAlexanderCharlesManninghaddiedinanautomobileaccidentwhenhewassix.
Alex.Cassie.Eleanor.
Somuchtragedyforonefamily.AndLesterblamedMariaforone,maybeeventwoofthedeaths.
EnoughtomakeLestertormentandterrifyher?
Yes.Theoriginalnotesmadethatplain.Asdidthepattern.
Chronologicallyornot,MariawasexperiencingthesamefearsthatCassiehad.AndlikeMaria,ColinknewhowtherestofCassie’sstoryunfolded.
Afterhegotoutofprison,LawsmetCassieface-to-face.
Cassiefiledarestrainingorder.
Thepolicecouldn’tfindLaws.
Intheend,Cassiewasabductedandmurdered.
WasthatpartofLester’splanaswell?
ItwasamassivejumptogofromwhathadhappenedtoMariasofartothefinalstep.Tormentingwasonething,murderwasanother,andhedidn’tknowenoughaboutLestertotrytoguesswhathemightdo.Thatdidn’tmean,however,thatMariashouldtakeanychances.
Hespentanotherhourwithoutlearninganythingmore.Somuchfortheeasypart—informationthatanyonecouldfind—andhewonderedabouthisnextstep.
WhatdidheknowaboutLester?Andwhatcouldheassume?
Lesterhadacar.Orhaduseofacar.
Notabigassumption,ofcourse,buthewonderedwhatkindofinformationhecouldfindifhehadalicenseplatenumber.Afewkeywordsintothesearchengineturnedupacoupleofcompanieswithaccesstoallkindsofpublicrecords,includingcarregistrationsandlicenseplatenumbers.Itwasabitexpensive,butitjustmightbehelpful,andhemadenoteofthewebsitesincasetheneedarose
Anythingelse?
Yes,hethought.Ifhewascorrectinhisassumption,LesterhadhiddenontheroofacrossthestreetwhenMariawasatwork.Asforhercondo,itwouldhavebeeneasyforLestertowatchherasshecameandwent,ifonlybecauseherschedulewaspredictable.Hewouldn’thavehadtocampoutforhours;hecouldhaveobservedherfromthecoffeeshopacrossthestreetorfromaparkedcar.Followinghertotherestaurantandthenightclubwouldhavebeenapieceofcake.
And?
BasedonthemeetingwithMargolis,ColinneededproofthatLesterwasstalkingMaria,andhewonderedifheshoulddrivetoCharlotteinthehopesofputtingafacetoaname.Maybeevengetaphotograph,assuminghecouldfindLester.Butthenagain,eventhatmightnotbeenough.Thefloristhadadmittedhehadn’tgottenagoodlookattheguy,andColindoubtedthewaitresswouldrecognizehim.EvenMariahadn’trecognizedhimupclose.
Andfinally,therewasCopo.Thedog’sdeathalsofitwiththepattern,andthemorehethoughtaboutit,themoreprobableitseemedthatLesterhadkilledCopotohurtMariaandherfamily.Becausehe’dbeenfollowingMaria,he’dknowwhereherparentslived.Butmorethanthat,italsomeantthathe’dwatchedthefamilyregularly.HowelsewouldhehaveknownthatCopohadbeenleftbehindatthehouse?MariahadsaidthatFelixbroughtCopoeverywhere,eventotherestaurant.Thatherparentsrarelyleftthedogathome.
Buthow?
TheSanchezbackyardhadaprivacyfence,andinatight-knitsuburb,alurkingstrangerwouldhavebeennoticed.
Howindeed.
Twentyminuteslater,hewasdrivingthroughtheSanchezneighborhood,tryingtopieceittogether.
Herparents’housewasquiet,apparentlynooneathome.Therewere,however,othersoutandabout.Awomanjoggingonthesidewalk;anelderlymanpruningthebushesinhisfrontyard.Amanpullingoutofhisdriveway,headingsomewhere.
Colinturnedatthecorner,thenturnedagain,headingdownthestreetthatranparalleltotheSanchezes’street,backyardsbumpingupagainsteachother.
Theneighborhoodwasbustling,thekindofcommunitywherepeopleprobablywatchedoutforeachother.
Lesterdefinitelywouldhavebeennoticed.
Unless…
HeslowedthecarasheapproachedthehousesthatbackeduptotheSanchezplace,andtheanswerbecameclear.
ThehousedirectlybehindMaria’sparents’homewasforsale.
Morethanthat,itappearedtobevacant.
Mariawasreservedwhenhepickedherupfromworkthatevening,andtheirconversationwasdesultory.ItwasclearthatshewantedtoavoidtalkingaboutLesterorMargolis.
Shewantedtospendthenightatherparents’,sohedroveherhomeandwaitedoutsidewhileshepackedanovernightbag.Next,hedrovehertopickuphercaratthetireshop,waitinguntilMariawasonherwaybeforefinallyexitingtheparkinglot.He’dwantedtofollowher,butthinkingitwouldonlymakehermorenervous,heaskedherinsteadtotexthimwhenshereachedherparents’place.Fifteenminuteslater,shelethimknowthatshe’darrived.
Thoughshesaidnothing,heguessedshe’dspentthedrivetoherparents’houserepeatedlyglancingintherearviewmirror,wonderingifLesterwasfollowingher.
Colinwaiteduntilaftermidnighttoreturntotheneighborhood,hismindonLesterManning.
Dressedinblack,he’dparkedafewblocksawayandapproachedthevacanthouse.Inhisbackpackhecarriedasmallflashlight,acoupleofscrewdrivers,andasmallcrowbar.Still,ifLesterhadbeeninsidethehousemultipletimes—andunlesshewasanexpertinpickinglocksorhadakey—thenColinguessedhe’dbeabletogetinthroughthesamewindowordoorthatLesterhadused.Theentrypointmightstillbeunlocked;unlesstheRealtorhadnoticedit,therewouldhavebeennowayforLestertorelockitoncehe’dleft.
Colinjusthadtofindit.
AndifLesterhappenedtobetheretonight,havingrealizedthatMariawasn’tathercondo?
AsmuchasColinitchedtoexactpunishment,he’dcallMargolis.MaybetheycouldchargeLesterwithtrespassing,maybeevenbreakingandentering,inadditiontostalking.
Thestreetwasquietandempty.Oneithersideofhim,throughgapsinthecurtainsofthenearbyhouses,hesawtheoccasionaltelevisionflickering,buthesuspectedmostpeoplehadturnedinforthenight.
Hereachedthevacanthouseandaquickcheckofthefrontdoorshowedalockboxonthedoorknob,courtesyoftheRealtor.Therewerenopartiallyopenwindowsontheporch,noranyprymarks.Hewentaroundtothesideofthehouseandnoiselesslyhoistedhimselfoverthefence,intothebackyard.Withtheflashlight,heinspectedthewindowsonebyone,huntingforasmallgaporprymarks.
Itwasn’tuntilhereachedtheoppositesideofthehousethathefoundit.
Abedroomwindow,fivefeetup,nearlybutnotfullyclosed.Prymarksontheframe,nodoubtusedtotakeoffthescreen.EasyforColintoclimbthrough,despitethedistancefromtheground,butforLester?Hescannedtheyardandspottedanoldplasticpicnictableset,madeforchildren.Basedonfourimprintsofflattened,yellowinggrass,thetablefromthesethadbeenmovedrecently.
Bingo.
Usingthescrewdriver,hepoppedthescreenoff,thenwedgedthewindowopenabitfartherbeforepushingitwidewithhishands.
Withaquickjumpandclimb,hewasinside.
Hewalkedthroughthedarkenedhouse,observingthatthefloorplanwassimilartoMaria’sparents’house,withwindowsinthekitchenandafamilyroomofferinganunobstructedviewoftheSanchezes’backporch.Buttheviewwasalmosttooperfect,facingbothways,andColinknewthatLesterwouldn’thavewantedtobespotted.
Whichleftonlyonepossibility.
Colintraversedtheshorthallway,turningintotheonlybedroomontherearsideofthehouse.Unliketheonesinthekitchenandfamilyroom,thewindowthatofferedaviewoftheSanchezes’backporchhadcurtains.Turninghisflashlighton,hescannedthepilecarpet.
Indentationsnearthewindow.Footprints.
LesterManninghadbeenhere.
Andtherewasalsothechancethathemightreturn.
Itwasn’tuntilhewasdrivinghomethatColinrealizedhe’doverlookedsomethingimportant.
WherehadLesterparked?
Itstruckhimasunlikelythathewouldhaveparkedinthedrivewayofthevacanthouse,oronthestreetinfrontofsomeone’shome.Itwastoonoticeable,especiallysincemanypeoplewantedtoparktheirowncarsinfrontoftheirhouses.Atthesametime,Lesterprobablywouldn’thavewantedtoparktoofaraway.
Turningaround,Colindrovebackthroughtheneighborhood,notsurewhathehopedtofind,untilhecameuponaparkthatincludedagrassyfield,ajunglegym,andbenchesstationedbeneathoaktrees.Ontheoppositesideofthestreet,tenortwelvecarswerelinedup;adjacenttotheparkweresevenmore.Thelatenessofthehoursuggestedthattheybelongedtothepeoplewholivedacrossthestreet,ownerswithmultiplecarsandnowhereelsetopark.
However,anothercarherewouldbemorelikelytogounnoticed—idealforLester—andhewassurehewasright.Pullinghisphonefromhispocket,hesnappedphotosofthecars,alongwiththeirlicenseplates.Hewantedtoknowwhichonesbelonged.Andashedid,histhoughtsbegantocoalesce.
HewantedtoknowwhatLesterlookedlike.
HewantedtofindLester’scarandlicenseplate.
HewantedtoknowwhetherLesterwasstayinginthearea,andifso,where.
Then,afterthat,hewantedtospendafewdayswatchingandlearningeverythinghecouldabouttheman.
“Towhatend?”Evanasked,squintingathimacrossthekitchentable;Lilywasalreadyasleepinthebedroom.
“Margolissaidthatheneedsproof.I’llgethimproof.”
“You’resureyou’renotdoingthisbecauseyouwanttobeatthecrapoutofhim?”
“Yes.”
“Yes,youwanttobeatthecrapoutofhim,oryes,you’renotgoingtobeatthecrapoutofhim,eventhoughyouwantto?”
“Idon’tintendtogoanywherenearhim.”
“Goodidea.Becauseyouhaveseriousissues.”
“Yes.”
“Andhowexactlydoyouintendtofindhim?Areyoujustgoingtohangoutattheparkandwatchforstrangecars?”
“Probably.”
“BecauseyouthinkthatLestermightonedayparkthereagain?”
“Yes.”
“Andhowareyougoingtoknowwhichcarsbelonganddon’tbelong?”
“Persistence.”
Evanwasquietforamoment.“IstillthinkitwouldbeabetterideaifyoujustletMargolisdohisjob.”
Colinnodded.“Okay.”
Afterafewhoursofsleep,ColinwasbackintheSanchezes’neighborhoodwithanotebookthefollowingday.He’dparkedafewblocksawayandheadedtothepark,exercisingonafloormathe’dbroughtfromhomewhilehewaited.
Itwasearly,thesunnotyetup,andallthecarshe’dseenafewhoursearlierwerestillthere.
Itwasmorethananhourbeforethefirstpersonemergedfromoneofthehouses,hoppedintoacar,anddroveoff.Colinjottedthemake,model,andcolorinthenotebook.Therewasaflurryofactivityathalfpastseven,andanotherflurryforty-fiveminuteslater.TwomorepeopleclaimedtheircarsasColinwasgettingreadytoleaveforclass,leavingonlyasingleredcar—atwo-doorHyundai—adjacenttothepark,andanothertwoontheoppositesideofthestreet.
Probablynothing,buthenonethelessnotedtheinformation.
Onhiswayout,hedetoureddownthestreetwiththevacanthouse.Thestreetwasempty,andhedecidedtoriskit.Pullingoverafewhousesdown,heheadedforthehousebeforecuttingtowardthefence.
Peekingover,hesawthattheplasticpicnictablewasexactlywhereithadbeenhoursearlier;thewindow,too,appearedtobeuntouched.IfLesterwasn’there,thenthethreeremainingcarsweren’tlikelyhis.Callit99percentcertain
Inclass,hefoundhimselfonlymildlyinterestedinwhattheprofessorsweresayingandstruggledtotakepropernotes.Instead,hewonderedwhetherheshouldheadtoLesterManning’slastknownaddressinCharlotteorcontinuetostakeoutthevacanthouse.Or,ifMariasleptatherplace,whetherheshouldwatchforLesterthere.
Allgoodoptions,butitwasimpossibletobeinthreeplacesatonce.
Whatifhechosewrong?
Hismindcontinuedtocircletheproblem.
Afterleavingcampus,hereturnedtotheSanchezes’neighborhood.TheredHyundaiparkedadjacenttotheparkwasstillthere,whilethetwoothersacrossthestreetweregone.
Thelonelycarseemedoutofplace.Again,onhiswayout,hestoppedatthevacanthouseandpeekedoverthefence.Nochange.
Lesterwasn’tinthevacanthouse.Whichmadesense.NeitherMarianorherfamilywerehome.
HedecidedtostayascloseaspossibletoMariaforthenextfewdays.IfLesterwasstilldeterminedtoexacthisrevenge,hewouldeventuallyfindher,wherevershewas.Andwhereversheplannedtobe,that’swhereColinneededtobeaswell.
Hecalledandinvitedhertodinner;onthephone,shewasalittlebetterthanshehadbeenthedaybefore,butstilltense.Hepickedherupatherplaceafterworkanddrovehertoabistronearthebeach,wheretheycouldhearthesoothingsoundofthewaves.
Again,sheavoidedanytalkofLesterorMargolis;instead,shefocusedonherandJill’splansforthenewfirm.Talkingaboutthenewventure,alongwithacoupleofglassesofwine,wasenoughofadistractiontoraiseherspirits.
ReturningtoColin’splace,theychattedwithEvanandLilybeforeMariafinallyreachedforColin’shand.Despiteherrelativecalm,ithadbeencleartohimalleveningthatMariahadnodesiretoreturntohercondo.
ColincheckedthevacanthouseonWednesdaymorning,makingsuretoswingbytheparkandcontinuingtonotethecomingsandgoingsofparkedcars.JustashewasbeginningtothinkthatLesterhadeitherabandonedtheviewingpostofthehouseorparkedhiscarelsewhere,WednesdayeveningbroughtachangeinthattheredHyundaiadjacenttotheparkwasgone.
Perhapsitwasnothing,butitwastime,hethought,tocheckthelicenseplate,whichendedupbeingawasteoftime.
Liketheothers,itbelongedtooneofthehomeowners.
OnThursdaymorning,ColinandMariawerehavingabreakfastofeggwhites,oatmeal,andfruitathisplace.ShetoldhimshewashavingdinnerwithJillandLeslieandthenplannedtospendthenightatherparents’house.
“They’reworriedaboutme,”sheexplained,butColinknewshestillwasn’treadytoreturntohercondoalone,especiallysinceColinhadtowork.“Ithinkthey’realsoworriedaboutSerena.”
“Why?”
“BecauseItoldthemI’vebeenstayingwithherthelastfewnights.We’renotmarriedandtheyhaveold-schoolvalues.Iknowyoudisapproveoflying,butIcan’thandlemymother’sdisappointmentontopofeverythingelserightnow.”
“Ididn’tsayanything.”
“Iknow.ButIcouldhearyouthinkingthatIshouldbehonestwiththem.”
Hesmiled.“Okay.HaveyouheardfromMargolis?”
Sheshookherhead.“Notyet.AndI’mnotsureifthat’sgoodnewsorbadnews.”
“Itmightbenonews.”
“Thatwouldfallintothebadcategory,”shesaid.“Hedidn’texactlyinspirealotofconfidenceinhisdeterminationtoattacktheproblem.ForallIknow,hehasn’tdoneanythingyet.”
Colinnodded,acknowledgingthathe’dbeenthinkingthesamething.Itwasn’twhatshewantedtohear,however,soheswitchedtopics.“Tomorrow’sthebigday.”
“Forwhat?”
“Aren’tyouofferingyourtwoweeks’notice?”
“Ohyeah.”Shesmiled.“Andyes,it’stomorrow,butit’sstrange,becauseIbarelythinkaboutitunlessI’mwithJill.It’sjustsosurreal.Afewweeksago,IcouldneverhaveimaginedthatI’dbegettingreadytojoinastart-up.”
“Whatdoyourparentsthink?”
“Mymom’sexcited,butmydad’snervous.Heknowshowharditistostartabusiness.HealsolikedtellingpeoplethatIworkedforMartenson,HertzbergandHoldman.”
“Fornow.”
“Yes.”Sheflashedawrysmile.“Fornow.”
“How’sthemoodattheoffice?”
Sheshrugged.“Hardtosay.It’snotasbadasitwaslastweek,butit’sstillgloomy.Workispilingup,andI’mhearingwhispersthatmorepeoplearethinkingaboutleaving.It’sonerumorafteranother.Yesterday,therewasarumorthatthefirmwasclosetosettlingthewholething—withalltheplaintiffs—butthat’sprobablyjustwishfulthinking.IfyoureadtheEEOCcomplaints,KenwasalotworsethanevenIthoughthewas.”
“Didyouevertellyourparentsabouthim?”
“Notachance.Ifmydadhadknown,hewouldhavegoneberserk.Latinobloodcanrunashotasyourssometimes.”
“Thenyouprobablydidtherightthingbynottellinghim.”
“Maybe.Butyoudidn’tdoanything.”
“You’renotmydaughter.”
Shelaughed.“He’sstillnotsosureaboutyou.Becauseofyourpast,Imean.”
“Okay.”
“Andalsobecauseofyourpresentpersona.”
“Okay.”
“Heevenhasthiscrazyideathatyouweretheonewhowasstalkingme.”
“Whywouldhethinkthat?”
“Becausehethinkshesawyourcarintheneighborhoodwhenhewasoutwalkingthedogyesterdaymorning.Iknowhe’sworriedaboutme,butsometimeshecangetalittlecarriedaway.”
AscanI.CHAPTER20
Maria
MariakissedColingood-byeonhisdoorstep;thoughhe’dofferedtofollowhertotheofficeashehadallweek,shetoldhimthatshe’dbefineandtogoonandheadtohisclasses.Intheinstantshe’dsaidit,she’dbelievedit,butasshedrovetoworkshenonethelessfoundherselfwonderingwhetherLestermightbefollowingher.Forthefirsttimesinceshe’dmovedfromCharlotte,shefeltherheartbeginningtoracefornoreasonwhatsoever.Withinseconds,itbecamehardertobreatheandhervisionbegantonarrow.
Instincttookoverandshewassomehowabletopullthecartothesideoftheroad,feelingherbodysuddenlygohaywire.
Tightnessinherchest.
OhmyGod…
Thiswasn’tnormal.
Shecouldn’tbreathe.
Hervisioncontinuedtonarrowandherthoughtsbegantoslip.
Shewashavingaheartattackandneededanambulance.
Shewasgoingtodieonthesideoftheroad.
Herphonebegantoring,butsheonlyvaguelyhearditsoundhalfadozentimesbeforeitwentsilent.Itdingedamomentlater,someonetexting.
Themusclesinherchesttightened.
Shecouldn’tgetenoughair.
Herheartcontinuedtopoundandterrorsetin,feedingontheknowledgethatshewasgoingtodie.
Sherestedherheadagainstthesteeringwheel,waitingfortheend.
Butitdidn’tcome.
Instead,shesimplycontinuedtodielittlebylittleoverthenextfewminutes,untilshewasnolongerdyingatall.
Intime,shewasabletoliftherheadfromthesteeringwheel.Herbreathingeasedandherperipheralvisionwasreturning.Herheartstillpounded,butitfeltlessintense.
Afewminuteslater,shebegantofeelbetter.Stillshaky,butbetter,andthoughitseemedimpossible,sheunderstoodthatshehadn’tbeenhavingaheartattack.
Instead,sheknewherpanicattackshadreturned.
Itwasanotherhalfhourbeforeshefeltcompletelynormal,andbythenshewasalreadyinheroffice.Barneywasn’taround,buthe’dleftanewmatterforher—theregionalhospitalwasbeingsuedbyafamilyoveraninfectioncalledpseudomonasthathadeventuallyledtoapatient’sdeath—alongwithahastilyscrawlednoteaskinghertogetstartedonfindingtheappropriatelegaldecisionsnecessarytobolstertheirdefense.
Shewasponderingtheentrypointforherresearchwhenhercellphonerang.Sheglancedatit,thenlookedcloser,makingsureshehadn’tbeenmistaken.Serena?
Shepressedthebutton,connectingthecall.“Hey,”shesaid,“what’sup?”
“Areyouokay?”
“Why?”
“Icalledearlierbutyoudidn’tanswer,”Serenachirped.
“Sorry,”Mariasaid,thinkingbackonthepanicattack.“Iwasinthecar.”Thetruth,evenifitwasn’tthewholetruth.ShewonderedwhatColinwouldthinkaboutthat.
“Howgoesitwiththeinvestigation?”
“Nothingyet.”
“HaveyoucalledMargolis?”
“IfIdon’thearfromhimtoday,Iwill.”
“Iprobablywouldhavecalledalready.”
“I’msure.So…what’sup?”
“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Younevercallmethisearly.Andwhyaren’tyouinclass?”
“Itstartsinafewminutes,butIjusthadtotellsomeone.Igotane-maillastnight,anditturnsoutthatI’moneofthethreefinalistsforthescholarship.IguessthedinneratMomandDad’smusthavehadapositiveinfluence…Thoughthee-maildidn’texactlysayitdirectly,IthinkImightactuallybeinthepoleposition.”
“Poleposition?”
“Yeah.Youknow,whentheyrestartaracefollowingawreckorwhatever,that’sthecarinthefirstposition.”
“Iknowwhatitis.I’mjustcurioushowyouknowwhatitis.”
“StevewatchesalotofNASCAR.Hemakesmewatchit,too.”
“Soit’sreallyarelationshipnow?”
“Idon’tknow…there’sthisreallycuteguyinoneofmyclasses.He’salittleolderthough,andhe’sdatingmysister,sothatmightbeaproblem.”
“Thatisaproblem.”
“I’mjustgladyouputyouregoasideandwenttotalktohim.”
“Ithadnothingtodowithmyego.”
“Ego,closeencounteratabarfight,samething.”
“You’reinsane,doyouknowthat?”
“Sometimes,”Serenaadmitted.“Butit’sworkedoutsofar.”
Marialaughed.“That’sgreatnews,”shesaid.“Aboutthescholarship,Imean.”
“Idon’twanttogettooexcitedjustyet.Don’ttellMomorDad.”
“Iwasn’ttheonewhotoldthemlasttime.”
“Iknow,”shesaid.“Dotheystillthinkyou’vebeenstayinginthedormwithme?”
“Yes.Andit’smyturntosaydon’ttellthem.”
Serenalaughed.“Iwon’tsayanything.ButI’mprettysureMomknowsthatyou’vebeenstayingwithColin.Ofcourse,she’soperatingunderthedon’t-ask-don’t-tellpolicy,whichmeansitprobablywon’tcomeuptonight.”
“Tonight?”
“Yeah,tonight.”
“What’stonight?”
“You’rekidding,right?Mom’sbirthday?Familydinner?Don’ttellmeyouforgot.”
Oops.“Uh…”
“Seriously?Doyounevercheckoutmyposts?Ormytweets?Iknowyou’vegotalotgoingon,buthowcouldyouforgetMom’sbirthday?”
She’dhavetocanceldinnerwithJillandLeslie,butthey’dunderstand,right?“I’llbethere.”
“AreyougoingtobringColin?”
“He’sworking.Why?”
“BecauseIwaswonderingwhethertoinviteSteve.”
“Whatdoesonehavetodowiththeother?”
“It’ssimple.IfigurethatifDadisbusyglaringatColin,hewon’tbeabletogrillSteve,andthey’llthinkhe’sgreatincomparison.”
Mariascowled.“That’snotfunny.”
Serenalaughed.“It’salittlefunny.”
“I’mhangingupnow.”
“Seeyoutonight!”
AfterhangingupwithSerena,MariarealizedshefeltstrangelynervousasshemadeherwaytoJill’soffice.Shedidn’tthinkLesliewouldbeoffended—itwasanhonestmistake—nordidshewantLeslietoquestionJill’srecommendation.ButwhenshesaidasmuchtoJill,herfriendlaughedaloud.
“Areyoukidding?Lesliedoesn’tcareaboutthatkindofstuff.”
“Areyousure?”
“OfcourseI’msure.It’syourmom’sbirthday.Whatareyousupposedtodo?”
“Icouldhaverememberedinthefirstplace.”
“Thereisthat,”Jillnoted,andMariagrimaced.Surprisingher,hercellphonerangagain.ThinkingitwasprobablySerenaagain,shewasgoingtoignoreitbeforerealizingthatshedidn’trecognizethenumber.
“Whoisit?”Jillasked.
“I’mnotsure,”Mariasaid.Afterdebatingforafewseconds,shetookthecall,prayingtoGodthatitwasn’tLester.
“Hello?”
Itwasn’tLester.ThankGod.Shelistenedtothevoiceontheotherend.“Yes,”Mariafinallysaid.“I’llbethere.”
Shedisconnectedthecallbutcontinuedtoholdthephone,thinkingaboutit.Jillmusthaveseenherexpression.
“Badnews?”Jillasked.
“I’mnotsure,”Mariaoffered,thinkingitwasfinallytimetotellherfriendaboutherhistorywithLesterManning…nottomentionthedramaofthepastcoupleofweeks,includingtheupsanddownsandupswithColin.ThethoughtoftellingeverythingtoJillwouldn’thavebotheredherinthepast,butvolunteeringsuchpersonalinformationtoherfuturebossfelt…risky,evenifJillwaslikelytofindoutanyway.
“Whowasit?”
“Acop—DetectiveMargolis.Heaskedtomeetme.”
“Thepolice?What’sgoingon?”
“It’skindofalongstory.”
Jillstaredatherbeforegettingupfromherdeskandcrossingtheroom.Sheclosedthedoorandturnedaround.
“What’sgoingon?”shesaid.
Intheend,confidinginJillwaseasierthanshe’dimagineditwouldbe.Futurebossornot,Jillwasherfriendfirstandforemost,andmorethanonce,shegrippedMaria’shand,clearlyconcerned.WhenMariaassuredherthatitwouldn’taffectherabilitytohelpwiththestart-up,Jillmerelyshookherhead.
“Rightnow,youhavemoreimportantthingstoworryabout,”shesaid.“LeslieandIcanhandlewhateverwestillhaveleft.Youneedtodowhateverandtakewhatevertimeyouneed,sothatyoucanfindawaytoputthisbehindyouforgood.It’snotasthoughwe’regoingtohaveclientsliningupinthefirstcoupleofmonthsanyway.”
“Itbetternottakethatlong.Idon’tthinkI’dbeabletohandleit.Ihadapanicattackthismorning.”
Jillwasquietforamoment.“I’llhelpyouanywayIcan.Justtellmewhatyouneed.”
LeavingJill’soffice,Mariarealizedagainthatlowersalaryornot,leavingtoworkwithJillnotonlyhadbeenthebestoptionavailable,butalreadyseemedtobethebestcareerchoiceshe’dmadetothatpointinherlife.
Whatitdidn’tdo,however,washelptherestofthemorningpassmorequickly.Nordidherworkload;wonderingwhatMargoliswasgoingtosaymadeitdifficulttoconcentrate,whichonlypreventedherfromgainingtractiononherresearchforthehospitalsuit.Withherfrustrationbeginningtorise,shesetherworkasideandtextedColin.
Yes,hetextedback,he’dmeetheratthestationataquarterpastnoon.
Shepeekedattheclock.
Thenbackattheclaim,knowingsheneededtoreviewitclosely.
TwohoursuntilshemetwithMargolis.
Timeinchedby.
Whenshepulledintothelot,Colinwaswaitingoutsidethestation,wearingsunglasses,shorts,andaT-shirt.Shewavedasshegotoutofhercar,hopingitwouldhidehownervousshewasbutsuspectingthatColinwouldknowanyway.
Hegaveheraquickkissbeforepullingopenthedoorforher.Mariafeltasenseofdéjàvuassheglancedaround.Unliketheirfirstvisit,however,Margolisdidn’tkeepthemwaitinglong.They’dbarelytakentheirseatsbeforeshesawhimstridingtowardthemfromtherearofthebuilding.Again,hewasholdingafile,andheusedittomotionthemforward.
“Comeon,”hesaid.“We’lltalkwherewedidbefore.”
MariasmoothedherskirtasshestoodandwalkedbesideColin,pasttheothersworkingattheirdesks,pastthegroupofpeoplecollectedaroundthecoffeemaker
Margolisopenedthedoorandpointedtothesamechairsthey’dusedbefore.SheandColintooktheirseatsasMargolismovedtothefarsideofthetable.
“ShouldIbeworried?”Mariablurtedout.
“No.Longstoryshort,Idon’tthinkLester’sgoingtobeaproblem.”
“Whatdoesthatmean?”shepressed.
MargolistappedhispenagainstthefolderbeforeflickingathumbatColin.“Itseemsyou’restillspendingtimewiththisparticularproblemchild.AndIdon’tknowwhyyoukeepinsistinghecomewithyouwhenwediscussyourcase.There’snoreasonforhimtobehere.”
“Iwanthimhere,”shesaid.“Andyes,we’restillspendingtimetogether.Happily,Imightadd.”
“Why?”
“Ilikehisbodyandhe’sfantasticinbed,”sheanswered,knowingitwasn’tanyofhisbusinessandnotbotheringtohidehersarcasm.
Margolissmirked,buttherewasnohumorbehindit.“Beforewebegin,letmesetthegroundrules.Forstarters,thefactthatyou’rehereatallissimplybecauseItoldyouI’dlookintoyourallegations,andbecauseItoldyouI’dbeincontact.Becauseyourtireswereslashedinadditiontopossiblestalkingviolations,thisisapotentialcriminalinvestigation,andinsuchaninstance,ongoinginvestigationsaregenerallynotdiscussed.Still,becausethere’salsothepotentialforacivilno-contactorder—theFifty-C—I’mchoosingtomeetwithyouandkeepyouasinformedasIthinkappropriate.Also,keepinmindthatbecauseLesterManninghasnotbeenservedaFifty-C,hehas—likeeveryoneelse—certainandexpectedrightstoprivacy.Inotherwords,I’lltellyouwhatIthinkisimportant,butIwon’tnecessarilytellyoueverythingIknow.IalsowanttoaddthatmostofwhatI’vedonehasbeenviathetelephone.I’vehadtorelyonadetectivefriendofmineinCharlotteforafewthings,andfrankly,I’mnotsurehowmuchmoreI’mgoingtobeabletoaskofhim.He’salreadygoneoutofhisway,andlikeme,he’sgotcasesthatarehigherpriority.Doyouunderstand?”
“Yes.”
“Good,”hesaid.“FirstI’llwalkyouthroughtheapproachItook,thenabitofwhatIlearned.”Openingthefolder,hepulledouthisnotes.“Myfirststepwastofamiliarizemyselfwithallthebackgroundinformation,soIperusedtherelevantpolicefiles.ThatincludedeverythinghavingtodowiththefirstassaultonCassieManning,thearrestandconvictionofGeraldLaws,courtdocuments,andfinally,informationregardingthemurderofCassieManning.Afterthat,Ireviewedyourfirststalkingreport—theoneyoumadeafteryoureceivedthenotesinCharlotte—andIspoketotheofficerinchargeofthatparticularcase.Itwasn’tuntillateTuesdayeveningthatIfeltlikeIhadaprettygoodgraspofeverything.
“Now,withregardtoLesterManning,I’mcomfortabletellingyouwhatyoucouldprobablylearnonyourownwithasimplepublicrecordssearch.”Heglanceddownagain.“He’stwenty-fiveyearsoldandunmarried.Highschoolgraduate.Hedoesn’townanyrealpropertyandtherearenocarsregisteredinhisname.Helistshisphonenumberandaddressasthesameashisfather’s.Withthatsaid,I’mnotsurehowmuchtimeheactuallyspendsthere.”
Mariawasabouttoaskaquestion,butMargolishelduphishandtostopher.
“Letmefinish,okay?You’llunderstandwhyIsaythatinjustacoupleofminutes.Now,IcansharethenextbitofinformationbecauseIthinkit’simportanttotheFifty-C,butI’mnotgoingtogointoheavydetailsbecausethosemayormaynotbeimportanttoanyfuturecriminalcase,allright?”Hedidn’twaitforananswer.“SinceCassie’sdeath,Lesterhashadsomeproblemswiththelaw.He’sbeenarrestedfourtimes,butnotforanythingviolentordangerous.It’sallminorstuff—trespassing,vandalism,resistingarrest.Thingslikethat.ItturnsoutthatLesterhasafondnessforsquattinginvacanthouses.Ineachcase,thechargeswereeventuallydropped.Ihaven’tlookedintothereasons,butincaseslikethese,it’susuallybecausetherewaslittleactualdamage.”
Besideher,MariasawColinshiftinhisseat.
“Otherthanthat,Iwasn’tabletolearnmuch,soIcalledDr.Manning,Lester’sfather.Ileftamessage,andsurprisingme,Igotacallbackwithinafewminutes.IidentifiedmyselfandtoldDr.ManningthatIwashopingtospeaktohisson,andIwillsaythathewasentirelycooperativeandmoreforthcomingthanIexpected.Amongotherthings,towardtheendofoursecondconversation,hegavemepermissiontodisclosethefullnatureofmycallwithhimtoyou.Doesthatsurpriseyou?”
Mariaopenedhermouth,thencloseditagain,notsurewhattosay.“ShouldIbesurprised?”shefinallyasked.
“Iwas,”Margolissaid,“especiallygiventhewayyoudescribedhimtome.Butanyway,whenIaskedhimifheknewwhereImightbeabletofindLester,heaskedmethereason,andItoldhimthatitwasregardingapolicematter.Towhichheresponded,andIquote,‘DoesthishaveanythingtodowithMariaSanchez?’”
Margolisletthewordshangbeforegoingon.“WhenIaskedhimwhyhebroughtupyourname,hesaidthatit’snotthefirsttimeyouaccusedLesterofstalking.Hesaidthatafterhisdaughterwasmurdered,youmadethesameaccusationregardingsomedisturbingnotesthathadbeensenttoyou.Heinsistedthathisson,Lester,wasnotresponsiblethen,andthathesincerelydoubtedthathewasresponsibleforanythingyouwereclaimingnow.Healsosaidtotellyouthatwhilehedoesfeelthatyoumadeamistakebyoptingforthelessercharges,he’swellawarethatGeraldLawswasresponsibleforCassie’sdeath,andneitherhenorhissonblamesyouforwhathappened.”
“He’slying.”
Margolisignoredhercomment.“Hetoldmethathe’snottakingpatientsatthepresenttime,andexplainedthathe’scurrentlyworkinginTennesseeforthestateprisonsystem.Hesaidthathehasn’tspokentoLesterinweeks,butthatLesterhasakeytothehouseandoccasionallystaysintheapartmentabovethegarage.HesaidthatI’dprobablybeabletofindLesterthere.WhenIaskedwhathemeantby‘occasionally,’Dr.Manningwasquietforabeat,andwhenhespokeagain,IgotthesensethatI’dtouchedanerve.Hetoldmethat‘Lesterisabitofanomad’andtherearetimeswhenhehasnoideawhereLestersleeps.IthinkhewasreferringtoLester’shabitofstayinginvacanthouses.WhenIpressedhim,headdedthatheandhissonaresomewhatestrangedthesedays,andforthefirsttime,hesoundedalmost…apologetic.HeremindedmethatLesterwasanadultandmadehisowndecisionsandtherewasonlysomuchhecoulddoasafather.HealsoaddedthatifLesterwasn’tintheapartmentatthehouse,mybestbetwastotrytofindhimatwork.AplacecalledAjaxCleaners.It’sajanitorialservicewithalotofcommercialclients.Hedidn’thavethenumberoffhand,butitwaseasyenoughtofind,andsomynextstepwastotalktotheowner,aguynamedJoeHenderson.”
Margolislookedupfromhisnotes.“Areyoufollowingmesofar?”
WhenMarianodded,Margoliswenton.
“WhenIspokewithMr.Henderson,hesaidthatLesterwasn’tafull-timeorevenpart-timeemployee.Heworkedasanon-callemployee—someonewhocouldcovershiftswhentheywereshort-staffedorwhatever.”
“Howcouldtheycallhimifhedoesn’thaveaphone?”
“Iaskedthatverysamequestion.Thewayitworksthereistheypostopenshiftsontheemployeesectionoftheirwebsite—Hendersonsaiditwaseasiertogetalistofpeopleandhavethemcheckthanalwaysscramblingtogettheshiftscovered.Ihadthesensethere’squiteafewpeoplewhocheckthelistregularly.Anyway,Lestersometimesworkedtwoorthreenightsaweek,butinthelastcoupleofweeks,hehasn’tworkedatall.NorhasMr.Hendersonheardfromhim.Ifoundthatinteresting,soIcalledthehouseacoupleoftimes,andnooneanswered.Intheend,Isentmyfriendoverthere,andasfarashecouldtell,noonehadbeeninthehouseortheapartmentforatleastaweek.Therewereflyersinthemailbox,newspapersontheporch,thatkindofthing.SoIreachedouttoDr.Manningasecondtime.Andthisiswherethingsgetkindofinteresting.”
“Becauseyoucouldn’treachhim?”
“Onthecontrary,”hesaid.“Again,Ileftamessage,andagain,Igotacallbackwithinminutes.WhenItoldDr.ManningthatLesterhadn’tbeenatworkandthatitdidn’tappearthatanyonehadbeenatthehouseorapartment,hissurprisegavewaytoconcern.Heaskedagainaboutthepolicematter—Ihadn’tyettoldhimwhatitwas—andImentionedthatIwaslookingintoacaseofslashedtires.HeinsistedthatLesterwouldn’tdosuchathing.Hesaidhissonisn’tviolent;ifanything,he’sterrifiedofconflictofanysort.Healsoadmittedthathehadn’tbeenasforthcomingaboutLesterinthepreviouscallashecouldhavebeen.WhenIaskedwhathemeant,hetoldmethatLester…”Margolisreachedforapageinthefile.“Suffersfromadelusionaldisorder,morespecifically,‘persecutorydelusionsofthenonbizarretype.’Whilehissoncangenerallyfunctionnormallyforextendedperiods,therearetimeswhenthedisorderentersamoreacutephase,sometimeslastingmorethanamonth.InLester’scase,ithasitsrootsintheoccasionalusageofillegaldrugs.”
Margolislookedup.“ThedoctorwentintoabitmoreaboutthespecificsofLester’sdisorder—waymorethanIneededtoknow,infact—butessentially,itcanbeboileddowntothis:WhenLesterisinanacutephase—whenthedisordermovesfromsimpleparanoiatoactualdelusions—Lesterceasestofunctionentirelynormally.Inthesemoments,Lesterstronglybelievesthatthepoliceareouttogethimandthatthey’llstopatnothingtoputhiminprisonfortherestofhislife.He’sconvincedtheywanttohurthim,andhe’sconvincedtheywillsetotherprisonersagainsthim.Healsohasthesamedelusionsaboutyou.”
“That’sridiculous.Lester’sbeenstalkingme!”
“I’mjusttellingyouwhatthedoctortoldme.HealsotoldmethatLesterhadbeenarrestedafewtimes.Itwasalwaysduringanacutephase,whichwaswhyhewouldresistarrest.ThepolicewouldgenerallyuseTaserstosubduehim,andDr.Manningaddedthatontwoseparateoccasions,Lesterwasbeatenbyotherprisonerswhilehewaslockedup.That,bytheway,goestowhatIsaidearlieraboutmysuspicionastowhythechargesweredropped.I’mguessingthatLesterwasn’tcoherentanditdidn’ttakeallthatlongforeveryonetofigureitout.”
Margolisletoutasigh.“ButbacktoDr.Manning.LikeItoldyou,hesoundedworriedandhesaidthatifLesterwasn’tatthehouseorworkingregularly,thenhewaslikelyinanacutephase.Whichalsomeanthe’dlikelybeinoneoftwoplaces:eitherhidingoutinavacanthousesomewhere,oratPlainview,whichisapsychiatrichospital.Lester’scheckedhimselfintherenumeroustimesinthepast,morefrequentlysincehismotherdied.Inherwill,sheleftatrustfundlargeenoughtocoverthecostofhistreatmentthere.It’sexpensive,bytheway.Icouldn’tgetanyanswersonthephone,soIcalledmyfriendagainandaskedifhecouldheadovertoPlainviewinperson.Hedidthatthismorning,aboutanhourbeforeIcalledyou.Andsureenough,LesterManningiscurrentlyapatientthere.Headmittedhimselfvoluntarily,butthat’saboutallthedetectivecouldreallytellme.AssoonasLesterlearnedthatadetectivewantedtotalktohimaboutMariaSanchez,hejust…freakedout.Myfriendcouldhearhimscreamingfromdownthehallandthenextthingheknew,acoupleoforderlieswererushinginthatdirection.LikeIsaid,interesting,don’tyouthink?”
Mariawasn’tsurewhattosay.Inthesilence,sheheardColin’svoice.
“Whenwasheadmittedtothehospital?”
ShewatchedasMargolis’seyesshiftedtowardColin.
“Idon’tknow.Myfriendcouldn’tfindout.Medicalrecordsareconfidentialandthatkindofinformationcan’tbereleasedwithoutthepatient’spermission.Thatclearlywasn’tgoingtohappen.Atleast,notrightthen.Butmyfriendknowswhathe’sdoing,andsoheaskedoneoftheotherpatients,andtheguysaidthathethoughtLesterhadbeenthereforfiveorsixdays.Ofcourse,consideringthesource,you’dhavetotakethatinformationwithagrainofsalt.”
“Inotherwords,it’spossiblethatLesterslashedthetiresandleftthenotes.”
