ToHateAdamConnor
by
EllaMaise
Copyright?2016byEllaMaise
Allrightsreserved
Editor:EditingbyC.Marie
Proofreader:LawrenceEditing
(www.lawrenceediting.com)
CoverPhotograph:PeopleImages/GettyImages
CoverDesign:EllaMaise
Permissionfromthisauthormustbegrantedbeforeanypartofthisbookcanbeusedforadvertisingpurposes.Thisincludestherighttoreproduce,distribute,ortransmitinanyformorbyanymeans.
Thisbookisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,places,andincidentsareeitherproductsoftheauthor’simaginationorareusedfictitiously.Anyresemblancetoactualevents,locales,orpersons,livingordead,isentirelycoincidental.
Thisbookislicensedforyourpersonalenjoymentonly.Thisbookmaynotberesoldorgivenawaytootherpeople.Ifyouarereadingthisbookanddidnotpurchaseit,oritwasnotpurchasedforyouruseonly,thenyoushouldreturnittothesellerandpurchaseyourowncopy.Thankyouforrespectingtheauthor’swork.
TableofContents
ChapterOne
ChapterTwo
ChapterThree
ChapterFour
ChapterFive
ChapterSix
ChapterSeven
ChapterEight
ChapterNine
ChapterTen
ChapterEleven
ChapterTwelve
ChapterThirteen
ChapterFourteen
ChapterFifteen
ChapterSixteen
ChapterSeventeen
ChapterEighteen
ChapterNineteen
ChapterTwenty
ChapterTwenty-One
ChapterTwenty-Two
ChapterTwenty-Three
ChapterTwenty-Four
ChapterTwenty-Five
ChapterTwenty-Six
ChapterTwenty-Seven
ChapterTwenty-Eight
ChapterTwenty-Nine
Epilogue
BooksbyEllaMaise
AbouttheAuthor
Thisbookisforeveryonewhohad—atsomepointintheirlife—troublebelievingtheywereworththetrouble.
ChapterOneLucy
Ibelieveinlove.Wholeheartedly.
Seriously,don’tshakeyourheadlikethat.Ido.
Icanpicturethoseofyouwhoalreadyknowmesnickering.Well,don’t.
Thereisnoneedforthat,andfrankly,it’skindarude,don’tyouthink?
Here,I’llsayitagain:Igenuinelybelieveinlove.Iknowallaboutitsmagic.Goodandbad.Iknowtheworldseemsbiggerwhenyou’redrunkonlove.Iknowitmendsbrokenhearts,makesyoudeliriouslyhappy,excited,hopeful…terrified,sick…awholelistofthingsthatmakethiscomplicatedworldwearelivinginabetterplace.
Forexample,mybestfriendOlive.Shehaslovedherhusbandeversinceshewasaweebittykid.SheevenaskedJasontomarryherwhenshewassixyearsold.Shewassix,people—six!Isn’tthatjustthecutestthingyou’veeverheard?Thenwhentheyfoundeachotheryearslater,hismoviestarselfsweptheroffherfeet.Loveworksforher,bigtime,anditlooksgoodonhertoo.Shedeservesalltheloveintheworld
Me?Lovehangsabitlooseonme.Essentially,it’snotquitethebestfit
So…whatI’msayingis,lovecandoanythingandeverything…aslongasyoudon’thaveacursehangingoveryourheadlikeIdo.Oh,andyouhavetobewillingtoletloveintoyourlife,openthatheavydoorthatleadsthepoorguyintothemazethatisyourheart,sotospeak.
That’sthetrickypart,isn’tit?Youhavetoletlovein.Youhavetoopenyourselfup,shareyourleastlovableparts,thedeepest,darkestcornersofyoursoul.That’stheonlywaytoexperiencereallove.Theyfeedusthatshitasearlyaspossible,orsoI’veheard.Oursurroundingsareanongoingcommercialforlove.Shareyourselfwithsomeone,betrue,behonest,andiftheyloveyouforwhoyouarethenyouaregolden.
Enjoytheconfettishowerthatjustblastedinyourface.
Youfoundreallove.Goodforyou.
Sucksfortherestofus.
Now…doIletlovein?Nope.Itrymyhardestnotto,thankyouverymuch.Beenthere,donethat.IfyouareaskingmewhatmyproblemisifIdoindeedbelieveinlove…well,ifyouaresocuriousaboutit,myproblemisthatmydearoldfriend‘love’doesn’tlovemeback.Neverdid.Probablyneverwill.
I’dsayit’squiterudeofher,but…I’vemademypeacewithit—atleastIthoughtIhaduntilIwentandfellforJameson.
Enterthehotbadboycoveredinink.Collegelove.
Ifyouhaven’tguessedityet,Ihaveallkindsofdaddyandmommyissues.Asifallofthoseweren’tenoughtofuckupmylife,Ihavegrandmaissuestotopitalloff.
Blahblahblah…
Nowyou’restartingtothinkI’mboring,andwecan’thavethat.
Let’stalkaboutone-nightstandsinstead.Thosearefun,right?You’reskirtingaroundlove,smilingateachother,feelingalldizzyandditzywiththeexcitementthatyoumightscoreagoodone,enjoythefeelingofhavingsomeoneelse’sskinonyours,hishotbreath,theheat,thatblastedblissyougettoexperienceforafewsecondswhenhemanagestohitthatsweetspot—ifhehitsthatsweetspot.Thoseareallawesomethings,Iagree.Hell,Iencourageyoutoexperienceallthosefeelings,especiallyifhehassomegoodinchesonhim.
Don’tbeabitch;beacalm,happywaterfall.
Roaratlife.Inlife.
Don’tbeclosedoff;beasfreeasaraindrop.
Mostimportantofall:live
Mygreatestadvicetoyouallis,whateveryoudo,don’tgobacktothespectacularone-nightstandyouhadjusttosatisfyyourtraitorousbody’sneedsifyou’retryingtostayawayfromlove,haveyourfun,livealittle,lovesomeoneforasinglenightandthenmoveon.Becauseifyoukeepgoingbacktothesameguy,oh,Idon’tknow…aboutahundredtimes…eventuallywhatwillhappenisthatyou’llstarttohavefeelingsforsaidguy.
Lookatthat—Ihaveaheartafterall.Didn’texpectthat,didyou?SoyoustarttofallinlovejustlikeIdid.Slowly.Atfirst,youmightfeelatrickleofsomethingyoucan’tnamebecauseofhowwellhewieldsthathugecockofhis(bytheway,that’scalledanorgasm,notlove).He’llzapyouwithallkindsoffeelingswhenheisusingitonyou.Andyes,he’llbethatgood;heartbreakerstendtobegoodinthesack.
Moreforyoutocryoverwhenthey’redonewithyou.Goody,right?
Butthenyou’llfoolishlystarttoputmoremeaningbehindtheBigOyouexperienceeverytimeheisnearyouwiththatmonstercock.Andthenhissmilewillstartmuddlingthewaters,orthewayhetouchesyourface,orthewayhelooksatyouwhenyoutakeoffyourshirtinfrontofhim—allsmolderingandshit.Thenthosewickedwordsofhiswillmaketheirwayintoyourheartandbrain.Andmaybe,justmaybe,you’llstarttofeelsafebecauseheseemstogenuinelycareforyou.Thensomehow,beforeyouhavethechancetobackup…beforeyouevenrealizewhatyourheartisdoingbehindyourback…
Boom!
You’reinlove.
Congrats.And,well,fuckyou,dearheart!
Nowyoucanthoroughlyenjoythemiserythatwillsurelyfollowsuit.
Ofcourse,Ican’tspeakforeveryone,butatleastthat’swhathappenedbetweenmeandJameson,myoneandonlycollegelove,sogoandblamehimforthelovevomit.
Ithadbeenexactlysixdaysandtwenty-onehourssincehe’dleftLosAngelesandmovedtoPittsburghtostarthisstupidnewjobathisstupidnewfirm,leavingmebehind,alittleheartbroken,andessentiallyhomeless.
Ifyou’rewonderinghowImanagedtofallinlovewiththisJamesonwhobrokemyheart…letmerewindabit.ImetJamesoninastudygroupforoureconomicsclass.Contrarytopopularbelief,Iwouldn’tjumpintobedwithsomeoneI’djustmet—andIdidn’t.Atfirst,Ijustenjoyedtheviewandchosetosomewhatsalivateoverhim…becausethat’salwaysfun,isn’tit?Oh,theanticipation,thecoylooks,allthoseknowingsmirks.Thenafewweekslaterwejusttumbledintoabedthatwasnearby.Justlikethat,Iswear.
Completelyaccidental,Itellyou.
Irecallseeingsomeinkonhischestandforearms,andthenheturnedaroundandIsawthosetightbuns.Suddenlywewereinabedandhewasgivingmeandmylovelyvaginathetimeofourlife.I’vealreadymentionedhowgoodthosemonstercocksfeel,haven’tI?Iwouldn’thavemindedifhewereatadbitthicker,but,ohwell…Iguessyoucan’thaveitallinlife.
So,Iwentbackformore.Iremembertellingmyself,Justonemoretime,Lucy,andthat’sit.Isincerelythoughtitwouldbeacrimenottoexperiencethatlevelofhotnessagain,andI’mnocriminal.Whatcouldpossiblygowrong,y’know…
Thensomehowweendeduphavingthoseone-nightstandsafewtimesaweek.So,technicallyhewasn’taone-nightstand,butI’dstillliketocallhimjustthat.HealsoprovedtobeatoughcookiewhenhestartedtofallasleepinmybedbeforemybrainwouldstartworkingenoughtorememberwhyIneededtokickhimoutofit.
Funnilyenough,that’showIusedtoendupgoingforsleepytimeonmybestfriendOlive’sboobies.Sleepingandcuddlingwithyourone-nightstandisabignono.Thebestpart;Olive’sboobswereThe.Best.Freaking.Pillows.In.The.World!Trustmeonthat.Sosoft,yetsofirm.Itwasbasicallymagic,butthat’sastoryforanothertime.
Longstoryshort,I’dstartedtofallforJameson.Ithoughtmaybeitwastimeformetogivegoodol’loveaspinandseeifIwasstillcursedornot.True,Iwasn’tnecessarilyexpectingahappilyeverafteratmyfirsttrybecausereallifeisrarelyallunicornsflyingaroundandfartingrainbowsintheclouds,buthell,Ihadn’tbeenexpectingasuddencutandruneither.Iwasjustdippingmytoesintothewater,nottryingtoelectrocutemyself.
So,yup,stillcursed.
Noloveforthisgal.Hurray…Iguess.
“Hello?Lucy?Ah,thereyouare.Isthereareasonyou’retalkingtoyourself?”OliveaskedassheappearedattheendofthehallwhereIwasdumpingatrashbagfilledwithJameson’sclothes.IstraightenedupandletoutadeepbreathasItookinherappearance.Theyogapantsandbaggywhiteshirtshewaswearingwerepracticallyheruniformwhenshedidn’twanttothinkaboutwhattowear.Andbaggyornotherboobsstillmanagedtolookgood.Herstrawberryblondehairwasinamessybunontopofherheadandlookedlikeithadseenmuchcleanerdays.Myguesswasshehadcomestraightfromherwritingcave.
“Noreasonatall.Justentertainingmyself,”Ianswered,clearingtheinvisiblesweatoffmyforeheadwiththebackofmyhand.“Whatareyoudoingherethisearly?Ithoughtyouwerecomingaroundlater.Andisthereareasonwhyyoulooklikeyouhaven’tshoweredinaweek?”
ShewasintheprocessoflookingthroughthetrashbagsIhadlinedupagainstthewallthatcontainedtheclothesJamesonhadchosentoleavebehind.Atmyquestion,Olive’sheadsnappedupandherlipsspreadintoawidegrin.
“Notaweek,butmaybetwodays?Ionlyhaveafewchapterstowritethenit’sofficiallyTheEndforthestory.”Sheshruggedandwentbacktoherrummaging,lookingforGodknewwhat.“Whohastimetoshoweranyway?”
Itwasn’taquestion,butIansweredheranyway—undermybreathofcourse.“Peoplewholiketobecleaninsteadofsmellylikeyoumaybe?”
“Andtoansweryourungratefulquestion,”shecontinued.“IcameearlybecauseI’mthebestfriendanyonecouldhave.Whydowehavetogothroughhisclothes?Whydidn’tthebastardtakethemwithhim?”
“Wearen’tgoingthroughhisclothes,youare.I’vealreadygonethroughthem.I’mjustgonnaleavethemoutside.Jamesontextedtosayhisfriendwascomingovertotakecareofthem.Idon’tcareeitherway.”
“Orwecouldburnthemtomakeastatement.”Shekickedoneofthebagstowardthedoorandreachedouttoliftupmysmall,brightyellowweekendbag.
“Andwhatstatementwouldthatbeexactly?”
“Idon’tknow…toshowhimthatweareaunitedfrontagainsthim?Anditwouldbetherapeuticforyou,too.”
“Right.Howaboutwesticktomovingmeoutofhereasquicklyaspossibleinstead.”
SheshruggedandgrabbedthebagIwasholdingouttoher.“Bytheway,I’mprettysureJasonwould’vesaidsomethingifIsmelled.Andlookwho’stalking—youlooklikedeathwarmedup.Yourbeautifulblueeyesarepracticallydead.Evenyourdarkhairsomehowlooks…darker.”
Iclaspedmyhandsovermyheartandbattedmylashes.“Aww,thanks,mylittlegreenOlive.Youlooklovelytoo,withyourgreasyhairandsleepyeyes.Combined,italldoeswondersforyourcomplexion.”
Asmallsmileplayingonherlips,sheshookherheadandcarriedthebagsdownstairstohercar.IopenedthebathroomdoorandcheckedthemedicinecabinettomakesureIhadn’tleftanythingbehind.Thenjusttobesafe,Icheckedthebedroomagain.WhenIwassureeverythingwaspackedandreadytogo,IcarriedmylastsuitcaseintothelivingroomwhereOlivewaswaitingformewithafullbottleoftequila.
“Ibroughtthis,”shesaid,usingherhandstopresentthebottletome,asifthatbabyneededanyextrapresenting.
Takingafewstepstomakeittoherside,Isnatchedthebottlefromherhands,ignoredhergasp,andploppedmyassdownontheshit-coloredsofa,asIlikedtodescribeit.
WhileIwasbusytryingtoscrewthetopoff,Olivesighedanddroppeddownnexttome.Itookaquickgulpandscrewedupmyfacewhenthepreciousliquidburnedmythroatthenhandedthebottlebacktoherwaitinghands.
She’dbeenmyfriendforthreeandahalfyears,andIdoubtedanyoneelseknewmebetterthanher.Shewasawriter—acrazysuccessfulauthorwho’dmadethebestsellerlistswithherveryfirstnovel.Myfavoritepartwasthatshewasthelucky,luckywifeofthehottestactorinHollywood,whohadalsobeenherchildhoodcrush.You’dthinkthatshitwouldonlyhappeninbooks,butnope,shedidit.Shescoredthehottestguy.IlikedtothinkI’dgivenherasmallnudgeintherightdirection,encouraginghertogoafterwhatshewanted,butherchemistrywiththeguywasoffthecharts,soIknewwithorwithoutme,theystillwould’veendeduptogether.And,well,despitebeingahotshotcelebrity,JasonThornwasoneofthegoodones.HewascompletelyinlovewithOlive—otherwiseIwouldhavetotallyorganizedasneakattackonhimtogethispawsoffmybestfriend.
“So…”Olivestartedaftershetookherowngulpoftequilaandcoughedafewtimes.“WhatwasthesubjectoftheconversationyouwerehavingwithyourselfwhenIwalkedin?”
Itookanothersip,abigone.Thatonedefinitelywentdowneasier.“Actually,Iwasreminiscingaboutyourprettyboobsandthinkinghowcomeyou’resoselfishaboutsharingthosepuppies.”
Shequirkedhereyebrowatmeandpulledherlegsuptogetcomfortable.“WhosaidI’mselfish?Ishareverynicelywithmyhusband.”
Igaveheragenuinesmile.“Areyoureadytoshareexactlyhow?Asinwithdetails?Likewhat’shisfavoriteposition?Doggie?Doeshetakecareofyourboobs?Ishenicetothem?”Iknewshewouldn’tshare—Ihadtriedbefore;Ididn’tunderstandwhy,anditneverstoppedmefromtryingtogetanswers.Plus,itwasfunwatchinghersquirm.That’swhatfriendsgotforhoardingimportantdetailslikethat.
“Sorry,nobueno.”
Doingmybesttogivehermyversionoftheevileye,Iofferedhersomealcohol.Shepassed,whichwasgoodfortworeasons.One,moreforme—yay—andtwo,well,shegotoutofhandwhenshegotdrunk.
“Nottosoundlikeanungratefulfriend,butIthoughtyousaidyou’dcomearoundtwoPM,nottenAM.Andyoucamebearinggiftstoo.Areyoubeingnicetome’causeI’mavictim?”
Shelookedcluelessassheglancedatme.“Avictim?Avictimofwhat?”
“Avictimoflove,ofcourse,”Ireturned,actingoutraged.“Igotchewedupandspitout—andnotinasexyway.”
Sherolledhereyesandgaveherattentiontothephonebuzzinginherhandbag.Aftercheckingthescreen,shesighed.“Sorry,mypoorvictimoflove,Ineedtotakethis.I’mschedulingmeetingswithpotentialagents.”
“Yougoaheadanddothat,andI’llkeepdoingthistequila.”
Assoonasshelefttheroom,Iclosedmyeyesandletmyheadrestonthebackofthesofa.
SoJamesonwasgone.SoIwasn’tinarelationshipanymore.Whatever,right?I’dneverplannedtogetintooneinthefirstplace.Ishould’vebeenhappy.Ishould’vefeltbetterknowingI’dbeenrightabouttheexistenceofacurseonourfamily.
DidIfeelanythinglikehappinessatthatmoment?
Notevenclose.ButIknewIwouldlive,sotherewasnopointinactinglikemylifewasover.Thankstomyfamily,I’dseenworse.Jamesonwasasaintcomparedtothem.
WhenOlivecameback,Itriedtoavertmygazesoshewouldn’tfocusonmywateringeyes.
Oh,shush!Ihadn’tbeensilentlycryingoranything,Iwasjustallergictothedamnapartment.
“Howaboutwegetoutofhere?”Oliveaskedsoftly.
ApparentlyIhadn’tbeenquickenoughtolookaway.Iwipedawayalonetearandtookmylastsipfromthebottle.AsmuchasIwantedtogetsloppydrunkwithmybestfriendandpossiblystartabigfireandmakevoodoodollswithbigjunks,wecouldn’t.Adultingsucksbigballs.
“Yeah.Weshoulddothat,”Iagreed.
Olivereachedforthebottleinmyhand,andIreluctantlygaveitup,afterashortstruggle,ofcourse.
“I’llholdontothis,andwe’llcontinuelater.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”Shenarrowedhereyesonme.“Hell,youknowwhat?I’llevenletyoucuddleme.”
Perkingup,Iwiggledmybrowsather.“AndwhileI’mcuddlingyou,willyoubecuddlingyourprettyhusband?”Isatupstraighter.“OliveThorn,areyougrantingmeacuddlingthreesomebecauseI’mavictimoflove?Ifso,I’lltotallytakethat.”
“No,youlittleperv.Jasonhasashoottonight.I’llcuddleyouuntilyougotosleep.ThenI’msneakingoutofyourroomtosleepwithmyprettyhusband.”
“Ah,nowyouarejusttwistingtheknifethat’salreadybeenlodgedintomyheart.”
“Good.I’mstillangryatyou,youknow.”
Imadeamiserableface.“Me?WhatdidIdo?I’mthevictimhere.”
“AndI’myourfriend.Youwaitedsixdaystotellmewhatthatassholedid.Yourobbedmeofmyfriendshiprights.”
“Oh,comeon.Youcan’tgetangryatmeforthat.Ijustdidn’twantyoutobemiserablewithme.Igavemyselfoneweektocrymyeyesandheartout,andIdidjustthat.Itdidn’teventakeaweek.Nowit’sdone.Over.Tonight,we’llcelebratemysingleness.Isavedyouthebestpart:thecelebrations.We’llhaveaTinderpartyandswiperightoneveryone.AsfarasI’mconcerned,I’makickassfriend.”
Sheofferedmeherhandandpulledmeup.“Nope.Yourobbedme.It’sassimpleasthat.Ididn’tgettocrywithyouorcurseatJamesonforleavingyou.NowhowamIgonnamakethetransitionfromsadnesstoangerandthenstraighttocelebration?I’mstillpissed.AndI’msad,too.Becausemyemotionsareallovertheplace.ItalkedJason’searofftheentirenightafteryourphonecall.Heagreeswithmecompletely.Youdefinitelyviolatedmyrights.”
Itiltedmyheadandpattedherarm.“Aww,youloveme.I’dhugyou,littleOlive,butyousmellevenworseupclose.”
Shegavemeahardpush.Laughing,Ifellbackonthecouch.“Noneedtobeanangrywaterfall,Olive.Bealake.Likeme.LookhowcalmIam.Fine,”Iaddedwhenshekeptstandingovermewitharaisedeyebrow.“Ifit’llmakeyoufeelanybetter,I’llprobablycrysomemoretonight,soyou’llstillhaveyourshotatbeingmiserablewithme.”
“That’smorelikeit.Thankyou.Dotrytocryatthebeginningofthefestivities,okay?”
Shakingmyhead,Igotuponmyownaswestartedalogicaldiscussionofhowlongweshouldcrybeforestartingthecelebrations.
AfterOlivehelpedmecarrythelastsuitcasetohercar,Ileftherwiththebagsandwentupstairstodoalastcheck,whichwashowIfoundmyselfaloneinthelivingroom,justgazingaround.Remembering.
WhenJamesonhadhadhismotorcycleaccidentafewmonthsbefore,OliveandIhadrushedtohissideatthehospital.ThathadbeenthefirsttimeI’dacceptedthatIlovedhim.
Whenitbecameobviousthathewasgonnahavetroublelookingafterhimselfwithallthosestupidbrokenbones,I’daskedhimifhewantedmetomoveinwithhimsoIcouldhelphimout.Whenhesmiledthatsexy,confidentsmile—theonethatencouragedyourbraintodosomestupidshit—andsaidhethoughtI’dneverask,Iwasrelievedfortworeasons.
One,Iwouldn’thavetobeathimtoapulpuntilherealizedheneededmewhilehewasalreadyinahospitalbed.Because,let’sfaceit,thatwouldn’tlookgoodforme,and,yeah,Ilikedhisfacealittletoomuchtomessitup.Two,I’dgettomoveoutofanapartmentIwassharingwithtwoverystupidpeople—stupidex-friendstobeexact,bothtoOliveandme.
Becauseofmyquickmove,Ihadn’tbroughtatonofstuffwithme.Ididn’townmanythingsanyway,andattheageoftwenty-twoborderingontwenty-three,beingtheownerofjustafewsuitcasesworthofstuffwasabitdepressing.
WhenIthoughtaboutit,IrealizedIwasnowtheproudownerofnewmemories.Memoriesthatwouldn’tgoawayinapuff.MemoriesIwishedweren’tmine,becausenoneofthem,noneoftheIloveyousI’dgottenoutofJamesonwouldkeepmewarmatnight.
No.ThesememorieswouldplaywithmymindandremindmewhatIwouldneverhaveinmylife.
Because,yes,youguessedit…thefreakingcurse.
“Man,thosestairsarekickingmybutt.Arewedonehere?”Oliveaskedasshecameintostandnexttome.
“Lookslikeit,”Ireplied,wipingoffmyclammyhandsonmyleggings.“Youreadytogetoutofhere?”
“Shouldn’tIbetheonetoaskyouthat?”
“Idon’tknow.Shouldyou?”
Sheeyedmeforafewseconds,probablytryingtofigureoutifIwasmessingwithher.
“Nah,”shesaideventually,linkingherarmthroughmine.“Noneedtoask;youarereadytoclosethisdoor.Thisisalreadyancienthistory,right?”
ItookadeepbreathandlaidmyheadonOlive’sshoulder.“IwishIwereassureofthatasyouare,mylittlegreenOlive.”
“YoumeantotellmeJamesonisn’tancienthistory?”Hervoicesoftened.“It’sokayifheisn’t,Lucy.Youknowthat,right?”
“Oh,theheartbreaking,panty-stealingbastardismostdefinitelyancienthistory,butI’mnotsureourmemoriesandalltheIloveyoushewhisperedtomewithinthesewallsare.Andisn’tthathowitgoes?Yougetovertheguywaybeforeyougetoverthememories.”
Sherestedherheadontopofmineandgentlyasked,“Areyousureyou’reokay,Lucy?Ilovethatyou’recomingtolivewithus—”
“Temporarily,”Ispokeoverher,butsheprettymuchignoredme.
“—becauseI’dhateitifyouleftthecity,butwhydidn’tyou?Imean,Jamesonwasthefirstguyinfouryearswhomanagedtoputadentinthosewallsyou’vebuiltaroundyourheart.Iknowyoulovedhim.Isawit.”
“Ididlovehim,”Iagreedafteramomentofsilence.Ihadaskedmyselfthesamequestionmultipletimesafterhe’dleft.“ButItoldyoualready,heneveraskedmetogowithhim,Olive.Heneversatmedownandexplainedhisplans,oraskedaboutmineforthatmatter.Hejustinformedmethathehadajobofferandthathehadtoleave.Oh,andheaddedthathewouldmissmelikecrazy.That’sit.That’sallhegaveme.I’mnotabouttogoaftersomeonewhodoesn’twantmewithhim.”
“Wouldyouhavegonewithhim?Ifhehadasked,Imean?”
“We’llneverknowthatnow,willwe?Hell,itwasallsocivil.Ididn’tevengetthechancetothrowavaseathisheadoranything.Neverhadthechancetohaveback-scratchingbreakupsex.Ifeelrobbedbythat.Hejustinformedmeofhisplansandtoldmetheleaseforthisplacewouldexpireattheendofthismonth.Itwasallso…Idon’tevenknowwhatitwas.TheonlythingIdoknowisthatheneveraskedmetogowithhim,orifIwouldconsidergoingwithhim.Ididn’tfactorintohisplans,whichiswhyIsayfuckhim.Iwasn’tabouttobegtheguyjustbecausehegavegoodorgasms,that’sforsure.”IstraightenedfromOlive’sshoulderandturnedmybacktothelivingroom.“Yeah,fuckhimandthehorseherodeinon.I’llstaywithyouguysuntilIfindajob,thenI’llbeoutofyourhair.”
“Areyougoingtocallyourgrandma—”
“ThatisthelastpersonI’mplanningoncalling.Ibrokeupwithaguy;ithappenseveryday.I’dmuchrathercallJamesonthancallCatherine.I’mnotsuicidal.”
Aftergivingmeahardlook,sheopenedhermouthtosaysomething,butIgrabbedherarmandusheredhertothedoor.
“It’soveranddonewith,Olive.ObviouslyJamesonwasn’ttherightoneforme.Noteveryonegetstheirhappilyeverafter,andthat’stotallyokay.I’mtotallyokaywiththatfact.Nowcanwegoandcontinuethisunnecessaryconversationatyourplace?PreferablywhenIhavesomemorealcoholinmybloodstream?”
Shehuffed,butexitedtheapartmentwithoutmehavingtopushherallthewaytothecar.Igrabbedthekeyonmywayoutandgavetheapartmentalastlook.
“Justsoyouknow,”IsaidtoOlive,whowasstandingrightbehindme,probablysoshecouldcatchmeifIdecidedtothrowmyselfonthegroundandbawlmyeyesout.Iguessshereallywaslookingforwardtobeingmiserablewithme.“I’mneversayingIloveyoutoanyotherguyagain.Markmywords.Themomentyouspillthewords,theyscrewyouover.SoI’mdonewiththat.Idon’tevencareifheisaGodinbed,orifhehasafoot-longinhispants.NomoreIloveyous.”
Shemadeastrangledsound,soIlookedovermyshoulder.“Afoot-long?Ouch,Lucy.”
Igaveheradevioussmile.“Notouch,that’sactuallyacometomamamoment,buteventhefoot-longguywon’tgetanIloveyoufromme.Hispenismight,butnothim.IfIevermakethemistakeofdoingthat,givemeagoodpinchordumpabucketofcoldwaterovermyhead,anythingtosnapmeoutofit.”
Ilockedthedoor,facedOlive,andwaitedforananswerfromher.
“Fine.”Shesighed,pullingmeawayfromthedoor.“I’llhurtyou.”
“Great.Nowthatthat’soutoftheway,didyouthinkaboutwhatIsaidwayback?”
“What?”
“Aboutyouandyourhusbandadoptingme.Now…I’vespentsomeserioustimethinkingitover,andIbelieveitcanbebeneficialforallpartiesinvolved.”
“Oh?Please,dotellaboutthesebenefits.”
“Firstbenefit:soyouknowhowmuchIdroolwhenIseeyourhusbandshirtlessonthebigscreen?I’llstopoglingyourhusbandwhenheisshirtlessonthebigscreen.”
“That’sagoodstart,Iguess.Tellmemore.”
“Secondbenefit:you’llhavetogivemecuddletimemorefrequently,because,well,I’llbeyourdaughter.You’llhavetoshowmelovewithcuddles.”
“Interesting.Doesanyoneelsebesidesyoubenefitfromthisadoption?Becauseyoujustsaid—”
“Well,Ihaven’tthoughtthatfaraheadyet.Geez,Olive.Victimoflovehere,remember?”
“Right…”
AnotherHollywoodMarriageBitestheDust
TwomonthsagowebroughtyouthesadnewsofAdamConnor(28)andAdelineConnor(26)callingitquits,anditwasnosurprisethatitshockedeveryoneintheindustry.Tobehonest,someofuswerethinkingitwasaPRsetuptopromoteAdeline’slatestmovie,butunfortunately,todaywegotnewsthatthecouplesignedthefinaldivorcepapersthatendedtheirlovestory,whichstartedalmostsixyearsago.
Afteralltheseweeks,westillhavenoideawhatthebreakingpointwasforthestars.Sourcesclosetothecouplehavedifferentviewsastowhatwentwronginthemarriage,butsofarwecan’tconfirmanything.Thereisonlyonethingeveryoneagreesonandthatisthattherewasnocheatinggoingon.Tothatend,throughtheirshort-livedmarriage,neitherAdelinenorAdamhavebeencaughtwithanotherloveinterestbytheherdofpaparazzithatalwaysfollowsthemaround.
Tojogyourmemory,thelove-struckcouplegotmarriedafterdatingforoverayear.AdelineYoungwasonlytwenty-oneyearsoldwhenshesaidyesandquietlygotmarriedtotheattractiveactorinPariswithonlyafewfamilymembersinattendance,andonlysevenmonthslatershegavebirthtotheirnowfive-year-oldson,Aiden.Asyouallknow,AdamConnoristhesonofHelenaConnorandNathanConnor,thelegendaryHollywoodcouple.Whiletheirdaughter,VictoriaConnor,didn’tfollowinthefootstepsofherparentsbybecominganactress,AdamConnorhasbeenintheactingworldsinceheturnedfourteenandhisfirstmovieThePoisonofFamilybecameablockbuster.
Despiteallthedramatheymustbedealingwith,Adampreferstostayquietwhenpresentedwithquestionsabouthismarriage.However,aninsidertoldus,“Aftermonthsofbeingheartbrokenaboutthebreakup,Adelineisfinallyreadytomoveon.Todoso,sheisgettingreadytodoapressconferenceandanswerallthequestionsthemediahasabouthermarriagetoAdamandwhyithadtoend.”
Ontheflipside,whenwetriedtoreachAdamConnor’srepsforacomment,wecouldn’tgetanansweraboutanythingrelatedtohismarriagetoAdeline.Allwecouldgetoutofthefamily’slongtimefriendandpublicistwasthatAdamwantedtogiveallhisfocusandattentiontotheirson,Aiden,duringandafterthedivorce.Thepairhasjointcustodyoftheirson,butfromthewhisperswe’vebeenhearing,we’renotsosureitwillstaythatwayforlong.
Whowantsfullcustodyandwhy?Thatseemstobethemillion-dollarquestionhere.Ifthecouplereallywereongoodtermsaftertheirdivorce,whywouldtheypreparetofightforcustodyovertheironlyson?
Onabetternote,wejustconfirmedthatAdamConnorhaspurchasedtheestatenexttoourfavoritenewlywedcouple,JasonandOliveThorn.Thehot,broodingstarwasphotographedleavingthepremisesofhisnewhousewithhisson,Aiden,justyesterday.
Ifyouhavegoodmoneytuckedaway,wewouldsuggestyoutolookintobuyingahouse,ashed,whateveryoucangetyourhandsoninBelAir.TwoofthesexiestmoviestarsinHollywoodlivingsidebysidewithonlyastonewallseparatingthem?Sure,okay,oneofthemmightnotbeavailableanymore,butAdamConnorisfreeasabird,ladies.Wouldn’tyougiveallyourlifesavingstobehisneighbor?Wecertainlywould!
ChapterTwoLucy
“Shhh,bequiet,”Iwhisperedurgently.
“Shhhyourself!Ididn’tdoanything.”
“Ididn’tsayyoudidsomething,Isaidbequiet.You’regonnaruinthisbeforeweevengetthechancetoseeanything,”IhissedatOlive.Shehuffed,probablyannoyedwithme,butstayedquietaswecarriedtheenormousladdertowardthestonewalloftheirproperty.
HourshadpassedsinceweleftJameson’sapartment,andIhadofficiallymovedintomyfriend’sguestroom.Aspromised,we’dalreadycelebratedthemoveandthebreakupwithmultipleshotsoftequilaandseveralmargaritaseach.Wemighthavealsousedthescreeningroomasourownkaraokebarandslaughteredafewsongsalongtheway,butwechalkedourbadperformancesuptobadweatherbecausenormallyweslayedanyandallsongs.
Whilewewerelyingaroundandexaminingtheceilings,OlivegotatextfromJasonsayinghewouldbelatetoourlittlepityparty,whichwasexactlywhenIremembereditwasabadideatoletOlivedrinkmorethanfourshotsoftequila.AfterIconsoledacryingOlive—shewascryingbecauseJasonwasgoingtobelate—shedecideditwasabrilliantideatogettheladderwe’dseenthegardenersuseearlierandcheckoutAdamConnor’ssideofthewall—thehottiemoviestarwhohadmovedinafewmonthsago.WhowasItosaynotosuchagoodplan?Ourplandidn’tincludespyingonhimoranything—Imean,obviouslyweweren’tstalkers,wejustwantedtoseewhathishouselookedlike,youknow,becausehousesarereallyimportant.It’salwaysamarkinthewinningcolumnifyouhavearoofoveryourhead.
Andifbydumbluckwesawhimwalkingaroundhalf-naked—orhopefullyfullynaked—well,itwouldn’tbeourfaultwewerelookingthen,wouldit?Theblamewouldliesolelyonhisshoulders.
Sothat’showweendedupinOlive’sbackyard,carryingthatdamnladder
“Whatifheisnaked,Lucy?Whatdowedo?”
“Umm,makesureheisnakedbyhisownwill?It’spracticallyindecentexposure,butwe’llskipcallingthecops,Ithink.”
“Areyoubeingserious?”
“OfcourseI’mnot!Becareful,watchwhereyou’regoing—there’satreebehindyou.”
Aftergivingmethestinkeye,sheglancedoverhershoulderandnarrowlyavoidedthetrunkofthetree.“Oh,thanks.”
Ismiledandshookmyhead.Jasonwasabouttogetonehellofasurprisewhenhefoundhiswifedrunkoffherass
Whenwewerecloseenough,Islowlyloweredmyendoftheladder.“Don’tletgo,okay?Weneedtoleanitagainstthewall.”
“Iknowwhatweneedtodo,stopbossingmearound.Andwillyoupleasestophittingmybush!”
“Geez,Olive,I’mgettingshreddedbyyourstupidbushhere,andyou’renotevenworriedthatImightdiefromseverebloodloss.”
“Don’tworry,youwon’tdiefromafewscratches.Plus,thiswholethingwasyouridea,I’mgonnakeeprepeatingthatwhenJasoncomeshomeandbustsus.”Shesing-songedherlastsentencewhileIwastryingmybesttogetawayfromthedeadlybush.
“Myidea?”
Groaning,Ihelpedherpropthestupidlyheavythingagainstthewall.Whenitmadealoudthuddingsound,Iwincedanddroppedmyasstothegroundbetweenthebushandthestonewall.
“Shit,”Olivewhisperedandhuggedtheladder.“Doyouthinkheheardit?”
“Who?”
“AdamConnor.”
“Ithinkthewholeneighborhoodheardthat,butlet’shopeAdamhashearingproblems.”
“Comeonthen,getup.Iwannahavealook,”sheorderedasshejumpedfromonelegtotheotherandlookedupatthewall.“We’lllookjustforasecond,though,okay?”
“Yeah,yeah.Yousaidthatalready.Andit’snotlikewe’regonnamakethisintoaroutine.We’lljustlookthisonetimeandthat’sit.”
“Yes.That’sit,Lucy.I’msorelievedyousaidthat.”
Asfaraswallsgo,itwasn’texactlythehighestwalloutthere,whichwassadforthewall,butalsoweirdconsideringhowobsessedrichpeoplearewithsecurity.Thenagain,Iguesswhentwoequallyhotandsuccessfulmoviestarsbecameneighbors,theydidn’thaveanyreasontosuspecteachotherofstalking.
Iquicklytiedmyshoulder-lengthhairupinaponytail.Holdingontotheladder,Iliftedmybuttoffthesoftsoil.
“So,howdowedothis?”IaskedasIdustedoffmyjeans.Thestepswereactuallywideenoughtoholdbothofus,butclimbingupthematthesametimewouldbeimpossible—consideringwewerebothintoxicated,quitepossiblydeadlytoo.
WhenImetOlive’ssparklinggreeneyes,sheshruggedandmotionedformetogofirst,soIdid.“WhenI’matthetopyoucancomeuptoo.You’retallerthanme,soyoustayonthelowerstep,okay?”Whenshedidn’tanswerandjustkeptjumpingaround,Ifrownedandwhispered,“What’swrongwithyou?”
“Ineedtopee,butI’mholdingit.Comeon,let’sdothisalready.”
“I’mgoingtoremindyouthatyousaidthatifitbecomesnecessary,andtrynottopeeonmewhileyou’reatit.”
IgrabbedtheladderonbothsidesandtookmyfirststepupasOliveplacedherhandsonmyassandstartedtopushmeup.
“I’mnotapussy.”
“Whatareyoueventalkingabout,Olive?”
“Comeon,gofasteralready!”
“Jesus,fine,”Iexclaimed,lookingdownather.“Calmyourtits,woman.”
Whenmyheadreachedthetopofthewall,IstoppedandlookeddownatOlive,whowasalreadyclimbingup.“Moveyourasstotheleftalittle,”sheorderedinahuffbeforegrabbingmyankleasleverage.
“Areyousureyou’reoka—”
“I’msure.Gouponemorestep.Ican’tseeathing.”
“Nowwhoisthebossyone,Iwonder,”Imurmured,climbinguponemorestepsoIcouldpeekoverthewall.Whilethelightswereoninthehouse,fromwhatIcouldsee,nobodywasoutinthebackyard.Still,IwantedtoplayitsafeandnotlooklikealegitpeepingTombyactuallyhangingoverthewalltotryandseeinsidethehousebetter.
“Whatarewelookingat?”Oliveaskedwhenshefinallymadeitup.
“I’mlookingatanemptybackyardandwhatlookstobeanequallyemptyhouse.Whatareyoulookingat?”
“IthinkI’mlookingatthesamething.Bummer,don’ttellJason,butIjustwantedtoseehimonce,youknow.Ofcoursewedrooltogethereverytimewewatchhismovies.”SheshookherheadandlifteditabithigherwhileItriedtostaysteadyonmyfeet.“It’sbeenmonthssincehemovedin,butweneverrunintoeachother.Ontopofeverythingelse,Jasonisn’texactlybeingcooperativeaboutthis.Ialreadyaskedhimtointroducemeto—”
Igaveherasharplook.“Youaskedhimtointroduceus,right?Notjustyou.”
“Us,right.OfcourseIsaidus.Sharingiscaring.Oh!Lucy,look!”
SherestedherchinonthewallsoIdidthesamethingtogetalookatwhatshewasseeing.“What?Whereishe?Idon’tseehim.”
“Nothim,”shewhisperedurgently.
“Whothehelldidyousee?Tellme!”
“Ithink…wait,there!Lookatthewindowbehindthatbigplantontheright.”
Icranedmyneckhigher,exposingmyentireface.“Oh,isthathisson?”
“Mustbe.Oh,helookssocute,Lucy.”Sheawwednexttome,hervoicegoingallwonky.
“OhGod,pleasedon’tstartcryingagain,notwhileweareteeteringontheedgeoverhere.”
“ItoldyouI’mnotapussy.I’mnotgonnacry.”
Inthequietofthenight,wewatchedthelittleboypresshishandsagainstthewindowandlookoutsidewiththesaddestexpressiononhislittleface.Afterafewsecondspassed,heabruptlyturnedaroundandlookedupasifhewastalkingtosomeone.Asmuchaswetriedto,wecouldn’tseewhowasstandingbehindhim.
“Don’tleanonmetoomuch,”IsaidurgentlyasOlive’sshoulderpressedagainstmineinanattempttoseewhothekidwaslookingat.
“Ithinkit’shim,”shesqueaked,ignoringmywarning.
WhileIwasdoingmybestnottofallofftheladder,ourmysterypersonsteppedforwardandloweredhimselfononeknee.
“It’shim,”IwhisperedtoOlive.
WewatchedAdamConnorrufflehiskid’sdarkblondhairandnudgehischinupwithhisknuckles.IfIsaidmyheartwasn’tdoingallkindsofjumpingandflip-flapping,Iwouldbelying.Afterall,hewasahandsomebastard,anditwasn’tmyfaultmyheartwasweak.Wecouldn’tseetheirexpressionsthatclearly,butwesawAdam’slipsstartmovingandthenthekidthrowinghimselfinhisfather’sarmsandhugginghisneck.
“Ifeellikewe’redoingsomethingbad,”Isaidasthekidsuddenlyletgoofhisdadandranaway,outofoursight.
“Wearedoingsomethingbad.Thatlookedlikeaprivatemoment,Lucy.Weshouldgetdown.”
“Yes,weshould.”Eventhoughweagreeditwasn’tcoolofustointrude,neitheroneofusmoved.Wecouldn’t.
Adamhunghisheadforamomentafterthekidranaway,thenhewasuponhisfeet,walkingclosertotheglasswindows.
BothOliveandItensed,readytodisappearfromsightifhedecidedtocomeout,buthesimplystoodthere,hishandsstuffedinhispockets,hisgazefocusedonthedimlightscomingfromhispool.
“Holyshit,”Olivesaidquietly,andsuddenlyIrememberedIwasn’talone.
Ishiveredandglancedatmyfriend.“What?”
Shelookedatme,thenbacktoAdamConnor.“Nothing.”Sheshookherhead.“Imean,wecan’treallyseehim,seehim,buthelooksgoodfromthisclose.And…andhelookssadtoo.Thedivorcemustbetoughonhimandthekid.”
“Ireadthattheybothwantedthedivorce.Youthinkhestilllovesher?”
“AftereverythingtheywroteaboutmeandJason,youshouldknowbetterthantobelievewhatyoureadonline.Theyhaveakidtogether;it’sneversimplewhenthereisakidinthemiddleofeverything.I’mprettysureweknownothingaboutwhat’sbeengoingonintheirlives.”
“That’strue.Inthatcase,Icouldofferhimmyshoulder.”Ipausedtothinkaboutthatstatementforasecond.“Orbetteryet,myboobs.”Olive’sheadturnedtomeinasharpmovement.“Don’tlookatmelikethat.It’sjustsohecan,youknow,cry.Mylovelyboobsaren’tascomfyasyours,butI’mstillrockinganalmostCcup,andI’dbesogentlewithhim.Pathishead,puthimtobed,maybewarmhimupifheiscoldfromallthecrying.Sharingbodyheatisaveryimportantprocess.Wecouldsnuggleupunderthecovers…playhidethepickletogethisspiritsup.”
“Ithoughtyousaidyouweredonewithguys.”
“I’mdonefallinginlovewiththem,andevenifIdo,Isureashellwon’tletthemknowthatI’vedoneso.IneversaidI’mdonefallingontopofcertainbodyparts.Theyhavemany,manyotherusesthatdon’trequiremefallinginlove.”IgnoringOlive’seyesonme,IshruggedandkeptwatchingAdam.“Youknowwhattheysay:togetoversomeoneyoushouldgetundersomeoneelse.Wecangetoverandundereachother.I’mnotpickyatall.”
“Okay,let’sgetdownbeforeyoucrawloverthewalltogettothatpoorguy.Idon’tlikethelookinyoureyes.”
“Whatlook?”Iasked,givingmybestfriendaninnocentlook,completewithasweetsmile.“I’manangel.”
Shelaughedandpattedmyhead.“Morelikethedevil.”
“Hey!Itakeoffensetothat.”
Justaswewerebickering,AdamConnorsuddenlyreacheduptoloosenhistie,causingasoftlyutteredcursewordtoleavemylips.
“What?”Oliveasked.
“Ifinditextremelyhotwhenaguytakesoffhisclothesinslowmotion.”
Wesilentlywatchedhimtakeoffhissuitjacketandthrowitonsomethingwecouldn’tseeclearlyfromourpointofview.
“Isitgettingalittlehot?”Olivemumbled.
“Shhh,”Iwhispered,completelyfocusedonseeingwhatthesix-foot-threehunkwiththebroadshoulderswoulddonext.
Whenhisfingersstartedunbuttoninghiswhiteshirt’sleftsleeveashekepthiseyesonthehorizonwithanunreadableexpression,Ihadtoswallowdownthelumpinmythroat.Slowlybutexpertly,hestartedrollingitup,exposinghisforearms—forearmsIwould’vekilledtoseecloser.Thenhestartedonhisrightsleeve,repeatingthesameprocesswhileOliveandIwatchedthewholethingwithoutapeep.
“Holyshit,”OlivefinallywhisperedwhenAdamwasmassaginghistempleswithhisfingers,hisheadbentdown,thosethickarmmusclesbulgingeventooureyes.
“IthinkI’vejustcreamedmyself,”Iadmitted.
“Whatdoyoumea—ohmyGod,Lucy!”sheyelledloudlyenoughtowakeupthewholeneighborhood,thenstartedlaughing.Evidently,burstingmyeardrumswasn’tenough,soshehitmyarmtoo—hard,almostcausingmetolosemybalance.
“Hey!”Ishotback,laughingquietly.BeforeIcouldtoppleover,Igrabbedontothewall.
“OhmyGod,Ihateyou!”sheseethedwhenshehadcalmeddownenoughtospeak.“Whywouldyouevensaythat?”
Givingherahurtlook,Irubbedthespotshe’dhit.“What?Theguyalmosttookoffhisshirt,loosenedhistie,andthenrolleduphissleeves.Ijustthinkthewholethingwassexy.Thereissomethingcalledforearmporn.Youknowthat,right?Besides,it’snotmyfaultmybodyreactedtotheguy.”
“You’reimpossible.”
“Thankyou,Itrytostandout.Andrelax,Iwasjustmessingwithyou.IfIwereclosertohim,Imighthavecreamed,butnope,thedistancebetweenusandthefactthatIcouldn’thearhisbreathingruinedit.Istillwannajumphim,though.”
“Hisbreathing?Youthinkyouwouldlearn—”
Weheardaclickandthenaslidingsound.Olivestoppedtalkingandgrabbedmyarm.Bothofushadthat‘ohshit’lookonourfaces,andifyouwerewondering,weworeitprettydamnwell.
“Dan?Isthatyououtthere?”
Olivesqueakedandthenslappedherownhandoverhermouthtomufflethenoisebeforewewerecompletelyscrewed.Ouronlysavinggracewasthatoursideofthewallwaspitch-darkandtherewasnowayinhellAdamConnorcouldseeus.ImotionedforOlivetolowerherhead,andsheobeyedwithoutargument.
“YoubetterbeagoddamnraccoonbecauseI’mnotinthemoodtoinvitethecopsintomyhome,”thevoicesaidfromtheothersideofthewall.
Olivelookedatmeinalarm,butIshookmyheadandpressedmyindexfingertomylipssoshewouldn’tspeak.WeknewtherewasnowayAdamcouldknowthereweretwogirlshangingoffawallontheothersideofhisproperty,butthefactthatwecouldhearhisfootstepscomingclosertowardusdidn’thelpmerelaxatall.
Silencefellagain.Anotherfewsecondstickedby,thenthefootstepsstartedretreating.Afterweheardthetelltalesoundofhisslidingdoor,Olivereleasedthebreathshewasholding.
“Wearenotdoingthisagain,”shewhispered,takingastepdownontheladder.
WhenIdidn’tagreewithherimmediately,shetuggedatmyshirttogetmyattention.“DidyouhearwhatIjustsaid?”
“Yes.Yes.We’renotdoingthisagain.”
“I’mbeingserious,Lucy.”
“Excuseme,Mrs.Thorn,butweren’tyoutheonewhofirstmentionedwecouldtakeapeekoverthewall?”
“Ididn’thearyousayno—theopposite,actually.Irememberyoucongratulatingmeonmygreatidea.Comeon,getdown.”
Ifeltanothertugonmyankleasshekeptdescending.
Islowlyraisedmyheaduptoseeifthefinespecimenwasgone,andtomydismaytherewasnosightofhim.Lightswerestillon,butnoeyecandy.IlookeddowntoseeafrowningOlivelookingupatme.
“What?”
“YourememberthegirlwhohidinourhotelroominLondon,right?”
“Don’tworry,mygreenOlive,I’mnotplanningonbreakingintohishouse.”
Notthatithadn’tcrossedmymind,butIdrewthelineatbreakingandentering;Iwasn’tthatcrazy.Ihadthoughtabouttakingapeekthroughoneofthosegiganticwindows,butlikeIsaid,thelinehadtobedrawnsomewhere,andlookingoverthewallwaswhereIdrewit.
Don’tjudgeme.Tellme,whatwouldyoudoifyouendedupbeingtheneighborofoneofyourfavoriteactors?Ofcourseyou’dspyontheguy…oratleastyou’dattemptto.Don’teventrytodenyit.
Despitehislegendaryparents,AdamConnorwasaclosedbook.Ofcourse,everybodyknewabouthim—evenbeforehelandedhisfirstmovie—buthewasstillsomewhatofamystery.Whodoesn’tloveamysteriousguy?Certainlynotme.
Hewasaquietguy,oneofthoseactorswhosmilesatthecameraswhenhedoesn’twanttoansweraquestion,oneofthosehotguyswhoonlytalkswhenhehassomethinggoodtosay,wildlysuccessfulathisjob,marriedattwenty-three,aseeminglygooddad,possessorofanout-of-thisworldbody…andthosewerejustafewofAdamConnor’sattributes.Ofcourse,howmuchcanyoureallyknowapublicfigurejustfromstalkingthemonlineeverynowandthen…
“Lucy,youcan’tbreakintohishouse.”
“Didn’tIjustsayIhadnoplanstodosuchthing?”IaskedOliveinaquietvoiceasItookastepdown.
“Youevenmentioningitscaresme.Itmeansitcrossedyourmindatsomepoint.”
WhenIwasfinallystandingonsolidground,IgaveallmyattentiontoOlive.“I’mnotsteppingfootontheothersideofthiswall,crossmyheart.Okay?”
Shenarrowedhereyesatme,andIgaveherareassuringsmilewithathumbs-up.Ireallywasn’tplanningonjumpingoverthewall,soIwasn’tactuallylyingtomyfriend.Now,ifIendedupclimbingtheladderagain…well,Icouldn’tseeanyharminthat.
DonewiththeintenseeyecontactOlivewasmaking,Ireachedoutandforcedtheedgesofherlipsupwardwithmyfingers.“Smile,Olive.Showmeyourteeth.”Justtohelpheralong,Igaveherabiggrin.“Comeon,youcandothis.Iknowyoucan.I’veseenyoudoitbefore.”
Whenshecrackedandstartedsmilingonherown,Itookastepbackandalmostfelloveranotherdamnbush.“Whatwasthepointofsurroundingthewholedamnplacewiththesethings?Tokillme?”
“You’llhavetoaskJasonaboutthat,”shesaid,pullingmeawayfromthegreenery.“I’mfeelingalittledizzy,Ithink.Let’sjustsitdownforawhile.”
Headingtowardthepool,weploppeddownonthegrasswhenshefoundaspotshewashappywith.
“AreyougoingtocallJameson?”Oliveaskedafterwequietlywatchedthestarsforawhile.
“WhywouldIdothat?”
“Idon’tknow.Itwasastupidquestion,forgetaboutit.”
IglancedatherfromthecornerofmyeyeandfeltuneasywhenIsawherexpression.
“Olive,areyouokay?”
“Nope.I’mstillangry.”
“Angry?Atme?”
“No.AtJameson.”Sheturnedherheadandfrownedatme.“WhywouldIbeangryatyou?Anythingelseyou’rekeepingfromme?”
“Nope.Noreason.”Isighedandglancedbackatthestars—thefewwecouldseeabovethecitylights.“I’msorryfornottellingyoubefore.Ididn’twanttobotheryousinceIknewyouweregettingclosetoyourdeadline.Andmaybe…maybeIdidn’tlikethefactthatIcouldn’tjustshrugitoffandmoveonlikehedidn’tmeananythingtome.”
“Iknowwhatyoumean,butyoudon’thavetodoeverythingonyourown.And,Lucy?”Shepaused,soIlookedatheragain.“I’myourfriend.Yoursisterfromanothermister.Nothingismoreimportantthanyou.Idon’tcarehowdeepI’mburiedinwords,youalwayscomefirst.Andnowthatyouknowit,youcanneverusethatagainstmeagain.”Sheturnedherheadbacktowardtheskyandadded,“Whichmeansifyoutakeawaymyfriendshiprightsagain,I’llhavetokickyourass.”
Iletoutasmalllaughandlookedawaytoo.“Gee,Olive,Ihadnoideayouwerelookingforwardtobeingmiserable.Ipromise,thenexttimesomeonebreaksmyheart—whichisprettyunlikelysinceI’mneverfallinginloveagain—you’llbethefirstpersontohearit.”
“Good.”
“Youknowyou’remyperson,right?”sheaskedaminutelater.
Asmallsmileplayedonmylips.“Grey’sAnatomy?LikeChristinaandMeredith?”
“Yes.”
“Yeah,you’remypersontoo,mygreenOlive.”
Andshealwayswouldbe.
“Good.Lucy?”
Iglancedatheragain.“Olive?”
“Don’ttellJasonIsaidthis,butIthinkAdamisseriouslyhot.”
“Isthatso?”someoneaskedfromrightbehindus;bothOliveandIletoutashriekthatechoedthroughthenight.Iftheneighborsaroundthepropertyhadn’theardOlive’sfirstscream,theyweresuretohearthatone.
“Jason!”Oliveyelledathimasshestruggledtogetup.
Ipressedmyhandtomychest.“DidyouwanttogivemeaheartattackjustbecauseI’mstayingoverforafewdays?”Iasked,helpingOlivestandup.“Whywouldyousneakuponuslikethat?”
“Iwasn’tsneakinguponanyone.Isimplywalkedintomyhousetohearmywifeadmit”—hepausedtogiveOlivealook—“how‘hot’shefindsthisguy…thisguywhoisnotherhusband.”
“Jason,”Oliverepeatedinacompletelydifferenttoneasshestartedwalkingtowardhim.Shewasdrunkoffherassandhadstarsinhereyes,pretty,shinylittlestars.
Jasontookafewstepsforwardtocatchhiswifesoshecouldfallintohisarmsinsteadoffallingonherface.Glancingatme,heasked,“Itakeitthecelebrationswentwell?”
“Sheisangryatmefornotsendingheraninviteformyveryownpityparty,butshekindagotoveritafterthesecondshotoftequila.”
HecaughtOliveinhisarmsandletherpulldownhisfacetogivehimalongkiss.Lookingatthem,sobeautifullyinlove,IcaughtmyselfsmilingandrealizedonceagainthatIlovedverymuchhowbeautifullovelookedonmyfriend.Formeithadneverbeenlikethat
“Imissedyou,”Olivewhispered,ormorelikelythoughtshewhispered—shewasstillyelling.“Andyoumissedourimpromptuconcert.Weweresogood,Jason.”
Gentlypushingthehairoutofherface,hegaveherawarmsmile,onethatclearlysaid,I’mdeeplyinlovewithyou,andkissedherlipsagain.“I’msorry,sweetheart,wehadtostaylatetowrapthingsuponset.”
“Ithinkit’ssleeptimeforyourwife,Jason,”Isaid,interruptingtheirprivatelittlebubble,andtheybothturnedtolookatme.“I’mplanningonwakingherupprettyearly,andIknowforafactthatshe’sgoingtohatethat,so…”
Iwasn’ttryingtogetridofthem,notnecessarily,butIdidn’twantthemtofeelawkwardaroundme,orfeeltheneedtokeepmecompanywhenIknewtheyhadmuchbetterthingstodo—likegettheirfreakonintheirbedroombeforeImadeittomyroomthatwasrightacrossfromthem.Nottomention,itwouldn’thurttobealoneforashortwhile.
OliveletgoofJasonandwalkedbacktomysidetogivemeahug.“Iloveyou,LucyMeyer,”shesaid,stillholdingontome.“AndIpromiseyou’llfallinloveagain.”Takingastepback,shelookedmeintheeyesandadded,“Andyouknowwhat?Whenyoudo,it’sgoingtobeepic,andnotjustyourplainoldepic,it’llbeout-of-this-worldepic.”
Igrinnedather,andshenoddedwithastraightface.
“Now,don’tgotobedtoolate,andwe’lltalkmoreaboutthisinthemorning.”
“Okay,Mom,”IyelledasIwatchedthemwalkbackintothehouse,handinhand.“Bytheway,thankyousomuchforadoptingme,guys!”
“God,no,”Jasonsaidashegotreadytoclosethedoor.“We’renotadoptingyou,Lucy.”
“So,you’rethinkingaboutit?Great!Ican’twaittocallyouDaddy,Jason!”
Withasmileplayingonhislips,heshookhisheadandslidtheglassdoorclosed.
Laughingtomyself,Ilaybackdownonthegrass,closedmyeyes,andtookadeepbreath.Itwasabeautifulnight—nottoohot,nottoochilly,perfecttemperatureforSeptember.Ikeptmyeyesclosedandimaginedmyselfstandingontheedgeofacliff,myarmswideopenasthewindcaressedmyskinandplayedwithmyhair,abigsmilespreadingacrossmyface.
ChapterThreeLucy
“I’msorry,Lucy.”
“Canyoutwopleasestopapologizing?Itoldyouit’sokay.Jesus,you’releavingmeinapalace;I’mprettysureI’llmanagetosurvivewithoutyoutwo,”IassuredOliveforthetenthtimeasIsatcross-leggedinthemiddleoftheirbed.
OlivegavemeanapologizinglookandglancedbackatJasonwhileshecontinuedtothrowrandomclothesintoabigsuitcase.“FlyingtoLondonforthepromotionstuffwasn’tonthescheduleforatleastanotherweek.Whydidtheyswitchthetimelineatthelastminutelikethis?”
So…rememberhowImentionedmytalentedfriendwritingabookthatmadethebestsellerlistsinnotime?Well,thatbook,SoulAche,alsogotmadeintoamovie.Theleadingactor?JasonThorn,ofcourse.Howdidyouthinktheymetagainaftersomanyyears?Shewroteagoddamnedbookinspiredbyhimandvoila!Shegotthedreamguywithherdreamjob.
“Youdon’thavetohurry,Olive,”JasonsaidashecapturedOlive’shandanddroppedakissonherpalm.“Westillhavetwohoursuntiltheypickusup.”
“Youthinktwohoursisenoughtimetodecidewhattotakewithyouforaweeklongtrip?They’llfollowuseverywhere;Idon’twantthemtowriteawholedamnarticleabouthowmessyIlooknexttoyouandthatmaybeIshouldgetmynoseoutofmybooksifIdon’twanttoloseyou.”
“Theyalreadywrotethat,Olive,”Ichimedin,justtobehelpful.
“That’sexactlymypoint!”sheexclaimedasshestartedtakingclothesbackoutofhersuitcase.“Idon’twanttoreadthatagain.”
Jasongrabbedherattentionashezippeduphisownsmallsuitcase,whichhe’dpackedintenminutes.“Iloveitwhenyoulookmessy.ItremindsmeofhowgoodyoulookafterIloveyoualittle.”
“Ah,”Igroaned,tryingtohidemysmileanddoingapisspoorjobofit.“Yourkidisintheroom.Gross.”
HepressedhislipsagainstOlive’shair,andInoticedhowherbodyrelaxedalittle.“But,”hecontinued,“IthinkI’mgonnawaitforyouinthelivingroom.IneedtocallTomanyway.”
Tomwashisagent,andeventhoughheprobablydidneedtocallhim,Iwould’vebetathousanddollarshewasmoreinterestedinfleeingthescenethandiscussinghispotentialnextprojectwithhisagent.
“Chickenshit,”Imurmured;hegavemeaquickwinkbeforeexitingtheroom.
“Help?”Oliveasked,lookingatmehopefully.
“Oh,IguessIcanhelp,”Irelented.“Butyou’renottakingthatblackdresswithyou.You’renotgoingtoafuneral.Thisisyourmovie,morethanitishis,actually.Andthisisnotthepremiere,right?”Icrawledoffthebedandheadedtowardhergiganticcloset.Olivewasrightbehindme.
“Itisstillhappening,thepremiereinLondon,Imean,butitisaftertheLAandNewYorkpremieres.ThisLondontripisjustinterviewsandafewtalkshows.”
“You’redoingtheshowstoo?”
Sheshookherhead.“AsmuchasMeganwould’velovedthat,Isaidnotoliveshows.We’lldoafewoftherecordedinterviewstogether,butthat’sit.Idon’twanttobeseenthatmuch.That’shisjob,andthat’salltheexcitementIcanhandleanyway.”
“Well,okay.Thenyoudefinitelydon’tneedthisfloor-lengthdress,”Isaid,fishingoutanotherblackdressshewouldn’tneedatall.
Halfanhourlaterweemergedfromherbedroomwithenoughclothespackedtoholdheroverforatleastamonth.
“Thecarishere,”Jasonsaidassoonhesawuswheelingtwosuitcasestowardthefrontdoor.
“Already?”OliveandIaskedatthesametime.
“Yes,”Jasonsaid,reachingtotakethesuitcaseoutofOlive’shand.“Therewasachangeintheschedule.”
“Oh,I’mgonnamissyou.”ShegavemeatighthugandfollowedJasonoutside.“I’mreallysorryforleavingyoulikethis.IswearassoonasI’mback—”
“You’llmakeituptome,”Isaid,finishinghersentencebeforeshecouldgetintoanotherlong-windedapology.“It’sonlyaweek,Olive.Prayformewhileyou’reovertheresoIcanfindajobbythetimeyouguyscomeback.”
“Aboutthat,”shemurmuredasshesatdownonthebenchrightoutsidetheirdoortoputonhershoes.“Isentyouanemailwithafewcontactnumbersattachedtoit.WhileweareonourwaytotheairportI’llforwardyousomeemailstoo.”
“Andwhatdoyouwantmetodowiththoseemailsagain?”
“Notmuch.Iwantyoutoplaymyagent.”
Donewithhershoes,shegotupandstoodinfrontofme.
“Playyouragent?”Iasked,confused.
“Look,youdon’twanttobeanaccountant.There.Isaidit.Youmightbegoodwithnumbers,butthat’snotyourcalling.Andbeforeyousayno—”
“Olive?”Jasoncalledout,holdingthepassengerdooropenforhiswife.Olivelookedoverhershoulder.“Wehavetoleave.CanyoucallLucyonthewaytotheairport?”
“I’mcoming,justgivemeasecond.”
Whensheturnedbacktolookatme,Ihadafrownonmyface.“Olive—”
“I’mnotdoingitforyou,Lucy.I’maskingforyourhelp.YouflakedonmewhenIneededtotalktothemoviestudiothefirsttime,soyoucan’tsaynotothistoo.Italkedtoagoodnumberofagents,andwedon’tseeeyetoeye.Idoubttheyevenreadmybook.Youinhaledeverylineofthatbook;ifsomeonehastosellit,Iwantittobeyou.Andbeforeyousayit,ifIstartnegotiatingforfuturebookandaudiobookdeals,Iwon’thaveasingleminutetowrite.You’llhelpyourfriendout,right?’Causeyou’rethebestestofthebestfriends,right?”Sheliftedhereyebrows,waitingonananswerfromme.
“Olive,Ihaveabusinessmajor.Iknownothingaboutbeingaliteraryagent.”
Shestartedtobackawayfrommeandliftedherhandsup.“Justaddupsomenumbersthenmultiplythem,dowhateverthehellyoudowithnumbers,andfindoutwhichdealisbetterforme.IhavetomakeadecisionbeforeI’mdonewriting.”
“Idon’tthinkthenumbersshouldbeyouronlyworry,Olive,”Iyelledafterherassheheadedtowardtheblackcar.“Whataretheyofferingyouintermsofmarketing?Aretheyplanningsomethingyoucouldn’tdoyourselfifyouweretoself-publishagain?”
ReachingJason’sside,sheyelledback,“See?Youalreadyknowtherightquestionstoask.Justtalktothem,okay?I’llcallyouwhenweland.”Withthoselastwords,shehoppedintothecar.
“Idon’tlikeyourwifeverymuchrightnow,”IgrumbledloudlyenoughsoJasoncouldhear.Hiseyesfoundmine,andhesmiled.
Heglancedintothecarthenlookedbackatmewithabiggersmileonhislips.“Shesaysshelovesyou,too.”
IrolledmyeyesandwavedatJason,readytogetbackinside.
“Lucy?”Jasoncalledout.
“Yes?”Ianswered,peekingbehindthedoor.
“Takecareofyourself,okay?CallTomifyouneedanythingatall.”
“Aw,youlovemetoo.”Ipressedmyhandsagainstmyheartandsighed,dramatically.“Iknewyousecretlywantedtoadoptme.I’mthedaughteryouneverknewyouwanted,aren’tI?”Iasked,battingmyeyelashes.
JasonjustshookhisheadbeforehoppinginnexttoOlive.
***
ThedaysfollowingOlive’sdeparturetoLondonpassedasyouwouldexpectthemto:fairlyuneventfully.
ThenumberofjobinterviewsI’dhad:two.
ThenumberofphonecallsI’dgottenfromOlive:countless.
ThenumberofphonecallsI’dgottenfrommygrandma,Catherine:three.
Andletmetellyou,thatwasthreephonecallsmorethanIwanted.AsmuchasIwishedIcould,Icouldn’tavoidherforeternity,butIdidputofftalkingtoherasmuchasIcould.
And,umm…thenumberofladderclimbsI’ddoneinthefirstfewdaysafterOliveleft…well…thatwouldbeeight.Bydaythree,I’dclimbedthatladderatotalofeighttimes.Noeyerolling,please.Whatwouldyouhavedone?Don’ttellmeyouwouldn’tbecurious.Thereisnofuckingwayyou’dshrugandsaywhatever,I’lljustpretendhedoesn’texist—notifthenext-doorneighborwasAdamConnor.
Anyway.Ididn’tseetheguyuntilthefourthdayanyway,soyoucanholdoffonthejudging.
Ihadjustventuredoutside,aprettycoffeemuginonehandandaprintedcopyofoneoftheoffersOlivehadgottenfromoneofthebigfivepublishersintheotherwhenIheardtheunmistakablesoundofachild’sgiggle.Obviously,Ihadtodropeverythingandgoinvestigate,becausethat’swhatgoodhousesittersdo.Whatifitwasn’takid’sgigglebutthievesI’dheard?Thingslikethattotallyhappenallthetime,andsinceI’magoodfriend,Ilookedintoit.Obviouslymyonlyintentionwastoprotectmybestfriend’shouse
ItriedtobeasquietaspossiblewhenInearedthewallandstartedclimbingup.RaisingmyheadjustenoughsoIcouldseewhatwasgoingonontheotherside,Ispottedmypreyjuststeppingoutintothebackyard.
“Holymotherof…”
Tryingnottolosemybalance,Ireachedformyphone—whichIhadofcourseconcealedinmybra—foundOlive’sname,andhitdial.
“Hello?”
“I’minlove,”Iadmittedinarush.
“Thatwasquick.Ithoughtyouwereneversayingthosewordstoanothermanagain.”
“Thisonecanhaveanythingandeverythinghewantsfromme.”
“Who’stheluckyguy?AnddidyouhavetofindhimwhenIwasn’ttheretoapprove?”
Iignoredherquestionandinsteadsaid,“IhaveaquestionforJason.Couldyoupleasebesokindastorelayittohim?”
Inanamusedtone,shesaid,“I’lltry.Hitme.”
“WheredotheybreedtheseHollywoodpeople?Like,isthereafarmwecanvisittopickouttheoneswelikebest?Iwouldjustliketohavealook-see.Ifthereisaplacelikethatandyou’vebeenkeepingitfromme…I’mnotsureIcanbeyourfriendanymore.”
Olivelaughed.“I’mnotawareofitsexistence,butI’llaskforyou.Didyouhavesomeoneinmind?”
“Yes,actually.Howniceofyoutoask,mybeautifulandsmartfriend.Andbeforeyougetmadatme,justlookatthis,”Isaidbeforequicklytakingashotofwhatwashappeninginfrontofmyeyes.
“What?Whatdidyoudo,Lucy?”
“Nothing.Havealittlefaithinyourfriend.Justsentyouapic.Openit.”
“Okay.Givemeasec.”
Iloweredthephoneandkeptmyeyesontheduoinfrontofme.Oh,youwannaknowwhatIwasseeing,too?
Iwaslookingatahalf-nakedAdamConnor.Hehadtheselooseshortsonthatsatdangerouslylow,andhewasshowingmethoseimpressivearmandshouldermusclesashedidpushupswithagigglingkidsittingonhisback.Itwasaprivateshowjustforme.
Howconsiderateofhim,Iknow.
“Imight’vejustdrooledalittlebit.MyGod,thosearms,”Igroaned.
“Whatareyoueventalkingabout?”Oliveasked.“I’mtryingtoopenthepicture—shit.”
“Izoomedinonthosemuscles.Youcanthankmelater.”
“Lucy…”Shesighed.
“What?”
“Youshouldn’tbeupthere.”
“Notwithoutyou,youmean.”
Therewasashortsilence,thenshesaid,“Yes,andthatisonlybecausebestfriendsdon’tletyoudostupidthingsalone.”
“Riiiight.I’llletyoustickwiththat.”
Thekidhoppedoffhisbackandscreamed,“Youdidit,Daddy!”Heclappedhishandsexcitedly.Hisdaddyhaddefinitelydonesomethingtomypanties,allright.AdamConnor,thatmountainofaman,gotupoffthegroundandsmileddownathiskid,rufflinghishair.Thekidjumpedupandtheyhigh-fived,thenhesaidsomethingtohishot-as-fuckdadandraninside.Leaningdown,Adamgrabbedatowelfromoneoftheloungechairsandstartedwipingoffthesweatfromhischestandabs.
“DearLord,I’mdonefor,”Iwhisperedintothephone.
“What’shedoing?Tellme,”Olivewhisperedback.
“Iwannalickhimup,Olive.Likereallybad.Iwannapeelhimlikeabananaand…”
“Tellme!”
“Jesus,don’tyell,”IsaidquietlybeforeIstartedtodescribewhatwasgoingonjustnexttoherbackyard.“Hissonraninside,butheiswipingoffhisabswithatowelrightnow.He’ssosweaty.Olive…hehasaV!HehasadamnnearperfectV.”
“Isthereadifferentkind?”
“Yes.Yes,definitely.Somejustlookwrong.Buthis…mygreenOlive,thoseshoulders…IthinkI’vediedandjuststeppedintoheaven.Evenhishairisfuckable.Doesthatevenmakesense?Notahugefanofblonds,buthisdarkhoneyblondhairisdoingitforme.It’salmostbrownanyway.Jesus,Iwannagetunderhimandholdontothoseshouldersandjustlethimpound—”
“Lucy,calmdownanddon’tyoudarefinishthatsentence,”Olivewarned,butitwastoolate.
“Ihaveto,”Isaid,whiningalittle.“Ihavetosayitsoitcancometrue.Poundme.Iwannaholdonandjustlethimpoundme.”
“You’re…Idon’tevenknowwhatyouare,”shesaid,laughing.
“Andthereisabulge,Olive.”IgroanedquietlyasAdamfacedmeandstartedstretchinghisarmswithhiseyesclosedandhisheadthrownback.“SweetJesus,evenhisthroatissexy.Andthereisabigbulge,Olive.”
“Ishehard?”
“No—hell,Idon’tknow,butitcouldn’tpossiblybethatbigwhenheissoft.”
Oh,dearLord,pleasedon’tlethimhavebigballsandasmalldick…
IwonderedifIwouldgetarrestedifIjusthoppedoverthewall,rantohissidewhilehiseyeswereclosed,andpulleddownhisshorts.Theywouldn’tcountacaseofextremecuriosityasacrime,right?Hell,maybewhathewaspackingintherewouldbeworththetimeI’dspendbehindbars,daydreamingabouthiscock.
Hiskidcamerunningoutside,andIshookmyheadtoclearmymind.Thekidwaswearingtheexactsameshortshisdadwaswearing.Theonlyadditionwasawhiteshirt,probablytoprotecthimfromtheunexpectedchill.Neverlosingthebigsmileonhisface,hehandedhisfuck-abledaddyawaterbottle,andIwatchedhimgulpitdowninonechug.
Icould’veusedsomecoldwatermyself,butwasanyonethinkingaboutme?Nope.
ThenIwatchedAdamslowlylowerhimselfdownagain,thistimeonhisperfectlybite-ableass.
“Lucy?Youstillthere?”
“Yeah.Awww,lookatthat.”
“What?”
“Heisdoingsit-upsnowandthekidishugginghiskneeswithhislittlearmsandcounting.”
“Awww.Picture.Picture.”
“Okay,holdon.”
Itookanotherphotoandsentit.
“Thereisdefinitelyabulge,”IaddedasItriedtoshiftonmyfeettogetabetterlook.“Heisdefinitelyhung.”
“Hiskidisthere,Lucy.”
“And?Howdoyouthinkhecreatedthatkid?Dowehavetotalkaboutwherebabiescomefromagain?”
Olivelaughedinmyear,andIsmiled,picturinghershakingherheadatme
“Oh,shoot.Jasoniscomingup;Ihavetogo.”
“Up?Whereareyou?”
“Inbed.Thereweresomefanscampedoutinfrontofthehotelwhenwecamebackfromalatedinner,andhewentdowntosignafewthingsforthemsotheywouldn’tspendthenightoutthere.”
“Gotit.WellI’llletyougothen,havefunwiththecrazyfans.”
“Youtoo.Oh,heishere.I’mhangingupnow.Getdownfromthere.”
Andthelinewentdead.
Ispentafewmoreminuteswatchingtheperfectionthatwasadadandhissonspendingtimetogether,thenreluctantlygotdownandwentinsidetoworkonthoseofferssomemore.
Afterthatencounter,Ispentmostofmytimeupthere,checkingthingsout.WasIproudofmyself?Eh,maybenotsomuch.Butdoyouknowwhat’shotterthanwatchingAdamConnorworkoutinhisbackyardeveryday?Watchinghimspendtimewithhisson.Instantreasontojumphisbones.Instant.Hewaspracticallydanglinghimselfinfrontofme,daringme.
Certainlyitwasn’tmyfaultthatIwasaweakhumanbeing,andaslongasIdidn’thurtanyone,itcouldn’tbethatwrong,couldit?
Soitwasmylastdayalone,andIwasuponmyperchagain,watchingmytemporaryneighborsasdiscreetlyasIcouldasAdamjumpedintothepool.ThelittleversionofhimsatononeoftheloungechairsplayingwithhisiPad,kickinghislittlelegseverynowandthen.Holdingontotheladder,Irestedmychinonthewallandstayedvigilant.Repeatingtheprocesseverydayfortherestoftheweek.
Becauseyouneverknow,right?
ChapterFourAdam
Iswamtotheotherendofthepoolandcameupforair.Myarmmuscleswereburning,andthepoundinginmyheadwasgettingworseasthehoursslippedby.IwipedthewateroffmyeyesandspottedAidensittinginthesameexactspothe’dbeenoccupyingforthelastthirtyminutes,eyesfocusedonhisiPad,facehappy.
Ilookedoverhisheadandmyeyescaughtsightofhisnanny,Anne,standingjustoutsidethedoorofthehouse.Wehadtwonannies.TheotheronewasMarta.ShestayedwithAdeline,halfnanny,halfassistanttoAdeline,andAnnestayedwithuswhenitwasmyweekwithAiden.Shegavemeashysmile,andInoddedather.ItwasgoodthatshewaskeepinganeyeonAiden.
Leisurely,Iswambacktomyson’sside,makingsuretosplashsomewaterclosetohisseatbeforeIgotout.Hewaslookingoverhisshoulderandlaughingatsomething.WhenherealizedIwasclose,hetookoffhisheadphonesandgrinnedatme.
Justlookingathimconstrictedsomethinginmychest.
“What’sup,bud?”Iasked,walkingtowardhim.
“I’mbathinginthesun,justlikeMommy.”
Ichuckled.“Goodforyou.”
“Areyoureadytodopushupsnow,Daddy?”
“Nottoday,buddy,”IsaidasIreachedhissideandgrabbedmytowel.
HelostthebigsmileonhisfaceandgentlyputhisiPaddown.“AmInotagoodteacher?”
“Notteacher,trainer,”Iremindedhim.
“Didyoufindanewtrainer?Icandobetter.Ireallycan,Daddy.Icanworkyouharder.”
Ilaughedquietlyandsatnexttohim.“WhywouldIlookforsomeonenewwhenIhaveyou?You’reworkingmereallyhard,littleman.Icanbarelykeepup.”
Theworryinhiseyesdisappeared,andhepattedmyarmwithhislittlehand.“Okay,youcanresttoday.Canwedopushupstomorrowifyouresttoday?”
“Ihavetotakeyoubacktoyourmomtoday,remember?”
Copyingme,hesatupandrestedhiselbowsonhisknees.Hisfeetdidn’tevenreachthegroundyet.Aftergivingmeaquickglance,hesmackedhishandonhisknee.“Oh,man.Tomorrow?Willyoucomeandtakemetomorrowsowecandopushups?”
“Youhaveschooltomorrow,Aiden.”
“Oh,”hewhispered,andhiseyesdroppedtotheground.“YouthinkMomwillletmecomebackhereafterschoolsoIcanhelpyoudopushups?”
“Howaboutweworkouttogetherwhenyoucomebacknextweek?”
“CanItellmyfriendsI’myourteach—trainer?”
“Ofcourse.”
Hejumpeddownandstartedbouncingonhisfeet,everythingokayinhislittleworldagain.“They’regonnabesojealouswhentheyseemymuscles!”Heliftedhisarmupandflexedhisimpressivelittlemuscles,pressingandproddingwithhisindexfinger.
ThemoreIlookedathim,themorepersistenttheacheinmychestgot
Christ!
WhywouldAdelinedothistome?Whywouldshehurtmebylimitingmytimewithmysonwhenshehadnointerestinspendingtimewithhim?
Almostsixmonthsbefore,she’dsatrightacrossfrommeinahotelroominCanadaandtoldmesheneededtogetadivorce.Itwascompletelyunexpected;hell,I’dfuckedherhardandfastonlytwentyminutesbeforethat.Thinkingshewasmessingwithme,Iwasstupidenoughtolaugh,getupfrommyseat,andpressakissonherforehead.
Irememberjokinglysaying,“You’rebreakingmyheart,sweetheart,”butwhensheroseupandfacedmewiththatseriouslookonherface—thatlookwhereshestayedsilentuntilyouunderstoodwhatshewanted,whatsheneeded,andgaveittoher—Iknewshemeantit.
Wetalkeduntilthesuncameup,andshetoldmebecomingamomsoyounghadkilledhercreativity.Shetoldmeshewasn’taspassionateabouthercareerassheusedtobe,andthatitwasAiden’sfault,thathewastakingoverherlife.Sheexplainedthatshewantedtogobacktothetimeswhereshedidn’thavetoauditionforthemovieshewantedtobein;shewantedthemtobehandedtoher.Sheexplainedinnotsomanywordsthatshewasstartingtoregretthedecisionshehadmadefiveyearsbefore,thatshehadmadethewrongdecision,thatshecouldn’tbondwithAiden.Andthensheremindedme,againinnotsomanywords,thatwhileshewashappyourmarriagedidn’tseemtohaveanegativeeffectonmycareer,itwastimeforhertobethemostsought-afteractressinHollywoodagain.
Aidenhadn’tbeeninourplans,notwhenwewerebothatthepeakofourcarriers.Wewereyoung,successful,andinlove.Theworldwasourplayground,butthenapregnancychangedeverything.Adelineherselfmadesureitchangedeverything.BeforeIcouldwrapmyheadaroundbeingadad,Iwasmarried.Sure,Iwasinlovewithher.Shewasmyworldandallthatcrapyoubelieveattheageoftwenty-three,butwhenIwatchedherwalkdownthataisletowardme,itdidn’tfeelasrightasitshould’vefelt.
Itwasearly.
Ifelttrapped.
Itwasasetup,anditwasnecessary
ButIlearnedtoignorethatgutfeelingI’dhadforthatbriefmomentandtoldmyselftherewasnoreasonforustowaitwhenwelovedeachotherenough.AfewyearsdowntheroadIwould’vemarriedheranyway,right?
SoImarriedthegirlIlovedforanunbornlittlebabybecausewecouldn’thaveascandalasbigasAiden.Thatwaswhatmyownfamilyhadtoldme.
Myfacemust’vehardened,’causeIfelttinyfingerspullingonmyfaceandpattingmycheeks.“Canweswimnow,Daddy?”Aidenasked,lookingintomyeyes.
“Ithoughtyoudidn’twanttoswim.”
“Ididn’t,butnowIdo.SpongeBobisover,sowecanswimnow.”
“Wehavethreehourstogetyoubacktoyourmom,Aiden.It’sgonnahavetobeaquickswim,okay?Thenyou’llhelpAnnepackthetoysyouwanttotakewithyou.”
Henoddedeagerlyandgavemeaquickkissthatmeltedmyheart.
“Gogetyourarmfloats,”Isaidinagruffvoice,andheranoff,squealing.
Aiden’sversionofswimmingwassittingonthesecondhigheststep,splashingwater,playingwithhistoys,andpretendingtobeswimmingforatotaloftensecondsashekickedandpunchedthewater.Ouroldhouse—thehousethatwasnowAdeline’s—didn’thaveapool,sowhenhefirstcametostaywithmeandsawone,hewasecstatic.Learninghowtoswim,however…hedidn’tlikethatatall.
Fiveminutesintoourpooltime,Dancameout.
“Dan,lookatme!Look!”Aidenyelled,pumpinghisarmsfuriouslyasheshowedoffhisswimmingskillstoourlongtimebodyguardandfriend.AtleastIhadgottenhimoutofthedivorce.
“Lookatyougo,bigman,”Dansaidashecametostandnexttous.
“Slowdown,Aiden,”Isaid,helpinghimsitdownonthestepsbeforehehithischin.HeglancedupatDanandgavehimabiggrin.
“Didyouseeme?DidyouseehowgoodIwas?”
“Idid.Welldone,bigman.”
“ButdidyouseehowfastIwas?”
Dannodded.“You’repracticallyafishnow.”
Aidendoubledoverandlaughed,hiseyesbigandhappy.“I’mnotafish,Dan.”Hegotupandliftedhisarms.“I’maboy,look!”
Ashislaughterdieddown,hefocusedonhistoysandmadeallkindsofnoisesashedippedhisplaneinandoutofthewater.
LeavingAidenwithhistoys,ImovedtoDan’sside.“Somethingwrong?”
Frowning,helookedoverhisshoulderthenturnedbacktome.“No.Michelhasbeenlightingupyourphoneforthelasthour.Ithoughtyou’dwanttoknow.”
“Fuck,”Igroaned.“Iforgotabouthim.”
“Youwantmetohandleit?”
“No,it’sokay.Ineedtoaskhimsomethingfirst.”TurningawayfromDan,IdraggedacomplainingAidenoutofthepoolandtookoffhisarmfloats.“Dryyourselfoff,thenyou’regoingintohelpAnne.”
“ButIjustgotin,Daddy.Please!Fivemoreminutes.”
Icroucheddowninfrontofhimandwrappedhiminabigtowel.
“You’llhavemoretimenextweek,okay?I’llteachyouhowtoswimwithoutthearmfloats.”
ThecloserwegottothetimeI’dhavetodropAidenoffatAdeline’s,themoodierIgot.I’dspentmyentiremorningclosedupinastudio,goingoversomevoiceoversthedirectorwantedmetoredo.ThesecondMatthewhadsaidhehadwhatheneededfromme,I’dracedbackhomesoIcouldbewithAidenforthelastfewhoursIhadhim.Sinceourdivorcehadbeenfinalized,allI’dbeendoingwasrunningaround,tryingtomakeenoughtimeforAidenwhilejugglingalltheshootingandpromoting.Thankfully,weweregettingclosertowrappingthingsupforTheOnlyHour,andIwaslookingforwardtotakingabreatherandspendingsometimewithAiden.FirstIhadtodosomethingaboutthecustodyissuethatwasalwaysinthebackofmymind.
