THINGSWEHIDEFROMTHELIGHT
LUCYSCORE
Copyright?2023LucyScore
Allrightsreserved
NoPartofthisbookmaybereproducedinanyformorbyanyelectricormechanicalmeans,includinginformationstorageandretrievalsystems,withoutpriorwrittenpermissionfromthepublisher.
Thebookisaworkoffiction.Thecharactersandeventsinthisbookarefictitious.Anysimilaritytorealpersons,livingordead,ispurelycoincidentalandnotintendedbytheauthor.
ISBN:979-8-88643-904-5(ebook)
ISBN:979-8-88643-905-2(paperback)
lucyscore.com
021623CONTENTS
1.TinyLittleEmbers
2.AvoidanceTactics
3.DeadinaDitch
4.DownrightFilthy
5.WhatHappensintheShowerStaysintheShower
6.TheMiddleofaPissingContest
7.WeWeren’tDryHumping
8.GreenBeansandLies
9.ANeighborlyCockblocking
10.SweatingwiththeOldies
11.PanickingNeverHelps
12.WelcometotheDangerZone
13.BedBuddies
14.SnackCakeHeistsandBadApples
15.SataninaSuit
16.APairofThank-Yous
17.PillowTalk
18.EggsBenedictforAssholes
19.KhakiIsNotHerColor
20.CarpoolConfessions
21.Fan,MeetShit
22.SoccerGameShowdown
23.TeamLina
24.PecanPiePunchandPointyElbows
25.SpeedingTicket
26.NashWho?
27.SnakesandShakes
28.SharkWeekCrappyHour
29.WinningCareerDay
30.SurveillancewithaSideofDrama
31.WouldYouLikeOnionRingswithThat?
32.ACourtesyWarning
33.BookorTreat
34.Inevitable
35.PushedTooFar
36.HighFivesandOrgasms
37.AHoleintheWall
38.FirstDate
39.TheGang’sAllHere
40.SmilePrettyfortheCamera
41.WordsofWisdom
42.ChocolateChocolateChonk
43.BadDay,BadAdvice
44.EyeWater
45.APerfectlyGoodParachute
46.BlametheCandyPenises
47.PantslessandAssUp
48.TheyKidnappedtheWrongGirl
49.AScoretoSettle
50.BrecklinIstheWorst
51.WhenDidYouStabHimwithaPitchfork?
Epilogue
Author’sNotetotheReader
AbouttheAuthor
Acknowledgments
Lucy’sTitlesInmemoryofChrisWaller,thereaderhusbandwhoreachedoutandaskedmetoincludetheword“gusset”inabookjustsohecouldwinabetwithhiswife.Kate,Ihopeitmakesyousmilewhenyoufinditagaininside.ONE
TINYLITTLEEMBERS
Nash
Thefederalagentsinmyofficewereluckyfortworeasons.
First,mylefthookwasn’twhatithadbeenbeforegettingshot.
Andsecond,Ihadn’tbeenabletoworkmywayupintofeelinganything,letalonemadenoughtomakemeconsiderdoingsomethingstupid.
“TheBureauunderstandsyouhaveapersonalinterestinfindingDuncanHugo,”SpecialAgentSonalIdlersaidfromacrossmydeskwhereshesatwitharamrod-straightspine.Sheflickedhergazetothecoffeestainonmyshirt.
Shewasasteelywomaninapantsuitwholookedasthoughsheateproceduresforbreakfast.Themannexttoher,DeputyU.S.MarshalNolanGraham,hadamustacheandthelookofamanforcedintosomethinghereallydidn’twanttodo.Healsolookedlikeheblamedmeforit.
Iwantedtoworkmywayuptopissedoff.Wantedtofeelsomethingotherthanthegreat,suckingvoidthatrolledoverme,inevitableasthetide.Buttherewasnothing.Justmeandthevoid.
“Butwecan’thaveyouandyourboysandgirlsrunningaroundmuckingupmyinvestigation,”Idlercontinued.
Ontheothersideoftheglass,SergeantGraveHopperwasdumpingapintofsugarintohiscoffeeandglaringdaggersatthetwofeds.Behindhim,therestofthebullpenbuzzedwiththeusualenergyofasmall-townpolicedepartment.
Phonesrang.Keyboardsclicked.Officersserved.Andthecoffeesucked.
Everyonewasaliveandbreathing.Everyonebutme.
Iwasjustpretending.
Icrossedmyarmsandignoredthesharptwingeinmyshoulder.
“Iappreciatetheprofessionalcourtesy.Butwhat’swiththespecialinterest?I’mnottheonlycoptotakeabulletinthelineofduty.”
“Youalsoweren’ttheonlynameonthatlist,”Grahamsaid,speakingupforthefirsttime.
Myjawtightened.Thelistwaswherethisnightmarehadbegun.
“Butyouwerethefirstonetargeted,”Idlersaid.“YournamewasonthatlistofLEOsandinformants.Butthisthingisbiggerthanoneshooting.Thisisthefirsttimewe’vegotsomethingthatcouldsticktoAnthonyHugo.”
ItwasthefirsttimeI’dheardanykindofemotioninhervoice.SpecialAgentIdlerhadherownpersonalagenda,andnailingcrimebossAnthonyHugotothewallwasit.
“Ineedthiscasetobeairtight,”shecontinued.“Whichiswhywecan’thaveanylocalstryingtotakemattersintotheirownhands.Evenifthey’vegotbadges.Thegreatergoodalwayscomeswithapricetag.”
Irubbedahandovermyjawandwassurprisedtofindmorethanafive-o’clockshadowthere.Shavinghadn’texactlybeenhighonmyprioritylistlately.
SheassumedI’dbeeninvestigating.Reasonablegiventhecircumstances.Butshedidn’tknowmydirtylittlesecret.Noonedid.Imightbehealingontheoutside.Imightputonmyuniformandshowupatthestationeveryday.Butontheinside,therewasnothingleft.Notevenadesiretofindthemanresponsibleforthis.
“WhatdoyouexpectmydepartmenttodoifDuncanHugocomesbackherelookingtoshootholesinafewmoreofitscitizens?Looktheotherway?”Idrawled.
Thefedssharedalook.“Iexpectyoutokeepusapprisedofanylocalhappeningsthatmighttieintoourcase,”Idlersaidfirmly.“We’vegotafewmoreresourcesatourdisposalthanyourdepartment.Andnopersonalagendas.”
Ifeltaflickerofsomethinginthenothingness.Shame.
Ishouldhaveapersonalagenda.Shouldbeouttherehuntingdownthemanmyself.Ifnotforme,thenforNaomiandWaylay.He’dvictimizedmybrother’sfiancéeandhernieceinanotherway,byabductingthemandterrorizingthemoverthelistthathadearnedmetwobulletholes.
Butpartofmehaddiedinthatditchthatnight,andwhatwasleftdidn’tseemlikeitwasworthfightingfor.
“MarshalGrahamherewillbestayingcloseforawhile.Keepinganeyeonthings,”Idlercontinued.
Mustachedidn’tlookanyhappieraboutthatthanIwas.
“Anyparticularkindofthings?”Iasked.
“Allremainingtargetsonthelistarereceivingfederalprotectionuntilweascertainthatthethreatisnolongerimminent,”Idlerexplained.
Christ.Thewholedamntownwasgoingtobeinanuproariftheyfoundoutfederalagentswerehangingaroundwaitingforsomeonetobreakthelaw.AndIdidn’thavetheenergyforanuproar.
“Idon’tneedprotection,”Isaid.“IfDuncanHugohadtwobraincellstorubtogether,hewouldn’tbehangingaroundhere.He’slonggone.”Atleast,thatwaswhatItoldmyselflateatnightwhenthesleepwouldn’tcome.
“Allduerespect,Chief,you’retheonewhogothimselfshot.You’reluckyyou’restillhere,”Grahamsaidwithasmugtwitchofhismustache.
“Whataboutmybrother’sfiancéeandniece?Hugokidnappedthem.Aretheygettingprotection?”
“WehavenoreasontobelievethatNaomiandWaylayWittareinanydangeratthistime,”Idlersaid.
Thetwingeinmyshouldergraduatedtoadullthrobtomatchtheoneinmyhead.Iwaslowonsleepandpatience,andifIdidn’tgetthesetwopainsintheassoutofmyoffice,Iwasn’tconfidentIcouldkeepthingscivil.
MusteringasmuchsoutherncharmasIcould,Irosefrombehindmydesk.“Understood.Now,ify’allwillexcuseme,Ihaveatowntoserve.”
Theagentsgottotheirfeetandweexchangedperfunctoryhandshakes.
“I’dappreciateitifyou’dkeepmeintheloop.Seein’ashowI’vegota‘personalinterest’andall,”Isaidastheyhitthedoor.
“We’llbesuretosharewhatwecan,”Idlersaid.“We’llalsobeexpectingacallfromyouassoonasyourememberanythingfromtheshooting.”
“Willdo,”Isaidthroughgrittedteeth.Betweenthetrifectaofphysicalwounds,memoryloss,andtheemptynumbness,IwasashadowofthemanI’dbeen.
“Beseein’you,”Grahamsaid.Itsoundedlikeathreat.
Iwaiteduntilthey’dstruttedtheirassesoutofmystationbeforesnaggingmyjacketoffthecoatrack.TheholeinmyshoulderprotestedwhenIshovedmyarmintothesleeve.Theoneinmytorsodidn’tfeelmuchbetter.
“Youallright,Chief?”GraveaskedwhenIsteppedoutintothebullpen.
Undernormalcircumstances,mysergeantwouldhaveinsistedonaplay-by-playofthemeetingfollowedbyanhour-longbitchsessionaboutjurisdictionalbullshit.ButsinceI’dgottenmyselfshotandalmostkilled,everyonewasdoingtheirdamnedesttotreatmewithkidgloves.
MaybeIwasn’thidingthingsaswellasIthought.
“Fine,”Isaid,harsherthanI’dintended.
“Headingout?”heprodded.
“Yeah.”
Theeagernewpatrolofficerpoppedupoutofherchairlikeitwasspring-loaded.“Ifyouwantlunch,IcanpicksomethingupforyoufromDino’s,Chief,”sheoffered.
BornandraisedinKnockemout,TashiBannerjeewaspoliceacademyfresh.Now,hershoesgleamedandherdarkhairwasscrapedbackinaregulations-exceedingbun.Butfouryearsago,she’dbeenticketedinhighschoolwithridingahorsethroughafast-fooddrive-thru.Mostofthedepartmenthadskirtedthelineofthelawatsomepointinouryouth,whichmadeitmeanmorethatwechosetoupholditratherthancircumventit.
“Icangetmyowndamnlunch,”Isnapped.
Herfacefellforjustasecondbeforesherecovered,makingmefeellikeI’djustlandedakicktoapuppy.Fuck.Iwasturningintomybrother.
“Thanksfortheofferthough,”Iaddedinaslightlylessantagonizedtone.
Great.NowIhadtodosomethingnice.Again.MakeyetanotherI’m-sorry-for-being-an-assholegesturethatIdidn’thavetheenergyfor.Sofarthisweek,I’dbroughtincoffee,doughnuts,and—afteraparticularlyembarrassinglossoftemperoverthethermostatinthebullpen—gasstationcandybars.
“I’mheadingouttoPT.Bebackinanhourorso.”
Withthat,IsteppedoutintothehallandstrodetowardtheexitlikeIhadbusinesstoattendtojustincaseanyoneelsehadamindtotrytostrikeupaconversation.
Iblankedmymindandtriedtofocusonwhatwashappeningrightinfrontofme.
ThefullforceofnorthernVirginiafallhitmewhenIshovedmywaythroughtheglassdoorsoftheKnoxMorganMunicipalCenter.Thesunwasshininginaskysoblueithurttheeyes.Thetreesliningthestreetwereputtingonashowastheirleavesgaveupthegreenforrussets,yellows,andoranges.Pumpkinsandhaybalesdominatedthedowntownwindowdisplays.
IglancedupattheroarofabikeandwatchedHarveyLithgowcruiseby.Hehaddevilhornsonhishelmetandaplasticskeletonlasheduprighttotheseatbehindhim.
Heraisedahandingreetingbeforerumblingoffdowntheroaddoingatleastfifteenoverthepostedspeedlimit.Alwayspushingtheboundsofthelaw.
Fallhadalwaysbeenmyfavoriteseason.Newbeginnings.Prettygirlsinsoftsweaters.Footballseason.Homecoming.Coldnightsmadewarmerwithbourbonandbonfires.
Buteverythingwasdifferentnow.Iwasdifferentnow.
SinceI’dliedaboutphysicaltherapy,Icouldn’tverywellbeseengrabbinglunchdowntown,soIheadedforhome.
I’dmakeasandwichIdidn’twanttoeat,sitinsolitude,andtrytofindawaytomakeitthroughtherestofthedaywithoutbeingtoomuchofadick.
Ineededtogetmyshittogether.Itwasn’tthatfuckinghardtopushpapersandmakeafewappearancesliketheuselessfigureheadInowwas.
“Mornin’,chief,”TallulahSt.John,ourresidentmechanicandco-ownerofCaféRev,greetedmeasshejaywalkedrightinfrontofme.Herlong,blackbraidsweregatheredovertheshoulderofhercoveralls.Shehadagrocerytoteinonehandandacoffee,mostlikelymadebyherhusband,intheother.
“Mornin’,Tallulah.”
Knockemout’sfavoritepastimewasignoringthelaw.WhereIstucktotheblackandwhite,sometimesitfeltliketherestofthepeoplearoundmelivedentirelyinthegray.Foundedbylawlessrebels,mytownhadlittleuseforrulesandregulations.Thepreviouspolicechiefhadbeenhappytoleavecitizenstofendforthemselveswhileheshineduphisbadgeasastatussymbolandusedhispositionforpersonalgainformorethantwentyyears.
I’dbeenchiefnowfornearlyfiveyears.Thistownwasmyhome,thecitizens,myfamily.ClearlyI’dfailedtoteachthemtorespectthelaw.AndnowitwasonlyamatteroftimebeforetheyallrealizedIwasnolongercapableofprotectingthem.
Myphonepingedinmypocket,andIreachedforitwithmylefthandbeforerememberingInolongercarrieditonthatside.Onamutteredoath,Ipulleditfreewithmyright.
Knox:Tellthefedstheycankissyourass,myass,andthewholedamntown’sasswhilethey’reatit.
Ofcoursemybrotherknewaboutthefeds.AnalertprobablywentoutthesecondtheirsedanrolledontoMainStreet.ButIwasn’tupforadiscussionaboutit.Iwasn’tupforanythingreally.
Thephoneranginmyhand.
Naomi.
Itwasn’tthatlongagothatIwouldhavebeeneagerashelltoanswerthatcall.I’dhadathingforthenew-in-townwaitressridingastreakofbadluck.Butshe’dfallen,inexplicably,formygrumpy-assbrotherinstead.I’dgivenupthecrush—easierthanI’dthought—buthadenjoyedKnox’sannoyanceeverytimehissoon-to-bewifecheckedinonme.
Now,though,itfeltlikeonemoreresponsibilitythatIjustcouldn’thandle.
IsentthecalltovoicemailasIroundedthecornerontomystreet.
“Mornin’,chief,”Neeceycalledasshehauledthepizzashop’seaselsignoutthefrontdoor.Dino’sopenedat11:00a.m.onthedotsevendaysaweek.WhichmeantI’donlymadeitfourhoursintomyworkdaybeforeI’dhadtobail.Anewrecord.
“Morning,Neece,”Isaidwithoutenthusiasm.
Iwantedtogohomeandclosethedoor.Toshutouttheworldandsinkintothatdarkness.Ididn’twanttostopeverysixfeettohaveaconversation.
“Heardthatfedwiththemustacheisstickin’around.Thinkhe’llenjoyhisstayatthemotel?”shesaidwithawickedgleaminhereyes.
Thewomanwasaglasses-wearing,gum-chewinggossipwhochatteduphalfthetowneveryshift.Butshehadapoint.Knockemout’smotelwasahealthinspector’swetdream.Violationsoneverypageofthehandbook.Someoneneededtobuythedamnthingandtearitdown.
“Sorry,Neece.Gottatakethis,”Ilied,bringingthephonetomyear,pretendinglikeIhadacall.
Thesecondsheduckedbackinside,Istowedthephoneandhurriedtherestofthewaytomyapartmententrance.
Myreliefwasshort-lived.Thedoortothestairwell,allcarvedwoodandthickglass,wasproppedopenwithabankerboxmarkedFilesinsharpscrawl.
Stilleyingthebox,Isteppedinside.
“Sonofadamnbitch!”Awoman’svoicethatdidnotbelongtomyelderlyneighborechoedfromabove.
Ilookedupjustasafancyblackbackpackrolleddownthestairstowardmelikeadesignertumbleweed.Halfwayuptheflight,apairoflong,leanlegscaughtmyattention.
Theywerecoveredinsleekleggingsthecolorofmoss,andtheviewjustkeptgettingbetter.Thefuzzygraysweaterwascroppedandofferedapeekatsmooth,tanskinovertautmusclewhilehighlightingsubtlecurves.Butitwasthefacethatdemandedthemostattention.Marble-worthycheekbones.Big,darkeyes.Fulllipspursedinannoyance.
Herhair—sodarkitwasalmostblack—wascutinashort,choppycapandlookedlikesomeonehadjustshovedtheirfingersthroughit.Myfingersflexedatmysides.
AngelinaSolavita,betterknownasLinaormybrother’sex-girlfriendfromalifetimeago,wasalooker.Andshewasinmystairwell.
Thiswasn’tgood.
Ibentandpickedupthebagatmyfeet.
“Sorryforhurlingmyluggageatyou,”shecalledasshewrestledalarge,wheeledsuitcaseupthefinalfewsteps.
Ihadnocomplaintsabouttheview,butIhadseriousconcernsaboutsurvivingsmalltalk.
Thesecondfloorwashometothreeapartments:mine,Mrs.Tweedy’s,andavacantspacenexttomine.
Ihadmyhandsfulllivingacrossthehallfromanelderlywidowwhodidn’thavemuchrespectforprivacyandpersonalspace.Iwasn’tinterestedinaddingtomydistractionsathome.NotevenwhentheylookedlikeLina.
“Movingin?”Icalledbackwhenshereappearedatthetopofthestairs.Thewordssoundedforced,myvoicestrained.
Sheflashedmeoneofthosesexylittlesmiles.“Yeah.What’sfordinner?”
Iwatchedherhitthestairsatajog,descendingwithspeedandgrace.
“IthinkyoucandobetterthanwhatIhavetooffer.”Ihadn’tbeentoagrocerystorein…Okay,Icouldn’trememberthelasttimeI’dventuredintoGrover’sGroceriestobuyfood.I’dbeenlivingofftakeoutwhenIrememberedtoeat.
Linastoppedonthelaststep,puttinguseye-to-eye,andgavemeaslowonce-over.Thesmilebecameafull-fledgedgrin.“Don’tsellyourselfshort,hotshot.”
She’dcalledmethatforthefirsttimeahandfulofweeksagowhenshe’dcleanedupthemessI’dmadeofmystitchessavingmybrother’sass.Atthetime,IshouldhavebeenthinkingabouttheavalancheofpaperworkIwasgoingtohavetodealwiththankstoanabductionandtheensuingshoot-out.Instead,I’dsatproppedagainstthewall,distractedbyLina’scalm,competenthands,herclean,freshscent.
“Youflirtingwithme?”Ihadn’tmeanttoblurtitout,butIwashangingonbysheerwill.
AtleastIhadn’ttoldherIlikedthesmellofherlaundrydetergent.
Shearchedaneyebrow.“You’remyhandsomenewneighbor,thechiefofpolice,andmycollegeboyfriend’sbrother.”
Sheleanedinaninchcloser,andasinglesparkofsomethingwarmstirredinmybelly.Iwantedtoclingtoit,tocupitinmyhandsuntilitthawedmyicyblood.
“Ireallylovebadideas.Don’tyou?”Hersmilewasdangerousnow.
OldMewouldhaveturnedonthecharm.Wouldhaveenjoyedagoodflirt.Wouldhaveappreciatedthemutualattraction.ButIwasn’tthatmananymore.
Iheldupherbagbythestrap.Herfingersgottangledaroundminewhenshereachedforit.Ourgazesmetandheld.Thatsparkmultipliedintoadozentinylittleembers,almostenoughformetorememberwhatitwasliketofeelsomething.
Almost.
Shewaswatchingmeintently.Thosewhiskey-browneyespeeredintomelikeIwasanopenbook.
Iextricatedmyfingersfromhers.“Whatdidyousayyoudoforaliving?”Iasked.She’dmentioneditinpassing,calleditboring,andchangedthesubject.Butshehadeyesthatmissednothing,andIwascuriouswhatjobwouldletherhangoutinNowhere,Virginia,forweeksatatime.
“Insurance,”shesaid,slingingthebackpackoveroneshoulder.
Neitheroneofusretreated.MebecausethoseembersweretheonlygoodthingI’dfeltinweeks.
“Whatkindofinsurance?”
“Why?Areyouinthemarketforanewpolicy?”sheteasedasshestartedtopullaway.
ButIwantedhertostayclose.Neededhertofanthoseweaksparkstoseeiftherewasanythinginsidemeworthburning.
“Wantmetograbthat?”Ioffered,hookingmythumbattheboxoffilesagainstthedoor.
Thesmiledisappeared.“I’vegotit,”shesaidbriskly,makingamovetosteppastme.
Iblockedher.“Mrs.TweedywouldhavemyhideifshefoundoutImadeyouhaulthatboxupthosestairs,”Iinsisted.
“Mrs.Tweedy?”
Ipointedup.“2C.She’soutwithherweight-liftinggroup.Butyou’llmeethersoonenough.She’llmakesureofit.”
“Ifshe’sout,shewon’tknowthatyoudidn’taggravateyourbulletwoundsbyinsistingonluggingaboxupaflightofstairs,”Linapointedout.“Howaretheyhealing?”
“Fine,”Ilied.
Shehummedandraisedthateyebrowagain.“Really?”
Shedidn’tbelieveme.Butmycravingforthosetinysliversoffeelingwassostrong,sodesperate,Ididn’tcare.
“Rightasrain,”Iinsisted.
IheardalowringtoneandsawtheflashofannoyanceasLinaretrievedherphonefromsomehiddenpocketinthewaistbandofherleggings.Itwasonlyaglimpse,butIcaught“Mom”onthescreenbeforeshehitIgnore.Itlookedlikewebothwereavoidingfamily.
Itookachanceandusedthedistractiontoretrievethebox,makingapointtousemyleftarm.Myshoulderthrobbed,andacoldbeadofsweatworkeditswaydownmyback.ButassoonasIlockedeyeswithheragain,thesparkscameback.
Ididn’tknowwhatthiswas,onlythatIneededit.
“IseetheMorganstubbornnessisjustasstronginyouasitisinyourbrother,”sheobserved,tuckingthephonebackintoherpocket.Shegavemeanotherassessinglookbeforeturningandstartingupthestairs.
“SpeakingofKnox,”Isaid,fightingtokeepmyvoicesoundingnatural,“Itakeityou’rein2B?”Mybrotherownedthebuilding,whichincludedthebarandbarbershoponthefirstfloor.
“Iamnow.Iwasstayingatthemotel,”shesaid.
Isentupaprayerofthanksthatshewastakingthestairsslowerthanshehadonthewaydown.
“Can’tbelieveyoulastedthatlongthere.”
“Thismorning,Isawaratgetintoaslapfightwitharoachthesizeofarat.Laststraw,”shesaid.
“CouldastayedwithKnoxandNaomi,”Isaid,forcingthewordsoutbeforeIwastoooutofbreathtospeak.Iwasoutofcondition,andhershapelyassinthoseleggingswasn’thelpingmycardiovascularendurance.
“Ilikemyownspace,”shesaid.
Wemadeittothetopofthestairs,andIfollowedhertotheopendoornexttomineasariveroficysweatsnakeddownmyback.Ireallyneededtogetbacktothegym.IfIwasgoingtobeawalkingcorpsefortherestofmylife,Ishouldatleastbeonewhocouldhandleaconversationonaflightofstairs.
Linadroppedherbackpackinsidebeforeturningtotaketheboxfromme.
Onceagain,ourfingerstouched.
Onceagain,Ifeltsomething.Anditwasn’tjusttheacheinmyshoulder,theemptinessinmychest.
“Thanksforthehelp,”shesaid,takingtheboxfromme.
“Ifyouneedanything,I’mrightnextdoor,”Isaid.
Thoselipscurvedeversoslightly.“Goodtoknow.Seeyouaround,hotshot.”
Istoodrootedtothespotevenaftersheshutthedoor,waitinguntileverysingleoneofthoseemberswentcold.TWO
AVOIDANCETACTICS
Lina
Iclosedmynewfrontdooronallsixfeetoneinchesofwounded,broodyNashMorgan.
“Don’teventhinkaboutit,”Imutteredtomyself.
Usually,Ididn’tmindtakingarisk,playingwithalittlefire.AndthatwasexactlywhatgettingtoknowStudlyDo-Right,astheladiesofKnockemouthaddubbedhim,wouldbe.ButIhadmoreurgentthingstodothanflirtingawaythesadnessthatNashworelikeacloak.
Woundedandbroody,IthoughtagainasIluggedmyfilesacrosstheroom.
Iwasn’tsurprisedthatIwasattracted.WhileIpreferredtheenjoy’emandleave’emlifestyle,therewasnothingIlovedmorethanachallenge.Andgettingunderthatfacade,diggingintowhatputthoseshadowsinhissadheroeyeswouldbeexactlythat.
ButNashstruckmeasthesettling-downtype,andIwasallergictorelationships.
Onceyoushowedaninterestinsomeone,theystartedthinkingitmeanttheyhadtherighttotellyouwhattodoandhowtodoit,twoofmyleastfavoritethings.Ilikedgoodtimes,thethrillofthechase.IenjoyedplayingwiththepiecesofapuzzleuntilIhadthefullpicture,thenmovingontothenextone.Andinbetween,Ilikedwalkingintomyplace,fullofmythings,andorderingfoodIlikedwithouthavingtoarguewithanyoneaboutwhattowatchonTV.
Idumpedtheboxonthetinydiningroomtableandsurveyedmynewdomain.
Theapartmenthadpotential.IcouldseewhyKnoxhadinvestedinthebuilding.He’dneverbeenonetomisspotentialunderthesurfaceofhotmess.Highceilings,batteredwoodfloors,bigwindowsoverlookingthestreet.
Themainlivingspacewasfurnishedwithafadedfloralcouchfacinganemptybrickwall,thesmallbutsturdyrounddiningtablewiththreechairs,andsomekindofshelvingsystembuiltoutofoldcratesunderthefrontwindows.
Thekitchen,whichwasclosedoffintoatiny,drywalledbox,wasabouttwodecadesoutofdate.NotaproblemsinceIdidn’tcook.Thecounterswereagarishyellowlaminatethathadlongoutlivedtheirheyday,ifthey’deverhadone.Buttherewasamicrowaveandafridgebigenoughtostoretakeoutandasix-pack,soitwouldworkjustfineforme.
Thebedroomwasempty,butithadasizablecloset,whichunlikethekitchenwasarequirementformeandmyclothes-whorishtendencies.Theattachedbathroomwascharminglyvintagewithaclaw-foottubandanabsolutelyuselesspedestalsinkthatwouldholdzeropercentofmymakeupandskincarecollection.
Iblewoutabreath.Dependingonhowcomfortablethecouchwas,Imightbeabletoholdoffonmakingadecisionaboutabed.Ididn’tknowhowmuchlongerI’dbehere,howlongitwouldtakemetofindwhatIwaslookingfor.
Ihopedtohellitwouldn’tbelongnow.
Ifloppeddownonthecouch,prayingforittobecomfortable.
Itwasnot.
“Whyareyoupunishingme?”Iaskedtheceiling.“I’mnotahorribleperson.Istopforpedestrians.Idonatetothatfarmsanctuary.Ieatmyvegetables.Whatmoredoyouwant?”
Theuniversedidn’trespond.
IheavedasighandthoughtaboutmytownhouseinAtlanta.Iwasusedtoroughingitonthejob.Returningfromanextendedstayinatwo-starmotelalwaysmademeappreciatemyexpensivesheets,myoverstuffeddesignercouch,andmymeticulouslyorganizedwardrobe.
Thisparticularextendedstay,however,wasbecomingridiculous.
AndthelongerIstayedintownwithoutabreakoraclueoralightattheendofthetunnel,theantsierIgot.Onpaper,maybeitlookedlikeIwasanimpulsivewildchild.Inreality,IwassimplyfollowingtheplanI’dmadealongtimeago.Iwaspatientandlogical,andtherisksItookwere—almostalways—calculated.
Butweeksonendinatinytownthirty-eightminutesfromtheclosestSephorawithouttheslightestindicationthatIwasontherighttrackwerestartingtowearonme.Hencetheconversationwiththeceiling.
Iwasboredandfrustrated,adangerouscombination,becauseitmadeitimpossibletoignorethenigglingdoubtinmyheadthatmaybeIdidn’tenjoythislineofworkasmuchasIoncedid.Thedoubtthathadmagicallysproutedwhenthingshadgonesouthduringthelastjob.SomethingelseIdidn’twanttothinkabout.
“Okay,universe,”Isaidtotheceilingagain.“Ineedonethingtogomyway.Justone.Likeashoesaleor,Idon’tknow,howaboutonebreakinthiscasebeforeIlosemymind?”
Thistime,theuniverseansweredmewithaphonecall.
Theuniversewasajerk.
“Hi,Mom,”Isaidwithtwinpullsofannoyanceandaffection.
“Thereyouare!Iwasworried.”BonnieSolavitahadn’tbeenbornaworrier,butshe’dacceptedthemantelthathadbeenthrustuponherwithanenthusiasticdedicationtotherole.
Unabletositstillduringthesedailyconversations,Igotoffthelumpycouchandheadedtothetable.“Iwascarryingsomethingupthestairs,”Iexplained.
“You’renotoverdoingit,areyou?”
“Itwasonesuitcaseandoneflightofstairs,”Isaid,flickingthelidofftheboxoffiles.“Whatareyouallupto?”Redirectionwaswhatkeptmyrelationshipwithmyparentsintact.
“I’monmywayintoamarketingmeeting,andyourfatherissomewhereunderthehoodofthatdamncar,”shesaid.
Momhadtakenalonger-than-necessaryhiatusfromherjobasamarketingexecutivesoshecouldsmothermeuntilImovedthreestatesawaytogotocollege.Sincethen,she’dreenteredtheworkforceandclimbedtheladderasanexecutiveinanationalhealthcareorganization.
Myfather,Hector,wassixmonthsintohisretirementfromhiscareerasaplumber.“Thatdamncar”wasthein-desperate-need-of-some-TLC1968MustangFastbackI’dsurprisedhimwithforhisbirthdaytwoyearsagocourtesyofabig,fatbonuscheckfromwork.He’dhadonewhenhewasayoung,studlybachelorinIllinoisuntilhe’dtradeditinonafancypickuptrucktoimpressafarmer’sdaughter.Dadhadmarriedthefarmer’sdaughter—mymother—andspenttheensuingdecadesmissingthecar
“Didhegetitrunningyet?”Iasked.
“Notyet.Heboredmetodeathwithatwenty-minutedissertationoncarburetorsoverdinnerlastnight.SoIboredhimrightbackwithanexplanationofhowwe’rechangingouradvertisingmessagesbasedonthedemographicsofEastCoastsuburbansprawl,”Momexplainedsmugly.
Ilaughed.Myparentshadoneofthoserelationshipsthatnomatterhowdifferenttheywerefromeachother,nomatterhowlongthey’dbeenmarried,theywerestilltheother’sbiggestcheerleaders…andbiggestannoyances.
“That’sveryon-brandforyouboth,”Isaid.
“Consistencyiskey,”Momsang.
Iheardsomeoneaskarapid-firequestiononherend.
“Gowiththesecondarydeckforthepresentation.Imadesometweakstoitlastnight.Oh,andgrabmeaPellegrinobeforeyougoin,wouldyou?Thanks.”Momclearedherthroat.“Sorryaboutthat,sweetie.”
Thedifferencebetweenherbossladyvoiceandhermomvoicewasasourceofendlessentertainmentforme.
“Noproblem.You’reabusybosslady.”
Butnottoobusytocheckinwithherdaughteronherdesignateddays.
Yep.Betweenmymother’siron-fisteditineraryandmyparents’desiretomakesureIwasokayatalltimes,Ispoketoaparentnearlyeverysingleday.IfIavoidedthemfortoolong,theyhadbeenknowntoshowuponmydoorstepunannounced.
“You’restillinDC,aren’tyou?”sheasked.
Iwinced,knowingwhatwascoming.“Thereabouts.It’sasmalltownnorthofDC.”
“Smalltownsarewherebusyprofessionalwomengetseducedbyarough-around-the-edgeslocalbusinessowner.Ooh!Orasheriff.Haveyoumetthesheriffyet?”
Acoworkerhadgottenmymotherhookedonromancenovelsafewyearsback.Theytookanannualvacationtogetherthatalwayslinedupwithsomebooksigningsomewhere.NowMomexpectedmylifetoturnintotheplotofaromcomatanymoment.
“Chiefofpolice,”Icorrected.“Andactuallyhelivesnextdoor.”
“Thatmakesmefeelathousandtimesbetterknowingyouhavelawenforcementnextdoor.They’retrainedinCPR,youknow.”
“Andavarietyofotherspecialskills,”Isaiddryly,tryingnottobeannoyed.
“Ishesingle?Cute?Anyredflags?”
“Ithinkso.Definitely.AndIhaven’tgottentoknowhimwellenoughtospotany.He’sKnox’sbrother.”
“Oh.”
Mommanagedtopackalotintoonesyllable.MyparentshadnevermetKnox.Theyonlyknewthatwe’ddated—verybriefly—whenIwasincollegeandhadremainedfriendseversince.Mommistakenlyblamedhimforherthirty-seven-year-olddaughterstillbeingsingleandreadytomingle.
Itwasn’tthatshewasdesperateforaweddingandgrandkids.Itwasthatmyparentswouldn’ttakeaneasybreathuntilIhadsomeoneinmylifewhowasgoingtotakeovertheroleofworriedprotector.Itdidn’tmatterhowself-sufficientI’dbecome.Tomymomanddad,Iwasstillafifteen-year-oldinahospitalbed.
“Youknow,yourfatherandIwerejusttalkingaboutgettingawayfortheweekend.Wecouldhoponaflightandbetherethisweekend.”
ThelastthingIneededwaseitherofmyparentsshadowingmearoundtownwhileItriedtowork.
“Idon’tknowhowlongI’llbeintown,”Isaiddiplomatically.“Icouldbeheadinghomeanydaynow.”Unlikely,unlessIfoundsomethingthatledthecaseinanewdirection.Butstill,atleastitwasn’tanoutrightlie.
“Idon’tunderstandhowrunningcorporatetrainingscanbesoopen-ended,”Mommused.Fortunately,beforeIhadtocraftaplausibleanswer,Iheardanothermuffledcommentonherend.“Ihavetogo,sweetie.Meeting’sstarting.Anyway,letmeknowwhenyou’reheadingbacktoAtlanta.We’llflydownandvisitbeforeyoucomehomeforThanksgiving.Ifwetimeitright,wecangotoyourappointmentwithyou.”
Yeah.BecauseIwasgoingtogotoadoctor’sappointmentwithmyparentsintow.Sure.“We’lltalkaboutitlater,”Isaid.
“Iloveyou,sweetie.”
“Loveyoutoo.”
Idisconnectedandletoutasighthatendedonagroan.Evenfromhundredsofmilesaway,mymotherstillmanagedtomakemefeellikeshewasholdingapillowovermyface.
Therewasaknockatmydoor,andIshotawarylookatit,wonderingifmymomwaswaitingtosurprisemeontheotherside.
Butthencameathumpthatsoundedlikeanirritatedbootatthebaseofmydoor.Itwasfollowedbyagruff,“Openup,Lina.Thisshitisheavy.”
IcrossedtheroomandyankedopenthedoortofindKnoxMorgan,hisprettyfiancée,Naomi,andNaomi’sniece,Waylay,standinginthehallway.
Naomiwasgrinningandholdingapottedplant.Knoxwasscowlingandluggingwhatlookedlikeahundredpoundsofbedding.Waylaylookedboredholdingtwopillows.
“SothisiswhathappenswhenImoveoutoftheroachmotel?Peoplestartdroppinginunannounced?”Isaid.
“Moveit.”Knoxmuscledhiswaypastmeunderanoff-whiteduvet.
“Sorrytobargeinlikethis,butwewantedtogiveyouyourhousewarminggifts,”Naomisaid.Shewasatallbrunettewhosewardrobetrendedtowardgirlie.Everythingaboutherwassoft:herwavybob,thejerseyknitofherlong-sleevedressoverhergenerouscurves,thewaysheappreciatedtheveryniceassofherfiancé,whowasstalkingtowardmybedroom.
NicebuttsranintheMorganfamily.AccordingtoNaomi’smom,Amanda,Nash’sassinhisuniformpantswasconsideredalocaltreasure.
Waylaysidledacrossthethreshold.Herblondhairwastiedbackinaponytailthatshowedofftemporarybluehighlights.“Here,”shesaid,shovingthepillowsatme.
“Thanks,butI’mnotmovinginmovingin,”Ipointedout,tossingthemonthecouch.
“Knockemouthasawayofturningintohome,”Naomisaid,handingmetheplant.
Shewouldknow.She’darrivedafewmonthsagothinkingshewashelpinghertwinsisteroutofajamonlytobethrownintooneherself.Inthespaceofafewweeks,Naomihadbecomeguardiantoherniece,pickeduptwojobs,gottenabducted,andmadeKnox“IDon’tDoRelationships”Morganfallinlovewithher.
Now,theylivedinabighousejustoutsidetownsurroundedbydogsandfamilyandwereplanningawedding.ImadeamentalnotetosomedayintroducemymomtoNaomi.She’dlosehermindoverthereal-lifehappilyeverafter.
Knoxreturnedfromthebedroomempty-handed.“Happyhousewarming.Bed’scomingthisafternoon.”
Iblinked.“Yougotmeabed?”
“Dealwithit,”hesaid,slinginganarmaroundNaomi’sshouldersandpullingherintohisside.
Naomielbowedhiminthegut.“Bepolite.”
“No,”hegrowled.
Theymadequiteapicture.Thetall,tattooed,beardedgrumpandthecurvy,beamingbrunette.
“WhattheVikingmeanstosayis,we’regladyou’restayingintownandwethoughtabedwouldmakeyourstaymorecomfortable,”Naomitranslated.
Waylayfloppeddownontopofthepillowsonthecouch.“Where’stheTV?”sheasked.
“Idon’thaveoneyet.ButwhenIgetone,I’mcallingyoutohelpmehookitup,Way.”
“Fifteenbucks,”shesaid,tuckingherhandsbehindherhead.Thekidwasanelectronicsgeniusandhadnoproblemmakingafewbucksoffhertalents.
“Waylay,”Naomisaid,exasperated.
“What?I’mgivingherthefriendsandfamilydiscount.”
ItriedtorememberifI’deverbeencloseenoughtoanyonetoearnafamilyandfriendsdiscountbefore.
KnoxwinkedatWaylay,thengaveNaomianothersqueeze.“IgottatalktoNashaboutsomething,”hesaid,hookinghisthumbtowardmydoor.“Youneedanythingelse,Leens,letmeknow.”
“Hey,I’mjusthappyIdon’thavetofightanarmyofcockroachesfortheshowerhere.Thanksforlettingmemoveintemporarily.”
Hetossedmeasaluteandahalfgrinasheheadedforthedoor.
Naomishuddered.“Thatmotelisahealthhazard.”
“AtleastithadaTV,”Waylaycalledfrommyemptybedroom.
“Waylay!Whatareyoudoing?”herauntdemanded.
“Snooping,”thetwelve-year-oldreplied,appearinginthedoorway,handsinthebedazzledpocketsofherjeans.“It’sokay.Shedoesn’thaveanythinginhereyet.”
Aloudthuddingcamefromthehallway.“Openup,asshole,”Knoxgrowled.
Naomirolledhereyes.“Iapologizeformyfamily.Apparentlytheywereallraisedbywolves.”
“Uncivilizedhasitsownkindofcharm,”Ipointedout.RealizingIwasstillholdingtheplant,Itookitovertothewindowandplaceditontopofoneoftheemptycrates.Ithadglossygreenleaves.
“It’slilyofthevalley.Itwon’tbloomuntilthespring,butitsymbolizeshappiness,”Naomiexplained.
Ofcourseitdid.Naomiwasexpert-levelthoughtful.
“Theotherreasonwe’reburstinginonyoulikethisiswewantedtoinviteyouoverfordinnerSundaynight,”shecontinued.
“We’regrillingchicken,butthere’llprobablybeaboutahundredvegetables,”Waylaywarnedasshewanderedovertothefrontwindowtopeerout.
AdinnerIdidn’thavetoorderandthechancetoenjoydomesticatedKnox?Iwasn’tabouttopassupthatinvitation.“Sure.LetmeknowwhatIcanbring.”
“Justbringyourself.Honestly,betweenme,myparents,andStef,we’llhaveafeast,”Naomiassuredme.
“Howaboutalcohol?”Ioffered.
“We’llneverturnthatdown,”sheadmitted.
“AndabottleofYellowLightning,”Waylaysaid.
NaomishotWaylayaparentalwarninglook.
“Please,”thegirlamended.
“Ifyouwantanentirebottleofthattooth-rottingsoda,you’regoingtoeatasaladwithyourpizzaatlunchtodayandbroccoliwithdinnertonight,”Naomiinsisted.
Waylayrolledhereyesatmeasshesidledovertothetable.“AuntNaomi’sobsessedwithvegetables.”
“Believeme,thereareworsethingstobeobsessedwith,”Itoldher.
Sheeyedmyboxoffiles,andIregrettednotputtingthelidbackonitwhenherquickfingerstuggedafolderfree.
“Nicetry,SnoopDoggyDog,”Isaid,snatchingitfromherwithaflourish.
“Waylay!”Naomichastised.“Linaworksininsurance.That’sprobablyconfidentialinformation.”
Shehadnoidea.
Isnaggedthelidandputitbackonthebox.
Thethuddingnextdoorcontinued.“Nash?Youinthere?”
ItlookedasthoughIwasn’ttheonlyonehidingoutfromfamily.
“Comeon,Way.Let’sgobeforeKnoxlevelsthebuilding,”Naomisaid,holdingherarmoutforherniece.Waylayslidintoheraunt’sside,acceptingtheofferedaffection.
“Thankyoufortheplant…andthebed…andtheplacetostay,”Isaid.
“I’msohappytohaveyouhereforawhilelonger,”Naomisaidaswetroopedtothedoor.
Thatmadeoneofus.
KnoxwasstandinginfrontofNash’sdoor,diggingthroughthekeysonhisring.
“Idon’tthinkhe’shome,”Isaidquickly.WhateverwasgoingonwithNash,Idoubtedhe’dwanthisbrotherburstingintohisapartment.
Knox’sgazecameup.“Iheardheleftworkandcamehere.”
“Technically,weheardheleftworkandwenttoPT,butNeeceyfromDino’sspottedhimoutfront,”Naomisaid.
Small-towngossiptraveledfasterthanlightning.“Heprobablycameandwent.Imadeahellofaracketluggingmystuffuphereanddidn’tseehim.”
Knoxpocketedhiskeys.“Youseehim,tellhimI’mlookingforhim.”
“Metoo,”Naomiadded.“ItriedcallinghimtoinvitehimtoSundaydinner,butitwentstraighttovoicemail.”
“MightaswelltellhimI’mlookin’forhimtoo,”Waylaypipedup.
“Whyareyoulookin’forhim?”Knoxdemanded.
Waylayshruggedinherpinksweater.“Dunno.Justfeltleftout.”
Knoxpulledherinforaheadlockandruffledherhair.
“Ugh!ThisiswhyIhavetouseindustrialhairspray!”Waylaycomplained,butIsawtheupwardcurveofhermouthwhenmygrumpytattooedfrienddroppedakisstothetopofherhead.
BetweenNaomiandWaylay,they’ddonetheimpossibleandturnedKnoxMorganintoasoftie.AndIhadafront-rowseattotheshow.
“Bed’scomin’at3:00today.Dinner’sat6:00Sunday,”Knoxsaidgruffly.
“Butyoucancomeearly.Especiallyifyou’rebringingwine,”Naomisaidwithawink.
“AndYellowLightning,”Waylayadded.
“I’llseeyouthen.”
Thethreeofthemheadedforthestairs,Knoxinthemiddlewithhisarmsaroundhisgirls.
“Thanksforlettingmecrashhere,”Icalledafterthem.
Knoxraisedahandinacknowledgment
Iwatchedthemleaveandthenclosedmydoor.Theglossygreenoftheplantdrewmyeye.Asolitaryhomeyitemonanotherwiseblankslate.
I’dneverhadaplantbefore.Noplants.Nopets.Nothingthatcouldn’tsurvivedaysorweekswithoutme.
IhopedIwouldn’tkillitbeforeIwrappedupmybusinesshere.Onasigh,IpickedupthefolderWaylayhadgrabbedandopenedit.
DuncanHugo’sfacestaredbackatme.
“Youcan’thideforever,”Itoldthepicture.
IheardNash’sdooropenandclosenextdoorsoftly.THREE
DEADINADITCH
Nash
Thesunroseabovethetreeline,turningfrostedtipsofgrasstoglitteringdiamondsasIswungmySUVoffthesideoftheroad.Iignoredtherat-a-tatofmyheart,thesweatypalms,thetightnessinmychest.
MostofKnockemoutwouldstillbeintheirbeds.Ingeneral,weweremoreatownoflate-nightdrinkersthanearlyrisers.Whichmeanttheoddsofrunningintosomeoneouthereatthistimewerelow.
Ididn’tneedthewholetowntalkingabouthowChiefMorgangothimselfshotandthenlosthisdamnmindtryingtofindhisdamnmemory.
KnoxandLucianwouldgetinvolved,stickingtheirciviliannosesinwheretheydidn’tbelong.Naomiwouldcastsympatheticglancesmywaywhilesheandherparentssmotheredmewithfoodandfreshlaundry.LizaJwouldpretendnothinghadhappened,which,asaMorgan,wastheonlyreactionIwasremotelycomfortablewith.EventuallyI’dbepressuredtotakealeaveofabsence.AndthenwhatthehellwouldIhave?
Atleastwiththejob,Ihadareasontogothroughthemotions.Ihadareasontogetoutofbed—oroffthecouch—everymorning.
AndifIwasgettingoffthecouchandputtingontheuniformeveryday,Imightaswelldosomethinguseful.
Iputthevehicleinparkandturnedofftheengine.Squeezingthekeysinmyfist,Iopenedthedoorandsteppedoutontothegravelshoulder.
Itwasacrisp,brightmorning.Notheavywithhumidityandblackaspitchlikethatnight.ThatpartatleastIremembered.
Anxietywasaballofdreadlodgedinmygut.
Itookasteadyingbreath.Inhaleforfour.Holdforseven.Exhaleforeight.
Iwasworried.WorriedthatIwouldneverremember.WorriedthatIwould.Ididn’tknowwhichwouldbeworse.
Acrosstheroadwastheendlesstangleofweedsandovergrowthofaforgottenforeclosure.
Ifocusedontheroughmetalofmykeysastheydugintomyskin,thecrunchofgravelundermyboots.Iwalkedslowlytowardthecarthatwasn’tthere.ThecarIcouldn’tremember.
Thebandaroundmychesttightenedpainfully.Myforwardprogresshalted.Maybemybraindidn’tremember,butsomethinginmedid.
“Justkeepbreathin’,asshole,”Iremindedmyself.
Four.Seven.Eight.
Four.Seven.Eight.
Myfeetfinallydidmybiddingandmovedforwardagain.
I’dapproachedthecar,adarkfour-doorsedan,frombehind.NotthatIrecalleddoingit.I’dwatchedthedashcamfootageoftheincidentaboutathousandtimes,waitingforittojogamemory.ButeachtimeitfeltlikeIwaswatchingsomeoneelsewalktowardtheirownnear-deathexperience.
Ninestepsfrommydoortothesedan’srearfender.
I’dtouchedmythumbtothetaillight.Afteryearsofservice,ithadbeguntofeellikeaninnocuousritual,untilmyprintwaswhatidentifiedthatcarafterithadbeenfound.
Coldsweatranfreelydownmyback.
Whycouldn’tIremember?
WouldIever?
WouldIbeobliviousifHugocamebacktofinishthejob?
WouldIseehimcoming?
WouldIcareenoughtostophim?
“Nobodylikesapathetic,mopeyasshole,”Imutteredoutloud.
Onashakybreath,Itookthreemoresteps,bringingmeevenwithwhatwouldhavebeenthedriver’sdoor.There’dbeenbloodhere.ThefirsttimeIcameback,Ihadn’tbeenabletoforcemyselfoutofthecar.Ijustsatbehindthewheelstaringattherust-stainedgravel.
Itwasgonenow.Erasedbynature.ButIcouldstillpictureitthere.
Icouldstillheartheechoofasound.Somethingbetweenasizzleandacrunch.Ithauntedmydreams.Ididn’tknowwhatitwas,butitfeltbothimportantanddire.
“Fuck,”Imutteredundermybreath
Ijabbedmythumbbetweenmyeyebrowsandrubbed.
I’ddrawnmyweapontoolate.Ididn’trememberthebiteofbulletsintoflesh.Twoquickshots.Thefalltotheground.OrDuncanHugoclimbingoutofthecarandloomingoverme.Ididn’trememberwhathesaidtomeashesteppedonthewristofmygunhand.Ididn’trememberhimaiminghisownweapononelasttimeatmyhead.Ididn’trememberwhathesaid.
AllIknewwasthatIwouldhavedied.
Shouldhavedied.
Ifithadn’tbeenforthoseheadlights.
Lucky.Nothingbutluckhadstoodbetweenmeandthatfinalbullet.
Hugohadpeeledoff.Twentysecondslater,anurselateforhershiftintheemergencydepartmentspottedmeandimmediatelygottowork.Nohesitation.Nopanic.Justpureskill.Sixmoreminutesbeforehelparrived.Thefirstresponders,menandwomenI’dknownmostofmylife,followedprocedure,doingtheirjobswithpracticedefficiency.Theyhadn’tforgottentheirtraining.Theyhadn’tdroppedtheballorreactedtoolate.
AllwhileIlayalmostlifelessbythesideoftheroad.
Ihadnomemoryofthenurseusingmyownradiotocallforhelpwhileshekeptpressureonthewound.Ididn’trememberGravekneelingnexttomewhisperingastheEMTscutmyshirtfrommybody.Therewasnorecollectionofbeingplacedonagurneyandhauledofftothehospital.
Partofmehaddiedhereonthisveryspot.
Maybetherestofmeshouldhave.
Ikickedatarock,missed,andjammedmytoeintotheground.“Ow.Fuck,”Imuttered.
Thiswholewoe-is-mewallowingwasreallystartingtopissmeoff,butIdidn’tknowhowtoclimbout.Didn’tknowifIcould.
Ihadn’tsavedmyselfthatnight.
Ihadn’ttakendownthebadguy.Orevengottenapieceofhim.
ItwassheerluckthatIwasstillhere.Luckthatthenurse’snephewwithautismhadexperiencedameltdownbeforebedwhilehisauntshouldhavebeengettingreadyforwork.Luckthatshe’dhelpedhersistercalmhimbeforeleaving.
Iclosedmyeyesanddraggedinanotherbreath,fightingagainstthebandoftension.Ashiverrolledupmyspineasthemorningbreezeevaporatedthecoldsweatdrenchingmybody.
“Getaholdofyourself.Thinkaboutsomethingelse.Anyfuckingthingthatdoesn’tmakeyouhateyourselfmore.”
Lina.
Iwassurprisedwheremymindlanded.Butthereshewas.Standingonthestepstomyapartment,eyessparkling.Croucheddownnexttomeinthatdirtywarehouse,hermouthquirkedinamusement.Allflirtationandconfidence.Iclosedmyeyesandheldontotheimage.Thatathleticbuildshowcasedbybody-huggingclothes.Allthattan,smoothskin
Icouldsmellthecleanscentofherdetergentandfocusedmyattentiononthosefull,rosylipsasiftheyalonecouldanchormetothisworld.
Somethingstirredinmygut.Anechoofyesterday’sembers.
Anoisetomyrightsnappedmeoutofmybizarreroadsidefantasy.
Myhandflewtothebuttofmygun.
Ayelp.Ormaybeitwasawhimper.Nervesandadrenalinemadethebuzzinginmyearslouder.Wasitahallucination?Amemory?Afuckingrabidsquirrelcomingtobitemyfaceoff?
“Anybodyoutthere?”Icalled.
Stillnesswasmyonlyresponse.
Thepropertythatranparalleltotheroadslopeddownafewfeettowardadrainageditch.Beyonditwasathicketofthorns,weeds,andsumactreesthateventuallyturnedintoapatchofwoods.OntheothersidewasHessler’sfarm,whichdidahellofabusinesswiththeirannualcornmazeandpumpkinpatch.
Ilistenedhard,tryingtocalmmyheart,mybreathing.
Myinstinctswerefine-tuned.Atleast,I’dthoughttheyhadbeen.Growingupthesonofanaddicthadtaughtmetogaugemoods,towatchforsignsthateverythingwasabouttogotohell.Mylawenforcementtraininghadbuiltonthat,teachingmetoreadsituationsandpeoplebetterthanmost.
Butthatwasbefore.Nowmysensesweredulled,myinstinctsmuffledbythelowroarofpanicthatsimmeredjustbeneaththesurface.Bytheincessant,meaninglesscrunchIheardonrepeatinmyhead.
“Anyrabidsquirrelsoutthere,youbestkeepmovin’,”Iannouncedtotheemptycountryside.
ThenIhearditforreal.Thefaintjangleofmetalonmetal.
Thatwasnosquirrel.
Drawingmyserviceweapon,Imademywaydownthegentleslope.Thefrozengrasscrunchedundermyfeet.Eachheavypantofbreathwasmadevisibleinapuffofsilver.Myheartdrummedoutatattooinmyears.
“KnockemoutPD,”Icalled,sweepingtheareawithgazeandgun.
Acoldbreezestirredtheleaves,makingthewoodswhisperandthesweatfreezeagainstmyskin.Iwasalonehere.Aghost.
Feelinglikeanidiot,Iholsteredmyweapon.
Iswipedmyforearmovermysweat-soakedbrow.“Thisisridiculous.”
Iwantedtogobacktomycaranddriveaway.Iwantedtopretendthisplacedidn’texist,topretendIdidn’texist.
“Okay,squirrel.Youwinthisround,”Igrumbled.
ButIdidn’tleave.Therewasnosound,noblurofrabidsquirreltailbarrelingtowardme.Justaninvisiblestopsignorderingmetostandmyground.
Onawhim,Ibroughtmyfingerstomymouthandgaveashort,shrillwhistle.
Thistime,therewasnomistakingtheplaintiveyelpandthescrabbleofmetalagainstmetal.Well,hell.Maybemyinstinctsweren’tsoshotafterall.
Iwhistledagainandfollowedthenoisetothemouthofthedrainagepipe.Icroucheddownandthere,fivefeetin,Ifoundit.Adirty,bedraggleddogsatonabedofleavesanddebris.Itwasonthesmallsideandmighthavebeenwhiteatonetimebutwasnowamottled,muddybrownwithcurlytuftsofmattedfur.
Reliefcoursedthroughme.Iwasn’tfuckinginsane.Anditwasn’tafuckingrabidsquirrel.
“Hey,buddy.Whatareyoudoin’inhere?”
Thedogcockeditsheadandthetipofitsfilthytailtappedtentatively.
“I’mjustgonnaturnonmyflashlightandgetabetterlookatyou,okay?”Withslow,carefulmotions,Islippedtheflashlightoutofmybeltandplayedthebeamoverthedog.
Itshiveredpathetically.
“Gotyourselfgoodandstuck,don’tyou?”Iobserved.Therewasashortlengthofrustychainthatappearedtobetangledaroundagnarledbranch.
Thedogletoutanotherwhimperandheldupitsfrontpaw.
“I’mjustgonnareachforyourealslowandgentle.Okay?Youcancrawlonoverifyouwant.I’maniceguy.Promise.”Igotdownonmybellyinthegrassandwedgedmyshouldersintothemouthofthepipe.Itwasuncomfortablytightandnowpitch-blackexceptforthebeamoftheflashlight.
Thedogwhinedandinchedbackward.
“Igetit.Idon’tmuchlikesmallspacesanddarknesseither.Butyou’vegottabebraveandcomethisway.”Ipattedthemuddycorrugatedmetal.“Comeon.Comehere,buddy.”
Itwasuponallfoursnow,well,three,stillholdingupthatfrontpaw.
“That’sagoodsmellydog.ComethiswayandI’llgetyouahamburger,”Ipromised.
Itsgrotesquelylongnailstappedoutanexcitedbeatasthedogprancedinplacebutstilldidn’tcomeanycloser.
“Howaboutsomechickennuggets?I’llgetyouawholebox.”
Theheadcockedtotheoppositesidethistime.
“Look,buddy.Ireallydon’twanttodriveintotown,grabahook,andcomebackheretoscarethehelloutofyou.It’dbealoteasierifyou’djusttiptoeyourscruffyassoverhere.”
Themattedmessoffurstaredbackatme,nonplussed.Thenittookatentativestepforward.
“That’sagooddog.”
“Nash!”
Iheardmynameasplitsecondbeforesomethingwarmandsolidbarreledintomytorso.Theimpacthadmerearingup,smackingmyheadoffthetopofthepipe.
“Ow!Fuck!”
Thedog,nowthoroughlyterrified,jumpedbackwardtocowerinitsnestoffilth.
Iscrambledoutofthepipe,myheadandshouldersinging.Operatingoninstinct,Igotahandonmyattackerandusedmymomentumtopinthemtotheground.
Pinher
Linawaswarmandsoftbeneathme.Hereyeswerewidewithsurprise,handsgrippingmyshirtintightfists.Shewassweatingandwearingearbuds.
“Whatthehellareyoudoing?”Idemanded,yankingoneofherearbudsfree.
“Me?Whatthehellareyoudoinglyingonthesideoftheroad?”
Sheshovedagainstmewithherfists,herhips,butevenwiththeweightI’dlost,shecouldn’tdislodgeme.
ItwasrightaboutthatmomentwhenIrealizedthepositionIwasin.Wewerechesttochest,stomachtostomach.Mygroinwassettledsolidlybetweenherlong,shapelylegs.IcouldfeeltheheatofhercorelikeIwasfacedowninafurnace.
Mybodyreactedaccordingly,andIwentstonehardagainsther.
Iwasbothrelievedandhorrified.Horrifiedforobviousrespectfulandlegalreasons.Thefactthatmyequipmentseemedtobeworkingwasgoodnews,seeingashowIhadn’ttakenitforatestdrivesincetheshooting.Somanythingsaboutmewerenowbroken,Ihadn’twantedtohavetoaddmycocktothelist.
LinawaspantingundermeandIcouldseetheflutterofherpulseinthatslim,gracefulneck.Thethrobofmyhard-onintensified.IhopedtoGodforamiraclethatwouldpreventherfromfeelingit.
“Ithoughtyouweredeadinaditch!”
“Igetthatalot,”Isaidthroughgrittedteeth.
Shesmackedmeinthechest.“Veryfunny,youass.”
Herhipsshiftedalmostimperceptibly.Mydicktookimmediatenotice,andnoamountofmusteredprofessionalism,nomannerscouldstoptheimagesofwhatIwantedtodotoherfromfloodingmymind.
Iwantedtomove,tothrustintothatheat,usingherbodytobringmyselfbacktolife.Iwantedtowatchherlipspart,hereyesdriftclosedasIpoweredintoher.Iwantedtofeelhertightenaroundme,hearherwhispermynameinthathusky,sex-soakedvoice.
Iwantedtobeburiedinsidehersodeepthatwhensheletgo,she’dtakemewithher,wrappedupinallthatheat.
Thiswasmorethanacrush,arun-of-the-millattraction.WhatIfeltteeteredonthelineofuncontrolledcraving
Thevisualsflashingthroughmymindwereenoughtoputmeinactualdangerofanevenmorehumiliatingsituation.Itookthefrayedreinsofmycontrolandwilledmyselfbackfromthebrink.
“Fuckme,”Imutteredundermybreath.
“Here?”
Myeyessnappedopenandfocusedinonhers.Thosedeepbrowndepthsheldhintsofamusementandsomethingelse.Somethingdangerous.
“Justkidding,hotshot.Mostly.”
Sheshiftedundermeagainandmyjawlocked.Mylungsburned,remindingmetotakeabreath.Therewasnothingcoldaboutmysweatnow.
“Yourgunisdiggingintome.”
“That’snotmygun,”Isaidthroughclenchedteeth.
Hermouthcurvedwickedly.“Iknow.”
“Thenstopmoving.”
Ittookanotherthirtyseconds,butImanagedtopeelmyselfoffher.Iregainedmyfeet,thenreacheddowntopullherup.Flustered,Ipulledharderthannecessaryandhadhercrashingintomychest.
“Whoa,bigguy.”
“Sorry,”Isaid,puttingmyhandsonhershouldersandthentakingaverydeliberatestepback.
“Don’tapologize.I’donlyaskyoutoapologizeifyoudidn’thaveaveryhealthybiologicalreactiontopinningmedown.”
“You’rewelcome?”
Fromthelooksofher,she’dbeenoutforarun.Sheworetightsandalightweightlong-sleevetop,bothfittedlikeasecondskin.Hersportsbrawasturquoiseandhersneakersbrightorange.Sheworeherphonestrappedtoonearmandasmallcanofpeppersprayinaholstertuckedintoherwaistband.
Shecockedherheadandreturnedmysilentonce-over.Ifelthergazelikeitwasacaress.Goodnewsformydeadinsides.BadnewsfortheerectionIwastryingtowillaway.
Westoodlikethat,closerthanweshould,withgazesroamingandbreathstrained,foralong,heatedbeat.
Thosesparksinmyguthadflaredtolifeandspread,warmingmefromtheinsideout.Iwantedtotouchheragain.Neededto.ButjustasIraisedmyhandtoreachforher,ashrillbeepingcutthroughmyawareness.
Linajumpedback,slappingahandoverherwrist.
“Whatthehellwasthat?”Iasked.
“Nothing.Just…analert,”shesaid,fumblingwithherwatch.
Shewaslying.Iwassureofit.ButbeforeIcoulddemandanswers,apitifulwhimperechoedfromthepipe.
Lina’seyebrowsrose.“Whatthehellwasthat?”
“Adog.AtleastIthinkit’sadog,”Itoldher.
“That’swhatyouweredoing?”sheaskedasshesteppedaroundmeandheadedforthepipe.
“No.Iwedgemyselfindrainpipestwoorthreetimesaweek.It’sinthejobdescription.”
“You’reafunnyguy,hotshot.”Linacalledoverhershoulderasshedroppedtoherhandsandkneesinfrontofthepipe.
Istabbedattheskinbetweenmyeyebrowsandtriednottopayattentiontoherprovocativeposition,seeingashowmyarousalwasonahairtriggeralready.
“You’regonnaruinyourclothes,”Iwarnedher,lookingupattheblueskyandnotdownatherasshecrawledforwardonallfours.
“That’swhatlaundryandshoppingarefor,”shesaid,duckingherheadintotheopening.
Iglareddownatmyerection,whichwasdiggingintomyzipperandbelt.
“Hithere,sweetheart.How’dyouliketocomeoutoftheresoIcanmakeitallbetter?”
Shewastalking—crooning—tothedog.Iknewthat.Butsomethingstupidanddesperateinsidemerespondedtohersoothing,throatytone.
“Letmehandlethis,”Isaid,mostlytohershapelyassinslate-graytights.
“Whatagoodboyorgirl,”Linasaidbeforepoppingbackout.Shehadsmudgesofdirtonhercheekandsleeves.“Gotanyfoodinyourvehicle,hotshot?”
Whyhadn’tIthoughtofthat?“I’vegotsomebeefjerkyintheglovebox.”
“Mindsharingyoursnackwithournewfriend?IthinkIcangethimorhercloseenoughtograbwithsomethingtempting.”
Shewassomethingtempting.I’dhavebellycrawledthroughfrozenmudjusttogetabetterlookather,butthatwasme,notsomehalf-frozenstray.
IheadedbacktomySUV,willingthebloodtovacatemygroin.Ifoundthebeefjerkyandgatheredafewmorenecessitiesoutoftheemergencykitintheback,includingaslipleash,dogbowl,andwaterbottle.
WhenIreturnedwithmyhaul,Linawasevenfartherinsidethepipe,lyingonherbelly,visibleonlyfromthewaistdown.Icroucheddownnexttoherandpeeredinside.Myfilthylittlefurballhadinchedcloserandwasalmostwithinlickingorbitingdistance.
“Becareful,”Iwarnedher.Visionsofrabidsquirrelsassailedme.
“Thissweetbabyisn’tgoingtoattackme.She’sgonnaruinthisveryniceshirtwhenIsnuggleherup.Butthat’llbeworthit.Won’tit,princess?”
Anxietywasbuildinginmychest.Ididn’tbothertryingtofigureoutwhathadtriggeredit.Everythingseemedtothesedays.“Lina,I’mserious.Thisispolicebusiness.Letmehandlethis,”Isaidfirmly.
“Youdidnotjustpolicebusinessmeoverashiveringstray.”Hervoiceechoedeerily.
“Idon’twantyoutogethurt.”
“I’mnotgoingtogethurt,andifIdo,Imadethechoiceandwebothcandealwithit.Besides,youandthosebroad,hero-likeshoulderswouldneverfitinhere.”
IshouldhavecalledthecountyAnimalControl.SkinnyDekewouldfitjustfine.
Icouldn’tseeclearly,butitlookedasifthedoginchedabitclosertosniffdelicatelyatLina’soutstretchedhand.
“Jerkyme,Nash,”Linasaid.Sheextendedheroppositearmbackandwiggledherfingers.
Mysemisoliddickwasstillhavingahellofatimeignoringthewaythoseleggingshuggedherass.ButImanagedtoripopenthebagofjerkyandhandsomeover.
Linatookitandreachedtowardthedog.“Hereyougo,cutie.”
Thelittle,muddyfurballbellycrawledtentativelytowardherhand.
Smalldogsbittoo.Linawouldn’tbeabletoblockanattack.Andthentherewerethingslikeinfectionstoworryabout.Whoknewwhatparasitesweregrowinginthishalf-frozenmuck?Whatifshegotaninfectionorneededfacialreconstructivesurgery?Allonmywatch
Linakeptonmakingkissingnoisesandthedoginchedcloserasmyheartthreatenedtosmashitswaythroughmysternum.
“Lookatthis.Anicepieceofbeefjerky.It’sallyours,”shesaid,wavingthejerkytemptinglyinfrontofthedog.
IlockedmyhandsonLina’shipsandgotreadytopull.
“No,thenicemanisjustgivingmeahugfrombehind.He’snotfreakingyououtwithhisscaryvibesatall,”shecontinued.
“Idon’thavescaryvibes,”Icomplained.
“Nash,ifyourfingersdiginanyharder,I’mgonnahavebruises.Andnotthefunkind,”shesaid.
Iglanceddownandfoundmyfingerswhiteknuckledonthecurvesofherhips.Iloosenedmygrip.
“Goodgirl!”LinasaidandIleaneddown,tryingtoseewhatwashappening.ButIwashinderedbymyshoulderandtheviewwasblockedbytheaforementionedshapelyass.
“I’vegotoursweetgirlallsnuggledupinagoodgrip,”Linareported.“There’sjustoneproblem.”
“What?”
“Ican’twiggleoutandholdontoher.You’regonnahavetopullmeout.”
Istareddownatherassagain.IwasgoingtohavetoberealcarefulhowIwroteupthisincidentreportorGravewouldhaveafuckingfielddaywithit.
“Comeon,Chief.Iwon’tbite.GetmeoutofthisdisgustingswampbeforeIstartthinkingaboutrabiesandfleas.”
Ihadtwooptions.Icouldstandupanddragheroutbytheankles,orIcouldpullherbackbythehips.
“Justsoyouknow,I’mpickingtheoptionthatwilldotheleastamountofdamagetoyourlowerback.”
“Justgrabahandfulandpull.”
“Fine.Butyoustopmeifyougetuncomfortableorifthedogstartstofreakout.”
“Jesus,Nash,I’mgivingyouconsenttohaulmeoutofthisdrainagepipebymyass.Gettoit!”
Wonderinghowabriefmentalhealthexercisehadgottenmehere,Igrabbedherhipsandyankedthembackagainstmygroin.IbarelymanagedtobitebackagroanasLina’storsoslidoutofthedrain.
“Everythingokay?”Iaskedthroughgrittedteeth.
“Allgood.She’sasweetlittlething.Smellslikeabagoffertilizer,butshe’sfriendly.”
Itookafirmergriponherhips.“Howdoyouknowshe’sashe?”
“Pinkcollarunderallthatgrime.”
Ihopedtohellthatwasn’tacarengineIheardontheroad.“IsweartoGodifanyonedrivesby…”Imuttered
“Comeon,hotshot.Showmewhatyou’vegot,”Linaencouraged.Thedoggaveanexcitedyipasifagreeingwithherheroine.
Iinchedbackwardonmyknees,thendraggedherhipsbackintome.Again,theperfectcurveslandedinexactlytherightplace.Butthistimeherhead,arms,andthedogslidfreeofthepipeontothefrozengrass.Shewasonkneesandelbows,asstocrotchwithme.MyhearthittripletimeandIfeltlight-headedforreasonsthatforoncehadnothingtodowithanxiety.
AsnazzylittlePorscheSUVcrossedthedoublelineandpulledoverbehindmyvehicle.“Needanyhelpthere,Chief?”Naomi’sbestfriend,StefanLiao,smirkedbehindthewheel.
IlookeddownatLina,whoraisedhereyebrowatmeoverhershoulder.ItlookedlikeIwasmountingthewomanonthesideoftheroad.
“Ithinkwe’vegotithandled,Stef,”shecalledback.
Stefflashedalittlesaluteandgrinnedwickedly.“Well,I’lljustbeonmywaytotelleveryoneIseehowChiefMorganstartshisSaturdaymorning.”
“I’llarrestyouforbeingapainintheass,”Iwarnedhim.
“Lookslikeyouwouldknow,Chief,”Stefsaid.Withawinkandawave,hedroveoffinthedirectionoftown.
“Nash?”
“What?”Ibitouttheword.
“Youthinkyoucouldletmego?I’mstartingtogetideasthatmightmakeournewfriendhereblush.”
Swearingundermybreath,Itookmyhands—andgroin—offher,thenslippedtheleasharoundthedog’sskinnyneck.Itwasindeedwearingadirtypinkcollarwithnotags.Boththecollarandthedoglookedasifthey’dbeenthroughaten-milemudrace.
Ididn’tknowwhethertopickupthewomanorthedoganddecideditwassafertogoforthedog.Sheshiveredpatheticallyinmyarms,evenashertatteredtailtappedoutanervousbeatagainstmygut.Linaclimbedtoherfeet.
“Congratulations,Daddy.It’sagirl,”Linasaid.Sheslidherphoneoutofitssleeveandsnappedapictureofme.
“Stop,”Iorderedgruffly.
“Don’tworry.Icroppeditatthewaistsonoonewillseewhatkindofweaponryyou’repacking,”sheteased,comingtostandbeforemeandtakingaselfieofthethreeofus.Iscowledforitandshelaughed.
Thedogscrambledhigherupmychest,shiveringinmyarms.“Lina,IsweartoGod…”
Shebroughtahandtomychestandtheturmoilinsidemequieted.“Relax,Nash.”Hertonewassoft,asifsheweretalkingtothebedraggleddisasterofadogagain.“I’mjustteasingyou.You’refine.I’mfine.Everythingisfine.”
“It’sinappropriate.Iwasinappropriate,”Iinsisted.
“Determinedtobeatyourselfup,aren’tyou?”
ThedogburiedherheadundermychinasifIwassomehowgoingtoprotecther.
“Howaboutthis?”Linasaid,givingthedogasoothingstrokewithherotherhand.“I’llstopteasingyou—temporarily.IfyouconcedethatthereareworsethingsthanmakingmefeelphysicallyattractiveevenwhenI’msweatyandcoveredinmud.Deal?”
Thesmellymongrelchosethatmomenttolickmyfacefromjawtoeyeball.
“Ithinkshelikesyou,”Linaobserved.
“Shesmellslikeasewageplant,”Icomplained.Butthelittledog’seyeslockedontome,andIfeltsomething.NotthelickingofflamesthatattackedeverytimeLinawaswithintouchingdistance,butsomethingelse.Somethingsweeter,sadder.
“Sowhat’stheplan,Chief?”Linaasked.
“Plan?”Irepeated,stillstaringintothosepatheticbrowneyes.FOUR
DOWNRIGHTFILTHY
Lina
Withourscruffyprizefed,watered,andwrappedinafreshT-shirt,Iclimbedintothepassengerseatwearingthechiefofpolice’sKnockemoutPDsweatshirt.NotexactlythewayI’dseenmymorninggoing.Ithoughtalongrunwouldclearmyhead,notendup“doggystyle”withNashMorgan.
Themanwiththeimpressiveself-controlclosedmydoor,roundedthehood,andslidbehindthewheel.Hesatforabeat.Exhaustionandtensionpumpedoffhimashestaredthroughthewindshield.
“Isthiswhereithappened?”Iasked.I’dreadthenewsarticles,thereports,aboutthetrafficstopturnedtrap.
“Wherewhathappened?”hehedged,feigninginnocenceashefastenedhisseatbelt.
“Oh,sowe’regoingtoplayitlikethat?Okay.YoujusthappenedtobedrivingbythespotwhereyouwereshotandthenusedyourX-rayvisiontodeterminetherewasadogtrappedinastormpipe.”
“Nope,”hesaid,thenstartedtheengineandcrankedtheheat.“Itwasmysuperhearing,notmyX-rayvision.”
Ibitmylipandthenwentforit.“Isittrueyoudon’trememberit?”
Hegrunted,swingingthevehicleacrossbothlanesinaU-turnandheadingfortown.
Okaythen.
Nashpulledintothespotnexttomycherry-redChargeratthebackofourbuilding.TheparkinglotforHonkyTonk,Knox’shillbillybikerbar,wasdesertedexceptforahandfulofcarsleftbehindbylastnight’sresponsibledrinkers.
Westareddownatthesmellybundleoffurandleavesinmyarms,thenNashraisedhisgazetome.Thosedenim-blueeyesweretroubledandIfelttheveryfeminine,veryannoyingdesiretomakeitallbetter.
“Thanksfortheassistanceoutthere,”hesaidfinally.
“Anytime.Ihopeyouweren’ttooscandalized,”Iteased.
Helookedawayandrubbedatthespotbetweenhiseyebrows,anervoustell.
“Don’tyoudarestartapologizingagain,”Iwarned.
Helookedbackatme,acurveonhislips.“Whatdoyouwantmetosay?”heasked.
“Howabout‘Let’sgogivethisfurballabath’?”Isuggestedandopenedmydoor.
Heclimbedoutafterme.“Youdon’thavetodothat.Icantakeitfromhere.”
“I’minvested.Besides,I’malreadyamess.Andifchildhoodmemoriesserve,fourhandsarebetterthantwowhenitcomestodogbaths.”
IheadedforthedoortothebackstairsandhidasmilewhenIheardhimswearunderhisbreathbeforefollowingme.
Hecaughtuptome,walkingjustalittlecloserthannecessary,thenheldthedoorforme.Thedog’sheadpeekedoutofherT-shirtwrapandIfeltherscragglytailwagagainstmystomach.
Itookthestairsslowerthanusual,consciousofthebundleIwascarryingandthemannexttome.
“Mindifwecleanherupatyourplace?”Iaskedaswehitthestairs.TherewasaboxoffilesthatIdefinitelydidnotneedNashtoseeonmytable.
“Yeah,sure,”hesaidafterabeat
Wereachedthetopofthestairsandhisshoulderbrushedminewhenhedugintohispocketforhiskeys.Ifeltitagain.Thatzingofawarenesseverytimewetouched.Thatwasn’tsupposedtobethere.Ididn’tlikespontaneousphysicaltouch.Iwasalwayshyperawareofit.ButwithNashitfelt…different.
Heunlockedthedoorandopenedit,steppingbacksoIcouldgofirst.
Iblinked.Hisplacewasthemirrorimageofminewithourbedroomsandbathroomssharingawall.Butwhereminewasanunrenovatedblankslate,Nash’sapartmenthadbeenupdatedsometimethisdecade.Ithadalsobeentrashed.
Nothingaboutthemanstruckmeasaslob,buttheevidencewasundeniablystrewneverywhere.
Theblindsweredrawnoverthefrontwindows,blockingoutthelightandviewofthestreet.Therewasapartiallyfoldedmoundoflaundryonthecoffeetable.Itlookedasthoughhe’dgivenuponthefoldingandhadjustbeenpluckingcleanclothesoffthetopforawhile.Thefloorwaslitteredwithdirtyclothes,resistancebandsmostlikelyforphysicaltherapy,andget-wellcards.Therewasarumpledblanketandpillowonthecouch.
Thekitchenhadnewappliancesandgranitecountersandopenedtothemainlivingspace,whichgavemeanunobstructedviewofdirtydishes,oldto-gocontainers,andatleastfourdeadflowerarrangements.Hisdiningroomtable,likemyown,wascoveredinfilesandmoreunopenedmail.
Thewholeplacesmelledstuffylikeithadbeenclosedup,unused.Liketherewasnolifeinit.
“It’s…uh…usuallynotthiscluttered.I’vebeenbusylately,”hesaid,soundingembarrassed.
Iwasnowonemillionpercentpositivethatthosewoundsofhiswentdeeperthanhewaslettingon.
“Bathroom?”Iasked.
“Thatway,”hesaid,pointinginthedirectionofthebedroomandlookingjustalittlesheepish.
Thebedroomwasn’tasmuchofadisasterastherestoftheplace.Infact,itlookedlikeavacanthotelroom.Thefurniture—abed,dresser,andpairofnightstands—allmatched.Abovetheneatlymadebedwasaframedcollectionofcountrymusicprints.Prescriptionbottleswerelineduplikearowofsoldiersononeofthenightstands.Therewasafinelayerofdustonthesurface
Themanwasdefinitelysleepingonthecouch.
Thebathroomwastypicalforabachelor.Fewproductsandabsolutelynoattemptatatmosphere.TheshowercurtainandtowelswerebeigeforGod’ssake.
Mybathtubwasbetter,aclaw-foottohismoremoderntilesurround.Therewasapileofdirtylaundryonthefloornexttoaperfectlygoodhamper.Ifthemanhadn’tbeenobviouslybattlingsomekindofdemons,hishotnesswouldhavedroppedseveralpointsforthatinfraction.
“Mindclosingthedoor?”Iasked.
Hestilllookedalittledazed.TherewassomethingaboutthewoundedNashMorganthattuggedatme.Andthetemptationtotugbackwasnearlyoverwhelming.
“Nash?”Ireachedoutandgavehisarmasqueeze.
Hejolted,thengavealittleheadshake.“Yeah.Sorry.What?”
“Mindclosingthedoorsooursmellylittlepalcan’tgetout?”
“Sure.”Heclosedthedoorsoftly,thenrubbedthatspotbetweenhisbrowsagain.“Sorryaboutthemess.”
HelookedsolostIhadtofighttheurgetotacklehimandkissitbetter.Instead,Iheftedthedogintohislineofsight.“TheonlymessI’mconcernedwithisthisone.”
IputherdownandunwoundtheT-shirt.Sheimmediatelyputhernosetothetileandstartedsniffing.Abravegirlscopingouthernewenvironment.
Nashsprangintoactionlikeawoodenpuppetbecomingarealboy.Hebentandturnedonthewaterinthetub.Thetownwasnotwrongaboutthatveryfineass,IdecidedasIstrippedhissweatshirtoffovermyhead.
IheldupthefilthydogT-shirt.“Youmighthavetoburnthis.”
“Mighthavetoburnthisbathroom.”Henoddedatthedog,whowasleavingtinymuddyfootprintseverywhere.
Idraggedmystainedcroptopoffandaddedittothepileofquestionablelaundry.
Nashtookonelonglookatmysportsbraandthennearlygavehimselfwhiplashspinningaroundtotestthewatertemperaturewithhishandandunnecessarilyadjustingtheshowercurtain.
Sweetandgentlemanly.
Definitelynotmytype.ButIhadtoadmit,Ilikedseeinghimriled.
Stillavoidinglookingdirectlyatme,Nashgrabbedapileoftowelsfromthelinenclosetanddroppedtwofoldedonesonthefloornexttothetubbeforedrapingathirdoverthesink.
“Betterlosetheshirt,hotshot,”Iadvised.
Heglanceddownathisuniformbutton-downthatwascoveredinstreaksofmudandgrassstains.Onagrimace,heworkedthebuttonsopenandstrippeditoff,droppingitintothehamper.Thenhescoopedthepileofdirtylaundryfromthefloorandaddedittothehamper
Hehadonawhiteundershirtthathuggedhischest.Astripofthecolorfuladhesivetapeathletesusedoninjurieswasvisibleundertheleftsleeve.
“Whydon’tyougrababigcuporsomethingfromthekitchen?Idon’twanttousethesprayeronherifit’sgonnascarethehelloutofher,”hesuggested.
“Sure.”Ilefthimandthedogandbeganmyquestforadog-washingvessel.
Aquicksearchofhiscabinetsprovedthatmosteverydishthemanownedwaseitherinthesinkortheoverflowingdishwasherthat,judgingbythesmell,hadn’tbeenrunrecently.Idumpeddetergentintothedishwasher,startedthecycle,thenhand-washedalarge,plasticDino’sPizzacup.
IonlyfeltthesmallestsplinterofguiltwhenIwanderedpasthistabletoperusethefiles.
Itwasonthewaybacktothebathroom,soitwasn’tlikeI’dmadeaspecialtrip.Besides,Ihadajobtodo.Anditwasn’tmyfaulthe’dleftthemoutintheopen,Ireasoned.
Ittookmelessthanthirtysecondstozeroinonthreefolders.
HUGO,DUNCAN.
WITT,TINA.
217.
217wasapolicecodeforassaultwithattempttomurder.Itdidn’ttakeageniustoguessthatitwasprobablythepolicereportonNash’sshooting.Iwasdefinitelycurious.ButIonlyhadtimeforaquickpeek,whichmeantprioritizing.Sendingaglanceinthedirectionofthebedroom,IliftedthetopoftheHugofilewithonefinger.ThefolderfeltgrittyandIrealizedthat,likethenightstandinhisbedroom,itwascoveredinafinelayerofdust.
I’dbarelyglancedatthepaperontop,anunflatteringmugshotfromafewyearsago,whenIheard,“Youfindsomething?”
Startled,Idroppedthefolderclosed,myheartkickingintohighgear,beforerealizingNashwascallingfromthebathroom.
Itookastepbackfromthetableandblewoutabreath.“Coming,”Iyelledbackweakly.
WhenIreturnedtothebathroom,myhearttrippedoveritself.Nashwasnowshirtless,hissoppingwetundershirtonthefloornexttothetub.Andhewassmiling.Likefull-onhot-guysmile.
Betweenthehalf-frontalandthegrin,Ifrozeinplaceandappreciatedtheview.
“Ifyoudon’tstopflingingwatereverywhere,you’regonnafloodthebarbershop,”Nashwarnedthedogassheracedfromoneendofthetubtotheother.Hesplashedwaterfromthefaucetatherandsheletoutaseriesofhoarseyetdelightedbarks.
Iletoutalaugh.Bothmananddogturnedtolookatme.
“FiguredI’dgetherinthetubtomakesureshewasn’tgonnagoallgremlinonus,”Nashsaid.
Theman’slifemightbegatheringdust,butthatheroismwentbone-deep.Thesplinterofguiltgrewintosomethingbigger,sharper,andIcountedmyluckystarsthathehadn’tactuallycaughtmesnooping.
Therewasafinelinebetweennecessaryriskandstupidity.
Ijoinedhimonthefloor,kneelingononeofthefoldedtowels,andhandedoverthecup.“Youtwolooklikeyou’rehavingfun,”Isaid,tryingtosoundlikeawomanwhohadn’tjustinvadedNash’sprivacy.
Thesoggylittlegremlinsetherfrontpawsonthelipofthetubandlookedupatuswithadoration.Herrattytailblurredwithhappiness,sendingdropletsofdirtywatereverywhere.
“SeeifyoucanhangontoherwhileIdouseher,”Nashsuggested,fillingthecupwithcleanwater.
“Comehere,littlehairymermaid.”
Weworkedsidebyside,scrubbing,sudsing,rinsing,andlaughing.
EverytimeNash’sbarearmbrushedmine,goosebumpsexplodedacrossmyskin.EverytimeIfelttheurgetomovecloserinsteadofputtingsomedistancebetweenus,Iwonderedwhatthehellwaswrongwithme.Iwascloseenoughtoseeeverywincehemadewhenhemovedhisshoulderinawaythatdidn’tagreewiththedamagedmuscles.Butheneveroncecomplained.
Ittookfourwaterchangesandhalfanhourbeforethedogwasfinallyclean.
Herwiryfurwasmostlywhitewithascatteringofdarkpatchesonherlegs.Shehadonespottedearandonebrownandblackone.
“Whatareyougoingtocallher?”IaskedasNashpluckedthedogfromthetub.Shelickedhisfacewithexuberance.
“Me?”Hemaneuveredhisheadawayfromthepinktongue.“Stoplickingme.”
“Can’tblameher.You’vegotalickableface.”
Hegavemeoneofthosesmolderinglooksbeforegentlysettingherdown.Sheshook,sendingwaterinasix-footradius.
Igrabbedthetowelanddrapeditoverher.“Youfoundher.Yougetnamingrights.”
“Shehadacollar.She’sprobablyalreadygotaname.”
ShewiggledundermyhandsasIrubbedherfurrylittlebodydry.“Maybeshedeservesanewone.Anewnameforafreshstart.”
HeeyedmeforalongbeatuntilIwantedtosquirmunderhisperusal.Thenhesaid,“Youhungry?”
“Scout?Lucky?”IpeereddownatthenowcleandogasIprogrammedapotofcoffee.
Nashlookedoverfromthepanofeggshewasscrambling.“Scrappy?”
“Nope.Noreaction.Lula?”Isankdowntothefloorandclappedmyhands.Sheprancedovertomeandhappilyacceptedmyaffectionatepetting.
“Gizmo?Splinter?”
“Splinter?”Iscoffed.
“TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles,”Nashsaid,thathintofasmilevisibleagain.
“Splinterwasasewerrat.”
“Asewerratwithmartialartsskills,”hepointedout.
“Thisyoungladyneedsadebutantename,”Iinsisted.“LikePoppyorJennifer.”
Noreactionfromthecanine,butthemanintheroomworkedhiswayuptoafullsmirkofamusement.“HowaboutBuffy?”
Ismiledintothedog’sfur.“Thevampireslayer?”
Hepointedthespatulaatme.“That’stheone.”
“Ilikeit,butsheseemsambivalenttoBuffy,”Iobserved.
IcouldhavegonenextdoortochangewhileNashmadebreakfast,butI’ddecidedinsteadtopullonhissweatshirtagainandhangout.He—unfortunately—hadchanged,puttingonacleanshirtandjeans.
Nowwewereperformingsomesortofcozy,domesticsceneinthekitchen.Coffeebrewed,agorgeous,barefootmandidbreakfastythingsatthestove,andthefaithfuldogdancedatourfeet.
Nashscoopedaportionoftheeggsontooneofthethreepaperplateshe’dlinedupandsetitaside.ThelittledogsprangoutofmylaptopawatNash’sleg.
“Holdyourhorses.Letitcoolofffirst,”headvisedher.Herraspyyipsaidshewasn’tinterestedinholdinganyone’shorses.
Igotupandwashedmyhands.Nashtossedmethehandtowelheworeoverhisshoulder,thenstartedsprinklingcheeseovertheeggs.Feelingcompanionable,Ifoundtwodirtymugsonthecounterandwashedthem.
ThetoasterspitouttwopiecesofnicelybrownedbreadjustasIpouredthefirstcupofcoffee.
“Wefoundherinapipe.SohowaboutPiper?”Nashsuggestedsuddenly.
Thedogperkedup,thensat,cockingherhead.
“Shelikesthatone,”Inoted.“Don’tyou,Piper?”
Shewiggledherlittlehindendinacknowledgment.
“Thinkwe’vegotourselvesawinner,”Nashagreed.
Ipouredthesecondmug,watchingashedepositedtheplateofeggsonthefloor.“Comeandgetit,Piper.”
Thedogpounced,bothfrontpawslandingontheplateasshescarfedupherbreakfast.
“She’sgoingtoneedanotherbath,”Isaidwithalaugh.
Nashdroppedapieceoftoastoneachoftheremainingplates,thenawkwardlyusedhisrighthandtotopthemwiththecheesyeggmixture.
“Andmorebreakfast,”heobserved,handingmeaplate.
NashMorganwasgoingtomakesomewomanveryluckysomeday.
Weatestandinginthekitchen,whichfeltsaferandlessdomestictomethanclearingaspotatthetable.ThoughIwouldn’thavemindedanotherlookatthosefiles.
Iwasheretodoajob,notcomplicatethingsbygettingcozywithanunfairlyhotneighbor.
Evenifhedidmakereallygoodcheesyeggs.Andlookedreallygoodwithhisfreshshirtandsoulfullywoundedeyes.Everytimeourgazesconnected,Ifelt…something.Likethespacebetweenuswaschargedwithenergythatkeptintensifying.
“Whatmakesyoufeelalive?”heaskedabruptly.
“Huh?”wasmywittyresponse,mymouthcrammedfullofthelastbiteoftoast.
Hewasholdinghismugandstaringatme,halfofhisbreakfastabandonedontheplate.
Heneededtoeat.Thebodyneededfueltoheal.
“Itusedtobewalkingintothestationforme.Everymorning,notknowingwhatthedaywouldholdbutfeelinglikeIwasreadyforanything,”hesaidalmosttohimself.
“Doesn’titmakeyoufeelthesamenow?”Iasked.
Hegaveaone-shoulderedshrug,butthewayhiseyeslockedonmewasanythingbutcasual.“Whataboutyou?”
“Drivingfast.Loudmusic.Findingtheperfectpairofshoesonsale.Dancing.Running.Thechase.Sweaty,desperatesex.”
Hisgazeturnedhotandthetemperatureintheroomseemedtoriseseveraldegrees.
Need.ItwastheonlywordIcouldthinktodescribewhatIsawinthoseblueeyesofhis,andthatstilldidn’tdoitjustice.
Hetookasteptowardmeandmybreathcaughtinmythroatthankstoawildmixofanticipation,adrenaline,andfear.Wow.Wow.Wow.
Myheartwasabouttoexplodeoutofmychest.Butinagoodwayforonce.
Ineededtogetaholdofmyself.Wasn’tItryingtoavoidimpulsiveleaps?
Beforeeitherofuscouldsayor—dearlord—doanything,myphonerangshrilly,joltingmeoutofwhateverbadideaI’dbeenabouttojumpinto.
“I,uh,needtotakethis,”Itoldhim,holdingupmyphone.
Hisgazewasstilllockedonmeinawaythatmadeeverythinginsidefeeljustalittledesperate.Okay,fine.Alotdesperate.Andamilliondegreesofhot
“Yeah,”hesaidfinally.“Thanksforthehelp.”
“Anytime,hotshot,”ImanagedweaklyasItriednottorunforthedoor.
“Hi,Daley,”Isaid,answeringthecallasIclosedNash’sdoorbehindme.
“Lina,”mybosssaidbywayofagreeting.DaleyMatterhornwasanefficientsortofwomanwhodidn’tusetwowordswhenonewoulddo.Atfifty-two,sheoversawateamofadozeninvestigators,heldablackbeltinkarate,andparticipatedintriathlonsforfun.
“What’sup?”Ourlineofworkdidn’trespecttheMondaythroughFridaynine-to-fivehours,soitwasn’tconcerningthatshe’dcalledonaSaturdaymorning.
“Iknowyou’reinthemiddleofaninvestigation,butI’dlikeyoutoputthatonpause.WecoulduseyourhelpinMiami.RonaldtrackedthemissingRenauxpaintingtothehomeofarecentlyarresteddrugkingpin.Weneedsomeonetoleadaretrievalteamtomorrownightbeforesomeofficerofthelawdecidesthepaintingiseitherevidenceoranassettobefrozen.There’sonlyahandfulofsecurityon-site.Shouldbeapieceofcakeforyou.”
Ifeltthefamiliarquickeningofmypulse,excitementrisingatthethoughtoftiptoeingjustoverthelineforanotherwin.
Butputtingtogetheranoperationintwenty-fourhourswasn’tjustrisky,itwasdownrightdangerous.AndDaleyknewit.
Damnit.
“You’reaskingmetoleadateamafterwhathappenedonthelastjob?”
“Yougotthejobdone.Theclientwasthrilled.AndIdidn’thearyoucomplainingwhenyoucollectedyourbonus.”
“Someonegothurt,”Iremindedher.Igotsomeonehurt.
“Lewisknewtherisks.We’renotsellinglifeinsurancepoliciesandpushingpapershere.Thisjobcomeswithacertainamountofriskandanyonewhodoesn’thavetheballstofacethatiswelcometoseekemploymentelsewhere.”
“Ican’tdoit.”Idon’tknowwhichoneofuswasmoresurprisedwhenthewordscameoutofmymouth.“I’mmakingprogresshereandnowisn’tagoodtimetoleave.”
“You’rebasicallydoingon-siteresearch.Icansendsomeoneelsetoaskquestionsandsearchpropertyrecords.Literallyanyoneelse.”
“I’dprefertoseethisthrough,”Isaid,digginginmyheels.
“Youknow,there’sapositionopeningupinHighNetAssets,”Daleysaid,casuallydanglingmydreamjobinfrontofmelikeitwasapairofsparklyJimmyChoos.
“Iheardrumors,”Isaid,myheartbeatingalittlefaster.
TheHighNetAssetsdepartmentmeantmoretravel,longerjobs,deepercover,andbiggerbonuses.Italsomeantmoresoloassignments.Itwasmybig,scarygoalandnowhereitwas.
“Somethingtokeepinmind.It’lltakesomeonewithguts,someonewhoisn’tintimidatedbydangeroussituations,someonewhoisn’tafraidofbeingthebest.”
“Iunderstand,”Isaid.
“Good.Ifyouchangeyourmindabouttomorrow,callme.”
“Willdo.”IhungupandshovedmyhandsintothefrontpocketofNash’shoodie.
Partofmewantedtosayyes.Togetonaplane,digintotheintel,andfindawayin.Butthebigger,louderpartofmeknewIwasn’tpreparedtoleadateam.I’dproventhatresoundingly.
Andtherewasanothersmaller,barelyaudiblepartthatwasgettingtiredofshittymotelsandendlesshoursofsurveillance.Theonethatcarriedthemantelofguiltandfrustrationforanopgonewrong.Theonethatmightbelosingheredge.FIVE
WHATHAPPENSINTHESHOWERSTAYSINTHESHOWER
Nash
“Stopeatin’thelaundry,Pipe,”Icalledwearilyfromthekitchenfloor.Iwasknee-deepindeadflowerpetalsfromthehalfdozen“sorryyougotshot”floralarrangementspeoplehadsentduringmyrecovery.Itremindedmevaguelyofmymom’sfuneral.
Thedamndogzoomedaroundtheisland,oneofmycleansockshangingoutofhermouth.
Iwasexhaustedandexasperated.
I’dcalledtherescueinLawlervilletoseeaboutdroppingPiperoffbutwastoldtheywerefullupaftertakinginadozenpetsdisplacedbyahurricanethathadchurnedthroughTexas.IwaswelcometotryanothershelterinDCthey’dsaid.Butafteranothercoupleofcalls,allI’dgottenweremore“sorry,we’refull”answersorwarningsthatdogswithmedicalissuesoronesthatdidn’tgetadoptedoutfastenoughwereatriskofbeingputdown.
SohereIwas,thereluctantfosterdadtoascruffy,anxiety-riddenmutt.
Icouldbarelytakecareofmyself.HowinthehellwasIsupposedtotakecareofadog?
We’dtakenafieldtriptothevetforacheckup,duringwhichPiperhadcoweredbehindmeliketheniceladyvetwithtreatswasthedevil.Afterhercleanbillofhealth,wehitupKnockemout’spetshopforsomebasicsupplies.Butownerandshrewdsalesguy,Gael,hadseenmydumbasscomingamileaway.OnelookatPiper’shappylittlefacewhenshefoundanentireaisleofstuffedanimalsandGaelhadtoputtheBackin15signinthewindowtohelpmehaulallmypurchaseshome.
Fancyhealthfood,gourmettreats,leasheswithmatchingcollars,toys,anorthopedicdogbednicerthanmyownmattress.He’deventhrowninafreakingsweaterthingtokeep“PrincessPiper”warmonwalks.
Piperprancedoverandgaveamuffledbarkthroughthesockandthestuffedlambshe’dmanagedtocramintohermouth.
“What?Idon’tknowwhatyouwant.”
Shespitthelamboutontopofthepileofdeadflowers.
Iscrubbedmyhandsovermyface.Iwasn’tequippedforthis.Caseinpoint:Myapartment.
ItlookedlikeKnox’sbedroomasateenager.Smelledlikeittoo.Ihadn’treallynoticedituntilI’dnoticedLinaandthenGaelnoticing.
SoinsteadofploddingthroughpaperworkatthestationlikeI’dplanned,I’dturnedonafootballgame,openedthedamnblinds,andgottoworkcleaning.
Thedishwasherwasonitsthirdandfinalload.IhadaMountEverestofcleanlaundrytoputaway—ifIcouldgetthedogtostopstealingit.I’dattackedthelayersofdustandstickyfurniturerings,tossedweeks’worthofmoldytakeout,andevenmanagedtoorderasmallgrocerydelivery.
PiperkeptmecompanyasIwashed,scrubbed,sorted,purged,andputaway.Shedidn’tcaremuchforthevacuumcleaner.ButthenIfiguredshedidn’thaveroomtocomplainseeingashowupuntilthatmorning,she’dbeenlivinginadrainpipe.
Shecockedherheadanddancedinplace,hernewlytrimmedtoenailstappingonthewoodfloor.
Onanoath,Itossedthelambinthedirectionofthelivingroomandwatchedthedogtearafteritindelight.
Myshoulderached.Myheadpounded.WearinessmademybonesfeelbrittleasifIhadsufferedacaseofthepermanentflu.HoweasywoulditbetojustsithereonthefloorfortherestofwhatevertimeIhadleft?
Therewasaloudthunkofthebroomhandlehittingthefloorfollowedbyapitifulyipandthescramblingoftoenailsonthefloor.Piperreappearedwithoutthesockorthelambandthrewherselfinmylap,trembling.
“Fuckme,”Imuttered.“YouthinkI’mcapableofprotectingyoufromanything?Ican’tevenprotectmyself.”
Thisdidn’tseemtoconcernthelittledogasshewastoobusyburrowingdeeperintomycrotch.
Isighed.“Okay,weirdo.Let’sgo.I’llsaveyoufromthebigbadbroom.”
Ituckedherundermyarmandcreakilygottomyfeet,feelinglikeIwasahundredyearsold.Idumpedtherestoftheflowercarcassesintotheoverflowingtrashcan,snaggedthelastbasketoflaundry,andtrudgedintothebedroom.
“There.Happy?”Iasked,puttingPiperandthebasketonthebed.
Shetrottedtotheheadofthebedtomypillow,thencurledinatightball,tailovernose,andletoutasnortysigh.
“Don’tgetusedtoit.Ijustdroppedeighty-sixbucksonadogbedforyou,nottomentionthesecondIcanfindafosterfamily,you’reoutthedoor.”
Sheclosedhereyesandignoredme.
“Fine.Keepthebed.”
Itwasn’tlikeI’dbeensleepinginiteither.Instead,Icampedoutonthecouch,lettingthedroneofQVChostslullmetosleepwherethedreamshauntedmeuntilIwokeagaintothedarkcloudthatneverletthelightthrough.
Itwasafunandproductivecycle.
Themountainoffoldedlaundry—nearlymyentirewardrobe—satthere,daringmetoignoreit.
“Christ.”HowmanygrayT-shirtsdidIneed?Andwhyinthehelldidanevennumberofsocksnevermakeitoutofthedryer?Justanotheroflife’sgreatmysteriesthatwouldneverbesolved.Likewhatwasthepointofitallandwhydidrabbitswaituntilyougotuptospeedbeforedartingoutinfrontofyou?
Thepillbottlesonthenightstandcaughtmyeye.
Ihadn’ttouchedthepainpills.Buttheothers,onesfordepression,onesforanxiety,hadhelpedinthebeginning.UntilI’ddecidedtojustembracethatcold,darkemptiness.Towallowinit.ToseehowlongIcouldsurviveinitsmurkydepths.
Iscrapedthebottlesintothedrawerandshutit.
ThedogletoutaloudsnoreandIrealizeditwasdarkoutside.
I’dmadeitthroughanotherday.
I’deaten.
I’dcleaned.
I’dtalkedtopeopleinmorethanjustbad-temperedgrunts.
AndIhadn’tletanyoneseetheyawningchasmofemptinessthatlivedinmychest.
IfIcouldsqueezeinashowerandashave,itwouldbeenough.
Piper’slegstensedandsheletoutasleepyyip.ShewasdreamingandIwonderedifitwasagooddreamoranightmare.Carefulnottowakeher,Ituckedthelambnexttohertowardoffthebadandthenheadedintothebathroom.
Iturnedonthenowcleanshowerandcrankedthewatertemperaturebeforestrippingoutofmyclothes.Thepinkpuckeredscarscaughtmyeyeinthemirror.Oneontheshoulder,oneonmylowerabdomenfromtheshotthathadgonecleanthrough.
Mybodywashealing,atleastontheoutside.ButitwasmymindIworriedabout.
Losingone’smindandembracingadownwardspiralunfortunatelyraninthefamily.
TherewasonlysofaryoucouldrunfromwhatwastattooedonyourDNA.
Thesteambeckonedmeintotheshower.Iletthewatersluiceoverme,relaxingcoilsoftightmusclewithitsheat.Islappedmypalmsagainstthecooltileandduckedmyheadunderthestream.
Lina.
Animageofherlaughinginadampsportsbraandlittleelsesurfaced,followedquicklybytherestofourmorningtogether.Linawide-eyedandworried.LinaonherhandsandkneesasIdraggedherbackagainstme.LinagrinningatmefrommypassengerseatasIdroveushome.
Mycockhungheavybetweenmylegs,stirringtolifeasthoughtsofherblurredintofantasies.
Itwasadepravedkindoflonging.OneIalmostrelishedbecausefeelingsomething,anythingwasbetterthannothing.Andbecausethatfucked-upneedhadgivenmesomethingIwasafraidI’dlost.
Ihadn’tgottenhardsincegettingmyselfshot.Notuntilthismorning…withher
Mycockthickenedasarousalkindledinme.
Ihadn’tletmyselfthinkaboutit.Afterall,whatkindofanassholeprioritizedthefunctionofhisdickoverhismentalhealth?SoI’dburiedtheworryandpretendedeverythingbelowthebeltwasjusttiredorboredorwhateverthehelldicksgot.
ButputLinaSolavitaonherkneesinfrontofmeandmyfantasiescametolife.Ithoughtaboutthefeelofherhipsundermyhands.ThecurveofherassasIpulledherintome.Desirehadmebythethroatandballs.Itwasdraggingmeoutofthedarkandintothefire.Towardher.
Icouldn’thelpmyself.Ineededmore.
Bracingonehandonthetile,Igrippedmyengorgedshaftwiththeotherandbitbackanoath.Thecontactwasbothareliefandadisappointment.Iwantedittobeherhand,hermouthwrappedaroundme.Myhandinherhairguidingherasshegotonherkneesformeandmademehumanagain.
Hersurrenderwouldmakemefeelpowerful,strong,alive
I’dfeelguiltyaboutthefantasylater,Ipromisedmyself.JustafewstrokestomakesurethatIwasstillwhole,thateverythingstillworked.AfewstrokesandI’dturnthewatertocold
Imaginingthosefulllipsopening,welcomingmeinside,Idraggedmytightfistuptothecrownaswaterhitthebackofmyhead.Mygripforcedmoisturetowellupandoutoftheslit.Imagininghereagertonguesweepingouttotasteit,Istrokedroughlydowntotheroot.
“Fuck,”Imuttered,fistingmyfreehandagainstthetile.
Thiswaswrong.ButitfeltsofuckinggoodandIneededgood.
Helpless,Iimaginedyankingdownthescoopneckofthatlittlecroppedsweatertofindherbraless,hernippleshardpointsbeggingformyattentionevenassheworkedmydickwithhermouth.
Myhipsjerkedforwardasiftheyhadamindoftheirown,thrustingintomyfist.
“Onemore.”JustonemorestrokeandI’dstop.
Exceptinmyfantasy,Linawasn’tonherkneesanymore.Shewasstraddlingme.Thatwetheatfromherpussyprotectedonlybyauselessstripofsilk.Mymouthwasatherbreast.Iswallowedhard,thinkingabouttakingoneofthoseduskypinkpeakspastmylipsandsucking.
Myhandhadforgottenabouttheonestrokelimitandwasmovinginswift,meanjerksupanddownmyshaft.Hipspumpingintime,IfeltaheavinessinmyballsthatIknewwasn’tgoingtogoawaybyfuckingmyhand.Butthatdarkdesirewasbetterthanthevoid.
Iimagineddraggingthesilkofherthongtotheside,grippingherhips,andthrustinghome.
“Fuckyes,angel.”
IcouldalmosthearherindrawnbreathasIfilledher.Islammedmyotherfistagainstthetile.Once,twice.
Iwaswaypaststoppingnow,myfistafuckingblurasitservicedmygratefulcock.
I’dlickandsuckherothernippletoapebbledpointwhilemyhandsdraggedherhipsupanddownonmyshaft.Whilesheclungtomeinsideandout.Whilesheneededmetomakehercome.
“Nash.”
Icouldalmosthearherbreathemynameasitbuiltbetweenus.Ashersweetpussygottighterandtighteraroundme.
Icouldseethosebrowneyesgoglassy,couldtastethevelvetypeakofhernippleagainstmytongue,couldfeelthepainfulclenchashergreedylittlemuscleslockeddownoneveryinchofmyshaft.
“Angel.”Ipunchedthewallagain.
She’dcomehardandlong.Thekindoforgasmthatwouldleaveherlimpenoughformetopickherupandcarryhertobedafterward.Thekindthatwouldgivemenochoicebuttofollowherdown,emptyingmyselfinsideher.Markingherasmine.
ButinsteadofthereleaseIchased,Ifoundsomethingelse.
Myvisiontunneled,thesoundoftheshowerdulledasbloodroaredinmyears.Myheartthuddedwildlyinmychestasthebandoftensiontightened.Ireleasedmycockanddraggedinashakybreath,fightingthepressure,fightingthewaveofterrorthatcrashedoverme
“Fuck.Fuck,”Irasped.“Goddammit.”
MykneesbuckledandImanagedtolowermyselfintothetub.
Stillhard.Stillwanting.Stillafraid.Iputmyhandsonmyheadandkneltunderthestreamofwateruntilitwentcold.SIX
THEMIDDLEOFAPISSINGCONTEST
Lina
TheKnockemoutPublicLibrarywashousedacrossthehallfromthepolicedepartmentintheKnoxMorganMunicipalBuilding,anamethatwasthesourceofendlessentertainmentforme.
Isnappedapictureofthebold,goldletteringandfireditoffinatexttotheman,thegrump,thelegendhimself.
Knox’sresponsewasimmediate.Amiddlefingeremoji.
Withagrin,Iputmyphoneawayandheadedinside.
Thebuildinghadbeenlargelyfundedbyahefty“donation”thatcamefromthelotterywinningsKnoxhadtriedtoforceonNash.Itwas,inmyopinion,anexpert-level“fuckyou.”
Apparently,ithadalsodrivenawedgebetweenthebrothers,onethathadbeenreinforcedbyinheritedstubbornnessandsubparfamilycommunication.
NotthatKnoxandIhadsharedanyheart-to-heartsinallouryearsoffriendship.Wekeptthingslight,didn’tburdeneachotherwiththeheavystuff.Didn’ttrytobringthingsintothelightforuselessexamination.
Andthat,ladiesandgentlemen,washowyoumadearelationshiplast.
Noburdens.Noemotionalbaggage.
Keepyourneedsfewandyourqualitytimefun.
Withthisinmind,Imadeaspecificpointnottopeerthroughtheglassintothepolicestation.Iwasn’tpreparedtomakesmalltalkwiththechiefofpolicemerehoursafterhearinghimbringinghimselftoclimaxintheshoweronenot-so-soundproofedwallaway.
Justthinkingaboutithadmycheeksheating,mydowntownfluttering.
I’dneverstoodatasinkbrushingmyteethforthatlonginmylife.
Onethingwascertain,ChiefMorganwasatickingtimebomb.AndwhoeverthisAngelwas,IhopedIwouldn’thavetohateher.
Iheadedintothelibrary.ItwasbusierandlouderthanIexpected.ThankstoDragQueenStoryHour,thechildren’ssectionhadtheenergyofapreschoolatsnacktime.KidsandadultsalikelistenedwithraptattentionasCherryPoppaandMarthaStewhotreadaboutdiversefamiliesandadoptingpets.
IstayedandlistenedforanentirebookbeforerememberingIwasonamission.
IfoundSloaneWalton,librarianextraordinaire,onthesecondfloorinthestacksarguingaboutsomethingbookishwiththeelderlyyetfashionableHinkelMcCord.
SloanewasunlikeanylibrarianI’dknown.Shewasapetitespitfirewithlavender-tintedplatinum-blondhair.Shedressedlikeacoolteenager,droveasouped-upJeepWrangler,andhostedamonthlyBoozeandBooksHappyHour.FromwhatIhadgathered,shehadsingle-handedlyturnedthefailingKnockemoutPublicLibraryintotheheartofthecommunitythroughgrit,determination,andanumberofgrants.
Therewassomethingaboutherthatremindedmeofthenice,coolgirlsinhighschool.I’doncebeenamemberofthatexclusiveclub.
“AllI’msayingisgiveOctaviaButleratry.Andthencomebackwithapologyflowersandtequilabecauseyou’redeadwrong,”shetoldtheman.
Hinkelshookhishead.“I’llgiveitatry.ButwhenIhateit,youneedtodeliveroneofthemloavesofsundriedtomatobread.”
Sloanestuckherhandout.“Deal.Goodtequila.Not‘Istolethiscrapfrommyparents’liquorcabinetforthehighschoolbonfire’tequila.”
Hinkelnoddedshrewdlyandshookherhand.“Deal.”
“Doyoualwaysbribepatronswithbakedgoods?”Iasked.
Hinkelflashedmepearlywhitesanddoffedhisstrawfedora.“MissLina,ifyoudon’tmindmysaying,youputtheautumnleavestoshamewithyourbeauty.”
Ipluckedapaperbackofftheshelfandfannedmyselfwithit.“Goodsir,youcertainlyknowhowtoturnalady’shead,”Isaid,adoptingasouthernbelleaccent.
Sloanecrossedherarms,feigningirritation.“Excuseme,Mr.McCord.IthoughtIwasyourSundaymorningflirtation.”
Hegesturedathispin-stripedsuitandbowtie.“ThereismorethanenoughofHinkeltogoaround.Nowifyoutwolovelyladiesdon’tmind,I’mgonnagodownstairsandflirtwithaqueenortwo.”
Wewatchedthecentenariansprylyheadforthestairs,caneinonehand,bookintheother.
“Knockemoutsuregrowsthemcharming,”Iobserved.
“Wesuredo,”Sloaneagreed,gesturingformetofollowher.
WeenteredaspaciousconferenceroomwhereSloaneheadedstraightforthedryeraseboardandbeganremovingseveralcrudedrawingsofpenises.
“Teenagers?”Iguessed.
Sheshookherhead,makingherperkyponytaildance.“NorthernVirginiaurologists.Theyhadtheirquarterlymeetinghereyesterday.FiguredI’dcleanuptheevidencebeforestoryhourends.”
“Ididn’tseethatonecoming.”
Sloaneflashedmeasmirk.“JustwaituntiltheNoVaPhosttheirmeetupinJanuary.”
Iranthepossibilitiesinmyhead.“NorthernVirginiaproctologists?”
“Buttseverywhere.”Sloanedroppedtheeraserandstartedorganizingthemarkersbycolor.“Whatbringsyouintomyfineestablishmenttoday?”
Imademyselfusefulandstartedstuffingthescatteringofpenis-centrichandoutsintotherecyclingcan.“Lookingforabookrecommendationortwo.”
Andsomeinformation,Iaddedsilently.
“Cametotherightplace.What’syourpoison?Thriller?Timetravel?Autobiography?Poetry?Policeprocedural?Fantasy?Self-help?Small-townromancehotenoughtomakeyoublush?”
IthoughtofNashintheshowerlastnight.Thethumpofafistagainstwettile.Thestrangledoath.Ifeltalittlelight-headed.“Somethingwithmurders,”Idecided.“Also,isthereanykindofcountydatabaseIcouldusetosearchproperties?”
“Lookingtomakeyourvisitpermanent?”
“No,”Isaidquickly.“IhaveafriendwholivesinDC.They’relookingtomoveoutofthecityandopenabusiness.”
Itwasalamelie.ButSloanewasabusylibrarianandpeoplearoundherewerequirky.Shewasn’tgoingtowastetimepokingholesinmystory.
“Whatkindofbusiness?”
Dammit.
“Customcargarage?Imean,Ithinkit’ssomekindofcustomcargarage.”
Sloanenudgedherglassesuphernose.“I’msureyourfriendknowshowtousetheusualpropertylistingwebsites.”
“He—she,er,theydo.Butwhatifthepropertyisn’tforsale?They’vegotdeeppocketsandhavebeenknowntomakeoffersthatwerehardtorefuse.”
Technicallythatpartwasn’talie.Exactly.
Shepinnedmewithacuriouslook.Iwasusuallymuchbetteratspinninganappropriatetale.ThatwholeNashintheshowerthingmusthavereallythrownme.Notetoself:Avoidmenwhomakeyoustupid.
“Inthatcase,youcouldtryacountyassessmentdatabase.MosthaveGISmapsofproperties,theirrecords,andtheirtaxassessments.Icangiveyouthelinks.”
Twentyminuteslater,IdidmybesttotiptoepastDragQueenStoryHourwithmystackofunsexymurdernovels,onebookonconqueringself-destructivetendencies,andcolorfulstickynoteswiththenamesofthreecountypropertydatabases.
Imadeitoutthedoorandintothehallwhenafamiliarvoicestoppedme.“InvestigatorLinaSolavita.”
Ifroze,thenslowlypivotedonmybootheels.
Aghostfromthepastsmirkedatmeasthedoortothepolicestationclosedbehindhim.He’dgrownamustachesinceI’dlastseenhimandaddedtenorsopounds,butitlookedgoodonhim.
“MarshalNolanGraham.Whatareyoudoing—”Ididn’tneedtofinishthequestion.TherewasonlyonelocalcasethatwouldrequireaU.S.marshal’spresence.
“Caughtacase.”Hepluckedthenoveloffthetopofmystackandpeekedunderthestickynotesatthecover.“Youwon’tlikethisone.”
“Oneweekendfiveorsoyearsagoandyouthinkyouknowmytasteinbooks?”
Heflashedmeagrin.“WhatcanIsay?You’rememorable.”
Nolanwasacockypainintheass.Buthewasgoodathisjob,notamisogynisticidiot,andifmemoryserved,hewasalsoagreatdancer.
“WishIcouldsaythesame.Nicemustache,bytheway,”Iteased.