“Orhemighthavebeeninthehospital.Andifhewasinthehospital,thenobviouslyitisn’tLester.”
“Ithastobehim,”Mariainsisted.“Idon’tknowwhoelseitcouldbe.”
“HowaboutMarkAtkinson?”
“Who?”
“Cassie’sboyfriend.BecauseIlookedintohim,too.Itturnsoutthathemayormaynotbemissing.”
“Whatdoesthatmean?”
“I’mstilldoingsomepreliminaryworkonthat,buthere’swhatIcantellyou.MarkAtkinson’smotherfiledamissingpersonsreportonhersonaboutamonthago.ButafterItalkedtothedetectiveandrightbeforeIcalledyou,Ispokewithhertogetmoreinformation,andI’mstillnotsurewhattomakeofit.ShetoldmethatinAugust,hesentherane-mailsayingthathe’dmetsomeoneonlineandthathewasquittinghisjobandgoingtoTorontotomeetherinperson.Shehadnoideawhattomakeofthat,butinthee-mail,hetoldhernottoworry.Hesaidhe’dprepaidhisrentandthatotherbillswerebeingpaidonline.Themothersaysshereceivedacoupleofprintedlettersfromhimsayingthathewasonaroadtripwiththewoman,oneofthempostmarkedfromMichiganandanotherfromKentucky,butaccordingtoher,theywere—andIquote—‘vagueandstrangeandimpersonal,andnotwhatmysonwouldwrite.’Otherthanthat,there’sbeennocontactwithhim,andsheinsiststhathe’smissing.Shesayshewouldhavecalledortextedher,andthefactthathehasn’tdonethosethingsmeansthatsomethinghashappenedtohim.”
ThenewinformationleftMaria’sheadspinning,anditwasallshecoulddotostayseated.EvenColinseemedatalossforwords.
Margolislookedfromonetotheother.“Sothat’swhereIamrightnow.Ifyou’rewonderingwhatmyplanis,movingforward,I’mgoingtogivethegooddoctoranothercallandseeifhecangreasethewheelsandfindoutwhenLesterwasadmitted.Orbetteryet,havehissongivethephysiciansatPlainviewpermissiontotellme.DependingonwhatIlearnthere,ImayormaynotcheckintotheMarkAtkinsonthing.Butfrankly,that’salotoflegwork,andagain,Idon’tknowhowmuchmoretimeIcancommittothis.”
“It’snotAtkinson,”Mariarepeated.“It’sLester.”
“Ifthat’sthecase,thenfornow,Iwouldn’tworry.”
“Whydoyousaythat?”
“Because,”hesaidsimply,“asIjusttoldyou,Lesterisinthehospital.”
“Itdoesn’tmakeanysense,”MariasaidtoColin.Theywereintheparkinglot,thesuninchingoutfrombehindthinstrandsofclouds.“I’venevermetMarkAtkinson.I’venevertalkedtohim.AsfarasIknow,I’veneverevenseenhim.Whywouldhebestalkingme?Hewasn’tevendatingCassiewhenLawswenttojail.Hedidn’tcomeintothepictureuntillater.Itdoesn’tmakeanysense.”
“Iknow.”
“AndwhythehellwouldLesterthinkI’mouttogethim?”
“It’sadelusion.”
Sheglancedaway,hervoicebecomingquieter.“Ihatethis.Imean,IfeellikeIknowevenlessthanIdidbeforeIcameheretoday.AndnowIhavenoideawhatI’msupposedtodo,orevenwhatI’msupposedtothinkaboutallthis.”
“I’mnotsurewhattomakeofit,either.”
Sheshookherhead.“Oh,onethingIforgottotellyou.IhadtocancelwithJillandLeslietonightbecauseit’smymom’sbirthday.I’llbeatmyparents’placetonightwhileyou’reatwork.”
“Doyouwantmetocomebyaftermyshift?”
“No.Dinnerwillbeoverbythen.Mydadmakesthemeal—it’stheonetimeayearthatheactuallycooks—butit’snotabigdeal.It’llbejustthefourofus.”
“Areyougoingtostaythereovernight?Orheadbacktoyourcondo?”
“I’mthinkingofgoinghome.It’sprobablytime,don’tyouthink?”
Colinwasquietforamoment.“HowaboutImeetyouthere?Justhangatyourparents’andI’llcallyouwhenmyshiftisdone.”
“Wouldyoumind?”
“Notatall.”
Sheletoutasigh.“I’msorrythatassoonasthingsstartedclickingbetweenus,allthishadtohappen.Ihatethatyou’rehavingtodealwithit.”
Hekissedher.“Iwouldn’thaveitanyotherway.”CHAPTER21
Colin
Whenhegothome,Colinpulledthecomputerfromhisbookbagandsetitonthekitchentable.HewasasconfusedaboutthewholesituationasMariawas,andhisinstinctwastotrytolearnasmuchaspossible.
Thefirststepwastounderstandthemind-setofLesterManning.Orrather,persecutorydelusionsofthenonbizarretype.He’dwantedtoaskMargolismoreaboutitwhenitcameup,butitwasn’thisplacetoask,andMariahadletitgo.Fortunately,thereweredozensofwebpagesonthetopic,andhespentthenexthourandahalflearningasmuchashecould.
He’dbeenundertheimpressionthatthedisorderwassimilartoschizophrenia,butwhilecertainsymptomslikehallucinationsanddelusionswerecommoninbothtypesofpatients,apatientwasdiagnosedwitheitherschizophreniaoradelusionaldisorder.Schizophreniaoftenalsoincludeddisorganizedspeechordelusionsofthebizarretype.Bizarremeantimpossible—thebeliefthatthepatientcouldfly,orreadthemindsofotherpeople,orhearvoicesthatcouldcontroltheiractions.Nonbizarredelusions—thekindthatLestersufferedfrom—wereatleastplausible,butuntrue.
InLester’scase,assuminghesufferedfromadelusionaldisorder,itmadesomesensethathemightbelievethepolicewereouttogethim.AccordingtoAveryManning,thepolicehadusedTasersonhimandputhiminjail;whilethere,hehadbeenbeatenbyotherprisoners.Andintheend,thechargeshadbeendropped,whichmightunderscoreLester’sbeliefthathenevershouldhavegonetojailatall.
HisparanoiaregardingMariaalsomadesense,Colinadmitted,ifplausibilitywasthesolecriteria.NotonlyhadMariafailedtoprotectCassie,butifLesterhadn’twrittenthenotes—asDr.Manningmaintained—thenMariahadsentthepoliceafterhimfornoreason.Notjustonce,buttwicenow…
Margolishadalsobeenrightinthatapersonwiththedisordercould,asageneralrule,functionnormally,dependingontheseverityofthedisorder.Thespectrumofdelusionscouldrunfromsomethingassimpleasovervaluedideastonearpsychosis;anothercoupleofthearticlesstated—justasAveryManninghadtoldMargolis—thatdelusionsweren’trigidlyfixed.Theycouldfluctuateinintensityandcouldbeaggravatedbytheuseofcertaindrugs.
Still,asmuchaseverythinghereadmadesense,andwhileheunderstoodthatLestertrulybelievedhisdelusions…therewereaspectsofthedisorderthatdidn’tlineupforhim.IfLesterwasterrifiedofMaria,wouldhehavedeliveredrosestoher?Wouldhehavesentoveradrink?Andifthoseweremeanttobepeaceofferingsofsorts,whywouldhehaveincludedthemessageshehad?Whytauntifwhatyouwantedwastobeleftalone?AndwhycometoWilmingtontodoit?Wouldn’thehavewantedtokeepasmuchdistancebetweenthemashecould?
Initially,ColinhadwonderedwhyMargolishadbotheredlookingintoMarkAtkinson,butMargoliswassmartenoughtorecognizethesameinconsistenciesandwonderhowtoreconcilethem.Hence,he’dcalledAtkinson’smother,andfromtherethestorygotevenmoreconfusing.
Hemayormaynotbemissing?
Asvagueasitwas,Margoliswasaccurateinhisdescription.AquicksearchbroughtupaphotographofamissingpersonsposteronPinterest,nodoubtcreatedbyAtkinson’smother.Otherthanthat,therewasnothingatall.Hesupposedhecoulddothesamekindofsearchhe’ddoneforLesterManning,butwhatwouldbethepoint?AccordingtoMargolis,anyinformationthatmightbehelpfulwasinaccurateasofthedateMarkAtkinsonleftforToronto.Orwentmissing.
Orifnotmissing,washeinhiding?
ColinhadthesensethatMargolisconsidereditapossibility.Thetimingwastoocoincidentalforitnottobeapossibility.ButMaria’spointwasalsovalid.Whywouldhetargether?Accordingtoher,she’dneverevenmettheman.
Closingthecomputer,Colincontinuedtoponderthequestionsbeforecomingtotheconclusionthatheneededtoclearhismind,andheknewonlyonewaytodothat.
Heranthesixmilestothegymandspentanhourliftingweights,finishingwithhalfanhourofstrikingontheheavybag.Withoutclassesinsession,thegymwasrelativelyquiet.Dalyspottedhimwhennecessaryandheldthebagforafewminutes,butotherwisespentmostofhistimeintheoffice.
Heranhome,showered,andchangedintohisworkclothesanddrovetowork.Behindthewheel,heponderedthesamequestionshehadearlier.Perhapshisdefensiveinstinctswereonhighalert,butforsomereason,hecouldn’tshakethefeelingthatsomethingbadwasabouttohappen.CHAPTER22
Maria
AfterthemeetingwithMargolis,Mariaheadedbacktotheoffice,herheadswimmingwithallshehadlearned.ShestoppedtovisitwithJillandupdateheronthelatest,butJillwasn’tbackfromlunch.ItremindedMariathatshehadn’teaten,butthenagain,shecouldn’tevenfathomthethoughtofeating.
Stress.Ifitcontinued,shewasgoingtohavetobuyanewwardrobeinasmallersizeorhaveeverythingaltered;herclotheswerealreadygettingloose.
Barneywasfinallybackintheoffice,thoughhespentthenextthreehoursbehindcloseddoors,meetingwithoneparalegalafteranother.SheassumedhewasinterviewingforLynn’sreplacement—whocouldn’tcomesoonenough,inMaria’sopinion—andthoughshehadafewquestionsforhimaboutthehospitalcase,sheknewbetterthantodisturbhim.Instead,shestartedorganizingherquestions,makingnotesinthemarginofthecomplaint,untileventuallysheheardaknockatherdoor.Glancingup,shesawBarneystandinginherdoorway.
“Hi,Maria.Wouldyoumindcomingtomyoffice?”heasked.
“Oh,hey,Barney,”shesaid,gatheringherpagesandplacingthembackinthefile,feelingasurgeofrelief.“Thankgoodness.Iwashopingtotalktoyouaboutthecomplaint.I’vebeenthinkingthatthereareafewdifferentangleswecantake,andIwantedtomakesureIwasclearonwhatyouwereplanningtodobeforeIreallystartedtodigin.”
“Youcanleavethatfornow,”hesaid.“We’llgooverthecaselater.Willyoujoinme?There’ssomethingweneedtodiscussinmyoffice.”
DespiteBarney’soutwardlypleasantdemeanor,therewassomethinginhistonethatmadehercautiousassherosefromherdesk.Whateverhewantedtotalkabout,shesuddenlythought,itwasn’tgoingtobegood.
Barneytrailedhalfastepbehindher,avoidingevensmalltalk,anditwasn’tuntiltheygottohisdoorthathereachedherside.Alwaysthegentleman—evenwhenabouttolowertheboom,nodoubt—heopenedthedoorandmotionedtowardthehigh-backedchairfarthestfromthewindowthatfacedhisdesk.Itwasn’tuntilshe’dmovedclosertothechairsthatshesawwhowasalreadyseatedinoneofthem.Shecametoasuddenhalt.
Ken.
Bythen,Barneywasalreadymovingaroundhisdesk.ShecontinuedtostandinplaceevenasBarneybeganpouringthreeglassesofwaterfromapitcheronhisdesk.
“Please,”hesaid,urginghertotakeaseat.“There’snothingtoworryabout.We’rejusthereforafriendlydiscussion.”
Ishouldsimplytellhim,no,thankyou,andwalkoutthedoor,shesuddenlythought.Whatweretheygoingtodo?Fireher?Andyet,theoldhabitsbegankickingin—theonesaboutrespectinghereldersandobeyingtheboss—andshefoundherselfalmostonautopilotasshetookherseat.
“Wouldyoulikeaglass?”Barneyasked.Fromthecornerofhereye,shecouldseehimstudyingher.
“No,thankyou,”shesaid.Shecouldstillwalkout,shetoldherself,but…
“Iappreciateyoujoiningus,Maria,”Barneysaid,hisdrawljustabitheavierthanusual,hiscadenceabeatslower.Itwasthesamewayhespokewheninthecourtroom.“AndI’msureyoumightbewonderingwhyweaskedyoutojoinus.Now…”
“Yousaidtherewassomethingweneededtodiscuss,”sheinterrupted.“Asinthetwoofus.”
Barneyflinchedeversoslightly,hissurpriseatbeingcutoffevidentbutonlyforaninstant.Hesmiled.“Excuseme?”
“Yousaid‘we,’asinyouandI.Youdidn’tsaythatanyoneelsewouldbehere.”
“Ofcourse,”hesaid,hisvoicesmoothingoncemore.“You’recorrect.Ioriginallyaskedyoutojoinme.Myapologiesformisspeaking.”
Heofferedanopeningforhertorespond—nodoubtexpectinghertodismisstheerror—butColinprobablywouldn’thavesaidanything,soshedidn’t,either.I’mlearning,shethought.
Barneyopenedhishands.“Isupposeweshouldjustgettoit,then,soasnottowasteyourtimewithpreliminaries.ThelastthingIwouldwantisforthismeetingtoextendyourworkday.”
“Okay.”Inwardly,shesmiledtoherself.
Again,itwasn’twhatheexpectedhertosay,butBarneywasamasterofrecovery.Heclearedhisthroat.“I’msureyou’veheardtherumorsintheofficeconcerningpotentialallegationsbyvariousemployeesagainstKenMartenson.Allegations,bytheway,thathavenofactualbasis.”
Hewaited,butthistimeshesaidnothingatall.
“AmIcorrect?”hefinallyasked.
SheglancedoveratKen,thenbacktoBarney.“I’mnotsure.”
“You’renotsureifyou’veheardtherumors?”
“Oh,I’veheardtherumors,”shesaid.
“Thenwhataren’tyousureabout?”
“I’mnotsurewhethertheallegationshaveafactualbasisornot.”
“Icanassureyou,Maria,thattheydonot.”
Shewaitedacoupleofbeats.“Okay.”Colin,shethought,wouldbeproudofherrightnow.Morethanthat,shebegantounderstandhowtheuseofthewordokayshiftedthepowerdynamicintheroom.Orattheveryleast,setthetoneshewanted,evenifBarneydidn’tlikeit.Hedidn’t,buthewasprofessionalenoughtohideit,thedrawlandslowercadencecontinuinginhiscourtroomrhythm.
“BecauseMr.Martensonisourmanagingdirector,thefirmintendstovigorouslycontesttheseallegationsinwhatevermannerthefirmdeemsbest.Thatincludeslitigation.Ofcourse,asyouknowwell,whenreputationsareatstake,caseslikethisareusuallysettledtoavoidlengthy,expensive,anddistractinglegalproceedings.Inthisparticularinstance,anypotentialsettlementwouldnotreflectontheveracityoftheclaims,butratherthetime,money,andinconveniencethatcontestingthechargeswouldbring.Obviously,anysettlement—ifthereisasettlement—wouldbesealedandconfidential.”
Marianodded,thinking,Justgettothepoint.Whydidyouaskmehere?
“I’msureIdon’tneedtoreviewMr.Martenson’sstellarreputationwithyou.Thosewhoknowhimbest—peoplelikeyouandme—knowthathehasalwayskeptthebestinterestofthefirmattheforefrontofhisthoughtsandactions.Hehasmadetremendoussacrifices,andit’ssimplynotpossiblethathewouldhavedoneanythingtoputeitherthefirmorhisownpersonalreputationatrisk.Theallegations,Imightadd,arepreposterous.Inhisnearlythree-decadecareerasanattorneyinourcommunity,noclaimsofsexualharassmenthaveeversomuchasseenthelightofdayinanycourtroom.Threedecadesofhardwork,nowatriskbecausetherearepeopleintheworldwhoaresimplygreedy.”
Claimsthatneverreachedthelightofdaybecausetheyweresettled,Mariathought.
“Unfortunately,wheneverthereisapotofmoney,therearethosewhobelievethemselvestobeentitledtoit.Insomecases,thesepeoplemaylieoutright;inotherinstances,theydistortthetruthwithastorythatfitstheiragenda.Othertimes,peoplesimplymisinterpretbehaviorthatnearlyeveryoneelsewouldfindinoffensive.It’smybeliefthatabitofallthreeiswhatishappeninghere,andthathasledto—incolloquialterms—afeedingfrenzy.Somepeople—thesegreedysharks—nowsensebloodinthewaterandwanttomakesuretheygettheirfairsharebecausetheybelieveitisowedthembybirthright.ButourfairConstitutiondoesnotsaythatyou’reallowedtotakesomeoneelse’spropertybecauseyoubelievethatitshouldhavebeenyoursallalong.Greed.It’sanawful,awfulthing,andtoomanytimes,I’veseengoodpeoplehurtbyit,evenmyownkin.Myneighbors—fine,churchgoingfolk,mindyou—wereruinedbygreedypeople.Butinthesetwilightyears,Iusuallyfeellessangerthansimplepityforthem.Theirlivesareemptyandtheybelievetheycanfillthatemptinesswiththecoinsfromotherpeople’spockets.Still,Mr.Martenson’sreputationisatstake,asisthegoodnameofourfirm,andIfeelaresponsibility—evenaduty—toensurethatbothMr.Martensonandthefirmreceivethemostvigorousdefensepossible.”
Hewasgood,Mariathought,evenwhendistortingthetruthhimself.Shecouldunderstandwhyjurieslikedhim.
“Ofcourse,Iamcertainthatyoufeeljustasstronglyaboutintegrityandmaintainingthehigh-qualityreputationofourfirm.ButIdohavetotellyouthatI’mfrightened,Maria.I’mfrightenedfortheotherpeoplehere.Yourcoworkers.Yourfriends.Theyoungfamilieswithmortgagesandheatingbills.Theirbabiesandtheirchildren.IfeelanobligationtothemtousealltheskillsthegoodLordhasgivenmeinthehopesthatrightandfairandgoodcanprevailoverwrongandgreedy.Butthenagain,I’manoldmanandoutoftouchwiththewaythingsworkthesedays,sowhatdoIknow?”
WhenBarneytrailedoffafterplayingthe“deeplytroubled”card,Mariaalmostfeltlikeapplauding.Instead,shekeptapokerface.Intime,Barneysighedandwenton.
“Iknowyou,Maria.AndIknowyousharemyconcerns.You’retoogoodofapersonnottobescaredforallyourfriendsandcoworkershere.AndIknowyou’llwanttohelpthembecauseyoudon’tdesireaperversionofjusticeanymorethanIdo.Ourfirm—allofus—needtostandunitedasoneagainstthese…thesegreed-mongerswhohavedeludedthemselvesintobelievingthatthey’reentitledtoyourhard-earnedmoney,eventhoughtheythemselvesdidnothingtoearnit.”
Heshookhishead.
“Wejustwantthetruthtocomeout,Maria.That’sall.Justthesimple,God’shonesttruth.Andthat’swhyyou’rehere.BecauseIneedyourhelp.”
Hereitcomes,Mariathought.
“Allwe’reaskingofyouisthesamethingwe’reaskingofallouremployees.Wewantyoutosignanaffidavitthatsimplystatesthetruth:thatyouhavethegreatestrespectforMr.Martenson’scharacter,andthatinyourtenureatthefirm,youhaveneverwitnessed,orevenheardabout,Mr.Martensonengaginginanythingthatcouldbeconstruedinanywayassexuallyoffensivetoanyemployee.Inyourcase,andforourfemaleemployees,we’realsoaskingthattheyconfirmthattheyneverfeltsexuallyharassed,inanyfashion,atanytime.”
Foraninstant,allMariacoulddowasstareathim.Ken,shenoticed,hadsunklowerinhisseat,andbeforeshecouldrespond,Barneywenton.
“Ofcourse,youdon’thavetodothis.Intheend,whateveryouchoosetodoiscompletelyuptoyou.Thereisnoreasonwhatsoevertotakeintoaccountthelivelihoodsofanyoneelseinthisfirm.AllItrulywantisforyoutodotherightthing.”
Barneyfinished;bythenhiseyesweredowncast,hisbodyhumblypositioned.Barney:abearerofrighteousnessinaworldhenolongerunderstood,shoulderingaburdenthathadtobebornebysomeone.Nowonderhewassosuccessful.
ButMariacouldthinkofnothingtosay.AspersuasiveasBarneywas…hewaslying,andheknewit.ShealsoknewthatBarneyknewthatsheknewhewaslying,whichmeantallofthiswasagame.NodoubthewantedKenintheroomasaformofpunishment:DoyouunderstandtheleveltowhichI’vesunkbydefendingyou?Forhispart,Kenhadn’tsomuchasmumbledasingleword.
Andyet…
Wasitfairfortherestoftheoffice—allofwhomwereinnocent—tobepenalized?Becauseofasingleidiot?Andhowmuchmoneydidthewomenwant?Kenhadharassedher,andshe’dsurvived.Inanothercoupleofweeks,shewouldlikelyputitbehindherentirely.Intime,itmightevenbecomethesubjectofjokes.Kenwasajerk,butitwasn’tasthoughhe’dexposedhimselfortriedtogropeMariainthehallwaywhenthey’dbeenattheconference.Hewastooinsecure—toopathetic—togothatfar.Withher,anyway.Butwhatabouttheothershe’dharassed?
Shewasn’tsure,andfeelingtheneedtostall,shedrewadeepbreath.“Letmethinkaboutit.”
“Ofcourse,”Barneysaid.“Iappreciateyourconsideration.Andremember,everyoneatthefirm,yourcoworkersandfriends,justwantyoutodotherightthing.”
Atherdesk,Mariaforcedherselftostareattheclaimthathadbeenfiledagainstthehospital,buteveryfewminutesshefoundherselfreplayingtheconversationandthinkingofwaysshecouldhaverespondedbetter.ShefoundherselfwonderingwhatColinwouldhavedone…
“Thereyouare.”
Lostinthought,MarialookedupandsawJillinthedoorway.“Oh,hey…”
“Wherewereyou?”Jillasked.“Icamebyalittlewhileago,butyouweren’tinyouroffice.”
“Barneywantedtotalktome,”shesaid.
“Figures,”Jillsaid,closingthedoorbehindher.“Howdidthemeetingwiththedetectivego?”
MariaproceededtoupdateJillonthethingsMargolishadtoldher.LikeMaria,Jillwasn’tsurequitewhattothink.SheaskedthesamequestionsthatMariahadandwasleftwiththesamesenseofconfusion.
“Idon’tknowwhetherit’sgoodnewsorbadnews,”Jillfinallysaid.“It’smoreconfusingnowthanitwasthismorning.”
That’snotmyonlyproblem,Mariathought.
“Whatareyouthinkingaboutnow?”
“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Yourexpressionjustchanged.”
“Uh…justthinkingbackonmymeetingwithBarney.”
“And?”
“Kenwasthere.”
Jillnodded.“Becauseofthelawsuit?”
“Ofcourse.”
“Andletmeguess.Barneydidallthetalking…andhepouredontheSoutherncharmandstartedtalkingabout‘doingtherightthing’?”
“Youknowhimwell.”
“Sadly,Ido.So…didyoulearnanything?”
“Theywanttopresent‘aunitedfront.’”
“Okaaay…butwhatexactlydoesthatmean?”
“TheywantmetosignanaffidavitthatwouldessentiallysaythatIneversawKendoanythingwrong,thathe’salwaysprofessional,andthatheneverharassedme.”
“DidBarneyaskthatyousign?Orinsistthatyousign?”
“Heasked.Infact,hemadeitperfectlyclearthathewantedittobemydecision.”
“That’sgood.”
“Iguess.”
“Youguess?”
WhenMariadidn’tanswer,Jilllookedather.“Don’ttellmethere’sevenmore,”sheprodded.“Somethingyoudidn’ttellmethismorning?”
“Well…”
“Letmeguess.Kenhasbeenharassingyouforawhile?”
Marialookedup.“Howdidyouknow?”
“Don’tyourememberourlunch?Afteryou’dgonepaddleboardingwithColin,whenIkeptaskingwhetherthingsatworkweregoingokay?Iknewyou’dgonetotheconferencewithKen,andI’vebeenaroundherelongenoughtoknowexactlywhathemighthavetriedtodo.Evenwhileyouwereswearingthateverythingwasfine,Ihadmysuspicions.”
“Whydidn’tyousayanything?”
Jillofferedthekindofshrugthatasked,Doyoureallyneedmetoanswerthat?“Officepoliticssuck.That’swhyLeslieandIhavealreadyoutlawedthem.Backthen,Ididn’twanttoputtheideainyourheadifithadn’thappened,butIrememberthinkingthatIwascorrectinmysuspicions.Whichisterrible,ofcourse.ButIwaskindofhappy,too,andIknowhowawfulthatisforafriendtosay.”
“Whatdoyoumean,youwerekindofhappy?”
“Ifyoulovedithere,youmightnothavebeensoeagertothrowyourlotinwithus.Ofcourse,atthetime,Ididn’tknowaboutthepotentiallawsuits.”
“I’mgladyou’resoconcernedwithmywell-being.”
“You’reastrongwoman,Maria.Andfrankly,Ithinkyou’resmarterthanKen.Iknewyou’dfigureoutawaytokeephimatbay.”
“Ididtellhimmyboyfriend,theMMAfighter,wasthejealoustype.”
Jilllaughed.“LikeIsaid.WaysmarterthanKen.Okay,butbacktothemeetingyouhadwithBarneyandKen,ourillustriousleader.SoBarneyaskedyoutosignandyouessentiallytoldhimthatyou’dthinkaboutit.”
Maria’sjawdropped.“HowcouldyouknowwhatIsaid?”
“BecauseIknowBarney.He’samasteratmaskingtheobvious,showinghowhissideistherighteousone,andthenmixinginadollopofguilt,incaseyou’restillwavering.It’simportantforyoutoputallthatasideandthinkaboutwhatactuallyhappened.Andbytheway,whatdidhappen?”
Mariathenofferedarecapoftheconference—towhichJilldidn’traiseaneyebrow—butwhenshetoldheraboutthesubsequentencounters,Jillwentstony.
“Holdon,”shesaid.“It’sonethingtoofferthe‘mywifedoesn’tunderstandme’tale,butyou’resayingheactuallytouchedyourchest?”
“Well,mycollarbone…ormaybejustbelow.Hedidn’t—”
“Buthisintentwasobvioustoyou?Andhewantedtohavelunchanddiscussbeingmoreofa‘teamplayer’?”
“Yes.ButIstoppeditfromgoinganyfurther…Hedidn’t—”
“Comewithme,”Jillsaid,reachingforthedoorknob.
“Wherearewegoing?”
“ToseeBarneyandKen.”
“Let’sjustletitgo…I’mleavinganyway.Andhedidn’tactuallytouchmybreastoranything…”
“Well,Barneydoesn’tknowthedetails.AndI’msurethatthemeetingwasn’tonlyabouttryingtoprotectthefirm;itwasalsointendedtokeepyoufromjoiningtheotherwomenandfilingwiththeEEOC.”
Mariashookherhead.“I’mnotgoingtofile.”
“Areyousureyoudon’twantto?”
MariathoughtaboutBarneyandtheotheremployeesofthefirm.Ken’sattentionshadbeenawfulandhadcausedherstress,buttohermind,simplyputtingitallbehindherandmovingonwasafarmoreappealingoptionthanpursuingthematterfurther.
“Yes,I’msure.I’mleavinganyway.”
“Butdon’tyouthinkKenshouldbeheldaccountable?Atleastalittle?Forallthestresshecausedyou?”
“Iguess.ButlikeIsaid,Idon’twanttogototheEEOC.”
Jillsmiled.“Theydon’tknowthat.”
“Whatareyougoingtosay?”
“Exactlywhatshouldbesaid.Andwhateveryoudo,letmedoallthetalking.Don’tsayaword.”
Beforesheevenrealizedwhatwashappening,JillwasmarchingtowardBarney’soffice,Mariaracingjusttokeepupwithher.Barney’sdoorwasclosed,butthatdidn’tdeterJillintheslightest.
BarneyandKen,occupyingthesameseatsthey’dbeeninonlyminutesearlier,werestartledbyJill’ssuddenappearance.
“What’sgoingon?We’reinameeting—”Barneybegan,butJillstrodeintotheoffice,Mariarightbehindher.
“Wouldyoumindclosingthedoor,Maria?”Jill’svoicewassteadyandprofessional,butdetermined.Mariarealizedshe’dneverheardherlikethis.
“Didyouhearme,Jill?”Barneyasked.
“Ithinkyouneedtohearme.”
“We’resupposedtointerviewanotherparalegalinfiveminutes.”
“Tellherthatshe’sgoingtohavetowait.You’llwanttohearwhatIhavetosay.It’saboutthelawsuitanditconcernsbothofyou.”
KenremainedsilentandMariawatchedashepaled.Barneystaredatherbeforefinallyreachingforhisphone;MarialistenedashedidasJillinstructed.Afterhangingupthephone,hestoodfromhisseat.“Letmebringoverthechairfromthewindow—”hebegan,butJillshookherheadsharply.
“We’llstand,”shesaid.
IfKendidn’tunderstandwhatthatmeant,therewasnoquestioninMaria’smindthatBarneydid.Shesawanever-so-slightliftingofhiseyebrowsandassumedhewasdoingsomerapidmentalcalculations.Mostpeoplewouldlikelyhavetakentheirseatagain,butBarneyunderstoodthevalueofmaintainingeyelevel,evenifKendidnot.Hestoodstraighter.
“Yousaidthismatterconcernsthefirm?”
“Actually,Isaidthatitconcernsthebothofyou.Butyes,intheend,itconcernsthefirmaswell.”
“I’mgladyoucameby,then,”hesaid,thedrawlandsyrupycadencereturning.“WejusthadadiscussionwithMariaaboutthefalseallegations,asI’msureyou’reaware,andI’mconfidentthatMariawilldowhat’srightforallinvolved.”
“Youshouldn’tbequitesoconfident,”Jillcountered.“IwantedyoutwotobethefirsttoknowthatMariajustinformedmethatKenMartensonhasbeenengaginginconductthatanyjurywouldconstrueassexualharassmentandthatsheisstronglyconsideringfilingareportwiththeEEOCasapreliminarytofilingherownlawsuit.”
“That’snottrue!”Kenerupted,thefirstwordsMariahadheardhimspeakallday.
Jillturnedtowardhim,hertoneasevenasbefore.“Youtoldhersheshouldtryhardertobeateamplayer.Thathavingyouinhercornercouldhelpherwhenshecameupforpartner.Andthenyougropedher.”
“Ididnosuchthing!”
“Youtouchedherinappropriately,onherneckandchest.”
“I…Ionlytouchedhershoulder.”
“Soyouadmittotouchingher?Andkeepingyourhandsonhereventhoughsheclearlyfounditoffensive?”
Withherwords,Kenrealizeditwasprobablybettertoshuthismouth,andheturnedtowardBarney.IfBarneywasangeredbywhatJillhadsaid,hedidn’tshowit.
“Mariamadenoclaimofsexualharassmentinourmeetingtoday,norinfacthassheeversaidanythingtomeinallthemonthsshe’sbeenworkinghere.”
“Whywouldshe?Sheknewyou’dcoverforhim.Justlikebefore,whentheothersexualharassmentcasesweresettled.”
Barneydrewalongbreath.“I’msurethere’sbeensomesortofmisunderstandingandwe’llbeabletoworkthisoutamicably.Thereisnoreasontoresorttothreats.”
“Ihaven’tresortedtothreats.Infact,ifanything,youshouldbethankfulthatwe’reheresoyouaren’tsurprised.”
“Iam,”heagreed.“Idothinkwecoulddiscussthemattermorecivillyifwetakeourseats.IwouldliketohearwhatMariahastosay.”
“I’msureyouwould.We’llletyoureadherstatementindetailassoonasit’sfiled.Fornow,I’llspeakforher.”
Ken’seyeswentwide,butBarneysimplylookedatJill.
“Youdounderstandthatyoucan’trepresentMariaforobviousconflict-of-interestreasons?”
“I’mhereasherfriend.”
“I’mnotsurethatmakesadifference.”
“Thenlet’sstartwiththis:BothMariaandIwillbeleavingthefirm.Wehadnointentionofinformingyouofthattoday,butconsideringthatMariacanadditionallymakeacaseforretaliation,Ithoughtitbesttogetitoverwithnow.”
Forthefirsttime,evenBarneywasn’tsurewhattosay.HelookedfromJilltoMariaandbacktoJill.“Didyousayyou’rebothleavingthefirm?”
“Yes.”
“Wherewillyoubeworking?”
“That’snottheissuewe’rediscussing.Rightnow,we’retalkingaboutthelawsuitMariaintendstofile.WeallknowthattheallegationsbeingmadebyLynnandtheothersareserious,andcanyouimaginehowmuchmorehefttheircaseswillhavewhenMariacomesforwardaswell?”
“ButIdidn’tdoanything,”Kenmumbled.Barneymerelyglaredathim.
“Doyouthinkanyonewillbelievethat?Aftereverythingtheotherssayincourt?Butofcourse,itwon’tgetthatfar.Everyoneinthisroomknowsthatyou’regoingtosettle.Thesecasesarealmostalwayssettled.I’mnotsureIcansaythesameforMaria.Shewasprettyupsetwhenshespokewithme.ThoughIwon’tbehercounselonthiscase,mysuspicionisthatshemayelecttotakethisasfarasitcango.”
Barneystraightenedhisjacket.“I’massumingthatyou’reherenotsimplytoinformusinadvancethatyou’regoingtofileorthatyou’releaving.Iassumeyou’reherebecauseyouwouldliketoresolvethismatter.”
“Whywouldyouthinkthat?”
“ThereisnothingtobegainedbytellingusinadvancethatyouintendtomakeareportwiththeEEOC.”
“MaybeIjustfeltaremainingbitofloyaltytothefirm.”
“Perhaps.”
“OrmaybeIjustwantedKentoknowthatinadditiontoruiningthefirmandhavinghissavingswipedout,he’sprobablygoingtohavetosellthatridiculouscarofhisbythetimeMariaisthroughwithhim.”
Kenmoanedeversoslightly.Barneyignoredit.
“Howcanweresolvethis?”
“Forstarters,Mariawantssixweeksofvacationthisyear.”
“Whywouldshewantsixweeks’vacationwhenshe’splanningonleaving?”
“Becauseit’sonherbucketlist.BecauseKenisanass.Becauseyesterday,shesawarainbowwhenshewaswalkingbyayardwiththesprinklerson.BecauseMariahadtoworkeveningsandweekendsbecauseofyouandsoshehasn’thadadayoffsinceshe’sbeenhere.Mypointis,itdoesn’tmatterwhyshewantsit.Shedoes,andthat’sthat.”
“First-yearemployeesareonlyentitledtoaweek.”
“Thenmakeanexception.Paidvacation,mindyou,whichwillbeaddedtoherfinalcheck.”
Kenwasabouttosaysomething,butBarneyhelduphishandtostophim.“Anythingelse?”
“Yes.Asfarasatwo-weeknoticegoes?That’sout.TodayisMaria’slastdayandshewon’tbecomingback.Shegetspaidforthesetwoweeksaswell.”
Barneylookedlikehehadeatensomethingunpleasant.“Isthatall?Twomonths’salary?”
“Notquite.Forhermentalsuffering,sheneedsabonus.Let’smakeit…threeadditionalmonths’salaryontopofthosetwomonths.”
Barneywasquiet.“Andinexchangeforthat?”
“I’llhavetotalkitoverwithher,butI’mfairlycertainyou’llneverhearanythingfromheraboutanyofKen’sdeviantbehavior.Noreports,nolawsuits.Justoveranddoneandwe’llgoourownseparateways.”
Barneywasquiet,probablydebatinghowseriousMariamightbeaboutallofthis.Jill,however,knewexactlywhathewasthinking.
“She’snotbluffing,Barney.YouknowhowKenis.Youknowwhathe’sdonetoothersandyoualsoknowthathesexuallyharassedMaria.Morethanthat,youknowwe’renottalkingaboutalotofmoneyhere.Essentially,she’sofferingyouagiftbecauseasmuchasshedespisesKen,shehasgreatrespectforyou.”
“Andtheaffidavit?”
“Don’tevengothere,”Jillwarned.“Mariaisnotgoingtolie.However,shewon’tsignanaffidavitastowhatactuallyhappened.It’lljustbeforgotten.”
“Andifshe’sdeposedbytheotherlitigants?”
“She’llbeontheplanetJupiterbythen,sothere’snoreasontoworry.”
“Excuseme?”
“Oh.”Shesmiled.“Sorry.Ithoughtwe’ddetouredintofantasyland.”
“Fantasy?”
“YouandIbothknowshewon’tgetdeposedbecauseyou’renotgoingtoletitgetthatfar.You’llendupsettling.Youhaveto,orit’sgoingtocostyouafortune,evenifyouwin.”
BarneyglancedatKen,thenbacktoJill.“MayIaskwhatyourdemandsare?Sinceyou’llbeleavingthefirmaswell?”
“Onlyone,andit’snotaboutmoney,”Jillanswered.“Inexchange,I’llfinishoutthenextcoupleofweeksherejustasIplannedtodo,workwiththepartnerstomakesureanyofmyclientsbarelynoticethetransition,andafterthat,I’llmoveon.”
“What’stheonedemand?”
“I’dlikeyoutothrowmeasmallgoing-awaypartyhereattheoffice.Nothingfancy—justacakeatlunchorwhatever—butI’dlikethechancetosaygood-byetoeveryoneinonefellswoop.Obviously,untilthen,Ithinkweallknowitwouldbebesttokeepourdepartureasquietaspossible.Theotherpartnershavetoknow,butIdon’twanttostartastampedeofemployeesracingfortheexits.Believeitornot,Ihopeyougetthissettledandareabletoputitbehindyouasquicklyandquietlyaspossible.Therearealotofgoodpeoplehere.”
WhileBarneymayhaveappreciatedJill’ssentiment,Mariasawhimtwitchashebroughtahandtohischin.“FivemonthspaidforMariaisabithigh.I’msurethepartnerswillbalkatthat.Now,threemonthsIcouldprobablyswing…”
“Don’tmisinterpretmyhighhopesforothershereasachancetonegotiate,becausewearen’tnegotiating.Thisisaone-time,take-it-or-leave-itoffer.WhichendsthemomentthatMariaandIwalkoutthedoorandshestartsontheEEOCpaperwork.Frankly,she’saskingforfarlessthanwhatyou’regoingtohavetoshellouttotheothers.Sorightnow,youshouldbethankingher,nottryingtolowball.”
Barneytookhistimebeforeanswering.“I’dstillhavetotalktotheotherpartners,”hefinallysaid.“Ican’tmakethiskindofdecisiononmyown.”
“Sureyoucan.Webothknowthepartnerswillfollowyourlead,solet’sstopplayinggames,allright?Areyouinorout?”
“Fivemonths’salary?”Mariaexclaimed.TheywerestandingintheparkinglotnearMaria’scar.Afewminutesearlier,Mariahadstashedthefewpersonalitemsshe’dhadintheoffice—primarilyphotographsofherfamilyandafewshe’dtakenwhilepaddleboarding—intoasmallboxandhadcarrieditoutside,placingitinthetrunk.AtBarney’srequest,shehadn’tsaidgood-byetoanyone,norhadanyoneseemedtonoticeanythingoutoftheordinaryregardingherdeparture.Jillhadbeenwaitingforher.
Jillsmiled.“Prettygood,huh?”
Truthfully,shewasreeling.NomoreKen;nomoreweekendstryingtokeepupwithBarney’sdemands,andfivemonths’salary,straightintohersavingsaccount.She’dnever,everhadanythingclosetothat;whathadjusthappenedwasakintobuyingawinningscratch-offlotteryticket.“I’mstillinshock.”
“Iprobablycouldhavegottenyoumore.”
“That’smorethanenough.Ifeelguiltyforgettingthatmuch.”
“Don’tfeelbad.Because,believeitornot,youweresexuallyharassed.Itmaynothavebeenasobvioustoyouasitwastoothers,butyouwere.Youdeservethis.AndbelievemewhenIsaythatBarneyisbreathingamassivesighofreliefrightnow,orwewouldn’tbestandingheredoingamini-celebration.”
“Thankyousomuch.”
“Youdon’thavetothankme.Ifourpositionswerereversed,youwouldhavedoneitforme.”
“I’mnowherenearasgoodasyouare.YoutookonBarney.Andyouwon.”
Jillofferedasheepishgrin.“Andyouwanttoknowthecrazything?”
“What’sthat?”
“Leslieisway,waybetterthanme.”
ThethoughtmadeMaria’sheadspin.“Thankyouagainfortakingachanceonme.”
“You’rewelcome.ButIknowexactlywhatI’mgetting.”
Mariamotionedtowardthebuilding.“It’sstrangetothinkthatI’mnotgoingtoworktomorrow.Andmostlikely,Iwillneverwalkthroughthosedoorsagain.Ithappenedso…fast.”
“Likewhattheysayaboutbankruptcy?Ithappenedslowatfirstandthenallatonce?”
Marianodded.“Iguess.AsmuchasIdislikewhatBarneywastryingtodojustnow,Istillhopehe’llbeokay.”
“Barney’stheoneattorneyyouneverhavetoworryabout.He’llbefine,nomatterwhat.Andbetweenyouandme?Itwouldn’tsurprisemeifheleavesthefirm,too.”
“Whywouldheleave?”
“Becausehecan.AndwouldyouwanttokeepworkingwithKen?”