Aidenwasagoodkid.He’dalwaysbeenthatway,evenbeforethedivorce,butlatelythemesswe’dmadewasstartingtogettohim.Hedidn’tactout,didn’tthrowcryingfitslikeotherkidswould’vedone,buteverytimeIdroppedhimoffatAdeline’splace,he’dgetthisscaredlookonhisface,asifIwasleavinghimthereforgoodandthiswouldbethelasttimehe’deverseeme.EverynightImadesuretocallhimsohecouldhearmyvoicebeforehewenttosleep,andeverysingletimehebrokesomethinginmebyaskingifIwouldpromisetocomegethimsoon.
Especiallyhearingthoseunsurewords,thinkingaboutanentireweekwhereIwouldn’thavehimwithme…fuck,butitwasstartingtogettome.
TrustingAidenwouldlistentomeandfollowusinside,IheadedbackinwithDan.
WhenIsawAnneinthekitchenwithherphoneinherhand,Iremindedherthatwewouldhavetoleavesoon.Shenoddedandwalkedpastmetowardthebackyard.
“Givemefive.I’llcheckthefrontgatetoseeifthereareanypaparazzihidingaround—Iflushedoutthreethismorning.ThenI’llgetthecarready,”Dansaidandwalkedoutside.
Nodding,IreturnedMichel’scalls.
“Wherehaveyoubeen?I’vebeentryingtoreachyousincethismorning,Adam.”
“Whatdoyouneed,Michel?”
“Italkedtoyourparentsandtheythinkit’sabetterideatogoaheadwiththepressreleasetocutofftherumorsaboutthecustodyissue,Adam.Weneedtodenyit,andweneedtodenyittoday.Youshouldconsiderdoingthistheirway.”
MichelwastheheadofthepublicityteamthathadhandledtheConnorfamilybusinessforthelasttenyears,butourtimetogetherhadcometoanend.Itwould’vebeenbetterifI’dhadthetimetohandleitfacetoface,butIdidn’thavetimetogotohisofficeandfirehimthereinperson.Igrittedmyteethandlistenedasheexplainedwhattheyhadcomeupwith.
“Michel,I’mdonedoingthingsthewaymyparentswant.I’vetoldyouthatathousandtimes.Lookwheretheygotmewiththeirplans.”
“Iunderstandwhereyou’recomingfrom,Adam.Still,thinkaboutitandgetbacktome.”Eitherhewasignoringmywordsorjustdismissingthementirely.“Ifyouthinkapressreleasewon’tbeintimateenough,we’llsecureyouafewinterviewsonafewselectshows.Withtheamountofrequestswe’regetting,youcanhaveyourpickofthem.Letmeseewho’dbethebestchoiceinthissituation.”
“Michel—”
“Givemeonesecond.HowaboutJamesHolden?Hejusttookoverthelatenightshowandhisnumbersaregoingstrong.We’llprovidehimwiththequestionssothingswon’tgetoutofhand.”
“Michel,”Istartedagainashefiredmorenamesatme.Iopenedthefridgeandreachedforawaterbottle.MichelhadbeenafamilyfriendevenbeforebecomingtheheadofthePRteam,whichwaswhymyparentswereokaywithhimknowingalmosteverysecrettheyweretryingtohidefromthemedia.Itwasn’tthattheguywasn’tgoodathisjob;actually,hewasoneofthebestintheindustry.Healreadyhadalonglistofclientswaitingforhimtotakethemon,andIwasabouttomakesomeone’sdaybyopeningupaspotforthem.“Witheverythingthat’sbeengoingon,Iforgottoask—areyoustillrepresentingAdeline?”
Thelinewentquietforabeat.“WhatdoyoumeanamIstillrepresentingyourwife?”
Igroundmyteeth.“Ex-wife.”
“I’msorry,Adam.Ittakesgettingusedto,youknow.Well,ofcoursewe’restillrepresentingAdeline.Actually,ItalkedtoHelenaearliertodayandshethinksit’ssmarterforyoutwotogetinfrontofthecamerastogetherandshowtheworldthatyou’reaunitedfront,thatyou’llalwaysdowhat’sbestforAidenandstayfriends,butIassumedyouwouldn’tgoforthat.Isthatwhyyouasked?”
“No.”Hisuseoftheword‘world’raisedmyhacklesagain,asifIgaveashitwhattheworldthoughtofmyrelationshipwithAdeline.Imanagedtokeepmyangerundercontrolandcontinued.“Therewon’tbeanyneedforschedulinginterviews,Michel.”ItappedmyknucklesonthecounterafterIputthewaterbottledown.“Iknowyou’regoodatwhatyoudo,andIwishIhadthetimetodothisfacetoface,butI’vedecidedtogetadifferentPRteam.”
“Givemeasecond,myofficeistoocrowdedrightnow.”Iheardadoorclickshut.“Whatdoyoumean?IsthatwhyyouaskedaboutAdeline?IcanputtogetheranotherteamtohandleherPRifthat’stheproblem.”
“That’snotnecessary.Youcankeepheron.Ijustthinkit’stimewewentourseparateways.Youdoagreatjobformyparents,andfromwhatIcanseeinthemedia,forAdelinetoo,butIdon’tthinkwe’reagoodfitanymore.”
“Adam,whydon’tyoucomedowntomyofficesowecantalkaboutwhatyouwant?Thisisn’ttherighttimeforyoutomakebigchangeslikethisortobeirresponsibleinyourlife.Youneedtofocusonyourimageandletyourteamhandletherest.IhighlysuggestwecreateanopportunitywheretheycansnapsomephotosofyouandAdelinewithAiden.”
Iletoutalong,humorlesslaughandshookmyhead.“Youreallyhaveyourprioritiesstraight,don’tyou?Unfortunately,you’renotthathighonmylist,Michel.Yes,I’vehadtomakebigchangeslately,butthisisdefinitelynotoneofthem.I’llhavemyattorneyscontactyouaboutourcontract,andwe’lltakeitfromthere.You’reabeast,Michel,youreallyareaPRguru,butit’sjustnotworkinganymore.”
Ignoringhiswords,Iendedthecallandfeltlikeahugeweighthadliftedoffmyshoulders.Thiswastheeasystep.FindinganotherPRfirmwasgoingtobeadifferentnightmarealtogether,oneIdidn’tcareforbutknewwasnecessary.
NoticingDancomebackinside,Iheadedformyroomtotakeaquickshowerandchange.
ChapterFiveLucy
Sincemyfeetwerestartingtokillmefromstandingontheladderforalmostanhour,whenIsawAdamheadinginside,IwasjustaboutreadytogetdownandheadinsidemyselfsoIcouldbakesomechocolatechipcookiesforOliveandJasonbeforetheyarrived—oratleastgiveitmybesttry—asathankyouforlettingmestaywiththem.
Butinsteadoffollowinghisfather,thekidstayedback,soIassumedAdamwascomingbacktoo.However,thatdidn’thappen.InsteadofAdam,thegirlI’dseenaroundafewtimes—presumablythenanny—calledouttotheboyandthendisappearedbackinside.
Prettysuretheday’sfestivitieswereover,Itookastepdown.Whenmyeyecaughtthekidglancingbackatthehouseandthenbackatthepool,Ihesitated.Whywouldtheyleavehimouttherealone?Thinkingafewmoreminuteswouldn’thurtthecookie-makingprocess,Idecidedtowait.SuddenlytheboysmiledandreachedforthearmfloatsAdamhadtakenoffhim.
Speakingoftakingthingsoff,Imighthavepicturedhimtakingsomething—anythingreally—offmeafewtimeshereandthere.I’mshameless,Iknow.Can’thelpit;theguylookedtoolickableforhisowngoodwhenhewashalf-naked.
Afterafewtries,thekidmanagedtopulloneofthemon,leavingitaroundhiselbow.However,thesecondone…despitemultipleattempts,hecouldn’tgetthatoneon.Soasanyotherkidhisagewould,hegaveupandchuckeditaway.Whenhetookhisfirststepintothepoolfromtheshallowend,Istartedtogetnervous.Surelyheknowshowtoswim,right?Imean,surehehadarmfloatsonwheneverIsawhimgetinthewater,buttheywould’vetaughthim,right?TheyprobablyhadanOlympicpoolattheirhouse—theonehiswifewaslivinginrightnow—notthatIwaskeepingtrackoranything.
Whenthewaterreachedalmosttohischest,Istartedtopanicearnestly.Thatfloatdidn’tlooksecureonhisarmatall,andifhedidn’tknowhowtoswim,wouldonearmfloatevenkeephimabovethewater?Ontopofallthat,thekiddidn’tlooktoosureinthewater.
Riskinggettingcaught,Itriedtogethisattention.
“Psssstttt!Hey,kid!Hello?”
Hefinallyheardmeandlookedstraightatme.
DidheknowI’dbeenstakedoutoverthewallfordays?
Grinning,hewavedatme.
Shit!
BeforeIhadenoughtimetopanicandgetdownfromthedamnladder,thekidjustwentforitandhoppedin,facefirst,armssplashingandlegskicking.FromwhatI’dseenthelastfewdays,thatwasprettymuchhisstyle,butwhenthefloatslippedoffhisarmbecauseofthewayhemoved…myheartjustaboutstopped.
AtfirstheseemedokayandIwasabletobreatheagain;heknewhowtoswimafterall…butthenitallwenttohell.Hepanicked,hisheaddisappearedunderthewater,anditwasquietforasecond…astillnessthatwastoomuchformetotake.Thenhecameup—ormorelikehisheadcameupwhilehisarmsflailed,eyesbigwithfear.
“Shit.”Cursing,Iclimbedthelasttwostepsandlookedaround.Nope,noonewascomingout.Hell,nooneevenknewanythingwaswrong.
“Shit!Fuck!Shit!”MakingsureIwascursingrepeatedly—because,trustme,thesituationmostdefinitelyrequiredthat—IstraddledthewallasfastasIcouldandbasicallytumbleddowntherestoftheway.
Ilandedonmyhandsandknees,myphoneafewfeetaway,myfaceinchesawayfromtheground,andbeforeIcouldgetup,thekiddisappearedunderthewateragain.
“Jesus,”Imoanedbeforegettingupandblindlyrunningtogettohim.Iyelled,“Wherethehellareyou,people?”butdidn’tseeanyonecomingoutofthedamnhouse.WhenIhitthewater,hisheadcameupagain,hisarmsbarelysplashingwateranymoreashegulpedforair.Ifhehadjuststayedcalm,hewould’venoticedthathewasabletostayafloat,buthowcanyouexpectafive-year-oldnottopanicandgetscaredwhenhecouldn’tfindhisfooting?
Ijumpedinandswamtowardhim.Ithadallhappenedinmaybefifteenseconds,twentytops,andwhenIcaughthimunderhisarmsandheldhisheadabovethewatersohecouldbreathe,myheartwasjustaboutreadytoflyoutofmychest.
Thosefewsecondshadshavedoffatleasttenyearsofmylife.Hell,myyouthwaspracticallygone.Iwasfullyintherighttodemandpaymentfromthesexy-as-helldadintheformoforgasms.
FinallyIhitthestepsandgatheredhiminmyarms.Thekid,probablyscaredoutofhismind,threwhisarmsaroundmyneckandheldonfordearlifeashecoughedandtookbigbreathsofairinbetween.Outofthepool,Idroppeddowntomykneessohecouldfeelsaferwhenhisfeethittheground,buteventhenhedidn’tletgoofme.
“It’sokay,”Iassuredhim.IhadtountanglehisarmsfrommynecksoIcouldtakealookathisfaceandmakesurehewasallright.“It’sokay.You’regood.”
Hetookastepback,lookedatmewiththosebiggreeneyes,andthennoddedashislipsstartedwobbling.Ipressedahandtomyrapidlyrisingandfallingchestanddroppedonmyass.“Youpracticallygavemeaheartattack,kid.”
Hisfacecrumpledandthetearsstartedcomingdown.Itsoundedprettybadtooashewasstillhavingahardtimecatchinghisbreath.
Notknowingwhatelsetodo,Ihuggedhim,andheburiedhisfaceinmyneck.“Ah,don’tcry,kiddo.You’reokaynow.”
ThentherewereshoutsandAdamConnorwasrunningtowardus.Aidenheardhisvoiceandletgoofme,propellinghimselfintohisfather’sarmsashissobsbecamelouder.Thenthebodyguardandthenannycamerunningjustbehindhim.Igotupandtriedtoforceasmileonmyface,butIwasnotfeelingsmileyatall.
Iwasn’tsureifIshouldstartyellingattheidiotnannyortheDILFhimself.
AdamcrushedAidenagainsthischestandwrappedhislegsaroundhiswaist,allthewhilekeepinghispalmatthebackofhishead.Thekidlookedevensmallerinhisfather’sarmsashisbodyrockedwithbarelyheldbacksobs.Adam’seyesmetmine,andthestupidmethoughthewasthankful,soIsmiledalittlebigger.And…well,don’tshootme,buttheguywasseriouslyoneofthefinestguysI’deverlaidmydamneyeson,sotheremight’vebeensometinglinggoingoninthelowerregionsofmybody,too.
Thesmiling,though…wrongmove.
“Dan.”Adamgrittedhisteethandthegiantofabodyguardsteppedinfrontofthemlikeabigbearprotectinghiscubs.“Howdidshegetinhere?”
Ticked,hurt,anddrippingwet,Isaid,“Sheisstandingrighthere,andyou’rewelcome.”
HiseyesthrewdaggersatmeasifIwereanunwelcomeratinhishouse—and,well,whenyouputitlikethat,maybeIwas,butIhadn’ttumbledintohisbackyardforshitsandgiggles;Ihadjustsavedhisson’slife.
KeepingAideninhisarms,heturnedtotheditzynannyandordered,“Callthecops,Anne.Tellthemwehaveasituationwithastalker.”
“Astalker?”Ibalked,comingoutofmytrance.
AdamslicedhiseyestomeandthenbarkedatAnne.“Doit!”
“O-kay.Okay.I’mso-rry,Mr.Connor.”
“Youshouldbesorry,”Isaid,takingastepforward.Hereyesmetmine,butthenshequicklylookedawayandgotonwithcallingthedamncops.Takingasteptowardthemwasapparentlythewrongmove.Ididn’tevengettofullytakemylittlestepbecausethegiantputhishandonmyshoulderandpushedmeback.
“Hey!”IscreamedasItumbledback,myhandrubbingthespot.“Areyoucrazy?”
“Stepback.”
WhileIwasfightingformylife,Annefinallydidsomethingrightandinvitedthecopstoourlittleparty.Iwantedthemtocomeandarrestsomeone.Adamturnedandhandedthecryingboyovertoherandtoldher—notsonicely—togethiminside.I’mtellingyou,thewholethingwasplayingoutlikeabadmovie,andsomehowIhadendedupbeingthevillain.
“Ijustsavedyourson,youidiot,andthisishowyousaythankyou?Bycallingthecops?”
“Don’ttalk,”thegiantsaid,standinglikeabrickwallinfrontofme,hisarmscrossedoverhischest,obscuringmyviewofAdam.
“Whatdoyoumeandon’ttalk?”Iasked,myvoicegettinghigher.“Allofyoujustlefthimhere,andhewasgoingtodrown.Lookatme!”Iyelled,openingmyarmswideandlookingdownatmyself.“Ididn’tjustdecidetobreakintotakeadipinthepool.Iwastryingtosavehisson.”
“Soyouadmittotrespassing.”ThebodyguardshookhisheadwhilelookingatmelikeIwasthenastiestbughe’deverseen.
Goddamnit!
“I’vehaditwithyoupeople,”Adamsaidfinally,comingtostandnexttohisbodyguard.Helookedjustasmajesticnexttothegiant.
Imbecilehormones.
“Look,”Istarted,tryingtocalmthesituationdown.“Whydon’tyougoinandaskyourson?I’msurehe’lltellyouexactlywhathappened.”
“ThehellIwill.Doyouknowhowscaredhegetswhensomethinglikethishappens?Itoleratethisshitwhenithappenstome,butyouwenttoofarbygettingclosetohim,touchinghim.”
“OhmyGod,touchinghim?You’remakingitsoundlikeIwasdoingsomethingtohim!Areyouallcrazy?Hewasallwettoo,didn’tyousee?Hegotinthepoolafteryouleft.Ijustscaledadamnwalltogettohimbecauseyouidiotsaretheoneswholefthimherealone.”
Adamshookhisheadandgavemeadisgustedlook.“Tellyourstorytoyourlawyerwhenhevisitsyouatthestation.”
Igroanedandranmyhandsthroughmywetandtangledhair.“You’renothearingme,”Isaidthroughmygrittedteethasangerpulsedthroughmybody.“Yoursonwasdrowning.Isawhimpanicanddisappearunderthewater.”
“Yousawhim?Soyouwerewatchingus.Great.”Heturnedhisheadandsaid,“Dan,findhercamera.Idon’twantanyshotsofAidentoleak.”
Thebodyguardleft,andIstomped,actuallystomped.Theotheroptionwastodosomethingelse,somethingthatwouldcausebodilyharm,andIassumedthatwouldn’tgoovertoowellwiththebastardandthegiant.
“That’swhatyouheardfromwhatIjustsaid?Ontopofeverythingelse,areyoudeaftoo?”
Somethingchanged,sharpenedinAdam’sface,andIclampedmymouthshut.
“Ifoundherphone,boss.”
Myhandflewtomychest,andIrealizedmyphonewasn’tnestledinthereanymore.
Adam’seyesnarrowedonme.“Checkherphotos.”
Iavoidedhiseyesandwentformyphone.Adam’shandclampedonmywrist,andhestoppedmyforwardmovementbytwistingmyarmupandbetweenourbodies.ThesecondItriedtowrenchitaway,hisfingerstightened,andhepulledmetohisbody,holdinghisfaceinchesaway.
“Iwouldn’tdothatifIwereyou.”
Takeadeepbreath,Lucy.Calmdown.
Clenchingmyfist,Idrewinadeepbreathandreleaseditbeforespeaking.“Youhavenoright.”
Heraisedaneyebrowandlookeddeepintomyeyes.Shit!Hehadnorighttohavesuchdeepgreeneyes.Whatafreakingwasteonthisschmuck.Hottestcelebritymyass.
“Right?You’retalkingtomeaboutwhatrightIdoordonothave?”
Okay,maybethatwasn’tthebestargumenttomake,buthestillhadnorighttogothroughmyphone.Right?
IgavehimthedirtiestlookI’devergivenanylivingordeadcreatureandquietlysaid,“Fuck.You.”
Amuscletickedinhisjaw.“That’swhyyou’rehere,isn’tit?You’ddoanythingtotakeyourfucking.”
Mymouthdroppedopen.Theaudacityoftheasshole!BeforeIcouldsayanything,hisbodyguardcametostandnexttous.
“LookslikethereareafewpicturesofyouwithAiden,Adam,andnotallofthemarefromtoday.”
Adam’shandtightenedaroundmywrist,andheglareddownatme.
Iliftedmychinhighupanddidn’tgiveanyexplanations.
“Thecopsarehere.”Anne’svoicecamefrominsidethehouse,interruptingourstaredown.Littlebitch.Theassholeshould’vethrownhertothecops,notme.
“Idon’twantthemtowalkherthroughthehouse.Tellthemtocomebackherethroughtheside,”Adaminstructed,andAnnescurriedaway.
“Youcanlethergo,Adam.Goandtellthemwhat’sgoingon.I’llmakesureshestaysput.”
Hemetmyeyesagain,butspoketohisbodyguard.“No,Igother.”Ihatedhimformakingmeshiver.ThinkingIwastryingtoshakehimoff,hepulledmeflushtohischest.“Yougo.”
Nipplealert!
IlookedawayfromAdam’saccusingeyesandwatchedthegiantleave.
Thewholethingwasturningintoanightmare.
“Look.”Isighedandlookeduptomeethisridiculouslygreeneyes.“I’mnotyourstalker.”Heopenedhismouth,butItalkedoverhim.“Iknow.Iknowwhatitlookslike,butI’mtellingyouthetruth.MynameisLucy.LucyMeyer.I’mstayingnextdoor.Rightthere.”IpointedtowardOlive’shousewithmyshakyindexfinger.Hisexpressiondidn’tchangeabit,thehandsomebastard,butatleasthewaslistening,soIcontinuedwithmyexplanation.“JasonThorn?Heardofhim?Heisanactorjustlikeyourself,onlyheisalotmoregood-lookingthanyouareandactuallyhasakindheart,ringanybells?”
Noanswers,noacknowledgements.Apparentlyhehadnohumor.
“Hegotmarriedthisyear.ToOlive.Sheismybestfriend.I’mtheirfriend.I’mstayingwiththem.Youcanaskthemyourself.”
“Andwherearethesebestfriends,LucyMeyer?”
“Jasonhadapromothing,sothey’vebeeninLondonforthelastcoupleofdays.”
“Howconvenientforyou,isn’tit?”
Itriedtotakemyarmback,butitwasstillfirmlyinhishold.Igavehimanannoyedlook.
“Letmego.”
“No.”
“They’reflyingintoday.Youcanaskthemyourself.”
“You’refacingcharges.You’renotgettingoutofthisthateasily.”
“ForGod’ssake,areyouevenlisteningtome?”
“IalreadysawwhatIneededtosee.”
Mybreathingquickened,soIhungmyheadandtriedtokeepmyselfcalmbyclosingmyeyesandcountingtoten.
Hisfingersaroundmywriststightenedtothepointofcausingpain,soIgaspedandlookedupsharply.
“Don’teventhinkaboutcrying.Itwon’twork.”
Iwasn’tabouttocry;ithadn’tevencrossedmymind,butsomehowwhenIsawtheofficerscomingtowardus,myeyesstartedtowellup.
“Greattiming,”Adammurmuredwhenhesawmyblurryeyes,andsomethingsnappedinme.
“Youjerk,”Isaidquietly.“Goahead,presscharges.I’mpressingchargestoo.Youshouldn’tbeaparent.Ifyoudidn’tknow,childendangermentisafelony.IfI’mgoingdown,I’mtakingyouwithme!Thatkiddeservesabetterdad,adadwhocaresabouthissafety,you…yousmugsonofabitch!”
Healmostcrushedmywrist,butstoppedanddroppedmyhandwhenIwinced.
Maybeyou’rethinkingIsoundedalittledramatic,butIcanassureyou,Iwasn’tbeingadramaqueen.Hehadpracticallylefthiskidtodieoutthere.Ishould’vebeentheonewhocalled911,notthem.
“Mr.Connor,”saidoneoftheofficersastheycametostandnexttous.AfterAdamexplainedwhatwasgoingonandthathewaspressingcharges,theydidn’tevenlistentomeastheycuffedme.
Cuffedme!
Fiveminuteslater,Iwassittinginthebackofapolicecar,headingtotheirprecinct.Iwasreadytokillthebastard.IfIevergotoutofthejailtheywereabouttoputmein,Iwasgoingtokilltheguyforsure.
***
Itwasfivehourslater—five!—whenJasonandOlivecametobailmeout.Itwasallquietinthecar,andIwasstillseething.
“Lucy,”Olivesaidasshetwistedherbodytolookbackandtalktome.
“Ihatehim,”IrepeatedforthetenthtimesinceI’dgottenintotheircar.“Iwanttokillhim.I’mgonnapresschargestosavethatkidfromhimandthenkillhim.”
“Isthiscontagious,Olive?ShouldIbeworried?”Jasonsaidfromthedriverseat.Oureyesmetintherearviewmirror,andIfrownedathim.Hislipstwitched.
“What’shetalkingabout?”WhenIglancedatOlive,shewastryingtohideherownsmile.“Whatareyoutwosmilingabout?”Ishouted.“Sure,maybeIwasinjailforfivefreakinghours,butIseriouslydoubtIhaveaninfectiousdisease.”
Olive’ssmilewidened.“Ofcoursenot.Heistalkingaboutsomethingelse.Don’tmindhim.”
“What?Don’tkeepsecretsfromme,Olive.I’mveryvulnerablerightnow.”
“I’mnotkeepinganythingfromyou,Lucy.Iwaspromisingtokillyouwhenhewasdrivingmebackfromthestudioexecutives’office.Youknow,thedayIhadthemeeting?Thedayyouleftmeallalone?Hethinksweenjoygoingforkillingsprees.”
IglancedatJason.“Don’tdoinsidejokesrightnow.Becutetoyourwifeonyourowntime.Sheisallmineatthemoment.Iwasinjail.Ineedmyfriend.”
“I’massumingwe’regonnakeephearingaboutthefactthatyouwereinaholdingcell,alone,foraverylongtime.”
“Howaboutyoukeepyoureyesontheroadsowedon’tdiebeforeIcankillthatsmugsonofabitch?”
PlacinghishandonOlive’sleg,hesaid,“Sheisallyours,littleone.”
“Thankyou,”Isaidsarcasticallyandthenrepeated,again,“Ihatehim.”
OliveputherownhandoverJason’sandaloadedmomentpassedbetweenthem.Theywerecute,soIletthatoneslide.“Ithinkwealreadygotthat,”shesaid.“Anddon’tchopmyheadoffbecauseIhatetosayItoldyouso,but…”
“I’llgivehimthatmuch,”Iadmittedreluctantly.“Itwaswrongofmetospyonhim.ButIwasn’tstalking.Thereisadistinctdifference.Ijustclimbedafreakingladder,andifhehappenedtobeoutinhisbackyardIwatchedhimforafewminutes.That’sit.”
“Privacyisreallyimportanttous,Lucy.Youshouldknowthatbynow,”Jasonjoinedinontheconversation.
“I’mnotsayingitwasn’twrong,butifIhadn’tbeenwatching,thatkidwouldbedeadrightnow.Doesn’tthatcountforsomething?”
Heremainedsilent.
Realizingsomethingelse,Islidforwardonmyseat.“Youdobelieveme,right?PleasetellmeyoubelievemewhenIsaytheonlyreasonIjumpedoverthatwallwastosavethekidfromdrowning.”
“Ofcoursewedo,”Olivepromised.
“Jason?Youdobelieveme,right?”
Hemetmyeyesagainandsighed.“Ido,Lucy,butthat’snotimportant.”
“Howcanitnotbeimportant!Thedoucheshould’vedroppedtohiskneesandkissedmyfeetforbeingthere.”
Kissingotherpartswould’vebeenacceptable,too,butnotanymore.Iwouldn’tlethimcomenearanyofmyladyparts,letaloneacceptkisses.
“Imeant,whatIthinkdoesn’tmatter.ThefactisthatAdamthinksyou’reastalker.”
Ihatehim.Ireally,reallyhatehim.Islidbackandcrossedmyarmsagainstmychest.
“Whatwillhappennow?”Iaskedwhenthesilencebecametoomuch.
“I’lltalktohimandmakehimdropthecharges,”Olivereplied.
“Andhowdoyouthinkyou’llmakethathappen?”Jasonpipedup,givingOliveasidewayslook.
“I’llexplainthatLucywasjusttryingtohelp.Idon’tknow,behercharacterwitnessinaway.”
“No,”hesaid,inafirmertonethistime.
“I’mnotgonnaoffermyselftohimsohewilldropthechargesagainstLucy,Jason.”
“Goodtohear,”Jasondrawled.
Finally,wegothome—well,theirhome—anddrovethroughthegates.Itwaspitch-dark,justlikemyhatredfilledheart.Jasonkilledtheengine,butnoneofusgotout.
“I’lltalktohim,”hesaidafewbeatslater.“I’llhandleit,Lucy,butyoucan’tgouptheretowatchhimagain.Areweclear?”
“Areweclear?”Imimicked,asmallsmileformingonmylips.“We’reveryclear,mybrandnewdaddy.IpromiseIwon’tspyonstupidboysanymore.Now,tellme,amIgroundedorwhat?”
ChapterSixAdam
Ithadbeenalmostaweeksincewhatwe’dbeguntocalltheincident,andIwasstillpissed.PissedatAidenfornotlisteningtome.PissedatDanfornotbeingontopofoursecurity.Hell,I’dfiredAnnethateveningafterIwasabletogetthewholestoryoutofAiden,yetIwasstillpissedathertoo.
Butmorethananyone,Iwaspissedatmyself.HowI’dbeensocarelessastotakemyeyesawayfrommyson—itdidn’tevenmatterthathewasagoodkid,Iwastheonewhowasresponsibleforhim.Ishould’vebeenontopofthings.Ishould’ve…IguessIshould’vedonebetter.
Thegatesbuzzedopen,andIwalkedinhandinhandwithmyson.Hislittlefingerssqueezedmyhand,soIlookeddownathim.
“Areyouready,Daddy?”
Mylipstwitched,andInodded.“Areyou?”
Henoddedsolemnlythenlookedupatmequickly.“Doyouthinkshehatesme?”
“Whywouldshehateyou?”Iaskeddistractedlyaswenearedthehouse.
“’CauseIcausedbigtrouble.Ithinkshehatesme.Ithinkshedoesn’twannaseemeagain.”
“Idoubtit,buddy,butyou’llaskheryourselfsoyoucanbesure,allright?”
“Shewasverypretty,”headdedquietly.“Ihopeshedoesn’thateme.”
Iremainedsilent.IwantedtogoandapologizetothatinfuriatingwomanlikeIwantedabulletinmyhead,butfromwhatI’dheardfromAidenandthenlaterJasonThorn,shehadsavedmyson.Still,ifAidenhadn’tinsistedonseeingheragain,Iwould’veneversteppedfootinthehousewhereshewasstaying.
Droppingthechargesshould’vebeenmorethanenoughforthelittlestalker.
God,thinkingaboutherwasmakingmecrazy.Everytimesomeonementionedhername—andAidenmentionedhernamealot—Iwasbackinourbackyard,scaredoutofmymindthatsomecrazystalkerorreporterwashurtingAiden.IcouldstillpictureherstormygrayeyesglaringupatmeasifshehadalegtostandonwhenIhadherdelicatewristinmygrip.Irememberwantingtosqueezeherprettylittleneckwithmybarehandseverytimesheopenedhermouthtotalk.
Yea,seeingthatmypulsewasstartingtospeed,seeingheragainwasn’tgonnabeaseasyasI’dthoughtitwouldbe.
BeforeIcouldknock,Jasonopenedthedoor.
“Hellothere.HowcanIhelpyoutwogentlemen?”
“Areyouamoviestar?”AidenaskedbeforeIcouldexplainwhatthehellweweredoingathisdoorstep.
Jason’sfacesoftened,andhekneeleddowninfrontofAiden.“Iamanactor,justlikeyourdad.AndyoumustbeAiden.”
Aiden’seyeswidened,andheglancedupatme.“HeknowswhoIam,Daddy,”hewhispered.
Jasonchuckledandofferedhishand.“I’veheardalotaboutyou,Aiden.It’snicetofinallymeetyou.”
Aidenlookedathisoutstretchedhandthenupatme.“CanI,Daddy?”
“Goforit,buddy.”
HegavemeabigsmileandshookhandswithJason.“It’snicetomeetyoutoo,mister.Mydaddyisabigmoviestar.Hesignslotsofthings.Didyouplayinlotsofmoviestoo?”
“Idid.AndyoucancallmeJason.”
“Areyoumyfriend?”
“Wouldyoulikemetobe?”
Anotherglanceatme.“CanIbefriendswithJason,Daddy?Ilikehim,andhelivessoclosetous,sowecouldplaygames.”
Igavehimashortnod.“Howaboutyoutellyournewfriendwhyweareherebeforeyoumakeplansforaplaydate.”
“Wouldyouplaywithme,Jason?SometimesDaddycan’t.”
Oh,Aiden…
“Aiden…”
Finally,lookingdownathisfeet,hemurmured,“WecametoseeLucybecauseIdon’twanthertohateme.”
Jasonstraightenedup,openedthedoorwider,andinvitedusin.
Aswewalkedthroughthenarrowhallway,Aiden’seyestookineverythingaroundusandIhadtodraghimwithme.
“Lucy,youhavevisitors,”Jasonannounced.
“What?”
“Who?”
Twodistinctfemalevoicesrespondedbackatthesametime.
Andthenthestalkerappearedwithawoodenspooninherhand.Shespottedmeandherfacefell,asmallcreaseappearingbetweenherbrows.
Theotherone,whoIassumedwasJason’swife,appearedfrombehindherandsmiledatme,coveringhersurpriseverywell.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Lucyaskedinahostilevoice.Shewasvoicingmyfeelingsexactly;theonlydifferencewasIcouldn’tacthostiletowardher,notwhenIhadAidenwithme.
Christ!Istillwantedtokillher,though.Igroundmyteethtorestrainmyself.
“Trustme,I’mnotallthatfireduptoseeyoueither,”Iadmitted.
Thatgotmeaneyebrowraise.
“Thenbyallmeans,pleaseleave,”shereplied,gesturingatthedoorwithawaveofherhand.
BothJasonandOlivewerecarefullyfollowingourconversationastheystayedsilentandwatchedtheinteractionbetweenus.Iwishedthey’dinterfereinsomeway;Iwouldhavemuchratherspokenwiththeminsteadofthismadwomanwhomanagedtosparksomethinginsideme.Inarrowedmyeyesatherandthenfeltsomeonepullingonthepocketsofmyjeans.
Aiden.Right.
“Mysonhassomethingtosaytoyou,”Isaidpointedlysoshe’dgetthatseeingherwasn’tmyideaoffun.WhenAidendecidedtogoallshyonmeandhidbehindmyback,IwasforcedtotakeasteptothesidesoMissStalkercouldseethepersonresponsibleforourvisit.
“Oh,hello.Hithere,”Lucysaid,herexpressionsofteningwhenshefinallysawAiden.Thistime,insteadofhidingbehindme,hewashuggingmylegtoensureIwouldn’tgotoofaraway.
Aidenwasn’tnormallyashykid,butbeingaroundstrangerswasn’tsomethinghewasusedto.Withallthemediafocusonus,wetriedtokeepourfamilylifeasprivateaspossible,meaningAidenwasn’tusedtomeetingnewadults—notwhenweweresoparticularabouthissecurity.
“Hello,”hegreetedinasmallvoice,givingherasmallwaverightbeforegrabbingmylegandhidinghisface.
Lucytookasmallstepforward,butwhenoureyesmet,shestopped.Iwould’vemuchrathertakenmykidandgottenthehellawayfromher,butitwastoolateforthat.
“Aiden,”Ipromptedsowecouldgetitoverwithandleave.“WhatdidyouwanttosaytoMissLucy?”
He’dbeentalkingmyearoffaboutseeingMissStalkeragaineversinceI’dpickedhimupfromhismomthedaybefore.
“Iwanttoaskhersomething,”hewhispered.
“Goaheadthen.”
“Canyouaskherforme?”
“Iwould,buddy,butIhavenoideawhatyouwanttoaskher.”
“ButIjusttoldyou,Daddy.Onourwayoverhere,remember?”
“Aiden,Itoldyou—”
“Please,Daddy.Pleeeaaase.”
Mylipstwitchedasherepeatedlynoddedandwidenedhisbrightgreeneyes.
WithoutmeetingLucy’seyesagain,Isaid,“Hewaswonderingifyouhatedhimforgettingyouintrouble.”
Shelookedatmewitheyesfullofhatred,whichwasadmittedlyalookIwasn’tusedtogetting.Itonlyaccentuatedthoseuniquebluish-grayeyesofhers,eyesIhadnoplaceevennoticing.
Sheshookherheadasifshewasdisappointedinme.“Isthatwhatyoutoldhim?”
JustasIwastryingtofigureoutwhatthehellshemeant,shehandedthewoodenspoontoherclearlyamusedfriendandstartedsashayingtowardus.
“Benice,Lucy,”Jasonmurmuredashecasuallyleanedagainstthewallandwatchedus.
Insteadofansweringhim,shegavemeapointedlookthatprettymuchsaid,Doyoumind?andwithoutwaitingforananswer,loweredherselftositcross-leggedinfrontofme.
“Hi,”shesaidtoAidenagain.
“So?Doyouhateme?”heasked,hisarmtighteningaroundmylegashewaitedforhisanswer.
“Nope.”
“Notevenalittle?”
“Notevenalittle.Infact,I’mveryhappytoseeyouagain.”
Happywiththeanswershewasgetting,AidenletgoofmylegandstoodinfrontofLucy.“Youare?”
“Yes.IwasworriedaboutyouafterIleft,soit’sgoodtoseeyouhere,standingstrong.”
Charmedbyher,Aidenthrewhisarmsaroundherneckandawkwardlyhuggedher.“Idon’thateyoueither.Ipromise.Notlikemydaddoes.”
Thatearnedmeanotherlook.
Oh,thejoysofhavingaveryhonestfive-year-old.
“That’sokay,”shereassuredhimwithapatonhisback.“IpromiseIdon’thateyoulikeIhateyourdadeither.”
AsifIcared.Irolledmynecktogetridofthesuddenstiffness.
“AmIyourfriendnow?”Aidenaskedashelookedatherwithaseriousexpression.“Jasonjustagreedtobemyfriend,somaybeifyouaremyfriendtooyoucancomeandvisitmewithhim?”
“Comeon,Aiden.That’senough,”Isaid,puttingmyhandonhisshoulder
Lookingupatme,heasked,“Isityourturnnow,Daddy?”
Goddamnit!
HewaslookingatmewithsuchexpectanteyesthatIcouldn’tdenyhimanything,notevenanapologytothepersonIhadprettymuchloathedsincethefirstmomentI’dlaideyesonher.
WhenAidenlookedupatme,Lucy’sgazeflickedupwardtoo.Imethereyes.Imethereyesand…couldn’tthinkofanythingtosay.
“Daddy,youpromisedwewoulddothistogether.”
Ihadn’tmadeanypromisesaboutanything,butsincewewerealreadyknee-deepinthis…ItookadeepbreathandexhaledasLucygotupfromthefloorandtookafewstepsback.
“Aidentoldmewhathedidandwhathappenedafter,”Istartedinaroughvoice.Hearinghowscaredhe’dgottenwhenhe’dlosthisarmfloatandstartedswallowingwaterhadbeenparticularlydifficultforme.“Idon’tlikewhatyoudid.Idon’tlikeanyofit.”Narrowinghereyesatme,sheliftedherchineversoslightlyandcrossedherarmsagainstherchest,pushingherboobshigher.
Lookaway,Adam.
“Otherthanthefactthatwhatyoudidprobablysavedmyson’slife.Forthatandonlythat,I’mthankful.”
Suddenlyhereyessoftened,andshedroppedherarms.Shelookedoverhershoulderandsighed.“You’reright,”sheadmitted.“EventhoughIdidn’tmeananyharm,itwaswrongofmetogetupthereandwatchyou.Thatbeingsaid,I’mgladIwasthereattherighttime.”
Atleastshewashonestenoughtoacceptthefactthatwhatshehaddonewaswrong.Irelaxedalittleandnodded.“Thankyou.”IlookeddownatAiden’ssmilingface.“Areyoureadytogo?”
“Onemoreminute?Please?”
Curiousastowhyheneededanotherminute,Isaidokay,andherantowardJason,stoppingonlyinchesawayashetiltedhisheadback.HewhisperedsomethingIcouldn’tmakeout,andJasonlaughed.
“Yes,Iknowher.Wouldyoulikemetointroduceyoutwo?”Jasonaskedasheruffledhishair.
BrieflyglancingatJason’swife,Aidennodded.Jasonchuckled,andtheywalkedtowardhissmilingwife.
“Lookslikeyouhaveafan,”hesaidtohiswife.
“Hello,Aiden,”shesaidandleaneddowntoAiden’seyelevel.“I’mOlive.”
Aiden’seyeswidenedandasurprisedgiggleescapedhislips.
“Olive?Likeanolive?”
“Yup,justlikeanolive.”
AnothergiggleandIrelaxedfurther,exhalingadeepbreath.Iwashappytoseehimhavingfun,butwe’dhavetoleavesoonsoIcouldmakeittosetearlytogooversomelastminutechangesinthescript.
Lucylookedatmeoverhershoulderwithasmileonherlips,butwhenoureyesmet,hergazeturnedintoacoldstare.Somuchforourtruce.SinceIwasn’tplanningonseeingheragain,Iwascompletelyfinewithit.
“Wouldyouliketohavecoffee?”sheasked.“Theyhavethiscomplicatedespressomachine;I’msureyouhavesomethingsimilar,soyou’llenjoythat.”
Nowwhatthehellwasthatsupposedtomean?Itiltedmyheadtothesideandstudiedherforashortbeat.Whatexactlydidsheseewhenshewaslookingatmewiththoseunwaveringeyes?Shedidn’tlooklikeastar-struckwoman,thatwasforsure.Shedidn’tactlikealltheotherwomendidwhentheyhadmethisclose.No,notthisone.Shemetmygazehead-on,notevenblinkingundermyhardstare.Sothenwhatthehellhadshebeendoingwatchingmeoverthewall?
“No,”IrepliedcurtlyandwatchedasJasonleaneddownsoAidencouldwhisperinhisearthistime.
“Ah,littleman,areyoutryingtostealherfromme?”heasked,actingallwoundedwhenAidenwasdonewithwhateverhewassayingtohim.
AidenshookhisheadandgaveOliveanothercoylook.
Fuckme,buthewascrushingontheman’swife.
Jasonliftedhimupandsathimonthekitchencounter.“Tellheryourself.I’msureshe’lllovehearingthat.”
“Shewill?Yousure?”Aidenaskedinalowwhisper.
“Believeme,girlslovehearingthat.”
Aidennoddedandmadehisdeepthinkingface,consideringwhathe’djustlearned.Icouldn’thelpbutsmileasIwatchedhimsoakupalltheattentionhewasgetting.
“What?Tellmealready,”Olivesaid,gettingclosertothemwithanunsuresmileonherface.
“You’reverypretty,”Aidensaid,andIgroaned.
“Aiden…”
“Isn’tshesopretty,Daddy?”
“Ofcoursesheis,buddy,butit’stimeforustoleavenow.I’msureyournewfriendsarebusy.”
Ignoringme,hekepthiseyesonOlive.“Wouldyoulikemydaddytosignapictureforyou?”HeglancedbackatJason.“Girlslovethattoo.”
LucyburstoutlaughingwithOlive.Thrilled,Aidenstartedgigglingtoo.Jason’seyeswereonhiswife,andhewassmilingather.
Ishookmyhead.Fool.
“Lookslikeyou’reraisingquitetheplayer,”LucysaidwhenherlaughterdieddownandtheThorns’werebusytalkingtoAiden.
SlidingmyeyestoLucy,Iraisedmybrow.
Shemurmuredsomethinginaudible,andIcould’veswornherpinklipsmouthedasshole
“Whateverhappenedtotheattentivenanny?”sheaskedbeforeIcouldfigureoutsomethingtosayinresponsetothatuncalledforremark.
Ilookedawayfromherlips.“Gotfired.”
“Atleastyou’vedonesomethingright,”shemumbled.
“Shewassupposedtobeouttherewithhim.Contrarytowhatyoubelieve,Ididn’tleavehimaloneoutthere.”
“Oh,right.Thenanny.Doesshewipeyourpreciousasstoo?”
“Whatisyourproblemwithme?”Iasked,takingasteptowardher.Shewasashortthingcomparedtome,andIeasilytoweredoverher.
Didshebackuplikeanyothersanefemalewould?Ofcoursenot.Notthisone.
“Icouldaskyouthesamequestion!Whatthehellisyourproblemwithme?Ievenofferedyoucoffeeafteryouhadmethrowninjail!WhatmoreshouldIdo?”
“That’scalledaholdingcell.AsmuchasIwishyouwouldhave,youdidn’tmakeitthatfar.Youweren’tevenprocessed.”
“AndI’msureyoutriedyourbesttomakethathappen.Ispentfivehoursbehindthosebars,thankstoyou.Andthat’swhatIgotforsavingyourson’slife!”
Grindingmyteeth,Igotclosertoher.“ItoldyouIdidn’tknowAidenwasintrouble.”Iglareddownather,andsheglaredrightbackatme.Oh,ifIcouldjustgrabholdofherandshakesomesenseintoher.Maybethatwayherpresencewouldn’taggravatemeanymore.
Hereyesdroppedtomylipsforabriefmoment,andIrealizedhowhardmybreathingwas.
Noticingthethicksilence,IlookedoverherheadandsawAidenwatchinguswithgreatattention.
“Thatescalatedratherquickly,”Olivesaidtonooneinparticular.
IshotalookatLucy,frowningwhenIrealizedhowclosewewerestanding,thenaddressedJason.“I’msorryforinterruptingyourday,Jason,butIthinkit’stimeforustoleave.”
GivingLucyawideberth,IhelpedAidendown.
“Goodbye,Olive,”hesaidshylyandwavedather.WhenOliveleaneddowntogivehimakissonhischeekandinvitehimoveragain,hegaveheratighthugandthankedher.
“Theywantmetostay,Daddy.CanIstay?”
“Theydidn’tsaythat,Aiden.Theyinvitedyouoverforanothertime.Ihavetogotowork,soweneedtoleave.”
“ButyousaidAnneisgone,sowho’llstaywithme?”
“Ihavetodropyouoffatyourmom’s,Aiden.Wealreadytalkedaboutitthismorning,remember?Sheismeetingwithherpeopleatthehousesoshe’lllookafteryoutoday.”
We’dalmostmadeittothedoorasAidenchatterednexttome,butwhenImentionedhismom,hepulledmetoastop.
“Please,Daddy.Please.”
Ilookedbackateveryonebehindusandthengotononekneeinfrontofhim.“What’shappeninghere,Aiden?”Whileitwasobvioushelikedeveryoneintheroom,thewayhewasactingwasn’thisusualbehavior.Hewasn’taspoiledkidatall;somethingwaswrong.
AssoonasIwasdownonhislevel,hewrappedhisarmsaroundmyneckandheldon.“Idon’twannaleaveyou.Please.Can’tDanstaywithme?”
“Aiden,Danhasthedayoff.”Iunwrappedhisarmsfrommyneckandlookedathisredeyes.Shit.“Youcan’tdothistome,Aiden.IhavenoonetotakecareofyouwhenI’monsetuntilIfindsomeonenew,littleman.”
Hewipedathisdryeyesandnodded.“I’mgonnamissyouagain.”
Lucybrokeintoourconversationbysaying,“Myheartisbreaking.”
Right,becauseherfuckingheartwassohighonmylistofthingsaboutwhichIgaveafuck.Myjawticked.“Canyougiveusamoment?”
Shetalkedrightoverme.“Sinceyourheartisprobablycarvedfromstone,youcan’tunderstandhowthatfeels,butIjustwantedtoletyouknowthatmultipleheartsarebreakingrightnow—notthatitlookslikeyoucareaboutthat.”
“Lucy!”Olivewhisperedheatedlyfrombehindher.
“What?”sheaskedherfriendasifshewereasinnocentasanangel.Inmyeyesshewasmorelikethedevilreincarnated.“I’mjusttellingthetruth.Look,”shebegan,gettingcloser.“OliveandJasonhavetoleaveforameetinginanhourorso,butIdon’thaveanyjobinterviewstoday.Whydon’tyouleaveAidenherewithme?You’llpickhimupassoonasyougetbackfromwhereveritisthatyouhavetogo,andsinceweestablishedthefactthatImeannoharmtoyourson,seeingashowIalreadysavedhislifeonce…”
No.Thatwasmyimmediateanswer,butbeforeIcouldvoicemyopinion,AidenrantoLucyandgaveherahug—ormorelikegaveherlegsahug.Hernakedlegs.Hersmooth,tonedlegs.Ilookedupandmethereyes,alreadyshakingmyhead.
“Iwannastay,”Aidenrepeatedforthetenthtime.
“Sheisright,Adam,”Jasonagreed.“OliveandIwillbebackhereintwohourstops.It’llbefun.We’lltakecareofhimuntilyoucomeback,don’tworry.”
Isighedandrubbedmyeyes.“Idon’tlikethis,Aiden.Youcan’tgetyourwayeverytime.”
“ButIlikeithere,Daddy,andifIstayhereIcanstaywithyou.You’llhavetocomebacktopickmeup.”
“Ialwayscomebacktopickyouup,Aiden.Andyou’veonlybeenherefortenminutes.”
Sincehisplaywasn’tworking,hetriedadifferenttactic.“IlikeLucy.”
“AndLucylikesyou,littlehuman,”LucyinterjectedintoourbackandforthandpointedatsomethingIcouldn’tseeontheothersideofthekitchenasshewhisperedsomethinginhisear.WhenAidenwentofftocheckitout,Lucywalkedtowardme.
“Clearlyhedoesn’twanttogo.”
“Clearly.”
Closinghereyes,shetookadeepbreath,andIwatchedherlipspressintoastraightline.
“I’msorryforwatchingyou,okay,”shegrumbled.“Itwasthebiggestmistakeofmylife.You’renoteventhathotfromthisclose.IfIcouldtakeitback,trustme,Iwould.YouarenothinglikewhatIthoughtyou’dbe.”
“Thanks,”Idrawled.“AndhereIwashopingyouwereinlovewithme.”
Anotherfakesmile.“Idon’tdolove,andyou’renotmytypeanyway,sorry.”
LikeI’dbelievethatafterIsawthepicturesshe’dtakenofmehalf-naked.“Myheartisfuckingbroken,sweetheart.”
“Asitshouldbe,anddon’tcallmesweetheart.”
Ichuckledandshookmyhead.Thenerve.
“Anyway,”shecontinued.“Howlongwillyoubegone?”
Iranahandthroughmyhair,thinking.“Atleastsixhours.”
“Andyoucan’tpickhimupfromhismother?”
“Sheisleavingthecitytonight.Wealreadytalked;ifIdrophimoff,she’snotgonnawaitaroundformetopickhimupagain.”AndwhywasIsowillinglygivingherallthisinformationagain?
“Thereyougo.He’llstayhereuntilyoucomeback.”
MyeyesfoundAiden,andIcaughthimshowingJasonhisarmmuscles.Ismiled.Icouldn’tleavehimthere,couldI?IknewJasonfromthefewtimeswehadtalked,andIdefinitelydidn’tknowthismessofawomanwhowasstandinginfrontofmewithanimpatientlook.But,ifIgavehimbacktoAdeline,Iwouldn’tgettoseehimforanotherwholeweek.Iwasalreadymissinghimtoomuch,andsendinghimawaywithAdelinesohecouldmissschoolandsleepintrailers…well,itdidn’tseemlikethebetterchoiceatthatmoment.
“Aiden,comegivemeahug,”Isaid.
Hisheadjerkedtomeandhisfacelitup.“Igettostay?”
“Yougettostay.Justthistime.”
Hecamerunning.“Thankyou.Thankyou.Thankyou.”
“Iloveyou,buddy.Benice,okay?”
“Iloveyou,Daddy.Youcango.”
Withthatheletgoofme,turnedhisback,andgrabbedLucy’shand,pullingherawayfromme.
Whenshelookedatmeoverhershoulderwithasmilestretchingonherlips…foramomentIthoughtshelookedbeautiful.
***
Whenyouhaveakid,everythingchanges.Yoursociallife,worklife,eventhedynamicsofyourfamilyshift.TherewasatimewhereIusedtogowithoutsleepfordaysonendtogetintheshotsweneeded,butlately,especiallyafterthedivorce,IhadtoplaneverythingaroundAiden.Makehimmypriority.Beabetterdad.Befuckingeverywhere
Ittookmesevenhourstowrapeverythingupatthestudio.Ourdirector,Matthew,wantedmetostayforanothertenhourssowecouldshootsomeofthenightscenesIhadleftwithJamieWilson,butbecauseofAiden’ssituation,Ihadthemrescheduleeverything.ThelastthingIwantedwasforhimtospendthenightinastrangehome.
“I’mreallysorryaboutthis.I’msureyouguyshadotherplanstoday,”IsaidasIwalkedthroughthedoorandintothehallwayofJason’shome.
“It’sokay,man.OliveandIjustgotinafewhoursago.Yourlittleguywasalreadytuckeredout.”
“Hefellasleep?”
“Wokeupwhenhehearduscomein—ormorelikewhenheheardOlive’svoice—buthefellasleepagainalittlewhileago.”
WewalkedintotheopenlivingareaandmyeyesweresearchingforAidenasInoticedOlivecomeinfromthebackyard.ShehuggedJason’swaistasshegreetedme.“Hi,Adam.”
“Hi.IhopeAidendidn’tcausetoomuchtrouble.”
“Oh,hedidn’t.We’repracticallyinlovewitheachother.Imightevenconsiderlettingthisonegoifhedoesn’tuphisgamesoon,”shesaidwithagenuinesmileasshepattedJason’schest.
Jasonputhisarmaroundhershouldersanddrewhercloser.“I’mgonnahavetokeepmyeyesonyourson,Adam.WiththewayheisflirtingwithOlive,Idon’tthinkIhaveafightingchanceotherwise.”
IlaughedandwinkedatOlive.“It’sgoodtoknowhehasgoodtasteinwomen.”
SheblushedalittleandlookedupatJasonwithabigsmile.Jasongroanedandshookhisheadinreturn.“Youcanheadoutback;heisoutsidewithLucy.IthinkI’llkeepmywifeawayfromyouConnorsfortoday.”
HowlonghaditbeensinceAdelinelookedatmethewayOlivewaslookingatJason?Years?Whenhadeverythingchangedtothepointwhereshewasbarelylookingatmeatall?Withthoseunwelcomethoughts,Isteppedoutsidetofindmysonsleepingonachaiselounge,armsandlegswideopen,peekingoutfromunderasoftnude-coloredblanket.
Frowning,Ilookedaround.Hadn’tJasonsaidLucywaswithhim?Iheardafaintvoicecomingfromnearby,soIfollowedittothesideofthehouse.
“ItoldyouIwasstayingwithOlive,Catherine.No.Well,thenItoldyourvoicemailIwasstayingwithOlive.No.HowcouldIhaveknownyouwantedtodosomethingformygraduation?You’reright,I’msorry.”
ThetoneofhervoiceandthewayhershouldersslumpedforwardwereinsuchcontrasttothewomanI’dseenthusfarthatitmademestopinmytracks.Clearlyitwasaprivatephonecall,andIwantedtogiveherprivacy.Ishould’ve,butasfarasIwasconcerned,turnaboutwasfairplay.Insteadofleaving,Ileanedagainstthenearesttreeandlistenedinonhersideoftheconversation.
“I’mactuallyhelpingOlive,Catherine.Ididn’tsaythat.Iknow.Iknow.”Shestartedpacing,andifshe’dturnedherheadjustalittleshewould’venoticedme,butthenightcloakedmypresence.“That’stheproblem.Idon’tthinkIwanttobeanaccountant.Yes,I’mawareofthat,buttheonlyreasonIchosethatmajorisbecauseyouwantedmeto.Irememberquiteclearlythedayyousaidyou’dstoppayingmytuitionifIeventhoughtaboutchangingit.Yes,Iknow.”
Shestopped,andIheldmybreath.
“I’msorryforallthetroubleIcausedyou,Catherine,butIwasjustfiveyearsoldwhensheleftmewithyou.Ihadnosayinthematter.Ineverdid.Iwishyoucouldbeproudofme.”Alongpause.“Iunderstand.”
Shetwistedherbodyandthankstothemoonlight,Iwasabletoseeherfacemoreclearly.Shewassofuckingbeautiful,evenmoresointhesoftmoonlight.Unfortunately,shewasalsoaspiritedlunatic—abeautifulone,sure,butstillalunatic.Shetuckedhershorthairbehindherearsandclosedhereyes.
Forabriefmoment,Iwonderedhowherskinwouldfeelundermyfingertips.Wouldherlipsbesoft?WouldshesmileatmelikeI’dseenhersmileatmyson?IrememberedthedayIfoundherinmybackyard,drippingwetandfuming.IfIwashonest,I’dlikedthefeelofherbodyagainstmine,herbreathinghard,eyesmurderous.Forafractionofasecond,I’dthoughtshewasashotashell.IfI’dmetheronthestreet,inacoffeeshop,orevenonset,Iwouldn’thavemindedfuckingherbrainsout.Shakingmyhead,Igotridofthoseunwelcomethoughts.ShewasthelastpersonI’deverconsiderbeingwith.Iwasn’tsuicidal.Thereweremillionsofbeautifulwomenoutthere.
“SorryIturnedouttobejustlikemymother,Catherine,”shesaidafteranotherlongpause.“Olivewantsmetobeheragent,butI’mstillgoingtolookforajob.Okay.OkaymaybeI’llgoandtalktothefirmyoumentioned.”
Afewsecondslatersheendedthecallandrestedherforeheadagainstthesideofthehouse.WhileIwasokaywithintrudingsinceshe’ddonetheexactsametome,somehowthisdidn’tfeelright.Evenso,Icouldn’twalkaway.Icrossedmyarmsandwaitedforhertonoticemesilentlywatching.
Tomysurprise,itdidn’ttakeherlongtoshakeofftheeffectsthephonecallhadhadonher;assoonasshespottedme,hergamefacewasonagain—andbygamefaceImeanthelittledragonwasreadytospitfire.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”sheasked,comingtowardme.
“Areyougoingtokeepaskingthesamequestioneverytimeyouseeme?”
“Ifyou’resomewhereyou’renotsupposedtobe,yes,IthinkIwill.”
“Youactuallyenjoythis,don’tyou?”
“What?”
“Makingpeoplemiserable,”Iexplained.“Sinceyou’resogoodatit,I’massumingI’mnottheonlyvictim.”
Shekepthercalculatingeyesonmeforabeat,thenIwatchedherwalkpastmewithoutasecondlook.“Everyonelovesme,thankyouverymuch.”
Ihadtolaughatthat.Sheturnedherheadtolookatmeandherfrowndeepened.“Insteadofsneakinguponme,youshould’vestayedwithyourson.”
“Heissleeping,”Iremindedher.“Nottomention,onceheisout,nothingcanwakehimupuntilheisreadytowakeup.ShouldIremindyouthatyou’retheonewholefthimalone?”
“IlefthimwithOlive,andnomatterwhatyousay,hecouldwakeupandwalkrightintothepool.Youshouldtakebettercareofhim.”
ImovedfrommyspotandcaughtupwithherbeforeshecouldmakeittotheopeningwhereAidenwassleeping.Igrabbedherarmandspunhertofaceme.
“Thisisthesecondtimeyou’veinsultedmyparentingskills,”IsaidthroughgrittedteethasIloweredmyheadtoher.“Youwon’tlikewhathappensthethirdtime.”Howwasitevenpossiblethatshemanagedtopushmybuttonsalmosteverysingletimesheopenedhermouth?
“Idareyoutotry.”Hereyesnarrowedonme,andshetwistedhershouldertoshrugmeoff.“Takeyourhandoffme.”
IwasashamedtoadmitthatIhadtoforcemyselftolethergo.Itookastepback.God,shemademesoangry.Sofar,everyattemptatacivilconversationhadbroughtusrightbacktowherewe’dstarted.“AndtothinkIwasconsideringofferingyouajob.”
Herforeheadcreased,andshetiltedherhead.“Whatjob?”
“Whowereyoutalkingto?”
“Whatjob?”
“Whowereyoutalkingto,Lucy?”
“Whatjob,Adam?”
“Didanyoneevertellyouhowinsufferableyouare?”
“WhatcanIsay?Youseemtobringouttheworstinme.”
Oureyeslocked,andwestoodperfectlystill.Idecidedtoignorehowhergazeflickeredtomylipstwiceandtookanotherstepback.Ihadafeelingifwestoodtooclosetooneanotherformorethanafewminutes,she’dburnmerightupwithher.
Weglaredateachother.Itwasinevitablewhenshewasaround.
Then,shehuffedandrubbedathereyes.“Youreallydobringouttheworstinme.Ijustdon’tthinkIlikeyou,”sheadmitted.
Suchhonesty.“Idon’tthinkIlikeyouthatmucheither,soyoudon’thavetofeelbadaboutit.”
“Iwasn’tfeelingbad,butthanks.”
Jesus,shewasahandful
Shetookadeepbreaththenvisiblyshookherself,presumablytorelaxhermuscles.“Iwastalkingtomygrandma.Wedon’ttalkallthatmuch,soI’malittle…tense,Iguess.”
“Igatheredthat.Soyou’relookingforajob?”
“Ithinkso.”
“Youdon’tknow?”
“I’mlooking.I’vebeenlooking.I’malsoactingasOlive’stemporaryagentforthemoment,tryingtogetadealforherupcomingbookorbooks,dependingonthedeal,ofcourse.SofarI’mnotthatimpressedwithwhatthey’reoffering.”Sheshrugged.“I’mnotsurewhatI’mdoing,butsheseemstotrustme,soIcouldn’tsayno.I’mjusttryingtohelp,soIhopeI’mnotmessingthingsforher.”
Sinceshewasbehavinglikeafairlynormalperson,Irelaxedintotheconversation.“Soundslikeyou’redoingeverythingagoodagentwoulddo.”
Anotherhalf-shrug.“Maybe.Imajoredinbusiness,notsurehowgoodI’dbeasheragent.Anyway,Iaccept,”sheannouncedandwaitedexpectantly.
“Youacceptwhat?”Iasked,confused.
“IthoughtI’dsaveyouthetrouble.”
“Whatintheworldareyoutalkingaboutnow?”
“Aren’tyougonnaaskmetowatchyoursonwhileyou’reawayonsettomorrow,orwhateveritisthatyoupeopledo?Jasonspendsmostofhistimeonset,soIassumedyouwere—”
Iliftedmyhandtostophermid-sentence.
“Howdidyou—youknowwhat,nevermind.Actually,Iwasplanningonaskingyouifyoucouldlookafterhimforafewmoredays.Forsomeunknownreasonheseemstolikeyou.”I’dcalledtwicetotalktoAidenduringtheday,andhecouldn’tstoptalkingabouthowcoolLucywaslongenoughtoevenlistentome.Standinginfrontofme,Lucygavemeanoverlyfakesmile,andIwould’vebetmillionsthatshewascursingatmelikeasailorinhermind,orquitepossiblyplottingmyuntimelydeath.Eitherway,Iwasstartingtoenjoygoadingher.“I’monlyaskingbecauseIcouldn’tfindanyoneIwanttokeeplong-term.”Afterthedivorce,Adelinehadkeptourassistant,andIstillhadn’thadthetimetofindone.“WhileIdoseetheironyofaskingastalkertolookaftermyson,thereisthefactthatyoualreadysavedhislifeonce,soIknowyou’llkeepyoureyesopen.That’slikestalker101,isn’tit?Plus,Idon’thaveanyotheroptionsrightatthisminute,notwhenhismotherisoutoftown.”
“Firstofall,”shestarted,hereyesflaming.“WhydoIfeellikeyou’reexpectingathankyoufromme?Ialreadyapologizedforbeingcurious.”
“Oh,sothat’swhatwe’recallinginvadingprivacythesedays,isthatit?”
Idoubtedsheevenheardmeasshekepttalking.“I’mnotgonnaapologizeoverandoveragain,sostopcallingmeastalkerandI’llhappilybethetemporarybabysitterforaweek.That’sallI’mbeingthesedaysanyway.TemporaryLucy.”Sheturnedaroundandstartedwalkinginquicksteps.“Aslongasyou’renotpresent,ofcourse.Idon’tlikeyouverymuch.”
Ifollowedher.“Haveyoueverhadaboyfriend?BecauseI’mhavingareallyhardtimeimagininganyoneputtingupwithyou.”AsIwasinsultingheryetagain,myeyestooknoticeofthewayherdarkjeanshuggedherfullass.Nothingflataboutheratall—notherass,anddefinitelynotherpersonalityeither.
Shestopped,andInearlywalkedintoher.Ialsoalmostgrabbedherhips,butwecanskipthatpart.
“AndIcanseeexactlywhyyourwifedivorcedyou,Mr.Connor,”sheexclaimed,oblivioustowhatwasgoingoninmymind.“Ididn’thaveahardtimefiguringthatoutatall.Whenyouhavethetime,pleasegivemehernumbersoIcancallandcongratulateheronmakingsuchawisedecision.”
WhydidmydickjumpwhenshecalledmeMr.Connor?WhydidIevennoticeherassinthefirstplace?Regardless,wesharedhostileglancesandthenkeptwalkingasifwehadn’tjustinsultedeachotherwhileIwascheckingoutherass.
“Ofcourse,I’llbepayingyouforyourtime,”Icontinued.
“Aglorifiedbabysitter.Awesome.Howmuchwillyoupayme?I’dliketoremindyouthatIwasemotionallyscarredbythosefivehoursspentinprison.”
Iignoredthejab.“Dan,theheadofmysecurity—orbodyguard,whateveryou’dliketocallhim—hepicksAidenupfromkindergartenthendropshimoffathome,soyouwon’tbewithhimallday.”
“Icanpickhimuptooifyouneedyourbodyguardtoprotectyoufromyourexcitedfans.Godforbidtheylaytheireyesonyouoranything.Whatwillyoudowithouthim?”
IspottedAiden’ssleepingformand,nottoofaraway,OlivesittingonJason’slap.Sincetheywerekeepinganeyeonhim,IreachedouttograbLucy’sarmtostopher.ItoldmyselfitwasonlybecauseIdidn’twantAidentohearmyvoiceandwakeup.Itwasmostlybecauseofthat.
WhenItouchedherskin,itwascold.Shewascold.Idroppeditbeforeshecouldshrugmeoff.
“You’llneedtosignanNDA.”
SheopenedhermouthtoargueaboutitasIexpected,butthencloseditwithoutsayinganything.Studyingme,sheremainedsilentassherubbedherhandsupanddownherarms.Icouldalreadyseesmallgoosebumpsappearingonthelengthofherarms.“Let’sgoinside,you’recold.”
WhywouldIeventhinkshewouldlistentome?Shestoodhergroundandsighed.“I’llsignit.Idon’tplanontalkingtoanyoneaboutyou.”
“It’snotjustaboutme.Youcan’ttalkaboutanythingyouhearwhileyou’rewithAidentoanyone.Notevenyourfriends.”
Sheglancedtowardherfriendsandsomethingchangedinherexpression.Ididn’tlikeit,especiallythosecalculatingeyesofhers.Nothinggoodwouldcomeofit.
“I’lllookafterAiden,andI’llsignyourstupidNDA,too,butIhavearequestofmyown,”shesaidfinally,hereyesmeetingmine.
“I’mnothiringyoutobehisfull-timenanny.Youdon’tgettohaverequests.”
“Ido.AndI’mrequestingtosleepoveratyourplacefortheweek.I’llspendmytimewithOliveafteryoucomehomesoyouwon’tseeme,butI’mcomingbacktosleep.”
Genuinelyconfused,Ifrowneddownatherandasked,“Why?”Didn’tJasonwantherinthehouse?Imean,Iwouldn’tblamehimforit,butfromallhe’dsaidaboutherwhenhe’dcometotalkmeoutofpressingchargesandgettingarestrainingorder,I’dassumedshewassomehowimportanttohim.
“Lookatthem,”shesaid,motioningtowardJasonandOlivewithherhead.
IlookedandsawwhatI’dalreadyseenjustaminutebefore:OlivesittingbetweenJason’slegsastheysmiledandwhisperedtoeachother.“And?”
Shesighedandrolledhereyes.“Theyloveeachother.”
Asifthatexplainedeverything.“IwishIunderstoodyourlanguage,’causeI’mthinkingalotofthingswouldmakesensethen,butIdon’t,soyou’llhavetospellitout.Whythehellwouldyousleepinmyhomebecausetheyloveeachother?”
Thosegoosebumpsmadeanappearanceagain,andsheforcefullystuffedherhandsinherbackpockets,unknowinglythrustingherbreastsout.
Isnappedmygazeup.
“Iwasdatingthisguyandwewerelivingtogether,butafterwegraduatedheleftthecity.”
“Heleftyou,youmean.Smartman.”
Hereyesshotsparks,andshepressedherlipstogether.
Ismiled.“I’msorry,thatwasuncalledfor.Goon.”
“Mynamewasn’tonthelease,sotheywantedmeout.Sinceyou’resuchasmartguy,I’msureyoualreadyknowthatI’mnotclosewithmygrandmother.IfI’dgonetostaywithher…Idon’tevenwanttothinkaboutthat.Let’sjustsay,shedrainsme,oflife,positivity,everything.So,ofcourse,Olivetookmein,andI’vebeenhereformorethantwoweeksnow.”
“Istillhavenoideawhereyou’regoingwiththis,sweetheart.”
“Don’tcallmesweetheart.ThisisthesecondtimeI’mwarningyou.Ihateitwhenpeopleusethatwordwiththattone.”
Watchingmeintently,sheshiftedherweightfromherleftfoottoherright,handsstillsecuredinherbackpockets,shoulderstensedandhighup.
Beforecrossingmyarmsovermychest,Imotionedforhertogoon.
“LikeIsaid,I’vebeenhereformorethantwoweeksnow,andthisistheirhome.Granted,theywereinLondonthatfirstweek,butstill,whatifJasonwantstofuckherbrainsoutinthekitchen?”
Myarmsdroppeddown.
“Well,hecan’t,”shecontinued.“Hecan’tbecauseI’minthehouse.NotthatI’mtryingtolisteninonthemoranything,butIdon’tevenhearamoanatnightandtrustme,Oliveisamoaner.Anyway,Olivewaitedaverylongtimeforthatguy,andshedeservestohaveloud,earth-shatteringsex,soI’llbestayingatyourplace.That’llgivethemaweektodowhatevertheywanttodowherevertheywanttodoit.I’mhopingtofindanapartmentassoonasIgetajobanyway.”
Frozeninplace,allIcoulddowasliftaneyebrowather.HadIlostmymind,thinkingAidenwouldbefinetospendafewdayswithher?Clearlysatisfiedwiththeeyebrowlift,shenoddedandturnedaroundtojoinherfriends—onlyshetrippedonsomethinganddidn’thaveenoughtimetofreeherhandstobalanceherself.Icaughtherbyherarmasecondbeforeshewouldhaveface-plantedintoanactualplant.
DidIgetathankyou?Thatwouldbeaskingtoomuch.
“Goddamnit,Olive,”sheyelledintothenight.“I’mgonnacutdownallyourbusheswithmyownhands!”ThensheturnedtomeandshruggedmeoffbeforeIcouldtakemyhandaway.“AndwhatisitwithyouandmyarmforGod’ssake?Everychanceyouget,youlatchontoit.Doyouhaveafetishorsomething?”
Ididn’tremembersayingyestoherrequest,butshe’dsomehowmanagedtoinviteherselftostayatmyplace.
ChapterSevenLucy
Witheverypassingday,IhatedAdamConnorevenmore;howthatwasevenpossible…don’taskme.Ithadsomehowstartedtobecomeapassionofmine.Why?Becausehewas…aslybastard,becauseheworkedoutshirtlessinhisbackyard,becausehemadehissonlaugh,becausehisarmswereallmasculineandsexy,becausehisarmswerepepperedwithhair,becausetherewassomethingcalledforearmporn,becausehisvoicehadtheabilitytogiveyoutinyorgasms,annoyingtinyorgasmsthatforcedyoutocrossyourlegsorapplysomekindofsneakypressure.Ihatedthoseorgasms;theyleftmeunsatisfiedandonlyremindedmethatIhadn’thadsexinweeks.Weeks,Itellya!Leavesexaside,Ihadn’tevenhadakiss.Afreakinginnocentkiss.Canyouevenimaginewhatthatdoestoagirl?Yourbodyreactsdifferentlytoallkindsofthings.
AdamConnorbeingoneofthem.
Tingles.
Everywhere.
Long.
Short.
Painful.
Pleasure-filledtingles.
Youeverhadatinyorgasmjustbecauseaguysaid—no,whispered,Iloveyou,littleman,tohissonwhilehewastuckinghimintobed?No?That’sjustme?Well,excusethehelloutofmethen.Youshouldvisityourdoctortomakesureeverythingisallrightifyoudon’tgetthetingleswhenyouhearAdamConnortellinghissonheloveshim.Soyeah,AdamConnorwasanassholeformakingmetingle—andthat’smebeingfrugalwithmybadwords.
DoyoufinallyseewhereI’mcomingfrom,ordoyouneedmetogoonwiththelistofwhyIhatedAdamConnorsomuch?
Allinall,hisvoicesucked.Whetherhewasprofessinghislovetohislittlemanortalkingtohisexinhushedtones,hisvoicesuckedjustasmuchashedid.
Thefirstdayofmyunexpectedbabysitterjobdidn’tsuckthatmuch,though;Ihadn’thadthefulleffectofhimatthatpoint.Ihadspentmostofmydaygluedtomyphonetalkingtoandemailingbackandforthwithpublishingcompanies,tryingtohammeroutthebestdealforOlive’sbooks.Andyouknowwhat,asmuchasI’dthoughtIwouldn’tbeanyhelptoher,IwasstartingtorealizethatIwasn’thalfbadatit.SomylittlegreenOlivewasrightafterall.Thedealsthatwereonthetable—Ihadfoursofar—werealreadybetterthanwhattheotheragentshadpromisedtogether.SoIwasdoingabangin’jobatbeingthetemporaryagent.
Thenaroundthreeo’clock,thebigbadbodyguarddroppedAidenoffandrudelytoldmetokeephimsafeandinsidetheperimeterofthehouse,asifheweretrustingmetoprotectthepresident—notthatIwouldn’tprotecthim,buthewasafive-year-oldkid,forGod’ssake.Still,therestofthedayandtheeveningwentsmoothly.Wehadfunandtalkedaboutallkindsofthings,fromhisfriendsatschooltothegirlhelikedsittingwithtowhyhedidn’tlikesleepingintrailers.Atsomepoint,Olivecameoutofherwritingcave,pushingpauseontheeditsshewasworkingonforherlatestbookandjoiningusforicecream.
Iwishyoucould’veseenthewayAidengotallshyaroundOlive,givingherallkindsoflooks.Hewasgoingtobeaheartbreaker,thatwasforsure.Justlikehisassholefather,exceptAidenwouldn’tbeanasshole;hewastoocuteforthat.
Itwasfun.Thelittlehumanwasfun,cute,andsmart—everythinghisfatherwasn’t,andIwasmaybeatadbitinlovewithhim.Theson.Notthefather
Definitelynotthefather.
Becausewho’dwanttofallinlovewithabastardwhohadavoicethatcouldgiveyouorgasms,right?
Right.
Anyway,I’dgivenuponlovecompletely,hadn’tI?Bettertostayawayfromthecurseatallcosts.
So,itwasallgreatuntilhecametopickupasleepyAiden.Webarelysaidtwowordstoeachother,buthemadesureIsignedhisstupidNDAandtoldmehehadaroomreadyformetostayin.HesaidthenextdayIshouldspendmytimewithAidenattheirplaceinsteadofatOlive’s.IjustnoddedanddisappearedfromsightashechattedwithJasoninhushedtones,andAidenpromptlyfellasleeponhisshoulder.
Thesecondday,IgotacallfromanunknownnumberasIwasemailingTom,Jason’sagent,togethisopiniononsomething.ItwasDantheMangivingmeaparticularlysharpordertocomenextdoor.TickedoffbecausehehadhunguponmebeforeIcouldopenmymouth,Imarchedovertotheirplace,onlytofindhe’dalreadyleft.Iletitgo.Barely
SeeingAiden’shappyfacehelpedtoo.ItwasgoingtobemyfirstdayspendingthenightathisplaceandwhenItoldhimaboutit,Aidenseemedtobethehappiestpersonaboutmysleepingarrangementsbecauseaccordingtohim,Iwasgoingtobehisfirstsleepover,andweweregoingtohaveloadsoffun.
Again,everythingwasperfectuntilAdamshowedup.Ashelistenedtohissonchatteraboutourday,hecarriedthelittlehumantobed.Thinkinghewouldn’tbebackanytimesoon,hefoundmejustasIwasclimbinguptheladderI’dsecuredagainsthissideofthewallearlierthatday.
“Whatthehellareyoudoing?”heasked,almoststartlingmeofftheladder.
“Singing‘HakunaMatata’,”Irepliedwithoutlookingdownathim.Youneverlookthedevilintheeye.Icouldalreadyfeelhimshakinghisheadindisapprovalanyway.Judgybastard.“Youdon’texpectmetowalkinandoutofthegateseverytimeIwanttogonextdoor,doyou?”
“Thatwouldbewhatanormalpersonwoulddo.”
“Normalisboring.You’rewelcometodoso.This…”Reachingthetop,Istraddledthewallandfinallylookeddownathim—nothiseyes,though;thatwastoomuch.“…ismuchfasterandeasier.”
“Ifyouwannabreakyourneck,bemyguest,”hesaid,crossinghisarms.Helookedsomajestic,theuglydouche.
Igavehimabig,fakesmile,showingallmyteeth.“Howthoughtfulofyou.I’mtouched.”AsIwasabouttoclimbdown,hecalledmyname,soIlookedbackathim.
“Atleastbeconsiderateenoughtobreakyourneckwhileyou’reontheothersideofthiswall.”
Igavehimthefingerwithasweetsmileandignoredthefainttwitchofhismouth.
Justasmyfeethitthegroundontheothersideofthewallandthestupidbushgrazedmyarmyetagain,Iheardhisvoice.
“Ifyouwanttosleepoverhere,bebackinanhourorI’mactivatingthealarm.”
“Givemethecode,”Isaid,raisingmyvoicesohecouldhearme.
“No.”
ThenIheardhisretreatingfootstepsonthestonepathway.BythetimeIhadclimbeduptosayIdon’tevenknowwhat—maybeyellathimforayettobedeterminedreason—hewasalreadybackinthehouse.
Itrash-talkedhimtoOlivethewholehourIhad,hadalatedinnerwithherandhercheekyhusband,andwentoverthewallagain.
WhenIknockedontheglassdoor,Danletmeinwithabarelyheldbackfrown.Imarchedrightintotheroomthelastnannyhadsleptinandwenttosleepgrumblingtomyself.TosaythatIwasn’twelcomewasanunderstatement.Hewasn’twelcomeinmyhearteither…notthathewasinterestedinmyheart,but…
Let’sjustmoveon.
ThethirddaywasaWednesday,anditwasahappyday.Adamwasn’tcominghomefromtheset,andthebodyguardhadactuallytalkedtomeinsentences.Exactlythreesentences,butwhowascounting,right?Icould’veswornIsawasmile,too,butthenagainmaybethatwasjustwishfulthinking.Aroundthattime,Aidenlearnedthathisfatherwasn’tcominghome,andhestartedcrying.Itmust’vebeenmyoffdayorsomethingbecausewhenIsawhimcryingsoearnestlywithoutevenmakingasound,myheartbrokealittle,andIshedsometearswithhim.
So,yeah,AdamConnornotcominghome…didn’tmeanahappyday.Itwasasad,sadday.
Thefourthdaywasamellowday.Olivejoinedusagain,andIbrieflymentionedthedealsI’droundedup,notgoingintothedetails.Therestoftheday,IspentanawfullotoftimewatchingSpongeBobSquarePantsandmakingsureAidenwassmiling.AvoidingCatherine’scallswasalsooneofmymajorachievementsoftheday.
IfellasleepwhilewewerewatchingTheLionKinginthelivingroom.WhenIwokeup,Aidenwasnolongerloungingonthecarpet,kickinghisfeetupashekepthisfocusonthehumongousflatscreen.Iwassnuggledcomfortablyunderathinblanketthathadn’tbeentherewhenI’dfirstclosedmyeyes.Shruggingitoff,Igotupandwenttobed.ItoldmyselfAdamConnorwasn’tthoughtfulenoughorkindenoughtocovermeup.
Ididn’tseehimatallthatday.
Itwaskindofasadday.
Thejerk.
Thefifthday…
Thefifthday,AdelineYoung,Adam’sex,Aiden’smom,tookhissonfromschool.AdamcalledmetoletmeknowIwouldn’thavetolookafterhimthatday.Hesoundedangry,soIdidn’tpushforanswers.
Thesixthday,Ididn’tseeanyoftheConnorboys.IwasonlysupposedtolookafterAidenforaweek,soitwasmylastdaywithhim.Withthem.
Itwas…itwasa…normalday,Iguess.
ChapterEightAdam
DespiteDan’sobjections,IfeltI’dmadetherightchoiceaskingforLucy’shelp.Yes,asfarasweknew,shedidn’thaveanykindofbackgroundwithkids,butI’dwatchedherwithAiden,andI’dheardplentyaboutherfromAiden.Hewashappyaroundher,andIwantedhimhappy.Allofthataside,Iknewshewouldkeephimsafe.She’dalreadydonethatonce.Besides,Danhaddoneabackgroundcheckonhertheminuteshe’dleftthehousewiththecopsthatday.
Shewascleanasawhistle.
ThefirstdayshewassupposedtolookafterAiden,DanhadinsistedweputasmalllisteningdeviceononeofAiden’stoysandmakesureeverythingwasokaythroughouttheday.Ididn’tobject;itwasthesafetyofmyson.Overkill?Whocares;mymindwasatease.
WhenIwasoveratJason’splacetopickupAiden,Iwasrunningonthreehoursofsleep.IhadagrumblingLucysignthedamnNDAthengrumblesomemore,andIgotoutofthereassoonaspossible.
Thesecondday,afterIspentsometimewithAiden,IfoundLucy’sveryfirmassclimbingupthewallthatseparatedJason’spropertyfrommine.
Apartfrombeingapainintheass,shewasdoingherbesttostayoutofmyway,whichwasasurpriseformeconsideringshe’dwatchedmeandmysonwithoutourknowledgeforGodknewhowlong.
Itwasgoingtobethefirstnightshe’dspendinmyhouse,andIpreferredhertokeepherdistanceasmuchaspossible.I’dacceptedherrequestonlybecauseIwasoutofoptions.Aidenhadatendencytodisappearintohimselfwhenhewasn’thappy,andtakinghimtothesetwithmewasoutofthequestion.IwouldneverforgethowmuchI’dhateditwhenmyparentstookVickyandmewiththem,onlytoforgetaboutusforhourswhiletheywerelostintheirownworld.Sure,theyhadtheirassistantscheckuponustomakesurewewerestillbreathingandbehaving,butsomedayswebarelyevensawtheirfaces.However,wemadegoodprops.Vicky,withhergoldenhairandbiggreeneyes,wasmymother’schoiceofaccessory.Sheusedtodressherupandmakesureshewasseen,justsothepaparazziwouldgetshotsofthemandtalkabouttheirfashionchoices.
Itwasasimilarthingwithmeandmyfather.Sure,wedidn’tmakethecoveroftabloidswithourfashionchoices,butthatwasn’tthepoint,wasit?TheConnorfamilywasabrandandthatwasit.
Ourbestmemoriesweretheoneswherewewouldn’tseeourparentsformonthswhentheyhadlocationshoots.Itwouldn’tbethesameforAiden.Thatwasthewholepoint.
Thethirdday,itwasaverylongday.BetweentryingtofindanewPRfirmtoshootingextrascenesforthemovie,Iwasswamped.AddinanargumentwithAdelineaboutAiden,andanotherargumentwiththestudioaboutmycontract…andmydaywascompletelyfucked.
ItwasearlymorningwhenImadeithome.Despitehavingbeenawakeformorethanthirty-sixhours,ImadesuretospendsometimewithAidenbeforeDandrovehimtohisschool.
Thethirdday,Ididn’tseeLucyMeyer’ssmilingface.
Thefourthday,whenIcamehome,IfoundthemsleepingonoppositesidesofthesamecouchasSimbarolledaroundwithNalaonthescreen.
Istoppedmyselffromgoingtotheirsideandjustwatchedthemquietly.
Aidenwassleepingwithhismouthwideopenasalways,hishandsunderhishead.HemurmuredsomethingandthensoftlykickedLucy’slegsashestruggledtoturntohisotherside.Mygazestrayed,andIfoundmyselfwatchingLucy’sface.Shewascurledintoherself,herkneestuckedin.Hershoulder-lengthhairwastiedupinabun,givingmeaclearviewofherface.IcouldseeahintofhershoulderthroughthesmallopeningofherT-shirt.Shelookedsoinnocent,thecompleteoppositeofherusualloudself.IfIhadn’tbeenlisteninginonAidenandher,Idon’tthinkIwould’vefeltsafeleavinghimwithher,butsinceIknewexactlyhowtheyspenttheirdaysthroughDan,Iwasokaywithmyhastydecision.
Thedoorbehindmeopenedandclosed,andLucystirred.Ikeptmyeyesonher,waitingforhertowakeupandaccusemeofsomething,butotherthantheinitialtwitchofhershoulders,shestayedstill.
“They’redownalready?”Danasked,comingtostandnexttome.
“Lookslikeit.”
“Sheisgoodwithhim,”hesaidinasofttoneashekepthiseyesontheduo.“Sheisteachinghimhowtosingwithherfriend,andheisteachingthemhowtoact.Heisquitedemanding,too.”
“Soundslikeyouhadfunlisteninginonthem.”
“Right,”hesaidshortly,andIsmiledathistone.
“Sheisahandful,”Icommented,havingtroublekeepingmyeyesawayfromher.
Dangrunted,soIforcedmyselftoglanceathim.InoticedhiseyeswereonLucy,too.
Iclearedmythroatandheadedtowardthekitchen.Afterasecondofhesitation,Danfollowedme.
Iopenedthefridgetogetsomewater.
“Everythinglooksokay.Noonewaswaitingaroundtonight.”
“That’sgood.TheyareonAdelinemorethanme.”
“Howdidyourtalkwithhergo?Youthinkyou’llbeabletoconvinceherwithoutgoingtocourt?”
Sighing,Ileanedintothefridge.“Youwantsomethingtodrink?”Iasked,takingoutabottleofwater.