Hesmoothedhisfingerandthumboverit.“Wannatakeitforaspinlater?”
“Stillanincurableass,Isee.”
“It’scalledconfidence.Andit’sbuiltonyearsofexperiencewithsatisfiedwomen.”
Igrinned.“You’retheworst.”
“Yeah.Iknow.Whatthehellareyoudoinghere?SomebodystealtheMonaLisa?”
“I’mintownvisitingfriends.Catchinguponmyreading.”Iheldupthestackofbooks.
Hiseyesnarrowed.“Bullshit.Youdon’ttakevacations.What’sPritzgerInsuranceafterinthisplace?”
“Idon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout.”
“Comeon.Entertainme.I’mbasicallysittingonsomePodunkchiefofpolicewaitingforadipshittotrytofinishthejob.”
“YouthinkDuncanHugoisgoingtotryagain?Doyouhaveintelonthat?”
“Well,aren’twewellinformed?”
Irolledmyeyes.“It’sasmalltown.We’reallwellinformed.”
“Thenyoudon’tneedmetoconnectthedots.”
“Comeon.HugowastakingarunatsomelisttoimpressDaddy,butheblewit.LastIheard,hewasinthewind.He’sgotnoreasontocomebackandfinishthejob.”
“UnlessChiefAmnesiasuddenlyrememberstheshooting.Allwe’vegotisthewordofabatshit,pain-in-the-ass,eviltwinex-girlfriendlockedupinprison.Andthetestimonyofatwelve-year-old.Noneofthephysicalevidencewouldholdup.Stolencar.Unregisteredgun.Noprints.”
DuncanHugohadteamedupwithNaomi’stwinsister,Tina,tolie,cheat,andstealtheirwaythroughnorthernVirginiabeforehe’dmadetheghastlymistakeofshootingNash.
“Whataboutthedashcamfootage?”Ipressed.
Nolanshrugged.“It’sdark.Guyhadonahoodieandgloves.Youcanbarelymakeoutaprofile.Butahalf-decentattorneycouldargueitwasliterallyanyoneelse.”
“Still.Whysendyouintobabysit?Hugo’ssmall-time,isn’the?”
Nolanraisedaneyebrow.
“Ohhh.ThefedsareafterDaddy.”
AnthonyHugowasacrimelordwhoseterritoryincludedWashington,DC,andBaltimore.Whilehissondabbledinstolenelectronicsandcars,DaddyDearesthadanuglyreputationforracketeering,drugs,andsextrafficking.
“I’mnotatlibertytosay,”hesaid,jinglingthechangeinhispocket.“Now,spillit.Whatprettylittletreasureareyouafter?”
Mysmilewasfeline.“I’mnotatlibertytosay.”
Nolanputhishandonthewallbehindmeandleanedinlikeahighschoolquarterbackwiththeperkyheadcheerleader.“Comeon,Lina.Maybewecouldworktogether?”
ButIwasnoperkycheerleader.Ialsowasn’tateamplayer.“Sorry,Marshal.I’monvacation.Andjustlikework,Idothatalonetoo.”Itwassaferthatway.
Heshookhishead.“Thegoodonesarealwaysstubbornlysingle.”
Icockedmyheadtostudyhim.Inhisgovernment-issueblacksuitandtie,helookedlikethetopBiblesalespersoninthedistrict.“Didn’tyougetmarried?”Iasked.
Hehelduphisbarelefthand.“Didn’ttake.”
Beneaththebravado,Icaughtawhiffofsad.
“Thejob?”Iguessed.
Heshrugged.“WhatcanIsay?Noteveryonecandeal.”
Igotit.Thetravel.Thelongweeksofobsession.Therushofvictorywhenacasecametogether.Noteveryoneontheoutsidecouldhandleit.
Iwrinkledmynoseinsympathy.“Sorryitdidn’tworkout.”
“Yeah.Metoo.Youcouldmakemefeelbetter.Dinner?Drinks?HeardthisplacecalledHonkyTonkafewblocksoverhasdecentscotch.Wecouldgohaveafewforoldtime’ssake.”
IcouldonlyimagineKnox’sreactionifIwanderedintohisbarwithaU.S.marshalintow.Whilehisbrotherwasafanoflawandorder,Knoxhadarebelliousstreakwhenitcametorulebooks.
“Hmm.”Ineededtotakeabeat.Ineededaplan,astrategy.
Theopeningofthestationdoorsavedmefromhavingtoformulateananswer.ThenitwasthescowlonNash’sfacethatleftmetootongue-tiedtospitoneout.
“Youlost,Marshal?”Nashasked.Hisvoicewasdeceptivelymildwithabitmoresouthernhoneylayeredontopthanusual.Hewasdressedinhisuniformofdark-grayKnockemoutPDbutton-downandtacticalpants,bothofwhichlookedlikethey’dbeenwashedandironed.BothofwhichalsolookedfiftymilliontimeshotterthanNolan’ssuit.
Damnyou,thinshowerwalls.Damnyoutohell.
Mythroatwasdryandmybrainwentstupid,puttingNash’slowgroanfromthenightbeforeonrepeatinmyhead.
Ifbroody,woundedNashwassexy,bossy-pantsChiefMorganwasapantymelter.
Hisgazeflickedtome,thenranfromheadtotoe.
Nolankepthishandwhereitwasabovemyhead,butheshiftedsohecouldlookatNash.“Justcatchingupwithanoldfriend,Chief.HaveyouhadthepleasureofmeetingInvestigatorSolavita?”
InowowedNolanakneetotheballs
“Investigator?”Nashrepeated.
“Insuranceinvestigator,”IsaidquicklybeforeshootingaglareatNolan.“ChiefMorganandIknoweachother.”
UsuallyIwasgoodunderpressure.No.Notjustgood.Iwasgreatunderpressure.Iwaspatientandsmartandcunningwhennecessary.ButNashgivingmethathard,authoritarianlooklikehewantedtodragmeintoaninterviewroomandyellatmeforanhourwasdefinitelyscrewingwithmybalance.
“I’mguessingnotaswellasyouandIknoweachother,”Nolansaidtomewithawink.
“Seriously?”Idemanded.“Getoverit.”
“AngelandIareclose,”Nashdrawledwithoutlookingawayfromme.
Angel?IwastheAngelfromNash’sshowerfantasy?Mybrainlaunchedintoagraphicreplayofmynocturnaleavesdropping.Ishookmyselfmentallyanddecidedtodealwiththatinformationlater.
“Weshareawall,”Isaid,notsurewhyIfelttheneedtoexplain.MypastwithNolanwasnoneofNash’sbusiness.MypresentwithNashwasnoneofNolan’s.
“Sharedabathtooyesterday,”Nashsaid.
Myjawdropped,andasoundlikeanaccordiongettingcrushedwheezedoutofme.
Bothmenlookedatme.Ishutmymouthwithahardsnap.
IwasgoingtokneeNolanintheballsandpushNashdownthestairs,Idecided.
“Shealwayswasasuckerforlawenforcement,”Nolansaid,rockingbackonhisheelsandlookinglikehewasenjoyingthis.
Iwasfuming,butbeforeIcouldletthetwotestosterone-addledidiotshaveit,thelibrarydooropened.Nashmovedtoholdit.
“Ma’am,”hesaidtoCherryPoppaassheexited.
“Charmer,”shecooed.
Nolanbowed.
“It’scertainlyyummyouthere,”thedragqueenobservedassheheadedforthedoor.
“Well,thishasbeenfun,”Isnarledattheidiotscloggingthehallwaybeforefollowingthebeautifuldragqueenoutside.
“Youknowwhatnoonetellsyouaboutstandinginthemiddleofapissingcontest?”Cherrysaidtomewithatossofherblondcurls.
“What’sthat?”Iasked.
“You’retheonewhoendsupsmellinglikepee.”SEVEN
WEWEREN’TDRYHUMPING
Lina
IwasstillreasonablyrageybythetimeIgotinmycarandheadedtoKnoxandNaomi’shousefordinner.Sure.Whatwomanhadn’thadthestrayfantasyabouttwomenfightingoverher?Butitwasn’tnearlyassexywhenthefightwasactuallyajurisdictionalpissingmatchandIwasjustapawn.
AlittleactiononthegaspedalhadmybeefyChargerroaringtolifeontheopenstretchofroad.Ilovedbigenginesandfastcars.TherewassomethingabouttheopenroadandtherumbleofaV8thatmademefeelfree.
Ieasedbacktomycustomaryninemilesoverthespeedlimit.Justenoughforalittlefunbuttoomuchhassleforacoptopullmeover.
Angry,kick-assladymusicblastedfromthesoundsystem,andwindwhippedthroughmyhair.
Alltoosoon,Islowedtomaketheturnontothegravellanethatwoundthroughthewoods.Partofmewastemptedtojustkeepgoing.Todrivefastandsinglouduntilallthefrustrationsthathadbeenbuildingflewrightoutthewindow.
ButasmadasIwas,across-countryroadtripprobablywouldn’tbeenoughtoclearmyhead.
SoIdidtheannoying,responsiblethingandmadetheturn.
Eventhroughmypissed-off-ness,Icouldstillappreciatetheshowautumnwasputtingon.Thewoodswerealivewithcolor.Leavesofred,gold,andorangeclungtobranchesandraineddowntocoverthedriveway.Ihadcomplicatedfeelingsaboutfall.Whathadoncerepresentedreunitingwithfriendsandstartingnewadventureshadonlycometomeanmissingoutonboth.
“Man,Iambitchytonight,”IgrumbledtoCarrieUnderwoodasshedugherkeysintothesideofherex’struck.
Idialeddownthevolumeonthestereoandletthewhisperofthecreekthroughthetreesfillthecar.
KnoxandNaomi’shousecameintoviewaroundthenextbend.Itsprawledoutintimberandglasstuckedintothetreeslikeitwaspartoftheforest.IpulledinbehindNaomi’sSUVandgotoutbeforeIcouldtalkmyselfintosittingandstewing.ThesoonerIgotin,thesoonerIcouldgetoutandgohomeandbebitchyalone.
Iheadedforthestonewalkwaythatmeandereditswaythroughlow-growingshrubsandlate-seasonflowerstothewidestepsofthefrontporch.
Therewasakid’sbikeonapatchoflawnandstripedcushionsontherockingchairs.Pottedfernshungfromtheporchrafters.Atrioofhand-carvedjack-o’-lanternswereclusteredjustoutsidethefrontdoor.
IwaswillingtobetmoneythatKnox’spumpkinwastheterrifyingghoulishonevomitingforthitsowninnards.Naomi’swouldbethepreciselycarved,toothysmileone.AndWaylay’swastheimpatient,jagged,lopsidedonewithscaryeyebrows.
Theentireplacescreamed“family.”WhichwasbothsweetandentertainingwhenIthoughtoftheKnoxwhoI’dknownforever.
Frombeyondthescreendoorcameanexcitedhowlimmediatelyfollowedbyacacophonyofbarksandyips.Dogsofallshapesandsizesspilledoutontotheporchanddownthesteps,swarmingmeinafriendlyfrenzy.
Ibenttogreetthem.
Knox’sgrandmother’sdogswereapetite,one-eyedpitbullnamedKittyandarambunctiousbeaglenamedRandy.Naomi’sparents,whonowresidedinthecabinontheproperty,hadbroughtalongtheirdog,Beeper,arescuedHeinz57thatresembledascruffybrickwithfeet.
Knox’sdog,achunkybassethoundnamedWaylon,landedhispudgyfrontpawsonmythighstoriseabovethefrayforhisfairshareofattention.
“Waylon!Knockitoff,”Knoxbarkedfromthefrontporchashepushedopenthescreendoor.Hehadadishtowelthrownoverhisshoulder,apairofgrilltongsinhishand,andsomethingclosetoasmileonhishandsomeface.
“I’msettin’thetablelikeyoutoldmeto!”cametheaggrievedcryofatwelve-year-oldfrominside.
“Waylon,notWaylay,”Knoxyelledback.
“Well,whydidn’tyousayso?”Waylaybellowed.
Igrinned.
“Familylifeagreeswithyou,”Isaid,wadingthroughthedogstothefrontporch.
Heshookhishead.“Ispentanhourgooglingfuckin’sixthgrademathlastnightandaweeklisteningtowomengobackandforthoverflowerarrangements.”Achorusoflaughterrangoutfromthehouse.“It’sneverquiet.There’salwayspeopleeverywhere.”
Hemighthavebeenstandingtherecomplaining,butitwasplainasdaythatKnoxMorganwashappierthanhe’deverbeen.
“Soundslikeyoudeserveoneofthese,”Isaid,holdingupthesix-packI’dbrought.
“Let’sdrinkinthebackyardbeforesomeonefindsusandneedsmetofixthedryerventorwatchanother‘hilariousTikTok,’”hesaid.Hetuckedthetongsintohisbackpocket,grabbedtwoofthebeers,thenpoppedthetopsontheporchrailing.Hehandedonetome.“Lastchancetomakearunforit,”heoffered.
“Oh,I’mnotmissingthedomesticatedKnoxshowforanything,”Itoldhim.
Hesnorted.“Domesticated?”
“Justmessingwithyou.Itsuitsyou.”
Heleanedhisforearmsontheporchrailing.“Whatdoes?”
Ipointedtheneckofmybottletowardthefrontdoor.“Thosetwoladiesinthereneededyou.Yousteppedupandnowthethreeofyouaresoblindinglyhappytherestofuscan’tlookdirectlyatyou.”
“Youthinkthey’rehappy?”Knoxasked.
Anotherburstoflaughtercamefrominsidethehouse.Thedogsracedaroundtheyard,nosestothegroundinsearchofanotheradventure.
“Positive,”Isaid.
Heclearedhisthroat.“SomethingIwannaaskyou,andIdon’twantyoumakin’abigfuckin’dealoutofit.”
“I’mintrigued.”
“Iwantyoutobeagroomsmanorwhatever.”
Iblinked.“Me?”ExceptformyauntShirley’sweddingtomyauntJaney—I’drockedmyroleasaneight-year-oldrainbowglitterfairy—I’dneverbeenpartofabridalparty.I’dneverbeencloseenoughtoanyonetobeasked.
“Naomi’saskin’Sloane,Stef,Fi,andWay.I’vegotNash,Luce,andJer.AtleastIwillonceItellthem.Andyou.”
Nash.Justthementionofhisbrother’snamehadmespiralingfurtherintobitchiness.Butthebitchinesswastemperedbyabrightglowinmychest.“Doyouwantmetowearatux?”
“Idon’tcareifyouwearbeer-stainedsweats.ThoughI’msureDaisy’llhavesomeopinions.Justbethere.”Hetookapullofhisbeer.“Anddon’tletmefuckitallup.”
Igrinned.“I’dbehonoredtobeyourgroomsman…person?”
“Naomi’scallingyouagroomsgal,butI’mnotsayingthatshitinpublic.Stef’sabridesmanandIamsayin’that.”
Webothsmirkedintotheduskasitsettledovertheyard.
“Thanksforasking,”Isaidfinally.“Eventhoughyoudidn’task.”
“Ifyoutellpeoplewhatyouwantinsteadofaskin’themforit,you’remorelikelytogetwhatyouwant,”hesaid.
“Knoxthedomesticatedphilosopher.”
“ShutuporI’llmakeyouweartangerinetaffeta.”
“I’mamazedyouknoweitheroneofthosewords.”
“Wedding’sinthreeweeks.I’mlearningallthewords.”
“Threeweeks?”
Hisgrinwaslazy.“FeellikeI’vebeenwaitingforDazeandWaymyentirelife.I’dgotothecourthousetonightifIcouldtalkthemintoit.”
“Well,ifI’mnotstillintownbythen,I’llcomebackforit,”Ipromised.
Henodded.“Fairwarning.There’sgonnabeashittonofhugging.”
Igrimaced.“I’mout.”
Physicalaffectionrankedsomewherebetweenbeingonholdwiththecablecompanyandgettingarootcanal.Therehadbeenatimeinmylifewhenmybodyhadbelongedmoretomedicalstaffthantomyself.Sincethen,IpreferredtoavoidallsurprisetouchingunlessIwastheoneinstigatingit.WhichonlymademyreactiontoHeWhoShallNotBeNamedallthemoreconfusing.
“Alreadygotasolution,”hesaid.“I’mputtin’notahuggerafteryournameintheprogram.”
Iwasstilllaughingwhenheadlightscutthroughthetreesthatlinedthelane.Nash’spickuptruck,ablueNissan,pulledintothedrivenexttomycar
Tempersparkedovermyskinalongwiththeconcernthathe’dpushthelineofquestioningonthewholeinvestigatorsituation.Ididn’tneedhimspreadingthataround.
“Ididn’tknowhewascoming,”Isaid.
Knoxgavemetheside-eye.“Gotaproblemwithmybrother?”
“Yeah,actually,Ido.Youhaveaproblemwithmehavingaproblem?”
Hislipsquirked.“Nope.’Bouttimesomeoneelsegetspissedathimbesidesme.Justdon’tletitfuckwiththeweddingorthat’llupsetNaomi.AndnooneupsetsNaomibesidesme.”
Thedogsenthusiasticallyswarmedthevehicle.
MyheatedgazemetNash’schillyonethroughthewindshield.Hedidn’tlooktoohappyabouttheideaofgettingoutofthecar.Good.
“IthinkI’llgoinside.Seeifthere’sanythingIcanhelpwith,”Idecided.
Knoxtradedmethetongsforathirdbeer.“CheckthechickenonthegrillifLouhasn’talreadystartedhovering,”hesaid,thenheadedinthedirectionofhisbrother.
Checkonthechicken?Myknowledgeofcookingpoultrywaslimitedtowhatshoweduponmyplateinrestaurants.Iletmyselfinandfollowedthenoise.
Thehousewasabeauty,ruggedandrustic,butwithhomeytouchesthatmadeapersonwanttositdown,puttheirfeetup,andenjoythechaos.
Familyphotosthatwentbackahandfulofgenerationsdecoratedthewallsandcolorfulthrowrugssoftenedthescarredhardwoodfloors.
Ifoundthemajorityofthenoiseandpeopleinthekitchen.KnoxandNash’sgrandmother,LizaJ—thehome’spreviousoccupantbeforemovingintothecottagedownthelane—wassupervisingNaomi’smother,Amanda,assheconstructedacharcuterieboard.
Lou,Naomi’sfather,was—thankfully—alreadyonthedeckpeeringunderthehoodofthegrillandproddingatthechickenwithhisownsetoftongs.
Naomiandherbestfriend,thegorgeousandfashionableStefanLiao,werearguingwhileheopenedwineandshestirredsomethingthatsmelledprettygreatonthestove.
“Tellhim,Lina,”NaomisaidasifI’dbeentheretheentiretime.
“Tellwhowhat?”Iasked,findingaspotinthefridgefortheremainderofthesix-packandthetwo-literofWaylay’stooth-rottingsoda.
“TellStefthatheshouldaskoutJeremiah,”shesaid.
JeremiahwasKnox’spartnerinWhiskeyClipper,thetownbarbershop/salonbeneathmyapartment.Aswithallthesinglemeninthistown,hewasalsoreally,reallygood-looking.
“Witty’sdoingthatsmug,almost-marriedladythingwhereshetriestopairoffallherfriendssotheycanbesmug,almost-marriedjackassestoo,”Stefcomplained.Hewaswearingcashmereandcorduroyandlookedlikehe’dsteppedoffthepagesofamen’sfashionmagazine.
“Doyouwanttobeasmug,almost-marriedjackass?”Iaskedhim.
“Idon’tevenofficiallyliveinthistown,”hesaid,wavinghisarmsexpressivelywithoutspillingadropoftheShiraz.“HowshouldIknowifIwanttobeajackass?”
“Great.That’sthreemorebucksfortheswearjar,”Waylaylamentedloudlyfromthediningroom.
“Putitonmytab,”Stefyelledback.
Theswearjarwasagallon-sizedpicklejarthatlivedonthekitchencounter.ItwasalwaysoverflowingwithdollarbillsthankstoKnox’scolorfulvocabulary.Themoneywenttowardbuyingfreshproduce.TheonlywayNaomicouldgetWaylayonboardwithcurbingthefour-letterwordswastokeepthefamilyuptotheireyeballsinsalads.
“Please,”Naomiscoffed.“YouspendmoretimeinKnockemoutthanyoudoatyourplaceinNewYorkorwithyourparents.Iknowyou’renotherejustbecauseyoulovethecaninechaos.”
Oncue,allfourdogsracedintothekitchenandthenchargedthroughthediningroomdoorwayjustasWaylayappearedinit.Shejumpedoutoftheirway,whichsucceededinexcitingthemfurther.
“Out!”Amandabellowed,openingthedeckdoorandshooingthebluroffuroutside.
Waylayslunkintothekitchenandsneakedapieceofpepperonioffthecharcuterieboard.“Table’sset,”shesaid.
Naominarrowedhereyes,pluckedapieceofbroccoliofftheveggietray,andstuffeditintoherniece’smouth.
Waylayputupavaliantfight,butherdeterminedauntwonwithasuffocatinghug.
“Whyareyousoobsessedwithgreenstuff,AuntNaomi?”Waylaygroaned.
“I’mobsessedwithyourhealthandwellness,”Naomisaid,rufflingherhair.
Waylayrolledhereyes.“You’resoweird.”
“I’mweirdwithloveforyou.”
“Let’sgetbacktoroastingUncleStefforbeingtoochickentoaskoutJeremiah,”Waylaysuggested.
“Goodidea,”Naomiagreed.
“Boylikethat’snotgonnastaysingleforlong,”LizaJwarnedStefassheslippedasliceofsalamitoWaylay
“He’sveryhandsome,”Amandaagreed.
Everyoneturnedtolookatmeexpectantly.“Heisgorgeous,”Iagreed.“Butonlyifyou’reintorelationshipsandmonogamy.”
“WhichI’mnot,”Stefinsisted.
“NeitherwasKnox,”Ipointedout.“Butlookathimnow.He’ssickeninglyhappy.”
NaomiloopedherarmovermyshoulderandIbarelymanagedtohidetheflinchattheunexpectedtouch.Theengagementringonherfingerglitteredinthelight.“See,Stef?Youtoocouldbesickeninglyhappy.”
“IthinkI’dratherjustbesick.”
IslidoutofNaomi’saffectionateembraceandheadedforthemeattray.
WaylaystuffedapilferedsalamiintohermouthwhenNaomiwasn’tlooking.Icouldalmosthearmymother’svoiceinmyhead.
“You’restillavoidingprocessedmeatsaren’tyou,Lina?”
“Doyoureallythinkit’sagoodideatodrinkalcoholwithyourcondition?”
Itookadefiantsipofmybeer,sidleduptoWaylay,andchoseapieceofringbologna.
“What?I’mhotandgay,somedatingthehot,bisexualbarberisaforegoneconclusion?Gaysandbishavetohavemoreincommonthanjustbeinggayandbi,”Stefsniffed.
“Ithoughtyousaidhewasthemostattractivemanontheplanetwithavoicelikemeltedicecreamthatmadeyouwanttotearyourclothesoffandlistentohimrecitehisgrocerylist?”Naomimused
“Anddidn’tyoualsosaythewholesmallbusinessentrepreneurialthinghehasgoingonwasintriguingbecauseyou’retiredofdatingfitnessmodels?”Amandaadded.
“Andaren’tyoubothhugefansofluxuryfashionbrands,LukeBryan,andenvironmentallyfriendlyenergysolutions?”Iprodded.
“Ihateyouall.”
“Don’tdatehimbecausehe’sbisexual,Stef.Datehimbecausehe’sperfectforyou,”Naomisaid.
KnoxandNashentered,bothlookingvaguelypissedoff.Tobefair,thatwashowtheyusuallylookedafteraconversationwitheachother.Nashlookedtiredtoo.Andhotinhisjeansandflannel—yum.
Damnit.I’dforgottenthatIwasn’tfindinghimattractiveanymore.
Ifocusedonthefactthathe’ddonehisbesttohumiliatemewithNolanandembracedmyinnerfemalerage.
HehadabeerinonehandandwasholdingtheshiveringPiperintheother.Shewaswearingaridiculouspumpkinprintsweater.Theybothlookedasifthiswasthelastplaceonearththeywantedtobe.
“Evenin’,”hesaidtotheroom,butthoseblueeyeslandedonme.
Iglaredathim.Heglaredback.
AnewwaveofpandemoniumbrokeoutasthewomenrushedNashtogetabetterlookatPiper.KnoxwadedthroughitandkissedNaomionthecheekbeforemakingabeelineforthemeattray.
“Hi,prettygirl,”Naomisaid,gentlygreetingthedog.“Ilikeyoursweater.”
“Whoisthissweetlittlething?”Amandacrooned,gentlystrokingPiper’shead.
Thedogsoutside,sensingapotentialnewfriend,pressedtheirnosesagainstthedeckdoorandwhimperedpitifully.
“ThisisPiper.Foundherinastormdrainoutsidetownyesterday.Whowantstofosterher?”Nashsaid,stilllookingpissilyinmydirection.
Ipointedlyignoredhim.
“That’snotwhatitlookedlikeyouweredoing,”StefsaidinanIknowsomethingyoudon’ttone.
NashandIbothswungourglaresinhisdirection.
Stefgrinneddevilishly.“Sorry,kids.Gottathrowsomeoneelseunderthebusorthey’llnevermoveon.”
“Whatdidtheylookliketheyweredoin’?”LizaJdemanded.
“Giventhecompromisingposition—”
“Whydon’twesavethisstoryforlater?”Naomisaidloudly,lookinginWaylay’sdirection.
“Youweredoin’what?”Knoxdemanded,tuningin.
“I’mworriedthatyourlackofyou-know-whatismakingyouhallucinate,Stef.MaybeyoushouldaskJeremiahout,”Isuggested.
“Touché,Legs.Touché,”hesaid.
Nashignoredusandputthetremblingdogdownonthefloor.Shetriedtohidebehindhislegs,thenspottedmewhenshepeekedaroundhisboots.
Iwavedtoherandshetookatentativestepinmydirection.Icroucheddownandpattedthefloorinfrontofme.
PiperinchedherwayoutfrombehindNash’sbootsandthenmadeamaddashtome.
Ipickedherupandsubmittedtothetonguebathing.“Yousmellsomuchbetterthanyoudid,”Itoldher.
“Aww!Shelikesyou,”Naomiobserved.
“Let’sgetbacktothiscompromisingposition,”Amandasuggested.
SteftoppedofftheemptywineglassLizaJwavedathim.“SoIwasheadingbacktotownearlyyesterdaymorning,andwhatdidIseeonthesideoftheroad?”
KnoxearmuffedWaylaywithhishands
“Abear?”LizaJguessed.
“Evenbetter.IsawKnockemout’schiefofpoliceonhiskneesinthegrassinshallwesay‘thrustingposition’behindthecurvya-s-sofMissSolavita.”
Nashlookedlikehewasgivingseriousthoughttorunningforthefrontdoor.
“Whatthef—erret?”Knoxsnapped.
Isighed.“Seriously,Stef?Yousaythrustingbutyouspellass?”
“Thrustingisn’taswearword,”Waylaysaidknowledgeably.
“Hey!Earmuffherharder,”NaomiinstructedKnox.
Hecompliedbyspinningthegirlaroundandwrappingherinahead-levelbearhug.
“Ican’tbreathe!”HercrywasmuffledbyKnox’schest.
“Youcanifyou’restillcomplaining,”Knoxinsisted.
“Yourdumbmusclesarebreakingmynose!”Waylaywhined.
Knoxreleasedherandruffledherhair.
“Waylay,whydon’tyougoseehowGrandpaisdoingwiththechicken?”Naomisuggested.
“You’rejustsendingmeawaysoyoucantalkaboutgrossgrown-upstuff.”
“Yep,”Stefsaid.“Nowgetoutofheresowecangettothegrossstuff.”
KnoxputhishandonthetopofWaylay’sheadandsteeredhertowardthebackdoor.“Comeon,kid.Neitheroneofusneedstohearthis.”Togethertheytroopedoutontothedeckandclosedthedoor.
“Backtothethrusting,”Amandainsisted.Shehoppedontoabarstoolanddidalittleshimmy.
“Ipulledover,beingaGoodSamaritanandall,”Stefcontinued.
“Isthatwhattheycallitthesedays?”Nashsaiddryly.
“Iofferedmyassistance,buttherosy-cheekedLinaassuredmetheydidn’tneedanyhelpwiththeirdryhumping.”
“Weweren’tdryhumping!”Iinsisted.
“Betyoucouldbearrestedforthat,”LizaJmusedwithmorethanjustahintofpride.
IthrewacarrotfromtheveggietrayatStefanditbouncedoffhisforehead.“Ow!”
“Wewerefullyclothedandpullingadog—thisdog—outofthestormdrain,idiot.”IheldPiperuptothecrowdLionKing–style.
“Speakingof,who’sgonnafosterheruntiltherescuefindsherahome?”Nashasked.
“Ineverthoughtadogrescuestorywoulddisappointme,”Amandaannouncedafterabeatofsilence.
“Let’sgetbacktoStefbeingachickenshit,”Isuggested.
Apieceofcauliflowerbouncedoffmycheekandlandedonthefloor.
Louopenedthedoor,andthefloodofdogsrushedin.LizaJ’spitbull,Kitty,ploppedherbuttatmyfeetandstaredupatthepumpkin-sweatereddoginmyarms.Waylongobbledupthefloorcauliflower,whileBeepertap-dancedatLou’sfeet.
“Chicken’sready,”heannounced.“WhatdidImiss?”
“Nothing,”NashandIsaidtogether.EIGHT
GREENBEANSANDLIES
Nash
DinnerwasaschaoticasaMorganfamilygatheringusuallygot.ButwhatI’doncefoundenjoyablewasnowplainexhausting.
Conversationsflewbackandforthacrossthelargetableoverthecountrymusicplayinginthebackground.Itwenttooquicklyformetokeepupwithletaloneparticipatein,evenifIhadtheenergy,whichIdidn’t.I’dspentalldayatthestationandbeingshadowedbyaU.S.marshalwhoseemedtotakegreatjoyinpissingmethefuckoff.
Iwasbonetired.ButI’dcomehereforonereason,andthatwastogetanswersfromLina“InsuranceIsSoBoring”Solavita.She’dliedtomeandmyfamily,andIwasgoingtofindoutwhy
I’dbroughtPiperalongforcompany.ThedoglookedaswearyasIfelt.ShewaspassedoutinatinyballagainstKittyonadogbedinthecorner.Therestofthecaninecrewhadbeentoorambunctioustojointhepartyandwerebanishedoutside.
Foodwaspassedanddrinksweretoppedoff,sometimeswithoutevenbeingasked.Istucktomyoneandonlybeerandforcedmyselftoeatjustenoughnottodrawanyone’sattention.WeMorganswereplainbadattalkingaboutfeelings,whichmeantI’dgetafreepassfrommybrotherandgrandmother.ButNaomiandherparentswerethekindtospotaproblemandtalkittodeathwhiledoingtheirdamnedesttosolveit.
WhenI’dbeendischargedfromthehospital,ithadbeentoacleanapartment,freshlaundry,andarefrigeratorstockedwithmeals.TheWittshadmadeitclearthatthey’dadoptednotjustKnoxandWaylaybutmeaswell.
AfteralifetimewiththecomfortofMorganfamilydysfunction,itwasmorethanalittledisconcerting.
HalfthetableeruptedinlaughteratsomethingI’dmissed.Thesuddennessofitstartledme.Pipertooapparently.Sheletoutaworriedyip.Unfazed,KittyputherbigheadonPiper’sbodyandwithinsecondsbothwerefastasleepagain.
Thiswasmorelifethanthisoldhousehadseensincemyownchildhood,morethanIcouldhandle.I’dbeenpreparedtodowhatI’dlearnedtodo,whiteknucklemywaythrough.ButLina’spresenceonmyleftgavemeatangleoffeelingsthatknottedthemselvesupinthemiddleoftheemptinessthatnowlivedfull-timeinmychest.ThatburnofattractionthatIdidn’tunderstandwasstillthere,alongwithasliverofguiltforusinghertogetafewjabsinatthatassholeNolan.Butmorethananything,Iwaspissed.
She’ddeliberatelymisledeveryonewhenitcametoherwork.Andthatwasasgoodasalietome.Ididn’ttolerateliesandliars.
Ourexchangethismorningleftmewithquestions.
I’ddonealittlediggingbetweensloggingthroughpaperworkandhelpingAnimalControlcaptureoneofBaconStables’pain-in-the-assrunawayhorsesafteritshititswaydownSecondStreet.
Butthedinnertablewasn’ttheplacetostarttheinterrogation.SoIbidedmytimeandtriedtolimitthenumberoftimesIglancedinherdirection.
Shewaswearingtightjeansandagraycardiganthatlookedsoftasacloud.Itmademewanttoreachoutandtouchit,torubmyfaceagainstthefabric.To—
Okay,creeper.Getaholdofyourself.You’redepressedandpissedoff.Notasweater-sniffingstalker.
Ishookmyselfoutofthefogandmadeaweakattempttojointheconversation.
“Lou,how’sthegolfgame?”Iasked.
Onmyright,Amandakickedmeunderthetable.Naomichokedonherdinnercoffee.
Loupointedhisforkatmefromthefootofthetable.“Lemmetellyou.There’snowayHoleNineisaparthree.”
“Andnowweallhavetosuffer,”Amandawhisperedasherhusbandbrokeintoadiscourseonhistrialsandtribulationsonthegreen.
ImadeanefforttodragmyattentionawayfromLinawhileLougaveusallhistoptenreasonswhyHoleNinewasmislabeled.
Piperwassnoringthatstrangelyloudnosewhistlethathadstartledmeawaketwicethenightbefore.Thetipofhertailflickedoutabeatortwoasifherdreamswerehappyones.Atleastitbeatwakingtotheothernoise,theonethatlivedonlyinmyhead.
Naomi’seyessparkledasKnoxslidhishandtothebackofherneckandwhisperedsomethinginherear.Waylaywaiteduntilshewassureherguardianswereoccupiedbeforeslippingtwogreenbeansintohernapkin.Shecaughtmelookingandfeignedinnocence.
Nighthadfallenontheothersideoftheglass,makingthewoodsandcreekvanish.Inside,thelightswerelowandtheflickerofcandlesmadeitevencozier.
“Passthechicken,Nash,”LizaJcalledfromtheheadofthetable.Ipickeduptheplatterandshiftedtomyleft.Lina’sfingersgottangledupwithmine,andwenearlydroppedthedish.
Oureyesmet.Therewasasparkoftemperinthosecoolbrowneyes,mostlikelycarriedoverfromourrun-inthatmorning.Butintheoveralltally,Ihadmorereasonstobepissedthanshedid.
She’daddedmakeupandstyledherhairdifferently.Edgypixiewaswhatitmademethinkof.Herearringsweretinybellsthatdangledflirtatiouslyfromherlobes.Theyjingledeverytimeshelaughed.Butshewasn’tlaughingnow
“Anydaynowwouldbenice,”LizaJsaidpointedly.
Imanagedtohandofftheplatewithoutsendingthechickentothefloor.MyfingersfeltwarmfromhertouchandIballedmyhandintoafistinmylaptoholdontotheheat.
“Yourfacelookslikeshit,”Knoxannouncedtome.
“Knox!”Naomisaid,exasperated.
“What?Ifyou’regonnagrowabeard,growadamnbeardorhavethedecencytomakeanappointmentandsitinmyfuckin’chair.Eitherway,commit.Don’tgowalkingaroundtownwithahalf-assedstubblefarmalloveryourface.It’sbadadvertisingforWhiskeyClipper,”mybrothercomplained.
Waylayputherheadinherhandsandmutteredsomethingaboutajarandvegetables.
Irubbedmyhandovermyjaw.I’dforgottentoshaveagain.
“Havesomemoregreenbeans,Nash,”Amandainsistedonmyright,dumpingascoopontopoftheoneIhadn’ttouchedyet.
Waylaycaughtmyeyefromacrossthetable.“Thisfamilyisobsessedwithgreenthings.”
Mymouthquirked.Thekidwasstillgettingusedtothewhole“family”thingafterashortlifetimewithabadinfluence.
“Waylay,isn’ttheresomethingyouwanttoaskKnoxandNash?”Naomiprompted.
Waylaylookeddownatherplateforasecondbeforeshrugginginpreteenannoyance.“It’sjustsomethingdumb.Youguysdon’thavetodoit.”Shemadeashowofspearingagreenbeanwithherforkandscrunchingupherfacewhenshetookthetiniestbitepossible.
“Youmightbesurprised.Welikedumbstuff,”Itoldher.
“Well,there’sthisGirlDadchallengeonTikTokwheredadslettheirdaughtersputmakeuponthem.Andpainttheirnails.Andsomeofthemdotheirhairtoo,”shebegan.
KnoxandIsharedafrozenlookofterror.
We’ddoit.
We’dhateeverysinglesecondofit.Butwe’ddoitifWaylaywantedusto.
Knoxswallowed.“Okay.And?”Hesoundedlikehewasbeingstrangled.
Naomisighed.“WaylayWitt!”
Thegirl’sgrinwasdiabolical.“What?Iwasjustprimingthemwithsomethingworsesothey’dsayyestowhatIreallywantedthemtodo.”
Irelaxedasthethreatoflipstickandfakeeyelashesdissipated.
Knoxrockedbackinhischair,rollinghiseyestotheceiling.“WhatthefuckamIgonnadowithheratsixteen?”
“Ohman!”Waylaygroaned.
“Jar!”Stefsaid.
“Ifyouwouldstopf-bombingeverysentence,maybewecouldbeeatin’potatochipsandpepperonibitesinsteadofdanggreenbeans,”Waylaygroused.
Lina’searringsjingledasshetriedtoholdinherlaughter.
“Whatdoyoureallywantustodo?”Iasked.
“Okay.SomyschoolisdoingthisdumbCareerDaythingandIguessIthoughtmaybeitwouldn’tbethemosthorriblethingifyouandKnoxcameandtoldmyclassaboutyourjobsandstuff.Youcansayno,”sheaddedquickly.
“YouwantmeandyouruncleNashtotalktoyourclass?”Knoxaskedher.
Irubbedmyforeheadandtriedtochaseawayallthe“hellnos”thatwereechoinginmyhead.Communityrelationswasabigpartofmyjob,butI’davoidedallpubliceventssince…before.
“Yeah.Butonlyifyou’regonnadoagoodjob,becauseEllisonFrako’smomisadistrictcourtjudgeandshe’sgoingtodolikeamocktrialthing.Sodon’t,like,showupandtalkaboutpaperworkandbankstatements.”
Ismirked.Paperworkandbankstatementswereninetypercentofmybrother’sjob.
Waylaylookedatme.“IthoughtmaybeyoucoulddosomethingcoollikeshootoneoftheannoyingboyswithaTaser.”
Linachokedoutalaughandsomeofherbeernexttome.Wordlessly,Ihandedheranapkin.
Naomishotapleadinglookmyway.
LikeIdidn’tknowhowmuchitcostWaylaytoaskforwhatshewanted.
“Imightnotdeployanyweaponsintheclassroom,butIcouldprobablycomeupwithsomething,”Isaid.Acoldbeadofsweatsnakeditswaydownmyback.ButthehappilystunnedexpressiononWaylay’sfacemadeitworthwhile.
“Really?”
“Yeah.Really.Fairwarningthough,myjob’swaycoolerthanKnox’s.”
Knoxsnorted.“Oh,it’son.”
“Whatareyougonnado?Reenactalotterywin?”Ijoked.
Hethrewachunkofred-skinnedpotatoacrossthetableatme.
Ivolleyedbackwithascoopofgreenbeans.
“Boys,”Amandawarned.
WaylaygavemeoneofthosesmallsmilesthatIprized.Itwasonethingtomakeahappykidsmile,buttopryoneoutofthegirlwhohadalotofreasonsnottowaslikewinningagoldmedal
“Soseriously.WhowantstotakePiperhomewiththem?”Iaskedagain.
“Oh,now,Nash.Youknowthatwouldn’tbefairtothatsweetlittlegirl.She’salreadyobviouslybondedwithyou,”Amandapointedout.
Afterpieandcoffee,thepartybrokeuptoaPatsyClinesong,oneofmymom’sfavorites.
KnoxstartedonthedisheswhileNaomiwentupstairstosuperviseWaylay’shomework.LouandAmandavolunteeredtowalkLizaJhome.PiperwhinedpitifullyatthefrontdoorasKittydisappearedintothenight.
Iwantedtodisappeartoo,butgoodmannerswouldn’tletmeleavewithoutatleastlendingahand.IheadedbackintothediningroomandfoundLinacollectingemptydessertplates.
“Gimmethose,”Isaid.“Yourounduptheutensils.”
Shesetthedishesdownonthetableratherthanhandingthemtome.
“SoyouandMarshalGrahamseemedfriendlythismorning.”
Itwasthewrongthingtosay.
Theforksandknivesshe’dcollectedclatteredasshedroppedthemonanemptyplatter.“Seriously?”Hereyesflashedasshecrossedherarms.“What’syourproblemwithNolan?”
MyproblemwasthathewasNolantoher,notU.S.MarshalGraham.
“MyproblemisyourpalNolanisshadowingmyass.Hefollowedmehere.Hell,he’sprobablyparkedoutthereinthedrivewayrightnow.”
Shedrummeddarkrednailsagainstthesleevesofhersweater.Hardandsharpoversoft.“He’snotmypal.Andyoucouldhaveatleastinvitedhimin.”
ThefuckIcouldhave.
Therewasacrashinthekitchenfollowedbyhalfaminuteofswearing.“Whyinthefuckarewetdishessogoddamnslippery?Wherethefuckdowekeepthebroom?”Knoxsnarled.
“Jartimesthree,”Naomiyelledfromupstairs.
“Sit,”Isaid.
Lina’seyesnarrowed.“Excuseme?”
Ipulledoutachair,pointedtoit.“Isaidsit.”
Waylongallopedintotheroom,ploppedhisassontherugatmyfeet,andlookedaroundforatreat.Piperjoinedhim,lookinghopeful.
“Nowyou’vedoneit,”Linasaid.
Mutteringundermybreath,IdugouttwoofthetreatsIhadinmypocketandgaveonetoeachdog.ThenIpulledoutanotherchairandsat.
“Pleases-i-t,”Isaid,gesturingtotheemptychair.
Shetookhersweettimedoingit,butshesat.“Thisisn’taninterrogationroom,hotshot.AndI’mnotasuspect.AnyrelationshippastorpresentbetweenmeandNolanisnoneofyourbusiness.”
“Here’swhereyou’rewrong,Angelina.See,Idon’tbelieveincoincidences,especiallynotwhenthere’sawholemessof’em.You’venevervisitedmybrotherinhishometownbefore.Allofthesudden,youjustupanddecidetosurprisehimwithanopen-endedvisit.Unlikely,butokay.YoualsoshowupafterIgetmyselfshotandrightbeforeNaomiandWaylaygettaken.Again,couldbejustacoincidence.”
“Butyoudon’tthinkso,”shesaid,foldingherarms.
“Thenyoujusthappentohaveahistorywiththemarshalinchargeofbeingapaininmyass.”
Linainterlacedherfingersonthetableandleanedforward.“NolanandIhadasweaty,nakedforty-eight-hourflinginamotelinMemphisfiveorsixyearsago.”
“Thatwasrightaboutthetimeyourecovered$150KinstolenjewelryforyourbossesatPritzger,wasn’tit?AndthosefellasyourecovereditfromjusthappenedtobethesubjectofanFBIinvestigation,didn’tthey?”
Shestudiedmeforalongbeat.“Wheredidyougetthatinformation?”
“Thebustwasbignews.Madesomeheadlines.”
“Mynamewasn’tmentionedinanyofthem,”shesaidcoolly.
“Ah.ButitwasmentionedinthelocalPD’sincidentreport.”
Okay,soI’ddonemorethanalittlequietdiggingtoday.
Sheblewoutabreaththroughherteeth.“Whatdoyouwant?”
“Whyareyouhere?Anddon’tgivemesomebullshitaboutmissingyouroldpalKnox,”Iwarnedwhensheopenedhermouth.“Iwantthetruth.”
Irequiredthetruth.
“I’llsaythisslowlysoyou’llbesuretocatchitallthefirsttimearound.I’mnoneofyourbusiness.Mybusiness,includingwhoIamorwas‘friendly’with,whatIdoforapaycheck,andwhyI’mintownarealsononeofyourdamnbusiness.”
Ileanedincloseruntilourkneesbrushedunderthetable.“Allduerespect,Angelina?I’mtheonewithholesinme.Andifyou’rehereforanyreasonrelatingtothat,thenit’sveryfuckingclearlymybusiness.”
HerphonerangandthecallerIDonthescreenread“Dad.”
ShestabbedtheIgnorebuttonandpushedthephoneaway,tensioninhermovements.
“Talk.Now,”Isaid.
Shebaredherteeth,hereyesgoingdarkanddangerous.Forasecond,Ithoughtshewasgoingtolayintome,andIrelishedthethoughtofherangerrisinguptoslamintomine,wakingitupandfanningitintoaninferno.
Buttheinfernowasinterruptedbyashrillbeep.
Linaslappedherhandoverthewatchonherwrist,butnotbeforeIsawthenumberonthescreennexttotheredheart.
“Isthataheartratealert?”Iasked.
Shecameoutofherchairabruptlyenoughtostartlethedogs.Igottomyfeet.
“That,likeeverythingelseinvolvingme,isnoneofyourdamnbusiness,Chief,”shesaid,thenstartedforthedoorway.
Shealmostmadeit,butwe’dbothunderestimatedmylevelofmad.Icaughther,myhandclampingaroundherwristanddrawingherback.
Shespun.Istepped.AndthatwashowIfoundmyselfstandingflushagainstherwithherbacktothewall.
Wewerebothbreathingheavily,ourchestsmovingagainsteachotherwitheveryinhale.Shewasatall,long-leggedwoman,butIstillhadenoughinchesonherthatshehadtotiltherheadtolookupatme.Icouldseethepulseatthebaseofherthroat.
Yes.Itwasawhisperinmyblood.ThecloserIgottoher,thelouderitgrew.
Withcontrol,Iranmyhanddownheroppositearmtoherwristandliftedit.Shewatchedmewithoutpullingaway.Ibrokeeyecontacttoglanceatherwatch.“That’saprettyhighheartrateforsittingaroundtalking,”Iobserved.
Shetriedtopullfree,butIheldon.
“Iwasn’tsittingaroundtalking.Iwassittingaroundtryingnottobreakacop’snose.”
Istillhadherhandinmine.Herotheronewasfistedinmyshirt.Butshewasn’tpushingmeaway.ShewasholdingmewhereIstood.
“Let’sbothcalmdown,”Isaidmildly.
“Calmdown?Youwantmetocalmdown?Gee.Whydidn’tIthinkofthat?”
I’dscaledthevolcanoandnowIwaslookingdownintopure,moltenlava.AllIwantedtodowasjumpintothatgloriousheat.
“Tellmewhatwe’redealingwithhere,”Iinsisted.“Doyouneedadoctor?”
“OhmyGod,Nash.Ifyoudon’tletmegorightnow,nojuryonearthwillholdmeaccountableforthedamageIdotoyourtesticleswithmyknee.”
Thatthreatcombinedwiththewayshewasmovingagainstmehadmegoingfromhalfwayhardtoflag-flying,pitch-a-tent,that’s-the-ball-game-folksfullyaroused.
Fuck.
Thenwewerebothmoving.
Ihadherfullypinnedagainstthewall,onehandatherwaistjustunderherbreast,theotherflatonthewallnexttoherhead.Meanwhile,herhandswerewhiteknuckledinmyshirt,holdingmetoher.
Icouldfollowherbreathasshesuckeditin,expandingherchest,beforetheexhalewarmedmyfaceandneck.Ibreathedherinandshiftedagainsther.
Ineededtobackoff.NotonlywasitashittyideatogetinvolvedwithawomanIknewwaslyingtome,therewasthefactthatmyheadwasmessingwithmydick.
“Youwantmetobackoff?”Isaid,runningmynosealongherjawline.
“Yes,”shehissed.Butherhandspulledmetightertoher.
“Youwantmetostoptouchingyou,Angel?”IprayedtoeveryreligiousdeityIcouldthinkof,thenthrewinafewcelebritiesandmusiciansforgoodmeasure.SweetDollyParton,pleasedon’tlethersayyes.
Herlashesflickered.Surpriseandsomethingelsesparkedtolifeinthosebeautifulbrowneyes.
“No.”Itwasawhisper.Asmokypleathatstartedmybloodsimmering.
OurgazesmetandheldasIskimmedmyhandaninchhigheruntilmyfingersbrushedtheundersideofherbreast.Mydickthrobbedpainfullybehindmyfly.Littlelicksofflameswarmedmymuscles.
Linaletoutasexylittlewhimper,andIsweartoDolly,Ialmostcamethenandthere.Icommittedthesoundtomemory,knowingI’dpullitoutoverandoveragain.Knowingevenifmydickneverworkedagain,I’dstillwrapmyfistarounditrememberingthatsoundcomingoutofthosepartedlips.
Shebuckedherhipsagainstmeandnearlybrokeme.Maybeitwouldhave.MaybeIwouldhavedraggedhertothefloorandusedmyteethandtongueandfingersonheruntilshewasnakedandbeggingforme.
Butmaybesweren’tinthecards.
“Whatinthefuckingfuckareyoudoing?”Knoxsnarled.Hewasholdingabroominonehandandabeerintheotherandlookedasthoughhewantedtobreakbothovermyhead.
“We’rehavin’aprivatediscussion,”Isnapped.
“Thehellyouare,”mybrothergrowled.
“Actually,Iwasjustleaving,”Linasaid,hercheeksflushedatantalizingpink.“Ifyouwanttohaveanotherprivateinterrogation,Chief,I’llmakesureIhavemylawyerpresent.”
“SweartoGod,Nash,ifyoudon’tbackthefuckup,I’mgonnabreakthisbottleoveryourheadandthenmakeyoucleanitupwiththisfuckin’broom.”
Beinghappilyengagedwasdefinitelyaffectingmyidiotbrother’sabilitytocraftthreats.
Still,itwasn’tsmartformetokeepmybacktohim.IremovedmyhandfromLina’swaistandtriedtotakeastepback.Butshewasstillclingingtomyshirt.
“You’retheonewho’sgottaletgo,baby,”Iwhispered.
Sheglanceddownatherhandsclampedonmyshirtandslowlyreleasedhergrip.
“Areyouokaytodrive?”Iaskedher.
“Shehadonefuckingbeer.Yougonnarunasobrietycheckpointinmydiningroom?”Knoxdemanded.
“Iwasn’ttalkingaboutthebeer,”Isaidtohimthroughclenchedteeth
“I’mfine.Thanksfordinner,Knox.I’llseeyouaround.”Sheslippedpastmeandheadedoutthefrontdoor.
“What.The.Fuck.Was.That?”Knoxpunctuatedeachwordwithajabfromthebroomhandleintomyribs.
“Ow.”
“No,”hesaid.
“Nowhat?”
Usingthebroomhandle,KnoxpointedtothedoorLinahadexitedthrough,thenbackatme.“That.It’snothappening.”
Iignoredhiscomment.“HowmuchdoyouknowaboutLina?”
“Whatthehelldoyoumean?I’veknownherforever.”
“Doyouknowwhatshedoesforaliving?”
“Sheworksininsurance.”
“Wrong.She’saninsuranceinvestigatorforPritzgerInsurance.”
“Notseeingadifference.”
“She’sbasicallyabountyhunterforpersonalproperty.”
“Sowhat?”
“SosheshowsupintownrightafterItakeacoupleofbullets.Sheliesaboutwhatshedoesforaliving,andsheknowstheU.S.marshalwho’supmyass.Youdon’tthinkthosearesomeinterestingcoincidences?”
“Whydoeseveryoneinmyfuckin’lifewannatalkshittodeath?”Knoxmuttered.
“Whydoesshewearawatchthatmonitorsherheartrate?”
“HowthefuckshouldIknow?Don’tallthoseidiotswhorunforfundothat?I’mmoreconcernedwithwhymybrotherhadoneofmybestfriendspinnedupagainstawall.”
“Yougotaproblemwiththat?”
“Yeah.Abigone.”
“Caretoelaborate?”Iasked.
“Fuckno.YouandLinaain’thappenin’.Endofstory.Noelaborationnecessary.”
“Thatstrategyeverworkwithyourgirls?”
WearilyKnoxpulledoutoneofthechairsandsat.“Notsofar,butI’mhopin’oneofthesetimesthey’llletmetakethewin.Sityourassdown.”HeindicatedthechairLinahadvacated.
AssoonasIsat,PiperscrabbledatmyshinsandIpickedherup.Shecuddledupagainstmychestandletoutasigh.AsifImadeherfeelsafe.Damndog.
“Youwannatalk.Fine.Shutthehellupandlisten.TrustmewhenIsayLina’sthekindoffriendyouwantonyourside.Notjustcauseshe’shellonwheelswhenyou’vepissedheroff,butbecauseshe’soneofthegoodones.Ifsheain’trunnin’hermouthaboutjobdescriptionsandstupidsmartwatches,she’sgotareasonfornotsharing.Maybethatreasonisyouhaven’tearnedhertrust.Ormaybethatshit’sbecauseit’snoneofyourdamnbusiness.”
Buttherewassomethinginmethatknewitwasmybusiness.
“Iknow—”
Knoxcutmeoff.“Shutit.She’soneofthebestpeopleIknow.Soareyou.Fixthingswithherandthenleaveheralone.I’mnotlettin’youtwoplaygameswitheachother.Andstoppinninghertogoddamnwalls.Thewomanhatestobetouched.Ican’tbelieveshedidn’tdetachyourballsonherwayout.”
Linahatedbeingtouched?Thiswasnews.
“We’regoin’outtomorrownight.You,me,andLucy,”mybrothercontinued.
Ishookmyhead.“I’vegotalotonmyplate—”
“We’regoin’outtomorrownight,”herepeated.“HonkyTonk,9:00p.m.It’syourdayoff,andifyoutryandcancel,LucyandIaregonnashowupatyourplaceanddragyouout.We’vegotshittodiscuss.”NINE
ANEIGHBORLYCOCKBLOCKING
Nash
Iflippedthebirdtomyfederalshadowintheparkinglot,droppedPiperoffatmyplace,andthengrudginglyheadednextdoor.Lina’sdoorloomedinfrontofmelikeacastlewall.Therewasmusiccomingfrominside.Somethingwithadrivingbeat.Somethingthatsaid“Beware:AngryWoman.”Ihesitatedforasecond,thenknockedhard.
Thedoorswungopenalmostimmediately,andIblinkedinsurprisewhenMrs.Tweedyappearedinthedoorway.Shewasholdingherusualeveningglassofbourbonontherocksanddressedinherusualuniformofworkouttights,tunic,andfrostypinklipstick.Herwhitehairwastallandpoufy,addinganotherfourinchestoherfivefootevenframe.
Icheckedtheapartmentnumber,wonderinghowinthehellI’dknockedonthewrongdoor.
“Well,ifitisn’tStudlyDo-Right,”shesaidinhersoutherntwang.Theiceinherglassclinkedmerrily.
2B.Rightnextdoortomyplace.Ihadn’tgottenthewrongplace.Mrs.Tweedywasansweringthewrongdoor.
“Linahere?”Iasked.
“Nope.I’mbreakingandentering.Wannacuffme?”Sheheldupherhands,wriststogether,andwiggledhereyebrowssuggestively.
JanuaryTweedywasfeistyenoughat76thatIshudderedtothinkwhatshe’dbeenlikeasateenager.
LinaappearedinthedoorwaybehindherandIbreathedasighofrelief.
“WhatcanIdoforyou,Chief?”Linaasked.Hertonewasicy.“DoyouneedtoknowwhatIhadforlunchtoday?AlistofeverypersonI’vespokentosinceIgothere?”
“I’monthatlist.We’reBFFFs,”Mrs.Tweedypipedup.
“BFFFs?”Irepeated.
“Bestfuckin’friendsforever,”shesaid.“YougotaproblemwithLinahere?You’vegotabiggerproblemwithme.Oh,alsoIneedyoutostopbyandfishmywatchoutofthegarbagedisposalagain.”
Lina’slipsquirked.Butallamusementvanishedwhenshecaughtmelookingather.
“Mrs.Tweedy,ifyouletmespeaktoLinainprivate,I’llstopbyaftertogetyourwatchoutofthesink.”
“Andhangmynewshowercurtain.”
“Anothernewshowercurtain?Whatthehellhappenedtothelastone?”
Shetookarebellioussipofbourbon.“Thatsoundslikeanotome,don’tit,Lina?”
“Itsurewasn’tayes,”sheagreed.
“Fine.Watchandshowercurtain.Nowgoaway,”Isaid.
Mrs.Tweedypattedmeonthecheek.“You’reagoodboy,Nash.Trynottoleaveyourheadupyourassfortoolong.Soonerorlater,thecondition’spermanent.”SheturnedtoLina.“Seeyouatthegymtomorrowmorning.Brightandearly!”
“Itwasnicemeetingyou,”Linacalledafterher.
Allamusementdisappearedthesecondthedoorclosedacrossthehall.
“Ifyoucameheretocontinueyourinterrogation—”
Irestedmyforearmonherdoorframe.“No,ma’am.”
“Don’tyou‘ma’am’me.ThisisnorthernVirginia.Y’allbarelysayy’allhere.Youcan’t‘awshucks’yourwayoutofthis.”
Mrs.Tweedy’sdoorcrackedopenbehindme.
“Icametoapologize,”Isaid,ignoringtheeavesdroppingaudience.
Linacrossedherarms.
“Notgonnamakeiteasyonme,areyou?”
“WhyshouldI?”
Idecidedtopushmyluck.Iputahandonhershoulderandgentlybutfirmlybackedherinside,thenshutthedoorbehindme.
“Sure.Comeonin.Makeyourselfathome,”shesaiddryly.
Itdidn’tlookasthoughshe’ddonemuchonthatfront.
TheonlypersonalbelongingsIspottedwereahouseplanthangingoutinoneofthefrontwindowsandthatboxoffilesonhertable.
Ibackedherupanotherstepandthenremovedmyhand.“Turndownthemusic.Please,”Iaddedwhensheshotmeeyedaggers.
ShemademewaitlongenoughthatIthoughtIwasgoingtohavetodoitmyselfbeforeshefinallywalkedovertothetableandpickedupherphone.Themusicloweredtoadullroar.
Itdidn’tescapemethatshetookadetourtoputthelidbackonthefiles.
“Youeverhaveanear-deathexperience?”Iaskedher.
Shewentstill.
“Asamatteroffact,Ihave,”shesaidevenly.
“I’mgonnawantsomeanswersonthatlater,”Iwarnedherafterabeat.“Butfornow,I’llassumethatyouknowbetterthanmostwhatit’sliketowakeupandrealizeyou’restillherewhenyoualmostweren’t.”
Shedidn’tgivemeanythingotherthanalevelstarefromthosewhiskey-coloredeyes.
Iblewoutarestlessbreath.“Angel,Ialmostbledoutinaditch.Mostofmeisstillhere,butpartofmedidn’tmakeitout.Ifyou’reherebecauseofanypartofthat,Ideservetoknow.”
Sheclosedhereyesforabeat,longlashesfringingtanskin.
Whensheopenedhereyes,sheheldmygaze.“I’mnothereforyou.”
Itranglikethetruth.
“Isthatallyou’rewillingtogiveme?”Ipressed.
Shepursedherlips.“We’llseehowtheapologypartofyourpresentationgoes.Anditbetterincludean‘I’msorryI’madumbassandletaU.S.marshalthinkwe’dhadsex.’”
“I’msorryfortheinterrogation.Idon’thavemyfeetunderme,andI’mjustdoin’thebestIcaninashitsituation.Itfeltlikeyouwerehidingsomething,especiallywhenIsawPaininMyAssMustachemakingamoveonyouthismorning.I’musedtotrustingmygut.StillgettingusedtothefactthatIcan’tanymore.”
Hereyesnarrowed.“Whycan’tyou?”
“BecauseIwalkedrightonuptothatcar.”
Linadroppedherarmstohersidesandletoutasoundofaggravation.“Now,how’sagirlsupposedtoholdagrudgeagainstthewholebroody,woundedheroroutine?”
“I’mhopin’shecan’t,”Iadmitted.
Shedrewinabreathandletitout.“Fine.Iamintownlookingforsomething.”SheheldupafingerinmydirectionwhenIopenedmymouth.“Ididn’tcomeherebecausesomeoneputabulletortwoinyou.I’mlookingforsomethingsomeonestolefromaclient.Acoupleofleadspointedmeinthisdirection.NolanandIcrossedpathsyearsagoonadifferentjob.Ididn’tknowhewasintownandviceversa.”
“Areyouplanningtocrosspathswithhimwhileyou’rebothhere?”
TherewasabouttwofeetofspacebetweenusandIswearIfelttheaircracklelikelightningwasabouttostrike
“I’mwonderingwhyyouwouldthinkthatwasyourbusiness,”shesaid.
“I’lltellyouifyousayyouacceptmyapology.”
“Fine.Apologyaccepted.”
“You’requick,”Iobserved.
“Quitstalling,”sheordered.
“I’mgonnabehonesthereandyou’reprobablynotgonnalikeit.”
“Onlyonewaytofindout.”
“Ilikestirringyouup.Iprovokedyou,andforthatI’mmostlysorry,”Iadmitted.
“Why?”
“WhyamIsorry?”
“No.Muchasyouactedlikeitthismorningandtonight,you’renotanidiot.YouknowIcouldbeascaryneighbortopissoff.Whydidyouprovokeme?”sheasked.
“Youmakemefeelthings.Andaftergoinglongenoughwithoutfeelinganything,feelingsomething—evenifit’sangeroradrenaline—isbetterthanthenothing.”
Thesparkoflightinhereyesturnedtoasmolder.
Itookaslowsteptowardher.“EverytimeI’mnearyou,everytimeyoulaughorlookatmelikeyou’relookingrightnoworgetpissedoff,Ifeelsomething.”
“Whatkindofsomething?”
Itookanotherstepandclosedthedistancebetweenus.
“Good,”Isaid,takingachanceandcuppingmyhandslooselyaroundherbiceps.Shedidn’tpullaway.“Thoughtobehonest,goodisprettymuchanythingotherthanwhatI’vebeenfeeling.Imightbeworkingupthecouragetofightfortherighttostayclose.Ican’tdothatifyou’vegotanothermaninyourbed.”
Shepursedherlipsandconsidered.“There’snooneoccupyingthatspaceatthemoment,”shesaidfinally.
“DoesitbotheryouwhenItouchyou?”Iasked.
Sherolledhereyes.“ItakeitKnoxopenedhisbigmouth?”
“Hemayhavementionedyouhadaproblem.”
“Yethereyouarewithyourhandsonme,”shepointedout.“Prettyballsyofyou.”
“Mybrotherwassurprisedyou’dletmegetthisclosetoyouwithsaidballsattached.Itgotmewondering.Whatif?”
“Whatifwhat?”
“WhatifyoulikemetouchingyouasmuchasIliketouchingyou?”
Iwascloseenoughtokissher.Itwouldbeeasyenoughtoleandownandclosethedistance.Tofeelthatsmartmouthundermineandtastethosesecrets.Somethingaboutthisfeltsoright.Sofuckinginevitable.
“Allright.I’llplay.WhatifIdo?”Shehadflecksofgoldandtopazinthosebrowneyesthatweresizingmeup.
“Whatifyouletmegetcloser?”
Shequirkedaneyebrow.“Exactlyhowmuchcloser?”
Itookhalfastepintoher,bringingmybodyflushwithhers.EverynerveinmybodyfiredtolifeatthecontactasifshewerejumpercablesandIwasadeadbattery.
“Ascloseasyou’llletme.Idon’tjustwantthis,Angelina.Ineedthis.”
“Areyousayingyouwantmetobesomekindofemotionalsupportfuck?”
“I’msayin’Iwanttogetasclosetoyouasyou’llletme.ThecloserIgettoyou,thebetterIfeel.Likerightnow,”Isaidsoftly.“IfeellikeIcanfinallybreatheeasy.”
Shebroughtahandtomychestandpresseditthere.“That’s…alotofpressure.”
“Iknowit,”Iadmitted.Thiswasn’tlookingforaone-nightstand.Thiswasaquestforananchor.SomethingIcouldhangontointhestorm.“Cardsonthetable?”
“Whystopnow?”
“There’sawholelotofreasonswhyyoushouldsayno.NottheleastofwhichisI’mdamagedenoughtoknowthere’sachanceImightnoteverberightagain.”
“Nobody’sperfect,”shesaidwithaquirkofthosesoft,fulllips.
Iskimmedmyhandsupherarmsandthenbackdownjusttofeelthesoftnessofhersweater,thewarmthofherbody.“Knoxdoesn’twantusanywhereneareachother.”
“ToobadforhimIhatebeingtoldwhattodo,”shesaid,bringingherotherhandtomychest.ShepresseditthereandIleanedintothetouch.
“IhatesurprisesandIdon’ttoleratelies.Noteventhelittleones.”
“Idespiseboredomandroutine.SomewouldevensayIinvitedrama.”
“Untilthissummer,Iwasprettysetonfindingawife.Startingafamily,”Iconfessed.
Sheletoutanervouslaugh.“Okay.Thatonescaredmealittle.Nowwhatareyouseton?”
“Feelingalive.”
Hergazelockedonmineanditfeltlikethemiddaysunwarmingmedowntomycore.
“AndyouthinkIcanhelpwiththat?”sheasked.
Myheartwasbeatingstrongagainstmysternum.Anansweringpulseechoedthroughoutmybody,warmingmyblood,stirringmycock.“Angel,youalreadyhave.”
HereyeswentwideandIwonderedifI’dgonetoofar.
“You’renotmytype,”shesaidfinally.
“Iknow.”
“I’mnotplanningonstickingaround.”
“Gotthattoo.”
“Youjustsaidyouwerelookingforawife,Nash.”
“Iwas.NowI’mjustlookingtogetthroughtheday.”
SheblewoutabreaththatIcouldfeel.
Wekeptgettingcloserandcloser.Standinginthemiddleofhermostlyemptyapartment,wefilledthespacearounduswithheat.Herbreastsbrushedmychest,barefeetskimmingthetoesofmyboots.Mybreathstirredherhair.
“Needtoaskyousomethingelse,”Isaid.
“Ifit’smymother’smaidennameandthelastfourdigitsofmysocialsecuritynumber,I’mgoingtorealizethisisareallyelaboratescam.”
Iranafingerdownhersharpjaw.“DoyoulikeitwhenItouchyou?”
Ashiverranthroughher.“Why?”
“Youknowwhy.ButIwantyoutosayit.Cardsonthetable.”
Herfacesoftened.“Idon’tseemtomindwhenit’syourhandsdoingthetouching,hotshot.”
“Ifthatchanges,Ineedtoknow.Immediately.”
Shehesitatedbeforenodding.
“Yeah?”Ipressed.
Shenoddedagain.“Yeah.”
Itookoneofherhandsfrommychestandsliditovermyshoulder.ThenIdidthesamewiththeother.Shefeltwarm,alive,andsofuckingsoftagainstme.Ishiftedmyweighttoonefoot,swayingustotheside.
“Wecan’tslowdancetotheStruts,”shepointedoutasthedrivingbeatof“CouldHaveBeenMe”thumped.
“Lookslikethat’sexactlywhatwe’redoing.”
Sheletoutashakybreath.Ibrushedafingertiptothepulseinherneck.Despitehercalmexterior,herpulseflutteredundermytouch.
“Isyoumonitoringyourheartratepartofthatnear-deathstory?”Iaskedher.
Shepausedmidsway,thenbitherlip,lookinguncertainforthefirsttimeIcouldremember.“Ithinkmaybewe’vehadenoughhonestyforonenight,”shesaid.
Ididn’tagree.ButIwasapatientman.I’dunraveleveryoneofthosesecretssheheldbackuntilshewaslaidasbareasIwas.Ituckedherheadundermychin,thenslidmyhandsunderthehemofhercardigantotouchtheskinofherback.Breathinginthescentsofshampooandlaundrydetergent,Iheldhertomelikeshewaspreciouscargoandswayed.
Iwashardagain.Onethingwasforsure,LinaSolavitaknewhowtomakeamanfeelalive.
IwassofocusedonabsorbingallthesoftandwarmshehadtoofferthatLinareactedtotheknockatthedoorfirst.
“Thisshowercurtainain’tgonnahangitself,Chief,”Mrs.Tweedybellowed.
“Fuck,”Imuttered.
“Iguessyou’dbettergo,”Linasaid,herarmsslippingfreeofmyneck.
“Guessso.ThinkaboutwhatIsaid?”
“Imightnotthinkaboutanythingelse,”sheconfessedwithawrysmile.
Gently,Icuppedherfaceinmyhandsandmovedin.ButinsteadofgoingforthosefulllipsthatpartedwhenIwasjustabreathaway,Ipressedakisstoherforehead.
“Thanksforthedance,Angel.”TEN
SWEATINGWITHTHEOLDIES
Lina
Knockemout’sgymwasliketherestoftown:alittlerougharoundtheedgesandalotinteresting.Itwasalong,lowmetalbuildingwithagravelparkinglot.At7:00a.m.,itwasrespectablyfullofmotorcycles,minivans,andluxurySUVs.
I’dspentagoodportionofthenighttossingandturning,thinkingaboutNash’sproposition.Iwasn’tusedtoamangettingundermyskinorintomyheadlikethat.IhopedagoodworkoutwouldhelpmeshakeouttheobsessiveruminationaboutexactlyhowcloseNashwantedtogettome.OrhowcloseIwaswillingtolethim.
Iwastempted.Verytempted.Itwasexactlythekindofrushtheoldmewouldhavejumpedat.Butwasn’tittimetobreakoldpatterns?Tolearntomakebetterchoices?
Besides,ifIletthemanintomybed,he’dwanttogetclose.AndclosemeantI’druntheriskofNashdiscoveringmypracticallyinsignificantomissionofthetruth,whichhewoulddefinitelyviewasanactofwar.AndthiswaswhyIdidn’tdothingsthatremotelyresembledrelationships.
Sowhatifhishandsonmemademefeelmeltyanddecadentlikeagourmetgrilledcheese?ThiswasonechallengeIdidn’tneedtomeet.Onemysterythatdidn’tneedsolving.Thesmartthingwouldbetoavoidhim.Juststayoutofhisway,getthejobdone,andbeonmyway.
Inside,themusicwashard-drivingclassicrockinsteadoftheusualpeppypopmixmostgymspreferred.Therewerenotanningbedsormassagechairs,justrowsofmachines,freeweights,andsweatypeople.
“Younew?”Thegirlbehindthecorrugatedmetalfrontdeskhadanosepiercing,anecktattoo,andthebodyofayogagoddess.
“Yeah.I’mmeetingMrs.Tweedyandherfriends.”
Sheflashedaquickgrin.“Havefunwiththat.Anddefinitelysignthis.”Sheslidaclipboardwithawaivertowardme.
Wonderingjusthowbadaworkoutwithseptuagenarianscouldpossiblybe,Iscrawledmynameatthebottomandhandeditback.
“Trynottohurtyourselfkeepingup,”shewarned.“Lockerroomsarebehindme.Yourcrewisdownthere.”Shepointedtowardthefarendofthegym.
“Thanks,”Isaidandheadedinthatdirection.
Thecenterofthespacewasoccupiedbyafewdozencardiomachines.Treadmills,ellipticals,rowingmachines,bikes.Therewasalargestudiointhebackwheresomekindofbootcampclasswasinprogress.Someonewasthrowingupinatrashcanandanotherpersonwaslyingflatontheirbackwithatowelovertheirfacewhiletheinstructorledtherestoftheclassthroughanexcessivenumberofburpees.
ThecrowdwasameltingpotofhorsepeopleintheirLululemonandhigh-techgadgetwatchesmixedwiththebikercrowdflexingtheirtattoosinrippedtanktopsandbandannas.Runningfulloutonneighboringtreadmillswerealeantwentysomethingwhiteguyinhead-to-toeUnderArmourandaBlackwomanwithsilverboxbraidsandaHarleytanktopthathadseenitsownmileage.Hisfacewascontortedfromeffort.Shewasgrinning.
AgathaandBlaze,middle-agedbikerbabelesbianswhofrequentedKnox’sHonkyTonk,threwmeasalutefromtheirside-by-sidestair-climbers.
“Lina!”
Mrs.Tweedywavedfromthefreeweightssection.ThehalfdozenelderlyfolksinmatchingtracksuitsbehindhereyedmeasIapproached.
“Morning,”Isaid.
“Gang,thisismynewneighborandbestie,Lina.Lina,thisisthegang,”shesaid.
“Hi,Lina,”theysaidasone.
“Hi,gang.”TheywereamotleycrewifI’deverseenone.Bestguess,theiragesrangedfrommidsixtiestoeighties.Therewerewrinklesandgrayhairbutalsomusclesandtop-of-the-lineathleticshoes.
“Youreadytowork?”Mrs.Tweedytwanged.
“Sure.”I’dstuckmostlytorunningsincearrivingintown.Anice,easyweightworkoutwouldbeagoodwaytoeasebackintostrengthtraining.
“Don’tstartwithoutme!”Stefjoggedupindesignergymthreads.
“Wemeetagain,”Isaidtohim.
“Abouttime,Steffy,”thewomanonMrs.Tweedy’srightsaid.Herjet-blackhairwasstreakedwithsilver,andherT-shirtsaidMyWarm-UpIsYourWorkout
“Iwasintheparkinglotgivingmyselfapeptalk,”hesaid.Helookedatme.“Yousureyou’reupforthis?”
Iscoffed.“Irunfivemilesaday.IthinkIcankeepup.”
Mrs.Tweedyclappedherhands.“Let’sgettheseoldboneswarmedup,y’all.”
“OhGod.I’mdying.Saveyourself.Goonwithoutme,”IbeggedStef.
Hereacheddownandhauledmeoffthelongstripofmatthatranalongonewallofthegym.Mykneesbuckled.Iwasadehydratedhuskofahumanbeing.Mymusclesweretooweaktoholdmeup.Miraculously,myhearthadstayedinthesafezonethroughtheworkoutfromhell,buttherestofmybodyhadgivenup.
“Pullyourselftogether,woman.Ifyouquitnow,they’llneverletyouforgetit,”Stefwheezed.Sweatdrippedoffhischin.Hisusuallyperfectlystyledhairstoodupindampblacktuftsalloverhishead.
Isuckedinabreath.“Idon’tunderstandhowaseventy-year-oldcangosohardonthebattleropes.Doesthatmustachegivehimsuperpowers?”
Stefsqueezedhiswaterbottleoverhisface.“VernonwasaMarine.RetirementboredhimsohetookuptrainingforIronManevents.He’snothuman.”
Ileanedagainstthewallnexttothewaterfountainandusedthehemofmytanktowipethesweatoutofmyeyes.“WhataboutMrs.Bannerjee?Shejustdead-liftedtwohundredpounds.Eighttimes.”
“Aditistartedliftingweightsinherfifties.Shehasthreedecadesofexperience.”
“Let’sgo!Youcanrestwhenyou’redead,”Mrs.Tweedybellowed.
“Ican’tdoit,”Imoaned.
Stefputhishandsonmyshoulders,butthesweatmademetooslipperytooholdonto.Hegaveupandleanedagainstthewallnexttome.“Listentome.Wecandothis.Wewilldothis.Andwhenwe’redone,we’llgotoCaféRev,orderRedLineLattes,andeatourweightinpastry.”
“Ineedmoremotivationthanpastry.”
“Shit.”Hepushedawayfromthewallandfacedme,lookingill.
“Shitwhat?Didtheyjustaddmorewallballs?Ihitmyselfinthefacelastround.”Wallballswereaspecialkindofhellthatinvolvedsquattingwithaheavyexerciseballandthenexplosivelylaunchingoutofthesquattothrowtheballseveralfeetaboveyourhead.Theywereworsethanburpees.Ihatedthem.
Stefshovedbothhandsthroughhishair,thenwithagrimacewipedhispalmsonhisshorts.“HowdoIlook?”
“Likeyouwerejustdraggedintothedeependofthepoolbyhandsymermen.”
“Damnit!”
“Butinatotallyhandsome,HenryGoldingkindofway,”Iamended.
“MaybeIshouldtakeoffmyshirt?”
“What’shappeningrightnow?”Idemanded,snatchingthewaterbottleoutofhishandsandaimingformymouth.
“Jeremiahjuststruttedhisfineassinheretodobicepcurls.”
Ididn’tstopsuckingdownwater,butIdidpeeroverStef’sshoulder.Thegorgeousbarberwasn’thardtospot,curlingforty-fivesinfrontofthemirror…nexttoNashMorgan.
Ichokedandnearlydrowned.
“Shit!”Iyankedoffmyheadbandandsoakeditwithwaterbeforeputtingitbackon.
Stefelbowedme.“Excuseme!Youcan’thavehim.He’smine.IfIevergetupthenervetoactuallyaskhimout.”
“I’mnot‘shitting’aboutJeremiah,dummy.I’mshittingaboutNash‘DatAss’Morgan,”Ihissed.
Aflutterinmychesthadmeglancingdownatmywatch.Myheartwassteadilythumpingalong.Nowtheflutterwasmovingintomystomach.Apparentlythiswasn’tastructuraldefect.Thiswasworse.
Stefglancedoverhisshoulder,thenwhippedhisheadbackinmydirection,sendingashowerofsweatinalldirections.“Somebody’sgotacrush,”hesang.
“Firstofall,gross.Ihaveyoursweatinmyeyes.Second,it’snotacrush,”Iargued.“It’s…anawareness.”
Myawarenesswentintoroller-coaster-plummetmodewhenNash’sgazelockedonmeashestoodoverabarloadedwithweightplates.Therewasnothingfriendlyaboutthewayhiseyesroamedme.Itwasallhunger.
Thistime,mykneesbucklinghadnothingtodowithmusclefatigue.
“Nooffense,butaren’tyousupposedtobesomekindofedgybadass?”Stefasked.
Itoremyeyeballsawayfromthesmolderingchiefofpolice.“Huh?”
“I’lladmit,StudlyDo-Rightlookslikehewantstowalkoverhere,stripyounaked,andbendyouoveraweightbench.”
Mycoreclenchedininvoluntarilyneed.
“ButIthoughtyouwereaplay-it-cool-make-’em-begtype.”
TherewasnothingcoolaboutthewayIreactedtoNashMorgan.Itwasmoltenhotneedlacedwithicylicksoffear.“Ican’tbelieveI’msayingthis,butapparentlysomemenmakeplayingitcoolimpossible,”Iadmitted.
“Youtwogonnarunyourmouthsalldayoryougonnafinishthisset?”Mrs.Tweedyhollered.“Don’tmakemeaddmorewallballs!”
“Andnoweveryone’slookingatus,”Stefmuttered.
EveryoneincludingJeremiahandNash
Isquaredmyshoulders.“Wehavetodothis.”
“Andwehavetodoitsexy.”
“Youmightaswelltakeyourshirtoffthen,”Isaid.
“Samegoes.Maybethey’llbesohypnotizedbymypecsandyourtitstheywon’tnoticewhenwegointocardiacarrest.”
“Let’strytoavoidthatpart,”Isuggested.
“Ican’tpromiseanything.”
“Let’sgo,kids!”Vernoncalled.
“Lastset,bestset,”Mrs.Tweedyshouted.
Stefgrittedhisteeth.“Comeon.Let’sstripandsexywalk.”
“Drink.”
MyeyesflutteredopenandIfoundmyselfstaringupintothestartlingblueofNash’s.Awaterbottledangledinfrontofmyface.
Iwastootiredandthirstytotakeoffensetobeingorderedabout.
Iworkedmywayintoaseatedposition.Nashwascroucheddownnexttome,asheenofsweatglisteningonhisskinandsuckinghisT-shirtfasttohischest.Jeremiahstoodbehindhimlookingamused.
IkickedStef’sleg.
“Leavemealonetodie,woman,”hesaid.Hewasfacedownonthematnexttome.
Ikickedhimagainharderthistime.“Wecan’tdieinfrontofwitnesses.”
Hepeeledhisupperbodyofftherubberandblinkedatouraudience.
“Needahand?”JeremiahaskedStef
Iscrapedupenoughenergytosmirkasmyworkoutbuddy’scrushhauledhimtohisfeet.
“I’mimpressed,”NashsaidasIfinallygulpeddowntheprofferedwater.“NoonesurvivestheirfirstSweatingwiththeOldiesworkout.”
“Iwouldn’tsayIsurvived,”Icroaked.
“Yougotthatlastrepin,”heinsisted.“Itcounts.”
“Andhadtodryheaveintothetrashcan.”
Hismouthwassoftenedbyoneofthosealmostsmilesthatfiredupthewildswoopinginmybelly.“Stillcounts.”
“They’resuperhuman.Everysingleoneofthem.”
“Thattheyare,”heagreed.
Inoticedsomeofthegymgoersnoticingus.“EitherI’mtoplessoryou’rewalkingaroundbottomlesstowarrantthiskindofattention.”
Heglancedupandaround,thengrimaced.“Smalltown.Therehasn’tbeenmuchtogossipaboutlately.”
“Besidestheirchiefgettingshot,twocitizensbeingabductedandrescued,andaU.S.marshallurkingaroundtown.Whereisyourshadowwithabadgeanyway?”
NashhookedathumboverhisshouldertowhereNolanwassweatingalloverastationarybike,lookingbothpissedoffandbored.
“JustanotherdayinKnockemout,”Nashsaid,offeringmehishand.
Itookitandlethimpullmetomyfeet.
Mymusclessangwithamixofpost-workoutexhaustionandelation.
“Ifyou’rewantinganansweraboutyouroffer—”Ibegan.
Buthecutmeoffwithashakeofhishead.“I’dratheryouthinkaboutitalittlelongerthanonenight.It’sabigask.I’vegotasmalleraskIneedyoutosayyestofirst.”
“What’sthat?”
“MindwatchingPiperformetonight?Ihaven’tleftheraloneforlongerthanafewminutes.”
“Sure.”
“Iwon’tbetoolate,”hepromised.
Iwouldnotaskhimwhathisplanswere.AndIdefinitelywouldn’taskhimifitwasadate.
“I’mgoingfordrinkswithKnoxandLucian,”hesaid,readingmymind.
Theladiesoftownwouldbeaflutteroverthatkindofsexysandwichofhotness,Iguessed.
“Yeah.Noproblem,”Iassuredhim,pretendingthatIdidn’tfeelthestupidwashofreliefthatitwasonlyaguys’nightout.
Hedippedhisheadtowardmeinthatsexy,intimatewayofhis.Mypulsetripped.Sodidthewomanonthetreadmillbehindus.Sheshotmearuefulgrinandashrugwhensherecovered.
NashMorganwasadangertowomeneverywhere.
“Appreciateit.I’lldropheroffalittlebeforenine,”hesaid.
Ivowedtobeshowered,madeup,andwearingsomethingnotsoakedinsweat.IfIcouldmakemylegsworkbythen.“Okay.”
Hecheckedhiswatch.“I’vegottago.IpromisedLizaJI’dcleanthegutterstoday.”
“Here.”Iheldouthistumbler.
“Hangontoit.Iknowwhereyoulive.”
“Thanks,”Icroaked.
“Seeyoulater,Angelina.”Hegavemeagoosebump–inducingonce-overbeforeturningtoleave.
“Nash?”
Hestoppedandturned.
Glancingaroundatournot-so-subtleaudience,IclosedthedistancebetweenuswiththesexiestlimpIcouldmuster.“Exactlyhowmuchofmedoyouwant?”
Thoseblueeyeschangedtoicyfire.“Thegentlemanlyanswerwouldbeasmuchasyou’rewillingtogive.”
“Andyou’reagentleman?”
“Iusedtobe.”Thenheliftedhischin.“Drinkmorewateranddon’tforgettostretchoryou’llregretittomorrow.”
Itwasagoodthingmyfacewasalreadyonfirefromexertion.
Heflashedmeawinkandtheghostofagrinbeforeheadingforthelockerroom.Iwatchedhimgo.Sodidtherestofthefemalepopulationofthegymandahandfulofthementoo.
Nolangotupandwipeddownhisbike.HethrewmealittlesalutebeforefollowingNash.
Stefappearednexttome.“Stillupforcoffeeandcarbs?”Hehadagoofygrinonhisface.
“God,yes.Whydoyoulooksohappy?Areyoudelirious?”
“Ithinkso.Jeremiahgavemeasweattowel.”
“Nashgavemehiswater.AreweaspatheticasIthinkweare?”
“Oh,muchworse,”Stefinsisted.
Vernonclappedmeontheshoulderonhiswaytothetreadmills.“Waynottosucktoobadoutthere.”
“Thanks,”Isaid.
“Youdidwell,”Aditisaid.
“Ifyou’reupforit,tomorrowischestandbackday,”Mrs.Tweedyoffered.
“Don’tyoudaresayyesorI’llhavetocometoo.AndIneedthreedaystorecover,”Stefwhispered.
MylaughwasabarelyaudiblewheezeELEVEN
PANICKINGNEVERHELPS
Nash
MyhandsclenchedintofistswhenIheardthethumpofcountrymusicoutsideHonkyTonk’sfrontdoor.I’dtakenawalkaroundtheblockjusttohypemyselfupintogoinginside.Therewaslaughterandlifeontheothersideofthefrontdoor.IwassupposedtoparticipateinitwhenallIwantedtodowasstayhome,inthedark.Inthequiet.
Thedayhadstartedoutbetterthanmost.I’dgonetothegymwiththeexpresspurposeofseeingLina.Betweenwatchinghermovethatbeautifulbodyandmeactuallymovingmine,I’dgottenaboost.ButsomewhereinthemiddleofLizaJ’smile-longlistofchores,thatcold,darkwavehadcrashedovermeagainwithoutwarning.Itdraggedmeunder,andeventheantidepressantI’drememberedtotakethatmorningcouldn’thelpmefightmywaybacktothesurface.
I’dstartedhalfadozentextstoKnoxmakingupexcusesforwhyIcouldn’tmakeittonight,butIknewhe’dkeephisword.He’djustappearatmydoorandtrytodragmeout.
Itwaseasiertoshowup,gothroughthemotions.
Upstairs,I’dmanagedadozenstiltedwordsbeforeshovingPiperintoLina’sarms.I’dusethedogasanexcusetogetbackwithinthehour.
Icouldfakeitforsixtyminutes.Fifty-sixnow,seeingashowIwasalreadyfourminuteslate.
Steelingmyself,Iopenedthefrontdoorandsteppedintotheworldoftheliving.
ItwasaMondaynight,whichmeantasmallercrowdandcountryclassicsonthejukeboxratherthanaliveband.
Outofhabit,Iscannedthethincrowd.TallulahandJusticeSt.JohnoccupiedatablewithpetshopownerGaelandhishusband,Isaac,fortheirmonthlydoubledate.SherryFiasco,Jeremiah’ssisterandKnox’sright-handperson,wasshruggingintoacoatbehindthebarnexttoSilver,theedgyblondbartender.
MybrotherclockedmebeforeImadeittwostepsinside.Hewasinhisstandarduniformofjeans,batteredmotorcycleboots,beard,andanairof“fuckaroundandfindout.”
Knoxalwaysappearedtobelookingforafight.
BesidehimstoodLucianRollinsinasuitthatprobablycostmorethanmyfirstcar.Hewastall,dark,andalsodangerous,butinadifferentway.
WhereKnoxwasmorelikelytopunchyouinthefaceifyoupissedhimoff,Lucianwasthetypetomethodicallyandcreativelydestroyyourlife.
Luckyformetheymostlykepttheirpowersincheck.
Therewasanemptystoolbetweenthetwo,whichtoldmeIwasabouttobetheunwillingcenterofattention.
Thedooropenedbehindme,andmyU.S.marshalshadowstrolledinside.“Youknowthiswouldbeahellofaloteasierifyoutoldmewhereyouweregoingandhowlongyouplannedtobethere,”hegroused.
“Yeah,well,mylifewouldbeahellofaloteasierifIdidn’thaveyouupmyassallday.”
“Longaswe’rebothmiserable,”hesaidbeforepeelingofftograbanemptytwo-topfacingthedoor.
Knoxstraightenedawayfromthebar.
Fuckme.
Fifty-sixminutes.Drinkabeer.Shoottheshit.Keepmybrotherfromassaultingafed.ThenIcouldgohomeandhidefromtheworld.
Imademywaythroughthetables,noddingaspeoplecalledoutgreetings.
“Evening,boys,”IsaidwhenIreachedthem.
Lucianofferedmehishandandpulledmeinforaone-armedhug.
“Goodtoseeyou.”
“Youtoo,Lucy.”
KnoxwasglaringovermyshoulderatNolanGraham.“ThinkImightgokickyourshadow’sass,”hesaidovertherimofhisglass.
“Appreciatethesentiment,butIreallydon’twannahelpburyabodytonight,”Itoldhim.
Knox’sattentionshiftedawayfromthemarshalandbacktome.“Youlooklikeshit.Youshavewithabutterknife?”
“Nicetoseeyoutoo,dick,”Isaid,slidingontothestoolbetweenthem.Ididn’thavetheenergytostand.
“You’vebeenavoidingmycalls,”Luciansaid,takinghisseatandshootingmeoneofthosepiercinglooksthathadwomen’sunderwearfallingdowntotheiranklesforovertwodecadesnow.
“Beenbusy,”Isaid,signalingSilverforadrink.
Shewinkedasmokyeyeatme.“Comin’up,Chief.”
Onebenefittostilllivinginthesmalltownyou’dgrownupin,youneverhadtotellanyonewhatyourdrinkorderwas.Theyremembered.
“Betternotbebusywithyournewneighbor,”Knoxsaid,straddlinghisstoolandanglingtowardme.
“Ifthat’swhywe’redoin’this,I’llsaveyouanhourandsaywhatLinaandIdoordon’tdoisnoneofyourdamnbusiness.”
“You’remybrother.She’smyfriend.Thatmakesitmybusiness.”
“Saveyourbreath.Nothing’shappened…yet,”Iaddedonasmirk.
“Yeah?Well,itbetterstaythatway.Youtwodon’twork.She’sallwanderlustandadrenalineandyoubreakoutintohivesifyouventureoutofthecounty.You’vegotnothin’incommon.”
“Saidtheexpertwhosebeenengagedwhat?Ahandfulofweeks?Toawomanwhoiswaytoogoodforyou,Imightadd.Thanks,Silver,”Isaidwhensheslidmeadraftbeer.
“Gentlemen,Isuggestwetablethisdiscussion,”Luciansaid.“Wehaveothermatterstodiscuss.”
Thefastertheyspilledit,thesoonerIcouldgohome.
Lucianputhisscotchdownonthebarandnoddedatmybrother.
“Wheredoestheinvestigationstand?LucianthinksthefedsareignoringDuncanHugobecausethey’remoreinterestedinlandinghisfuckfacefather,”Knoxsaid.
Okay,maybeI’drathergoafewroundsaboutmeseeingLinaifthealternativewastalkingaboutDuncanHugo.“It’sanongoinginvestigation.Nocomment,”Isaid.
Knoxsnorted.“Youcan’ttellmeyou’renotrunningyourowninvestigation.IfthefedsarefocusedonDaddy,thenwe’llgoafterJunior.Onlyproblemis,Junior’ssofarundergroundnooneknowswhereheis.”
“OurmostlikelytheoryisthatAnthonyhelpedhissonleavethecountry,”Luciansaid.
IfthejuniorHugohadsplitthecountry,thatmeanttheoddsofhimcomingbacktofinishthejobwereslim.
ThereliefIfeltwasimmediatelyreplacedwithawaveofshame.Asanofficerofthelaw,Iwasprogrammedtofightforjustice.AsaMorgan,Iwasdestinedtojustplainfight.YethereIwas,toodepressedtospurmyselfintoaction.
“I’dhavebetmybrokeragebalancethatassholedoesn’thavetwobraincellstorubtogether.ButNaomiandWayinsisthe’ssmarterthanhe’sgivencredit.Sayswhenhehad’em…”Knoxtrailedoff,hisknucklesgoingwhiteonthebar.
IrealizedthatHugohadn’tjusttakensomethingfromme,he’dtakenfrommyfamily.Andthatstillwasn’tenoughtobringmetothesurfaceofthedark.
MybrotherclearedhisthroatwhileLucianandIdidthepolite,manlythingandignoredhim.
“Waysaidhewasslylikeafoxwithrabies,”Knoxsaidfinally.
Thecornerofmymouthlifted.Waylaywouldmakeafinecopsomeday,butIdoubtedKnoxwouldwanttohearthatabouthislittlegirl.
“HebetterhopeforhissakehisassisinSouthAmericagettingeatenalivebymosquitos,”Knoxsaid.
“Idon’tseeascenariowhereitwouldmakesenseforhimtostickaround.He’smostlikelylivingitupsomewherefarawayfromhere.”
“Butincaseheisn’t,”Luciansaid,“youneedtobevigilant.You’realooseendregardlessofwhereheis.You’retheonlyonewhocanidentifyhimastheshooter.”
“Andhowwouldyouknowthat?”Idemanded.
Lucianhelduphispalms,thepictureofinnocence.“Ican’thelpitifinformationfallsintomylap.”
“Whatkindofinformation?”
“Thekindthatsummarizesyourdashcamfootage.”
Myjawclenched.Itwasmoreofareflexthananyrealemotion.“Thatleakbetternothavecomefrommyend.”
“Itdidn’t,”heassuredme.
“Yourememberanythingyet?”Knoxdemanded.
Istaredatthebottlesbehindthebar.Peopledrownedthemselvesinthosebottlesdailytonumbthepain,thefear,thediscomfortthatlifedoledout.Somenumbedthemselvesinevenmoredangerousways.Someneversurfaced.
ButIwasalreadynumb.Ineededtofeel.Andnoamountofalcoholwasgoingtohelpmedigmywayoutofthisall-consumingemptiness.Therewasonlyonethingthatcould.Onewomanthatcould.
“No,”Isaidfinally.
IcouldfeelKnoxandLuciancommunicatingsilently.
“Youthinkabouttalkingtooneofthose,uh…therapists?”Knoxchokedout.
LucianandIbothswungourheadsinhisdirectionandstared.
“Oh,fuckyouboth.Naomisuggestedit.I’mmanenoughtoadmitit’snotahorribleidea…ifyoudon’tmindspillingyourgutstoacompletestranger.It’snotlikeDadgaveusanykindofhealthycopingtools.”
“Ididseeashrink.Departmentrequirement,”Iremindedhim.
“Traumahasawayofdamagingmemory,”she’dsaid.“Insomecasesvictimsnevergetthosememoriesback.”
Trauma.Victims.TheywerelabelsI’dspentanentirecareerapplyingtoothers.Myownlabel,“hero,”hadbeenpeeledoffandreplacedwith“victim.”AndIdidn’tknowifIcouldstomachit.
“Iseeatherapist,”Lucianannounced.
Knoxstraightened.“See?Asinpresenttense?”
“Occasionally.Iwasmuchyoungerandless…interestedinthelawwhenIstartedseeinghimtogetaccesstohispatientrecords.”
Iglancedovermyshoulder.Nolanliftedhisbottleofbeerinasilenttoast.
“CanwenottalkaboutthisoranyotherhypotheticalcrimeswithaU.S.marshaltwentyfeetaway?Youtwocan’tbeplayinggoddamnScooby-Doointhemiddleofafederalinvestigation.”
“I’moffended,”Lucianannounced.
“Youbeoffended.I’llbepissedthefuckoff,”Knoxdecided.
IpickedupmybeereventhoughIdidn’twantit.“Andwhatdoyoufindsooffensive?”
“Thatyoudoubtmyabilities.”
Tobefair,Lucianwaspracticallyacorporate007.ExceptforthefactthathewasAmerican,preferredbourbontomartinis,andworkedinthecutthroatworldofpoliticalconsulting,whichprobablydidbearcertainsimilaritiestointernationalespionage.
Hewastight-lippedonthespecificsofexactlywhathiscompanydidforitsclients,butIdidn’thavetobeageniustoguessthatitwasn’tallaboveboard.
“Idon’tknowaboutyourabilities.ButIdoknowthatoutofthethreeofus,you’retheonlyonetodoactualjailtime.”
Itwasalowfuckingblowandweallknewit.Hell,Iwantedtopunchmyselfinthefaceforit.
“I’msorry,man,”Isaid,diggingmythumbintothespotbetweenmyeyebrows.“I’vegotashortfusethesedays.”
MypatiencehadmostlikelybledoutofmealongwiththatpoolofOnegativeonthesideoftheroad.ThiswaswhyIdidn’twanttobearoundpeople.
Heheldupahanddismissively.“It’sfine.”
“No.It’snot.You’vealwaysbeenthereforme,Lucy,andI’mbeingapettyassholetakingaswipeatyou.I’msorry.”
“Ifyoutwostarthuggingitout,I’mleavin’,”Knoxthreatened.
Tospitehim,IwrappedLucianinabearhug.Myshouldersang,butinalmostagoodway.
Lucianthumpedmeonthebacktwice.Iknewwewerejustfuckingaroundwithmybrother.Buttherewassomethingsteadyingaboutmyoldestfriend’sinstantforgiveness.ItpaledincomparisontotheanchoringheatLina’stouchstirredinme.Butitstillmeantsomething.
WeturnedbacktoKnox,grinning.
“Youtakin’yourbeertogo?”Iaskedhim.
“Assholes,”Knoxmuttered.
“Iamsorry,Lucy,”Isaidagain.
“You’reforgiven.You’vebeenthroughalot.”
“Isthatwhyyou’rehangingaroundintownonaMondaynightinsteadofrunningyourevilcorporateempire?”
Myfriend’slipsquirked.
“Seriously,man,ifyou’reintownjusttokeepaneyeonme,I’vealreadygotanarmedmustacheupmyass,”Isaid,noddinginthedirectionofNolan.“Youdon’tneedtocampouthereandloseallyourmoney.”
“RunninganevilcorporateempiremeanshavingateaminplacetopickuptheslackwhenI’motherwiseengaged.”
“You’renotmakingthatcommuteuphereeverydayareyou?”TrafficinnorthernVirginiawasitsownspecialringofhell.
Knoxsnorted.“Don’tgetallteary-eyedoverthegesture.Theempirehasahelicopter.Luceisjustusingyouasanexcusetoplaywithhistoy.”
“Justdon’tlanditontheroofoftheelementaryschool.Idon’tneedthefeds,theU.S.marshals,andtheFAAupmyass.”
“Howaretheweddingplansgoing?”Lucianasked,changingthesubject.
“CanyoubelieveDazewasthinkingwhitelinenonthetables?Imean,forfuck’ssake,it’saKnockemoutparty,we’regonnabespillin’shitallnightlong.Idon’twantourreceptionlookin’likethetablesarecoveredinsomemurderedbedwetter’ssheets.”
Mybrothercertainlyknewhowtopaintapicture.
“Sowhatdidyoudecidetogowith?”Lucianasked.
“Navyblue,”Knoxsaidproudly.
“Nice,”Luciansaidwithanapprovingnod.
“Bytheway.Youbotharegroomsmen.”Mybrotherlookedatme.“Iguessyoucanbemybestman.”
Imadeitanhourandfifteenminutesandwasdamnproudofmyself.I’dnursedthesecondbeer,mademostlytherightresponses,andsaidmygoodbyeswhenNaomicalledKnoxtotellhimWaylonhadchasedaftertheskunkhehadacrushonandgottensprayed.Again.
WesaidourgoodbyesandItriednottomakeitlooklikeIwasboltingforthedoor.
IevenpausedatNolan’stablewherehewasshruggingbackintohiscoat.
“I’mwalkingthetenfeettomydoor.IthinkIcansurviveitonmyown,”Itoldhim.
“Yourcall,Chief.Trynottoendupinthegutterfullofholes.”
“I’lldomybest,”Ilied.
Iduckedoutintothecrispnight,thedoorclosingbehindmeonthelightandthemusic.Somethingdidn’tfeelright.Standinghereunderthestreetlight,merefeetfrommyfrontdoor,Ifeltexposed,vulnerable,onedge.Somethingorsomeonewasoutthere.
Wasithim?HadDuncanHugocomebacktofinishthejob?Orwasitallinmyimagination?
Icastaglanceupanddownthestreet,lookingforthesourceofthedoomthatsettledoverme.
Myhandsbegantotingle.Itstartedinmypalmsandrolledintomyfingers
“Fuck.Notnow,”Iwhisperedundermybreath.“Nothere.”
Therewasnoshooterlurkinginthedark.Theonlyvillainherewasthemalfunctioninmybrain.
Thetinglingturnedtoaburn.Iclosedmyhandsintotightfists,tryingtoforcethesensationaway.I’dstoppeditbefore.ButIknewIwasalreadytoofargone.
Alightsweatbrokeovermybody,whileinside,Ifeltchilledtothebone.
“Comeon,man.Keepittogether,”Isaidthroughgrittedteeth.
Butthebandaroundmychestwastightening,tightening.ThebreathIheldbegantoleavemylungs.Thesoundvanishedfrommyears,replacedwiththemuffledthudofmyownheartbeat.
Mybreathwasathinwheeze.
Therewasnostoppingit.Notalkingmyselfdown.Coldsweatcourseddownmyback.
“Fuckme.”
Myhandsclenchedintofistsasthebandaroundmychestgottighterandtighter.Myheartracedundermyribsastheachespread.Imadeitthroughthedoortothefootofthestairsbeforemylegsgaveout.Icrashedintothewallandsliddowntothecoldtile.
“Notreal.It’snotfuckingreal,”Irepeatedbetweenthreadyinhales.
Panicwasneverthesolution.Itwouldneverserveyouintimesofcrisis.Asacop,thathadbeendrilledintomyhead.I’dbeentrainedtostaycalm,tofollowprocedure,tooperateoninstinct.Yetnoprocedure,notraininghadpreparedmeforthesekindofattacks.
Iwasburningupandfreezingatthesametime.Painradiatedthroughmychestandmyvisionstartedtogodarkaroundtheedges.Spotsoflightdancedinfrontofmyeyes.
Ihatedmyself.Hatedtheweakness.Thelackofcontrol.Hatedthethoughtthatthiswasallinmyhead.Thatitcouldhappenanywhere.Icouldn’tdomyjobifIwascurledintoafuckingballontheground.Couldn’tprotectthistownifIcouldn’tevenprotectmyselffromthemonstersinmyownfuckinghead.TWELVE
WELCOMETOTHEDANGERZONE
Lina
“Greatjobpoopingonthegrassandnotthesidewalk,”ItoldPiperaswescurriedtowardtheentrancetotheapartments.Sheprancedconfidentlytowardthedoorlikeithadbeenherhomeformorethanthreedays.
Itwasacold,quietnightinKnockemout.Theairwascrispandstill.
Islidmykeyinthelock,openedtheheavydoor,andfroze.
“Nash?”IusheredPiperinside,letthedoorslamshutbehindus,andracedtohisside.
Hesatonthefloor,hisbacktothewallatthefootofthestairs,hiskneesdrawnuptohischest,armswrappedaroundthem,handsfisted.
“Areyouallright?Areyouhurt?”
Iranmyhandsoverhisshoulders,downhisarms.Hecaughtmyhandwithoneofhisownandsqueezedhard.
“Just…catching…mybreath,”hemanaged.
Iheldontighttohishandandusedmyfreeonetopushhishairbackfromhisforehead.Hewassweatingandshiveringatthesametime.Eitherthemanwasdownwiththefluorhewasonthetailendofapanicattack.
“Youokay?”heaskedme.
“I’mfine.Soareyou,”Iinsisted.“Youhaveenoughair.”
Grimly,heclenchedhisjawandnodded.
Withawhimper,PipershovedherfaceunderNash’sarmandcrawledintohislap.
“Wewereoutforawalk.IthoughtI’dtakeheroutonelasttimesoyouwouldn’thavetowhenyougotback.Shedidherbusinessandwetookastrollaroundtheblock.Ithinkherlimpisalittlebetter.DidthevetsayanythingaboutPT?Ireadthisarticleaboutacupuncturefordogs.”
Iwasbabbling.Themanhadscaredtheshitoutofmeagain
“Relax,Angel,”herasped,hisgriponmyhandstartingtoloosen.“It’sokay.”HisotherhandcameupandstrokeddownPiper’sback.
Stillholdinghishand,Isatnexttohimonthefloor.Myshoulderandarmpressedagainsthis.Hisbody’sfadingtremorsrolledthroughmineandIabsorbedthem.
“I’llrelaxwhenyoustopscaringthehelloutofme.”Ibumpedmyshoulderintohis.“Startingtofade?”
Henoddedslowly.“Yeah.”
“Thenlet’sgetyouupstairsbeforeyoucrash,”Isaid.Igottomyfeet,pluckedPiperoutofhislap,andsetherontheground.ThenIheldoutahand.
Hestaredatit,headcocked,thumbpressingintothespotbetweenhiseyebrows.
“Comeon.YouknowaswellasIdothatthecrashsucksalmostasmuch.YoucaneitherleanonmeorI’llcallyourbrother.”
“Mean,”hesaidbeforetakingmyhand.Ittookeffortfrombothofus,butImanagedtogethimonhisfeetatthefootofthestairs.
“KidsinelementaryschoolusedtocallmeMeanabecauseIwassobossy,”Iconfessed.Iduckedunderhisarmandwrappedmyownaroundhiswaist.
“Kidsareassholes,”hewheezed.
Wetackledthefirststeptogether.Piperdashedaheadofus,tailwagging.Nashwasholdingback,tryingnottoputtoomuchofhisweightonme.Buttherewasalongflightofstairsbetweenusandhisapartment.
“Itstartedwiththesetwinsinelementaryschool,DarlaandMarla.Pretty,popular,andtheyworematching,name-brandoutfits,”Itoldhim.
“Theysoundhorrible,”Nashjoked.“Wantmetodoarunonthem?Seehowmanytimesthey’vebeenarrested?”
Ilaughedandfelthimgivemejustalittlebitmoreofhisweight.
Mylegsweretremblingfrommyworkoutthatmorning.Iwasnotlookingforwardtosittingdowntopeetomorrow.
“Sowhataretheoddsthatyou’llmagicallyforgetthiseverhappenedtomorrow?”Nashaskedaswetookabreakhalfwayupthestairs.
Piperreturnedtous,sniffedanxiouslyfirstatNash’sshoes,thenmine,beforerunningbacktothetop.
“Icanbebribed.”
“Nameyourprice,”hesaid,takingthenextstep.
“Cheesesticks,”Idecided.
“Thecold,peelingkindortheclog-your-arterieskind?”
Hestillsoundedwindedaswetrudgedalong,butnotlikehewasfightingforeverymoleculeofoxygen.
“Nocontest,”Iscoffed.“Givemeallthedeep-friedgoodness.”
“I’llkeepyouinfriedmozzarellafortherestofyourdaysifyounevertellanyoneaboutthis.”
“Unlikesomepeople,Irespecttheprivacyofothers,”Isaidpointedlyaswefinallyhitthetopstep.Piperdancedinfrontofuslikeshewasproudofouraccomplishment.
Hesighed.“Thereyougoagain,Meana.Kickin’amanwhenhe’sdown.”
Iangledustowardhisdoor.“Keys,hotshot.”
Hedidn’tquitemanagetohidethewincewhenheusedhislefthandtodigintohispocket.
Bulletwoundsandpanicattacks.NashMorganwasahotmess.Emphasisonthehot.
Itookthekeysfromhimandunlockedhisdoor.Piperdartedacrossthethresholdintothedarkapartment.
Nashpulledmealongwithhimashereachedforthelightswitchandflickediton.
“Wow.Someonegottheiracttogether,”Isaid,notingthetransformationinside.Itevensmelledclean.
“Yeah.Right,”hesaidthroughgrittedteeth.
“Let’sgo,bigguy,”Isaid,kickingthedoorclosedandguidinghimovertothecouch.
Hecollapsedontoit,eyesclosed.Hisfacewaspaleandsweatstilldottedhisbrow.Piperhoppedupnexttohimandputatinypawonhisthigh.
“It’stimefortheLinaSpecial,”Idecided,depositingthedogleashonthecoffeetable.
“Pleasetellmethat’scodeforsomekindofsex,”hesaidwithoutopeninghiseyes.
“Veryfunny.I’llbebackinaminute.”
“Don’tgo.”Theeasygoinghumorvanishedandthoseblueeyespleadedwithmetostay.“Itfeelsbetterwhenyou’reclose.”
Nowitwasmyturntohavetroublecatchingmybreath.I’dneverbeenwithamanwhoneededme.Wantedme?Yes.Enjoyedme?Ofcourse.Butneededme?Thatwasbrand-new,terrifyingterritory.
“I’mgoingnextdoorandI’llbebackinlessthanaminute,”Ipromised.
Thesubtleclenchofhisjawwasnearlymyundoing.Buthefinallynodded.
Iduckedbackintothehall,leavinghisdooropen,andmadethetwo-secondjourneytomyapartment.Inside,IquicklyfoundwhatIneeded.WhenIreturned,Nashwasstillinthesameposition,watchingthedoor.
“Fifty-sevenseconds,”hesaid.
Jugglingmyhaul,Iclosedthedooragain.
“Getreadytorelaxyourassoff,”Isaid,switchingofftheoverheadlights.IturnedonthelampnexttoNash,thentookeverythingelseintothekitchenanddepositeditonthecounter.“Iassumeyourphoneconnectstothismanlylookingspeakeroverhere.”
“Youassumecorrectly,”hesaid,stillwatchingme.“Coatpocket.”
Hewasstillwearinghisjacket,aslim-fittingfieldcoatinarmygreen.
“Twobirds,”Idecided.“Leanforward.”
Withmyhelp,Nashslidhisarmsfree.Hewaswearingoneofthosesexythermalshirtsthathuggedalotofmuscle.Itwasanunnecessaryobservationgiventhecurrentcircumstances.Unnecessaryyetsomehowunavoidable.IcouldhavebeenonmydeathbedandIstillwouldhavepausedtoappreciatetheman’sform.
Ifoundhisphoneandusedhisfacetounlockit.
“Oh,comeon!YouhaveaplaylistcalledCountrySlowDance,”Icomplained,pushingplay.
“Gotaproblemwiththat?”heaskedasGeorgeStrait’svoicecroonedlow
“Howareyounotmarriedwithapackofkids?”
Hewavedhisrighthanddownhisbody.“Honey,incaseyouhaven’tnoticed,I’mabrittlehuskofaman.”
Isatonthecoffeetableinfrontofhim.“Thehuskthingistemporary.You’rethemarry-your-high-school-sweethearttype.HowdidsomeKnockemoutcheerleadernottieyoudown?”
“Ihadsomewildoatstosowfirst.Hadfunsowing’emforawhile.Thenfellinlovewiththejob.HadalottocleanupbeforeIfeltlikeIcouldgivesomeonetheattentionthey’ddeserve.”
“YouthoughtthatsomeonemightbeNaomi,”Iguessed.Andwhynot?Shewaspretty,kind,loyal,andsweet.Shedidn’thaveanyoftheroughedgesthatIdid.
“Foraboutfiveseconds.ItwasprettyclearshewasitforKnox.”
Ipointedathisfeet.“Boots,”Iordered.
Heglanceddownwearilyasifthetaskweretoomonumental.
Ipulledoneofhisfeetinmylapandworkedthelaceslooseonhisboot.
“Iknowthisissupposedtobehumiliatingandall,butisitweirdI’malsoturnedon?”heasked,headback,eyesclosed.
“You’reacharmer,hotshot.I’llgiveyouthat.”Itookofftheotherbootandscootedoffmyperchtoreplacemybuttwithapillow.“Feetup.”
“Bossy.”
“Feetupplease.”Ismiledwhenhecomplied.“Goodboy.”IgavehimapatonthelegandreturnedtothekitchenwithPiperonmyheels.
Whilethecoffeemakerspatoutamugofhotwateroverateabag,IopenedNash’sfreezerandfoundabagoffrozenbroccoli.
Ibroughtboththemugandthebroccolibacktothecouch.“Theteaissomehippieconcoctionforrelaxation.Tasteslikeyou’rechewingupabridalbouquet,butitdoesthetrick.Thebroccoliisforyourchest.”
“WhyamIwearingfrozenflorets?”heaskedasIpositionedthebag.Piperwasn’tafanofthebagofveggiesandhoppeddowntoinspecthertoybasket.
“ThankstoscienceIlearnedfromsocialmedia.Coldpressureappliedtoyoursternumstimulatesthevagusnerve.”
“Andwewantmyvagusnervestimulated?”
Itookaseatontheoppositeendofthecouch.“Ittellsyourbraintocalmyourbodydown.”
Hetiltedhisheadonthecushiontolookatme.“Mindsittingalittlecloser?”heasked.
Icouldn’tcomeupwithagoodenoughreasonnottobesidesthefactthatIwasscaredtodeathIwasgoingtolethimsweepmeoffmyfeetwithhissexyvulnerability.SoIeasedtowardhimacrossthecushionintothedangerzoneuntilourshoulderstouchedagain.
Hissighwasoneofrelief.
“Trythetea,”Isaid.
Hepickedupthemug,sniffed,thenblanched.“ThissmellslikeLizaJ’sflowerbedsafterthefertilizer.”
“Drinkit.Please.”
“ThethingsIdoforyou,”hemuttered,thentookasip.“OhGod.Ittasteslikesomeonestompedonrosepetalswiththeirdamnfeet.Whycan’tIhaveabeer?”
“Becauseasyou’veprobablysurmised,alcoholisn’tgreatforpanicattacks.”
Squeaka-squeaka-squeaksqueak.
Piperpranceduptothecouchwithatoyinhermouth.Itookitfromherandthrewitacrosstheroom.Shelookednonplussedandthenheadedbacktothetoybin.
“Shedoesn’tunderstandtheconceptoffetchyet.Howareyousuchanexpertonthesubject?Panicattacks,notfetch,”Nashclarified,hazardinganothersipofteaandwincingagain.
“Iusedtohavethem,”Isaidsimply.
Wesatinsilence,staringstraightaheadattheblankTVscreen.Iknewhewaswaitingformetospeakupandfillthegapwithanswers.ButIwascomfortablewithuncomfortablesilences.
“Anyoneevertellyouyoutalktoomuch?”heteased.
Ismiled.“WheredidNashcomefrom?”
“Silenceandasubjectchange,”heobserved.
Ireachedoverandflippedthebagofbroccoli.“Humorme.”
“Momwasacountryfan.EverythingfromPatsyClinetoGarthBrooks.SheandDadspenttheirhoneymooninTennessee.”
“AndthenalongcameKnoxvilleandNashville,”Iguessed.
“Yougotit.Nowit’smyturnforsomeanswers.”
“Youknow,it’sgettingprettylate.Ishouldgo,”Isaid.Butbeforemysoremusclescouldcontracttogetmeintoastandingposition,Nashgrippedmythighwithhishand.
“Nope.Youcan’tleavemealonewiththawingbroccoliandthisgod-awfultea.You’llbetooworriedaboutmetosleep.”
“You’reawfullyconfidentforsomeonewhoclaimstobeahuskofaman.”
“Tellmewhyyouknowalltherightthingstodo.”
Iwantedtothrowaquippyanswerathim,tokeepmyownsecrets.Butforsomestrangereason,Ididn’twanthimtofeellikehewastheonlyonelaidbare.
Iblewoutabreath.
“Thatsoundslikethebeginningofalongstory,”hesaid.
“Along,boringstory.There’sstilltimetosendmehome,”Iremindedhimhopefully.
Heputtheteadownandthencarefullyslidhisarmaroundme.
“That’syourbadshoulder,”Iremindedhimasheusedhisotherhandtopressmyheadtohischestnexttothebroccoli.
“Honey,Iknow.You’regivingmeaplacetorestit.”
Ididn’tknowwhattodowiththefactthatIdidn’thatethewayhisarmfeltaroundme.Warmandsolid.Protective.Asarule,Ididn’tcuddleorsnuggleoranyotherverbsthatappliedtoplatoniccanoodling.Thatkindoftouchingwasunnecessary.Worse,itgavemenideasaboutthefuture.