Mariadidn’tanswer,butthenagainshedidn’thaveto.Jillwasright,andwhileMariawasstilltryingtoprocessherday,shesuddenlyfoundherselfthinkingaboutLesterManningandthethingsMargolishadtoldher.Shecrossedherarms.
“Whatwouldyoudoifyouwereme?AboutLester,Imean?”Mariaasked.
“Idon’tthinkyouknowenoughyettoreachanyconclusions.Iknowthatprobablydoesn’thelpyou,but…”
Shetrailedoff,andMariacouldn’tblameher,sinceeventoher,thepiecessimplydidn’tfit.
MariadrovethroughheavytraffictoMayfaire,anupscaleshoppingcomplex.Asshedrove,shetriedtoprocessthefactthatshewouldn’tbeheadingintoworktomorrow,orevenonMonday.Thelasttimethathadhappenedhadbeenaftershe’dquitherjobinCharlotte…
Sheshookherhead,forcingthethoughtaway.Sheknewexactlywhereitwouldlead,andthelastthingshewantedwastothinkaboutLesterortheboyfriendoranythingMargolishadtoldher,sinceitwouldleadexactlynowhere.Unlessconfusionwasaplace.
NomoreKen,shemarveled.NomoreweekendsthatBarneycouldruin.Intwoweeks,she’dbeworkingwithJill.Andfivemonths’salary.Onthecareerfront,shedoubteditwaspossibleforthingstogetanybetter,andthatcalledforacelebrationofsorts,maybeevenasplurge.Shecouldtradeinhercarandgetsomethingsportier—aslongasitwasn’taredCorvette—butasquicklyasthethoughtenteredhermind,sheknewitwasjustafantasy.Shewastoofrugalandshehadnointentionoftryingtoexplaintoherdadwhyshe’dboughtacarinsteadofpayingdownsomeofthestudentdebtsheowedfromlawschooloropeninganinvestmentaccount.Orsimplysavingthemoney,sinceshe’dprobablyneedtobuyintothepartnershipinafewyears.
Lostintheeventsoftodaywastheideathatshecouldactuallybeapartneratalawfirmsomeday—inherearlythirties,even.Whoevercouldhavepredictedthat?
BythetimeshereachedMayfaire,duskhadsettledin.ShetextedSerenathatshe’dgettothehouseafewminutesbeforeseven,butnottoholdupdinneronheraccount.
Secondslater,herphonedingedwithSerena’sresponse.I’lljustgettherelate,too.I’dhateforyoutomissanyofthescintillatingconversation!
Mariasmiled.Shetextedherparentsandletthemknowwhenshe’darrive,thenheadedtowardWilliams-Sonoma.Itwasalwaysabitchallengingtogethermomsomethingspecial—Carmenalwaysfrettedaboutmoneyspentonher,especiallybyherchildren—butsinceanewcarwasoutofthequestion,Mariafiguredshecouldsplurgeabitonsomenewpotsandpans.Despitetherestaurantandherownloveofcooking,hermomhadneverconsideredbuyingnewcookware.WhatshedidhavehadbeenaroundsinceMariawasinelementaryschool.Ormaybeevenlongerthanthat.
Theshoppingexpeditionendedupbeingmoreofasplurgethanshe’dplanned.High-qualitycookwarewasexpensive,butMariafeltgoodaboutit.Herparentshadpaidforprivateschooling,ausedcaratsixteenthatlasteduntilshegottheonesheownednow,fouryearsofcollege,andhalfoflawschool,andneveroncehadshedonesomethinglikethis.Sheknewhermommightfret—herdadwouldsaynothing—butshedeservedit.
Sheloadedthegiftsinthetrunk,nexttotheboxofpersonaleffects.Thankfully,thetraffichadmostlyclearedout.Beforestartingthecar,shetextedSerenathatshewasfifteenminutesaway,andthenrealizedshehadn’tyettoldColinwhathadhappenedattheoffice.Shestillfelttheneedtocelebrateandwithwhombetterthanhim?Later,athisplaceorhers…Whoknewthatmoneycouldbeanaphrodisiac?
Knowinghewasprobablybehindthebaralready,shetextedhimandaskedthathecallwhenhehadthechance.He’dprobablyworkuntilaroundtenoreleven,andthatwouldgiveherenoughtimeafterleavingherparents’toheadbackhome,lightacoupleofcandles,maybeevenhaveaglassofwine.Sheknewitwouldendupbeingalatenight,buthedidn’thaveclassinthemorningandshedidn’thavetogotowork,sowhydiditmatter?
Shesetthephoneonthepassengerseatandheadedtowardherparents’house.Afterturningintotheneighborhood,shefoundherselfwonderinghowmanytimesinherlifeshe’dmadethatexactturn.Tensofthousands,probably,shethought,whichamazedher,asdidtheneighborhooditself.Whilepeoplehadmovedinandmovedout,thehousesseemedlargelyunaffectedbythepassageoftime,andeverycornerbroughtwithitmemories:lemonadestandsorroller-skating,drivewayfireworksontheFourthofJuly.Trick-or-treating.Walkinghomewithfriends.Herphonebegantoring,disruptingtheflowofimages.Glancingover,shesawColin’snameandansweredwithasmile.
“Hey,”shesaid.“Ididn’tthinkyouwereallowedtomakecallswhileatwork.”
“I’mnotsupposedto,butIsawyourtext.Iaskedtheotherbartendertocoverformeforafewminutes.Areyouokay?”
“Yeah,I’mfine,”shesaid.“I’malmostatMomandDad’s.”
“Ithoughtyouweresupposedtobetherealready.”
“Ihadtobuymymomagiftfirstandthattookforever,”shesaid.“Buthey—you’llneverguesswhathappenedtoday.”
“DidMargoliscallagain?”
“No.It’saboutwork,”shesaid,andassheapproachedherparents’home,shetoldColinwhathadtranspired.“WhichmeansI’mkindarichrightnow.”
“Soundslikeit.”
“Iboughtmymomsomefabulouscookware.”
“I’llbetshe’sgoingtoloveit.”
“Onceshegetsovertheguilt,shewill.ButtherealreasonI’mcallingisthatI’vedecidedthatI’dlikeyoutocomeovertonight.Tomyplace.”
“Didn’twealreadyagreethatI’dcomeover?AndthatI’dcallwhenIgotoff?”
“Yes,butwhenwedecidedthat,Iwasn’tinthemoodtocelebrate.NowIam,andIwantedtowarnyouinadvance.”
“Warnmeaboutwhat?”
“Well,nowthatI’msortarich,Imightmakeafewdemandsonyouthisevening.Physicalones,Imean.”
Helaughed,andshecouldtellhelikedwhatshewassuggesting.“Okay.”
Upahead,shesawSerena’scarparkedinfrontofherparents’house;oneithersideofthestreet,thesidewalksweredeserted.Upanddowntheblock,houseswerelitfromtheinside,lampsonandtelevisionsflickering,familiesrelaxingattheendofalongday.“Whateveryoudo,don’tlettheanticipationruinyourconcentrationatwork.I’dhateforyoutogetintroublewithyourboss.”
“I’lldomybest.”
ShepulledinbehindSerena’scarandshutdowntheengine.“Andonemorething.RememberwhatItoldMargolis?WhenheaskedwhyIwasstillwithyou?”
“Yes.”
Shegotoutandroundedthecartothetrunk.“IjustwantyoutoknowthatImeanteveryword,”shesaid.
Helaughedagain.“Okay.”
Sheopenedthetrunk.“Unfortunately,I’mgoingtohavetocutthiscallalittleshort.I’mgoingtoneedbothhandstocarryeverything.”
“Igetit.I’vegottogetbacktoworkanyway.”
“Oh,beforeyougo—”
Assheeyedtheboxes,sheregisteredmovementinherperipheralvisionandsheturned.Amanwascrossingthestreettowardher,movingfast.Therewasasplitsecondwhenshewasn’tsurehowtoreact.Thiswasasafeplace;inthisneighborhood,she’dneversomuchasheardofaburglaryoradomesticdisputethathadgottenoutofhand,andshe’dneverbeenafraid.Shewasonlyyardsfromherparents’frontdoor,onastreetsosafesheusedtocampoutinthebackyardonwarmsummernights.Andyet,thestranger’spurposefulgaitmadethehairsonthebackofhernecksuddenlyrisebecausesheknewinstinctivelythatwhoeveritwasdidn’tbelonghere.
Darknessmadeclearrecognitionimpossible,butinthatinstanttheman’sshadowedfacewassuddenlyilluminatedbythelightsthatspilledfromherparents’livingroom.Shesawaglintofmetalinhishandandwiththesightofthegun,feartookhold.Shecouldn’tmoveandcouldbarelybreathe;onlyvaguelydidshehearColinsayhernameonthephone.
Colinrepeatedhernameasecondandthirdtime,hismountingconcernenoughtofinallybringherback.
“He’shere,”shefinallywhispered.
“Who’sthere?”Colindemanded.“What’sgoingon?”
“Hehasagun,”shesaid.
“Whohasagun?”
“LesterManning,”shesaid.“He’shereatthehouse.”CHAPTER23
Colin
TheshockofhearingMariasayLester’snamegavewaytoasurgeofadrenaline,thefight-or-flightreflexkickingin.ColinvaguelyheardLestershoutsomethingandthecallwasdisconnected.
Lester.
Bythen,Colinwasalreadyonthemove,burstingfromthebackroomandrushingpastthebar.Hewovearoundtablesandguestsevenashehittheredialbutton.
Thephonewentstraighttovoicemail.
Redial.
Voicemailagain.
Mariaisintrouble.
Behindhim,heheardthebartendercallhisname;waitresseslookedoverinconfusion,andasColinexplodedouttheentrance,themanagerdemandedtoknowwherehewasgoing.
Lesterhasagun.
Colinracedaroundthecornerofthebuilding,hisfeetslippingonthelightlysandedsidewalk.Regaininghisfooting,hesprintedupthestreet,alreadycalculatingthemostdirectroutetoMaria’sparents’place.
Hopingtheroadswereclear.
Hopinghiscarwouldstart.
Please,letitstart.
He’dcallthepolicefromthecar.
Heswervedaroundanelderlycoupleandrocketedintothestreet,hiscarinsight.
Precioussecondstickingaway.
Lestercouldhavealreadyshovedherintohiscaranddrivenoff,justlikeGeraldLawsdidtoCassie…
Itwastwentyminutestoherparents’.
Hewouldmakeitinten.Orfewer.
Mariamightalreadybegone…
Atthecarnow.Jumpingin,jamminghiskeysintheignition,carefulnottofloodtheengineevenasheturnedthekeyhard,andtheoldCamaroroaredtolife.Colinpeeledawayfromthecurb,hiseyesalreadyonthecarsahead.
Closingthegapbetweenhiscarandthoseaheadofhim,heglancedtowardhisphone.Withonehandhefranticallydialed911andheardtheoperatoraskthenatureoftheemergency.
Amanwithagun,threateningawoman,hesaid.MariaSanchez.AguynamedLesterManninghadbeenstalkingher,andhe’dsurprisedheratherparents’…
Hecouldn’tremembertheaddressoffhand,buttoldtheoperatorMaria’sparents’names,aswellasthestreetandcrossstreet.Identifyinghimself,hestatedthathewasontheway.Whentheoperatorurgedhimtoletthepolicehandlethesituationwithoutinterference,hehungup.
Bythenhewasspeedingalong,thenoseofhiscarpracticallyonthebumperofthecarinfrontofhim.WiththenextlaneblockedbyablackRangeRovercoastingalongatthespeedlimit,Colincutacrossthebreakdownlaneandzoomedpastaclusterofcarsbeforeveeringbackontotheroad.Hehittheacceleratorhardandwithinafewsecondscameuponapickuptruckandawhiteminivandrivingsidebyside.Hepassedtheminthebreakdownlane,too,thistimebarelyslowing.
Reachingtheturnofftothebridge,hejerkedthewheelhard,tiressquealing.
Racingpastmorecarsinthebreakdownlane,hefinallymadeittoalongstretchofroadwithlesstrafficandjammedtheacceleratortothefloor.Adrenalinesharpenedhisinstinctsbehindthewheel,hisbodyrespondinginperfectsyncwiththecar.
Hehiteighty,ninety,andthenahundredmilesanhourandsawaredlightahead,brakelightsglowingascarsslowed.Unwillingtoslowdown,hegunnedintoabikelane.
Burstingthroughagapattheintersection,stillhepressedon,zigzaggingaroundcarsandusingthebikelanewhennecessary.Makingaturn,heacceleratedtowardalonglineofcars,andwithnowheretogo,hecutthroughagasstationparkinglotatclosetothirtymilesanhour,makingpeoplejumpoutoftheway.
Thepolicewereontheirway…butitstillmightnotbesoonenough.
Hismindracedfrantically,wonderingwhetherLesterhadalreadyforcedMariaintoacar,wherehemighthavetakenher…
Orifhehadalreadyshother.
Anotherturn,thistimetotheleft,andforthefirsttime,hewasforcedtocometoacompletestopatacrowdedintersection.Hepoundedthesteeringwheel,thenheldhisbreathasheplungedintomultiplelanesoftraffic.Hewatchedasanotherdriverslammedonhisbrakes,missinghimbyonlyinches.
Speedingthrougharesidentialneighborhoodatsixtymilesperhour,hescannedforchildrenorotherpedestriansorpets,housespassinginablur.
Anotherturn.TiresscreechedandtherearoftheCamarofishtailedleftandthenright,Colinstrugglingforcontrol.Onthisblock,carswereparkedoneithersideofthestreet,limitingvisibility,andColinreluctantlyslowedthecar.Justahead,hecouldmakeoutacouplepushingastrolleronthesidewalk;akidplayingcatchwithhisdadontheoppositesideofthestreet;aguywalkinghisdogwithalongretractableleash…
Anotherturnandaclearroadwithbettervisibility;Colinspedupagain,finallyrecognizingtheSanchezneighborhood.
Ithadtakenhimnineminutes.
Hebegantobankintothefinalturnattopspeed…andalmosthitablueCamrythatwasapproachingfastinthemiddleoftheroad.Colinswervedautomaticallytotheright,asdidtheothercar,theCamarofishtailingagain,tiresscreeching.Colinfeltanothersuddenadrenalinesurgeashishearthammered.Hebrieflyglimpsedtwomeninthefrontseatwithstartledexpressions,theireyeswideasthecarsslidpastwithininchesofeachother,tooclose.Waytooclose,andhegrippedthewheelhard,regainingcontrol.Barely.
Hewasalmostthere,theSanchezes’streetupahead.Asingleturntogo,andhedidn’thitthebrakesuntilhewasalmostthere.
Feartakingovernow.
Prayinghewasn’ttoolate.
Shearingintotheturn,heheardasirenbehindhim.Intherearviewmirror,hesawtheflashinglightsontopofthesquadcarasitbarreledaroundthesameturnhe’djustmade.Colinslowedonlyslightly,butthesquadcarwasclosingfastandColinheardasquawkfromtheloudspeaker.
“Pullover!”
Notachance,Colinthought.Nomatterwhathappenstome.CHAPTER24
Maria
Mariacouldn’ttakehereyesfromthegun…orthepersonholdingit.
LesterManning.
Margolishadbeenwrong.Lesterwasn’tinthehospital.
Hehadbeenwaitingforherhere.Theknowledgeparalyzedher,andshewatchedashesnatchedthephonefromherhand.Hisfacecontortedintosomethingshebarelyrecognized.
“Nocalls!”heshouted,makingherjump.Thetonewasoff-key,onedge.“Nopolice!”
Ashebackedaway,hersensesheightenedandshesawitall:theunkempthairandrattycanvasjacket,fadedredshirt,andtornjeans;thedarkholesofhispupilsandtherapidriseandfallofhischest.Inherhead,thewordsrantogether:delusionaldisorder;acutephase;persecutorydelusions.
Andthegun.Hewasholdingagun.
Hermomanddadwereinside,aswasSerena.Herfamilywasindangeranditwasdarkandnooneintheneighborhoodwasout…
Sheshouldhaverunassoonasshesawhimcoming,sprintedforthefrontdoorandlockedhimout,butshe’dstoodtherelikeherlegsbelongedtoanotherperson…
“IknowwhatYOUDID!”hehissed.
Thewordscameoutfastandalmostunintelligible.Ashecontinuedtobackaway,shesawthephonelightupandhearditring.Colin.Lesterstartled,staringatthephoneinhishand.ShewatchedLesterendthecallwiththepressofabutton.Sawthephonelightupandringagain.Lesterfrownedasheendedthesecondcall,talkingatthephoneasthoughitwerealive.“Isaidnocalls!”hecalledout.“Nopolice!”Thenmumbling:“Thinkstraight.It’snotreal.”Hishandswereshakingashemutedthephoneandshoveditintohisjacketpocket.“They’renotcoming.”
PleaseGod,letColinhavealreadycalledthepolice,shethought.Thepolicearecomingandwillbeheresoon.I’lljustrideitoutuntiltheygethere.IwillnotbelikeCassie.Ifhesomuchastouchesme,I’mgoingtoscreamandfightlikecrazy.
But…
MargolishadsaidthatLestercouldfunctionnormallysometimes;he’dbeenabletoworkapart-timejob.Andwhenshe’dmethim,hewas…odd,butnotpsychotic,evenwhenclearlystruggling.Maybeshecouldtalktohim…Shejustneededtostaycalm.
“Hi,Lester,”shebegan,tryingtokeephervoicesteadyandpleasant.
Hiseyesflashedup,hispupilshuge.
No,nothuge.Dilated.Ondrugs?
“‘Hi,Lester’?That’sallyoucansay?”
“IwantyoutoknowI’msorryaboutCassie—”
“No,no,no!”hesaid,raisinghisvoice.“Youdon’tgettosayhername.Shediedbecauseofyou!”
Sheraisedherhandsinstinctively,expectinghimtolungeather,butLesterinsteadmovedyetanotherstepfartheraway.Asshewaitedforhimtogoon,sherealizedthathesoundedlessangrythan…afraid?
Orparanoid.AndthelastthingIwantistosethimoff.
Sheloweredhereyes,herhearthammering.ShecouldhearLester’slaboredbreathingaslongsecondspassed.Thesilencestretchedoutuntilsheheardhimsniffandthensay,“No,”inasoftervoice.Shecouldhearhisbreathingfinallybegintoslow,andwhenhespokeagain,hisvoicewasshakybutsubdued.
“They’resafe,”hesaid,noddingatthehouse.“Yourfamily.Isawthemthroughthewindows.Iwatchedyoursistergoinside.Whathappensnextisuptoyou.”
Sheflinchedathiswordsbutheldhersilence.Hisbreathcontinuedtoslowinwhatseemedlikeaconsciouseffort,hisgazeneverwavering.
“Icametotalk.YouneedtohearwhatIhavetosay.You’lllistentomethistime,won’tyou,Maria?”
“Yes.”
“Thedoctorstellmeitisn’treal,”heexplained.“Itellmyselfit’snotreal.ButthenIrememberthetruth.AboutCassieandmymom.Thepolice.Andwhattheydid.AndIknowyou’retheonewhostartedit.Thedoctorscantellmeit’snotrealandthatI’mmakingitup,butIknowthetruth.Sotellme:You’vebeentalkingaboutme,haven’tyou?”
Whenshedidn’tanswer,shewatchedthemusclesbegintotighteninhisneck.
“Don’tbotherlying.RememberthatIalreadyknowtheanswer.”
“Yes,”shewhispered.
“You’vetalkedtothepoliceaboutmeagain.”
“Yes,”shesaidagain.
“That’swhythedetectivecamethismorning.”
WhereisColin?shewondered.Andthepolice?Shewasn’tsurehowlongshecouldkeepLestercalm—
“Yes.”
Heturnedaway,wincing.“Whenwefirstmetyou,Iwantedtobelieveyouwhenyousaidyouweredoingyourbest,andthatCassiewouldbesafe.Icametounderstandthattoyou,Cassiewasnoone.Justanothername,anothernobody.Butshewasn’tanobody.Shewasmysister,anditwasyourjobtoprotecther.Butyoudidn’t.Andthen…”
Hesqueezedhiseyesclosed.“Cassieusedtotakecareofmewhenmymomwastoosicktogetoutofbed…Sheusedtomakemechickennoodlesoupandwe’dwatchtelevisionandshe’dreadmebooks.Didyouknowthat?Shewasn’tanobody.”Hewipedathisnosewiththebackofhishand,andwhenhewenton,hisvoicewasalmostchildlike.“Wetriedtowarnyouwhatwasgoingtohappen,butyoudidn’tlisten.WhenCassiedied,mymomcouldn’tstandlivinganymore.Becauseofyou,shekilledherself.Didyouknowthat?Tellthetruth.”
“Yes,”sheadmitted.
“Youknowallaboutus,don’tyou,Maria?Youknowallaboutme.”
“Yes.”
“AndyousentthepoliceaftermeafterCassiedied.”
Becauseyousentthenotes.Becauseyouwerethreateningme.“Yes.”
“Andyourboyfriend…Heisyourboyfriend,right?Thebigguyattheclub?IsawhowangryhegotafterIsentoverthedrink.Hewantedtohurtme,didn’the?”
“Yes.”
“Andthen,thismorning,yousentthepoliceagain.”
Becauseyouslashedmytires!Becauseyou’restalkingme!
“Yes.”
Hestoodabitstraighter.“That’swhatItoldthedoctors.Allofthis.Buttheydon’tbelieveme,ofcourse.Nooneeverbelievesme,butatleastyou’rebeinghonest.Iknew,butnowIreallyknow…andIcanfeelthedifferenceinmywholebody.Youunderstand,don’tyou,Maria?”
No.“Yes.”
“Ittakesover—fear,Imean.Nomatterhowhardyoutrytofightit,ittakesover,crushingthelifeoutofyou.Likerightnow.Iknowyou’reafraidofme.MaybelikeCassiewasafraidafteryoufailedher?”Helookedatherforconfirmation,waiting.
“Yes.”
Shewatchedhimtapthegunagainstthesideofhisleg.“Canyouimaginehowitfeels?Toloseyoursister?Andyourmom?Andwatchpeoplelikeyougoaftermydad?Andthenme?”
“Ican’timaginehowawfulthatwas.”
“No,youCAN’T!”heshoutedsuddenly,andinthatmoment,sheheardthefaintsoundofapolicesireninthedistance.
Lestersnappedtoattention,recognitiondawningasthesirensgrewlouder.HerefocusedonMaria.
“Isaidnopolice.IsaidNOPOLICE!”Hisvoicecracked,whipsawingbetweenangeranddisbeliefashetookasteptowardher.“I’mNOTgoingBACK!DoyouHEARme?I’mNOTgoingBACK!”
Mariaretreated,holdingupherhands.“Okay…”
“TheyHURTME!”hecried,takingastepinherdirection.Hischeeksgrewmottledashethrusthisfacetowardher.“TheySHOTELECTRICITYINTOME!AndtheyputmeinthecagewithANIMALSwhobeatmeandtheydidn’tDOANYTHING!TheyALLlaughedatmeandtothemitwasjustagame!ANDYOUDON’TTHINKIKNOWWHOPUTTHEMUPTOIT?”
Oh,God…He’slosingit…
“YOUDID!”hescreamed,vibratingwithrage.
Mariaretreated,tryingtomaintainthedistancebetweenthem.Hergazekeptflickingtothegun,thenbacktoLesteragain.Hecontinuedtoadvanceasshebackedaway,herbackalmosttothegaragedoornow.
“YOUcalledthePOLICE!Youkeepcomingback,butthistimeI’mNOTgoingtoletyouGETAWAYWITHIT!”
Serenahadtohaveheardhimthattime,shethought.Ormyparents.They’llopenthefrontdooranysecondnowandLesterwillturnandfire…
Throughthestaticofherracingthoughts,Mariarealizedthatthefirstsirenhadnowbeenjoinedbyanother,moredistantone,bothofthemdrawingcloser.Lester’sjawclenchedandhiseyesburnedwiththeanguishofbetrayal.Hisfingerbeganinchingtowardthegun’striggerandasingleimpulseflashedthroughherbody.
Go,go,GO!
Sheturnedandroundedthecar,sprintingtowardthehouse,throughtheyard.SheheardLestershouthernameinsurprise,heardagruntashestartedafterher,clippingthecar.
GO!
Tenyards.Maybefive.
Thefrontdoorbegantoopenandaslashoflightfellacrosstheporch.Mariawassureshecouldhearhimbehindhernow.
Run!
Shestrainedforward,surgingtowardthelight.ShecouldfeelLesterreachingforher.Inwhatseemedtobeslowmotion,shewatchedSerenastepoutontotheporch.
He’sgoingtokillusboth…
Standinginapooloflightinfrontoftheopendoor,Serenadidn’tunderstandwhatwashappening.ShestaredatMariainconfusionasMariahurtledtowardtheporch.
Arethosehisfingersskimmingthebackofmyshirt?
Shewilledherselftomoveevenfaster,sprintingwitheverythingshehad.
“Maria?”Serenacalledout.
OnlylaterwouldMariarealizethatSerenahadshoutedhername.Almostthere…
Andthen,shemadeit.
GrabbingSerena,shepushedthetwoofthemthroughthestillopendoor,slammingitshutbehindthem.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Serenacried,bewildered.
MarialockedthedoorandgrabbedSerena’swrist,jerkinghard.“Getawayfromthedoor!”Mariascreamed.“He’sgotagun!”
SerenastumbledasMariapulled,almostfalling.
“Whohasagun?”
“Lester!”
DraggingSerenatothekitchen,shespottedhermomstandingnearthestove,clearlystartledbythecommotion.ButnoDad…Mariaturnedfromsidetoside…
Oh,God.
Where’sDad?
“Wait—Lester?Lester’shere?”Serenademandedfrombehindher.
“He’soutside!”Mariashouted,hergazesuddenlyswingingtotheslidingglassdoors,hopingherdadwasontheporch.“LesterManning!Theguywhowaschasingme!”
He’llburstthroughthedooranysecond…
He’llkillmeandthem,andthenkillhimself…
JustlikeGeraldLawsandCassie…
Withasurgeofrelief,shespottedherdadattheporchtable,Smokeyinhislap.
Serenawasbabbling;hermomhadstartedaskingquestionsaswell,butMariaregisterednoneofit.
“Justbequiet!”sheshouted.“Bothofyou!”Sheslidopenthebackdoor.“Getinhere!”shehissedatherfather,motioninghiminside.Herespondedinstantly,leapingtohisfeetwiththedogtuckedunderhisarm.
BothSerenaandhermomwentquiet.Marialistenedintently—forthedoor,forthesoundofawindowsmashing.
Silence.
Serenastaredather,fearwrittenonherface.Bothofherparentswatchedheropenmouthed.
Stillnothing.
WhatifLesterwascomingaroundfromtheback?
Inthesilence,Mariaregisteredthesoundsofthesirensagain.Loudenoughnowtobeheardfrominsidethehouse.
“Idon’tunderstand,”Serenafinallysaid,hervoicetremblingwithtears.“WherewasLesterchasingyou?”
“Intheyard,”Mariasaid.“Yousawhim.Healmostgrabbedme.”
ButSerenaonlyshookherheadinconfusion.“Isawyourunningbutnoonewasbehindyou,”shesaid.“Isawsomeoneelserunningdownthestreet…”
“Hehadagunandhewaschasingme!”
“No,”Serenainsisted.“Hewasn’t.”
BeforeMariacouldprocessherwords,thesoundofthesirensfilledthehouseandthewallswereflashingredandblueinsteadyrhythm.
Thepolice,shethought.ThankGod
Atthatmoment,thefrontdoorcrashedopen.
Mariascreamed.CHAPTER25
Colin
Allthingsconsidered,Colindecidedhewasokaywithwhathe’ddone.Thoughastheadrenalinedrainedfromhissystem,leavinghimfeelingbothexhaustedandshaky,itwashardtoignorethefactthathewasonhisstomachwithhishandscuffedbehindhisback,guardedbytwogloweringofficersandmostlikelystaringatalongprisonterm.
Maybeheshouldhavepulledoverfortheofficerswho’dbeenfollowinghim.
Andmaybeheshouldn’thavecometoascreechinghaltbehindthesquadcarthatwasalreadyattheSanchezplacewhilethoseofficershadbeenapproachingthedoor.Andmaybeheshouldn’thaveignoredthemwhenthey’ddemandedthathestophischargetothefrontdoorandsimplyletthemhandleit.Ifhe’dmadedifferentdecisions,theofficersprobablywouldn’thavedrawntheirweapons,norwouldhehavefacedasituationinwhichhe’dwonderedwhethertheymightactuallyfirethem.
Ontheplusside,hehadn’tactuallytouchedanyoftheofficersafterhe’dkickedthedoorin,butnoneofthemwereinanymoodtolistenwhenhe’dtriedtotellthemaboutthevacanthouseorthepark,placesthatLestermayhaverunoffto.Allfourweretoopissedforthat.Theyhadhimonspeeding,recklessdriving,andignoringlawfuldirections,andtheyweren’tgoingtosettleforwritingacoupleofticketsandbedonewithit.They’dplacedhimunderarrest,whichmeanthisdealwasgoingtoberevoked.
Hislawyerswouldfightit;noquestionaboutthat,butmorethanlikely,theoriginaljudgewouldbeinformed.Thatjudge—asevidencedbyhisdecisioninthefirstplace—wasfairandreasonable,buthe’dalsobeencrystalclearinhisexpectations,andthecourtwouldknowaboutit.AddinthefactthatMargoliswouldbearguingontheothersideforpermanentplacementamongthedangerousandviolent,andthewritingwasonthewall.
Prison.
Hewasn’tafraidofbeinglockedup.Asageneralrule,hedidwellinplaceswithrulesandstructure,evenwithoutfreedom.Heknewhowtokeeptohimselfandmindhisownbusinessandlooktheotherwaywhennecessaryandkeephismouthshut,andafterawhile,thewholethingwouldlikelybecomeroutine.He’dsurviveandeventuallygetreleasedandhe’dstartoveragain.But…
Mariawouldn’twaitforhim,andhewouldn’tbeabletobecomeateacher.
Hedidn’twanttothinkaboutthosethings.Giventhesamesituation,he’ddoitallagain.Maria’sstalkershowsupwithagun?Hadtotrytosaveher.Simpleasthat.HowcouldhehaveknownthatLesterwouldhavebeengonebythetimehearrived?
Hadtheylistenedtohim,ColinfiguredthatthepolicecouldhavefoundLesteralready.ButpreciousminuteshadtickedbywhiletheyputonthehandcuffsandreadColinhisrights,anditwasn’tuntiltheofficershadcalmedtheirnervesthattheywerefinallyabletolistenfirsttoMaria’sstory,whichcameoutinfitsandstarts,andthentoFelix,who’dsaidthathedidn’tintendtopresschargesforthebrokendoorandsplinteredframe.BothSerenaandCarmenwerecryingthroughout.Waytoolate,he’dfinallywatchedtwoofthefourofficersleaveinoneofthesquadcarsinsearchofLester.Afterthat,surprisinghim,MariaaskedtheremainingofficerstocallDetectiveMargoliswhenherpleastohaveColinreleasedweremetwithindifference.
Colinclosedhiseyes,hopingthatthedetectivewouldbeotherwiseoccupied.
Amomentlater,oneoftheofficersannouncedthatMargoliswasonhisway.
Margoliswasgoingtolovethis.Nodoubthe’dputononeofhisself-satisfiedsmirkswhilehegaveColinthewholeIwarnedyouallalongthatthiswouldbecomingspeechthathewassurelyalreadyrehearsingashemadehiswayhere.
Butagain,noregrets.Mariaandherfamilyweresafe,andthatwasallthatmattered.That,andstoppingLesterfromshowingupagain…MariahadtoldtheofficersthatLesterhadbecomeenragedassoonashe’dheardthesirens.Untilthatpoint,however,Mariahadbeenabletokeephimcalmbytalkingtohim.Or,rather,bylettingLestervoicewhateverwasgoingthroughhisderangedbrainandsimplyagreeingwithhim.Butwhataboutthenexttime?WouldLesterbesoeasilyplacated?Orwouldhejustgrabherandtakehersomeplacewherethepolicewouldn’tfindthem?
Thethoughtmadehimsick,andhewantedtokickhimselfforfailingtocheckoutthehospitalhimself.HowhadLestergottenout?Ifhe’dbecomedelusionalwhenthedetectivearrivedthismorning,whyhadn’thebeenrestrained?Ordidtheyevendothatanymore?
Andtherewasanotherthingthatwasbotheringhim:HowhadLesterknownMariawouldbehere?Maybehewentbytheofficeandthenhercondoandsawthatshewasn’taround,but…
Histhoughtswereinterruptedfirstbyheadlights,thenbythesoundofaslowingcar.Hehearditpulloverandcometoastop,listeningasacardooropenedandclosedwithathudafewsecondslater.
Margolis.
“DoyouevergetthatfeelinglikeChristmashascomeearly?”Margolissaid,squattingdownnexttohim.ApproachingMaria,he’ddoneadoubletakeatthesightofColinonthegroundincuffsandpracticallyskippedovertohiminstead.“BecauseIthinkitjustcameearlyforme.”
Colinsaidnothing.Anythinghesaidwouldjustgetthrownbackinhisface.
“Imean,hereIam,justheadingouttogetaquickbitenotmorethantenminutesaway,andIgetacallurgentlyrequestingmypresenceoverhere.AndwhodoIfindbutmyoldpalColin?ImustsaythatIhaven’tseenyoulookingthisgoodinalongtime.”ColinnotedthereflectionofMargolis’sgrininhishighlypolishedshoes.“Whatdidyoudo?Getinanargumentwithyourgirlfriendhere?MaybepushedMomorDadwhentheytriedtointervene?Ordidyougoafteroneoftheofficersaftertheyshowedupandtriedtocalmyoudown?”Hespatouthistoothpick,lettingitfalldangerouslyclosetoColin’sfaceinthegrass.“Youmightaswelldropthesilentactandtellme.I’mgoingtofindoutinaminuteanyway.”
Colinletoutabreath.“Trafficviolations,”hesaid.
Margoliscockedhisheadinsurprise.“Nokidding?”WhenColindidn’trespond,thedetectiveshookhishead,smirking.“IgottaadmitthatIneversawthatonecoming.Buthey—I’lltakeitanywayIcangetit.Soletmetalktoyourgirlfriendoverthere—ifyoustillcallheryourgirlfriend,Imean.Evenifyoudidn’tsomuchaslayafingeronher,shedoesn’tstrikemeasthevisit-prison-every-weekend-to-support-her-mantype,andI’vealwaysbeenaprettygoodjudgeofcharacter.”
Colinwatchedhimstand.WhenMargolisturnedandstartedtowardMaria,Colinclearedhisthroat.
“CanIgetupnow?”
Margolislookedoverhisshoulderforacoupleofseconds,thenshrugged.“Idon’tknow.Canyou?”
Usinghisheadtobracehimself,Colinliftedhishipsandshothiskneesforwardinasingleflowingmotion,landingonhisfeet.
Margoliswavedoffoneoftheofficers,whohadtakenasteptowardColin.Hesmirkedagain.“Withmoveslikethat,I’msurealltheguysinprisonwillwanttodancewithyou.Buttellyouwhat—whydon’tyouwaitrighttherewhileIfigureoutwhat’sgoingonhere.”
MargolissignaledtothetwoofficerstoapproachandColinwatchedastheyconferredinlowtones.OneofthemthumbedtowardMariaacoupleoftimes;theothernoddedinColin’sdirection.Bythen,anumberoftheneighborshadcomeoutsideandwerestandingontheirlawnsorinthestreet,craningtheirnecksforabetterview.Hewasn’ttheonlyonewho’dnoticed:Margolisdidaswell,andafterabriefdiscussionwiththefamily,everyoneexceptColinbegantoheadinside.SurprisingColin,Margolismotionedforhimtojointhem.
Inthelivingroom,Mariaagainwentthroughthestoryfromthetop,includingadescriptionofwhatLesterhadbeenwearing,onlythistimeinamorelinearfashion.Herfamilystoodbehindher,lookingmoreupsetthanshedid,whilethetwoofficerswho’darrestedColinflankedthefrontdoor.ColinwatchedasMargolistooknotes,Serenaoccasionallyinterjecting.Itwasn’tuntilMariawasfinishedthatMargolisaskedhisfirstquestion.
“Didheeverdirectlythreatenyouwiththegun?”Margolisasked.
“Hewasholdingitinhishand.”
“Buthedidn’traiseit?Orpointitatyou?”
“Whydoesthatmakeadifference?”Mariademanded.“Heshowedupatthehousewithagun.Youneedtoarresthim.”
Margolishelduphishands.“Don’tgetmewrong.I’monyourside.Withhisadmissionthathesenttherosestotheofficeandhadthedrinkdeliveredandnowthis,there’snotadoubtthatyou’dbeabletogettheFifty-C.Ican’timaginethatanyjudgewouldturndowntherequest,andI’llputacallintofindoutifIcangetitexpedited.IwasaskingbecauseIwastryingtodeterminewhetherheadditionallyviolatedanygunlaws.”
“He’smentallyill.Thatmakesitillegalforhimtoownafirearminthisstate.”
“Maybe.”
Maria’seyesflashed.“Hewasinapsychiatrichospitalthismorning.Orsoyoutoldme.”
“Ihavenoreasontobelievethathewasn’tthere,andtrustme—I’llmakeabsolutelysurethedetectivewascorrectaboutthat.ButwhenIwastalkingaboutmentalillness,Imeantlegally.Tothispoint,Ihaven’thadaccesstohismedicalrecords,andinthoseinstanceswhenhewasarrested,thecasesweredismissed.I’mnotsurehismentalstatushasactuallybeenadjudicated.There’salsoadifferencebetweenenteringahospitalvoluntarilyandbeingcommittedinvoluntarily.”
“You’resplittinghairs,”Mariasaid,herfrustrationbecomingevident.“Itoldyouhowhewasacting.Hewastalkingtothephone,forGod’ssake.He’sdelusionalandhethreatenedmewithagun!”
“Areyousure?”
“DidyoulistentoasinglethingIsaid?”
Margolisstoodstraighter,defensivenessondisplay.“Tobeclear,nothingyousaidindicatedthatheraisedthegunorcompelledyoutodoanything.Andwhenyouretreatedtoyourhouse,heranintheoppositedirection.”
Forasecond,Mariasaidnothing,butColinnotedaflashofuncertaintyinhereyes.
“Whataboutthefactthatheslashedmytiresandstolemyphone?”
“Hetoldyouheslashedyourtires?”
“No,but…”Marialookedupathim.“Whyareyoudoingthis?Makingexcusesforhim.It’slikeyou’relookingforanyreasonnottoarresthim.”
“Onthecontrary.I’mtryingtofindsomethingthatwillstick.There’snoreasontoarresthimifIcan’tholdhim.”
“Hehadagun!Doesn’tthatmeananything?”
“Itwouldifhetriedtoconcealit.Orthreatenedyou.Butaccordingtoyou,hedidn’tdoeither.”
“That’s…insane.”
“That’sthelaw.Ofcourse,ifhedoesn’thaveapermitfortheweapon,that’ssomethingIcanuse.Butthatwon’tbeenoughtoholdhimforlong.Norwillthefactthathetookyourphone.”
“Whataboutslashingmytires?”
“Didheadmittothat?”Margolisaskedagain.
“No,but…”
Margolissighed.“Iknowthisisfrustratingforyou,butIreallyamtryingtohelpyouhere.I’mlookingforsomethingthatmightgiverisetoanactualarrest,onchargesseriousenoughtokeephimlockedaway.”
“Okay,then.Iwasmistakenearlier.Iremembernowthathedidaimthegunatme.Pointeditatmethewholetime.”
Margolisliftedaneyebrow.“You’rechangingyourstory?”
“I’mcorrectingit,”shesaid.
“Allright.”Henodded.“Butbeforewegothatroute,youshouldalsorealizethatthisentiresituationmaybemorecomplexthanyouthink.”
“Whatdoesthatmean?”
“I’mnotatlibertytosay.It’sstillearlyintheinvestigation.Fornow,allyoureallyneedtoknowisthatI’mexploringalotofdifferentangles.”
Differentangles?Colinthought.
Mariashothimaquestioninglook,thenturnedbacktoMargolisjustasaknocksoundedatthedoor.Oneoftheofficerswho’dbeensearchingforLesterpokedhisheadin.Margolisexcusedhimselfandsteppedoutsideforaminute,thenreturnedtoMariaandthefamily.Theothertwoofficersjoinedhiminside,remainingnearthedoor.
“Theofficerssaidtheycouldn’tfindhim.Theywentthroughtheneighborhoodacoupleoftimes,talkedwithafewpeoplewhowereout,andnoonehadseenhim.”
Colinopenedhismouth,thencloseditagain.Margolisnoticed.
“Somethingtosay?”
“Iwaswonderingiftheycheckedthepark,”hesaid.“Andthehouseonthenextblockthatbacksuptothisone.”
Margolisstaredathim.“Why?”
Colintoldthemwhathe’dlearned,aswellashissuspicionsaboutthevacanthouseandLester’sspyingactivities.HealsomentionedwherehesuspectedLesterhadbeenparkinghiscar.AtMargolis’sprodding,Colinadmittedhe’dbeenvisitingtheneighborhoodlateatnightandearlyinthemorning,andhadspenttimeresearchinglicenseplates.Maria’sparentslookedsickattherevelations;meanwhile,Margolis’sstonygazeneverswervedfromhim.
“You’rejusttellingmethisnow?Thatyou’vebeenplayingprivateinvestigatorallthistime?”
Colinnoddedtowardtheofficers.“ItoldthecopswhentheywerearrestingmewhereLestermighthavegone.Theydidn’twanttolisten.”
Itwasquietforamoment.Oneoftheofficersshiftedhisweightfromonefoottotheother.
“Buthewasn’trunningtowardthepark,”Serenaventuredsoftly.“Orforthehouse.”
“Excuseme?”Margolissaid.