“I’llskip.”
“No,sheisn’ttakingmeseriously.Idon’tknowwhatshe’splayingat,butit’snotgonnabeaseasyaswethought.I’dthoughtshe’dbealloveritsinceheisthereasonsheaskedforadivorceinthefirstplace,butmaybethatwasn’titatall.Ihavenoideawhat’sgoingoninthatmindofhers.”
“Maybesheneedstime.Maybesheisworriedaboutwhatthepublicwillthinkofherifshedoesn’tfightforthecustodyofherson,”Dansuggested,casuallyleaningagainstthedoorway.
“Maybe,”Isaid.Itookafewsipsofwater.“Maybethat’sit.Maybeshe’llcomearound.”
Godknewwhatthepublicthoughtofher,whatherfriendssaidbehindherbackmatteredverymuchforAdeline.Shewouldn’tbeabletoexplainAiden’ssuddenabsencefromherlife.
“Don’tworry,shewill.Besides,itwouldbehardonAidenifhejustsawherovertheweekends.”
“Iwanthimwithme,Dan,”Isaid,meetinghiseyes.DanwasoneoftheveryfewpeoplewhoknewalmosteverythingabouttheConnorfamily,allthegoodandthebad.
“Iknowyoudo,boss,butthesethingstaketime.Letherbeforawhile.Let’sseewhatshe’lldonowthatsheisfreefromallthatwasholdingherback.”
Adeline’swords,nothis.
Inoddedandstayedsilent.
Danstraightenedandlookedoverhisshoulderintothelivingroom.“Ifyouhaveeverythingundercontrolhere,I’llleave.”
“Sure.I’llcallyoulater,butyoudon’thavetopickupAidentomorrowmorning.IpromisedhimI’ddrophimoffathisschool.ThenIhavethemeetingwiththenewPRfirm.”Iglancedattheclockonthewall:11:00PM.“Takethemorningoffifyouwantto.I’llbeonsetaftermymeetinganyway.”
“Ithoughtyouwerewrappingthingsupthisweek.Stillshooting?”
“Yeah,Matthew—whowasthedirector—wantstotryadifferentendingandextenditwithafewaddedscenes.”
“Okay,we’lltalkbeforeIpickAidenup,”Dansaid,thenpausedatthemouthofthelivingroom.“Doyouneedhelpcarryingoneofthemtobed?”Heliftedaneyebrowandwaitedforananswer.Ihadaguessatwhichonehewasreferringto,andIdidn’tlikeit.
Ithrewthewaterbottleintothetrashcanandwalkedtohisside.Theywerestillsoundasleep.
“No.She’dprobablymakeasceneandaccuseusofassaultingherinhersleep.”
Danchuckled.“True.True.”Turninghisbacktotheview,heputhishandonmyshoulderandgavemeaseriouslook.“Becarefulwithher,Adam.ShemightbegoodwithAiden,butthatdoesn’tmeanshe’dbegoodwithyou.”
“Whatthehellisthatsupposedtomean?”
“Justwarningyou.”
“Aboutwhat?”Iasked,myvoicehardening.
Heliftedhishandsup,palmsout,andheadedoutaftersaying,“Iseehowyouwatchher.Justtakeitasadvicefromafriend,nothingmore.”
Icouldn’tbesureifhewaswarningmeoffbecausehewasinterestedinthespitfirehimself,orforacompletelydifferentreason.IshookitoffandgatheredAideninmyarmsasgentlyaspossible.
HiseyesflutteredopenasIwastuckinghimintobed.
“Daddy?”
“Shhh,”Imurmured,combinghishairbackwithmyfingers.
Hiseyesbarelyopen,heasked,“Youwon’tdieyet,willyou?”
TheeffectsofLionKing…
“Iwon’t,littleman.It’stimetogotosleepnow.”
“Kay.”Henoddedreadilyandpulledthecoversuptohisneck.“LucycriedwhenMufasadied,soIhuggedherandtoldheritwasallmadeupandshewasbeingsilly.Iwasright,wasn’tI?”
“Shecried?”
“Uh-huh.Likereallycriedwithtearsandall,notfakecrylikePennyfrommyclassdoes.Ihuggedherandpattedherbackandmadeherlaugh.”
“Goodjob,buddy,”Isaid,smiling.“Now,gobacktosleep.”
“ButIwasright,wasn’tI?Ididgood?”
“Youdidgood,Aiden.”
“Loveyou,Daddy.”
Ipressedakisstohisforehead.“Loveyou,too,Aiden.”
Insecondshewasout.
AssoonasIturnedoffthelightsinAiden’sroom,myfeettookmebacktoLucy’sside.
SoshecriedforMufasa…afterallthetimesshetoldmehowmuchshehatedme,shehadaheartafterall.
Ikneeledinfrontofherandwaitedforhertowakeupandscreamatme.Whenshedidn’t,Isurprisedmyselfbyreachingupandgentlytouchingherexposedwrist.MaybeIdidwanthertowakeupandscreamatme.MaybeIdidenjoyseeingthatheatinhereyes,thatflashofsomethingIcouldn’texactlyputanameon.MythoughtsstrayedtoAdeline,howcalmshewas,how…soft,forlackofabetterword.Howmuchshehadchangedinjustafewyears…wasImissingher?TheoldAdeline?Isthatwhatthiswas?
Don’tgetmewrong,Lucylookedsoftinalltherightplaces,buttherewassomethingaboutherthatwassolid.Real.Forallhercrazy,shewasalsonormal,andIenviedherforthatfreedom
Sheknewwhoshewas,andshehadnoproblemshowingherselftotheworld.
Whenshemadeasoftnoiseinhersleep,Igotup,threwathinblanketoverher,andleftheralone.
AsmuchasIseemedtoenjoygoingheadtoheadwithher,Ihadtostopmyselffromgettingclose.Shortorlong,meaningfulormeaningless—anykindofrelationshipwithafanwasabadidea,andLucyMeyerwastheworstkindoffan,thekindthatwasn’tafraidtogetinyourfaceandforceyoutorecognizeher.MyonlyfocuswasgettingfullcustodyofAidenandgivinghimanewnormal,andIhadtorememberthatatalltimes.Noneofitmatteredanyway;I’dfindsomeonetolookafterAidenwhilehespenthisweekwithAdeline,andwewouldn’tseeLucyagain.
Iwasn’tlookingforaquicklay—I’dhadenoughofthosetolastalifetime—andIwasn’tlookingforarelationshipeither.WhatIwaslookingforwasmybed.Iwastiredandsleep-deprived.Ineededtogetatleastafewhoursofsleepinbeforeanotherdaystartedandwedidallthesamethingsalloveragain.
ChapterNineLucy
“Olive,areyouonehundredpercentsureaboutthis?”
“Why?ComeoutsoIcansee.”
“Areyousureyougavehermydresssizeandnotsomeimaginarygirlyoucookedupinyourmind?”Ilookeddownatmyself,yetagain,andtriedtomakeadecision.“Onceyouseethis,itcanneverbeunseen.Don’tsayIdidn’twarnyou.”
“Lucy,comeon.Getoutofthere.”
“Asyouwish,mygreenOlive.”Ishrugged,triedtotakeadeepbreath,andsteppedoutofthebathroom.
Itwasaroundteno’clockinthemorningandwewereinOlive’sbedroom,whereshedidbad,badthingswithherprettyhusbandthatshedidn’tsharewithherfriend—shareasintell—tryingondressesfortheLAgalaforSoulAcheweweresupposedtoattendthatevening
Ashortwhilebefore,Jason’sstylisthaddroppedofftendifferentoptionsforbothOliveandme,andweweretryingthemonuntilwefoundtherightones.
“OhmyGod.”Olivebreathedoutwhensheliftedherheadupfromherphone,hereyesgluedtomychest.“OhmyGod.What’shappeningtoyourboobs?”
Ifrownedatherandputmyhandsundermyboobs,glancingdownforashortmoment.“Thisdressishappeningtomyboobies.Whatdoesitlooklikefromthere?”
“Oh,itlooks…itjustlooks,youknow.Likealot.”
“Well,Iwarnedyou.Can’tsayIdidn’t.”AsIwaswalkingtothefull-lengthmirror,Ipushedmythumbsbetweenthethickfabricandmybreastsandtriedtopullituphigher.Theonlyissuewasthatnothingwasbudging.Ilookedatmyselfinthemirror,andthenglancedatOliveovermyshoulder.
“Youknow,IthinkIcanactuallymotorboatmyselfinthisdress.Howfunwouldthatbe?”
“Lucy.”Shegroanedandsatuponherkneesonthebed.“Comehere.LetmeseeifIcanpullitup.”
“Ialreadytriedthat,”Isaid,butIstillturnedaroundtowalkovertoher.“Ithinkthisisashighasitcango.Mypoorboobscan’tevenbreatheinthisthing.Howdoyouevenmanagetowalkwithyourpuppies?Imean,sure,they’regoodtosleepon,butthis”—Iliftedmyboobsevenhigherwithmyhands—“thisisjustridiculous.They’realmosttouchingmychin,forGod’ssake!HelpmegetoutofthisbeforeIexplode.”
“Butthestraplesslookssogoodwithyourshorthair.”
“Try,Olive,”Isaid,givingupandlettinggoofmyboobsasIstoodinfrontofher.“Justtrytomakeitworkthen.”
Shebitherbottomlipandjustkeptlookingatmyboobs.
Isnappedmyfingersinfrontofherface.“Excuseme!I’mnotjustsomepieceofmeat.”
“I’msorry.”Shelaughed.“I’msorry,butIjustcan’tlookaway.”Eyesstillonme,shestartedtoyankupthefabric.
“Well,thanks,”Idrawledwhenshemanagedtomakeitevenworse.“Ialwayswantedtoknowhowitwouldfeelifmychindisappearedbetweenmyboobs.”
Shelaughedandletgoofthedress,watchingmyboobsbounceintheaftermath.Thenshereachedoutwithherfingerandpushedattheswellofmybreast
“Itfeelsnice,right?”Iasked,pressingwithmyownfingeratmyotherbreast.“Likeasoftcloud.That’swhyIlovesleepingonyours.”
Shenoddedabsently.“YoudefinitelylooklikeaD.”
“I’mnotaD.BarelyaC.”
“Well,thedressmakesyoulooklikeaD.”Shepulledbackherfingerandlookedupatmyface,thenbackatmyboobs.“Huh.”
“Huh,what?”
“Actuallyyourfacelookssmallerthanyourboobs.It’sweird.IhopeIdon’tlooklikethatwhenI’mwearingastraplessdress.IfIdoandyouneversaidanything…”
“Iwilldefinitelytellyouifyourfacelookstentimessmallerthanyourboobs.”IwalkedbacktothemirrorjustsoIcouldseeiftherewasevenasmallpossibilityofmewearingitthatnight.Thedresswasbeautiful;thewayithuggedmybodyactuallydidwondersformywaistandhips,buttherewasnowayIcouldgooutinpublicandquitepossiblyinfrontofcameraslookinglikeIwasabouttoeatmyownbosom.“IfIdidn’thaveshorthair,Imight’veactuallyconsideredwearingit,justtogetpeople’sattention—andwhenIsaypeople,Imeanhotmen.No,nothotboys,hotmen.”Imanagedtoletoutasigh.“Becausehotboyssuck.Jamesonwasahotboywithabigdickandtattoos,butIwanthotmenandtheir—hopefully—bigdicks.”Ithoughtaboutthatforamoment,thenlookedatOlive.“Okay,that’snotfair.I’llsharewiththerestofthewomenintheworld.I’llsettlewithonlyonehotman.Iwon’tlovehim,butI’llusehimforsex.Andhehastohaveabigdick.Likeadickthatknowshowtogotoplaces,youknow.Placesnoteverydickcango.”
“IthinkIgetit,”shereplied,cuttingoffmytirade.“Youwantabigcock.”
“Ah,”Isighedsoftly,holdingmyheart.“Doyouevenknowhowhappyitmakesmyhearttohearyousay‘bigcock’.Ifeellikeyou’vegrownsomuch.AndIdon’tjustwantabigdick,Olive.Iwantakillerdick.Thereisadifference.I’dliketohaveathickone,nottoolong,though,becauseIdon’twannabepokedinallthewrongplaces.Mydearvaginaneedstobeabletotakeitallinandhug.Iwantakillerdick,likeitneedstoputmeintoacomaaftersex.”
Shelaughedandgotoffthebed.“Gotit.We’llorderyouakillerdickonline.Apinkone.Andwhatareyoueventalkingabout?Haveyouevenreadmybook?Isaycockanddickplentyoftimes.Isayevenmore…stuff.”
“Butwritingitandsayingitaretwoverydifferentthings.IbetJasongetsabonereverytimeyousaycock.”Igrinned.“Doyoutryoutsceneswithhim?Likewhenyougethornywhileyou’rewritingaspecificscene,doyoucallhimtosay,‘Comehomeanddome,Jason’?Doeshehaveakillerdick,Olive?”
Tryingherbesttoignoreme,shegotoffthebedtolookattheotherdressesthatwerehangingontherackthestylisthadleftbehind,asifshecouldescapeme.“Howaboutthisone?”sheasked,holdingupanotherbeautifuldressthatwaspowderpinkwithalmostnonexistentstrapsandaplungingneckline.
“Firstofall,yousuckatchangingthesubject;weneedtoworkonthat.”
Shehuffedandturnedherbacktomeagainasshefumbledwiththeremainingdresses.
“Second,thereisnothingwrongwithwantingabigdickthatcanpleasemyvagina.Andlastbutnotleast,whyareyousointentonlettingmyboobsouttoplaytonight?”
“BecauseIdon’twanttostickout.”
“Oh,Ithinkit’stoolateforthat.Youwrotethebookandtheyturneditintoamovie.Notstickingoutisoutofthequestion,Ibelieve,andI’mnotsuremyboobswouldbeofanyhelpinthatmatteranyway.Doyouthinktheyhavemagicorsomething?”
“Fine.Trythisone,”sheordered,pushingthepowderpinkdressintomyhands.
“Fine,”Isaid,walkingaroundhertogettotherack.“Thenyou’retryingthisone.”
Olivelookedatthewhitedressinmyhands:ithadalowdipinthebackanditwouldfallallthewaydowntotheflooronher.Shewasgoingtolookmesmerizing.
“White?”sheasked.
“Yes.White.Gochange.”Igaveheralittlepushandapatonherass,thenshedisappearedintothebathroom.
Theonlyreasonweweren’tgettingnakedinfrontofeachotherwasbecausewewantedtomakeagrandentranceeachtimewetriedanewone,buildupsomeexcitement.
“So…”sheyelledfromthebathroomasIsatmyassdownontheirbed.
“So?”
“So…howwasitwithAdamConnor?EverytimeIstartmentioninghimyoutellmeyouhatehimandthenchangethesubject,andunfortunatelyformeyouaregoodatthat.”
“AndwhatmakesyouthinkIwon’tchangeitnow?”
“Becauseyou’llpityme?BecauseallyousaidwhenyoujumpedoverthewalltothissideafterAidenwenttosleepwashowmuchyoudislikedAdam,andthat’snotfair.Becausehowcanyounottalkabouthimtomewhenyouspent…whatfour,fivenightsathishouse?Bytheway,Ihavenoideahowyougothimtoagreetothatconsideringthewayyoumeteachother.”
“MaybeI’mnottalkingabouthimbecauseIsignedanNDA?”
“Don’tgivemethatcrap,Lucy.YouknowI’mnotaskingaboutanyprivateconversationsyouhappenedtooverhear.I’mjustaskingwhatheislike.Like,whatdidyouguystalkabout?Didhesmileatyou?Didyouwakeupatnightandtakeapeekinhisroom?Doeshesleepnaked?Half-naked?”
IsnortedandreachedforOlive’sphone.“Iwonderwhosoundslikethepsychohere.”
“I’mjustaskingbecausethosearethethingsI’dexpectyoutodo.”
“Thanks,Olive.Icanansweroneofthequestionsyouhave.”
“Pleasetellmehewalksaroundnaked.”
“IthinkIneedtohaveatalkwithJason.Doesn’tsoundlikeyou’regettingitontheregular.”IopenedtheInternetbrowseronherphone.
“Iamgettingiteveryday,thankyouverymuch.”
Mylipstwitched.IlovedpushingOlive’sbuttons.
“I’mjustcurious.Callitresearchifyouwill.”
“Sure.Justresearch,”Idrawled,laughing.“Whattheheckareyoudoinginthere?”Iyelled.“GetoutheresoIcanhavealook.”
Sheopenedthedoorandsteppedout.“Ihadtopeefirst.”
“Whoa.”Iexhaled,myeyesbuggingout.“Holyshit,thatlooksgoodonyou.”Shelookeddownatherselfandpursedherlipsasifshewasn’tsure.“Youdon’tevenhavetotryanythingelse,Olive.I’mtellingyou,that’sthedressforyou.”
“Youthinkso?”Shewalkedovertothemirror,lookingoverhershouldertoseetheback.“Ilovehowlightitfeelsonmyskin,butit’sprettylowintheback.”
“It’sperfect.I’mnotlettingyouwearanythingelse.Jasonisgoingtoflip.”
Herlipstippedup,andshesmoothedthedressdownasshekepthereyesonthemirror.“IthinkIlikeittoo.”
“Trustme,it’lldrivehimcrazyeverytimeheputshishandonyourback.”
“Okay.I’msold.”
“And,”Isaid,waitingforhertolookatme.“Itlooksbeautifulonyou.It’sgoingtobeanamazingnight,Olive.Youhavenothingtoworryabout.”
Shetookadeepbreathandexhaled.“HowdoyouknowI’mworrying?”
Iquirkedaneyebrowatherandpattedthespotnexttome.“BecauseIhappentoknowyouverywell.”
Shesmiledalittleshakilyandsatdown.“IsittooobviousthatIdon’tlikethispartallthatmuch?I’dmuchratherseethemovieforthefirsttimewithjustJasonandyou—notwithallthecamerasandalltheseotherpeopleIdon’tevenknow.It’ssomethingveryspecialtomeandtheydon’tevenknowme.”
“Youcanignoreeveryone,Olive.ThisisyournightwithJason,trytothinkofitlikethat.Nomatterwhat,it’llbeabeautifulnight.Everyonewilltalkaboutyou.Youshouldbeproudofyourself.”
“Iwishmyparentscould’vecome,buttheydon’twanttohaveallthelightsandcamerasonthem.We’llgoouttherewithJasonnextweekandwatchitwiththem.Youbeingwithmetonighthelpscalmmealittle,whichisashocker,butI’mstillalljittery.”
“You’retellingme.”Ishookmyhead.“YouhateitwhenIwakeyouupearly,yetthismorningyouwokemeupatfiveAM.Ithinkthatwasmyfirstclueastohownervousyouwere.”
Shegavemeasheepishsmileanddroppedonherback.“GoingtoothergalaswithJasonwasokay,butthisfeelsdifferent.Idon’twantthefocusonme,butMegansaidI’dhavetodointerviewswithJason.I’mgonnascrewup.”
MeganwasJason’spublicist,andshewasabadass.
“You’regonnabejustfine.I’llbethere.Jasonwillbethere.Afteryougetoverthefirstpart,theinterviews,andalltheflashingcameras,it’llbeamazing.Themoviewillbeamazing.”
Shenoddedandclosedhereyes.“Okay.”
Ireachedforherphoneandlaynexttoher.“Here,letmeshowyousomething.Iwannascreamandjumpupanddown,butI’mafraidthat’lljustfreakyououtmore.”
“Isitsomethingbad?Ifitis,forgetaboutit,Idon’twanttoknow.”
IunlockedherphoneandpulledupAmazon’swebsite.“DoIscreamandjumpupanddownwhenit’ssomethingbad?”
“Onecanneverknowwhatyou’lldo.”
“Harhar.Here,lookatthis.”Iheldthephoneupbetweenussoshecouldsee.
“Oh.”
“Yeah.Oh.”ShewasbacktobeingnumberoneontheAmazoncharts,andquitepossiblyalltheotherplatforms,too.Idroppedthephoneonthebed,andwestaredupattheceilinginsilence.“You’reakillerauthor,Olive,andI’mproudofyou.”
“Likeakillerdick?”sheasked,amusementevidentinhertone.
“Exactly.”
“Okay,Icanlivewiththat.CanwetalkaboutAdamConnorforabit?Please.I’msureit’llcalmmedown.”
“You’renotfoolinganyone,Olive,”Isaid.“AndIdon’tliketheguy,whatmorecanIsay?Iadorethekid,though.He’sprettyawesome.”
“Andyouwerespendingyourdayswatchinghimbecauseyoudidn’tliketheguy,isthatit?”
“Thatwasthen,thisisnow.Hemighthaveafantasticbody,andagoodsizedbulge—”
“Don’tforgetthekillersmile,”sheremindedme.
“Heneversmilesatme,soIwouldn’tknowthat,but…”
“Butwhat?”
“But…nothing.Heisanassholewhosendsinnocentpeopletojail,andIhatehim.”
“Herewegoagain,”Olivemurmured
You’rethinkingthesamething,aren’tyou?Mayberollingyoureyes?Don’tdoit.Don’tgetmewrong,theguywaslickable,atreeIwouldn’thavemindedclimbing.Afterall,howcouldInotthinksoafterseeinghimsocloseup?ButthatwasbeforeIsawhistruenature.
Ihatedhimandthatwasit.
“Soooo,”Olivestartedafterashortmoment.“DoyouwanttotalkaboutJameson?”
Igroaned.
***
Wemadeittothepremiereinonepiece,andIwaswearingthepowderpinkish-nudedresswiththeplungingnecklineasmyboobssaidhitoeveryoneglancingmyway.Iwasn’tcomplaining,notreally.Ilookedgoodafterall.Olive,though…OlivelookedphenomenalinJason’sarms.Shewasn’ttheleadingactressinthemovie,butthatwashowthemediawasportrayingher,andshedefinitelygotmoreattentionthantheactualleadingactress.ItwasJasonandOlive.Thenightwastheirs.Iwassohappyforher,sofreakinghappythatshe’dfoundwhatshewaslookingfor.
Me?Therewasnosignofmykillerdick,yet.Iwashopeful,though;I’dkeeplooking.
IstoodattheendoftheredcarpetwhereOliveandJasonwereansweringquestionsforthereporters.Assoonaswe’dexitedthecar,JasonhadsecuredherhandinhisandfromwhatIcouldsee,hestillhadn’tletgoofher.IsmiledandwasactuallythinkingaboutsneakinginsidewhereI’dheardIcouldfindanopenbarwhensomeonespokebehindme.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”
Thatvoice.Istiffened,butunfortunatelycouldn’tstopthegoosebumpsfrommakinganappearance.SlowlyIturnedaround.
AdamfreakingConnor.
DearGod…
Helookedgoodenoughtofuckoutintheopen.Icould’vehadsomuchfunwithhimifonlyheweren’tsuchabastard.
“Whatareyoudoinghere?”Iaskedinsteadofansweringhim.
Hiseyesdroppedtomyboobs,andhefrowned.Ifrownedtooandlookeddowntomakesurenothingwaswrong.WhenIcouldn’tfindanythingwrong,Iputmyhandsonmyboobsandliftedmyeyesbacktohis.Hewasstilllooking.
Smilingsweetly,Itiltedmyheadandasked,“Wouldyouliketotouchthem?”
Hiseyesflewuptomineandhisfrowndeepened.“What?”Heshookhishead.“Nevermind.Whatareyoudoinghere?”
“WhatdoyouthinkI’mdoinghere?”Iaskedback,droppingmyfakesmile.You’dthinkhewouldbeatleastalittlenicerafterIlookedafterhisson,right?Butnope,notthisone.
Heclosedhiseyesandsighed.“Ah.Right.YoucamewithJasonandOlive.”
“Bingo.Youwinthesmartestguyaward,”Ideadpanned.
“I’msorry,whenIsawyouhere,Ithought…”
“Don’ttellmeyouthoughtIwasstalkingyou.”Hestayedsilent,soIfrowned.Forcingmyselftosoftenmygaze,Ileanedforwardandwhispered,“Fuckyou,okay?”Hisgazehardened,andIleanedback.“You’rehotandall,I’llgiveyouthatmuch,butIdon’tlikeyouenoughtostalkyou.Now,ifyouwereHenryCavill…thatwouldchangethings.”
“GoodtoknowyougaveuponstalkingmeandmovedontoHenry.”
Andbacktothestart…“Whothehelldoyouthinkyouare?Iwasn’tstalkingyou,”Isaidthroughgrittedteethassomeonebumpedintome;AdamcaughtmebymyarmsbeforeIcouldlosemybalanceandtacklehim.Ifroze.Myhandsmighthavebeensplayedonhischest,butIwouldnotadmittocoppingafeel.
“Areyouokay?”heasked,dippinghisheadtolookatmyface.
WasIokay?Well,hesmellednice,sothatwasokay.Hischestwashardundermyhandstoo.
“Nothankstoyou,”Imumbled,lookinganywherebuthiseyes.
Exactlyatthatmoment,JasonandOlivedecidedtojoinus.“Hey,guys,”Jasonsaidaswebrokeapart.
“Hi,”Oliveadded,smilingbigatAdam.Jasonpulledherclosertohisside.
“Iwasn’texpectingtoseeyoutonight,”JasonsaidtoAdamasOlivegavemeaquestioninglook.Ilookedaway.Itwassuchabeautifulnight.
TheGiant—Adam’sbodyguard—appearedoutofnowhere.“Adam,she’sposing.You’llhavetocatchherbeforeshegoesin.”
AdamnoddedandlookedatJason.“Itwasalastminutedecision.Ifyou’llexcuseme,IhavetotalktoAdeline.”HesteppedawaythenlookedbackatOlivewithasmallsmileonhisface.“Youlookbeautiful,Olive,congratulationsonyoursuccess.”
Oliveblushed,andAdamleft.Irolledmyeyesandgrumbledundermybreath.“Suckup.”
“It’sasifI’mnottheleadactoratall,”Jasonsaid,lookingdownatOlive.“You’restealingallthespotlight,littleone.ShouldIbeworried?”Olivesmiledupathim,andJasonmust’vetakenthatasaninvite’causeheleaneddownandgentlykissedheronherlips.Ileanedbackalittleandsureenough,hishandwaspressedagainstthesmallofherback.Thedresswasasuccess.
WhenJason’spublicistcameoverwiththeprivatesecurityhiredbythestudiointow,thelovebirdshadtobreakapart.MegansweptJasonawaysohecoulddothelastfewinterviewswithhiscostarasOliveandIwaitedforhimonthesidelines.
“WhatdidAdamConnorwantfromyou?”OliveaskedassoonasJasonleft.
“Nothing,”IsaiddistractedlyasImovedmygazeovertothepaparazziandthemassoffanslinedupbehindtheredropes.“IthinkI’mreadytogoin,”Icontinued.“I’mstartingtogetanxiouswithallthesepeoplearound
“Don’teventrytochangethesubjectonmenow.Whatdoyoumeannothing?Whatwereyoutalkingabout?”
IglancedbackatOliveandnoticedthesecuritycomingtowardus.“HethoughtIwasstalkinghim,soIsaidfuckyou.That’sthegistofit.Happynow?”
“Whydon’tyoutryandbenicetohimsoyoutwocangetmarriedandbemyneighbor?”
Isnorted.“Please.I’ddiebeforeImarriedthatguy.”
“Mrs.Thorn,”theblondsecurityguysaidashestoppednexttous.Hedidn’tlookthatbadatall.Bulkyarms,awhitebutton-down,blackslacks,slightlynoticeablebulge…Ididn’tgoforblondsthatoften,butwhatbettertimetochangethingsaround,right?“Weneedyoutogetinside,please,”headded,holdinghishandtohisearpiece.Well,thatwasdefinitelysexy.
“What?Why?”Oliveaskedimmediately,hereyessearchingforJason.
“What’swrong?”Iaskedandtheguyturnedhisattentiontome.Itriedtogivehimmybestsmile.
“Ma’am,weneedtocleartheareasothe…”
Hewasstilltalking,butIcompletelytunedhimout.Ma’am?
Areyoufrickin’kiddingme?
Areyoufrickin’kiddingme?!
Olivepulledmebymyarmtowardtheentranceofthebuilding.“Didyouhearthat?”IaskedherinaloudvoiceasIkeptlookingovermyshoulder.“Hefreakingma’amedme!Didyouhearhim?Didyouhearwhathesaid?”
“Idid,”shereplied,laughingunderherbreath.
“Don’tlaugh!Thisisn’tfunny,Olive!Thisisallbecauseofhim,”Ihissed.“Hedidthis!”
“Whoareyoutalkingabout?Jameson?”
“What?”Ilookedatherandshookmyhead.“No.It’sAdamConnor.Heisbadluck.Wheneverheisaround,somethingbadhappens.Ihatehim.”
“Herewegoagain…”
***
Themoviewasamazing.IhadbeenthefirstonetoreadthebookwhenOlivefinishedhermanuscript,andsittinginamovietheaterwatchingitallcomealivewassomethingI’dneverforget.Whenitwasover,Istoodupandhuggedmybestfriend,andwecriedagain.Thenwelaughed.JasonkissedOliveonherforehead,andIcriedsomemore.Andthenwemadeittotheafterpartywheretherewasmusicandhotguysandmorecelebrities.Surelyoneofthemwouldhaveakillerdick,right?
Ididn’tevengettolookformykillerdick.
Soonafterwemadeittotheindustrialloftwheretheafterpartywasbeingheld,IgotatextmessagefromJameson.
Iwastooscaredtoreaditstraightaway.
EventhoughItriedmybesttoactlikehehadneverexistedaroundOlive,sometimeshewouldpopintomyheadoutofnowhereanddisruptmyday.Thiswasthefirsttimehe’dactuallycontactedmeafterhisdeparture.
Droppingmyphonebackintomypurse,IbrokeawayfromOliveandJason,leavingthemchattingwithagroupofpeople,andfoundmyselfadarkcornersoIcouldclosemyeyesandslowdownmyheartbeat.
Isn’tittheworstthingwhenyourexgetsintouchwithyouwhenyou’restartingtomoveonwithyourlife?Isn’titsoinconsiderateofthem?
Ileanedmybackagainstthebrickwallandimaginedmyselfonanemptyroad.Iignoredthemusicroaringtolifeandquietedmymind.Asunnyday,agentlewind.Abreathoffreshair.IforcedmyselftoimagineJamesonstandingattheendoftheroad.Istillhadfeelingsforhim.Justalittlemorethanamonthbefore,Ihadthoughthewasmine,thatIwasdifferentfrommyfamily.Thatmyendingwouldbedifferentthantheirs.AndI’dwantedthatformyself.I’dwantedthatformyselfbecauseJamesonhadshowedmeitwaspossible,thatitwasokaytowantthat.
Standinginthemiddleofthatimaginaryroad,IturnedmybacktoJamesonandtookonestepafteranother.Ilefthimbehind.
IopenedmyeyesandIwasbackattheafterparty.IwantedtofindOliveandhaveherreadthetext,butIthoughtbetterofit.Thiswashernight.Shewouldbeangryatmefornottellingher,butI’dmakeituptoher.
Itookamuchneededbreathandunlockedmyphone.
Jameson:Imissyou,Lucy.
Icould’veeasilysmashedthephoneonhisheadifheweresomewherereachable,butfortunatelyforhim,hewasn’t.Whothehellsends‘Imissyou’tosomeonethey’vedumped?Andwhythehellwouldtheywriteitanyway?Ifitwastotorture,thenmissionaccomplished.
Myhandshaking,Idroppedthephonebackintomypurseandwalkedtowardtheopenbar.
WhenIhadtwotequilashotsinme,IfoundOliveand,withJason’shelp,convincedhertogoonstagewithmesowecouldgetoutafewsongswiththebandthestudiohadhiredforthenight.Ittookalotofbegging,butassoonaswestartedoursignaturesong“Let’sMarvinGaye”,thesongJasonadmittedhadmadehimstartfallinginlovewithher,sherelaxedandmanagedtoforgetabouttheaudience,whichconsistedofalotofcelebritiesandotherindustrypeople.Asalways,wesangtoeachother,nottothem,andwedancedourselvessilly,havingthebesttime.Afteranothertequilashot,providedbyJasonThorn,Isweet-talkedOliveintosinging“Lovefool”byTheCardigans.Itwasn’tasurprisethatJasoncouldn’thelphimselfandkissedhersillyonstage.Again.
Itwasthebestinterruption.
AndIwasfinallyforgettingaboutJameson.Again.Kinda.
OliveandJasonbymyside,Italkedtoalotofpeople.Ismiled,laughed.EvenJamesoncouldn’truinsuchanimportantnight.
***
Afewhourslater—ormaybejustanhour—IfoundmyselfgettingpawedbysomeguyasIleftthebathroomaftersplashingsomewatertomyface.WasIdrunk?Maybealittle.IblinkedafewtimesandtriedtorememberwhereIwas.
Olive’safterparty.
Ihadlefttheirsidetousetherestroom.
Right.
“Hey,”Imumbled,tryingtopushhisshouldersback.
Themysteriousguylickedmyneck,andIshivered.
Shit.
Thatkindafeltnice
DidIknowhim?Hadheevengivenmehisnamebeforeassaultingmewithhistongue?Forthelifeofme,Icouldn’tremember.Ashewasbusylavishingattentiononmyneck,Isquintedandlookedaround—atleastasmuchasIcouldinthedark.Iwasbackedagainstahighwallinanarrowhallway,nexttotheunisexrestrooms.IrememberedchattingwithagroupofpeoplewithJasonandOlive,butIcouldn’trememberifthisguyhadbeeninthatgroup.Heworeadarkgraybutton-upandfromwhatIcouldtell,hewasbuiltlikeabrickhouse.
Hereallyknewwhathewasdoingwithhismouthtoo,butIwantedtoputafacetothattongue,soItriedtopushhimbackagain.“Umm,hi,”Irepeatedwhenpushingdidn’tworkoutquitethatwell.Insteadofansweringmeorevenacknowledgingme,theguy’shandstightenedaroundmywaist,andhepulledmetowardasmallalcove.
“Whoa,”Imumbled,myheadspinning.Hisbackhitsomethingwithathud,thenhespunmeandthistimeitwasmybackthathitthesteeldoor,knockingtheairoutofme.Iwinced,buthedidn’tseemtonotice.
“Hey!Easeoff,”Isaid,slurringonlyalittle.
“Shhh.I’llmakeitokay,”theguywhisperedintomyear,rubbingmyshoulders.Thensuddenlyhishandsstartedtravelingdownward,hishandssqueezingmyflesh.
“What…whatareyoudoing?”Iliftedmykneetoshovehimoff,butmydresshitmerightbelowmyknees,soitwasauselessattempt.Imightaswellhavebeenmovingunderwater.Iraisedmyvoice.“Isaidgetoffme!”
Suddenlytherewasahandgrippingmycheeksandpushingthebackofmyheadagainstthedoor.Iwashavingtroublebreathing.
“Isaidshhh,”hewhisperedintomyearandbitonmyearlobe.
Ifhewasn’thurtingmetothepointthatIwassurehisfingerswouldleavetheirmarkonmyface,itwould’vebeensexy.
Ormaybenot.
Buthewashurtingme,andI’dmadeitperfectlyclearIwasn’tintowhathewasdoing.
Oneofhishandsfoundtheedgeofmydressandstartedhikingitup.“Isaidstop,”IyelledasmuchasIcouldwithhisfingerspressingintomycheeks.Thelowbassofthemusicwasdrowningmyvoiceanyway.
Hebitonmyneckandhislipsfoundmine.
Isqueezedmyeyesshutandtriedtoturnmyfaceawayfromhisgrip.
“Iloveitwhengirlslikeyouplayhardtoget.I’malwaysupforachallenge.”
Oh,hellno.
Itriedtoslowdownmyheartbeatandjerkedmykneeup;sincehe’dliftedmydressup,itwaseasierthistimeandhitthebull’seye.Hegruntedandletgoofmyface,doublinginfrontofme,hishandscoveringhisuselessjewels.Ipushedmyhairoutofmyfaceandopenedandclosedmymouthtorelievetheache.
“Yousonofabitch,whatthehelldoyouthinkyou’redoing?”Ihissedathim.Whenhestraightenedup,Inoticedhelookedfamiliar,butIcouldn’tplacehim.HadIgivenhimpermissiontopawme?Icouldn’trememberdoingsomethinglikethat,definitelynotonsuchaspecialnightforOlive.Thatbeingsaid,Ididremembersomeharmless,playfulflirtingwithafewguys,butithadallbeeninfun.AfterJameson’stext,I’djustneededthatlittleself-esteemboost.Iwasn’tlookingtogetlaid.
Ihurriedlypulledmydressdownandglaredattheguy.Hisfacehadreddened,buthewassportingabiggrinonhisface.
Great…
“Look,”Isaidslowly.“I’msorryaboutyourballs.”Ihuffedabreathandcontinued.“Actually,Itakeitback.I’mnot.Youdeservedit.I’mjustgonnaleave,okay?”
Heliftedaneyebrowandkeptgrinningcreepily.Istartedscootingawayandliftedmyhands,palmsout.“I’mleaving.Noharmdone.”
Helickedhislowerlipandstalkedtowardme.Itriedtorunpasthim,buthewastoostrongformeandslammedmeagainstthedoor,yetagain.Thistimehekeptmeinplacewithhisshoulders.Withquickhands,hehadmydressalmostuptomywaistwhenIstartedscreaminginhisear.
It’sfrighteninghowfastyoucansoberup.
Andhowfastyoucanturnhomicidal.
Themusicwasreallyloud,butIwassuresomebodywouldhearme.
Isquirmed,kicked,andscreamed,buthestillmanagedtopushoneofhishandsupmydressandwassqueezingtheshitoutofmybreast.Iwasgoingtobruiseforsure.However,consideringwhatwashappening,abruiseortwowastheleastofmyworries.
“Fightme,”hesaid.“Makemeworkforit.”
That’swhenIstartedtopanic.
Hewascrazy.
Whenmyscreamsgottooloudforhim,hecuppedmymouthwithhishandandcontinuedhisassaultonmybody.Istillthoughthewouldstop.
Istillthoughtitwasanightmare.
Istillscreamedagainsthishand.
Whenhisfingersedgedclosertomyunderwear,Istilled.Completely.
Istoppedbreathing.
Myeyeswelledwithtears,andIswallowed.
Stupidstupidtears.
Oh,hewasdefinitelygoingtodieassoonas…
“Oh,youlikethat,don’tyou?”hewhisperedashisfingertipstraveledovermypanties.
Theworldstoppedspinning.
Hepulledhishandawayfrommymouth,andIscreamedbloodymurderwitheverythingIhadleftinme.
ChapterTenAdam
AftermyargumentwithAdeline,IheadedtowardthebackdoorofthevenuesoIcouldescapeandgohome.Ihadknowngoingtherewouldn’tchangeanything,butIhadstillneededtotalktoher.TakinghertocourtforfullcustodyofAidenwasthelastthingIwantedtodo,butAdeline…shewasforcingmyhand.ShehadnobusinessbeingAiden’smom
Thepaparazziwerelyinginwaitatthefrontofthevenue,soleavingthatwaywasoutofthequestion.ItwasalreadybadthattheyhadtakenshotsofmeandAdelineinaheatedconversation—Godknewhowtheywouldspinthoseshots—andthelastthingIwantedwasthemcapturingmestormingoutoftheplace.
Iheadedtowardthebackoftheloft,roundedthecorner,andfoundacouplegoingatitatthemouthofthehallway.Keepingmyheaddown,Iwalkedpastthem.Turningright,Ipushedopenthesteeldoorsandfeltthefreshaironmyface.RightasItookmyfirststepout,Iheardsomeonescream.
Myheadsnappedback,andIsawanothercoupleinacompromisingposition.Thewaytheguywastoweringoverthegirl,Icouldn’tseeanything,butIthoughtIsawsomething…
Iglancedoutside.MaybeIhadjustmisinterpretedthescream?Adelinewasn’tascreamerinbed;shebarelymovedunderme.MaybeI’dforgottenwhatapleasure-filledscreamsoundedlike?
Still,myfeettookmetowardthecouple,andthecloserIgottotheircozylittlehiddenspot,themoreIfeltlikeacreeperintrudingonsomething.
Isawaflashofanudefabric,similartotheoneLucyhadonwhenIhadlastseenherthenanothermuffledscreamandmystepsquickened.
“Hey,”IyelledsoIcouldbeheardoverthemusic,andtheguylookedatmeoverhisshoulder,givingmeaglassystare.Ifrownedandmygazestrayedtothegirltrappedbetweenhimandthedoor.
ThefirstthingInoticedwasthetears;thenIrealizeditwasLucywithherstormygrayeyes,thebluecompletelygone.Herfear-strickeneyeslifteduptomineandsomethingloosenedinsideme.
Callitareleaseofanger;itwastobeexpectedafterthenightI’dhad.
“AdamConnor,”theguysaidwithabigsmile.“Welcometoourprivatelittleparty.Caretojoininonthefun?”ItwasJakeCallum,anup-and-comingactor,adouchewhothoughthewastheshitjustbecauseoneofhismovieshaddoneokayattheboxoffices.
InoticedLucytryingtopushhimoffandmyscowldeepened.
Pryinghimoffherbygrippingthebackofhisshirt,Islammedhimagainstthewall.
“Easy,dude.”Helaughed,liftinghishandsupbetweenus.“Ihaveacontract.Takeiteasy.”
IlookeddownathispantsandsighedinreliefwhenIsawhewasallbuttonedup,butthenInoticedLucytryingtowipeoffhertearsatthesametimeshewaspullingdownherskirtandmyangercamebacktenfold.
“Caretotellmewhatwasgoingonhere?”Iasked,gettinginhisfaceandpushingathim.
Jakeshruggedwithasmirk.“Justhavingagoodtimewiththelady,dude.Relax.”HiseyesslidtoLucy,andItightenedmyhandonhisshirttogethisattention.
“Don’tlookather!Iaskedyou—”
Ididn’thavetimetofinishmysentencebecausethelittlepaininmyasswhowasdressedaseveryguy’swetdreamwaspushingonmetomoveaway.Ilookeddownatherovermyshoulder.WhenIdidn’tbudge,herfrowndeepened,andshegaveitanothertry.“Whatthehellareyoudoing?”Iasked,glaringather.
Shequittryingtopushmeaway.“Getoutofmyway,”shegrowled.
“I’mtryingtohelpyou,forfuck’ssake!”Ibitout.
“Isaid,”shegrowled.“Get.Out.Of.My.Way.”
Well,Ithought,she’salreadyprovenshe’salunatic,somaybeImisunderstoodthesituation?Maybetheywereinthemiddleofalover’squarrel?ApparentlyIknewnothinganymore.
IletgoofJakeandtookastepback.“Mymistakethen.Excusemeforinterrupting.”Lucy’seyesnarrowedonme,butassoonasIwasoutofherway,herfocuswasonJake.Myeyesdroppedtoherchest,justmomentarily,andIsawhowsharpherbreathingwas.
Inoddedather,rakedmyhandthroughmyhair,andreluctantlytookastepbackassheleanedtowardJakeandcrookedherfingerathimasifshewasabouttowhispersomethinginhisear.Whydidthatsimplemovemakemeevenangrier?IwasabouttoturnaroundandleavewhenoutofnowhereherlittlefistflewintheairandlandedsquarelyonJake’snose.Cuppinghisnose,hegroanedinpain.
“Youbitch!”
Withoutanypause,Lucykneedhimintheballs.
Iwinced.Ouch.
ShewasabouttogetinanotherpunchwhenIcaughtherhandbeforeitcouldland.
“Whooaa,easythere.”
Itwasastupidmoveonmypart.NevergetinthewayofLucyMeyer.Ever.Shesteppedonmyfoot.
Withherheel.
Veryhard.
“Jesus,woman!”Iyelled,momentarilydroppingherarm.
“Youlittlepieceofshit!”shescreamedatJakebeforelandinganotherpunchonhisshoulder.
“Youcrazybitch,”Jakehissedback,lettinggoofhisnosesohecouldcaptureherwrist.Lucystoppedwithhertirade,andhestartedtwistingherhand.Atalossforwords,IwrappedmyhandaroundJake’sthroatasItriedtokeepLucyawaywiththeother.
“Dropit,”IsaidtohimascalmlyasIcouldmanage.WhathadIgottenmyselfinto?
Jake’seyeshardened,andhetwistedherwristfarther,causinghertogaspandtwistherbodytolessenthepain.Itightenedmyhandaroundhisthroatandpushedhisheadbackintothewalluntilhisfacestartedtoturnredandhewashavingtroublebreathing.“Iwon’trepeatit,Callum.Lethergo!”
Heshovedherhandawayandasecondlater,Lucywasonhimagain,screamingobscenities,cursinghimalltohell.IletJakegoandturnedmybacktohimashekeptcoughing.
“Stopit,”IsaidtoLucyandgotalightpunchonmyshoulderforallmytroubles.
Jesus.
Didthewomanlistentome?Ofcoursenot.Idoubtedsheeverlistenedtoanyone.
“I’mgonnakillhim,”shekeptyellingwhiletryingtohitJakebyreachingaroundme.
IglancedattheendofthehalltoseeifIcouldspotJason,buttherewasnoonenearus,noteventhecouplewhohadbeeninakissingfrenzyjustafewminutesbefore.
HereyeswerefocusedonJake.“Whodoyouthinkyouare!”shescreamedagain,pushingandpullingatmetogettohim.“Youlittlebastard!Howdareyou!”
“Youeithergetheroutofmyfaceorwe’regonnahaveaproblemhere,Connor,”Jakecroakedfrombehindme,hisvoicefuckedup.MaybeI’dsqueezedalittleharderthannecessary—notthatIfeltsorryfortheguy.
“Shutthefuckup,”IgrowledathimandfinallycaughtLucy’sflailingarms.
“Letmego,Connor,”shescreamedandliftedherfootagain.Shemust’vebeenexhaustedbecauseshewasstartingtomovemuchslower,andIknewhergame,soImanagedtomovemyfootawaybeforeshecouldfindhertarget.ItwistedherbodyasgentlyasIcouldandheldherbackagainstmychest,trappingherarms.
Hownobodyhadheardthewholemess,Ihadnoidea.
Ibracedmychinonhershoulderandwhisperedtoher,“Calmdown,Lucy.Calmdown.”Shesmelledofpinkrosesandasubtlehintofcitrus,softandsharpatthesametime.Ishookmyheadtoclearmymind.
Afteraslighthesitation,shestartedsquirmingagainstme.“Don’ttellmetocalmdown,goddammit!I’mgonnakillhim.Letgoofme.”
“No.Ineedyoutocalmdownforme,Lucy.Canyoudothat?Please,sweetheart.Calmdownandtellmewhat’sgoingonhere.”
Herchestfallingandrisingrapidly,shecurledherhandsaroundmyarm.Iwasexpectinghertotrysomethingonme,orsimplypushmeaway,butshesurprisedmebyjustholdingontome.“Itoldyou…”shesaidslowly“…nottocallmesweetheart.”
“Ifyoupromisetocalmdown,I’llnevercallyousweetheartagain.Willthatmakeyouhappy?”
Shetookadeepbreathwithdifficultyandnodded.Herhandswerestillgrippingmyarms,butIdidn’tthinkshe’dappreciatemepointingthatout.
Jakechosethatmomenttoslitherawayfromthewallandwalkawayfromus.Hefacedusandkeptwalkingbackward.WhenheshotLucyaquicksaluteandgrin…Lucywentrigidinmyarmsforasecondthenletoutafrustratedscreamandtriedtogoafterhim.
Isighedandliftedherlegsofftheground.“That’sit.We’releaving.”CarryingakickingandscreamingLucy,Iwalkedoutside.
ThemomentIlethergo,shetriedtorunpastmeandbackinsideagain.Icutheroffbeforeshecouldmanagethat.
“Whywouldyoudothat?”shescreamed,herchestheaving.Apparentlyitwastimetoattackmeagain.
“Isaveyouandthat’showyousaythankyou?”Iasked,blockingthedoorsoshewouldn’ttrysomething.
Asecurityguardcamerunningtowardus.“Iseverythingokayhere?”
Lucyturnedhermurderouseyeontheguyandgrowled,“Yes!”
Theguyignoredherandturnedtome.“Everythinggood,Mr.Connor?”
Shesteppedinfrontofhimandwavedherhands.“Hello?Whyareyouevenaskinghim?MaybeI’mtheonehavingaproblemwithhim?”
IgnoringLucyyetagain,hewaitedforananswer.Irubbedmyneckandnodded.WhatwasIevensupposedtosay?Assoonasheleft,Lucywhirledonme.
Iraisedmyhandtostopherbeforeshecouldstartalloveragain.“Shutit.”Iwassecondsawayfromgettinginherfaceandyellingrightbackather,butImadethemistakeofnoticinghershakyhandsandallthefightIhadleftinmedrainedaway.
“Look.”Iclosedmyeyesandtriedtofindtherightwordstosaytoher.“Look,itseemslikeneitheroneofusishavingthebestnighthere.I’mjusttryingtomakesureyou’reallright,nothingmore.ThenI’mleaving,andyoucangokillwhoeveryouwantto,okay?”Itookadeepbreathtogivehersometime.“Ifyoudon’twantmyhelp,that’sfine.Justcalmdownalittlesowecanbothgoonourway.”
Surprisingly,shenoddedandturnedherbacktome.Iwon’tlie,itwastemptingtowaitafewmoreminutesinsilenceandthenjustleavewhenshewasfeelingmorelikeherself,butwhenshehuggedherelbowstohidethefactthatherbodywasstartingtoshakeuncontrollably,IknewIcouldn’tleaveherthere.
Shit!
Ithoughtaboutputtingmyhandsonhershouldersand…consolingher?Warmingherup?Justsomethingtoeaseher,butIdidn’tthinkshe’dappreciatethat,soinsteadIfacedherandtiltedherchinupwithmyfingertips.
“Lucy?”
SheopenedhereyesandwhatIsawbrokemyheart:asingletearthatfollowedanalmoststraightlinedowntoherchin.Instinctively,Iwipeditaway.Ididn’tknowshitaboutthiswoman,aboutwhoshereallywasinside,butfromwhatI’dseensofar,Iknewsomethingwasseriouslywrong.
“I’mnotcrying,”sheannounced.
“Ofcoursenot,”Isaidsoftly.
“I’mnot.”Shewipedathercheekswiththebackofherhandandlookedupatme.“Thesearejustangrytears.”
“Ofcourse,”Irepeated.“Iwouldn’texpectanythingelsefromsomeonelikeyou.”
Herfaceflushedandherposturestiffenedevenmore.“Andwhatisthatsupposedtomean?Someonelikeme?”
Ofcourseshe’dtwistmywords.Howelsecouldshemanagetostartanotherfight?IfIdidn’tknowanybetter,I’dsayshefedonmakingmemiserable.
Ishookmyhead.“I’mnotdoingthiswithyou.Goodnightandhavefun,Lucy.”Iturnedaroundtoleave,butsheputherhandonmyarmandstoppedme
“Justwaitaminute.What—”
“Imeantsomeoneasstubborn,strong,andwillfulasyou,Lucy,”Iexplained,cuttingheroff.“I’mnotlookingtostartafightwithyou.Nottonight.”
Shetookherhandoffmyarm.“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“Wellthen,I’msorry.”
“Howunexpectedofyou.Wasthattheveryfirsttimethosewordshaveeverleftyourmouth?”
“Don’tpushit.”
Mygazedroppedtomyarm,specificallytoherhandthatwaskeepingmefrommoving.“I’dliketoleavenow,ifthat’sokaywithyou?”
Shefollowedmygazethenseemedsurprisedtofindherhandonme.Takingafewstepsback,shesaid,“Ofcourse.Ididn’tmeantotouchyou.Hopefullyyouwon’tcalltheauthoritiesonme.”
Thewayshesaidit…God,sheinfuriatedme.
“LikeIsaid,haveaniceevening,Lucy.”
Iwalkedawayfromher.Iwalkedawayanditdidn’tfeelright.
Youmustreallybeitchingforafight,Adam,Ithoughttomyselfasmystepssloweddown.AsifthefirstroundwithAdelinehadn’tbeenenough,Iwasgoingtospendsomemoretimewiththiscrazyone.Inacar.WhereIcouldn’tescape.
WhenIlookedback,LucywasexactlywhereI’dlefther.Herfacewastilteduptothesky,hereyesclosed.Moonlightlookedgoodonher.Herfeatureslookedsoft,herslightlypinklipsinviting.Myfeettookmebacktoher.
“Doyouwantmetogoinandgetyourfriends?”
Sheopenedoneeyeandgavemeadefiantlook.“No.”
Itiltedmyheadandwaitedforanexplanationthatnevercame.
“Okaythen.Wouldyou—”
“Youcanleave,I’mfine.”
“Wouldyouliketoleavewithme?”
Bothofhereyesopened,andsheseemedtoconsidermyofferforamoment.“Yes,”shesaidfinally.“Yes,please.”
“WouldyoulikemetodropyouoffatJason’splaceorsomewhereelse?”
“Jason’s.Ifitwon’tbetoomuchtroubleforyou,I’dappreciatethat.”Thefightseemedtohaveleftherandhershouldersdroppedalittle.Iwantedtoputmyarmsaroundher…closemyeyes,putmyarmsaroundher,andjustbreathe.
Ishookmyhead.“Youwantmetowaitwhileyouletyourfriendsknowyou’releaving?”
“Idon’twanttobotherthem.I’lltextOliveontheway.”
“Mycaristhisway,”Isaid,motioningtotherowofcarswithmyhead.Shefollowedmewithoutaword.
Imanagedtoavoidthepaparazzibytakingthelongwaybackhome.Ashotofastrangewomaninmycarwould’vegiventhemtoomuchammunition.
Thecarridewasunexpectedlysilent.IkeptglancingatLucy,butshekeptherfocusontheroad.Inoticedherrubbingthebackofherhandonherdress,soIreachedoutandgrabbedittohavealook.
“Hey,”sheprotested,tryingtopullherhandfrommygrasp.“Whatareyoudoing?”
“Keepstillforasecond.”Herknuckleswereallred.“Youneedtoputiceonthis.”Westoppedataredlight.Unconsciously,Iranmythumboverthebruisedpart.“Wheredidyoulearntohitlikethat?”
Shegrunted.“Itwasn’tagoodhit.Ididn’tevenbreakhisnose.”
“Oh,sothat’swhatyouwereaimingfor.”
“Well,yeah.Whyelsewouldyouhitsomeone?Iwantedtoseesomeblood.”
Ontopofeverythingelse,shewasbloodthirstytoo.Strangely,itsuitedher.
Iletgoofherhandandforcedmyselftoputitbackonthewheel.“Areyoureadytotellmewhatwasgoingoninthere?”Iasked.“ThingsgotoutofhandwithJake?”
“Jake?HisnameisJake?Youknowhim?”
“JakeCallum.”Ifrownedandglancedatherasthelightturnedgreen.“Youdon’tknowhim?”
“Ohyeah,IlethimforcehistonguedownmythroatbecausehewasJakeCallum.DiditlooklikeIknewhimtoyou?”Sheangrilysmootheddownherdressandthenmumbledtoherself,“IknewIrecognizedhimfromsomewhere.”
“HowshouldIknowwhetheryoucaretoaskforanamebeforeyoustartmakingoutwithaguy?”
Herheadsnappedtome,andIfelthereyesboringintothesideofmyface
Isighed.“I’msorry,thatwaswrongofmetosay.”Heranswerhadangeredme;itshouldn’thave.
“Apologynotaccepted.”Shelookedbackattheroadagain.Thestreetswereempty.
Afterafewmomentsofsilence,shespokeup,“Notthatyouneedtoknow,butforyourinformation,Idon’tevenremembertalkingtotheguy.WhenIgotoutoftherestroomhewasjustthereandonme.”
Ipulledmyfootfromthegas.“Whatareyousaying?”
“Youhavetroublehearing?”
Ipulledthecartothesideandturnedtofaceher.“Whatdoyoumeanhewasonyou?”
“Ifyou’renotgonnagetmehome,Icanfindmyownway.”Beforeshecouldeventouchthehandle,Ilockedthedoors.
“Areyousayingheforcedhimselfonyou?”Isaidthroughgrittedteeth.
Herfacewasflushedwithangerwhenshelookedatme.“Whatdidyouthinkwasgoingon?”
Iprocessedthatforasecond,thennoddedather.
“Canwegonow?”
“No,”Isaidshortly.Aftercheckingthemirrors,ImadeaquickUturn.
“Whoa!”shegasped,holdingontothewindowandherseat.“Whereareyougoing?”
Ididn’tanswer.
“Adam?”
Wewouldbebackattheloftintenminutes.
Sheraisedhervoice.“Adam!”
Igaveheraquicklook.“We’regoingbacktofindCallum.”
“No,we’renot,”sheargued,herbrowsdrawingtogether.
Iignoredher.
“Hey.”Shehitmyarm,tryingtogetmyattention.“Ialreadykickedhisass,whatelsecouldyoupossiblydo?Orwhat?Areyougoingbacktheretothankhimforputtingmeinmyplace?JustwhenIthinkIcan’tpossiblyhateyoumorethanIalreadydo—”
IhitthebrakessohardLucyflewforward,slammingherhandonthedashboardtocatchherself.
“Putyourfuckingseatbelton,”Isnappedather.
“Areyoufuckingcrazy?”ShelookedatmelikeIwastheonewhohadlosthismind,buttheyellingworked,andsheobedientlydidwhatIaskedwithoutanotherpeep.ThankGodtherewerenocarsbehindus.
“Ifyouevertellmeanythinglikethatagain,I’llmakeyousorry,Lucy.Iwon’tevencarethatyoudon’tknowanythingaboutme.”
“Whatareyougonnado?Spankmyass?”
“Don’tgoandgivemeanyideasnow.”
Hereyebrowsrose,andsheopenedandclosedhermouthafewtimes.
“Whatdidyouthinkwashappeningthere?”sheaskedinacalmervoicewhenIstarteddrivingagain.
Iclenchedmyjaw.“Ithoughtyouwantedhimtoslowdown.Ididn’tthinkhewasfull-ontryingtorapeyou,forfuck’ssake!”
WiththespeedIwasgoing,I’dbebackattheloftinjustafewminutes.ThenIcouldsmashthebastard’sheadin.IfI’drealizedwhathewasdoingtoher,theextentofit,Iwouldn’thaveheldherback.
IbarelyheardLucymumblingnexttome.“Okay.Okay.Adam,Ineedyoutotakemehomenow.”
“No.”
“Adam?”Somethinghadchangedinhervoice,soIgaveheraquickglance.
Shehadpaledandwaslookingatmewiththosebiggrayeyes.
Fuck.
Fuck!
“Iwanttogohomenow,”sherepeated,keepinghereyesonme.“Please.”
Isloweddownandpulledovercarefully.
“Please,”sherepeatedagain.
Ilookedattheroadthenbackather.“We’realmostthere,Lucy.”
“You’renothearingme.EithertakemehomeorunlockthedoorssoIcanfindmyownway.”
Igaveheralonglook,studiedeverylittleexpressiononherface.Thewayherlipswerepressingtogether,thewayshewastryingherhardestnottoblinktoomanytimes.Thatlittleveinthatpoppeduponthesideofherforeheadwhenshewasangry,frustrated,oranxious.Ididn’tlikethefactthatIknewaboutthatvein.
Ishouldn’thavenoticedit.
Ishould’veignoredit.
Asourwillsbattled,sheliftedherchineversoslightlyandorderedmetounlockthedoors.
WhenIdidn’t,shestartedpushingallthebuttons,tryingtofindtherightone.
“Okay.Fine.”Ireachedforherhandandtouchedher,curlingmyhandoverhercoldone.Whenshedidn’tpunchme,Iplaceditbackonherthigh.“We’regoinghome.I’lltakeyouhome.”
Therestoftheridewas…long.Longandquietandpainful.Thecitywassurprisinglyquietthatnight.Istillkeptmyhandonhers,hopingshe’dwarmsoonenoughandstopshaking.Thefactthatshedidn’tpushmeaway…
IstoppedthecarinfrontofJason’sgateandhesitatedbeforeIunlockedthedoors.
Lucywaitedwithherhandonthehandle,readytoflee.
“IsthereanythingIcando?”Iaskedintotheheavysilence.
“I’dliketogetoutnow.”
Icouldunderstandthat.Iunlockedthedoorsandwatchedhershimmydownfromthecar.Beforesheshutthedoor,shemumbledathankyouandwalkedaway
Howcouldanightoutgosowrong?
Iwaitedforhertogetinside.Justtomakesure,Itoldmyself,nothingmore.Insteadofenteringthecodeforthegate,shehikedherdressupalittleandsatherassdownatthecurb.
WhatIshould’vedonewaslookawayandgohome.She’dcallherfriend,getthecode,andgowaitinthebackyardordowhateverthehellshewantedtodo.ShehadbeennothingbuttroublesincethedayI’dfoundherdrippingwetinmybackyard.Shewasthelastthingmylifeneeded.Quiteawareofallthat,Iturnedtheengineofftogoandjoinheronthecurb.
Neitheroneofusspokeforafewminutesaswesatnexttoeachother.Itwasachillynight,barelyanycloudsinthedarksky.
“Let’sgohomeandputsomeiceonthathand,”Isaid,tiredly.
Shesoundedequallytired,ifnotmore,whenshesaid,“Idon’thaveahome.”
“Tonightyoudo.”
***
Iwokeuptothesoundoflaughterringingthroughthehouse.Awoman’slaughterandakid’s—mykid’s,tobemorespecific.ButAidenwassupposedtobewithAdeline;itwasherweekend.Hadshebroughthimback?Frowning,Igotuptofindoutwhatwasgoingon.
ThenightbeforehadendedabruptlyafterI’dhelpedLucyiceherhand.OnesecondIwasholdingherfragilehandinmypalm,gettingusedtoitsweightinmyhandaswestoodalmostnosetonose,andthenextshewasscramblingawayfromme.Themomentshecould,she’dfledtoherroom.KnowingtherewasnothingmoreIcoulddo,I’dgonetobed,too,butIcouldn’tfallsleep.ApartfromworryingaboutwhatIwasgoingtodoaboutAdeline,I’dworriedaboutLucytoobecauseshe’dmanagedtoworkherwayintomylifesomehow.
Gettingoutofbed,Ihadspentsometimeinthekitchen,thinkingmaybeshe’djoinme.I’dseenthelightcomingfromunderherdoor,soIknewshewashavingtroublesleepingtoo.
Shehadn’tcomeout,soafterawhileI’dgonebacktobed,andIthoughtitwasforthebest.
ImadeittothelivingroomandspottedDanwatchingLucyandAidenwithafleetingsmileonhisface.
AidenandLucy?Theywerelaughinguncontrollably,completelyoblivioustotheirsurroundings.
Theydidn’tevennoticemewalkinguptoDan.“What’sgoingonhere?”Iasked.
Hislipsquirkedupevenmoreandtohideithetookasipfromthecoffeecuphehadinhishand.“Theyarepracticingtheirlaughter.LucythoughtAiden’sneededalittlemorekick.”
“Isthatso?”
“Yup.”Hegavemeaquickglance.“Hewasfeelingsorryforhimself,soshesaidshewasn’tfeelingallthatgreateitherandthoughtitwastheperfecttimetopracticehowtolaughbetter.”
Ismiled.ThatsoundedexactlylikesomethingLucywoulddo.
“Andwhat’sAidendoinghere?”
“Thelittlebuggertrickedme.”
Ididn’thavetimetoaskhowhe’dbeentrickedbecauseAidenfinallynoticedmeandjumpedoffthecouch,runningtowardme.
“Daddy!”
“Gotyou,”Igrunted,liftinghimupinmyarms.
“Imissedyoulikecrazy.Youmissedmetoo?”heaskedintomyneck,histhinarmsholdingontight.Ihuggedhimeventighteranddroppedakissonhishead.
“Imissedyoutoo,littleman.Whatareyoudoinghere?”
Hisheadcameoutofmyneck,andheheldmyfacebetweenhishands.
“Checkingonthings.Youhaven’tshaved?”
Ilaughed.“Whatthingsareyoucheckingonexactly?”
“You.”
“Me?”
“Idon’tlikeyoubeingallalonehere.IthinkaboutitsomuchthatsometimesIcan’tsleepatnight.Iknowyoumissme,soIcametocheckonthings.SinceIworryaboutyousomuch,maybeIshouldn’tleaveyoualonehere?”
“Ithoughtyousaidyouforgottotakeyourfavoritebookwithyouandthatwaswhywecamehere,littleguy,”Dansaid,grabbingAiden’sattention.
AshewasweavingmoretalestoDan,IglancedatLucy,whowasoffthecouchandwatchingusquietly.Itriedtofigureouthermood,butshewasgoodatnotgivingawaytoomuch.Shestillhadasmileonherface,butotherthanthat,Icouldn’tevenbegintoguesswhatshewasthinking.
“AndthenIsaidtomyself,DanisprotectingDaddy,sohe’dwanttocheckthingsouttoo.”Aidenwasstilltalking.
“Oh,sothat’swhatyousaidtoyourself.”
“Uh-huh.Iknewyouwouldn’tsayitbecauseyou’reabigguyandbigguysdon’tworry,soIsaiditforyou.AndnowthatLucyliveshere,wehavetoprotectthemboth.”HeputhishandonmycheekagainandturnedmyfacesoI’dlookathim.“Youwantedtoseemetoo,right?TellDanIdidgood.”
“Youdidn’tdogood,Aiden,”Icorrectedhim,tryingtokeepastraightface.“Youcan’tlietohaveyourownway.”
“ButIdidn’tlie.Icametocheckonthings!”
Dan’sphonepingedwithanewmessage.
“Okay,littleliar,yourmomtexted.Grabyourthings,weneedtogo.”
“But,Dan,weneedto—”
“Youdon’tneedtodoanything,buddy,”Isaid,interruptinghim.“Youdon’twanttoworryyourmom,doyou?”
Hisfacefell.“No,but—”
“Nobuts,Aiden.Youcan’tlietoDan,okay?”
“AmIinbigtrouble,Daddy?”Heavertedhiseyesandhishandstartedtodrawshapesonmyskin,anewnervoushabithe’dpickedup.
“Notthistime.”
Heliftedhiseyesandsmiledabrilliant,widesmile.“You’rehappyIcametocheckonthings,aren’tyou?Youaren’tangrywithme.”
Ismiledbackathim.“I’malwayshappytoseeyou,buddy.”
HelookedbackatLucyoverhisshoulderthenbackatmeagain.“Lucysaidshewashappytoseemetoo.”
IshotheraquickglancethenslowlyloweredAidendown.
“Itlookedlikeshewasveryhappytoseeyou.”
Henodded.“Ithinkshelikesme.”
Eventhoughhewastryingtobeverycarefulandtalkquietly,IknewLucycouldheareverythinghewassaying.Icouldseehersmileslowlywiden,anditmademehappytoseeshecouldstillsmileafterthedaybefore.ItmademehappythatAidenwastheretomakeherlaugh.IonlywishedIcould’vewokenupearliertoseemoreofthat.
“Iagree,”Isaid.“Ithinkshelikesyouverymuch.”
“Canyouprotectherforme?Sheisn’tfeelingwell,andIwanthertobesafe.”
MyeyesshotbacktoLucy.HadshetoldAidensomething?
“Ofcourse,”IrepliedtoAidenroughly.Hewasgrowingup,worryingaboutothers.ThenIlookedatLucysoshecouldseeImeantthewords.“Iwanthersafe,too.”
Isawherrollhereyesandknewshe’dbeokay.
Turnedout,Aidenreallyhadforgottentotakehisfavoritebookwithhim,soafterheranofftogetitfromhisroom,heleftwithDan,leavingmealonewithLucy.
Iheadedtowardthekitchentobrewsomecoffee,andshefollowedme.Iknewshehadsomethingtosay.
“Icanprotectmyself,youknow.Youdidn’thavetopromiseyoursonyou’dprotectme.”
“Ofcourseyoucan.Ijustthoughtitwouldbeeasiertogivehimmywordthantoexplainthatyouwouldn’twantmyhelpbecauseyouhateme.”
“Yes,Ihateyou.”Shenoddedasifshewasconvincingherself.Hereyesroamedmychestandthenshelookedaway.Shewasstandingontheothersideofthekitchenisland,tappingthemarblewithherfingers.
Iaddedwatertothecoffeemachine,pressedthestartbutton,andcalmlywaitedforhertosaywhateverwaseatingather.
“Youshouldwearashirt,”shesaidfinally.
Idecidedtoteasehertomakehersmile.Shehadlaughedwithmyson,soitwasonlyfairifshegavemesomesmilestoo.“What?”Iaskedher,peeringdownatmyself.“Youdon’tlikemenakedfromthisclose?Everyoneofthosephotosinyourphonewasofmenakedandzoomedin.”
“Thatwasthen.Now”—shegavemeanotherlook,andIcaughtherswallow—“notthatattractive,Iguess.”
“Ah,right.NotafterIsentyoutoprison,right?”
Shesquintedatme.“Areyoumakingfunofme?”
“Ofcoursenot.Iwouldn’tdare.”
Satisfied,shenodded.“Good.Bescaredofme.That’ssmartofyou.”
Inoddedandroundedthekitchenislandtostandinfrontofher.Shefollowedmewithhereyes.
“Whatareyoudoing?”
“Iassumethereissomethingyouwanttotellme,soI’mgettingclosersoIcanhearyoubetter.”
“Andyoucouldn’thearmefromtherebecause…?”
“BecauseIwantyoutoknowthatI’mtakingyouveryseriously.”
“Gotakemeseriouslyfromoverthere,buddy.”
Sheputahandonmychesttostopmefrommovingclosertoher.Istoppedandlookeddownathersmallhandthatwasplantedonmychest.Ilikedhowshefeltonme,herskinonmine.Shelookeddownatittooandseemedsurprisedbyit.Ididn’teventrytohidemysmile.
“AndIwantedtothankyou,”Iexplained.Whenshelookedconfused,Icontinued.“FormakingAidenlaughlikethat.AsI’msureyou’vealreadynoticed,he’shavingahardtimewiththedivorce.”Iplacedmyhandoverhers,whichmadeherfrowndeepen.“Sothankyou.”
Shepulledherhandawayandrubbeditonherthigh.“Well,someonehastomakehimlaugh.Sinceyou’renotdoingthejob…”Sheshrugged,andIlaughed.
“Thankyouforthattoo.”
“You’rewelcome.Nowgoputonashirt.”Shewavedatmewithherhand.“Ishouldn’thavetolookatyournaked…bare…unclothed…muscularchest.You’reruiningmyview.”
Itiltedmyheadtothesidealittletocapturehereyes.“It’smyhome.You’refreetolookaway,Lucy,”Isuggestedsoftly.Whenshemetmygaze,hereyeslitup.
Sheputherhandontheislandandslightlyleanedforward.“Areweplayingagame,AdamConnor?BecauseIlovegames.”
Iraisedaneyebrow,butotherwisestayedsilent.
“Oh,poorAdam.”Shemadeasadfaceandmylipstwitched.“Youdon’tknowmeatall,doyou?”Shetookastepforwardandplacedherhandonmychestagain,makingabigshowoutofit.
Littleminx.
WhenIdidn’tobject,shestartedmovingafingerdownward,hertouchaslightasafeather.
Oureyesstayedlocked.
Thistime,Itookasteptowardher,raisingthestakes.Iwantedtoseewhereshewasgoingwiththeact.
“Doesitfeelgood?”
Shefrownedatmyquestionandherhandhaltedonmyabs.
“Doesitfeelexactlylikeyouimagineditorbetter?Toosoft?”Iflexedmymusclesandleanedclosertoher.“Toohard?”
Shecurledherfingersandlightlygrazedmyskinwithhernails.Icouldn’tbesureifitwasinvoluntaryorifshewasstillplaying,butwiththewayherchestwasrisingandfallingrapidly…IcouldseeIwasaffectingher.
Sheblinked.Twice.Otherthanthat,herexpressiondidn’twaver.Thenshelickedherbottomlipandgentlydraggedherfingertipsupanddownmystomach,tracingmymuscles,stoppingwhenshereachedthebandofmysweatpants.
Idroppedmyeyestoherhand,justforthebriefestsecond,andmissedthemomentshedecidedtoriseuponhertoestowhisperinmyear.Ikeptmyheaddownandwaitedtohearwhatshewouldsay.
“You’reright,”shewhispered,alittletooclosetomyeartobeaccidental.Oh,shewasgood.Notquiteasgoodanactorasme,butshewasholdingherown.“Ididspendsometimebymyself,imagininghowyou’dfeelundermyhands.”Sherestedherpalmonmychest,andIclosedmyeyessoIcouldfocusonhervoice,focusonhowgoodshesoundedwhenshewasn’tyellingatme.“Betweenmylegs.”Mylipsquirkedup,mydickpulsingwithneed.IlikedthisLucymuchbetter.
“Doyouthink…”Shepaused.“CanItouchyou?”Anothershortpause.“Toseeifit’shard?Andbig…”
Iopenedmyeyes.IfshethoughtI’dcallherbluff,shewasquitemistaken.
Sheleanedback,heatedeyesmeetingmine.Igrabbedherhandandlowereditforher,makingsureherpalmstayedflatagainstmyskinallthewaydown.
Whenourconnectedhandsreachedmysweatpants,Istopped.
ShewaitedtoseewhatIwoulddowithaneagerlookonherface.Shethoughtshehadme.
Thinkagain,mylittlestalker
Iwalkedintoherandforcedherbackagainsttheisland.Shewasn’texpectingthat,soshehadnochoicebuttofollowmymovement.Idroppedherhandandplacedmyarmsonthecounter,trappingherin.Shecouldescapeifshewantedto,ourbodiesweren’ttouching,butshedidn’tlookasconfidentasshehadjustsecondsbeforeeither.
Iloweredmyhead,rippedapagefromherbook,andwhisperedintoherear,“It’sbig,Lucy.Andhard.”Igentlytouchedherskinwiththetipofmynoseandinhaledherfreshscent.Shewasallsoft,nothingsharpabouther.“Touchme.”
WhileIwaitedforhernextmove,Ifelttheurgetotouchherchest,toslowherfranticheartbeatdown,totakeit…andmaybetastethatinvitingpulseonherneck.
Aprettypinkflushtookoverherskin,andIsmiledtomyself.Granted,Iwasn’tsureifshe’dgoaheadanddiveintomysweatpants,butevenifshewasbrazenenough,she’dfindexactlywhatI’dsaidshewouldfind.
Amomentpassed.Thenanother.
Ileanedbackandmethereyes.Shewaspissed.Icouldseeitinhereyes.Shewasplanningamurderinhermind.Abloodyone.IrememberedwhyIfounditsosexywhenshewasallfiredup.
Tryingherbesttolooknonchalant,sheshruggedhertenseshoulders.“Idoubtit’sanythingthatbig,soI’llkeepmyillusions,thankyouverymuch.”
Ididn’tsayanything,andshedidn’tlookaway.
Thecoffeemachinepinged,breakingthethicksilence.
“Andnowyou’llneverknow,”Isaid,backingaway.Ipouredmyselfacupofcoffeeandwatchedheroutofthecornerofmyeye.Shewasstillplasteredtotheisland.“Coffee?”
Sheturnedtolookatme.“What?”
Iraisedmyeyebrow,barelyholdingbackmysmile.“Wouldyoulikesomecoffee?”Irepeated,liftingmymug.
“No.”Hereyesdroppedtomychestforasecondthensheshookherhead.“Iwantedtotellyousomething.”
“Beforethisgoesanyfurther,Ishouldtellyousomething.”
Wesaidatthesametime.
Shehuffed.“Youfirst.Nothingisgoinganywhere,bytheway.”
Shecouldbelievethatasmuchasshewanted.
“ThosefirstfewdaysyoulookedafterAidenafterschool?”
“Yes.Whataboutit?”
“TherewasalisteningdeviceinhistoysoDancouldlistentowhatwasgoingon.”
Sheseemedtoprocessitforawhile.Hereyesslightlynarrowing.
“Because…”
“Becauseyouwereastranger.Youdidn’texpectmetodonothing,didyou?AsmuchasI’dtrustJasonlookingafterhim,allIknewaboutyouwasthatyouenjoyclimbingwallstowatchotherpeople.”Itookasipfrommycoffee,keepingmyeyesonhers.“Danenjoyedhimselfimmenselyduringthesingingparts.”
Hereyesseemedtonarrowfurther.“Youknowwhat.Ishouldbepissed.Hell,I’mpissed,butIgetwhereyou’recomingfrom.IguessIwoulddothesamethingifIwereinyourshoes.You’renottheworstdadafterall.So,thereyougo.Youcanstopfeelingguiltyabouthowwrongyouwereaboutme.”
“Ididn’tsayIwasfeelingguilty.Ijustwantedyoutoknow.”
“NowIknow.”
WestaredateachothersomemorethenLucywasthefirstonetolookaway.
“Yourturn.I’mlistening.”
“Nowyoucanhearmefromallthewayoverthere?”
“Wouldyoulikemetocomecloser?BecauseIcan.”
Hereyessparkled.“No.”
“Ididn’tthinkso.”
“Youknowwhat?Forgetaboutit.”Shestormedoutofthekitchen.
Iputmymugdownandcaughtuptoherasshesteppedoutintothebackyard
MytonewasgentlewhenIasked,“Whatisit,Lucy?”
Ididn’tthinkshewouldstoporevenanswer,butshedidboth.
“Iwanttopresscharges.”
Istilled.Shewantedtopresschargesagainstme?
“Youknow,forassault.Iknownothingwillcomeoutofitandhe’lljustshrugitoff,orthecopswillthinkI’mjustoneofhisgroupiesorsomething,butatleast—”Herforeheadfurrowed.“Whyareyoulookingatmelikethat?”
“He?”Imanagedtoask.
“JakeCallum.”Herexpressionhardened.“Don’ttellmeheisyourfriendandyoudon’twantmetogotothecops.”
Howcouldsheeventhinkthat?
“DiditlooklikeIwashisfriendwhenIwrappedmyhandaroundhisthroat?”Igrowledather.
“Ididn’tthinkso,but…youneverknow.”
“I’mnothisfriend,Lucy.Andyes,presscharges.I’myourwitness.”
Shepushedherhandsintoherpocketsandlookedatmyface,notquiteintomyeyes.
“You’ddothat?”
Iwantedtogotoher,embraceher,butIstoppedmyself.“OfcourseIwoulddothat,”Irepliedgruffly.“Infact,I’mgoingtocallDan,andyou’llgodowntothestationwithhim.Iftheywantmetomakeastatementtoo…”Icheckedmywatch.“Ihavetobeonsetintwohours,butI’lldropbybeforeIcomehome.It’sourlastdayofshooting,otherwiseI’dcomewithyou,but—”
“That’sokay,”sheinterruptedme.“Iwasn’taskingyoutocomewithme,andIdon’tneedyourbodyguardeither,but…butthankyou.AndIknowtheywon’tdoanythingaboutit,nothinghappenedafteralland…andmaybeI’dhadtoomuchtodrink.They’llthinkI’mlying.”Shebouncedonhertoesandlookedawayfrommygaze.“Ijustwantthemtohavesomethingonfileorwhatever.Incasehereallydoessomethingtosomeoneelse.Sothey’llseeit’snothisfirsttry.”
Atthatmoment,withthosewords,Ifellforheralittle.
“And,”shestarted,herhandgingerlytouchingherbreast.“Hekindagavemeabruise,somaybethat’llhelp.”
Iwassurprisedathowharditwasformetoactuallystayinplaceandnotgotohersidetomakesureshewasokay.
“Heleftabruise?”Iasked,ormorelikegrowled.Mywordswerebarelyaudible.
Sheshruggedlikeitwasn’tabigdeal,herexpressionclosingup.“I’mfine.”Shelookedoverhershoulder,towardJason’splace.
“Didyoutellthem?”Iasked,almostcertainshehadn’t.
“Notyet.”Sheliftedherchin,standingstrong.“Andyouwon’teither.”
“OnlyifyoutakeDanwithyou.Believeme,he’llhelp.”
“They’lltakememoreseriously,youmean.”
Ididn’treply,butshealreadyknewtheansweranyway.
Sheseemedtothinkaboutitforaminutethenletoutalongsigh,avertinghereyesfrommine.“Fine.”
TheNewPost-DivorceAdamConnor
Ifyouhaven’tbeenlivingunderarock,youmust’vealreadyseenthepicturesofJakeCallumwithabroken,bloodynosemakingtheroundsallovertheInternet.Now,don’tgetuswrong,eventhoughheisnewintheindustry,wewelcomedhimwithopenarmsandpromptlyfellinlovewithhischarmingsmile.Evenso,wehavetoadmit,abrokennoseisnotagoodlookforthenewactor.Granted,hewasn’tawarehewasbeingphotographedastheshotsshowhimspeedingawayfromthestudiolotwherehewassupposedtostartfilmingthisweek,butstill…
Nowlet’sgettothejuicystuff.Atthetimethecandidshotshadgoneviral,nooneknewhowhehappenedtosportabrokennose,butafteralittlediggin’wefoundoutthatthenewactorhadaviolentaltercationwithnoneotherthanthenewlydivorcedAdamConnor.
Unfortunately,atthismomentwehavenoideahoworwhythefightstartedbetweentheactorsinthefirstplace.WhatwedoknowisthatAdamConnorisfilmingthelastscenesofhismovieatthesamelotasJakeCallum.
Tosaythatweareshockedwouldbeanunderstatementatthispoint.AdamConnorgrewupinfrontofthecameras,andasfarasweknowhasneverbeeninvolvedinanaltercationlikethisbefore.Ifithadhappened,trustus,we’dknow.
AneyewitnessthathappenedtobenearJake’strailerclaimedAdamwasalreadylividwhenheapproachedtheactor.“Therewasn’tevenenoughtimeforthefighttoaccelerate.Jakewasjustcomingbackfromatableread,andAdamstoppedhimbeforehecouldgointohistrailer.Icouldn’theartheirexchange,butassoonasAdamwascloseenough,hethrewthefirstpunch,whichmust’vebrokenJake’snose.ThenextthingIknew,AdamhadJakeupagainstthetrailerdoor.Aftertheyexchangedheatedwords,Adamlethimgoandjustleft.Itwastheweirdestthing.”
TherumoroutthereisthatAdam’sex-wife,Adeline,washavingaflingwithJake,andAdamsnappedwhenheheardaboutit.YoushouldalsoknowthatAdamwasphotographedhavingaheatedconversationwithAdelineatthepremiereofSoulAchejustthedaybefore.Whilethissoundsbelievableanditwouldn’tbethefirsttimeithadeverhappened,we’renotsosurethatwasthecasehere.Firstofall,eversincethedivorce,AdamhasstayedawayfromeverythinginvolvingAdeline.Nopressconferences,nointerviews,nophotoops.Plus,therewererumorscirculatingaboutAdelineandherinvolvementwiththecelebritytrainerMikeTrevor,andAdam’sonlycommenthasbeen“Iwishherthebest.”Now,doesthatsoundlikesomeonewhoispiningafterhisex-wifetoyou?Forallweknow,heisquitehappyaboutthedivorce.
No,wethinksomethingelsewasgoingonwiththesehothunks,andwe’lltryourbesttofindoutmoreforyou.
ChapterElevenLucy
AsIexpected,thecopscouldn’tdomuchaboutmylittlealtercationwithJakeCallum.Truthbetold,Iwenttherealreadyknowingthat,but,hell,Iwasn’texpectingthemtosuggestthatmaybeI’dhadtoomuchtodrinkandwasn’trememberingeverythingthathadhappened.
You’dknowifyougavesomesleazeballwhothoughthewasthekingoftheworldpermissiontoputhistongueinyourmouthafteryouhadn’tkissedsomeoneforweeks,wouldn’tyou?Accordingtothem,Iwouldn’t.
Asifthatwasn’tenough,theysaidsometimes“partieslikethat”couldgetoutofhand.
ThatwaswhenDantheMansteppedforwardandtookover.Intheend,theypromisedthey’dfollowupandwouldtalktoAdamandJake,butcouldn’tmakeanypromisesthatsomethingwouldcomeoutofit.
Whileitwasn’tthebestoutcome,atleastthey’dhaveapolicereportonJakeCallumandifheevercrossedthatlinewithsomeoneelse—thoughIhopedhewouldn’t—theycouldcomebacktothepolicereportandknowitwasn’thisfirstrodeo.
Andyouknowwhat?DantheManwasn’ttheworsthumanbeingafterall.Heevenlaughedatmyjokesafewtimes,andbylaughImeanhislipstwitchedandheshookhishead.Inmybook,thatcountedasalaugh.
“Whatareyouthinking?”Oliveasked,bringingmeoutofmythoughts.
“Nothingimportant.”Iswirledmywineglassandwatchedtheredliquidspinaround.“I’mnotsureifI’mahugefanofwine.”
Shelookedatmeoverherlaptop.“Thatisyoursecondglass;youareahugefanofit.”
ItwasaFridaynight,andwewereworkingonOlive’snextnovel,plottingandtakingnotes.Itwasaglamorousnightforus.Itremindedmeofoldtimes,likeoursecondyearincollege,thefirsttimeshehadsentmeachapterandhadmebeggingforthenextone.
“That’sitthough.Ihadtwo,butI’mnotconvincedyet.Imean,it’sclassy,butisitme?Andsureit’sgivingmeabuzz,butthetaste?Notsureaboutthateither.Idon’tthinkI’mfeelingallthatgreat.”
“Thenstopdrinking.”