YethereIwas,coziedupinthedangerzonewithmyheadonthechestofamanwhowantedawifeandkids.ClearlyIhadlearnednothing.
Comeon,Lina“IMakeBadChoices”Solavita.Situpandgetthehellout,Iwarnedmyself.
ButIdidn’tmoveamuscle.
“That’sbetter,”hesaid,soundinglikehemeantit.“Nowtalk.”
“TheabbreviatedversionisIwentintocardiacarrestatfifteenonthesoccerfieldandhadtoberevived.”
Hewassilentforabeatandthensaid,“Yeah,Angel.I’mgonnaneedtheextendeddirector’scutwithcommentaryversion.”
“You’reridiculous.”
“Angelina,”hesaidwithjustahintofgrumpycopinhistone.
“Ugh,fine.Itwasdistrictfinalsonacold,fallnightduringmysophomoreyear.Thestadiumwaspacked.Itwasthefirsttimetheteamhadmadeitthatfarinthetournament.Twominutesleftinthegame,andwewerealltiedupat2–2.I’djustinterceptedapassandwassprintingwithteenageconfidenceandenergytowardthegoal.”
Icouldpracticallyreachoutandtouchthatmoment.Feelthesharpedgeofthecoldairasithitmylungs,thewarmloosenessofmymuscles.Hearthedistantroarofthecrowd.
Nash’sthumbbrushedmyarm,backandforth,andforoncetouchfeltcomforting.
“Andthentherewas…nothing.ItwaslikeIblinkedandthenextthingIknow,I’mflatonmybackinahospitalroomsurroundedbystrangers.IaskedifIscored,becausethatwasthemostimportantthingtome.Ididn’tknowmyparentswereinthewaitingroomwonderingifI’deverwakeupagain.Ididn’tknowthatanentirestadiumofpeople—includingmyteammates—watchedmegointocardiacarrest.”
“Jesus,baby,”Nashmurmured,hischinbrushingthetopofmyhead.
“Yeah.MycoachstartedCPRuntiltheparamedicsgotonthefield.Myparentswereinthestands.Dadjumpedthefence.Theothermomsjustmadeacirclearoundmymomandheldontoher.”
TearsprickedmyeyesatthememoryandIclearedmythroattodislodgetheannoyinglumpofemotion.
“Theyrevivedmeintheambulanceonthewaytothehospital.Butinformationdidn’ttravelquiteasquicklyasitdoestoday,”Isaidlightly.
“Soeveryoneleftbehindthoughtyouhadn’tmadeit,”NashfilledintheblankI’dleft.
“Yeah.Itwasabiggame.Therewerecamerasandpressthere.Iwatchedthefootage…after.NomatterhowlongIlive,I’llneverforgetthenoisemymommadewhenCoachdroppedtohiskneesandstartedCPR.Itwas…primal.”
IcarriedanechoofthatscreamwithmewhereverIwent.Alongwithitwastheimageofmydadkneelingnexttomylifelessbodyasparamedicstriedtobringmeback.
Nashbrushedhismouthovermyhairandmurmured,“It’sofficial.Youwinournear-deathcontest.”
“Iappreciateyouconceding.”
“Whatcausedit?”heasked.
Iblewoutarestlessbreath.“That’saseparatelongstory.”
“Honey,youpickedmysweaty,patheticassupoffthefloor.We’renowherenearevenyet.”
Therewasnothingpatheticabouthisass,butnowwasnotthetimetodiscussthat.Histhumbwasglidingalongmyarmagain.Theheatfromhischestwarmedthesideofmyfaceandthesteadythumpofhisheartbeatsoothedme.Piper,finishedwithherchewtoy,hoppeduponthecouchnexttomeandcurledupagainstmyfeet.
“Fine.Butjustlikeyourescapadestonight,we’reneverspeakingofthisagain.Deal?”
“Deal.”
“Myxomatousmitralvalvediseasewithprolapseandregurgitation.”
“YougonnadumbthatdownformeoramIgonnahavetogofindmydictionary?”
Ismiledagainsthischest.“Ihadadefectinoneofthevalvesofmyheart.They’renotsurewhatcausedit,butitmighthavebeenfromstrepthroatinfectionsIhadwhenIwasakid.Basically,thevalvedidn’tcloseright,sobloodwasallowedtoflowbackward.Somethingintheelectricalsystemshortedout,bloodwentthewrongway,andIessentiallydiedinfrontofafewhundredpeople.”
“Isitstillaproblem?Isthatwhyyoumonitoryourheartrate?”
“It’snotstillaproblem.Ihadsurgery—valvereplacement—whenIwassixteen.Istillseeacardiologist,stillmonitorthings.Butit’smostlytoremindmyselftobecarefulhowIhandlestress.Istillgettheseflutters.Prematureventricularcontractions.PVCs.”
Ibroughtmyhandtomychestandrubbedabsentlyoverthesmallscars.
“Theyfeellikeyourheartistrippingorlimping.Likeit’soutofsyncandcan’tgetbackintherhythm.They’reharmless.Morejustannoying,really.But…”
“Buttheyremindyouofwhathappened.”
“Yeah.I’dbeenstressingoutoverschoolandboysandnormalhormonalthingsleadinguptothatgame.Pushingmyselftoohard,notsleepingenough,livingoffMountainDewandpizzarolls.Ihadn’tmentionedthefluttersorthefatiguetomyparents.MaybeifIhad,Iwouldn’thavekeeledoverinfrontofmyentireschool.”
“Howlongwereyouinthehospital?”Nashasked.
ThemanhadanuncannyknackfordiggingupwhatIwantedtokeepburied.
“Offandonforabouteighteenmonths.”Isuppressedashudder.
Thatwaswhentouchhadstoppedequalingcomfort.Mybodywasn’tmyownanymore.Ithadbecomeascienceexperiment.
“Alotoftests.Alotofneedles.Alotofmachines.”IgaveNash’sthighacheerfulpat.“Andthat’showIbecameanexpertonpanicattacks.Istartedhavingmyown.Thenicethingabouthavingthemaroundmedicalstaffistheycangiveyousomeprettydecentadvice.”
Nashdidn’trespondtomyattemptatplayfulness.Insteadhecontinuedtostrokemyarm.
“Yourparentscallyoueveryday,”henoted.
“Youdon’tmissmuch,doyou?”Icomplained.
“Notwhenitcounts.”
MyheartgaveaflutterandnotthePVCkind.No.Itwasthemuchmoredangerouskindcausedbyhandsome,woundedmenwithbroodyeyes.
“Ishouldgo.Youshouldgetsomesleep,”Isaid.
“That’salotofshoulds.Tellmeaboutyourparents.”
“There’snotmuchtotell.They’regreat.Goodpeople.Kind,generous,smart,supportive.”Smothering,Iaddedsilently.
“Thekindofpeoplewhocalltheirdaughtereveryday,”heprompted.
“Imovedon,butmyparentsdidn’t.Iguessthere’ssomethingaboutseeingyouronlychildnearlydieinfrontofyoureyesthatchangesaparent.Sotheyworry.Still.ChalkthatoneupintheThingsWeNeverGotOvercolumn.”
They’dnevergottenoverseeingmedieinfrontofthem.AndI’dnevergottenoverthesuffocatingprisonsentencetherestofmyteenageyearshadbeen.
Becauseafterfiguringouttheproblem,fixingit,andrecoveringfromthefixing,myparentsweren’topentolettingmetakeanychances.
Theystillweren’t.WhichwaswhytheythoughtIpushedpapersforaninsurancecompanyandwenttoalotoftrainings.Whitelieskeptthepeaceandletmelivemylife.
“DoesKnoxknowanyofthis?”Nashasked,hisvoicealowrumbleagainstmyear.
Ifrowned.“No.Whywouldhe?”
“Seein’asyoutwohavebeenfriendsforknockin’ontwodecades,Iwouldhavethoughtyou’dsharesomestories.”
“Uh,haveyoumetyourbrother?Knoxisn’tthetalk-about-anythingtype.Andjudgingfromthewayyou’repretendingtobejustfinerightnow,I’mguessingyou’renotmuchofanopenbookyourself.”
“It’stheMorganway.Whyshinethelightonthingswhenyoucanpretendtheydon’texist?”
“I’mallforthat.Keepsthingssimple.Butjustsoyouknow,that’sprobablysomethingyoushouldworkonbeforeyoucatchyourselfawife.”
“Goodtoknow.”
Isatupandslidoutfromunderhisarm.“It’sunsolicitedadvicetime.”
“WhoinvitedMrs.Tweedyover?”hequipped.
“Ha.It’syourlifeandnoneofmybusiness,butdoyourselfafavor.Insteadofusingupyourenergytryingtohidethisfromeveryone,maybetryworkingyourwaythroughit.Bothwaystakeahellofalotofenergy,butonlyoneofthemgetsyouthroughtotheotherside.”
Henoddedbutdidn’tsayanything.
Igavehisthighanotherfriendlypat.“I’mgoingtogohomeandyou’regoingtogotobed.AndwhenIsaybed,Imeanyou’regoingtosleepinyourbedunderthecovers.NotouthereonthecouchwiththeTVon.”
Ifelttheweightofhisgaze,thehotcaressofhisneedasiftheywerephysicalsensations.
“I’lldoallthatononecondition,”hesaid.
“What?”
“Youstaythenight.”THIRTEEN
BEDBUDDIES
Lina
Okay,even“daredevil,throwcautiontothewind”meknewthiswasaterribleidea.IknewitjustlikeIknewmozzarellastickswerebadforme.Butjustlikemozzarellasticks,thetemptationwasreal.“Nash,that’snotagoodidea.”
“Hearmeout,”hesaid,tighteninghisholdonmyhand.“I’mtootiredtomakeamoveonyou.”
“I’veheardthatonebefore,”Isaiddryly.
“Fair.Howaboutthis?Wheneveryou’reclose,everythingisbetter.Thecloseryouare,theeasierIbreathe,thelessIfeellikelifeisjustanever-endingpouroflemonjuiceintoanopenwoundthatwon’theal.Youtakeawaythedark,thecold.Andyouremindmewhatit’sliketowanttobehere.”
“Damnit,Nash!HowamIsupposedtoberesponsibleandsaynotothat?”
Thattiredhalfsmilewasmyundoing.Ibelievedhim.Becausehewasthekindofmanwhotoldthetruth.Andrightnow,hewastellingittome.
“I’msofuckingtired,Angel.Ijustwanttoclosemyeyesnexttoyou.Canweworryabouttheconsequencesafter?”
Themanknewhowtogettomeinthebestpossibleway.
“Fine.Butnooneissleepingnaked.Therewillbenosexorrunningofanybases.Therewillbenosnugglingorcuddlingorcanoodling.AndI’mnotcookingyoubreakfast.Notbecauseit’sarulebutbecauseIdon’tknowwhatI’mdoinginthekitchenandI’denduppoisoningyou.”
“Ifyoustay,breakfastisonme.”
Ichewedonmybottomlip,considering.“Onemorething.”
“Nameyourprice.”
“Wekeepthisbetweenthetwoofus.”
Piper’sheadpoppedupatmyfeet.Nashleanedoverandgaveherearsahalf-heartedruffle,andIswearIsawheartsappearinherlittledoggyeyes.
“Myapologies.Thethreeofus,”Iamended.
“Iagreetotheterms.Butifyouwantitnotarized,we’regonnahavetobringNancyFetterheimin,andshe’snotknownforkeepin’secrets.”
“High-five?”Iheldupmyhand.
Thatghostofasmilegotalittlemorepronounced.“Youhigh-fivetoclosedeals?”
Highfiveswerelessintimate.Therewasn’talingeringpressingofpalms,aknowinggripoffingers.Itwaseasy,casual,andabsolutelynotsexy.
“Don’tleavemehanging,hotshot.”
Heslappedmypalm.
“Nowthatthat’ssettled,you’regoingtoshowerandI’mgoingtogochange.”
“Don’tgo.Please.I’llgiveyousomethingtosleepin.Just…don’tleave.”
Forasecond,thefacadeofcharmingconfidencedisappearedandIcaughtanotherglimpseofthemanbeneathitall
Isighed.I’dalreadybrushedmyteethandperformedmyfive-stepskincareroutine,sotechnically,Ididn’tneedanythingfrommyplace.
“I’msorryforputtingyouinthisposition,Angelina.Igetthatit’snotfair.AndIwantyoutoknowthatundernormalcircumstances,I’dabsolutelybetryingtogetyouintomybed.ButI’dbedoin’itwithflowersanddinnerandadifferentaim.”
“Areyoualwaysthishonest?”
“Nopointinbeingotherwise,”hesaid,puttinghishandsintothecushionandslowlygettingtohisfeet.Exhaustionwasevidentinthehunchofhisshoulders.
Irosewithhimandslippedanarmaroundhiswaist.Hisarmfellheavilyovermyshoulders.Hewastootiredtohidethefactthathereallydidneedtoleanonme.
“Oh,soyou’vetalkedtoyourbrotherandLizaJaboutwhat’sgoingon?”IpriedasweheadedtowardVeryBadIdeaTown,a.k.a.hisbedroom.
“There’sadifferencebetweenbein’honestandkeepin’privatemattersprivate.”
Iwasgladtohearhimsaythat.Forme,ofcourse.Notforhim,becauseobviouslyheshouldbetruthfulwiththepeoplewhocaredabouthim.Mysituationwasentirelydifferent.
“I’mnotheretotellyouwhattodo.You’reabigboy.Youknowwhat’sbestforyou.”
Hepausedatthedresserandopenedadrawer.Itwasfullofneatlyfoldedshirts.“Longsleeveorshort?”
“Short.”Truthbetold,Ipreferredtosleepnaked.Butthiswasn’tthekindofsituationinwhichtodivulgethatinformation.
NashhandedmeasoftgrayT-shirtthatsaidKnockemoutBookorTreat2015
“Thanks,”Isaid.
I’dbeeninthisman’sclothestwiceinthepastthreedays.I’dflirtedwithhim,foughtwithhim.I’ddonehimafavorandhadhisbackwhenheneededme.NowIwasabouttoclimbintobedwithhim.Thingsseemedtobeacceleratingawfullyfast,evenforme.
“Youcantakethebathroomfirst,”hesaidsolicitously.
“Thanks,bedbuddy.”
“Bedbuddy?”ImouthedinthemirrorafterIclosedthedoorbetweenus.Whatwaswrongwithme?
Ididmyfinalbathroombreakbusiness,thenstrippedoutofmyclothes.HisT-shirthitmeatmidthigh,butthefactthatIwasn’twearingunderwearmadetheensemblefeellessmodestandmorerisqué.IwouldjusthavetonotflailaroundinbedlikeIusuallydidtokeepthehemlineinplace.Iprobablywouldn’tsleepanyway.BeingfiercelyindependentwasonlyoneofthereasonsIdidn’tusuallyletmenspendthenight.Iwasalightsleeper,whichmeantanynoiseormovementthathappenedwithinahundred-footradiuswokemeup.
IgatheredmyclothesandreturnedtothebedroomwhereIwastemporarilyrenderedspeechless.Nashwasshirtlessandbarefoot,andhisjeanswereunbuttoned.
“Beoutinfive,”hesaid.
Inodded,stillunabletoformwords
Thebedroomhadn’tescapedthecleaningfrenzy,Inoted.Thefinelayerofdustwasgone,asweretheprescriptionbottles.Thecurtainsweredrawnoverthewindowsandhe’dturneddownthecoversonthebed.Piperlaycurledinatinyballintheexactcenterofthepillows.
ThewaterkickedoninthebathroomandIbrieflyentertainedtheideaoftiptoeingouttohistableandtakinganothersnoopthroughhisfiles.ButIimmediatelydiscardedthat.Itwouldbeabetrayaltousetheopportunityforpersonalgain.
Instead,Igotmyselfsettledontherightsideofthebedandscrolledthroughsomeworkemailsuntilthebathroomdooropenedagain.
Sweetbabycheeses.Hishairwasdamp,makingitlookdarkerthanusual.Hisscars,oneontheshoulderandoneonthetorso,wereapuckered,pinkreminderofwhathe’dbeenthrough.Hewaswearingonlyapairofboxerbriefs.Dark-blueones.
Histhighsandcalvesweremuscular.AfinelayerofchesthairthattapereddownintoaVdisappearedunderthewaistband.
Piper’stailtappedoutahappybeatonthebedspread.IfIhadatail,itwouldhavedonethesame.
“That’smyside,”Nashsaid.
IhadtolookawaybeforeImanagedtoformwords.“Youhaveasideofthebed?”
“Don’tyou?”
“Isleepalone.”
Heraisedaneyebrowinquestionandroundedthefootofthebedtoapproachme.
Ishrugged.“What?”
Nashgavemyhipanudgeandsignaledformetoslideover.“Youdon’tshareyourbed?Ever?”heasked.
“I’mnovirgin,”IscoffedasIscootedpastPipertotheoppositesideofthemattress.“ButIdon’tusuallydosleepovers.Ilikesleepingalone.AndsinceIdon’thavetoshare,Isleepinthemiddleanduseallthepillows.Doyoualwayssleepontheright?”
Heshookhishead.“Isleeponwhateverside’sclosesttothedoor.”
Ifloppedbackagainsthispillows.“Ugh.You’regoodguyherodowntothebone,aren’tyou?”
“Whatmakesyousaythat?”Thosecoolblueeyessearchedmineashepulledbackthecoversandgotintobed.
“YousleepclosesttothedoorsoanyonewhogetsinhastogetthroughyoutogettoMrs.Hotshot.”
“ThereisnoMrs.Hotshot.”
“Yet.Butseemslikeyou’vegivenheralotofthought.”
Thedipofthemattressunderhisweightdidsomethingfunnytomyheart.Sodidthewearylookonhishandsomefacewhenheturnedhisheadtolookatme.
Pipersnuggledclosertohimandrestedherheadonhisinjuredshoulder.Iwasnottheswooningtype.ButifIwas,Iwouldhavemeltedintoapuddleonthatmattress.
“MaybeIusedto,”hesaidfinally.“Butrightnow,allIcanthinkaboutisgoin’tosleepandwakingupnexttoyou.”
“Don’tbesweet.Thisisaplatonicarrangement,”Iremindedhim.
“ThenIwon’ttellyouhowmuchIlikeseein’youinmyshirtinmybed.”
“Shutupandgotosleep,Nash.”
“Night,Angel.”
“Night,hotshot.”
Piperletoutawhinylittleyip.
Igrinnedandgaveherapat.“Goodnighttoyoutoo,Piper.”
Nashreachedoutandturnedoffthelamponthenightstand,plungingtheroomintodarkness.
Somehowthiswasworse.Nowinsteadofseeinghimmostlynakedandadorablysnuggleduptoadog,mysensesweredialedintopickuponeverybreath,everyshiftofhisbody.
Inthedark,hereachedforme,hishandlinkingwithmineontopofthecovers.
Yep.Therewouldbenosleepformetonight.
Iwasjerkedawakefromanabsolutelydelicioussexdreambysomething.Somethingwarmandhard.
MyeyelidsflewopensofastIworriedI’dsprainedthem.Ifoundastrong,malearmsnakedaroundmywaist,upmytorso,andundermyshirtwheretheattachedstrong,malehandgrippedmybarebreast.
Nash.
Iwasabouttodemandheunhandmewhenhisbodywentrigidagainstmine.Likehewasbracingtomeetathreat.ThehandonmybreasttightenedandIrealizedthatIwasn’tmad.Iwasturnedon.
Thetensiondrainedoutofhimjustassuddenlyasithadappearedandwhenhishipsgavealittleinvoluntarybuck,IrealizedwhyIwasfeelinglikeLadyHorndogoftheNorthernVirginiaHorndogs.
Myback,everyinchofit,wasgluedtoNash’sfront.Myheelswereagainsthisshins.Thebacksofmythighsrestedflushagainsthisquads.TheuselessT-shirtbarrierwasgatheredaroundmywaist,leavingmyentiredowntownexposed.Iwasalsoprettysurehehadhisfaceburiedinmyhair.
Lastbutdefinitelynotleast,therewasanotherwarm,rigid,maleappendagemakingitselfknownagainstmynakedrearend.Wait.OnequickKegelcheckandIrealizedmysituationwasfarmoredangerous.Saidappendagehadtunneleditswaybetweentheapexofmythighs.
Myladypartswereinfull-blownthrob.Nash’sextraordinaryhard-onwasnuzzledrightupagainstme.Asinhisshafthadpartedthelipsofmysexandthetiprestedjustbeneathmyneedy,needyclitoris.Oneofuswasvery,verywet.
Whatthehellhadhappenedtohisunderwear?Hadhispenisjusthulkeditswaytofreedom?
Ineededtomove,butIcouldn’tdecidebetweenwrigglingawayorrollingover,mountinghim,andputtingmyselfoutofmymisery.
Nosex.Nosnuggling,Iremindedmyself.He’dbeenthroughalotanddamnit,Iwasturningoveranewleaf.Besides,Nashwastheonewho’dbrokenourbargain.He’dcrossedthecenterlineofthemattressand…Ohshit.
Iwasonhisside.Ihadmyarmslockedaroundtheoneagainstmychest.Hecouldn’thavedraggedmeacrossthebed.ManhandlingwouldhavewokenmeandIwouldhaveatleastelbowedhimintheface.
OhGod.
HadIflailedmywayoverhere?HadIputmyownassonNash’scrotchinmysleep?
Thiswasvery,very,verybad.
Okay.Ineededaplan.Ialwayshadaplanandabackupplan,plustwoorthreecontingencies.
IjustneededtoblockoutthatinsanedesireforNashtoanglethosehipsup.Yep.Justblockouttheneedylittlethrobsandfocusonhowtogetoutofthissituationwithouthumiliatingmyself.
DearLord.
Itwasanoceanofwetnessdownthere.Whichwasworse,myhotneighborthinkingI’dwetthebedormyhotneighborrealizingI’dputusinacompromisingposition,gottenturnedon,andthenleakedsexjuiceeverywhere?
MaybeIcouldblameitonthedog?
IwasmullingovermyoptionsalongwithpotentialsolutionsonhowtomopusbothupwithoutwakinghimwhenNashgavealittlegroanbehindme.
IwasconfidentIcouldhavedealtwiththeinherentsexinessofthatraspymoanhaditnotalsobeenaccompaniedbythegentlestshiftofhiships.Thattinythrustsetoffanexplosivechainreaction.
Thecrownofhiscockslidforwardandnudgedthatdemandingbundleofnerves.Atthesametime,thehandclampedaroundmybreastflexed,brushingpebblednippletoroughpalm.
Andthatwasallittook.
Icameagainstthehotheadofhiserection,mufflingamoanwithmyhand.Myhipsbuckedinvoluntarilyastheorgasmflutteredthroughme,curlingmytoesandcontractingeverymuscleinmybody.
Congratulations,me.Itwasanewlow.Orgasmingonasleepingman’scock.Itwasbasicallyassault.
“Mmm.Youokay,Angel?”Nashaskedsleepily,hisfaceburiedinmyhair,lipsbrushingmyneck.
Well,hell.Hewasawake.TherewasnowayIcouldjustcasuallymopuphiscrotchnow.
“Yep,”Isqueaked.“Totallyfine.Justa…charleyhorse.”Inmyvagina,Iaddedsilently.
Ittookabeat,butNashtensedbehindmeagain.Whichcausedthattalentederectiontopokemeintheclitagain.
Thewhimperclaweditswayupmythroat.
“Ohshit.I’msorry,”Nashsaid,scramblingawayfrommeunderthecovers.“Ididn’tmean—”
“Youknowwhat?IthinkI’lltakearaincheckonbreakfast,”Isaidinahigh-pitchedvoicethatsoundedlikemymother’sI’m-pretending-I’m-not-upset-even-though-it’s-clear-I-am-upsettone.Irolledtwicetogettotheedgeofthebedandtriedtositup.
ButIdidn’tmakeitthatfar.
NashgrabbedafistfulofT-shirtandpulledmeback.
“Baby,areyouokay?”
Mortified,Ihookedmyfingersovertheedgeofthemattressandhungon.“I’mtotallyfine.Ijustreallyneedtogoawaynow.”
“Angel,pleaselookatme,”Nashbegged.“I’msosorry.Ididn’tmeantotouchyoulikethat.”
Herolledmeontomybackandpinnedmewithonehand.Isawthemomentherealizedhisdickwasout.Hisspectacular,girthy,tenoutoftendick.
“Jesus,whatthefuck?”Hisotherhandslippeddownbetweenusandyankedthewaistbandofhisunderwearupoverhiserection.
MycheeksweresohotIcouldhavefriedeggsonthemifIknewhowto.
“OhmyGod.Whatareyousorryfor?”Isaid,slappingmyhandstomyflamingcheeks.
“IpromisedIwouldn’tdo…that,”hesaid.Hewassoangry,sohorrified,Icouldn’tlethimtaketheblame.
Hismouthwasapologizing—unnecessarily—tome,butIwaspayingmoreattentiontohiscockandthefactthatitseemedtobehavingatoughtimegettinginterestedingoingsoft.
Imovedmyhandsfrommycheekstohis.“Nash.Iwastheonewhoinvadedyourside.Youwereasleepgentleman.Ipromise.IwokeupafewminutesagoandIwastheonewhodidn’timmediatelyremovemybodyfromyourbody’svicinity.”
Hismuscleslostsomeoftheirrigidity.“Youcametome?Inyoursleep?”
I’dalsocomeonhiminhissleep.
“Where’sPiper?”Iasked,desperatetochangethesubject.
“Inherdogbedwithoneofmysocks,”hesaidwithoutlooking.“Backtoyouturningintoacuddlerinmybed.”
“Ididn’tturnintoacuddler!Iwasprobablyjusttryingtoclaimmyusualspotinthemiddleandmaybewegottangleduporwhatever.Idon’tknow.Let’snotoverthinkthis.Ordiscussiteveragain.Justletmeslinkawayinembarrassmentandwe’llforgetthewholethingeverhappened.”
Heshiftedhisweightoverme,carefultokeephismorningwoodfromtouchingme.Whichifhe’dknownwhathadhappenedtwominutesago,he’drealizewasamootpoint.
Hebrushedmycheeklightlywithhisknuckles,forcingmetoquestionmystatusasanon-swooner.
“Areyousureyou’reokay?”
God,early-morningNashwascute.Hishairwasamessandhisstubblegavehimjustahintofrakishcharmtooffsetthegoodguyvibe.Hehadapillowcreaseunderhislefteye.Nottomentionthatsleepy,earnestlookonhisgorgeousface.
“Besidesbeingembarrassedatmydreamlanddefilementofyou,I’mfine,”Iassuredhim.
“Youslept?”hepressed.
“Idid.Howaboutyou?”
Henodded.“Idid.”
“Howdoyoufeel?”Iasked.
Thecurveofhislipswasundeniablysexy.“Prettyfuckinggreat.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.Really.Thankstoyou.”Inalightning-quickmove,hedroppedakisstomyforehead,thenhoppedoutofbed.“Omeletsinten,”hesaid,headingtowardthebathroom.“Oh,and,Angel?”
Irolledtomyelbow.“Yeah?”
“Ifyoutrytoleave,I’llpersonallydeliverit.Loudly.”FOURTEEN
SNACKCAKEHEISTSANDBADAPPLES
Nash
Thethieveslookedevenmorepitifulthantheirhaulofcrushedsnackcakesandpotatochips.
Threeboysundertheageoffourteeninvaryingpainfulstagesofpubertysatoncoldmetalchairsoutsidethestoremanager’soffice,lookingliketheywerereadytopuke.Beyondthem,NolanGrahamhoveredinthecookieaisle.
Afterthatmorning’sthree-vehiclefenderbenderonthehighway,thehardwarestore’s“stolen”stringtrimmerdisplaythatturnedupinthestoreroom,andMr.andMrs.Wheelernearlygettingscammedoverthephonebysomeoneclaimingtobetheirgrandson,I’dhadabusydamndayalready.
ItwasagoodthingI’dhadmyfirstfullnight’ssleepinweeks.
ThankstoLina.
Iusuallywokewithastarttothesoundthathauntedmybrain.AndwhileIdidrememberitinmydreams,thismorningI’dwokentoLinainmyarms.She’dsoughtmeoutinhersleep.Thatfact—andmyreactiontoit—mademethinkthatjustmaybeIwasstillalive,stillworthtrusting.
Iowedher,thewomanwhowastakingupeveryavailablebraincellthatwasn’toccupiedwithworkandbreathing.Thankstothetalkandthesleep,IwasfeelingmorehopefulthanIhadinalongtime.She’dopenedupjustacrack,andwhatI’dseenbeyondhersexyexteriorhadmewantingalonger,deeperlook.
“HatetocallyouinhereforacoupleofLittleDebbie’s,Chief,butIgottasetanexample,”BigNickysaid.ManagerofGrover’sGroceriesfornearlyaslongasI’dbeenalive,themantookhisjobseriously.
“Iunderstandyourpredicament,BigNicky.AllI’msayin’isIthinkthere’sawayaroundthisthatdoesn’tinvolvepressingcharges.Wealldostupidthings.Especiallyatthatage.”
Hehuffedoutabreathandglancedovermyshoulderatthekids.“Hell,whenIwasthatage,Iwasstealin’mydaddy’scigarettesandcuttingclasstogofishing.”
“Andyoumadeitoutofchildhoodwithoutarecord,”Ipointedout.
Henoddedthoughtfully.“Mymamascaredmestraight.Guessnotallofusareluckyenoughtohaveparentswhocareenoughtoscaretheshitoutofus.”
Iknewwhatthatwaslike.CouldstillfeelthetiltingofmyaxisafterMom—theglue,thefun,theloveofourfamily—leftthisworld,andus,behind.
“TobyandKyle,theirparentsaregonnagroundthemuntilitcomestimeforlearner’spermits,”Ipredicted.
“ButLonnie…”BigNickyletthathangthere.
ButLonnie.
Knockemoutwasn’tgoodatkeepingsecrets.ThatwashowIknewLonniePotterwasatall,toughkidwhohadamomthatskippedoutonhimandhissiblingstwoyearsago.Hisdadworkedthirdshift,whichleftlittletimeforraisingkids.IalsoknewthatLonniehadquietlyjoinedtheDramaClubatschool.First,probablytohaveaplacetogowhennoonewashome,andthenbecausehe’dtakenalikingtotryingonotherpeople’slives.Hewasgoodatit,accordingtoWaylay.Butnofamilymembersevershowedintheaudienceonopeningnight.
“Noticedthepaint’speelingoutside,”Imused.
“That’swhatIgetforhiringthatyahoo’screwouttaLawlerville.Didashitjobwithshitpaintbecausetheydon’tgiveashit.PardonmyFrench.Noneofthemliveheretobeembarrassedbywatchingtheirhalf-assedworkflakeaway.”
“Betsomemotivatedyounglaborcouldgetthejobdoneforyouforthecostofmaterials.”Inoddedtowardthehallway.
BigNicky’ssmilewasslow.“Huh.Youmightberight,Chief.Nothinglikealittlemanuallabortokeepyououtoftrouble.”
Ihookedmythumbsinmybelt.“Thatoptionsitswellwithyou,I’lltalkitoverwiththeirparents.Ihaveafeelin’they’llbeamenable.”
“I’mfeelin’prettyamenablemyself,”hesaid.
“ThenI’llget’emoutofyourhairandwe’llworkitoutwiththeparents.”
“Appreciatethat,Chief.”
IfoundGravestandingguardovertheboys,frowninglikeaterrifyingspecter.
“Allright,gang.I’vegotaone-timeofferforyouthat’sgonnasaveyoufromalifetimeofgroundingandmeanacreofpaperwork…”
GraveandItroopedtheboysoutthebackandintomySUVtokeepthegossipmillfromgettinganyhotter.Pipergreetedthetroublemakerswithnervouspeeksbetweentheseats.
WeranthroughthesituationwithToby’sandthenKyle’sparents.Punishmentsweredoledout,communityserviceandofficialapologiesagreedupon.
“Mydadain’thome,”saidLonnie,theremainingmemberofthefelonioustriointhebackseat.“He’sworkin’adouble.”
PiperwaggedhertailfromherperchonGrave’slap.
“I’llgetaholdofyourdadatwork,”Itoldhim.
Lonniestaredoutthebackwindow,lookingmournful.“He’sgonnakillme.”
Thatcrustoftoughwasn’tasthickashethoughtitwas.
“He’sgonnabemad.Butmadmeanshecares,”Itoldhim.
“Ifuckedup.”Thekidwinced.“Sorry.Imeanscrewedup.”
GraveandIexchangedalook.
“Youeversetfiretoyourdaddy’sshedwithfireworksyoustolefromyourdrunkneighbor?”Graveaskedhim.
“No!Why?SomeonesayIdid?”
“Youevergetbustedforfightingfourguysontheplaygroundjustbecausetheysaidyourbrotherwasanassholewhentheyweren’twrongandyourbrotherwasanasshole?”Iasked.
“No.Ionlyhavesisters.”
“Pointis,kid,weallfuckup,”Gravesaid.
ImetLonnie’sgazeintherearviewmirror.“Whatmattersishowwehandlethingspost-fuckup.”
“Wait.Youguysdidallthat?”
Gravesmirked.“Andmore.”
“Butwelearnedthatraisin’hellgetsoldandtheconsequencesofbaddecisionslastahellofalongtime.”Luciancametomind.I’dwonderedovertheyearswhatpathhewouldhavefollowedifhe’dhaditeasierinthebeginning.Onethingwasforsure,heneverwouldhaveendedupbehindbarsatseventeenifsomeonehadgivenhimachance.“Thatgoesforlifeandwomenandeverythinginbetween.”
“Youshouldbewritin’thisdown,kid.Thisshit’sgold,”Gravetoldourpassenger.
AfterdroppingLonnieoffathomeandcallinghisfatheratwork,IsprangforsodasatthePop’NStop.Iparkedintheschoolzonetoscaretheshitoutofspeeders…andtoannoyNolan,whostucktomyasslikeglueinhisblackTahoe.
GravetookoffhisKPDcapandrubbedahandoverhisbarescalp.“Gotaminute?”
Thatwasneveragoodsign.
“Problem?”Therewasareasonhehadn’twantedtohavethistalkatthestation,Iguessed.
“Dilton.”
Andtherewasthereason.TateDiltonhadbeenarookiepatrolcopwhenI’dtakenthehelmfromlongtimechiefWylieOgdenwhosedecadesofgood-ol’-boy“leadership”hadleftastainonthedepartment.
DiltonwaswhatIlabeleda“jock”intheprofession.Hewantedtheadrenaline,thepursuits,theconfrontations.Heenjoyedshowingoffhisauthority.Histakedownsweremoreaggressivethannecessary.Hiscitationswerelopsidedwithhimcomingdownharderonpeoplewhorubbedhimthewrongwaypersonally.Healsospentmoretimeinthegymandatthebarthanhedidathomewithhiswifeandkids.
Ijustplaindidn’tlikehim.
ClearingouttheentiredepartmentwhenItookoverhadn’tbeenanoption,soI’dkepthimon,investedtimetryingtomoldhimintothekindofcopweneededbehindthebadge.Ipartneredhimwithasolid,experiencedcop,buttraining,oversight,anddisciplineonlywentsofar.
“Whatabouthim?”Iasked,reachingformydrinksomyhandshadsomethingtodo.
“Hadafewissueswithhimwhenyouwerelaidup.”
“Suchas?”
“Hewasadogofftheleashwhileyouwereonleave.RoughedupJeremyTrentforpublicintoxicationintheparkinglotafterthehighschoolfootballgamecoupleofweeksago.Unprovoked.Infrontoftheguy’skid—defensivetackle—whogotinDilton’sfacealongwithhalftheteam.Rightfullyso.ThingswouldagottenrealmessyifHarveyandacoupleofhisbikerbuddieshadn’tsteppedin.”
Fuck.
“Jeremyokay?Hepresscharges?”
“Laugheditoff.Paidhisfine.Pairofbruisedkneesandsomeroadrashassouvenir.Didn’trememberadamnthingaftersleepin’itoff.Buttherewouldhavebeenahellofalotmoretorememberifithadgoneanyfurther.”
JeremyTrenthadbeencaptainofthebaseballteamandbeatoutDiltonforhomecomingkingtheirsenioryearofhighschool.They’dhadmorethanahandfulofrun-insovertheyearseversince.Jeremywasanaffableguywhoworkedforthesewerauthorityanddranktoomuchontheweekends.HethoughtheandDiltonwerefriends.ButDiltonstillseemedtothinktheywereinsomekindofcompetition.
Grave’smouthwastightashestaredthroughthewindshield.
“Whatelse?”
“Triedtotakeatrafficstoptoofar.RealniceMercedesSUVgoin’justahairoverthespeedlimitonthehighway.Justgotpassedbyasouped-uppickupgoingabouttwentyoverthelimit.Diltonignoresthetruckdrivenbyhisdrinkin’buddyTitusandpullsovertheMercedesinstead.Blackdriver.”
“Goddammit.”
“DispatchflaggedmeassoonasDiltoncalleditin.HadabadfeelingaboutitsoIheadedoutwithBannerjee.Goodthingtoo.Hehadthedriveroutofthecarandcuffed,wasyellin’atthewifewhowasrecordinghimonherphone.”
“Why’sthisthefirstI’mhearingaboutit?”
“LikeIsaid,youwerelaidup.Andyou’rehearin’aboutitnowcauselastnighthewasoverheardrunninghismouthatthatshitholebarHellhoundtalkin’bouthowhe’sgunnin’forchiefsinceyoucan’tdothejob.”
Gravepullednopunches.
“I’lltakecareofit,”Isaid,puttingthecaringearandscaringthehelloutofseventeen-year-oldTaushaWoodwhenIpulledoutbehindherpickuptruck.
“Now?”Graveasked.
“Now,”Isaidgrimly.
Adayago,Iwouldn’thavehadtheenergyforthisshit,butI’dwokenupwithamostlynakedLinapressedupagainstamostlynakedme.ItwasmorepowerfulthananyprescriptionI’dtried.
Iranasmall,soliddepartmentthatservedasmall,solidcommunity.Afewthousandpeoplewhohadmorehistorybetweenthemthanmostfamilies.Sure,wewerearough-and-tumblecommunitymaybealittlemorelikelytosolveanargumentwithfistsandalcohol.Butweweretight-knit.Loyal.
Thatdidn’tmeanthatwedidn’tseetrouble.BeingthisclosetoBaltimoreandDCmeantitoccasionallyspilledintotownlimits.Buthavingtroublecomefromabadgeinmydepartment?Thatwouldn’tstand.
Weweregoodmenandwomendedicatedtoservingandprotecting.Andweweregettingbetterwitheveryresponse,everytraining.
Therewereathousandwaysbeyondourcontrolacallcouldgosouth.Athousandwayswecouldmakeadangerousmistake.Therewasnoroomorreasontoaddattitudeandprejudicetothelist.
Sowetrainedanddrilledanddebriefedandanalyzed.
Butadepartmentwasonlyasgoodasitsweakestofficer.AndDiltonwasours.
“Herehecomes,”Gravesaid,givingtheheads-up.
TateDiltondidn’tbotherknocking.Hestrolledintomyofficelikeheownedtheplace.Hewasareasonablygood-lookingguydespitetherecedinghairlineandbeerbelly.Hismustachepissedmeoff,probablybecauseitremindedmeofMarshalGraham,whohadhelpedhimselftoanemptyworkstationandwasdoingagoddamnsudoku.
“WhatcanIdoyafor,Chief?”Diltonsaidashetookaseat,ignoringtherestoftheroom’soccupants.
IclosedthecasefolderI’dbeenreading,addedittothestackonmydesk.
“Shutthedoor.”
Diltonblinkedbeforegettingtohisfeetandclosingthedoor.
“Haveaseat,”Isaid,indicatingthechairhe’djustvacated.
Hedroppeddownagain,kickingbackandlacinghisfingersoverhisbellylikehewasonhisbuddy’scouchwatchingthegame.
“OfficerDilton,thisisLaurieFarver,”Isaid,introducingthewomanhe’dyettoacknowledgestandingbythewindow.
“Ma’am,”hesaid,givingheradismissivenod.
“Youknow,Tate,growingup,myneighborhadthisdogthathekeptonaleash.Fromadistance,thatdoglookednice.Soft,yellowfur.Big,fluffytail.Aslongashewasonthatleash,hewasfine.Butthesecondthatleashslipped,itwasgameover.Youcouldn’ttrusthim.Hestartedgettin’loose.Chasin’kids.Bitin’people.Myneighbordidn’tshoreupthatholeinhisfence.Didn’ttightenuptheleash.Eventually,oneday,thatdogattackedtwokidsoutridin’theirbikes.Doghadtobeputdown.Andhisownergotsued.”
Diltonsneeredaroundthegumhewaschewing.“Nooffense,Chief,butIdon’treallygiveaflyingfuckaboutnoneighborandnoneighbor’sdog.”
Beneathmydesk,Piperletoutalowgrowlfromherdogbed.
“Here’sthething,OfficerDilton.You’rethatdog.I’mnotalwaysgonnabeheretokeepthatleashontight.Bottomlineis,ifIcan’ttrustyouinthefieldonyourown,Ican’ttrustyouperiod.Yourrecentactionshavemadeitclearthatyouaren’tpreparedtoserve,muchlessprotect.AndifIcan’tdependonyoutodoyourjobtothebestofyourability,thenwe’vegotaseriousproblem.”
Dilton’seyesnarrowedandIsawaglintofmeaninthem.“Maybeyoudon’tgetitsinceyou’rebasicallyridingadeskthesedays,butIgotshittodooutthere.Someone’sgottamaintainorder.”
Isatwiththatforasecond.Ihadbeenslipping.Andthathadconsequences.Diltonhadtakenadvantageofthelooseleash,whichmeantnotonlywerehisactionsonme,itwasalsouptometomakeitright.
“I’mgladyoubroughtthatup.Let’stalkaboutthatshityou’vebeendoin’.LiketrippingJeremyTrentoutsideafootballgame,kneeinghimintheback,andcuffinghiminfrontofhiskidandhalfthestadiumwhenallhedidwasremindyouthatyouowedhimtwentybucksontheRavensgame.OrshitlikelettingyourbuddyTitusdrivetwentymilesanhouroverthespeedlimitwhileyoupulloveraBlackaerospaceengineerandhiscivilrightsattorneywifeinaMercedesforgoingfiveover.Youthenproceededtoremovethedriverfromhiscarundertheprobablecauseof…letmecheckyourreporttomakesureIgetthisright…”Iglanceddownatthepaperworkinfrontofmeandread.“Thewantedposterofaprisonescapeethat’sbeenhangin’onourbulletinboardforthreeyears.”
Dilton’sfacetwistedintoanuglymask.“Ihadthesituationhandleduntilyourlapdogsshowedup.”
“Youhadthedriverhandcuffed,bruised,andlyingfacedownontheroadinatuxedowhilehiswiferecordedyouractionsonhercellphonewhenSergeantHopperandOfficerBannerjeearrivedonscene.Accordingtotheirreport,theycouldsmellalcoholonyourbreath.”
“That’sbullshit.Hopandthatbitchareouttogetme.IobservedthesuspectdrivingerraticallyabovethepostedspeedlimitandI—”
Itfeltasthoughsomeonehadswitchedalightoninsideme.Gonewastheicynumbness,thedarkvoid.Initsplace,asimmeringangerbubbledtolife,warmingmefromwithin.
“Youfuckedup.Youputegoandprejudiceaheadofyourjob,andindoingsoyouputyourjobatrisk.Youputthisdepartmentatrisk.Worse,youputlivesatrisk.”
“Thisisbullshit,”Diltonmuttered.“Isthatbitchwifewavingherlawdegreearound,makin’threats?”
“OfficerDilton,youareherebysuspendedwithpay,butonlybecausethat’sprocedure.Pendingafullinvestigationofyourconductasanofficer.Iwouldn’tgetusedtothatpaycheck.”
“Youcan’tfuckin’dothat.”
“We’reopeninganofficialinvestigation.We’llbetalkingtowitnesses,victims,suspects.AndifIfindanythingthatlookslikeapatternofabuse,I’llhaveyourbadgepermanently.”
“Thiswouldn’tbehappeningifWyliewasstillhere.Youstolethisofficefromagoodmanand—”
“IearnedthisofficeandI’veworkeddamnhardtomakesuremenlikeyoudon’tfuckingabuseit.”
“Youcan’tdothis.Ain’tnounionrephere.Youcan’tthrowsomebullshitsuspensionatmewithoutmyrep.”
“Ms.Farverisyourunionrep.ThoughI’mguessingshe’snotasenthusiasticaboutreppingyouafterhearingyourbullshit.Mr.Peters?MayorSwanson,areyoustillwithus?”Iasked.
“Stillhere,ChiefMorgan.”
“Yep.Hearditall,”cametherepliesfrommyspeakerphone.
“OfficerDilton,Mr.PetersisKnockemout’ssolicitor.Thatmeanslawyerwhorepresentsthetownincaseyouneedthedefinition.Mr.Peters,doesKnockemoutneedmetocoveranythingelsewithsuspendedOfficerTateDilton?”Iasked.
“No,Chief.Ibelieveyoucoveredeverything.We’llbeintouch,OfficerDilton,”thelawyersaidominously.
“Thankyou,Eddie.Howaboutyou,MayorSwanson?Youwanttosayyourpiece?”
“I’vegotalotofpiecesI’dliketosayofthefour-lettervariety,”shesaid.“Y’allareluckyI’vegotmygrandkidsinthecarwithme.SufficeittosayIamlookingforwardtoathoroughinvestigationandif,likeChiefMorgansays,wefindapatternofa-b-u-s-e,Iwillnothesitatetokickyoura-s-s.”
“Thankyou,ma’am.Messagereceived.”IlookedatDilton,whowasturningashadeoflobster.“I’lltakethatbadgeandserviceweaponnow.”
Hecameoutofhischairlikehewasonaspring.Hishandscurledintotightfistsathissides,furyflashinginhiseyes.
“Youwannatakeaswingatme,doit.Butunderstandthatthat’sgotitsownconsequencesandyou’reaboutuptoyourearsinthemalready,”Iwarned.“Thinkonit.”
“Thiswon’tstand,”hesnarled,throwinghisbadgeandgunonmydesk,knockingovermynameplateintheprocess.“Thisissupposedtobeabrotherhood.You’resupposedtohavemyback,nottakethewordofacoupleofassholeoutsidersorsomepatheticdrunkwhopeakedinhighschool.”
“Youcanrunyourmouthaboutbrotherhoodallyouwant,butthebottomlineisyou’reinthisworkforyourself.Forthepowertripsyouthinkyoucangetoutofit.That’snotabrotherhood.That’sonepathetickidtryingtomakehimselffeellikeabigman.Andyou’reright,I’mnotgonnastandforit.Neitherareanyofthem.”
IpointedtothewindowwheretherestofKnockemout’sofficersstood—eventheoneswhohadthedayoff.Armscrossed,legsbraced.BehindDilton,Gravegruntedinsatisfaction.
“Nowgetoutofmystation.”
Diltonyankedthedooropensoharditbouncedoffthewall.Hestormedoutintothebullpenandlaidaglareontherestofthedepartment.
ZeroinginonTashi,hegotinherface,loomingoverher.“Yougotaproblem,littlegirl?”
IwashalfwayoutofmyseatandGravewasalreadyinthedoorwaywhenTashismiledupathim.“Notanymore,asshole.”
BertleandWinslowsteppedupbehindher,smirking.
Diltonraisedafinger,shoveditinherface.“Fuckyou.”Heglareddowntheotherofficersandpointedatthem.“Fuckyoutoo.”
Withthat,hestormedoutofthestation.
“‘Notanymore,asshole?’Bannerjee,that’ssomeG.I.Jane–levelshitthere,”Winslowsaid,slappingherontheshoulder.
Shebeamedliketheteacherhadjusthandedoveragoldstar.EvenIcouldn’thelpbutsmile.
“GuessI’llbeonmyway,”theunionrepsaidwithamarkedlackofenthusiasm.
“Goodluck,”Isaid.
Sherolledhereyes.“Thanks.”
“Goodtohaveyouback,Chief,”Gravesaidtomebeforefollowingheroutofmyoffice.
Piperscrabbledatmylegs.Ileaneddownandputherinmylap.“Well,thatwentwell,”Isaidtothedog.
Shegavemeanenthusiasticslurpwithhertonguebeforehoppingdownontotheflooragain.
Ipickedupmynameplateandranmyfingersovertheletters.ChiefofPoliceNashMorgan.
Iwasn’tback.Notallthewayyet.ButitfeltlikeI’dfinallytakenastepintherightdirection.
Maybeitwastimetotakeanother.FIFTEEN
SATANINASUIT
Lina
Naomi:Don’tforget!WeshopforbridesmaiddressesWednesday.I’mthinkingallthefs.Fall,fun,andflattering!
Sloane:Lina,Ithinkthismeansshe’sgoingtodressusuplikepumpkins.
Me:Pumpkinisnotmycolor…orshape.
Ididn’tenjoywastingmyentiremorningfruitlesslycheckingpotentialpropertiesoffmylist.Notwhenitfeltliketherewasatickingclockhangingovermyhead.Ineededprogress.Ineededabreak.IneededtostopthinkingaboutNashMorgan.
Thatmeantbanishingallthoughtsofhisoffer,hisconfessions,andhishot,hardcock.Okay,thatlastonehadalreadytakenuppermanentresidencyinmyhead.Buttherestneededtovacatemybrainimmediately.
IwasmechanicallychewingmywaythroughaCobbsaladatadinerfortyminutesoutsideKnockemoutwhensixfeetfourinchesofsininasuitslidintotheboothoppositeme.
LucianRollinsworedangerlikeitwascustomtailoredforhim.
“Lucian.”
“Lina.”Thatlowtimbre,thosepiercingeyes.Everythingaboutthemanwasvaguelythreatening…andthereforeareasonabledistractionfrommyobsessingoverallthingsNash.
“Whatbringsyoutomybooth?”
Hestretchedonearmacrossthebackofthevinylcushion,takingupevenmorespace.“Youdo.”
Theperkytwentysomethingserverwho’dbroughtmemyfoodandchattedaboutmyleatherbikerjacketforfivestraightminuteshustleduptothetableholdingacoffeepotataprecariousangle.Hereyesandmouthwerewide.“C-coffee?”
“Yes.Thankyou,”hesaid,loopingafingerthroughthehandleoftheupside-downmuginfrontofhimandflippingitover.
HereyesgotevenwiderandIwonderediftheywereabouttopopoutofherhead.Justincase,Imovedmysaladoutofthepopandsplatterzone.
“CouldIgetsomeextradressing,please?”Iaskedwhenshefinallymanagedtopourthecoffee.
“Extracreamer.Gotit,”shewhispereddreamilyandwanderedaway.
“Great.NowI’mnevergoingtogetmyextradressing.”
Lucian’ssmilehadthebiteoffrosttoit.“I’dhopedthisconversationwasn’tgoingtobenecessary.”
“Iloveitwhenmentrackmedownandopenwiththatline.”
“NashMorgan,”hesaid.
Iraisedaneyebrowbutsaidnothing
“He’sgoingthroughadifficulttime.I’dhatetoseeanyonetakeadvantageofthat.”
Ipointedtomyself.“Me?”
“Anyone,”Lucianrepeated.
“Goodtoknow.”Notabouttomakethischateasieronhim,Ispearedanotherbiteofsaladwithmyfork.Ichewedthoroughly,notbreakingeyecontactwithLucian,whodidn’tmoveamuscle.
Westaredeachotherdown,willingtheothertobreakfirst.
ThesewerethekindsofsocialsituationsIexcelledin.Makingsmalltalkaboutnormalgirlythings?Nope.Butgoinghead-to-headwithacageymanwhentherewasimportantinformationontheline?ThiswasmyOlympicsandIwasagoddamngoldmedalist.
Itookatheatricalsipoficedtea.“Ahhhh.”
Hislipsquirked.
“Arethereanyothervaguestatementsyou’dliketomakeorareyoujustgoingtabletotableissuingwarnings?”Iasked.
“Webothknowyou’vegotulteriormotivesforbeinghere.IamawareofyouremployerjustasI’mawareoftheinterestingtimingofyourarrivalintown.”
Ifeignedshock.“Istheresometownordinancethatmakesitillegaltoworkininsurance?”
“Mustweplaygames?”
“Listen,pal.You’retheonewhodecidedtoplaycatandmouse,huntingmedownoutoftownjusttoproveyoucan.Idon’tlikebeingtoyedwithanymorethanyoudo.Socuttothechaseoryou’regoingtopissmeoff,”Isaidwithameansmile.
Lucianleanedinandinterlacedhisfingersonthetable.“Fine.Iknowwhoyouare,whoyouworkfor,andwhathappenedonyourlastjob.”
Ikeptmyexpressiononeofmarkedboredomeventhoughthatlastbitimpressedandunnervedme.
“Despiteyourlowprofile,”hecontinued,“you’vebuiltanimpressivereputationforfindingthingsthatotherscouldn’t.You’reknownforbeingfearlesstothepointofrecklessness,atraitrewardedbyyouremployer.You’renotintownforaweeks-longvisitwithyouroldpalKnox.You’reherelookingforsomething…orsomeone.”
Helettheaccusationhangbetweenus.Itookanothercasualbiteofdrysalad.
“Whyarewehavingthisconversationnow?WhynotwhenIfirstcametotown?”
“Becausethere’sthedamageabulletwounddoesandthedamageabrokenheartdoes.”
Ipointedmyforkathim.“Speakingfromexperience?”
Heignoredmyquestion.“NotonlydoyouarriveintownjustbeforeNaomiandWaylaywereabducted,nowyoujustsohappentomoveinnextdoortoNash.”
“Youdon’tlooklikethekindofmanwho’sspentanysignificanttimeinroachmotels,soIwon’twastetimetryingtoexplainthemove.Thoughgiventhefactthatyou’vegotmoremoneythansomestatebudgets,youshouldreallythinkaboutbuyingthemotelandfixingitup…ormaybejustburningitdown.”
“I’lltakethatunderadvisement,”hesaiddryly.“NowassuremeNashwon’tcometofurtherharmbecauseofyou.”
Feelingoddlyprotectiveofthemaninquestion,Iputmyforkdown.
“Fortherecord,IhadnothingtodowithNash’sshootingorNaomiandWaylay’sabduction.IfIamintownlookingforsomething,it’snoneofyourdamnbusinessoranyoneelse’s.Andfinally,Nashisabigboy.Hecanhandlehimself.”
“IsthatwhatyoutoldLewisLevy?”
Iwasofficiallypissedoff.
Ismiled.“You’relikealittlekidshowingofftheterriblefingerpaintingyoudidatschoolexpectingmetobeimpressed.IfIhangitontherefrigerator,willyougoaway?”
“Soonerorlater,someoneelseinyourcircleisgoingtogethurtanditbetternotbeNash.”
“Whatareyougoingtodoaboutit?GivehimabodyguardtogowithhisU.S.marshal?”Isuggestedflippantly.
“Ifthat’swhatittakes.Iknowyouspentthenightathisplace.”
“Don’tworry,Dad.We’rebothconsentingadults.I’llhavehimhomebeforecurfew.”
Lucianslammedapalmdownonthetable,rattlingthespoononhissaucerandsloshingcoffeeovertherim.“Donotmakelightofthis,”hesaidcoldly.
“Finally.Geez,howfarundertheicedoyouhidethehumaninyou?IthoughtIwasgoingtohavetothreatenan‘accidental’pregnancytogetyoutocrack.”
Heswipedmynapkinandmoppedupthespillwithitbeforereturningittome.“Congratulations.Ifmyteamwashere,you’dhavewonsomeonealotofmoney.”
“Ahow-long-before-he-crackspool?Don’ttellmeLucianRollinshasasenseofhumor.”
“Idonot.”
Ileanedbackinthebooth.“Here’swhatI’mseeing.YoueitherthinkthatI’dbetheeasiertargettomanipulate,oryou’reafraidtohaveanopen,honestconversationwithyourfriend.Eitherway,yourbadjudgmentisshowing,Lucian.”
Heletoutwhatsoundedlikealowgrowl.ButthemanknewIwasright.
“Look.You’rerighttobeworriedaboutyourfriend.He’snottellingyouoranyoneeverythingaboutwhathe’sgoingthrough.Thatincludesme,becausewebarelyknoweachother.Andwhathehastoldmestaysbetweenmeandhim,becauseunlikesomeothersatthistable,Iknowhowtorespecttheprivacyofothers.Yes,Ispentthenightathisplacelastnight.No,wedidn’thavesex.I’mnottellingyouthatbecauseIthinkit’syourbusiness.Becauseit’snot.”
“Whyareyoutellingme?”
“BecauseIknowwhatit’sliketohavepeoplesoworriedaboutyoutheydostupidthingsbehindyourback.”
ThemusclesinhisjawflexedandIwonderedwhatsorespotI’djustprodded.
“Nashisagoodguy,whichautomaticallymakeshimnotmytype.Butthatdoesn’tmeanIwon’tmakeanexception.”
“You’renothelpingyourcase.”
“I’mnotbuildingacase,”Itoldhim.“Idon’tgiveashitwhatyouthinkaboutme.YouthinkI’mtheprobleminthesituationbutit’snotme.It’syou.”
“I’mnottheonepositioningmyselftotakeadvantage—”
“I’llstopyoutherebeforeyoumakemeangry.IfyouthinkthatI’mtakingadvantageofyourfriendorthathe’skeepingthingsfromyou,youhavetwochoices.”
“Andwhatmightthosebe?”
“Youeithertrustyourfriendtohandlehimselforyouhavethisconversationwithhim.Attheveryleast,havethedecencytohavehisbacktohisface.”
Lucian’sfrownwasdownrightchilling,butIhadtheheatoftempertoprotectme.
“Youcouldn’tpossiblyunderstandourhistory,”hesaidcoolly.
“Oh,butIcould.You’regoodatcollectinginformation?Well,I’mgoodatreadingpeople.Youthreegrewuptogetherwithouteverreallygrowingallthewayup.Knoxtriedtohidefromlovesohe’dnevergethurtagain.Nashdoesn’ttrusteitheroneofyouenoughtohavehisbacksohe’snotgoingtotalktoyouaboutwhat’sgoingoninhishead.Andyou…Well,let’ssavethatforanotherday.”
“Let’snot.”
Ishrugged.“Fine.Youaskedforit.You’reashadowypoliticalconsultantwhohasbeenlinkedtothedownfallofseveralprominentmenandwomeninournation’scapital,nottomentiontheforcebehindtheriseofseveralothers.‘Machiavellian’isthewordmostoftenwhisperedinyourdirection.Andyoulikeit.Youlikethatpeoplefearyou.I’mguessingbecauseyouhadthetasteoffearonceanditmadeyoufeelpowerless.Sonowyou’vegotthepowertopullallthestringsyouwant.Butyou’restillnothappy.”
Hiseyesnarrowed.
“Youallowyourselfonecigaretteadayprobablyjusttoprovethatnothinghasaholdonyou.You’reloyaltoyourfriendsandIgetthesensethatyou’ddoanythingforthem.Andthat‘anything’definitelydoesn’tendonthissideofthelaw.ButwouldyouwantKnoxorNash‘handling’thingsforyoubehindyourback?”
“Thisisdifferent,”heinsisted.
“You’dliketothinkitis,butit’snot,”Isaid.“LetmeputitintermsthatIthinkyou’llappreciate.Theamountoftimeandenergyyou’vewastedgoingbehindyourfriend’sbacktryingto‘fix’thingsforhimcouldhavebeensavedwithaten-minuteconversation.Imaginehowmanypoliticiansyoucouldruinorcityblocksyoucouldbuyifyoudidn’thavetohuntdowninnocentwomentovaguelythreatenthem.”
Hisstonyexpressionchangednotoneiota,butIstillcaughtit.Aflickerofsomethinglikeamusementinhisicyeyes.“I’dneverapplytheterm‘innocent’toyou,andmythreatsweremoreovertthanvague.”hesaid.
“Semantics,”Isaidbreezily.
Hewatchedmefinishmysalad.“Isuggestwekeepthisconversationbetweenthetwoofus.”
Keepingsecrets.ItwaswhatIdid.OnlyI’dbeeninNash’sshoesbefore.Myparentshadn’ttrustedmetohandleanythingbad.Ihatedhowitfelttohavepeoplediscussingmywell-beingbehindmybackasifIweren’tstrongenoughtotakepartinmyownlife.IguessedNashwouldfeelthesame.
“Whichoneofusareyoutryingtoprotect,Luce?CanIcallyouLuce?”
“Ihopeyou’renotouttohurtmyfriend,Lina.BecauseI’dhatetohavetodestroyyourlife.”
“Lookingforwardtoseeingyoutry.Nowgoannoysomeoneelse.”SIXTEEN
APAIROFTHANK-YOUS
Nash
IloopedPiper’sleasharoundmyhandandgrabbedoneofthetwobouquetsoutofmyvehicle’scupholder.
“Comeon,Pipe.Quickstop.”
WegotoutonthestreetjustasNolanpulleduptothecurbbehindme.Ithrewhimasarcasticsalute,whichhereturnedwithahalf-heartedmiddlefinger.
Iwasactuallyalmoststartingtoliketheguy.
Piperledthewayupthewalktotheduplex.Itwasatwo-storybrick-and-vinylbuilding.Bothunitshadasmallfrontporchandflowerboxes.
Iheadedupthethreestepstothedoorontheleft.Therewasagray-and-whitecatcrammedupagainstthescreeninthefrontwindow.Classicalmusicfilteredouttome.Igavetheskepticalcatawave,thenIstabbedthedoorbell
Pipersatatmyfeet,hertailwaggingwithenthusiasm.Itwasn’tasannoyingasIthoughtitwouldbe,havingheratworkwithme.Herroutinedemandsforattentionkeptmefromspacingoutoverpaperwork.Andwhileshewasn’tcomfortableenoughtoletanyoftheotherofficerspetheryet,shehadstartedtakinghourlytripsaroundthebullpenonceshefiguredouttheyhadtreatsforherintheirpockets.
Footstepssoundedontheothersideofthedooralongwithanannoyed,“I’mcoming.I’mcoming.Holdyourdamnhorses.”
Thedooropenedandthereshewas.Myguardianangel.
XandraRempalskihadthick,curlyhair.Itwasblackwithstrandsofvioletwoventhroughout.Sheworeithalfupinalopsidedtopknotwhiletherestcascadedpasthershoulders.Shehadtanskinandbrowneyesthatwentfromannoyedtocurioustorecognition.
Insteadofscrubs,shewaswearingadenimapronwithhandtoolsandloopsofwirestuffedinthepockets.Long,silverearringsmadeupofdozensofinterconnectedhoopsdangledfromherears.HernecklacedrippedwithtinychainsthatformedaVbetweenhercollarbones.Itremindedmeofchainmail.
“Hi,”Isaid,suddenlyfeelingstupidIhadn’tdonethisalongtimeago
“Hiyourself,”shereplied,leaningagainstthedoorframe.
Thecatlazilythreadeditswaybetweenherbarefeet.Pipercoweredbehindmybootsandpretendedshewasinvisible.
“Idon’tknowifyourememberme—”
“ChiefNashMorgan,ageforty-one,twogunshotwoundstotheshoulderandtorso,Onegative,”sherattledoff.
“Iguessyoudorememberme.”
“It’snoteverynightagirlfindsthechiefofpolicebleedingoutonthesideoftheroad,”shesaid,flashingmeaquickgrin.
Piperchancedapeekaroundmyboots.Thetubbytabbyhissed,thenploppeditsassdowninthedoorwayandstartedlickingitsbutthole.
“Don’tmindGertrudetheRude,”Xandrasaid.“She’sgotattitudefordaysandnosenseofpropriety.”
“Theseareforyou,”Isaid,shovingthebouquetofsunflowersather.“Ishouldhavecomebyearliertothankyou.Butthingshavebeen…”
Shelookedupfromtheflowers,thesmilefadingtoasympatheticgrimace.“It’stough.Seeingitonshiftisn’teasy.I’msurelivingthroughitisnopicnic.”
“FeellikeIshouldbekindofimmunetoit,”Iconfessed,lookingdownatPiper,whohadonceagaingluedherselftothebackofmylegs.
Xandrashookherhead.“Whenyoustartbeingimmunetoit,that’swhenit’stimetogetout.It’sthehurt,thecaringthatmakesusgoodatourjobs.”
“Howlonghaveyoubeenintheemergencydepartment?”
“SinceIgraduatedwithmyRN.Eightyears.Neveradullmoment.”
“Everwonderhowlongyoucanaffordtocare?”
Hersmilewasback.“Idon’tworryaboutthingslikethat.It’sonedayatatime.Aslongasthegoodbalancesoutthebad,I’mreadyforthenextday.It’snevergonnabeeasy.Butwearen’tdoingthisforease.We’redoingittomakeadifference.Thingslikethis?Athank-youfromoneoftheoneswhomadeit?Thatgoesalongway.”
Ishouldhavegottenheracard.
Orsomethingthatwouldlastlongerthanapileofsunflowers.
ButIhadnothingbutwords.SoIgaveherthose.“Thankyouforsavingmylife,Xandra.I’mnevergonnabeabletopayyoubackforthat.”
Shehitchedthebouquetuponherhip.Herearringscaughtthelightandglittered.“That’swhyyoujustkeeppayin’itforward,Chief.Onedayatatime.Keepdoinggood.Keepbalancingthosescales.”
IhopedtohellremovingDiltonfromdutywasastepinthatdirection.Becauserightnow,likeeverythingelseIdid,itfeltlikenotnearlyenough.
“I’lldomybest.”
“Youknow,havingsomethingbesidesthejobhelps.Somethinggood.Me?Idateinappropriatemenandmakejewelry,”shesaid,sweepingahandoverherapronfulloftools.
Rightnow,IfeltlikeIdidn’thaveadamnthingbesidesaneedyfosterdogandaholeortwothatwouldneverbehealed.
Therewasaresoundingcrashnextdoorfollowedbyaloud,longwail.Ijolted,myhandautomaticallymovingtomyserviceweapon.
“Don’t,”Xandracautionedbriskly.Shestowedtheflowersandthecatinsideandmadeamovetopushpastme.
“Youneedtogetinside,”Iinsisted,nearlytrippingoverPiperasIhurrieddownthesteps.Nolanwashustlingupthewalk,hisholsterunsnapped.
“Wait!It’smynephew.He’snonverbal,”Xandraexplained,followingmenextdoor.
Thedetailsofherstatementcamebacktome.She’dbeenrunninglatetoworkbecauseshe’dstayedtohelphersistercalmhernephew.
IpausedandsharedalookwithNolan.Iletherpassmeonthesteps.
“Hehasautism,”shesaid,lettingherselfinhersister’sfrontdoor.
“Keepthedog,”Isaid,tossingPiper’sleashtoNolanandfollowingherinside.
Mybloodwasstillpumping,focusstillnarrowed.Inthemiddleofthegraylivingroomcarpetwasaman—no,aboy—curledonhisside,handscoveringhisearsasherockedandhowledwithapainonlyhecouldfeel.Nexttohimwerethesplinteredremainsofatoybrickcastle.
“Thecops?Really,Xan?”AwomanbearingastrikingresemblancetoXandrakneltjustoutofrangeoftheviolentkicksfromtheboy’slong,ganglylegs.
“Veryfunny,”Xandrasaiddryly.“I’llgettheblinds.”
“CanIdoanything?”IaskedcautiouslyasXandraquietlyclosedthecurtainsonthefrontwindows.
“Notyet,”Xandra’ssistersaidoverherson’splaintivescreams.“Wehaveadoctor’sappointmentinanhour.Hisheadphonesarecharging.”
Istoodinsidethedoorfeelinghelplesswhilethetwowomenworkedintandemtomaketheroomdarker,quieter.Aprotocol,Irealized.
Thewailssoonquietedandtheboy’smotherslidaweightedkindofcapeoverhisshoulders.
Beforelong,hesatup.Hewastallforhisage,withdarkskinandthespindlylimbsofearlypuberty.
Heglancedattheruinedcastleandletoutalowmoan.
“Iknow,buddy,”hismothersaid,carefullyslidinganarmaroundhisshoulders.“It’sokay.We’llfixit.”
“Amy,thisisChiefMorgan,”Xandrasaid.“Chief,thisismysisterAmyandmynephewAlex.”
“Chief,”AmysaidassherockedAlexinherarms.
“Hi.IjustcamebytothankXandrafor…”
“Savingyourlife?”shepromptedwithasmallsmile.
“Yeah.That.”
“Sorryforthedisturbance,”shesaid,acceptingthebookXandrahandedtoher.
“Noapologiesnecessary.”
“Andyouwereworriedhowwellyourfirstinteractionwiththecopswouldgo,”Xandrateasedhersister.
Amy’slipsquirkedagainbeforeshepressedakisstothetopofherson’sheadandbegantoread.
“That’sanotherstrategy.Laughevenwhenthingsaren’tfunny,”Xandrasaid,handingmeafabrictote.
WithAlexshootinglooksofconcerninmydirection,Ididmyjobandhelpedrestoreorder,brickbybrick.
Whentheroomwascleanandthestorywasover,InoddedtoAmyandfollowedXandratothedoor.Alexgottohisfeetandslowlycrossedtous.Hewastallandbroad-shouldered,andthegripofhishandonmyarmwasstrong.Buttherewasasweet,little-boysmileonhisfaceashelookedatmychest.
“Hedoesn’tbelieveinpersonalspace,”Xandrawarnedinamusement.
Alexreachedoutandtracedafingerovermybadge,pointtopointtopoint.Afterhe’dtracedthestartwice,henoddedandreleasedme.
“Nicetomeetyoutoo,Alex,”Itoldhimsoftly.
Withmyarmsfull,Igavethedoortwolightkicksandwaited.
ItopenedsecondslaterandeverythinginmewentwarmwhenIsawher.Linaworeleggingsinadarkpurple.Hersweaterwasafleecyivorythatstoppedaninchabovethewaistofherpants.Awidetie-dyeheadbandheldherhairback.Shewasbarefoot.
“Evenin’,”Isaid,strollingacrossthethresholdanddroppingakissonhercheek.Piperfollowedmeinandmadeabeelineforthecouch.
“Well,hello.Uh,what’sallthis?”sheasked,closingthedoorbehindme.
Iduckedintothekitchenanddumpedthebagsonthecounter.“Dinner,”Isaid.
Sheappearedinthedoorway.“Thatdoesn’tlookliketheThaitakeoutIwasgoingtoorder.”
“Notonlybeautifulbutsmart.”Ipluckedthewildflowersoutofoneofthegrocerytotes.“Vase?”
Shegesturedatthebarecountertops.“DoIlooklikeIhaveavaselyingaround?”
“We’llmakedo.”IstartedopeningcabinetdoorsuntilIfoundanuglyplasticpitcher.Ifilleditwithwater,thenshreddedtheplasticaroundtheflowers.“Wildflowersbecausetheyremindedmeofyou,”Iexplained.Andbecausethelilyofthevalleyremindedmeofmymom.
Linashotmeoneofthosecomplicatedwomanlooksbeforegivinginandburyingherfaceintheflowers.
“Thisisverysweetofyou.Sweetbutunnecessary,”shesaid.
Inoticedshewasgivingmeawideberthinthetinyspace.Itwascutethatshethoughtshecouldrebuildthosewallsthathadcomedownthenightbefore.
“Mindgettin’PipeabowlofwaterwhileIstarttheprep?”
Shehesitatedforasecond,thenopenedacabinetandfoundanemptytakeoutbowl.“Youreallydon’thavetocookmedinner.Iwasaminuteawayfromorderingfood,”shesaidassheturnedthewateroninthesink.
“Ihadalongday,”IsaidconversationallyasIpulledabottleofwine,acorkscrew,andtwoglassesoutofoneofthebags.“Andthankstoyou,forthefirsttimeinalongwhile,Ihadtheenergytodealwithit.”Iopenedthewinewithapopandsetthebottleaside.
“Iheardsomethingwentdownwithoneofyourofficers,”sheadmitted,settingthewaterdishonthefloor.“Mrs.Tweedysaidyoucaughtoneofyourguysstealingcounterfeitbillsoutofevidenceaftertheyspentitatastripclub.”
“Iwish,”Isaid.
Piperappearedinthedoorwaywithasportsbrainhermouth.Shespitthebraoutinthebowlanddrankaroundit
“Comeon,Pipe.Stopeatin’laundry.”Isnatchedupthebra.“Ibelievethisisyours.”
Linatookthebraandthrewitonthecounternexttothebroccoli.
“ThenNeeceyallbuttackledmeonthesidewalkinfrontofDino’s,”Linasaid,hoppinguptoperchonthecounter.“Shetoldmeyouheadbuttedthatno-goodTateDiltoninthecandyaisleofthegrocerystore.”
“Iworryaboutthistown’slanguagecomprehensionsometimes.”
Shesmirked.“Neeceyalsosaidsheheardthatyoutwowrestledintoacannedsouppyramidandthatthestoremanagerfoundtwocansofminestroneallthewayoverinthefreezersection.”
“Ifyoupour,I’lltellyouthereal,muchlesseventfulstory.”
“Deal.”
Ifilledherinonmyday.Allofit.Itfeltgood.Toshareakitchen.Tosharemyday.Linaseemedgenuinelyinterested.ShesatonthecounterandwetalkedasIsautéedchicken,peppers,andonions.Piperjoineduswithanendlessparadeoftoysandlaundry.
IhadtostopmyselfoveradozentimesfrommovingbetweenLina’slegs,sendingmyhandsslidingupherthighs,andgoinginforthosepretty,redlips
ThisconnectionIfeltwasreal,tangible,anddeep,butIdidn’tknowhowdeepitwentforher.AndIwasn’tabouttoscareheroffwiththelevelofmyneedforher.
“Whyaretherepajamapantsinthisbag?IsthissomenewagedessertIdon’tknowabout?”sheasked,pokingaroundinthelasttote.
“Yeah,aboutthat,”Ibegan.
“Nash.”Mynamewasagentlewarningonthoselips.
“Iknowlastnightwassupposedtobeaone-timething.IknowyoutookpityonmebecauseIwasafuckingmess.”Iturnedtheburneroffunderthechickenandpoppedthelidonthepanbeforeturningtoher.“IalsoknowIhaven’tsleptthatwellin…maybeever.”
“Wecan’tkeepdoingthis,”shesaidsoftly.
IwipedmyhandonthedishtowelI’dbroughtandthendidwhatI’dbeendyingtodo.Isteppedbetweenherkneesandslidmyhandsupherthighstorestonherhips.
Herhandsplantedonmyshouldersandstayedthere.Notpushing.Notpulling.
Itwasanintimateposition.AndIwantedmoreasmybloodwentfromwarmtosimmeringinaheartbeat.
“Look,Iknowit’snotfairtoaskyou.Tomakeyouresponsibleforthispieceofmywell-being.ButI’mdesperate.Ineedyou,Angelina.”
“WhydoyoucallmeAngelina?”
Igaveherhipsasqueeze.“It’syourname.”
“Iknowthat.ButnoonecallsmeAngelina.”
“It’sabeautifulnameforabeautiful,complicatedwoman.”
“You’requitethecharmer.I’llgiveyouthat.Flowers.Dinner.Sweetness.Buthowlongarewegoingtoplaythisgame?”
“Baby,it’snotagametome.Thisismylife.YouaretheonlythinginmyentireexistencethatmakesmefeellikeI’vegotashotatfindingmywayback.Idon’tunderstandit.AndfranklyIdon’tneedto.AllIknowisIfeelbetterwhenI’mtouchingyou.WhenIwokeupthismorning,Ididn’tfeellikeaghostorashadow.Ifeltgood.”
“Ifelt…uh…goodtoo,”sheconfessed,notquitemeetingmyeyes.“Butwe’replayingwithfirehere.Imean,soonerorlater,you’regoingtogetoverlyattachedandI’llhavetodestroyyourfragilemanheart.Nottomentionthefactthatwebasicallywokeupdryhumping.”
Igrinned.“That’swhyIbroughtpants.Withadrawstring.”
“ThisisnotthekindofpeerpressureTVmoviespreparedmefor.‘Hey,Lina.SleepsnugglewithmesoIcanfeelaliveagain,’”shesaid,fakingadeepbaritone.
Igaveherhipsanothersqueezeandpulledheraninchclosertome.“‘There’snothingI’dratherdothangotobedandnothavesexwithyou,Nash,’”Isaidinabreathy,MarilynMonroeimitation.
Sheblewoutanaggrievedsigh.“It’sannoyinghowcuteyouare.”
“Annoyingenoughthatyou’regonnaletmesleepwithyoutonight?”
Shesqueezedmyshouldersandbroughtherforeheadtomine.“I’mreallytryingtomakebetterdecisions,butyouarenotmakingthateasy.”
Igaveintotemptationandkissedhernose.
“Ugh.You’reimpossible!”shecomplained.
“Whatwaswrongwithyourpreviousdecisions?”
Shebitherlip.
“NeedIremindyouthatI’vebeendisgustinglyvulnerablewithyoufor,what,forty-eighthoursnow?Ijustspenttwentyminutestellin’youallaboutmyday.It’syourturn.Giveandtake.Talk,Angel.”
Shewrinkledhernose.“Idon’tlikesharing.EspeciallynotwhenIdon’tcomeoutlookinggood.”
“Irepeat.Fetalpositionatthefootofthestairs.”
“Iwasleadingateamduringanoperation.Wehadtomakeaquick,unplannedexitoffaroofwhenourthiefcamehomeearly.Ididn’tknowtheguyIwaswithwasafraidofheights.Imadethejumpandlandedinthecanal.WhenIlookedback,hewasstillstandingtherefrozen.Iyelled,andhepanickedandlandedonhisassonthehoodofacar.”
“Ouch,”Isaid,decidingIdidn’tneedtoknowexactlywhatdangerrequiredanescapebyroof.
“Hebrokehistailbone,sohewaslucky.ButIshouldhaveknownbetter.Attheveryleast,Ishouldn’thaveforcedhimtotaketherisk.”
Herfingerstracedtinycirclesonmychest.
“Thethingis,therearerewardsfordoingmyjobwell.Bonuses,status,thethrillofthechase.Beingtheheroandbringinghomethewin.Inmycompany,aggressivetacticsarepraised.IgotabonusandLewisgotabustedass.IrealizedthatasgoodasIam,sometimesitjustcomesdowntoluck.AndIdon’twanttocountonthatforever.”
“Minusthemoneypart,Igetthat.”ItgalledmethatIwashereinthiskitchenbecauseofluck.
“It’smoreheroictobeaheroforsomethingotherthanabig,fatpaycheck,”shesaid.
“Howbigandfatarewetalkin’?”Iteased.
Hersmilewasfeline.“Why?Youhaveaproblemmakingalotlessthanyouremotionalsupportbedbuddy?”
“No,ma’am.Idonot.Justcurioushowmuch‘alotless’is.”
“Ihaveabrokerageaccountandawalk-inclosetfullofverynicedesignerduds.ThatsexyChargeroutthereintheparkinglot?Ipaidforitincashwithlastyear’sbonus.”
Iletoutalowwhistle.“Can’twaittoseewhatyougetmeformybirthday.”
“Ifmemoryserves,youandyourbrotherbarelyspokeforyearsbecausehegaveyoumoney.”
“Nowthat’sadirtylie,”Isaid,pickingupmywine.“Webarelyspokeforyearsbecauseheforcedmoneyonme,toldmewhattodowithit,thendidn’tlikewhatIchosetodoinstead.”
“Well,inthatcase,TeamNash,”shesaid.
“FiguredI’dgetyouthere.”
“WhatexactlydidKnoxwantyoutodowiththemoney?”
“Retire.”
Hereyebrowsskyrocketed.“Retire?Why?”
“HehatesthatIgrewupandbecameacop.Wehadourfairshareofbrusheswiththelawgrowingup.Knoxneveroutgrewhisdistrustofauthority.He’smellowedsome.Buthestilllikestodabbleinthegrayarea.LikethoseillegalpokergamesI’mnotsupposedtoknowabout.”
“Whataboutyou?Whyaren’tyoustilldabblinginthegray?”
“Ifyouaskmybrother,itwasa‘fuckyou’tohimandourchildhood.Usagainsttheman.”
“Butthat’snotthetruth.”
Ishookmyhead.“Ithought,insteadofoperatingoutsidethesystem,whynotmakechangeswithinit?Ourscrapeswiththelawwereprettyminor.ButLucian?Noonewastheretoprotectorservehim.Hewasthrowninjailatseventeenandsatthereforaweek,whichnevershouldahappened.That’swhatchangedforme.Noamountofhell-raisingandlawbreakingwasgoingtohelphimoutofthatjam.Andallitwouldhavetakenwasforonegoodcoptodotherightthing.”
“Soyou’reouttheredoingyourjobforallthefutureLucians,”shesaid.
Ishrugged,feelingalittleembarrassed.“Andthefreeuniform.Rumorhasitthepantsmakemybuttlookgood.”
LinagrinnedandIfeltthatwarmcampfire-likeglowinmychest.“Oh,StudlyDo-Right,thatrumorhasbeensubstantiated.Itisofficialfact.”
“StudlyDo-Right?”
“Somethingaroundtownyoudon’talreadyknow?”sheteased.
Iclosedmyeyes.“Tellmethat’snotmynickname.”
Sheflutteredthoselonglashesatme.“But,Nash,Iknowhowimportanthonestyistoyou.”
“Christ.”SEVENTEEN
PILLOWTALK
Lina
“Soyouwentfromahigh-profile,roof-jumpingassignmentwithateamandnowyou’rehere?”Nashasked.
Wewereinmybedstaringupattheceiling.Nashwasontheleftside,closesttomybedroomdoor.Piperwascurledupsnoringinhisarmpit.I’dshovedapillowbetweenustopreventanyrepeatperformancesoflastnight.
Ihesitated,surprisedbythedesireIhadtoconfessthewholetruth,totellhimwhywewerebothlookingforthesameman.ButIsquashedit.I’dalreadycommittedtotheplan.Ididn’tneedtowasteenergysecond-guessingmyself.“Ineededsomebreathingroomtothinkthingsthrough.There’sanewjobopeningup.Moretravel.Longerjobs.It’smydreamjob.But…”Itrailedoff.
“Doesyourfamilyknowwhatyoudo?”
“TheythinkItravelthecountryprovidingcorporatetrainings.Iprefertolivemylifewithoutcarryingtheresponsibilityofotherpeople’sopinions.EspeciallyopinionsabouthowIshouldfindasafer,easierwaytomakeapaycheck.”
“Fairenough.What’sintheboxoffiles?”
“Nash,thissleepingtogetherthingonlyworksifyoushutupandgotosleep.”
“Justturningthingsoverinmyhead.”
Ididn’tlikewherethisconversationwasgoing.Itfeltlikehewasforcingmeintolittlewhitelieafterlittlewhitelie.AndIwasgettingmoreuncomfortablebytheminute.SoIdugintomyarsenalanddeployedmyfavoriteweapon:misdirection.
“IranintoLuciantoday,”Iannounced,rollingtomysidetofacehiminthedark.
“Here?”
Interesting.Sotheoverprotectivepaininmyassreallyhadn’twantedNashtoknowaboutourchat.
“No.DowninLawlervilleatadiner.”
“Lucianwaseatinginadiner?Areyousureitwashimandnotsomedoppelg?nger?”
“Hedidn’tactuallyeat.HehadcoffeewhileIate,”Itoldhim.
“Whatdidyoutwotalkabout?”
“Don’ttellmeStudlyDo-Rightisjealous,”Iteased,reachingoverthepillowtoticklehim.Nashcapturedmyhandandbroughtittohismouth.
“DamnrightIam.”Henippedatthepadofmyindexfinger.
“Wetalkedaboutyou.Ithinkhe’sworriedaboutyou.”
HewassilentforabeatandIcouldfeelhisworrybuildinginthedark.“Youdidn’ttellhimanything,didyou?”
“Ofcoursenot.Youaskedmenotto.Iassumedthere’sareasonyoutoldthestrangernextdooraboutyourpanicattacksratherthanyouroldestfriendoryourbrother.”
“We’renotstrangers,”heinsisted,placingmyhandoverhischestandholdingitthere.
“Arewe…friendsthen?”Iasked.Hischestwaswarmbeneathmytouch.
Hewasquietforalongbeat.“Feelslikemorethanthat,”headmitted.
“Butwhatkindofmore?”
Let’sseehowyoulikeannoying,uncomfortablequestions,Mister.
“ThekindofmorethatifIwereinbettershape,you’dbenakedandtheresureashellwouldn’tbeapillowbetweenus.”
“Oh.”
“Oh?That’sallyou’vegottosay?”
“Fornow.”
Analarmrangshrilly,yankingmefromayummydreamaboutme,Nash,andsometastefulnuditythatdefinitelyseemedtobeleadingsomewherehot.
AlowgrowlcamefrombeneathmeandforasecondIworriedI’drolledoveronthedoginmysleep.
ButPiperwasalotfurrierandmuchsmallerthanwhatevermyheadwasrestingon.Thealarmstoppedandthegrowlturnedtoayawn.Awarmhandstrokedupmyouterthightomyhip.Meanwhile,myinnerthighwascuddlingthehelloutofanerection.
“You’vegottobekiddingme,”Igroaned.
“Youjumpedthefence,Angel,”Nashsaid,smugandsleepy.
IwaslyingontopofthepillowI’dshovedbetweenus.MyheadandhandrestedonNash’sbroadchest.Mylegwasthrownacrosshis…er…penilearea.
“Thisisgettingdownrightembarrassing,”Imuttered.
Itriedtopullaway,todotherollofshamebacktomysideofthebed.Buthisarmsbandedaroundme.Withonequicktug,Iwassprawledontopofhimchesttochest,grointogroin.
Holyhallelujahhotness.
“Leastmypantsstayedon,”hesaidcheerfully.
“It’snotfunny,”Igroused.Iwasnotacuddler,andnoman,especiallynotonedependingonmetobehisemotionalsupportwhatever,wasgoingtochangethat.
“Oh,honey,Iagree.There’snothingfunnyaboutwhereyou’resitting.”Hishard-ontwitchedagainstme,causingmyvaginatothrowatempertantrumatbeingdeniedbytheshortsI’dinsistedonwearingtobed.
Imadearespectableattempttogetoffhim,buttheensuingflailingandfrictiononlyturnedmeonmore.
Nash’shandscametomyhips.“Calmdown,Angel.”Hisvoicewasgruff,andhesoundedmuchlesssleepyandmuchmorearousedasthosehandsheldmeinplace.
Meanwhile,Iwedgedmyhandsandarmsbetweenustogetasmuchdistanceaspossible.Myorgasmwasonahairtrigger,andifhegavesomuchasonelittlethrustinthatdirection,therewouldbenohidingit.
“God,you’regorgeousinthemorning,”hesaid,pushingapieceofhairoffmyforehead.“BestwayIeverwokeup.”
Itwasthesecond-bestwayforme,yesterdaybeingthebest.ButIsureashellwasn’tgoingtosharethatnuggetwithhim.
“Stopbeingsweet,”Isaid.
Butthoseblueeyes,softanddreamy,drewmein.Iwasn’tfightingformyfreedomanymore.Iwashoveringoverhim,eyeslocked,mouthstooclosetomakegooddecisions.
Hebroughthisotherhandup.Hisfingersdancedalongmyjawlineandskimmedintomyhair.“Gonnakissyounow,Angelina.”
“Hellno.”ThatwaswhatIshouldhavesaid.Or“Ithinkthisisabadideaandweshouldtakesometimetoconsidertheconsequences.”AttheveryleastIcouldhavesaidIneededtobrushmyteethandthenIcouldhavelockedmyselfinthebathroomuntilmyladypartswisedup.
InsteadInoddedstupidlyandsaid,“Yeah.Okay.”
Butjustashesurgedup,justwhenallIcouldseewerethoseblueeyescominginhot,justwhenmylipsparted,thepoundingatmyfrontdoorstarted.
Piperstartledatthefootofthebedandletoutseveralshrillyips.
Nashfrowned.“Youexpectin’someoneat6:00a.m.?”
“No.Youdon’tthinkit’sMrs.Tweedytryingtogetmetogotothegym,doyou?”Iwasn’tabovehidingunderthebed.
Thepoundingstartedagain.
“She’sshort.Sheknocksloweronthedoor.”
Notgoingtolie,Ifeltatwingeofreliefthatitprobablywasn’tmyelderlyneighborlookingtokickmyassatthegymagain.
“Stayhere,”Nashordered,slidingmeoffhimandontothebed.
“Likehell.Thisismyplace.Whoever’sknockingislookingforme.”
“Thenwon’titbeafunsurpriseforthemwhentheyfindmeinstead?”hesaid,soundinglesslikeasleepyloverandmorelikeahard-edgedcop.
Igrabbedmyrobeandhurriedafterhim.“Nash!”Ihissed.“MaybeIdon’twantwhoever’sontheothersideofthatdoortoknowthatwespentthenighttogetheragain.”
“Toolate,”camethedeep,annoyedbaritonefromtheothersideofthedoor.
NashyankedthedooropenandLucian,lookinglikehe’dbeenupforhoursalready,strolledinsideinanotheroneofthosebespokesuits.
“You’vegottobekiddingme,”Imuttered.
“Doyousleepinasuit?”Nashaskedhim.
“Idon’tsleep,”hequipped.
MyvaginahatedLucianRollins.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Idemanded.
“Takingyouradvice,”hesaidwithalittlesizzletohistone.“Comeon,Nash.We’regoingtobreakfast.”
“Nooffense,Lucy,butIwasinthemiddleofsomethingthatI’dmuchratherbedoingthangrabbingeggswithyou.”
Lucianshotmealookthatwouldhaveincineratedaweakerwoman.“You’refreetogetbacktoitafterI’vesaidmypiece.”
“Ineedcoffee,”Imutteredandheadedforthekitchen.
“Iwarnedyou,”Luciancalledafterme.
“Yeah?AndIwarnedyouback.”Itossedhimamiddlefingerovermyshoulder.
“Warnedher?Whatthehellisthis,Lucy?”Nashdemanded.
“Weneedtotalk,”Luciansaid.“Getdressed.”
“I’llhandlethedog,”Icalled.“Youhandleyourpain-in-the-assfriend.”EIGHTEEN
EGGSBENEDICTFORASSHOLES
Nash
Iwasnotinthemoodforbreakfastfoodorthecheerfulpopmusiconthediner’sspeakers.Fortheseconddayinarow,Ihadn’twokenupwiththathorriblecrunchingsoundechoinginmyhead.
Instead,I’dwokenuptoLina.Andmyassholefriendhadruinedit.
“Where’syourmarshalshadow?”myassholefriendasked.
“Probablystillinbed.WhereIshouldbe.Youinterruptedsomething.”
“Youshouldbethankingme.”
“Haveyoulostyourfuckingmind?”Isaidjustastheserverapproached.
“Icangiveyouanotherminute,”hesaidhesitantly.
“Coffee.Black.Please,”IaddedasIslidmymenutotheedgeofthetableandglaredatLucian.
“We’llbothhavethesmokedsalmoneggsBenedictwithyogurtandberries,”mycockblockingfriendsaid.
“Surething,”thekidsaidbeforehehustledaway.
Lucianhadawayofintimidatingandimpressingpeople.Oftenbothatthesametime.Today,however,hewasonlypissingmeoff.
Iscrubbedahandovermyface.“Whatthehellisgoingonwithyou?”
“I’mheretoaskyouthatveryquestion,”hesaid,frowningdownathisphonebeforetuckingitintohissuitjacket.
“You’relikeavampirewhostaysupplottinghowtocockblockhisbestfriends.”
“You’vespenttwonightsinbedwithherand—”
“HowdoyouknowIspenttwonightsinbedwithher?”Iinterrupted.
“Twonightsinbedwithwho?”Mybrotherslidintotheboothnexttomelookingpissedoffandlikehe’djustrolledoutofbed.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Idemanded.
Heyawnedandsignaledforcoffee.“Lucycalled.Saiditwasimportant.Twonightsinbedwithwho?”
“I’mnottalkingaboutit.Andhowinthefuckdoyouknowwhatmysleepingarrangementsare?”Iasked,turningbacktoLucian.
“Informationfindsitswaytome.”
“IsweartoGod,ifMrs.Tweedyislisteningatmydoorwithadrinkingglass—”
“Whatthehellisgoingonwithyoutwo?”mybrothercutin.
Theserverreturnedwithcoffeeforall.
“CanIgetyouanythingforbreakfast?”heaskedKnox.
“MaybeafterIfindoutwhomybrother’stakingtobed.”
“Jesus.It’snobody’sbusinesswhoI’mtakingtobed.WhatIwanttoknowiswhyinthehellLucianshowedupatLina’sdooratsixinthemorninganddraggedmeoutofbedforfuckingbreakfast.”
“YouwereatLina’satsixinthemorning?”Knoxdidn’tsoundhappyaboutthat.
“Frankly,Iwouldn’thavehadtobethereifmylunchwithyourbedmatehadgonebetteryesterday,”Luciansaid,soundingannoyed.
Iwasconsideringlungingacrossthetableandgrabbinghimbythelapelsofhisfancy-asssuitwhentheserverwiselydecidedtodisappear.
“Whyarewehere?WhatareyoudoinghavinglunchwithLina?AndwhatthefuckdoesthathavetodowithyousuddenlyhavingahankeringforeggsBenedict?”
“WhythefuckwereyouatLina’sat6:00a.m.?Andtheanswerbetternotbethatshe’stheoneyou’rebanging,”Knoxsnarled.
Luciancockedaneyebrowatmeandpickeduphismug.“Shetoldyouwehadlunch,butshedidn’ttellyouwhy?Interesting.”
“Noneofthisisinterestingtome.Eithergettothepointorgetoutofmyway,”Isaid.
“Ifsomeonedoesn’tstartansweringquestions,I’mgonnastartthrowin’punches,”Knoxwarned.
“Thingsaren’trightwithhim,”Luciansaid,pointingtome.“Theyhaven’tbeensincetheshooting.”
“Nofuckingshit,Sherlock.Someassholeputtwoholesinme.Ittakesawhiletocomebackfromthat.”
“Yousaythatasifyou’retrying.”
Awhite-hotangerclaweditswaytolifeundermyskin.Nexttome,mybrothertensed.
“Fuckyou,Lucy,”Isaid.“Iamtrying.I’mdoingmyPT.I’mgoingtothegym.I’mgoingtowork.”
Heshookhishead.“Physically,you’rehealing.Butmentally?You’renotthesame.Youhideit.Butthecracksarestartingtoshow.”
“I’mgonnaneedsomethingstrongerthancoffeeifwe’rehavingthisconversation,”Knoxmuttered.
Ipickedupmycoffeeandconsideredwhippingitathim.“Gettothepoint,Lucy.”
“Youdon’tneeddistractions.Youneedclosure.Youneedtoremember.YouneedtofindHugo.Andyouneedtogethimoffthestreet.”
“GettingHugooffthestreetdoesn’tchangeadamnthingaboutwhat’salreadyhappened.Andhowthehellisrememberingwhathappenedgoingtoputmebacktogetheragain?”
Didthatblankspotinmymemoryholdthekey?IfIfinallyrememberedhowitfelttofacedeath,wouldIbereadytoliveagain?Wasn’tthatpartofwhatIwasstrugglingwith?Icouldputcriminalsbehindbars,butthatdidn’tundowhatthey’dalreadydone.Icouldstopthemfromdoingitagain,butIcouldn’tpreventthefirst.
Imusthaveraisedmyvoicebecausethecoupleatthetablenexttousturnedtolookatme.
“Ican’tbelieveyougotmeoutofbedwithNaomiforthis,”Knoxcomplained.
“Samehere.”
“YourbrotherwasinbedwithLina,”Luciantattled.
“Thefuckhewas.Thefuckyouwere,”Knoxsaid,swingingmyway.
“Don’tyoufuckingstart,”Iwarned.
“Itoldyoutostayawayfromher.”
“Itoldherthesame,”Luciansaid
“What?Why?”KnoxandIsnappedtogether.
“Sameteam,Knox,”Lucianremindedhim.
“Didyouthreatenher?”Iasked,myvoicelowanddangerous.
“You’redamnrightIdid.”
“Whatthefuckiswrongwithyou?Bothofyou,”mybrotherdemanded.
“She’stakingadvantageofyou,”Lucianinsisted.
“You’rereallystartingtopissmeoff,Lucy,”Iwarned.
“Good.That’sastart.”
“YouarenottogonearLinaagain,”Itoldhim.“Youcan’tfuckingthreatenpeopleonmybehalf.Especiallynother.”
“Ican’tbelieveyou’resleepingwithLinaafterItoldyounotto,”Knoxgrowled.
“Andyoucan’tburyyourheadinthesandhopingthingswillgetbetter.Yourfatherspentthelastfewdecadesnumbinghimselftolife.Whatyou’redoingisn’tmuchdifferent,”Luciansaid.
Achargedsilencefelloverourtableasweglaredateachother.
“I’mdepressed.Okay,youfuckingassholes?MylifehasbeenonebigblackholesinceIwokeupinthathospitalbed.Happynow?”ItwasthefirsttimeI’dadmitteditoutloud.Ididn’tmuchcareforit.
“DoIlookhappy?”
Tohiscredit,Lucianlookedmiserable.
“TellmewhatanyofthishastodowithLina,”mybrothersaid,hisfaceinhishands.
“Idon’tbelieveshe’sbeingtruthful.Ihaveconcernsshecouldtakeadvantageofyouwhenyou’re…likethis.SheshowsupintownadaybeforeHugomadeamoveonNaomiandWaylay.Shedidn’ttellyouaboutherrealjob.Shemovesinnextdoor.Andshejustsohappenstohaveahistorywiththemarshalassignedtoyou.”
“Shealsopickedmyassupoffthefloor,gotmeupstairs,andhelpedmethroughafuckingpanicattacktwonightsago.Idon’tknowwhatthefuckitisaboutherbutthecloserIamtoher,thebetterIfeel.Theeasieritistogetoutofbedandforcemyselftogothroughthemotions.SowhileIappreciateyourconcern,I’llpointoutthatshe’sbeenthereformeinawaynooneelsehasbeen.Notyou.NotKnox.Noone.”
Linamademefeellikeaman,notlikethebrokenshellofone.
Lucian’sjawtightenedbeneathhisneatlytrimmedbeard.
“TwosmokedsalmoneggsBenedicts.”Theserverappearedwithourbreakfast.
“Thanks,”IsaidflatlywhenitbecameclearLucianwasn’tgoingto.
“CanIgetyouanythingelserightnow?Morecoffee?Napkinstomopupanyfuturebloodshed?No?Okaythen.”
“She’slyingtoyou,”Lucianinsisted.“She’sherebecauseofyou.”
“Youbothneedtoshutyourdamnmouthsnow,”Knoxordered.“Linaisoneofthefuckinggoodones.”
“Youdon’ttrustherwithyourbrothereither,”Lucianpointedout.
“Becausehe’sgonnagethisstupidheartbroken,that’swhy,”mybrothersaidinexasperation.“Notbecauseshe’stakingadvantageorwhateverbullshityoumadeupinthatsuspicious-assmindofyours.Sheisn’tgonnasettledownandbeacop’swifeandchaseafterabunchofkids.Soifyougofallin’headoverheelsforherandshekicksyouinthegutonthewayoutthedoor,I’mtheonewho’sgonnahavetodealwithyourbitchingandmoaningaboutit.”
Iwasoddlytouched,butstillmostlypissedoff.
Ifacedthemboth.MybrotherandmybestfriendthoughtIwastooweaktosurvivethis.
“GonearheragainandIwillmakeyouregretit,”Isaid,myknucklesgoingwhiteonthehandleofmymug.
“I’msayin’thesamethingtoyou,”Knoxsaidtome.
“Notyourcalltomake,”Iremindedhim.
“Idon’ttrusther,”Luciansaidstubbornly.
“Yeah?AndIdidn’ttrustthatdentalhygienistyoudatedforamonththreeyearsago.”
“Youwererightnotto.Shestolemywatchandmybathrobe,”myfriendadmitted.
“Linaisn’taftermeformywatchandIdon’thaveabathrobe.”
“No.Butshe’saftersomething.Aliarcansmellalie.”
“Stoplookingintoher.”
“Ifyougetyourheadonstraight,I’llstopkeepingtabs,”Luciansaid.
WhenLucianRollinskepttabs,thatmeantheknewwhatwasinyourgarbagebeforeitwentouttothecurb.Itmeantheknewwhatyouweregoingtohavefordinnerbeforeyoudid.Themanhadagiftforinformationgathering,andIshouldn’thavebeensurprisedthathe’dwielditagainstme.Especiallyifhethoughtitwasformyowngood.
“Idon’tneedtobehearingthis.”
“Yes,youdo,”heinsisted.“I’mhearingmorerumorsthatDuncanHugodidn’trunoffwithhistailbetweenhislegs.”
“Sowhat?”Ishotback.
“You’realooseend.Adirectthreattohim.Youcan’thideintheblanksinyourmemoryforever.Ineedyoutobeoperatingatonehundredpercent.Becauseifhedoesgettoyouagain,ifhedoesmanagetotakeyouout…thatleavesmewithonlyKnoxasafriend.”
“Hilarious.”
“Fuckyou,”Knoxmuttered.
“You’retoogoodtoletthisendyou.Youneedtoclawyourwayoutofthisdarknessifnecessaryandbeathim.Andyou’renotgoingtoaccomplishthatbydistractingyourselfwithawomanyoucan’ttrust.”
“There’sasimplesolutiontothis.BothofyoustaythehellawayfromLina,”Knoxsaid.
“Fuckyouboth.”NINETEEN
KHAKIISNOTHERCOLOR
Lina
“Theusual,lovelyLina?”JusticecalledfrombehindCaféRev’scounterwhenIwalkedin.
“Yes,please.Mindifmyfurryfriendjoinsme?”Iasked,holdingupPiperinherpumpkinsweater.Thedogsniffedthecoffee-scentedairandtrembledattheexcitementoftheearlymorningrush.
Justicegrinned.“Notaproblem.I’llmakesomethingextraspecialforMissPiper.”
Ofcoursethebelovedbaristaalreadyknewthedog’sname.Andofcourseheknewmyusual.I’dbeengoingtothesamecaféaroundtheblockfrommytownhouseforthepasttwoyears,andtheystillgotmyorderandnamewrong.
“Everythingokay?”heaskedmeoverthebuzzofthebusycaféasIpaidformycoffee.
Iblinked.Thatdefinitelyneverhappenedinmycoffeeshop.
“Yeah.Sure.Totallyfine,”Isaid
Itwasabig,fatlie.
ButIwasn’tabouttoexplaintoJusticethatIwasfreakedoutbecausetherewassomethingsoirresistibleaboutNashMorganthatIwasactingcompletelyoutofcharacteraroundhim.Snuggling.Confiding.Emotionallysupportive.AndIcertainlywasn’tabouttovoicemyconcernthatLucianwasabouttoruinitalleventhoughIwasn’tsureIwanted“itall”inthefirstplace.
Theyhadbeenfriendsforyears,andifLuciansaidIwasbadnews,Nashwouldlisten.
Ishouldbehappy.Lucian’sinterferencewouldextricatemefromasituationIdidn’tknowhowtohandleandletmefocusonwhatIcameheretodo.Ishouldbeecstatic.Instead,IfeltlikethattimeI’dinsistedongoingonthatrollercoasterafterfourshotsoftequilaincollege.
“Yousure?Becauseyourfacedoesn’tsaytotallyfine,”Justicepressed
“MyfaceandIarefine,”Ipromised.“I’mjust…tryingtoworkafewthingsoutinmyhead.”
Hegrabbedamugandtwirleditaroundhisfingerbythehandle.“Sometimesthebestthingyoucandoisdistractyourselfandlettheanswercometoyou.”
Ithrewatwentyinthetipjar.“Thanks,Justice.”
Hewinked.“Grabaseat.I’llyellforyouwhenit’sready.”
IgrabbedthefirstvacanttableIsawandploppeddowninthechair.
Justicewasright.Nashwasn’tsomeoperationtoplanoutandexecute.Hewasagrown-assmanandhecouldmakehisowndecisions.Butheshouldprobablymakethemwithalltheinformation.IfItoldhimthetruthandhestillwantedtobelievethatIwasbadnews,thenitwashisloss.Notmine.
Thenwhydiditfeellikemine?Thetinyvoiceniggledinmyhead.Iwasn’tactuallyfallingfortheguy.WasI?Priortothisweekend,I’ddrunkatabarwithhimandpatchedhimupafterashootout.Webarelykneweachother.Thiswasjustacrush.Nothingmore.
“Youlooklikeyou’reamillionmilesaway,”Naomisaid,appearingwithseveralbeverages.
“Howmuchcoffeedoyoudrinkinthemorning?”Iaskedasshetooktheseatnexttome.
“Twooftheseareyours,”shesaid.SheslidalatteandapapercupofwhippedcreamwithPiper’snamewrittenonitmyway.“Youdidn’thearJusticecalling.”
Piperforgottobeterrifiedandstuckhersnoutintothewhippedcream.
“HowdidyouknowKnoxwastheone?”Iblurtedoutthequestionwithoutevenconsciouslythinkingit.
ButifNaomiwassurprisedbythequestion,shedidn’tleton.“Itwasafeeling.Somekindofmagic.Arightness,Iguess.Itdefinitelydidn’tmakeanylogicalsense.Onpaperwecouldn’tbemoreill-suitedtoeachother.Buttherewassomethingsorightabouthowitfelttobewithhim.”
Shit.Thatsounded…familiar.
Ibusiedmyselfwithahitofcaffeine.
“Butyoucan’tjustfallforsomeoneoverthecourseofafewdays,canyou?”
“Ofcourseyoucan,”shescoffed.
IwishedI’dgonetoabarinsteadofacafé.
“Buttherearelayerstoit.Youcanfallheadoverheelsforsomeoneonthesurface.Youcanfindthemattractiveandexcitingor,inKnox’scase,infuriating.Anditcanstopthere.Butthedeeperyoudig,themorepiecesyouseeofthatperson,thefurtheryoucanfall.Thatcanhappenfasttoo.”
Ithoughtaboutourlate-nightconfessions,thestrange,fragileintimacywe’dbuiltbetweenusbytrustingtheotherwiththingsnooneelseknew.IwonderedifitwouldshatterifItoldhimthefulltruth.Orwasthereaninvisiblestrengthinthatkindofhonesty?
“Orifyou’relikemeandKnox,itcantakeachiselandahammerbeforeyougetpastthe‘You’rehot.Let’shavesex’layer,”Naomiadded.
“Ilikethatlayer,”Iadmitted.
“What’snottolikeaboutthatlayer?”sheteased.
“Canthedeeperlayersevencomparetothat?”Iwasonlyhalfjoking.
Shehitmewithherfullwattagegrin.“Oh,honey.Itjustkeepsgettingbetter.Themoreyouknowandloveandrespectyourpartner,themorevulnerableyouaretogether,thebettereverythinggets.AndIdomeaneverything.”
“Thatsounds…terrifying,”Idecided.
“You’renotwrong,”sheagreed.“HaveIwaitedtheappropriateamountoftimebeforedemandingtoknowwhoismakingyoufeelthesefeelings?”
“Thisisallhypothetical.”
“Right.Becauseyou’renotsittingtherewithNash’sdog.AndyouandNashdidn’talmostsetfiretomydiningroomtablewiththesparksflyingbetweenyoutwoatdinner.AndKnoxdidn’tthrowafitaboutNashcorneringyouafterward.”
“Nothingwrongwithyourcommunicationasacouple,”Isaid.
Shestaredmedown,willingmetobreak,butIheldfast.“Ugh.Fine,”shesaid.“Butjustknowthatifyoudoneedtotalk,hypotheticallyorotherwise,I’mhere.AndI’mrootingforyou.”
“Thankyou,”Isaid,strokingahandoverPiper’swiryfur.“Iappreciatethat.”
“That’swhatfriendsarefor,”shesaidbeforeglancingatherwatch.“Ifyou’llexcuseme,it’stimeformetogoletSloanetalkmeintousingthemoneyfromthesaleofmyhouseforthegoodofthecommunitysincemyhusband-to-beabsolutelyrefusestoletmepayforthewedding,thehoneymoon,orWaylay’scollege.”
“Whynotsaveit?”
“I’msavingsomeofit.ButIusedaninheritancefrommygrandmaforthedownpaymentonthathouse,anditjustfeelsrighttoinvestthatinthefutureofsomethingIcareabout.Sloanesaysshehastheperfectcause.”Shepickeduphergallon-sizedcoffeeandstood.“Don’tforgetaboutdressshopping!”
WesaidourgoodbyesandIwatchedNaomiglideoutthedoorintothechillyautumnmorning.
IlookeddownatPiper.Shehadwhippedcreamonherdoggymustache.“IthinkIneedtotellyourdadthetruth,”Isaid.
Thedogcockedherheadandmadeanuncomfortableamountofeyecontact.
“Haveanyadviceforme?”Iasked.
Herpinktonguedartedoutandsnaggedthewhippedcreamonhersnout.
IfLucianhadn’tmanagedtoconvinceNashthatIwasascheming,manipulativefemmefataleoverbreakfast,maybeIcouldtellhimwhyIwasthereandthatIwaskinda,sortaintohimoverlunch.
“Youknow,evenifhe’sinitiallymadatme,Istillhaveyou,”Isaidtothedog.“MaybeIcanholdyouhostageandransomyouforhisforgiveness.”
Pipersneezedwhippedcreamonthetable.Itookthatasanaffirmativesign,andassoonasIfinishedmoppingupthemess,Ifiredoffatexttohim.
Me:Havetimetograblunchtoday?IhavesomethingIwanttotellyou.
Iputthephonedownandstaredatthescreen,willingthreedotstoappear.Butnonedid.
Hewasprobablybusy.Orhe’dalreadymadeuphismindthatIwasbadnewsandnoamountofbelatedhonestywouldfixthat.WhatwasIevendoing?Iwasheretodomydamnjobandfigureoutawaytostopmakingriskydecisions.
“Damnit,”Imutteredundermybreath.
Ipickedupthephoneagain.
Me:JustrealizedIdon’thavetimeforlunchsoforgetIsaidanythingaboutit.IhavesomeerrandstorunsoI’lldropPiperoffwithMrs.Tweedy.
There.Good.
Itwasthesmartmovetoenditallnow.Itdidn’tmatterwhatNashthoughtofme.Iwouldn’tbeherelongenoughtodealwiththeconsequences.
“Hello,lovely.”Tallulah,Justice’swife,appearedholdingalargetumblerofcoffeeandapastrybag.“Justwantedtotellyouifthatsexycarofyoursneedsanoilchange,bringitmyway.IloveAmericanmuscle.”
“Iwouldn’ttrustanyoneelse,”Iassuredher.
Shewinkedandleft.
Ifrozewiththemughalfwaytomymouth.
TallulahknewwhatkindofcarIdrove.Iwaspartofagrouptextwithfun,friendlywomenwhoseemedtobehell-bentonpullingmeintotheirfriendcircle.ThelocalcaféownerknewmynameandhowIlikedmycoffee.Ihadgymbuddies,grantedtheywereallmembersofAARP,butthatwasn’tslowingthemdownonthedeadlifts.
Iglancedaroundmeandrecognizedhalfadozenfaces.
IknewwheretofindallmyfavoritefoodsatthelocalgrocerystoreandrememberedtoavoidFourthStreetbetweenthreeandthreethirtywhenschoolletout.Iwasinsomeone’swedding.Iwasdog-sittingsomeone’sdog.I’dwokenuptwomorningsinarowinbedwithNash.
Withoutmenoticingit,Knockemouthadsuckedmeintoitsgravitationalfield.AnditwasuptometodecidewhetherIwantedtobreakfree.WhetherIwasbraveenoughtoseewhatthoseotherlayerswerelike.
“Well,hell,”Imutteredandpickedupmyphoneagain.
Me:Meagain.Lunchisbackonthetable.Literallyandmetaphorically.Imean,ifyou’reavailable.Hopetotalksoon.
“OhmyGod.Hopetotalksoon?”Idroppedthephoneandswipedbothhandsovermyface.“Whatiswrongwithme?Whatisthisguydoingtome?”
Piperletoutalittlewhimper.Ilookedather.“Thankyouforyourfeedback.I’mgoingtodropyouoffatMrs.Tweedy’ssoIcangotalktosomeonehorrible.”
“Well,lookwho’sback.”TinaWittlookedawfullysmugforawomaninakhakiprisonjumpsuit.
ThefirsttimeI’dmetthewoman,herresemblancetohertwinsister,Naomi,wasuncanny.ItfeltlikeIwasmeetingaliteraleviltwin.Onlyinsteadofadiabolicalgoatee,Tinasportedtheentitledattitudeofanot-so-mastermindcriminal.
“Tina,”Isaid,sittingacrossfromheronthemetalfoldingchair.
I’dbeenheretwicebeforeandleftbothtimeswithbig,fatnothing.EitherTinawasholdingontosomestrangeloyaltytowardDuncanHugoorshereallydidn’tknowanythingabout,well…anything.Seeingashowshe’drolledonherextothefeds,Iwasguessingitwasthelatter.
“Itoldyouandyourfedbuddiesfiftymilliontimes,Idon’tknowwhereDuncis.”
Itwastimetotryanewtactic.“Idon’tworkforthefeds,”Itoldher
Hereyesnarrowed.“Yousaid—”
“IsaidIwasaninvestigator.”
“Whatthehellareyouinvestigatingifitain’twherethatdeadbeat,brain-deadmoronwent?”
“Iworkforaninsuranceagency,”Iexplained.
“Youtryingtosellmesomebullshitcarwarranty?I’mbehindbars,bitch.Youseemedriving?”
Itwasclearwho’dgottenallthebrainsinthewomb.“Idon’tsellinsurance,Tina.Ifindinsuredthingswhentheygomissing.”
“Huh?”
“I’mlikeabountyhunter,onlyinsteadoffindingpeople,Ifindthethingstheystole.IthinkDuncanstolesomethingthat’svaluabletomyclient,andIthinkhestoleitwhilehewasplottingcriminalworlddominationwithyou.”
“Howvaluable?”
Itwason-brandforTinanottocareaboutthedetails,justthebottomline.
“Tomyclient?Priceless.Marketvalue?Halfamillion.”
Tinasnorted.“Pricelessasinasentimentalbullshitbaggieofbabyteeth?Neverdidunderstandthatshit.Thetoothfairy.Elfonthestool.”
IfeltatwingeofsadnessforWaylayandthewayshe’dbeenbroughtup.Atleastmyparentshadsmotheredmewithlove.Anactivedisinterestwouldhavedonemuchmoredamage.ThankGodforNaomiandKnoxandtheirextendedfamilies.Waylaynowhadanarmyoflovedonesatherback.
“Pricelessasina1948Porsche356convertiblethat’sbeeninthefamilythreegenerations.”
“Soyou’resayingnotonlydidthisdickweaselleavemehighanddrytogetblamedforthewholedamnthing,healsocutmeoutofsomewindfall?”
“Prettymuch.”
“Thatsonofabitch!”
“Noyelling,Tina,”theguardoutsidethedoorcalled.
“I’llyellifIwannafuckingyell,Irving!”
“DidyourememberifDuncanwaswithyouonthisweekendinAugust?”Iasked,showingherthecalendaronmyphone.
LasttimeIwashereandasked,she’dsuggestedIaskher“socialsecretary,”thentoldmetofuckoff.
“Thatwhenyourexpensive-asscargotstolen?”
Inodded.
“Ididsomerememberingsincelasttime.Duncandhisbuddieswentonaspreethatweekend.Camebackwithsixcars.Noold-assPorschethough.ButDunccamebacklaterthaneveryoneelsedid.Iremember’causeIlaidintohimbecausehisdouchebagsshowedupwithouthimanddrankallmygoddamnbeer.ThenherecomesDunc,struttin’likeoneofthosebirdswiththebig,fancytail.”