“Theparkisafewstreetsoverthatway,”Serenasaid,pointinginthedirectionofthekitchen.“Andunlesshewantedtotakethelongwayaroundtheblock,hewasn’trunningtowardthevacanthouse,either.Herantheotherway,intheoppositedirection.”
Margolisabsorbedthisbeforeexcusinghimselftohuddlewiththeofficers,twoofwhomsubsequentlydeparted.Abouthalfanhourtoolate,Colinthought.
MargolisreturnedtoMaria.“AssumingLesterdrovehere,andsincetherearenocarsregisteredinhisname,they’llfindoutifanyofthecarshavebeenstolenorifwecanlinkthemtoLesterinanotherway.Ofcourse,Lestermayhavedoubledbackandtakenthecarorhemayhavesimplyrunoff,buttheimportantthingfornowisthatI’mconfidentthatyou’resafe.Areyouplanningtoreturntoyourplace?”
“She’llbestayingwithus,”Felixannounced.“Serenatoo.”
Margolisthumbedoverhisshoulder.“Yourfrontdoorisbroken.”
“Ihavesometwo-by-foursinthegarage.I’llbraceit,andthentomorrow,I’llhaveitrepaired.”
“Doyouhaveanalarm?”
“Yes,”hesaid.“Butwedon’tuseitmuch.”
“Useittonight,eventhoughyou’llhavetobypassthefrontdoor.Andbracethedoorandkeeptheshadesdrawnasaprecaution.”
“Whataboutpoliceprotection?”Serenaasked.“Havingsomeoneatthehouse?”
“Iwon’tbeabletoswingthat,”Margolisanswered.“Pickyourreason:budgetcuts,notenoughmanpower,limitsonovertime,oreventhattheFifty-Chasn’tbeenfiled.ButI’llcallthecommander,andI’mprettysureIcanarrangeforapatrolcartoswingbyeveryfewhours.”
“WhatifLestercomesback?”
“Idon’tthinkthat’slikely.”
“Whywouldyousaythat?”
“Becausehe’safraidofthepolice,andforallheknows,therewillbeanofficerhere.”
“Unlesshe’scrazyanddoesn’tcare.”
“Heranoffearlier,”Margolissaid,butrealizinghowcavalieritprobablysounded,hewenton.“Iknowyou’refrightenedandupset,Ms.Sanchez.Igetit.I’llmakesureacoupleoftheofficerscruisetheneighborhoodforanhourorso.Andwhoknows,maybethey’llgetluckyandpickhimup.Iftheydo,they’llbringhiminandI’llstickhimintheinterrogationroomandseewhatIcando.Andtomorrow,eitherway,youfilefortheFifty-C,andthenexttimehecomesanywherenearyou,he’llbearrested.Andthatarrestwillstick.”
ColinnotedtheconflictingemotionsplayingoutacrossMaria’sfeatures.Sheglancedattheofficersnearthedoorbeforedrawingalongbreath.
“MayItalktoyoualone?”
Margolisdebatedbeforefinallynodding.Hemotionedfortheotherofficerstoleaveandtheyquietlyexitedthroughthefrontdoor.Atthesametime,Serenaandherparentswanderedtowardthekitchen,andoncetheyweregone,Mariasighed
“WhataboutColin?”
Margolislookedoverathim.“Whatabouthim?”
“Iwashopingyou’dtalktotheofficerwhoarrestedhim.MaybeconvincehimtoletColinoffwithsomespeedingticketsorwhatever.Insteadofarrestinghim.”
Margolis’sexpressionvergedondisbelief.“WhywouldIdothat?Fromwhattheytoldme,hewasdoingsixtyinaresidentialneighborhood.Henearlycrashedhead-onwithsomeoneacoupleofblocksfromhere,andherefusedtopullover.”Heshookhishead.“Thenoncehegothere,hedefiedtheofficers’instructionstostanddownandinsteadmadeavolatilesituationthatmuchworse.”
“Iwasindanger.Youwouldhavedonethesamethingifyouthoughtsomeoneyoulovedmightbeharmed.”
“Heshouldhavejustletthepolicehandleit.Meanwhile,withthewayhewasdriving,hewasendangeringotherpeople’slives.”
“Lesterhadagun,forGod’ssake!”
“Yetanotherreasontoletthepolicehandleit.”
“It’snotfairandyouknowit!”Mariacried,hercomposurecracking.“Imean,sendinghimtoprison?Forspeeding?”
Ididalotmorethanthat,Colinthought.Theofficersonlysawmeduringthelasttwominutesofthedrive.
“Hemadehischoices,”Margolissaid.“Don’tforgetthattheofficershadtodrawtheirweapons.Youcouldhavebeenhurt.Yourfamilycouldhavebeenhurt.”
“AndonceheknewIwassafe,hedeferredtothemandsubmittedwillingly.Hedidn’traisehisvoice,didn’tresistatall.Youreallywanttoruintherestofhislife?Becausehewasracingtomyrescue?”
“It’snotmycall.”Margolisshrugged.
“No.ButIhavethesensethey’lllistentoyou.”Sheputherhandsonherhips,willingMargolistomeethergaze.“Iknowthatyoudon’ttrustColin,andthatyoubelievehebelongsinprison.Andifhe’dstruggledwiththeofficersorresistedarrestordoneanythingelsestupid,Iwouldn’tbeaskingyoutointervene.Butthosethingsdidn’thappen,andyoudon’tstrikemeasbeingunreasonableorneedlesslyvindictive.”Shehesitated.“I’dliketothinkthatmyimpressionsofyouarecorrect.Please…”
Foranimpossiblylongmoment,Margolisstaredbackather,unmoving.Then,withoutaword,hestartedforthedoor.
Fiveminuteslater,Colinwasstandingnearthecouch,absentlyrubbinghiswristswherethecuffshadcutintothem.
“Thanksforcomingtomyaid,”hesaid.
“You’rewelcome.”
“Istillcan’tbelievehelistenedtoyou.”
“Ican.Heknewitwastherightthingtodo.Andthearrestingofficerwasn’tupset.Afterheheardthewholestory,Idon’tthinkhisheartwasinit,either.”
Colingesturedatthedoor.“I’msorryaboutthat.I’llbegladtopayforit.”
“Mydaddoesn’tcare.Honestly,he’stooangryatthethoughtthatLesterhasbeenspyingonthefamilytoworryaboutadoor.”
“HowaboutIhelpcloseitupforthenight?”
Whenshenodded,hefollowedhertothegarage,returningwiththetwo-by-foursandahammerandnails.Mariahelpedholdtheboardsinplace,andwhentheywerefinallysecure,shesteppedtowardColin.Wrappingherarmsaroundhim,sheheldhimforalongtimebeforefinallypullingback.
“Whatareyougoingtodonow?”
“I’mgoingtocallmyboss,”hesaid.“LetherknowwhereIamandfindoutwhetherI’vebeenfired.Andthen,IfigureI’llkeepwatchoutsidefortherestofthenight.IwanttobehereifLestershowsup.”
Shenodded.“WhatdoyouthinkMargolismeantwhenhesaidhewasexploringdifferentangles?Lesteradmittedtoalmosteverything…”
Colinshrugged.“Ihavenoidea.SomethingaboutCassie’sboyfriendMark,maybe?Sincehe’sgoneoffthegrid?”ColinfilledMariainonthelittlethathe’dlearnedearlier.
Behindthem,Felixwalkedintothelivingroom,accompaniedbyCarmen.CarmenhandedaglassoficewatertoColinwhileFelixinspectedtheworkColinhaddonetobracethedoor.
“I’msorryaboutthat,”Colinsaid,slightlyabashed.“ItoldMariaI’dpayforit.”
Felixnodded.“Thisisgoodwork.Sturdy.”HetookasteptowardColin,meetinghisgaze,hisexpressionsoftening.“IwantedtothankyouforrushingherewhenyouthoughtMariawasintrouble.Andforcallingthepolice.”
“You’rewelcome.”
CarmenslippedbacktohissideasFelixwenton.Behindthem,ColincouldjustmakeoutSerenainthekitchen,clearlylisteningin.“Whenwefirstmet,IbelieveImayhavemisjudgedyou,”hesaid.“Mariatoldmeshefeltsafewithyou.Now,Icanunderstandwhy.”
Athiswords,MariaslippedherhandintoColin’s.
“IheardyoutellMariathatyou’llwanttokeepwatchtonight.Outside.IncaseLestercomesback.”
“Yes.”
“Ihaveaproblemwiththat.”
Colinlookedathim,sayingnothing.
“Youshouldbeinsidethehouse,notoutside.Asourguest.”
HefeltMariasqueezehishand,anddespiteeverything,hecouldn’thelpsmiling.
“Okay.”
Colinpacedthelivingroom,alternatelypeekingthroughthecurtainsonthefrontwindowandthendoingthesamethroughthekitchenwindows.
NosignofLester.
Margolishadbeengoodtohisword;apatrolcarpassedbythehousefourtimes,twicewhiletherestofthefamilywasstillawakeandtwiceaftereveryoneelsehadgonetobed.Mariahadstayedawakethelongest,sittingwithColinuntilalittleafterone.Beforeturningin,FelixhadtoldColinthathe’dbeupatfourtotakeoverthewatchandallowColintogetsomesleep.
ThetimetohimselffeltlikeablessingtoColin,allowinghimtoprocesseverythingthathadhappenedthatevening.Hestillhadmorequestionsthananswers,sincenothingmadesense.If,forinstance,LesterwasdelusionaltothepointthathebelievedthatMariawasouttogethim,thenhisfearshouldhavekepthimawayfromMaria,insteadofdrawinghimtoherrepeatedly.
Buthadn’tLesteressentiallyadmittedhe’dbeenstalkingMariaallalong?
AndwhyhadMargolistoldMariathathewasexploring“differentangles”?
Otherquestionsplaguedhim,too—whyhadLesteradmittedtosendingtheflowersandthedrink,butnottoslashingthetires?HadLesteractuallydriven,andifso,wheredidhegetthecar?Ifhe’dlefthiscarattheparkbutranintheoppositedirection,wherewashegoingandwhycouldn’tthepolicefindhim?And,again,howhadLesterknownthatMariawouldbeatthehousewhenMariaherselfhadforgottenabouthermom’sbirthday?
Themorehelearned,themoreconfusedhefelt.
“You’remakingmenervous,”Mariasaid.“AndI’msureyou’vewornagrooveintothefloor.”
Colinlookedoverandsawherinthehallway,dressedinherpajamas.
“DidIwakeyou?”
“No.Isleptforalittlewhile.”
“Whattimeisit?”
“Alittleafterthree,”Mariasaid.Shewalkedtothecouchandpattedthecushionbesideher.WhenColinsat,sheleanedherheadonhisshoulderwhileheslippedhisarmaroundher.“Youshouldprobablytrytogetsomesleep.”
“Ionlyhaveanotherhouruntilyourdadisup.”
“Idon’tthinkhe’ssleeping.He’sprobablytossingandturninglikeIdid.”Shekissedhimonthecheek.“I’mgladyou’rehere,butmyparentsare,too.Rightbeforetheywenttobed,theyapologizedtomeforthewaytheytreatedyouearlier.”
“Therewasnoreasontoapologize.They’vebeenverygracious.Especiallyaboutmekickingintheirdoor.”
Sheshrugged.“Tobehonest,itwasprettyimpressive.Doorsgenerallykeeppeopleout,butthisonedidn’tevenslowyoudown.Theyfeelbetterknowingthatyou’rehere.”
Henodded.Moonlightspilledinthroughacrackinthedrapes,washingthelivingroomwithasilveryglow.“IwantedtotellyouthatthewayyoudealtwithLesterwasamazing.Noteveryonewouldhavebeenabletostaycalminthatsituation.”
“Iwasn’tcalm.Iwasterrified.EverytimeIclosedmyeyestonight,Ikeptseeinghisface.Anditwasjustso…weird.IkeptgettingthefeelingthathewasmoreafraidofmethanIwasofhim,eventhoughhewastheonewiththegun.”
“Idon’tunderstandit,either.”
“Iwishthepolicehadfoundhim.Ihateknowingthathe’sstilloutthere…followingandwatchingandplanningandhiding.Whatgoodwillarestrainingorderdoiftheycan’tservehim?Andwhatifheshowsupagainbeforetheydo?Ithoughtaboutleavingtown,butwhatifhefollowsme?Ortracksmesomehow.Imean,evenIdidn’tknowIwasgoingtobeheretonight,sohowdidheknow?AndhowdidheknowI’dbeatthebar?”
“I’vebeenwonderingaboutthosethings,too.”
“And?WhatamIsupposedtodo?Ijustwanttofeel…safe.”
“Ihaveanidea.Itmightbeabitoverthetop,but…”
“Whatisit?”
Hetoldher.CHAPTER26
Maria
MariawassleepingonthecouchwhenshefeltColinkisshergood-byeandwhisperthathe’dbebackbyeighto’clock.Shewasdimlyawareofhimslippingoutthegaragedoor.Surprisingherself,shewasabletogetafewmorehoursofsleepbeforethesoundsofthehouseholdrousedher.
Overcoffee,shesharedColin’splanswithherfamily.Theylistenedwithsurprise.Herparentswouldhavepreferredthatshestaywheretheycouldkeepaneyeonher,buttheyunderstoodColin’sreasoningandacceptedherdecision,askingonlythatshestayintouch.
Colinshowedupatherparents’housearoundeightwithadisposablecellphoneandfollowedMariabacktohercondo.There,sheshowered,changedintojeansandawhiteT-shirtandblackpumps,andpackedanovernightbag.Bynine,theywereatthecourthouse,whereMariacompletedandfiledthenecessarypaperworkforthe50C.Margolishadbeengoodtohiswordagain;theclerksaidthatthey’dgetitbeforethejudgetosignbeforethecourtconvenedfortheday.
Usingthedisposablephone,MariatextedMargolishernumberandaskedthathekeepherinformedastoanyprogressregardingLesterManning.
Tohersurprise,Margoliscalledlessthanhalfanhourlaterandaskedtomeetwithheratacoffeeshop.“It’sacoupleofblocksfromthecourthouse,andwe’llbeabletotalkinprivate,”hesaidcryptically.Shefeltgoodaboutthefactthatshe’dfiledthepaperworkanddecidedtogowithColin’sidea.Forthefirsttimesinceallthishadstarted,she’dactedinsteadofreacted.Whiletherewasnoguaranteethatthey’dbeabletoserveLesterwiththecourtorder,takingtheinitiativemadeherfeelasthoughshehadsomesemblanceofcontrol.
Atthecoffeeshop,sheandColinsatinacornerboothwheretheycouldwatchforMargolis’sarrival.
Whenhefinallywalkedthroughthedoorhalfanhourlate,ittookonlyasecondforhimtospotthem.Ashewovehiswaybetweentables,Marianoticedthewaythefabricofhisill-fittingblazertightenedaroundhisbiceps.LikeColin,Margolisseemedtospendalotoftimeinthegym.
HepausedneartheregistertoorderacupofcoffeeandthenslidintotheboothacrossfromMariaandColin.WhenheglancedatColin,shethoughtshedetectedatracelessofhisusualanimosity.
Orthenagain,maybeshewasjustimaginingit.
“AnyproblemswiththeFifty-Cthismorning?”
“No,”Mariasaid.“Andthankyouforyourhelp.It’scleartheywereexpectingme.”
Henodded.“JudgeCarsonwillbeincourttoday.Ileftwordwithhisclerk,sothereshouldn’tbeanyholdup.Ifyoudon’thearfromthem,letmeknow.”
“Sure,”shesaid.
Thewaitercameby,droppingoffthecupofcoffee.Margoliswaiteduntilheleftbeforespeakingagain.
“Howdidyouholduplastnight?”heaskedMaria.
“Ididn’tsleepwell,ifthat’swhatyou’reasking.ButatleastLesterdidn’tcomeback.”
Henodded.“Icheckedthismorningandhewasn’tspottedonanyofthepatrols,either.Buthe’llturnup.Aguylikethattendstostandoutandmakepeoplenervous,whichmeansthatcallscomein.I’mconfidentsomeonewillletusknowwhenheshowsup.”
“Ifhe’sstillintown,”shesaid.“Forallweknow,hecouldbebackinCharlottebynow.OrGodknowswhereelse.”
“Ifheis,he’snotinthehospital.Icheckedthismorning.Nosignofhim.YoushouldalsoknowthatIhadmyfrienddrivepasttheManningplacethismorning.Nosignofhimthere,eitherinthegarageapartmentorthehouse.”
Shenodded.
“Onanothernote,”hewenton,“Ispokewiththesheriff’sdepartment,andthey’reokaywithmeservingLesterwhenwedofindhim.That’sactuallygoodnews.It’snotalwaysthateasy.ButI’dhateforLestertobelocatedandthennotgetservedbecausetherearenosheriffsreadilyavailableandhedisappearsagainbeforetheycan.”
“Sothat’stheplan?”Mariaasked.“Towaituntilheshowshimself?”
“I’mnotsurethere’sanotheroption.I’mjusttryingtomakethebestoutofabadsituation.”
“Isthatwhyyouwantedtomeetwithmethismorning?Totellmeyoucouldn’tfindhim?”
“No,”Margolissaid.“AcoupleofinterestingbitsofinformationturnedupandIwantedtogetyourtakeonthem.”
“Ithoughtyouweren’tatlibertytotalkabouttheinvestigation.”
“You’reright,”hesaid.“WhichmeansI’llhavetolimitsomeofwhatItellyou.Still,IwantedtotalktoyoubecauseIneedyourhelp.”
“Why?”
“BecausethemoreIlookintothissituation,thelessitseemstoaddup.I’mhopingthatyoucanhelpmeputthepiecestogether.”
Welcometomyworld,Mariathought.
Margoliswenton.“Regardingthesituationlastnight.ItoldyouIwaslookingintopossibleweaponsviolations.Butlikeeverythingelseinthiscase,whatseemedobviousisn’t.Solet’sstartwiththis:Lesterdoesnothaveagunpermit.Norhashelegallypurchasedaweapon,whichIthoughtwasgreatnewsforyou.However,itturnsoutthatAveryManning,thefather,doeshaveapermitforahandgunpurchasedaboutayearago.”
“And?”
“TheproblemisthatLesterandAvery,fatherandson,liveatthesameaddress.It’snotillegaltoborrowsomeone’sguniftheweaponisproperlypermitted.SoIcan’tmakeacaseonthat,unlessAveryManningdidn’tgivepermission.Butthereareevenmorecomplications.”
“Suchas?”
“AveryManningcametoseemethismorning.”Heletthosewordshangbeforecontinuing.“That’swhyIwaslategettinghere,bytheway.IfigureditwasbettertomeetwithhimbeforeItalkedtoyou.Thestorytookyetanothertwist.”
“What?”
“Thegunmaynothavebeenreal.”
“Excuseme?”
Margolispickeduphisspoonandstirredhiscoffeeashewenton.“Letmestartfromthebeginning,okay?WesitdownandthefirstthingIthinkisthatDr.Manninglookslikecrap,whichmadesenseassoonashetoldmehe’djustdriveninfromTennessee.Hewasclearlyupset.Hemusthavemowedthroughanentirepackofgumwhileweweresittingthere,chewingandspittingoutonepieceafteranother.Althoughhedidn’tattempttocontroltheconversation,whichsurprisedmebasedonthewayyou’ddescribedhim.Butanyway,IaskhimwhatIcandoforhim,andheimmediatelysaysthatLesterhasleftPlainview,andthathewasworriedLestermightcometoseeyou.Hebeggedmetowarnyouandtotellyouthatifheshowedupyoushouldcallthepolice.HewentontosaythatLesterwasinanacutedelusionalphase,andthathe’dbeenstrugglingwiththisdisorderforyears,yadayadayada…prettymuchallthesamethingshe’dtoldmebefore.”
“Butyesterday,hewasn’tevensureifhissonwasinthehospital.”
Margolistookasipofhiscoffee.“HesaidthehospitalcalledhimassoonasthestaffrealizedthatLesterwasmissing,ashe’stheemergencycontact.Apparently,whenLesterdidn’tshowupforhisappointmentwiththesocialworker,thestaffspentacoupleofhourssearchingthehospitalbeforetheyrealizedhemusthaveleftthegrounds.That’swhentheycalledDr.Manning.”
“Howisthatevenpossible?It’sapsychiatrichospital.Don’ttheywatchtheirpatients?”
“AccordingtoDr.Manning,Lester’sbeenthereregularlyenoughtounderstandtheroutinesandhe’sfamiliarwiththestaff.TheadministratoralsoemphasizedthattherewasnoreasonnottotrustLester.Lesterhadenteredthehospitalvoluntarilyandhe’dneverrunoffbefore.Sofreetimecomesalongandthey’reguessingthatLesterjust…slippedaway.Afterthat,heeitherhasuseofsomeone’scar,orsomeonepickedhimup,andhemadehiswaytoWilmington.Andheobviouslyhadagunstashedsomewherealongtheway.”Margolisshrugged.“WhatcanIsay,he’sparanoid.”
“Ifhewantedtowarnme,whydidn’tDr.Manningcallyouassoonashefoundout?”
“Hedid,”Margolissaid,hisexpressionlettingherknowhewasjustassurprisedasshewas.“Heleftmeavoicemaillastnight,butunfortunately,Ididn’tgetaroundtolisteningtoituntilthismorning,afterI’dalreadymetwithhim.Eventhen,I’mnotsurehowmuchgooditwouldhavedone.ThecallcameinafterLesterhadalreadybeenatyourplace.”
Marianodded.
“Anyway,afterwewentoverthosethings,ItoldDr.ManningthatLesterhadnotonlyshownupatyourparents’lastnightandconfrontedyou,butthathehadagun.Atthatpoint,Dr.Manningbecameevenmoreupset.Then,afterhe’dseemedtocalmdown,heinsistedtomethatLester’sguncouldn’thavebeenreal.”
“Ofcoursehe’dsaythat.”
“That’swhatIthought,too.Iaskedhimhowhecouldbesosure.Hesaidthatheownedonlytwoguns:anoldshotgunhe’shadsincehewasakidthathesaidmightnotevenwork,andthehandgunItoldyouabout,whichhekeepsinalockedcaseinthetrunkofhiscar.Headdedthattherewasnowayhe’deverleaveitatthehousewhereLestercouldgethishandsonit.”
“IknowwhatIsaw!”
“Idon’tdoubtthat,butletmefinish,”Margolissaid.“Dr.ManningtoldmethatwhileLesterdidn’thavearealgun,heownedapelletgun.HesaidheboughtitforLesterwhenhewasateenager,andhe’dassumedthatitwasinoneoftheboxesintheatticwithLester’sotherthings.It’spossible,hesaid,thathissonmayhaveretrieveditatsomepointinthepast.Somyquestiontoyouiswhetherit’spossiblethatLestermayhavebeenholdingapelletgun.”
Mariatriedtorecallthegunbutcouldn’tconjureupthenecessarydetail.“Idon’tknow,”sheadmitted.“Itlookedrealtome.”
“That’snotsurprising.Samecolor,samesize,itwasdarkout,andyouwereterrified.Whoknows?ButitmightexplainwhyLesterneverraisedit.Becausehethoughtyoumayhavenoticedthatthemuzzlewastoosmall.”
Mariathoughtaboutitbeforefinallyshakingherhead.“Itstilldoesn’tmeanthatLester’sgunwasn’treal.Hecouldhaveboughtitatagunshow.Orboughtitonthestreet.It’snotimpossible.”
“Trueenough,”Margolisconceded.“Asofnow,I’mnotrulinganythingout.”
“AndhowdoyouknowthatDr.Manningwastellingthetruthabouthisguninthefirstplace?”
“Becauseheshowedittomeaftertheinterview,whenhewasleaving.Andyes,itwasinalockedcaseinhistrunk.”WhenMariadidn’trespond,Margoliswenton.“There’ssomethingelseyoushouldknow.”
“What’sthat?”
MargolisreachedintothefileandpulledoutanadmissionformfromPlainviewPsychiatricHospital.HesliditacrossthetabletoMaria.
“LesterManningwasinthehospitalthenightyourtireswereslashed.IreceivedthisfaxfromPlainviewthismorning.Youcanseethedateheenteredthehospital.”
EvenasMariastaredatthedocumentinfrontofher,shedidn’tquitebelieveit.
“Areyousurethisisreal?”
“Yes.Dr.ManningmadetherequestwhileIwasthere,andthefaxarrivedafewminuteslater,directlyfromthehospital.”
“Couldn’tLesterhavesneakedout?Likehedidyesterday?”
“Notthatnight.Accordingtotheirrecords,hewasinhisroomallnight.Staffcheckedonhimeverythirtyminutes.”Mariasaidnothing.Inthesilence,Margolistookasipofhiscoffee.“WhichispartofthereasonIwantedtomeetwithyou.Ifsomeoneelseslashedyourtires,whocoulditbe?WhenIposedthatquestiontoDr.Manning,hetoldmetolookintoMarkAtkinson.”
“Why?”
“BecauseAtkinsonmightbetryingtoframeLester.”
“Thatdoesn’tmakeanysense.”
“Maybe…unlessAtkinsonknewLesterandhadapossiblereason.Anditjustsohappensthatitmightbethecase.LesterwastheonewhointroducedCassietoAtkinsoninthefirstplace.”
IttookafewbeatsforMariatoabsorbthis.“LesterandAtkinsonkneweachother?”
“Theybothworkforthesamejanitorialcompany.Orusedto,anyway.AccordingtoDr.Manning,afterCassiedied,LesterandAtkinsonhadafalling-out.LesterconfrontedAtkinsonaboutfailingtoprotectCassiewhenLawsshowedup,calledhimacoward,andtheygotintoafight.There’snorecordofit,butthatdoesn’tmeananything.Mostofthetime,insituationslikethis,thepolicearenevercalled.Longstoryshort,accordingtoDr.Manning,Atkinsonwaspissed.”
“Andyouknowthatforcertain?”
“Notaboutthefight.Butit’struethatLesterandAtkinsonworkedtogether.Afterwetalkedyesterday,IspoketoAtkinson’smotheragain,andthenasupervisoratthejanitorialcompany.That’swhatImeant,bytheway,whenIsaidthatIwaslookingintodifferentangles.BecausesomethingaboutthewayAtkinsonjustupandlefttownbotheredmeassoonasIlearnedaboutit.Icankindofaccepttheideathatheranofftomeetthewomanofhisdreamsorwhatever—guyscanbestupidlikethat—butnocontactwithhismomexceptforacoupleofletters?Thathadbeenprintedfromacomputer?Nocallsortextstohismomorhisfriends?Whenallthiswithyoujusthappenstobegoingon?Itdidn’tsitrightwithme.”
“Istilldon’tunderstandwhyAtkinsonwouldcomeafterme,though.LikeItoldyou,I’venevermettheman.”
“Isitpossiblethathe’sangryforthesamereasonyouthinkLesteris?BecauseLawsgotoutofprisonandkilledCassie?Andheblamesyou?”
“Maybe,”shesaidslowly.“But…Lester’sbeentheonefollowingme.Hesenttheflowersandsentoverthedrink.Lester’stheonewhoshowedupatmyhouselastnight…”
“Exactly,”Margolisagreed.“AndallofthishasmademewonderwhetherDr.ManningwaswrongabouttherelationshipbetweenLesterandAtkinson.Ifhe’sright,andAtkinsonistryingtoframeLester,thenhowdidhegetLestertoplayalongsoperfectly?Especiallywhenyoutakelastnightintoaccount?Ifyouthrowthatideaout,however,itleavesuswithacoupleofotherpossibilities.ThefirstisthatLestersomehowknewthatAtkinsonwasgoingtogoafteryou,andhedecidedtojoinin.Ofcourse,thatraisesthequestionastohowLesterwouldknowwhatAtkinsonwasplanning,whichopensawholenewcanofworms.Ifweputasidethatidea,too,however,there’salsoathirdpossibility.”
MarialookedacrossthetableatMargolis,almostafraidtohearwhathewasgoingtosaynext.
“Whatif,”hefinallyoffered,“LesterandAtkinsonareworkingtogether?Andthey’reprovidingalibisforeachother?”
Maria,tryingtoabsorbMargolis’squestions,saidnothing.
“Iknowwhatyou’rethinking,”Margolissaid.“Anditsoundscrazytome,too,butofthethreeexplanations,it’stheonlyonethatseemstomakeanysenseatall.”
“I’mstillnotsurewhyyouthinkAtkinsonmightbeinvolvedinthefirstplace.MaybeLesterhadsomehomelessguyorkidslashmytiresandleavethenotebecauseheknewhe’dhavetheperfectalibi.BecauseeverythingelsepointstothefactthatLester’sprobablyworkingalone.”
“Noteverything,”Margolissaid.“See,thethingis,Irantheregistrationsonthecarsnearthepark,justlikeColinsuggested.Andoneofthembroughtupaseriousredflag.”
“Why?”
“BecausethecarinquestionisregisteredtoMarkAtkinson.”
“Doesthatmakesensetoyou?”MariaaskedColinafterMargolishadleft.“AboutLesterandAtkinsonworkingtogether?”
“Idon’tknow,”Colinadmitted.
Sheshookherhead.“It’sLester.Alone.Ithastobe.”Eventoherears,itsoundedlikeshewastryingtoconvinceherself.“Andiftheyareworkingtogether,whyisAtkinson’scaratthepark?Howdidtheygetaway?Lesterdoesn’thaveacar.”
“LikeMargolissuggestedlastnight,maybehestoleone.”
Sheshookherhead.“It’sjustsoconfusing.ThiswholethingislikeoneofthoseRussiannestingdolls.Openuponedoll,andthere’sanotheroneinside,andonandon.AndwhatamIsupposedtodonow?WhatifthedetectivefindssomethingthatimplicatesAtkinson?AmIsupposedtogetaFifty-ConAtkinson,too?”
“Itmightcometothat.”
“Andwhatiftheycan’tfindAtkinson,either?Evenhismothercan’tfindhim.WhatgoodwouldaFifty-Cdoiftheycan’tserveitrightaway?”
Colindidn’tanswer,buthesensedthatMariadidn’tneedhimto.Herthoughtscontinuedtospin,wordstumblingout.“GodonlyknowswhereLesteris,butit’sthesamesituation.WhatgoodcantheFifty-Cdoiftheycan’tfindhim,either?”
“Theywill.”
“How?”
Insteadofanswering,Colinreachedforherhand.“Fornow,Ithinkourbestbetistostickwiththeplan,especiallysincetheremightbetwoofthem.”
“Becauseyouthinkit’seasierfortwopeopletofollowme?”
“Yes.Andbecauseuntilwereallyknowwhat’sgoingon,keepingyousafeistheonlythingwecando.”
AfterdroppingoffMaria’scaratherplace,ColinandMariadrovetoIndependenceMallintheCamaro,takingacircuitousroutethatincludedsideroadsandsuddenturns.Thoughneitherofthemsawanyoneintherearviewmirrors,theytooknochances.
Atthemall,theyspentfortyminuteswalkingthroughdifferentstores,holdinghandsandexaminingvariousthings.Theybacktrackedeverynowandthen,studyingthefacesofthosewho’dbeenbehindthem,butMariawasn’tcertainhowmuchgooditwasactuallydoing.WhilesheknewwhatLesterlookedlike,Atkinsonwasamystery.ColinhadloggedintohercomputerwithherpasswordthatmorningandpulledupPinterest,andshe’dfoundherselfscrutinizingAtkinson’smissingpersonsphoto,wonderinghowaccurateitwas.Hehadanunremarkableface,thekindthatnaturallyblendedintoacrowd,andforallsheknew,hecouldhavechangedhishaircolor.Orgrownamustache,orshavedhishead.Throughitall,Margolis’stheoriescontinuedtochaseeachotherthroughherbrain.
AtkinsontryingtoframeLester.LestertryingtoframeAtkinson.LesterandAtkinsonworkingtogether.OrwasLesterworkingalonewhileAtkinsonranoffwithagirl,andinthatcase,wasthecarjustacoincidence?
Whoknew?Everypossibility,whenfollowedlogically,brokedownsomewherealongtheway.
Eventually,andaccordingtoplan,theymadetheirwaytoawomen’sapparelstore.There,Mariapulledafewblousesfromtheracks,notreallycaringhowtheylookedbutpretendingto.Colinstoodbesideherandcasuallycommentedontheitems.Atnoonexactly,shetoldColinthatshewantedtotrytheoutfitsonandwalkedtowardthedressingrooms.
“I’llbeoutinafewminutes,Colin,”shecalledout.Assoonassheenteredthebankofchangingrooms,Lilypeekedoutfromoneofthestalls.Mariascootedintothesamestall,notingLily’soutfit:redpumps,jeans,redblouse,andacarnationinherhair.Inherhandwereapairofoversizedsunglassesandasetofkeys;onthefloorwasanavy-bluetoteandadepartmentstorebag.
“Oh,sugar.Blessyourheart,”Lilysaid,reachingforherhands.“IknowthisisaterriblystressfulsituationforyouandIcan’timaginehowyou’reabletokeepyourwitsaboutyou,letaloneremainasgorgeousasyouwerethefirsttimeIsawyou.Why,ifitwasme,myskinwouldalreadybebreakingout.”
Idoubtthat,Mariathought.Lilywasthekindofgirlwho’dprobablyneverhadapimpleinherlife.Butitwasasweetthingtosay.
“Thankyou,”Mariasaid.“AndIknowthatI’maskingalot…”
“You’redoingnosuchthing,”Lilysaid,“andIdonotwanttohearanotherwordaboutit.I’myourfriend,andthisiswhatfriendsdoforeachother,especiallyinasituationasfrighteningasthis.”
“Ididn’tseeEvan,”Mariacommented.
“Hewenttothefoodcourtacoupleofminutesago.Probablyeatingsomethingabsolutelyunhealthy,butconsideringhe’sbeenasweetheartaboutallofthis,Ihavevowedtosaynothingatalltohimabouthisdietaryhabits.”
“Doyouthinkitwillwork?”
“Ofcourseitwillwork,”Lilysaid.“Peopleusuallyseewhattheyexpecttosee.Ilearnedthatinmydramaclass.Ihadthemostmarvelousteacher,bytheway.Butwe’lltalkaboutthatlater.Let’sgetstarted,okay?ColinandEvanarewatchingtheclockaswespeak.”ShehandedMariathetotebag,alongwiththesunglassesandkeystohercar.“Yourwigandoutfitareinhere,”shesaid.“I’msurewhatIgotwillfitperfectly.Isuspectthatwe’rethesamesize.”
Notquite,butcloseenough,Mariathought.“Wheredidyougetthewigssoquickly?”
“Fromawigshop.Whereelse?Andthoughthey’renotperfect—suchathingwouldbeimpossibleonsuchshortnotice—they’llbothbemorethanadequateforourpurposes.”
Mariasortedthroughthetotebag.“Icanpayyoubackforallofthis…”
“No,youmostcertainlywillnot.AndthoughwhatI’mabouttosaywilllikelysoundawful,allthecloak-and-daggeractivitythismorninghasbeenatinybitexciting.Itremindsmeofthemasqueradeballatmyparents’countryclub.Nowlet’sgetstarted…anddon’tforgetthecarnation.That’sthekindofdetailthatpeoplefocuson.I’mgoingtotextEvan,andhe’llbehereinjustafewminutes.”
MarialeftLily’sdressingroom,slippingintotheadjoiningone.InthetotebagwasanoutfitthatmatchedtheoneLilyhadbeenwearing,alongwithablondwigandaredcarnation.Mariaputtheoutfitonalongwiththewigandspentaminuteadjustingittoherliking.ShetuckedthecarnationintothewiginapproximatelythesamespotLilyhadbeenwearinghers,thenputonthesunglasses.
Upclose,shestilllookednothinglikeLily.Butfromadistance,maybe…
Sheslidontheredpumpsandatexactlyaquarterpasttwelveleftthedressingroom.Evanstrodetowardher.“Hey,Lily,”hesaidasheapproached.“Didyoufindanythingyouliked?”Inthecorner,shesawColinfeigninginterestinwhateverwasonhisphone.
Mariashookherhead.Evanleanedinandkissedheronthecheekbeforereachingforherhand.Theyexitedthestoreataleisurelypace,thencutintoadepartmentstore,makingfortheexitdoors.
Lily’scarwastwospacesin.MariapressedthebuttononLily’skeychain,unlockingthedoors,andgotbehindthewheelwhileEvangotinbesideher.Shecheckedherwatch.
Intheapparelstore,MariaknewthatLilywouldexitintwomoreminutes,dressedasMariahadbeen,wearingadarkwig.Colinwouldtakeherhandandleadhertoanotherstoreanddressingroom,whereLilywouldchangebackintoheroriginaloutfit.LilywouldeventuallyexitthemallwithEvan.Colin,meanwhile,wouldheadtohiscaralone,asifMariahadneverbeenatthemallatall.
Allofwhichwasprobablyunnecessary,Mariathought.Butthekeyword,sheknew,wasprobably.Withtwopeoplepossiblyfollowingher,neithershenorColinwantedtotakeanychances,andbothofthemwantedhersomeplacewherenoonewouldeverthinktolookforher,someplaceshe’dneverbeenbefore.
Lily’shouse.
Mariastartedthecarandpulledout.Nooneexitedthestorebehindher,nordidanyothercarspullout.Shecircledthemall,followingEvan’sdirections,andthenpulledoverasEvanhoppedoutatanotherentrancetothemall.
“Thanks,”shesaid.
“Gladtodoit,”Evansaid.“Andremember,you’llbeabsolutelysafe.LilyandIwillbethereinabitwithyourthings,okay?”
Shenodded,stillfeelingonedge.Exitingthemalllotaminutelater,sheturnedontothemainroad.Asshe’ddonewaytoofrequentlylately,shemadeafewrandomturnsandcontinuallyglancedintoherrearviewmirror,feelinghernervousnessfinallybegintosubside.
Noonecouldhavepossiblyfollowedher.Shewascertainaboutit.
Well,mostlycertain.
Lately,nothinghadseemedcertainatall.
Lily’scondowaslessthanamilefromCrabbyPete’s,withprivategatedparkingandlivingroomwindowsthatshowcasedaspectacularoceanview.Itwastastefullydecoratedinwhites,yellows,andblues—nosurprisethere—andfeltbothwelcomingandcomfortable.Mariaspentafewminutesstaringoutoverthebeachwithoutgoingoutsideandfinallydrewtheshadesbeforemakingherwaytothecouch.
Shestretchedoutwithasigh,thinkingashortnapwasjustwhatsheneeded.Atthatmoment,thephonethatColinhadgivenherrang,andansweringit,sherecognizedMargolis’svoiceontheotherend.
“Acoupleofthings.IcalledmydetectivefriendinCharlotteandleftamessageforhimtoseewhathecanscroungeuponAtkinson,eitherwithhismomoratAtkinson’splace,sothatpartisnowinmotion.Moreimportantly,IalsowantedtoletyouknowtheFifty-Cwasgranted.I’mwaitingforthepaperworknow.”
“Thankyou,”shesaid,leavingtheobviousunspoken;thattheystillneededtofindLestertoserveit.AndmaybegetasecondoneforAtkinson.Whenshehungup,shecalledColintotellhim,thenupdatedherparentsaswell.Ittookafewminutestogetherworriedmotheroffthephone,andwhenshefinallyhungup,sherealizedagainhowwornoutshefelt.Likeshe’dbeenrunningnonstopfordays,which,inaway,sherealized,shehadbeen.
Sheclosedhereyesagain,butsleepdidn’tcomerightaway.ThecallwithMargolis,asshortasitwas,hadtriggeredanotherroundofquestions.Intheend,though,exhaustioneventuallywonoutandshefeltherselffinally,thankfully,driftingoff.CHAPTER27
Colin
AfterhangingupwithMaria,Colingrabbedherbagsfromthecar,slidinhisearbuds,andgotsomemusicgoingwhilehebroughthercomputertothediningroomtable.Therewassomethinghewantedtocheck,andwhilehecouldhavementionedtheideatoMariaorMargoliswhilethey’dbeenhavingcoffee,he’ddecidedagainstit.Itwasalongshot,butnowthatthe50Cwasinplace,hefiguredtherewasnoharmincheckingitout.AndwhetherornotAtkinsonwasinvolvedwasbesidethepoint;rightnow,findingLesterwasapriority.
Ithadcometohimthatmorning.He’dkissedMariagood-byeandonthewaytohiscar,he’dtriedtomakesenseofthefactsathand:thatthecourtorderwoulddonogoodunlesstheycouldfindLester;thattimewasoftheessence;thatLesterwasdangerous;thathe’dshownupwithagunandleftMariaterrified;and,ofcourse,thathe’dtakenherphone…
Herphone…
Andwiththat,amemoryclickedintoplace,amemorythattookhimbacktothenighthe’dfirstmetMaria.Whenithadbeenstormingandhe’dpulledover…she’dbeenskittishbecauseofthewayhe’dlookedafterthefight…andshe’daskedtoborrowhisphonebecauseshe’dmisplacedhers.She’dbeenramblingabit,butwhathadshesaid?
He’dpausedathiscar,tryingtoremember.
“Ididn’tloseloseit…It’seitherattheofficeorIleftitatmyparents’,butIwon’tknowforsureuntilIgettomyMacBook…IusethatFindMyiPhonething…Icantrackmyphonebecauseit’ssyncedwiththecomputer.”
Whichmeant,ofcourse,hecouldtrackthephone,too.
ItsurprisedhimthatMargolishadn’tthoughtofit.OrmaybeMargolishadandhe’dalreadychecked,andithadamountedtonothingbecauseLesterhadeitherdiscardedthephoneorturneditoff,orthebatteryhadgonedead.OrmaybethatconstitutedinformationMargoliswasn’tallowedtoshare.Atthesametime,there’dbeensomuchelsegoingon,itwasn’tcompletelyoutofthequestionthattheideahadbeentemporarilyoverlooked.