“ThenwhatwillIdo?Ithinkwe’reoutofbeer.Didyouwritedownthenextscene?Letmeseeit.”
“Notyet.Letmereaditagainandseeifit’sanygood.Ifyouwantbeer,whydon’tyouaskourneighbor?”sheaddedcasually.“Maybehe’llgiveittoyou.”
“Oh,thethingsyourneighborcouldgiveme,”Imumbledtomyself,myeyesstillfollowingthewine.
Olivesatupstraighterbutkeptherfacehiddenbehindthescreen.“What?”Asifshecouldtrickmebyactingallmellow.
“Catherinecalledagain,”Imentionedcasually,ignoringherquestion.
WhenIdidn’tcontinueonaboutAdam,sheslumpedbackinherseat.“Whatdidshewantthistime?”shemumbled.
“Ididn’tanswer.”Ishrugged,sniffingmyglassandthentakinganothersip.“ShewasprobablycallingtoaskwhyIskippedthejobinterviewshesograciouslysetupforme.”
“Youshould’veansweredandtoldheryouweremyagentnow.”Shegotup,putthelaptoponthecoffeetable,andheadedforthekitchen.“I’mgettingwater,youwant?”
“Notowater,andI’myourtemporaryagent,”Icorrectedher.“I’mstilllookingforajob,butI’mnotgonnatakeanythingelsefromher.”Ireachedoutforthelaptop.“AndI’mreadingthescene.”
“No,”sheshouted,slammingthefridgedoorclosed.“I’mnotdoneyet!”
Idrewmyhandbackandlookedatherovermyshoulder.“Doyouknowhowlongit’sbeensinceI’vereadanythingyouwrote?I’mhavingwithdrawalshere.Haveaheart.”
Shecamebackwithawaterbottleinherhand.“Thenewoneisalmostready.AssoonasJasmineisdonereadingit,I’llsendittoyou.”
Slowly,Iuncurledmylegsfromundermeandleanedforwardtoputmywineglassonthecoaster.Clearingmythroat,Iasked,“Excuseme?Canyourepeatthattomeagain?Jasmine?WhothehellisJasmineandwhythehellisshereadingitbeforeme?”
Afterdrinkinghalfofherbottledwater,shegavemeasmuglook.“Sheismybetareader—ormaybeIshouldcallhermyalpha.”
Islidforwardinmyseatandgaveallmyattentiontoher.“Sheisyourwhat?”
“Youknow,betareader,thelovelypersonwhoreadsthebookafterit’sdoneandpointsoutthingsyoushouldfix,orleavesencouragingnotes.Idolovemyencouragingnotes.”
Wasshefuckingwithme?
“Isthisajoke?”Shegavemeaquestioninglook.“Iknowwhatabetareaderis,Olive.Iwasyouroneandonlybetareader,rememberthosedays?Howcouldyoubetraymelikethis?”
“Iguessyoudoknowwhatitis,”shesaidasifitmeantnothingtoher.
Itwastheworstbetrayalinmybook.Howcouldsheletsomeoneelsereaditbeforeme?
“I’mspeechless.I’vebeenwaitingtoreaditfortwomonths.Howdareyou?”
“Doyoualsoknowwhatabestfriendis?Sisterfromanothermister?”
Inarrowedmyeyesather.“Icouldaskyouthesamequestionrightnow,mylittlegreenOlive.”
“Itdoesn’tfeelallthatgreat,doesit?”sheasked,givingmeaside-glance.“Iassumeitwouldn’t,becauseitsuckswhenyoudon’ttellmestuff.”
Ihuffedandleanedbackagainstthecouch.Sothatwaswhatthiswasabout.HowhadthesneakylittleOlivemanagedtoturnthesubjectbacktomeagain?Shepickedupthelaptopandcontinuedwithherlittlespeech.
“First,IhearaboutthebreakupaweeklaterwhenIcandonothingaboutit.”
“Andwhatexactlywereyouplanningtodoifyouknewaboutitearlier?Cryyoureyesout?”Iasked,butsheignoredme.
“Andthensomestupidentitledjerksonofabitchattacksyou—”
“Hedidn’tattackme,Olive.Let’snotblowitoutofproportion.”
“Andyoutellmeaboutitthenextday.Afteryougotothecops.Cops,Lucy!Andhedidattackyou.Idon’tcarewhatthosecopssay,heassaultedyou.”Shestartedsqueezingthebottleinherhand,soIcarefullyreachedoutandtookitfromhermurderousgrip.
“Let’sjustsayhewasoverlyeager,andIdidpunchhimafterall,soonecouldsayIattackedhimbackanditwasallgood.TheonlyreasonIdidn’ttellyouaboutitassoonasithappenedwasbecauseIwantedyoutohavethebestnight.Youwerehavingfun.You’vebeenwaitingforsolongforthatmovie;Ididn’twanttomessthatup.”
Sheraisedabrowandgavemeahardlook.“ItwasallgoodonlybecauseAdamtookcareofit.”
Apartyfullofpeopleandhehadtobetheonetosaveme,hadn’the?Myfreakingluck.NotthatIwasn’tgratefulhehappenedtobethere,butcouldn’tithavebeensomeoneelse?
ThekillerdickIwaswaitingtofind,maybe?
“Tookcareofit?”Ibalkedather.“Whosesideareyouonanyway?Hesentmetoprison,forGod’ssake,theleasthecoulddowashelpmekickCallum’sass.AndIcantakecareofmyself,thankyouverymuch.”
“Andnooneshouldhelpyou,right?”
“Ididn’tsaythat.”
“Youdidn’tneedto.”
Itriedtostandup,butOlivegrabbedmyhandandroughlypulledmebackdown.“Jesus!”Iexclaimed,halfmortifiedandhalfamused.“Iwasjustgoingtothekitchentogetridofthebottle.Alittlefeistytonight,aren’tyou?”
Shegavemeherdon’ttrymesignaturelook,andIclosedmymouth.Maybeshewasright…justalittlebit.I’dgrownupexpectingnothingfromCatherine,notlove,notkindness,notrespect,justawholelotofnothing.Evenmyownmotherhaddecidedtomoveonwithherlifewithoutme,soI’dlearnedtotakecareofmyselfandnotexpectanythingfromothers.
“IaskedyouifIcouldcomeandlivewithyouguysforawhile,didn’tI?Thatshouldcountasaskingforhelp.”
Olivewasmyexception;Isometimesdidn’tmindaskingforherhelp.
“Itdoescount.”Shenoddedandsnatchedthebottlefrommyhandtoputitonthecoffeetable.“Butit’snotenough.Andbecauseit’snot,you’regonnaanswermyquestionsrightnow.AfterthatI’llsendyouthebook.”
Thatgotmyattention.“Soyoulied?Youdidn’tsendittosomeoneelsebeforeme?”WasitsolamethatIwashopeful?
“No,IdidsendittoJasmine,thismorning,andIwasplanningonsendingittoyoutonight,afterweplottedthenextone.”
Irolledmyeyes.“Fine.AslongasthisJasminechickknowsI’mthealphabetareaderorwhatevertheheckitiscalled,I’mokaywithherreadingittoo.”
“Thankyouforthepermission,”shesaidsarcastically.
Igaveherabigsmile.“You’rewelcome,mygreenOlive.”Sheshookherhead,butIsawthesmalltwitchofherlips.“Shouldwehug?Icouldusethesoftnessofyourboobies,”Iasked,alreadyleaningtowardher.
“No,youdon’tdeserveahug,notyet.”
“Ouch.”
“Let’sstartwithJameson.”
Igroanedandleanedbackagain.“Whataboutthatjackass?”
“Didyoutexthimback?No,wait.Idon’ttrustyouanymore.Givemeyourphone,I’mgonnacheck.”
“Youshouldstartwritingagain,stat,”Isaid,butstillroseuptogogetmyphoneforher.“You’restartingtoactallweird.”
“No,I’mactinglikeagoodfriend.”Shetookthephonefrommyhandsandthoroughlycheckedmyrecentmessagesandcalls.
“Happynow?”Iasked,holdingmyhandopen.
Sheslappedthephoneintomypalmandnodded.“Iam.Don’ttexthim.Hecangotohell.”
“Mysentimentsexactly.Okay,nextquestion.”
Shetwistedherbodyandfacedme.“TellmeaboutAdamConnor.Areyousleepingwithhim?”
Alaughescapedmylips.“What?Idon’tevenliketheguy.Whatareyoutalkingabout?”
“YoustayedathisplaceaftertheincidentwithJake.”
“And?”Iwaitedtoheartherestofit,butshedidn’tsayanythingmore,justwaitedformyanswer.“Incaseyoumisseditthefirsttime,orthehundredthtimeIsaidit,I’llrepeat:Idon’tevenliketheguy.Hewasthere,soIaskedhimforaride,orheofferedone,Idon’tevenremember.AndthensinceyouguyswerestillatthepartyandIdidn’thaveakey,heinvitedmetostayathisplace.It’snotlikeIhaven’tstayedtherebefore.”
“ButthistimearoundAidenwasn’tthere,washe?”
“Yeah,so,whatdoesthathavetodowithanything?”
“Fine.”Shesighed.“Bedifficultaboutthis.”
“I’mnotbeingdifficult.I’mtellingyou,heputsomeiceonmyhand,andIwenttobed.”
“Aha!Heicedyourhand?Nowwe’regettingsomewhere.”Shehuggedapillowtoherchestandwaitedtohearmoredetails.Unfortunately,Ihadnone.
Istartedtotellherexactlythat,butherphonestartedringingandinterruptedus.SheheldupherfingerandorderedmetostayputasshetalkedtoJason.
OfcourseIgotupandwalkedtowardtheslidingdoors.Itwasalittleovereightyoutsideandtheweatherwasbeautiful.
“Ihaven’tstartedyet.Didyouwantsomethingspecific?Waitasecond,I’llaskher,”Olivesaidintoherphoneandturnedtome.
“JasonisgoingtohaveAlvingrabsomeChinese.Whatdoyouwant?”
IlovedChinese,butatthatmoment,Icouldn’tevenstomachthethoughtofit.ApparentlyIwasn’tawinegirlorIwasstillfeelingoff.ShefrownedatmethenkepttalkingtoJason.Whenshewasoffthephone,shewasonmeagain.
“Wherewerewe?”
“Nowhere,becausethereisnothingmoretotell.”
“Youlikehim.”
“Idon’tlikehim.”
“Youlikehimlikehim.”
“DoesitchangethefactthatIdon’tlikehimwhenyousayittwice?”
“Youlikehimmorethanyouwanttosleepwithhim.”
“Please,”Ihuffed,offended.“I’dhappilyfuckhisbrainsout,butIdon’tevenlikehimthatmuch.EverytimehetalksIwanttosmackhimupsidehishead.”Actually,Iwould’vefuckedhimanyhourofanyday.Ifyouheardthatsweet,thick,deepvoiceofhis,you’djumpinhisbedtoo,oronanyflatsurfacereally;Icouldgoatitwithhimanywhere.
Forgetaboutthevoice;ifhecouldjustshutupandstandthere,you’dstilljumpinhisbed,begginghimtotakeyou.Besides,itwasn’tmyfaultthatIhadwomanparts;therewasnothingIcoulddoaboutthat.Hispeniswouldfitperfectlyintomyvagina,andIhadcomesoclosetotouchingit.Cometothinkofit,Ishouldhave,evenifitwasjusttoseewhathisreactionwouldbe.ToobadI’dchickenedoutbecauseIwasafraidofwhathe’ddonext.
Longstoryshort,AdamConnorwasstillabastardinmybook,buthewasahotDILF.Butsleepwithhim?Nah,hewastootempting,especiallywhenhewasaroundAiden.WhenIwatchedhiminteractwithhisson,thewayhesmiledathimorsimplycarriedhimtobedtotuckhimin…boy,diditmademepurrandmeltfasterthansnow.Worstofitall,itmademybatteredheartskipabeat,whichIdidnotlikeatall.
Oliveclosedhereyesandsighedahappysigh.“Icanalreadypictureyoutwotogether.You’rekissing.Passionately.It’saquickonebecauseAidenisthere.Butyouarehappy.Likecrazy.AndyouloveAidenjustasmuchasyouloveAdam.Adamdefinitelynoticesthatandlovesyouallthemoreforit.”
“Okay,crazylady,”Isaid,snappingmyfingerstowakeherupfromherdream.“I’llleaveyouwithyourdreamsandslowlybackaway.”AndIdidexactlythat;Iopenedtheslidingdoorsandwalkedout,onlytohaveOlivefollowme.
“Comebackhere,I’mnotfinished.”
Iheadedtowardtheladder.
“Whereareyougoing?Lucy,youcan’trunawayfromyourdreams.”
Ifacedher,butkeptbackingaway.“Mydreams?Thosewereallyours.Ineverdreamedabouttheguy.DreamingabouthimfuckingmesixwaystoSunday?Sure,IadmitIdiddreamaboutthat,butallofitwasbeforeImethim.”Mybackhittheinfamousbush,andIturnedaroundsoIcouldclimbupthewall.“Andforyourinformation,I’mgoingovertosayhitoAiden.”
Oliveleanedagainstthetreeandsmiledatme,showingmeherfullsetofteeth.“Keeptellingyourselfthat,littleLucy.”
Istraddledthewallandlookeddownather.“You’veofficiallylostyourmind.Gowritedownafewwordssoyourbraincanstarttofunctionagain.”
“Lucy,closeyoureyesandimagineyourselfsittingnexttoawaterfall.AwaterfallwhereAdamConnorappearsoutofnowhere.Naked.Orhalf-naked.You’reacalmlittle—”
Iflippedherthebirdandclimbeddowntherestoftheway.
Shameonherformakingfunofmyrelaxingtactics.
“ShouldIwaitupforyou,orareyouplanningonspendingthenightinAdam’sbed?Becauseifyoudo,youknowyou’regonnahavetogivemedetails.IwanttheanswerstoeverythingyouaskedmeaboutJason.Thesize.Thesizeisimportant.MeasurethepenissoIcanpictureeverythinginmymind.”
“YoukeepcallingitapenisandIwon’ttellyouathing.Bye,Olive!”
ItwasagoodthingAdamhadn’tthoughtofmovingtheladderawayyet.Untilhedid,I’dfeelokaywithinvadinghisprivacy.Itwasn’tlikeIwasgoingtovisithimoranything.I’djustmissedthelittleguyandwashopingtocatchhimbeforehisbedtime.
WhenIgotcloseenoughtothehouse,Icouldhearmusic.Thedoorsseemedtobeclosed,butthesoundwasleakingoutside.Richpeopleandtheirsurroundsound…
IstoppedmovingsoIcouldlistenandafewsecondslaterIrecognizedtheunmistakablesoundofFrankSinatra’svoice.
Huh,somyjerkhadtaste.Well,notmyjerkofcourse,butyouknowwhatImean.
IstoodonthesidewhereIcouldn’tbeseenandspottedAdamnearthebarcart.HadAidenalreadygonetobed?Ithoughtaboutknockingonthewindowtogethisattentionbeforehegothismanlypantiesinatwistandaccusedmeofinvadinghisprivacyagain,butitwashardtotakemyeyesawayfromhim.Hewassodamnhandsome,thekindofhandsomethatmadeyoustartpantinglikeadogwhenyoulookedathimformorethanafewseconds.
SoIsilentlywatchedhimpourhimselfadrinkandreadthroughthepapershehadinhishands.Helookedoccupied—notinanI’mreadingsomedocumentskindofway,butanIhaveamillionthingsonmymindkindofway.
Iwonderedwhatwasmakinghimlooksomiserable.
Truthbetold,sincehe’daskedmetolookafterAidenforafewdays,Iwasseeinghiminadifferentlight.Sure,Ihatedhim.
Alittle.
Kindof.
Stronglydislikedhim.
ForthewayhetreatedmethatdayandbecauseIstillwantedtojumphisbonesafterwhathedidforme.Butotherthanthat,myheartmeltedalittlebiteverytimeIsawhim—whenhewasn’tbeingabastardthatis,likehe’dbeentheotherday.
Whogivespeoplepermissiontotouchtheirjunk?Ifyouaskedme,I’dsayitwasagreatideabecausehimtalkingintomyearlikethat…andgivingmepermissiontotouchhim?Silly,sillyboy.Heknewnothingaboutmeatall.IfI’dtouchedhim,Iwould’veendedupfuckinghisbrainsoutandforreasonsevenunknowntome,Ididn’twantthat
Now,don’tbealllike,but,Lucy,howcouldyouhatesuchafinespecimenofthemaleform…ThebiggestreasonIhadtokeephatinghimwasbecauseofthewayI’dfeltwhenhehadtouchedmetheothernight,whenhewantedtoputiceonmyhand.I’dfeltthoseannoyingbutterfliesinmystomachthatOlivehadalwayssaidshe’dfeltwhenshefirstsawJason,anditscaredthecrapoutofme.WhileI’dfeltdifferentkindsofbutterfliesinmyladypartswhenIwasgoingafterJameson,thesehadtakenflightinmystomachandtheyweredeadlytome,likeanallergythatcouldkillmeunexpectedly.
Afterwatchinghimforafewmoreminutes,Isteppedforwardandknockedontheglass.Hisheadcameupfromthepapersinhishand,andhespottedme.Heseemedtohesitatebeforehegotupfromthecouchandcametoopentheglassdoors.
“Hi,”Isaidwhenhewasstandinginfrontofmewithoutabarrier.
HeturneddownthevolumeofFrankSinatrawiththehelpofasmallremotecontrolbeforehesaid,“Iseeyouarecreepingaroundinmybackyardagain.”Hehadasmallsmileonhislips,soIdidn’tthinkhemindedhavingmecreepingaround.
“Ifyoudon’twantmecreepingaround,asyousorudelyputit,youshouldmovetheladderaway.”
“HowcanIhelpyou,Lucy?”
“I’mgood,thankyousomuch.Andhowareyoudoingtonight?”
Hesighedandinvitedmeinwithasweepofhishand.
“Howniceofyoutoinvitemein,”IcommentedasIsteppedinsideandheclosedthedoor.
“IsthereanythingIcandoforyou,ordidyoujustcomeovertogetinyourdailyamountof—”
Icuthimoffbeforehecouldfinishhissentence.“Beforeyousayanythingyou’llhavetoapologizeforlater,I’llletyouknowIcametosayhitoAiden.Imissedhimthisweek.”
AdamlookedatmeforalongmomentasifhewastryingtofigureoutifIwaslyingtohimornot.Whenhewassatisfiedwithwhateverhesawinmyeyes,heranahandthroughhishairandmotionedformetositdown.
Wonderingwhatwasgoingon,Ididasheaskedandsatmyassdown.
“So?”Iaskedwhenhedidn’tsayanythingforseverallongseconds.
“Adelinedidn’tdrophimoff,soIsentDanovertoseewhatwaswrong.”Hecheckedhiswatch.“Heshouldbeheresoon.You’rewelcometowaitifyouwant.”
Idrewmylegsupandgotcomfortableinmyseat.“You’renotgoingtokickmeout?”
“Aidenasksmeaboutyouoneveryphonecall.Iassumehe’llbehappytoseeyouhereandthatwayI’llbesavedfromallthequestionshe’daskifhedidn’tseeyouimmediately.”
Thatmademesmile.“Helovesme.”
Adamsmiledback.“Weird,isn’tit?”
Ifrownedathim.“You’reweird.Ilovethelittleguytoo.Heiswaycoolerthanhisdadcouldeverbe.”
Sportingasmallsmile,heshookhisheadandheadedforthebarcart.I’dneverseenhimdrinkbeforethatnight
“Somethingonyourmind?”Iasked,justtomakeconversationuntilAidengotthere.
“Toomuch.”
IgruntedandreachedformyphonewhenIfeltitvibrateinmypocket.
Jameson:Iwishyou’dcomewithme.
Youdidn’tevenaskme,youlittleshit!
Itwasn’tthefirsttimeI’dheardfromJamesonsinceI’dgottenhisImissyoutextatthepremiere.He’dbeentextingrandomthingstheentireweek.Idrewalongbreathanduncurledmylegsfromunderme.
“IthinkIshouldgo,”Imumbled,standingup.
Adamturnedaroundwithtwodrinksinhishands,whiskeyfromthelooksofit.
“What’swrongwithyou?”Heignoredmywordsandhandedmethealcohol.Eventheheavysmellmademenauseous.Iscrunchedupmynoseandshookmyhead.
“No,thankyou.I’mnotfeelingsogreat,so…I’lljustseehimsomeothertime.”Iputmyphonebackinmypocketandplacedthewhiskeyonacoaster.Hiseyeswerestillonme.
“Sit,”heorderedashesatdownonthefarcornerofthecouch.“He’llbeheresoonenough.”
Ilookedoutsideandweighedmyoptions:sitdownandwaitforAidenorgobacktoOlivesoshecouldquestionmemoreaboutmynonexistentfeelingsforAdam.
Spendingsomemoretimewiththeenemyitwas.
“What’swrongwithyou?”heaskedforthesecondtimejustbeforehetookasipofhiswhiskey.
Isatdownandhadtroublelookingawayfromhisclear,alluringeyes.
“Nothingspecific,justfeelingoff.”
“How’syourhand?”
Ilifteditupandcheckedmyknuckles.Therewasstillarednessandtheywerekindofsore.Itwasagoodkindofsore,though;knowingIhadhurtthedouchebag,Ididn’tmindthereminder.Andthatremindedme…
“Ishouldaskyouthesamequestion.”Idroppedmyhandandmotionedtohiswithmychin.“WhatwentdownwithyouandJake?Didhereallyhavesomethinggoingonwithyourex?”
Heliftedaneyebrow,butotherwisestayedsilent.
I’dbeencuriousaboutiteversinceI’dreadthestoryonline.Waswhattheyweresayingtrue,orhadhepunchedhimbecauseofwhathadhappenedthenightbefore?AccordingtoOlive,hehadgoneafterJakeforme,butIhadmydoubts.Olivewasaromanticatheart,andshewantedmetofallinloveagain;ofcourseshe’dthinklikethat.
Feelingallhotandflusteredunderhisscrutinizinggaze,Isnappedathim.“What’swrongwithyou?”
“Whatdoyoumean?”Heputhisdrinkdown.
“Whyareyoulookingatmelikethat?”
Thatannoyingeyebrowwentupagain.“Likewhat?”
“Youknowwhat,nevermind.”Ilookedawayfromhimanddidmybesttoignorehimforthenextfiveminutesorsountilhegotuptogethimselfanotherdrink.
IwasthinkingaboutJamesonwhenawaterbottleappearedinfrontofmyface.
“Thankyou,”Isaidsincerelyandtookitfromhishand.
“You’rewelcome.Youlooksubdued,maybeyoushouldseeadoctor,”hesuggestedashesatdownclosertowhereIwassitting.
“I’mfine.”
“Suityourself.”
Iuncappedthebottleandtookabiggulpofcoldwater.ThenIclosedmyeyesandimaginedmyselfsomeplaceelse…maybeinthewoods,oratalakehousewheretreesandcalmwaterssurroundedme.Icouldsitonthedeck,closetothewater,andreadOlive’snewbook.Ismiledtomyself.Icouldfallinlovewithasmanymenaspossibleandthecursecouldn’teventouchme.Therewassomethingspecialaboutfallinginlovewithfictionalcharactersthroughwords.Onthatdeck,withthebirdsflutteringaroundandthewindmovingmyhair,I’dbehappy.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Adamaskedquietly.
Ididn’topenmyeyeswhenIanswered,“Dreaming.”
Alongmomentpassedbeforehespokeagain.“Whereareyou?”
“Lakehouse.ReadingOlive’snewbook.Thereisasoftwind.Ilikewind;itmakesmehappyforsomereason.Feelingthatsofttouchonmyskin,inmyhair.Thesunispeekingthroughthetrees,soit’snotcold.Thewaterlooksbeautiful.Calmandpeaceful.”
“Isthereanemptychairbesideyou?”
“You’dannoyme,sono.”Iopenedmyeyesandlookedathim.“Nohardfeelings.”
HesmiledandreachedforthepapershehadputdownwhenIcamein.“Nohardfeelings,Lucy.”
Feelingalittlebetter,Ilookedaroundathishomeandsighed.ItwasgettingclosertoAiden’sbedtime.
“Doyoudothatalot?”Adamasked,hiseyesonthepapersinhishand.
“DoIdowhatalot?”
“Gosomeplaceelse.”
Ishrugged.“You’rewelcometothinkI’mcrazy.”
“Ididn’tsaythat.Actually…”Hestoppedtalking,threwthepapersonthecoffeetable,andrubbedthebridgeofhisnose.
Curious,Iasked,“Actually…?Actuallywhat?Don’tbeoneofthosepeople,finishyoursentence.”
Heshuthiseyesandleanedhisheadback.“AttheriskofsoundinglikeaHollywoodbrat…IusedtolieinmybedandimagineIhadasimplerlife.Insteadofbeingdraggedaroundtopartieswheredrugsandboozewerelyingaroundonglasstables,whereIhadtolookafterVicky,mysister,soshedidn’taccidentlyplaywithwhitepowdersthinkingitwasmakeuporflour,soshedidn’treachforoneofthosewineglassesthinkingitwasherjuice…Iusedtowishfornormalparents.IwishedIcouldhavefriendsoverwithoutworryingabouthowmyparentswouldactdependingontheirmoods.Don’tgivemethatlook,”hewarnedwhenheopenedhiseyesandfoundmelookingathim.
Iranmyhandsupanddownmyarmsandkeptsilent.
“Iknowwhatyou’rethinking,”hecontinued,misunderstandingmylook.“Theygavemeagoodlife.Agoodeducation.OpportunitiesImaybewouldn’thavehadiftheyweren’tmyparents.I’mnotsayingmylifewasmiserableoranything,butbackthenIwantedtobeanormalteenager.Withnormalparents.Justanormallife,youknow,withoutthepaparazzi,withoutthebullshitofHollywood.”Hiseyeshardenedandheadded,“Youmightthinkyouknoweverythingaboutsomeonebecausethey’reinthepubliceye,butyoucanneverknowwhat’sgoingonbehindcloseddoors.”
“Iunderstand,”Isaidinabarelyaudiblevoice.
“Doyou?”
Ilookedawayfromhim.“Ihavetogiveyouthebackstoryfirst.Idon’tknowwhomyfatheris,”Istarted,surprisingmyself.WasIactuallygoingtotellhimaboutmyself?Thewordsjustwantedout,soIguessedIwas.“AccordingtoCatherine,mygrandma,mymomwascompletelyinlovewithhim.Theywerelivingtogether,butwhenhelearnedthatshewaspregnantwithme,hepackedhisstuffandleft.Apparentlyhe’dalreadytoldherheneverwantedtohavekids,sohesawitasabetrayal.AfterIwasborn,apparentlymymomdecidedshedidn’twanttohavemeeitheranddumpedmeonCatherine.AndCatherine…well,shetookmein,butsheisaverydifficultwoman.”
IglancedatAdamtoseeifhewasevenlisteningtome.Whenoureyesmet,heloweredhisheadinasmallgesture.“Goon.”
Ihuffed;itwould’vebeeneasiertostoptalkingifhewasjustignoringme.“Catherine…nowCatherinenevermarriedeither,butshewaslivingwiththeloveofherlifeandthentheyhadmymom,soitwasallsunshineandrainbowsforagoodlongwhile,Iguess.Butwhenmymomwastwoyearsold,dearoldGrandpastartedcheatingonCatherineandthenleftherfortheotherwoman,actuallygettingmarriedtoheramonthorsolater.Catherinereturnedhome,whichwasn’tthebestthingapparentlybecauseherownparents—whowerenotmarried,bytheway—treatedherlikeshit.Still,sheraisedmymomasbestasshecould,butturnedverybitterintime.Whenmymomdumpedmeonher,theyweren’teventalkingtoeachother,soobviouslythewomeninourfamilyareprettyfuckedupandtherearenomeninsight.”
Igavehimanotherglanceandfoundhimwaitingformetocontinue.“Sowe’recursed.AndCatherine…well,shetookcareofmewhenmymomleft,butlikeIsaid,sheisverycontrollinganddifficult.Toeveryonelookinginfromtheoutside,itlookslikesheisanangelfortakingmein,butthat’snothowitwas.Shewantedmetobeaversionofher.NothingIdidwasright.Therewasonlyherwayandwhenyoudidn’tfollowherrulesordowhatshewantedyoutodo,sheknewhowtothroweverythingsheeverdidforyouinyourface.Idon’tthinksheismentallystable,actually,butshedidtakecareofmeinsteadofkickingmetothecurb,soIdooweher,Iguess.”
Therewasamomentofsilence.
“Cursed?”herepeatedmyearlierstatement.“Isthatwhyyousaidyoudon’tdolovetheotherday?”
“Isaidthat?”
Henodded.
Meandmybigmouth.
Andheremembered?
“Huh…Idon’tremembersayingthattoyou,butyes.Idon’twanttoendupbeingabitterwomanlikethem.Anditdoesn’tlooklikewehaveanyluckwithloveasafamily,doesit?Sowhyforceit?I’dratherbesingleandhappythanfallinlovewithsomeone,popoutakid…andthenhavehimcheatonmeorleavemewhenthingsgetroughonlytogoandmarrysomeotherchick.”Ishookmyheadandhuggedmyknees.“Thewomeninourfamilydon’tgetmarriageproposals.So,no,thankyou.I’mmuchhappierwhenIwatchotherpeoplefallinlove,makesmehappierwithoutalltheheartache.”
“You’veneverfalleninlovewithsomeone?”heasked,asifthatwasthemostridiculousthinghe’deverheard
“Ididn’tjudgeyouforwantinganormallife,now,didI?”
Heleanedforwardandputhiselbowsonhisthighs,danglingthosesexyforearmsinfrontofmeashiseyespiercedmyown.“Iwasn’tjudgingyou,Lucy.”
WhydidIhavetogetallflusteredwhenhewaslookingatmelikethat?Ireachedforthewaterbottleandtookanothersiptopasstime.“Well,itsoundedlikeyoudid.”Igaveasmallshrug.“Anyway,withawomanlikeCatherine,Ineededtheescape.WhenIwasinbedatnight,Iusedtoclosemyeyesandimaginebeingsomewhereelse.”Igavehimaquickglance.“Ididn’timagineadifferentlife,orsomeonecomingtomyrescue,butIenjoyclosingmyeyesandgoingsomewherefaraway.Itcalmsme.OrsometimesIimagineI’mawaterfall,orthewind,orthesun.Essentially,bydreaming,IcreatedmyownsunshineforthedaysIneededit.Itwasmyescape.Iknowitmakesmesoundlikeacrazyperson,butithelpsmecalmdown,sofuckyouifyouthinkI’mcrazy.”
Heletoutaloudlaugh,andIslowlygotupfrommyseat.See,Ihadplentyofreasonstohatehim.Iknewitmademesoundlikeacrazyperson,Iknewit,butthatdidn’tmeanitdidn’thurttoseehimlaughingatme.Igentlythrewthewaterbottleonhiscouchandheadedfortheglassdoors.MaybeOlivewouldletmecuddleuptoherforawhile.Iwasfeelingalittlesickafterall.Shewouldn’tbesocruelastoturnmedown.
BeforeIcouldopenthedoorsandstepoutside,Adamcaughtmebymywristagain—Isweartheguyhadafetishofsomesort.Ilookedbackathimovermyshoulderandtriedtoshrughimoff,alongwiththetingleshisclosenessandtouchweresendingdownmyspine.Iwasn’tangryoranything,justtiredand,well,yeah,maybealittlehurt.“I’mgladtobeyouramusementforthenight,butIthinkit’stimeformetoleave.”
“Don’t,”hesaid,histhumbgentlymovingoverthesensitiveskinonmywrist.Mybrowsdrewtogether,andIlookeddownatwherehewastouchingme,buthisfingerhadalreadystoppedmoving,asifit’dneverhappened.“Iwasn’tlaughingatyou,Lucy,”hesaidinasofttone,andmyheadjerkedup.Wewerestandingabittooclose.Hemust’vecometothesameconclusionbecauseheletmegoandbackedoff.
Ididn’tswaytowardhimatall.Notme.
Heputahandonthesmallofmyback,andgeezhehadbighands—allthebettertoholdmewith,Iguess—andgavemeagentlepushbacktowardthecouch.
Isatontheedgeandwatchedhimgrabhisphonefromnearby.
“LetmecallDanandseewhattheholdupis.”Heglancedupatmefromhisphoneandadded,“You’vewaitedthislong,he’llbesadifhehearshemissedyou.”
Helookedgenuine,soIdecidedtostay.“Fine.”Iscootedbackintomyseatandgrabbedapillowtohug.
Dandidn’tpickup,andIcouldseethefrustrationinAdam’sface.Pacinginfrontofme,hetriedanothernumber.Whenthatdidn’tworkeither,heletoutalongsighandrubbedthebackofhisneck.
“Idon’tlikethis,”hesaidfinally,hishandsworkingonhisphone.
“Didyoutryyourex?”
“Sheisn’tanswering.NeitherisDan.Adelinemightbeonset,butAidenwassupposedtobeathomewithhisnanny.”
“Maybethey’reontheirway?”Isuggested,alittleworrycreepingintomyvoice.
“Theymustbe,”hemumbled,puttingawayhisphone.“I’llgivethemalittlemoretime.SometimesAidentakesalotoftimetogetready.”
WesatintensesilenceaswelistenedtothesoftmurmuringsofFrankSinatra.Thelongertherewasnolittlehumanrunningthroughthefrontdoor,themoreangerseemedtoemanatefromAdam.ThemoreIstayed,themoreIfeltlikeIwasintrudingonanotherfamilymoment,whichwasaweirdfeelingafterI’dalreadyintrudedonthemonmultipleoccasions.
“So,whatarethose?”Iasked,motioningtowardthepaperswhenIcouldn’ttakethesilenceanylonger.
“Newscripts.”
“Comeon,I’msureyoucangivememorethanthat.”
Heglancedbackatthefrontdooronceagain,thenturnedaroundtoreachforthepapers.“Newoffer.IhaveacontractwiththestudioandIowethemonemoremovie.Theysentovertwoscriptsformetochoosefrom,butI’mnotsosureabouteitherofthem.”
“CanIsee?”Iheldoutmyhandandwaited.
“Thisisoneofthosethingsyoucan’tmentionanywhereelse,Lucy.”
Irolledmyeyesandwiggledmyfingers.“Giveittome.”
Hehandedthemover,reluctantly.IhadbetterthingstodothangoaroundandspreadrumorsaboutthenewmovieAdamConnorwouldstarin.
“How’stheagentthinggoing?”heaskedasIlookedthroughthefirstscript.
Iansweredhimwithoutliftingmyeyesfromthepagesinmyhands.“I’malmostthere.Inarroweditdowntotwopublishers,andI’mwaitingtohearbackfromthem.Ialsopursuedotherdeals—audiobook,etc.What’sthisoneabout?”
Hescooteduntilhewassittingvery,Irepeat,veryclosetome.Iwilledmyheartbeattoslowdown,becausewhatthehell,heart?What’swrongwithyou?We’renotsupposedtoliketheguy,remember?Noneedtodocartwheelsjustbecauseheiswithintouchingdistance.
Hisarmbrushedmyshoulderwhenhetookthescriptfrommyhands,andIhappenedtoinhaleattheverysamemoment.Whatacoincidence,right?
Itookadeepbreathandfeltatingleonmyarmwherehisskinhadmadecontactwithmine.Firstofall,stupidskinandstupidtingle.Second,hesmelledlikewhiskeyandsomethingwarm,wild,anddeliciouslymasculine.Itwastheperfectinvitationtonuzzlehisneckandgetlostinhisscentandbody…whichwasavery,verybadidea.Iclosedmyeyestoignorehim,butthatonlyintensifiedhisscentandhowclosehewassittingtome.Hesmelledgoodenoughtoattackrightthenandthere.Ifithadbeensomeoneelse,Iwouldn’thaveeventhoughttwicebeforeIdidexactlythat,butwithAdam,Iforcedmyselftostaystill.
Youmightthinkmaybescootingawayfromhimcould’vesolvedtheproblem,butIwasnotapussy;IwouldnevershyawayfromaguyjustbecauseIwantedhim.Screwthat.Ifhewantedtoplaywithme,I’dplayhimrightback.
Tryingmybesttobreathefrommymouthwithoutlookinglikeaweirdo,Ileanedtowardhimandletmyarmrestagainsthisashecheckedthescriptinhishands.Heseemedsorelaxed,whichangeredmeevenmore.
ThereIwastryingmybestnottoactlikehewasaffectingme,andhedidn’tevennoticethatIwashavingamentalbreakdownfromhisproximity.Hell,Iwassecondsawayfromlettingmyinnersingerouttoplayandsinginghim“Pillowtalk”byZayn.
HowfunitwouldbetopissofftheneighborswithAdamConnor,indeed—especiallywhenthoseneighborswereOliveandJason.
Mymindmillionsofmilesaway,nakedinakingbedwithAdam,Ihadtroublefocusingonhiswordswhenhestartedtalking.
“InthisoneI’msupposedtobeadevotedhusbandtoasocialiteonlytoendupkillingherandrunningawayasadedicateddetectivetriestocatchme.”
“Boring,”Imanagedtosay.
“Yea,thatgotanofrommetoo.”
“Shouldn’tyouragentgetsomethingbetterforyou?”
“Heshould,whichiswhyI’mgettingridofhim.”
Iliftedaneyebrowandgavehimaside-glance.“FromwhatIhear,you’regettingridofanawfullotofpeople.Isittruewhatthey’resaying?Thatyouarelashingoutatpeoplewhoworkforyoubecauseofthedivorce?”Imadethemistakeoflookingintohiseyes,andheheldmygazewithahardexpressiononhisface.
“Lookslikespyingonsomeoneisn’tenoughforyou,youalsokeeptrackofthemthroughthetabloids.”
“Please,whywouldIevenkeeptrackofwhat’sgoingoninyourlife?IjusthappenedtoreadaboutitwhenIwaslookingthroughOliveandJason’spremierephotos.Onelinktookmetoanotherandthenanother…Iwasn’tcheckinguponyou,trustme.Ilivedinyourhouseforaweek,remember?Thereisnothingaboutyouthat’sexciting.Hell,evenDanhasamorecolorfullifethanyou.”
Hetossedthescriptawaywithunnecessaryforceanditlandedonthefloor.Igavehimaquizzicallook,butheprettymuchignoredme,alreadyfocusedonthenextscript.
“Isthatthewinner?”
“HowdidyoucometoknowaboutDan’scolorfullife?”Thequestionwasharmlessenough,butthewayhewasholdinghimselfsostillasiftheansweredmatteredfeltstrange.
“Becausewetalked?Hedoesn’thatemeasmuchashedidwhenhefirstfoundmeinyourbackyard.Can’tsayforsureifhelovesmeornot,butatleastheisengaginginconversationnow.Ievenmadehimlaughafewtimes.We’rebecomingfriends,Ithink.I’mwearinghimdown.”
“Whendidyouguyshavetimetotalkthisthoroughly?”
“Whenyousenthimtothestationwithme.What’swrongwithyou?”
“Nothing.”Heshruggedmyquestionoff.“Thisoneisaboutabrotherandsister.Theyareconartistsandworkwiththissmallgroupofpeople.Mycharacterissupposedtofallinlovewithhismarkandthenendupkillinghissisterwhenshegoesafterhislove.”
“Thatsoundsabitmoreinteresting,”Iconceded.
Hegruntedandturnedafewpages,handingthescripttomewhenhewasdone.“Thedialogueisn’tstrongenough.Thesistershouldbeastrongercharacterifsheisgoingafterhisloveinterest.Sheismadeouttobethisunstableperson,whichtakesawayfromthecharacter.Someoneelsehastogooveritandchangethingsaround.”
Ilookedatitandcouldn’tseeanythingjumpatme.“Changewhat?”
Heleanedclosertomeandourlegstouched.
GoodLord!Hewaspracticallyabusingmeatthatpoint.
“Let’sdoaread-through,you’llseewhatImean.”
“Read-through?”
“Readthelinestome,Lucy.”
“WhoamI?Laurel?”IpointedatthenameandlookedatAdam.
“You’reLaurel,mysister.AndI’mDamon.”
“Okay.Youstart.”
Atthetopofthescriptitsaid,Ext.TheCemetery–NightthensaidLaurelwaswalkingovertoDamonwithasuspiciouslookonherfaceashewaitedforhernexttotheirfather’sgrave.
Suddenlyhegotupandofferedmehishand.“Let’sstandupsoyoucangetintoyourrole.”
Isnorted,butstilltookhisoutstretchedhandtostandup.“I’mnotgoingtobeyourcostar.Idon’tneedtogetintomyrole.”
“Comeon,humorme.”
“YouwantmetodothisbecauseyouthinkI’munstabletoo,isthatit?I’llmakethecharactermorebelievableforyou?”
“Don’tbesosuspicious,Lucy.Justreadthedamnlines.”
Thescenewasjusttwosiblingstalking.Whatcouldbetheharm,right?Whowouldskipthechancetoreadlineswithfreakin’AdamConnor—especiallylinesthatmightverywellenduponthesilverscreen.
“Whatareyougoingtoread?”Iasked,lookingaroundtoseeiftherewasanothercopy.
“Ialreadyreadthroughittwice.I’mgoodwiththatscene.Juststartreading.”
Thescriptinonehand,Ismootheddownmyshirt,shookoutmyshoulders,andreadthedamnlines.
“Whydidyouaskmetomeetyouhere,Damon?”
Adamreachedoutandliftedmychinwithhisfingertips,short-circuitingmybrain.
InthebackgroundFrankSinatrawassinging“FlyMeToTheMoon”.
“You’resupposedtolookatmewhenyou’respeaking.Andputalittlemoreemotionintoit.Thesceneisset;readthroughthelinestogetasenseofwhatthescriptgivesyou.”
Iwilledmyheartandafewladypartstocalmdownthenlookedstraightintohisbottomlessgreeneyes.“I’mnotanactress…behappywiththeamountofemotionyou’regetting.”
Greedybastard.
Ilookeddownatthescript,memorizedthenextfewlines,andthistimesaidthemwithoutlookingdown.
“Whydidyouaskmetomeetyouhere,Damon?”
“Ithoughtitwouldbefitting,”Adamcontinuedonwithhisacting.
“Theythoughtsiblingsmeetingatthecemeterywouldbefitting?”Iasked,givingthepapersinmyhandaskepticallook.“Andwhatthehelldoesthismean?”Ipointedatthewritingbetweenthelines.
“Ithoughtitwouldbefitting,”herepeated,lookingatmepointedly.
Jesus,whatthehellisyourproblem,dude?
Irolledmyeyesandcontinued.“Wehaven’tbeenhereforwhat?Fifteenyears?Whynow?”
“Wesatbyhistombstoneandmadeapromisetoeachother,doyouremember?”
“Thisiswhereourlifestarted;ofcourseIremember,Damon.”
Henoddedsolemnlyandfinallylookedawayfrommyeyes.“Andnowwe’reattheendofanotherroad.”
“Whatareyoutalkingabout,Damon?”Iglancedatthescriptthenbackupathim.
Hereleasedadeepbreath,ranhishandthroughhishair,andtookastepforward,gettingabittoocloseformycomfortagain.“Ican’tdothisanymore,Laurel.Ican’tbeaghostinthenight,Ican’tpretendlikeI’msomeoneelse.Iwantmoreforus.”
IhardenedmyvoiceasmuchasIcouldandreadthenextlines.“Thisisallabouther,isn’tit,Damon?ThisisallaboutJessie.Sheisnothingmorethanamark,ordidyouforgetthatalready?”
Adamreachedoutandtookthescriptfrommyhandsforaquickglancethenhandeditbacktome.Ipartedmylipstomakeasnarkycommentabouthowmuchhesuckedasanactor,buthepressedhisfingertomylips.
Againwiththetouching.
Frankwasstillkillingitinthebackground.
Ifrowned,butkeptquiet.
“Youcan’ttellmeyou’renottiredofallthelies,Laurel.Whenisitgonnabeenough?”
Breakingoutofcharacter,Isighed.“Aretheytalkingtoeachotherlikethisfortheentirescene?Facetoface?”AdamtiltedhisheadsoIgotthemessageandwentonwithmyreading.
“Notyet,Damon.Notwhenwe’resoclosetogettingeverythingwewantedfromtheverybeginning.”
Hesighedandlookedawayagain.“She’spregnant,Laurel.Jessieispregnant.”
Andtheplotthickens.
Ireadthenextlinesandsnorted.“Howcanyoubesureit’syours?YouknewshewasdatingthatJakeguyupuntilafewmonthsago.”
WhenAdamlookedatme,hisfeaturesweretight.“It’smine.”
Iquirkedaneyebrow.“Takecareofit.Makehergetridofit.Youcan’tletthisruinourplan.Wewaitedalongtimeforthis.”
“Laurelisquitethebitch,apparently,”ImumbledundermybreathasIturnedanotherpageonthescript.SuddenlyAdam’shandswereonmycheeks,andhewaspressingakisstomyforehead
“Whatthehell?”Imumbled,lookingupathimasItriedtoscrambleaway
Danger!Danger!
Abort!
Hegesturedtothescript.“Read.”
Andofcourse,rightthereatthetop,itsaid,Damonkissesherontheforehead
Puttingmygamefacebackon,Itriedtokeepmycool.
Hekissedmeagain,hislipssurprisinglysoftonmyforehead,andItriedtostayasstillaspossiblewithhisfacesoclosetomine.
Thenheforcedmetomeethiseyes.Yes,heforcedme…IwasprettysuretherewassomesortofmagicinvolvedbecauseIwasbarelyabletobreathewithhishandscradlingmyfaceandhiseyespullingmysoulclosertohim.
Asshole.
Iswallowed,thenclearedmythroatforgoodmeasure.
“You’remysister,Laurel.Iloveyou,”hesaidwithasoftsmileonhislips.“Iloveyou,butI’mdone.Don’tmakemechoose.Ican’tdothisanymore,notwhenIhavesomuchtolose.”
Iglanceddownatthescriptasmybrainwashavingdifficultyfunctioningproperly.“Whataboutme,Damon?Whatdoyouexpectmetodo?Goonwithmylife?Actlikeherfamilyneverruinedours?”
Adam’sthumbcaressedmycheekboneandmyentirebodystartedtoburnup.Wasthatinthefuckingscript?Thenhisheadwascomingtowardme,andIwasbracingmyselfforakissonthenoseorsomethingequallyinnocentlikethat.
Weirdsiblingrelationship,butwhatever,right?
Oureyeslockedand,neverbreakingeyecontact,hislipssoftlytouchedmine.Ifroze.
Me.LucyMeyer,thegirlwhowouldhavelovednothingmorethantokissAdamConnorjustamonthbeforefrozewiththatsameAdamConnor’slipsonherlips.Mytraitorousbodytookasteptowardhimtokeeptheconnection.
Definitelyweirdsiblings.
Forafewdangerouslylongseconds,heletmefeelhislipsonmineastheymovedeversoslowly.ThentherewasagentleniponmylowerlipandbeforeIknewwhatwashappening,hewaskissingmeforreal,coaxingmetoopenmymouth.
Gently.
ButIfelthistongue.Isweartoyou,Idid.
IinhaledsharplyandbeforeIcouldreactinanyway,hewaspullingback.
Let’sgetthisstraight.Ididnotfollowhislips.NeitherdidIswaytowardhimlikealove-struckteenager.Nah,I’mnotthatgirl.Itwasjustatrickoftheeye.
Assoonasheletmego,Iduckedmyheadandstartedturningpageslikeamadwoman.WhenIcouldn’tfindwhatIwaslookingfor,Isimplyraisedmyhandandslappedhim.Hard.
Foralongmoment,neitheroneofusmoved.Frankwasendinganothersonglikeaboss,andotherthanmyheavybreathing,hewastheonlythingwecouldhear.
Finally,Adamasked,“Whatwasthatfor?”
“Whatdoyouthink?”Imanagedtocroakout.EventhoughI’dbeenstandinginthesameexactspotforthelastfewminutes,IfeltlikeI’drunamarathon—andthatwasfromasmallkisswhereIdidn’tevengettotastehimproperly.Iclearedmythroat.“Youjustkissedyoursister.”Ipointedafingerathim.“Anddon’ttrytotellmethatwasapeckeither.Howdoyouthinkshe’llreact?”
TherecordplayerstartedplayingFrankSinatra’s“ItWasAVeryGoodYear”,myfavorite,andAdamgrippedmychinwithhisfingersandtiltedmyfaceup.Itwasn’tagentlechingripeither.Hisbig,warmhandpracticallyengulfedthelowerhalfofmyface.
Itwasdefinitelyapanty-meltingmoment.Whodoesn’tloveaman—especiallyamanwholookedlikeAdamConnor—takingcontrolofyourbody—inasexyway,ofcourse.
“Ididn’tkissmysister,Lucy,”hemurmured,leanedin,andthenkissedme.Again.Likefull-onkissedme.Hisfingersholdingmyfaceinplace,hetiltedhisheadandsneakedhistongueinsidemymouth.
Thatkindofkissing.
Sothat’swhathetastedlike.Warmth.Silk.Addiction.Sex.Danger.Insanity.
Thescriptinmyhandflutteredtothefloor.
Mybrainwasacompletemess,givingmeallkindsofdangerwarnings.
Hetiltedmyheadtotherightandpracticallyruinedmewiththewayhewaskissingme.
Itwasakisswrappedupinanotherkiss.
Doesthatmakesense?No?Itdidn’tmakesensetomeatthetimeeither.
Yes,Lucy!Yes!
No,Lucy!No!
ItwaslikeI’dhadmultiplepersonalitieslivinginsidemyheadallthistimeandthey’dbeenwaitingtogetoutoftheirhideyholejustforthisspecialoccasion.
Butthenagain,AdamConnorwaskissingme…whatthehellwasagirlsupposedtodowhenfacedwithsuchaproblem?Hateornot,you’dgoforittoo.You’dgiveityourallandyou’dmakesureyougaveittohimgood.
Myhandsempty,Igrabbedhisshirtandpulledhimcloser,returninghiskisswithfervor.Icould’vewrittenapoemabouthowgooditfelttohavehimtoweroverme,andIwasn’teventhewriter.
Hisgriponmychintightenedtothepointthatitcamedangerouslyclosetohurtingme,butIwaslovingit.Ihatedhim,butIwaslovingthewayhewascontrollingthekiss.Controllingme.HowcouldhistouchfeelsodifferentthanthatassholeJakeCallum’s?
Iwaslovingthewayhisbreathingwasgettingoutofcontrol—justlikemine.Iwaslovingthathehadsneakedhislefthandaroundmywaistandwaspullingmetowardhisbody.
Ourtongueswereinabattle,andIdidn’tcarewhocameoutontopattheendaslongashekepthislipsagainstmine.
IwantedhimtolosehisshirtsoIcouldfeelhisskinundermytouch,butthatwouldhaverequiredbreakingapartfromhislips,andIwasn’ttoofireduptodothat.Theearthbeneathmyfeetcould’vecracked,andIstillwouldn’thaveletgoofhim.Heturnedhisheadtheotherwayanddeepenedthekiss,forcingmetoarchintohim.
Iwasstartingtothinkitwasokaytonotbekissedformorethanamonthifthekissyou’dgetattheendofthatdroughtwaslikethisone.Iwasokaywithanythingthatmanwoulddotome
Andholyhell,hewasdevouringmeasifhewasquenchinghisthirst.Iwassecondsawayfromclimbinghimandtryingmybesttofuckhimstandingup.Itwouldrequirealotofmaneuvering,butIcouldgiveitmybestshot.
Unabletoholditbackanylonger,Imoaned,andheslowedusdown,givingmylipsafewnipsasItriedmybestnottohyperventilateinfrontofhim.Hishandletgoofmyfaceandgentlypushedmyshorthairbehindmyear.
JustwhenIthoughtthetortureofmysenseswasover,heleanedinandkissedmycheek,thenalittlehigher,headingtowardmyear.Myhead,actingonitsown,tiltedtothesidetogivehimmorespacetoworkwith,andhechosethatmomenttorunhistonguealongtheshellofmyear,makingmegroanevenlouder.
AllIcoulddowasholdontohim.Iwasthatgone.Canyouimagine?Myvaginawasveryhappy,though.
“Lucy,”hewhispered,andallthelittlehairsonmybodystoodup.Whydidmynamehavetosoundsodamngoodcomingfromhislips?
Hisnoseinmyneck,hewasbreathingmein,andmybodywaspracticallymeltingawayinhishands.IfeltlikeIwascomingtolife.Orfloatingoutofmybody.Oralloftheabove.
“Callmecrazy,mylittlestalker,butIthinkIlikeyou,”hemurmuredagainstmyskin,hishotbreathwarmingmefromtoptotoeashenippedatmyskin.
“AndIthinkIdon’tlikeyouatall,”IwhisperedbackwhenIcouldthinklongenoughtoformwordsagain.
“Hmm,”hehummednexttomyear,causingmyeyestoflutterclosed.Whatwasheplayingat?“Thenyouwon’tkissmebackifItrytokissyouagain,Iassume?”
Itwasastupiddeclaration.Allkindsofkisseswerewelcomeaslongastheyinvolvedthoselipstouchingpartsofmybody,andtheassholeknewthat,ofcourse.
Itriedtopullaway,thinkinghewasitchingforanotherslap,buthisbighandsroundedmywaistandbeforeIknewwhathewasplanningtodo—I’mnotashamedtosayIwashopingforanotheroneofthosehardkisses—hestartedwalkingbackwardandtakingmewithhim
Hefellontothecouch,andImagicallyclimbedontohislap.Again,Ididn’twantto,ofcourse,soIwasblaminghisbig,stronghands.Ifhehadn’tbeentouchingmywaist,Iwould’vetotallywalkedoutonhim.However,sincehishandswerestillonme,urgingmecloser,insteadofwalkingaway,Istartedtoleanintohimtohaveanothertasteofthoselips.
Gobigorgohome,right?
Withoneofhishandsstillonmywaist,heslidtheotheronearoundtomybackandintomyshirt.
Igrippedthebackofthecouchwithonehandandputtheotheroneonhischest.Itmademegiddytofeelhisfranticheartbeatundermytouch.Ihadnorighttofeelgiddyabouthisheartbeat.Ishould’vegottenoffhislapandrunaway.
WhatdidIdo?Istayedformore.
Herestedhishandinbetweenmyshoulderblades.Skinonskin.Hotskinonburningskin.MakingsureIwasstandingonmykneestheentiretime,Ipressedmyboobsagainsthisbroadchestanddoveinforanotherbrain-scramblingkiss.
Heletoutalong,satisfiedgroanthatscrambledmybrainevenmoresoandruinedmypanties.Thenhemovedhishandhigherupsohecouldgripmyneck,holdmetohislips.Controllingme.Itwassexyashell,andsomehowsweet.Protective.Itcould’vebeenevenmoresexyifhewereabouttofeedhiscockintome.
Thevisualmademereleaseanevenloudermoanthanbefore.
Theladybeastinmewasoffitsleash,anditwaslookingtodevourthemanwhowasbetweenmylegs.
Hedrewmebackfromhislipsandgavemyneckasqueezetogetmyattention.Myeyelidsweredeadweight,butImanagedtoopenthemenoughtoseehisexpressiveeyeslookingstraightintomysoul.
“You’renotasgoodasIthoughtyou’dbe.”Thewordsjustspilledfrommymouth,takingmebysurprise.
Hislipsparted,hiseyesunreadable.Beforehecouldgetawordout,thefrontdooropenedandsomeoneslammeditshut.
Aiden.
Itwasenoughofajolttomovemeintoaction.Iscrambledtomyfeetandwipedmymouthwiththebackofmyhand.Myshirtfelldown,coveringmybackagain,andIsilentlycursedAdamformakingmefeelnakedwithouthishandonme.
Hewasstillsittingonthatdamncouchandlookingatmelikehewasseeingmeforthefirsttime.
“Adam,wehaveaproblem.You’renotgoingtolikethis,”avoiceannounced,andthenDantheGiantMansteppedinfromthehallway.
“I’lljustgotomyroom,”Imumbledbeforewalkingawayquickly.
DanwasfrowningdownatmeasIpassedhim,butthankfullydidn’tutteraword.Halfwaytotheroom,IrealizedIwasn’tstayingthereanymore.IcouldhearDanandAdamtalkinginhushedvoices.Facepalmingmyself,Igroanedandwalkedbackoutintothelivingroom
“Funnystory,”Istarted,walkingaroundthemthenjustcontinuingouttothebackyardwithoutfinishingmysentence.
IwasoverthatwallandinfrontofOlive’sslidingdoorsinmereseconds.Thedoorswerelocked.
“Whatthehell?”Imurmuredandstartedbanging.Thelightswerestilloninside,soIknewtheywereup.
“Olive!”Ishouted,gettingclosertotheglasstolookinside.
Suddenlythethinbeigecurtainsmoved,andOlivejumpedoutofnowhere.
“Holyfuck,”Iscreamed,scramblingback.“Haveyoulostyourmind?Youscaredtheshitoutofme.”
“I’mnotlettingyouin,”shesaid,standingontheothersideoftheglassdoors.Icaughtthesatisfiedquirkofherlips.
“What?Whythehellnot?”
Shecrossedherarmsoverherchestandliftedaneyebrow.“Spill.”
“Spillwhat?”
Hereyesnarrowedonme,andsheleanedinclosertotheglass,studyingmyface,Iassumed.Thenhereyeswidened,andshegasped.“Youkissedhim!Yourlipsareallpuffedup.Youkissedhimandyouweren’tgoingtotellme!”
“Excuseme?I’mstandingrightheretryingtogetinsoIcantellyouaboutit!”
“You’relying.”
“I’mnot,Olive.”
“Thentellmewhatyoudid.”
“Ididn’tdoanything.”
Shegavemeadisbelievinglook.
“Areyoureallygoingtotalktomethroughtheglass?”
“I’mwaiting.”
“Fine.Jesus.Ineverforcedyoutotellmesomethinglikethis.”
Sheletoutaloudlaugh.“Areyousure?Thinkmorethoroughly.Youdidwayworsetome.IstillrememberyoutextingJasononmybehalf,sayingIwassingle.Onehundredpercent.”
“Youshouldthankme.Youendedupmarryingtheguy,didn’tyou?”
“Don’tchangethesubject,Lucy.TellmewhathappenedoverthereorI’mnotlettingyouin,andI’mdefinitelynotsendingyouacopyofmybook.YoushouldhearwhatJasmineissayingaboutit.Shethinksit’sfantastic.”
“Ithinkyou’vebeenhangingoutwithmeforfartoolong;you’restartingtoactlikeme.”
“Spill.It.”
Iheldmyhandsup.“Allright.Allright.Calmyourtits,woman.IthoughtAidenwouldbethere,buthewasn’thomeyet,soAdamofferedtoletmewaitforhimtogetthere.”
“You’redoinggood,keepgoing.”
Despitethesituation,Ilaughedandgotclosertotheglass.
“Fine.Hekissedme,”Iwhispered,justloudenoughsoshecouldhearme.“ThenIslappedhimbecausehewaskissinghissister.”
Olive’seyeswidened.
“Thenhekissedtheshitoutofmeagain.AndIkissedhimback.ThenjustwhenIwasabouttolowermyselfonhislapandfeelthesizeofhisdickbeforeIcoulddiefromcuriosity,DantheMancamein.”
“Yousuck,Lucy.Ihavenoideawhatthehellanyofthismeans.Hekissedyouandhissister,andyouslappedhim?”
Inodded,feelingproudofmyself.“Well,closeenough.HekissedmeafterItoldhimaboutCatherineandmycurse.”
Shemovedcloser,pressingherforeheadagainsttheglass,shockalloverherface.“Youtoldhimaboutthecurse?”
Anotherquicknod.“Aftertheslap,hekissedmeagain,and,meh…”Ipausedforabeatandthenshrugged.“Itwasbetter,Iguess.Atleasthewasn’tgentle.Theslapmust’vehelped.”
“Ihateyou,”shesaid.
“Andthat’sexactlywhatItoldhim,too.Hesaidhethinkshelikesme,soItoldhimIhatehim.”
AbigsmilestretchedacrossOlive’slips.“AdamConnorlooovesyou.”
Igaveheraboredstare.“Ididn’tsaythat,now,didI?”
“Andyou’retotallyfallinginlovewithhim.”
Isnickeredandshookmyhead.“Ifyousayso,crazy.Nowopenthedoor,Itoldyoueverything.”
Sheturnedherbacktomeandleanedagainsttheglassdoor,givingmeacoylookoverhershoulder.“I’mgoingtowriteabookaboutyourlovewithAdam.It’sgoingtobeepic.”
“I’mnotfallinginlovewithhim,forGod’ssake.”
“Youwill.AndI’mgonnaloveeverysecondofit.”
“I’mcursed,remember,Olive?Quitplayingandopenthedoor,it’sgettingcoldouthere.”
“Please,weareinLA,it’sSeptember,howcoldcoulditget?AndI’msureAdamalreadywarmedyouup.MaybeIshouldtexthim.Whereisyourphone?”
“Olive!IsweartoGod…”Ibangedontheglass.“Openthedamndoor!You’rebecomingaminime,andI’mnotlikingit.Therecanonlybeoneofus.Youshouldbethecalm,sensibleone,nottheonewholeavesherfriendoutinthecoldforcoyotestoeatjustsoshecanlearnwhat’sgoingon!That’swhatI’ddo!”
“Ilearnedfromthebest.”
Iwasstuckbetweenfeelinglikeaproudmamaandanannoyedone.
Hereyesweresparklingwithamusement.“I’mdoingresearchformynextbook.SinceI’llbewritingaboutyou,Ibettergetintocharacter.”Thenherfacesobered,andshesighed.“Whydoyoudothistoyourself?Gohavefunwithhim.”Shetiltedherhead,gesturingtoAdam’shouse.“You’renotcursed,Lucy.Ifhekissedyou,itmeansheisinterestedevenaftereverythingyoudid.
“Excuseme?Um,weren’tyouwithmeonthatwallthatfirstday?IfI’mastalker,soareyou.”
“Ididn’tgetcaught,now,didI?”
“Nice.Whatagreatexcuse.Now,openthedoor.”
“Tellmewhy?”
“Whywhat?”
“Whywon’tyougobackthereandgiveitatry.Seewhereitgoes.”
Sinceshewasn’topeningthedamndoors,Iturnedmybacktoherandsatdowninfrontofthedoor.
“Lucy?”sheprompted.
Ilookedupatthesky.“BecauseifIfallinlovewithhimIwon’tsurvivethatfall.”
AdelineYoungLostHerSonattheAirport
TheseexclusivephotosofAidenConnor(5)cryingattheairportwhilesurroundedbypaparazziwentviralinnotime.AdelineYoungarrivedatLAXaroundsixPMandassoonasshegotoutofhercarwithherteam,sherushedintotheairport,asyoucanclearlyseeforyourselvesinthepictures.
Sofar,thissoundslikejustanothercelebrityspotting,right?Wrong.Beforewegoonwiththestory,wewantyoutoknowthatasateamwehadadiscussionaboutthesephotos,aboutwhetherornotweshouldsharethemwithyou,andintheend,eventhoughwethinktheyareheartbreaking,wethoughtsinceeveryothernewsoutletwasrunningwiththestoryandyou’dbeabletoseeiteverywhereonline,itwouldn’tchangeathingifwejustskippedpostingthem.Soafterthatdisclaimer,weshouldalsotellyouthatwewon’tkeepthesephotosupforlongbecausewhatyouseeinthesephotosisneverokay.Shovingagiganticcamerainakid’sfacewhileyou’rescreamingtogethisattentionandscaringhimtodeathisneverokay.Wedon’tcarewhosekidhe/sheis.
Allofthatbeingsaid,arethepaparazziwhotookthephotostheonlypartytoblamehere?That’sabigno.
WhenAdelineYoungarrivedatLAXsoshecouldboardherflighttoNewYork,shehadherpublicistNeilGermont,therighthandtoMichelLewis,andtwoofherassistantswithher.Asthegrouprushedintotheairporttocatchtheirflight,youcanseeanotherassistantgettingoutofthecarandrushingbehindthem.That’swherethingsgowrong.ThenextshotisofAidenConnorclimbingoutoftheSUVonhisown,clearlysearchingforhismother.Thepaniconhisfacespeaksvolumes,ifyouaskus
Youwouldthinksomeonewouldcomeoutandgethim,right?That’swhatwewereexpecting,becausehowisitpossibletoforgetakidinthecarwithsomanyassistantsaround?
ThenextsnapofAidenistheonethatwentvirallastnight.Youcanseehimcryingasthepaparazzisurroundhim,andwe’renottalkingabouttwoorthreepeopletakingpicturesofyoufromafarhere.Ifyoulookatthebackgroundofthephoto,youcangetanideaofthenumberofpeoplesurroundinghimandpushingtheirbigcamerasinhisface.Nowifitwereanyofusinthesamesituation,evenwewouldstartpanicking,butforafive-year-old,wecan’tevenimaginewhatascaryexperiencethatmust’vebeen—havingalargegroupofpeopleyou’veneverseeninyourlifeyellingyournamerightinyourfacewhileyou’researchingforyourmother.
We’reevenmoresadtosaythatnoneofthephotographershelpedAidengettohismom.Accordingtooursource,Adeline’sassistantcamebacktogethimwhentheyrealizedhewasnotwiththem,andthewholeordealonlylastedforaboutaminuteortwo,butforakidthatage,itmusthavefeltlikeaneternity.Whatrubsus—andmanyothers—thewrongwayisthatitwasn’tevenhismother,Adeline,whocametolittleAiden’srescue.Itwasanassistant.
Weallknowthateversinceherdivorce,AdelineYounghasbeenaverybusywomanassheistryingherbesttogetbackinthegameandscoreamoviedealwhilealleyesareonher,butbusyornot,wearecertainshewillreceiveafairamountofbacklashforthisincident.
WearestilltryingtoreachAdamConnor’snewPRteamforacomment.It’snotlikelywe’llgetanycommentatthispoint,butwecan’twaittoseewhathisnextmovewillbe.
ChapterTwelveAdam
“Fileittoday.Idon’tcarewhatyouhavetodo,Iwantyoutogetitdonebytheendoftheday.”
Ontheotherendofthelinewasmylawyer,LauraCorey.“Givemeasecond,Adam.”
Iclosedmyeyesandwaited.
“Okay.We’refilingforsolecustodyofAiden,then.It’snotgonnabeaneasyprocess.Areyoureadyforit?”
“Iwantmyson,Laura.”Therewasnoquestionaboutitanymore;noreasontogiveAdelinetimetocometohersenses.
“Okay,Adam.Okay.We’llstarttheprocesstoday.DoyouwantmetogetintouchwithyournewPRteamanddiscusshowwearegoingtomoveforwardwiththisnewdevelopment?Ihavetobehonestwithyou,I’drecommendyoutotalktoanewsoutletyoutrustoratleastreleaseapressstatement.It’sbetterifyougetaheadofeverythingandgiveashortexplanationinsteadoflettingthemrunwildwithit.”
“I’mnotlookingtomakeabigproductionoutofthis,Laura.”
“AndI’mnotsayingyoushould.Justthinkaboutit.Inthesesituations,it’sbettertoofferanexplanationinsteadofstayingsilentandlettingthepressrunwildwithit.Andafterlastnight’sphotos,trustme,theywillrunwildwithit.”
“Whichremindsme,”Istarted,somethingheavytakingresidenceinmystomach.“IwantAiden’sphotosofftheInternet,andIneedthenamesofthosephotographers.Theyknewwhattheyweredoingwasillegal.Itshouldn’thavehappened.”
Shesighed,thesoundmakingmeevenmoreagitated.“You’reright,itisillegal,butit’shardtoimplementthelaw.I’llhavemyinvestigatortryandgetthenamesofthephotographers,butyouknowtheyprotecteachother.It’llbealongshot.”
“Istillwantyoutotry.”
“OfcourseIwill.We’lltalkagain.”
Sheendedthecall.Withthephonestillinmyhand,IwalkedouttothepatioandcalledAdeline.Again.ThenightbeforewhenDanhadcomebackfromAdeline’splacewithoutAidenandletmeknowthatshehadleftthecitywithhim,withoutgivingmeanynoticeeventhoughsheknewitwasmydaytotakehim,I’dcalledherrepeatedlyuntilsheansweredherphone.Ithadn’tbeenafunphoneconversation.Whenshetriedtoexplaintomewhyshe’dhadtotakehimwithher,Iwasspeechless.
Sheansweredthecallonthefifthring.“Adam.Hello.”
“Adeline.Whereareyou?”
“WejustlandedatLAX.”
“Areyouheadinghome?I’llsendDantogetAiden.Thenyouandme…weneedtotalk.”
“Adam.”Shesighed.“IknowImessedup.Youhaveeveryrighttobemadatme,butI’mperfectlycapableofdroppingAidenoffmyself.”
“AndI’mtellingyou,youdon’thaveto.”
“Iwantto,Adam.Pleasegivemeachancetoexplain.Iwanttoapologizetoyoufacetoface,andIthinkit’llbegoodforAidentoseeustogether.”
Ididn’twantherapology,andIdidn’twanttoseeher,especiallyafterseeingthephotosofAidencryingashestoodinthemiddleofapaparazzifrenzy.AsfarasIwasconcerned,weweredone.Ineveryway.
AfterIendedmyconversationwithAdeline,IhadanothertalkwithmynewPRteamandsetupeverythingthatneededtobedealtwith.AsmuchasIwantedtokeepeverythingprivateanddidn’tagreewithmylawyer,Iknewitwouldspillout;atleastthiswayI’dhavecontroloverhowmuchandwhathadtospill.
Anhourlater,AdelinewalkedinholdingAiden’shand.ThenightbeforewhenI’dcalledAdeline,she’dsaidhewastuckeredoutandsleeping,soIcouldn’ttalktohimaboutwhathadhappenedandhowhewasdoing.
EverytimeIdroppedhimoffatAdeline’splace,he’dgetquietandlookatmeasifIwasbetrayinghim.Thelookhewasgivingmewhenhewalkedinwastheexactsamelookanditpiercedsomethinginmychest.
NotknowingwhatIwasdealingwith,Ikneltinfrontofhimtogetahug.Hewashavingnoneofit.HestoodcompletelyimmobileagainstmeasIroundedmyarmsaroundhim.
WithmyarmsstillaroundAiden,IglancedupatAdeline.Shepursedherlipsandmouthedaquicksorry.
Isighedandletgoofmyson.
“Hey,buddy.Imissedyou.”
Hemutteredalowhiunderhisbreath.
“DidyouhavefuninNewYorkwithyourmom?”
Anothernon-answerintheformofamumble.
“Aiden,”Adelinemurmuredgentlyassheletgoofhishandandfixedhishair.“Canyougiveyourdadandmeafewminutes?”
“Okay.”
Withoutmeetingmyeyes,heskirtedaroundmeandheadedtowardhisroom,onlytostopmidway.
HiseyesmetminefleetinglyasIslowlyroseup.“I’vebeengood,socanIaskforsomething?”
“Ofcourse,”Ianswered.He’dgetprettymuchwhateverhewantedfrommeatthatmomentifitmeanthe’dlookmeintheeye.
“CanIaskforLucy?”
“He’sbeenaskingforhereversincewelanded,”Adelineadded.
Ofcoursehe’daskforLucy.I’dwanthertooifIwerehim.Matteroffact,Iwantedhertoo.ThatwasanothermatterIhadn’thadtimetohandle…notthatyoucouldevermakethemistakeoftryingto‘handle’Lucy,butweneededtotalkaboutthatkiss.Asmuchasitmademesoundlikeapussy,afterthenightbefore…weneededtotalk,andafterthat,Ineededtokissheragain—mostlikelytoshutherup.
“Wecancallher,buddy,butIdon’tknowifshe’sbusy.”
“Canwecallhernow?Ifwecallhernow,wecanaskherifshemissedme.’Causeifshedid,she’llcomeforme,Iknowit.”
IfacedAdeline.“CanyouwaitwhileIcallher?”
“Ofcourse,Adam,”sherepliedwithagentlesmile,touchingmyarmforabriefmomentbeforeheadingtowardthelivingroomasIreachedformyphone.
Aidentookafewsmallstepstowardme,buthewasstillbeingdistant.IhopedseeingLucywouldhelp.Idialedhernumber,andsheansweredonthethirdring.
Heropeninglinewas,“Areyoucallingtogetafewpointers?”
Whoknewwhatshewastalkingabout.“Pointersonwhat?”
“Kissing,ofcourse.Imean,youweren’ttheworst,Iguess,but…Idon’tknow,Ithinkyoucoulduseafewpointers,andifIthinkthat,thatmeansyoucanreallyuseafewpointers.”
EventhoughAdelinewassittingjustafewfeetawayandAidenwaslookingatmewithhopefuleyes,mylipstwitched.
“Becauseyou’vedonesuchagoodjobofityourself?”
Therewasashortmomentofsilence.“What’sthatsupposedtomean?”
“I’mjustsaying,Ihappentothinkyoucoulduseafewpointersyourself.Idon’twanttobreakyourheart,but…”
Whenshespokehervoicewashigh-pitched.“But…?Butwhat?”
“I’mafraidthisisnotagoodtime.We’llhavetodiscussitsomeothertime.”
Shegrowled.“I’mthebestkisseryoucould’veeverhad,youasshole.”
“Ifyousayso,Lucy.”
“IfIsayso?IfIsayso?Whodoyoueventhinkyouare?”
Thesmalltwitchturnedintoafullsmile.Ifshehadbeenstandingnexttome,IwouldhavelovedtoshowherwhoIwas,butunfortunatelyforus,shewasn’t.Instead,mysonwaspullingonmyshirt,tryingtogetmyattention.
“CanItalktoher?Ithinkshemissedme.IthinkIshouldbetheonetotalktoher.”
InoddedatAidenandheldupmyfinger.
“Thereissomeoneherewhowantstotalktoyou,Lucy.Doyouhaveamoment?”
“NowyouaskmeifIhaveamoment?Afteryouruinedmyafternoon?Andwhowantstotalk?IsitDan?Ijusttalkedtohimthismorning.”
ShewastalkingtoDan?Thequestioncametothetipofmytongue,butIhelditback.
“No,notDan,”Isaidcurtly.Withoutanyfurtherexplanation,IhandedthephonetoAiden.
“Don’tpushher,okay?”Isaidgently.“Ifsheisbusy,youcanalwaysseehersomeothertime.”
“Hello?Lucy?Isityou?”Heheldthephonewithbothhandsandfocusedhisgazeonhisshoes.“I’mAiden.Doyourememberme?”
IglancedatAdelinetoseewhatshewasdoingandfoundhereyesonus.Shegaveasmallnodandlookedaway.Havingherinmyhousefeltstrange,likeshedidn’tbelonginmylife.Somuchhadchangedinsolittletime.
“Didyoumissme?Ifyoumissmeyoucancomeseemenow.”
“Aiden,don’tpushher,”Iremindedhimquietly,givinghimmyattention.Hedidn’tevensparemeaglance.
“Okay.CanyoubringOlive,too?Shemusthavemissedmetoo.Uh-huh.Whenwillshecomethen?Okay.I’mwaitingforyou,soyoucan’tbelate.”
Whatevershesaidontheotherendoftheline,Aidensmiledandnoddedtohimself.“Fiveminutes,Lucy.Don’tbelate,okay?”
Quickly,hehandedthephonebacktomeandrantohisroom.
“Aiden,becareful,”Iyelledafterhim,butIwasstillbeingignored.
AftermakingsureLucywasn’tstillontheline,IputawaymyphoneandmademywaybacktoAdeline.Halfwayoverthere,IrememberedLucy’sfondnessforthatwallandinsteaddecidedtostayclosetotheglassdoorssoIcouldunlockthedoorforherwhenshecameoverwithmurderonhermind.IleanedagainsttheglassandmetAdeline’seyes.
Forabeatwebothwatchedeachotherinsilenceandjusttookeachotherin.
“Howareyoudoing?”sheasked.
“Upuntilyesterday,Iwasdoingfine,Adeline.”
“Youcan’tpossiblybeblamingme,Adam.”
“AndwhoamIsupposedtoblame,Adeline?ShouldIblameAidenforwanderingoutofthecaronhisown?”
Adelinesighedandpushedherlongblondhairbehindherear.“Heshouldn’thavegottenoutofthecaruntilsomeonecametotakehim,butyou’reright,heisnottheonetoblame.”
“Howniceofyoutoagreewithmeonsomething.”
Hurtflashedacrosshereyes,butshecovereditupprettyquickly.
Shegotupfromthecouch.Herwhitejeanswerehuggingherlonglegswhilethegrayshirtshewaswearingwasrelativelylooseonherbreasts.Still,Icouldseethatshewasn’twearinganythingunderneath.Whetheritwasatacticornot,Ihadnoidea,butIwasn’tfallingforanything—especiallynotintobedwithher.
Asshestartedtomakeherwaytowardme,herphonestartedringinginherpurse,andshelookedbackatit.Thenshemovedbacktothecouchtotakethecall.
“I’mwaitingonacallfromthedirectorinNewYork,Adam.DoyoumindifItakeit?”
Shedidn’twaitformyanswer.
Atthatexactmoment,someonebangedontheglassdoors,andIjoltedoutofmythoughtsabouthowmuchIshouldtellAdelineofmyplans.IturnedmyheadandwasmetwithLucy’sangryeyes.Ismiled.IwasstartingtoacknowledgethefactthatIlovedseeingherallworkedupandreadytospitfireatme.
Mylittlewarrior.
Sheliftedherhand,andbeforeshecouldbreaktheglasswithherpounding,Iunlockedthedoorsoshecouldgetin.
“Asshole,”shemutteredasshewaspassingbehindme.
“Excuseme?”IaskedasIraisedaneyebrowather.
“Ass-hole,”sherepeated,louderthistime.“Whenwasthelasttimeyoukissedsomeoneanyway?”sheasked,lookingupatme.“Thatwasawful.Suchabigdisappointment.”
IleanedinandheldbackasmilewhenIsawherbodydoalittleswaytowardme.Mylipsgrazedherear,andIwhispered,“Areyoutryingtomakemekissyouagain,Lucy?Isthisyourwayofaskingmewithouthavingtoaskme?YouthinkI’llfallforit?”
ShemadealowgrowlinherthroatandthistimeIdidnothingtohidemysmile.“Becauseifitis,it’sworking.I’dlovenothingmorethantokissyousenselessagainandwatchyouclingtomefordearlife.”
Icaughttheshiverthatranthroughherbody,theslightbendofherneckthatbroughtmylipsclosertoherskin.Itwassexyashellandjustastempting.CatchingthereflectionofAdelineonherphonewithherbacktous,Imadesuremynosegentlybumpedherskinandtookadeepbreath.“Butthistime…thistimeI’dliketofinishwhatyoustarted.I’dliketopeeloffyourclothes.Touchyou.”Ipressedaquick,smallkissonherneck.“Kissyou…andkissyou…andkissyou…I’llkissyouaslongasyouwant,sweetheart.AndI’llstillbekissingyouwhileyou’recomingonmyfingers.”Ileanedinalittlefarther,makingsuremylipswererightnexttoherear.Outofthecornerofmyeye,Inoticedhertonguedartingoutofhermouthasshesecretlytriedtolickherlowerlip.“Andonmycock,”Iadded,myvoicecomingoutraspierthanIwanted.“I’lllookintoyoureyesandkissyouuntilyourlipsareallredandswollen.Ibetyou’dlovethat.”
WhenIleanedback,herbodyhadgonecompletelystill,buthereyes…ah,thosegrayeyesweremelting.TheyweremeltingformeinawayIwould’velovedtowatchweresheunderme,overme,orwrappeduparoundme.
“I…I…”
“Yes,Lucy?”Iprompted.
Hereyesslowlynarrowedintoslits.Whenshecrookedherfingerformetogetcloserandopenedhermouthtospeakagain,shewastryingherbesttocoverherreactiontomewithhersharpwords.
“Iwouldn’ttouchyourlipswithaten-footpole,AdamConnor,”shewhisperedasherchestroseandfellrapidly.“AndIseriouslydoubtyoucanfuckmelikeIliketobefuckedwithafour-inchdick.”
Ileanedbackandsmileddownather.“YouthinkI’mfourinches?”
“Adam?”Adelinecalled;IsawLucy’sbodytensefurther.
ItookastepbackfromherandturnedmybodytowardAdeline.
“ThisisourfamousLucy.”Iletherknow.
HereyesfoundLucyandasmilespreadacrossherlipsasshecameforwardtogreetmyfirecracker.
ShewasourLucy,Aiden’sandmine.
IcaughtLucy’seyesassheglancedbetweenmeandAdeline,butshedidn’tsayanything.WhenAdelinereachedher,IbackedupandwatchedherkissLucyonthecheek.
“It’ssonicetofinallymeetyou,”Adelinesaidgenuinely.
“Ah.”Lucyglancedatme,hereyesprobing,butwhenshecouldn’tgetareadonme,shefocusedonAdelineinstead.“Hi.It’snicetomeetyoutoo.”
“YoushouldseehowAiden’seyeslightupwheneverhetalksaboutyou.”
“Hementionedme?”LucyaskedasasweetsmileformedonthoselipsIwasstartingtobecomeveryinterestedin.
Adelineshookherheadandtouchedherarm.“Hetalksaboutyounonstop.You’rehisnewfavoritething.I’msogladIcaughtyoutoday.I’vebeenmeaningtotellAdamtobringyouaroundonedaysowecouldmeet.”
Hisnewfavoritething…Adelineandherwords.AndwhyintheworldwouldshewantmetobringLucyaround?
“Oh?”Lucyasked,justasconfusedasme.
Adelineglancedatmeoverhershoulder.“AdammentionedthathehadtoletgoofAnne,thenannybeforeyou.”ShefacedLucybeforeIcouldinterrupt.“Hedidn’texplainwhy,ofcourse,butAnnewasalittletoointerestedinwhatwasgoingonaroundhereifyouaskme,soI’mhappyhefoundanewnannyinstead.”
“Huh?That’sweird,”Lucysaid,eyeingmeoverAdeline’sshoulder.Ishookmyheadandkeptsilent.
“Lucyisnotananny,”Icorrectedher.
Adelineturnedbacktomeagain.“ButAidensaidsheislookingafterhim.”
“Sheis,butsheisn’thisnanny.ShewaskindenoughtospendtimewithhimlastweekbecauseIcouldn’tfindanyone.”
AdelinekeptglancingbetweenLucyandme.
“Ilivenextdoor,”Lucypipedin.“Temporarily,”sheadded.“I’mOlive’sfriend.OliveThorn?JasonThorn’swife?I’msureyou’veheardofher.”Lucy’seyesslidtome.
You’reonyourown,sweetheart.
Adeline’sfacelitupasIwatchedtheawkwardinteractionbetweenthem.Icould’vehelped,Isuppose,butwherewasthefuninthat?
“Thewriter?That’stheOliveAidenkeepsmentioning?”Adelineturnedtome.“Iknewtheywereyourneighbors,butIdidn’tthinktheywereyournext-doorneighbors.”
“Whatdifferencedoesitmake?”
AdelinerolledhereyesandpulledLucyfartherintothelivingroom.“Comeon,weneedtositdownforthis.”
Lucy’sconfusedeyesmetmineastheypassedme,andIsmileddownather.
“Iadoredherbook,andIheardtheopeningnumbersforthemoviewerehuge.I’dlovetomeethertoo,”Adelinecontinuedassoonastheyweresittingdown.
“She’llbehappytohearthat,”Lucyreplied.
“Ihopeyoudon’tthinkthisisawkward,Lucy.Sinceyou’respendingtimewithAiden,I’dliketogettoknowyoualittlemore.Iknowhelovesyou,but…”
Ishookmyhead.Sothat’swheresheisgoing.
“Aiden,”Iyelled,andafewsecondslaterweallheardhisrunningfeetcomingtowardus.WhenhesawLucy,hechangedcourseandrantowardher.Lucygotup,andAidenthrewhimselftoherandhuggedherlegs.Shegruntedwiththeforce,andthelaughthatcameafterthegruntwasbeautiful.
“Hey,littlehuman,”shesaidaffectionately.
Aidentiltedhisheadbackandlookedupatherwithsuchpleasure.
“Youcame!”
“OfcourseIdid.HowcouldImissseeingyou?”
“Youwerealmostlate,though,soyou’llhavetostaylonger.”
Aidendroppedhisarmsdownandwaitedforheranswer,hiseyesscheming.
Seeinghimsohappyeasedtheworryinmychest.Maybehewasn’tthatscaredanymore,nowthathehadhisLucy.ForabriefsecondIwonderedwhatLucywould’vedoneifshehadbeeninthatcarwithhim.Wouldshehavelefthimbehindandtrustedtheassistantstotakecareofhim?Orwouldshehaveevenforgottenabouthiminthefirstplace?
Iseriouslydoubtedit.
Lucymadeashowofcheckinghernonexistentwatch.“Ah,Ican’ttell,howlatewasI?”
Aidengrabbedherwristandstaredatitforawhile.“Youwereanhourlate,Lucy!Nowyou’llhavetostayforanhour.”
“Huh,lookatthat.AndhereIthoughtitwasonlyfiveminutes.IguessI’mstayingforanhourthen.”
Aidenjumpedupandraisedhisfist.“Yes!”
“Aiden,”Icalledtogethisattention,andhelookedatme.Hehadthatsweetsmileonlyachildcanhavewhenthey’vetrickedtheirfavoritepersonintospendingtimewiththem.“Istillhavetotalktoyourmom,somaybeyoucantakeLucyintothebackyardandtellherwhatyouwereuptoinNewYork?”