“Aturkey?”
Tinarolledhereyes.“Jesus.No.Withthebluefeathersandthescreaming.”Shetiltedherheadbackandletoutawarblyscream.
Irvingtheguardopenedthedoor.“Onemorewarningandyou’regoingbacktoyourcell,Tina.”
“Apeacock!”Icutin.
Tinapointedatme.“Yeah!Thatone.Whatwerewetalkingaboutagain?”
Irvingclosedthedooronalong-sufferingsigh.
“Duncancominghomelateafterstealingsixcars,”Iprompted.“Howlatewashe?”
Sheshrugged.“LongenoughforthosedickheadstodrinkawholecaseofNattyLight.’Boutanhourortwo?”
Iclampeddownonmyrisingsenseoftriumph.Iknewit.Iwasright.He’dstashedthePorschesomewherewithinanhourofthatoriginalshoplocation.Itmightnotstillbethere,butifIcouldfindthatfirstbreadcrumb,Icouldfindthesecond.
“AndyouneversawavintagePorscheattheshop?”Iasked.
Sheshookherhead.“Nah.HestuckwithnewFastandFuriousshit.”
“DidDuncanevertakeyoutomeethisfather?”Iasked.
“Anthony?”Shescrewedherfaceupinderision.“Me’nDuncweremoreatthefuck-in-an-alleythanmeet-the-parentsstagebeforehescrewedmeover.”
“Buthetalkedabouthim,”Iprodded.
“Shityeah,hetalkedabouthim.Theguywasobsessedwithgettin’Daddy’sapproval.Atleast,upuntilDuncfuckedupthathit.”
MybodytensedatthewayshesocasuallymentionedNash’sshooting.Ididmybesttokeepmyexpressionblank,butontheinside,myheartwasthunderingagainstmysternum.
Somepeopledidn’tunderstandthattheiractionshadconsequences.Otherssimplydidn’tcare.
“Youknow,Ididn’tevenknowhewasgonnatrytotakeoutthatMorganguy.Iwouldatalkedhimoutofit,”Tinasaid,lightingacigarette.
“Why?”
“Well,foronething,themcoppantslookedmightyfineonthatman’sass.”
TinaWittmighthavebeenahorriblehumanbeing,butshewasnotwrongonthatparticularpoint.
“Foranother,hewasadecentguy.Andnotjusttolookat.Heneveroncetreatedmelikehispiece-of-shitbrotherandeveryoneelsedid.Evenwhenhearrestedmethatonetime,heputmyheadinthecarrealgentlelike.”Herhard-linedfacehadgonedreamy.
“He’sagoodguy.Good-lookingtoo,”Iprompted.
“Youain’twrongthere.GivenhowmuchIavoidcopsingeneral,youknowtheguy’sgottabehotifIdon’trunintheoppositedirectionatthegrocerystoreevenwithchippedturkeyIain’tpaidforstuffedinmybra.Bethe’sgotahugedicktoo,”shesaidwistfully.
Great.NowIwasthinkingaboutNashandhisincrediblemorningerectionsandhowImightnevergettoexperienceoneagain.“BacktoDuncan,”Isaiddesperately.
Tinawavedadismissivehand.“Oh,hejusthadamedium-sizedone.Didn’treallyknowhowtouseit.Hewaskindofapokerinsteadofathruster,ifyouknowwhatImean.”
Ididnot.MyfacemusthavesaidasmuchbecauseTinastoodandbeganalewdthrustingdemonstrationwiththecigarettedanglingfromhermouth.
“DoyouthinkAnthonyHugowouldhelphidehisson?”Iasked,interruptingtheshow.
Tinasnortedandsatbackdown.“Areyoushittin’me?AfterasbadasDuncfuckedup?”
“Parentsforgiveallkindsofmistakes,”Ipointedout.Caseinpoint,Tina’sownparents.
Tinashookherhead.“NotAnthonyHugo.Dunccamehomeallpissedoffandfreakedout.Toldmehetriedtotakeoutacopanditdidn’tgoasplanned.Iwaslayin’intohimgoodwhentwoofAnthony’sgoonsshoweduptobringDuncinfora‘chat.’AndIwastherewhenhedraggedhisasshomebeattohellandbloody.”
“Whathappenedduringthatchat?”
“Oh,youknow.Screaming.Humiliation.Threats.AnthonywaspissedoffthatDunchadbrought‘unwantedattention’totheirbusiness.Duncsaidhisdadcalledhimnames,roughedhimup.Whichwasarealslapintheface,punintended.WordisAnthonyhasn’tgottenhishandsdirtyroughingupanybodyinalongtime.He’sgotguysforthat.ButhemadeanexceptionforDunc.”
“HowdidDuncanfeelaboutthat?”
ShelookedatmelikeIwasstupid.“Hefeltitmovedtheirrelationshipintoahealthierplace.Howthehelldoyouthinkhefeltaboutit?”
“Soyoudon’tthinkthere’sanywaythatDuncan’sdadwouldhavehelpedhimgotoground?”Ipressed.
“I’dbesurprisediftheoldmanisn’thuntingforhimtotakehimoutbeforethecopsfindhim,”shesaid.
Thiswasnews.Ifileditaway.“Really?”
“Imean,Duncwasanidiot.Waytooimpulsive.Buthisdadisdownrightscary.AfterAnthonycamedownonhimallhighandmightyabouthowhe’druinedhisplansandendangeredthefamilybusiness,Iknewwhatwasgonnahappennext.Theoldmanwouldsendsomeoneouttocleanupthemess.Andby‘cleanupthemess,’ImeanhewouldaputacoupleofbulletsinDunc’shead.Probablyminetoo.”
“Sowhathappened?”
“Well,lemmetellyou,ain’tnothin’sexyaboutamanwho’ssadDaddydidn’tlovehimenough.Itoldhimitwastimetomoveon.Tomakeanameforhimself.SoIconvincedhimweneededtogointohiding.Hemadesomecalls,andwemovedintothatwarehouseinLawlervilleandstartedtomakeaplan.Weneededmoneyandfast.Duncfiguredthebestwaytodothatwastoresellacopyofthelist.LottapeoplebetweenhereandDCwouldbeinterestedinalistofhard-asscopsandtheirsnitches.”
“Sothat’swhenyouabductedyourdaughterandyoursister.”
TinaWitt’sbaddecisionsmademyownlookliketinylapsesinjudgmentbycomparison.I’dbeentheretoseetheimmediatefallout.Atrailofbleedingbadguys.KnoxonthefloorwithNaomiandWay.Nash,heroicallyleaningagainstthewall,guninhand,shoulderbleeding,lookingexhaustedandpissedoff.Myheartgaveapatheticlittlepitter-patter.
“Thatwasanotherclusterfuckthatdipwadgotmeinto.Itwasneversupposedtobeakidnappingthing,youknow?Hewasjustsupposedtoscarethemalittle.Get’emtocoughupthelist.Thenwe’dsend’emontheirway.Butnoooo,hehadtodothingshisway.Duncwasanidiot,buthewasn’tstupid.Hecouldbesneakysmartwhenhewantedtobe,buthewasimpulsive.Onesecond,he’dbeplanningsomeheist,andthenext,he’dbezonedoutplayingvideogamesuntil4:00a.m.”
“Soonceyoutwostruckoutonyourown,whoworkedwithhim?Thereweremenatthewarehousethenightyouwerearrested.WeretheyAnthony’s?Otherfamilymembers?Friends?”
That’swhatfriendsarefor.Naomi’swordsfromearlierthatmorningresurfacedinmyhead.Noonewastrulyaloneinthisworld.Therewasalwayssomeoneapersonwouldturntowhentheyneededhelp.
“Oh.Likehisknownassociates,right?I’mpickingupallthecopspeakbywatchingNCISandshitincaseChiefMorganevercomestopaymeavisit,”shesaidproudly
IwonderedhowNashwouldfeelknowingthatTinaWitthadaragingcrushonhim.Ialsowonderedifthatmeanthe’dnevercometoseeherinjail.
“Yes.Knownassociates,”Iagreed.
“Heardmostof’emwerepickedupbythecops,”Tinasaid.
“Most,butnotall.Someonehadtohelphimgetaway.”
“Therewereacoupleofgoonshehadworkingforhiminhischopshop.ThentherewasFaceTattooGuyandChubbyGoateeGuy.Thatdudecouldeatatwelve-inchcheesesteakinundertenminutes.TheywereDunc’sbuddiesfromhighschoolbeforehedroppedout.Theyallstartedworkingfortheoldmanaroundthesametime,buttheywereDunc’sfriendsfirst.”
Dutifully,Imadenotesandhopedthedescriptionswouldbeenoughtoleadmeinadirection.
“Isthereanyoneelseyoucanthinkof?”
Shepursedherlipsandstubbedouthercigarette.“HehadaguyInevermet.BurnerPhoneGuy.Idon’tthinktheywerebuddies.Least,theydidn’ttalkliketheywere.ButhewastheoneDunccalledwhenweneededtogetthehellouttaDodgeafterhisdumbassshotChiefMorgan.”
“HowdidBurnerPhoneGuyhelp?”Iasked.
Tinashrugged.“Dunno.IwastoobusyyellingatDuncforbein’adumbasstopayattention.”
Iclosedmynotebookandstoweditinthepocketofmyjacket.“Onemorequestion.WhatmadeDuncanstartwithChiefMorgan?”
Tinashrugged.“MaybeitwasthatImentionedhowfinethechief’sasslookedonedayorthatItoldhimthatthechiefhadn’tdonemewronglikeeveryotherfuckingresidentofKnockemout.HeneverlookedatmelikeIwasanobody.”
Shetwirledapieceofstraw-texturedhairaroundherfingers.She’dcutanddyedherhairtolookmorelikehersisterfortheabduction.Now,grayrootswerevisibleatherpartandshewasindesperateneedofadeepcondition.
“Course,itcouldabeenthedoubleasterisksnexttohisnamethatcaughtDunc’seye.”
Ifoughttheurgetodrummyfingersonthetabletop.“Hesaywhattheasteriskswerefor?”
Tinashrugged.“Dunno.You’dhavetoaskDunc.”
“Well,thanksforyourtime,Tina,”Isaid,gettingtomyfeet.
“Igotnothin’buttimethankstothatasshat.Youfindhim,tellhimIsentyou.”
IsteppedoutsideintothebrightautumnsunfeelinglikeIalwaysdidafterleavingtheprison.LikeIneededashower.
Butatleastthistime,Ifinallyhadafewleadstotugon.
IheldmybreathasIcheckedmyphone.TherewerenomessagesormissedcallsfromNash.IblewoutasighanddialedtheofficeasIcrossedtheparkinglot,leavingbarbedwireandhighfencesbehindme.
Myfavoriteresearcher,Zelda,answeredonthesecondring.“Yello?”
“Hey,it’sme.IneedyoutodigupeverythingyoucanonDuncanHugo’sknownassociates.Concentrateononeshe’sknownthelongest.Specificallyanyonewithafacetattooandanyoneontheheftierside.”
Iheardthecrinkleofapotatochipbag.
“Onit,”Zeldasaid,crunchingnoisilyintomyear.“How’slifeinKnockemup?Youreadytorunscreamingtotheclosestmetropolitanareayet?”
“Knockemout,”Icorrected,headinginthedirectionofmyvehicle.
“Whatevs.Hey,youhearaboutLew?”
Istoppedinthemiddleoftheparkinglot.“Whatabouthim?”
“He’sbackondeskdutystartingtomorrow.”
“He’sdoingokay?”Iasked.
“He’sfine.Saiditwouldtakemorethanabrokenasstokeephimdown.Besides,Daleytoldhimhebettergethisbustedassbackoutthereifhewantstokeepearning.”
Iwaitedfortherelieftocome,butitwasonlyguiltthatlingered.TWENTY
CARPOOLCONFESSIONS
Nash
IwasstillpissedoffoverthebreakfastambushbythetimeImadeittothestation.Ididn’tknowwhoIwasmoreangrywith:Lucianforoverstepping,Knoxforbeingastubbornasshole,orLinaforstillholdingbackonmewhenI’dbeennothingbuthonestwithher.
She’dtextedthreetimessayingshewantedtotalk.
MyguesswasshewasworriedaboutwhatLuciantoldme.Rightnow,Iwasinthemoodtoletherworry.
Ormaybethisroilinginnerragewasdirectedatmyself.
Atthispoint,itdidn’treallymatter.Everyonewaspissingmeoff.
“You’resupposedtotellmewhereyou’regonnabe,Morgan.”
Iturnedaroundandfoundanequallyirate-lookingU.S.marshalstormingupthesidewalktowardthestation’ssidedoor.
Iwasnotinthemood.“I’malreadypissedoffattwoassholeswhodraggedmeoutofbedthismorning.Iwereyou?Iwouldn’tbeinahurrytoaddyournametothatlist.”
“Look,shithead.I’mnothappyaboutthisassignmenteither.YouthinkIlikecampingoutinDeliverancebanjoterritorywatchingyourungratefulbackforsomethreatthatprobablydoesn’tevenexist?”Nolansnappedback
“Gee,I’msorryyou’rebored,Graham.Doyouwantacoloringbookandsomecrayons?I’llpicksomeupwhenIgogetyouathank-youcardandfuckingballoons.”
Nolanshookhishead.“Christ,you’readick.IfIhadn’tseenyoudealingwiththosekidsyesterdayandmakingthatfuckheadcoppisshispants,I’dthinktheconditionwaspermanent.”
“Yeah,well,maybeitis.”
Toillustratemypoint,Ididn’tholdthedoorforhim.
Iacknowledgedtheroundof“Mornin’,Chief,”withacurtnodasIheadedstraightformyofficewhereIcouldshutthedamndooronthewholedamnworld.
NoonesaidanythingtoNolanwhenhestompedinafterme.
“Where’sPiper?”Graveasked,holdingupabagofthepetshop’sgourmetdoggietreats.
Fuck.
Linahadthedog.Imightnothavewantedthedamndog,butIsureashellwasn’tgoingtoletLinakeepher.
“She’swithaneighbor,”Isaid.
OfficerWillBertlestoppedmejustshyofmydoor.HewasthefirstBlackofficerI’dhiredaschief.Soft-spokenandunflappable,hewaswell-likedinthecommunityandrespectedinthedepartment.“You’vegotavisitor,Chief.He’swaitingforyouinyouroffice,”hesaid.
“Thanks,Will,”Isaid,tryingtotampdownmyexasperation.Theworlddidnotseeminclinedtoleavemethehellalonetoday.
IheadedintomyofficeandstoppedshortwhenIspottedmyvisitor.
“Dad?”
“Nash.It’sgoodtoseeyou.”
DukeMorganhadoncebeenthestrongest,funniestmanI’dknown.Buttheyearshadallbuterasedthatman.
Youdidn’thavetolookfarpasttheclean,baggyclothes,theneatlytrimmedhairandbeard,beforeseeingthetruthofthemaninmyvisitorschair.
Helookedolderthanhissixty-fiveyears.Hisskinwasweatheredandlinedfromyearsofneglectandexposuretotheelements.Hewastoothin,ashadowofthemanwhohadoncecarriedmeonhisshouldersandtossedmeeffortlesslyintothecreek.Hisblueeyes,thesameshadeasmine,hadbagsunderthem,slashesofpurplesodarktheyalmostlookedlikebruises.
Hisfingersnervouslytracedthestitchingonhispantsoverandoveragain.ItwasatellI’dlearnedtorecognizeasakid.
Despitemybesteffortstosavehim,myfatherwasahomelessaddict.Thatfailurenevergoteasierformetostomach.
Iwastemptedtoturnaroundandwalkoutthedoor.ButjustasIrecognizedthetell,Ialsorecognizedtheneedtoconfrontthebad.Itwaspartofmyjob,partofwhoIwas.
Iunhookedmybeltandhungitandmyjacketonthecoatrackbehindmydeskbeforesitting.WeMorgansweren’thuggersandforgoodreason.Yearsofdisappointmentsandtraumahadmadephysicalaffectionbetweenusaforeignlanguage.I’dalwayspromisedmyselfthatwhenIhadmyownfamily,itwouldbedifferent.
“Howareyoudoing?”Iasked.
Dukerubbedabsentmindedlyatthespotbetweenhiseyebrows.“Good.That’skindofwhyI’mhere.”
Ibracedfortheask.ForthenoI’dhavetodeliver.I’dstoppedgivinghimmoneyalongtimeago.Cleanclothes,food,hotelrooms,treatment,yes.ButI’dlearnedearlyonexactlywherecashwentassoonashegothishandsonit.
Itdidn’tmakemeangryanymore.Hadn’tinalongtime.Mydadwaswhohewas.TherewasnothingIcoulddotochangethat.Notgettingbettergrades.Notperformingonthefootballfield.Notgraduatingwithhonors.Anddefinitelynothandinghimmoney.
“I’mgoingawayforalittlewhile,”hesaidfinally,strokingahandoverhisbeard.
Ifrowned.“Youintrouble?”Iasked,alreadyjigglingmycomputermouse.Ihadanalertsetforifandwhenhisnamepoppedupinthesystem.
Heshookhishead.“No.Nothin’likethat,son.I’m,uh,startingarehabprogramdownsouth.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”Heranhispalmsoverhiskneesandbackuphisthighs.“Beenthinkin’aboutitforawhile.Haven’tusedinabitandI’mfeelin’prettygood.”
“Howlongisabit?”Iasked.
“Threeweeks,fivedays,andninehours.”
Iblinked.“Onyourown?”
Henodded.“Yeah.Feltliketimeforachange.”
“Goodforyou.”Iknewbetterthantobehopeful.ButIalsoknewwhateffortittookforanaddicttogettothismentalspace.
“Thanks.Anyway,it’sadifferentkindofplacethantheonesIdidbefore.Comeswithsomecounseling,medicaltreatmentplans.Evengetasocialworkertohelpwithafter.They’vegotoutpatientsupportprograms,jobplacement.”
“Thatsoundslikeit’sgotpotential,”Isaid.
Iwasn’toptimistic.Notwithhimandnotwithrehab.Toomanydisappointmentsovertheyears.I’dlearnedthathavingexpectationswherehewasconcernedonlyguaranteedmyowndisappointment.SoImadeitapointtoalwaysmeethimwherehewas,notwhereIwantedhimtobe.Notwherehe’doncebeen.
Ithelpedmeinmyjobtoo.Treatingvictimsandsuspectswithrespect,notjudgment.Despitethefactthathe’dturnedintoatoxicfatherfigure,DukeMorganhadmademeabettercop.Andforthat,Iwasgrateful.
“Youneedanythingbeforeyougo?”
Heshookhisheadslowly.“Nope.I’mallset.Gotmybustickethere,”hesaid,pattinghisfrontpocket.“Ileavethisafternoon.”
“Ihopeit’sagoodexperienceforyou,”Isaidandmeantit.
“Itwillbe.”Hereachedintothesamepocketandpulledoutabusinesscard.“Here’sthenumberandaddressoftheplace.They’lllimitphonecallstoemergenciesforthefirstfewweeks,butyoucansendletters…ifyouwant.”
Heputthecardfaceuponmydeskandslidittowardme.
Ipickedupthecard,lookedatit,thenpocketedit.“Thanks,Dad.”
“Well,I’dbestbegettin’on,”hesaid,gettingtohisfeet.“GottaseeyourbrotherbeforeIhittheroad.”
Irose.“I’llwalkyouout.”
“Notnecessary.Idon’twannaembarrassyouinfrontofyourdepartment.”
“You’renotanembarrassment,Dad.”
“MaybeinafewmonthsIwon’tbe.”
Ididn’tknowwhattodowiththat.SoIclappedhimontheshoulderandsqueezed.
“Youhealingupokay?”heasked.
“Yeah.It’sgonnatakemorethanacoupleofbulletstokeepmedown,”Isaidwithfeignedconfidence.
“Somethingsaretougherthanotherstogetover,”heinsisted,thoseblueeyeslockingontomine.
“Somethingsare,”Iagreed.
Bulletholesandbrokenhearts.
“Ididn’tdorightbyyouandyourbrother.”
“Dad,wedon’thavetogetintothis.Iunderstandwhythingshappenedthewaytheydid.”
“IjustwishIwouldakepttryingtolooktothelightinsteadofsinkingintothedark,”hesaid.“Amancanlearntoliveinthatdark,butit’snolife.”
Ispentthenexthourreviewingcasereports,time-offrequests,andbudgetswithmyfather’swordsechoingaroundinmyhead.
Maybethedarkwasanempty,meaninglessexistence,butitwasthelightthatcouldburnyou.IneededsomethingfromLinathatshedidn’tseemwillingtogive.Somethingthatwasasessentialtomeasoxygen.Honesty.
Sure,she’dsharedbitsandpieces.Butwhatshedidsharewasshadedandspuntotellthekindofstoryshewanted.She’dmadeitseemlikeshe’drunintoLucianandhadabenignconversationwithhim.Shehadn’ttoldmethatmyoldestfriendhadhuntedherdownandthreatenedheroverthetimeshe’dbeenspendingwithme.
Iwasalmostaspissedoffaboutthefactthatshe’ddecidedtohandleitonherownasIwasoverLucian’soverprotective,asinineactions.
ButdespitethefactthatIknewforsurethatLinawasn’ttellingmethewholetruth,IfeltsomethingIcouldn’tidentify,somethingahellofalotlikeneed.Andthescaleswouldn’tbebalancedunlesssheneededmeback.
SomethingLinaSolavitawasn’tprogrammedtodo.
SomethingIwasn’tpreparedtodeliveron.Whowouldneedmeinthisstate?Iwasafuckingmess.
Hell,I’djustspelledmynamewrongsigningaPTOrequest.
“Fuck,”Imutteredandshovedawayfrommydesk.
Iwastoorestlesstohidefromtheworld.Ineededtodosomethingthatfeltproductive.
Igrabbedmyjacketandbeltoffthehookandheadedoutintothebullpen.
“Headedout,”Isaidtotheroomingeneral.“I’llbringbacklunchfromDino’sify’alltextmeyourorders.Mytreat.”
Therewasaflutterofexcitementthatallcopsgotatthethoughtoffreefood.
IpausedatNolan’sdesk.“Feelliketakin’aride?”
“Depends.Yougonnatakemeouttothewoodsandleavemeforthebanjos?”
“Probablynottoday.Thinkin’aboutpayinganinmateavisit.”
“I’llgetmycoat.”
“What’swiththechangeofheart?”NolanaskedasIhitthehighway.
“MaybeIjustwanttosavetheenvironmentbycarpooling.”
“Ormaybeyou’reinthemoodtohaveachatwithTinaWittandyoudon’twanttogetanyofyourofficersintroublewiththefeds.”
“You’renotasdumbasthatmustachemakesyoulook,”Isaid.
“Mywife—ex-wife—wasreallyintoTopGun,”hesaid,runninghisfingerandthumboverthe’stache.
“Thethingswedoforwomen.”
“Speakingof—”
“YoumentionLina’snameandIwillleaveyouforthebanjos,”Iwarned.
“Noted.Whataboutherfriend?Theblondlibrarian?”
“Sloane?”Iasked.
“Shesingle?”
IthoughtaboutLucianthismorningatbreakfast.Aslow,vengefulsmilespreadovermyface.“Youshouldaskherout.”
WerodeinsilenceuntilItooktheexitfortheprison.
“Thosekidsyesterday,”Nolansaid.“Youtalkedthemanageroutofpressingcharges.”
“Idid.”
“ThenyoukickedtheassofOfficerFuckhead.”
“Yougotapointrattlin’aroundintheresomewhere,Graham?”
Heshrugged.“Justsayingyoudon’tsuckatyourjob.Somelocallawmenwouldhavethrownthebookatthekidsandletthatofficerslide.”
“Mytownsawenoughofthegoodol’boystyleofleadership.Theydeservebetter.”
“Guessyou’resmarterthanthosebulletholesmakeyoulook.”
TheBannionWomen’sCorrectionalFacilitywastypicalforamedium-securityprison.Outinthemiddleofnowhere,theperimeterwasprotectedbytallfences,milesofbarbedwire,andguardtowers.
“Yougonnarunandtattletothefedsaboutthis?”Iasked,swingingintoaparkingspaceneartheentrance.
“Guessthatdependsonhowitgoesdown.”Nolanreleasedhisseatbelt.“I’mcomin’in.”
“Lessproblematicforyouifyoudon’tknowwhatI’mdoin’inthere.”
“IgotnothingtodobutwonderhowmanyassholesarelineduptomakeamoveonmyexsinceshemovedtoDCandwaitforsomelow-levelcriminaltoaskyoutodanceagain.I’mcomin’in.”
“Suityourself.”
“Getanythingusefuloutofheryet?”heasked.
“Dunno.Thisismyfirstvisit.”
Heshotmealook.“GuessStudlyDo-Righttakesordersseriously.”
“Wasreallyhopin’thatnicknamewoulddie.”
“Notlikely.Butseriously,Idlertellsyouletthebiggirlsandboyshandleitandyoujustsitonyourhands?IfIwereinyourshoes,I’dsureashellberunningmyowninvestigation.Hell,thesearelocalplayers.They’dbemorelikelytotalktoyouthantoabunchoffeds.”
“Speakingof,”Isaid,lookingpointedlyathisdepartment-issuesuit.“Losethejacketandtie.”
Nolanhadjustthrownhisjacketbetweentheseatsandwasrollinguphissleeveswhenaleggybrunettestrolledoutoftheprisonandintotheparkinglot.
“You’vegottobefuckingkiddingme.”
“Well,well,well.LookslikeInvestigatorSolavitaisuptosomethingafterall,”mypassengermused.“Whataretheodds—”
“Zeroinamillion,”IsaidasIglaredatherreflectioninmyrearviewmirror.Iwatchedherhangupherphoneandgetintohercar.
IcalledupLina’slasttextonmyphone.
“Aren’tyougonnabusther?”Nolanasked.
“Nope,”Isaidasmythumbsmovedacrossthescreen.
Me:Lunchsoundsgood.MeetatDino’sinten?
Myphonerangafewsecondslater.Lina.
“Hey,”Isaid,fightingtokeepmytoneneutral.
“Hi,”Linasaid.
“IsDino’sintengood?”Iasked,knowingfullwellitwasn’t.Nolansnickeredfromthepassengerseat.
“Actually,I’moutrunningerrands.CanImeetyouinanhour?”
Shewaslyingtomyface…well,myear.Mybloodpressurespiked.“Idon’tthinkI’mgonnabefreethen,”Ilied.“Whatkindoferrandsareyourunning?”
“Oh,youknow,justtypicalerrandstuff.Groceries.Pharmacy.”
Avisittoawomen’scorrectionalfacility.
“Howdidbreakfastgothismorning?”sheasked,changingthesubject.
“Breakfastwasfine,”Ilied.“PiperwithMrs.Tweedy?”
“Yeah.She’ssleepingoffherpuppyccinoonMrs.Tweedy’scouch.”
Thewomanhadtakenmydogforatreatandnowshewaslyingtome.LinaSolavitawasmaddening.
“Hey,listen.Ifyouhaven’thitthepharmacyyet,mindgrabbingmeabottleofibuprofen?”Iasked.
Wewerebothgoingtoneeditlater.
“Sure!Icandothat.Noproblem.Iseverythingokay?”Shesoundednervous.Good.
“Yep.Fine.Gottagodocopstuff.Seeyoulater.”Ihungup.
Thirtysecondslater,thecherry-redChargerzippedpastusbeforeflyingoutoftheparkinglotwithachirpoftires.
Igotoutandslammedmydoorharderthannecessary.
Nolangotoutandjoggedtokeepup.
“Thatwascold,myfriend,”hesaidwithjustahintofglee.
Igruntedandstabbedtheintercombuttonoutsidethemainentrance.
Whentheheavydoorbuzzedopen,westeppedintoasqueaky-cleanlobby.Guardswavedusthroughthemetaldetectoranddirectedustothefrontdeskbehinditsprotectiveglass.I’dbeenherebeforeforhearingsandinterviews,butthistime,itwaspersonal.
“Well,hello,gentlemen.Whatbringsyoutomyfineestablishmenttoday?”MinniehadbeenworkingthedeskatthisprisonforaslongasIcouldremember.She’dbeenthreateningtoretireforthepastfiveyearsbutclaimedhermarriagewouldn’tsurviveretirement.
Thetruthwas,theprisonwouldprobablyfallapartwithouther.Shewasagrandmotherlyfiguretoinmates,visitors,andlawenforcementalike.
Iproducedmybadge.“Goodtoseeyouagain,Minnie.IneedtoseealistofallthevisitorsTinaWitthashad.”
“Ms.Wittsureispopulartoday,”Minniesaid,givingustheeyes.“LemmetalktothebossladyandI’llseewhatIcangetyou.”TWENTY-ONE
FAN,MEETSHIT
Nash
IgaveLina’sdooranofficial-soundingknockandwaited.
Finally,thedooropenedacrackandshepeeredoutatme,thensmiledandopenedthedooralittlewider.“Hey.Iwasjusttakingabath.”
Ibrushedpastherandsteppedinside.
“Uh,comeonin,”shesaid,soundingnonplussed.Shewaswearingnothingbutatowelandapairoffuzzyflip-flops.Herskinglistenedwithwaterdroplets.IhadtolookawaybecauseIdidn’ttrustmyself.Ifeltlikeavolcanoreadytoblow.Betrayalandneed.Thosetwoopposingforcesmixedinmyblood,fanningtheneedtoexplode.
Ishouldn’thavecomewhenIwasthiskeyedup.
“Youribuprofenisonthecounter,”Linasaid,hervoicemoretentativenow.
Theboxoffilescaughtmyeye.Itwasopenandtherewerepaperslinedupinneatstacksaroundit.
Iheadedforit.
“Nash.Wait!”
ShecaughtuptomejustasIpickedupthefirstfolder.Herfrontmetmybackandshereachedaroundme,butIshruggedheroffandflippeditopen.Mygutrolledinonitself.IabsorbeditlikeIwouldablow.
“Icanexplain,”shesaidquietly.
IslammedthefolderdownonthetablewithDuncanHugo’sfacestaringupatme.“Talk.Now.”
“Nash.”
“YoucanstartwithwhatyouweredoingvisitingTinaWittinprisontoday.Ormaybeyoushouldstartwithwhyyou’vegottheguywhoshotmeinyourfiles.Yourchoice.”Iwantedthecold,thedark.Butshe’dunlockedsomethinginme,andinsteadofthenothingnessI’dgottenusedto,Iwasburningalivewithrage.
Shecrossedherarmsinfrontofherdefiantly.“Thishasnothingtodowithyou.”
Wrongmove.
“Don’tfuckinglietome,Angelina.Thishaseverythingtodowithme.AndI’mnotleavinguntilyoutellmewhy.”
“Isthisaninterrogation,Chief?DoIneedalawyer?”
Mystarewashard,unyielding.“Youtellme,”Isaid.Iwasspoilingforafight.Ineededitmorethanmynextbreath.
Shemetmygazewithherownanger.
Igaveintotheneedandwrappedmyfingersaroundherelbow.HatingthewayIreactedtothefeelofheragainstmypalm,Ipulledoutachairandpushedherintoit.“Sit.Talk.”
Herchincameupdefiantly.
“Ifthenextwordsaren’tanexplanationofwhythefuckyou’vebeenpayingTinaWittvisitsandlookingforDuncanHugo,thenIsweartoGodIwillhaulyoudowntothestationrightnowandyoucansitinacellinnothingbutthatbathtowelfortherestofthenight.”
“You’remakingabigdealoutof—”
“Itrustedyou,Angelina.Iopeneduptoyouandyouplayedme.”
Isawthewincebeforeshesmootheditoverwithindignantanger.“Ididn’tplayyou.I’msorryyourfeelingsgothurt.Itwasn’tmyintention.”
“God,you’reworseatapologiesthanKnox,”Iobserved.
“I’mjustdoingmyjob!It’snotacrime.”
Islammedmyhanddownonthetable.“Damnit!WhyareyoulookingforHugo?”
Sheshouldhavebeenscared,butshewasn’t.Shelookedreadytodeckme.
“Whatareyouafterthatmadeyoucomehere?Thathadyoucozyinguptomeaskingmeabouttheshooting.Thatputyouinmybedtalkingtoyouaboutfuckingpanicattacksandmemoryloss.”
“You’regonnawanttowalkthatback,”shesaidwithanicycalm.
“DonottrytotellmewhatIcanandcan’tdorightnow,Lina.I’vehadalongfuckingdayandyou’remakingitlonger.”
“Iwasgoingtotellyou.”
Isweptherfromheadtotoeandwilledmyselfnottobeaffectedbythewayherchestheavedwitheverybreathshetook.“That’showyou’regonnaplaythis?”
“I’mnotplaying.That’swhyItextedyoutoday,youidiot.”
“Oh,soyouweren’tworriedthatLucianwasgoingtopoisonmeagainstyouwiththetruth?”
“Hedidn’tknowthetruth.AndIstupidlyfeltlikeIshouldbetheonetotellyou.”
IshovedthepaperwithDuncanHugo’sfaceather.“Talk.Now.”
ShewassilentandIcouldpracticallyhearhercalculatingheroptions.
“Haveityourway.”Imovedfastsoshewouldn’tseemecoming.Iduckedmyshoulderlow,wrappedmygoodarmaroundherwaist,andhauledherovermyshoulder.Herfurryslipperswentflyinginoppositedirections.
“Nash!”
“Igaveyouthechancetodothishere,”IsaidasIheadedtowardthedoor.
“Don’tyoudare!”sheshrieked.ShestruggledagainstmeandIslappedahandtoherasstoholdherstill.Myotherhandlockedaroundherbarethigh.Iwasinstantlyhard,andthatpissedmeoffevenmore.Butmydickdidn’tseemtocareaboutthingslikebetrayal.
ImadeitallthewaytothedoorbeforeIheardwhatIwanted.“Okay!Jesus.Youwin,yougiganticasshole.”
“How’sthatheartrate?”Iaskedher.Ibarelydodgedthekicksheaimedatmygroin.
“IsweartoGodI’mgoingtohaveyousingingsoprano,”shesaidthroughwhatsoundedlikegrittedteeth.
Istartedforthedooragain.“You’regonnahavetorideinthebackandI’mdefinitelygonnahavetocuffyou,”Isaidconversationally.“Ihopethattowelholdsup.Word’llprobablyspreadrealfast.Ican’tpromiseyourmugshotwon’tmakeitintothepapers.”
“Okay!OhmyGod!”Shewentlimpagainstme.“JustputmedownandI’lltellyoueverything.”
“That’sallIwanted,Angel.”
Ibentatthewaistandletherslideoffmyshoulderuntilherfeethitthefloor.
Hertowelwasbarelyhangingonatthispoint.Onegoodbreathorthelightesttugfrommeanditwouldbearoundherankles.Hereyessparkingwithfiredidn’tdoanythingtoalleviatethepressurebuildinginmyballs.“Fuck.Goputonarobe,”Iordered,lookingaway.
Shespunonherheelandstormedtowardherbedroom.
“Ittakesyoulongerthanthirtyseconds,I’mcomin’inthereafteryou,”Icalledafterher.
Ilookedbackintimetoseethemiddlefingersheheldoverhershoulder.
Forthetwenty-eightsecondsittookhertoreappear,Ifantasizedaboutmarchingintothatroom,pinninghertothebed,andthrowingthattowelonthefloor.
Therobewasn’tmuchbetterthanthetowel.Itcoveredmoreskin,butthesilkyfabricdidn’tdoadamnthingtohidethoseinsolentnipplesthatbeggedformyattention.
Eyesflashing,shereturnedtothetableandsat.
ItookthenextchairandpickedupHugo’sfile.“Talk.”
“Areyouaskinginanofficialcapacity?”
“I’msureashellnotaskingasafriend.HowmanytimeshaveyouvisitedTinaWitt,keepin’inmindthatIhaveherlistofvisitors,sodon’tbotherlying.”
Sheblewherbreathoutthroughherteeth.“Three.”
“Whatdidyoutwotalkabout?”
“IwastryingtogetinformationonDuncanHugo’swhereabouts,”shesaidtothebrickwallacrossthetable.
Ipluckedanotherfolderoffthepileandopenedit.Shereachedforit,butIpulleditback.
“Youcan’tlookatthosewithoutawarrant,”sheinsisted.
Iraisedaneyebrow.“Youwantmetogogetone?’CauseIwill.YouroldpalMarshalGrahammightevenhelpme.Hewasn’tanyhappierthanIwastoseeyournameonthatvisitationlist.Infact,whydon’tthethreeofusmeetupdownatthestationandclearthiswholethingupwhilethejudgeapprovesawarrant?”
“Damnit,Nash!”
“WhyareyoulookingforHugo?”
“I’mnotlookingforhim.I’mlookingforsomethinghetook,”shesaid.
Ileanedbackinthechair.“I’mlistening.”
Theglaresheshotmewouldhaveincineratedsomeonewiththinnerskin.“I’mnevergoingtoforgiveyouforthis.”
“Backatyou,baby.Nowtalk.”
Icouldallbutseethesteamwhistlingoutofherears.“Youalreadyknowmycompanyinsuresthingsforwealthyclients.Wheninsuredassetsarestolen,werunparallelinvestigationswithlawenforcement.OneofourclientslivesinaDCsuburb.Hiscarwasstolenafewdaysbeforeyouwereshot.Iwasassignedthecaseandstarteddigging.”
“Acar.You’rehuntingdownanattemptedmurdereroverafuckingcar.”
“You’dbedoingthesamethingasacop.”
“I’dbedoingittoprotectandserve.You’redoingittosaveyourcompanyaninsurancepayoutandtoearnabonus.”
“Iguesswecan’tallbeheroes,canwe?”Therewasfirebeneathalltheiceshewasthrowingatme.
“WhatmakesyouthinkHugotookthecar?”
“Processofelimination.Therewasaspikeofgrandtheftautocaseswithinaten-mileradiusofHugo’swarehouse.Sixothercarswerestolenthesameday,twofromthesameneighborhoodasmyclient’s.Allthosecars,oratleastpiecesofthem,werefoundinHugo’swarehouseafterhegotaway.”
“Soyoushowuptoahostagesituationunarmedwithaciviliantofindafuckingcar?”She’darrivedonscenewithSloane.Icouldstillseeherwalkinginthedoorinslowmotion.Shecamestraighttome.Andthesecondshe’dputherhandsonme,IknewIwantedtokeepthemthere.
Wasn’tthatafuckingkickinthegoddamnteeth?
Itwasofficial.Myinstinctsweregone.Icouldn’tseethroughaleggytemptresswithsecretsinhereyes.
“Firstofall,Ididn’tknowDuncanDumbassHugowasintokidnappinginadditiontorunningchopshops.ButI’vebeeninhigh-stakessituationswithandwithoutlawenforcement.AndifIhadn’tgotteninSloane’scar,shewouldhavedriventhereherselfandprobablyputherselfindanger.”
“Youdidn’tjustcomehereandcoincidentallyendupinthemiddleofHugo’scrimespree.”
“Thetheftshappenedlessthananhourfromhere.Theplanwastoswingthroughtownandseemyoldfriendonmyway.Iwasgoingtostayintownlongenoughtocatchup,andtheneverythingwenttohellthenextdaywhentheytookNaomiandWay.”
“WhyshouldIbelievethat?”Iasked.
“Idon’tcarewhatyoubelieve,”shesnapped.
“Yeah,Igotthattoo,sweetheart.Yougetallyoursourcestotellyouthingsthewayyoudidwithme?”Iasked
“Subtletydoesn’tbecomeyou,Chief.”
Ileanedforward.“Itrustedyou,Lina.”
Shecrossedherarmsdefiantly.“You’reactinglikeascornedloverwhentheonlythingweareis…”
“What?Whatarewe,Angelina?Youwanttosayneighbors?Acquaintances?”Islappedthefiledownonthetableinadisplayoftemper.“Youknowmydarkestfuckingsecret.Youletmetellyou.”
Shethrewherarmsupintheair.“Youthinkanyonebesidesmyfamilyknowsaboutmyhistory?Youweren’ttheonlyoneopeningyourselfup,Nash.”
“Thenyou’reeitheracoldpieceofworkorattheveryleastthatmadeusfriends.”
“Made?”
“ItoldyouIdon’ttolerateliars.Anythingthatwehadorcouldhavehadisgonenow.”
Herjawticked.
“Youdeliberatelyliedtome,”Isaid.
“Ididn’tlie.Iomittedpartofthetruth.”
“Youusedmebeingvulnerableagainstme.”
“Ohplease,”shesnapped.“IwaswalkingyourdogwhenIfoundyouonthefloor.Ididn’tgiveyouapanicattack.”
“No,butyousureashelltookadvantageofit.”
“How?”shesputtered.“DidIpumpyouforlawenforcementsecrets?AmIblackmailingyouwithyoursecrets?”
“Maybenot.Butyoumadesuretogetaccesstome,myplace.Youstartedpushingmeaboutwhathappenedthatnight,”Ipointedout,fittingthepiecestogether.
“Foryourowngood,ass.Ifyouwanttoblockitoutforever,it’snoneofmybusiness.Butyou’lljustkeependinguponthefloorifyoudon’teventuallyworkyourwaythroughit.”
Ishookmyhead.“I’vegotahunchofmyown.Ithinktheonlyreasonyoupretendedtocarewasyouthoughtyoucouldgetsomethingoutofme.SomethingthatwouldleadyoutoHugoandthatdamncar.”Ipickedupanotherfolderandopenedit,butmygazewasonher.“Ibetyoucouldn’thelpbuttakealookatthosefilesIhaveonmytable,couldyou?”
Herfaceturnedtostone,butnotbeforeIsawtheflickerofguilt.
“Yeah.That’swhyyouagreedtoourlittlesleepovers.Themoreaccessyouhadtome,themoretimeyou’dbeabletospendatmyplace.”
Linastaredatmewithfireinhereyes.Shelaughedbitterly.“AndhereIthoughtKnoxwastheassholebrother.”
“Guessitrunsinthefamily.You’regonnawanttostayawayfromallofthemfromnowon,”Iwarnedher.
“That’sgonnabealittletrickysinceKnoxaskedmetobeintheweddingparty,”sheshotback.
“Idon’ttrustyouandIdon’twantyouanywherenearmyfamily.You’rerecklessandyouusepeopletogetwhatyouwant.You’regoingtogetsomeonehurt.”
Sheblanchedbutcoveredimmediately
“Mybrothermightbeanasshole,”Icontinuedwhenshesaidnothing.“Andwemightnotgetalongallthetime.Butdoyoureallywannagoupagainstmewhenitcomestotestinghisloyalty?BecauseIwon’thesitatetomakesureyouloseyouroldestfriend.”
“Getout,”shesaidonawhisper.
“I’mnotdonewithyou,”Iwarned
Sheslammedherpalmdownonthetable.“Get.Out.Now.”
Isatforabeatandstudiedher.“Icatchwindofyouhoundingmyfamilyforinformationorinterferingwithanofficialinvestigation,Iwon’thesitatetothrowyourassbehindbars.”
ShesaidnothingbutstaredatmestonilyuntilIrose.
“Imeanit,Lina.”
“Gohome,Nash.Leavemealone.”
Iwent,butonlybecauselookingathermademychesthurt.Likeshe’dmanagedtodomoredamagethanthetwobulletsI’dtaken.
WhenIopenedthedoor,Piperwasn’twaitingforme.Shewasunderthetable,lookingatmelikeitwasallmyfaultsomehow.TWENTY-TWO
SOCCERGAMESHOWDOWN
Lina
Naomi:Emergencymeetingoftheweddingbraintrust.CaneveryonemakeittoWaylay’ssoccergametomorrowmorning?
Stef:Whycan’tsheplayaneveningsport?Theseearly-morningSaturdaysaremessingwithmyFridaynightsociallife.
Naomi:Whatsociallife?Youstillhaven’taskedJeroutyet.*chickenemoji*
Stef:Nobodylikesabridezilla,Witty.
Sloane:Icanmakeitaslongaswe’rehidingBloodyMarysinourcups.
Me:Sorryguys.Ican’tmakeit.
Naomi:*frownyface*Lina,youweretoobusyforlunchandyoubackedoutofbridesmaiddressshoppingthisweek.I’mafraidIhavetoenforcemybridalreignandinsistthatyoujoinus…unlessyoureallyaredoingsomethingmoreimportantthandiscussingweddingpartyattireandtraditionalweddingcakeversusapastrytable.ThenItotallyunderstandandyoushouldforgetthatItriedtomakeanydemandsonyou.
Stef:ForgiveWitty.She’sbeenhonoredwithalifetimeachievementawardinpeople-pleasing.
Sloane:CanconfirmthatLinadidnothaveplansforSaturdaymorningasoflastnightwhenwepickedupourDino’sto-goordersatthesametime.
Naomi:It’sofficial.Lina’savoidingus.
Stef:Let’skidnapherandfindoutwhy.Wait.Toosoonforkidnappingjokes?
Me:Oh,THISSaturday.IthoughtyoumeantsomeotherSaturday.Whoelseisgoing?
Sloane:Isecondthisquestion.I’mtiredofshowinguptoplacesandrunningintoTallDarkandPissy.
Stef:ShemeansSinfulSuitDaddy.
Naomi:Myparents,LizaJ,andKnoxwillallbethere.Nootherfamilymembersorfriendsareontheagenda.
Me:IguessIcanmakeit.Aslongasyouweren’tkiddingabouttheBloodyMarys.
“Theseleaves,”mydad’svoiceboomedthroughthespeakersofmySUV.“Neverseensomanycolorsbefore.Youshouldflyupfortheweekendandcheck’emout.”
Imadetheturnintothegravelparkinglotofthesoccerfieldsandinchedmywaythroughthrongsofplayersandfamilies.
“Fallisinfullswingheretoo,”Itoldhim.“You’llneverguesswhatI’mdoingrightnow.”
“Winninganawardatwork?No,wait.Takingballroomdancelessons?Oh!Iknow,eatingsushiwhilebookingaplanetickethometosurprisemeformybirthday?”
Iwinced.“Goodguesses,butno.I’mgoingtoakid’ssoccergame.”
“Nokidding?”
“Betyoudon’tmissthoseearlySaturdaymorningsinthecold,”Isaidlightly.Iwatchedafamilyoffive,bundledupinlayersofclothing,jogtowardthefields.
Dadhadalwayslovedsoccer.He’dlobbiedalocalsportsbarinourneighborhoodtoairUKfootballmatcheslongbeforeDavidBeckhamhadsetonegoldenbootinAmerica.HisloveofthegamewasthereasonI’dstartedplayingasakid.We’ddrilledforhoursinthebackyard.He’dknowneveryoneofmyteammatesbynameandwastheteamdadwhomadesureeveryonegothomesafelyfromgamesandpractices.
Afterthe“incident,”we’dallbeenaffectedindifferentways.
MomflutteredaroundmeconvincedIwasoneheartbeatawayfromdeath.
Myreturnto“normal”hadtakenlongenoughInolongerhadaplacetobelongto.SoI’dfocusedallmyenergyoncatchingupacademicallywiththeaimofstartingoversomeplacenew.
Asformydad,I’dneverseenhimwatchanothersoccergame.
“Apparentlysocialoccasionshereareoftenpairedwithchildren’ssportingevents.MyfriendKnoxaskedmetobeinhiswedding,andI’mmeetingwiththebridetotalkcakeonthesidelines.”
“Awedding?Howlongareyouplanningtostaythere?”
“I’mnotsure.Thisprojectworkhasmeonisreallydraggingout.”
“Well,ifyoucan’tcometous,wecanalwayscometoyou.”
“Everythingisupintheairatthemoment,butImightbeheadinghomesoon.I’llletyouknow.”
“Youdoingokay?Yousoundalittledown.”
“I’mfine,”Itoldhim,unwillingtodoadeepdiveintowhyI’dspentthelastseveraldaysswingingbackandforthbetweenmadandsad.“I’vegottogetgoing.Itlookslikethegame’sabouttostart.”
“Okay,sweetheart.Oh,andonemorething.YourmomwouldkillmeifIdidn’task.Everythinggoodwiththeticker?”
“Everythingisfine,”Isaid,forcingmyexasperationintotheboxwithmymadandsad.
Justafewemotionaldingsfromawounded,pissed-offofficerofthelaw.
“Iloveyou,Dad.”
“Loveyoutoo,Leens.”
Idisconnectedthecallandslumpedbackonmyheatedseat.I’dpreemptivelycalledhimtogetitoutofthewayfortheday.ItwasaconstantbalancingactofassuringmyparentsthatIwasaliveandcapableoftakingcareofmyselfwhilestillgivingmyselftheactualfreedomtobeanindependentadult.
Havingoverlylovingparentswasn’tsomethingthatIcouldtakeforgranted,butitalsowasn’tsomethingIwasthrilledabout.
Reluctantly,Igotoutofthecarandheadedinthedirectionofthefield,scanningthecrowdforthemanIhopedI’dneverseeagain.
I’dsuccessfullyavoidedNashsincehe’dthreatenedtoarrestme.MyresearchteamwasrunningdownHugo’sknownassociatesandkeepinganeyeonvintagecarauctions.Iwasstillcrossingpropertiesoffmylist.Inmydowntime,ImanagedtosurviveanotherworkoutwithMrs.Tweedyandconsultedontwootherinvestigationsatwork.
SomethingneededtobreakanditneededtobreaksoonorelseIwasgoingtohavetodosomethingI’dneverdonebefore:quit.
IfoundNaomiandSloaneinfoldingcampchairsunderblanketsonthesideline.
“Theresheis,”NaomisaidwhenIapproached.Shewasholdingahugecoffeeinonehandandaninnocuous-lookingtumblerintheother.“Webroughtyouachair.”
“Andalcohol,”Sloanesaid,holdingupashortredtumblerforme.
“Thanks.”Itooktheoffereddrinkandthechair.“Where’sStef?”
“He’sgetting,andIquote,‘allthecoffeeintheworld.’HehadaconferencecallwithinvestorsinHongKongaboutwhoknowswhat,”Naomisaid.
“WhatdoesStefdoforaliving?”Iasked,studyingthecrowd.Naomi’sdadandKnoxstoodnexttoWraith,ascarybikerdudeanddubiouschoiceforagirls’soccercoach.Theonlytattoosvisibleonthesilverfoxtodaywerepokingoutoftheneckofhisleatherjacket.Hestoodonthesidelines,legsbracedapartlikehewasreadytobattleitoutwitharivalmotorcycleclub.
Knox,Inoted,didn’tbothertosayhi.Hemerelyglaredatmebeforelookingaway.
StupidNashandhisbig,stupidmouth.
“Noonereallyknows.He’slikeChandlerfromFriends,”Naomisaid.
Sloanestudiedmefromunderherpom-pomedhat.Itwasblacktomatchhermittens.“Youalwayslooklikeabadassvideogameheroinereadytokickdownadoororgrabasexygun-totingguyandbanghimintooblivion.”
NaomisprayedafinemistofcoffeeintothechillyairwhileIlaughed.
“Uh,thanks?Ithink.”
“Tellheraboutthedress,”Sloaneinsisted.
“Weputyouinscarlet,”Naomitoldme.“It’sverybombshell.”
“You’lldefinitelygetlaidattheweddinginit,”Sloaneinsisted.
“Iseverythingokaywithyou?”Iaskedher.
Thelibrariangroaneddramaticallyandthrewherheadback.WhichgavemeanunobstructedviewofLucianRollinsapproachingfrombehindher.Hiscashmerecoatflappedinthewindlikesomekindofvampirecape.Hisgazewasn’tfriendly.Especiallynotwhenitlandedonme.
“Ugh.Ineedsex,”Sloaneannounced,unawarethathernemesiswasnearlywithinearshot.“EverywhereIlook,Iseepotentialsex.Naomihasthisannoying,permanentorgasmicglow,andyoulooklikeyoucouldwalkintoanyroomandleavewithaguyinunderfiveminutes.”
“Thenwhyaren’tyouhate-banginghim?”IpointedandweallturnedtostareatLucian,wholookedlikeamodelinjeans,asweater,andaballcap.
“Damnit!Naomi,yousaidhewasn’tcoming!”Sloanehissed.
“Hedidn’ttellmehewas.Ihavenoideawhyhe’shere,”sheinsisted.
“ThemanspendssomuchtimenextdoorandaroundtownI’mstartingtodoubtthathehasanactualjob,”Sloanecomplained.
“Nextdoor?”Iasked.
“ApparentlySloaneandLuciangrewupnextdoortoeachother.Sloaneboughtherhousefromherparentswhentheymoved,andLuciankepthismom’splace,”Naomiexplained.
“Godknowswhy,”Sloanemuttered.
“Maybehe’sheretohavesexwithyou.Likesomekindofdarksexyfairygrantingdirtywishes,”Iteased.
InoticedKnoxdidn’tbothergreetingLucianwhenhejoinedhim.Lookedlikethepissed-off-nesswascontagious.
“I’drathergotothegynecologistandthedentistonthesameday,”Sloanesaid.“Besides,Ihaveadate.”
“Youhaveadate?”Naomishoutedthequestionloudenoughthatallthementurnedandstaredatus.
Lucianlookedlikehewasabouttosettheworldonfirewithhisdarksmolder.
“Thanks,megamouth,”Sloanemuttered.“Yes.Ihaveadate.”
“Adateorahookup?”Iaskedatnormalvolume.
Lucian’shandclosedintoafist,crushinghisto-gocupandexplodingcoffeeeverywhere.
Igrinnedashesettledthatdarkanddangerousgazeonme.Oops,Imouthedsmugly.
“Nothingtoseehere,”Naomisaid,makingshooingmotionswithherhands.AtleastthatwaswhatIthinkshewastryingtodo.Itwashardtotellwithherdouble-fistingbeverages.“Goaboutyourbusiness,gentlemen.”
Knoxshothisfiancéeawickedwink,thengavemeachillylookbeforeturninghisattentionbacktothefieldwheretheteamwaswarmingup.
“Uh,what’supwiththesilenttreatmentandsteelystares?”Sloaneasked.
“You’rejusttryingtochangethesubject.Whoareyouhookingupwith?”
Sloanelookedoverbothshouldersandthengesturedforustoleancloser.Whenwe’dformedavodka-breathedhuddle,shecrackedasmile.“I’llgiveyouahint.He’sgotamustacheandabadge.”
“You’regoingoutwithNolan?NolanGraham?U.S.MarshalNolanGraham?”Idemanded.
“He’sreallycute,”Naomisaid.
“He’sagreatguy,”Iadded.
“Youtwodated,right?AnyredflagsIneedtoknowaboutbeforelettinghimgoforthegoldafterthethirddate?”Sloaneaskedme.
“Wehadaverybriefflingafewyearsback.He’sagenuinelyniceguyandhe’sagooddancer.”
“Maybehe’llbemydatetothewedding,”Sloanemused.
Themenwerestaringatusagain.Makethatglaring.Lucianlookedlikehecouldn’tdecideifhehatedmeorSloanemore.Knox’sexpressionwasbestdescribedasrestingpissedface.
“Okay,IgetthatSloaneandLucianhavethishatefestgoingon,butwhat’swithyouandKnox?”Naomiasked,frowningatherhusband.“Hedidn’tsaysomethingmeanandoffensivetoyou,didhe?He’ssupposedtobetryingtogetbetteratthat.”
Ilookeddownatmydrink.“AsfarasIknow,everythingisfine.”
“Oh,look.HerecomesNash.Ithoughthehadtowork.”
InearlyfelloutofmychairandspilledmyBloodyMarywhippingmyheadaround.
“Damnit,”ImutteredandslumpedlowerinthechairwhenIspottedhim.Hewasdressedinhisuniform,towingPiperonapinkleash,andlookingevenmorefuriousthanKnoxandLuciancombined.Nolanstrolledalongafewyardsbehindhim,hisphonetohisear.
“Ladies,”Nashgrowled.HisgazelandedonmeandImadezeroattempttocoverthefuryheinspiredinme.
“Morning,Nash,”Naomichirped.
“Hey,Chief,”Sloanesaid.
“ThoughtItoldyounottocomearoundmyfamily,”Nashsaidtome.
Oh,goody.Weweregonnagothere.Inpublic.Withwitnesses.
“I’dthinklongandhardaboutstartingthatconversationrightnow.Unlessofcourseyouwanttoairallthedirtylaundry,”Isaid,firingpoisonedeyeballdaggersathim.
EveryonestaredatusasifNashandIhadjustturnedintoalive-actiontelenovelainfrontofthem.
“Isaidleaveheralone,notbeadicktoher,”Knoxsnapped.
“Idon’tneedyoutodefendme.Especiallywhenyou’renotevenspeakingtome,”Iremindedhim.
“Yeah,I’mgonnaneedanexplanationimmediately,”Sloanesaid.
“I’mgladyoucametoyoursenses,”LuciansaidtoNash.
“Fuckoff,Lucy,”Nashsnarled.“Andfuckyoutoo,Knox.”
Amandasidledover.“Ismelldrama.What’shappening?”
“Everyoneismadateveryoneelse,”Sloanesaid.“Willsomeonepleaseexplainwhatcrawledupy’all’sbuttssoIcanchooseaside?Spoileralert:TeamNotLucian.”
Lucianturnedhissteelyeyedgazeonher.“Idon’thavetheenergyforyoutoday,Sloane.”
NaomiputherhandouttokeepSloanefromlaunchingherselfoutofherchair.“Listen,Icanonlyhandleonepairoffeudingfriendsatatime.”Sheturnedtome.“What’sgoingonwithyouandNash?AndyouandKnox.AndLucianand,well,everyone.”
Theyallturnedtolookatme.Thewomeneyedmeexpectantly.Themenlookedatmewithvaryingdegreesofscowlingfaces.Oneoftheteammomswasaimingherphoneinourdirection,probablyrecordingthewholething.
Stefchosethatmomenttowanderupwithacoffeecupthesizeofabucket.Hestoppedshortwhenhesensedthestandoff.“What’dImiss?”
“Lina’sbeenlyingtoeveryone,”Nashannounced.
Itwasgotime.Iwasreallygoodatgotime.Iwasn’toneofthosepeoplewhocameupwiththeirbestzingersintheshowerdaysafteraconfrontation.Iwassomeonewhofiredbackhard.
Theonlyproblemwas,Ididn’tfeelgoodaboutdeployinghissecret.Nashmightbeactinglikeagiganticasshole,butI’dseenrealpainbeneaththesurface,andIcouldn’tingoodconsciencebreakthattrust.Unlessofcoursehepushedmetoofar,inwhichcaseheonlyhadhimselftoblame.
Naomiputoneofherdrinksdownandreachedovertosqueezemywrist.“IfLina’sbeenlessthantruthful,thenI’mguessingit’sbecauseshehasagoodreasonforit.”
ItwassuchaNaomithingtosay.Andshemeantit.Atleastrightnow,beforesheheardthetruth.Butifanyonewasgoingtosharemytruth,itshouldbeme.
“I’mherelookingforDuncanHugo,”Isaid.
Naomi’smom,Amanda,gaspedtheatrically.Knox’snostrilsflaredashesworeunderhisbreath.Lucian,ofcourse,showednooutwardreaction.
Sloanewasthefirsttorecover.“Why?Whatareyouinto,Lina?”
“It’swork.Idon’tsellinsurance.Irecoverstolenassets.HugostolesomethingfromaclientandItrackedhimtothearea,notknowingthathewasalsowrappedupinothersituations.IcametotownjusttoseeKnoxforaday.Buttheneverythinghappened.”
“Whatdidhesteal?”Amandaasked.“Ibetitwasjewels.Wasitjewels?”
“Itwasacar,”Iadmitted.
“Whatkindofcar?”Knoxwantedtoknow.
“A1948Porsche356convertible.”
Heletoutalowwhistle.“Niceride.”
“Sheliedtoallofus,”Nashsaid,hiswordsstrikinglikeahammer.“Shegotyoutoputherupnextdoortomesoshecouldgetaccesstomeandmyfiles.”
Icouldfeeltheadrenalinedumpingintomysystem.Myheartimmediatelyflutteredoverabeat,thenanotherone.Ibroughttheheelofmyhandtomysternumandwilledmyselfnottoopenmymouthtoreleasethetorrentofinsultscloggingmythroat.
“Whatthefuck?”Knoxsaid.
Ibracedfortheendofmylongest-runningfriendship.Buthewaslookingathisbrother.
“Shedidn’tmakemeputherupinthatapartment.Iswungbythemoteltopickherupforbreakfastandfoundherhairsprayingaroachthesizeofafuckin’beaver,”hecontinued.“Itoldhertopackhershitandsherefused.Weyelledateachotherforagoodhalfanhourwhilestompin’onamultigenerationalroachfestbeforesheagreedtomove.”
“Timeout,”Naomisaidtohersoon-to-behusband.“Viking,ifthat’snotwhyyou’remadatNashandLina,whatgotyourboxerbriefsinatwist?”
Knoxsmoothedahandoverherhair,thegentlegestureatoddswithhisstormyexpression.
“I’mpissedbecausethesetwoidiotsdidn’tlistentothesenseIwastalkin’.”
ItookthreehealthygulpsofmyBloodyMaryandbegantoplotmyescape.
“Whatsense?”Stefasked,pullingupachairandsettingitasclosetotheactionaspossible.
“Seriously?Comeon!”KnoxgesturedbackandforthbetweenmeandNash.
“You’regonnahavetobemorecommunicativethanthat,dear,”Amandatoldhim.
“Forfuck’ssake.Theycan’tgettogether.”HepointedatNash.“Thisidiotpracticallyhas‘putafuckin’ringonit’tattooedonhisfuckingass.”Thenhejerkedhischininmydirection.“Andthatpainintheasshas‘love’emandleave’em’tattooedonhers.”
Naomileanedinandwhispered,“Ishebeingliteralormetaphorical?”
“Metaphorical.ButIdohaveasuntattooedonmyshoulderblade.”
Nash’seyesnarrowedonme.
“Theygettogetherandit’stimeforhertogo,he’sgonnagethisstupidheartbrokenandshe’sgonnafeelbadaboutit.Thenthey’llbothenduptakingitoutonme.SoItoldNashtoleaveitbeandthenIfindouthe’sclimbingintobedwithher.”
“Everyoneishavingsexbutme,”Sloanemutteredunderherbreath.
“Nowthingsaregettinggood,”Amandasaid.SheheldoutahandtoStef.
“Agreed,”hesaid,handingoverhisBloodyMary.
“Weweren’thavingsexandwedefinitelyneverwill.Youcouldhavetalkedtomeaboutit,”IsaidtoKnox.
HegrimacedasifI’djustsuggestedheriphistoenailsoutandthrowthemaroundlikeconfetti.
“Yeah,right,Leen,”hescoffed.“Thenwecouldhaveaheart-to-heartaboutourfeelingsandshit.”
Hehadapoint.
“Badtime?”Nolanwanderedupinawindbreaker,holdinganormal-sizedcoffee.
“Yes,”NashandIsaidinunison,whichresultedinmoreglaringateachother.
HewinkedatSloane.“Hey,cupcake.Lookingforwardtodinner.”
Thelibrariangavehimaflirtygrin.Luciangrowled.
“SoifLinaandNasharen’t”—NaomipausedaspartofWaylay’steamjoggedpastthesidelines—“enjoyingadulttickletime,whichwearedefinitelygoingtorevisit,bytheway,whyareyoustillmadatthem?”
“Becausehe’sactinglikeit’snoneofmybusinessandshewasn’tbeinghonestwithme.Youcouldatoldmewhyyouwerehere,”Knoxsaidtome.
Inodded.“Icouldhave.Probablyshouldhave.Openingupdoesn’tcomeeasy,”Iadmitted.
“Suredon’tmindwhenyou’reonthereceivingend,”Nashsaid.
“Keeppushing,Chief.Theystillhaven’tdugdeepenoughonyouyet,”Iwarned.
HisglarewouldhaveincineratedmeifI’dusedmorehairspraythatmorning.
“Whatthehell’sthatsupposedtomean?”Sloaneaskedinastagewhisper
“Holdon.We’renotdoneyet.Wehaven’tgottentowhySuitDaddy,ImeanLucian,isinvolvedinsuchimmature,emotionalshenanigans,”Stefpointedout.
“Comeonin,Lucian.Thewater’swarm,”Isaidtohim.
“Well,nowyouhaveto,”Naomisaidencouragingly.
“IknewtherewassomethingoffwithLina’sstory.AndwhenKnoxvoicedhisconcernsabouther,Ididsomedigging.ThenItrackedherdownandthreatenedher.”
HesaiditascasuallyassomeonedescribinganamusingencounteratTarget
“Unbelievable,”Sloanemutteredunderherbreath.
“Lucian,that’snothowwesolvethings,”Amandachidedlikehewasasix-year-oldmidtempertantrum.
“SoLucianwastechnicallyrightandyou’restillmadathim?”Naomiasked.
Nash’sanswerwasanirritatedshrug.
SheturnedtoKnox.“AndyouwererightaboutNashgettinghurtandnowyou’rebothmadateachotherforthat.”
“Well,breakfastdidn’thelp,”Knoxadmitted.
Naomiclosedhereyes.“Isthatwhyyouweresuchabridezillawiththefloristyesterday?”
“Baby’sbreathisstupid.Fightme,”hesaid.
“Whathappenedatbreakfast?”Stefasked.
“IinvitedKnoxandNashtobreakfasttotalkthingsoutlikematureadults,”Lucianexplained.
“Youshowedupunannouncedanddraggedmeoutofbedatsixinthemorning,”Nashcorrected.
“You’rewelcome,”heshotback.
“Wait,”Sloaneinterrupted.“You,LucianRollins,willinglytriedtotalkthingsout?”
Hisgazewasicywhenitlockedontoher.“Idowhenit’ssomethingthatmatters.”
Shegottoherfeet,vibratingsohardthepom-pomonherhattrembled.“YouaretheworstpersonI’veevermet,”shehissed.Sloanewasusuallymuchsharperwithherinsults.
Sensingimpendingviolence,IjumpedoutofmychairandsteppedbetweenthembeforeSloanecouldcharge.“He’sgotalotoflawyers,”Iremindedher.“Andassatisfyingasitwouldbetopunchthesmirkoffhisface,I’dhatetoseehislegalteambankruptyou.”
Sloanegrowled.Lucianshowedhisteethinwhatwasdefinitelynotasmile.
“Alittlehelphere,Marshal?”
NolanloopedanarmaroundSloane’swaistandpulledherback.“Howdoyoufeelaboutstandingallthewayoverhere?”heaskedherconversationally.
Lucianletoutwhatsoundedlikeaferalsnarlandslammedhischestintomywaitinghand.EvenafterIdugmyheelsin,hestillmanagedtomovemebacknearlyafootbeforeNashpushedhiswaybetweenus.
“Backthefuckoff,”Nashsnapped,gettingintoLucian’sface.
“We’reabouttogetthrownoutofakids’soccergame,”Isaidtonooneinparticular.
“Sohowwasthesex?”Stefaskedmewithawickedgrin.
“FortheloveofGod!Wedidn’thavesex.Weneverevenkissed,”Isnapped.
“Soyouwerejustsleepingtogether?”Amandaasked.“Isthatanewthingwithyouyoungsters?Friendswithpartialbenefits?Netflixandcuddle?”
“Definitelynotfriends,”Isaid,glaringatNash.“Andunlikesomeothers,Irespectpeople’sprivacy,especiallywhenitcomestothingsthey’vesharedinconfidence.”
Damn,itfeltgoodtotakethehighroad.EspeciallyknowingNash’sfamilywasabouttoprythetruthoutofhimwithacrowbar.Thatmadeitevenmoresatisfying.
Abarrageofquestionswasimmediatelyvolleyedattheman.
“Youseriouslyjustslept?What’supwiththat?”
“Doesthishavesomethin’todowithyoubein’depressed?”
“You’redepressed?Whydidn’tyousaysomething?”
“Wasitnakedsleepingorweretherepajamas?”
“Excuseme,people!”
EveryoneturnedtofindWaylaystandingonthesidelines,handsonhips.Herteamwaslinedupbehindher,tryingandmostlyfailingtostiflegiggles.
“We’retryin’toplayagameoutherebutyouguysaredistractingeveryone!”shesaid.
Weallmanagedtomumbleachorusofapologies.
“IfIhavetocomeoverhereagain,you’reallintrouble,”Waylaysaid,makingeyecontactwitheachofus.
“Jeez,whendidshegetscary?”SloanewhisperedwhenWaylayandtherestoftheteamreturnedtothefield.
“Iblameyou,”KnoxandNaomisaidatthesametime.Theygrinnedateachother.
MyhearttrippedunevenlyagainandItookadeepbreath,blowingitoutslowlyuntiltheflutteringinmychestdissipated.
“Youokay?”Nashasked,notsoundinglikehecaredthatmuch.“Orwasthatalietoo?”
“Don’t.Start,”Iwarnedhim.
“What’shappeningnow?”Naomiwhispered.
Ineededtogetoutofhere.IneededtogosomeplacewhereIcouldbreatheandthinkandnotwanttopunchstupidsexymenintheirstupidsexyfaces.Ineededtocallmybossandquitthisinvestigation.NotonlywasIbasicallycompromised,thethoughtofstickingaroundKnockemout,nowjustanotherplaceIdidn’tbelong,actuallyhurt.
“Sitdown,Angelina,”Nashordered.Hewasstillpissed,buthistonewasadegreeortwogentler.
“What’swrong?”Knoxdemanded.
“I’msureNashwillbehappytofillyouin,”Isaid,thenturnedtoNaomiandSloane.“YoutwohavebeennothingbutwonderfulsinceIgothereandI’llalwaysbegratefulforthat.YoudeservebetterfrommeandforthatI’msorry.Thankyouforthefriendshipandgoodluckwiththewedding.”IhandedSloanemyBloodyMary.
Myhearttrippedagainandthenagain.Myvisionwentspottyforthemomentittooktoresumeanormalbeat.
Nomorecaffeine.Orredmeat.Orman-inducedstress,Ipromisedmyself.I’dopenmymeditationappanddoyogaaftereveryrun.Iwouldpracticebreathingexerciseseveryhouronthehourandtakenaturewalks.IwouldgetthehelloutofKnockemoutandneverlookback.
Ididn’ttrustmyselftosayamoreofficialgoodbye,soIjuststartedwalkingtowardtheparkinglot.
“Lina,”Nashcalledafterme.NotAngelina.NotAngel.NowitwasjustLina.
Iignoredhim.ThesoonerIforgotNashMorganexisted,thebetter.
Iincreasedmyspeedandcutacrossanowemptysoccerfield.Ididn’tquitemakeittohalffieldbeforeahandclosedaroundmyelbow.
“Lina,stop,”Nashordered.
Ijerkedfree.“Wehavenothinglefttosaytoeachotherandwehavenoreasonlefttoconcernourselveswitheachother.”
“Yourheart—”
“Isnoneofyourdamnbusiness,”Ihissed.
AseriesoffluttershadmyvisiongoingdarkaroundtheedgesandIwilledmyselfnottoletitshow.
“Okay.I’minsertingmyselfinherewithgreatreluctance,”Nolansaid,joggingup.
“Buttout,Graham,”Nashsnapped.
Nolantookoffhissunglasses.“Myjobistoprotectyou,dumbass.Andyouareonepointfivesecondsawayfromhavingyourfacepunchedinbyaveryangrywoman.”
“I’mnotlettingyougetbehindthewheelifyou’renotokay,”Nashsaidtome,ignoringtheU.S.marshalstandingbetweenus.
“I’veneverbeenbetter,”Ilied.
Hetriedtotakeanothersteptowardme,butNolanputahandtohischest.
Iturnedandheadedfortheparkinglot.IwashalfwaytomycarwhenIfeltattentiononme.IspottedaguywithamustacheandaKPDballcapleaningagainstasetofbleachers,armscrossed,meaninhiseyes.TWENTY-THREE
TEAMLINA
Lina
Iwastryingtostuffthelastsweaterintomyoverflowingsuitcasewhentherewasaknockatmydoor.IwouldhaveignoreditasIhadalltheotherknocksonmydoorsinceyesterday’ssoccergametruthbombifithadn’talsobeenaccompaniedbyabarrageoftextmessages
Sloane:It’sus.Letusin.
Naomi:Wecomeinpeace.
Sloane:Hurryupbeforewemakeenoughnoisetoalertyourgrumpyneighbor.
Iwasnotupforcompany,emotionalblackmail,oranotherroundofapologizing.
Naomi:IshouldaddthatKnoxgavemethemasterkeysowe’recominginnomatterwhat.Youmightaswellmakeityourchoice.
Damnit.
Ithrewthesweateronthebedandheadedforthedoor.
“Hi,”theysaidcheerfullywhenIopenedit.
“Hi.”
“Thanks,wewillcomein,”Sloaneannounced,givingthedoorashove.
“Ifyou’vecometodobattle,I’malloutofenergy,”Iwarned.
I’dspenthalfthenightdefrostingfrozenvegetablesonmychestwhilelisteningtoguidedmeditationsandtryingtowillthestressfrommybody.
“We’reheretotellyouthatwepickedaside,”Naomisaid.Shewaswearingtight-fittingjeansandasilkblousethecolorofemeralds.Herhairwascurledinloosewavesthatframedherprettyface.
“Asideofwhat?”
“We’vegivenitalotofthoughtandwe’reTeamLina,”Sloanesaid.ShetoowasnicelydressedforacasualSundayafternoon.Shewaswearingdistressedjeans,heels,andadamngoodsmokyeye.“IwantedtomakeT-shirts,butNaomithoughtitwouldbebetterifwejustshowedupandtookyouout.”
“Tookmeout?”Irepeated.“Liketomurderme?”
“Nohomicides,Ipromise,”Naomisaid,headingtowardmybedroom.“Whyisthereapackedsuitcaseinhere?”
“BecauseIcan’tcarryallmyclothesinmyhands.”
“YouwererightnottowaitontheT-shirts,”Sloanesaid,followingNaomiintomyroom.
Naomistartedpawingthroughmysuitcase.“Thisiscute.Oh,anddefinitelythesejeans.”
“Areyourobbingme?”IknewKnockemoutwasalittlerougharoundtheedgesbutthisseemedexcessive.
“You’regettingdressedandwe’regoingoutforagirls’plusStefafternoon,possiblynight,dependingonhowmuchalcoholandfriedfoodisconsumed,”Sloanesaid,handingmeapairofjeansandaredsweaterwithaplungingneckline.
“We’restillworkingonthename,”Naomiadded.
“ButIwasn’thonestwithyou.Ikeptthingsfromyou,”Ipointedout,wonderingifperhapsthey’dforgottenmytreason.
“Friendsgivefriendsthebenefitofthedoubt.Maybeyouhadagoodreasonfornotbeinghonest.Ormaybeyou’veneverhadawesomefriendslikeSloaneandme,”Naomisaid,tossingmemygiganticcosmeticbag.“Eitherway,whatkindoffriendswouldwebeifweleftyouwhenyouneededusmost?”
“Soyou’renotmadatme?”Iaskedslowly.
“We’reconcerned,”Naomicorrected.
“AndwereallywantmoredetailsonyousleepingwithNash,”Sloaneaddedwithaplayfuleyebrowwriggle.
“He’smiserable,bytheway,”Naomisaid,pointinginthedirectionofthebathroom.
“Hisstateofmiseryisnoneofmybusiness,”Iinsisted.
He’dknockedonmydoortwiceyesterdayafterthedisasteratthesoccergame.Thethirdtime,he’dthreatenedtobreakitinifIdidn’tatleastconfirmthatIwasokay.
Tosavetheexpenseofreplacingthedoor,I’dtextedhimasuccinctI’mfine.Fuckoff.
“Hurryupandgetready.Wecan’tdrinkalldayifwedon’tstartnow,”Sloanesaid,examininganothersweater.“Hey,canIborrowthisformydatewithNolan?”
AndthatwashowIendedupatHellhound,adingybikerbar,onaSundayafternoonwithTeamLina.
Themusicwasloud.Thefloorwassticky.Thepooltableswerealltaken.Andthereweremorewalletsonchainsthanoff.
“ThisplacestillmakesmewanttouseabucketofPine-SolandapalletofLysolbeforesittingdown,”Naomicomplainedaswebellieduptothebar.
StefgrimacedandrolledupthesleevesofhisAlexanderMcQueensweaterbeforerestinghisforearmsgingerlyonthewood.“Well,hello,hotbartender,”hesaidunderhisbreath.
Joel,thegentlemanlybartender,wastall,muscly,facialhair-y,anddeckedoutinheadtotoeblack.Hishairwasamaneofsilversweptbackfromhistannedface.“Welcomeback,ladies,”hesaidwithasmirkofrecognition.“Iseeyoubroughtanewfriendalong.”
NaomiintroducedStef.
“What’llitbe?Shots?Liquor?Wine?”
“Shots,”Sloanesaid.
“Wine?”Naomiasked.
“Definitelywine,”Stefagreed.
Joel’sgrayeyescametome.“I’llhavewater.”
“Booooooo!”NaomiandSloanesaidtogether.
Steffrownedatme.“Doyouhaveaheadinjury?”
“I’llgetstartedonthosedrinks.Trynottopunchanyoneinthemeantime,”Joelcautionedmostlyme.
“You’renotdrinking,”Sloanesaid.
“Waterisadrink.”
“WhatSloanemeansiswhyareyouhydratinginsteadofbeingirresponsibleandorderingadultbeverages?”Naomisaid.
“Oneofushastodrive,”Ipointedout.
“Oneofushasasexyashellfiancéreadyandwaitingtopickupourcharminglyintoxicatedselves,”Naomiexplained.
“Knoxdidn’tgiveyoushitaboutcomingbackhere?”Iasked.
Thelastand,well,onlytimewe’dbeenherehadbeenthedayIarrivedintown.KnoxandNaomiwereinthemidstofabreakupthatneitherknuckleheadactuallywanted.I’dwhiskedNaomiawayfromhershiftatHonkyTonkandbroughtherheretothediviestofdivebars.
Sloanehadjoinedusandthedayalmostendedinabarfightwhensomeofthedumber,drunkerpatronsthoughttheyhadanactualchancewithus.
“That’swhyStef’shere,”Naomiexplained.
“Hemademepromisetosendanupdateeverythirtyminutes,”Stefsaid,holdinguphisphone.
“Ishestillmadatme?”Iasked,tryingtosoundlikeIdidn’tcare.
“Hewillbeifhefindsoutyouwereplanningonleavingtownwithouttellinganyofus,”Naomisaid.
ThiswaswhyIdidn’thavefriends.Relationshipsofallkindsweretoosticky.Everyonefelttheyhadarighttotellyouwhatyouweredoingwaswrongandgiveyouinstructionsonhowtofixittotheirliking.
“Iwasn’tleavingtown.Iwasgoingtomovebacktothemotelandthenleavetown.”
“Asyourfriend,Ican’tingoodconscienceletyougetaroach-bornediseasewhenthere’saperfectlynice,cleanapartmentavailabletoyou,”Naomiinsisted.
“I’dratherlivewithroachesthannextdoortoNash.”
Joelreturnedwithourdrinks.TwoshotsofGodknowswhatforSloane,twowineglassesfilledtothebrim,andawaterwithalemongarnish.
Sloanemadegrabbyhandsattheshots.
“Thanks,Joel,”Isaidashesetthewaterdowninfrontofme.
“Youdoin’okay?”heaskedme.
“I’mfine.”
“Errrrr!”Sloane,alreadyoneshotdown,madealoudbuzzernoise.“It’sagainstthelawtolieduringgirlsplusStefafternoon.”
Naominodded.“Agreed.Rulenumberone:Nolying.Wearen’theretopretendeverythingisfine.We’reheretobehereforeachother.Isaidheretoomanytimes.Nowitdoesn’tsoundlikeaword.Here.Here?”
“Here.”Sloanetriedfrowning.
“Theybeendrinkingalready?”Joelaskedmewiththearchofasexysilvereyebrow.
Ishookmyhead.“Nope.”
Hewiselyfilledtwomoreglasseswithwaterandsettheminfrontofmyfriendsbeforedisappearingdownthebar.
“Heeeeeere,”Naomienunciated.
“OhmyGod.Fine!I’mnotfine,”Iadmitted.
“It’saboutdamntime.Iwasafraidyouweregoingtomakeuskeepgoing,”Sloanesaid,pickinguphersecondshotanddowningit.
“Thefirststepisadmittingyou’readisaster,”Stefsaidsagely.
“I’mnotfine.Iamadisaster.Evenmyfamilydoesn’tknowwhatIdoforalivingbecausetheycan’thandlethethoughtofmeanywhereneareventheslightestwhiffofdanger.Iftheyhadanyideahowdangerousmyjobis,theywouldflyouthere,formaprotectiveshieldaroundme,andforcemetomovehomewiththem.”
Mytinypersonalaudienceallwatchedmeovertherimsoftheirglasses.
“AndI’mdrinkingwaterbecauseIhadaheartconditionthatalmostkilledmewhenIwasfifteen.Imissedoutonallthenormalteenagethingsthankstosurgeriesandbeingtheweirdgirlwhodiedinfrontofanentirestadiumofpeople.It’sfixednow,butIstillgetPVCswhenI’mstressed.AndI’mstressedashellnow.Everystupidflutterremindsmewhatitwasliketoalmostdieandthenliveasuffocatinghalf-lifeofhomeschooling,medicalappointments,andoverbearingparentswhoIcouldn’tblameforbeingoverbearingbecausetheywatchedmeessentiallydieonasoccerfield.”
“Whoa,”Sloanesaid.
“Morealcohol,Joel,”Naomibegged,holdinguphernowemptywineglass.
“SoexcusemeifIdon’ttelleveryoneImeetallthedetailsofmylife.IspentenoughofitbeingmicromanagedandremindedthatI’mnotnormalandIwon’teverhavenormal.UntilIgothereandImetNashhole.”
“Goodone,”Sloanesaidwithanapprovingnod.
“WhathappenedwhenyougothereandmetNash?Sorry.ImeanNashhole?”Naomiasked,hangingonmyeveryword.
“Itookonelookathimandhiswholewounded,broodything—”
“By‘thing,’doyoumeanpenis?”Stefasked.
“Idonot.”
“Stopinterruptingher,”Naomihissed.“Youtookonelookathiswounded,broodynot-penisandwhat?”
“Ilikedhim,”Iconfessed.“Ireallylikedhim.HemademefeellikeIwasspecialandnotintheweirdcardiac-arrest-in-front-of-everyoneway.Hemademefeellikeheneededme.Noone’severneededme.They’vealwaysprotectedmeorbabiedmeoravoidedme.God,myparentsaretryingtobookplaneticketsjusttobullytheirwayintomynextcardiologyappointmentsotheycanhearmydoctorsayI’mstillfine.”
MoredrinksappearedinfrontofNaomiandSloane.Joelslidabowlofnutsmyway.“Thosearefreshoutofthebag.Noonefingeredthemupyet,”heassuredme.
“Thankyoufortheunfingerednuts,”Isaid.
“SoNashcameclean—aftersomeberating—aboutthepanicattackshe’sbeenhavingandhowyouhelpedhim,”Naomisaid.
“Ididn’ttakeadvantageofhim,”Iinsisted.
“Honey,weknow.Noonethinksthat.NotevenNash.He’saMorgan.Theysaystupidthingswhenthey’remad.ButIhavetotellyou,it’snicetoseehimmad,”Naomiconfessed.
“Why?”
“Beforeyou,hewasn’tmadorhappyoranything.Hewaslikeaphotocopyofhimself.Justflat,lifeless.Andthenalongcameyouandyougavehimsomethingtocareenoughabouttogetmad.”
“Iliedtohim.Iliedtoallofyou.”
“Andnowyou’lldobetter,”Naomisaid,asifitwerethatsimple.
“Iwill?”
“Ifyouwanttostayfriendsyouwill,”Sloanesaid.Threeshotsinandshewasalreadylistingtoonesidelikeshewasonthedeckofaship.
“Friendsmakefriendsbetter.Weacceptthebadparts,celebratethegoodparts,andwedon’ttortureyouforyourmistakes,”Naomisaid.
“I’msorryIwasn’thonestwithyou,”Isaidsoftly.
“Itkindofmakessensenowatleast,”Sloanepointedout.“IfIhadtolietomyparentsabouteverythingjusttoleadasomewhatnormallife,Icanseehoweasilythatwouldturnintoahabit.”
“Igetit,”Naomisaidsympathetically.“IdidlietomyparentsabouteverythingwhenIfirstgotherebecauseIwastryingtoprotectthemfrommymessandTina’smess.”
“Iknowthefeeling.”Istirredmystrawaroundthewater.“Iactuallyletmyselfstarttoask‘whatif?’”
“Whatifwhat?”Stefasked.
“Whatifitworkedoutwithhim?WhatifIstayedhere?WhatifthiswasthesignI’dbeenlookingfortoquitmyjobandtrysomethingnew?WhatifIcouldactuallyhavenormal?”
NaomiandSloanewerestaringatmewithwide,wateryeyes.
“Don’t,”Iwarned.
“Oh,Lina,”Naomiwhispered.
“Iknowyoudon’tliketobetouched,andIrespectthat,”Sloanesaid.“ButIthinkyoushouldknowthatI’mhuggingyouinmymind.”
“Okay.Nomoreshotsforyou,”Idecided.
Theybothcontinuedtostareatmelikebigdoe-eyed,needycartooncharacters.“Makeitstop,”IbeggedStef.
Heshookhishead.“There’sonlyonewaytomakeitstop.”
Irolledmyeyes.“Ugh,fine.Youcanhugme.Butdon’tspillanythingonme.”
“Yay!”Sloanesaid.
Theyhuggedmefrombothsides.There,sandwichedbetweenadrunklibrarianandatipsycommunityrelationsdirector,Ifeltjustalittlebitbetter.Stefpattedmeawkwardlyonthehead.
“Youdeservetobehappyandhavenormal,”Naomisaid,pullingback.
“Idon’tknowwhatIdeserve.NashhitprettymucheveryshameandguiltbuttonIhave.”
“HedroppedatruthbombonmeatoneofWaylay’sgamesearlierthisseason,”Naomisympathized.
“ThankGodtheseason’salmostover,”Stefjoked.
“Youknowwhyhonestyissoimportanttohim,don’tyou?”Naomiaskedme
Ishrugged.“Iguessit’simportanttoeveryone.”
“KnoxandNash’sdadisanaddict.Dukestartedusingdrugs—mostlyopioids—aftertheirmomdied.Knoxsaideverydaywiththeirdadfeltlikealie.He’dswearhewassoberorpromisehe’dneveruseagain.He’dcommittopickingthemupafterschoolortellthemhe’dbeattheirfootballgames.Buthejustkeptlettingthemdown.Overandoveragain.Onelieafteranother.”
“Thatsucks,”Iadmitted.Myupbringinghaditschallenges…youknow,likedyinginfrontofallmyfriendsandtheirfamilies.Butthatdidn’tcomparetohowKnoxandNashhadgrownup.“However,unpopularopinionhere.You’renotresponsibleforhowyouwerebroughtup,butyouareresponsibleforyouractionsandreactionsonceyou’reanadult.”
“That’strue,”Naomiadmittedbeforeguzzlingmorewine.
“Thebeautifulwomanwiththeverylonglegshasapoint,”Sloanesaid.“Howtallareyouanyway?Let’smeasure!”
Inudgedherglassofwatercloser.“Maybeyoushouldgivetheshotsabreak.”
“Let’sfollowthistrainofthought,”Stefannounced.“Youwentthroughashittimeasateenager,whichthankstopubertyisalreadyhorrible.”
“Fair.”
“Stickwithmehere,”hecontinued.“Soyougrowup,moveaway,becomefiercelyindependent,andtakeadangerousjob.Why?”
“Why?”Irepeated.“IguesstoprovethatI’mstrong.ThatI’mnotthesameweak,helplessgirlIusedtobe.”
“Youareabadass,”Stefagreed.
“Tobadasses,”Naomisaid,heftinghernearlyemptywineglass.
“Savethetoast,Witty.I’mabouttoblowyourminds,”Stefinsisted.
“Blowaway,”Sloanesaid,restingherchininherhands.
“Whoareyouprovingyourselfto?”Stefaskedme.
Ishrugged.“Everyone?”
StefpointedatSloane.“Makethebuzzernoiseagain.”
“Errrrrrrr!”
Halfthebarturnedtolookatus.
“Itakeityoudon’tagree?”IpromptedStef.
“Herecomesmybrilliance.Ifyourfamilydoesn’tknowwhatyoudoforaliving,theyareunawareofyourprofessionalbadassery.Andifyourcolleaguesdon’tknowaboutyourhistory,theyhavenoideahowimpressiveyoureallyarebecausetheydon’tknowwhatyouhadtoovercometogethere.”
“What’syourpoint?”
“Theonlyonelefttoproveanythingtoisyou.Andifyoudon’trealizewhatastrong,capablebadassyouare,youhaven’tbeenpayingattention.”
“Thatfeltalittleanticlimactic.Buthe’snotwrong,”Naomisaid.
“Notdoneyet,”Stefsaid.“Ithinkyouaren’tactuallytryingtoprovethatyou’reabadass.Ithinkyouspendallyourenergytryingtosmotheranyhintofvulnerability.”
“Ooooooh!AndNashmakesyoufeelvulnerable,”Sloaneguessedgleefully.
“Soyousabotageanychanceatrealintimacybecauseyoudon’twanttobevulnerableagain,”Naomiadded.“Okay.Thatwasclimactic.”
Stefgaveamockbow.“Thankyouforappreciatingmygenius.”
I’dbeenvulnerablebefore.Flatonmybackonthatsoccerfield.Inallthosehospitalbeds.Inthatoperatingroom.Icouldn’tprotectmyselforsavemyself.Iwasatthemercyofotherpeople,mylifeintheirhands.
Ishookmyhead.“Hangon.Vulnerabilityisweakness.WhywouldIeverwanttobeweakagain?Backmeuphere,Joel.”
Thebartender’sgazeflickedtomeashesenttwoshotglassesslidingdownthebartoacustomerwithapinkmohawk.
“Beingvulnerabledoesn’tmeanyou’reweak.Itmeansyoutrustyourselftobestrongenoughtohandlethehurt.It’sactuallythepurestformofstrength.”
Sloanewiggledherfingersathertemplesandmadeanexplodingsound.“Mindofficiallyblown,”sheslurred.
“Thatwasfuckin’beautiful,Joel,”thebikerwiththemohawksaid.Themanmoppedathiseyeswithadrinknapkin.
I’dspentmyentireadultlifeprovingIwasinvincible,capable,independent.Ilivedalone,workedalone,tookvacationsalone.TheonlywayIcouldgetmoreindependentwasifIenteredintoamonogamousrelationshipwithmyvibrator.TobetoldIwastakingthecoward’swayoutdidn’tsitwellwithme.
“Look,Iappreciatethesuperfungameof‘let’sanalyzewhat’swrongwithLina.’Butthefactis,everytimeIhavetooperatewithintheboundsofarelationship,whetherit’spersonalorprofessional,peoplegethurt.”
“Thatdoesn’tmeanyoucan’tbeinarelationship.Itjustmeansyou’renotgoodatit,”Naomisaid,gesturingwithherwine.
“Gee,thanks,”Isaiddryly.
Naomiheldupafingeranddrainedherglass.“Nobodyisgoodatitatfirst.Noonehasanaturaltalentforbeinginarelationship.Everyonehastolearnhowtobegoodatit.Ittakesalotofpracticeandforgivenessandvulnerability.”
“Shit,”Stefmuttered.Hestoodandsquaredhisshoulders.“Ifyouladieswillexcuseme,Ineedtomakeaphonecall.Mindkeepinganeyeonthem,Joel?”
Thebartenderthrewhimasalute.
“It’snotjustthatI’mbadatrelationships,”Isaid,returningtotheoriginalpoint.“Idon’twanttobetieddown.IwanttobefreetodowhatIwant.Topursuealifethatsuitsme.”
“Idon’tthinkthosethingshavetobemutuallyexclusive.”
“Boom!”Sloanesaid,slappingahandtothebar.Themoreshedrank,thelouderthelibrarian’ssoundeffectsgot.
“I’mnotgoingtofindamanouttherewho’sgoingtobecontentfollowingmearound,workingremotelyinshittymotelswhileItrackdownstolengoods.AndifIdid,Iprobablywouldn’twanthim.”
Naomihiccupped.
“Seriously?Youtoo?Didyouguyspregamebeforeyoucametogetme?”Iasked.
Sheshruggedandgrinned.“ImadeawrapforlunchandWaylonstoleitoffmyplatewhenIwasn’tlooking.I’manemptystomachlightweight.”
Islidthebowlofnutsinherdirection.“Soakupthatalcohol.”
Atallbikerwithaneyepatchandabandannasaunteredup.
“No,”Isaidwhenheopenedhismouth.
“Youdidn’tevenknowwhatIwasgoingtosay,”hecomplained.
“Nowedon’twantadate,aride,orforyoutotellusyourpenis’snickname,”Isaid.
Sloaneraisedherhand.“Actually,I’dliketoknowthepenisnickname.”
Thebikerpuffedouthischestandhikeduphispants.“It’sLongJohnSilver…causeit’spierced.Now,whowantsapersonalintroduction?”
“Happynow?”IaskedSloane.
“I’mbothhappyanddisgusted.”
Iturnedbacktothebiker.“Goawayunlessyouwanttobecomepartofatherapysession.”
“Hittheroad,Spider,”Joelsaidfrombehindthebar.
“Trytogetalittleactionandeverybodygetspissy,”Spidermutteredashestompedaway.
“Wait,IthinkIwasabouttomakeasupersmartpoint,”Naomisaid.Shescruncheduphernoseand,deepinthought,mainlinedtherestofherwine.“Aha!”
“Aha!”Sloaneechoed.
Naomiwiggledonherstoolandclearedherthroat.“AsIwassaying,you’recomparingwhatyou’redoingnowtowhatyoucouldbedoinginthefuture.”
“Um,isn’tthatwhateveryonedoes?”
“There’sasubtledifference,”sheinsisted,slurringalittleonthewordsubtle.“ButIforgetwhatitis.”
Sloaneleanedinonmyotherside.Well,morelikefellintothebar.“Whatmyesteemedcolleagueistryingtosayisthatjustbecauseyouwantthefreedomtomakeyourownchoicesdoesn’tmeanyouhavetobealone.”
NaomisnappedherfingersinSloane’sface.“Yes!That!That’swhatIforgot.Whatyoudoorhaveandhowyoufeelaretwoseparateconstructs.Forinstance,peoplewillsay‘Iwantamilliondollars,’butwhattheyreallywantistofeelfinanciallysecure.”
“Okaaaaaaay.”Idrewouttheword.
“Youwanttofeellikeyouhavethepowertomakeyourowndecisions.Thatdoesn’tmeanthatyouhavetostayanindependentbountyhunterladyforever.Orthatyouhavetonotfindagreatguytohavehotsexandtakeoutdinnersinbedwith.Itjustmeansthatyouhavetofindarelationshipwhereyoucanbeyourselfandmakesureyourneedsaremet.”
“I’mgladyouremembered,becausethat’saverysmartpointandyou’reverypretty,”SloanesaidtoNaomi.
“Thankyou.Ithinkyoumakesmartprettytoo!”
“Aww!Grouphug!”
“Youguysareabusingyourhugprivileges,”Icomplainedastheybothfellonmeagain.
“Wecan’thelpit.We’rereallyproudofyou,”Naomisaid.
“Wantmetospraythemdown?”Joeloffered,holdingupthesodahose.
Isighed.“Letthemhavetheirmoment.”TWENTY-FOUR
PECANPIEPUNCHANDPOINTYELBOWS
Lina
“Idon’twannagohome,”SloanewhinedasIsteeredhertowardmycarintheparkinglot.
“I’mhungry,”Naomisang.
“Wheredoyouthinkyou’regoing?”IaskedStefashebegantopeelofffromus.
Helookedguiltyandnervous.“I,uh,calledJeremiahandaskedhimifhewantedtograbdinner.Andhesaidyes.So…I’mgoingtodinnerwithahotbarber.”
Naomipouncedonhim.“I’m.So.Proud.Of.You,”shesaid,slappinghiminthechestoneachword.
Herubbedhispectorals.“Ow.”
“Textuseverythirtyseconds.Betteryet,livestreamyourdate!”Sloanesaid,bouncingonhertoes.
“Oooh!Yes!We’llcommentandletyouknowifwethinkit’sgoingwell,”Naomichimedin.
“Yousureyoucanhandlethetipsytwins?”Stefaskedme.
“No.But—”
“I’mpretendingyousaidyes,”hesaid,backingawaywithawickedgrin.
“Havefunandtrynottoscarehimoff,”Icalledafterhim.
MaybeStefwasreadytogetcrushedlikeaspottedlanternfly,butIstillwasn’tconvincedthatvulnerabilitywastheultimatestrength.Itsoundedtomemoreliketheultimatewaytogetyourhearttrampled.
SloanegrabbedNaomi’sarmandtheybothalmostwentdown.“OhmyGod.Weforgottotellhertheotherthing.”
“Tellwhowhat?AmIher?”Iasked,steadyingthemontheirfeet.
Naomigasped,releasingacloudofchardonnay-scentedbreath.“Itotallyforgot!WehadanideaonwhoyoucouldtalktoaboutwhereDuncanHugomighthideacar.”
“Really?Who?”
“Grim,”Naomisaid.
“What’sagrim?”
“He’samotorcycleclubleader…er,boss?Maybeprimeminister?Anyway,heknowseverythingthathappens,”Naomisaid.
“HeknewwhereNaomiwaswhenshegotkidnappedbecausehewaswatchingDuncanHugo,”Sloanefilledin.
“Also,he’ssuperniceandtaughtmehowtoplaypoker,”Naomiadded.
“HowdoIreachthismotorcycleclubprimeministerGrim?”Iasked.
“Ihavehisnumber.Oranumber.Inevercalledit,buthegaveittome,”Naomiexplained.
Sloane’seyeslitupasifinspirationhadjuststruck.“Youguys!Iknowthisplacewiththebestpecanpieintheuniverse.”
Naomisquealed.“Ilovepie.”
“Isitwithinthetristatearea?”Iasked.
Ireturnedtothetablejustastheserverdeliveredthreeslicesofwhatadmittedlylookedlikeaprettydamngoodpecanpie.
“Didyoutalktosexy,dangerousbikerguy?”Sloaneasked.
“Ididnot.”I’dcalledthenumberNaomigaveme,butafterthreerings,therewasabeep.I’dleftavaguemessagerequestingacallback,notevenknowingifitwasrecordingwhatIsaid
“Ohmygoodness,”Naomisaidwithherforkstillinhermouth.“Thisisthebestpieever.”
Isatdownandwasjustpickingupmyforkwhenmyphonerang.Ilookedatthescreen.
“Shit.”
“Isithim?”myfriendsdemandedinhigh-pitchedunison.
“It’snot,”Iassuredthemandslidoutofmychairagain.
“Hey,Lewis,”Ianswered,headingpastthehoststationtothevestibule.“How’sitgoing?”
“Great.Good.Okay.Well,kindofshitactually,”mycoworkersaid.
Guiltmanifesteditselfasaninstanttensionheadache.“Iheardyouwerebacktowork.”
“Deskduty,”heclarified.“Whichispartoftheproblem.Ihaveasituationhereandneedyourhelp.”
YetanotherreasonwhyIdidn’tdorelationships.
“Whatdoyouneed,Lew?”
“Yeah,sorememberthattimeIjumpedoffaroofandbrokemyass?”
Iwinced.“Iremember.”Vividly.
“Andrememberhowyousaidifyoucoulddoanythingtohelpme,youwould?”
“Vaguely,”Isaidthroughclenchedteeth.Behindme,NaomiandSloanehadstruckupaconversationwithanelderlycouplewearingmatchingsweatshirts.
“Today’syourluckyday,”Lewisannounced.
Isighed.“Whatdoyouneed?”
“IgotanFTAwhojustpoppeduponthegridinyourneckofthewoods.”
FTAwasbountyhunterspeakfor“failuretoappear,”alabelslappedonpeoplewhoskippedoutoncourtdates,endangeringthemoneybailbondscompaniescoughedupfortheirfreedom.“YouknowIswitchedtoassetsforareason,”Iremindedhim.
I’dpaidmyduesforoneverylongyearasabailenforcementagentbeforemakingtheswitchtoassetrecoveryinvestigations.
“Yeah,butyou’resogoodatit.Moreimportantly,you’rerightthere.Ican’tgetanyoneelsetherebeforetomorrow.”
“I’minchargeoftwointoxicatedwomenrightnow.Ican’tjustleavethemtofendforthemselves.They’llendupwithmatchingtattooedeyeshadow.”
“Takethemalong.Thisguyisn’tdangerous.He’sjuststupid.Well,technicallyhe’scrazysmart,whichmakeshimstupid.”
Iwasfamiliarwiththetype.
“ShowyourfriendshowLegsSolavitarunsdownabadguy.”
“Whatdidheskipon?”
“Atwo-million-dollarbond.”
“Twomillion?Whatthehelldidhedo?”
“Hackedintothestate’sDMV,createdabunchoffakeIDs,thensoldthemonline.”
Computernerdsweregenerallylessdangeroustoapprehendthan,say,murderersorotherviolentoffenders.Allyouhadtodowasgrabtheirlaptopandthenuseittolurethemintothebackseatofyourcar.ButIstillwasn’ttakingchanceswithmyverynew,verydrunkfriends.
“Idon’tthinkit’sagoodidea,Lew.”
“Look.Ihatetoplaythiscard,butyouoweme.I’llsplitthepayoutwithyou.”
“Ihateyouandyourbustedass.”Igroaned.“I’lldoittomorrow.”
“Actually,it’sgottabeinthenexthour.He’sskippingtownandIdon’tknowwherehe’lllandnext.Ineedhimincustody.”
“Damnit,Lew.”IpeeredthroughtheglassatNaomiandSloane.“Youswearhe’snotdangerous?”
“I’dsendmyowngrandmatopickhimupifshelivedcloser.”
Isighed.“Fine.Butthismeanswe’reeven.”
“EvenSteven,”hepromised.
“Andnomorejokesaboutmebustingyourass,”Iadded.
“I’lltextyoutheaddressandapic.Thankyou.You’rethebest.I’mhangingupnowbeforeyouchangeyourmind.Bye!”hesaidquicklybeforedisconnectingthecall.
Swearingundermybreath,Iheadedbackinside,myheadachebloominglikeadamnrose.
“Hey,LinaBo-Bina!Wantsomefries?”Sloaneasked.
Ilookedatthetable.NaomiandSloanehadeatentheirpieandmypieandthenmovedontotheFrenchfriestheelderlycoupleleftbehind.
Iflaggeddowntheserver.“CanIgiveyouahundred-dollartiptobabysitthesetwowhileIgorunanerrand?”
Sheblewherauburnbangsoutofherface.“Sorry,honey.I’mnotfallingforthatoneagain.”Shepointedtoasignonthewall.Itread,Unattendeddrunkswillbearrested
Crap.
“What’swrong,LinaWeena?”Naomiasked.“Youlooksad.”
“Orconstipated,”Sloaneadded.“Doyouneedmorefiberinyourdiet?”
“IneedtogotoworkforanhourorsoandIdon’tknowwhattodowithyoutwo.HowdoyoufeelaboutcheckingintoahotelandsittingquietlyinaroomuntilIgetback?”
Sloanegavemeathumbs-up,thenflippeditupsidedownandblewaraspberry.
“I’lltakethatasano.”
“DidyoufindHuncanDugo?”sheasked.Herglasseswereaskew.
“No.Ihavetofindanotherpersonforacoworker.”
“Letushelp!I’msogoodatfindingstuff.Yesterday,KnoxlookedfortheketchupfortenminutesintherefrigeratorandIfounditinhalfasecond!”Naomiannounced.
“Thanks,butIdon’twantyourhelp.IwantyoutwotostayoutofthewaywhileIgocatchabailjumper.DoyouthinkyoucouldpretendtobesoberforaslongasittakesKnoxtodrivedownhereandpickyouup?”
Theyexchangedglances,thenshooktheirheadsanddissolvedintogiggles.
“I’lltakethatasano.”
“We’recomingwithyou,”Naomisaidfirmly.
“No,you’renot,”Isaidjustasfirmlyandwithoutslurring.
“Itoldyoutostayinthecar,”IsaidasImuscledmyFTAdownthesidewalk.Myfacehurt,myhipached,Iwassweatingprofusely,andmyfavoritesweaterwasruined.
“Sorry,”Naomisaid,tryingtolookcontrite.
“Wehelpedyoucatchhim,”Sloanesaiddefiantly.Naomielbowedher.“Oh,Imean,sorry.”
“IshouldhavelefttownwhenIhadthechance,”ImutteredasIlimpedaroundtheblock.
“Ow!Theseziptieshurt!”
MelvinMurtaugh,a.k.a.ShadowReaper,wasnoviolentcriminal.Thesecondhe’dseenmereachformyrestraints,he’dboltedoutofthekeggerhiscousinwashosting.I’dfollowedhimouttheback,offthericketyporch,anddownthealley.
ThekidwaswearingsneakersandIwasinheeledboots,butmyathleticprowessandcardioendurancewerewaymoreeffectiveinafootracethanhiskeyboardskills.
He’dalsomadethemonumentalmistakeofpausingatthealleyentrance,distractedbysomething.
That“something”turnedouttobeNaomiandSloaneplayingdrunkensidekicks.
Ithadgivenmeenoughtimetotacklehimtotheground.Iwasgettingrusty.Iusedtoknowexactlyhowtoexecuteatacklewhileusingthetackleeasacushionforlanding.Thistime,myhipandshoulderhadmadedirect,painfulcontactwiththeasphaltwhilemyfacehadbouncedoffMelvin’ssharpelbow.
ThiswaswhyI’dswitchedfrombountiestoassetrecovery.Peopleweretoomuchapainintheass…andface.
“Wherearemyglasses?Ican’tseeanythingwithoutmyglasses!”
“YoushouldhavethoughtofthatbeforeyouranwhenItoldyounotto,”Itoldhim,soundinglikeanannoyedmotherdealingwithateenagesonwhoneverbotheredtopickhisunderwearupoffthefloor.
Ihookedmyhandinthebackofhisshirtandmarchedusallbacktothecar.Thankgoodnessitwasn’taneighborhoodoverrunwithcarthieves,becausemytwodrunkenchargeshadlefttheCharger’sdoorswideopen.
“Oops,”Naomisaidwhenshespottedthecar.“Iguessweforgottoclosethedoors.”
“Itwasthethrillofthechase,”Sloanesaid.
“Youweren’tsupposedtobepartofthechase.Youweresupposedtowaitinthecar.Andyou,”Isaid,tighteningmygriponthesquirmyhacker,“weresupposedtomakeyourcourtdate.”
“IfIgotocourt,they’regoingtosendmetojail,”hewhined.
“Uh,yeah.That’swhat’ssupposedtohappenwhenyoucommitafelony.”
Hegroaned.“Mymomisgonnakillme.”
“Thatwassobadassthewayyouflyingtackledhim,”Sloanesaid,enteringtheconversation.“Canyouteachmehowtodothat?”
“No,”IsaidterselyandshovedMelvinintothebackseatbyhishead.“Stay.”Ishutthedoorandturnedbacktomyfriends,whodidnotlooknearlycontriteenough.“Thisisadangerousjob.You’renottrainedtohandlethesekindsofsituations.SowhenItellyoutostayinthecar,youstayinthecar.”
“Friendsdon’tletfriendsbeindangeralone,”Naomisaidsternly.“WhenWaylayandIwereabducted,youandSloaneshowedupforus.SloaneandIjustshowedupforyou.”
“Thedifferenceis,Iwasn’tabducted,Naomi.Iwasdoingmyjob.Well,IwasdoingLewis’sjob.ButI’vebeentrainedforthis.Ihaveexperienceinthesesituations.Neitherofyoudo.”
Sloanepouted.“Don’tyouevenwanttoknowhowwedistractedhim?”
“IthrewabagofdogpoopIfoundonthesidewalkathim.”Naomipreened
Thatexplainedthesmell.Iwasdefinitelygoingtoneedtohavemycardetailed.
“AndIyelledandflashedhimmyboobs,”Sloaneannouncedproudly.
Ifithadbeenanytwoothercivilians,Iwouldhavebeenimpressed.ButallIcouldthinkofwasthefactthatNaomiandSloanewillinglyputthemselvesindangerforme.AndthatInowhadtomakeaphonecallIreallydidn’twanttomake.
Isighed.“Ihavetomakeacall.StayhereandkeepaneyeonMelvin.Donotgetinthecar.Donotwanderaway.Donotbefriendanyhomicidalmaniacsroamingthestreets.”
“She’sjustmadbecauseshedidn’tgetanypie,”SloanewhisperedtoNaomiasIdialed.
Knoxpickeduponthefirstring.
“What’swrong?Whyisn’tStefsendingupdatesanymore,andwhyisn’tmyfiancéeansweringmytexts?”
“Nothing’swrong.Stefhadtoleaveearly,andasforNaomi”—IglancedovermyshouldertowhereNaomiandSloanewereposingforselfies—“she’snotansweringyourtextsbecausesheandSloanearebusytryingoutalltheSnapchatfilters.”
“Whyareyoucalling?Aren’twepissedateachother?”
“I’mnotsure.Ican’tkeepup.”
“Good.Thenifwewerefighting,let’scallitover.”
ThisiswhyIlikedbeingfriendswithmen.Itwasjusteasier.
“Agreed.Ineedafavor.Twoactually.Ineedyoutonotgetjustifiablypissedoff,andIneedaridefortwointoxicatedwomenwhorefusetolistentome.”
“What’swrongwithyourcar?”
“It’scurrentlyoccupiedbyacriminalmastermindinzipties.”
“Fuck.”
“Ifyouletmego,I’llhackintotheIRSsoyouneverhavetopaytaxesagain,”Melvinofferedfromthebackseat.
“Don’ttalk,”Igrowled.
Withthewindowsdown,windbuffetedusfromallsidesathighwayspeeds.Ithelpedwiththesmellofdogshit.
“Thatbeardytattooguylookedlikehewasgoingtoripmyarmsoffandbeatmetodeathwiththem.Ithoughthewasgoingtobreaktheglassjusttogettome.”
Aspredicted,Knoxhadnotbeenhappy.FirstwithmeforallowingNaomiandSloanetotalkmeintobringingthemalong,thenwithNaomiandSloanefordeliberatelyputtingthemselvesinharm’sway,andfinallywithMelvinforsmashingmyface.
Ihadn’ttakenagoodlookinthemirroryet,butjudgingfromKnox’sreactionandthehot,swollenfeelingundermyeye,IguessedIdidn’tlooksogreat.
“That’showheusuallylooks,”Iassuredhim.
“Heblamedmeforyourface.Canyoubelievethat?Ididn’thityou,”Melvinscoffed.
“Yourflailingelbowdid.”
“Yourfacehitmyflailingelbow.I’mprobablygoingtohaveabruisetoo.”
Ipusheddownontheacceleratorandhopedtherespondingroarofrpmswoulddrownoutmypassenger.ThesoonerIcouldturnthisguyin,thesoonerIcouldgoicemyentirebody.
“I’llbesuretosendadoctortoyourcell,”Isaiddryly.
“Whereareyoutakingme?”
“TheKnockemoutPoliceDepartment.”Itwasn’tideal,butFTAsneededtobehandedovertopolicecustody,andKnockemoutwastheclosestfullystaffeddepartment.Also,Imayhavecalledaheadtogivethemaheads-up…andtomakesurethatNashwasofftonight.
ThelastthingIneededwasarun-inwithhim.
“Canweatleastlistentosomemusic?”Melvingrumbled.
“Yes,wecan.”IturnedupthestereoandtooktheexitforKnockemout.
Weweretwomilesfromtownlimitswhenredandbluelightslitupmyrearviewmirror.
Iglanceddownatthespeedometerandwinced.
“Ha!Busted,”mypassengersnickered.
“Shutup,Melvin.”
Ipulledoverontotheshoulderoftheroad,putmyhazardlightson,anddugoutmyregistrationbythetimetheofficergottomywindow.
WhenNashMorganshinedhisflashlightinmyeyes,Iknewthiswasnotmynight.TWENTY-FIVE
SPEEDINGTICKET
Nash
“Getoutofthecar.”
“You’renotsupposedtobeworkingtonight,”shemuttered,grippingthewheel.
“Get.Out.Of.The.Car.Angelina,”Iorderedthroughgrittedteeth.
“Help!Thiswomankidnappedme!”theidiotinthebackseatshouted.
“Shutup,Melvin,”Linasnapped.
Iyankedopenherdoor.“Don’tfuckwithme,Angel.”
Shereleasedherseatbeltandsteppedoutofthecarandintomybody.Iknewbetter.KnewIcouldn’ttrustmyselfthisclosetoher.Buthadn’titalreadybeenaforegoneconclusionwhenGravehadfilledmeinonthesituation?
SomehowI’dknownitwouldendlikethis.
“Areyougonnabackuporjuststandhereandcrowdmeallnight?”shehissed,doingherbesttostanddefiantlyinfrontofmeandstillshrinkawayfrommakinganyphysicalcontact.Thatkilledme.
Herjeansweretornononeknee.Therewasdirtalloverhersweaterandjacket.AndIthoughtIcaughtahintofalimp.Butitwasherfacethatsentmybloodpressureskyrocketing.
“Hedothis?”Idemanded,grippingherchinandtiltingherheadsoIcouldseethebruising.Angerwasalivingthingundermyskin.Itateatmeandtookeveryounceofcontrolnottounleash.
Shereachedupandgrippedthewristofthehandthatheldherface,butIdidn’tletgo.“Theonlythinghe’sguiltyofbesideshackingintostatedatabasesishavingpointyelbows.”
“WhyareyoubringinginanFTA?”
Sherolledhereyesinsolently.“CanweskipoverthepartwhereyoupretendtocaresoIcanbeonmyway?I’vehadalongday.”
“Don’tlistentoher!Ididn’tskipoutonbail!Iwasinnocentlywalkinghomefromreadingtoshelterdogswhenshetackledmeinanalleyandthreatenedme,”herpassengerwhined.
“Shutup,Melvin,”LinaandIsaidinunison.
Ipulledheraroundthetrunkofhercarandtookinventoryofherinmyheadlights.“Areyouhurtanywhereelse?”Thebruisingunderhercheekwasuglyandswollen.Ihateditwitheveryfiberofmybeing.
Shebattedmyhandsaway.“Isthispartofalltrafficstopsnow?”
Havingherthisclosewasn’tjustfryingmycircuits.Itwasdestroyingthem.
Theangerthatbubbledupinsidewantedtoclawitswayoutofmythroatandletitselflooseontheworld.Iwasn’tcoldnow.Iwasn’temptynow.Iwasavolcanoabouttoerupt.
“Itwasanaccident.”Lina’stonewascalm,almostbored.Hervoicewasabeautifulpoisoninmyveins.
“Yousaidyourecoveredassets,nothunteddownpeople,”Iremindedher.
“Ido.Sobeforeyoucallmealiaragain,someonecalledinafavor.Notthatit’sanyofyourbusiness.”
Shekeptsayingthingslikethat.Thingsthatweretechnicallytrue.
ButdespitethefactthatIwasfuriouswithher,thatI’dinsistedIwasdonewithher,Ineededtoknowshewasokay.Ineededtoknowwhathadhappened.Ineededtofuckingtakecareofit
ShewasmybusinessandIwasn’tdonewithher.Iwasjustgettingstarted.Iacceptedthetruth,pretendingthatIhadachoice.
“Whocalledinafavor?Whoaskedyoutodothis?”
“Jesus,Nash.Relax.Nolawswerebrokenandyoursister-in-lawandfriend—despitebeingdrunkenpainsintheasswhorefusedtofolloworders—aresafe.Knoxpickedthemupanddrovethemhome.”
“Irealizethat.”ThefactthatmybrotherthoughtitwisetoleaveLinaalonetohandleacriminalonherownwasanotherissuethatwasgoingtohavetoberaised.Mostlikelywithfists.
Fuck.