Colindidn’twanttogethishopesup—theoddswereslimthatitwouldworkandheknewit—butacoupleofclicksofthecursorlater,hishearthammeredhardwhenheunderstoodwhathewasseeing.ThephonewasstillonandthebatteryhadenoughjuicetolethimknowthatitwaslocatedatahouseonRobinsLaneinShallotte,asmalltownsouthwestofWilmington,nearHoldenBeach.Shallottewasagoodforty-fiveminutesaway,andColinstaredatthelocation,watchingtoseewhetherthephonewasstillonthemove.
Itwasn’t.Thesiteallowedhimtotrackthephone’spreviousmovementsaswell,andacoupleofclickslater,helearnedthatthephonehadbeencarriedfromtheSanchezhometothehouseonRobinsLanewithoutanydetours.
Interesting.Definitelyinteresting,butstillnotproof.MaybeLesterhadknownthephonecouldbetracked,andhe’dtosseditintosomeone’scarorintothebedofapickupashewasfleeing.Ormaybehe’ddroppeditandsomeonehadhappenedtofindit.
OrmaybeLesterwastoodelusionaltoeventhinkalongthoselines.
Nowaytoknowforsure,butworthcheckingout…
HedebatedwhethertocallMargolisbeforethinkingthatitwouldprobablybebettertobecertainbeforehedid.Shallottewasn’teveninthesamecounty,andhedidn’twanttowasteMargolis’stimeifitwouldamounttonothing…
Hefeltataponhisshoulderandflinchedautomatically.Whenheturned,Evanwasstandingbehindhim.Colinpulledouttheearbuds.
“You’renotplanningtodowhatIthinkyouare,areyou?”Evanasked.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?Ididn’thearyoucomein.”
“Iknocked,butyoudidn’tanswer.Peekedin.SawyouwithMaria’scomputer.Wonderedifyouwereplanningtodosomethingstupid.FiguredIwouldask,justincaseyouwere.”
“Itwasn’tstupid.IwastrackingMaria’sphone,”hesaid.
“Iknow,”Evansaid,motioningtothecomputer.“Icanseethescreen.Whendidyoufigureouttodothat?”
“Thismorning.WhenIleftMaria’sparents’house.”
“Prettyslick,”Evansaid.“HaveyoucalledMargolisyet?”
“No.”
“Whynot?”
“Becauseyouwalkedin.Ihaven’thadthechance.”
“Socallhimnow,”Evansaid.WhenColindidn’treachforhisphone,Evanletoutabreath.“That’swhatImeantwhenIwonderedifyouwereplanningtodosomethingstupid.Becauseyouweren’tplanningtocallhim,wereyou?Youweregoingtocheckitoutyourself,beforeyoucallhim.”
“ItmightnotbeLester.”
“So?LetMargolischeckitout.Attheveryleast,Maria’sphoneisthereandhe’dgetitback.AnddoIneedtoremindyouagainthatthisispolicebusiness?YouneedtoletMargolisdohisjob.Youneedtocallhim.”
“Iwill.WhenIknowonewayortheother.”
“YouknowwhatIthink?”Evanasked.“You’relying.”
“Idon’tlie.”
“Maybenottome.Butrightnow,Ithinkyou’relyingtoyourself.ThishasnothingtodowithwastingMargolis’stime.Thetruthis,Ithinkyouwanttobefrontandcenterinthiswholething.IthinkyouwanttoseeLesterandputafacetoaname.Ithinkyou’repissedoffandyou’vegottenusedtohandlingthingsyourownway.AndIthinkyouwanttobethehero,liketakingpicturesfromtherooforlastnightwhenyoukickedthroughMaria’sparents’door,eventhoughthepolicewerealreadythere.”
ColinadmittedtohimselfthatEvanmightberight.“And?”
“You’remakingamistake.”
“IfIfindoutit’sLester,I’llcallMargolis.”
“Andhowareyougoingtodothat?AreyougoingtoknockonthedoorandaskifLester’shome?Sneakupandtrytopeekthroughthewindows?Hopehecomesouttowashhiscar?Slipanoteunderthedoor?”
“I’llfigureitoutwhenIgetthere.”
“Oh,that’sagoodplan,”Evansnapped.“Becausewhenyouwingthings,italwaysturnsoutforthebest,huh?DidyouhappentorememberthatLesterhasagun?Andthatyoumightgetsuckedintosomesortofsituationyoucouldhaveavoided?Orthatyoumightmakethingsevenworse?AndwhatifLesterspotsyou?Hemightsneakoutthebackandthenit’llbeevenhardertofindhiminthefuture.”
“Ormaybehe’splanningtorunalready,andI’llbeabletofollowhim.”
EvanputhishandsonthebackofColin’schair.“I’mnotgoingtotalkyououtofthis,amI?”
“No.”
“ThenwaituntilIbringLilyhomeandI’llgowithyou.”
“No.”
“Whynot?”
“Becausethere’snoreasonforyoutocome.”
Evanletgoofthechair,standingstraightagain.“Don’tdoit,”hefinallysaid.“Foryourowngood,callMargolis.”Nodoubttryingtoemphasizethepoint,hereachedforMaria’scomputer,andnearthedoorhestuffeditbackintoherbag.HegrabbedMaria’sotherthingsandleftColin’sapartment,slammingthedoorbehindhim.
Colinwatchedhimgowithoutaword.
InthecarfifteenminuteslateronhiswaytoShallotte,ColinthoughtaboutthethingsEvanhadsaid.
Whywashegoingalone?Whyhadn’thecalledMargolis?Whatdidhehopetoachieve?
Because,asEvanhadimplied,thesituationhadbecomepersonal.Hewantedtofinallyputafacetoaname;hewantedtoseewithhisowneyeswhattheguywaslike.HewantedtowatchLestergetservedbyMargolis,andthen,intheaftermath,findawaytokeepaneyeonhim,evenifhedidn’ttellMargolisaboutthat,either.Itwastime,hethought,forLestertobeginlookingoverhisshoulder,insteadoftheotherwayaround.
IfitevenwasLester,ofcourse…
Andyet,EvanhadremindedColinoftherisksifthehunchturnedouttobecorrect.Evanwasgoodforthingslikethat,andColinknewhehadtobecareful.Hewasasinglemistakeawayfromheadingtoprison,andhepromisedhimselfthatallhewasgoingtodowaswatch.EvenifLesterstrolledbythecar,hewasn’tgoingtosomuchastouchhim.AndyetColinstillfeltonedge,theadrenalinealreadybeginningtoflow.
Heforcedhimselftotakelong,steadybreaths.
HenavigatedthroughWilmington,hittingoneredlightafteranotherandeventuallyreachingHighway17.HehadpunchedtheRobinsLaneaddressintohisphone,andhewatchedasthedirectionsappeared.Hefollowedtheverbalcommands,andatalittleaftertwointheafternoon,hewasmakingthefinalturns,throughaquietblue-collarneighborhoodthatonthesurfaceremindedhimoftheonewhereMaria’sparentslived.Butonlyonthesurface.Thehomesweresmallerandnotaswellkept;morethanafewhadovergrownlawns,andhereandthere,hesawFORRENTsigns,makingtheareafeeltransient.Thekindofneighborhoodwherepeoplekepttothemselvesanddidn’tstaylong.
Orwantedtohide?
Maybe.
Heparkedinfrontofasmallbungalowtwodoorsdownfromtheaddresshewaslookingfor,oneoftherentals,behindanoldstationwagonthathadseenbetterdays.Therewasasmallporchoutfrontandhecouldseethedoorandonesideofthehouse,whereawindowwithcurtainsdrawnfacedaneighboringhouse.Peekingoutfromthefarsideofthehouse,hecouldseethenoseofabluecarbutcouldn’tmakeoutthetype.
Someonehome?
Hadtobe.Atkinson’scarwasatthepark.Or,atleastaccordingtoMargolis,ithadbeenafewhoursago.
Hewishedhe’dsomehowbeenabletokeepMaria’scomputerwithhim.Itwouldhavebeenhelpfultomakesurethephonewasstillhere.HewonderedwhetherheshouldcallEvanandask,butEvanwouldusetheopportunitytolecturehimagain,andhewasn’tinthemoodforthat.Besides,morethanlikely,EvanandLilywerealreadyheadedtoLily’scondowithMaria’sthings.WhichmeantthatallhecoulddowaswatchwiththehopethatLesterwouldeventuallyventureoutside
Thenagain,asEvanhadremindedhim,Colinstillwasn’tsurewhatLesterevenlookedlike.
Glancingathisphone,Colinsawitwascominguponthreeo’clocknow.He’dbeenwatchingforanhour.There’dbeennosignsofmovementbeyondthecurtainsofthebungalow;noonehadcomeoutside.Thebluecarremainedinplace.
Ontheplusside,noneoftheneighborshadseemedtonoticehim,andthestreetitselfhadbeenquiet.Acoupleofpeoplehadwalkedpasthiscar;afewkidshadrunbykickingasoccerball.ThemailmanhadcomebyandColinhadtemporarilygottenhishopesup—hecould,perhaps,catchthenameofwhoeverlivedinthehousebycheckingthemailbox—butthemailmanpassedthehouse,makingnodeliveriesatall.
Thatwasodd.He’dstoppedateveryotherhomeontheblock.
Itmightmeannothingatall.
Oritmightmeanthatwhoeverwaslivingatthehousedidn’tgenerallyreceivemail,becausetheirmailwassentelsewhere.
Itmadehimwonder.
Timecontinuedtotickby.Fouro’clocknow,andColinwasgettingantsy.Hewrestledwiththeurgetodo…something.HewonderedagainwhethertocallMargolis.Wonderedwhethertoriskaknockatthedoor.Hetrustedhimselfnottooverreact.Ormostlydid,anyway.
Hestayedinthecar,takinglong,slowbreaths,andwasstartledwhenhisphonedinged.Evan.
Whatareyoudoing?
Colintextedback,Nothing
Anotherhourpassed.Fiveo’clock,withthesunbeginningtosinklower,stillbrightbutpredictingthegradualonsetofdusk.Colinwonderedwhen,orif,thelightswouldgooninside;sincehe’dbeenthere,ithadbecomeeasiertoimaginethatnoonewasinsidethebungalowatall.
Hisphonedingedagain.Evan.Again.
I’llbethereinaminute,thetextread.I’malmostatyourcar.
Colinfurrowedhisbrow,thenlookedoverhisshoulderandsawEvanapproachingfrombehind.Evanhoppedinandclosedthedoor,thenrolledupthewindow.Colindidthesame.
“Iknewyou’dbehere.AssoonasIleftyou,Iknewexactlywhatyouintendedtodo.Andthenyoulietomeinyourtext?Aboutdoingnothing?”
“Iwasn’tlying.I’mnotdoinganything.”
“Youcamehere.You’rewatchingthehouse.You’rewatchingforLester.That’ssomething.”
“NotifIhaven’tseenhim.”
“Sowhat’stheplannow?”
“I’mstillworkingonit,”Colinanswered.“How’sMaria?”
“Shewasasleeponthecouchwhenwegotthere,butassoonasshewokeup,Lilystartedtalkingtoheraboutourweddingplans.IfiguredImightaswellcheckonyou,sinceLilycantalkforhoursonthatsubject…”
Atthatmoment,Colincaughttheflashofmovementatthefrontofthebungalow.Thedooropening.Amanbeginningtostepontotheporch,holdingacanofsomething.
“Getdown,”Colinhissedashequicklyloweredhimselfaswell.“Andstaydown.”
Evanautomaticallydidashewastold.“Why?”
Colinslowlypokedhisheadupwithoutanswering,needingacloserlook.Themanhadmovedontotheporch,thefrontdooropenbehindhim.Colinpeeredcloser,conjuringupAtkinson’simage.Definitelynothim,hedecided,andhetriedtorememberwhatMariahadsaidaboutLester’sclothinglastnight.Fadedredshirtandtornjeans?
Yes,Colinthought.Samethingthemanwaswearingnow.
Lester?
Hadtobe,andColinfeltanothersurgeofadrenaline.Lesterwasatthebungalow.Hadn’tevenchangedhisclothes…
Afewsecondslater,Lesterturnedaroundandwalkedbackinside,thefrontdoorclosingbehindhim.
“Isithim?”Evanwhispered.
“Yeah,”Colinsaid.“It’shim.”
“Andyou’llcallMargolisnow,right?Likeyousaidyouwould?”
“Okay,”Colinsaid.
Onthephone,aftercursingColinroundlyforwithholdinginformation,Margolissnappedthathewasonhiswayandwouldbethereassoonashecould.No,he’dtoldthem,donotfollowLester,oranyoneelseforthatmatter,iftheyleavethehouse.Lethimhandleit,Margolisdemanded,andifColinsomuchasgotoutofthecar,he’dfindareasontoputhimincuffsbecausehewasgettingsickandtiredofColinpretendingheknewwhatthehellhewasdoing.Therewereafewmorechoicewordsaswell,andwhenColindisconnectedthecall,Evanlookedoverathim.
“Iwarnedyouthathewasn’tgoingtobehappy,”Evancommented.
“Okay.”
“Andyoudon’tcare?”
“WhyshouldI?”
“Becausehecanmakeyourlifeevenmoremiserable.”
“OnlyifIdosomethingthatgetsmeintrouble.”
“Likeinterferinginpolicebusiness?”
“I’msittinginmycar.Icalledhimwithinformationheneeded.I’mnotinterfering.I’mapotentialwitness.Hetoldmewhattodo,andI’lldoit.”
Evanshifted.“CanIsitupagain?I’mgettingacramp.”
“Idon’tknowwhyyou’restillhunkereddowninthefirstplace.”
Fortyminuteslater,MargolisrolleduptoColin’scarandpulledtoastop,hissedanidlingintheroad,thepassengerwindowrolleddown.
“IthoughtItoldyoutogetthehelloutofhere,”Margolissaid.
“No,”Colinsaid,“youdidn’t.Youtoldmenottogetoutofthecarorfollowhim.”
“Areyoupurposelytryingtobeasmart-ass?”
“No.”
“Becauseyousoundlikeasmart-ass.Igooutofmywaytopreventyoufromgettingarrestedlastnight,andthenyou‘forget’tomentionthisideaofyoursthismorning?SoyoucanplayMr.LawEnforcementagain?”
“MariatoldyouthatLesterhadtakenheriPhone.They’reeasytotrack.Ifiguredthatyou’dprobablylookedintoitalready.”
TheexpressiononMargolis’sfacerevealedthathe’doverlookedtheobvious.
Recovering,hesnapped,“Believeitornot,myworlddoesn’trevolvearoundyouandyourgirlfriend.Ihaveothercases.Bigcases.Iwasgettingtoit.”
Sureyouwere,Colinthought.“WillyougetMaria’sphone?”
“Ifhehasit.Ihavenoproofthathedoes,otherthanyourword.”
“Asofacoupleofhoursago,itwasstillthere,”Evaninterjected.“IcheckedbeforeIcameouthere.”
MargolisstaredatEvan,hisirritationevident,beforefinallyshakinghishead
“I’llgetherphone,”Margolissaid.“Nowgetgoing.Bothofyou.Idon’tneedyouhere,andIdon’twantyouhere.I’lltakecareofit.”
Herolledupthewindow,releasedthebrake,andletthecardriftforwardbeforefinallypullingtoastopdirectlyinfrontofthebungalow.ColinwatchedasMargolissteppedoutandtookamomenttosurveytheplacebeforefinallyroundingthecarandheadingupthewalkway.
Asheclimbedthestepstotheporch,heturnedtowardColinandjerkedhisthumb,remindingColinitwastimetogo.
Fairenough,Colinthought.Thekeywasstillintheignitionandhecrankedit,onlytohearsilence,theenginecompletelydead.Notevenaclick.Colintriedagainwiththesameresult.Dead.
“Letmeguess,”Evansaid.“Yourcarsucks.”
“Today,maybe.”
“Margolisisn’tgoingtobehappy.”
“There’snothingIcando.”
HewastalkingtoEvanwhilekeepinghisattentionfocusedonMargolis,who’dyettoknockatthedoor.Instead,thedetectivewasatthefarendoftheporch,peeringatthecarparkedinthedrive.Whenheturned,ColinthoughthesawalookofconfusiononMargolis’sfaceasMargolisfinallymovedtothedoor.Hehesitatedbeforeknocking;afteralongpause,Margolisreachedforthedoorknobandturnedit,crackingthedoorslightly.
Someonecallingout,sayingcomeinandthatthedoorwasopen?
Margolisspokethroughthecrack,thenpulledouthisbadgeashepushedthroughthealreadyopendoor,vanishingfromsight…
“Let’sgotomycar,”Evansaid.“WecanbegonebythetimeMargolisgetsout.Iknowhehatesyou,butIdon’twanthimtohateyouanymorethanhealreadydoes.Orme,forthatmatter.Helooksmean.”
Colinsaidnothing.Instead,hewasthinkingabouttheexpressionhe’dseenonMargolis’sfacerightbeforehe’dknockedatthedoor.Margolishadseensomething,somethingthat…didn’tmakesense?Surprisedhim?Somethinghehadn’texpected?
AndwhywouldLesterhaveinvitedhiminifhewasparanoidandafraidofthepolice?
“Something’swrong,”Colinsaid,thethoughtcomingautomatically,evenbeforeherealizedhe’dsaidit.
Evanlookedoverathim.“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”heasked,andinthatinstant,Colinheardthedistinctivepopofgunfire,loudandexplosive,twoshotsinquicksuccession.
ColinwasalreadyreachingforthedoorwhenMargolisflewbackoutofthedoorway,hisjacketandshirtsoakedinblood,hishandonhisneck.Hestumbledofftheporch,fallingbackwardontothestepsandslidingdownontothewalkway.
Bythen,Colinwasalreadyoutofthecar…operatingoninstinct…runningtowardMargolis…acceleratingwitheverystep…watchingMargolisashewrithedontheground.
Lestersteppedontotheporch,screamingincoherently,holdingagun.Heraisedit,pointingitatMargolis.Lester’sfaceheldbothfearandanger,hishandonthegunshaking.Lesterscreamedagainandloweredthegunbeforeraisingitoncemore…
Colincontinuedhissprinttowardthebungalow,cuttingacrosstheneighbor’slawn,hurdlingasmallbush,closinginontheporch.OnLester.Zeroingin.Afewmoreseconds.
LestercontinuedtoaimthegunatMargoliswithoutpullingthetrigger.Hisfacewasred,hiseyesbloodshot.Outofcontrol.ScreamingatMargolis:It’snotmyfault!andIdidn’tdoanything!andI’mnotgoingbacktojail!andIknowwhatMariaisdoing!
Lesterapproachedtheporchsteps,closingthegapbetweenhimandMargolisashecontinuedtoaimthegun,hishandshaking.Taunting.Lester,awareofabluroutofthecornerofhiseye,suddenlyturned,swivelingtheguninColin’sdirection…
Toolate.
Colinlaunchedhimselfovertheporchrailing,armswideashecollidedhardwithLester.Thegunwentflying,wheelingendoverendandlandingontheporch.
ColinoutweighedLesterbyfortypounds,andhefeltLester’sribscrackastheyhittheground.Lesterscreamedinagony,momentarilyparalyzed.
Colinmovedfast,shiftingoffofLester’sbody,hisarmimmediatelywrappingaroundLester’sthroat,thenhelockedthearmdownwiththeoppositehand.Lesterbegantothrashandsquirm,necksandwichedbetweenColin’sbicepsandforearm.ColinappliedhardpressuretothecarotidarteriesinaclassicchokeholdasLestertriedfranticallytoescape.
Withinseconds,Lester’seyesbegantorollback,goingwhite,andallatoncehestoppedmoving.
Colinkeptapplyingthepressure,enoughtokeepLesteroutformorethanafewseconds.Then,scramblingtohisfeet,herushedtoMargolis.
Margoliswasstillbreathingbutnolongermoving,hisfaceachalkywhite,andColintriedtofigureoutwhathewasseeing.He’dbeenshottwice,inthestomachandtheneck,andwaslosingbloodfast.
ColinwhippedoffhisshirtandtoreitinhalfasEvancamerunningup,lookingterrified.
“Holycrap!Whatdowedo?”
“Call911!”Colinshouted,tryingtowillhisownsenseofpanicaway,knowingthatmorethanever,heneededtothinkclearly.“Getanambulance!Now!”
Colinknewnothingaboutgunshotwounds,butifMargoliskeptlosingblood,hehadnochanceatall.Becausetheneckwoundlookedworse,ColinstartedbyapplyingpressuretoMargolis’sneck.Bloodbegantoseepthroughthetornshirtimmediately;hedidthesameforthestomachwound,wherebloodwasstillpulsing,formingagrowingpuddlebeneaththedetective.
Margolis’sfacebegantoturnasicklygray.
HecouldhearEvanshoutingintothephonethatacophadbeenshot,thattheyneededanambulance,now.
“Hurryup,Evan!”Colinshouted.“Ineedyourhelp!”
Evandisconnectedthecall,staringatMargolisasthoughhemightpassout.Fromthecornerofhiseye,ColinsawLesterrollhisheadtotheside.Alreadywaking.
“Grabthecuffs!”hesaid.“MakesureLestercan’tgetaway!”
Evan,stillstaringatMargolis,seemedfrozeninplace.Colincouldfeelthebloodcontinuingtosoakthroughtheremnantsofhisshirt;hecouldfeelthewarmthinhishand,hisfingersredandslick.
“Evan!”Colinshouted.“Cuffs!OnMargolis’sbelt!Now!”
Evanshookhisheadandbeganfumblingwiththecuffs.
“Andthengetbackhereasfastasyoucan!”Colinshouted.“Ineedyourhelp!”
EvanhurriedovertoLesterandslappedonecuffonLester’swristandthendraggedLester’sbodyclosertotherail,slappingtheothercuffaroundapost.Lestermoaned,comingtoasEvanrushedback.EvanfelltohiskneesnearMargolis,hiseyeswide.
“WhatdoIdo?”
“Takeoverthestomachwound…wheremyhandis.Andpresshard!”
Thoughthebloodlosswasdefinitelyslowing,Margolis’sbreathinghadgrownshallower…
EvandidashewastoldandColinusedbothhandsontheneckwound,andsecondslater,Colinheardthefirstofthesirens.Thenagrowingchorusofthem,andwhilehewilledthemtogetherefaster,allhecouldthinkwasDon’tdieonme.Whateveryoudo,don’tdie…
Ontheporch,Lestermoanedagainandhiseyesfinallyblinkedopen,unfocused.
Asheriff’sdeputywasthefirsttoarrive,followedquicklybyanofficerfromtheShallottepolicedepartment,bothcomingtoscreechinghaltsinthemiddleofthestreet,lightsflashing.Bothmenjumpedoutoftheircarsandrushedtowardthem,gunsdrawn,uncertainwhattodo.
“DetectiveMargolishasbeenshot!”Colinshoutedastheyapproached.“Theguycuffedtotherailingwastheonewhoshothim!”BoththedeputyandtheofficerlookedtowardtheporchandColinforcedasteadinessinhistone.“Thegun’sstillupthere.Wecan’tletthesewoundsgo.Andmakesuretheambulanceiscoming—he’slostalotofbloodandI’mnotsurehowmuchlongerhecanholdon!”
Theofficerapproachedtheporchwhilethedeputyranbacktohiscarandshoutedintotheradiothatanofficerwasdown,demandingthattheambulancehurry.BothColinandEvankepttheirfocusonthewounds;Evanhadrecoveredenoughforsomecolortohavereturnedtohischeeks.
Minuteslater,theambulancearrivedandacoupleofparamedicshoppedoutandgrabbedthestretcher.Moresheriff’sdeputieshadarrivedbythen,alongwithadditionalpoliceofficers,thestreetoutfrontnowcrowdedwithvehicles.
WhentheparamedicsfinallytookoverforColinandEvan,Margoliswaslookingevenworse.Hewasnonresponsiveandbarelybreathingbythetimehewasplacedonthestretcher.Theparamedicsweremovingquickly;thestretcherwasloadedintothebackandoneoftheparamedicshoppedbehindthewheelwhiletheotherstayedwithMargolis.Bythetimeitwasrollingforward,theambulancehadapoliceandsheriffescort,sirensblaring,andonlythendidtheworldstartslowlycomingbackintofocus.
Colincouldfeeltheshakinessinhislimbs,thenervesbeginningtosubside.Hishandsandwristswerecoatedwiththesyrupyfeelofdryingblood;Evan’sshirtlookedasthoughithadbeenpartiallydippedinavatofreddye.Evanwanderedoff,bentover,andvomited.
Oneofthedeputieswenttohistrunk,returningwithacoupleofplainwhiteT-shirts,andhandedonetoColin,theothertoEvan.EvenbeforeColingavehisstatement,hewasalreadyreachingforhisphonetocallMariaandtellherwhathadhappened.
Butashespoke,allhecouldthinkaboutwasMargolis.
Overthenexthour,astheskydimmedandfinallywentblack,anevenlargercrowdofpoliceofficersandsheriff’sdeputieshaddescendedonthebungalow,aswellasadetectivefromWilmingtonandthecountysheriff.
Lesterwasdelusionalandargumentative,screaminggibberishandresistingarrestbeforefinallybeingsecuredinthebackofasquadcarandsentonhiswaytojail.
Colinofferedastatementtothesheriff,apoliceofficerfromShallotte,andDetectiveWrightfromWilmington,allthreeaskingquestionsatvarioustimes,thenEvandidthesame.BothadmittedthattheyhadnoideawhathadhappenedonceMargolishadenteredthehouse,onlythathehadn’tbeenintherelongbeforethegunfiresounded.ColinalsotoldthemthatLestercouldhavefinishedoffMargolis,buthadn’t.
Later,afterheandEvanhadbeenclearedtoleave,ColincalledMariatotellherthathewasheadinghometochangebutwantedLilytodrivehertothehospitalsoMariacouldmeethimthere.Ashewastalkingtoher,heoverheardanearbyofficertellDetectiveWrightandthesheriffthatthehousewasotherwiseempty,andthatLesterappearedtohavebeenlivingalone.
AfterendingthecallwithMaria,Colinstaredatthebungalow,wonderingwhereAtkinsonhadbeenstaying.Andwhy,again,ifLesterwassoparanoid,he’dletMargolisintothehouseinthefirstplace.
“Youreadytogo?”Evanasked,interruptinghisthoughts.“Ineedtoshowerandchangeandjustgetthehelloutofhere.”
“Yeah,”Colinsaid,“okay.”
“Whatdoyouwanttodoaboutyourcar?”
Colinlookedoveratit.“Let’sdealwithitlater.Rightnow,Idon’thavetheenergytocare.”
Evanmusthaveseensomethinginhisexpression.“Areyousurethatgoingtothehospitalissuchagoodidea?”
ForColin,itfeltlikelessofachoicethanarequirement.“IwanttoknowifMargolisisgoingtobeallright.”CHAPTER28
Maria
SinceColin’sphonecall,Maria’smindhadbeenracing,tryingtopiecetogethereverythingthathadhappened.
ColintrackingdownLester.LestershootingMargolis.LesteraimingthegunatColin.ColintakingLesterdown.ColinandEvantryingtosavethedetective’slife.Margolisbeingloadedintotheambulance.Lesterresistingarrest,screamingthatheknewwhatMariahaddone.
Lester.
She’dknownallalongthatitwasLester,thathewastheonetoworryabout,andshekeptremindingherselfthathewasbehindbarsnow.Thistime,hehadn’tvanishedorsimplyrunoff;thistime,they’dcaughthim,andhe’dshotacopandtherewasnowayhecouldgettoher.
WhataboutAtkinson?avoiceinsideherasked.
Shedidn’twanttothinkaboutthat.Stillwasn’tsurewhattomakeofit.Itstilldidn’tseemtofit…
Toomuch.Whathadjusthappenedwasoverwhelmingenough;thefactthatColinandEvanhadbeeninthemiddlewasnearlytoomuchtoprocess.
Lily,Mariathought,wasexperiencingthesamewildflowofemotions;sincethey’darrivedatthehospitalafewminutesearlier,she’dbarelyspokenandcontinuallyscannedtheparkinglot,watchingforEvan’scar.MariahadthesensethatLilyneededtoseeandtouchandholdherfiancé,asiftoprovetoherselfthatEvanwasreallyandtrulyokay.
AndColin…
Ofcoursehe’dfoundLesteronhisown;ofcoursehe’drushedtowardLesterwhilethegunwaspointedinhisdirection;ofcoursehe’dtakenLesterdownwithoutgettinghurtintheprocess.Andnow,ofcourse,Lesterwaslockedaway,andwhileshefeltrelief,therewasangerinthefeelingaswell.Worry,too,forMargolis,andshehadtroubleunderstandinghowLesterhadgottenthebetterofhim.She’dtoldMargolisthatLesterwasdangerous;she’dtoldhimhehadagun.Sowhyhadn’tMargolislistenedtoher?Whyhadn’thebeenmorecautious?Howcouldhehavegottenshot?Mariadidn’tknow,nordidColin.Whentheyhadspokenearlier,Colinhadsaidthathewasn’tsureMargoliswouldsurvivetheridetothehospital.ButMargolismusthavesurvived,shethought.Whileshe’dbeenwaitingwithLily,halfadozenofficershadenteredthehospitalandnonehadcomeout,whichmeanthewasstillalive,right?
Shewastooafraidtoask.
BythetimeEvan’scarfinallypulledintothelot,Mariacouldbarelykeepherthoughtsstraight.ShefollowedLilytowardthecar,andassoonasColinsteppedoutsheputherarmsaroundhimandheldhimclose.
Thefourofthemmadetheirwayintothehospital,gotdirections,andtooktheelevatortothesecondfloor.Theyweredirecteddownthecorridortothesurgicalwaitingarea,whichwascrowdedwithlawenforcementpersonnelaswellasafewpeoplewholookedtobefriendsorfamily.Somberandgrimfacesmomentarilyturnedtheirway.
EvansteppedclosertoColin.“Maybeweshouldn’tbehere,”hesuggested.
Colin’sfaceshowednothing.“Hewouldn’thavebeenshotifIhadn’tcalledhim.”
“It’snotyourfault,”Evansaid.
“He’sright,Colin,”Lilyadded.“Lesterdidthis,notyou.”
Despitetheirwords,MariaknewthatColinwasstilltryingtoconvincehimselfofthesamething,butcouldn’tquitebringhimselftobelieveit.
“Fine,”Evansaid.“DoyouseeanyonewecanaskaboutMargolis’scondition?Idon’tseeanurse…”
“Overthere,”Colinsaid,noddingtowardamaninhisfortieswithcroppedgrayhair.Themansawthemaswellandheadedtheirway.
“Who’sthat?”Mariawhispered.
“DetectiveWright,”Colinsaid.“Hewasoneofthepeoplewhotookmystatementearlier.Evan’s,too.”
WhenWrightapproached,heofferedhishandandbothColinandEvanshookit.“Ididn’texpecttoseeyouhere,”Wrightoffered.
“Ihadtoknowhowhe’sdoing,”Colinsaid.
“Ijustgothereafewminutesago,butsofar,therehaven’tbeenanyupdatesfromthesurgeonyet,otherthanthathe’sstillhanginginthere.Asyouknow,hewasinprettybadshapewhenhearrived.”WhenColinnodded,Wrightmotionedtowardanotherareaoftheroom.“Iknowthatyou’vebeenthroughalotalready,”Wrightwenton,“butIwaswonderingifyou’dstickaroundforafewminutes.Someone’sbeenaskingforyou.Shewantstotalktoyou.”
“Who?”Colinasked.
“Pete’swife,Rachel.”
MariawatchedasColin’sexpressionwentneutral.“I’mnotsurethat’sagoodidea.”
“Please,”Wrightsaid.“It’sclearlyimportanttoher.”
IttookColinamomenttoanswer.“Okay,”hesaid.
Wrightturned,headingtowardthefarsideoftheroom,stoppingwhenhereachedanattractivebrown-hairedwomanwhowassurroundedbyhalfadozenpeople.HenoddedtowardColinandEvan.RachelMargolisimmediatelyexcusedherselffromthegroupandstartedtowardthem.Assheapproached,itwascleartoMariathatthewomanhadbeencrying.Hereyeswerebloodshot,hermascaraslightlysmeared;sheseemedtobebarelyholdingittogether.
WrightmadetheintroductionsandRachelofferedabriefsmilethatheldnothingbutsadness.
“Larrytoldmethatyouhelpedsavemyhusband’slife,”Rachelsaid.
“I’mreallysorryforwhathappenedtohim,”Colinsaid.
“Metoo,”shesaid.“Thankyou.AndI…um…”Shesniffedbeforedabbingathereyes.“Ijustwantedtooffermythankstobothofyou.Forthinkingclearly,notpanicking,callingtheambulance.Puttingpressureonthewounds.Theparamedicstoldmethatifyouhadn’tdonewhatyoudid,Petewouldn’thavehadachance.Ifyouhadn’tbeenthere…”Shewasonthevergeoftears,thewordssoheartfeltthatMariafeltatightnessinherthroat.“Again…I…”Shedrewaraggedbreath,tryingtoholdittogether.“AndIwantyoutoknowhe’stough,sohe’sgoingtobeallright.Oneofthetoughestever…”
“Heis,”Colinagreed,butMariahadthesensethatRachelMargolisbarelyheardhim,becauseshe’dreallybeentalkingtoherself.
Theeveningrolledon.MariasatbesideColinastheywaitedfornews.EvanandLilyhadgonetothecafeteriaafewminutesearlier,andMarialistenedastheconversationsgraduallygavewaytomurmursofworry.Peopleinthewaitingroomcameandwent.
Colinremainedquieterthanusual.Everynowandthen,anofficerordetectivewouldcomebytothankhimandshakehishand;thoughhewaspoliteinhisresponses,MariaknewitmadeColinuncomfortablebecausehestillblamedhimselfforwhathadhappened,evenifnooneelseseemedto.
Andyet,thedepthofhisguiltsurprisedher.IthadbeenclearallalongthatColinandMargolisheldnothingbutdisdainforeachother.Itwasaparadoxofsorts,andthoughshewantedtodrawColinoutandgethimtotalkabouthisfeelings,sheknewhewantedtoworkthroughthemalone.Shefinallyleanedtowardhim.
“WillyoubeallrightifIstepouttothehallway?Iwanttocallmyparents.Serena,too.I’msurethey’rewonderingwhat’sgoingon.”
WhenColinnodded,shekissedhimonthecheek,thenleftthewaitingarea,headingdownthecorridortoaquieterspotwhereshehadamodicumofprivacy.Onthephone,herparentssoundedasworriedaseveryoneinthewaitingroomandhaddozensofquestions;towardtheend,hermomsaidthatshe’dmakedinner,andaskedthatMariacomebythehousewithColin,alongwithEvanandLily.Hermomaskedinawaythatmadeithardtosayno,butthatwasokay.Afterallthathadhappened,shewantedtoseeherfamily,too.
Backinthewaitingarea,Colinwasinthesamespotwhereshe’dlefthim.Hestillwasn’ttalkingmuch,butassoonasshesatbesidehim,hereachedforherhand,holdingtight.LilyandEvanreturnedfromthecafeteria,andsoonafterthat,thesurgeonfinallyentered.
Fromwhereshewassitting,MariawatchedasRachelMargoliswalkedtowardhim,DetectiveWrightbyherside.Theroomwentquiet,everyoneworried,everyoneneedingtoknow,anditwasimpossiblenottohearthedoctor,evenfromadistance.
“He’ssurvivedthesurgery,”thedoctorannounced,“butthedamagewasevenmoreextensivethanweexpected.Theprocedurewasalsocomplicatedbysignificantbloodloss,andforawhile,itwastouchandgo.Butrightnow,hisvitalsarestable.Onthelowside,butstable.”
“WhencanIseehim?”RachelMargolisasked.
“Iwanttokeepaneyeonhimforanothercoupleofhours,”thesurgeonhedged.“IfthingskeeponlikeIhopetheywill,Imaybeabletoletyouinforafewminuteslatertonight.”
“Andhe’sgoingtobeokay,right?”
That’sthemillion-dollarquestion,Mariathought.Thesurgeonseemedtohaveexpecteditandcontinuedinthesameprofessionaltone.
“AsIsaid,he’sstabilizedfornow,butyouneedtounderstandthatyourhusband’sstillincriticalcondition.Thenextfewhoursaregoingtotellusquiteabit,andI’mhopingtogiveyouamoredefinitiveanswertomorrow.”
RachelMargolisswallowed.“IjustwanttoknowwhatIshouldtellourboyswhenIgobackhome.”
Boys?Mariathought.Margolishaschildren?
Thesurgeon’svoicesoftened.“Tellthemthetruth.Thattheirfathersurvivedsurgeryandthatyou’llknowsoon.”Hekepthisfocusonher.“Pleaseunderstand,Mrs.Margolis…therewasseveretraumatothetracheaandyourhusbandiscurrentlyonaventilator…”
Mariacouldn’twatchanylongerasthesurgeonbegantogointothedetailsofMargolis’sinjuries.Glancingaway,sheheardColin’svoice.
“Comeon,”hewhispered,nodoubtthinkingthesamethingshewas.“Thedetailsaren’tourbusiness.Let’sletthemhavesomeprivacy.”
MariaandColinstood;EvanandLilyfollowedsuit,andtheylefttheroom.Whentheywereoutside,Mariastoppedandtoldallofthemaboutthecallwithherparentsandwhatthey’dasked.
“Iknowyou’reallprobablyexhaustedandthatyoutwowerejustinthecafeteria,butmymommadeusdinner,and—”
“Okay,”Colinsaid.“Istillneedtogetbacktomycartonight,butthatcanwaitforabit.”
“Youdon’tneedtoexplain,”Evantossedin.“Wegetit.”
MariarodewithColininEvan’scar;EvanandLilyfollowedinLily’scar,andastheypulledtoastopinfrontofthefamily’shouse,Serenawaswaitingforthemoutfront,alongwithherparents.AssoonasMariagotout,Serenaenvelopedherinahug.
“MomandDadhavebeencrazyworriedaboutyouallnight,youknow.Momhasn’tleftthekitchenforhours,andDadkeepscheckingthewindowsanddoors.Areyouholdingupallright?”
“Barely,”Mariaadmitted.
“I’mthinkingthatyou’regoingtoneedaseriouslylongvacationafterthis.”
Despiteeverything,Marialaughed.“Probably.”
AfterSerena,Mariahuggedherparents,thenintroducedEvanandLily.SurprisingMaria—aswellasherparentsandSerena—LilyspokeSpanish,albeitwithaSouthernaccent.Becausethefrontdoorwasstillboardedup,theywentthroughthegarageandintothekitchenbeforetakingtheirseatsatatablethatwassooncoveredwithdishesoffood.
Astheyate,MariatoldherfamilyabouttheirearliermeetingwithMargolis,andColinwalkedthemthroughallthathadhappenedafterthat.HepausedeverycoupleofsentencessoMariacouldtranslateforhermom.Evanaddedfurtherdetails,especiallywhenitcametotheconfrontationwithLester.
“AndLesterisstillinjail,right?”FelixaskedwhenColinhadfinished.“Andhewon’tgetout?”
“Crazyornot,heshotacop,”Evansaid.“I’mnotsurehe’severgoingtogetout.”
Felixnodded.“Good.”
“WhataboutAtkinson?”Serenabrokein.“YousaidhewasworkingwithLester?”
“Idon’tknow.ItwassomethingMargoliswaslookinginto.Supposedlytheykneweachother,butevenso,itjustdoesn’taddup,”Mariaanswered.
“Thenwhoslashedyourtires?”Serenapressed.
“MaybeLesterpaidsomekidtodoitbecauseheknewthehospitalwouldgivehimanalibi.”
“Andthecaratthepark?”
“MaybeLester’sborrowingit.”Mariashrugged.“Idon’tknow.”
“IfAtkinsonisoutthere,whatareyougoingtodo?”
“Idon’tknow,”Mariarepeated,hearingthefrustrationinhertone.Sheknewtherewerestilltoomanyunansweredquestions,evenafterallthis,but…
“LesterwastheoneIwasworriedabout,”shesaid.“He’stheonewhoscaredme,andwhetherhe’sworkingwithAtkinsonornot,theonlythingIknowforsureisthatLestercan’tgettomeanymore,and…”
WhenMariatrailedoff,Serenashookherhead.“I’msorryforaskingsomanyquestions.It’sjustthatI’mstill…”
“Worried,”Felixfinishedforher.
SoamI,Mariathought.AndColinis,too,but—
HerthoughtswereinterruptedbythemuffledringtoneofSerena’sphone.Serenapulleditoutandsentthecalltovoicemail,herexpressionbothhopefulandworried.
“Whowasit?”Felixasked.
“CharlesAlexander,”Serenaanswered.
“It’skindoflateforhimtocall,isn’tit?”Felixasked.“Maybeit’simportant.”
“Icantrytoreachhimtomorrow.”
“No,goaheadandcallhimbacknow,”Mariasaid,thankfulforthedistraction,meaningit.“LikeDadsaid,itmightbeimportant.”Shedidn’twanttothinkaboutAtkinsonanymorethanshewantedtothinkaboutLester,nordidshehavetheenergytoanswerimpossiblequestionsrightnow.Itwasallshecoulddotoprocessthelastfewhours…
Serenahesitatedforasecond,wonderingwhetheritwasreallyokaybeforehittingthecall-backbutton.Thetablewentquietasshewanderedtothekitchenwiththephoneatherear.
“CharlesAlexander?WhyhaveIheardthatnamebefore?”Colinwhispered.
“He’sthedirectorofthescholarshipItoldyouabout,”Mariawhisperedback
“What’sgoingon?”Evanasked,andwhenLilyleanedclosetohear,Mariafilledtheminbriefly.Serena,meanwhile,hadbeguntonod,andwhenshefinallyturned,Mariacouldseehersmile.
“You’reserious?”Serenaasked.“Iwon?”
Mariasawhermomsuddenlyreachforherdad’shand.
Meanwhile,Serenawasgoingon,nolongerabletokeephervoicedown.“Ofcourse,”shesaid.“That’snoproblem…Tomorrownight…seveno’clock…Thankyousomuch…”
WhenSerenaendedthecall,herparentswerelookingattheirdaughterexpectantly.