“Okay,”heansweredreadily,hiseyesstillshiningwithexcitement.GrabbingLucy’shand,hedraggedherouttothebackyard.
“Ah,Adam,”LucymumbledbeforeIcouldslidethedoorclosed.Aidenletgoofherhandandracedtowardthepool.
“Aiden,slowdown,”Iyelledafterhim.
AftershootingaquickglanceatAdeline,Lucysmiledandquietlywhispered,“Shedoesn’tknowwhyyoufiredthenanny?”
“Shedoes.”
“Thenshedoesn’tknowyouhadmearrested?”
“Sheknowsthat,too.”
Herbrowsdrewtogether,andshegavemealonglookbeforewalkingawaytojoinAidenasshemutteredunderherbreath,hervoicetoolowformetohear
Adeline’seyeswerefollowingthemasAidenranbacktomeetLucysohecoulddragheragain.
“Sheisbabysittinghim?”
“Ifsheisn’tbusy,shecomesoverforafewhoursuntilIcomeback.OrDanwatcheshim.”
“YoutrustheraftertheAnneincident?”
“Youmeantheincidentwhereoursonalmostdrowned?”
Adelineknewaboutthe‘pool’incident,butnotsosurprisinglysheshowednosignsofworryforAiden.
Sherolledhereyes.“Youdon’thavetosayitlikethat.Wewouldn’twantanyonetohearwhathappened.”
Ofcourseshewouldn’t.Ishookmyheadandtriedtoletitgo.
“Soyoutrusther?HowaboutJasonandOlive?”
Ididn’tevenneedtothinkabouttheanswertothatquestion.“Iwouldn’tleavehimwithherifIdidn’t.Plus,heenjoysspendingtimewithJasonandOlive,too.”IglancedoutsideandsawtheduosittingontheloungechairsasAidenchattedanimatedly.“FromwhatIcanseeandhearfromJason,sodothey.”Shewasn’taskingaboutJasonandOliveforAiden’ssake.
Ididn’tfeeltheneedtomentiontoherthatwehadputalisteningdeviceonAiden’stoytomakesureeverythingwasokay.Cometothinkofit,Ididn’tfeeltheneedtoexplainanythingtoAdelineanymore.
Sittingacrossfromher,Iletgoofherabitmore.Abitmoreofwhatshewastome.Whatshe’dbeentome.
“Howareyoudoing?”sheaskedwhenIstayedsilent.
“Good,Adeline.”
“Areyousure?IknowyoutookabreakwithMichel,too.I’mhereifyouwanttotalk,Adam.”
Iraisedmybrows,andshehadthedecencytolookawayfromme.
“Inevermeanttomessupyourlife,Adam.”
“Mylifeisnotmessedup,Adeline.Infact,I’mveryhappywithhowthingsturnedout,andIdidn’ttakeabreakwithMichel,Ifiredhim.Youandme…wearenotheadinginthesamedirectionanymore.Itdidn’tmakesensetokeephimon.”
“Itdoesn’thavetobethatway,youknowthat.”
Ishookmyheadandrelaxedintomyseat.“Idon’thaveaproblemwithhowthingsarewithyouandme,Adeline.Youmadeyourchoice,andI’mokaywiththat.Imovedon.Youmovedon.Ourproblemrightnow,andwhatIwouldliketotalkabout,isAiden.”
“Idon’tseehimasaproblem,Adam.”
“Oh,butyoudo,Adeline.Hewasthereasonyouwantedadivorce,remember?”
ShesighedandgotupfromherseattostareoutsideintotheyardwhereLucyandAidenwereinsight.“Doyouthinkwemadeamistake?”
“Amistake?”Iasked,notfollowingher.
Sheturnedtofaceme,clutchedherhandsatherback,andleanedagainstthewindow.Lookingather,IsearchedforthefeelingsI’dhadforagirlwhowasnothingbutpuresweetness,butIcouldn’tfindwhatIwaslookingfor.Itwastrulyoverforus.AndnotonlythatAdeline,theAdelineI’dknown,wasnowheretobefoundeither.Sure,shewasstillsweetandconsideratewhenshewantedtobe,butshewasn’tthesamegirlI’dmetonsetandfallenfor
MaybeshehadadaptedtoHollywood,andIwastheonewhohadchanged—drastically.
“WithAiden.Doyouthinkitwasamistake?”
Shockedatthequestion,Ijuststaredather.“Howcanyousaythat,Adeline?”Imanagedtoforceoutaftersometime.Thinkingbackonit,IthoughtthatwasthemomentthatsolidifiedmydecisionabouttakingAidenawayfromher.
“I’mnotsayinghavinghimwasamistake,Adam.Don’ttakeitlikethat.Ilovehim.”
Icouldsenseabutcoming,andshedidn’tdisappoint.
“Butdoyouthinkourdecisionwasamistake?”
Tomeitsoundedlikeshewasaskingthesamedamnquestion.
“Afteryoulearnedaboutthepregnancy,youmadealltheplans,Adeline.Itwasyourdecision.”
“Butthenitwasn’t.”
“Yes.”Inodded,givingherthatmuch.“AfterIsawhim,itbecameourdecision.”
Sheleftherspotnexttothewindowandsatdownnexttome.Close.
“Wouldthingsbedifferentforus,doyouthink?IfAidenhadn’thappened.Doyouthinkwewould’vestillendeduphereormadedifferentdecisionsalongtheway?”
Ilookedintohereyesandsawthatshewasbeinggenuine.Iexhaled.“Idon’tknow,Adeline.Ican’tknow.Ifyou’reaskingifwewould’veendedupgettingmarriedeitherway…Ithinkwewouldhave.Ilovedyou.Maybeitwouldn’thavehappenedsofast,butyes,Ithinkwewouldhavestillendeduptogether.”
“Ilovedyou,too,Adam,”shewhispered.“SomuchthatIcouldn’timaginewakingupwithoutyousleepingnexttome…”
“Butnowyoucan,”Ifinishedforher.
Shelookedaway.
“IthinkIdidmakeamistakebyforcingAidenandmeonyou.Andhechangedyou.Hechangedus.”
“Ofcoursehechangedme.Theproblemishecouldn’tchangeyouandthatiswhatendedupchangingus.Idon’tseewhywe’rehavingthisconversationagain,Adeline.Wewentoverallthiswhenyougavemeyour‘Iwantadivorce’speech.Ihaveotherthingstotalktoyouabout.Idon’thavetimetolistentoyoutalkabouthowoursonwasamistakeforyou.”
“Ourson,”sherepeated,meetingmyeyes.“I’msorry.Thingshavebeenhardformelately.”
“What?Youdidn’tgetthegreenlightfromthedirector?”
“Actually,no,Ididn’tgetthegreenlight.IalreadytoldyouIhadtotakeAidenwithmebecausethedirectorwantedtoseemearoundAiden.Theroleisamotherwhotriestoprotecthersonfromanabusivehusband,sowhenthetabloidsranwiththestorythatIforgotAideninthecar…itmust’veaffectedhisdecision.”
“Musthave…”Ishookmyhead.“Heisnotapurseyoucantakewhereveryouwanttoshowhimoff,Adeline.Justbecauseyou’respendingtimewithmymotherdoesn’tmeanyouhavetoactlikeher,too.”Shepursedherlips.“IwantedustotalksoIcouldtellyouthatI’mfilingforsolecustodyofAiden.Ididn’twantyoutohearitfromapressreleaseorseeitinthetabloids.”
Sheputherhandonmyarmandleanedintome.
“Youknewitwascoming,andIthinkafterwhathappenedyesterday,it’shightimewedoit,”Isaidbeforeshecouldhaveachancetoprotest.
“Adam,youcan’tdothattome.Notnow,notafterwhathappened.AndyouhavetothinkaboutAiden,too.Wetalkedaboutthisbefore.Forgetaboutme,doyouknowwhathe’llthink?Whateveryoneelsewillthink?”
ItwistedmybodysoIcouldseeherface.Herhandgentlysqueezedmyarm.
“Whatwillhethink,Adeline?”
Shereleasedalongbreath.“He’llthinkIdon’twanthim,andsowilleveryoneelse.”
“Doyouwanthim?”
“Yes,Adam.Ofcourse.Thisisworkingoutgreatforhim.Oneweekwithme,oneweekwithyou.Andthisway,Ihavetimetofocusonmycareer.I’mfinallygoingbacktodoingwhatIlove.”
“Ineverstoppedyoufromdoingwhatyoulove,Adeline.Likeeverythingelse,takingabreakwasyourdecision,too.Youthoughtifyoulefthimwithnanniesandwentbacktoshootingpeoplewouldjudge.Intheend,youalwaysdidwhatyouwantedtodo,sodon’teventrytodumpthisonme.”
“Adam,”shestartedagainandmytemperflaredup.Istoodupandlookeddownathersadface.
“Whathappenedyesterday,Adeline?Didyouforgethewasinthecarwithyou?”
Shescowledatme.“Ofcoursenot.”
“Thenwhathappened?”Irepeatedmyquestionthroughgrittedteeth.
“Ritawassupposedtohavehim.Itwasherfault.”
“Rita,yourassistant.You’regonnasitthereandblameanassistantfornottakingcareofyourson?”
Sheremainedsilent.
Herphonebuzzedonthecouchacrossfromherandhereyesslidthatway.Tomysurprise,shedidn’tgoforit.
“Isawthephotos,”Iexplained.“Isawthephotos,andIneversawyoucomebacktorescuehim.Hestoodthere,Adeline.Hestoodthereandcrieduntilanotheroneofyourassistantscameouttotakehimin.”
Shestoodupandmetmyeyes,hervoicerising.“Heshould’vewaitedinthecar,Adam.”
“Heisfiveyearsold,Adeline.Hewasgoingafterhismom.”
Herphonestoppedbuzzingthenstartedtogooffagain.
“Takeit,”Isaid.“I’llsendAideninsohecansaygoodbye—ifyouhavetimeforthat,ofcourse.Ifnot,I’mgoingouttospendtimewithhimsohecanstartlookingintomyfaceagaininsteadofatmyfeetandthenI’mmeetingwithmylawyer.Isuggestyoudothesame.You’llstillhaveyourweekswithhimuntilthejudgemakesadecision.”
Iwalkedawayfromher,buthervoicestoppedmebeforeIcouldstepoutside.
“Iwon’tgiveuponhimthateasily,Adam,”shesaid,hervoiceharderthanithadbeensecondsbefore.“Iwon’tleteveryonethinkI’mokaywithyoutakinghimawayfromhismother.”
“Ofcourseyoucan’t,Adeline,”Iagreedwithher.“Howwouldthatmakeyoulookinthepubliceye?Awomanwhodoesn’tcareaboutherkid…”Ishookmyhead.“You’llhaveamuchhardertimegettingauditionsthatway,Iimagine,withthebadpressandeverything.You’llfightforit,Iknow.Me,ontheotherhand…Idon’tcarewhattheythinkatall.AllIcareaboutrightnowiswhatthatkid”—Igesturedwithmythumbovermyshoulder—“thinksofme.AndifIneverhearhimbegmenottosendhimawayagain,Ithinkthatwillbeenoughtomakemehappy.”
ChapterThirteenLucy
“You’readog,”IsaidtoAiden,andhegiggled,coveringhismouthwithhishand.
“I’mnotadog,Lucy,”hemanagedtosputterinbetweengiggles.Ismiledathim.
Weweresittingoutinthebackyard,loungingashisdaddytalkedtohismommy.Geez,butIhadactedlikeacompleteweirdowhenIsawher.Imean,shewasanactress,eventhoughshedidn’tactuallyactinmanymovies,butstill,shewas.Morethananything,shewasknownasAdamConnor’swife.
Soafterthethingsthecleverassholehadmurmuredintomyear,liftingmyheadandseeinghiswife—ex-wife—hadmessedwithmymindforasecondthere
“Okay,”Igavein.“You’remorelikeacutepuppy.”
“IfI’mapuppywhatareyou?Acat?”heasked,hiseyesdancingwithmischief.
“WhydoeseveryonethinkI’macat?No,todayI’mgonnabeabird.Nowcloseyoureyes.”
“ButIwannabeabirdtoo.”
“Youdo?”Ilookedathimwithoneeyehalf-open.“Okay,thenwearebothbirdstoday.”
Henoddedenthusiasticallyandclosedhiseyes.
“Now,whatwouldyoudoifyouwereabird?”
“I’dflyaway!”
“Wheredoyouwannafly?”
“You’reweird,Lucy,”Aidenannounced.
“Goodweirdorbadweird?”
Amomentofhesitationonhispart.
“Goodweird.Ilikeyou.”
“That’sgood,”Isaidwithasmile.“Ilikeyou,too.”
“Aiden,”Adamcalledout;Ipeeredathimoverthechair.
Handsomebastard
HewalkedtowarduswitheasystepsandmyeyestookineverythingthatwasAdamConnor.Helookedatme,soofcourseIlookedaway,butdamnthoseeyesofhis.
Hekneeledbetweenourloungechairs,hisfingersholdingontothechairmereinchesawayfrommyface.HefocusedonAiden.
“Danisonhiswayoverhere.IsitokaywithyouifIleaveyouwithhimforafewhours?”
Aidenshrugged.
Well,well,well…isn’tthatinteresting?
“Ineedyoutolookatme,Aiden,”Adamsaidwithasigh.
Aiden’seyeslifteduptohisfather,butIcouldseeitwasthelastthinghewantedtodo.
“Ineedtogoandseemylawyer.WillyoubeokaywithDan?”
“Whycan’tIstaywithLucy?”Aidenasked.
Adam’sgazefoundmine.
Iraisedaneyebrowathim.
“Because,”hestarted,lookingbackatAidenagain.“I’msureLucyhasotherthingstodo.I’llbebackassoonasIcan,thenIwanttotalktoyouaboutwhathappenedandhowit’snevergoingtohappenagain,okay?”
Ah,sothatwaswhythelittlehumanwasgivinghimthecoldshoulder.
Aidenshruggedagain.“Whatarewegonnatalkabout?Youdidn’twantme,soMomtookmeawaytofly.”
MyeyesflewtoAdam,andIsawhisentirebodytighteninascaryway.“Isthatwhatyourmomtoldyou,Aiden?”
Aiden’sanswerwasreluctant.“No.”
“Getup,”Adamordered,andIrealizedIwasintrudingonanotherprivatemoment,butheck,atthatpointitwasn’tmyfaultanymore.Theyshould’vestoppedhavingthosemomentsaroundme.SoIstayed.
Aidenuncurledhisbodyfromtheloungeandstoodinfrontofhisdad.Hiseyesdroppeddowntohisshoesashetwistedandtwistedthoselittlefingers.
Adamgentlyliftedhischinupsohecouldlookintohiseyes.“Iknowyou’reconfusedwitheverythingthat’sbeengoingon,thebackandforthbetweenyourmomand—”
Aidenscruncheduphisface.“I’mnotconfused.Youdon’twannakissandsquishMomanymore,soyougotyourselfadivorce.”
Mylipstwitched,butIkeptitundercontrol.Adam,ontheotherhand…Adamdidn’tlookallthatamused,but,God,didhelooksexywiththatscowlonhisface.
“Webothwantedthedivorce,Aiden.Itwasn’tjustme.”
Anothershrug.
“SoyoustillwanttokissandsquishMom?”
“Ididn’tsaythat.”
Boy,washescrewingthisup.
“Ithinkyourdadlovesyouverymuch,Aiden,”Ijumpedin.Itwasn’tmyplacetosayanything,butthesexydadwastakingtoodamnlongtogettothepoint.Boththefather’sandson’sgazesturnedtomeanditwasmyturntoshrug.“Iknowhowupsethegetswhenyouleavetospendtimewithyourmom.Isawitmyself.Hesitsaroundandcriesallday.”Iscrunchedupmynose.“It’spathetic,really.”
“No,hedoesn’t,”Aidensaidwithbrightasmile.
“Oh,hedoes,littlebug.Isawitmyself.”
Hecockedhishead.“Wereyouwatchinghimoverthewallagain,Lucy?”
“Yep.”
Heturnedtohisdadandthrewhisarmsaroundhisneck.“Idon’twantyoutocry,Daddy.Iwon’tleaveyouandgotoflyagain.Ipromise.”
Adammetmyeyesasheheldontohisson.“No,youwon’tleaveme.I’mnotlettingyougo.Notanymore.”
Iwillnotswoon.
Iwillnotswoon.
Iwillnotswoon.
***
“Didyouputthenoteonthedoor?”Aidenwhisperedfromhishidingplaceunderthewoodtable.
Iwashidingbehindthecouch.“Idid.Don’tworry,he’llseeit.”
“Youputthegunwherehecanseeittoo?”
“Yup.”
Hegiggled.“Doyouthinkhe’llbeangry?”
“Angry?Psshhh,he’llhavethebesttimeofhislife.He’llthankus,trustme.”
AfterAdamleft,IstayedwithAiden.AnhourlaterwhenDantheManjoinedus,weconvincedhimtogooutonascavengerhuntforus.Youknow,sohecouldgetthenecessarythingsforafunmovienight:pizza,candy,snacks,M&Ms,burgers…thelistwentonandon.Assoonashewasoutthedoor—andIswearIsawasmallsmileplayingonhislips—wehatchedaplantogetbackatAdamforlettingAdelinetakehimawaytoNewYork.Iknewhe’dhadnothingtodowithit,butstill,wewereoutforrevenge—andalittlebitoffun—soitwasasgoodanexcuseasanyinourbook.Moreimportantly,itputthebiggestsmileonAiden’sfacewhenIfirstcameupwithit.
WecalledtofindoutwhenAdamwouldbehomeandleftanoteonthedoor.
Areyoureadytocryallthetears,AdamConnor?
Catchusifyoucan!
PS.Justbecausewefeltsorryforyou,youcanusethegun.It’sloaded.
Rightunderthenote,therewasthesmallestsizeNerfSuperSoakergunyoucanfind.AidenandIhadthebiggerones.Infact,theyweresobigthatAidenkepthavingtroubleholdinghisup.
WeheardthedooropenandthenAdam’svoicetrickledin.
“Aiden?”
IheldmyfingeruptomymouthandwarnedAidentostayquiet.Henodded,butcouldn’tholdbackthesmallgigglethatescapedhislips.Helookedsodamnhappy.IgrinnedathimandgotreadytoblastAdamwithfreezingcoldwater.
Itiltedmyheadslightlyup,onlyenoughthatmyeyesandforeheadwerevisible,andsawhimwalkintothebigopeningbetweenthekitchenandthelivingroomwherewewerehidingasquietlyaswecould.
“Dan?Anybodyhome?”
AnothergigglefromAiden.
Icheckedagainandsawthathehadn’ttakenourgameseriously:thegunwasjusthanginginhishandwiththenotewehadattachedtothedoor.Sobeit.Wehadwarnedhim.
Hewalkedfartherintotheroom,closertous.
IgotAiden’sattentionandhelduponefinger—oursignal.ThenIopenedmypalmandmouthedGo
Westoodupatthesametime,exactlywhenAdamwasstandinginbetweenus,andblastedhimwithwaterfrombothsides.Asthefirststreamofcoldwaterhithisshirt,heopenedhismouthinshock.Istartedlaughingandpumpingtheguntohithimwithmorewater.
Aiden’sgigglingwasuncontrollableashehithisdad’sstomachwithmorewater.
Adam’sshockedeyesjumpedbetweenhissonandme,thenheliftedhislittlegun—nopunintended—andstartedshootingwaterathissonasheadvancedonhim.Aidensquealedwhenthefirsthitfounditstargetandranoutside.Therewasanotherloadedgunwaitingforhimneartheloungechairs.Thatleftmealonewithhisfather.
Heloweredhisgunandturnedtofaceme.
Bigmistake.
“Whatisthis?”heaskedashishandsmoothedhiswetT-shirt.Heliftedhishandandshookoffsomeofthewater.We’dgottenhimgood.Myeyesfollowedhishandbecause,ohLord,Icouldseetheoutlineofhisabsandthosepecs…Jesus.Whatagloriousview.Hetookastepforward,andItookastepback.
“Don’tcomeanycloser.”Iraisedthegun.
Hestopped,theexpressiononhisfacemakingmyladypartspurr.Thoseeyes…goddamnit,thoseeyes!
“We’recheeringAidenup,”IexplainedasIbackedawayfromhimsinceitdidn’tlooklikeheintendedtostop
“We?LookstomelikeI’mtheonedoingallthework.”
“Well,youaretheonewhomadehimsadafterall.It’sjustalittlewater,Mr.HotshotMovieStar,youwon’tmeltaway.”
“Ithinkyouwill—”
Ididn’tlethimfinishandblastedhimwithmorewater,rightonhiscrotch.
Hestoppedspeakingandlookeddownathisnowwetpants.Whenheglancedupatmewitharaisedeyebrow,Ibracedthegunatmyhipandshrugged.
“Run,Lucy.Runforyourlife,”hemurmuredandthenlungedatme.Isawhimthrowawayhisgunandbeforehecouldgettome,Iturnedaroundandran
“Incoming!”Iyelled,lettingAidenknowhisdadwascomingout.AnotherblastofwaterhitAdam’sfacejustbeforehecouldcatchme.Hisfingerstouchedmyarm,butwithmyninjaskills,Isquealedandmanagedtoslipawayfromhimandthetingleshishandcausedeveryfreakingtimehetouchedme.
Sincemygunwasempty,Ireachedforthefifthgunwe’dhiddeninthebackyardandhitAdamfromtheotherside.
AdamadvancedtowardAiden,andhejumpedupandranaway,laughingandscreaming.
“Daddy,youcan’tcatchus!”
“Oh,trustme,Iwill.”
“You’reallwetnow!Wegotyou!”
“WhenIgetmyhandsonyoutwo,you’llbesingingadifferenttune.”
AdampretendedtocatchAiden,butthenlethimskirtawayfromhim.
“You’renotcatchingLucy!CatchLucy!”Aidenscreamedasheeyedhisfathertoguesswhichwayhe’drunnext.
“Heynow!”Iyelled,butitwastoolate,mywatergunjammed—thestupidthing.BeforeIcouldfigureoutwhatwaswrongwithitandfixitquickly,Adamquickenedhisstepsandalmostcaughtme.
Droppingthegun,Itwistedawayfromhim,butIwastooslow.Hisarmsneakedaroundmywaist,andhecaughtmejustasI’dstartedrunningaway.HischestcushionedmyfallandIgruntedwiththeforcehedrewmetohimself.Hecircledhisarmsaroundmeandwhisperedintomyear.
“Thankyouformakinghimlaugh,Lucy.But…”
Ididn’tmelt,nordidmyheartquicken.Notatall.Zilch.Ididn’tlikehimverymuchafterall.
“I’mafraidIhavetotakeyoudown.Aiden!”heshouted,andAidenappearedinfrontofus,holdinghisweaponhigh.
“Aiden!Mandown!Helpme,littlehuman!”Ishouted.
“Lethergo,Daddy!”
“Comeandgetherifyouwanthersomuch,”Adamreplied,andhisarmsgavemealightsqueezeasheleaneddownandsecretlypressedhislipsagainstmyneck.
Thesonofabitch!
“I’llsaveyou,Lucy!”
Feelingfree,safe,andhappy,IdroppedmyheadbackonAdam’sshoulderandoureyesmet.ThesmilethatwasstretchingmylipsslowlydisappearedwhenIsawthelookinhiseyes.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit!
“Youcan’tlookatmelikethat,”Iwhisperedasheslowlybackedusup.DespiteallthecoldwaterI’dshotathim,hisbodywassurprisinglywarmagainstmyback.Andfirm.Andmouthwatering.Andheart-quickening.
“Whynot?”
“BecauseI’mnotsupposedtolikeyou.”
Thesmilehegavemewassoftandthensuddenlyhisfingerswerelacedwithmineagainstmychest.“ButIlikeyouverymuch,Lucy.”
Andjustlikethat,beforeIcouldcursehim,therewascoldwaterallovermyface.
“Aiden!”IsputteredasAdam’schestshookwithlaughter.
“I’mshootingathim,Lucy!You’reinmyway!”
“Aimathisface!”Iyelledback.
“Hegotyou!”
“Heisright,”Adamrepeatedhisson’swords.“IthinkIgotyou.”
“Thinkagain,”Imutteredandgavehimapitifulpushwithmyelbow.Andthenanother.IwasprettysureIhurtmyselfmorethanIdidhim.Pathetic,Iknow…
Hepulledmeandwewerefallingback,anddarnit,butIwasstillinhisarmsandcouldn’tfinditinmetocomplain.
Wefellbackintothepoolwithabigsplash,andAdamletgoofme.Iswambacktothesurfaceandgaspedforair.AssoonasAdam’sheadwasabovethewater,Aidenstartedsprayinghimwithmorewater.IjoinedhissonandsplashedhimasmuchasIcould.
Adamliftedhisarmandwipedthewateroffhiseyes.Afteramockgrowl,heyelled,“I’mcomingforyou,Aiden.”
IlookedbehindmetoseeAidensquealingandrunningbackinsidethehouse.Itwasagoodthinghe’dremainedfairlydry;Iwould’vebetthehardwoodfloorsandallthosesoftcarpetshadcostAdamsomegoodmoney.WhenIturnedmyheadbackandsawAdamslowlyswimmingtowardme,Ipanickedandtriedmybesttogetawayfromhimuntilmybackhittheedgeofthepool.
AdamdroppedalittleunderwateruntilallIcouldseewerethoseglitteringgreeneyes.ThenbeforeIcouldcontrolmyheavybreathingandgivemyheartagoodshakesoitcouldgetitselftogether,hewasonme.Hisarmsheldontotheedgeandtrappedmeinbetweenhisbodyandthetiledwallofthepool
“First,you,”hesaidandmyeyesdroppedtohismouth.Hewasn’tbreathingashardasIwas,buthedidn’tlookallthatcalmeither.“Youhaveanythingtosay?MaybeanapologysoI’lltakeiteasieronyou?”heaskedandmyeyesjumpeduptohis.
“WhywouldIapologize?”
“Forambushingme.”
Itiltedmyheadandtappedatmylipsafewtimeswithmyindexfinger.“Nope.”
“Good.”
Andjustlikethathislipswereonmine.Igruntedandtriedtopushhischestoffme,butthenhishandsgrabbedoneofminefrombetweenusandlacedourfingersagain.
Damnhim.
Damnhimandhisskillfultonguethathadjustpusheditswayintomymouth
IstoppedstrugglingandkissedhimbackjustashardbecausewhowasIkidding?Hewasafreakinggoodkisser.Hegrowleddeepinhisthroatasifthecontactwasn’tenoughandhewasdyingtohavemore.Lettinggoofmyhand,hegrabbedmebythebacksofmythighsandsecuredmylegsaroundhiswaist.MyarmsroundedhisneckasIgotmoreintothekissandthen…
ThenIfelthiscock.
Holyshit!
Hiscockwasmostdefinitelynotasmallgun.Actually,itwasnowherenearfourinches.Hefeltthick;acockthatwasthatthickcouldn’tbeshort.Itwouldbemorethandisappointingifthatwasthecase;itwouldbealie!NotthatIhadreallythoughtitwouldbefourinchesanyway,butitwould’vemademylifesomucheasier.
JustwhenItightenedmylegsaroundhim—youknow,soIcouldtryandmeasurehowlongheactuallywasbyrubbingmyselfalloverhim—hepushedmylegsoffandstoppedkissingme.
HaveItoldyoulatelyhowmuchofanassholehewas?
SlowlyIopenedmyeyesandmethishypnotizinggreenones,whichwasveryhardtodoconsideringIwasfeelingmorethanalittledizzy.Myonlysavinggracewasthathewasbreathingjustashardasme.
WebothheardAiden’sexcitedvoiceatthesametime,andIlookedovermyshouldertowardthehouse.Hewasnowhereinsight,andIhopedhe’dlistenedtomeandhiddeninoneofthekitchencupboardsjustlikeI’dtoldhimtodoifthingswentsideways.
“Daddy,youcan’tfindme!I’mthatgood!”
IlookedbackatAdam.
Hehesitatedforasecond,butthenhiseyesmovedawayfrommine,andIswallowed.
Phew!Ithadbeenaclosecall.ThefactthatIhadn’trippedoffhiswetclothesorlickedanypartofhisbody—especiallyaspecificpartofhisbody—wasabigpersonalvictoryforme.
“Ifyoudon’tstayheretonight,Lucy,I’mbreakingintoJason’shouse,”hewarnedme,hiseyesfindingmineagain.
Myspinetingled.Hell,mywholebodytingled…especiallymyheart.
Itookashakybreathandfinallyspoke,“I’dlovetowatchyoutry.”
Heleanedinandpressedhismouthagainstmyskinwheremyshouldermetmyneck.Ifeltthesofttouchofhislips,hiswarmbreathashesoftlyexhaledonmydampskin.
Danger,Lucy.Run.Hideyourheart.
Didanyoneeverblowonyourwetskinwiththeirwarmbreath?No?Tryit,itdoesamazingthingstoyourovaries.
“Stayheretonight,andIpromiseI’llgiveyoubetterthingstowatch.”
Hepushedawayfromtheedgeofthepoolandme,andgotoutofthepooltogettohisson.
ChapterFourteenAdam
Shedidn’tlistentome.Ofcourseshedidn’t.
IopenedthedoorandenteredLucy’sroom.Shewassittingcross-leggedrightinthemiddleofthebed.Tobehonest,Iwasn’tallthatsurprisedtoseeherwaitingforme;itwouldbejustlikehertowaitandseeifIreallydiddowhatIsaidI’ddo.Whenshesawme,hereyeswidenedandasmallsmileplayedonherlips.
“Yousonofabitch!”shewhisperedinawe.“Youdidit.Youactuallybrokeintotheirhouse!”
Ihadn’t.However,Ididn’tseetheneedtocorrecther.I’dcalledJasonandaskedifhecouldletmeinsoIcouldtalktoLucy,andhewaskindenoughnottoquestionmyoddrequest—althoughhedidmurmur,“Goodluck,”afterpointingoutLucy’sroomtome.
InsteadofmentioningmyencounterwithJason,Ileanedmybackagainstthedoorandasked,“WhydidyousneakoutwhenIwenttoputAideninbed?”
Wehadwatched“HappyFeet”perAiden’srequestandhadafewslicesofpizzaeachwhilehechattedwithLucyallthroughoutthemovie,upuntilhefellasleeponthecouch.
“Dansaidhe’dleaveinafew,soIthoughtyoucouldusesomealonetimewithyourbodyguardandyourson.”Sheshruggedthendrewinadeepbreath.“Don’tjuststandthere,comeoninthen.”
“YouknowdamnwellAidenwasalreadyasleepwhenIcarriedhimaway,Lucy.AndIspecificallytoldyoutostaywithuswhenwewereinthepool.”
“Thepool,right.”
Westaredintoeachother’seyesforashortheartbeatthenshedroppedontoherback,stretchedoutherlegs,andopenedherarmsasifshewasgettingreadytobetieddown.
“Youcandoit,”shesaidwithasufferingsigh.
Confused,Iasked,“Icandowhat?”
“Well,”shebegan,hereyestrainedontheceiling.“Youbrokein,sonowIhavetosleepwithyou.Imean,ifIdidn’t,itwouldbecruelofme.Afterall,youdeserveit.”
WhenIdidn’tsayanything—becauseIwastryingveryhardtofollowherlogic—sheproppedherselfuponherelbowsandlookedupatme.
“Didn’tyoucomeheretofuckme?Whatareyouwaitingfor?Comeinandtakeme.Ishallenduretheprocess.”
Ihadtostopmyselffromlaughing.
“Tofuckyou?Youshallendure?”
Sheletoutadramaticsigh,andIsmiledbeforeshecouldcatchme.
“Youknow,havesex,bumpuglies,threadtheneedle,thelustandthrust,thehorizontalhula,dipyourfour-inchwick,burryyourfour-inchbone,thegrandslam—althoughwithafour-inchtool,I’mnotsurehowgrandit’dbe,but…I’mcuriousandready,solet’sdoit.”
Iwalkedfartherintotheroomandsatdownontheedgeofthebed,rightnexttoherhip.
Shefollowedmymovementsallthewaytoherside.AsmuchasshewastryingherbesttolooklikeavirginsacrificingherselfforGodknowswhat,I’dcaughtthewayshelookedatmeonmorethanafewoccasions.Morethanthat,shemusthaveforgottenthatIalreadyknewthatherbodypracticallyvibratedeverytimeItouchedher,thatshecouldn’tstopherselffrompressingherbodyagainstminewheneverIkissedher.Ifwedidenduphavingsex,it’dbenosacrificeforher.
“Youreallyhaveathingforfour-inchdicks,don’tyou?”
Sheraisedaneyebrow.“Ipreferbiggerones,thoughI’msureyourslookscuteonyou.”
Ismiled.
Shegavemeatentativesmileback.
“Soyouwantmetobumpuglieswithyou,huh?”
Herbrowsdrewintogether.“That’swhyyousaidtostayatyourplace,isn’tit?Imean,that’swhyyoubrokeinhere.”
“Actually,Iaskedyoutostayoversowecouldtalk,andsoIcouldthankyouforwhatyoudidforAiden.WhatyoukeepdoingforAidenandme.We,bothhimandI,reallyneededtoday.Ican’tsaybeingblastedwithcoldwaterwouldhavebeenmyfirstchoice,but…”
Forabriefmoment,disappointmentflashedacrossherbeautifulfeatures,butshewasquicktohideit.
Mylittleliar.
“Oh,”shemurmured.“Whenyoukissedmelikethatbackinthepool,Ithoughtyouwantedmetostaysoyoucoulddome.Andyou’rewelcome,Iloveseeingthelittleguylaugh.”
“You’remakingmedizzywithallthisromantictalk.”
“Idon’tdoromance,AdamConnor.”
“Thecurse,right?”
Shenodded,hereyesdaringmetomakefunofher.
Myeyesdroppedtoherpartedlips,andIcouldn’thelpmyself.Ireachedoutandgentlyranaknuckleacrossherlowerlip.Shestoppedbreathing.
“YoulikehowIkissyou?”
“You’reanawfulkisser,”sheforcedoutinawhisperassheshookherhead.
“Thatbad?”
“Theworst.”
“You’dneverkissmeagain,then?”
“Never.”
Ileanedinandsoftlykissedherlips…firstthetopone,thenthebottom.Hereyesflutteredclosed,andIsawherhandstightlygripthesheets.Keepingmyeyesonherface,Idrewbackandlickedmybottomlip.“Eventhatisbad?”
“Worstever,”shewhispered,hereyescrackingopen.
“Idon’twanttobeyourworst,Lucy.”
Shelickedherlipsandstayedquiet
“Youwantmetodoyou?”Iasked,lettingmyeyeswanderoverherbody.
Sheshiftedinplace.Shewasstillinthesameclothes:blackleggingsandaSupermanT-shirt.Thegrayshirtdidnothingtohidethefactthatshewasn’twearingabra.
“No.Idon’twantit.Becau—”
“Becauseyoudon’tlikeme,”Iguessed,forcingmyeyestolookawayfromtheoutlineofhernipples.
Shenodded.“But,sinceyoubrokeinhere,Ifeelobligated,likeyouearneddoingme.Thinkofitasyourprizeforbeingadventurousandgivingbreakingandenteringatry.”
IglancedawayandtriedtoappearlikeIwasthinkingitover.Istretchedmylegsoutonthebedandleanedagainsttheheadboard.
“Excuseme?Whatareyoudoing?”sheaskedwithasmallfrownonherface
“Gettingcomfortable.Comeon,liebackdown.”
“I’mfine,thanks.Whydon’tyougoandgetcomfortableinyourownbed,yourownhouse?”Suddenlyshestraightenedup,givingmeaharshlook.“Youdidn’t.”
Iarchedaneyebrow.“Ididn’twhat?”
“Youdidn’tleaveAidenaloneinthehouse.”
“Isthataquestionorfact?”
“Question.”
Irestedmyheadontheheadboardandclosedmyeyes.“That’swhyIlikeyou,LucyMeyer.OfcourseIdidn’tleavehimalone.Danisatthehouse.”
Shegrunted.“Whatexactlyareyoudoinghereifwe’renotgonnahavesex?”
“LikeIsaid,Icametothankyou,maybestealanotherkisswhilewe’reatit.”Iopenedmyeyesandturnedmyfacetoher.“SinceyoukeeptellingmeI’mabadkisser,I’mtryingtoimprovemyself.”
“AndI’myourguineapig?”
“Sinceyou’retheonlyonewho’sbeencomplaining…”
“Well,gotryyourmovesonsomeoneelse.I’mdonekissingyou.”
“I’llthinkaboutit.”
“Didyoucomeheretoirritateme?”
Iclosedmyeyesagain.“Didyouseethearticlesthathavebeenfloatingaround?ThephotosofAiden?”
Ifeltherhesitation,thenfeltthebeddip.WhenIlookeddown,Isawherlyingdownagain,herheadinlinewithmywaist.
“Yeah.Hardtomiss.”
“I’mfilingforsolecustody.Ineverwantthattohappenagainandaslongasheiswithher,Iknowitwillhappen.Maybenotnextmonthorthenext,buteventuallyitwillhappenagain.Istillhavetosendhimtoheruntilthejudgedecides,butIthinkthey’llbeonmyside.”
“AndAiden?HaveyouthoughtaboutAiden?”
“Whatabouthim?”
Sheturnedtomeandlookedintomyeyes.“It’shismother,youknow.Helovesher.Wetalked,andhesaidheonlyjumpedoutofthecareventhoughheknewhewasn’tsupposedtobecausehethoughtsheforgotabouthimandwouldbesadifshecouldn’tseehimanymore.Doyouthinkhe’llbeokaywithonlyseeinghereverynowandthen?Heisjustakid,Adam.Heneedshismom.”
“Doyouthink,evenforonesecond,thatshespendsanytimewithhim?Thatsheisagoodmom?Oh,shewas.Inthebeginning,Aidenwasherworld,butthenthemagicdisappeared.Shesaidshecouldn’tbondwithhimlikeshethoughtshewould.Sherealizeditwasn’twhatshewanted,wasn’twhoshewanted.TheonlyreasonshewasonthatplanetoNewYorkwithAidenwasbecausesheneededtoshowhimofftoadirectorsoshecouldgetarole,Lucy—whichshedidn’tget,bytheway.Iwon’tletherusemyson.”
Myson.
Hewasonlymine.
He’dalwaysbeenonlymine.
“Nothavingamothersucks,”Lucysaidquietly,breakingintomythoughts.“It’snotmyplacetosayanything.Iknowit’snotmyplacetosayanything,but…justbeforeyoudoanything,besurethatyou’redoingtherightthingforAiden,notforyourself.”
“He’llstillseeherwheneverhewants.I’mnottryingtostophimfrombeingwithher.Ijustwanttomakesureheissafewhileheisdoingthat.”
“YoushouldtalkaboutthiswithAiden,notme.Askwhathe’dthinkaboutstayingwithyoufulltime.”
“Heisfiveyearsold,nottwelve.”Ineededtochangethesubject.“Ifoundsomeonetolookafterhim.MeredithShay.Sheisforty-twoyearsold,hasgoodcredentials,andsheseemslikeahappyperson.Shesmilesalot,andIlikethat.Ithinkit’llworkthistime,butIknowAidenwouldstilllovetoseeyou.”
Asmallsmileplayedonherlipsasshelookedupattheceiling.“SoI’mgettingfiredfromthenannyjob.”
“Youneveracceptedanymoney,sotechnicallyitwasn’tajob.”
Shegruntedanddroppedbackonthebed.“Ifyou’reokaywithit,I’dstilllovetoseehimtoo.”
“Youlovehim,”Ipointedout.“Iwatchhowyouarearoundhim.Iwatchyou,andIcan’ttakemyeyesoffthatgirl,Lucy.I’mgladyou’renotworriedaboutyourcursewithhim.”
“Nowwho’sthestalker,Mr.Connor?”
IwaitedforhertomakeasnarkycommentaboutwhatI’djustsaid,butinsteadwesharedaheavysilence.
“Idolovehim,”sheconfirmedwithouthesitation.“Heisjustakid.Hedeservesallthelovehecanget.Andthecursedoesn’tworkthatway.I’mallowedtolovemyfriendsandbelovedbythem,andAidenismybestfriendatthemomentbecauseOliveispissingmeoff.Kinda.Butnotreally.”Shesighed.“Ijustcan’tfallinlovewithsomeonewhohasadick.AslongasIdon’tcareaboutaguytoomuch,I’llbefine.I’llbedifferentfromthem.Iwon’tbelikethem.Thecursewillendwithme.”
Thembeinghergrandmotherandmom.Bullshit,Ithoughttomyself.Shewasasuniqueasitcouldget,andwitheverypassingday,witheverysmileandunabashedlaugh,everysmirkandscowlthrownmyway,Iwasstartingtolikeherevenmore.
“Ithinkyourheartisbroken,Lucy,”Isaid,somethingIwassureshealreadyknewandtriedherverybesttohidefromeveryonearoundher.Ormaybeshewasn’tevenawareofitafterallthistime.
Shedidn’tlookatme,butIcaughtthesuddenrigiditytoherbody.I’dstruckanerve;thatwasgood.“Ithinktheybrokeyourheartaverylongtimeago,andyou’vebeenwalkingaround,notsurewhattodowithit,notsurewhoyoucantrusttotakecareofit,eversinceyouwerealittlekid.”
Verycarefullysherestedherarmsagainstherstomachandclaspedherhandstogethertightly.
“AndIthinkit’stimeforyoutogetthehellout.”
Shehadabeautymarkjustbelowherrighteye,soclosetoherlashes.I’dseenitthatfirstdayI’dgrabbedherwristandheldherclosetomybody.Likeeverythingelseabouther,eventhatsmall,inconspicuousdotintriguedme.Myeyesfoundit,andIstifledtheurgetoreachoutandfeelitwiththetipofmyfinger.
“I’mnotsayingittomakeyouupset,Lucy,”Isaidsoftly.
“You’renotmakingmeupset,Adam,”sheretorted.
“That’sgoodthen,”Isaidwhenitwasclearshewasshuttingdownonme
Idroppedmylegsdown,readytoleavehertoherthoughtsandgetbacktoAidensoDancouldleaveforthenight.Thenmyeyesfocusedonhers,andIchangedmymind.Mindyou,shewasn’tlookingatmeoranything.Hereyeswerestillfocusedontheceiling,andIrealizedIdidn’tlikethat.Ididn’tlikethatIwastheonewhohadcausedthatstiffnessinherbodywhenIwantednothingmorethantomeltthatsamebodyundermyhands.Butshewasn’treadyforit.Notyet.Shewouldbe.Butnotyet.
So,insteadofgettingupandleaving,ItwistedmybodysoIcouldgetclosetoher,placedmyhandnexttohershoulder,leaneddown,andstoppedwhenmylipswerecloseenoughthatshecouldeasilyfeelmyhotbreathagainstherskin.Shedidn’tmoveamuscle,butmoreimportantly,shedidn’tstopme.
Isighedandreachedouttotouchthebeautymarkunderhereye.Shehadmoreofthem,oneonthetipofhernose,oneclosetoherlip,onerightunderithiddenbytheshadowherlipcasted…justlikeshewashidingherheart.
“Whatdidyouwraparoundyourhearttoprotectyourself,beautifulgirl?”Iasked,lettingmyfingertiptraildownfromhercheektoherchin.Hereyescuttomine,andIknewIhadherattention.“Iseeyouunwrapit,whateveritisyouhavearoundyourheart,soIknowit’sthere.Youchangewhenyouarewithyourfriends,withAiden,butassoonasyoucan,youwrapitbackup.Ihopeit’snotasteelcage,Lucy.Ihopeyou’rebeinggentlewithyourheart,takingcareofitforme.”
Sheliftedherselfupandleanedbackonherhands,successfullypushingmeawayfromherface.Herscowlmeltedintoasmirk,buthereyeslookedvulnerable.“Wasthatlinefromoneofyourmovies?”
“Areyoujustacharacter,Lucy?Acharacterthatiswrittenbyothers?”Iasked.“Orareyouarealperson?”
Thescowlcameback.“OfcourseI’mreal.”
“Thendon’taskmestupidquestions.Idon’tneedtousemovielinestoimpresssomeoneI’mstartingtocareabout.”
“Soyouthinkyouimpressedme?YouthinkI’mthatgirlwho’dmeltatyourfeetjustbecauseyousaidsomethingsomeoneelsewrote?”
Insteadofanswering,Ikeptather.“I’maprettystraightforwardguy,Lucy.Idon’tplaygames.NotthatIcan’tordon’tenjoycertainones,butthiskindofgame”—Igesturedbetweenus—“Idon’twanttoplay.Wehaveoneshotatthislife,soI’mnotgonnaspendmytimeplayinggameswithanybody.I’mnotaboutthat.Whatyouseeiswhatyougetwithme,andthemoreIlookatyou,themoreI’maroundyou,themoreIlikewhatIsee.It’snotjustyourface,yoursmile,oryourbeautifuleyesthattellmeallkindsofstorieseverytimeIlookintothemlongenough.Ilikehowyouarewithmyson,howyouactuallyenjoyspendingtimewithhim,howyouenjoythebanterbetweenus.Ilikehowyouaretryingyourhardesttoprotectyourheartfrommeatthesametimeyou’retryingnottoshowhowharditistodoso.I’mtellingyouthatI’mgoingtogiveyouwhatyouwantfromme,whatyouwantedfrommefromthatfirstdayyouwatchedmeoverthatdamnwall.I’mgoingtosleepwithyou,LucyMeyer,andI’mgoingtokissyou,myunexpectedstalker.I’mgoingtokissyouwithouthavingtotrickyou,”Iannounced.Herconfusedeyesslidbacktome.“I’monlytellingyoubecauseIknowyouneedtoprepareyourselfforit.”
“Idon’tsleepwithguys.IfuckthemorletthemfuckmeandthenIaskthemtoleave.Andthanksforthepitysexoffer,butI’mnotinthemoodanymore.”
“That’sgood,becauseIdidn’tmeannow.I’mnotplanningonsleepingwithyouuntilyouadmitthatyoulikemetoo.I’mnotexpectingadeclarationoflovefromyou,butit’dbenicetohearsomethingotherthan‘Ihateyou’comingfromyourlips.”
Sheopenedhermouthtospeak,butIgottherebeforeher.
“Yes,Lucy,eventhoughIsentyouto‘prison’,youstilllikeme.I’msureit’seatingatyou,too.”Ismiledalittlewhenangersparkedinthosebeautifuleyes.
Ireacheduptotouchthebeautymarkclosesttoherlip,andsheslappedmyhandaway.Ichuckled.Itwasn’tahardslap.Withus,itwasprettymuchforeplayatthatpoint.
“Butwhenithappens—‘it’beingyouacknowledgingthefactthatyoulikeme—Ineedyoutounwrapthatprotectiveshieldaroundyourheart.Iwon’t…bumpuglieswithyouwhileyou’resobusytryingtoprotectyourheartthatyou’remissingwhat’shappeningaroundyou.”
“Nothingishappening,Adam.Whetherwedothegrandslamornot,nothingwilleverhappen.Idon’teventhinkIwanttobumpuglieswithyouanymore.IfeellikeI’dhavebetterluckfindingsomeonetogetmeoffonTinder.Ifyouthinkyoucanmakemefallinlovewithyou,youhaveanotherthingcoming.Isuggestyougetoveryourself.”
Sheturnedherfaceawayandattemptedtogetupfromthebed,butIcaughtherchinbetweenmythumbandindexfinger,andshestilled,halfofherbodyfacingawayfromme.
“Ihaveason,”Itoldher,statingsomethingsheofcoursealreadyknew.“Idon’tfuckaround.Ifwegetintobed,itwon’tbeaone-timething.I’mnotthatguy.Ifsomethinghappensbetweenus,I’llbeadifferentguyforyou.”
“Youweremarried;youdidn’thaveenoughtimetofuckaroundyet.Andfuckingaroundisfun.Beaguy,gohavefun.”
“It’sbeenawhilesinceIseparatedfromAdeline,Lucy.”Iletherchingo,andshesettleddown.“Ihadplentyoftimeandalotofopportunities.But,likeIsaid,Ihaveason.I’mnotplanningtoparadealonglineofwomeninfrontofhim.I’mnotgoingtobethatparentwholeaveshimwiththeassistantsandthenannieswhileI’moffshootingamovie,havingthetimeofmylifeinanothercountry.AndeveniftherewerenoAiden,I’veneverbeenthatguy.I’mnotthelifeoftheparty;thatneverinterestedme.You’renottheonlyonewhodoesn’twanttoendupliketheirparents.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”IttookherasecondtogetwhatImeantandwhenshedid,hereyesbuggedout.“Yourdadcheatedonyourmom?ThegreatNathanConnorcheatedonhisHelena?Andyouknewaboutit?”
“Theybothhadsexwithotherpeople,Lucy.Idon’tthinkthey’dcallitcheating.Theirideaofloveandmarriageisdifferentfromotherpeople.Theyworkedhardandbelievedtheyhadtherighttoplayhard,too.”Ishrugged.“Theirchoice.Doesn’tmeanIwanttofollowintheirfootsteps.IfIwantedtodothat,Iwouldn’thavemarriedAdeline.”
“Sotheyhadanopenmarriage.”
“Somethinglikethat.”
“Huh.Didn’tseethatcoming.Colormesurprised.”
Irelaxed.“Doyouwanttoknowwhatadirectortoldmeoneday?”
“IguessIhavetime.”
Ismiledandshookmyheadather.Shewasfullofit.“Itwasmyfirsttimeworkingwithhim.DouglasTrent.”Ilaydownnexttoherandourarmstouched.Shedidn’tpullaway.“IthinkIwaseighteenwhenwestartedshootingthemovie.ItwasoneofthebiggestrolesI’dgottensofar,andIwasworkingmyassofftoprovetoeveryoneonsetthatI’dauditionedandgottenthatrolebecauseI’ddeservedit,notbecauseofwhomyparentswere.”
“You’retalkingaboutthemovieTheFirstDay?”
“Yes.Greatcast.Bignames.Myfirstday,Iwaslatetotheset.Mysister…somethingcameup,andIcouldn’tleaveheraloneatthehouse.WhenIfinallymadeittoset,Douglasmetwithmeinmytrailerandlaiditouttome.Irememberhisno-bullshitattitudeanditimpressedme.Beforehim,everyonetriedtheirbestaroundmebecauseofmyparentsandtheirinfluenceintheindustry,soIknewnobodywould’vemindedifIwasanhourlateformyscenes.HetoldmethatbeforeIsetfootonhisset,I’dhavetodecidewhatmatteredtome,whatwouldmattertomeintenyears.DidIwanttobecomeaConnor,ordidIwanttobecomeAdamConnor.Thereisabigdistinctionbetweenthosetwo,andIwasshockedintosilencethathecouldseethataftermeetingwithmeonlytwice.Iwasimpressedbecausepeopleseeingthedifferencebetweenthosetwothingsisimportanttome.Don’tgetmewrong,myparentsweregreatactors,theystillare,but…that’sanotherstoryforanothertime.”
“Whatelsedidthedirectorsay?”Lucyasked.
“Hetoldmealotofthings.Therewasonebignameamongtheactorsthatdidn’tthinkIcouldshouldertheroleandkeepupwiththem.Wehadalotofscenestogether,andhedidn’tthinkIwastherightchoice,andwhenIwaslate,Ijustprovedhimright.SoDouglasaskedifIcouldhandleit:thehours,thework,everything.Heaskedmewhatmatteredtome.Wasittheinterviews,thefans,thepublicattention,thewomen,themoney?ItoldhimitwastheenergythatfilledmewhenIheardthewordsaction,itwasthecamera,thedirector,thecast,thescript.Itwasthecrew,thepreparationforarole.Thosewerethethingsthatmatteredtome.Sure,I’dtakethemoneyandthefansandtheinterviews—allthatcamewithbeinganactor,butthat’sjustit:thosearethethingsthatcomewithbeinganactor.Theyarenotwhatmatters.TheyarenotthereasonIdothis.IdothisformyselfbecauseIseemtohavethetalentanditiswhatIwanttodo.So,”IsaidfinallyasIturnedmyheadtoglanceather.“Whatmatterstoyou,Lucy?Wheredoyouseeyourselfintenyears?Willyoubebusymakingsurenoonetouchesyourheartagainjustsoyouwon’tenduplikeyourmomandgrandmother?Orwillyoubelivingyourownlifeonyourownterms?Isyourlifeaboutnotbeinglikethemorisityourownstory?”
“YoudoknowIjustbrokeupwithsomeone,right?It’snotlikeI’mnotcapableoflove.I’mjustpractical.Iknowwhatwillhappen,sowhystepoffthecliffifIknowI’mjustgonnafallintotheocean?AndlikeIjustsaid,Ididstepoffthatcliffjustafewmonthsagoandlookwhathappened.”
“Ineversaidyouaren’tcapableoflove.Andwhathappenedexactly?Soyoujumpedoffthecliffandtoldtheguyyoulovedhim.Thenyoufellintotheocean,andwhat?Didyoulovehimsomuchthatyouwillnevereverfallinloveagain?”
Sheletoutafrustratedsighandsentmeanannoyedlook.“It’snotthat.OfcourseIwalkedoutoftheocean.Justbecauseaguycastmeasidedoesn’tmeanI’mgonnawallowinmytearsandsecretlylovehimfortherestofmylife.”
Ipulledherdownandunderme,causinghertoreleaseasoundbetweenagaspandsqueak.
“Whatdoyouthinkyou’redoing?”sheasked.
“Ireally,reallylikeyou,LucyMeyer.SoI’mdoingsomethinking,”Ireplied,keepingmygazeonherface.
“Aboutwhat?”
“AbouthowlongI’llhavetowaituntilyougetoveryourhang-upsandIgettotouchyoulikeIwanttotouchyou.”
ShegavemealazysmileandbeforeIcouldtakemyeyesawayfromhersmilinglips,shesomehowmanagedtosurprisemeenoughtopushmeontomybackandmaneuverherselfoverme.ThenextthingIknewshewasstraddlingme—notallthewaydown,shemadesureourbodiesweren’ttouching,butshewascloseWewereclose.Ilaythere,completelyshocked,completelyhard,andutterlypleasedwithher.I’dletherdowhatevershewasplanningtodountilIhadtostopher.Iwasn’tinterestedinplayingwithher,notlikeshewantedto.Ormaybethatwaswrong.Iwasveryinterestedinplayingwithher,exactlylikeshewantedto,butnotonherterms.Notaquickfuck.Notwheneverywordoutofhermouthturnedmeonbeyondanyreason.
Sheplacedherhandsoneithersideofmeonthebed,leaneddownwithherbody,causingherboobstopressagainstmychest,andstoppedwhenherlipswereonlyinchesawayfrommine.Myhandsfoundherhips,andIlightlyheldheraboveme.“You’resosureofyourself,aren’tyou?”shewhispered.“Probablyalwayshadgirlsthrowingthemselvesatyousinceyouwerewhat,fourteen,fifteen?Well,newsflash,HotDad,I’mnotyourfan,notanymore.”
Sheliftedherboobs,casthereyesdown,andlookedinbetweenourbodies.Ididn’thavetofollowhereyestoseethatmyhard-onwasnoticeable.Shehadnoideawhatshewasgettingherselfinto.
Itightenedmygriponherhipsandpulledherslightlyforward.Sheliftedhereyesbacktomine,andIwatchedherthroatworkassheswallowed.Shemusthaverealizedshewaspressingherboobsagainstmychestbecausesuddenlyshejerkedherbodyupwardanddidherbesttoavoidtouchingmybody.
“Whydon’tyouhaveaseat,Lucy,”Isuggested,fightingtheurgetoripherpantsoffandguideherdownontome.“Getcomfortable.”
Shepressedherlipstogetherandkepthoveringoverme.
JustwhenIthoughtshewasabouttoclimboffme…“DoyouknowwhatIlike,AdamConnor?”sheaskedandkepttalkinginsteadofwaitingforananswer.“Iliketattoos;Ifindthemtobeverysexyonmen.Like,Igiveyoupermissiontoripmyclothesoffandtakemerightwherewearestandingkindasexy.Ialsolikeabigcockbecauseitfeelsamazingwhenaguyknowshowtouseit.”Sheleanedinfarther.“Youhavenoidea…noideawhatsoeverhowmuchIloveabig,hardcockthatcangiveagood,roughfuck,Adam.ThewayitfeelswhenIcomeonthem,aroundthem…likeit’stoomuch,butnotenoughatthesametime.”Herlipsstoppednexttomyear,andshereleasedasmallmoanthatcamefromdeepinherthroatandreachedrightdowntomydick.“Andbelieveme,theymakemecomeveryhard,”sheadded.
Iclosedmyeyesandsmiledbeforeshecouldcatchit.Sheliftedherheadandkepttalking,notrealizingthatshewasdiggingherselfdeeperintome.Therewasnothing,nothingthatcouldeverbesexierthanawomanwhoknewwhatshewantedfromamaninbed,whodidn’thaveanyissueswithsharingwhatgotheroff,orhowshewantedtogetoff.AndLucyMeyerwasalreadydangerouslysexyinmybook.
Rightatthatmoment,LucyMeyerwaspushingherselfundermyskinwithoutevenrealizingit,andIwasabouttopushmyselfrightunderhers,evendeeperthanIalreadyhad.
“Ilikeamanwhoknowswhathecandowithhistongue,hishands,andhiscock.Ilikeamanwhomakesmebegformore,whomakesmeburnforhim,overandover.”Shekeptgoing.“He’llhavetoknowhowtotakeeverythingfromme.”Shepattedmychestwithherhandandhertonechangedasshebackedoff.“You’renotthatguy,AdamConnor.Youlooklikeyoucouldbethatman,butno,you’renot.”
“YoureallythinkI’mnotthatman?”
Shenodded.“I’llevengiveyouanexplanationfreeofcharge.Firstofall,you’renotagoodkisser.Youmakemefeelnothingatall.Welearnedthatthehardway.Andwealsoestablishedthefactthatyouhaveasmallcock.Smallforme,”shecorrectedhastily.“I’msuresomegirlswouldbeintothatsinceyou’reamoviestarandall.Andhands…”Shelickedherlips.“Okay.Youhavebighands.I’llgiveyouthatmuch.ButI’mdoubtfulyouknowhowtousethemproperly.”Standingonherknees,shestraightenedup.“So,asyoucansee,wedon’tmatch.You’reagoodactorandall,butIneedmorethangoodactinginbed.”
Sheliftedherkneetogetoffme,andIusedthatmomenttotakebackthebitofcontrolI’dletherhave.
Shedroppedtoherbackwithashockedgaspandthistimeitwasmehoveringoverher,inchesawayfromherlips.
“YouwanttohearwhatI’dliketodotoyou,Lucy?WhatI’mgoingtodotoyouwhenyoustopwithalltheacting?”
“Goody.Can’twaittohearit.”Herwordscameoutbreathlessly.
Inudgedthesideofhernosewithmyownandgentlyforcedhertobarehernecktome.Thenquietlyandunhurriedly,againstherthroat,Isaid,“First,I’mgoingtokissyouuntilyouforgetyourveryownname,LucyMeyer.Idon’tcareifittakeshourstotasteeveryinchofthisbeautifulmouth,Iwon’tstopkissingyouuntilyou’readrippingmessformeandyourheartisbeatingoutofyourchestwithexcitementaboutmykiss.”Icurvedmyhandrightunderherneckandletmythumbgentlycaressthesoftskin.Hereyesglazedoverwithlust.“WhileI’mstillkissingyou,Lucy…”Iwhispered,ghostingmymouthrightoverhers.Herlipsparted,andIrealizedhereyeshadalreadyclosedontheirown.You’renotthatguy,myass.
“I’mgoingtoundressyousoIcantoucheveryinchofyourbody.Withmylips,myhands…”IkissedapathdownfromtheedgeofherlipstothenecklineofherT-shirtandletmyhandtraveldowntoherwaist.WhenIreachedthehem,Iorderedmycocktoignoreherharshintakeofbreathandreachedunderhershirttotouchherskin.“Sosoft,”ImurmuredasIpressedmylipsrightunderneathherearandletmypalmwanderupward,slowlyheadingtowardherbreasts.
Herbreathingquickened,andsheopenedhereyes.
Storms.Twobeautifulstormslookingrightintomysoul.
Shewasangry,Icouldseethatmuch,butshealsolookedhungry,soIgaveinandgentlykissedherlips.Myhandtightenedaroundherwaistwhenshestartedshiftingherhipsunderme.Hertonguecameouttowetherbottomlip,andIsoftlybitintoit,pullingalowmoanfromher.
“Justasmalltaste,”Isaid.“Justtoholdyouover.”Herscowlcamebackinfullforce.“MaybeI’llputmycockrightinhereandletyouhaveatastebeforeIdoanythingelse.OrmaybeIwon’t.MaybeIwon’tbeabletostopmyselffromgoingdeepinsideyoubeforeImakeamessinyourmouthandwatchyouswallowitall.”
“WhosaidI’dswallow?”sheaskedasherhandsmadelittlefists.
Igrinned—Icouldn’thelpit—andwatchedhereyesflickovertomymouth.“Oh,youcan’twaittoswallowitallup,canyou,Lucy?JustlikehowIcan’twaittolickeveryinchofyourpussy.”
Secondstickedbyaswestaredateachother.
Finally,sheswallowed.“Whatelsewouldyoudo?Notthatyou’llgetachance,justcurious…”
“Oh,I’lldoalotofthingstoyou,Lucy.I’lldefinitelyletyoudoalotofstufftome,too,becauseIknowyou’llenjoygettingyourhandsonme.”Ilookeddownatherbodywheremyhandhadpulledhershirtup,andIcouldseethebareskinofherstomach.Don’taskmehowImanagedtostopmyhandfromgoinghigher,butIdid,andcoveredherupagain.
“ToobadIcan’tjusttearoffyourclothesandshowyouhowmanythingsIcanmakeyoufeelifonlyyouletme,howloudIcanmakeyoucryoutwhenIoverwhelmyouinthebestpossiblewayasyourprettylittlepussycontractsaroundme,”Imurmured,lookingintohereyes.“Ibetyouhaveagreedypussy.Ibetyou’dbegmetogiveyoumore.”IfIthoughtseeingandtouchingherbareskinwastoomuchtemptation,thelookIsawinhereyeswasthekillingblow.“ToobadIneedtoleaveandcan’thaveyoutomyselfallnight.”
ShecockedherheadandpulledherselfuponherelbowsasIleanedawayfromher.Andthenshewaspushingagainstmychestandclimbinguponmeagain.
“Youshouldstopdoingthat,”ImumbledasIreacheduptoholdherhairawayfromherface,awayfromthosebeautifuleyesIcouldn’tseemtolookawayfrom.Seeinghercheeksslightlyflushedandherchestrisingandfallingwithdeepbreathsmademyalreadyharddickjumpinmypants.
“Areyoureadytoadmithowmuchyoulikeme?”
Sheshookherhead.“EverytimeItellmyselfmaybeIdon’thatetheguy,yougoanddosomethingtoshowmethatIactuallyhateyouverymuch.”
Surprised,Iasked,“WhatdidIdonowtoearnyourhate?”
“You’respeaking.Andtouchingme.Andwhispering.Andleaningintooclose.Andlookingintomyeyes.You’remakingyourvoicegoallthroaty.Stopit.WhenItellyouwecan’thavesex,youtalkaboutmyheartandallthisstuffthatisn’tyourconcern.”
Iletgoofherhairandraisedmyhandsupinsurrender.
“Ididn’tknowyouwantedtohavesexwithmethatbad,Lucy.”
Shegroaned.“Idon’t!That’smypoint.Butyoumademetalkaboutbigcocksthatknowwhatthey’redoingand…”Unexpectedly,shegrabbedmywristandpushedmyhandrightinherpants.
Icould’vestoppedher.Icould’vepulledherdownonmeandtoldhertobehaverightbeforeItookherlipsinacrushingkiss.Icould’vedonealotofthingsinsteadofcurvingmyfingersandlettingthemslipintoherslickheat,butshewastoointriguing,andIwastoodamncurioustoseehowshewouldexplainherdrippingwetnesswhileinsistingshefeltnothingwhenIputmyhandsandlipsonher.
“Sothishappened,”sheexplainedlamelyinabreathyvoice.
“Lookatthat,”Imurmured,softlyplayingwithherpussylipsandclit,spreadingherwetnessalloverher.“ThishappenedbecauseImadeyoutalkaboutcocks?”
Shenoddedeagerly,andmyeyesfelldowntoherhands,whichwerestillgrippingmywristinanefforttokeepmyhandinplace.
“IguessIshouldapologizeforthis,”Irelented,pushingmymiddlefingeralittledeeperuntilitpassedthroughhertightmuscles.“Formakingyouthiswet,Imean.”
Shetippedherheadback,justslightly,andherhipsjerked,pullingmyfingerindeeper.
“Youdidn’tmakemewet,”shewhispered,releasingasmallmoanwhenIswirledmyfingerinsideherandthenroughlypushedallthewayin.Thewayherbodycamealiverightinfrontofmyeyes,thewayshebitherbottomlipasasmallgaspescapedherlips…everylittlethingshedidwaspullingmerighttotheedgeofinsanity.
“Ididn’t?”Ipulledmyfingeroutofhertightpussyandranmyfingeroverandaroundhersensitiveclit.“That’stoobadthen.”BeforeIcouldtakemyhandoutofherpanties,shestoppedme.
“Wait!Wait!”
“Yes?”
Shescowledatmeandletoutafrustratedsigh.“ThisiswhyIdon’tlikeyou.”
Ipulledmyhandout.
“Wait!Goddamnit!”Determined,shegrabbedmywristandpusheditbackin.God,hereyesreallydidsomethingtome,thatdeterminedbutunfocusedlookcombinedwiththatstormycolor.Shewasastormallonherown.Hell,she’dbeenahurricaneeversinceshehadtumbledintomylife.
“Fine.Fine,yourvoicedidmein,”sheadmittedfinally.
“Hmmm,”Imurmured,gentlypushingmyfingerbackintoherpussy.“Youlikemyvoice,andmyhand.Foragirlwhoclaimsshehatesme,youseemtolikealotofthingsaboutme.”
“Justyourhandandyourvoice.Everythingelseaboutyou…Ihateit.”
Pressingmyfreehandagainstherback,Iflippedherundermeagain.
“Hateisaverystrongemotion,Lucy.Andyouknowwhattheysayaboutloveandhate:it’dbesoeasyforyoutotipoverthatedgeintolove.”
Sheopenedherlegstomewillinglyandthengotinmyface.“Keepdreaming.”
Ismiledather.
“We’llsee.”
Wideningherlegsabitmore,Ipushedanotherfingerinsideherburningheatandwatchedhereyeslosefocusagain.
“Ithink—”
Sneakingmyfreehandunderherneck,IheldhermouthtomineandkissedthewordsoutofhermouthwhileIenjoyedherarousalsoakingmyfingers.EverytimeIkissedher,Icouldhearthebloodhumminginmyveins.Andmorethanthat,Icouldfeelhertremblingunderme,herbodyvibratingwiththeneedshewastryingherbesttoconceal.
EventhoughIknewitwouldpissheroff,Ihadtotakemyraginghard-onandleave.SoIpulledmyfingersoutofherpussy,grippedherchin,anddeepenedthegentlekissIwasgivingherjustbeforeIletherlipsgoandgotupfromthebedtosauntertothedoor.
“What?”shemumbled,lookingupatmeinconfusion.“Whatareyoudoing?”
Damnthosebeautifulboobsofhers.ThewayIcouldseethoseperfectnipplesmovingupanddownasherchestmovedwithherlaboredbreathswaspushingmycock’spatiencetoitslimits.“Goodnight,Lucy.”
Herfacesobered,andshegavemeablanklook.“You’releaving?Now?”
“I’dlovenothingmorethantolistentoyoumoanundermeallnightasIburymycockinacertainpartofyourbody,butyoudon’tevenlikeme,remember?TellmeyoulikemeandmaybeI’llchangemymind.”
“Idon’tlikeyou.”
Inodded.“That’swhatIthought.Besides,IneedtogetbacktoAiden.”
WhensheheardAiden’sname,hershouldersseemedtorelaxabit,andshepulledherkneesuptohugthemagainstherchest.“Soyouweren’tplanningonstayingevenifIliedandsaidIlikedyou.Nice.Whatastandupguy.”
Ishruggedandopenedthedoor.“Maybenot.ButIwould’vedefinitelytakenyouwithme.”
“Iwouldn’thavecome.”
Steppingoutofherroom,Ilookedbackatherandsmiled.“Ithinkyouwould’ve,mylittlestalker.Actually,Ithinkyouwouldhavecomemoretimesthanyoueverdidwithanyotherguy.”
Hereyesnarrowed,andshepausedasifshewasn’tsureifsheshouldspeakthenextwords,butitdidn’ttakelongbeforeshedid.Ifoundmyselfwonderingifsheeverheldanythingback.“ThankyouforstoppingbeforeIcouldmakeabigmistake.”
Damnit,butwitheverywordoutofhermouthsheissuedanewchallengeIjustcouldn’tnotaccept.Andthatwasthebiggestturnonforme—afterherbeautifulface,thosestormyeyes,andthosenipples,ofcourse…andIguessitwouldn’tbefairtoleaveoutherperfectass.
“You’rewelcome,”Iagreedreadily.“Youmightbeontosomething.Iwasn’tsureyoucouldkeepupwithmeorsatisfymeenough,anyway.I’dhatetotryandfakeitjusttoprotectyourdelicatefeelings.”
Iheardherlittlegrowlandclosedthedoorbeforethepillowshethrewcouldhitmeintheface.
Icouldn’twaittowatchthosebeautifuleyesofhersrollbackinherhead.
ChapterFifteenLucy
“Olive.”
“Olive,wakeup.”
Nothing.Notevenagroan.
“Olive.Olive.Olive.”
Finallyagroan.“Goaway,Lucy.”
“Youhavetowakeup,”IsaidasIstartedpushingbothofmyhandsonthebedtomakeherbounceonit.
“GivemeagoodreasonandI’llconsideropeningmyeyes,”shemumbled,turningawayfrommeandhuggingthepillowtightertoherself.
“BecauseIwokeup.”
“Yeah.Idon’tthinkso.Nicetry,nowgoaway.”
“Olive.”
“Lucy.”
Isighedandgotonthebed.“Olive,wakeup.”
“Lucy,goaway.”
Thistimeitwasmewhogroaned.
“That’snothowweplaythegame,Olive.Icometoyourroomtowakeyouupandyouwakeup.AndIcan’tevenlieonyourboobiesandgetcomfortablebecauseyou’relyingontopofthem.Squishingthem.Killingthem.Haveaheart,woman!”
“WhatdidyoudotoJason?”
“WhatdidIdotohim?Wereyoudreamingofushavingathreesome?”Igaveheragentlepushandsettleddowntolienexttoher.“I’mflatteredthatyouchosemetoplayaroleinyourfantasies,mygreenOlive.Givemeallthedetails.”
Shereleasedalongsigh.“You’renotgoingaway,areyou?”
“Umm…”Ipulledoneofherpillowsfromunderherhead.“Nope.”
“That’swhatIthought.Okay.”Sheacceptedtheinevitableandploppedontoherback,hittingthecoversalittletooenthusiasticallyformytaste.“Whattimeisit?”
“Ninesomething.”
“Really?Well,that’safirst.Youusuallywakemeupatamoreungodlyhour.”
“See?”Ibumpedhershoulderwithmine.“Icanbenice.I’magoodfriend.”
“Okay.NowthatI’mawake…whyamIawakeagain?”
“BecauseIhavenews.”
“Goodnewsorbadnews?”OliveaskedassheliftedthecoverssoIcouldgetunderthem.AsmuchassheactedlikeshehatedwhenIwokeherupearly,IknewshelovedmyvisitstoherbedroomjustasmuchasIdid.
Okay,maybenotasmuchasIdid,clearly,butshelovedthemnonetheless.
IthoughtaboutthethingsIwantedtosharewithherandcouldn’tdecideiftheywerebadnewsorgoodnews.Definitelyafewgoodones,butmaybeacolossalbadonethatwouldeclipseallthegoodnews?Iwasn’tgoingtothinkaboutthatoneuntilIwasforcedto.
“Afewgoodones,maybeafewbadones,too?”Iventuredwithoutcommittingtoanything.
“Okay.Hitme.”
“Whichonedoyouwantfirst?”
“Givemeallthegoodonesfirst.”
Inodded.Goodchoice.“ThebestoneamongallthegoodonesisthatIgotyou…”Idrewoutthewordandpausedjusttobuildupmoretension.
“Yes…yougotme…?”
“Igotyou…afreakingAUDIOBOOKdealforSoulAche!”
Shesatupinbedandlookedatmewithbigeyes.“Wehaveadeal?”
“Yup.Wegotone.Andthat’snoteventhebestpartaboutit.”Havingtroublecontainingmyenergy,Isatupandcrossedmylegs.
“Tellmealready!”
“You’regoingtobethenarrator!”
Herfacefell.“What?Thenarrator?WhywouldIbethenarrator?”
“Becausewhowouldreadyourbookbetterthanyou?”
“Lucy.No.”
Ipushedathershoulder,andshestaggeredback.“Olive.Yes.”
Shakingherhead,shegotoutofthebed.“Noway.I’mnotdoingthat.”
Iwatchedherpacethelengthofthebedandletoutalongbreath.“Yes,youwill.Andyouwannaknowwhyyou’lldoitwiththebiggestsmileonyourface,mygreenOlive?”
“Oh,please,enlightenme.”
“Becauseyourfreakinghusbandisyourco-narrator,that’swhy.”
Thepacingstopped,andIhadtroublecontainingmygiddysmile.
“Jason?He’llreadwithme?Youtalkedtohimaboutthis?”
“OfcourseIdid.AsmuchasIthinkIshouldhavetheright,sinceIpracticallygaveyoutohimwrappedupinaprettylittlepackage,Ican’tmakedecisionslikethatinhisname.SoItalkedtohimafewdaysagoandconsideringthesizeofthatsmilehegaveme,hereally,andImeanreallylikedthatidea.Thepublisherlovedittoo,sooo…it’sago!”
Sheclimbedonthebedagain,sittingonherheelsandwearingthecutestgrinonherface.“You’reagenius,Lucy.Ilovethatidea.Idon’tlikethefactthatI’mgonnabereadingit,butmeandJason…Iloveit.”
Ismiledbackather.“You’rewelcome,mylittlegreenOlive.AtfirsttheywereconcernedaboutpayingJason,buthedoesn’twantanything,sothedealisonlyfortheaudiorightsforSoulAche.You’regettingaverybigchunkofanadvanceforit.Imadesureofthat.”
“Sothatmeansyou’regettingabigchunkofcommission,too.”
Ifurrowedmybrows.“Uh,no.I’mjusthelpingyou.AndIactuallylikehavingthetitleoftemporaryagent,soI’mkeepingthat,butyeah,I’mnottakingyourmoney.”
“Yes,youare.Whythehellwouldyouspendsomuchtimetalkingtosomanypublishingcompanies?”
“BecauseI’mhelpingyou.”
“Yes.Becauseyou’regoodatthisstuff.Withnumbers,withgettingpeopletodowhatyouwantthemtodo.Andyoucareaboutmywork.Youcareaboutmycharactersandyouwantthebestforme.Idon’tthinkthereisabetteragentthanyouforme,soI’mkeepingyouandyou’rekeepingyourcommission.”
Inarrowedmyeyesatherandconsideredherwords.Imean,Ididneedajob,thatwasalreadyanestablishedfact,buttakingmoneyfrommybestfriend…Ididn’tcareforthatideaallthatmuch.Shewasmybestfriend,mysisterfromanothermister.I’dhelpherasmuchasIcouldandtrulyenjoyedhelpingherwithanythingsheneeded,butwhen—
Olivesnappedherfingersinmyface,breakingintomythoughts.“Thereisnothingforyoutothinkabout.Iaskedyoutobemyagent.Agentsgetpaid.Yougotadealforme,whichmakesyouofficiallymyagent.Notatemporaryone.Ididn’tevenaskyoutogetmeanaudiobookdeal,yetyoustilldid.You’remyagent,Lucy.Andyougettwenty-fivepercent.”
“Twenty-fivepercent?Areyoucrazy?Doyouevenknowhowmuchofanadvanceyou’regetting?”
WasIreallyconsideringtakingmoneyfrommyfriend?Andthatamountofmoney?Ididn’tthinkso.
“That’saroundwhatagentstake.Everybookdeal,audiodeal,foreignrights,orwhateveryougetinfrontofmetosign,you’llgettwenty-fivepercentofit,bothfromtheadvanceandtheroyalties.”
Feelinguncomfortable,Ishookmyheadandshiftedinplace.“Noway.”Nofreakingway,thatwastoomuchmoney.“Twenty-fiveistoomuch.Don’tgivethatmuchofyourmoneytoanyone.”
SheshruggedasifIwastheonewhowastalkingnonsense.“You’remyagent.You’lllookoutformeandgetmethebestdealspossible.Youalreadydidit.Idon’tknowwhywe’restilltalkingaboutthis.IwouldnevereventhinkofsuggestingthatIcouldnarratethebookwithJason.EvenifIdidthinkofthat,Icouldhardlygetthemtosayyesonit.Also,JasonalreadyplayedIsaac,areyousurehiscontractwouldn’tbeaproblem?”
“Wayaheadofyou.Ialreadytalkedaboutthatwithhisagent.Tomsaiditwouldbeagoodpromotionforthemoviewhenit’soutonDVD.Andhecheckedthecontracttomakesure,too.Everythingisokayonthatfront.”
“See?”Shepushedmyshoulderwithherindexfinger—alittletoohard.“Youalreadythoughtofeverything.You’remyagent.”
“Yeah,”Irelentedandrubbedthespotshehadjustpoked.“I’managentwhodoesn’tevenhaveanARCofyournextbook.Whatanagent.MaybeyoushouldaskJasminetobeyouragent.”
WasIstillalittlejealousaboutthat?Yeah,maybe.Sowhat?
Oliveextendedherhandandgesturedwithherchinformetotakeit.SoItookit.
“Twenty-fivepercent.”
Isighed.“Tenpercent.”
Shegavemeaboredlook.“Twenty-fourpercent.”
Ithinkyoucanguesshowlongittookustoagreeonanumber,butincaseyou’renotsure,along,longtime.Therewasalotofhandshakingalongwithnoddingandsomemoreheadshaking.Attheendofit,weagreedonfifteenpercentandthatwasit.
“Nowcanwegotosleep?”sheaskedwithahopefullook.“Maybeashortnap?”
Itackle-huggedher,andwefellontothepillows.“We’reworkingtogether.”
Shelaughed.“Yes.Icanalreadyhearthedistantsoundofyoucrackingthewhip.”
Iletoutanotherlongsigh.“Alwaysthinkingtheworstofme.I’mbeingverynicetoallthepublishers.”
“Iloveitwhenyoucrackthewhip,soit’sallgood.Wouldn’twantanyoneelsetobemyagent.Youknowwhatyoushoulddo?”
“What?”
“YoushouldcallCatherineandletherknowyougotajob.”
Igazedattheceiling,mystomachturning.“Idon’tthinkshe’dbehappytohearthatatall.Shereallywantedmetotakethataccountingjob.”
FeelingOlive’seyesonme,Ididmybesttolookunaffected,butsheknewmeenoughtoseethroughit.
“Okay.Ishouldn’thaveevenbroughtherup.Mybad.”
Imadeanoncommittalsoundandtriednottothinkaboutanyofthebadstuff.“Allright,areyoureadyforthesecondpieceofgoodnews?”
“Nonapping,then?Fine.Hitme.”
“Nonappingbecausewe’regoingouttocelebratetheaudiobookdeal.”
“Mimosas?”
Alcohol…Iwasn’tsureIcoulddothat.Iwantedtodrinkallthealcohol,allthetequilaIcouldgetmyhandson,butIwasveryafraidthatIwasn’tgoingtobeabletodothatforquitesometime.InoddedanywayandthankedallmystarsthatOlivedidn’tquestionmysilenceandleftitatthat.
“Nowbeforeacelebratorybreakfast,thesecondpieceofgoodnewsisthatIhaveamuch,muchbigger,likeahumongous-lybigdealI’mtryingtofinalizebeforeItellyouaboutit,andthethirdpieceofgoodnewsisthatIfoundanapartment!”
Oliveproppedherselfuponherelbowandlookedatmewithapoutymouth,lookingallsadandheartbroken.“What?You’releaving?”
Iturnedontomysidetofaceher.“DidyouhearwhatIsaidaboutthehumongous-lybigdeal?No?”
Shekeptstaringatme,soIrolledmyeyes.
“I’vebeenhereforweeks,Olive,andI’vebeenlookingforasmallapartmentsincethedayIgothere,Ijusthadn’tfoundanything.”
“Andnowyouhave.Where?”
“Closertoouroldapartment.Youremembertheteashopthatclosed?Theonewhereyoudumpedacupofteaovermyheadandgotuskickedout?Twoblocksfromthat.It’sstillclosetoUSC,soIthinkI’mgonnalookintogettingaroommate.”
Sheeyedmesharply.“Ididn’tdumpitoveryourhead.Itrippedandfell.”
“Yes.Youfellonme.Whenyouhadahotcupofteainyourhand.”
“Itwasn’thot.Ithadcoldmilkinit.Anyway,yousurvived.Andyoushouldn’tleavenow.Notwhenyou’regettingclosertoAdamandAiden.”
Isnortedandletoutanot-so-ladylikelaugh.“GettingclosertoAdamConnor?Areyoukiddingme?IhatehimevenmorethanIdidafewdaysago.”
“Why?Becauseheisn’tdoingthosepushupsanymore?”
Jesus!Evenmyownfriendwastakingthatself-absorbedbastard’sside.Isankbackintothebed.
“Sodisappointedinyourightnow,mygreenOlive.Ibetyouwon’tfeelalllovey-doveytowardhimwhenyouhearthathebrokeintoyourhouselastnight.”
Hmmm,maybeIcouldconvinceOlivetopresschargesagainsttheHotshotMovieStar.Now,wouldn’tthatbeagreatplottwist!Andsuchgreatrevenge,too.However,Olivewasquicktokillthosebeautifuldreams.
“Hedidn’tbreakin.HecalledJason,andhelethimin.AndIwasrightontheothersideofyourdoorafterhesneakedintoyourroombecauseIhadtolistenandlearnwhyhewashere,butJasonpulledmeaway,andIcouldn’thearadamnthing.Sospillalready.Didherockyourworld?”
“Wedidn’thavesex,”Imumbledundermybreath.
“Notforyourlackoftrying,Iassume?”
IgnoringOlive,Ireachedforherphoneonthebedsidetableandcheckedthetime.
“Lookatthat,weneedtoheadout.Idon’twanttobestuckintrafficuntillunchtime.Mystomachisgrumbling;Ineedfood,maybewaffles,maybeeggs,maybecroissants,maybealloftheabove.Ialsoneedcoffee.ThenI’llprobablyneeddessert.Comeon,lazyhead.”Ijumpedoutofbedandsmackedherwithoneofthepillows.“We’regoingouttocelebrate.”
“I’llneverunderstandyourenthusiasmformornings,Lucy.”ShepulledthepillowoutofmyhandwhenIwasabouttosmackher—lightly,ofcourse—againandpushedherhairoutofherface
Justasshewasrollingoutofthebed,shestoppedandturnedtomewithafrown.“Yousaidyouhadgoodnewsandbadnews.Younevertoldmethebadnews.”
Iavoidedeyecontactandplayedwiththeedgeofthecoverstohavesomethingtooccupymyselfwith.“Let’sjustsaywehavetoswingbyTargettogetsomething.I’lltellyouallaboutitafterthecelebratorybreakfast.I’mdyingfromhunger,comeon.”Ithrewthecoveratherface.“Stoptorturingmeandgetup.”
“Jesus.Fine.”Sheflungthecoversandhoppeddownfromthebedafteralongstretchandyawn.“Whattimeisit?”
“Maybearound…eight-ish,”IsaidovermyshoulderasIwalkedtowardthedoorwithquicksteps—everyoneneedsaheadstartwhentheyarerunningawayfromanangryfemale.
AsIreachedthedoorframe,shedroppedherhands,veryslowly,andlookedatmewithmurderinhereyes.So,obviouslyIsmiledather.Big.“It’scalledbreakfastforareason,ithastohappenveryearly,Olive.Don’tbemadatme.”
“IfIwereyou,I’dstartrunning.”
AFatherFightingforHisSon:AnotherCustodyBattle?
RememberthelasttimewementionedwewerehearingrumorscirclingaroundaboutthepossibilityofacustodybattlebetweenAdamConnorandAdelineYoung?Well,thedayhascome,folks.Thebattlehasbegun.
Now,usuallywhenacelebritycouplegoesthroughacustodybattle,werelyonsourcesclosetothecoupletospillaboutwhatgoesonbehindthosecloseddoors,becausewhodoesn’tlikeahealthydoseofdramawhenitcomestothelivesoftheirfavoritecelebrities?Butinthiscase,wethinkthereasonbehindthisnewdevelopmentisprettyobvious,wouldn’tyouagree?
Yesterday,AdamConnorreleasedastatementsayinghehadnothingagainstthemotherofhischild,buttoensurehisson’ssafetyinlightofrecentevents,hewasfilingpaperstorequestprimarycustodyofhisson,AidenConnor.Theonlycommentthataddressedthepaparazzimessinthestatementwasmadeinonesinglesentence:“Understandably,Aidenisstilluneasyaboutwhathappened,butheisdoingbetter.”