Theemotionssheraisedinmeweredangerous.Gonewastheeven-keeledlawmanwithabadge.Gonewastheemptyshellofaman.Inhisplacewasafire-breathingdragonthatwantedtolaywastetoeverything.
IwonderedifthiswashowKnoxfeltmostofthetime.
Ireachedoutandcuppedherchinagain,anglingherbeautifulfacesoIcouldexaminethebruising.Touchingher,evenjustlikethis,litsomethinginsideme.
“Youneedice.”
“I’dgettoitfasterifyouweren’tholdingmeup.”
Iblewoutabad-temperedbreath.“Gethimoutofthecar.”
“What?”
“Gethimoutofthecar,”Isaid,enunciatingslowly.
“Ohno.I’mnotfallingforthat.I’mdrivingthisass’sasstothestationandgettingareceipt.Thenhe’sallyours.”
“Idon’twantyoutransportinghim,”Isaid.Awaveofpossessivenesswashedawayallrationalthought.Ididn’tcare.Ijustneededhersafeandclose.
“Idon’tgiveashitwhatyouwant,”shesnarled.
“I’llgiveashitenoughforthetwoofus.Gethisassoutofyourcar.”
Shecrossedherarms.“No.”
“Fine.”Isteppedbackandstartedtoroundthecar.“I’lldoit.”
ShegrabbedmyarmandIreveledinthetouch.“YoutakeanotherstepnearmyFTAandI’ll…”
“You’llwhat?”Ichallengedwhenshetrailedoff.Iwantedhertopushback.Wantedtomeetinthemiddleinatangleofangerandlust.
“Whyareyoudoingthis?”shehissed,shovingherfingersintoherhair.
“WishIknew,sweetheart.”ButIdidknow.Shecouldlietome.Shecouldputherselfindanger.Shecouldavoidmeorhateme.ButIstillwouldn’tbeabletoleaveheralone.BecauseIwasn’tdonewithher.
IhatedmyselfforhowmuchIwantedher.
“Idon’tbelongtoyou.Ididn’tbreakthelaw.TheonlythingIwasindangerofwasbruisingmyegotakingthisidiotdown.Sounlessyouwanttoabuseyourauthorityanddetainme,Isuggestyouletmedomyjob.”
“Idon’twanttocare,youknow.”
“PoorNash.Areyoubeingforcedtoplaytheheroforthevillain?”
Ipinnedheragainstthecarwithmyhips.Hereyesdilated.Herdelicatenostrilsflaredlikeadoescentingdanger.Butherhandshadamindoftheirown.Theygrippedmebytheshirtandheldontight.
“You’replayingadangerousgame,Angel.”
“FromwhereI’mstanding,itlookslikeyou’retheonlyonewho’sgoingtogethurt,”sheshotback.
Iwasstandingonthesideoftheroadcaginganangrywomanagainstafastcar.Myheartbeathammeredinmyhead,asteadythrummingthatmatchedthethrobinmycock.Shewasn’tthesafechoice,thesmartchoice.Butforsomeelectrifyinglystupidreason,mybodythoughtthiswomanwholivedherlifeinthegrayareawastherightchoice.
Icuppedherjawandranmythumboverherlowerlip.Thelightinhereyeschangedfromfurytosomethingjustasdangerous.Iwasvibratingwithneed.Icouldn’ttrustmyselftobethisclosetoher.
ButjustwhenI’dnearlytalkedmyselfintopullingback,shenippedthepadofmythumbwithherteeth.
Thetinyzingofpainshotthroughme,downmyspine,andzeroedinonmyballs.
Icouldfeelherheartracingagainstmychest.
Webothmovedatthesametime.Idippedatthekneesjustasshespreadherlegs,makingroomforme.
This.Now.Her.
Myblooddemandedmore.AnyperformancefearsIhadevaporatedintothenight,burnedoffbytheheatoflust.Ineededtomakehermine.Toprovetohershebelongedtoonlyme.Slidingmyhandsunderherknees,Iyankedupandout,spreadingherlegsuntilmyerectionnestledatthejunctureofherthighs.Evenfullyclothed,thefeelofherbodywelcomingminewasalmosttoomuchtobear.
“Ineedyou—”
“Idon’twanttoneedyou,butIdo,”Isaid,nuzzlingmyfaceintothesilkysmoothskinofherneck.
“Damnit,Nash,”shebreathed.“Ineedyoutobackupandletmebreathe.”
Istilledagainstherbutdidn’tmoveback.Icouldn’t.Thepulseinherthroatflutteredjustbeneathmylips.
“Nash.Please?Justbackupandletmebreathe.”
Itwasthepleasethatdamnedme.Iwouldgiveheranything,aslongasshegavemeeverything.
Ibitoutacurseandsteppedback,lettingherslidetotheground.
“IfI’mnotgoingtobeyouremotionalsupportfuck,Isureashellwon’tbeyourhatefuck.”
“Angel.”
Sheheldupahand.“We’vealreadyprovedwecan’ttrusteachother.AndI’mprettysurewejustprovedwecan’ttrustourselvestobeanywhereneareachother.”
“Idon’tknowhowlongIcanfightthis,”Iconfessed.
Sheleveledmewithalook.“Tryharder.”
“Iamtrying.I’mfuriouswithyou.Youbetrayedmytrust.”
“Ohplease,”shescoffed.“IwasmorehonestwithyouthanIhavebeenwithanyone.Youjustrefusetoacknowledgethatthere’sawholeworldouttherebeyondtheblackandwhite.”
“AsIwassaying,Ican’tstopthinkingabouthowmadIamatyou.ButallIwanttodoisgetdownonmykneesandburymyfacebetweenyour—”
Sheslappedahandovermymouth.
“Don’tfinishthatsentence.We’redangeroustoeachother.Ican’tkeepmyheadonstraightwhenyou’retouchingme.We’retheworstdecisionwecouldmake.AndifI’mtheonesayingthat,itmeanssomething.”
Butforonceinmylife,Iwasn’tworriedaboutconsequences.Iwasn’tthinkingsixstepsdowntheroad.AllIknewforcertainwasthatIwantedher.Eventhoughshe’dlied.Eventhoughshe’dhurtme.Eventhoughshewantedtofightmeoneverything.
IwantedAngelinaSolavita.
“Excuseme?Iknowyoutwoareinthemiddleofafight,butIreallyhavetopee.”
“Shutup,Melvin!”
IrodetheassoftheredChargertheentirewaytothestation,notgivingheraninchofbreathingroom.Whenwearrived,IwasoutofmySUV,openingthedoorofhercarbeforeshe’devenshutofftheengine.
“Backoff,hotshot,”Linawarned.
ButIwasalreadyhaulingthescrawnyfelonoutofthebackseat.“Let’sgo,asshole,”Isaid.
“Ifeellikethename-callingisuncalledfor,”hecomplained.
“What’suncalledforarebruisesonherface,”Isaid,spinninghimaroundtolookatLina.Seeingherhurtunleashedsomethinguglyinsideme.Somethingthatwantedtosweepallherinfractionsundertherug.Somethingthatwantedtokeepherclosesonooneelsecouldgetnearher.
“Itoldyou,she’stheonewhotackledmeafterthebrunettehitmewithdogpoopandtheblondshowedmeherboobs.It’snotmyfaultshegotbangedup.”
IshotalookatLina.Sheshrugged.“NaomiandSloane,”shesaidbywayofexplanation.
“Listen,I’mreallyhungry,”Melvinwhined.“Iranoutofmycousin’splacebeforedinner.YouthinkIcouldgetsomecrispynuggiesormaybesomeofthosesmileyfacemashedpotatothings?Youknow,comfortfood.I’mfeelingprettystressedout.”
Christ.Didhismomstillcutthecrustsoffhisbreadtoo?
“Ifyouapologizetotheladyforassaultingher,I’llfeedyou.”
“I’msorryyourfaceranintomyelbow,Lina.Honest.MymomwouldkickmyassifIeventhoughtabouthurtingalady.”
“Apologyaccepted,”Linasaid.Sheturnedtome.“Nowgivemethereceipt.”
“Let’sgo,”Imuttered,pushingMelvinaheadofus.
“Damn,gorgeous.Whatthehellhappenedtoyou?”GraveaskedLinawhenwetroopedinside.
“Pointyelbows,”sheexplained.
“Igotthemfrommydad.Mostofhisbodypartsaresharpandpointy,”Melvinannounced.“Soaboutthosenuggies…”
IshovedMelvinatGravebeforeIwastemptedtojamoneofmyelbowsintohisface.“Domeafavorandtakecareofthis.I’lldealwiththepaperwork.”
Linalookedlikeshewasabouttolasermeinhalfwithhereyes.
“Ihavetomakeacall,”shesaidandstalkedoutintothehallway.
“Gotaprettygoodlimp,”GraveobservedasifIhadn’talreadycatalogedhereverymove.
BythetimeLinacameinside,hidingherlimpasbestshecould,Ihadherpaperworkready.
“ThisisforMurtaugh,”Isaidhandingthefirstslipover.“Andthisisforyou.”
Shetookthesecondslipofpaperandthengavemetheheateddeathstare.“Aspeedingticket?You’rejoking.”
“Pulledyouovergoingfourteenoverthelimit,”Iremindedher.
Shewassomadshesputtered.“You…you…”
“You’vegottwoweekstopayitorcontestit.Though,ifyou’rethinkin’aboutfightin’it,Iwouldn’t.Seein’ashowIwastheonewhopulledyouoverandI’dhavenoqualmsabouttakingadayofftositintrafficcourt.”
Shetookadeepbreathand,whenthatdidn’tseemtocalmherdown,suckedinanotherone.Furyradiatingoffher,shepointedatmeandshookherheadbeforebackingthroughthedoor.
“Yousureyouknowwhatyou’redoingthere,Chief?”Graveasked.
“Nofuckingclue,Hopper.”
InsteadofgoinghomewhereIdidn’ttrustmyselftoleaveLinaalone,Itookmybadmoodoutoftown.MytireskickedupacloudofdustintothenightskyasIspeddownthedirtlane.Thelightswereoninthebighouse,soIslammedonthebrakesandgotoutofmyvehicle.
Istompedupontotheporchandpoundedonthefrontdooruntilitopened.
“Christ.Whatthehellis—?”
Ididn’tgivemybrotherthechancetofinishhissentence.Myfistconnectedwithhisjawandsnappedhisheadback.
“Youfuckingfuck!”hesnarled.
Onepunchdidn’tfeellikeenough.Iwashappierthanapiginshitwhenhebarreledintomygutwithhisshoulder.Wewentflying,smashingthroughtheporchrailingandlandingonaleafybush.
Ikneedhiminthegeneralvicinityofthecrotchandflippedovertogetontopofhim.
Heletmelandanotherpunchtohisfacebeforesneakingonepastmydefenses.Itastedbloodandangerandfrustrationinadeliriouscocktail.
“Whatthefuckisyourproblem?”hedemandedasIsmashedhisfaceintotheshrubbery.
“Youleftheralonetohandleacriminal.”
“JesusChrist,youidiot.Didyougetalookathim?Linaeatsguyslikethatforbreakfast.”
“Hefuckinghurther.”
Ilandedajabtohisribs.Mybrothergrunted,thenrolledmeoffhimwithsomefancylegsweepmove.
Hegrabbedmebythehairandbouncedmyfaceoffthemulch.“Hebruisedher.You’retheassholewhohurther.”
Ithrewanelbowovermyshoulderandfeltitconnectwithhisjaw.
Knoxgrunted,thenspit.“Ifanyoneshouldbekickin’anyone’sass,it’smekickin’yourassformessin’withherhead.She’smyfriend.”
“AndI’myourfuckin’brother,”Iremindedhim.
“Thenwhatarewedoin’fightin’?”
“HowthefuckshouldIknow?”Themadwasstillinme.Thehelplessness.TheneedtotouchherwhenIknewIdidn’thavetherightanymore.
“Knoxy?”Naomisangdrunkenlyfromsomewhereinsidethehouse.
“He’soutsidefightin’withUncleNashintheyard.Theybroketheporch,”Waylayreported.
“Great.Nowyou’regettin’meintrouble,”hecomplained.
Webothfloppedoverontoourbacksontopofthecrushedgreenery.Thestarswerebrilliantpinpointsintheinkyblacksky.
“Youleftheralone,”Isaidagain
“Shecanhandleherself.”
“Doesn’tmeanshehasto.”
“Look,man,whatdoyouwantmetosay?SheneededmetotakeDaisyandSloane,whowereboththreesheetstothedamnwind.IfIdon’teverhearanotherSpiceGirlskaraokesonginmylife,it’llbetoosoon.”
LinaneededKnox.Iletthatfactrattlearoundinmyhead.
Whenshe’dgottenintotrouble,she’dcalledKnoxandnotme.Forgoodreason.Iwasn’tstupidenoughthatIdidn’tseethat.YethereIwas,lyinginthedirt,pissedoffthatI’dcreatedaworldwhereLinawenttosomeoneelsewhensheneededhelp.
“Howdidyoufuckitup?”Knoxasked.
“WhatmakesyouthinkIfuckedanythingup?”
“You’rehererollingaroundinthelandscapingwithmeinsteadofgivingherhell.Whatdidyoudo?”
“WhatdoyouthinkIdid?Ipulledherassoverandgaveheraspeedingticketandarationofshit.”
Hewassilentforalongbeatandthensaid,“You’reusuallybetterwithwomenthanthis.”
“Fuckyou.”
“Ifyouwantmyadvice—”
“WhythehellwouldI?Youcouldn’ttellNaomiyoulovedheruntilshegotabductedinsexhandcuffsbyhersisterandthatasshole.”
“Iwasworkingthroughsomeshit,okay?”
“Yeah,well,soamI.”
“Myadviceisworkthroughitfasterifyouwantashotwithher.Shewaspackin’asuitcasetoday.NaomisaidsheandSloanehadtopracticallytwistherarmtoagreetostaylongenoughforthemtogoout.”
“Packing?”
“Saidshewasgonnamovebackintothemoteluntilsomeoneelsecouldreplaceheronthecase.Thenshewasgoinghome.”
Leaving?
Absolutelyfuckingnot.
Linawasn’tgoinganywhere.Notuntilwe’dhashedthisout.NotuntilIfiguredoutwhyshewasundermyskinandinmyblood.NotuntilIfoundawaytoeithergetheroutorkeepherclose
ButthesewerenotthingsMorganmensaidoutloud.
InsteadIstuckwithourcomfortzone.“Sonowyou’refineifIhookupwithyourfriend?Christ,man,you’refuckin’mercurial.”
“Biteme,asshole.Accordin’toNaomi,Linafeelssomethingrealforyou.Somethingyoudidn’tfullyfuckupyet.Unlessthatspeedingticketputthefinalnailinthatcoffin.Andsinceyou’reoverheremakin’afoolofyourselfoverher,I’mthinkin’maybethere’ssomethingthereworthexploring.”
Iscrapedaleafoffmyface.“Linafeelssomething?Whatdidshesay?”
“Idon’tfuckin’know,”Knoxsaid,irritated.“DazeandSloaneweresingin’itwithBritishaccentsbetweenversesof‘Wannabe.’Askthemoncetheysoberupandleavemethehelloutofit.”
Wewerequietforawhile.Justtwogrownmenlyinginaruinedflowerbedstaringupatthenightsky.
“HeardNaomithrewdogshitattheguyLinawaschasin’andthenSloanedistractedhimbyflashin’himhertits,”Isaid.
Knoxsnortednexttome.“Jesus.Nomoregirls’nightsout.Fromnowon,thethreeofthemgoouttogether,it’swithagoddamnescort.”
“Agreed.”
Weheardthecreakofthescreendoorbutneversawthebucketofcoldwatercoming.Ithitusbothintheface.
Sputteringandswearing,wegottoourfeettofacetheenemyonlytofindNaomi,Waylay,andWaylonontheporchlookingdownatus.
“Nomorefighting,”Naomisaidregally.Thenshehiccupped.
Waylaysnickeredassheturnedthehoseonus.TWENTY-SIX
NASHWHO?
Lina
NashMorgannolongerexistedtome.
ThatwasthemantraIchantedasIpoweredmywaythroughthelastsetofbacksquats.Icouldfocusentirelyonmyworkoutandnotthesweat-slickedchiefofpolicewho,fromthetingleatthebaseofmyspine,hadn’tstoppedglaringatmesincehegothere.
Thephysicalpullofthemanwasoverwhelmingandquitefranklypissedmethehelloff.
“Dropthatbootylower,”Vernonbarked,bringingmebacktomypresentsuffering.
“You…drop…your…booty,”IwheezedasIdugdeep,preparingtoexploitthelastremainingmoleculesofenergyinmylegs.
“Bringithome,Solavita,”Nolancalledfromtheweightbenchbehindme.ApparentlyheandNashhadreachedsomesortofpeaceaccordandwereworkingouttogethernow.
Imanagedtoraisebothmiddlefingersoffthebarandthenmusclemywaybacktostanding.
ThewhoopsofapprovalfrommyelderlyworkoutbuddiesechoedinmyearsasIparkedthebarbackontherackandhingedatthewaisttocatchmybreath.
Unfortunately,IforgottoclosemyeyesandcaughtaglimpseoftheManWhoDidn’tExistfull-onstaringhungrilyatmyass.
Knox,sweatyandgrumpyfromhismorningworkout,walkeduptohisbrother,noticedthedirectionofNash’sgaze,andslammedanelbowintohisgut.
Theybothhadfadingbruisesontheirfaces,butIwassooverNash,Ihadzerointerestinfindingoutwhathappened.
Okay,maybe,like,tenpercentinterest.Fine.Fortypercenttops.
NotthatI’daskeitheroneofthem.KnoxandIhadmaintainedourtentativetruceaslongasneitherofusbroughtupNash.AndNashseemedtohavefinallygottenthemessagethathedidn’texist.Afterthreedaysofmerefusingtoanswermydoorormyphone,he’dstoppedknockingandcalling.
Itwasbetterthisway.We’dprovedonmultipleoccasionsthatwecouldn’tbetrustedinanykindofproximitytoeachother.
Itwasn’tcowardlyofmetotimemyowncomingsandgoingstomakesurewedidn’trunintoeachotheronthestairs.Iwasnotabig,giantchickenfortiptoeingpasthisdoor.Foronce,Iwasmakingthesafe,smartdecision.
Istraightenedandtookalonghitfrommywaterbottle,pretendingIcouldn’tphysicallyfeelNash’sattentiononme.
JustlikeIchosetoignorethelow-levelbuzzofawarenessthatsparkedinmyveinswhenIknewhewasnextdoor,onlyonewallaway.
Well,Istillfoundmyselfstrainingtohearthesoundofhisshower.
ButIwasonlyhuman,okay?
Iwascommittedtothenewandimproved,healthier,slightlymoreboringbutdefinitelyinabetterheadspaceLina.I’dcutbackoncaffeineandalcohol,uppedmyvegetables,andwasonafour-daymeditationstreak.MyPVCshadstoppedforthemostpart.Andnowtherewasnothingelsedistractingmefromtheinvestigation.
I’dleftthreemoremessagesonGrim’sweirdansweringservicebuthadyettogetaresponse.
Thankfully,myresearchteamhadcomethroughforme.MorganmanagedtoworkhernerdmagicandidentifythetwohenchmenfromTina’svaguedescriptions.FaceTattooGuywasStewieCrabb,atwo-timefelonwithadaggertattooedunderhislefteye.ChubbyGoateewasWendellBaker,abeefywhiteguywithashavedheadandaFuManchumustachethatconnectedtoagoatee.Hehadonlydonetimeonceforanassaultcharge.
BothhadbeeninAnthonyHugo’semploysincetheywereteenagersthankstotheirfriendshipwithDuncan.Morganhadn’thadanyluckidentifyingthemysteriousBurnerPhoneGuyyet,butatleastIhadleadsonCrabbandBaker.
I’dsetasidemypropertysearchinfavorofsurveillance.Unfortunatelyforme,watchinglow-levelcriminalhenchmenwhoknewthefedswereprobablykeepinganeyeonthemmostlyinvolvedsittinginalotofstripclubparkinglots.
“Nicejob,”Stefwheezed.HisT-shirtwassoakedfromnecktohemandhisblackhairwasspikeddownthemiddleinasweatyfauxhawk.
“Thanks,”Isaid,suckingdownmorewater.“Ikeepwaitingforittogeteasier,buteverytimeIstillfeellikeI’mgoingtodie.”
Stefgrunted.
“SoareyouevergoingtotellmehowyourdatewentSundayafteryouabandonedmewiththetipsytwins?”
Heclosedhiseyesanddousedhimselfwithwater,butIstillcaughtthecurveofhislips.
“Itwas…fine.”
“Fine?”Irepeated.
“Nice.”Thecurvewasbecomingmorepronounceddespitehisbestefforts.“Ididn’thaveahorribletime.”
Ielbowedhim.“Youliiiiiikehim.Youwannamakeoooooutwithhim.”
“Don’tbeathirdgrader.”
“Didyouendupinatreek-i-s-s-i-n-g?”Iteased.
“Hedidthehandonthelowerbackthingwhenwewalkedintotherestaurant.”
“That’shot.”
“Sohot,”hesaid,takingaswigofwater.Theghostofasmilestillplayedonhismouth.
“Areyougoingtoseehimagain?”
“Maybe,”hesaidsmugly.
“Sothatlittlebarstooltherapysessionwasactuallymeantforyou,notme.”
Stefshotthescowlingpolicechiefaglance.“Ifiguredoneofushadtomanupandtaketheleap.”
“Excuseme,jerk.Themanpulledmeover,yelledatme,andgavemeaspeedingticketfordoingmyjob.”
“I’msureyouweredrivingthespeedlimit.”
“That’snotthepoint.”
SteflookedatNashagain,thenbacktome.Hesmirked.“Likeitornot,there’ssomethingvolcanicbetweenyoutwo.AndIcan’twaittoseewhichoneofyouexplodesfirst.”
“Youwentononedate.Youdon’tgettopullthesmugcommittedrelationshipthingonme.”
“Twodates.Wehadlunchyesterday.I’dlovetostayherewhileyoupretendyouaren’tdyingtogetinNashMorgan’spants,butI’mmeetingJerforcoffee.Don’tfightittoolong.Youmightmissoutonsomethingprettygreat.”
“Biteme,hearteyes.”
Heheadedofftothelockerroomandleftmebroodingbymyself.
“Yo,BFFF!”Mrs.Tweedysauntereduptome,asweattowelslungaroundherneck.“Yourfacelooksbetter.”
“Thanks,”Isaiddryly.Myblackeyewasslowlyfadingtoasicklyyellowgreen.Inafewmoredays,Iwouldn’thavetocoveritwithmakeupanymore.
“You’retakin’megroceryshoppingtoday,”Mrs.Tweedyannounced.
“Iam?”
“Yep!Bereadyinten.”Sheslidthetoweloffherneckandsnappedmeinthebuttwithit.
Rubbingmyabusedasscheek,Igatheredmythings.Itwasagoodthingbadguysdidn’tbothergettingoutofbedbeforenoon,Isupposed.
“Lina.”Nolangaveaheadjerk,signalingformetoswingby.
IgaveNashawideberthandjoinedNolaninfrontofthemirror.
“What’sup?”
Nashwalkedpastmetorerackhisdumbbells,andIfeltthedisturbanceofhisproximity.
OureyesmetinthemirrorandIdeliberatelylookedaway,notwantingtoseewhatthosetroubledblueeyesheld.
“WannagoforadrinktonightafterIputthekidtobed?”HehookedhisthumbinNash’sdirection.
“Thatdepends.”
“Onwhat?”
“Whetheradrinkisjustadrink,seeingashowyoujusttookmyfriendonadate.”
Herolledhiseyes.“I’mnottryingtogetinyourpants,Solavita.”
AdrinkwithafriendwhowasaguysoundedliketheonlykindofsocialinteractionIwasupfor.Thatmeantnotalkingaboutfeelings.Nodealingwithsexualtension.Andnodrunkengalpalstobabysit.
“ThenI’llseeyoutonight.”
“It’sadate,”hesaid,thensmirked.
“You’resuchanass,”Isaidwithaffection.
Thetemperatureinthegymsuddenlydroppedtwentydegrees.Irealizedthatitwasn’taproblemwiththeHVAC.ItwasNashstandingnexttome.Wedidn’tlookateachother,didn’ttouch,butmybrainwassendingoutdangerwarningslikeI’djuststumbledintothegorillaenclosureatthezoo.
“Yougonnaworksomethingbesidesthatmouthtoday?”heaskedNolan.
“Look,pal.Youdon’tneedtogetallpissybecauseIkickedyourassintheshoulderpress,”Nolansaid.
Ihadbetterthingstodowithmytimethanwatchabromancebloom.Liketakeanelderlybodybuildertothegrocerystore.
“I’llseeyouaround,”IsaidtoNolan,pointedlyignoringNash.
ImadeitallthewaytothewaterfountainbeforeIagainfeltthedarkpresenceofChiefNashhole.“Youcan’tignoremeforever,”hesaid,steppinginfrontofme.Istoppedshortsoasnottoplowintohissweatychest.Icouldn’taffordthefantasies.
“Idon’thavetoignoreyouforever,”Isaidsweetly.“OnceIwrapthisinvestigation,we’llneverhavetoseeeachotheragain.”
“Whataboutthewedding?”
Crap.Thewedding.
“Ican’tspeakforyou,butI’manadult.Justbecausethesightofyoumakesmewanttohityouinthefacewithafoldingchairdoesn’tmeanIcan’tpretendtotolerateyouforoneday.”
HebaredhisteethandIwonderedifIimaginedthelow,dangerousgrowl.“Youjustkeeppushingmybuttons.”
“Andyoujustkeeppissingmeoff.”ThestaredownlastedagoodthirtysecondsbeforeIfinallyasked,“Whathappenedtoyourface?”
“Itranintomyfists.Repeatedly,”Knoxsaidashestompedpastusonhiswaytothewaterfountain.
“Seriously?Whenareyoutwogonnaoutgrowthat?”
“Never,”theysaidtogether.
Ididn’tknowwhichoneofushadedgedcloser,butNashandIwerenowstandingtoe-to-toe.Iwascloseenoughtoreachoutandtrailmyfingersoverhissweatytorso,athoughtthatshouldhavebeenrevolting.Butofcourseitwasn’t.Iwasstartingtothinktherewassomethingvery,verywrongwithme.
“Weneedtotalk,”Nashsaid.Hisglarewasgivingmeasunburn.
“Sorry,Chief.I’malltalkedout.You’rejustgoingtohavetofindsomeoneelsetopissoff.”
“Goddammit,Angelina.”
ThistimeIverydefinitelydidnotimaginethegrowl.Orthehot,hardhandthatsplayedacrossmystomachandbackedmeintothedark,emptystudio.Itsmelledlikesweatandindustrialdisinfectant.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Ihissedasheshutthedoorbehindhimandstoodinfrontofit.
Therewereweaponsinhere,five-pounddumbbellsandlargeexerciseballs.Bothcouldbebouncedoffthickskulls.
“Stopgivingmethecoldshoulder,”heordered.
Iwasn’tsurewhatIwasexpectingbutitsureashellhadn’tbeenthat.Iwasdefinitelygoingforthedumbbells.
Temperburnedlikefireundermyskin.“Youhavetwooptions.Coldshoulderorhellfire.Andletmetellyou,Chief,Iwouldbesohappyifyouchosehellfire.”
“WhatthefuckamIsupposedtodo?”hedemanded.“Youtakeadvantageofmytrust,betrayme,andI’mjustsupposedtobefinewithit?”
Thistime,itwasmewhoclosedthedistancebetweenus.“Areyouevenlisteningtoyourself?Itookadvantageofyou?Ibetrayedyou?Webarelyknoweachother.Certainlynotwellenoughformetodoeitherofthosethings.Andmuchasitpainsmetoadmit,you’renotdumbenoughtoletsomeoneyoujustmettakeadvantageofyou.Youcamewiththatbaggagepackedandyouwereitchingtounloaditonme.Well,guesswhat,assface?IwasmorehonestwithyouthanIhadbeenwithanybodyandyoumademeimmediatelyregretit.”
Islappedahandtohissweatychestandgaveashove.Hedidn’tbudge.Notevenaninch.Buthishandclampedovermywristandthenhewasyankingmeintohim.
Hewasawallofheatandmuscleandanger.Myownfurymeldedwithhisandeverythingwentmolteninsideme.
“IhatehowmuchIstillwanttobenearyou.”Hisvoicewasalow,angryrasp,likethebiteofgravelonbarefeet.Justwhateverygirldreamedofhearing.
“AndIhatethatIeveropeneduptoyou,”Ihissed.
Itwasthetruth.IhatedthatI’dsharedanypartofmyselfwithhim.Thathenowownedapieceofmystory.OnethatIhadn’ttrustedanyonewithinaverylongtime.IhatedthatasangryasIwas,ashurtasIwas,Istilljustwantedhimtotouchme.Itwaslikemylactose-intolerantroommateincollegewhohadatoxicrelationshipwithcheesecake.
Wewerebothpanting,breathingthesameair,inhalingthesameanger,fuelingthesameblaze.Themusicandcacophonyofgymsoundsseemedsofaraway.
Iwantedtopunchhim.Tokisshim.Tobitehislipuntilhelostcontrol.
Hedippedhishead,thenstoppedjustshyofmymouth,hisnosebrushingmycheek.
Hishandscircledmybicepsandslidallthewaydowntomywrists.“Thenwhydoesitfeelsorighttotouchyou?”herasped.
Ialmostmeltedagainsthim.Almostthreweveryprincipleoutthewindowandjumpedintohisspitefularms.Ididn’tunderstanditanybetterthanhedid.TherewasaflawinmyDNAthatmadehistouchfeellikehome.
Myheartwaspoundingagainstmyribs.Fightorflight.Iwantedtochoosefight.Iwantedtogivemyselfovertotheangerandletitcomespillingout.Iwantedtoseewhatwouldhappenifweeruptedtogether.
Butthatwasn’twhoIwantedtobeanymore.
Asmuchasmybodywantedtheseething,angrymanbeforeme,myheadknewitwasamistake.
“Stayawayfromme,Nash,”Isaid,musteringthefrostofAntarcticainmytone.
“I’vetried.”Theadmissionwaslikeanillicitcaress.
“Tryharder.”Iyankedmyhandsfree.Inamomentofpettyspitethatfeltdamngood,Ishouldercheckedhimonmywayoutthedoor.
“Couldn’thelpbutnoticeyouandNashhaven’tbeenenjoyinganysleepoverslately,”Mrs.Tweedyannouncedasshetossedaboxofwineintothecartnexttothevaluepackofcannedtunaandthebaker’sdozenofalmostexpireddonuts.
Youcouldtellalotaboutapersonbythecontentsoftheirgrocerycart.Mrs.Tweedy’scartscreamed“chaos.”
“Youcertainlyseealotfromthatpeephole,”Isaid.Iwasstillfeelinghot,bothered,andrageyfrommyrun-inwithNashatthegym.Iwasn’tsurefiveminutesintheicecreamfreezerwouldbeenoughtocoolmeoff.
“Don’tdodgeme.Mynoseisalreadyfullyinvestedinyourbusiness.Y’allstandnexttoeachotherinaroomandsuddenlyitfeelslikesomething’sabouttoexplode.Inasexyway.”Sheaddedasix-packoflightbeertohergroceryhaul.
“Yeah,well.We’renotthekindofpeoplewhoshouldevendabbleatbeingtogether,”Isaid.Wecouldn’tevenstandnexttoeachotherwithoutitspiralingoutofcontrol.
ThephysicaldrawIfelttoNashwaslikeagravitationalfield.Inevitable.IthadthepowertoovercomealltheveryexcellentreasonswhyIshouldstayawayfromhim,thenumberonereasonbeinghewasanorder-giving,emotionallydamageddick.
“What’snottolike?He’sgotagoodheadonhisshoulders,hecanshootlikeacowboy,herescuesdogs,andhe’sgotabuttthatdon’tquitinthoseuniformpants.MypalGladysdropsherpurseeverytimesheseeshimjustsohe’llbenddowntopickitup.”
“Healsoseeseverythinginblackandwhite,actslikehehastherighttotellmewhattodo,andmanhandlesme.”
“Iknowthisisnotpoliticallycorrect,butIlovemeagoodconsensualmanhandling,”Mrs.Tweedysaidwithasuggestiveeyebrowwiggle.
Okay,Ididn’thateiteither.IfanyoneotherthanNashhaddraggedmeintothatroomatthegym,they’dbebreathingthroughastrawinthewaitingroomofaplasticsurgeon.ButIdidn’tfeellikethinkingaboutthat.Instead,Igrabbedajarofpeanutbutterandthrewitintothecart.
“He’salsogotthatwholebroodythinggoingrightnow.Liketheman’sgotstormcloudsinhisheadandhe’sjustlookin’foralittlesunshine.”
“Yeah,well,hecangofindhisvitaminDsomeplaceelse.”
AndsowouldI.Ha.Solidinnermonologuedickjoke.
Myelderlyshoppingpartnertut-tutted.“Twopeoplewhokeepgettin’drawntogetherlikemagnetscan’tbewrong.It’salawofnature.”
“Naturemadeamistakethistimearound,”Iassuredherandaddedacartonofsparklingwatertoourcart.
Mrs.Tweedyshookherhead.“You’relookingatitallwrong.Sometimesthebodyrecognizeswhattheheadandheartaretoostupidtosee.Thatrightthereisrealtruth.Thebodydon’tlie.Huh.MaybeIshouldputthatonabumpersticker?”shemused.
“I’dmuchrathertrustmyheadthanmybody.”Especiallysincemybodyseemedtobesetonself-destructmode.I’dneverbeensoattractedtoamansoinfuriatingbefore.
Itwasdisorienting,frustrating,andborderlinesadomasochistic.YetanothersignthatIneededtocommittochangingmyways.Thatwasthemessagetheuniversewassendingme,notHey,here’sahotguy.Getnakedwithhimandeverythingwillworkout.
Mrs.Tweedysnortedindelicately.“IfIhadyourbody,I’dbelisteningtoeverydamnthingitsaid.”
“Iseemtorecallyourbodykickingmybody’sassatthegymhalfanhourago,”Iremindedher.
Shefluffedherhairasweturnedintothecerealaisle.“Idolookprettygoodformyage.”
Therewasamanattheoppositeendoftheaislepushingacartinourdirection.
“Ifyou’redeadsetagainstNash,howaboutIreelthisoneinforyou?”Mrs.Tweedyoffered.
Hewasabuff-lookingguyinhisthirtieswithglassesandshort,darkhair
“Don’tyoudare,”Iwhisperedoutofthesideofmymouth.
Butitwastoolate.Mrs.Tweedycametoahaltinfrontofthemarshmallowandcartooncharactercerealsectionandmadeashowofstretchingforthetopshelf.AshelfIcouldhaveeasilyreached.
“Excuseme,youngman.WouldyoumindfetchingmeaboxofMarshmallowMunchies?”Mrs.Tweedyasked,battingherlashesathim.
IpretendedtobefascinatedbythelackofnutritionalvalueinaboxofSparklePinkieO’s.
“Noproblem,ma’am,”hesaid.
“Thatissosweetofyou,”shesaid.“Isn’tthatsweet,Lina?”
“Very,”Isaidthroughclenchedteeth.
Themangrabbedtheboxandflashedmeaknowinggrin.
HewasclosetoafootandahalftallerthanMrs.Tweedy.Upclose,helookedlikeanaccountantwhowenttothegymalot.Accordingtohiscart,BigGuylookedlikehetookhisnutritionseriously.Hehadarotisseriechicken,allthefixingsforacoupleofsalads,asix-packofproteinshakes,and…alargebagofgummycandy.Well,noonewasperfect.
“Areyoumarried?”Mrs.Tweedydemanded.
“No,ma’am,”hesaid.
“Whatacoincidence.NeitherismyneighborLina,”shesaid,givingmeashoveforward.
“Okay,Mrs.Tweedy.Let’sleavethenicemanwiththelongarmsalone,”Isaid.
“Partypooper,”shemuttered.
“Sorry,”ImouthedtothemanasIdraggedmymeddlingneighborandourcartdowntheaisle.
“Happensallthetime,”hesaidwithawink.
“Istheresomethingwrongwithyourlibido?”Mrs.Tweedydemandedwhenwewereprobablystillwithinearshot.
IthoughtofwakingupwithNashwithhishard-onbetweenmylegs.“Verydefinitely.Now,comeon.Ineedtostickmyheadintheicecreamcooler.”TWENTY-SEVEN
SNAKESANDSHAKES
Nash
“I’mgonnaburnthishousetotheground,”MayorHillySwansongripedasIemptiedhercoatclosetofbootsandgardeningclogs.
“Probablyshouldn’tbesayin’thatinfrontofthelaw,”IsaidasIshookoutasnowbootandtosseditaside
Shewasstandingbehindmeonastepstoolinthefoyer,wringingherhands
OfficerTroyWinslowwasbackedupagainstthefrontdoorholdingthetwelve-gaugeshotgunwe’drelievedthemayorofuponourarrival.Hewaslookinglikehewantedtobolt.
“Ishouldsuethatdangrealestateagent.Ifshewouldasaid‘snakemigration’atanypointduringthebuyingprocess,myasswouldasaidnothankyou,”Hillysaid.
She’dlivedinthishousefortwentyyears,andtheKnockemoutPDwentthroughthisritualtwiceayear.Inthespring,snakesslitheredtheirwaydownfromthelimestonebluffstowardaswampyareaofnearbystateparklandsforthesummer.Inthefall,theyslitheredtheirwaybacktothebluffstowaitoutthelongwinter.
HillySwanson’shousewassmack-dabinthemiddleofthemigrationpath.Overtheyears,she’dspentasmallfortunetosnake-proofthefoundation,butoneortwoalwaysmanagedtofindtheirwayin.
Ishovedthenowemptyshoerackasideandcheckedbehindit.
“Thisisjustlikewaitin’forthoserefrigeratorbiscuitstopop,”Winslowsaid.“Youknowit’scomin’butthatdon’tmeanyou’rereadyforit.”Winslowwasnotasnakeperson.Theguyhadnoproblemchasingbearsoutofcampgrounds,butifitslithered,hewasn’tgoingnearit.
I,ontheotherhand,hadgrownuponandinthecreek,whichhadgivenmeahellofalotofexperiencewithsnakes.
“ItoldMickeynottoleavethedooropenwhenhewascartin’groceriesinside.ButhesaidIwascrazy.AndthenhetookhisbuttofftothegolfcourseandI’mtheonewhohastodealwiththeconsequences.IfIwasabraversoulwhowasn’tabouttopeeherpants,I’dputthatdamnsnakeonhissideofthebedtoteachhimalesson.”
Ireachedforthetrenchcoatbeltinthecorneronlytorealizeitwasmoving.“Gotcha.”
“OhmyGod.I’mgonnakillMickey.”
Iaimedthebeamofmyflashlightatthereptileandreachedoutlightning-quicktograbitjustbehindthehead.Itwascoldandeerilyslickundermyhand,likenomatterhowtightIheldon,themusclesunderallthatsmoothwouldjustsliderightout.
“It’spracticallyababy,”Isaid,stuffingallfivefeetofpissed-offratsnakeintothepillowcaseIkeptinmycruiserforsuchoccasions.
Ibackedoutoftheclosetandgottomyfeet.
Hillyrecoiled.“Lordhavemercy.”
Winslowlookedlikehewastryingrealhardtobackthroughthefrontdoorwithoutopeningit.
“Ithinkwe’redonehere,”Isaid,holdingthewrigglingpillowcaseinonehand.
“Thankyou,thankyou,thankyou,”Hillychanted.Shefollowedusoutontothefrontporch,stillwringingherhands.“Yougotasecondtotalkaboutanothersnake-relatedmatter?”
“Sure.Mindgettin’ournewfriendsettledinthecar,Winslow?”Ihandedoverthesnakeinthebagtohim,mostlytomesswithhim.“Watchwhereyoustep.Theground’sslitheringthistimeofyear,”Iwarned.
Heswallowedhard,heldthepillowcasegingerlyatarm’slength,andtiptoedtowardtheSUV.
“What’sthelatestonDilton?”Hillyasked,slidingbackintoherusualtoughbroadrolenowthatthesnakewasnolongerinhervicinity.
“Investigationisongoing,”Isaid
“That’sthestandardline,”shecomplained.
“That’swhat’sonrecord.”
“Well,thengimmeofftherecordsoIcanstartpreparingwhatthehellI’mgonnasaytothetowncouncil.”
“Offtherecord,sofarwe’veonlydugbackafewmonthsintohiscases,interviewingvictimsandsuspects.”
“But?”
“Butthere’sapatternonthecallshehandledsolosinceIgotmyselfshot.Beingamandownopenedawindowforhimandhetookadvantage.He’snotcomin’backfromthis.”
“What’sthetown’sresponsibilityinallthis?Howdowemakethisright?”
Iexpectedthefirstquestionandrespectedthehelloutofherforthesecond.
Iblewoutabreath.“We’regoingbythebook,crossingt’sanddottin’i’s.He’snotgettingoffonatechnicality.Buthere’sthepartyou’renotgonnalike.”
“Knewitwascomin’.”
“IreachedouttotheKennedys,thehusbandandwifeDiltonharassedduringthetrafficstop.Ispokewithboth,withoutcounsel.”
Sheraisedherauburneyebrows.“Andhowdidthatgo?”
“Itwasajudgmentcall.I’lltellyouthesamethingItoldthem.Diltonwasmyresponsibility.Ithappenedonmywatch.Husbandwasmoreunderstandingthanheneededtobe.Thewifewasunderstandablylessso.Butwetalkeditout.Iapologizedprofuselyandtookfullresponsibility.”
“Solicitor’sgonnalovethat,”Hillysaid.
“Yeah,well.Sometimessayin’you’resorryismoreimportantthancoverin’yourass.Eitherway,itwastherightthingtodo.Mrs.Kennedycalledmebackyesterdayandgavemethecontactinfoofatrainingorganizationthatworkswithdepartmentsonde-escalationanddiversitytraining.Expensive,butinmyopinion,necessary.Andcheaperthanthelawsuitwe’dsettle.”
“Howmucharewetalkin’?”
InoddedtowardthecarwherePiper’sheadwashangingoutthedriver’ssidewindow.“Let’sjustsaythat’sgonnabetheonlyK-9officerwecanaffordforawhile.”
Sheshookherhead.“Fuckin’Dilton.Onebadcopisallittakes.”
“Iknow.It’sonehundredpercentmyfaultforkeepin’himon.Forthinkin’Icouldchangehim.”
Sheputherhandsonherhipsandstaredoutthroughtheforest.“Yeah,well,nowyouknowhowitfeelstobeawomaninlovewithadumbasswithpotential.Ninety-ninepercentofthetime,thatpotentialnevergetsrealized.”
“Mickeyhavepotential?”Iteased.
Hersmirkwasquick.“Hellyeah,hedid.AndIdidn’tgivehimachoiceabouttherealizingpartofit.”
“Beenthinking,”Ibegan.
“Anytimeanofficialsaysthat,thingsareabouttogetexpensive.”
“Notnecessarily.Sincewe’realreadyaddingonsomeeducation,whatwouldyouthinkofbringinginSocialServicescaseworkerstodoatrainingforus?”
“Whatkindoftraining?”
“Mentalhealthcalls.YouknowXandraRempalski?”
SheshotmealookthatsaidIwastiptoeingintodumbassterritory.“Thenursewhosavedmychiefofpolice’slife?Nope.Neverheardofher.NordoIownfournecklacesandthreepairsofherearrings.”
“Okay.Allright.Hernephewhasautism.”
“Sure,yeah.IknowAlex.”
“He’snonverbal,sixfeettall,andBlack,”Isaid,rockingbackonmyheels.
Hillyblewoutasigh.“I’mpickin’upwhatyou’reputtin’down.MomswithBlackbabieshavealotofconversationswiththosebabiesonhowtointeractwithcops.”
“AndIwannamakesurethatwecopsarehavingconversationsonhowtosafelyandrespectfullyinteractwiththosebabies.Allofthem.Especiallytheoneswhocan’ttalkback.Doesn’tsitwellwithmethatsomeofourpeoplestilldon’tfeelsafehere.That’sexactlywhyItookthisjob,andI’vestillgotalotoflearningandalotofworktodo.”
“Don’tweall,Chief?Sohowdowegoaboutthat?”
“I’dliketotalkitoverwithYolandaSuarez.She’sbeenacaseworkeralongtimeandshe’llhavesomeideas.Rightnow,I’mthinkingsomekindofcombinationofongoingdepartmenttrainingandtagteamingmentalhealthcallswithsocialworkers.Otherdepartmentsinbiggercitieshaverolledoutprogramslikethatandthey’reseein’results.MaybewecouldbringNaomiWittintoitsinceshe’scommunityoutreachcoordinator.”
“It’sadamngoodidea.”
“Ithinksotoo.”
“Whydon’tyousetupameetwithyou,me,andYolandafirst?Thenwe’llgofromthere.”
“Appreciateit.GuessI’dbettergetyourslitheringroommatetohisnewhome.”
Hillyshuddered.“Chief,afterI’mdoneburningthisplacetothegroundandmurderingmyhusband,I’mputtingyouupforaraise.”
Ipaused.IftherewasonethingHillyguardedwithherlife,itwasKnockemout’spursestrings.“Iwouldn’tfeelrightaboutthat.Notwithwhat’sgonedownthepastfewmonths.”
Shereachedoutandpattedmeonmycheek.“That’sexactlywhyyou’regettin’one,son.Youcare.Youtakeresponsibility.Andyoucreatesolutions.Thistownisluckytohaveyou.I’mdamnproudofthemanyou’vegrownuptobe.”
Iwasn’tonetogetchokedupaboutafewcompliments,butgrowingupwithoutthemomwho’dsprinkledthemsoliberallythroughmychildhoodleftavoid.AdeeponethatIwasonlyjustbeginningtorecognize.
IthadbeenalongtimesinceanyoneIlovedhadbeenproudofme.
Isurprisedusbothbyleaningdownandbrushingakisstohercheek.“Thanks,Mayor.”
Sheturnedbrightred.“Goonnow.Getthatdamnsnakeoffmypropertyandgetbacktowork.We’vegotpeopletoserve.”
Ithrewheralittlesaluteandheadedforthecar.“Makesureyoualibiupbeforeyougoonyourarson-murderspree.”
“Willdo,Chief.”TWENTY-EIGHT
SHARKWEEKCRAPPYHOUR
Lina
IwasearlyformynondatedrinkswithNolan.ItwasmoreinanefforttoavoidNashwhenheandPipercamehomefromworkthananyactualenthusiasm.Butafteralongdayofsittinginacarwatchingalow-levelhenchmanhitthegym,theChinesebuffet,andthestripclub,Iwasactuallylookingforwardtotalkingshopwiththemarshal.
ThecrowdwasmostlyfemaleinHonkyTonk,andthetableshadlittlesignsonthemthatsaidWarning:SharkWeek.Ismirked.LeaveittoNolantopickanightwhenthefemalebarstaff’smenstruationcyclessynced.
Knowingthedrill,Igrabbedanemptytwo-topanddidnotattempttoflagdownMax,theserver,whowasbusyadjustingthepeel-and-stickheatingpadonherabdomenwithonehandwhilestuffingachocolatecupcakeintohermouthwiththeother.
Maxwouldtakemyorderwhenshewasgoodandready,andIwouldgetmydrinkwhenSilverthebartenderwasdoneshockingtheshitoutoftheburlybikerdude’sabswiththeminielectrotherapymachine.
ItwasanewadditiontoSharkWeek’sCrappyHour.Electricalimpulsesfromtheelectrodessimulatedperiodpain.Knockemout’sresidentsweren’tonestobackdownfromachallenge,andIhadtoadmit,itwasprettyentertainingtowatchtattedbikersandbufffarmertypeslineupfortheirturntotrytowalkwithlevel10periodcramps.
Ittookahotminuteorfive,butMaxfinallyambledoverandfloppeddowninthechairacrossfromme.Shehadicingonherchin.“Lina.”
“Max.”
“Youreyelooksbetter.”
“Thanks.”
“HeardyougotitwrestlingtwomurdererswhotriedtoattackSloaneandNaomiwhilefilmingthepilotofabountyhunterTVshow.”
Somuchformyprofessionalanonymity…andpeskythingslikethetruth.
“Nothingthatexciting,”Iassuredher.
“What’llitbe?Feelliketryin’aCrappyHourspecial?Wegothalf-pricedBloodyMarysandacocktailSilvercameupwithcalledRedDeath.Ittasteslikeshitandit’llfuckyouup.”
“IthinkI’llstickwithbourbon.”ItwasoneanddoneformeuntilIwassureI’dgottenmystresslevelundercontrol.
“Suityourself.”Maxsighedandheavedherselftoherfeet.“I’llbebackaftertheMidolkicksin.”
SheshuffledbacktothebarandIusedtheopportunitytowadethroughsomeworkemailsonmyphoneuntilraucousmalelaughtereruptedinthecorner.
I’dspentalotoftimeinalotofbarswatchingpeopleinteract.Iknewwhenthevibewasn’tright.Andtherewasnodoubtinmymindsomethinguglywasbrewingfromthefourmen.Theirtablewaslitteredwithemptybeerbottlesandshotglasses.Theirbodylanguagewasrowdyandborderlineaggressive,likesharksdecidingwhethertoattack.
Maxarrivedattheirtableandstartedstackingemptiesonhertray.Oneofthemen,anolderguywithabeergutandawhite,bushymustachenowherenearasniceasVernon’s,saidsomethingthatMaxdidn’tlike.Itcausedthetabletoburstintolaughteragain.
Maxtippedhertray,rollingtheemptiesbackontothetable,and—withapartingmiddlefinger—stompedbacktothebar.
Irecognizedoneoftheyoungertroublemakersasthemanwho’dstaredatmewhenIwasleavingWaylay’ssoccergame.“Comeon,MaxiPad,don’tbesosensitive.We’rejustteasin’,”heyelledafterher.
Thefoursomeputtheirheadstogetherforwhatwasmostlikelyanoff-colorjokeandbusteduplaughingagain.
“Keepitdown,Tate,”warnedTallulahfromthenexttable.Shewassittingwiththreeotherregularswhodidn’tlookanymoreentertainedbythemen’sshenanigansthanIwas.
SothatwasTateDilton,disgracedbadcopandgoodol’boy.
“It’sawfulhardtokeepitdownaroundyou,pretty,”oneofDilton’spalssaid,gesturinglewdlyathiscrotch.
Themenaroundthetableeruptedonceagainandthetensionintheroomrose.
IstaredhardatDiltonfromacrosstheroomandwaited.Itdidn’ttakelong.Aslongastheyweresoberenough,peoplecouldusuallysenseathreat.
Hetookalonglookbackandthensaidsomethingtotherestofhiscronies.Theyallturnedtolookatme.Ikickedmylegsoutandcrossedthemattheankles.
Hestoodandheadedinmydirection,usinghisbestintimidationglare.Hewalkedwiththeconfidenceofamanwhohadpeakedinhighschoolanddidn’trealizetheglorydayswereover.
Whenhegottomytable,hestoppedandstaredsomemore.“Yougotaproblem,sweetheart?MaybeanitchIcanscratchforyou?”
Hehadashort,Hitler-esquemustachethattwitchedeverytimehisjawopenedandclosedonapieceofgum.
“Idoubtthere’sanythingyoucoulddoforme.”
“You’reMorgan’sbitch,ain’tya?”HewaswearingaKnockemoutPDshirtandthatpissedmeoffevenmorethantheinsult.
“No.Areyou?”Iaskedsweetly.
Hiseyesnarrowed,nearlydisappearingbehindhisruddycheeksashepulledoutthechairoppositeme.Hespunitaroundbackwardinamovethatshouldneverimpressawomanofanyageandsatuninvited.“Sawyouatthesoccerfieldsfighting.Youtellyourcopboyfriendthereareplentyofusroundherewhodon’tliketheshithe’sforcingdownourthroats.Maybelethimknowthatifheain’tcareful,wemightjusthavetotakehimdownapegortwo.”
“Haveyouconsideredtakingyouraversiontothesocialrequirementofregularbathingupthechainofcommand?”
“Huh?”Heblinked,thenchewedfuriouslyforafewseconds.
“Oh.Maybeyourcauseismorepublicaffairsrelated.Letmeguess.Youdon’tthinkyoushouldhavetowearpantsinsidethePigglyWigglywhenyoubuyyoursix-packofcheap-assbeer.”
HeleanedinandIcouldsmelltheliquoronhisbreath.“That’ssomesmartmouthyou’rerunnin’.”
“Areallthesemultisyllabicwordsmakingithardforyoutokeepup?”
“Keepitupandyourbitchasswillbeleavingherewithseriousregrets.”Hisgazeflickedtomyeye.“Lookslikesomeonealreadytaughtyousomemanners.”
“Theytried.Now,whydon’tyouandyourfriendsgoonhomebeforeoneofyoudoessomethingstupiderthanusual?”
“Youwantmetotakeyoudowntothestationforrunnin’thatprettymouthatacop?”HepoppedtheponcopandInearlyrolledmyeyes.
“DoesChiefMorganknowyou’rerunningaroundimpersonatingapoliceofficer?BecauseI’mfairlycertaininorderforyoutobeacop,yougottahaveabadge.AndIheardarumorthatyourbadgeislockedupinadrawerinNash’sdesk.”
Hejumpedtohisfeetandslammedmeatypalmsonthetableinfrontofme.Ididn’tmoveamuscleasheleanedintomyspace,fillingmynostrilswiththesmellofcheapliquor.
Fi,Max,andSilverwereheadinginourdirectionlookingliketheywerereadytogotowar.Buttheydidn’tneedtomakethemselvestargets.NotwhenIwastheonewhowasonlyintownfortheshortterm.
Iheldupahand.“Igotthis,”Iassuredthemandslowlygottomyfeettofacethebloatedbully.
“Gohome,Tate,”Fisaid,takingthelollipopoutofhermouthtouseherscarymomvoice.
Silver’sjawflexedasshekeptonehandclampedoverheruterusandtheothercurledintoafist.Maxwasholdinghertrayonhershoulderlikeitwasabaseballbat.
“Youwannatakeaswingatme,Dilton?”Iwhisperedsoftly.
Hebaredhisteeth…andhischewinggum.
Igavehimameanlittlesmile.“Idareyou.Becauseyoudoandyou’renotmakingitoutofhereintact.NotonlyamIitchingtoadd‘brokennose’toyourphysicalcatalogof‘beerbelly’and‘recedinghairline,’buttheentirefemalepopulationofKnockemoutisridingthecrimsontiderightnow,andI’mbettingthere’remorethanafewlocalladiesyoudidwrongovertheyears.”
Hesneered,hisfaceturningharderanduglierwiththeeffort.
“Sogoahead,asshole.Takeyourfreeshot,butit’stheonlyoneyou’regonnaget.Oncewe’redonewithyou,therewon’tbeanythinglefttopinabadgeon,”Isaid.
Hestraightenedandballedbothhandsintofistsathissides.Icouldseehimweighingtheoptionsinhistiny,inebriatedbrain.Butbeforehecouldmakemydaybymakingthewrongmove,alargehandlandedonhisshoulder.
“Thinkit’stimeyouwenthome,pal.”
Ilookedupandthenupsomemoreatthemanwho’dsteppedin.CerealAisleGuytotherescue.
Diltonturnedtofacehim.“Whydon’tyoumindyourowndamn…”
TherestofhissentencedisappearedasplitsecondafterDiltonrealizedhewastalkingtotheman’sAdam’sapple,nothisface.
Ismirked,andatwitterofnervouslaughterroseuparoundus.
“Youwannafinishthatthought?”CerealAisleGuyasked.
Diltongloweredathim.“Fuckyou,”hespat.
“Iwereyou,Iwouldn’twanttobemakingaspectacleofmyself.Itdrawsunnecessaryattention,”CerealAisleGuysaid.
Diltonlookedlikehewantedtosaysomethingelse,buthewasinterruptedbyhisassholeposse.
“Let’shitupanotherbar.Onewithlessbitches,”oneofhisidiotfriendssuggested.
Ikidyounot,thewomenatthetablesclosesttousstartedhissing.
Someonethrewtheremainsoftheirfrybasket,hittingDiltonsquareinthechest.
“Nowain’tthetime,Tate,”theoldermanwiththemustachecalled.“Besmart.”
Therewassomethingominousaboutthewayhesaidit.
“Ifyoudon’tgethimoutofhere,Wylie,I’mcallin’thecops.Therealones,”Fisnarled.
“Alreadyhere.”TheentirebarturnedtoseeU.S.MarshalNolanGrahamatmyback,hisbadgeandgunonfulldisplay.“Wegotaproblemhere?”
“Ithinkthat’syourcuetoleave,sweetheart,”Isaidtotheketchup-coveredDilton.
“Whydon’twestepoutside?”Nolansuggested.Histonewasalmostamicable,buthiseyeswerecoldsteel.
“I’llbeseein’youagain,”DiltonpromisedmeashisfriendseachtookanarmandfollowedNolanoutthedoor.Theoldermanwiththemustachestoppedinfrontofme,lookedmeoverfromheadtotoe,snorted,andthenstrolledoutsidewithasmirk.
Theladieswhoweren’ttoobusypressingbothhandstotheircrampedabdomenseruptedincheersasthedoorswungshutbehindthem.
Iproducedmycreditcardandhelditaloft.“Fi,thisround’sonme.”
ThepandemoniumreachedhysterialevelsandthensomeonepluggedShaniaTwain’s“Man!IFeelLikeaWoman!”intothejukebox.
Iturnedbacktothemanwhohadwhiteknightedmetwicenow.“Cerealaisleguy,”Isaid.
Hislipscurvedinanalmostsmile.“Unmarriedfriendoftheoldlady.”
“Yournicknameisbetter.”
“IcouldcallyouTrouble.”
“Youwouldn’tbethefirst.”
Henoddedtowardthedoor.“Youshouldn’tgoaroundantagonizingmenlikethat.”
EvenCerealAisleGuyhadanopiniononmylifechoices.
“Hestartedit.”
“Soundedlikehe’sgotanissuewiththelocalcops.Wasn’tthechiefofpolicehereshotacoupleweeksback?”heasked.
“Hewas.”
Theguyshookhisheadruefully.“AndIthoughtsmall-townlifewouldbequiet.”
“Ifyouwantquiet,Knockemoutprobablyisn’ttheplacetofindit.”
“Guessnot.Theyfindtheguywhoshotthecop?Causetheonetheyjusthauledoutofherelookslikehewouldn’tmindputtingabulletortwoinsomeone,”hesaid.
“TheFBIisinvestigatingbuttheyhaven’tmadeanyarrests.I’msuretheguywhodiditislonggone.Atleast,heisifhehashalfabrain.”
“Iheardthechiefdoesn’tevenrememberwhathappened.That’sgottabeweird.”
Ididn’treallyfeelliketalkingaboutNashtoanyone.Especiallynotastranger,soIsimplyraisedmyeyebrow.
Heflashedanembarrassedsmile.“Sorry.Thegossiphererunsfastanddeep.Backhome,Ididn’tevenknowmyneighbors’firstnames.Hereeverybodyseemsliketheyalreadyknowyoursocialsecuritynumberandgreat-grandmother’smaidenname.”
“WelcometoKnockemout.CanIbuyyouadrinkforyourheroics?”Ioffered.
Heshookhishead.“I’vegottagetgoing.”
“Well,thanksforsteppingin.EvenifItotallyhadthesituationhandled.”
“Noproblem.Butmaybebemorecarefulnexttime.Youdon’twannagomakingyourselfatarget.”
“I’msurethatcreephasbiggerproblemsthanworryingaboutme.Forinstance,he’llprobablybehavingnightmaresaboutyoutonight.”
Thegrinwasback.“Raincheckonthatdrink.”
“Yougotit,”Isaidandwatchedhimleave.
“Onthehouse,”Maxsaid,appearingnexttomewiththebourbonI’dordered.
“Thanks.AndthanksfornottellingmeIshouldhavemindedmyownbusiness.”
Maxsnorted.“Please.You’rethesheroofHonkyTonk.Tatehasnoideahowluckyheis.Wewouldatorehisassuptonight.ThenKnoxwouldabeenpissedatallthepropertydamage.AndStudlyDo-Rightwouldabeenmadaboutthebloodandpaperwork.”
“TheMorganbrothersoweusone,”Iagreed.
Nolancamebackinside,strokinghisfingerandthumboverhismustacheandfrowning.
“What’swrong?”Iasked.
“IthinkImighthavetoshave.”
Mylipstwitched.“Ithinkyoushouldkeepit.Reclaimthe’stache.”
HetookthechairDiltonhadvacatedandwavedFiover.
“Iwouldn’tdothatifIwereyou,”Iwarned,pointingtotheSharkWeeksignage.
“SharkWeek’sinthesummer,isn’tit?”
“NotthatkindofSharkWeek.Thisone’sscarier.”
Fiappearedwithafreshlollipop.Shetossedmycreditcardonthetableinfrontofmeandthendugtheheelsofherhandsintoherlowerback.“God.Itfeelslikemykidneysaretryingtotunneltheirwayoutofmyflesh.Whyisnaturesuchabitch?”
“Oh,thatkindofSharkWeek,”Nolansaid,catchingon.
“Yeah.Sowhateveryou’reabouttosaybetterbeworthmytimeandsufferingcomingoverhere,”Fisaid.
“Ijustwantedtopolitelyandrespectfullysuggestthatyoupullthesecurityfootagefromtonightandsaveitsomewhere.”
“Anyparticularreason?”
“Idon’tknowwhat’spublicknowledgeandwhat’snot,”Nolanhedged.
“YoumeanNashfiringTateforbeingabadcopandashittyhumanbeing?”Fiprompted.
“Wordtravelsfastaroundhere.Sometimesit’seventhetruth,”Isaid.
“Justincasethingsescalate,itwouldn’thurttobeabletoproveapattern,”Nolansaid.
“Iwouldn’tbesurprisedifheescalatedtheshitoutofthings,”Fisaidonagroan.“He’sgotawholelotofartificialself-worthwrappedaroundthatbadge.Withoutit,whoknowswhathe’lldotofeelliketopdog?”
“Keepaneyeout,”Nolanadvised.
“Willdo.Nowifyou’llexcuseme,I’mgoingtogoliedowninthebackseatofmyminivanfortenminutes.I’llsendMaxoverwithadrinkforyou,Marshal.”
Wewatchedherlimpaway.
“Ican’timaginegoingthroughsomethinglikethateverydamnmonth,”Nolansaid,shakinghishead.
“Youdon’tthinkwe’relikethatwithourjobs,doyou?”Iasked.
“Likewhat?”
“Likewegetourself-worth,ourpurposefromourcareers.”
“Oh,youwantmetolietoyou.Okay.No,we’renotatalllikethat,Solavita.”
“Comeon.”
“Babe,IlostmymarriageoverthisjobandIdon’tevenlikewhatIdo.”
“Sowhydon’tyouquit?”
“Anddowhat?”
“Idon’tknow.Winbackthegirl?”
“Right.Becausetheonlythingmoreattractivethanamanmarriedtohisjobisanunemployedex-husbandbeggingforasecondchance,”hesaiddryly.“Nope.Someofusarejustdestinedtoliveforthejob.”
“Youdon’tthinkthere’sanythingbetterouttherethanthis?”Iasked.
“Ofcoursethere’ssomethingfuckingbetteroutthere.Justmaybenotforyouandme.Atleastme.IfyouthinkforasecondIwouldn’tquitmyjobandspendtherestofmyliferubbingmyex’sfeetandpackingherlunchesifshesaidshe’dtakemeback,you’redeadwrong.Butthere’sonlysomanytimesyoucanshutsomebodyoutbeforetheystoptryingtogetin.”
“Butisitworthit?Lettingsomeoneinwhenyouknowyoujustmadeitthatmucheasierforthemtoripyouapart?Imean,seriously,whatcouldbethatgoodtomakethatkindofriskworthit?”
“You’reaskingthewrongguy.Idon’tknowwhat’sontheotherside,butI’dsureashellbewillingtoriskfindingoutifIgotasecondchance.”
Nolan’swordsmademefeeljustalittlebitcowardly.Ihadnoproblemconfrontingadrunkenbully,buttheideaofopeningmyselfuptosomeonehadmykneesknockingtogether.
“SohowdiddinnerwithSloanego?”
“Good.She’sagreatgirl.Smart.Fuckingadorable.Alittlewild.”
“But?”Iprompted,readinghisface.
“ButwillIsoundlikeabiggirlifIsayImightnotbeovermyex?”
“Yes,”Iteased.“Ifitmakesyoufeelbetter,Ithinkourlittlelibrarianisjustlookingforagoodtime.Notweddingbells.”
“Idon’tliketokissandtell,butafterItoldheraboutmyex,shetoldmeshe’sjustinitforafter-third-datesex.”
Ichokedonmybourbon.“Well,aslongasyou’rebothonthesamepage.”
“Hereyougo,Marshal.It’saRedDeath,”Maxsaid,droppingarocksglassfilledwithamurkyredbeverage.
“Actually,canIgeta—”
IkickedhimunderthetableandshookmyheadasMax’seyesnarrowedthreateningly.
“Ibegyourpardon?”shesaidfrostily.
“Imean,thislooksgreat.Thankyouverymuch.Here’stwentydollarsforyourtrouble,”Nolansaid,quicklyshovingabillather.
Maxnoddedregallyandsnatchedupthecash.“That’swhatIthoughtyoumeant.”
Nolantookasipandimmediatelywinced.“Jesus,God.Ittasteslikeahangover.”
“Howdoyoufeelabouttryingperiodcrampsonforsize?”Iasked.
Laterthatnight,IwascurleduponthecouchwithanothermurderylibrarybooktryingnottothinkaboutwhatNolanhadsaidwhenIheardathumpagainstmyfrontdoor.Itwaslate,aftereleven,whichwasusuallywhenbadthingshappened.
Islippedoffthecouchandquietlymademywaytothedoor.
Youneededakeytogetintothebuilding,butinmylineofwork,Iknewthatevenasturdyexteriordoorandlivingnexttothechiefofpolicewouldn’tdeteradrunk,determinedidiotwho’dhadhisegodented.
Iheldmybreathandpeeredthroughthepeephole.Therewasnoonethere.Acrossthehall,Mrs.Tweedy’sdoorwasclosed.IwasdebatingwhethertograbmytrustybaseballbattogoinvestigatewhenIheardafaintscratchingsoundcomingfromthebottomofmydoor.Itwasaccompaniedbyafamiliarjingle.
Openingthedoor,IfoundPiperprancinginplacelookinganxious.Nexttoher,slumpedagainstthewallwasNash.Hewasshirtless,sweating,andshivering.
Theguysureknewhowtotakeagirlonarollercoasterofemotion.
“Hey,”hepanted,tiltinghisheadtolookupatme.“Mindtaking…Piper…forabit?”
IsaidnothingasIhelpedhaulhimtohisfeet.Therewasnothingtosay.We’dhurteachother,buthe’dcometomewhenheneededhelp.AndIwasn’tquitemeanenoughtoturnhimaway.Wordlessly,heloopedonearmovermyshoulderswhileIslidminearoundhiswaist.
Itfeltfamiliar.ButIwasn’tsupposedtohavearoutinewithanyone,letalonehim
TremorsrackedhisbodyasweshuffledinsidewithPiperdancingnervouslyatourfeet.
“Bedorcouch?”Iasked.Hisskinwashotandstickyagainstmine.
“Bed.”
Iguidedusintomybedroomand,knowinghispreference,pushedhimdownonthesideclosesttothedoor.Piperheroicallyvaultedontothemattressandmarchedbackandforth,surveyingNashfromheadtobarefeet.
“I’llgetsomeice,”Isaid.Ididn’thaveanyfrozenvegetablesinmyfreezer,andIdidn’tthinkcoldtakeoutwoulddothetrick.
Nash’shandclampedovermywrist.“No.Stay.”Thoseblueeyespulledmein.Therewerenowallsoroldwoundsinthem.TherewasonlyanhonestpleaandIwashelplessagainstit.“Please.”
“Fine.Butthisdoesn’tmeanI’mnotstillfuriouswithyou.”
“Samegoes.”
“Don’tbeanass.”
Itriedtoroundthefootofthebed,buthestoppedmeandpulledmeback.Hejackknifedintoaseatedposition,hookedmeunderthearms,andpulledmeontopofhim.
“Nash.”
“Justneedyouclose,”hewhispered.
Whenhecollapsedbackagainstthepillows,hesettledmeintohisside,mythighdrapingoverhiships,myheadrestingonhischestjustbelowthescaronhisshoulder.
Icouldhearthethunderofhisheartbeat,andIsplayedmypalmacrosshischest.Heshudderedonceandthenhismusclesseemedtolosesomeofthetensiontheyheldsorigidly.
Heletoutatremuloussigh,thenwrappedbotharmsaroundme,pressedhisfacetomyhair,andheldontight.
PiperclaimedherspaceatNash’sfeet,restingherheadonhisankleandshootingsorrowfulglancesupatus.
Withnothinglefttodo,Ibreathedwithhim.
Four.Seven.Eight.
Four.Seven.Eight.
Overandoveragainuntilthetensionlefthisbody.“Betternow,”Nashwhisperedintomyhair.Welaythere,breathingtogether,beingtogetheruntilsleepdriftedoverusboth.TWENTY-NINE
WINNINGCAREERDAY
Nash
Iwokeuptothedrearylightofdawnandthesoundthathauntedme,thepersistentbrittlecrunchthatdrovemetomadnessinmysleep.Thismorning,itwasaccompaniedbythesoftclickofLina’sfrontdoorclosing.
Thesheetsnexttomewerestillwarm,aghostofthewomanwho’dbeenthereallnight,curledintomyside,anchoringmewiththeriseandfallofherchest.
She’dbeenthereformewhenIneededhermost.Andthenshe’dmadeapointtoleaveherowndamnbedsoI’dwakeupalone.
Idraggedmyhandsovermyface.SomethinghadtogivebetweenusandIhadthesinkingsuspicionthat“something”wasgonnabeme.
Aweighthitthemattress,andasecondlater,Piperpouncedonmychest.Igrunted.Kibbleduststainedherwhitemuzzle,whichmeantLinahadfedherbreakfast.
“Mornin’,bud,”Irasped,wipingthesleepfrommyeyes.
ShenudgedatmeuntilIgaveherahalf-heartedscruffing.
“Don’tlookatmelikethat.I’mfine,”Isaid.
Piperdidn’tlooklikeshebelievedme.
Butitfelttrue.Sure,Ihadalingeringheadacheatthebaseofmyneckandeverymuscleinmybodyfeltlikeithadgoneafewroundsinthering.ButI’dsleptdeepandwokenwithaclearhead.
Ipickedherupandheldheraloftovermyhead.“See?Everything’sfine.”Herlittletailblurredwithenthusiasmasshepawedplayfullyattheair.“Allright.Let’sstartthedamnday.”
Thedogtip-tappedaftermeintothebathroomwhereIfoundanotetapedtothemirror.
N,
FedandwalkedPiper.BegonebythetimeIgetback.
L
IremainedamusedbyLina’stersenoteuntilIreturnedtothebedroomandspottedhersuitcasesittingopenonthefloor.Itwasempty,thankfully.ButIhadafeelingthefactthatshe’dleftitoutmeantshewasstillconsideringleaving.Ifshethoughtshewasgoinganywhere,LinaSolavitahadarudeawakeningcoming.Wehadbusinesstosettle.Scalestobalance.Dealstomake.
AnydoubtI’dhadaboutmyfeelingsforherhadbeenerasedlastnight.Shedidn’thavetoopenherdoor.Shedidn’thavetoletmein.Andshesureashelldidn’thavetofallasleepinmyarms.Butshedid,becausedespitethefactthatI’dpissedheroff,shecaredaboutme.
AndIwasgonnausethattomyadvantage.
“Comeon,Pipes.Let’sgohome.We’vegotsomethinkin’todo,”Isaidonayawn.
IwasstillyawningwhenweletourselvesoutofLina’splaceonlytofindNolanraisingafisttoknockonmydoor.
“Broughtyouacoffee,”hesaid,eyeingmyappearance.Iwaswearingnothingbutsweatpantsandwasindesperateneedofashower.“Shouldagotthebucketsize,”heobserved.
Itookthecoffeeandopenedmydoor
“Longnight?”heasked,followingmeinsideasIguzzledcaffeine.
Igrunted.“Whyareyouhere?Besidestoplaycoffeefairy.”
“Ranintoyoursoon-to-besister-in-lawatthecafé,whodidorderthebucketsize.ShesaidKnoxispullin’outallthestopsforCareerDay.”
“Fuckme.That’stoday?”
“Todayin”—hepausedandcheckedhiswatch—“twohoursandtwenty-sevenminutes.FiguredsinceIhadtotagalonganyway,wecouldstrategize.Can’thavelawenforcementtakin’abackseattosomelottery-winning,bar-owningbarber.Nooffense.”
“He’smybrother,”Isaiddryly.“Nonetaken.How’shegonnamakepaperworkinteresting?”
“Naomidoesn’trealizehowdeepmalecompetitionruns.Shetoldmethewholeplan.He’sgonnaletthekidsmixvirgindrinksandthenshavetheviceprincipal’shead.”
“Damn.That’sgood.”
“Wecanbebetter,”Nolansaidwithconfidence.
“Hitthesiren,Way,”Iinstructed,grippingthewheeltight.
Waylaygrinnedwickedlyandpunchedthebutton.Thesirenwailedtolife.
“Anybodybacktheregetcarsick?”Iaskedthepassengersinthebackseat.
“No!”camethegiddychorus.
“Thenhangontight.”
Iturnedthewheelhard,sendingthebackofthecruiserintoagentleslidearoundthelasttrafficcone.ThenIstompedonthegas.
“Go!Go!Go!”Waylayscreeched.
IcrossedthemakeshiftfinishlineinchesaheadofNolanandhiscruiserfullofkids.
Thebackseateruptedinwildcheers
Ibroughtthecartoastopandthatthinghurtingmyface,stretchingmusclesthathadn’tbeenusedlatelywasaGod’shonestgrin.
Itwassafetosaywe’dblownKnox’sstupidpresentationoutofthewater.
“OMG!Thatwasthebest!”Waylay’sfriendChloesaidasIopenedthebackdoorforher.Sheandtwoothersixthgraderspiledout,alltalkingatonce
“I’dhavehadyouonthatlastconeifBarfyMcGeehadn’taskedmetorolldownthewindows,”Nolansaid,hookinghisthumbinthedirectionofafreckledredheadedboyasheheadedmyway
“Don’tbeasoreloserandblameKaden.Thekiddrivesgo-kartsontheweekends.”
“Thinkwewon?”heasked.
Wesurveyedtheelementaryschoolparkinglot.
Thekidswereinanuproar,beggingmyofficersforthenextride.Theteachersweregrinningeartoear.AndKnoxwasflippingmethebird.
“Hellyeah,wedid.Gottasay,thedrivingobstaclecoursewasnotaterribleidea.”
“Yourmurdermysterygamewasn’thalfbadeither,”hesaid.
“Ididn’texpectWaytobequitesodramaticwithherdeathscene.”
“Speakingoftherecentlydeceased,”Nolansaid,noddingasmynieceskippedourway.
Shestoppedinfrontofmeandlookedup.“UncleNash?”
“Yeah,Way?”
“Thanks.”Shedidn’tsayanythingelse,justhuggedmearoundthewaistandthenranoffwithhergigglingfriends.
Iclearedmythroat,surprisedbytheemotionIfelt.AhugfromWaylayWittwaslikeonefromLina.Unexpected,hardwon,anddamnmeaningful.
“Youstilllovewhatyoudo,”Nolanobserved.
“Yeah.IguessIdo,”Iadmitted.
“Hangontothat,”headvised.
“What?Youdon’tlovespendingyourdaysbabysittingmyass?”
“Notevenalittlebit.”
“Maybeyoushoulddosomethingaboutit.”
“That’swhatLinaandIweretalkingaboutlastnight.”
“YouwerewithLinalastnight?”ButthatwasasfarasIgotwiththequestioningbeforewewereinterruptedbyWaylay’steacher.
“Congratulations,gentlemen.IhaveitongoodauthoritythatthiswasbyfarourmostmemorableCareerDay,Chief,”Mr.Michaelssaid,handingmePiper’sleash.
ItturnedoutthatwhilePiperwasshyaroundadults,shelovedkids,thelouderandcrazierthebetter.I’dneverseenthedamndogsohappybefore.
“Happytohelpout,”Isaid.
“IhaveafeelingyoujustinspiredthenextgenerationofKnockemoutpoliceofficers,”hesaid,stretchinganarmouttoencompassthesixth-gradefrenzy.
Mr.MichaelsheadedofftotalktosomeoftheotherCareerDaylosersandKnoxtookhisplace.“Waytoshowmeupinfrontofmyownkid,jackass.”
Ismirked.“Can’thelpitifmyjobiscoolerthanyours.”
“Yourjobisninetypercentpaperwork.”
“Lookwho’stalking,Mr.InventoryandPayrollHell.”
MybrothersnortedandturnedtoNolan.“AppreciatethehelpwithDiltonandhiscrewlastnight.Maybeyoudon’ttotallysuck.”
“Linadidmostofthedirtywork.Icamealongjustintimetohelpwiththecleanup.”
“Whatthehellareyoutwotalkingabout?”Idemanded.
Nolanlookedatme.“Youcomewalkin’outofherapartmentthismorninghalfnakedwithbedheadandyoudon’tknow?”
“Talk.Now,”Isnapped.
“Didyouunfuckthingswithher?”Knoxasked.
“WhathappenedwithDilton?”Irepeated,ignoringmybrother.
“Heandhisbuddiesweregettin’alittlerowdyatHonkyTonk.TheypissedoffMaxtheserver,whichgiventhetimingofthemonthwasprettyfuckingstupid.ThenLinacaughthiseye,”Nolanexplained.
Ofcourseshedid.She’dcatchanyman’seye.
“Whathappened?”Ireachedformyphone.IwasgoingtotrackDiltondownandkickhisass.ThenI’dtrackLinadownandyellatherforanhourorsofornottellingmeshe’dtangledwithmyproblem.
“Slowyourroll,Romeo.FisaidLinaevisceratedthemoronwithwords.Now,backtowhatyouweredoin’sneakin’outofherplace.Shedidn’tsayjackaboutyouthismorningwhensheborrowedmytruck,”Knoxsaid.
“Goddammit.Whydidsheneedyourtruck?”
“Linawasholdin’herown,”Nolancontinued.“Butanothercustomer—bigguy—steppedinwhenitlookedlikeDiltonmightbetoodrunktomakegoodchoices.YourmanagerthreatenedtocallthecopsjustasIwalkedin.SoIgottoescorttheassfaceoutside.”
“Whatdidhesaytoher?”
“Dunno.Shejustsaidhewasbeingadick,”Nolansaid.“Aftermychatwithhim,Iassumeditwasdrunkenmisogyny.Hey,doyouguysthinkIshouldlosethe’stache?”
“Yes,”Knoxsaid.“Itmakesmewanttopunchyouintheface.”
“Damnit.Itwassupposedtobemyfreedomfacialhair.Youknow,getdivorced,growsomehair,magicallyturnintoanewperson.”
“I’vegotabarbershopandastraightrazor.Justsaytheword.”
IleftthetwoofthemtotheirfacialhairandwalkedawayalreadydialingTHIRTY
SURVEILLANCEWITHASIDEOFDRAMA
Lina
ThesmellofpizzawaftedthroughtheopenwindowsofKnox’struck.IwascampedoutinastripmallparkinglotinArlington.Acrossthestreetwasablockofrowhomesthathadseenbetterdays
IwaswaitingforWendellBaker,a.k.a.ChubbyGoateeGuy.Hewasbeefy,white,balding,andanenforcerfortheHugofamilywhoworetoomanygoldchainsandalwayshadatoothpickinhismouth.AccordingtoTina’squestionableintel,BakercollectedapaycheckfromAnthonyHugobutwastightenoughwithDuncanthathisloyaltiesweredivided.
Authoritieshadn’tbeenabletotieBakertotheabductionandshootout,whichmeanthewasfreetogoabouthisbusiness.AndIwasfreetofollowhim…hopefullytoapristine1948Porsche356convertible.
Sofar,however,Bakerhadgottenoutofbedat11:00a.m.,grabbedaGrandeatBurritostoGo,andthenpaidhisbrother’sgirlfriendavisitthatinvolvedunzippinghisflyonthefrontporchbeforesheevenansweredthedoor.
Classyguy.
Myphonerangagain.
“Seriously,people?WhendidIgetsopopular?”
I’dalreadyhadcallsfrommymomaboutDad’sbirthdaygift,StefwonderingifIwasplanningtosweatwiththeoldiesatthegymthisweek,andSloane,whohadforcedmetovolunteerforsomethingcalledBookorTreatthefollowingnightatthelibrary.NottomentionthetextfromNaomitellingmeshe’dgivenmynumbertoFiandhopedthatwasokay.ThatwasfollowedbyagrouptextfromFi,Max,andSilverfromHonkyTonkrecappingallthebestfictionalversionsofmyrun-inwithTateDilton.
ApparentlyIhadbrokenabottleoverhishead,thenshovedhimbackwardintoavatoffryeroil.Noonewassurewherethevatofoilcamefrombuteveryoneagreedthatitwashilariouswatchinghimcrawloutofthebarlikehumanescargot.
ThatwaswhenIsawthecallerID.
Ialmostletitgotovoicemailbeforedecidingthatwasthecoward’swayout.
“Iassumeyoufoundyourwayoutofmyapartment,”Isaidbywayofagreeting.
“WhythehellamIhearingaboutyouandDiltonfromaU.S.marshalandmydumbassbrotherinsteadofyou?”Nashdemanded.
“Firstofall,I’dlikeverificationthatyoudidleavemyplace.Second,whenexactlydidwehavetimeforaconversationlastnight?Third—andthisisthemostimportantone,sopayattention—whatbusinessisitofyours?”
“Wespentthenighttogether,Angelina.”HisvoicewentgravellyonmynameandIpointedlyignoredthedeliciousshiverthatrolledupmyspine.“That’splentyoftimeforyoutosay‘Hey,Nash.Iwasaccostedinpublicbytheassholeyoususpended.’”
Hisimpressionofmewasterrible.
“Andthenwhat?You’dhavesaid‘Don’tyouworry,littlelady.I’llmakesureyou’reneveralonesothebig,drunkwolfcan’tbeadicktoyou’?Also,Idon’trememberitfosteringachattyatmospherewhenyoushowedupmidpanicattackatmydoor.”
“Diltonismyproblem,notyours.Ifhe’stryingtomakeityours,Ineedtoknow.”
Thatatleastmadesense.“Fine.”
Myagreementtemporarilyshuthimdown.“Well,okaythen.Now,Iheardthatheapproachedyou,thenyouthrewhimthroughaplateglasswindow,”hesaid,soundingamused.
Isnortedatthatone.“Really?BecauseIheardIdunkedhiminavatoffryeroil.”
“ButwhatI’mmostinterestedinisheapproachedyouandstartedrunninghismouth.Whyandaboutwhat?”
“Imadeeyecontactwithhim.HewasdrunkanddisorderlyandgettingrammysoIlookedathimuntilhelookedatmeback.”
“NeedIremindyouthatwithgreatfemalepowercomesgreatfemaleresponsibility?”
Irolledmyeyes.“Iwasn’ttryingtobecomeatargetorstartshit,Chief.Iwasjusttryingtodistracthimfromrilingupthestaff.Maxdefinitelywouldhavedeep-friedhisasslastnight.”
“Stilldon’tlikeit,butfairenough.”
“Howgenerousofyou.”
“Tellmewhathesaidtoyou.”
“HeaskedifIwasyourbitchandthengavemeamessagetogivetoyou.Saiditwastimetotakeyoudownapegortwo.I,ofcourse,insultedhisintelligence.”
“Ofcourse,”Nashsaiddryly.
“ThenhetriedtopretendhewasacopwhocouldtakemedowntownuntilIfoundmymanners.ImayhavementionedthatIknewhedidn’thaveabadgeanymoreandwonderedhowyou’dfeelabouthimimpersonatingapoliceofficer.ThenheinsultedmeandthewomenofKnockemout,andjustwhenthingsweregettinginteresting,asinfriedfoodbeingthrown,abystanderandNolansteppedin.”
TherewasastonysilenceonNash’send.
“Youstillthere,hotshot?”
“Yeah,”hesaidfinally.
Ididn’tknowitwaspossibletopacksomuchangerintoonetinysyllable
Irockedmyheadbackagainsttheseat.“Itwasfine,Nash.Hewasnevergoingtogetphysical.Notinthere.Notwithme.Hewasdrunkandstupidbutnotdrunkandstupidenoughtoforgetthataphysicalaltercationwithawomaninapublicplacewouldbetheendofhim.”
Therewasmoresilence.
“Nash?Areyoustabbingthatspotbetweenyoureyebrowsrightnow?”
“No,”helied,soundingalittlesheepish.
“It’syourtell.Youshoulddosomethingaboutit.”
“Angelina?”
“Yeah.”
“ImeantwhatIsaid.Diltonismyproblem.Ifhetriestocontactyouagain,Ineedtoknow.”
“Gotit,”Isaidsoftly.
“Good.”
“Howareyoufeeling?NotthatIcare,”Iaddedquickly.
“Better.Solid.IkickedKnox’sassatCareerDay,”hesaidsmugly.
“Literallyormetaphorically?Becausewithyoutwo,itcouldgoeitherway.”
“Bitofboth.Yousleepokay?”Nashasked.
I’dsleptlikethedead.JustlikeIdideverytimeIwasinbedwithNash
“Yeah,”Isaid,notwillingtogivehimmore.
“What’sthatpsychologyminorsayaboutagirlwhodoesn’tliketobetouchedexceptbytheguywhojustkeepspissingheroff?”
“Thatshehasseriousemotionalissuesthatneedtobeaddressed.”
Hislaughwassoft.“Havelunchwithme,Angel.”
Isighed.“Ican’t.”
“Can’torwon’t?”
“Mostlycan’t.I’mnotintown.”
“Whereareyou?”
“Arlington.”
“Why?”
Iwasn’tfallingforthe“comeon,youcantellmeanything”tone.ButIalsohadnothingtohide.
“I’mwaitingforWendellBaker.”Itoldhim.
“You’redoingwhat?”Hewasbacktousinghiscopvoiceagain.
“Don’tbedramatic.YouknowwhatImeanandwhoheis.”
“You’resurveillingmuscleforanorganizedcrimefamily?”hedemanded.
Andtherehewas,mypissed-off,overprotective-for-no-reason,next-doorpainintheass.
“I’mnotaskingforpermission,Nash.”
“Good.BecauseIsureashellwouldn’tgiveit,”hesaid.
“Youareinfuriating,andIwantoffthismerry-go-round.”
“Convincemethisisagoodidea.”
“Idon’thaveto.It’smyjob.Mylife,”Iinsisted.
“Fine.I’llcomedownthererunninglightsandsirens.”
“Jesus,Nash.Iruntrainingsonsurveillancestrategies.I’mdamngoodatit.Idon’tneedtojustifymyjobtoyou.”
“It’sdangerous,”hecountered.
“NeedIremindyouthatyou’retheonewhogotshotonthejob.”
Therewasanoiseonhisendofthecall.
“Didyoujustgrowlatme?”
“Shit,”hemuttered.“Idon’tknow.Everydaywithyouisanewfuckingsurprise.”
Itookthetiniestbitofpityonhim.“Look,withtheheatthefedshavebroughttoAnthonyHugo’sactivities,nooneisdoinganything.I’vebeensittingontwooftheseguysfordays.Alltheydoiseat,havesexwithwomenwhoshouldknowbetter,andgotothegym.Maybehitastripclub.I’mnotlookingtocatchthemcommittingacrime.AllIneedisforoneofthemtoleadmetoastashhouse.EvenifDuncanislonggone,thatcarmightstillbehere.”
“Istillcan’tbelieveyou’redoingallthisforadamncar.”
“It’snotjustanydamncar.It’sa1948Porsche356convertible.”
“Fine.Allthisforasmall,oldcar.”
“Thatsmall,oldcarisworthoverhalfamillionbucks.Andjustlikeeverythingelseweinsure,itscashvalueisonething.Thesentimentalvalueissomethingelseentirely.Thiscarispartofafamily’sstory.Thepastthreegenerationshavegottenmarriedanddrivenoffinthiscar.There’savialoftheirgrandfather’sashesinthetrunk.”
“Shit.Fine.Damnit.Iwantyoucheckinginwithmeeveryhalfhour.Ifyou’reevenoneminutelate,I’llshowupandblowyourcoversofastit’llmakeyourheadspin.”
“Idon’thavetoagreetoanyofthis,”Ipointedout.“Youkeepactinglikewe’reinsomekindofrelationshipwhenwe’reclearlynot.”
“Baby,youandIbothknowthere’ssomethinghereevenifyou’retooscaredtoacknowledgethat.”
“Scared?YouthinkI’mscared?”
“IthinkIhaveyoushakinginthosesexyhigh-heeledbootsofyours.”
Hewasnotwrong,whichpissedmeoffmore.
“Yeah.Shakingwithrage.Thanksformakingmeregretansweringthephone.”
“Everythirtyminutes,Iwantatext.”
“WhatdoIgetoutofthisdeal?”
“I’llgothroughwhatevercrimescenefilesIcangetfromthewarehouse.Seeifthere’sanythinginthosefilesthatmightleadyoutoyourdamncar.”
“Really?”
“Yeah,really.I’llgiveyouwhateverIfindoverdinnertonight.”
Itwaslikeadancenumberwewerelockedin.Twostepsforward,twostepsback.Getdrawntogether.Getpissedoff.Rinse.Repeat.Soonerorlater,oneofushadtoendthedance.
“Idon’tlikethatyoudon’tthinkIcandomyjob.”
“Angel,Iknowyou’redamngoodatyourjob.Iknowyoucanhandleyourselfbetterthanmost.Buteventually,someonewillsneakpastthosedefenses.Andinyourlineofwork,theconsequencesareahellofalotmoreserious.”
Hewasspeakingfrompersonalexperience.
“Ihavetogo.”
“Everythirtyminutes.Dinnertonight,”hesaid.
“Fine.Butyou’dbetterbringmesomethingusefulandthefoodbetterbegood.”
“Don’tgetinvolved.Don’tdoanythingtodrawattentiontoyourself,”hewarned.
“I’mnotanamateur,Nash.Nowleavemealone.”
“Don’tdoanythingtodrawattentiontoyourself,”Isaid,mimickingNash.Iwasinthesamespot,justonehourmoreboredandmoreuncomfortable.I’dtextedthemantwicewithhisstupid,requiredproofoflife,selfieswiththemiddlefinger.He’drespondedwithpicturesofPiper.Bakerhadyettoshowhisfaceagain.Andmyasswasasleep.
Iwasstartingtowonderifthethrillofthehuntwasonlyexcitingbecausetherestofthejobwassodamnboringbycomparison.Wasitreallyworthit?
Ithoughtaboutthepositionopeningupinthecompany’sHighNetAssetsdepartment.Biggerrisk,biggerreward,biggerthrill.ButdidIreallywanttodedicatetherestofmyworkinglifetochasingthethrill?Ontheotherhand,theideaofsupervisoryworkgavemetheheebie-jeebies.Allthosepeopleneedingtobemanaged?Ugh.
ButwhatelsecouldIdo?WhatelsewouldIbegoodat?
Thosewerequestionsthathadtowaitforanotherday,becauseamaninleatheranddenimcarryingabouquetofgrocerystoreflowersstrolledupontotherowhomestooplikeheownedtheplace.
Apparentlyhedid,becauseheproducedakeyandopenedthefrontdoor.
IsatupstraighterandgrabbedmybinocularsjustasWendellBaker’sbrotherheadedinside.
“Ohshit.Thisisn’tgood.”
Theshoutingstartedshortlyafterthat.
Okay.Thiswasn’tgreat.Butaslongastheykeptitverbal—
Thebrotherexitedhishouse…throughthefrontwindow…whichwasclosed.
“Fuck.”Igroanedandreachedformyphoneasglassshattered.
Buck-nakedWendellBakerstompedoutthefrontdoor.AwomaninarockbandT-shirtandnothingelseappearedbehindhimandstartedscreaming.Theleatheranddenim-cladbrothergottohisfeetintimetotakearightcrosstothejaw.
“911.What’syouremergency?”
“ThisisLinaSolavita.I’maninvestigatorforPritzgerInsurance.There’sanakedmanassaultingsomeoneonthesidewalk.”Igavethedispatchertheaddress,andassherepeateditbacktome,thewomanvaultedovertherailingontoBaker’sbackandgotanarmaroundhisthroat.Hebuckedforwardtryingtounseathisattacker,whichunfortunatelyaffordedmeafrontrowseattoviewbothoftheirbutts.
“Nowthere’sawomanassaultingthenakedman.”
“Ihavetwounitsinthearearesponding,”thedispatchersaid.“Isthewomannakedtoo?”
“She’swearingaWhitesnakeT-shirtandnothingelse.”
“Huh.Goodband.”
ThebrothergottohisfeetagainandrammedhisshoulderintoBaker’sgut,drivingthemanbackagainsttheconcretesteps.IthoughtofNash’sbruisedjawandKnox’sblackeyeandwonderedifallbrothersfoughtlikethis.
“Doesanyonehaveanyweapons?”thedispatcherasked.
“NonethatIcansee.Nakedguydefinitelydidn’tcomearmed.”
ThebrothersbrokeapartandWhitesnakeladyslitheredoffBaker’sback.Thebrotherreachedbehindhisbackandproducedalargeknife.
“Shit,”Imuttered.“Nowthere’saknifeinplay.”
Justthen,twokidsexitedthehousenextdoorandstoodtransfixedbythescenebeforethem.
“Andnowtherearetwokidswatching.”
“Officersareenroute.Twominutesout.”
Someonecouldpokealotofholesintwominutes.
Thebrotherjumpedforwardandmadethewildslashingmotionofanamateur.
Nash’swordsranginmyheadagain.Butitwaseitherdonothingorlettwoidiotsmurdereachotherinfrontofchildren.
Itossedmyphoneontheseat,openedthedoor,andlaidonthehorn.
WhenIhadtheirattention,Istoodontherunningboardandshouted,“Copsareontheway.”
Bothbrothersstartedtowardme.
“Seriously?”Imuttered.“Whyarecriminalssostupid?”
IwaslayingonthehornagainastheycrossedthestreetwhenIfinallyheardthesoundofdistantsirens.
Theystoppedinthemiddleofthestreet,debatingwhethertheyhadenoughtimetogettome.
Iheardthesquealoftiresbehindme.AwhitepanelvanrolledupbehindKnox’struckandthedoorslidopen.
Amaninaskimaskhoppedout,grabbedmebythewrist,anddraggedmetowardthevan.
Thebrotherswererunningatusnow.
“Getin,”SkiMasksaid,pullingagunoutofthewaistbandofhispants.Buthedidn’taimitatme.Heaimeditinthedirectionoftheadvancingbrothers.
“Um.Okay.”THIRTY-ONE
WOULDYOULIKEONIONRINGSWITHTHAT?
Lina
“Youguysdidn’tgrabmejusttomurderme,right?”Iaskedthevan’soccupants.“Becauseyouprobablycouldhavejustletthoseguysbacktheredoyourdirtywork.”
Thedriverandthepassengerwhograbbedmeexchangedalookthroughtheirskimaskeyeholes.
“Noone’sgettin’murdered,”thedriverassuredme.Thesirensweregettinglouderbehindus.
“Mightwanttohangon,”thepassengersuggested.Justthen,thedrivertookahardleftturnthathadmehittingthefloor.
“Ow.”
“Sorryaboutthat.”
Forabductors,theywereprettypolite.
“Heardyou’vebeentryingtogetameetwithGrim,”thedriversaid.
“Isthataproblemorareyouthewelcomewagon?”Iasked,rollingintoasittingpositionandwedgingmyselfagainstthewall.
Thevanveeredhardtotherightasthedrivercutacrosstwolanesoftraffictocatchanon-ramp.
“We’reclear,”thepassengerreported.
Theybothpulledofftheirskimasks
“Wait.Don’tyouwanttokeepthoseonsoIcan’tidentifyyou?Orwereyoulyingbeforewhenyousaidyouweren’tgoingtomurderme?”
Thedriverwasawomanwiththick,naturalhairthatwavedvoluminouslyaroundherhead.“Relax,”shesaidintherearviewmirror.“ThosewereforCCTVcameras,notyou.”
Thepassenger,alean,tattooedguywithashavedheadandablondbeardpulledouthisphoneanddialed.“Yo.Fifteenminutesout.”
Hehungup,puthisfeetonthedash,andturnedontheradio.
Coldplayboomedthroughthevehicle.
Theydidn’ttakemetoacool,abandonedwarehouseoraseedymotorcycleclubhouse.No.MyfriendlyabductorsdrovemetoaBurgerKing.
Thedriverpulledintoaparkingspaceandtheybothgotout.Asecondlater,thedoorslidopenandtheguygesturedformetogetoutwithamockbow.
Ifollowedtheminsideandwasstruckwithaninstantcravingforonionrings.
Wewalkedpasttheregisterstowardtherestrooms.
ThereinthelastboothwastheoneandonlyGrim.Hewastattooedfromknucklestoneck.ThegrayT-shirtheworelookedlikeithadbeenvacuumsealedtohistorso.Hissilverhairwasslickedbackfromhisface,andheworesunglassesdespitethefactthatitwasanovercastdayandhewasindoors.Hewaspickingatasaladwithaplasticfork
HepointedattheseatoppositehimwiththeforkandIsat.Withajerkofhishead,myfriendlyabductorsweredismissed.
“WhatcanIdoforyou,InvestigatorSolavita?”Hisvoicewasoneofthosesandpaperybaritones.
“Firstofall,youcantellmehowyoufoundme.”
Hislipscurledinamusement.“Myguyswerejustbringingupthetailendoftheparade.”
“Whatparade?”
“WewerewatchingyouandthefedswatchingHugo’sman.Gottastayabreastofwhatgoesdowninmyterritory.”
“Wherewerethefeds?”
“Setupintheemptystorefrontablockdown.”
“AndtheywerejustgoingtolettheBakerboysknifeitoutonthestreet?”
Heshruggedhismassiveshoulders.“Idon’twastemytimetryingtounderstandwhythelawdoeswhatthelawdoes.I’mmoreinterestedinyourinterestinthematter.”
“I’mlookingforsomethingDuncanHugostoleandprobablystashedlocallybeforeheskippedtown.”
“ThePorsche.Sweetride.”
“You’rewell-informed.”
“Paystoknowwhat’sgoingoninmybackyard.”
“Idon’tsupposeyoucouldtellmewheretofindthatcar?”Iventured.
Grimspearedatomatowithhisforkandateit.“Itnevermadeittohisshopbeforethebust,anditdidn’tshowatthewarehousepriortohislittleabductionspreeeither.Don’tknowwherehe’sgotit.”
Iletoutanirritatedsigh.“Well,thanksforyourtime.Justsoyouknowforfuturepurposes,thisabductioncouldhavebeenatextoranemail.”
Hepushedtheremainsofhissaladtotheedgeofthetable.Withinseconds,abikerappearedandclearedit.“What’sthefuninthat?”Grimasked.“Besides,I’vegotsomethingmoreimportantthaninfoonacar.”
“What’sthat?”
“Rumors.Whispers.”
“Ididn’tdipthatguyinfryeroil.Idon’tknowwhat’swrongwiththattown’sgossipphonetree,butthingsseriouslygetlostintranslation,”Iinsisted.
Hislipsquirkedagain.“Nottalkin’aboutthat.I’mtalkin’aboutDuncanHugostillhangin’around,plottingsomeprettybigmoves.”
Iblinked.“Hugo’sstillhere?Butthatwouldbe…”
“Stupid?”Grimfilledin.“Notnecessarily.Notifeveryone,includinghisfather,thinksheskippedthecountry.Notifhe’ssofarundergroundnoone’sseenhimsincehehightaileditoutofthatwarehouse.”
“Butwhywouldhestay?EveryonefromhisfathertotheFBIarelookingforhim.”
“Ifyouwerehim,whywouldyoustickaround?”
Ichewedonmylipandranthroughthescenarios.“EitherI’manidiotandIthinkthisisallgoingtoblowoveror…”
“Or,”Grimrepeated.
“Ohshit.OrIseethisasmyopportunitytotakeoverthefamilybusiness.IfIcangetridofDaddy,Itakehisplaceonthethrone.”
Grimnoddedapprovingly.“Smartgirl.Hedoesn’tevenhavetogotowarforit.Hecanjustsittightandwaitforthefedstomaketheirmove.Allhehastodoistieupalooseendhereandthere.”
Ihadasinkingfeelinginthepitofmystomach.“Whatkindoflooseends?”
“NashMorgan.”
Crappitycrap.Ilookeddownatmywatch,thenwinced.
“CanIborrowyourphone?”THIRTY-TWO
ACOURTESYWARNING
Nash
Iwantedtopunchsomething.Anything.
Iglancedtomyright.KnoxwasstillwearingthefadingremainsoftheshinerI’dgivenhim.Lucianwasonmyleft,legsbraced,armscrossed.Inallouryearsoffriendship,I’dneverthrownapunchathim.I’dalsoneverseenhimgetphysical.Iknewhewascapableofit.I’dseentheaftermathofit.ButI’dneverwitnessedhiminaction
Thesedays,hepreferredtounleashthatpent-upboyhoodfuryinotherways
Butforme,Iknewtherewasonlyonewaytogetthisoutofmysystem.
“Heretheycome,”Knoxsaid.
Thehalfcircleofgrizzledbikersinfrontofuspartedasabikeroaredintothelot.IrecognizedGrimimmediately,butitwashispassengerthathadmecurlingmyhandsintofists.
Thebikecametoastopdirectlyinfrontofme.Linareleasedherarmsfromthebiker’swaistandswungonelonglegoverinagracefuldismount.
ShehadbarelypulledoffthehelmetbeforeIwasyankingherintomyside,thenpushingherbehindmyback.
“Nash—”
“Don’tstart,”Iordered.
Knox,Lucian,andNolanclosedranks,andtogetherweformedawallbetweenherandGrim.
ThesecondstickedbyasIstaredhimdown.
“GivemeonereasonwhyIshouldn’tarrestyourightnow,”Igrowled.
“Savedyourgirlfromgettingherasskickedforone,”Grimsaidsmugly.
Thefirstcheck-inshe’dmissedhadNolanandmeheadingformyvehicle.Wehadn’tevenmadeitoutoftheparkinglotbeforeGravealertedmetothe911callinArlington.IwasontheroadbythetimeLinacalledme…fromGrim’sphone.
KnoxandLucianshowedupatthebiker’sheadquartersaboutfiveminutesafterwedid.
“Gentlemen,Ihatetobreakupthisthrillingstaringcontest,”Linasaid.“ButIreallyhavetopeeandGrimhasinformationhe’sgraciouslywillingtoshare.”
“Let’sdothisinside,”Grimsaid.“Exceptforhim.”AlleyesturnedtoNolan.“Onecopisbadenough.Idon’tneedtwoofyoustinkinguptheplace.”
Nolandidn’tlooklikehelikedthatidea.
“It’sfine,”Iassuredhim.
“Don’tdoanythingstupidinthere,”hemuttered.
Inodded.
“So,boysandgirls,whatdowedowhilewewait?Shootsomehoops?PlaysomeScrabble?”NolanaskedtheremainingbikersaswefollowedGriminside.
Knoxgrabbedmyarm.“Trynottobealaw-abidingdickinthere,okay?Youdon’twantGrimasanenemy.”
Ijerkedfreeofhisgrasp.“Trynottobeanassholeinthere.”
“Bothofyoubehave,”Linahissed.
Itookherhandandanchoredhertome.Noonewasgettingnearher.
Ihadtoadmit,thiswasn’twhatI’dexpectedfromamotorcycleclubheadquarters.Insteadofsmoke-staineddrywallandbeer-soakedfloors,theinterioroftheone-storyblockbuildingresembledmoreofaclubandgallery.Thefloorswerestainedconcrete.Thewallsalternatedbetweenstarkwhiteanddarkgraywithlarge,chaoticcanvasesaddingbrilliantpopsofcolor.
GrimpointedLinainthedirectionoftherestroomandIstoodguardoutsidewhiletheothersenteredwhatappearedtobesomesortofconferenceroom.
WhenthebathroomdooropenedandLinasteppedout,Istraightenedawayfromthewall.
“Areyouokay?”
“I’mfine.Iswear.Grimandhisbikerminionsareactuallyprettynice.Andbeforeyouevensayit,noneofthiswasmyfault.”
EverytimeIlookedather,herbeautystruckmelikeahammer.Everytimemyeyesfoundher,somethinginsidemelitup.Iwantedtotouchher,tobackherintothewall,cageherin,andrunmyhandsovereveryinchofherbody.ButifIdidthat,Ididn’tknowifIwouldhavethestrengthtostop.SoIkeptmyhandsatmysides.
“Nash?”sheprodded.
“Iknow,”Isaid.
Shewentstill,thenshookherheadindisbelief.“Youknow?Whatdoyouknow?”
Igrittedmyteeth.“Thatitwasn’tyourfault.”
“Gonnabehonest.Iwasn’texpectingthat.”
“Doesn’tmeanI’mfuckin’happyaboutyoubeinginthatsituationinthefirstplace.EventhoughIgettosayItoldyouso.BecauseIfuckingtoldyouso.Anditsureashelldoesn’tmeanIenjoyedhavingnofuckin’cluewhathappenedtoyouafteryoucalled911.AndyoucanbeteveryexpensivepairofshoesyouownthatIwastheoppositeofthrilledtofindyouwerepulledoutofthatsituationbymeninskimasks.”
“Actually,thedriverwasawoman,”shepointedout.
ButIwasn’tfinished.“AndI’mdefinitelyhavin’issueswithseeingyourideuptoagoddamnmotorcycleclubonthebackofagoddamnknowncriminal’sbike.”
“Lookatthebrightside,hotshot.Rememberhowyouhatedthenumbness?Lookatthecolorfulrangeofemotionsyou’reexperiencingrightnow.”
Istartedtorubmythumbbetweenmyeyebrows,thenstopped.“ThinkIwannagobacktonumb.”
“No,youdon’t.”Hersoftsmiledisappearedandhereyeswentserious.“YouneedtohearGrimout.Icalledyouforareason.”
She’dcalledmethistime.Andthatcountedforsomething.
“I’llhearhimout,butIcan’tguaranteeIwon’ttakeaswingathimorslapcuffsonhim.”
“Prettysureamotorcycleclubpresidentwillinglyinvitinganofficerofthelawintohislairisabigdeal.Maybeleavethecuffsoutofit,”shesuggested.
Wefoundtheothersinwhatwasindeedaconferenceroomseatedatalongwoodtablewithrawedgesandblackmetallegs.
Grimsatattheheadwithtwoofhiscrewathisback,ashort,tattedwhiteguywithabarrelchestandatall,willowyBlackwomanwithbloodrednails.
Linawavedtothewomanandshenoddedback.
KnoxandLucianwereseatedacrossthetableonGrim’sleft.IclaimedtheseattohisrightandpulledoutthechairnexttomeforLina.
“Let’sgetthisoverwith.Don’tmuchcareforcopsinmyhouse,”Grimannounced.
“It’snotexactlyapicnicformeeither,”Isaid.
KnoxrolledhiseyesandLinakickedmeunderthetable.
Igaveherthighawarningsqueeze.
“WhatNashmeanstosayisheappreciatesyousharingthisinformation,”Linasaidpointedly.
Grimgrunted.
“Whathaveyougot?”Iaskedinamarginallymorepolitetone.
“MyclubhashadaninterestinDuncanHugo’soperationssincehissplitfromthefamilybusiness.Wekeepourearstothegroundandkeepoureyesonwildcardslikethatlittleprick,”Grimbegan.
“Especiallyafterhedecidedtosetupachopshopinyourterritory,”Knoxpointedout.
Hugo’soriginalshophadbeenraided.He’dsetupanotherinthewarehousewhereNaomiandWaylayhadbeentakenandterrorized.GrimhadbeentheonetoalertKnoxtowheretheywerebeingheld.
ThatcombinedwiththefactthatLinawasunharmedweretheonlytworeasonsmyfisthadn’tmettheman’sface.
“Thatwasafactor,”Grimadmitted.“Ourinterestremainedevenafterhedisappeared.AndwhenacertainpersistentinsuranceinvestigatormadeitclearshewantedtochataboutHugo,ourinterestdeepenedandwestartedlisteningtothewhispers.”
Ididn’thavethepatienceforthistapdance.“Whatwhispers?”
Grimputhiselbowsonthetableandsteepledhisfingers.“TheofficialwordonthestreetisthatDuncanHugolefttownimmediatelyaftertheshitthatwentdownandboughtaone-waytickettoMexico.”
“What’stheunofficialword?”Lucianspokeforthefirsttime.
“Heneverleft.Hewenttogroundandstartedthinking.”
“Thatwouldbearealstupidmoveonhispart,”Knoxsaid.
“Thefedsarestilllookingforhim.I’vegotaU.S.marshalupmyass,andHugodecidestostickaround?”Iprompted.“Itdoesn’tmakeanysense.”
“Itdoesifhe’splanningtomoveonthefamilybusiness,”Grimsaid.
LucianandKnoxexchangedglances.
Lina’shandfoundmineonherlegandsqueezed.
“You’retalkingaboutanorganizedcrimewar.Youcan’traiseanarmywithoutsomeonerunningtheirmouth.Noonemakesmovesthatquiet,”Isaid.
“Notnecessarily,”Linacutin.Alleyeswenttoher.“AllDuncanneedstodoissittightuntilthefedsmoveonhisfather.Hedoesn’tneedanarmyforthat.Justafewloyalsoldierstoeasetheorganizationthroughthetransitionofpower.”
Fuck.
“Dothefedsknowaboutthis?”Iasked.
“Accordingtomysources,they’vebeenreceivinganonymousinformationthat’shelpingbuildtheircaseagainstAnthonyHugo,”Luciansaid.
Ididn’twanttothinkabouthowLucianhadsourcesintheFBI.
“ThatinformationcouldbecomingdirectlyfromDuncan,”Linapointedout
“Fuck.”Mybrothercombedahandthroughhisbeard.“SohefeedsthefedsinfoonDaddy’soperation,andwhentheylockhimup,DuncanstepsintoDaddy’sshoes?”
“That’swhatitlookslike.”
“Whywouldn’tthefedsjustmoveonbothassholes?”Knoxasked.
“AnthonyHugohasbeenrunningacriminalempirefordecades.Hissonissmallchangebycomparison,”Grimpointedout.
“Hetriedtokillmybrother,”Knoxbarked.
“Thefedscutdealsallthetimetogetwhattheywant.They’vehadahard-onforHugoSeniorforyears.They’renotgonnawasteresourcesonasmall-timecarthief,especiallynotifhe’savaluableenoughassettothem,”Grimsaid.
“SowhatthehellamIsupposedtodowiththisinformation?”Idemanded.
“You’resupposedtowatchyourfuckin’back,”Grimsaid.“IfDuncanHugodecideshewantstostepinasheadofthefamily,allhehastodoiscleanupafewlooseends.”
Lina’slegtensedundermygrip.
“Andthosewouldbe?”Iasked,alreadyknowingtheanswer.
Grimlookedatme.“You.”Thenheshiftedhisgazetomybrother.“Andyourgirls.”
Knoxgrowled.
“Awfulhardtobuildacaseifnoneofthewitnessescantalk,”Grimsaidominously.THIRTY-THREE
BOOKORTREAT
Lina
Me:How’smyfavoriteresearcherintheworld?
Zelda:LeavemealoneunlessyouhaveanythingelseonBurnerPhoneGuy.
Me:Itakeityouhaven’tfoundhimyet?
Zelda:Evenmysuperpowershavelimits.WithoutHugo’sburnerphonerecordsoranameoratleastadescription,I’vegotawholelotofjackbubkes.
Me:Definejackbubkes.
Zelda:Ihavealistof1,217people(856ofthemaremen)affiliatedwiththisguyeitherthroughfamily,school,sports,ormiscellaneous.ThatincludesneighborsfromeveryaddressI’vefoundforhim,neighborhoodliquorstoreclerks,hisfather’semployees(bothincarceratedandnot),mailcarriers,etc.Unlessyouhaveawayofnarrowingitdown,we’reshitoutofluck.
Zelda:Anyluckongettingyourhandsonthecrimescenereport?Maybethere’ssomethingintherethat’llhelp.
Me:No.NashisMIAsinceyesterday’svisittoBikerWorld.AndnowIhavetogodressuplikeNancyDrew.
Zelda:Ihavesomanyquestions.
Thelibrary’sannualBookorTreateventturnedouttobeanexcuseforKnockemouttogatherforHalloween-themedsnacksanddrinkswithoutthechaosoftrick-or-treating,whichwouldbeheresoonenough.
EveryOctober,thestreetinfrontofthelibraryclosedtotrafficforonenighttomakeroomforaband,dancefloor,foodtrucks,and,ofcourse,amobilebar.Librarypatronsboughtticketstotheparty,businesssponsorsbadgeredbySloanedonatedthefoodanddrinks,andthelibrarykepttheprofits.
Unfortunatelyforme,thescentsoffreshlypoppedpumpkinspicepopcornandhardciderweren’thelpingmeforgethowannoyedIwas.NotonlyhadNashbailedondinnerthenightbefore,he’dfailedtodeliveranythingfromthecrimescenereport.
Healsohadn’tcalled,texted,orevenknockedonmydoortodemandanothersleepover.WhichIabsolutelywouldhavesaidnoto.
AccordingtotheKnockemoutgrapevine,he,Knox,Nolan,andLucianhadholedupinKnox’ssecretlairoffice.
Thiswasmonumentalbecause,todate,theonlypersonKnoxhadeverallowedtoentersuchhallowedgroundswasNaomi.
Ofcourse,thegrapevinealsohadtheoriesaboutwhythefourunlikelyamigoswereonlockdown.Theseincludedthesecretdisposalofabody,atwenty-four-hourhigh-stakespokergame,or—mypersonalfavorite—KnoxhadfinallypissedNaomioffoverfloralarrangementsandnowhewaswaitingoutherwrath.
ButIwasprettysureIknewthetruth.Themenfolkwerestrategizing,andthey’dleftmeoutofit.
Okay,yes.Ipreferredtodothingsonmyown.Andyes,Ididn’tlovebeingpartofateam.ButIwasalreadyinvolved.Iwastheonlyonerunninganactiveinvestigation.Andthosefourmachoshitheadsstilldidn’tthinktoincludeme.
IrealizedI’djustcrumpledthepaperinmyhand.
“Uh,here’syourreceipt.Sorryaboutthemangling.Thanksforyourdonation,”Isaid,handingovertheballed-uppapertoStasia.ThestylistatWhiskeyClipperhadjustdonatedajumbo-sizedbagofhardbackstothelibrary’sbookdrive.
“Youdoingokay,Lina?”sheasked,stuffingthereceiptinherbag.
Damn.Ireallyneededtoworkonmypokerface.
“I’mfine,”Iinsisted.
“Ifyou’reworriedaboutKnoxandcompany,don’tbe,”shesaid.“Iheardthey’retakingsecretballroomdancelessonstosurpriseNaomiatthewedding.”
Igrinned.“YouknowwhatIheard?”Ipausedandlookedbothwaysbeforeleaningacrossthetable.
Stasialeanedintoo.“What?”shewhispered.
“Iheardthey’rechoreographingaflashmobdance.Somethinginvolvingtearawaypants.”
“Oh.My.God.Ican’twaitforthiswedding!”
Afewminuteslater,IwasspelledfrommybookdonationdutiesbyDorisBaconofBaconStables,whohadcomedressedastheHorseWhisperer.
Mycommunityservicehadearnedmeoneglassofspicedwine,Idecided.AndonceIenjoyedit,IwasgoingtogotoKnox’sofficeandpoundonthedooruntiltheFourDumbassesoftheApocalypseletmein.