“Iguessyouheardwhathappened,huh?”
“Congratulations!”Felixsaid,risingfromthetable.“That’sterrific!”Carmenrushedover,talkingabouthowproudshewas,andforthenextfewminutes,ashugswentallaround,theanxietyoverallthathadhappenedwasreplacedbysomethingwonderful,afeelingMarianeverwantedtoend.
Afterdinner,Colin,Evan,andLilysaidtheirgood-byesandwenttofetchColin’scar;CarmenandFelixwerewalkingthedogaroundtheblock.MariaandSerenawereinthekitchendoingthedishes.
“Areyounervousabouttheinterview?”Mariaasked.
Serenanoddedasshedriedaplate.“Alittle.Thereporterissupposedtobebringingaphotographerwithhim.Ihategettingmypicturetaken.”
“Areyoukidding?You’rethequeenofselfies.”
“Selfiesaredifferent.They’reformeormyfriends.It’snotlikeI’mputtingselfiesinthenewspaper.”
“When’sthestorygoingtorun?”
“Hethinksit’llbeMonday,”Serenaanswered.“That’swhenitwillbeofficiallyannounced.”
“Isthereabanquetorpresentation?”
“I’mnotsure,”Serenasaid.“Iforgottoask.Igotalittleexcitedthere.”
MariasmiledassherinsedaplateandhandedittoSerena.“Whenyoudofindout,letmeknow.Iwanttobethere.I’msureMomandDadwillwanttocome,too.”
Serenastackedthedriedplatewiththeothers.“Earlier,whenIwasaskingthosequestions…I’msorryforbeingsopushyaboutit.Iwasn’tthinking.”
“It’sokay,”Mariasaid.“IwishIhadalltheanswers,butIdon’t.”
“Areyougoingtostayhereforawhile?YouknowMomandDadwantyouto.”
“Yeah,Iknow,”shesaid.“Andyes.ButI’llhavetoheadtomyplacelatertogetsomethings.”
“Ithoughtyouwerealreadypacked.BecauseyouweregoingtostayatLily’s.”
“Iwasonlyplanningtostaythereforonenight,soI’llneedsomemoreclothes.Ialsowanttogetmycar.”
“Doyouwantmetodriveyouovernow?”
“No,that’sokay.Colinwilldoitwhenhegetsback.”
“Whenwillthatbe?”
“Idon’tknow.Eleventhirty,maybe?Elevenforty-five?”
“That’slate.Aren’tyoutired?”
“Exhausted,”Mariaadmitted.
“Thenwhydon’tItakeyou—”Serenabegan,thenstoppedherself.SheglancedatMaria.“Oh…nevermind.Igetit.”
“Getwhat?”
“Iagree.YoudefinitelyneedtohaveColindriveyou.ForgetIevenasked.Thatwasdumbofme.”
“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
“Well,knowingthatyou’llbeunderthewatchfuleyeofourhoveringparentsthenextfewdays…andknowingthatColinnotonlyfoundLesterbuttookhimdownandthere’snothingsexyaboutthat…andknowingyouneedtounwindfromanincrediblystressfulday…let’sjustsaythatItotallyunderstandwhyyoumightwantalittletimealonewithhim.”
“ItoldyouIjustneededtograbsomethings.”
“Anythinginparticularyouwanttograb?”
Marialaughed.“Getyourmindoutofthegutter.”
“I’msorry,”shesaid.“Ican’thelpit.Butadmitit.I’mright,aren’tI?”
Mariadidn’trespond,butthenagain,shedidn’thaveto.Theybothalreadyknewtheanswer.CHAPTER29
Colin
WhileLilyheadedbacktoherplaceatthebeach,ColinrodewithEvanfirsttoWalmart—aplacethatwasalwaysopenandhadeverythingheneeded—andthentoShallotte,whereEvanparkedbehindtheCamaro.Colinpoppedopenthehoodandbegantoloosenthebatteryclamps.
“Whydoyouthinkit’sthebattery?Yourcar’shadtroublestartingforalongtime.”
“Idon’tknowwhatelseitcouldbe.I’vechangedouttheignitionswitchandthealternator.”
“Shouldn’tyouhavetriedchangingthebatteryfirst?”
“Idid,”Colinsaid.“Iputanewoneinafewmonthsago.Maybeit’salemon.”
“Justsoyouknow,I’mnotdrivingyoubackoutheretomorrowifthisdoesn’twork.I’mgoingtoLily’s,andthetwoofusaregoingtospendalldaytomorrowinbed.Iwanttoseehowwellthiswholeme-being-a-herothingworksout.I’mthinkingshe’llfindmeevenmoreattractivethanshealreadydoes.”
Colinsmiledasheloosenedtheclamps,thenslidtheoldbatteryoutandpoppedthenewonein.
“I’vebeenmeaningtoaskyousomething,”Evancontinued.“Andremember,thisiscomingfromsomeonewho’sseenyoudoalotofdumbthings.Buttoday?IhavenoideahowyouwereabletoevengettoLesterinthefirstplace.Fromthelawn?Overtherailings?Goingairbornelikeyoudid?Andmeanwhile,he’saimingthegun,andjustsoyouknow,itsortofmakesmequestionyoursanity.Whatonearthwereyouthinking?”
“Iwasn’tthinking.”
“That’swhatIfigured.That’sjustoneofyourmanyproblems.Youreallyshouldstartthinkingbeforeyouact.Itoldyoubeforehandnottogointhefirstplace.”
Colinlookedup.“Yourpointis?”
“Mypointisthatdespiteyourstupidityandpossibleinsanity,Iwasactuallykindofproudofyoutoday.AndnotjustbecauseyouendedupsavingMargolis’slife.”
“Why?”
“Becauseyoudidn’tkillLesterwhenyouhadthechance.Youcouldhavesmashedhimintopiecesorchokedthelifeoutofhim.Butyoudidn’t.”
Colinfinishedtighteningtheclamps.“You’resayingthatyou’reproudofmebecauseIdidn’tkillhim?”
“That’sexactlywhatI’msaying,”Evansaid.“Especiallysinceyouprobablycouldhavegottenawaywithit.He’dshotacop.Hewasarmedanddangerous.Ican’tseeanyonebringingyouuponchargesifyou’dgottenalittletoocarriedaway.Somyquestiontoyouiswhydidn’tyoukillhim?”
Colinthoughtaboutitbeforefinallyshakinghishead.“Idon’tknow.”
“Well,whenyoudoknow,letmeknow.Forme,theanswer’sobvious,sinceI’dneverkillanyone.It’snotinmynature.Iwouldn’tbeabletodoit,butyou’redifferent.Andifyou’recurious,IalsohavetotellyouthatIrespectthisversionofColinawholelotmorethanIdidtheoldone.”
“You’vealwaysrespectedme.”
“I’vealwayslikedyou,butI’vealwaysbeenalittleafraidofyou,too,”Evansaid.“There’sadifference.”Hepointedtothebattery,wantingtodropthesubject.“Readytogiveitawhirl?”
Colinroundedthecarandclimbedbehindthewheel.Hewasn’tsurewhattoexpectandwassurprisedwhentheCamarofiredupwiththefirstturnofthekey.Atthatmomenthefoundhiseyesdrawntothebungalow,notingthathalftheyardwascircledwithpolicetape,aswastheporch.
“Andthereitis,”Evansaid.“Youknowit’llprobablybreakdownonyourwaytoMaria’s.Justtospiteyou.Andtrytostayoutoftrouble,okay?Itseemstobefollowingyouaroundlately.”
Colindidn’tanswer;insteadhecontinuedtostareatthebungalow,andittookhimafewsecondstorealizethatsomethinghadchangedsincehe’dleft.Orrather,somethingwasmissing.Itwaspossible,hethought,thatthepolicehadimpoundeditbecauseitwasevidence.Maybethere’dbeenbloodsplatters,ormaybeoneoftheshotshadhititandthepoliceneededthebulletforballisticstesting…
“Areyoulisteningtome?”Evanasked.
“No.”
“Whatareyoustaringat?”
“YouknowthosequestionsthatSerenawasasking?”Colinsaid,avoidingthequestion.“TheonesaboutwhetherAtkinsonispartofthis?”
“Iremember.Why?”
“Ithinkthere’sastrongpossibilitythatheis.”
“Becausehiscarwasnearthepark?AndLestercouldn’thaveslashedhertires?”
“Notjustforthosereasons.I’mthinkingaboutthecarIsawearlier,theoneinthebungalowdriveway.”
Evanturned,thentookastepbackward,improvinghisangle.“Whatcar?”hefinallyasked.
“Exactly,”Colinsaid,continuingtoponderit.“It’sgone.”
ColinreturnedtotheSanchezplaceafewminutesbeforemidnight.Mariawassittingwithherparentsinthelivingroom,andColinwatchedasshestood.ShesaidsomethinginSpanishtohermom—mostlikelythatshe’dbebacksoon—andwalkedwithColinouttothecar.
“Where’sSerena?”
“Shewenttobed.”
“She’sstayinghere,too?”
“Justfortonight.Myparentstoldmetotellyouthatyou’rewelcometostay,too.Ofcourse,sinceyou’dhavetosleeponthecouch,Itoldthemyou’dprobablyrathergohome.”
“Youcouldjoinme.”
“It’stempting,”shesaid.“But…”
“Noworries,”hesaid.Whentheyreachedhiscar,heopenedthedoorforher.
“Whatwaswrongwithyourcar,bytheway?”sheaskedassheslidin.
“Thebattery,”hesaid.
“SoIwasright,huh?Iguessthatmeansyoushouldlistentomemoreoften.”
“Okay.”
Astheyweredrivingtohercondo,Colintoldheraboutthemissingcar.
“Maybethepolicetookit.”
“Maybe.”
“DoyouthinkAtkinsoncamebackforit?”
“Idon’tknow.IfigureI’llcallDetectiveWrighttomorrow.Theymaynottellme,butconsideringthatIkeptMargolisaliveuntiltheambulancecame,Ihopetheywill.Eitherway,theyshouldknow.”
Sheturnedtowardthewindowastheynavigatedthelargelyemptyroads.“Istillcan’tbelievethatLestershothim.”
“Ifyouwerethere,you’dbelieveit.Hewasoutofcontrol.Likehesnapped.”
“Doyouthinkthey’llgetanyanswersfromhim?”
Colinconsideredit.“Yes.Oncehe’slucidagain.Ihavenoideahowlongthatwilltake,though.”
“Iknowhecan’tgettome,but…”
MariastoppedshortofsayingAtkinson’sname,butthenagain,shedidn’thaveto.Colinwasn’ttakinganychances.HetookacircuitousroutebacktoMaria’scondo,alerttoanysuspiciouscars.Mariaknewwhathewasdoingandmadenoobjection.
Itwasjustaftermidnightwhentheypulledintoaspacereservedforvisitorsathercondocomplex.Colinstayedalerttoanymovement,butallwasquietastheyclimbedthestepstoherdoor.
There,however,ColinandMariafroze.
Theybothsawinthesameinstantthatthedoorknobhadbeenbrokenoff,andthatthedoorstoodpartlyajar.
Herplacehadbeentrashed.
AsColinwatchedMariawanderaroundinadaze,cryingnonstopandsurveyingthedamage,hisownoutragecontinuedtogrow.
Couches,chairs,andpillowsslashedopen.Thediningroomtableoverturned.Diningroomchairstiltedonbrokenlegs.Lampsshattered.Photographstorn.Thecontentsoftherefrigeratorsplatteredandsmearedthroughoutthekitchen.Herthings.Herhome.Violated.Shredded.Ruined.
Inthebedroom,hermattresshadbeentornopen,thebureauknockedoveranddrawersbroken,anotherlampshattered.Emptycansofredspraypaintlitteredthefloorandvirtuallyeverypieceofclothinginherclosethadbeenmarkedbythepaint.
This,Colinthought,waswhatragelookedlike.WhoeverdidthiswasasoutofcontrolasLester,maybemoreso,andthefuryColinfeltwasgettingdifficulttocontrol.Hewantedtohurttheguy,killtheguy…
Besidehim,Mariagasped,hersobsbecomingevenmorehysterical,andColinputhisarmsaroundherwhenhespottedthewordsthathadbeenpaintedonthebedroomwall.
Youwillknowhowitfeels.
Colincalled911,thenDetectiveWright.Hehadn’texpectedananswer,butWrightansweredonthesecondring.AfterColintoldhimwhathadhappened,Wrightsaidhe’dheadrightover,thathewantedtoseethedamageforhimself.
AtMaria’srequest,Colinalsocalledherparents,andwhiletheyinsistedtheywouldcomeover,Mariakeptshakingherhead.Colinunderstood.Hereandnow,Mariacouldn’tdealwiththeirfearsandworries,notontopofallthis.Shewasbarelyholdingittogetherasitwas.Hetoldherparentsthatsheneededtotalktothepolice,andletthemknowthathe’dkeephersafe.
TwoofficersarrivedwithinafewminutesandtookMaria’sstatement,whichwasn’tmuch.Therewasmoreluck,though,withoneoftheneighborswho’dcomeouttoseewhatwasgoingon.Colinlistenedastheguywholivednextdoorsaidthathe’dreturnedtohisplaceonlyacoupleofhoursearlier,andwascertainthatthedoorhadn’tbeenajar.Hewouldhaveseenthelights.No,hesaid,hehadn’theardanything,otherthanmusic,whichhenotedhadbeenturneduploud.He’dconsideredcomingovertoaskthatitbeturneddown,butithadstoppedsoonafterthat.
AfterMariahadregainedasemblanceofcomposure,Wrightreviewedherandtheneighbor’sstatementswiththeofficers;hethenspokewithMariaandColin.Mariahadtroublekeepingherthoughtsstraight.Colinrehashedmostofwhathe’dtoldWrightearlierinShallotte,allthewhilefightingtheurgetohitsomething.
ColinwantedtofindAtkinson,evenmorethanhe’dwantedtofindLester.
Andhewantedtokillhim.
Itwasalmosttwoa.m.whenWrightsaidtheycouldgo,andhewalkedwiththemtoColin’scar.Maria,Colinknew,wasn’tinanyshapetodrive,andshedidn’targue.Whentheyreachedthecar,Wrighthelduphishand.HestaredatColininmuchthesamewayMargolisdid.
“Holdon,”hesaid.“Idon’tknowwhyIdidn’trealizeitearlier,butIfinallyfiguredoutwhoyouare,”hesaid.
“WhoamI?”
“You’retheguyPetethinksshouldbeinprison.Theguywhogetsinallthosefights.Beatsthecrapoutofpeople.”
“Notanymore.”
“LesterManningmighthaveadifferentopinionaboutthat.NotthatIgiveacrapwhatLesterManningthinks.”
“Doyouknowwhenthepolicewillbedoneinthere?”Mariaasked.“AndwhenIcangetbackin?”
“Asidefromvandalism,it’snototherwiseacrimescene,”Wrightanswered.“Buttheforensicsguystaketheirtime.I’dguessthatyouwon’tbeabletogetbackinuntilmidmorningtomorrowattheearliest.I’llletyouknowforsurewhenyoucan,okay?”
Marianodded.Colinwishedthereweresomethingmorehecoulddoforher,butstill…
“Doyouknowiftheyimpoundedthecarthatwasatthebungalow?”heasked.“TheonewhereMargoliswasshot?”
Wrightfrowned.“Ihavenoidea.Why?”
Colintoldhim.
Wrightshrugged.“Seemslikelythattheywouldimpoundit.I’llseewhatIcanfindout,though.”HeturnedtowardMaria,thenbacktoColin.“Iknowyou’rebothexhaustedandIknowyouwanttogetoutofhere,butdoyouhappentoknowthenameofthedetectiveinCharlottethatPetewasworkingwith?”
“No,”Colinsaid.“Hedidn’tmentionhisname.”
“That’sokay.I’lldosomedigging.Itwon’tbehardtofindtheanswer.Onelastquestion:Wheredoyouintendtogotonight?”
“Tomyparents’,”Mariaanswered.“Why?”
“Ifigured,”Wrightsaid.“That’swhyIwantedtoask.Aftersomethinglikethishappens,peopleusuallygotoafriend’splace,ortotheirfamily.Ifyouwantmyopinion,I’mnotsosurethat’sagoodidea.”
“Whynot?”
“Becauserightnow,Idon’tknowwhatthisguyAtkinsoniscapableofdoing,anditmakesmenervous.He’sclearlygotitoutforyou,andfromwhatIsawinside,he’snotonlydangerousbutangryandontherampage.Youmightconsidergoingsomeplaceelsetonight.”
“Likewhere?”
“HowaboutsomewhereliketheHilton?IknowsomepeoplethereandI’msureIcangetyouaroom,alongwithpoliceprotection.Evenifit’sonlyfortonight.It’sbeenquiteadayandbothofyouneedtotrytogetsomerest.I’mnotsayinganythingwillhappen,butbesttobecautious,youknow?”
Maria’svoicewasquiet.“Margolissaidthattheyweren’tabletoofferpoliceprotection.”
“Iwastalkingaboutme.I’llwatchyourroomtonight.I’mofftheclock,sonobigdeal.”
“Whywouldyoudothat?”Colinasked.
WrightturnedtowardColinandsaidsimply,“Becauseyousavedmyfriend’slife.”CHAPTER30
Maria
Inthecar,Mariacalledherparentswiththenews,thenabsentlywatchedthedetective’ssedanoutfrontasitledthewaytothehotel,whichwasonlyafewblocksfromhercondo.
Wrightmusthavemadethearrangementsintheshorttimetheyweredriving,becausethekeywaswaitingatthefrontdesk.Herodewiththemintheelevatorandwalkedwiththemtotheendofthecorridor,whereafoldingchairwasalreadypositionedjustoutsidethedoor.Hehandedthemtheroomkey.
“I’llbehereaslongasyouare,sonoworries.”
Itwasn’tuntilsheslippedintobedbesideColinthatMariarealizedhowexhaustedshewas.Acoupleofhoursearlier,she’dimaginedmakinglove,butshewastoodepletedforthatandColinseemedtobefeelingexactlythesameway.Instead,sherestedherarmonhisshoulder,curlingcloseandfeelinghiswarmthuntilallatonce,everythingwentblack.
Whenhereyesfinallyopened,sunlightwasalreadystreamingthroughthecrackintheblinds.Rollingover,shenoticedColinwasn’tbesideher,andshesawhimbrushinghisteethinthebathroom.Glancingattheclock,shewassurprisedtoseethatitwasalmosteleven.Shesatupwithastart,thinkingherparentswereprobablygoingcrazy.
ShereachedforherphoneandsawatextfromSerena.
Colincalledandsaidyouweresleeping,andhetoldmewhathappened.Cometothehouseafteryouwakeup.Dad’stakencareofeverything!
Mariafurrowedherbrow.“Colin?”shecalledout.
“Holdon,”hemumbled,pokinghisheadthroughthedoorway,andshesawamouthfulloftoothpaste,alongwithsomeonhisfinger.Herinsedhismouthandsteppedintothemainpartoftheroom,movingtowardthebed.
“Didyouuseyourfingertobrushyourteeth?”
Hesatbesideher.“Ididn’tbringatoothbrush.”
“Youcouldhaveusedmine.”
“Germs,”hesaidwithawink.“Yousleptlate.Ialreadycalledyourparents.”
“Iknow.Serenatexted.What’sgoingon?”
“I’llletyoubesurprised.”
“I’mnotsureI’mreadyforanymoresurprises.”
“You’lllikethisone.”
“Howlonghaveyoubeenup?”
“Acoupleofhours.ButIdidn’tgetoutofbeduntiltwentyminutesago.”
“Whatwereyoudoing?”
“Thinking.”
TherewasnoreasontoaskAboutwhat?Shealreadyknewtheanswer,andaftertheyshoweredtogether,theydressedandpacked.Steppingoutthedoor,theysawWrightsittinginthefoldingchair.
“Wouldyoutwomindifwegetacupofcoffee?”heasked.
“Forstarters,”Wrightbegan,“yourapartmenthasbeenclearedforreentry.Forensicsleftearlierthismorningandthey’redone.Ifiguredyou’dwanttoknowincaseyouneededtograbanything.Clothesortoiletriesorwhatever.”
Ifthere’sanythingleftthatIevenwant,Mariathought.“Didtheyfindanything?”
“Noclearevidencewasleftbehind,exceptforthepaintcans,andtherewerenofingerprintsonthose.Atkinsonmusthaveworngloves.Asforhairsamples,that’lltakealittlelonger,butnoguarantees.Hairsampleanalysisisalwaystricky,unlessthere’sDNAfromtheroot.”
Marianodded,tryingtoforceawaytheimagesshe’dseenthenightbefore.
“Ialsomadesomeothercallsthismorning,”Wrightsaid,stirringsugarandcreamintohiscoffee.Marianotedthebagsunderhisbloodshoteyes.“Asofyet,noonehasbeenabletotalktoLester.Hehadn’tbeenatthestationfortenminutesbeforehisattorneyshowedup,andashortwhileafterthat,hisfatherappeared,too,andmadethesamedemandsthattheattorneywasmaking.Notthattheywereabletotalktohim,either.Bythen,LesterManningwasstrappedtoagurneyintheinfirmary,onpsychiatrichold.Andhe’sstillsedated.Thegeneralconsensusisthathe’snuttierthananalmondtree.Accordingtotheofficers,assoonashesawthecell,hewentbonkers.”
“Howso?”
“Screaming.Fightingwiththeofficers.Tryingtobitetheofficers.Andoncetheygothiminthere,hestartedkickingatthedoors,banginghisheadonthewall.Crazystuff.Evenscaredtheotherprisoners,sohehadtobemovedout.Adoctorwascalledin,whogavehimsomethingtocalmhimdown.Ittookfiveofficerstorestrainhim,andthatwaswhentheattorneyshowedup.He’sclaimingallsortsofcivilrightsviolations,butit’salloncamera,sonoone’sworriedaboutLesterhavingsomesortofcasethatmightspringhim.Iwantedyoutoknowthatrightupfront.That’snotgoingtohappen,nomatterwhathisattorneymightsay.Heshotacop.Anyway,thepointis,noone’sbeenabletotalktohimyet.”
Marianodded,feelingnumb.“How’s…?”
“Pete?”Wrightasked.“Hemadeitthroughthenight.He’sstillincriticalcondition,buthe’sstablefornowandhisvitalsareimproving.Hiswifeishopefulthathe’llregainconsciousnesssometimetoday—thesurgeonsaiditwaspossible—butwe’restillinawait-and-seemodeonthatfront.Rachelwasabletospendsometimewithhimthismorning.Theirboys,too.Ofcourse,itwasscaryforthem.They’reonlynineandeleven,andhe’stheirhero,youknow?Aftercoffee,I’llheadoverthere,seeifIcansitwithhimabit,orattheveryleast,sitwithRachel.”WhenMariadidn’trespond,Wrightrotatedhiscoffeecupinplace.“Ialsolookedintothecarthatwasatthebungalow.Irememberseeingit,too,andtoanswerthequestionfromlastnight,theShallottepolicedidnotimpoundthevehicle.Nordidthesheriff’sdepartment.WhichmeansthatAtkinsonshowedupafterthepolicehadlefttoretrieveit.”
“Maybe,”Colinsaid.
“Maybe?”Wrightasked.
“Hemayhavebeenthereallalong.MaybeheduckedoutthebackwhenEvanandIweretryingtosaveMargolis.Hehidoutforawhile,thencameback.ThatalsomightexplainhowMargolisgotshotinthefirstplace.Hewentinexpectingoneperson,andthenwassurprisedbytwo.”
WrightstudiedColin.“WhenPetetalkedaboutyou,”hesaid,“Ididn’tgetthesensehelikedyouverymuch.”
“Idon’tlikehim,either.”
Wrightraisedaneyebrow.“Thenwhydidyousavehim?”
“Hedidn’tdeservetodie.”
WrightturnedtoMaria.“Ishealwayslikethis?”
“Yes,”sheansweredwithawrysmile,thenswitchedgears.“Istilldon’tseehoworwhyLesterandAtkinsonareworkingtogethertotargetme—”
“There’smore,”hesaid,liftinghispalmtostopher.“That’stheotherthingIwantedtotalktoyouabout.IspoketothedetectiveinCharlottethatPetewasworkingwith.Hisname’sTonyRoberts,bytheway,andwhenIfilledhiminonwhathappenedtoPete,hetoldmethatPetehadcalledhimyesterday,butthathehadn’tbeenabletocheckoutAtkinsonyet.Ofcourse,thisputtherequestonawholenewlevel,andhecalledAtkinson’smother,pickedherup,andwenttoAtkinson’sapartment.Shewasabletoconvincethemanagertolethimin.There’sstillamissingpersonsreportonfile,evenifupuntilnow,noonehadbelievedher,andshe’sthenextofkin.Thepointis,shewasmorethanhappytoletRobertshelpfindherson,andIguessthatwhenRobertsgotthere,hehitthejackpot.Itjustwasn’tinthewaythemomwanted.ItturnsoutthatAtkinson’slaptopwasstillthere,andRobertswasabletoaccessit.”
“And?”
HelookedatMaria.“Hehadfilesaboutyou.Tonsofinformation.Backgroundinformation,schoolrecords,informationaboutyourfamily,whereyouliveandwork,yourdailyschedule.HeevenhadinformationaboutColininthere.Photographs,too.”
“Hehadphotographs?”
“Hundreds.Walking,atthestore,onthepaddleboard.Evenwhileyouwereworking.Itseemshe’sbeenwatchingandfollowingyouforquitealongtime.Spyingonyou.Robertsremovedthelaptopasevidence,overMrs.Atkinson’ssuddenvehementprotests.Assoonasshesawwhatwasonit,shetriedtowithdrawherconsenttoentertheplace,butbythenitwastoolate,andRobertshaditinhand.Defenselawyerswouldlikelyraiseastink,buttherewasamissingpersonsreport,shegaveherconsent,andtheevidencewasinplainsight.Roberts,though,wasbetterthanthat—heletmeknowhe’dactuallyrecordedhersayingthatshewantedhimtoaccessthecomputer.Withthatsaid,oncewegetLestertotalk,it’llprobablybeamootpointanyway.Lawyerornot,he’llenduptalking.Thecrazyonesusuallyendupspillingeverything,especiallyoncetheygetlucid,becauseguiltsetsin.”
Mariawasn’tsurethatwastrue,but…“WhydoesAtkinsonwanttohurtme?”
“Thatpart,Ican’tanswerwithcertainty.IcantellyoutherewasinformationaboutCassieManningonthelaptop,too,butyou’realreadyawareofthatlink.”
“DoyouhaveanyideawhereAtkinsonisnow?”
“No.WehaveanAPBoutonhim,butsincenooneseemstoknowwherehe’sbeen,I’mnotsurehowmuchgoodthatwilldo.Again,I’mhopingthatLesterwillbeabletotellusmore,butwhenthatwillbeisstillupintheair.Itmighttakeaday,itmighttakeafewdays,itmighttakeaweek,andthenwe’llstillhavetodealwiththeattorneyandhisfather,bothofwhomwilltellhimnottoansweranyquestionsatall.Whichraisesthequestionofwhereyouwanttobeforthenextfewdays.IfIwereyou,I’mnotsureI’dhangaroundWilmington.”
“I’msupposedtogotomyparents’today,”shesaid.“I’msureI’llbefine.”
Wrightlookeddubious.“It’syourcall,”hesaid.“Justbecareful.FromwhatRobertswastellingme,Atkinsonisnotonlydangerous,he’sprobablyjustascrazyasLester.Soletmegiveyoumyphonenumber.Iwantyoutocallmeifanythingstrikesyouasoutoftheordinaryorsomethingelsecomestoyou,okay?”
IfWright’sintenthadbeentoscareher,ithadworked.Butafterlastnight,Mariawasgoingtobeafraidnomatterwhat,untilAtkinsonwasfinallycaught.
Theygotinthecar,andasColinsetouttowardherparents’hereachedforhisphone.
“Whoareyoucalling?”
“Evan,”hesaid.“Iwanttoseeifhe’sbusytoday.”
“Why?”
“BecauseafterIdropyouoffatyourparents’,I’dliketogobacktoyourplace.Nowthatthepolicehaveclearedit,Iwanttogetitcleanedup.Maybedosomepainting.”
“Youdon’thavetodothat.”
“Iknow,”hesaid.“ButIwantto.Youdon’tneedthatkindofreminderwhenyougohome.AndI’dprobablyendupgoingstir-crazyjustsittingaround.”
“Butit’lltakeallday…”
“Notthatlong.Afewhours,maybe.Yourplaceisn’tthatbig.”
“MaybeIshouldgowithyou.It’snotyourresponsibility.”
“Youdon’tneedthatkindofstress.Andbesides,youshouldbewithyourfamily.”
Hehadapointanditwasakindthingtooffer,butshewasabouttosaynowhenheturnedtowardher.
“Please,”hesaid.“Iwanttodothis.”
Itwashistonethatallowedhertoreluctantlyagree,andColinmadethecall,puttingitonspeaker.Sheprobablyshouldn’thavebeensurprisedthatLilyansweredEvan’sphone.
ColintoldherwhathadhappenedthenightbeforeandaskedifEvanmightbeabletohelphimcarryoutsomeoftheheavierfurniture.Beforeheevenfinished,Lilyhadcuthimoff.
“We’llbothbethere.Donoteventhinkofaskingusnottocome.Wehadnothingonouragendathisafternoonanyway.We’dbethrilledtohelp.”
Inthebackground,MariaheardEvan’svoice.“Helpwithwhat?”
“We’regoingtocleanupMaria’sapartment.AndIhavethecutestshortsI’vebeendyingtowear!They’realittleshortandkindoftight,butthisseemsliketheperfectopportunity.”
Inthebackground,Evanwassilentforabeat.“Whattimearewegoing?”
Whentheyhungup,MarialookedoveratColin.“Ilikeyourfriends.”
“Theyareprettygreat,”heagreed.
Twoblocksbeforetheyreachedherparents’neighborhood,themeaningofSerena’smessagebecameclear.
HeruncleTitowasinthepark,kickingasoccerballwithheruncleJoseandafewofherniecesandnephews,andwhenbothofheruncleswaved,sheknewthatwhattheywerereallydoingwaskeepingwatch.
Meanwhile,Pedro,Juan,andAngelo,hercousins,werepositionedinlawnchairsonthefrontlawn,andsomeofheryoungercousinswereinthestreetplayingkickball.Carssherecognizedlinedtheroadoneitherside,allthewaytothecorner.
MyGod,shethought,myentireextendedfamilyishere.Andthoughshe’dbeenthroughhellinthelastfewdays,shecouldn’thelpbutsmile.
DespiteColin’sreluctance,shedraggedhimintothehouse.Thirtyorfortypeoplemilledaroundinside;therewereanothertwentyinthebackyard.Menandwomen,boysandgirls…
Serenacamerushingforward.“Crazy,huh?Dadactuallyclosedtherestauranttoday!Canyoubelievethat?”
“Idon’tthinkweneededeveryonetocome…”
“Hedidn’taskthemto,”shesaid.“Everyonejustshowedupwhentheyfoundoutyoumightbeintrouble.I’msuretheneighborswonderedwhatonearthwasgoingon,butDadwentaroundandexplainedthatwewerehavingafamilyreunion.Aftertoday,therewillalwaysbeafamilywatchpatrolintheneighborhooduntilAtkinsonisbehindbars,butthey’llbemoresubtleaboutit.They’vedecidedtoorganizeshifts.”
“Forme?”
Serenasmiled.“That’showweroll.”
IttookColinalmosthalfanhourtoextracthimself—everyonewantedtomeethim,evenifmanyofthegreetingswereinSpanish.AsMariawalkedhimbacktothecar,shereflectedthatdespiteeverything,shewasblessed.
“IstillthinkIshouldgowithyou,”shesaid.
“Idoubtyourparentswouldletyouleave.”
“Probablynot,”sheagreed.“I’msuremydadiswatchingfromthewindowrightnow.Justincase.”
“ThenIguessI’mnotallowedtokissyou.”
“Youbetter,”shesaid.“AndmakesureyoubringEvanandLilybackherefordinner,okay?Iwanttherestofmyfamilytomeetthem,too.”
Colindidn’tmakeitbacktothehouseuntilhalfpastfive.Somefamilymembershadleft,butmosthadstayed.Forherpart,Lilywasperfectlyateasethemomentshesteppedoutofthecar,evenifColinandEvanseemedabituncertain.
“Whatawonderfulshowofsolidarityandlove,”LilypronouncedwithahugassoonasMariawalkedup.“Isimplycan’twaittomeeteachandeverymemberofyourwonderfulfamily!”
Lily’sSouthern-tingedSpanishdelightedeveryoneshemet,thesamewayithadcharmedMaria,andastherelativescrowdedaroundherandEvan,MariapulledColinawayandsteppedontothebackporch.
“Howdiditgo?”sheasked.
“I’llneedtoputafinalcoatofpaintonthewall,buttheprimerwasabletocoverupthespraypaint.Wegotridofeverythingbroken,andsetasidethestuffthatmightbeabletobecleaned.I’mnotsurethere’smuchwecandoaboutyourclothes,though.”Whenshenodded,hewenton.“DidyouhearanyupdatesonMargolis?OrhaveyouheardfromAtkinson?”
“No,”sheanswered.“I’vebeencheckingmyphoneformessagesallday.”
Helookedaround.“Where’sSerena?”
“Sheleftafewminutesbeforeyougothere.Shehasthatinterviewtonight,andshehadtogetready.”Mariareachedforhishand.“Youlooktired.”
“I’mokay.”
“Itwasmoreworkthanyouexpected,wasn’tit?”
“No,”hesaid.“Butitwashardformetokeepmyangerincheck.”
“Yeah,”shesaid.“Forme,too.”
Aftermakingtheroundswiththefamily,LilyandEvanjoinedColinandMariaatthetableontheporch.
“Thanksforcleaningupmyplace,”Mariasaid.
“Itwasnoproblematall,”Lilysaid.“AndImustsay,it’sanabsolutelycharminglocation.EvanandIconsideredmovingdowntownaswell,butEvaninsistedthathecouldn’timaginehavingnolawntomow.”
“Idon’tdothatnow,”Evansaid.“Colindoesit.Ihatemowingthelawn.”
“Hush,now,”shesaid.“Iwasjustteasing.Butyoushouldknowthatphysicallaborcanbequiteattractiveinaman.”
“WhatdoyouthinkIwasdoingtoday?”
“Mypointexactly,”shesaid.“Youcutaveryappealingfigureasyouweremovingfurniture,youknow.”
ThedoortotheporchopenedandCarmencameoutcarryingplacesettingsforeachofthem,followedbyseveralplatesoffoodthatoccupiedmorethanhalfthetable.Notonlyhadthekitchenbeenhoppingallday,butmostoftherelativeshadbroughtfoodaswell.
“Ihopeyouarehungry,”CarmensaidinEnglish.
Itwastoomuchfood.Justlikealways.WhileColinseemedtohaveexpectedit,bothEvanandLilylookedoverwhelmed.
“Thisisgreat,Mom,”Mariasaid,suddenlygratefulforhermother’swordlessdemonstrationoflove.“Iloveyou.”CHAPTER31
Colin
Afterdinner,Colinwanderedouttothefrontyard,seekingsometimealone.Apairofunclessatinlawnchairsoverlookingthestreet,noddingatColin’spolitesalute.Reflexively,herelivedthedestructionhe’dseenatMaria’shouse,tryingtopiecetogetheritsconnectiontoAtkinsonandLester.
LesterandAtkinsonhadonceworkedtogether,andLesterhadintroducedAtkinsontohissister.AndwhileMariabelievedthatLesterhadbeensendingmessagestoher,Dr.ManningsuggestedthatAtkinsonwasresponsible.
ItwasuncannytimingthatAtkinsonhaddisappearedshortlybeforeMaria’sstalkingbegan.Presumably,AtkinsonhadslashedMaria’stires,butwhichofthetwohadkilledCopo?LestershotMargolis;AtkinsonremovedthecarfromthebungalowandlatertrashedMaria’splace.GiventhetroveofinformationfoundonAtkinson’scomputer,hisinvolvementinMaria’sstalkingseemedclear-cut,butcertaindetailscontinuedtobotherColin.
Dr.ManninghadmentionedanargumentbetweenLesterandAtkinsonandsaidthey’dhadafalling-out,butwhenhadtheyregainedeachother’strust?Whichonewasincharge?WhyhadDr.ManninginsistedthatAtkinsonwastryingtoframeLesterwhenitseemedcleartheyhadtobeworkingtogether?Andiftheywereworkingtogether,whydrivetwocarstotheSanchezhousethenightLesterattackedMaria?
Andyet…asColinhadcleanedMaria’scondo,he’dthoughtbackontheearlierconversationwithDetectiveWrightandrealizedthattherewasnoevidenceconclusivelylinkingAtkinsontothetrashingofthecondoyet.Therewasn’tanyconclusiveevidencesupportingtheideathathe’dslashedMaria’stires,either.Despitethecontentfoundonhiscomputer,Mariahadneverinteractedwithhimorevenseenhim.She’dsaidallalongthatAtkinson’sinvolvementneverfeltplausibletoher,whichmeant…
What?
SupposeAtkinsonreallyhadgoneofftomeetawoman.AndwhatifLesterknewthatAtkinsonwouldbeoutoftown?LestercouldhaveplantedtheinformationonAtkinson’scomputerandtakenAtkinson’scarwhilehewasaway.Lestercouldhave—asMariahadpointedoutthenightbefore—easilypaidsomeonetoslashMaria’stires.Maybeeventrashhercondo.Itwouldbetheperfectsetup…aslongasyoubelievedthatLesterwascapableofsuchintricateplanning.BasedonthebehaviorthatColinhadwitnessedatthebungalowandthewayWrighthaddescribedLester’sactionsatthestation,thatfeltunlikely.AndsinceAtkinsonhadapparentlydrivenLesterbacktoShallotteafterhe’dshownupattheSanchezes’,Atkinsonhadtohavebeennearby.Theyhadtobeworkingtogether,andColinsupposedthatLestermusthavebeenspookedbythesirens.Atkinsonmusthaveheardthem,too,fuelinghisownpanic,andhe’dpickedLesterupbeforeracingthetwoofthemoutoftheneighborhood.TheywouldhavebeendrivingfastandpossiblyasrecklesslyasColinhad,butintheoppositedirection…
LikethecarColinhadalmosthitjustblocksfromtheSanchezes’home?
Colinfeltsomethingakintoakeyturninginalock,andstrainedtorememberexactlywhathe’dseen.Thecarcareeningtowardhim,swervinginthelastinstant,thevehiclesbrushingpastwithonlyinchestospare.Twomeninthefrontseat.Whatkindofcar?
ACamry.
Blue.
Reachingforhisphone,hecalledDetectiveWright,whoansweredonthesecondring.
“HaveyouheardanythingaboutMargolis?”Colinasked.
“Improving.Orsotheysay.Stillincriticalcareandstillunconscious.Howarethingsthere?”
“They’reokay.Maria’ssafe.”
“Andtonight?”
“She’llstayhere.She’swellprotected.”
“Ifyousayso.Whatdoyouneed?”
“I’mthinkingthatAtkinsonmightbedrivingablueCamry.Relativelynew.”
“Whydoyouthinkthat?”
Colinoutlinedhisreasoning.
“Youwouldn’thavehappenedtohavegottenalicenseplate,wouldyou?”
“No.”
“Okay.It’snotmuch,butI’llgetthewordout.Everyonewantstofindthisguy,thesoonerthebetter.”
Colindisconnected,somehowsurethatLesterhadbeenintheblueCamrythatnight.Hefeltcertain,evenifhecouldn’texplainthereason,otherthantoassumethathissubconsciousmindwassomehowaheadofhisconsciousmindinunderstandingthattheanswerswerethere,ifonlyhecouldfindthem.
“Whatareyoudoingouthere?”Evanasked,joiningColininthefrontyard.
“Thinking,”Colinanswered.Itwashalfpastsix,andduskhadgivenwaytodarkness,theautumnairhintingatevencoolertemperaturesastheeveningworeon.
“Ifigured.Isawthesmokedriftingoutofyourears.”
Colinsmiled.“IjustgotoffthephonewithDetectiveWright,”heexplained,recappingtheconversation.“Whatareyoudoingouthere?”
“AssweetasCarmenis,herfoodiskindaspicy.Lilyaskedmetogethersomegumfromtheglovecompartmenttohelpcooldownhermouth.Ifyouaskme,Lilyjustwantsherbreathtosmellmintyfresh,becausenothavingmintyfreshbreathisn’tladylike.”Heshrugged.“Bytheway,whatdoyoumakeofallthis?Maria’sfamily,Imean?”
“Ithinkthey’regreat.”
“It’skindofamazing,isn’tit?Herentireextendedfamilyshowinguptokeephersafe?”
Colinnodded.“Idoubtevenmyimmediatefamilywouldshowup.”
Evanraisedaneyebrow.“Don’tkidyourself.Whenthingswerebad,evenyourfamilycircledthewagons.”
“Friends,too,”Colinsaid.“Thanksforyourhelptoday.IknowyouwantedtospendthedayinbedwithLily.”
“You’rewelcome.”Evanshrugged.“Butitwasn’tgoingtoworkoutanyway.Icouldn’tstopthinkingaboutMargolis,whichkindofputadamperonmymood.Istillcan’tfigureouthowheletLestergetthejumponhim.”
Colinpaused.“Whenhewasontheporch,didhelookconfusedtoyou?”
“Helookedpissedoff,”Evansaid.“Becausewehadn’tleftyet.”
“Howdidhelookbeforethat?”
“Ihavenoidea,dude,”Evansaid,shakinghishead.“Everythingissojumbled,I’mnotreallysurewhathappened.Icanrememberhearingshotsandseeingyoudoingyourcrazything,butafterthat…it’sjustallblood.Mybrain’ssoscrambled,Ican’tevenrememberwhyIcameouthereinthefirstplace.”