Hollywood’shottestdadalsopointedoutthathewasn’ttryingtosevertherelationshipbetweenthemotherandson,thathewasokaywithAdelineYounghavingvisitationrights.Totopitalloff,eventhoughAdamConnorstressedthathewasn’tdoingthistohurtAdelineandwasonlythinkingaboutwhathissonneededatthispointinhislife,wethinkAdelinewillbeplentypissedwhenshegetsthecallfromherlawyer.
Whatareyourthoughtsonthis?AfterAdelinegotslammedbythemediaoutletsanddiehardConnorfansbecauseofthewayshehandledeverythingaftertheincident,wearethinkingthismightnothavebeenherfirstclashwithAdamonhowsheisraisingtheirson—ornotraising,inhercase.Doyouthinkshe’llfightthis?
Ifyouwereafanofthecoupleandwererootingforthemtogetbacktogether…we’dsayit’stimetosaygoodbyetothosedreams.WhenwetriedtoreachAdeline’srepsforacommentonAdam’sstatement,buttheonlythingweheardwascrickets.Nodoubtthey’llreleaseastatementontheirownwhenthey’vehadenoughtimetoregroup,sowe’llmakesuretokeepyouinthelooponfutureupdates.
We’llleaveyouwiththebestpartofAdam’sstatement.
“Mysonmeanseverythingtome.Ihavetoknowheissafe.Ihavetomakesureheisn’tworryingaboutthingsheshouldn’teventhinkaboutorknowaboutathisage—likebeingscaredaboutwhetheramanwithacamerawilljumpoutfrombehindthebusheswhenheisplayinginhisownbackyard.TheonlywaytodothatisifheisinmycareandIknowwhereheisandwhomheiswithatalltimes.Again,IhavenothingagainstAdeline.Westilltalk,westillspendtimetogether,andIwishhernothingbutthebest.Thisisnotaboutus.Itisaboutwhat’sbestforAiden.WhileIgetthatthismaybefront-pagenewsforsomepeople,I’maskingyoutorespectourprivacygoingforward.Pleasedon’tmakethisouttobesomethingitisn’t.Thisisn’tAdamConnorfightingwithAdelineYoung.Thisisafatherfightingforwhat’sbestforhisson.”
ChapterSixteenLucy
Sometimesittakesyearsforyourlifetochange.Insomecases,alifetime.Youwakeuponemorning,lookaround,andsuddenlyrealizethateverythinghaschanged.Thepeopleyouthoughtwereyourfriends,lovedones…theyarelonggone.Yourlifeisn’tthesame.Timehasslippedawayandyoudidn’tevennoticeathing.
However,sometimes…sometimesitcanchangerightinfrontofyoureyes.
Allittakesistheblinkofaneye.
Onemomentyouthinkyoucanhandleanythinglifethrowsatyou…andthenextmoment…well,toputitnicely…you’rescrewed.
WhileIwassittingallbymylonesomeinOlive’sbackyard,thosewerethethoughtsthatwerecrossingmymind.ThatIwasscrewed.ThatIhadfuckedup
Royally.
IhadleftOliveandJasoninsideaftertellingthemthenewsandhadcomeoutbecause‘itwassuchabeautifulnightandIhadtodosomestargazing’…whichactuallymeantIneededtogetsomefreshairandtrymybesttoassuremyselfthateverythingwouldbeokayandthatIshouldjustbreathe.Justclosemyeyesandbreathe.WhenOlivegotuptojoinme,fromthecornerofmyeyeIsawJasongentlygrabbingherhandandshakinghishead.
Ididn’tthinkhe’dbeabletokeepherinsideforlong,butIappreciatedhimtryingallthesame.
Havingsuccessfullybreathedforatleastafewminuteswithouthavingasuddenheartattack,IlookedovermyshouldertoseeifOliveandJasonwerestillup.
Theywere.Andtheyweredancing.
Withnomusic.
Istilldon’tknowwhataboutthatscenestruckmyheartsostrongly,butIremembertherawpainIfeltinmychest.
Don’tgetmewrong,itwasn’tjealousy.Iwantednothingbuthappinessforthem,butmaybeitwasthefirsttimeI’dwantedsomeonetoholdmethatclosely,tolookatmejustlikeJasonwaslookingatOlive.HisfingerswereplayingwithherhairasOlive’sheadrestedagainsthischest.Eyesclosed.
Therewasnomusic.
Nothingbutthetwoofthemintheworld.
So,forabriefmoment,Iwantedthesameformyself.
Thefeelingofsecuritythatsomeonewastheretoholdyouupwhengravitywastoomuchtohandleonyourown,thatyouhadsomeoneyoucouldtrustenoughtoletgo.
Justforamoment,Iwantedsomeonetoholdmeupandtellmeeverythingwouldbeokay,thatmyfearswereuncalledfor.
WhenIheardmusicdriftingoverfromnearby,IhesitatedonlyforamomentbeforeIhauledmyassupfromthegroundandcarefullyclimbedoverthewallthatstoodbetweenAdamConnorandme.
AsIfollowedthestonepathway,IstoppedmovingwhenIsawhimstandinginfrontoftheglasswindowswatchingme.ItwasaslightlydifferentversionoftheAdamConnorI’dseenthatfirstnightwithOlive:button-upshirt,rolledupsleeves,blackslacks…theonlydifferencewasthathedidn’tlooklikehewastryingtofiguresomethingout.Theopposite,actually.Aswestaredateachother,helookedlikehe’dfiguredeverythingout.
Hewaseverythingagirlcouldeverwant.
NottomentionthehottestDILF.
Feelingasuddenchillinmybones,Ihuggedmyarmsandkeptwalkingtowardhim.
Heneverlookedawayfrommyeyesasheopenedthedoorforme.
Beforehecouldsayanything,Itookastepforward,leanedup,andkissedhim.Itwasn’tan‘Iwanttofuckyourbrainsout’typeofkiss,eventhoughIwouldn’thavemindeddoingjustthat.Itwas…adifferentkind.AkindIdidn’twanttoname.
Oh,hell.Fine.Itwasasweetkiss.ThekindofkissIavoided.
Hedidn’tstopme.Hestoodthere,hislipsmovingsosoftlyagainstmineasIdidmybesttoquietmyscreamingheart.
Whenhisarmgentlytouchedmywaist,eithertopushmeawayorpullmein—Icouldn’ttakethechance—Ipulledbackfromhislipsandstartedhearingthemusicagain.
“Lucy…”Adammurmured,hishotbreathagainstmywetlips.
“Idon’tknowthissong,”Imurmuredbackandfinallylookedintohiseyes.“Iknowit’sGeorgeMichael,butIdon’tknowthesong.”
Hewassilentforamomentashesearchedforsomethinginmyeyes.
“It’scalled‘JesustoAChild’,”hesaidafteranawkwardsilence.
Inodded,butsaidnothingmore.
“Youcameovertoaskaboutthesong?”
“I’veneverheardofit.It’sabeautifulsong.”
“It’soldanditisabeautifulsong.”
Thosevividgreeneyesthatwerelookingatmewithsuchintensitywerealsogentle.CouldheseewhatIneededeventhoughIhadnoideawhatthatwasanymore?Iforcedasmileonmylips,tryingmyhardestnottoshowhowmuchIwasshakinginsideasIstoodinfrontofhim.
Youshouldn’thaveclimbedoverthatwalltogettohim,mybrainscreamedatme.Youshouldn’thavelistenedtoyourstupidheart.
“Doyoulikedancing?”Iasked,ignoringcommonsense.
“No.”
“Oh,”Isaid,surprised.“Okay.”
“Askmeanyway,”hecountered.
Ihesitated.
“Willyoudancewithme?”
“Yes.”
Hetookmyhandinhiswarm,bigoneandpulledmeinside.Assoonasheclosedthedoorandturnedtome,Iwalkeduptohim,putmyhandonhisheart,andrestedmyheadnexttoit.Hisbodyfrozeforamoment,butthenhecircledoneofhisarmsaroundmywaistandpulledmybodyclosertohis.
IreleasedthebreathIwasholdingandsomethingeasedinmyheart.
Somethingeasedinmystupidheart,Ishouldsay.
Hedidn’taskmewhatwaswrong,thoughIknewhewouldeventually.Allhedidwasgentlypushmyhairbehindmyearandresthischinonthetopofmyhead.
Myfuckingstupidheartshivered.
Thenheliftedhislefthandandpulledmyhandawayfromhisheart.Thatwasalittledisappointing,butIknewIwastakingittoofar.
AsIdroppedmyhand,hecaughtitmidwayandstartedlinkingourfingerstogether.Myeyesopened,andIwatchedthepadofhisthumblightlycaressthesensitiveskinbetweenmythumbandindexfingerasmyfingersfitperfectlyinbetweenhis.
Icurledmyfingersaroundhishandandheldon.
Neverliftingmyheadupfromhischest,Iglancedathimthroughmylashes,onlytoseehissolefocuswasonourhands.Helooked…helookeddifferent.Thoughtful.Worried?Thenheblinkedandbroughtmyhandbacktorestagainsthischest,hisownhandcoveringmine.
Thenerve…Iknow.
Iwastheonewhowastryingtoseducehimoutofhispants;hehadnoright,norightwhatsoevertotryandseducemyheart.
But…Ilethimholdmyhandanyway.Itwascomfortable.
Standinglikethatwithhimwascomfortable.Hearinghissteadyheartbeat.Hiswarmthagainstmybody.
Thehandsplayedonmybackwasjustascomfortingashishandholdingmine.Ittetheredmetotheworld.
Ormaybejusttohim.
Itwasallsoeasyonmyheart.
Anditwasallsoscary.
Istilllethim.Don’tjudgeme.Ifyouwereme,bynowyouwould’vemeltedaway;atleastIwasstillstandingupright.Iwin,youlose.
SoIlethimholdmyheartinhishands.Itwasonlyforamomentanyway.
SuddenlythesongendedandthesilencethatfilledtheroomwassomehowlouderthanGeorgeMichaelhadbeen.Itonlylastedforafewsecondsasthesamesongstartedbackagain.
But…forthosefewseconds,AdamhadkeptusmovinginagentleswayandI’dgottenmywish.I’ddancedwithnomusic.Evenifitwasforafleetingmoment,I’dhadwhatOliveandJasonhad.
Andthatshould’vescaredmeshitless…butitdidn’t.
DidImentionwhatastupidheartIpossessed?
IclosedmyeyesagainandletAdamdictateourmovesasIabsorbedthepainfulwords.Itwasn’tjustthewordseither.Youcouldtellhewasinpaintoo—GeorgeMichael,Imean.
Hewasinpainforthelovehehadlost,andIwaslostsearchingfortheloveIknewIcouldneverhave.
“Isittrue?Whatheissaying?”Iasked,myvoicelow.
“Whichpart?”
“Doeslovereallyholdbliss?”
“Youtellme.Youweretheonewiththeboyfriend.”
“Andyouweretheonewiththewife.WithJameson…Ilovedhim…butitwasn’tlikethat.Ineverhadthat.”
“Whatdoyoumean?”
“Hewas…wewere…weweregreatinbed,I’lltellyouthatmuch,butoutofit…Idon’tknow,InevertrustedhimlikeOlivetrustsJason.Hewasaflirt.Hewasn’tseriousaboutit,butitstillhurttoseethathewasn’tallthatdifferentwithotherpeoplethanhewaswithme.WhenIcatchJasonlookingatOlive,evenwhensheisdoingsomethingmundanelikedrinkingwaterorgenerallyactinglikeacrazyperson,Iseehislipstippingup.IfI’mfeelingextramushyandlookhardenough,Icanactuallyseehisloveforher.Again,mushy,Iknow,butitlooksbeautifulonthem.Lovelooksbeautifulonthem.Itlooksright.BeforeIcamehere…”Ihesitated,notsureifIshouldshareornot.“Theyweredancingwithnomusic.Inthemiddleoftheirlivingroom,theydancedwithnomusic.”
“Ah,”hemuttered,hishandmovingafewinchesupanddownonmyback—agentle,soothingcaressIwasn’texpecting.“That’swherethedanceinvitationcamefrom.”
“No,”Ideniedquickly…alittletooquickly,maybe.“No.Iwasn’tjealousofthemoranythinglikethat,”Irepeated.“Thesong.Ilikedthesong.Icamefor…thesong.”
“Ilikethesongtoo,Lucy,”hemurmuredsosoftlyIalmostdidn’tcatchit.
Wereweeventalkingaboutthesonganymore?Itdidn’tsoundlikehewastalkingaboutthesong.
Whenhedidn’tcontinue,Iclosedmyeyesandfocusedonthedamnsongandthelyricsagain.Ilikedthesong.Heck,IthinkIlovedthesong.Ididn’tlikeAdamConnor,though.Hewasn’tthereasonIhadcomeover.Icertainlywasn’tfallingforhimoranythingstupidlikethat.Itdidn’tmatterwhatmyheartwassaying,itdidn’tmatterhowmybodylitupeverytimehisskinwasonmine.Itdidn’t
Maybe.
“Relax,Lucy,”Adammuttered,andInoticedwehadstoppedmoving.Itookadeepbreathandleteverythingout.
Thesongendedandstartedupagain.
Itwasareallygoodsong.
Afewminutesintothesong…ormaybeitwasonlyafewsecondsin,Itookadeepbreath.InAdam’sarms,feelingunattachedyetconnectedtosomethingIcouldn’tname,Ihadlosttrackoftime,theworld,andthesituationIhadputmyselfin.Suddenly,Adamletgoofmyarm,andIthoughtaboutfightinghimforhishand,tohavehimholditjustforafewmoreseconds,justuntilthesongended,justuntil…butIdidn’twanttobethatgirlwhoaskedforsomethingsheknewshewouldn’tget.
Snapoutofit,Lucy!
Hisfingertipstouchedmychin,andhetiltedmyheadbackandawayfromhischest.
IlookeddeepintohisgreeneyesandfoundoutthatIdidn’twanttolookaway.Ididn’twanttointerruptwhateverhewasdoingtomyheart.
Witchcraftmaybe?
Hislipspartedashisbrowsfurrowed.WasthatangerIsawinhiseyes?
“Whyareyoucrying?”heaskedinahardvoice.“Whathappened?”
Ifrownedathimandtouchedmyface.WhenIlookeddown,Icouldseewetnessonmyfingers.Iwascrying?When?How?
“I…”Istarted,butcouldn’tfindthewords,didn’tknowhowtofinishthethoughtasthetearskeptcoming.Thismustbewhattheycallhormones.Ialreadydidn’tlikeit.
“Lucy…”
Hetiltedmyheadupagainandhisthumbwipedawaymytears.
Thetearsdidn’tstopcoming.Hishandonmybacktightened,andIlostmyselfalittlemore,feltmyselffallingalittlefurther.Despitehavinghishardbodypressedagainstmine,hishandholdingmeinplace,Icouldfeelmybodystarttoshake,thehopelessnessofthedayfinallycatchinguptome.
Iputmyhandsonhischestandtriedtopushhimaway,butitwasliketryingtopushawayalionthatdidn’twanttomove.Hesomehowmanagedtopullmecloser,andIlethim.
“Lucy,”hewarned,hisvoicegravelly.“Tellmewhat’swrong.”
Westaredintoeachother’seyesforsolong.
“I’mpregnant,”Iadmittedinabrokenvoice.Adamletgoofme.
Itwasthelowestmomentofmylife.Notthatbeingpregnantwasanythingbadbecauseforsomeoneelse,someonewhowantedtohaveababy,someonewhowaslookingforwardtohavingababy…itwaseverything.Forme…beingpregnantwastheconfirmationI’dneverwantedtoreceive.
Ireallywascursed.
“Ididit,”Isaid,curlingmyarmsaroundmystomach.“I’mjustlikethem.I’llbejustlikethem.Bitter.Unhappy.Angry.”Iliftedmyeyesuptomeethis.“Notatthebaby.Neveratthebaby.I’llalwaysbeangryatmyself,andI’llendupbeingangryattheworld.Ishould’veneversaid‘Iloveyou’toJameson.Hewasaflirt,yetIstillsaidIlovedhim.Iknewitwouldneverwork,butIstillsaidthosestupidwords.AndnowI’mbeingpunished.Ishould’ve…Ishouldn’t—”
WhythehellwasIstillcrying?
“I’mnotcryingbecauseI’msad,”Itriedtoexplain,myvoicerising.Iwassuchadisgracetowomankind.“I’mangry.Thesearestupidangrytears.Orhormonetears,Idon’tknow!Idon’twannacry!”
Thenhislipswereonmineandmywordsgotlostbetweenuswithmygasp.HisfingerstangledinmyhairasIpushedmyselfuponmytiptoestoputmyarmsaroundhisneckandpullhimdowntome.Thisonewasn’tasweetkissoralazyone.Thisonewasfulloflife,fullofpain,pleasure,hate,anger,evenalittlebitofhopeandlove.
Itookadeepbreaththroughmynose
Shit!Thesmell.Thesmellofhisskin.
Don’tbreathe,Lucy.Don’tbreatheHe’stoxic.Don’tdoit.
Thehellwithit!Imoanedandbreathedinhisscent.Hisfingerstightenedinmyhair,andIlethistonguesurroundmine,licking,sucking,pulling,pushingasheslantedhisheadineverypossibleangle.
Iwasdonefor.
Thiswastheendofme.
Withagutturalgroan,hetiltedmyheadwithhishandsandwentindeeper,tookmorefromme.Igrabbedathiscollar,clawedathisneck,pushedmyfingersintohishair,pullingonit.Hard.Thehissofpainhewhisperedintomymouthwasbeyondsatisfyingtohear,tofeelvibratethroughmybody.
Hetiltedhisheadtheotherwayandkissedmeintooblivion.Hisbodywastoweringoverme,forcingmetomoveacouplestepsback.Itwasperfect.Itmighthavebeenthebestmomentofmylife.Attheveryleast,topfive.
Hell,itwastheonlykissthatactuallydeservedtobecalledakiss.Thewayhishandmoved,hisfingersthreadingintomyhair,hispalmcuppingthebackofmyheadwiththeperfectamountofgentlenessandroughness,holdingmejustwherehewantedme…thewayIcouldalmosthearhiswildheartbeat…thewayIpulledathishair,clawedathisnecktogethimclosersoIcoulddrownmyselfinhim…
Thewaymyentirebodywasbeggingforhim,tremblingtofeelhishotskinonmine,everyoneofourmovementsjerkyandfrantic.
Itwasabeautifulmess.
Itwastheperfectmess.
Myheart…myownfranticheartbeatdrownedouteveryothernoisebuthim.
Everythingbuthimwasjustwhitenoise.
Holyhell!
Mybodyburningbrighterandtremblingharderinhisarms,Iletoutasoundlessprotestwhenhetookhislipsawayfrommine.Withmyeyesstillclosed,Ileanedforwardtotakethemback,buthiswhisperedwordsforcedmetocomebackdowntoearth.
“Stop,Lucy.Stop.”
Wasn’theachingjustasmuchasIwas?Didn’thewantme?
Iwantedhim.Iwantedhiminsideme.
OhGod,Iwantedtohavehiscockinsideme.Iwantedhimtoneverstopkissingme.IneverwantedthatconnectionI’djustfelttobreak.Thatwarmth.Thattremblehegaveme.ThathighIfeltwhenhislipsstoppedmyworld.
“Lookatme,”hewhisperedinalowvoice,andIhadtoforcemyeyestoblinkopensoIcouldactuallyseehim.
God,helookedsogood.Thosefuckingeyesofhiswerekillingme.I’dneverlookatthatshadeofgreenthesamewayagain.Stillbreathlessandunsettled,Iletgoofhishairandrestedmyhandsontopofhisshoulders.Jesus,hishairlookedlikehe’djusthadthebestfuckofhislife.Ilivedforkisseslikethat;theonesthatmadeyoufeellikeyou’dbeenfuckedgoodandwellwithoutevenhavingacockinyourvagina.
“Thatwas…holyhell,thatwasagoodkiss,AdamConnor.”Iclearedmythroatandpattedhisshoulder.“You’relearning.Gladtohelp.”
“Itwastheonlywaytostopyoufromspewingbullshitandcrying.”
Istoppedbreathingandmybodyturnedrigidinhisarms.
“What?YoukissedmesoI’dstopcryingonyou?You…youjerk!”Ipulledawayfromhim,buthecaughtmywristinmidairandroughlypulledmeagainsthischest.
“Letmego,”Isaidthroughgrittedteeth.
“Shutup,”hesaidhoarsely,hisfingerslooseningaroundmywrist.“Please,justshutupforasecond.”
Ididn’tmove.
“How?”heaskedafteralmostafullminuteoflookingintoeachother’seyes,breathingineachother’sair.“Lucy,howareyoupregnant?”
Oh,right…
Ididmybesttogetmybreathingundercontrolandpushedmyhairawayfrommyfacewithmyfreehand.Itwasunsettlingtohaveallofhisattentiononme,thoseeyespiercingmywell-constructedwallsasfastasItriedtobuildthemup.AlsoIcouldstillsmellhisgoddamnedcologne,whichdidstupidthingstomypoor,neglectedvagina…andmaybemyheart.
“Whenapenisentersavaginaandthen—”
Hiseyesstillopen,heslantedhislipsovermineandkissedmeuntilmyshouldersrelaxed,andImeltedinhisarmsagain.Thenhetookthemawayfromme.
HowmanytimeshaveIalreadytoldyouthathewasabastard?
“Forasecond,justbehonestwithme,Lucy.Beyourselfandtellmewhat’sgoingon.”
“WhatthehelldoyouthinkI’mdoing?”
Hestartedtolowerhisheadagain.
“Fine.Stop.Stop.Enough.Okay?Enough.”
“Tellmewhat’sgoingonwithoutallthebullshit.YoutoldmeCallumhadn’t—”
Callum?AsinJakeCallum?Whatthehellwashetalkingabout?
“JakeCallum?Whatdoeshehavetodowithanything?”
Hevisiblyrelaxedinfrontofmyeyes.“Soitisn’thim?”
“Ihavenoideawhatyou’retalkingabout.”Ishookmyhead.“Thebabyis…”Itouchedmystomachagain,lookingdownatitasifIcouldactuallyseethelifegrowinginsideme.“Jameson.Myex.”
“You’resure?You’resureyouarepregnantthen?Youwenttoadoctor?”
“Itookapregnancytesttoday.ThoseareprettyaccuratefromwhatIhear.”
Nowhewastheoneshakinghishead.“Youhavetogotoadoctor.Haveyoutoldhimyet?Yourex?”
“Notyet.AndIknow.OfcourseIhavetogotoadoctor,butImissedmyperiodandhavebeenfeelingofflately,soItookthetestand…”Iopenedmyarms.“Tada…ababy.”Mythroatwasdry,andIdidn’tthinkIsoundedcheerfulatall.“Theappledoesn’tfallfarfromthetree,right?AndyouweremakingfunofmewhenIsaidmyfamilywascursed.”Igavehimadrylaughanditdiedoutasquicklyasithadstarted.“Who’slaughingnow?”
Hedidn’tlaugh.Notevenasmile.Iwaslosingmyedge.
Itookadeepbreathandbackedawayfromhim.Droppingmyheadinmyhands,Imassagedmytemple.
WhyhadIcomeoverhereagain?Oh!Yes.IthoughtIcouldseduceAdamConnorbecauseheowedmethatmuchafterteasingmethenightbefore.
Nicejob,Lucy.Awesomejob…
“Areyougoingtocallhim…yourex?Willhecomebackhere?”Adam’svoicewasgentle,asifheweretalkingtoaskittishhorse.
Ilookedupathimandsighed.“Ijustfoundoutafewhoursago.Ididn’treallythinkaboutwhatIwanttodo.”
Hiseyebrowsrose.“You’renotgoingtotellhim.”
Wasthataquestion?
Bristling,Igrumbled,“Whatdoyoutakemefor?”Ilookedbehindmetomakesurethecouchwasthereandsatmyassdownbeforemylegsdecideditwastimetoplaythedamselindistress.“Thisisn’tabookoramovie.Thereisnoromanticstoryhere,noarcintheplot,nohappyending.I’mnotgonnahidethepregnancyfromhimandthenpopbackintohislifewhenIcan’ttaketheguiltandsay‘surprise’afterthekidisafewyearsold.OfcourseI’mgoingtocallhim;hewon’tgetoffthateasily,andhebetterhelpmethroughthis.”
Thecouchdipped,andAdamsatdownnexttome,ourarmstouching.Didhehavetositthatclose?Really?
AndwasIstillinterestedinseducinghim?
Afterthatkiss?Hellyes,Iwas.
“I’vedecidedyou’regoingtomakelovetome,”Iannounced,lookingstraightahead.
“Excuseme?”
“Youheardme.”
“No,Idon’tthinkIdid.Couldyourepeatthat?”
“You’regoingtomakelovetome.”
“Isthatanorder?”
“No,justa…fact.You’vebeenmarried,soyoumustknowhowtomakelove.Andifnot,you’reasortof,kindofgoodactor.Act.”
“Andyoudon’t?”
“Asyoucanimagine,Iknowhowtodothegrandslam,bumpinguglies,andallthatstuff.I…”Iturnedmyheadandglancedathim.“Idon’tthinkI’veevermadelovetoanyone.”
“Yourex?”heasked,hisdisbelievingeyesonme.“Ithoughtyousaidyoulovedhim.”
“IthoughtIdid.Imean,Idid.ButhehadagiantthinginbetweenhislegsandasIalreadytoldyou,Ihaveathingforthose,asinIlikemyfuckstobegoodandhard.”Ishruggedandlookedaway.WasthatheatIwasfeelingonmyface?
Whatthehell,Lucy?
“Andhowdoyouthinkmakingloveworksexactly?”
Igavehimaquickglanceandsawthathislipsweretwitching.Icoulddealwithamusement.Itwistedmybody,pulledmyleguponthecouch,andfacedhim.
“Ibelieveitrequireslookingintoeachother’seyesatalltimes.Aslowentry.Alittlegaspandalittlemoanhereandthere.We’llskipwhisperingIloveyoustoeachother,ofcourse.Otherthanthat,Ibelieveit’saslowthing.Maybeanorgasm?Ifyoucanmanage,butnopressure,ofcourse.Justbecauseyourkissimproved,I’mnotgonnaassume—”
“Andyouwantmetomakelovetoyouwhy?Youdon’tthinkIcanfuckyou?”
“Whoknows.I’msureyouhaveyourmoves,butIwantyoutomakelovetomebecauseIassumed,beinganactorandall,youcouldgiveagoodperformance,soIcouldhavethatatleastonceinmylife.”
Hetiltedhishead,lookingallconfusedandsexy.“Onceinyourlife?”
“Thecurse?”Iprompted.“I’mhavingababy.Ididexactlywhatmymomdid.I’mnotsayingIloveyoutoanyoneeveragain,hencenotmakinglovetoanyoneagain.”
Hiseyesroamedmyface,andheshookhisheadlikeIwasbeingridiculousandhedidn’tknowwhattodowithme.“Lucy…I…”
Iheldmybreathandwaitedforhiswords.Ifnothingelse,Iwantedhislipsonmineagain.I’dsettleforthat,too,ifthisofferdidn’tworkout.
Hetouchedmycheekwiththebackofhishand,thenmystillswollenlipswithhisfingertips.“DoyourememberwhatIaskedyoulastnight?Nothingchanged.AdmitthatyoulikemeandI’llshowyouhowtomakelove.”
“I’mreducedtobargainingfora‘maybe’orgasm.”
“Idon’tthinkI’maskingfortoomuch,doyou?”
“Okay.I’llgiveyouathirty-two.”
“Andthatmeans…?”
“Outofahundred,I’mgivingyouathirty-two.That’showmuchIlikeyou.”
Heseemedtothinkonitforafewbeatsthensmiledatme.
“Icanlivewiththat.Youareforty-nineforme.”
Dumbfounded,Iwidenedmyeyesand,withoutevenrealizingwhatIwasdoing,scootedbackfromhim.“No.”
Heraisedaneyebrow.“No?”
Myheartpoundinginmychest,Isaid,“Fiftyislikeedgingtowardlove.Takeitback.Givemeathirty-fiveorsomething.”Hisfingertipsreachedformeagain,andIscrambledbackasfarasIcouldgo.“Takeitback.”
Therecouldbenotalkoflovebetweenus;Iwouldn’tfallforthatagain,likeIhadwithJameson.
Afterstudyingmeforwhatseemedlikeanhour,heroseupfromhisseatandleaneddowntoresthislipsagainstmyear.“Iwillalwaysbehonestwithyou,Lucy.Mysonisinlovewithyou.Whoknows,maybeI’mfallingforyoutoo?IsittoohardtobelievethatIlikewhatIseewhenIlookatyou?ThatIliketalkingtoyou,arguingwithyou,watchingyoulaughwithmyson,watchingyousmile.MaybeafterImakelovetoyou,I’llfallalittlemore.So,Ithinkforty-nineisagoodnumber.Askmeagaininthemorning,I’llletyouknowhowyoudid.”
Ileanedaway,mybackarchingagainstthearmofthecouch.Hewasbecomingdangerous.Hismouth,hiseyes,hisbody…everythingabouthimwasgettingtoodangeroustostayclosetohim.Wasitenoughtodetermefromhavinghiminsideme?Well,notreally.Notyet.
LikeI’dsaidbefore,foronceandforall,Iwasreadytomakelove,andmyvaginaseemedtohavechosenhimasitsvictim.Iwasokaywiththatchoice
“Noanswer?Noobjection?”
Ishruggedandtriedtorelaxintothecouch.“Idon’tbelieveyou,soit’sokay.Youarefreetosaywhateveryouwishtosay.I’mnotsomeonewhofallsforflowerywords.”
Hiseyesboredintomine,andIswallowedthethicklumpinmythroat.EventhoughIdidn’tbelievehim,thatdidn’tmeanitwasn’taffectingme.
Hestraightenedandfixedthecuffsofhisshirt,drawingmyeyestohishands.
“Stayrightwhereyouare,”heorderedandstartedtowalkaway.
Forabriefsecond,thefoginmybrainclearedupenoughthatIrememberedAiden.Joltingupfromthecouch,Iblurted,“Aiden?WhereisAiden?”
Adamstoppedinhistrackstowardthehallway.“WeareleavingforParistomorrow,Dan,Aiden,andI.Heisspendingthenightwithhisbestfriend.”Hepaused,hislipsstretchingintoanunexpectedsmile.“Oneofhisbestfriends,Isuspect.Heisatasleepover,Lucy.You’reallmine.”
“HeiswithHenry?ThatBritishactress’kid?”
“Youknowhisbestfriend’sname?”
“OfcourseIknowhisname.”
“Don’tbesosurprised,Lucy.Noteveryonecaresaboutthosethings.”
Withthat,hewalkedaway.
Nowwhatdidthatmean?Andwhataboutmakinglove?
“Whataboutthesex?”Ishoutedafterhimsincetherewasnooneelsebutusinthehouse.Ploppingbackdown,Ipulledmylegsup,laidmyheadonthearmofthecouch,andmutteredtomyself,“Whataboutmylovemaking?”
Hesitantly,Iraisedmyhandandresteditonmystomach.Whydidn’tIfeeldifferent?Wasn’tIsupposedtofeeldifferent?Shuttingmyeyes,Itookadeepbreathandjustletmyselfbestill.
BeforeIcouldletmythoughtspullmetoaplaceIdidn’twanttogo,IheardAdam’sfootsteps.Asecondlater,hisfingertipstrailedovermylips,andIpartedmymouth.
Iopenedmyeyestoseehimstandingoverme.Helookedjustashotwhenhewasupsidedown.
“Arewedoingitornot?”Iasked,keepingmytoneneutral.Myeyestooknoticeofhowhisshirtwasn’ttuckedintohispantsanymore,andIalmost,almostsquirmedonthecouch.IwasabouttohavesexwithAdamConnor.Icouldn’tshowhimhowmuchIwasreadytogetridofmystupidpants.“Ifnot,Ihavea—”
“Alwaystheromantic,”hemurmured,almosttohimself.WhenIsawhimloweringhishead,Ishutmymouthandlethimkissmeupsidedown.AsmuchasIadoredthatsceneinSpiderMan,itwasweirdbeingkissedupsidedown.Ourteethcrashed,hebitdownonmylowerlipthenslidhistongueinmymouth,andfuckmeifthewayhewaskissingmedidn’tmakemytoescurl.Whenhewasabouttopullback,Igroanedsoftly,putmyhandsonhischeeks,andarchedintothekiss.
Justalittlemore.
Surprisingly,hedidn’tstopthekiss,butsloweditdown.Iguessedweweregettingintothemakinglovepart.Niceandeasywaspracticallythesloganforit,wasn’tit?Ifelthishandonmystomachandmyeyesopened.Hemusthavesensedit,ormybodyhadmadeitapparentIwassurprisedtohavehishandsonme,becausehislipsstoppedmoving,andhepulledbacktomeetmyeyes.Breathless,Iwaitedtoseewhathewasgoingtodo.
Hishandsliddownfarther.Intrigued,IraisedaneyebrowathimbeforeIlookeddowntowatchhisbig,beautifulhand.Andthatforearm…itwasrightinfrontofme,beggingtobestroked.
Shit!
Whydoyouevenhaveathingforforearms,Lucy?
ThankstothewayIwasloungingonhiscouch,Ihadaperfectviewofhishand.Iclutchedatthecushionundermeandwatchedhisfingertipsliftmyshirtandgostraightundermyleggings.
This…thisterritorywaswhatIknew
IsquirmedinplaceandfeltAdam’sbreathrightnexttomyear.Thenhishandcuppedmypussy,andhepushedtwoofhisthickfingersinsidemewithoutevenhesitating.
“Sowetandreadyforme,Lucy,”hemuttered,histonguecomingouttoleaveawettrailonmyneck.
IletoutasoftmoanasIarchedmyneck.Almostshakingwithexcitement,Icircledmyhips,managingtodrawthoseskillfulfingersdeeperinsideme.
“You’resoaked,Lucy.Mycockwillsliderightintoyou.”
“That’sexactlywhatIwant,”Isaiddreamily.
Hepulledhisfingersout,andIletgoofthecushionstoclutchhisarm.
Hefrozeoverme,andIwaitedtoseewhathe’ddo.Sure,Iwantedhiscock,butjustincasehecouldn’tmanagetomakemecome,Iwantedhisfingerstodothejob.Hestartedstrokingme.Atfirst,softly,barelytouching,hisslickfingersghostingoverandaroundmyclit.Themhedippedhisfingersdownandinsideme,givingmeafewdeepthrustsasIpracticallyhuggedhisarmlikeakoala.Thenhetookthemoutandrepeatedthetorture.
“You’replayingwithme,”Igaspedoutwhenhewithdrewhisfingersforthefifthtime.“Idon’tlikeit.”
Ifelthisteethagainstmyneck,myearlobe.“Oh?Ithoughtyouwantedmetoplaywithyou.”Anotherswirlaroundmyclitandthenthreefingersenteredme.
Igroanedandletmylegsfallopen.“Istortureapartofmakinglove?Eithermakemecomeorlet’sskiptothegoodstuff.”
“Youdon’tgettomakealltherules,Lucy.Eitherwedothismywayorwedon’tdoitatall.”
“Andyousaythisafteryoumakemeburn?”
“Yourchoice.”
Hewascrazy;itwastheonlyexplanation,andthatwaswhyIdidn’tlikehim.Iwantedhimthough,anditfeltlikeIwantedhimmorethanIhadeverwantedanythinginmylife.Hell,evenmyvaginahadreadieditselfasifitweregoingtohavesexwithHenryCavill.
“Fine.”Ihuffedandmoanedloudlywhenhepressedhardonmyclitandmademyeyesrollbackinmyhead.
Thatunbelievablysexyarmofhis?Itwasstillinmyhands,andIwasstrokingitupanddown,tryingtorilehimupjustasmuchashewasrilingmeup,ghostingmyfingersoverthehairsonhisarms,clawingathimwhenhegotmealittletooclosetotheedge.
“Please,makemecome,”Ibegged,beyondcrazyforthehotandheavyreleasethatwasdancingrightatthetipofhisfingers.
Despiteallmyobjections,hepulledhisfingersoutofmeandtrailedmywetnessonmystomach,draggingmyshirtwithituntilitrestedundermyboobs.Thenhepulledhisarmoutofmygraspandmovedtomyside.
Myeyesfollowedhiseverymove,andIdidmybesttokeepmyeyesawayfromhiscrotcharea.
Wordlessly,hepulledmeupfromthecouchandtookoffmyshirt.Myheartbeatingwildly,Ilethimtakeoffeverypieceofclothingonme.WhenIwascompletelynaked,hisgazemovedovermeandmyentirebodytrembledfromtheinsidejustfromtheexpressiononhisfacealone.
“Youhaveoneminute.”
Withoutwaitingforanotheroffer,Iwalkedthetwostepsthatseparatedusandstartedtounbuttonhisshirt.ItwastheverythingI’dwantedtodowhenIwasspyingonhimoverthewallthatfirsttime.Heliftedhisarmsupforme,andIunrolledthecuffslayerbylayer.BeforeIpushedtheshirtoffhim,oureyesmetandachillmoveddownmyspine.
Soannoyinglyhandsome.Hungry.Powerful.
ThenImovedmyhandsoverhisbroadchestandthosestrongshoulders.“Youshouldworkoutmore.You’renotquitethereyet,”Isaid,theedgeofmyliptippingup.Hedidn’tneedtoworkoutatall.Hewasperfectjustthewayhewas,anditwasannoyingashell.
“Everywordoutofyourmouth…”Heshookhishead.
Hereachedoutandtwistedmynippleasananswer,makingmegroan.Whenthoseamazinglipswentformyneck,suckingandbitingasheplayedwithmyboobs,Ifinallywentforhispantsandundidthebutton.Myhandswerealreadyshaking,tooexcitedaboutwhatI’dfindinthere.
Itrailedafingertipdownthezipperandfeltsomethinghard.ThatwasallthetimeIhadtofeelthoughbecausehewasliftingmeupanddumpingmeonthecouch.
“Time’sup,”hesaidthroughclenchedteeth.
Ididn’thaveitinmetopout;Iwasmoreinterestedingettinghiminsideme.
Imadeapointofclosingmyeyesandnotlookingathisbodywhenhetookoffhispantsandclimbedontothecouch.Hisbighandspushedmykneesopen.
“Canyoumakeloveonacouch?”Iasked,alittlebreathlessalready.“Isn’tthatagainsttherules?”
I’dprobablydiebeforethewholethingwasover.Nowthatwewereactuallynaked,justlikeI’dwantedforquitesometime,Iwasstartingtofreakoutfornoapparentreason.
“Wherewouldyouwanttomakelove?”heasked,hishandsmovingdownfrommythighstowardmyveryexcitedvagina.
“Idon’tknow.”Isquirmedinplacewhenhepulledmypussylipsopenwithhisthumbs.“Isn’titsupposedtobeinbed?”
“Ihadafewfantasiesoffuckingyourighthere;couchwilldo.”
ThenIwassuddenlypulleddown,andIsquealed,goosebumpsrisingonmyentirebody.Iwasscaredshitlesstoopenmyeyesandlookdown.
“You’renotgoingtoopenyoureyes?”Hetookmybreastinhismouth,histongueswirlingaroundmyhardnipple,thensuckingandbiting.
“Shit!”
Iarchedmyneck,practicallymeltingunderhismouth’sassaultonmypoorboob.Hisotherhandcuppedthelonelyoneandtweakedmynipple.
“Answerme.”
“Idon’twanttobedisappointedjustyet.”
“Thefour-inchthingagain?”Anot-so-gentlebitehadmehissingandprettymuchdrippingunderhim.
“Yeah.”
“Openyoureyes,Lucy.”
Ididn’thesitate.
Wow
MyeyesmethisandhewasallIcouldsee.Thatdeterminedface.Thoseroundshoulders.
IwaslyingrightunderAdamConnor,andIdidn’tmindonebitthatIwasgivingthecontrolovertohim.
“ItoldyouIdon’tplaygames,Lucy.Areyousurethisisokay?”
Whateverthehelldidthatmean?
“DoesitlooklikeI’mnotokaywithanything?Comeon.”Iarchedupandreachedup,moaningwhenheattackedmylipswiththesameamountofgreed.Iloweredmyvoice.“Iwantyourcockinme,Adam.”
“Youwantit?”
“Yes.”Ismiled.“Allfourinchesofit.”
Helaughed,alow,throatysoundthatvibratedthroughmybody.Ismiledback.
“Okay,Lucy.Closeyoureyes.”
Iclosedthemandthencurvedmyarmsaroundthearmofthecouch.IwasnothingbutatremblingwreckwhenIfelthislipsnexttomyear.
“I’mgoingtoun-breakyourheart,Lucy,”hepromisedinalowvoice.
Icouldn’tstopmybodyfromshivering.
“Myheartisn’tbroken,Adam,”Iwhisperedbackjustasquietly.
Hishandmoveddownfrommybreast.
Lower.
Lower.
Leavingaburningpathinitswake.
Afingerteasedmyopening.
“Itis,”hewhispered,leavingopen-mouthedkissesalongmyneck.
Wasthismakinglove?Torturingeachotheruntiloneofyoulostyourmind?
“Itis,”herepeatedrightbeforehetookmynipplebetweenhisteethandpulled.Iwantedtoclosemylegs,ortouchmyself,orhell,humpthecouch.“AndI’mgoingtomakeitwholeagain.I’mgoingtohealitsoyoucanfeelwhatyoudotome.”
I’dneverbeensoready,soslick,soscared
ThenIfelthimmoveawayfrommeandheardthesoundoffoilrippingopen.
Icounted.Ittookhimaroundsevensecondstoputiton.Wasthatgoodnews?HadIcountedright?
Iwasbreathinghardandstillholdingontothecushionundermeasifmylifedependedonit.
“Isitin?”
Imean,IthoughtIwasfeelingfingersmovinginandoutofme,butmaybeitwashiscock?Maybelifewasthatcruel?
“Lucy…ifnothingelse,justbecauseofthatcommentI’mabouttoruinyouforanyotherman.”
Mylipsquirkedup.“Oh?Youwantedmetolieandsayyourdickisthebiggestgifttohumanity?”
“Let’sseeifyoursmartmouthwillbeabletodoanythingbutscreamandmoaninafewseconds.”
Itdidn’teventakeafewsecondsformetoreleasemyfirstgroan.Hepushedhiscockintome,stretchingmewideopen.Whenmyhipsstartedslidingup,hishandsgrabbedmylegsandadjustedthemaroundhisback.
“Oh,shit,”Icursedwhenthemoveonlypushedhimdeeperintome.“Oh,shit.”
Iopenedmyeyesandfoundhimlookingstraightintomine.Iswallowedandheldhisgaze.Hepulledhishipsback,handsstillholdingmythighs,andgavealittlemoreofhimself.
Ibitbackmygroan.
“More?”
Inodded.
Fuck,yes!
Helookeddownatwherewewereconnectedandwatchedhiscockpulloutofme,whichmademybraingoallmushy.Thenhisthumbfoundmyclit,pushing,circling,stroking,andyethestillpushedindeeper.
“You’recreamingallaroundme,Lucy.DareIsayyoulikemycock?”
Imighthavewhimpered.Hemighthavegroaned.Ican’trememberafewsecondsofit.
IletoneofmylegsfalldownfromhisbackandliftedtheotheronesoIcouldthrowitoverthecouch.
“Isthatyourwayofsayingyouwantmore?”
Icouldn’tlaugh;somethingwaslodgedinmyheart,makingithardtodomuchofanything.
“Idoubtyouhavemoretogive.”
Myanswerwasadeepfuckingthrustthathadmytoescurlingwiththeexquisitenessofit.
Igaspedandsmiled.IletgoofthecushionsoIcouldrunmyhandalloverhischestandscratchhisburningskin,leaveamark,mymark.
“Oh,Lucy,”herasped.“Oh,whatamIgonnadowithyou?”
Heputoneofhishandsnexttomywaist,theotheroneonthearmofthecouch.
Hedrewoutthatmonstercockofhisthenpusheditbackinfartherashesettledoverme.
Iwaslost.Gone.Completelyandutterlyshattered.
Hewassodeepinme,fillingmetothebrim.IwastryingmybesttostaystillsoIcouldgetusedtohissizeandnotloseitintwosecondsflat.Iwantedtowatchhimwork.Iwantedtoseehowhemadelove.
“Ready?”heasked,hisbodyastightasarubberband.
“Doyourworst,”Ireplied.
Andhedid.Oh,hedid.Thethrust…thatdeliciousthrustdeepintome.
“Holyfuck,”Imuttered,myeyesrollingbackinmyhead.
Hisnextthrusthadmescramblingtoholdontohim.Everytimehepushedharderintome,jarringmyboneswithpleasure,Iclawedathisbody.Topushhimawayorpullhimindeeper,Ihadnoidea.
Ihadtoadmit,hewaskindofhuge.Okay,fine,hewasabsolutelyhuge.But,hell,thethickness,thatwaswhatwaskillingmeinthemostperfectway.
“Jesus,Lucy,”heraspedout,goingbacktomoreshallowthrusts.Hisbodystillcoveringmine,movingagainstminelikehotliquid,helookedatme.Therewassomethinghappeningbehindhiseyes,butbeforeIcouldputmyfingeronit,hepressedhismouthagainstmineandkissedme.
Iranmyhandsuphisbackandthreadedmyfingersthroughhishair,groaningmypleasureintohismouth.
“Bigenoughforyou?”heaskedwhenwebrokeapartsowecouldbreathe.
“Just,”Ianswered,mybodyashiveringmessunderhim.
Hislipslatchedontomynippleanditpulledatsomethingrightbetweenmylegs.MymusclesclenchedaroundAdam,andhecursed.
“Doyoufeelmycock?”hemurmured,hiseyesasdarkasthenightoutside
“Yes,”Imoaned,tryingtoopenmylegswidersoIcouldtakehimdeeperintome.
Hepushedhishandbetweenthecouchcushionandmywaistandliftedhisbodyupfrommine.
“Doesitfeelgood?”
Ibitmylipandnodded.Hewasthrustingintomesoslow,draggingmynervesallovertheplace.
Hislipsparted,andhewhispered,“Good.Nowyou’llneverforgethowitfeelstohaveallofmeinsideyou.”
Iwasn’treadyforthewayhestarteddrivingintome,hishandholdingmywaistinplaceashepushedhiscockallthewayinonlytopullitbackandworkitintomeagain.
Hewashittingmesodeep,sohard,therewasnowayIcouldholdbackmyscreamsandgroans,nordidIwantto.
Istartedtofeelmyselftightenaroundhim,hisownmoansandgroansadistantsoundtomyears.Mytoescurledandsomethingstartedtogrowinsideme,buildingrightinmycore.Adamkeptfuckingmeatarelentlesspace,hishipsgrindingintomeeverytimehewentintoodeep.Thesound…oh,thesoundofourthighsslappingtogether,mywetness…
“That’sit,Lucy.That’sit.”
IgrabbedontoAdam’shard-as-stonebicepsandstartedtoshakewithmyorgasm.Oh,whenthiswasover,Iwasgoingtokillhim.
“Comeon,Lucy,”hemurmuredthroughclenchedteeth.“That’sthebestyou’vegot?Givememore.Givemeeverythingyouhave.”
JustwhenIthoughtthepleasureripplingthroughmybodywasabouttostop,hechangedhisangleandhitadifferentspotinmeanditallstartedagain
“Holyshit!Holyshit!Holyshit!”Ikeptchantingandthrewmyhandbackinthehopesofgrabbingontothearmofthecouch.Whatmyhandconnectedwithwasn’tthecouch;itwasthelampshadeonthesidetablejustnexttothecouch.
Mybodyburningupwithmyreleasefromtheinsideout,Iignoredthecrashingsoundandtriedtocalmmybodydowninstead.Hewasnotgoingtogivemeaheartattack!Mybodystillshaking,IpulledatAdam’shair.
“Youhavetostop,”Igasped,mywordsbarelymakinganysense.“Something’swrong.Adam,stop.”
Hesloweddownhisthrusts,buttheywerestilltoodeep,makingmyboobsbounceateverythrust.Thetipofhiscockwasstilltouchingthatperfectspot.Iwasfeelingtoodamnmuch.
Mylegswerestillshaking,mybodystillonfire.“Youbastard,”Imanagedtosay.“Yousaidyou’dmakelovetome,notfuckmeoutofmymind.”
HiseyesfollowedmineandsawthatIwastryingtokeepmylegssteadywithmyhand.Leaningback,hepushedhisarmunderoneofmylegs,holdingitupandstraightagainsthischest.
“Therearenorules,Lucy.ThisishowImakelovetoyou.”
“Oh,youstupid,handsomeasshole.Youbrokemyvagina.”
Hepulledoutuntilonlytheheadwasin,curvedmylegbehindhisback,andthenslowlyslidallthewaybackinside.Hehadmemoaningunderhiminseconds.
“Yourpussyfeelsperfectlyfinetome,”hemurmuredandtookmylipsagain.
Hewaspushingintomesoslowly,playingwithmynerves.
Sinceitwasallshottohell,Iheldhisfaceinmyhandsandstaredathim.“Makemecomeagain,Adam.Iwanttocomeonyourcockagain.”Ifthiswasmyonenightwithhim,Iwantedtocomearoundhimandonhimasmanytimesaspossible.
“Fuck,Lucy,you’restillpulsingaroundme.Don’tworry,I’llmakeyoucomearoundmeallnight.”
Iletgoofhisfaceandarchedmyback,pullinghiminsidemeagain.Helickedmynippleandthewetness,thewarmthofhistonguemademyentirebodyshudderunderhim.
“Iloveseeingyoutrembleunderme.”
Iarchedaneyebrowandstayedquiet.MyentirefocuswasonarchingmybackandmovingmyhipssoIcouldmeethisthrustsandtakehiscockdeeperintome,whereitneededtobe.“Andthispussy…”Hepulledoutcompletely,givingmemyfirstlookathishard,thickcockashehelditinhishand.
God!Ireallylikedhiscock.Ireally,reallylikedhiscock.
Thentwoofhisfingerswerepushingintome,andhewasswirlingmywetnessallovermystomach.“Lookhowwetitisforme.Lookhowmuchitlovesmycock.”
Oh,hehadnoidea.
WhilehiseyesweretakingineveryinchofmybodyandhowIglistenedwithmyownjuicesspreadoutalloverme,myeyeswereonhiscockandthatthickveinIcouldseethroughthecondom.
IpromisedmyselfIwouldtakehimintomymouthbeforethenightended,withthesolepurposeofmakinghimjustascrazyashewasmakingme.
ChapterSeventeenAdam
Myheartthumpinginmychest,mycockashardasarockinmyhand,Itookintheexpressiononherface.WhenI’ddroppedAidenoffathisfriend’shouse,Iwasn’texpectingavisitfromLucy.Ididn’tthinkshe’dcomeanywherenearme,atleastforafewdayswhileherangerburnedout.
Butshe’dcome.She’dmanagedtoclearmyheadofmytroublingthoughtsanddroppedabombrightatmyfeet.
Pregnant.Shewaspregnant.
Andshehadorderedmetomakelovetoher.
Howcouldanyonesaynotothat?Moreimportantly,toher.Icertainlycouldn’t,notwhenshelookedatmeasifherworldwouldcrumbleifIturnedherdown.Evenmoreimportantly,Ididn’twanttosaynotoher.
Thepregnancy…itdidn’tchangehowIfelttowardher.Itdidn’tchangethefactthatIstillwantedher.Butwherediditputme?Whatdiditmeanforher?Wouldshegetbackwithherex?Moveaway?
Insteadofgettinganswerstothosequestions,Idecidedtogivehersomethingshewouldn’tforget,somethingshecouldn’tjustpushawaywiththebackofherhand.
Standingoverherwithmycockinmyhand,Igavemyselfafewlazystrokesasshewatchedmeintently.
Afterhavingatasteofhertightpussy,myhandwasn’tdoingitforme.Butforher,forthatlookinhereyes,Ididn’tmindgivingheralittleshow
Iletgoofmycockandletitrestforamoment.
Gettingup,ItookLucy’shandandpulledherup.
“Holdontothebackofthecouch.”
Shearchedaneyebrow,butdidn’tquestionme.Insecondsshewasonherknees,archingherbackandgivingmethebestfuckingviewofherass.
“Whatthehellisthat?”sheasked.Ifollowedhereyestothecouchcushion.
Reachingforoneperfectasscheek,IgentlystrokedandthenpulleditapartsoIcouldseeherpink,wetpussy.Ipushedmyhandbetweenherlegsandheardherwhimperwhentwoofmyfingersenteredher.
“Sore?”Iasked.
“I’mokay.Youdidn’tanswerme.Didyoucome?”
IlookedatthewetspotonthecouchandgotclosertohersoIcouldpushmycockagainstthesoft,softskinofherperfectass.
“DiditfeellikeIcame?That’sallyou.”
Herheadwhippedback,andshegavemeashockedlook.“What?”shewhispered.
Ipushedmyfingersdeeperintoherandherbackarchedtotakemore.Icouldn’tlookawayfromherredlips,thoseteethpullingontheswollenskin.
Pullingmyfingersoutofher,Ifoundherclitandgaveitagentlesqueeze.
“Allyou,Lucy,”Irepeated.“Itoldyou,yourpussyisveryhappywithmyfour-inchcock.”
Shegavemeasmallsmileoverhershoulder,herfingerswhiteknuckledassheheldontothecouch.“ThankGodyou’renotfourinches.ItwouldbesodisappointingandI’dfeelsoverysorryforyou.”
Ipushedmycockinbetweenherlegsandgaveheragentlethrustsoshecouldfeelitslideagainsthersensitiveclit.
Thatwipedthesmileoffherface,andIwasfascinatedwiththesmallscowlthatreplacedit.
Iheldherhipsinplaceandasked,“Readyforyourthirdorgasm?”
“Second.”
“Lucy.”Inoddedtowardthewetspot.“Youalmostsquirtedforme.Youcameforthesecondtimebeforethefirstonewasdone.That’stwo.”
Shepursedherlipsandstayedquiet
Irestedmyhipsagainstherassandpulledatherhairuntilherbackwasrestingagainstmyfront.
“Iaskedifyouareready.”
Hersmallhandfoundmycock,andshesqueezedthehead.Mybodyshudderedwithpleasure,andIbitherneck,drinkinguphermoans.
“I’lltakethatasayes.”
Ipushedherfrontdown,grabbedmycock,andafterafewhardstrokes,slowlypushedintoherinoneslowmovement,notstoppinguntilshehadeveryinchofmeinsideher.
Hearingherexhaleinonebigrushandseeingherwidenherlegsstiffenedmycockevenfartherinsideher,sowhenshetriedtomoveforwardandaway,Isqueezedoneasscheekinmypalmasasilentorderforhertostaystillandtookastepclosertoher.
“Shit,”shegroanedwhenIgaveherthelastbitagain.“You’resodeep,”shemutteredalmosttoherself,herheadhanging.
“Lookatyourass,”Iwhisperedhuskily,myvoicesoundingtoothicktomyownears.Imassagedherflesh,stroking,admiring.“Lookatthatbeautifulass.”
Asmycockwasthrobbinginsideher,Iwasunabletostopmyselffromgentlymassaginghertightlittlehole.Wouldsheletmein?
Myfingersstillslickwithherwetness,Igentlypushedinafinger,andshegroaned,herheadfalling,herbodytryingtopullawayfromtheintrusion.“Maybenottoday,”Isaid,yetstillpushedinfartheruntilshelookedatmeoverhershoulder.
“You’renotthatlucky,Connor.”
Ipulledoutandpushedinagain,makingsureIwasmovingmycockinandoutofherslickheattoo.Herheadlolleddownagain,andshereleasedanothergroan.
“Maybenottoday,”Irelented.Igrabbedherhipsandletherhaveitforafullminute.Shallowthrustsmixedinwithdeep,hardones.
“Yes,yes,Adam,fuck,rightthere,rightthere.”
Hercriesofpleasurefueledmetogivehermoreasmyhandstightenedonherhips.Pullingher,pushingher…poundingherwitheverythinginme.
Iletoneofmyhandsslideupherback,caressingthehotskinbetweenhershoulderblades.Shelookedsobeautiful,soopenatthatmoment.Tomycock.Tome.Butshewastoofaraway,herlips,herskin…Iwantedhereyesholdingmine.
Iroundedmyhandonherthroatandpulledherbackupagainstmychestagain.Isawgoosebumpsonherarms,thepulseonherneckerratic,herbreathingshaky.
Icouldhaveherlikethiseveryday,Ithoughttomyself.Icouldhaveherlikethiseverydayanditstillwouldn’tbeenough.
“Lookatyou,”Iwhisperednexttoherear,myhandstillaroundherthroat,mycockstillmovinginandoutofher.
Shepushedherassback,andIclosedmyeyes.
“Sobeautiful,”Isaidreverently.“Sofuckingbeautiful.Doesmycockfeelgood,Lucy?”Iaskedandfeltherbodytremble.
Ipulledbackanddroveintoher.Hard.
Shegasped,herhandcominguptorestonmyhandthatwasonherthroat,fingerscurlingaroundmywrist.
“Sofuckinggood,”shewhisperedhuskily.“Willyoupoundintome?Makeithurt?”
Iletmyotherhandmoveupfromherhipsandpalmedherbreast.“Youwantmetohurtyou?”
“Ithurtssogoodwhenyou’re—”
Openingmylegswiderbehindher,Ithrustupandgroanedwhenhermusclesclenchedaroundme.Herbreathhitched,herlipslazilystretchingintoasmile.
Icouldseemysweatdrippingontoherskinasshecreamedaroundmycock.
Roughlygrippingherchin,Iturnedherheadsoshecouldmeetmyeyes,nothingbutrawpleasureanddeephungerinthosestormyeyes.
“Youwantmetogodeeponyou.”Itwasn’taquestion.“Diditfeelgoodwhenyoucameallovermycock,Lucy?Youlikedhowthatfelt,huh?”
Bitingherlip,shenodded.
Holdingherbodyflushagainstmine,Istartedpumpingintoher,ourskinslapping.
Sheclosedhereyesandthatlittlefrownappearedagain.
“Kissme,”Iordered.“KissmeandI’llgiveittoyouagain.”
Tomysurprisehereyeslookedbewilderedwhensheopenedthem.Didn’tsheseewhatwasgoingonwithme?
“Kissme,Lucy,”Isaid,gentlerthistime.Igrabbedherarmsandplacedthemaroundmyneck.Inibbledonherchin,myhipsmovingtooslowforeitheroneofustoloseitandcome.“Kissme,baby,soIcanmakeyoucomeallovermycockagain.Don’tyouwantthat,Lucy?Ireallyneedtofeelthissweetpussytightenaroundme.Willyougivethattome?Willyouletmecomeinsideyou?”Ifoundherclitwithmyfingertipsandtenderlystrokedher,causinghermusclestoripplearoundme.
Shemoanedandletmehaveherlips.Holdingherchininonehandandherhipsintheother,Iworkedmycockintoherwithsteady,fastthrusts.Forasecondhermouthpartedfrommine,andshemoaneddeepfromherthroatasherheaddroppedbackagainstmychest.
IkissedherandswallowedeverysoundshemadeasIpickedupmypace.Herhandstightenedaroundmyneck,herfingersgrabbingmyhair,pullingandpullingandpullinguntilIhadtoclosemyeyesandfocusonanythingotherthanhowshewaspushingmeintocompletemadness.Igroanedintohermouth,suckinghersweettongue.
Shebrokeapartfrommylipsandbentoverthecouch,lettingmewatchherasspushingbacktotakemoreofmeinsideher.
“Oh,God,Adam.Oh,God.”
IwipedawaythesweatfrommyforeheadandgrabbedherhipssoIcouldpoundharderintoher.
“Yes.Yes.Harder.Rightthere,Adam.Yes!”
“Widenyourlegs,Lucy.”
Icouldseeherlegsshaking,herarmsbarelyholdingon,butshestillopenedthemwider.
“You’resothick.Sodeep.Ilovethat,”shemurmured,anditwasallIcoulddonottopuffoutmychestasIlistenedtohermoaninpleasure.“Please,don’tstop.Soclose,Adam.Soclose.”
Myhandsholdingontohersmallwaist,IdroveintoherwitheverythingIhad.I’dneverfeltsobiginmyentirelifeasIwatchedherpussytakemycock,myballsslappingagainstherskin.I’dneverfeltsofullandcompleteandright.
Sofuckingright.
Aperfectpair.
“Talktome,Adam.I’msoclose,pleasetalktome.”
Isuckedinabreath,barelyholdingontomysanity.Shewasrightontheedge,secondsawayfromtakingmedownwithher.
Shewasaballofpleasurewaitingtoburstwideopenrightundermyhands,rightaroundmycock.
“Comeon,Lucy,”Iwhisperedbreathlessly,splayingmyhandonherbackandstrokingsoftly.“Squeezeme.DoyoufeelhowhardIamforyou?”Ileanedoverherbody,slightlychangingmyangle,andithither.“That’sit,Lucy.That’sit.Comeonmycock,sweetheart.”
Shesuckedinherbreathandsilentlybrokeapartrightinfrontofmyeyes.Herwholebackeruptedwithgoosebumps,herpussysqueezingmycocktodeath,herbodyshivering.Notwantingtohurtherbybeingtoorough—rougherthanI’dalreadybeen—Igroundintoher,barelyholdingmyownreleaseback.
Whenshepushedbackagainstmycockandletoutaloudmoan,itwasmyundoing.Igrounddeeperintoherandletmyselfgoasshekeptshakingunderme.Herarmsgaveupandsherestedherfaceagainstthecouch,lettingmepushdeepintoherasIcamewithhardthrobsinsideher.
Asherwallskeptmilkingme,Ialmostcollapsedontoherbody.
Instead,Itookadeepbreathandtriedtoslowdownmywildheartbeat.Shewasnevergettingawayfromme,notafterthisnight,notafterwhatshe’djustgivenme.
“Lucy,”Imurmuredsoftly.Myhandsshaking,Istrokedherback,andsheflinched,herskintoosensitive.ShewasdrenchedinsweatjustasmuchasIwas.Iranmyhandupanddownherwarmskin,gentlymassagingthebaseofherneckasIslowlypulledoutofhertotakecareofthecondom.
“Ihaveto…”Istarted,buttherestdidn’tcomesinceIchosetolistentoherharshintakeofbreathasIseveredourconnection.Itiedtheendandthrewitonthefloor.
Stillonherknees,Lucystraightenedup,andIsawherhanddisappearbetweenherlegs.
“Shit.”
“What?”Iasked,standingbehindheragain.
“Nothing.”
Ignoringherprotests,Idippedmyhandinbetweenherslickfoldsandcaressedherswollenflesh.Shetwitchedinmyarms.“What’swrong?”
“Toowet,”shereplied,soundingalmostannoyed.
“Thereisnosuchthing.”Idippedmyfingersinsideher,barelygettingin,andthenlickedmyfingerscleanofherasshewatchedmeoverhershoulderwithhermouthparted.
“Ihateyousomuch,”shewhispered,hereyesfocusedonmylips.
Ikissedher.TherewasnothingelseIcoulddowhenshewassoclose,sonaked.
Somine.
Igrippedherchinandkissedherharder.
“Ihavetoleave.”
Ofcourseshe’dwantthat.
“You’renotleavingthishousetonight.”
“Trytostopme.”
“Wehaven’ttastedeachother,yet,Lucy.”Igrabbedherhandandputitaroundmyhalf-hardcock.Shestrokedmeandstoppedatthebase,squeezing.
“Gentle,”Iwhispered,kissingherneck.
“Ijustwatchedyoutasteme.”
“That’snotenough.Iwanttoeatyouout.Andyouhaven’ttastedmeyet.”
“Areyouofferingasixty-nine,AdamConnor?”
“I’mofferingeverything,”Isaid,nudgingherwithmynoserightbehindherear.
Shestoppedbreathingforafewseconds,andIwasafraidIwasgoingtohavetocarryhertomybedroomandlockthedooronus,butthenshesaid,“Sixty-nineisagoodoffer,andIdowanttotakethatgorgeouscockintomymouth.”
“Good,”Imurmured,runningmyhandupanddownonherstomach.
Ihelpedheroffthecouchandtookherreluctanthandinmine.Shelookeddownatherclothesandbentdowntopickthemup.
Huggingherfromherbehind,Ipulledherup.
“Don’t,”Iwhisperednearherear.“Don’t.Iwanttoseeyouonmybed,legsspreadwideopen.”
DidshethinkIcouldn’tfeelherbodyshiveragainstmine?Howlongdidshethinkshecouldhideherselffromme?
Shelaughedsoftly.“Itwon’tmakemehateyouless.”
“Ibelieveit’stoolateforthat,Lucy.Youalreadylikemetoomuch,”Isaidinathickvoice.“Maybeevenmorethanyoulikedhavingmycockinyourbody.”
Idugmyfingersintothesoftskinaroundherhips,wishingnothingmorethantoimprintmyselfonhersoshewouldremember,soshewouldknowwhohadtouchedher,whohadheldhertrembling,beggingbodyinhisarmswhensheneededtobeheldbysomeonewhocared.
Itdidn’tsurprisemethatIwantedtobethatforher—thoughIknewshe’dyellatmeforevensuggestingsheneededsomeonetoholdherup.IguessthatwaswhathaddrawnmetohersincethatfirstdayIheldherbodyagainstmine,oureyesshowingnothingbuthatredforeachotherminutesbeforeIhadthecopswalkheroffmyproperty.
ThemoreIwatchedher,themoreIlistenedtoher,heardwhatshewassayingwithoutevenmovingherlips,thedeepershepulledmein.
AdamConnorCaughtattheAirportwithHisSon:Kidnapping?
ThephotosbelowshowAdamConnorcarryinghisfive-year-oldsonthroughthedoorsofLAXastheyarerushingtocatchtheirflighttoFrance.ThefactthatAidenConnorwashidinghisfaceinhisfather’sneckasthecamerassnappedphotosofthemhurryingthroughthegatesshowshowmuchhewasaffectedbywhathappenedthelasttimehewasatthesameairport.ThefatherandsonwereflyingtoParistoattendthebirthdaypartyofVictoriaConnor,who’sbeenlivinginFranceforalmostsixyears.HelenaandNathanConnorleftthecityhandinhandjustdaysbeforetoattendthesamebirthdayparty.We’renotsureifAiden’smomwasinvitedornot,butweknowshehasn’tleftthecitysinceherreturnfromNewYork.
ApartfromfeelingbadaboutlittleAidenConnor,couldthequietmoviestargetanyhotter?Wedon’tknowaboutyou,buttheprotectivefatherthingisreallyworkingforusatthemoment.Ifyoudon’tthinkthephotoscapturingthefatherandsonareenoughofananswer,wehavenoideawhatwillbe.SincethenewsaboutAdamConnorfilingforsolecustodyofAidenConnorhitthemedia,thisisthefirsttimethepairhasbeenseeninpublic.AdelineYoung,however,hasremainedquietasfarasweknow.Andtrustus,weknowplentyaboutthesetwo.
WecanalmosthearyouaskingwhatelsewecanshareaboutAdamConnorandAdelineYoung.WeknowtherearerumorscirclingaroundthatAdamConnorhasstarteddatingagain(yes,wewerejustasshocked),andthatthisnewdevelopmentwasoneofthemainreasons(otherthantheairportincident,ofcourse)hedecidedtochangethecustodyagreement.Fromwhatwe’veheardfromnumeroussourcesclosetothemoviestar,hisnewwomanisn’thappyaboutAdamhavingconstantcontactwithhisex-wife,whetheritisabouttheirsonoranyotherissue.ApparentlyshewasagreatinfluenceontheAcademyAward-winningmoviestarwhenhedecidedtogoaheadwiththecustodybattle.
Ontheothersideofthering,AdelineYoungwasseenwiththefamousdirectorJonathanCameronastheywereleavingarestaurantopeningjustthisweek.Whiletheycouldhavebeenhavingameetingaboutafutureproject,wehavestatementsfrommultipleonlookersthatAdelinewasshowingsignsofdistresswhileJonathanwastryingtocalmher.CouldthisbeAdelineYoung’snewboyfriend?Tobehonestwithyou,itwouldn’tsurpriseus;weknewitwascoming.ThecoupleleftthebuildingtogetheranddroveawayinJonathan’scar,neitherofthemansweringthequestionsthrownatthemupontheirexit.
Doyouthinktheyarebothmovingonwiththeirlives?Movingontootherpeople?
WearestillhopingthenewsaboutAdamConnordatingisn’ttruesowecankeepdreamingaboutbecomingthefamousactor’snewloveinterest.Itcouldhappen.Youneverknow.
ChapterEighteenLucy
IwokeupinAdamConnor’sarmsbeforethesunrise,beforethestarscouldfullydisappear.He’dmademecomemoretimesthanI’devercomebeforeinonesinglenight.Hehadwellandtrulybrokenmyvagina,andIcouldn’tfinditinmetobeangrywithhim.Ididn’tremembergoingtosleepholdinghishand,butassoonasIbecameawareofwhereIwas,Iletgoofitimmediately.
Imovedmyfingers,openingandclosingmyhandtogetridofthealienfeeling.Thewarmth.Thesuddenemptiness.
Iwasdeliciouslysore,somethingIwould’vecelebratedbyembarrassingOliveifitwereanyothertime,butIwastooangryatmyselfforfallingasleepinAdam’sbedtoeventhinkaboutrunningtoOlivetowakeherup.
Slidingoffthebed,Iallowedmyselfonelastlookatthenearperfectionthatwaslyinginthemiddleofthebed
Thatchest.
Thatcock.
Thosefingers.
Oh,thoselips
Thosedirty,dirtylipsthathadwhisperedevendirtierthingstometheentirenight.
Withoutmakingasound,Ifoundmywaybacktothelivingroom,putonmyclothes,andwalkedoutofhishome.
***
“Goodmorning,Lucy,”JasongreetedmeashetrailedbehindOlive.
Olivewasquiet,hereyestrainedonmeindeepconcentration.
“Goodmorning.Imadepancakes.”Ipushedtheplateholdingastackoftwentypancakesforwardandflippedanotheroneonthepan.“Getagoodnight’ssleep?”
“Youdidn’twakemeup.”
IglancedatOliveovermyshoulderandopenedthefridgetotakeouttheapplejuice.
“Goodmorningtoyou,too,sunshine.Andyou’rewelcome.”
“Whydidn’tyouwakemeup?”
“Becauseyouhitanyonewhotriestowakeyouup.”
“Youreallydo,”JasonmurmuredashekissedOlive’stempleandreachedtotakeapancake.
WithJason’shelp,Oliveclimbeduptositononeofthebarstoolsandkeptawatchingeyeonme.
IhandedJasonthemaplesyrupandtookouttheplateoffruitIhadcutupbeforestartingthepancakes.
SlidingthehotpancakeontoOlive’splate,Istartedonanotherone.“I’mgonnagocheckouttheapartmentItoldyouabout.You’llcomewithme?”
“Becausethat’sthemostimportantthingweshoulddorightnow,right?Findyouanapartment.”
Jason’shandstoppedmidairashewasabouttoreachforapieceofbanana
Isighedandflippedthepancake.
“I’llleaveyougirlsalonetotalk,”JasonmutteredbeforedroppingakissonOlive’sneck.Roundingtheisland,hetookoutabottleofwaterfromthefridgeandsurprisedmebywrappingahandaroundmyarmandpullingmeagainsthischest.
“Benicetoouradopteddaughter,Olive,”hesaidwithcare,hishandstrokingmyarm.
IsmiledandwiggledmyeyebrowsatOlive.
Asananswer,shegaveJasontheevileyeandaskedme,“Whyareyouwalkingfunny?”
Mysmilestretchedbigger.“BecauseAdamConnorfuckedmeforhours.”
“Ohhh-kay.I’mgoingtotakeashowerbeforeImeetupwithTom.Playnice,”heremindedusasheleftthekitchen.
“Youdidn’tcomehomelastnight.”
Iturnedoffthestoveandleanedontheisland.“That’strue,Mom.”
Shenoddedandstartedplayingwiththecoffeemuginfrontofher.
“Doyouwantcoffee?”
“No.”
“Applejuice?”
Aslighthesitation…then,“Yes.”
Ipouredtwoglassesofapplejuiceandhandedherone.Itwasafavoriteforbothofus.
“DidyoutalktoJameson?”
“Notyet.IwantedyoutobenexttomewhenImadethatcall.”
Hershouldersrelaxed,andIknewI’dgivenhertherightanswer.
Shetookasipofherjuicethenreachedforapieceofmango.Ididthesameandthenreachedformyfirstpancake.
“Arewegoingtohaveababy,Lucy?”
IpouredagoodamountofmaplesyruponmypancakeandtookafewbitesbeforeIcouldanswer.“We’rehavingababy.”
Oliveputanotherpancakeandafewpiecesoffruitonherplate.“Weshouldmakeanappointmentwithadoctor.Besure.”
“Yes.DoyourememberKarla?”
Shenodded.
“Igotintouchwithhertheotherdaytoseeifshe’dwanttobemyroommatebecauseIknewshewashavingtroublewithhers.”Olive’sshoulderstensedupagain.“Anyway,herdadisadoctor,soIthoughtwecouldgethishelp.”
“WillyoucallJamesonbeforeorafterthedoctor?”
Ishruggedandfinishedmypancake.
“Youokay?”
“NothingelseIcandonow,mygreenOlive.”
Forawhileweateinsilence.Wedidn’tmanagetofinishallthepancakes,butdefinitelyputadentinthestack.
“AndAdam?”
Howtoanswerthatloadedquestion…
“You’resmiling,”Olivecommented,avertinghergazewhenmyheadsnappedup.“Eventhoughyou’retoostubborntoadmitit,Icanseethatyoulikehim.”
Ipartedmylipstomakeajokeofit,butshecutmeoff.“I’mglad,Lucy.I’mgladitwentwellwithhimlastnight.Youdeservetobehappy,evenifit’sjustforanightwhenitcouldbeforlongerthanthat.”
Shefinishedherapplejuiceandjumpedoffthebarstool.“Oh,andyes.I’dliketocometolookatyourapartment…ifyou’restillthinkingofgettingone,ofcourse.”
Withthosecrypticlastwords,sheleftmestandinginthekitchen.
AfewminuteslaterJasonwasback.
“Youokay,daughterofmine?”
“Issheangrywithme?”
Hesighed.“Sheisn’tangrywithyou.It’sjust…lastnightsherealizedyoumightmovetoPittsburgh.”
“Oh,forGod’ssake!MovetoPittsburgh?TobewithJameson?”
“Forthebaby…”
IpushedtheremainingpancakestowardJasonanddumpedsomemaplesyruponthem.
“IhaveameetingwithTom,Lucy.Idon’thavetime—”
“Eat,”Iordered.“I’mapregnantladynow.Don’tupsetme.Islavedoverthestovetofeedyoutwo.Eat.”
Dutifully,hetookabite.
Leavinghiminthekitchen,Icalledout,“Olive!MylittlegreenOlive!Youstillhaven’taskedaboutAdam’scocksize.IthinkheisthickerthanJason!”
IheardJasonchokingonhispancakesasIheadedtowardOlive’sroom.“AndIhavetotellyouaboutwhathedidtomewiththatcockonhiscouch,againstthewall,andonhisbed!”
***
Adam:Answeryourphone,Lucy.
Lucy:Goaway.
Adam:Youcan’tleavemybedlikethatagain
Lucy:Iwon’tbeinyourbedagain.
Adam:IwillbebackfromParisintwodayswithAiden.Makenomistake,Lucy.Wewilltalk.Andtrustme…youwillcometomybedagain.
Lucy:Inyourdreams.
Adam:Andyours.
Thebastard.
***
“Hello?Lucy?”
“Hi,Jameson.Howareyou?”
Adeepsighcamethroughtheline.“Ididn’tthinkyou’dcallme,notafterignoringmytexts.”
Olivewassittingnexttomeinhercar,andwewerefinallycallingJameson.OlivepressedherearontheothersideofthephoneandgavemeaninnocentsmilewhenIfrownedather.Sighing,Iputthecallonspeaker.
Ishiftedthephonetomyotherhandandshooktheleftone,tryingtosteadytheshaking.Iwasturningintoacompletechickenshit.
“Ididn’tignorethem,”IrepliedwhenJamesoncalledmynameagain.
“Youdidn’tanswerthem,Lucy.”
“Therewasn’tanythinglefttosay.”
“You’rewrong.Westillhavethingstosay.Imissyou.”
IglancedatOlive.“Well,yes.Nowwedohavethingstosay.That’swhyIcalledyou.”
“Youmissedmetoo,”hesaidinthatsilky,seductivetoneofhis.
Ikeptsilentandlistenedtomyheartjustforasecond…andrealizedthatitdidn’ttremblewhenitheardthatfamiliarvoiceitusedtolikesomuch.Itwasn’tright,didn’tholdthatteasingtonemyheartwasfavoringthesedays.
“I’msorry,Jameson,butthat’snotthereasonIcalled.I-I-I…I’mgoingtocallyouback.”
Iendedthecallanddroppedmyheadbackontheheadrest.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Oliveasked.
Iturnedtheradioon,thinkingmaybesomemusicwouldhelpquietmymind.
Oliveturneditoff.“What’sgoingon?”
“DoIhavetotellhim?Imeannow?DoIhavetotellhimnow?Weareabouttoenterthedoctor’soffice.Can’twecallhimafterwegettheresults?”
SomehowOlivewasmuchcalmerthanIwas;usuallyitwastheotherwayaround.
Shegrabbedmyhandandgaveitasqueeze.“Breathe,Lucy.”
Itookadeepbreath.
“Doyouwanttobethewindtoday?”
Ismiled.
“Whatwillyoube?Abirdflyingwithme?”
“Ifthat’swhatyouwant.”
“You’dbeacutebird.Beingthewind,I’llknockyoudown,andJasoncancomeandrescueyouthenyoucanhavebirdsexand—”
“Again.Breathe,Lucy.”
Iexhaled.
“Oh,God,Olive,”Igroanedandlookedatherunderstandingeyes.“WhatdidIdo?”
“Nothing.Youdidnothing.Itjusthappened.Andthat’sokay.It’llbeokay.Whatevertheresultsare,yougotthis.Sowe’llhaveababy.It’llbetheluckiestkidtohaveyouasamother,andsheorhewillhaveakickassaunt.”
“Ireallydon’tthinkso.Thecurseshould’veendedwithme.Now—”
“Now,nothing.You’renotcursed,Lucy.”Anothersqueezearoundmyhand.“Callhimback.Tellhimwhat’sgoingonandthenthat’sit.We’llwalkoutofthecarandgointothedoctor’sofficetogether.Justonestepatatime.”
Shewasright.Iknewshewasrightandtherewasnopointoffreakingout,butthenwhywasmyheartbeatinginmystomach?Isthatthebaby?
“Okay,I’mfreakingout,”Ipointedouttheobvious.
“Doyouwantmetotellhim?”
“No.No.”ItookafewdeepbreathsandcalledJamesonback.
“Lucy?Areyouokay?”
Itdidn’tescapemynotice—orOlive’s—thathehadn’tcalledmebackassoonasI’dendedthecall.Ifhemissedmelikehekeptsaying,wouldn’thehavecalledback?Jasonwould’vecalledOlivebackinaheartbeatjusttomakesureshewasokay.SoJamesonwasmymistake.
“I’msorry,”Isaidintothephone.“I’msorry,Ifreakedout.”
Histonewassharperwhenhedemandedtoknowwhatwasgoingon.
IgavehimthenewsasstraightasIcould.“Ithoughtyou’dwanttoknow,”Ibegan.“Itookapregnancytest.”Completesilence.Iclosedmyeyes.“Itwaspositive,buttheyarenotalwaysaccurate,soIhaveanappointmentwithadoctorinafewminutesandI’llletyouknowwhatIlearnfromthoseresults.”
Stillcompletesilence.
“Jameson?Areyouthere?”
IglancedatOliveandsawthatshewasbitingherlip,anxiouslywaitingforJamesontosaysomething.Anything.Sheraisedhereyebrows.Ibroughtthephoneclosertomylips.“James—”
“Yes.Yes.I’mhere.I’msorry.Soyou’repregnant.Withababy.Mybabytobespecific.Iwasn’texpectingthat.”
Ichosetobelievehewasn’ttryingtoimplythatthebabymightnotbehis.“Yeah.Meneither.”
“Youwereonthepill.”Therewasnoaccusationinhistone.
“Iwas.”
“Wow.Lucy…wow.”
Thecornerofmymouthtippedup,andItouchedmystomach.“Yeah.”
“Whatwillyoudo?Whatdidyoudecidetodo?Withthebaby,Imean.”
Nice,Ithought.Verynice.Thatprettymuchwipedthesmileoffmyface.AquicklookatOliveandIsawshewassecondsawayfromspeakingup.
“Right,”Isaidquickly.“I’llletyouknowaftertheresults.Ihavetogonow.Goodbye,Jameson.”
“Thebastard,”OlivespatoutassoonasI’dendedthecall.
“Can’tsayIdon’tagree.”
“Ididn’tthinkIcouldhatehimanymore.Givemethephone,I’mgonnacallhimback.”
IheldmyphonetighterinmyhandandmoveditawayfromOlive.“Anddowhatexactly?”Ishookmyheadandundidmyseatbelt.“Let’sjustgoupand…and…gopeeinacuporwhatever.”
“IdecidedthatwhenI’mwritingyourstory,I’mgoingtokillJameson.I’mgoingtomakeyoumarryAdamConnorandthenkillJamesonoff.”
Ipattedherarm.“That’sthespirit.”
ChapterNineteenAdam
OurtriptoParischangednothing.Everyyear,wetookAidenwithus,despiteAdeline’sobjections,andeveryyearIaskedthesamequestions,scaredoutofmymindthattheanswerswouldchange.OtherthanthefactthatAdelinehadn’tjoinedusonourtrip,nothinghadchanged.Nottheanswers.Notthecity.Notthepeopleinit.Notanything.
“Daddy?CanIgoseemyfriendfirst?Iknowtheymissedme.”
“YoujusttalkedtoHenryafewhoursago,Aiden.I’msurehe’llmanageforadayuntilyouseehiminclass.”
“Butit’snotjustHenryorIsabel.”
Isabel,right.HowcouldIhaveforgottenaboutIsabel?
“YouFaceTimedIsabeljustyesterday,Ibelieve.”
“Yes,butit’snotjustthem.Ihavemorefriends,youknow.WhataboutLucy?WhataboutOlive?EvenJasonmust’vemissedme.Weweregonefordays.TellhimDan.”
ImetDan’seyesintherearviewmirror,andheshookhishead.
“Tellhim,”Aidenpressed.
“I’msuretheymissedyou,buddy.”
“See,Daddy?EvenDanmissedmewhenhedidn’tseemeforawholeday.Dangottoseeme,weshouldletthemseemetoo.”
“Aren’tyouforgettingsomeoneelse?”
Helookedatmesilently,eyesstillbegging.
“Yourmom?Shemissedyoutoo,buddy.”
“Shedid?”
Suchaninnocentquestion.
IcaughtDan’seyesagainashetookaleftturn,gettingclosertoAdeline’shouse.
“Ofcourse,littleman,”IrepliedtoAiden.
Henoddedsolemnlyandturnedhisheadtolookoutside,hugginghisiPadtohischest.
“I’llstaywithAiden,”Daninterruptedmybleakthoughts.“Youtakethecarandgotoyourmeetingwiththeagent.I’lldriveAdelinewherevershewantstogoinhercar.”
“Thankyou.I’msureshe’llappreciatethat.”
“Whenwillyoucomebacktotakeme?”Aidenasked,hisfingersswipingthescreenofhisiPadeventhoughthethingwasoutofbattery.
Iruffledhishair.“Yourmomgetstohaveyouforoneweek,buddy,remember?ThenI’llcomeandtakeyouhome.”
Nothingbutaquicknod.
Everythingwassetinmotion,butitwouldtaketimetogetfullcustody,whichwaswhyIhadtoadheretotheruleswehadsetbefore,afterthedivorce.Untilithappened,untilAidenstayedwithmefulltime,I’dcomeandcheckonhimmoreoften.IfthatmeantIhadtocomefacetofacewithAdelinemore,orshareadinnerortwointhattimeframe,I’dbeokaywiththat.
AfterdroppingAidenandDanoffatAdeline’sandwatchinghergiveAidenaquickhug,forthelifeofmeIcouldn’tunderstandhowshecouldn’tbondwithhimlikeamotherwassupposedtobondwiththeirkid.AtthetimeshehadwantedhimmorethanIdid.ShefoughtforhimmorethanIdid.Hewastheperfectboy.
Hewasperfect,andhewasmine.
***
Adam:Whyareyouhidingfromme?
Lucy:WhosaysI’mhiding?
Adam:Youdon’ttakemycalls.
Lucy:I’mtextingback,aren’tI?MaybeIdon’twanttohearyourvoice.MaybeIdon’tlikeit.Bealittlehumble.
Adam:Youlovemyvoice,Lucy.Youloveditwhenyouwerebeggingmetotalktoyousoyoucouldcomearoundmycock.Andyoucamesogloriously.
Lucy:Ihateyou.
Adam:Weneedtotalk.
***
“Howisshedoing?”IaskedJasonashemetmeintheirbackyard.Itwaslateatnight,thelightsintheirpooldim,thehousecompletelydark.