Ihadjustacquiredmywinewhenaprettyblondwholookedvaguelyfamiliarstoppedinfrontofme.“Lina?LinaSolavita?It’sAngiefromhighschool.”
AngieLevy,thesecondhighestscoreronmysoccerteamandthereasonI’dstartedgoingbyLinainhighschoolbecausehavingtwoAngiesontheteamwasconfusing.Shewasabiologywhizwhodroveherdad’shand-me-downExcursionthatheldhalftheteamforicecreamruns.She’dlivedonDietCokesandpeanutbuttercrackers.
Shewasoldernow,prettiertoo.Heroncelongblondhairwasnowcroppedinaswingybob.Sheworejeans,cashmere,andachonkydiamondonherlefthand.
“Angie?Whatareyoudoinghere?”Iasked,dumbfounded.
“MyhusbandandIworkinDC.Whatareyoudoinghere?”
“I’mjust…passingthrough,”Ihedged.
“Youlookamazing!”shesaid,openingherarmsasifshewereabouttohugme.
“Thanks,”Isaid,wardingoffthehugbygesturingwithmyglassofwine.“Sodoyou.”
“No.Really.Youlookwonderful.Stunningeven.”
Thiscomingfromthegirlwho’dcanceledmystandinginvitationtosleepoversatherhouse.
“Thanks,”Isaidagain.
Sheshookherheadandgrinned,showingthatlongforgottendimple.“I’mgushing.I’msorry.It’sjustI’vethoughtaboutyousooftenovertheyears.”
Icouldn’tthinkofasinglereasonwhy.Sheandtherestoftheteam,therestofmyfriends,hadessentiallyabandonedme.
Itwasn’tlikefaultyheartvalveswerecontagious,butbeinglinkedtomewasapparentlydeadlyforteenagereputations.
“Mom!”Aboywithfieryredhairandmilkshakestaininghisjacketlaunchedhimselfintothemidstofourconversation.“Mom!”
Angierolledhereyesbutsomehowdidsowithaffection.“Hey.Rememberthatwholemannersconversationwehadyesterdayandthedaybeforethatandthedaybeforethat?”sheasked.
Theboy’seyerollwasanexactcopyofhismother’s.Heheavedaworld-wearysighbeforeturningtome.“Hi.I’mAustin.I’msorrytointerrupt.”
“It’snicetomeetyou,Austin,”Isaid,notquiteabletosmotherasmile.
“Cool.”Heturnedbacktohismother.“NowcanIaskyoumyveryimportant,worth-interrupting-youquestion?”
“Fireaway,”Angiesaid.
Hetookadeepbreath.“Okay,soDavysaidtherewasnowayIcouldbeathimattheballoondartgame.WhichistotallystupidbecauseI’mwaybetteratthrowingthingsthanheis.OnlyIdidn’tdosogoodinthefirstroundbecausehecheatedandpokedmeinmyticklezone.Whichisnotfair.AndIneedarematch.”
“SoyouneedmorethanthetenbucksIgaveyouinthecarthatcamewithanexplicitwarningnottoaskformorebecauseyouweren’tgoingtogetanotherdollaroutofme,”Angiesummarized,shootingmeanamusedlook.
Henoddedenthusiastically.“Yep!”
“Whydidn’tyouaskyourfather?”
“He’sinagrudgematchwithBraydenatWhack-a-Mole.”
Angieclosedhereyesandthenlookedupatthenightsky.“Isittoomuchtohaveaskedforalittleestrogeninmyhouse?”sheaskedtheuniverse.
“Mom,”Austinsaidonadesperatewhine.
“Didyoutakethegarbageoutlastnight?”
“Yes.”
“DidyoudoallyourhomeworkforMonday?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Areyouwillingtopulltheweedsinthefrontflowerbedwithoutcomplainingoraskingformoremoney?”
Hisnodwasevenmorevigorous.“I’llevenfoldmyownlaundryfortheweek.”
“Fivebucks,”Angiesaid,producingherwalletfromherpurse.
“Yes!”Austinpumpedhisfistvictoriously.
Sheheldoutthebillbutpulleditbackwhenhersonreachedforit.“Holdit,buster.WhenDavygoestothrowhisdart,waveandsay‘Hi,Erika.’”
Austinfrowned.“Why?”
“Becauseyourbrotherhasacrushonherandhe’llbedistracted.”Sheheldoutthefive-dollarbillagain.
Hesnatcheditoutofherhand,hisfreckledfacelightingup.“Thanks,Mom!You’rethebest.”
Iwatchedhimdashoffintothecrowd,cashheldtriumphantlyoverhishead
“Sorryaboutthat.Myentirelifeforthepastdecadehasbeennothingbutinterruptions,”Angiesaid.“Threeboyswhogotobedeverynightandwakeupwithallmannerserasedfromtheirbrainssoyouhavetostartoverwithferalcavebabieseverymorning.Anyway.WhatwasIsaying?”
“Ishouldprobablyheadout,”Isaid,lookingforanescape.
“Oh!Iknow.IwassayingI’vebeenthinkingaboutyoualot.”
Andwewerebacktoawkward.“Ah.Yes.That,”Isaid.
“Ialwaysregrettednottryinghardertoforcemywayoverthosewallsafter…youknow.”
“Mycardiacarrestinfrontofhalfthetown?”Ifilledinglibly.
Thedimpleflashedagain.“Yeah,that.Anyway,eveninthemidstofmyteenagenarcissism,IknewIshouldhavetriedharder.Ishouldhavemadeyouletmebethereforyou.”
“Mademe?”Myshoulderstensed.“Look,itwasalongtimeago,andI’moverit.I’mnotgoingtoblameabunchofteenagegirlsfornotwantingtohangoutwiththe‘deadgirl.’”
“Ugh.IfIwereWayneSchlocker’smother,thatboywouldhavebeengroundeduntilcollege.”
Waynewasanathletic,God’s-gift-to-girls-and-footballturd.Itdidn’tsurprisemethathe’dbeentheonetocomeupwiththenickname.
“YoudoknowthatCindypunchedhiminthemiddleofthecafeteriaforthat,don’tyou?AndthenReginasquirtedanentirebottleofketchuponhim.ThewholeteamstartedcallinghimWayneShitLockerafterthat.”
“Seriously?”
“Ofcoursewedid.Youwereourfriendandyouwereinthehospital.Whathappenedwasneverajoketous.”
Ihadtoask.Ineededtheanswertomyfirstunsolvedmystery.“Thenwhydidyoujustdisappear?”
Angiecockedherheadandgavemeamomlook.“Wedidn’t.Atleastnotatfirst.Don’tyouremember?Wewerethereeverydaywhileyouwererecovering.Inthehospital,thenatyourhouse.”
Ididvaguelyrecallswarmsofteengirlscrying,thenlaughinginmyhospitalroomandthenmybedroom.Buttheswarmshadgottensmallerandsmalleruntiltherewerenovisits.
“Youknowwhat?It’snotimportant.Ithappenedalongtimeago.”
“Thefaultismine.Teenagemeexpectedteenageyoutobounceback.Togobacktonormal,”Angieadmitted.
Butnormalhadn’tbeeninthecardsforme.Notforyearsafter.
“Ikindofexpectedthattoo,”Iadmitted.
“Insteadofthe‘normal’Iexpected,youwentintoadarkplace.Whichnow,afterAustin,Iunderstand.Ididn’tthen.Neitherdidtheothergirls.Andbecausewedidn’tunderstand,weletyoupushusaway.”
Anothermemorysurfaced.AngieandourfriendCindylyingonmybed,flippingthroughmagazines,debatinghowmuchcleavagewastoomuchforaschooldance.Mesittinginthewindowwithbandagesonmychestknowingnotonlywouldn’tIbeshowingcleavage,Iwouldn’tbegoingtothedance.
Instead,I’dbetravelingtoseeaspecialist.
Worse,noonehadaskedmetothedanceinthefirstplace.
“God,isthatallyouidiotscareabout?”I’dsnappedatthem.“Datesandboobtape?Doyouknowhowvapidyousound?”
Iwincedatthelong-buriedmemory.
I’dfeltabandoned,butIhadn’tacceptedresponsibilityfortheroleI’dplayed.I’dallbutevictedmyfriendsfrommylife.
“WhathappenedwithAustin?”Iasked.
“Leukemia,”shesaid.“Hewasfour.He’ssevennow,stillinmaintenancechemo.Butthekidisamazing,minusbeinganassholetothetwins.IhadthisahamomentduringaplaydateweforcedAustininto.MyhusbandandIweretryingtodeliverasmuch‘normal’aspossible.”
“Myparentswenttheoppositeroute,”Isaidwryly.
“Irememberit.Yourpoormomwouldstickherheadinyourbedroomdooreveryfifteenminuteswhenwewerethere.Ithoughtitwasover-the-topsmotheringatthetime.Butnow?”Sheblewoutabreath.“Idon’tknowhowshewasabletorestrainherself.Ithoughtweweregoingtolosehim.Andforafewminutes,yourmomreallydidloseyou.”
“Well,I’mgladyoursonisdoingbetter,”Isaid,feelingallkindsofawkward.
“Withthehelpofhisfriends.Heandhistwobestfriendswereoutsidethrowingrocksintothecreek.SomethingupsethimandAustinhadaprettyepicfit.Calledthemnames.Toldthemhedidn’twanttoplaywiththemanymore.Andyouknowwhattheydid?”
“Startedthrowingrocksateachother?”
Angiegrinnedandshookherhead.Hereyesglistened.“Thoselittledoofuseshuggedhim.”Atearslippedfreeandsliddownhercheek.Shewipeditawayhastily.“Theytoldhimthatitwasokaythathewasfeelingbadandthattheyweregoingtobehisfriendnomatterhowbadhefelt.”
Ifeltastinginginmyeyeballs.“Well,crap.”
“Ugh.Iknow,right?Youwouldn’tthinklittleboyswouldhavemoreemotionalmaturitythanteengirls,buttheydid.”Angieswipedawayanothertear.“Anyway,thatwasaturningpointforAustin.Hestoppedfightinghistreatmentssohard.Histempertantrumsgotfewerandfartherbetween.Andhestartedenjoying‘normal’again.That’swhenIrealizedhowbadlywe’dmessedupthatturningpointforyou.Wedidn’tdigin.Wedidn’tacceptthebadandweweren’tpatientenoughtowaitforthegoodtocomeback.Andforthat,I’msoverysorry.Whathappenedtoyouwasn’tfairandneitherwashowwehandledit.Butbecauseofyou,Iwasabletobeabettermomtomysonwhenheneededmethemost.”
Icouldn’tblink,becauseifIdid,thehottearswouldescapeandwreakhavoconmykick-asseyeliner.
“Wow,”Imanaged.
Angiedugawadoftissuesoutofhermompurse.“Here,”shesaid,offeringmehalfofit.
“Thanks.”Itookitanddabbedatmyeyes.
“Well,Ididn’texpecttobedoingthistonight,”shesaidwithasnifflylaugh.
“Meneither.”Iblewmynoseandtookaswigofwine.
Ahandsomegingerguyinaballcapstrodeup.“Hey,babe,theboysconnedmeinto—ohshit.”HelookedatAngie,thentome,thenbacktoAngie.“IsthisanI-need-a-hug-and-alcohol-right-nowmomentorafunnel-cake-will-fix-itmoment?”
Angieletoutasoggylaugh.“Definitelyfunnelcake.”
“I’monit,”hesaid,pointingatherwithbothhands.“Iloveyou.You’rebeautiful.Andmeandtheboysaresoluckytohaveyou.”
“Extrapowderedsugar,”Angiecalledafterhim.Sheturnedbacktome.“Thatwasmyhusband.He’sprettygreat.”
“Iguessed.”
“CanIgiveyouahugnow?OrIguess,moreaccurately,canyougivemeahug?”sheasked.
Ihesitatedforthebriefestofsecondsandthendecided.“Yeah.”
Iopenedmyarmsandshewalkedrightintothem.ItwasweirdhownotweirditfelttobehugginganoldfriendwhoI’dthoughtI’dlost.DozensofmemoriesofbettertimessurfacedandIrealizedhowdeepImusthaveburiedthem
“Hey,Lina!Getyourassoverhere.Weneedyouinthephotobooth,”Sloaneshoutedfromthesidewalk.ShewasdressedasRobinHood,andthelongfeatherinhergreenfeltcapwasalreadybroken.
“Hurryupbeforemyfingersgetfrostbite,”Naomicalled,wigglingaboozymilkshakeatme.ShewasdressedasPrideandPrejudice’sElizabethBennetinanempire-waistgownwithsomeimpressivecleavage.
“Orbeforewebringalltheboystotheyard,”Sloaneadded.
Oncue,Harveythebikerraceduptothemandstarteddancing.
IlaughedandreleasedAngie.“I’dbettergo.”
“Yeah,metoo.Whoknowswhatthetwinsconnedmyhusbandinto.”
“Twins?Youpoorthing,”Iteased.
“Theworst.Don’teverdoit,”shejoked.“Anyway,weliveforty-fiveminutesfromhere.DoyouthinkIcouldgiveyoumynumberandwecouldgettogethersomeplacethatdoesn’tallowchildren?”
“I’dlikethat.”
“It’sgreattoseeyou.I’mgladyoufoundsomerealfriends,”Angiesaidwiththatproudmomsmile.
Wetradednumbersandwentourseparateways.
IsubmittedtotworoundsofposinginthephotoboothandsampledNaomi’smilkshake.Sloanehandedmeacopyoftheprintoutandwelaughedattheanticscaptured.
Realfriends.That’swhatAngiehadcalledthem.NaomiandSloanehadacceptedallofme,includingmyless-than-perfectparts.
WasIstillholdingeveryoneatarm’slength?Andwasittimetochange?
“Weshoulddance,”Sloaneannounced.
“Idon’tknowifIcandance.Thesegussetsmakeithardtobreathe,”Naomisaid,fiddlingwiththeribbingunderherboobs.
Ifeltatinglingsensationbetweenmyshoulderblades.Therewereonlytwothingsthatcreatedthatkindofawareness:troubleandNashMorgan.
IturnedandfoundNashflankedbyKnox,Nolan,andLucian,approachinglikeateamofstoicsentriesimmunetothemerrimentaroundthem.Theclosertheygot,thefastermyheartbeat.
NaomithrewherselfintoKnox’sarms.Hiseyesclosedashepressedhisnoseandmouthtoherhairandbreathedherin.SloaneglaredatLucianlikehewasthesheriffofNottinghambeforesmilingandwavingatNolan.
Meanwhile,IpretendednottonoticeNash’sgazeboringholesinme.
“Imissedyou,”NaomisaidasKnoxreleasedher.“Iseverythingokay?”
“Justdealin’withsomebusiness.Didn’tmeantoworryyou,Daze,”Knoxsaidalmosttenderly.
“Youweren’treallyhidingabody,wereyou?”sheteased.
“Angelina,”Nashsaidquietly.Hisgazetraveledmybody.“Whoareyousupposedtobe?”
“I’mNancyfreakingDrewandyou’relate.”IputmyhandsonmyhipsandwastryingtodecidewhetherIwasgoingtoyellathimorignorehimwhentheuniversedeliveredananswerforme.ThebandlaunchedintotheopeningbarsofLukeBryan’s“That’sMyKindofNight,”andsuddenlyIwantednothingmorethantobefarawayfromthisexactspot.
“Let’sdance.”IgrabbedSloane,whograbbedNaomi,andoffwewent,leavingthemenstaringafterus.
“Idon’tknowthesteps,”Naomisaid.
“It’seasy,”Ipromised,draggingmyfriendsintothecenterofthecrowdofdancersastheylinedup.“Besides,withthoseboobs,noone’sgoingtocareifyoumissastep.Justfollowalong.”
WeslidinbetweenJusticeandTallulahSt.JohnontheleftandFiandherhusbandontheright.SandwichingNaomibetweenus,SloaneandIfellintostepwiththerestofthedancers.
I’dfalleninlovewithlinedancinginmyearlytwentiesthankstoahonky-tonkbarnearcampus.CountrymusicstillremindedmeofthoseearlyyearsoffreedomwhenIcouldjustbeagirlonthedancefloorandnotsomemedicalmiracle.
Weweresurroundedbydenim,leather,andaparadeofHalloweencostumes.Thesharpclompofbootsechoedofftheasphalt.Colorsblurredaswewhirledaround.IforgotaboutDuncanHugo.AboutNashMorgan.Aboutworkandwhatcamenext.IfocusedonNaomi’slaughter,theplatinumgleamofSloane’sponytailaswedanced.
ButIcouldonlyblockouttherealworldforsolong.Especiallywiththoseblueeyeslockedonme.
EverytimeIspun,mygazewasdrawntoNashandcompanystandingontheedgeofthecrowd,legsbraced,armscrossed.Togethertheyformedawallofunfairlyhotmasculinity.Itshouldhavegoneagainstthelawsofnaturetoallowsomanyperfectspecimensofalphamaletooccupythesameterritory.
Theywereallfrowning.
“Whyaretheyglaringatus?”Igrousedbetweenbootstomps.
“Oh,that’sKnox’shappyface,”Naomiinsisted,steppingthewrongwaybeforecorrectinghercourse.
Sloaneclappedintimewiththerestofthecrowd.“That’sLucian’sassholeface.”
Dancerswhoopedasthesongcametoanend.Butjustasweallbrokeranks,thenextsongstartedandJusticeclaimedme,spinningmeoutandpullingmeback.Laughing,Ijoinedhiminatwo-stepuntilTallulahappeared.Justicespunmeoutagainandgrabbedhiswife.Ihootedwithlaughterasanotherpairofarmsfoundme.ItwasBlaze,onehalfofmyfavoritelesbianbikercouple.
Togetherwecutanenthusiasticrug,singingalongwiththerestofthecrowd.Ibarelyheardtheindignantsqueakoverthechorus.Buttherewasnomissingtheshrill“Getyourhandsoffme,asshole.”BlazeandIcametoahaltonthedancefloor,andIspottedSloane,baringherteethandstrugglingagainstthegripofoneofTateDilton’sfriends.THIRTY-FOUR
INEVITABLE
Lina
Hewasabig,sweatyguywhohadclearlyhadmorethanhisfairshareofbeer.Healsodidn’tlooklikethetypetocrackabook,andIwaswillingtobethe’dcrashedthisparty.
Ipushedmywaythroughthecrowd.
“Isaid,backoff,”SloanegrowledasIarrivedatherside.
“Nowwhereyourunnin’offto,darlin’?”thebigmansaid,flashingagrinwithagoldcaninetooth.HetriedtoperformsomekindofdancestepbutonlysucceededintwistingSloane’sarmandknockingtheglassesoffherface
“That’sit.Takeahike,micropenis,”Isnapped,insertingmyselfbetweenthemandbreakinghisholdonSloane’sarm.
Hisattentionzeroedinonme.“Whydon’tyougiveyourselfafeel,sweetheart,”heslurred.Hegrabbedmywristwithastinginggripandstupidlyyankedittowardhiscrotch.
“Iwouldn’tdothatunlessyou’vegotenoughsickleavesavedupforatesticleretrievaloperation,”Isaid,fightingthedownwardtrajectory.
“Woooowee!Ilike’emspirited,”DrunkyMcBadChoicesaid,twistingmywristpainfullyandleavinghimselfwideopen.“Whoareyousupposedtobe?”
Iclosedmyfreehandintoafist.“Getaclue,”Isaid,windingup.ButinsteadofthesatisfyingconnectionofknuckletofaceIexpected,Ifoundmyselffreedfromhisgripandairbornethankstothestrongarmthatsnakedaroundmywaist.
“Hey!”Iyelped.
“Holdher,”camethetersecommandasChiefNashMorganhandedmeofftohisbrother.
“Letmego!”Idemanded,fightingagainstKnox’sgrip.
Inmyrage,InoticedthatLucianhadSloaneinasimilarhold.ThemanwasshootingdaggersoftheeyeballvarietyatBikerBigMistake.
“Yougotthis?”KnoxaskedNashashelockedmyarmsatmysidesbeforeIcouldjumpbackintothefight.TheMorganswerestubbornandstrong.
“Igotthis.”
ThesteelinNash’svoice,thearcticchillinhisblueeyeshadmegoingstill.I’dneverseenhimsofurious.
Hurt?Yep.
Amused?Sure.
Charming?Absolutely.
Stupidlystubborn?Athousandtimesyes.
Buttheicymaskofrageheworenowwassomethingnew.
Therewasdefinitelysomethingwrongwithmebecausethatonelookathisfacemademehot.Likehand-a-girl-a-fresh-pair-of-underwearhot.
Igaveonelastflail,butKnox’sgripwasunbreakable.
“Iwantedtopunchhim,”Iwhined.
“Getinline,Leens,”Knoxsaid.
Therewasaline,Irealized.Nashwasatthehead,NolannextwithLucian—stillholdingSloane—athisback.KnoxandIbroughtuptherear.
“You’reunderarrest.”Nash’svoicerangwithauthority.
“Arrest?Mepunchinghimwouldhavebeenahellofalotmoresatisfying,”Icomplained.
“Bepatient,”Knoxsaid.
SloanestruggledagainstLucian’sgrip.“Ifyoudon’tgetyourhandsoffme,I’ll—”
“You’llwhat?”Lucianinterruptedher.“Kickmeintheankleandcallmenames?”
Shegrowledinresponse.
“MaybehandSloaneofftoGraham?”Knoxsuggestedbelatedly.
“No,”Luciansaid,hisvoicecolderthananiceberg.
“Youcan’tarrestme!Iain’tdonenothin’,”BoozeBreathwhined.
Naomiappearednexttous,abagofpopcorninhand.“Ithinkyoucanlethergonow,Viking,”shesaid.
“Daisy,Iknowyouthinkthat.Butthisain’tmyfirstrodeowithBarFightLina.Ilethergoandshe’sgonnastartbreakin’faces.”
“Ohcomeon!Onetime,”Ispat,renewingmystruggles.
“Twotimes,”heargued,lockinghisarmstighteraroundme.“You’reforgettingthatasshole’snoseinPittsburgh.”
Igotenoughroomtoelbowhiminthegut.Unfortunatelyhisrock-hardabsdidmoredamagetomyelbowthanviceversa.Whatwasitwiththemeninthistownandtheirmuscles?“Ouch!Damnit!You’retheonewhothrewhimthroughawindow.”
“Calmthefuckdown,Lina,”hegrowled.
“Honey,youdoknowthatdoesn’tworkonwomen,right?”Naomisaid,scoopingupahandfulofpopcorn.
“Knox,ifyoudon’tletmego,I’mgoingtostartwithyourface,”Iwarned.
“Youputyourhandsontwowomenwhomadeitcleartheydidn’twantthemthere,”Nashwassayingtotheunpunchedfaceofthebiker.“You’reunderarrest.”
“Whatseemstobetheproblemhere?”
“Fuck,”KnoxmutteredasTateDiltonstrolledintothesituation.
“Yeah,you’regonnawanttoletmegonow,”Ihissed.
“Igotthis,”Nolansaidoverhisshoulder.
“Thishasnothingtodowithyou,Dilton,”Nashsaid,hisvoicesnappingwithauthority.
Diltonsneered.“Lookstomelikeyou’reabusin’yourpower.Someone’sgottastandupforwhat’sright.”
“Yousureyouknowwhatthatlookslike?”Nashasked.
“Herewego,”Knoxmuttered.HeliftedmeoffmyfeetandhandedmetoHarvey,thegiganticbikerwitharmsthesizeofmyhead.“Holdthis.”
“Surething,Knox.How’sitgoing,Lina?”Harveyaskedashewrappedthosetattooedpythonsaroundme.ImanagedtokickKnoxintheassasheleftbutitwasonlyaglancingblowanddidlittletosoothemytemper.
LuciandepositedSloanenexttoNaomi.“Movefromthisspotandwe’llhaveproblems,”hewarned,loomingoverherwithafingerinherface.
“Biteme,Lucifer.”
KnoxandLuciantooktheirstancesnexttoNashandNolan.
“Prettysureyou’retheonlyonebeinginvestigatedforabuseofpower,yajackwagon,”someoneinthecrowddrawledatDilton.
“Youshutyourdirty,lyin’mouthorI’llshutitforyou,”hesnarled.
Hewasdrunk,whichmadehimthatmuchmoredangerous.InoticedSergeantHopperandanotherofficersidlingupbehindthefirstlineofdefense,readytostepinifnecessary.RealizingIwasn’tgoingtogetashotatavengingSloaneormyself,IletmyselfgolimpagainstHarvey.
Hereleasedme,thenpattedmeontheheadbeforesteppingupnexttoHopper.
Irritated,IjoinedNaomiandSloane.OurviewwasrestrictedbytheringofKnockemoutcitizenstakingNash’sback.
“Comeon,”Isaid,spottinganabandonedpicnictable.
“ButLuciantoldSloanenottomove,”Naomisaid,liftingthehemofherdress.
“Luciancankissmyass,”Sloanesaidandfollowedme.
Thethreeofusclimbedupontothetable.
“Prettysurehe’dliketodomorethankissit,”Iguessed.
Sheignoredmycommentandsquintedatthecrowd.“AllIcanseearepissed-offblobs.”
“We’llgetyourglassesassoonasNashisdonetalkingtheseassholestodeath,”Ipromised.
Naomishookherhead.“Oh,he’snottalkingthemtodeath.He’slullingthemintoafakesenseofcomplacency.Justwatch.”
“Tate?”Aprettyblondontheedgeofthecrowdwrungherhands.
“Gobacktothecar,Melissa,”Diltonsnapped.
“Momcalled.Rickyhasafever—”
“Gobacktothefuckin’car!”
Thewomanscurriedaway,disappearingintothecrowd.
“You’reunderarrest,Williams,”Nashsaidtotheguywho’dgrabbedSloane.“Youhavetherighttoanattorney.”
ButNashwasn’treachingforcuffsandhealsowasn’ttakingadefensivestance.Frommyvantagepoint,IcouldseeWilliamsgettingreadytodosomethingreallystupid.HewaiteduntilNashhadalmostfinishedreadinghimhisrightsbeforemakinghismove.
Iwatchedinslowmotionastheman’sfistplowedintoNash’sface.Averyfemininegaspescapedmeashisheadsnappedbackwiththeforceoftheblow.Buthedidn’tstaggerandhedidn’tputhishandsuptodefendhimself.
Imadeamovetojumpdownfromthetable,butNaomistoppedme.Nooneelseinthecrowdhadmovedamuscle.
“Whatthehellishedoing?”Ihissed.“Nashjustletthatguyhithim.”
“It’sawholething,”Naomisaid.“Ifhegetshitfirst,it’sself-defense,andaccordingtoLucian,thelegalbillsaresmaller.”
“Plus,thiscountsasresistingarrest,”Sloaneadded.
“Why,IdobelieveBronteWilliamsjustassaultedanofficerwhileresistingarrest,”Harveyyelledthroughcuppedhands.
“That’swhatIsaw,”awomaninflannelagreed.
“Samehere.”
“Ifeelunsafewiththiscriminalactivityunfoldinginfrontofme.Imighthavetodefendmyself.”
Achorusofagreementrangoutfromthecrowd.
“Yougotyouroneshot.Noweitherturnyourassaroundandputyourhandsbehindyourbackortrythatshitagain,”NashsaidtoWilliams.
WilliamsandDiltonexchangedalookandthenstrucksimultaneously.WilliamshauledbacktohitNashandfoundhimselftakingafacefullofpissed-offpolicechieffist.Hewentdownlikeananvil.Noswaying.Nostumbling.Oneshotandhekeeledoverbackward,unconsciousbeforehehittheroad.Itwasbeautiful.
“Yes!”Isaid,pumpingmyarminvictory.
Dilton’sswingconnectedwithNolan’sjaw.Nolanspit,thengrinnedasheraisedhisownfists.
“What’shappening?DidthefatblobjustpunchNash?Whoaretheothertwoblobs?”Sloanedemanded.
Naomideliveredtheplay-by-playforSloaneasNolandeliveredaone-twocombinationtoDilton’sfacethathadthemanstaggeringbackandtrippingoverhisowndamnfeet.Helandedhardonhisass,whichmadethecrowdlaugh.
Itwasoverthatquickly.
“Niceshot,Nolan,”Sloaneyelled.
“Doesviolencemakeyouwanttobreakyourthree-daterule?”Naomiteased
Innotimeatall,Hopperandtheotherofficerwereloadingthetwobloodied,handcuffedassholesintothebackofacruiser.Williamswasabitgroggyfromhisrecenttriptodreamland,andIfeltasenseofvindicationwhenDiltonhowledinpainashisasshittheseat.
InoticedLucianinthemiddleofthestreetpausetopicksomethingupofftheground.Hestudiedit,thentuckeditintohispocket.Hiseyesscannedthecrowd,thennarrowedwhenhespottedusonthepicnictable.
“Uh-oh,”Naomiwhispered.
“Uh-ohwhat?”Sloanedemanded.“Ican’tseeshit!”
“Lucianiscomingtowardus,”Isaid.
“Andhelooksmad,”Naomiadded.
Sloanesnorted.“Please.Healwayslooksthatway.It’sapermanentcaseofPMS.”
“Uh,no.IhavetoagreewithNaomi.Helookslikehewantstomurdersomeoneandthatsomeonemightbe—”
“Itoldyoutostayput,”LuciansnappedatSloane.
“AndItoldyoutokissmyass.Iguessneitheroneofusdoeswhatwe’retold,”shesaid,enjoyinghervantagepointoverhim.
“Ohboy,”Naomiwhispered,tiltingherbagofpopcorninmydirection.
Itookahandful.
Lucianreachedup,hookedhishandsunderSloane’sarms,andscoopedheroffthetable.Sheyelped,thenstruggledasheheldherateyelevelforjustabeatbeforeloweringhertotheground.
“Iloveitwhenaguycandothat,”Isaid.
“Bemorecareful,”Luciangrowled.Themanwasafoottallerthanshewasandheusedthatheighttoloomoverher.
Sloane,however,hadnointentionofbeingintimidated.
Fireburnedbrightinhereyesasshewenttoe-to-toewithhim.“Right.Becausemedancingisaprovocation.Iwasbasicallyaskingforsomedrunkmorontoputhishandsonme.”
Naomicrunchedloudlynexttome.
“Ifyoudon’twantmetogetinvolved,stopmakingitimpossible,”hesnarled.
“Readmylips,Lucian.Idon’tneedyouanywherenearmylife.Soyoucanstoppretendingyoucare.Webothknowthetruth.”
“Damn,”Iwhispered,helpingmyselftomoreofNaomi’spopcorn.“Didhiseyesjustchangecolorandgetmoredangerous?”
“Oh,definitely,”Naomiagreed.
“Helookslikehewantstotakeabiteoutofher,”Iobserved.Thefactthatneitheroneofthemwaswrithingonthegroundelectrocutedbythesparkstheyfiredoffateachotherwasamiracle.
“Iknow,right?Ican’tbelievetheyhaven’ttorneachother’sclothesoffandhatebangedyet.”
“Whentheydo,Ibetit’llshifttheearth’saxisandsendusspinningoffintospace,”Ipredicted.
Nashstoleourattentionfromthepicnictablestandoffbyclappinghishandsinthecenterofwhathadbeenthedancefloor.“Allright,everybody.It’sstillaparty.Whatarey’alldoingjuststandingaround?”
HegavethebandanimpatientsignalandtheyimmediatelylaunchedintoThomasRhett’s“DieaHappyMan.”
Knoxappearedinfrontofus.WithonetugonNaomi’shand,hehadherfallingoverhisshoulder.“Let’sgo,Daisy.”Heputahandonherassandcarriedherlaughingtothedancefloor.
Othercouplesjoinedthem.Iwasaloneonthepicnictable,thinkingIcoulduseanotherdrink,whensomeonesnaggedmywrist.NashMorganlookedupatme.
“Getdownhere,”heordered.HiseyewaspuffyfromWilliams’sfistandtherewasadropofdriedbloodatthecornerofhismouth.Twoofhisknucklesweresplitandbleeding.HelookedsodamnheroicIwouldhaveswooned…iftherestofhimwasn’tsoannoying.
“I’mfinewhereI—”
Hemovedfastforaguystillhealingfrombulletwounds.BeforeIcouldfightit,heliftedmeoffthetableandsetmeonthegroundinfrontofhim.
“I’mnotdancingwithyou,”Isaidashishandssettledatmywaist.
“Leastyoucandoafterthattrouble,”hesaidashegaveanotherpullthathadmyhipsmeetinghis.ThoseblueeyessmolderedandIwonderedifmyunderwearwasindangerofcatchingfire.
“Youdon’tlooklikeyouwanttodancewithme,”Isaidasmyarmsfoundtheirwayaroundhisneck.
“WhatdoIlooklike?”
“Likeyouwanttothrottleme.”
“Ohno,Angel.Iwasthinkingofsomethingmuchworse.”
Foronceinmylife,Ihadnointentionofpokingthebear.I’dseentoomuchofhim,felttoomuchforhim.IwasstandingontheedgeofaprecipicethatIdidn’twanttofallfrom.
Weswayedfromsidetosidetothetick-tockbeatofthesong,neverbreakingeyecontact.HepulledmecloserwhileIusedmyelbowstopushhimaway,eachofusapplyingmoreandmoreforce.
“How’syourface?”Iaskedasmyarmsstartedtoshake.
“Hurts.”
“Iwashandlingit,youknow.Icouldhavehithimmyself,”Isaidasmyelbowslostthebattleandhepulledmeagainsthischest.Onceagain,NashMorganhadgottencloserthanIwantedhim.
Hetracedthetipofhisnosearoundtheoutershellofmyear.“Iknowyoucould,baby.ButIwasinabetterpositiontodomoredamage.”
“Clearlyyou’veneverbeenpunchedbyme.”
Wewereswayingflushagainsteachother.Myelbowswereonhisshoulders,myhandsloopedbehindhisneck.
“Williamshasaglassjaw.Everyoneknowsit.Allyouneedisoneshottotherightspotandhegoesdownlikeatonofbricks.Hithimthereafterheassaultsanofficerwhenhe’salreadyhadtwosimilarchargesandthesituationcleansitselfuprealfast.”
Ipulledbacktolookupathisface
“Okay.MaybeI’malittleimpressed.”
“Withwhat?”
“Withyou.Iwasmad.Ijustwantedtomakehimbleed.Butyouwerefueledbyrageandstillhadthecapacitytorunthosecalculations.”
“Ihadgoodreasontodoittherightway.”
“Why’sthat?”
“Hetouchedyou.”
Hesaiditsosimply,asifhewasn’tdeliveringthetruthwiththestrikeofahammer.AsifIdidn’tfeelitinsidemelikeathousandtinyelectricshocks.Asifmystupidheartdidn’tfallrightoutofmystupidchestandlandathisdamnfeet.
Hetouchedyou.
Andjustlikethat,Itoppledrightoffthatprecipiceintofreefall.
Ashort,blondRobinHoodpoppedupnexttous.“Hey,Lina?We’rerunninglowonraffleticketsandIcan’tseeshit.Doyouknowwhere—”
“I’llgetthem,”Ivolunteered,allbutjumpingoutofNash’sarms…outofhisgravitationalfield.
Withoutwaitingforareply,Ihauledasstowardthelibrary.Inside,Islappedahandtomychestandheadedforthestairs.Ilikedmywalls.Ilikedbeingsafebehindthem.ButNashwasbreakingthrough,anditscaredthebejeezusoutofme.
Itookthestairsatajogandfoundthesecondfloordark,butIdidn’twantthelight.Ididn’twanttoseethetruthofwhatwashappening.Icouldn’tpossiblybefallingforNash.Ibarelyknewhim.We’dhadmorefightsthancivilconversations.Twostepsforward.Twostepsback.
Wehadn’tevenhadsex
IheadedforthebackofficewhenIheardthefootstepsonthestairsbehindmeandIknew
Itwasinevitable.
Wewereinevitable.
Butthatdidn’tmeanIwasreadytofacethatfact.
AsquietlyasIcould,Iracedtowardtheoffice.Beyonditwasalargesupplyclosetwheretheraffleticketswerestored.WhereIwouldbecornered.
HewascomingfastandIhadtodecide,butpanicmademefoolish.Iveeredoffintothesmallemployeebreakroom
Ididn’tmakeittwostepsintotheroombeforeNashcaughtme.Thosebig,roughhandssettledonmyhipsasifstakingaclaim.
Mybackwasflushwithhisfront,everygloriousinchofit.AndtherightnessofithadmewonderingwhyIbotheredtryingtoescapeitinthefirstplace.
“I’mgonnaturnyouaround,Angel.AndwhenIdo,you’regonnastoprunningandI’mgonnastopfightingthis.”Hisvoicewasasoul-stirringraspagainstmyear.“Doyougetme?”heprodded.
Ashiverrolledupmyspine.Isogothim.Igothimsogood.
Inoddedandwithouthesitation,hespunmearoundsomyfrontmethis.Mybreastswerecrushedagainsthischest.Hiserectionpressedintomybelly.Histhighswerehardagainstmine.Theonlyseparationwastheinfinitesimalinchbetweenourmouths.
MyworldwasfullofNash.Hiscleanscent,theheatandhardnessofhisbody.Themagneticfieldofhisattention
“You’regonnaopenyourmouthforme.”
“Excuseme?”Iwasgoingforhaughtybutitcameoutbreathy.
Hedippedhishead,drawingmeevencloser.“AndI’mgonnakissyou.”
“Youcan’tjustexpect—”
Butthemandidexpect.AnddamnedifIdidn’topenmymouththesecondhislipshitmine.
Inevitable.THIRTY-FIVE
PUSHEDTOOFAR
Nash
Iwasn’tcoldinside.Notnow.Maybenoteveragain.Iwasaninfernoofanger,frustration,need.
EverythingIwanted,sheheldthekeyto,andI’dbeenwaitingmyentirelifetounlockit.
Icrushedmymouthtohers.Hot.Wet.Hard.Itwasn’takiss,itwasanactofdesperation.ThosesoftlipsthathadtauntedmeforweekswerealreadypartedandIinhaledthatsexylittlegaspshegavewhenIbackedheragainstthewall.
Iplunderedandtook.Ipunishedherwithmytongue.Andwhenshesurrenderedtome,Ifeltpowerripplethroughmyveins.
Imanagedtotearmymouthfromhersforasplitsecond.“AmIhurtingyou?”
“Don’ttreatmelikeI’mfragile,”sheraspedasecondbeforeherteethsankintomylowerlip.
Mybloodsimmered.Mybodyroaredtolifewithaneedunlikeanyother.Ididn’tknowifIcouldsurvivethisandIdidn’tfuckingcare.
Atleastthistimesurvivalwasachoice.
Wedevouredeachother,breathedeachotherin,thendovebeneaththesurfaceagainandagain.
Myhandscruisedherhips,herwaistbeforefindingtheirwaytothepromisedland.
ThethrobbinginmycockturnedpainfulwhenIfilledmypalmswithherbreasts.Soft,invitingflesh.Hernipplespebbledagainstmyroughhandsthroughhertop.
Hermoanwentthreadyatthecontact.Thenoise,theshudderthatrolledthroughher,thefeelofthosepeaksstrainingformoredrovemeoutofmymind.Itwasmyhandsshewantedonher.Nooneelse’s.Therewaspowerthere.Andgratitude.
Linatuggedhardonmybeltbuckle.Thezingofleatheragainstmetalmademedesperateformoreandremindedmewhat“more”meant.
“Wait.”Igrippedherfingersatmyfly.
“What?”shewhispered,herbreastheavingagainstmyotherhand.
“Ineedthistobegood.Needyoutofeelgood.”
“Idon’tthinkyouhaveanythingtoworryabout.”
Ishookmyheadandtriedtogetthewordsout.“Ihaven’t…since.Idon’tknowifIcan…AndIreallyneedtomakethisgoodforyou.”
Thatlovelyfacesoftenedintheshadows.Notinpitybutinsweetness.Shecuppedahandtomycheek.“Hotshot,trustme.You’vealreadymadeitgoodforme.”
“Angelina,I’mserious.”
“SoamI.”Shelookedatmeearnestly.Thenwinced.“Damnit.You’regoingtomakemesayit,aren’tyou?”
“Saywhat?”Iwashavingtroublefocusingwithherfingersaninchfrommyachingdick.
“OhmyGod.Youalreadygotmeoff.Okay?”Shesqueezedhereyesshutasthewordscameoutinarush.WhenIdidn’tsayanything,sheopenedoneofthem.
“Baby,I’mprettysureI’drememberthat.”
“Notifyouweresoundasleep.Thefirsttimeweslepttogether?Whenwewokeuppracticallydryhumping?”
Iheldontohergaze,herwordsliketheywerelifelines.
Sherolledhereyes.“ForPete’ssake.Igotoff.Okay?Accidentally.Myshirtwasallbunchedupandyouwerehardandintherightplace.Allyoudidwasmoveyourhipsonetimeand…”
“Andwhat?”
“I–Icameapart.”
Fuckme.
Ididn’tneedtohearanymore.Ishovedmyhandsunderherarmsandpickedherup.SheletoutalittletrillofnervouslaughterwhenIboostedherontothecounterandthenwrappedthoselong,leanlegsaroundmywaist,hookingheranklesatmyback.
Iyankedthebuttonsofherblouseopenasshefinallyunzippedmyfly.
Theworldstoppedwhenthosestrong,slimfingersfoundmyshaft.
“God.I’vebeenwaitingsolongforthis,”shesaidonamoan.
SohadI.Myentirelife.
Myjawclenchedandmybreathcaughtinmychest.Theriseandfallofherhigh,fullbreastswashypnotizing.Iwantedtotaste,tosuck.IwantedtoforgeteverythingthatIwasandtakewhatshewasoffering.
Hergriponmydicktightenedandahazebegantocreepintotheedgesofmyvision.Desire.Craving.Need.Itpulsedupmyshaftunderherhandinafranticbeat.Somethingclawedatmychest,beggingtobereleased,andIrealizeditwasthebreathI’dbeenholding.
Sheturnedmeintosomethingprimal,primitive,ananimaldrivenbytheneedtomate.Aftersomuchnumbness,thistidalwaveofemotionscaredthehelloutofme.Atthesametime,Iwantednothingmorethantodiveintoitheadfirst.ButIneededtobecarefulwithher.
Shecuppedmyfacewithherfreehand.“Nash,lookatme.”Hereyeswereglassywithdesire.Herlipswereswollenandpartedasshepantedinshort,sharpbreaths.“Idon’twantthegentlegoodguyrightnow.Iwantwhatyouhaveinsideyou.”
Godhelpme.Iwantedtogiveittoher.Wantedtocutmyselfopenandletthepain,thecoldbleedoutsoshecouldfillmeupwithfireandputmebacktogetheragain.
“It’snotpretty,”Iwarned,nippingatthebaseofherthroat.
Shetightenedherthighsaroundmyhips.“I’mnotworriedaboutbreakingyou,hotshot.Domethesamefavor.”
Withthat,Idoveforward,takingoneduskynippleintomymouthandslidingmyhanduphershort,plaidskirt.
Jesus.Theyweren’ttights.Theywerethighhighs.Therewasnothingbetweenmyfingersandhermoltencorebutapairofsilkyunderwear.Irewardedusbothwithalong,hardsuck,andhernippleswelledinmymouth.
Sheletoutawhimperthathadmoisturewellingupoutofmycock,coatingherfingers.Iwasgoingtoloseit.MyfirsttimebackinthesaddleandIwasgoingtocomebeforewe’devengottenstarted.
IreleasedherbreastandpulledbacksoIcouldlookather,drinkherin.
Shewaswearingaplain,whitethong.Theinnocenceofitdrovemewild.Icoastedmyfingersoverthetransparentwetspotinfascination.
“Yes,”Linahissed,usingherheelstopullmecloseruntilthetipofmycocklinedupwiththewetspotonherpanties.
Webothshuddered.Onelayerofwhitesilkwastheonlybarrierbetweenus.Drivenbyneed,Ituggedthematerialofherthongupsothosesoft,wetlipspartedoneitherside.ThenIranmyknucklebetweenthem.
Herlegsspasmedaroundmeasherheadfellback,knockingintothecabinet
IdiditagainandthenagainasIloweredmyheadtolapatherotherpertnipple.
Icouldn’tgetenoughofthesoft,invitingcurveofherbreastagainstmycheekandjaw.
Butwewereinpublic.
Anyonecouldwalkinandfinduslikethis.
Wehadthingstosettle.
Butnoneofthatmatteredinthismoment.Theonlythingthatdidwasfuckingmywayintoheruntilwebothlostourdamnminds.SomehowIknewonceIdid,thingswouldmakesense.
Idraggedtheheadofmycockbetweenthelipsofhersex.Upanddownthesilkofherthong.
“OhmyGod,”shechanted.“OhmyGod.”
Myhipsgaveashort,hardthrustforwardandwebothstareddown,transfixedatthesightofmytipdisappearingbetweenherfolds.Theonlythingkeepingmefromgoingdeeperwasthatstripofwhitesilk.
“Nash,Ineedyou,”Linawhisperedbeforeshegrabbedmebytheshouldersandsankhernailsin.
Ithrustagainandagain,nudgingthetipofmydickagainstherclitoris.Herbreastsbouncedwitheveryshortdriveofmyhips,teasinganothershotofprecumfromme.
“Don’tyoufuckingcomeuntilI’minsideyou,”Iordered.
“Thenyoubetterhurrythehellup,”shesaidthroughclenchedteeth.
Shedidn’thavetotellmetwice.IwasharderthanI’deverbeeninmylifewhenIyankedthewetsilkofherthongtotheside.I’dneverwantedanythingthisbadly.MyhandshookasIguidedmyachingcockthroughhersilky,soakingfolds.
Iwantedtogoslow,toeaseintoher,givingusboththechancetogetusedtothefit.ButthesecondIfeltherheatsuckingatme,allgoodintentionsburnedaway.
Holdingherbythebackoftheneckandthehip,Idrovehome.
Hercryandmyshoutweretriumphant.Andloudenoughthatsheslappedahandovermymouth.Oureyeslockedandheld.AndinhersIsawmyfuture.
Tight.SotightIcouldbarelysee,barelybreathe.Herinnerwallshadmeinadeathgripthatfeltlikeagonyandecstasywrappedaroundeachother.AndIneverwantedtoleave.
“Fuck!Condom,”Igrittedoutagainstherpalm.
Ihadneveronceforgottenprotection.LizaJ’sboyswereraisedright.Wemighthaveplayedfastandloosewiththerules,butwewerealwayscarefulwithwhatmatteredmost.
Lina’smuscleslockeddownonmeasifshewasafraidIwasabouttopullouteventhoughIcouldn’thaveifmylifedependedonit.
“YouthinkI’dletyougetthisfarwithoutacondomifIwasn’tonbirthcontrol?”shepanted.
“Areyousure?Areyouokay?AmIhurtingyou?”
Thethrobinmycockwasgettingmoreinsistentbythesecond.Ifshetoldmetopullout,I’dcomealloverthosewetpanties.
Iclosedmyeyestowardoffthatvisual.Myballsweredrawnupsotighttheyached.Buttherewassomethingelsehere.Somethingfuckingmagical.
Iwassurroundedbyheat.Slick,wetfirethathadmeinitsgrips.Iwasfinallywarm.Allthewaythrough.ThiswaswhatIneeded.Tobebroughtbacktolife,reanimated.Shewasthelightningstrikethatcutthroughthecoldandthedark.Thatclearedoutthaticyfogthathadclungtome.
Linapulsedaroundme,anundeniablereminderthatIwasalive.Iwasaman
“Nash,please.Givememore.”Herbrokenwhisperfromthoseswollenlipswasmusictomyears.EverysenseIhadcameonlineandfiredupatonce.Theshroudofnumbnessvanishedasifithadneverbeen.
Itwasbecauseofher.Close.IwasclosertoLinathanI’deverbeentoanotherhumanbeing.NotjustbecauseIwassheathedinhertothehiltbutbecauseshepulledatme,teasedmeapart,andsomehowmanagedtoputallthedamagedpiecesbacktogetheragain.
“Holdontome.”Itwasacommandandaplea.
Whenshetightenedhergrip,Ireveledinit.Shewasananchor,keepingmefromfloatingoffintotheabyss.Truenorth.Thewayhome.AndIlovedherforit.Ididn’thaveachoice.
Testingusboth,Islowlypulledoutaninch,thentwo,onlytosinkbackin.
Heavenandhellintertwined,turningpleasureintoanexquisitetorture.Iwouldn’tsurvivethis.ButIalreadyknewIcouldn’tsurvivewithouther.
Herbrowneyeswereglazedwithlust,buttherewassomethingelseinthem.Nerves.
“Angel.”
Sheshookherhead,readingmymind.“Don’tyoudarestop.”
“AmIhurtingyou?”Iaskedagain.
“Morelikescaringthehelloutofme,”sheadmitted,herfingersdiggingintomyshoulders.“Thisdoesn’t—I’veneverfeltthis.”
“Baby,ifitmakesyoufeelbetter,I’mscaredtodeathrightnowthatIwon’tbeabletotakeabreathwithoutyouwrappedaroundme.”
Ineededsomeonewhodidn’tneedme.Someonewhohadnointentionofsticking.SomeoneIwasguaranteedtolose.AndIstillcouldn’tstopmyself.
ShehitchedherkneeshigheronmyhipsandIgrowled.
“Keepscaringme,Nash,”shewhispered.HerbodytrembledagainstmineandthenIwasmoving.
Iwantedslow.Iwantedcontrol.ButneitherofthosewereanoptionwithmycockburiedinLinaSolavitaforthefirsttime.IimagineditwouldtakefiftyorsixtytriesbeforeIcouldmanagetotakeitslow.
Hereyeswerelockedonmine,thoselongdamnlegswrappedtight.Herfingersdugintomyflesh.AndIrode.Hardandfast.OutofmymindasIbaskedintheslickheatsheofferedme.
Itwastoomuch.Mymusclesscreamedasmyhipspumpedmercilessly.Sweatdottedmyskin.
Ineededtoshifther.Ineededtogetdeeper.SoIpluckedheroffthecounter,andstillburiedinsideher,Icarriedhertothetable.Ihingedoverher,forcingherbackjustenoughtochangetheangle.
Ifeltitthen.Theendofher.Pinninghertothetable,Iletgoandthrustedlikeawildanimal.Thetableslammedintothewall.
Buthergazeneverwaveredfrommine
ApleasuresointenseIknewIwouldn’tsurviveitsweptovermeandIdidn’tfuckingcare.TheonlythingthatmatteredwasthatLinahadletmein.She’dsurrenderedtome.Givenherselfover.Shetrustedmewithherbody.
ThetablebangedintothedrywallwitheveryhardthrustIdelivered.
Herwallsquickenedaroundme,thosemusclesdraggingagainstmeeachtimeIpulledoutandfightingmeoneverythrust.Ifeltpowerful
“Angelina.”Hernamewasasnarlthatabradedmythroat.
“Now,Nash.Now!”
Oninstinct,IcoveredhermouthwithmyhandasIslammedhome.
“Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.Angel!”
Icouldn’tstop.Thechurninginmyballshadwonout.Heatstreakeddownmyspine,thenupmyshaftanderupted.
JustasIejaculated,sheclosedaroundme,visetight.Ourreleases—thankfuckingGod—detonatedtogether.
Hercrywasmuffledbymyhand,butIfeltitinthedepthsofmysoul.
Linadidn’tcomedelicately.Herentirebodylockeddown,wrenchingmoresemenfromme.Overandoveragain.Shedemandeditall,evenasherarmsandlegswentslack.
Ikeptcoming,keptpumpingintoherassheclosedaroundme,holdingmetoher,inher.Endless.Warm.Glorious.Fuckingbeautiful.
I’dneverfeltthis.Neverlostmyselfinsideawomanlikethis.
Angelinawasmygoddamnmiracle.AndIwouldabsolutelystepacrossthelineofblackandwhiteintothegraytoprotecther.THIRTY-SIX
HIGHFIVESANDORGASMS
Lina
“Mornin’.”Nash’svoicewasaraspfrombehindme.
Myeyesflewopen,andlastnight,allofit,camefloodingbacktomeinhigh-definitionwithsurroundsound.
Fiveorgasms.
“You’regonnastoprunningandI’mgonnastopfightingthis.”
Nashonhiskneesbetweenmylegs.Histongueworkingmiracles.
“Ineedyou.”
Inevitable.
Andthencirclingrightbacktothefiveorgasms.
Notjustanyrun-of-the-mill,I-could-have-done-better-with-a-vibratororgasms.No.NashMorganhadblownmypreviouspeaksexualexperiencesoutofthewater.Hell,outofthestratosphere.
Itwaslikethemomenthispeniscameout,mybodywasprogrammedtoexplode.
JustwhatthehellwasIsupposedtodoaboutthat?
Oh,andthentherewasthatwholethingaboutmefallinginl—
Yeah,mybrainwasn’tevenwillingtothinktheword.Thiscouldn’tbereal.Thishadtobesomekindofdelusion.Maybethewholetownhadaradonproblem?Ortherewassomesortofhallucinogeninthewater?
Achucklerumbledinhischest,whichwaspressedagainstmynakedback.Mystupidbodythrilledatthesensation.
“Icanfeelyoufreakin’out.”
“I’mnotfreakingout,”Ilied.
“Angel,yourbodyissotenseImightfindadiamondwithmydicknexttime,”hesaid,tracingtheedgesofmytattoowithafinger.
“There’snotgoingtobeanexttime,”Idecided,tryingtoscoochmywaytotheedgeofhisbed.
Thesheetswererumpledfromoursexathonbeforewe’dpassedoutfromdehydrationandorgasmsupersaturation.
Hisarmtightenedaroundmybellyandhedraggedmebackagainsthiminadeliciousshowofstrength.Iwasplottingdefensivemaneuverswhenhenuzzledhisfaceagainstmyhairandsighed.“Iwasright.”
Ipausedmyplotting.“Aboutwhat?”
“Bestwaytowakeupinthemorningbyfar.”
Iwentlimp.
Great.AfteranightofNashtheSexGod,nowIhadtodealwithNashtheSweetheart.Ididn’thavetheweaponrytodefendmyselfagainsteither,letaloneboth.
“Youcan’tkeepmehere,”Iwarnedhim,stretchingmylegstraightuntilmyfootfoundtheedgeofthemattress.“Eventuallysomeonewillcomelookingforoneofus,andI’llbeforcedtotellthemthatyouheldmecaptive.”
Aheavy,hairylegslidovermine.Hehookedmyanklewithhisheelanddraggeditbackward.
Inanothersecond,IwasonmybackandanamusedNashMorganwasranginghimselfoverme.HishipspinnedminetothemattresswiththeaidofwhatIidentifiedashisusualimpressivemorningwood.“Angel,anymanwhowalkedinandsawyoulookin’likeyoulookwouldn’tblameme.”
Myescapeplanfelloutofmyhead.
Thoseblueeyesweresleepyandsatisfied.Hishairwastousled.Thefreshbruisesonhisfacetarnishedhisall-Americangoodguyhandsomeness,givinghimanevensexierrakishappeal.Therewasaself-satisfiedsmirkplayingonthelipsthathadturnedmeintoawrithingpuddleofneed.
Withoutthinking,Itracedmyfingersoverhispecswhereadustingoflighthairtickledme.God,Ilovedchesthair.
Thosetwogarishpinkweltsstoodoutagainsttherestofhissmoothskin,remindingmethatthemanontopofmewasnothingshortofahero.Hehadsuchabeautifulbody.
“What’sgoingoninthatheadofyours,beautiful?”heasked.
“How’syourshoulder?”Iasked.“Iwasn’tcarefullastnight.”
“Shoulder’sfine,”hesaid.“Iwasn’tcarefulwithyoueither.”
Igrinnedagainstmywill.No,hehadn’thandledmelikeIwasadelicateflowerindangerofbeingtrampled.Ihadn’tfeltlikeaglassfigurine.Hehadusedme.Hard.AndI’dfreakinglovedit.
“IguessIdidn’tmindit.”
Nashsliddownmybodyandplacedalightkisstoeachofthetrioofsurgicalscarssurroundingmybreast.Itwaspainfullysweet.Mytoescurledagainstthehaironhislegs.
“Tellmewhatyouneed,”hesaid,justbeforeusinghismouthtoteasemynipple.
“Coffee.Ahugebreakfast.Someibuprofen.”
Hisheadcameupandthoseblueeyeswereseriousnow.“Tellmewhatyouneedtofeelsafewiththis.Withus.”
IfIhadn’talreadylo—likedhim,Iwouldhavefallenhardjustforthat.Noonehadeveraskedmethatquestionbefore.Iwasn’tsureIhadananswer
“I…don’tknow.”
“I’lltellyouwhatIneed,”heoffered.
“What?”
Nashslidoffmeontohissideandproppedhisheadinhishand.Thefingersoftheothertrailedovermybreastsandstomach.Hisswollencockrestedagainstmyhip,scramblingmybrain.
“Ineedtoknowthatyou’reokaywithwhathappenedlastnightandthatyouwantittohappenagain.”
“Doneanddone.Wow.Thatwaseasy.Nowaboutthatcoffee…”
“Ineedtoknowthatyou’reinthiswithmeforhoweverlongitlasts,”hecontinued.“Thatyou’rewillingtoadmitthere’ssomethingbetweenusthataddsuptoahellofalotmorethanjustchemistry.”
“Prettysureweexperiencedaverychemicalreactionlastnight,”Iremindedhim.
Hetrailedthosetalentedfingersupmyneck,throughmyhair,combingitbackfrommyface.“Ineedmorepiecesofyou.Asmanyasyou’rewillingtogive.AndIneedyoutotalktome,honestly.EvenifyouthinkI’mnotgoingtolikewhatyouhavetosay.”
Ishifteduncomfortably.“Nash,wedon’tknowwherethisisgoingorwhatthefutureholds.”
“Angel,I’mjusthappytobebackamongtheliving.I’mmoreconcernedwithenjoyingrightnowthanworryingabouttomorrow.ButIneedustobeonthesamepage.”
Itwasn’tabigask.
Ibrushedmyfingertipoverthescaronhisshoulder.“Thissoundslikeyou’retryingtoturnthisintoarelationship.”
Hissmilewaslikethefirstpeekoftherisingsun.“Baby,we’realreadyinonewhetheryoulikeitornot.”
“I’veneverdonetherelationshipthing.Atleast,notasanadult.”
“AndIneverhadsexinapubliclibrarybefore.Firsttimeforeverything.”
Icontemplatedmyoptions,andforonce,tellingthetruthseemedlikethestraightestpathtowhatIwanted.
IneededNashtounderstandwhathewasgettinghimselfinto.Torecognizethepitfallsthatlayahead.
“IlivealoneandIlikeit.Ihatesharingtheremote.Ilikenothavingtoconsultwithsomeoneelsebeforeorderingdinner.Idon’twanttohavetomovetheseatofmycareverytimeIdrive.Theideaofpassingmydecisionsthroughan‘us’filterleavesmefeelingvaguelynauseated.Ilovemyparentsbuttheirconstantneedtocheckuponmedrivesmeinsane,andthatproblemcouldbecomeyoursifthisgoesanywhere.Iliketosplurgeonclothesandbagsandshoes,andI’munwillingtojustifythat.IgetupearlyandIworkalot.Idon’twanttohavetochangethattoaccommodatesomeoneelse.”
Nashwaitedabeat.“Okaythen.TheonlyTVIwatchistheoccasionalfootballgame.Theremotecanbeyourstherestofthetime.Idon’tmindcooking,butifyoutellmeyouwanttakeoutburgers,I’llgetyoutakeoutburgers.IpromisetoalwaysmoveyourseatbacktotheoriginalpositionafterIdrive.Iwouldn’tmindhavingsomenosyparentsworryaboutmeforachange.IlikethewayyoudressjustfinesoI’vegotnoproblemswithyourshoppinghabits.Longasyouletmespoilyouonceinawhile.Asfortheschedulething,Ithinkyou’rejustreachin’because,Angel,I’macop.Enoughsaid.Andwhenitcomestomakingdecisionstogether,Ineedasayinyourpersonalsafety.Iexpectyoutowantasayinmine.Anydecisionsthataffectustogether,wemaketogether.”
Hewassayingalltherightthingsanditwasscaringtheshitoutofme.“Itravelalotforwork,”Iremindedhim.
“AndImightspendChristmasmorningonthesceneofanaccident.Baby,giveusachancetodealwithit.Atleastagreetothisforthetimebeing.WecanrevisititafterI’vegotHugoinacage.”
Hereallywantedthis.AndIwasdownrightshockedtorealizeIdidtoo.Iwasdefinitelygettingthistown’swatertested.
“There’sonemorething,”Isaid.
“Nameit.”
“Ineedtoknowwhatyou,Knox,Nolan,andLucianhavebeenuptosinceourtalkwithGrim.”
Hedidn’thesitate.“We’vebeenhashin’outaplantoflushoutHugo.”
Isatup.“Whatkindofplan?”
“Thekindofplanthatusesmeasbait.”
“What?”
Iwasuponmyknees,readytodobattle,whenNashstruck,tacklingmebacktothemattress.Hishandsheldmyshouldersdown.Hishipspinnedminetothebed.Andhiserectionnotchedintotheexactrightplace.Likeakeyfittingintoalock.
Webothwentstill.
Mymindmayhavebeeninfightmode,butmybodywasreadyfororgasmnumbersix.
Hegrinneddownatme.“Knowthismakesmesoundlikeanasshole,butIdon’tmindyouworryin’aboutme.”
Itriedtoheavehimoffme,butmyflailingonlysucceededininsertingthefirsttwoteasinginchesofhiscockinsideme.IstoppedfightingandtriedtofocusontheproblemathandandnothowmuchIwantedtherestofhisinches.
“Nash!Youwereworriedaboutmedoingsurveillancebutyouexpectmetobefinewithyouactingasbaittoamanwhotriedtokillyou?”
“I’dbedisappointedifyouwerefinewithit.AndI’dliketopointout,yougotyourselfabductedwhiledoingsurveillance.”
Ibaredmyteethathim.“IfyouthinkIwon’tfightwithyouwhileyourdickisinme,you’reabouttobesorelymistaken.”
“Let’strysomethingnew,”hesuggested.“Insteadoffightin’andstormin’offandpretendin’webothdon’texist,let’shashitoutrightnow.”
Mythighswerestartingtoshakefromtheirgriponhiships.Atthispoint,Ididn’tknowifIwastryingtokeephimfromslidingfurtherinorpreventinghimfrompullingout.“Fine.Talk.”
“IfHugoisfeedinginteltotheFBItohelpbuildtheircaseagainsthisfather,there’sadamngoodchancethey’regonnafeelprettyfriendlytowardhim.Maybefriendlyenoughtoofferupimmunity.ButI’malooseendtohimnomatterwhat.SoareNaomiandWaylay.Rightnow,he’sjustwaitingforthefedstomaketheirmove.Butsoonerorlater,he’sgonnahavetosnipthoselooseends.”
“Andyouwanthimtotrysooner?”
“That’sright.AndIwanthimfocusedonme.”
“Youthinkifhemakesanotherattemptonyou,hisdeal—ifhehasone—willfallthrough.”
“That’stheidea.”
IswearIwaslistening,butmybodywasmultitasking.Iwasgettingwetterbythesecondandmyinnerwallskeptripplingaroundthetipofhispenis.
Nash’seyesclosedandhegroanedlow.“Angel,ifyouwannakeeptalking,you’regonnahavetostopbeggin’formore.”
Tobepetty,IcontractedthemusclesofmysexashardasIcould.“Howareyougoingtoforcehishand?”
Hegrittedhisteeth.“Shit,sweetheart.I’dtellyouanythingjusttofeelyougripmycocklikethat.”
“Thentellme,”Idemanded.
“I’mgonnagetmymemoryback.”
Iwentstillunderhim,understandingandappreciationdawning.“You’regoingtofakeit.”
“That’stheplan,”hesaid,nuzzlingmybreast.“Wedonetalking?”
Islidmyhandsdownhisbackandsunkmynailsintothatperfectassofhis.“Notyet.Spillthedetails.”
Hiseyeswerehalf-shut,hisstubbledjawclenched.“We’regonnaspreadthewordthatmymemoryisbackandthatwe’vegotaleadonthesuspect’swhereabouts.”
Mypulsequickened.Hewasbearingdownagainstmythighs.Iwasn’tgoingtobeabletoholdoutmuchlonger.EspeciallysinceIdidn’twantto.
“Whatprecautionsareyoutaking?”
“Angelina,Icameinsideyouthreetimeslastnight.Sozero.”
Ipinchedhisass.“ImeantwhatareyoudoingtomakesureDuncanHugodoesn’tgetasecondshotatyou?”
Hewasstartingtosweat.Andtherewasaheatblazinginthosedenim-blueeyes.“Stillworkin’onthat.”
“Iwantin.”
“What?”hegrittedout.
Mythighsquiveredandhesankanotherinchintome.
Iwasonfire.Myvisionwasstartingtoblur.Iwantedallofhim.Neededallofhim.ButIneededthisfirst.“Iwanttobeintheloop.”
“Doyouwantintheloopbecauseyouwanttofindthatdamncarorbecauseyou’reworriedaboutme?”
“Both,”Iadmitted.
“Goodenoughforme.I’llkeepyouintheloop.Deal?”hesaid.
“Deal,”Irepeatedandletmykneesfallopentothesides.
Hesanktherestofthewayintome,fillingmewithalong,lowgroan.
Iwasdeliciouslysorefromlastnight.Butthatdidn’tstopitfromfeelingsodamngood.
“Whenareyougoingtoletmebeontop?”Idemandedashepulledalmostallthewayoutandthensurgedbackin
“WhenIknowforsurewatchingyourperfecttitsbounceinfrontofmyfacewon’tmakemegooffbeforeIgetyouoff.I’moutofpractice.”
Therewasnothingoutofpracticeaboutthewayhedrovethatcockintome.
“Practicemakesperfect,”Isaid,shovinghimontohisside.
Herolled,takingmealongfortherideuntilIwasstraddlinghim,impaledonhim,mykneesinthesheets,myhandsonhisshoulders.
Hisgazelockedonmybreasts.Hiserectionpulsedonceinsidemeandhisfingersdugintomyhips.“Yeah.Notgonnalastlikethis.Unlessyoutakeitrealslow.”
Ileaneddown,brushingmynipplesagainstthatgloriouschesthair.“That’snotgonnahappen.”Inippedathislowerlipandstartedtoride.
“Jesus.Fuck.Damnit,”hecursed,buckingunderme.
Butevenwithmeontop,hestillmanagedtowrestlebackcontrol.Hishandsgrippedmyhipsashesetanewpace.Hepistonedhishipsupandyankedmedowntomeethisthrusts.Hard.Fast.Myheartwasinmythroat,everymuscleinmybodypoisedfortheorgasmthatwasbuilding.
IgrabbedtheheadboardandheldonfordearlifeasNashbuckedintome,hittingthatsecretspotwithbrutalaccuracyoverandoveragain.Thefluttersstarted,myinnermusclescurlinginonthemselves,draggingoverthatthick,hotshaft.
“Sofuckingtight,”hemutteredagainstmybreast.“Havetofightmywayineverydamntime.”
“Nash.”Itwasabrokenwhimperasmywallsclampeddownonhimashethrusthome.
“Giveitup,baby.Giveittome.”Thecordsonhisneckstoodout.Hisjawwaslocked,nostrilsflaringashefoughthiswaythroughmyorgasm.
Icouldn’tbreathe,couldn’tsee.Icouldn’tdoanythingbutfeel
Ineededtowin.Neededtotakehimovertheedge.Withtheechoesofmyownreleasestilltremblingthroughmycore,Iboredownonhim.
“Damnit,Angelina,”hesnarled.
Sweatslickedmyskinandhis.Hiseyeswerewildasmythighsgrippedhimharder,hisfingersdiggingintomyhips.HeknewwhatIwasdoingandletmehavemyway.Irodehard,makingmymusclesburn.ThensuddenlyNashcurledintoasit-up,andwithalookofagonizedecstasy,hewentrigidunderme.
Ifelthimcome,feltthefirsthotspurtofhisorgasmdeepwithinme.Itwasendless.Inevitable.Perfect.
Webothcollapsed,myheadrestingonhisshoulder,hisfingersnowgentleastheystrokedmyhair.
Thiswasn’twhatI’dbeenlookingfor.Thiswasn’twhatI’dthoughtI’dneeded.Butthebodydidn’tlie.Iwasn’tcapableoffeelingthiskindofconnectiontoamaniftherewasn’tsomethingessential,elementaltheretobuildon.
“Let’shaveallourfightslikethis,”Nashpanted.
“Neitheroneofuswillbeabletowalkafteraweek,”Ipredicted.
“Thankyou,”hesaidafteralongbeatofsilence.
“Forwhat?”Iasked,shiftingtolookupathim.
“Fortakingachanceonme.Forbeingwithmenow.Wecanworryaboutafterlater.”
“After?”Irepeated,strokingmyhandoverhischest.
“Dowehaveadeal?”heprodded.
Themanwasstillinsideme.
“Fine.Deal.”
“High-five?”heoffered,grinning.THIRTY-SEVEN
AHOLEINTHEWALL
Nash
Istrolledintothestationwithaspringinmystepandadozenchocolateéclairs.Pipertrottedalongnexttome,hernewfavoritetoy—oneofLina’ssocks—clampedinherteeth.
Ihadmyownsouvenirs.Shallowscratchmarkslinedmybackliketigerstripes.Andtherewasthetiny,purplelovebitethatwasmostlyhiddenbythecollarofmyshirt.
“Mornin’…Chief?”Bertle’sgreetingsoundedmorelikeaquestion.
“Mornin’,”Ireturned.Islidthebakeryboxontothecounternexttothecoffeemaker.
Piperstartedhercustomarysniffinglaparoundthebullpen.
“Didyoudosomethingwithyour…face?”Tashiasked,lookingconcerned.
Iranahandovermynowsmoothjaw.“Ishaved.Why?”
“Youlookdifferent.”
“Differentgoodordifferent‘dearGod,pleasegrowthehairbacktocoveruptheugly’?”
ShelookedatmeasifI’drodeinonaunicornprecededbyamarchingbandofleprechauns.
“You’renotmakin’mefeelgoodaboutmygrooming,Bannerjee.”
“Differentgood,”shesaidquickly
Gravewastednotimeinbreakingintotheboxoféclairs.
“How’ditgowithourovernightguests?”Iaskedhim.
“TheybitchedandmoaneduntilDilton’swifeshowedupandpostedbail,”Gravereported.“Youpressin’charges?”
“IfDiltondoesn’tgoquietly,Iwill.”
Gravenodded.“We’vegothimdeadtorightsonthreecasesandwe’veonlygonebackeightweeks.Affidavitsareonyourdesk.Ifhedon’tgoquietly,he’sabiggeridiotthanwegavehimcreditfor.”
IwasbothgladtohavetheproofweneededtobuildourcaseandpissedoffthatI’dgivenhimtheopportunitytoabusehispower.Therewasnotellingwhatkindofdamagehe’dalreadydonebehindthebadge.Butitendedhere.
Gravegavemeacloserlook.“Why’syourfacelooklikeyougotlaid?Isthatahickeyonyourneck?”
“Shutupandeatyouréclair.”
Ispentanhourbuzzingthroughpaperwork,includingtheincidentreportfromthenightbeforeandthethreeaffidavitsfromDilton’svictims.Hispresenceontheforcewasonlyaformalityatthispoint.Hewasnevergoingtowearabadgeagain.I’dseetothat.
Itoppedoffmycoffee,tookalaparoundthebullpen,andthenscratchedoutaquicklettertomydad.
WhenIgotbacktomyoffice,IfoundPiperpassedoutcoldinthedogbedundermydesk.Ireachedformyphoneandsnappedapictureofher,thenopenedmytextmessages.
TherewasnothingfromLina,whichI’dexpected.
I’dtakenadvantageofhersated,walls-downstatetogetwhatIwanted.Acommitment.Atleastatemporaryone.NowthatI’dhadher,allofher,Iwasn’tlettinggo.Ijusthadtohangontightandwaitforhertocatchup.
IfiredoffthepictureofPiperandfolloweditupwithatext.
Me:Stillfreakingout?Orareyoustillinbedtooexhaustedfromorgasmstomove?
Iheldmybreath,thenblewitoutwhenthosethreetelltaledotsappearedbelowmymessage.
Lina:Whatdidyoudotome?Itriedtogoforarunandmylegswouldn’twork.
Igrinned,myanxiousegoimmediatelysoothed.
Me:HopperjusttoldmemyfacelookslikeIgotlaid.
Lina:JusticesaidIwasglowingandStefaskedmeifIgotoneofthoseplacentafacials.
Me:Hopeyouweren’tplanningonkeepingthisasecret.
Lina:Isthatevenpossibleinthistown?
Me:Nope.WhichiswhyI’mtakingyououttodinnertonight.
IfIasked,itwouldgivehertoomuchtimetothink.Themoreshefeltandthelessshethought,thebetter.
Lina:“Outtodinner”asinnonudityandorgasms?
Me:Yes.Unlessyou’replanningtogetusarrestedonourfirstdate.
Lina:*sigh*Howquicklythethrillfades.Whatnext?Gamenight?
Myexhaustedcockflexedbehindmyzipper.Twelvehoursago,mymainconcernhadbeenwhetherIcouldperformatall.NowIhadtoworryaboutoveruse.
Me:IcanthinkofafewgamesI’dliketoplaywithyou.
Lina:Sinceyou’retakingmetodinnerinsteadoffuckingmesenseless,Icanonlyassumeyoumeancharadesorcheckers.
Me:Bereadyat7.Wearsomethingthatmakesithardformetostopthinkingaboutwhatyou’vegotonunderneath.
Withthatbusinesstakencareof,Imovedontothenextitemonmylist.
“Iknewit!”
Busted.Sloanestoodinthedoorwayofthelibrarybreakroom,armscrossedandatriumphantgrinonherprettyface.Shewaswearingadifferentpairofglassestoday.Thesehadbrightbluetortoise-shellframes.
Piperretreatedbehindmyback,unsureofwhattodowiththegloatingwomanblockingtheexit.
“Knewwhat?”Iasked,givingthesage-greenpaintastir.Thedentinthewallwasgoingtoneedmorethanacoatofpaint,butuntilIpatchedthedrywall,paintwouldatleastmakeitlessnoticeable.
“You,ChiefMorgan,scuffedmywallwithtablesex!”
Ishotheranirritatedlook.“Jesus,Sloane.Keepyourvoicedown.Thisisalibrary.”
Sheclosedthedoorandthenregainedhervictoriousstance.“Iknewtherewassomethingupwithyoutwolastnight.Mysexradarneverfails!”
“Linadidn’t…mentionanything?”Iaskedcasually.
Sloanetookpityonme.“Didn’thaveto.Sheleftherewalkingfunnyandlookingalldazedandfeverish.Evenwithoutmyglasses,Icouldtell.”
Iturnedmyattentionbacktothegougeinthewallsoshewouldn’tseemymanlyprideondisplay.“Maybeshehadastomachbug.”
“YouthinkIdon’tknowthedifferencebetweenawomanleveledbyanorgasmandonetryingtokeepherdinnerdown?IknowwhatIsaw.Thenyoutoreoutofherenotthirtysecondslaterlookingallsweatyandhungry—andnotinthefoodway,mindyou.Youlookedlikeyouwereabouttodevoursomething…orsomeone.”
“MaybeIhadthestomachbugtoo.”
“Isaythiswithlove.Bullshit.”
“Ihadofficialpolicebusiness.”
Sloanetappedafingertoherchin.“Hmm.Sincewhenisgettingnakedconsideredofficialpolicebusiness?”
Ijabbedthebrushintothepaint,thenslappeditagainstthewall.MaybeifIignoredher,she’dgoaway.
“Yourattleher,”Sloanesaidbehindme.
Istoppedpaintingandturnedtolookather.“What?”
“Lina.Yourattleher.Ittakesalottodothat.”
“Yeah,well,thefeeling’smutual.”
Hersmilewasbrightandsmug.“Icanseethat.”
Hopingtheconversationwasover,Iturnedmyattentionbacktothewall.
“It’sgoodtohaveyouback,Nash,”Sloanesaidsoftly.
Onasigh,Idroppedthebrush.“Nowwhat’sthatsupposedtomean?”
“Youknowwhatitmeans.I’mgladtoseeyoureturningtothelandoftheliving.Iwasworried.Ithinkweallwere.”
“Yeah,well,Iguessittakessomeofuslongertobounceback.Sowhat’swithyouandLucian?”Iasked,changingthesubjectandstabbingthebrushintothedeepestpartofthegouge.
“Don’tyoumeanNolan?Who,bytheway,iscurrentlysittinginmyofficeeatingallmycandy.”
“No,ImeanLucian.YouandNolanmightbehavin’afewlaughs,buthe’snotLucian.”
Shewastooquiet.Ilookedupandsawshe’dcarefullyrearrangedherfaceintoamask.
“Idon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout,”shesaid.
“You’renotsupposedtolietoacop,”Iremindedher.
“Isthisanofficialinterrogation?ShouldIgetalawyer?”
“Youknowmysecret,”Isaid,noddingtowardthewall.
Thetensionwentoutofhershouldersandsherolledhereyes.“Ithappenedalongtimeago.Waterunderthebridge,”sheinsisted.
PipertiptoedaroundmetosnifftentativelyatSloane’ssneakers.Thelibrariancroucheddownandofferedherhandtothedog.
Iwentbacktothewall.“YouknowwhatIrememberfrombackintheday?”
“What?”
“IrememberyouandLucysharingtheselong,meaningfullooksinthehallbetweenclasses.IrememberhimrippingthehelmetoffJonahBluthandputtinghimonhisassduringfootballpracticebecauseJonahsaidsomethingaboutyourbodythatIasanadultmanwithgreatrespectforwomenwon’trepeat.”
“Itwasaboutmyboobs,wasn’tit?”Sloanequipped.“Thepriceyoupayfordevelopingearly.”
Igaveheralong,steadylookuntilsheflinched.
“DidLucianreallydothat?”sheaskedfinally.
Inoddedonce.“Hedid.IalsorememberdrivinghomeaftercurfewfromsomeparticularlyheavymakingoutwithMillieWashingtonandseeingsomeonewholookedahellofalotlikeLucianclimbingthetreeoutsideyourbedroomwindow.”
Sloanehadbeenasophomoreandnext-doorneighborLucianasenior.They’dbeenasmuchoppositesthenastheywerenow.Thebroodybadboyandthepretty,peppynerd.AndasfarasIknew,neitherhadeverofficiallyacknowledgedtheotherbeyond“hey”inthehallowedhallsofKnockemoutHighSchool.
Butoutsidethosehallswasanotherstory.Oneneitherofthemhadevershared.
SloanefocusedoncoaxingPiperclosertoherhand.“Youneversaidanything.”
“NeitherofyouseemedtowanttotalkaboutitsoIleftitalone.Figureditwasyourbusiness,”Isaidpointedly.
Sheclearedherthroat.Thenoisesentthedogscamperingbacktothesafetyofmyreach.“Yeah,well,likeIsaid,thatwasalongtimeago,”shesaid,standingbackup.
“Doesn’tfeelgoodtohavepeopleshovingtheirnosesinyourbusiness,doesit?”
Shegavemeachillylibrarianglareandcrossedherarms.“IfIstickmynosesomeplace,it’sbecausesomeoneisn’tdoingwhattheyneedtobe.”
“Yeah?Well,fromwhereIsit,thisanimositybetweenyouandLuceisn’thealthy.SomaybeIshouldstartinsertingmyselfintothatsituation.Helpyoutwocometoaresolution.”
Sheblewoutabreaththroughhernostrilslikeabullfacingoffagainstaredflag.Thestudinhernosetwinkled.Thestandofflastedallofthirtyseconds.“Ugh,fine.I’llstayoutofyourbusinessandyoustayoutofmine,”shesaid.
“Howaboutthis?”Icountered.“Irespectyourprivacyandyourespectmine.”
“Soundslikesemanticstome.”
“Mightsoundthatway,SloaneyBaloney.Butwe’refriends.Havebeenforyears.FarasIcantell,ourlivesaregonnastaytangledup.Somaybeinsteadofbuttinginandbeingnosy,wefocusmoreonbein’thereforeachotherwhenneeded.”
“Idon’tneedanyonetobethere,”shesaidstubbornly.
“Allright.ButImightneedafriendifIcan’tconvinceLinatotakeachanceonwhatwe’vegot.”Sheopenedhermouth,butIheldupahand.“Iprobablywon’twanttotalkmuchaboutitifIlose,butIsureashellamgonnaneedafriendtohelpkeepmefromdisappearingagain.”
Sloane’sfacesoftened.“I’llbethere.”
“AndI’llbethereforyouifandwhenyouneedme.”
“Thanksforfixin’mywall,Nash.”
“Thanksforbein’you,Sloaney.”
Iwasjustclosingupthepaintcanwhendispatchcalledformeovermyradio.“Yououtandabout,Chief?”
“Iam.”
“BaconStableshasahorseonthelooseagain.Hadacoupleofreportsofabig,blackstalliongallopingitsasssouthboundonRoute317.”
“Onmyway,”Isaidonasigh.
“Ican’tbelieveyouwonhimoverwithadamncarrot,”IsaidasTashiBannerjeehandedthereinsofthebig-assHeathclifftoDorisBacon,whowasholdinganicepacktoherass.
Wewerestandinginwaist-deepweedsintheeastpastureoftheforeclosedRedDogFarm,afifty-acrehorsepropertythathadsatemptyforgoingontwoyearssinceitsowner’smulti-levelmarketingskincarebusinesswentbelly-up
Heathcliffthestallionhaddecidedhedidn’tfeellikeridingaroundtheringtodayandhadbuckedDorisoffonherassbeforeheadingsouth.
Theseventeen-hundred-poundsonofabitchhadkickedthepassengerdoorofmySUVandtriedtotakeabiteoutofmyshoulderbeforeTashihaddistractedhimwithacarrotandsnaggedhisreins.
“Youhandlethesnakes,Chief,andI’lltakethehorses.”
“IseemtorecallyouridingoneofHeathcliff’srelativesthroughadrive-thruyoursenioryear,”Iteased.
Shegrinned.“Andlookhowthatpaidoff.”
IkeptmydistanceasTashiandDoriscoaxedthehumongoushorseupthetrailerramp.
SomethingtickledbetweenmyshoulderbladesandIturnedaround.Twodeerjolted,thendisappearedintothewoods.Therewasnothingelseoutthere.Justweedsandtreesandbrokenfences,butIstillcouldn’tshakethefeelingthatsomethingorsomeonewaswatchingus.
Dorisslammedthegateshutonthetrailer.Thesoundofhoofmeetingmetalrangout.“Quitactingup,youbigninny.”
“Maybeit’stimetosellHeathclifftoafarmwithhigherfences,”Isuggested.
Sheshookherheadasshelimpedaroundtothedriver’ssidedoor.“I’llkeepthatinmind.Thanksforyourhelp,Chief,OfficerBannerjee.”
Wewavedheroffasshemaneuveredthetruckandtrailerontotheproperty’sdrivewayandheadedfortheroad.
Thestallionletoutanearsplittingwhinny.
“Ithinkhejustputacurseonyou,”Tashiteasedasweheadedformydentedvehicle.
“Liketoseehimtry.”
MyphonebuzzedinmypocketandIpulleditout.
Lina:Youwon’tbelievewhatthetowngrapevineisreportingnow.Accordingtoanot-so-reliablesourceyouspentyourafternoonherdingahorsearoundtownwithyourSUV.
Me:Itwasn’tjustanyhorse.ItwasHeathclifftheHorrible.
Iattachedapictureofthehorseinquestionandanotheroneofmydenteddoor.
Lina:Youbetternotsmelllikehorsewhenyoupickmeupfordinner.
Me:I’llseeifIcansqueezeinashowerbetweennowandthen.Haveyoupickedoutwhatdressyou’regonnatorturemewith?THIRTY-EIGHT
FIRSTDATE
Nash
“Thisissocliché,”Linasaidwhensheopenedherdoor.
“Afirstdateisnotacliché.”IwasgladIgotthewordsoutbecausethesecondIclockedwhatshewaswearing,mypowerofspeechvanished.
Herredlipspursedinaflirtypout.“Itiswhenyou’vealreadyhadsex.”
Ineededaminutetocatchthebreathshe’dknockedoutofme.
Shewaswearingashortblackdress.Thesleeveswerelong,buttheskirtshowedoffsomuchlegIwantedtobackherupandbendheroverthefirstflatsurfaceIcouldfindjusttoseewhatcolorunderwearshewaswearing.Herfuck-mestilettoshadacrocodilepatternthatproudlysaid“man-eater.”She’dgoneheavieronthemakeup,addingsomekindofsmokybronzetoherlidsthatmadehereyeslookevenbiggerandmoresinful.
Shewasbeautiful.Confident.AndvaguelyannoyedthatIwastakinghertodinnerinsteadofbed.
Iwastheluckiestsonofabitchintheworld.
“Youshaved,”shesaidwhenIremainedsilent.
Iranmyhandovermyjawandgrinned.“Thoughtitwouldmakeforasmootherride.”
Hereyessparkledwickedlyandapinktingewarmedhercheeks.“Idon’tminditrough,”sheremindedme.
“I’vegotthescratchestoproveit,Angel,”Iteased.
“Whydon’tweskipthiswholedatethingandgostraighttotestingoutthatbaby-smoothfaceofyours?”shesuggested.
Mydickreactedlikeapuppetwithitsmasteratthestrings.
“Nicetry,baby.Butyou’regettingthefullfirstdateexperience.”
“Ugh,fine,butI’dliketopointoutthatsocietysaysI’mnotsupposedtosleepwithyouonthefirstdate,”sheremindedme.
“Sincewhendoyoufollowtherules?”Iteased.
“Onlywhenitsuitsme.”
WhichwasexactlywhyIcouldn’taffordtoplayfair.
IproducedthesmallgiftboxI’dbeenhidingbehindmyback.“Gotyousomething.”
Sheeyedtheboxlikeshemightabomb.
“Goonnow.Don’tbescared.”
“Scared?”shescoffedandsnatchedtheboxoutofmyhand.
Herfacewentsoftforasecondwhenshepriedopenthelid.Thenhercarefulmaskslidbackintoplace.Shewaslettingmein,butonlyininches,andIwasn’tabouttoloseanyground.
“I’mnotsupposedtosleepwithyouonafirstdateandyou’redefinitelynotsupposedtogivemejewelry.”
I’dswungbyXandra’sagaintotalktoherabouttheinitiativeIwasrollingoutandtodropoffatoydeputybadgeforAlex.
Iglanceddownattheearringsnestledinsidethebox.Delicategoldchainsendedinsharp,sparklysunbursts.“Isawthem,andIthoughtofyou.Madebythewomanwhosavedmylife,wornbythewomanwhoremindedmeit’sworthliving.”
ThemaskslippedawayagainandIsawnothingbutpurefemaleenjoyment.“Well,howamIsupposedtosaynotothat?”
“They’rejustearrings,Angel.Notaweddingring.Besides,aportionofthesalesgotowardalocalautismfoundation.”
Shetookabreathandhandedtheboxbacktome.“WhydoIgetthefeelingyou’replayingme?”sheaskedassheremovedthehoopfromherrightear,thenliberatedanearringfromthebox.
Sheexpertlyfoundtheholeandsecuredtheearringinplace,thendidthesamewithherleftear.
“Howdotheylook?”sheasked,givingherheadashake.
“Fuckingbeautiful.”
IchoseaswankyItalianplaceinLawlerville.NotbecausetheyhadthebesthomemadebreadinthetricountyareaorbecauseIwashopingtokeepthewhole“us”thingsecret.Ijustwantedaquietdinnerwithoutanydistractions.IfI’dtakenLinaoutinKnockemout,we’dbedealingwithawholetownofgossips,andifI’dcookedforheratmyplace,wewouldn’thavemadeitpastappetizersbeforeI’dgottenhernaked.
Unfortunately,thismeantIhadtobribeNolanwithhisowndinneratthebarsincethemarshalwasn’twillingtotakethenightoff.
ButatleasthewasfarenoughawayfromourtablethatIcouldpretendhewasn’tthere.We’dbeengivenacircularboothtuckedawayinaquietcornerofthediningroom,whichmeantinsteadofsittingacrossfromeachother,wewerenexttoeachotheronthebench.Beneaththepristinetablecloth,mythighwaspressedintimatelyagainsthers.Herfootwashookedcompanionablybehindmyankle.
“Areyouimmunetothefactthateverymaninthisrestaurantwatchedyouwalkinandsitdown?”Iaskedherasshedraggedapieceofbreadthroughtheplateofoliveoil.
Sheglancedup,asparkleinthosebeautifuleyes.“Ifyou’rewonderingifInoticeattention,Ido.Ifyou’reaskingifIlikeit,itdependsonthesituation.TonightIdidn’thateit.”
Ilikedthatshedidn’tpretend.Iwasstartingtounderstandherbrandofhonesty.Shedidn’tlieortellthetruth.Sheeitheropenedherselfuptoyouorclosedherselfofffromyou.AndIwasstartingtogetthedifference.
“You’resogoddamnbeautiful,sometimesIcan’tlookdirectlyatyou,”Iconfessed.
Thesliceofbreadtumbledtoherplateandlandedoliveoilsidedown.“Damnit,Nash.Stopsneakinguponme.”
Ismirkedandreachedformyownslice,surprisedwhenIdidn’tfeelthefamiliartwingeinmyshoulder.Ihadn’treallynoticeditatallthenightbeforeeither.ItlookedlikeLina’smiraclesweren’tlimitedtomentalhealth
“IthoughtofsomethingelsethatIneedfromyou,”sheannounced.
“Nameit.”
“Idon’twanttositonthesidelineswhileyouandtheboyshaveallthefun.Iwanttobeontheteam.IwanttohelpfindHugo.”
“Angel,you’llgetyourcar,”Iinsisted.
Hereyesnarrowedasshepickedupherglassandsipped.“IknowI’llgetthecar.WhatIwanttomakesureofisthatyougetyourman.Thatyoudon’thavetolivewiththefearthatatanypoint,DuncanHugocouldwakeuponemorninganddecidetoday’sthedayhe’sgoingtoeliminatewitnesses.”
Isaidnothing.MostlybecauseIwasafraidtospookher.Maybeshedidn’trealizewhatshewassaying.ButIdid.Shewantedmesafe.Andshewanteditenoughtoplayonateamtomakeithappen.
Whethersherealizeditornot,shecaredaboutmeandIwasn’taboveexploitingthehelloutofthattogetwhatIwanted.
“Ialreadypromisedtokeepyouintheloop,”Iremindedher.
“AndnowIwantyoutopromisememore.I’veplannedovertwodozenassetretrievaloperations,”shecontinued.“I’vebeenonhandtoactuallyexecutehalfofthoseoperations.I’maproatworkingintandemwithlawenforcementagencies.AndIneverquit.”
“Youpackedasuitcase,”Ipointedout.
Shepinnedmewithalook.
“What?”Iasked.
“I’mdebating.”
“Debatingwhat?”
“Whethertotellyouthetruth.”
“Don’twastetheenergydeciding,Angel.Alwaystellmethetruth.”
“Fine,”shesaidwithadelicateshrug.“Ipackedasuitcasebecauseithurttoomuchtobethatclosetoyouwhenyouhatedme.Iwasgoingtomovebacktothemotel,waituntilworkcouldsendareplacement,andthenIwasgoingtoleavetown.”
Itwaslikeaknifetothegut,knowinghowcloseI’dcometolosingherforgood.Ifitweren’tforNaomiandSloanestoppingher,lastnightwouldn’thavehappened.Andthisconversationwouldn’tbepossible.Iowedthemflowersormaybeaspagiftcertificate.
“I’msorry,Angel,”Isaid.“IwasfallingfastandIgrabbedontoanyexcuseIcouldtobreakthatfall.I’msorryformakingyoufeellikeyoucouldn’ttrustme.Iwon’tmakethesamemistaketwice.”
Herfringeoflasheswasthickanddarkagainstherskin,andwhenthoseheavylidsraisedandshelookedatme,shestolethebreathrightoutofme.
“Whenyousayfalling,”shesaidsoftly.
“Headoverheels,Angel.I’mreallyregrettingtakingyououttodinnerinsteadoftakingyoutobedagain.”
Herlaughwashusky,andwhensheleanedin,herbreastwassoftandtemptingagainstmyarm.“Missionaccomplished.Nowtellmeyou’lluseme,Nash.”
Myfingerstightenedonthestemofthewineglass.Iknewwhatshemeant,butthedoubleentendrewasimpossibleformydicktoignore.Itwastimetotakebackcontrol.
“Firstthingsfirst.IwannahearthosewordscomingoutofyourmouthagainonceI’minsideyou.AndIwantyoutomeanthem.”
Herlipspartedasherbreathquickened.“Deal.”
“Second,ifyouwantin,IneedyoutotakeeveryprecautionIdeemnecessarytokeepyousafe.That’snonnegotiable,”Isaid.
“Deal,”shesaidagain.
Igaveherawolfishlook.“Youknow,lasttimewemadeadeal,Iwasinsideyou.”
“Andinsteadofbeingnakedinbed,we’reouttodinneronourfirstdate.Guessyou’lljusthavetosettleforthehighfive,”shesaidsmugly.
Itwasafirstdatetoendallfirstdates.Iknewitinmygut.TherewassomethingaboutLinaSolavitathatdrewmein,thatcaptivatedme.Iwantedallhersecrets,allhertrust.AndIwantedhertowillinglyhandthemovertome.Forever.
Thiswasn’tjustanattraction.Thiswassomethingmore.
Wetalked,welaughed,weflirted,wesampledbitesofeachother’sentrees.Thelongerthemealworeon,thecloserweinched.
Bythetimethewaiterwasdescribingthedesserts,myrighthandwasonherthighjustbelowtheshorthemofherdress.Myfingersdrewtinycirclesonherwarmskin.
Linalookedasifshewererivetedbyhisdescriptionofthebourbonbreadpudding,butbeneaththetable,mybadgirlopenedherkneeswiderforme.
Invitingme,testingme,teasingme.
Iwantedtolookdown.KnewifIdid,I’dfinallyseethecolorofherunderwearandexperienceawholenewleveloftorture.However,itwastimeIdeliveredalittletortureofmyown.
Shedidn’tthinkI’ddoit.ButtherewerealotofthingsAngelinaSolavitacouldtemptmeinto.
Asthewaiterrhapsodizedaboutthehazelnutcheesecake,Itrailedmyfingertipsallthewaytothepromisedland.Linajumpedandtriedtocloseherknees,butitwastoolate.I’dfoundwhatIwaslookingfor.ThatdampspotonthesilkI’dyettosee.ButIcouldfeelit.
Herthighstrembledaroundmyhand.
“Whatsoundsgoodtoyou,Angel,”Iaskedher.
Thelooksheshotmewasabeautifulcombinationofshockandnakeddesire.“Wh-what?”
“Dessert,”Isaid,pressingtwofingerstothatdelectablewetspot.“Tellmewhatyouwant.”
Sheblinkedtwice,thenshookherhead.Thesmilesheshotthewaiterwasnotherusualman-eater.“Uh,I’dlikeapieceofthehazelnutcheesecake.Togo.”
“Andforyou,sir?”heaskedme.
Iusedmyindexandmiddlefingerstosqueezethelipsofhersextogetherthroughherthong.
“Justthecheck.”
Withanod,hedisappearedandLinafistedherhandsonthetablecloth.
“Openyourlegs.”Mycommandwasaharshwhisper.
Shedidn’thesitatebeforespreadingherthighs.
“Wider,”Icommanded.“Iwanttosee.”
Sheobeyed,slidingherasstotheedgeofthecushion,givingmethepermissionandfreedomtoplay.Mycockwasrock-hardandbeggingtobeletout.
Red.Herthongwasbad-girlred.Islidmyfingersunderthebandthatcoveredhersex.
“Nash,”shewhispered,hervoicetrembling.
Ilovedthewayshesaidmynamewhensheneededme.
“Thinkyoucanplayyourbad-girlgamesinafancyrestaurantandIwon’tcallyouout?”
“Well…yeah,”sheadmittedonashakylaugh.Underthetable,shebuckedherhipsforward,beggingformorepressure.
Iwantedtobendheroverthistableandshoveherdressuptoherwaist.
Icircledherslicklittlebudwiththepadsofmyfingers.“IfItaketheedgeoffforyourighthere,rightnow,promiseme—”
“Anything,”shewhimpered,writhingagainstmyhand.
God,Ilovedthesoundofhersurrender.Itmademydickache.
Ileanedevenclosersoherbreastwasplasteredagainstmyarm,mylipsbrushingherear.“Promisemeyou’llstilltakemeasdeepasIcangetwhenwegethome.”
“Yes,”shehissedinstantly.Thenshesmiledwickedly.“Ifyoucanmakemecomebeforemydessertgetshere,I’llbesuretoreturnthefavor.”
Challengeaccepted.
“Spreadaswideasyoucan,Angel.”
Shehookedherkneeovermythightoaccomplishit,butonceshewassplayedopen,Idrovetwofingersintoherslick,wetchannel.
Herlowmoanmademycocktwitchpainfully.SoIaddedathirdfinger.
“OhJesus,”shegroaned.
“Don’trideit,”Iwarned,brushingwhatlookedlikeaninnocentkisstohershoulder.“Staystilloreveryoneinthisrestaurantwillknowwhat’shappeningunderthistable.”
Shebitherlipandstoppedmoving.
“That’smygirl,”Iwhisperedandthenbrushedmythumboverherclit.
“OhGod,”shewhimpered.
ThetelltalequiversthatteasedmyfingerstoldmeeverythingIneededtoknow.“You’rereadytocomealready.Aren’tyou,Angelina?”
“It’syourfault,”shehissed.“Youinthatdamngoodguysuit.Withyourdamnfirstdateandyourdamn‘Isawtheseandthoughtofyou’earrings.”
Shewasrockingsubtlyagainstthethrustsofmyhand,herthighsstrainingtostayopen.Myfingerswerecoatedinherwet.Iaddedjustalittlemorepressurewithmythumbanditwaslikepullingatrigger.
SheclosedhereyesandIhadtheprivilegeoffeelingeverythinginsideherlockingdownhardbeforereleasing.Linawentofflikeafireworkonmyfingers,makingmefeellikeagoddamnhero.Ikeptpumpingintoher,keptswipingmythumboverthatsensitizedbud.Herlegsshookandsheleanedheavilyintomeasshecameandcameandcame.
Ijammedmyotherpalmagainstmyerection,prayingIwasn’tasclosetoblowingasitfeltlikeIwas.
“Ohfuck,”Linasaid,stillpanting,stillgrippingmyfingersinsideher
“Yourcheesecakeandyourcheck,”thewaitersaid.
“AmIreadingthiswrong,orareyoupissedoff?”LinaaskedmeasIslidbehindthewheelofhercar.
I’dhadtohalfdrag,halfcarryhertotheparkinglotbecauseherlegswerestillshakingfrommyfingerfucking.Thankfully,Nolanhadbeenintherestroomandmissedourescape.
“I’mnotmad,”Isnapped.Istillhadherwetnessonmyhand,afactthatwasn’thelpingmyfuckingsituation.
“Iwasonlyteasingyou.Ididn’tmeanforittogosofar.Butdamn,hotshot.Youcontinuetosurpriseme.”
“Baby,theonlythingthat’smadrightnowismydickathowfuckingfarwearefromhome.”
Icouldfeelthepulseofithammeringinmyhead.HowthehellwasIsupposedtolastthethirty-minutedrivehome?
“Ohhhhhh.”ShedrewoutthewordasIshiftedintogearandstompedontheaccelerator.ThecarfishtailedasIpulledoutoftheparkinglotandhittheroad.
“Shouldn’twewaitforNolan?”sheasked.
Myanswerwasagrowl.IfIdidn’tgetsomereliefsoon,IwasworriedI’dlosemyfuckingmind.She’dspreadsowideforme.Comesohard.Inarestaurantfullofpeople.NowIhadazippertattooedonmyshaft.
“IthinkIcanhelpwiththat,”shesaid,releasingherseatbelt.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Idemandedharshly.“Putyourseatbeltbackon.”
“ButifIdothat,Ican’tdothis.”
Shereachedacrosstheconsole,andwhenherfingersclosedaroundmybelt,IknewIwasinserioustrouble.
Isuckedinabreathasmycockturnedtomotherfuckinggranite.
“Angelina,”Iwarned.
Thosenimblefingershadmybeltandflyopeninseconds.“You’renotgoingtoabideallthelawstonight,areyou?”sheteased
“Takeoffyourbra,”IsnappedasIeasedupontheaccelerator.
“I’mnotwearingone.”Sherelayedthisinformationjustasshewrappedherhandaroundmythrobbingerection.
“Goddammit!”
“Justkeepyoureyesontheroad,hotshot.”
Thatwasgoingtobeimpossible.EspeciallyafterIhookedmyrighthandinthenecklineofherdressandyankeditdownsoIcouldseethoseperfectbreasts.
Withawickedsmile,sheloweredherheadintomylap.Thesecondthosehotlipsspreadovermycrown,Iwasagoner.Thathottongue,thatslickmouth,thewayshegrippedmeinhertightfist.AngelinaSolavitawasgoingtodeliverareligiousexperience.
Igroaned,longandraggedassheusedhermouthandhandonme.Confinedbymypants,theseatbelt,thesteeringwheel,Icouldn’tdoanythingbutletherworkme.Thelonely,moonlithighwaystretchedoutbeforeus,butIbarelysawit.
Myattentionwasstolenbythehotmouthonmycock.
Ishovedahandunderherjusttograbahandfulofbarebreast.Hermoanvibrateddownmyshaft.Thebackofmyheadwasdrillingitselfintotheseat.Mykneespressedoutwardagainstthedoorononesideandtheconsoleontheother.
She’dhittheperfectrhythmandIknewIwasabouttolosemymindandmyload.Thereleasewaschurningdangerouslyinmyballs,causingthemtotighten.
“Fuck.”
Iwantedtothrust.Iwantedtomove.ButIcouldn’t.
Withoutwarning,Lina’smouthpoppedoffmyerection.Shepeekedupatmewithanarchedeyebrowandred,wetlips.“Seriously,hotshot?Thirty-fiveinafifty-five?”
Igrabbedhernonetoogentlybythehairandpushedherbackdowninmylap.“Shutupandsuck,baby.”
Thesecondhermouthhitmydick,Ijerkedthewheeltotherightandpulledoverontotheshoulderoftheroad.Ittooksomemaneuveringtodownshiftaroundher,butImanagedtobringustoacompletestop.Dumpingthecarintoneutral,Ipulledtheparkingbrake.ThedustwasstillrisingarounduswhenIhittheleveronmyseattorecline.
BothofmyhandscametoherheadandIsetthepace.Shescrambledfartherovertheconsole,hertitsbouncinginthelightofthedash,hermouthneverleavingmyshaft.
Itwasbuilding.
Iwantedtowarnher,butIcouldn’tgetthewordsout.Icouldn’tevendrawinthebreathrequiredtoformthem.Inaway,thiswashowthepanicfelt.Butthiswasaworldaway.ThiswassomethingI’dgiveupeverythingfor.LinawassomeoneI’dgiveupeverythingfor.
Onthatterrifyingthought,Iejaculatedhard.Itracedupmyshaftlikefireandburstfreeintoherwaitingmouth.Imusthaveshouted.Imusthavehitthegaspedalbecausetheenginerevvedintotheredline.Iwasfistingherhairinatoo-tightgrip,butIcouldn’tseemtostop.NotaslongasIwascoming.
Itwasendless.Hermouthsuckedmeoff,capturingeveryspurtofmyreleaseasifshecouldn’tlivewithoutit.
“Baby,”Ipanted,collapsingbackagainstmyseat.
HermouthstayedfastenedtothesensitivetipuntilItuggedherup.Herhairwasamess.Hereyeswerebigandglassy.Herfulltitsswayedhypnoticallywitheachbreathshesuckedin.Hermouth,thatfuckingmouth,wasswollenandrosyandwet.
I’dneverseenanythingsobeautifulinmyentirelife.
Hookingherunderthearms,Idraggedheracrosstheconsoleintomylapandtuckedherheadintomychest.Shecurledintome,bothofusbreathinglikewe’djustsprintedamile.
“Jesus,baby.Youshouldhavetoregisterthatmouthofyoursasaweapon,”Isaid.
Sheletoutalow,sultrylaugh.“Consideritpaybackformakingmecomeinthemiddleofarestaurant.”
Istrokedahandoverherhair.“Don’tknowaboutyou,butI’dsaythiswasaprettysuccessfulfirstdate.”
“Iwouldn’tsaynotoasecondone.”
Ipalmedherbreastandsqueezed.“We’llorderin,”Idecided.
ItwasrightaboutthenthatInoticedtheflashinglightsintherearviewmirror.
“Fuck.”THIRTY-NINE
THEGANG’SALLHERE
Lina
“You’reabadinfluence,”Nashcomplained,fumblingwithhiskeys.
“AtleastitwasonlyNolan,”IremindedhimasIwaitedforhimtounlockhisapartmentdoor.
Nash’sU.S.marshalbabysitterhadbeennonetoopleasedtoreturnfromtherestaurantbathroomtofindusgone.He’donlyfoundthesituationslightlyfunnierwhenhewalkeduptothedriver’ssidewindow.Ithadn’ttakenabrainsurgeontoknowwhatwe’dbeenupto.
Nashopenedthedoorandgesturedformetoenterfirst.Pipermetmeatthedoor,proudlycarryingasmall,stuffedpolicedoginhermouth.
“Thatone’snew,”Inoted,leaningdowntoruffleherwiryfur.
“SawitonAmazon,”Nashsaid,shuttingthedoorandhanginghiskeysonthehook.
“Areyouevernothard?”Iasked,notingtheobvioussituationinhispants.
Hisgrinwasdownrightevilwhenhereachedforme.“Youhaveachoice.”
“Explain.”
“EitherIgodownonyouhereagainstthedoororinthebedroom.”Hishandswerealreadyreachingforthehemofmydress.
“Wait.Wait.Wait.”
Tohiscredit,hestoppedimmediately.“What’swrong?”
“AsmuchasIreally,reallywanttotakeyournew,smoothfaceforatestdrive…”Ishookmyhead.“Ican’tbelieveI’msayingthis.ButIthinkweneedtotalk.”
Nash’slipsquirked.“Justwhatthehelldidtheyputinthatwine?”
Ishovedmyhandsintomyhair.“Obviously,I’vebeenabductedbyaliensandreplacedwithanot-very-convincingclone.Butwe’vebeentoobusyorgasmingtotalk.”
“Aboutwhat?”
“AbouttheplantotakedownHugo.IwasseriouswhenIsaidIwantedin.AndasmuchasIwantinyourpantsagainandagain,thisisimportant.Importantenoughnottoletyoudistractmewithyourmagicpenis.”
Hiseyeswentfromablazingintensitytoamused.“You’reoneofakind,Angel.”
“Uh-uh,StudlyDo-Right.Nodistractingmewithcompliments.RallythetroopswhileItakePiperout.”
“Now?”
IgrabbedPiper’sleashfromthehook.“Yes.Now,”Isaidfirmly.
IreturnedfrommywalkaroundtheblockwithPiperandanaggingguiltyconscience.“Nash?Beforeeveryonegetshere,there’ssomethingIneedtotellyou.”
NashwashangingDuncanHugo’sphotoonthewhiteboardhe’dsetupnexttothetable.“What’swrong?”
IwasprettysureI’ddonetherightthing,butIhadafeelinghemightnotseeitthatway.“Okay.Soinschoolafterthewholeheart-stoppingthing,Ididn’treallyfitin.Andbesideswork,Ineverreallybelongedsocially.”
Hewaswatchingmeintentlynow.
“IguesswhatI’mtryingtosayisI’mnewatthis.I’mnewtowhateverisgoingonbetweenus.I’mnewtohavingfriendslikeNaomiandSloane.”
Nash’seyesclosedslowlyandthenreopened.Herubbedthespotbetweenhiseyebrows.“Whatdidyoudo,Angelina?”
“Justhearmeout,”Ibegan.ButIwasinterruptedbyaloudknock.PiperwentscramblingforNash.
“It’snineo’clockonaschoolnight,”KnoxcomplainedasIlethimin.
“I’lltakeWordsbytheDomesticatedKnoxMorganfortwohundred,Alex,”Iquipped.IwasjustshuttingthedoorwhenLucianappearedinit.“Howthehelldidyougetheresofast?”Iaskedhim.
“Iworkedremotelyfromheretoday.”
“Youworkedremotelyinasuit?”
“Niceearrings,”hesaid.
Inarrowedmyeyesinsuspicion.“Whyareyoubeingnicetome?”
“Becauseofthat.”HenoddedovermyshoulderatNash,whowasofferinghisbrotherabeerandsmilingwhiledoingit.“Don’tfuckitup.”
HecrossedtohisfriendsandIclosedthedoorfeelingguilty.“So,guys.Beforewestart,Ishouldprobablytellyouall—”
Iwasinterruptedbyanotherknock.
LucianstoppedtryingtocoaxPiperoutfrombehindNash’slegsandfrowned.“IsthatGraham?”
“Weknowyou’reinthere.”Sloane’svoicecarriedfromtheothersideofthedoor.
Nashheadedformeandthedoor.
“That’swhatIwantedtotellyou,”Isaid,grabbinghisarm.
Helookedthroughthepeepholeandthenshotmea“youdidn’t”look.
“Idid,”Iconfessed.
“Didwhat?”Knoxasked,crossinghisarms.
“This,”Nashsaid,openingthedoortoNaomi,Sloane,andMrs.Tweedy.
“Okay.Toclarify,Ididn’ttextMrs.Tweedy,”Isaid.
Knoxlookedconcerned.Lucianlookedreadytocommitmurder.AndNash,well,Nashlookedatmeandrolledhiseyes
“Daisy,baby,whatthefuckareyoudoin’here?”Knoxdemanded,closingthedistancebetweenthem.
Shecrossedherarmsoverherprettyvioletsweater.“Linatextedus.”
Sloane,dressedinplaidpajamajoggersandamatchingtop,putherhandsonherhips.“Youpenisesaren’tshuttingusoutofwhateverthehellthisis.”
“I’mjusthere’causeitlookedlikeapartyfrommypeephole.Ibroughtbooze,”Mrs.Tweedyannounced,holdingupabottleofbourbon.
Iwincedasthreegrumpy,malegazeslandedonme.
“Angelina,”Nashbegan.
Iheldupmyhands.“Hearmeout.ThisinvolvesallofusinonewayoranotherexceptforMrs.Tweedy.AndNaomiandSloanedeservetoknowwhat’sgoingon.Themoreheadswecanputtogetheronthis,themoreeyesandearswehavearoundtown,thebetterpreparedwe’llbe.”
Themencontinuedtoglareatme.
“NooneknowsthistownandwhatgoesoninitbetterthanSloane.AndNaomiearnedherwayherebybeingatarget.Sheshouldn’tbekeptinthedark.Themoresheknows,thesafershecanbeandthebettershecanprotectWaylay,”Iinsisted.
“You’renotleavingmeoutofwhateverthisis.Ifithasanythingtodowithmysisterorhershittyex,Ideservetoknowwhat’sgoingon,”NaomiinsistedtoKnox.
“Youdon’tneedtoworryaboutthis,Daze,”heassuredher,grippinghergentlybythebiceps.“I’vegotthis.I’vegotyouandWay.Youneedtotrustmetotakecareofthis.”
Naomi’sfacesoftenedmomentarilybeforegoinggrumpyagain.“Andyouneedtotrustme.I’mnotachild.Ideservefulldisclosureandopenlinesofcommunication.”
SloanehookedherthumbinNaomi’sdirection.“Yeah.Whatshesaid.”
“Thishasnothingtodowithyou.Whenareyougoingtolearntomindyourownbusiness?”Luciansaid,addressingSloaneinatonesoicyIalmostshivered.
Well,atleastthebigguywaspissedatsomeonebesidesmeforonce.
Sloane,however,appearedtobeimmunetotheRollinsfreeze.“Shutit,Satan.IfitinvolvesmytownandpeopleIcareabout,itinvolvesme.Iwouldn’texpectyoutounderstandthat.”
ThestareoffbeganandIwonderedwhoseneckwouldgettiredfirst,giventheirheightdifference.
Nashstrodeoverandtookmebythewrist.“Excuseusforasecond,”heannouncedanddraggedmeintothebedroom.Heshutthedoor,pushedmeagainstit,andthenboxedmeinwithhispalmsoneithersideofmyhead.“Explain.”
“Youseemmad.Maybeweshouldtalklater?”
“We’lltalknow,Angel.”
“Theyhadarighttoknow.”
“Explainwhyyoutalkedtothembeforeyoutalkedtome.”
“Honestly?”
“Let’strythatforachange,”hesaiddryly.
“I’mnotreallysurewhatthehierarchyofloyaltyisinthissituation.NaomiandSloanearemyfirstrealfriendsinalongtimeandI’moutofpractice.ButIknowhowmuchithurtyouwhenIkeptyouinthedark.Igotatasteofthatwhenyouwereoffplottingwithoutme.And—”
Hepinnedmyhipstothedoorwithhiswithathump.
“Aretheyfuckinginthere?”IheardKnoxaskfromtheotherroom.
“Andwhat?”Nashaskedme.
“Andtheyshouldknow.AndIgetthatyou’remadandI’msorryfornotraisingthiswithyoufirst.”
“Iappreciatethatandyou’renotwrong,”hesaid,brushingmyhairbackfrommyforeheadinagesturesogentlemykneeswentweak.
“I’mnot?”
Asmiletuggedonthecornerofhismouth.“No.Butnexttime,let’shavetheconversationfirst.”
Hewassodamnhandsomeandsodamn…good.NowonderI’dfalleninL-wordwiththeman.
Imanagedanod.“Yep.Gotit.”
Hecuppedmyfaceinhishand.“YouandIareinthistogether.Whenourdecisionsaffecteachother,wemakethemtogether.Understand?”
Inoddedmyheadvigorously.
“Good,”hesaid,pullingmeawayfromthedoor.Hegavemyassastingingslap.“Considerthatalowfive.”
“Ouch!”
“Sheeitherslappedhimorhespankedher,”Sloanesaidintheotherroom
“Now,let’sgetbackoutthereandfigurethisshitout.Together,”Nashsaidfirmly.
“Okay.”
Hepaused.“Isthereanythingelseyouneedtotellmebeforewegobackoutthere?”
Iopenedmymouthjustasanotherknocksoundedonthefrontdoor.“Iswearthisoneisn’tme,”Iinsisted.
Hegrinnedandopenedthebedroomdoor.
NolanstrolledinsideandKnoxclosedthedoorbehindhim.Themarshalstoppedandeyedthegathering,thewhiteboard,andMrs.Tweedymixingupapitcherofold-fashioneds.“I’mgonnahatethis,aren’tI?”
“NotasmuchasIalreadydo,”Knoxtoldhim.
“Hi,Nolan,”Sloanesaidwithaprettysmile.
“Hey,cupcake.”
Lucianremainedsilent,butthe“I’mabouttoexplode”vibeswereatangiblepresenceintheroom.
“I’llgetmorebeers,”Isaid,deliberatelysteppingbetweenLucianandNolan,whoseemedunawarethathislifehunginthebalance.
“Youknowthebasics.Thisisyourlastchancetobailbeforeshitgetsreal,”NashsaidtoNolanasIheadedforthekitchen.“Inorout.”
“In,”hesaidwithouthesitation.
“Nolan,thiscouldgetyouinserioustrouble,”Iwarned,pullingasix-packoutofthefridge.“Yourbosseswon’tlikeyourinvolvementinthis.”
Nolanspreadhisarms.“Idon’tknowifyou’venoticed,butmyjobsucks.Itcostmemymarriage.ItruinedanyhopeIhavefortheworldingeneral.Andsleepinginone-starroachmotelshasdestroyedmyback.Ialreadyhavemyresignationdrafted.I’mjustwaitingtogetdrunkenoughorfedupenoughtosenditupthechain.Besides,I’mtiredofbabysitting.”