“YoucameoutheretogetLilysomegum,”Colinremindedhim.
“Ohyeah.That’sright.Mintyfreshness.”EvanstartedtowardthecarandthenturnedaroundtolookbackatColin.“Doyouwantapiece?”
“No,”Colinsaid.
ButDr.Manningprobablywould…
Colinwasn’tsurewhyMargolis’sdescriptionofManning’scompulsivegumchewingleapedtomind,butafterconsideringit,heshookhishead,decidingtoheadbackinsidewithEvanandrejoinMaria’sfamily.Theywereamarvel,hehadtoadmit.Talkaboutcirclingthewagons.Intimesofcrisis,familywassometimesallyoureallyhad.Hell,evenDr.ManningshowedupforLester.He’dspokentoMargolis,he’dshownupatthestation,andhe’dalsoimmediatelyarrangedforanattorney,sinceLesterhadbeeninnoconditiontodosohimself.
But…howhadDr.ManningevenknownofLester’sarrest?WrighthadsaidthattheattorneyhadshownuptenminutesafterLesterhadarrivedatthestation.Colinknewfromexperiencethatitwasalmostimpossibletoprocureanattorneythatquickly,especiallyonaFridaynightafterbusinesshours.WhichmeantthatDr.ManninghadknownthatLesterhadbeenarrestedwellbeforehisarrivalatthestation.Itwasalmostlikehewasthere…
Andhadparkedhiscarinthedriveway?
No,Colinthought.Margoliswouldhaverecognizedthecar.He’dseenDr.Manning’scaryesterdaymorning,whenthedoctorhadshownMargolistheguninthetrunk.AndifithadbeenDr.Manning’scaratthebungalow,Margolisprobablywouldhaveacted…
Confused?
Colinstoppedinhistracks.No.Itwasn’tpossible.But…
Familiescirclethewagons…Sonandfather…LesterandDr.Manning…Dr.ManningnervouslymowingthroughapackofgumwhiletalkingtoMargolis…
Colingropedfortheanswer,aforgottendetail…And?
Hadn’thenoticedabunchofgumwrappersstrewnontheroofofthebuildingacrossfromMaria’soffice?
Colincouldbarelybreathe.Itwasn’tAtkinsonandLester.Itwasfatherandsoncirclingthewagons,andallatonce,theanswersstartedcascadingthroughhismindasquicklyasColincouldformthequestions.
Whyhadn’tMargolisbeenmorecautiousatthebungalow?
BecausehesawthatAveryManning,thefather,wasalreadythere.
AndLester’sgun?
Dr.ManninghadtoldMargolisthegunlikelywasn’treal.
WhyhadMargolisgoneinside?
BecauseDr.Manningcalledouttohim,assuringMargolisthateverythingwasokay.
Itfit;itallfit,hethought,clarityfinallyemerging.
ButLesterwasarrested.
OnlybecauseColinwastheretotakehimdown.Otherwise,Lestermighthaveescaped.
ButLestermighttalk.
TheattorneyDr.Manninghiredwouldmakesurehedidn’t.
ButDr.ManninghadleftamessageforMargolis,urginghimtowarnMaria…
Afterthefact—toolatetomatter.
AndAtkinson?
ThemanwhofailedtointervenewhenLawsabductedCassie?WhoDr.Manningmightfeeldeservestobepunishedaswell?
ButAtkinson’slaptop…thephotos,thefiles…
AllofwhichmadeAtkinsontheperfectfallguy.
Bythen,Colinwasalreadyreachingforhisphone,thetruthsoobviousthathewasn’tsurehowhecouldhavemissedit.
WhohadtheknowledgeandskillnecessarytomanipulateLester?
Dr.Manning,thepsychiatrist.
HowhadAtkinson’snamecomeupinthefirstplace?
Dr.Manning.
AndLaws’spatternofstalkingCassie?
Dr.Manningkneweverydetail.
Colinheardavoiceontheotherendofthephone.Wright,soundingbusyandstressed.
“Youagain,”Wrightsaid.“What’sup?”
“ChecktoseeifDr.ManningownsablueCamry.”
Wrighthesitated.“Holdon.Why?”
“HavesomeonecheckitoutwhileItalk,”Colinsaid.“Justdoit.It’simportant.”
AfterheheardWrightcallouttherequesttoanotherofficer,Colintoldhimeverything.Whenhefinished,Wrightwasquietforamoment.
“Thatsoundsalittlefar-fetched,don’tyouthink?”Wrightsaid.“Butifyou’reright,Margoliswillbeabletoclearallthisupassoonasheregainsconsciousness.Besides…”Wrightseemedtobewrestlingwithhisowndoubts.
“Yes?”
“It’snotasthoughDr.Manningistryingtohide.Farfromit—hewasatthestationlastnightandhewasatthehospitaltoday—”
“Hewasthere?”Colinasked,feelingamountingsenseofpanic.
“HespokewithRachel.HewantedtoapologizeforwhathissondidandaskedifitmightbepossibletospeakwithPete,sothathecouldapologizetohim,too.”
“Don’tlethimnearMargolis!”Colinshouted,panicgivingwaytofear.
“Keepitdown,”Wrightsaid.“Manningcouldn’tseehim.EvenIcouldn’tseehim.OnlyfamilyisallowedintheICU—”
“Manningwenttheretokillhim!”Colininterrupted.“He’samedicaldoctor…He’dknowwhattodotomakethedeathlooknatural.”
“Don’tyouthinkyou’rejumpingtoconclusions?”
“Lesterdidn’tshootMargolis!Dr.Manningdid!LesterhadMargolissquarelyinhissights,buthecouldn’tpullthetrigger.Ifyoudon’tbelieveme,testLester’shandsforgunpowderresidue.”
“Thatwon’ttellusanything.It’stoolate.Thosetestsgetlesseffectivebythehour—”
“IknowI’mrightaboutthis!”
Wrightwassilentforalongmoment.“Okay…butwhataboutAtkinson’scomputer?”
“Atkinsonisdead,”Colinsaidwithsuddencertainty.“Dr.Manningkilledhim.Madeitlooklikehewentonatrip,tookhiscar,plantedevidenceonthecomputer,madehimtheprimesuspect,andplanneditall.”
Wrightsaidnothing.Afteramomentofsilence,Colinheardthemuffledsoundofthedetectivespeakingwithsomeoneelse.ColinfelthisfrustrationrisinguntilWrightcamebackontheline,soundingslightlystunned.
“Dr.Manning,”Wrightsaidslowly,“ownsablueCamry,and…Igottago…IwanttoverifythattheCamrywasatthebungalow…”
Wrighthungupmidsentence.
ColinracedinsidetoupdateMaria,findingherstillonthebackporchwithEvanandLily,herparents,andascatteringofauntsanduncles.AsColinrelatedhisdiscoveries,Marialistenedsilently.Bytheend,hereyeswereclosed,andthoughtherevelationswereclearlyfrighteningtoher,healsosensedakindofpeaceinheratfinallyknowingthetruth.Herrelatives,meanwhile,remainedsilent,allofthemwaitingforhertorespond.
“Okay,”Mariafinallysaid.“What’snext?”
“I’mguessingWrightwillputoutanAPBonDr.Manningandthendowhateverelseitiscopsdowhensearchingforasuspectandbuildingacase.”
Mariathoughtaboutthat.“Butwhataboutthepattern?”shefinallyventured.“Imean,ifDr.ManningwantedmetoexperienceeverythingLawshaddonetoCassie,whywouldhehavevandalizedmyplacelastnight?Hehadtoknowthatitwouldmakeitevenmoredifficulttogettome.Andwhydidn’tLestergrabmewhenhehadthechanceto…”
Beatme,maybeburnmealive,andthenkillhimself,shedidn’tneedtoadd.ColinrememberedwhatLawshaddone,butknewthatDr.Manninghadneverplannedtokillhimself.He’dwantedAtkinson’sbodyfoundintheashes,whichwouldclosethecaseforgood,leavingDr.Manningafreeman.AllColincoulddowasshakehishead.
“Idon’tknow,”headmitted.
Seveno’clocknow,andthenightwasgrowingevendarker,withjustasliverofmoonabovethehorizon.
Asthefamily,ledbyFelix,beganmakingadditionalplanstokeepMariasafe,Colindriftedtothekitchenandretrievedaglassfromthecupboard.Hewasthirsty,buthealsowantedtobealonewhileheponderedMaria’squestions.
Movingtotherefrigerator,hesettheglassunderthedispenser.Fillingitwithwater,hedownedtheglassinasinglelongpullandbeganrefillingit,hiseyesabsentlyscanningtherefrigeratordoor.TherewerephotosofMariaandSerenaovertheyears,poems,Maria’sconfirmationcertificate,andadrawingofarainbowincrayonwithSerena’snamecarefullyetchedinthecorner.Someoftheitemshadbeguntoyellowattheedges,andtheonlyrecentadditionappearedtobetheletterSerenahadreceivedfromtheCharlesAlexanderFoundation.Itwasintheuppercorner,partiallyobscuringapostcardthatdisplayedtheMetropolitanCathedralinMexicoCity.AsColinglancedattheletterhead,hewasagainnaggedbythethoughtthatthenameseemedoddlyfamiliar.
Still…
Maria’squestionshadlefthimfeelingunsettled.WhyhadDr.Manningvandalizedhercondo?IfDr.ManningwantedMariatoexperienceeverythingCassiehad,thenwhydeviatefromthepatternnow?AndwhypaintthewordsYouwillknowhowitfeelsinherbedroomwhendoingsoonlymadehermoreinaccessible?Itwaspossible,hesupposed,thatDr.ManninghadpanickedorlostcontrolafterLesterhadbeenarrested.Colinwantedtobelievethat,triedtoforcehimselfto,butcouldn’tquitemakethatleap.Instead,hefeltlikehe’doverlookedsomething.Eitherhewasmissingapieceofthepuzzle,orDr.ManningnolongercaredwhetherhecouldgettoMariaatall…
Butwhywouldn’thecare?
Turningfromthefridge,hetookanotherdrink,consolinghimselfwiththenotionthatevenwithouttheanswers,notonlywasMariasafe,butshe’dremainsafeuntilDr.Manningwasapprehended.Colinandherfamilywouldmakesureofthat.Theygavecirclingthewagonsawholenewmeaning.Hell,allofthemwerehererightnow,standingwatch…
Butinthatinstant,herealizedhewaswrong.Notallofthemwerehere.Oneofthemwasmissing…andDr.ManningnolongercaredwhetherhecouldgettoMariaatall…
BecauseMariahadneverbeenpartofDr.Manning’sendgameinthefirstplace?
InColin’smind,theanswersbegantotumblefast,clarityemerging…thenameontheletterheadandwhyitseemedsofamiliar…whyMaria’splacehadbeentrashed…howLesterhadknownaboutCarmen’sbirthday…therealmeaningbehindthewordsthathadbeenpaintedinthebedroom…
Youwillknowhowitfeels…
Droppingtheglass,Colinburstfromthekitchen,throughthelivingroom,anddowntheshorthallwayintoMaria’sbedroom.Helocatedherbagsandspottedherlaptopinhertotebag.Grabbingit,heflippedupthelid,thinking,No,no,no…pleaseGod,letmebewrongaboutthis…
HeopenedthesearchprogramandtypedinthenameofthefoundationthathadawardedSerena’sscholarship…wantedtoseeit…prayedforittocomeup…
Nowebsitedisplayed;justanoticesayingthesitehadbeentakendownandthatthedomainnamewasavailable.
No,no,no…
HetypedinAveryManning’snameandrecognizedthesamelinkshe’dperusedafterheandMariahadmetwithMargolisthefirsttime.HerememberedthelinkthathadincludedAveryManning’sphotograph,andclickedonitevenasherushedbacktothelivingroom.Lookingup,hespottedCarmen,butnotFelix.
“Carmen!”heshouted,hopingshe’dbeabletounderstandwhathewasabouttosay.
Relativesturnedhisway,alarmed.Colinignoredthem.IgnoredCarmen’ssuddenexpressionoffright.Fromthecornerofhiseye,hesawthebackslideropening,Mariaabouttoenter.
Bythen,he’dreachedCarmen.Heheldupthecomputerandwaspointingtothephotograph.
“Doyourecognizehim?”Colinsaid,talkingloudandfast.Fearnowbuildingtopanic.“Isthisthemanwhocametothehousefordinner?Isthisthedirectorofthefoundation?”
Carmenbeganshakingherhead.“Nosé…Noentiendo…Hablamásdespacio,porfavor.”
“What’sgoingon?”Mariacried.“Whatareyoudoing,Colin?You’rescaringher!”
“It’shim!”Colinshouted.
“Who?”Mariayelled,hisfearcontagious.“What’shappening?”Bythen,Felixhadcomerushingthroughtheslider,too,followedbyEvanandLily,morerelatives…
“Lookathim!”ColinsaidtoCarmen,pointingtothephotograph,loweringhisvoice,tryingandfailingtosoundcalm.“Lookatthephoto!Thedirector!Isthishim?Isthiswhocametoyourhousefordinner?”
“?Miralafoto,Mamá!”Mariatranslated,movingnexttoher.“?Eséstoeldirectordelafundación??Quiénvinoalacasaparalacena?”
Carmen’seyesswiveledinterrorbetweenColinandMariabeforesheleanedintoscrutinizethephotoonthescreen.Afteramoment,shebegannoddingquickly.
“?Sí!”Carmensaid,seeminglyonthevergeoftears.“CharlesAlexander!?éleseldirector!?élestabaaquíenlacasa!”
“Colin!”Mariayelled,grabbinghisarm.Heturned,hispanickedgazeonher.
“Where’sSerena?”hedemanded.“Whereisshe?”
“Attheinterview,youknowthat…What’swrong?”
“Where’stheinterview?Where’sittakingplace?”
“Idon’tknow.Iguessatthefoundation’soffice…”
“Where’stheoffice?”Colinshouted.
“Downtown…onthewaterfront,”Mariastammered.“Theoldercommercialarea,notthehistoricdistrict.Tellmewhat’shappening!”
Abandonedbuildings,Colinthought.Foreclosedbuildings.Fire…Thoughtsfallingasfastasshufflingcards…Dr.ManningnolongercaringwhetherhecouldgettoMaria…Marianeedingtoknowhowitfeels…Becauseitwasn’tonlyaboutmakingMariaexperienceCassie’sterror,itwasaboutpunishingMaria,makingherfeelthesamewayDr.ManningandLesterfeltaftersomeonetheylovedhadbeenmurdered.
Oh,God…
“Callthepolice!”Colinshouted.“Call911!”
“Colin!”Mariascreamed.“Talktome!”
“AveryManningpretendedtobeCharlesAlexander!”Colinshouted,feelingtheclockwastickingandknowingtherewasn’ttimetoexplaineverything.“Dr.ManninghadachildnamedAlexanderCharles.Thereisnofoundation.Orscholarship.Dr.Manningmadeitup,”hehissed.“Youweren’tthetarget—Serena’sthetarget.She’swithhimrightnowandIneedtoknowexactlywheresheisbefore…”
Mariaunderstoodeverythinginaninstant,herexpressionstrickenasColingrabbedherhandandpulledheralongwithhim,racingforthedoorthatledtothegarage.HevaguelyheardMariascreaming,“?Llamealapolicía!?Emergencia!?Llameanueve-uno-uno!”overhershoulderastheyburstfromthegarage,racingtohiscar.
MariadoveinandColinwasroundingthecarwhenheheardEvanshoutingthattheywerecoming,too.
Colinjumpedbehindthewheel,barkingoutinstructionsforMariatocallDetectiveWright.Heturnedthekeyhard,gunningtheengine,histiresscreechingashetoreawayfromthehouse.Intherearviewmirror,hevaguelynoticedheadlightsturningon,EvanandLilyandvariousrelativestrailinginhiswake.
“WhendidSerenasayshehadtheinterview?”Colindemanded,evenasMariawaswaitingforWrighttoanswerhercall.
“Ican’tremember…Seven,maybe?”
“What’stheaddress?”
“Ipickedherupattheofficeonce,butIdon’tknow…”
Colinpressedtheacceleratortothefloorandtheengineroared,thecarshudderingasitroundedthefirstcurve…Colinfightingthethoughtthathemightalreadybetoolate…cursinghimselffornotfiguringitoutsooner.Theheadlightsintherearviewmirrorgrewsmallerasthespeedometernosedtowardseventy,andtheneighty.
Heslammedonthebrakes,skiddingontothemainroadtothescreechofanoncomingcar’stires.Undeterred,hespedupagain,onlydimlyawarethatMariawasscreamingintothephoneatDetectiveWright.
Colincontinuedtoaccelerate,surgingclosetoahundredmilesanhour,feelingdéjàvuasheswervedintothebikelaneandslowingbutnotstoppingforredlights.Heleanedonhishorn,flashedhislights,andcutthroughparkinglotsasprecioussecondstickedby.
MariahadhungupwithDetectiveWrightandwasnowfranticallydialingandredialing,heractionsgrowingevenmorepanicked.
“Serena’snotansweringherphone!”
“Findoutwhensheleftthedorm!”Colinshouted.
“But…how?”
“Idon’tknow!”
Colinchangedlanes,rananotherredlight,andcheckedtherearviewmirror.Evan’sheadlightsweretoofarbehindtoseeanymore,andColinsqueezedthesteeringwheel,furiouswithhimselfforbeingsostupid,formissingtheobvious.ThinkingaboutSerena,tellinghimselfthathe’dgetthereintimetosaveher.
He’dgetthere.Hehadtogetthere.
CharlesAlexander.AlexanderCharles.He’dseenthenameonthecomputer,andtheconnectionwasrightthereontherefrigerator,inthedamnletterhead!AndSerenahadevensaidthenameatdinner!Itwasobvious,andColincouldn’tunderstandwhyithadtakenhimsolongtoputittogether.IfsomethinghappenedtoSerenabecausehe’dbeensodamnstupid…
ColinvaguelyheardMariashoutthenameSteveintothephone…HeardherdemandingtoknowwhenSerenahadleft…heardhersaythatSerenawasrunninglateandhadleftat6:40…
“Whattimeisit?”Colindemanded,speedingsofasthewasunabletotakehiseyesfromtheroadforasecond.“Checkyourphone!”
“Seventwelve…”
Serenamightnothavearrivedyet…
Orshewastherealready…
Colinpressedhisteethtogether,hisjawmusclespulsing,thinkingthatifanythinghadhappenedtoher…
He’dhuntDr.Manningtotheendsoftheearth.Themandeservedtodie,andinthatinstant,Colin’sthoughtsbegannarrowingashefeltavisceral,almosttangibleurgetokillhim.
Inhisevergrowingrage,thespeedometertopped120,andallColincouldthinkwasGo,go,go…CHAPTER32
Maria
Colinwasdrivingsofastthattheimagesbeyondthewindowswereblurry.Despitetheseatbelt,Mariawasbeingflungfromsidetosidewheneverhemadeaturnorbrakedoraccelerated.Andyet,allshecouldthinkaboutwasSerenaandthatshe’dbeenthetargetallalong.Andhe’dtoyedwithher…
Thefakescholarship.Interviews.Slowlyearninghertrust…
Butallthewhile,he’dbeenplanning.FollowingSerena.Stalking.Notjustinperson,butonSerena’ssocialmedia,too.He’dcometodinnerwiththefamilybecausehe’dknownMariawouldn’tbethere…SerenahadtoldtheworldthatMariahadadate.He’dknownMariawouldcelebratetheirmom’sbirthdaybecauseSerenahadpostedaboutthat,too.Astherealityofwhatwashappeningsankin,Mariafeltamountingsenseofpanicthatbegantotakeonalifeofitsown.Itwasgettinghardertocatchherbreathasthemusclesinherchestbegantocompress.Shetriedtowillthesensationsawayandfrompastexperienceknewshewashavingapanicattack,butshekeptthinkingaboutSerena.Whatiftheywerealreadytoolate?WhatifDr.ManninghadalreadyabductedSerenaandwoulddotoherwhathadbeendonetoCassie?
Maria’smindflashedonthephotosfromLaws’scrimesceneandherlungssuddenlyconstrictedevenmore,makingbreathingalmostimpossible.Shetoldherselfagainthatitwassimplyapanicattack,butasshetriedandfailedtodrawabreath,sheknewthatshewasmistaken.Thiswasn’tapanicattack.Itwasn’tlikethisthelasttime.Allatonce,shefeltasearingpaininherchestthattraveleddownherleftarm.
OhmyGod,shethought.I’mhavingaheartattack…
ColinhitthebrakesandthemomentumflungMariahardintotheshoulderharness.Shewasflungagainmomentslaterashemadeanotherturn,herheadbangingthewindow.Mariabarelyregisteredthepain;allshecouldthinkaboutwasthepressureinherchestandthefactthatshecouldn’tbreathe.Shetriedtoscream,butnosoundcameout.Inthatinstant,shewasonlyvaguelyawarethatherphonehadsuddenlydingedandvibratedwithanincomingtext,thethoughtimmediatelyvanishingastheworldbegangoingblackattheedges.
“Maria?What’swrong?”Colincalledout.“Areyouokay?”
I’mhavingaheartattack!Mariatriedtosayashereyesbegantoclose.I’mdying!Butthewordsstillwouldn’tcome.Shecouldn’tbreathe,herheartwasgivingout,andthoughsheheardColincallingouthername,itsoundedbothunderwaterandfaraway,andshecouldn’tunderstandwhyColinwasn’tdoinganything,whyhewasn’thelpingher.Heneededtocallanambulanceandrushhertothehospital…
Herthoughtsweredisruptedasshewassuddenlyshoveduprightinherseatandfeltpressureonhershoulder;amomentlater,herbodywasbeingshaken.
“Takecontrolofthis,Maria!”Colincommanded.“You’rehavingapanicattack!”
It’snotapanicattack!hermindscreamedasshefoughtforeverybreath,franticallywonderingwhyhewasn’thelpingher.It’srealthistime,can’tyouseethat?
“Maria!Listentome!Maria!”Colinshouted.“IneedtoknowwhereSerenawent!Manningiswithherrightnow!Ineedyourhelp!Serenaneedsyourhelp!”
Serena…
Mariainstinctivelyopenedhereyesatthementionofhersister’snameandlatchedontothesound,focusingonit,butitwastoolate…
“Maria!”
Thistime,itwasthesoundofherownnamethatjoltedher.Shethought;Colinistalkingtome.Shethought;Serena.Shethought;Dr.Manning.Somehow,shewasabletoholdhereyesopen,thoughshestillcouldn’tbreatheandshewasdizzy.But…Serena…oh,God,Serenaneeded…
Help.
EverycellinherbodycontinuedtohammeritsdeathomenatMaria,drowningouttherealityofthesituation.Shefoughttoregainclarity;sheforcedherselftothinkaboutSerenaandknewtheyweregoingtothewaterfronttosavehersister,andthatherphonehadvibratedwithatext.
Itwasallshecoulddototurnthescreenfaceupandfocus,butshewassomehowabletomakeoutthewords…
Sorry.Ringeroff.Walkingtointerviewnow.Wishmeluck!
Serena.Hersisterwasstillalive,andtheywereracingtosaveher.Mariaforcedherselftodrawalong,steadybreath,andthenanother.Apanicattack,that’sall,shethought.Icangetthroughthis…
Butherbodywasstillrebelling,evenifhermindhadbeguntoclear.Herhandsshookandherfingersweren’tworkingright.Shewasabletohittheredialbutton,butthecallwenttovoicemail.Meanwhile,Colincontinuedtoshoutatherfromthedriver’sseat,evenasheskiddedthroughanotherturn…
“Maria!Areyouokay?Tellmeyou’regoingtobeokay!”
Thoughittookheramoment,sherealizedthey’dreachedSouthFrontStreetandwereheadedintherightdirection.
“I’mokay,”shemumbled,stillcatchingherbreath,amazedshecouldspeakatall,realizingthatbreathingwasnolongerimpossible.“Justneedaminute.”
Colinquicklyglancedoveratherbeforefacingforwardagain,pressingdownontheaccelerator.“Howmuchfarther?”heasked.“Ineedtoknowwheresheis.”
“Idon’tknow,”Mariaanswered,hervoicestillweak,herbodystrugglingtorecover.“Afewmoreblocks,”shehuffed,feelingdizzy.
“Yousure?”
Wasshe?Shelookedupthestreet,wantingtomakesure.“Yes.”
“Ontheleftorright?”
“Left,”Mariaanswered.Straining,sheforcedherselftosithigherintheseat.Herbodycontinuedtotremble.
Colinspedthroughthenextintersection.Staringoutthewindow,Mariavaguelynoticedahalf-dozenshacksandboathousesclosertotheriver,lookingdarkandshadowed.Streetlightsbarelycutthroughthedarkness.Thecar’smomentumbegantodecreaseasColinliftedhisfootfromtheaccelerator,andtheycoastedthenextblockandthroughanotherintersection.Here,thearchitectureimmediatelyshifted;theflat-roofedbuildingswerenowsandwichedtogetherlikerowhouses,someofthebuildingsinbetterconditionthanothers.Therewereofficelightsblazingonsomefloorsbutmostwereblackened,andthecarsonthestreetwereseparatedbywidergaps.Therewasnotrafficineitherdirection.Astheydrovethroughanotherblock,theareasuddenlybegantofeelfamiliarandMariaknewtheywereclose,evenasshestruggledwithasuddenrushofangerandguiltshefeltforhavingapanicattackattheworstpossiblemoment,whenSerenaneededhermost.
Sheremindedherselfthatshe’dbeenherebefore,anddespiteherbody’scontinuedrebellion,sheforcedherselftotakelongbreathsasshescannedthebuildings.Itwashardtotellforsurewhichwastheonetheywanted,sinceshehadn’tbeenpayingthatmuchattentionthefirsttimeshe’dcomehere.ShevaguelyrecalledthatSerenahadbeenstandingatanintersectionandthere’dbeensomeconstructionworkersstaringfromtheoppositesideofthestreet…Shesquinted,spottedscaffoldingonabuildingatthecorner,andthen,ontheoppositesideofthestreet,Serena’scar…
“There!”shesaid,pointing.“Thefour-storybrickoneonthecorner!”
Colinimmediatelypulledover,brakinghard.Hejumpedoutofthecarandtookoffrunning,notwaitingforMariaasshestruggledtoopenherdoor,furiousthatherbodyhadgoneintorevoltandneededtorecover.Shedidn’thavetimeforthat.Notnow.Especiallynotnow.Finallypushingthedooropen,shewilledherselftostandandstartmoving
Bythen,Colinhadalreadyreachedthelobbydoor.Shesawhimstrugglingtoopenit,findingitlocked,thenjabbingatsomethingbesidethehandle.WhenMarialookedup,thereweresevenoreightofficesstillilluminatedonvariousfloors,andshewatchedasColinpoundedtheglass.Shecouldtellfromhisbodylanguagethathewasdebatingwhethertosmashhiswayin,butMariainstinctivelyknewthatSerenawasn’tintheofficebuilding.NorwasDr.Manning.He’dbeenfartoocarefultothispointtomakethatmistakenow;he’dbeenfartoometiculous,andthereweretoomanypeopleinthebuilding,toomanypotentialwitnesses,toomanythingsthatcouldgowrong.SheguessedthatDr.ManninghadbeenwaitingforSerenaonthesidewalkinfrontofthebuildingandprobablyhadastoryaboutapipethatburstorwhatever,sotheinterviewwouldbeheldelsewhere.Sheknewthathewantedsomeplaceprivate,whereheknewhewouldn’tbecaught,aplacethatwouldburn.
“Colin!”shetriedtoshout.Thesoundcameoutweak.Shetriedtowaveherarms,butthedizzinesscamebackinarushandshestumbled.“Colin!”shecalledoutagain,andthistimeheheardhervoiceandrantowardher.
“Thedoorhasoneofthosekey-codelocks!There’snolistingforthefoundation,soIjusthitallthebuttons,butnoone’sbuzzing.”
“Serena’snotinthere,”Mariaforcedout.“Manningtookhersomeplaceelse.Therearetoomanypeopleinside,toomanypeoplestillworking.”
“Ifshegotinhiscar…”
“Shetextedthatshewaswalkingtotheinterview.”
“Thenwhere’shiscar?Idon’tseeit.”
“Checkaroundthecorner,”Mariawheezed,stillfightingwavesofdizziness.“Heprobablyparkedthere.Ifhe’slookingforsomeplacedeserted,hetookhertooneoftheshacksorboathousesneartheriver.Hurry!”shesaid,feelinglikeshewasabouttofallover.“Justgo.I’llgetmyphoneandcallthepolice…”Andmyparents,myrelatives,Lily,everyonewhojumpedintheircarstofollowus,shethought.
Bythen,Colinwasalreadybackinguptowardtheintersection,uncertain,wantingtotrusther,but…
“Howdoyouknowthat’swherethey’llbe?”
“Because,”shesaid,wonderingwhenthepolicewouldarrive,rememberingthelakesidecabinwhereCassiehadbeenmurdered,rememberingtheshacksandboathousescommontothisportionoftheCapeFearRiver,“that’swhereLawswouldhavegone.”CHAPTER33
Colin
Maria’sinstinctshadbeenright.HefoundtheblueCamryparkedonthecrossstreetthatranbesidethebuilding.Hesprintedpastit.StraightaheadwasanunkemptfieldthatstretchedtowardthemuddybanksoftheCapeFearRiver,ablackvoidaheadofhim,barrenofreflectiononthisalmostmoonlessnight.
Thestreetgavewaytoagravelroadthatforkedtotheleftandright,towardtheriver’sedge.Onewayledtoasmall,run-downmarinawitharustingmetalstructurethatwashometoahodgepodgeofboats,protectedbylowfencing;intheotherdirectionstoodtwodecayingbarnlikestructuresneartheriverbank,spacedmaybefiftyyardsapart.Thosebuildingslookedabandoned,withcrackedplanksandpeeling,fadedpaint,overgrownweedsandkudzusurroundingthem.Colinslowed,franticallytryingtoguesswhereManninghadtakenSerena.Inthatinstant,hesawarayoflightleakingoutintermittentlybetweentheplanksoftheabandonedbuildingontheleft,vanishingandreappearing.
Thebeamofaflashlight?
Heleftthegravel,cuttingthroughgrassandweedsthatwereshin-highinplaces,willinghimselftomoveevenfaster,hopinghehadn’tarrivedtoolate.Stillunsurewhathewasgoingtodo,orwhathewasgoingtofind.
Ashereachedthebuildingwherehe’dseenthelight,hepressedhimselfflushtothesideofthewall.Upclose,herealizedthatthestructurehadoncebeenanicehouse,probablyusedbyfishermentoloadblocksoficeintotheirboatstokeeptheircatchfresh.
Therewasnodooronthissideofthebuilding,butaboarded-overwindowemittedaweakandflickeringlight.Hebeganinchingtowardthesidefarthestfromtheriver,hopingtofindthedoor,whenheheardascreamripfrominside…
Serena…
Thesoundgalvanizedhim.Heracedaroundthecorner,butthedooronthatsidehadbeenboardedover.Heacceleratedpastit,tothethirdside,seeinganotherboarded-upwindow.Oneoptionleft.Hepeekedaroundthecornerandimmediatelyspottedthedoorhe’dbeenlookingfor.Reachingfortheknob,hefounditlocked.Inthatinstant,heheardSerenacryoutagain.
Steppingback,hedrovehisheelintothedoornexttotheknob.Itwasaperfectshot,hardandfast,theframesplinteringasthedoorcrackedopen.Hekickedagainanditswungfullyopen.Inthatsplitsecond,hesawSerenatiedtoachairinthemiddleofadimlylitroom,Dr.Manningbesideherwithaflashlightinhishand.Therewastheshapeofabodyinthecorner,surroundedbyrustingpaintcans.Serena’sfacewasbruisedandbloodied.BothSerenaandDr.ManningcriedoutinsurprisewhenColinburstintotheroom.AbeamoflightsuddenlyhitColinstraightintheeyes.
Blindedanddisoriented,Colinbarreledahead,reachingoutinthedirectionhe’dlastseenDr.Manning.Hespreadhisarms,butManninghadtheadvantageandsidesteppedhim.Colinfelttheheavymetalflashlightcrashintothebackofhishandandheardthebonessnap.Thecombinationofshockandsearingpainkepthimfromreactingquicklyenough.AsSerenascreamedagain,Colintwisted,tryingtosquarehisshouldersatManning,buthewastoolate.Theflashlightsmashedintohistemple,thesuddenimpactturningeverythingblack.Hisbodywentlimpandhislegsbuckled;hehitthefloorevenashismindwasstilltryingtoprocesswhathadhappened.Instinctandexperienceurgedhimtogetupquickly,andafteryearsoftraining,themovementsshouldhavebeenautomatic,buthisbodywouldn’trespond.Hefeltanotherhardblowtohisskull,whichshotradiantburstsofagonythroughhissystem.Hismindwasteeteringontheedgeofcoherentthought;heregisterednothingotherthanpainandconfusion.
Timeseemedtoshatterandfragment.Abovethesteadyringinginhisears,hecouldvaguelyhearthesoundofsomeonecryingandscreaming…begging…awoman’svoice…andaman’s…
Twilightdescendedandpainbrokeoverhimlikeawave.
Thesoundofwhimperingdimlypenetratedhisstupor;whenherecognizedhisname,hewasfinallyabletosomehowopenoneeye.Theworldappearedhazy,nothingbutafog-filleddream,butwhenhethoughthesawMariatiedtoachair,itwasenoughtoallowhimtofinallycomprehendwhathadhappenedandwherehewas.
No,notMaria.Serena.
Buthestillcouldn’tmove.Stillunabletofullyfocus,hecoulddistantlymakeoutDr.Manningashemovedalongthefarwall.Hewasholdingsomethingredandsquareinhishands.ColinheardSerena’scontinuedcriesandhisnostrilsweresuddenlyfloodedwiththeodorofgasoline.Ittookamomenttoputeverythingtogether.Dully,hewatchedManningtossthegascanaside.Colinsawaflickeroflight,amatch,andwatcheditarctowardtheground.Heheardthewhoopofignition,likelighterfluidoncharcoal.Hesawflamesbeginleapingatthewalls,theoldplanksasdryastinder.Heatbegantorise.Smokethickened.
Hetriedtomovehishands,triedtomovehislegs,butfeltonlynumbparalysis.Hismouthtastedmetallicandcoppery,andhesawablurofmovementasManningranpasthim,towardthedoorthatColinhadkickedin.
Theflameswerereachingtowardtheceiling,Serena’scriestelegraphingpureterror.Heheardhercoughonce,andthenagain.Colinwilledhimselftomoveandwonderedwhyhisbodywasn’tworking.Finally,hisleftarmbegantoinchforward.Thenhisright.Heslidbotharmsunderhimandtriedtorise,buthisbrokenhandbonesshifted.Colinscreamedandhischesthitthefloor,paintwistinghisangerintorage,fuelinghisneedforviolenceandrevenge.
Hegottoallfoursandslowlymanagedtostand.Hefeltdizzy,hisbalancestilloff.Hetookastepandstumbled,hiseyesstingingintheacridsmoke,tearingup.Serena’scrieshadturnedtouncontrollablecoughing;Colinfeltasthoughhecouldn’tbreatheatall.Theflameshadspreadtotheotherwalls,surroundingthem.Theheatwasintense,thesmokebecomingblack,searinghislungs.ColinstumbledthecoupleofstepsittooktoreachSerenaandeyedtheraggedmacraméjungleofropebindinghertothechair.Heknewthatwithonehand,therewasnowaytountietheropeintime,andhescannedhissurroundings,hopingtoseeaknife.Anax.Anythingsharp…
Colinheardaloudcrack,followedbyaroarastheroofoftheicehousesuddenlysagged,sendingsparksinalldirections.Arafterbeamcrashedwithinafewfeetofthem,thenanotherfellevencloser.Alongthreewalls,flamesseemedtomultiply,theheatsointensethatColinfeltasifhisclothinghadignited.Beginningtopanic,hegrabbedthechairwithSerenastillinitandheaved,feelingaburstofpaininhisbrokenhand.Hismindflashedwhite,anditfueledtherageinsidehim.Hecouldhandlepain;heknewhowtoharnessit,andtriedtodrawonit,buthishandwouldnolongergrip.
UnabletocarrySerena,hehadnootheroption.Therewerefive,maybesixstridestothedoor,andgrabbingthebackofherchairwithhisgoodhand,hespunitaroundandbegandraggingittowardthedoorway.Heneededtogettherebeforetheflamesdid.Hetuggedanddragged,everyjerksendingpainthroughhishandandhishead.
Heburstthroughtheopendoorway.Smokeandheatfollowedthemout,andheknewheneededtogetSerenaasafedistanceawayfromthesmoke.Hecouldn’tdragherthroughthefieldorthemud,andspottinggraveltotheright,hewentthatdirection,towardtheotherbuilding.Behindthem,theicehousewasnearlyengulfedinflames;thesoundroseinvolume,magnifyingthecontinuedringinginhisears.Hekeptmoving,restingonlywhentheheatfromthefirebegantodiminish.
Serenahadn’tstoppedcoughing,andinthedarkness,herskinlookedalmostblue.Heknewsheneededanambulance.Sheneededoxygen,andhestillhadtogetheroutofthechair.Hesawnothinghecouldusetocuttherope,andhewonderediftheremightbesomethingintheotherbuilding.Justashestartedtowardit,hesawafigurestepoutfromthecornerandmoveintofiringposition.Thebarrelofagunreflectedthefire…
TheshotgunMargolishadmentioned,theoneManninghadsaidmightnotevenwork…
ColinknockedSerenaandthechairoveranddovetoblockherinthesameinstantheheardtheexplosion.Theshotgunhadbeenfiredfromfortyyards,pushingthemaximumrange,andManning’saimhadbeenhigh.Thesecondshotwasslightlymoreaccurate.Colinfeltthepelletstearthroughhisshoulderandupperback,bloodspilling.Hewentdizzyagain,fightingtoremainconsciousasheblearilywatchedManningstartrunningforhiscar.
TherewasnowayColincouldcatchhim.Manning’sfigurerecededandtherewasnothingColincoulddo.Hewonderedwhyitwastakingsolongforthepolicetoarriveandhopedthey’dcatchhim.
Histhoughtswereinterruptedbyaroarasfiresuddenlymushroomedthroughtheroofoftheicehouse,aliveandscreaming,thesoundalmostdeafening.Partofthewallexploded,sendingburningpiecesofwoodandsparksintheirdirection.HecouldbarelyhearSerenacryingthroughhercoughs,andherealizedtheywerestillindanger,tooclosetothefire.TherewasnowayColincoulddragherfarther,buthecouldgethelp,andheforcedhimselftorise.Heneededtogettoaplacewheresomeonewouldseehim.Hestaggeredforwardafewdozensteps,losingblood,hisleftarmandhandnowuseless,hisnerveendingsradiatingagony.
Bythen,ManninghadreachedhiscarandColinsawtheheadlightsflashon.TheCamrytoreawayfromthecurb,headingdirectlytowardhim.
AndtowardSerena.
Colinknewhecouldn’toutrunthecar;nowayhecouldsomuchasdodgeit.ButSerenawasevenmorehelpless,andManningknewexactlywhereshewas.
Grittinghisteeth,Colinstaggeredforwardasfastashecould,creatingdistancebetweenhimandSerena.HopingManningwouldfollowhim.HopingManningwouldflee.ButtheheadlightsremainedaimedinSerena’sdirection.Notknowingwhatelsetodo,Colinstoppedandbeganwavinghisrightarm,tryingtodrawManning’sattention.
HeflippedManningthebird.
TheCamryimmediatelyveeredawayfromSerenaandtowardColin,acceleratingandclosingthedistance.Theicehousecontinuedtoemitaneeriehigh-pitchedshriekasfireconsumedit.ColinstaggeredasfastashecouldawayfromSerena,knowinghehadonlyafewmoreseconds,knowinghewasabouttodie.Thecarwasalmostuponhimwhenallatonce,thegroundinfrontofhimwasbathedinanothersetofheadlightsracingupfromsomewherebehindhim.
HebarelysawtheblurofEvan’sPriusasitcrashedintotheCamrywithear-splittingforce,pushingbothcarstowardthefire.TheCamrysmashedintothecorneroftheicehouse,thePriusbulldozingitforward.Theroofofthebuildingbegantocollapseasflamesleapedfartherupward,towardthesky.
Colintriedtorushforward,buthislegsgaveout.Bloodcontinuedtopulsefromhiswounds,andashelayontheground,hecouldfeelhimselfgrowingdizzyagain.Hecouldhearsirensnow,competingwiththesoundofthefire.Hesuspectedtheyweretoolate,thathewouldn’tsurvive,butthatdidn’tmattertohim.Hecouldn’ttakehiseyesfromthePrius,andhewatchedforthedoortoopenorforthewindowtogodown.EvanandLilycouldescapethefireiftheymovedfast,butthechancesofthathappeningwereslim.
Hehadtogettothem,andtriedagaintorise.Liftinghisheadnearlycausedhimtoblackout.Hethoughthesawswirlingredandbluelightsonthesidestreetsandbrightheadlightsmovingcloser.HeheardpanickedvoicescallingoutforSerenaandforhim,andhewantedtoshoutatthemthattheyshouldhurry,thatEvanandLilyneededhelp,butallthatcameoutwasaraspywhisper.
HeheardMariathen,heardasshescreamedhisnameandreachedhisside.
“I’mhere!”shecried.“Holdon!Theambulanceiscoming!”