“Sheisokay,”hesaidafteramomentofhesitation.“Sheishandlingeverythingokay.But,that’sLucyforyou.Shewon’tcryandscreamaboutit.”
Iwasstartingtorealizethesame.
“Sheasleep?”
Henoddedandcrossedhisarmsoverhischest.
“Iheardyou’vebeentalkingtoTom.Jumpingship?”
“LastmovieisinproductionandI’mitchingtostartsomethingnew.BobDunhamhasbeengoodtome,butIdon’tthinkwe’reseeingeyetoeyeanymore.”
“I’veheardyou’recontractedforonemoremoviewithSunDownPictures.Howisthatgoing?”
Ishookmyheadandlookedbackattheirhouse.“Idon’tlikeit.Thatwashisfirstmistake.Theychangetheirpeopletoomuch.I’mnotabigfanofthewriterstheyhaverightnow.Istillhavetimeuntiltheendof2018.I’lldecideonsomething.Untilthen,IthinkitwillworkoutwithTom.”
“You’reingoodhands.Heisexcitedtotakeyouon.Sinceyou’rethefamilytype,he’soverthemoonthathe’llhavenoproblemswithyouinthemedia.”
Ichuckled.“Notmuchofafamilyleft.”
“Still.Idon’tbelieveyouhaveanysortofsextapehiddenaway,doyou?”Jasonarchedhisbrowashewaitedforananswer.
“Idon’tbelieveIdo.”
“Thenyou’regolden.AfterthescaresI’vegivenhimforyears,Idon’tthinkhecangothroughitalloveragain.Otherthanthislatestnewsfrenzyaboutyourdivorceandex-wife,Irarelyseeyouonanyofthetabloidcovers—unlessit’safamilyphoto,thatis.You’reTom’sdreamactor.He’llhavefunworkingwithyou.”
Tired,Irubbedthebackofmyneck.“Wehadagoodmeetingtheotherday.HesaidhemighthavesomethingI’dbeinterestedin.We’llseehowitgoes.”ThinkingI’dheardadooropen,Ilookedovermyshoulder.
Jasonlaughed,thesoundlowandwarm.“It’salittlelatetopayheravisit,don’tyouthink?Butifyouwanttoseeifsheisokayornotwithyourowneyes,Ican’tfaultyouforthat.”
“Ifyoudon’tmind.”
Hismouthstillcurvedupattheedges,hedroppedhisarmsandgesturedformetowalkaheadofhim.“Ifsheattacksyou,it’sonyou.”
“I’lltakemychances,”Imuttered.Ifiguredshewasprobablygoingtomakeascene,butmaybeI’dgetluckyandslipoutofherroomwithoutwakingher.
StoppinginfrontofLucy’sroom,Jasonwhispered,“Wecareabouther,Connor.Ihopeyouknowwhatyou’redoing.”
Withoutmakinganyfurthercomment,IduckedmyheadandenteredLucy’sroom.
Justlikeherpersonality,shesleptallwildandfree:legstangledinthesheets,faceburiedinherpillows,herbodysprawledrightinthemiddleofthebed.Itwastoodarktonoticeanythingotherthanherbeautifulsilhouette.
FromwhereIstood,shelookedpeaceful,yetmyfeetstilltookmeclosertomakesure.Ipushedafewstrandsofherhairoutofherfaceandwatchedhersleep.
Shehiccupped.
Ismiledandfoundmyselfgettinginbedwithher.I’dbeenoutallnight.Rushingtoameetingwithmylawyers.Havingdinnerwiththedirectoraswediscussedtheproductionprocessforthemovie.Talkingtomynewpublicist.TalkingwiththeproductioncompanyaboutwhichshowsI’dhavetoappearonforthepromotionofthenewmovie.I’dtalkedandtalkedandtalked.
NowIjustwantedtolistentoLucybreathe.
IcurledmyarmaroundherstomachandslowlypushedmyhandunderherT-shirt,strokinghersoft,warmskin.
Shereleasedasoftgroan,andIfeltmydickcometolife.
Isighedagainstherskin,restingmynoseagainstherneck.Myhandstilledonherstomach,andIlistenedtohersoftbreathing.
Shehiccuppedagain.
Ilaughedandranmyhandsdownherarmsasgentlyaspossible.
Shestirredinhersleep.“Olive?”
“Shhh,it’sme,”Imurmured,kissingherneck.
Sheshiveredundermylips.
“Adam?”
Leaningforward,shereachedforthelight.
“Don’t.”
“What’sgoingon?”sheaskedinalowvoicestilllacedwithsleep.Itwassexyashell.“Breakingandenteringagain?”
Itookherhandinmineandkissedherwristassheturnedtofaceme.
“Don’thidefromme,Lucy,”Isaid,surprisingmyself.Ihadn’tcomeintoherroomtotellherthat.“Don’tignoreme.”
“Ihavenoideawhatyou’retalkingabout,Adam.Whattimeisit?”
“Pastmidnight.”
Foralittlewhilewelaysilentlyonoursides,doingnothingbutstaringintoeachother’seyes.Thelightcomingfromunderthedoorwasn’tenoughtoletmeseeherbeautymark,orthosestormyeyesthatpulledatsomethinginmychest,butIwascontent;whatIcouldseeofherwasenoughtosettlemyheart.
“Thedoctor?”
“Ihaveanappointmentfortomorrow.”
“Yourex?”
Sheshookherhead,glancingupattheceiling.“Italkedtohim,butIdon’twanttotalkaboutit.”
Ididn’tpush.Iwasn’titchingtotalkaboutherexeither.
“Howwasyourvacation?”
“Itwasn’tavacation.I…IhavetoflytoPariseveryyear.”
Shemovedalittle,gettingcomfortable.“Yoursister’sbirthday,right?”
Ismiledalittle.“Stalkingmeonlineagain,Isee.”
Shesnorted.“Youkeepcallingmeastalker,Imightaswellearnmynickname.”
WouldIsharemysecretswithheroneday?
“You’renottryingtokickmeoutorslappingmeforgettinginbedwithyou…yousureyou’reokay?”
Proppingherhandsunderherhead,shetookadeepbreath.
“I’mscared,Adam.”
Forhertoadmitthattome,someoneasstrongasher,washuge.Theworryinmychestlessened.Shewaslettingmehaveapieceofherheartwithoutevenknowingwhatshewasdoing.
“Comehere,”Imutteredandpulledhercloser.Shedidn’tputupafight.Shedidn’taskwhatIwasdoingorwhyIwasdoingit.Shesimplyliftedherheadandletmeslidemyarmunderhernecksoshecouldrestmorecomfortably.
Playingwithherhair,Iclosedmyeyesandletmyforeheadrestagainsthers.
“It’llbeokay,Lucy.”
“Itwon’tbe.Itcan’tbe.AndI’msofuckingscaredbecauseI’mnotreadytohaveababybymyself,Adam.Iknownothingaboutbabies.”
“Ido.We’llmakeitokay,Lucy.I’mhereforyou.Ihavenointentionsoflettingyouhideyourselffromme.”
“Youdon’tunderstand,”sheinsisted,herbodypullingaway.
Iputmyhandonherbackandpulledherflushagainstmychest,ournosesinchesapart,herbreathbecomingmine.
“Don’thidefromme,Lucy.Don’tpullaway.”
“I’msotired,”shewhispered,herbodystillalert,stillreadytoputdistancebetweenus.“I’msotiredoftryingtoholdeverythingupandjustmessingthingsupevenfurther.ItalkedtoCatherine.”Shesighedanddroppedherforeheadtomychin,herhandscurlingintoherchestinbetweenus.“Idon’tevenknowwhyIdidit.That’snottrue,IknowwhyIdidit.Ithought…maybe,youknow.Maybeshe’dbethereforme.Maybeshe’ddosomethingandeverythingwouldbeokay.Sheisfamilyafterall;that’swhatfamilydoes.That’swhatOlivedoesforme.”
“Itakeitthatdidn’tgowell.”
Ahumorlesslaugh.“Yeah,youcouldsaythat.EverytimeItalktoher,happyorsad,shehasawayofkillingsomethinginsideme.”
“I’llholdyouup,Lucy.Youcantrustme.Iseewhoyouare.Iseewhoyouare,andIwantyoutochooseme.IwantyoutoopenyoureyesandlookatmesoyoucanseethatIhavewhatittakes,thatIcantakecareofyourheartforyou.”
“Idon’thateyouanymore.”Herfingersmovedonmychin,onmyneck,hertouchasearingmarkonmyheart.
Iwantedthisgirl…thisstrong,beautifulgirl.Iwantedhertobemine.Toholdherhandandwalkonthestreet.Tosmilewithher.Dosimplethings.Thingsotherpeopletookforgranted.Iwantedtolaughwithher.
IwantedtosneakintoherheartjustasI’dsneakedintoherbedroom.
“Idon’thateyouanymore,AdamConnor,butIcan’tloveyou.Ican’tfallforyoulikethat.Idon’twanttobreaklikethem.”
“Lucy,”Imurmured.“Doyouthinkevenforonesecondthatyou’dletanyonebreakyou?Don’tyouseewhoyouarewhenyoulookinthemirror?Ifsomeone’sheartisbreaking,you’llbedoingallthedamage.”
“Youwould.Youandyoursonwouldbreakme.”
“Aidenlovesyou.”
“AndIlovehim.Butwhenyoubreakmyheart,I’lllosehim,too.Becauseofyou…beinganasshole,”shesaidwiththefirstsignsofamusementinhertone.“I’dlosebothofyou.”
“Soyou’resureit’dbemyfault.SomethingI’dcause.”
“Haveyoulookedatme?I’manangel.”
Itiltedherheadbackandpressedasoft,quickkissonherlips.“Let’snotplaygames,Lucy.Iwantyourheart,andIwillhaveit.Let’snotplay,let’sskipthoseparts.”
“Hmm.”Herlipsmovedagainstmine,andshecuppedmychininherhands.“Brat.”
Comingfromherlips,itdidn’tsting.“Justbecauseyouarewhoyouare,doyouthinkyoucantakeanythingyouwant?”
Herfingerpartedmylipsandpushedintomymouth.Igrazedherskinwithmyteeththengentlysuckedonit.Shemovedcloser.
“Idon’twantmuch,Lucy.Youshould’veseenthatbynow.”
“Yetyoustillwantmyheart.”
“Iwantachancetohaveyourheart.I’lldotherest.Justforgetaboutyourstupidcurseandtrustme.That’sallIwant.”
Withherpalmonmycheek,herlipspressedagainstmine.
Timestoodstillasshekissedmelikeshe’dneverkissedmebefore.
“Youwouldn’tbegoodtomyheart,AdamConnor,”shewhisperedagainstmylips.“You’realreadymakingithurt.”
IwovemyhandthroughherhairandheldherheadstillasItookoverherlips.Sheletme.Shemoanedsosweetly,soreadyformealready.
Didsheknowherhandwasshakingasitlayonmycheek?ThatshewasfallingformeevenasIkissedherlikeshewasalreadymine?Didsheknowhowmuchshewasruiningme?
Imovedmylipsoverhersmorefirmly.Imovedmyarmfromunderherandheldherbeautifulfaceinmypalms.Witheverymoan,witheverygasp,Itookalittlebitmorefromher.Itookeverythinginsidemeandtoldmyselfthatthiswouldbeit.Thatmynightsanddaysandeverythinginbetweenwouldbefilledwiththiswoman.ThatIwouldn’tlethergo.I’dbeherhome.I’dgiveherafamily.I’dbeherfamily.Herheart.
Inthatbed,herlipsagainstmine,herhandsholdingontomywrists,IpromisedherwithoutwordsthatI’dtakeeverythingIcouldtakefromherandinreturngivehertheworld.
I’dbethatwindshelovedtofeelonherskinsomuch,thewindthatputthatpeacefulsmileonherlips.
I’dbeherlove.
Theonewhobrokethecurseshebelievedinsostrongly.
Ifshehadababy,I’dgiveitmyworld.Inreturn,allI’dtakefromherwouldbethebatteredyetstillstrongheartinherchest.
Sheletgoofmywristandoneofherhandsmovedonmychest,slidinglowerandlower.Herhipswererestless,herbodyconstantlymovingagainstmine.IletgoofherlipsandpulledmyshirtoffsoIcouldfeelherhandsonme.
Breathlessfrommykiss,shedidn’tevenhesitatebeforetakingoffherown.
“Lucy,”IgrowledsoftlyasItookherinmyarmsagain,hernippleshardagainstmychest.
“Iwantyou,”shewhispered.“Iwantyourcockinsidemeagain.Stretchmewideopen,Adam.”
Herdirty,dirtymouth…
“Youcanhaveme,anythingyouwant,Lucy.”
“Now,”shewhispered,herhandsneakinginbetweenus,herlegstanglingwithmineasifshewantedtomakesureI’dstay.
Shequicklyworkedmypantsopenandherhandwasonmyhotflesh,pullingmydickout.Stroking.Moving.
“I’mseriouslyinlovewithyourcock,”shemurmured,hereyesclosed,herteethbitingonherownlip.“You’renoteveninmeandmylegsarealreadyshaking.”
“Good,”Imanagedtosayroughly.“Mineistheonlyoneyou’llhaveforquitesometimeasfarasI’mconcerned.”
Shelaughed,abeautifulsound.“Alwayssosureofyourself.You’vebarelylearnedhowtokiss.Iwouldn’tbesosureofmyselfifIwereyou.”
Myhipsmovingontheirown,Iletherplaywithme,petme.ShetiltedherheaddownandwatchedherhandmoveonmeasIclosedmyeyes.Itwasdark,butIknewshecouldseeenough.Mycockpulsedinherhands,growingandhardening.Whensheswipedherthumbaroundthehead,Ileakedontoherfingers,morethanreadytogetinsidehertight,wetpussy.Iroughlypulledherheadupandkissedheruntilshewasoutofbreathagain.Herhandtightenedaroundme,herfingersnotquiteclosingaroundthegirthasIgrowledintohermouth,kissingherharder.
Whenshewasdrunkonmylips,Ipulledawayandbitherchin.“Ithoughtyouwantedtotakemeinsideyou.Areyoudoneplayingwithme?”
Sheletmegoandreacheddown,slidingoffherunderwear.Assoonasshewasdone,Ireachedforherlegandpulleditovermythigh.
Ipalmedthecurveofherass,closingmyeyesandmemorizingthefeelofherundermyhands.
“Adam,”shegroanedimpatiently.
Idroppedmyheadagainstherchest.
“Lucy.Ididn’tplanforthis.Idon’thaveacondomwithme.”
Hergroancausedmydicktotwitch.
“Areyou…clean?”sheasked.
“Ofcourse.”
“Well…Iamtoo.Ifyouwantto…thatis…because…Iwantto…”
Myforeheadrestingagainstherchest,Ipulledonherhipsandpushedtheheadofmycockintoher.
“Christ,”Igroaned,feelingherhotfleshripplearoundmewithoutanybarriersbetweenus.
“Yes…”shemoaned,herheadfallingonthepillowwithasoftthud.“Yes.”
Shewassotight.Oneofherlegswasstillflushagainstmythigh,soImadesuretolifttheotheronehighertoslideinmoreeasily.Iwastemptedtoslideanotherfingerinherassagain,justlikethelasttime,butdidn’twanttopushmyluck.This…takingherbare,skintoskin…itwasmorethanenough.
Swallowingthickly,Iburiedmyselfdeeperintoher,inchbyinch.BeforeIcouldgoalltheway,shepulledmyheadupbymyhairandkissedmeinafrenzy.
Returningherkisswithfervor,Ipulledoutofherwetnessandthrustbackin,mygriponherasstight.
“Adam…”Iwasawhisperonherlips.Thesweetestwhisper.
“You’renotgonnaaskmeifit’sinornotagain,areyou?”
Astrangledlaughescapedherlips.
“No.It’sinthereallright.”
“Good,”Imurmuredandthrustbackin.“Youwantitall?”
Shenoddedandbitherlipassherestedherforeheadagainstmine.“Doit.”
ImovedmyhipsupatthesametimeIpulledhersdownonme.
Shegroaned,herbackarching,hermusclescontractingaroundme.“It’sin.It’sin.”
Ilaughed,tryingtokeepitaslowaspossible.“Andyou’resoaked.Again.”
“Yeah.”Herhandmovedupanddownonmyarm,fingerstwitchingattheslightestmoveofmyhips.
Ipulledoutandslammedbackagain,startingusinaslowbutsteadyrhythm.
Closingmyeyes,Ilistenedtohershakybreathing.
“Iwon’tlastlong,”shewhisperedlikeshewasinpain.
Istoppedmoving.“AmIhurtingyou?”
Shelaughedsoftly.“Yeah,butyoumakeithurtsogood.IfeellikeI’mflying.Idon’tevencareifIcomeornot,thisis…”ShegroanedandgaspedwhenIpoundedintoherafewtimesandthensloweddownagain.“Thisisperfect.I’mtryingmybesttokeepquiet,but—”HerbreathhitchedwhenIstartedpumpingintoherharderandfaster.
“Youcantakeit,”Igrowledintoherear.
“Yeah.Yeah.Ican.Don’tholdback.”Sheheldontomyshouldersandarchedintome.
Myhipspoundingintoher,Iwatchedherbiteherliptoquietherselfandmydickgotharderinhertightpussyasherwallsshookaroundme.Herfingersbitintomyskin,andIwassimplymesmerizedbyher.
“S-slow.Slow,Adam.”Herpalmpressedagainstmychest.
“Why?”Igroanedintoherneck.Iwashavingtroublefocusingonanythingbutthetight,softflesharoundmycock.Shewassowet,sowarm.
Sounbelievablymine.
“Ifyoukeepdrivingintomelikethat,I’mgonnacome,andIwantyoutostayinsidemealittlemore.Justalittlemore.”
Idroveintoherwithlazybutdeepstrokesandpushedherhairawayfromherface.Wewerestillonoursides,herassstillinmyhandsasIuseditasleverage,pullingandpushingheronmycock.“I’llstayinsideyouaslongasyouwant,Lucy.Don’tholdyourselfback.I’mnotgoinganywhere.”
Leaningdown,Ilickedhernippleandgroanedwhenhermusclessqueezedmeeventighter.
“Oh,God,”shemoaned.“Oh,shit!”
Desperatetogivehermore,Ipulledherovermeinonequickmoveandhereyeswentwideopen,hershockclearonherface.
Shegaspedloudlywhenmycockslidintothehilt.
Thankyou,gravity.
Igrabbedherwristsandpulledherdownonmychest.
“Shhh,”Iwhispered,slidingmyhandaroundherneck.“Youdon’twanttowakeupyourfriends,doyou?”
Inreply,shegroundherhipsonme,movingtheminacircle,drivingmeoutofmymind.
“Youloveit,don’tyou?Youlovemakingmegocrazy.”
Sheputherhandsonmychest,givingmeaviewofherbeautiful,swollenbreasts.Icaressedherthighs,herskinburninghotundermyhands.
“Youaretheonewhomakesmegocrazywithyourstupidcock,”shewhispered.
Myhandsmoveduptoherass,andImadehersitup.Beforeshecouldslidedownonme,Iliftedmykneesupandstartedfuckingherfromunderneath.
HerhandsonmychestmadetightlittlefistsasIgavehereveryinchofmycock,slammingintoheruntilshewasashakingmessoverme,secondsawayfromtippingover.Ipulledmycockoutuntilallshehadwasthetipandthenseatedherbackdown,goinginasdeepasherbodywouldletme.
Ididn’tthinkshewasevenexpectingtheorgasmthattookoverherbody.Ipickedupmypaceandfuckedherharderasshebarelymanagedtoholdherselfup.Iwasrelentless,watchingherbreastsmovewiththepowerofmythrusts…Iwantedhertogivemeeverything,toletgo.
Whenherbreathhitched,shecuppedhermouthwithherhandsandletoutaloudgroan,herhandbarelymufflingthesound.Isankintoheroverandoveragainuntilherbodystartedswayingoverme,hereyesrollingbackintoherhead.
Myjawclenched.Ihissedoutabreathandsloweddownmythrustssoshecouldtakeabreathandcalmdown.Herpussywasgrippingmesotightly,makingitalmostimpossibletomoveinsideher
Whensheopenedhereyesandlookedatmewiththatgorgeoussmileonherlips,Iwasgone.Takingoverforme,shemovedonmycock,herinnermusclesstilltwitching.
“You’veruinedme,”shesaid,thatsmirkstillverymuchinplace.“Iloveit.Ifuckinglovethewayyoubumpuglieswithme,Adam.”
Myhearthammeringinmychest,Ilaughedandletmyhandsroamoverherstomach,herthighs,herbreasts.
Iwasn’tgoingtolastlong.
“Wheredoyouwantmeforyoursecondone?”Iaskedinaraspyvoice.“I’mtooclose.Howdoyouwantmetotakeyou?”
Shetiltedherheadandlookedatmeforafewsilentseconds.
“Inmymouth,”shesaidfinallyandslidoffmycock.Iwascompletelydrenchedwithherjuices.Asshepositionedherselfbetweenmylegs,Istrokedmyself,lovingthefactthatIwastheonlyonewhocouldmakehercomesohard
“Lookatthismess,”Imumbled,watchingherlickherlipsatthesightofme.“Areyougoingtocleanitallup?”
Shenoddedandroundedbothofherhandsaroundthebaseofmycockbeforepullingup.Lickingherlips,shegotcloserandlickedthesideofitfromtoptobottom.
“Comehere,Lucy.”
Lettinggoofme,shemovedandgavemeherlipsbeforeIcouldevenaskforit.Ikissedherandsuckedhertongueintomymouth,lovinghertaste.Toosoon,shepulledbackandwentbacktomydick.
Iopenedmylegswiderandwatchedherslowlypulltheheadintohermouth,hereyeslockingwithmineassheslowlytookitdeeper.
Shesuckedmeintohermouth,makingmegroanandrelaxdeeperintoherbed
Withonehand,Igatheredherhairsoitwouldn’ttakeawayfrommyviewasIwatchedhersuckmeoff.
“You’reperfect,Lucy.You’resoperfect.”
ShemoanedwhileIwasstillinhermouthandstartedsuckingmeharder,movingherhandsupanddownatthesametime.
Ilovedtowatchmydickdisappearinherpussy,butwatchinghertakemeinhermouthanddoingitwithsuchpleasure…itsenttinglesdownmyspine.
TherewasnowayIwaslettinghergo.Icouldspendalifetimejustwatchingthoselipssuckmeoff,kissme,smile,sputterliesassheinsistedonhowmuchshehatedme.
Whenhergagreflexkickedin,Ieasedheroffmeandcaressedhercheek.“Easy,sweetheart.Niceandeasy.”
Shenoddedandswirledhertonguearoundme.
Iwassecondsawayfrommakingamessonherface,notminutes.
“Suckonthehead,”Iraspedout,barelyenoughstrengthleftinme.ThankGodshelistened.“Alittlemore.That’sit.That’sit,sweetheart.Takemoreofme.”
Desperatetocome,tohaveherinmyarms,tofeelherheartbeatagainstmine,Igrabbedherunderherarmsandpulledherupnexttome.
“Whatareyoudoing?Youwereso—”
Ikissedherandpushedherhandonmycockagain,roundingmyownoverhers.
“Iwantyoucloser,”Isaidinathickvoice.“IwantyouonmylipswhenIcome.”
GivingmeasoftkissasifsheunderstoodwhatImeant,whatIneeded,sheletmesetthepaceandinafewsecondsIcamealloverourhandsandmystomach,thewarmliquidrushingoutofmeinwaves.
Groaningintohermouth,Iclosedmyeyesandletherhandsoftlystrokemedownfrommyhigh.
Forafewminutes,neitheroneofusspokeasourbodiescalmeddown.Igrabbedthesheetandcleanedmystomachandourhands.Whenmyheartratewasbacktonormal—oratleastclosetonormal—IturnedtoLucyandsoftlytookhermouth.
Shemeltedinmyarms.
Whenshegentlystrokedmycheek,Istoppedkissingherandjustbreathedinherscent.
“Iwantyou,Lucy.”
“You’renotcominganywherenearmyvaginarightnow.Everytimeyougetinthere,mylegsstarttoshakeuncontrollably.”
Ilaughedsoftly.“Lucy,don’tyouknow?Ifyourlegsaren’tshakingattheendofit,youhaven’tbeenfuckedgoodandwell.”
Shelaidherheadonmychest,andIstrokedherhair.
“Thankyou,”shesaid.“Ididn’trealizehowmuchIneededyoutonight.Thankyouforcomingtome.”
Tippingmyheaddownandseeingthelookonherface…Ishutmymouthandheldhertighteragainstme.
Shewasmineandthatwasthat.Ididn’thavetounderstandwhatwasgoingon,Ijusthadtoacceptit,anditwasokayifshewasn’treadytoacceptthatyet.Ididn’tmindwaiting.Shewasworthit.
“Iwillbetheonewhospeakstoyourheart,LucyMeyer,justlikeyouseemtospeaktomine,”Imurmuredasmylipsmovedagainstherforehead,andsheslowlyfellasleepinmyarms.
BreakingNews:AdelineYoung’sAllegedSexTape
Yes,youreadthatright.Therearerumorsand,well…ahardcopyofAdelineYoung’ssextapebeingpassedaround.Thethingthatmakesthisunexpectednewsevenmoreshockingisthatthepersonwhoistryingtosellthetwenty-minutevideotothehighestbidderclaimsthatthevideoisdatedtoatimewhenAdelinewasstillmarried.
Haveweactuallyseenthisallegedsextape?ArewesureAdelineYoungisthestaroftheshow?Yes,andyes.We’veviewedcertainpartsofitandwe’resorrytosaythat,yes,AdelineYoungisindeedthestarofthisshortmovie.Andwhatamovieitis…ifyoudon’tbelieveus,youcanhavealookatthestillsthatpoppeduponlinelatelastnight
Throughouttheirmarriage,neitherAdelinenorAdamwasspottedwithastranger.Whenwefirstheardaboutthedivorce,wekeptrepeatingthatfact,butifthereporteddateofthistapeistrue,itmeansAdelineYoungdidindeedcheatonherhusbandatleastoncethatweknowof.
Wearestillwaitingtohearbackontheidentityofthismysteryman,andassoonaswehaveanamewewillshareitwithyou.Thenagain,doesitreallymatter?WillitaffectAdamConnoranylessifit’sanotheractororarandomguyfromthestreet?Wedon’tthinkso.
WereachedouttoAdeline’spublicistearlythismorning,andtheyprofuselydeniedthesextapeclaims,insistingthatthestillstakenfromthetapeswerealtered.Sincetheyoungactresshasbeenusingeveryopportunitytogetinfrontofthecamerassinceherdivorce,weareexpectinghertosendoutapressreleaseoutorshowupinaliveinterviewtotrytogetaheadoftheclaims.
NowordfromAdamConnor’srepsyet
ChapterTwentyLucy
Gently,IloweredthelaptopontothebedwhereIhadfallenasleepinAdam’sarmsthenightbeforethenstoodup
Inhaleandexhale,Lucy.
WhenIwascalmenoughtobreathelikeanormalpersonagain,IwalkedintothelivingroomwhereOlivewasworkingonhermanuscript.
“Olive,”Isputtered,notknowingwheretoputmyhandsasIstoodinfrontofher.
HereyeswidenedwhenshesawthatIwasshakinglikealeaf,andshejumpedupfromthecouchshewashalf-buriedin.
Sherushedtomyside.“Pregnancy.Baby.Doctorcalled.Results.”
Ishookmyheadandjumpedupanddownonmytoes,myhandsstartingtoshakeinfrontme.
“Youdidit,”Isquealedandthenputmyfistinmymouth.
Inhaleandexhale.
“Ididwhat?”Sheputherhandsonmyarmstostopmefromfidgetinginplace.“Lucy,you’restartingtoscareme.Ididwhat?”
Bubblingoverwithexcitement,IgrippedherhandsandleanedinclosersoIcouldshoutinherface.“Yougotyourselfadealfortenfuckingmilliondollars!”
Herfacewentslack,andshewhispered,“What?”Andthencametheshout,ofcourse.“What?”
Myheartbeatinginmythroat,Ireleasedadeep,deepbreath.“Olive,”IstartedtoexplainascalmlyasIcould,whichwasn’tverycalmlyatall.“Ifyousignthecontractthey’vesentover,you’llbetheproudownerof…tenfuckingmilliondollars!”
Rightwhenshestartedtojumpupanddownwithme,shestilled.“Oh,wait.Lucy,no.Whatdidyoudo?Didyouofferthemmyfirstunbornchildorsomething?”
Ilaughed,mycheekshurtingfromtheamountofsmilingthatwashappeningonmyface.“No.TheywanttorepublishSoulAche,andtheywantthreemorebooksfromyou.Youalreadyfinishedone,sothatleavestwomoreforyoutowrite.”
Shecoveredhermouthwithherhands,clearlystillinshock.Ihuggedher,hard,andhelpedherjumpwithme.
“OhmyGod,Lucy.OhmyGod.OhmyGod.”
“That’sexactlywhatIsaidwhenIstartedreadingthecontractanhourago.”
HereyeswerestillbigwhenIlethergoandhergazemetmine.“That’swhyyouwenttoyourroom?Ithoughtyouwere…oh,hell.Didyousaytenmilliondollars?”
“Yep,”Inodded,barelykeepingstill.
ThistimeitwasOlivewhocrushedmeinherarms.“Youdidit.You’veofficiallybecomemyagent,Lucy.We’reworkingtogether.OhmyGod!”Shepulledbackandsmiledevenbigger.“You’rerich,too!YouneverhavetocallCatherineagain!We’regonnahaveababyandwe’remakingmoneyandwe’resellingbooks!”
Welaughedforwhatseemedlikehoursandcriedlikethesapswewere.
“IhavetocallJason,”Oliveranted.“Ihavetocallmymom.”
Aswestartedthesearchforherphone,myownstartedringing.Asifitwerealiving,breathingmonsterthatwouldbitemyheadoffifIgottooclose,Ihidmyhandsbehindmybackandleanedoverthecoffeetabletoseewhowascalling.
“Doctor’soffice,”Iwhispered,lookingatOlivewithwhatIwassurewerefrightenedeyes.“It’sthedoctor’soffice.WhatdoIdo?”
“Doyouwantmetoanswer?”
Iswallowedthelumpinmythroatandgrabbedthephone.
“Ishouldbeokay,”ImanagedtogetoutbeforeIswipedthescreenandsaidhellotowhoeverwaswaitingtospeaktomeontheotherend.
God,pleasedon’tletmehaveaheartattack.Ipromise,I’llbegoodfromnowon.
“Hello.Yes,I’mLucyMeyer.”
IblindlyreachedforOlive’shand,andshehelditinhertightgrasp.
“Yes.Yes,I’dliketoknow,please.”
Iheardthewords.Thankedher.Endedthecall.Gentlyplacedmyphonedown,andjuststoodthere.
“Lucy?”
Startingtofeelnauseous,Iwalkedovertothecouchandsatdown.Oliverushedintothekitchenandcamebackwithaglassofwater;IassumedImust’vemumbledsomethingaboutfeelingnauseous.
Kneelinginfrontofme,shewaitedformetospeak.
Iswallowed,clearedmythroat,andthenfinallyspokeasIlookedintomyfriend’sworriedeyes.
“I’mnotpregnant.I’m…”Iflattenedmypalmsagainstmystomach.“We’renothavingababy.”
“Butyourperiod…”
“Idon’tknow.Maybeitdecidedtotakeavacation?”
“Couldbe.Youwerestressedandsadaboutthebreakup.”
Secondstickedbyinsilence,thenOlivegotupfromthefloorandsatdownnexttome.
“WhatdoesitsayaboutmethatI’mrelieved,Olive?Doesthatmakemeabadperson?”
“Oh,Lucy.”Sheputherarmaroundme,andwefellbackagainstthecouch.“Ofcourseitdoesn’t.”
“Istillfeellikeabadperson.”
“Well,youaren’t,sostopthinkinglikethat.”
“Ijustdidn’twanttomakethesamemistakestheydid.Thatwasthewholepoint.”
“Iknow,Lucy,andthat’sokay.It’sokaytowanttobedifferenteventhoughyou’realreadynothinglikethem.”
Itchingtochangethesubject,Isaid,“I’mnotpregnant,andyou’rerich.”Iletthatsimmerforawhilethenglancedatmybestfriend,allowingmyselfahintofasmile.“Ithinkthiscallsforacelebration.”
“Danceparty?”
“Withsingingandeverything.”
“JasonismeetingwithTomand…Adam,soIthinkweshouldinviteyourfutureloveinterestandhisadorableson,too.”
Igroanedandgotupfromthecouch.Waitaminute…“WhyishemeetingwithJasonandTom?”
“Tomhasascriptforthetwoofthem.Theymightendupbeingcostars.So,yousee,nowyouhavetomarryhimsowecantraveltogetherwhiletheyareshootingonlocationandevendointerviews.We’llbelikeKristenBellandMilaKunis.”
“Onlytheyareactressesandwe’renot,”Ipointedout.
“Well,yeah,buttheyaremarriedtoactorsandthey’reallfriends.”
Ithoughtaboutit—nottheKristenBell-MilaKunispart,ofcourse,andnoteventhecrazymarriagepart,butthesimpleinvitingAdamandAidenpart.I’dmissedthelittlehumanafterall,and…anditwouldn’thurttohaveAdamConnoraroundeither;hewasgoodeyecandy.
Especiallywhenmystupidlittleheartpitter-patteredsohappilywhenhewasaround.
“Fine,”Igrumbled.“Fine.Let’scallhimtoo.”
Olivesquealedandjumpedup,fishingforherphoneamongthecushions.
Wasmyguardslipping?Wasmyheartmakinganothermistakebystartingtofeelallhappyandlightaroundthisamazing,hotashellmanwhothoughthewasfallinginlovewithme?
ChapterTwenty-OneAdam
MymeetingwithTomhadgonewell.Actually,ithadgoneevenbetterthanjustwell.AfterwediscussedmycurrentsituationwithSunDownPictures,Jasonjoinedus,andwefurtherdiscussedthepossibilityofworkingtogetheronanewproject.Tomwasdefinitelyexcitedaboutit,andIthoughtJasonwastoo.Afterscrollingthroughthepagesofthescript,IpromisedthemI’dfinishreadingitassoonaspossible;fromwhatIcouldsee,itwasgoingtobeagoodone.
Unfortunately,whathappenedafterthemeetingthrewmeoffcompletely.Weexitedthecaféwherewe’dhadthemeetingandpartedwayswithTom.AfterweagreedtomeetbackatJason’shouseandseewhatOlive’ssurprisewas,Jasongotanothercallwhilewewaitedforourcarstobebroughtaround.
Endingthecall,heturnedtome.
“Okay.Hereisthedeal.”Heranhishandthroughhishair.
Intrigued,Iwaitedforhimtocontinue.WasIabouttobeuninvitedafterbeinginvitedbyOlive?Iwouldn’thavebeensurprised,especiallyifitwasLucy’sdecision.
“I’mnotgonnapretendIknowwhat’sgoingonbetweenyouandLucy,butI’massumingthereissomethinggoingon.”
Hepaused,waitingforanykindofacknowledgmentfromme.Inoddedforhimtogoon.
“Youknowsheispregnant,andstillyouspentthenightwithherlastnight.Again,becauseofthat,I’mgoingtoassumethereissomethingseriousgoingonandsheissomehowimportanttoyou.”
“Exactlywhereareyougoingwiththis,Jason?WasthatLucyonthephone?”
“No.AndtobehonestIreallydon’twanttomeddle,butifLucyleaves,Olivewill—”
Thevaletbroughtourcars,andweweredistractedforaminuteorso.BeforeJasoncouldgoon,myphonestartedringing.“WhatdoyoumeanifLucyleaves?”Distracted,Icheckedthescreen:mylawyer.
“IfsheleavesforPittsburgh.”
Slowly,IraisedmyeyesandmetJason’suncomfortablegaze.
“Pittsburgh?Lucydidn’tsayanythingaboutleavingforPittsburgh.”Forsomereason,Ididn’tthinkshe’dlietomeaboutsomethingasimportantasmovingaway.Shewouldn’tjustdisappear.
“I’mnotsayingsheisleaving,butthatphonecall…”Hesighedandshookhishead.“Ihavenoideaifyou’lldoanythingwiththis,butI’mjustgivingyouaheads-upanyway.Herexiswaitingformetopickhimup.”Heraisedhisphoneup.“Thecallwasfromhim.”
“And…”Iprompted,mymindsuddenlyaveryquietanddangerousplacetobein.“Theyaregettingbacktogether.”
Heshookhishead.“Ihavenoideawhat’sgoingonbetweenthem,butIdon’tthinkso.Heishereaboutthepregnancy.Idon’tthinkhehandleditthatwellwhenhehearditfromLucy,andI’massumingheisheretomakethingsright.I’mtakinghimuptothehouse.”
“Hewantsher,”Iguessed.
Wincing,herubbedthebridgeofhisnose.“FromwhatIhearfromOlive,yes.Yes,Ithinkhewantsherback.”
“Givemeaheadstart,”Isaidimmediately,roundingmycarasJasonstoodstillinhisspot.“Takethelongwayorsomething.Givemeaheadstart.”
WhenIjumpedintomycaranddroveaway,Jasonwassmiling.
***
AfterIdrovethroughthegates,Olivemetmeatthedoor.
“Oh,”shemumbled,lookingflustered.“Hi.IthoughtyouwereJason.”Leaningtoherright,shelookedbehindme.“Aiden?”
“Aidenisstillatschool,andI’mafraidIwon’tbeabletogethimfromAdeline,nottoday.”Notwhenshewasallthemediaweretalkingabout.Beyondthat,Ididn’tthinkshe’dletmetakeAidenwhenitwasn’tmytimeafterIpushedthesolecustodythingonher.
“Oh,that’stoobad.Comein,comein.”
Closingthedoorbehindme,Ifollowedherinside.
“CanIspeaktoLucy?”
“Ofcourse.Uh,wewereinherroom,wouldyoulikemetogether?”
“WouldyoumindifIstealherfromyouforabit?Ionlyneedafewminutes.”
Givingmeacuriouslook,shesmiledsoftly.“Ofcourse.Sheisyourstosteal.”
Frowningatherchoiceofwords,Iwalkedaway.
WhenIreachedLucy’sroom,thedoorwaswideopen,soIwentinsideandcloseditbehindme.
“Adam?Whatareyoudoinghere?”Lucyaskedasshecameoutofthebathroom.
“Didn’tyouinviteme?”
Shecamecloserandsmiledmischievously.“Yeah,well,itwasOlivereally,butIdidn’tobjecttoostrongly,sothatshouldcountforsomething.”
Inodded.“Iexpectedthatmuch.”
“I’llchangemyquestionthen.Whyareweholedupinhere?I’dsayyouwantedtogetinanafternoonquickie,butyourfacetellsmesomethingelseisgoingon.”
“Weneedtotalk.”
“Weneedtotalkabout…”Shecrossedherarmsandwaitedformetogoon
“Iwasgoingtogiveyoutime,Lucy.Insteadoftryingtoknockdownyourwalls,Iwasgoingtowaituntilyouwerereadytolowerthemonyourown,butwejustranoutoftime.”
Shedroppedherarmsandstraightened,herexpressionunreadable.
Itookasteptowardher,butstillheldmydistance.“Something’sgoingonhere.Thereissomethingaboutyou,somethingbetweenus…Ican’tfigureoutwhatitisexactly,butIwantyouinmylife.Iknowyou—atleastIfeellikeIknowyou,andIwantyoutogivememoreofyourself.Iaskedyoutogivemeachancetotakecareofyourheartlastnight,andI’mafraidIneedananswernow.”
Shewasstandingcompletelystillinfrontofme,hereyesunreadable.Asalways,Ihadnoideawhatshewasgoingtosay,andIdidn’tlikeit.Ididn’tlikethatshewaskeepingmeout.
“What’sgoingonhere?”sheaskedfinally.“Youjustsaidyoudidn’twanttopushme,yethereyouare,doingexactlythat.”
Isteppedintoher,andherbackhitthewall.Keepinghergaze,Idroppedmyforeheadonhersandbreathedinherscenttotryandcalmmysuddenlyracingheart.Shecouldn’tleave.
“Yourexishere.InLA.Jasonisbringinghimhere.”
Shesteppedbackfromme,herbrowsdrawingintogetherinconfusion.“Jameson?He’shere?”
Inodded.“Icanonlyassumeheishereforthebaby…andyou.”
“Adam,thereisno—”
“No.Ineedyoutogivemeananswerbeforeyouseehim.”
“Idoubtheishereforme,Adam.You’rebeingridiculous.WhenItoldhimIwaspregnantheaskedmewhatIwasplanningtodowiththebaby.That’snotaquestionsomeonewhocareswouldask.”
“Lucy,”Isaidsoftly,holdingherchinbetweenmyfingers.“Noguywouldflytoanothercityforagirltheydidn’tcareabout.”
Iranmyfingerdownherjawandwatchedherlipspartforme.Leaningdown,Istoleasoftkiss.“You’regonnamakemepulloutthebigguns,aren’tyou?”
“Ihavenoideawhatgunsyou’retalkingabout,butsure,let’sseethem.Pullthemout.”
“I’mjustaboy…standinginfrontofagirl,askinghertolovehim.”
Awarysmilesurfacedonherlips.
“Quoting‘NottingHill’,huh?Thatisabiggun,you’reright.Youthinkthatwillgettome?Thatitwillmakemyheartbeatfastertohearyousaythattome?”
ShereachedformyhandandpressedmypalmagainstherheartwhereIcouldfeelhowfastherheartwasbeatingforme.
Westaredateachotherforalongmoment,standingjustlikethat.
Skintoskin.
Hearttoheart.
“Iheardsomegirlsmeltawaywhentheyhearaguyquotingmovielines,soIthoughtIshouldgiveitatryonthisgirl.”
Herhandsdroppedfrommine,soIcurledmyhandaroundherneck,feelingherpulsebeating.
“Youmakemecrazy,Lucy.”
Slowly,hersmiledisappeared.“You’rescaringme,Adam.”
“That’sgood.Idon’tmindscaringyouifit’llmakeyouacceptthatwe’refeelingsomethingforeachother.”
“Ican’tloveyou,”shereturnedbeforethewordswereevenoutofmymouth.“Ican’tgiveyouthosewords.YoumaynotbelievemewhenIsayI’mcursed,butthatdoesn’tchangethefactthatIam.”
Ipulledherclosertome,herchestagainstmine.
“Lucy,tellmeyouhateme.Idon’tcare.I’dratherhaveyoulieandsayyouhatemethanhavesomeoneelsewholiesbysayingIloveyou.”
“IfIsayIhateyou,itreallymeansIhateyou.I’mnotlying.Andyoudopissmeoff,soIreallydohateyouactually.”
“Okay.”Iburiedmynoseinherneckandsmiled.“You’reminethen?Hedoesn’tgettocomebackhereandhaveyou?”
TheknockonthedoorinterruptedusbeforeLucycouldgivemearealanswer.
“Lucy?Uh…Jamesonishere.Heiswaitingforyou.”
Ilookeddownatherandfoundherlookingupatme.
“I’llbethereinaminute.Thankyou,Olive.”
Olive’svoicewasalowmurmurontheothersideofthedoor.“Ofcourse.”
Iletmylipsrestagainsthersandsighed.
“I’llletyouhaveyourwaywithme.Everynight.”
“Fine.Okay.I’lltry.”
“Iknewbumpinguglieswouldbethethingthatwouldgettoyou.I’mcontemplatingifIshouldbeworriedabouthowmuchyoulovemycock.”
SheletoutasmalllaughandrestedbothherpalmsonmychestasIcurledmyarmsaroundherwaistandforcedhertogetevenclosertome.
“Well,Idolovethatthing.Andyou’renotthatbadwithit.Anokaykisser,butnotsobadinbed.”
Finally,Ireleasedalongbreathandrelaxed.Thisfeltright.Ismiledagainstherlips.“Good.I’llletyouplaywithitassoonaswe’realone.”
Ipulledbackandaftergivingmeasmile,shemovedtowardthedoor.“IthinkIshouldgooutthere.”
Iputherhandinmine.“Wecandoittogether.Ifheisinterestedinbeinginthebaby’slife,itmeansI’llbeseeinghimaround.”
Shesnortedandshookherhead.“You’resosureI’llkeepyouaroundforthatlong,huh?”
“Iplantobeanddon’tworry,Iwon’tbekickedoutthateasily.Iknowhowtotakecareofwhat’smine.Youwon’twanttoloseme.”
Withherhandstillonthedoorknob,shegavemealonglook.
“Youwantmeandthebaby?You’renotevenworriedthatI’llbepregnantandgigantic?Justaskingtomakesure.”
“Babyornot,you’restillthesame,andIwantyou.Iwantyouandeverythingelsethatcomeswithyou—evenyourlittlecurse.”
JustasI’dpromisedherthenightshe’dcometome,Iwouldhealherheartandbetheonewhobrokehercurseifthat’swhatitwouldtakeforhertobelieveinme.
ChapterTwenty-TwoLucy
SoIsaidokay.SoIbrokemyownrulesandgaveintohim.Rulesaremeanttobebroken,aren’tthey?AndthistimeIwouldn’tsaythosewords.Iwouldn’tshowhimhowmuchIcared,howhardIwasfalling.Iwouldpretend.Hewouldn’tseesohecouldn’thurtme.
IwasdatingAdamfreakingConnor.
Myheartfeelingrestlessandtrappedinmychest,IwalkedoutofmyroomwithAdamrightbehindme.
IfoundJamesonstandinginfrontoftheopendoor,gazingoutside.Hishandswerehiddeninhispockets,hisshoulderstensed.
Ihaltedinmytracksandwatchedhimstandthere,OliveandJasonnowhereinsight.IlookedbehindmeandsawAdamstandingafewstepsbehind,givingmesomespace,Iassumed.Hegavemeareassuringsmileandleanedagainstthewall,clearlytellingmehehadnointentionsofleavingtheroom.
BeforeIcouldsayanything,Jamesoncalledmyname,andIhadtolookawayfromAdam’shypnotizingeyes.
“Lucy.”Jameson’svoicewassoft,andIthoughtIheardsomethingelseunderneathit…regret?OrmaybehewasjusttiredfromthetravelandIwasreaching.
Itookadeepbreathandmethimhalfway.
FeelingAdam’seyesboringintothebackofmyhead,IletJamesonpressasoftkissonmyneck,justbelowmyear—hisfavoritespot,whichhadalsobeenmyfavoritespotnotthatlongago.
Forabriefmoment,Iclosedmyeyesandexpectedarushoffeelingfromthetouch,butitwasn’tthere.Itnevercame.
Notlove.Notevenanger.
Surprised,Itookastepback.
“Whatareyoudoinghere,Jameson?”Iasked,myvoicealittlehoarse.
“I’msorryforwhatIsaidonthephone,Lucy.”Hereleasedadeepbreathandthreadedhishandthroughhishair,lookinglost.“Ididn’tknowwhattothink,andIsaidthewrongwords.”
“It’sokay.”
MaybeifIreallyhadbeenpregnant,Iwould’vebeenpissedathimforhiswords,butsinceIwasn’t,Ididn’tseetheneedtopretend.
“No.”Hegrabbedmyhandsandtightenedhishold.“No,itwasn’tokay,andI’vemissedyou,Lucy.Iknow—”
Jameson’seyesmovedovermyshoulderandhiswordshalted.“Couldyougiveusaminute,please?”
“I’mafraidIcan’t.”
Myhandsstillfirmlyinhis,Jameson’seyesdroppedtominewithafrownonhisface.
ThenIfeltAdam’shandonthesmallofmyback,andItensed.
“Youcanletgoofhernow.”
“Lucy?”
IclearedmythroatandthoughtImightaswellgoaheadandintroducethem.Itwouldbeasillythingtodosincebothofthemwereobviouslyawareofwhotheotheronewas,butIcouldn’tthinkofanythingelsetosayordo.
Gently,IpulledmyhandsoutofJameson’shold.
“Jameson,thisisAdamConnor.Heis…OliveandJason’sneighbor.”
Adamdroppedhishandandtheroom’stemperaturedroppedprettyquicklyafterthat.
“Adam…”Itookachanceandglancedupandbehindme,half-expectingtofindhimgone.But,no,hehadn’tleft.Hewasstillthere.Hisscentwasstilllingeringonme,butnot…histouch.Therewasnowarmth.
Shit.
HowwouldIintroduceJamesontohim?‘Myex’soundedso…stupid.
“Adam,thisismyfriendJameson.”
Therewasnohandshake,justheadsnodding.
Awkward.
“I’llaskagain,canyougiveusaminute?”
“AndI’llansweragain,I’mafraidIcan’t.”
Oh,forGod’ssake…
NotgivingJamesonachancetoreply,Igrabbedhisarmtogethisattention.
HisscowlshiftedtomeassoonasItouchedhim.
“Jameson,I’mnotpregnant,”Iblurtedout.I’dneverbeenonetoenjoydrama.
AwarethatthiswouldbenewsforAdam,too,IchosetokeepmyeyesonJameson.Ididn’tmindhavingAdamintheroomwithus,butthiswasbetweenmeandJameson.Evenafterthewayhe’dleftme,I’dgivehimthatmuch.
Thescowlwasstillonhisfacewhenheasked,“Whatdoyoumean?Butyousaid—”
“IsaidIwasgoingtoletyouknowafterIgottheresultsfromthedoctor’soffice.”
“Butyousaidyoutookoneofthosehometests.”
“Idid.ButIonlytookone.”IlookedovermyshoulderatAdambeforeIspokeagain.“Iwasscaredtotakemorethanone.Apparentlyeventhosetestscanbewrong.”
“Soyougottheresultsfromthedoctorand…theyarefinal.”
Inodded.“Yes.Today.Justafewhoursago.”IglancedbehindtogaugeAdam’sexpression,buthegaveawaynothing.Thefactthathewasnotmeetingmyeyesdidn’tbodewell.
“Iwasgoingtocall.Though,tobehonest,Ididn’tthinkyou’dcare…whichiswhyI’msosurprisedtoseeyoustandinghere.”
“Ididn’tcomebackjustbecauseof—uh,thepregnancy.Iwantedyou—”
Adam’sarmslidaroundmywaist,andIrelaxedintohistouchashespoke.
“Lucy.”Myinsidesturnedintocompletemusheverytimeheutteredmynamewiththoselips,andIhatedhimforthatalittlebit.Justatinybit,really.“Itmakesnodifferencetome.Babyornobaby.I’monlygladbecausenowyouwon’tspendhoursuponhoursworryingaboutendinguplikethefemalesofyourlovelyfamily.And…”
HepausedandshotaveryquietJamesonaquicklook,togivehiswordsabitmorepunch,Iguessed.“Andyoudeservebetter.Youdon’tdeservetopanicaboutsomethinglikethisonyourown.Youdon’tdeservetobealone.Youdeservesomuchbetter.”
Withthosewords,heleaneddownandcapturedmylips.RightinfrontofJameson.Ididn’tthinkitwastomakehimjealous,butmaybeitwastomakeapoint?WhatthehelldidIknow?Hislipswereonmine,andthatwasenoughknowledge.
Ididn’tthinkhethoughtaboutitasstakinghisclaim,butassoftasithadstarted—asoft,intimatereassurance,maybe—whenitended,itwasaspossessiveasanyofhisothermind-scramblingkisses,dareIsayalmostaspossessiveastheoneshegavemewhenhewasinsideme,busymakingmefeellikeIwaswalkingonclouds?
Hisvoicethickandsmoky,hecontinued.“Ihavetogomeetmylawyer.He’sbeencallingmeforanhour.Ineedtoseeifsomething’swrong.”
Stillalittledeliriousfromhiskiss,Inodded.
“Bereadyateight.We’llgoouttodinnerandtalk,okay?”
Talkaboutwhat,Ihadnoidea.
“I—”Iclearedmythroat.“Actually,wehavesomethingtocelebrate,soweusedJason’snameandmadereservationsfordrinksanddinner.It’saprettybigthing.”
“AmIinvited?”
“WoulditchangeanythingifIsaidno?”
“No,itwouldn’t.”
Irolledmyeyes,butIthinkhesawthetwitchofmylips.“Thenbyallmeans,youcancometoo.”
Hegavemeanotherkissonmycheek,rightattheedgeofmylipactually,andmyheartgotexcitedalloveragain
“Thenwe’llgohomeafterdinner.Talk.”
“Home,huh?”Isaidsoftlywithahintofasmile.He’dsaidthesamethingthenighthe’dgivenmearideaftertheJakeCallumdisaster.
Henoddedandcaressedmycheekbone.
NotsurewhatIwastryingtosay,Imethisgazeandadmitted,“Idon’tlikesayingthis,butyougetaforty-ninefrommerightnow,AdamConnor.”
Andnow,ontopofeverythingelse,Ihadtostarthatinghimformakingmefeellikehecouldbemyhomeoneday.
“Ilikeforty-nine.That’sagoodnumber.”
WhenAdamsentanotherlookatJamesonandleft,IknewIwascompletelyscrewed.Withjustasimplekiss,he’dmanagedtomakemeforgetthatweweren’taloneintheroom,thatmyexwasstaringatuswiththemostterrible,heartbrokenexpressiononhisface.
“Whendidthishappen,Lucy?”heaskedintothesilence.
Therewasnopointinlying.“I’mnotsure.Fiveminutesago?Amonthago?”
Hewalkedawayfrommeandsatdownonthecouch.Feelingawkward,Ididthesameandsatacrossfromhim.
“Soyou’renotpregnant.”
“No.”Itwashardtogaugewhathewasthinking.
Helinkedhishandstogetherandleanedforward,hiselbowsrestingonhisthighs.Aftershootingmeaquicklook,hesighedandadmitted,“Iwantedyoutocomewithme,youknow.BeforeIleft,Ithoughtaboutathousandwaystoaskyou,athousandwaysthatwouldbetherightwaytoaskyouwhereyou’dendupsaying,‘Yes,Jameson.Iwanttocomewithyou.’ButIfiguredyou’dneversaythat.You’dnevertakeariskthatbig.Afterall,yourefusedtosleepinthesamebedasmeformonths;howcouldyouevenconsidermovingawaywithme?AndthenIthought,maybeitshouldn’tbethishardtoasksuchasimplequestion.Maybeifitwasright,ifyou’dwantedtocomewithme,youwouldhavesaidsomethingwhenyouheardaboutthejoboffer.Butyouneverdid.SoIleft.”
“Soyouleft,”Irepeatedhiswordswhenitbecameobvioushewasn’tgoingtocontinue.Maybehewaswaitingformetoconfirmhissuspicions.Icouldn’tdothat.EventhoughIknewitwould’vemadehimfeelbetterabouthisdecisions,Icouldn’t—didn’twanttolietohim.“Ifyou’dasked,Iwouldhavecomewithyou,Jameson.”Igavehimaruefulsmile.“Butmaybeyou’reright.Ifitwassohardforyoutoaskmetocome,ifyouhaddoubtsaboutmyfeelings,feelingsyouknewwerehardformetoadmit,thenitwouldn’thaveworkedoutanyway.”
“Ididn’thandleitwellwhenIheardyouwerepregnant.”
“No,youdidn’t.”
Henoddedandlookedout.WherehadOliveandJasondisappearedto?
Thenhesmiledandroseup.“I’mnotsureifI’msadthereisnobabyorrelieved.”
Ipushedmyselfuptoo.“Maybethiswillsoundheartlesstoyou,butI’mrelieved.”
Helookedsurprisedatmywords.
“Neitheroneofusisreadytobeaparent,Jameson.I’mnotevensureifI’lleverbe.”
Wesharedalongmomentofsilence,thenJamesonreleasedahumorlesslaughandrubbedhisneck.
“Whatamess.Whatafreakingmess.Ithoughtifyouendedupdecidingtohavethebaby,IcouldpersuadeyoutocometoPittsburghwithme.Ithoughtitwasasignformetotrytoaskyouagain…notthatIdidabang-upjobthefirsttime.That’swhyIcamehere,andnotonlyistherenobaby,you’redating.”
“I’mnotdating,”Ibristled.
“WhatwasthatlittleshowIsawthen?”HegesturedtowardthedoorAdamhaddisappearedthrough.
Ifrowned.“It’snotlikethat.”Butwasit?WhathadIagreedtoexactly?Whatdidhewant?Sleepinthesamebed?Becauseeventhatwasabigthingforme.Date?Couldheevendate?Beseenoutinthepublicwithme?Sex?Whatdid‘You’reminethen’mean?Andcouldyouevendateamoviestar?How?
“Isee,”Jamesonmurmured,andIrememberedthatIwasn’talone.
Walkingovertome,heputhishandonmyshoulder,hiseyesholdingmine.That’swhenIfeltatrickleofemotion,somethingIcouldremember.Thenwithoutanyhesitationhepushedhisfingersintomyhairandpressedafirmkissonmylips.Notongue,justalastkissfilledwithwhatifsandapologies.ItwassuchanunexpectedmovethatIdidn’tknowhowtoreact.Hepulledbackfrommylipsonlyenoughthatthetipsofournoseswerealmosttouching,thenclosedhiseyesandheldmetohim.
“Jameson…”Iwhispered,puttingmyhandonhistattooedwrist.Heletgoofmyhair,butdidn’tbackaway.
“Whenyoufirsttoldmeyoulovedme,IfeltlikeI’dscaledfuckingmountains.He’saluckysonofabitch.Makehimworkharder;heisright,youdeservebetter.”
Aquickkissonmycheek,andhewasgone.
ChapterTwenty-ThreeAdam
ThateveningasIdrovethroughthecolorfulcitytotherestaurantaftergettingashorttextfromJasontellingmewhereIcouldmeetthem,IwasstillreplayingthemeetingI’dhadwithmylawyerinmymind.
Theleakedsextape—theallegedsextape—wasapparentlyreal.Whoeverwasholdingthehardcopyinhisorherhandswastryingtogetthebestbidforit,andtoenticethepartiestobidhigher,theywerereleasingstillsfromthevideo…stillsthatclearlyshowedAdelinehalf-nakedwithacockinherhandasshewasquiteliterallycapturedswallowingit.Itwasn’tthemostperfectshotofherbeautifulface,butitwasmostdefinitelythemoneyshotthathadallthemediainafrenzyoverwho’dgetthefullvideo.
“Wecanusethis,”saidLaura,mylawyer.Shemusthaveseenthelookonmyfacebecauseshedidn’tevenpausebeforecontinuing.“It’salowblow,Iknow,butifyou’reseriousaboutsolecustody,wecanusethistoouradvantage.Lookatthetimestamps;ifthisisn’taltered,itmeansshewascheating.Andifithappenedonce,wecanmostlikelyfindothers.Eveniftherearenosextapes,we’llfindsomethingelse.Weshouldusethis,Adam.Itwillmakeourjobseasier,trustme.”
“No.I’mnotlookingtodragherthroughthemud.She’llhaveahardenoughtimerecoveringfromthisenoughasitis;Idon’twanttodigandfindsomethingelse.I’mnotdoingthistodestroyher,Laura;Iwantyoutokeepthatinmindasyouproceedforward.Ijustwantmysonwithme.Findanotherway.Digintosomethingelse,talktoherlawyers,findanotherway.”
Theshotsweren’taltered.Shehadcheatedonmewhilewewerestillmarried.Iknewthatforafactbecauseinthephotosyoucouldseeherhand,andIcouldseeasmallrashonherwrist,arednesscausedbyanunexpectedirritationfromacopperbraceletsheworeforashoot.Thedatematchedwhenshehadthatrash.
WasIsurprisedwhenIheardtherewasasextape?Can’tlie;yes,Iwas.Adeline…Adeline,forallherfaults,hadbeenloyal,orsoI’dthought.ButIwaspastthepointofbeingangryabouttheexistenceofit.Icouldn’tgobackandchangethetime,changethemistakeswe’dmadetogether.Itdidn’taffectmeanymore.Shedidn’tfactorintomylifeanymore.Itwashermess,andonlyhers.I’dalreadyinstructedeveryoneonmypublicityteamtodotheirbesttokeepmeoutofthewholething.Therewouldbenocommentscomingfromme.Noquotes.
Still,IspenttheentiredayignoringeverysinglecallthatcamefromAdelineorherassistants.MymindfilledwithAidenandwhatthisnewsituationwouldmeantohim,Ileftmycarwiththevaletandenteredtherestaurantatexactlytenpastseven.IwastenminuteslatethankstoLAtraffic.
Atfirst,whenIdidn’tseeLucysittingnexttoOlive,Ididn’tthinkanythingofit,butthecloserIgottotheirpartiallyhiddentabletowardtheback,thepossibilityofherstillbeingwiththatJamesonguydawnedonme.
HadImadeamistakebyleavingherwithhim?
HadIlostmybrightlight?
Jason’sheadcameupfromOlive’sneck,andhegesturedtomewithhishand.Olivenoticedmetooandofferedmeashysmile.MystepsfalteredbeforeIcouldgettotheirtableandaskwhereLucywasbecauseLucyemergedfromthehallwayalittletotherightofwhereherfriendsweresitting.Shesentabeautiful,unsuresmilemyway.
Shelookedstunning—asalways.Sheworeblackfuck-meheelswithablackdressthathitheralittleaboveherknee,andthenecklineofherdressmadeitpossibleformetoseethosedeliciousswellsofherbreasts.ThatwasallIcouldtakeinasIchangedmydirectionandheadedtowardher,mystepslighternowthatIknewshewasthere.
Withasmallsmirkplasteredonherface,sherubbedherpalmsonherdress,subtlypullingitdownintheprocess,andstartedtowardme.Awaitresswalkeduptothetablethatstoodrightbetweenus,almosttrippingmeintheprocess.
Lucysmiled.
Ilaughed.
Steadyingthewaitress,Iapologizedtoherandquicklyroundedthetable.
AssoonasIwasinfrontofLucy,Icapturedherfaceinmyhandsandreleasedadeepbreath.
“You’rehere.”
Shesnorted.“DidyouthinkI’dletthemcelebratewithoutme?Idon’tthinkso.”Herfingerscurledaroundmywrists.“What’supwiththefaceholding?”
Inudgedherlipsopenwithmyownandkissedheruntilshewasbreathlessinmyarms.WhenIletgoandbrushedmythumboverherredbottomlip,shewasholdingontomyshirt.
IclearedmythroatandsmoothedherhairbackjustsoIcouldkeeptouchingherforanothermoment.“ForasecondthereIthoughtthebastardtrickedyouintoleavingwithhim.”
Oneeyebrowshotupplayfully.“DoIlooktrickabletoyou?”
Ilaughedandbrushedanotherkissonherlips.“No.You’reanythingbuttrickable,LucyMeyer.”
“Good.I’mgladyouknowthat.”Hereyesdartedaround.“Canwesitdownalready?Peoplearestaring,it’sawkward.”
Ididn’tgiveafuckaboutwhatpeoplethought—IwassousedtofeelingeyesonmeallthetimethatIbarelynoticeditanymore—butstill,Ilistenedtoherandgrabbedherhandaswewalkedbacktothetable.
IkissedOlive’scheek,helpedLucysitdown,andgreetedJason.
“Iguesswehavemorethanonethingtocelebratetonight,”Olivesaidwithabigsmileonherface.
“Olive…”Jasonsighed.
“What?”SheturnedtofaceJason,hereyesbigandinnocent.“I’mnotdoinganything.”
AsshewasbusyappealingtoJason,IbrushedmyfingertipsoverLucy’swrist,watchingthetinyhairsonherarmriseupundermytouchasImurmuredintoherear.“Everythingokaywiththeex?”
Shegavemeasmallsmileandnodded.“Ithinkthistimeit’sreallyover.”
“Itwasn’toveralready?”
WhatexactlyhadtheytalkedaboutafterI’dleft?
Sheshookherheadandreachedforherwaterglass.“No,itwas,butIthinkthiswasit,youknow.Final.Idon’tthinkwe’lleverseeeachotheragain.”
“Andareyouokaywiththat?”
Shetookasmallsipofherwaterandnodded,hereyesturningbacktoherfriends.
IdecidedIcouldwaitafewmorehoursuntilwewerealonesowecouldtalk.“Ihearcongratulationsareinorder,”Isaid,interruptingJasonandOlive’squietconversation.
“Oh,thankyou,”Olivereplied,beamingatLucy.“ButIthinkcongratulatingLucywouldbemoreappropriate.Ididabsolutelynothing.Sheistheonewhogotthedealafterall.”Sheturnedhereyesbacktome.“Andbydoingso,sheofficiallyacceptedthefactthatsheismyagentnow.”
“Congratulations,”Irepeated,reachingforLucy’shandunderthetable.“Tobothofyou.”
Theybothgavemebrilliantsmiles.
Afterthat,wegaveourorders,andIdiscreetlyaskedourwaiterifhecouldbringoutabottleofchampagne.Wefellintoeasyconversationasthenightwenton,andIdiscoveredadifferentsideofLucyasIwatchedherinteractwithOlive.Shelookedfreeandhappywithher.Shedidn’tlooktroubledorworried.ThatwasexactlyhowIwantedhertobewhenshewaswithme.
Morethanafewtimes,IfoundJasonlookingathiswifewithloveasshelaughedwithoutabandonwithLucy.DespiteeverythingthatwasgoingonwithAdeline,Ifoundmyselflaughingalongwiththem.
WhentwofanswhowerehavingdinneratanearbytablecameoverandaskedforautographsbothfromJasonandme,wequicklysignedthenapkinstheywereholdingoutandbeforewecouldobject,theytookaquickpictureofthefourusthenhurriedlywalkedaway.
Lucy’stensebodyleanedintome,andshewhispered,“Aren’tyougonnagoafterthem?”
“Todowhat?”
“Totaketheirphoneanddeletethepicture?”
“Lucy.”Isighedandpulledherchairalittleclosertomine.“Theyweren’ttheonlyonestakingpicturestonight.Trustme,fromwhatIsaw,atleastthreeothertablesweresecretlytakingourpicture.”
“Isthatokay?Imean,Iknowhowthesethingswork…whatiftheypostitonline?Iguessthat’sastupidquestionbecausetheyprobablyalreadyhave.”
“So?”Iasked,watchingherintently,tryingtounderstandwhathadhersoworried.
“So?”shechokedout.Sheleanedbackandtiltedherhead,thinkingsomethingover.“Huh.It’slikethat,then.Youwereseriousaboutwhatyousaidearlier.”
“Andyouweren’t?”
“Ididn’tknow…”
“Youdidn’tknowwhat?”Ipromptedwhenshetrailedoff.
“Ididn’tknowwhatyoumeantexactly.Ithoughtweweregonnatalkaboutwhatyousaidearliertoday.”
“Whatpartwashardtounderstand?You’reminenow.Don’tknowhowtoexplainthatfurther.”
“Haha,”shesaidwithouthumor.
Thewaiterbroughtourdessertsandanotherbottleofchampagnefortheladies,cuttingLucy’slittlespeechshort.Assoonasheleft,shewasbackatit.
“YouknowexactlywhatImean.”
“Actually,Idon’t,butletmebemoreclear.You’reminemeans,fromnowon,you’remineandonlymine.”
Sheletoutanexasperatedsigh.“That’syourideaofanexplanation?Thatexplainsnothing.Doesitmeanwe’rehavingsex,exclusively?Doesitmeanwe’redating?Andifitdoes,canyouevendate?Areweinarelationshipnow?DoIhavetosleepinthesamebedwithyouallnight?Theseareimportantquestions,andIdon’thavetheanswers.”
“Lookslikeyou’vebeenthinkingaboutitalot.”
“I’dliketoknowwhatI’mgettinginto.”
“Howaboutyoustopworryingaboutit?”
“Howaboutyougivemeahint?”
“Wasn’tmetellingyouI’mfallingforyouagoodhint?Ithoughtthatexplainedeverything.”
Asmallgasphadourheadsturning.
“I’msorry.I’msorry.Pleasekeepgoing,”Olivewhispered,lookingamused.
“Ihatetointerruptthis,butIthinkit’stimeforustoleave,”Jasonsaid,hiseyesaimedattheentrance.
Iglancedbackandsawthemanagertalkingtoafewpeoplethatkeptpointingtowardus;itappearedtherewasaseaofpaparazziwaitingoutside.Jasoncalledouttoourwaiterandaskedifwecouldwalkthroughtheirkitchenandtakethebackdoor,somethingthatwasunfortunatelynotnewtoeitheroneofus.
Assoonaswegottheokay,wewereonourwaywithOliveandLucytakingtheleadaswewereusheredtowardthebackdoor.
“Ishould’vecalledDan,”Imutteredtomyself,shakingmyhead.“Witheverythingthat’sbeengoingonwithAdeline,they’reprobablylyinginwaitinfrontofthehouse,too.”
Jasonglancedbackatmeaswereachedthebackdoor.“Callhimnowsohecancomehereandtakecareofyourcar.Mydriverwilldropusoff.You’llusethewallsotheywon’tknowyouarehome.”
“Thankyou.Ithinkthat’sagoodidea.”
AswewaitedforJason’sdrivertocomearoundthebacktopickusup,IgaveDanaquickcall,askinghimtopickupmycarandthencheckuponAdelineandAidenbeforehegotbacktothehouse.AsmuchasIdidn’tmindignoringhercallsthatday,itdidn’tmeanIwasn’tworriedabouthowshewastreatingAidenwithallthat’dbeengoingon.ShemightstillbeangryatmefortheupcomingcustodybattleandrefusetoletmeseeAidenwheneverIwantedtowhenitwasherweek,butthatdidn’tmeanI’djustletherbe.
“IstheresomethingIcandotohelp?”LucyaskedonceIwasoffthephonewithDan.
“Carishere,guys.Let’sgobeforetheythinkofpostingalookoutbackheretoo.”
IgaveLucywhatIhopedwasareassuringsmiletoletherknoweverythingwasokay—oratleastwouldbe—andguidedheroutsidetothewaitingcar.
Afterweallpiledinthecaranddroveawayfromthemadnessthatwasbuildingupattheentranceoftherestaurant,itwasLucywhotookmyhandinhersandmademefeellikeIhadconqueredtheworld.
ChapterTwenty-FourLucy
Shockingly,theamountofpeoplewaitinginfrontofAdam’sgatewasevenworsethanwhatwe’dseendowntown.Thankfully,notonesinglesoulcouldseethroughJason’sblackwindows,andAdamwentunnoticedaswedrovethroughthegatesandhewalkedintoJasonandOlive’shousewithus.
AsIheldontothebackofthecouchsoIcouldtakeoffmyheels,Iwatchedhimpacebackandforthlikeatrappedanimal.Notexactlysurewhattodoorwhattosayinasituationlikethis,Istayedsilent.Waspartofhisangerbecauseofthecheating?Sensingmyeyesonhim,heturnedtome.
“I’msorry,Lucy.IknowIsaidwe’dtalk,butIhaven’theardfromDanyet,andIneedtoknowhowbadthingsareatAdeline’s.”
Shakingmyhead,Ileftthesafetyofthecouchandwalkeduptohim.“Areyoucrazy?That’snotevenonmymindrightnow.I’mworriedaboutthelittleguy,too.”
Hesighedandrubbedhisforehead.
Prettymuchhelpless,ImetOlive’seyes.
“Jason?”shecalledoutasherhusbandjoinedusinthelivingroom.“MaybethedrivercantakeAdamtoAdeline’splace?”
“Yeah,hehasn’tleftyet,Adam.Ifthingsarethisbadatyourplace,itcan’tbeanybetteratAdeline’s.”
“That’swhatI’mafraid—”
Finally,hisphonestartedringing.
“Dan?What’sgoingon?”Hecoveredhiseyeswithhishandandreleasedasufferingsigh.“Yes.Didtheyseehimleave?Okay.Okay.That’sfine,bringhimthroughthegate.I’matJason’splace.I’llbethereinafewminutes.”
Endingthecall,heturnedtous.
“Heisbringinghimhere.ApparentlythingsareevenworseatAdeline’sandwhenheofferedtobringAidenbackheresoshecouldtakecareofeverythingelse,shedidn’tputupafight.”
Iclosedthedistancebetweenusandtouchedhisarm.“That’sgood,right?Doyouwantmetocometoo,soIcandistractAidenfromwhat’sgoingonoutside?”
Hetouchedmyface,hispalmwarmagainstmycheek.“Onlyifyoupromisetodistractmetoo.”
Icouldn’thelpbutsmileathim;hemademedothatalotthesedays.“Wemightbeabletoworksomethingout.”
***
AdamwalkedinwithAideninhisarms,Danbringinguptherearwithaferociousscowlonhisface.
“Lookwhoisheretoseeyou,bigguy,”AdammurmuredtoAiden,whosefacewasburiedinhisneckashislittlearmsheldontight.ThePJshewaswearinghadadorablelittlebluecarsonthem.
“Hi,Aiden.”Iwalkeduptothem,notsurewhatwasgoingonexactlyorhowbaditwas.Couldthedayhavegoneanyworse,forGod’ssake?Ithadstartedoutsopromisingonlytoturnintoacompletemess.
Aidencameoutfromhidingandgavemeasmallwave.“Hello,Lucy.Didyoucomeforme?”
Myfacebrightened.“Idid.YourdadaskedmeifIwantedtoseeyou,andIjumpedonit.Howareyoudoing?”
“Ihadatoughday.Mommywasreallysad.Ididn’twanttoleaveher,butshesaidIcouldn’thelp.”
Oh,dammit.IglancedatAdamandsawhisjawclench—andwhatasexyjawitwas.Ishookmyheadandfocusedontheanxiouslittleboy.
“Weallhavetoughdayseverynowandthen.DoyouknowwhatIdowhenIhaveatoughday?”Hislittlehandholdingontohisfather’sshirt,hejustshookhishead.“IhavealittleicecreamandwatchTheLionKingorZootopiawithmybestfriend.”Thosewerehisfavoritemoviestowatch.
“YouwatchthemwithOlive?”
Inodded.“Yes.ShelovesthemjustasmuchasIdo.”
Heblinkedafewtimes,hiseyesalreadysleepy.Danmusthavetakenhimrightoutofhisbed.
“Ilovethem,too.”Heturnedhiseyestohisdad.“Daddy,canIwatchthemwithLucynow?Ihadareallytoughday.”
AdamforcedatightsmileonhisfaceandbrushedawayAiden’shair.“It’spastyourbedtime,Aiden.”
“Justalittle,Daddy?Please?”
“Howaboutwebuildafortrighthereinthelivingroomandwatchthemoviesunderit?Maybeifweinviteyourdadtowatchwithus,hewon’tsayno.”
Aiden’seyesgotbigandhopefulashestraightenedinhisdad’sarms.Outofthecornerofmyeye,IsawAdamsmileandDanshakehishead.
“ButIdon’tknowhowtomakeafort,Lucy.I’venevermadeonebefore.Haveyou?”
“OfcourseIdid,butIdon’tthinkIcanquitedoitwithoutyou.Wouldyouhelpme?”
“Yes,Icandothat.”Hetouchedhisfather’scheektogethisattention.“Canwebuildatent,Daddy?Youcanwatchwithus,too.IfLucystartscryingagain,youcanhelpmehugherandtellhersheisbeingsillyagain.”
Adamlaughedandnodded.“Okay.We’lldothatthen.”HeloweredAidendownandthemomenthislittlefeettouchedtheground,hestartedtowardhisbedroom.
“I’llbringmyfavoritepillow!”
“I’llgetthesheets.”AsIwaswalkingpastAdam,hegrabbedmywristandstoppedme.Iraisedmyeyebrowandlookedupathim.“Yourfetishagain?”
Heleaneddownandkissedme.Thesofttouchofhislips,theintimatethankyoumademyheadspinwhenhistonguesneakedintomymouth.BeforeIknewwhatwashappening,itwasover.
“Thankyouforbeinghere,Lucy.Beingwithus.”hesaidinagruffvoice.Aidencamerunninginwithtwopillowsinhishand.
“Ibroughtmyotherfavoritepillowforyou,Lucy.”
“Thankyou,littlehuman,”Isaidquietly.Hecarefullyplacedthepillowsonthecouchandreachedformyhand.
“Comeon,I’llshowyouwherethesheetsare.”Hepulledmeawayfromhisdadandstoppedatthemouthofthehallway.“Daddy,areyougonnahelpus?”
“IhavetotalktoDanbeforeheleaves.I’llbewithyourightafterthat.”
“Youdon’twanttowatchamoviewithus,Dan?”
“Ihavetoleave,bigguy.You’lltakecareofyourdadandLucyforme,won’tyou?”
Aidenvisiblypuffedouthischestandnodded.“Iwill.I’lldoagoodjob.”
Withthatpromise,hepulledmeintohisroomsowecouldchoosefromhisfavoritesheets.
Afterrummagingthroughvarioussets,wedecidedontwolightblueones,onegreenthatalmostmatchedhiseyecolor,onered,andonewhitewithredandblacktrainsonit.Wealsostoleafewpillowsfromhisdad’sbed.
Whenweemergedwithourloot,neitherAdamnorDanwasinsight.Aidendumpedeverythinginhisarmsonthefloorandhelpedmewithmine.
“Canyougetthecushionsdown?We’llstackthemonthecouchsowecanmakeithigher.I’llgoandcheckonyourdad.”
“Lucy…doyouthinkhe’dletushaveicecream?”
“Hmmm.”InarrowedmyeyestoappearlikeIwasthinkingveryhardaboutit.“I’llask,butIthinkhe’dsayit’salittlelatetohaveicecream.”
Aidencrossedhisarmsoverhischest,mimickingmystance,andtiltedhisheadtotheside.“Yeah,Ithinkyou’reright.Buthewouldn’tsaynoifweaskedhimtomorrow!AndmaybeMomcancomewithus,too.”
“Yes.You’reright.We’llaskhimtomorrow.”
IhelpedhimclimbontothecouchsohecouldthrowthecushionsonthefloorandheadedtowardthefrontdoorwhereIcouldhearAdam’svoiceslowlyrising.
“Hey,”Ihissed,grabbingtheattentionoftwoveryangrymen.“Heisworriedasitis;howaboutyoukeepitdownalittle?”
Dan’sscowldeepened,buthedidn’tsayanything.Adamwasonhisphoneandlookedsecondsawayfromlosingit.
“What’sgoingon?”IaskedDanquietly.
“Adeline,”hegrumbled,histonecommunicatinghisopinionofAdam’sexquiteclearly.
“Adeline,I’mnotgoingtomakeastatementwithyou.Idon’tcarehowthisaffectsyourcareeratall.Youshould’vethoughtaboutthatbeforeyoudecideditwouldbeagoodideatocheatonmewithadirectortogetarole.”
IbuggedmyeyesoutatDanandswallowedthewordsthreateningtospillout.
Oh,boy.
Inthenextbreath,Adam’sentirebodytensed.Icouldpracticallyseetheveinthrobbinginhisneck.Heclosedhiseyestotakeadeepbreaththatdidn’tseemtorelaxhimatall.
“Youwon’tdothattoAiden.Youwon’tmakehimgothroughthat.”
“Lucy!”Aidenshoutedmyname,andAdam’sheadsnappedtowardthenoise.
“I’msorry.I’llgo,”Imurmured,andhiseyessoftenedwhentheyfellonme.IracedbacktoAidenwithoutsayinganythingelse.
Whatthehellwasgoingon?
ChapterTwenty-FiveAdam
“YoueithercometonightsotheycangetashotofyouenteringmyhousewithasmileorthestatementImaketomorrowwillbeadifferentone,Adam.”
ThosewereAdeline’slastwordsasshehunguponme.
“What’sgoingon?”Danasked,tryingtokeephisvoicedown.IcouldhearLucy’smurmuringstoAidenastheystartedonthefortLucyhadpromised.Icheckedthetime:teno’clock,waypastAiden’sbedtime.
“Shewantsmetomakeastatementwithherandbasicallyhintthatwearegettingbacktogether.”
Dan’sfacehardened.“Andifyoudon’t?”
“IfIdon’t,she’lltalkaboutAiden.”
“Evenshewouldn’tdothat,”Dancounteredasafrownappearedonhisface.“Doesshethinkitwouldn’tbackfireonher?”
MythroattightenedasItriedmybesttoswallowdownmyangerwhenallIwantedtodowassmashmyphoneagainstthewallandjustgobewithmysonandLucy.
IheardLucyreleaseamockgrowlthenAiden’slaughfilledthehouse.“Ihavetogo,”Isaidgruffly,lookingintoDan’seyesasLucyandAiden’slaughterranginmyears.“Sheistrapped.Sheisn’tthinkingclearly,andIcan’triskhermakingamistakelikethat.”
“I’lltakeyoutoher.”
InoddedasDanopenedthedoorandsteppedoutside.“Youstartthecar;I’llberightthere.”
IfoundAidenstandinginfrontoftheTVandlaughingatLucyasshetriedtosaveherselffromtheattackofthesheetoverherhead.
“Iwillgetyou,littlehuman.”ShegrowledandmovedtowardAiden,andhesquealedandrantohidebehindmylegs.
“Aiden,whydon’tyougetthepillowsinmybedroom,too?”
Hetiltedhisheadtolookupatme.“Wecantakethemall?”
“Ofcourse.Ifwe’regonnamakeafort,itbetterbeacomfortableone,don’tyouthink?”
Henoddedenthusiasticallyandranaway,andIturnedtofindLucystaringatmewithknowingeyesasshepulledAiden’strainsheetoverhershoulders.
“Youhavetogo.”
Iclosedthedistancebetweenusandpulledherintomyarms,breathinginhersoftscenttocalmmyselfdown.Thesheetsliddownhershoulders,flutteringtothefloorasshemovedherhandsovermychest,instinctivelyunderstandingwhatIneededfromher.
“Ihavetotalktoher.Sheis…ifIdon’t,she’sgoingtomakeabigmistake.”
Shepulledbackandlookedintomyeyesforafewseconds.“Iunderstand.”
Ismiled.Shecouldn’tunderstandthis.Shecouldn’tunderstandhowmuchit’dhurtAidenifAdelinesaidsomethingstupidinfrontofthecamerasjusttogettheattentionoffherself.
“Youcan’t,butIpromisetoexplaineverythingoneday.”
Thesecondthewordsleftmymouth,IknewI’dsaidthewrongthing,evenbeforeIsawthesmallflinch.Shepulledbackcompletely.“Yousaidwe’lltalk,right.We’lldothatoneday.”
“Lucy,no.”Itouchedherfaceandtookcomfortinthefactthatshedidn’tpullaway.“This…whateveritisthat’sgoingoninAdeline’slifechangesnothingforus.Youstilldon’tgettorunawayfromme.”
Aidencameoutwithtwopillowshuggedtohischest,bothofthemlargerthanhissmallbody,andIhadtoletgoofLucy.
TakingthepillowsawayfromAiden,Iliftedhimupinmyarmsandpressedakissonhisforehead.“Ihavetogoandcheckonyourmom,butI’llbebackassoonasIcan.Wouldthatbeokaywithyou?”
“Lucygetstostay?”HiseyesflittedbetweenmeandLucy.
“Yes.Lucygetstostaywithyou.YoutwostartthemovieandI’llcatchupwithyou,okay?”
“You’lltakecareofMomsoshewon’tcryanymore?Itriedtogiveherahug,butshedidn’twantit.”
Ihuggedhimalittletightertomyself.“I’lltakecareofyourmom.Youdon’thavetoworryaboutathing,buddy.Dowehaveadeal?”
Hehuggedmyneckandnodded.
ImouthedaquickthankyoutoLucyandloweredAidendownsohecouldgetbacktobuildingafortwithhisfriend
Beforeshecouldturnaway,IstoleaquickkissfromLucythatdidn’tlastlongenoughandgotout.
***
Adelinewaspacinginherlivingroomwhereallthedrapeshadbeenpulledclosedwhenherassistantletusinthroughthefrontdoor.Ihadbeenright:thestreetwaslitteredwithpaparazzithatcametolifeassoonastheysawmycarcomearoundthecorner.
“Leaveusalone,”AdelineorderedherassistantandDan.
EventhoughDanalreadykneweverythingtherewastoknowaboutus,IpreferredtohavethisconversationwithAdelinealone.
“Wehavetomakeastatement,”Adelinestartedasshelightedupacigarette.“Don’tlookatmelikethat,”shesnappedbeforeIcouldmakeanykindofcomment.“It’sjuststress.I’mnotstartingupagain.”
Istayedsilent.ShecouldsmokeherselftodeathforallIcared.
“Wehavetomakestatement,”sherepeated.“Together.Idon’tknowwhatwe’llsayexactly,atleastnotyet,butyouhavetobeinfrontofthecameraswithme,holdingmyhand.Neilandyourmomagreewithme.”
“Mymom?You’restilltalkingtoher?”
Shepuffedoutsomesmoke,andIfoundmyselftryingtopinpointexactlywheneverythinghadstartedtogosowrongforus.Haditeverbeenright?“Shesaidyou’renotansweringhercalls.This…thisthingaffectsthemtoo.Theydon’twantthefamilynametobementionedalongwithsomethinglikethis.”
“Didtheyforgetthatyou’renotfamilyanymore?”
Shepressedthecigaretteintoanashtraywithjerkymovementsandpickedupanotheroneasshetiltedherheadatme.
“AmInotAiden’smom,Adam?Doesthatnotmakemeyourfamilyforever?Andyoumightprefernottotalktothem,butIstillconsiderthemmyfamily.”
Ofcourseshedid.Shefitrightinwiththem.
Iclenchedmyfistsandfacedthewindowsthatlookedoutatasmallguesthouseandthebackyard.