NashandIexchangedalookandhenodded.IhandedNolanabeer.“Welcometotheteam.”
“Idon’tknowwhatthehellyoukidsaretalkin’about,butI’montheteamtoo,”Mrs.Tweedyannounced.
IshruggedatNashandherolledhiseyes.Webothknewtherewasnoeasywayofgivinghertheboot.
“Fine,”Nashsaidtoher.“Butyoucan’trepeatanythingyouheartonight.Nottoyourgymbuddies.Nottoyourpokerpals.Noone.”
“Sheesh.Igotitalready.Let’stalkturkey.”
“Let’sgetthisoverwith,”KnoxmutteredandpulledachairoutforNaomi.
WesataroundthetablewithbourbonandbeersandlistenedasNashwalkedusallthroughtheeventsofthepastfewdays,thenlaidoutthebasicplanthey’dcomeupwith.
“Ihateit,”Sloaneannouncedwhenhewasfinished.
Naomiwaswide-eyedandgrippingKnox’shand.“Youcan’tbeserious,Nash.Youcan’tjustdangleyourselfoutthereasbait.Healmostkilledyouonce.”
“Andthistime,I’llbereadyforhim,”Nashsaidgently.
“Weallwill,”Ipromised.
NaomiturnedbeseechingeyestoKnox.“ButifNashisatarget,alooseend,soisWay.”
“Soareyou,”Luciansaid.
Knoxdraggedherintohisside.“Lookatme,Daze.Nooneisgettingneareitherofyou.Ipromiseyouthat.They’dhavetogetthroughmefirst,andnooneisfuckinggettingthroughme.”
“HeshotNash,”shesaid,hereyeswellingwithtears.
“He’snotgettin’asecondchancethereeither,”Knoxpromised.Hisgazewenttohisbrotherandtheysharedalonglook.
NaomiclosedhereyesandleanedintoKnox’schest.“Ican’tbelieveallthisishappeningbecauseofmysister.IfeellikeIbroughtthisonallofyou.”
“Youcan’ttakeresponsibilityforanotheradult’sbaddecisions,”Nashtoldher.Hisgazeshiftedtome.“Allyoucandoistrytomakegoodonesforyourself.”
“Iwantonethingstraight,”Knoxsaid.“NoneofthisgoesdownbeforetheweddingSaturday.NothingfucksupDaisy’sday.”
“It’syourdaytoo,Knox,”Naomisaid,leaningintohim.
“Damnrightitis.Andnothingandnobodyisgoingtoruinit.Agreed?”Helookedaroundthetable,makingsureeachofusnoddedouragreement.
“We’llputeverythinginmotionMonday,”Nashsaid.
“Okay.Thenweshouldtalkaboutpreparation,”Isuggested.
Nashnodded.“We’reallpartoftheteam.We’veallgotajobtodo,otherwisewhyarewehere?”
“BecauseLinaopenedherbigmouthanddraggedthemintoit,”Knoxsaid.
“Linasavedyouaweekofsleepingonthecouch,whichisexactlywhatyou’ddeserveifyou’dgottenawaywithkeepingmeinthedarkonthisone.Soyoushouldbethankingher,”Naomipointedout.
Knoxlookedatmeandusedhismiddlefingertorubatthecornerofhiseye.“Thanks,Leens,”hesaid.
“You’resowelcome,”Isaidsweetly,liftingmyglasswithmiddlefingerextended.
“Let’sgetbacktoassignments,”Nolansuggested.
“Goon,”Nashpromptedme.
Iblinked.“Idon’treally…I’mnotcomfortable…”
“Butyouknowwhatneedstobedone,”heinsisted.
“Right,”Isaid.“Okaythen.Nash,you’regoingtogetaccesstothecasefiletheLawlervillePDstartedbeforethefedsmuscledtheirwayin.Maybethere’ssomethingintherethatwilltelluswhereHugowent.”
HenoddedhisagreementandIblewoutabreath.“Keepgoing,”heprompted.
IturnedtoNolan.“Nolan,youuseyourcharmandconnectionstoseewhatinformationyoucangetonthecasethefedsarebuildingagainstAnthonyHugo.Who’sfeedingtheminformation,andhowaretheygettingit?”
“Onit,”hesaid,strokinghismustache.
“Sloane?”
“Layitonme,”shesaid,holdingapenpoisedoverthenotebookshe’ddugoutofherpurse.
“WeneedpeopleintownonthelookoutforDuncanHugoandhishenchmen.Theearlierthewarningwehave,themoretimewehavetoprepare.GrimalreadyagreedtocontinuekeepingtabsontheHugos’men.Ifanyofthemheadinourdirection,we’llknow.Butweneedpeopleherewhocankeeptheireyesandearsopenandtheirmouthsshut.”
“Ooooh!Pickme!Pickme!”Mrs.Tweedysaid,cominghalfwayoutofherseat,handraisedlikeaneagerstudent.
“Okay.Mrs.Tweedyisourfirstofficialspy,”Sloaneagreed.
“Thatmeansyoucan’tbeblabbingaboutthistoanyone,”Knoxremindedhiselderlytenant.
“Iknowwhentoblabandwhentokeepmytrapshut,”sheshotback.
“Choosepeopleyouknowyoucantrustnottoruntheirmouthsaboutthis.Thelastthingweneedisawholetownlookingforafight,”NashcautionedSloane.
“Maybewecanspinafewtalltalestoacouplebig-mouthedgossipssotheycanbeonthelookoutwithoutknowingexactlywhy,”Mrs.Tweedysuggested.
“Howwouldthatwork?”Iasked.
“TakeFaceTattooGuy.IcancasuallymentiontoNeeceyatDino’sthatIheardaguywithfacetattoosislookingtobuyupacresoffarmlandtobuildabunchofhipstercondominiumsandvapeshops.”
“That’snotaterribleidea,”LucianandSloanesaidatthesametime.Theysharedalong,simmeringglare.
“Knox,”Icontinued.
HestillhadNaomigluedtohissidewithonetattooedarmaroundhershoulders.“Let’shaveit,boss.”
“Localsecurity.BeefupthesystematyourplaceandhereatNash’s.Lucian,canyoufindawaytotrackNash,Naomi,andWaylayincasetheygetseparatedfromtheirphones?”
Nash’seyesswungbacktome.“Nowholdonaminute.I’vealreadygotafederalshadow—”
“Don’tbotherarguing,”Naomisaidtohim.“Ifit’saprecautionWaylayandIhavetotake,youhavetotakeittoo.”
“Ihaveaccesstosomeinterestingtechnologythatmighthelp,”Lucianvolunteered.
“Great.Knox,workwithLucianonthat,”Isaid.
“Whatdoyouwantmetodo?”Naomiaskedme.“Anddon’teventhinkaboutleavingmeoutofthis.”
IlookedatNashforhelp.
“Self-defense,”hesaid.“YouandWaylayaregonnasignupwithFi’sjujitsuinstructorforprivatelessons.”Knoxopenedhismouthtoargue,butNashshookhishead.“Hugo’snotgoingtogetneareitherofyou.Butwe’retakingzerochances.”
“Ilookforwardtobuildingonmyknee-balls-noserepertoire,”Naomisaid
Sloaneyawnedandlookedatherwatch.“Okay.Wehaveourassignments.Let’snailthisasshole.”
Therewasamurmurofagreementaroundthetable.
Mrs.Tweedynoisilyslurpeduptheremainderofherbourbon.
“Comeon,Daze.Let’sgetyoutobed,”Knoxsaid.
Thewayhesaiditandthewayshelookedathimmademethinksleepwasthelastthingeitherofthemhadinmind
Sloanestuffedhernotebookbackintoherbag.“I’llstartaWhatsAppgroupsowecankeepeveryoneupdated.”
“Goodthinking,”Nashsaid.
“Graham,”NashsaidtoNolan,jerkinghisheadtowardthekitchen.
“Aword,”Luciansaid,appearingatmyelbow.
“What’sup?”
“What’smyrealassignment?”
Mysmilewasslowandsmug.“Ididn’twanttomaketheaskinfrontofaU.S.marshal,evenifheisbattingforourteam.”
“Igatheredasmuch.”
“Canyoudedicateyourcreepyshadownetworkofintelgatheringtofindingamanwithnonameandnopicture?”IexplainedDuncan’sfaceless,burnerphonefriend.“He’stheonlyoneIcouldn’ttrackdown,andthatmakesmethinkhe’stheoneweneedtofind.”
“Sendeverythingyouhaveovertome,andI’llgetmyteamstartedimmediately.”
“Good.Oh,andhowdoyoufeelaboutkeepinganeyeonSloane?Therestofusareeithertrainedtodealwiththisorlivewithsomeonewhois.Sloane’sbyherself,andsinceyoustaynextdoortoherwhenyou’reintown,you’rethemostconvenientcandidate.”
IcyfiredancedinLucian’seyes.“Noonewillgetnearher,”hepromised.
“She’llprobablygiveyoushitabouttheattention,”Iwarned.
Somethingthatalmostlookedlikeasmileplayedoverhishandsomeface.Butthenitwasgone.“Iwon’tberunoffaseasilythistime.”
Personally,Iwasdyingtoknowwhatothertimehewasthinkingaboutandhowafive-foot-two-inchwomanhadrunoffLucian“Lucifer”Rollins.Butitdidn’tseemlikethetimeforquestions
WesaidgoodbyeaseveryoneexceptforNolanfiledoutthedoor,abuzzofpurposeandanticipationbetweenthem.
Sloanepausedintheopendoorway.“StillupforbeingmydatetotheweddingSaturday?”shecalledtoNolan,whowasloungingagainstthekitchenisland.
“Wouldn’tmissitfortheworld,cupcake.”
“Pickmeupat—”
Lucianslammedthedoor,cuttingSloaneoffmidsentence.
“Thosetwoaregoingtoimplodeoneday.Right,Pipe?”Iaskedthedogthatwastap-dancingplayfullyatmyfeet
“Angel,Ineedyourkey,”Nashcalled.
“Door’sunlocked,”Itoldhim,meetinghimandNolaninthekitchen.
“Good.Gogetyourstuffandbringbackyourkey,”hesaid.
“Mystuff?”
“Graham’stakingoveryourplaceuntilthisisover.It’llhelptohavehimcloserthanthemotel.”
“Notgonnalie.I’mlookin’forwardtoarealbedandnothavingtostomponhalfadozenroachesbeforemyshower,”Nolansaidcheerfully.
“Uh,yougetthecouch,myfriend,”Itoldhim.
“No.Hegetsyourplace,”Nashcountered.“You’restayingwithme.”
“Youexpectmetomoveinwithyou?”Myvoicewentupanoctave.Iinstantlybegantosweat.
“Onthatnote,I’llgogetmyshit.Bebackhereinhoweverlongittakestoscaretheratsoutofmysuitcase,”Nolanannouncedandranforthedoor
“Fightmeonthis,”Nashdaredme.
“Ican’tjustmoveinwithyou,Nash.That’sinsane.Webarelymadeitthroughthedaywithoutfighting,andyouwanttoshareabathroomwithme?DonotsmileatmelikeI’mthecrazyone!”Icouldhearthehystericaltingetomywordsbuttherewasnodialingitback.
Hewasstillsmiling,butnowhewasheadingtowardme.
Iheldupmyhandsandbegantobackaway.“It’sonethingtoaccidentallyfallasleepaftersex,buttobringmyclotheshereand…Doyouevenhaveclosetspace?Ican’tjustleavemythingsinasuitcase.Theyneedtobreathe.”
Ineededtobreathe.
Nashcaughtme,hishandssettlingonmyhipsandtuggingmecloser.IhatedthefactthatIinstantlyfeltcalmer
“Takeabreath,”heinsisted.
Isuckedinatiny,uselessinhalation.
“You’readorablewhenyoufreakout.”
“I’mnotfreakingout.I’m…processingyourludicroussuggestion.”
“Ifitmakesyoufeelbetter,thisisjusttemporary,”hesaid,hisvoiceannoyinglycalm.
Temporary.Temporary.Temporary.Justlikeourrelationship.Onedayatatimeuntil…after.
Nashbroughtmyhandstothebackofhisneckandthenbegantosway.
“Whydoyoukeepslowdancingwithme?”
“BecauseIlikebeingclosetoyouevenwhenwehaveallourclotheson.”
“Thiscan’tbethebestsolution,”Iinsisted.“Whydon’tweallmoveintothemotel?”
“Hewasn’tjokingabouttherats,”Nashpointedout.
“Okay,fine.We’llallmoveinwithNaomiandKnox.They’vegotroom.”
“Youdon’tthinkthat’llgettheentiretowntalking?Thewholepointofthisistomakethingslookasnormalaspossiblefromtheoutside.”
“Whatisnormalaboutthis?”Idemanded.“Besides,won’tpeoplestarttalkingaboutNolanstayingatmyplace?Imean,they’llthinkI’msleepingwithyouboth.Orthatwe’reinsomeweirdthrouple.”
“Orthey’llthinkmyfederallyissuedprotectionisstayingwithmetoprotectme.Orthey’llthinkyouandIareseriousandNolanwantedtogetoutoftheroachmotel.”
Damnit.He’dthoughtofeverything.Thesneaky,connivingsonofabitch.
Iwasimpressed.
Andterrified.
“I’mnotgoingtobecomeSuzyHomemakerandsuddenlylearntocook,”Iwarned.
“Noted.”
“Andyoubetternotuseyourbathroomfloorforahamper.IsawMountSt.DirtyClothesthedaywebroughtPiperhome.”
“DoIneedtogetthebroccolioutofthefreezer?”heasked,rubbinghischeekagainstthetopofmyhead.
“No.Maybe.”FORTY
SMILEPRETTYFORTHECAMERA
Lina
“Ican’tbelieveyou’remakingmedothis,”Nashsaidasamakeupartistdabbedpowderacrosshisbrow.Outofpatience,hedodgedherhand.“Canwebedone?Please?”
Iwasperchedonthecounterinhisoffice,enjoyingthehelloutofhisdiscomfortundertheheatofthephotographer’slights.
Forthepastfewdays,I’dbeentheonesufferingdiscomfort,beingforcedtomoveinwithhim…temporarily,Iremindedmyself.Butthatmeantinthemeantime,me,myclothing,mymakeup,evenmydamnhouseplantwerenowlivinginNash’sapartment.
Forthelastforty-eighthours,I’dsleptinNash’sbed,brushedmyteethathissink,andgottendressedinhisbathroom.ThenI’dsatathistableandeatenthebreakfastsanddinnershemademe.
Idrewthelineatpoopingwhilehewashome.Tobesafe,I’dtemporarilycutbackonfiber.
Tobehonest,minusmyfearofsharingabathroom,thelivingsituationhadn’tbeenasweirdasI’dexpected.ButthatwasprobablybecausemostofourqualitytimewasspentnakedandtherestofitwasworkingoutdetailsoftheNash’s-fake-memory-recovery-to-lure-Duncan-Hugo-out-of-hidingplan.
Themakeupartistpackeduphergearandhustledoutoftheroom.IslidoffthecounterandapproachedNash.Hewasinuniformandscowling,acombinationIfoundutterlyappealing.
“NeedIremindyou?Thiswasyouridea,”Isaid,runningmypalmsacrosshisbroadchest.He’dbeenputtingweightbackon,steadilyaddingmuscletohisframe.AndI’dnoticedhimusinghisbadshoulderwithfewergrimaces.MyhearthadgivenuponitsnervousPVCsforthemostpart,andIwonderedifearth-shatteringsexwassomekindofmiraclecure-all.
“Myideawastospreadthewordthatmymemorywasback.Notshoutitfromanationalonlinemagazinewithagoddamnphotoshoot,”hecomplained.
“Poorbaby.ButwehavetomakesurethenewsspreadsfarandwideincaseDuncanisinhidingacrossthecountry.”
“HowdidStefevenpullthisoff?”Nashdemanded,tuggingirritablyonhiscollar.
“He’sgotaPRfirmonretainer.Naomicalledhim,hecalledthem,andhereweare.”
“RemindmetodropaweightplateonhisfootatthegymnexttimeIseehim.”
Igrinned.
“What?”
“Ikindoflikeitwhenyou’resurly.It’scute,”Iconfessed.
“I’mnotsurlyandit’snotfuckingcute.”
“Okay.You’rebroodyandit’ssexy.”
Hisjawtickedasheponderedthatone.“Icanlivewiththat.”
“Areyouworried?”Iasked,cuddlinguptohim.
Nashslidhisfingersintothebackpocketsofmypants.“He’sunpredictable.Icouldbeputtingmyselfoutthereasbaitandhecouldstillignoremeandgoaftersomeoneelse.”
“Knoxisn’tgoingtoletNaomiorWaylayoutofhissightfortheforeseeablefuture.You’retheonewho’sgoingtobedrawingDuncan’sattention.You’rethebiggestthreat.Hewon’tbeabletoresisttryingtofinishthejob.”Ishookmyheadandclosedmyeyes
“What?”Nashasked.
“Ican’tbelieveI’mcomfortingmylive-inloverwiththefactthatthemanwhotriedtomurderhimoncewillmakeasecondattempt,”Isaid.“Nothingaboutthissituationisnormal.”
“Live-inlover?”herepeated.
“Boytoy?Manfriend?Emotionalsupportfuck?”
“Boyfriend,”Nashdecided.HegrinnedwhenIwinced.“Forabadass,yousurespookeasy.”
“I’mnotspooked,”Ilied.
“YouthinkIcan’ttellwhenmygirlfriendispanicking?”
“Nowyou’rejustbeingaNashhole,”Icomplained,steppingoutofhisgrasp.“Let’stablethelabelingofwhateverthisisuntilafter.”
Heleanedagainsthisdesk,stillgrinning.“IlikeknowingIcanrattleyou.”
“Yeah?Well,Ilikeitbetterwhenyou’refreakingoutovercosmeticsandaphotoshootforanationalmagazine.”
Hewinced.“Nowwho’sbeingmean,Meana?”
“Here,haveamint,”Isaid,handinghimoneofthewrappedcandiesI’dsnaggedfromtherestaurant’shoststandonourfirstdate.
“Idon’twantamint.Iwant…”Hetrailedoffasthewrappercrinkledinhishand.Hefrowneddownatit,lostinthought.
“What?”Iasked.
Heshookhimself.“Nothing.JustfeltlikeIwasrememberingsomething.”
“Abouttheshooting?”Iprodded.
“Maybe.It’sgonenow.”
“Ifyou’reagoodboy,I’lltakeyouforicecream,”Ioffered,changingthesubject.
Hisfingershookedintothewaistbandofmypantsandtuggedmecloser.
“Yourpeppersprayisdiggingintomystomach,”Iwarnedhim.
“Howaboutinsteadofaphotoshootandicecream,Isityouonmydeskandspreadthoselong,sexylegsofyourswide?I’llgodownonmykneesandkissmywayupyourthighs.”
Adeliciousshiverworkeditswayupmyspineasheslidonehandlowertocupmyrearend.Hishandwaswarm,thegrippossessive.
“You’dbebeggingmeforituntilI’dtakemytongueand—”
“Okay!Sorryforthedelay.I’mlockedandloaded.”Thephotographerdidn’tseemtonoticethatmykneeshadquitfunctioningorthatNashwasglaringathimwiththeheatofathousandsuns.
“Raincheck?”Iwhispered.
“WhatthehellamIsupposedtodowithahard-on?”hegrowledinmyear.
Iglanceddownandgrinned.“Hideitbehindyourpepperspray.Andyourflashlight.AndyourTaser.Butwhateveryoudo,don’tthinkaboutmescreamingyournamewhenyougodownonme.”
“Fuck.”
Nashsufferedthroughtwelvewholeminutesofphotos—mostofthemwithabarelydisguisederection—beforepullingtheplugontheshootlikeagrumpymanbear.ItwassixminuteslongerthanIthoughthe’dlast.
IshiftedPiperinmyarmsandpulledoutmyphone.
Me:Youoweme$20.Nashjustgavethephotographertheboot.
Stef:Damnit!Ithoughthe’dmakeittofifteen.
Me:Sucker.Venmome.Also,thankyouforarrangingthiswhileyou’rebusydoingwhateveritisyoudoinNewYork.Ioweyou.
Stef:YoucanrepayyourdebtbyfeedingmeintelonJeremiah.
Me:Aren’tyouincontactwithhim?
Stef:OfcourseIam.Ijustwanttoknowifhe’sliftingweightslikeasad,sexypandawhileI’mgone.
“Hey.Youwannagetoutofhere?”Nashsaid,pokinghisheadinthedoorofhisoffice.Hisfacewasscrubbedcleanofthemakeupartist’spowder.Helookedexactlylikeanall-Americanhero.Piperthoughtsotooifhertailwaggingwasanyindication.
“Wherearewegoing?”Iasked,slippingmyphoneintomybagandputtingthedogonthefloor.
“Toseeagirlaboutanass,”hesaidcryptically.
“Afteryou,”Isaid,gesturingforhimtowalkaheadofme.Iadmiredhisposteriorinthosesexyashelluniformpantsasheledthewayintothebullpen.
“Didtheytakeanypicturesofyourfaceorwasitallass?”Nolanasked,shruggingintohisjacketandfollowingusoutthedoor.
“Biteme,”Nashsaid.
Itwasabeautifulfalldayforadrive.Nashcuedupacountryplaylistandoffthethreeofus—plusPiper—wentinhisdepartment-issuedSUV.IfocusedmyattentionontheupdatesintheWhatsAppgroup.NaomiandSloaneweretakingtheirassignmentsseriously.
SloanehadrecruitedatierednetworkofspiesonthelookoutforHugoandhishenchmen.
NaomiandWaylayhadtheirfirstjujitsulessonscheduledforthisevening.KnoxandLucianhadorderedsevenmillionpoundsofsecurityequipmentthattheywouldbeinstallingthisweek.
“Funfieldtrip,Chief,”Nolansaidfromthebackseat.
Iglancedupandsawthewomen’scorrectionalfacilityloominginfrontofus.
“FigureditwasabouttimeIhadasit-downwithher,”Nashsaid,eyeingtheprisonthroughthewindshield.“AnythingIneedtoknowbeforewegoin?”
“Shewon’ttalkifNolan’sintheroom,andshehasacrushonyou.”
“Tina?Onme?”NashlookedlikeI’djustwhippedoutabadmintonracketandslappedhiminthefacewithit.
“It’sthebutt,isn’tit?”Nolanasked.
“Mineorhers?”
“Comeon,Chief,”Iteased.“YouknowthateveryfemaleinKnockemoutlovestowatchyouleavearoom.”
Nash’searswereturninganadorableshadeofpink.
“Canwepleasenottalkaboutmyass?”
“Wecanstop,butIdon’tthinkyou’regonnashutthewholetownup,StudlyDo-Right,”Nolanwarned.
Mutteringunderhisbreath,NashgotoutoftheSUVandtossedhiskeystoNolan.“StayhereandkeepPiperentertained.We’llbeback.”
“Trynottogetshanked,”Nolancalledout.
IstiffenedwhenNashslunghisarmaroundmyshouldersasweheadedacrossthelot.
“What’swrong?”heasked.
“We’reworking,”Ipointedout.
“And?”
“Andit’snotprofessionalofustobehangingoneachother,makingout.”
“Ithinkwe’regonnahavetorevisityourdefinitionofmakingout.”
“YouknowwhatImean,”Isaid,hatinghowbitchyIsounded.
Nashpulledmetoastopjustshyoftheentrance.“You’vebeenbustingmyballsallday,andwhenyouaren’tbustingmyballs,you’returningmeon.Andwhenyou’renotdoingeitherofthosethings,you’relockedawayinthatheadofyoursthinkin’deepthoughts.Now,I’mgonnagooutonalimbhereandguessthatyou’restillinatailspinoverthewholeextendedsleepoverthing.”
“I’mnotinatailspin.”
“Didyouknowyouoveremphasizewordswhenyou’refreakingout?”
“Idonot.”Okay.Hehadmethere.I’dneverspentenoughtimearoundamanforhimtodetectmytellsbefore.Thiswasannoying
AndnowIwasdoingitinmyhead.Great.
“Listentome,baby.Youfreakoutallyouwant.I’llstillbeherewhenyou’redone.It’sanextendedsleepover.That’sit.You’renotlockedinadungeon.You’renotbeingheldagainstyourwill.You’rejustkeepingyourclothesinadifferentcloset.We’lldealwiththerealdecisionsafter.Okay?”
Iwasnoddingwithoveremphasisnow.Babysteps.“Okay.Yeah.Okay.”
“Goodgirl.NowhelpmecrackTinalikeawalnut.”
Ishookmyheadtoclearit.“Fine.Letmethink.Shelikesthatyouwerealwaysnicetoher.Shesaidyounevertreatedherbadlyevenwhenyouarrestedher.”
“Thenwhy’dsheletherboyfriendputafewroundsinme?”
“Shesaysshedidn’tknowuntilafterthefact.AndI’mwonderingifHugomayhavedecidedtostartwithyoubecauseTinahadhearteyesforyourass.”
Nashlookedoverhisshoulder.“Isitreallythatnice?”
“Yes.Yes,itis.”
TinastrolledintotheroomwithherusualattitudebutcametoahaltwhenshespiedNashnexttome.Hastily,shebrushedherhairoutofherfaceandthenapproachedthetablewithshoulders-back-boobs-outposture.
Nashdidnotglanceatthebustlinebeneaththekhakiprisongarb,buthedidsmile.“Hey,Tina.”
“Chief.”Tina’slacelessshoemetthelegofherchairandshestumbled,catchingherselfagainstthetable.
“Youallright?”Nashasked.
“Fineasfuck.Imean,yes.I’mfine.”Thetoughgirltryingtobestrongenoughtoresistfallingforthecuteguy.Ididn’tcarefortheobviousparallels.
“Nashhasafewquestionsforyou,”Isaid.
Tina’seyescametomeasshesat.Shelookedstartledasifshehadn’trealizedIwasintheroom.“Oh,uh,hi,Lona.”
“It’sLina,”Isaid,shootingNashanI-told-you-solook.
Heclearedhisthroat.“Tina—”
“Look,Ididn’tknownothingabouthimshootingyou,”Tinasaid.“Least,notbeforehand.AndIlaidintohimafter.Hesaidhedidittomakehisdadstarttakin’himseriously.Whypeoplegiveashitabouttheirparents’opinionsI’llneverknow.Wasteoftimeifyouaskme.”
ThiscomingfromawomanwithtwodelightfulparentswhowantednothingmorethanforTinatofindhappiness…andstopactinglikeacriminal.
“Iappreciatethat,”Nashsaid.
Shebobbedherhead.“LikeIsaid,Ihadnothin’todowiththat.”
“Whyisthat?”Iasked.
Sheshrugged.“Dunno.”
NashleanedinandTinamirroredhim.“Doyouhaveanyideawherehewouldgoifheneededtohideoutbutstillwantedtostayclose?”
“ToldherInevermettheguy,butwheneverheneededanewplace,healwayscalledBurnerPhoneGuy,”Tinasaid,noddingatmewithouttakinghereyesoffNash.“He’dhookusupwithaplacetocrashorfindDuncaplacetostashthecarshewasstealing.”
“HowwouldhepayBurnerPhoneGuy?”Nashasked.
“Cash.He’dputitinoneofthosemediamailboxesfromthepostofficeandsendit.”
“You’vebeenrealhelpful,Tina,”Nashsaid,makingafewnotesonhispadbeforeputtingthependown.
“Ifyouhaveanyquestionsaboutthatnightinthewarehouse,askWaylay.Kid’sgotoneofthosememorieslikeatrap.Don’tevermentiongoingforicecreamunlessyou’reseriousabouttakin’her’causeit’sallyou’llhearforthenexttwoyearsofyourlifeifyouchangeyourmind.”
Andjustlikethat,IwasbacktonotlikingTina.
NashandIgottoourfeet.
“Weappreciateyourtime,”Nashsaid.
Tinalookedpanickedforasecondandthenaslylookcrossedherface.SheslappedNash’spenoffthetablelikeacat.“Oops.Idroppedyourpen.”
Nashwentpaleandlookedatmeforassistance.
“You’recloser,”Isaid.
Ibarelymanagedtochokebackalaughwhenhecroucheddown,keepinghisrearendfarawayfromTina.
“Youhaveyourselfagoodday,”hesaid,pocketingthepen.
“Seeyou,Tina,”Isaid,thenfollowedNashashekepthisasstothewallandskirtedtowardthedoor.
WefoundNolanandPipersittinginthesunshineonastripofgrassplayingtug-of-warwithPiper’sstuffedpolicedog.
“I’llshowyoumineifyoushowmeyours,”Nolanoffered.
NashreacheddowntorufflePiper’sfur.“Hugo’sunidentifiedhenchmanmightbelessofahenchmanandmoreofapropertymanagerorrealestateagent.Hegotpaidindirtycashthroughthemail.”
“Mailfraud.Nice.”
“I’llhavemyresearchernarrowdownthesearchofknownassociatesbythosewithaconnectiontorealestate,”Isaid.
“Yourturn,”NashsaidtoNolan.
“IgotholdofanoldfriendintheBureau.Andno,I’mnotsharinghisname.Buthehadsomeinsiderknowledgehewaswillingtoshare.Saystheanonymousinteliscominginthroughthemail,addressedtoSpecialAgentIdler.It’shandwrittennotesonAnthonyHugo’soperations.Nothinghugeyet,butsofarit’sallcheckedout.Thenot-so-anonymoussenderhashintedthathe’sgotmorewherethatcamefrominexchangeforanimmunitydeal.”
“ThatlinesupwithGrim’sintel.SoundslikeDuncanHugowantstoworkwiththefedsifitmeansgettinghisfatheroutofthewayandtakingoverthefamilybusiness,”Nashsaid.
“ShouldIbeworriedaboutournationalsecurityiftherearethismanyleaksattheFBI?”Iwondered.
“Nah.It’sprobablyfine,”Nolansaidwithawink.
IopenedtheWhatsAppchattofilleveryoneinonourprogress.
“Ohgood.KnoxandLucianinstalledmorecamerasonthebuildingexteriorandaddedsometotheinterior.They’llbeaddingwindowanddoorsensorstomorrowandLucianleftatrackerthatlookslikeacondomforyouatthestation,”Iread.
“Idon’tknowaboutyouguys,butallthisforwardmomentumismakin’mehungry,”Nashannounced.
“Iwouldn’tsaynotoanopen-facedhotturkeysandwich,”Nolansaid.
“Hey,Nolan.TinadroppedapenjusttowatchNashpickitup,”Itattledaswegotinthecar.FORTY-ONE
WORDSOFWISDOM
Lina
Ninety-sixhours.NashandIhadofficiallysurvivedfourwholedaysoflivingtogetherandtheintenselocalscrutinyofourbuddingrelationship.Ihadn’tevenchokedonmylatteyesterdaymorningwhenJusticeaskedmehowmy“boyfriend”wasdoing.
Theweddingwasfourdaysaway—mybridesmaiddresswasprettydamnstunning—andNash’sarticlewasslatedtobepublishedthefollowingMonday.
Ifallwenttoplan,newsofNash’srecoveredmemorywoulddrawDuncanHugooutofhiding,he’dfallintothetrap,andthenitwouldallbeover.
Ijustwasn’tsurehowmuchofthe“all”Iwantedtobeover.
Theambiguous“after”wassuddenlyloominglarge,whichmeantdecisionswouldhavetobemade.IfwefoundthecarwhenwefoundDuncan,thejobwouldbedoneandI’dbeheadingbacktoAtlantatowaitformynextassignment.
Or…
IslowedmylegstoajogbeforecomingtoastopinHonkyTonk’sparkinglot.
Bendingatthewaist,Itriedtocatchmybreathintheearlymorningchill.Steamrosefrommysweatyface.
Everythingwasmovingsofast.Therewasamomentum,asenseofurgencyweallfeltasthedaystickeddown.Itmademefeelnervousandjusttheslightestbitoutofcontrol.
“Neverunderstoodwhypeoplerunforfun,”avoicesaidbehindme.
IstraightenedandfoundKnoxwithagymbagslungoverhisshoulder.
“Whatareyoudoingupsoearly?”Iasked,mybreathstillcominginpants.
“DroppedWayoffatschool.Grabbedlastnight’sdepositandfiguredI’dhitthegymafterthebank.”
“Couldn’tsleep?”Iguessed.
“Notafuckingwink.”
“WeddingorHugo?”Iasked,strippingoffmyheadbandandusingthehemofmyshirttomopmyface.
“FuckHugo.Thatasshole’sgonnaendupbehindbarsorintheground.”
“Soweddingthen.”
Heswipedahandthroughhishair.“She’sgonnabemine.Officially.Ikeepwaitin’forhertocometohersenses.”
“You’rescared,”Isaid,surprised.
“Fuckyeah,I’mscared.I’mshakinginmygoddamnboots.Ineedtolockherdownnowbeforesherealizesshecoulddobetter.”
“Shecouldn’t,”Isaid.“Nooneinthisworldcouldeverlovehermorethanyoudo.AndI’mnotsayingshe’snotlovable.I’msayingyouloveherthatmuch.”
“Ido,”hesaidhoarsely.
“Andshelovesyouthatmuch.”
Hislipsquirked.“Shedoes,doesn’tshe?”
Inodded.
HetossedhisgymbagintothebackofhistruckandIleanedagainstthefender.
“Tellmeit’sworthit,”Iblurtedout.
“What’sworthit?”
“Lettingsomeonein.Lettingthemgetcloseenoughthattheycoulddestroyyouiftheywantedto.”
“Imightsoundlikeagoddamngreetingcard,butit’swortheverything,”herasped.
Goosebumpsroseonmyrapidlycoolingskin.
“I’mnotkidding.WhatIhadbeforecomparedtowhatIhavenow?”Heshookhishead.“Itdoesn’tevencompare.”
“How?”
“Don’tknowhowtoexplainit.Ijustknowthere’snothingballsyorbraveaboutlivingyourwholelifebehindwalls.Therealgoodshitdoesn’tstartuntilthosebrickscomedownandyouinvitesomeonein.Ifyou’renotscaredshitless,you’redoin’itwrong.”
“ButwhatifIlikewalls?”Iasked,kickingatarockwiththetoeofmysneaker.
“Youdon’t.”
“PrettysureIdo.”
Heshookhishead.“Ifyoulikedyourwallssomuch,youwouldn’tbescaredshitlessrightnow.”
Irolledmyeyes.“Sohowdoesthiswork?I’mjustsupposedtodumpmydeepest,darkestsecrets,theugliestpartsofme,oneveryoneandthenhopeitdoesn’tallgotohell?”
Hegavemethatbad-boysmirk.“Don’tbeadumbass.Youdon’tleteveryonein.Onlytheoneswhomatter.Theonesyouwanttotrust.Theonesyouwanttoletyouin.Thatvulnerabilityshitisjustlikerespect.It’searned.”
IwonderedifmaybethatwaswhyI’dfailedasateammemberbefore.Ididn’ttrustanyonetohavemybackandI’dgiventhemnoreasontotrustmewiththeirs.
“IthinkbeingwithNaomihasquadrupledyourdailywordcount,”Iteased
“BeingwithNaomimademerealizehowmiserableIwasbefore.EverythingIthoughtIwantedwasjustmetryingtoprotectmyselffromreallyliving.Likepushingpeopleaway,”hesaidpointedly.
Ilookeddownatmytoesandlethiswordsrattlearoundinmybrain.DidIwanttokeeplivingthewayIalwayshad?OrwasIreadyformore?WasIreadytostoppushing?
Iblewoutabreath.“I’mreallyproudofyou,Knox.”
“Yeah,yeah,”hegrumbled.“Nowstopfuckingaskingmeaboutrelationshipshit.”
Ibumpedhisshoulderwithmine.“You’regonnabeagreathusbandanddad.Agrumpyonewithafoulvocabulary,butagreatone.”
HegruntedandIstartedforthedoortothestairs.
“Lina?”
Iturnedback.“Yeah?”
“Neverseenhimlikethiswithanyotherwoman.He’sindeepandhe’shopin’youaretoo.”
Iwantedtosmileandthrowupatthesametime.Tobeonthesafeside,Ibentatthewaistagain.
Knoxsmirked.“See?Scaredshitless.Leastyouknowyou’redoin’itright.”
Igavehimafriendlymiddlefinger.
Ihadthewholedaytorollthingsaroundinmyhead.Bymidafternoon,IwassosickofmyownthoughtsIheadedtothegrocerystoreandboughtfixingsforturkeyclubs.
Sandwichesdidn’tcountascooking,Iassuredmyself.
BackatNash’s,Iwateredmyplant,checkedinwithwork,and—afterabriefinternetsearch—managedtocookthebaconintheovenwithoutturningitintocharcoal.
Iassembledtwosandwichesliketheywereworksofartandthensattherestaringattheclock.Nashwasn’tduehomeforalmostanotherhour.I’dseriouslymistimedmyfoodprep.
Onawhim,Ipulledoutmyphoneandcalledmymom.
“Well,thisisanicesurprise,”Momsaidwhenshecameon-screen.Thepurejoyonherfaceovermereachingouttoherspontaneouslyfeltlikeabilliontinyguiltdartsembeddingthemselvesinmyskin.
IleanedmyphoneagainstthejarofdogtreatsNashkeptonthecounter.“Hey,Mom.”
“What’swrong?Youlook…Wait.Youlookhappy.”
“Ido?”
“Youhaveaglow.Oristhatafilter?”
“Nofilter.I’mactually…I’mseeingsomeone,”Isaid.
Mymotherdidn’tmoveamuscleonthescreen.
“Mom?DidIloseyou?Ithinkyou’refrozen.”
Sheleanedcloser.“I’mnotfrozen.I’mjusttryingnottostartleyouwithanysuddenmoves.”
“Sothere’sthisguy,”Isaid,decidingtogetitallout.“He’s…”
HowwasIsupposedtoexplainNashMorgan?
“Special.Ithink.Imean,hereallyisandIlikehim.Likealot.Awholelot.ButwejustmetandIhavealifeinAtlantaandajobthatrequiresalotoftravelandamIcompletelylosingmymindforthinkingthatmaybehemightbeworthchangingallthatfor?”
Iwaitedabeatandthenanother.Mymother’smouthwashangingopenonthescreen.
“Mom?”Iprompted.
Shestartedblinkingrapidly.“I’msorry,sweetie.I’mjustprocessingthefactthatyouwillinglycalledmetotalkaboutyourlovelife.”
“Ididn’tsaylove.Yousaidlove,”Isaid,feelingthepaniccrawlupmythroat.
“Sorry.Yourlikelife,”mymotheramended.
“Ireallylikehim,Mom.He’sjustso…good.Andreal.AndheknowsmeeventhoughItriedtokeephimfromgettingtoknowme.Butevenwitheverythingheknowsaboutme,hestilllikesme.”
“Thissoundsserious.”
“Itcouldbe.ButIdon’tknowifIcandoserious.WhatifhegetstoknowallofmeandthenhedecidesI’mtoomuchornotenough?WhatifIdon’ttrusthimenoughandhegetstiredofthat?WhatwouldIdoforalivingifIquitmyjobandmovedhereforhim?Hedoesn’thavenearlyenoughclosetspace.”
“Taketherisk.”
“What?”Iblinked,certainI’dmisheardmymother.
“Lina,theonlywayyou’regoingtoknowifhe’stheoneisifyoutreathimlikehe’stheone.Hecaneitherearnthetitleorloseit.That’suptohim,butyou’retheonewhohastogivehimthechancetoearnyou.”
“I’mconfused.You’vealwaysseemedso…riskaverse.”
“Honey,Iwasahotmessforyearsoverwhathappenedtoyou.”
“Uh,noshit,Mom.”
“Iblamedmyself.Iblamedyourfather.Thepediatrician.Soccer.Thestressofhighschool.SoIdedicatedmyselftotryingtoprotectyoufromeverything.AndIthinkputtingyouinthatbubbledidworselong-termdamagethanyourheartcondition.”
“Youdidn’tdamageme.”Ihadn’tgrownuparisk-averselittlechicken.Myjobinvolvedactualdanger.
“You’veviewedeveryrelationshipsinceasapotentialprison.”
Okay,thatrangalittletrue.
“Ifyoureallylikethisguy,thenyouneedtogivehimarealchance.AndifthatmeansmovingtoKnockemunder—”
“Knockemout,”Icorrected.
“What’sgoingon?Arewepausingthisgameorwhat?”Mydadbellowedinthebackground.
“Linahasaboyfriend,Hector.”
“Ohgreat.Let’stelleveryone,”Isaiddryly.
Myfathersquishedintotheframe.“Hi,kiddo.What’sthisaboutaboyfriend?”
“Hey,Dad,”Isaidlamely.
“Whereareyou?That’snotyourkitchen,”Dadsaid,leaningintolookatthescreen,essentiallyblockingeveryoneelsefromthecamera.
“Oh,I’m…uh…”
Iheardthekeyinthelock.
“Youknowwhat,Ishouldgo,”Isaidquickly.
Butitwastoolate.ThefrontdoorswungopenbehindmeandNash,lookingallkindsoffineinhisuniform,andPiperinaneworangesweaterwalkedin.
Ispunaroundtolookathim.
“Hey,Angel,”hesaidwarmly.“Holyshit.Didyoucook?”
“Uh.”Ispunbackaroundandstaredatthetwoslack-jawedadultsonmyscreen.“Ohboy.”
“Ithinkthatwentwell,”Nashsaidthroughamouthfulofturkeyclub.
Iputmyheaddownonthecounterandgroaned.“Didyouhavetobesocharming?”
“Angel,it’sinmyDNA.It’slikeaskingOprahtostoplovingbooks.”
“Didyouhavetogivethemyourphonenumber?Theycallmeeveryday!”
“Icouldn’tcomeupwithapolitewayaroundthatone,”Nashconfessed.“Whatharmcoulditdo?”
Isatupandcoveredmyfacewithmyhands.“Youdon’tunderstand.They’regoingtogetonaplaneandshowuphere.”
“I’mlookin’forwardtomeetingthem.”
“Youdon’tknowwhatyou’resaying.You’redelusional.Iobviouslyundercookedthebaconandporkamoebasareeatingyourbrainaswespeak.”
“Ifthey’reimportanttoyou,they’reimportanttome.Theyshowupandwe’lldealwithittogether.You,me,andtheamoebas.”
“Youhavenoideawhatyou’resigningupfor,”Iwarnedhim.
“Whydon’tweworryaboutthisafter?”heoffered,hisblueeyessparklingwithannoyingamusement.
“Becausewehavetoworryaboutitnow.”
“Thereyougoemphasizingagain.”
Myeyesnarrowed.“Don’tmakemeslapyouacrossthefacewithundercookedbacon.”
Nashhadfinishedhissandwichandpickeduphalfofmine.“Youknow,somethingstruckmeasyouweretellingyourfolksthatyouwerejustvisitingmeatmyplace.”
“Crampsfromporkamoebas?”
“Funny.No.Iwasthinkin’abouthonesty.”
“Fine.I’vebeenmeaningtotellyouI’vebeenusingyourtoothbrushtobrushPiper’steeth,”Ijoked.
“Explainsthedoghairinthetoothpaste.Nowit’smyturn.Yougottastoplyin’toyourfolks.”
Istiffenedonthestool.“That’seasiersaidthandone.AndIdon’thavetheenergytoexplaintoyouwhy.”
“Nope.That’snothappening,baby.I’mnotlettingyoupushbackonthis.Hearmywords.Youhavegottotrustyourparentsenoughtobehonestwiththem.”
Irolledmyeyes.“Oh,sure.It’llgosomethinglikethis.‘Hi,Mom.I’vebeenlyingtoyouforyears.Yeah,I’mactuallykindofabountyhunter,whichinvolvessomedangerousinvestigationswhilestayinginseedyroachmotelswithflimsydoors.I’mreallygoodatitandtherushmakesmefeelaliveaftersomanyyearsoffeelingsmothered.Also,Ididn’tgiveupeatingredmeatlikeItoldyou.What’sthat?Oh,you’resodevastatedyoujusthadaheartattack?NowDad’sulcerisactingupagainandhe’sbleedinginternally?Cool.’”
Hegrinnedatme.“Angel.”
Igavethesandwichthiefashove.“Goaway.I’mmadatyou.”
“Thisisyoupushingmeawayandthisismestickin’,”hepointedout.
“Ichangedmymind,”Idecided.“Ilikekeepingeveryoneatarm’slength.”
“No,youhaven’t.No,youdon’t.AndIgetthatwhatI’msuggestingisprobablydownrightscary.But,Angel,youhavegottotrustyourfolkstohandletheirshit,whichincludesbutisnotlimitedtotheirreactionstoyouandyourshit.”
“There’stoomuchshitinthatmetaphor.Itstinks.”
“Ha.Look,I’mnotsayin’it’sgonnabeeasy.AndI’mnotsayin’thatthey’regonnahavetheexactrightreaction.Butyouhavetodothebestyoucandoandtrustthemtodothesame.”
“YouwantmetoconfesstoeverysinglethingthatI’veliedtothemabout?”
“Hell,no.Noparentneedstohearaboutsneakin’outatnightandstealin’booze.Startwithnow.Tellthemaboutwork.Tellthemaboutus.”
“Ididtellthemaboutus.That’swhyIcalledthem.”
Hestayedwherehewas,sandwichhalfwaytohismouth,eyesboringintomewiththekindofheatthatmademystomachfeellikeitwasattachedtoapairofflip-flops.
“What?”Idaredhim.
“Youtoldyourmomaboutme.”
“So?”
Hedroppedthesandwichandpouncedonme.
IsquealedandPiperbarkedplayfully.
“Sothatdeservesareward,”hesaid,pickingmeup.FORTY-TWO
CHOCOLATECHOCOLATECHONK
Lina
“Whenyousaidicecream,Ithoughtyoumeantadate,”IteasedNashasheloweredthetailgateofhistruckintheparkinglotofKnockemoutCold,thetown’spremiericecreamestablishment.
I’dspentthedayporingoverthecrimescenereportsfrombothNash’sshootingandthewarehouse.Ialsoansweredafewfollow-upquestionsfromtheArlingtonpolicedetectivewhowaswrappinguphisreportontheBakerbrothers’nakedknifefight.Totopitoff,I’dwatchedthedashcamfootageofNash’sshooting,lookingforclues.
Iwasawreckonthefirstwatch,andbythethird,IwassosicktomystomachItacklehuggedhimassoonashewalkedinthedoor.
“Lookwho’slearningtolikedates,”hesaidsmuglybeforesettingthesweater-wearingPiperinthebedofthetruckwithhervanillapuppycuppy.“Thinkofthisasadoubledateplusone.”
Ihandedhisconebacktohim.“It’shardtogettothirdbasewhenwehaveanaudience.”ImadesurehewaslookinginmydirectionbeforeItookaleisurelylickofmysaltedcaramelicecream.
“Shouldn’thavegottenyouacone,”hegroused.
Isentasmugsmileinhisdirectionandperchedonthetailgate.Hesteppedbetweenmylegsandplantedachilly,chocolate-flavoredkissrightonmymouth.
“Gross.YouguysareasbadasKnoxandAuntNaomi,”Waylaycomplained.ShewasflankedbyNolanandSloane—ontheirseconddate—andcarryingatoweringicecreamcone.
“Howmanyscoopsisthat,Way?”Nashasked.
“Three,”shesaid.
“Naomiisgoingtomurderus,”Iwhispered.
“You’reintrouble,”SloanesangassheandNolanwanderedovertohisSUV.
Waylayshimmiedherwayontothetailgatenexttome.“Okay.Youguysbustedmeoutofsoccerpracticeandgavemeicecreambeforedinner.I’mnotstupid.Whatdoyouwant?Didyourlaptopgetavirus?’Causemyrateshavegoneup,”thegirlsaidbeforetakinganenthusiasticslurpofherchocolatechocolatechonk.
“WewanttotalktoyouaboutthenightyourmomandDuncanHugotookyou,”Nashsaid.
“Isthisbecausehe’sstilloutthereandyouguyswanttocatchhim?”sheasked.
“Prettymuch,yeah,”hesaid.
Ilikedthathewasn’tsugarcoatingit.ThathetrustedWaylaytohandlethetruthevenifitwasuglyandscary.MyparentshadtriedtohidesomanythingsfrommebecausetheywereafraidIwasn’tstrongenoughtohandlethebad.Buteverytimetherealtruthhadbeenrevealed,itfeltlikeanothertinybetrayal.
I’dhatedit…andholyshit,Iwasdoingthesamedamnthingtothemnow.Ididn’ttrustthemtobeabletodealwithtruthsoIliedtoprotectthem.
WhichmeantNashwasright.Again.
“Damnit,”Imuttered.
NashandWaylaybothlookedatmewithconcernovertheircones.
“Don’tmindme.Brainfreeze,”Isaid.
Brainfreeze,life-alteringepiphany—samedifference,right?
“WetalkedtoyourauntandKnoxandtheysaiditwasokayifweaskedyousomequestionsaboutthatnight,”Nashcontinued.“Areyouallrightwiththat?”
Waylayshruggedcarelesslyandchasedadripwithhertongue.“Sure.Whynot?”
“Whatdoyouremember?”Iasked.
Sheshotmeaduhlook.“Uh,everything?Youdon’tgetabductedbyyourmomandhercrazyboyfriendeveryday.It’skindaburnedintomybrain.”
“Let’sfocusonwhenyouwereinthewarehousealonewithDuncan,”Nashsuggested.“Whatdidhesayordobeforeyourmomcamebackwithyouraunt?”
“Well,hefedmesomedisgustingpizza.Itwas,like,burntandcoldatthesametime.ThenwhenItriedtoclimboutawindowwithWaylon,hetiedusbothup.”
Everthehero,Nash’sshoulderstensedalmostimperceptibly.IreachedbehindWaylayandrubbedhisbackwithmynon-icecreamholdinghand.
“Whatdidhedowhileyouweretiedup?”Iasked.
“Mostlyplayedvideogames.Heatealot.Mostlyshitty—Imeancrappypizzaandsomecandy.Ithinkhe’sanervouseater.AuntNaomiwouldfreakifshesawhisdiet.”
“Didhetalkonthephoneatallwhileyouwerethere?”Nashasked.
Waylaywrinkledhernose.“Idon’tthinkso.HemostlyjustyelledwhileheplayedDragonDungeonQuest.”Shelookedbackandforthbetweenus,thenadded,“That’savideogamewhereyoushootpeoplewitharrowsandblowsh—stuffup.”
“Didanyoneelsecomeintotheroomwhileyouwerethere?”
“Iguessacoupleof…whatdoyoucallthebadguyswhoworkforthebadguyincharge?”
“Henchmen?”Isupplied.
“Yeah.Acoupleofhenchmencamein.EverytimeDuncanhadtotakehisheadsetoff,hegotmadandyelledatthemforinterruptinghim.”
Waylaywalkedusthrougheverythingsherememberedthatnight,includingNaomidivingthroughtheairtosaveherandKnoxsquashingthem“likepancakes”untilUncleNashsavedtheday.
“Mymomhastheworsttasteinguys.”Waylayfinishedherrecapwithasardonicshakeofherhead.“NotlikeyouandAuntNaomi,”sheadded,lookingatme.
“Oh,uh,we’rejust…”IlookedtoNash.“Help?”
“Yeah,meandKnoxareprettygreat.Well,mostlyme.Knoxisokay.Ifyou’reintogrowlygrumpswhopoutallthetime,”Nashsaid,nudgingWaylaywithhiselbow.
Itwassweettowatchhimwiththeguardedgirl.Hewasgoodwithkids.AndwhyinthehellwasIthinkingaboutthat?“Goodwithkids”hadneveroncebeenacriterionforme.
“ThanksagainforCareerDay.Don’ttellKnox,’causehereallywillpout,butyouandthe’stachedefinitelywon.”
“Yes!Iknewit!”Nolan,whowasclearlyeavesdropping,straightenedawayfromthefrontbumperofhisSUVandcelebratedhisofficialvictorywithanarmpump.
“Youhaveicecreaminyourmustache,”Icalled.
Sloane:Question.DoesfollowingNashandLinaontheiricecreaminterrogationofWaylaycountasaseconddateformeandNolan?Askingforafriendwhoonlyputsoutafterthethirddate.
Naomi:Itmostdefinitelycounts.YouareonedateawayfromSexville!
Me:Whenareyouseeinghimagain?
Sloane:NotbeforeIgetawax,applyathickcoatofsunlesstanner,healfromsaidwax,changemysheets,andbuysomeunderwear.
Naomi:Whatdoyoumeanbuysomeunderwear?Don’tyoumeanbuysomesexyunderwear?
Me:MyGod.Isourquirkylibrarianacommando??
Sloane:Ihaverevealedtoomuch.
WhenwegotbacktoNash’splace,IfreshenedupPiper’swaterdishandgaveherherprebedtimegourmettreat.ThenIwentintothebedroomandchangedintoasexylittlesilknumberthatshowedmorethanithid.
IfoundNashstandinginthediningroomholdingupaphotooftheinteriorofthewarehouse.
“Whatchagotthere?”Iasked,sidlingupnexttohim.
“SomethingWaylaysaidgotmethinkin’—Holyshit,”hesaid,noticingmyoutfit.
“Thinkingaboutwhat?”
“Yourboobs.”Heshookhishead.“No.That’snotwhatIwasthinkingabout.Imean,I’mkindofalwaysthinkingaboutthem.Butnotinapervyway.Morelikeaworshipfulway.”
Itookthephotofromhisdanglinghandandglancedatit.“It’sagamingconsole.”
Nashsaidnothing,andIrealizedhewasstillstaringatmychest.Iheldthepictureovermybreasts.“Focus,hotshot.Talktome.”
“Hugo’sgamingconsole,”Nashsaid,slowlycomingoutofhisboobfugue.
“Lookslikeitwasshottohell.Doyouthinkanyonecouldgetanythingusefuloffit?”
“Wemightnotneedthemto.”
Imethisgazeandithitme.“Becausehewasn’tyellingattheTV.Hewasyellingatotherplayers.”
“Becausehewasplayingonline,”Nashsaidwithaslowgrin.
“Nowwho’sNancyDrew?”Iteased.“Thisisgood.Reallygood.Wecouldtracehislocation,couldn’twe?”
Nashpulledouthisphoneanddialed.“Hey.Ineedafavor.”
Helistenedbrieflyandrolledhiseyes.
“Shouldn’tyoubesavingthatfortheweddingnight?”
TherewasanotherbriefpauseandNashwinkedatme.
“ThenputyourpantsbackonandgoaskWaywhatHugo’susernamewasonDragonDungeonQuest.”Nashwaitedabeat.“Yeah,thethreescoopsoficecreamweremyfault.”
Nashreachedformeandpulledmeupagainsthim.ButinsteadofgrabbingahandfulofboobasIexpected,heheldmyhandandkissedeachoneofmyfingerswhilehewaitedforhisgrumpybrother.
“Yeah,I’mhere,”Nashsaidintothephone.“Sheremember?”
Hisgazeheldmine.IwonderedifI’deverseeneyesthatbluebefore.
“Yeah.Gotit.Thanks…No.Youcantakeyourpantsoffagain.I’maboutto.”
“Sherememberedit,didn’tshe?”Iaskedwhenhehungup.
“Suredid.KingSchlong85.”
“Gross.”
Nashopeneduphistextmessages.“Ifhe’susingthesameusername,Lucian’screepystealthteamshouldbeabletotrackdownanIPaddress.”
“God,you’rehotwhenyou’reallsleuthy.”
“Andyou’resexyashellwhenyou’reinvestigatinginlingerie.”
Hetossedhisphoneonthecounterandtookasteptowardme,adangerous,determinedgleaminhiseyes.
Iheldupmyhandsandstartedtobackaway.“Hangon.Wejusthadabreak.Shouldn’twewaittoseewhatLuciansays?”
“Noonesayswehavetowaitwithourclotheson,”hesaidashekeptcoming.
Ipulledoutadiningchairandputitbetweenus.
“Butthere’sworktodo,”Iremindedhim.
“AndtherewillstillbeworktodoonceIgetyououtofthatoutfit,”hesaiddevilishly.
Withasqueal,Iturnedtorun,buthewasfasterthanme.AndIdidn’tminditonebitwhenhetossedmeoverhisshoulderandmarchedusintothebedroom.
Thepoundingwokeusbothoutofadeadsleep.Sometimeafterfallingintoapost-sexcoma,I’dactuallycrawledontopofNash,whichwasembarrassingtosaytheleast.Buttherewasn’tanytimetowallowinitwithanextremelyinsistentmiddleofthenightknocker.
NashreactedmorequicklythanIdid.HedraggedonapairofsweatsandhauledasstothedoorwhileIwasstillrubbingthesleepoutofmyeyesandhopingIhadn’tdrooledonhischest.
Imanagedtostumbleafterhim,barelyavoidingsteppingontheanxiousPiper,whowasgrowlingandtremblingatthesametime.
“It’sthreeinthefuckingmorning.Someonebetterbebleeding,”Nashsaid,swingingthedooropen.
Nolanprowledinsideinpajamapants,runningshoes,and,well,thatwasit
“Ithinkthiswasmeantforyou,”Nolansaid,handingmeafreezerbagwithalargerockandapieceofpaperinside.
“Me?”
NashsnatchedthebagoutofhishandbutnotbeforeIreadthenote.
Backoff,Bitch.
“Wherethehelldidyoufindthis?”Nashdemanded.
“Mixedinwithaniceshardofglasssaladonherdiningroomfloor,”Nolanreported.
“What?”Isquintedathim,processing.
HelookedtotheheavenswhenIdidn’tpickupwhathewasputtingdownfastenough.“Theythrewitthroughthedamnwindowabouttwominutesago.”
Nashsprangintoactionandboltedbarefootthroughthedoor.
“Damnit,”Imuttered.
“Nicenightie,”Nolansaid,throwingmeasmirkandasalutebeforejoggingafterhim.“There’snooneoutthere.Theypeeledoutaboutfivesecondsaftertheybrokethewindow,”hecalledafterNash.
Iranbacktothebedroom,pulledonmyshoes,asportsbra,andNash’ssweatshirtoverthenightgown,thensprintedafterthem.
Thenightairwasdampandcold.Thestreetlightsbathedtheeerilysilentstreetingoldenyellowlightthatpooledinthethickeningfog.Ispottedtiremarksinfrontofthebuilding.
“Getbackinside,”NashgrowledatmewhenIcaughtuptotheminthemiddleofthestreet.
“Itwasmeantforme—”
“Whichmakesyouthegoddamntarget.Sogetyourassoffthestreet,now,”hebarked.
“Nowwho’stheoneoveremphasizingwords?”ImutteredundermybreathasImarchedbackinside.
Annoyed,IwaitedshiveringinthevestibuleasNashandNolancanvassedbothsidesofthestreet.
“Well?”Idemandedwhentheyfinallyreturned.
“Theywerelonggone,”Nashsaid,hisvoicetightashebrushedpastmeandheadedupthestairs.
“Chiefdoesn’tseemtolikehavinghisgirlfriendthreatened,”Nolansaidtomeaswetrudgedupbehindhim.
“I’mnothisgirlfriend.I’m…We’re…whatever.”
“You’relivingtogetherandwearingshitlikethattobed.Prettysureinsomepartsofthecountry,you’dbeconsideredmarried.”
We’dmadeittothetopofthestairswhenMrs.Tweedy’sdoorburstopen.
“It’slikeacircusfullofelephantsescapedouthere.What’swithallthethunderingfeet?You’reinterruptingmybeautysleep,”Mrs.Tweedysaid.Shewaswearingahousecoatandholdingwhatlookedlikeamartini.
“Yousleepwithamartini?”Nolanasked.
“Thisismymiddle-of-the-nightnightcap.”FORTY-THREE
BADDAY,BADADVICE
Nash
AftertherockthroughLina’swindowandGrave’sarrivaltotakeourstatements,I’dlainawakestaringattheceilingforanhour,listeningtothesteadyrhythmofLina’sbreathnexttome.ButinsteadofthecomfortIusuallyfoundfromherproximity,Iwasleftwithagnawinganxiety.
Someonehadthreatenedher.
Ifsomethinghappenedtoher…IfIcouldn’tprotecther…
I’dfinallymanagedtodriftoffonlytodreamofdarkpavement,themenacingcrunch,andtheechoofgunshots.
WhenIjoltedawakewitharacingheartbeatandthunderingheadache,I’dgivenupontheideaofchasingmoresleepandslippedoutofbed.
Itwasadrearygraymorningwithaslow,icyrainthatsomehowsettledintoyourbones.
Itookmyfirstcupofcoffeestandinginfrontofthecaseboardinthediningroomandpushedasidetheanxietythatthreatenedtochokeme.
EitherTateDiltonhaddecidednottogosoquietlyorsomehowthisDuncanHugomesshadspilledoverontoLina.Eitherway,Iwasn’tgoingtowaitandseewhathappenednext.
Ipulledoutmyphoneandopenedmymessages.
Me:Meetmeatthestation.ASAP.
Knox:Jesusdon’tyoueversleep?Lucianneedsatleastanhourtoputonhisfancyasssuitandcommandeerahelicoptertogetuphere.
Lucian:I’malreadydressedandI’veconductedtwoteleconferencesfromthebackroomofCaféRevsofarthismorning.
Knox:Kissass.
Lucian:Sweatpant-wearingwhiner.
Ibeatthembothtothestationandnoddedacurtgreetingtothenightshift.
I’dleftmyplacewithoutagoodbyejusttoprovetomyselfIdidn’tneedtostartmydaywithher.
Myheadfeltfuzzyandmygutburnedfromcoffeeandnerves.Uneasinesscrawledthroughmyveinslikeathousandspiders.
TodistractmyselfwhileIwaitedforKnoxandLucian,Iopenedthemailsittingonmydesk.Ididn’trealizeuntilI’dalreadyopeneditandunfoldeditthatoneoftheenvelopescontainedaletterfrommyfather.
Justseeinghissignatureatthebottomratchetedupmyanxiety.
HowmanytimeshadIwantedsomethingfromhim,neededsomethingfromhim?Howmanytimeshadheletmedownbecausehisaddictionwasgreaterthanhisloveforme?DukeMorganneededpillsjusttogetthroughtheday.Tosurvive.Tonumbhimselfbeforetheworldanditsrealitiescouldputhimintheground.
Despitethemorningchill,Ibrokeoutintoalightsweat.
WasthatwhatIwasdoing?
Iswipedahandovermymouthandstaredunseeingatmyfather’shandwriting.
Evenafterallthistime,itwasasrecognizabletomeasmyown.Wemadeoure’swiththesameslashingangle.Wehadthesameeyes,thesamee’s.Whatelsewasthesame?
Myheartpoundedlouderinmyhead.Butnowitwasn’tfearthatthreatenedtochokeme.Itwasanger.
Angeratmyselfforfollowinginhisfootsteps.
Iknewbetter.Iknewthatleaningonacrutchjusttogetthroughthedaywasthebeginningoftheend.
Andwasn’tthatexactlywhatIwasdoingwithLina?Usingher?Turningtohertohelppushthepainandfearaside?Itdidn’thavetobedrugsoralcoholorwhateverelsepeopleusedtonumbthepainofexistence.Itcouldbeanything,anyoneyouneededjusttosurvive,towakeupandstartthewholehorriblecyclealloveragain.
“Everythingallright?”LucianstrolledinsideandIstuffedmyfather’sletter,unread,intothetopdeskdrawer.
“No,it’snot.ButI’dratherwaitforKnoxtogetherebeforeIgetintoit.”
“He’sfuckin’here,”Knoxsaidonasnarlyyawn.
“SomeonethrewthisthroughLina’swindowlastnight.”Itossedthebaggedrockandnoteontomydesk.
“Well,fuck,”mybrothersaid.
“Guessthoseexteriorcamsarenowapriority,”KnoxsaidtoLucianafterIfinishedfillingthemin.
“I’massumingLinashouldbeoutfittedwithherowntracker,”ourfriendsuggested.
Knoxsmirked.“She’lllovethat.”
“Good.Thenyoucandeliverittoher,”Isaid.
“Whycan’tyoufuckingdoit?You’retheonesleepingwithher.Or,accordingtoWay,‘makinghearteyes’ather.”
“I’mbusytoday.Justdroponeoffforherandyellatheruntilsheagreestocarryit,”Isaid.
Knox’seyesnarrowed.“Somebodypissedinyourwheatbranthismorning,sunshine?”
“Idon’thavetimeforthis.Justgetitdone.”
Knoxthankfullywasn’tascombativeearlyinthemorning,soheleftmyofficeswearingunderhisbreath.
Lucian,however,remainedseated.
“Aren’tyoubreakingoutinhivesbynow?”Iaskedhim.Hewasn’tafanofcopsorpolicestationsandforgoodreason.
“You’reexceptionallypissythismorning.What’swrong?”
“Besidesa3:00a.m.warningrockthroughthewindow?”
Luciansatandstaredblandlyatme.Idecidedtowaithimoutandturnedmyattentiontomyemails.Ourstandofflastedthreeandahalfmessages.
“Doyouthinkwe’realldoomedtorepeatthesinsofourfathers?”Iaskedfinally.
“Yes.”
Iblinked.“Youdon’twannathinkaboutthatforaminute?”
Hecrossedhisarmsirritably.“I’vethoughtoflittleelseforthepastfewdecades.It’simpossibletooutrunyourgenes.Weweremadebyflawedmen.Thoseflawsdon’tjustdissolveoutofthebloodline.”
Rainpeltedthewindows,ensuringIcouldn’tforgetthemiseryoutside.
“Thenwhatthefuckisthepointofanything?”Iasked.
“HowthehellshouldIknow?”Heabsentmindedlypattedthejacketpocketwherehestowedhissingledailycigarette.“MyonlyhopeisifIkeepgettingoutofbedeverymorning,somedayitwillallmakesense.”
“Youknow,Iwasalreadyfeelingprettyshittybeforeyoubroughtyourcloudofdoominhere,”Itoldhim.
Luciangrimaced.“Sorry.Ididn’tgetmuchsleeplastnight.”
“Youdon’thavetomoveyourentirelifeuphereforthis,youknow.”Hisparents’househeldghostsforhim.
“I’llstaywhereIwanttostayandworkwhereIwanttowork.”
“Someonemusthavebeenpissinginwheatbranallovertown,”Iquipped.
Itwasrightaboutthenthatmyofficedoorflewopen.
“WhythehellamIfindingyouhereinsteadofatyourdamndoor?IsweartoGod,Morgan.You’reworsetobabysitthanthatlittleoldchurchladyinAla-fucking-bama,”adisheveledNolanannounced,stormingintotheroomandkickingmytrashcanforemphasis.“It’stwostepsforward,thirty-seventhousandbackwardwithyou,andtheydon’tpaymeenoughtoputupwiththisshit.”
“Whydon’tyouquitthen?”Isnapped,feelingtoosorryformyselftospreaditaroundtoanyoneelse.
“Iquitandyouendupfullofholes.ThenI’msupposedtolivewiththeguiltofit?Greatfuckingplan.”
“Imighthaveapositionforyou,”Lucianannounced.Hehadthatcraftybastardlookabouthimthatshouldmakeanyoneonthereceivingendvery,verynervous.
“Oh,really?”Nolansaid,stillpissedoff.
“Really.”
“What’sthecatch?”
“Catchissuchanuglyword.Let’scallitanaddendum.”
Nolandidn’tlookimpressed.
“StopseeingSloaneandthejobisyours.”
“You’vegottabefuckin’kiddingme,”Nolansaid.
“Okay,seriously?Youhatehergutsbutyoudon’twantherdatinganyoneelse?Evenyouhavetorealizehowunhealthythatis,”Isaid.
“Ineverclaimedtobehealthy,”Luciansaidinhisscaryvoice.
“ThenwhythehellamItakingadvicefromyou?”Idemanded.
“HowthehellshouldIknow?”
“Bunchofferalassholes,”Nolanmuttered,stormingoutofmyoffice.
Lina:Hey.EverythingOK?Iwokeupandyouweregone.Notthatyouneedtoclearallyourmovementswithme.Orwhatever.
Therainmadeforslickroads,andslickroadsmadeforaccidents.Thefirstcallwasn’tbad.Afenderbenderwithananxiousnewmomandherinfantonthewaytothepediatrician.
Bannerjeecalmedbothmomandbabywhilethetowtruckwascalled.MeanwhileIdealtwiththetrafficandcleanup,forcingmyselfnottothinkaboutthewomanI’dleftwarminmybed.
Wehadn’tevendriedofffromthefirstcallwhenwegotthesecond.
There’samodeofoperationfirstresponderslearntoshiftintosothetraumatheywitnessdoesn’thauntthem.Itworks.Forthemostpart.
ButgiventhemoodIcouldn’tshake,thecircumstances,thecruelcoincidence…IknewIwasalreadyspiralingbeforethingsgotworse.
ItwasdarkandIwasthoroughlyfrozenbythetimeItrudgedupthestairstomyapartment.Myshoulderandheadwerebattlingitoutforwhichcouldachemore.
IjustwantedahotshowersoIcouldstandunderthewateruntilmysoulthawed.AndthenIwantedtogotobedandsinkintotheblacknessuntilIcouldforgetaboutthepainthatIhadn’tbeenabletosaveanyonefrom.
TherewasahusbandandtwolittleboysholdingvigilintheICUwaitingroomhopingtheirwifeandmomwouldwakeup.
I’darrivedafterthefact.Generallyhowthingsworked.Somethingbadhappenedandthenthecopscame.I’dhelpedthefirecrewandparamedicspullherfromthemangledprisonoftwistedmetal,heldaponchooverhermotionlessbodywhiletheybeltedherontothegurney,andfeltfuckinghelpless.
Iwassupposedtosavepeople,butIhadn’tevenbeenabletosavemyself.ItwasdumbluckthatIwasstillhere.AluckycoincidencethatXandrahadbeenthereattheexactrighttime.
Iunlockedmydoorwithfrozenfingers,anxiousforthedark,thequiet.
Instead,Iwasmetwithlightandwarmthandthesmellofsomethingcookingonthestove.
Therewasmusic,anupbeatcountryclassicplayingloud.MemoriesofherpullingmeorKnoxormydadintoadanceinthekitchenassailedme,makingmychestache.
JaylaMorganwasthelightandlaughterofourlittlefamily.
Whenshedidn’tcomehomethatday,partofmedied.Partofallofusdied.Wewereneverthesame.
Pipertrotteduptomegrowlingplayfullythroughastuffedsnake.
“Hey!”Linacalledcheerilyfromthekitchen.“Beforeyoupanic,Ididn’tactuallycook.Mrs.TweedymadeatriplebatchofchiliandIfoundaboxmixforcornbreadinyourpantrythatImanagednottoburn.Ifigureditwastheperfect,miserabledayforit.”
Shewasinleggingsandalong-sleevewhitetopthatwascroppedatthewaistandopenwithcrisscrossedstrapsattheback.Herskinwasdewyandhershort,darkhairtousled.TheearringsIgotherdangledfromherears.
Inthatmoment,IknewalongingsointenseIfeltmykneesbuckle.
Inthatmoment,Iunderstoodmyfather.
Inthatmoment,IrealizedIwasmyfather.
“DoyoulikePiper’snewtoy?Themayordroppeditoff.Saidyou’dgetthejoke,”shecontinued.
Iwantedtotakeoffmyshoes,peelthewetclothesfrommybody,andstandundertheshowerheaduntilIfelthumanagain.ButIwasfrozentothespot.BecauseIdidn’tdeservetofeelwarm.NotuntilI’dlethergo.
“Nash?Areyouokay?”hervoicesoundedlikeitwasfaraway.Likeitwasfloatingtomeovercountrymusicandthesmelloffreshcornbread.
Somethingroseupinme.Somethingdarkanddetermined.Icouldn’tdothis
IfIstayed,ifIkepther,keptleaningonher,I’dbenobetterthanmyfather.
AndifIlovedhertoomuch,Iwouldloseher.
“Ithinkyoushouldgo.”Myvoicesoundedthinandshaky,likemyfather’swhenheneededafix.
Theladlefellfromherhandandlandedonthefloor.
“YouthinkIshoulddowhat?”shedemanded,meetingmyicynumbnesswithherfire.
Wasthiswhywefought?SoIcouldprovokeherandstealherheat?Woulditalljustbefindingnewwaystouseher?
“Thisisn’tworking,”Iinsisted.“Ithinkyoushouldgo.”
Thosewhiskey-coloredeyesscannedmefromheadtotoeasiflookingforinjury.Butshe’dneverseeit.Itwastoofarbeneaththesurface.Thewoundthatneverhealed.
Shethrewtheladleinthesinkandcrossedherarms.“What’swrong?”sheaskedagain.
Ishookmyhead.“Nothing.Just…Ineedyoutogo.”
“Didyouhaveanotherpanicattack?”Shewascomingtowardme,andIknewifshetouchedme,itwouldbegameover.I’dcave.I’dburrowintoherbodyandtakewhatIneededfromher.
“Ididn’thaveafuckingpanicattack.Okay?”Iexploded.
Sheflinchedbutkeptcomingatme.“Whathappened?Areyouallright?”
“Ijustdon’twantyouhereanymore.Ican’tmakeitanymoreclearthanthat.I’moverit.Youwereright.Thiswasareallyfuckingstupididea.Webarelyknoweachother.”
Shestoppedinhertracksandthelookinhereyesnearlyleveledme.Theshock.Thehurt.I’dputthemthere.Butitwasbetterthisway.Betterthandraggingherdownwithme.Betterthanherleavingme.
“You’reserious,aren’tyou?”shewhispered.
Piperwhimpered,droppingthestuffedsnakeatmyfeet.Ikickeditaway.“Notnow,Pipe,”Isaidquietly.“Youwerealwaysgoingtoleave.Mightaswellbenow,”Isaid.
Sheliftedherchinandtookashakyinhale.“Okay.”
“Justokay?”
Whycouldn’tIleaveitalone?IwasgettingwhatIwanted.Linawouldgo.She’dbesafefromthethingsIcouldn’tprotectherfrom.AndIcouldgobacktowhateverthehellIhadbeforeher.YetIwasbaitingher,tryingtomakehershareintheresponsibilityforthisspectacularflameout.
Shedidn’tsayawordtome,didn’trisetothebait.Shejustwalkedaway.
Ifollowedherintothebedroomandwatchedasshepulledhersuitcaseoutofmycloset.
“I’msorrythisishowitworkedout.You’reprobablyrelieved.”
Herjawwastight,makingthehollowsunderhercheekbonesevenmorepronounced.Stillshesaidnothingassheefficientlyunzippedthebagandlaiditopenonthebed.
Piperhoppedontothebench,thenontothemattress,whereshesniffedatLina’ssuitcase.
“Youshouldtakehertoo.Ican’tdealwithherrightnow,”Isaid,gesturingatthedog.
BothsetsoffemaleeyeshitmeandmademefeellikeKingAssholeofthePlanetAsshole.
Linaputherhandsonherhips.“Okay.Youalmosthadme.Iwasbuyingituntilthat.”
“Untilwhat?”
ShepointedatPiper.“Youloveher,youidiot.”
“Idonot.”
Linaopenedthenightstanddrawerandwithdrewashortstackofpapers.“Youboughtherabenchtohelphergetonthebed.Youhaveabasketfulloftoystoentertainher.Youdressherinsweaterstokeepherwarmoutside.Youloveher.”
“That’snotlove.That’stakingcareandI’mtappedout.Idon’thavethecapacitytotakecareofanyoneoranythingelse.”Myselfincluded,Iaddedsilently.
“Bullshit.”
“Don’tyougetit?”Myvoicesnappedlikethecrackofawhip.“Ican’ttakecareofher.Ican’tprotectyou.Hell,Icouldn’tevenprotectmyself.”
Shetossedthepapersdownonthebedandtookachallengingsteptowardme.“Fortherecord,thisisyoupushingmeawayandthisismesticking.”
“Idon’twantyoutostick.”Thewordsburnedlikeacidinmymouth.
“Whodidn’tyouprotect,Nash?”shesaidquietly.
Pipercurledupinatightballinthesuitcaseandwrappedhertailoverhernose.
“Areyouforgettingtherocksomeonethrewthroughyourwindowlastnight?”
“Noonegothurt.”
“Can’tsaythesameforthewomanonafuckingventilatorintheICU.She’sgotahusbandandtwoboyswonderingwhatthey’regonnadoifshedoesn’twakeup.”
Linatookanotherstepforward.Shewastooclose.Ihadtofistmyhandsatmysidestokeepmyselffromgrabbingherandholdinghertome.
“Doesthatremindyouofyourmom?”sheaskedquietly.
“Howthefuckcoulditnot?Ithappenedonthesamestretchofroadlessthantwohundredyardsaway.”
“Baby,”shewhispered,inchingcloserlikeIwassomekindofskittishfuckinghorse.
“Don’t,”Ihissed.
“Youcan’tgetthereintimetosaveeveryone,”shesaid.
“Ican’tsaveanyone.Ireallyneedyoutogo,Lina.Please.”
Hereyeslookedglassy,andwhenshenodded,herearringsshimmered,thegoldensunburstscatchingthelight.
“Okay.You’reexhausted.You’vehadagod-awfulday.I’mgoingtogiveyousomespace.I’llstaynextdoorwithNolantonight.We’lltalktomorrowafteryou’vehadsomesleep.”
“Fine,”Irasped.I’dpromiseheranythingjusttomakeherleavebeforeIbrokedownandtouchedher.
IstayedwhereIwas,rootedtothespotasshepackedafewthingsintoherbagandthenwheeleditoutaroundme.Iheardhergointothekitchenandturnofftheburner.AndthenIlistenedforthefrontdoortoopenandclosesoftly.
Shewasgone.
AndIwasalone.
Butinsteadofrelief,awaveofpaniccrashedoverme,shovingmeunder,forcingmedowndeep.
Shewasgone.
I’dmadethewomanIneeded,thewomanIloved,leave.
Ileftthebedroom,thesightofthebedwe’dsharedmakingmesick.Ilovedher.I’dknownitforawhile.MaybesincethemomentIfoundheronmystairs.I’dwantedher.Neededher.AndnowI’dthrownheraway.
Butitwastherightthing,wasn’tit?Shedeservedmorethantobesomeone’scrutch,someone’semotionalsupportfuck.Shedeservedsomethingrealandgood.AndIcouldn’tofferthat.Notlikethis.
Pipersatnexttothefrontdoorandwhimperedpathetically.
Iputmyhandsonmyheadandheadedforthebedroomasthebandaroundmychesttightenedtothepointofpain.IspottedthepapersLinahadleftandpickedthemup.Theywerefromthedogrescue.Itwasanadoptionapplication.ThestickynoteontopsaidinLina’sboldscrawl,“She’syours.Makeitofficial.”
Itfeltlikeapunchtothegut.Idroppedthepapersandwalkedbacktothelivingroom.Theplantinthewindowdrewmyattention.Lina’splant.Ithadbeennothingbutapotofglossyleaveswhenshe’dmovedin,butnowitwascoveredwithdelicatewhitebell-shapedblooms.
Lilyofthevalley,Irealized.
Mymother’sfavorite.
“Fuck.”FORTY-FOUR
EYEWATER
Lina
IpushedthroughtheexteriordoorandsteppedoutintotherainynightMainStreethadtooffer.Raindropspeltedmyhead,soakingmyshirt.ButIdidn’tcare.Iwasangryandhurtandsadandconfused.Alsohungry.Wasthiswhywomeninmoviesalwaysateicecreamoutofthecartonaftergettingtheirheartsbroken?
Feelingthecoldstabofeachdropwasbetterthanfeelingthepiecesofmystupidheartsplinterapart.
This.ThiswaswhatIgotforbeingvulnerable.Iputmyselfoutthere.Iopenedup.AndIgotpunchedinthegoddamnheart.WhichwasexactlywhatI’dpredicted.IblamedNaomi.Smugsoon-to-be-marriedwomenwerenottobetrusted.Neitherweresexy,broodynext-doorneighborswithgreatassesandheroicscars.
Iknewthis.YethereIwas,takingastrollintheicyrainaftermakingfuckingcornbread
Nashwashurting,andthatdevastatedmeinawayIwasunpreparedtohandle.ButIcouldn’tfixhim.Icouldn’topenupthosewoundsofhisandforcethemtoheal.
Icouldonlygoforastupidwalkinthestupidrainsomystupideyewatercouldmixwiththestupidskywater.
Ashudderingsobrippeditswayoutofmythroat.
Ifhedidn’tchangehismind,ifhecouldn’tventureoutofhisblack-and-whitethinkingandmeetmeinthegray,Iwouldlosehimforever.Thethoughtofthatrealitywasterrifying.Andstupid.Webarelykneweachother,andIwascryinginthedamnrainoveramanwhohadkickedmeoutofhisapartment.
Ordidweknoweachotherbetterthananyone?anagginginnervoiceinterjected.
“Ihatehavingfeelings,”Imutteredtotheempty,soggystreet.
Everyoneelsewasathomeorinside,stayingwarm,beinghappy,eatinghotfood.Andonceagain,Iwasleftontheoutside.
Istartedtowalk,crossingmyarmsovermychestandhunchingmyshouldersagainstthecold.I’dbarelymadeitpastthewarmglowofWhiskeyClipper’sstorefrontwhenIheardthedoortotheapartmentsburstopen.
“Angelina.”
Ohno.Nothankyou.Nope.Iwasnotlettingthemanwhobroughtmetoliteraltearsseemeinthosetears.Iwastoovulnerablerightnow.Iwouldn’tsurvive.
Swipingatmywetfacewithmysleeves,Ibrokeintoarun.
Hewouldn’tfollowme.Themanhadjusttriedtodumpme.Itwasn’tlikehewasgoingtochase—
Fastfootstepssoundedbehindme.
Ipouredonthespeed,myfeetslappingatthewateronthesidewalk,andthankedmyluckystarsthatitwasadark,miserablenight,whichmeanttherewasnooneelsetowitnessmytearfulhumiliation.
Hewastiredandcoldandspiraling.Anysecondnow,he’ddecideIwasn’tworthchasingafter.
Myheartpoundedinmychestasmyarmspumpedharder.Iwasfasterthanhewas.Icouldoutlasthim,outdistancehim.IfIcouldjustmakeittothecorner,Iwouldn’thavetowitnesshimgivinguponme.Onus.
Ahandclosedinthematerialofmyshirt,jerkingmebackward.Thenstrongarmswrappedaroundmehard,bandingmetohim.
“Stop,”Nashpantedinmyearashepulledmeagainsthim.Heburrowedhisfaceinthebackofmyneck.“Juststop.”
Anewpanicsetin.“Letgoofme!”
“Itried.Ican’t.”
Iwentstillinhisarmsevenasmoretearscourseddownmycheeks.“I’m…confused.”
“I’manidiot.Anasshole.Anidiotassholewhodoesn’tdeserveyou,Angel.”
Itriedtopryhishandsloose,butthemanwasn’tgivinganinch.Hewassqueezingthebreathoutofme.“Ifyou’relookingforanargumenthere,you’regonnabedisappointed.”
“Allday,allIcouldthinkaboutwaswhatifsomethinghappenedtoyou.”
“Nothinghappenedtome.Nothingisgoingtohappentome,”Iwhispered,mybreathhitching.HowmanyconversationshadIhadwithmyparentsthatstartedthesamewayandendedwithmemakingpromisesweallknewIcouldn’tkeep?
“Luciansaidwe’redoomedtorepeatthemistakesourfathersmade.”
Ifoughtagainsthisgripandhefinallyallowedmetoturninhisarms.WhenIlookedupintohisface,IwishedIhadn’t.Somuchpain.Somuchsadness.Iachedforhim.
“YouwenttoLucianforadvice?ThatguyisonetypewriterawayfromTheShining.Imean,it’sgreatthatheownshisfucked-upness,buthe’stheguyyougotoforstocktipsortomakesomeonedisappear.He’snottheguyyougotoforadviceonwomen.”
Nash’slipsquirkedastherainpattereddownonourheads.“Irepeat.Idiotasshole.IthinkIwaslookingforsomeonetoconfirmmydarkestfears.”
“Well,youwenttotherightplace.”
“Mymomaskedmetogowithhertothestorethatday.Ididn’tfeellikeit.Iwastoobusydoingwhateverkidshitkidsdo.Icouldhavebeenthere.ButIwasn’t.Soshediedaloneinthatcar.IcouldhavehelpedherifI’dbeenthere.MaybeIcouldhaveevenpreventedit.ButIwasn’tthere.”
Myheartachedforhimwhenhisvoicebroke.
“After,ImadesureIwasthereeveryfuckingdayandIstillcouldn’tsavemydad.”
Tearsburnedpathsdownmycheeks.Seeingthem,Nashhookedahandatthebackofmyneckandpressedmyfacetohischest.Iwrappedmyarmsaroundhimandheldontight.
“Welosthimtoo,”hecontinued.“Nomatterhowgoodmygradeswere,howhardIworkedonthefootballfield,nothingwasenoughtomakehimchooseus.Hewantedsomethingmorethanhewantedus.”
Iletoutashudderingsob,myheartshatteringfortheboywhowantedtosaveeveryone.
HisarmstightenedaroundmeuntilIcouldbarelybreathe.
“Iwasn’ttherewhenLucianwasarrested.Wefoundoutafterthefact.Hedidn’tdeservetobepunishedfordefendinghimselfagainsthisownfuckingfather.IthoughtbecomingacopwouldmeanIcouldfinallyfixitall.Icouldprotecttheoneswhoneededprotecting.”
“That’swhatyou’redoing.Everydamnday,Nash,”Imurmuredagainsthisdampuniformshirt.Hisbadgewasicyagainstmycheek.
Hegaveabitterlaugh.“WhoamIprotecting?Icouldn’tevensavemyself.Ifnotfordumbfuckingluck,Iwouldn’tevenbehere.”
IwrestledmyarmsfreesoIcouldcuphisface.“Onyourdarkestdays,youdragyourselfoutofbedandyouchoosetogoprotectyourtown,yourpeople.That’swhataherodoes,youidiot.Whatyoudoisnothingshortofheroic.”
Eyesclosed,hebowedhisheadtomine.
Tearscontinuedtospillfreeontomycheeks,scaldinghotagainsttheicyraindrops.“I’msoproudofyou,Nash.Youfacedownyourowndemonseverydamndaysoyoucanshowupandbethereforeveryoneelse.Yousingle-handedlymadeyourentiretownsafer.Hell,evenTinarespectsyou.”
“Myfamilydoesn’t.”
Myheartachedforhim.“Baby.Yourbrotherandgrandmotheraretwooftheworstcommunicatorsintheworld.MaybeKnoxdoesn’tunderstandwhyyoudowhatyoudo,butheissofuckingproudofyoufordoingit.Justlikeyou’reproudofhimforusinghismoneytohelpsupportthesamepeopleyouprotect.Notthatyou’devertellhimthat.Butyou’retheonewhostandsbetweenyourpeopleanddanger.You’retheonewho’sthereimmediatelyaftertorestoreorder.You’retheonewhodoeswhateverhecantomakesureitdoesn’thappenagain.”
Hecrushedmetohimagainastherainpeltedus.“Imissher,”hewhispered.“I–Ithinkmaybeshewouldhavebeenproud.”
Iheldontohimlikehewasdanglingoffacliff.“Sheisproudofyou.”
Hetookashakybreath,hischestrisingagainstmine.“Theyusedtodanceinthekitchen.Myparents.Theyusedtobehappy.Helovedhersomuch.Andwhenshewasgone,hedidn’tloveusenough.Hechoseboozeandpillsoverandoveragain.Heneededthem.”
“Andthatsucks,butitwasneverbecauseofyou.Itwasneverbecauseofanythingyoudidordidn’tdo.”
“Iwantyoulikethat.Ineedyoulikethat.”
“Youarenotyourfather,hotshot.AndIamnotsomeunhealthyhabitthatneedstobekicked.Weareallverydifferentpeoplefromtheoneswhomadeus.Youdidn’tturntometonumbyourselftothepain.Youturnedtometorememberwhatfeltgood.Togiveyourselfareasontofightthroughthepain.”
“Jesus.WhyinthefuckdidItalktoLucianandnotyou?”
Mylaughwashalfhiccup.“Ithinkithassomethingtodowiththeidiotassholething.”
Hestartedtoswaywithme,sidetosideintherainasthereflectionofstreetlightsdancedoverrivuletsofwatertricklingintothegutters.
“Youknowthisiscrazy,right?That’swhatweshouldbefreakingoutaboutinsteadofallourstupidbaggage.I’veknownyouonlyafewweeks,”Iremindedhim.
Nashrestedhischinonthetopofmyhead.“Doesn’tmeanthisisn’treal.Myparentsmet,fellinlove,andgotengagedinthreemonths.”
“Theywerehappy?Before?”Iasked
Hishandsshiftedonmyback,pressingmecloser.“Yeah.Weallwere.Beforetheygotmarried,Dadgot0522tattooedonhisarm.Maytwenty-second.Theirweddingdate.Hesaidheknewevenbeforeithappeneditwouldbethehappiestdayofhislife.”
“Wow.”
“Whenwewerekids—before—weallcelebratedthatdaylikeitwasanationalholiday.Hell,theirweddingdateismyPINnumber.Ineverchangedit.ItfeltliketheonlywayIcouldhangontothosegoodtimes.”
“Maybe…”Ibegan,butemotionmadethewordsstick.Iclearedmythroatandtriedagain.“Maybeyourgoodtimesareyettocome.”
“IfIhaven’tfuckedupmychancesalready.”
“Nash—”
“No.Listentome,Angel.I’msofuckingsorry.Iletyouwalkoutthatdoor,butthat’sasfarasI’mwillingtoletyougo.Pleasedon’ttakeanotherstepawayfromme.Pleasebepatientwithme.”
“Nash,Iwasn’ttryingtoleaveyou.Iwastryingtogiveusbothsomespace.”
“Youran,”hepointedout.
“Iwastryingtogiveusbothalotofspaceveryquickly,”Iamended.
“You’recold,”hesaid,noticingmyshivers.“Comehomewithme.”
Icouldfeeltheshiftingearsfromwoundedsoultotake-chargehero.
“Okay.”
“ThankGod,”hemurmured.“IwasafraidI’dhavetopullaKnoxandcarryyouback.”
Heledmestraighttotheshower.Aftercarefullyundressingmeandthenhimself,Nashguidedmeunderthehotwater.Hefollowedmeinandwestoodthere,mybacktohisfront,lettingthehotwatertakethechilloutofourbones.
Hishandsweregentleastheycombedthroughmywethairandsliddownmybody.Soothing.Reassuring.
Ifeltraw,vulnerable.AndwhenIfeltthebrushofhiserectionagainstme,Ifeltanewkindofwarmthspiralingthroughmybody.Iwantedtoreachoutandtouchhim,tomakehimfeelasgoodashemademefeel.ButIunderstoodthatheneededtogive.SoIsurrenderedtohistouch.
Hestrokedandkissedhiswayup,thendownmybody.Andwhenheturnedmetofacehim,Ifoundhimonhiskneesinfrontofme.
Thosecallusedhandspressedmeagainstthetilewall.
Hewatchedmewithsolemneyesasheslidonehandfrommyankleuptomythigh.Ourgazesheldinawaythatwassointimateitmademetremble.Hookingmebehindtheknee,hedrapedmylegoverhisshoulder,baringmetohim.
Myheadthumpedagainstthewall,breakingoureyecontact.
Steamrosearoundus,butIbarelynoticed,becauseNashusedtwofingerstopartthelipsofmysex.
“Suchaprettypussy,Angel,”hesaid,hisvoicebarelyaudibleoverthewater.
Gah.Whoknewthelaw-abidingmanwiththeshinybadgewouldbesuchadirtytalker?
ItwasthelastcoherentthoughtIhadbeforehistonguetracedeverythinghisfingershadjustbared.Mykneewentweekandnearlybuckledatthefirstswipeofhistongue.Everymuscleinmybodyseemedtocontractatthesametimeasallmyconsciousnesscoalescedtothenervesattheapexofmythighs.
Helickedhiswayupandback,drivingmewildwithhismouth,tenderandloving,yetdeterminedtoconquer.Whenmysupportinglegshookagain,hemerelywedgedhisshoulderbehindmykneesoIsatastridehim,mybacktothetile
Iletoutalong,lowmoanashedevouredme.
Mythighstrembledashistonguealternatedbetweenthrustingintomyopeningandlavingmyclitwithaferventkindofworship.Hewasmagic.Weweremagic.AndIknew,deepdown,somethingthatfeltthisgoodcouldn’tbewrong.
“Nash,”Iwhisperedbrokenlyasthingsinsidemebegantogiveway.
Hegroanedagainstmysexasifhearinghisnamefrommymouthwastoomuchtobear.Mindlessnow,Ibuckedagainsthim,thengaspedwhenhethrusthisfingersinsidemeagain.Histongueconcentratedonthedesperateneedthatkeptbuildingandbuilding.
Withoutwarning,Icame.Myinnerwallsclampeddownonhisfingersashelickedandsuckedmyswollenbudthroughtheorgasm.
Irodehisfaceshamelessly,relishingthewayhistongueforcedthepleasuretospiralonandon.Iwasstillfeelingtheechoesofitwhenhewithdrewfrommeandspunmearoundtofacethewall.
Hecagedmeinwithhisarms,hispalmsflatagainstthetile.Hiserectionwashotandhardagainstmyback.
Nash’sneedmademefeelbothpowerlessandpowerful.
HisheaddippedandIfelthislipstrailovermytattoo.
“Needyou,”hemurmuredbeforeusinghisteethagainstmyskin.
Ineededthistoo.“Hurry,”Iwhispered.“Please.”
Hedidn’tmakemewait.Thosebig,roughhandsofhissliddownmyhips,cantingthematjusttherightangle.Heguidedthebluntcrownofhispenisdownthecleftofmycheeks.Iwentstillandtensedwhenheeasedtheheadovermyanus,remindingmejusthowintimatelyvulnerablethispositionwas.Heletoutagutturalgroanandthenhewasdraggingthetiplowerstill,betweenmyspreadthighs,slidingthroughthelipsofmysex.
Icouldfeelthepulseofhimagainstme,andafreshwaveoflongingcrashedoverme.
“IlosemymindwhenIhaveyoulikethis,”hemurmured,slidingonehandupmystomachtocupabreast.
Idroppedmyheadagainsthisshoulder.Hewasn’ttheonlyonelosingtheirmindhere.
Mythighstrembled.Mypalmsflattenedagainstthetile.Myhipshadamindoftheirown,pressingagainsthim,beggingformoreasifIhadn’tjustcomemeremomentsago.
Hishandkneadedmybreast,squeezingandplumping.“Ican’tletyougo,Angel.”
“Whywouldyouhavetoletmego?”Mykneeswereknockingnow.Fromexcitement.Fromneed.Fromtheweightofhisbodypressingmedown,down.
“Justlettin’youknowit’snotanoptionnow.You’llmovehereorI’llmovewithyou.Maybewe’llfindsomeplacetostartover.ButIcan’t.Let.You.Go.”
“Nash,”Iwhisperedasahottearsliddownthesideofmynose.
“Youbreathedlifebackintome.Youbroughtmebacktothelight.Letmehaveyou.Letmetakeyou.Sayyou’remine,”hedemanded.
Hethrusthiserectionthroughmyslickfolds.
“Y-yes,”Imanaged.I’dworryabouttheconsequencesofwhatI’dpromisedhimafter.Ineededthis,himnow.
“ThankGod,”hesaid,droppinganopen-mouthedkisstomyshoulder.Theshiftofhisweighthadmeanglingmyhipsformore.
“Nash!”Igasped.
Hisgriptightenedatthebackofmyneckashedraggedhiserectionbackandthensurgedforwardagain,thecrownofhiscocknudgingagainstmyclitoris.
Heneededthis.AndIneededtogiveittohim.
“Icanneverdecidewhichwaytotakeyou,”herasped,continuingthoseshort,measuredthrusts.“Ifuckinglovewatchingyoucome.WatchingyourtitsbouncewhileImoveinyou.ButIloveyoulikethistoo.Whenyougiveitallupandjustsurrender.”
Iloveyoulikethis.
Ican’tletyougo.
Hiswordsechoedinmyheadlikeamantra.AmantrathatIhadnorightrepeating.Hedidn’tmeanitlikethat,Itoldmyself.AndthenIstoppedtellingmyselfanythingbecauseNashlineduptheheadofhiscockwithmyeageropeningandsurgedinsideme.
Ourshoutsechoedoffthetile.
Full.Sofull.Hesnakedonearmacrossmyabdomen.Hisotherhandclosedinmyhair,holdingmetohim.Andthenhebegantothrust.
Hotwaterpeltedmefromabove.ButitwasNash’sheatthatwarmedmefromtheinsideout.Hepoweredintome,bringingmeuponmytoeswitheverydriveofhishipsuntilwebothcame,shakingandpantingaseachwavesentustumbling.Eachwarmwashofhisreleasebrandingme,soothingmefromtheinside.FORTY-FIVE
APERFECTLYGOODPARACHUTE
Nash
Iwoketowarm,femalefleshpressingagainstme.
“Wakeup,hotshot.It’stimeforsomefun,”Linamurmuredinmyear.
Meandmycockbothgaveherourfullattention.
Shekissedmehard,nippingmybottomlipwithherteeth.“Sorry,handsome.Wedon’thavetimeforthatkindoffunthismorning.Timetogetup.”
Iguidedherhandunderthecoverstomyerection.“Iamup.”
Herhuskylaughwaswarmagainstmythroat.“After,”shepromised.“Comeon.Getthatcuteassoutofbed.”
SheslidoffmebeforeIcouldcaptureherandconvincehertostay.Myhard-onpitchedaworthytentunderthesheet.
“Noamountoffunisgoingtobebetterthanstayinginbedwithme,”Iwarned,rubbingthesleepoutofmyeyes
Apairofathleticpantshitmeintheface.
“We’llseeaboutthat,”shesaidsmugly.“Getdressed.We’vegotanappointment.”
“Nofuckingway,Lina.”
ShegrinnedfrombehindthewheelandsaidnothingassheturnedtheChargerontothelaneafterthesignthatsaidJustJumpAviationandSkydiving.
ThepavedlaneranparallelwithasmallairstriptuckedbetweenacresofcornfieldsjustsouthoftheVirginia-Marylandborder.Unlikethemiseryofyesterday,themorningsunburnedbrightinthecloudlessskyovertheorangesandgoldsofautumnleaves.
Linawhippedthecarintoaparkingspotagainstthecavernousredhangarwithawhite-and-bluelogopaintedonit
Stillgrinning,sheloweredhersunglassestolookatme.Withthoseredlips,shelookedlikeatemptress,asirentryingtoluremetomydeath.
“Planesaremeanttoland,”Iinsisted.
“Itwillland.Wejustwon’tbeonitwhenitdoes,”shesaid,shuttingofftheengineandunbucklingherseatbelt.
Irefusedtomove.Nothingwasgoingtogetmeoutofthiscarandanywherenearagoddamnparachute.“It’sirresponsibletojumpoutofamovingvehicle.Especiallyonethat’sseveralthousandfeetabovethefuckingearth.”
Linareachedbetweenherlegsandslidherseatback.
BeforeIrealizedherintention,shemanagedtoclimbovertheconsoleintomylap.“I’mnotgoingtomakeyoudoanythingyoudon’twanttodo,Nash.”
“Great.Let’sgogetsomebreakfastandthenwecangobuycaulktofixtheloosetileintheshower.”
Sheshookherhead,stillsmilingthatsiren’ssmile.“I’mgoingup.AndIwouldloveforyoutogowithme.”
Fuck.
“You’renotthrowingyourselfoutofagoddamnplane.”Acoldsweateruptedinmyarmpits.
Sheslidmysunglassesontopofmyheadandcuppedmyfaceinherhands.“Nash,I’vedonethismorethanahandfuloftimes.Thisisoneofmyfavoritethingstodo,andIwanttoshareitwithyou.”
Doublefuck.
HowinthehellwasIsupposedtosaynotothat?
“Comeon,hotshot.Havesomefunwithme,”shecoaxed.
I’dputherthroughhellyesterdayandthiswasmypunishment.Deathbygravity.
Lessthanaminutelater,Iwas—reluctantly—followinghertowardthehugeopengaragedooronthesideofthebuilding.Herhandgrippedmineinawaythatsuggestedshewasn’tgoingtotakenoforananswer.
“Doesn’tthisrequirealicenseorsomekindofcomplicatedpaperworkthattakesweekstogetapproved?”Iaskeddesperately.
Shelookedoverhershoulderatme,smirking.“Notforatandemjump.”
“Whatthehellisatandemjump?”MybackwasturningintoaSlip’NSlidewithsweat.
“Newbiesjumpattachedtopros,”Linasaid,pointingtoagiantposterjustinsidethehangar’sopendoor.Inthephoto,aguytoostupidtobescaredwasgrinninglikealunatic.Heappearedtobeharnessedtoanothermanfrombehind.
“There’snowayI’mdyingwithanothermanstrappedtomyback.”
“Ofcoursenot.You’rejumpingwithme.”
Istoppedinmytracksanddugmyheelsin,puttinganabruptendtoLina’sforwardmomentum.Shereboundedintomychest.
“I’mcertified,”shesaid.
Ofcourseshewas.
“Nash.”Therewaslaughterinhertone.
“Angel.”
“Tellmewhatyou’refeelingrightnow,”sheinsisted.
Abjectpanic.Alittledelirious.
“Justsitthroughthetrainingvideoandthendecide.Okay?”
Atrainingvideo.Ifitwaslongenough,Icouldprayforathunderstormtorollin.Oracloudoflocusts.Orsomekindofmechanicalfailurethatwouldbediscoveredwhilewewerestillsafelyontheground.Oh,twoflattiresandaholeinthepropeller?Toobad.Let’sgogetsomebreakfast.
“Please?”
Fuck.Me.
Ihadtwooptions.Icouldputmyfootdownandwussout,inwhichcaseI’dhavetositherealoneonthegroundandpanicuntilLinafloatedbacktoearth.OrIcouldsignmyowndeathwarrant,defygravityinatinytincan,andthenhurlmyselfoutofitwithher.Forher.
Iwasvaguelynauseousandextremelysweaty.Butthosebrowneyeslockedonmyface.Hercoolhandspressedagainstmychest.
Shewantedthisfromme.AndIhadthepowertogiveittoher.
“Fine.Butifweplummettotheearthandcreateatandemcraterinacornfield,Iwillneverforgiveyou.”
Sheletoutalittlesquealandlaunchedherselfintomyarms.Shemayhaveknockedmebackastep,butIstillmanagedtocatchher,holdinghersoherfeetdangledofftheground.
Hermouthcrashedintothesideofmyfaceandshegavemealoudkiss.
“You’renotgoingtoregretthis.Ipromise.”
Iwasbusyregrettingeverysinglethingabouttheday,startingwiththedecisiontogetoutofbed,whenaguyincargoshortscasuallyrolleduptheflimsydoorintheplane’sfuselage.
“It’stime,”Linasaidinmyear.Wewerestraddlingabenchthatwasboltedtothefloor.Iwashog-tiedtoherwithaseriesofnylonstrapsthatdidn’tlookliketheywouldholdPiper,letaloneafull-grownman.
Everycellinmybodyscreamedformetoclingtothebench.Instead,Istupidlyforcedmyselftocrabwalktowardthegapingholeinthesideoftheplane.ThiswasbyfarthedumbestthingI’deverdoneforawoman.
“Areyousureaboutthis?”Iyelledtoherovertherushofair.
“I’mpositive,hotshot.”IcouldhearthesmileinLina’shuskyvoice.
Webalancedintheopening,eachgrippingahandleontheinsideofthedoor,andImadethemistakeoflookingoutanddown.
Myknuckleswentwhiteonthehandle
“Youcanletgo.Trustme,Nash,”shesaid.
SoIdid.Onefingeratatime.IhopedKnoxwouldn’tputsomethingstupidonmyheadstone.
AndthenLinawastiltingustotherightandwewerefallingintonothing.
Isqueezedmyeyesshutandwaitedforthepanic,butitwastoolateforregrets.Thewindbuffetingmyface,thedropinmystomachlikeanendlessdownhillofarollercoaster,toldmethat
“Openyoureyes,hotshot.”
Ididn’tknowhowsheknewIhadthemclosed.Justanotherbitofhermagic.
“Idon’twanttoseemyselfdie,”Iyelledback.
Ifeltherlaughagainstme,andheramusementhadmepryingoneeyeopenandthentheother.
Myheartdidaslowrollinmychest
Weweresuspendedabovetheearth.Autumnrolledoutinacarpetofreds,oranges,andgoldsthatwentonforeverbeneathus.Ribbonsofriver,gridsofroads,thesmoothriseandfallofmountainsallformedapatchworkquiltofnatureandcivilizationthousandsoffeetbelow.
Itdidn’tfeellikewewerecareeningtoourdeaths.Itfeltlikeweweresuspendedintime.Likegodssurveyingtheworldthey’dcreated.Aboveit.Apartfromit.
Abird’s-eyeview.Thebigpicture.Therewasnothingbetweenmeandtheentireworld,anditwasfuckingbreathtaking.
Theworldwasn’tdarkandterrifying.Itwasbeautyunfoldingallaroundus.
“Well?”Linademandedinmyear,herhandssqueezingmyarms.
IgavetheonlyanswerIcould.
“Holyshit.”Myroaroflaughterwasinstantlyswallowedupbythewind.
“Iknewyou’dloveit!”
Iwrappedmyhandsaroundhersonthestrapsandsqueezed.“Thisisfuckingamazing.You’refuckingamazing!”
Linawhoopedtriumphantlyintothewind.
Ifollowedsuit,revelingwhenthesoundwassnatchedfrommythroat.
“Readyforthebestpart?”sheasked.
“What’sthebestpart?”Iyelledback.
I’dbarelygottenthewordsoutwhenthefreefallstoppedabruptlyandwewerejerkedupandback.Onesecond,wewereflying,bellydown,andthenext,weweresuspendedlikemarionettesasabrightredparachutebillowedintobeingaboveus.
Therushofthewindinmyearsstoppedinstantly,leavingnothingbutanunearthlysilence.
Weweresofarfromeverythingthatseemedsoimportantonearth.Uphere,wewereremovedfromtheminutiaeofdailylife.Herewasonlysilence,peace,andbeauty.
EmotionsthatI’dthoughtlongdeadwelledupinsideme,cloggingmythroat,makingmyeyesstingbehindtheirgoggles.
“Iwantedyoutoseethis.Tofeelit,”Linasaid.
Icouldhavemissedthis.Icouldhavediedthatnight.Icouldhavechosentogiveuponher,onus.Icouldhavesaidnoontheground.Butinstead,everythinghadledmetothismoment.ToLinaSolavita.
Iwasawestruck.
“Thisis…Ican’tbelieveI’msayingthis,butI’mgladyoudidn’thavesexwithmethismorning.”
Herlaughwasmusicinthesilence.
“Wannaknowasecret?”sheasked.
“Youhavemore?”Iquipped.
“Idon’tjumpfortherush.Ijumpforthis.Everythingmakessenseuphere.Everythingisalwaysbeautifulandquiet.AndIrememberthat,evenaftermyfeettouchtheground.”
Igotitthen.Reallygotit.
Ilovedher.Iwasn’tusingherassomecrutchtoavoidtheworld.Shewasreintroducingittomeoneexperienceatatime.
MyheartbelongedtothiswomanandIwasgoingtogobuyherthebiggestfuckingringIcouldfind.FORTY-SIX
BLAMETHECANDYPENISES
Lina
“Youdidn’tkickhimintheballsforthat?”Sloanedemanded.Shewassittingcross-leggedonNaomi’slivingroomfloor,stuffingpouchesofflowerseedsintominiburlapbags.
Inanattempttobeabetter,morevulnerablefriend,IwasrecappingmyrelationshipdramaforNaomi,Sloane,LizaJ,andAmandaduringwhatappearedtobethelamestbachelorettepartyinhistory.
Therehearsalandensuingdinnerwereover.Inlessthantwenty-fourhours,NaomiwouldbeMrs.KnoxMorgan,andNashandIwouldhopefullybehavingtipsysexinaclosetduringthereception
Butfornow,wewereputtingthefinishingtouchesontheguestfavorsandwatchingthebridepanicaboutlastminuteRSVPsinherlivingroom.PiperandtherestofthedogswereoutsiderunningofftheeveningcrazywithWaylay.
“Icouldn’t,”Iconfessed.“Hewasalreadyhurtingandthatmademehurt.Itwasbasicallyhorrible.Whypeopledorelationshipsisbeyondme.Nooffense,”IsaidtoNaomi.
Shegrinned.“Nonetaken.That’showitwaswithKnox.IknewhewasstrugglingwithsomethingIcouldn’tfix.Notevenwithakicktothetesticles.”
“Whatdidyoudo?”Iasked,closingoneoftheburlapbagswitharust-coloredribbon.I’darrivedintownpost-breakup,mid-fallout,anddidn’tknowthedetails.
“Heendedthingssoabruptly,myheadspun.IalreadyknewIlovedhim,buthehadthingstoworkthroughonhisown.Icouldn’tforcethat.AndIalsocouldn’twaitaroundforhimtocometohissenses.”Sheglanceddownatherengagementringandsmiledsoftly.“Thankfully,hecamearoundbeforeitwastoolate.”
Sloaneblewoutabreaththatfoggedupherglasses.“Idon’tthinkIhavethatgeneinme.”
“Whatgene?”Iasked.
Sheshrugged.“Idon’tknow.Theabilitytotakeapunchtothegutwithoutswingingback.Ican’tjustforgivesomeoneforthebaggagethey’reluggingaround.Especiallynotaftertheybashmeovertheheadwithit.”
“Someday,withtherightperson,you’llgetthere,”AmandaassuredSloane.
“Yeah.Hardpassonthat,”Sloanesaid.
“Myboysarestubbornasthedayislong,”LizaJsaid.“KnoxalwaystriedtodistancehimselffromeverysingleproblemwhileNashgotinthereandtriedtofixeverything.Healwayswantedtomakethingsright,evenwhentherewasn’tadamnthinghecoulddoaboutthem.”
ShelookedatmeandthenNaomi.
“Youtwohavebeengoodformygrandsons.Maybeevenbetterthantheydeserve.AndI’mspeakin’asawomanwholovesthecrapoutofthoseboys.”
“I’mthinkingaboutquittingmyjob,”Iblurtedout.
Alleyescametome.
“Really?”Naomiaskedhopefully.
Sloanefrowned.“Don’tyoumakeabutttonofmoney?”
“Yes.Idomakeabutttonofmoney.But…”Itrailedoff.NashhadusedamomentofpreorgasmweaknesstogetmetoadmitthatIwantedmorewithhim.ButwasIreallyconsideringleavingmyjobandmychoose-your-own-adventurelifestyletosettledown?
IthoughtaboutNashstandingintherain,holdingontight.
Thefreefallbeforethechuteopened.
Thetip-tapofPiper’slittlenailsonthefloorassheprancedaroundwithsomenewtoy.
Thebluesteyes.
Thebiggestheart.
Iblewoutabreath.Yep.Ireallywasconsideringit.
“Wouldthatmeanyouofficiallymovinghere?”Naomiprodded.
IwassavedbyansweringwhenWaylaytrompedintotheroomwearingwaterproofbootsandholdingashiveringPiper.“ThedogsgotinthecreekandPipertriedtofollow,”sheannounced.“Shedidn’tseemtomindittoomuchuntilthecurrentgother.”
“Bravegirl,”Icrooned,takingthedogfromher.Despitehersoggyshivers,Piper’slittletailwaggedheartily.“Thanksforpullingherout.”
Waylayshrugged.“Noproblem.Whatareyouguysdoing?”
“We’refinalizingtheseatingchart,finishingthefavors,andchoosingbetweenthesethreeKnox-approvedtablescapes,”Naomisaid,pointingatthepicturesshe’dtapedtothewallnexttohersticky-noteseatingmap.“Whatdoyouthinkaboutthedenimanddaisiesone?”
“Thisiswhatbachelorettepartiesare?”Waylayaskeddisdainfully.“IknewJennyCavalleriwaslyingwhenshesaidherauntgotarrestedinNashvilleduringherbacheloretteparty!”
“Actuallythatwastrue,”Sloanesaid.“Shehadalittletoomuchtodrink,flashedanentirebarfromthebackofamechanicalbull,andthengotcaughtpeeinginthegutter.”
“Ithinkyouguysaredoingthisbachelorettethingwrong,”Waylayobserved.
“Thisisn’treallyabacheloretteparty,”Naomiexplained.“KnoxandIdidn’twantbachelorandbacheloretteparties.”
“Buttheguyswentout,”Waylaysaid.
“They’rejusthavingafewdrinksandsomebasketsoffriedfood,”Itoldher.
“Thekid’sright,”LizaJannounced,slappingahandtoherthigh.“Thissucks.”
Naomipoutedprettily.“Butwhatabouttheseatingchart?”
Amandasnatchedtheremainingstickynotesoffthecoffeetableandslappedthemontothewallinalltheemptyseats.“Voilà!Everyonehasaseat.”
Naomichewedonherlowerlip.“Butyoudidn’tevenreadthenames.Whatifsomeoneneedstositclosertotherestroom,orwhatiftheydon’tgetalongwiththeirtablemates?Wecan’tjustmakebigdecisionslikethisonawhim.”
Ireachedoutandsqueezedherhand.“Actually,youcan.”
“Whataboutthetablescapes?”sheasked.
“Naomi,it’salwaysbeenthedaisies,”Itoldher.
Shebitherlipandstaredatthephotoforalongmomentandthenhereyesstartedtosparkle.“Ithas,hasn’tit?”
Inodded.“Sometimesyoudon’thavetoweigheverysingleproandcon.Sometimestheansweristheonethatjustfeelsright.”
Iwasn’tsureifIwastellingherthatormyself.
Shepursedherlips,thengrinned.“We’regoingwiththedaisies.”
Naomi’smotherclappedherhands.“Okay,people.Weneedwine,snacks,facemasks,andonetotworomanticcomedies.”
“Onsnackandwineduty,”Ivolunteered.
“Ifyou’regettingsnacks,I’mcomingwithyou,”Waylayinsisted.
“Ifyou’regettingwine,I’mcoming,”LizaJannounced.
“TeamShoppingreportingforduty,”Isaid.
“Perfect,”Naomi’smomsaid.“Sloane,youcanhelpmeturnthelivingroomintosleepovercentral.Weneedallthepillowsandblanketsthatdon’tbelongtodogs.”
“WhatshouldIdo?”Naomiasked.
“Youshoulddrinkalargeglassofwineandreviewyourpackinglistforthehoneymoon.”InudgedthepinknotebooktitledHoneymoononthecoffeetableinherdirection.
“Idon’tthinkGrover’ssellscandypenises,LizaJ,”Isaid,grabbingashoppingcartasweenteredthefreshlypaintedgrocerystore.Itwaslate,minutesfromclosing,andtheparkinglotwasalmostempty
“Ew!Ithoughtwewerecominghereforsnacks,”Waylaycomplained.
“Gummypenisesaresnacks,”Nash’sgrandmothersaid.
“Hey,atleastIdidn’tsaybroccoliflorets,”Itoldthegirl.
“AuntNaomimademeeatbeetslastnightatdinner,”Waylaysaidwithashudder.“Beets!”
“Well,therewon’tbeanybeetstonight,”Ipromised,headingforthecandyaisle.“Haveatit.”
Waylay’sfacelitupandshestartedtossingbagsofcandyintothecart.“We’llgetsnackcakesforGrandma,andSloanelikesSourPatchKids.”
“I’llgoaskwheretheykeepthepenises,”LizaJsaidandambledoff.
“Oooh!Thesearegood.Youeverhavethem?”Shehandedmeabagofindividuallywrappedbrightlycoloreddiscs.
“SunkistFruitGems,”Ireadoutloud.I’dneverhadthem,buttheylookedvaguelyfamiliar.