Eventhen,Colincouldn’tanswer.Everythinghadbeguntospinandimagesbecamedisjointed,nothingmakingsense.Inoneinstant,thePriuswasswallowedwholebyflames;whenheblinkedagain,onlyhalfofthecarwasgone.Hethoughthesawthepassengerdoorcreakopen,buttherewastoomuchsmokeandtherewerenoothersignsofmovement,andhecouldn’tbesure.Hefelthimselfslippingaway,darknesssettlingin,andinhislastmomentofconsciousness,heprayedthatthetwobestfriendshe’deverknownwouldsomehowmakeitoutalive.EPILOGUE
AprilneverceasedtosurpriseMaria.Thoughshe’dgrownupintheSouthandknewwhattoexpect,therewerealwaysafewgloriousdays,perfectdays,whenitseemedasthoughanythingwerepossible.Cloudlessblueskieswouldgreetgreenlawnsthathadbeenbrownallwinter,andeverythingwouldsuddenlyexplodewithcolor.Dogwoodsandcherrytreesandazaleaswouldburstintolifethroughoutthecity,whiletulipssprangforthfromcarefullytendedgardens.Morningswerecool,butthedayswouldwarmupasthesunrosebrightinthesky.
Todaywasoneofthoseephemeralspringdays,andasMariastoodonthecarefullytendedlawn,shecouldseeSerenachattinganimatedlywithagroupofpeopleMariadidn’trecognize,thesmileonherfacewideandjoyful.Seeinghernow,itwashardtobelievethatuntilrecently,Serenahadstruggledtosmileatall;she’dsufferednightmaresaboutherordealformonths,andwhenshe’dlookedinthemirror,she’dseenbruisesandcutsManninghadinflictedwhileshe’dbeentiedtothechair.Twoofthecutshadleftscars—onenearhereye,theotheronherjawline—buttheywerealreadybeginningtofade.Inanotheryear,Mariadoubtedanyonewouldnoticethematall,unlesstheyknewexactlywheretolook.Butthatwouldalsomeantheywouldhavetorememberthathorriblenight,andwiththosememoriestherewasalwayspain.
IthadbeentwoweeksbeforeDetectiveWright,alongwithastillrecuperatingPeteMargolis,hadmetwithMariaandadmittedthatColinhadbeenrightabouteverything.TheremainsofAtkinson’sbodywerefoundinwhatwasleftoftheburned-outicehouse.BallisticstestingeventuallyconnectedthebulletinAtkinson’sheadtothegunthathadbeeninLester’spossession.Thefiremadeitimpossibletodetermineexactlywhenhe’dbeenkilled,thoughinvestigatorssuspectedthatitwasaroundthetimehe’dvanished.Theywereabletodeterminethathisbodyhadbeenstoredinalarge,otherwiseemptyfreezerinDr.Manning’sgarageinCharlottethankstoafewstrandsofAtkinson’shairfoundfrozentothesides.ResearchintoManning’sbankaccountsshowednumerouscashdisbursements,thenumbersmatchingtheamountsthathadbeentransferredintoAtkinson’saccountstopayhisbills,andalsoconfirmedtherentalofthebungalowinShallotte.
Lester’sfingerprintshadbeenfoundinAtkinson’scar,andinvestigatorshadhopedthatLesterwouldprovideevenmoreanswers.Itwasnottobe.Afterspendingthreedaysintheinfirmaryunderconstantsupervision,hewasevaluatedbyapsychiatristanddeemedfittobereturnedtoacell,subjecttofrequentmonitoring.Laterthatafternoon,Lestermetwithhisattorney,whoreportedthatLester,thoughheavilymedicatedandshakenbythelossofhisfather,seemedfairlylucid.Lesteragreedtobeinterviewedbydetectivesthefollowingday,aslongashisattorneywaspresent.Hewasreturnedtohiscellandfinishedthetrayoffoodthathadbeenbroughttohim.Videorecordingsindicatedthatguardscheckedonhimeveryfifteentotwentyminutes,butLesternonethelessmanagedtohanghimself,usingstripsfromthebedsheetthathe’dtiedtogether.Bythetimetheguardsfoundhim,itwastoolate.
MariawonderedsometimeswhetherLesterhadtrulybeenanaccompliceorwassimplyanothervictimofDr.Manning’s.Ormaybeevenboth.PeteMargolisadmittedafterhewokefromhiscomathathewasunsurewhohadshothim.Dr.Manninghadcalledout,tellinghimtocomein,butMargolissawonlyabriefglimpseofagunbarrelpokingthroughthegapinaclosetdoorbeforehewashit.TheonlythingMariaknewforsurewasthatLesterandDr.Manningwerebothdead,andneitherwouldevercomeforheragain.Butdespitewhatthey’ddonetoherandtoSerena,shesometimesfeltflashesofgriefandpityfortheManningfamily.Ayoungsonwhodiedinanaccident,anoldersistermurdered,amotherlongstrugglingwithdepressionwhocommittedsuicide…Shewonderedwhoshewouldhavebecomehadthosethingshappenedtoher,orhadSerenadiedthatnightintheicehouse.
Glancingoverhershoulder,shesurveyedthecrowdthathadgatheredonthelawnandsilentlycountedherblessings.Hermomanddadweremanagingtokeeptheirprotectiveinstinctsincheck,herjobwithJillwashugelysatisfying,andshe’dusedsomeofherseverancepackagetorefurnishhercondoandbuyanewwardrobe—andstillhadenoughleftovertostartbuildingasmallnestegg.Lastweekend,she’devenwanderedintoacamerashopandfalleninlovewithawildlyexpensiveUVlens.Thewaterwaswarming,too,herpaddleboardcallingtoher…
Theweddinghadbeenspectacular,thoughwithLilydirectingandstage-managing,Mariahadexpectednothingless.WhileWilmingtonwouldalwaysbehome,MariacouldseethatCharlestondefinitelyhaditscharms.Lilywasetherealinherweddingdress,aconfectionoffloatingsatin,tinyseedpearls,andfragilelace.Evanhadbeendreamy-eyedashestaredatherduringtheirvowsatSt.Michael’sChurch.TheoldestreligiousstructureinCharleston,itwasthepreferredweddingvenueforthemorearistocraticfamiliesofCharleston,butwhenLilydrawled,“Why,Isimplycan’timaginewhyanyonewouldwanttobemarriedanywhereelse,”shesomehowmadeitsoundlogicalandsincereratherthansnobbish.
Onthatawfulnight,Lilyhadmiraculouslyescapedunharmed.Evanhadbeenlessfortunate,however.He’demergedwithsecond-degreeburnsonhisbackandacoupleofbrokenbonesinhisleg.He’dbeeninacastfornearlytwomonthsandhadonlyrecentlybegunwalkingwithoutalimpagain,inpartduetohisnewexerciseregime.Hisworkoutsweren’tquiteuptoColin’sstandards,buthe’dconfidedtoMariathathe’dbeenputtingextraworkinonhisarmsandwashopingLilywouldnoticeontheirhoneymoontotheBahamas.
They’dbothhadangelsontheirshoulders.Mariabelievedthatasshe’dseenLilyandEvanemergefromthePrius,andthoughsomepeoplemightlaughatthenotion,shedidn’tcare.
Sheknew.
Behindher,theweddingreceptionwasinfullswing,solemnityfinallygivingwaytofestivities.Lilyhadwantedthereceptionheldatherparents’spacioussecondhomeonthebanksoftheAshleyRiver,andasfarasMariacouldtell,noexpensehadbeenspared.Apalatialwhitetentglowedwithelaboratelystrunglights,andguestsweredancingonaparquetfloorbeforeaten-pieceband.Thefoodhadbeencateredbyoneofthefinestrestaurantsinthecity,andthespringflowerarrangementswereworksofart.Mariaknewshe’dneverhaveaweddinglikethis;itwasn’therstyle.Aslongasshehadherfriendsandfamily—andmaybeacoupleofpi?ataslaterfortheyoungerguests—shewouldbehappy.
Notthatshewasthinkingofgettingmarriedinthenearfuture.Thesubjecthadyettocomeup,andMariahadnointentionofaskingColinaboutitdirectly.Inmostways,Colinhadn’tchangedatall.He’dtellherthetruth,andshewasn’tsureshewasreadytoheartheanswer.Shemightbeinclinedtohintiftheopportunitypresenteditself,buteventhethoughtofthatsometimesmadehernervous.
Colinhadonlyrecentlymanagedtoresumehisworkoutroutine,buthewassometimesfrustratedhewasn’tabletodothethingsheusedtodo,includingMMAtraining.Heneededatleastanothersixmonths,thedoctorsinsisted.Theshotgunblasthadtornthroughpartofhisshouldermuscle,leavingvividscarsandaweaknessthatmightbepermanent.He’dalreadyundergoneoneoperationonhishand,andanotherwasplannedinafewmoremonths.Theinjurythatconcernedthedoctorsmost,however,hadbeentheskullfracture,andhe’dspentfourdaysintheICU,nearPeteMargolis.
MargolishadbeenthefirstonetospeaktoColinwhenheregainedconsciousness
“Theytellmeyousavedmylife,”Margolishadsaidtohim.“Butdon’tthinkthischangesanythingaboutyourdeal.I’mstillgoingtokeepaneyeonyou.”
“Okay,”Colinhadmanagedtocroakout.
“TheyalsotellmethatDr.Manningbeatthecrapoutofyou,andthatEvanendedupbeingtheonewhofinallytookhimout.Ifindthatveryhardtoimagine.”
“Okay,”Colinsaidagain.
“Mywifesaidyoucametocheckonme.Saidyouwerepolite,too.AndthatmyfriendLarryapparentlythinksyou’reprettysmart.”
Histhroatdry,Colinmerelygruntedthistime.
Margolisshookhisheadandsighed.“Domeafavorandstayoutoftrouble.Andonemorething.”Hefinallycrackedasmile.“Thankyou.”
Sincethen,Margolishadn’tdroppedbytocheckonColinevenonce.
MariasensedColin’sapproachandthenfelthisarmsettlearoundher.Sheleanedintohim.
“Thereyouare,”hesaid.“Iwaslookingforyou.”
“It’ssobeautifulbythewater,”shesaid.Sheturned,slippingherarmsaroundhim.
“Maria?”hewhisperedintoherhair.“Wouldyoudosomethingforme?”Whenshepulledbackandlookedathimquizzically,hewenton.“I’dlikeyoutomeetmyparents.”
Hereyeswidened.“They’rehere?Whydidn’tyoutellmeearlier?”
“Iwantedtotalktothemfirst.Seewherewestand.”
“And?”
“They’regoodpeople.Itoldthemaboutyou.Theyaskediftheycouldmeetyou,butIsaidI’dhavetocheckwithyoufirst.”
“OfcourseI’llmeetyourparents.Whywouldyouhavetocheckwithme?”
“Iwasn’tsurewhatelsetosay.I’veneverintroducedthemtoagirlbefore.”
“Never?Wow.Thatmakesmefeelprettyspecial.”
“Itshould.Youare.”
“Solet’sgomeetyourparents.SinceI’msospecialandyou’recrazyaboutmeandyouprobablycan’timaginelivingwithoutme.Infact,youjustmightbethinkingthatI’mtheone,right?”
Hesmiled,hiseyesneverleavinghers.“Okay.”ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Everynovelpresentsitsownuniquesetofchallenges,andthisnovelwasnodifferent.Asalways,therearethosewhosehelpandsupportwereinvaluabletomeasIworkedmywaythroughthosechallenges.
I’dliketothank:
Cathy,whoremainsawonderfulfriend.Shewillalwaysbedeartome.
Ourchildren—Miles,Ryan,Landon,Lexie,andSavannah—forthejoytheycontinuallyaddtomylife.
TheresaPark,myfabulousliteraryagent,manager,andproducingpartner,whoisalwaystheretolistentomeandprovideconstructiveadvicewhenIneeditmost.I’mnotsurewhereIwouldbewithouther.
JamieRaab,myterrificeditor,whoworkswonderswithmymanuscripts.We’veworkedtogetheroneverybook,andIconsidermyselfblessednotonlybecauseofherexpertise,butbecauseofherunwaveringfriendship.
HowieSandersandKeyaKhayatian,myfilmagentsatUTA,whoarenotonlyexceptionalatwhattheydo,they’recreative,intelligent,andfuntobearound.
ScottSchwimer,myentertainmentattorney,isoneofthebestfriendsIhaveintheworld,andmylifehasbeenenrichedbyhispresence.
StaceyLevin,whorunsmytelevisionproductioncompany,isanamazinglytalentedindividual,withgreatinstinctsandpassionforherjob.ThanksalsotoErikaMcGrathandCoreyHanleyfortheirtalentsinthesameareas.LarrySalzatUTA,mytelevisionagent,keepsthecomplexshiprunningassmoothlyaspossible.Iappreciateallthatyoudo.
DeniseDiNovi,theproducerofMessageinaBottle,AWalktoRemember,NightsinRodanthe,TheLuckyOne,andTheBestofMe,withwhomI’vebeenluckytoassociate,hastrue-blueinstincts.Inworkingwithher,I’vealwaysbeentheluckyone.AndmanythankstoAlisonGreenspanaswell,forallyou’vedonewiththesememorableprojects.
MartyBowen,theproducerofTheLongestRide,SafeHaven,andDearJohn,forhisexcellentwork,hiscreativity,hishumor,andfriendship.Ourtimetogetherisalwaysenjoyable.ThanksalsotoWyckGodfrey,whoworkswithMartyineverythingtheydo.
MichaelNyman,CatherineOlim,JillFritzo,andMichaelGeiseratPMK-BNC,mypublicists,whoarefirst-rateattheirjobs,andhavebecomeclosefriendsaswell.
LaQuisheWright—orQ—whohandlesallthingssocialmediarelatedinmyworld,notonlydoesincrediblework,butissomeonewithwhomIsimplyenjoyspendingtime.MollieSmithhandlesmywebsite,andwithoutyouboth,itwouldbeimpossibletokeeppeopleinformedastoallthat’sgoingoninmyworld.
MichaelPietsch,attheHachetteBookGroup,deservesmygratitudeforallhedoestomakemynovelsasuccess.I’mhonoredtoworkwithyou.
PeterSafran,theproducerofTheChoice,forhisenthusiasmandknowledge,andforwelcomingmyteamintoyourexcitingworld.
ElizabethGabler,whohasunbelievablepassionforwhatshedoes,andthetalentanddrivetomakeitwork.TheLongestRidewasaremarkableandbeautifulfilm.Also,mythanksgotoErinSiminoffforherextraordinarycommitmenttomakingthatprojectasuccess.Ilovedworkingwithyouboth.
TuckerTooley,whomIconsiderafriend.I’mhonoredbyyourendlesssupportformywork.
RyanKavanaughandRobbieBrenneratRelativityMedia,forthenumerousgreatfilmsthey’vehelpedtoadaptfrommywork.It’sbeenfabulousworkingwithyouboth.
CourtenayValenti,atWarnerBros.,forhelpingtolaunchtheHollywoodsideofmycareer.It’salwaysfuntocatchupwithyouwheneverI’mintownwithanewproject.
EmilySweet,attheParkLiteraryGroup,isalwaysavailabletolendahelpinghandinwhatevercapacityisneeded.Thankssomuchfortemporarilytakingoverthereinsofmyfoundation,andforlisteningwheneverIcall.
AbbyKoons,attheParkLiteraryGroup,forsodeftlyhandlingmyforeignrights.Iamalwaysawareoftheamazingworkyoudo.You’rethebest,andI’mthefirsttounderstandthat.
AndreaMai,attheParkLiteraryGroup,forallshedoeswithourretailpartnerships.It’sbeenanextraordinaryworkingrelationship,andImustsaythatI’minawewhenitcomestoyourenthusiasmandpersistence.AndmanythanksalsotoAlexandraGreene,whonotonlyperuseseverycontract,buthasincrediblecreativeinstincts.IwouldnotbewhereIamtodaywithoutyouboth.
MygratitudealsogoestoBrianMcLendon,AmandaPritzker,andMaddieCaldwellatGrandCentralPublishing—yourenthusiasmandcommitmentmeantheworldtome
PamPopeandOscaraStevick,myaccountants,havebeenablessinginsomanyways,notonlyfortheirwork,butfortheirfriendship.You’vebothbeenterrific.
TiaScott,myassistant,isnotonlyafriend,butshekeepsmydailylifeontrack.Iappreciateallyoudo.
AndrewSommershasalwaysbeenanessentialsoundingboard,anddoesimportantworkbehindthescenesinmyworld.Mylifehasbeenthebetterforit.ThanksalsotoHannahMenschforallyou’vedonethispastyear.
MichaelArmentroutandKyleHaddad-Fonda,whodoamazingworkattheNicholasSparksFoundation.Thankssomuch.
TraceyLorentzen,whoisalwayswillingtolendahelpinghandinthewaythatImostneedit,whenImostneedit.Idon’tknowwhatIwouldhavedonewithoutyou.
SaraFernstrom,formerlyofUTA,andDavidHerrin,myoracleatUTA,haveuniquetalentsandabilities,andI’vebenefitedmuchfromtheirexpertise.
DwightCarlblomandDavidWang,whoruntheEpiphanySchoolofGlobalStudies,areterrificeducators.Iamsoappreciative.
Michael“Stick”Smith,afriend,whohasalwaysbeentheretolistenandoffersupport.Thenextfewyearsshouldbeinterestingandfun,don’tyouthink?
JeffVanWie,whohasbeenafriendsinceweroomedtogetherincollege.Thanksforalwaysbeingthereforme.
MicahSparks,mybrother,isthebestbrotheraguycouldhave.We’llmakeapointtodomoretravelingtogetherthisyear,okay?
DavidBuchalter,whohelparrangesmyspeeches,isconsistentlyoutstanding.Thanksforeverything.
EricCollins,whohashelpedinwaysthatIcan’tevenexpress.ThesamegoesforJillCompton.Thanks.
PeteKnappandDannyHertz,whoalwaysdidwhatevertheycouldtohelp.Thanks,guys!
Otherfriends,withwhomIalwaysenjoyspeaking,thekindoffriendswhomakelifeworthwhile:ToddandKariWagner,DavidGeffen,AnjanetteSchmeltzer,ChelseaKane,SladeSmiley,JimTyler,PatArmentrout,DrewandBrittanyBrees,ScottEastwood,andBrittRobertson.ALSOBYNICHOLASSPARKS
TheLongestRide
TheBestofMe
SafeHaven
TheLastSong
TheLuckyOne
TheChoice
DearJohn
AtFirstSight
TrueBeliever
ThreeWeekswithMyBrother
TheWedding
TheGuardian
NightsinRodanthe
ABendintheRoad
TheRescue
AWalktoRemember
MessageinaBottle
TheNotebookSeeTHECHOICEintheatersFebruary2016
Anemotionaltaleaboutlovefoundandlost,andthedecisionswehopewe’llneverhavetomake.Pleaseturnthispageforapreviewof
THECHOICEOne
May1996
TellmeagainwhyIagreedtohelpyouwiththis.”Matt,red-facedandgrunting,continuedtopushthespatowardtherecentlycutsquareatthefaredgeofthedeck.Hisfeetslipped,andhecouldfeelsweatpouringfromhisforeheadintothecornersofhiseyes,makingthemsting.Itwashot,waytoohotforearlyMay.Toodamnhotforthis,that’sforsure.EvenTravis’sdog,Moby,washidingintheshadeandpanting,histonguehangingout.
TravisParker,whowaspushingthemassiveboxalongsidehim,managedtoshrug.“Becauseyouthoughtitwouldbefun,”hesaid.Heloweredhisshoulderandshoved;thespa—whichmusthaveweighedfourhundredpounds—movedanothercoupleofinches.Atthisrate,thespashouldbeinplace,oh…sometimenextweek.
“Thisisridiculous,”Mattsaid,heavinghisweightintothebox,thinkingthatwhattheyreallyneededwasateamofmules.Hisbackwaskillinghim.Foramoment,hevisualizedhisearsblowingoffthesidesofhisheadfromthestrain,shootinginbothdirectionslikethebottlerocketsheandTravisusedtolaunchaskids.
“You’vealreadysaidthat.”
“Anditisn’tfun,”Mattgrunted.
“Yousaidthat,too.”
“Anditisn’tgoingtobeeasytoinstall.”
“Sureitis,”Travissaid.Hestoodandpointedtotheletteringonthebox.“See?Itsaysrighthere,‘EasytoInstall.’”Fromhisspotbeneaththeshadytree,Moby—apurebredboxer—barkedasifinagreement,andTravissmiled,lookingwaytoopleasedwithhimself.
Mattscowled,tryingtocatchhisbreath.Hehatedthatlook.Well,notalways.Mostofthetimeheenjoyedhisfriend’sboundlessenthusiasm.Butnottoday.Definitelynottoday.
Mattreachedforthebandannainhisrearpocket.Itwassoakedwithsweat,whichhadofcoursedonewondersfortheseatofhispants.Hewipedhisfaceandwrungthebandannawithaquicktwist.Sweatdribbledfromitlikealeakyfaucetontothetopofhisshoe.Hestaredatitalmosthypnotically,beforefeelingitsoakthroughthelightmeshfabric,givinghistoesanice,slimyfeel.Oh,thatwasjustdandy,wasn’tit?
“AsIrecall,yousaidJoeandLairdwouldbeheretohelpuswithyour‘littleproject’andthatMeganandAllisonwouldcooksomeburgersandwe’dhavebeer,andthat—ohyeah,installingthisthingshouldonlytakeacoupleofhoursatthemost.”
“They’recoming,”Travissaid.
“Yousaidthatfourhoursago.”
“Theymustberunningalittlelate.”
“Maybeyounevercalledthematall.”
“OfcourseIcalledthem.Andthey’rebringingthekids,too.Ipromise.”
“When?”
“Soon.”
“Uh-huh,”Mattanswered.Hestuffedthebandannabackinhispocket.“Andbytheway—assumingtheydon’tarrivesoon,justhowonearthdoyouthinkthetwoofuswillbeabletolowerthisthingintoplace?”
Travisdismissedtheproblemwithawaveasheturnedtowardtheboxagain.“We’llfigureitout.Justthinkhowwellwe’vedonesofar.We’realmosthalfwaythere.”
Mattscowledagain.ItwasSaturday—Saturday!Hisdayofrecreationandrelaxation,hischancetoescapefromthegrindstone,thebreakheearnedafterfivedaysatthebank,thekindofdayheneeded.Hewasaloanofficer,forGod’ssake!Hewassupposedtopushpaper,nothottubs!HecouldhavebeenwatchingtheBravesplaytheDodgers!Hecouldhavebeengolfing!Hecouldhavegonetothebeach!HecouldhavesleptinwithLizbeforeheadingtoherparents’houseliketheydidalmosteverySaturday,insteadofwakingatthecrackofdawnandperformingmanuallaborforeightstraighthoursbeneathascaldingsouthernsun.…
Hepaused.Whowashekidding?Hadhenotbeenhere,hewouldhavedefinitelyspentthedaywithLiz’sparents,whichwas,inallhonesty,themainreasonhe’dagreedtoTravis’srequestinthefirstplace.Butthatwasn’tthepoint.Thepointwas,hedidn’tneedthis.Hereallydidn’t.
“Idon’tneedthis,”hesaid.“Ireallydon’t.”
Travisdidn’tseemtohearhim.Hishandswerealreadyonthebox,andhewasgettingintoposition.“Youready?”
Mattloweredhisshoulder,feelingbitter.Hislegswereshaking.Shaking!Healreadyknewhe’dbeinserious,double-dose-of-Advilpaininthemorning.UnlikeTravis,hedidn’tmakeitintothegymfourdaysaweekorplayracquetballorgorunningorgoscubadivinginArubaorsurfinginBaliorskiinginVailoranythingelsetheguydid.“Thisisn’tfun,youknow?”
Traviswinked.“Yousaidthatalready,remember?”
“Wow!”Joecommented,liftinganeyebrowashewalkedtheperimeterofthehottub.Bythen,thesunwasbeginningitsdescent,streamsofgoldreflectingoffthebay.Inthedistance,aheronbrokefromthetreesandgracefullyskimmedthesurface,dispersingthelight.JoeandMegan,alongwithLairdandAllison,hadarrivedafewminutesbeforewithkidsintow,andTraviswasshowingthemaround.“Thislooksgreat!Youtwodidallofthistoday?”
Travisnodded,holdinghisbeer.“Itwasn’tsobad,”hesaid.“IthinkMattevenenjoyedit.”
JoeglancedatMatt,wholayflattenedinalawnchairofftothesideofthedeck,acoldragoverhishead.Evenhisbelly—Matthadalwaysbeenonthepudgyside—seemedtosag.
“Icanseethat.”
“Wasitheavy?”
“LikeanEgyptiansarcophagus!”Mattcroaked.“Oneofthosegoldonesthatonlycranescanmove!”
Joelaughed.“Canthekidsgetin?”
“Notyet.Ijustfilledit,andthewaterwilltakealittlewhiletoheatup.Thesunwillhelp,though.”
“Thesunwillheatitwithinminutes!”Mattmoaned.“Withinseconds!”
Joegrinned.Lairdandthethreeofthemhadgonetoschooltogethersincekindergarten.
“Toughday,Matt?”
MattremovedtheragandscowledatJoe.“Youhavenoidea.Andthanksforshowingupontime.”
“Travissaidtobehereatfive.IfIhadknownyouneededhelp,Iwouldhavecomeearlier.”
MattslowlyshiftedhisgazetoTravis.Hereallyhatedhisfriendsometimes.
“How’sTinadoing?”Travissaid,changingthesubject.“IsMegangettinganysleep?”
MeganwaschattingwithAllisonatthetableonthefarendofthedeck,andJoeglancedbrieflyinherdirection.“Some.Tina’scoughisgoneandshe’sbeenabletosleepthroughthenightagain,butsometimesIjustthinkthatMeganisn’twiredtosleep.Atleast,notsinceshebecameamom.ShegetsupevenifTinahasn’tmadeapeep.It’slikethequietwakesherup.”
“She’sagoodmom,”Travissaid.“Shealwayshasbeen.”
JoeturnedtoMatt.“Where’sLiz?”heasked.
“Sheshouldbehereanyminute,”Mattanswered,hisvoicefloatingupasiffromthedead.“Shespentthedaywithherparents.”
“Lovely,”Joecommented.
“Benice.They’regoodpeople.”
“Iseemtorecallyousayingthatifyouhadtositthroughonemoreofyourfather-in-law’sstoriesabouthisprostatecancerorlistentoyourmother-in-lawfretaboutHenrygettingfiredagain—eventhoughitwasn’thisfault—youweregoingtostickyourheadintheoven.”
Mattstruggledtositup.“Ineversaidthat!”
“Yes,youdid.”JoewinkedasMatt’swife,Liz,roundedthecornerofthehousewithBentoddlingjustinfrontofher.“Butdon’tworry.Iwon’tsayaword.”
Matt’seyesdartednervouslyfromLiztoJoeandbackagain,checkingtoseeifshe’dheard.
“Hey,y’all!”Lizcalledoutwithafriendlywave,leadinglittleBenbythehand.ShemadeabeelineforMeganandAllison.Benbrokeawayandtoddledtowardtheotherkidsintheyard.
JoesawMattsighinrelief.Hegrinnedandloweredhisvoice.“So…Matt’sin-laws.Isthathowyouconnedhimintocominghere?”
“Imighthavementionedit,”Travissmirked.
Joelaughed.
“Whatareyouguyssaying?”Mattcalledoutsuspiciously.
“Nothing,”theysaidinunison.
Later,withthesundownandthefoodeaten,MobycurledupatTravis’sfeet.Ashelistenedtothesoundofthekidssplashingawayinthespa,Travisfeltawaveofsatisfactionwashoverhim.Thiswashisfavoritekindofevening,whiledawaytothesoundofsharedlaughterandfamiliarbanter.OneminuteAllisonwastalkingtoJoe;thenextminuteshewaschattingwithLizandthenLairdorMatt;andsoonforeveryoneseatedaroundtheoutdoortable.Nopretenses,noattemptstoimpress,noonetryingtoshowanyoneup.Hislife,hesometimesthought,resembledabeercommercial,andforthemostpart,hewascontentsimplytoridethecurrentofgoodfeeling.
Everynowandthen,oneofthewiveswouldgetuptocheckonthekids.Laird,Joe,andMatt,ontheotherhand,reservedtheirchild-rearingdutiesattimeslikethesetoperiodicallyraisingtheirvoicesinhopesofcalmingdownthekidsorpreventingthemfromteasingoraccidentallyhurtingoneanother.Sure,oneofthekidswouldthrowatantrumnowandthen,butmostproblemsweresolvedwithaquickkissonascrapedkneeorahugthatwasastendertowatchfromadistanceasitmusthavebeenforthekidtoreceive.
Travislookedaroundthetable,pleasedthathischildhoodfriendsnotonlyhadbecomegoodhusbandsandfathers,butwerestillapartofhislife.Itdidn’talwaysturnoutthatway.Atthirty-two,heknewthatlifewassometimesagamble,andhe’dsurvivedmorethanhisshareofaccidentsandfalls,someofwhichshouldhaveinflictedfarmoreseriousbodilyinjurythantheyhad.Butitwasn’tjustthat.Lifewasunpredictable.Othershe’dknowngrowinguphadalreadydiedincaraccidents,beenmarriedanddivorced,foundthemselvesaddictedtodrugsorbooze,orsimplymovedawayfromthistinytown,theirfacesalreadyblurringinhismemory.Whatweretheoddsthatthefourofthem—who’dknownoneanothersincekindergarten—wouldfindthemselvesintheirearlythirtiesstillspendingweekendstogether?Prettysmall,hethought.Butsomehow,afterhangingtogetherthroughalltheadolescentacneandgirltroublesandpressurefromtheirparents,thenheadingofftofourdifferentcollegeswithdifferingcareergoals,theyhadeach,onebyone,movedbackheretoBeaufort.Theyweremorelikefamilythanfriends,rightdowntocodedexpressionsandsharedexperiencesthatnooutsiderscouldeverfullyunderstand.
Andmiraculously,thewivesgotalong,too.They’dcomefromdifferentbackgroundsanddifferentpartsofthestate,butmarriage,motherhood,andtheendlessgossipofsmall-townAmericaweremorethanenoughtokeepthemchattingregularlyonthephoneandbondinglikelong-lostsisters.Lairdhadbeenthefirsttomarry—heandAllisonhadtiedtheknotthesummeraftertheygraduatedfromWakeForest;JoeandMeganwalkedtheaisleayearlater,afterfallinginloveduringtheirsenioryearatNorthCarolina.Matt,who’dgonetoDuke,metLizhereinBeaufort,andtheyweremarriedayearafterthat.Travishadbeenthebestmaninallthreeweddings.
Somethingshadchangedinthepastfewyears,ofcourse,largelybecauseofthenewadditionstothefamilies.Lairdwasn’talwaysavailabletogomountainbiking,Joecouldn’tjoinTravisonthespurofthemomenttogoskiinginColoradoasheusedto,andMatthadallbutgivenuptryingtokeepupwithhimonmostthings.Butthatwasokay.Theywereallstillavailableenough,andamongthethreeofthem—andwithenoughplanning—hewasstillabletomakethemostofhisweekends.
Lostinthought,Travishadn’trealizedthattheconversationhadlapsed.
“DidImisssomething?”
“Iaskedifyou’dtalkedtoMonicalately,”Megansaid,hertonelettingTravisknowhewasintrouble.Allsixofthem,hethought,tookabittoomuchinterestinhislovelife.Thetroublewithmarriedpeoplewasthattheyseemedtobelievethateveryonetheyknewshouldgetmarried.EverywomanTravisdatedwasthussubjectedtosubtle,thoughunyielding,evaluation,especiallybyMegan.Shewasusuallytheringleaderatmomentslikethese,alwaystryingtofigureoutwhatmadeTravistickwhenitcametowomen.AndTravis,ofcourse,lovednothingmorethantopushherbuttonsinreturn.
“Notrecently,”hesaid.
“Whynot?She’snice.”
She’salsomorethanalittleneurotic,Travisthought.Butthatwasbesidethepoint.
“Shebrokeupwithme,remember?”
“So?Itdoesn’tmeanshedoesn’twantyoutocall.”
“Ithoughtthat’sexactlywhatitmeant.”
Megan,alongwithAllisonandLiz,staredathimasifhewerejustplaindense.Theguys,asusual,seemedtobeenjoyingthis.Itwasaregularfeatureoftheirevenings.
“Butyouwerefighting,right?”
“So?”
“Didyoueverthinkshemighthavesimplybrokenupwithyoubecauseshewasangry?”
“Iwasangry,too.”
“Why?’
“Shewantedmetoseeatherapist.”
“Andletmeguess—yousaidyoudidn’tneedtoseeone.”
“ThedayIneedtoseeatherapististhedayyouseemehikeupmyskirtandcrochetsomemittens.”
JoeandLairdlaughed,butMegan’seyebrowsshotup.Megan,theyallknew,watchedOprahnearlyeveryday.
“Youdon’tthinkmenneedtherapy?”
“IknowIdon’t.”
“Butgenerallyspeaking?”
“SinceI’mnotageneral,Ireallycouldn’tsay.”
Meganleanedbackinherchair.“IthinkMonicamightbeontosomething.Ifyouaskme,Ithinkyouhavecommitmentissues.”
“ThenI’llmakesurenottoaskyou.”
Meganleanedforward.“What’sthelongestyou’veeverdatedsomeone?Twomonths?Fourmonths?”
Travisponderedthequestion.“IdatedOliviaforalmostayear.”
“Idon’tthinkshe’stalkingabouthighschool,”Lairdcracked.Occasionally,hisfriendsenjoyedthrowinghimunderthebus,sotospeak.
“Thanks,Laird,”Travissaid.
“Whatarefriendsfor?”
“You’rechangingthesubject,”Meganremindedhim.
Travisdrummedhisfingersonhisleg.“IguessI’dhavetosay…Ican’tremember.”
“Inotherwords,notlongenoughtoremember?”
“WhatcanIsay?I’veyettomeetanywomanwhocouldmeasureuptoanyofyou.”
Despitethegrowingdarkness,hecouldtellshewaspleasedbyhiswords.He’dlearnedlongagothatflatterywashisbestdefenseatmomentslikethese,especiallysinceitwasusuallysincere.Megan,Liz,andAllisonwereterrific.Allheartandloyaltyandgenerouscommonsense.
“Well,justsoyouknow,Ilikeher,”shesaid.
“Yeah,butyoulikeeveryoneIdate.”
“No,Idon’t.Ididn’tlikeLeslie.”
NoneofthewiveshadlikedLeslie.Matt,Laird,andJoe,ontheotherhand,hadn’tmindedhercompanyatall,especiallywhensheworeherbikini.Shewasdefinitelyabeauty,andwhileshewasn’tthetypehe’devermarry,they’dhadalotoffunwhileitlasted.
“I’mjustsayingthatIthinkyoushouldgiveheracall,”shepersisted.
“I’llthinkaboutit,”hesaid,knowinghewouldn’t.Herosefromthetable,anglingforanescape.“Anyoneneedanotherbeer?”
JoeandLairdliftedtheirbottlesinunison;theothersshooktheirheads.Travisstartedforthecoolerbeforehesitatingneartheslidingglassdoorofhishouse.HedartedinsideandchangedtheCD,listeningtothestrainsofnewmusicfilteringoutovertheyardashebroughtthebeersbacktothetable.Bythen,Megan,Allison,andLizwerealreadychattingaboutGwen,thewomanwhodidtheirhair.Gwenalwayshadgoodstories,manyofwhichconcernedtheillicitpredilectionsofthetown’scitizens.
Travisnursedhisbeersilently,lookingoutoverthewater.
“Whatareyouthinkingabout?”Lairdasked.
“It’snotimportant.”
“Whatisit?”
Travisturnedtowardhim.“Didyouevernoticehowsomecolorsareusedforpeople’snamesbutothersaren’t?”
“Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
“WhiteandBlack.LikeMr.White,theguywhoownsthetirestore.AndMr.Black,ourthird-gradeteacher.OrevenMr.GreenfromthegameClueButyouneverhearofsomeonenamedMr.OrangeorMr.Yellow.It’slikesomecolorsmakegoodnames,butothercolorsjustsoundstupid.YouknowwhatImean?”
“Ican’tsayI’veeverthoughtaboutit.”
“Meneither.Notuntiljustaminuteago,Imean.Butit’skindofstrange,isn’tit?”
“Sure,”Lairdfinallyagreed.
Bothmenwerequietforamoment.“Itoldyouitwasn’timportant.”
“Yes,youdid.”
“WasIright?”
“Yep.”
WhenlittleJosiehadhersecondtempertantruminafifteen-minutespan—itwasalittlebeforenine—AllisonscoopedherintoherarmsandgaveLairdthelook,theonethatsaiditwastimetogosotheycouldgetthekidsinbed.Lairddidn’tbotherarguing,andwhenhestoodupfromthetable,MeganglancedatJoe,LiznoddedatMatt,andTravisknewtheeveningwasatanend.Parentsmightbelievethemselvestobethebosses,butintheenditwasthekidswhomadetherules.
Hesupposedhecouldhavetriedtotalkoneofhisfriendsintostaying,andmightevenhavegottenonetoagree,buthehadlongsincegrownaccustomedtothefactthathisfriendslivedtheirlivesbyadifferentschedulefromhis.Besides,hehadasneakingsuspicionthatStephanie,hisyoungersister,mightswingbylater.ShewascominginfromChapelHill,whereshewasworkingtowardamaster’sdegreeinbiochemistry.Thoughshewouldstayattheirparents’place,shewasusuallywiredafterthedriveandinthemoodtotalk,andtheirparentswouldalreadybeinbed.Megan,Joe,andLizroseandstartedtocleanupthetable,butTraviswavedthemoff.
“I’llgetitinawhile.Nobigdeal.”
Afewminuteslater,twoSUVsandaminivanwerebeingloadedwithchildren.Travisstoodonthefrontporchandwavedastheypulledoutofthedriveway.
Whentheyweregone,Traviswanderedbacktothestereo,sortedthroughtheCDsagain,andchoseTattooYoubytheRollingStones,thencrankedupthevolume.Hepulledatanotherbeeronhiswaybacktohischair,threwhisfeetuponthetable,andleanedback.Mobysatbesidehim.
“Justyouandmeforawhile,”hesaid.“WhattimedoyouthinkStephaniewillberollingin?”
Mobyturnedaway.UnlessTravissaidthewordswalkorballorgoforarideorcomegetabone,Mobywasn’tmuchinterestedinanythinghehadtosay.
“DoyouthinkIshouldcallhertoseeifshe’sonherwayyet?”Mobycontinuedtostare.
“Yeah,that’swhatIthought.She’llgetherewhenshegetshere.”
Hesatdrinkinghisbeerandstaredoutoverthewater.Behindhim,Mobywhined.“Youwanttogogetyourball?”hefinallysaid.
Mobystoodsoquickly,healmostknockedoverthechair.
Itwasthemusic,shethought,thatprovedtobetheclincherinwhathadalreadybeenoneofthemostmiserableweeksofherlife.Loudmusic.Okay,nineo’clockonaSaturdaynightwasn’tsobad,especiallysinceheobviouslyhadcompany,andteno’clockwasn’tallthatunreasonable,either.Buteleveno’clock?Whenhewasaloneandplayingfetchwithhisdog?
Fromherbackdeck,shecouldseehimjustsittingthereinthesameshortshe’dwornallday,feetonthetable,tossingtheballandstaringattheriver.Whatonearthcouldhebethinking?
Maybesheshouldn’tbesohardonhim;sheshouldsimplyignorehim.Itwashishouse,right?Kingofthecastleandallthat.Hecoulddowhathewanted.Butthatwasn’ttheproblem.Theproblemwasthathehadneighbors,includingher,andshehadacastle,too,andneighborsweresupposedtobeconsiderate.Andtruthbetold,he’dcrossedtheline.Notjustbecauseofthemusic.Inallhonesty,shelikedthemusichewaslisteningtoandusuallydidn’treallycarehowloudorhowlongheplayedit.Theproblemwaswithhisdog,Nobby,orwhateverhecalledhim.Morespecifically,whathisdoghaddonetoherdog.TeresaPalmerstarsas‘GabbyHolland’inTHECHOICE.(MotionPictureArtwork?2015LionsGateEntertainmentInc.AllRightsReserved.)TravisShaw(BenWalker)andGabbyHolland(TeresaPalmer)inTHECHOICE.(MotionPictureArtwork?2015LionsGateEntertainmentInc.AllRightsReserved.)TravisShaw(BenWalker)andGabbyHolland(TeresaPalmer)inTHECHOICE.(MotionPictureArtwork?2015LionsGateEntertainmentInc.AllRightsReserved.)Thankyouforbuyingthisebook,publishedbyHachette
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COVER
TITLEPAGE
WELCOME
DEDICATION
PROLOGUE
CHAPTER1:Colin
CHAPTER2:Maria
CHAPTER3:Colin
CHAPTER4:Maria
CHAPTER5:Colin
CHAPTER6:Maria
CHAPTER7:Colin
CHAPTER8:Maria
CHAPTER9:Colin
CHAPTER10:Maria
CHAPTER11:Colin
CHAPTER12:Maria
CHAPTER13:Colin
CHAPTER14:Maria
CHAPTER15:Colin
CHAPTER16:Maria
CHAPTER17:Colin
CHAPTER18:Maria
CHAPTER19:Colin
CHAPTER20:Maria
CHAPTER21:Colin
CHAPTER22:Maria
CHAPTER23:Colin
CHAPTER24:Maria
CHAPTER25:Colin
CHAPTER26:Maria
CHAPTER27:Colin
CHAPTER28:Maria
CHAPTER29:Colin
CHAPTER30:Maria
CHAPTER31:Colin
CHAPTER32:Maria
CHAPTER33:Colin
EPILOGUE
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
ALSOBYNICHOLASSPARKS
APREVIEWOFTHECHOICE
NEWSLETTERS
COPYRIGHT
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TableofContentsCopyright
Thisbookisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,places,andincidentsaretheproductoftheauthor’simaginationorareusedfictitiously.Anyresemblancetoactualevents,locales,orpersons,livingordead,iscoincidental.
Copyright?2015byWillowHoldings,Inc.
CoverDesignbyClaireBrown
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CoverphotographofrosesbyHermanEstevez
Covercopyright?2015byHachetteBookGroup,Inc.
ExcerptfromTheChoicecopyright?2007byNicholasSparks
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ISBN978-1-455-52059-6
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