“Ithoughtsotoo.Neilthinkstheonlyreasontheyhaven’tmentionedwhoI’mwithinthevideoisbecausehisfacewascutoff.Fromthestillsthey’releakingitdoesn’tlookliketheyhaveabetterangleandwecanusethat.WecanreleaseastatementorhaveNeilinterviewusaboutit,orsomeoneelseifyouwantto.Hethinksthebestwaytogoaboutthisistosayitwasshotwithoutourknowledgeandweknewnothingaboutit.”
Somewhereinthemiddleshelostme.“Excuseme?Whatdoyoumeanwithoutourknowledge?”
“Wehavetosayit’savideoofus.Thedatematches.TheonlyreasoneveryoneissoobsessedwithitisbecausetheythinkIwascheatingonyouandthatI’mthereasonourmarriageended.Ifwetellthemthatit’syou,everyonewillloseinterest.Youcomingheretonight…”Shegesturedoutsidewiththecigarettebetweenherfingers.“Themgettingapictureasyoupulledin,thatwillhelp.Afterall,ifIhadcheatedonyou,youwouldn’thavecome.”
“Butthat’snotthereasonI’mhere,isit?”
Shetookadeepdragofhercigaretteandblewittowardtheceiling.“No,itisn’t.AndlikeItoldyouonthephone,Idon’twanttomakeastatementaboutAiden,butifyouforcemyhand,tosavemyself,mycareer,Iwilldoexactlythat.Afterthedivorce,thisisallIgot,Adam.Ifyouhadn’tfiledforcustodymaybethiswould’vejustblownover,buteverythingcamebacktoback.Ican’tletasextaperuineverything.”
Westaredateachotherinthesilencethatfollowedherwords.
Iforcedasmileonmylipsandclappedatherperformance.“Andwhenyouthrowusunderthebus,willyouaddthatitwasyourideafromthebeginning?”
Shesmiled,thetensionmeltingawayfromherfeaturesandmakingherlooksoftandsweet.“OfcourseIwill.Youdidn’twanthimafterall.Iwastheonewhohadtotalkyouintoit.Youcan’targuewiththat,canyou?”
“Whathappened,Adeline?Whathappenedtoyou?”Iasked,alreadypasttheshockanddisgust.
Puttingouthercigarette,shewalkeduptome.“Ilovehim.Ilovehim,Adam.Pleasedon’tmakemehurthim.NothingendedupbeingwhatIwishedfor,butIdidmybest.Ididmybestasyourwife,andIdon’tdeservethis.AllI’maskingforisyourhelp.Nothingmore.Wecanactlikewe’rethinkingofgettingbacktogether.We’llpretendasifthisbroughtusbacktogether,andwhenthewaterssettledownagainandIstartfilmingregularly,I’llletyouhavesolecustody—”
Thedoortoherlivingroomslammedopen,joltingbothofus.
“Dan,what’sgo—”
“Weneedtoleave.Weneedtoleaverightnow.”
ChapterTwenty-SixLucy
LyingnexttoAidenasheslept,myowneyesstartedtocloseasIwaitedforAdam.Iwasn’texactlysureifwe’denduptalkingaboutuswhenhegotback,andquitefranklyIwasprobablythelastthingonhismind,butstill,talkornotalk,IknewI’dfeelmuchbetterwhenhewasbackwithus.
Aidenhadfallenasleeptenminutesintothemovieafterwebuiltourimpromptufortthatwasonlyreallybigenoughforthetwoofus.Hesnuggledclosertomeinhissleep,andIsmileddownathim.Hewastheperfectkid.
“Canyoukeepasecret,Lucy?”hehadaskedmejustmomentsbeforehiseyeshadlostthefightandhehadfallenasleep.
“Ofcourse.Ilovesecrets.Tellme.”
HelookedawayfromtheTVandplayedwithhispajamabottoms.“Icriedtoday.”
“Whathappened?”Iwhisperedbackjustasquietlyashehad.
Heliftedhiseyesuptomeetmine,hisfingersstilltwistingandpullingatthefabric.“Youcan’ttellmydad,though.Okay?”
Nodding,Iwaitedforhimtocontinue.“Mymomwasonthephonetodayandshewascrying,soIthoughtIcouldgiveherahugandmakeitokay,likeIdidwithyouwhenyoucriedoverLionKing,butwhenItriedtogetherattention,sheyelledatmeandtoldmetogetbacktomyroom.Mynannyrushedaftermeandsaidmymomwasjustsadanddidn’tmeantoyellatme,butIstillcriedalittlebecauseIdon’twanthertobesad.Ijustwantedtogiveherahug.”
Thebitch!
“I’msureshedidn’tmeantoyellatyou,Aiden.Ithinkshewashavingabaddaytoday,whichiswhyyourdadleftsohecouldhelpher.She’llbeokay.”
“Iknow,”hemurmured.“Butitmademecryanyway.Ialwaysmissmydadwhensheyellsatmebecausesheneveryellswhendaddyisthere.”Itriedtofindsomethingtosaybutcameupempty.
Shit.
“Loveyou,Lucy,”Aidenmurmured,hiseyesalreadyclosed.
Myheartmeltedinmychest,andIsecretlyplottedwaystokilltheoh-so-put-togetherbitch.Maybeaheavycameracouldfallonherface?Thatwouldbefun.Who’dyellatakidwhentheyofferedtogiveyouahugjusttomakeyoufeelbetter?Likewhointhefuckingworld?
“Iloveyou,too,littlehuman,”Imurmuredbackandbrushedalightkissonhischeek.
Ifeltmyeyesslowlystarttoclose,soIscooteddownandgotalittlemorecomfortablewithoutwakingAidenup.
Iwasn’tsureifitwassecondsorminuteslater,butsomethingwokemeup.Groggyandnotexactlysurewhatwasgoingon,IlookedaroundandlistenedtoseeifwhatI’dheardwasAdam.
Thedoordidn’topen.Therewasnosoundofacar.TherewasnoAdam.
I’dmutedtheTVbeforeI’dclosedmyeyes,butthelightfromthemoviewasenoughthatIcouldseearoundclearly.
Whenthatweirdfeelingdidn’tgoaway,Irubbedmyeyesandslowlysatup
ItwasthenIheardthesharpsoundofatwigbreaking.Myheartbeatingheavilyinmychest,Ipulledbackthesheetsandpeeredoutfromourlittlehidingplace,towardthebackyard.Itwasdarkoutside,andmorethanthat,thecouchinfrontofthewindowswasmakingitimpossibletoseeoutsidefrommypointofview.
Onmyhandsandknees,Icrawledoutofthefortandwaited.
Listened.
Nothing.
Butthen,something.
Isawsomeonewalkingpastthewindowashisorhershadowfellonthewoodflooringrightinfrontofme.
Holdingbackmygasp,IcrawledbackandstartedtoshakeAiden.
“Aiden.Aiden,youhavetowakeup.”Myvoicewasbarelyaudible.
Hemoanedandblinkedhiseyesopen.
“Aidenyouhavetogetupforme,okay?”
“IsDaddyback?”
“Notyet,sweetheart,butIneedyoutogetupnow,okay?”
“Okay,”hemumbled,lettingmepullhimintoasittingposition.
Iheardaclickingthatsoundedsuspiciouslylikesomeonetryingtoopenthedoor,butasecondlateritwasallsilentagain.
Aidenkeptrubbinghiseyes,butIpulledhishandsdowntogethisattentionagain.“Aiden,listentome.Ineedyouto—”Holyshit!IrealizedI’dleftmyphoneinAdam’sroomwhenwewerestealingmorepillowsfromhim.“Aiden,assoonasIsayso,wewillruntoyourdad’sroom,okay?Canyoudothatforme?”
“Butwhy?”
“Becauseweneedtohide,okay?”
“Isthisanemergency?”
“Yes.Yes,itis.WeneedtohidesoIcancallyourdadandtellhimtocomebackhere,okay?”
Hescratchedhisheadandgavemeanadorablyconfusedlook,whichwouldhavebeencuteifthepossibilityofdangerwasn’tsoimminent.
“But,ifthereisanemergencywearesupposedtocallnine-one-oneandDan.Daddytoldmeso.”
“You’reabsolutelyright,butfirstweneedtogettoyourdad’sroomsoIcangetmyphone,okay?”
HenoddedasIhelpedhimuptohisfeetandstayedonmyknees.Hewasshortenoughthathecouldn’tbeseenoverthecouch.
Takingashakybreath,IcrawledawayfromAidenforasecond.Holdingontothearmofthecouch,Ipeeredoutside,andwhenIwassuretherewasnoonelurkinginfrontofthewindows,IgotuptomyfeetandtoldAidentorun.
Ican’ttellyouhowgratefulIwasthathedidn’tmademesayittwiceandranstraighttohisdad’sroom.
Iwasrightbehindhim.
Myhandsshaking,IgrabbedmyphonefromthetopofthedresserandbarelymanagedtofindDan’snumberinmycontactslist.
“Everythingallright,Lucy?”
“Dan,”Iwhispered,relieffillingmeassoonasIheardhisvoice.“Dan,someoneisoutinthebackyard.Ithinkthey’retryingtogetin.Youneedtocomebacknow.”
“Lucy.”Hisvoicewasassteadyasalways,butunfortunatelyitdidnothingtocalmmyracingheart.“IneedyoutotakeAidenandhide.Canyoudothat?CanyougetAidenandhideinoneoftherooms?”
“Look,thismightbenothing,”Isaidwhenhewasdonefreakingmeoutevenmore.“Maybeitwasjust—”
Someoneknockedonawindow,thenoiseasclearasabell,andIjumped,myheartinmythroat.
“Talktome,”Danorderedinasharpervoice.
“Okay.Okay,weneedtohideandyouneedtogetbackhererightnow,Dan.Theyjustknockedonthewindow.Getbackherenow!”
IendedthecallandrealizedIwasoutofbreathasifIhadjustrunafreakingmarathoninthelastminuteIwasonthephone.ThenImetthefrightenedeyesofafive-year-oldwhohadheardeverysinglewordofwhatIhadjustsaid.Cursingatmyself,IkneeledinfrontofhimandbeforeIcouldutteraword,hethrewhimselfinmyarms.
“I’mscared,Lucy.”
“It’sokay,”IassuredhiminwhatIhopedwasastrongvoice.“It’llbeokay,Aiden.I’mrightherewithyou,andyourdadandDanwillbehereassoonastheycan.”
Thenmyworstnightmarehappened:weheardtheunmistakablesoundofsomeonebreakingawindow.
AssoonasAidenstartedscreaming,Iputmyhandonhismouthandmuffledhisscreams.Histear-filledeyesmetmine,andIshookmyhead.Tuckinghislegsaroundmywaist,IgotupfromthefloorandrantowardtheadjoinedroomthatwasAdam’scloset.
Itwaseithertheworstplacetohideorthebest.Afterlookingaroundtofindthebestspot,Ipartedtherowofpants,droppedbacktomyknees,andurgedAidentocrawlbacktothenarrowemptyspacebetweentheclothesandthewall,hopingwe’dbeconcealed.Icrawledinrightafterhimandpulledhimbackintomyarms.
Icouldalreadyfeelhistearswettingmyshirtashecriedsilently.
Holdingmybreath,Itriedtolistenforfootsteps,butcouldn’thearadamnthing.Quicklydialingnine-one-one,Itoldtheoperatorwhatwasgoingoninahushedwhisper,gavehimtheaddress,andlethimknowthatwewerehiding.
Hetoldmetostayonthelineandthatthecopsweredispatched,butallIcouldhearwasamanwhisperingAiden’snameashisfootstepsgotcloserandcloser.
“Icanhearfootsteps.Ican’ttalk.Ihearhisfootsteps,”Imumbledtotheguythatwastryinghisbesttokeepmecalm.Shakinglikealeaf,IputdownthephoneandgesturedatAidentobequiet.Justtomakesure,Iputmyhandoverhismouthandwhisperedtohimtoclosehiseyes.I’mnotashamedtoadmitIdidthesame.
Thehouseandourhidingplacewerecompletelydark,butthesimpleactofclosingmyeyesgavemeastupidsenseofsecuritythatmeantnothingiftheguyfoundus.
Ifitwerejustme,ifAidenwasn’tclingingtomeasifhislifedependedonit—andmaybeitdid—Iwould’vegrabbedsomethingsharporheavyand…hell,Idon’tknow,maybeIwould’veattackedhimmyself.IknewIcouldn’tdothat,couldn’triskAiden.
ThefootstepsstoppedinfrontofAdam’sroom,ormaybehewasintheroom.Iwassecondsawayfrompassingoutandtheonlythingthatstoppedmewasthelittleboyinmyarmswhowasshakingevenharderthanme.ThenachillwentdownmyspinewhenanotherwhispercameashecalledoutAiden’snameagain
“Aiden.I’mheretotakeyouhome.Youcancomeout,yourmomsentmetogetyou.”
Iheldthekidtightertomyselfandrestedmyheadagainsthis,myhandstillverymuchcoveringhismouth.TheamountofpressureIwasputtingonmybodytokeepbothofusstillwascolossal.Andyet,ifhesteppedintotheroom,Iwasprettysurehe’dspotusinaheartbeat.
Thefootstepsretreatedwithoutanyothersound,andIswalloweddownmyscream.
WecouldhearhimwhisperAiden’snameashesearchedeveryroomforhim.
ThenIheardthesweetsoundsofthepolicesirensandletthefirstteardropsfallfrommyeyes.
ChapterTwenty-SevenAdam
Therewasaseaofpeopleinfrontofourhouse.Isawthreepolicecruiserswiththeirredandbluelightsflashingandcountlesscamerastryingtogetaviewinsidethewide-opengatesastwoofficerstriedtoholdthemback.
We’dcallednine-one-oneonourwaytothehouseandlearnedthatLucywasonthelinewithanotheroperator.WhentheyaskedmeforthegatecodesasLucyhadstoppedresponding,Ithoughtmyhearthadstoppedbeating.
Nothing,andImeannothingcouldhavepreparedmeforthemessthatwaswaitingbackathome.
“Youneedtostaycalm,”Daninstructedme.“Therearecameraseverywhere,Adam.Iftheguyisstillhere,youneedtostaycalm.”
Noneofhiswordsreallypenetratingthehazeinmymind,Iwatchedasthecameraspulledbackfromthegateassoonastheyrecognizedthecar.Theyswarmedaroundus,makingitimpossibletomovefarther.
IgnoringDan’sshouts,Ipushedopenthedoor,knockingafewcamerasdownintheprocess,andranuptothegates.
ThefirstthingIspottedwasmysoninJasonThorn’sarmsrightoutsideourhousenexttoanotherpolicecruiser.Somethingbrokeinsideme—ormaybesomethingmended…maybeboth.Ilostcountofthesecondsittookmetogetpastthecopswhotriedtoblockmeandgettotheirside.
“Hefellasleep,”Jasonmurmuredashegentlypassedmysonintomyarms.Iranmyhandovereveryinchofhisbodytoconvincemyselfthathewasokay,thatnoharmhadcometohim,andcrushedhimtomychestasmybreathshudderedoutofme.Alltheruckusgoingonjustafewfeetawaydidn’tevenfazehimashisheadfellonmyshoulderandhistinyhandsinstinctivelyheldontomyshirt.
Idroppedmyforeheadonhisshoulderandtookadeep,calmingbreath.
WhenIliftedmyhead,allthatmatteredwasfindingLucy…andshewasrightthere,righttherenexttoOlive,holdingherfriend’shandinatightgripastearsrandowntheirfaces.
“Ifuckingloveyou,”Isaidinagrowl,goingforher.“Ifuckingloveyou,Lucy.”
SheheldontomejustastightasIwasholdinghertomyself.
Herbodyshookagainstmine,andIheardherbreathhitch.IfIcouldhave,ifithadbeenpossible,Iwould’veheldhercloser,pulledhertighter.
“Iloveyou,”Iwhisperedintoherneckbeforebrushingakissonherskin.“Iloveyou.Iloveyou.”
Iclosedmyeyesandignoredalltheshoutsandtheflashes.
IkissedherlipscountlesstimesasItastedhertears.
Ikissedherneck,herthroat,hernose.Everywhere.Everyinch.
Ithankedheragainandagainforbeingthereformysonforthesecondtime.
Iheldherinmyarmsforlongminutes.
Iignoredtheentireworldaroundus
Itwasatthatmoment,thatspecificmomentwhereeveryonearoundusdisappearedanditwasjustthethreeofus,whereshetrustedmeenoughtoholdherup,trustedmeenoughtoletmewhispermylovetoher,thatmademesureIwoulddoeverythinginmypower—evenifitmeantfightingwithher—tomakeherunderstandthatIwastheonewhowouldmakeherhappyfortherestofourlives,thatIwastheonewhohadalreadybrokenhercurse.
ATerrifyingNightfortheConnorFamily
Whataday,folks.Whatafreakingday…
ThedaystartedwithAdelineYoungrefusingtocommentoranswerquestionsaboutthesextaperumorsandsomehowprogressedintoanightmarewhenanallegedstalkerofAdelinebrokeintoAdamConnor’shouseinBelAir.However,thatwasn’thowthenightendedfortheAcademyAward-winningactor.Thenight’sbigendingwashimbeingphotographedwithanotherwomaninhisarmsastheykissedinfrontofthecameras.Ittooksometime,butwefinallyidentifiedtheluckywomanasOliveThorn’sliteraryagent,LucyMeyer.ThecouplewasalsophotographedhavingdinnerwithJasonandOliveThornthenightbefore.
BeforewecrybucketsoftearsformissingouropportunitywithAdamConnor,let’sgetbacktotheterrifyingnighthissonandhisnewgirlfriendhad.
TheallegedstalkerJ.D.isapparentlyoneofAdelineYoung’snumberonefanswhotookthingsmorethanalittlebittoofar.Afterhewasarrestedintheactor’shouseforstalkingandbreakingandentering,J.D.admittedthathehadbeenstalkingAdelinefordaysnow.Headmittedtobreakingintothehouseandsaidhe“meanttoharmAdamConnorforupsettingAdeline,”whohebelievedwashisfuturewife.“Icouldn’tsitbackandwatchhercrywhileAdamConnortookhersonawayfromher.”
Inthevideobelow,youcanhearthetearfulnine-one-onecallthenewgirlfriendmade,anditintensifiesthechillingnighttheyhadastheyhidintheclosetuntilthepoliceenteredthehomeandapprehendedtheintruder.Asfarasweknow,J.D.wasn’tarmedwhenhewasarrested,butnoneofuswanttoevenimaginehowhewouldhavereactedifhehadfoundAidenConnorandLucyMeyerintheirhidingplace,ashebelievedhewastheretosavethelittleboyfromhisfatherandreturnhimtohismother.
Anhourbeforetheemergencycallwasmade,AdamConnorhadbeenphotographedenteringhisex-wife’shome.Fromwhatoursourcessay,heracedhomeassoonasheheardsomethingwaswrongbackathisplace.ThephotosbelowshowhimrunninguptohishouseashetakeshissleepingsonfromhisneighborJasonThorn’sarmsandholdsontohiscryinggirlfriend.
We’resorelievednoonewasharmedandthatAidenConnorisspendingthenightsafeinhisfather’sarms.
We’realsoworkingtirelesslytofindoutmoreaboutthenewgirlfriend.
ChapterTwenty-EightAdam
Afterthecopsleftwiththeintruderincuffs,JasonandOlivewentbacktotheirhomewithpromisestocomebackinthemorningandhelpwithwhateverweneeded.Aftereverythingwassaidanddone,itwasonlythefourofusleftbehind.
WithAidenstillsleepinginmyarms,IgrabbedLucy’shand,guidedustomybedroom,andclosedthedoorbehindme.Ineededtobealonewiththemforthenight,knowingDanwouldbebusymakingcallsandtakingcareofthingsforme.Morningwasn’ttoofarawayanyway;I’ddealwitheverythinginjustafewhours.Butforthenight,atleastfortheremaininghours,IwaswhereIwantedtobe.
LucyhelpedmetuckAideninandsatwithmeforafewsilentminutesasIwatchedmysonsleeppeacefully,hishandstuckedunderhishead,hismouthslightlyopen.Ibrushedhishairawayfromhisforeheadandsmiledwhenhekickedmylegwithhisfeet.IfIhadn’tknownhe’dalwaysbeenaveryheavysleeper,Iwould’vebeenworriedabouthisabilitytosleepthroughallthecommotion.WhenIwassurehewasokayandsafe,IpulledLucyintothebathroomwithme,ignoringherquestioninglook.
Iheardthesoftclickindicatingthatthedoorwasshutandjustrestedmyforeheadagainstthedooruntilmyheadwasn’tspinninganymore.
IfeltLucy’shandonmyshoulderandback,stroking,caressing.
“Heisokay,Adam.Heissafenow.”
Iturnedaroundandgrippedherwristsinmyhands,nothardenoughtohurther,butnotlooseenoughthatshe’dthinkshecouldgetawayeasily.
“You’resafe,too.Thisisit,Lucy,”Isaidthickly.“Thisisallthetalkyou’llget.Givemeeverythingyougot,tellmeallthereasonswhywecan’tbetogether,andI’llproveeveryoneofthemwrong.Thisisit.Youwon’tgetanotherchance.Iwon’tletyougo.”
Iforcedmybodytodotheexactoppositeandletgoofherwrists.Iwaited,stillstandinginfrontofthedoor,blockingher.Ididn’tthinkshe’drunawayfromme,butwithLucyyoucouldneverknow;shealwayshadawayofsurprisingyou,andIwasn’tabouttotaketherisk.
“Okay,”shesaidwithasigh.“Okay,Adam.Youwin.”
Islippedmyhandaroundherwaistandpulledhercloser.“Iwinwhat,exactly?”
“Apparentlyyouwinme.”Shegavemeatentativesmileandraisedherfistintheair.“Yay?Congrats?Yougotyourselfarelationship.Enjoy.”
“I’mblindedbyyourenthusiasm.”
“You’rewelcome.”
Anunexpectedlaughbubbledoutofme,andIleaneddowntokissher,butshestoppedmebeforeIcouldtasteher,beforeIcouldmakehereyesgooutoffocus.
“BeforeyougivemewhatI’mprettysurewillbeanawfulkiss,IwantyoutoknowthatIknowthatthiscan’tgoanywhere.”
Ishookmyheadandexhaled.“Youhavetostopitwiththeenthusiasm,Lucy.”
“I’mbeingserious.Ineedyoutoknowthatit’sokay.Whenthetimecomesandthisends—”
“Becauseofthecurse,right?”
“Yes.Makefunofmeallyouwant,butwhenthiscomestoanend—”
Ireacheddownandpulledhershirtoffher,successfullyshuttingherup.
“Whatareyoudoing?”sheaskedcalmly.
“Timetotalkisover.”
“Ijustwantedtotellyouthatit’sok—”
Ipulleddownherpants,liftingherfeetoneatatimetofreethem.ThenIdidthesamewithherunderwearassheheldontomyshoulders,andthenItookoffherbra.Reachingforherhair,Ipulledoutthehairtieandwatchedherhairfalldownontoherbareshoulders.
“Okay,Adam.Okay.”
Thenitwasherturntoslipherhandsundermyshirtandfeelmyhotskinunderherfingertips.Iwashardtohersoft.Whenshepulledupmyshirt,Istrippeditoff.
Iwatchedherunbuttonmypantsandpullthemdownwithmyboxerbriefs.
Iwasreadyforher.Completely.Heartandbody.
Herhandcircledaroundmyhard,warmcock,andIclosedmyeyestoenjoythefeelofherskinonmine,gentlybringingmetotheedge.Capturinghereyeswithmyown,Istaredintothebeautyofherandtookherlips.
Lettingmyhandsmovedownherbody,Iscoopedherupassheletoutasmallgaspandwrappedherarmsaroundmyneck,herlegsaroundmywaistasIdroppedherontothecounter.
Weneedednowordsforthis.
IleaneddownandbreathedintheuniquescentofherIhadcometolovesomuch.Shedroppedherheadbackandmoanedsweetly.IlovedthatIcoulddothistoher,thatIcouldsoftenheredges,softenherheart.Liftingherbreasttomymouth,Icircledmytonguearoundhernippleandkneadedherfleshinmyhanduntilherbreathingbecameheavy.
Ikissedherwhensheaskedmeto,thenstoppedwhenshegroanedandthrewherheadbackasmyfingersenteredher.Iabsorbedeverybreath,everymoan,everypleathatfellfromherlips.Whenitallbecametoomuch,Iguidedmyselfinsidehersoakingwetpussyandswalloweddownherlonggroanasbothofuswatchedmebecameonewithher.
“Justyouandmefromnowon,Lucy,”Iwhisperedintoherskin.“Justyouandme.”
Droppingmyforeheadonhershoulder,IslidoutwhenIwashalfwayinandgaveheralittlemorewhenIknewshewasreadytotakeallmylength.Herfingersrakedmyshoulders,herbackarching,herbreastspushingagainstmychest.IwatchedherbiteherbottomlipasherbrowsdrewintogetherwhenIwasburieddeepinsideher.
Imadelovetoheranditwasnodifferentthanwhatwe’dhadbefore.Ithadbeenthebestwithherfromtheveryfirsttime.IbaskedineverygaspasIdroveinsideherandwhenshebeggedmeformore,Igavehermore.
Ilovedherharder.
Kissedherdeeper.
HeldhertightertomesoIcouldgivemoreandmoreandmore.
“Iwanteverything,Adam.”Shepantedintomyearasmythrustsshookherbodyandcausedhertoslideback.Iputonehandonherlowerbacktokeepherinplaceandslippedmyarmunderherkneetoopenherwider,goindeeper.
“Youdon’twantjustmycock,doyou?That’snoteverything.Youwantmetoo.”
Herfingersdugdeeperintomyskin,andshenodded.“Iwantyouandyourcock.Iwantitallwithyou.”
“You’llhaveeverything,”Iwhisperedashermusclesstartedtwitchingaroundmeandshebecamerigidinmyarms.
Shebitmyshouldertokeepherselfquiet,andIpickedupmythrusts,givinghereverythingjustlikesheaskedeverytimeIwasinsideher.Icontinueduntilsherelaxedinmyarmsanditwasmyturntoletitgo.Icameinsideherwithmyowngroanassheheldmyfaceinherhandsandkissedmeforwhatfeltlikedays.
EvenafterI’dgivenhereverythingIhad,Ikeptrockingintohergently.Icouldtakeherforhoursifwehadthetime.Iwasstillhardenoughtokeepgoing,butIknewIneededtoholdmysoninmyarmsjustasmuchasIwantedtobeinsidethewomanIloved.
Igavemyselfafewmoreminutes,tookherslowly,andstrokedmyselfinherheat,justuntilourbreathssloweddown.Itoldmyself,justanotherminute…whenshesurprisedusbothbycomingaroundmycockagain,atinglewentdownmyspine,andIcamewithher.
Theonlythingonmylipswasthewhisperofhernameandthepromiseofus
AdamConnor’sNewLoveaHomewrecker?
Yesterday,justafewdaysafterwhatwentdownatAdamConnor’shouse,AdelineYoungsatdownwithVanityFairtospeakabouthermarriageandwhatreallywentdownbetweentheoncehappycouple.
Amidsttheallegedsextaperumors—we’restillwaitingontheedgeofourseatsforthatvideotobereleasedintotheworld,bytheway—AdelineYoungmadeanunexpectedstatement,andwe’renotsurewhattothinkofityet.
“Ineverwantedtotalkaboutthis,butafterseeingthephotosofthemtogether,Ididn’twantthistobesweptundertherug,”saidtheHollywoodactresswhenshewasshownthepicturesofAdamConnorinanembracewithLucyMeyerwhileheheldtheirsoninhisarms.“Noonecalledmetoletmeknowwhatwasgoingon,thatmysonwasindanger.IreadaboutitthenextdayandlearnedaboutthedetailsasIansweredthequestionsofthedetectiveswhoknockedonmydoor.Iwasblindsided.Itshouldn’thavebeenanannytakingcareofmysoninasituationlikethis.Heneededhismother,andIwasn’tgiventhechancetobethereforhim.”
Accordingtothebeautifulactress,LucyMeyerstartedtoworkforAdamConnorasAiden’snannybeforeshebecameOliveThorn’sliteraryagent.Whilethishappenedafterthecouplewasalreadydivorced,AdelineYoungclaimsthattheyweretalkingaboutgettingbacktogether,givingitanothershot.“Imether.Iwatchedherplaywithmyson.IwassoblindedbytheloveandtrustIhadformyhusbandthatIdidn’tseewhatshewastryingtodo.Ididn’tseeherforwhosheis.I’llneverstopfightingformyson.”
Shecontinuestoclaimthatthesextapewasrecordedwithnoneotherthanthehandsomeactorhimself.“Wewereyoung.Wemadeamistake.I’mafraidtheonlyreasonitresurfacedrecentlyisbecauseAdamdidn’twantmetocomeoutandtelltheworldhehadcheatedonmewithherinatimewhenIwassovulnerableandstillsoinlovewithhim.”
Theinterviewcontinuesinthesametone,andwearenotexactlysurewhattobelieveatthispoint.
Unexpectedly,assoonastheinterviewwentlive,Adam’srepsreleasedashortstatementoftheirown,claimingtherehadneverbeenamomentwhereAdelineandAdamdiscussedthepossibilityofgettingbacktogetherandthattherelationshipbetweenAdamConnorandLucyMeyerstartedonlyveryrecently.TheyalsoaddedthatLucyMeyerhadneverworkedasanannyforAdamConnor,thattheyonlyhadafriendshipthatbloomedintosomethingmoreastheycontinuedtospendtimetogether.
Wetoldyou,youshould’veactedfastandboughtyourselfashedclosetoAdamConnor’shousesoyoucouldknockonhisdoorandofferhimbakedgoodsormaybeaskforacupofsugar.Nowitseemslikewe’realltoolate.
ChapterTwenty-NineLucy
Ireadtheinterview.Ireadtheinterviewagainandagain,tryingtomakesomesenseofit,butnope,mynamewasstillthereandIwasaccused—quitebluntly—ofbreakingupamarriage.
HowcouldIhavebrokenupsomethingthatwasn’teventhere?Werethesepeoplethisstupid?
WhenIstartedreadingitforthefifthtime,OlivehadtoyankthetabletawayfromthedeathgripIhadonit.
“Whatthehell?”Ishouted,thenloweredmyvoicewhentheotherpeopleturnedaroundtogivemethestinkeye.Ileanedforwardinmyseatandgrippedtheedgesofthetabletoanchormyself.Thenmyphonestartedgoingoffandmyragehitanotherlevel.“Howdidtheyevengetmynumber?”
Olivesighed.“It’samess.”
“It’smorethanamess.WhatthehelldidIdotoher?”
“Youdidn’tdoanything,Lucy.IsuspectthisisjusttogetthespotlightoffherandontoAdam…orsheistryingtogetbackathim;whoknows.Eversincetheirdivorce,she’sbeenallovertheplace.YouknowthesayingThere’snosuchthingasbadpublicity…Ithinkshetookthattoheart.”
Weweredowntownatourfavoritecafé,waitingforOlive’snewpublishingteamtoarrivesowecouldgoovertheirplansforhernextnovel.Morethanthat,itwasacelebrationofthedeal.WelearnedabouttheinterviewfromMegan,Jason’spublicist,whenshecalledtoletOliveknowtherewasawholemediafrenzysurroundingitandthatitwaslikelyI’dbepesteredbyphonecalls.
IfI’dknownhowtruethatwas,Iwould’veneverhaveleftthehousethatmorning.Themomentwedroveoutofthegates,wewerefollowedbypaparazzi.
“Maybeshewashopingtogetbackwithhim.Imean,apparentlyshewas,accordingtoher.MaybeifIhadn’tclimbedthatdamnwall,they’dbebacktogetherbynow.Adamneversaidanythingaboutareconciliation,butwhatdoIknowabouttheirrelationship,right?Theyweremarriedforyearsandnotonlythat,theyhaveakidtogether.”
“Don’tgothere,Lucy.Iftheyweremeanttobetogether,itwouldn’thavematteredhowmanywallsyouclimbed.”
Itookadeepbreathandexhaled.
“Wecanleave,youknow.I’msureifwecalledJasonorAdamthey’dcomeandgetyou.”
“WhydoIhavetorunaway,though?Ididn’tdoanything.AndIwanttobeinthismeeting,dammit.Ididn’tdoanythingwrongthatrequiresmetotuckmytailandrunawayfromthevultures.”
Thetablestartedvibratingagain,soIgrabbedmyphoneandturneditoffcompletely;itwaseitherthatordropitintotheglassofwaterinfrontofme.
BeforeOlivecouldspeak,herphonestartedtogooff.Igrowledanddroppedmyheadintomyhandsinfrustration.
“No,wait,it’sAdam.Doyouwanttoanswer?”
Ithoughtaboutit.Ishouldn’thavefelttheneedto,butunfortunately,Idid.“Idon’tthinkIcandothatrightnow,”Iadmittedfinally.WhenOlivewincedandeyedherphone,Iadded,“It’snothim,Olive.Ijustdon’twanttotalkaboutthisrightnow.Iwanttoactlikeitneverhappenedforatleastafewmorehoursandfocusonthemeeting.”
“Okay,sowewon’tanswer.You’reright.Heknowswhereyouliveanyway,soit’snotlikeyoucanrunaway.”
“TheselastfewdaysI’vebeenwonderingwhosesideyou’reon,andthiskindagivesmetheanswer,Iguess.”
Shegavemeacheesygrin.“WhatcanIsay?Ilovethathemadeyoufallinlovewithhimsoeasily,andIthinkyou’vemetyourmatch;hewon’tletyougoeasilynomatterwhatyoudoorsay.Ithinkyou’recurse-free,LucyMeyer,andyoudon’tknowwhattodowithyourself.”
“Please.”Isnorted.“I’llbecurse-freethedayImarrysomeone,wearingawhitedress.That’sthetippingpointinourfamily.Noonehasquitemadeitthereyet.Andeventhen—”
Olive’sgazeshifted,andshegrabbedherwaterglasstohideanevenbiggersmilebehindit.
“What’swrongwithyou?Whyareyousnickering?”
Shegesturedbehindmewithaquickchinlift,andIturnedbacktofindfreakingAdamConnorbarrelingtowarduswithquick,angrysteps.
“Whyisyourphoneoff?”heaskedasagreeting.
“Whatthehellareyoudoinghere?”
Hegrippedmyelbowandpulledmeup.“You’recomingwithme.Wehavethingstodiscuss.”
Aspissedashelooked,hisgriponmyarmwasn’tfirm,soIshruggeditoffwithaquicktwist.
“AlthougheveryoneseemstothinkI’manannythesedays,I’mactuallyanagentandhaveameeting.I’mnotgoinganywhererightnow.”
Hisfrowndeepened,andheturnedtoOlive.“Isitokayifsheskipsthisone?”
Olivewaslisteningtoourexchangeinfascination.“Oh,please,”shepipedup.“Takeheraway.”
ThenextthingIknewIwasbeingusheredoutthroughabackdoorandintoawaitingSUV.
***
TheridebacktoAdam’shousewasdeadquiet.
Assoonaswewalkedthroughhisdoor,Iwhirledonhim.“Thatmeetingwasimportanttome,Adam.”
“Andyou’reimportanttome.Whydidyouignoremycalls?”
“Iignoredeverycall,notjustyours.AndlikeIsaid,Iwasbusy.”
“I’mnotgonnaletyoustewonsomethinglikethis,Lucy.NotifIcanhelpit.”
“Okaythen,talk.”Icrossedmyarmsovermychestandwaitedforhimtogoon.
Afterhewatchedmeforalongminute,heofferedmeaseat,whichIrejected.
“Okay,Lucy.Okay.Let’sdoityourway—aslongasyoudon’trunawayfromme.Theinterview…shesaysit’smeinthesextape,thatit’sus;itisn’t.”
“Youbroughtmeherejusttosaythat?Youweremarried,Adam.Soyouhadsexandrecordedit.Sowhat?Doyouthinkthat’swhypaparazziarehoundingme?ToaskwhatIthinkaboutit?”
Thesextapethingwasn’tevenonmyradar.WouldIhavewatchedit?Absolutelynot,butthatpartoftheinterviewwasn’ttheissue.Hewalkedclosertome,andIdroppedmyarms,readytobolt.
“Iboughtthetape.”
Hetookastepforward,andIbackedawaywithafrownonmyface.
“What?”
“Thismorning,Ipaidonemilliondollarstobuyasextapethatprovesmyex-wifecheatedonmewhileweweremarried,withadirector…mostlikelysoshecouldgetaroleinhismovie—whichshedidn’t.”
“Whydidyoudothat?”
“Becausesheisforcingmyhand.Iwon’tgoinfrontofcamerasorgiveinterviewstofuelthisstupidthingshestarted,butIcoulddothis.SoIdid.Now,ifsheinsistsoncomingafterme—oryouforthatmatter,she’llknowIcanprovehereverywordwrong.”
Itwastimeformetotakeaseat.“You’regonnablackmailher?”
“Notexactlyblackmailing.Intheory,itis,actually,butshecan’ttakethechanceofitgettingout,soIwon’tendupusingthetapeanyway.Nowthat’snotwhatIneedtotalkyouabout.Ijustwantedyoutoknowthatinterviewistheonlytimeshe’llutteryourname.Ifshekeepsatthischeatingthing,she’llhavetodealwiththeconsequences.”
“Ifthat’snotit,thenwhatdidyouwanttotalktomeabout?”Ileanedbackandbracedmyself.
“I’mgoingtotellyoualittlestory.Vicky,mysister…shewaseighteenwhenshemovedtoParis.Herfriendshereweren’texactlythebestinfluenceonher,andshegotintodrugs…notheavystuff,butstilldrugs.Aswediscussedbefore,myparentsthrewalotofpartiesandasmuchasItriedmybesttokeepherawayfromitallwhenshewasyounger…aftershereachedacertainage,myhelpwasn’tneeded.Longstoryshort,shehookedupwiththewrongpeopleand…gotpregnant.”
Ifrowned,notsurewherehewasgoing,butlistenedcarefully.Adamsatdownontheotherendofthecouchandtightenedhishandsintofists.
“MydadandmomarrangedforhertogotoParistostaywithmyauntwholivesthere.Theycouldn’triskascandallikethat.Shewasamonthandahalfpregnantwhentheysentheraway.AndVicky…shewassoyoung,Lucy.”Heglancedatmewithasmallsmileandlookedaway.“Itriedmybesttoshieldherfrommyparents,butintheendshemadeherownchoices.Iguesssometimesnomatterhowmuchyouwanttosavesomeone,youjusthavetoacceptthefactthatyoucan’t,notunlesstheyletyou.”Heshotmeanotherlookthengotupandstartedwalkingaround.
Ididn’tlikewherehisstorywasgoing.Ididn’tlikeitatall.
“Shedidn’twanttoraisethebaby,butshedidn’twanttohaveanabortioneither.And,well…”Herakedhisfingersthroughhishairandletoutadrylaugh.“I’veneversaidthistoanyonebefore.Feelsweird.”
Hewalkedtothewindowandjuststoodtheresilentlywithhisbacktome.Hehadthesameexpressiononhisfacehe’dhadthefirstnightwehadspiedonhim.Theonlydifferencewasthistimearoundtherewasnobarrierbetweenus,nowalls,noglasswindows.Hewasjustafewfeetawayfromme.
“Myparentsweren’tsokeenontheideaofgivingthebabyupforadoption,”hecontinued.“Theyweresureitwouldendupcomingbacktothem.Whilethiswholethingwasgoingon,IwaswithAdeline.ShecametoPariswithmewhenwevisitedVicky.SheonlyknewaboutthepregnancybecauseshewastherewhenIgotthenews,andIwasinlovewithherandwhyshouldn’tyoutrustthepersonyoulove,right?”
Facingme,hewaitedforsomething,ormaybehewaspreparinghimself.
“Aidenisn’tyourson,”Isaid,pointingouttheobvioustoeasethingsforhimincasethatwaswhathewaswaitingfor.
“Heismyson,Lucy,”hecorrectedmeimmediately.“ThemomentVickygavebirthtohimandIheldhiminmyarmshebecamemine,andhewillalwaysbemine.”
“Buthow?”Iblurted.“Imean…Idon’tgetit.”
“Adeline’sidea.Mindyou,shedidn’tshareitwithmefirst.Shetoldmyparents,andtheyjumpedonit.”
“Buthow?”Irepeatedagain.DidIfeelstupidforaskingthesamethingoverandoveragain?Sure…butIreallywantedtheanswer.“Irememberseeingherphotos,Adeline’s…Imean…shewaspregnant.”
“Shewasn’t.ShespentalotoftimeinParis,withVicky.Thehousewasn’tinthecity,sothepossibilityofthemgettingphotographedwasslimtonone.Whenshewashere,backinLosAngeles,sheworeoneofthosefakepregnancythings.Samewhenshepostedonsocialmedia.Trustme,itlooksfrighteninglyreal,andIwasfilminganyway,soneitheroneofuswasspendingalotoftimeinthecityanyway.OnlyahandfulofpeopleknewaboutVicky’spregnancy,Danbeingoneofthosefew,sotherewasnoonewhocouldlinkeverything.”
“Wow.”WhatelsecouldIsay?
“Adelinewantedtogetmarriedandwhatbettertimetotietheknotthanwhenyourgirlfriendisexpecting?”
“Again,wow.”
Andhejustkeptgoing.
“Myparentsthoughtitwastheperfectsolutiontoeverything.Vickywasokaywithit.Tobehonest,shedidn’tcarethatmuch.Everyonewashappy.”
“Andyou?Wereyouokaywithitall?Wereyouhappyaboutit?Igetit,yoursisterwasonlyeighteenandthat’syoungtohaveababyonyourown—bytheway,whowasthefather?”
Anotherforcedsmile.“Sheisn’tsure.Convenient,isn’tit?”
Icontinued,“Yeah,well,whatIwastryingtosayis,shewasyoung,okay,butyouweren’tthatoldeither.Youwerewhat?Twenty-two?”
Hegaveaquicknod.“AbabywouldhavebeenabigscandalwhenthemotherwasonlyeighteenandthedaughteroftheperfectHollywoodcouple,nottomentionanunknownfather.ItcouldhaveeitherbeenoneofVicky’sfriends,orhell,maybedearMomandDad’s.WiththewayVickywas,itwasimpossibletoguess.ButAdelineYounghavingmybabyandusgettingmarried…thatwouldbegoodnews.Greatnews.AndIlovedAdeline.AndIlovedmysister.Ithoughtmaybeshe’dsaidokaybecauseifIkeptthebaby,she’dgettoseehim.”
“ShestilllivesinParis,doesn’tshe?”
“Yes.She’sbeencleaneversinceshelearnedaboutthepregnancy,butyes,shedoesn’twanttocomebackhere.SoIgotoher.ItakeAidenwithme,andIgotoher,everyyearonherbirthday.”
“Soshecanseeherson,”Iguessedquietly.
Adamnodded.“Soshecanseewhatabeautifulsonshehas,butshewantsnothingtodowithhim.”
“Adam…Idon’tevenknowwhatto…”Iwantedtogotohim,butIalsowantedtoheareverythinghewantedsay,soIstayedputandwaitedfortherighttime.
“Shedoesn’twantAidentoknowabouther,soAidenwillonlyknowAdelineandmeashisparents.Idon’tmindthatanymore.Thislasttime…whenwewereinParisforVicky’sbirthday,neithermyparentsnorVickyspentmorethanafewminutesalonewithAiden.Ineverwanthimtofeelunwanted,neverwanthimtoworksohardtogainsomeone’sattentionlikethat,soIdon’tthinkwe’llbegoingbacktoParisanytimesoon.”
Ididn’twantAidentoeverfeelunwantedeither.I’dneverwishthatonanyone,letaloneachild.
“Well,fuckthem.Iftheycan’tseewhatagorgeousandsmartkidheis…I’msorry,Iknowtheyareyourfamily,butfuckthem.”
“UpuntilthemomentIheldhiminmyarms,Iwasn’tsureIcoulddoit.Sure,Ididn’tmindthegettingmarriedtoAdelinepartbecauseIlovedher,butababy?Likeyousaid,Iwasonlytwenty-twomyself.WhatthehellwouldIknowaboutraisingababy?Butthentheygavehimtome,andI…”
Hegotupandwalkedaway.ThistimeIwentafterhim,butstoppedbeforeIwastooclose.
Keepinghisbacktome,hekeptexplaining.“Itouchedhisface,thoselittlefingers,thosecheeks.”Therewasasmileinhisvoice.“Hewasbornpremature;hewassolittle,butsoperfect.Howcouldanyonewanttogivehimaway?”
Heturnedaroundandlookedsurprisedtofindmestandingsoclosetohim.
“Butthepapers?Thebirthcertificate?”
Heraisedhishandandtuckedapieceofhairbehindmyear.“Youhavenoideawhatpeoplewithsomuchmoneyandpowerlikemyparentscando…canbuy.Ourpublicist,Michel,hadhisownfixer;that’soneofthereasonsheissuchagoodpublicist.”
Ishookmyhead.“Itallsoundssocrazy.”
“Itis.”
“Sowhydidyoutellmeallofthis?”
“Thereismorethanonereason.”
“Andtheyare?”
“Iwantedyoutoknoweverythingbecauseyouscareme,LucyMeyer.”
Whatthehell?
Givinghimadisbelievinglook,Iasked,“Iscareyou?”
Anod.
“TheotherreasonisbecauseIwantyoutoknoweverything.IwantyoutoknowthatItrustyou.IwantyoutoknowthatthenightIhadtoleaveyoualonewithAiden,shewasthreateningtotalktothemediaandletthemknowAidenwasn’tourson.Shethoughtitwouldbeenoughtoeclipsethesextape.That’swhyIleftinahurry.”
“Whywouldshedothat?”
“Tosavewhatisleftofhercareer.Tomakemelookbad.Sheismakingonemistakeafteranother.UpuntilyouandmegotphotographedwithAiden,shehadbecomethevillainofourstory.Nowthatyou’reliterallyinthepicture…”
“Shewantstomakemelooklikethevillainsoshecanbethegoodoneandslinkawayintothenight.”
“Exactly.Butnowshecan’t.IfshetalksaboutAidentoanyone,I’llreleasethevideo.Ifsheuttersonemorewordaboutyou,I’llreleasethevideo.Ablowjobwasn’ttheonlythingonthere,andeventhoughshebelievestheotherguy’sfacecan’tbeseen,sheiswrongonthat.Ifthevideodoesn’tdothejobforher,I’llstartgivingmyowninterviewsandshereallywouldn’twantthat.”
“Tellmeallofthisisn’thappeningbecauseofme,Adam.”
Hecuppedmycheekinhishands.“Thisisn’thappeningbecauseofyou,Lucy.Ifthereweren’tthosepicturesofustogether,she’dfindsomethingelsetogetherway.ShehasnotiestoAiden.Hewasthereasonshewantedadivorce,whichiswhyIwasalwaysplanningtogetsolecustody.Noneofthisishappeningbecauseofyou.”
“WhydoIscareyou?”IwantedtogetbacktothatbecauseIdidn’tgetit.Ididn’tgethowIcouldscarehim,ofallpeople.He,however,wasscaringtheshitoutofmeatthatmoment,andtobehonest,Iwasdonetalkingaboutthewickedwitch.
“BecauseIsaidIloveyouandyouneversaidanything.”Histhumbcaressedmycheekbone,andhekepthiseyesfirmlyonmine.“Iwasn’texpectingtohearitbackfromyou,atleastnotyet,andI’mokaywiththat,butyouactedlikeI’dneversaidanything.”
“Ididn’tmentionitagainbecausethatwasadrenalinetalking,notyou.”
“Oh?Isthatso?”
Thewayhiseyesweremovingaroundmyface…itwassotender,solovingthatalumpformedinmythroat.
“Youhaveninebeautymarksonyourface.Didyouknowthat?”
What?
“Um…no,I’venevercountedthem.”
“Ihave.Myfavoriteisthisone.”Withthetipofhisfingertiphetouchedmyskin,rightbelowmyeye,andthenlethisfingertraildowntomyjaw.
Ididnothingbutwatchhiseyesfollowhisfingerashestoppedrightatmychinandtippedmyfaceuptohis.
Holdingmybreath,Iwaitedforhiskiss,hopedforit,buthehelditbackfromme.Thenhiseyesmetmine.
“Iloveyou,LucyMeyer.”
Hewantedsomuchfromme…yethewantednothingatall.FirsthehadpushedfortherelationshipandjustwhenIwasgettingusedtothatidea,nowhewantedmore.Itmighthavebeennothingforsome,butitwaseverythingforme.
Closingthedistancebetweenus,hewhispered,“Iknowyou’rescaredtoo,Lucy,andyouknowwhat…ifthereisonethingI’velearnedaboutlove,it’sthatitshouldscareyou.Alittleoralot,itdoesn’tmatterhowmuch,butitshouldmakeyoufeel.Andyou,mybeautiful,stubbornLucy…”Hebrushedhislipsagainstmine,justaquicktouch,andpulledback.“Youscareme—no,Ipromisedtobehonestwithyou:youterrifyme,Lucy,andIloveit.Iwillnevertakeyouforgranted,andknowingthatyouwon’tletme…you’retheoneIwant,LucyMeyer.You’retheoneIfellinlovewith.”
Everywordsendinganarrowtomyheart,Ijuststoodthere,mybodytremblingslightly,mybreathcaughtinmythroat.Isimplywatchedhimwatchme.Hecuppedmyfacegentlywithbothofhisstronghandsandkissedmylips.Mybreathshudderedoutofmeinarush.Iwasinsomuchtrouble.Pullingback,hekissedmynose,myeyes,myforehead,andmylipsagain.
“Nowyou’regoingtokissme,Lucy.Iknowyouwon’tgivemethewords,butIneedyoutogivemeyourbestkiss,”hewhispered,hislipsmovingagainstmine.“Andthenyou’regoingtogivemeachance,thesamechanceyougaveJameson.Ideserveit,andyoudeserveme.”
Oh,theasshole.Hewasgoingtogetmorethanakiss.
WhenIopenedmymouthandinvitedhimin,hedidn’thesitatebeforetakingeverythingfromme.Itwasaslowkiss,ourheadsmovinginsyncwitheachother,ourtonguesgentle.WhenIunderstoodwhatwashappening,whyIwasfeelinglikeIwasonthevergeofcrying,Iheldontohisarmsandlethimtakeover.Hetookanotherstepintome,ourbodiesrestingagainstoneanother.
Safewithoneanother.
IknewIwouldrememberthismomentyearslater;IknewwhenIwouldlookback,whenIwouldthinkofAdam,Iwouldfeelhiswarm,stronghandscradlingmyface.IknewIwouldrememberthetruthofhiswordsringinginmyear,whetherhewasthereornot.
Whenitwasover,hesimplyrestedhisforeheadagainstmine,andwejustbreathedineachother’sair.Ihopedithadbeenhisbestkiss.Ihopednoonewouldeverkisshimlikethatagain,thatIwouldbeitforhim,thatmylipswouldbeit.
“TellmeI’magoodkisser,Lucy,”hemurmured,hiseyesclosed.“TellmeI’myourbest.”
Asoftlaughescapedmylips.IslidmyarmsaroundhisneckandheldontohimjustalittletighterasIstretchedonmytoessoIcouldtrailmynoseagainsthisneckandgetmoredrunkonhim.
“Itaughtyouwell;ofcourseyou’regoodnow.”
Helaughedandwrappedhisarmsaroundmywaist,hissteadyheartbeatbeatingagainstmine.
Itookadeepbreath,closedmyeyes,andstoodstillinthesafetyofhisarms.
“Idon’twantyoutobetakenawayfromme,Adam.”
Hepressedhispalmagainstmyback,holdingmeastightandascloseasIwasholdinghim.
“Iwon’tletanyonetakeyouawayfromme,Lucy.Youcantrustmeonthat.”
Ateardropsliddownmyeye,andIburrowedintohisneck.
ThenextthingIknew,hishandsweremovingdownmybody,andIwassweptoffmyfeet.Myfacestillinhisneck,Ilethimcarrymeintohisbedroom.
Gentlylayingmedownonhisbed,hesettledontopofme,hisbodynotevenclosetotouchingmine.Hisarmswerebracedonthebed,hisfaceinchesawayfrommine.
“IlosetrackoftimewhenIkissyou,”Imurmured,caressinghisface.“Youmakemelosetrackofmyselfwhenyoulookintomyeyeswithsuchintensity,AdamConnor.YoumakemefeellikeI’mtheonlyone.”
Heexhaledandhiseyesclosedashemovedhisheadintomyhand.
“You’regoingtotellmeyouloveme.Tellmeandgivemeyourheart,andIpromiseyou,Lucy…IpromiseyouI’lltakecareofit.”
“Youstolemyheart,youjerk.”
“Notquitetherightwords,tryagain.”
Ilaughedsoftly.“IthinkIfellforyou,AdamConnor.”
Hestartedtosaysomething,butIheldmyfingerupagainsthislips.
“Iloveyou,”Iadmittedsoftly.“You’reright,Iloveyou,anditscarestheshitoutofme,too.”
Hislipsslowlystretchedintoasmileandmyheartbrightenedwiththebeautyofit.
Ihaven’tmentionedwhatanassholeheisforquitesometime,haveI?
“I’lltakecareofyou.”
“Yeah,youkeepsayingthat.”
“Becauseit’strue.You’llneverhavetoprotectyourheartagain.It’llalwaysbesafewithme,Lucy.You’llalwaysbesafewithme.”
Iswallowedthethicklumpinmythroatandignoredthewaymyheartwasflutteringinmychestasifthespacewasn’tenough,asifitwasready,eager,andwillingtorestinthehandsofAdamConnor.
Stupid,stupidheart.
Closingmyeyes,Itriedtorememberhowtoformwordsandjustbreathe.Adamwaitedpatiently.
“Adam…whenIsayI’mcursed,I’mnottryingtobecute.Iwantyoutoknowthat,nomatterwhenorhowthisendsbetweenus,Iwillholdyoursecrets.”Ishookmyheadinamazementandstaredrightintohiseyes.“Whatyoudid…you’reanamazingperson,anamazingfather,thoughyouobviouslyhavequestionabletasteinwomen.”Hislipscurvedupagain,andhesneakedinakiss,gettingmyheartallexcitedagain.
“Thankyou,baby.”
“Thatlastonewasn’tacompliment,”Iclarified.
HegotinanotherstolenkissthatendedupcausingmetopullhimdownonmesoIcouldfeelhisweightpressintome.
“Wait.Wait.”
Hestopped,hisbreathingalreadyheavy,alongwithmyown.
“I’mrootingforyou,”Iwhispered.“Ineverwishedforaprincetosaveme,becauseIcansavemyself,thankyouverymuch…butI’mwishingforitnow,AdamConnor.Ihope—andIcanhopereallyreallyhard—thatyourkisswillbreakthecurse.Ihopeit’syou,Adam.Ihopeyou’retheheroofmystory,becauseIdeservetobeloved,goddammit.Ideservetohavesomeonedancewithmetonomusic.”IstoppedsoIcouldbreatheandwatchedAdam’seyesdarken.“Ideservetohaveyoutomyself.Ideservetoloveyou.”
Hewatchedme,justwatchedforseveralsilentsecondsasItriedtoquietmyscreamingheart.Thenwithoutsayingasingleword,hereachedtohisbackandslippedoffhisshirt,givingmeaviewofhisridiculouslysexyupperbody.Thenhereachedformyshirt,slowly,asifwehadallthetimeintheworld.Ihelpedhimbyliftingmyarmsup,thenwhenhewentformyjeans,Iliftedmyhips,too.WhenitwasallgoneandIwascompletelynakedinfrontofhim—inmorewaysthanone—hegotridoftherestofhisownclothes,settledovermeagain,andpushedinsidemewithoutgivingmeanyflowerywords.Ididn’tneedany;Ijustneededhim.
Hewasalreadyhard,readytofillme.
Itookadeepbreathandwidenedmylegsashepushedandpulleduntilhesettleddeepinsideme,bringingustogetherinthemostmagicalway;everyorgasmwithAdamhadbeenmagicalthusfar
Thistimeitwasmewhocuppedhisfaceinmyhandsandlookedintothegreendepthsofhiseyes.“Don’thurtme,Adam.Don’tdisappointme.”
“Never,Lucy.”
Hetookmewithslow,steadythrusts,imprintinghiscockonme,makingmyentirebodyacheforhim,forthereleaseonlyhewasabletogiveme.Thenhemademecomearoundhim,withnothingbutwhispersandpromisesonmyskinandofcoursethatbig,beautifulcockofhis.Whenitwashisturn,hepushedhisfaceintomyneck,hiscockasdeepasitcouldgo,andletgowithagroan.Heletmeholdhimuntilourheartratesloweredbacktonormal.
Raisinghishead,heaskedmetosaythewordsagain,soIgavethemtohim
“I’msoinlovewithyou,Adam.”
Suchbeautifulwords.Beinginthesamebedashim,lookingintohiseyesandadmittingthatI’dfallenforhim,Ihopedevenharderthathe’dbetheonetobreakmycurse.
EpilogueSixmonthslater
Ibelieveinsex.Wholeheartedly.
Ibelievewhenyou’rehavingsexwiththeoneyoulove—especiallyifheiswieldingabigone—youexperiencesomethingoutofthisworld.It’shardtoexplain.It’snotquitethesameashavingsexwithsomeoneyou’llonlyknowforonenight,evenifhehappenstobeaGodinbed.Don’tgetmewrong,sexwiththatguyisgoodtoobecauseorgasmsareusuallyprettymagicalthings,butwhatI’mtalkingaboutisdifferent.
Hearmeout.
Lovingsomeone,havingsexwithsomeonewholovesyouwitheverythingtheyare,whotrustsyoumorethantheytrustanyoneintheworld…it’sbeautiful,humbling,earth-shattering,andtobehonest,alittlecrazy.
Butyeah,sexwithaone-nightstandversussexwithAdam…let’sjustsayAdamhititoutoftheparkeverysingletime.
WouldyouliketoknowwhatkindofsexIlovethemost?Youknowalmosteverythingaboutme,soit’sonlyfairthatyouknowthattoo.
Sleepysex.Ilovesleepysex.Icouldhavesexwithsleepysex,Iloveitthatmuch.
Specifically,Ishouldsay,IlovesleepysexwithAdamConnor.Tobewokenwithhismouthonme,togaspintohishandashetriestokeepmequietsomymoansandgaspswon’tbeheardbytheperfectlittlehumandownthehall…tobewokenwithamagicalcockpushinginsideme–Adam’smagicalcock,justincaseyoudidn’tgetthat…Iapproveofthatkindofsexeachandeverytime.
SosinceIlovesleepysexsomuch,itwastheperfectwake-upcallonthebestdayofmylife.Iwokeupwithabighandaroundmybreast,squeezingandpullingmynipple.Igroaned,andheshushedmegently.Hislipswereagainstmyneck,kissingandlickingandbiting.
“Whatareyoudoing?”Iaskeddazedly,asmallshiverrunningthroughmybodyashesoftlybitmyskin.Iwasstillsomewhereinbetweendreamworldandtherealone.
Hishandtraveledallthewaydownfrommybreasttomythigh,andhepulledmylegupandoverhisthigh.Ismiled,eyesstillclosed,andhelpedhimbyslidingbackuntilmyverynakedassrestedagainsthisveryhardabs.
Mylegsecuredoverhisthigh,hishandcoveredmyhip,andhepulledmedownalittle.
“Adam,”ImurmuredsleepilyasIfelthishardcockbetweenmylegs.Mybodywasalreadytinglingfromtheexcitementofhavingthatthingsoclose.
Irolledmyhips,asmuchasIcouldmanagewithhimbehindme,andturnedmyheadbacksoIcouldhavemymorningkiss.
Theminutemylipswerecloseenoughhetookmymouthinaslow,seducingkiss.Imoanedandjustletmybodygosoftinhisarmswhenthewarmthofhimreacheddeepintomybones.Slowlyeverythingfadedaway,andIfeltnothingbutthelovebetweenus.
Withouthislipseverleavingmine,Ifelthishandspreadmeopen,andIcouldtellhewasmakingsureIwasreadytotakehim.Thenheguidedhimselfintomeslowly,hishipsmovingsofuckingslowly.Whenitwasalltoomuchtotakein,Ibrokeawayfromhiskissandheldmybreath.Onelastinchandhewasallin.
Completelymine.
Heslidhisarmundermineandcurledhisfingersaroundmyshoulder,holdingmestillforhislazythrusts.
“Goodmorning,Lucy,”hewhisperedasIletgoofmybreathasquietlyasIcould.
Iwasn’tquitereadytosayanything.“Hmmm,”wasallIcouldmanage.
Hepulledout,leavingnothingbutthethickheadinsideme,andthenpusheditslowlybackinasIscrambledtograbhisbicepwithmyrighthand.
“Ahhhh,”Imurmured,toogoneforwords.
“Ilovewakingyouuplikethis,”hewhisperedintomyear,somehowmanagingtokeephisthrustssteady.“You’resosoft,sowillingtodoeverythingIsaywhenyoufirstwakeupinthemorning.”Hepressedakissonmyshoulderandgavemeaperfectlytimedhardthrust.
Jesus!
“WhenhaveIevernotbeenwillingtogetinbedwithyou?”Ishotbackquietly.
“Never,butthereissomethingdifferentaboutyouwhenItakeyoufirstthinginthemorning.Ithinkyouloveit,too.”
Ilovedeverythingwithhim,period,butyeah,Ilovedwatchinghimdoalltheworkasheheldmeinhisarmsandletmewatchhimthroughsleepyeyes.SomemorningsIdidwakeupbeforehim,andifandwhenthathappened,Ialwaysmadesurehehadagoodstarttohismorning…averygoodandrelaxingstart.
“Iloveyourcock,period,”Iadmitted.“Itdoesn’tmatterwhattimeitis,Ilovehavingitinmeanytimeofday.”
Imanagedtoopenmylegswiderandstartedtorollmyhipsdownward,urginghimtogofaster.
“Alwayssogreedyandimpatient,”hemurmuredbeforesuckingmyearlobeintohismouth.“Iloveyou,Lucy.”
Withhiswords,Icontractedaroundhimandsmiledthroughhisgroan.
“Iloveyou,Adam.”Therewasn’tevenamomentofhesitationanymore.“IespeciallylovewhenIgettocomeonyoufirstthinginthemorning.”
“Youdo?Youwanttocomeonmycock?Lastnightwasn’tenough?”
“Lastnightitwasjusttwotimes.Youweretired,soIdidn’twanttopress.”Iturnedmyfacetohim.“It’syourfault,”Iwhispered,myeyesfinallycatchinghis.“Idon’tfeelsatisfiedunlessyoumakemecomethreetimesinonego.Itfeelslikethereissomethingmissing.”
“Hmmm,soIhavetomakeyoucomethreetimesnow?”
Ismiledupathimandasmallmoanslippedoutofmymouthwhenhechangedhisangleandhitmysweetspot.Heknewallmyangles,allmycornersnow.
“Shhh,”hequietedmeashekeptworkinghiscockintome,pushingmetowardsomethingIwasn’tquitereadyfor.“Youdon’twantAidentohearyouandcometoyourrescue,doyou?”
Ishookmyheadandgrabbedhisforearm,whateverIcouldreach.Thoselazystrokeswerelonggone;nowhewasonamissiontomakemecome,andheknewexactlyhowhecouldgetmethere.IlovedAidenwithallmyheart,buthimcomingtorescuemefromhisfatherwastheabsolutelastthingIwanted.Iwantedhisfathertoruinme,thoughinreality,healreadyhad.
Hetookmeexactlywherehewantedtotakemebypushingdeepintomeandgrindingdeeperanddeeper.Oh,itwaseverything.IgrabbedhishandandpulleditovermymouthasIcamearoundhim,andhedidn’tstopworkingmeuntilmylegstartedtoshake,andhehadtopullitdowntokeepitstill.Evenafterthat,hegentlypushedmeontomystomachandpositionedhislegsoneithersideofmyhips.
Anewangle,atighterfit,stillslowyetdeeperthrusts.Hegavemehiseverythingthatmorning,andItookitall.
“Youmakemecrazyforyou,Lucy,”hemurmuredintomyearatsomepointwhileIwastryingnottopassoutfromallthesensations.“Youmakemehappy.”
Ifyouthinkthosewordsdidn’thitthedeepest,darkestcornerofmyheart,thinkagain.
Hegavemefourorgasmsthatmorning,andIgavehimtwo—becauseyes,Iwasthatgood,too.
Withthatextraone,Ishould’veknownsomethingwasup.
***
“Goodmorning.”
“Arrgggh,nooo.”
“Goodmorning,Aiden.”
“No.Justalittlemore,Lucy.”
“Butyouhavetowakeup.”
“Why?Why?I’mreallysleepy,Lucy.Idon’tfeellikeIhavetowakeupyet.”
“ButIreallywantsomepancakes,Aiden.Iaskedyourdad,buthewon’thelpme.Ithoughtyouwould,but…”
Heturnedoverandopenedthoseeyesthatlookedexactlylikehisfather’s.“Hewon’thelp?”
Ishookmyheadandtriedtolookverysad.
“Youreallywantpancakes?Likereallyreallywantthem?”
Inodded.“I’mafraidso.Ireallyreallywantsomepancakeswithmaplesyrup.Lotsofmaplesyrup.”
Aidenreleasedasufferingsighandhithisbedwithhislittlehand.Hehadturnedsixjustamonthago,buthewasstillsolittleinmyeyes.Ithadn’tbeenpleasanthavingAdelineoverwhenwehadhisbirthdayparty,butshewasAiden’smom—atleastasfarasheknew.Seeingthatbig,bigsmileonhisfacewhenhesawhisfriends,alltheballoonsandtoys,andthehuge,colorfulbouncehouseinthebackyard…hisjoymadeitworthbeinginthesameroomasher.
Tobefair,afterAdammadeherreleaseastatementbasicallyapologizingtome,shedidn’tdoanythingthatwouldpissmeofftoomuch.SinceAdamhadboughtthesextape—whichIwascurioustowatch,butIknewhe’dalreadydestroyedit—shewasn’tbeingallthatbitchy.SheevensignedoverthepapersthatgavesolecustodytoAdam.
Oh,Aidenstillspenttimewithher,stillspentsomenightsatherplace,buthewasalwayshappierwhenhisdadwasaround.Justlikeme.
“Daddywilloweme.Bigtime,”hemutteredasheswunghislegsoverandgotdownfromthebed.
“You’regonnahelp?”Itotallyknewhewasgonnahelp.HelovedpancakesjustasmuchasOliveandIdid.
“Youalreadywokemeup,soIguessIshouldsoIcaneatpancakes.YoualwayseatmorethanmeandDaddy.Howcomeyoudothat,Lucy?Girlsaren’tsupposedtoeatthatmuch.”
“Ah,excuseme.Thathappenedonlyonce,andIwasstarving.”
Headingtowardhisbathroom,helookedatmeoverhisshoulderandsmiledbrilliantly.“You’realwaysstarving,Lucy.”
Thelittlesquirt.
Sowithmyhelperonmyside,wemadepancakesashisdadtookashowerandgotreadyforhisdayonset.AsperAiden’srequest,wealsoinvitedtheThornsoverforbreakfast.SinceAdamandJasonwerecostars,thefiveofusspentalotoftimetogether,onsetandoff.Luckily,theircalltimeforthatdaywasafewhoursaway.
OlivehelpedmesetthediningtableasAidenandJasonprotectedthepancakesfromus.Trustme,OlivewasjustasenragedasI’dbeenwhenJasonbackedupAidenonthesubjectofuseatingtoomanypancakes.
JasonwassmartenoughtoslidehisarmaroundherwaistandkissOlivejustafterthatdeclaration,andhewasluckyOlivedidn’tseehimquietlyhighfiveAiden.
WhenAdamcameoutofhisshowerwearingasleekblacksuit,Ihadtodoadoubletake.
“What’stheoccasion?”Iaskedlightlyasherakedhisfingersthroughhisdamphair.
“Somethingspecial.”Hecaughtmeinhisarmsandgentlykissedmeonmylips.Iputdownthefruitplateinmyhandsandturnedtohiminsurprise.
“What’sthatfor?”
“It’sbeenfivemonthstoday,”hedeclared.
Iknewthatone.IthadbeenfivemonthssinceI’dmovedinwithhimandAiden.Therewasn’tmuchmovinginvolvedbecauseI’dneverhadthechancetorentthatapartmentI’dhadmyeyeon.OnedayallmyclotheswereatOlive’splaceandthenextdaytheyweren’t.Ididn’texactlygetasayinit,butIwasn’tcomplainingeither.LikeIsaid,sleepysexhadturnedouttobemyfavoritekindofsex.
AndAiden…hisreactiontothewhole‘yourdadandIareinaseriousrelationshipnow,isthatokay?’talkwastogivemeapartsweet,partslysmile.Hewassomuchlikehisfather.
“Doesthatmeanhewillgettokissyouwheneverhewantsto?”heasked,hissmilestillinplace.
“Yes,Iguessthatmeanshe’llgettokissmewheneverhewantsto.IfI’mangryathim,hedoesn’tgettokissmeatall,though.”
Hegiggled.“Whatelsedoesitmean?”
Itmeantalotofthingshislittleearscouldn’t—shouldn’thear,butIkeptallofthemtomyself.
“Ifyouareokaywithit,itwouldalsomeanthatI’dgettostaywithyouguys.”
“Here?”
“Yes.”
“Hereinthishouse?Youwon’tliveatOlive’sanymore?”
“No,I’dlivehere.”
Hiseyesgrewbig.“You’lllivewithus?Forever?”
“Let’sslowdownthere,littlehuman.Ifhepissesmeoff,I’mnotsurehowI’dfeelaboutseeingyourfather’sfaceforever.Yours,though…”Ibumpedhischinwithmyknuckles.“YoursIwouldn’tmindseeingforever.”
LaughterfilledtheroomasheranofftotellhisfatherIpreferredhimoverAdam.
Ihadmentionedthathewastheperfectlittlehumanbefore,hadn’tI?
Adamlaidanotherkissonme,thisonemoreforceful,moreintense,somehowevenmorebeautifulandpulledmebacktothepresent.
“Andthisone?”Iaskedwhenheletmegetinabreath.
“Thisonewasbecausetodayisourweddingday.”
Thesmilethatwasonmylipsslippedawayinaninstant,andItookastepbackfromhim.
“What?”
“It’sourweddingday.”
“Again…what?DidIsomehowtimetravelandmisstheproposal?”
Heclosedthedistancebetweenusandstoppedmefrommovingbackward—Ihadn’tevenbeenawareIwasmovingbackward.
“I’vebeenproposingtoyoueverydaywitheverykiss,Lucy.”
“Youhave?”
“It’snotmyfaultyoutookyourtimegivingmeananswer.Nowyoudon’tgettoaskforaproposal.It’stoolateforthat.”
“Itis?”
“Yes,Lucy.I’msorry.”
“ButIwantaproposal,Adam.Ireally,reallywantit.Propose.Please.”
Heleaneddownandbrushedagentlekissontheedgeofmylips.“I’msorry,sweetheart.”
“Sonoproposal?Whatdoesthatmeanexactly?
“Itmeanswe’regettingmarried.”
“Weare?When?”
“Today.”
“What?”Myvoicewasbarelyaudible
SuddenlyOlivecamearoundthecorner,andIfrozeinmyplacewhenIsawwhatshewasholding.
Aweddingdress.Afuckingweddingdress,andIhadtoadmit,averyfuckingbeautifulweddingdress.
Myhandsflewtomymouth,andIjuststoodthere,takingitallin.
Thereweretearsstreamingdownherfaceso,obviously,thereweresomestreamingdownmyfacetoo.
“I-I…”Istuttered.
Aidenmoved,andIsawhimreachforhisfather’shandashesmiledupatme.Istillhadnowords.
ThenOlivewasbymyside.
“Iwishyouallthehappinessintheworld,Lucy.Iwishyouallthesmiles,allthelaughter,allthelove.”Shelaughedandwipedawayhertears.“Youdeservesomuch,mybeautifulfriend.Youdeservethebestlovestory,youdeservetheverybestending,andI’mhonoredthatI’llbestandingrightnexttoyouwhenyoumarrytheloveofyourlife.”
Idroppedmyhandsandalaughescapedmymouth—butdon’tworry,Iwasstillcrying.“Whosaidhewastheloveofmylife?”Hetotallywas.“AndIdon’trememberaskingyoutobemymaidofhonoreither,mylittlegreenOlive.”
ShehandedthedelicatedresstoJasonandflungherselfinmyarms.“Youdon’tgettohaveasay.Trytoremovemefromyourside,Idareyou.”
Justasshefinishedspeaking,Jasonsteppedinandpriedheroutofmyarms,holdingheragainsthisbodyasOliverelaxedagainsthim.Neitheroneofuslookedallthatprettywithourred,cryingfaces.
“AndIguess,sinceyouneveraskedbeforeyoustartedcallingmeDaddy,I’mnotaskingyourpermissiontowalkyoutothisguy,”Jasonsaidbeforepressingakissonmycheek.
Ilaughedandlookedupathissmilingfacethroughmytears.
Aidendroppedhisfather’shandandrantomyside.HewasstillinhisSuperManPJs.
“Don’tcry,Lucy.Don’tyouwanttomarryus?”
“Buddy,youcan’taskherthat,remember?”Adaminterrupted.
“Butwhy?Idon’tunderstand.”
“Yeah,Isecondthat.Idon’tunderstandeither.Whycan’tyouaskmethat?”
Hewalkedtomysideandcuppedmyfaceinonehand.IbarelyregisteredAidenlettinggoofmyhandandgoingtoJason’sside.Adamalwaysdidthattome,alwaysmadeitimpossibletolookawayfromhim.
“BecauseIdon’twantyoutothink.BecauseIdon’twantyoutohavetheoptiontosaynotome.You’remine,Lucy.Whenthereisonlyoneanswertoaquestionandyoualreadyknowwhatitis,it’spointlesstoaskit.Youwillgetmarriedtometoday.Youwillbecomemywifeandyouwillalwaysbemine.”
Hiswife.
Hisfuckingwife.
Igulpedandnodded.“You’reright.It’spointlesstoaskwhenyouknowtheanswer.”
Hisotherhandcameup,andheheldmestill.“So,yes?You’regoingtodoit?”
“IthoughtyousaidIdidn’thavetheoptiontosayno.”
“Youdon’t,”herepeatedinalowvoice,hiseyesmovingovereveryinchofmyface.“ButIcanneverbesureofwhatyou’lldo.”
“Iunderstand.So…okay.”Iliftedmyshakyhandsandputthemoverhis.“Let’sgetmarried.Andwhynottoday,right?It’sasgoodadayasany,andifallmyfavoritepeoplewillbethere,well,thatmeansitwillbethebestday.”
Hesmiledslowly,asifhehadactuallybeenafraidI’dsayno,asifhedidn’talreadyknowIcouldn’t.
Thenashissmilegotbigger,myeyesfilledwithmoretears.
“That’senough,Lucy,”hemurmured,kissingmyleakingeyes.“That’senough,mybeautifulwarrior.”
Mybodyshuddered,andAdamwrappedmeupinhisarmsbeforeIcouldslipawayandmeetthefloor.
Hiswhispersweretheonlythingsthatweregettingthroughtome.
“You’llneverbelikethem,Lucy.You’renotcursed,sweetheart.Youneverwere.Youwerejustwaitingformetofindyou.”Hisvoicewassotender,soloving.“WhoamIkidding?Youcouldn’tevenwaitformetofindyou.Youfellrightintomybackyard,gotrightupinmyface.”Stillcryinginhisarms,Iheldontighter.
Hehadfoundme.
He’dneveracknowledgeit,butyes,Adamhadfoundme.
“Iloveyou,”Iwhisperedintohisnowsoakedshirt.
“AndIloveyou,myLucy.”Ifelthislipsonthetopofmyheadandclosedmyeyes.
Hewasperfect.HewaseverythingI’dalwaysbeenafraidtowantformyself.
Liftingmyhead,Ilookedintohiseyesandmanagedtogivehimashakysmile.“Youaretheheroofmystory,afterall,AdamConnor.Youaremyunexpectedprincewhobrokemycurse.Whowould’vethought,huh?IthinkI’mgladit’syoubecauseIwould’vehatedtostartfromscratchandteachsomeoneelsehowtokissproperly.”
Helaughed,hiseyesgoingsoft.“I’mafraidyou’llnevergettokissanyoneelsebutmeagain.Youokaywiththat?”
Inodded,myheartstillfeelingwonkyinmychest.“Icanlivewiththat.”
“Good.”
“So,Lucy,willyoumarryusornot?”avoicechimedin.
IletgoofAdamandleaneddowntokissAiden’scheeks.“Thankyouforasking,mylittleprince.Myanswerisadefiniteyes.”
“Good.Nowcanweeatthepancakes?I’mreallyhungry,andI’vebeenwaitingverypatiently.”
Ilaughedandstraightened.“Yes.Yes,wecaneatthepancakes.”
Anowtear-freeOlivesentmeaquickwinkandwenttohelpAidenandJasonwiththepancakes.
Adamdrewmebackintohisarms,andIwelcomedhiswarmthandcloseness.
“Thankyou,Lucy.”
“Forwhat?”
“Forspyingonme.Forbeingmine.”
“That’salottobethankfulfor.”
“AndIplanonthankingyoueverychanceIget.”
“Youshoulddothat.Threetimeseverytime,please.”
Adamsmiled,andImelted.
Heleaneddownandwhisperedintomyear,“Thankyoufortrustingmewithyourbeautifulheart.”
Sothatsameday,afterpancakes,IsaidIdotoAdamfreakingConnorwithstupid,happytearsinmyeyes.
Afterourshockinglygentlefirstkiss,Ipulledhimdownandwhisperedalittlesecretintohisear.
I’dneverforgetthelookhegaveme…theonethatsaidIwashisworld.
Hishandrestingonmystomach,onourlittlebaby,hegavemeanotherperfectkiss,anotheroneIcouldaddtothelist.
Thatlittlegirlwhohadspentherdayscrying,whohadtriedherverybesttofigureoutwhyhermothercouldn’tloveherenoughtoholdontoher,whocouldn’tunderstandwhyhergrandmotherwouldneverloveherlikesheneededtobeloved…thatsamelittlegirlwhoalongthewayhadunderstoodandacceptedthatnoteverybodygetstohavetheirownhappilyeverafterinthisworld…thatgirlinme…thathopefullittlegirlinmejustsmiledthatday.
Shesmiled,andsmiled,andsmiled,andsmiled.
THEEND
OtherBooksbyEllaMaise
IfyouwanttoreadmoreabouthowJasonandOliveendeduptogether,youshouldpickupToLoveJasonThorn.Trustme,ifyou’veenjoyed,ToHateAdamConnor,you’llloveToLoveJasonThorn.Oliveisoneofmyfavoritecharacters.
ToLoveJasonThorn
JasonThorn…Mybrother’schildhoodfriend.
Oh,howstupidlyinlovewiththatboyIwas.Hewasthefirstboythatmademeblush,myfirstofficialcrush.Soundsbeautifulsofar,right?Thatexcitementthatbubblesupinsideyou,thosefamousbutterfliesyoufeelfortheveryfirsttime—hewasthereasonforthemall.But,youonlygettoliveinthatfairytaleworlduntiltheycrushyourhopesanddreamsandthenstomponyourheartforgoodmeasure.Andboydidhecrushmylittleheartintopieces.
AfterthestompingparthebecametheboyIdidmybesttostayawayfrom—andletmetellyou,itwasprettyhardtodowhenhesleptintheroomrightacrossfrommine.
Whentragedystruckhisfamilyandtheymovedaway,Iwasreadytoforgetheeverexisted.
Nowheisamoviestar,theonewhomakeswomenofallagesgointoascreamingfrenzy,theonewhomakeseveryoneswoonwiththatdimpledsmileofhis.Doyouthinkthat’sdreamy?Icertainlydon’tthinkso.Howaboutmecomingfacetofacewithhim?Nopestillnotdreamy.NotwhenIcan’tevenmanagetolookhimintheeye.
Me?I’mOlive,anewwriter.Actually,I’mTHEwriterofthebookthatinspiredthemovieheisabouttostarinonthebigscreen.Asoflate,Iamalsoreferredtoastheoh-so-very-luckygirlwhoisabouttobecomethewifeofJasonThorn.
Maybeyou’rethinkingyetagainthatthisisallsodreamy?Nope,nothingdreamygoingonhere.Notevenclose.
ToLoveJasonThorn
LostPrelude(Alexander&Maya#1)
MynameisMaya,andI’mnotthesamegirlIwasamonthago.
ThereisanemptinessIcarryaroundinmychestnow.Abrokenheartcausedbygrief.
TherearealsodarknightswhereIhavetroublebreathingasIfeeltheheavyweightoflossrushingthroughmyveins,painfulmomentswhereIcanremembermyentirebeingscreaminagonyasIheldontomyfather’scold,lifelesshand
Thenthereisalwaysaherotoeverystory,isn’tthere?AherowhoIdespisedfromthemomentheopenedhismouth.
HisnameisAlexander.HeismyinevitableIneverexpectedtofind.Theonemybrokenheartleadsmeto.Hisexistence,histouch,everythinghedidtomakemypainbearablewillleaveamarkonmeforever.
Yet,IknowthatwhenI’mgone,he’llonlyremembermeasafadingmemory.
LostPrelude
LostHeartbeats(Alexander&Maya#2)
MynameisAlexander,andI’mnofuckinghero.
NotwhenIcouldn’tevensavethelittleheartbeatsIwassupposedtoprotectwithmylife.
Whenafistclosesaroundmyheartafteradeathbringsmetomyknees,IfinallygoafterthewomanI’dbeencravingformonths.NotjustbecauseherbeautifulfaceistheonlythingthatslipsthroughthepainwhenIclosemyeyes,butbecauseshehassecretlycarvedaplaceforherselfinmyheart–leavingmewithnochoice.
ButifIdothis,ifImakemyselfbelievethatIdeserveher,willthechoicesImakeruineverythingbetweenus?Willsheacceptthefactthatshedoesn’tgettoleavemetwice?
LostHeartbeats
Acknowledgements
Myreaders…Thereissomuchthatgoesintowritingabook;astory.Somanypeoplewhohelpmakingitpossibleformetoreachsomanyofyou.I’mnotsureifAdamandLucywillgettheamountofattentionOliveandJasondid,butIcangenuinelytellyouthatIthinktheydeserveitandalotmore.IhadablastwritingthesecharactersandfellevenmoreinlovewithLucy.Herhearthasbeenbrokenbefore,butdespitesheisaverystrongcharacterandshedeservedallthelove.So…ifyou’rereadingthisrightnow,ifyou’veenjoyedAdamandLucy’sstory;thankyou…Thankyoufromthebottomofmyheart.Yoursupportmeanstheworldtome.
Thankyoutoallofthewonderfulbloggersforgivingmeandmystoriesachance.SomanyofyoureadandlovedJasonandOlive’sstoryandnow(hopefully)LucyandAdam.IhavenoideawhatsoeverhowIcanshowyouhowthankfulandgratefulIam.Allthebeautifulreviews,shares,comments,messages…allofit—thankyousoverymuch.
Jasmine…Youareeverything.Ithinkthatprettymuchsumsitup.Thankyouforputtingupwithme.ThankyoufornotyellingatmetogoawaywhenIbuggedyourelentlessly.ThankyouforkickingmyasswhenIneededit.Thankyouforputtingthebiggestsmilesonmyface.Thankyouforgettingmystoriesandhelpingmesmootheverythingout.LikeIsaidyouareeverythingandnothingI’lleversaywillbeenough.You’reamazingandI’mluckytocallyoumyfriend.Couldn’tdoitwithoutyou.
Caitlin…Imustbeyourworstauthorever.OnedayI’llmanagetogetmymanuscripttoyouintime.Promise!Thankyousomuchformakingtimeformeandturningmystoriesintoapublishablebook.Youareanamazingeditor.
ErinBailey…ThankyouforreadingeverythingIwriteevenwhenyoubarelyhavetimeforyourselfandforalwaysbeingthereforme;whetheritistoholdmyhandwhenI’mfreakingoutortocheermeon.
Sanzana(thosevoiceclipstho!),NatashaG.,Suzette,Rita,Samantha,NatashaM.,LauraGladdenH.,Amy—ifthereareanyIforgot,I’msorry—thankyouallforreadingtheARCbeforetherelease.Can’ttellhowhappyitmademetohearyourcommentsasyouwerereading.
ErinSpencer…(SouthernBellePromotions)Thankyousomuchforhelpingmegeteverythingout.Loveyou.
Kelley…(TheHypePR)Thankyousomuchforeverythingyoudoforme.Andforcalmingmedownwheneverit’sareleaseday.Can’twaittohitrefreshwithyouforAdamandLucy.Fingerscrossedthey’lldogood.
AbouttheAuthor
I’manavidreader.Therefore,abigdreamer.Ilovenothingmorethantoescapereallifetofindthoseveryfewmagicalmomentsinabook.Ilovehowithasthepowerofstealingyourworriesaway,puttingasmileonyourface,andofcoursesometimesmakingyoucrushonfictionalcharacters.IfIcanmanagetodoevenoneofthosethingsforareader,Iwillbeahappywriter.
Ican’tevenbegintodescribehowexcitingitistogivelifetonewcharactersandfallforthem.It’sadifferentkindofaddictionI’mdeterminedtokeepalive.
I’mstillsearchingformyownhappyending.Untilthathappens,I’lllivevicariouslythroughmyowncharacters.
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