“Yeah.Gettin’kidnappedwasn’tallbad.ThesearethecandythingsthatHugoguywasobsessedwith.HemustaatehalfabagbeforemymomcamebackwithAuntNaomi.Therewerewrapperseverywhere.Heletmehavesome.Theyellowaremyfavorite.”
Itallcoalescedinmyheadinaninstant.IknewwhereI’dseenthiscandybeforeandIknewwhoboughtit.
Ipattedmypocketsanddugoutmyphone.
“What’swrong?Youlookallhyper.You’renotgonnacallAuntNaomiandaskherhowmanybagswecanbuy,areyou?”
IshookmyheadanddialedNash.“Nope.I’mcallingyouruncletotellhimyoujustidentifiedourhenchman.”
“Idid?”
Nash’sphonewasringing.“Comeon.Comeon.Shit,”Imutteredwhenitwenttovoicemail.“Nash.It’sme.BurnerPhoneGuyisCerealAisleGuy.Mrs.Tweedywaswithmewhenwemethiminthegrocerystore.HewasbuyingthesamekindofcandythatWaylaysaidisDuncanHugo’sfavorite.Therewerecandywrappersalloverthewarehousefloorinthecrimescenepictures.IsawhimagainatHonkyTonkthenightTateDiltoncausedascene.Iknowit’snotmuchtogoon,butIfeelitinmygut.Callmeback!”
“Whoa,”WaylaysaidwhenIhungup.“Thatwasalotofwordsrealfast.YousoundlikemyfriendChloe.”
Iclappedmyhandsonhershoulders.“Kid,I’mbuyingyouacartloadofcandy.”
“Cool.Sowho’sCerealAisleGuy?”
“Ihopeyou’renottalkingaboutme.”Thedeeprumbleofamalevoicebehindmehaddreadsinkingtothepitofmystomach.
Isqueezedthegirl’sshoulders.“Waylay,gofindLizaJandgooutside,”IsaidasquietlyasIcould.
“But—”
“Go.Now,”Isaid,andthenIturnedaroundandpastedaflirtatioussmileonmyface.
CerealAisleGuywasdressedintrackpantsandalong-sleeveT-shirt.Hiscartwasonceagainfullofhealthyproduceandleanproteins.Theonlythingmissingwasthecandy.
“Sowemeetagain,”Isaidcoyly.“IwasjusttellingmyshortfriendhowImetacuteguyinthecerealaisle.”
“Wereyou?Becauseitsoundedtomelikeyoufiguredoutsomethingyoushouldn’thave.”
Well,shit.Soitwasgoingtogodownthisway?Okay.
“Idon’tknowwhatyou’retalkingabout.Nowifyou’llexcuseme,Ihavetogodisappointatwelve-year-old’sdentist,”Isaid.
Alarge,meatyhandclosedaroundmybicep.“Thedentistwillhavetowait,LinaSolavita.”
Myheartwasn’tjustcartwheeling,itwastryingtoclimboutofmythroat
“I’mnotafanofnonconsensualtouching,”Iwarned.
“Andmyfriendisn’tafanofyoufollowinghisboysaroundandgettingoneofthemarrested.”
“Hey,Iwasn’ttheonewhodecideditwasagoodideatobangmybrother’swife.Maybeyoushouldbehavingthisconversationwithhim.”
“Iwould,buthe’sinjailbecauseyoucalledthecopsonhim.”
“Inmydefense,thewholenakedthingreallythrewme.”
“Let’sgo,”hegrowled.
Hisgripwascuttingoffmycirculation.
“I’mgoingtogiveyouonechancetotakeyourbearpawsoffmeandleave.OnechanceforaheadstartbeforeIkickyourassandthenmyboyfriend,thechiefofpolice,showsuptofinishthejob.You’relegit.Atleastpartially.Ifyoudragmeoutofthisstore,theregoesthatlife.You’llbeafull-timecriminal.”
“OnlyifIgetcaught.Youcausedtoomanyproblemsandnowit’stimetofacetheconsequences.Nothin’personal.It’sjustbusiness.”
“Leaveheralone,yougiganticshithead!”Waylayappearedatthemouthoftheaisleandsavagelyhurledacanofkidneybeansatmycaptor.
Itcaughthimintheforeheadwithasatisfyingthunk.Iusedthesurprisecannedgoodbeaningtomyadvantageandkneedhiminthegroin.Hereleasedmyarmtograsphisballswithonehandandhisforeheadwiththeother.
“Fuck!”hewheezed.
“Run,Way!”Ididn’twatchtomakesureshelistened.Instead,Ilandedajabtotheman’sjaw.Myknucklesscreamedinagony.“Damnit!Isyourfacemadeoutofconcrete?”
“You’regonnapayforthatone,sweetheart.”
Hewasstilloff-balance,soIplantedbothhandsonhischestandshovedashardasIcould.HestumbledbackwardintotheendcapdisplayofDietCoke,sendingcansofsodaeverywhere.Ashopperholdingaboxofcerealineachhandscreamed,threwbothboxesinhercart,andthenranaway.
LizaJappearedoutofnowhereononeofthestorescooters.Sherammedhimfrombehindatfullspeed.ItknockedhimcloseenoughtomethatIcouldmakemynextmove.Ibroughtmyheeldownonhisthighwithanaxekick,makingsuretoleadwiththestiletto.
Hehowledinpain.
“Takethat,yousonofabitch!”LizaJcrowed.
Thestoremanager,BigNicky,himselfappeared,holdingamoplikeitwasajoustinglance.“Leavetheladyalone,sir.”
“Forfuck’ssake,”thebadguymuttered.Hereachedintothewaistbandofhistrackpantsandproducedagun.
Iputmyhandsup.“Easythere,bigguy.Let’stalkthisout.”
Apparently,hewasdonetalking.Becauseheaimedattheceilingandfiredtwoshots.
Thestorewentdeadsilentforasecondandthenthescreamingstarted.Itwasfollowedbythesoundofstampedingfeetandtheincessantbeepoftheautomaticdooropening.
“Let’sgo,”CerealAisleGuysaidstonily.HepickedupthebagofFruitGemsandgrabbedmebythearm.
“Umm.”Themanagerwasstillstandingtherewieldinghismop,thoughhelookedsignificantlylessconfidentnowthatfirearmswereinvolved.
“It’sokay.I’llbeallright.Gomakesureeveryoneelsegotout,”Iassuredhim.
CerealAisleGuydraggedmetowardthefrontentrance,bothofuslimping,himfromtheinjuryI’dinflictedwithmybootandmebecausehishard-assthighbroketheheelrightoff.
Itookamentalinventoryofthesituation.Gettingtakentoasecondlocationwasalmostalwaysaverybadthing.Butinthiscase,IwasfinallygoingtoseeDuncanHugo’shideout.IhadmyphoneinmyjeansandLucian’sridiculouscondomtrackerinmyjacketpocket.I’dleftavoicemailforNash,andI’dmissedacallfrommymotherduringtherehearsaldinner.
Helpwouldbeonthewaysoon.
Westeppedoutsideintothedarkparkinglot,andheheldtheguntomyneck.“That’sareallysmallgun,”Inoted.
“Toohardtocarryconcealed.Thebiggerbarrelsstickhalfwaydownmyasscrack.It’suncomfortable.”
“Badguyproblems,amIright?”Iquipped.FORTY-SEVEN
PANTSLESSANDASSUP
Nash
DearNash,
Thisfeelsawkward.Writingyoualetter.ButIguessmostthingshavebeenawkwardbetweenusforagoodportion.Whystopnow?
Thingshereareprettygood.Threesquaresaday,whichmeansI’mputtingonweight.Ihavemyownroomforthefirsttimeintwodecades.
Thegrouptherapistlookslikehe’stwelveyearsold,buthe’sassuredushegraduatedfrommedicalschool.
Anyway,hewastheonewhosuggestedwewriteletterstoourfamiliesorthepeoplewe’veletdownthemost.Lookslikeyouandyourbrotherareboth.Luckyyou.Thisisanexerciseinapologizingandtakingresponsibility.Youknow,gettingthewordsoutandputtingthemdownonpaper.Wedon’thavetosendit.Iprobablywon’tsendit.
AndsinceI’mnotgonnasendit,Imightaswellbefuckinghonestforonce.
Idon’tknowifIcankickthishabitoraddictionordisease.Idon’tknowifIcansurviveintheworldwithoutsomethingtonumbthepainofexistence.Evenafteralltheseyears,Istilldon’tknowhowto“be”inthisworldwithoutyourmom.
ButIamstillhere.Andsoareyou.AndIthinkIoweittothebothofustogiveitarealshot.Maybethere’ssomethingelseontheothersideofallthatpain.MaybeIcanfindit.WhetherIdoordon’t,Iwantyoutoknowmybrokennesswasneveryourstofix.Justlikeitwasn’tyourmom’sjobtoholdmetogetherwhileshewashere.
We’reeachresponsibleforourowndamnmess.Andwe’reeachresponsiblefordoingwhatittakestobebetter.I’mstartingtounderstandthatmaybelifeisn’tsomethingtogetthroughwiththeleastamountofdiscomfortpossible.Maybeit’saboutexperiencingitall.Thegood,thebad,andeverythinginbetween.
Hopeyou’rewell.Notthatitshouldmeananythingtoyou,notthatit’smyplacetosayit.I’mdamnproudofthemanyou’vebecome.I’veworriedovertheyearsthatyouandyourbrotherwouldfollowthepiss-poorexampleIset.Hidingfromthelight.Butthat’snotwhoyouare.Youstandupforwhat’srighteverydamndayandpeoplerespectyouforit.Irespectyouforit.
Keepbeingbraverthanme.
Yeah.I’mdefinitelynotsendingthis.IsoundlikethatDr.Philguyyourmomusedtolovewatching.
Love,
Dad
“Thisblows,”Stefannouncedfromhisbarstool.
“I’dratherbehomewithDazeandWay,”mybrothergrumbled.
“You’renotgettingmarriedwithoutabachelorparty,”Luciansaid.“Evenifyouwouldn’tletmehireanystrippersorflashmobs.”
“Orflashmobsofstrippers,”Nolanadded.
WewerebellieduptothebaratHonkyTonk,drinkingbeerandbourboninwhatreallywasthelamestbachelorpartyinKnockemouthistory.I’doncehadtoarresthalfofthePresbyteriancongregationwhenHenryVeedle’sbachelorpartyfightclubgottoorowdyandspilledoutontothestreets.
Lou,Knox’ssoon-to-befather-in-law,harrumphed.“Inmyday,wedidn’tneedbachelorpartiesoricesculpturesorengagementbrunches.WeshowedupatthechurchonaSaturday,said‘Ido,’someonefedussomehamsaladsandwiches,andthenwewentthehellhome.Whatthehelleverhappenedtothat?”
“Women,”Luciansaiddryly.
Weraisedourglassesinasilenttoast.
I’dhadalongday,andgoingthehellhometoLinasoundedahellofalotbetterthananythingelse.Thatmorning,I’dformallyfiredDiltonaftermakingsureeverytwascrossedandeveryidotted.Ithadbeenugly,aspredicted,buttherehadn’tbeentimetocelebratethewinthankstoatractortrailerlosingitsloadofAlfredosauceonRoute317.
I’dspenttheafternoonhelpingwiththecleanupandhadjustenoughtimetosqueezeinashowerbeforeshowingupattherehearsalonlyafewminuteslate.TherehadbarelybeentimetodragLinaintomybrother’sdiningroomandkissthehelloutofherbeforeitwastimetoheadoutfordrinks.
Iwantedtimewithher.Iwantednormalwithher.IwantedtomakeupfortheneardisasterI’dcaused.Buttheweddingwastomorrow.Istilldidn’tknowwho’dthrownthatrockthroughLina’swindow.Andtheclockwastickingdownwiththe“hometownhero”articlesettorunonMonday.
“After”wasnearlyhere.Theonlythingstandingbetweenusand“after”wasDuncanfuckingHugo.I’dendthis.I’dputhimbehindbars.AndIwoulddowhateverittooktoconvinceLinathatIdeservedaplaceinherfuture.
Ithoughtaboutmyfather’sletterthatI’dreadafterDilton’sofficialfiring.
“DidDadsendyoualetter?”IaskedKnox.
“Yeah.You?”
“Yeah.”
“Thisopenfamilycommunicationissotouching,”Stefquipped,pretendingtowipeawayfaketears.
“Hemightcometomorrow,”Knoxsaid.
Iblinked.“Really?”
“Yep.”
“Andyou’reokaywiththat?”We’dbothhadourownversionofastrainedrelationshipwithourfatherovertheyears.Knoxcuthishaireveryfewmonthsandgavehimcash.Icheckedinonhimandsuppliedhimwithessentialshecouldn’ttradeforoxy.
Heshrugged.“It’snotlikehe’severshowedupforanythingbefore.”
Silverappearedwithanotherroundofdrinks.Shefrownedandwrinkledhernose.“Doesanyoneelsesmellgarlicandcheese?”
“That’sprobablyme,”Isaid.
Everyoneleanedinclosertosniffme.
“I’msuddenlycravingItalian,”Lucianmused.
“It’sAlfredosauce.Arigfullofittippedonthehighway.”
“SorryI’mlate.”Jeremiahstrolledup,shovingahandthroughhisdark,curlinghair.“WhyarewesmellingNash?”
“HesmellslikeAlfredosauce,”Stefsupplied.
JeremiahdroppedakissonStef’scheekandtheybothsmiledshyly.
“Whoa.Whendidthathappen?”Knoxdemanded,pointingbackandforthbetweenthetwoofthem.
“Why?Areyougonnagivethemshittoo?”Iaskedmybrother.
Knoxshrugged.“Maybe.”
“Whydon’tyouwantanyonetobehappy?”Stefteased.
“Idon’tgiveashitifyou’rehappy.Ijustdon’twanttodealwithyouifyou’refuckingmiserable,”Knoxclarified.“Takethisdumbass.HelooksatLinawithweddingringsinhiseyeballs,andshe’sgonnariphisheartoutandaccidentallystomponitwiththosestilettoswhenshewalksoutthedoor.”
“Imightwalkoutthedoorwithher.Aslongasshedoesn’tholdmydumbasseryagainstme.”
Thesilencewasdeafeningassevenpairsofeyeslandedonme.“What?”Jeremiahasked,recoveringfirst.
Ipickedupmybeer.“Ifuckedupafterashitday.”
“Howdidyoufuckup?”Knoxdemanded.
“Itriedtobreakthingsoff,”Iadmitted.
“You’reanidiot,”Nolansaidhelpfully.
“No.He’safuckingidiot,”Knoxsaid.
Lucianmerelyclosedhiseyesandshookhishead.
“That’saninterestingapproach,”Jeremiahvolunteered.
“Ithoughthewasthedumbassinthefamily,”Silversaid,droppingadrinkinfrontofJeremiahandnoddingherheadatKnox.
“NeedIremindyouwhosignsyourpaychecks?”
“Apparentlydumbassnumberoneoftwo,”shequipped.
“ButyouhadyourtonguedownLina’sthroataftertherehearsaldinner,”Stefpointedout.
“Shedidn’tletmepushheraway.Shestuck.Andthenshemademejumpoutofaplane.”
“Jesus.Whyinthehellwouldyoujumpoutofaperfectlygoodplane?”Knoxasked,lookingbewildered.
“Becausewhenthewomanyou’regoingtomarryasksyoutodosomething,youfuckingdoit.”
Lucianwasrubbinghistemplesnow.“Youbarelyknowher.”
“Iknowher.She’stoogoodforyou,”Nolansaid.
“Iagreewithporn’stache,”mybrothersaid.
“Lina’sapeach.Youplanningonhavingmoreshitdays?”Loudemanded.
“No,sir,”Iassuredhim.
Henodded.“Good.Backinmyday,shitdayshappenedandwedidn’ttrytogiveourladiestheboot.Wejustdranktoomuch,passedoutonthecouchwatchingJeopardy,andwokeupthenextdaytryingtosuckless.”
“GodblessAmerica,”Stefsaidintohisdrink.
“She’stheone,”Isaidtonooneinparticular.
“Youcan’tpossiblyknowthat,”Lucianargued.“I’lladmit,she’saprettypackage.Butbettermenthanusarefooledbyprettypackageseveryday.”
“Don’ttalkaboutmygirlunlessyou’repreparedtofacetheconsequences,Rollins,”Iwarned.“Besides,Knoxistheonegettingmarried.Whyaren’tyouheapingshitonhim?”
Mybrotherfrowned.“Hangon.Whyaren’tyou?”
“BesidesthefactthatNaomiisperfectineverywayandyou’retheluckiestmanonearthtohavefoundher,”Stefprompted.
“Hear,hear,”Louagreed.
Lucianrolledhiseyes.“It’snotLina.It’syou.”
“Whatthefuckiswrongwithhim?”Knoxdemandedwithaniratekindofbrotherlyloyalty.
“He’sinadarkplace.Whenamanisinthedarklikethat,hecan’ttrusthimself,letalonesomeonehebarelyknows.Youputyourtrustinthewrongplace,andthosebetrayalsarenearlyimpossibletocomebackfrom.”
“Nooffense,Lucy,butthissoundskindoflikeyou’reapplyingyourshittypasttoyourfriend’shappypresent,”Jeremiahsaid.
“Listentothehotbarber.He’spracticallyapsychologist,”Stefsaid.
“Youknownothingaboutmypast,”Luciansaiddarkly.
“MaybeweshouldchangetopicsbeforethisturnsintoHenryVeedle’sbachelorparty,”Isuggested.
“Shereallystuck?”Knoxaskedme.
Inodded.“Yeah.AndassoonasIcangetherwarmeduptotheideaofforever,I’llneedthatjeweler’sphonenumber.”
“Christ,”Lucianmutteredunderhisbreath,signalingforanotherbourbon
“What’sstandinginthewayofwarmingherup?”Jeremiahasked.
“Besidesbarelyknowingeachotherandcomingfromanemotionallydamagedplace?”Luciansaidtohisfreshbourbon.
“Ifuckeduplessthanforty-eighthoursago.Ineedtofigureoutsomekindofgrandgesturetomakeherbelieveinme.Inus.”
She’syours.Makeitofficial.Lina’swordsechoedinmyhead.
“Areyouseriousenough?”Stefprompted.
“SeriousenoughtomakeBannerjeeshowmehowtousePinterestsoIcouldsaveafewdozenringdesigns.”
Luciandraggedhishandsoverhisfaceinhorrorbutsaidnothing.
“Soundsserioustome,”Loudecided.
“Sowhatqualifiesasagrandgesture?”Jeremiahasked.
“Flowers?”Knoxguessed.
Stefsnorted.“That’stheoppositeofgrand.That’sapetitegesture.YoubustingintoDuncanHugo’swarehousetosavethedamselsindistresswasagrandgesture.”
Mybrothernoddedsmugly.“Thatwasprettyepic.”
“MesurprisingMandywithathree-weekcruisewasagrandgesture,”Lousaid.
“That’sagoodone.Takeheronvacation,”Nolansuggested.“Mywifeloveditwhenwegotawayjustthetwoofus.”
“Didn’tyourwifedivorceyou?”Lucianpointedout.
“A,fuckyou.AndB,maybeshewouldn’thaveifI’dtakenheronmorevacationsinsteadofworkingallthefuckingtime.”
“That’sgood,butIneedsomethingIcandonow.EvenbeforewesettlethisthingwithHugo.”
“Gettheoilchangedinhercar?”Jeremiahsuggested.
“Toosmall,”Isaid.
“Flyherfamilyintosurpriseher?”
“Overstepping.”
“Buyheroneofthosepursesthatcostafuckingfortune,”Knoxsuggested
“Noteveryonehaslotterywinningstothrowaround.”
“YouwouldhaveifyoukeptwhatIgaveyouinsteadofputtingmyfuckingnameonagoddamnpolicestation,dumbass.”
“Pointtaken.”
“Whynotjustgetatattooofhernameonyourass?”Luciansaiddryly.
KnoxandIsharedalook.
“Well,itisafamilytradition,”mybrothermused.
AndthatwashowIendeduppantslessandassupinthechairatSparkPlugTattoo.Knoxwasinthechairnexttomeshirtless,gettinghisweddingdatetattooedoverhisheart.
“YoudorealizeIwasbeingsarcastic,”Lucianmutteredfromthecornerwherehelurkedlikeapissed-offvampire.
“Thatwasnotlostonme.Butitwasstilladamngoodidea.”
“You’regoingtofeellikeafoolwhensheleavesandyou’vegotapermanentreminderonyourass.”
ButevenLucian’spessimismcouldn’tdampenmyspirits.
NolanwaspagingthroughadesignalbumwithLouatthecounterwhileStefandJeremiahcrackedopenanotherroundofbeersforeveryone.
“I’vebeenwaitingyearstogetmyhandsonthisass,”thetattooartistsaidgleefully.HernamewasSally.Shewasinkedfromnecktokneesandhadbeenanationallyrankedequestrianchampioninherearlytwenties.
“Oh,honey,youandeveryotherwomaninthistown,”Stefsaid.
“Begentlewithme.It’smyfirsttime,”Isaid.
ShehadjuststartedwhenIheardtheclickofacamerashutterandturnedtoglareatNolan.“What?I’mjustdocumentingtheevening.”
“Maybeyoushouldtradethetrash’stacheforatat,”Knoxsuggested.
“Youthink?”Nolanasked.Icouldpracticallyhearhimstrokinghismustachelikeitwasapetcat.
“Ithinkyoucouldpulloffsomethingcool.Likemaybeawolf.Orwhataboutahatchet?”Lousuggested.
“Givey’allagrouprateifyoudodecideyouwantone,”Sallysaidoverthebuzzandstabbingneedleofthetattoogun.
IwaslisteningtothehumofduelingtattoogunswhenStefletoutayelp.
“Shit.Ohshit,”hesaid.
“What?”Idemanded.
“Stopclenching,”Sallyinstructed
Ididmybesttorelaxmyasscheeks
“Youknowthatarticlethatwasn’tsupposedtogooutuntilMonday?”Stefsaid,stillpeeringathisphone.
“Whatarticle?”JeremiahandLouaskedinunison.
Dreadcreepedintomygut.“Whataboutit?”
StefturnedhisphonesoIcouldseethescreen.ThereIstoodnexttotheAmericanflaginmyoffice,lookingpissedoffashellundertheheadlineSmallTownHero’sComeback
“Itwentliveearly,”hesaid.“Apparentlytheylostthefeaturethatwassupposedtoruntodayandpostedthisinitsplacetwohoursago.”
“Gimmemyphone.Now,”Isnapped.“Sal,we’regonnahavetofinishthislater.”
“Rogerthat,Chief.Iwon’tcomplainaboutgettingtoseethismasterpieceagain.”
Iwaitedimpatientlywhilesheslappedapieceofgauzeovertheworkinprogress.
“Holyshit.Italreadyhasfiftythousandlikes,”Stefcommented.Helookedatme.“You’reAmerica’sgoddamnsweetheart.”
MyphonewasalreadyringingbythetimeLuciandugitoutofmypantspocket.
ItwasSpecialAgentIdler.
“ThisisnotwhatImeantbylyinglow,”shesnappedwhenIanswered.
“Idon’tknowwhatyou’retalkin’about,SpecialAgent,”IsaidpointedlyasIvaultedoutofthechairandgrabbedmypants.
Nolanmadetheuniversal“I’mnothere”slashingmotionoverhisthroat.
“Policechiefrecoversfromgunshotwoundsandmemorylosstoridhisforceofadirtycop,”shereadoutloud.“IdistinctlyremembertellingyouIwantedtoknowifandwhenyouregainedyourmemory.Andwhereinthehellisyourprotectiondetail?”
Ishovedmylegintomyjeans.“YouknowwhatIdon’trecall?Idon’trecallyoutellingmeyouweregonnacutadealwiththecriminalwhotriedtoputme,myniece,andmysister-in-lawintheground.”
“Whosaidanythingaboutadeal?”shehedged.
“TheFBIhasmoreleaksthanthegoddamnTitanic.You’rewillingtolooktheotherwayonattemptedmurderandkidnappingchargestolandthebiggerfish.Well,newsflash,SpecialAgent.I’mnotputtingmyfamilyindangerbecauseyoucan’tbuildacasetheold-fashionedway.”
“Nowyoulistenhere,Morgan.YoudoanythingtojeopardizethiscaseandI’llmakesureyouendupbehindbars.”
Izippedmyfly.“Goodluckwiththat.I’mAmerica’sgoddamnsweetheartrightnow.”IdisconnectedbeforeshecouldsayanotherwordanddialedLina.Itwenttovoicemail.
Knoxwasonhisphone,presumablydialingNaomi.“She’snotanswering,”hesaid,hisvoicetight.
“I’llcallMandy,”Louvolunteered.
Lucianwaslookingathisphone.“Accordingtothetrackers,Naomiisathome.WaylayandLinaareinthegrocerystoreparkinglot.”
IhadamissedcallfromLinaandanewvoicemail.
IstabbedthePlaybuttonandheadedforthedoor,therestoftheweddingpartybehindme.
Lina’svoicecameoutofthespeaker.“Nash.It’sme.BurnerPhoneGuyisCerealAisleGuy.Mrs.Tweedywaswithmewhenwemethiminthegrocerystore.HewasbuyingthesamekindofcandythatWaylaysaidisDuncanHugo’sfavorite.Therewerecandywrappersalloverthewarehousefloorinthecrimescenepictures.IsawhimagainatHonkyTonkthenightTateDiltoncausedascene.Iknowit’snotmuchtogoon,butIfeelitinmygut.Callmeback!”
Candywrappers.
Andjustlikesomeonehadsnappedtheirfingers,IwastransportedbacktothesideoftheroadonthathotAugustnight.
Bang.
Bang.
Twogunshotsechoedinmyearsasastrangestingingsensationstartedinmyshoulderandtorso.Iwasgoingdown…orthegroundwasrushingup.
Iwassprawledoutonasphaltasthedriver’sdoorswungopen.Somethingthinandtransparentfloatedtotheground,glintingintheheadlightsofmycruiser.Andthenitwasgone.Thecrinkleofplasticwrapperranginmyheadasablackbootcrusheditunderfoot.
“Beenwaitin’forthisalongtime,”saidthemaninthehoodie.Hesneered,hismustachetwitching.
Afuckingcandywrapper.Thatwaswhathadbeenhauntingmydreamsforweeks.NotDuncanHugo.AcandywrapperandTateDilton’sfingeronthetrigger.
“Callherthefuckback,”Knoxsnarled,snappingmeoutofmyhead.
“WhatinthehelldoyouthinkI’mdoing?”Idialedagain.
“Ineedastatusupdate,now,”Lucianbarkedintohisphone.
“Someonewannatellmewhatthehellisgoingon?”Lousaid.
Lina’sphonewasringing.
“Comeon.Pickup,Angel,”Imurmured.SomethingwasverywrongandIneededtohearhervoice.
Theringingstopped,butinsteadofheroutgoingmessage,someoneanswered.
“Nash?”
Butitwasn’tLina.ItwasLizaJ.
“Hegother,Nash.Hetookher.”FORTY-EIGHT
THEYKIDNAPPEDTHEWRONGGIRL
Lina
Myjobhadputmeintosomeprettyinterestingsituations,butthiswasafirst.Notonlyhadhezip-tiedmyhandsbehindmyback,CerealAisleGuyalsotossedmyphone,watch,andcoat—withLucian’strackingdevice—inthegrocerystoreparkinglot.
Thenhe’dshovedmeintothetrunkofalate-modelsedan.
SomuchforLucian’steamofcreepersbeingabletofollowmysignal.IclosedmyeyestightandthoughtofNash.Hewouldmoveheavenandearthtofindme.SowouldKnoxandNolan.EvenLucianwouldlendahand.Andiftheycouldn’tdoit,mymotherwouldhuntmedown.
Ijustneededtokeepmywitsaboutmeandfindawaytoescape.Thisassholehadkidnappedthewrongwoman.
Peptalkcomplete,Ispentthefirstfewminutesoftrunkcaptivitytryingtofindtheemergencytrunkreleaseonlytodiscoverthatithadbeendisabled
“Damnit,”Imuttered.Thecartookahardrightturn.Ibangedmyheadandrolledawkwardlyonmyback,cringingatthebindingatmywrists.“Ouch!Learntodrive,jackass!”Igavethetrunklidahalf-heartedkick.
Overthenoiseoftheroad,Icouldhearhimtalkingtosomeonebutcouldn’tmakeoutwhathewassaying.
“PlanB,”Idecided.
Icouldkickoutataillightandsignaltoothermotoriststhattheassholedrivingthevehiclehadahostageinthetrunk.
Theroadchanged.Insteadofthesmoothglideofasphalt,Icouldhearthecrunchofgravelunderthetiresaswebumpedalong.Thiswasn’tgood.EitherDuncanHugowascloserthanwe’dthoughtorCerealAisleGuywastakingmeoutintothewoodstogivemeatouroftheinsideofafreshlydugshallowgrave.
Iwastryingtofeelmywaytotheedgeofthecarpetingwithoutpullinganeckmusclewhenthecarcametoanabruptstop.
Ifloppedbackontomybelly.Thiswasdefinitelynotgood.
Thetrunklidopened,andbeforeIcouldrollintoastrikingposition,Iwashauledoutunceremoniously.
“Jesus.Where’dyoulearntodrive?Thebumpercars?”Icomplained,shrugginghimoff.
“Quitwhiningandstartmoving,”hesaid,givingmeashoveforward.
Wewereonwhathadoncebeenagraveldrivebutwasnowovertakenbynature.Infrontofuswasahugebarn-likebuildingringedwithtallweeds.Beyondit,Icouldjustmakeouttheoutlineofasplitrailfence.
“ArewestillinKnockemout?”Iasked,fightingoffashiver.Nocoatplusahealthydoseoffearmadethenightairfeelevencolder.
Thehenchmandidn’tbotheransweringme.Insteadheshovedmeforwardagain.
“Ifyouletmegonow,youprobablywon’thavetodoanyprisontime,”IsaidasIlimpedalongintheshadowofthebarn.
“I’mcommittednow,sweetheart.Therewerewitnesses.There’snogoingbackforme.”
Intheshadowynight,myabductornolongerlookedlikeahandsomegym-goingaccountant.Helookedlikeamanwhoenjoyedmakingbabiescry.
“Yousoundlikeyoublamemeforthis.”
Heshookhishead.“Iwarnedyouatthebar.Isaid,‘Don’tmakeyourselfatarget.’”
“Idorecallsomethinglikethat,”Isaidasheunlockedtheheavyexteriordoorofthebarn.ItwastheonlyopeningIhad,soItookit.
Ispunaroundandtookoffintothedark,butmybrokenheelandtheunevengravelmaderunningimpossible.IfeltlikeIwasinthemiddleofoneofthosenightmareswhereyou’retryingtorunbutyou’veforgottenhow.
Abig,meatyhandclosedaroundmyshoulderandIwasyankedbackward.
“You’rearealpaininmyass,youknowthat?”hetoldmeashethrewmeoverhisshoulder.
“Igetthatalot.Soyou’reinrealestate,aren’tyou?”
“Shutup.”
Hecarriedmebacktothedoor,thendumpedmeonthefloorinside.
Itwaspitch-blackandIfroze,tryingtogetmybearings.“Youknowrealestatedoesn’tlandpeopleinprisonoften.Notlikeabductingwomenfromgrocerystores,”IsaidasIgottomyfeet.
“Biggertherisk,thebiggerthereward,”hesaidinthedark.
ThatwasPritzgerInsurance’sunofficialmotto.
Iheardasnickandthenanoverheadlightfixtureilluminatedthespace.Itwasafancyfoyerforabarn.Thefloorwasstampedconcreteandthewood-cladwallswerenicerthanmyplaceinAtlanta.Electricity.Thatwasgood.Maybeitmeanttherewouldalsobeaphonesomewhereinside.
OnthewalldirectlyacrossfrommewasalargemetalsignthatsaidRedDogFarm.
Realizationdawned.ThiswastheforeclosedpropertywhereNashhadfoundtherunawayhorse.HadHugobeenthiscloseallthattime?
Iwasonlyafewmilesoutsidetown.Icouldrunthateasilyundernormalcircumstances,butI’dneeddifferentfootwearandI’dhavetostayofftheroad.
Notideal,butdefinitelyapossibility.Icalculatedmyotheroptions.
Therewerethreedoorsthatledindifferentdirectionsandautilitarianstaircasethatwentuptowhatlookedlikeadarkloftarea.Definitelynotaviableescapeoption,Idecided.
Thehenchmanclampedahandonmyshoulderandmarchedmeovertooneoftheheavywoodendoors.“Let’sgo,”hesaid,openingit.
Itwasawoodenstaircasethatleddownalevel.
“Really?Abasementlair?Howcliché.”Itwasactuallykindofgenius.Findinganabandonedpropertyfarenoughoutsidetownthatnoonewouldnoticeanyactivity?Maybemycaptorwasn’tacompleteidiotafterall.
“Move,”hetoldme.
Itookmytime,hobblingdownallfifteenstairs.
Ihadtokeepmywitsaboutme.Ihadtostall.ThelongerIkeptthemdistracted,themoretimeitwouldgiveNashtofindme.
CerealAisleGuyguidedmetotheleftatthefootofthestairsandthroughanopendoorway.
There,seatedwithhismuddybootsproppedcarelesslyontopofabeautifuloakdesk,wasTatefuckingDilton.
Shit.
“Well,well,well.Lookwhowehavehere.Ifitisn’ttheleggybitchfromthebar.”
I’dbeenpreparedtofacedownajuniororganizedcrimelord,notadirty,disgracedcop.
Diltontossedhisphonedownonthedeskandchewedhisgumsmugly.
“What’sthematter,sweetheart?Notwhoyouwereexpecting?”
“Wait.Letmegetthisstraight.You’rethemastermindhere?”IsaidtoDilton,wonderinghowharditwouldbetoseparatehimfromhisphone.
“DamnstraightIam.”
Mykidnapperclearedhisthroatpointedlybehindme.
Dilton’sgazemovedtohim.“Yougotsomethin’tosay,Nikos?”
Nikosthegrocerystorekidnapper.
“Whereishe?”Nikosreplied.
“That’sneedtoknow,andyoudon’tneedtoknow,son,”Diltonsaid.
Okay.Thebadguyswerein-fighting.Thiscouldeithergoreallywellformeorreally,reallynotwell.Eitherway,Ineededaplan.
Therewasanancient-lookingmonitoronthecounterbehindthedesk.Unfortunately,therewasnophoneorlaptoporconvenientlyplacedflaregun.
Ontheoppositewallwasahugeflat-screenTVwithacouchinfrontofit.
“Don’tyouknowyouseemmorethreateningwhenyoupretendlikeyou’resoinsynchyoucanreadeachother’sminds?Haven’tyoueverseenaJamesBondmoviebefore?”
“Gogethim,”Nikossaid,ignoringme.
“Fuckyou,”Diltonshotback.“I’minchargehere.Yougogethim.”
“Youcan’tkeepmehere,”Isaid,drawingtheirattentionbacktome.
Diltongleefullychompedonhisgum.“LookslikeIcandoanythingIwantwithyouandyourbitchmouth.”
“Charming.WhyamIhere?Isthiswhatyoudotoeverywomanwhotellsyoutogrowupandbeaman?Imean,itwouldexplainwhyyouneedsuchalargefacility.”
“You’reherebecauseyouandyourfuckingfriendsaredonepissingmeoff.”
JudgingfromNikos’seyeroll,thatwasnotexactlywhyIwashere.
“Holdon.Youhadmekidnappedbecauseyougotfiredforbeingaracistmisogynist?Areyouoneofthoseperpetualvictimswhoblameseveryoneelseforwhatashittyhumanbeingyouturnedouttobe?”
“Toldyouarockthroughherwindowwasn’tgonnacutit,”Nikosmuttered
“You’refuckin’herebecauseyouranyourbitchmouthinthewrongplaceatthewrongtime,”Diltonsnarled.“Planwastotaketheothertwobitchesfirst.Tina’skidandhertight-assedtwin.Butyoujusthadtogoandmakeyourselfashiniertarget,shoppingbyyourselfandfiguringthingsout.”
IglancedatNikos.He’dseenWaylaywithme.Hecouldhaveeasilytakenusboth.Well,noteasily.Istillhadanotherstilettoandhestillhadanotherleg.Buthe’ddecidedagainstkidnappingachild.Maybehewasn’ttheworstbadguyintheroom.
NikosavoidedmygazeandIdecideditwasprobablybestforbothofusifIdidn’tmentionit.
“Sowe’llstartwithyouandthentakecareoftheotherthreeproblems,”Diltoncontinued.Hepointedatmelikehisfingerwasagunandmimedpullingthetrigger.
“Wedon’tneedtodiscusstheplanwithher.”
Diltonscoffed.“Whynot?Notlikeshe’sgettin’outofherealive.”Helookedatmewithasickkindofexcitementinhiseyes.
“Hey,asshole,howareyougonnamotivatehertolurehercopboyfriendheresinceyoujusttoldheryouweregonnakillhernomatterwhat?”Nikosdemanded.“Jesus,doyouevenknowhowmotivationworks?”
“Youactuallyworkforhim?”IaskedNikos,jerkingmyheadtowardDilton.“Iwouldhavestuckwithrealestate.”
“Idon’tworkforhim,”Nikossnapped.
Diltonsneered.“We’llseeaboutthat.”Heturnedhisattentionbacktome.“Asforyou,I’mnotamantobetruffledwith.Yourboyfriendshouldhaveknownthat.”
“Trifled,”Nikoscorrected.“Truffleisagoddamnmushroom,youfuckingidiot.”
“Fuckyou,dick.”
Diltontookhisbootsoffthedeskandmadeashowofwanderingaroundtothefront.Heleanedcasuallyagainstit,hislegsstretchingouttowardme.
“Sowhatnow?Whatareyougoingtodowithme?”
HeleanedforwardmenacinglyuntilIcouldsmellthestalebeeronhisbreath.Afatfingerhookedinthenecklineofmyshirtandtugged.“AnythingIfuckin’want.”
Ragelickeditswayupmyspine,makingmeshake.
Headbutt,kneetotheballs,breaktheziptie,run.
“Well,well,well…”
WeallturnedasafreshlyshoweredDuncanHugoenteredtheroom.HewaswearingablackT-shirtandjeanswithahandguntuckedintothewaistband.Hishair,originallyafieryred,wasnowdyedadarkbrown.Butthefreckles,thetattoos,everythingelseI’dmemorizedfromphotoswasexactlythesame.
“Yourboyherealreadyusedthatbadguyline,”Iinformedhim.
Ididn’tmissthewayHugo’seyesnarrowedatthedirtycop’sassplantedonthedesk,thedriedmudsprinkledacrossthesurface.HeprowledintotheroomandcaughtthebagofcandyNikostossedathim.
“Assoffthedesk,Dilton.”
Diltontookhissweettimecomplying
“You’vecausedmeafewheadachesrecently,”Hugosaidtomeashetookaseatbehindthedesk.
“Me?”Iaskedinnocently.Mywristswerestartingtoachefrombeingrestrainedbehindmyback.Ineededtogetloose,buttherewasnowayI’dmakeittothedoorwiththreeofthemintheroom.
“Notonlydidyoufollowmymen,yougotoneofthemarrested.Wedon’tneedthatkindofattentionrightnow.Yetyoufailedtoheedthewarning.”
“LikeItoldyourpalinthecandyaisle,thatarrestwasn’tmyfault.Yourguywastheonewhotriedtomurderhisownbrotherinbroaddaylight.Naked.”
“Goodhelpishardtofind,”Hugosaidwithacarelessshrug.
“Yeah,notsurewhatyou’repayingthisoneoverhere,butyoushoulddemandarefund,”Isaid,noddinginDilton’sdirection.
Isawthebackhandcomingandbraced.Dilton’sknucklesconnectedwithmycheekbone,snappingmyheadback.Myfacefeltlikeitwasonfire,butIrefusedtomakeasound.
IfocusedinsteadonaddingconcealertomymentalshoppinglistandimaginingwhatNashwasgoingtodotoDilton’sfacesoon.
“Timeyoulearnedsomemanners,”hesnarledinmyface,hiseyeswildandhislipcurledunderthemustache.Anunpredictablemadmanwithsomethingtoprovewasworsethanacalculatingbadguyanyday.
“Doesthatmakeyoufeellikeabigman?”Ihissedthroughclenchedteeth
“Enough,”Hugosnapped.Hepeeledopenapieceofcandyandpoppeditintohismouth.“Wehaveworktodo.Nikos,makesurewe’rereadyforourfriendChiefMorgan’sarrival.”
Withanominousnod,Nikoslefttheroom.
Iwasdowntotwobadguys,butIstilldidn’tlikethoseodds.
“You’reoncleanup,”HugosaidtoDilton.
“Ifuckin’know.”
“Getyourshittogether.Onceyou’reinposition,callme,thenwaitformysignal.Youdon’tgettofuckthisoneup.”
“LeastIhadtheballstopullthetrigger,”Diltonspat.
“Youfuckedupiswhatyoudid.You’reluckyyou’regettinganotherchance.”
“Youmighthavetopullyourowntriggersomeday,”Diltonwarnedhim.
“AndwhenIdo,I’llmakesureIfinishthefuckingjob,”Hugosaidominously.
TheyglaredateachotherforalongbeatbeforeDiltonbackeddown.Heflashedmeonelastlecherouslookbeforestormingoutoftheroom.
“FruitGem?”Hugooffered,tiltingtheopenbagmyway.
“ItwasDilton,wasn’tit?”Isaidquietly.
“Whatwas?”
“YouhiredDiltontoshootNash.”Thedashcamfootagewasgrainyandtheshooterwaswearingahoodieandgloves.ButTateDiltonandDuncanHugohadsimilarbuilds,cameinatsimilarheights.
Hugoshrugged.“Leadersdelegate.Andthat’swhatIplanonbeing.”
“Goodhelpishardtofind,”Isaid,repeatinghiswords.
“Istolethecar,gavehimthegun,andtoldhimwhenandwheretodoit.Hewassupposedtolureyourcopboyfriendfartheroutoftown,dothedeedsomewherequiet.”
“Insteadheshothimincoldbloodonthehighway,”Ifilledin.
“Can’tbehelpednow.He’sgotoneshotatredemption,andifhedoesn’tgetthisright,he’llbedone,”Hugosaid,unwrappinganothercandy.
Nervouseater.
“You’replanningtousemetolureNashhere.Andthenwhat?”
Helookedatmeandsaidnothing.Hedidn’thaveto.
Ishookmyheadasatidalwaveofnauseahitme.“NaomiisgettingmarriedtomorrowandWaylayisachild.Youdon’thavetodothis.”
Heshrugged.“Look,it’snothingpersonal.Well,Dilton’shard-onforyourboyfriendisverypersonal.Apparentlyhedidn’tlikeyourboy’sbrandoflawandorder.Ithinkhewouldhaveshothimforfree.Buteverythingelse?That’snotpersonal.You’realljustcollateral.”
Naomi,Waylay,LizaJ,Amanda…EvenifHugomanagedtolureNashhere,everyoneelsewouldbeatthathouse.Inthelineoffire.
Panicwasrisinginmythroat.“Allthissoyoucanwhat?Pushyourfatheroutofthewayandtakeoverthefamilybusiness?Whynotstartyourown?Buildsomethingyourself?”
Hisfistslammedintothedesk.“BecauseI’mgoingtotakeeverythingmyfatherowesmeandwatchhimrotbehindbarswhileIenjoyitall.Iwanthimtoknowthatthe‘sensitivepussyson,’the‘wasteofDNA,’wastheonewhomannedupandstoleeverythingfromhim.”
Mybrainwasscramblingforwaysoutofthis.“Youcan’ttrustDilton.He’shotheadedandthinkshe’stheonewhoshouldbecallingtheshots.HetriedtostartshitwithanentirebarfullofwomenandNikoshadtostophim.Youneedtocallhimoff.”
Hugogotupfrombehindthedesk.“WhatIneedisforyoutositdownandshutupuntilit’stimetobeuseful.”
Iwasgoingtobesick.AndthenIwasgoingtobedead.
“WhyNash?Whywashisnameonthatlist?Hedidn’thaveanythingtodowithyourfather’sbusiness.”
Hugoshrugged.“Maybehepissedoffthewrongperson.”
“Meaningyourfatherorthepersonwhomadethelist?”
“Guessyou’llneverknowforsure.”HecrossedtotheworncouchinfrontoftheTVandloopedagamingheadsetaroundhisneck.“Mightaswellmakeyourselfcomfortable.”
TheTVscreenbathedtheroominanucleargreen.
Ileanedagainstthedesk,mykneesquaking,stomachchurning.
Ithadtobenow.IhadtofindawaytowarnNashbeforeDiltonleft.BeforehegotanywherenearNaomiandWaylay.
“Happyfuckin’Friday.Let’sshoottheshitoutofsomecowboys,”Hugosaid.
Iblinkedandstaredhardatthescreen.Hewasplayingonline…whichmeanthewastalkingtootherplayers.
Myheartwasslammingagainstthewallsofmychest.Hewaswearingtheheadset,butIstillneededtobequiet.Ihadoneshottogetthisexactlyright
Iblewoutabreathslowlyandwatchedthescreenformyopening.
“Onyourleft.No!Yourleft,dumbass.Didn’tyoulearnthatinkindergarten?”Hugosaid,dodgingandweavingonthecushionwiththecontroller.
Thecharactersonscreenwerebattlingasnot-shootingogreandafire-breathingdragon.ThiswasasgoodanopportunityasIwasgoingtoget.Icouldn’tscrewitup.
Iraisedmyhandsawayfrommybackashighastheycouldgoandhingedforward.
AdrenalinespikedandIbroughtmywristsdownashardandfastasIcould.Theplastictiesnapped,freeingmyhands.
“Quitfuckingaround,Brecklin,andstabhiminthefuckingfoot,”HugosaidasIchargedhimfrombehind.FORTY-NINE
ASCORETOSETTLE
Nash
Twenty-sevenminutes.
ThatwashowlongithadbeensinceamanhadshovedLinaintothetrunkofhiscaranddrivenoff.
GravewasrunningthepartialplatenumberWaylayhadmemorized.
KnoxdroveWaylayandLizaJhometoNaomi.
AndIwasflyingdownTateDilton’sstreetasalight,mistyrainbegantofall.Iswungthewheelandcametoascreechinghaltatthebaseofhisconcretedriveway.Therewasashinyredbassboatparkedonabrand-newtrailerinfrontofthegarage.
Ididn’tbotherclosingmydoor,justbarreleduptothefrontdoorofthewhiteCapeCodbathedinblueandredfrommylights.
ThedoorswungopenbeforeImadeitpastthehaybalesandpumpkinsonthefrontporch.Behindme,tiressquealedonthestreetasanothervehiclecametoanabruptstop.
MelissaDilton,Tate’sprettyblondwife,stoodinthedoorway,onehandclutchingtheneckofherbluebathrobe.
Shehadtear-stainedcheeksandafatlip.
Fuck.
“Whereishe,Missy?”
Sheshookherhead,eyeswellingwithtears.“Idon’tknow,butIswearI’dtellyouifIdid.”
Iwantedtopushmywayinside,tosearchthehousefromtoptobottom,butIknewshewasn’tlying.
NolanandLucianclimbedtheporchstepslookinggrim.
“Howlong’shebeengone?”Iaskedher,ignoringthem.
“Acoupleofhours.Hepackedabaglikehemightbegoneforawhile.I–IsawhimtakeastackofcashoutofthecrawlspaceaccessinSophia’sbedroom.”
“Whatareyoudoing,Morgan?”Nolanaskedquietly.
“WherewashethenightIwasshot?”
Melissaswallowedhardastwintearssliddownhercheeks.“H-hesaidhewasworking.”
“Hewasn’t.Hecalledinsickthatday.”I’dcheckedonthewayhere.
“Hesaidhewasworking.Hedidn’tcomehomeuntillateandI…Icouldtellhe’dbeendrinking.Iaskedhimaboutyou.Iheardabouttheshootingfrommyparents.Iaskedhimifyouweregonnabeokayandhe…”Shelookeddownatherbarefeetinshame.“Hehitme,”shewhispered.
IheardLuciansweardarklybehindme.
“It’sokay,Melissa.You’renotintroublehere.ButIneedtofindTate.”
Shelookedatmewithtearsswimminginhereyes.“Idon’tknowwhereheis.I’msorry,Nash.”
“Notyourfault,”Itoldher.“Noneofthisisyourfault.ButIneedyoutogetthekidsandgotoyourparents’housetonight.IneedyoutostaythereuntilIsayit’ssafetocomehome.Understand?”
Shehesitated,thennodded.
“Gowakeupthekids.Tellthemthey’rehavingasleepoverwithGrandmaandGrandpa.Lucianwilldriveyou.I’llhaveofficerswatchyourparents’house.”
“It’sallover,isn’tit?”shewhispered.
“Itwillbetonight,”Ivowed.
Shesquaredhershouldersandnodded.Andforthefirsttime,Isawasparkofdeterminationinherprettygreeneyes.“Goodluck,Nash.”
Iturnedandhookedathumbovermyshoulder.LuciannoddedandfollowedMelissainside.
“Wannatellmewhatthefuckisgoingon?”Nolandemandedashefollowedmeofftheporch.
“Hugodidn’tpullthetrigger.Diltondid,”Isaid,slidingbehindthewheelofmySUV.“Ouch!Damnit.”I’dforgottenaboutmynewassartuntilnow.
Swearing,Nolanjoggedaroundthehoodandgotinonthepassengerside.“Whatdoesthatmean?”
“ItmeanseitherDiltondidthisonhisownorhe’smixedupwithHugo.Eitherway,he’sgoingdown.”
IthrewthevehicleintodriveandmadeaU-turn,theheadlightscuttingthroughthemistylayeroffog.
“Wheretonext?”Nolanasked.
“Thestation.”
“We’recoordinatingwiththestatepoliceandsettinguptrafficstopshere,here,andhere,”OfficerBannerjeesaid,pointingatthemapaswewalkedintothestation.ItlookedlikeeveryfirstresponderinKnockemoutwasalreadyhere.“AllunitshavebeenadvisedtobeonthelookoutforLinaSolavita,theunsub,andatan2020FordFusion.”
Linawasouttheresomewhere,inthedark,inthecold.AndIwasn’tgoingtofuckingrestuntilIfoundher.
IopenedthefolderonGrave’sdeskandsnatchedthefirstpieceofpaperoutofit,thenheadeduptotheboard.TashisteppedasideasIstuckTateDilton’sphotonexttoLina’s.
Aroundofwhispersrolledthroughthecrowd.
“AllofficerswillbeonthelookoutforTateDilton,formerpoliceofficer.He’swantedforattemptedmurderofalawenforcementofficer,domesticviolence,andassault.AnyonewithinformationonDilton’swhereaboutsneedstotalktome.”
Ididn’twaitforquestions.Iheadedstraightforthearmory.Nolanwasstillonmyheels.
“What’stheplan?”heaskedmewhenIhandedhimashotgun.
“WeknockonthedoorsofeveryoneofDilton’sfuckingfriendsuntilwefindsomeonewhoknowswherethehellheis.Wefindhim,we’llfindLina.”
“WhataboutHugo?”
Ishookmyheadandthrewtwomagazinesandacoupleboxesofbulletsintoaduffelbag.“Don’tknowifhe’spartofthisorifitwasallDiltonfromthestart.Butmygutsaysthey’reinthisshittogether.”
Nolancalmlyloadedtheshotgunandthrewanotherboxofbulletsintoabag.“Thinkshe’smadethemregretityet?”heasked.
MylipsquirkedasItossedtwomoreboxesofammoinside.“Iguaran-damn-teeit.”
“Ballretrievalsurgeriesaregonnabeatanall-timehighinthisstateaftertonight,”hepredicted.
Izippedthebagshutandlookedathim.“Youdon’thavetocome,”Itoldhim.
“Fuckoff.”
“I’mnotdoingthisbythebook.I’mnotgoingtofollowfuckingprotocol.I’lldowhateverittakestogetherback.”
“Thenleadtheway.”
Wecutthroughthebullpenandalmostmadeittothedoorwhenitopened.WylieOgdenenteredwearingoneofthedepartment’soldrainslickers.
“Nash.Imean,Chief,”hesaid.HelookedolderthanI’deverseenhim.Hisfacewasdrawnandpale.“IjusttalkedtoMelissaandshetoldmewhat’sgoin’on.”Heshookhishead.“Ididn’tknow.Hadnoidea.Wewerefriends,but…Iguessyouneverreallyknowanyone.Itain’tright.Whathedidtoyou,tohiswife.”
“No,it’snot,”Isaidstonily.
“I’mheretolendahandwhereverIcan,”hesaid.“Makethingsright.”
“SeeBannerjeeforanassignment,”Isaid,thensteppedaroundhimandheadedfortheparkinglot.
IopenedthehatchoftheSUV,andwhileNolantossedthebagsinside,Iloadedasecondshotgun,thenstrappedtwofullclipstomybelt.
Myphonerang.
Lucian.
“AnyproblemsgettingMelissaandthekidstoherparents?”Iasked.
“No.They’resafeandthere’sapatrolcaralreadyinthedriveway.ButIthoughtyoushouldknowKingSchlong85justloggedintoDragonDungeonQuest,”Luciansaid.“MyteamisrunningatraceontheIPaddress.They’venarroweditdowntowithinfivemilesofhere.”
Fuck.IfDuncanHugowasclose,thatcouldn’tbeacoincidence.
IchamberedaroundinmyGlockandholsteredit.“Letmeknowwhenyoufindhim.”
“Ifwefindhimthisway,itwon’tholdupincourt,”Lucianwarned.
“Idon’tcare.I’mnotbuildingacase.I’msettlingafuckingscore.Findhim,”Iordered.FIFTY
BRECKLINISTHEWORST
Lina
Myfirstattemptatchokingsomeoneouthadn’tgonewell.ButIhadmanagedtostealtheheadset,inflictsomewindpipedamage,andgetoutoftheroombeforehecouldpullagunonme,soitwasn’tatotalfail.
IheardhimyellingwhenIhitthestairstothesecondfloorandhopedthathewascallingNikosandDilton.Ifthethreeofthemwerebusylookingforme,theycouldn’tgoonamurderspree
IburstintothefoyerwhereNikosandIhadenteredandlookedaround.Icouldmakearunforitoutside,butmorethananescaperoute,IneededaphoneorsomewaytocontactNash.IproppedopentheexteriordoortomakethemthinkI’dmadeabreakforit,thenchoseadooratrandom.Itledtoalong,darkhallway.
IwasusingmyhandstoguidemedownthehallasquicklyaspossiblewhenIheardsomething.
Afarawayvoicecomingfrom…myhand
Holy.
Shit.
Duncan’sgamerheadsetwasstillconnectedtotheWi-Fisignal.
Islippeditovermyhead,wrenchedopenthedoorclosesttotheofficedownstairs.IfIcouldstayhiddenandconnectedtoWi-Fi,Icouldcallforhelp.
“Hello?Canyouhearme?”Iwhisperedintothemicrophone.
“What’swiththeheavybreathing?Didsomeoneletacreeperperveintothequest?”Anunfamiliar,childlikevoicesaidinmyear.
IheardthedoorI’denteredthroughbangopen.
“Shit,”Imuttered.
Myhandsfoundanotherwoodendoorjustasthelightsinthehallwayblazedon.
IcaughtaglimpseofafuriousHugorunningtowardmebeforeIshoulderedmywaythroughthedoor.
Thedoor—thankyou,luckystars—hadadeadboltontheinside.Itwouldn’tholdhimlong,butitwouldatleastslowhimdown.Isliditinplacejustasthedoorhandlejiggled.
“Thelongeryoumakemechaseyou,themoreI’llletDiltonhurtyou,”hesnarledfromtheothersideofthewood.
Ihurriedawayfromthedoor,holdingthemicrophoneclosetomymouth.“Hello?Isanyonethere?”IsaidasloudasIdared.
Theflooringwasdifferentinhere.Itfeltlikebrickandtherewerewindowshighuponbothwalls.Itwasadark,cavernousspacewithwhatIrealizedwereadozenhorsestallsdivideddownthemiddlebyawidebrickaisle.
“Areyougonnastopscrewingaround,KingSchlong,andhelpuskilltheseogres,oramIgonnaneedtousemystunnerspellonyouagain?”
Itwasachild’svoice.Fromthesoundofit,anannoyingchild.
“MynameisLinaSolavitaandI’mbeingheldatgunpointbyTateDiltonandDuncanHugoatRedDogFarminKnockemout,Virginia,”IwhisperedintothemicasIhustleddowntheaislebetweenthestalls.
Thedoorknobjiggledbehindmeandthentherewasaloudthud.
Isprintedtotheendofthedarkroomandranintoachest-highwoodenwall,knockingthewindoutofmyself.
“Ow.Fuck,”Iwheezed.
“Isthisreal?”asnottyprepubescentvoicedemanded.
“It’sprobablyjustKingSchlongmessingwithus,Brecklin,”anotherkidsaid.
“Listen,Brecklin,doyourparentsknowyou’replayingonlinevideogameswithacriminal?”IhissedasIgotbacktomyfeet.
Anotherloudthudcamefromthefarendoftheroom,accompaniedbythesplinteringofwood.Itsoundedanawfullotlikeabodytryingtobreakdownadoor.
HewascomingandIdidn’thavetimetofindawayout.MyonlyoptionwastohideaslongasIcouldbeforemakingmystandhere.
“Narc,”akidmutteredinmyear.
“OhmyGod.IsweartoyouonJustinBieberorBillieEilishorwhoeveryou’reinto,I’mtellingthetruth.Ineedoneofyoutocall911now.”
Therewasanotherloudthumpandmorewoodgaveway.
Aloudbing-bongnoiseintheheadsetstartledme.
“Jesus.Whatthehellwasthat?”Iwhispered.
“Chillout,lady.WittyInPinkjustjoinedourquest,”Brecklinsaid.
“I’llchilloutafteryoucall911!”
“Lina?”
Thefamiliarvoicealmostbroughttearstomyeyes.“Waylay?”
“Whereareyou?”
“I’mclose.Areyousafe?IsNaomisafe?Whatthehellareyoudoingonhere?”
“AfterUncleNashcalledandaskedmewhatDuncanHugo’susernamewas,IfiguredImightbeabletohelpfindhimthroughthegame.”
“Waylay,youbeautifullittlegenius!I’mvery,veryproudofyouandalsoyou’reprobablyinhugeamountsoftrouble.”
“Yeah.Ifigured,”shesaid,soundingboredbytheconcept.
“Listentome,youneedtocallyouruncleNashandtellhimthatDuncanHugoissendingTateDiltontoyourhouseto…”
HowwasIsupposedtotellatwelve-year-oldsomeonewantedtomurderher?
“TotakeoutmeandAuntNaomi?”sheguessed.
“Whoa,”oneoftheotherkidsgasped.
ThistimewhenHugohitthedoor,brokenpiecesofwoodfelltothefloor.
“Shit,yeah.Listen,I’mtryingtodistractthem,butNashcan’tcomehere,becausethey’resettingatrapforhim.Heneedstogotoyourhouseandmakesureyou’resafe.”
“Whereareyou?”Waylaydemanded.
“Itdoesn’tmatter.JusttellhimthatIlovehim.”
“She’satRedDogFarm,”Brecklin’ssnottylittlevoiceannounced.
“Shutup,Brecklin!”Ihissed.
Twoshotsrangout.
“Readyornot,hereIcome,”Hugosangasthedoorsmashedopen.
Ichoseastallatrandomandyankedthebottomhalfofthedoorclosedbehindmeasquietlyaspossible.
“Listen,Igottago.Duncaniscoming.TateDiltoniswithhim,”Iwhispered,easingdeeperintothestalltoduckbehindastackofplastictubs.“TellNashIlovehim.”
“Wha—”
“Break—up…”
Crap.TheWi-Fisignalwasweakening.Icrawledforwardonmyhandsandkneestowardthestalldoor.
“You’resupposedtosayAFK,”Brecklin’ssnootyvoicecrackledinmyear.“Itmeansawayfromkeyboard.”
“Idon’thaveagoddamnkeyboard,Brecklin!”Ihissed.
Buttherewasonlysilenceinmyearasthesignaldroppedagain.
Great.Iwastedmylastwordsyellingatachild.Ohwell.She’ddeservedit.
“Youcan’thideinhereforever.”Hugo’svoiceechoedeerilythroughthespace.
Iflattenedmyselfagainstthewallandrealizeditwascoolandsmooth.Liketile.
Memoriesofmyshort-livedexperienceatsummerhorsecampsurfaced.Iwasinthewashstall,essentiallyashowerforhorses.
AsthesolesofHugo’sshoesscuffedagainstthebrick,myfingersfoundwhattheywerelookingfor.Horseswerebathedwithahoseandnozzle,butsomestableshadpressurewasherwandsinstalledforcleaningthestallitself.
Aloudcrashscaredthebejeezusoutofme.Itwasthesoundofwoodandmetalcrashingintostone.Ifumbledthehoseandsmackedmyelbowoffthefaucet.Painradiatedupmyarm.
Aflashlightbeamcutthroughthedark.“Notinthisone,”Hugosangtohimself.
Therewasanothercrash,thisonealittlecloser.
Hewasyankingopenstalldoorsonebyoneuntilhefoundwhathewaslookingfor.
Myheartwasdoingitsbesttoexplodeoutofmychest.
Icroucheddown,tryingtocalmmybreath.Ineededtostayalive,stayhidden.Inthatorder.
Silently,Iwhippedofftheheadsetandtossedittowardthefrontofthestall,hopingitwouldreconnecttotheWi-Fisignal.Ireallydidn’twanttotraumatizeabunchofkidswithmakingthemlistentomydeath.ExceptBrecklin.Sheseemedterrible.ButhopefullyoneofthemwassmartenoughtorecordtheaudiosoDuncanwouldn’tgetawaywiththis.
Iclosedmyhandoverthefaucethandleandheldmybreath.Thedoortothestallnexttomesmashedintotheexteriorwall,andIusedthenoiseascovertogiveitagoodtwist.
Pleaselettherebewater.Pleaselettherebewater.
HewascloseenoughthatIcouldhearhisheavybreathing.
Nowornever.IhadtotimeitperfectlyorI’dneverhavethechancetotellNashtohisstupidlyhandsomefacethatIlovedhim.
Thedoortomyhideawayyankedopenandsplinteredagainsttheexteriorwall.Ididn’thesitate.Astheflashlightbeamsweptoverme,Igrippedthewandandsqueezedthetrigger.
Agunshotrangout.FIFTY-ONE
WHENDIDYOUSTABHIMWITHAPITCHFORK?
Nash
Afamiliarpickuptrucksquealedintothestation’sparkinglot,sendingwatereverywhereasitsheadlightsslashedacrossus.Knoxgotoutandslammedthedoor.Hestrodeuptome,hisjawtight.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?YouneedtostaywithNaomiandWay,”Isaid.
Heshookhishead.“I’mwithyou.”
“Iappreciatethat,butyouneedtokeepthemsafe.Hugocoulddecidetomoveonthemtonight.”
Knoxcrossedhisarms.“Lou’sgottwoshotguns.LizaJdustedoffPop’srifle.Stefismixingdrinksandhandingoutpepperspray.JeremiahandWaylayaremarchingaroundwithouroldLittleLeaguebats.”
“You’regettingmarriedtomorrow.”
“NotwithoutyouandnotwithoutLina.CallNaomiifyoudon’tbelieveme.Thisweddingonlyhappenswithusall.”
“Chief?”Graveappearedinthedoor.“FordFusionbelongstoMarkNikos.GuyleasescommercialpropertiesbetweenhereandDC.He’sgotalocaladdress.Haditsincethissummer.Gottwopatrolcarsswingingbyhisplacenow.”
Inodded.“Thanks,Grave.”
Hewouldn’tbethereandneitherwouldLina,soIwasn’twastingmytimedottingthosei’s.
Iturnedbacktomybrother.“Thisisyourshotatsomethinggood.You’renotfuckingituptoplaybigbrother.Nottonight.”
Hegrippedmygoodshoulder.“Youhadmybacklasttime.You’renotgoingouttherewithoutme.”
“Lookslikethethreeofusaregoin’tojailtogether,”Nolansaid.
“Forfuck’ssake,”Imuttered.Ipulledoutmyphoneanddialed.
“What?”Luciandemanded.
“IneedyoutogotoKnox’sandkeepeveryonetherealive.”
“Ihaveasecurityteamenroute.”
“Great.AndnowIneedyoutobetheresincemyidiotbrotherisstandinghereintheparkinglotwithme.”
LuciansworecolorfullyandIheardthetelltalesnickofhislighter.“I’llbethereinfiveminutes.”
Iheardabeepandlookedatmyscreen.Naomi.
“Igottago.Ihaveanothercall,”ItoldLuciananddisconnected.“Naomi,Idon’thaveanyupdatesbutwe’redoingeverything—”
“UncleNash?IknowwhereLinais.”
“IseearedneckpickupwithsmokestacksandagoldFordFusionparkednexttothebarn,”Nolanreported.Hewasonhisbellyattheedgeofthetreeline,peeringthroughbinoculars.
ThankstoWaylay’sheads-up,we’daccessedthepropertythroughthewoods,comingupbehindthehouseandbarn.Therainhadbroughtwithitathickfogthatlaylikeablanket,makingthepropertylookghostly.
“DiltonandthecarthattookLina,”Isaid,tryingtoputalidontheemotionsthatwereboilingupinsideme.
KnoxandIexchangedalook.Forbetterorworse,themenwewerelookingforwerehere.Andnoneofthemweregettinganotherchancetohurtsomeoneweloved.
“Igotmovement,”Nolansaidquietly.
Westilledandpeeredthroughtherainandgloom.
“Bigguy.Justburstoutoftheopensidedoor.Gundrawn.He’slookingaround.”
“Forus?”Knoxasked.
Weweretwohundredyardsaway,butmyearsstillpickedupafaintsound.Itsoundedlikesomeoneshouting.Wewatchedasthemanranbackinside.
“Lina,”Isaid.
Nolangrinned.EvenKnox’smouthmanagedtocurve.“Betshe’sgivin’themhell,”hepredicted.
“TellLucianDilton’sstillhere,”Itoldmybrother.“I’llcallforbackup.”
IwasjustdialingGravewhenthegunshotrangout.
Myheartstopped.Mybrainemptied.Theonlythingleftwasinstinct.Iwasonthemove,racingthroughwaisthighovergrowth.
IheardKnoxandNolanbehindme,butIwasn’tgoingtowait.NotwithLinainside.
Icoveredthedistancetothebarneasily,vaultedoverthefence,andrememberedtoleadwithmygoodshoulderwhenIsmashedthroughthedoor.
ItgavewayeasilyandIpausedlongenoughtoclearthefoyerbeforemovingon.Twodoorswereopen.Oneleddownstairs,theothertoalonghallway.
Linawouldn’tletherselfbetrappedinabasementwithnoeasyescape,soItookthehallwayatadeadrun.Somethingtickledatmygut.Iduckedjustasadooronmyrightopenedandahugefistswungatme.
IrammedMarkNikos,themanwho’ddraggedmywomanoutofagrocerystoreandthrownherinthetrunkofacar,withmynot-so-goodshoulder,catchinghimintheribsandknockinghimbackintothedoorframe.
“Gothim.Go,”mybrothersaidbehindme.Ididn’tevenbotherlookingback.IfKnoxsaidhehadhim,hedid.
IcontinueddownthehalluntilIreachedanopendoorway.Thedooritselfwascrackedanddented,itshardwareuselessonthefloor.
Ifeltforlightswitchesandfoundarowofthem.Iflippedthemallandracedintotheilluminatedstable.Thegatestoeachstallontheleft-handsidewereopenontheirhinges.
Ididafastsweepofeachstall,hurryingdowntheline.Shewashere.Shewasclose.Shehadtobe.Icouldfeelit.
“What’sthat?”Nolandemanded,catchinguptome.Webothlookeddownattheliquidpoolingonthebrickoutsidethenexttolaststall.Inthemiddleofitwasasingleshellcasing.
Forasplitsecond,myheartstopped.ThenIheardafainthissandspottedthewandandhose,stillsprayingafinemistofwater.
“Water,”Irasped.
“Twosetsoffootprints,”Nolanobserved.
Wefollowedthemtowheretheyseemedtojumbleandcombineagainstthestonewall.Discardedinthemiddleofthewetprintswasapitchfork.Thetineswerestainedred.Therewererusty,reddropletsdottingthefloor.
“BetyouahundredbucksLinastabbedhimwiththepitchfork,”Nolanpredicted.
“I’mnottakin’thatbet.”Somethinglikepridepushedatthebubbleoffearinmychest.LinacouldandwouldhandleherownuntilIfoundher.
Wefollowedthetrailofbloodandwatertotheendoftheroom.Atallwoodenfencewithagateopenedintoanotherdarkenedspace.
Lightfromthestablesspilledintothepitch-black,andIcouldseethefloorwascoveredinathicklayerofsawdust.
“Ithinkit’sanindoorridingring,”Nolansaid.“There’sgottabeaswitcharoundheresome—”
Therewasanoiseinthedark.Astrangledkindofyelp,followedbyathumpandagrunt.Ididn’tcarethatIcouldn’tsee.IknewshewasinthereandIwouldfindher.
“Youfuckingstabbedmewithapitchfork!”howledadisembodiedman’svoice.
“Youwereaskingforit,youstupidfuckingmoron,”Linashotbackscathingly.
Shewasokay.Atleastokayenoughtotalkshit.
“Angelina!”Myvoicecutthroughtheblacknesslikeadart.
“Nash!Getoutofhere!Ouch!Yousonofabitch—”
Iwasgettingcloser.Icouldtellbythesoundsofthescufflegrowinglouder.Idodgedmywayaroundalarge,shadowyobject.Avehicleorfarmimplementunderatarp,Irealized.Thereweremoreofthemlinedupbetweenmeandher,creatinganobstaclecourse.
Iwasalmostonthem.Icouldfeelhernearme.Andmystomachchurnedatthesoundofafisthittingflesh.Buttheensuinghowlwasn’thers.
Thelightscameon,illuminatingthering.Iwassixfeetfromher.Hugowasonhiskneesinfrontofher,bloodpouringfromhisleg,morefromhisnose
“Youfuckingbitch,”hescreechedandraisedthehandthatheldthegun.
Ididn’tthink.Didn’tplan.Didn’tcalculate.Iacted.
“Nash!”Lina’sscreamechoedinmyheadasIwentairborne.
Hugo’sheadturnedtowardmeinslowmotion,followedbyhisarm.Butitwastoolateforhim.Ihithimwiththeforceofafreighttrain,leadingwiththeshotgunIcarried.Hishandgunwentoffandwerolledintothesawdust.Irolledhim,pinnedhim,andsmashedmyfistintohisface.Once.Twice.Threetimes.
“Okay,hotshot.”Lina’svoicewassoftandcalmatmyside.“Ithinkyougothim.”
Butitwasn’tenough.Nothingshortofendinghimwouldbe.Ipulledmyarmbackagaintoletmyfistfly,butherhandswereonme.
“Morgan!”Nolan’swarningshouthadbothofuslookingupintimetoseeTateDiltonlevelinghisgunatusfromtenyardsaway.
DiltonturnedtowardtherunningNolan,andbothmenfiredalmostsimultaneously.
IwasawareofNolandroppingtohisknees,ofLina’shorrifiedscreamasIgrabbedherunderthearmsanddraggedherbehindabigbluetractor.
IpushedherdownbehindthetireandfiredtwoshotsoverittodrawDilton’sattention.Linaclawedatmeanddraggedmebackdown.Hertouchbroughtmebackintomybody.
Mybreathwascominginviciouspants.Sweatwasrunningdownmyback.Myfistthrobbed.Myheartthunderedinmychest.
“Nash,”shesaid,pressingherselfagainstme.“CanyouseeNolan?”
Iscannedthearenaandshookmyhead.“Hemusthavefoundcover.”Iglanceddown,checkingherforinjuries.“You’rebleeding,baby.”
Sheheldupherleftarmwhereapieceofhersleevewasmissing.Thesurroundingmaterialwassoakedwithred.“IhitHugowiththepressurewasherinthefaceandpulledaNashMorganwhenhefired.”
Itorethesleeveoffmyshirtandtieditoverherbicep.“What’saNashMorgan?”
ShegrinnedatmeandI’dneverlovedanyonemorethanIdidinthatmoment.“Ididjustwhatyoudidwhenyouwalkeduptothatcar.Sawthegunandturnedsideways.Thebulletbarelygrazedme.Idon’tthinkitevenqualifiesasafleshwound,butitstingslikehell.”
“Jesus,Angel.”
“It’sascratch,”sheassuredme.
“Whendidyoustabhimwithapitchfork?”
“Afterheshotatme.”
“Hedidn’tshootatyou.Heshotyou.”Myvisionwasgoingred.“IthinkIneedtoshoothim,”Idecided.
“IfyoushootHugo,IgettoshootDilton.He’stheonewhoshotyou,”shesaid.
“Iknow.”Ichancedapeekaroundthetractor’swheelandsawDiltondisappearingbehindamountainofplastictotes.Nolanwasnowheretobeseen.
“Youknow?”shehissed.
“MemorycamebackwhenIgotyourvoicemail.”
“Waitaminute.Whyareyouhere?You’resupposedtobeprotectingNaomiandWaylay.”
“Lucianandaprivatesecurityteamareguardingthem.”
“YoutwogonnatalkalldayorcomeoutsoIcanshootyouinthehead?”Diltonshouted.
Abulletzingedoffthemetalbodyofthetractor.
IpushedLinalowerandpointedatthetarpedvehiclenexttothetractor.Itwasshorterandlower.“Go,”Iordered.
Sheshookherheadvigorously.“No.”
“Getyourassoutofhere,Angel.”
“I’mnotleavingyou,”shehissed,knockingmeoffbalance.
Iwincedwhenmyasshittheknobbytreadofthetire.
“What’swrong?”shehissed.“Areyouhit?Ifthatguyshotyouinyourperfectass,I’mgoingtokillhim.”
“I’mnotshot.I’llexplainlater.”
Abulletwhizzedoverourheads,rufflingtheedgeofthetarp.
IcaughtaglintofblueasIfiredbackblindly.
“I’mnotleavingyou,”shesaidagain.
“Angel.”
“What?”
Igrippedherchinandturnedherhead.“FoundyourPorsche.”
Hermouthfellopenandahigh-pitchedsqueakcameout.
“Yougetthecaroutofhere.I’lltakecareofunfinishedbusiness.”
Shelookedtothecar,thenbackatme.“Damnit.Ican’tdoit.I’mnotleavingyouhere.”
“Youloveme.”
Linablinked.“Excuseme?”
“Youfuckingloveme,”Itoldher.
“Oh?AndIsupposeyoudon’tloveme?”
“Ifuckingloveyouback.Somuchthatwe’renotwaitin’untilafter.”
“What?”
“We’regettingmarried.”
“Peopleareshootingatusandyouwanttopropose?”
Anothershotrangout.IrolledlowandfiredonebackinDilton’sdirection.
“Yougotaproblemwiththat?”Iasked,pullingoutafreshmagazineandslammingitintomygun.
“Thisissotypicalofyou.Youwaituntilwe’reinthemiddleofaheatedsituationtocoercemeintodoingwhatyouwant.Thereareaboutathousanddecisionswehavetotalkthrough.Wherewouldwelive?Whosejobismoreimportant?Whotakesoutthegarbage?”
“Andtheyallstartwiththefirst.Areyougonnamarryme,Angel?”
“Ugh,fine.Yes.Butwhentheadrenalinecrashhappensandyourealizethatyoujuststuckyourselfwithmefromhereuntiltheend,that’sonyou.Idon’twannahearanywhining.”
MyheartleaptandIgrinnedatmybeautifulgirl.“I’mgonnakissyourealhardafter.”
“You’redamnrightyouare,”shesaid.
Iheardawhiffandaclunk.IpushedLinaflattothegroundasDuncanHugolandedface-firstinthesawdustatourfeet.Knoxappearedfromthefrontofthetractor,shovelinhand.Hehadacutonhisforeheadandbloodyknuckles.
“Nowwe’reeven,”hesaid.
“Dunc!Yououtthere?”Diltoncalled.
KnoxkneltnexttoLina.“Nolan’sbleedingbad.Gothimstashedundersomehaywagon,butweneedtogethimoutfast.”
Ilookedbetweenmybrotherandmygirl.“Gethimoutofhere.I’lltakecareofDilton,”Isaidgrimly.
“Nash,no.”Linagrippedmyarm.
“Baby,I’llberightbehindyou,”Ipromisedher.“I’vegotalottolivefor.”
“Andaringtoshopfor,”shepointedout.
“Didyouseriouslyproposeonmyfuckingweddingday?”Knoxdemanded.
LinaslappedahandtoKnox’schestandhewinced.“Ow!”
“Jesus,what’swithyoutwo?”shedemanded.
Mybrothersmirked.“Youdidn’ttellher?”
“I’vebeenalittlebusy,”Isaiddryly.“TakeherandNolanandgetthemout.Ineedtoendthis.”
KnoxnoddedandpickeduptheunconsciousHugo’sgun.“Seeyououtside.”
“Dammit,Nash.Ican’tleaveyouhere,”Linasaid,hervoicebreaking.
“Angel,thisismyfight.I’mtheonewhohastoenditandI’mcountingonyoutogetmybrotherandmyfriendoutofhereinonepiece.TrustmetodomyjoblikeI’mtrustingyoutodoyours.”
Shescrubbedherhandsoverherfaceandsworequietly.“Fine.Butdon’tyoudaregetshot,”Linasaidfinally.
“Iwon’t,”Ipromised.
Knoxtookherbythearmandstartedtopullheraway.
Herbrowneyeslockedonmineandheld.“Iloveyou.”
“Iloveyoutoo.NowgetthehelloutofheresoIcangobeahero.”
“I’mmovinghere,”LinatoldKnoxastheyduckeddown.
“Great.Whathappenedtoyourarm?”Knoxasked.
“Theguyyouhitinthefacewiththeshovelshotme.”
“Youfuckin’kiddingme?”Iheardmybrothersnarl.
IwaiteduntilLinahaduncoveredthePorscheandKnoxloadedawhite-facedNolanintothepassengerseat.
Mybrotherthrewmeasalutethenturnedandranlowtowardthebarndoorattheendofthearena.
NolanflashedmeaweakmiddlefingerasLinaslidbehindthewheelofthePorsche.Ireturneditgrimly.“Seeyouafter,”shemouthed.
IblewherakissthentookaimasthePorsche’sengineroaredtolife.
DiltonpoppedupfrombehindhiscoveraiminginLina’sdirection.Ifiredasplitsecondbeforehepulledthetrigger.Hedisappearedbackbehindthetotes,clutchinghisarm.
Hewasadecentshot.ButIwasbetterandIknewhisweakness.
“Nikos?Wherethefuckareyou?”DiltonbellowedasLinahittheacceleratorandthePorscheleaptforward.Mygirl’striumphant“woohoo”carriedtomeonacloudofdustleftinthecar’swake.Igrinnedanduseditascover.
Stayinglow,IleftthesafetyofthetractorandmovedtowardDilton’slocation.Ineededtogeteyesonhim.
Iduckedbehindasmallertractorwithapostholediggerandpeeredunderitsbelly.
Diltonwassweatingandchewinghisgumlikehisjawwasapiston.Hewasonhiskneesbelliedupagainstashortstackofhaybales.Hisarms—onebleeding—werestretchedoutontopofthehay.Inhishands,heclutchedhisprizedSmith&Wessonsix-shooter.
Ifuckinghadhim.
Itookaimandfired,sendingupapuffofrottinghayinchesfromhim.
Hefiredanansweringshotinthedirectionofthetractor.
“Dilton.”
HescrambledaroundonhiskneesinthesawdustasIstoodup.
Istaredintotheeyesofthemanwho’dtriedoncetotakemylife,andlookingintothem,Iknewhewouldn’tgetasecondchance.
“YouknowIgottakillyounow,”hesaid,gnawingnervouslyonhisgum.
“Iknowyoutriedonce.”
“Guessyoureallydidgetyourmemoryback,didn’tyou?”hesaid,gaininghisfeet.
“WhatIdon’tgetiswhy.”
“Why?”hescoffed.“Youstolethatjobfromarealmanandpussifiedtheentirefuckin’department.Ishouldabeenchief.Ididmoreforthisgoddamntownthanyoueverdid.”
“Thenwhywaitalltheseyearsbeforetakingyourshot?”Itookanotherstepcloser.
Hewassweatinglikemygreat-auntMarleenataFourthofJulycookout.
“Idon’tfuckin’know.Staythehellwhereyouare,”hesaid,holdinghisgunwithbothhands.Thelong,shinybarrelrevealedthetremorinhisgrip
“Maybeyoudidn’tthinkaboutdoinganythinguntilDuncanHugocamealongandputabuginyourear.”
“WhatmakesyouthinkIdidn’tputthebuginhisear?”
“Becauseyou’veneverhadanoriginalthoughtinthatpea-sizedbrainofyours.Iknownoneofthisoriginatedwithyou.”
Dilton’slipcurled,liftinghismustache.“Youreallyhavenofuckingclue.”
“Whydon’tyouenlightenme?”
Hewasaiminglow,theweightofthegunpullingthebarreldown.“Shit.YouexpectmetoconfesstoeverythingrightbeforeIputyouintheground.”
“Whynot?Tellmehowsmartyouarebeforeyoupullthattriggeragain.”
“I’lltellyouasyou’rebleedin’outsinceIcanstickaroundthistime.”
Iwasreadyforit.Ireadthetwitchandwatchedhisfingerpullthetriggerinslowmotion.TherewasaclickandthestupidstunnedlookasDiltonrealizedhe’dalreadyfiredhislastbullet.
Thesonofabitchnevercouldkeeptrackofhisrounds.
Asplitsecondlater,threepatchesofredbloomedonDilton’storso.Theechoofthethreerapidgunshotsrangoutinthecavernousroomandinsidemyhead.
Dilton’ssweatyfacewentslackashelookedatme,thendownattheholesinhischest.Hislipsmovedbutnosoundcameout.Theredwasstillspreadingwhenhedroppedtohiskneesandthenfellforwardonhisface.
Behindhimstoodanashen-facedWylieOgden.Hishandsshookashekepttheguntrainedonhim.
“H-hewasgonnakillyou,”Wyliesaidinlittlemorethanawhisper.
“Hewasoutofbullets,”Isaid.Idon’tknowifheheardme,becausehewasstaringdownatDiltonlikehewasafraidthemanwasgoingtogetbackup.
Irememberedthen,inWylie’stwo-decadecareer,themanhadneverhadtodischargehisweaponinthelineofduty.
“Putthegundown,Wylie.We’reallfriendshere,”Isaid,movingtowardhimslowly.
“Hewasgonnadoit,”hesaidagain.
Iheardthesirensthen,thelong,urgentwhinedrawingcloserandcloser.
“It’sovernow,”Itoldhim.
“It’sover,”hewhispered.Heletmetakethegunoutofhishandsandthensanktohiskneesintheblood-soakeddustnexttoTateDilton’sbody.
DawnwasjustbeginningtobreakoverthetreesbythetimeIsteppedoutofthebarn.Thelong,darknightwasover.Anewdayhadbegun.
Theentirepropertywascrawlingwithcops,feds,andotherfirstresponders.
Iwassurprisedtoseemybrotherpushawayfromthesideofthebarnandheadmyway.Hehadabandageoverthecutonhisforeheadandmoreonhisknuckles.
Westoodshouldertoshoulderintheopendoor,takingitallin.
“Youdidgoodinthere,”hesaidfinally.
“What?”
“Youheardme.Youseemprettyokayatyourjob.Whenyoudon’thavetherulebookshovedupyourass.”
ItwasthenicestcomplimentmybrotherhadpaidmesincehecametomyseniorhomecomingfootballgameandtoldmeIhadn’t“suckedtoobad”onthefield.
“Thanks,”Isaid.“Andthanksforhavingmyback.”
HeflashedmeaKnoxMorgansmirk.“Whenaretheseassholesgonnalearn,youdon’tmesswiththeMorganbrothers?”
“Hey,happyweddingday.”
“Gonnabethebestdayofmylife.”
Asifoncue,thereasonforthatappeared.
“Knox!”NaomiandWaylaybrokethrougharingofstatecopsandstartedrunning.
“Don’tbefuckin’late,”Knoxsaidtomewithapartingthumpontheback.Andthenhewaslopingacrossthegraveltothem.Iwatchedmybrothersweepthetwomostimportantwomeninhislifeintohisarmsandswingthemaround.
“Apparentlyyoudon’tknowthemeaningofthephrase‘lielow,’”SpecialAgentIdlersaiddrylyassheapproached.FrostedleavescrunchedunderherfeetassheleftNolanbehind.
Hewasstrappedtoagurney,ared-soakedbandagetapedtohischest,hisphonegluedtohisear.Hecaughtmestaringandpointedtothephone.
“Wife,”hemouthed,lookingdelusionallyhappy.
MylipsquirkedandItossedhimasalute.Hegrinnedandheldupafriendlymiddlefinger.
“Hegonnabeallright?”Iasked.
“He’llbefine.Missedallthevitals.Butyouknowwhatthatsonofabitchjustdid?Hequit.”
“Youdon’tsay?”
“Don’tknowwhyhe’stellingmesinceI’mnothisboss.Butseemshegotpoachedbytheprivatesector,”shesaid,shootingapointedlooktowhereLucianwasstanding,armscrossed,inahuddlewithahandfulofagents.
“Youdon’tseemtoobrokenupabouthavingtofiremyass,”Iobserved.
“Maybeit’sbecausesometimesthegreatergoodcomesattoohighapricetag,”shesaid,watchingmybrotherkisshisbride-to-beassheclungtohim.“Ofcourse,maybeit’salsobecauseDuncanHugoknewlessabouthisfather’soperationsthanamidlevelemployee,”shecontinued.“Ormaybeit’sbecauseyourfriendLucianagreedtoputhisextensiveresourcesatourdisposaltohelpustakedownAnthonyHugoonceandforall.SoyoucanseehowImightbealittletoobusytoworryaboutwhethersomesmall-townchiefofpolicekeepshisjob.”
“Backawayfrommychief,SpecialAgent,”MayorSwansonsaid.Itwouldhavebeenmorethreateninghadshenotbeenwearingjack-o’-lanternpajamapantsandclutchingaSnoopytumblerofhotcoffee.
“We’rejusthavingaconversation,Mayor,”Idlersaid.
“Youmakesureyoukeepitfriendly.I’dhatefortheseventy-twothousandpeoplewholikedthisarticleaboutourhometownherotofindouttheFBIhunghimouttodry.”Sheheldupastackofprintoutsandwavedthemaround.
Isnatchedthemoutofherhand,thenregretteditimmediatelywhenIsawthefirstfewcomments.
Hecanprotectandservemyassanyday.
ThinkingaboutcommittingamisdemeanorinnorthernVirginia.BRB.
“Christ,”Imuttered.
“IfyouthinktheFBIhasthetimeandmoneytohandlethePRfallout,byallmeans,goforit.ButI’llmakeitmypersonalmissiontogooneverymorningshowbetweenDCandNewYork—”
“MayorSwanson,ChiefMorgan’sjobisn’tinanydanger.Atleast,notfrommyend.”
Nolan’sambulancepulledawayandIwasrewardedwiththekindofsightamanwouldn’tsoonforget.
AngelinaSolavita.
Shewasleaningagainstthesideofthatgoddamnnavy-bluePorsche,herlonglegsstretchedoutinfrontofher,handsshovedinherpockets.Herfacewasbruised,herclothingwasmuddy,andshewasstandingthereinborrowedfirefighterturnoutboots.
Shelookedlikeabeautifulbadass.Mybeautifulbadass.
Shespottedmeandthosefulllipscurvedknowingly.
IsteppedbetweenMayorSwansonandSpecialAgentIdlerwithoutseeingthem
“Abouttimehegothisheadoutofhisass,”IheardthemayorsayasIwalkedawayfromthem.
Linapushedawayfromthecarandlaunchedherselfatme.
Icaughtherandboostedherup.Shewrappedherlegsaroundmywaist.
“Heythere,hotsh—”
Ididn’tletherfinish.Idraggedhermouthdowntomineandkissedherlikeitwasthefirsttime.Likeitwasthelasttime.Likeitwastheonlytime.
ShewentsoftinmyarmsandIwenthard.Thetasteofher,thefeelofher,therealityofherwastoomuch.Iwasnevergoingtogetenough.
Ipulledbackfromthekiss.“It’safter.”
“Yeah,andyou’restillbuyingmearing.”
“Youdidn’tchangeyourmind?”
“Itoldyou.You’restuckwithme.IdraftedmyletterofresignationonmyphonewhileIwaswaitingforyoutokickDilton’sass.”
“How’syourarm?”Iaskedher.
Sherolledhereyes.“It’sfine.Idon’tevenneedstitches.”
“Isaidyoucouldprobablyuseafewstitches,”oneoftheparamedicsyelledfromtheopenwindowoftheirvehicle.
Linashruggedandgrinnedatme.“Eh.Samething.”
“Ifuckingloveyou,Angel.”
Herfacesoftened.“Iloveyoutoo,hotshot.”
“Yougonnamarryme?”
TherewassomuchloveinhereyesthatIfeltlikeIalmostcouldn’tbreathe.“Yeah,”shewhispered.
“Goodgirl.”
Ipulledhermouthdownforanotherkiss,thenwincedwhenshedugherheelintomyasscheek.
“Areyousureyoudidn’tgetshotinthatperfectass?”
“Shot?No.”
“Whathappened?”
“I’llshowyoulater.First,whydon’tyougivemearidehome?”
Sheletoutalittlesquealandunwoundherlegsfrommywaist.“Ithoughtyou’dneverask.”
MyphonevibratedinmypocketandItuggeditfree.
IgrinnedandturnedthescreentowardLina.
“Whyismymomcallingyou?”
“I’mguessingyoumissedafewcalls.”
“Ifiguredwecouldtellthemaboutournighttogether,”shesaid,lookingguilty.
“Youbig,beautifulchicken,”Iteased.
Isnatchedthekeysoutofherhandandtossedhermyphone.
“I’lldrive.Youtalk.”
“Fine,butasmyfiancé,Ihopeyou’rementallypreparedforparentswithnosenseofpersonalboundariesorprivacydescendingonKnockemouttomeetyou.”
“Ican’twait,Angel.”EPILOGUE
Nash
Itwasadamnmiraclethatwewerestillstanding…letalonestandinghere.TateDiltonwasdead.DuncanHugowasincustody.Ihadn’tlostmyjob.AndeveryoneIlovedwassafeandhere.Someofuswerealittlebangedup.Butwewerehereandthatwaswhatcounted.
Mybrother’sbackyardwasdeckedoutfortheoccasionwithalittlehelpfromMotherNature.Thesunwasshining.Theskywasblue.Fallleavesshoweredtheguestsinshowycolorsasthecreekburbledoverrocksandaroundbends,addingafamiliarmusictothelivelyguitar.
TherowsofrusticbenchesfullofexcitedguestsfacedthewoodenarborKnoxandLouhadmadetogether.
Mybrotherwasfacingdownthepumpkin-linedaisle,lookinglikehewasabouttopukealloverhissuitandtie.Hehadacutonhisforehead,abruiseunderoneeye,andseveralknucklesbandaged.Imyselfwasrockingafewnewbruisesandasore-as-hellshoulder.
UnderthearborreadytoofficiatewasJusticeSt.John,whocleanedupnicelyfortheoccasion,tradinginhisusualcoverallsforacharcoal-graysuit.
Lucian,withasmirk,andJeremiahtooktheirplacesnexttome.Together,wehadmybrother’sback.
Naomi’smom,prettyingold,flashedmeanenthusiasticthumbs-upfromthefrontrow.Acrossfromher,LizaJpulledaflaskoutofhershit-browncardiganandtookanip.Besideher,Iwassurprisedtoseeourdad.Helooked…good.Healthy.Present.Hewasdeckedoutinasuitandtiethathekeptfiddlingwith.NexttohimwasamanIdidn’trecognize.
Ididn’thavetimetodrawanyconclusionsbecausethemusicchangedandthereshewas.
Linaappearedattheendoftheaisleinscarletthatdrapedoverherlikepaintfromthebrushofanenchantedartist.Shehadablackeyenotquitehiddenbymakeup,ruby-redlips,abandageonherarm,andahaloofflowersinherhair.
I’dneverseenanythingmorebeautifulinmyentirelife.
Mythroatcloseduponmeasshesaunteredmyway.AndIknewforcertainIcouldn’twaitforhertobewalkingdownadifferentaisletome.Ouraisle.
Iwantedtogotoher.Totouchher.TodragheruptoJusticeandmakeitofficial.Butthere’dbetimeforthatAfter.Wehadallthetimeintheworldnow.
Hereyeswereonme,andthatsly,knowingsmileofherswarmedeverycornerofmysoul.
Mine.
ShetorehergazeawayfrommeandstoppedinfrontofKnox.“Congratulations,Knox,”shewhispered.Hereachedoutandpulledherinforahardhug,histhroatworkinghardtoswallow.
Thecrowd“awwed”asmybrothermanagedtowhisperabroken,“Thanks,Leens.”
Shepulledback.“They’rebothsobeautiful,”sheadded.Andthenshewasstandinginfrontofme.
“Lookinggood,hotshot,”shesaid.Itwaslilyofthevalleyinherhair.Forthefirsttimeinalongtime,Ifeltthepresenceofbothmyparents.
Ishockedthehelloutofherandeveryoneelsebyhookingheraroundthebackofherneckandpullingherinforafast,hardkiss.Thecrowdtwitteredwithsighsandlaughter.
“Rightbackatyou,Angel,”Isaidafterbreakingthekiss.
Shegrinnedupatmewithathousandpromisesinhereyesbeforeshemovedontohigh-fiveLucianandJeremiah.LucianmaderoomforherbetweenthetwoofusandIfeltherhandstrokemyback.
Fistrutteddowntheaislenextinafittedgolddresslikeitwasarunway.Sheworeherthick,darkhairdowninwildcurlstamedbyaheadbandofflowers.SheblewKnoxakissbeforepeelingofftowardtheoppositesideofthearbor.StefandSloanewerenextintheprocessional.Stef,inasuit,tossedJeremiahaflirtywinkbeforepointingtwofingersathisowneyesbeforepointingthematKnox.
Sloane,inarust-coloredgownwithafullskirt,floatedtowarduslookinglikeaforestfairy.Herblondhairwassweptupandback.Aheadbandofwhiteblossomsperchedonherhead.Shekepthereyesstraightaheaduntilshegottous.
ThenshegaveKnoxawaterysmilefilledwithsomuchloveandhope.IheardLucian’ssharpintakeofbreathbehindmeandwonderedifseeingthatsmilehadpiercedthroughhisarmorsomehow.
AndthentherewasWaylay.Thatbrave,beautifulgirlwashappierthanI’deverseenherassheallbutskippeddowntheaisleinyellowtulle.Herhairwascurledintoprincessringletswithdaisieswoventhroughout.
Infrontofme,Knox’sshouldersshudderedonceashefoughtbackawaveofemotions.Heheldoutaslongashecould,breakingrankwhenhisdaughterreachedthefrontrow.Knoxpickedherupinacrushingbearhug.Waylay’sarmscamearoundhisneckandheldtight.TwotearsslippeddownhercheeksbeforesheburiedherfaceinKnox’sshoulder.
Aftereverythingthekidhadbeenthrough,itwasthefirsttimeI’deverseenhercry.
Amandaletoutahiccuppingsobandstartedhandingouttissuesliketheywerecandy.
“Loveyou,kid,”Knoxmurmured,hisvoicecracking.
Hesetherbackonherfeetandsheswipedthetearsaway.“Yeah.IguessIkindaloveyoutooandstuff.”
FiblewhernosenoisilywhileSloanestaredupatthetreesandtriednottoblink.
“Youandyourauntarethetwobestthingsthateverhappenedtome,”Knoxsaid,tippingherchintolookupathim.
Forasecond,Ithoughtshewasgoingtoburstintotears,butWaylaymusteredaninnerstubbornstrengthandsmotheredtheemotion.ShewasgoingtomakeafineMorgan.“Don’tgetallmushy.Ifyougetallmushy,thisisgonnatakeforever,andIwantcake,”sheinstructed.
“Gotit,”Knoxcroaked.
Shestartedtomoveawayfromhimandthengaveintosomeimpulseandwrappedherarmsaroundhiswaist.
Iwasn’tsureifIheardhercorrectly,butitsoundedlikeshesaid,“Thankyouforlovingme.”
Lucian,Jeremiah,andItookturnsclearingourthroatsinamanlyattempttosuffocateanyfeelings.
“Shit.”Linasniffledbehindme.Ipulledawadoftissuesoutofmyjacketpocketandhandedthemtoher.Hereyeswereglassywithunshedtears.“Thankyou,”shemouthed.
Mygirlcriedatweddings.
LinaSolavitawasfullofsurprises.
WhenWaylayfinallyletgoofKnoxandtookherplace,mybrotherlookedupatthesky,tryingtogetcontrolofhimself.Dadtentativelyrosefromhisseat.Hehesitated—twice—thenmadetheshortjourneytothearborandpressedsomethingintoKnox’shandbeforereturningtohisseat.
Itwasahandkerchief.Foronceinhislife,DukeMorganhadshownupwhenhewasneeded.
Knoxlookeddownatit,thennoddedhisthanks.
ComedicreliefcamenextintheformofWayloninadoggietuxgallopingdowntheaisleastheofficialringbearer.
Oncethedogploppedhisassdownatmyfeet,courtesyofthefancydogtreatIbribedhimwith,themusicchangedagain.AstheguitariststrummedthefirstchordsofTomPetty’s“FreeFallin’,”thecrowdgottoitsfeet.
IheardthesighrunthroughtheguestsasNaomi,avisioninwhitelace,appearedonLou’sarm.
Knoxtookonelookatheranddroppedtoacrouch,hishandsshakingastheyclutchedthehandkerchieftohisface
Fromthenon,therewasn’tadryfuckingeyeintheyard.
EvenLizaJhadtowipehernoseonhersleevebetweennipsfromherflask.WhenKnoxallbutwrestledNaomioutofherfather’sgrip,whenheheldhertohimlikeshewasthemostpreciousthingintheworld,Ihadtoturnaroundtothumbawayastraytear.
Linawaswavingherhandsinfrontofhereyesasifthebreezewouldhelphertearsdry.
Lucianstoodwithred-rimmedeyes,lookinglikehishearthadbeenshatteredintopieces.Buthewasn’tlookingatthebrideandgroom.HewaslookingpastthematSloane,whowasopenlycrying.
“Don’tyoudarefuckin’cry,Daisy,”Knoxorderedhisbride.
Naomigrinnedthroughhertearsofjoy.“Toolate,Viking.Iloveyousodamnmuch.”
ThemusclesinKnox’sjawandthroatworked.“You’reeverythingIalwayswantedandneverthoughtIdeserved.”
Naomi’sbrokensobwasechoedbyLinaandSloane.Icouldn’ttakeitanymore.IshiftedandputmyarmaroundLina,pullingherintomyside.Thedelicatebloomsinherhairtickledmyfacelikeacaress.
NaomilookedupatJustice,whowasbrushingawayatearortwoofhisown,andgrinned.“IalwaysknewI’dgetyoutomarrymesomehow,Justice.”
WiththeIdossaid,thetearsdried,andthedrinksserved,therewasnothinglefttodobutenjoytheday.
Waylayheldcourtnexttothecreekwithahugeslabofcake,herfriendsfromthesoccerteam,andthedogs.
LinawasinthephotoboothagainwithSloaneandFi.ThephotographerwasstillfranticallylookingforNaomiandKnox,whohadbeensuspiciouslyabsentforthelasttwentyminutesorso.Noonehadthehearttotellherthebrideandgroomwereprobablygettingitonsomewhereinthehouse.
“Wannapushanoldladyaroundthedancefloor?”LizaJasked,appearingatmyelbowwhenthebandshiftedintoGeorgeStrait’s“AllMyEx’sLiveinTexas.”ItwasoneofMom’sfavorites,whichmadeitoneofmine.
“I’dbehonored,”Isaid,offeringhermyarm.
Wefoundaspotonthedancefloorsurroundedbyfriendsandfamily.Ikneweverysinglefacehereandrecognizedwhatamiraclethatwas.Whataprivilegeitwasnotjusttobepartofthistownbuttoserveit.
“SoI’mjustgonnagetthisout,”mygrandmotherannounced.“Iwasthinkin’duringtheceremonywheneveryoneelsewasbawlinglikeabunchofbabies.Ifthingshadworkedoutdifferently,therewouldn’thavebeenaweddingtodaywithoutyou.IfthatDiltonassholehadbetteraim,wewouldn’tbestandingherewatchingyourbrothermarryawomanwho’ssofaroutofhisleaguehe’dbetterneverquittryingtoearnher.YoutaughtKnoxhowtobebrave.Todothework.AndI’mrealdamnproudofbothofyou.”
IwassotakenabackIactuallymissedastep.Morgansdidn’ttalkaboutfeelings,especiallynottootherMorgans.“Well,shit,LizaJ.”
“Shutup.Notdoneyet.Yourmomwasn’tyourstosave,Nash.Itwashertime.Nothingyouoranybodyelsecouldhavedonetostopit.Shelivedasbigandloudandcolorfulasshecouldintheshorttimewehadher.Weweredamnluckytogetthoseyearswithher.AndI’mdamnluckytohavethegrandsonsshemade.Idon’tknowifyouknowthis,butwhenshewaslittle,yourmamawantedtobeacop.Eventually,reallifegotintheway.ButIknowforsureJayla’suptheretickledpinkwatchingyouserveandprotectdownhere.”
Forthesecondtimethatday,myeyeswentcloudy.
“MindifIcutin?”WraithinhisformalmotorcycleleathersofferedhishandtoLizaJ.
“Yeah,we’redefinitelydonehere,”mygrandmotherannounced.ShedancedawaywiththeburlybikerbeforeIhadthechancetosayanotherword.
“Youlooklikeyoucoulduseadrink.”Linacameintomylineofsight.
“Howaboutadanceinstead?”Ireachedoutandpulledherintomyarms..“Youlookhappy,”Iobserved,movingustoaquietcornerofthedancefloor
“Imean,you’dkindofhavetobeaheartlessmonsternottobehappytoday,”shesaid,swayingwithmetothebeatofthemusic.“IjustgotoffthephonewithNolan’sex-wife.”
“Oh,really?”Ispunherout,thenpulledherbacktome.
Shelaughed.“She’satthehospitalwithhim.He’sgonnabefine.AndIthinkthere’sapossibilitythatthey’regonnabefine.Especiallysincehetoldherhe’smovingtotheprivatesector.”
“Lucianofferedhimajob.Istilldon’tknowifhediditjusttokeepNolanfromdatingSloane.”
Linatookafortifyingbreathbeforeconfessing,“Heofferedmeonetoo.”
“Didhenow?”
“It’swithhisresearchteam.Itwouldmeanabiggerpaycheck.Notimeinthefield.TheonlytravelwouldbebetweenwhereIliveandDConceortwiceaweek.”
“Soundslikequiteanopportunity,”Isaid.
Hereyessparkled.“NaomiandSloanealsoaskedifI’dbeinterestedinhelpingwiththeirnewventure.”
“Really?Whatareyougonnado?”Iasked.
“IthinkImighttakesometimeofffirst.IhaveaboyfriendI’dliketogettoknowbetterbeforeIcommittoanotherjob.”
“Afiancé,”Icorrected.
“Nosecondthoughtsyet?”
Ishookmyhead.“Ifyou’replanningonstickingaround,Iguesswe’dbetterstartlookingforahouse,”Idrawled.
Linablanchedandsteppedonmyfoot.IgrinneddownatherandhopedIneverlostthepowertorattleher.
“Youwanttobuyahousetogether?”shesqueaked.
“There’snowayyourentirewardrobeisgonnafitinmycloset.Mightaswellfindaplacethat’llholdallthosenicebagsandshoes.”
Hereyesnarrowedassherosetothechallenge.“Youknow,ifwe’rebuyingahousetogetherIguessaweddingmightbekindoffun,”shemused.
“Ithinkso,”Iagreedamicably.
“AndafterseeingKnoxandWaylay…maybeonekidwouldn’tbetheworstthingintheworld.”
“Onekiddefinitelywouldn’tbetheworst.”
Sherolledhereyesheavenward.“Howcanyoubesoblaséaboutallthis?Thisisyourentirefuturewe’retalkingabout.Realestateandmarriageandbabies.”
“Angel,aslongasyou’rebymyside,noneofthatscaresme.”
Sheshookherheadandlookedupatthecanopyoftreesandskyaboveus.“Well,I’mprettydamnterrified.Whatifyouchangeyourmind?”
Idroppedherintoadramaticdipandreveledinthewayherarmstightenedaroundme.“Toolateforthat.”
“No,it’snot.Infact,now’stheidealtimeforyoutochangeyourmindbeforewedoanythingpermanent.”
Irightedusbothandcuppedherfaceinmyhands..“Letmeshowyouexactlyhowpermanentthisisrightnow.”
“Leadtheway,”shesaid.
Iwastowingherawayfromthepartywhensomeonecalledmyname.
“Dammit,”Imuttered.
Iturnedandfoundmyfatherstandingthere.Themanwho’dsatnexttohimduringtheceremonywasbehindhim.
“Ijustwantedtosaygoodbye,”Dadsaid,shiftinghisweightfromfoottofoot.Hehadhisjacketslungoverhisarmandhisshirtsleevesrolleduptohiselbows.The0522wasstillvisible,thoughfadedtoagrayishblueonhisskin.
“ThisisClark,bytheway.He’smysponsor,”Dadsaid,makingtheintroductions.
Surprised,Iofferedmyhand.“Goodtomeetyou,Clark.”
“Youtoo.Yourdad’sbeenmakingsomepositiveheadway,”hesaid.
“Gladtohearit.”
DadlookedpastmeandofferedLinaasmallsmile.
“Dad,thisisLina.Myfiancée.”Icouldn’twaittochangethatwordtowife.Mywife.
“Ifiguredthatoneoutduringtheceremony,”Dadteased.“Congratulationstoyouboth.”
“It’snicetomeetyou,Mr.Morgan.Yoursonsturnedoutprettygreat,”Linasaid,shakinghishand.Shelookeddownathisarmatthenumberinkedintohisskin,thenlookedatme,hergazegoingsoft.
“CallmeDuke.AndIcan’ttakecreditformysons.AllthegoodinthemcamefromJayla.”
Ihadn’theardmydaduseMom’snameinyears.Maybetherereallywashope.
“Notallthegood,”Linacountered.
Hegaveherasmall,gratefulsmile.“Well,figureditwastimetohittheroad.Don’tthinkI’mquitereadytofaceanopenbar,”hesaid.
“Itwasgoodtoseeyou,Dad.”
“Goodtoseeyoutoo,Nash.Nicemeetingyou,Lina.”Hestartedtoleave,thenpaused.“I’mrealproudofyou,Son.Realproud.Iknowthatprobablydoesn’tmeanmuch.ButIalsoknowyourmomwouldbeoverthemoon.”
Icouldn’tfindthewordssoIsettledforanod.
Wewatchedthemgo.
“Youokay?”Linaasked,scratchinghernailsagainstmyback.
“Yeah.Iam.Comeon.”Iledherintothehouseandupthestairs.Therewasacheerthatwentupinthebackyard,andIguessedthatKnoxandNaomihadjustmadetheirpost-wedding-sexentrance.
“Wherearewegoing?”Linaasked.
“Gottashowyousomething,”Isaid,openingadoorandpushingherinside
“OhmyGod.Isthisyourroom?”sheasked,takinginthesmallbedunderthecheckeredcomforter,theshelvesoftrophies,andotherboyhoodknickknacks.
“Itwas.ItoldNaomishecouldredecorate,butIguessshehasn’tgottenaroundtoit.”
Iclosedthedoorandlockedit.
“Sexatyourbrother’swedding?”shesaidcoyly.“My,my,hotshot.I’mimpressed.”
Iunbuckledmybeltandshewetherlips.Thatpeekofpinktongueandwetlipswasallittookformetogohard.
“Beenthinkingalotlately.”
“Whenhaveyouhadtimetothink?Wespentmostofthelasttwenty-fourhoursdodgingbullets,”sheteased.
“EverywakingmomentsinceIfoundyouinmystairwell.”Inudgedheruntilshesatdownonmyoldbed.
“That’salotofthinking.”
“You’reacomplicatedwoman.Ittakesalotofthoughtandplanningwhenitcomestofiguringouthowtoconvinceyoutomakealifewithme.”Islidmypantsdownmythighs.
HereyeswereonmygroinandIfeltthepulseandthrobherattentionignitedinmydick.
Ihookedmythumbsinthebandofmyboxerbriefs.
“Ifyouthinkyourcock—magnificentasitis—isgoingtocountassomekindofgrandgesturethatprovesyou’reinthisforthelonghaul,you’dbettergobacktothedrawingboard.”
Shewasalreadypartingherkneesontheedgeofthemattress.Ilongedtopushallthatsilkuparoundherwaistandtakeher.ToshowherhowmuchIneededher.Toremindherhowmuchshewantedme.
ButfirstIhadsomethingelsetodo
Iturnedaround.
“Imightbewillingtoacceptyourassasagrand—”
HerwordscutoffasIshovedmyunderweardown.
“Nash!”shegasped.
Itriedtopeerovermyshoulderathertogetasenseofwhatshewasfeeling.“Damnit,thiswasstupid.Ishouldhavegottenitsomeplaceelse.SomewhereIcouldseeyou.”
WhathadIbeenthinking?AwomanlikeLinadeservedamidnightproposalonsafariwithfireworksandfuckinglions.Not—
“Angelwings,”shewhispered,strokingherfingersoverthefreshink.
Iwinced.
“Poorbaby,”sheteased.AndthenIfeltherlipsbrushmyasscheek.
Mycockrespondedaccordingly.
“Ican’tbelieveyougotatattooforme.Onyourass.Yourealizethismakesitofficial.Yourassismine.Everywomanintownisgoingtobedevastated.BecauseI’mabsolutelytellingthemaboutit.Infact,Ineedmyphone.Iwantapictureofthis.”
“Angel,”Isaid.
“What?”
“It’snotdoneyet.”
“Icanseethat.”
“Someonehadtogetherselfkidnappedinthemiddleoftheinking.Butthat’snotwhatImeant.”
“What’smissing?”sheasked.
“Ourdate.Thehappiestdayofmylife.”
Shewassilentsolong,Iturnedtofaceherwithmypantsstillaroundmythighs.“Knoxgottoday’sdatedoneoverhisheart.Familytradition,”Isaid.
Thosebeautifulbrowneyeswereglassywithtears.Herfull,redlipstrembled.
“Makealifewithme,Angelina.YoucanbeasscaredaboutitasyouwantbecauseI’mnot.I’llbestrongenoughforthebothofus.”
Shenoddedandasingletearspilledover.Icroucheddowninfrontofherandthumbeditaway,thenmovedintokissher.
Butshestoppedme.“Istillgetaringthough,right?”Therewasjoyandmischiefsparklinginhereyes,mixingwiththetears.
Igrinned.“Alreadyhaveanappointmentwiththejewelerscheduledfortomorrow.”
Sheleanedincloseruntilourmouthswerejustabreathapart.“ThenIguessI’dbetterschedulemyappointment.”
“Yourappointmentforwhat?”
“MyNashtattoo.Iwasthinkingmaybeyourbadgemightbeappropriate.”
Isurgedup,pinninghertothemattress.
“Ifuckingloveyou,Angel.”
“Iloveyou,StudlyDo-Right,”shewhispered,strokingahandovermyface.
Aloudknockrattledthedoor,andforasecond,Iflashedbacktomyteenageyears.
“Lina?Areyouinthere?”avoicecalled.
Linajackknifedintoaseatedposition.“Isthatmymother?”shehissed.
“Shit.”Istood,franticallytryingtopullmypantsup.
“Lina?Youinthere?ThatKnockguysaidyouwereprobablyuphere.”
“Dad?”shesqueaked,lookingshell-shocked.
“Maybethey’rehavingsex,”hermothersuggestedfromthehallway.
“Whydoyouhavetosayshitlikethat,Bonnie?”herdadsaid.
“Whyaremyparentshere?”Linademandedasshefranticallystraightenedherdress.
“Iforgottotellyou.Imaybekindofinvitedthem…afterIaskedthemfortheirpermissiontomarryyou…afterIalreadyproposed.”
Sheputherhandsonmychestandlookedintomyeyes.
“Preparetobesmotheredfortherestofyourlife.”
Iwaslookingforwardtoit.
Whileyou’rewaitingforThingsWeLeftBehindonSeptember5th,don’tmissNashandLina’sbonusepiloguehere!
**Ifyouarehavinganytroubletappingontheextrascenepleasetypelucyscore.net/twhftlbonusepilogueintoyourphoneorcomputerbrowser.**AUTHOR’SNOTETOTHEREADER
DearReader,
ThemoreromancenovelsIwrite,themoreconvincedIamthatlovingsomeoneisthebravestthingwecandointhisworld.
It’snotjustfallingforthebroodypolicechiefnext-door.It’sthefriendswhoshowupwithwineonyourbestandworstdays.Thenephewwhocan’ttalkyetbutmeltsyourheartwithatoothysmile.Thesiblingthatalwaysmanagestomakeyoulaugh.Theneighborsurprisingyouwithfreshvegetablesfromtheirgarden.Thehappysighofagooddog.Theknowinglooksthathavebecometheirownlanguagebetweenlong-timelovers.
Andsometimesitreallyisthesmall-townherowhomakesyouwanttotakeachanceongettingyourheartcrushed.
ThemostimportantlessonLinaandNashtaughtmeisthatthebestkindofloveistheoneyouarebraveenoughtogivefreely.Evenknowingtheycouldhurtyouordisappointyouorbreakyourheart,lovingsomeoneexactlyastheyareisthegreatestgiftyoucanevergive.
Nowifyou’llexcuseme,IhavetogohugMr.Lucyandaskhimtotakemeforemotionalsupporttacos.
Xoxo,
Lucy
P.S.Lucian’sbook?*wipessweatfromforehead**shovescomputerintofreezertokeepitfromoverheating*ABOUTTHEAUTHOR
LucyScoreisaNewYorkTimes,USAToday,WallStreetJournal,and#1Amazonbestsellingauthor.Shegrewupinaliteraryfamilywhoinsistedthatthedinnertablewasforreadingandearnedadegreeinjournalism.Shewritesfull-timefromthePennsylvaniahomesheandMr.Lucysharewiththeirobnoxiouscat,Cleo.Whennotspendinghourscraftingheartbreakerheroesandkick-assheroines,Lucycanbefoundonthecouch,inthekitchen,oratthegym.Shehopestosomedaywritefromasailboat,oceanfrontcondo,ortropicalislandwithreliableWi-Fi.
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StandaloneTitles
UndercoverLove
Mr.FixerUpper
TheChristmasFix
HeartofHope
TheWorstBestMan
RockBottomGirl
ThePriceofScandal
ByaThread
ForeverNever
KnockemoutSeries
ThingsWeNeverGotOver
ThingsWeHidefromtheLight
ThingsWeLeftBehind
BenevolenceSeries
PretendYou’reMine
FinallyMine
ProtectingWhat’sMine
RileyThorn
RileyThornandtheDeadGuyNextDoor
RileyThornandtheCorpseintheCloset
RileyThornandtheBlastfromthePast
TheBlueMoonSmallTownRomanceSeries
NoMoreSecrets
FallintoTemptation
TheLastSecondChance
NotPartofthePlan
HoldingontoChaos
TheFineArtofFakingIt
WhereItAllBegan
TheMistletoeKisser
BootlegSpringsSeries
WhiskeyChaser
SidecarCrush
MoonshineKiss
BourbonBliss
GinFling
HighballRush
SinnerandSaint
CrossingtheLine
BreakingtheRules
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